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Share a funny joke. | 3 Chinese mens Name Chu,Bu and Fu went to America illegally They decided to change their names to sound American Chu change his name to Chuck,Bu change his name to Buck and Fu got sent back to China |
What's a funny joke you know? | Forget everything you learn... 'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.' 'But I never went to college.' 'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.' |
Share a funny joke. | My grandfather's last words.. My Grandfather said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support. |
Can you share a joke? | Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules... ...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend. |
Any good jokes? | I can honestly say that the "Just Say No!" approach kept me completely drug free throughout my youth. Whenever I saw a group of kids doing drugs and I asked if I could try some, they just said "No!" |
I want to hear a joke. | Which pool ball do guys most commonly stick up their ass? The cue ball so they don't have to buy a whole set when it gets stuck Edit: It doesn't matter because you can buy individual billiards balls |
Can you share a joke? | Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she. Do you know what her dogs name was? (insert Wookie noise) Do you know why her dog ran away? You would to if your name was (insert Wookie noise). |
Got any jokes? | I ate at this restaurant last night. After dinner they gave us some strange cookies. I ate that cookie right away but my friends all removed a small paper message from theirs. That cost me a fortune |
What's a funny joke you know? | A blonde chick gets a tattoo... of a conch shell on her inner thigh. "Why did you get that tat in that spot" her friend asked her. "So that when you put your ear against it you can smell the ocean." |
Do you know any jokes? | Life is to enjoy with whatever you have with you ;) An old man had 8 hair on his head. He went to a barber shop. Barber in anger asked: Shall i cut or count? Old man smiled and said: "Colour it!" :D |
Can you share a joke? | A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner... ...The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!" The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!" |
Can you share a joke? | After seeing the Kim Kardashian cover of Paper Magazine, Sir Mix-a-lot, reportedly tipped his hat, muttered that his work here was done and rocketed into space to return to his home planet Uranus... |
Do you know any jokes? | Wife and husband laying in bed And the husband says "honey, tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time." To which the wife replies "you have a bigger dick than your brother!" |
I want to hear a joke. | I want to get one of those LA hats everyone has nowadays When people go to ask me "hey man, are you from Los Angeles?" I'll be like "nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article" |
Do you know any jokes? | I went to the movies yesterday, and I met the most insensitive homophobe there I mean, just the mere sight of me masturbating sent him off on a rant about "morals" and "his children" and "security". |
Got any jokes? | A slightly drunk woman is watching tv... She yells, "Don't go there! Don't go up the stairs! Don't go into the church you dumb bitch!" Her husband asks, "What are you watching?" "Our wedding video." |
Share a funny joke. | Newlyweds tell the hotel desk clerk "we need a room we just got married!" Clerk says "would you like a bridal?" The husband replies" no I'll just hold her by the ears until she gets the hang of it." |
Make me laugh with a joke. | One day, Adolf Hitler looked outside and saw heavy storm clouds. Worried, he contacted a meteorologist and asked him what the weather was going to be like. The meteorologist replied, "Hail, Hitler!" |
Give me a joke. | So I went over to my uncle with a lisp's house He asked me "hey d-do you w-w-want a d-d-dee-dee-d-d-d-deep-deep-d-deeeeeep freezer?" I replied: "Noo thanks buddy that's too deep for me" [EDIT] Fuck. |
Got any jokes? | Last night, a two-seat, single engine plane crashed in a Polish cemetery. Polish authorities report that they have recovered five hundred bodies so far and believe thousands more may still be found. |
Share a funny joke. | A boyfriend asks his girlfriend: "What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?" "Well, I don't know" she answers shyly. "OK, that I give you another year to think about it..." |
What's a funny joke you know? | - Doctor, kiss me! - I can't. We, the doctors, follow a very strict work ethic that does not allow us to kiss our patients. Honestly speaking, I should have never even fucked you in the first place! |
Do you know any jokes? | How do you know if someone's vegan? Someone else will make a vegan joke, then when the vegan points out that non vegans refer to veganism more than vegans do, some jackass will say "found the vegan" |
Give me a joke. | [REQUEST] Ancient Jokes Historians, archeologists and others please to submit jokes/wit/humor from far back, like dark ages and even BCE. the idea is to determine how long can a joke still be funny. |
Make me laugh with a joke. | Women 15 to 65 At 15, a girl is a SURPRISE. At 25, she is the RIGHT PRIZE. At 35,she is a GRAND PRIZE. At 45,she is a CONSOLATION PRIZE. At 55, she is a DOOR PRIZE, and at 65,she is a GIVEAWAY PRIZE |
Share a funny joke. | A day before the elections Hillary tells Bill: "You know, tomorrow there will be two presidents in one bed." Next day Bill asks Hillary: "So.. do I wait Trump here or should I go over to his place?" |
Do you know any jokes? | A clown and a little boy are walking through the woods late at night. A pack of wolves bay in the distance. The little boy says "I'm scared". The clown says "You're scared? I gotta walk back alone." |
Do you know any jokes? | How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital? The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys! |
Do you know any jokes? | Sometimes I get jealous of the lingo black people use that I can't use. Then I remember as a white person I have things I can say that they can't like. "Hey dad." Or "Thanks for the warning officer" |
Tell me a joke. | Two in one **Dude**: My IQ is absolutely massive! **Guy**: IQ is a representation of your matriarchal heritage? **Dude**: Clever.. maybe my IQ that big after all **Guy**: Ah, *patriarchal* heritage! |
Got any jokes? | A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies "Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes." |
Give me a joke. | The other day a co- worker asked me what I had for lunch, and I replied 5 Guys. He laughed because it sounds funny. I guess I should have been more specific and said I got bukaked during lunch time. |
Give me a joke. | In Texas we pronounce it "nu-que-lur" I'm often harassed about how I pronounce nuclear but I think fair is fair. If Yankees can have silent letters I don't see how come we can't have invisible ones! |
Got any jokes? | Two cavemen in the Ice Age are in their cave. One has a philosophical moment pop into his mind. He then says "what is *UP*?". The next caveman says "I don't know, just chilling what's up with you?". |
Give me a joke. | How'd the monkey fall out of the tree. He was dead. How'd the next second monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first monkey! How'd the Third monkey fall out of the tree. Peer Pressure. |
What's a funny joke you know? | From my 7 year-old son: What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks? You. Why I oughta...! Edit: Wow, thanks for all the love. My son is quite the character and he really caught me off guard with this! |
What's a funny joke you know? | Give a man a fish... ...and feed him for one meal. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime. Give a man a fire, he stays warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire and he stays warm for a lifetime. |
Make me laugh with a joke. | My grandmother used to wakeup and head for the bathroom . along the wat she would say with a raised voice 'o Jesus christ' Soon after my grandfather passed away she asked me to move the coffee table |
Share a funny joke. | A man is getting a prostate exam... During the exam, the man asks the doctor, "Is there anything I should be worrying about?" The doctor says, "Only if you can feel both my hands on your shoulders." |
Got any jokes? | Wanna hear a joke? "Why did the chicken cross the road?" "Why?" "To get to the house of the ugliest human on the planet. Wanna hear another joke? Knock-knock...." "Who's there?" "Buc-buc-bucaaaaaw!" |
I want to hear a joke. | When we were vacationing in New Zealand, I bought myself a back-scratcher made from a Kangaroo claw. ... ... The only downside is when I use it on myself, I end up feeling jumpy the rest of the day. |
Tell me a joke. | really old joke based off a video game from the 90's What are the three certainties in life? ( Thank you for spellcheck on google chrome ) 1. death 2. taxes. 3. you'll hear this joke sooner or later |
Can you share a joke? | The Nigerian Government is now offering a $3m reward for the safe return of the missing girls. All you need to do is provide your name, address, date of birth, bank details and mother's maiden name. |
Got any jokes? | Did you hear about the Doctor who fell down the well? He was taking a break at work and leaned too far over a well and fell right in! Guess he should have tended to the sick and left the well alone. |
Can you share a joke? | It's a real Challenger When I was first introduced to the Kerbal Space Program, my spaceship kept blowing up. I looked at my friend and said "Wow, this game is a real Challenger!" I am a bad person. |
I want to hear a joke. | How do you know when... ... a blonde has been using the computer? There's white-out on the screen. How do you know when a brunette used the computer after a blonde? There's writing on the white-out. |
I want to hear a joke. | A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence... "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans." |
Got any jokes? | An Eskimo is holidaying in New Zealand.. His car breaks down. A Kiwi stops to help, opens the bonnet, and says "Bro, you've blown a seal" To which the Eskimo responds "so what mate, you fuck sheep!" |
Tell me a joke. | I got caught sniffing underwear... I got caught sniffing my friend's sister's underwear the other day, What made it worse was she was still wearing them, Made the rest of her funeral really awkward. |
Give me a joke. | So I bought this cheap brand of toilet paper... They called it velvet soft. It should have been called James Bond 007. Because every time after I use it, I lift my hand up and I've got a GoldFinger. |
Make me laugh with a joke. | A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which one judge remarked "I should have suspected he wasn't a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite." |
Make me laugh with a joke. | Where do cows stay when they go on vacation? In a moooo-tel. I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room. Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away. |
Any good jokes? | My mom said if I don't stop using reddit she will bang my head on keyboard But I know she will never do that because she loves medssxcvnklkjfsaarfscnnlknvdgjjbcfggukkfrhhvvvrrjbzddsazvbdwjjhguoiufde |
Make me laugh with a joke. | I would pay double my Netflix subscription if Stranger Things Season 2 brought back Barb from a parallel universe who then confesses her love for Nancy. You? What would you do for a clone dyke Barb? |
Any good jokes? | Roger Federer was doing an interview... ... when the interviewer asked him how he felt about his countries flag being displayed by so many of his fans in the arena he replied "Well, it's a big plus" |
Share a funny joke. | A husband and his wife. "honey I have a confession to make. I've been seeing a psychiatrist" "Thats's okay dear" the wife replied. "I've been seeing the pool man and our daughter's basketball coach" |
Give me a joke. | I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home. I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins. |
Make me laugh with a joke. | I ordered a Pizza the other day, When she read the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else? I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza." |
Share a funny joke. | I was walking down the street with my wife.. And i saw my mother in law being beaten up by six men, when my wife asked "Aren't you going to help?" I said "No, six should be enough." From Les Dawson. |
Share a funny joke. | Students are taking a sign language course. The teacher doesn't recognize one of them, and says "Are you in this class?" Student says, "I'm auditing." Teacher says, "Then you're in the wrong class." |
Do you know any jokes? | Husband sat in his room throwing darts.... at his wife's photo but not even a single one hit the target. From another room the wife asks the husband : "What are you doing?" . Husband: "MISSING YOU". |
Got any jokes? | What do you call a really really big ant? A GIANT! Now what do you call a baby ant? an Infant! What do you call an ant thats into business? A Merchant! please post more ant jokes if you know of any. |
Got any jokes? | How to test your dog's IQ A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: If you spend $19.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you. |
Make me laugh with a joke. | A midget was escaping prison... A midget was escaping prison. I watched him as he climbed over the fence. On the way down he smirked at me. I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending". |
Can you share a joke? | A man approached Bernard on the street.. Bernard was strollin' down the street when a man approached him asking "Which is the quickest way to reach the hospital?" Bernard pushed him under a truck... |
Share a funny joke. | Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2? Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts. |
What's a funny joke you know? | Four blonds walk into a bar... ...cheering "85 Days! 85 Days!" A gentleman inquires "Excuse me, but what's '85 days?'" The blonds reply "We completed a puzzle in 85 days and the box says 2-4 years!" |
Can you share a joke? | Today's youth are getting worse.. Today's youth are getting worse. I was in a church yesterday, when I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the candle. I was so shocked, that I dropped my beer bottle |
What's a funny joke you know? | I was sitting next to a woman on a flight and asked her... >Does the airline company charge you for flying next to good looking men? She responded with >Yes, but this time I decided not to pay |
Any good jokes? | A Russian doctor is treating his patient. *"Take this for insomnia... take this for depression... and take this for anxiety."* *"Thank you Doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides Vodka?"* |
Do you know any jokes? | Getting pulled over Officer (*Walks over*) Officer -I'm going to ask you to step out of the car for a sobriety test. Me (*Presses tits together*) Me -How about now? Officer -Sir, get out of the car. |
Give me a joke. | A small boy got lost at a baseball game... He went up to a police officer and said: "I've lost my dad." "What's he like?" asked the police officer sympathetically. The boy replied, "Beer and women." |
Tell me a joke. | My boss fired an employee unexpectedly today and everyone wants to know why... I think it's because he was caught with a bag of cocaine. But regardless, our boss told us to keep our noses out of it. |
I want to hear a joke. | How physicists see other sciences: Biology: squishy physics Geology: slow physics Computer Science: virtual physics Psychology: people physics Chemistry: impure physics Math: physics minus the units |
I want to hear a joke. | Humpty Dumpty , that sly bastard Humpty Dumpty sat on his bed, As Little Bo Beep was giving him head, Just as he came she began to weep, She could tell by the taste, He'd been screwing her sheep ! ! |
Make me laugh with a joke. | A Pirate Walks into a Bar A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender says, "Are you aware that there is a steering wheel in your pants?" "ARRR IT'S DRIVIN' ME NUTS." |
I want to hear a joke. | On a rainy day two men are standing under the poplar trees in the park One of them is weeping: - John. Do you know how difficult it is to lose a wife? - I know Jack, I know. Practically impossible. |
Share a funny joke. | Officer: Soldier do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Soldier do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No SIR! |
What's a funny joke you know? | So a black guy walks into a bank... Approaching the nearest available teller, he says, "Hi, I'd like to file for bankruptcy." "Okay", the teller replies, "what's your name?" "Fifty Cent" badum tisss |
Got any jokes? | A cabbage walks into a bar wearing a red leaf. The bartender takes one look at it and asks another patron how they feel about the cabbages bold new look. The patron replies, "I think it's ridic yo." |
Make me laugh with a joke. | A little kid's in school taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says "What are you doing?" He says "Checking my answers." |
Tell me a joke. | A man was complaining to a friend. "I had it all. Money a beautiful house a BIG car the love of a beautiful woman then POW! it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "My wife found out." |
Do you know any jokes? | Son: "I got expelled" Dad: "How?" Son: "I wrote 2 + 2 = 41 on the whiteboard." Dad: "That's pretty dumb but-" Son: "Then my teacher told me to go up to the board..." Dad: "Ok?" Son: "And rub 1 out." |
Share a funny joke. | There are 2 LOSERS who hang out at the same sidewalk corner everyday... The taller LOSER says to the other "Hey man, have you seen my keys?". The other LOSER replies, "No, have you seen my wallet?". |
Any good jokes? | What's the difference between a crow and a raven? All birds have tail feathers that help them fly called pinions. Crows have 3 pinions and ravens have 4. The difference is just a matter of a pinion. |
Can you share a joke? | If Nefertiti owned a topless bar which served tea she could have marketed her business with t-shirts. You could call them 'Nefertiti's titties, tease, teas, and tees.' Edit: better grammar/phrasing. |
Do you know any jokes? | What is the difference between falling from the 2nd floor and the 20th floor? The 2nd floor: (SPLAT) AAAAAaaaaaaaagggghhhhhhhhhhh...... The 20th floor: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! (SPLAT) |
Tell me a joke. | A man carrying a tombstone walked up to a skeleton taking a break from his casket. He asked the skeleton, "Is it okay if I leave this tombstone here?" The skeleton replied, "Yes, over my dead body." |
Any good jokes? | Shall We Try Different Position Tonight? Wife: Shall We Try Different Position Tonight? Husband: "Excellent idea!" Wife: OK YOU Stand at Sink and Wash Dishes AND I Will Lie On Sofa And Watch TV..;-p |
What's a funny joke you know? | Cop: Why didn't you stop when I shouted at you back there? Motorist: I thought you were saying "Good morning Mr. Mayor." Cop: Right. I wanted to warn you about going too fast through the next town. |
Tell me a joke. | An American tourist found himself in a sleepy country village and asked one of the locals the age of the oldest inhabitant. "Well sir" replied the villager "we ain't got one now. He died last week." |
Tell me a joke. | Science, Philosophy and Religion What is Science? Looking for a black cat in a black room. What is Philosophy? Asking whether there is a black cat in a black room. What is Religion? "I HAVE THE CAT" |
Any good jokes? | So today I was setting up a password for an account with my wife, and I put, "Mypenis," as the password, and my wife fell on the ground laughing because on the screen said, "Error. Not long enough." |
Got any jokes? | So a cop pulled me over one day for speeding... he asked: "excuse me sir, but do you know how long i've been waiting for you?" i said:" i know, i'm sorry but i tried to get here as fast as i could." |
Share a funny joke. | 2 Scientists walk into a bar... The first one tells the bartender, "I'd like some H2O" Upon hearing that, the second scientist says, "I'd like some water too. Jimmy, we're not in the lab anymore..." |
What's a funny joke you know? | On the bus I was sitting on the bus and this super hot Thai girl gets on and sits next to me I think to myself "Please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner, please don't get a boner" She did. |
What's a funny joke you know? | I was watching the men's hockey at the commonwealth games today, I was thinking it must be a very dangerous game to play, I mean half the Indian team were running around with bandages on their heads |
Make me laugh with a joke. | At first i was feeling a little grumpy, Then I was feeling happy, then a little sleepy and finally a little bashful. I am no longer welcome at my daughters school play of Snow white and the 7 dwarfs |
What's a funny joke you know? | Jesus and Mohammad are debating religion. Jesus, with a smug smile, says: "My faith can move the tallest of mountains." Mohammad confidently replies: "How well does it do with skyscrapers, brotha?" |
Tell me a joke. | Two babys at the birth ward... ...one baby says to the other."i'm a boy" to with the other reply:"how do you know?". the first baby pulls the blanket to the side and says:"look i got blue socks on" |
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