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What do you do when you finish a clip at the YouTube HQ? Reload
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When Greek people play a video game, what settings do they use? Default
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Where do you find quadriplegics ? Where you left them
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How do you know a Brigham Young student's been mowing the lawn? The welcome mat is destroyed.
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Lock test Lock test lock test lock test
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Romeo: Your cheeks are like petals. Juliet: Really? Romeo: Yes bicycle pedals.
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i must be really good on the phone whenever i call a company, they tell me they are going to use my call for training purposes .
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Like "dollar," "euro" is not capitalized. Unlike a dollar, a euro can actually buy you something
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What's difference between a Jamaican and a picnic table A picnic table can support a family of four.
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I'm single by choice. of others
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A cougar is an older lady who goes for younger guys. A Tyga is an older man who goes for younger women
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A new source of electricity is found! Lincoln is is infinitely rolling in his grave right now. We can use that somehow.
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did you hear about the man who lost his left arm and his left leg? he was all right .
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what's a rock group with four guys that don't sing? mount rushmore
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Auditions are being held for you to be yourself. Apply within
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my dream is to become the world's best procrastinator threedots but i'll start chasing my dreams another day, i don't feel like it now .
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What do you call someone who is always disagreeing with their calculator? A chronic math debater
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The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It's two chicks fighting over a pair of shoes
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i like my women like i like my coffee ground up and in boiling water
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why was the hipster hurt by the light bulb? he changed it before it was cool .
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Dear every guy that works out excessively, the sun is out! NOW is your moment! It was all worth it! Take that shirt off and walk around!!
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how do you know whether or not a redditor is australian? they'll tell you .
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What kind of tea does a house drink? Propertea
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You can take a man out of the church, but you can never take the church out of a man Especially if you're an altar boy.
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What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft? A flat miner
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Brains are awesome. I wish everyone had one
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Just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
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What's the difference between a Mexican and a pizza? One can feed a family.
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my grandmother said she would give birth to my mother when the time machine was invented. apparently she lied
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what kind of fun does a priest have? nun .
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a new study shows dogs recognize pictures of their owners . also , they're like , " why are you showing me photos? i'm a dog . "
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Why do moon rocks fill you up more than Earth rocks? They're a little meteor.
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What does an Australian chemist call is bro? Bromate Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong
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What's blue and IS heavy? Depression.
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How do you beat Minecraft without owning it You name your son Minecraft
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After a date Her: We should have dinner again. Him: No, I'm full.
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What do colors say when they laugh? Huehuehuehuehuehuehuehue
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What's a killer whale's favorite pasta? Penguini
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i had a dream last night that i was a muffler boy, did i wake up exhausted !
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After watching a strongman competition. it amazed me to see how much the human body can lift without pooing itself
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So I saw that Princess Diana is trending on tumblr. She's all over the dashboard!
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What do you call a fear of chainsaws? Logic.
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Speaking from experience, No More Tears shampoo does not work as advertised if you drop the bottle on a baby's face.
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Million Dollar Idea: Teach pugs to DJ, create a new genre of music. pugstep
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I wrote a song about drawing maps, but it never made the charts.
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why are blind people bad computer programmers? because they can't c .
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question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? asking for a friend
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i like my women like i like my coffee, i can't afford coffee
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what did adam say when he broke up with eve? i'm turning over a new leaf .
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I miss the good old days when boot camp was for soldiers, not pudgy sorority girls attempting to get in shape for Spring Break.
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Couldn't figure out how to set up my stereo system, so I called my dad. He gave me some sound advice
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They have announced a new Lone Ranger Movie. The Lone Ranger Goes To Canada or Onto Toronto Pronto Tonto.
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my wife is leaving me because of my obsession with star wars ' . i said: " may divorce be with you . "
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What do you call a dog with no paws or legs It doesn't matter what you call them, they still won't come.
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I applied for a job as a Marsupial. Safe to say I didn't get it because I lacked the right Koalafications
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How to cure affluenza? Introduce him to Warhammer.
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Click bait is everywhere these days. Scroll down to see how many fell for it.
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How do sceptics introduce themselves? "I don't believe we've met..."
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Your girlfriend isn't hallucinating man, she's actually seeing other people.
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I met a really pretty arab woman today The second i saw her i was blown away
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i invented a glass coffin , but i don't know if it will catch on. remains to be seen
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hey baby , do you smell that? " " no . " " me neither , start cooking .
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Why are barns so noisy? All the cows have horns
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i'm super lazy today. which is like normal lazy but i'm also wearing a cape
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Somewhere, some Nigerian lawyer is wondering why you're not sending him the personal information that he needs to give you your inheritance
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I need help reviving the dishwasher. My mom just died.
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What's the definition of a narrow squeak? A thin mouse !
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I called a Chinese restaurant the other day. A guy picked up and said "Hello, I'm Wan King the chef." I told him "Alright, guess I'll call back later"
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its all fun and games until someone loses an I? . then we cant play scrabble anymor
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I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty
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One agent stops by another agent's table to tell him the big news: "Elvis just died! " The second agent says nothing then starts nodding. "Good career move."
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What bees like the Beatles? Let It Bees
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while scrolling the front page i saw the most annoying thread ever it was coming out of the sweater i was wearing. that was my favorite sweater
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What is posthumous work? Something written by someone after they are dead !
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why did the nun swear when she got her new outfit? it was a bad habit .
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i've been dating a homeless women recently , and i think its getting serious. she asked me to move out with her
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I remember this from a Monty Python "My dog has no nose!" Says one man. His friend asks "well how does he smell? " "Stinky!"
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"I dropped my toothpaste"... ...he said, crestfallen.
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What do you call a tin can that's done with High School? A graduated cylinder!
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it's good that we aren't hearing about priests in the news lately. it seems that kids these days are finally learning how to keep a secret
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q . what did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg? a : between the two of us we can make a lot of money .
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The Joker What do you call somebody who shares a coffin with the Joker? Heath Lodger!
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hey , did you hear that carbon and oxygen broke up? yeah , it turns out their relationship was actually pretty toxic . personally , i never saw it .
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"anyone for turkey burgers? " turkey: well sure haha "oh, it's not a burger for turkeys" turkey: what is it then "uhh" turkey: say it
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I bought a retro computer. It came with friends still on the outside of it
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The other day my friend was telling me I didn't know what irony meant. Which is ironic because we were standing at a bus stop
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What do you call Nintendo's fighting came in Alabama? Super Smash Cousins
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how many alzheimer's patients does it take to screw on a light bulb? to get to the other side !
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My friend wants to carve a Venus statue from a tree. That seems like it would take a while, woodentit?
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What's the difference between an American and a Canadian? A Canadian not only has a sense of humour but can also spell it.
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How did the king die? He had a bad heir day
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about to finish my second book of the day! and when i say book , i really mean magazine . and when i say magazine , i really mean pizza .
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how do girls remember every word of an argument? i don't remember what i had for dinner and i'm eating it now
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What do you call an amorous insect? The love bug.
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The trees speak vietnamese, and the snow speaks finnish. What do the showers speak?
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Can you tell me a Pseudobulbar affect joke? Those always get a laugh.
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Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the Y becomes silent
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The Dali Lama walks into a Pizza store He says, "make me one with everything"
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why are life long overweight people funny? growing up they hear the best jokes .
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gf asked " can you hand me my shoes? " me : " no , but i can feet them to you "
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