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Got any jokes? | A young boy asks his Dad :"What is the difference between confident and confidential? Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, THAT is confidential. |
What's a funny joke you know? | A woman wants to buy a pair of spectacles. A woman walks into a shop and says," Doctor, I think I need a pair of spectacles! " The shopkeeper replies," You certainly do ma'am! This is a grocery store. |
Can you share a joke? | Why are all those people running? A: Why are all those people running? B: They are running a race to get a cup. A: Who will get the cup? B: The person who wins. A: Then why are all the others running? |
What's a funny joke you know? | Tomorrow is Fathers Day. I heard iPad accessories are the big thing for Father's Day this year. I got my dad a leather case, a screen protector and a new charger. If he ever gets an iPad he's all set. |
Any good jokes? | Teacher- "what does a chicken give you?" Students- "Meat!" Teacher- "Good! Now what does the pig give you?" Students- "Bacon!" Teacher- "Great! Now what does a fat cow give you?" Students- "Homework!" |
Make me laugh with a joke. | A family books a room in a hotel... ... The father goes and says to the receptionist and says I hope the pornography is disabled here and the receptionist goes its normal pornography you sick bastard. |
Any good jokes? | [DIRTY] Eye exam Eye specialist: "Sir, you need to stop masturbating."   Patient: " Oh my God, is it ruining my eyesight?"   Eye specialist: "No. It's disturbing the other patients." |
What's a funny joke you know? | Lightbulbs in Magaluf What type of lightbulbs go clubbing in Magaluf*? LEDs (*Note for any US viewers Magaluf is a popular destination in Spain for Brits that go on massive drinking/clubbing holidays) |
Make me laugh with a joke. | What would Caitlyn Jenner need to do if she changed her mind about being a woman? She would need to reJennerate some balls. What does Caitlyn Jenner do before she goes out? Bruce's up for the evening. |
Make me laugh with a joke. | The heiress to the L'Oreal cosmetics empire has turn to prostitution to make ends meet, putting a $5 million price tag on her services for a single night. Which is fair enough, because she's worth it. |
Tell me a joke. | "Doctor, I have an embarrassing medical problem..." NSFW Well, what is it?" asks the doctor. "I have five penises." "Five penises!," exclaims the doctor, "How does your underwear fit?" "Like a glove!" |
Got any jokes? | Improvement One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?" "Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me." |
Tell me a joke. | I've been shopping for my wife's birthday present. What did you get her? A bottle of expensive toilet water. It cost 20. 20! Why didn't you come to my house - you could have had some of ours for free! |
Tell me a joke. | Science fact! There is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house. This is largely due to the antelope's powerful hind-legs and the fact that the average house cannot jump. |
Give me a joke. | Little Johnny (x-post /r/AntiJokes) The Mailman saw Little Johnny on the side of the street with an old coffee can. Mailman: What have you got in that can there? Johnny: dogshit Mailman: what the fuck |
Can you share a joke? | A lesbian couple and a gay couple had a race to see who could get across the country to California first The lesbians arrived first, lickity split. The gay dudes were still at home packing their shit. |
Can you share a joke? | hello, hello ! 911 ? 911 ? Yes, Sir, what happened ? "I think my wife's dead". "What happened, Sir ?" "Well...she's lying in bed, cold and stiff as usual, but the dishes haven't been done in 3 days !" |
What's a funny joke you know? | My water stopped working for a bit today. My wife immediately said, "I'm going outside to dig a hole to catch the rain water!" After the wife is gone I said to the rest of the family, "she means well" |
Any good jokes? | I was teaching a bunch of black teenagers about slavery. None of them liked the concept, but their grandparents were sold on the idea. Edit: So I come back to my joke and have no idea what happened... |
Do you know any jokes? | What's the difference between a clever midget and an STD? Well, one of them is a cunning runt... side note: apparently Jim Morrison of The Doors said this gem at a meeting with some record executives. |
What's a funny joke you know? | Non english speakers, translate the best joke you have from your language. Other redditors will have to guess from what country the joke is. Obviously, names and places will have to be translated too. |
Do you know any jokes? | Old Wang says to his friend Old Chen It is so sweet, you have been married 50 years and you still call your wife 'sweetheart'. What is your secret? Chen says, "it is because I have forgotten her name" |
Any good jokes? | A black man went into a bank and asked for a job. "You're in luck!" said the manager. $50 thousand a year, and a car!! "You're joking!" said the black man. "Of course I'm joking. But you started it!!" |
Any good jokes? | A police man pulls over a car in the middle of the night "Sir, do you realise how badly your car was swerving between lanes?" "I've had 8 drinks, officer." "That's no excuse to let your wife drive..." |
Got any jokes? | Translated from danish: 2 drunk sits in a bar. One says: My dog keeps chasing people on a bicycle..... The other guy things for a bit then replies: Then why don't you take the bicycle from it?.... (c: |
Make me laugh with a joke. | What did the angry inflatable teacher say to the irresponsible inflatable child in the inflatable school? Not only have you let me down, you've let yourself down, and you've let the whole school down! |
I want to hear a joke. | eer booze and fun!' 'An Indian a Rabbi the Pope an Italian and an Irishman all walk into a bar together and sit down. The bartender looks at all 5 of them and says "What is this... some kind of joke?" |
Do you know any jokes? | You have some up dog on your shoe!! So I was in class one day and my friend turned to me and said, "You have some up dog on your shoe" "What's up dog" was my response. "Not much bro, how about you!!!" |
I want to hear a joke. | [Pun] There's something about the sky... There was a man in an airplane and he had just over dosed on alcohol, one could say he really was HIGH -<>~<>- ^those are what I call 'pun glasses' |
Share a funny joke. | Pilot episode You know how you can tell if a shows going to be any good based on the pilot, since it sets the tempo for the entire show? I just realized that my dad didn't like the pilot of my life... |
Make me laugh with a joke. | 20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope, and no Jobs. Please, do not let Kevin Bacon die. Source: The Bluegrass Grill and Bakery in Charlottesville, VA. |
Tell me a joke. | My interviewer kept getting annoyed at me... ...when I kept responding to each question with the same question - only in a really sarcastic way. Apparently, I don't know what a "mock interview" means. |
Can you share a joke? | Why do health magazines targeting hypochondriacs have so much trouble maintaining subscriber levels? Because none of their readers believe them when they receive a warning that it's their final issue. |
Any good jokes? | Sports injury Last night on ESPN I was watching Women's beach volleyball. About three minutes into the game, there was a really bad wrist injury. The doctor said I should be fine in a few days though. |
Make me laugh with a joke. | Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because D-shells are too big and B- shells are too small. *A random elderly woman just stopped in the street in front off where I was sitting and told me this. Awesome* |
Any good jokes? | What do you have left after you burn a French alphabet? H Edit: I don't like explaining jokes but since the first guy didn't get I might as well: When pronounced in a French accent it sounds like ash. |
Got any jokes? | I introduced reddit to my girlfriend yesterday Me: So, do you like it? Her: yeah, it was entertaining. Just one question, though Me: Sure, go on Her: Yeah, who is OP. And why is his mom such a whore?! |
Any good jokes? | The introduction of Yoga Pants have been found to be the cause of a 0.65 drop in the GPA of Males. I dont have significant data to back this up, But i have some notes from college that show causation. |
Can you share a joke? | A man walks into a bar... A man walks into a crowded bar brandishing a revolver yelling "Who's been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back of the bar shouts back, "You don't have enough ammo, mate!" |
Make me laugh with a joke. | Driving Have you ever been driving down the road and you flick a cig out of the window, then a few minutes later you smell something and turn around to see your nan fingering herself in the back seat? |
Tell me a joke. | I'm currently working on a management oriented book focused on the delegation of tasks "I'll have my secretary let you know when my intern finishes writing it." - Mr. Manager Cordially, Mrs. Team Lead |
Make me laugh with a joke. | Larry La Prise, the creator of the hokey pokey died this week.... Every thing went well with the funeral except putting the body in the casket They put the left leg in.... And then the trouble started |
Make me laugh with a joke. | A horse walks into a bar... ...and the bartender says "Heeeeyeyeyeyey, why the looooong face?" And the horse replies "Because the guy telling the joke that I'm starring in has bad...comic...*timing.*" |
Can you share a joke? | The Ikea corporation was found not guilty yesterday for assassinating a rival companies CEO. While there were several damning pieces of evidence, the detectives couldn't seem to put the case together. |
Do you know any jokes? | What's the difference between a Redditor, Marilyn Monroe, Melania Trump, and Lee Harvey Oswald? One's a jerk who jacks off, one jerked off Jack, one jacks off a jerk, and one's a jerk who offed Jack . |
Tell me a joke. | An honest Joke Job interviewer: "What is your greatest weakness?" Young man: "Honesty" Job interviewer: "I don't think honesty is a weakness." Young man: "I don't really give a shit what you think..." |
Do you know any jokes? | What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dictator. EDIT: In regards to BattletardBlacknigga, I also heard this joke from my dad. Which was awkward but made it funnier in a weird way..... |
Do you know any jokes? | A man rushes into a psychiatrist's office and shouts "Doctor, you have to help me! I think I'm invisible." The shrink looks at his appointment schedule and says "I'm sorry, I can't see you right now." |
Tell me a joke. | My co-worker is so annoying... She's always showing me pictures of her daughter and always asking: "Have you seen my baby?" It's so annoying, come on, its been two years, they're never gonna find her. |
What's a funny joke you know? | There were two old men... That were sitting on their porch, when a dog comes up and starts licking his dick. One old man said, "I wish I could do that " Then the other said, "that dog would bite you." |
Make me laugh with a joke. | Penis Sizes A black kid comes home from his first day of school and says, "Momma, I have the biggest penis in the 3rd grade! Is it because I'm black?" The mom says, "No, nigga'! It's because your 17!" |
Any good jokes? | Why is it unjust to blame taxi drivers for cheating us? We call them to take us in. (From The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Handbook of Conundrums, by Edith B. Ordway. So this is a century old joke.) |
Can you share a joke? | My friend and his girlfriend are looking for a girl to have a three-way with... I told him to find someone whose parents are divorced. You want to find a girl who is comfortable ruining relationships. |
Make me laugh with a joke. | If a woman ever charges you with a knife in the kitchen, remain calm and open the fridge. Take out mayonnaise, cheese, and ham. Natural instincts will kick in and she will make you a sandwich instead. |
Got any jokes? | Girls are of two types.... Girls are of two types: 1. Boring 2. Interesting Boring are the ones who use umbrella even in sunlight; And Interesting are the ones who forget Umbrella at home during rain! |
Tell me a joke. | Mommy, they call me nymphomaniac at school... -Don't worry Lissa, it's just kid's stuff. Now you go to sleep before dark, or the Boogeyman will come at eat you. -Yeah! He should come and eat my pussy! |
Got any jokes? | A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar... A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar. Immediately, the bartender walks up and says: "Hey! You guys can hang out here...just don't try and start anything." |
Give me a joke. | I got into an accident a few days ago. The doctor said the bleeding was all internal. I said "oh, thank god." The doctor said "why are you so happy?" I said "that's where the blood is supposed to be!" |
Share a funny joke. | What do you call an American linguist, philosopher, cognitive scientist, logician, political commentator, social justice activist, and anarcho-syndicalist advocate who doesn't eat ham? NO-HAM CHOMPSKY |
Do you know any jokes? | A man said to me, "Man, I was so wasted last night I went home and blew chunks!" I said, "most people are sick after drinking too much." "No, you don't understand." he replied. "Chunks is my pitbull." |
Give me a joke. | I rode the bus today..... and saw a girl on the bus wearing a Kappa Alpha Gamma sorority shirt. I went up to her and asked "Why are you on this bus? Aren't you supposed to be driving around in a car?" |
Make me laugh with a joke. | "It's just bananas, bananas, bananas with you," the wife shouted. "If I told you I was going to leave you because of this ridiculous obsession, what would you say?" "Well, thanks a bunch," I replied. |
Tell me a joke. | What do you call a nun on a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile &nbsp; ^^^^^^^^^^^[inb4^^repost](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/search?q=nun+on+a+wheelchair&restrict_sr=on&sort=relevance&t=all) |
I want to hear a joke. | My close friend lost much of his life savings due to his Galaxy S5 Fingerprint Scanner being hacked and when he told me the story it brought me to tears. I guess you could say it was pretty touching. |
Give me a joke. | I was playing guitar then my 2 year old took my guitar pick and dropped it somewhere. "Where is my pick," I said. He replied "Oink Oink! " I repeated the question but got the same answer every time. |
Any good jokes? | My grandma was visiting and placed her pills in my cupboard... I asked her, Grandma have you seen the pills I have marked with the letters LSD? She said, No, have you seen that dragon in the kitchen? |
Do you know any jokes? | A DEER IN THE WOODS. A little sweet old lady, told me this one. Question: What did they Deer say when she came out of the woods?\ Answer: "I will never do that again for 2 bucks?" My reply: Ha Ha! :) |
Share a funny joke. | Do you know the definition of insanity? Do you know the definition of insanity? Do you know the definition of insanity? Do you know the definition of insanity? Do you know the definition of insanity? |
Give me a joke. | My boss wanted revenge. Boss wanted revenge on me for sleeping with his wife. So he stole my phone to get my girlfriend's mobile number. Poor bastard's been sending dick pics to his daughter all day. |
Make me laugh with a joke. | Fun Octopus Facts When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his dick and throws it at the female, so she can inseminate herself. He then grows a new dick. What a legend. "Here, go fuck yourself." |
Make me laugh with a joke. | A father asks his son "Son, why are you not hanging out with Mark any more?" "Would you want to hang out with someone who is drunk and does drugs every day?" "Of course not!" "Well, neither does he." |
Any good jokes? | After Israel threatened to take the Security Council vote as an act of war, the New Zealand Ambassador called Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.... ...Picking up the phone, he spoke "Hebrew." |
Do you know any jokes? | My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me something for it! Doctor: Try this medicine...and if it doesn't work come back and bring me a new video camera. |
Tell me a joke. | British humor A cop walks into a bar responding to a call about a youngster making a ruckus. He asked the young lad "just what are ya getting on with lad?" The lad responds," none of yobishness mate" |
What's a funny joke you know? | Did you hear about that celebrity who committed suicide? Reese whatsername? "Witherspoon?" "No, with a knife!" Only really works if you actually tell it to someone (and can maintain a good pokerface) |
Any good jokes? | So this one time I offered some shrimp to this Jewish friend of mine... Me: This shrimp is great. Wanna try some? Friend: Sorry, I'm Jewish. Me: No, it's free! *from a comic by Cyanide and Happiness* |
Tell me a joke. | As an American of Chinese decent, I offered my services to help Trump to build his wall. He replied that he didn't think it would be a good idea for me to build the barrier in my own internment camp. |
I want to hear a joke. | Two Irish schoolboys... 1: Hey, Pat! What's the craic? 2: Not much, Brian. I had a pint yesterday. 1: Oh! Really? I thought you were only 15? 2: I am! 1: So what was it? Guiness? 2: No, it was water. |
Tell me a joke. | Six year old just gave me these gems What do you call a dog with a stain on his fur? Spot. What do you call a dog who lays on a golf course? Ruff. What do you call a dog who just got run over? Rhody. |
Tell me a joke. | My girlfriend just emailed me a photo of us on our first date together. It's a very treasured memory for me. Problem is, the file wont open on my computer. I guess I have emotional attachment issues. |
Can you share a joke? | Cheese & Milk Just as I was getting home last night a guy hit me with a block of cheese. I thought that wasn't very mature. He then ran over and pour milk all over my head. I thought HOW DAIRY!!! |
Make me laugh with a joke. | A man went to a fish and chip lunch organised by the local monastery... He strolls up to one guy serving, and with a big grin, asks "Are you the fish friar?" The guy responds "No, I'm the chip monk!" |
What's a funny joke you know? | The Greatest Trick the Devil ever played... The greatest trick the Devil ever played was convincing Columbia House that he intended to purchase more CDs from them once he got his 8 CDs for a penny... |
What's a funny joke you know? | Went to my first fight Club tonight, was so much fun, got there a bit late so I missed the first bit of induction. But wow was it fun! Anyone who is keen or wants to know more, hit me up for details! |
Tell me a joke. | How to Pass So apparently if someone commits suicide while we take a exam or final in school, everyone in that room or place will get 100%. I literally need the blood of a virgin to pass these exams. |
Got any jokes? | Karma So yesterday I found a 15 dollar note in my purse. Not bothered to submit it to the police I went to an alley to spend the fake bill for a 1 dollar item, and I got two 7 dollar note for change! |
Share a funny joke. | Places I'd Rather Not Live - Paradox, New York - Crapo, Maryland - Boogertown, North Carolina - Spasticville, Kansas - Hellhole, Idaho - Purgatory, Maine - Girdletree, Maryland - Rabbithash, Kentucky |
Got any jokes? | My wife and I couldn't have a baby so we decided to go to an adoption agency. I was so excited while I was in there. It made me happy to think that I could finally take off the baby on board sticker. |
Share a funny joke. | When I'm on reddit When I'm drunk on reddit: "Perhaps an up vote for this fine sir, he provided intriguing content." When I'm sober on reddit: "YOU SHALL ALL BE DOWN VOTED! NO ONE SHALL BE UP VOTED!" |
Make me laugh with a joke. | old man gets a call from his wife wife: "stay off the highway. I'm watching the news and there's a maniac driving into oncoming traffic!" old man: "it's worse than you think! I see hundreds of them!" |
Make me laugh with a joke. | Do Not Be Racist ..... Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew |
Tell me a joke. | A bear is asking a rabbit a question "Don't you have problems with shit sticking on your smooth fur?" Rabbit goes : Naaah, I don't have a problem with that. So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit. |
Make me laugh with a joke. | A man has an accident at the factory where he works... He calls his wife and says "Meet me at the hospital! I just cut off my finger!" Wife says "The whole finger?!?" He says "No, the one next to it" |
Can you share a joke? | Contest in Girls College About Sex and Mystery Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery. Winner's story: "Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it." |
Can you share a joke? | The scientist a scientist went to a remote island with a dog in order to teach his speaking. Three years later, the scientist returns, and is asked about his experiment; he replied "woof, woof, woof" |
Do you know any jokes? | I found out a way to go ad - free on youtube with no adblock! Just replace the "you" in youtube with "red" in your URL and it should get rid of them, i guess they were hiding it from us or something. |
Any good jokes? | Pavlov's doorbell One tuesday afternoon Ivan Pavlov is reading the paper, when his neighbour rings the doorbell. Ivan jumps up out of his chair, suddenly remembering: "Shit, I need to feed the dogs!" |
What's a funny joke you know? | A priest, a nun, a rabbi, a blonde, a brunette, a redhead, a farmer, his daughter, a horse, a black guy, a white guy, and an asian guy all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? A joke?" |
Share a funny joke. | Sometimes me and my brothers used to mess with grandpa. Once we asked him if he knew what a sex tape was. He nodded thoughtfully. 'Sex tapes? Sure, we have those, but your grandmother prefers cuffs.' |
Tell me a joke. | A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The chicken pulls out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, upset, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and says, "I guess we answered that question!" |
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