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<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">200 ug</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis - Hash</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 lines</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">49 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Time: August 2010 <br> Location: Boom Festival, Idanha-A-Nova, Portugal (a large, 20.000-person, psy trance festival at a lake in Portugal) <br> <br> Substances taken: 4 hits of LSD, good for 200 ug, some ketamine (racemic) and Portugese hash (LSD was mine and had been previously tested at a lab and these hits were confirmed to contain 50 ug of LSD each, there are labs that test your drugs in the Netherlands and they test for substance, purity and dose, so I am 100% sure that I took 200 ug of actual LSD). <br> <br> Who am I: a 20 year old female, this was my 37th experience on LSD, maybe 40th or so on ketamine. <br> <br> My tripping companion: My boyfriend R, who also took 4 hits of LSD. <br> <br> Boom trip 1, before the experience. <br> <br> The day was august the 19th and we had arrived at the festival site the day before. The 19th marked the day that the dancefloors would open and it seemed like a good idea to open those festivities in a psychedelic way. We weren’t very familiar with the terrain yet, especially not what it looked like at night, and that contributed to the chaos. We did feel like a beautiful adventure the location seemed to call for it. We had decided on taking the LSD around half past 5 in the evening so that we could still sleep a few hours in the morning as sleeping in late wouldn’t be possible due to the heat. That day itself we had looked around at the terrain and tried to make ourselves comfortable with the surroundings, there was a lot on Boom that we didn’t even know about. Occasionally you have those adventures of which you may doubt ‘am I willing to share this with people’, but, yes, actually I want to write this down. This was probably was one of my most difficult trips, at least the first part, but it also had some of the most euphoric moments. The highs were very high, the deeps very deep where normally my trips are very calm and balanced, although I must add this was the first time I was dumped(!) during a psychedelic experience, so here is a unique memory I would like to share. <br> <br> Come up: <br> At lack of a better idea we had taken our LSD in the chill out area, normally I don’t like chill out psy music, but there was shade and I had a good view to all sides, so my opinion mostly consisted of ‘good enough’. The chill out was made out of a ground of blue fabric on which people sat down without shoes, it had ashtrays and in the middle there was this kind of .. river with some beautiful decoration and the DJ was there. We were on the other side of the circle and I was just rolling a joint after taking the LSD. The atmosphere seemed mostly peaceful. The LSD came on rather fast, mountains in the distance started to move and shift and patterns made up out of detailed calm faces showed up on them and the clouds started moving around and changing shape and twisting and shifting into patterns, and not a lot later all of those intricate patterns formed bright rainbow-like colours. The same type of fractal like patterns began pressing in the blue carpet, and because I felt the LSD in every aspect I asked my boyfriend if the black in my eyes was big, and he responded in a surprised way saying he thought LSD made the black in your eyes smaller, which I found very odd since he had been doing LSD with me 17 times before and he knew perfectly well how LSD works on the body as I had told him often enough. So I told him some anecdotes in which eye-black becomes larger and he kept turning it around, then looked at me with a confused face and admitted to just being confused. <br> <br> I was still staring at him as if my face were to say: ‘how can you be that confused?!’. He then told me he wanted to leave the chill out area, which I found ok as it certainly wasn’t the most beautiful place on the Boom site and the sun would be setting soon so walking around for a bit sounded like a fun idea too. We first walked from the chill out to some trees that were right next to it and sat down again in the shade. The view was much better. The trees were forming wonderful patterns and I told R how euphoric this place felt, how beautiful everything was and how I didn’t find the coming up part of the trip awkward at all in this location even though I had expected to. R nodded and pointed again to the trees that were really making some beautiful patterns; I saw faces that kept turning into different directions with their eyes closed and a smile on them, and then after that entire human shapes that would shift into the clouds of which the clouds formed new patterns also made up entirely out of fractalized faces. On the other side there was a beautiful warm golden evening sun, and everywhere I saw people walking, they all left very long tracers and trails in bright colours and everyone looked strange but it was all so lovely to look at. We decided to walk a bit further though, close to the water to enjoy the view there. <br> <br> It was so indescribably and unreal beautiful there, I was looking and on the other side of the lake the mountains changed shape fast, and the golden evening light made beautiful long shadows from the few trees that were on the land and those shadows formed beautiful moving and reshaping colourful patterns as well. If I would look around and tried to focus on people I noticed that even though I was in daylight, because of the visuals, I couldn’t tell with the best attempts what people actually looked like, their outfit and hair would just change in front of my eyes and even the number of people would randomly switch, occasionally patterns turned into people and people into patterns and I had no clue how to ever know which they had been first. The tracers the walking people left would stretch for meters. R was rather silent and just staring, but I didn’t think too much of it because he is always silent during the come up. I asked him what to do now, since we had completed our goal of ‘walking to the water’. He told me he liked the idea of sitting right next to the lake for a bit, which was still in the bright burning Portugese august sun. I didn’t really like that idea since where we currently were in the long shadows with the golden light and the perfect view seemed like the best place to be at that time. I did want to give R his fun, and he seemed determined so I decided to give him his fun and walk with him. The light wasn’t golden yet there, just plain bright and white and I hid behind my hat. Around us were groups of people who were talking in every possible language about everything. It was interesting to listen, but also here due to the intensity of the trip it was hard to see where they were, with how many they were or what they looked like. The time a day was nearing 8 in the evening and the dancefloors would open soon for the first time at Boom. <br> <br> R noticed masses of people walking to the dancefloor area direction and I asked him where he wanted to go next. He said something along the lines of that everyone was walking that way and that thus we should too. I had also liked the idea of finding a quiet spot to peak on the LSD, but I felt really good, really zen and I was just plain amazed by the beauty of everything so I found the dancefloor idea equally fun. At the world music dance floor Boom was being opened, there was some sort of odd ceremony with strange sound and fire dancers. It was very atmospheric during the sunset. We walked through the full and moving crowd of people and found a more quiet spot in the back. It was a bit uncomfortable in this busy setting and the ‘music’ was very strange, but it was also interesting, and I was curious so I was content with the situation. <br> <br> Suddenly R looked at me with fixated eyes and said ‘I’m done’, so I asked ‘With what?” and he said ‘Well, everything’, so I asked ‘What does everything contain’ and he just looked straight ahead of him with fixated eyes for a while, turned to me, and then said very well articulated: ‘We’re through’, so I was like ‘What??!’ and he was like ‘We’re through, we’re no longer together’. To which I replied, very, very surprised, ‘Huh? What? Why??’ after which he said: ‘It has a reason’, so I asked ‘What kind of reason?’ and he didn’t reply, so I just asked ‘Can we be together again now?’ so he looked at me again with a strange serious expression, a bit wild, and said: ‘well what do you think’ so I asked: ‘Is this a joke?’ after which he first seemed to have a faint smile (could’ve been a visual) and then he said ‘Why do you have to be so stubborn’, so I asked him again ‘Well why then?!’ after which he replied: ‘It seemed like everything and everyone has come together here to make me a point...’ and then after a break: ‘And that is that we don’t fit together at all.” To which I replied: ‘But we fit together really well, we like the same music, films, series, think the same of life, we like LSD’ to which he said: ‘Now you’re just grasping to things’, to which I replied, just as surprised as earlier: ‘But why then?!’ and he looked at me with a very serious expression and said: ‘I just feel no love for you anymore’. Not long after that he dropped his bottle of water and walked straight into the dancing mass of people. <br> <br> I then sat down on the ground, shaking with a very rapid heartbeat while I still heard with reverb going over the dancefloor: “We’re through’ and ‘I just don’t feel any love for you anymore’, while I still heard those sentences I saw everyone’s mouth, on the entire dancefloor, move to those words. I remained sitting on the melting and patterning and shifting floor, with my bottle of water and also R’s bottle, I sat there for about 10 minutes after which I realised R probably wouldn’t come back to that spot, something I had been waiting for earlier, so then I texted my friends V and Hat with the message that R had gone insane and had dumped me. Not a long time after that some people with garbage bags came cleaning the dancefloor and asked me in sign language if they could take the bottle, so I nodded and a few more people took a look at why I was sitting there on the floor, to which I just replied with making a subtle sad face at them, they replied with a subtle sad face back. Not a lot later Hat phoned me back as a response to the text message and I got a chance to talk to a normal sane person about what had just happened. <br> <br> After getting some compassion and sympathy on the phone I decided to walk away from this place, as it has gotten dark and I had waited long enough for someone who indeed wasn’t coming back. All kinds of thoughts where running through my head, from random to practical, like what I’d do if I’d find R again, whether I should go look for him or not, how the rest of the week would be, whether I would let him in my tent after this and all kinds of things like that. Meanwhile I was all alone in the dark in the furthest corner of the Boom terrain, in an LSD trip that had just peaked, so I decided to just go wander around for a bit, something that always works well for me. I walked away from the stage sideways where women were doing a firedance on very atmospheric music. I stood under some trees looking at that from the side for a while. The water of the lake was bizarrely beautiful, the visuals had gotten to an eccentric peak and the trip was really rather strong. The whole situation had left me rather confused and I didn’t know what to do. I was all alone. The part of the lakeside where I was at the time was rather rocky, it had piles of large stones and the water had a very deep colour of blue. There was a dense layer of dust over the water disabling me from seeing the other side of the lake, and it was spectacular, even in my mindset, to walk through there. <br> <br> The stones would switch place, and occasionally the stones would form patterns that looked so much like humans that I actually thought they were groups of people until I came closer and they were just strongly shifting and shape changing piles of rocks. The corner around by the trees the terrain became looser and more gravel then rocks. Now, I know where I was at the time, but back then I actually had no clue. I could just about see where the shining water's edge was and decided that I would follow the edge of the lake to walk back because that would make the chance of getting lost the smallest. Occasionally I’d sit down during the walking, my hands were tingling and looking back I assume I was hyperventilating, something I was not really aware of at the time. I walked on for a bit and was suddenly greeted by three running dogs, which startled me to such a degree I made this strange yell / scream / odd sound out of raw fear that also startled me as I had no clue I could make such a sound. By now the surrealistic atmosphere, while walking alone by the water at night, really started to set in. Occasionally I’d just forget what I was doing in the first place. I felt very primal, like I was going through some sort of primal human state and had been thrown back to my roots with brute force, to primal feelings, it wasn’t unpleasant, but strange. <br> <br> I started thinking about things randomly, like my cats back home, and I had the feeling that if I would not think of them, they just like R would disappear and because I was walking there alone the association of home felt very warm and comfortable, and for some odd reason I started thinking of my dead kitten Lucy, I had the feeling that I had to do something to not loose Lucy even though she had been dead for a year and I think maybe I thought of her because only such a terrible memory was strong enough to not throw me with full consciousness to the fact I had just been dumped. I had gotten a bit further, but still had no clue where I actually was. In the distance I saw groups of people walking, very strongly covered with visuals, so they would switch in number, and I felt like some social contact with strangers could do me good, but I was much too shy to actually talk to people in that state, it seemed weird, so I didn’t, which led to me walking up to groups of people, stare at them and walk away again and then do the same thing with other groups of people. <br> <br> What I wasn’t aware of at the time, but do know now, is that by then I had gotten to the main dancefloor in this dark walk, of which I passed by the back side, and it looked so strange. What I thought I was seeing was a deep misty hole in the ground, out of which thick crowds of people came, with very long, meters long sharp green neon spikes were sticking out of which I had to avoid walking into, so I walked around as if I were to avoid these 5-10 meter long green neon spikes, which must’ve looked really silly. In reality I was just looking at the backside of the dj booth of the dancefloor, which sober isn’t all that weird, but during that trip I didn’t find that out, and I was surprised for a full day by what that actually was that caused me such a bizarre visual. A while further I looked back at it and saw the other side of the dancefloor, which I recognized as one. The music was really good, but I really didn’t feel like dancing at the time so I walked back to the water. There I had sort of lost my breath since looking back I was hyperventilating and I was constantly startled by everything like dogs and cars, so I was completely loaded with my own adrenaline. By the lake it was calm. I sat down on a few rocks where no one else was sitting and eventually I even lay down there, the only thing I was still concentrating on was getting as comfortable as possible. <br> <br> With my eyes closed the visuals weren’t any less than then the combination of LSD and nitrous oxide with patterns so complex and bright it was nearly shocking, while I had no nitrous oxide on all of Boom. If I looked one way I saw the moving mass of Boom which at the time seemed much like a dark psychedelic carnival and on the other side huge dense patterns in the mist with intensified colours and the dark water would glow up in the most insane patterns. The fog, which was actually dust, was very dense that night and the other side of the lake could not be seen. <br> <br> It just felt as if I was staring into deep emptiness, the nothingness, with around it thick layers of complicated patterns, and closer by me the shapechanging shifting colour changing rocks that formed the coastal line. At some point I was really only focusing on making myself comfortable, so I lay back with my head into a sharp rock. As you may understand, that wasn’t comfortable, and I got the association that I was laying there dead, with a cracked open skull. This image wasn’t unpleasant or bad, just dead. Like I were dead, but it was fine that way. I would look around from the one to the other side of Boom doubting ‘will I go look for the tent to check on all the stuff’ which seemed like the safe and easy option, or to go look for R in that dark psychedelic carnival. I chose, because I had gotten this far anyway, to go find the tent. The Boom camping site was terribly confusing. It was pitch dark so I didn’t know where I was at all and must’ve walked the wrong way about 15 times. In some magical way I did manage to find the tent which I opened to check if R was there, but he wasn’t. <br> <br> At that moment desperation kind of set in, I had gotten so far and I hadn’t found R yet, and I had no idea how he was doing (I later found out, a lot more weird and messed up than my story), I decided to walk back to the terrain, but it was very dusty so a lot of people were coughing or wearing caps over their mouth, now I have a history of phobia of contagious disease, so this really gave me a tuberculosis epidemic feeling. I rationally knew this was nonsense, but it felt like that. For about an hour I was just running around, searching in mild panic, I ran over the entire terrain looking for R, Hat phoned me again which felt like a moment of sanity, as soon as I talked to Hat I felt concrete and clear minded, and I was able to tell Hat that I had not found R yet, but that I was looking for him, but that with all the visuals it was already hard to tell which were actually people and which were just visuals of people, let alone which people were R. Having some phone support was nice though, because desperately searching for the person who just dumped you isn’t fun in any way. <br> <br> After I was searching for longer and longer and walking faster and faster and still had no trail of R it got more annoying too. The visuals were still at peak so they made searching practically impossible, and trying to understand where I even was was quite a challenge on its own. I remember on awful moment walking through an area called the Drop which has workshops and things like that, and I was looking for R and I heard loudly through the speakers this woman giving a workshop saying: “You’ve now been paired up, now look your partner in the eyes, person B, and listen, just listen, then I want the A people to speak about .. what it.. etc.” and I was brutally reminded of the fact I was all by myself in a foreign country at a festival, I had no boyfriend and no tripping buddy. <br> <br> After more then half an hour of panicked running around my phone finally rang, and it was R, who had another lack of sense when he baly chose the words ‘come to the tent, we need to talk’. Which was both a huge relief and also scary, because until two and a half hours ago I had no idea that there would even be anything to talk about. Oh well, I ran to the tent fast, which this time was difficult, but quicker found and I found R in front of the tent with no shirt and no cap on his head. The first thing he did was hug me, to which I responded with some quiet crying, nothing bad, just that ‘oh-shit-now-my-eyeliner-will-be-on-my-cheeks' teary eyes and R said ‘first of all, we’re not through’, and I had kind of seen that coming. I asked him if I could phone my mother because that idea had slowly creeped in when I was all alone. Luckily she picked up so I briefly told her what happened, and she said that I shouldn’t blame him too much which I experienced as very wise. She was right, being mad would not be useful, fixing things was a better idea. So I swallowed the pain, shock, suprise and frustration and started talking in on R, who had lay himself down on the ground rambling about absolute nonsense. <br> <br> Over the course of about 20 minutes I explained to him how reality worked again, what made sense and what didn’t, where he was, how things were and he finally came back to earth, not that he had stopped tripping, just that he wasn’t completely delusional anymore. It turned out he had been extremely confused and had thought that he was going to be taken into a tribe of light, and that he had to drop normal life, and also that he had to choose between ending the world and going to the tribe of light, and later that everyone knew the answer except for him, and that he had never tripped that hard and apparently he had asked a lot of random people to decide for him, asked them what he had to do, and there were even a few people willing to send him to Kosmicare, a place at Boom for people who went insane / freaked out on psychedelics. I then explained to him what did not make sense about that, and tried to explain for him how it all happened. R had a very brainless job in daily life with no space for freedom or creative thought and a lot of confrontation with narrow-minded people, to such a degree that the freedom of Boom, combined with all the chaos caused by the large terrain, all strangers speaking all languages had caused his brain to overload. <br> <br> I later also heard, that he had felt this coming for a few hours, that things were getting too much, but that he was ashamed to admit that even though I had actually suggested to him finding a calm spot to have the peak of the trip. I also in detail explained to him that his place in the universe and later, when he told me days after that he had been scared to admit he found things getting too much that he should just be able to trust me and that if he had listened to his gut and had been honest none of it might have happened. I also explained him that his thoughts were of a megalomanic egocentric and paranoid type and that thinking that you are the one to end the universe means you have gone temporarily bat shit insane. <br> <br> R had calmed down a bit and I was still a bit aftershocked by all that chaos, so while R was focusing on his interesting hand outside, I crawled into a pitch dark tent to listen to a very strange dark psy track. Plan succeeded, because the track was actually capable of being weirder then everything that had just happened. Not a lot later after that I changed the stuff I was carrying and we went back onto the terrain. R first said he didn’t feel like going back on the terrain, but I talked him down and he started liking the idea. We walked through the water, where the visuals still had free play, back to the dancefloor. It was now around 3 am at night and there was a dj playing dark psy music to prepare the dancefloor for Penta. It was good dark, and the dancefloor wasn’t that full so not much longer then 10 minutes after the chaos we stood there, full of energy, dancing. I told R ‘the start may have been bad, but half of the trip is still to come, so let's enjoy it’, and that happened. After half an hour and 1.5 liters of water later and after dancing our blood hot we decided to sit down for a bit next to the dancefloor, waiting for Penta to start, who would play an hour long live set and I was looking forward to that. I like dark psy, and its rare on Dutch dancefloors. <br> <br> There it was so peaceful again that I decided I wanted to compensate for the uncomfortable chaos of earlier so I took two good lines of ketamine in the dark, and just when they started to kick in Penta’s live set started, starting with a sample going ‘It begins’ followed by a fast dark beat. We ran back on the dancefloor, crawled in between the people and did not get off until one and a quarter hour later, which was when Penta’s live set ended. I felt occasionally turned sideways around 45 degrees, occasionally going up to switching to a nearly sideways vision and my concept of practical physics like distance and space had completely gone away, this was obviously from the ketamine. Dancing was overly comfortable because my muscles felt really, really loose and it was unimaginably comfortable. At the same time thanks to the LSD I was overflowing with energy so I yelled with enthusiasm to R that this dancefloor owned any dancefloor in my life ever. <br> <br> The sound was wonderful, the BPM was high, Penta’s live set was soo good that it didn’t feel like I was dancing, but rather like the music was doing that for me. Completely wonderful. By the time Penta’s live set ended the ketamine had also worn off again and due to it getting late we slowly walked back to the tents. Full of feelings of wonder and perfection in our minds we slowly walked back over the terrain, R was normal now, and actually quite fun company, the slow walk back was very dreamy, we pointed out the still-going and beautiful visuals at times, the sky, the surroundings and the general feeling was that of mild euphoria and well being. When back at our tents we met the Israeli people at our tent camp who we briefly told about our experience, they apparantly had taken shrooms on the dancefloor and had ended up rather confused themselves. Not a lot later we got into the tent which was no light to quickly sleep for a few hours. <br> <br> Looking back and conclusion: <br> I had never expected to deal that well with being dumped in a trip, but I’m glad I did. Four days after this we took LSD again together, a higher dose to compare for the tolerance but the effects were of similar intensity as this one, the second trip together at Boom was all that the first one was promising to be during the come up, it was beautiful, it was zen, it was fun, amazing visuals, feelings of deep, intense euphoria and wonder, as if Boom by simply being Boom amplified the mindset of LSD to a degree that was just simply wonderful, as if perfection isn’t a perfect enough word to describe it. R did not go insane his second trip at Boom and has done 7 trips on it with me since then and they have all gone fine. <br> <br> There were no after effects to this experience, to what had happened in the early peak, I loved R less for a few months and I didn’t understand it well, I still don’t, but all the other good things since have made me nearly forget about it, we have talked it through and it's fine now, but I’m pretty sure that the next person who has the guys to dump me in a trip where there are no other friends around can expect a foot in his balls.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 89493</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 8, 2011</td><td>Views: 13,971</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=89493&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=89493&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Music Discussion (22), Relationships (44), Difficult Experiences (5), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 6:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">175 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> As far as drug experience goes, extensive, I've tried just about everything and am a frequent user of pot, MDMA, speed, alcohol, and psychedelics. I am not disposed to psychotic or 'bad trips' though I have had a few fleeting episodes of paranoia in which I could not be convinced that the sense of doom was not a real threat, usually associated with bad set & setting combined with stimulants and sleep deprivation. <br> <br> I have never had what I would call a full on mystical experience before this point, though I have had several strange hypnagogic episodes as a child of what I now believe to be sleep paralysis, where I would feel generally a sense of infinite terror accompanied by such anomalies as a massive expansion of my body to a size beyond all comprehension, becoming so dense and massive that I felt I was becoming too weak to operate my lungs and heart. This seemed to be related to times when my thoughts would sometimes get 'stuck in loops' such as the image of a sphere being alternately engulfed by dark furrowed shadows and then 'purified' into smooth light. The most banal of these was the probably universal phenomenon of 'rising', like a spinning/levitating feeling while laying down, which seemed to be the most surface 'hallucination' of this type. Up until this experience happened, I considered myself agnostic, and would have identified as athiest if it didn't seem like a leap of faith, in short I was proud to consider myself materialist and free of 'illogical' spirituality. Oh, boy would that change. <br> <br> The setting was an electronic music festival in rural Washington, near Mt. St. Helens, a good 20 years after the eruption. The previous night, I had taken MDMA and smoked marijuana, and was the trip-sitter for a friend who ended up having a rather terrifying LSD experience, although the festival had up to that point still been very fun. Mentally, I came into the experience with a sense of dis-ease that I feel is important - I was unhealthy, philosophically frustrated, and believed myself to be weak-willed due to my percieved inability to quit my then-daily speed habit. I had been reading into the philosophies of AA / NA, and felt that I, as an agnostic, was not disposed to have the kind of ego-shattering 'submission to a higher power' that would allow me to be satisfied with a life without drugs. <br> <br> These manifested themselves as a strong desire to push the limits, even if the results were to be self-destructive, because I felt that 'rebuilding my personality' was what I needed at the time, I felt prepared to challenge myself with whatever acid could possibly manifest for me. In some sense, I issued an unspoken challenge to God to show me his face. That night, I decided to eat 3 hits of an extremely strong purple blotter and at about t+1:30 when we were still coming up, 2 of a more typical white-on-white blotter that was still pretty strong. Me and my fellow tripper V (same dose) decided not to smoke cannabis, in the hopes that we would remember the insights of the acid better. It was both of our first time going so deep with LSD, though we both had numerous lower-strength trips. <br> <br> For the first 4-5 hours of the trip it was fun and generally unremarkable - the rainbow melting Persian rug cartoon town feeling of acid that I had come to expect, albiet stronger than usual. If it sounds foolish for me to describe 650 mics of LSD as 'unremarkable in comparison', it is only because the volume at that point was at '3' which the nitrous oxide would turn up to '11'. While we are towards the end of the peak, we hear the 'psshhhtt' of a nitrous oxide tank, each of us buys a balloon that must have held at least 8 'whippits' of nitrous, and we sit down on a couch to blast off to some crunchy-bassed dubstep. I remember a feeling of apprehension, as if I were doing N2O again for the first time. I inhale a quarter to a third of it, and the following is instantaneously my true and only reality as the veil is lifted from this world: <br> <br> I look to my left, and instead of the other side of a couch, I see a little boy standing in a field in the daytime, as clear as anything, no psychedelic distortions or surreality that would indicate it was anything other than what my eyes were looking at. He is wearing Indian clothing and the thought comes to me 'Oh, I'm in India', and as this simultaneously is reconciled with my knowledge that 'I' am in Washington sitting on a couch, all contradiction and duality becomes nullified as my sense of being a distinct individual is obliterated by this ultramind of infinite consciousness. <br> <br> This 'boy' was part of a long line of people all over the world, who had ever lived or would ever live, and this line of people culminated into a huge rotating crowded disc of teeming lifeforms that were all moving towards the center. In previous nitrous + psychedelic experiences, I had gotten the deja vu sense that I was viewing a 'prophecy' of an event which was yet to happen, and I knew that THIS was the foretold event. At this center of the 'universal wheel / galaxy' I felt the presence of an 'energy being' who with such profound forgiveness welcomed me weeping ecstatically into its arms, that I knew it must be Christ, and the athiest part of my rational understanding pipes in with 'Ya GOTTA be shitting me?' <br> <br> With the next 'revolution' of the wheel, however, suddenly >I <br> I share a look at V, and we mutually decide to 'go back in'. Again, the veil is lifted and I go back to the 'hallway of archetypes', understanding thoroughly that this archetype of infinite love is the one who has the most awareness of true reality, compared to those for 'guilt' and 'fear' for example which seemed to be blinded by this 'true reality' as if in a tunnel, and I could experience those emotions to those fullest extent without this vision becoming dark or intolerable, because I knew that they were fabrications and that true deliverance from suffering was attainable to me at all times through compassion towards others. <br> <br> If I had been familiar with Buddhist thought at the time, I would have identified this consciousness as the 'Bodhisattva'. The necessity of the existence of negative emotion is justified by a primal 'warning' that I am meddling with forces I do not understand, this is an experience that is only meant to happen to people when they're about to die, and that if I comprehended the full bliss of it, I would be insane forever. Meanwhile, the line of people are still crawling towards the center of this disc, which is the source of the 'sound' and seems to be a disturbing sort of well of cosmic terror, a black hole at the center of this storm of insight. I turn (this all has a sense of passivity to it by the way, as if I am viewing choices which have already been made and not navigating this innerspace by choice) to the line of people with thought of 'I must ignore this warning and help them stop suffering', and balance on the edge of complete surrender of will as I gaze into the abyss, but before the 'tunnel vision of reality' returns as the nitrous wears off. <br> <br> I take my third hit and am back to the edge of the abyss. This time, I see clearly the source of the sound and what is making this wheel spin, and it is a vast machine powered by human energy, comprised of billions and billions of pipes networked together like an incomprehensibly large maze. Every human being had a 'pipe' in this machine which they entered at birth and were crawling forward through, inside of which they were not aware of anything but the view inside the pipe, which was waking consciouness. <br> <br> An infinite number of births, entire lives and deaths were occuring; every time the time an individual made a moral decision in their life, the pipe veered (but did not branch) off either towards (good), the outside of the machine, where the pipes started to open out into windows revealing the insight and happiness of the hallway of archetypes, or deeper towards (bad), the increasingly narrower, hotter pipes in the dark gravity-pit of terror. Instruments of torture such as burning hot steam, smashing pistons, saw-blades and whirling blades turned on unknowingly by individuals in adjacent tubes, inflicted suffering on the ignorant, helpless souls, who plunged deeper and deeper until their bodies were liquified, the machine had sapped all of their life-energy, and their consciousness returned to the light around them, reincarnating into a new soul who would crawl into a different pipe, thus I felt the screams of the entire human race as they perpetually commited suicide and then used as fuel within this machine. <br> <br> I despaired at the existence of such a grim truth which seemed to prove to me that suffering was inescapable and the path of life was predetermined (after all, a machine cannot 'choose' to do anything besides what it is programmed to), and thought to myself, if union with the Bodhisattva-Christ-Consciousness of love was Heaven, this infernal engine must truly be Hell. And the logical-consciousness, the same one that encouraged me to take a closer look at 'Christ', 'says', 'Don't you see, this is the game of society, of desires and expectations, that humans have created for themselves. We built this machine to occupy ourselves because we think something is missing during the times we forget about Universal Consciousness, the solution of dissatisfaction resolves to its own source, and we all got fooled into thinking this game is the True Reality.' I found this insight very funny, because it sounded like something an insane person would think, and when I laughed, it came out as a mechanical creak and puff of steam from the machine, and I re-entered my own tube, where I was sitting on the couch in rural Washington at a music festival next to my friend V with an empty balloon in my hand. ('Guess that's why they call it 'laughing gas'' - V) <br> <br> I was in on the Cosmic Joke. It was as if I could see the entirety of a massive horizon at the edge of religion and insanity, and the next period of time was spent trying my hardest to capture the insights in words, images and writing in a way that would convey it to other people, because I knew it would revolutionize the worlds of science and religion (this is before I had ever heard of Transpersonal or Integral Psychology) and possibly be the secret to world peace if everyone could understand this truth. <br> <br> I was so compelled that for the next 8-10 hours I was compelled almost manically as if I had taken speed to try and relate it to the others, who were coming down off their LSD at this point and seemed to have not crossed the 'mystical threshold' (indicating to me that simply combining high dose LSD and N2O is not enough, there is some other aspect required, perhaps involving belief and mental distress). But, with characteristic irony, my memories and recall became glitchy (though, this confirmed since we abstained from cannabis that it's not just the pot that does it) the harder I tried the more it would slip from my grasp. The memory of the experience itself seemed to be like a 'black hole' in my mind where thoughts would go in and come back out garbled, sometimes with a literal pain in my head that would not subside until I distracted myself from deep metaphysical thought, and I was starting to feel exhausted and overwhelmed by the whole situation. <br> <br> I became frustrated, feared for my sanity, admitted that I had lost 'it' and that drugs were only a glimpse of this true reality, and when I got some time to myself, I began to think about the implications this would have on the rest of my life and wept heavily. In my opinion this was the true moment of 'surrender', and the emotional catharsis that accompanied it was palpable, relief of a huge load I never knew I was carrying. My atheism, my firm conviction in rationalism, my lack of faith in the unknowable was all shattered, and I realized, this was exactly what I had asked for, a peek at the face of God and a chance to rebuild my brain, and opened up a realm to me that I thought I would never understand. <br> <br> My personality changed after this event - I started to do research on different faiths, found that Buddhism seemed to be most apt for describing my experience (the machine = samsara), and converted to a personal approach to that spiritual path involving meditations and yoga. Additionally, I became very interested in mystical experiences and the occult, and took ideas which I had previously passed off as 'New Age bullshit' with a more open minded light. <br> <br> I attempted to recreate this experience by combining N2O with psilocybin, lower doses of LSD, 2C-B, and DMT, and while I do believe I looked out the 'windows' at transcendental mystical reality, I was unable to completely 'view reality from the outside'. Rather, the later experiences were like a shadow of the moment of great insight, a pale memory. The flip side of that is whether I decide to go deeper into the black hole, or if I heed the warning for the sake of my sanity. It's been 6 months since the experience, and I still feel I have more information to integrate from last time before I am ready to go that far again.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 88760</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 18, 2011</td><td>Views: 23,206</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=88760&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=88760&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Nitrous Oxide (40) : Combinations (3), Mystical Experiences (9), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 8:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">200 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> WARNING: This is VERY long. But hopefully worth your while!<br> <br> On August 30th 2009 I had the trip of a lifetime. I’ll start from the beginning…<br> <br> Also, this is a pretty long story I realize, so I hope you’ll bear with me. I think anybody may find it interesting and hopefully valuable. Especially if you have had a very significant experience with LSD or other psychedelics.<br> <br> It was a Sunday evening, around 5pm when I was with my friend and his girlfriend who I have, in the past, experimented with psychedelics with. We were at the park, and I told them that tonight I was going to do the LSD that I had purchased about a week ago from a friend. This was a week before I would fly out to spend a year studying abroad in Germany. It was about 5pm and I took 1 and a half of the blotter sheets. I look back now, and wish I had known more about the source of LSD, because I am not sure what was with this LSD, all I know is that two of my other friends had done sheets from this same batch and had had terrible, yet enlightening trips. So I took the 1.5 sheets and I told them I wanted to go back to the girl’s house and watch a movie to start it all off right. We sat around in my friend’s girlfriend’s room, talking, not feeling the high yet, I decided to go ahead and ingest the other 1.5 sheets. So that is 3 blotter sheets.<br> <br> Me, being a daring but foolish lad, suggested we watch The Ring, as I thought this would be cool and scary, but hopefully not scary enough to give me really bad vibes. During the first scene of the film, two girls are talking and one of them looks scary. Well my mind started wondering, I could tell I was starting to enter that sort of dream-like state, and immediately I started fantasizing about the Ring Girl actually coming out of the TV like she does in the movie. Logic told me otherwise, but this certainly put a damper on my mood. The girl, who looked a little bit scary in the movie in the first scene, suddenly became extremely frightening to me and I looked at my friends and begged for them to turn the film off. They of course, complied, being good friends.<br> <br> At this point I was certainly feeling euphoric and ready for a long night. I decided I wanted to get back into the swing of things, make my setting better, and put on the Pokemon first season DVD. I knew this would be harmless and fun, hopefully bringing back up my mood. The cartoon was blurry and strange, certainly nothing like what I had ever seen before. I could distinctly tell the flaws in the animation, and still felt anxious during the entire viewing.<br> <br> I really will not be able to do much documenting of time, as this was over a year and a half ago, and time was distorted pretty righteously during this entire trip. It was after the episode, so it was probably about two hours since I took the first hit and a half. We were sitting in the room, and suddenly I felt like my friends were conspiring against me. They left the room and came back, and every time they laughed or said anything, I was sure it was directed towards me. I felt that I was the center of attention, and of course they (from my sober minds memory) were alarmed by my apparent anxiety and delirium. I didn’t mention it, but I didn’t feel too comfortable around them. So I suggested we go back to the park. They agreed, so we did.<br> <br> We went back to the same park from earlier. At this point I wasn’t feeling too bad, as I was walking through the park I had a keen awareness of everything around me and took a walk alone. The grass was blowing in the wind, it was very whimsical. I felt like I was in a fantasy world, everything seemed so magical. I have no idea how long we were there, as this is the most distorted part of the night, but at some point we got in my friend’s car and left. I don’t think we were there for more than an hour. <br> <br> As we were driving around the city, my friends were trying to think of somewhere to go, as they too had technically committed (selfish of me) to ‘entertaining’ me for the night. As we were driving I started to go into full blown panic attack mode. Chest tightness, fear, anxiety, racing mind, everything. I was immensely uncomfortable, sweaty, but I wasn’t too alarmed, yet. I had done ecstasy before and felt like this, so I figured it was just a small thing that would pass in time. As we were driving, I felt as if the car was a chariot of fire racing across the town. Every swerve, change of lane, speed up or slow down, I felt like I was on an amusement park ride. If I was nauseas, I don’t recall, but I certainly felt like I should have been. <br> <br> Around, what I’d guess was ten o clock we got a phone call from a friend of mine who is pretty well versed in the world of psychedelics. I knew I could talk to him, and my friends knew I was feeling pretty bad and that I was not having a very positive trip. We picked up my friend from his girlfriends house, and now it was the four of us. He got in, and the first thing I told him was ‘Dude, I am having a crazy trip man. I’m on LSD.’ He laughed and started talking about how I should be approaching it and then went on to talk about what he had been doing that night. Of course my selfishness came out, and I was a bit annoyed that he wasn’t focused on me, and my trip. I then told him I was having a really bad trip, and that I had some bad anxiety. So he tried to coach me a bit, give some words of advice; Nothing I hadn’t heard before, nothing that seemed to help, at least not in that mind state.<br> <br> We went to a gas station, and as he lost his driver’s license he couldn’t purchase cigarettes. So my friend asked me if I would purchase them. I told him there is no way in bloody hell I was going to go in some lit up gas station and try and do any exchange with money. He asked me, and through my realizing earlier that I was being self centered, I decided a good deed would be good for my vibes, so I agreed. He handed me cash, I went in, and of course had an extremely difficult time ordering cigarettes from the man behind the counter. Everything was extremely bright, and the man seemed to only have foul intentions. I handed him the crumpled, sweaty money, took the change, and booked it out of there. <br> <br> I gave my friend the cigarettes and he was very thankful, making me feel good. We got back in the car, I’d say it was around 11 getting near midnight. We may have made a stop at a store, but unfortunately once again, this was a very cartoonish and surreal part of my night where little is recalled in its entirety. As we were driving, my friend had to drive his girlfriend home. She was on the phone with her mother and I was in the back muttering and probably being somewhat hysterical. She told her mom ‘everything is alright...’ ‘No, he’s fine’ and a few other things that made me sure that her mother had heard me and probably knew I was on some sort of drug. This terrified me, and made me think the attention was all on me again, my worst fear. I ask her to this day, and she still tells me that her mother was not talking about me. I was sure she was, even in my sober recollection.<br> <br> Anyways, we drop her off and I am full on panicking. No memory really of this, but I do remember being fidgety and not comfortable in the car whatsoever. So at this point it is me and my two friends, and the ‘psychedelic guru’ friend wanted to go ahead and go back to his place. I don’t know what it was, but I had a small wave of comfort. Perhaps it was the light mood and banter the three of us were having in the car. It was an actually fairly long to drive to the other friends house on the freeway, so we had time to ‘bond’. On the freeway there was construction that held us up, to the point that it looked like we would have to get off the freeway. This brought out the panic again, as I was sure it was a universal supernatural happening (which would be a theme for the rest of the night) and I was doomed. We drove through the construction though and everything was fine. There were some strange lights on the construction vehicles, and I joked that they looked like space ships (milking the fact that I was on drugs) and my friend joked that he saw little aliens running around in the fields. So of course I looked, knowing that it was a joke and they were trying to mess with me. No, I didn’t see aliens, but once again the grass looked whimsical on the side of the freeway and I got another small surge of peace.<br> <br> When we got to my friend’s house, he suggested we stay for a while. This was the last thing I wanted to do, as I wanted peace, and his place was always a party haven. I told my other friend (who I started the night with) that this was the last thing I wanted to do, over and over. He of course tried to calm me and promise we wouldn’t stay long. I remember just dreading going in that house, because that was a place I associated with this sort of psychedelics adventure, and at this point, I wanted nothing else than to be sober and not tripping, as I now associated tripping with negative things (and unfortunately still do to this day…we’ll get into that soon).<br> <br> We went into the house, and there were a few other guys. My friend told them I was having a bad trip, and they laughed, though probably not actually at me, I just thought they were. We sat around, they were drinking, I was extremely uncomfortable, and they actually kept asking me if I was ok, over and over. So I clearly was showing something. I thought I had been hiding it well though… They then suggested I smoke some pot. I said no, but my friend who seems to know his stuff kept insisting so finally I did. I took, maybe two hits from a pipe. <br> <br> We sat around for a while longer, and then the bad vibes really hit me when one of the guys told me a story of what happened to another friend this same night! Another guy who I had taken shrooms with earlier that summer and who was truly a guru of psychedelics had decided to go on a ‘vision quest’. He didn’t eat sleep or drink for three days straight. Well apparently that night, he had completely been out of character when he came over, then left and attacked a random guy off of the street for complimenting his dreads. He was arrested and put in a psych ward and they said he was suicidal and psychotic. He was later released, I think the next day. But this was NOT something you tell somebody in the midst of a bad trip. I lost it. I knew that would be me, it was the same night, too much of a coincidence. This guy was somebody I admired in the world of psychedelics, I felt really bonded to him when we did shrooms together, and this news completely put me in what would be the worst trip of my life.<br> <br> We left, my friend and I, and it was about 2 am I believe. He needed to get rest, but I needed him, I was completely out of my mind I felt, and panicking and feeling that I was either going to go crazy or some other supernatural cosmic experience was going to happen. I did have the intuition to tell that it was time to let him go home and go to bed though, but I certainly was not going to go home myself (I lived with my parents at the time). So I called my ex girlfriend who is actually my best friend and was still at the time. Although we were having a bit of a rough time and I believe she may have been hooking up with a guy I was not too fond of at the time. I was jealous. (This is applicable, I think, to what will be my later twisted perceptions of her. I am not just confessing my boring social life here!) Also, she was actually one of the people who did this LSD and had a pretty crazy trip where I was the one who kind of coached her through it.<br> <br> My friend drops me off, concerned, but more exhausted then anything. It was time I let him go, he had done enough. I called her while he was driving basically crying telling her I was having a horrible trip and I NEEDED her. When we arrived, she came outside, and all we did was embrace. It was nice, and I felt still attracted to her, and naturally started to feel a bit sexually charged during the embrace. This feeling suddenly became something I was ashamed of, and that I thought was ‘wrong’. I have a Christian background that I won’t go into, but those sort of thoughts are unfortunately etched into my person.<br> <br> We went inside, and it was about 2:30 AM, I think. I sat down and really didn’t say much, besides that I was having a bad trip and I was panicky about everything. I then tried to give her concrete examples about WHY I was having a bad trip, but couldn’t, and she was skeptical. The fact that she thought I was just being dramatic drained more hope from me. I tried to tell her the story about my friend going to the mental hospital, but I just wasn’t coherent enough to explain why this was even pertinent to my own situation.<br> <br> She offered me some oatmeal, and I agreed. She sat down and I ate the Oatmeal. It was just making me nauseas, I didn’t want food. She sat across from me, and visuals now came back to my trip. Almost 10 hours later, my trip seemed to come on stronger than ever before. I looked at her, and could see very twitch, every movement as being exaggerated and … well…disgusting almost. She scratched her eye, and it looked like she was trying to peal her eyeball out of it’s socket. She sneezed, and it seemed like a long winded cackle. And I still do not understand how I looked at the clock and it wasn’t working, then it was working a bit later. I even asked her, and she gave some rational explanation as to why it wasn’t working, then was later on.<br> <br> I then noticed that she had some red chopsticks next to her, a red shirt, the lights all looked red, and then I saw her earrings which were almost…demon-like. I started fantasizing her as a demon. She seemed to be conspiring against me. I got up and went to the bathroom, the poor girl was helpless. Well, I was, but she felt bad and seemed very distressed for not being able to help me. As I was urinating, she started singing. This freaked me out, but it wasn’t a big deal. Later on, I went in to pee again, and she started singing again. My mind processed this as happening every time I started urinating, and I wanted to think of this as some sort of supernatural occurrence, or a demonic witch song of some kind. <br> <br> I have no idea how long I was there, but after a while I was really making her tired and frankly, scared of me. This is why she tells me she was singing, it made her feel comfortable when she was half waiting for me to become psychotic and do something drastic. I couldn’t find my phone. Of course, this was a security device, so I started to panic even more. So she led me around to look for it. We entered her bedroom, and she was looking all over for it. This is where things get even weirder. She got in her bed and moved blankets around looking for it. I hadn’t remembered even going in her room, why would my phone be in there? I then knew she was trying to get me in her bed, to have sex with me.<br> <br> I immediately hit what I would call the pinnacle of the trip, when I vividly imagined us making love, and as soon as I penetrated her, I would reach a sort of enlightenment, it would be so pure and so beautiful. But then, it could also be ‘Sin’ and I would become a patron of this demon. Or that I would lose my ‘self’, ego death? I then saw this all as being two roads in front of me. Two choices, which would become another theme. She continued to search for the phone, and I started being mean to her; I chose. I would not have sex with her (like she would have!) and instead I’d be on my own. She kept asking if I wanted her to take me home, and finally after lots of quarreling, I agreed. I knew this would be a solo mission from here on out.<br> <br> As we were driving, her car broke down. I knew this to be another supernatural occurrence, and I still can’t explain the coincidence of it. Her car started up again and we made it to my house. I sat in the car with her, and apologized. But as she started her car again, it wouldn’t start. She was out of gas. She kept revving the engine and trying to get it to go. My mind told me she was trying to wake my parents, to get me in trouble. This was the two paths, either A. go back with her and be in a hellish type of world, or B. get in trouble by my parents, live the traditional Christian life, but be punished for what I was messing with. She called her father to come bring her gas, and asked if I would wait outside with her. I then fantasized that if I chose that, I’d be with her, and once again, be demonic, or I could leave her, and get in trouble. With how I was perceiving things, it all seemed to go back and forth between these two choices. Almost as if this was all a dance, choreographed. <br> <br> Well, I went inside my house, and just went straight to my room after getting some water. We texted, I apologized, probably saying all sorts of crazy shit, then finally her father came and eventually she got off. While inside, my mind created these two scenarios and added even more detail. I could go out there, die, burn in hell, live in pleasure; or I could stay inside and be a Christian drone and be holy or whatever. Then a third choice popped up, if I went to bed, I’d die, and my death would be a zombie like death, where there would be nothing else, no after life or nirvana or anything.<br> <br> I went into the bathroom, and wet my face and hair. I had a huge beard at the time, and long hair. As I washed, I looked into the mirror and saw myself as a Jesus-like figure. I knew I must shower. As I turned on the shower it was cold, then I turned it off. It also smelt like bleach. I kept repeating this process. So I then came to the conclusion that it was God telling me I must be punished and be baptized in cold, bleached water. Well, if I did that, I’d be committing. Now in my sober mind I assume my father bleached the shower, which he does often, and I didn’t ever give the chance for the water to warm! Ha! Self destructive mind. So I waited, went back into my room and opened up the bible. Before I did though, the fan next to my bed blew it to a page, and this is what I came to: Luke 11:14-28<br> <br> 14 Jesus was driving out a demon that was mute. When the demon left, the man who had been mute spoke, and the crowd was amazed. 15 But some of them said, “By Beelzebul, the prince of demons, he is driving out demons.” 16 Others tested him by asking for a sign from heaven. <br> <br> 17 Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them: “Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall. 18 If Satan is divided against himself, how can his kingdom stand? I say this because you claim that I drive out demons by Beelzebul. 19 Now if I drive out demons by Beelzebul, by whom do your followers drive them out? So then, they will be your judges. 20 But if I drive out demons by the finger of God, then the kingdom of God has come upon you. <br> <br> 21 “When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house, his possessions are safe. 22 But when someone stronger attacks and overpowers him, he takes away the armor in which the man trusted and divides up his plunder. <br> <br> 23 “Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters. <br> <br> 24 “When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ 25 When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. 26 Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first.” <br> <br> 27 As Jesus was saying these things, a woman in the crowd called out, “Blessed is the mother who gave you birth and nursed you.” <br> <br> 28 He replied, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.” <br> <br> So at this point I figured God was totally speaking to me in this trip and was here with me. Although I felt a sense of comfort, it was all still too alarming. It was nice to know that there IS a God, but I still felt conflicted at my ‘three’ choices that I had to deal with. I could go to sleep (like any sane man would at what was now 5 in the morning), I could go take the shower, or I could go back outside to where my ex was still waiting for her father.<br> <br> However, I didn’t choose. I listened to some music that I love, I was hoping that would calm me. At this point, it was odd, I felt that the wild trip was over, but I still felt out of touch with everything, and I still was in this ‘Psychotic state’, if you will. This was 12 hours after the initial taking of the drug! Well I listened to some Animal Collective and then Enya for another few hours, sitting in my bed, moving around restlessly, tripping still. The music was insane, I could pick out every detail, every single ‘imperfection’. <br> <br> At around 7 am there was movement outside my room. Everyone in my family was getting ready for school and work. I then decided to go sleep in my brother’s room which used to be mine before I started college, now I was sleeping on a cot in an office. I went and got in my old bed, where the vibes were better and I had my computer. My computer would allow me then to RESEARCH. Immediately at around 8 AM I got onto the computer and looked at various websites, doing google searches trying to figure out how I was still tripping. I figured I’d be like this forever. As I was doing searches I kept coming across Christian spiritual websites, once again reaffirming my notion that this has all been an act of God or something else. <br> <br> At around noon, things were more clear. Don’t get me wrong though, I am still tripping. Still having slight visuals too if I stare at the wall for a while, things would move. I decided it was a nice day, and with my step mother vacuuming for what my mind was telling me for hours (although every time I went and peeked our my door, she wasn’t, I just heard it. Auditory hallucinations?) I decided I’d go for a walk. Outside I experienced the morning glow. Everything was fantastic, and I started to feel a bit reenergized. Almost positive. Although still a bit shocked and unsure about all that I had experienced. I walked for an hour, and then returned home. Messaged my ex online and told her everything, and she thought I was delusional or being dramatic. But I still felt like I was tripping, even at around 2 o clock. That would be about 21 hours later from initial consumption of dose. Impossible? It certainly is hard to find other cases, I sure couldn’t. But I was certainly still feeling very high, and still in the same mode of thought.<br> <br> I tried so hard to sleep. That is part of the reason I am sure my trip continued so long. I lay in bed, and then at about 3:45 my father bursts into my room and reminds me I have a doctor’s appointment that I had forgotten about at 4. At this point nothing could alarm me, surprise me, or scare me anymore. So he let me borrow his car (Ha!) and I drove to the doctor’s office. <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> Still feeling very uneasy and high, I made it, and once in the office anxiety set in again. I was there regarding some anxiety issues I had been having (at the time I thought they were purely physiological, but they stemmed from what I later would find out to be an anxiety ‘disorder’). I got into his office, and the doctor talked and talked about the same thing. This was the acid, in FULL EFFECT. He mumbled on about me ‘having a good head on my shoulders’ and so on and so forth. But I had no idea what he was saying really, and he kept dragging on and on and I wanted to get out of there! Finally he finished and let me go when I was practically on my feet, still having small visual sensations as well.<br> <br> As I started my father’s car, I looked at the gas tank and it said empty. I then felt that this was it, I would go wonder off away from the car and become a street urchin and have no sense of self and be like the men and women who wander the streets muttering to themselves about aliens and past lives and what not. But I was stubborn. I called my father and told him the gas light was on and it was empty, and he was confused because he said he gave me almost a full tank. Well, sure enough, I started the car, looked at the gas light, and it was near full. How do you explain that?<br> <br> I got home after having a run in with a guy who dated my sister on the street; I was sure he was tailing me in his car and wanted to kill me. But logic did try and work and tell me otherwise. I got home, nearly crumbling to my father and telling him I was on lsd and I needed him to go ahead and drive me to the hospital. It was 24 hours later and I was still in hysterics, still tripping. I knew I’d be like this forever until it all just faded into me not knowing who or what I am anymore. I got online again and talked to my ex again and my first friend from the evening and they both still acted as if I was being dramatic. But I then asked the first friend to drive me to the hospital, deadly serious, and he almost did. Till my ex messaged me with some information about temporary psychoses after using LSD, so I was somewhat comforted and for some reason went and got in bed. I did so, tried to fall asleep, and around 6 pm I fell asleep.<br> <br> I tripped, hard, for 24+ hours on LSD. And it changed my life.<br> <br> That night, I was woken up for dinner, declined, and felt anew. I actually felt myself again. I called a friend and told him I needed to be out and get some fresh air. Him and some friends came and got me, and I had my first cigarette that night (ha! I was always opposed to smoke tobacco, while trying every other substance under the sun, even chewing tobacco.) We drove around, I lightly mentioned I had an intense lsd trip that night and I just needed a relaxing evening.<br> <br> Well, about two nights before I left for Germany, I couldn’t sleep, I felt weird. Very weird. Something was off, and I was having intense anxiety. When I got to Germany, and for my entire stay for almost a year, I spent almost every evening having panic attacks, flashbacks to my trip, and anxiety 24/7. I came home for Christmas and was prescribed Prozac and Xanax. I took those for the rest of my stay and just this last August of 2010 I changed to Zoloft. I quit that, as I have been feeling somewhat better, and more in tune. Accepting that maybe there are unexplainable things in our universe, and that I don’t need all the answers. Did I experience supernatural occurrences? Was it an act of God? Was I temporarily psychotic and underlying psychological conditions were uprooted? I don’t know.<br> <br> Thanks for reading. There is so much more I could share, so many psychological and spiritual experiences I have had since the trip, but I won’t hold you any longer. If you have any insights or anything, please feel free to share.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 88866</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 11, 2011</td><td>Views: 23,411</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=88866&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=88866&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Mystical Experiences (9), Post Trip Problems (8), Multi-Day Experience (13), Difficult Experiences (5), Various (28)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">66 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Background: <br> I'm a 19 year old university student in North America. I consider myself moderately experienced with psychoactives, with a handful of adventures with mushrooms, LSA, and LSD under my belt. I've had dosages of up to 4 grams, 10 grams, and 2 hits respectively. I've also dabbled in other psychs such as 4-AcO-DMT and diphenhydramine, not that I can recommend the latter to anyone. I'm not on any medication currently and consider myself an introverted but open person. This trip took place on the weekend before my final exams, on a cold but pleasant winter night. <br> <br> I went into this trip having no obligations or worries to deal with. My reason for choosing one hit of LSD instead of doing the typical increase in dosage was based on all my previous trip experiences combined. For me, the best part of tripping lies in the wonderful emotions I find myself subject to, not the visuals. I was curious to see if I could elicit these same feelings from one hit, saving money and hopefully allowing for an easier integration of highly social environments. Living in a dormitory is not the same as being alone on a mountain. <br> <br> Takeoff: 6:10pm <br> I eat one geltab of LSD from a trusted source who I have had prior transactions with. The only food in my stomach at the time was a moderate lunch of pasta and cottage cheese @ 2:45. I put on the album Come With Us by The Chemical Brothers while I took hits of some cannabis out of a vaporizer, preparing for the coming novelties. I started off in my dorm room, with the lights dimmed as I read and waited out the come-up. <br> <br> About thirty minutes after eating the acid I noticed some time dilation, and light feelings of anxiety started to come out. I had always tripped with a partner in the past and I was excited at the possibilities that were in front of me, though this also made me nervous. After reminding myself about how I was only going to be on a light trip this particular evening, I was calmer and “ready” to begin. <br> <br> T+ 1:00 <br> About an hour after I had dosed, I decided to take a lengthy walk. As I got dressed for the cold weather outside, the wood grain on my closet door began to dance about. Wood grain is a foolproof illusion-initiator and it made me glad for the familiar sight. Exiting the building, I ran into a friend of mine who commented on the grin I was wearing and wished me a good trip. I tried to think of where I should go, and remembering a great bike-path route that followed alongside a highway before curving back towards campus, coming to the conclusion that there would be no better peak to my trip than by myself in nature. While on my walk, I became very appreciative of the increased sensitivity to light that I was receiving. The way shadows and beams emitted from streetlights play with each other when under the influence of psychs has always been one of my favorite little marvels, and during the nighttime in winter the refractions of light hitting falling snowflakes and ice on the ground is even more pleasing. The clear night sky gave a wonderful display of constellations that shimmered on a backdrop of blacks and blues. <br> <br> As I made my way parallel to the highway, memories of taking walks through forested evenings with my family as a youngster came back to me. It's true, I realized, that the things I enjoyed most sober were the things I enjoyed most when tripping. At this point in time I was close to the peak of my trip and was taking in all of the stimuli through my heightened sense of vision, but what came to me next was probably the most important thing that the trip brought with it. I had returned to the feeling of gratitude and wonder that I had gotten a taste of on my last mushroom trip. I reveled in just being able to witness Earth's splendor in its accentuated state that I had chosen to employ for the night. It took me less than two hours to find what I was seeking: the simple euphoria and joy of being that you don't need a heroic dose to achieve. Ecstatic in my discovery that one hit of acid was providing me with as much happiness as another other psychedelic experience had ever given me, I noticed that the glow of car headlights coming up behind me on the road would pulsate behind me, so that watching the ground around my footsteps was like watching a breathing nebula of white light. I saw a fractal overlay on some runaway clouds that were moving across my path as my walk came to an end. <br> <br> T + 3:00 <br> Upon returning to my room, I made funny faces at myself in the mirror, something I do on a daily basis just for fun. On acid it's even more fun and I chuckle at my reflection, taking care to recognize the dilated pupils that Hofmann's potion had blessed me with. Focusing on my face and ignoring the rest of what the mirror shows me, my doppleganger suddenly popped out of the mirror and I am literally face-to-face with a 3D replica of myself. I found this especially entertaining. <br> <br> I come into contact with my friend T over the phone, who wishes to join me for the remainder of my voyage. I assist him in finding some mushrooms and relax with some good friends as he eats ~2g. While we hang out I notice a slight tightness in my chest, but it isn't something I'm unacquainted with and it doesn't bother me. Approximately :45 after he finishes, our convoy of about six people--all either drunk, high, or tripping—depart to a popular local sledding hill a stone's throw away. Through this point in time my visuals were quite subdued, although my elated mindstate was just as intoxicating as ever. I did not experience any nystagmus during my trip, but did notice a certain acuity in the dimension of everyday objects that had not been there before. I chalked it up to the notion that LSD was helping me receive reality through a less filtered template than normal and noted it as just another thing to be thankful for. <br> <br> When sledding, I seemed to have boundless energy surging through my body when faced with the task of climbing the hill for another run. Sledding is a thrill as a kid, one that doesn't go away no matter how old you get. My balance and proprioceptive abilities were not affected as they might have been had I simply been drunk, something else I found reason to be happy about. The general mood of everyone at the hill was positive and when I wasn't chatting or flying down the slope on my stomach, I took time to watch the horizons sparkle with the various pinpricks of light that came from all the various buildings, lightposts, and cars. <br> <br> T: +5:40 <br> We make our way back to campus, satisfied with how the brief outing has gone. I spent some time watching a television program about the planet Earth with my compatriots before remembering that even if I was not feeling hungry at the moment, I would be quite soon. I say farewell to everyone and head downtown for a sandwich. <br> <br> T: +7:00 <br> On my walk I notice that the only real effect I had left to be dazzled by was the twinkling of lights that greeted me all the way down Main Street to the Deli. My mood had stayed constant since the beginning and I discovered myself continuously praising whatever had created this universe in the back of my mind as I picked up my food and returned to campus. On the way back, everything extra-sensory diminished to levels no longer perceptible. <br> <br> Retrospection: <br> This trip, though mild in many ways, gave me a very valuable lesson in tripping. Less is more, especially when you expect to find yourself in a variety of different environments with different people and different expectations for how one is to act. I came into contact with the Resident Advisors of my building (read: authority figures), sober adults at the sledding hill, and even the public as a whole when I was retrieving my snack during my trip. Being on only one hit made it so that there was no need to transition to 'acting normal.' I was able to integrate into these circumstances seamlessly, something that can't be done on a higher dose. I am still interested in exploring higher doses of psychoactives, but I'm not seeing as much of a reason to as I had thought there was before. This trip was amazing to me and there was never any regret regarding my dose. It affirmed my love to be alive, which is the most I could ever ask of a trip. My opinion of LSD has gone up. Way up.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 67627</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 31, 2011</td><td>Views: 15,412</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=67627&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=67627&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Nature / Outdoors (23), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Date and Time: It was the weekend of Halloween, and Devil’s Night (the night before Halloween) to be more exact. It was Monday, October 30th, 2006. <br> <br> Long-term Background: I was attending Bridgewater College for my first semester. It was midway through, and I was absolutely annoyed with life on that campus. I sought a way out of it wherever and whenever I could. Drugs and alcohol become the easiest means of escape, and that is mostly what those chemicals were used for, like one who prays once to some god and expects all of his or her problems to be instantly solved, at least for some time. <br> <br> I had experimented with various substances up to the point of LSD, including hydrocodone, oxycodone, morphine, zycam, psilocybin mushrooms, marijuana, hashish, xanax, cyclobenzaprine, seroquel (taken ignorantly), and dextrostat. The use of those drugs was spread out over the period of a year. The most recent experience I had prior to my LSD experience was the mushroom experience, which was amazing, and which will be mentioned in another post. I used mushrooms about a month before LSD AT MOST. <br> <br> My girlfriend’s birthday was to be taking place on Halloween, the day after my LSD experience. She made me paranoid about using because she hated drugs of all kinds, and she hated when I used them in particular. She had threatened to end our relationship prematurely on several occasions when she discovered my mere monthly marijuana use. This may have attributed to the negative after effects of this LSD trip which I am going to discuss. I attained the substance through a guy for a very fair price, and even having the substance on me made me rather paranoid, because I knew if my mother or father or anyone outside my sphere of trust discovered my possession of it, they would destroy it. So, there was a great deal of fear revolving around the substance the entire time I had it, as well as wonder that I even had it in the first place. Attaining it was very easy, and yet finding the time and place to use it was very difficult. I locked it in a safe, and hid the safe in a closet. I could’ve sworn I would return to my dorm room one day to find an officer waiting there to handcuff me and put me away forever. <br> <br> Short-term Background: I was in Waynesboro, VA, which is where the trip took place. I was alone in my room. My mother and father had drifted off to sleep, and I had the house to myself. Unlike most other experiences, I had no purpose for this trip. I was anxious to experience it, but without a purpose, I feel the resulting lack of focus and chaos attributed to the anxiety I later experienced. <br> <br> 10:00 PM. I put a hit in my mouth. I waited. <br> <br> 10:10 PM. I could not recall how long LSD took to react with the mind, so I put anther hit in my mouth. I was beginning to fear I was sold something inactive. <br> <br> 10:15 PM. Since I had three more hits left, I decided to throw one more in just to seal the deal, and be done. If nothing happened, I thought to myself, nothing happened. If something does happen, it will be very pronounced. I licked some whitish powder which was at the bottom of the bag thinking it was pure LSD. I believe it was actually cocaine, as my tongue went slightly numb. I walked down the hall to the room in which my computer was humming to itself, basically waiting for me to hop onto erowid and look up LSD experiences. <br> <br> 10:30-11:00 PM. I still didn’t feel anything pronounced. I was reading that LSD could take up to an hour and a half to react, so I grew more patient. I started to read people’s reports, some of which were negative, which was probably a bad idea given the circumstances. I began thinking to myself “Well, there is no way back now. I must ride this wave back to the shore.” I printed off a pornographic image to see how LSD effected one’s perceptions of sex and sexuality. After attempting to jack off, I realized how uninteresting the image was, as well as the premise of sex itself. Pornography had always repulsed me unless I was aroused prior to looking at it. I was becoming a bit drowsy. “Hmmm…”, I thought “I should probably leave. I don’t want to wake my parents up if I start making odd noises or knocking things about.” <br> <br> 11:00-11:30 I began my quest walking about Waynesboro. I called my brother and told him of my predicament. He laughed, and said “Well, have fun ____, and don’t laugh too hard!” I felt very childlike, which was nice. I was full of wonder, and could not easily recognize things. I would look at a trashcan and notice the top, which i could set something on, or the sides, which I could use as walls. I did not see it as something to merely put trash in. I walked down a street known as Woodrow, which I thought would be pretty. It was mostly frightening. The shadows seemed to know of my mental state and picked on me by taking the forms of dark, cartoonish monsters. Although the street is named after the president, it could easily be mistaken as being named for the row of trees planted on the sides of the road. The trees themselves were beautiful when I looked up at the sky through they’re branches. Those were my limbs, and I was reaching skyward. <br> <br> 11:30-12:00 I called my roommate. I was very paranoid. It was late, and if any of you are familiar with Waynesboro, there is nothing there to do after around 9 except go to Wal-Mart. Occasionally a car would pass, and occasionally I would hallucinate the sound of a car coming up behind me. There was no one out but me. The entire town was dead, and it felt awful to experience it as such. I was so lonely. I was constantly turning around. I recalled a time 2 years previous in which 5 cop cars in a row traveled down the curvy Wayne Avenue hill during one of my early morning outings. I was not 18 when I had seen those cars, and was subjected to curfew laws if discovered to be a juvenile out after 12. I feared the same thing would happen, and this time they would mistake me for a juvenile only to discover I was 18 (an adult who can be punished as such) AND under the influence of LSD, with two hits remaining on my person. I really did not want any contact with the police at that point. My roommate helped me keep my head. <br> <br> 12:30-1:00- I made it to the post office, and realized how close I was to the police station. The sidewalk tiles began to lift up and spin about under my feet, which obviously made it very difficult to maintain my composure. I believe I did quite well, considering. I took a side road, and walked through some residential neighborhoods, and remarked something like “Man, this whole town is dead. The dreams of these people are only found in sleep! They would be repulsed to know my condition, and yet they will be very intimate with me in the grave! The grave is not something terrible, but a union, a negation of hatred and love which forms neutrality and sameness.” Then I sat down. The sky and the earth became a sphere, the shape all things attempt to maintain. The stars were swarming about in the sky like bees, and I felt as though they were producing the sweet, honey-like sense of well-being I was experiencing. <br> <br> And then I realized I was lying on someone’s front lawn, became extremely paranoid, and ran down the street. Motion interrupted all of the visuals, I realized. Sitting down was a terrible idea if I didn’t want to look suspicious, because the experience became VERY heavy when I did (the next time I use anything, I will be stationary for the majority of the time, or moving only slightly). I eventually made my way back to the curvy Wayne Avenue hill. Upon passing the YMCA and crossing the bridge, I began to fear I would jump or fall off, so I walked very slowly. I cannot image what I looked like walking about under the influence. My limbs felt absolutely EXHAUSTED. I don’t know whether this is common, but I experienced a similar lethargy with mushrooms (although the mushroom lethargy also granted EXTREME euphoria). This lethargy felt more like my muscles were shaking and losing strength than being actually tired. I was slightly trembling, and sweating a bit. I definitely wanted to sit down. I was more coherent than when I use marijuana, and far more coherent than when I used mushrooms, but I felt as though I was imagining my ability to rationalize and speak, when in reality, I believe I was speaking and thinking like a lunatic. I felt as though I was imagining everything, which was a sentiment which stayed with me for nearly a year. Before making it back to my house, I felt as though a little white man, reminiscent of the little white man with sharp teeth in the album art of Future Sound of London’s “Dead Cities” CD, was right behind me, peering over my shoulder with a smile. I could feel his nails on me, and no matter which direction I turned, he was always behind me. This terrified me, and resulted in another phone call to my roommate. <br> <br> 1:00-2:00 AM: I made it home. I got into my car and became afraid I would try to drive it. I made sure not turn the engine on. I listened to some Smashing Pumpkins and closed my eyes. I was afraid I would hallucinate something hideous outside my car, but I did not. Instead, I saw every word Mr. Corgan sang in the very center of my mind, and expanding out millions upon millions of times, infinitely. The word “car” showed me the image of every car I had ever seen, coupled with every car I could imagine. Of course, I did not see them all, because to see the entirety of the infinite is impossible, but I saw as many as I could see while the words filled my mind. Every word, including words like “and” “that” “lesser” “hi”, had sensory richness associated with them. Eventually, I realized I should call my friend while she was preparing to go on lunch with my best friend (who didn’t have a cell) so that they could pick me up. <br> <br> 2:00-3:00 AM I was picked up by my friends. My best friend (male) drove me and my other friend (female) to his house. When we arrived, he told me not to make any crazy noises. I didn’t. In fact, I communicated very little with them. I mostly had conversations with them in my head, and I could never tell when we were really talking or not (my male friend later told me much of what I thought I talked about with him was never even mentioned). There was a very large knife in his kitchen. In my mind, I asked him “Do you mind if I pick up this Knife?” and he said “No, be my guest”. And I said “Given my current mental state, you do not feel any regret in saying that?” and he said “No, why should I?” and then I said out loud “Because you just sealed your own doom!” and laughed. He said this made him very uncomfortable, and he left the room for a moment. I held the knife. It felt nice to grip in my hand, and I didn’t want to let it go. I felt the power associated with wielding a weapon. I held the knife in front of my face and looked at my friends. It seemed we were in a bad horror movie, and I was the horror. I thought my role to play would be to use the knife on them, but then I realized how bad of an idea that was, and how much I loved them both, and how my mental state did not accommodate friedns and knives equally (try to keep weapons out of the trip). I set the knife down, and went into my best friend’s room, where I proceeded to crawl under the covers and discuss how much it felt as though I was in a cave made of mystical water. I was swimming in his blankets. <br> <br> After a while, he told me it was time to go. The light in his house demolished my eyes, so I wasn’t too unwilling. I just didn’t want them to leave me alone! I missed them both beyond understanding, and yet they were right there in front of me. I was predicting their departure, and my future loneliness. <br> <br> 3:00-5:30 AM (Trip ended by sleep around 5:30) I made it inside, and walked down the hall to my room. Everything was very large. I crawled into bed and listened to the Smashing Pumpkins some more. Billy was in my bed, naked and singing to me, which was soothing. I felt intimately bound with my mental perception of the man. And then I heard a noise from the intro of one of the songs which made me think of a huge wall of old fat women’s heads, gnawing at their fingers. These heads had black eyes, curlers in their hair, very red lipstick on, and fat faces. They were biting their fingernails, which were also very red, and grunting. They seemed to look through me. I could not tell whether the red was cosmetic or blood. Needless to say, I became paralyzed by fear. Then I changed the song, and my peace returned within 30 seconds. I remembered that I wanted to experience masturbation under the influence, and so I jacked off. It was very difficult to attain an erection, but the orgasm was supreme. I seemed to be stuck in the peak moment of my sexual arousal for about 2 minutes! “WOW”, I frantically texted to my female friend, “Orgasms are AMAZING on this, although it is very difficult to attain one!” (She used my remaining two hits the next day, and said she tried very hard, but could not reach climax, which was a vast disappointment to her, given my reaction to climax under the influence). Falling asleep was difficult. My mental image of myself kept conversing with my actual consciousness. I learned from this that I am a very annoying, inconsiderate person to myself when I am trying to sleep! I was yelling, and telling myself not to fall asleep, because I didn’t want to be bored awake without myself. And then I fell asleep, much to my imagined self's dismay :p. <br> <br> AFTER EFFECTS: The after effects of this experience, an experience which would otherwise be rated as mediocre and fairly meaningless, are what caused it to be rated as a bad trip. I felt paranoid for a full year about whether or not I was “changed forever.” I eventually realized, a year later, that all the paranoia was nothing more than fantasy, or a theory which, like most philosophic theories, cannot be proved or disproved, only entertained. I decided to stop entertaining the idea of me being somewhat insane, and the effects went away within a month! After all, even if I WAS insane, I was still very happy, and very much able to function in every day situations without difficulty. Oh, and this insecurity manifested primarily at night, or when I was fatigued, so it might just be that my expectation of a permanent change was attributed to something with no relation to LSD, such as mental fatigue, and therefore LSD didn’t change me at all. However, the fact that I was so insecure about my state of consciousness has made me wary of LSD. Using LSD CAN AND WILL make known whatever is in your recent memory and current subconscious, so it is a relatively bad idea to use it without a purpose during a time when life is not very good (as I did), or in a place which is not very suitable (as I did). Having a purpose can make the experience much more rewarding. I will probably use it again at some point, but for now, I’d much rather stick to the psilocybin. So before you experiment, remember how serious a substance LSD is. It gives the mind much power, but that is power which it can use to destroy itself with paranoia or doubt (as I believe it did in my case), or make itself more beautiful. Remember: it really is all in your head...<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 67788</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 26, 2011</td><td>Views: 11,864</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=67788&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=67788&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Various (28), Sex Discussion (14), Music Discussion (22), Nature / Outdoors (23), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">230 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> First off, I have had an “interesting” life of self-discovery and self-reflection and I still have a lifetime of years to wise up some more. I have been lucky enough to have grown up in the high rocky mountains of Colorado (there are a lot of cool places, but old CO is beautiful and with a spirit of free thinking). I have also been blessed by being introduced to so many wonderful things; good music, good food, good people, good places, and “good drugs”, not the bad ones; coke, heroin, meth, etc.…….Anyway I have dabbled with psychedelics for a few years now. I have also been using cannabis regularly for several years(who doesn’t). My first few experiences were with psilocybin mushrooms, they are intriguing earthy shape shifting fun as heck little spores of wonder. I will always have kinship with old psilocybin. The fact that a mushroom with those kinds of psyche changing capabilities can grow out of a pile of shit really changes the phrase “God works in mysterious ways”. <br> <br> But I am here to explain as best as I can in words (which doesn’t really explain that well as no language can) this amazing LSD journey that I experienced on June 29 2010. <br> Life comes at you fast and that’s what happened. <br> <br> It was June 28 2010. My Family and I were on our way to Denver to go see the art rock band TOOL. They were scheduled to play a two day show on the 28/29. This was to be an epic experience no matter what. I don’t want to get to much into it but just to let you know TOOL is one of the greatest things to come from humanity. <br> <br> Anyways, so we got to Denver checked into the hotel, did the family thing for a while. Around six pm. Drove to the Red Rocks Amphitheatre. Went and watched to concert. They opened with their song “Third Eye” which has Timothy Leary speaking. An amazing experience (only smoked some pot). Except for the fact that I was being a nice guy by being the designated driver, so I could not take anything that night. All of my buddies had taken a bunch of LSD and were having a great time so I was a little bitter at first but then I was ok with that because my favorite band was cool enough to do a double show, and play the next night. <br> <br> June 29,2010 I had wanted to obtain some LSD but was uncertain if it would happen. We were hanging out when my bro’s friend Brett said he could get some more LSD from someone who was headed over to where we were at. SCORE!!.......I bought 3 hits of LSD for $20. For the rest of the day until the show I was getting so antsy. Same deal at around 6pm we took a taxi (I wasn’t going to be the DD this time)and headed over to Red Rocks. As soon we got into the venue I went to the bathroom and opened up my sinister little flap of tin foil, pulled out my 3 little squares o’ paper and chomp. HERE WE GO (and what the hell do I mean by “We”, its only me. Or maybe “we” is me as in myself and my body as an external tool.??????) I went and sat down at my seat with my siblings and close friends, the opening band was playing. They were some sort of roots/hip-hop/rap group, not your typical band to open for TOOL. It was almost amusing like “is TOOL just fucking with their fans by having some random rappers play. I still am not sure. At this point the LSD was just now giving me some small effects, just felt I was stoned or something. <br> <br> The opening band finished up their set. The next 30 minutes were just quietly anxiously waiting for TOOL. When that first bass line dropped, the lights dimmed, and then I heard Timothy Leary’s voice “think for yourself, question authority” it hit me. It was like I knew what amazing art was about to be shown and my mind wouldn’t let me trip until it was just right. I mean as soon as I heard Leary’s voice go on my brain let go and I descended down the rabbit hole. I had an amazing overwhelming feeling that washed over me that I was the most privileged person in existence ever. At that exact time and place, to combine being in America the leader of the free world (Which it is, there is much art and amazing things to come out of the USA not just war), being at the best concert TOOL has ever put on, and taking LSD a substance that could have been discovered and used at any point in history, but it happened to be discovered recent enough ( it was legal just a few decades ago) that it is available for anybody who wishes to take the journey. <br> <br> By only the third song I was starting to really feel it. It was all good or so I thought. I lit up a joint to chill out, and passed it. When I hit that thing for the third time I got a head rush that punched me five layers deeper into this trip. I was listening to the song Stinkfist and observing the stunning visuals that go along with it when “the fear” hit me. I started fretting for what might happen. <br> <br> Did I take too much? Is something bad going to end up happening? Am I going to hurt someone? So I sat down to talk myself out of this perpetual cycle of fear, it was a daunting task being surrounded by 9,000 people, it’s hard enough to maintain an intense trip at home but being around that many people was another story. I was so afraid of some asking me if I was ok, I knew I had to have a poker face. I finally got grip and stood up to face to music (literally). I looked at my family and out over the city and at the visual grenade of a stage. I had a feeling of total acceptance and love on a universal level, I feel like at this point I was no longer my body trying to reject this experience but now I was just me and enjoying everything this experience had do offer. I was unafraid and laughing, what was there to fret about. I am a bag of chemicals surrounded by the empty space of the Universe. We are all a consciousness coming from nothing, given a body to use as a tool to experience a life subjectively to die and be reborn and try to remember who you are, not who your body is and its surroundings, but who are you as an energy form. <br> <br> After experiencing this revelation things were flowing downriver from here. The rest of the time was pure ecstasy. I was still in control of my body but totally disconnected from physical reality. At one point during the chaos and fun of the show a younger couple ascended up the bleacher style seats to go to the top of the venue where food and bathrooms were, as they were passing by me time completely stopped. It was to date the most amazing thing I have ever seen. To see time actually stop, all of the music turned into slow mumbling sounds. All of the show visuals and lights were totally still. All the people around me were in mid-moment, and that younger couple walking by me they stopped right in front of me and stood there, eyes half blinking, arms in stride but not moving an inch. Everything is a little bit blurry when time stops. It’s not like video on pause where you are viewing time stopped but your reality of time is still moving. TIME COMPLETELY STOPPED. My reality of time as I know it no longer existed. Then I started having intense auditory hallucinations. Sounds of a thousand voices sped up were occupying all of my sound space. Then time all of the sudden just started back up. I could now hear the music fine and that younger couple finally walked passed me and out. The show was rockin out again. Then the moon came up from the horizon looking mystical and with a rich red hue. It was all around amazing left and right. Then Looking out over the millions of acres of lights that makes up Denver, I felt once again like the most privileged human being to have been exposed to something so amazing. It was God. All these lights and people were energies of the divine, the bright white light of God. God being the divine power that makes up everything in the universe. I was closer to being God than any church could ever bring you. Not that I have anything against religion, I just think it’s better to be spiritual than religious. The show wrapped up and we headed down to catch a taxi (whole other story). When the night finally settled down, I sat in a chair in the hotel room with my eyes closed swimming through my head. I was making music in my head that sounded like music from another planet 100 years in the future. I laid there in that familiar environment of being sweaty and worn out from such an information overload, so blasted with ideas, information, and theories that you can’t get to sleep. But at some point I guess I must have passed out. Next thing I remember is waking up all sober. I don’t remember any dreams, so where was my consciousness while my body was asleep recuperating. <br> <br> Life is absolutely fucking crazy. <br> <br> Who knew that education, realization, and wisdom came so cheap, only $20. But those concert tickets weren’t cheap. <br> <br> I hope to continue my battle to transcend my ego and find happiness in all the odds and ends of life. When I die and am reborn as who knows what or when I will try to remember this experience. <br> <br> Like I said this is the best that words can do at explaining what I felt. To further explain it try it yourself, don’t be afraid. Do it out of love not fear.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 88724</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 30, 2011</td><td>Views: 15,861</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=88724&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=88724&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Cannabis (1), LSD (2) : Festival / Lg. Crowd (24), Mystical Experiences (9), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> It’s been a week and three days since I dropped LSD for the first time. I’ve previously smoked salvia a few times (by far my most abstract and terrifying psychedelic experiences), tried psilocybin mushrooms once, dropped ecstasy a few times, drank one opium tea and smoked weed on and off pretty heavily over the last two years (a habit, since experimenting with more intense hallucinogens, I’m beginning to lose interest in). The notoriety of “acid flashbacks” always intimidated me, I’d always been given the impression that they’re extremely intense and could strike at any time, the safety (and sanity) of my future self, and those around me, never seemed worth the high. When I heard down the grapevine that a chemistry student from my college was getting hold of a couple of tabs I decided to investigate acid flashbacks and see how dangerous they can actually be, the fruits of my research comforted me and I decided to drop a tab the following weekend. <br> <br> Although a little unfit I’m generally in good health, I take no medication and there are no mental health problems in my family (as far as I am aware at least). Before trying new drugs, especially hallucinogens, I usually experience a lot of anxiety but I felt really positive about trying LSD from the moment I realised the chances of it ruining my life were slim to nought. Previous difficult experiences with drugs have taught me the value of caution and I decided to drop half a tab first and see how I felt after that. Dropped the first half at about half past 12 and pressed it firmly to the mucus membrane beneath my tongue, held it there for two or three minutes then chewed and swallowed it. <br> <br> My sitter and I took a bus into my city centre and milled around while I waited to come up, I started to feel off baseline after about an hour but my impatience was getting the better of me and after an hour and a half I dropped the second tab. A trip to the local art gallery was pretty strange, we only spent about fifteen minutes in there but by the end some of the more modern abstract art was beginning to take a decidedly trippy feel. One of the unexpected effects the acid gave me was that it made my ears “pop” really frequently, similarly to when they do as a passenger on a plane taking off or landing. I’d earlier arranged to meet some friends at a jazz gig in a student bar, so me and my sitter headed to the station to wait for our bus. <br> <br> On our way I accidentally shattered the airtight Perspex tube the tab had been sold to me in, rather than immediately discarding it I spent a while rubbing my thumbs over the serrated edges and spreading blood over my hands. It took me a while to realise what I’d been doing and when my sitter noticed he persuaded me to throw the shards away before I seriously hurt myself. It was around this time (about two hours after dropping the first half) I became fully aware of the LSD’s affects, my concept of shape became pretty flexible and I was noticing a lot of unusual patterns (for example the speckles on the bus station’s floor tiles were forming patterns a lot like fossil shells). One of the things I found most difficult about the experience was the time dilation, seconds were genuinely stretching into minutes, although this in itself isn’t much of a problem the confusion it fostered brought me close to anxiety a few times. <br> <br> After what seemed like an eternity sat waiting for our bus to depart we were on the road. The bus ride itself didn’t seem especially weird, in hindsight I remember noticing quite a lot of trippy patterns and visual distortions but at the time they really didn’t seem to matter at all. I think the time dilation must only come on really strongly when you stay in one environment for a while, because I spent the bus journey staring out of the window at the different streets and we were at the bar in no time. I’d been there two or three times previously so it was an environment I was fairly familiar with. When we entered we unexpectedly bumped into two kids I know from college (C and J, for convenience) so we pulled up chairs and sat with them whilst the band played. <br> <br> I can’t remember much of what the band’s set was like, the few times I concentrated on them I found their music really positive and uplifting. Disappointingly I experienced no visual synaesthesia although changes in tempo and intensity had a definite affect on my perception of temperature. Over the next few hours (about three to five hours after dropping the first half) the time dilation reached its peak and I began to feel very comfortable, at this point I was already glad of the experience but was beginning to feel like I wanted to come down. The dragging time was making me impatiently text my friends to find out how long they’d be, texting took a look of concentration but the messages were far more legible than ones sent drunkenly. <br> <br> As the acid was peaking I felt really fidgety and started shredding placemats into ridiculously small pieces whilst rocking my legs quickly under the table. I had the feeling of “energy” running underneath by skin, all over my body. It’s hard to describe properly, the closest I can get is to imagine the bubbles in boiling water over your entire body. My friend H arrived during the peak and stayed for about half an hour, she was wearing a leopard-print coat which I amused myself with for a while, watching the spots rearrange themselves into feline faces. Although my general perceptiveness was reduced I felt a lot more perceptive about people’s emotional states but the time dilation was making conversation a disorientating experience, I had to keep asking if I was speaking too much/not enough. Eventually, a couple of hours late, my friends V and B arrived and we were able to head back into the city centre for the day’s main attraction: the city’s Christmas lights display. <br> <br> Our departure was delayed for a while because I was beginning to feel really rooted to the bar and afraid of what we might encounter if we left. I can’t remember if I reasoned myself out of this or was talked out of it, but eventually we set off on foot. Although the dark made me a little apprehensive at first but once we were outside the cool air and lights on the wet concrete overwhelmed me with euphoria. Walking felt absolutely effortless, as if I was being carried around by a conveyor belt and colours, rather than being cartoonishly exaggerated as portrayed in the media, instead just seemed much more intense. It felt as if I was seeing colour with clarity for the first time, shapes and patterns (existing ones, not just my hallucinations) also seemed to have real significance. My most powerful ecstasy experience doesn’t even come close to the absolute peace and euphoria I had wandering those wet streets but although not as intense ecstasy is at least stable. LSD’s volatility ensured the bliss way to be short lived. <br> <br> On the way into town we stopped by at a Tesco’s, I can’t remember exactly why, presumably for food. The shop was crawling with police (looking back I may have just hallucinated some of them, I’m sure there were definitely three but at the time everyone inside looked in uniform). Every authority figure’s eyes bored into me, every corner I turned revealed yet more cops. I daren’t risk leaving the shop in case they corned me alone so I followed my sitter around the shop. He was talking quite a lot and concentrating on his voice as we wandered about the shop’s confusing layout helped me focus my attention. We were finished and back on the street within minutes but the experience was nevertheless taxing, my euphoria was totally vanished and the streets assumed a new hostility. After talking to my friends for a while and watching the reflections of the streetlights in puddles I began to feel more comfortable again, looking ahead I realised we were close to the city centre. <br> <br> We entered the city centre through the back of the newest shopping centre, a towering, well-lit glass structure. The combination of the lights and glass looked staggering and heralded the return of the euphoria, somehow even more intense than that experienced earlier. My friends assured me that the city’s Christmas lights were overwhelmingly disappointing but at the time I was convinced I’d never seen anything more sublime. The auras around each bulb dissected into elaborate and radiant rainbow light spectrums. My friends complained of hunger and busied themselves with staring through shop windows whilst I staggered, open-mouthed down each street gazing above me. I was struck by how easily my friends allowed cynicism or physical/material distractions to divert their attention from such a profound pleasure. When I tried to explain this to them they seemed totally unconvinced and after a while of nonsensical rambling I eventually gave up trying to expand their consciousness. Although I would have happily wandered the streets for hours more, my friends decided they wanted to leave so we returned to the bus station. As walk walked I realised my cheeks were stained with tears. <br> <br> The bus station was busy when we arrived, full of loud young people. My patience with gobshites is short at the best of times, in that frame of mind their raucous was eliciting a combination of dread and frustration. Time dilation, my frustratingly constant companion through the day, returned at this point and the wait for our bus dragged badly. At the point it was about six or seven hours since I’d dropped the first half and the effects were noticeably tapering off, although for a while passers-bys faces looked a lot like the android Kryton from Red Dwarf. Eventually V and B’s bus arrived and me and my sitter went and caught a bus to his house. <br> <br> Although the patterned seats were being a bit mischievous the bus ride wasn’t too bizarre, once again because I think I had a lot to concentrate on. Peering out of the front window of the bus just before we got off was fun, I felt like a passenger on a space ship. By the time we got back to the sitter’s house the visual effects were all but gone, I just had to wait out the comedown and try and get some sleep. We sat and read old issues of Vice Magazine until about 1 in the morning when I eventually decided to go home. I felt incapable of sleep so I sat on my computer for a while and then tried reading. I picked up Dead Souls by Gogol at first but that proved too difficult to concentrate on so I changed to Nineteen Eighty Four and leafed through that till I fell asleep at around 6 in the morning. I woke up two hours later not feeling too bad, although I resented having to get up for college.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 88499</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 3, 2011</td><td>Views: 22,867</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=88499&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=88499&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), First Times (2), Nature / Outdoors (23), Various (28)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Before I get into this, I just want to note that the following is my perception of the night's events. Therefore the order of events, and how much time elapsed during and between said events, will probably become more and more inaccurate as the story progresses. <br> <br> It all started on a Monday night. I was playing video games with my dealer and my roommate over at my dealer's dorm room. He had just gotten in 100 hits of acid, and throughout the night people were shuffling in and out of the room buying their entertainment for the weekend. <br> <br> Originally, I hadn't planned on taking any drugs at all that night, aside from my habitual 'bed-time bowl'. I had been up for over 48 hours on Aderall trying to finish my final for my drawing course, and wasn't in any physical state for psychoactive drugs. I had, however, made previous arrangements to get six hits of the stuff by ordering a copy of Call of Duty: Black Ops for my dealer the week before. <br> <br> After contemplating it for a few hours I figured: 'What the hell. I'm done with exams, why not?' So I asked my dealer to give me the six hits. He dimmed the lights, and tore off three rectangles from a very colorful, perforated sheet of blotter paper, and wrapped them up in some computer paper for me. I hadn't watched him do it because it was my turn to play Modern Warfare. After the match, I walked down the hall to my own room, shut off the lights (My dealer had told me earlier that acid can't be exposed to direct light), and unwrapped the piece of paper on my desk. I then ingested two rectangles. <br> <br> To my horror, I realized that there was only one rectangle left in the computer paper. I frantically searched the room for the remaining four rectangles, but to no avail. I even backtracked down the hallway, and searched my dealers room. At first he thought maybe I had already begun tripping, but eventually he asked me what the hell I was doing. Nervously, I asked him, 'Were those hits rectangles, or squares?' He laughed and told me they were squares. I had just unintentionally taken four hits of acid. <br> <br> By now I was a little freaked out. I didn't know what to expect. I'd taken mushrooms before, but never any more than a half-eighth, but as Hunter S. Thomson once said (and I'm paraphrasing a bit), 'People don't find acid. acid finds you when 'it' thinks you're ready.' I was in for a wild ride, to say the least. <br> <br> I'd say the on-set took about 30-40 minutes. I played video games during that time, and toward the end I decided that I felt like smoking a cigarette. After I was done, I came back in, and went to my own room to sit for awhile, and maybe play a little guitar. I guess it really sunk in when I tried to play guitar. I hadn't gotten any further than a couple chords when I looked at a drawing I had done that day of a mandolin. The mandolin started to become more and more vibrant and detailed, and eventually the lines started to move rapidly, hopping all over the page, but somehow still holding the shape of a mandolin. That's when the realization that I was tripping came. I'm sure anyone who's taken a psychoactive drug knows the feeling, when you look around you and you say to yourself, 'Wow, I'm tripping.' <br> <br> I spent the next 20 or 30 minutes looking around the room, curious as a chimp. I wanted to know what everything looked like, not because I didn't know what things looked like, but because things looked so different on acid. Much different than things ever looked on mushrooms. Everything seemed to be moving at a rapid pace. It was pretty crazy, or so I had thought. <br> <br> So after a while, my roommate and dealer came by to check on me. I had said I'd be back after my cigarette, so they were just making sure I hadn't done anything stupid. I wanted to somehow explain to them how everything looked, and felt, but there really were no words to express it. The best I could come up with was 'This is crazy.' <br> <br> After that, we went back to my dealer's dorm to pack a bowl. The Bengals were playing that night, which is kind of a big deal for my roommate and my dealer. We went to the bottom of our building and started to smoke. I knew smoking would kick the shit out of me, but I didn't care. I knew it'd make things better, and it did. <br> <br> It was almost instantaneous, as soon as I exhaled the smoke, the whole world changed. Before, everything was morphing and changing, yes, but I still acknowledged the existence of the world. After, the whole world was a different place. It was as if my entire existence was confined to my dorm building. There was no world beyond it, but strangely, I was OK with that. I felt secure in knowing that my entire world was right there. No more. No less. <br> <br> After we finished the bowl, the whole world began to suddenly pulsate, as if we were in one of the underwater levels in the original Super Mario Bros. The whole world felt like it was moving to some sort of rhythm. Everything didn't necessarily move in the same ways, but they all seemed to be a part of each other. I think the best way to describe it is to imagine that each different object (the lights, the catwalk, the trees, the grass) was a different instrument, and that they were all playing one silent song. I say silent, because at this stage of the trip, I couldn't hear the music yet, but more on that later. <br> <br> Eventually the pulsating was starting to get to me, and I decided that maybe it was time for a cigarette. When I took one out of the pack, though, I realized I only had two left. Now I knew damn well I was going to need more than two cigarettes that night, so I asked my roommate if he would take me downtown to get more cigarettes. He said yeah, and we begun the mile or so uphill trek into town. <br> <br> Now this is the part of the trip that got a little scary for me at times. Let me explain the route we had to travel so you can better understand this. When you come out of my dorm, you walk through a parking garage to get to the front of that part of campus. Then you travel up a very steep hill for about a quarter mile, then you plateau, and have to travel up another hill into a large park with lots of trees and limited visibility of oncoming passerby. After that, you just cross the road into town. <br> <br> So we started off having to go around to the front of my building, and when you get to the front, there are a few picnic tables and some trees. Now, this was probably the first time I'd seen a tree up close since I started the trip. They looked absolutely insane. The bark of the trees looked like the cracked sand you see in deserts sometimes, but it still held the solid properties of the bark. Since it was fall, the leaves were a bright red color, and occasionally one or two would fall down. My brain interpreted the leaves as great masses of wax, and when a leaf would fall, it looked like the tree was dripping wax. There were also faint bits of light peaking through the leaves that looked like lit candles. <br> <br> When we got into the parking garage, the whole place started getting hazy, and it looked as if bugs were flying at the lights. They weren't moths, but they were behaving in the same manner. When we got out of the parking garage, though, is when things started getting weird. We crossed the lawn toward the street, and I began noticing that all the people we passed looked a bit off. It was as if each person was odd in their own way. For example, when we passed one group of people, the girl on the left began morphing into one of those zombie people you see on Ed Hardy tattoos. Other people would turn into strange over-exaggerated versions of themselves, while other people would undergo transformations into completely different creatures, some menacing, some not. I wasn't scared at all, but the world was becoming more and more foreign. I think it could be equated to moving to an entirely different planet without any prior knowledge of the culture and mannerisms of the intelligent species that lived on that planet. You just weren't 100% sure how to act. <br> <br> When we began to cross the road to the first hill, my perceptions of time and space were starting to diminish. I saw there was a car coming, and I wanted to hurry across the road, but it seemed like every step I took brought me further and further away from the other side of the road. The car kept inching closer, and I started to walk really fast. When my roommate asked me why I was walking so fast, I realized that I had cleared three or four times the distance of the road. It was as if my mind had trapped me in the middle of that road, even though my body had already crossed it. But that was only the beginning. <br> <br> When we began to climb the hill, it became increasingly difficult to percept time correctly. I remember walking up the hill, and there were distinct periods where time would be moving in slow motion, quite literally like one of those stupid YouTube videos where they repeat the funny part of the video five or six times with increasingly slower playbacks. And then there were times when it was like someone hit the fast forward button on me. According to my roommate, I would fluctuate between looking like I was tip-toeing up the hill, or speed-walking up the hill. I also want to note that by now, people were taking on increasingly strange forms, and that their eyes seemed to glow, almost like a laser was being emitted from their eyes. When they walked, it looked as if the glow was following where their eyes had been, similar to the way headlights appear on a long exposure photograph of a busy street. <br> <br> The first hill was a challenge, to say the least, but it hadn't prepared me for the second. Up until this point, I hadn't felt any true feelings of fear. Yes, everything around me was crazy, and at times a little hard to swallow, but up until that second hill, I was able to accept what was happening, and just go along for the ride. <br> <br> (To put things into perspective, I noticed that the intensity of the trip and the grip it had on my mind seemed to increase over time at an exponential rate. At any given time, I could assess how insane things were, but I could never accurately imagine how crazy things were going to be five minutes from then. The insanity level always exceeded my expectations by a very large margin.) <br> <br> Ok, so second hill. I'm beating around the bush a little because as I'm writing this, I'm reliving some of the emotions, albeit on a much smaller scale, of the trip. The second hill was a little unnerving. The actual hill sits behind a library, and is more of a shortcut into town rather than an actual road. That being the case, the hill becomes very dark at night, and can even be a little scary when you're not taking acid. Anyway, so we're making our way up the hill, and my perception of time is going absolutely nuts. The transitions between slow motion and fast forward are becoming more violent, to the point where I can't figure out how fast I'm actually supposed to be walking. I probably looked like a mental patient at times, but that wasn't the least of my concerns. <br> <br> As I explained earlier, the top of the hill turns into a park with lots of trees and limited visibility, so during this part of the journey, I had to pay close attention to how I was acting because the amount of people around me was rapidly changing. It seemed like every few steps I took, another person was rounding a corner from a different side. I felt like I had to act normal, but it became increasingly more difficult when I had to remain relaxed and unfazed when another scarecrow, skeleton, or dark figure with glowing red eyes past me. All the while I had to fight my perception of time, and remember which path to take to get to town. And let's not forget about the melting trees, and did I mention that at this point the path was shifting back and forth like one of those old rope bridges that you see in movies all the time? That's when things got a little overwhelming and I begun to feel what could only be described as sheer terror. I don't think I'd ever felt that scared at any point in my life up until then. There really wasn't any reason for it, but I guess the combination of menacing transformations, a sense of urgency to get to where we were going, and the fact that it was dark freaked me out. <br> <br> The sensation didn't last long, though. In fact, had I been able to perceive time correctly, it probably would have lasted somewhere in the neighborhood of two or three seconds, but at the time it seemed to last for an eternity. It was as if someone just hit the stop button on the crazy movie that my life had become. During that wave of emotion, I had managed to take the wrong path toward town, and my roommate began laughing at me. The reintroduction of laughter into my world rejuvenated me, and allowed me to get back to just accepting what was going on around me. Don't get me wrong, the world wasn't any less insane, but I was back in the right mindset to enjoy my time in this strange and new world. <br> <br> When we made it across the road though, we ran into another small hitch. In the state my mind was in, there was no way in hell I could have handled the simple task of handing the clerk my credit card and ID and asking for a pack of lights, so I told my roommate he had to do it. He was really stoned, and was having a hard time understanding how he could just go in and use my credit card and sign for me, but eventually we got it sorted out. <br> <br> I waited outside while he was buying my smokes. He was probably only gone for a few minutes, but it felt like a really long time. Not only that, but I felt like everyone that was passing by me knew I was tripping. Of course, I knew at the time that that was a completely irrational fear, and that most, if not all the people that had seen me hadn't the faintest clue that I was tripping. Still though, I was a little worried, and I kept misinterpreting people's words, thinking they were talking about me. It was at this point that I decided to let it all go, and not worry about whether people knew if I was tripping. It was my trip to enjoy, right? <br> <br> When my roommate finally came out of the store, we both lit up a cigarette. I thanked for taking me into town, and we began to make the long trek back to our dorm. The way back wasn't nearly as eventful. I seemed to have control of myself physically, and I didn't experience any overwhelming emotions almost the whole way back. <br> <br> When we got to the dorm building though, everything went wrong again. We weren't even forty feet from building, and I began to get a flash of terror again. This one was easily hundreds of times worse than the first, but only lasted for a second. It was as if confusion was triggering these extreme bursts of terror. I guess I didn't want to be confused in a world that already made no sense whatsoever, and my mind reacted in the most extreme way it could. <br> <br> I also want to just mention how strange smoking cigarettes was at this point in the trip. When I would first light a cigarette, it was just like any cigarette, but as I kept smoking it, it would eventually become a part of my hand. It was almost like I was smoking my own finger. Now don't get the wrong idea, it wasn't painful, scary, or disturbing, the cigarette was simply a part of me while I was smoking it. <br> <br> Anyway, so we get back to the dorm room (after a close encounter with an RA), and decide to go back over to our dealer's dorm to watch the Bengals game. The last time I had seen a clock was before we had gone to go get cigarettes, so I was a little surprised to find out that we had only been gone for about 35, 40 minutes. <br> <br> This is where things get a little hard to explain. I don't even think there are words in any modern language that can truly explain the things that happened next, but I'll try my best. <br> <br> Now, earlier in the trip, people I was familiar with hadn't really changed much. It was the unknowns that took on radical transformations. But now, the people I knew were starting to morph. I'll start with my roommate. My roommate began to emit what looked like the bright light that appeared over the heads of the angels in Touched by an Angel. The light wasn't on the top of his head though. It seemed to be coming from behind his neck, and radiated upward. Also, his head became very rounded, his eyes became beady, and his smile was extremely childlike. He reminded me of one of Santa's elves. My dealer on the other hand, started to become really blocky, as if his entire body where made of different sized bricks. Occasionally some of those bricks would break off, much like the wax in a lava lamp does, and would sort of float in front of his face and disappear. My friends weren't what was crazy though. The walls were. Reality itself was. <br> <br> I think this is the point when I started to let go of reality. The three of us were perched on my dealer's bed watching the game, except I wasn't watching. I was looking at the walls. Now I'm going to do my best to explain this, but bare with me on this one. The walls were coming apart at the seems, but beyond them wasn't the outside. Beyond them was what appeared to be another dimension of sorts. I don't remember much of what I saw on the other side, but I do remember that there were some scary looking creatures, and the world on that other side was a crimson color. It's nearly impossible to put to words what that other dimension was. It was almost calling out for me. It wanted me to explore it, but every time I got close to it, I willed myself to come back to the dorm room. I know that if I had gone there, I would have run the risk of literally going insane. <br> <br> Remember that music I mentioned back in the beginning of the story? Well, when the seems of reality began tearing, I started to hear the music. It wasn't aurally pleasing at all, really. It was more like a strange drone that changed pitch and kept a rhythm. There's a song by Arcade Fire called Sprawl II where they let the chord at the end of a verse just drop off, note by note, and then come back in. It's probably the best way to describe how the music sounded. It was almost eerie, but I was OK with it, because I felt like it was just the sound of the Earth. <br> <br> Anyway, back to the story, so I'm sitting in my dealer's dorm, and we're watching the game. I won't explain the visuals, aside from the walls splitting, because it was all pretty average for a trip. This is when I started to feel the pressure. Maybe it's just me, but when I trip on any drug, I tend to feel as if some invisible hand is grabbing the back of my head and applying pressure. During the majority of the trip it didn't really bother me, but I guess it kind of got to me when I was sitting in that dorm. I started to get really uncomfortable, and antsy, so I decided to go out for a cigarette. <br> <br> I don't know how long I was out there. All I know is that when I got out there, reality abandoned me completely. My brain was now being fully controlled by the acid. The invisible hand had grasped me. I was now, for at least a little while, insane. <br> <br> My whole life made no sense anymore. I couldn't figure out why or if I existed, and I couldn't put together the simple chain of events that had put me into the situation I was in. I had no idea how I had gotten to the bottom of the building, or how I ended up tripping, or even why I was smoking a cigarette. As time past, I lost my grasp on things more and more rapidly. After a while, I couldn't even comprehend my being a human being. I was just there, existing in a strange time and space. <br> <br> That's about as far as I can probably go, as my thoughts became so paradoxical from then on that I can't really give any sort of chronology of events. I remember getting trapped in my brain, thinking in circles, trying not to feel empty, for a long period of time. I think at one point I seriously contemplated calling one of parents to let them know how hard I was tripping. I remember ideas and feelings became tangible entities. I remember forgetting what it was like to be high or drunk, and really trying to contemplate what it felt like. Eventually I even forgot what being normal felt like. <br> <br> But I also remember catching myself a few times and reminding myself that it would all be over in the morning, because during those times, I had legitimately thought that I wasn't coming back from the trip. These thoughts probably lasted for hours. I remember picking up a GameBoy at some point and my life began to revolve around the Tetris game I was playing. When I did well, I was happy. When I made mistakes, I felt devastated. <br> <br> The next thing I can remember with clarity was coming down. I don't know whether it's normal, but I remember lying in my bed feeling slightly sick to my stomach. As time progressed, the feeling of sickness would move up my esophagus and into my mouth. The process took about an hour, but it was, in effect, a ticking time bomb. When the sickness reached my mouth, it didn't leave. It just brought a nice puke along with it. The puke almost felt good though. It made me feel alive again; real almost. <br> <br> After I puked, I smoked a few bowls, and spent the rest of the night looking around my room, waiting for the trip to be over. <br> <br> The next day I had a bit of a headache, and felt mentally exhausted. A nice warm shower helped. <br> <br> Overall the trip was a fantastic experience. Even with the fear I felt at some points, and state of absolute insanity I fell into at one point, I feel like I learned a lot from the trip about myself. And even though it wasn't mentioned much in the account, I think the predominant emotions throughout the trip were positive ones. You just tend to remember the scary parts. They impact you the most. <br> <br> Ever since I first tripped, I wanted to know what a crazy trip was like. I know that tons of people have had way crazier trips than mine, but I truly believe that fate made me take four hits so that I could experience a serious trip. Now I don't have to look for that trip anymore. I can be done with psychoactive drugs and just stick to good old ganja.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 89195</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 20, 2011</td><td>Views: 17,853</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=89195&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=89195&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cannabis (1) : General (1), Nature / Outdoors (23), Various (28)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 30:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/diazepam/">Pharms - Diazepam</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">64 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Fresh from my second experience with LSD and still beaming with the afterglow, I find myself back in the ‘real world’ of work and taxes and congested transit lines once more. The Australian bush, serene and simple, is an ideal place to trip on this beautiful substance, and I wish I could have stayed forever. But there will be another time, already eagerly awaited, to share this experience again with wonderful friends who understand exactly the joy and wonder of opening your mind to the beauty of natural creation. <br> <br> What can I call this trip but my final inauguration into the world of psychedelics? I’ve had a rocky start on this journey, bad trips and major let-downs that have filled my mind with doubt and anxiety. Now I feel LSD has taught me the fundamental rules of psychonautics, the same lessons more experienced psychonauts have tried to instil in me, only this time, the sheer power of those hours under the night sky broke through my stubborn expectations and showed me. As they say: life-changing. <br> <br> First, a little background. I started out with dextromethorphan, but discontinued after a third plateau trip that left me feeling like a broken soul who didn’t really exist. I then moved on to mushrooms, starting with a two gram trip of a potent species, and it all went well enough until I encountered something so horrific, it shattered my resolve to use hallucinogens as tools for self-discovery, and had me traumatised for a week. In the wake of the four worst hours of my life, I spent the next two months piecing together just what had gone so, so wrong. Did I have some neurological disorder that prevents me from having an experience that isn’t an acute psychotic episode? If I continued dabbling with these substances, would I lose my mind for good? If not for my desperate need for answers, I would have walked away at that point, and I often felt a wiser person would have done just that. <br> <br> Bear with me as I describe this nightmare of a bad trip. Imagine yourself walking about, ruminating on ever more confused and less sane philosophy about being God, when suddenly, all your senses warp into a confused mess. Everything you see, hear and feel no longer makes the slightest sense, as your room transforms into a mesh of colours and you lose the ability to distinguish sound and touch from emotion and thought. It is to find yourself catapulted out of this human existence into some other place where nothing is solid, there is no time, sanity dissolves, and amid the absolute disorientation there is only one clear thought: Oh. Fuck. <br> <br> I have just fucked up my life. <br> <br> It’s impossible to say how long this lasted, perhaps a minute, perhaps an hour. The only awareness I had of the outside world was that it must still be there, and that my friends and family must be so horrified that I destroyed my mind on drugs. As it began to clear, and the connections between percept and concept re-established, I looked around the room with only slightly less confusion. What was this place, who was I, what was I? I had no idea. I spent the rest of the trip gradually working through the confusion to find myself again. I awoke next morning to severe depression and a conviction that I would never, ever touch drugs again. <br> <br> The night had been so confusing that it was only when I took acid two months later that I remembered this disconnect between my perceptions and my ability to interpret, the dissolution of boundary between thought and senses. All I had was vague memories of a hellish experience that felt like serious brain damage. But acid has a unique way of enhancing my imagination, and now that I understand just what happened, I’ve come to know it as ‘the Blur’. <br> <br> I tried san pedro, only to find the specimen was inactive. I tried weed for the first time at four hits, and it triggered a minor flashback of the Blur, which I no better understood, but it left me feeling that continuing hallucinogen use would be a sure one-way ticket to that psychotic state. But at the urging of experienced psychonauts, I gave it one more shot and dropped half a tab of acid. The result was a beautiful night of euphoria and clear-headedness I’ve never known before, a brilliant mental stimulant for an introspective mind. I still harboured anxiety that a full tab might tip me over the edge, but resolved to try it anyway. <br> <br> Now, set and setting. I drove several hours out of the city with two friends, M and G, to a campsite where we’d spend the next three days. It was M, a tripper seasoned with four decades of substance use, much of it at this very site, who supplied the acid. G, who sampled ecstasy and was currently enjoying pot every day, only had one psychedelic experience to his name, and it was on LSD some six years earlier. He’d taken two tabs and ended up in a mental ward for the next few months. G is the most genuinely happy and accepting person I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, and as an enthusiast of consciousness study, he felt ready to give it another try with good company and a beautiful environment. So it was that we set up camp, spent Friday acquainting ourselves with the sunlit groves and acacia fields, the crystalline river and the tens of thousands of datura plants lining its bank. By Saturday, I felt relaxed and peaceful, and ready to plunge into my first full-blown, not-horrible, psychedelic experience. <br> <br> We dropped the tabs at 3p.m. on Saturday. M felt it would be best to start late afternoon, as the night ambience and starlight is beautiful on acid. We both took one tab, while G took a half. There’s no way to be sure, but I estimate their strength at 80µg, and though I’m interested in heavy experiences down the road, I don’t see myself ever taking this particular substance at more than 120µg, nor using it more than once a year. Beautiful though it was, I also think I may be one of those rare people who appreciates low-dose acid, perhaps in conjunction with another substance, for its unobtrusive consciousness expansion and creative mindset. On this night, though, the one tab was perfect. <br> <br> As we started feeling the effects, we left the campsite and took a walk off-road into the sunburnt gullies and the hills abundant with kangaroos. Some describe the acid come-up as hard and ‘pushy’, but I think it’s wonderful. I soon had a big smile on my face and not a care in the world. The LSD was tweaking my consciousness and we were laughing at the stupidest things, yet my thoughts became crisp, unburdened. And then less than an hour in, something happened that almost derailed the experience. <br> <br> I was looking at the dirt as I walked... and I had an experiential flash of another state of mind that made me think... “What if, as I’m walking along, everything I see, hear, taste and smell, and all of my thoughts and feelings, blur into a total incoherent mesh? ... Oh, shit. That’s exactly what happened on shrooms, isn’t it.” <br> <br> In an instant, my euphoria was gone. I was starting to get very worried. LSD truly gives me amazing imaginative power, and I couldn’t help but imagine exactly what it would be like if the Blur struck right then. It would propel me into a state of total schizophrenia. I would be walking alongside my friends and reality would just disintegrate, and that would be the end. I might never recover. I might be trapped in that other world, that horrible Blur, forever. And that’s the price I pay for taking too much LSD – those people who encouraged me to go for it were wrong, this really is going to destroy my mind. <br> <br> I was shaken. Simply by imagining it, I seemed to be invoking the fucking thing, just by the sheer vivid power of my imagination. <br> <br> My friends knew my history. I could never in good conscience trip with people and not tell them I’d had less than stellar experiences with psychedelics. But I kept my mouth shut and resolved to get through this alone. If I told them something was wrong, their carefree air might turn to concern, and that would only make things worse. Besides, if the Blur was going to happen, it would happen, there was no stopping it. I knew I was wavering on the edge of another bad trip just by inviting that doubt into my mind, so I gritted my teeth, anchored myself in reality, and resolved to endure my own anxiety. Acid is such a powerful substance; it only takes one wrong thought pattern to make it all go to hell. I knew this, and I’d learnt enough from my previous bad trips to not fall for the tricks my mind was playing on me. So there I was, in limbo between good trip and bad, wrestling to keep it together. Had I taken more, I probably wouldn’t have been able. <br> <br> The sun was almost setting as we made our way back to camp. My main concern by now was whether I actually had any control over whether the trip went well or not. After all, I pondered, how does this work, exactly? People take acid with good set and setting, and sometimes it goes wrong anyway – is that a random chemical fluctuation, or do they just give in to scary thoughts like the ones I’m having? Am I in control here? I parted from M and G, who I later found out were wrestling their own demons, and laid down in the grass to focus my attention on the river and calm down. <br> <br> This was where I got my first visuals. The cliff face across the water began to morph. The longer I stared at it, the more it twisted. It was a subtle, slow process, and as soon as I looked away, it became solid again. I looked up at the trees above the cliff face, and the entire hillside they rested on started bending, so it looked like the landscape was bowing to me. Quite different from mushroom visuals, which are more electrical and remind me of Alex Grey’s artwork. What they share in common is that the transformation goes deeper the more you stare at the object. <br> <br> I remained nervous and my anxiety seemed to permeate the air, like a presence in the valley. For the next while, I felt that whatever I was doing, I really ought to be doing something else to get a grip, before this anxiety became the dark and terrifying presence of a bad LSD trip. I thought chatting with my friends might work, but found it stressful to keep a happy composure around them. I found being too far away from them didn’t help either, because I’d be on my own and might get lost if things went bad. You’d think the middle ground of being in their vicinity would work, but it didn’t. So what saved me? Laughter. <br> <br> I was sitting in the caravan, trying to write down trip notes. G was saying how impressed he was that I could write anything at all, because he, on half a tab, couldn’t manage more than one word. (Incidentally, everything I wrote was quite coherent and legible, but I soon gave up because there was too much happening and writing by hand is sooo slooow on acid.) Anyway, I was having trouble concentrating on what he was saying, so at one point I nodded and said, “Mm... that’s right... Excuse me. I need to go outside and watch some rocks morph.” <br> <br> We spent the next five minutes laughing hysterically. The rest of the trip was awesome. <br> <br> It was far from the last funny thing that happened – indeed, our conversations became a strange mix of philosophy, rating burps out of ten, and the most profound fart humour possible... more philosophy, and puns so bad we had to laugh, or occasionally so great we... had to laugh. I was doing most of the philosophy, and I felt an overwhelming need to share it. LSD is very expressive, for me. On the half tab the week before, I’d written seventeen pages of things I felt needed to be said, in three hours. Here, I was saying things like, “Solipsism can be practical. Embrace self-centredness, but don’t let it absorb you.” G thought this was brilliant, and insisted I return to the caravan and write down every such thing I said. “Every experience I have, with all the existential subtleties, the nuances of feeling – all of it is so unique and how else could I, God, experience it, than to not know I am immortal?” M was there to bring us back to reality, and we spent as much time taking the piss out of ourselves as we did legitimately pontificating, until the two merged into one and I announced: “The real Zen master knows that Zen is bullshit.” <br> <br> Yes, acid is a very thinking drug, and I return to what I said before about low doses. Thirty or forty milligrams would be ideal if you need a lateral solution to a problem. <br> <br> Periodically, I left the fire we’d built to stand alone under the stars. Here, I became melancholy. I thought about my problems, the chronic dissociation in my life that makes it impossible to even want to be part of human civilization. I felt bitter that LSD wasn’t helping me find a way to heal that, as I’d hoped it might. I thought about death and non-existence, what an incredible waste it is, and how stupid it is that we’re supposed to find any consolation in one day not experiencing reality. “Fuck you,” I said to the beautiful face of the Goddess that formed in the sky. She was there everywhere I looked, a serene face of many forms composed of the million stars in the clear night sky. I gave her the finger. <br> <br> Later, I wandered about and reflected on my bad mushroom trip, and how I’d felt close to slipping back into it before. What had that all been about? It was the Blur, I realised. At last I could remember just what had happened, how my brain had stopped making sense of my every perception and, not being in any way prepared for it, I’d panicked. That trip didn’t necessarily have to be a bad one. I just didn’t have the experience to handle it. And the reason I’d spent the rest of it having a ‘psychotic episode’ wherein I alternately believed I was God, a patient in a mental hospital, a prisoner in my room for eternity, etc. was because I had no idea what to do with something like that. It had completely thrown me. There’s a knack to this tripping thing, that’s why more experienced users can take high-dose DMT and hold it together. <br> <br> What was it they’d told me? Whatever happens, don’t fight it, you have to ride it out. I’d had trouble believing that before. Surely if you don’t fight the real psychotic thoughts, that’s when you break down and end up in a mental ward, like my friend G on his first time. But now it made sense. Even the ones who do lose it, they’re not still tripping when they’re in hospital. They’re just insane. There was no danger of the Blur ever lasting for my entire life; I would always come down from it, and the only way lasting damage could occur would be if, indeed, I resisted it, and believed I was losing my mind. Because that is traumatic, and a powerful enough blast of it would be enough to unhinge anyone, the same way watching your lover get tortured, raped and murdered would be enough to send someone over the edge. <br> <br> Therefore, the solution was always to ride it out, and have an anchor. If I find my ego blasted to the four corners of reality, I need only hold on to one thing: This is a trip. It is not real. It will pass. And I could have done that, even during the Blur. But I gave in to the fear that I’d just lost my mind for good, which was exactly how it felt, and it had destroyed me. <br> <br> Still, a doubt lingered. How could I be sure about this? And then, I had my answer. <br> <br> I went back to the fireplace, and asked M and G to give me some weed. <br> <br> “Just one hit,” I said, and explained what I was trying to do. Last time I smoked, it had invoked the Blur in a mild shroom flashback. At the time, I had interpreted it as psychosis. It hadn’t been as intense as the full thing, but it was still scary and highly uncomfortable, so I decided never to smoke pot again – basically, I decided to run away from the problem. Now, I was turning volte-face and confronting it. This would be my test. My initiation into the world of tripping. And if I was wrong, I would probably lose my mind. <br> <br> I took a good deep hit, laid back to watch the fire, and waited. <br> <br> Marijuana and acid have wonderful synergy. You feel heavy and incredibly relaxed, yet far from incapacitated. Conversations drift off in a hundred tangents, yet you always come back to what you started with and you never forget what you were saying. The dynamic of our little group was simply perfect, three misfits of varying ages figuring out the meaning of life in our own ways, feeling we’d glimpsed enlightenment. It was incredible. I’m a lightweight with weed, and the acid seemed to potentiate it, so pretty soon, I was pleasantly stoned. And then, just like I predicted, the Blur crept into the fabric of my consciousness about an hour in. <br> <br> At first, it was very subtle. I noticed some confusion about the tea I was drinking, how the sensation of warm liquid going down my throat didn’t seem to make sense. How could it be happening in space and time when it was just a sensation? Sensations don’t have dimension. (Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar on drugs; if not, you probably won’t be able to follow.) Gradually it intensified. Our campfire conversation became a far-away mesh of meaningless percept. Yet I held fast to my goal. I did not panic. Whenever I felt I’d gone too far out, I reminded myself I was tripping, and endured it. The dissociation from self and identity, the blurring of the line between thought and the external world, sunk into my consciousness. But the warm glow of acid helped me through it. Everything felt right, even the atemporal, non-spatial stomach cramps I was having. All in all, on Blur scale, it reached a three or a four out of ten, and I was still able to hold conversation despite the powerful dissociation. My last experience on weed might make a five on that scale, and on mushrooms, where everything got obliterated, a ten. I didn’t need a five or a ten. This preview of it was enough to know that next time I encounter it, I’ll be ready. <br> <br> And the weed slowly wore off, and we started coming down from the acid. <br> <br> We spent the rest of the night until 3a.m. playing music from the caravan, and eating campfire food and chocolate. Music on LSD is not as good as on DXM and definitely not as good as mushrooms, but it still gels with the everything-is-just-right glow of acid. Food, however, is transcendentally awesome. Fruit explodes in your mouth. The texture of dark chocolate cracking apart into sweet chunks, the salty potatoes disintegrating on your tongue with hot butter, the onion and (non-psychedelic) mushrooms rich with oil... perfect. We shared previous experiences on drugs – G insisted I write down my description of DXM: “Feeling like you’ve lost 30 IQ points, and good riddance.” We stood under the stars again, and this time the Goddess turned into a vampire goth chick, and we all spotted geometric connections between the brighter stars. Visuals had mostly passed by this point, but we continued to notice how the stars looked like little lanterns hanging a few hundred metres overhead instead of thousands of light years away, and how the tin foil around the potatoes looked like breath-taking crystal skulls, or the heads of a Terminator or Optimus Prime. Finally, M fell asleep, and me and G retired to our tent. <br> <br> Unfortunately, I found it impossible to sleep, and spent the next hour tossing and turning. I was getting faint closed-eye visuals, much like what I picture from a very weak hit of DMT. At first they were slow-moving geometric patterns and shapes, morphing smoothly in dreamlike fashion. But as I got more frustrated, they turned into rotten teeth and hideous dinosaur skeletons. Eventually, I realised that with my last, half-tab experience on acid, what I’d interpreted as a hangover had in fact been the trip continuing. That day, I’d remained dissociated even the next night at work, and I was still having trippy thoughts and a generally altered perception. This time, I’d taken more, so it was stronger. My conclusion: for some reason, I peak normally, but I continue tripping for a long time on acid, perhaps about thirty hours. It was impossible to sleep while tripping, so I woke M up and asked for some Valium. It knocked me out mid-sentence in conversation with G. <br> <br> The next day was glorious. We wandered the national park and I was in love with everything. All so warm and colourful and orgasmic! I felt proud of my decision to face the Blur and my victory over it, and I was looking ahead to my future psychedelic experiences. I think I will try san pedro next, and then ayahuasca and DMT, if I feel up to the incredible mind-fuck. This had been my best trip so far and certainly I took a lot away from it. I have an enhanced appreciation of life, even though I still struggle with what seems to be a mild form of derealisation disorder, and I have hope now that with the help of psychedelic drugs, I’ll one day find the answers I’m so desperately looking for. Psychonautics is a legitimate psychospiritual discipline for those who want to use drugs that way, and hopefully one day, society will recognise that. A legitimate path for those who seek self-discovery. Trip on and may you all find the peace I had when I sat before that fire and glimpsed, just for a few hours, perfect contentment.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 92657</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jan 3, 2012</td><td>Views: 10,823</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=92657&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=92657&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), HPPD / Lasting Visuals (40), Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">157 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I had been researching mostly on Erowid whether I should take acid for a long time. My friend M and I decided we would try it. We were on winter break from college, and had been texting during the first semester about trying it.<br> <br> My dealer, T, went to my high school. Ironically, he now lived two minutes from the school. He was booted our sophomore year for selling weed, even though he wasn't a dealer. He just knew where to get it and did kids favors. When he was kicked out of school, he left home. On his own, he worked McDonalds jobs and the like. He sold weed on the side for extra money. Eventually he bought a warehouse which he now uses to launder drug money. He's a full-time dealer now pulling in around $50,000 a year. Not a bad deal, but I don't recommend being a dealer because he's constantly worried about being busted.<br> <br> We went to T's house on December 22nd, 2010. He said he had some strong acid at the moment. We had been asking him questions about acid for a while, and he answered honestly. He said it's better than shrooms because you can control your emotions, while on shrooms you can't. I haven't tried shrooms so I can't vouch for this. T also said we should be in a safe environment while we try it, or we might have a bad trip. Perfect, my parents don't care about us smoking weed downstairs. They would just figure we were smoking, not doing acid.<br> <br> T sold us the acid for $10 a tab. He wrapped it in tin foil and handed it to us saying, 'Enjoy, guys!'<br> <br> We just chilled until my parents went to bed. It was around 10:00 pm. We figured we'd be up until 6 am before we were sober again.<br> <br> M took it as soon as I told him my parents wouldn't be coming down again. I was hesitant. M said he would take it if I didn't. My brother, A, was our sitter. He also said he would take it if I didn't. Since M already ingested the tab, I told A he could have it. A had it in his hand, and I changed my mind. I grabbed it and said, 'I'm just gonna fucking do it.' I put it under my tongue. The only way to describe the taste is “chemical.” It could have been bleach on that tab and I wouldn’t have known the difference.<br> <br> Twenty minutes went by, and the tab had almost dissolved in my mouth. I decided it was time to swallow it. M had taken his about ten minutes before I took mine, so he had swallowed about ten minutes before this. We kept expecting something to happen. Every so often we said things like, “What the fuck? Should we have done more than just one tab?”<br> <br> About an hour in, colors started looking cool. I figured the entire experience would be something like this. A was sitting in the other room waiting for us to start tripping. We told him colors looked more vibrant, so he came in to sit with us. M had a purple winter hat with tassels coming off either side. We decided the hat was the coolest looking thing ever. The purple was so bright. Everything around the lamp next to me was bathed in yellow color. I liked this.<br> <br> We were in the back room of my house, previously used for computers. Now there was just a piano and a computer desk. At one end is a space heater attached to the wall, since the room has less insulation than the rest of my house. We attribute this to the poor insulation job when we had the room added onto the house when I was about 5. M and I turned the heat up to around 85. We decided we would call the room “the warm room,” since the rest of the house felt incredibly cold to us at this time.<br> We went outside and smoked a couple bowls. We kept expecting things to happen, but they didn’t yet. This was maybe an hour and a half after we took the tabs, and we were disappointed we didn’t have visuals. We decided after we finished smoking the second bowl we would go to this neighborhood adjacent to mine, which we called the “light neighborhood.” At Christmastime, it’s tradition for everyone in that neighborhood to put up a ridiculous amount of Christmas lights. We thought they’d look cool. The weed/coming up on acid felt a bit like just being drunk and high at the same time, except without the lack of motor function.<br> <br> A said that he would come with us to the light neighborhood. It was about a 7 minute walk through my neighborhood to the light neighborhood. We just talked about random shit the entire way there. Nothing felt much different except for the change in colors.<br> A new effect hit me as we were walking down the path. I felt like I was walking on sand, when in actuality we were walking on gravel. I didn’t enjoy it. There was snow all around the path, but not on the path. A lot of the snow had melted the day before and the day of our trip, so there was hardly any roads and paths.<br> <br> We walked into the light neighborhood, and I decided the road under my feet felt like I was walking on brownies. It made me want a brownie pretty badly, but I decided it was just because of the weed. I don’t like to give in to munchies. I looked at the lights around me. They were pretty spectacular, but not as spectacular as I expected. They just looked a lot brighter than normal. I look back now and know that I wasn’t yet really affected by the LSD visually, but I started to get mental signs of a trip.<br> I had been through the light neighborhood a lot of times before, during all seasons. I came to the conclusion that there were three neighborhoods in this single place: one for winter (with the lights), one for summer, and one for fall/spring. Three dimensions existed in this one place for those three seasonal stimuli. I tried first explaining this to A, who brushed it off as bullshit. I then explained it to M, but he brushed it off since he hadn’t been in that neighborhood before. I decided to stand on a snow mound formed by a plow. I decided I was king of the three dimensions of that neighborhood. It felt incredible to be up there, but I got bored of it and got down.<br> We walked back, and I felt the brownies underneath my feet the entire way back. Every so often I actually believed that the road was really a brownie. It wasn’t a full trip effect, but I definitely knew I wasn’t normal.<br> <br> When we got back, A went to bed. M and I decided to go into the warm room to wait. We watched youtube videos that were supposed to trip you out while on acid. It didn’t do much for us just yet. We just sat and talked. I decided to write things in a journal to see if they came out like the stereotypical acid writer would write them. They didn’t. At one point I wrote something about a chicken, and it seemed like a perfect sentence for around 10 seconds, at which point I realized it was utter jibberish.<br> M and I just sat and talked for a while. We were now three and a half hours in, by my estimation. All of a sudden, M just sat there wide eyed and said, “Whoah.” He paused. “It just hit me,” he said. I got a feeling in the pit of my stomach. Oh boy, here we fucking go. M was laughing. Hard. He looked like he was having a good time, so I threw on a pair of sweatpants I had set aside for comfort purposes, and waited anxiously. M stopped laughing and was just saying fucked up shit, which he thought was insightful. I sat there listening.<br> <br> I was looking into the corner of the room, about midway up. All of a sudden, I saw a vision shift. The bright colors seemed to roll off my vision like a slideshow. Attached at the top of the frame of this slide of the slideshow, was a world of green and greenish-yellow. I watched as the semi-sober, bright-colored slide shifted down a little bit, revealing a little bit of the trip world, then back up a bit, then quickly down all the way. I was left with just the trip world. I said, “Whoah.” I paused for a second to take it in and told M, “Dude… everything is so fucking green. It’s strange.”<br> I looked at the notebook I was writing in before, and decided writing wasn’t what I wanted to do right now. I wanted to do something else. I kept trying to describe what I was feeling to M. I seemed to describe it in different ways, over and over again. <br> <br> Every single way I described it seemed wrong to me. It was indescribable.<br> <br> “Dude, this is weird.”<br> “My God, this is strange.”<br> “Wow, this is fucked up.”<br> “It’s so different.”<br> “Like, I can’t even describe it.”<br> “It’s weird.”<br> <br> I kept repeating the words “weird, strange, fucked up, different, can’t describe it” in my description of what I was feeling. I couldn’t get what I wanted to say out of my mouth. The same words were echoing over and over again in my head. We’re now at about four and a half hours in. This is the point where I lost all time perception.<br> I felt my phone in my pocket. It was vibrating up against my leg. I decided my phone didn’t belong in my pocket at that certain moment in time. It was meant to be on the table. I put it on the table saying something along the lines of, “Now it’s where it belongs.” It one-hundred percent seemed like that was the most perfect place in the world for my phone right then.<br> <br> M was saying random jibberish to me still. My brother couldn’t sleep, so he came down to check on us. When I told him I couldn’t understand what M was saying, he said he could understand him perfectly. I followed him into the kitchen, leaving M alone in the warm room. I kept telling A how “strange,” and all those other adjectives I had been listing in my head, the experience was. He kept saying he got the point, it’s weird and indescribable. He told me to go back to the warm room with M, because he was going to smoke a bowl to fall asleep, and didn’t want me bothering him. It made me feel like absolute shit. I was all conscious about how I was acting now. I told myself I was fine, that I was just high. I then went back to the warm room and joined M.<br> When I came back to M, I asked him if he was scared when he was alone. He said no. <br> <br> Finally, I could understand him. The fact that he said he didn’t get lonely or scared when I was gone was a huge relief. We sat there, now both of us trying to describe to each other how we were feeling. He was coming up with analogies, and I was using those same adjectives as before. Every so often, I would get stumped on a word to use and just say, “It’s so… blah!” We must have been talking about how we were feeling for a few hours, because I don’t know where a lot of the night went.<br> <br> M had his purple snow hat with tassels next to him. He decided it would make the world perfect if he put it on. I decided I needed to make something perfect, too. I saw my phone, and decided all would be perfect if I put it back in my pocket. It was alright, but not perfect. I told M I would be right back. I went into my room and plugged the charger into my phone. Now, THAT was perfect.<br> <br> I went back downstairs and walked toward the warm room. I was looking at things all around me when I was walking back. I found out I could control things that I saw. I made certain objects in my house wavy, but I could only do it to one object at a time. I did it to the wall, and I decided I was done with making things wavy, because I didn’t like the way the walls looked. It wasn’t perfect. I needed perfection. Now I wanted to try “something else.” The words “something else” in my head didn’t seem like the right words to describe what I wanted to do. I needed to come up with “something specific.” The words “something specific” were the words that didn’t sound right, now. I kept thinking of the “correct” word to go after the word “something.” It irritated me, so I just stopped thinking about it, and decided to “distort” certain objects in my house. I looked at the kitchen table. I made the table stay static, and the room (along with everything in it except the table) was moving up and down. It was “cool.” <br> I put all of these in quotes, because they didn’t seem specific enough to me at the time to describe the thoughts I wanted to convey to myself. I was very “irritated.”<br> I went back to M in the warm room, who had his eyes closed. He said he was watching hallucinations. He liked it. I sat down in the green armchair I had been sitting in the entire time. It didn’t seem right to be sitting in it at this moment in time, so I stood up and sat on the footrest of the chair. That seemed right.<br> <br> I looked at M. He was now looking at me with a quizzical look on his face. His purple hat on his head seemed new and different to me, so I told him. He said he loved that hat. I said I didn’t like it. He said I was just jealous. I didn’t like the way it rested on his head. The color was hurting my eyes. His face turned into something grotesque when he had that hat on. He refused to take it off. I was pleading for him to take it off. He decided he liked it on too much, and told me to chill out since I was just tripping. I still didn’t like that hat, or his face. He looked like a monster.<br> I sat back in the armchair to distract myself from this annoyance. I was scared when I looked at him. Instead, I looked at different objects in the room. It was like I’d never seen them before in my life. They were all so different. A grandfather clock we have in that room, which we have had since before I was born, looked unfamiliar. I decided to open up a compartment in the lower portion of it. It was empty, and it needed something in it. I took a plant off of the top of our piano and put it inside. <br> <br> On a side note, my mom found it a few days later and thought I was playing a prank on her.<br> <br> With the atmosphere of the room completely new to me, I decided we should go into the kitchen and look at things on the internet. On the way into the kitchen, I started trying to describe how I was feeling to M again. He completely agreed with me, and kept naming new adjectives, which I added to the wordbank in my head which held all the ways to describe it. When I thought of the wordbank, I saw an organized table. Each category of adjectives had a noun at the header. Words like “prosthetic limb, dragon arcade, and computer” were the nouns I had heading the adjectives. The last category had “I don’t know” for the header. There were no words in that category. It felt like a small success to me. It seemed like I was thinking about this for an eternity, but when I was done, I was still only halfway to my mom’s laptop in the kitchen.<br> <br> We opened it up, and I typed in the password. The volume was all the way up, and the sound the computer played when it had loaded windows was “crazy.” M and I had a hard time finding the right words to describe it. On the table in my head, I moved “crazy” over to the column headed by “computer.”<br> <br> We first decided to look up things about weed. We read weed stories on erowid. We then looked up how long you trip on LSD for. Websites in general said it could last from eight to fourteen hours. We decided we weren’t okay with that, since we would be tripping until noon the next day if the acid was as good as T told us it was. I didn’t want to face my parents while tripping, and I had to drive M home around 10 am that day.<br> <br> We watched the music video for “Spiders” by System of a Down. The music video has a bunch of tentacles or something moving around underwater. We watched with crazy concentration. We kept telling each other we were scared. We couldn’t stop watching, and neither of us wanted to turn it off for reasons unknown. The emotion it made us feel was unbearably different from anything we’d ever felt before.<br> <br> I listened to the music now, instead of just watching the video. The vocals sounded like background noise. The drums were speaking to me in a way I can’t describe. They were sending messages to me. I agreed with every message it told me. There wasn’t a real message you could put into words, it was just a mutually understood message between the drum beats and myself. I liked it. We decided to turn off the video because M was too scared to watch. I turned it off for him, since I was over being scared of the tentacles.<br> <br> Now, my friend threw on a prank video to try to scare me, where something jumps out from the side. There was a car driving through a valley with calm music, then all of a sudden a figure popped out and screamed. I wasn’t scared at all. The strange looking, screaming person was just misunderstood and wanted attention. I couldn’t be scared of someone who wanted attention. He’s just a jerk. I told my friend this, and he agreed he wasn’t scared of it while tripping, even though he jumped when he was sober.<br> <br> Next, we decided to watch trippy color pattern videos. M turned one on. The colors and patterns weren’t analyzed as visual by my brain. Instead, they gave me sensation all over my body. To my eyes, it just looked like a solid block of moving black and grey. To my body, it made me want to move. I told my friend I didn’t want to watch black and grey blocks moving around. He asked me what I was talking about, because they were color patterns moving around. I didn’t believe him, but after looking in the internet history the next day, I found out it actually was colors and patterns.<br> <br> M decided he was hungry, so we got food. I think we had Cheez-Its. We sat on the couch and ate for a while. When I was chewing, I wasn’t myself. I went blind. I couldn’t feel anything except chewing. I had to close my eyes. When I chewed, the only part of me that existed was my mouth. I couldn’t taste using my tongue, it just turned into visuals of a lone mouth crunching on food. Then, I turned into that mouth. The only weird part was that I was watching from another part of the room, as the lone mouth crunched on food, suspended in thin air.<br> <br> We put the food away and went back to the computer, where we turned on a new music video. I don’t remember what song or who it was by. About ten seconds into the song, I heard someone say, “Will? M…?” It was my mom. She was standing in the doorway. My friend said he had to use the bathroom, and left.<br> <br> My mom asked, “Do you know what time it is?” I stood there with a blank stare. She was staying still, while the room shook violently. She said, “It’s 7 in the morning, go to bed!” I stood there staring blankly at her for what seemed like hours, but it must have been seconds.<br> <br> I responded, “Okay.” She kept talking. I don’t know what she was saying. I was cutting her off in the middle of her sentences with constant, “Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.” Then she said goodnight, and went back up the stairs. I can’t believe she didn’t notice how fucked up I was.<br> <br> I told M he could sleep anywhere in my house he wanted. He asked me if I wanted to chill in the basement with him, with the lights off. I said no, I wanted to go to bed. My bedroom seemed like the most perfect place to be. I walked up the dark staircase. I kept thinking I saw figures looking at me from the darkness. I was sure there was a woman in white, tattered clothes at the top of the stairs. I told myself I was only tripping, and she disappeared.<br> <br> I went into the bathroom to wash my face. I didn’t like looking at myself in the mirror. Every detail was much more in-depth than it’s supposed to be. I washed my face. I had to close my eyes to do it, and in the process I turned into the water rushing over my face. Now, as water, I rushed across my face and down the drain. When I hit a certain point in the drain, I turned into a new handful of water which I (the real me) was collecting from the sink faucet. I stopped washing my face because I liked being human more than water. I dried my face off. <br> <br> Now the world turned into the children’s books “I Spy.” I would tell myself I needed to find certain things listed at “the bottom of the page,” which was really a list I made for myself in my head. If I needed to find a wrench, it would just pop up in my field of vision. I liked this game, so I decided to try out “Where’s Waldo” next. When I “found” where Waldo was, a red and white hat and black glasses would appear on whatever object I decided was “Waldo.” I liked this game better than I Spy, but decided it was too childish for me.<br> <br> I walked into my room and picked up my iPod, placing it on my nightstand. I was scared to lie down on my bed, out of fear that Waldo might pop up behind me, enraged I gave up on his game. I decided Waldo couldn’t hurt me. My reasoning for this was that he was always hiding. He’s just shy. He probably wants to be friends with me. I figured he was probably off crying somewhere over how I gave up on finding him. Waldo needs friends, too. In my head, I assured him that someone else would enjoy finding him later on. The world was now perfect.<br> <br> I lay down on my bed. The blankets became a part of me. I liked it, but I was cold. Blankets shouldn’t have to be cold, so that people should be warm. I put a second blanket on top of the blanket I had fused with. The second blanket sent a message to me that it liked the cold better than the warmth. It was perfect.<br> <br> Now I had to pee, so I got up and went back to the bathroom. I hadn’t even turned the lights in my room off yet, so I figured my parents wouldn’t be angry that I left my room for a minute. When I was peeing, my penis felt like just a tube with water rushing through it. It felt like it wasn’t mine. I didn’t like it. I’m a man, it should be mine. It’s attached to me. I turned out the bathroom lights and walked into the hallway. I turned around, and the bathroom looked old and run-down. I turned back toward my room, and then I walked in, closing the door behind me. I picked up my guitar and put it next to my bed in case I wanted to play later on.<br> <br> I looked at the clock, but couldn’t read it with my eyes. The message traveled to my fingers. I put four fingers up on each hand to tell myself it was eight am. It was the only way I could understand the message the numbers on the clock wanted me to see.<br> I lay in bed again, and turned out the lights. I put my iPod headphones into my ears and closed my eyes, blankets over my face. I stopped feeling like a single person with the blankets. I was coming down.<br> <br> Every song I listened to was different than I’d heard it before. Vocals were distorted and just seemed like a stupid way to communicate with the listener. Instead, I listened to the instruments. Depending on the song I was listening to, I was given either a positive or a negative message. Certain songs told me negative things, like that I needed to die eventually. I didn’t like that. Other songs told me I was going to change the world some day, or that I was perfect in every way. I loved listening to these songs. My favorite musical experience was the song Tentative, by System of a Down. The guitar was telling me things in the world needed to change. I closed my eyes and nodded my head, YES! The world DOES need to change in the way you’re describing. At other times I didn’t agree with how the guitar was telling me the world needed to change. I would shake my head, HELL NO! I would explain using telepathic signals to the song about why the world shouldn’t change in the way described. In the end, I won every argument against the guitar, and it agreed with my points.<br> <br> I took out my iPod. I wasn’t tripping too badly anymore. There weren’t visuals anymore. I wasn’t melting into things I was touching anymore. My penis still felt like a tube, though. However, everything still looked new to me, and everything was still green or greenish-yellow.<br> <br> I picked up my guitar and began playing. I changed my riffs until the guitar was speaking the message I wanted to convey. I decided to play songs I already knew. Solos I normally had trouble with were a breeze. I was incredible at playing guitar. The only problem was that when I started playing a song, ten minutes later I wanted to play a different song. I was being incredibly sporadic over it. I decided it was time to try to sleep.<br> <br> I put my guitar away and got back into bed. I turned off the lights and closed my eyes. I had a strange feeling I can only describe as “metallic” in my stomach. I also tasted strangely. My mouth tasted like “stomach ache.” I now think that my sense of touch and sense of taste had been swapped. With my eyes closed, I had visuals like kaleidoscopes. I was bored of it, so I put my iPod back into my ears. Now I was ADD about the music I was listening to. I kept getting sick of a song a few seconds in. I kept thinking that I needed to do “something different.” Oh, God. Please not this again. The adjective thoughts continued through the rest of the trip. I constantly switched between playing guitar, going on my laptop, and listening to music. I kept thinking I would never get sober again. Eventually, 11 am I fell asleep. It was bright out, and birds were chirping. I was still tripping when I fell asleep.<br> <br> I woke up, still a little high. M was standing over me. He said his mom called him, and he needed to go home. I rolled out of bed, grabbed my keys, and rushed into the garage, and into the car. When I opened doors or moved anything, I couldn’t really feel it in my arms. I knew I was doing it since I was 99% sober, but it just didn’t feel like I was. This was just afterglow, though. I didn’t trip again when I had woken up, and colors and everything were normal.<br> <br> <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br> Driving the car felt funny. I was sober, but the afterglow was definitely affecting me. When I pressed the pedal and the car moved, I couldn’t feel the acceleration. I felt absolutely fine driving, though. I was perfectly safe. I wouldn’t have driven if I wasn’t sober.<br> <br> M and I talked about the trip on the way home. He said he loved it, and I didn’t know what to think.<br> <br> It was definitely an eye-opening experience. I may even go as far as describing it as life-changing. It also changed my personality a bit. I’m a lot more sociable now. I don’t know whether it was a self-revelation from tripping that I was a normal individual and have nothing to worry about in social situations, but I definitely am a lot more outgoing now.<br> <br> I had a very different experience from the norm on acid. I tried it once, and like I said before I ever took it in the first place, I will never try it again after this first experience.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 90477</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 10, 2012</td><td>Views: 16,166</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=90477&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=90477&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Cannabis (1), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), First Times (2), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 9:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">70 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I’d just like to say that this was a LONG trip. I took 1 tab, and about 9 hours into that I had another, effectively having 2 consecutive trips. Then there was the long long come down. By the end of it I hadn’t slept in 28 hours and was just fried mentally and physically. So, excuse me if this report is a bit long, but I don’t feel my trip is justified enough without the detail. <br> <br> That aside, this was my second time doing acid. Far from my first experience with drugs though. Over the previous 2 years I had smoked a lot of weed of course, done copious amounts of DXM, DPH and LSA and had done other one-off encounters with salvia, speed, MDMA, Xanax and some painkillers. I considered myself pretty experienced with drugs and at that point impervious to a bad trip, taking into account all the DPH I’ve done and all the bad highs I’d gotten. The first time I did acid on a school night, alone in my room, and while it was fun I don’t think I truly experienced the acid experience. After looking for it again for a year, my dealer-good friend of mine told me that within the next week she’d get some LSD and that I’m more than welcome to take it with her and her friends. As nice as this was, I don’t think I would’ve felt the safest tripping with her Russian skinhead drug dealing muscly boyfriend and his friends. Nice guys and all, but I’m sure acid would’ve said otherwise. I asked her if I could buy 8 tabs for me and my friends instead, who haven’t previously done acid and she said she’ll see what she can do. <br> <br> Fast forward a week and I’m in her apartment hallway staring at a tiny piece of tinfoil. She said to me “So, remember, there’s 4 with a bear on them and 4 with just colours on them. The one with bears on them are the really strong ones, don’t give them to your friends who haven’t done LSD before. The one without bears are... well, strong ones, ha. Enjoy!” and just like that she guided me towards the door, gave me a hug and told me to take care. So begin our LSD journey. My friend who was waiting outside had a huge grin on his face; we couldn’t wait to take it anymore. But we decided to at least wait till we’re on the bus to our friend’s house to take it. We came to the bus station at about 7pm. Full of impatience, we just said fuck it and went to the bathroom. Opening up this magic piece of tinfoil, we both glared down at the tabs. I carefully picked up my tab, a colourful little smiley bear was on it. I felt nervous. He took his colourful tab and we stared at each other, having second thoughts if we should do it or not (at that present moment). We did anyways, of course, and made our way to the bus stop. <br> <br> Waiting at the bus stop I felt really nervous. I don’t know why. My foot was tapping and my heart was racing. My friend felt the same, but we felt confident. My mindset at the time was ok. I was doing fine in college, had good friends, but I was piss poor and was arguing with my girlfriend of 3 years. I kept thinking about spiders for some reason (I detest spiders) and my girlfriend. It made me feel a bit scared, what if these thoughts just turned up while I was tripping and then I had a bad trip? What if I started to freak out on the bus? Too late, I thought. It’s slowly melting on your tongue and you know you’re not going to spit it out. <br> <br> The bus arrived and neither of us could wait to start tripping and to arrive at our friends. The bus journey was 1 hour 25 minutes, so we really needed to occupy ourselves. About 50 minutes later we began to feel good. REALLY good. Just very happy. It was identical to LSA happiness to say the least. We began to talk about rubbish, like how it feels like this bus is a womb and us 2 are twins. Our friend, a female, was coming to pick us up at the bus station. Then we theorized that she was our mother, meeting us at the exit of the womb and would guide us through the world (the city) to happiness (her house where our friends were). The excitement of thinking of seeing her was unbearable! The second we got off the bus we ran towards her and gave her a HUGE hug (so much that we hurt her breasts!), like a dog running to his master. Her already knowing we were a bit fucked up, she gladly purchased all of us an inter-city bus ticket to the house. On the bus, the LSA happiness started to wear. Not that we weren’t happy still, but the “LSD silliness” began to take over. We sat on the bus just grinning. Then I said to him “Hey, what if we fartled”? “Fartled...?” he inquired. “You know, when you get startled by someone and at the same time you fart.” On the finishing of my sentence the two of us roared into laughter. Just laughing and laughing and laughing at the top of our lungs. On a public bus full of people (no one seemed to hear us though, at least that’s what our friend said). After our little laugh attack (which there was way more to come), we asked our friend how long had we been laughing maniacally. She told us “Uhm, about 20 minutes!” Neither of us could believe it. It really felt like we had been laughing for just 10 seconds. <br> <br> We got off at the bus stop close to the house. We stopped into McDonalds first though, our “mother” was hungry and we were obedient to our mother, like 2 little babies. While she was getting food at the counter, me and my friend stared at a marble table. The hallucinations were starting. We both saw kaleidoscope patterns along the marble table. “Cool, can see you it F, can you see it!?” “Yeah man, it’s moving all over the table!” At this point our friend grabbed both our arms, bag of food in mouth and dragged us out (not in an angry way). She told us we literally shouted it and there was 2 men behind us, staring at us. After devouring our burgers, which tasted more amazing than usual, we had our little walk to the house. To get to the house you have to go down this little alleyway in between 2 neighbourhoods. This was fine and all, I was in good company and the house was just 2 minutes walk away. Upon entering the alleyway though everything had a dark feel to it (it was 10pm by this point). The trees begin to get sharper and seemed to be pointing at me. Then I heard this loud metallic scraping, followed by the hissing of a snake. I, without thinking, sprinted to the end of the alleyway. I realized what had happened and laughed it off, I knew it was just the acid beginning to take effect and waited up for my friends. <br> <br> We finally got to the house, where there was good vibes everywhere. All my friends were there, the atmosphere was good and I was on acid. It really began to take a hold now. I saw kaleidoscopes everywhere. My bodily feelings spiralled out of control. I just wanted to stretch and touch everything, my teeth felt really sharp and kind of sore. My hands numb. I didn’t care, I felt completely at one with the world. I handed my friend his tab of acid. Now there was 3 of us who’d be on acid. Nothing much happened for a while, me and my other tripping friend just enjoyed the patterns everywhere and kept having laugh attacks, which felt amazing by the way. Another friend arrived at the house to pick up his 2 tabs of acid. We offered him to trip with us, but he declined. That’s cool, he’s got things to do and places to be. While we were all having a cigarette in the living room, the friend that arrived began to talk about the acid experience. He was somewhat experienced with it, having taken it 5+ times. He said “When on acid, you’re like a little school child. Anything can you make laugh, take these 2 idiots for example (referring to us)” He began to smile really widely and waved his arms about. Me and my friend exploded into laughter. I just couldn’t help it, he looked so silly. We begged him to do it again and again until he finally said “I’m not gonna be your personal clown for the night! Later guys!” and like that he left. <br> <br> Our other friend who had taken it began to trip. This is when all of us entered “question mode”. Every little thing, every idea and word, we’d elaborate and question. Having a basic conversation would turn into an elaborate, pseudo-intellectual conversation. An example would be this (each line representing a different person); <br> <br> “Could you please pass the water? Wait, why don’t I get the water? Why do I even need the water? I’m hydrated and really don’t need any water” <br> <br> “What do you mean by hydration though? Do you really feel hydrated and don’t need the water, or do you just think it? How can you tell what your body needs? Why am I making decisions for you? Why don’t I just let you get your water?” <br> <br> “But why do you THINK you know if he’s hydrated or not? What if he really is? Where do you think you know how he feels? Why do I think I know how you think?” <br> <br> Yes, that whole conversation ensued over me asking if I could get a bottle of water. This was a daily occurrence over the night, over ANYTHING. An apple, a name, what time it is, etc. It was pretty cool, but towards the end of the trip you just wanted to have a normal conversation without turning it into a question everything discussion. <br> <br> We didn’t do much apart from wonder around the house in amazement and talk (that is, us 3. Our 3 other non-tripping friends stayed in the sitting room). I feel like I should mention my brief bad trip. While my 2 friends wandered upstairs, I looked for a mirror to look into and went into my friends room. A girly room it was. But that didn’t change anything. For some reason, when I stepped into the room, I felt REALLY alone. I just stood at the door, confused. Then the leopard patterns on her bed started turning into the shapes of spiders, her big mirror began to turn into an angry face and an absolute terror overcame me. I was so scared and felt so alone. I ran back to my friends upstairs and told them what happened. Then we had another big discussion about evilness and why the mind manifests these things. Then I wondered why that incident occurred, analyzed it and felt that it was absolutely pointless. However, my friend decided to turn off the light for a second. That was fine, I wasn’t scared anymore. Until he, in the darkness, turned really pale, grew big fang teeth, had red gleaming eyes and his hair turned into a big nest of barbed wire. I got scared again and turned on the light. We analyzed it again and I definitely felt I could take on the dark now. I wanted to get an evil hallucination. We turned the lights off and I looked at my friend. Sadly (or not so sadly) my friend turned into a Chinese man (he’s 100% white) and we all burst into laughter. The period of bad trips is gone I told myself and I smiled. <br> <br> It was about 3am at this point, the hallucinations began to wear off and I didn’t want to stop tripping. I took another tab and wandered around the house where I met the first friend I tripped with. I told him I took another tab and he said “Uh oh”. I got kind of angry at this and asked why did he said that. He said “Well tomorrow, you’re going to be tripping really hard and no one else will be...”. “Wanker” I thought to myself. “He doesn’t know a fucking thing about LSD, this is his first time doing it. Doesn’t he know that since I didn’t take 2 at the same time I won’t trip THAT hard? Fuck him”. Then I explained to him that I’ll trip in the same way I just did and I’ll be fine. He said “Oh, ok. You’re more experienced with drugs so I’ll take your word”. I calmed down and went upstairs alone to think for myself. I sat down on a friends bed and felt “normal”. Emotionless, I guess. I heard a loud buzzing noise out of nowhere. Then I heard my friends talking, even though everyone was downstairs. Within seconds I felt like everything was caving in on me and evil faces began to appear everywhere. Amongst a bundle of clothes, on an ipod, etc. I ran downstairs back to my friends and sat in silence with them thinking “You’re only happy (can you even say you are?) because you’re with friends. In a few hours most of them are going home and you’ll be alone. You’ll have to go back to your house with your lame housemates and you’re going to freak the fuck out. Oh, and your girlfriend hates you.” I saw evil faces in all objects and began to feel really nervous, until my tripping friend said “Hey, I’m going for a walk. Space seems like it’d be awesome to look at!” I felt happier and comfier, I felt like I could talk to him one on one and I’d be safer. When we went outside, he told me “I’m gonna go get F (our other tripping friend), one sec)”. I told myself, standing outside in the grass completely alone in the dark at 4am, “You’re alone now. Fight your fears” and just like that I felt completely good about myself. To brighten it even more, my friend told me he wanted to take another tab and would buy the last tab off me! I felt great. Now I had money for some grub during the week AND another partner to trip with for the next few hours. Bad trip phase was really over. <br> <br> After staring and discussing the stars for 40 minutes we all went in. Everyone had went to bed and the first friend I saw began to sober up. He was really tired and hit the hay. I was left alone in the living room with my friend, and both of us began to trip extremely hard from our new tabs. EVERYTHING was changing. The walls were shifting radically, the chandelier was constantly morphing into some psychedelic multi coloured pyramid with an eye on top and when we both looked at each other’s faces for just 2 seconds they would morph radically, REALLY radically. Anything from 8 eyed multi coloured aliens to native Indians to pirates. Typical LSD stuff, but it really is completely mind blowing when you experience it. Could we BE any higher? We laughed about it, and just sat in the living room listening to psychedelic music for 3 hours, chain smoking, enjoying the visual effects. Then the sun came up. <br> <br> We had an excellent but cliché idea. Let’s go “sun worshipping”. We stepped out into the chill Irish morning air of 8am and stood in complete awe at the sun. Now I’m not really the guy that gets amazed by nature, but this was beautiful. The sun was radiating so many colours. It was purple, with a blue outline, giving out green, red, orange, yellow, pink, every type of colour rays. The clouds were full of colours too. The whole sky just revolved around this huge bright psychedelic sun. I saw faces, animals, people in the clouds. Swirling colours, birds flying and yes, again, this huge bright psychedelic sun. I cannot describe in mere words the stunning beauty of this sun. It is something you must go and see yourself. I think we just sat down and stared at it for 2 hours (then our eyes began to hurt ) and went back inside. The drug started to wear off, we had minor visuals but still had an LSD mindset. <br> <br> I felt complete, tranquil. I went to an empty room of my friends (gone away for the weekend) and switched on the laptop. I went onto my facebook for some bizarre reason (not something I’d bother doing on psychedelic drugs) and saw an angry, disappointed comment from my girlfriend. My mind fell apart. I felt angry, confused, and sad. “This is it” I said. “I’m going to solve everything”. I wrote her a huge message, telling her how I’m just a human, I can never be perfect, but despite my flaws I do my best to make her happy and I love her with all my heart. That I’m sorry for everything I’ve done, that relationships are built on mistakes and understanding and I beg her to talk to me. I texted her from my phone telling her to come online to MSN and to check her facebook messages. She did, surprisingly, at 11am. She read my message and felt touched by it. She began to apologize too, saying how she’s sorry for always criticizing me, that she knows I’m just a human, but she just needs some reassurance of my love sometimes. She told me that whenever we argue, she still always loves me and never has doubts about me. She finished it by saying she’ll always protect and defend me. This made me cry so much. Knowing I had a partner who’d always be there for me and who will love me. Every little doubt I had, every fear or worry I had, just went out the window. The argument which we were having, which was pretty serious, was just solved in a matter of seconds. Both of us are confident we’ll last as long as physically possible. I really could not be happier with the result. And to think this all happened over the internet! <br> <br> With that little encounter finished and her gone back to work, I realized I was extremely tired. My head was pounding, my body just exhausted and my eyesight blurry. I was still having small hallucinations, but not really tripping mentally. I remembered I took acid at 7pm yesterday and that it was now 12pm the next day along with the fact I woke up at 8am the previous day. I walked back home, lay down on my bed for and slept for 20 hours. I woke up the next day feeling super content with life. I tackled fear, saw the most amazing sunrise of my life, felt in love with the world and was completely satisfied with my relationship. <br> <br> LSD is easily my favourite drug now and I really hope to take it again, in higher amounts. This was only 2 tabs spread out over a day! I can only imagine the beauty and wonders my next trip will be like.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 88121</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 5, 2012</td><td>Views: 27,826</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=88121&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=88121&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), First Times (2), Nature / Outdoors (23), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/alprazolam/">Pharms - Alprazolam</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I talked often to my friend T about my experiences with psychedelics. He had never done any form of hallucinogen before, or really anything besides grass and booze, but one day he showed a sudden spark of interest in my stories of LSD, and agreed to try it himself one day. I was excited and enthused about his sudden willingness, so we set a day and I picked up a handful of good blotters. I tasted the batch on Christmas eve, a few weeks before our trip, I took one dose of the new batch and a dose of a different batch I had left over. I had a nice trip, but I didn't think it was strong enough for me and T's purposes. I proposed we take 2.5 hits for our trip rather then one two. Turns out I under-estimated the new batch. <br> <br> The day of the trip T had the house to himself with his older sister, who was aware we would be tripping. At around 11 PM I walked to his house with the doses a pipe and about 3 grams of some potent marijuana. I ended up beating him to his house by a few minutes, so his sister let me in. Apon entering his house she let me know her feelings on our tripping. She didn't feel her brother was ready, she felt he could hardly handle weed, but wasn't going to stop him. Told us to be careful. <br> <br> T came, we instantly popped the tiny squares in our mouths and T's sister came down with a handful of tripping toys. She had a teddy bear, a back massager, and most importantly a special mirror with lights that emulated infinity. <br> <br> The first hour and a half we spent talking, listening to music and anticipating our trips. Me and T's sister talked about acid tripping, as she was a bit of a acid head herself and answered any questions T had. After this I asked T to join me on a walk around the neighborhood while we waited for the faint physical highs within us to develop. Besides I was full of energy and high strung, as I always was before a significant trip. We set out to look for Christmas lights. So T decided to throw on a big red cape and glasses for the occasion, and we got on boots and hats and set out. <br> <br> T was laughing and smiling the whole time and kept on saying 'Op, I definently feel it now!' as our physical highs continued to grow. The warm joyous feeling within my stomach was extending itself throughout my body and melting into the familiar feel of the LSD body high. However, I was coming up very slow, so slow in fact I was beginning to worry. It had been two hours neither I nor T had any hallucinations. On our way back into the house we both slipped on a plate of Ice simultaneously and couldn't stop laughing for ten minutes. Then I car whizzed by, wait a sec, I know that car. The car backed up revealing my friend, S, in the drivers seat. S had helped me get the doses I was currently on. <br> <br> I told him how we had taken the two and a half doses, that it was T's first and that I was seeming to take forever to come up. When I said that he laughed and said, oh don't you worry, just you wait. When he drove off I almost instantly felt the immense increase in my body high just since our walk. <br> <br> When we reentered T's house I instantly 'felt' the visual part of my trip begin to arise. We went into T's basement which was a chill place, and put on some trippy videos on his computer. Our physical highs were getting overwhelming. We lay on the floor stretched out and stared at the ceiling. The ceiling was beginning its flow. The shadows each piece of ceiling 'bump' cast on the ceiling began the flicker. The flickering began to throb. The throbbing began to trickle. And soon enough my LSD visuals were on, and everything I looked at had the familiar 'melt' and 'flow'. I wanted to make sure T could see his visuals so we went up to a photo and I told him what I saw. It was a photo of some beachgrass on a sandbar in the ocean. I said how I saw each swirl in the sand actually swirl, and every beach grass kind of 'trail off' and illuminate. <br> <br> We went upstairs and I felt a sudden pang of nausea. I got nervous, this was not the time for an upset stomach. The body high was overwhelming, it felt like my entire soul was being shit in the sun. I suddenly became less social with T, becoming more worried about the vomiting that was soon to occur. Another pang of naseau, and then another pang of something more powerful. A sort of deja vu I've felt on acid many time before, the separation of ego. Me and T were studying the floor and then, pang it was I studying the floor. We were the same. I felt this feeling, its power and I didn't want to go there. It was the feeling I've felt before one of the numerous inward egoless spiritual mind-warps. They were scary, though powerful. I didn't want to go there that night, so I cast the feeling aside. I told T to look in the mirror as its something everyone tripping acid needs to experience, and then I head for a different bathroom myself and puked up my everything in my stomach. It felt like my entire head was exploding, all the blood ran to my head and it felt like dying. But I got through it and instantly felt better after my stomach had been emptied. The puke was black, it swirled and morphed in the toilet. I cleaned up but after I cleaned everything I kept seeing puke on the floor that wasn't there. I looked at my reflection, my face was so red it radiated off of me. Each individual incline of my hair drew a line and lifted off into my peripheral vision. <br> <br> I went opened the door to find T on the stairs with the trippy mirror toy. I told him I puked and his smile instantly vanished. 'Oh that sucks so much, I'm sorry.' 'Why?' 'You puked up your acid, how will you trip now?' I laughed and told him that all .01% of the acid I ingested had already reached my brain. He laughed and then told me to walk up the stairs, as he had placed the mirror at the top of them. It felt like walking into infinity. <br> <br> No longer sick and feeling much more relaxed I pulled out a pad of paper and colored pencils and urged T to draw. We spent over an hour drawing. We were tripping hard at this point, and at the time I considered it the peak of my trip, so I thought. <br> <br> I got more into drawing than I ever had on acid. I finally figured out how to let myself draw on the drug, which was difficult because I practically had to teach myself all over again. I would draw a line and the line would draw a flow, so I would draw the flow and then look at that and see what it wanted to be drawn next. My sub conscious controlled the drawing not me myself. I drew a multi-colored melt of faces and shapes. T drew an abstract rose made from a fractal-like design, I was impressed but he was disappointed. <br> <br> After drawing, I felt as though I was coming down. My physical had died and my visuals even seemed a little less full. We decided to go on a walk. It was around 4 am, and life outside was dead. T looked depressed, everything was indeed dead as he pointed out. My visuals all of a sudden weren't present at all, in fact I felt as if I had suddenly dropped down a whole lot. I told T we were probably on our come down and that we should go home and smoke some bowls. We did just that and after a few bowls we were both ripped. <br> <br> The comforting warmth of marijuana re-pumped the physical acid hig through my body, as it did with my visuals. In fact suddenly our trip came out of nothing and seemingly back into full swing. We were ecstatic. We both sat in a haze only marijuana could bring, not talking and simply looking at our visuals and giggling every once and a while. My visuals within the next half hour went from nothing and skyrocketed. The flowers patterned on T's kitchen wall began to grow, I had amazing trails and everything radiated a warm light. <br> <br> We explored his house, pointing out our visuals which simply popped up everywhere before we ended up sitting at his kicthen again. His sister came downstairs, she had been crying because of a fight she had with her boyfriend, this amplified a kind of paleness in her face that made her appear less human. I had this powerful feeling she was more then human, holy, she illuminated light and her eyes glowed. She brought us some crazy facial creams and chap stick for us. She applied the cream on my face and said 'enjoy!' before walking back upstairs. My face burned like all hell! I started to laugh. 'It freakin burns! It feels like I'm dying!' It was as if she was a God who had bestowed gifts apon us, the moment she said 'enjoy' my feet left contact with the earth and my trip turned on full throttle.The flowers on the kitchen wall grew and melted at the same time, auditory hallucinations of buzzing and sweeping noises echoed around me. <br> <br> His cat walked by me, it was a white cat, but now it was more of a white orb of light. The cat was also high as balls thanks to a session it had with T's sister. It was tripping out and watching it made me do the same. It had this amazing connection to nature, it was superior to us beings who were only able to simply study its perfectiveness. I was sitting on the couch and it sat accross the room from me. T had moved the glowing trip mirror so it was sitting on a chair directly above sat the cat. The lights in the mirror pulsed on and off, and every time it pulsed the cat became less cat-like. Its fur radiated light and lifted off its back in a 'fetherish' way. Its face was suddenly more human then it was cat. Its body was cartoony but its face was distinct. A womans almost. She stared at me and I stared back, it was connecting with me. The face became more vivid as everything else around it began to melt away, an auditory buzzing was growing. I stared on, incredible power radiating at me, the face was trying to tell me something, it was me and the cat. Everything else was dissolving away, the buzzing became too much. I had to look away. Then the cat left. <br> <br> We were tripping hard. I looked at T, he was staring at the wall wide-eyed mouth-gaping. I asked him if he was alright and then lay on the couch staring at his wall. There was a brick fireplace, huge pieces of brick were melting off of it. Suddenly it became clear that the cementing between the bricks was more of a rainbow network of pulsing lines. I began to sense a strong visual and physical flow moving through the walls up the couch and up my arm into me. The could feel the flow physically, but also see it in the melting walls. Suddenly I saw blurry sort of random visuals in my peripheral vision moving along the flow. Girls faces? Or was it just colors? Shapes? Balls of color began to move along the flow up into me, they grew more and more visible. The colors morphed into cats, they were multi-colored and running up into me. They were extremely clear to see. Then the cats morphed into arrows pointing along the flow. <br> <br> I was playing chill music but the song turned to a sort of audio-mixed that hard people talking. I looked to the tv which was off, and in a sort of reflection on the tv sat a man who was sitting and mouthing the words of the audio. I decided it would good to rid of the man and turn on something real.We turned out the lights and put in a nature documentary DVD. It was a special on mountains and all the trees along the sides of the mounts moved around like worms. The DVD was amazing, but surrounding it things were getting a little less cheery. Since we had turned out the lights the visuals in my peripherals stopped showing the flow and instead just kind of projected what I was seeing on tv onto the walls. If you've ever seen Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, during the scene were Duke trips acid in the hotel room watching news on the vietnam war, the visual was just like that with the tv. <br> <br> After a while though, I noticed a sort of new visual forming within everything surrounding the tv. The flickering of the tv made sort of wobbly shadows surrounding it, and the shadows were beginning to take form. I suddenly recognized these forms as being shadow-people. They were people with glowing eyes, thick grins and a sort of 'shadow-like' body the morphed and moved around. They were beginning more and more distinct and soon they had arms that lunged out at me. At first I didn't mind them, but their arms lunging was distracting me from the dvd. Suddenly I wanted them away very badly but they simply would not leave. Everywhere I looked, the shadow was a person with a face and trying to grab me. Sometimes they actually would grab hold of me and I could feel it. I began to grow nervous so I began to meditate. I closed my eyes and they evaporated. I focused and attepmted to clear my mind, I simply could not stop my mind racing, the meditation wasn't working. I opened my eyes and several inches in front of me a shadow person grinned and grabbed my arm. I jumped. <br> <br> This wasn't my first time in contact with what call the 'crazy eye children'. I had named them the first time I had come in contact with them in a trip of course. That first time I met them in the middle of the woods, they carried spears and surronded me. However that was another trip another story, and I already wrote a report on that one. These shadow-people however seemed much more developed then any other ones I had come in contact with. But more importantly these I could simply not will away. <br> <br> An hour and a half goes by of constantly having to watch these beings mock and grab at me. I was getting very nervous and restless. I wanted them away. T's sister had left us some xanax to take to knock us out when we wanted to sleep. I took a half one and within half an hour the hallucinations had slightly died but they were still there. I knew my trip was over, I had had a great night, but now all that remained was the leftover mindgame of a tired-out subconscious. It was as if the sub-consciousness got sleepy and decided to give up its creativity in exchange for the repeated hallucination of a group of people in shadows popping out of every wall. I told T it was about time we crash. We had been tripping a solid eight hours, it was six am and we needed sleep. I remember us popping two more xanax. I looked over at him and he was completely knocked out, his eyes even still looked open. <br> <br> Last thing I remember doing was looking at the wall and finally seeing noone there to laugh at me. I closed my eyes, and then it felt like two minutes before I opened them again. It was 3pm, I was groggy but refreshed and I was full of new energy and spirit. I was very disappointed in myself that I couldn't will the crazy eye children away, but overall I was very happy and satisfied with our trip. Apon waking me and T discussed our wanting to trip again. <br> <br> I think its important to note that this trip could have taken a totally different route had I continued along the self-introspective trip that I felt coming on early in the trip. I'm glad I didn't go that way as those trips have been the most powerful, significant yet scary moments in my life. I had one a whole few months ago and I still don't feel ready to go there again. Me and T are planning to trip again very soon, and I plan on going the fun 'outer' trip instead of an introspective trip again. It makes for a fun night.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 68354</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 21, 2012</td><td>Views: 11,936</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=68354&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=68354&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cannabis (1) : General (1), Combinations (3), Nature / Outdoors (23), Music Discussion (22), Hangover / Days After (46), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 tablets</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I began using LSD in 1970, after a high-school acquaintance introduced me to someone who sold it right on campus. So I bought my first dose of LSD from a fellow student who had “Purple Microdot” stashed in his locker. My first experience with LSD was anticlimactic because I took a very small amount. Using a razor blade, I cut the one tablet I bought roughly in half, and then I halved it again, so that I only ingested about 1/4th of the tablet. I gave a friend a quarter of the tablet as well. He may have gotten more of the drug than I did because I really didn’t experience anything all that remarkable while he seemed to be somewhere in the stratosphere. He couldn’t even talk intelligibly to describe what was happening with him. <br> <br> The first LSD trip that brought on hallucinations occurred a couple of months later. I had bought a variety of the drug called “Orange Sunshine,” cut it in half and swallowed one of the halves. Within about 45 minutes to an hour, I began to see some incredible things, and I finally understood what people were talking about when they described seeing complex, pulsating geometric designs in bright day-glow colors and so forth. That evening, when I looked at the random designs painted on the ceiling of my bedroom, the textures in the paint began to form into very ornate geometric patterns that appeared to be 3-dimensional and swirling slowly into circles and vortexes. I saw very similar designs in my mind when I closed my eyes, except the colors were starker and more vibrant. The trip lasted about 6 hours, and I never left my bedroom. I just listened to music and watched the swirling, pulsating patterns and vibrant colors unfolding in my mind. And I saw some astounding things with my eyes closed before it was over. <br> <br> I enjoyed this experience immensely because I had never seen anything so beautiful and wondrous as the visions my imagination poured forth, so I began “experimenting” with LSD more frequently. I began to take a whole tablet at one time to ratchet up the intensity of the trip, and I began to love the LSD experience and look forward to repeating it whenever I was able to “score” the drug from someone selling it in my neighborhood. I thought the LSD experience was incredibly profound, even though I was a naive teenager who didn't know much about the world, and eventually I lost my sense of caution about the possible effects of an overdose. I began to think that if one tablet brought on a really beautiful trip, taking two tablets at a time would give me an even more fantastic trip. Big mistake! <br> <br> I bought several tablets of Orange Sunshine from a friend who had gotten it in California, and one sunny Saturday afternoon, I swallowed two tablets and waited for the light show in my head to begin. About 45 minutes later, I was feeling the first effects of the drug, so I put on an album by the Jefferson Airplane and lay down on my bed, closing my eyes to see what would appear in my mind. By this time I was beginning to see colors and starkly beautiful geometric shapes and patterns with my eyes closed, more intense and beautiful than ever before. <br> <br> My visions seemed to react to the sound of the music I was listening to. Each instrument being played on the album caused a pattern and color that corresponded to that specific sound. The bass created deeper, darker colors, and the sound of the guitar brought forth “warmer” colors like red and orange. <br> <br> After a while – I don’t know how long – the music began to sound warped and somehow a little ominous, so I got up and went into the living room. By this time, however, some extremely intense hallucinations were beginning to form all around me, and I realized, with more than a little anxiety, that the LSD was affecting me more than I had expected. <br> <br> I turned on the television set, and on one of the channels was a narrator or emcee, looking straight at the camera and talking to the viewing audience. All of a sudden I had the impression that he was looking straight at me and talking to me personally, as if he knew I was watching the program and was not just part of a random, anonymous viewing public. He was directing his remarks to me specifically. Then I realized that this was an irrational thought, and that scared me because I wasn’t just having incredible hallucinations but was beginning to think in a weird way – to be prone to believing things that were impossible if looked at logically. <br> <br> The loss of control over my mind was alarming. It evoked an emotional response that seemed to intensify the garish colors and designs, which by this time were totally animated and looping around the living room in an ominous, threatening way. That scared the hell out of me, so I went outside, hoping to escape the hallucinations in the bright sunlight. It didn’t help. <br> <br> What I saw outside was a completely chaotic scene, with animated designs and geometric shapes bouncing all around,floating on lawns, drooping from trees and hovering above the asphalt street while moving in spirals. Real objects such as the cars on the street looked distorted and warped. <br> <br> At that point I thought I was losing my mind, in which case I would have to be institutionalized for the rest of my life because I was never going to be sane and rational again. I felt a tremendous sense of grief over what I had inadvertently done to myself, and I began crying as I paced up and down the street, trying to calm down and keep it together. One of my neighbors was outside, and he saw I was in an agitated state. I managed to tell him what was happening, and he drove me to one of the drug treatment centers that existed in Phoenix at the time. <br> <br> The drive seemed to take forever, even though it probably only took about 20 minutes in reality because the center was not that far from my neighborhood. When we finally arrived there, several young men with long hair were sitting on a stoop outside. My neighbor turned to me and said something like, “Goddamned Hippies, they ought to open up a hunting season on them, just like quail.” <br> <br> I immediatly came to believe that this drug treatment center was really a front for distributing drugs, and I was more than a little paranoid about going inside. A couple of the young men sitting outside saw me as I got out of my neighbor's car, and they seemed to know what was the matter with me. In fact, I assumed they knew I was high on LSD by the way they looked at me. <br> <br> I was escorted into one of the rooms, a place with oriental rugs on the floor - kind of a dark space that was meant to be peaceful and relaxing to people who were as stressed out as I was at the time. Two of the volunteer counselors in this room tried to make small talk with me by asking me my name, what I did for a living, whether I was still in high school, etc. I couldn’t answer them because I was having a great deal of difficulty forming words and holding onto them long enough to keep a rational train of thought and engage in a normal conversation. <br> <br> Though this place was supposed to be a place where I could get some help, it appeared menacing to me, and I wondered what these people talking to me had up their sleeve. I didn’t trust them to help me. And I could hardly tell them what was going on inside my head, so I sat in silence and just observed people coming and going on the other side of the room, wondering if they were high on LSD lie I was. I must have sat there like that for a couple of hours. In the meantime, the frightening and garish hallucinations began to subside and grow fainter. I felt a tremendous sense of relief because I then realized that I wouldn’t be insane the rest of my life. I was going to be OK. I felt like crying for joy. <br> <br> After a few more hours I was calmed down and rational enough to realize my parents would be looking for me, so I decided to walk home. I must have taken my shoes off at one point, though I didn’t remember doing it, because I couldn’t find them and had to walk home barefooted, The counselors wanted me to stay a while, but I assured them I was down from the peak of the trip and that I could make it home safely. <br> <br> It was a truly terrifying experience, the most panic I had ever felt in my life, I was shaken and exhausted when it was all over, but incredibly relieved to be back on planet earth where I belonged. You would think that would be the end of my LSD use, but I eventually began using it again after my fear of repeating the bad trip had subsided. I rationalized it and thought the bad trip was an overdose that I could avoid repeating if I again used more caution. <br> <br> I never again tried taking a large dose all at once. I didn’t want to repeat the experience, so I took smaller amounts of LSD, and those trips were relatively uneventful though quite colorful and thought provoking. I finally quit taking LSD altogether because it lost its allure. Each trip was so similar to the ones I had experienced before that the novelty wore off. The last time I used LSD was about 27 years ago, but my memory of the bad trip remains clear. I will never forget that night.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1970</td><td width="90">ExpID: 66222</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 4, 2012</td><td>Views: 28,043</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=66222&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=66222&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Nature / Outdoors (23), Music Discussion (22), Guides / Sitters (39), Hangover / Days After (46), Various (28)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(edible / food)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Here follows the events of my first acid trip in all its glory. For the purposes of this recollection I shall be C, and my tripping partner will be L. At the time we were both 18, the summer of 2007. Other characters such as J, P, and many others will be named as they appear. As a preface I will say that I had been trying to obtain a hallucinogen to experiment with for over 6 months. Prior to this my only experience with drugs had come from smoking copious amounts of marijuana for about a year and half, and a week prior to this experience I had take a half eighth of Psylocibin Mushrooms (with L) which resulted in my first mild psychedelic experience. Suffice to say LSD was a much larger experience on the whole. <br> <br> I acquired the acid at a party of all places. I had been talking to my friend L about our recent ‘shroom trip and a very strung out kid walked up to us and said, “hey man you wanna buy some acid?” Classic, I thought as he told me. Absolutely brilliant. I paid $20 for two hits on shock tarts. I was a little unsure about that but I could see the drops on them so I thought “well fuck why the hell not.” <br> <br> Exactly a week later, on a Saturday, my friend and I parked at a local elementary school. Yea that’s right a fucking elementary school. It was actually a pretty sweet spot because the woods behind the school were frequented by bikers and hikers out getting their kicks on the paths that lacerated the woods. We figured we pop the acid and spend 6 hours or so wandering in these woods looking for glorious things. It was actually a fairly good plan. We just didn’t realize how much walking this would actually entail. <br> <br> We parked the car and grabbed all manner of shit that we might need, stuffing our pockets with the stuff. Pipes, papers, weed, iPods, and any other shit that could help chill us out. We snapped into a smart march and made our way into the woods. My friend was getting antsy so I pulled out the acid. I looked at both shock tarts carefully. Red and green. I had really wished they were red and blue, I’m a big fan of the matrix. In any case I took the red one and put it on my tongue and he did likewise. There was no taste beyond the sugary sensation of the shock tarts. So here I was finally trying the fabled stuff that had inspired so many songs and powered a counter-culture movement. After about 3 minutes the stuff had dissolved in my mouth and I thought there’s nothing I could do to stop it at this point, I’m in for 12 hours. <br> <br> I really think that’s one of the great things about slow acting psychedelics. That waiting period before they kick in gives me time to accept the fact that I'm in for a ride before the mental distortion kicks in. I sort of resigned myself to my upcoming fate, even if it is only temporary. <br> <br> Anyways so at this point we’re walking through the woods and it’s about 11:00am. I remember these times very clearly because they seemed like the most important things in the world at the time. We began walking and L told me what to expect because he had done it once before and I settled in to wait. We walked past all manner of shit along the bike trails: old bikes, a rusted car, a washing machine all kinds of shit that just shouldn’t have been there. Slightly disappointing but hey you can’t let stuff get you down. <br> <br> The first moment when I began to feel the effects was when we sat down to rest on some bike jumps. They were real big things that the bikers around my town keep up very meticulously. I was on a bank of sorts and my friend on a taller more normal looking jump when I realized that I was expected a stoned feeling, when I should be expecting something more similar to my mushroom trip the week prior. I looked hard up at the leaves and as I leaned my head back I did feel a bit of a rush up my spine…but maybe I imagined it. Either way this got me pumped and I jumped up and clapped my hands. “Bro let’s get going!” I said. L consented and we began walking more vigorously through the woods. I figured I wasn’t tripping and I needed a little bit of help so I pulled out my iPod, but it on mono and put one headphone in so that I could still listen to L talk. <br> <br> The choice of what song to listen to was agonizing, not because I was tripping yet, but because I take my drugs seriously (perhaps a folly of mine). I finally settled on a one two punch of “Somebody to Love” and “White Rabbit” both by Jefferson Airplane. This was a GOOD decision. Somebody to love made me feel pumped, and White Rabbit absolutely weirded me out. In a good way. You know how it is. <br> <br> So L gets this powerful thirst and we’re at our first point of crisis since dropping. L says he is feeling the acid a little but we need to find water really badly. We didn’t bring any with us which was a big mistake as it was probably 95+ degrees out. After much deliberation we decided that we would simply walk back to the elementary school and use an outdoor water fountain. I think I really like that about acid. When I'm in trip mode I really sort of use Occam’s razor as a decision making process: the simplest solution is probably the best. So we walked the half mile back to the elementary school. <br> <br> It was between those jumps and the school when I began to feel the effects of my LSD. We came up the crest of the hill, and a set of power-lines that snaked along the side of the bike path (which at this point was wide enough to accommodate a truck) seemed to stretch on forever. It was as if the horizon was farther away than should ever be allowed by a rational sane world. The puddles along the side of the path were quite brown. Very, very brown actually. <br> <br> At one point we saw a small toad on the side of the path and L and I stopped and debated for a short time on whether or not the toad was actually there. The conversation started as a joke about how some people expect the impossible while tripping but turned into a conversation and investigation into existentialism and what I like to think of as “theory of communication.” After such an intense discussion my mind was pretty much in overdrive thinking an analyzing. I find that a trip is best with alternating moments of analytical thought and pure feeling and “being in the moment” and not thinking anything. Of course at the moment I had no idea that this was a good thing and I was just happy to be having such deep emotionally stirring thoughts. <br> <br> The next thing I saw was absolute beauty. I live in North Carolina, which is known for its red clay dirt. As I walked onto the campus of this small elementary school the ground was covered in red clay, small grey and black pebbles, and blue gravel. No painting ever had more beautiful colors than that red, grey, black and blue. LSD is amazing like that. That’s what I tell people when they ask me about it. “What’s it like man?” Everything is beautiful I tell them. <br> <br> Anyways we went and got our water from a water fountain, which had a drowned cockroach in the bottom. Pretty gross but we were desperate. We walked down to one of the playgrounds and marveled at the colors of the play structures there for a while until we were interrupted by a group of small children (very strange as it was a weekend and they had nobody supervising them). I think some stuff happened to fill the next half hour but it’s unclear to me now. Eventually we had decided that we needed to walk to Weaver Street (a local organic foods market full of stoned hippies). The only problem was its distance, something like 3 miles away (I was so amazed by the distance we walked that day I calculated it using Google earth, the school was 2.86 miles by the path we took). Once again we marveled at the ridiculousness of modern society. Why shouldn’t we walk a few miles to obtain foodstuffs, it was done by our ancestors for millions of years. So we walked. And we discussed how certain themes in music and literature reflected this “traveling mindset” that we were experiencing. The only example I can think of at the moment is “Ramble On” by Led Zeppelin. <br> <br> So there we trekked, over hills and along roads, along railroads, under bridges and over creeks. We finally arrived at a park where we walked through a family reunion with a good deal of African Americans people and fried chicken. It was pretty funny at the time. Anyways when we got to this park I experienced one of my most amazing hallucinations of the trip. There was a large American sycamore across from the bench we were sitting upon and I pulled on L’s arm “holy shit dude look at that!” The bark of this tree was literally slithering up and down and melting into the ground. The movement was just like watching lava flow, but over the surface of the tree. I looked at the ground and the grass sparkled and flowed as though underwater. I looked up and my whole field of vision swam like…an octopus’ garden in the shade. Don’t know if that’s what Lennon was going for, but it’s sure as hell how I felt (I make that analogy in retrospect). <br> <br> The next part of the adventure involved walking into the bathroom at this park, which was not only dirty but had no light. As I walked in and the door close behind me rushing sounds emanated around my head and my vision became very enclosed and narrow. I placed my hands under the running water in the sink and splashed some over my face. I cannot describe what I felt because I forgot it just a moment later, but let it suffice to say it was intense. <br> <br> I emerged back into the light and things really began to break down in terms of what I remember. Time got very jumpy as we walked across another parking lot and began walking into town. For some reason I did not get paranoid as we walked along a fairly main artery into town. L began to speak of the absurdity of large SUV’s and how they should be made illegal and whatnot (granted we saw more hybrids than we saw SUV’s in our town, but L is very passionate about such things). At one point in this conversation he uttered the words that stuck with me forever “cars are so loud and unfortunate.” It was at that moment that my entire worldview changed and I’m pretty sure I’ve never been the same. I can’t explain how, it was a very subtle change. But violent movies aren’t quite as appealing anymore, angry music seems immature, anger in general is bizarre, and television commercials and the way people act on them seem downright strange. I feel as though it retuned my bullshit detector to high. <br> <br> We finally made it to Weaver Street, and after a quick stint walking inside, which resembled very much walking around in an aquarium, we exited with some sushi and mixed wheat grass drinks or something nasty like that. We ate and drank quickly but remarked later that we hadn’t really been hungry. While we ate I began hearing a bizarre “whooov” noise in my left ear which I convinced myself was a hallucination because I didn’t want to turn my head and look “sketchy.” Well this of course was ridiculous and I looked and saw that it was a young mother on the lawn where we were sitting, blowing over the surface of an empty bottle to make that very distinct noise to entertain her child. I had a moment of connection with her where we locked eyes, and I was sure she knew I was tripping, and that she had tripped before. She gave me a smile and as I turned back to L I said “dude lets get out of here.” The ground wiggled to reinforce my decision. <br> <br> Earlier in the day walking around my elementary school while undergoing such profound leaps of perception had been very eye opening, and had brought about something of what Tim Leary and his Ilk would call “ego death.” In light of this L wanted to visit his elementary school so, being the liberating walking-light-beings that we were at the time, we decided to go. We had a small mishap crossing the street on the way there, but drivers here are nice and break for absent minded professors from the local university, so had no problems stopping for some local acid freaks either. We arrived at the school and spent a good deal of time staring at the tables and grass. I talked to a friend on the phone briefly and he agreed to pick us up later that evening when we were done tripping. We lay in the grass for a while and watched the clouds float in one direction, and then stop and race back the way they had come. Bark still crawled on the tree if one looked at it hard enough and other weird shit continued to happen. This detour added a good half mile to our return journey to bringing the total distance we had walked up to 5 miles. <br> <br> The next half hour or so was spent in intense deep conversation about life and the universe and the next thing we knew we were back at the elementary school which we had started at. The route we took was very indirect and involved a lot of walking around in the woods making our total distances for the day an eventual 8 miles. We walked around the school again marveling at how gravel showing through imperfections in the concrete would swim like the stars in a galaxy (seriously that is the only way to describe it). Anyways this continued for another half hour or so until I rolled a joint that was pretty much the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Again. We both talked to our parents on the phone (a difficult task) and waited for our ride to come pick us up. A guy name J who I had talked to on the phone earlier and a girl P (who has recently had her own amazing acid experiences, but at this time had not even considered it) picked us up and brought us back to J’s house. <br> <br> We were terrified of having to face his parents, but when they said hi to us it really wasn’t that bad. Once in his room everything sort of ended. I kept trying to make stuff move with my mind but it was mostly over. The only moment when I felt it again was when about 10 people walked into that same room later after L went to pick them up (he was “good to drive” at this point). I could feel their combined energy wash over me. The rest of the night consisted of smoking massive amounts of dank marijuana and listening to chill music. I talked to some other people who had tripped at other times and we shared experiences. In the immortal words of General Tarken: This will be a day long remembered.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 66912</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 22, 2012</td><td>Views: 17,836</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=66912&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=66912&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">5 drops</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This was written 24 hours after the trip started. May 2009.<br> <br> J and I took roughly 5 or 6 diluted drops of the acid each, A took 1 diluted and D took 1 1/2 sticks of gum with 1 1/2 hits not diluted. J took 2 at the same time as A and D, while I took 1 and through the day J and I kept the vial and continued to drop on our hands and tongues. A and D stayed on campus all day and J and I drove out to the desert canyon in Taos se llama Diablo. Driving in, there was a lot of road construction in progress, and a black pipeline was being installed underground alongside the road and on past the canyon to the right. The tube was pretty much as straight as it could be for such a long construction.<br> <br> <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br> <br> We started our hike by climbing the incline around the side of a hill at the mouth of the canyon and continued around the edge until we came to a cliff, which seemed to open out into the rest of the enormous basin. Then we turned back and left at sunset. J was taking photos and I was sketching in my sketchbook as we were coming up, not knowing whether or not we would trip too hard. I had brought along my didgeridoo and at moments when it was easy for me to catch my breath and recline, I would alternate between playing didgeridoo, throat singing, whistling, and any combination of the three.<br> <br> Recently after having experimented with Tuvan throat singing while under the influence of THC and various hallucinogens including: Salvia, Psilocybin, LSD, and DMT, I realized that no matter what substance I inebriate myself with, the throat singing is such a natural sobering process that it cuts through literally anything. I lay down with eyes closed or open and become as relaxed and impervious to distraction as possible, and see no visuals, experience no abnormal bodily sensations, and no distortion of reality or the sounds I am creating. I have recreated this experiment various times at different points of the day and the results are the same. What I experienced yesterday was completely consciousness-expanding in every way.<br> <br> We walked around a bit, we took our time and stopped at various different vantage points around the top of the canyon. I played didgeridoo periodically, but mostly we were trying to get out further and see more so we spent the majority of the first few hours walking, sitting down every once in a while at a place that was calm (there were few still areas, mostly everywhere was rushing wind,) and smoked some marijuana while we took in the scenery. There were no other people that we could tell were out there.<br> <br> I went out on a rock ledge hanging at the top of a cliff and brought my didgeridoo. I found a crevice the size of my body with arms outstretched holding the didgeridoo at various different angles for reverb. I looked straight up through the narrow crags of rocks above me and saw a jet flying in front of the sun, and a bird flying below it, all within the same line of vision. I looked down and saw 3 different cascading landscapes declining to the canyon floor where a tiny vehicle was stopping and two ant-like figures were emerging.<br> <br> I completely lost myself. I was in the middle of the depths of space created by man and nature, with his technological achievements aiding his conquest of extreme distance both high above nature and deep below it. All was in alignment with the sun and the momentary vertigo of imagining the sun being stationary in relation to all of these objects spinning almost with a clocklike precision in the trajectory of their centripetal force in their orbit around the sun. At this moment I was not only motionless, but because of my extremely relaxed breathing that is required for didgeridoo/throat singing, I felt like I was completely at home in this place of intersecting planes and holons.<br> <br> After that experience I needed to get back on solid ground, and quickly. I tried getting the didgeridoo up on top of the rock I’d climbed down from, but J wasn’t there so I waited a little while for him to come back so that I could climb back up again. While waiting I experienced some very anxious feelings of slight vertigo and fear of losing my footing. Once I got back on the ground I felt much better and invigorated. I drew a note in my sketchbook about theremins and sine waves versus triangle waves. <br> <br> We smoked a little and walked around some more, occasionally he’d stop to take pictures and I to sketch the scenery. I realized after the first cliff experience that this was going to be a very fun trip. The next hill/cliff we came to seemed much larger than the last, we climbed to the top of it and I stood momentarily at the highest point and tried to take in all my surroundings at once, but got vertigo very bad and had to lay down. I don’t remember how much time we spent there, but we left our bag and shirts by that hill and continued with our sunglasses, didgeridoo, and marijuana.<br> <br> I’m having trouble putting the cliffs in the right order in my memory but I’m pretty sure we came to the next one and saw it was like planes of bedrock twisting up from the ground like a waffle cone or cinnamon sticks, layers of different colored stone in gradients that were vibrant enough to touch. The wind tunnel created by all of these obtuse angles was one that visibly had ripped a fully-grown tree out from under the stones it had grown in between, and twisted and warped the bark of a closer, much older tree. At the top of this marvelous formation was a near-perfect spiral ascending to the uppermost point.<br> <br> We climbed this, and I got very freaked out at the top, this cliff was different in that it not only was at a distance away from the main upper plateau, and thus elevationwise, was isolated from any other high points, but it was very peculiarly shaped, for such a spire-shaped abutment. Closer inspection of the structural framework beneath this rock showed that it had practically erupted from the ground in an almost shell-like spiral, with intersecting planes the entire height of the rock, so at odds with each other that I started to think I was standing completely perpendicular to the orientation of gravity.<br> <br> Playing the didgeridoo here was probably the most unnerving experience I had had so far. I went from climbing near-vertical cliff face, to straddling seemingly loose foundational boulders and losing my breath due to the fear of dying as a result of some vertigo-induced malplacement of my appendages, to reclining as comfortably as I could afford on the edge of some jagged rocks on the brink of complete gravity distortion while I lay my head back and attempted to feel completely at home, sober, and calm as I throat sang and waved my didge around.<br> <br> The resulting effect was one of laying horizontal on a surfboard while riding the pipeline of a standing wave of solid rock and air pressure flowing in every direction with a 10,000 year cresting period. While blowing through the didgeridoo as it was pointed downward directly at the wind tunnel forcing its way up, it took a large amount of force to move the air downward. The personal reenactment of the hero’s journey in every moment of this trip was evident. After a long time trying to become comfortable on this amazingly complex and disorienting environment, we walked down to a valley and made our way to the final, very large hill at the edge of the cliff.<br> <br> Near the bottom of this valley we picked a spot under a bush where it was nice and shady to relax, smoke, and then meditate. We were situated to the left of a large, living bush and to the right of a slightly smaller, completely dead bush. The shadow from the living bush covered us and most of the dead bush, so I assumed it was the living bush’s greed for light that extinguished the life of the now-dead bush. Luckily, we nomadic homo sapiens escaped the destructive power of the bush’s shadow quick enough to continue our journey.<br> <br> While meditating in lotus position, the two of us tried spine-straightening techniques as well as very deep breathing that I exercise in my didgeridoo playing and throat singing. We were amazed by the complexities of the living and dead branches and fractal, spiral, self-referential, self-organizing patterns in the bushes, and remarked how the pattern would be much more complex if the individual points were aware of themselves and therefore also of the other points. I closed my eyes briefly and saw spiraling waves cascading around each other, we imagined an old person trying to paraphrase their life to a young person in three words, and deduced the most mathematically all-encompassing phrase would be: Spirals and waves.<br> <br> When we both tried the lotus position, I experienced after a brief period when closing my eyes, the sight of a field of spheres arranged in a triangle, and each near-diamond shape between the spheres was filled with fractal, self-organizing patterns with a spiral to each. I experienced being reborn into my body very mildly and comfortably. I felt an incredibly compassionate feeling in my chest as I sensed I was vanishing back into nature.<br> <br> I played around with a dry stick and easily broke all the tiny branches off of it in a fluid mental and physical process. I held the stick between my fingers and tried to enjoy the tactile sensation of its bark against my increasingly sensitive fingertips to the point where I forgot I was there. I practiced focusing my eyes on as close a detailed picture of the stick in front of me as I could see, because my focus was all thrown off by the cliffs I had just experienced. The focusing process was very slow, but it was an excellent meditation. By the time I was done I was sure that I was at least slightly more able to see the stick, clearly, as it truly was.<br> <br> We talked and smoked for a good while, and the breeze picked up so strongly that I experienced chills through my body. It was unbelievably refreshing and energizing, in combination with the lotus position, which in combination with the LSD, was like a battery of energy just charging up. I have read up and found out that meditation and yoga have been scientifically proven to reverse the aging process on our bodies and minds. This is clearly evident during the strenuous process of rock climbing, which requires all the muscles in the body to be tensed, as well as flexible, in order to shift energy to any necessary point. I have found that doing yoga while under the influence of a psychedelic is extremely calming and enlightening because it controls what I see and feel and helps guide it in a positive direction, while also eliminating restlessness, which is a crucial point to achieving an effective meditation session. <br> <br> This time, my body did not naturally crave the yoga as it usually does, because the need to cautiously and controllably conduct my body’s movements was fulfilled by the rock climbing and only brief stretches were needed to achieve a continual state of positively flowing circulation, respiration, and subsequently, cognition.<br> <br> Time flew by underneath that bush, neither of us remembered how long it had been, but eventually we got up and made our way up the next hill, where we found 3 or 4 large cone-shaped piles of stones on top of the largest boulders sticking out from a corner in the cliffs. This was apparently the climax of many people’s hikes, and I speculated that the accumulated energy of the other cliffs and hills that were necessary to pass over in order to get to this point self-manifested in the form of people’s motivation to build organized natural sculptures at this place. I placed one small stone at the top of one of the pyramids and recognized the significance of my earlier premonition of a pyramid made out of spheres.<br> <br> To the one side that we had not seen yet, was a near-endless expanse of interweaving riverbeds and rock formations, covered in greenery. Also the very end of the man-made pipeline we had seen earlier. Either it was not designed to extend any further, or it was not visible to us on the mountain that the remainder of the pipe was underground from that point on. Plateaus and more cliffs, ravines, and crevices continued to our left, and on the horizon in every direction, the rocky mountains of New Mexico merged with the haze and clouds in the distance. In front of one range, the city of Los Alamos was visible, and in the opposite direction, the mountainous Sangre de Cristo range adjacent to Santa Fe was visibly still capped with snow.<br> <br> When we headed back, we touched upon many of the same spots, though the experience was obviously very different and equally as enlightening. The sun was now going down and we still had the urge to gloriously take our time in leaving, stopping to rest in many different places, but not smoking very often.<br> <br> When we went back to the cliff at which we had left our bag, I tried standing on the highest point again and was able to take it for a few more seconds this time, before losing my confidence and scrambling back to a more stable place. I tried leaning back to play the didgeridoo on this rock, but the sight of the entire canyon behind me flailing around was seriously messing with the fluids in my inner ears so I had to close my eyes in order to relax enough to play the didgeridoo. After about a minute of playing my breath just wasn’t becoming relaxed enough so I stopped and let J try and play. Everyone who tries playing the didgeridoo the first time can’t stop laughing once they figure it out because their lung capacity only provides for short flatulent-sounding bursts of air. This kept us both amused for a while. <br> <br> The rest of the trip had brief instances of intense deja vu as we passed certain flowering cacti that we recognized from earlier, and approached a rock formation that both of us had been to earlier at 2 separate occasions, which caused us to reassess our insect-like role in the dynamic homeostasis of nature. As we came nearer this formation, we were descending a lightly curved plane that became more complex as it neared the edge of the canyon, and on the other side in perfect alignment with this complexity, more stones seemed to come closer and form a bridge across the gap to the plateau facing us. As we slowly shifted our gaze drawing nearer the illusion seemed to become more and more real, and other possible canyons emerged in between points on the ground that could easily have been separated by a large distance, but in actuality were continuously connected.<br> <br> After walking a little further, we approached an almost garden-like area, surrounded by a semicircular natural retaining wall of black rocks, in the center of which was the only single aloe plant we had seen on the entire journey, and it was blooming with beautiful yellow flowers. It was very zen-like and psychedelic. After getting slightly lost on the way back down, we eventually found roughly the same path we used to ascend the first hill, walked down, and I felt like the gravity of the mountains was displacing my body to a lower, more natural and stable center on the flat ground. Of all the surfing analogies that come up during an acid trip, this was the most intense, because as we were coming up, we were impatiently climbing the mountains, and by the time we came back down to the ground, we were so calmed and tired and satisfied it was like we had just surfed over the tops and backs of all these cresting waves and exchanged our energy with that of the ancient in the rocks, and the novel in the sunlight. We came back and rode the length of the pipeline out onto the pavement again, bringing the only linear aspect of the trip full circle.<br> <br> We drove back to see what A and D were doing. Apparently even though they had taken far less than J and I, they both had excellent and fulfilling experiences, so we decided we still had a lot left. This trip had so many elements to it, when trying to imagine a picture in my memory to associate with this entire experience, so much uncertainty is waving around associated with the amazing distances and sensations I opened my mind to, that it’s impossible to nail down a single true exemplifying experience.<br> <br> The scopes I explored were groundbreaking and not a single moment was anything short of uplifting and instructional. The mathematical elements, spirals, waves, lines, circles, spheres, triangles, pyramids, cones, and so on were so varied and diverse but all seemed connected. Yin and Yang were constantly present and continually showed me their ever-complex relationships and ever-present balance. I saw very little wildlife apart from birds and insects, plantlife was very diverse and included grasses, trees, bushes, flowers, and succulents, and the contrasts between the deep red earth tone and the bright, translucent yellow-green of the grass in the sun were in such high contrast and such equal distribution that we were both constantly astounded by what we were seeing. Dead trees as well as living ones fascinated us with their organic forms and vibrant yet somehow pastel colors. The light from the sun gave everything a shine during the day and a glow at dusk such that the reflected light was at once bright white and clear and rosy pink with a hint of blue. Imagining the canyon being turned upside down in my sleep and the next day I get flashbacks of slight vertigo. I am still in the process of reflecting on this experience.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 78686</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: May 1, 2012</td><td>Views: 10,971</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=78686&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=78686&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Yoga / Bodywork (202), Music (457), Meditation (128), Breathing (470), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Nature / Outdoors (23), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">250 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance">Pharms - Lamotrigine </td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> (note: I've removed all gendered pronouns and initials regarding those who were with me at the time; this is conscious, with apologies for any bad grammar as a result. I've referred to them by roles - Guide, partner, Synesthete, and Philosopher.) <br> <br> First, a few facts about me that might shed some light on what happened; the rest is experiences, thoughts, and actions, but the facts are relevant here. I'm 22, diagnosed bipolar type II nearly two years ago, and taking 250 mg of Lamictal once per day. I am also on hormonal birth control (a monocyclic), though this was on the last day of my 'off' week. Other than the Lamictal, the LSD was the only foreign psychoactive that I introduced into my body that weekend. I wrote this about 34 hours after taking the LSD. <br> <br> Why did I take LSD for the first time when the risks are large for bipolar folks? I was curious, honestly. My parents were very open about drug use - my sister took many things before going entirely sober - so I had no negative stigma to work through. I hoped to get some insight (in both the psychiatric and spiritual senses) into my illness, and to see what, if any, effects the LSD would have that I couldn't duplicate or find in a manic state. I got all of these things out of it, and more. <br> <br> Before deciding to take LSD with trusted friends, I delved into research. I was particularly concerned about the interaction between Lamictal and LSD; I know (as much as I trust other peoples' experiences) that Depakote, another popular bipolar anticonvulsant, can attenuate the effects of LSD substantially, and I know that lithium can cause serious convulsions and grand mal seizures. Lamictal was approved for treating bipolar disorder in 2003, so there are very few writings of people taking it concurrently with LSD; in fact, I had a great deal of trouble finding any experiences of medicated bipolar patients taking LSD, because apparently most of them are perhaps wiser than I. The mechanism of action for Lamictal is unknown (though sodium channel mechanisms are suspected), but serotonin doesn't seem to be strongly affected, so I decided that it was probably not going to end too badly as long as I kept my mind free of fear, stress, and anxiety. Lamictal's half-life is short, so there was no question of going off it that weekend. <br> <br> I was offered the chance to try LSD at the start of January; it took me nearly three weeks to make my decision. These weeks involved consulting with other (unmedicated) bipolars familiar with many drugs as well as my partner, who is not inclined to try such things. The other three people who were to travel with me were all more experienced than I, one of them quite experienced, and were all people I had known for more than four years, two of them my current housemates. This particular set of LSD had been tested already with many people, so we knew the batch was pure and of a reasonable strength - definitely a plus for me. <br> <br> I am very thankful to Erowid for providing such a wealth of information; I was able to read up on experiences, side effects, time courses, and the like, and was able to mentally prepare myself. I do believe that going in without preparation would have probably been a disaster; as it was, things ended well, but there were some tense moments. The advice to breathe, let things go as they would, and remember at bad times that 'this, too, shall pass,' was exceptionally helpful. <br> <br> We spent Friday and Saturday cleaning up the house and the chosen room to avoid bad associations. I'd been having a bad week at work, but I worked very hard to avoid stressing out and triggering a bipolar episode; this included stress relievers such as lots of hot showers, meditation, and deep breathing and also avoidance of stressors in general. My housemates prepared one bedroom for the trip - futons on the floor with bright Indian-patterned covers, pictures on the wall, music, colored lights, incense, and the lot. They took time to answer my questions - would I eat or drink? What would we do? - and asked me questions of their own - how much would I like to be guided? What kind of music did I prefer? I am quite grateful. It turned out that the non-housemate was ill that weekend and so avoided partaking, but came and sat with us as a sober Guide who was nonetheless very capable of seeming tripping when that was helpful. I found Guide's presence very soothing. <br> <br> We opted to take the LSD at 1300 on Sunday. On Sunday morning, I awoke after a reasonable amount of sleep, made pancakes, and took a long hot shower to relax and focus myself. Although I understood that food might be problematic, my metabolism wants calories every few hours, so stocking up seemed like a wise choice. Based on my inexperience and possible medication interactions, I opted to take half of a hit to start with. I ended up taking the other half around 1500, after feeling no adverse effects but also being somewhat bored with the proceedings. I had lost sense of time at that point, so Guide helped bring me the other half after querying me over a half-hour period as to when I wanted more. I did keep a watch on my person - otherwise my clothing was loose and my hair up, as per advice - mostly on the off chance that I needed it to help regain my sense of time - but it was only occasionally helpful. <br> <br> By about 1400 things were starting to go somewhere. I stared for some ten minutes at a piece of ramen left on the mattress, and began to realize things were more than just my imagination - something I was somewhat nervous about - when I lost the feeling of connectedness to my right arm. Things also started being very funny and oddly connected; very much like the feeling of free association that comes with bipolar mania, but without the speed and pressured speech. It was helpful to realize that the overlap of symptoms was present but the main drive behind them (energy and mood) wasn't. This helped me remove some negative feelings towards free association, which I think is a good thing. The music was very helpful - I'm strongly musical and would go insane without it in general life - and helped calm me down. <br> <br> I started having some distress when we went to go explore the world of cheese. Synesthete, who appears to prefer using LSD to explore the senses, synesthesia, and the like, offered me some. I became quite distressed at the fact that I couldn't eat it. I had lost my sense of appetite - not a need to eat, but simply the awareness that eating was possible, let alone necessary - and I had forgotten how to chew and swallow, so I feared to eat lest I stop breathing (and trigger an asthma attack). Lying back on the futons on a pillow, next to Guide, I began to mildly freak out about the loss of chewing ability. <br> <br> I became fully aware that the drug was doing something (not just my mind, but the LSD itself) when I noticed the walls throbbing and breathing. A batik hanging on the wall breathed in and out, swirling colors - it was beautiful but honestly at that time a bit much. I spent a lot of time staring out the window at the snow, noticing the rainbow patterns, and moving around to see if changing my physical position might help with my mental distress. I was aware at that point that if I let myself freak out any further I would probably trigger a very bad mood episode; the part of my brain that observes my behavior (that psychiatric insight again, I call it 'the observer') was tripping just as much as the rest of me, and was hence less help than I'd hoped. I tried to relax, keeping the advice in mind - let it go, go with the flow, and remember that this isn't infinite, though it may seem that way. <br> <br> At some point Guide suggested that we try moving the mouse to show the screensaver on Guide's laptop, pictures of a bike trip. I found those exceptionally calming; I am very comforted by nature, and having seen the pictures before found them relaxing. My distress evaporated at that point and I began to lie back and enjoy the effects of the LSD. Philosopher's pictures on the wall, black and white prints from an art class, shaded back and forth from printer black and white to gelatin silver in various tones - truly beautiful - and I saw a chrysanthemum flowering on the white ceiling. Tracers began appearing, as well, and rainbow floaters - I spent time moving my hands to watch them. My sense of time was truly gone at this point; I watched my watch for pure amusement's sake, and felt that I had never done anything besides lie in the room and stare at beautiful things. <br> <br> Our musical choices cycled - at one point Synesthete became unhappy because the music 'had knives,' so we switched to more ambient things. There was some Delirium, comforting because I knew the CD in and out, and other things that I was unfamiliar with - the Boards of Canada ('Aquarius' sticks in my mind - orange, yeah, that's right), as I was sitting on an orange pillow), Jethro Tull later on, and more. I mostly sat and watched things, reveling in a loss of sensation of time and a general feeling of intense euphoria. Certainly there were times when I was more or less euphoric, but I was never bored and, after the beginning, never distressed. I am quite thankful to my Guide and my housemates for making my first experience a trusting one. <br> <br> Around 1800 I began to be hungry - well, somewhat. My stomach hurt (a key clue!), but I had no sense of food and thought I might live on sunbeams. The Guide and my own slight sense of self told me to go seek calories and try patiently to eat. I ran into my partner, who had been trying to avoid us all day, but found us entertaining and fun to play with. My partner fed me various things - juice, dried fruits, nuts, and made me smell spices and teas and describe my thoughts on them. We apparently amused each other, and I did get enough food into me. At some point I felt a slight desire to go back to the music room and did so, happy that I was able to affect my environment and avoid any distress. <br> <br> Guide left around 2000, going home to rest and recuperate, after being satisfied that I was taking well to the LSD and was unlikely to have further issues. After some more time spent relaxing and briefly talking metaphysics and photography with Philosopher (who seems to be as quiet on LSD as otherwise, and particularly very introspective), I came to the realization that I wanted to be both Philosopher and Synesthete - Philosopher's introspection and thinking, Synesthete's exploration of the world with newfound senses. I spent much time staring at the ceiling and seeing beautiful rainbow patterns and knotwork. I wasn't convinced that this was the One Universal Answer, but I found myself at tears anyways because of the wonderful unearthly beauty of things. A quiet ecstasy. <br> <br> Around 2100 Philosopher and Synesthete asked if I would be okay for the remainder of the trip, expecting that I was coming down somewhat; I was unconvinced of my coming down (though they were right, as I found by comparing effects to earlier experiences) - I believe they wanted to go someplace private and experience each other, which didn't bother me at all. They left me the room (Philosopher's, as it happened) and the music. I found myself a bit at a loss for musical choices, so I spent a lot of time staring at the floor-to-ceiling mirror in Philosopher's room. I had been warned about self-esteem and mirrors, and had avoided them earlier, but found now that they were a very powerful tool for me. The mirror showed me how much I cared for myself and shored up my self-esteem in new and wonderful ways - definitely a big help at the time and one that I hope stays with me. <br> <br> At that point I began being a bit at a loss for activities, and so sought out my partner, asking for pretty pictures; I wanted to look at more pictures of nature. We eventually discussed synesthesia before adjourning with me to the kitchen, where we made delicious cookies and talked about my experiences thus far, what I had felt, and my hopes for the rest of the trip. I was very labile at that point, and could go anywhere mentally depending on what I heard and saw. <br> <br> I was definitely still tripping - it had only been 10 hours - but I was coming down at this point, and it was much less pleasant than the upswing and middle plateau. I was tense all over, and therefore sore as though someone had beaten me with a baseball bat (perhaps due to my chronic pain syndrome?), and in particular my jaw (which I'd read about and hence wasn't particularly stressed by) was as tense as all - light massage and a hot shower helped with both, but sleep was more restorative. I spent a lot of time pacing and dancing to the music we put on - last.fm's Chill-Out station - as we made cookies. Synesthete came out, affirmed that I had done the right thing by seeking out my partner, and was ecstatic over the cookies (cardamom with chocolate). <br> <br> Around 0100 I started thinking about sleep, as I had work the next day, and I took a hot shower with my partner in the bathroom with me for company. I had a lot of trouble sleeping, and ended up doing so around 0300 with the light on; I nearly had a bad experience involving seeing lots of eyes in the darkness, but I had heard that darkness triggers such things sometimes and my partner was clever enough to make me turn the lights back on. At 0400 I woke up and realized I'd slept, and fell asleep again, sleeping it off until 0800. <br> <br> Today has been very strange - I feel half-awake, as in a dreamworld, due to lack of sleep, I think. Work was thankfully very rote, routine, and I had a lot of time to reflect and listen to music, which I did constantly from 0830 to 1500. I took a short nap, then saw my psychiatrist, who didn't appear to notice the lingering mental and physical effects. If he'd asked, I would have told him, but it seemed somewhat less relevant at that point, as the short nap had removed the last of the distressing physical symptoms. <br> <br> At this point I am feeling physically a little abused - I ate a very large, vitamin-heavy dinner - but generally pretty okay. And my mind is quiet, at peace, and has learned what it wanted to know - I know the conditions when I would want to do this again, and perhaps I shall someday - and I am in general much more at peace with my disorder than I have been for a while. We'll see how the coming weeks and months go, but above all I am grateful that I tried LSD. I got what I wanted out of it, and I also got a lot more - inner strength proven and an absolutely wonderful trip. I can't say that it was incredibly good, and it definitely wasn't bad, but 'what a long strange trip it's been!' Next time, if there is a next time - more music I know well, nature (a cabin in the woods makes sense now), and more things to look at and listen to. <br> <br> Thanks, world, people who make such things, my Guide, friends, partner, and all of you who wrote things that helped me prepare and achieve such a very incredible experience.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 68733</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 22</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: May 16, 2012</td><td>Views: 41,903</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=68733&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=68733&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Music Discussion (22), Guides / Sitters (39), Hangover / Days After (46), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I’d like to begin this report by telling you guys a little about myself. I am seventeen, take absolutely no medication, and have already experimented with a small variety of drugs such as marijuana, MDMA to a minor extent, and LSD. Although I have already dropped acid once, it was at a concert setting so I was not able to fully gauge the intensity of the trip due to the atmosphere, let alone enjoy it to the fullest. I was also with a friend who, even though is pretty funny, I am not too fond of. Before you decide not to read this, let me say that it truly felt like it was my first experience with the drug. Since that one time, I have always wanted to try it once more with a special person who I would be able to fully express my feelings and emotions with, while in a more comfortable setting. <br> <br> I have become increasingly close with my friend who moved here to Miami from New York about nine months ago; we’ll call her S for the remaining of the report. I pretty much consider her as a sister by this point. What gave me the idea to try it with her was a recurring dream that I had in which we both took it and biked through the forest and ended up in the most serene setting. In this vivid dream we both lied down on a long sloped grass hill with a large lake at the bottom while we watched the sun set behind the mountains (I have no idea where I even conceived this place considering there are no mountains anywhere near Miami). After this I told her about dream and asked her what she though about making it happen. She has not done any drugs before in her life, so I was surprised to hear that she was open to the idea. I assured her that the drug is not what the media portrays it to be, and that we would plan it out perfectly so that nothing could go wrong. Although she was originally going to try smoking weed before this, it never quite happened and I am actually pretty glad. She is the most active, hilarious girl I know, so I would hate to see her so lazy and out of it after smoking. I asked her to trust me about the misconceptions about LSD, and reassured her that everything would be ok. We planned to trip the next weekend. <br> <br> I was giddy with excitement on Sunday morning when I drove to her house to pick her up. Although we were both slightly nervous, we both had a great mindset because it was a beautiful day, and we had no obligations to take care of. Once we were at my house we prepared our backpacks with water, iced tea, sunglasses, an extra pair of clothes just in case anything happens, a bowl of mixed fruit, and headphones. Our plan was to bike over to a nearby nature trail and have a picnic by the lake. We went into my room, hesitantly placed the blotter tab on our tongues, waited for it to dissolve, and swallowed at precisely 1:40 P.M. We hugged each other in anticipation of the great adventure we were about to experience, and sat on the couch to watch TV while it kicked in. After about ten boring minutes we decide to just leave on our bike ride. <br> <br> My bike was previously making a really loud screeching noise but I fixed it by loosening a bolt near the front tire only slightly. We slowly pedaled on back roads just casually talking about what was to come. We both had that feeling of anticipation, that something was off but we couldn’t tell what just yet. As we neared the nature trail, we began to feel the first small effects. As an uncontrollable smile fell upon my face, everything seemed a little bit brighter and more beautiful. When we stopped to make sure we were heading in the right direction, I spotted one of those lizards that run on their hind legs. It was very similar to those “Jesus lizards” that run on water but it was over concrete. She didn’t see it so she sarcastically joked about me seeing things. As we arrived to the park, our first decision was to go through one of the trails. <br> <br> By the time we both got to the trail it had been about 50-60 minutes since we took it so it just started to hit us and the nature surrounding us was quite beautiful. By this time my bike had also started making the noises that I thought I had fixed earlier, but I did my best to ignore them. We rode over the narrow concrete road as we passed hundreds of mangrove-looking trees on both sides. We looked directly in front of us as we flew by the trees at a high speed. We then both looked down at our tires spinning ever so slowly over the ground and bursted out laughing. We must have been going only two miles per hour but the nearby trees that raced passed us on both sides made it seem as if we were going so fast! Up ahead on the road we saw that a mucky substance consisting of leaves, dirt, etc. Completely covering the road. I picked up some speed to that I could pedal through it easily and reached the end of the mucky road pretty quickly. I heard S behind me say, “I don’t like the muck” and I looked back to see her standing next to her bike waiting in the mucky road. We both made eye contact and laughed uncontrollably. She walked it out to where I was and we continued on our way. After about five more minutes we decided to turn back and head towards the lake for our picnic. Once we were off the trail and back in the parking lot, we went over the curb and stopped to make sure no cars coming. We both noticed a patch of dried mud that had a smooth grey appearance. My noticed visual was when I focused on the patch and saw it morph slightly. We took note of this, agreed that it looked liked quicksand, and crossed the street to begin our picnic. By now my bike was making a horrid screeching sound so I was glad to finally get off it. We parked our bikes next to this old concrete structure that looked like it was built in the 1800s and walked near the lake to set up our blanket. <br> <br> By now it must have been about 1:30-2:00 hours since we took it. We were both pretty hungry so we took out the fruit salad in my bag and started picking the fruit by hand and lifting it up to our mouth. We opened the top and as we both went for our first piece of fruit we bursted out laughing. Right on the top was the biggest chunk of pineapple we had ever seen! “Looks like the supermarket got lazy,” I said. It must have taken S about four separate bites to finish that one chunk. After about ten minutes of eating I realized that we brought plastic forks to eat the fruit with. S said to forget about the forks, “it’s only another thing that can go wrong” I chuckled and accepted the fact that eating it with our hands felt so much better. For some reason, the cold, slimy fruit that would have made us feel so awkward at any other time felt amazing in our fingers. Once we got to the bottom of the fruit bowl there was really only a few chunks of fruit left so out of laziness we tossed them in the grass instead of walking back to a trashcan. Back towards the concrete structure there were three kids of about six or seven years old playing with sticks with two adults following them. I couldn’t help but laugh because of the way the two men were dressed. One of them, who I presumed to be the father, had a long ponytail of grey hair, was dressed in full hiking attire, and even had a long stick he was using to hike with. The other man who looked like he was about 25-35 years old was dressed a little more normal but was wearing a safari-like sun hat. I couldn’t help pointing out to S that if you took the kids out of the picture, it looks like these guys were going to spend their day deep inside the African Sahara! <br> <br> Since we didn’t bother looking at our phones much to check the time, these are estimates (2:00-3:00 since we took it). Towards the peak of our trip, we decided to lie down and relax. As soon as my back made contact with the ground, I felt a wave of relief. I had never felt so relaxed and in unison with S and everything around me. We wanted to listen to some music now so S took out her iPod Shuffle and began skipping through songs. Since she shares it with two of her sisters, nothing too appealing came on so I decided to plug in my music. After two minutes of indecisiveness, I chose D’yer Mak’er by Led Zeppelin. The music sounded amazing and I felt like I was transported back to the seventies. But once the song reached the point where Robert Plant starts screaming, S read my mind and asked me to change it. As we continued to listen to some tunes, we put our shades on and stared up at the clouds. The clouds moved slowly in every direction and the edges of the clouds swirled slightly, it was one of the coolest things I had ever seen. After what felt like an hour of just looking up at the sky, S needed to go to the bathroom. When I checked my phone, only twenty minutes had passed since we first lied down! We were both completely shocked by how altered our time perception was and agreed that this trip was going to feel like forever. I had no Idea where the bathrooms were but S said she saw them earlier before we went on the trail, so we made it our “mission” to find the bathroom. I hopped on my bike after having completely forgotten about the noise and as I took the first pedal, my bike screamed like a banshee. I felt everyone’s eyes on me but I laughed it out. I told S that my bike was pretty bipolar because every now and then it would be quiet for a while, but as soon as you got accustomed to the silence, it would start screeching again. <br> <br> It turned out that the bathroom was about sixty seconds away so it wasn’t as much of a “mission” as what was about to come. I waited outside the bathroom as she walked in and not even fifteen seconds later she came out with a frown on her face. “that was quick,” I joked. She said there was a spider in the stall and she can’t do it. I started laughing while thinking to myself “is she serious?” So I took a look inside and at first sight it seemed fine, but hanging right above the stall was the biggest spider I had ever seen! The entire place was covered in insects! I went outside in embarrassment and told her to try the last stall, which was the least insect-ridden. After waiting for her to come out I decided that I also needed to pee. “Can’t I just go in the women’s bathroom where I know it’s safe?” <br> <br> “No we need to be normal people” She laughed. So I went across to the men’s restroom and finished up in a sec. <br> <br> (3:30-4:30 since we took it) We decide to look for another spot to chill, so after a few minutes of noisy biking, we found a nice clearing with a picnic table. We decide to sit on the top of the bench like the “cool kids”. She had brought her sketchbook and colored pencils so it was the perfect time to start doodling. We both collaborated on a drawing on the same page and when it was done, it was the most disgusting, dog/rabbit-looking creature I had ever seen. I laughed so hard at what we created and determined it was best if we try drawing individually for a few minutes. She ended up drawing a picture of us sitting on the bench and titled it “The Best…” She said she was about to write “trip” but I insisted not to just in case her parents came across the sketchbook. I took a colored pencil and filled it in, The Best “Picnic”. Then she got her pencil, crossed out picnic and wrote “Thing”. We both laughed at this war we were having and ended up talking the rest of the time. We looked back where our bikes were and saw the same three kids with those two creepy adults following them. We both noticed a really pretty bird that was in the tree, and little-by-little, more and more birds showed up. These weren’t pigeons and crows either; these were some pretty exotic-looking birds. Before we knew it we were standing under a tree full of these awesome birds that had colorful patterns on their tail wings. “What are we doing here? This is like a prime bird-watching location,” S said. We laughed and ended up sitting back down on the bench. As we came down from our peak we talked and messed around for another hour or so before hopping on our bikes and leaving the park. <br> <br> (5:30-6:00 since we took it) Once arriving at the checkpoint we previously stopped at on the way over here, S spotted the lizard I saw earlier. It easily could have been a different one but it was cool to see one in the same exact spot as earlier. I later figured out that they are called Basilisk Lizards. As we neared my house, S exclaimed, “We didn’t listen to Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds!” So I pulled up the song on my phone and we began to listen to it. We were practically drenched in sweat, wearing dorky bike helmets, and could barely hear the song due to the loud screeching of my bike. “It’s like the ending of a really bad movie,” S said. I started laughing uncontrollably. Even though we were coming down from our trip, it was definitely one of the funniest moments of the day. <br> <br> We were both starving when we got to my house so we immediately started making sandwiches. After barely putting anything but meat and cheese on the pita bread, S goes for a bite but I told her to wait, this sandwich has to be epic. So we each put two sandwiches of meats and cheese in the toaster and placed our condiments in between each of our two sandwiches to make something that was worth the wait. About 45 minutes later we scarfed down the food and I went back to the sketchbook to look at what we drew. I saw The Best “Picnic” drawing and crossed it out and put The Best Sandwich. <br> <br> As soon as we finished eating we jumped in the pool to relax. S insisted in taking my surfboard in the pool so I couldn’t tell her no. We paddled around in “the flattest ocean you will ever surf in” and I tried teaching her how to duck dive, which she almost got (She at least learned how to sit on the board). After a great day we dried off and I took her home.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 96427</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 3, 2012</td><td>Views: 9,721</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=96427&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=96427&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Nature / Outdoors (23), Music Discussion (22), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I have never been an advocate of using powerful hallucinogenic drugs, at least I have never actively suggested it to people. I have, on the other hand, a deep seated belief that if you feel drawn towards doing it and you feel good about it, go for it. <br> <br> This report follows my second experience and is recounted almost minute for minute taken from dictaphone recordings I made of the night. The recordings spanned a massive seven hours of total record time, most of which filled with speech and description, some of which...well lets just say some of it makes little to no sense at all or is just noise. <br> <br> RECORDING 1 - 21:28 <br> <br> 'It is approximately.....some time at night....half nine, about half nine, and I have just placed two tabs of tasteless printed paper under my tongue, we are all in agreement that this is LSD. No effects yet as I am sure you understand. I am with my two good friends from work who have opted to observe and not partake (they shall be referred to as richmond and charles for the purposes of this report) and the environment is a very comfortable new house with which I am very impressed...*cheers from richmond and carl are heard, though their voices are inaudible*. I shall be documenting the experience in full. <br> <br> RECORDINGS 2-4 21:55-22:35 <br> <br> 21:55'Mild shuddering has become apparent though its not discomforting or anything, its just a little difficult to relax in this chair. I am pretty thirsty, I wonder if thats because I am thirsty or if its the drugs?' <br> <br> 22:15'I am rather comfortable now, feel very very warm...Charles, is it hot in here or is that me? *charles replies that it is just me*, i suppose it is just me, I'm not hot anyway, just warm' <br> <br> 22:35'I haven't said anything for like, ages. I thought it was wise to tell you, even though you probably know, that Charles's room is rather big, I can see every corner from where I am sitting, even ones behind my head. If I try hard enough I can drag them around...*charles and richmond laugh*, they think its funny...blagging a**eholes right there man' <br> <br> At this point in the evening I was experiencing a great warmth coming from the centre of my body, combined with a deep stillness. If I sat too long my feelings and emotions seemed to mesh with whatever I was touching. I describe this in recording 5. <br> <br> RECORDING 5 23:10 <br> <br> 'It's just totally...I can't communicate I don't know how to communicate. GODDAMN! I wish I could just, communicate! What is it with language man?! I've totally become entwined with this box, you can't have it back, my fingers have sunk into it its like, its like, my soul and the boxes soul have become a supersoul' <br> <br> RECORDING 6 23:50 <br> <br> 'I don't even know what they're both talking about...*you can barely hear richmond trying to explain his question, he is asking me who I think should be president. For lack of a better answer I say Hunter S Thompson, unable to fathom that he is dead*. At this point the lack of concept has taken full hold, I can no longer form ideas in my head or understand simple statements without great effort. The room has descended into a colourful dream world not unlike the artwork of yellow submarine. Walls glazed with oranges and purples, objects shuddering on their spots and morphing into sea creatures and goblins, many of which seem to lack any real form but make perfect sense to me. It may be worth noting that several objects in the room distorted into what I now consider to be meaningless shapes, but at the time they conveyed great meaning to me, and were recognised for their ideals and not their image. <br> <br> RECORDING 7 00:04 <br> <br> 'They put on this song, this blagging song, it's giving me instructions...*the song is giving instructions on surviving a zombie invasion, I became convinced that the house was surrounded by zombies. I saw them out of the window, black hulking masses crawling around buildings. I was not alarmed, merely interested and focussed on the instructions I was being given* I HAVE to follow them...they're all over..I dont know if I should go outside...I can't even have an idea! you know you're messed up when you can no longer form an idea' <br> <br> RECORDING 8 00:47 <br> <br> 'Theres just no point, I cant even form a sentence, I cant speak to this blagging machine....Charles you have a f**kin stripey assed living room man'. I had become obsessed with the walls of the living room, they were striped with colours I had never seen before, colours I doubt I could describe or recreate now. For the purposes of this report it is worth mentioning his walls are painted grey with no stripes. <br> <br> The recordings beyond this point become rather abstract and are not worth transcribing. I experienced strange visuals involving guitar strings and shuddering of objects. Richmond would close his eyes and shake his head violently from side to side at the end of each sentence, charles become a jesus-like deity in which a white halo appeared behind his head as he spoke. I ascribe this halo to the fact that he has long hair and a beard. I placed my face on their front door to check for zombies, when I experienced the most immersive and overwhelming visual I could have possible imagined. <br> <br> The door split open around my head and I fell through. Suddenly I found myself flying in an orange and purple mist, surrounded by dizzyingly high black towers. I looked down to the ground some thirty feet away and observed thousands of tiny glowing orbs that were whizzing frantically between the buildings, their movements affected by noises I could hear from charles's living room. Richmonds voice strongly affected the ambient light. <br> <br> I was shocked, to such a degree I forced myself out of the door and back into their living room. <br> <br> It was time to ascend to my room for the night, which was a converted loft room with a confusing velux window which opened upward. The flight of stairs panicked me, I felt a sudden urge to have all lights on but charles would not allow it. We ascended in the dark, the stairs conspired against me as my vision was now entirely black. Around me, only wood and carpet, deeply menacing emotions emerged from every surface I touched as they curled and contorted as if to engulf my physical form and eventually control my mind. I got over this fear and managed to reason past the nightmare of this short flight of stairs, we continued to climb until the light of the bathroom freed me. <br> <br> The final three or four hours of my trip were spent listening to Jefferson Airplane. The music took on a whole new level inside my head, new meanings were discovered and fantastic visuals emerged from every note. Sound and music were being translated into language which only I could understand, and whenever I opened my eyes, the tune would distort the room around me to match its movement. <br> <br> A perfect experience.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 72025</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 21, 2012</td><td>Views: 8,214</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=72025&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=72025&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Music Discussion (22), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This could also be a report of my 5g mushroom trip from 3 weeks ago, minus the nausea, as it was very similar and equally terrifying but somewhat more devastating afterwords, because it was from LSD, which had been very gentle with me up until yesterday... <br> <br> I've taken LSD numerous times over the past couple of years. My 1st experience was with half a hit of a strong blotter, unperforated, no taste/body load and lasted around 12-16 hours but every time after that, it was an 8-12 hour thing with very minor body load and and nothing but positive experiences. I always wait 2 weeks between trips, even tho the literature says a week should be fine... I'm 28, in pretty good shape and try to live a healthy lifestyle, I watch what I eat, I lift weights, run and don't drink or smoke. <br> <br> The most I've ever taken was 3 hits, a couple of times, and the last time, although I felt it was a bit too overwhelming, was a very positive experience. It was from the same sheet I took this dose off of. Around that time, I was also experimenting with growing my own shrooms and had some fruiting so I made up my mind to take Terence McKenna's favorite heroic dose of 5 grams couple weeks later with horrifying and decimating results which brings us to 3 weeks after that mushroom trip, which was yesterday, when I took 3 hits... <br> <br> I work nights and sleep during the day and after getting home from work Friday morning, I passed out and woke up at 6pm.. I was trying to decide if I should go ahead and trip now or tomorrow and after a couple of hours of back and forth, decided to go for it. By now it was a little passed 8pm. A friend called and said she was gonna stop by with her bf to pick up some stuff for the weekend so I had to wait for them to show up. They finally show up around 9:30 and leave at 10, I'm finally free of any obligations and it's been 12 hour since I last ate so my stomach is totally empty. Perfect! I cut out 3 hits from the unperforated sheet of what used to be 25 hits, now looking like some weird tetris block... I put in under ny tongue and let it fully absorb for about 10-15 mins and swallow. By 11pm I start to come up, feeling the energy/anxiety building up in my body, some visual distortion start to appear and I start hearing slight echoing effect I always get with LSD. So far so good, I get under the covers and turn on my mp3 player which contains my fav music and some Terrence McKenna lectures for later on when I'm coming down, like I always do.. <br> <br> It's around 11:15 now and I'm getting hit pretty hard but nothing shattering, it's just really good with a hint of overwhelming, like the last time I took 3 hits, no biggie, I'm feeling good. But another 15 mins pass and something's different... I'm getting stronger sound distortions than usual, people talking downstairs, in the background (the TV was on in the living room) sounds very low pitched and echoing harder than normal but when I turn the music back on, it sounds fine... Hmm, this is interesting... I try not to pay too much attention to this and keep enjoying the experience but something else seems wrong now... The music I'm listening to all of a sudden sounds like it's slowing down to a crawl but the pitch remains the same. Wow, this is kinda freaky, so I feel like I should get up and look around to see what other strange effects I notice... Wrong move... When I stood up and I feel dizzy, feeling as though I'm short and stretched sideways. Running out of breath or I also feel it's harder to breath and I automatically reach for water and drink from the bottle like my life depended on it. Some of it run down my face. I'm now thoroughly convinced I'm having a bad reaction to this chemical. Feeling like I'm going to fade away amd I'm not ready to die here like this, not yet! I definitely have issues letting go. But how can I not? What will my parents think when they find my lifeless body? What will happen to all those that I care about? C'mon! Get it together! You're not gonna die, you're gonna pull thru this and you're gonna fight! If I say things, if I sing, if I act hyper, I can jumpstart my heart and have it beat faster and stronger so I can't slip into unconsciousness and die... Sheer terror at this point... <br> <br> Collapsing back on the bed, I put on some music; well, hit play again, since I had paused it previously when I started to freak out and get scared because I could hear it getting fainter and actually slowing down to a crawl, which obviously meant (at the time) that my heart was also slowing down... My senses are severely distorted and wouldn't sync up, for instance, when I would get up to turn on a light, I would see me getting up but somehow felt like my body was still on the bed, trying to catch up to what I was seeing, which was me standing up now, or was it the other way around, was I still lying in bed, just thinking about standing up and visualizing it, I just wasn't sure anymore... I kept mumbling about the chemical effecting my blood pressure and tried to make myself remember the words blood pressure medication and adrenaline (like my life depended on being able to remember these words after the trip) but somehow just couldn't utter them... This was almost a repeat experience of 5 grams of mushrooms I ate 3 weeks ago, when I had the most horrific trip of my life... Except this was going to last twice as long. That last notion was enough to freak me out even more... <br> <br> This cycle kept continuing for couple of hours where I would sit back in bed and calm down for 10-15 minutes, then this would happen all over again, it was happening in waves, like it would as if it was psilocybin... At this point I had many crazy theories as to what was happening. One of them was I was having a mushroom flashback while I was tripping on LSD, which was the only plausible explanation because of the similarities... Looking back now, maybe I would have had a very profound experience if I had just let go and accepted that I was 'dying' and allowed myself to let go but it's really hard when your mind actually believes that you are and utterly convinces you that 'now you've done it!' <br> <br> Anyway, then when things finally started to calm down, still some OEV's and distortions but nothing of the so called life threatening experience, I started getting that uncomfortable body load feeling and had the revelation that this part of the experience totally depended on how the peak experience was. If it was a good trip, then there would be little to no body load, no physical manifestation, no build up of toxicity but if the trip was difficult, the end result would present itself as a lot of body load. This also made sense at the time and I kinda chuckled at my own cleverness for figuring this out. Now I had to think of ways to get rid of this body load and I remembered I had some herb stashed away so I prepared that and took a hit... When I laid back down on the bed, a sense of calm started to appear all around me, a body buzz started and I had the revelation that this was what had been missing from my trip to calm my nerves all along... Now I was feeling more relaxed, less anxious and I wanted to put back on some tunes... The OEV's also strengthened but it was different, the patterns on the walls wren't really swirling but they were, pulsing now... <br> <br> The music was sounding heavenly and I couldn't help but marvel at how clear it sounded and kept chuckling, saying 'oh my god..' and 'this is awesome' every now and then.. and it was. The feeling continued for about an hour and I kept taking an additional hit every other hour till the 12th hour mark to prolong the expereience and relaxation. This definitely decreased the feeling of body load... I just tossed and turned in bed and listened to some Terence McKenna lectures, now having a better understanding of what he meant when he said 'difficult experience.' I just never thought I would have this sort of reaction from LSD which has been gentle with me up till this point. I still feel it was the 5g of mushrooms I took 3 weeks ago that changed something in my brain chemistry. <br> <br> I've now been awake for 26 hours and felt like I have insomnia. Although there were no OEV's or visual disturbances anymore, I still got a slight CEV, some white energy thing just burning and radiating like the sun, or even boiling... I also feel anxiety and slight depression, probably because I was worried that I won't ever be the same now. I've thought like this on mushrooms previously when I completely feel like mentally challenged and that it's gonna be permanent but it always goes away and I come back to regular consciousness after 6 hours or so, so it should have cleared up by now but it hasn't. It's also possible that I feel this way because I haven't slept and I'll feel better once I do but what use is that if I can't fall asleep? What if I'll never be able to go to sleep again? What if I'm still like this tomorrow when it's time to go to work?? Negative though loops still continuing, residuals of a bad trip no doubt or it could be an instant flashback, right after the come down, I don't quite know how those work. Not knowing when (if) it's going to stop is depressing and equally terrifying. <br> <br> The music I listened to while I was tripping was also giving me anxiety when I thought about it, for no good reason. My head feels like it's heavy and kinda numb, almost as if not from LSD but from the weed I smoked, it's just not clearing up and lingering for way longer than I want it to... I have doubts about re-trying these experiments now, this might very well be the last time I touch these things for a while. A few more hours pass and it all starts to finally clear up, very slowly. I'm starting to get a minor headache and it feels as though I'm going to finally start recovering. I've never been so happy because of a headache! I can feel my head again. I quickly swallow an Advil cap, anticipating some relief by the time I'll lay down to go to sleep... I was able to go to sleep around 1am, after some 30 hours of being awake. <br> <br> When I woke up the next day (today), I was fully back to 'normal,' no hints of the haze or anxiety/depression I felt the day before... Now I'm wondering if these things actually precipitate or exacerbate a latent or existing mental disorder I might have...<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 69495</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 23, 2012</td><td>Views: 24,608</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=69495&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=69495&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Music Discussion (22), Hangover / Days After (46), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> It was a cool, windy day in the green mountains of southern California. It was September of 2010. Me and 3 friends drove up the hill loaded with snacks, object manipulation toys, and acid. We parked off the side of the road 10 minutes worth of dirt roads away from the town/lake. There was a campground nearby but no one staying there. As soon as we got out of the car, we ate some food, smoked a bowl of some Sour O.G. , and dropped 2 of the little purple squares printed with alex grey known as 'Purple Nebula' I have to say that this acid is some of the best i've ever had. Ive taken a 7-strip of equal strength and quality acid and did not go nearly as far as I did the other day. I had one of the most intense experiences of my life. Through the continual use of psychedelics and meditation, my mind has become capable of much more than I ever thought possible. I am becoming increasingly effective at utilizing and integrating the substances that will help us find the answers to all our questions. Every person is capable of doing what i did and more- even without the aid of psychedelics. However they provide a much faster route. <br> <br> <br> We took the acid and hiked up to the highest peak around. We stood atop a giant boulder and enjoyed the view of the creek running along the base of the powerful pine trees that inhabited the land. We meditated in the breeze until it was time to walk back and post up by the car. By the time we got back, the landscape was starting to glow. The purple bushes that lined the ground appeared to form clouds of purple mist. We smoked another bowl and I leaned back against the car to enjoy the ride. Little did I know i was about to embark on the JOurney of a lifetime <br> <br> <br> The giant pine in front of me started to take on the appearance of a tall woman looking down on us. Or should I say THE woman that seems to almost always appear when the hallucinogens are in me. I have been told that this is my spirit guardian. I believe this because her presence is comforting. It felt like she was watching over us. I received some reassuring information about my spiritual path in the form of extremely pleasurable chills down my spine. Basically I was shown that there is no going back, and that once you believe its true (ascension) then you are on the fast track to freedom. It was very comforting and let me know that I will succeed in the end, if i choose to do so, which i do. I accepted and aknowledged the fact that its going to be very difficult and painful, and stuck with my decision to continue. <br> <br> <br> This all happened within a matter of seconds, and afterwards i was extremely thankful. I felt very enlightened and satisfied. For the second time in my life I found myself on my knees saying 'I get it now...it all makes sense....thank you' I cant explain any further what i was thinking about, but at that moment there was not an ounce of confusion in me. <br> <br> <br> I walked back to the car and silently enjoyed the view. One particular tree displayed a double-helix shape. A waving, shimmering net was displayed across my entire field of vision. I had never seen such elaborate detail in my scope of view.. Im comparing it to the Net of Being picture , by Alex Grey, no coincidently the same artist whose picture was on the tabs. I did not see the same faces in the picture(during this trip), but instead the same style net that Alex did such a good job at printing. I later read that the person who discovered that DNA was in the shape of a double helix was on LSD. <br> <br> <br> Within a few minutes I could see the same web of rainbow light connecting the plants that I have seen on mushrooms. It was visible in only certain areas. Before long the trees and bushes came to life and were staring back at me with dozens of tiny eyeballs scattered throughout the forest. The tree tops began pointing upwards. Judging by the way the visuals were unfolding, my attention was quite clearly being directed towards the sky, one sign at a time. I had an overwhelming occurance that told me that not only do i need to start letting things go more often, but in fact I needed to start practicing letting go right now. Whenever I tried doing or thinking of anything but NOTHING, i was confronted with physical feelings and emotions that were both undescribable and unenjoyable. I knew full well what I needed to do. I turned my gaze up and surrendered to the power. The physical sensations increased VERY quickly along with my heartbeat and the visuals. As my eyes started to tear i witnessed the most beautiful display of colors I have ever seen. The image was kalidascoping into infinity while the layers of the universe were peeled back one by one. No words will ever do it any justice. I slowly and naturally lifted my sight higher and higher into the sky, using every effort not to blink, move, or think. <br> <br> <br> The only thing that I can say is that I was being progressively tunneled into the sky, out of my body and away from the scene that was left to the far outskirts of my vision. The PREVIOUSLY INVISIBLE stars and planets in the day-lit sky were closer than the forest floor I had left behind. My state of consciousness was totally transformed as I refused to accept this physical body as my own. My own heartbeat raced faster and faster until the beats were overlapping, and the noise it made turned into the noise we hear on DMT. The electronic/metallic buzzing/ humming sound. The pulse of the universe. I had reached a new high. I had everything there was, is, and will be in my grasp. Complete free will in my arsenal. I knew that anything I wanted to know or do, anywhere i wanted to go or see, was just an intention away. I was completely and utterly connected. Submerged in the vast pool of knowledge. The soup of consciousness. The entire multiverse at my fingertips. And what did I do? I headed straight back to earth <br> <br> <br> When I broke the trance I was in, it felt like i had traveled light years. I was utterly exhausted and out of breath. My journey had drained my energy. It was urgent that I passed along the information I had just received to my friends and my own rational mind. It felt as if I had just rocketed up into space, and was now slowly descending. I was seeing through my eyeballs, although it still felt as if i was high in the sky. Over the next 3 hours my mind was completely blown as I tried to make sense of what just happened. I knew one thing for sure, and I immediately told my girl friend that 'its up there whenever we are brave enough to go.' I had heard of shamans doing what I just did, but never expected to get there so soon! and with only 2 tabs! Set and Setting seem to matter more than dose. I had been there a few times before on mushrooms on DMT, but this was the first time i was able to comprehend and aknowledge what exactly had just happened to me. In the future i hope to more effectively navigate and utilize the realm I discovered. <br> <br> We all began manipulating our objects. I started the long, arduous task of wrapping my brain around what just happened. My integration was visually represented with symmetrical patterns that encompassed my entire view- breaking down and replicating each time I took a step towards releasing the pressure I had built up in me, by explaining or teaching what I had brought back with me. Along with the shift in patterns, I was returning to earth little by little. I still felt very detatched from my body. <br> <br> <br> During this process, I can only tell you a few things that happened. It was very odd and I was a little frightened when I consciously did the splits, painlessly stretching my legs farther apart than they have ever been. We all reached new levels of performance with our objects. I witnessed my girlfriend successfully do a trick that she has never come close to accomplishing. When all 4 of us focused our attention on her contact ball, she was able to execute it with perfect form. Out there i knew that with my flower sticks, I could have done ANY trick I wanted to. However i chose to focus my energy towards more important things, such as rethinking my life. I felt very COLD, not only my body but my soul. I yearned for the warmth of friendship and compassion. I decided to make up with 2 of my friends that had been completely removed from my life. I realized how much love I had to give, and how much the world needs it. When it was time, we left feeling very accomplished and enlightened. As soon as I got home I made a huge pile in the backyard of uneccessary clothing, papers, and linens (including my old military uniforms), and set it ablaze. It was time to clear up the physical, mental, and emotional clutter that had been plaguing us. My girlfriend and I had a long, structured, intellectual conversation until 5 A.M. when we finally crashed. <br> <br> <br> By now I have relived the moment long enough to explain what I learned while I was up there. Again, the main theme of this trip was Letting GO. I realized that letting go is a matter of comfort and preference. If we hold on too tightly to our drama, life will get uncomfortable, because we will be carrying around un-needed grief, guilt, and anger. We will be upset if we refuse to forgive and forget. However, we don't always want to let go of everything, do we? I already knew, and was shown again that we are here on this earth by choice. I needed a reminder that we have complete power to leave ANY time we want. I know that if I would have kept going on my voyage, and continued to 'let go', that I would have never come back. I would have gone so far and become so overwhelmed that when I turned around to come back, I would have completely forgotten about this reality and moved on- never to return. I didn't completely let go because I chose to be here- just like you. I knew I had to come back because it was my responsibility to bring back the knowledge I was given to be shared with as many people as possible. <br> <br> <br> So here it is folks: the choice is in your hands. You are here because you want to be. No one is stopping you from walking out the door right now. We will have to leave this world eventually and let it ALL go. It is inevitable. Why not make the most of it while your here? We obviously live in a very exciting situation, and the world is about to go through intense changes, whether you like it or not. It is your decision if you want to stay around for the aftermath.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 87507</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 31, 2012</td><td>Views: 13,826</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=87507&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=87507&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Nature / Outdoors (23), Performance Enhancement (50), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco - Cigarettes</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cart.</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/salvia/">Salvia divinorum</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(extract)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco - Cigarettes</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Preface: <br> Yesterday, such a strange and alien concept, I have traveled an incredible and unimaginable journey in the transition from yesterday to this moment where I sit in my room, smoking my hookah, typing on an online forum; trying to put into words what I have just witnessed. <br> <br> <br> Preparation: <br> I guess it started Thursday morning. In my biology class I mixed up my 600mg initial dose of vitamin C; 7 halls defense drops in mango-melon sobe life water in preparation for the journey that I was planning to embark on that evening. <br> <br> <br> Thursday is my busiest day regarding school, this fact is neutral, and it’s my performance through those tasks which causes it to be good or bad. This Thursday was very good, I was in a great mood from the fact that I picked up 2 tabs the day before, and all that stood between me and that spiritual experience was a philosophy class, and a chem lab. I had philosophy at 3, which seemed like the right time to ingest my vitamin C dose. <br> Chem lab was nothing; I turned in my lab write-up from the previous week, happy to just have that work out of the way. The experiment for that session was overly simplistic I was able to get that write-up out of the way during the class session. I've got all of the important stuff out of the way, and I feel like I did all that stuff well enough to make the grade, so I was ecstatic for having the coming weekend entirely to myself. <br> <br> <br> I got home, and got all of my equipment together; my pipe and salvia, an empty whipped cream can, my hookah, cigarettes (Newport M-blends) and most importantly 2 hits of dumbo blotter print LSD. <br> I have had a lot of experience with the salvia, and LSD, around 7 experiences with salvia, and 8 previous journeys on LSD. Now the nitrous I've felt it a few times, but I never really got anything from it, tonight, that was going to change. <br> <br> THE EXPERIENCE: <br> I ate the tabs. <br> As I waited for the effects to kick in, I light the charcoal for my hookah, as well as a stick of opium incense, and listened to my IPod. This seemed like a very fitting way to end this day, a day full of success and all around good vibes; the perfect mindset to explore the deepest recesses of my mind. After my hookah charcoal died I went downstairs for a shower, I was fully immersed in the experience that is LSD by now. <br> <br> <br> The shower was amazing, I was washed with colors and sounds like I've never heard or seen before, but that bliss would not last. It was at this moment where I felt a moment of vulnerability, I was naked and tripping BALLS in the shower I didn't have my glasses on (my eyes are by far the most nearsighted out of anyone I've ever met), so my entire field of vision was a blurry mass of colors, and vaguely recognizable shapes <br> I looked down and I hallucinated a lot of murky brownish-black water in the bath tub. SHIT MY SEWER BACKED UP!!! I thought and I immediately shut off the water and grabbed my glasses, I than cleared away some of the suds to see perfectly clear water draining normally. I found the fact that acid caused this reaction was hysterical, I laughed for a good 10-15 minutes afterwards, and that made me shake off the bad vibes from that hallucinogenic episode. <br> <br> <br> After I finished my shower... <br> Ever take a shit when tripping balls? IT'S FUCKIN WEIRD -that's the only way I can describe it. <br> I could feel a body inside of my abdomen, this form was completely useless, and potentially toxic to me, indigestible remnants of food that I had previously consumed, I want it out. I sat on the toilet, and felt the mass moving through the length of my colon, I felt the weight of the mass change throughout my entire abdomen, as it broke apart from its own weight. It was out. I made a point to remember to wipe, as I would most likely regret it if I did forget. <br> <br> <br> That part was done, I looked into the toilet, and I saw the smears on the paper. It shifted from smears, to shapes, composed of thousands of tiny circles; I was mesmerized as they danced around in the currents in the toilet. I noticed that the smell was getting more intense, and I found my face a few inches above the water. THANK GOD I snapped out of that trance before I dunked my face. I then realized that I was tripping on my shit, perhaps it was a misunderstanding like this that lead to the Jenkum rumor came from. <br> <br> <br> It was at this moment when I realized that I was fully immersed in my trip; I’m at a solid +2 on the Shulgin rating scale. <br> <br> <br> I got dressed and went upstairs I enter a room that reeks of incense and hookah smoke, as well as a fresh bowl of shisha in my hookah, and a fresh stick of incense in my burner. I was so happy that I had everything prepared for when I returned to my room. I have no more preparations to make at all for the rest of the night. IT'S TIME TO GO ALL IN! I light a cigarette and cleared the can of nitrous in one lungful. This upped my trip to a light +3. <br> I immediately was immersed into the beautiful fuzzy psychedelic landscape that was my mind from the N2O, it was absolutely beautiful and awe-inspiring I than called my cousin on my phone, we talked for a bit, and I had in my mind that I was going to smoke salvia. <br> <br> <br> I sounded manic as I suggested to my cousin. <br> “TONIGHT, I’M GOING TO EXPLORE WHERE I’VE NEVER BEEN” <br> I’m throwing salvia into this beautiful mix to see where it takes me, if not now, never. <br> After a few minutes of debating if I’m up for this I conclude, with the help of my cousin that I am. <br> <br> <br> I HIT THE BOWL OF SALVIA <br> It took a few seconds to kick in and… <br> I felt immersed in a completely alien mindscape, I was still aware that I was in my bedroom but I knew that my consciousness had been EXTREMELY shifted. I felt my mind merge with the universe, I still had my sense of direction in reality, but what and where was reality? I felt my mind being guided by a strange gravity (from the salvia), and it was as if an entity was whispering questions that I should be asking myself. Unfortunately I can’t remember any of them specifically, but they where along the lines of “who are you REALLY?” “Why are you here?” I had no concept of what I was asking myself, it seemed as if my mind had been completely wiped blank, or perhaps isolated from this collective for its own protection. <br> <br> <br> For a very brief instance in this lifetime that I seemed to live in under a half hour, I had a nanosecond of ABSOLUTE mental clarity, I knew nothing, my mind was blank, and I was in a state of pure bliss. I had an extremely brief glimpse of a +4 experience, but it was so short lived, even on salvia time, that I couldn’t even get a good feel for this instance. I saw just enough to know that it was absolute perfection. <br> I felt and saw my mind like a line in a fractal pattern, at the center was some ultimate truth, perhaps the pure essence of existence, but I also felt an extreme danger of getting too close to it, for I feared that merging my mind with this center would cause me to permanently lose my sanity. <br> I felt that the salvia gravity was guiding me as close as I could go to this peak, while still maintaining the ability to come back. <br> <br> <br> These fractal thought patterns where in the same form that I saw in all of my previous LSD experiences, but this time is seemed so much more vibrant, rushed and vivid, over a thousand times more intense than anything I experienced on any of these substances individually. Needless to say this was BY FAR the most intense psychedelic experience of my life. I saw all of existence and the inner workings of consciousness. <br> My thoughts kept reducing from infinitely complex to simple questions, and then a whisper, and then I could feel my mind being blown at this moment, and in that rush, it would take my into another slightly weaker loop that explored a different facet of my being. <br> <br> <br> I forgot that I had my cell phone in my hand (what where hands?) with my cousin on speakerphone. <br> I felt his words the words that he said as if they where a splashes in a rapidly flowing stream of consciousness. <br> Eventually it weakened to a point where I was coherent and lucid enough to let my cousin know that I got through the experience, and that I needed time to integrate it. <br> <br> <br> Then after he hung-up, I managed to find my iPod and started Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon Album <br> I felt the exact same thought patterns, but I was out of that universe I was back in reality. My mind merged with the music, my thoughts became the music. The transition between the songs Speak to me spoke to me as I felt like I was truly descending into insanity, but at the same time I knew it would end soon enough. Than when Breath started, it was the most mind-blowing experience I’ve had since the peak, and I was back to reality, for real this time. <br> <br> <br> I lay down to integrate my experience through the rest of that album. I had a cigarette during next musical journey with another Pink Floyd album, Mettle. Through the song Echoes, I got on my laptop, and I was trying to get on erowid to try to see if anyone else did the same combination as me. <br> <br> <br> My laptop had some virus problems, but according to my last scan, it was clear. As I tried to access a trusted website, I looked at the clock, 2:14, the load time was taking forever so I tried to close the page, but to no avail. I realized that my computer was in a similar state as me, the software had some kind of written in issues that changed the function of the machine, at the same time, inside of my head, I was tampering with the hardware, my thoughts turned to how LSD causes a temporary deformation in the protein that lines the 5-HTP-1a receptor, and I thought back to the field of study that I decided to dedicate my life to, Biochemistry, I saw myself in a chamber, full of free floating neurons, I walked to a synapse and looked at it closely, I saw the normal form of a serotonin receptor, than I watched as a molecule of LSD bound to the receptor protein, I watched the diethyl structure force a kink to form in the protein, and suddenly, I was back in reality. “fuck this is taking forever, I had to be at this for at least 10 minutes” I thought. I looked at my clock, still 2:14, all of that in under a minute. <br> I opened up a task manager on my computer and closed the frozen programs (an amazing feat considering the level I was tripping at) <br> <br> <br> Then I clicked on the internet explorer icon, typed the web address into the browser, and SUCCESS! I found a few reports, from other people who have been in the same mindspace as me. I read some of these experience report, what a relief it was, just to know that that others have been to where I was and returned to share what they saw. I knew at that point that I had to share this experience with the rest of humanity. I called my cousin again and I light up another charcoal for my hookah. <br> <br> <br> I also found it extremely comforting to know how similar other people’s experiences where with these same substances. I felt a very strong connectedness to every other human on this planet, just to know how similar our minds really are. <br> <br> <br> At this point, I was back to the normal LSD level, and it was definitely tapering off, it was around 3:30 now. I realized there was nothing more I could learn from this experience, and all that was left for me to do was to try to recall as much as I could from the peak of this journey. <br> I spent about an hour interviewing my cousin about what I said; he was on a caffeine binge, so he was probably in the best state of mind to remember what I said. I recollected my thoughts and began to put together a draft of this report. As I typed, I burned through my third bowl of shisha on my hookah. <br> Around 7:30-8AM, I returned to baseline. Now, it’s over 16 hours since the experience started and I know that I am not the same person I was before then. <br> <br> <br> Conclusions <br> On the Shulgin rating scale, at the peak of the experience, I was at a very high +3, almost a +4 experience, I walked along the border to that transcendental state of pure bliss, but the substances wouldn’t let me cross into that realm, but I could see a small glimpse of it. <br> <br> <br> I would consider this experience as a positive one. I think I came as close to ego death as is possible without the experience becoming a painful trial, but here, I got a small glimpse of my mind with all of the doors of perception blown off the hinges. I feel like I barely scratched the surface of what I have to uncover in these higher states. <br> <br> <br> This experience was intended to be a shamanistic trip, and I came close to perceiving God. This trip also reaffirmed my conclusion from a previous acid trip, that I have a perfect mind for using psychedelics. I went so far beyond what I expected, and I grappled with dangerous and destructive thoughts, such as permanent insanity, and extreme paranoia, without allowing them to consume me. I exponentially raised the envelope of what I knew my mind could handle. <br> <br> <br> I also realized that I am at perfect peace with who I am. I‘m far from perfect, but I know that I am on the right path in life, and this experienced both reinforced the beliefs that I hold that make the good likable person that I am, and it shattered all the beliefs that I held that were incorrect. <br> <br> <br> I would definitely use this combination again, however, I saw many places where this experience could get VERY dark and scary, and so I would have to tread with caution. I was in an unusually positive state of mind going into this, so I believe that this allowed the experience to stay overwhelmingly positive. I was in such a beautiful mindspace and Oh what a strange and incredible journey it has been.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 83692</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 31, 2012</td><td>Views: 15,887</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=83692&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=83692&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Nitrous Oxide (40), LSD (2), Salvia divinorum (44) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Beer/Wine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">78 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Firstly, some background: I had taken LSD on 4 previous occasions, generally in low doses (my previous highest had been two tabs of blotter acid or roughly 130μg – on other occasions dosage had been half or a quarter of this). I had also taken mushrooms previously, again in small dosages. This was the some total of my experience with psychedelics. My girlfriend had taken 2CB (with MDMA) and otherwise was without hallucinogenic experience, though, like me had also tried amphetamine and cocaine. Both of us are semi-regular users of marijuana and quite frequent drinkers.<br> <br> On this particular occasion, after a lengthy search for LSD (several thwarted attempts to procure it and the hassles of finding tripping time in our mutually busy schedules had interfered), we finally procured some of a friend of my with whom I had previously taken the drug and who I trusted to provide a quality product. He informed me that the sugar cubes each contained two approximately 65μg hits (he knew the chemist) and as each cube cost only about what one might expect to pay for a single tab, I jumped at the opportunity to finally get some for my girlfriend, who we shall call Claire, and myself. <span class="erowid-note">[Erowid Note: Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]</span> <br> <br> Given that we had met through a discussion of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas at the bar of our university we had long planned this trip and were keen to do it at the university. At the time the regular semester was over, though summer semester was on. This meant the campus was by no means deserted, but was not particularly busy either. Claire printed out one of our favourite poems – Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s Kubla Khan – in the library whilst I mixed the sugar cubes into two water bottles, giving us each about one and a half cubes. Claire was a little nervous, being aware of LSD’s famed intensity and not really knowing what to expect. Nonetheless, whilst still in the library we drunk down our water and then headed to the bar to wait whilst it kicked in (and for outside to cool down a little as it was about 38 degrees Celsius at the time we dropped). <br> <br> In the bar we purchased a jug of beer and started playing pool. Half an hour after we dropped Claire said she felt colours sharpening and the sensation of everything growing lighter. I myself did not yet feel anything I could definitively attribute to the LSD. About 45 minutes in it made its presence felt, but was still not hugely apparent and, but for the fact that I knew I’d only had two beers, I could have almost attributed the effects to drunkenness. It was right on the hour that the first definitive hallucinatory effects manifested, but this still consisted only of subtle warping of the vision at the periphery and a vague sensation of movement, as well as a more acute version of the sensation Claire had reported earlier. <br> <br> It was as we got a second beer that the effects became more pronounced and floaters – like those experienced when pressure is applied to the eye – started appearing in my vision. At this point we elected to relocate to a bench overlooking the lakes and we sat here for a while. Aside from the visual distortion, which was still moderate at most, we felt our thought patterns shifting and making more connections than usual and wandering more widely. Both of us found ourselves appreciating the beauty of the lakes (which we walked by every day of semester, coming up from the bus stop) more than usual and generally more perceptive of the smaller details around us. The effect was almost paradoxical – whilst everything had begun to gain a certain surreal edge it seemed simultaneously at everything had become almost hyper-real, that every detail was significant. <br> <br> We began walking at this point with the intention of heading up to the Great Court, which is surrounded my magnificent sandstone buildings decorated with gargoyles. Once here we did a lap and at one point stood looking up at the gargoyles and laughing, uncaring of the opinions of clearly bewildered passers-by. In general interactions with other, non-trippers, had become somewhat troublesome and a cause for laughter. Generally we were keeping to ourselves and not paying a great deal of attention to those around us. <br> <br> By the time we had completed our lap we were the best part of two hours into the trip and I had begun to feel that the effects were not nearly as intense as I had desired, wondering if maybe the acid had lost its potency whilst I’d been storing it prior to our trip. Claire thought we should give it a little more time before taking more, not wanting to fall into the classic drug-users trap of taking more when the substance does not seem to be working only to find it coming on very strong a little later. We sat and smoked a few cigarettes and once two hours arrived we both agreed to take more. We bought more bottled water (not wanting to expose the acid to the chlorine in tap water) and measured the remaining acid (which was in the form of a crumbled cube) into each with a teaspoon. Drinking this we then resumed walking and headed back in the direction of the bar.<br> <br> It wasn’t long after this that the effects of the first drop really kicked in (much sooner than could be attributed to the second drop). As we were sitting at the bar once more, drinking more beers, very clear and unmistakable patterns – similar to paisley – began appearing whenever I looked at something for more than a few seconds. Pretty soon I didn’t even need to do that and they were everywhere. Things began to ripple and distort in a very pronounced fashion. Looking into Claire’s blue eyes they seemed like lakes, their surfaces rippling. Deciding it was time to make an exit so as not to disturb the other bar patrons we once again left in the direction of the lakes, stumbling slightly as we exited. Walking past the bar I got a strong sensation all of a sudden that the patrons there were talking raucously in Russian, but when I paid close attention they were speaking English, as I logically knew they must be. <br> <br> We crossed the playing fields near the lake and walked into the small, forested gully I had discovered a few weeks earlier, which was completely shrouded from outside view. Walking along the winding path running alongside the gully we felt like we were deep in a forest and the sounds of the bamboo creaking made it seem almost as if the forest was speaking to us. Looking out across the ferns that carpeted the floor of the gully I could suddenly see hundreds of eyes peering at me, though not in a menacing way. Everything in here was profoundly beautiful, friendly at it felt very safe. We made our way along the path which forked twice and emerged onto a grassy lawn on the side of the river where there is a statue of Saint Vladimir, a prince of Kiev who first converted the Russians to Christianity over a millennium ago. The statue is stern-faced, bearded and is holding up the Orthodox cross and the Bible in his outstretched arms, as if for the masses he is converting. As we looked at him he seemed to tremble with a mighty energy and soon was wreathed in a fiery glow. We stood there in awe for a time and then, after maybe fifteen minutes, headed back through the gully, walking for what seemed ages, but was probably only five minutes. We once again stopped at the bamboo grove, which we felt had some sort of spiritual power and seemed almost conscious. <br> <br> Emerging back on the playing fields we walked over the marquee that mysteriously stood on the far side. Seeing a gap in the side we slipped under the flap and were inside. It was set up like a cocktail bar, but was devoid of a single person. On one table rested a single champagne glass, which Claire dubbed ‘our goblet’ and took with her. A strong wind was blowing and the entire marquee seemed to tremble. Soon not just the walls and the roof were shaking, but the ground too, as if it were liquid and we were miraculously walking on it. Looking along the length of the marquee we saw several machines of some description located at the far end and Claire insisted on walking towards them, but I could see them melting away into black slime, which became the fate of the entire far end of the tent and I suggested we leave. <br> <br> We reached the back of the theatre, where the names of every play are spray-painted on the plain brick wall, graffiti-style. In the bottom of the overhanging deck above I could see a crack and as I watched it, the area around it started to darken and the crack spread and began dripping the black slime of before. Judging that the building had a cancer we once again moved on, though through morbid curiosity I continually looked back at the wall and the crack. <br> <br> Soon we were walking back through the main area of campus, which was strewn with fallen jacaranda petals. These seemed to glow brilliant purples and carpeted everything. Pretty soon we’d reached the bar again and went in for another drink and sat on the couches at the far end. The couches were like jelly and the circles on the fabric expanded, contracted, blinked and occasionally burst like bubbles. I soon discovered the bar had been closed whilst we sat there and we exited, electing to take a ferry to Southbank to ride the Ferris wheel there. The boat ride was superb and the buildings and trees on the shoreline danced and everything seemed to have a beautiful, serene aura as the sun set. By now it was about three and a half hours since we had dropped the first time and I judged the second dose was now starting to kick in as the first maintained its plateau. This amplified the experience immensely and the ride up river, with the strong, cool breeze and the setting sun was absolutely perfect.<br> Soon we reached Southbank and felt like we had arrived in some sort of carnival. Though it was a Wednesday night the whole city seemed to be alive and thriving. Looking across the river to the CBD we judged that some buildings were ‘evil’ and others ‘friendly’. We strolled through the rainforest garden walkways and stopped briefly to smoke another cigarette before going on the wheel. Strangely we found staring into the mechanical workings of the wheel itself more interesting than the spectacular view of the city it afforded at its highest point. After a few rotations we became confused and wondered whether we had to disembark ourselves or it would stop. It finally stopped and we walked across the bridge to the CBD, stopping to watch traffic pass by below us on the Riverside Expressway, talking about Hunter S Thompson, Ken Kesey and Timothy Leary. <br> <br> Finally we went to catch a bus back to my house, pausing once again to smoke in King George Square where we looked at City Hall and the giant Christmas Tree. At this point the second dose was peaking, though the peak was far less vivid than that of the first. Whilst we were waiting at the bus station a little while later the black specks in the floor tiles began to grow and spill out and ooze up, finally transforming into thousands upon thousands of tiny bristling spikes which I felt might penetrate the sole of my shoe if I did not get my feet off the ground. Claire experienced the exact same sensation and lifted up her feet too. Soon our bus arrived – decked out in tinsel for Christmas, which seemed pleasing to us – and we headed back to mine where we watched Fear and Loathing (after a rather poor go at making toasted sandwiches). <br> At last we had sex. Unlike with just about every other drug I’ve taken, the effect of the LSD was not to make the sex more purely physical but less – it became a more romantic thing, slow, gentle and profoundly fulfilling. <br> <br> Throughout the trip I did not feel the effects of the beer we drank at all (though that isn’t particularly unusual as I typically drink a lot and have a fairly high tolerance for alcohol). I did find that smoking cigarettes seemed to briefly invigorate the acid experience, but the effect was very short-lived. <br> <br> Overall it was a profoundly enjoyable experience and even the unsavoury things I saw seemed less horrifying and more morbidly fascinating in a cerebral sense. As yet I have not come remotely close to having a ‘bad trip’ and rate LSD highest amongst all the drugs I have sampled. I do not think it is a thing to be feared, as so many do. Claire said she enjoyed her first experience immensely and is keen to do it again, possibly at a considerably higher dose next time.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 82676</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 8, 2012</td><td>Views: 17,316</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=82676&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=82676&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Alcohol - Beer/Wine (199) : General (1), Nature / Outdoors (23), Sex Discussion (14), Various (28)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">200 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I first tried LSD about 4 months ago. And I haven't tried it since. <br> In the past I have been a regular pot smoker, LOVED mushrooms, done coke 3 times, crack once (and never again), and a number of different painkillers etc. I tend to be experimental but not a habitual drug user. (Other than alcohol and every now and then pot) <br> <br> It all starts with me getting off work at about 3 am. I headed from work over to a friends house to hang out.. We ended up drinking. Well I got pretty smashed, and drove home around 9 AM after my boyfriend called me wondering where the hell I was. (he didn't know that I was at a friends house and had expected me to be home when he woke up) When I got home I was acting pretty stupid, being drunk and all.. And they told me to just go to bed. Well I was a bit too revved up to go to sleep so I hung around the living room. Next thing I know my boyfriend told me he was going to take the acid we had bought a couple days ago... So I said 'Me too!' <br> <br> He thought this was a little strange because I'm usually very hesitant and nervous about taking new drugs especially because I have really bad anxiety and tend to freak out even if I get a little too high... BUT I was intoxicated and had a 'What the heck why not' attitude. I strangely had no reservations about this... So he hesitantly said ok.. And put the tiny square on my tongue... He took one, and we also gave some to my room mate. After leaving it on there for a while I took it off and threw it away, or I may have swallowed it I cant remember. I think at this point I decided it would be a good idea to get out my art supplies and start painting. I don't really have a good perception of how long it took to kick in because it was a very slow process... I slowly became more euphoric and I was still a little drunk and now feeling a little high. I ran into my other room mates room and told him to wake up because things were so crazy and awesome cause we're tripping on acid and he's like wtf? I think around this point (after sitting around and talking and waiting) I decided that the acid just wasnt working good enough for me so I took another hit.. This time, I put it on my tongue and immediately (accidentially) swallowed it.. I realized that I wasnt really aware of my tongue. <br> <br> So I went back into the living room and started pouring paint all over this huge canvas. Every color I could think of... The sun was shining into the balcony window onto the painting and the colors were extraordinarily bright.. I shoved my hands into the paint and began swishing the colors around.. I felt like a child I was giggling and dancing around covered in paint.. I got my boyfriend to help me... I felt like my eyes were HUGE as I kept staring at the colors... <br> <br> Finally I washed my hands and my room mate who also did the acid suggested that we go buy some food. Food? Why would you have a desire to eat NOW? I was confused, but decided it might be fun to leave the house. So we went... About the time that we pulled up to the store I started tripping a little harder... The trees outside the window felt like they were trying to get me, like they were reaching into the window and grabbing at me. I told everyone that the trees were trying to kill me and they thought it was funny... So did I.... <br> <br> So my room mate who did acid and my room mate who I had woken up (who was driving and NOT on acid) went into the store while I sat in the car with my boyfriend. My boyfriend asked me if I was ok.. And I just remember I kept saying. <br> <br> 'Yeah......' Really quiet and slow. <br> <br> I decided that I had to get out of the car now.... So my boyfriend came around and helped me get out of the car.. Standing was strange.. So was walking.. It was like I was floating and sinking into the ground at the same time. We started walking around the building.. I can't tell you how many times we walked in circles around this building... I was very quiet.. I was somewhere else.. I couldn't speak. It had also begun to rain. (it had turned into a very cold and dreary day and then begun to rain) about the 3rd time we circled to building (and the people in the movie store started looking at us weird) We came around to the back side where there were two dumpsters. I stopped dead in my tracks ..I felt like I was standing there horrified and gawking at the ground.. There was a river of red water coming out from underneath these dumpsters... OMG... Something is dead in there... I couldnt stop thinking.. I imagined there was a dead person.. Or maybe animals dead inside this dumpster and the rain was washing the blood out of it and into the drain below... My boyfriend interruped the thoughts after I stood there for a minute and he was like ... <br> <br> 'you OK?' <br> <br> I said 'yeah.... ' <br> <br> I told him what I was thinking and he told me it was just the rust from the metal washing off in the water.. (does that actually happen?) So by the time we are back to the car I've decided im full blown tripping.. I cant speak anymore, I'm so very far away and everything is very strange... Life is so strange... I'm distant and confused. We're driving along and as I'm looking into the sky I see these intense visuals.. These kaliedascopes of colors swirling and dancing and pusling.. I shout 'OMG, They're real! Its true!' My roomate asks me what is real, I tell him about the designs im seeing and he said yeah, where else did you think they came from? I thought that people were just making those psychadelic pictures up... That it was just their was of interpreting their feelings... But anyway... We get home and when I get out of the car I feel like I sink into the ground.. I can't wait for a minute.. Suddenly I feel so very small.. I feel small and as I continue walking I get bigger and bigger (I may have actually been walking crouched over and slowly standing up, I couldn't tell if it was the acid or me) <br> <br> Finally im back to normal size.. We head up to the apartment and I go inside.. I don't eat the sandwich they got me I just lay on my bed.. So does my boyfriend... We aren't talking.. He keeps asking me if I'm ok... Which freaks me out because I think 'do I look like im not ok?' and he said he was just worried about me.. <br> <br> At some point I looked into the mirror and became extremely interested in my eyes.. One pupil so much larger than the other... I asked everyone if they really were two different sizes or if I was just seeing things.. They were tripping too so I couldnt get a straight answer.. While looking in the mirror I discover a sore on the inside of my lip. I ask my boyfriend what it is.. He said its probably just some kind of ulcer... I ask him what causes that and he tells me bacteria... Then, when he says the word 'Bacteria' I get this halarious visual.. Of a little man (and some buddues) in a green sweater and cap sliding down my tongue and in a high pitched voice shouting 'Bacteria!' So I get really creeped out and start brushing my teeth to get rid of the 'Bacteria' As im brushing my teeth im imagining the little green men being squished under neath my tooth brush.. It bothers me a little bit but I keep brushing because the idea of little fat men in sweaters inside my mouth creeps me out even more... <br> <br> The rest of the night is a blur... But this is were a lot of the worst stuff happens. It goes from being slightly strange but interesting... To downright unbearable. After taking a beautiful walk outside in the rain and picking up some amazingly colored fall leaves on the path I come back inside and lay down. I spent the next 6-8 hours laying in my bed.. Periodically, me and my boyfriend got into the shower in order to feel more comfortable.. I couldn't sleep... My entire body felt like it was dying (possibly some sort of hangover effects being made worse by coming down off acid) My room began to feel like a prision.. I started having this seriously overwhelming fear of being an inanimate object. I tried to stop myself from thinking it... I didn't want to go that far away... Images flashed in my head but they didn't make any sense... My entire brain was jumped up. I laid in bed, unable to sleep, feeling as if my brain was a circuit board and someone was systematically unplugging input cords and shoving them carelessly into the wrong holes.. Every time something was put back the wrong way I'd feel like that hole would then become fried and unusable.. I was horrified... <br> <br> My brain was being rewired and wired again.. Over and over and over and over and over... Time was lasting forever, I thought I would never be the same again. As I was laying there staring at the ceiling (but not looking at the ceiling) I felt as if my body parts were being taken off and then put back on the wrong way, like my legs and arms were laying at odd angles, twitching and working incorrectly. Every time these thoughts became unbearable and I thought I might freak out I went into the shower and sat there for a while.. We must have taken like 6 showers that night. <br> <br> About 12 hours into the trip I was done with it, I wanted it to be over so bad... But it was like a strange and horrifying show that I was being forced to watch over and over again that made less and less sense every time. I had this terrible fear that the acid was destroying my brain, that it was re-wiring my brain the wrong way and that I may never be normal again.. Nothing felt right anymore. I felt alone, god didn't exsist... I was a cold and useless robot or computer progam that had just been struck with lightening and fried, or had just contracted some kind of trojan virus... I felt a lot of remorse. I started taking sleeping pills.. I just wanted to go to sleep. 16 hours after my first hit (and 26 hours since I had last slept) I finally fell asleep... Leaving being the cold icy stare of my bedroom and the items within it... <br> <br> I woke up the next day and my anxiety was pretty terrible.. I still felt like I wasn't the same.. Like something still wasn't right... It took me about 3 days to feel slightly normal again... But until this day I know that something changed in my brain that night... And I don't know what it is.. But it was something that was perfectly fine before.. And now its slightly wrong... I wish I could explain it... Every now and then for no reason.. (I know there is a trigger but im not sure what it is) I will just stop and zone out for a second and that feeling returns... Almost like my brain skipping a beat or a glitch... And I just don't feel right... But I can usually come back from it... I just feel like something is missing... <br> <br> *sigh* <br> <br> I don't know if I'll ever do acid again.. I have strong feelings about doing man made drugs.. I prefer all natural drugs, un-tampered with. I feel like acid was made to rewire or even destroy the human mind. (and not rewire for the better) Perhaps its in the eye of the beholder but I lost something about myself that night... Im not sure what it is, but I'd give up the trip experience to have it back. One good thing that happened after the trip... I wasnt able to have a single cigarette during my trip AND after my trip.. It took my almost a week to get over the repulsion I had when thinking about cigarettes.. On my trip I thought they were super disgusting and that if I smoked one, I'd puke... So prehaps the drug has the ability to help with quitting smoking? But my only suggestion is that people be careful about their surroundings while tripping.. Whatever you see/hear/experience on acid is more likely to get stamped on your mind. I listened to a music video by Cradle of Filth (I dont usually listen to that kind of music) while at my peak of tripping and I swear to god the song kept playing in my head over and over again for the remainder of the trip.. And that must have been well over 5 hours of 'nymphetamine' playing in my head... It became torture.. Even though I kind of like the song...<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 83138</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 22</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 9, 2012</td><td>Views: 24,884</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=83138&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=83138&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), First Times (2), Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Nature / Outdoors (23), Music Discussion (22), Guides / Sitters (39), Hangover / Days After (46), Post Trip Problems (8), Various (28)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 8:35</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 11:05</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">150 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 11:50</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">150 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> So for a while I’ve had a sort of “to do” list of drugs so I can broaden my horizons and experience different things. Up until yesterday the list of things I hadn’t tried included LSD, Ketamine, Mescaline, DMT, and various RC’s. <br> <br> Well, yesterday I got some Ketamine, some acid, and some molly. It had been almost 8 months since I had done MDMA and I had never done LSD or Ketamine so I was thrilled to say the least. I’d been told by a couple of people that I should experience ketamine on its own before I toss it into the mix with other drugs, just to get a feel for it, so at 5:00pm I snorted ~100mg and laid down in my bed. <br> <br> I got thoroughly fucked up but I didn’t go into a k-hole. I was really close though. I was experiencing some intense visuals with my eyes closed. I was seeing people on horses running through cities and all kinds of blob-like visuals which were expanding and contracting in various ways which all felt engrained with my physical being. <br> <br> It was really interesting. I remember at one point opening my eyes and I noticed I had “the spins” like you get from alcohol but I didn’t feel drunk at all. Then I moved my arm a little and I realized just how sedated I was because my arm felt half-dead and numb. So I just rode out it until I was able to get up (and at this point I was walking around like I was pretty drunk) and go about my shit for the rest of the day. <br> <br> I was originally planning to do the huge combo of all 3 drugs today but I just couldn’t hold back last night. I had no particular reason to do it today over last night so I said “fuck it” and took 2 tabs of avatar blotter at 1:35AM. I wasn’t sure whether or not I was actually going to take anything in conjunction with the LSD at first so I figured I would just see where it went and work from that. <br> <br> Then I browsed through some threads on a forum while I waited for the acid to hit me. One of the first things I noticed was that stuff was starting to look “clear and crisp” at around 2:05AM. At 2:35AM I saw that an hour had passed since I’d taken the 2 hits of acid, and was kind of disappointed in what I was feeling. I recall reading somewhere that the come up for acid was around an hour so I figured it was just a matter of quantity instead of quality (as I was tripping pretty damn good, but had expected more from 2 hits of acid). <br> <br> Well I didn’t know that I hadn’t peaked yet and shit just kept getting better and better. At 3:15AM I considered myself as having reached the peak. I wanted to give myself some time with LSD on its own to get a good feel for it so I was holding off on dosing anything else for now. LSD, to me at least, is very similar to 2C-E. LSD is more euphoric though: I experienced a lot of feelings of sheer joy and laughter for however long I was peaking on the acid. <br> <br> It’s definitely more “refined” than mushrooms in that it seems to have more of a direction. When I’m on mushrooms it sometimes feels like I’m just exploding with emotion and then at other times I will just be tripping like usual. With LSD I experienced not as many “emotional outbursts” but my mood was really good the entire time. It was thoroughly enjoyable. Compared to 2C-E, I think LSD is much more “smooth”. 2C-E for me is kind of, like, “jagged” and it seems like it just wants to be in my face. The visuals are intense and have sharp lines usually, and I found acid to be a lot more “chill” than 2C-E. <br> <br> I was crying with laughter at one point because I was thinking about this and I totally pictured in my head that LSD was like some old burnt out hippy and he was like “Hey man, check out your life, now check it out with some colors and warped surfaces. Yea. That’s cool, man.” While 2C-E for me seems to be more of a “HEY! CHECK IT OUT! COLORS AND SHAPES EVERYWHERE!” kind of drug. Haha. LSD is much much much more comparable to 2C-E than mushrooms. <br> <br> So I sat on the LSD peak and took it in until 4:05AM when I decided I was going to take ~150mg of molly. I had been peaking for a while - I think I got a good glimpse of what LSD is by itself and was feeling sufficiently “relaxed” enough to take some more stuff. (Basically, I wasn’t peaking as hard as I had been and felt in control to the point that I could push myself to the next limit.) <br> <br> So I dropped the MDMA and listened to some music while I waited for it to hit me. At 4:40AM I wrote down “Wow.” Hahaha. The visuals were intense. I felt so good all over, I hadn’t taken MDMA in sooo long, so I was really rolling my balls off. And the visuals were intensified by a lot. It looked like I had streaks of oil or something across my vision which was refracting the colors on everything into rainbows. Or maybe it was more like everything had a thin layer of clear oil coating it. It’s kinda hard to accurately describe. I was also seeing grids over everything as well. Everything seemed to remind me of an old globe you would see in a class room. My arms were covered with grids and looked like graph paper, all the while colors are being refracted out of every surface on everything. It was some really intense shit. <br> <br> Not to mention how physically good I felt, I was rubbing my legs and got that “rolling” feeling which I hadn’t experienced in so long. I love that feeling. I was rolling around in my bed with pure glee just looking at everything, touching everything in reach, groovin’ hard as hell to music, and just in general livin’ it up. It was <strong>amazing</strong>. I can honestly say I prefer candy-flipping to hippy-flipping. <br> <br> When I hippy-flip I find that it’s equally intense but it’s more of a “lay down and let it happen” kind of thing. The emotional aspect of the MDMA combines with the emotional aspect of shrooms and I usually end up feeling like a puddle of melted bliss. Candy-flipping was better because I experienced all of that plus I had energy and form. I felt like a little kid in a candy shop in some aspects. Everything was fascinating and new and shiny and all kinds of good stuff like that. <br> <br> At 4:50 I realized I was peaking on the MDMA, so I decided that just for the hell of it, since I could, I would do some ketamine. I put ~150mg total in 2 lines and snorted ‘em. I swear, I could feel the ketamine entering my blood through my nose and coursing throughout my body instantly. I wasn’t instantly fucked up but I just knew it was coming. Somehow between peaking on the MDMA+LSD and now, I had turned off my music for one reason or another. <br> <br> I laid down in my bed and got nice and comfortable and then closed my eyes. Immediately I found myself floating in space with stars all around me. But they were close, like I could have “swam” towards one and grabbed it. I didn’t but I could have. That’s how close they were to me. It was like I was a giant floating around in the Cosmos. I was honestly impressed. But that wasn’t even shit. <br> <br> I enjoyed that kind of state for about 30 seconds when I realized “Hey, there’s no music playing!” so I opened my eyes to see if I could turn on something good real quick. Everything looked normal at first (well, as normal as it could look while candy-flipping) but then I sat up to better see and reach my laptop and find something on iTunes. When I sat up my entire visual field collapsed in on itself and “shattered” and I was left dumbfounded just sitting where I was, and I was like “Holy fuck, that just happened”. <br> <br> I laid back down and closed my eyes, after realizing that I had no chance in hell of turning on music and I had still images of what I had seen with my eyes open moments ago only shattered into shards and all over my “visual scape”. I really can’t describe this part of the trip with enough detail to give it justice. It was total ego-death, really, really, really intense ego death. On shrooms + MDMA + nitrous I felt very similar, only now instead of being stuck wherever I was tripping for a minute or two, I was there for a long ass time. And instead of being mostly vibrant streaks of color pulsating to music, the streaks of color had form and were making landscapes. <br> <br> And it was insane. Everything was like my mental imagery. And every once in a while if I was looking at some stuff, my entire frame of reference would randomly and suddenly shift. Like, if you were watching a movie, and then suddenly you realized that the screen was sideways. And that gravity was pulling the images on the screen down. <br> <br> I was there for so long thought that at times I honestly remember creeping myself out as fragments of my psyche grabbed a minor hold to analyze the situation before being dissolved back into oblivion. I was like a god. A literal god. I had created the entire universe I was in and could phase though consciousness and time on different levels and alter the beings on the planet in crazy ass synchronistic ways. (You don’t realize how weird I feel about all of this. I wasn’t even trying to do it, it just happened.) It was really really nuts. Like for real, I was god, and I was making all the synchronistic shit on the planet happen right then and there. <br> <br> And every once in a while my visual field would do the “HEY! The T.V. screen is sideways and gravity still applies!” thing and I would spin out in some fractals for a while between universes. And every time this happened I got really excited because the visuals were mind boggling and fascinating. And the more excited I got the more vibrant, intense, and frantic the visuals got. I was eventually so giddy that I was no longer in a landscape of colors and amazingness, now I was trapped in an ever collapsing fractal of shit just falling in on its self and shattering and all kinds of indescribable stuff like that. I pretty much alternated between being god and being propelled through fractals the entire time. It was always one or the other. <br> <br> This went on for what I thought was an eternity but eventually I realized that I had eyes which could be opened so I opened my eyes and looked at the clock. 2 hours had passed. Hahaha. And when I opened my eyes I very much felt like I was waking up for the first time ever. I was still tripping on the acid and everything was still very vibrant and bright. I was still pretty heavily sedated by the ketamine and I was only about 1/3rd of the way through the MDMA so I was still feeling, in general, <strong>AMAZING</strong>. And I’m not even sure <strong>AMAZING</strong> is a good enough word for it. <br> <br> I pretty much sat in my bed with a shit-eating grin on my face and thought about what had just happened and felt amazing for another hour or so. Then at around 8am I got up and walked to 7-11 to get a pack of cigarettes and for some reason just didn’t give a fuck about how dilated my eyes looked. The one chill guy who works there was working, so it was alright and I didn’t get sketched out or paranoid or anything which I had been worried about on the walk there. <br> <br> Then I walked around campus for a half an hour while just observing the beauty of life and listening to the birds. I was still getting a surprising amount of visuals from the acid as well as the warm comfort of the MDMA/ketamine. And my mood was still rather “up there” as well. I found a nice place away from people and just laid down and gazed up at the sky. <br> <br> My vision seemed to be sectioned off by the trees meeting the sky above me, as if the trees and the air between their branches were all encased in invisible plastic bags. And outside of the bags the air was all water. There were even bubbles and ripples on the surface. I was really surprised at how many visuals I was getting as it had been around 7 or 8 hours since I had taken the 2 tabs to begin with. I laid there for a long time and took in nature and finally I felt I had emotionally satisfied my urge to be in nature so I got up and walked back to my place. <br> <br> I laid in my bed for another 2 hours, in silence, absolutely glowing. I still am glowing. I feel so good. I feel like I just got the best sleep of my life. I feel like today is the absolute best shit that has ever happened to me. That’s how intense this whole experience was.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 90758</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 21, 2012</td><td>Views: 22,534</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=90758&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=90758&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Ketamine (31), LSD (2), MDMA (3) : First Times (2), Combinations (3), Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Substance induced alter ego: Jim Smith <br> <br> Jim Smith is an alter ego of mine, but there is a special characteristic of it that makes it unique: it is very difficult to tap into it normally. It usually takes a substance to get into it. The only ones that have worked so far are DXM and LSD. Nothing else that I have taken, be it nutmeg, promethazine, DPH, or bay leaves, have worked to turn me into Jim Smith. <br> <br> Jim Smith is very different from my normal personality in that he develops empathic behavior for other people, laughs a lot, and has an intense desire to socialize. Jim Smith also acts pretty bizarrely and does a lot of things rhythmically, and sings or hums a lot. He typically gets a lot of morals and hesitates to do things that would be unethical, and wants to make amends with people I have hurt in the past. He wants to cry a lot. <br> <br> I personally like being Jim Smith, but it is almost impossible for me to do that normally. It’s not like I don’t care what I do to other people, or what I say, it’s just that I don’t think about it as much. I lie, cheat, and steal, and have pretty much no care for making messes that other people have to deal with and clean up, or destruction of property. I frequently break rules (not severe ones, though), and I am generally bored, tired, and unhappy. Becoming Jim Smith is like an entire, temporary personality makeover that makes me appreciate who I really am. I wish didn’t have to take drugs to get to this alter ego. <br> <br> Grandparents and the Monopoly tradition <br> <br> My grandparents and I play Monopoly about twice every week, and I’d have to say it’s pretty fun, actually. I really like Monopoly, so much that I have made a variation in which players get more money, the properties are dealt differently, and the whole game operates in a way that is friendlier to the players and allows them to ascertain more wealth. <br> <br> Monopoly ties into this description of my experience with LSD because I have memorized all of the rents for the properties (hotels and all), where properties are on the board, and since I am this obsessed with it, with my imagination expanded and my consciousness changed the whole world over, Monopoly would be an entirely different experience. This is explained later, in 1f. <br> <br> What happened: First LSD Experience <br> <br> When I got it, it was wrapped in foil. I got a chance to look at it in a place where others could not see me. There two little ¼” x ¼” squares, one of them was dark green and the other one was black. I told someone who I knew bought LSD from the same person that I got some, and she pleaded and begged me to give it to her, and she would pay me $20 when she got the money. <br> <br> I knew it was real now, but I was still a little bit suspicious. Two other attempts last year to obtain LSD had gone awry and were both false (one was merely vinegar + salt water in a bottle of contact lens solution and the other was colored birth-control pills), so I still had some concern that it could be fake. I asked someone who knew about it if he thought it was real, and there was some way that he could tell that it was real. So, I had a lot of faith. <br> <br> In geometry, which is the last class of the day for me, between 2:30 PM and 3:20 PM, I sneaked a small lick of the two. A few minutes later, I felt a little bit different, but no hallucinations, dizziness, bizarre thoughts, etc were occurring. So, I put my hands over my eyes and closed them to see if there were any closed-eyes. There were, as a matter of fact. <br> <br> There were blue, amorphous blobs shifting shapes and wandering aimlessly about in this imaginary world of infinite darkness… It was wondrous in the way that they moved with such fluidity. Every now and then, the blobs would break into two major pieces and there were some small remains, which diminished into nothing while the other halves spun around and drifted away from each other. This fascinated me, but I only did it for about a minute because then they started getting dimmer and dimmer, blending into the darkness more and more and getting hard to see. I would’ve just taken the LSD in geometry had I known what I had in store for me, but I absolutely did not want to do it in school my first time around. I had learned my lesson with that last May: never do dangerous experimentations, especially in school. <br> <br> When my grandparents and I got home at around 7:00 PM, I ran into the bathroom to unpack them from the aluminum foil that they were wrapped in. I broke off the black one from the dark green one. I remember thinking that I was going to take the green one first and then the black one, but I was so caught up in the moment and excited that I forgot and took the black one first. I know it doesn’t matter the order, but it just shows how excited I was that I would drop one of my many obsessions with the snap of a finger. <br> <br> I was initially only planning on taking one, and not both of them, for I had been forewarned by the person that gave them to me, not only not to do it in school first, but to only do one to start out. I swallowed it, not familiar with how to take it at first (next time I would do it properly). About an hour later, it still wasn’t doing anything, and I had just remembered that I was supposed to let it simmer on my tongue and eventually dissolve, rather than swallow it. This may not make the least bit of difference, but I went in my bathroom again at 8:00 PM to take a shower. I took the green one by letting it dissolve this time, instead of swallowing it. <br> <br> I took my shower in the dark like I normally do, and nothing happened until I turned on the lights. When I did, in a few minutes, my hand started to turn bright green, and the air around it got the same lime-colored haze. I could almost feel this presence; it was very ticklish. It was like a thousand tiny feathers were tickling my hands all over, and they were all green, making up my green hands. It wasn’t doing the same on my arms for some reason, but the walls started to pick up a familiar green color as well. This happened very frequently with DXM, especially with higher doses. <br> <br> I walked out of the bathroom and into my room where my grandma was, currently, and we started talking about something. My parents had searched my room a few days ago and had found a bag filled with powder. They thought it was cocaine, but it was actually just ground-up Sweettarts (which I later told them about), but my grandma still thought it was drugs. I laughed when she said this, but I discovered that I could not stop laughing and smiling. I was constantly smiling, impossible to hide my dimples, and I was laughing at pretty much anything that was said, or anything that I had thought of. I wanted to enjoy this feeling, so I made an excuse that I had not yet taken a bath, so I was to return to the bathroom to do that. Before I did this, however, I was obsessed with showing her this new towel that I got, but it wasn’t in my bathroom closet. I frantically went down to my mom’s room, wasn’t there, and so then I found out it was in the drier. I showed it to her, but I was obsessed with it for some reason. <br> <br> I turned the water on and went into the bathroom. You can’t tell, if the water is running, whether or not I am taking a shower or a bath, so she wouldn’t be able to detect any suspicious behavior; the shower was on, but the bathwater was not. I turned on the lights and looked in the clouded mirror. I had to clear some of the steam off with my hand to see my face, because I always use really hot water in the shower, especially when I am not in it (I enjoy the heat and the steam, it is like a makeshift sauna, albeit not a very good one). <br> <br> I looked at my face and oh my ears and whiskers, you should’ve seen my pupils. There was almost none of my brown eye color left, it was completely taken over with the black pupil. I’d be willing to bet the thickness of the remaining brown was only about 3 or 4 millimeters and my pupils were about 12 or 15 mm. It was ridiculous. There was little to no bloodshotedness, to my surprise, and I liked that, because it made my eyes look perfect. I marveled at how beautiful they looked in the mirror, and I started laughing at something. I looked at myself in the mirror and, like a maniac, I laughed at my reflection. I turned off the lights and fell to the ground, rubbing my hands on my face and laughing uncontrollably, in extreme bliss and in the most intense euphoria I had ever been in. <br> <br> My body became numb. My tongue became numb, similar to when I got my cavities filled and my tongue bumped up against the Novocain, but much, much more intense. My head became light, yet it was heavy. It is very difficult to explain, and I call it ‘heavyheadedness’. When my laughter came down to a more controllable level, I observed some more hallucinations, and it felt like they were more prevalent in my peripheral vision more than what I was looking directly at. I fooled around with the trailing of the orange dimmer-switch light, making figure-eights, squares, circles, and a bunch of other geometric shapes by moving my eyes past it in certain directions and allowing the trails to make the shapes. I found this to be very enjoyable and entertaining. It made me laugh. <br> <br> I started moving and bopping my head at different angles and speeds (this would have been ridiculous to watch; someone should videotape me doing this) to make myself even more dizzy, and to make it seem like I was still moving for a very long duration after my head stopped moving in reality. This is another interesting similarity to DXM, but it is just much, much more intense on LSD. I was beginning to realize this was the happiness of hydrocodone plus the fun and craziness of DXM, with the intensity of the result multiplied. <br> <br> Inside of the shower, I saw a bunch of moving, indiscriminate and unrecognizable objects that appeared just as quickly as they would subsequently vanish away, and I couldn’t make heads or tails of it, because it was so sudden that they were there, and so sudden that they were gone. Some of them moved or did a little “dance” before hiding back into the darkness while others just flashed themselves at me and died. I was going completely berserk at this point, staring into the dark in my shower with water at full hotness. <br> <br> At this moment, I was craving some sounds to listen to so I could see whether or not they would be altered, or make me feel any differently. I didn’t necessarily want music, but I knew I wanted some kind of sounds. Television would be the perfect thing, but I didn’t want to go outside the bathroom. Not quite yet. Not until 9:00 PM, and it was only about 8:45 PM at this point (time took on it’s normal course at this point). Just as I thought of wanting to hear things, I got an idea that if I turned the shower off, I would be able to hear both the television downstairs that my grandpa was watching and the television to my right that my grandma was watching in just the other room. This would make for a bizarre mix of sounds at different amplitudes, and would be sure to screw with my head like juggling my brains with an eggbeater. <br> <br> I did just that, and the desired effects went underway. I could hear that the sounds were being distorted in ways I never thought possible and that they seemed to inject themselves into my head and slowly vanish as more sounds flooded in. When the sounds “vanished”, my brain could feel it, and it comforted it. Some sounds made my stomach feel upset while others made me completely overjoyed. Why, the sound of a pin drop could make me scared shitless and the sound of piano music would make me rub my hands over my face in pure happiness. Just to give you an idea of how messed up these auditory hallucinations were at the moment, that information is pretty accurate. <br> <br> I listened to this for about ten minutes and then at 8:50 or 8:55 or so I turned on the light and observed that the counter now had patterns on it, and they were shifting around. At times, the patterns formed the head of a wolf surrounded with crazy wave patterns. I could tell now that everything was moving, and it was not to stop for a long time. I went outside my bathroom and told grandma I was ready to play Monopoly. This was it. This was the moment I was waiting for. What would be to come? How would the pasta taste (I always fix pasta on Friday nights)? I was about to find out, and this would make the night. <br> <br> She started setting up the Monopoly game as she always does, and I started fixing the pasta. I noticed something was different in the kitchen though… I knew there were no knives anymore (long story, shortened version: got sent to a psychiatric hospital, they found cut marks on me, I can’t have sharp things now), but something was strange about this… kitchen. Something was out of order or sequence here. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was, and I still can’t, to this date, other than that I had ingested a psychedelic ingredient. <br> <br> I knew I was fixing the pasta wrong because I was adding the wrong spices to the sauce, not adding butter and the other ingredients to the sauce, and not grating the cheese yet. Normally, the whole process takes two minutes to prepare to cook, seven minutes to cook, and six minutes to finish, for a total of fifteen minutes. This time, it took thirty, and it turned out terribly wrong. While I was fixing it, I was trying to act as normal as possible, and doing everything I could to not look directly at grandma, so she wouldn’t see my terribly big eyes. <br> <br> I grated the cheese on it and everything, and I went down to the Monopoly table to eat it. It tasted terrible. I could hardly eat it. I’d say 20% of it was that I cooked it wrong and 80% of it was the LSD making everything taste bad, and cutting my appetite down. Well, it isn’t that my appetite was cut in half; it’s just that everything tasted so bad that my appetite went down as a result of that, not just going down independently. I don’t know if that makes any sense (probably doesn’t, unless you experience it for yourself). I made an excuse that I had previously consumed a lot at school (which I kinda did, actually), so I put a majority of the pasta down the disposal. <br> <br> We finally started Monopoly at around 9:30 or 9:45 PM after getting sidetracked so many times. Playing it seemed normal in the beginning, besides the fact that whenever grandma would roll the dice and it would be within my peripheral vision, it looked like she was pointing straight into my eye, and that her hands were all blurry. <br> <br> However, as the game progressed, I noticed that I couldn’t jump the spaces like I normally could. No matter what I roll, I can usually jump without counting the individual spaces in accordance with the dice roll (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) by reasoning that States Avenue is three spaces past the corner, so rolling a nine would be 3 + 9 = 12, so two spaces from the next corner, so Chance. However, I couldn’t do this as accurately anymore because all of the spaces were kind of blending together making it impossible to move with my precision jumping. Even counting individually, I would skip a space (or two) or count the same space twice and other things like that, resulting in me having to do it all over again and use some reasoning after I moved to make sure it was correct (which I never have to do). <br> <br> Additionally, I laughed whenever I got a property, or when she got a property that I really liked, and I was constantly smiling throughout this whole episode. It was so, so easy to get sidetracked with this and that. Plus, with having as many excuses to go upstairs and look at my beautiful eyes as possible, it was very difficult to actually play the game. Whenever I would go into my room, I would write down my thoughts and the wondrous feelings that were going through my body. Between 9:00 PM and 10:30 PM when we finally finished was ninety minutes, and there was probably only thirty minutes of actual game-play. <br> <br> The next ritual of Friday nights is to call grandpa in to join us in a game of Sequence (a card game in which players discard cards and place tokens on corresponding spaces on the board in order to get a five-in-a-row “sequence” that is complicated by opponent’s blocking your plans and removing your tokens). The cards in this game look very different than normal playing cards (even though all they are is the numbers, aces, jacks, queens, and kings) in that they have different faces, uniforms, and accessories such as glasses, hand gestures, and the jacks either have one eye or two eyes (two-eyed jacks are wild, one-eyed are anti-wild: remove any opponent’s token from the board). The way these cards looked on LSD fascinated me. I couldn’t stop looking at them, and the patterns on their uniforms (along with everything around me in real life) was constantly moving and shifting shapes. <br> <br> I started to get this feeling of invincibility, like nothing could stop me. This ended up lasting well into the night. I ended up winning two of the three games, so it wasn’t like I had actually been invincible. I loved that feeling though. I got an image of myself, the Sandcastle136, holding the Queen of Clubs, the ten of Spades, and the Queen of Spades, being perfectly invincible. In my act of trying to be normal, my grandpa caught me in a few of my confusions with the game, but it was perfectly alright because I corrected my grandma with most of hers, which were much more numerous than mine, most likely just because she is getting old. <br> <br> Grandpa then went downstairs and I was trying to explain some new game that we got, to my grandma, but I got bored with it and my parents finally came home, so I abandoned that project. I put it away, and the rest of the night until I went into my room was kind of the same. The lights in the family room on the fan were rainbow-ed, and the fake plants at the top of the entertainment center had a certain… iridescent glow to them. I really can’t explain it, they seem to pop out, as if three-dimensional (because they were), but more so than usual… Like being in the three point fifth dimension. Oh, and they were moving, like wind was blowing through them. <br> <br> Sitting on that couch before I went to bed, I heard the most sound distortions I had ever heard before (well, the first, actually). Family that was sitting on the chairs were thumping their feet on the legs of the chairs occasionally (or maybe it was only one person doing this), but it sounded like knocks at the door. A whole bunch of the voices were sounding mechanical, in a way, and if I wasn’t paying attention to the voices, I could barely hear them over the distortion. The same ear-division thing was happening with hallucinations and real sounds. <br> <br> As I was looking at the carpet, I somehow linked Exago (the game I was explaining) and the carpet. The carpet was moving and almost forming hexagonal patterns. Every time I looked down at the carpet, I saw hexagonal patterns. Whenever I would go upstairs to go into the bathroom and turn off the lights or look at my eyes, I would look down off the balcony and realize that the floor seemed a lot closer, like the balcony was significantly less-higher-up than it actually was. I thought this was interesting. <br> <br> I went upstairs to my room at about 11:45 PM or 12:00 AM, and I turned on the TV. I played Robotron 2084 (an eighties arcade game) and I had those familiar feelings of invincibility. I was actually doing pretty well. While my score wasn’t high, my tactics of destroying the enemies was enhanced tenfold. When I was playing it, I felt like someone I knew, and I actually almost /became/ that person for a while there. While my thoughts did not change tremendously from my previous phase, I was convinced that I was this person. I got bored of that after a while, mostly because I wanted to be in my room, alone, uninterrupted, by telling my parents that I was going to sleep now. So, I couldn’t make any noise by continuing to play the game. <br> <br> Some Star Trek thing on some channel that I barely ever watch was on. Normally, I would change the channel until there was something that I liked that was on, but I didn’t really care about anything anymore; I was in a state of absolute carefree bliss. I noticed some of the faces were morphing, and I was really giggling at this. I was laughing myself to oblivion. That’s the best I can describe how hard I was laughing. If I moved my head or eyes, the faces would shift even more. I fooled around like this and noticed that it was like looking at things that had a wide-angle lens on it. I wrote a note of this on a piece of paper. Occasionally, some of the scenes in the television would turn into little blocks of squares for short periods of time, like the television wasn’t getting good reception or something. <br> <br> I noticed something else. I reasoned that if this were a wide-angle lens, then there would be a certain angle I could look at it that the screen would look normal. I tried different views, and I eventually got one where there were little to no morphing of the faces or the picture. I was thinking there was something wrong with the TV at first, but then I whispered to myself, “which is more likely? That’s there something wrong with an eight hundred dollar television or that this is a side effect of the psychedelic substance I’ve just ingested?” I became obsessed with asking myself this question, and I loved asking myself this. <br> <br> I tried to listen to some music, but I couldn’t because I didn’t have headphones, I’m not supposed to be listening to it, and they would hear it if I didn’t use headphones. I started feeling like Alice Liddell, I recognized. My room was the wonderland, and I was Alice, navigating throughout it. I had only read the book a few days before (well, Through The Looking Glass to be exact), so it was in my recent memory, so this is probably why this happened. <br> <br> I had an intense desire to draw. I got out a piece of paper and a black Sharpie and got to work. I drew a strange, cartoony-looking man with hair that stood up like static, a dimwitted expression, and simple arms, legs, and body structure. I then drew a face where his pants were supposed to be, and then I drew “Yeah man” next to it, like the face was saying it. I was so relaxed at the time that “yeah mannnnnnn…” was what I kept saying to myself as I was drawing. <br> <br> I kept adding and adding things on to this drawing (attached\linked) and pretty soon the entire page was filled with wacky illustrations that looked foreign to me; it was as if I didn’t draw them. Among the drawings were a gingerbread man that looked like he was either falling or running very rapidly, with his mouth blowing spit as he ran, claiming “Imma one kerazy jinjabrawn!!!” in a cartoon bubble. There was a “female” alien thing that looked like something you’d see from Invader Zim, a guy wearing a Santa-esque hat with a vest that had a whole bunch of buttons on strings hanging from them; they were different faces showing different emotions. I called him “the controller\keeper of emotions”. There was an awkward spider-like thing with a human-like face and expression on its face, yet it looked very cartoon-like. <br> <br> Everything I was drawing looked like it would appear in a cartoon. Similar to my bay leaf drawings, there was a cloud with a strange-ass expression on its face and leaves surrounding him that were in fact, supposed to be bay leaves. There was a face that has eyes of spades and clubs; a thing that had eyes like a fly; a dragonic-looking thin that was composed mostly of jagged sides like funky polygons you see in geometry books; a word I made up, lared; lines and geometric shapes filling in the empty spaces; a heart with a bunch of hearts rotating around them; a /bunch/ of square root signs; and finally, several faces that looked like they were either constipated, running very fast, or demented\insane\crazy. <br> <br> This drawing really entertained me. I am going to keep it and cherish it forever, like it is worth the world itself to me. I will never sell\trade it, only copies of it. The master copy will always be in my hands, because this is worth the world to me. <br> <br> All the time I was drawing this, I felt like I wanted to stop doing it, yet I kept going. I was getting very antsy sitting still for so long, and I had a lot of difficulty focusing, but it wasn’t like I was hyper or anything. I was very calm, but I just didn’t want to keep drawing, I would try to go off and do other things, but get drawn in by the hypnotic allure of the paper and get forced to draw some more. I only stopped when it was completely full and there wasn’t enough empty space to make any more drawings. I stated to myself that I wanted to draw another one, since these kinds of drawings only happen once in a great while, but I was just really tired of drawing. Despite my restlessness, I felt tired. <br> <br> I went to bed finally, at around 1:47 AM (I remember this because I made a note of it on that piece of paper), but it was very hard to do it. It was like having restless leg syndrome; I just could not keep my legs still because they felt light and like they were in a vat of Jell-O. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw those weird star patterns and heard whooshing and mechanical sounds, and it was very difficult to sleep. I did, eventually. <br> <br> I woke up at 7:00 AM, still feeling a slight bit of the effects. Nothing major, just slight dizziness, a little bit of sound distortion (nowhere near last night). I was wondering how bad it was, so I flipped on the television. If it was still working, this’d be a nice, relaxing, November 14th Saturday full of watching cartoons with faces that looked like stretched dough. Nothing was happening to the faces, they just looked different in a way, like the TV wasn’t in as high resolution as it could’ve been in; they were just slightly blurry every now and then, but otherwise fine. <br> <br> I was a bit thirsty, so in about thirty minutes I went up to get some water. I felt a little bit sleepy, but I kicked the feeling so I could see if this feeling would get any better (worse) and see if I would have any more hallucinations or very pleasant feelings. My stomach still felt a little bit queasy. I reasoned that I had about ½ or 1/3 of a hit left in my stomach at this point, because the feelings were so weak, but they were still there. <br> <br> Suddenly, I got another urge to draw, to see how the night’s drawing would compare with the morning drawing. This one (attached\linked) contained MZFLU decorated with a lot of different interior patterns and exterior outlining; an eight ball with a net around it; INVINCIBILITY inscribed in an awkward-looking font around a relaxed, happy-looking fellow with his tongue sticking out; a flower with a bunch of black-and-white waves coming out of it, a strange alien drawn on the Ace of Clubs; GOOD AND EVIL written below the flower, which also contained a thorny rose; I’D SAY IT’S MADE ME (improper grammar, I know) written on the side, underlined (which means, the person that gave these to me said “it either makes you or breaks you”, so I responded in this drawing); a weird, flattened cartoony skull; a crazy looking guy that looks the wind is blowing his hair that is hanging on the words MZFLU; a deformed Pacman chompin’ on them dots; a face that is composed of garlic for the eyes and a banana for the mouth; a Pacman ghost; a guy wearing a Santa hat with an eyeball for the ball part with a bloody smiley-face tattooed on his face and a wiggly tongue; a face with crescent ears and hair with crescents on the ends of the hairs; an outlined demonic looking thing (I call it Seton, which is ‘notes’ backwards, but sounds like ‘Satan’); and a bunch of geometric shapes and waves and random, insignificant faces to link them all together. <br> <br> This was another one I am going to keep forever. There are noticeable stylistic changes between the two drawings. My imagination is still expanded in the second drawing, but the way the lines are straighter, it looks more like something I would draw. The faces look more uniform and nicer, less cartoon-ish (which I think makes them look not-as-good), and I’m drawing more normal things. This style of black Sharpie on white paper has been repeated many times over by me when I am in a normal state of mind, and they look entirely different than these two. I like all of them, but nowhere near equally as much. <br> <br> It slowly got less and less powerful, it died off at around 12:00 PM, a little while after I ate something (which did not taste bad by the way, my appetite was only impaired by a little bit), and I took a nap afterwards, because I got tired. All in all, best day of my life.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 82595</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 24, 2012</td><td>Views: 30,837</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=82595&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=82595&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">58 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Before this trip, I had had a lot of previous experience with other psychedelics, especially acid, and had taken it on approximately 20 other occasions, the most I have ever taken at once being 7 (After over a month of not taking it, so my tolerance level would have been zero), and on none of these occasions had I ever had a bad trip; I had never reached a state where I was oblivious to the outside world, i.e. where all I could see were my hallucinations, I had not had one single bad experience. And at the time of the trip I'm going to describe, I had not regretted a single acid trip I had taken. So I decided to take 3 hits, approximately µg 260 on each tab, <span class="erowid-note">[Erowid Note: Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]</span> ignoring the very VERY important fact that I was coming off Escitalopram (SSRI), 20 mg daily, which I had been on for about a year, and had stopped taking them instantly without progressively lowering the dose, so I had been experiencing EXTREMELY severe paresthesia to the point of paralysis and black outs, constant light-headedness, headache, dizziness, insomnia, cold sweats- I was about a week into coming off it. Yes. I was an idiot to take acid at this point of SSRI withdrawal. <br> <br> This is everything that I can remember: <br> T+ 0.00 I took all three tabs at once, my friend (let’s call him T) taking two, and T’s girlfriend S taking one. I was at one of my closest friend’s house, a place where I feel completely safe and calm, with some of my best friends, 5 people in total including T and S, but my friend’s parents were in… And most importantly, my girlfriend and love of my life, wasn’t with me that night. I chew the tabs to death, then swallow, and lie down on my friend’s bed to smoke a big joint and wait for the drugs to take hold.<br> <br> T+ 0.45 I’m laughing hysterically and am extremely excitable and jittery. Very confused but in a good way, enjoying every second of it. Smoking high grade, really enjoying my Beatles/ Pink Floyd/ Bowie playlist…<br> <br> T+ 1.00- Here we go, I’m seeing shit. Walls breathing, objects melting, creeping, shifting. Just lying there and enjoying the hallucinations and making loads of jokes, not really able to string a sentence together. Time passes. Don’t ask me how much. I’m gonna say two hours but who knows.<br> <br> T+3.00- My friend T is tripping pretty damn hard and says he wants to get out of my friends hotboxed basement flat and get some fresh air and “go buy a can of coke” at around midnight. So, being on acid, I’m extremely suggestible, and I agree to go with him. Of course, no shops are open, but we go for a walk around the block anyway. Back on my friend’s road, there’s some drunk guy getting beaten up by these two guys… looks like they’re robbing him. I make T aware of what’s happening, and, for a second there’s a look of panic on his face. That look of panic triggers something in me and I sprint to my friend’s door, and ring his bell over and over again. He lets me and T back in. But the buzzer disturbed his parents. They see us. They know we’re on acid. I go back into my friend’s room and am blithering and panicking away, shouting at him “No-one can understand me except for T, and I can’t understand anyone except for T”, and I genuinely couldn’t understand a word anyone said. I just heard their voices… So I decided to sit down and smoke some more weed for about half an hour…<br> <br> T+4.00- There are sirens that get closer and closer and eventually stop right outside. I realise now that must have been an ambulance for that drunk dude earlier… but at the time I was convinced we were gonna get busted and so I gathered all the drugs in the room (of which there were many) and forced S (on her first trip) to stash them all in her bra. I then took all my possessions (Phone, iPod, wallet, house keys etc…) and put them down on the bed stating “I don’t want to have anything on me anyone can rob me for.” I’m panicking, I’ve started talking too loudly, shouting and screaming basically. The hallucinations are very intense; everything is moving, crawling, breathing… auditory too… music sounds like its coming out of strange places… strange noises everywhere. But we’re making too much noise and have been here far too long, so we decide to take to the streets, T, S and I. This is when I think I went into my bad trip, because before leaving my friend’s flat, I started having very bad “electric zaps” (paresthesia) that paralyzed my body and speech, and from now on I slip in and out of moments of lucidity, but mostly am stuck behind my hallucinations, seeing nothing but the horrifying imaginings of my mind. <br> <br> T+4.10- The friend whose flat I was at turned to me and grabbed my face and said “Listen to me, the world’s about to end. But it has to happen several times. Do you understand?” I said “What? Ok. Ok. What do I have to do?” “Just ride it out. It has to happen. It’s going to be hard, but it needs to happen sooner or later, and it happens to be now.” I then start screaming to my friends “It’s all me! It’s all me!” over and over again and laughing hysterically. They say “Yeah man. It’s in your head. It’s all you.” I then run out of the flat, and have another episode of brain spasms and palpitations. Then I pull myself off the floor and the sky above me is on fire. I don’t see a moon. I don’t see any stars. Just fire, everywhere, that spreads down the houses and onto the streets and I can see in the distance a wall of flames getting closer and closer. Then for some reason I start screaming and shouting, a nonsensical jumble of random swear words and cries. I turn back and run to my friend’s door, ringing the bell over and over. He answers, and I run inside to his bedroom. Then his girlfriend grabs me and says “OK, just stay calm. You’re doing well. Just keep going.” I then leave the flat again and S and T follow behind. I then see myself, S, and T walking down the street from an external viewpoint. When we reach the corner at the end of the road, a man throws me to the floor and shoots me in the head. Then I realise I’m walking down the street about to come to the corner. I turn to my friends and shout “Listen to me. I’m about to die. There’s nothing we can do but, I’m about to die ok?” They responded with “Shut up man, no-one’s gonna die” and things like that. I then ran back to the flat again and was ringing the bell a hundred times and my friend’s mother answered the door and I grabbed her face shouting “I’m going to die. I have to go. Help me, I’m going to die.” She then grabbed my face and said “You have to do it again. Go back outside.” <br> <br> T+ 4.30- When I left my friend’s house again I saw rows and rows of cars stretching out as far as I could see, and hundreds of people standing by the side of their cars, facing upwards with their hands up to the sky, waiting to be killed by the huge ball of flames that was engulfing the road, London, and the rest of the world. I then had some kind of a flashback and I was on a rooftop in Brooklyn where I had been tripping about a year before, and I was talking with T about death. I then realised that this trip was occurring at the same point in time as the trip on that rooftop nearly a year earlier, and that all events in my life have occurred simultaneously, and it is only my brain that created the illusion of time to help me process things (Read Slaughterhouse five by Kurt Vonnegut for more on this). Still on the rooftop from a year before, I realised that my friend T had actually jumped off the roof while tripping and fallen the 30 stories below to his death. His girlfriend S had later killed herself too, and I realised that the last 8-12 months of my life had all been a hallucination. I then realised that I was also dead, whether or not I had actually died at that point in time, and started laughing at the fact that I had ever been trying to avoid something that had already happened.<br> <br> T+5.30- I’m back on the streets of London with T and S, and I see from afar, all the people who are standing by their cars whispering to each other, one by one, from all the way at the bottom of the road, creating multiple chains of whispers getting closer to S, T and me. Whenever someone was whispered to, they would become completely enlightened and smiles would return to their faces and they would sit down and stop worrying about their deaths and just wait for it to happen. There are fireworks shooting into the sky everywhere and the flames are still there. I see the chains of whispers getting closer and closer from various different roads and then I realise that they are all going to meet simultaneously at one spot in the crossroads- where I am standing. So I will be the last one to be whispered to. I then see all of my friends who were still back at my friend’s flat, and they’re all standing talking to me, saying “It really is all you, man. It really is all you.” I then realised that I was the only person who could prevent the apocalypse, and I had to give every ounce of strength and love within me into fighting against the world ending. S whispers to T, and then T grabs me with a massive grin on his face and is about to shout something but then suddenly there’s a guy in the road who runs up to me and shoots me in the head. I fall to the floor, watching my brains and blood pour out onto the pavement next to me. I’m lying there, and I realise I’m about to die, and then T turns to me and says “You know what death is man? Imagine the best orgasm you’ve ever had, times it by a million, and you’re still nowhere near.” I then experienced basically exactly what he described. I felt an immense rush of euphoria/ nostalgia/ understanding/ enlightenment… fuck knows what. It was incredible. At this point I “come to”, in other words become lucid, as in back in the real world, for just a few minutes. I open my eyes and see a tree on the side of the street above me and the leaves are crawling and seeping everywhere. I’m sprawled out on the floor of the street and there’s a cigarette between my fingers, just lit. I smoke it and turn to T and say “That’s all life is man. It’s just a fucking cigarette. You fire it up, smoke it down to the butt, then stub it out and flick it down the drain.” I then started laughing hysterically and went back into my trip, I was gone again.<br> <br> T+7.00- T turned to me and shouted “Only joking! Death is actually the best acid trip you’ve ever had, multiplied by a million.” However then I realised I was at the point of death, the world was coming to an end, and everything was over. My vision was gradually getting darker from the edges of my eyes inwards, and I was slowly losing sight and slipping away, I was about to die. I started crying and whimpering and I realised the only hope I had was love. So I started screaming my girlfriend’s name over and over again, and shouting out things like “I believe in the power of good”, as well as “Love! Love!” again and again, and at first, my vision came back the louder I shouted, and although it was virtually impossible to muster the strength to shout out loud after having been shot in the face, whenever I did, I felt myself regaining a little bit of life. But it was no use and after a few minutes everything went black.<br> T+8.00- It’s the eve of the millennium and I’m in the back of the car with my dad driving, and the time on the clock reads 23:59. My dad is looking at me in the dashboard mirror with a slight smile on his face, wearing a very calm and sober expression.<br> <br> I say “Is (my girlfriend) ok?”<br> Yes. She’s at home, asleep.<br> And her mother and father?<br> Yes. They’re fine.<br> And mummy? Is mummy ok?<br> Yes. She’s asleep. She’s fine.<br> The car’s clock still reads 23:59. There are fireworks going off everywhere and we’re on a bridge, all the cars have stopped and everyone is standing by the side of their cars, but me and my dad are still inside ours. I look at my dad in the dashboard mirror and he smiles. The clock hits midnight.<br> I love you.<br> I love you too.<br> Then everything stops.<br> <br> The next morning- I wake up in my bed to the sound of birdsong. I pick up my phone and call my girlfriend. <br> Hi.<br> Oh my God my beautiful. Are you ok.<br> Yes, I’m fine.<br> Are you sure? Where are you? I love you. I love you so much.<br> I’m at home. Everything’s fine. I love you. <br> What happened?<br> You took acid.<br> <br> My dad told me later that day that the night before, I had taken acid, had had a bad trip, and was running through the streets of London shouting and screaming at people, running in the middle of the road, and at T+8.00, he had to come and pick me up and drive me home. I later asked T and S if there had been any fireworks that night, they said no. I also asked my dad if we went over a big bridge at any point. He said no.<br> <br> I think about that night every day. I run through everything I can remember in my head, and try to work it out, but I don’t really get anywhere. There are about 4-5 hours in total of my trip that I have no recollection of at all. There was a lot of other stuff I saw that night that I can’t remember now. I think that’s probably a good thing.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 90041</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 28, 2012</td><td>Views: 24,562</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=90041&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=90041&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Nature / Outdoors (23), Music Discussion (22), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3.5 g</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms - P. cubensis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(dried)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gel tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> My culmination of mushroom experiences has led me to believe that there are mushroom spirits and that use of psychedelic mushrooms grown in 'labs' and indoors with the intention of tripping leaves one vulnerable to any harm whether psychological or physical by these spirits. I truly believe use of the fungus should be left to shamans of native peoples who harvest the fungus from the natural environment and invoke and commune with the mushroom deities, I have been hospitalized on two occasions, both times against my will, but the one time I had called 911 to tell them I died. It was a complete ego death experience in which all visual connection with reality took place and after the inner journey there were blackouts and when conscious thought and awareness of my environment returned I believed I was somehow dead even though I was moving around and had my eyes open. <br> <br> This experience is the pinnacle disaster and ignorance of my drug use as a teen. The introduction is quite lengthy to include my previous experiences with drugs up until this trip and also my current views on drug and psychedelic use. <br> <br> My prior drug and entheogenic use includes but is not limited to marijuana, lsd, mushrooms, ketamine, 2-ct-2, mdma, mda, dxm, alcohol, nitrous, opiates, benzos, amphetamines, and cocaine with other drugs that I know have been taken but am unable to recall. <br> <br> I am now 24 years old, this particular experience occurred ten years ago at age 14 and I do believe it changed my life in a detrimental way, mainly socially and behaviorally but I feel grateful for being able to realize this and live a wholesome, positive, and reformed way of life that does not involve using substances and entheogens to 'further' my understanding of life and reality. I have come to the conclusion that psychedelics and drugs are not the highest way, but in fact they are the opposite way, to any sort of spiritual awakening and ultimate understanding, especially the way they are viewed and used in American culture i.e. dead heads, Timothy Leary, Terrence McKenna neo-shamans, psychonauts, etc. <br> <br> I am hoping someone reads this and a lightbulb goes on over their head and snaps them out of the spell of psychedelics and using drugs, even for more 'noble' or 'spiritual' purposes if that is what you are using them for. No doubt my curiosity and desire to use drugs and psychedelics has come from influence from American counter culture, peers, and filling my head with information and stories from places like Erowid. A desire to see things in a different light, solve psychological problems, and deepen my knowledge of life itself was the fuel for my entheogenic and psychedelic use. However I can now see that hallucinations and visions are mere 'distractions' and 'distortions' from any true sort of understanding or light, and that the insights and wisdom gained from using entheogens is not ultimately beneficial or helpful in any way to solving problems or attaining true wisdom, sure it may allow you to see things in your life you were not aware of before and could not understand, but I know in my heart that it is a false path and has no real merit in it, just a self absorbed delusional idea that one has seen some kind of enlightenment through entheogens. <br> <br> Entheogens may allow one to see into spaces of reality that do actually exist beyond our ordinary awareness, but of what real value is it? What about the hallucinations that aren't even real or grounded in any kind of reality and all the negative and bad things and forces one can encounter while on these substances? If I want to learn about myself or the world I would be better off finding a path with some real merit or truth in it that does something to help other people and make the world a better place. If drugs and psychedelics have any true merit in them, then why is it that most people involved in them deeply are 'drop outs' both whether in school and life or are 'out there' with their minds and view of the world not at all grounded in reality. Why is it that parents feel so much agony and sorrow when they're kids are involved in them? Is it an ignorance to the drug or plant? I don't think so, it is the lifestyle they foster and the lack of any truth, light, merit, value in using them, just a false sense of being tuned in to some truth when in reality you are just exploring delusional spaces that aren't tied to reality. However I will acknowledge that people do have experiences that are healing and life-changing, but that continued use with any entheogens and psychedelics is often abandoned after such an experience. <br> <br> On to the trip report. The times are a rough but pretty accurate representation, the content of what happened is recalled as if took place was last week, this experience is being written 10 years from the occurrence. <br> <br> Set: I am a freshman in high school who has been smoking pot heavily with his teenage friends for the past year or two, we all have been looking up to and trying to emulate the older 'hippie' kids in our high school as we think they are the 'in' crowd to be a part of. My previous drug use includes social drinking of alcohol, heavy marijuana use, mild doses of lsd - a sugar cube that was dosed very weak and the same with some white on white, so as not to bug a young teen out, I guess it was a nice thing of the source to do in retrospect. The only effects experienced were mild visual i.e. patterns in wood and walls swimming and swirling, feeling of spatial distortions i.e. environment getting bigger and smaller but nothing really mental going on. Also a full blown lsd experience with 2 hits of very potent spiderman blotter in which the meaning of 'tripping' was discovered, with pretty bad depression and lack of talking on the come down, probably due to the extremely intense elation and euphoria never before experienced in my life that the drug was giving me, my friend said he never saw me so happy. Another trip with spiderman blotters took place at a Phil Lesh and Friends show. Not really any intense mushroom experiences I can recall at this point but I am not a 'virgin' to tripping due to the spiderman experiences. <br> <br> Setting: This trip begins at an Allman Brothers concert at Darien Lake Amusement Park, New York State. Three friends and I have been going to these types of hippie concerts i.e. Phil Lesh and Friends, String Cheese Incident, etc. because that's what the older kids are doing and there must be something of value in doing this. I for one could give two shits about the music and am just going because I am caught up with these druggie/hippie counter culture type of kids and I am wearing tie dies and acting like some kind of hip druggie because I think hippie culture and smoking weed and tripping have something of value in them. The desire to use psychedelics at this point is a blind curiosity and association with the wrong crowd (I now clearly see the true state of drugs and entheogens and why people use them, and my use back in high school was nothing more than delinquent.) <br> <br> T + 0:00 - 3.5g of dried <i>P. cubensis</i> has been acquired and is ingested by me and one other friend, the other two are waiting to acquire lsd in the lot at the Allman Brothers concert. <br> <br> T + 0:45 - Starting to doubt that the mushrooms were any good however mild effects were coming on, mainly a nervous jitteriness that your primal nature knows something big is taking place to your mind and body, a poisoning by psilocybe so to speak. By random chance we encounter the guy who sold us the shrooms and being an impatient smug brat I immediately start questioning him as to the genuineness of his fungi. He fires back that is hasn't even been an hour yet and assures us they are worthy specimens and that is end of that. <br> <br> T + 1:00 - We encounter a genuine man and his female partner selling some lsd, he has both orange gel tabs and pyramid blotters - said to be fresh and very potent, he was using tweezers to handle the blotter for chrissakes. The man is certified legit after a lengthy conversation reveals his intentions and persona. Both of each acid are purchased by all four of us. The two friends who didn't ingest fungus immediately dose 2 hits each. The one friend who ate fungus with me takes one blotter himself, and for some unknown reason I take 2 gel tabs along with 2 pyramid blotters. (I do not recall why such an amount was taken, perhaps the mushrooms were starting to affect judgement.) The doses were taken as if I had dismissed the mushrooms as not working, never ever turn your back on a drug as Fear and Loathing would say. What a horrible mistake: not only in taking more than one blotter after being clearly warned about the potency of the lsd but nearly having forgot about ingesting 3.5 grams of psilocybe mushrooms. (I have much experience with mushrooms especially at high doses, +5 grams, and can now vividly recall the distinct feeling of coming up looking back at this experience. My naivety and ignorance at the time and lack of waiting for the effects to grow led me to dismiss them as 'not working'.) <br> <br> T + 1:15 - 1:45 - Ok, something big is happening. A silliness has swept over us and I recall walking through the parking lot to go head into the venue, definitely feeling the effects growing fast. The feeling of a practical joke is present simply from walking around, taking a step has become something of a game and is hilarious, I start speaking and counting out loud: abc, 123; this elementary behavior has become riotous and laughter ensues at nothing. Perhaps the fungus has brought on the lsd very quickly and things are going downhill fast. It feels like a storm is setting in: I can vividly remember the atmosphere growing darker and just losing touch with my surroundings as this haze is setting in. <br> <br> T + 2:00 - 2:30 - We have just been patted down before being let inside the gates to the venue, however no paranoia is present as there is nothing to be found and we are aware of this. The band is not on stage yet and we are going in to find a spot on the lawn. At this point things keep getting hazier and hazier and any hilarity has disappeared. My mind can't make out what is happening to it, the amount of drugs taken was absurd and simply way too far beyond my ability to comprehend the effects or remain in control. Shortly after we enter the venue all control of myself, thoughts, and actions is lost. However, I remain vividly aware and conscious of the experience as my mind is swept away in a constant thought loop of several major things in my life and consciousness. This state can be likened to being a puppet with strings and the drugs are pulling the strings, there is no control over the experience at this point, my mind has been taken over and I am 'swept up' in the thought loops which can only be described roughly as it was beyond any reasoning or sanity, it was lunacy in it's purest sense. <br> <br> T + 2:45 - My friends are having a great time except for the fact they are dearly frightened at the state I am in, they know I am 'bugging out' and am not really there at this point. I remember at one point taking bills out of my wallet and trying to set fire to them and my friends and people around realizing how far gone this kid was, this is most likely because this money was stolen from my parents to buy drugs with and my subconscious was speaking up and trying to burn the money at being such a disrespectful and ungrateful child. (My other friend took money from his parents bank account to buy weed with, so it was through him I learned to do this and it was fueled by a heavy marijuana habit and mental addiction to drugs, and being a bad teenager, a troublemaker who didn't weigh whether his actions were right or wrong, and was only concerned with chasing pleasures and catching a good buzz even at the expense of his own parents.) Not much else can be put into words at this point. <br> <br> T + 3:00 - 6:00 - My mind has fully been swept up into a constant thought loop and I am constantly traversing physically back and forth from the bathroom to the spot on the lawn where my friends are, literally walking back and forth for hours to this spot and the restroom. I recall in the back of my head hearing and seeing people watching me people and commenting 'Holy shit this kid is bugged out' 'That dude is gone' 'He is definitely bugging out'. It was as if I was a passenger aboard this train that I had no idea who was controlling it or where it was going, I was stuck in a loop. Two obsessions buried deep in subconscious are the content of the loop and my mind takes turns jumping from one loop to the other. <br> <br> The one loop was my marijuana habit and mental addiction, there was a vision of a transparent bud beating like a hear right above and in front of my head, I would have the word 'nugget' play in my working memory nonstop and simultaneously be watching this clear pulsing nugget of weed in my 'mind's eye' which seemed like a little above and in front of my head. I was mumbling nugget to myself during this time endlessly. The other loop I would jump to upon entering the bathroom and staring in the mirror for some time upon each return from the lawn was that of 'dreadlocks' as I so envied people with long fat dreadies back then. All of our friends and myself thought that dreadlocks were the coolest thing and meant you were a real 'head', no doubt instilled in me from frequenting Phish and Dead shows and envying the style of many 'heads' there. The desire to have dreads was strong due to this. I was pulling and playing with my hair in the mirror and mumbling dreadies walking in and out of the bathroom. I don't know where one loop began and the other ended but it seemed to alternate randomly. The loops were these two obsessions in my subconscious brought into working memory and spun out into lunacy. The whole experience during this time is remembered like I was having a vivid dream, the absence of reality is distinct and seems like a muffled noise outside the walls of this insanity I was experiencing. <br> <br> T + 6:00 - I have left the show as I was not even aware of the music being played and didn't even like the Allman Brothers to begin with. I am having more rational thoughts now and can make out better what was going on in my mind. Hallucinations if any are besides the point and the mental themes seem to be what I am aware of. I start regretting being here and am realizing the negativeness and wrongness of my actions. My conscious mind is returning to me. I am still tripping hard at this point but after returning from that place of insanity I somehow have a feeling of control over the experience come back. I realize that I am just 'posing' as a hippie and am trying to emulate this way of life and am so infatuated with my appearance and being cool and trying to dress like these people. This idea is strangely reinforced outside the venue when I walk by a person about my age in an Allman Brother's tie die who asks me 'if I have a piece of gum' with what seemed like a very nerdy voice. I immediately had a revelation that this kid had no idea who the Allman Brother's really were or why they played the music they did, and felt sorry for this kid who was probably trying to be cool and find a place among 'hippies' in his school or some other ulterior motive for really being there. Another insight I had upon returning from that awful peak took place just as my conscious thoughts returned. I thought that it was horrible that this could happen to such a young person as myself, and I felt so small and vulnerable and lost and worried as to why people would sell such drugs to people so young and how dangerous what just happened was. <br> <br> T + 7:00 - I call my father to pick me up and don't even bother trying to find my friends, we were getting separate rides home anyways, at this point I can act and speak 'normal' but visuals, trails, and a sense of inebriation is still strongly present. I can act fine around my dad however when he arrives. There was a feeling of sinking into the ground at this point both walking around and on the car ride home. When I got home I went to my room and prepared to go to sleep with visuals still present as I was seeing stars 'dancing around' on my wallpaper. That night was probably the worst of my life, I was filled with terrible regrets from taking money from my parent's and devising ways to apologize and admit it to them. I also realized how my drug use had made me very selfish and closed off from being a good person, and how mean and negative I was to my sister and how little I spoke with her let alone tried to be a good brother. I felt like a failure as a son and depression set in for the rest of the night and didn't dissipate until I was exhausted in the morning after a sleepless night and the tumble through insanity yesterday. The next day it was revealed that I stole the money and that really crushed my parents especially my mother. However my drug use continued on after that and any insights into my problems and faults was quickly lost in the coming weeks. <br> <br> After thoughts: I think an experience like this really wrapped me up into the counter culture, inner explorer lifestyle I was trying to emulate and shut me out to the world around me. Being so focused on those thought loops and staring into the mirror in the bathroom no doubt created an obsession with 'hippie' appearance that lasted throughout my first couple years in high school as well as habitual marijuana use. It was not until I went to rehab in my freshman year of college, after having abandoned the 'hippie' lifestyle and quitting marijuana for sometime, but getting heavily into speed, benzos, drinking, and cocaine that made rehab a clear choice to make. Having taken up martial arts when I was 18 and practicing meditation and finding a faith and way of life that is truly positive and healthy, have I come to see why people seek an entheogenic experience for whatever reasons. If I have kids I now realize how important it is to teach them how to be a righteous person and really be aware of what they're kids are involved in especially coming into the teen years. Association with positive role models and friends is crucial for the development of a strong, responsible, and stalwort individual. I am glad that I will tread no further down the path of psychedelic use as that is a road I do not want to see the end of for I know where it leads to.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2002</td><td width="90">ExpID: 88252</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 14</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 2, 2012</td><td>Views: 12,584</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=88252&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=88252&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66), LSD (2) : Festival / Lg. Crowd (24), Combinations (3), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Beer/Wine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This entire event transpired on the Saturday night before Halloween. I was visiting my cousin, James (not his real name) and his girlfriend, Sherry (not her real name) at their house about three hours away from where I live. I was planning to visit them for the weekend and together attend a very festive Halloween house party that had a phenomenal psychedelic-jam band playing there all night. I was excited; I knew it was going to be a great night with some great friends. <br> <br> After suiting up in our costumes and arriving at the party/concert, we all decided to drop some acid before the music started. This was 30-something-th time for me so I was pretty comfortable with the drug and familiar with what to expect. However, having taken this specific batch of acid multiple times before, I decided I was comfortable enough with it to up the dosage to 2 hits – which was something I’ve never done before. I’ve taken a hit then taken another several hours after peaking, but never have stacked two together simultaneously. “I’ve got this shit,” I thought as I dropped the blotter paper in my mouth. “This is business as usual.” <br> <br> While waiting for the L to kick in, I decided to just take a little dip of molly – not too much; 100mg seemed about right. I figured this would ease the tension I always get when waiting for the acid to hit. About an hour later, I was feeling GOLDEN! I had an amazing body high. I was jamming to the music and was completely perplexed by the setup of on-stage lighting effects. I was very familiar with what I was feeling. It was just more intense, but nothing uncomfortable or foreign. With these two hits of L paired with a smidge of molly, great music, a few beers and great friends and family all around me, I was on cloud nine. I was experiencing different dimensions of reality and different ways of experiencing music. I felt like nothing could have brought me down. <br> <br> Shortly afterwards, a friend of mine who was there, Charles (not his real name), lit a blunt and passed it to me. He and I both shared it as we danced to the music. This is where I made a poor decision. I have an uneasy history with marijuana. I’m not an avid smoker, but the occasional times I DO decide to toke up, I will sometimes find myself dizzy, confused, stupid, and completely unaware of my surroundings. I didn’t know it then, but adding a hefty dose of cannabis to what was already in my system was a recipe for complete and utter chaos, ESPECIALLY with my history of becoming paranoid and irritable while under its influence. I should have known better. <br> <br> About 5 minutes later, all I remembered was that I was completely overwhelmed with sensory input and was suddenly very ill-equipped to process reality now that I was high. I had become disoriented, confused, and very uneasy with my surroundings. “I’ve gotta get outta here,” I thought. “I need to get out in the open.” So I left the dance floor and escaped to the exterior of the house. I decided to retreat from the party and head back to the tent I had pitched in the close-by field. James and Sherry’s tent was right next to mine. I thought it would be best to just sit down in the grass, relax and just take it all in. It only got worse. I starting to forget where I was, who I was, how I got to where I was, what time it was, and even who I was with. This complete stupor was most likely a result of the cannabis, because in the past with taking just acid alone, I’ve stayed sharp. I may have been tripping, but at least I was still sharp and in tune with my surroundings. This time was different. I wasn’t just tripping. I was beginning to lose my entire grip on reality. The full moon was surrounded by swirling kaleidoscopic patterns of color. The trees around me were composed of fractal, geometric structures. Everything was FUCKED! <br> <br> At this point, I panicked and managed to pull out my phone and dial James up for help. “James, you’ve gotta get out here! I’m having a bad trip and am starting to lose it!” <br> <br> “Alright, I’ll be right there,” he reassured me. <br> <br> James had always been there for me when I needed him. He was a mentor to me; someone I had looked up to for a long time. He is a very kind and open-minded individual, which is something I had always admired about him. He was also very experienced with LSD and knew how to navigate through its waters with ease. Shortly after I hung up the phone, he came out to check on me. I told him I was starting to lose it – that I was having trouble recalling where I was and who I was. At this point, he thought I was kidding around with him and playing a game. <br> <br> “You KNOW who you are,” he replied. “You cannot be serious. C’mon, act like an adult, here.” <br> <br> I began rattling off facts about myself. I told him my name, where I was born and who my parents were. At that moment, I began thinking about my family -- specifically my mother, my father, and my sister. While trying to remember my family and the memories I had with them, I think James was trying to explain the universe to me (I honestly cannot vividly remember). He was talking to me about atoms and energy and waves and LSD and thoughts and emotions. All the while, I was trying to hold on to the memories of my family that were slipping away from my mind. On one hand, I’m trying not to lose the memories of my family that are near and dear to me. On the other hand, my cousin was severely fucking with my head (which I don’t believe he was doing on purpose) trying to calm me down and explain things to me. <br> <br> Nevertheless, I began FREAKING OUT! I somehow got it in my head that this man in front of me was evil and was attempting to steal my childhood memories of my family from me. In hindsight, what scared me the most was the fact that, at that point, I lost all connection with reality and no longer recognized James as my cousin. All I knew was that I was losing the memories of my family forever and the person talking to me was responsible for this. This was NOT okay with me! All I wanted was to feel my mother and father’s love one last time before I was sure I’d never see or remember them again. My fight or flight instinct kicked in. I remember swinging at him and wrestling around with him for a while. I tried booking it and taking off running, desperately attempting to get away from James so I can catch my memories before they were completely gone. He caught up to me and tackled me. I didn’t know it then, but he did this out of love and concern. He didn’t want me running off into the street or getting lost while completely blitzkrieged out of my gourd. When he tackled me, I thought I was getting attacked and was about to be beat to death. “Oh my god, this is it. I’m about to get killed. I’m going to die!” I thought. <br> <br> I began screaming, “Help! Get off me! I don’t know you!” Almost as soon as those words left my mouth, I heard him trying to calm me down. “Shhhh. It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re just having a bad trip.” Right then a stranger ran up to me. He smiled, told me his name, and that everything was going to be alright. This kid was very calm and very welcoming. Just his presence alone made me feel calm again. I began talking with him and immediately started calmeding down. I explained to him that I was losing the memories of my family – that all I wanted was to feel their love one last time before they were gone forever (which I still believed by the way, I believed James was taking my family away from me). He told me to try and remember my parents; I couldn’t. I had very little memory of who I was and where I came from. <br> <br> This is what is called ego-death: losing your sense of you. I had heard about it before, but had never experienced it for myself until that night. It was the most terrifying thing I had ever experienced. I was gone. I had no memories and no recollection of who I was. Everything and everyone was completely foreign to me. I began panicking even more. “Fuck!! I’m forgetting my family and my friends!!” I thought. “I must be dying!” I realized that if I was dying and losing my memories, then my parents were going to be gone forever. To this day, my parents are deeply religious. Up until I was 18 or so, I practiced Christianity with my parents. Although I was no longer religious or believed in the Christian doctrine, I had become convinced that I was losing my family because they were leaving me behind in this life because I wasn’t following in their religious footsteps. Don’t ask me how. Don’t ask me why, but that idea somehow was very plausible to me at the time...probably from the years and years the childhood, religious indoctrination I had lodged in my subconscious mind. <br> <br> I was convinced that my family and all my memories of them were leaving me, and it was all because I went astray from the religious upbringing I was brought up under. I somehow thought I was going to be without them for the rest of my existence unless I could make them want to come back for me. I climbed the house’s pool fence in order to get as high up to the sky as I could. I reached out to the full moon and began desperately screaming, “NOOO! NOOOOOO!! DON’T LEAVE ME!!! MOM!! DAD!!! I’M SORRY! DON’T LEAVE ME!! JESUS!!!! JESUS!!! JESUS!!!! MOM!! DAD!!! I’M SO SORRY!!! DON’T LEAVE ME!!!” <br> <br> I had never been more terrified in my life. Here I was in the middle of this party screaming out at the top of my lungs for Jesus, not because I suddenly believed in the trinity or wanted to become a Christian, but because I thought it was the only way my family and would accept me and return to me; to me, it was the only feasible way to get my memories of them back. <br> <br> At this point, everyone at this party was either freaking out or just staring at me, either laughing hysterically or too shocked to know what to do. <br> <br> Now feeling like I had lost my family, I felt as if I somehow transitioned into a world devoid of all love, compassion, warmth, and kindness. I just collapsed on the ground too fucked up to even remember I had taken 2 hits of acid and had smoked a blunt. I was convinced I was now dead and stuck in an eternal world without love or joy. At this point Charles came up to me to make sure I was alright. I was so fucked up, I didn’t even recognize him. All I saw were people in their Halloween costumes and believed everyone was out to get me...to kill or rape me. I completely freaked out and swung and Charles, hitting him right in the face. I took off running again. <br> <br> I ran into James and explained to him that I just wanted to feel love again. I just wanted to feel the kind of compassion that my mother and father gave to me all throughout my life. I just wanted to be able to love others and be loved. He took me over to Sherry and had her comfort me. She hugged me and told me everything was going to be alright. I looked at her and recognized her as someone I knew, but not as my cousin’s girlfriend. All I knew was that I was being reassured by someone I vaguely recognized who really did genuinely care for me and love me as family. I felt like she helped pull me out of the dark space I was in. I started feeling relief. I didn’t know what to do other than to try to kiss her out of sheer gratitude. Almost as soon as I attempted this, I immediately was hit with the realization that I just tried to kiss someone that I shouldn’t have been trying to kiss. Looking back, I am sure I would have tried to kiss anyone, male or female, (probably even James or Charles) if he or she was the one who pulled me out of that dark state of mind. Sherry just happened to be the person that did just that and ended up getting caught in the crossfire of my nasty trip. <br> <br> I think at this point, the kind stranger (who later introduced himself as Jared) stepped in and said, “Let’s go for a walk.” The next thing I knew, I was walking down an empty street with him trying to recollect what had just happened. I was trying to gather any memory of who I was and how I arrived at the place I was in. Just walking down this silent, empty street surrounded by green traffic lights was both peaceful and haunting. I was completely convinced that because my memory had completely been erased, I had died and was transitioning into my next stage of existence. I felt as if he and I were the only beings left in the lonely world we were walking together through. He told me he was my guide and that I would find my parents again soon. I kept telling him I was no longer myself but had died and was waiting to be born again into a new body. I was telling him of all the things I wished I could have done and all the things I wish I could have said to my friends and family before I died. I told him how selfish I was to my parents all through my childhood – how I never gave them back the love they so dearly deserved in return from me. I began weeping after suddenly realizing I could have given so much more back to the world before I died if I wasn’t so selfish. I didn’t care that I was being watched. At that point, I had nothing to prove to anyone; emotions just flowed freely through them and I wore them on my sleeve. <br> <br> Jared then hit me with stunning news: <br> <br> “You’re not dead,” he said. “You had just mixed LSD and marijuana to the point where you forgot everything you had even known. You are very alive, but your ego – your sense of self – is completely dead.” <br> <br> Ironically enough, I had then looked up and gazed across the street to see a church with a giant cross lit up on the side of it. <br> <br> “My parents are in there!!” I exclaimed. I didn’t realize or remember this then, but since a very young age, I had always associated the symbol of a cross with my mother. So seeing this giant, lighted cross somehow immediately convinced my subconscious mind that both my extremely religious mother and father, whom I thought I had lost forever, were in this church. Jared and I walked around the church for a bit. I don’t think he knew this, but I was looking for a way in. I told him that my parents were trapped in there and that I needed to get in the church to be reunited with them. He suggested instead that I sit down and evaluate my life – what I didn’t like about myself, what I wanted to change about myself, what I want out of life, and what I should do to mend my broken relationship with my parents. <br> <br> We sat in front of this church for a while just facing the street. I sat thinking to myself with Jared by my side for what felt like hours. After a while, the LSD and marijuana began to subside. My memories began coming back to me. I was so relieved to know I hadn’t died and would be able to see my family again. Almost as soon as I became overjoyed with the awareness that I was alive and actually didn’t lose my memories, I began to remember everything had transpired that night. <br> <br> “Oh fuck…I crashed a party, didn’t I?” <br> <br> “yeah...” Jared said. <br> <br> “Oh my god...oh my god...I attacked James!” <br> <br> “He’s fine,” Jared reassured me. “You should just feel grateful you didn’t end up in jail, or worse, dead in the middle of the street.” <br> <br> I took a while to gather my thoughts and attempt to meaningfully recollect everything that happened that night. I remembered struggling and wrestling with James not knowing he was James. I remembered attempting to kiss Sherry not knowing she was Sherry. I remembered screaming at the moon in terror and agony thinking it would keep the memories of my parents and my sister return to me. <br> <br> “God, I’m pathetic,” I thought. “I made a complete basket case of myself in front of friends, family, and strangers. The only way I’m going to recover from this, is if I take a few lessons from this and learn from them.” That is exactly what I did and am still striving to do now. As I was coming back to Earth and regaining my footing with reality, I began asking myself, “Now what? Where do I go from here?” <br> <br> It didn’t take long to realize the biggest lesson I was taught from that night was that my parents and I have a lot of unfinished business; I am not ready to lose either one of them yet. They both needed to know how much I truly love and care for them. The following morning, on the drive back to my house, I called both of them and told them I was thinking about both of them and that I loved them very much. Just doing that seemed to fill a big hole in my life. I can’t remember the last time I had said that to them. <br> <br> I also learned (relearned actually) that the universe will fuck you sideways if you’re not willing to accept what it’s presenting to you and deal head on with personal issues that LSD forces you to see in yourself. <br> <br> I learned that mixing marijuana with LSD is a bad idea...at least for me. It was a very unsettling feeling for me to be so sideways, I didn’t know who I was and what was real anymore. Never again, do I want to get to the point where I fail to recognize friends and family or become senselessly violent. This scared me because I am not a violent person in the least; I am usually very friendly to others. <br> <br> Lastly, I learned that I am not invincible. This may sound silly, but until that night, I have always walked through life believing that nothing terribly bad could ever happen to me and that traumatic events always happened to “the other guy.” I couldn’t have been more wrong. I don’t care what anybody says. I died that night. I may not have died physically, but I got as close to death as I could ever imagine...to the point where I felt I had once been that way before I was born: without any sense of self or memory. I’m sure it would have been beautiful had I been expecting it and had been in that space under different circumstances. <br> <br> After all was said and done, everyone I had negatively affected that night had forgiven me, even James, Sherry, and Chuck. I feel there were more people who felt sorry for me than there were people who were angry or scared of me. In fact, the following day, I came to find out that many of the party-goers thought it was one of the funniest, most epic meltdowns they had ever seen. Apparently, according to James, some people, at first, thought I was putting on a hilarious act when I was climbing the fence screaming with every fiber of my being. Although, it was very real for me, I am glad there was entertainment value for others that came out of it. For me, it was a valuable lesson the universe taught me.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 98101</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 25</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 12, 2012</td><td>Views: 39,901</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=98101&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=98101&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Alcohol - Beer/Wine (199), Cannabis (1), MDMA (3), LSD (2) : Large Group (10+) (19), Bad Trips (6), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">115 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> At around 3 pm yesterday, my friend and I each received one dose of acid in the form of Sour Patch Kids and ate them in her dorm room, neither of us having eaten anything else that day. The last time we tripped with two tabs of this particular dealer's acid we got subtle visuals and the trip lasted only around 6 or 7 hours. We decided to stagger our trip this time just to experiment with potentially stretching out its duration. After rolling up two spliffs in my room we ventured off towards the dealer's house. We smoked them both over the course of the ten or so block walk there and I searched for hints of psychedelia in the sky. Other than the clouds seeming particularly beautiful in a vague, intangible way, nothing seemed quite different yet. <br> <br> We met the dealer in the middle of an intersection and he brought us into his house and started dosing two more Sour Patch Kids. This is when we learned he had just made a new batch which was supposed to be like 'a trip and a half' (according to his first customers). My friend and I each ate one more at about 4:30 pm. When we left his house, the outside world had changed. <br> <br> This was my first time taking acid in broad daylight outside a city setting. In the suburban town we're in, the trees are very tall and vibrant; walking around on acid they glowed, each soft leaf in its own distinct way. My friend and I were in awe by the different fractal patterns of each tree and traced the unfathomably deep grooves in the bark. We hadn't made it out of our dealer's intersection yet and decided to just sit on the curb and enjoy the surroundings we had familiarized ourselves with. The different greys within the pavement by us shifted around and began to create the same circling, tribal mask/contoured face pattern that I so far always have seen after taking psychedelics (shrooms, lsd), and even at this point in the come up the hues of the designs were slightly more prominent than the subdued visuals I had at the peak of the last trip. Windows of nearby houses seemed like they were slightly waving, and this one particular translucent curtain was slightly melting as it blew in the wind. Meanwhile, my friend and I were debating whether or not we were seeing a unicorn or a seahorse in an epic violet cloud roaring its way through the sky. I thought of James and the Giant Peach, my favorite childhood movie, and felt like a child as we began to walk back. <br> <br> Our suburban neighborhood was slowly turning into Halloween town in many different ways. For one thing, the entire avenue was breathing and beginning to distort, but also the houses on the block had been decked out with decorations. It's that time of year! My friend and I felt so genuinely excited at that moment, being completely in touch with the bite of the cold and pointing out glistening orange leaves. <br> <br> Eventually we were back in her dorm room. She played industrial music on her speakers which I normally don't listen to but found myself quite enjoying the heavy percussion and bass. As we listened in silence, I stared into her dresser, watching the remarkably different hues move in front of each other and swim around in the wood. Her floor was beginning to look very tribal and I confronted a couple more realistic looking faces in the linoleum tiles. <br> <br> Then, we remembered our two other friends were tripping as well -- at 2 pm they had taken two tabs -- and decided to reconvene with them, though after going to my room so I could put on a bunch of sweaters. Walking through the hallways of the dorm gave me a headrush feeling with slow panning-out visuals, similar to the Dali zoom. My room felt and looked very blue (in terms of energy and physical appearance) and we felt very comfortable in it, and after getting warm I crawled on top of my bed. My friend and I gazed at my ceiling, which I had put glow-in-the-dark stars on. The bumpy paint job was a sand bed for the starfish-like stickers that were crawling and sliding around. We decided to watch an episode of Xavier Renegade Angel ('Going Normal') and each got shock-like sensations/the chills sporadically throughout the 20 minute long video. By the end of my episode we had slumped into my comforter and both found our positions to be pretty hilarious. <br> <br> We left the residence hall in a laughing fit, meeting two other friends on the bench in the Quad who had no idea what we were up to. My friend and I kept to ourselves, commenting on the floating skateboarders and hockey players and otherwise common pedestrians that made up campus life. We called our friends and desperately wanted to meet them but couldn't because they were tripping so hard that they couldn't tell us where they were. Eventually they appeared behind us with a group of people and we all mingled in different circles. The muddy ground in front of the bench had a lot of faces in it now, as did the pavement leading back into the residence hall, the clouds in the sky, and the bark on the great tree in the quad. <br> <br> The four of us day trippers decided to get weird, returning to the dorm and finding this trio of boys listening to rap music who were incidentally also tripping on acid. We contemplated going to the main dining building to get food. As at this point human interactions seemed incredibly weird to my one friend and I, one of the two we had met up with, we concluded it was the only thing to do, and that it would be a challenge, like Fear and Loathing but in the dining building! Going in there the entire place was shutting down and we had absolutely no concept of time (usually it closed at 10 pm, but that couldn't be right...but it doesn't not feel like 10...but it doesn't feel like 10...). No one else was in there besides the workers and us, and then our one other friend who randomly appeared out of no where talked to us about his theory of the Post-Apathetic culture that is developing and how paradoxical it is -- something I understand on one level, but couldn't quite grasp -- and then literally skated away on a longboard which was kind of bizarre. I asked the worker at the grill for 'grilled cheese,' which seemed silly to me for a couple of different reasons and didn't quite make sense to the guy either so we laughed it off together and I specified wheat bread and cheddar cheese, and then my friend made the same mistake ('can I have grilled cheese please') and the three of us laughed together. <br> <br> The atmosphere seemed to be perfect for us and we felt like we had conquered the dining building...until we payed for our food and discovered the eating area had been transformed into a casino! It was too coincidental. Card tables were set up, the lights were dimmed and everything was orange and especially halloweeny; the ambient musicians in the background seemed like automatons and the totem poll decorations were ominous. My friend and I picked a booth that was as far away from the scene as possible. We felt like we were in a different entity than the rest of the crowd in the dining room and were perplexed as to how we could all be a part of the same school, and whether or not we were active in the community, and what it meant to be tripping in one of the most prominent buildings on campus. Then we realized he had taken my grilled cheddar cheese sandwich and I had his pepper jack, and also that neither of us could eat, two factors that made us lose it. We were hysterically laughing and staging conversation ('blah blah blah') while pretending to eat our food. At that point we knew the atmosphere had actually conquered us and we decided to leave. <br> <br> We met up with our other tripping friends plus one kid from Portland who had to catch a bus back but didn't know where to go. This was, again, hilarious -- some dude asking a crowd of acid heads to lead him somewhere. On the other hand, we all felt well equipped for the challenge, especially since the bus stop happened to be right in front of the same 7/11 we visited weekly for restocking packs of cigarettes and such. This time the walk included the tail end of the sunset and went by rapidly quick (all in the small group of trippers agreed on this). Everything I encountered on the walk, especially the people walking in front of me, had trails and was shifting around inside itself. The fact that I couldn't differentiate properties between trees was tripping me out because they were so vivid before; now it was dark and I just saw the same, melting, tribal face in all of them. <br> <br> By the time we got to the bus stop I needed to pee so I went inside the 7/11. This really old, wrinkly guy with a huge white beard opened the door for me. When I tried to enter the bathroom he came to me with a key. When I left the bathroom (which had a crazy mirror in it that really messed with my brain -- everything about the reflected image was convulsing and morphing at a rapid pace, and the walls had infinite grey faces inside them) he took the key from me. It was weirding me out that this guy was with me the whole time because I didn't (and still don't, really) think 7/11 had attendants that wait outside for people and help them out with the whole bathroom thing. <br> <br> Meeting up with my friends I wanted to tell them all about it but our Portland tagalong had to catch his bus. It felt like every other passenger on that vehicle was looking into my eyes and I felt like I could see into their sketchy, eerie, Halloweeny souls. At this point all around us was darkness, other than the starry beams of light shooting out of the lamp posts lining the streets. <br> <br> For some reason as we passed campus these two drunk girls wanted to come with us to this bridge over a huge gorge where we normally chill at and smoke. My friend who I had originally taken the lsd with and I were both very opposed to our clan acquiring these girls because we generally don't like drunken females at all (unless we are them) (very hypocritical, we realized). However, we weren't going to say anything negative, so we just kept to ourselves and took in the beautiful, creepy setting we had immersed ourselves in. Everything felt ancient and almost post-apocalyptic at the same time, and by the time we got to the bridge I could see distinct noses and eyes in all the different pebbles on the ledge overlooking the gorge. <br> <br> My friend and I tried to ignore the stereotypical nature of the two girls who we were stuck with, but it was hard, especially because we were smoking with them. Everyone's eyes were pulsating slightly and shifting around beneath this magnificent, hazy glow that was all around us, reminiscent of the rain that had passed five or so hours ago. <br> <br> This is when my trip began to take a turn for the worst. The two girls that were with us ultimately reminded me of a part of myself that I could have easily developed further if I had even a slight change in the way I grew up within my environment. Further more, I began to feel like a failure of a female, and that I could hardly identify with my own gender. I tried to get out of it by suggesting we walk around but before we could stand up this huge group of people approached us including one of my hall mates and his 'home crew,' a group of childish folks that appeared to be rolling around on the bridge, though I'm not sure if this actually happened. We really needed to get out! So we began to walk away and ventured back in time to the prehistoric land, crossing the same intersection three times, not having a clue what to tell our friend when he called us asking where we were (this tripped me out because it seemed to be a motif of the evening, just because I had been on the other side of the situation with trying to meet my two friends that were tripping earlier). <br> <br> Everything in the street had faces, especially when the light reflected off the slick wetness that coated it. This is when I began to see even smaller faces in everything and nothing, in darkness and in light, in the whites of people's eyes and in the solid coloring of a single brick on a house. I completely dropped out of our conversation and tried to focus on the rainbow, color changing, slow shutter speed view and intense tribal visuals. The drunk girls' voices were echoing in my head to the point of causing me physical discomfort, and I grew very cold, and saw more faces in my breath in the dark night. <br> <br> Thankfully, I effectively convinced my friends to go back to campus. Though to my demise, we ended up stuck with them, and sat in the hallway waiting for the friend I had initially dropped with as she made tea in her room and talked to her boyfriend on the phone. The hallway was so surreal! I saw incredible faces in the walls and the striped pattern on the carpeting was completely wavy and unstable. Girls were stumbling down the hallway drunk off their asses and I wondered, why me! I could see craters in their faces and the individual particles of the caked-on makeup all over their cheeks and under their eyes. It repulsed me to a state of deeper discomfort and I went into my friend's room to intrude her conversation just because I couldn't take the hallway anymore. Her room didn't make me feel much better even though the tea she made me was very warm and tasted like cherries. Even the dresser was tripping me out a little too much as it began to slide around in its spot. I wandered the hallways, away from my friends and all the drunk messes, to try to call my boyfriend in my room. <br> <br> The experience of getting into my room was traumatic enough -- I felt like a failure for being confused -- and then I was immediately confronted by my reflection in the mirror near the entry way. The visuals this mirror reflected were similar to those in the 7/11 bathroom mirror but this time I saw even more faces in everything except for my own face, which seemed to completely lack depth, especially as all my features twisted around inside themselves. I called my boyfriend and he seemed to just trip me out even more, his voice echoing in my ear and strangely distant and spooky, though it still felt beautiful to talk to him. I began to cry because I realized how much I deeply missed him. At this point I was curled up on my bed, feeling like I was stuck in a psychological hole. Everything around me was shifting but I finally got up the nerve to go on my computer and video chat with my boyfriend. I tried to explain how I was feeling but could only tell him fundamentally the opposite of what I meant to say. Talking to him was tripping me out so hard and, to make things temporarily worse, he kept sending me pictures of me that I had taken on his computer, and they were really tripping out my brain. <br> <br> However, the whole spookiness of that experience regained its humor eventually -- I was sitting in my bed horrified by pictures of myself, paralyzed by an inexplicable, unnecessary fear. I came to terms with the fact that my boyfriend wasn't there, though through struggling a bit, which was extremely therapeutic and worthwhile. Furthermore, I found more value in my friends here at school, because I realized they mean a lot to me -- especially on the trip, at that moment. Upon meeting up with them they gave me chocolate and played music for me and we all sat and cuddled in my friend's room. It was just us four. We rolled up splits and went outside into the pouring rain, which had started while were taking that breather all together. The haze that was hinted at before now became all encompassing, the raindrops like an incredible swarm of tiny liquid bees. We stood under a great tree and seemed to hotbox it, our eyes stinging with pleasure. We had an intensely incredible conversation about nature, life, psychology, acid, tobacco, marijuana, the drunk girls, the rain, and our lives as young adults. It was extremely rehabilitating, and I realized nothing is a permanent issue. <br> <br> The ground on the way back was particularly slick and mountainous, waving around a bit in place. I saw great, shiny faces, with rainbow hues in their glimmer. Outside the residence hall we met some of the people we had seen on the bridge -- the ones that weren't really rolling around -- and they told us they had just taken about five shots each and two tabs of the same acid we took! Them beginning their trip drunk at 3 in the morning, right as we all were starting to truly come down off a more than crazy enough trip, seemed incredibly cyclical in a very intense, distorted, spirally way. We were all forced into a state of reflection and moseyed off into our own rooms for the night. <br> <br> I took about a half hour to set up my room for myself, keeping all lights off except for my blue and green lava lamp. My glow in the dark stars now seemed a part of the wall, though very distinct from the faces that were crowding the ceiling. I went on tumblr and saw faces in every single image while listening to my library on shuffle and feeling one with technology. I realized how innately nimble my fingers were at navigating my device. I rewatched 'Going Normal' and was only partially distracted by the faces that filled different parts of my computer screen. Even when I closed my eyes to try to go to sleep I could see different colored parts of the faces creating kaleidoscopic patterns. I eventually drifted off to seep listening to sounds of the rain, trying to induce a lucid dream. <br> <br> I ended up slipping into this crazy, creepy, nightmarish scene where my old roommate came back to my now extremely messy single, physically labeling all of my stuff as 'trash,' calling in her buff boyfriend who started yelling at me saying he was going to beat me up. All I could think in the dream was that I was tripping balls and needed to make sure they couldn't catch me, but once they noticed my pupils their heads turned into serpent faces and they started hissing and yelling. I gained lucidity at this point and melted them away in my brain, into the floor, along with everything else in my room, until I was floating above it all in my bed. I could feel the wind in the infinite, boundless room that I created in my mind and could hear a strange music coming from the watery liquid pool of melted room/ex-roommate/ex-roomate's boyfriend. I dove into it and the music became louder, more intense, and until I recognized it as my alarm and inevitably woke up. <br> <br> Since then (~36 hrs later) I've been smoking weed pretty consistently and watching the breathing of all solid objects slowly fade away.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 98027</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 12, 2012</td><td>Views: 17,623</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=98027&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=98027&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Various (28)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/yerba_mate/">Yerba Mate</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dmt/">DMT</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">300 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dmt/">DMT</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">6 leaves</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">buccal</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/coleus/">Coleus</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 3:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 6:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis - Hash</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 7:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dmt/">DMT</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> For those with a short attention span, my apologies in advance for the length of this report. <br> <br> Background: This experience took place in January, 2008. I am male, at the time of this experience 23 years old and weighing around 125 pounds, in good mental and physical health. I take no prescription or over-the-counter medications, but tend to use marijuana and yerba mate on a daily basis. I consider myself well-experienced with psychedelic substances. I had done MDMA quite a bit, often at doses most would consider excessive (highest dose was 452 milligrams over the course of a night). I had previous experiences smoking DMT, including breakthrough experiences. At the time of this experience I was just getting into LSD, so I was still getting accustomed to its personality. I had used <i>Coleus pumilas</i> (which plays an important role in this trip) several times before this experience via smoking and chewing. For me it had a noticeable but subtle psychoactive/dissociative effect similar to a low dose of Salvia or the initial come-up of mushrooms, lasting around an hour and a half. Other psychedelics I was familiar with at the time include mushrooms, hawaiian baby woodrose seeds, ayahuasca-type brews, 2C-I, 2C-E, <i>Trichocereus</i> cacti, <i>Salvia divinorum</i> and 5-MeO-DMT. <br> <br> Substances ingested and a rough timeline: <br> T + 0:00 MDMA 300 mg taken orally <br> T + 0:30 DMT smoked in a marijuana joint <br> T + 2:00 Coleus pumilas 6 leaves taken bucally (chewed and held in mouth) <br> T + 3:30 LSD 1 hit held under tongue <br> T + 6:30 Hash smoked <br> T + 7:00 DMT vaporized one blade (a small amount) <br> T + 13:00 I was more-or-less baseline but with a pronounced afterglow <br> T + 20:00 I went to sleep <br> <br> Prelude: We’d been doing DMT since around noon. I had already undergone two breakthrough doses and many more minor head buzzes. We’d smoked it in joints, we’d done it as blades, we’d vaporized it from the bottom of a glass pipe. Almost every possible method of smoking DMT had been given a go. For some reason I kept volunteering to be the guinea pig tester of all our methods of smoking. The repeated cycles of frying on DMT, then coming down for awhile, then diving again, had left me feeling energetically cleansed. Kind of like a sweatlodge ceremony, the multiple immersions in fractal hyperspace slowly washed me clearer each time. I’d experienced so much DMT that I felt I was done. No more, that’s enough third-eye cracking for today. Or so I thought... <br> <br> “How are you feeling? Are your drugs healing?” <br> <br> T + 0:00 All day I’d had this funny feeling that I was going to be taking MDMA later in the evening. Sure enough, Star asked me if I wanted to come with them to a small party at Condor and Ronald’s house. And sure enough, within fifteen minutes of walking in the door I was scraping about 300 milligrams of pure MDMA into a glass of water, courtesy of Condor. Perhaps not the best idea, each sip got more bitter tasting as I drank the glass down. <br> <br> T + 0:30 While waiting for the love to kick in we rolled up a joint, with a little DMT in it of course, and retired to the back yard to smoke. Silly me, thinking I was done smoking this stuff for today! Puff, puff, pass and we admired the nighttime sky. The constellation Orion was prominent, and following the belt stars down there was Sirius, winking and flashing merrily. The ruddy hue of Mars was also visible from where we were standing. Certainly not a breakthrough dose of DMT this time, but WOW did it ever kick off the MDMA in a hurry. There is something special about smoking a DMT doobie while coming up on MDMA, it really made me feel open and ecstatic. <br> <br> T + 0:45 As soon as we got back inside, the open-hearted communication and sharing of love and energy began. I had some really good conversations with people that I care for and it was wonderful. You know, typical high dose MDMA effects. Group hugs blocking the hallways and such. <br> <br> Jess (Condor’s girlfriend): As soon as I saw her sitting on the floor, I had to go over and hug her. She held me close, and I think in that moment I fell in love with her. She captivates my attention, and I respond to her very sexually. So much life energy and joy radiates from her, she is so beautiful. Jess told me I am beautiful man, and like Condor she is attracted to my intelligence. Both Condor and I like to share information freely to help and benefit others, we are not arrogant with our intelligence. She is very in love with and happy being with Condor, and I am okay with that because I can see how nicely the two of them fit together, and the quality of love they share. Jess and I also share a special kind of love. She reminds me of how at the solstice party I kissed her, and I said of course, I’d wanted to kiss her from the first moment we met! <br> <br> Jess had put a purple dot on her brow above the nose, and when I comment on it she asks if she can draw on my face. I can’t imagine saying no to her. I get a dot on my brow, and a line above the dot dividing my forehead vertically. Another line divides my chin vertically. I like having this face paint, makes me think a bit of tribal Maori tattoos. It accentuates the lines of my face and gives me a feeling of the flowing life energy. Such face paint or tattoos I feel are reflections of the spiralling life energy within us. <br> <br> Nessie: A girl I know passingly from festivals and parties. I respond sexually to her also, though not to the same degree as with Jess. Like Jess, Nessie radiates an incredible sense of life energy. Though she did not take any drugs tonight, she exudes the same vibrancy and brilliance as the rest of us, and was getting us a nice contact high. She tells me about how females can harvest an incredibly powerful earth energy through their womb, a boundless source of power that can be channeled for their benefit. <br> <br> Although I am somewhat interested in her sexually, I don’t think I should pursue that angle. One, she gave some subtle hints that I’m not her type. Two, she channels so much powerful female energy it scares me a bit, like I could be caught, trapped and crushed by it. Three, she has the same name as my ex, and I’ve not had good luck romantically with the multitude of girls sharing her name that have come through my life. “Oh no, here we go again!” was the feeling I got. <br> <br> Eliane (Star’s girlfriend): I love her too, though in a very platonic way. I am glad she is with Star, having the two of them in my life is wonderful. Eliane is often just quiet, calm and collected. It was nice tonight to see her so expansive and expressive, though I know in her day-to-day life the emotions she expressed tonight are the same and she is happy. Like me, she is just not a naturally effusive person. I am very comfortable around her. <br> <br> Lana: She has been having a bit of a rough time recently, and did not take any drugs since she was not in a comfortable mindspace. We gave her an incredible contact high, however! There was an incident where she slept with Tom, and Kathy came home and found them sleeping together in her bed and room (since her and Tom were still sleeping in the same room, though they had broken up). Star seemed to be acting cold towards Lana when she arrived at the party, but when the MDMA had taken effect he sat down and had a bit of a talk with her trying to resolve or straighten out the issues between them. <br> <br> After their talk, though it was a positive one directed towards resolution, I could see that Lana was shaken, distraught. I ask her if she is okay and she says “No!” and breaks down into tears a little bit. Holding her in a hug I tell her it is okay; she is surrounded by people who care for her, and we all make mistakes. But unlike a lot of people, we talk through the issues we have with others. We are all forgiving and accepting people. That each and every day, we can choose to be the way we want to be. We can move past our mistakes, and each day choose happiness and honesty over self doubt and deceit. <br> <br> Lana pulled a crystal out from around her neck and asked me what I thought of it. Holding it, I felt a warm and heavy, earthy energy. She asked me if I thought there was anything wrong with it, to which I responded no and asked why she thought there was something wrong with it? She told me that Bill had given it to her, and that Star had warned her against some kind of energetic shielding technique that Bill had taught her. She was worried the crystal might be harmful like this shielding thing. <br> <br> I told her that shielding isn’t necessarily bad. Sometimes we are around energies that are uncomfortable or unpleasant if we are open to receiving them. Certain people, places or things may not jive well with our energetic body. It is good to be able to close ourselves off from these energies when necessary, and to do so I feel the best way is to stay centered and grounded within oneself, not allowing the external energies to affect you. <br> <br> However, I also believe it is unhealthy to systematically or habitually try to shut down or choke off the energy flow within the body. When we start clamping down on the energy flow, it can form knots and pockets of stagnation within our body. By shutting down, we are not open to receiving love and energy from the universe. I said it is good to be able to let go of that shielding, to feel life, emotions and energies as fully as possible. To experience being fully and vividly alive, not scared or trapped or separated from the world. By the end of our talk, Lana thanked me for our conversation and she was definitely feeling a lot better. I said she’d always struck me as a strong and resilient person. <br> <br> As you can see, most of the conversations and bonding I had was with the females at the party. Although I was around Tom, Star and Condor, I mostly just acknowledged their presence with gladness. I am glad to have these people in my life. But in truth, I am a little lonely. I wish there was someone in my life like a Jess or a Eliane, someone who I connect with deeply on all levels, emotional, physical, mental, sexual. There’s so much sexual energy within me, that it had to come out somehow. Right now it was being distributed across all the women present, all of whom I love in various ways. <br> <br> Love is a complex emotion, I feel there are many different types of love as well as many different ways of expressing it. MDMA has helped me understand a lot about love. It helped show me that love doesn’t always have to be sexual, that it can also be sensual, or just friendly and appreciative. MDMA breaks down so many of my inhibitions and barriers, allowing a natural and free expression of admiration and love of those around me. Lots of people would get uptight if you hugged their girlfriend and expressed your love for them. I think MDMA helps us see past touch as something purely sexual. There is a societal expectation that affectionate touch must mean sexual interest, but when I’m high on MDMA I revel in the pure sensuality and experiential quality of touch. It is nice to touch and be touched by others. I think touch is something we all crave and often deprive ourselves of, fearing that if we touch it will be interpreted in a sexual way. <br> <br> I must say, I do prefer higher doses of MDMA. At amounts over 200 milligrams, the effects seem to increase in psychedelic intensity and impact dramatically. There are times I just get high, and then there are times I have an experience. This, this was a fucking experience! I was perceiving the life energy flowing through us all, running through the earth, wafting through the air, vibrating in the water we are drinking to quench the thirst. I thought of a quote from Lord of the Rings: “I feel it in the water... I feel it in the air... the world has changed.” <br> <br> Coleus as reality-flipping catalyst: <br> <br> T + 2:00 So I was dancing in Condor’s room in front of the speakers, pounding bass being mixed right there in front of me by Condor. Jess came dancing around the room and offered me a couple sips straight from the bottle of a pleasant merlot. Normally I don’t drink any alcohol with psychedelics, but I was in a really expansive mood and figured, why not? The wine smelled and tasted really good, my senses had been heightened. I only had a couple sips, not looking for a psychoactive effect but just wanting to appreciate the taste. <br> <br> Looking around, I noticed the <i>Coleus pumilas</i> plant Condor has hanging from the ceiling. I recalled my past experiences with the plant, how chewing or smoking the leaves had provided a mild, dreamy, vaguely mushroom-like high. The plant was calling me today, strongly, loudly. It wanted me to eat it. I could almost hear a little voice saying “Take a fresh growing tip for yourself, and chew it. Take one for Tom as well.” I asked Condor if it was okay, and with his permission took off two growing tips, a handful of leaves clinging to each one. <br> <br> I took it over to Tom and explained carefully what I wanted him to do: “This is Coleus. Put it in your mouth, between gum and cheek. Chew it a little, hold the juices in your mouth, and eventually swallow the juice and plant material. Pay close attention for a subtle shift in your state of consciousness.” <br> <br> The effects of the Coleus became noticeable after only a few minutes. I felt slightly relaxed, a little calmer and less frenetic than I had been moments ago, in my bedazzled MDMA state. Then the flipping of realities began... <br> <br> I would be talking to someone, and all of a sudden the reality I was seeing would start breaking down. It started flipping, or vibrating, back and forth with extreme rapidity. It was as if someone was shuffling rapidly through the pages of a book. In this book, every second page is a still-frame of normal, everyday reality. But the pages in between are other realities entirely. <br> <br> So there I was, flip, in this reality, flip, shifted to some other reality, flip, back to this reality again, flip, to some other reality. Flip, flip, flip, flip. This feeling was intense, nearly overwhelming, and not like anything I have ever experienced before. The flipping would last for several seconds, then go away. Several minutes later, another bout of flipping came over me. This happened a few times. <br> <br> It was like I was vibrating, in and out and in and out of this reality. Playing with the cosmic tuning dial, and catching little bits of music here and there between the static. The Coleus had acted as a catalyst, letting me access a part of my mind I never knew existed before. I was struck by how powerfully the Coleus effected me this time, it was one of those experiences where everything comes together. I felt the plant was actively communicating with me, I followed its instructions, and a completely unexpected and amazing effect resulted! Tom got this effect too, so I think it was triggered somehow by the two of us ingesting Coleus. <br> <br> “The very magical idea that drugs can put us in touch with a transcendent, powerful reality.” <br> <br> T + 3:00 The effects of chewed Coleus wear off relatively quickly (in an hour or so), and the waves of reality-flipping faded with the Coleus. However, I found that by concentrating very carefully on what that flipping feeling felt like, it would start happening again. I seemed to be able to now induce this flipping effect at will. Nearly a day later, I could still get this feeling faintly, the back and forth of realities, by thinking hard about that sensation. <br> <br> Lysergic Soundscape Dreaming: <br> <br> T + 3:30 I hadn’t been planning on taking LSD, however when Condor walked around offering everyone some blotter, I decided what the hell, and put one on my tongue. By this point I felt I was well into the plateau of the MDMA high, and if everyone else was dosing acid, I didn’t want to be returning to sobriety hours before them! <br> <br> “Message on the tongue goes straight to your brain.” <br> <br> “The acid had shifted gears on him.” <br> <br> T + 4:15 When I felt the LSD taking effect, the nature of my experience changed. I became much more introspective, and felt more like wrapping up in a blanket, sitting down and drifting with eyes closed than socializing and cuddling with others as I had been doing before. I began to lose myself within the music. I felt chilled and goosebumpy. <br> <br> T + 4:30 With eyes closed, the music would form complex visual imagery, feelings, sensations, all bundled together. Very synaesthetic, as if I were in a waking dream. Lana, Tom and Ronald were jamming together in the room with me, acoustic guitars, voice and drumming. With eyes shut I saw concert halls and tree-lined laneways, and felt raw emotions in the music as physical sensations across my body. <br> <br> At one point, the music became a long scaly reptilian beast, crawling up and over a barrier of some kind. The scales of skin were gray to black and slightly moist, and there was a row of curved spiked coming off its back. I felt the spikes hooked onto me like velcro, so as the reptilian beast inched over the barrier in little spurts I was being pulled along with it. <br> <br> “The mind behaves as if it were a dream...the subconscious is a powerful thing.” <br> <br> “You ever have that feeling, where you’re not sure if you are awake, or still dreaming?” <br> <br> If I opened my eyes, I could come out of these dream-like soundscape trips. Everything still felt very dreamy, but I was pretty sure I was just high on acid and not dreaming. For some reason, the idea that I might actually be dreaming, and not tripping, disturbed me a bit. Because how could I know for sure that this experience was real and not a dream? <br> <br> T + 6:30 When the acid was calming down a bit, Ronald proclaimed “Let’s go to the moon!” He was wearing his “space suit”, a tight fitting white (but stained) women’s Roxy shirt, with the hood up, and a pair of snow pants secured across his chest with only one of the two suspenders. “What do you guys think, hood up or hood down?” <br> <br> “Definitely hood up!” we replied, laughing at his appearance. Instead of going to the moon, Ronald started serving us hits of hash instead. The whole process was strange, watching Ronald heat the glass blades using a blowtorch, having all the intensity and skill of a mastercraftsmen, then using a blue (“alien technology” man) glass trumpet hooter to inhale smoke off the blades which glowed red hot. I was unable to feel the smoke as it went in, and was not really sure if it was getting me high, since I was already tripping madly. Finally I made Ronald serve me a huge fat chunk of hash, enough to make me nearly choke. That toke, at least, I felt. <br> <br> T + 7:00 As if doing blades of hash wasn’t enough, Star suggested we do some blades of DMT as well. Wait, didn’t I say I was done with DMT for today? Nevertheless, once more that plastic fantastic smoke filled my lungs. I was not strongly effected from this one blade, mostly it just gave me a great feeling of clarity and high awareness. Everything became brighter and clearer, and I felt more alert and balanced. I passed up a second blade of DMT, finally having my actions fit the words I’d been saying all day. No more! The lungs and mind begin to rebel. <br> <br> T + 8:00 By the time several people had gone home or gone to bed, the rest of us zoned out and treated our fried-out brains to some South Park cartoons. We watched the episode where they drink cough syrup in order to get “inspiration” and end up tripping balls. Hilarious! When they buy the cough syrup, the pharmacist tells them it has all the “dextromethortryptophan” they’ll need to “trip balls.” <br> <br> T + 13:00 Although by mid-morning I felt sober and safe to drive home, facing the cold and bitter winter wind and snow outside, I did not really achieve baseline for the rest of the day. I stayed up for a total of 36 hours straight (about twenty hours awake after dosing) without feeling tired, and was very much on an afterglow. Every time I smoked a joint or bowl I would see rainbows rippling over white surfaces, and these sessions got me obscenely high. I went over to a friends house and hung out with her, just talking and smoking marijuana. I was really blissed out and enthusiastic, and our conversation ranged over many topics. We discussed psychedelics, sexual relations, different types of love, and several philosophical topics. It was a good day after an amazing trip. <br> <br> Thanks for reading <br> Love love love<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 89351</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 23</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 20, 2012</td><td>Views: 26,668</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=89351&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=89351&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">DMT (18), MDMA (3), LSD (2), Cannabis - Hash (93) : Large Group (10+) (19), Combinations (3), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  lines</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 bowls</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Brief background – I have numerous experiences with drugs, and to date have tried: Marijuana (too many times to count), Salvia Divinorum, Oxycontin, Codeine, LSD (this experience was my fourth time), MDMA, MDPV, Speed, ‘black mamba’ (a ‘spice’ type variant) and Mephedrone, and so as such I consider myself experienced, and open to experiment with combinations. <br> <br> The evening was originally planned for me, and 3 friends, R, G, and J to spend the night tripping at R’s house, as his parents were away for the weekend. 2 others, C and JM were also present, but did not trip with us, instead opting only to smoke marijuana. Over the course of the evening more people arrived, however I didn’t regard these acquaintances as friends, mainly due to my altered mindstate, and their realative inability to comprehend what I was experiencing. <br> After taking a drive to pick up our acid tabs and a gram of Ketamine (which I had personally never tried before) we made the journey back to R’s house, and each ingested our ‘tabs’ (the LSD was actually dropped onto fruit pastels, and given to us wrapped in tin foil to avoid light destruction, heat destruction etc.) Whilst waiting for the LSD to hit us we retreated to R’s garage to smoke 2 bowls of marijuana from J’s bong. The marijuana must have been potent, and I recall J mentioning that he had smoked a small joint of it earlier in the day and reported that it was ‘very strong’, which was surprising to me as J is also a regular smoker, and as such he has developed a tolerance, and indeed a complacency with the psychoactive effects of the herb. J wasn’t wrong, and after our bowls I mistook the high for the LSD beginning to take effect; the marijuana appeared to be sativa dominant, and gave me a boost of energy and chattiness I often only associate with the come up before an acid trip [on hindsight this could have been the case, as I remember the dealer mentioning the acid was particularly ‘energetic’ and ‘happy’]. <br> <br> After we had smoked the bowls we returned indoors, and I began to notice the beginnings of the trip I was about to be lead into. Reality was slowly becoming distorted, and inconsequential actions seemed to be taking on obscure humour. A close friend of mine, C, had just finished work, and phoned up telling us he was bringing some work mates down. I remember feeling uneasy about this, as I felt as though our private hallucinogenic-themed evening was slowly transforming into something less entertaining. Ignoring these feelings of unease I challenged R to a game of pool. I took note that my vision and focus were definitely compromised/altered, and focusing on the balls on the table was becoming increasingly more difficult. The need to converse with R was also insistent, and we often found ourselves delving into philosophical, often meaningless conversation between shots. The lighting in the room began to take on an almost artistic feel, and I commented to R that the lighting was similar to that of a professional snooker game shown on TV. The surreal nature of LSD was definitely taking hold. R turned another light off, and the room began to take on a distinctly ‘atmospheric’ feel which I commented on, thanking R. <br> After the game was over I decided to go and look into a mirror, in the bathroom. My friends are well aware that this is one of my most favourite activities to do whilst tripping, as I often find it leads to deep, introspective feelings, and leads me deeper into the experience acid provides. Wary of the ‘danger’ of becoming enthralled by my reflection, and as a result, becoming anti-social, I brought JM to the bathroom with me. Staring into my reflection I noticed the first abnormality – one eye appeared ‘fallen’ and slumped lower down, resting on my cheek bone. My face wasn’t ‘melting’ but more so it had become malleable, and mouldable as with plasticine or clay. After prodding and poking at my face and watching the ripples it created against my skin I turned to JM. As he was sober (other than a small amount of marijuana) he seemed noticeably amused, but it was clear he wanted to return downstairs to the group. For some reason in my head I believed that JM should be equally as interested in his surroundings – I mentioned a simple picture of a boat hung on the wall, ordering JM to stare at it, and appreciate the picture. Standing in silence, I let my mind ‘project’ into the picture, I could ‘feel’ the wind against my face. The strange thing is that the wind was not ‘blowing’ but yet I felt my face become noticeably colder, much like a sea breeze would affect it. Slowly a distinct point on my forehead became pleasantly warm, whilst the rest of my face remained cold. Staring deeper into the picture I noticed that the temperature zones on my face mirrored the landscape – the sun in the picture was the heated point on my forehead, the cooler zone was consistent with where the ocean was relative to the picture. At this point I had become so enthralled with the picture that I had started to laugh at the absurdity of a generic bathroom landscape picture becoming so meaningful and interactive. After around 5 minutes of complete silence and mesmerisation (only on my part!) I announced ‘it’s the simple things’ and JM lead me back downstairs to join the group. <br> <br> When I returned downstairs C’s friends had arrived. C had also purchased around an eighth of marijuana for himself and his friends. Sitting at the dining room table I decided now was the time to play some suitable music with which I could experience the combination of Ketamine and LSD. I chose Underworld – Mmm Skyscraper, I Love You. At this point I was still coming up on the acid, however after taking LSD 3 times previously I was sure that I had peaked, as my previous trips had never become too intense. I felt that I was ready to go deeper into ‘the void of consciousness’ <br> I had promised J a line of Ketamine as we had both never experienced the substance, and so I felt that having someone to share the experience with would be beneficial to us both. Crushing the sand-like crystals into a powder I created a small line for J. he snorted it and instantly commented on the intense burn it had created in his nostril. I mentioned the K would kick in after around 5 minutes, quickly creating my own line and snorting it. The Ketamine had hit J much quicker than I expected, and before I knew it we were both in the grasps of this powerful dissociative. I turned to J, telling him ‘it’s working’ when suddenly the surroundings become dark, grainy and swayed in synch, as if the room was affected by a gentle, monochromatic breeze. The fact that J had also taken Ketamine must have affected my trip, as the only other person I could now ‘see’ was J. The words I spoke were now the only thing in existence as we stared into each other’s eyes – I could feel a distinct spiritual link to J. I felt a huge rush of energy pulsating through my body, with each pulse receding and sinking my body into a lower state of consciousness, almost as if I was on a see-saw of energy transferral between the Ketamine and LSD effects. At some point J hugged me, and this feeling of human contact was almost too much. Each fibre and string of fabric on J’s clothes resonated with a dull ‘grey’ energy, which pulsed into my inner being, this time raising me, bringing me back to reality. Slowly the darkness subsided, and I ended the embrace with J. I commented to the ‘audience’ sat around the table that my body felt extremely fluid, liquid-like, and that I was aware of my chest being transformed into a honey-like substance, causing me to slump down into my chair, the pleasure of what I had experienced still washing over me. The dissociative effects of the Ketamine were certainly noticeable at this point, though I was aware that the combination of LSD with Ketamine is known to reduce the likelihood of a ‘K-hole’ and other such ‘out of body’ effects. Reality at this point could only be described as being ‘debateable’. Standing up from the seat I had been sat on I noticed that R’s house had taken on the appearance of a funhouse. Doorframes were wider at the bottom, so much so that I felt inclined to stoop before passing through into the kitchen. The landscape around me had become ‘zany’; lighting was infinitely more pronounced, with light distribution incredibly inconsistent – rooms had distinct areas of shadow and light, and I was reminded of my previous thoughts upon the lighting of the snooker table. <br> <br> I decided to retreat to the pool table yet again, originally with the intention of playing another round. My memory is hazy, but I seem to remember R was playing someone, and I was leant against a wall with G, conversing upon how our vision had been completely altered. Looking at the pool table I commented upon how the nature of 3D was becoming unknown to me, and that instead all objects had become ‘pseudo 3 dimensional’ much like the PC game ‘Doom’ objects appeared flat, and when I tried to view them from a different angle the image would simply turn and alter to match my position. At one point this became overwhelming, and the distortion had now taken effect on G’s face. I was viewing her face from side-on, though it was almost as if I had completely forgotten the notion of three dimensions, G now looked completely wafer thin, though I could see the slightest edge suggesting that she was indeed 3 dimensional, but only so much as a piece of paper would be. Because her face had been ‘forced’ into two dimensions her features had also become nonsensical. The arrangement of features on her face had become Picasso-esque, but somehow still managed to retain a human quality. Different parts of her face had also changed, her mouth had ‘slid’ round and down toward her neck, her eyes had become large, though each time I returned to gaze they had altered shape, and position. Initially this was shocking, but in my mind I still knew that I had ingested powerful psychedelics, and so I was able to find humour in the morphing, two dimensional character stood next to me, on reflection the perception of facial features was very alike the animation style used in a cartoon called ‘angela anaconda’ but with a cubism style twist – very otherworldly! <br> Looking around at the room in front of me I took note that even when focused on a single point objects would wave and sway – though this movement was somewhat different to the traditional movement caused by LSD that I had previously experienced; the very edges of my vision moved, as though my viewpoint was a picture frame, and this picture frame was being pushed from side to side. Occasionally I would notice that the ‘picture frame’ had been pushed too far to the left or right, and that all I could see out of one eye was blackness, as if I was viewing ‘the edge’ and staring into a void. This effect was extremely disturbing, but simultaneously humorous. I also noted that though it had been 40 minutes since the initial ‘burst’ of Ketamine ingestion, the effects had laid residual in my body, and I could now feel my mind becoming acutely detached from my body. Co-ordination had altered dramatically, and a feeling of drunkenness was noticeable. <br> Still leaning against the wall with G I turned to my right, noticing a large house plant of which I had never noticed before. I commented that the plant gave the feel of a ‘beach’ type landscape, as it resembled a miniature palm tree, G seemed to share in this observation, and we both laughed at the absurdity of the experience we were having. Watching the palm tree I also noted that this gave the room a feeling of ‘fakeness’ and plasticity as if the room had been set up much like a shop window. This idea resonated in my mind, and my distorted perception of real and fake echoed the thoughts that the myriad of active chemicals had created in my brain. <br> Later on in the evening our original group of friends retreated to R’s bedroom. Turning the lights off we all crashed down, ready to let our minds fully explore our altered states of consciousness. Slumped on the bed, my head against the wall, I noticed that my sense of gravity had been severely ‘off’ throughout the night. Earlier in the night I had felt uneasy standing in the center of the room, and felt the need to be ‘attached’ to walls, as if gravity had shifted and was instead pulling me horizontally, rather than vertically. This perception was now extremely pronounced, and several times my sense of equilibrium would be drastically altered, I felt as though my head was actually lying against the floor, not the wall, and that the room had been flipped on its side – again the theme of ‘fun house’ returned, this time reminding me of those giant ‘hamster wheel’ attractions. <br> Enjoying this gravitational illusion I was allowed to delve deep into my inner self. Although I struggle to remember my ‘visions’ I feel that this is due to the fact that I had entered a dream state much like those reported on Datura (although obviously much less destructive and mind-bending!). This mind delving was broken when JM began to play the guitar. At first the sound began to annoy me, as I felt as though the sound of the guitar was disrupting the effects that sensory deprivation were giving me, however JM then began to play ‘Blackbird’ by The Beatles. I found this to be an incredible experience, the enjoyment was tangible, and the air began to thicken and swell around me, lulling me into an audible trance. It was so incredibly overwhelming that toward the end I could feel my eyes fill with tears – never once has any live performance (Amateur or otherwise) given me such feelings of elation. I could have listened to JM play that song over a million times, indeed I feel as if even if I had not appreciated the tune, the very atmosphere created by this small, intimate audience would still have captured my soul. <br> After listening to more songs performed by JM we each retreated to bedrooms. Wherein I am still unsure as to whether I had slept or stayed awake – I experienced introverted trance-like visons of which I have never encountered before, and although I may have closed my eyes to experience them, I feel that I was conscious throughout it all – it is puzzling to me as to whether I slept a wink that night! <br> <br> Overall I would say that of all my experiences this night had been the most intense. I would recommend this combination of substance, though be wary if it is your first time with Ketamine, as the doses required are (supposedly) much less than if ingested when sober – I never properly measured my dose, though I know that it was extremely naïve of me not to! The experience was extremely visceral and mind bending, and large gaps in my memory are present, I am still piecing together some of the events of the night (during JM’s performance I was eating a pasty, though I have no idea how I acquired it!) and since taking Ketamine sober, I can confirm that the interaction between LSD and Ketamine is the most tangible I have experienced. I would go so far as to say that Ketamine + LSD combined is a unique experience that couldn’t be recreated with any other one substance. <br> <br> Xelanid<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 96165</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 20, 2012</td><td>Views: 17,494</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=96165&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=96165&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Ketamine (31), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), First Times (2)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">165 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> LSD Trip Journal begins: I need to try to straighten out what happened so I can read about it later, or at least just see it written down so it can’t keep escaping me. <br> <br> Let me note that when I first consumed this Happy Fungus Juice, as Austin has named it, I had no idea any of this mind bending bat-shit insane stuff was lurking just around the bend. I was under the impression that my mind would remain relatively sober while enjoying some crazy hallucinations. This was not at all the case in the very least whatsoever. I was so lost. I was lost in my own mind. After getting off work at five, on a Friday, I walked over to a house my friend was taking care of for somebody, met up with my two friends, and dropped three hits of acid in the form of liquid dropped onto candy. It was about five thirty. <br> <br> After waiting around for about an hour and a half I began to feel very altered, along with my friends who we’ll call Austin and Ryan. I, however, was feeling much farther off base than they were: a fact I almost doubted in the beginning, but it became more and more apparent as time wore on, because phenomena which I felt acutely in the early hours were later reported by at least Ryan as well. When I come to think of it, I did have 50% more acid. Upon investigation online, the three hits I consumed is larger than an average dose, especially for a first try. As we started to come up we decided it would be good to be outdoors and exited the house on foot, bound uphill to a forested river area. <br> <br> Out in the forest on the trail everything I heard seemed to be echoing to me from a tremendous, tremendous distance. I had no idea where I was, and totally forgot my location despite the fact that I was right next to a well-traveled road that I have known for nearly 15 years. This sensation of being lost was so strong that I repeatedly tried to explain it to my friends. Despite that, I was not frightened. I was simply overcome with wonderment. <br> <br> What began inside myself as a sort of insistent vibration, or rapid pulse, managed to travel outward into the entire world. Everything was pulsing at me so quickly that it appeared to shine and jump out at me, much in the way images are displayed on an electronic screen, I could not differentiate between the different pulses creating the image, but I knew (or “felt” in this trippy case) that they were in fact separate. They were only streaming together to create what appeared to be a seamless shine or sparkle. They were separate and continuous at the same time. <br> <br> Depth and size, my very sense of distance was awry in a way I have never before felt or imagined. For example, while on a walkway (perhaps two or three feet tall) I felt as though I were on a very, very tall bridge. And, merely because I could hear a river, I assumed that there was a river underneath this bridge. In reality there was only the ground. Things continued to seem incredibly far away from me, both in that the space between me and a particular rock, perhaps 15 feet, felt exceptionally far, but also in that things that were far away, say half a mile, appeared to be right next to me. It’s as if my normal continuous concept of how deep things are has been sliced into two or three parts (in categories of right there with me, and really really, really far away) there is no in between at all. This was creating some very interesting scenes in my vision, especially since I was in the middle of a muggy, vibrant, rainforest. I continue to forget where I am and feel as if I am on another continent or planet, if not for the fact that my two friends are literally right next to me I would probably have forgotten altogether anything that I knew at all, which is pretty much what happened anyway. <br> <br> To put it shortly, I was so astounded by everything, by my wheeling and spiraling thoughts, that I had no mental time space to think about anything else: I could only perceive and wonder. My sense of time vanished so that I was existing only in the present (which is the only way that it’s possible to exist anyways) I had no concept of the past, or being there, and little concept of the future, and what it would be like when it arrived. My varied attempts to explain the situation to Ryan were incredibly futile. <br> <br> My thoughts adopted a quick and strange tempo, which was the only thing by which I could pretend to measure time at all but that measure was completely unreliable for my thoughts were spinning as fast, or faster, than they ever have in my life. <br> <br> Still out in the rainforest, at my friend Austin’s behest, we began to wander off into unexplored territory which felt more unexplored by several orders of magnitude than I have ever felt about a place before. There was a sort of stream which had confounded us during the entire night up until this time, which Austin had been attempting to make us cross, but which Ryan I were not all that keen to. Looking into the stream was amazing: it was a marvelous cyan, azure rush, brimming with silvery little bubbles flowing over a bed of muted blue, red, and dark grey stones. No less amazing were the trees on which we stood, which seemed to me magnified as though under a microscope even though I was observing them with my own two eyes. They were almost a fluorescent green and orange, or at least the moss, was. <br> <br> Austin had been trying to get us to cross it (the water) and I, realizing somehow that I had no way of knowing where I was going, but that if I didn’t go somewhere I would be out in the forest all night, just jumped off the shore into the river and waded to the other side. <br> <br> Being in the river felt amazing beyond comprehension and Ryan and I, not so much Austin, felt strongly that we were in some sort of primal folk tale involving the water and trickster spirits. Austin was the trickster spirit, trying to beckon me into the water, and I was attempting to resist going into the water while at the same time neither of us knew that, or how, we were doing it. The whole incident was particularly surreal to myself, since I had begun to think of the water as a representation for existence itself, and a thing that I must dive into and take part of before I am allowed to leave. <br> <br> Not for the first time that night, Ryan and I, myself having seconds earlier arrived from underneath the water, were greeting by the sight of Austin running off into the distance and disappearing. This caused me no small amount of consternation, since I was vaguely aware that should I try something similar I would be instantly lost. Ryan and I thus set out to apprehend Austin, and did find him. <br> <br> He had done a similar thing two or three times earlier and chose at those times to hide in the woods and surprise us as we came along. We all three found ourselves imagining strongly that we were some sort of forest creatures and ran through the woods for the sheer joy of it. These first hours were euphoric, and yet unsettling. <br> <br> When we managed to arrive back at the house, which Austin was taking care of for a friend of his cousins, it was about 8:30 – 8:50 in the nighttime. Upon or arrival I ended up standing in the entryway, soaking wet yet not displeased with the situation, for about 20 minutes. The reason I could not remove myself from the doorway was because I literally could not think of the first step necessary to get out. <br> <br> I had not eaten since about nine hours previous to this time (I have now learned that this probably contributed to my exceptionally strong trip), so we decided to order some food. Thank God, my brother came over to visit, or else we would never have managed to obtain the pizza that we eventually ate. Even with my relatively sober brother in attendance it took a remarkably long, long, long time. <br> <br> Simultaneously, my brother kept repeatedly trying to raise a topic to discuss with me, but for the life of me I had no idea what it was. He explained it several times to my face, yet I still had no idea what he was talking about, because I kept forgetting it the second that it was over. I ultimately just pretended that I knew what was going on so he would stop trying to explain the situation to me. I’m now informed that he was telling me to come visit him at school as a side trip to my other travel plans. <br> <br> After finally contriving a way to escape from the doorway, a process which was hindered by the physical lack of towels to dry off with, I entered a very solemn couple of hours wherein I meditated on the very concept of possessing. What it means to me . . . to have stuff. What it's like when you don’t, what people need to do to get it, and the way those desires shape this entire planet that we inhabit. <br> <br> I found myself incredibly grateful for the many luxurious accommodations I’m afforded in my life here with my Mom and Dad. My every need is provided for, and I have done relatively nothing to provide for it. I felt simultaneously very grateful about this, that things were the way they are, but also I felt like it really shouldn't be any other way. On the one hand, it doesn't feel right to say that my Mom and Dad should do everything for me, but on the other hand they’re the ones that called me into this inexplicable and maddening existence, and if they hadn't then I wouldn’t be obligated to provide for myself at all. I felt supremely strange and a little unsettled by these thoughts, since I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about them now that I had them. <br> <br> Somehow I came away from the meditative state with a feeling, which I am presently managing to retain, of new decisiveness. I feel as if I can, if I so choose, send my life in whatever direction I want. I am not yet happily reconciled to the responsibility of doing so, but nonetheless I feel that is a valuable thing to have attained. <br> <br> Again and again throughout the night I felt myself thinking, “well that is an amazing thought, but there’s absolutely no way I am ever going to remember it. I better just enjoy it while it lasts at let it go.” This seemed to me the attitude that I should be taking toward every moment in life, and maybe it actually is. I have thought this many times before, on many different levels, but I have never actually done it so intensely. <br> <br> My thought-scape was continually spiraling into itself, much like the tectonic plates that form the Earth's crust. I felt as though they were all the same basic material, the thoughts I was having, like the rocks on the surface of the earth are all finite but that they were being continually kneaded, milled, or perhaps inexplicably conjoined (although I do not mean to imply the “bad” connotations that these adjectives typically carry) that when the old rocks finally appeared once more, I could no longer recognize them. I must emphasis that this turmoil was swift beyond measure, and not at all like tectonic plates (not as we imagine them anyway) in relation to speed. <br> <br> Once I realized this was happening, I also realized that I should just stop trying to explain what was going on to Ryan and Austin, since it was clearly not going to work. At the same time I acutely felt an urge to explain my sensations an urge: which persists so strongly, even now, that I have been typing for hours. I also frequently forgot that they had had the same drugs that I had had. Even now I feel that I was far, far, farther gone than they were, but I have no way of knowing if that is true or not. Either way, it doesn't really matter. <br> <br> After my thoughts about possession ended for the time I moved on dwell on the feeling that I did not want any more drugs of any kind for awhile. I wanted to just relax, safe and sound, at home for a time in my own normal mind. I did not know what I was getting myself into when I dropped all that acid, and it honestly feels like a bit of a slap in the face reminding me like, “yeah, no kidding, stop taking drugs, when did you decide it was okay.” Of course, morally it is perfectly fine, but upon second glance my actions have been in total defiance of the culture I was raised in. Safe to say, I am in no danger from drugs any longer, because I have been shaken by how powerful they actually are. It’s like living with a goddamn Bengal tiger in your house. <br> <br> Oh, yes, let me not forget, there was also a ridiculously large cat in the small house with us. This was odd, because although Austin stated clearly that it was in the house with us, we could not see it in the least, and it was a very small space. Nonetheless, the cat eventually appeared and was unduly astonishing. <br> <br> After all this, and no doubt I am still forgetting much of it (although I am impressed with the amount that I have managed to sort out just now), we three travelers journeyed over to the couch and put on “Fearless” with Jet Li. I was very happy to be under covers (there was a nice blanket on the bed) because, what with feeling for what felt like a literal eternity that I was lost in another world, I was a bit shaken and felt subliminally reassured to be in a warmer place rather than a colder one. <br> <br> Early on in the movie Austin left, and we saw no more of him that night, although we all remained awake for untold hours after that point. <br> <br> “Fearless,” contains some deep and significant themes concerning violence, strife, and making your way forward in life. As I watched I discovered myself pondering the “essence” if you have any idea what I mean, of those concepts. I was aghast at the way violence finds its way into this world, and felt as though its very existence must just be a big misunderstanding by someone. I was then deeply sorry and unhappy for hours about violence: the fact that it existed. <br> <br> At this point I felt as if I had been tossed in a roiling hurricane or river of emotion and thought, for eternity, and reconciled myself to dying in accordance with Jet Li’s character as he died upon the screen. I was trying as hard as possible to follow Lao Tzu’s advice (basically go with the flow), so that I would remain unharmed from the water, and I think that helped a bit. <br> <br> It was time to sleep then, or so I thought, little did I know it was not going to work, for the insistent pulsing was ever-present, so Ryan and I made about transforming the couch into a bed to sleep upon. Earlier we’d failed at this task after being confounded by the simple mechanism of the bed. I was very slightly beginning to return to normal though, and to my satisfaction was able to conjure up the bed, as it seemed, merely by pushing on it harder in the way I saw fit. I said something to Ryan like, “What?! It’s not the way we want it!? Well we’ll just push on it till it is!” and as I said these words I felt that I was talking about existence itself, and that the “pushing” was the exertion of our wills upon the world around us. I was unsettled by this thought, because it was quickly accompanied by a yang to its yin, which was a thought that said, “but what if you can’t push hard enough?” <br> <br> Thereafter, I lay down on the bed with Ryan. It was rather small and we had to share it. Rather than being unhappy with this I was exceptionally pleased that I wasn’t just lying in a ditch somewhere. I felt like my comfortable existence was in jeopardy, and that I had better just fucking enjoy it before all creature comforts up and vanished. Somehow, sometime, I fell asleep at what I estimate to have been about 3:00 in the morning. I felt like I had been tripping for days. The fact that Ryan was still near me made this thought difficult to believe, and yet I could not comprehend that it was otherwise. <br> <br> In the morning we awoke at about 7:00, still with slightly bent minds (I am still out of it to a fairly high degree even now, which is 2:00 P.M. later, the same day). We found ourselves shuffling back and forth in the living room / kitchen area, which was emanating strong vibes of Asia and the sea, mindlessly trying to explain to each other how completely boggling and befuddling the whole ordeal had been. <br> <br> Ryan had to go to work, and I do not envy him in the least right now, as I sit in my own bed marveling and tripping over the occurrences of the last twenty-four hours. <br> <br> Austin and I left, and once I exited the house I was immersed once again in the sounds and sights of the rainforest outdoors, then Austin drove me back home to Douglas in his car. <br> <br> At home I felt incredibly relieved to be there, as if I had doubted I would ever make it back at all. I was shaken to the point that I expect I would be were my life to be placed in serious danger. I did not, however, realize that precise sensation until just now, I was simply happy to be home. <br> <br> I began to make pancakes. It took me awhile, but I was so happy to do it. I was marveling in the availability of the house, the ingredients, the utensils, the running water, the very air, in the house, and felt that by making the pancakes, which was fun in itself, I was doing a nice thing in repayment to my parents for what they had done for me. The interior designs of the house were amazing. I felt kind beyond measure. I recalled, at this point, the severe lack of towels and other conveniences back at Austin’s place, but rather than being annoyed I instead felt happy that I was no in a place where I did have things, such as food, and I could give them to Austin, and everyone else around me. I had no idea how it was happening, but I liked it. I found myself cleaning the dishes, the kitchen, and my room several times that day in truth, in a subconscious attempt to restore order to the world. <br> <br> It is 11:00 PM now, 00:00 + 29 hours and at last my mind is beginning to quiet, I feel oddly refreshed, exhausted, and alive. I feel that I have come to peace with not knowing anything at all. My mind is still unraveling and reveling in the presence of my otherworldly cargo. It has definitely been a positive experience, and I feel that I’ve gained a lot. While earlier in my trip I had contemplated saying goodbye to all drugs forever, I think I will explore the other world again with Mescaline, but in my own home, and definitely alone. I feel like a time traveling shaman. I am tired, and yet not, and at a loss for what to do. Happy to be alive. Glad I took the time to write this all down. As I had hoped, writing it, re reading it, adding to it (this log), has helped me cope with what can only be classified as a permanently mind altering experience.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 89094</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 22</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 21, 2012</td><td>Views: 22,896</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=89094&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=89094&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">115 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> First of all I must say I was very nervous. I had no idea exactly what to expect and I really didn't have time to process or question. I learned of the substance that morning and within about a hour I found myself sitting in front of My Love with two Sweet Tarts in hand (Matrix-style with a red in one hand and a blue in the other), asking which would I choose. <br> <br> My Love ended up letting me take both while he stayed sober (well more sober heh) to be a sort of trip-sitter, a solid ground if I ever needed it, which was quite a sacrifice and I'm very grateful. <br> <br> He placed the two in my mouth and I realized there was no turning back now. I sat there and a flood of questions started coming to mind. When would I feel it? How long will it last? What will be the first sign? ...blahblah blah... My Love answered a few of my questions and then told me to just calm down and get ready to go. We were planning on going to our destination to meet up with M and trade a sack of marijuana for the 2 hits that were left.It was about I'd say 5 or 6 in the afternoon by now. The sun was still high in the sky and my experience had just begun. <br> <br> The car ride down the Interstate 40 was nerve racking. I was constantly moving and hyperaware of any sensation, more due to the nervousness more than anything else. I tend to be a nervous person when dealing with anticipation and this experience was no exception. <br> <br> My Love wanted to stop in at the liquor store on the way to our destination to buy a bottle of wine, and I was to purchase it. By this time, about 30 minutes into it, I really didn't feel any different and started having my doubts. I got out of the car and walked across the parking lot. There was a surprisingly large amount of people at the liquor store and it made me feel weird about going in. I just played it cool though, and walked right in past all the rednecks and frat boys and on to the wine isle. I noticed right away that the reflection of the bottles on each other tripped me out. The labels bending around the refractory of the liquid inside seemed strange and slowed. I quickly looked away and walked over to My Love's side so as to not bring unwanted attention to myself. I whispered to him something strange had happened and he just smiled and picked out a bottle and handed it to me. The line up front was concerningly long, but then a opening suddenly presented itself. I didn't want to look the guy in the eyes, since I could feel my pupils were stretching much larger than necessary. Both me and My Love noticed me acted weird and stated a halfhearted 'Wow.' when I approached. It seemed like he could tell something was up but I'm pretty sure he was way off with whatever he assumed. <br> <br> We finally left and headed on to our destination. I told My Love to put on Jefferson Airplane, I've grown a fondness for classic rock since starting college. I had stated if I ever came across doeses I wanted to listen to 'White Rabbit' and I finally got my wish. We turned it up and I laughed the whole time and My Love even sang along which only made it even more perfect. I like to think back and refer to that moment as the moment I knew I was beginning to trip. The windows were down and the music was perfect. The trees and grass surrounding the road were a vibrant green and seemed more alive than usual. I could do nothing but smile. <br> <br> We finally arrived at our destination. It had been about an hour since I had taken them. We drove up to M's apartment and went in. He greeted us with a nice welcome and invited us in. He soon figured out I had already taken them and was beginning to trip. He seemed to get excited about tripping almost instantly. And quite honestly, I was ready for someone else to join me on my journey. Though I'm not exactly very close with M, I was open to experience it with him. <br> <br> So now it got more interesting. We went into his room and I sat on his black and white striped couch...you might remember it, it was in the old Russellville house. We smoked a bowl or two and I sat back and just watched the manifestations of my creative brain. <br> <br> At first the visuals were subtle. The carpet seemed to move within itself randomly when I concentrated on it, but for the most part the effects had not brought forth their full potential just yet. M proceeded to put on some fuckin' CRAZY music, some kind of techno shit that quickly sent my brain into overdrive. I folded the paper sack the wine bottle had been in into a series of folds and started making shapes and random, strange folds with it. I think I probably fascinated myself with that for almost an hour. The folding was more of something to occupy my hands while my brain went on strange tangents about all kinds of subjects, most of which I can't recall. I was actually very surprised at how intellectual the experience was. I spent most of the trip thinking of all kinds of things. <br> <br> By now the trip started to show its true colors and M started tripping as well. I went down the hall to find the wood door to the bathroom to see what would happen. I looked at the wood grain, and it was amazing. It was shifting and melting everywhere. I felt that I could touch it and it would have rippled like water. I stared at it for a little while, but then someone needed the bathroom so I shifted my attention else where. I went back to the bedroom and listened to more crazy music. By this time my trip was in full swing. The carpet was moving, shifting; the posters on the walls had their own life about them; the striped couch continuously created all kinds of optical illusions. Everything in the room had a life about it and every texture created a new experience. Time and space lost their hold on my mind as well. <br> <br> I eventually asked for a piece of paper to draw on, and M handed me everything I needed. I meticulously drew a humming bird approaching a flower, and worked on that for a while. I noticed that there were two pieces of paper on top of each other, and I kept seeing pictures behind the one on top as if drawn on the other piece of showing through the thin paper. I saw eyes mostly, eyes of a dragon or just decorative eyes with no real identification. I tried to follow the sketching of one of these eyes but soon the image shifted into something else. I then drew my 'power' animal with the eye I had draw which supposedly is a deer. The deer ended up having peacock-eye feathers at the ends of its antlers and were meant to give the aire of a unisex animal. <br> <br> I drew for a long time and everyone eventually left the room. I was so involved in my drawing that it was no concern of mine. I actually liked the alone time. I was able to explore my surroundings without anyone there to cause me to feel self-conscious and I was so involved with trying to create the expressions showing themselves to me I didn't even really feel alone at all. <br> <br> All of this was a crazy experience for me. It was my first time, and I tried to keep everything as positive and light-hearted as possible so as not to trigger any kind of 'bad' trip. If I ever get the opportunity again I will explore the deeper side much more than I dared this time though not to say I didn't have some real revelations. <br> <br> When everyone came back into the room I suggested we go for a walk around the block. They seemed a bit reluctant but then warmed up the the idea. We went outside when the the sun was just setting so I would say it was about 8:30. The dusk sky looked amazing. I had trouble taking my eyes away from it actually. We walked for was seemed like forever even though in actuality it was about 15 to 20 minutes. I specifically remember M handing me a strange little white piece of gum while walking down the road. I put it in my mouth and suddenly was overwhelmed with all kinds of crazy sensations of taste, texture, and strange simple movements of my jaw all combined was almost too much for my brain to process and walk at the same time. I literally gasped with amazement and almost fell over in the middle of the street. <br> <br> I then decided to go walking through someones yard with tall vibrant green grass. The grass was so strange. I had no real concept of how tall it actually was and it seemed the more I walked through it the taller it got or the smaller I became, both seemed equally plausible at the time. M soon followed and thought it was equally crazy. <br> <br> We got back and I walked around a little bit more before going inside. Being outside was a wonderful experience and I didn't really want to be inside but it was dark and the night is not the time to walk around such a place especially tripping balls on acid. So I eventually went inside and back to his room to smoke a little more and chill. At this point I can't really remember anything specific. I mostly sat back and explored my thoughts and more strange visuals for I guess a few hours. I remember watching people talk among themselves and almost feeling as if I wasn't actually in the room with them but just observing from some third party perspective. The intellectual side of the trip came into full swing now and I was lost in thought for at least an hour or so I believe. <br> <br> The next thing I know it's 1 or 2 in the morning and My Love started to express his want of heading back to my residence since he had to work in about 5 hours. I didn't want to leave. I was completely awake and mentally engaged with no sign of comedown any time soon. I soon realized we needed to go though and we said our parting words. <br> <br> The ride back I become extremely self analytical suddenly. It was a cycle of self doubt, self comfort, and self realization. It never became a true negative experience but I did learn some personal patterns and 'flaws' of my personality. When I look back it helped me come to terms with myself on a very real and personal level. I am a better understood person because of this experience and I was able to see things clearly about my personality for the first time in a way. During all of this, My Love let me know I was probably coming down a little and things tend to swing toward the negative if you allow it. I doubted my actions throughout the night and questioned if I expressed the right energy towards the people around me. I became slightly disgusted with myself at one point but then realized the negative energy was completely unnecessary and I was determined not to ruin this experience with shallow thoughts of social anxiety. <br> <br> After the nice long talk, we finally arrived at the house. my Love was very tired by now and suggested we put on 'Blue Planet', an animal documentary of ocean creatures. I've been fascinated with animals my whole life so I have quite a collection of such entertainment. I watched 2 episodes with 'wide-eyed-wonder' haha. I have watched all the DVD's at least 3 times each but it was like I literally was seeing it for the first time again. I was completely amazed at the sights in front of me. There were millions of shinny silver fish all swimming together as one massive organisum with the ability to mold and shape itself. There were massive whales diving slowly into the deep and strange translucent creatures with huge dark eyes and glass like fins floating about the darkness of the deep ocean. All kind of things! I was blown away for a good hour just watching this show. <br> <br> By this time My Love was asleep and I was trying to occupy myself. The wood floor no longer shifted like it did when I first arrived so I knew I was coming down. I ended up watching an 80's music infomercial for a ridiculous amount of time but I finally snapped out of it and changed the channel to man that was telling a story of being bitten by a diamondback rattle snake in the middle of the wilderness. He had an amazing story and I hung on his every word of the ordeal. <br> <br> I also watched a CNN special call 'Tibet's warriors' on the Tibet monks dealing with the oppression of the Chinese government. A small part of me became Buddhist I must say. Their story was one of honor and courage that I rarely see in our contemporary society. <br> <br> I ended up not resting my eyes until about 6 in the morning. I say rest my eyes because I never really fell asleep. My mind was still engaged but slowed due to the 10 hour trip. I woke 4 hours later completely refreshed and ready to see what the day would hold. I felt I had an after glow almost and I was extremely content. I went all day feeling very mentally alive and almost having an aire of rebirth. The next night was when I finally got a true night's sleep. <br> <br> When I look back I had one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I was able to look at life unbiased and open to interpretation. My mind felt clear and revived. I realized I am the master of my reality and I can always choose how to react and to react negatively is both detrimental and unnecessary in most cases. I feel more alive, really. I've been sleeping in a normal daily routine for so long I didn't even realize, but now I am awake. The main difference is I've been exploring the spiritual side of myself again. I used to be Christian but that idea slowly grew stale and impersonal. Buddhism is one of the ideas I will explore more now though to be solid in one way of thinking is not my goal. All in all, I had a wonderfully profound experience and I will hopefully never forget it.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 73201</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 25, 2012</td><td>Views: 37,945</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=73201&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=73201&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), First Times (2)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 tablets</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 glasses</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Beer/Wine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:35</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 tablets</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:05</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:55</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:55</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:55</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">57 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Before I begin I would firstly like to state that I am 19 years old and up until mid-2009 I had never tried any entheogenics. I began smoking cannabis in 2007 and up until Dec '08 I tried my first entactogen (MDMA). Up until now I have experimented with a few over-the-counter drugs and have been researching the clinical health of the mental states of consciousness and the effects of psychedelic drugs. Here we go...<br> <br> It was a Saturday night and I was hanging out with my good mates N and D. The night began at approximately 8:30. We were all having a party at a good friend's house and everybody was having a great time partying on<br> <br> 8:45 PM: I ingested half a E and washed it down with a beer or two, socializing was good fun and I was in a collective mind state, (bear in mind I knew about 5 or 6 people out of the 13 or so people there) at this point in time I was just dancing away to the music that was playing.<br> <br> 8:56 PM: I am still waiting for the effects to kick in, we have now smoked all the cigarettes we had (I don’t advise anyone do this when effects are in motion). I drove down to the nearest service station to stock up on supplies, at this point no effects are present.<br> <br> <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br> <br> 9:15 PM: back at the party I am starting to feel a slight shift in my state. No major effects yet just, mild mydriasis and a heightened motivation to dance!<br> <br> 9:20 PM: I decide to take the other half of the E to regulate a sigma effect. My friend N takes 1 blotter of LSD. By this time I feel the effects begin to increase and my mood is beginning to elevate.<br> <br> 9:35 PM: a taxi arrives and we jump in and drive to another party for our friends 21st birthday. By now I am in love with everyone and my emotions are so strong followed with the pulsating charge. Mentally I am beginning to see a change in perception, my friends are beginning to feel it also.<br> <br> 9:50 PM: we arrive at the party and by this stage I have reached my first plateau. Socializing has never been easier. In my life I have grown up with very low self-esteem. Any of these feelings are completely eradicated from my mind. I was in total control. Now is the time when I ingested half a tab of blotter LSD.<br> <br> 10:20 PM: I can feel the LSD beginning to take its hold by this point I am in a state of bliss and my visual field is taking on its effects. N and I stand together and he says to me that we should go back to D’s house cuz we set up his back shed with couches, bongs, and a fireplace. I thought that sounded like a great idea for I wanted to go somewhere and trip out and absorb as much as I could out of the night. As I looked down at the gravel near my feet I stared for approx 15 – 20 seconds to see very mild movement. Mentally I was relaxed but slightly anxious. I have had LSD a few times now and I have become comfortable with the effects of it. N and I decide to go for a walk and check out the playground that was 50 meters or so away from the party.<br> <br> 10:30 PM: We approach the park and the light is very dim due to the bushy surroundings and lack of street lights. As I looked at the sand I remember having unusual sensations rush through my body, only mild but still very intriguing. We decide to walk back to the party and gather our friends and try making a move. I feel mild effects from the LSD and the E has taken its full effect. I by this stage am incredibly sociable and get caught up in conversations on how good acid is ha-ha. By this stage according to the Shulgin rating scale I was having a plus-1 (+) experience.<br> <br> 10:40 PM: N approaches me and asked me when I wanted to take the other half. I was up for it so we both walked off again and took our other half, still feeling amazing from the E and I felt a deep connection to my friends and shared with them my feelings. I had no shame and deep things didn’t seem to bother me in the telling of.<br> <br> 11:00 PM: D’s younger brother came and picked us up from the party. Here is where it started to get interesting. Up until now I was quite simply euphoric and socializing with people I seen. As we were driving I noticed a shift in perception. It felt to me like I had just started coming up: no major effects present, just a comfortable buzz and general conversation about how everyone’s night is coming along.<br> <br> 11:40 PM: we arrive at D’s house out in the bush: approximately 60 square meter shed with a sliding door tin walls and roof, steel truss structure with a fire place on the north wall situated in the middle of the shed, with 3 couches and a table. At this stage I was starting to wonder as to whether or not I would feel much of the blotter. I was still raging from the pill. I thought about how I was feeling and felt a strange sensation come over me. Up until now I was paying little attention to my visual field and was more or less captivated by my thoughts. It wasn’t until I realized that I was not talking to anyone that I looked up at N who was sitting next to me. I then found that I was beginning to zone pretty hard. His face contorted and his eyes were rotating in circles! I fell into a trance and the longer I looked at him the more distorted he became. I was drawn into it; I looked into his eyes and then it hit me!!! I had moved into a stage 2 experience (++ experience).<br> <br> I saw myself in his eyes and as I was sitting there in awe. I flinched and felt a powerful cathexis charge rush over me. Mydriasis was in full effect now. I felt an intense connection with my friends overcome me and that's when my depth perception and clarity of thought elevated to a new level that I have never been before. D then jumped on his pelvic exercising apparatus and began to do pelvic thrusts. I can’t remember laughing so hard in my life prior to this event. He then fell off it onto the floor face first laughing out of control. My visual field was totally encompassed by the effects. By now I had moved into the next wave. Everything in my vision was strobing and morphing to unusual designs. I decide to take another half a tab for I had never felt this in control. After sticking it under my tongue we decide to smoke some of the high grade hydroponic marijuana that we had sitting in the bowl. As I pulled the cone I looked at the cone piece and once I had pulled it I sat back and felt my head swelling with an intense euphoria. About 10 seconds later it hit me full force and I was tripping out max!<br> <br> From here on I can’t for the life of me remember time and it's span. From here on I will describe how I moved from my stage 2 experience to the stage 3 (+++ experience) and here is where the meat of my experience pours forth.<br> <br> I was sitting in my chair having bongs and losing myself in the experience when I looked up towards the wall in front of me and could see vivid movement of nuts and bolts scaling up and down the wall. I drew my gaze to the other side of the shed to see that my vision was picture framing and every inch of eye movement would disrupt what was there. By this stage nothing was staying still. Amongst all this chaos I had found deep, deep clarity and an overwhelming sense of power shot through me like a cannon. I could feel the extreme dilation of my pupils. I looked around the room as if I was a god and could create anything with my mind.<br> <br> I went outside of the shed to get some fresh air for the shed was completely tripping me out. As I went outside I looked at the ground to see morphing geometrical shapes. This was not all too exciting as the poor levels of light under the sky. Then I looked up and to my amazement the moon had the most vibrant blue and purple aura around it and was beginning to go banana shaped. The stars were infinitely bright and were constantly changing to form constellations. The sky hollowed out, tunneling towards the moon. At this point I felt a presence that I had not felt up until this point. I was in a complete state of mental control: I felt invincible, I thought some very profound thoughts and delved into my psyche, I was prepared for anything. I was dwelling upon the thought of having a bad trip and how it is a concept that freaks the fuck out of anyone to the point where they would never want to go near this substance. I have done highly extensive research on entheogenic drugs and how they all target the 5-HT receptors (5-hydroxytryptamine) receptors. I was well aware of how LSD mimics serotonin and I had a positive mind set accepting that once I confront a bad trip I will most likely learn the most about myself in that time for my deep subconscious would be revealed. Instantly after I thought this I felt the most profound sensation of spiritual awareness and was immersed in the knowledge that poured out of my inner-most thoughts. Indeed my in-depth knowledge saved me in this situation for I was temporally insane.<br> <br> I returned to the shed and my friends were indeed tripping out just as much as I was. The thing about our experience together is that my friends and I are religiously interested in the human psyche and all the aspects of psychology. I have read books on psychology of human relationships and all of my knowledge seemed to suddenly emerge with a depth and clarity that I have never perceived in my entire life. I had activated the universal mind. Anything I thought about would set off a cathexis charge (very strong energetic charge given of before emotion is felt). I walked down the path towards the house to get a drink. As I looked down I noticed everything looked like Lego: the weeds and grass had a 2D shape and colours would fluctuate through the strains of grass. I was amazed as to how my entire world had changed and my perception of reality was at a cosmic level of understanding yet at the same time I was completely and utterly hypnotized by the bright patterns that had taken over my visual field.<br> <br> As I returned to the shed my friends had reached the same level as I had and were smoking more bongs and falling deeper and deeper into themselves. Now is when we decided to have nangs. D was up first. He inhaled the nitrous and covered his face with a blanket to see the visuals. About 15 seconds later he cried out with a fright “what the fuck I’m a camel where am I are get me out of here!!!” N was quick to pull the sheet from over his eyes and assured him where he was and who he was. This was a minor incident that had no major negative after effects, it came around to my turn for a nang. I inhaled the gas and then I pulled the sheets over my eyes. All I could see was blackness with a small static blur in the center of my eyes. As the strobing from the nang took full force the buzz encompassed my whole vision and I felt a new definition of pain. Whether or not it was pain I would never know I can just clearly remember thinking those exact words. I pulled the sheet away from my eyes to see that my whole world was still moving in front of my eyes. As I looked up I felt that I was telepathically connecting to my friends and the longer I sat there the deeper into my trance I went. As I looked at N everything behind him began to take on multilayer vision with a slightly transparent double of what I was actually seeing. The room was overcome by bright green flickering haze and once again I could see my face in the place of my friends head. I had a crazy epiphany that I was on the verge of death but the thought of it didn't bother me in the least. I was so at one with myself that I had felt completely detached from my body and felt that what was in my head was the only thing keeping me in my body.<br> <br> I felt that I was at one with everyone in the room, we had a powerful connection and it brought us all together. I sat there flooded with thoughts of wisdom and a clear retrospective view on where my life was heading. I realized that I had been kidding myself all along thinking that I had my shit together. Then it all made sense I was simply passing the time and wasting my potential to sow wisdom and knowledge to those who need it.<br> <br> I had reached a critical point now. I was at war with myself and felt feelings that I had not felt since before puberty. I felt a strong feeling of sympathy towards my family and for the first time in my life I had truly grasped just how much suffering I had endured and put my family through. I felt strong love and friendship towards everyone in the room. I was in a Zen state and I didn't want to leave it.<br> <br> It wasn’t until now that I felt a powerful sensation that I had never felt before in my life. I could hear what my mate was saying in spite of no lip movement from him. I had awakened my ESP. The most bizarre part was when I saw his face, whatever expression he had, I felt. ESP is not what everyone thinks it to be. I gained insight into the situation and realized that time was relative and can be bent to our will. Minutes felt like hours and the entire night lasted an eternity.<br> <br> N was in wonderland and D was in a state of fluctuating emotions and thought patterns. There was a tinge of perplexity accompanied by strong emotional charges that kept persisting throughout the lot of us. D decided to switch the light out to see how the visuals would be. He flicked the lighter on and to my amazement I saw what looked like two mirrors facing each other. The light traced off in front of my eyes with at least 100 repetitions. This truly blew me away. I had never seen full tracers up until now.<br> <br> I had entered a new dimension. I had become fully lucid and saw vivid shapes lined with a green and yellow neon aura. I looked at my hand to see it age 5 lifetimes in colour and texture. I noticed small octagon shapes emerge with a brightness that astonished me. Suddenly my entire hand was covered in this green glowing pattern and my hand became a 3D pixelated structure resembling the first stages of 3D animation. Skin colour was not there and I became a hollow frame off an ethereal existence. I was complete. I became enamored in knowledge and I could grasp anything that I could conjure up.<br> <br> As the morning crept in, light began to bring me back slowly to reality. After it was all over I was in a total state of serenity I carried out the rest of my day with ease and finished off the night with the best sleep I have had in a long time. I plan to do this again. LSD is truly a mind blowing instrument into the human subconscious and I advise anyone who is interested in self-development and personal growth to try this but make sure the set and setting are comfortable and relaxed for this aspect of the trip is crucial in the outcome of a trip. Being somewhere not in your control can prove disastrous. Remember that you can do anything you put your mind to, control your thoughts and emotions for in a situation like this - they can be your worst enemy.<br> <br> Peace!!!<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 81325</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 26, 2012</td><td>Views: 14,133</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=81325&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=81325&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">MDMA (3), LSD (2), Nitrous Oxide (40) : Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 8:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">200 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> It was around 12:30am when a very peculiar looking character rolled up on a dark red moped. 'Sorry for making you guys wait so long,' he told me and my friends. He reached inside his little fanny pack that was tied around his belt a pulled out a huge block of bubblelicious bubble gum wrapped in cellophane. 'Well here's your 'cid. I put an extra one in there for having to wait so long.' Me and my crew knew that the fucker was supposed to be there at least 4 hours ago. 'And you know, I have an extra one in my pocket that I'm probably not gonna eat anyway so you can have it too.' He took it out of his pocket and set it on top of the brick. <br> <br> There were 18 hits in total for a group of four acid veterans who were very sketchy about this whole bubblegum business; it was the first we'd ever heard of such a thing. It was me who had found this dude giving us the stuff, and we were already beginning to think we were getting ripped off. Acid is very hard to come by in the great state of Texas, so we knew there would be hell to pay if this son of a bitch runs off with our cash. I gave the man $160 and he drove away in on his moped. 'What kind of drug dealer drives a fucking moped!?' my friend Cody asked, 'I had better fucking trip or I'm gonna find that guy and kick his ass!' Our patience wore thin as the guy was 4 hours late, but there it was, 16 hits plus 2. Now something you must understand, acid is not a fairly common drug around these parts. Hell, I felt proud of myself that I had even found any, but when you do find some it's usually weak and you have to take so much of it that you get pissed for spending all that money. <br> <br> Four of the hits were not ours; someone had given me some money and bought some. This will affect my trip later so it's imperative that you know this. The actual bubblegum looked very legit, you could actually see the acid dripping out of the hole that the guy had made to drop it in. We split up the brick four ways so that we each had 3 hits, and split the 2 extra hits in half so we each had a half. We all started chewing at the same time and went back inside to play video games. So the crew which consisted of Zac, Cody, Johnny, and me, were inside waiting for the stuff to hit us playing Halo 1. 'You know I've got a feeling this is actually legit,' Cody said. 'Why?' I asked. 'Because I feel really relaxed, and usually I feel relaxed when I'm about to trip the fuck out.' He was right, the room had been absolutely quiet for the past 15 minutes, not a word uttered, were we already frying to the point to where we were zoning out. It wasn't too much longer before me and Zac noticed that we were doing incredibly bad at the game. 'Alright dude, I can't concentrate,' said Zac. 'Yeah me neither.' So we went out to the garage to smoke cigarettes. Even though I don't smoke, might as well follow the crowd. <br> <br> It was like we transitioned into a different world when we walked through the garage door. It hit us all at once. I noticed that the car door for the garage was breathing in and out, and a bottle hanging from the ceiling by a wind catcher from a party we'd had earlier in the year was swinging violently back and forth, but it wasn't. I was trying to hold myself together because I didn't know if everyone else was tripping like I was. 'Dude, I'm fucked up!' said Johnny, and a wave of laughter came over all of us, and it kicked in the full effects of this wonderful drug. 'I feel like dancing!' said Cody, and he started doing the weirdest dances known to modern man. He did a move where he makes his body limp and pulls himself back up by his collar. For a moment, I thought he was an actual ragdoll, the thought caused me to laugh hysterically. I looked around at the garage and noticed that everything's shadow was moving, but the object itself was staying still, and the garage closet was moving as though the wind were blowing it in and out. <br> <br> It was around this time I wanted to go and relax and enjoy my trip. 'I'm gonna go inside and lay down,' I said. As I walked through the door I noticed Zac's picture. It was an oriental dragon flying through the clouds with some sort of kanji next to it. The dragon looked as if it was coming out of the picture and moving and twisting it's long body through the room as the clouds came out with it. 'Wow,' I said. How something so beautiful can be so bad? The dragon turned towards me and opened its mouth and inside I saw the earth, the room was making noise and the clouds seeping out of the poster started making thunder and lightning, it was so overwhelming. I started to notice that my eyes were burning and I blinked, and it was all gone, and the room was quiet again. The dragon was back in his frame just gliding through the background. 'That was cool.' It was all that I could say, the experience had left me in complete awe. How long had I been standing there I wondered, had my thoughts began to rip the very fabrics of time and space? I knew I was in the thick of it; I'd gone down the rabbit hole and walked through the doors of perception. Now all I could do was take the ride. <br> <br> 1:45 AM. I was still standing in the middle of the living room, wondering if what I had just seen was possible. I could feel the beast coursing through my body. My senses were amplified so much to the point where I didn't need my glasses. I heard footsteps coming from the garage and heard the back door knob jiggle, in came the rest of my crew all laughing hysterically, which in turn made me laugh. 'How long have you been standing here?' asked Zac. 'I don't know, not that long I guess.' We then retreated back to Zac's room. While we walked down the hall it seemed to get longer and longer. I thought I heard the song 'For Your Love' by the Yardbirds for a second but even now I don't know whether it was reality or just some fucking strange loop in my mind's inability to perceive what was going on. <br> <br> We sat down and smoked some grass. The room felt like a capsule in which endless possibilities were drawn on the walls. We all couldn't sit still. It was amazing we were all thinking each other's thoughts. There was no need for communication, simple grunts, laughs, and hand gestures allowed us to understand what we were each seeing or hearing. Zac's room in itself was a trip, different characters from other people's minds were drawn onto the walls, the people's creativity splattered on the surfaces for an everlasting moment, all moving and distorting. I could actually taste their colors and I felt as though everything was a part of me. 'Shit won't stop moving man!' exclaimed Cody, pulling me out of my trance. He had removed his shirt and was sweating profusely; he looked like a wildman, someone who was raised by wild beasts in the jungle and couldn't possibly fit in with the rest of society. <br> <br> 2:30 AM. I didn't feel comfortable sitting down; there was an urge to move so that nothing could grow too attached to my body. If I did sit, I knew I wouldn't move for hours. I got up and went down the spiraling hallway to the living room again. I noticed Zac was in the kitchen drinking a soda on which the graphic was spiraling round and round as the can itself remained still. I too was very thirsty. <br> <br> I grabbed one and opened it, my senses all amped up to near superhuman perceived the opening can as an explosion and gave me a scare. Zac laughed at my stupidity, so did I. I drank from the kaleidoscopic can. The liquid felt like electricity quenching my thirst but making my body's senses go haywire as if someone threw a wrench into the mechanics, an electric impulse that started at the back of my neck, went down my spine to my feet, then up again to the back of my brain. As I moved my head back to its regular position, I felt the soda swirling all throughout my being, like a cold snake burrowing through my innards to kill my thirst. 'This is the best soda I've ever drank man!' I said while laughing, I felt as if everything in life was meant to be joyful and nothing could make it bad. This is where my mind slipped off the tracks. <br> <br> I put the rest of the acid back in the fridge so that it would be fresh for the guy who bought it. I looked just to check and see if it was still there, there were supposed to be four individual pieces of gum, but there were only three. I felt fear and anger creep up my spine like the way magma flows to the mouth of a volcano. 'WHO THE FUCK ATE ANOTHER FUCKING HIT!?' My words seemed to make the very earth itself shake, 'THERE WERE FOUR FUCKING HITS THAT WEREN'T OURS IN THE FRIDGE AND NOW THERE'S ONLY THREE! WHO THE FUCK TOOK IT!?' By this time Cody had run to the kitchen and was freaking out, 'Dude I swear to God I didn't take it.' 'Those weren't my fucking hits man. This isn't cool!' All of a sudden I didn't feel safe, I felt that everyone was my enemy, no one could be trusted. I stormed off to the living room in a rage. All of the walls were starting to close in on me, the floor turned to slime and the ceiling started to melt and hang down like goo. I was scared by the thoughts of what was going to happen if I didn't have all the hits. My world was imploding and it felt as though I was already dead. Then, I heard Zac's words and they snapped me back to reality, 'Oh shit dude, this is gonna make him have a bad trip.' He was right, I had already started decomposing from the inside out. I knew that if I started losing it, everyone else would too. I have to take control, push the thoughts aside, what's done is done there's no way to change it. I forced my mind to forget the nightmares that were to come, stay in the now and forget about the future. 'Ok guys, what's done is done, fuck it, I'm not gonna have you guys have a bad trip because of me. So just forget about it, let's move on.' <br> <br> 3:45 AM. With the situation over with I soon forgot about the missing hit. Objects were dancing back and forth, and pictures with different characters in them were coming to life before my very eyes. Music! I thought, Music would make this a whole lot cooler. I put my hand inside my pocket and pulled out my MP3 player and went back to Zac's room the rest of the crew was out smoking cigarettes. I lay out on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. Zac has a lot of stars drawn onto his ceiling with chalk. I focused on the stars while listening to Planet Caravan by Pantera. The song is very psychedelic. It's about a space caravan and has a very fluid sound. <br> <br> As it played I closed my eyes and felt as though I was floating through the sky, looking down through the clouds and seeing the entire city's lights from a bird's eye view. Then I soared higher until I broke through the atmosphere and was flying through space. I saw the world in all its purple beauty spiraling through the cosmos. I opened my eyes; I was back in the room looking at the stars. I concentrated on the ceiling, and one by one the stars started to peel off like stickers, then they hovered right underneath the ceiling and started waving like a flag, all in synchronization. Stars then started sprouting out like flowers in a fast stop motion film. I saw a shadow move across the room and a wavy figure standing in the doorway. <br> <br> 4:30 AM. 'Dude what're you doing?' Zac said with a chuckle. 'Just lie down and put this on.' I handed him the MP3 player. I went to go lay on the couch in the living room but I noticed a guitar and an amp in the back of the room. Now, I'm an avid guitar played, no Eddie Van Halen perhaps but I do know my way around a fret board. This guitar was a Dean From Hell. It's a blue guitar with lightning on it and was just sitting next to an amplifier. I touched it, felt the 'energy'. I picked it up plugged it in and began to play. According to what the crew was saying I had never played so good in my life. As I played I looked down at the lightning on the guitar, when I would make a note, the lightning would fluctuate. I felt as though that I could cause the beginning of new life or destroy it with this guitar. I could disorient the very universe with the flick of the whammy bar. And it was good. <br> <br> 5:30 AM. Around this time I went outside and saw the purple sky - the sun was coming up. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I immediately ran inside and got the crew. 'Come outside its beautiful!' We all ran out and examined the spectacle. The clouds seemed to be objects floating and casting their shadows upon the canvas that was the sky. The purple and golden rays seemed to be cleansing the sky of all impurities. We all stood for about an hour. <br> <br> 7:00 AM. Everyone started to get tired; after all it had been about eight hours since we dropped it, plus the endless amount of waiting we had to endure for the stuff to actually get to us. The trip was starting to wear down and everyone had been lying in their sleeping spots for a while, still tripping and shaking. Strangely I didn't feel tired; I was just up and walking around looking at everyone wrapped up in their blankets like caterpillars in cocoons. The thoughts about the stolen hit were still in the back of my mind. Zac was still awake, and I was asking him about whom he thinks might have taken it 'I don't know man, but I have an idea for you if you're that worried about it.' 'Lay it on me.' 'You should go and eat one more hit, and tell the guy that theirs 2 hits on each gum.' It was a brilliant plan, one that would make even the Watergate masterminds say wow. At least it was to me. So I went to the fridge and opened it up and took one more hit. <br> <br> 7:15 AM. This amounted to my fourth one. It didn't even take five minutes for me to feel the familiar rushing sensation. I was locked in my dreamland again. There was a girl who I have never seen before just laying out on the couch, I didn't even know when she had gotten there, or at least I couldn't remember, I guess she woke up because of my constant shuffling about the house. 'I need to go home,' she told me, 'Where's Joey?' Joey? I knew who she was talking about, but I had no idea that he was here. 'I don't know, I'm still tripping. Just look around the house, I'm sure he's around here somewhere.' Her make-up was poorly done, and although she had a nice body, she wasn't much to look at. 'Alright,' she told me, 'But look with me, I don't know whoever lives here and I just don't wanna be walkin' around in someone's house and...' Her words started to run together, and her mouth was producing sentences at a million miles per hour. I couldn't concentrate, I was completely zoned out on her poorly drawn make-up, melting face, and fast-talking mouth that didn't make any noise other than complete and total nonsense. <br> <br> 'What?' she asked. Was I talking? Did she hear me? Did I really say all those things to her face? 'I didn't say anything.' So we ended up finding Joey blacked out on the couch with a Seagram's 7 bottle in his hand. She woke him up and asked him to take her home. 'Fuckin' shit alright go get in the car.' I asked to go along since he was coming back anyway. 'Yeah whatever dude.' She got in the front seat and I got in the bed of the truck. At this point the trip was in full effect and was distorting my perception and amplifying everything again. As we took off I felt the truck rumbling underneath me. The ground was moving very fast. Maybe when we move, we ourselves do not move, but the earth itself rotates to create movement. This thought plagued my thoughts as I could not think of anything else. Then I felt the truck stop. The girl got out and left without saying a word, nothing more than a memory in my sick and twisted acid filled mind. <br> <br> 8:00 AM. When we had gotten back I felt a cool breeze as if the house wanted me to come back in. 'I'm gonna chill out here for a while man,' I told Joey, even though he probably didn't care. He shrugged his shoulders and went inside to pass out. I had never tripped during the day before. Drugs are never meant to be used during the early morning hours when nice upstanding average Joes kiss their average Janes and go off to work to contribute to society. The freaks are the ones who are out at night looking for that next rush, the next push to knock them into another reality, while the Joes and Janes sit in their nice little homes, cozy, not having a care in the world, the freaks, monsters, and junkies come out to have their fun. But, once every so often, one of the freaks will go out on a limb to push it as hard and as long as they can and wander around the average world, not being equipped to perceive or see with average eyes. Theirs are eyes that have seen other worlds and have lived in them for so long, that 'normal' is just a word, not a way of life. <br> <br> As I sat on the porch bench nothing seemed to be really happening other than my senses being amplified. I looked at my arm. I have a natural bronze-like complexion and long hair, as I looked down my hair fell from my head and landed on my arm, I started to zone out, my arm started to turn into sand with my arm hair turning into small cactuses. Then it started to distort and little hills were starting to form. I had a desert on my arm, and my black hair started to curl around my arm. It formed into cracks which made my arm look like an even more realistic picture. I finally managed to tear myself away from the spectacle on my arm and looked straight ahead to the open yard and saw heaven. <br> <br> 8:30 AM. The yard was beautiful; I could see the leaf of every tree, each blade of grass, and every bug in radiant color. The whole thing looked like a big high definition T.V. and was so intense that it almost hurt to look at. Walk around the block, I told myself. Get everything out of this trip, you've just taken another hit, you've got another eight hours or so. So I popped in my MP3 player and started down the road. Everything was perfect, I was so overwhelmed by the beauty of everything that it was almost too fascinating to believe. The only way to describe the feelings would be to get in a near death accident, and learn to appreciate everything a little bit more. The road's gravel looked like small marbles that were moving around my feet when I came down onto the ground. Before I knew it I was back at the house. <br> <br> 11:00 AM. Acid is not always good to trip on when you're alone unless you're expecting it. When you are not alone, but everyone else is asleep, it's truly maddening. The want to talk to someone, to tell them what you are going through always helps, but it's very hard when the person is dead-ass asleep in front of you. I felt like I was going insane. The background of the house had seemed to go from wild and lively to dull and eerie. The sound of silence was killing me, what's to stop me from simply raising hell all over the house? Anything to stop the silence! No, I must remain calm, everything will be all right. I rolled a joint in hopes that it would calm my nerves, the acid had turned on me, I was now stuck in silence, gazing at the melting pictures of the house and trying to keep my feet away from the crumbling floor. Five hours or so of catatonic despair, total cosmic annihilation. Sitting. Waiting for I don't know what. Silence. No thoughts, no noise, just me and the blackness of space that now filled the room. <br> <br> 4:00 PM. Someone's at the door. It's Zac's mom. Luckily she's a hippy and would probably take some acid herself if she didn't have to do her own thing. 'ZAC! GET UP WE GOTTA GO GROCERY SHOPPING!' her voice echoed throughout the house and made the distorting hallway fluctuate like a wave. 'God damn it. OK! Fuck.' Zac got up slower than a glacier moves across Antarctica. 'Hey man, are you tripping again?' His face was twisted and had a very pale tone, I could almost see his skull. 'Yeah dude!' 'Alrighty man, hey do you want to come to the grocery store with us? I'm sure that'll be a fuckin' trip!' I decided to go, I didn't want to spend one more god damn minute in that house. <br> <br> 4:15 PM. Well as it turns out, the grocery store that we went to was one that I used to work at. Oh man, this is gonna be weird. As we walked up towards the store through the parking lot I started to have thoughts about when I used to work there. I saw the new recruits pushing carts, doing the old shit that I used to have to do, and now these poor bastards were doing the labor mindlessly like zombies. When we walked through the doors I felt the coolness of the inside air blow against my face like it was decontaminating my whole body. Then it got weird. <br> <br> I saw familiar faces, faces that I hadn't seen in almost five years. I didn't even know that most of them still lived in the same area. Now here I was, tripping on acid and seeing all these faces and ones that I didn't even know, staring back at me. The aisles of the store we lined with different products proudly displaying the pictures of their post-prepared insides. They all looked very delicious. As we walked by the salads I looked at their packages, the pictures of the salads looked like they were coming off the package and were floating right there in front of me, it looked like I could just grab it. But I knew it was just the acid and if I did in fact make a reach I would look like a complete dumb-ass. I walked further down the aisle and people started passing me left and right. What the fuck? They were all looking at me, staring me down like they knew that my head was full of acid. <br> <br> Finally we were headed to the check-out line, but there was one obstacle I still had to face. The girl who was at the check-out stand was one of my friends when I used to have a job. She didn't know about the freak inside me. The thoughts were starting to give me brain bubbles, what would I say? What would she think? Would she bring the hammer down? Would she..? Would she...? Would she...? 'I'm gonna go wait in the truck dude, I'm fuckin' trippin' balls man.' I had to get out of there. I couldn't fit in with this crowd especially since they already knew everything about me. As I waited in the truck I saw the people going into the store. Their faces all blurred and disoriented staring back at me. I couldn't handle it. I closed my eyes and watched the dancing colors and waited for the truck to move. <br> <br> 5:30 PM. The trip was starting to wear down, all of my senses were starting to come back to their original states. I felt tired, but the beast wouldn't let me go, not yet. My mind was telling my body that it needed rest, but the signals were all out of whack, making me tremble and shake. I lay down on the couch. I didn't want to be like this anymore. I closed my eyes and watched the visuals. I didn't know how long I was lying there. But I never once went to sleep. I was just an empty shell waiting for my soul to come back and take control. <br> <br> 10:30 PM. The visuals were long gone, but the weird feelings still remained. I didn't feel like I was tripping, but I was. My skin was very sensitive, and parts of my muscles were twitching and I wasn't controlling them. Am I going to be like this forever? 'Hey man, do you want me to take you home? You've been lying in that same position for hours, were you asleep?' Zac's voice seemed like I had not heard it in years. 'No, I've just been waiting for this fuckin' trip to stop. But yeah man, go ahead and take me home.' I got up and gathered my things and went out to the truck. <br> <br> 11:00 PM. On the way to my house, things seemed different. I would notice different visuals and get weird feelings about situations. I felt strung out, like the acid had taken my body and out it through the most gruesome therapy ever. The ridiculous amount of stress that was put on my body was beginning to show it's consequence. <br> <br> We finally pulled up to my apartment, 'See ya later man, just go to sleep you'll be good tomorrow!' I said bye to my friend and went up the stairs to my apartment. Sanctuary. Then the feelings overwhelmed me, I was so tired I could barely walk. What a crude mistress LSD is, but oh so worth it. I got in the shower and turned the water on. The acid was still in me, but barely. The beast was finally dying and I was the victor. I felt every drop, every molecule of water hit my skin. I zoned out in the tub. I had to will myself out of the tub, I had gotten too relaxed and thought that I was in there for hours. When I got into bed I turned on my PS3 and started watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I glanced at the clock. <br> <br> 12:45AM. I had tripped for 24 hours straight, incredible. I could barely see anything now and the body fry had calmed down enough for me to finally relax. I just lay there watching the movie, I don't even remember going to sleep. I just remember Dr. Gonzo and Raul Duke's words. Gonzo: 'We're your friends, we're not like the others.' Duke: 'GET IN.' <br> <br> 10:30 AM. When I woke up, I felt renewed, confident. I was just up and wanting to go out and do things. I could smell the air, taste the nitrogen and oxygen compounds that graced my nostrils. Everything was vibrant and radiant color. I was ready for anything, come whatever may I thought. Let's get this day started, with a new understanding.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 83671</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 27, 2012</td><td>Views: 10,434</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=83671&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=83671&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.25 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance">Pharms - Haloperidol</td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 bowls</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 bowls</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 12:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/alprazolam/">Pharms - Alprazolam</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">220 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> A quick question for all you readers. What do predestination, time travel, the afterlife, Larry David, Afroman, and the fundamental secret of reality all have in common? They were all part of the most ridiculous mindfuck I have ever experienced - and this was all after taking a mere 2 hits of LSD. Now, what I took may not have been LSD - one of the my friends told me the following day that it may have been PCP, and given that I had done acid once before, with no similar effects, he may have been right. So first, let me begin with a brief wrap-up of my first experience with LSD. <br> <br> It was October of last year, and I took 6 hits...what can I say, I'm an adventurous kind of guy. It was fun - I felt great, and everything was rippling. That's about it. I enjoyed it an awful lot, so I decided that I would have to try it again some time in the near future. I dosed for the second time was March of this year. It was spring break, and I went down to Austin, TX to visit some of my friends from high school. My intention was to get extremely baked, and I decided that if I could find some acid, I would try that as well. <br> <br> I started off the day by smoking a few bowls of some KB (I think it was Snow Caps) out of a Volcano. Good times. I later went over to the house of a friend I hadn't seen in a while, and I told him I was looking for some Lucy. He scored me 5 hits. While at his place, we proceeded to smoke some more bud. A lot more. We ripped a bowl of AK-47 out of a Roor, split a massive joint (I'm not sure how much was in it, but I'd say at least a gram), and took several hits out of a vaporizer - not a Volcano, but effective nonetheless. After the toke-fest had ended, I took 2 of the 5 hits he had gotten for me. They were in Sweettarts. Quite a tasty way to do it, if you ask me. He and his housemates had also just made some brownies out of 2 oz. of chronic. I’d never eaten weed before, so it wasn’t like I could pass it up. I ate one of the brownies and prepared myself for a fun time. <br> <br> We sat there and watched a little bit of ‘Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone’, a fairly good acid movie. As I was coming up, I noticed that the colors were enhanced. That was about it. After watching a little bit of the movie, I went outside to have a cigarette. My friend P was talking about how when you’re on acid, it feels like all your senses are merging into one. I’m not sure if I had heard that before. The first time I did acid, I didn’t feel any kind of synaesthesia. But as I sat outside smoking my cigarette, I started to realize what he was talking about. <br> <br> Multi-sensory synthesis is pretty hard to describe, but basically, I started to feel like I was no longer an entity that saw, touched, tasted, smelled, and heard things. I was an entity that just was. I was purely existing, nothing more. I lost all awareness of any underlying mental processes, any sense of self, anything that could be broken down or examined. It was about this point that I understood everything, and I mean everything. Well...sort of. It made perfect sense at the time, but now, it just seems stupid. Basically I realized that the most fundamental philosophical truth of reality is the identity statement, i.e. that things are equal to themselves. This may have been brought about by the synaesthesia. My sensory experience was indivisible, and so I was overwhelmed by tremendous feeling of universal equivalence. At this point, I was completely freaking the fuck out. I called up a friend to tell him about my profound moment of enlightenment, but I only got his voicemail, so I proceeded to leave a babbling, incoherent rant that lasted so long I was interrupted by a message telling me I had used up all of my allotted time. What I said was something along the lines of “We are the one...we are the multisensory transconceptual multispatial one that is realized as the one that is now and was then and always will be. We are the one. We are the one. Mulisensory fusion...multisensory fusion... We are the one... we are the one that is now that was then that will be then that will be...” <br> <br> Despite the fact I was tripping my balls off, I decided that playing some Guitar Hero was in order. My friend drove me over to his friend’s apartment, where GH was plentiful. I was totally stoked at showing everyone how good I was despite that I was out of my fucking mind. I don’t like to toot my own horn (on second thought, maybe I do) but I am fucking ridiculous at GH. Playing it while inebriated has never been a problem for me, but this time, it was. I sat there dumbfounded and watched as the notes went by and my rock meter quickly went from green to red to FAILURE. <br> <br> And here’s where the shit hit the fan. <br> <br> If I’m remembering this right, P turned to me and said “you’re dead.” His friends gave me a mock round of applause. A sober person would easily have known what he meant from the context: “you’re dead” meant that I had failed the song. But since I head full of acid and a bloodstream stuffed to the gills with THC, I took what he meant literally. <br> <br> I thought that I was dead, and he was some sort of god, and all his friends were gods, and they were applauding because I had finally left my body and returned to the land of my people. I imagined myself as combination of Pan and Kratos from the God of War games. I screamed, “FUCK JESUS!!! FUCK MOSES!!! FUCK MUHAMMAD!!!“ I was anxious to find out which god I was. “WAS I JESUS??!! WAS I JESUS??!!“ I yelled. I know that doesn’t make any sense, seeing as how I had just said “FUCK JESUS!!!“ but...whatever. <br> <br> This may not be all to the story - the details are hazy, but I’m pretty sure I changed my mind about the state of affairs a couple of times. I may have thought simultaneously I was a mere mortal who had been plucked from all of humanity because the gods admired me for my sense of humor, my outlook on life, and my contempt for religion in all its forms. That was what it appeared to be at first, but later on I jumped to the logical conclusion that at some point far into the future, a person had attempted time travel and accidentally destroyed the timeline, meaning that many years from now all of humanity will be sucked into a rift in the fabric of space-time. My friend and his friends were now benevolent time travelers who had plucked me from the masses because they liked my sense of humor. <br> <br> So, after I realized I was dead, and the guy’s apartment was heaven’s waiting room of sorts, I was ready to get down to business: doing tons of drugs and having sex with whoever I wanted. You might be thinking that this is the point where I started sexually assaulting people left and right. Fortunately, you would be wrong, although I turned into quite the asshole, shouting “C’MON! WHO WANTS TO JUMP ON MY DICK??!! WHO’S FIRST??!! WHO’S FIRST??!! WHO WANTS TO JUMP ON MY DICK!!??” at the top of my lungs. P tried to calm me down, but it was no use. I didn’t see the point in calming down - I was in heaven, and there were no longer any social norms. Which is why I punched P’s friend. That’s what I was told, but I distinctly remember whacking the guy on the back with a GH controller. <br> <br> Eventually, I got to be too much for P to handle, so he dropped me off at my other friend’s house, where I was staying for the week. I felt like I was trapped in a loop, although it was a good kind of loop, the kind where you feel great the whole while and there’s never any comedown. I also made a pass at my other friend’s girlfriend since I thought she was one of my sex slaves. Fortunately, he was there to keep me from doing anything stupid. <br> <br> For a lot of this time, I was babbling incomprehensibly. I think the synaesthesia was responsible for this - my babblings felt like a verbal instantiation of the flow of time, something that would normally be processed by a specific part of my brain, but now, it all coming out my mouth. As the hours wore on, my conception of the heaven I was inhabiting changed further and further. This is where predestination came in. I thought that I was one of the people who got saved. I associated those who got saved and those who didn’t with Democrats and Republicans, which reminded me of Larry David, an outspoken Democrat, for some reason. I thought I was allowed into heaven because I was the only human who had guessed it right; I had correctly predicted that heaven would need to look just like the real world and obey the same laws of physics, with the endless sex, drugs, and other hedonistic delights being the only things that separated it from the real world. Of course, I had predicted no such thing before hand. I also perceived my surroundings as a sauna, where I would sit with the guys from Afroman and pass the bong waiting for hot bitches to walk in and fuck us. Of course, all of this had to be permissible within the laws of physics. While all these thoughts were running through my mind, I continued to say a bunch of random shit like “FOR THAT KINDA LOGIC I COULDA SLAPPED A BROWN BITCH ON THE DINK” (I meant “dick,” but I said “dink,” although I think I also said “dick.” By the time the trip was over, I was convinced that I was God, I was black, and that my entire life had been a trick I played on myself that I could only escape from by reciting a specific alphanumeric sequence. The code got simpler and simpler as I came down from the trip, alternating between the words “I am tha muthafuckin God” and single numbers or letters. By the time the trip was over, I think the code was 3. The trip came to an abrupt halt only because my friends forced Xanax down my throat. <br> <br> Looking back at what I’ve written, I can see that a lot of it doesn’t make any sense. That’s because the trip didn’t make any sense. The truth is that I’ve only scratched the tip of the iceberg here. I could write much more, but this since this has already turned into a TL;DR report, I won’t. I don’t know if what I took was acid - the symptoms don’t match up, in my opinion - but I don’t seem to react to drugs in general the way that most people do. If what I took was acid, though, then those 6 hits I took last October must have been some unbelievably weak shit. The only thing that changed since October was that I had started taking .25 mg of haloperidol a day to manage my Tourette’s symptoms. Note the decimal in front of the 25. It’s a very small dose, and from what I’ve read, it isn’t supposed to exacerbate an LSD trip. If anything, it’s supposed to reduce the effects. I think it’s also worth noting that the entire time, I didn’t have any open or closed eye visuals. There weren’t even any ripples. <br> <br> Overall, I definitely wouldn’t want to repeat the experience. Several of my friends were rightfully pissed off by my behavior. Fortunately, there was no lasting damage. I didn’t wind up at the hospital, and I didn’t lose any friends in the process. In fact, I was back to my regular old self the next day.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 71918</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jan 2, 2013</td><td>Views: 28,949</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=71918&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=71918&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Cannabis (1), LSD (2) : General (1), Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> It all started on January 10, 2008. This is a list of the events (minus some of the more embarrassing ones) that occurred on that day. I cannot be sure of the order in which they all occurred since my memories of it are all jumbled around, but I’ll try my best to write it down it the right order. <br> <br> I consider myself somewhat experienced with acid, however nothing could have ever prepared me for the events that occurred on this nightmarish day. It had been one month to the day since I had taken acid. I had a new acid guy that I had been buying from for awhile. I’ll just call him SK. They were sugar cubes and they were fifteen a hit, sixty for five, and ten each for any order of ten and up. I know. It’s horrible, but he did always have some pretty good fucking acid. It would vary though. It would always be good, but sometimes it’d be much weaker or much stronger than normal. Now he hadn’t had any for a month. Two days before my trip, I’d called him. I’d left a message telling him that I wanted 20. He called me back the next day and informed me that he could get up to thirty tomorrow. So I said I wanted twenty. He said, “O.K.”. The next day, I tried to call him over and over. He wouldn’t pick up. Finally he called me back and said that he had it. I said I only wanted ten. In a pissed off voice, he said that he had just gotten twenty because I’d told him that I wanted it. I told him I’d call my friend and see if he wanted any. I called my friend and he said that he was saving up to buy an ounce of coke. So I tried to call my guy up. He didn’t answer. A little while later, I got my phone out to call him again, only to find that I’d missed a call from him a few minutes before. I called him up and told him I could do fifteen. He told me to hold on because it was all in one big thing and he had to go home and chop it up. Yeah right. Who makes their own sugar cubes anyways? He called me about fifteen minutes later and told me that he had it ready. I told him that it wouldn’t be a good idea to try to rip me off. I told him that I wanted them all to be real and equally powerful. He said that he was trying to get me a good deal and asked me how many times I’d bought acid from him. He told me that nobody was trying to me rip me off. He asked me where I wanted to meet and I told him I could meet him in the graveyard since there’d be no cops. He told me he didn’t want to meet there, but to meet him in the Kroger parking lot right by there. <br> <br> I walked there and saw him by a parked car that was full of people. A Decatur cop car rolled by and I told him that it had. He said, “I know”. The guy in the driver’s seat said something about Decatur. My guy pulled a string of sugar cubes wrapped in tinfoil out of his jacket pocket. Then he told me to put the money in the backseat of the car. I did. I just wanted to get this over with as quick as possible because I was afraid that the cops would roll up. I asked if he had change for a hundred because I had put one forty five or one forty three in the car. He asked the people in the car if anyone had change. They all said they didn’t. He said, “Let me take a look at this.” He looked at it and asked if I just wanted to get ten because he was trying to give me a good deal and it was a pain in the ass to have to take one out. I said, “O.K.”, and he pulled a big zip lock bag with two sets of five cubes wrapped up in tinfoil. I told him to give me my other shit back. He handed me my other leftover money. I asked the driver if I could get a ride since I was nervous walking on the street with acid. He told me that any other time he would have, but the car was packed, which it was. I told him O.K. and walked back home. <br> <br> I called a friend and asked him if he wanted to hang out. He told me that he would in awhile. I asked to talk to my other friend who lived in his basement. It was the same one I’d talked to earlier. I told him that I was coming over later and would give him a hit. He said that was cool. I told him peace and hung up. Now I’d never heard of anyone ever taking more than two of these, so I decided to take five. Now what I think happened, is SK got twenty hits and was mad that I didn’t buy them all, so he dosed at least five of them very heavily. I think he did this during the time when he thought I was getting only ten. When he found out that I would get fifteen, he decided to just give me fifteen regular hits, but when I was seven dollars short of 150, he decided to give me the bag of two sets of ten instead of the foil of fifteen, which was the bag with the five (or at least five, I never tried the other five) super dosed hits. I let them dissolve in my mouth and then I swallowed them. I think that I stashed the other five in my dresser drawer and then decided to put them in my coat pocket, which was lying on my closet shelf. <br> <br> I had smoked a little bit of weed with some of my friends a few hours before, but I’d come down quite awhile before this and had less than a buzz. Now I know that this is going to sound unbelievable, but if I were going to tell a lie, I’d at least tell a believable one. I’ve never heard of anyone feeling acid in this amount of time, but literally two minutes after swallowing them, I felt an intense warmth in my stomach. In seconds, the warmth had spread throughout my entire body. It was probably about ten seconds or so after the warmth in my stomach began, that I got a vision change. My vision wasn’t blurry, but it was a little bit like I was looking through someone else’s glasses. It was different than that, but that’s the only way I know how to describe it. I got extremely excited. Then I walked around my room and I think I went into my bathroom and looked in the mirror. Then I started feeling sedated and lied down on my bed. <br> <br> About five minutes after taking the acid, I decided to go downstairs and see what time it was. As I walked down the stairs, I looked out at the lawn through the living room windows. Now it was still green, but it was as if my mind saw it as silver. I thought of the fact that it was the exact same shade of silver as the silver Christmas tree our family had. I didn’t realize that the tree was right by the window until a few days later. As I turned my head towards the bookcase, the thought/picture of a tiger with silver and black stripes entered my head. I realized that I was going to have a real trip. I went down into the kitchen and then I went back upstairs. I realized about three minutes or so later that I’d forgotten to check the time. I went back downstairs. The stairs were bent off to the left and as I walked down, I felt as if I were walking at an angle. I walked into the kitchen. I think that I might have walked out of the kitchen and into the living room to go back upstairs when I realized I’d forgotten again. I went back into the kitchen and saw the time. I don’t remember what time it was, but I estimated that it’d probably been about ten minutes, making the time of ingestion around five fifteen. <br> <br> I did something for a few minutes. I don’t specifically remember what. I think I was in my room. Then I realized that I was getting way too fucked up, way too quick. I went into the kitchen and saw the time. A wave of fear swept through me. It was five fifteen. How could I be feeling like this in only fifteen minutes? The colors had gotten duller in a way. In another way though, they were a little shinier. I only noticed that my vision had changed, though. I didn’t analyze how. Everything looked kind of like a very realistic painting. I didn’t notice this at the time, though. I walked into my living room and out onto my front porch. A second after closing the door, I realized what a horrible mistake I’d made. <br> <br> The handle on the front of my door was gone. It was in fact gone in real life. I knew that all the other doors were locked. I’d locked myself out. I walked around and tried the side door, knowing that it was locked. Then I went around back and walked around the trampoline to delay trying to open the back sliding that I knew had a board in the place that would allow it to slide to open. As I walked towards the trampoline, which was towards the back of the yard, I looked into the yard beside me. I tried to call a friend who lived up in Illinois where my boarding school was. I started having the conversation before I even called him. The phone rang and rang. Finally I hung up. I thought I heard my old friend say, “Hello” just as I hung up. I didn’t want to sound desperate, so I didn’t call him back. There was a golden tint to everything. I thought, 'This is what a trip’s like.' <br> <br> When I was beside the trampoline, I looked down. Both of my feet were bent off to the right and I could see where the bone was sticking out at the same place on both sides. I didn’t see the bones themselves, but I saw them poking out underneath my pants. I knew that this wasn’t real, but it made it clear of exactly how fucked up I was going to get. I thought, ‘I’m feeling like this and seeing things like this now. I might have no idea what’s going on when I peak in two or two and a half hours from now.’ I know that acid can take longer than that to peak, but those were my thoughts. I realized that I could seriously hurt or even kill myself. I looked down again and saw my broken legs. The third time I looked down, I had completed my lap around the trampoline and was walking towards the house. In addition to having broken legs, my feet were now a melted puddle. I remembered that part a few weeks later. I started walking around in circles by my driveway saying, “No. No. No. No.” <br> <br> Then I started walking towards my house. My yard seemed much longer and stretched out than normal. I knew that it seemed more stretched out, but I didn’t realize just how much longer it seemed until I looked at the yard again while sober. It seemed that I’d been walking towards my house for quite a bit longer than I really had been. It was as if I was on a conveyor belt and was walking in place, getting no closer to my house. I reassured myself that it was just a drug effect and that I’d get there soon. I mentally told myself to be calm. I tried to open the sliding door, but it had the board there, just as I knew it would. <br> <br> I went around to a side window by the air conditioning, which was my way into the house when it was locked. My mom didn’t like me to get in that way, so she used to put boards and curtain rods in the windows to keep me from opening them. I used to use the shovel to pry it open. I had come in through the window when I’d gotten back. I’d also put the curtain rod back in place so my mom wouldn’t know I’d come in that way. However, if you push the window up really hard, it would knock the curtain rod down. I stood on the blue bench that I’d put there awhile back specifically for the purpose of standing on to crawl inside. I started pushing the window up as hard as I could to knock down the curtain rod. It would just ram the rod up against the top of the pain. I started to think about breaking the window, but then I thought about how mad my mom was when I’d busted the lock. I also thought about how I’d have to pay for it. A bead of sweat dripped down my face, feeling like sea foam spraying on me. I felt like I was hunting for whales in the seventeenth or eighteenth century, and the bench I was standing on was my boat. I started thinking, “Is a trip supposed to make me think thoughts like this?” I didn’t know if this was normal, or just part of the trip. I started to panic. Then I pushed the window up really hard and it broke the side of the pain and got stuck. It was open just a crack. I tried to pull it down so I could push it up again, but couldn’t. The thought of breaking the window started to get more and more appealing. <br> <br> I started screaming and smearing my hands across the window. I automatically and unintentionally pictured bloody handprints smeared across it. I looked at my neighbor’s house to see if anyone was watching me. I told myself that I had to quit screaming because someone would call the police, which would make this whole ordeal even worse. I went to the back sliding door and tried to slide the door against the board that blocked it from opening, the same thing I had been trying to do to the window. I started forcefully sliding the door back, in a vain attempt to knock the board out of the slot. Of course this did no good. I went back to the window and finally managed to push it back down. Then I pushed the window up so hard that the curtain rod bent into a ‘V’ and fell down. I climbed through the window and went upstairs. <br> <br> As I passed the railing, at the height of the top of the stairs, I thought, “I could end up falling down there today.” I walked into my bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror, and then looked down at my arms. They were bright red. So was my face. I’ve had this effect from acid before. I wasn’t sure if this discoloration was caused by me freaking out, causing blood to rush to my face, or if it was just a hallucination. As I walked into my room, I thought of the possibility that I could end up accidentally jumping out of my window, killing myself. My room was slanted at an angle that made it look like the side furthest from me was lower than the side by me and my door. My bed seemed really low to the ground. <br> <br> I lied down on my bed. The room and bed were all too familiar to me. They were where I spent so much of my meaningless life. As I lied on my bed, I started worrying that when my trip peaked, I wouldn’t know up from down, possibly causing me to feel as if I was falling. I stared at the wall. Warped thoughts wandered through my mind. I realized that I was just an animal. I was a primate, doomed to die like the rest of my kind. I woke up in this bed everyday, just to do nothing but live my pointless and temporary life. ‘What do I do?’ It felt like I was supposed to be doing something. I started thinking things like, “I have nothing to do because there is nothing to do. Life is so simple and pointless. It’s the same shit everyday. I’m going to die. My mom is going to die. I’m going to be there the day she dies, and nothing can prevent that.” I started to think about how this drug showed you the ultimate truth. I wanted answers. Now I’ve got answers. This drug was reality slapped right in my face. It was as if I had just found out for the first time, that I was going to die, and so was everyone that I cared about. We were just human beings. We weren’t allowed to live forever. <br> <br> I was absolutely consumed in fear. This was a new type of fear that I had never experienced before. It was the horrible realization of what I had already known. I continued to lie on my bed, and started to scream, “This is reality”, over and over again. I felt incredibly detached from my surroundings. I didn’t feel like I was in my room. I was inside of myself. I was zoning out from reality. Then I thought, “This is insanity”, over and over again. I could feel the insanity taking me over. I thought, “No wonder why they give you seven years a hit (which I know is a myth now). The government made this illegal because it shows you the truth. The government is only an evil empire that has one goal: to control you. They care nothing about us as people. They just want to keep us all in this little fantasy world that everyone lives in. They want to keep us blind to the truth, and that’s why this shit’s so illegal. They’re just mortals controlling mortals.” Now I saw the truth. Human beings had an expiration date. I was worthless, and my life had no meaning to it. No matter how successful you were in life, you were still nothing in the end. People went to college and did things with their lives, but in the end, they all died. Nothing mattered. This drug showed you exactly how insignificant you really were. It shows you that you really are going to die, and it shows you how nothing will matter in the end. I couldn’t believe that mankind had created this horrible drug. <br> <br> I couldn’t believe that those people had even sold me this shit, knowing what it was and what it could do. I felt betrayed, betrayed but not hurt. I knew that it was an illegal drug, but I felt almost as if I had bought it from a pharmacy or something, and had been told it was safe. I thought, “How many psych ward trips has this drug caused”, not really as a question, but as a truth. I looked at the wall by my window, and saw a large, blue, solemn looking face. It was probably blue, because the wall it was on was blue. I think that it was over the area where a poster hung. The face’s expression seemed to say, “This is the truth, John. Now you know. Sorry you had to find out like this.” <br> <br> Then I thought of acid as a monster that looked kind of like that lizard thing from Monsters Inc. I didn’t see/imagine it’s face, but I did see/imagine it’s arms. They were striped. Half of the stripes were dark purple, and every other stripe was a lighter purple in color. I started getting extremely hot, and sweated profusely. So I went into the hallway and tried to turn down the thermostat. I held down the blue button, but couldn’t tell if the temperature’s ‘degrees number’ was going down. Somehow I remembered that some of the time, I had to do something else before I could turn down the heat, however I wasn’t sure if this thought was true or just a delusion. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, I would normally have had to switch a button to cool, if it wasn’t already on cool. There were constantly changing, unidentifiable, alien-like numbers all over the screen. In real life, there are two numbers and a few letters on the screen at one time, one of which changes back and forth from temperature to a clock. <br> <br> I went back into my room, lied down on the bed, and then pulled off my clothes. I felt wet, kind of like an amphibian. This was probably due to the fact that I was sweating. I felt as if I were trapped inside a sauna. I also felt incredibly fragile, like my skin could easily be punctured. I lied there for a minute or two, thinking about all types of fucked up shit. Then I thought, “It’s probably not a good idea to be naked right now. If I do end up losing all control and walking down the street, I should at least be dressed. Thoughts of me walking around naked filled my mind. Then a thought/picture went threw my mind. The view I imagined it in was as if from a camera that was behind my ankle. I could only see my feet, ankles, and a little bit of my legs, or it may only have been one ankle, one leg, and a foot. I was walking naked in front of my across-the-street-neighbor’s house. I thought of/saw myself take one last step before standing still. <br> <br> A noise in my head went along with the thought. I don’t think that I actually heard it, but I did imagine it. The noise seemed to say, “This is serious. He’s dangerously fucked up. He’s a threat to himself and everyone around him. He’s almost like a dangerous animal running loose in society. Look what it’s come to, John.” I thought of the police. They didn’t seem real. They seemed like they didn’t even exist, and even if they did, they were no threat to me. I had bigger problems at hand. It wouldn’t have embarrassed me to walk out of the house naked, but I put my clothes back on, which was a wise decision. I lied there for awhile. <br> <br> Then I realized that I had to flush my system out. I had taken the acid on an empty stomach, like always. I felt that I should drink a lot of water and eat anything, even bread. As I was walking out my bedroom door to go to the sink, I thought, “I’m going to be like this forever.” I went to the sink and drank as much as I could, which wasn’t a lot. There was something horrible about drinking. I think that drinking might have reminded me of drowning. I looked in the mirror. My face was a little bluish in color. It felt weird to look at myself. I thought, “That’s me. That’s who I’ve been my whole life.” I’d had this thought the first time I looked in the mirror, since getting back inside, however, it was more intense this time. I was almost like a cartoon character or something. It seemed strange that I was a real person. <br> <br> I didn’t want to go downstairs to eat, so I went back into my room and lied down on my bed. The horrible thought that this was only the beginning, played through my mind over and over again. I thought, “I have to go to sleep, but will I even be able to sleep on acid?” Something told me that I normally knew that acid was one of those drugs that you couldn’t sleep on, which I did in fact know. I just wasn’t sure at the time. Then I thought, “Is sleep even real?” I’m pretty sure that upon thinking this, I saw the sentence “Is sleep even real”, written across my field of vision, the letters possibly made from objects in the room that became highlighted at my thought. I couldn’t recall having ever slept before. I thought that it might be real, but I wasn’t quite sure. I thought that the concept of sleep might be some sort of delusion. I didn’t even know if ‘sleep’, was a real word. It seemed as if this state of unconsciousness that you indulged in for a few hours, which left you refreshed and sober upon awaking, was pretty far fetched, but possibly real. I thought that I’d try it. I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep. <br> <br> I had very intense closed eye visuals. I think that most of them were visuals of both my face and my mom’s, floating around with strange backgrounds, however I’m not sure. The one I do remember for sure is my arms and legs separating from my body and floating around my head in a world of nothing but orange or red space. This hellish background was infinite. I remembered the friend I was supposed to see that day, the one whom I had called first. Remembering myself talking to him was like looking back a lifetime. He was just a character in my life. I knew nothing about him. He was part of the past now. I’d never see him again. The sense of detachment from the life I’d once known was unbelievably intense. The thought that my mom was going to die became overwhelming. I thought of her and I might’ve thought of how much she loved me. Eventually I started to wonder, “Is my mom even real or is she just a delusion?” I think that the sentence, ‘Is mom even real’, might’ve spelled itself out in my visual imagination. I’m mot sure, though. It might have just done that for sleep. The thought of a mom seemed so fake. What was this so called ‘mom’, of mine? I started to think about the word ‘mom’. Then I realized that even the word seemed unreal. ‘Mom’ was no longer what I thought of when I normally thought of mom. It wasn’t a name (even though it isn’t technically a name). It was a title. It wasn’t my mom. It was the mom. <br> <br> Everything started losing it’s familiarity and becoming titles, or concepts, if you will. I opened my eyes, and lied there for awhile. The feeling of detachment had considerably increased. I realized that I probably wasn’t going to be getting any sleep, even if there was such a thing. So even though I knew that I probably couldn’t, I decided that I was going to try and turn this thing around. <br> <br> So I went into my bathroom to get my boom box. I remembered that I had listened to it in the shower that morning. I went in there and couldn’t find it. I went back into my room and looked around for it. It wasn’t in there, so I went back into the bathroom and found it. It was on the shelf. It was shape shifting in my hand as I brought it back into my room. I plugged it in, which wasn’t difficult but seemed to take a lot of effort. Then I grabbed my stack of CDs. I’m not sure if I had grabbed them while in the bathroom, or if I’d picked them up off of my table. I wanted to find my burned CD that had Dramamine by Modest Mouse on it. I looked through a few CDs to find it, but I just couldn’t stand there and look through them all. I just couldn’t bear to. At the time I figured it was a good thing since I really should have been trying to sleep. <br> <br> I lied down for a while. I felt as if I was deep in a trance and that sleep was near. However, the thought that I was going to sleep, and the thought that I had to go to sleep, snapped me out of the trance every time. I don’t remember myself having ever quit my attempt towards sleep, so I probably just forgot about it. I was laying there with my eyes open, thinking about my mom, thinking about how I might jump out the window. I was thinking about that and a lot of other crazy shit when I realized that I was still in my bedroom. I had completely forgotten where I was. The room was still there, but the feeling of detachment had grown so extreme that I had forgotten where I was. It seemed like a long time since I had been there in my room. It felt like the background around me was unreal, kind of like a painting (or blanket as I thought at the time) over the blackness that truly existed. I started thinking, “What’s going to happen when my mom gets home? What if I end up killing her, not even knowing what I’m doing?” <br> <br> As I thought this, I called her on my cell phone. I didn’t even know that I had called her, or even that I had my cell phone in my hand, until I heard her say, “Hello.” It felt so unreal hearing her voice and talking to her. I wanted to hang up, but realized that this could be my last time talking to her. I thought that if I were mean and hung up, something really bad might happen to me, kind of like a karma effect. I said, “Mom.” “Yeah?” “I’m sorry!” “What are you talking about?” “Nothing...I’m sorry!” “What the fuck! Don’t fuck with me, John! What did you get into?” <br> <br> I don’t remember the rest of the conversation, but I think she asked me where I was or if I was at the house, or something like that. It felt like talking to someone I hadn’t seen or heard from in a long time. It felt like she was someone that’d played an important and long-lasting role in my life, but was no longer a part of it. My mom told me that when she got to the house and came into my room, I was lying down on the bed flicking a lighter in front of my face screaming, “This is reality”, over and over. I can vaguely remember flicking the lighter in front of my face. I was doing it absentmindedly. I remember when I first noticed my mom. She was in my doorway. She asked me if I wanted her to get someone there that could help me. I screamed, “Yes”, not even realizing what I was saying or what it meant. I wasn’t even surprised to notice her, even though I hadn’t realized when she’d arrived. I know that I hadn’t realized when she’d arrived because she was talking as if we were in the middle of a conversation. <br> <br> I remember hearing her talking on the phone and saying, “Hey, now I’m not sure what you would in this situation.” Then, I snapped out of my trance for a second and realized what was going on, so I jumped up, ran towards her, and screamed, “No!” She said, “John, it’s O.K.” That was the second from last visual memory for hours. The last was a simple picture in my head of a cop opening my dresser drawer. I remembered this weeks later. It’s a good thing that I put the acid in my coat pocket. I got other visual memories back, as the months went by. I have auditory memories of people talking. According to my mom, I was telling the paramedics and cops that I loved them over and over. Apparently I also told them, “Don’t do drugs. Don’t do them”, and they said, “Don’t worry, John. We won’t.” I don’t remember telling the cops or paramedics that I loved them, but I doubt that I was really sincere. I do love my mom, but when I was telling her that I loved her, I was saying it out of fear and out of the thought that she could bring me out of what I didn’t even know was a trip. As crazy as it may sound, the events above, up until the part with the lighter, were probably only a description of the first thirty to forty minutes or so after ingestion. <br> <br> Maybe died every time, or may have only died at the end. <br> <br> (upside down triangle) <br> <br> THE TRIP <br> <br> Apparently the paramedics took me to the hospital in an ambulance, although I don’t remember it. At some point, what must have been some nurses or paramedics, came and started doing something to me. I remember all those gloved hands reaching down and grabbing me. I can remember them grabbing my arms. They didn’t seem human. I remember my mom standing in the background staring at me. There was the sound of voices. I don’t even know if I knew that they were voices at the time. I couldn’t and didn’t even try to understand them. They were all mingled together and didn’t sound like noises people would make. It sounded distant, like the last words in a dream when the person on TV wakes up. It sounded like alien cafeteria chatter. <br> <br> I remember seeing my face many times throughout the trip. People, including me would be very discombobulated, usually with very big heads on small, often deformed bodies. I would often observe myself from a third person point of view. These hallucinatory scenarios would take me extremely far from reality. I had lost all memory of my previous life, along with all memories of my friends and family. I might remember seeing words written on my visuals. I might remember being in, and/or seeing people in some future school where the students wear all white and stand out on multileveled platforms (possibly with the platforms getting shorter and shorter on the way down). <br> <br> There were many things in my trip that had this shape. By this shape, I mean sets of rectangular shapes that go from top to bottom, starting off big and getting smaller, eventually ending in one tiny rectangle. I think that this is a metaphor for life beginning, passing by, and eventually fading away. I would go out to smoke weed all the time. My mom would ask me where I was going. I would reply the way I usually do in real life. “Nowhere.” She would say, “O.K.” She would give me a sad look. I knew that she knew what I was going out to do. I remember saying, “Fuck you” to her once for a reason I can’t remember. I remember seeing a look of hurt in her eyes. I never actually remember smoking weed or being high, but I knew that that was what I was going out to do. <br> <br> I remember my mom saying something along the lines of, “John, just relax. It’ll all be over soon.” Of course, I thought that it was my life that was going to be over. I wondered what was after life. I thought it a terrifying thought to just give in to death. I fought it by doing all I could, jerking my body from left to right, up and down, and all around with an energy brought on by fear, desperation, and the delusional knowledge that I would definitely die if I lay back and let the force take me away. I knew that I would probably die any second either way. <br> <br> Eventually I finally let go of life. I don’t exactly know what would happen next. I get a picture of my mom’s hand in mine. It changes with the stages of the trip in my mind. Her hand would drastically change in mine and I would get some strange and surreal, yet sad and final-feeling emotions I don’t think I’ve ever felt before. She kept on telling me that it was O.K. and to just relax or something. I interpreted this as possibly helpful advice not to struggle anymore because it was inevitable. I eventually quit struggling. I either let go or experienced the last sights and feelings of worldly customs and experiences. Those things were all in the past now. Hard times would come for me and my mom. I could feel my mother’s death approaching. It was definitely a much realer aspect in this life than in my real-life life, although I knew nothing of my real-life life. I was worried about it. <br> <br> I remember my life going through incredible changes throughout the whole trip. There were so many stages where pretty much everything changed over and over. My senses of touch (which was mostly comprised of out-of-body sensations), sight, and hearing were all out of whack and getting more and more distorted as time went by. Me, my mother, and my life all went through incredible changes where my perceptions, mind states, personalities, realities, emotions, my feelings towards everything changed drastically. My mom’s role in my life constantly changed. Crazy shit happened all the time. <br> <br> I’m not sure about this part, but I might have seen something that represented death in the shapes of humans. I think I might have noticed how people get skinnier at the legs, eventually disappearing into the floor. This was a metaphor for death. Death felt especially real. It was absolutely horrible. These scenarios would torture my mind in many different ways. I would have different lives and I would die over and over. I think I had nine hundred and something lives at one point I checked. I think I probably started with nine hundred and ninety nine or a thousands lives. I remember them as little green circles, possibly spheres. I think they may have been in a basket or on platforms designed like a shelf with no walls and multiple platforms, lying in rows. I think I might have been welcomed by my mom into either each life, or some of them, possibly with other people. It was common knowledge that everyone had all those lives. I knew I would live thousands and thousands of years. <br> <br> I don’t remember the thought of specific increments of time, but it would have been many years. However, I knew that death was eventually going to catch up with me. I remember asking my mom if I was going to die someday. She told me that I was going to and she might have said not to worry about it. I get a picture of a shelf-like structure without boundaries, with weird looking humanoid beings (possibly my mom) in rows on each platform. I get the impression that each level represents a kind of chapter in the trip. I also remember seeing two weird, dark humanoid beings with deformed heads sitting on a couch. I don’t remember knowing I was tripping, but I can vaguely remember thinking about hallucinations and wondering if I could make myself hallucinate, if I was hallucinating, or if I was tripping hard enough to hallucinate. It was one of or some of those possibilities. <br> <br> There were times when I was just watching myself from a third person point of view, unaware that the person I was seeing was me. At those times, I had no identity. I neither questioned, nor knew what I was. I was just watching some person do things. There was this shape that pretty much summed up everything that was. I don’t remember what parts in the trip I saw it, or what caused me to see it. It could have been between lives, or maybe it wasn’t. However, I do remember it as being after death, therefore I think it was between lives. This shape was the shape of reality. Reality did have a shape. This shape was almost 4 dimensional. It was the shape of the cycle of life and death. Reality would literally unfold right before my eyes. A series of pictures and concepts would roll by. I would view reality from several different perspectives, one after the other. These perspectives and pictures would roll out to make one big picture. I would see my life, beginning to end, as a picture that would roll out into existence. This shape made of pictures would pretty much sum up my life. The final picture I would see was something that looked a little like a fat tongue with hairs spaced out on its surface, that would roll out and flop down onto nothingness. This final picture represented either death or the end of the cycle that explained what reality is. I think that it also may have represented the sense of taste, one of the five doors to perception. I think that all five senses may have been covered in this shape. I’m not sure, though. This truly was the shape of reality. <br> <br> I would then see that the state of being that I had known my whole life was the definition of reality. Reality was in me. I would realize that this was what I was to perceive for all of eternity. This was the new state of being. This was what was left after death. It was simply the state of pointless existence in itself. It was the ability to perceive the repetitive unfolding of reality. All that I was left with was the ability to see this pathetic shape that summed up the nothingness I’d made of my life, in one big picture. I perceived this shape with a number of my senses, which fused together into one. As reality unfolded, my inner dialogue would talk to me. It would say things like, “This is what reality is. Reality is what reality is.” It would repeat these sentences over and over again. So this was the big shebang. This was the answer. Reality is what reality is. That was the secret behind reality. It was as if I was mankind itself, everybody that existed, all at once, yet still only me. I was absolutely EVERYTHING. I saw the difference between something being in existence and absolutely nothing existing at all. I was just the eyes to reality, not a person at all. When the reality picture came up, it was the absolute conclusion to everything. It was everything. It was the big mystery behind existence answered. It was like the cover to the book of my life. <br> <br> I think I remember my mom being part of a similar picture/cover at a different time in the trip. She was the main character in my life and was on the cover. When I saw reality itself, my consciousness was bent into a state of perception that is indescribable. This seemed to be the climax of it all, but there was no real beginning or end. It was just the constant repetition of the beginning and the end. This was all there was. There should have been something better than this. A similar phenomenon that occurred is me having a vision of a tree. This tree symbolized reality. There were no leaves on it. It was alive, but dormant. It probably represented the nothingness I’d made of my life. As I saw this tree, I began to see how acid was everything. Everything fell into the category of acid one way or another. Thinking back on it, I think that the reason for this thought is that acid takes control of your brain. Therefore, it takes control of everything you’ve ever thought of and everything you’ve ever experienced. Therefore, it is everything for however long you trip. <br> <br> I think I might have even seen the word ‘everything’ or ‘reality’ spelled out under the tree. I remember that many of my visions were of weird things and/or beings on those shelf-like structures or in rows. The trip had different chapters in a way. I might remember my vision bouncing forward, pulled by some force. Some scenarios wouldn’t start that bad, but would surprise me with something horrible. I might possibly remember aging and maybe getting old in the trip. Lots of things would repeat themselves over and over again, driving me insane. There was a craziness about it that I can’t explain. <br> <br> I wish I could help people understand this without experiencing it, but there’s no way you possibly could without going through it yourself. So much happened that I will never remember. Many of my memories of that night felt distant, but I would have these flashes of weird emotions that I experienced on the trip. These memories were the big concepts that I had forgotten. I could feel things missing where things were missing from my memory. I would occasionally be able to pull those memories up for a split second, but they would be gone before I could start to analyze them. Through months of obsessively thinking about those things, I was able to piece together what I have here. <br> <br> INSANITY <br> <br> Now I don’t remember ever first learning of the thing called insanity, but such a thing did exist. Now insanity wasn’t what typically comes to people’s minds when they think of the word. It was something of unknown origins. It was kind of like the boogey man. It was something that would come and get you. I’m not sure if you had to be bad for it to get you, but I think you might have had to been. Now I wasn’t sure what it was. I didn’t know if it was a person, a place, a creature, a spirit, or merely just a state existence, however it was probably real and it was very mysterious. No one knew what it was because when it got you, you couldn’t come back to tell the story. Once it got you, it had you for good. You were finished. All that I knew about it was that it was by the far the worst thing that could happen to you. It was any man’s worst nightmare times a thousand. Early on in my life, I was pretty sure that it was real and I didn’t want it to get me. As life continued and I got older, my belief in this so called ‘insanity’ grew less and less. Eventually I completely disregarded it as a children’s story and pretty much forgot about it altogether. <br> <br> Throughout my lives, I was faced with a lot of decisions to make. I would usually make the bad ones. I would do whichever one was the most pleasurable for me to do. I remember my relationship with my mom begin to change as my lives went by. She was happier with me and would talk to me more in the earlier lives. She seemed more bent on helping me than the other kids. The beginning lives had a sense of childhood to them. As my lives grew fewer and fewer, I aged in a way. Life seemed to drag out and get slower as the later lives came. It was the same pointless shit everyday. All of the fun and adventures were over. Eventually I got myself in a stump in my life. I had nothing to do and had done nothing with myself. My mom seemed to lose hope with me. She seemed emotionally faded. She always looked solemn. She seemed tired of me not caring and seemed to push me away. She wasn’t angry, though. She seemed to be like, ‘Do whatever you want. You will anyways.’ The memories of my life were dark, both visually and emotionally. I don’t think I remember going to bed, but I remember waking up in my bed plenty of times. I thought, ‘How many times have I woken up in this bed?’ <br> <br> Life was boring, dark, worrying, and pointless. I never made anything out of myself. Throughout the later lives, I constantly worried about my mom’s death. I worried about her getting old and dying. I kept thinking that it might happen soon. I even remember her aging. I have a visual memory of seeing her on the stairs with gray hair. I remember this whole memory as happening at the end, but it may have been in the beginning. I could have seen my mom on the bottom of the stairs when the police and paramedics were there. My mom told me that I asked her if she was really sick and was going to die. I don’t remember asking her this, but it probably happened around this time. <br> <br> Every now and then my mom would casually ask me, “Do you believe in God?” Now I didn’t fully believe in Him, but I knew that life was too complex to be a simple coincidence. I didn’t believe in him 100%, but I did think that He might have been real. However, I didn’t want to follow His ways. I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I also didn’t want to admit that I believed in Him because I was embarrassed of it. I had this tough guy persona I had to keep. Admitting that I kind of believed in Him would be a sign of weakness. I would say, “No.” I less believed than I believed. One time, my mom said, “So”, or, “So John, do you believe in God?” “No.” “Why not?” “Because he’s not real.” Every time I said, “No”, it would result in the same thing. However I wouldn’t make the connection. <br> <br> I think that there would be a short delay some of the time, and some of the time there would be no delay before the insanity came. Right before the insanity came, my life would turn into a spiral of pictures with a gray, cloudy background. This spiral would coil up into itself. When the spiral appeared, the pictures it was comprised of would start flashing by really fast and curl around like a snake, forming a smaller spiral with the same gray background as soon as it hit the last picture, which was in the middle. I think that the pictures might have represented the beginning of my life through either the present, or through my death. <br> <br> I don’t know whether or not my appearance aged in the pictures. It would spin, twisting around and unearthing new pictures. As I said earlier, when the last and center picture in the spiral was highlighted, a new and smaller spiral would be formed from where the last one left off. After several spirals went by, each one smaller than the one before it, the last and smallest spiral would roll out into one long picture that read from left to right. There was a feeling of incompleteness when this happened. My life was incomplete. <br> <br> Then my mom would look at me with a solemn expression on her face. It was as if she’d foreseen this. Then her head would start rolling around on her shoulders. When I think back on it, I think I remember her floating around the hospital room (which I didn’t realize was a hospital room at the time) with her head rolling around. Her head rolling was accompanied by an incredibly disturbing noise. I’m pretty sure that she had a very discombobulated body. I remember her with a small body, long orangutan arms, big hands, and a huge boggle head. I think that the gray, spirally background was present when this happened. I’m not sure if my memory is a hundred percent correct on that part, though. <br> <br> In my insanity, I was filled with despair and hopelessness. I’ve concluded that this emotion was another mix of very intense negative emotions. It was another emotion that I’d never felt before. I would realize that I’d been taken by the insanity. This was the dreaded insanity that I had quit believing in so long ago. I hadn’t even thought about it in a long time. I would start screaming and begging my mom to rescue me from this nightmare. I would scream, “I love you, mom!” I would scream for her to help over and over. Eventually it would stop. I’m pretty sure I woke up in bed to find out that it was a dream every time, excluding the last episode. I’m not sure of this, but I think I woke up in bed to find out that it was a dream. <br> <br> The episodes of insanity wouldn’t feel real when I came back to reality, or what I thought was reality. I pretty much forgot about them and moved on. These episodes would repeat themselves every so often. They would gradually start to occur more and more often as time went by. Eventually these episodes of insanity started occurring within a very close time interval of each other. There would be a matter of seconds between them. The pictures of my life were always the same. This was insanity. Insanity was seeing and feeling my existence collapse into itself. It was experiencing a deathlike phenomenon over and over again. It was repetition. All my lives were the same from beginning to end. I did the same things and got the same ending. <br> <br> Looking back at it, I realize that it was true insanity that I experienced in my bad trip. The textbook definition of insanity is repeating the same actions over and over again, expecting different results. That is exactly what I was doing. I always thought that the insanity was over and wasn’t real when it “stopped” for a little while. Then I forgot all about it and went on doing bad things and leading a life full of wrong doing and misdeeds. I continued to think that the episodes of insanity were just nightmares every single time they happened. Even when these episodes went from happening once in a blue moon, to once every few seconds (which took quite a while), I continued to disregard them as just bad dreams. The same sequence of pictures repeated themselves over and over again, getting a little bit shorter each time. Every time I would reach the end of a life, I got a sense of there being two different endings. One ending was a good one and the other was a bad ending. Now obviously I wanted to achieve the good ending, but I never got it. I would get right to the end, expecting to get the good ending every time, however I would get the bad one instead. I got the insanity instead of the happiness. Then I would have to relive my life. I would get right to the end just to see the good ending slip away from me. It was absolute insanity. I kept on repeating the exact same actions over and over again, expecting different results. <br> <br> My life was pretty much a fairy tale. It was actually a series of illustrations that read from left to right. These pictures were on rows. There were rows stacked on top of each other, like lines on notebook paper. This “book” was my perception. My personal identity was very different than it is in reality. I was looking at myself from a cross between a second person and third person’s point of view. I was still me, however I viewed myself through what would seem to be a different person’s point of view. <br> <br> Throughout my lives, I would feel a form of consciousness watching me. However, I didn’t think of it as a form of consciousness. I didn’t even notice it. Looking back, I can see that this form of consciousness was all powerful. It loved me and wanted to help me. Like I said, I didn’t notice it as a real being, but I remember it being more and more obvious that it was there towards the end of my lives. No matter how obvious it was that this being was real, I simply wouldn’t see it. I just ignored the obvious and continued on with “life”. The picture I painted was the same every time. I did the exact same things in every life. All of my lives were copies of each other, the length being the only variable. <br> <br> Now as I said, I would try and enjoy each life to the fullest, even though I didn’t enjoy them at all. I would just do whatever I wanted. However, towards the end of each life, I could almost feel the insanity coming. Even while I attempted to enjoy the earthly pleasures of reality, in the end, the insanity would start to show it’s signs of coming. Even so, I wouldn’t catch on to it and I never believed in it until it was too late. It was kind of like the song Karma Police by Radiohead. It’s like the very end of the song where it sounds like angels are singing. However, even as they’re singing, the sound of cold, hard reality sinks in and eventually takes over, wiping out all that is good. <br> <br> In one episode of insanity, my mom’s head rolling eventually stopped and she asked me, “What did you do?” I’d start begging or say that I didn’t know. The it would all start over again. She’d keep asking me what I did. Eventually I answered, “Acid.” She said, “Mm, that’s a bad one. How much did you take?” “Five.” “You took five?” “Yeah.” “Why would you take five?” We talked a little and then she said, “Where did you get it?” “SK.” “Where did you take it at?” “The Kroger parking lot.” That’s where I bought it, but it’s not where I took it. “How many did SK take?” “Four.” He really didn’t take any, but somehow I thought that he had. Then she might have asked me where he was and told me that I should tell her where he was to help him. “Don’t you want to help SK?” “Yeah, help SK”, I said in a trance like voice, although I didn’t think he was in danger and wouldn’t have cared if he was. SK was the least of my concerns now. <br> <br> My mom told me that I probably totally messed up my brain and that I was probably going to get like this again easily. I said, “Oh no”, in a distressed voice, but really couldn’t have cared less. I remember feeling the sticky stuff from the pads on wires, which were attached to my chest. I think I might have ripped some, or possibly all of them off. I thought it was blood and that I might’ve jumped out my window. I thought I might be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, a consequence for not listening to warnings about drugs. At least I was alive, though. She told me that I hadn’t and that I’d just had a really bad trip. I was shocked. I asked her, “So this was all a trip?” She told me that it was. I was shocked and almost disbelieving. I couldn’t believe that a simple drug had been the culprit of this madness. There was no fucking way. Something had happened. That something defied reality. The only problem was that I didn’t remember a damn thing that had happened to me. <br> <br> HELL <br> <br> I don’t remember exactly when, but the episodes of insanity might have eventually started up again, probably because I was still being bad. Either that, or some of what I wrote above might have happened at a different point in the trip, rather than before the Hell part. At some point, a special episode of insanity came. What was so special about this episode is that it was the last. I begged my mom to help me out of my mess, just as I had done every time before. She stared long and hard at me. Then she made her decision. She didn’t want to, but she turned away and gave me the cold shoulder. <br> <br> I never thought she would do it, but finally she refused to bail me out. I had used up all my second chances. I’d had so many chances. Towards the end, I’d had to beg more and more for them, but my mom had always come through. She was done now. She finally just turned her back on me for good. Everything went dark. It was like someone was closing the curtains to my life, blocking out all the light and everything else that was good. The coffin was closed. She had the power to leave me. She’d had the power to do it the whole time. She hadn’t done it, though. She hadn’t done it because she loved me. I’d used that love she had for me to my own advantage. Now she was finally GONE!!! Now it was all over. She’d done all she could and she had failed. No, I had failed. Why would she bail me out? Why should she? I wouldn’t have ever changed. I was doomed. The door was closed. All the light was gone. I was in the dark. I was all alone. I was away from love. I was away from the light. This truly was death. <br> <br> I finally had the revelation. Insanity was hell! I’d been too blind to see it until now. There was a ‘game over’ feeling. I’d lost the game of life. It was a feeling that was all too familiar. It was the feeling of dying in a video game. It was the feeling of seeing someone else being dealt an unhappy ending on a movie or TV show. But something was different about this. This was happening to me, and worst of all, it was real! This was impossible! This was the end of my life! And it was a horrible ending! Never in a million years had I dreamt this possible. Something wasn’t right about this. It was like a fairy tale with a bad ending. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was dead! <br> <br> As the insanity took me over, I felt my existence end in a number of different ways and dimensions, all at once. I felt my life as an ongoing series of pictures, placed so close together that they ran in one smooth, cylinder that ran on continually until it stopped abruptly in my death. I would see the same sequence of pictures over and over again. These were the pictures that summed up my reality. I found myself in many different crazy places, my body transforming into horrifying, crazy, random things. I think I might get some memories of a few of the crazy things I morphed into, but I might just be fooling myself. <br> <br> I think I might remember my arms becoming tiny little things that lost all use, their only use being to be waddled around like flippers. I am pretty sure that I remember shrinking into nothing. The physical sensations felt unbelievably real. I actually felt the feeling of my body morphing. These experiences were horrifying and extremely out of body. I remember seeing and/or being a shape that I can only describe as a “some-number-agon”. I would roll forward, eventually unwrapping myself into a flat picture that I don’t remember seeing. I also get a memory of feeling an abrupt, invisible force piercing through my body (it wasn’t painful, but it was terrifying), changing the picture in front of me with each stab. This could have been a branch off of the thought I had in the beginning of my trip, the thought of having soft, easily penetrable skin. I’m referring to when I was laying on my bed and my skin felt wet, fragile, and amphibian-like. <br> <br> I can just barely remember a whole shocking array of crazy scenarios and hallucinations. I’m not sure of when in the trip this occurred, but picture after picture of me having sex with different girls flashed before me. I observed these scenes as pictures. They were still frames and the scenes changed in a flipbook-like fashion. However, it was different than a flipbook in that the new pictures that replaced the old ones seemed to come from the corner of my vision, flying in to fill their place in the center of my field of vision. The pictures also appeared to me much, much slower than they would with a flip book. <br> <br> My mom was seeing all of the sexual things I had done in my life. She was absolutely disgusted and was saying things like, “Oh my God! Is that you?” She called me names and was disgusted by the things I had done. <br> <br> I thought of a certain someone I had been incredibly mean to in the past. I thought that this person was going to come and tear me apart over and over again for all eternity. I think that I imagined a hellish picture of this person’s face. This picture may have had a background that looked fiery, but lacked flames. At some point, my mom’s face changed and I think her nose curved upwards, creating a face of pure evil. In this memory, I could feel a sense of happiness come from this creature. Looking back, it kind of reminds me of Loki, the Greek god of mischief, although I have absolutely no idea what Loki was supposed to look like. <br> <br> Then my mom’s eyes would penetrate my mind and I think her mouth might’ve curled up into an evil smile. I’m not 100% on that part, though. Her head would start rolling around on her shoulders. Her head rolling was accompanied by that bone chilling noise. I felt an ‘I got you’ type of feeling coming from this creature. I didn’t notice it at the time, but it was as if someone else was staring at me through her eyes. It was as if that someone was finally coming out of the shadows and revealing itself to me, although I didn’t realize it at the time. It was the face of true evil. Even though I didn’t notice this person at the time, the revelation of the existence of this other person that was staring through my mother’s eyes reminds me of the ending of the movie, “Saw”, when the “dead” guy on the bathroom floor turns out to be the guy who set the whole thing up. This entity was torturing me. It tortured me with the energy and savagery of a dog with a kitten in it’s mouth, chomping down and shaking it like a rag doll. However, it took no energy for this being to do this. It was standing there, savoring every last moment of this. I thought it was my mom, though. <br> <br> My mom didn’t seem to be enjoying it. She didn’t want this to happen, but she’d seen it coming for a long time. She couldn’t help me if she wanted to. At some point, there was something that kind of looked like the board from a board game in my field of vision. I don’t remember much about the bottom of it, but the top was a big oval on it’s side. This oval had a smaller sideways oval inside of it. There was a pink, slimy, and scaleless, snake-like creature that was wrapped around the smaller oval, yet contained by the bigger oval. This creature took up all of the space in the big oval. This creature had no head, but actually crawled back into itself. It had neither a beginning, nor an end. It was constantly squirming around in it’s guided path. As it was squirming around, it either felt like it was squirming around in my head, or possibly it may have felt like my head was the worm thing. First it started off as a game that my mom and I were playing. She controlled the creature. She would make the creature squeeze my brain. I might’ve laughed when it squeezed, but I’m not sure. It wasn’t a steadily tightening squeeze. It would squeeze in increments, one little bit at a time, it’s grip on my brain growing tighter and tighter with each squeeze. After a short period of time, it was squeezing too tight. It wasn’t a game anymore. It was torture! <br> <br> I would scream things to my mom. I’d yell things like, “No, mom! No, please! No, stop! No! Help!”, my voice getting louder and louder with each sentence. I might not have been saying, “No” for all of my first words, or for any of them for that matter, but I think I was. The second words in the incomplete two word sentences would be louder than the “No’s” or whatever the first words were, but both the first and second words got louder as the two word sequences progressed. I would jerk my body to the left or right as I said each word. Here’s an example. “No.” I jerk my body to the left. “Please.” I jerk my body to the right. With each word, I’d jerk my body to the left or right, depending on which direction’s turn it was. The first words in the two word sequences were always a bit quieter than the first, however, the tighter the worm squeezed, the louder the words got. The first and second words rose in volume at a proportionate rate. After these sequences of screaming and jerking, I would scream that what I was experiencing was too crazy or intense. <br> <br> After awhile my mom’s head rolling would stop and Hell would be paused. My mom would ask me a riddle. Somehow I knew that if I got it right, I would get out of Hell. My memory is of her asking me a different riddle every time, but it could’ve been the same one being asked over and over. I never knew the answer, so I would start screaming and begging. I remember miserably yelling out, “I don’t know” at one point. Every time I failed to answer a riddle, my mom’s head would start rolling and the insanity would start back up all over again. My mom told me that I was repeating myself in a sort of echo fashion. “I’m dead. I’m dead. I’m dead. I’m dead. I’m in hell. I’m in hell. I’m in hell. I’m in hell. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.” <br> <br> She also told me that I was rhyming, using nonsensical words. I don’t remember the exact words I said, but an example would be, “Help. Felp. Relp. Shmelp.” I remembered these episodes of babbling after she told me. She would look into my eyes and her gaze would pierce right into my soul. This stare would pretty much say, “You’ve been a bad, bad boy”, in the same way a mother would say it to her child when she caught him or her with their hand in the cookie jar. This might have occurred in Hell or it could have occurred in a previous episode of insanity. <br> <br> I’m not sure, but I think that some of the riddles, or at least one of them, maybe the last one would be, “Who loves you?” Eventually after what seemed an eternity, I said, “God.” I remember saying it absentmindedly. I don’t even think that I knew what I was saying. I’m pretty sure that I said, “Oh my God”, or something like that. After saying this, my mom’s head rolling and the horrible visions abruptly stopped. There was a pause. Then she said, “What about God?” I said, “He’s real”, as a statement and question at the same time. I’m not sure if it was my mom or a male nurse that said, “He is real.” I think my mom said, “And he loves you.” Then the darkness that seemed to consume the hospital room was replaced by a golden light. There was a spiritual light too. The spirit of God seemed to enter the room. I felt a feeling of overwhelming love come from this spirit. This feeling was the polar opposite of the feeling that the creature in my mom’s eyes had given me. Everyone seemed to be happy after that. <br> <br> I think that I might have had the hallucination that everyone was clapping, but I’m not sure. Everyone had been in on it. Everyone had known. My mom was either a servant of, or a part of God. That’s why she’d encouraged me to do right my whole life. She’d been trying to save me from Hell. It felt like the ultimate reality TV show, a show that everyone had been on, except for me. God had been behind the scenes, directing everything as it happened. It felt like the end of Titanic when Rose was back in the ship with the rest of the crew. I couldn’t believe what was happening. It was so surreal. In all of my lives, my mom had been trying to teach me lessons on goodness. I had failed over and over, but I had finally realized the truth. All of my lives had come together as one. <br> <br> This strange and unexplained mystery that had been my reality, had finally been unraveled. I get a possible memory of seeing my life as the screens on TV screen-looking cubes, with a scene from one of my previous lives on each one. They were in tall stacks and long rows. I’m not sure if that part really happened, though. It all made sense now. There was a right and a wrong, a good and an evil, and a Heaven and a Hell. Being good didn’t have to be so bad. I said in shock, “So this is what this whole thing has been about?” “Yes”, she said. I remember saying, “I don’t believe it”, probably over and over again. Then I said something along the lines of, “God is real”, or, “I can’t believe God is real”, as an expression of amazement, not a statement that I couldn’t believe in him. Then some guy (I think it was the male nurse I mentioned before) in the room said, “Say it again.” I said, “God is real!” Everyone seemed really happy. I think I said some things that I wanted to do. <br> <br> Then, for some reason I still don’t understand, I either said, “And we can kill people”, or (I think that this is what I said) “And we can have sex with women.” I quickly realized that I had said something bad, so I said, “No, not that”, or something like that. The guy said, “No”, in the same voice you’d use to tell a dog, “No.” My mom’s head rolling started up for just a split second, and then it faded away. It didn’t worry me, though. I knew it wouldn’t start up again. Everyone in the room seemed to be like, ‘Now he gets it.’ The guy asked me what I learned today. It might’ve been my mom, but I’m pretty sure the male nurse. I said either, “Don’t take acid”, or “Don’t take drugs.” He said, “That’s right. Don’t take them.” After awhile, my mom told me that I’d said some embarrassing things. <br> <br> This part seems to be right about at the part where my mom asked me all the questions about SK, although I don’t remember having had the revelations about God at the time. However, this must have been around that time. I’d probably forgotten about the revelation of God’s realness. Anyways, fast forward a bit and I was lying on the hospital bed (even though I don’t think I knew that it was a hospital bed), expecting to meet God any second. I really didn’t feel like paying attention, but I knew that I should. The moment of revelation was about to come. I was about to get all the answers to life. <br> <br> I was about to find out the purpose of my existence, the reason for reality, and what every life experience I’d ever gone through had meant. Then I thought, ‘What if I’m not ready to be judged? What if there’s something else that I have to realize before I go before God? What if I go before him and I haven’t realized whatever I might have to realize first and I’m sent to Hell?’ I just felt like lying back and relaxing, but I thought that if I did that, I might end up regretting it for the rest of eternity. The thought of going to Hell wasn’t scary at the time, but I knew that I’d better care now than rather than suffer later. So I started screaming and jerking my arms and legs back and forth, rattling the bed. I wasn’t scared, but I thought that this might just possibly delay me from meeting God for awhile while I tried to figure whatever it was that I needed to figure out, this being if there was even something to figure out. I remember some nurses around me. They were doing something. <br> <br> Then I said some embarrassing things at that point because I thought that I was about to leave Earth for good. I thought that it was my last second there and that I was about to go flying through a tunnel of light to meet God (which is actually like a dream that I’d had a long time ago, except there was no God). Then I realized that my last words were bad, so I said something along the lines of, “sorry” or “I shouldn’t have said that.” I know that my mom told me that I’d said some embarrassing things well after this part, which is contradictory to me having written that this part happened earlier in the ‘insanity’ section. I also don’t remember any scary parts after the revelation of God being real. <br> <br> Anyways, I don’t really know what happened first: the revelation that all I’d had to do was admit that I’d taken acid, or the revelation of God being real. I guess that it doesn’t really matter, though. Anyways, I don’t remember talking to my mom about this next part, but I think she might’ve said that I was going to make a choice. fShe might not have, though. Either way, the way that I perceived this conversation was that I was going to have to make a choice between two things when the time came. I thought that it was probably going to be a decision between me or her dying. At the time, I wasn’t even looking at her as my mom, so I don’t think I would’ve felt bad about sacrificing her life to save mine, but I thought I might regret whatever decision I made later. So I made a checkpoint in time that I could go back to if I wanted to change my decision when the time came. I don’t remember much for awhile after this. <br> <br> EXTRA <br> <br> Here is a jumbled up sequence of events that I am unable to place in any specific part of the trip. These could be parts of Hell, parts of insanity, or merely just other parts of the trip. At one point, I realized that all people ever did was talk. That was all there was to do. It was so boring and so pointless. People just talked their pointless, mortal lives away. This was a revelation. What was there to do? Holy shit! Just talk! That’s it! How could I have never realized this until now? This probably happened somewhere close to the beginning. <br> <br> I also get a memory of feeling an abrupt feeling of some invisible force piercing through my body (it wasn’t painful, but it was terrifying), changing the pictures in front of my eyes with each piercing. This could have been a branch off of the thought I had in the beginning of the trip, the thought of having soft, easily penetrable skin. I’m referring to when I was laying on my bed and my skin felt fragile, wet and amphibian-like. With the memories of the changing pictures I mentioned, I get a physical/visual memory of my life being a large cube that would move forward, stay still for a second, then move forward, right, or left, repeating this action with every pierce/stab. Every time it moved, it left a layer of itself behind. All of the layers would remain where they were shed, however they would still be attached to the cube. The cube would continue to move until it had shed all of it’s layers, leaving nothing but a flat sheet of paper-like material behind. There might have been a picture on this “paper”, but I’m not sure. Looking back on it, this cube was kind of similar to the giant cubes in the pyramid level on Mario 64. It didn’t look like them, but it moved like them. I feel like the cube I perceived was a metaphor for my life. I had blown all my opportunities in life and was now dead, or maybe life was time, and as it went by, my box got smaller and smaller until it was no more. Each time the picture would change and the cube would roll out, I would experience reality in a different point of view. It would start off with my whole life summed up in one picture. With each stab/picture change/unfolding of the square, I would see my pointless state of existence in another way. It would work it’s way down from terrible and pathetic to nothing more than the state of existence itself. I would become nothing more than the simple ability to perceive the concept of suffering. The concept of this cube may have come from the fact that I’d eaten sugar cubes. I was no longer human, but the most pathetic and useless form of post-life. I was better off dead. This whole process would happen in about a second or so. <br> <br> At certain points, I experienced complete and total nothingness. I was observing this nothingness from a point of view that couldn’t be understood by anyone who hadn’t experienced it themselves. I only had one sense, and that sense was perception. I was no longer human, nor did I even know what humanity was. This was simply the existence of nothing. This was absolutely nothing at all. It was the entire universe. It was everything that currently existed, everything that had ever existed, and everything that would ever exist. It was absolutely nothing, yet it was something. It was simply reality. After all, how could something exist? That wouldn’t make any sense, now would it? I as a person, had no existence, however, my state of consciousness, which I didn’t even realized existed, was proof that nothing existed. I saw many different degrees of nothingness, some more non-existential than others, but it was all nothing. This nothingness was represented by visuals of something that could only be described as antimatter. It was proof that nothing existed. These visuals would form “shapes”, if you will. I don’t remember what they all looked like, but I think that either all, or at least some of them, started off bigger and fatter, and got smaller and skinnier until they turned into nothing, like the tail of a lizard. These “shapes” would unravel and kind of fall apart into nothing. I think that they might have originated from the shape of reality I described earlier. I think that smaller pieces of the shape of reality might have broken off and spiraled off into these pieces of nothingness. I’m not sure on that part, but I think that that’s what happened. I think that these “shapes” would either have words written on them, or they would form words. I think I can remember seeing the words ‘something’, ‘nothing’, and ‘reality’ written on many of the visuals I saw in my trip. I might have been shown the difference between something and nothing. <br> <br> Now this following concept could have happened on another trip, but I’ll write it down anyways. I saw how short life was. Even though it seems long, it is short in comparison to eternity. Another reason that it seemed shorter is probably because I could see the whole thing at once. <br> <br> This next part is something I experienced on a salvia trip well over a year and a half later, but it reminded me of when I first experienced it on my bad trip. There was a “temple” of life. It was an amazing structure. I think it was shaped like a triangle. It was everything alive (human-wise at least). It was truly divine. It wasn’t made of wood or stone. I’m not sure, but I don’t think that it’s walls were visible. I think I just “felt” them with my mind and/or knew they were there. I might have seen them, though. This temple was home. It was reality, the place where people stood in life. This temple was the spiritual home to all human beings. The good people were at the top and the bad people were at the bottom. I think that I was somewhere close to the bottom. I might have started at the very bottom, although I remember “falling” to the bottom, probably over and over again. Everyone’s place in existence was visible. I’m not entirely sure about this part, but I think everyone’s lives were symbolized by two halves of triangles, which were right next to each other, almost touching. If the lives of the people weren’t symbolized by two half triangles, then it was something similar to that. I think that the lives of the people at the bottom were symbolized by cone-like shapes. That may have been the case, or maybe my life was either symbolized as a cone, or turned into one when I hit the bottom. At the bottom of the temple was suffering. <br> <br> This following part happened sometime after I learned that God was real. Sometime in my trip (probably in either Hell or maybe Insanity) I remember being buried in a sense. This is a hard concept to describe, but it was as if the layers of reality were burying me. It was kind of like being buried in the ground, except it was more like reality itself, rather than dirt, that was burying me. It was kind of like what happened to the dinosaurs. It was as if time was throwing layer after layer of dirt over me, which caused me to be further and further underground. However, instead of dirt, it was my own existence (an endless string of pictures from my life) that was burying me, and instead of ground, it was the existence of everything in general. This phenomenon occurred in super fast motion. The layers of time that buried me were almost like cards. What I mean by this is that it happened so fast that it was as if someone was shuffling a deck of cards, allowing the cards (or increments of time) to fall on me, burying me beneath them. I was gone. I was lost to time. I was completely forgotten. It was as if I had never even existed. I didn’t even know I’d ever existed. I didn’t have any sense of self at all. Ages passed by, but I remained the same throughout all eternity, a relic that was no more than an endless channel of information. <br> <br> At another point in the trip, I started relearning the most basic things about what was good and bad for me. This part that had to do with drugs could have happened at another part in the trip, but I think it happened right here in the ‘basic lesson learning’ part. Drugs were obviously bad. I kept finding the answer to my problem. The answer was, “And this is why...pause, YOU DON’T DO DRUGS!” The ‘this is why’ part was almost like a question. It was as if the voice (or my internal dialogue) that asked it was trying to help me figure out the point for myself, the point being, “DON’T DO DRUGS!” That was the answer to everything. That’s why everything was so fucked up. It made perfect sense. My mom might have been saying that to me, or it may have just been my internal dialog. I’m not sure. This whole concept could have also been a branch off of the male nurse asking me what I learned, which is not to take drugs. Anyways, somehow I got it in my head that I had taken a lot of drugs and was permanently messed up from them. For some reason, I would never admit to my parents that I did drugs. This is in real life. <br> <br> I remember admitting to my mom for the first time that I’d done acid. It was a huge event. The trip seemed to revolve around nothing before that. It seemed like that was all it was about. All I’d had to do from the git-go was admit that I’d taken acid. After I told her, I thought about how that wasn’t so hard. Whenever a big point was made, it would enter my mind in a ‘matter of fact’ kind of way. I think that my mom started the sentences, even though she probably didn’t say anything remotely close to what I heard. If not, it was either a disembodied voice, or my own brain starting the sentences. It’s as if either my mom, or a bunch of other people, would say the end of the sentence while I thought it. I think it was probably just my internal dialog, though. Here’s an example. Beginning of sentence: “We don’t do that because...”, pause, end of sentence: “IT HURTS PEOPLE’S FEELINGS!” Now I made that particular example up, but hopefully you can catch my drift. Everything I learned was so basic. It was everything I had learned when I was a kid. Life had been full of these tests, but I’d only just now realized it. It had started out basic, kind of like playing a video game. My childhood had been the tutorial level, but now I was older and life was more serious. God had been my guide the whole way through. I’d failed to notice Him, but he’d been focused on me and He wasn’t going to give up. That’s the reason this whole thing had happened. I saw everything. These were the basic instructions to life. Somewhere towards the end, I vaguely remember my dad coming in for a brief moment. I didn’t know who he was, but he looked familiar. It was like seeing someone I hadn’t seen in years. I think he said something about me feeling better and that he wanted me home. I’m not sure, though. <br> <br> This concludes the parts of the trip that I can’t place into the timeline. <br> <br> COMING TO <br> <br> At some point, I came to. I was strapped down to a bed in a strange room. There was no one in there but me. There was a rippling curtain (rippling from the effects of the drugs) near the doorway, which served as a door for the room. I think that it was open, but I don’t remember seeing out, so it might have been closed. There were sticky pads that had wires attached to them stuck to my chest. I was in a hospital gown, although I don’t think I realized it at the time. I didn’t know where I was or how I’d gotten there. I didn’t remember that I’d taken acid and I didn’t remember anything that’d happened earlier. Somehow I got it in my head that I’d died and was in a waiting room, waiting for my soul be judged and sent to either Heaven or Hell. I guess that I mostly sobered up after awhile. At some point, this bitch of a nurse told me that I was going to have to piss for her into this bottle thing. I said that I couldn’t and she said that she was going to have to ‘go up in me with a catheter’ if I didn’t. Normally I would have threatened to kill her and everyone in the hospital, but I didn’t get mad. My mom got mad at the nurses and started telling them some of the violent things I’d done in my past. My mom put the thing on the bed and I think she went out of the room. It fell out of my reach, so she had to come back in and put it back in reach. After a few tries I finally was able to go. I remember sobering up and my mom reminding me of some of the things I said. I remembered these specific things I had said. I’d said these things in the very end of the trip, right before I thought I was about to fly down the tunnel of light. I said, “So.” I eventually realized that I could get out of the restraints by pulling my hands through. A nurse told someone that they were going to need some people to come in and try to hold me down and put me back in the restraints. Nothing happened, though. Behind the bed, there was a syringe hooked up to some tube machine. I took it so that I could stab someone with it if anyone tried anything. I didn’t know what anyone would try, but because of the catheter comment, I was going to be prepared. I started pacing around the room. I had a blanket wrapped around me. I imagined that it was a white cloak. <br> <br> I heard a security guard say, “He’s still on that shit.” I tried to leave the room and the security guard told me that I couldn’t, since I wasn’t discharged yet. I started getting an attitude with him. <br> <br> NEXT DAY <br> <br> Throughout the next two years almost, I continued to occasionally remember more and more of my experience, eventually resulting in what I have written here. There are more things that happened, things that I simply cannot put into words. All in all, an intense trip is like a really weird movie or novel where you’re the main character and all the events rotate around you and your life. There are emotions that you can’t even begin to comprehend unless you have been there yourself. The day after, I felt a wave of blackness, like a pitch black storm cloud in my memory from the night before. I could hardly remember a thing. I did however remember that I’d thought I was in Hell. I didn’t remember what it was like, though. There was a gloomy, hopeless feeling about everything. I felt like life was meaningless and was of no value. <br> <br> I went to a friend’s house and smoked some weed. After leaving, I wandered the streets for all of the day and part of the night, all by myself. I felt like my mind had been stretched way to thin. There were quite a few after effects. I had extreme trails that took a matter of seconds to disappear after the motion stopped. They had gone down considerably the next day, but have never fully disappeared, even to this day. They are at their most extreme in the mornings when I wake up. <br> <br> Now when I trip, even with low doses, I break through into the state where I lose touch with reality. Concepts from my bad trip often occur, often without warning. When sober, I notice lots of things in reality that I never noticed. My associative thinking has been strengthened to an unimaginable degree. <br> <br> Believe it or not, I also experience several forms of synesthesia now. Numbers have powers. I associate numbers with people and objects. The numbers go from one to ten (although I’ve never seen anything past an eight), ten being the highest. The stronger and fancier the person or object looks, the higher the number. Five was my favorite at first. Then it was seven and five. Now it’s eight. This is known as number form synesthesia. I didn’t even know that what I was experiencing was synesthesia until I looked up ‘synesthesia’ on Wikipedia. <br> <br> Also, I have experienced the shape of reality while sober (several times), however these occurrences happened without warning, therefore they were probably just flashbacks. There are plenty of other phenomenon that I experience on a regular basis, however I’m tired of writing, so I’m done describing them. Even though I rarely use psychedelics anymore (except for DXM, even though it’s technically a dissociative drug), I have gone on many trips since my bad one, however one trip sticks out more than any of the others. It was on June the 5th of that year. During this trip, I experienced reality’s shape again. Although I freaked out in the beginning, I didn’t have to play the game over again. The cycle of the shape just repeated itself over and over again. <br> <br> The highlighted point was that God is real. He always has been and always will be. Reality is what reality is. Reality is a creation of God. Beginning of story, end of story. Sunrise, sunset. And that is what reality is. All is well. I saw the chain of authority. God was at the top. Then there were the government and the police. Then there were my parents, particularly my mom. Then there were teachers and principals at school, which was of course a thing off the past at the time. Everything was a metaphor for God. I had hated and fought authority all my life. Therefore, I had fought God. My parents, school, the law, and all authority I had known, was trying to help me. I know that the law isn’t trying to help me and I still don’t respect them at all, but it still exists. Breaking the law results in jail, prison, and other legal problems. When I was a kid, fighting with my parents resulted in punishment, family problems, and other difficulties. Acting up at school resulted in ‘in school suspension’, getting kicked out of school, and many other problems, which in turn resulted in more problems at home. Getting kicked out of school resulted in no job, family problems, and a shitty future if I didn’t shape up. <br> <br> The seven deadly sins all bring you down. Lust resulted in STDs, cheating, and broken hearts. Gluttony resulted in obesity, diabetes, heart disease, hiccups, and overall feeling like shit. Greed results in strained and broken relationships, people not liking you, and other people not getting what they need from you. Therefore when you’re in need, people will be less likely to help you out. Sloth, or laziness, results in you going nowhere in life, which also puts a strain on romantic relationships. Wrath hurts people and can also get you killed. Suicide is also wrath towards yourself. Envy causes you to be miserable and can also lead to wrath by means of jealousy. Pride shows people how stuck up you are, which makes people dislike you. Indulging in one of these sins often leads to you indulging in another, then another, then another, and eventually all of them. <br> <br> All these things have a web effect. Problems in one area resulted in problems in others. Try and think of something you can do that would hurt your life, something that’s not on of the seven deadly sins. You can’t. We are pens and reality is a blank notepad. We could write a good or bad story. It was our choice. We had free will. By ignoring what was obvious and repeating the same actions that constantly got me nowhere, I was getting nowhere. I constantly continued to do these things, though. I was repeating the same actions over and over, expecting a different result. This was insanity. Therefore, I literally made my own Hell. The reason I couldn’t feel God when I talked to him before, is that I sinned all the time. Sin pulled me away from God. The better I was at obeying him, the more I would feel him. At first it starts off subtle. If a kid behaves badly, he or she is being naughty. As they get older and became a teenager, they became bad. Eventually, they become evil. <br> <br> The whole world was full of signs that pointed to the truth. Movies, television, everyday conversations, and reality in general. Reality was full of subliminal messages. All I ever had to do was listen. God talks through people, through your conscience, through karma, and through cause and effect. The bad guy never wins in the movies (well, almost never). Obviously life can’t be a coincidence. There are too many things that life couldn’t exist without. The sun, the Earth and it’s angle towards the sun, most of the organs in your body, cells, the ability and desire to reproduce etc, etc. Also, if you think about it, could it be a coincidence that you just happen to be the smartest animal on the planet, the only one that knows right from wrong? There are thought to be approximately a million species of animals in the world. Think about even one species. Think about how many flies there are compared to humans. Do you think that you just happen to be the smartest animal, when all around you there are countless other forms of consciousness? <br> <br> Just try to listen and see if you can feel God. It may be hard since your sin separates you from Him, but He gets closer and very easy to hear if you sin less. It’s much easier to connect with Him when you trip, although it’s not necessary. Just analyze reality the next time you trip. See if the whole ‘cause and effect’ and ‘chain of command’ thing makes sense. If you go into a trip open-mindedly, you’ll get much better results. Look to find out. Don’t look to disprove. Now I’m no religious fanatic. I’m young and I’m certainly no square by any means, however I feel a responsibility to put this story out there just in case it saves one person. Now I know that this story sounds a little unrealistic, especially with the description of the incredibly short onset, but I have written down my experience just as it happened. I have not made up, changed, or exaggerated (that would be impossible, anyways) anything written here. <br> <br> Well anyways, I guess this is it, folks. Peace out.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 82774</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 29, 2012</td><td>Views: 31,923</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=82774&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=82774&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Bad Trips (6), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Hospital (36)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> My LSD experience was the craziest time of my life. Literally. <br> <br> Prior to my first and only LSD experience I had been using marijuana for less than a year and I had tried coke twice, nothing else. I didn't even drink much before this year, I don't even like using pain killers and I don't take any prescription drugs. <br> <br> I probably started doing drugs because I lost interest in following the rules, the established order, that had gotten me nowhere. After college I had no where to go. I was the perfect child and student, nothing exceptional, but nothing bad either. <br> <br> After college I applied for the CIA (this becomes important). After being rejected I decided illegal substance use wasn't a big deal anymore. <br> <br> I then got a job teaching English abroad where I met a lot of other English teachers, people who thought like me, people who were the most interesting, intelligent, amazing people I had ever met. And they were all drug users. It was because of them, and their stories, and their accomplishments, that I decided taking drugs would not screw up my life. <br> <br> I was very close friends with Matt, Al, and Rich by the time I decided to try LSD with them. They had all taken acid, shrooms and other psychedelics before. I trusted them, especially Matt. He was older and more experienced and I was a little in love with him. <br> <br> We jointly bought a sheet with ten tabs on it through Matt's local friend, we'll call him John. Of the ten tabs, I went in on one, John took three, Matt and Al each paid for two and Rich had the last two. John took his three almost immediately, the rest of us were waiting for the right time and place to take them together. It never came, we decided to do what we could and took them the night of Al's birthday, before some of us left the country. It was Monday night, around 11pm. <br> <br> Although I originally planned on only taking half a tab, we all ended up taking extra dosages because the effects took so long to kick in, it was about an hour and a half before we felt anything. Bad idea. <br> <br> I took one tab, Matt and Rich took one and a half, John took one, bought off of Matt and Rich, and Al took two. <br> <br> I was completely unprepared for what would come. I did no research before hand, I hadn't understood what happened to other people when I heard their stories. All I knew about hallucinogens was that you saw things. <br> <br> I saw some great things. Dragons in the clouds, fairies in the bushes, dinosaurs in the cobblestones. It was all beautiful and animated and great. Then I realized that everything I looked at was far and close at the same time, everything was big and small. I felt like I was in one of those model train set worlds. <br> <br> I told everyone this and they just laughed at me. I told everyone I felt I hadn't been properly prepared for this. Rich said that no one ever is. I told them that I felt like I was sensing everything at once, or maybe I was in multiple dimensions at the same time. Rich looked at me seriously for a second and said “yeah, but you can't think like that” and then started laughing ridiculously. Everyone else started laughing too. “That was the perfect man,” Matt said. I didn't understand but I got lost in the visions again pretty quickly. <br> <br> Until I got more and more upset that I couldn't understand anything! When I focused enough to talk again all I could say is “I have never been this out of my mind!” They just kept laughing and ignoring me. And they were playing frisbee! How could they play frisbee when it kept twisting in the air? I couldn't believe that they were tripping too. They were acting normal, just laughing a lot, and not catching the frisbee. At this point I was standing in the middle of the frisbee game, my hands half raised, staring at the dinosaurs moving around, crawling on each other. “I feel like someone's missing.” Rich said. I looked around, realized where I was. Shit. “You're talking about me!” I exclaimed, because I wasn't playing frisbee, and I was the only one tripping (or so I thought). There's no way I can play frisbee in this state of mind, they shouldn't be able to either. <br> <br> I started to cry, because my mind was so fucked and I was pissed that these guys, who were supposed to be my friends, had gotten me into this without proper warning or taking any precautions. What if something bad happened! None of us would be able to handle it, none of us are sober! This was really stupid, I can't understand anything. That's all I was thinking as I cried in despair. For about half a minute. Then I talked myself out of it. “Okay, this is stupid and useless, I can't act like this around these guys, especially Matt, I might as well enjoy these images while I'm stuck in this state.” “I still feel like someone's missing.” Rich said again. OH, I get it, I need to play frisbee, that's what he's trying to tell me. Playing frisbee was the best idea ever. It was something to concentrate on and it looked amazing. Even if I could never catch the damn thing. It kept twisting, getting smaller and bigger, and entering different dimensions. <br> <br> I couldn't figure out why they would ever stop playing and they kept moving. I couldn't figure out how we got from one place to another. But it didn't matter anymore, it was just fun. We all stopped playing and gathered up. Not sure why. But while we were all huddled together in a group, one of the locals came up to us. He didn't speak much English, he only talked to John. I tried really hard to make sense of the situation. The stranger was trying to sell us a book, he said it was old, really old, he said he was a traveling scholar, just trying to make some extra money by selling it. <br> <br> This is when my mind started to take off. I stopped seeing pretty, fun things. I started getting wrapped up in stories in my head. Paranoia and delusions started here. <br> <br> “Why is he here, now, at this time of night?” was the best I could say to try to help the group realize that this was a scam. I thought they all understood: after all, no one was buying the book. Except John, he kept talking to the guy. And he almost sounded like he was trying to convince us that this book was worth buying. <br> <br> “He's in on it! He got us the acid, he was using his cell phone all night, even though the rest of us chose to turn ours off to avoid freak outs, and he was trying to hide its use. That's why he was so adamant about buying a hit off of us. To make us believe that he is tripping too. He told this jerk where to find us while we are tripping balls! That asshole. Matt sees it, he knows we've been betrayed! He looks ready to kick his ass!” But Matt didn't. <br> <br> Other things happened. I saw people in the shadows, they were cops. Now John was an undercover cop. And then Matt was too. Al, Rich and I were going to jail. Then everyone was undercover but me, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's why Rich kept saying “I feel like someone's missing.” They were all working to bring down a huge drug ring, but they liked me enough that they were trying to find a way out for me. <br> <br> I ended up running away from them, in order to save myself. Now I was alone and afraid. I even threw away my phone after Al texted “call us when ur safe.” <br> <br> I sat down and cried, and thought. I thought about everyone who was involved. They were all in on it. Everyone I had met in this crazy country. But wait, that doesn't make sense. Something else is going on here. Something bigger, stranger. Then it struck me! I was never actually rejected from the CIA. My entire time abroad was a recruitment/training process. I had passed, this was the final test. I was in the CIA! <br> <br> I became really happy, laughed at everyone and everything, everything I remembered about the past I made it fit into the puzzle. Every book I read, every person I met, everything that anyone said to me. It was all a part of some big master plan. I ran around the city looking for clues, playing games, talking to people, entering open doors and climbing on things. All because I believed I was in the CIA, the city I was in had become a movie set, and everyone in it was actors. The city became my playground as I enjoyed justifying everything that had happened in my life. Now all I needed to do was find the way out of this movie set in order to finish this final test. At one point I thought I was poisoned, I thought I might die, but I found an antidote. At other times I thought I needed to strip naked and run into the woods because of something a friend had said. At other times I thought I needed to walk home. <br> <br> Eventually I decided I needed to climb up a brick smoke stack in order to see the boundaries of the movie set and to conquer my fear of heights. One of the guys I hung out with in this city (thus he was in on it too) said that everyone has a fear of heights and being alone. “Not everyone,” I thought, “just me. I need to get over those fears.” It was about 9am now. I climbed up the smoke stack. I got to the top, it was beautiful, I was happy. <br> <br> But there was a commotion below me. The actors on this movie set had brought out a fire truck, presumably to get me down, but I knew it was fake. I climbed back down. There were police there now. I got to the bottom and I knew I couldn't let the police catch me. I ran away. But I wasn't quick enough, they caught me and I couldn't get away. “All right,” I thought, “they wouldn't capture me if I really wasn't supposed to be caught. I need to find another way out of this.” They took me into a nearby building. <br> <br> Believe it or not, the nearby building, the place where the smoke stack was located, the place I chose to climb up to the highest height I could find, was on the grounds of a mental hospital. <br> <br> I didn't think this was strange, I thought the room they took me into was just another set, full of more actors. They asked me if I have ever talked to a psychiatrist. No, I haven't. Oh, I get it, in order to get into the CIA I need to go through psychiatric therapy. They told me I have problems, that I'm depressed, that I have a death wish, that I've had lots of doctors (this, I thought, was referring all of the friends I had met here), that I'm not normal, that I need help. I thought all of this was about the problems I needed to get over, and how I'm special and that's why I'm in the CIA. <br> <br> A lot more happened to me in the hospital. I was there until around 11am the next morning. I was in a mental hospital, I talked to mental patients, I acted completely insane, I was completely insane and I talked to the woman lying in the bed next to me about everything I thought I could consider a mental problem about myself. Except being crazy. The whole time I thought it was a game and/or a test. The test/game was to find a way out after I explored my psych. I was discovering things about myself, but a lot of it was bullshit I thought the CIA would want to hear. Like not wanting to do any more drugs. <br> <br> They had to strap me down and give me drugs (I don't know what) to get me to sleep. In the morning things didn't make as much sense, but the fact that I was there, in this fake hospital, convinced me that everything I had been thinking was true. <br> <br> Eventually I found a way out like a good spy should. I calmly talked to the staff about how I did not belong there, that if I had problems they should be taken care of in my country, that I had no insurance so they should get rid of my free loading. They had me sign a no consent form and let me go. <br> <br> I walked back to my flat, started packing. The only clue left that was left, that I thought was right, was that I needed to go home by getting deported. <br> <br> I hadn't eaten or slept much, at all. I ate, then slept, before actually packing. When I woke up it was because Matt, Rich and Al were outside, making noise, looking for me. They told me they had filed a missing person's report, they asked what happened to me, I lied. I asked what happened to them, I thought they were lying. None of it made sense. I thought I would never see them again. What were they doing here? I was confused and wanted to be alone, but I knew I needed to talk to them. I did. Only a few times did they say things that I could fit into my story. Nothing was making as much sense as it did before. <br> <br> It was about 48 hours after I had first ingested the LSD. I stayed with my friends, I started to think that maybe, just maybe, I could be crazy. But the hospital. That was real. How could that be? <br> <br> I finally asked to talk to Matt alone. I didn't know how to start, I still thought I should be playing the game, not telling the truth, I'm a spy... I think... <br> <br> “What's up?” he said. <br> “You know how you said that if you're really crazy you won't know it?” <br> “Yeah...” <br> “Well, either I'm crazy, or you're in the CIA.” <br> I looked at him, waiting for someone to finally really confirm everything for me. His reaction was not what I was hoping for. <br> “What? There's no way that's possible.” <br> “Then am I crazy?” <br> “Is that what you're asking me!?” <br> “Okay, let me tell you why I think that. I'm going to tell you what actually happened to me...” <br> <br> I told him. I was convinced. But he just kept shaking his head, and occasionally saying “fuuck” and “LSD is a powerful drug.” I was still trying to convince him. But as I went through my story I occasionally saw myself as other people must've during that time. I got to the end of my story. “None of that was real.” he told me. He had to tell me again and again. We had to go through specific things. “None of it.” He told me. <br> <br> I broke down. It took another day before I was fully out of it. Before I could think straight again. It's been about a month now. I think it took that long for me to feel completely grounded in reality. <br> <br> I never imagined that I could ever go that far out of my mind. <br> <br> Now I really believe in the value of LSD for psychiatric purposes. I was in a very good state of mind when I took it, the only pressing issue for me has been what to do with my life and I feel like I received some valuable insight about that, at the very least. <br> <br> In the end, I think it was an amazing experience. Amazing. I faced all of my fears, I realized what was important to me, I realized I do not want to be in the CIA, and considering no real damage occurred, I had a great time. I had the time of my life. <br> <br> I feel like I should never do LSD again, my brain and LSD do not seem to get along. But I want to. I want to play frisbee and see dinosaurs and dragons dancing around in the clouds and bushes. Unfortunately, the fear of going psychotic again is still strong and will probably stop me for a long time.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 73806</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jan 2, 2013</td><td>Views: 44,205</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=73806&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=73806&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Bad Trips (6), Unknown Context (20)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Beer/Wine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 8:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I was back from college in my hometown for Christmas. It started off like a normal day. I woke up around 1 or 2 pm, laid on the couch with some food and vegged-out. Around 4 o’clock that night a good friend of mine, M, called me and said that he was on his way back into town at the moment and asked if I wanted to hang out with an old high school buddy that went to school downtown and have a few brewskis and a bowl or two. Elated to have something to do in this boring town, I agreed and hurried to meet him ignoring my dad in the den as he yelled at me not to stay out to late. I went by the liquor store with a fake ID and picked up a case of beer, cigarettes, and a bottle of rum. We drove downtown to C’s apartment and began to drink with C, B (a high school friend who was squatting in C’s room) and J, C’s roommate who we knew fairly well. <br> <br> About 6 o’clock, C and J disappeared and came back an hour later with 22 hits of blotter and two more people I had never met before. At first sight they looked incredibly sketchy (I quickly learned that these were some of the coolest and funniest people I will ever meet) but I decided not to say anything until I met them. <br> <br> I am a strong believer that an acid trip can go however you want it to, it’s all in your head. Because of that, I find spontaneity when taking acid improves the overall trip. Rather than someone planning it for a long time, getting really excited and then not having a great trip which is really, really annoying. And since I had had absolutely no intention to take a dose that night, I felt it was a great time to take some. <br> <br> We stood in a silent circle around the acid, frozen in silent awe at our awesome score. 22 hits for $160. We divided them evenly between the 8 people, except for B who took four (no one wants to be around B on 4 hits of acid). <br> <br> C and J didn’t have an TV in their apartment so to pass the time we turned some music on, cut the lights, plugged in a multi-colored disco ball, and played drinking games and smoked weed to pass the time during that Acid Hour until we came up. After an hour and 15 minutes we started to get pissed that it wasn’t working. We certainly felt it, but there were no visuals. Usually, I try to forget about the acid and let it come on by itself. But this unwatched pot was not boiling. I decided to get up and walk around, get the blood flowing. I knew it probably wouldn’t do anything but I didn’t care. <br> <br> Standing up, I walked throughout the apartment, stopping randomly to stare at something and try to make it move. Mostly blank stretches of walls or a cool looking pattern on the carpet. I rounded the hall corner and walked into C’s bedroom. I glanced around for something trippy to look at but found nothing. And then I saw it. It wasn’t anything special in fact. I had to do a double take because it was so mundane of an object. Stuck to C’s wall was one of the most well-known posters today. It was a black and white portrait of Jim Belushi from Animal House with the signature COLLEGE shirt on. But as I looked at the poster, a very small fuzzy, grayish-blackish dot appeared in the center of his face. I stared at it a little bit longer, wondering what this thing was about to do next. <br> <br> The spot began to grow so that it covered his entire face. I remained there, 2 feet from the wall, staring at this perfectly normal poster with the most confused look on my face. I stared at if for a few more seconds when M walked in, going to use C’s bathroom. He stopped halfway across the dim room, the only light coming through the hallway door. “What the fuck are you doing in here in the dark?” “Wondering why Jim’s face is gone and been replaced by a black hole.” I replied nonchalantly, still staring the into the darkness over the actor’s face. M burst out laughing, but not a normal laugh, this one was louder and more prolonged than usual. I concluded that M had started tripping too. “You trippin?” “I'm getting there. I saw some stuff move a minute ago but I was going to look in the mirror. But now I really want to see this black hole.” “Ha ha, it’s weird. I know his face is there, but I can't see it at all.” “Well what is there?” “Nothing, that is what is so cool. His face is made of nothing, if nothing was a substance. Imagine a static screen on a TV, but frozen still and melting slightly.” M looked at me an laughed again, “Dude, if I wasn’t on three, that would have been the most absurd thing I have ever heard, but I think I know what you are talking about.” <br> <br> We stood up and walked into the incredibly bright bathroom. We stood next to each other, staring into what seemed like a carnival mirror that I could bend with my mind. After making the mirror bend so much I felt like throwing up, and gasping for air between laughter, I dragged my self, now fully tripping, coming up strong and fast, from the bathroom and “crawled” into the den flat on my stomach, because I though that if I stood up, booby traps hidden in the wall would pop out and attack me. <br> <br> The rest of the night consisted of a blur of visuals from the disco ball and Christmas ornaments hung by invisible fishing wire from the ceiling with moments of clarity as we ventured outside the apartment into the half indoor/half outdoor hallways that made up the apartment building. We got lost several times in the labyrinthine hallways that seemed to stretch forever in both directions. Every once in a while, one of us would get left behind, sitting in a corner staring at something that no one else could see, only to round a corner with a resounding scream as they walked directly into the rest of the group. Around 1am, J had an idea to go to the top of the parking deck that was attached to the building and look at the sky scrapers of downtown Birmingham and look at the stars and get some fresh air. We rode the elevator to the sixth floor, and as we stepped out, it was like walking into an arena. The ceiling and walls melted away to reveal nothing but black sky above with hundreds of tiny stars. The always lit lights on the city’s skyscrapers illuminated patterns on their sides. It didn’t take me long to realize that I could control the height of each of the skyscrapers, and make them move up and down in rhythm. From somewhere, “Timezones” by Widespread Panic floated into my head as the skyscrapers started to dance. They shot up and down going from 2 stories to 150 instantaneously, rising and falling to the beat of the music. <br> <br> I was told later that I stood on the top of that parking deck in 25 degree weather and bad winds, staring out at the city long after the others had left, from 1:00 til around 2:45 when someone came up to get me. I think when on the trip from the roof back to the room was when I began to stop having intense visuals. Really the only visuals I had for the rest of the night were still there, but not nearly as pronounced. But as the visuals began to stop, a whole different wave washed over me. I regained a sense of my self and started the hardest mental trip I have ever had. <br> <br> The wee hours of the morning from when I came back to the room till around 6:30 am consisted of 7 people, 2 of who I had only met 15 minutes before eating their dose, crammed into a tiny bedroom with no chairs and the lights out. We sat and smoked, and talked about acid and smoked and talked about how life was like a movie, just not about us, and smoked...you get the idea. <br> <br> At about 5:00 we decided to go back to the roof one more time to watch the sunrise. I honestly have never witnessed a more incredibly, breathtaking beautiful sight as the sun coming up over Red Mountain and shining down on the buildings below us and the skyscrapers in the distance. As the sun rose, shooting streaks of orange, red, and dark purple across the sky, it shone through a huge long fluffy cloud, flushing it with color. Everyone of us, all seven, saw a colored dragon head of the exact same description a the same time form in the clouds and cruise across the sky. <br> <br> Around 6:30am, J had the great idea to get everyone thinking about food. Now, normally, I’m not hungry when I am on acid, but he made Micky-D’s biscuits sound so good. So at about 7:15, still tripping incredibly hard, myself, J, and J’s friend and his girlfriend tried to prepare our selves mentally for what we were about to do. The biscuits were a 3 block walk, through 10 crosswalks round trip, and an entire downtown industrial section of the city getting up to go to work. We opened the gate and walked out side into the morning sunlight, walked about 8 steps to the first crosswalk, looked at the morning commuters that were whizzing by, starting their day and going through their day to day problems and realized that there was a real world out here and were were tripping way to hard to do this right now. We did it any way. We walked in the freezing cold and with giant pupils the three blocks to the restaurant. Upon arrival, we realized that we couldn’t go in and risk someone seeing us do something crazy. So we sat, diagonally across the street from a police department, cops driving by about once ever 45 seconds, in the freezing cold and tried to suppress our psychedelic delusions as we ate steaming butter biscuits. <br> <br> We made the trip back to the apartment without incident, but that... <br> <br> WAS WHEN DISASTER STRUCK! <br> <br> Sitting in J’s den at about 8:00, my cell phone rings. At first I dismiss my ringtone to the acid, but it rang again and this time my friends asked my if it was mine. I looked at the caller on the front of the phone. “Mom” it read. It took about 20 seconds for me to remember what went wrong. I remembered something vague, a voice, telling me something, OH NO my dad telling me not to stay out late, and I had not come home. Maybe not with you, but I have a very strict set of parents, if they had found out what I was doing, I could kiss my next semester at college good bye. I fell into a bad trip instantly. I couldn’t figure out how I was going to get out of it and I panicked, the acid just magnified it. The walls began to close, I got short of breath, and a huge well of anger rose up. I stormed out of the apartment and screamed and hurled my phone against the ground, shattering it. My friends dragged my inside and calmed me down. Soon, with a great help from the acid, I accepted my fate and decide to not let it get me down for now. But then I began to think of the situation from an objective point of view to try and search for an answer. Lo and behold, I found one. I pieced together a story that would satisfy my parents questions and any snooping with my friends parents they might do and enjoyed the rest of the trip, my parents took the story, and my only punishment was that I was not allowed to go to sleep that day, and spent it doing errands and yard work for my parents. <br> <br> But looking back on it, this experience made me respect acid, how fun and fickle it is, but also how it lets me look at things from an entire different perspective.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 68795</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jan 4, 2013</td><td>Views: 10,503</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=68795&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=68795&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> My third acid trip (and third psychedelic experience in general) was a strange one. At only a single hit, it wasn’t intense enough to be a bad trip per se, and only at times was it difficult, but it was consistently uncomfortable, frustrating, and unfulfilling. Prior to this, in addition to two other acid experiences, I had been smoking cannabis for two years or so, and had experimented with DXM and salvia, both of which were largely unsatisfying. What I have learned throughout my fairly limited drug experience is that I am not one to enjoy getting fucked up or confused, and even weed can be unpleasant for me if not used in the right context. <br> <br> What I perceived to be my set and setting before dropping were very different from what the trip revealed to me about my mindset, so I’ll revisit this later on when I analyze the trip. This took place during my spring break, Freshman year of college. The year had been good to me; I had wonderful friends, a great girlfriend, countless fond memories, and for the first time in quite a while, I felt that I was in a very good place psychologically. I was in a cabin in the Smokies with my nine closest college friends (my girlfriend was not present) and was enjoying myself immensely. The day before had been spent drinking, smoking weed, and enjoying the scenery and company. The day of the trip was lazy and unhurried. I had smoked a bowl in the morning, but by the time I dropped around 1, I wasn’t feeling anything. Other than that, there was no alcohol nor any medications in my system. <br> <br> In my past acid experiences, the body high came at roughly the same time as the onset of the psychological effects, so I was surprised and a bit worried when just seconds after placing the hit under my tongue, the bitterness from the acid spread to my neck, back, and jaw and I started to feel the familiar cold tension. I tried to push the feeling out of my mind, but after a few minutes I grew worried and swallowed the hit to soften the onset. On my last trip, because the body load and the hallucinations hit at about the same time, I was too amazed by the trip to notice the uncomfortable feeling. This time however, I had nothing to think about except the body high for quite some time. <br> <br> About 20 minutes after dropping, I went with a few friends to a small creek across the street from our cabin. I realized that my eyes must have dilated somewhat, because the light outside was very intense, and while I wasn’t hallucinating yet, everything had taken on a certain presence and glow. After a few minutes of sitting by the stream, I noticed that I was feeling quite anxious. This will pass, I thought - it’s normal to feel anxious when waiting for a trip to start. While my friends were hopping across the rocks to the other side, I felt incapable of jumping out, and moved slowly with excessive caution along the side. The cars that occasionally passed by also made me nervous. Though they presented me no threat, they were too close and too alien. Wishing to calm myself down, I crossed the street and climbed our steep driveway back up to the cabin. <br> <br> Sitting on our porch (probably at around 35-40 minutes, but all times after this are estimated), I asked my companions if they were feeling anything yet. Most shook their heads or muttered something about the brightness, and I got the impression I was hit harder than anyone else. Looking over the railing of the porch, I saw the patterns on a rock shift slightly. Did I just get a visual? I looked at it again, and found it moving gently. I looked to my friend E. “Are you getting any visuals yet?” “No, are you!?” she responded with a grin. I nodded, but didn’t share her enthusiasm. I was having an extremely difficult time ignoring the body load. My long hair falling around my neck, combined with the typical neck tension of LSD was producing a crawling sensation all around my neck and back. In addition, I felt very cold, with a certain emptiness in my chest, as though the warmth I needed would have to come from the inside. <br> <br> For the next few hours, all of the people tripping (8 in total, 2 of my friends had declined because of recent difficult trips) moved back and forth between the porch and the driveway. For the most part, the group acted as a unit, unanimously deciding every once in a while that the current location had ceased to be entertaining and that it was time to move. By this point I was well into my trip. The experience was mild enough for me to stay on top of my anxieties, but I couldn’t get over the discomfort of the body high. I was confused and frustrated, and kept waiting for the moment when I would break through and start rolling with the trip instead of fighting it. Because of this, I was usually a few minutes behind the movement of the group. When they would giddily migrate to another spot, I would remain with J, who was on two hits instead of one and so was less inclined to move, or talk to the two who weren’t tripping. <br> <br> Whenever I did join the conversations of the larger group, I always perceived that the conversation was turning morbid. When I asked about this afterwards, few people remembered clearly what they had been talking about, and few recalled any particularly dark conversations, so I think this was mostly in my head. At any rate, when I tried to join the group, the topic (or what I perceived to be the topic) would invariably turn to something that caused me great anxiety. Not wishing to talk about death or ugliness or whatever it was I thought they were talking about, I would leave and try to find a more comforting conversation. For a little while, I talked with T, who wasn’t tripping, about what I felt. I told him that I wasn’t just feeling the typical acid cold, but a sort of spiritual cold. He was understanding and helped talk me through it, but when I realized that he was a little drunk, I got anxious and left. <br> <br> I spent little time in the interior of the cabin, because it set off my hallucinations too much. The bare wood grain of the walls crawled about in an overwhelming way. The faux-rustic theme of the cabin meant that everything was intensely textured, so there was nothing in view that wasn’t moving or pulsating in some way. In addition, the geometry of the building was confusing to me. While it had felt comfy the day before, the layout seemed awkward while tripping. <br> <br> At one point, maybe three hours in, T challenged me to a game of checkers. At the time, I thought a friendly game would be perfect to take my mind off my anxieties. After a few moves, I was relieved to find that the basic idea of the game was still familiar to me, though planning into the future was a somewhat alien concept. Then, after a foolish move on my part, T got a double jump. This was too much for me. His army was advancing too fast. My black pieces were no match for the unstoppable assault of his reds. In retrospect, it’s really quite funny that I got so worked up about a simple game, but in my addled state I had no choice but to concede and flee to the comfort of the porch. <br> <br> There, drawing closer to my peak, I found myself in a thought loop that would shed some light upon the whole trip. There are things that still need to be taken care of, I thought to myself. There are things that still need to be taken care of. I had the overwhelming sense that the carefree attitude shared by my companions in our mountain paradise was false – that there are real issues that we were missing in our celebration. It would be weeks before I was able to dig into the real meaning of this through discussions with my friends. I’ll get into that later. <br> <br> I moved back to the driveway where the majority of the group had landed once again. It was commonly felt that we were peaking. My friends were in ecstasy, staring at the clouds and the trees overwhelmed by awe. I felt detached, like I couldn’t get myself on the same wavelength, like I was having an entirely different trip. Suddenly, a large black truck pulled into our driveway. I took us all a moment to realize what was going on. Our cabin shared a driveway with another, and these were our neighbors arriving for the first time. At the time, they were purely alien – invaders that encompassed every idea of “other.” We panicked. With a steep drop off on one side of the drive and a steep incline on the other, there was nowhere to go but up. We scrambled in utter confusion to the door of the cabin as 4 other cars, all black, followed the first. <br> <br> Jesus Christ! Who are they!? Do they know we’re tripping? What are they going to do to us!? Why can’t they leave us alone? I have often found that whatever one experiences during the peak of a trip defines the subsequent reconstruction of the psyche; for the remainder of the trip, everything would hinge around the moral dichotomy I formed around US and THEM - the invaders, the aggressors, the others. I fled into the cabin. Fuck! Are they following? Are they in the house!? I made my way back to the porch where all of the trippers had congregated. Though I was by far the most stunned of the group, everyone was babbling about THEM. We found ourselves in a collective thought loop, with the topic of conversation recursing upon itself every few minutes. The focal point of the loop was the concept of US and THEM. <br> <br> My friend A, an experienced tripper, put on some Carlos Santana and told us not to worry about THEM. All that mattered was US, we should just pretend that THEY don’t exist and focus on the music. This worked for a while, and I had the first of a few brief moments of peace during the trip. I was pleasantly overwhelmed by the rolling percussion and joyous improvisation I heard. Wrapped in an old blanket that I had brought along - the only relief I could get from the chemical chill of the acid - I shook a tiny maraca to the beat with childlike joy. I also reached a point in the trip that was familiar with from last time – the point at which the hallucinations start to make sense. Yes, this is what acid is supposed to look like, I thought. The shapes and colors had a distinctively “acid” theme as opposed to the overwhelming collage of motion and distortion I had experienced before. <br> <br> We sat there on the porch listening to music for several hours. I took some comfort in knowing that the peak had passed and that I had managed to keep The Fear in check. The body load was still very uncomfortable, but I got the feeling of stoic endurance, as when one goes through a whole day with a somewhat painful but bearable injury. There were also some really funny moments during this time, mostly due to the antics of the non-trippers, who were by this point quite drunk. When I compared the pleasurable moments of this trip with the good parts of my last, however, I was troubled. While the joy of my last trip was in the pure wonder and absolute awe at the magnitude of my experience and its spiritual/philosophical implications, this trip offered only hysterics. Certainly it was fun to cackle with hilarity at my friends, but there was little for me to think about or remember about it. <br> <br> I also smoked another bowl during this time. I didn’t notice much about the combination, only that it seemed to pull some of the haziness of the cannabis high over the clarity of the acid high. The remainder of the gradually declining trip had this blunted quality to it, but few other elements that I associate with being stoned. The night proceeded fairly uneventfully. As the trip faded, we all grew hungry and somehow managed to make some good rice, though I was pretty useless in the cooking process. Afterwards we watched a movie and I went to bed early because fighting the body load all day had really taken it out of me. I wasn’t very tired because of the acid, but I desperately wanted to be in bed, to be alone in a quiet, comfortable place. <br> <br> Looking back on this trip, it is clear that the main reason for my anxiety was the body high. Some of my friends attribute this to bad acid while others insist that there is no such thing. One friend speculated that on one hit, I never broke through and achieved the immersion that would have allowed me to ignore the discomfort. As for the thought loop – there are things that still need to be taken care of – I have drawn several conclusions that shed a lot of light on my life as a whole. I learned, partly with the aid of this trip, that failing to fulfill my obligations is one of my biggest anxieties in life. I also realized that as a 19 year old college student, it is often difficult for me to discern exactly where my responsibilities leave off and where my caretakers’ responsibilities begin. What should I have to do for myself? What am I justified in expecting of my parents? The blurred, ever-shifting line between needing to take care of myself and needing things to be taken care of for me is something that this trip really opened my eyes to. I also realized that set and setting can only be used to predict a trip insofar as one truly understands them. The tripping perspective on one’s situation can be so radically different from the sober perspective that what seems like the perfect time and place to trip may not be at all.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 70489</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jan 10, 2013</td><td>Views: 17,326</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=70489&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=70489&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cannabis (1) : General (1), Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Nature / Outdoors (23), Music Discussion (22), Hangover / Days After (46), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:10</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">170 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Three and a half years later I am recalling this event. I have experimented with many different drugs, most on just one occasion or two if I felt the first time I had not gotten the full experience.<br> <br> The one and only time I took LSD was in the summer of 2004, at the age of 19. I had been curious of LSD initially about 3 years earlier in high-school. I grew up in the far south suburbs of Chicago. A lot of my friends had tried it when I was about 16 with interesting reviews. But when I decided to join in the fun was just when the supply disappeared for 3 years, unlike any drought that anyone around had heard of, and I knew all the right people with reaching connections. There just wasn't any around. I've heard it had to do with an extremely large bust of a nationwide supplier around that time. Anyways after 3 years a reliable friend and source attending DePaul University offered an opportunity. A friend of mine and myself after consuming nearly a 750ml bottle of Ketel One Vodka with red bull decided to take the 1 hour drive to DePaul to get some LSD.<br> <br> <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br> <br> We had taken Psilocybin mushrooms before, I having had some wild trips, but him seeming extremely resilient to them. My friend Matt hardly tripped at all from a quarter ounce of shrooms months previously that caused everyone else to trip hard from an eighth ounce.<br> <br> When we got to DePaul in Chicago there were about six others who took the blotters, 1, 1 and a half, up to 2 a piece. The price was $10 each for a rare opportunity. My friend Matt and I being drunk wanted to buy 10 for $90 and take them all. The supplier would not negotiate but did give us 10 for $100 after we promised to only take 2 each. We lied, we initially blatantly took 3 each in front of the group just as they began to peak from 1 or 2 each. We were drunk and not thinking straight. Then after 10 minutes when it hadn't kicked in we decided that it must be weak and took the rest. 5 blotters each for our first times.<br> <br> My compassionate dealer/friend knew we were fucked way before we did. He wasn't compassionate enough to supervise us for the next 10 hours, apparently he had a test in the morning, but he did give us some soothing advise as the beast began to kick in 30 minutes later. My friend and I were escorted outside to a corner convenience store and told that no matter how intense our trip got that within 12 hours it would be over no matter what. Our trip, mine and my friend Matt's were coming up so fast that we needed that reassurance. Simultaneously our drunkenness was coming down. After my dealer/friend left us even after I begged him not to, myself and Matt sat in his parked Jeep on the corner in the University Dorm area freaking out as our trips escalated. We went from being shocked at the intense come up to being very scared very quickly. For each of us our only safety valve was each other, and our cell phones, both with less than full battery charge.<br> <br> Describing the drug effects we had at this time is difficult, especially his, since I am not him. I personally remember helplessness. I knew I couldn't mingle with people without them seeing that I was really fucked up. I knew I couldn't relax, we felt that were unsafe there from, and unsafe from any outside human interaction, especially police. My only comfort was that I wasn't alone. Matt began calling his closest friends, all the while we were sitting in his parked Jeep. He was telling them how fucked up he was, scared, and in need of help, but unable to describe where he was or how he/we could be helped. He actually attempted to call the pastor at his families church, which he had on speed-dial. It was unsuccessful.<br> <br> We began to talk about how what we were doing was so wrong and how we we're putting our kids at jeopardy, the kid's being the most important thing. I had a 1 year old at the time, he had one on the way. I have never been more horrified. Matt's cell phone began to beep from a low battery. I just didn't want to face this trip, when seemed to be gaining intensity exponentially, alone. My vision was distorted, my mind distorted 10 times worse. Then Matt tells me that he has to go home. I begged him not to, I told him he wouldn't make it 2 blocks, he would crash, and end up in jail or a mental institution when the authorities found him in his condition. I couldn't talk him out of it and wouldn't not go with him. He took off, speeding away, nearly going off the road into a road sign 30 some feet ahead before squealing around the corner and out of sight.<br> <br> <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br> <br> I was alone, scared to death to have any interaction with another human, who I felt would surely see I was insane, and I would be arrested, interrogated (which seemed like it would be worse than a beheading), and put into an insane asylum. I came to the conclusion that I had to just keep on going until the trip ended. It was torture and I knew it would be an eternity. It was pitch black, everywhere I looked I seen some sort of a threat, paranoia, hallucination, darkness. It was midnight and I was in an area just off campus with very few lights and campus security that at the time seemed to me like the most threatening vehicle imaginable cruising past about to stop me at any moment. There was no way possible that I could speak to a person in my state.<br> <br> My cell phone was my only lifeline, it was low on batteries but provided the time. My only hope was the time, that it would pass enough until my trip became manageable. I would look at my cell phone and see a time of 12:47, I would walk what seemed like hours, pacing around neighborhood sidewalks that seemed to take the will that climbing Mount Everest would. I knew I had to keep on moving no matter how endless it was, it was my only hope to live out the remaining 60 or so years of my life in the manner that I was accustomed. I would look to my only lifeline, my only hope for inspiration that some time had passed and I was closer to the come down. I would resist looking at my phone as long as possible so that when I did more time would have passed. Then when I finally did, it would read 12:48. One minute of actual time passed had been such a mental labor that another 12 hours seemed beyond impossible. Although I had never been very religious, I turned to a higher power in my time of need, and thought of my son to get through the next 5 torturous hours.<br> <br> Then within minutes of sunrise at 5-something a.m. My entire world transformed from hell to an uneasy but improving heaven. The sunlight shined upon building and trees. I had the great privileged of walking through the DePaul public plant and flower garden area. It was the most beautiful place I had ever experienced. At around 6 a.m. I entered this public area that had to be an extension of the DePaul horticulture department that euphoriated me in an unimaginable way. The paranoia was subsiding while at the same time the visual hallucination had become more vivid than everything in the fresh sunlight, on a dewy 60 degree early morning. I was learning to control my trip to make plants and buildings come to life, to move and breathe in a way that was more satisfying and entertaining than the greatest sexual encounter of a lifetime, and I'm a borderline sex addict. More people began to flood the streets gradually that morning just as I was gradually more comfortable to see them in passing.<br> <br> While this part of the trip was so addicting I also at the same time knew that I had to get home. I was exhausted, has a disgusting layer of abnormal sweat covering my entire body, was freezing to the core after a night of 50 degrees in jeans and a T-shirt, and longed for the comfort of home and my bed. I attempted to ask for connecting train directions to the suburbs at an entrance to one of the smaller lines I encountered, but when I approached the woman at the window her face morphed, and I couldn't get a word out. I ran away after my mouth wouldn't work. I was still too fucked up to figure out train routes, ask for directions/help, or work a pay phone.<br> <br> An hour later I built up the nerve to ask another train employee at a different stop for instruction but just as before could not speak when I approached her, I mumbled and then briskly escaped. It must have about 11 a.m. when I finally was able to get a hold of my long lost friend Matt, who had left me hours earlier. I reached him from a payphone to his cell, and to my honest amazement he actually made it home, 40 miles in his state. I thought he would have crashed for sure. He told me it took him 4 hours to get back, a 1 hour drive, he said he had gotten lost all over the city, gotten direction from the homeless, and from addicts. He nearly crashed repeatedly, couldn't see anything but shiny lights on the expressway, but somehow made it home. And somehow made it back to get me around 3 p.m. After about 15 pay phone calls to his cell while he was en route for about a combined 60 total. In our states' of mind it was not easy to give or receive good directions. <br> <br> Overall it was one of the greatest experiences of my life, in ways that I'm at a loss to describe with words. It is an experience that I am extremely grateful to have had and do have come out of safely. I have not taken LSD since then in the past 4 years or so, but may be open to it in the future. It seems nearly impossible to get as much out of a potential future trip as I did from my first. I'm not ruling out another experience of this magnitude, but if I never trip again at least I will know that I definitely did not go through life without having a REAL trip!<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2004</td><td width="90">ExpID: 69082</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jan 11, 2013</td><td>Views: 20,337</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=69082&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=69082&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">7 g</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(ground / crushed)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">185 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Age: 19 <br> Date: October 10th, 2011 <br> Dose: 7g mushrooms + 4 hits LSD <br> <br> I had done LSD twice prior to this experience, and mushrooms three times. I had tripped quite a lot on 2C-E as well as salvia. I considered myself moderately experienced with psychedelics. I had never tripped very deep, even with up to 75mg of 2C-E. I was very eager to get a really deep meaningful experience. I'd heard that tripping alone would allow your mind to really let go, to not have someone there with you to ground you in reality. Well, from my experience that's completely true. <br> <br> It was the day before thanksgiving. I had just bought 7g of mushrooms and 4 hits of LSD from a friend. I don't really know why I decided to trip that night. It was one of the worst times I could've done it (the day before thanksgiving, lots of stuff to do the next day with family). I initially was going to do it at 9PM but kept putting it off telling myself 'it's not a good time just wait till next week' well by 11PM I decided 'fuck it!'. I took my 7g of mushrooms and ground them to a powder. I used them to brew a mushroom tea. I flavoured it with orange juice and sugar. It tasted pretty good. I took the 4 hits of LSD while drinking my brew. <br> <br> Within 15 minutes I could feel my stomach twisting and turning. Bubbling on the inside. The mushrooms were at work alright. At the 30 minute mark I could see the classic mushroom visuals. I looked at my cement floor, a liquid texture, a lot like a bowl of soup. I had never seen visuals this 'loose' before. I shook my head and the world jiggled like a bowl of jell-o. I spent the next 15 minutes looking at items around my room and shaking my head. I decided to put on some psytrance to get myself in the right mindset. <br> <br> At the 45 minute mark it was only getting more intense. My visuals had taken on a pink/purple hue. I turned off the lights because it was starting to bother me. The colours weren't as noticeable in the dark, but I found it almost impossible to see anything but my t.v or computer screen. My vision was polluted with a fuzzy texture much like that of static on a tv. I spent the next 10 minutes or so trying to get comfortable and fighting the worsening stomach pains. At about an hour in I felt like the LSD was kicking in. My trip briefly took on a much lighter happier feeling. I turned the lights back on and decided to play my guitar. I felt like I was playing some really beautiful stuff, but it was probably just the drugs. This whole time I was still trying to fight the stomach pains, but they were just getting worse and worse. Finally I had had enough, and had to run for a bucket I kept just in case something like this happened. <br> <br> I puked three or four times, but it was strange. Usually when I puke it's very watery, a large amount, and I won't puke more than once. But this was different.... I was puking up very small amount and it was all grey mush. It kind of weirded me out because I had just drank that tea so why wasnt there any water coming out? This sent me into a bad mindset, like something was wrong with me. I stumbled over to my bed to lay down and try to feel better, but I noticed that everything, and I mean everything, was moving. Usually when I trip I'll see things move or scurry along in the corner of my eyes, but this stuff was happening right in the center of my vision. I didn't like that at all. It's like my trip intensified 10x after I had puked. I got into bed, colours flying all over the walls. I felt things crawling up my legs but reasoned with myself it was just my sheets. I tried to keep calm and ride it out, telling myself that fighting it will only make things worse. I knew I was in this for at least 6 hours, so I tried my best to bring myself back to a happy place ... it wasn't working. <br> <br> All I could think about is 'what have you done to yourself? why did you do this the night before thanksgiving? what kind of a drugged out loser does this kind of shit to themselves?'. It was just an endless cycle of that. I jump out of bed and run to my computer. I go to google and type in 'how to stop an lsd trip help me'. I can't even read the words on the screen. I don't know what happened. Maybe it was because I was in such a panic at the time, I have no clue. But it just made no sense to me why I couldn't read simple english words. I had been able to read them my whole life and now all of a sudden I'm no longer literate? At this point I thought I had lost my mind. I was convinced I had gone too far and had permanently wrecked my mind with the drugs I had taken. My mind filled with the voices of my friends and family saying things like 'i told you this would happen' 'why would you do this' 'you idiot' 'you're fucked now'. I pictured myself in a mental institution, locked away from society. My name and face in the paper with the headline: local teen perma-fried. I tried my best to keep my mind off this topic, telling myself everything will be fine it's just a drug and when it wears off you'll go back to normal... but in the back of my mind I KNEW I was lying to myself. <br> <br> I spent what felt like hours trying to calm down. I browsed my favourite sites, justin.tv and youtube. I opened up a stream on justin.tv and saw a guy playing some sort of really fucked up computer game. Everyone was half naked and having sex and there were random things bouncing around... it was nothing that looked familiar to me and this really freaked me out because I didnt know if this was real or I was just imagining this. I looked at the stream's chat and everyone was extremely negative. Saying things like 'go kill yourself faggot'. <br> <br> This really got to me. I kept picturing myself slitting my arms and chopping off my fingers. I couldn't get it out of my head. I was really worried I would actually do the stuff I was thinking... so much so that I had to go grab a pen and paper and write down 'do not hurt yourself!'. It seemed to help so I stuck it infront of my screen so I couldn't look away from it. I went back to looking up how to stop my trip, even thought I knew there was nothing I could do. I guess I got some sort of comfort out of trying. My thoughts only got worse and worse. I was still convinced I had lost my mind and there was no coming back, and that it was not safe for me to be alone as I might hurt myself for whatever reason. I was pacing back and forth in my room for at least 15 minutes just talking to myself. I looked at my clock and it was only 12:45AM. This blew my fucking mind because I thought it would be at least 3AM. That really discouraged me. I knew I was going to be triping for a very long time and if it was going this slow, it was going to be a nightmare. <br> <br> The same process repeated itself. Me thinking I had lost my mind, pacing in my room, telling myself I'd be okay but actually thinking the complete opposite of that. It was now 1:30AM and I had had enough of this. I decided my only option was to go outside. My reasoning was nature would calm me down, I would be okay once I was away from my room. In my state I couldn't really feel my body all that well. I was constantly on tippy-toes and flexing my muscles. The idea of going outside and being okay sparked something in my mind. I started to feel better, no, I felt amazing. I was in a god-like state now. I was untouchable. <br> <br> I sprinted upstairs barefoot and in pyjama pants. I decided to leave my shoes because I simply didn't need such things. Why would someone who is untouchable need shoes to protect their feet or a jacket to keep them warm? In my mind I pictured mountain lions ripping at my flesh, me laying on the ground unaffedted, immortal. I felt such a rush of power, like nothing I had ever felt before, something stimulants and other drugs simply couldn't even touch. I wrote a letter to my family telling them exactly what I had taken and what had happened. I told them I would leave them in peace for thanksgiving, and that I was sorry I had done this. My plan was to leave the house and go somewhere for 24 hours to see if I had lost my mind or not. If I did, I would live the rest of my life in isolation. I know how stupid that is but that's what I thought my options were. <br> <br> I got outside. It was dark but I could see just fine. Colours filled my vision. I live in a quiet little neighbourhood. Mostly older couples with very young children. There's a railroad behind my house that passes through a forested area. I decided I would head for that. I was walking very slowly, like a cat burglar.I could feel the cold cement against my feet with every step. It felt amazing. The feeling rippled through my legs and out of my fingers. I was one with the ground I was walking on. I got to the fence and jumped over it with ease. I had the prowess of a tiger, I felt like I could do just about anything. I finally got the the forest. I found a small clearing and sat down cross legged. <br> <br> I stared at the sky and the trees and felt the wind on my face. It was amazing. All my senses were boosted. Sight, smell, sound, touch, and taste. I cleared my mind and closed my eyes. I saw picture perfect images of anything I wanted. I could think of something and there it was. It was astonishing. I had never experienced anything like this before. I wanted to tell the world how amazing this was. I thought about running to my friends house and waking him to tell him about my experience, but quickly realized how bad that idea was. I then realized I had left a note to my family describing in great detail what I had done... oh shit. I need to get home. I shoudn't be outside in my pyjamas with no shoes on in the fucking forest. I jump up and run home. I don't know how long I spent in that forest but it was starting to get light out now. <br> <br> I get home to find my mother there. She's read my letter and actually isn't reacting that bad. She's mad that I left the house and tells me how stupid/dangerous it was to go out in such a state. I'm amazed that she isn't freaking out right now. Images of my childhood flash in my head, me as a baby, as a child at the zoo, my mother caring for me. Im flooded with emotions and mostly the feeling of love. I tell my mom I love her and give her a big hug. <br> <br> The next 30 minutes or so is spent sitting on the couch talking to my mom. I'm ranting about how money isn't really real, we just chose to believe in it. Time isn't real either, it's all just an illusion. Everything in the world is love, we are all connected. We are all just a mass spirit system. Death is nothing. At this point my mom is starting to get freaked out. I thought our conversation was going great but she's starting to see just how far gone I am. My step dad wakes up. This is where it starts to get bad. He storms downstairs and my mom tells him what I've done. I can see it in his face. Pure disgust. I can see him judging me, wishing I wasn't around. I can hear it in his tone as he talks to me. It eats away at me like maggots on a corpse. I try to put it at the back of my mind. I turn on the T.V and flip through the channels. At that moment something switched in my mind. I unlocked something. Just like the T.V changing channels, so could my mind. <br> <br> I closed my eyes and flipped channels. Opened my eyes and I was somewhere else. It was unreal. I never imagined this could happen. I had read and heard about people tripping and seeing full on hallucinations but thought they might be exaggerating. Nope. This was real. I was teleporting all around the world with the bat of an eyelash. While I was doing this apparently my eyes had rolled back in my head and I had fallen to the ground. I don't remember any of this, just teleporting to different places all over the world. I was having a wonderful time. I switch channels back to reality, I see my mom holding me and singing amazing grace. This sort of chanting puts me into an almost shamanic trance. Her voice multiplied in my head and took over everything. I could hear a high pitched chime in the background that got louder and louder and eventually 'broke' my mind. It's really hard to explain, but that's the best way I can describe it. <br> <br> Now everything is quiet, my mom is saying things like 'ok just be quiet you'll be alright'. I try to be quiet, but something isn't right. I have a feeling of pure anger and hate inside me. I'm seeing blown up babies, burned women and children, chopped up people, rapes, wars. Everything bad in the world is coming at me right now. I can feel the pain of every human being on this planet. I'm reminded of what I earned about buddhism, the noble truth that life means suffering. I'm overwhelmed at this point. I dont have my eyes open and I don't remember much but I'm told that I flung myself onto the table where I landed onto a drinking glass and smashed it. This really scares me because that could have killed me... luckily I didn't get cut by the glass. This is really out of the ordinary because up until this point I've never been out of control like this. Not even overly drunk. I'm usually very good at that. Well my step dad had had enough and he phones the paramedics to get me. <br> <br> On the phone I guess they heard me screaming in the background and because of that they had to bring the police as well. Well I had no idea this was happening so out of nowhere a bunch of cops and paramedics walk in and it's just the ultimate mind fuck. I can't describe what I felt at this time. It was basically a confirmation that everything I was experiencing was just in my mind, because why else would a bunch of cops and paramedics be in my house? With this 'knowledge' that it was all a dream and I was really not in any trouble at all I felt fucking fantastic once again. Now it was all a game. I had unlocked some sort of cheat code for my mind. They strapped me to the trolley and wheeled me out to the ambulance. I remember the ride in the trolley. It was unreal. I felt like I was dead. Like I was a corpse in a coffin being carried to their grave. Inside the ambulance I was just fucking with them because I thought it wasn't real. I kept asking them where we were going (obviously not the hospital because this was in my mind). I was convinced we were going to Egypt. I was so excited! I've always wanted to see Egypt. I told them all how amazing it was going to be and how I couldn't wait till we got there. They played along and told me we'd get there soon. <br> <br> Now I'm in the hospital, and I realize I have cuffs on. Not only that but they are really tight and hurt. Quickly I see that this is real, and I'm handcuffed, naked, and tied to a bed. What happened to me? I quickly change my tone from happy go lucky to 'wtf is going on?'. The nurses don't pay much attention to me. They say the cuffs are for my safety. I plead with them and tell them how I would never hurt anyone. This continues for a long time. They stick a urinary catheter in me (ouch) and pump something into my blood with an IV. Now I feel like shit. I'm so tired, my muscles ache, and I can;t sleep. I'm still tripping really hard. I can see waves of colour flowing across the hospital sheets and morphing of the walls. My mom and step dad come to see me. They're really shaken and tell me what I've done. I'm extremely embarassed and sorry this happened... I'm told I have to talk to a psychologist before I'm allowed to leave. We talk, everything checks out, I leave at 7AM. I got no sleep that day, and stayed up to eat dinner with the family. We don't tell anyone what happened, only my mom and step dad know. It hurts when I lift my arms. I have deep purple bruises all over my arms, neck, ribs, back, and stomach. <br> <br> I haven't touched any psychedelic since that experience and doubt I will for a long time. It really opened my eyes. I thought I knew what I was getting into but I really didn't. I made lots of mistakes that night. Number one being taking it the day I did. I was not in the right mindset and it was almost 100% that it would turn into a bad trip. Second mistake was tripping alone. I think if I had a friend with me this could have all been avoided. My parents didn't know about my drug use before this. They thought I only smoked pot once a week. I told them I only took 2 hits of acid and it was my first time doing it. I have only told one of my friends about this experience and don't plan on telling anyone else because it's pretty embarassing. I guess I'm just posting this because it's an interesting story and it's nice to get it off my chest/talk about it? If you read this whole thing, bravo.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 95024</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 8, 2013</td><td>Views: 44,015</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=95024&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=95024&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Mushrooms (39), LSD (2) : Hospital (36), Overdose (29), Bad Trips (6)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:45</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 6:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">170 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> How we decided to try LSD or the first time was both interesting and unexpected. Having recently discovered MDMA, my best friend decided to accompany some of his friends to a European electro festival where, he told me, he had been invited to try LSD. Given my 'knowledge' of LSD at the time I was afraid that he might just do something as silly as try it. What did that knowledge consist of? Well, the typical media lies: <br> <br> Persistent perceptual changes <br> No insight into being on a substance and, therefore, an inability to make smart decisions on LSD <br> Horrible acid flashes with demonic figures dancing across your visual field (especially at moments when you most needed to focus and concentrate) <br> The burning of holes into ones brain, holes that fill with acid that periodically burn bigger holes (and thereby cause said acid flashes) <br> <br> The wealth of misinformation that exists is extensive and, as far as I can tell, a terrible ploy to prevent people from exploring the inner workings of their minds and the outer edges of what is possible. Harm reduction and safe tripping seems wholly better than a generation of liars leading a generation of lied-to. <br> <br> Anyway, my own pursuit of psychiatry had lead me to learn about experiments using various psychoactive substances for the treatment of certain conditions. MDMA was being explored for its utility in treating death-anxiety and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Interestingly, prior to the development of MDMA, LSD had featured prominently in psychotherapy for much the same reason - it enabled the user to tap into his or her inner mind and emerge with new insight into the origin of problems. Thankfully, the organization which orchestrated much of this research and reported on it had resources for the interested consumer to peruse. <br> <br> Out of curiosity, I downloaded and read the personal account written by a prominent psychiatrist from the 1970s about his LSD trip experienced as part of a training session while preparing to perform LSD psychotherapy. My eyes were opened. A psychiatrist took the stuff? Believed in it? Lived to tell the tale? Huh. <br> <br> The website had a well researched and composed document outlining the pharmacology of LSD as well as its physical and psychological effects. The media lies were exposed. LSD is merely a serotonin agonist, much like many of the drugs used in the medical world. My fear evaporated. <br> <br> I contacted my friend and told him I wanted to know what it would be like to see sounds and hear colors, to hallucinate and explore the edges of the universe and to challenge the 'realities' we accept blankly. We picked a weekend following my exams where life would be devoid of stress and we started to plan. <br> <br> At first we were unsure whether or not we'd have our first psychedelic experience with mushrooms or LSD - but reading a host of internet forums lead us to one major conclusion: people seemed to believe that despite being a markedly longer trip, LSD was more mellow and therefore harder to have a bad trip on. As we were both keen on avoiding a bad trip we decided to skip the mushrooms and go straight for the LSD. <br> <br> The night before we dropped the acid we had a wonderful dinner with my family and then retreated to my house in a small community 45 minutes from the city. Arriving there we immediately noted the peace and tranquility which bathed our surroundings. We'd brought with us comfortable clothes, arts and craft supplies, and a glass globe with an electrical component at its centre which caused purple beams of light to radiate from the middle towards the glass surrounding the electrical component (if you can't visualize that I apologize for my poor descriptive writing). We had a quarter ounce of cannabis, 4 pills of MDMA and 2 tabs of acid. <br> <br> That night we smoked a joint together. I typically don't smoke pot with anyone except this particular friend I was with, my best friend, because of its tendency to induce paranoia and self-reproach in me - things I can easily do without. Marijuana, while helping me have some deep thoughts, also makes me doubt myself, my relationships and my surroundings. It makes me go, as my friend and I say, 'into my head.' That night was no exception. <br> <br> Some wonderful experiences were had while stoned, but by the end of the night I was questioning my productivity, I was questioning the extent to which drugs had secretly taken over my life, I was questioning my career choices and I was definitely questioning whether or not I would stick to the plan and take LSD the next day. <br> <br> As awful as this sounds, it actually had a wonderful repercussion. The day after I smoke pot I tend to have relinquished much of the negative cognitions I experienced the day before, but I have a certain 'brain fuzz' that lingers. That day, again, was no exception. I was able to think more clearly and I was able to come to grips with most of what had happened. But two issues remained. <br> <br> 1. I had been unable to express to my best friend and confidante what I was struggling with the night before - choosing rather to remain silent and not bring down his high. <br> 2. I was experiencing insecurities regarding my recently started relationship with the most amazing girl I know. <br> <br> I told my friend about what had happened the night before and, in his usual supportive way, he told me that we wouldn't go ahead with our trip unless my mind was in the right place. Simply knowing that we could abort this plan at any point helped me realize that I was in control of my drug experiences, not the other way around. To ensure that any issues that arose were discussed we made a fluorescent multicoloured sign and stuck it to the TV screen where it would be unmissable. The sign read: <br> <br> If you have a problem... <br> JUST SAY SO <br> <br> If you think there's a problem... <br> JUST ASK <br> <br> LLP (Life loving people) <br> <br> The beauty of this was the we had instituted a rule whereby openness and honesty were to be employed and respected, and as much as they were before, it was now a stated necessity. <br> <br> Moments before dropping, my friend employed the rule and told me he sensed that I was off. I told him about issue #2 (above) and, with his usual brilliance and insight, he told me to call my girlfriend. I did so. I told her openly about my feelings of vulnerability with her, that if I lost her I could no longer brush it off, that I would be devastated. She reassured me in the most honest way possible. Her words alone sent me to the moon. I smiled. My anxiety faded. I met my friend in my living room and we got ready for our adventure. <br> <br> The acid tabs we had were much smaller than I was expecting. About 5mm x 5mm each, and they weren't paper thin as I'd imagined, but were rather about 1mm thick. As I said, there were two of them. Not knowing how potent they were, my friend and I had agreed to start out with a half tab each, to wait 2 hours (as we'd been lead to believe the trip would last 12 hours) and then take the other half if we felt we could handle it. <br> <br> One. Two. Three. And down the rabbit hole we jumped, hoping we'd meet Alice and her companions down below. The effects kicked in much faster than either my friend or I were expecting. In about 15 minutes we both felt 'something.' It's hard to pinpoint exactly what it was, but we were certainly not sober. The come on, as we'd been promised by another friend who had taken the same LSD, was wonderfully smooth, with very gradual peaking. <br> <br> The trip can probably be divided into three major parts, at least from my standpoint. <br> <br> Part 1 - Energy and Exploration <br> <br> To start off with my friend and I decided to just hang out inside my house. We put on the electro music we love and found that within minutes we were dancing. The lightness of my feet was extraordinary and I felt light as a pixie dancing in an open meadow. I felt calm, relaxed, mellow, free and wanted nothing more than to dance. All of a sudden there was a wonderful experience of patterns and detail. I can hardly say that I stood in one spot staring at a single picture or painting on my wall, agasp and mesmerized, but I did notice intricacies of sound and sight. I felt my couch and was astonished at its softness, my friend sat down on the couch and I surrounded him with pillows telling him to feel the warm embrace of the couch. He did and he loved it. Then he discovered the carpet and starred at it's fine hairy detail and watched it pulsate with waveforms. At the same time I lay on my back and looked at my ceiling. Nine months I'd lived in this house and never had I taken the time to stop and notice the beautiful detail in the ceiling where blobs and streaks of white paint textured it and enabled the light to change it's appearance throughout the day. What a waste to have never noticed that. <br> <br> Looking at another wall in my house I noticed that the light refracting around it caused three distinct layers of shadow to appear, how marvellous that the interaction between light and drywall could create such art. I pointed it out to my friend. He noted it too, we marvelled at it, we delighted in it and once again we danced to the music that was playing. <br> <br> Then a song came on; a song that my friend said was 'transformative.' I'd never heard it before. I danced freely and wildly enjoying the subtleties of the sound emerging from my speakers. My friend started to dance, but danced slower... and slower... and slower... then stopped. <br> <br> 'Something is wrong,' he said. 'YES!' I thought! The rule was working. I smiled and asked him what was wrong. 'My energy isn't where it should be.' I took two pillows off of the couch and laid them on the floor, I invited my friend to sit on one, while I sat on the other. Cross legged we faced one another and I encouraged my friend to explore where his energy was. We pondered and delved into the factors affecting our set and setting and suddenly it dawned on me. My friend had made an association with this song previously, in a different set. It had been transformative then, but now it was a song that held meaning in a different time and place, it wasn't meant to be played here, it wasn't the same song in this new mindstate, in this new place, with a different person. I suggested changing the song and my friend agreed. Within seconds his soul lifted, he smiled, he said: 'Oh yeah! I'm back!' And we danced some more. <br> <br> We had instituted a no-cell-phone policy for the day, not wanting to be lost to text and phone calls, but somehow both of our phones had turned on. When my friend looked at his he had a missed call from a friend who we'd helped the night before prior to dinner. My phone revealed a missed call as well. We decided it wasn't our responsibility to help this person and we planned to leave for a walk. <br> <br> 'Something is wrong,' I said, moments before leaving. The pillows were once again placed on the floor. Once again we sat on them, legs crossed. And once again we explored the avenues of thought that were leading to wrongness. It's important to note, that in all of this 'wrongness' there was nothing 'negative' felt. Everything was mellow and everything was positive, there were just nuances that instilled a certain wrongness that could be explored, dealt with and eliminated. <br> <br> 'I would hate to be in her position without someone to talk to. What does it mean if we don't provide assistance when we can?' We explored our options, carefully, every avenue discussed and brought to a logical conclusion that satisfied our souls that we'd done our due diligence to see the truth of our options. We decided to call our friend, to give her a set amount of time to unload her emotions if needed, or to advise her to call the police if things were a real problem. Another text message arrived on my friend's phone as we were about to call and we knew that the situation wasn't urgent, didn't warrant the potential mind fuck that could come out of a non-desperate situation painted as desperate; and we were at ease to continue with our own exploration. <br> <br> At this point it was about 1 hour 45 minutes into the trip. It was wonderful. The liberation and depth of thought, the energy and activation, the honesty and truth, these are what life is full of, these are what people try to suppress so that we conform to a rigid world without color, where black is black and white is white. We decided we were ready and dropped the other half tab of LSD each. <br> <br> We left on our walk with two goals in mind: 1) Glow sticks from the dollar store 2) food. <br> <br> The detail which I mentioned we'd noted in the house was something we continued to notice in the outside world. I was wearing flip-flops and as I walked over a small patch of snow, some of the icy crystals melted on my toe. The intensity of the cold was profound, but the connection it made me feel to both my senses and the world around me trumped the discomfort of the cold. I drank in the sensation and told my friend of it. He had just had the same experience with the wind on his face. I noticed things I'd never noticed before on a street I'd driven down hundreds of times. A flag blowing above a garage, the smiles of the cars that were parked along its length, the sharp angles of the trees, the interplay between light and darkness. Walking past another patch of ice my friend stopped to admire a crack in its thickness and a tiny trickle of water that rushed down a rough trough carved in the ice. How did so many patterns and wonderful sights exist on such a short street? <br> <br> Interestingly, we'd walked down the same street the night before while stoned on the cannabis we smoked, but then the street seemed unusually long. It was new in it's length, it made me realize that I'd never really focused on it as I drove up and down it, but because I was 'in my head' I wasn't on the street noticing its beauty. But now, now I was soaking it all in. <br> <br> Cars drove by us and we felt at ease. If people wanted to approach us we'd speak to them, where the night before we'd have run. We could't stop smiling and my friend pointed this out. Trying to frown engendered fits of laughter, focusing on the smile made us aware of the tension in our muscles that were so purposefully pulling up the corners of our lips. Unable to stop smiling we passed a family, a beautiful family unit as they walked by us. We wondered if they thought we were high, we didn't care, we just wondered. A police car drove by us, we noted how attractive the female officer was, she wasn't scary. We thought of Hunter S Thompson. We laughed and marched on. <br> <br> Prior to entering the pizza shop we noted an incredible aspect of the LSD trip - we retained an incredible ability to ground ourselves if needed. We could pull ourselves together for long enough to make it through a normal interaction - this was interesting because it combatted the idea that making decisions was impossible on LSD. More media lies. We mustered some composure, ordered pizza and proceeded to sit on the sidewalk outside the shop for the 15 minutes required until the food was ready. <br> <br> At this point I had not experienced any real visuals, anything unusual - I'd merely paid attention to detail. My friend is much much smaller than I am and metabolizes drugs incredibly differently to me. In his body they seem to have a much faster onset and a much longer effect when we take the same dose. Accordingly, he'd been reporting seeing things move for about an hour. Sitting outside the pizza shop was no exception. He watched the parking lot pavement pulsate, he watched light posts bend and sway. I saw none of this. Together we saw a most beautiful flock of (real) birds swirl through the sky and rejoiced in the coming spring. We spoke about our readiness to take LSD, about how hallucinations could be terrifying for people who <i>needed</i> their world to have rules or order, who needed black to be black and white to be white. We acknowledged our readiness to have black sometimes be white, to have white sometimes be black and to have a grey zone in the middle that was every shade of purple. It was our place and time in life, the confidence we had in our existence and path that allowed us to have such a mesmerizing experience with LSD and to accept its insights and breaking of the rules. 'Who,' we wondered, 'could ever say that what we were experiencing was bad?' <br> <br> The pizza shop employees, having recognized our comfort on the sidewalk, were kind enough to bring our pizza out to us rather than waiting for us to go back into the shop for it. We thanked them profusely, inspired by their kindness. <br> <br> As we walked home I began to wonder about the interactions between all things. How was it that objects maintained distinct forms? How was it that objects interacted? Gravity doesn't simply act between the earth and objects on the planet, but a gravitational force exists between everything. Between the parking lot and my sandal, between my sandal and my foot, between me and the tree 5 feet away from me. I told me friend about this, and we smiled at the way that we were connected to every object around us, to one another, to everyone. The air is filled with molecules with which we interact. We batted our hands in the air trying to feel the molecules we were hitting, wishing we could, being unable to, but knowing they were there. I consider myself an atheist, I don't believe in an all powerful deity ruling over the world. I'm a man of science, and I believe that life happens, and that upon death there is also decay. Our bodies decompose, the molecular components are recycled. This didn't change with LSD, but I admitted to my friend, for the first time in forever that I did believe in interconnection between all things - not godliness or spirituality, for the terms have been usurped by religions, but just an interconnectedness. And right then I felt connected. <br> <br> Part 2 - Emotions and Engagement <br> <br> We got back into the house, the warmth like a heartfelt embrace. My friend was famished and sat down to eat immediately. I couldn't fathom the idea of food and somehow wound up on the ground in fits of hysterical laughter. I'm a person who likes to have fun no doubt, but I'm prone to about 4 to 6 real laughing fits a year. This was the second of 2012, and by far the most powerful. What a release to laugh, what a rush. My friend joined. Where would we go next! <br> <br> At some point the music came back on. We stood with our backs to the wall and felt the bass reverberate through our bodies. But I couldn't be contained by the wall. I danced. <br> <br> In order to further warm up, my friend and I decided to make tea. We systematically smelled each and every flavour of tea I had in my place. I chose my flavour, he chose his. We boiled the kettle, made the tea. I can't remember when the empathy and hugging began, but, if it had been prior, it hadn't been as profound as when the tea was made. I sipped mine, it was good, but not spectacular. I wanted to taste my friends. His was spectacular. I encouraged him to taste mine. He loved it. He loved it so much that he refused to take it when I offered it to him, he wanted me to enjoy what I had created. I told him the truth, that I wanted to trade because I preferred his. He preferred mine. We exchanged cups. We smiled. We'd exchanged for the better, but not only for our own better, but for the better of the other. What reciprocity! <br> <br> We sat in the living room and I reminded my friend that he had told me he had two gifts for me this weekend that he'd told me about. One was intangible and had been given to me the night before - it was LOVE rolled into the joint he'd made (that's not a drug reference, he simply meant that he'd rolled the joint with love in his heart). The other was tangible and he gave it to me now. <br> <br> In December 2011 this same friend and I had gone on an epic road trip through the southern United States. On a highway in Mississippi he'd asked me to stop the car suddenly. He opened his door, stuck his hand out of the car and picked up a rock. How many times had it been driven over, how many times had someone thought to stop and touch it, feel it, connect with it? He had this rock now. He gave it to me. He told me to have it. We agreed that the first one of us to die one day would be buried with the rock. I was humbled. Humbled that he still had the rock. Humbled that it meant so much to him. Humbled that despite that, it was a gift for me. Humbled that it would go to the grave. <br> <br> Eating his pizza my friend decided he wanted vegetables. I had some red peppers in the fridge and went to the kitchen to get one. My friend joined me in the kitchen and stood against the counter staring at the floor. He asked if I could see it moving. I couldn't. He insisted I look harder. I looked harder. I fixed my gaze. The linoleum began to shimmer and shine, the triangles of its pattern began to glimmer and vibrate. And suddenly, in a single moment the floor began to undulate. Distinct waveforms were occurring. They were going from side to side, and they were going back and forward. 'YES!' I cried, 'I see it!' <br> <br> Elated for me, and excited that I could share in his visuals, my friend turned to me, hugged me as I watched the floor wave on. What an embrace, it was so selfless, it wasn't for his joy or pleasure, it was because of my ability to enjoy something he'd seen and marveled in. 'That's what I've been seeing for over an hour! Isn't it incredible?' I agreed, how could I not, the rules of straight lines and solid floors were malleable - nothing is what it seems or as static as we are told it ought to be. <br> <br> Next we decided to have 4 water experiences. We were going to drink water out of a glass, out of a pitcher, out of a water bottle and through a straw - I wondered if each would be different. But before we started my friend added a fifth water experience. He grabbed another red pepper, cut off the top and filled the bottom half with water. He invited me to take a sip. It was the most incredible water I'd ever had. The intensity of the smell upon bringing my nose to the pepper was wonderful. The naturalness of the flavour was heavenly - if only all water could taste like this. I closed my eyes and sipped and was immediately surrounded by green. It's difficult to explain the extent of that green, because although my eyes were closed, the color was not merely in my minds eye. I saw myself as a small person on a red platform, surrounded extensively and on all sides by a deep natural green. The moment the sip was over, and the moment I opened my eyes the color faded. I pushed the pepper into my friend's hand and told him to experience the same. <br> <br> Something we noticed about the LSD trip to this point was that it had taken us places we never could have imagined we'd go. This wasn't just like getting stoned on pot with silliness and, in my case, paranoia. This wasn't like getting sluggish and uninhibited with alcohol. This wasn't a simple empathic euphoria like MDMA. While we had been embraced by a myriad positive experiences to this point and a paucity of negative experiences, we hadn't expected some of the thought experiments, visuals, and intensity of detail and emotion that we'd experienced thus far. <br> <br> I mention this because shortly after the pepper experience we both seemed to come down a little, and wondered if the trip was ending. I turned to my friend and said: 'who knows where we'll go next.' <br> <br> There was no way we could have known. <br> <br> Less than a week before this experience I was accepted to a training program in a city that isn't my home city. It will be away from my family and friends. I'm excited for it, but I had been living with a certain denial of the reality of leaving my loved ones behind. My friend had alluded earlier in the night to the fact that it would be hard when I left. We tried to brush this aside, not wanting to introduce the potentially painful reality of this transition into our trip. But in accord with our sign, issues had to be dealt with. I expressed to my friend that his friendship over the last 3 years had been transformative in my life, that the only reason it was going to be hard to say goodbye was because something valuable had happened. I told him I knew we'd be friends for eternity, that this was being solidified today. I told him we were freer people having had friends like this in our lives. I brought myself out of that denial of leaving - or so I thought. <br> <br> I can't remember the actual sequence of events which lead to me bringing a scented candle and scented oil diffuser kit into the living room, but at some point I did. These had been a gift from my sister, my best friend. When my girlfriend had been in town a few weeks previously, I mentioned to my sister that I wanted to borrow her scented candles for the weekend for my girlfriend and I. She refused to let me have her big ones, and opted to give me a few scented tea lights. A week later when I saw my sister she had the kit which I now took into my living room waiting at her house for me. How kind, how sweet, how selfless. <br> <br> I took the candle out of the box, I took the diffuser kit out of the box. I told my friend where they'd come from. And suddenly I felt a sharpness in my throat. I looked at the diffuser kit and said to my friend: 'I'm not going to open this, I'm going to save it for my new house, so that my sister can always be with me.' He said that sounded perfect. I said I'd light the candle. We opened the diffuser bottle with the oil in it to see what it smelled like. The scent was as powerful as the emotion that it brought out. I was so blessed to have a sister like her, so blessed to have her love and her kindness, so blessed to be cared for and appreciated by that amazing girl. I tried to hold back the tears. I tried because I didn't want to face the reality of moving away yet. But it was impossible. <br> <br> In a flash I was a crying mess, I was, as my friend later put it, breaking up (not down). He checked that my tears were of joy and not sadness, and I assured him they were. In respect for that my friend backed off to a couch and let me have my thoughts and tears. I asked for permission to break the no-cellphone policy and call my sister. Without hesitation my friend agreed. <br> <br> Hearing my sisters voice and being able to express my emotions to her was a validation like I haven't had in ages. The tears were such a reprieve, the joy that followed immeasurable. I felt as though mother earth had bathed me in the purest fountain and I felt an inner peace and tranquility like I haven't felt for ages. All the while, my friend sat on a couch across the room watching the interaction, he teared with me. I was honoured that he could witness that. Very few of my friends have ever seen me break up like that, I think all of them have been girls but this was different, this established a bond the likes of which my friend and I had the potential for, but had never established. <br> <br> My friend wanted to share the experience and told me that he was unsure what it was that would let him release. It took a while to be able to find the release, but we did nonetheless. It related to him being from out of town and missing his family, wanting them to know that he loved them, being amazed at what incredible people they were. I told him it was okay to cry, okay to miss them, okay to break up. Between fits of laughter and half tears we weren't sure what was going to happen. But the the flood gates opened and my friend lay on the floor crying as well. Being on LSD he couldn't exactly call his family at the time (my sister knew we were tripping that day, so I could call her without worry), but he cried. Earlier in our friendship this same friend had told me about a time in his undergraduate degree when he had been having a hard time and had been invited to spend the night at a friends place where they shared a bed and were just there for one another. I knew that that experience had meant the world to my friend and I had always wanted to have something similar, to solidify the depth of our friendship. As he lay crying on the ground, I put my arm around him, my other arm on his head and told him that it was okay, to let it out. He did. I cried with him, understanding the power of his emotion. The connection established at that moment was unlike any I'd had with a friend prior and transformative. There was now <i>nothing</i> that my friend and I couldn't say or do in front of one another, nothing at all - we'd transcended the limits of possibility and had gotten so much closer in the depths of the rabbit hole. <br> <br> Part 3 - Exhaustion and Endings <br> <br> It was difficult to transition from this deeply emotional state to one of mellowness and ease. The intensity of emotion, while being positive, had also been just that - particularly intense. The heat of the house was becoming oppressive and we began to question whether or not we were still having fun on this trip, not in a negative way, but in a curious way. <br> <br> We decided to go for a cigarette, and from there on another walk to buy cold drinks. The walk, while refreshing was, unlike the one before, tiring and long. I continued to question whether or not my friend was still enjoying the trip, really wanting him to be, but realizing that the more I agonized over this the less I was enjoying it. This isn't to say that I wasn't enjoying it, just that there was 'something wrong' because of my wondering. Almost at the store we lay down on the ground. The crisp grass felt amazing on my body and the still night sky felt just as refreshing. I decided that I needed to lay down when we got home, not to sleep, but just to stop moving. Our minds had been moving at a mile a minute for about 5 hours now and our bodies hadn't ceased either - a rest seemed like a good idea. <br> <br> We bought our drinks and made the agonizingly long walk home. Reaching home I put on socks and shoes, got a blanket and moved to the backyard with my friend. I had a profound sense of akathisia (sensations of inter restlessness) at this point which was problematic because moving was exhausting, but laying down left me too still. I tried to focus on the sky with some success. I marveled at a tree which, bathed in light, seemed like it was covered in glass or crystals. I was mesmerized by a flock of white birds which glittered in the moon light and danced through the sky. <br> <br> In the backyard my friend and I explored the definitions of mental health and objective reality. He got scared when he recounted a story from work, wherein a young man with psychosis told my friend about his hallucinations of an amish girl he saw at night, black holes for eyes, blood coming from various orifices when he looked closely. I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to get the image out of my mind. Just then the gate of the back yard, which we'd walked through earlier in the night, creaked open and swung shut again. There was an eerie feeling of being in a true horror film. I advocated for my friend and I to leave and go back inside the house, but he said something amazing: 'We know it's just a gate, we know nothing bad can happen...let's challenge the fear.' <br> <br> The profundity of that statement may seem benign, but given the intensity of the LSD emotions it was an incredible challenge to face the fear and an incredible reward to surmount it. As the fear faded my friend and I smiled at our success. We retreated inside not because of fear, but because of the cold. We had been successful. <br> <br> At this point we were exhausted, it was about 10 at night and the trip had been 6 hours long at this point. We went inside the house, played some more music and covered the living room floor in brightly colored towels. My friend feel in love with the pattern of one towel and expressed a desire to have one like it. I offered him the same one he grew to love. He smiled, asked if I was sure. How could I not share what I had with someone who'd gone down the rabbit hole with me, with someone I'd cried with as such. We embraced. <br> <br> We made tea again, and I had one piece of the pizza (that was all the food I ate that day, the stimulant effect of the LSD acting as an anorexic and eliminating any hunger). We settled on the couch to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. It was exactly the relaxing activity we both needed, to be entertained and to no longer be entertaining ourselves and one another. <br> <br> At 10:30 we were confident the trip was over and we decided to take a half capsule of MDMA each. What followed is part of a different story, as the MDMA experience seemed distinct from the LSD trip. Needless to say, however, the empathy wrought by the MDMA was that much more powerful between my friend and I given the depth of friendship we'd built over the day. <br> <br> In all, this trip was incredible. It was deep, profound, inspiring and moving. We gained appreciation for detail and the connectedness of the world. We recognized the way in which every moment exists for both a moment and forever, how missing a moment means potentially missing a lifetime of memories and moments, how appreciating life for every moment enables one to live forever. We saw the floor move and saw the freedom in breaking the linear rules of the world. We had been free and had transcended the bounds of the possible and of reality. But most importantly, we had done it together, we had tripped as friends and emerged as something higher than friends. <br> <br> I'm writing this two days after the trip and I have yet to truly see how this trip will integrate itself into my life and to see what longstanding changes it will make. I didn't appreciate the impact of MDMA in my life until a good week or so after taking it and so I harbour no delusions to fully understand the power of our experience yet, but I have no doubt that it was for the better and will ultimately give me insight into my life, my world and my friendships that I would have never gained without that tiny piece of paper covered in LSD. <br> <br> I will say that the trip was <i>far</i> less visual that I understood LSD to be, perhaps it was the quality, perhaps it was the quantity or perhaps my understanding of the visuals is misguided due to the aforementioned media lies. All I know is that visual or not, LSD is an incredible substance that entices the user to explore the true workings of his or her mind, body and soul, makes lies impossible and makes truth beautiful. Perhaps this is only because, as I said before, my friend and I were ready for the trip. Perhaps (or, likely) the substance is horridly scary for those unable to face their inner truths - but that something as insight provoking as LSD is considered 'wrong' is perhaps one of the wrongest things I can fathom. <br> <br> It brought me joy and tears and depth and insight that, while being unsure of their permanent impact, I will never soon forget. <br> <br> Thank you Albert Hoffman. Thank you to my friend - that truly was the trip of a lifetime. Holy is our friendship.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 95292</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 26</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 18, 2013</td><td>Views: 30,029</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=95292&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=95292&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 11:15</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">66 ug</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> [Erowid Note: This is an early self-report of the use of LSD from Myron Stolaroff's papers collected and scanned as part of Erowid's Stolaroff Collection. You can view the original as a <a href="/archive/stolaroff/stolaroff_collection__sc1294-P.pdf">scanned PDF</a> that includes two type-written drafts, attached together, with some hand-written edits in the second draft. <br> <br> The report demonstrates some of Myron's self-characterized 'neuroticism', which he later describes in detail in his writings. Although a little long and personal, it is interesting as a historical document of early LSD use intentionally for spiritual and psychological development. In his book <a href="/library/books/thanatos_to.shtml">Thanatos to Eros</a>, Myron mentions that the dose is 66 micrograms. ] <br> <br> <div class="image-surround"><table><tr><td> <br> <a href="/archive/stolaroff/stolaroff_collection__sc1294-P.pdf"><img src="/images/display/experiences/images/reports/exp-99779-page1_med.jpg" width="150" class="image"> <br> <img src="/images/display/experiences/images/reports/exp-99779-page6-edited_med.jpg" width="150" class="image"></a> <br> </td></tr></table></div><!-- end image-surround --> <br> <br> <br> 15 May 1956 <br> <br> REPORT OF SESSION OF M. J. STOLAROFF, 16 APRIL 1956. <br> <br> <br> Description of Subject: <br> Born Roswell, New Mexico, August 20, 1920. Married, two children. <br> <br> Education: <br> Roswell High School, New Mexico Military Institute, Stanford University. Obtained A.B. In Electrical Engineering and M.A in Electrical Engineering. <br> <br> Employment: <br> War years with Navy Department, Bureau of Ships, as Civilian Engineer. Subsequently with Ampex Corporation as Design Engineer, Production Engineer, Engineering Administration, Instrumentation Sales Manager, and Assistant to President. <br> <br> Major Interest: <br> Evolution of human personality as approached by Sequoia Seminar. Leading study groups involved with this search. <br> <br> Reason for Session: <br> Had heard reports of effects of mescaline and LSD when properly administered. Since my principal aim is forming a satisfactory relationship with God and helping others to do so, I felt it vital to evaluate this material, both for my development and as in the work being accomplished by Sequoia Seminar. <br> <br> Preparation For Session: <br> On February 1, in Redwood City, California, was tested with CO2 gas. Went up to eight inhalations. Experienced wonderful feeling of prayer, colored imagery. Also took tablets containing approximately 20 mg. of mescaline. [Erowid Note: This should say 'methadrine' here, rather than 'mescaline'. The error in drug name was later corrected in Myron's autobiography, <i>Thanatos to Eros</i>; introducing his subjects to altered states of consciousness by using a mixture of CO2 and oxygen, and by using methadrine (methamphetamine) was the standard approach taken by Al Hubbard. Prior to giving them a stronger psychedelic, Hubbard first wanted to make sure that the subject responded well to these milder drugs.] Produced wonderful feeling of [euphoria], heightened intensity of awareness, much greater creativity, complete absence of feelings of anxiety or insecurity. <br> <br> On April 15, the day before the session, spent the entire day talking with my two directors, was tested by each of them with CO2 . Although was quite nervous, by last tests was cooperating quite freely [inhaling], and got as high as 20 inhalations. Each test was very pleasant experience with colored imagery, almost invariably involving a playing field with people playing games of one kind or another. No insights of significance. <br> <br> On April 16, before session, first visited the Catholic Church in Vancouver. Met Father Brown and received his benediction. He promised to honor us at Noon Mass. Met with the other director, while he checked my ability to relax under his instructions. <br> <br> I took the material at 11:15 A.M., taking approximately 2/3 of a vial of LSD in 1/2 glass of water. I then sat quietly in a chair, listening to spiritual music with my two directors. <br> <br> The first feeling I experienced was one of calmness and peace. All fear and nervousness left me, and I felt very good. In about 20 minutes to 1/2 hour, things began to become humorous. As I looked at my directors, I couldn't help smiling, then laughing. I had to turn my head away to recover. Then I looked at them and said, 'What a couple of characters!' and we all laughed. It kept getting funnier and funnier. One of the directors said, 'This is his first repression.' I thought of how somber and serious I had always been, and how everything was so important. I saw now that life was simply a game, a joyful, humorous game, and I laughed and laughed at my serious approach to everything. The other director, a very serious looking individual said 'Now Myron, let's be serious'. I laughed so hard that my sides ached. <br> <br> Now as I closed my eyes, I began to see images, all kinds of colored shapes and forms, continually moving. It is utterly impossible to describe the variety of shapes that passed before me, and they changed rapidly enough so that I could not remember any specific ones. I was listening to the Gregorian Chants, and the music was enrapturing, yet very humorous. I thought of the solemnity of the Church, and laughed and laughed at the manner in which it was attempted to make the church serious, when it was really all so funny. Later when the Requiem Mass was played, I thought that this also was uproariously funny. But behind everything, I had a wonderful feeling of God, and expressed gratitude that I could see this underlying base which was manifested in all that I was experiencing. <br> <br> In the meantime, the images were becoming less dreamy and more vividly colored. I saw statues of persons, buildings, and similar things, but all moving by very rapidly, continually changing. I had been told to read the postulates I had prepared before the session several times in the first hour or so. I looked at them, but couldn't get the slightest bit interested in them. I began to wonder if I was going to laugh through the whole eight hours of the session. I thought to myself, 'We're going to have to get this guy Myron out here and look him over.' I visualized a kangaroo court, with I and the directors sitting in judgment, while Myron was on trial. <br> <br> With my eyes closed, I was seeing continuous imagery. When I opened my eyes, the room was still there as it always was, with perhaps more intenseness of color and presence of the various objects, such as I have sometimes experienced in attempts of contemplating my surroundings. From previous reports I had read and heard, I expected that when the drug took effect things in the room would start changing, and I would start experiencing events from the past. Since the room was unchanged, and, if anything, more clear, I felt that the drug had not yet taken effect. I kept looking at my watch, since I had been told that the drug would take effect generally by and hour, and would reach its peak in 1½ to 2 hours. As one hour approached, and nothing happened, I began to get apprehensive. I asked 'Are you sure you gave me enough?' I could feel the drug pulling at me, but with not nearly enough force to overtake customary consciousness. I was assured that I had been given enough. As time passed the one hour mark, I became more and more apprehensive, and kept looking at my watch. I then began to become afraid that the whole thing was not going to work. All my preparatory work, my trip to Canada, my planning on the great spiritual accomplishments I would achieve, would be for naught. This fear continued to mount, and I became more and more in a state of turmoil. My thinking became less clear, my mouth became thick. But even more serious, I was not living up to expectations. One of my directors had made it very clear not only to me but with others that I had passed all preliminary tests in great shape, and that he expected great things from my session. He had described many of the wonders that could be experienced with this material. I began to realize that I was not the person he thought I was, and I began to have feelings of utter failure. Then there was some resentment toward the director for having led me to expect all these wonderful things, which obviously weren't happening! I expressed the fear that I was not living up to the expectations, and the pre-session conversations indicated that they expected too much of me. I was asked, 'Who expected too much from you, Myron?' <br> <br> This immediately struck home, and I realized with a jolt that it was my expectations that were not being filled. It was I who had come to expect great things, who considered myself a spiritually advanced person, who believed the session would produce an enlightened new being. Then I realized how all my life I had strived and strived to live up to the high standards I continually set for myself. Now it was clear that these standards were all a fabrication, and I had deluded myself in warping my while life to meet these high ideals. <br> <br> I felt miserable, and sat helplessly, unable to communicate or focus my thoughts. One of the directors handed me a picture of the head of Jesus, done in brilliant color. He asked me to concentrate on it for a while to focus my thoughts. As I sat looking at it, he asked me, 'Who do you see there?' I looked fixedly, as if fascinated, at the picture. After a while it appeared that the eyes were open, then closed, then open and closed in rapid succession. I asked myself, why do the eyes keep opening and closing? Suddenly the picture changed to the head of another man, then another and another in a rapid succession. They changed so rapidly that I could not keep up with them, although I distinctly remember the figure of a pious rabbi with long beard, a caveman with large jaw, and a bald-headed Mongolian with narrow mustache. Finally I said, 'This is every man'. <br> <br> Next I was asked, 'What is the meaning of the Resurrection?' I knew it was an important question, but could not bring myself to focus on it. Instead I continued to stare stupidly at the picture. After more time had passed, I was asked if I would like to lie down on the couch. I agreed. My mind was very hazy during this period, and I have forgotten many of the details that transpired. However, just before lying down, I remember saying that the material was not working as I had expected, and I was told, 'We have given you the material, Myron. It's up to you to use it'. This made a deep impression on me, as I knew that somehow I was not making proper use of the material. The incident of the picture proved that the material would work if I permitted it. <br> <br> On the couch, I continued to be in extreme discomfort, with deep sense of failure. It seemed as though the drug were trying to take over, and I kept feeling that I needed more time, more time. I felt as though I was trying to be pulled back into the birth experience. My legs were trying to shrivel up, but they ached and shivered with nothing happening. One of my directors then suggested that I picture myself in the womb, and made some suggestions along these lines. The suggestions were not helpful, although I felt I was trying to go through the birth experience, and it was just taking time to work out. I lay [quietly] and shivered. I placed my hand on my stomach, as I could feel something pressing down there. There was another pressure on my forehead. Observing this, I was asked if I was [an instrument] baby. I somehow felt that I was, and that these were the pressures of instruments. Much time passed on the couch as I struggled to bring myself into the experience. I felt I needed more time, and must have verbalized it. I was asked what it was that I had. I then knew that time was all I had, there was plenty of time. If I didn't do it in this session, there would be another session, and if not then, then a following one. I realized after a while there was no sense postponing it, there was really no way out. The experience had to be gone through, and I might as well face it. If I didn't face it now, there was all the time in the world to face it later, but eventually it must be faced. <br> <br> This realization took some time to work out. In the meantime, it was aided by various communications. Some of the more effective questions asked me were[:] 'What does it mean to be born again?' 'What is the meaning of the pearl of great price?' These things I knew, and they helped me face the problem. I was quoted, 'There is a time for _____ and a time for _____, etc. What is this a time for, Myron?' And I knew the answer, that this was a time for being. I was told to let the experience happen, that an air of humility was required. I was reminded that to enter the kingdom of God one must be like little children. All of these things drove home the fact that I must give up control, and let myself go into the experience. <br> <br> I went through about 1½ to 2 hours of turmoil on the couch. During this period, a strange thing happened to my time scale. Instead of being three hours into the session, I had myself convinced that time had stretched way out, and that I had lay down on the couch after only about ½ hour into the session. The seemingly long time of the drug taking effect was really only about five minutes or so, and I was really going under the way I was supposed to. I felt that if I could get the directors and the room out of consciousness, then I could slip into the experience quite readily. In fact, I even reached the point where the room and some of the conversation I had overheard were not the reality, but some dim illusion, and the reality was that we were only a little over ½ hour into the session, and that I was sneaking away from the illusion so I could go through the birth experience. <br> <br> At this point, one of the directors sensed what was going on, and had me sit up. He explained that it would do no good to go off on some other time track to go through the experience; this would just be time repeating itself. To have any effect, I must consciously watch the procedure, in contact with my directors. I was very confused, and said that I did not understand. I was told to stop trying to understand, that this was my problem. And I knew that it was. I could see the tremendous effort the rational mind trying to maintain control, to understand and explain everything that was happening. I tried to relinquish this control, but to no avail. <br> <br> After three hours, with no further developments, I was told to sit up, and asked to think over what had happened in the session thus far and see if there been any value in it. I moved back to the chair, and started meditating. Immediately my mind seemed to clear up, and function extremely well. I saw all that had happened quite clearly, and saw the value of it. I felt that this was the best part of the session thus far, and communicated this thought. <br> <br> I was told good, then perhaps I could start thinking about the postulates on my paper. What about the first on my list, the need for approval? I started meditating about this, meditating as I would in my regular prayer period. I asked myself whose approval I was seeking. I thought of my father, my mother, and other members of the family, and knew it was not theirs. Then I thought about my birth. I realized thus far that I must have had a difficult birth, that I was an instrument baby, and that somehow I must have been behind schedule. As I thought about this, I suddenly found myself grasped, and squeezed down, and in the womb. The back of my neck and upper vertebrae were crushed in pain. Then I was moving out, and I was taking quick, deep gasps of breath. Suddenly I was out and I felt the wonderful feeling of freedom. Faintly I saw a hospital scene with nurse and doctor, distinctly smelled the ether! Instantly I knew and blurted out, 'I wasn't born on time. They couldn't wait for me to be born!' And from this intense feeling of not living up to expectations, of not coming into the world on time, hinged my insatiable need of approval and my driving compulsion with time. I could see all the patterns of my life tying into this main root - my need for approval, my feeling that there is never enough time and we must never waste time but get things done as fast as possible, always driving, driving for the goal. And with this realization, the patterns and compulsions evaporated! It was quite a relief. <br> <br> With this experience behind me, I started meditating in earnest. I soon found my mind wandering off in some imagery. Suddenly I realized that for me, phantasy is better then reality. This phrase kept repeating itself over and over, 'Phantasy is better then reality. Phantasy is better then reality.' I asked myself, Why is phantasy better then reality? Immediately the answer came, I can't face reality. Once again I asked myself, why? I then began to get a feeling of dread. I knew that I was about to face some experience of the past that was terribly dreadful, and I did not have any idea what it was. But I somehow knew that it was the most dreadful things I would ever have to face. I communicated my thinking processed to this time. I wanted to ask one of the directors what he thought it might be, but even before doing so realized that it didn't make any difference what he thought, I would have to face it and find out for myself. <br> <br> It took some time to work up to the next experience. My fear was intense, and it required a great deal of effort to reach the point where I could go through it. I thought how wonderful it would be to be free of whatever was logging me down. I knew there was no avoiding it. In fact, I told my directors that we would have to go through this if it took the rest of the day or even the rest of the week. This I now thoroughly realized, I had all the time I needed, and there was no way out. I told them I would need all of their help, and to pray for me. Instantly I experienced a feeling of lightening of the load, I said, 'Prayer helps.' <br> <br> Once more I felt myself grasped and pulled into an experience. Again I entered the womb, being crushed down, with the same feeling of my neck and upper vertebrae of my back being under intense, painful pressure. Then I saw a red field before me, with blood vessels running vertically and horizontally. I saw corpuscles of blood running swiftly through the vessels. I realized that I was looking at the wall of the womb. Then I had the feeling of being carried backward in time, going back through a long series of events which passed so quickly it was impossible to see what they were. Suddenly we ( I say 'we' because I feel I was being carried) stopped and I saw a small sphere like a bubble, and it grew and grew until it occupied the while field of vision. As the bubble grew, there was a feeling of freedom, relief of the pressure and pain that still held over from the womb. Suddenly something bright red like a dart pierced the bubble, and I had a definite association of God. I also thought Life. I have not yet comprehended what this experience was, although I had a dim feeling of God granting life, perhaps conception. At any rate, from this point I moved backwards in time again, and the intensity of pain and pressure increased. It was still in the form of my neck and upper back being crushed. Then it felt as though there was a hole in the left rear part of my skull, as though it were deeply depressed. Likewise, my jaw seemed to be pushed way in. I immediately thought of the depressed jaw of the caveman, but I knew the association came from seeing a similar expression in Galliene's report. The intensity of the pressure increased, and built up until I could barely stand it. It felt as though my head were going to burst. All the tissue seemed to be in great tension, and I recognized the feeling as one I had felt in prayer many times, but had avoided allowing building up to this intensity. As I was wondering how much more I could stand, I felt as though the back of my head was being ripped apart. As this happened, I saw an image of a circle which then divided itself in two, as a cell divides. I could feel and hear a ripping sound as this happened. There was a slight feeling of relief as the two halves parted, then the tension gradually subsided, and the experience was over. <br> <br> I could not comprehend the significance of the experience after the vision of the wall of the womb. Also, there was no feeling of relief or understanding, and I knew that there was more to go through. Once again I had to steel myself for another dreadful experience. I asked myself, 'What more does God want of me?' I thought about it, and thought perhaps I had not experienced enough pain. I must be ready to face more pain, and for a longer period of time. I thought of the parable of the pearl of the great price, and realized the tremendous insight and genius of Jesus. I had always thought that I had understood that parable, but now I saw that there was much, much more to it, and I was filled with wonder. I saw clearly that we could not have the Kingdom until we were willing to pay the full price, and the price was much greater then I ever expected. And I knew that it had to be greater, else we could never realize the value and worth of the Kingdom. <br> <br> It did not take as long this time to prepare for the next experience. The next time I felt myself pulled under, my head was turned leaning to one side as thought against my will. The same pain in the neck and upper back was there. My face felt real long, as though my head were that of a horse. I was held in this position for a while, and then the experience slowly subsided. I recovered, wondering what it was all about. After a while it started in again, following exactly the same pattern. This time, however, the pressure on the neck and back was much greater. The pressure slowly built up, as though my neck and upper back were being squeezed in vise. I could feel each little bone aching separately. The pain got so intense that I didn't see how it could get any worse, and remained so. I thought to myself, 'Is this as much pain as I can stand?' Perhaps I should have stand even more, so that I would cry out. I felt as though it were impossible to feel any more pain, although I didn't feel like crying out. This peak of pain continued for a while, then gradually subsided. <br> <br> When the experience was over, I felt as though I still did not have the answer. Something more was still expected of me. I communicated my bewilderment, and asked, 'What more does God want of me? I was willing to stand pain (which for me is about the worst possible thing to face, as I've always been afraid of physical pain) but that wasn't enough. Then I was willing to stand pain for a long time, but that still [wasn't] enough.' I thought to myself, what more can I give? Then the answer came - the only thing I could think of to give that was more than I had already given was life itself. I communicated this thought, and said, 'Perhaps I almost lost my life in the birth experience, and I have to go through that again.' So I started meditating on this thought. <br> <br> I thought to myself that many times I had meditated on what I would give to God, and had certainly meditated on my willingness to give up my life. Then I suddenly saw that it was not I who was giving up my life. I had always been willing to give my life, providing someone else pulled the trigger. I was willing to be nailed to the cross, but someone else would do the nailing. Then I realized that in my whole pattern of doing God's will, I was simply allowing myself to be maneuvered into situations, and then willingly accepting the circumstances. I was not using my initiative! I realized with deep intensity that initiative was one of the key functions that God gave us. It is a priceless possession, and must be used creatively. It is this God-given initiative that makes us specifically human. And I could see in countless situations in my life, I was not using it, but taking a passive attitude, letting others determine the conditions and then merely following suit. <br> <br> With this realization, I knew that I must willingly and actively hand over my life to God. This then I was prepared to do. But as soon as I started, a tremendous feeling of relief came over me. I saw that I didn't have to give up my life! I only had to be willing to do so! This realization and the relief that it brought was so intense that I felt that this was the principal point of the whole session. As soon as I saw this, I announced, 'The session is over!' <br> <br> Eight hours had passed now, and preparations for dinner commenced. I sat, still somewhat agitated and trembling, trying to absorb the enormous impact of all that I had been through. As I became more relaxed and settled down, I soon felt like meditating again. I therefore asked for quiet, and proceeded to think. I couldn't help but marvel at all that I had seen. I was amused by the fact that after all I had been through, in the end I was required to do nothing. However, I had been forced to experience a lot before this was shown to me. I was also amused by my first impression in the session that it was all tremendously funny. If I had only known what I would have to face! I realized that great responsibility we face when we ask others to take up the spiritual path. Never again could I ask anyone to do this. It must be his own free choice. <br> <br> I realized at this time that I had not experience any of the mystical experiences and wonder of God that I had heard about. These to me seemed highly irrelevant. At my present state of development, the simple truths which I had realized were the [all-important] things, and everything else seemed incidental by comparison. I knew that we would be shown only that which corresponded to our state of development. Yet as I thought about it, it occurred to me that now I had realized some of the essential truths, and particularly saw the price of the Kingdom, perhaps God would show me some of these wonders. I began to meditate on it, and experienced a wonderful feeling of power. Now God and I were partners, and there is nothing he would not show me, from the ends of Time to the outermost reaches of space. Dim vision of these things floated by - not concrete experience as I had preciously been through, but dreamy images. I felt that God and I together could fly anywhere. So I said to myself, 'All aboard. Let's go.' And I thought of what I would like to see first. <br> <br> Suddenly, I realized, 'Just a minute, brother. Who says where we are going to go?' Then I realized I had placed myself in the driver’s seat. It was I who was deciding where we should go. We would get no place on this basis. It was God who would decide where we would go. And it was up to me to be willing to go wherever He led me, regardless of where it may be. I realized that this too had been true throughout my life - I insisted on being the pilot, maintaining always tight, rational control, selfishly wanting to call the shots. I could see the error of this pattern, and my job was to simply be, be just plain old Myron, even though he were not all the fancy things I had previously thought him to be. So now I prepared myself to experience whatever God had in store for me, even though it be painful and fearful. <br> <br> As I realized the need to be willing to accept what may come, I felt that I still had more to go through in the birth experience. I asked the directors for their help. I was told that too much time had elapsed now, and the material would run out in a couple of minutes. Therefore there was no point in starting anything new. I was disappointed, although I realized there was no rush and would be plenty of time in the future sessions. My disappointment stemmed from my feelings of failure in the session, for having taken so long to get started, and hoping that I could clear up more things before it was over. However, I was talked out of it, and we proceeded with dinner. <br> <br> I felt very good while eating, but toward the end of dinner began feeling depressed. My mind kept dwelling in the birth experience, and I was afraid of being alone that night, feeling that I would be pulled right back into it. I still felt under the influence of the material, and after dinner I stated this and said that I felt like trying to go through the experience. I was advised against it, it being pointed out that once during the session I had been unwilling to take advice of the directors, trying to get away from them when my time scale was changing. I felt duly contrite, but even while the director was talking, I had to fight back an almost uncontrollable urge to plunge into the birth experience. After a couple of hours of talking and a brisk walk, I was given some pills to put me to sleep. It seemed to take ages for them to work, as my mind kept working most actively. I finally fell asleep, and awoke the next morning with a wonderful feeling of stability. <br> <br> While I think that the first day after the session I was still somewhat disappointed in myself in finding that I was really at a much lower spiritual level then I thought, within a few days when I more fully comprehended what had transpired, I realized that I had gotten exactly what I wanted! The full impact of insight I had obtained and the wonder of God struck home, changing my entire life in ways that defy description.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1956</td><td width="90">ExpID: 99779</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 35</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 1, 2013</td><td>Views: 13,050</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=99779&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=99779&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Guides / Sitters (39), Mystical Experiences (9), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.2 g</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(dried)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:18</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gel tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 7:37</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 g</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(dried)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I am documenting this experience about a year after it happened. It was mind-blowing and awesome in a very gentle way. I have taken mushrooms plenty of times, perhaps 30 or so, and had done LSD about 6 or 7 times prior to this trip. I have used cannabis for about 4 years now, and have also had some breakthrough experiences with DMT, salvia, and mescaline via San Pedro. I was never interested in pills, alcohol, or cigarettes. I was never a smoker, and nor have I taken pills recreationally more than 5 or 6 times. My alcohol consumption is quite irregular, ranging from weeks, months, and years between drinks. I am interested in the introspective and spiritual dimensions of the psychedelic experience, and have grown interested in it as a catalyst for positive personal growth. Calvin (not his real name) weighs about 140 lbs and was 26 at the time. He has done everything under the sun, but has cleaned his life up and no longer does hard drugs, drinks or takes pills excessively. We were both in high spirits on this beautiful Midsummer Day. <br> <br> 4:35 pm. I picked up Calvin, with whom I had made some informal plans to trip with that day. We decided to proceed, as our schedules often conflicted and rarely offered us the opportunity to do so. He was finishing up his associates degree and readying to transfer to another college, and I was finishing my bachelors thesis (based on Griffiths, Richard, McCann, and Jesse study of Psilocybin and Mystical Experiences) and readying to move across the country to pursue graduate studies in psychology, all while balancing a fulltime job atop of all that. Calvin had recently obtained a few goodies from a festival, and amongst his cache were some mushroom capsules (each containing between 1.1-1.3 grams), supposedly from Colorado. I had a few gel tabs of LSD in my personal stash, and some distinctly potent psilocybin mushrooms (of the cubensis variety) as well. I grabbed 8 tabs and 6g of dried mushrooms before hitting the road. It was a short ride to Calvin's house from mine, so we swallowed the capsules on the way there. We had agreed to take these first so that we could test the authenticity. <br> <br> 4:53 pm. We arrived at his place before any effects were felt, and I unloaded my laptop and other gear in the upstairs Studio of his house. It is necessary that I describe this studio space. This is a room in the upper corner of a late 1700's plantation house, and it is decorated with leopard print rugs and pillows, a wall of bizarre purses, pink and red lighting, bird feathers of many sorts, curtains of exquisite lattice work, and Greek style bust all dressed in outrageous hats and scarves. I used the pre-tripping time to prepare the marijuana. Prior to tripping, I usually break up all my green, pack bowls, roll blunts and such, as I anticipate difficulty doing so in an inebriated state. Calvin and I decided that a walk was well in order, and before leaving the studio, we decided to take the gel tabs. We consumed 4 each. <br> <br> 5:36 pm. We proceeded outside. He lives amongst Acres of farmlands and forest. We decided to walk near a cornfield at the edge of his property. The sun was setting, and the effects of the capsule were starting to become present. Oddly enough, the LSD had started kicking in as the capsulated mushrooms were beginning to take effect. We had both had these tabs before, and though they were clean and generally pleasant, they were not particularly strong. We shared a bowl as the effects continued to manifest. There was a great sense of mental expansion, meaning that I had this distinct feeling that my mind was encompassing more than my immediate experience, and was amongst a great shift. I had strong inner hallucinations at this point, which were a show of colors, shapes, geometric structures, and these small ethereal mechanized shadow-like figures all superimposed on the cornfield in front of me. I have encountered entities before while under the influence of a hallucinogen, and I did not feel any threat from them. I felt that their presence was welcoming, and that they had something to teach us. I said to my friend 'I feel like different points in time are all intersecting where I stand'. He was lost in his own world, and seemed to be having a staring competition with the ground. He asked me to explain myself, and I stated something to the effect of 'different points in time are accessible through the mind's memory banks, and you can mentally relive moments while your physical body is in the present. When your perception of time and the limits of what can be encompassed by your immediate perception are altered, it is thus possible to experience multiple points of time simultaneously'. <br> <br> 6:24 pm. The sky and trees washed with yellow, reds, and greens. Joy swept over us, and it was like our hearts were winged and filled with springs. Those mushroom capsules certainly were from Colorado, if not from heaven. We walked down the road, watching the sun disappear over the tree line. I could distinguish not a single tree amongst the bunch, and they took on the shapes of mountains and hills. It was impossible to assess the distance between the road we were on and the fields that lay between us and the tree line, though we both knew in actuality that the two were quite far apart. Calvin and I spoke of ways to heal the world, and I briefly mentioned the idea that people achieving a unified state of consciousness and thus all having the same experience at once might be a way to mankind together on the same page. He loved my idea for its poetic idealism, but saw it as nothing more than that. I wasn’t much bothered by it, since him and I frequently debate our philosophical opinions. <br> <br> 8:38 pm. It started getting dark so we made our way back towards the house. As we did so, Calvin ate about 4 grams of the mushrooms I had brought. Calvin himself has tripped many a time and has no problem with such a dosage, as his average mushroom dosage is about 5-7 grams. <br> <br> 9:24 pm. We returned to his house and I made my way to the studio to select some tunes. I decided on Vijay Raghav Rao's Raga Malkuans, which features flute, sitar, and tabla. Calvin was doing something in another part of the house, so in the mean time, I decided to do some stretching. The energetic feel of LSD gives me this pinpoint awareness of constrictions in my muscles, while the mushrooms cause my muscles to relax. I consider mushrooms to be a great remedy for muscle pain, as my muscles always feels mush looser post trip. I inadvertently started doing Yoga to work out these strains. I had never done Yoga before and had no formal knowledge of it. I was simply moving in a way to manipulate the energy present in my body to relieve points of tension, mainly in my hamstrings shoulders, and lower back. <br> <br> 10:42 pm. My friend arrived midway through my session and pointed this fact out to me. The impromptu session was quite significant, because at that point, Yoga finally made sense to me. Calvin had prepared for us some grapes and juice, as well as a bit of sorbet. Quite ideal. He was beginning to space out and yawn, as the mushrooms he had eaten were kicking in. I have taken mushrooms before which have made me very tired, and I have had some trips on them in which I fall asleep for short periods and experienced extremely vivid dreams, which are far realer than anything experienced in that semi waking consciousness that mushrooms elicit. That I should say, is a territory for the brave. <br> <br> 11:32 pm. I could tell that this is where Calvin was going, so I suggested to him that we meditate and listen to the track I had selected. Now, what I am about to tell you is quite interesting. I hit play after a couple of hearty bowl hits, and we both sat at rest with our eyes closed. At the same time, we both began to smell strong floral incense. We both made mention of this, and were astonished that we experienced the same phenomena. My internal visualization was one of a “green tapestry of thoughts and consciousness', which was alive and aware, and had a benevolent presence. I had the strangest idea that we had plugged into some ultimate state of unified consciousness through a solar plant entity, since we both described the same vision. Ironic that we had this experience, considering my early musings. <br> <br> 12:12 am. We discussed this experience as the song ended. I decided at this point to consume the remaining 2 grams of dried mushrooms. We smoked some more cannabis and joked through the rest of the songs on the album. They were all very fancy and festive sounding, and played well against the decor of the room. We changed it up a little, and put on some old school Tangerine Dream afterwards, Alpha Centauri, Phaedra, and Ricochet, along with Manuel Göttsching’s Inventions for Electric Guitar. <br> <br> 12:48 am. The mushrooms were coming on strong. I had had some from this batch before, and they had never kicked in this fast. I was sitting on a stool at one point (I don't remember walking to it to sit) passing a blunt back and forth to Calvin. We found it to be especially tasty, and by God, I don’t think I ever savored a blunt as much as I did that one. <br> <br> 1:26 am. The mushrooms started to assert their presence, and I knew I was going to be bought into a world of spirits to learn some powerful lesson. The room took on deep blue, green, and purple hues. I felt like my body and the area around me all occupied the same space. I couldn't feel the stool beneath me, and at some points which conversing with Calvin, I viewed myself from above or felt like I was floating. <br> <br> 1:52 am. His face took on a stone like appearance, at times like the sphinx or face on mars, and it would occasionally dissolve into sand and reform on the pillow he lay upon. I was being drawn further and further in a realm with no clearly defined physical or metaphysical limits. I saw in my mind the shadow-like figures from the field, this time clothed in peacock feathers and leopard print. I felt that there was a lesson to be learned through this experience, so I spoke the words I felt compelled to, which launched Calvin and me into a discussion about Christianity. I identify mostly with the folk, shamanic, and animistic beliefs of the pre-colinized Americas, as well as some Buddhist, Hindu, Catholic, and Mystic beliefs. Calvin is a self described Greek Orthodox Gnostic (GOG). At this moment, he is preparing to go to seminary school to be ordained as a Minister. Good for him! His hyper-philosophical and skeptical ponderings will ensure that he is a preacher of truth and not of dogma. Read on below, and you may understand why. <br> <br> 2:32 am. I continued to look towards Calvin and speak. The colors of the room grew deeper. Alien-like figures danced amongst the lattice curtains on the wall. The deep red table curtain behind him was now deep purple with a golden feather trim, and moved as though blown forward by the slow and powerful breath of a great spirit. The Greek bust to the sides of Calvin now became full figures of animated stoned, and both took on the shapes of bewitching women in robes sporting long flowing hair which blew in the opposite direction of the wind from the curtain. Holographic crucifixes emerged from Calvin’s body and rotated around it. I silently wondered if I was seeing the workings of some protective force he seemed to possess, as he had been delivered by the hands of grace many times. We conversed intensely, each point in the conversation like a rung on the ladder towards realization. <br> <br> 3:06 am. The conversation was bought to its conclusion, in which we agreed that humanity was stuck on the image of Christ’s death, and therefore not able to envision the salvation that succeeded it. I see his death (whether it was real or mythical, it matters not to me) as a metaphor of a unified experience of consciousness necessary to unite mankind. Perhaps not the rebirth or resurrection of Christ nor any known religious or spiritual form, but maybe a mass attunement to a sense of knowing that the depths of understanding and perception intrinsic to us contain all of our possibilities to manifest our highest states of knowing and being. <br> <br> The rest of the evening was spent talking, laughing, munching on grapes, sipping tea, and smoking ganja. We crashed around 5:30am to 6:00am, and woke between 11:00am and 12:30pm. We were refreshed, and after a small breakfast I went to class and Calvin resumed packing and studying. <br> <br> I was honored to have had this experience. Believe it or not, the overall mood of the trip was very mellow even though it was quite intense. Indeed, I have began to decode the mechanics of these experiences, so I have a fair idea of how to approach the sense of otherness I encounter. I had so much to reflect on and integrate after this trip was over. I got an A on my thesis, and it was so well written that my instructor has kept it to use as an example for other students. She later shared stories of her use of pot and psychedelics as a student at Skid Row in the sixties! I have since moved across the country to pursue graduate studies in psychology, and hope to one day pursue research into the use of psychedelics in clinical settings. I have been inspired to do so not only by the ancients of this world, but by the enormous amount of healing they have brought me. I hope that psilopsychologist is one day a legitimate professional title. <br> <br> I encourage everyone to use psychedelics responsibly, and in an introspective manner. You can still have fun this way, and learn an awful lot as well!<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 87058</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 24</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 14, 2013</td><td>Views: 26,260</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=87058&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=87058&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Mushrooms (39) : General (1), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> The experience I am about to write about has changed my life completely. About a year ago I took acid for the first time. A regular smoker of weed, the other drugs I had tried before acid were MDMA, coke, mephedrone and ketamine. My other drug experiences don't come close in terms of intensity and life-changing ability as my acid experience did. <br> <br> First of all, I feel like I need to outline the fact that I was with my ex-boyfriend (with whom I'd decided to stay friends- although that has changed now) and his friends (4 of us all together). Sober, I felt completely comfortable with these people. I had a respect for acid before I'd tried it and therefore listened to my friends who had already taken it and I put myself in a setting in which I felt relaxed and myself (as they had directed me to). I took it inside, with purposefully placed wall-hangings and mattresses on the floor with a big set of speakers near by, with the ipod already playing deep house/liquid drum and bass. <br> <br> I took my first tab (I do not know how the dosage exactly was as I never asked), and about an hour later we found ourselves outside in the snow. I have never seen anything so beautiful as I did that first hour or so. Snow is detailed naturally, and I have always enjoyed examining snowflakes, but on acid it was infinitely more beautiful, and I mean infinitely in its' purest definition. I felt no negatives at this point, I even stripped off to see if I could feel cold in a bad way and I did not. The only reason I put my top/trousers back on was because I could tell I was freaking out my friends who thought I was going to get hyperthermia or something, and I did not want to scare them. Other than the infinite beauty of the snow, I can remember the trees of the park we were in were waving at me, and my friends faces were slowly becoming more and more warpy. <br> <br> At this point, I felt amazing- kind of like my best experience on MDMA times a hundred, but I was still concious and aware of the fact that I was not 'tripping' like my friends had described it- my eyesight seemed a much better quality, but it was still MY eyesight. I took another tab, and about half an hour later stuff really started to kick off. I remember no gradual feeling, all I know is at one point I was seeing reality and the next moment I was seeing either reality with visuals, or a completely imagined one (to this day I do not know). I remember at this point going 'blind'. I could feel that my eyes were open, but I was seeing a cartoon; one which had no relation to my normal reality. There was nothing in this cartoon which had any relation to myself or to my normal surroundings. At this point, I panicked and for a few hours, I guess (I say guess because I do not know how much time I spent in this mind-space) my experience was not enjoyable. <br> <br> It felt like I was stuck in a loop, and I one hundred percent thought, during this time, that I was not coming back and I can remember thinking 'I could be in a mental hospital right now and I would not know'. I had many bad 'trips' during this time. For instance, at one point (I again do not know how long for, but it felt like forever) I was 'dead', and I could feel my chest being pumped (this feeling was probably stemming from heavy breathing). I could hear my family, my mother and sisters, shouting 'come on, come back to us' and I spent a while trying mentally to do just that. <br> <br> This feeling of being dead happened a few times, in a few different ways- my mind was stuck in what felt like a 3 second loop and every now and then this feeling of being stuck in a loop became too much to handle and I think this is why I believed I was dying. In that previous trip, I was told I was dying by my family, but then another thing happened; I accepted my death fully, later on, which in itself is a bit of a death I think! When I did this, and I really don't know how long I had been on acid for at this point, I melted away. I lost control fully but it did not scare me anymore. I was not holding on to the real world and this is when I had a profound experience. The only way I can describe what I felt is that all at once I was nothing, but also part of everything. I did not know who I was, and had no memory of my life. This therefore meant that suddenly I was part of everything. I felt like I was floating in infinity, for infinity, but I do not know if I could even say there was an 'I', as in me, present during this time. I was seeing nothing but strange, blurred geometric patterns on a white backround, which would then dissolve into pure white and then black and so on and so forth. I do not know when, but at one point I must have fallen asleep. <br> <br> I woke up the next day and was not 'blind' anymore- a huge relief. However, I was still mentally tripping and could not grasp time. This feeling of being disconnected from time completely lasted for around a week. I could not remember anything, and I have been told since that during this week my friends and family were scared of the way I was behaving. All I can say is sorry they felt like that. It took me a while to feel 'normal' again- whatever normal is, but I know that I now look at the world differently. Whilst I can remember having long periods of terrible feelings on that acid trip, I am thankful I did it because it honestly has made me who I am today. It was neither a good nor bad experience on the whole, but a learning one. Just like school- and for me at least, the time I spent on acid felt almost as long as my school career! A powerful drug, and one which I am amazed at for it's abilities- it has definitely affected my sober thought which is at once pretty scary, but if you look at it a different way it's pretty brilliant! <br> <br> I don't think it's possible to describe it at all but I have done my best!<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 99985</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 22, 2013</td><td>Views: 30,993</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=99985&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=99985&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Post Trip Problems (8), Hangover / Days After (46), Music Discussion (22), Nature / Outdoors (23), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 17:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 ug</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 22:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 g</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(dried)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis - Hash</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(extract)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This is my 3rd time doing LSD <br> The first time i did 150 micrograms, which was very powerful, this time i will be doing 100 micrograms... <br> <br> I have experience with a variety of psychedelics <br> such as, but not limited to; 2C-B, 2C-E, 2C-T-2, 2C-I, mushrooms, 4-AcO-DMT, 5-MeO-DiPT, Bromo-DragonFLY & DMT <br> <br> 5:00 ingest 100 micrograms of LSD <br> <br> 5:20 first alert <br> <br> 5:33 positive mood lift is felt along with a creeping/rising euphoria, i can tell that this will get stronger/better :) <br> <br> 5:45 going to a parade, this should be fun! <br> <br> 5:45 to 8:45 - attended the parade, it was amazing! i had headphones on and was jamming dubstep during the whole parade <br> which made it even better! it was sooo beautiful! it was everything i thought that it would be and more! :) <br> i thought that the cops would know how high i was on LSD so i tried to look way, <br> when they drove by so they wouldn't see my pupils! <br> <br> 8:50 - tripping pretty significantly, the euphoria is amazing!!! music is excellent! listening to some diplo :) <br> <br> 9:15 - chillin with my cat and he is purring in my lap this is sooo sweet! <br> <br> 9:35 - loving life :): <br> <br> 9:35 to 1:00 - My trip was dying down at this point and i got upset with my exgirlfriend so that didn't help either <br> and at this point i thought that my night was pretty much over...when i get a call from a friend, i'll call him 7. <br> 7 tells me he's coming over, which was nice because i was pretty upset and melancholy, 7 comes and picks me up with a few other people who I will call R & C. R is driving and is on 7 grams of shrooms, so is 7, and C had consumed mushies as well [Erowid does not condone or support operating any vehicles while under the influence of any substance]. They offered to let me trip mushrooms and i felt like i was up for my first combo so i ended up taking 4 grams of mushrooms when we arrived at R's apartment... i convinced myself that the LSD was pretty much done at this point... boy was i wrong. in about an hour or two i could tell that the LSD was still lingering, because i had insane visuals. <br> <br> 1:00 to 6:00 - i lost track of time at this point... R's apartment had writing all over the wall and the words were shifting and moving all over the place, i was staring at the wall like it was TV... dubstep made the words move and shift and sway and expand and all sorts of wacky stuff... i loved it, it wasn't too intense at this point... but all that was about to change, <br> <br> my friend 7 gave me a dab (hit) of hash oil, and this is where i felt the intensity of the LSD return along with the mindfuck of the mushrooms... i had a complete ego death... along with intense visuals both closed eye and open eye. <br> <br> what was i? who was i? where was i? <br> <br> The way i felt was unexplainable, I felt like I was in an alternate universe where the rules of time, physics, and gravity didn't really apply... for a second I felt like I was going to freak out, and my heart rate seemed faster than usual, <br> <br> My thoughts started to race and i was slightly nervous... luckily i was able to calm down pretty quickly and talk myself out of freaking out... I remember at one point thinking to my self 'good job dude you just calmed yourself down, that could've been bad. The intensity of the hit of hash oil lingered for about 30 minutes or so, it sent me flying into a wild and disconnected headspace... i fucking loved it, next time i would take a smaller hit of hash though, it was quite intense. <br> <br> luckily i've been through much worse (2C-E overdose) so i was used to the feeling and knew that i would return to normal soon enough. i remember feeling like i was 'reset' or like i was a new person after the hit of hash oil. i was so happy to be alive, and was in a really great mood. <br> <br> 6:00 to 8:00 - i layed my head next to the speaker on the floor and thought about lots of stuff, like my ex girlfriend and relationships and my life... i think its possible that the argument i got in with my exgirlfriend may have contributed to the intensity of my trip, shaking up my emotions a bit and changing the feel of the trip... it was quite an amazing experience and i don't think i would do it again any time soon, but i am very happy to have had the experience, i also feel that it may have helped with some anxiety issues i've been having lately i felt alot more calm the next morning, and all day the next day... this is a combo i reccommend for anyone that needs to have a quick reality check and <br> <br> it was a humbling experience... ego death is never something to mess around with, but it can't help you very much with becoming a better person... i hope you enjoyed my trip report.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 93952</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jun 24, 2013</td><td>Views: 10,440</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=93952&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=93952&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Mushrooms (39), Cannabis - Hash (93) : First Times (2), Combinations (3), Glowing Experiences (4), Mystical Experiences (9), Music Discussion (22), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 4:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:15</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">100 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> 0:00 1 hit Acid (blotter) <br> +1:00 marijuana <br> +4:30 ½ hit Acid (blotter) <br> +5:15 marijuana (repeated) <br> <br> I am 19 at the time of the experience and writing this. I take no supplements or prescriptions. I follow a vegan diet, which may or may not effect things. I have had plenty of previous exploration with acid, mushrooms, MDMA, DXM, mary jane, salvia and a host of stimulants and downers and things. <br> <br> It was a gorgeous day out, I had just smashed a job interview (in a good way) and lucy was in town. My friend J and I had decided to take our acid this weekend since a large group of our friends were headed to Bonneroo in a week, and we were going to be missing out on the festivities. <br> <br> Armed with a strip and an sack, I headed to J's new apartment (we moved him in last night) and got cracking. We took one hit at 2:00 and decided to wait to come up before dropping the second. I wanted to see how good this stuff was before having more- it was supposed to be top notch, better than the last stuff we'd had, which had positively blown my mind. <br> <br> We watched American Dad for a while, which was quite surreal by the time we turned it off. It was much more apparent that the acid was kicking in now. How long had it been? We laid back and watched the dots on the ceiling move around. We sat up, and began messing with all of the crazy new energy that was in the room. <br> <br> We pulled string of energy from our foreheads. They were like little sensors. When I waved my fingers around above my eyebrows, it was like there was a whole bush of them growing out. I could feel with them. I began to play with the air, grabbing it and bending it, forming compressed cubes and balls, then letting them dissipate. J began to glove barehanded- he perfected a new move that looked and felt as if he were peeling away space-time with his fingers. I felt the urge to spin, but my nunchuka were at home. I made do instead by building my own toy. I built a large geometric framework in the air, and began to play with it. I could feel it's weight and shape, and I tossed it around in the air, catching it, spinning it on my fingers, getting a feel for my new flow toy. J told me he could see it, and I realized that I could as well... just not with my eyes. I played with this new sensory perception for the entire trip. <br> <br> I let my toy dissolve. I looked at my hands. Every time I moved them, the lines following my pointing fingers created a new solid shape between them. I could feel them pressing against my hands. J decided to throw on some Gurren Laggen, and it was too visually intense for me. I stood up and drew on the dry erase board on J's door, listening to the show instead. During one particularly ridiculous string of techno jargon shouts came a phrase which we used for the rest of the trip, and are planning to use from now on: Probability Alteration. It became the center of what I was drawing. I realized that all that my life is is me altering probabilities. We laughed about this, and decided that this would be a new trump card for reality. The anime turned off, and I laid down to watch the ceiling again, which was now gently boiling. I looked at the time- 4:20. <br> <br> We tried to decide whether or not we were stoners at the moment, and did we still do that thing and smoke at 4:20? It seemed unlikely. I used the dry erase marker as an impromptu poi (it was on the end of a cord) feeling the gravity of the tiny marker as it spun around me. I put down the marker, and J grabbed a peach I had brought over and cut out some slices. The peach reminded me of my synesthesia. <br> <br> I have synesthesia cause by acid- it's not a bad thing, I actually love having my senses connected in a new way. It happened earlier this year on an acid trip when I ate a tangerine. The flavors turned into a sunset that flowed out of my ears. Something that I could taste, hear, and feel all at the same time, yet not quite any of those at all. It's stuck with me, but it's much more pronounced on psychedelics and much more... visual? Ugh, the limitations of language! Anyway, back to the story. <br> <br> I thought about the Allman Brother's Eat a Peach and felt content. I played with a thin piece of plastic that the doses had been wrapped in. I could feel the thing in the center of my head, similarly to the sensor bush on my forehead, just in a flexible plane, not strands. <br> <br> We decided to play some X-Box for a while, to see what it would be like to pilot an avatar. We cheesed out for a while on there, and I noticed an incredible improvement in my marksmanship and maneuvering. I felt very one with the controls and the representations on the screen. At about this time, J's controller abruptly stopped working and we turned off the video games. <br> <br> +4:30 We decided not to eat an entire second hit because I had a friend coming into town who wanted one (this was my last one) and this shit was already intense. We decided instead to see what it would be like to have a half hit now and just draw out the comedown. Under the tongue! <br> We left J's soon after that to meet some friends at my place. <br> <br> The walk was fantastic. We had to wait to cross the street, between cars coming from both directions. I watched as the cars moved by in four dimensions, and I crossed the street in the same four. Even though the cars and I were at the same coordinates in the of the dimensions, we could both occupy the same space on the road because we had different coordinates in time. Fascinating! <br> <br> We trouped into my apartment, and my neighbor, Z, caught us right before we went in- he had had a bad day at work, but a few minutes of trip talk with us and he felt much better- “I just felt like I remembered the right way to think, you know?” He said. It's true- the universe shows us exactly what we need to see all the time. We just have to be aware enough to catch it. <br> <br> The half hit was definitely kicking in now- a strange juxtaposition began to occur. We came up on acid from a base line of acid. Both the coming up and coming down energies were very distinct, and they interplayed with each other. Being in a trance state already, however, made the come up super normal and comfortable. We just melted into a new state. It was like acidception- acid on acid. The blanket I was sitting on looked as though there were balls of all sizes rolling around underneath it. I threw on some Sky Tree and we soaked up the music, which described the mindset we were in to a T. I could feel it running through my head, the sides of my face and through the room. <br> <br> Some friends came over. We rolled a blunt and went outside to enjoy that. J and I appreciated the depth of the clouds as the sun set. Our friends dropped J and I off back at J's place, and we watched Shanghai Noon while smoking several bongs. The movie was like watching a play on screen- the acting seemed fake, we could easily pick out miniature sets and green screens, bad cuts, slip ups in lines, etc. It was also interesting looking at how much popular film technique had changed in the past ten years- too many close shots, lots of shots from the floor... We had each seen the movie enough times that it made enough sense. But we were still tripping more than hard enough for the whole thing to be totally absurd. <br> <br> It was ten or eleven something at this time, and we threw in Cheech and Chong's Next Movie to more fully appreciate the comic genius of Tommy Chong (with more marijuana enjoyed throughout). After this I headed home (around 1:00 am). On the walk back, I stretched my energy around me, into large fans of veins that acted like giant ears. I flexed them with relish. <br> <br> I laid down on my bed to watch the ceiling do its last crawl. I thought about the Buddha, and realized that he used a sort of positive karmic feedback loop to generate his insane amounts of karma- in each life he could “reinvest” his previous karma, thus creating a nearly exponential loop. It may take a while to get it rolling, but once you get it going, the thing would create stupid amounts of good karma. I thought about how to apply this to my life, and realized that it was something I was already in the midst of, and that I needed to reinvest my energy to continue the cycle. <br> <br> I went to sleep after that, and experienced a fantastic afterglow the next day. <br> <br> In retrospect, this was an A++ experience. It gets two thumbs up and my stamp of approval. The clarity and strength were unmatched in my experience, and I was able to play with the world's energy in some crazy new ways. I felt completely recharged, cleaned out and one with the universe. Another beautiful entheogenic experience brought to me by LSD.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 96331</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 12, 2013</td><td>Views: 15,640</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=96331&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=96331&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Performance Enhancement (50), Glowing Experiences (4)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:45</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dmt/">DMT</a></td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This happened at the OZORA festival a couple of days ago. Before this LSD and MDA were the only hallucinogens I had used. DMT has been on my mind for a while. I read DMT: The Spirit Molecule about six months ago and had seen Enter the Void a couple of times. I was immensely curious about it and really interested in what I could learn from it. My last couple of trips on LSD were very spiritual and I was really ready for something more. <br> <br> So, my friend and I were chilling at the festival one evening, hanging out on the grass with all the hippies. There were lots of people playing around, tripping, up to random things. My friend and I were having a laugh trying to decipher their conversations. Earlier we had shared a chocolate energy ball that was laced with LSD. I could feel it having a slight effect, but I assumed the dosage plus our tolerance meant that it would have minimal influence. Yes, the first time I smoked DMT I was already on LSD. A young emo looking guy came over and asked us if we wanted any changa. I was like, what is changa? Some crazy new drug we have never heard of? He explained that it was DMT. I knew the moment had come. DMT had found me. I was totally ready for whatever it would bring. <br> <br> The guy was very attractive: young, tanned, calm, huge brown eyes, straight black hair with an emo fringe. He explained about the stuff, how it was healing, about how MAOI inhibitors were mysterious, how it went well with shrooms. He explained that you could repeat the dosage, if you did it again straight away there would be no tolerance. He explained it saying that the door stays open for a while; this was a nice idea. It made even more sense to me afterwards. The changa came in a tea bag: super stealthy the guy explained. I was unimpressed, I had no idea what DMT should look or smell like and didn't want to waste the 35 eur we had spent on 10 doses. He asked if we wanted to smoke it now, but I had to go find some saffi for my chillum first. This proved difficult, and meant asking a lot of random hippies for scissors and gauze. Eventually we were ready. The guy had already left, so I went up to the top of the hill with my two friends to get some space for my hit. I wanted somewhere quiet and dark, with the stars. Not that that would make any difference when the stuff came on. <br> <br> I loaded the chillum. Apprehensive I took a toke. There was a slight zooming in and out effect of the trees above me, but that was it. Not enough, but the stuff was definitely real and would work. <br> <br> OK, time to try this shit for real. I think I had to load the chillum again, and had two more tokes before it happened. I held it in and tried to prepare. Nothing could prepare me for what happened. Yes I read the entirety of DMT: The Spirit Molecule, but there was nothing that could describe this experience. The colours came on quickly. I was lying down. I put my arm over my eyes and went into it. I had time to say, 'Yes, it's definitely working', before I was sucked in. <br> <br> The visuals were some of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in my life. I knew I had to remember this experience. They got more and intense. They were focused around the centre, entirely symmetrical along four or more axes like a kaleidoscope. But flowing and moving in smooth patterns. The colours were vibrant, like neon in a way, but not glowing, more like the saturation was turned up to transcendent. They were mainly green at the centre, but with red curves around the sides. The red curved shapes were kind of like the patterns you find inside a tomato, with circles of black inside the curves. The centre was a rotating radiating mass of legs or tentacles, reaching out in a spiraling movement. The centre and the whole thing in fact was constantly moving and changing, radiating outwards, always focusing towards the centre. <br> <br> I knew at the centre there was a presence. The waving limbs were dancing in some tribal, primitive way. A little like the Hindu god Kali, but not angry or destructive. It was definitely female and powerful. I will try to explain what it was like. Very ancient. Ancient like the stars, like the earth. This entity was at the centre of existence. It had great power. It wasn't like the light of love and the universe you feel like LSD. It was outside of that. Outside of our universe. Definitely the feeling of something from space. This wasn't light. This was the darkness of outer space. This was hyperspace and in it was this ancient very alien being. If I had one word to describe DMT it is alien. Like the an incest mind. Analytic, rational, unemotional, unblinking. I knew there was no escaping it. I had entered it's realm and now the entirety of the ancient mind was focused on me. It wasn't malevolent, just impossible to understand its intentions. It could definitely go either way. <br> <br> I was trying to remember what I had read from DMT: The Spirit Molecule while this was happening, but it was hard to concentrate on anything under the intensity, I tried to go with the visuals, trying to relax into like an LSD trip. However, nothing had prepared me for the overwhelming intensity of DMT, the beauty of the visuals and the sheer power of this force trying to suck me into hyperspace. I knew from trip reports that there was more and I was wondering if I was really was going to be catapulted off the planet. There was definitely the feeling that the entity wanted you to go further. You were under its gaze and it was intently interested in you. Submitting to something so alien was immensely difficult. I was curious but also scared. I went as far as I could but there was a tension, the force completely demanded your attention. It was beautiful, but a kind of terrible beauty. I guess this is what surprised me the most, I had spent the last couple of days doing LSD surrounded by hippies in this loving, sensitive environment, full of smiles love and a kind of joyful fun. But DMT was serious, it wasn't interested in the loving light, it was outside of that, outside of everything human, it was something above the unity of existence in this plane. <br> <br> I was trying to get an impression of how quickly time was passing outside of the visions. I could hear the music going on from the festival, we could hear the chillout stage and they were playing nice ambient for the mood. From the rhythm I could tell that my sense of time was not so messed up. Time was passing at a relatively normal rate outside. Focusing on anything other than visuals was difficult. I was completely unaware of my body. Experimentally I reached my fingers into the dirt were I was lying. The ground was still there. It was good to feel the earth. It was a powerful connection to this dimension, I was reassured that while my mind was in hyperspace with the aliens, I was still a being of this planet and it was good to know that there the organic forces of life and earth were there, all around and inside of me. By this time the DMT must have come down a little. I knew I wasn't going to get sucked off the planet this time so I enjoyed the rest of the visuals while they lasted. They continued with the same intensity for quite a long time, longer than I had expected. I knew that I could open my eyes and break the trance to an extent if I wanted. After a while the beautiful flowing colours and spaces started to dissipate. They started to recede gradually, the forms were smaller and there was blackness appearing between the moving shapes. They were still immensely vibrant, even the black background had a vibrancy, if black could radiate. <br> <br> I decided to open my eyes. I lept up, exclaiming, 'Oh my god that was incredible'. I felt reborn. I wondered why DMT is described as a near death experience. This was not death, this was immediate, total and complete rebirth of the mind and personality. Feeling around in my thoughts I found a complete new state. I was actually a different person. This was unexpected and new. Maybe this is what the dealer meant by it being very healing. Everything around me was new as well. Not the wonder and awe of LSD, the world had not changed, I had changed, it was liberating and an amazing experience. I dancing around a little, enjoying the music and the trees and life. How quickly DMT could have this effect was astounding, imagine condensing the personal change of an LSD trip lasting over 10 hours into only 10 or 20 minutes. I knew for sure that I would do DMT again. In, fact I felt I could do it again immediately. I packed the pipe for my friend and got him sorted out with the chillum. This is where things kind of started to take a turn to the weird. <br> <br> What I am going to describe now was the most uncomfortable part of DMT for me and it is taking a lot of effort for me to put it down here in words. I don't want to remember this feeling. Even thinking about it is uncomfortable for me. I started to get these really junkie vibes. I started getting the fear. I was so completely amazed by the DMT experience was eager to repeat it. I could tell my friend felt the same. I was worried that this stuff was actually super addictive and I had made some terrible mistake, that I was going to keep doing this immensely strong hallucinogen until I broke my mind. This was combined with a kind of unexpected dissociative effect. I felt really distant from everything, from the party, from my two friends. I was wondering if they were feeling the same effect and didn't particularly want to be around them if they were. I know what it is like to be depressed, this was different. It was not sadness, but an infinite distance between me and everything that was going on around me. I was trying to reach out for something that would give me some positive emotional response, but all the usual things, hugging my friends, smoking joints and cigarettes and dancing to the music didn't help. So, I started looking around for some good vibes. <br> <br> We went back to the party and to be with all the people and the light and the music. I knew we had to go off in search of some change in scenery. It felt too junkie here in the dark on top of this hill smoking obscure life changing drugs. It was really hard to feel anything except the emptiness and distance from everything around me. I rolled a joint and smoked the whole thing without passing it. I have never before committed such a terrible breach of joint etiquette, but this was serious. I rolled another and kept it stuck in my mouth for some security as we walked. I kept the parts of myself that I could under control and we made our way to the chillout tent. Lying down, listening to the music and feeling around I understood what was going on. The LSD my friend and I had eaten earlier had kicked in. I knew I could deal with this, I just needed to dial into the light of the universe. I knew if I chilled the fuck out and concentrated, the love of universe would be out there waiting for me, just enjoy the sensations and go with it. <br> <br> It turned around pretty quickly after that. I spent the rest of the night dancing to the chill out music, then taking a walk around the festival, checking out the main stage and fire dancers. I met a Hungarian guy walking through the corn fields, we flirted and had some laughs, talking about how great the festival was. The rest of the LSD was a really pleasant mellow vibe, a nice feeling of wonder and beauty without being overwhelming. <br> <br> The rest of the night I tried to think back about the DMT, but it was almost physically impossible. Like the memory was locked in another part of my brain. I didn't worry about it. I figured I would have plenty of time later to understand it. By the time morning came I was able to unravel a few things. I stayed up talking the ear off my friend, awake and talkative for hours with the LSD. <br> <br> The next day we planned to do DMT again. I knew there was more out there and that it would be waiting for me. It was the last full day of the festival, so it was either do it then or smuggle the changa back home (probably not entirely impossible). However, smoking it the next day was way less effective. I don't know whether the changa got damp over night, or I had some tolerance or something, or how much of an influence the LSD the previous day had. It took four tokes and loading the chillum twice to get any effect. Then there was only monochrome visuals of faint tentacley, sea urchin type things, similar to the opening part of Enter the Void, but less vivid or detailed. It was disappointing, but I already had one amazing powerful experience to take back with me, so I was not too concerned. Again afterwards there was the disassociated feeling from the people around me but I knew sticking a cigarette in my mouth, smoking a joint and drinking would chai would help it pass. <br> <br> The DMT experience feels very real. The facts are that I smoked a powerful drug and had an intense experience. But I can't equate that with my personal experience of it, it was so intensely real. I know with solid conviction that that force is out there. For me it is a real thing. When I trip on LSD the feelings, experiences and visions I have on are real<i>ish</i>. I treat them the same as stories or myths. They might not having an existence in this reality, but they influence the world through my thoughts and memories. I can use what I have learned on LSD to improve my own life and hopefully bring some good into the world. But DMT is different. The intensity of it is so incredible that it feels absolutely real. I have been thinking about it over the last couple of days, and always I have the sensation that what I experienced did actually happen out there in hyperspace, outside of existence. The being and the void are real, it is still there. If I want to go back some time in the future, it will be waiting. It's a little ominous, but I know there is great beauty and a truly amazing experience out there. <br> <br> However, for the moment I think I need a little more grounding before I go back. After a week of LSD, endless joints, MDMA and the occasionally nitrous I definitely need to stay on this planet and do some grounding for a while or things might go completely sideways. <br> <br> Reading back on this report I might make it seem like DMT was a bit of a negative experience for me. I don't think this is really true, it was challenging and weirder than anything I have ever experienced, but it was intense and unforgettable in a good way. I'm not sure yet what I can take away from it, I think over time and after trying it again I will be able to put some perspective into it. It has definitely made me more respectful of Ayahuasca, I won't be so glib going into that trip, an extended experience of that type would require a really clean, open and unafraid mind if it is anything like smoked DMT.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 92381</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 27</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 20, 2013</td><td>Views: 26,560</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=92381&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=92381&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">DMT (18), LSD (2) : First Times (2), Combinations (3), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 bowls</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">205 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> The whole situation started immediately after I got off work. I headed over to my buddy's house with the intent of doing some acid for the rest of the evening. He already had his hit, so we smoked a few bong packs and headed off to grab mine. After a short drive, and a small waiting period, I was sitting in the car with my buddy, my dealer, and my dealer's friend. [Erowid does not condone or support operating any vehicles while under the influence of any substance] Initially, I had only intended to do one of the four hits I had bought. But, in the heat of the moment, I decided to pop two of them. Now this wasn't my first time doing acid, and typically my trips have followed a flow much like life does. Initial feelings are bubbly and lead to a slow degradation eventually ending in a very thought-provoking state of gentle visuals. As this was the same acid I had experimented with only a week before, I decided that I wouldn't need to mentally prepare myself or be wary of the acid. I was completely confident in my ability to handle what the drug would throw at me. <br> <br> We picked up some more greenery and headed back to my buddy T's house. There we smoked a few more bowls out of my 4.5' bong, and sat down to play some games. It was at this point that my trip began. A mild body high set in, sitting on top of the heavy buzz I had from the pot. Noticing my euphoric state, my dealer decided it would be funny to start messing with me (I was, after all, the only one on more than one hit). Everything I said, he questioned. Everything I did, he mocked. After a few short minutes of this, I felt my mental state drop to one of rejection. I tried to focus on the game, and maybe cheer myself up before I started to get heavy visuals, but I couldn't seem to focus and was continuously losing. After a mild frustration began, I suggested we smoke again. We did so, and my visuals started to take hold. I kept control for a while, focusing on the positive aspects of the trip and the fact that my work day was over, but I started to feel like my trip lacked focus. Engrossed by this thought, I suggested multiple times that we go for a walk to enjoy nature and see the beauty of Earth under the influence of acid. My requests were ignored, not even answered, and I felt the solitary feeling of rejection return. <br> <br> At this point my trip became very negative. The four of us had migrated into my buddy T's room, and I was starting to feel a mixture of rejection, frustration, and cabin fever. I became antsy, impatient, and silent. I stopped paying attention to the myriad of thoughts floating through my head and focused on when my dealer and his friend would leave so me and my buddy could go on a walk and straighten our trip out. My dealer's friend decided he would leave my dealer with us, though, and was asking for a ride when I noticed my first negative visual. His face had contorted, and become old. His eyes sank into his head, and his skin drooped from his bones. I stared for a while, not sure what to think, then decided that I was starting to have an issue. I laid back and looked at the ceiling, hoping to find something intellectually stimulating in my visuals on the wood. <br> After a short time of spacing out into my own head, I sat up to find that my dealer's friend was now gone, and nearly an hour had passed. I looked outside, noticing the sinking sun, and my eagerness to move about returned. I grew more antsy, and once again suggested a walk. My dealer refused, but my buddy T agreed. The three of us got as far as the end of the driveway before my dealer convinced T that walking at night on acid was a bad idea, and we turned back. <br> <br> After getting so close to leaving the house and being pulled back, I started to hold negative feelings about the whole trip. Around this time, I started to peak. My dealer's grin split wide and his teeth turned to fangs. My perception of the world around me distorted, and I felt as tall as every room I was in. Everywhere I looked, things seemed more and more foreign to me. I felt like I was starting to lose control of my trip, so I suggested we smoke another bowl to calm down. After we did so, my dealer and T decided to get food. I agreed, thinking that maybe leaving the house would make things better for me. <br> <br> We got in the car, and I kept insisting that my dealer drive. He was the only one not tripping, and I felt like it would be a better idea. Once again, I was ignored. [Erowid does not condone or support operating any vehicles while under the influence of any substance] I got into the back seat and tried to focus on my visuals to take my mind off of my rising feelings of rejection. Suddenly, as we hit the road, I peaked hard. My buddy went numb, I lost my depth perception, and every light was a different color of the rainbow. My buddy T's skin had turned orange, and the inside of his car kept changing shape. I had never experienced such intense visuals on just two hits before, and panic started to rise in me. I managed to calm myself as we approached the Burger King, but it was difficult to control the intensity of the visuals I was having. <br> <br> As we were driving back, I noticed that I couldn't understand a word my buddy and dealer were saying to each other. I felt like I hadn't spoken in years, and the English language seemed to have slipped my mind. This was the first thing that truly frightened me, and made me think that something was really wrong with my trip. As we pulled back into the garage, my visuals stopped making sense and my thoughts became jumbled. There seemed to be too many of them for my brain to handle, and I started to feel like it was overheating. I realized, as we stepped out of the car, that I had my vehicle here and was definitely not driving it back. I tried to ask my dealer to help me out by driving my car for me so I could get my bong, two other hits, and myself home in one piece. My request frustrated him, though, and he rejected it. <br> <br> We walked inside, and my buddy T went to go talk with his parents for some reason. I still could barely understand what anyone was saying, but I saw him walk into his mother's room. Looking around the house, I realized that I had no idea where I was. Quickly I reminded myself, and tried to strike up a conversation with my dealer. He turned to me, and suddenly the room shrank. He grew, though, and had to crouch to prevent his head from hitting the ceiling. His skin turned green, and he smiled a mouth full of fangs at me as he raised a knife in one hand. I looked away, closed my eyes, and strange visions passed over my eyelids. Two badly drawn birds were screaming gibberish at each other. I quickly opened my eyes and noticed my dealer was still nonchalantly talking to me. The knife in his hand had become a spoon, and his skin had returned to normal. <br> <br> I was starting to get really worried that my trip was going to continue to go badly. I sat down and stared at the coffee table, trying to get a grip on myself. Slowly, I managed to calm myself again. I smiled and looked up at my buddy T, who was standing by the fireplace. Out of nowhere, the bricks on the fireplace started to move and shift. Interested, and no longer worried, I looked closer. I stifled a scream as I noticed the bricks were made entirely of gray snakes. One of them looked at me with purple eyes, and I stared transfixed for several minutes before looking away in fear. I decided to watch the television, but since I still couldn't understand English very well, it held no interest for me. Instead, I tried closing my eyes for some interesting visuals, but opened them again when the first thing I saw was my own eyes burning out of my skull. <br> <br> I decided right then and there that I was having a bad trip and needed some help to be brought down to a better mental state. I wasn't sure how to voice it, though, and ended up turned to my dealer and saying 'I'm not doing so well. I'm not doing so well at all.' I had expected some sort of helpful response from him, since we were old friends and he had sold me the acid. Instead he just stared at me, and nodded. I looked away and up at T, hoping he heard me. But he was laughing at the TV for reasons I didn't understand. In a moment of sanity, I decided that the only way off of this bad trip was to make it good. I focused on positive thoughts, and my mental state slowly improved. I turned back to my dealer, told him I was now okay, and he nodded again. <br> <br> But I was unfortunately wrong. My bad trip came back to me, and I once again voiced my need for help to my dealer. He instead said he wanted to go sell a bag, and asked T to drive him out to do so. I felt like another drive wouldn't do me any good, so I mumbled that I was going to go in the basement and try to find my mind. I descended the stairs, ignoring the visual of an eagle in the light fixture, and sat on the couch wrapped in blankets. I sat for a few moments before my trip suddenly got even worse. <br> <br> There was another fireplace in the basement, directly across from me, and made from the same brick as before. As I stared, those bricks also became snakes, and the snakes stared at me with hungry eyes. I looked down at the ground to avoid their gaze, but noticed that the carpet was no longer solid. I was shifting and sinking, like quicksand, and I quickly abandoned my shoes to keep myself safe. I decided that if I balled up and just tried to go to sleep, things would get better. But every time I closed my eyes, I died in a different way. Once I turned to stone and shattered, once I exploded into mist in the vacuum of space, once I was eaten alive by a beetle. After several of these visions, I laid down to try and focus on relaxing. But my vision didn't seem to work when I was laying down, and everything looked so intensely different that I forgot where I was again. I sat up, and noticed that the whole room had changed sizes. Near me, everything was large, but farther away it was tiny. I rationalized to myself that that wasn't the case, it was just the drug, but lost control when I couldn't seem to move my legs. My body felt like it had frozen solid, and I started to panic. I couldn't yell for some reason, so instead I just repeated my name and address to myself over and over. <br> <br> After several minutes of repetition, I no longer remembered who I was. My sense of self had vanished, and my body seemed to be moving on its own. I was a consciousness trapped inside a foreign body, and I felt so helpless that I decided it might be a good idea to head to a hospital or at least consult someone who wasn't on drugs. I managed to steer my slightly less numb body upstairs, but stopped when I noticed two Chimeras standing in my path. One arched its back, while another raised its tail and hissed at me. I whimpered, stepped back, and put my hands up to protect myself. After a few moments of silence, I lowered them and noticed that the Chimeras were really T's cat's. I wandered down the hallway and into T's room, where I once again forgot who and where I was, and what I was doing in this alien house. After what felt like an hour of sitting and falling in and out of myself, T's mom came by the room and asked me where T and my dealer had went. I said I had no idea, that I didn't even know where I was. She said that they had been gone for several hours, and in another short moment of sanity I remembered that I wanted help. I asked her to give me a ride home, that I was having a bad reaction to some drugs, and I was afraid for my own mental well-being. She obliged, and returned me to my house. <br> <br> After several hours of sitting on my couch staring at a candle that looked the size of my head, my trip finally wore off and I fell asleep sitting up. <br> <br> The next morning, I woke to find that everything still looked mostly foreign to me. I went through the events of the night before, and realized what went wrong. Had I mentally prepared myself, the trip would have been very awesome and very intense. Instead, I let myself slip into a negative state of mind and the trip went downhill from there. I don't feel any negative after-effects since, and still have my other two hits of the same acid to take at my own leisure. I feel as though next time ought to be better, as I know that it was all in my head and created by me. I had nothing to fear but myself. After talking with T a day later, I found out that he had no idea I was having a bad trip. He was so engrossed in his trip that he didn't even hear what I was saying. The reason for my dealer's lack of aid still is unanswered, and I'm still missing several things from that night (a lighter and my wallet with sixty bucks in it). But all-in-all, I feel as thought it was an educational experience for me. Now that I know what a bad trip is like, I feel as though I can conquer one should things ever go wrong again. After talking with T a day later, I found out that he had no idea I was having a bad trip. He was so engrossed in his trip that he didn't even hear what I was saying. The reason for my dealer's lack of aid still is unanswered, and I'm still missing several things from that night (a lighter and my wallet with sixty bucks in it). But all-in-all, I feel as thought it was an educational experience for me. Now that I know what a bad trip is like, I feel as though I can conquer one should things ever go wrong again.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 91948</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Aug 18, 2013</td><td>Views: 40,002</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=91948&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=91948&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Depression (15), Hangover / Days After (46), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 drops</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 11:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">500 ml</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">80 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Here is some background information, I'm an organist and leader of two obscure music ensembles, one baroque and the other renaissance. I say this because lysergide (LSD) allows me to drop all my learnings and typical outlook and experience music from the standpoint of somebody who knows nothing about the technical and academic side of music. The music is experienced fresh. My first languages are Occitan and French but for this website I'm using my knowledge of English so consider this if I write anything grammatically awful! <br> <br> Okay, I drink somewhat, maybe a litre of 50% alcohol a fortnight but this varies, usually less. I am an old fashioned Gaul after all! I spend a lot of time attempting to discover new kinds of drinks. I have tried opium, ketamine (which doesn't affect me for some reason...it was cut with many things I suppose) and cocaine, though I've never done any speed-balling or anything like that. I was meaning to try LSD for a very long time before I finally made enough contacts to get some. I planned this first trip in a place I feel very comfortable in, the coast of Provence. I brought my friend, René, to keep an eye on me just in case. I swallowed four drops and sat on a bench with my friend in the wonderful atmosphere of the south of France with the beautiful sea and sky ahead of us. It was noon. <br> <br> I had never taken a psychedelic before, so I wasn't sure what to expect. Honestly I was expecting to see visual hallucinations, so for about one and a half hours we sat in front of the ocean. At this point I was getting pretty angry because I certainly wasn't seeing anything interesting going on, I thought I might have been dealt something else rather than LSD. The whole environment looked and felt exactly the same, however I was getting this excitement growing in my chest and this caused me to worry if it was actually LSD I took. Looking back on this, I can say I felt we were only sitting down for fifteen minutes. We started to walk along the sunny Provence seafront since René said he had to meet a government guy. Now I can definitely see some strange things going on, depending on where I look, the coast changes its proportions. It becomes quite enjoyable walking, though I was still not convinced it was LSD yet...it could have been heat stroke since it was 35 degrees. <br> <br> I can understand why people say you can relive your childhood with this chemical, everything seems colourful, interesting and new. Even though we were in the present, it seemed like we were walking through a nostalgic dream sequence and we ended up in a coffee shop. At this point I at once experienced very many different perspectives of the room, each one sliding into the other and this was the moment I indeed knew it was acid I swallowed. Though I was holding up fine, René kindly reassured me nonetheless. The experience of walking around at this point was a kind of non-drunk intoxication as was when walking to the coffee shop. Great distances flew by as when one has drunk, but this was novel as I had few, if any negative effects to do with alcohol. In fact, to compare this to being intoxicated with alcohol, I would say that alcohol is more of a 'soft' intoxication because, even when severely drunk, one is still safe in one's hard universe. With LSD I think it's harder intoxication because your universe will become unstable. <br> <br> In the bathroom, with the angular strange-shaped room and mirrors, the experience was extremely strange. I could have toyed with the perspectives of the room, the mirror reflection of myself or the viewpoint of my hands in the sink being cleansed by water for hours, but I didn't want René to worry. All the while this was going on, I still was having this constant flow of energy flowing from the area of my heart. <br> <br> Anyway, upon leaving the coffee shop, we walked into the city centre and it was a fairly busy day. When we walked along the pavement, it was like standing on a conveyor belt being whisked along, all the while inspecting and reviewing each person's strange and very unique face. The drug was causing people's faces to exaggerate their proportions in realistic ways to produce very diverse and, later, rather frightening visages. <br> <br> Eventually we sat down in a pleasing area and I had a panoramic view of the entire park. I felt like...where I would normally have one computer monitor in front of me, here I had three. Almost like a fisheye lens, I could see an awful lot. I forgot to mention again, earlier from walking to the coffee shop to the park, I was strongly aware of this orientation device. I was experiencing something which in ordinary consciousness was obscured and ignored. While walking along, I had an extremely strong feeling of that I was walking along a small globe, although never quite walking all the way round to reach the original point. This feeling somehow coexisted with the ordinary experience of going from A to B. Anyway, here, at the park, I had a small fantasy, looking at the way the statues co-existed with the trees and birdlife, of a world where greenery in much of every city was a normal way of life and humans couldn't survive without excesses of it. After this daydream passed, I realised I could focus on different branches of various trees all at once, whereas normally one could only focus on one. And this felt truly real, as with all aspects of this trip, for in this case, I could focus on one small bird on the nearest tree, and at the same time see a nest holding onto a branch quite a bit further away, among other things. However at this particular point in time, the sun was lessening its heat and there were many insects, so we moved on. <br> <br> René had an appointment with an administrative body and so I remained in the waiting room. How long I remained there was a mystery and I will certainly quiz him for this. In my mind it could have been anywhere between 15 minutes and an hour and 15 minutes. During this experience I tested and probed my new-found abilities. I examined the floor, which were wooden floorboards. I tried to force the texture of them to move and so it did! It all ended up slinking towards the side of the room like a snake or a stream while more of the same emerged from the other side of the room. <br> <br> I examined my right hand. This was incredible and I am familiar this is a very common thing people tripping do, but honestly, wow. First of all I could change the depth of field willingly. I adjusted my eyes to take the depth of field to the shallowest level, so the background was beautifully blurry and my hand was in extremely good focus. I felt as if I had a neurological upgrade to my brain or something, it was unbelievable. Previous to this first trip, I was lusting after cameras and lenses which could take wonderful, very aesthetically pleasing photos, but now, I was viewing things which only some kind of brain-screen-print could save. All the while since my trip began, I have had a stream of somewhat pleasurable energy coming from my chest, I want to make this part important and I will later come back to it. Anyway, back to my hand...I could look very closely into the inside of my hand, my palm, and see blood vessels and such things but I wasn't too interested in the workings of my hand and instead tried to see how many guises it could assume. <br> <br> Now looking onto the outside of my hand, I could make it seem many things, by shifting it slightly this way and that. I could make it seem like a reptilian, menacing, threatening-looking instrument. In this way I feel like I was regressing back into prior evolutions somewhat, as my hand ended up looking like it could pierce and slash a wild boar. All the while it looked extremely realistic, in the sense that I can easily imagine people taking these visions seriously while not aware of the drug's effects. A more unsuspecting or simple minded person would be frightened, I'm sure. Now, moving it a different way, it looks very different. Feminine, even seductive...I decided to check my phone. <br> <br> My iPhone was absolutely amazing like this. I felt like I was using a device fifty years before it's time. The text and objects shaked and danced, what have you, and moved around casually. The background looked more like a three dimensional animation. The physical dimensions of the phone changed proportions depending on how hard I squeezed it from the sides. Anyway, my companion was back and off we went. <br> <br> It must have been 4:30 or something by this time but this was a complete mystery to me as I felt we had been around two hours after consuming the LSD rather than four and a half. <br> <br> At this point I would remind the reader of the chest energy business. While walking, this became a kind of life energy. Perhaps this will creep some readers out but for some reason my automatic breathing ended up breathing out quite slowly and only when it became obvious to me I needed to inhale I breathed in again and this was immensely pleasurable. This will sound weird I'm sure, but breathing in and out was giving a very unique pleasure, I felt I revitalised my body with each breath and I felt like a kind of living wave as we slipped through crowds of people on the pavement. <br> <br> Eventually we reached the seafront again and I had a good view of the coast. Strangely, and kind of deliciously, it looked like a kind of moving (over-the-top) HDR photo. <br> <br> At this point, we walked through inspecting various roller-coaster rides. This at the time reminded me of the scene in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas where the two main characters go into that carnival. Like in that film, it ended up becoming a bit nightmarish, especially when René insisted on going on this massive swing type ride that swings from left to right. I pleaded with him not to go on it, but he wouldn't have any of it and bought two tickets. By this time I was panicking a bit, which I certainly would be under sober circumstances anyway. At this point I was about five hours into the trip. The indifferent man who seemed very disenchanted with life strapped us to this massive machine and up we slowly went. We were slowly being risen into the air and I was just hoping the experience would be over calmly and quickly. I was wrong and I am reliving the experience just typing this because the event has ingrained itself on my mind so completely. <br> <br> In case I haven't helped you reader visualise the situation well enough, the contraption had us higher than 90 degrees on one side and it would basically drop us and we would swing forwards and backwards until it ran out of energy. However, at this point, I thought it would drop with far less weight and momentum for some reason. <br> <br> The feeling of when it dropped...I will never forget it. The force pulling and pushing on me when I was thrown down had me completely under the impression I was strapped to a massive malfunctioning machine that was going to pull me right into the ground and kill me. My helpless body alongside my legs visibly dangling out of the clamp I was half-enclosed in was pulled so hard this way and that by forces outside of my control, I had what one might call a little spiritual experience, though it was only a few 'real world' seconds. I was experiencing two things. First was that, while in the waiting room, I was a predator, yet now, I was a helpless lamb being thrown extremely hard this way and that. Secondly, my friend betrayed me and sentenced me to death. <br> <br> We had not even swung to the other side until now and now I had a new urgent problem. The ground and the main body of the machine was now coming towards us at what felt like terminal velocity. Aside from thoughts of impending doom, I also had enough time to fit in my mind how ridiculous all those adverts for '3d' televisions and things were. After making the first full swing, it was naturally immeasurably more realistic, exciting and crazy than what 3d, HDR and whatever TVs or glasses could dream of doing. Each time I swung towards the ground again it was a billion times what I could have imagined the character from 2001: a space odyssey experienced at the end, for example. <br> <br> I mean, I've always hated that gimmicky modern 3D film crap from the beginning, but this gives me the knowledge to laugh at it all the more. <br> <br> Anyway, after this immediate experience comes to an end, we slowly walk away from this area. I was experiencing the relief of surviving what felt like a brush with death, having a lion ripping my guts out, and also seeing what those adverts for 3D really want you to imagine. Besides I still kinda had the feeling my friend brought me up to the gallows to be hung and put a board beneath the trap door at the last moment. By the way, while on that contraption, he claimed I was looking dead ahead the whole time, apparently not the usual reaction. <br> <br> Though I had survived this event, this quickly degraded into rocky trip territory. The sounds of people talking and shouting, often in different languages, Arab or something, put me on edge. Everybody had extremely caricatured faces. Continuing the line of energy from my heart, I now felt like a racing vehicle with petrol running through my veins. There was also a mixture of acid in my breath which reminded me of nitros. <br> <br> I also had another 'spiritual moment' where, although it feels everybody else on their trips say they feel they had connected with the whole world, I felt very profoundly alone. Far more so than even usually. At the time I felt the only thing I could feel as I walked were my lungs and heart connected by rubber tubes to my brain and this was extremely unsettling. I had this line of thought running in my head that although sometimes we may be the masterminds and the people in control, when I was dropped on that machine I was being swatted like a fly. I felt extremely depressed as a new revelation came upon me that everyone is alone in this world, and though I'm not usually that keen on dualism, I strangely felt that everybody had a kind of small, strained soul connected to their body. This was just a eerie feeling. <br> <br> Waiting for the bus to go home was the continuation of this nightmare. This was the 6 hour mark. It's rush hour so after seeing my good friend off I get in an extremely crowded bus and because I'm quick, I get a seat. If there were elderly I would have given it up but there weren't any, surprisingly. <br> <br> I was wearing sunglasses where people couldn't see my eyes, so this gave me free reign to inspect the people on the bus. I did place special importance on making sure I didn't lose my phone that was in my pocket because on LSD, my mind searches for something to focus on and this can mean I temporarily lose sight of things that would normally be more-so in the foreground. But anyway, these people's faces were grotesque! On the whole, I'm indifferent to people's appearances but I was stuck on a tight bus of monsters. Everybody seemed to be half squinting, leaving their mouth agape, spitting everywhere when they talk etc. <br> <br> The ride seemed to take forever. After exiting the bus, my left hand started clamping together. Once again, aware of the drug's temporary effects I didn't stress any more unnecessarily...but seriously, the left side (from the back) of my left hand was collapsing into a claw. <br> <br> When I got home, I had to act natural in front of my roommate who's one of those types who are strongly 'anti drugs' but drink alcohol, smoke, drink much caffeine and swallow pharmaceuticals constantly. But at least they had dinner ready for me, which was nice. It was stew. By the way, going out of my way to act normal on LSD is possible but a huge, massive pain in the ass and brings me into more negative territory. <br> <br> I was starving and I tried not to look at the pieces of meat in the rice I was eating, as I did for a few seconds and then it started to squirm as if it were alive. Another strange thing about LSD is that although I was completely satisfying my hunger and thirst, I could barely take any pleasure from this decent, hearty food. It felt like I was throwing coal into a steam engine, which is really terrible because I cannot stand people who wolf down food without tasting it. But it couldn't be helped. <br> <br> I also did the other typical LSD thing of looking at my eye on the mirror next to a light source and honestly, I could have done it all day, it was fascinating. The image was impossibly sharp in my brain and it was no illusion. It was as if in normal life my body was at 100%, but under LSD it focused my resources and whatever I focused on drove that function to 160%. <br> <br> I went into my office, which has my computer system and a quite tall upright piano. <br> <br> This was about seven o'clock. The next fifteen minutes were where I experienced a ++++ Shulgin Scale moment or the closest thing I have experienced to it. My computer was on at this point and I was only reclining in my office chair with no music or anything, gazing at my background, which was one of my photos from the Austrian countryside. At this point I felt several portals to other worlds open up on both far sides of my vision and above also. The right side had a view on the train tracks of some place I didn't recognise, perhaps somewhere in Eastern Europe. The left side was the view into the street out of an apartment bathroom in Barcelona (I've been to Barcelona, but not that bathroom) and the portal above me went straight to the sunny sky, with a few cumulus clouds. It was now dark outside. <br> <br> For a few moments I stayed like this, just relishing the moment of having views to some places elsewhere. <br> <br> After a minute or two I went over to my piano. I was intensely curious to see what it would be like to play at the peak of a trip. I began Beethoven's op.111, his final piano sonata (a piece I'm somewhat renowned for performing in connoisseur circles) and it was an extraordinary experience, almost unsurprisingly at this point. Even though I was not on the pipe organ, I still felt as if I was. After performing in a church, an upright piano like this would usually feel small to me but today it may as well have been the largest organ ever built. I became the villain who plays the organ alone in his castle. The keys of the piano assembled themselves on the piano to snarl at me and grimace. Somehow playing the piano had become extremely perverse. After four minutes my mind couldn't handle the concentration any more and I made an impromptu end to the private performance. <br> <br> At this point I wanted to return to normal sober life. Lysergide is a drug that pushed and manipulated my body intensely but at this point I wanted the relief of being able to relax a moment rather than be forced into remaining in hyper mode. Thankfully I only had about an hour left so I closed my eyes and listened to music until I went back to baseline and it was beautiful to go back to normal. Also, LSD forced me to hear the music differently. My focus turned to the background parts, counter melodies and things that are obscured in the texture. Also the distortion of MP3 files became obvious, though not repellent. <br> <br> Also, while coming down I thought of how different LSD actually is as opposed to how it's portrayed in the media. On television and in the public consciousness its a drug that makes you see rainbows and unicorns and mushrooms and things like this. To me, however, it's a weapon that lets me hone my mind on whatever I want to do, and experience life in an alternative fashion. <br> <br> Okay, so I ingested the four drops of LSD at noon and the trip was certainly over by 8pm. However for hours afterwards, there remained a cold, hard metallic taste on my tongue and in my being. This acid after-effect remained quite unpleasant, between 11pm and midnight I drank 50cl of armagnac though this seemed to take very little effect on me and the sharpness of the acid after-taste practically defeated it. Typically I would have expected to be able to sleep at two o'clock, though on this night my mind just couldn't rest and I only managed to finally fall when the light began to come into the house. <br> <br> The next day I was generally too exhausted to reflect but I felt something life changing had happened the previous day. <br> <br> A few days later I read about the Holonomic Brain Theory, which fit into my new world-view perfectly. Before taking lysergide, I had a pretty good idea that reality was an environment created in the brain manufactured from incoming stimuli and therefore possibly false but I still couldn't bring myself to handle that completely. 'If I can touch or hold another person, surely they are there and that's it' is what my common sense tells me. But when I took LSD, reality and my usual consciousness really did change. It isn't a drug I had to work with to get any effect of reality change. It changed my reality and this temporary reality will be just as real as the one we experience on a day to day basis, at least that's what I believe. Since then I have taken LSD several times and it consistently allows me to make real my outlook that everything I experience, normal life and all, is just an illusion, since I can, with LSD, get a somewhat different, equally realistic reality. I believe this fits perfectly with the HBT which in effect says that actual existence is a whirlpool of waves and the mind interprets the signals to make the hard reality and clearly LSD can make this hard reality radically alternative. <br> <br> My family are neurotic Catholics who would say that there is reality and LSD throws me into a world of illusions, though I'm sure that would begin to question things if they utilised this chemical too. <br> <br> LSD has changed my life because, while I would believe that reality and appearances are unimportant in theory, it was too difficult to really believe it practically. Now I do believe it wholeheartedly, because a tiny amount of lysergide can make my brain organise a new reality just like that, so how can what the typical reality be so important? <br> <br> So that is my experience with LSD, I will probably continue to use it every few weeks or so, for recreational reasons. After-all, it can be a very fun drug if I use it intelligently. I've utilised it on several days out immersed in nature and also during concerts to approach the music differently and my audience are often left intensely pensive after these performances. <br> <br> The final line I will leave is, If you want sheer pleasure, take your opium or heroin with all its associated risks, but if you want intellectual pleasure and new insight, though no overwhelming pleasure is guaranteed, consider LSD. <br> <br> ~Jean Whisrulgso (a pseudonym...though readers I am there with you in spirit!)<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 90892</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 20, 2013</td><td>Views: 18,552</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=90892&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=90892&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Various (28), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">70 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Everything and nothing that you had possibly imagined... <br> <br> All the preparation, reading, learning, seeking & understanding has been futile, until you experience it yourself.. <br> <br> Mild anxiety, watching, waiting...feeling. Is anything happening? Is it working? Am I ok? What have I got myself into? The rollercoaster ride has just begun, you strap yourself in, a willing passenger. No turning back now my friend, why would you even if you could? This is what you waited for, this is what your life had been leading up to. <br> <br> Thoughts begin melding into one another, to and fro, Pow! Pow! Pow! Tiny explosions in the mind...the ride growing ever faster. Soon enough you can't keep up with your own thoughts. Life itself spirals in your mind, your past, your future, the present. What is the present? How did I get here? Who...who am I? What is I?? Why do I need an I? <br> <br> You let go. <br> <br> Ego less and in the moment <br> <br> There is no I, there is no You. <br> <br> There is one. One humanity, One mind, One consciousness. <br> <br> Streaming in all at once...the reducing valve of the mind has been unplugged...nothing is held back now, all is in front to take in, to see, to be. Distant memories brought to the forefront, reliving childhood moments as if they were real, but that was only a second in time. <br> <br> Time, the one constant, now lost. Lost in the swirling multitude of thoughts, ideas, inspiration. If there is no I, there is no Time. Time ceases to exist... <br> <br> Landscapes flood in through the third eye, urging you to dig deeper, to delve further into this unexplored territory. Not yet, you tell yourself, not this time... <br> <br> Colours come to life, swirling and joining in a joyous cosmos in front of you. As clear as day, as vivid as anything seen before! This is how we could see you think? This! This is how we should see! <br> <br> The thought is fleeting as ten thousand more pummel down the neurological paths... <br> <br> Distant now so as not to all be fully remembered, yet there inside somewhere...waiting to once again burst forth... <br> <br> Time eventually takes its toll. Emotions run high as your body and mind are overworked, overtired and over zealous when you really need to sleep. Just when you give up and admit defeat to this idea, a tear springs forth and begins a stream emotional refuge, pouring out any demons you had carried, any baggage, any negativity towards the world... <br> <br> You hug your mother and tell her just how much she means to you while still more tears run down your face... <br> <br> Her motherly instincts direct you to the waiting pool... <br> <br> You dive in and at once feel cleansed, floating under the water you reflect on the last 12 hours, sometimes horrifying, beautiful, insightful, joyous...incredible... <br> <br> You emerge from the water... <br> <br> Reborn. <br> <br> Thank you, Albert Hoffman.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 90120</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 23</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 30, 2013</td><td>Views: 14,567</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=90120&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=90120&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Unknown Context (20), Glowing Experiences (4)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 11:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 12:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 shots</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">190 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I hardly dabble in anything other than the daily smoking of weed and weekend drinking. So when my friend E tells me he knows someone with quite a bit of LSD to sell, I get immediately excited but wary at another go-round of purchasing and tripping. Having wasted two days on bunk acid in the past, I was ready for a clear picture of what acid was even like. I was never impressed by my two previous trips with only mild effects from the blotters and gel tabs I tried. Comparable to my separate glowing experiences on mushrooms, weed, ecstasy and peyote, acid was not memorable. Regardless of my reluctance to try out Lucy again, I decide to purchase 15 hits of it from E's friend. Apparently marketed at 125 micrograms a blotter, this stuff looked far more legitimate than the blue blobs and discolored papers I ingested in the past. A design of the Hindu goddess Lakshmi was repeated on the delicate perforated paper, with an overlay of psychedelic colors. I was indeed impressed and very excited to have a proper meeting in the next few days with the Lady. <br> <br> I originally planned to trip on my own on 2 hits. I was impatient to wait for my usual tripping partner, D, to find a day in her schedule to trip. Being my roommate, best friend, and partner in crime for many years, D is always with me and quite rarely are we apart around friends. This summer in the Midwest was proving to be a psychological challenge for myself with family issues and general college/future of my life stress. I felt that a trip by myself might be a good idea to help solve some issues and think deeper on things I never could ponder in a sober mind of guilt and anxiety. This idea soon was improved on by the surprising request of my friend S to join me on my trip. S was also a weed connoisseur and occasional experimenter with mushrooms although never with acid. He explained to me his claimed sensitivity to psychedelics, such as his intense trips on mushrooms. Because of this, S wished to only get a feel for the acid, requesting half of a blotter hit when the time came. I agreed that a trip with him would be great for the next day, with a forecast of beautiful weather. S is very much a brother to me and I felt almost as comfortable with him as D by this point in our friendship. I liked the idea of tripping with a logical, grounded person that had the ability to take care of me if the trip was to go badly. I have always appreciated the complement of S's methods of thinking through situations and being calm in situations where my eccentric, flighty mind freaks out. I was ready to trip.<br> <br> S arrived at my apartment at around 12:15 on a fine Saturday. Because of the somewhat secrecy needed of taking the acid because my drug-hating other roommate being in the apartment, we went to my room to talk over some of the things first. S had spent the night reading up on LSD and what to expect. I extensively had read online on a few separate occasions to get an idea as well and was ready for this trip to take on characteristics of Lucy, not weak trips. I had only eaten an orange and drank some cold tea that morning, in order to avoid the nausea I commonly get when dealing with any sort of psychedelic. We only dwelled in my room for about 2 minutes before I got out the tweezers to handle the paper. It was decided that S would take half, and I would take 1.5. The rough measurements on what E's dealer told me would equal that S was ingesting 65 micrograms and I was ingesting 190 micrograms. I had no point of reference to know what was standard for me so it seemed like a calm amount. I was really anxious that S wouldn't feel anything from his scrap of paper. We both sat in my freshly cleaned room and put the paper under our tongues. The placebo effect immediately rushed over my body and I felt an air of excitement for the irreversible adventures ahead. S agreed that a body buzz was felt within five minutes, but I assured myself it was only me getting my hopes up.<br> <br> <span class="erowid-note">[Erowid Note: Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]</span> <br> <br> I started to quickly gather my belongings for the day knowing we should soon depart from the apartment to avoid tripping around my roommate. I packed what I felt were essentials in my small satchel: phone, water, chap stick, gum, $20, iPod, bug spray and drug journal from years ago. S brought along a notebook and small video camera to document our journey on film. At 12:45, we set off for a stretch of forest I have frequented on other drug journeys and smoking sessions. It was a 15 minute walk to the magical forest, taking place along a busy stretch of road flowing out from my college campus. Although it was already humid and hot so early on in the day, I didn't mind it. S and I caught up on trivial things in our lives and began musing what the trip would bring. My mind was slightly pre-occupied with thoughts of D at her job and wishing she was enjoying the day with us.<br> <br> At around 1:00 we made it to the entrance of the forest, behind a student dormitory. I am hardly what you would call an outdoorsy person but I do soberly love nature and appreciate it just as much as those that can go camping and love it. The magical forest was quite buggy on our initial entrance, so we both sprayed ourselves in a thick layer of repellent. I started to giggle at S and the gnats that kept flying into his long eyelashes. The path at the entrance had two choices, so I chose the one that would show S the awesome tree in the river I like to sit on when I smoke. I wasn't sure how long the forest would captivate S's interest in our acid haze to come since S is far more technologically amused and has really improved my life in the same way via exploring the internet and such. I was sure that we would get bored of the forest and venture home within 2 hours. <br> <br> We walked deep into the forest, following the Green Birch River as the trail swerved next to it. We got to the tree and sat for a bit, talking and enjoying nature. I always seem to notice how the roots look like dinosaur bones halfway uncovered by the base of the tree. I got out my journal and started to doodle and jot down my thoughts. On that page I had written 'oh yes, the bark is smooth, dragonflies, if I wanted to I could snap out of it but something is so beautiful in my mind right now'. I doodled some geese and the tree, wondering why S didn't want to sit with me. I was definitely getting hit by the acid, feeling waves of delirious nausea and confusion. I knew how to control the urge to panic and tell S that it was all about to get crazy. It certainly was but for his first time I wanted him to identify when he felt his dose come on. I still had the ability to text and write.<br> <br> Things chilled out for a second in my mind when we switched to talking about smoking green. It was the beginning of the trend of 'normalcy' as I will dub it. Talking about something so commonly referenced and done between S and I was very ordinary and normal, therefore I felt comforted. We decided to walk further and put on more bug spray. It felt like a beautiful little happy adventure for us with nothing to do the whole day or night. We approached a cross-section of trails with a setup of hopscotch using logs. It made me smile that something from a suburban playground could manifest itself in the wild if in demand. We looked across the forest canopy to see a black and brown squirrel chattering and fighting each other. It suddenly appeared to be the textbook case of race and ethnicity and how it translated from animals to humans. I felt the urge to explain to S my theory on how different colors of squirrels indicate different breeds, therefore they know to be scared and defensive of different genetic makeup than their own. However, since humans all contain the same genetic makeup, we should not be intimidated by others' different outer appearance. I thought of my Indian Race & Ethnicity class professor in the woods in her traditional dressings watching the squirrels interact.<br> <br> The colors all around us by this time were beautiful. A forest of greenery and sunshine with hundreds of plants and animals seemed like a mind treat. Feelings of being in a dream and being stoned ruled my sensations. The vivid colors of dragonflies amused me as S began coming up, I think. Between 1:30 and 2:30ish we wandered and S had a great idea involving using the iPhone App that allows you to find hidden treasure called geocaching. S and I looked up for treasure in the area and were giddy to see that one was marked as very close to us in the woods. I began to explain my only time burying something as part of a self-treasure hunt in the future, which turned into an elaborate lie to avoid telling S it was a McDonald's toy in a jewelry box. It just seemed like such a trivial piece of childhood memory that I felt embarrassed to share with him, having never really thought of that memory since I was 8.<br> <br> Well our hunt began for the geo. I was beyond excited to find something while on acid. Making do without GPS, we wandered up a new trail, trying to keep in mind where we came from to avoid acidy panics later. We decided to rest in the middle of a trail on a log, still admiring the vibrant canopy and little forest noises. S brought up a random memory from a party the previous weekend we both were at, involving me seeing an ex-boyfriend. As I started musing on how strange it was to see him, I started to think S was him trying to trick me into talking about himself. I was frazzled that I had weirdly associated that in my mind, and told S what happened. We both decided to keep on moving but standing up from the log opened up the full-on trip. I stared into S's face and saw how the flaps of skin hung on his jaw and cheek bones. The idea that his face was just nerves and flesh constructed so normally onto bones was silly to me. We are all just bones with animation.<br> <br> As I was staring intently at his face, he beckoned for me to come along. That's when the tracers began to appear. I was ecstatic! Tracers were something I always read in trip stories yet never managed to achieve. His hand would move and I could see a smearing in the air of the hand colors. It was amazing and I was glad S could see the beginning of it too. We played around watching each other move and observing the crazy visuals of tracers. The whole scene was a euphoric melting pot of happiness to me and I began realizing the ludicrousness of the situation. We wandered deeper into the forest and I began giggling my asshole off. Nothing could stop the laughter; in fact everything seemed to appreciate the maniacal chuckle I was emitting. The bushes, trees, and stumps we passed were all in agreement I was right for laughing. I noticed S wasn't saying much so I assumed I was freaking him out with how strong my trip was getting. Thinking about how concerned I was in a time of utter mind control made me giggle harder. I didn't recognize my own laugh which in turn creeped me out which then caused me to laugh more over how insecure I was being around S.<br> <br> S started to think out loud about the future of reality. We wondered if someday virtual reality could make us feel like we were us in that moment. We stood and stared at each other, realizing none of our feet atoms were touching Mother Nature's ground, or that when we touched arms they were not really touching since it was all force of collision. By this time we had given up on the geo and embraced the idea of a full day's trip ahead of us.<br> <br> At 3:00 I texted my other dear friend SU to let him know I was an oxen deep in an acid trip. SU has been the knight to my drug crusades, introducing me to the world of mind-expanding drugs. I owe him a lot for the knowledge and safety he always brings to the drug table. The texting was difficult to say the least. S and I started walking different trails from the main 4-point cross road. We almost made it to the beginning, despite landmarks making little sense. Some animal-like symbols were spray painted on wooden markers and I accepted it as some form of woodsmen code. I somewhat knew what trails would take us where so I led S to a torn-down teepee frequented by weed smokers on campus. We sat at the site, looking around and cooling off. Putting the plastic of the water bottle up to my mouth felt strange and S agreed and began giggling over it. My mom called at some point, which I refused to answer. S was awful at directions, given his unfamiliarity with the forest and his new state of mind. I decided I knew the way home pretty surely; therefore we would go further into the forest, following Big River still. As we walked I felt a surge of pure light coming from within. I felt so clean and understood by my surroundings, including S. It was like something more beautiful than my desired soul was leading us, and I was ready to embrace it strongly. <br> <br> The path began to widen and become more finely packed. We discussed how amazingly strong the Lucy was. S seemed to be really enjoying himself, which pleased me. I was terrified of S having an awful trip and being a damper on mine. We seemed to be tuned into each other well, only using minimal words to communicate and being open with each other about everything we thought of the trip. A tree marked a side of the pathway with 'LSD' carved into it, making me feel a little less special for choosing to do acid in the forest far after someone else obviously. S put down his water bottle since it was too much for him to carry and I grinned at the idea of him being a Russian version of Hansel and Gretel. We walked into a clearing with a bridge for a busy road overtop of us. It was so strange to just waltz out of a forest on acid into a tunnel under the bridge covered in shiny graffiti, then into a new strange world. The graffiti itself provided ridiculous visuals, reflecting its shiny coating into the river the flowed next to it.<br> <br> The other side of the tunnel was unfamiliar at first to me. It appeared to be a beautiful park, complete with kids playing basketball and benches to rest on. S and I kept grinning and looking at each other with wide eyes, confused and pleased at where Mother Nature had dropped us. It was a new chapter in our trip where human interaction with people not on acid might become necessary. I was very cautious to not look at anyone other than S. We kept to ourselves on a slanted grassy hill, talking in small fragments and laying down in the shade. The levels of volume we were talking at were so hard to understand. I kept thinking we were drawing attention for talking so quietly but feared to talk any louder just in case I blurted out a trippy moment within earshot of an old person. It was maybe around 3:45 by this time.<br> <br> I was beginning to feel so perplexed by the smallest things. I felt covered in sticky residue, didn't care about the bugs in my hair, and was overwhelmed again by peace and giggles. My mind shifted to a complex topic dealing with memories and dreams. I tried to examine how my own mind was working, whether I was conjuring up old playbacks of memories to invoke my thoughts or if pictures were used or even words. I was unsure if S was comprehending my ramblings and unsure of his state altogether. I realized then how different our relationship felt in those moments, that we were talking totally different than our usual hanging out chats. Our humor was totally different on acid together and I started feeling a really strong connection to S for being there on the grassy hill with me. I had never just laid bare in the grass and stared at someone for so long while talking, it was relaxing and great. We both seemed to be open to freely saying whatever was on our mind as we stared at the trippy clouds. I became extremely sad at how I never seemed to notice this natural kaleidoscope of beauty in nature before. I felt selfish for never looking so intently at nature as I do myself. I then got an overwhelming unpleasant feeling of being caged by clothing. Like every point in our journey, as soon as we became restless of the surroundings we followed Big River farther. We both noted that we couldn't feel our thirst or hunger, even after so long without food or water. <br> <br> Only a few yards from our green mini-hill, we decided to take a break in the sun of a strip of land next to the sidewalk. It felt so out of place to be squatting in the middle of a grassy area where people could walk by. I soon recognized my surroundings as a part of campus I rarely ventured to. I was again shocked that we managed to walk from my apartment to this point on campus and more so that the trail led there. While sitting again, I realized we had been in our new chapter from 4:00-4:45. The kids playing basketball made us laugh at the idea of trying to play in our state. I started to look at my hands closely and imagine all of the things my hands have been through. Bracelets I made when I was 10 were made with the same hands I use now to break up weed. It was a really weird concept that left me wanting to look at S's hands and touch both of ours. I was hyper-aware of how special my body was to my brain, being the only one my brain ever can have. We soon got up from our spot to look into the river and see little mini-lobster crayfish. We both realized just how important it is to do something out of the ordinary with someone else to make it appear intentional and normal, like something as simple as sitting in the grass together. <br> <br> I'm guessing at around 5:00 we decided music might be a fun idea. My iPod was dead upon inspection, killing my vision of leading each other around whiling listening to music, relying only on body language and pointing to communicate. S seemed to appreciate this idea instantly which reinforced my feelings of connection to him and nature. We wandered down a staircase to the underpass of another bridge although S was reluctant to go. Underneath it I screamed as a bird flew out from hiding, causing a major overload of echoing sounds. We came out on the other side of the road, next to a campus building I used to work in. It appeared so different and distant to me, and memories of my old boss began to flood my happy brain. I halted those thoughts to avoid anything bad happening and continued walking the path next to Big River with S. We needed water and I knew the perfect place to find such a thing. We walked toward a big lecture hall I was quite familiar with while passing a tree that looked like it was melting in the heat. The bark looked like the inside of a popcorn bag and I felt really bad for how hot it must be. Inside the lecture hall, we were overwhelmed by the air conditioning, yet automatically saddened by the lack of nature we had been submerged in for so many hours. We had deep realizations of how pathetic it was to have huge buildings stuck in the middle of a serene wilderness of sorts and that it was our reality of how much we disrespected nature and forced our living onto it. While inside, I decided to try to use the bathroom. It was just a weird situation to me but calmed by the normalcy of such a routine. Although the acid was in full force, I could still remember the basic routine of using the bathroom, washing my hands, and drying them. I knew it was normal so feeling in the moment awkward and unsure of my actions revealed to me just how much I was fucked by the acid. Looking in the mirror was also intense in a strange way, staring at my plain and contorted face. The flesh hanging on my cheekbones was startling and I couldn't understand how my eyes looked so different. They were huge saucers on my face, drawing me in for a closer examination, so wide like they didn't want to miss a single thing happening. They looked innocent and evil all at once and I decided to rejoin S before he got bored. <br> <br> Standing around in W Hall, I could sense movements in the hallway that indicated people were present. I decided to tour S around the hall including a very large lecture room that could seat 600. We sat in the chairs in the back, looking out at the large classroom and giggling again at the ridiculousness of the situation and concept. I tried to remember the class I had taken in that room before but could hardly remember word-for-word anything the professor said. I had listened to him for countless hours and never once locked in my memory a distinct thing he always said or anything like that. I began trying to explain to S this thought I was having about the weirdness of my memory and asked him about the phone call he earlier had with his grandma. S speaks Russian with his family including his grandma who had called him when he got to my apartment. I love talking about language and how crazy of a concept it is, especially when it ties into memory. I questioned if S had stored the memory as pictures or if he remembered the exact Russian words for what she talked to him about, or if it was in English. It was a concept I could not figure out, especially for my own experiences of using only English.<br> <br> Deep in conversation, we were startled by people coming in from outside the hall; we quickly got up and left the classroom, chattering nonsense phrases that I felt made us look suspicious. Talking became really frustrating and exhausting for me since I just barely could put into words what I felt from Lucy. I realized that the words I chose to say were reflecting to S what kind of person I was and from then on I told myself I would stop using such dirty language. We ventured up some stairs to a study nook on the second floor. When asked about classes I had taken in W Hall, I could hardly remember the past 2 years of my college education. I then realized how new everything was that day to S, from the forest to the buildings, since he was not a student on this campus. I admired him for being adventurous and trusting me to show him neat places. It was a great feeling to realize S had given me his full trust, and that both of us were okay and content with spending a full day with only each other, like a nomadic family of sorts.<br> <br> After venturing back outside into our homeland, we found a map of campus. It was maybe 5:30 by now and I remembered another beautiful place to show S. We had to cross a bridge to get there with the noisy rapids interrupting my thoughts. I pondered with S what it would be like to be deaf or blind on acid. We tried plugging our ears and closing our eyes. That's when the gorgeous undiscovered world of patterned closed-eye visuals hit me. We walked across and to the place I wanted him to see, being a nice little opening where the river hits a small dam and creates rough rapids. Ducks were just content being around us as we looked into the river. By this time, D was off of work and texted me to come join us. D was with me the first few times we tried 'acid' and generally really loved it. I was reluctant at first to let in an outsider to our twisted logical acidic world but reassured myself that of all people D would be able to put my mind at ease. We waited for her arrival until 6:30. As she approached, I was confused at the beautiful apparition that she was in the sunshine, yet sensed that she was up to no good. I was intent on staring at her until I could figure out what it was that was so off in my best friend. She instantly told me what a creep I was being and that my eyes were scaring her. I became really nervous and giggly and really tense with the whole situation of her being present. Her hair was now blond and her body was really morphed and new to me. I swear I could see the evil in her eyes as she tried to barely understand our predicament. She walked too fast for our leisurely stroll, which explained how it took us 6 hours to walk from our apartment to the dam on campus, which usually might take an hour at the most. I kept trying to look at D and realize who she was to me and how much I loved her, yet something in my mind kept telling me she had bad intentions and was trying to steal S away from me. As soon as I got up the courage to voice these opinions, they seemed silly and I laughed about it. D asked if I could get her some weed for the night, to which it suddenly clicked that she was only with us for her own personal amusement and to use me for weed. I tried to hide how weirded out I was by her and the place in time we were. We sat on the edge of the grass with our feet in the water, trying to tell D about our day thus far. We were still far enough into our trip that it was beyond difficult to make rational sense. Later D told me that she felt like she was tripping balls in that moment with us because of the way we were talking and acting. As S and I sat there, we began only pointing to show each other cool things the water was doing. Dots of water led to magnificent ripples, which led to swirls of water until it smashed into the dam. S and I began to feel hot and sweaty, a good sign that the acid might be losing its power in our bodies.<br> <br> At 7:00, D offered to drive us someplace else since she had her car parked not far away. The car ride was much needed as a change of pace and general resting for S and I. D drove us to a field outside of our town that had cows freely grazing in it. I realized the normalcy of us driving like that, since D always drives places while I ride in the passenger. But the normalcy of it was overshadowed with the intense feeling of D being a complete stranger. I could sense something was weird about either her aura or mine; obviously looking back it was my drug-induced mind feeling that. We parked a little ways up the road and walked to the cows, who happily greeted us thinking we came bearing food. Looking into their eyes, I wondered if the cows could even process emotions like us. The filth caked on the cows was a strange sight to see, since I immediately pondered what it would be like if humans and I defecated freely, didn't wear clothes, and only got excited if we were being fed. No one can really remember what it was like to be a baby and not be embarrassed to poop freely. We decided to leave the cows after much talking and feeding of them.<br> <br> Our troupe headed back to S's place, stopping at a convenience store for drinks and snacks. I wasn’t necessarily hungry or thirsty, I just wanted to feel the sensations in my mouth and see if I could deal with being back in public. The trip inside seemed obvious, like everyone in the store could tell 2/3 of our party was tripping hard. The frozen drink I got was beautiful in its own way, since it was composed of delicate little ice pieces that I could definitely feel individually melting on my dry tongue. I didn't like my interaction with the cash register girl and was shocked that society has not switched over to totally automating everything. I thought of how novel it would be to walk into a convenience store and just ring yourself up and leave. We managed to buy everything we needed and left, getting safely back to our car vessel. The thrill of lying down in the back seat kept me entertained until arriving at S's humble abode. <br> <br> Walking inside S's apartment, my mind started playing tricks again. I smelled the cows, even though we were nowhere near them again. It was very clean and cold in S's apartment and a nice familiar place I had been before. To regain more normalcies, the three of us decided to smoke a little green. Although lighting a bowl and passing it was very much a routine to us, it seemed very difficult to keep it going while we chatted. I didn't think I could feel any effects of the weed on my trip and attempted to clarify with D how stoned she was feeling. By this point I was again comfortable with her and tried to freely talk about the day's events. My biggest fear in divulging any information with her was the chance of sounding stereotypical. By this I mean sounding like just any other report she had read on acid trips, not original. Even though I know most acid trips contain the same characteristics, I felt generally quite elite about my experience and pushed away any attitude she had that her trips were anything like this one. I couldn't help but feel annoyed with her for trying to compare her past bunk trips to mine. I wanted her as well as people in the future to know that what I was experiencing seemed to only be expressed using words I had read before such as 'glowing experience' and 'tracers'. I was growing sick with trying to convey any ounce of originality in my thoughts. At 8:30 I stepped outside onto his porch to try and think some things through and get away from the videos being watched on YouTube by D and S. I started to reflect on what I truly wanted to do with my life. I thought back to how much the past is gone for good now and that we as humans need constant proof that it really happened through documents and videos. My college education is only proved through documents. Then thinking to the future, which only comes in small installments of the present day, meaning I had no real concept of personal growth. I began to get really pissed at myself for not doing anything worthy of saying at my funeral. I pushed those thoughts aside to settle in on the positive thoughts of present goals. I tried to think of what my point of being was at this moment in life and came up with the overwhelmingly happy thought of just finishing school and staying alive. That was a shining moment where I felt clear-headed and ready to rejoin my friends.<br> <br> Back inside the apartment, we came to the solution that D and I would go our separate way and leave S to his computer programming. D and I drove over to our other friends' apartment for more smoking and chilling. The stimuli were a little overwhelming and being around I and J was not very pleasant. I had a hard time telling what my mind would actually like to do, so I decided to stick it out and smoke more with them until D wanted to leave. I was under the impression weed would have little effect on me since the acid was still in control, so I continuously hit a massive bong for a few rounds with the rest of the group. That's when things began spiraling ridiculously out of control. I would begin to speak and end the sentence, but split seconds later have no idea what I had just said. My sentences were more of a world salad with little sense being made from it. D was getting concerned by what I was babbling, like 'I have to stop pushing out because the mist comes out the sides.' I had no recollection of saying some of the things she said I said, only random fits of hysterical maniacal laughter where I would bury my face in I and J's couch. I do recall a ridiculous conversation with D where we used analogies about belts and shirts to explain relationships with various friends. I was so intent on being committed to the conversation that I hardly realized we were about ready to go to a party with J and I. D started picking up random people and dropping them off at the party, while we waited on alcohol to be picked up. I was babbling nonsense again in the passenger seat, trying to not make a fool out of myself in front of anyone in her backseat. A black cat crossed in front of our car at some point in the drive, to which I swore it off and promised D her penny (side up) would cancel that out. <br> <br> We finally rolled up to the party at around midnight. I was so disoriented and confused at how the situation would go, being on acid, really high, and about to consume alcohol. I had been outside most of the day in the woods, was sweaty and not properly dressed for such a party. I felt ugly and really uncomfortable. Soon after getting there I begged D to take me home because things were turning strange again. As I talked to her outside with a group of acquaintances, I glanced across the street and saw her standing by the stop sign with her back to us. I kept looking back and forth between the two Ds and got extremely confused and upset as to why my mind was doing this. To make matters worse, people around me who knew I was on acid kept trying to help me 'trip harder' by getting in my face and making strange noises. I wanted to cry or just pass out. By the time we left at 1:00am I felt extremely embarrassed by my presence in a party like that. Although I was extremely incoherent, I still managed to give D directions home with ease. Upon arriving home, I showered and ate some food. After collapsing in my bed, I could feel the extreme tenseness of my calves and tried to massage the pain away. I grabbed pens and jabbed them into the tight muscles to try and alleviate the pain to no avail. I gave up and hoped sleep would consume me as it so easily does on mushrooms and even ecstasy. The last memory of the night was a crazy closed eye visual of pride rock from The Lion King and oranges in the sky. I woke up the next day sore, wiser, and with a better understanding of too many things. The feeling I could not shake was the lack of desire to do drugs for awhile.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 86291</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jan 5, 2014</td><td>Views: 16,916</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=86291&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=86291&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cannabis (1), Alcohol (61) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), Nature / Outdoors (23), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">300 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/moclobemide/">Moclobemide</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">64 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This is a summary of my experiences Using Moclobemide and Recreational Drugs. <br> <br> The conditions I have are Bi-polar disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD). I also have a heart condition SVT. I have been on Moclobemide for over 10 years, prescribed by my psychiatrist for my Bi-polar disorder. My dose is 300mg x 4 per day. I am also prescribed 2 x 200mg of Lamotrigine daily, as a mood stabiliser. It is an anti-convulsant, but is also used as a mood stabiliser. Thought I'd share some info about my experiences using Moclobemide and recreational drugs. <br> <br> A little info about Moclobemide. It is a Reversible Inhibitor of Monoamine Oxidase A (RIMA). RIMA's are a type of Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitor (MAOI) which is an anti-depressant. Moclobemide is sold under names including Amira, Aurorix and Clobemix. <br> <br> Compared to traditional MAOI's, the advantages of Moclobemide are: it has no dietary restrictions, fewer side effects, has less drug interactions and much shorter half-life. In fact the half-life is so short that if changing to another type of anti-depressant you only need a day or two before switching. I chose Moclobemide as my anti-depressant because SSRIs and SNRIs pretty much stopped MDMA working at all. Couldn't have that! <br> <br> I wasn't as knowledgeable about drugs when I started using Moclobemide as I now am, if I had been more educated at the time I probably wouldn't have taken the drugs listed below with Moclobemide, and I know I wouldn't be as casual about taking any recreational drugs with a traditional MAOI opposed to a RIMA. <br> <br> Recreational drugs I have used while taking 1200mg a day of Moclobemide (dose taken at 600mg twice a day) are - amphetamines/speed, Ice (meth), MDMA, LSD, 2CB, 25i-NBOME (N-BOMB), marijuana as well as alcohol I think that at least some are pretty much contraindicated. I never have a 'washout period', I take my usual dose of Moclobemide while using all of them. <br> <br> Speed - I have used speed for 20 years, without any addiction problems at all. In fact I hold down a very responsible job in the IT department in one of Australia' biggest banks, and have done so for 15 years. While doing 12 hour rotating shifts in a 24 x 7 x 365 environment. I never, ever, use it at work, even though staying awake until 8AM and driving home in heavy traffic can be hard at times. <br> <br> I genuinely use it for therapeutic reasons. It is the ONLY thing that allows me to escape my APD for a day, maybe two. If anything I would say that Moclobemide potentiates the effect of speed. I'm not looking to get high, just enough for me to feel 'normal'. I generally take about 0.1 gm (a point) orally of speed, maybe once every two to three weeks. The speed is high quality, purchased from SR. Very rarely my heart condition does kick off when using it, but no worse than when not using. Never had any issues really. <br> <br> I have used much larger doses when using it at dance parties, and in combination with MDMA. Still no problems at all. <br> <br> Marijuana - Again I use dope for therapeutic reasons, not saying I don't enjoy it though. I have terrible dreams and dope is one of the few things that stop them. As opposed to anti-psychotics it's much the lesser evil. I used to used about 2gm a day. Now I only use (vaporise) 0.25 to 0.50 gm before bed. I have even got to the point that I don't really want it, but after one night without it, I wake up either terrified, angry and aggressive and sometimes even a little violent, as in waking up punching a pillow. I'm a very passive person by nature. <br> <br> I have never had any problems what so ever combining marijuana and Moclobemide. <br> <br> ICE/Methamphetamine - which I smoked. No interaction. I haven't used Ice without being on Moclobemide at the same time. But if anything I would say I got less out of it than my friends. But that is probably the reverse of what would be expected, I'd have thought Moclobemide would increase the effects. <br> <br> MDMA - never any issue when combining the two. But I think I have had very slight symptoms of serotonin syndrome when coming down. I had mild uncontrollable twitching, agitation, increased pulse rate and increased body temperature, I also remember being really tense around the neck and shoulders. Serotonin syndrome is a possible outcome when combining MDMA with any anti-depressant. It can be a very serious condition. But I am on a large dose of Moclobemide and that only happened once to me and only very slightly. Put it this way it doesn't stop me using MDMA. <br> <br> I have had maybe 0.2 gm of MDMA powder over a night. I have until recently usually used pills. (Thank god for SR). I have had many various pills over the years, and who knows what was in them? Plenty of MDMA, but with almost all pills plenty of other stuff mixed in too. Don't think I ever had more than 2 or 3 pills in one night, don't see the point. But I never had any issues with mixing anything so far with Moclobemide. I also often use more than one drug at once: Speed/MDMA/Marijuana. <br> <br> LSD - I would have to say that for me LSD is less effective than normal. It takes me twice as much as friends use to get less effect. But no problems when used with Moclobemide apart from that. <br> <br> 2CB - I have taken this only twice, and always when being on Moclobemide. So a bit hard to say if the effects of 2CB are altered by Moclobemide. But I can say that I was tripping my tits off. And again no adverse reactions. <br> <br> 25I-NBOMe (N-BOMB) - haven't used N-BOMB without being on Moclobemide. But I seem to need a little more than everybody else. But when it does kick in, it was good. No problems combining Moclobemide with N-BOMB for me. <br> <br> Alcohol - I have really gone off booze the past year. But when I do drink I have a high tolerance and always have had. When I was manic I was going through 24 cans of beer a day for 30 days strait. So I can definitely say that I have no issues drinking while using Moclobemide. <br> <br> Caffeine - The only thing I have ever had any real problem with is energy drinks. I had to call an ambulance and go to the emergency room within a year of each other with heart issues. It wasn't my heart condition, this was different. Both occasions I'd been using various drugs, and drinking, all pretty much in moderation, and different drug combos both times. The one common factor I'm sure caused issues with my heart both times was energy drinks. The only time I ever drank them was when I was using speed with or without other drugs as well. Thought I was having a heart attack, both times was told there was nothing wrong with my blood pressure or pulse, ECG showed nothing unusual. <br> <br> The above is only my personal experience, do not take the above as a green light to mix Moclobemide with the anything else. Reactions of the same drug(s) in different people can vary widely. I strongly urge you to do a little research before combining Moclobemide with any recreational drug. Especially if using any other psychoactive medication along with Moclobemide. <br> <br> To sum up, Moclobemide has been a relatively safe drug for me, with few side-effects. It's been safe with all drugs I have mixed with it. BUT I do now have a physical addiction. I don't crave it or even need it mentally, however I now get 'brain zaps' which extend to my whole body when I haven't taken any for 16-18 hours. It is very unpleasant. But I have been on a dose twice the recommended maximum for years. I think this might not occur if taking a smaller dose for a shorter period, but that's just a guess. Many anti-depressants have this 'brain zap' effect when stopping using them for some people.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 103010</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 43</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 29, 2014</td><td>Views: 26,921</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=103010&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=103010&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Moclobemide (75), MDMA (3), Amphetamines (6), Methamphetamine (37), 25I-NBOMe (542), Cannabis (1), LSD (2), 2C-B (52) : Various (28), Combinations (3)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> From the Purdue Archives: <a href="http://earchives.lib.purdue.edu/cdm4/item_viewer.php?CISOROOT=%2Fpsyc&CISOPTR=7&DMSCALE=25&DMWIDTH=600&DMHEIGHT=600&DMX=38&DMY=0&DMMODE=viewer&DMTEXT&REC=6&DMTHUMB=1&DMROTATE=0">http://earchives.lib.purdue.edu/</a> <br> <br> [Appears to have been typed on a typewriter.] <br> <br> Walter Pahnke (March 31, 1964) : FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF FIRST LSD EXPERIENCE of March 30, 1964 <br> <br> The most impressive and intense part of this experience was the WHITE LIGHT of absolute purity and cleanness. It was like a glowing and sparkling flame of incandescent whiteness and beauty, but not really a flame--more like a gleaming white hot ingot, yet much bigger and vaster than a mere ingot. The associated feelings were those of <u>aboslute</u> AWE, REVERENCE, and SACREDNESS. Just before this experience I had the feeling of going deep within myself to the Self stripped bare of all pretense and falseness. This was the point where a man could stand firm with absolute integrity--something more important than mere physical life. The white light experience was of <u>supreme importance</u>--absolutely self validating and something worth staking your life on and putting your trust in. The white light itself was so penetrating and intense that it was not possible to look directly at it. It was not in the room with me, but we were both somewhere else--and my body was left behind. <br> <br> Later, I again went deep within myself, and I had the image of going down deep into a dark, silent pool. Then I had a vision of absolute DIVINE love. It was like a flowing spring of silvery white liquid overflowing upward and was very beautiful to watch and feel. The feeling was of love and compassion toward the Divine and toward all men. I had the insight that all men had this same potential and worth within themselves. All men were equal in the sight of God and to my own feelings at this moment. I realized how I had not taken this enough into account in my past actions.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1964</td><td width="90">ExpID: 103042</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 33</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 3, 2014</td><td>Views: 46,464</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=103042&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=103042&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Unknown Context (20), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">166 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/methylone/">Methylone</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 g</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(dried)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">150 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/dimenhydrinate/">Dimenhydrinate</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">110 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> The first time I took a combination of psychedelic drugs and ecstasy was at a music festival, for which I won’t include the name, but by the bands I include you can figure it out. The experience was by far the best I have had on any drug. The substances I have taken in the past include cannabis, acid, mushrooms, Valium, Adderall, Ritalin, one experience with a possible MDMA, muscle relaxers, and one painkiller that I don’t remember the name of. <br> <br> The day I arrived at the festival, most of my friends had been there for two more days, so I got up really early and had a good friend meet me at the gate, I’ll call him Eric. We walked down to his campsite and set my tent up in the closest spot we could find. We worried that I would get lost walking back, but it turned out I would not come back till the next morning. <br> <br> We got out the substances that I brought, all I could find beforehand: four hits of acid, and three kinds of cannabis about a quarter ounce total. Eric’s friends at the festival were not drug users, but were trying some new things. With this in mind, we rolled a blunt and put it in my pocket. We left to explore the festival with his friends. It’s about 10:00 am. <br> <br> I tried to convince Eric’s friends to smoke the blunt, but they said it was too early. I got frustrated and ran off with a different group. I agreed to meet Eric at 7pm to plan our night. <br> <br> I was now with Rick, his girlfriend Sarah, and Dan who we barely knew. Rick had taken four drops of weak acid, and Dan had taken shrooms. We went to my tent to smoke the blunt. On the way, Dan confessed that he was on probation and was being tested for cannabis, and did not want smoke. Rick said he just wanted one hit (he didn’t want to get too fuck up). That just left me and Sarah who took a few hits and stopped. I smoked that blunt basically by myself. This was not part of the experience I am writhing, but I figure it was worth mentioning because it happened earlier the same day. <br> <br> Just so I can skip forward a little; I met two girls, the Goat (nickname she gave herself) and Lily. I told them I had more cannabis than I wanted, so they invited me to smoke all night in their tent. We met some people and I picked up a quarter of shrooms (I did not ask what species), and a gram of Mollie. I left them and listened to music by myself. <br> <br> I met with Eric at 7 and we decided to meet again at ten. Shortly thereafter, I ran into friend of mine, Lucy, she was driving home that night so she didn’t want to take anything, but she came back to my tent to wait for Eric with me. Unaware that she had a boyfriend, I made a move on her and got turned down, somehow we were able to defuse the awkward moment. <br> <br> (t+00:00) Eric showed up with a friend of his, Karen, who wanted to smoke cannabis, no problem. Eric worried about not being able to find his friends after gets high, and was frustrated with me for not having a plan. I ignored him and gave him one hit of acid and divided a 0.5 gram bag of Mollie into thirds (about 166mg each). I offered Karen whatever she wanted. All she wanted was cannabis (hey you have to ask!). Eric and I each licked 166mg of the Mollie off a razor blade and I put the rest back in the bag. I then took about 2 grams of shrooms, a hit of acid and 150mg of Dimenhydrinate (Dramamine) to reduce nausea. I worried about how much I took, would my night turn out to be a disaster? Would I get lost? Would I have seizure or a meltdown? <br> <br> I put these thoughts out of my head. I took my friends out of the tent (I did not want it to smell too much like cannabis) and filled a bowl half way up for Karen. We ran into Rick and Sarah, who of course, wanted to smoke too. I told myself fuck I didn’t put enough in, but I didn’t want to spend the time to refill it, because I wanted to see Spearhead with Lucy. <br> <br> I tried to find a spot where Karen would be comfortable to smoke, but she was new to smoking and scared. I convinced her to smoke in an open place. She took two hits and handed it to Rick. Rick took one hit and burned up the rest of the cannabis. I asked him what happened and he said, “I take monster hits, I burned it all up!” I told him that that’s not how you smoke cannabis if you are in a group with a small bowlful. He showed no guilt. Out of time, I handed my piece off to Sarah who had bought some nice heads earlier. <br> <br> (t+00:30) Thinking that Eric stayed with Karen, Rick and Sarah, I left with Lucy to see Spearhead, aware that the effects would hit me soon. We ran into the Goat and Lily, the Goat got really close and touched my arm while talking to me, she was cute, but she was 15, too young for me. We agreed to meet up after spearhead to see Matisayahu. But I told them I probably would not remember. <br> <br> (t+00:50) The first drug to kick in was the shrooms. It was early in the Spearhead when I began to lose focus; the music I heard was forgotten. I started the battle. Shroom thoughts filled my head: “I’m nervous” “I might be scared” “I have never been so terrified” my thoughts accelerated out of control. Tie-dye tee shirts flowed, the tree branches behind the stage formed patterns and spun, and I closed my eyes and entered a moving painting. <br> <br> The Dramamine did not appear to help. I was very nauseous and felt as if I would throw up. I kept feeling the moment come, but it never did, thank god, because I was in a crowd. <br> <br> I looked to see that Lucy was there, I was so happy that I did not scare her off by making that move on her. She was a good friend. She asked me what I saw. I told her that it was hard to describe what I saw, but then, for no reason, I started to explain what I thought the effects of MDMA were (I only tried it once before and it could have been a different chemical). I felt those effects, losing control and hugging her. The people around me were beautiful and loving. Then they were staring and Lucy’s face changed. I rolled between MDMA’s love for the world, and shroom’s paranoia. Weirdly, through all of this I had a very clearheaded sensation. <br> <br> (t+01:20) I got into the music and danced. Michael Franti (Spearhead’s front man) asked who was married. He dedicated a song to marriage. A stranger came up to Lucy and put his arm around her and asked if she was married. I worried a little, because she complained earlier people were grabbing her butt, I thought about pushing him off. Then he put an arm around me. I decide it was fine; I grabbed him too. I felt love, his arms were strong. But I got bored of him, I wanted to dance. I let go of him and he let go of both of us, and I waved good bye. Then spearhead played the most beautiful song I ever heard (later I learn that it’s called “A Long Ride Home”). One verse made so happy. My body surged with euphoria. This was that verse: <br> <br> We drove through Mississippi <br> Passed a bus of hippies <br> Drinking 40’s and rolling up some sticky Icky <br> Under the stars <br> Or maybe even mars <br> Muscle cars all smoking up the boulevard <br> You look pretty <br> Out of the city <br> You say that you love me and that there’s no place that you wanted to go oh oh oh alone <br> I felt a close connection to the verse. The battle was over. I felt loved. <br> <br> (t+02:00) When Spearhead was over, Lucy decided to mess with me by tugging my arm and telling me to run. I didn’t panic but didn’t resist because I didn’t have enough brain power understand what was going on. She took me to her parents. I was terrified that they might know I was tripping, and that she could get in trouble. Out of control shroom thoughts return. “I am fine” “they might be suspicious” “they know, they know!” But they didn’t. They wanted to go home and she had to drive them because they were pretty drunk. We worked out how we would meet the next day when she came back (I laughed at this I was sure I wouldn’t remember). <br> <br> (t+02:10) I was alone. I felt the acid kick in. The world had shifted. Things were strange. I heard Matisayahu, and I had to see him. I remember that time like a dream, but it did not feel like a dream. The whole world was spinning. I quickly walked a crossed the festival site and got into the middle of crowd. <br> <br> (t+02:30) He played his song, “sunshine” when he reached the line “it’s raining in your mind, so push those clouds a-si-ide” the perfection of the way he sang that line made me feel really good. I begin to dance like I never had, I was not self-conscious, and nothing held me back. I was alive. He soon ended his set. We got him to play an encore. He played “One Day” again, and did an amazing improvised song. He pulled people on stage, but I was too afraid to push through the crowd to get up on stage. I regret that now. <br> <br> (t+03:00) I began to voyage into the world. I again entered the strange vortex and began spinning. I saw a lady riding a lion statue. The lion’s jaw appears to move. I got the urge to tell her what I saw, because she must be interested. I tugged on my coat. “The lion speaks!” is all I could manage. I was slightly embarrassed, I was that guy. I kept walking. I ran into a friend from school who was very excited. I gave him a hug and he told me that he was pulled on stage by Matisayahu, “Natural fucking high, I have never felt so good!” <br> <br> I wonder away and find music in the dance tent: an R & B group called Trouble Funk. I must dance; this was the greatest thing I had ever felt. The music was perfect for dancing. It was so good I reached points where I lost control. My mind went blank, with empty eyes I turned into the dance. Unfortunately, the band eventually stops playing. I felt let down: because I did not want this night to end. I left the tent (I must voyage on!). Someone gave me a high five as I walked out, and I hit it once, twice, three times. I’m acting a little fucked up I told myself. <br> <br> (t+03:30) After I walked out of the tent, I ran into a friend who I frequently saw at concerts and was a musician in my town. He laughed at me and pointed out to his girlfriend how happy I looked. She laughed too and said, “I like you, I mean look how happy you are!” then I realized that I was really happy and it made me happier that my happiness was cute to them. I smiled widely and looked at the ground, too much praise. I said little and told them I must voyage onward. <br> <br> I looked for more music and dancing. I heard music, but I couldn’t find it. I traveled through campsites and reach a dense wall of shrubs and a big hill. Not something I wanted to climb into in my state. I wondered further into my spiritual state. I am looking for something magical I reminded myself, and eventually I find the music. It’s a band called Orgone. <br> <br> (t+04:00) Again I started to dance. How I loved this new thing; I never wanted to stop dancing. I saw what I thought were angry couples pulling each other out of the crowd. I figured out that they were strangers looking for privacy. I saw a girl in a beautiful dress. She held one side of it and was dancing. She had a soft shoulder, I wanted her to pull me out of the crowd, but I never got the confidence to dance with her. The singer talked about touching and how she liked to be touched. I wanted to be touched; I figured that it must be happening up front. I wanted to get up front bad, but I didn’t want to push people out of my way. Eventually, I made it up front, but it was toward the end of the set. <br> <br> One more song we yelled. They played another long jam. One more song we yelled again, I started the chant this time. I never wanted this to end. They refused to play another song. They came up onstage and said strange things. “Look at all you beautiful people, enjoy yourselves, and remember to clean up after your fine assed selves.” I felt beautiful. They came on stage again and said that the line between tomorrow morning and last night had been crossed. I didn’t want this to end. I refused. I talked to a few people who didn’t want to sleep either. I never said much, I didn’t feel like I had to say much. I was free from explaining or needing to talk. <br> <br> (t+05:30) They made a campfire nearby and started a drum circle with a guitar and a trumpet. A stranger named Tony was in charge. I danced around the campfire, not worrying about overheating. I danced in circles around and around with other people. This was all I needed, the music and the dance. I talked to people while dancing; I didn’t care much for conversation. The girl in the dress from Orgone was dancing there too. I wanted to dance with her and I did a little, but never got too personal. <br> <br> (t+05:30-10:30)(Order of events becomes hard to remember) <br> The whole night people were siting closer and closer to the fire, tony would tell them to move back but they wouldn’t. I had less and less room to dance and got closer and closer to the fire. I was hot, but I never took off my coat or paid much attention. I danced by one guy and touch him slightly, “Holy shit man you’re burning up! It’s like the hands of Satan!” I don’t pay much attention, but now I realize that I could have died that night by spending it dancing without taking off my coat or taking breaks. <br> <br> Two friends who graduated from my school a year before I did were siting by the campfire. They seemed to have taken something. I talked to them and one of them had a pacifier in her mouth, I thought this was stupid and stereotypical, but I realized that it was ridiculous for me to be dancing the way I was and that everything was cool. <br> <br> I saw the Goat and Lily around the fire. They had apparently found some really good Mollie and had crashed. They slumped over as they sat and struggled to stay awake. I tried to get them up to dance with me, but I realized I had to let them do their own thing. <br> <br> An old lady, who was dancing around the fire, passed me by and told me she wanted to put up my hair. I kept dancing. Later she came up to me and asked if I had a hair tie, I kept dancing. She looked for one and eventually gave up until she realized I had rubber bands on my arm, “look at you silly, you have them right here.” She sat me down away from the fire. I finally cooled down a little and realize how hot I was and I took off my big warm Mexican coat. She started to braid my hair, and she asked me where I was from, I told her and she told me that she was from the same town. I wanted to talk to her more openly, but I couldn’t. She told me about her friend who went to prison for heroin, how she had no clue her friend was doing heroin, and how I should never do heroin. <br> <br> Her friends lit up a bowl. She asked me how old I was, I told her 19. She said that I was old enough and then said, “oh god you‘re so young” and could not hand the bowl to me, so she handed it to her friend to hand to me. I took a hit. Eventually, she was done with my hair and I could dances again. My shirt is soaked with sweat, but I didn’t care. <br> <br> (t+09:30) I began to get tired. I decided to go back to my tent. I waved bye to everyone and danced slowly away to my tent. I tried to sleep. I remember my sleeping bag being very soft. I gave up on sleeping and got up to walk around. However, it was too cold out. I hid in my tent and still couldn’t sleep. I got out and got back in two more times. The experience was never clearly over. <br> <br> Eventually I am warm enough to walk around the festival again. I run into Eric and ask him how his trip was. He had thought we were following him when he left to look for his other friends, we did not. He ended up alone and scared. Although he found his friends and his trip was salvaged he had had a bad time. <br> <br> I feel like the ecstasy that I took that night made me feel more like I was in my place versus trying to figure out how to fit into a party. I liked this along with energy it gave me. The acid and the shrooms made me feel very spiritual. After the experience I had a long after glow and I feel like I had a deep insight into life that day. This was a very good combination for me. <br> <br> It’s worth mentioning that I do not think what I got that night was MDMA. After looking at ecstasydata.org, I think I took methylone (bk-MDMA), which is similar to MDMA, but among other differences it requires higher doses. <br> <br> <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: While it may be that the substance described is pure MDMA, Ecstasy/Molly tablets and powders are notoriously impure, misrepresented, or adulterated. Ecstasy sold in retail contexts such as festivals or parties often contain chemicals other than MDMA.]</span><!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 97586</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jan 1, 2015</td><td>Views: 9,550</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=97586&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=97586&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Mushrooms (39), Methylone (255), LSD (2) : Festival / Lg. Crowd (24), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">55 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> It was about midnight, my partner's sister had come over and smoked with us a while, and delivered some tabs. We took the tabs rather suddenly just after she left, and in retrospect it wasn't exactly ideal timing; I hadn't eaten all day and felt tired and nauseous. We had smoked quite a bit of weed though, and I was excited about finally having tabs again. <br> <br> I placed the tab under my tongue. She hadn't specified how much LSD each tab contained, but had assured us that these were much stronger than the last tabs we had gotten, which had apparently been weak, though we had had nothing to compare it to. <br> <br> I tried to eat some fruit and small things, but as I started to come up, I found food unappetizing and ate little. <br> <br> It came on quicker than I expected, and suddenly I found myself being aware that my body was terribly uncomfortable, although I didn't exactly feel my body in the regular way. I became aware that I may vomit, and asked my partner to bring me a bucket. We both felt totally calm throughout this time and throughout the whole trip, even thought I did end up throwing up twice into the bucket. I was aware of the discomfort to my body but again, didn't really feel it as I normally would. The worst part was trying to rid my sinuses and airways of mucus and vomit residue afterwards. <br> <br> After my stomach was empty, my mind became full. I became more and more disconnected from my physical body, although I would occasionally become aware of it suddenly and the fact that it was exhausted, and that I still had many hours of tripping left. It made me laugh, and I ascended, somewhere. I knew that this acid was indeed much stronger than what I'd tried previously, and that I was in for something I had never experienced before. I don't remember much from the peak, but my body was gone, I saw the void and the void saw me, I became aware of what I was and the all places I existed in, I saw myself for what I truly am. <br> <br> I saw a scale that was tipping, and I knew about our constant flipping back and forth and falling into and out along both sides, to each identical end, I knew positivity and negativity to be a fallacy existing only for us, that both poles were identical and we could put ourselves anywhere we want if we know how. <br> <br> As I came down a little, I started to get stuck on tangents. My body was weak and dehydrated, though I didn't realise, and I would try to get up and do things normally, and become annoyed when my body hindered me. I knew I had to fix my body, but after trying unsuccessfully a few times, I asked my partner to help me. I clung to him and said I needed nutrients and water, and that I was probably cold (but I couldn't feel it). He was sweet and helped me and I ate, and drank a LOT of water. I hadn't realised how dehydrated I had become. After that I felt immensely better, smoked some pot and came up a little again, and enjoyed the clouds and sunrise that had started to appear outside. <br> <br> Eventually me and my partner decided to sit outside until the sun came up. I enjoyed watching the birds and the trees living, and I stared at the branches of this one fir tree for a long time, telling my partner about it's roots that were growing under the concrete. Suddenly the tree seemed so alive, so conscious, and a light yellow aura appeared around it. I ogled at it in shock, as up until that point most of my visuals had been less obvious or close-eyed. The aura grew slightly and then seemed to 'burst' into a multitude of flowing patterns in the sky, ancient writing of some obscure language, symbols and eye and flowing light. It was beautiful, I felt as though the tree was trying to communicate something to me. I tried to show my partner but he distracted me by saying something about what he was seeing in another part of the sky. He said that he saw a kind of grid made of the edges of light, and as he said it I could see it too. We watched patterns together for a while, but soon realised it was quite cold outside and that we should go in. <br> <br> At this point we had been tripping for 6-7 hours and my partner was getting tired. I knew I was tired, my body was still exhausted, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep while the sun was up. I lay in bed while my partner fell asleep for a few hours, then realised I was still affected even though it had been a long time since I dosed. I was tired and becoming a bit paranoid so I got up and distracted myself with the computer for a few hours. After that, at around 3pm, 15 hours after dosing, I STILL felt affected and weird, my vision was dancing with movement and light and colours were as vivid as when I was peaking. My thoughts had been racing this entire time, my brain felt as though it was going 1000 times faster than it normally does, and I was getting quite sick of the feeling. I wished at that point I had kept some benzos around so I could make it stop and finally go to sleep. <br> <br> My partner woke up as it became dark and I clung somewhat pathetically to him, my emotions felt fragile and I didn't want him to leave my side. He left at one point to go to the store to get soda and I became afraid. I hugged my pet dog and remembered terrible things, and I cried. I was sure something terrible would happen too him whle he was gone, because someone was trying to make fun of me and wanted me to suffer, and I waited in terror for him to come back. He did, and I cried to him and begged him to forgive me for something terrible I did as a child. He calmed me, and said of course he forgave me, and I soon became calm and happy again. <br> <br> All I thought about afterwards was religious rituals in which people beg God for forgiveness, and since I felt I had seen the face of the thing that many recognise to be God (void), and it's true nature, I felt recognition in my actions. I thought also of the story of Adam and Eve, and I thought, knowledge is a gift you give yourself. LSD is a gift you give yourself. Learning is a gift you give to (everybody). I never thought I'd find any meaning in the bible, as I am not a religious person. But I recognised the bible as truth distorted through many, many generations, and recognised it as a beautiful thing. <br> <br> Although I felt calm and very tired, I still stayed awake until about 8pm, unable to sleep because of the visual distortion still plaguing my vision and the thoughts still racing in my mind. I had vague dark thoughts that this wouldn't dissipate, that I would stay this way forever, but I was too tired to entertain them much. I decided that it wouldn't be such a totally bad thing anyway, just a different way of living in this physical world. <br> <br> I finally fell asleep after laying in the dark for a long time, but woke up every few hours because of noise/bladder. Every time I woke up the distortions were less, but it took until the next evening before I felt properly returned to normal. <br> <br> Overall, I would say that this was a good trip, despite the bad timing and uncomfortable-ness of my body. I feel as though I was able to delve further into my trip because my body was so empty and exhausted. I saw things that changed me forever, and I gained an ability to remember truth and my abilities in this universe.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 95802</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 26, 2014</td><td>Views: 10,988</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=95802&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=95802&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cannabis (1) : General (1), Combinations (3), Hangover / Days After (46), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">110 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> In the past year, I have experimented with LSD and shrooms (among other drugs) quite often. I am currently 17, but I started using drugs when I was 13. The most recent experimentation I did with LSD was yesterday, while I was visiting my boyfriend’s college over Yom Kippur break. We had several tabs left over from the last time we did LSD, and we split them so that my boyfriend took approximately twice the amount that I did (because he is considerably larger than I am). Regardless of having taken much less LSD than he did, I think I definitely tripped harder, because I am young, female, and I weigh just under 100 pounds, so drugs affect me very strongly. <br> To be safe, we made sure that we weren’t using any other drugs or medications at the time. Neither of us were on any medications or pills. We were both in very positive moods, having spent a lot of time together, just relaxing and hanging around the college. We knew that the tabs were definitely LSD because we had previously taken some from the same batch. We have each done LSD 5 times prior to this experience, along with 5 trips on shrooms, and several experiments with DXM and salvia. The only foods we ate during the trip were cupcakes and skittles, which we ate at around 11pm (during the beginning of the comedown). The body-related effects we felt were an increased sensitivity to light, an inability to focus our eyes, slight dizziness, slight difficulty walking, twitching (only for me), and insensitivity to cold temperatures. The cognition-related effects that we felt included improved mood, thought patterns that were very different from normal, short-term memory loss, an increased sense of interest and insight, and increased sexual arousal. <br> ------ <br> Experience: <br> We put the tabs under our tongues at 2:35pm and sat around watching TV as we waited for the effects to begin. The first distinct effect that I noticed was that when I looked up at the textured ceiling, I immediately saw the bumps on the ceiling begin to swirl and darken to form faces and kaleidoscope-like patterns that twisted and turned. I also began to hear the sounds from outside begin to swirl and bubble in a dream-like way. <br> The way I experience LSD, all the effects are ones that would normally evoke fear or paranoia. For example, every time I do LSD, I hear this strong, constant background noise that gets louder and softer in dreamlike waves. This constant noise is made up of multiple sirens, car alarms, fire alarms, and other types of alarming noises. These noises don’t make me paranoid or scared on LSD, however, because despite these noises, I tend to feel very calm, with an overall sense of curiosity about these sounds, rather than fear of them. Another paranoid effect that LSD seems to have is the constant visuals of anguished, screaming faces. When I look at clouds, ceilings, hair, sheets, or any object with more than just a blank surface, I begin to see millions and millions of faces that are constantly moving around and changing. The faces are never smiling, however. They are in constant pain. The faces are swirling around each other with their mouths open, looking as if they are dead or dying. When I look at clouds, specifically, the faces tend to look more like skulls, corpses, and ghosts that are all attached and piled on top of one another, each screaming silently. This again doesn’t bother me or cause me to have a bad trip, but I always find it interesting that LSD seems to be designed to scare the person who takes it. <br> Another interesting thing about the faces I see on acid is that a lot of the time they mimic the facial expressions that I make at them. As I stared at the textured ceiling in my boyfriend’s dorm room, I made many different facial expressions – from happiness to pain to anger – and saw that the faces tended to copy these expressions by changing their mouths from open to closed or their eyes from small to large. The only expression they didn’t mimic was happiness. The faces I see tend to only have an emotional range that goes from neutral to pain. However, when I looked over at my boyfriend, who has long curly hair, I saw that he had multiple faces clinging to his hair. When he smiled at me, it seemed as if all the faces did too, however the smiles weren’t really visible, and the faces seemed instead to be sending out a positive emotional wave, rather than giving visible smiles. <br> Another characteristic of an LSD trip (that distinguishes it from a psilocybin trip, for me) is that it gives me the urgent feeling that I need to explain the universe and the meaning of life. Though my thoughts rarely reach a conclusion on the reasons for the universe, I feel like I have discovered many things about life that I wouldn’t have thought of without the help of LSD. For example, it would never have occurred to me that people are really invisible. Of course this sounds silly, but imagine that you could only see in radio waves, rather than in the range of white (visible) light. In this case, you would not be able to see people, because radio waves (and many other types of waves) pass right through us. Realizing this made me think that there could be many other forms of life that exist right on top of us, and because they might be made of energy, they could pass right through us, and we wouldn’t know it. This makes sense to me (especially while I’m on LSD), because humans (and all matter) are 99% empty space, leaving a lot of room for energy and small amounts of neutral matter to pass right through us. <br> My boyfriend and I smoked a bowl, and then sat around watching TV and brainstorming for a while. Watching TV on LSD is one of the most amazing and confusing things to do. First of all, on LSD, it is almost impossible to see the actors as real people in a real situation, as you would normally. Instead, you see the actors reading the lines that they memorized from a script, and moving around in ways that they had rehearsed many times. Instead of seeing the emotions that they are trying to portray in relation to the TV show, I see the emotions that they feel while reading the script lines, and how they feel being at work as an actor. Commercials also seem completely ridiculous in the same way, because the manipulation involved in marketing products becomes so noticeably obvious. <br> Eventually, my boyfriend and I decided to go outside and take a walk around the lake. It took us almost 2 hours to get outside because we kept forgetting that we wanted to go outside, and it took me forever to put socks and shoes on, as this process took an immense amount of effort and concentration. I could feel the LSD beginning to peak as we tried to go outside. <br> An interesting thing about LSD is that since I have done it many times, I am always prepared for the effects, and as such, I can compensate for them. For example, I have learned how to walk normally while on acid, whereas the first time I did acid, I was unable to walk unless I was following someone else and copying how they walked. When I stood up to walk for the first time on this LSD trip, I found that the walk was quite similar to the robo-walk created by DXM, however it was very much less intense and I still had complete control over my movements. <br> Once we finally did make our way outside (around 6pm), we walked down to the lake and sat on a bench near the edge. It’s the beginning of autumn, and the trees were extremely beautiful that day. They were all sorts of different colors and shapes, and the weeping willows that gently touched the surface of the water made the view look like the most perfect painting ever. A pair of ducks swam in the center of the lake, and another pair flew overhead, which added to the perfection of the scenery. I wanted to stay right there forever, watching the stunningly picturesque scenery. The water was perfectly calm and created a flawless reflection of the trees surrounding the lake. At this point I began to think about water, and how it is extremely similar to air. This made me start to feel the heaviness and thickness of air, and I got up from the bench to see how air felt to move around in. I realized that the dust particles in the air are just like the sediments in water, and this connection made the world seem a lot more purposeful. <br> Farther down along the edge of the lake, a woman began banging a pot on the rail of a bridge. Immediately, I began tapping my foot to the beat of the noise she was making. This was completely involuntary, and seemed perfectly natural. During the entire trip, there was this constant noise that was made up of the sounds of other people, cars, animals, and a background noise that my mind had put together from noises I could not distinguish. I could feel this noise, and I could move my hands through the air to control and change the noise. However, at the same time that my hands were controlling the noise, they were also just going with the flow of it, creating a perfect balance between having my hands control the sounds while also letting my mind take control of my hands. (This had also happened to me once before on a shrooms trip, where it had been more intense, and instead of going with the flow of the noise, the noise controlled my hands and moved them with it). <br> We got up from the bench and continued walking around the perimeter of the lake. We passed by several other groups of people who were sitting by the edge of the lake. Typically, when I pass by a group of people, I barely notice them or think about them. However, on LSD, any small encounter or interaction with another unknown person is a very big deal. LSD makes me unable to act normally in even the smallest social situations, because I am suddenly unable to understand what other people are feeling or thinking. On LSD, I never know where to look when I am passing by a person, or if they know I’m on LSD, or if they’re thinking about me, or what I’ll say to them if they start a conversation with me. When this happens, my heart immediately starts to beat faster and my thoughts become even more jumbled and confused than they were to begin with, and as a result I get scared and paranoid, though I can never reason out a true cause for this paranoia. <br> Once we got back to the dorm room, we both talked about how other people immediately make us intensely nervous. While discussing this, I realized that communications between people (and animals) are very strange, and almost meaningless. This is because one person is never able to truly communicate his or her thoughts and feelings to another person. The best a person can do is to describe these thoughts with the limited amount of words that languages offer. In addition to this, people all respond differently to different situations and stimuli, and one person will never be able to understand exactly how another person reacts or feels. We are alone in our own minds… weird. We are also alone inside ourselves, and no matter how physically close you get to a person, you will always still be two separate beings. <br> I continued thinking about minds and thoughts, and I started thinking about free will. I came to the conclusion that free will is not anything at all, and that there is not even the possibility for such a thing. If we had “free will,” this would mean that our actions and decisions are not controlled by reason and cause. As a result, there would be an effect (whatever action I did using “free will”) without a cause, meaning that cause and effect would no longer be related. Our brains prevent this “free will”, thankfully, so that we don’t go around doing random things for no reason. Brains are computers, composed of even smaller computers (neurons), which are then composed of even smaller computers (atoms), and so on. Because of this, there is always cause and effect, and there can be no effect without a cause, and therefore we cannot just do things randomly and without a reason. Looking back on this thought, it seems fairly rational, because my view of humans is that we are very complex computers, as opposed to being the magical free-willed beings that many people think we are. <br> We smoked another bowl and turned on the TV again, to MTV, which was playing Paris Hilton’s My New BFF. We discussed this show in great depth, and realized that the interactions between the people on this show was so deep and complicated that it was extremely difficult to understand how people can interact with each other so easily. <br> We decided to turn off the TV, and I let my mind wander for a bit. I started thinking about food, and how strange it was that our natural tendency was to put other objects inside of ourselves (eating). This seemed even stranger when I realized that the objects we eat are the objects that we are composed of. So, essentially, we are composed of non-living material, because that is what we eat. This made me realize that we are no different from solid, inanimate objects like beds, chairs and apples, because we are made up of the same elements (carbon, oxygen, etc). What I concluded from all this brainstorming was that since we are made up of non-living material, we are therefore also non-living and that there is no such thing as being “alive.” Since humans are able to move and “think” and have “free-will,” people have this strange idea that we are significantly different (and much more important) than objects in the world around us. Unfortunately for them, we are really just the same as the inanimate beds and chairs, and that eventually we will also become inanimate. <br> For a very brief moment, I got the strangest, scariest feeling that I was trapped inside life, inside my body, inside this universe, and that there was nothing I could do to escape from it. It was the same feeling that people often get when they think too much about death and become afraid of the fact that death is inevitable, and that there’s nothing they can do about it (except to accept it). Fortunately, this feeling lasted only for a second or two, and didn’t ruin my trip. <br> From my experiences with LSD, and from what I know about it, I can tell that LSD does not create or invent new things. Instead, it just works to intensify the amount of sensory input that I receive from the world. From what I understand, the visuals that I experience on LSD appear to move because my eyes are constantly moving over the surface on which I see these visuals. Since my pupils are dilated and my eyes are unable to come together to focus on any one object, I am unable to keep my eyes still (or my body still), and therefore my eyes continuously wander back and forth across the ceiling, creating these patterns and faces that are constantly shifting and changing. <br> At one point during the trip, I got up from the bed to look at a Jimi Hendrix poster hanging on the wall. This poster was done in a Buddhist-style, featuring Jimi Hendrix in the center, with Buddhist deities next to him and behind him. Their arms also extended out from behind him, and altogether, this image became an intense optical illusion. The arms appeared to move, and the faces all took on a personality of their own. I began to notice details in the poster than I hadn’t noticed before. My boyfriend said that he had also only noticed these details while tripping on shrooms. <br> LSD makes sex about a million times better, to the point where it feels like a cocaine rush, but without the crash or the cravings. We had sex several times, often while we were brainstorming and sitting around in the dorm room. I recall one time we had sex, which was probably during the peak of our trips. It felt exactly like the super-pleasure rush that other people describe while doing cocaine. It was almost too intense and too much to handle. I didn’t even know that was possible. However, what is really awesome about sex on LSD is that afterwards, you aren’t left craving more or feeling emotionally low or depressed. <br> Many times during this trip, I also found that I could not keep my body still. There was a period of about 5 to 10 minutes when my facial muscles began twitching excessively, which made my facial expressions change rapidly. Later on, I realized that my legs had been vibrating for a while, while also twitching occasionally. I noticed this constant twitch especially at night (around 3am), when my boyfriend went to sleep. I tried to go to sleep at the same time, but my trip was far from being over, so I tossed and turned and twitched and fussed, and it was impossible to get to sleep. I remember looking at the clock at 5:22am. At this point I was still not physically tired, and my eyes were still wide open and un-blinking. However, my mind was tired of being bombarded with intense pulses of sensory input, so there was this huge conflict between the energy I felt physically, and the fatigue I felt in my mind. I experienced the effects of this mental fatigue for several days afterwards, in the form of minor headaches (however this could also have been the result of not having slept correctly for about 6 days in a row). I think I may have gotten to sleep by around 6:30am. Therefore, my trip lasted from approximately 3pm to 6am: 16 hours. <br> <br> Retrospection: <br> This was definitely one of the most intense trips I’ve ever had, and I definitely discovered a lot more about life than I had on any other trip. What LSD does best for me is that it always makes me a lot more curious and observant about the world and about myself. It makes me think about things that we all overlook because they are so familiar to us: Things like eating, breathing, and existing. These discoveries that I make about my life stay with me, and I continue thinking about them for a long time after the trip. With each new LSD trip, I rediscover things that I forgot about. On the Shulgin Scale, this would definitely get a +++, though at times I could see my trip starting to head towards a ++++ on this scale. <br> I have also finally figured out how to do an LSD trip the right way. This “right way” includes being away from people (such as parents) who will want to know where I am at all different times of the day. It also include doing LSD with someone I trust (my boyfriend), and letting other people (his roommates) know that we are doing drugs.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 86012</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: May 4, 2015</td><td>Views: 8,182</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=86012&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=86012&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">100 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Overview: <br> <br> In the past year, I have experimented with LSD and shrooms (among other drugs) quite often. I am currently 17, but I started using drugs when I was 13. The most recent experimentation I did with LSD was yesterday, while I was visiting my boyfriend’s college over Yom Kippur break. We had several tabs left over from the last time we did LSD, and we split them so that my boyfriend took approximately twice the amount that I did (because he is considerably larger than I am). Regardless of having taken much less LSD than he did, I definitely tripped harder, because I am young, female, and I weigh just under 100 pounds, so drugs affect me very strongly. <br> <br> To be safe, we made sure that we weren’t using any other drugs or medications at the time. Neither of us were on any medications or pills. We were both in very positive moods, having spent a lot of time together, just relaxing and hanging around the college. We knew that the tabs were definitely LSD because we had previously taken some from the same batch. <br> <br> We have each done LSD 5 times prior to this experience, along with 5 trips on shrooms, and several experiments with DXM and salvia. The only foods we ate during the trip were cupcakes and skittles, which we ate at around 11pm (during the beginning of the comedown). The body-related effects we felt were an increased sensitivity to light, an inability to focus our eyes, slight dizziness, slight difficulty walking, twitching (only for me), and insensitivity to cold temperatures. The cognition-related effects that we felt included improved mood, thought patterns that were very different from normal, short-term memory loss, an increased sense of interest and insight, and increased sexual arousal. <br> <br> ------ <br> <br> Experience: <br> <br> We put the tabs under our tongues at 2:35pm and sat around watching TV as we waited for the effects to begin. The first distinct effect that I noticed was that when I looked up at the textured ceiling, I immediately saw the bumps on the ceiling begin to swirl and darken to form faces and kaleidoscope-like patterns that twisted and turned. I also began to hear the sounds from outside begin to swirl and bubble in a dream-like way. <br> <br> The way I experience LSD, all the effects are ones that would normally evoke fear or paranoia. For example, every time I do LSD, I hear this strong, constant background noise that gets louder and softer in dreamlike waves. This constant noise is made up of multiple sirens, car alarms, fire alarms, and other types of alarming noises. These noises don’t make me paranoid or scared on LSD, however, because despite these noises, I tend to feel very calm, with an overall sense of curiosity about these sounds, rather than fear of them. Another paranoid effect that LSD seems to have is the constant visuals of anguished, screaming faces. <br> <br> When I look at clouds, ceilings, hair, sheets, or any object with more than just a blank surface, I begin to see millions and millions of faces that are constantly moving around and changing. The faces are never smiling, however. They are in constant pain. The faces are swirling around each other with their mouths open, looking as if they are dead or dying. When I look at clouds, specifically, the faces tend to look more like skulls, corpses, and ghosts that are all attached and piled on top of one another, each screaming silently. This again doesn’t bother me or cause me to have a bad trip, but I always find it interesting that LSD seems to be designed to scare the person who takes it. <br> <br> Another interesting thing about the faces I see on acid is that a lot of the time they mimic the facial expressions that I make at them. As I stared at the textured ceiling in my boyfriend’s dorm room, I made many different facial expressions – from happiness to pain to anger – and saw that the faces tended to copy these expressions by changing their mouths from open to closed or their eyes from small to large. The only expression they didn’t mimic was happiness. The faces I see tend to only have an emotional range that goes from neutral to pain. However, when I looked over at my boyfriend, who has long curly hair, I saw that he had multiple faces clinging to his hair. When he smiled at me, it seemed as if all the faces did too, however the smiles weren’t really visible, and the faces seemed instead to be sending out a positive emotional wave, rather than giving visible smiles. <br> <br> Another characteristic of my LSD trips (that distinguishes them from psilocybin trips, for me) is that they gives me the urgent feeling that I need to explain the universe and the meaning of life. Though my thoughts rarely reach a conclusion on the reasons for the universe, I feel like I have discovered many things about life that I wouldn’t have thought of without the help of LSD. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">Though my thoughts rarely reach a conclusion on the reasons for the universe, I feel like I have discovered many things about life that I wouldn’t have thought of without the help of LSD. </div></div> <br> <br> <pfor example it would never have occurred to me that people are really invisible. of course this sounds silly but imagine you could only see in radio waves rather than the range white light. case not be able because many other types pass right through us. realizing made think there forms life exist on top us and they might energy we wouldn know it. makes sense while i lsd humans all matter empty space leaving a lot room for small amounts neutral></pfor> <br> My boyfriend and I smoked a bowl, and then sat around watching TV and brainstorming for a while. Watching TV on LSD is one of the most amazing and confusing things to do. First of all, on LSD, it is almost impossible to see the actors as real people in a real situation, as you would normally. Instead, you see the actors reading the lines that they memorized from a script, and moving around in ways that they had rehearsed many times. Instead of seeing the emotions that they are trying to portray in relation to the TV show, I see the emotions that they feel while reading the script lines, and how they feel being at work as an actor. Commercials also seem completely ridiculous in the same way, because the manipulation involved in marketing products becomes so noticeably obvious. <br> <br> Eventually, my boyfriend and I decided to go outside and take a walk around the lake. It took us almost 2 hours to get outside because we kept forgetting that we wanted to go outside, and it took me forever to put socks and shoes on, as this process took an immense amount of effort and concentration. I could feel the LSD beginning to peak as we tried to go outside. <br> <br> An interesting thing about LSD is that since I have done it many times, I am always prepared for the effects, and as such, I can compensate for them. For example, I have learned how to walk normally while on acid, whereas the first time I did acid, I was unable to walk unless I was following someone else and copying how they walked. When I stood up to walk for the first time on this LSD trip, I found that the walk was quite similar to the robo-walk created by DXM, however it was very much less intense and I still had complete control over my movements. <br> <br> Once we finally did make our way outside (around 6pm), we walked down to the lake and sat on a bench near the edge. It’s the beginning of autumn, and the trees were extremely beautiful that day. They were all sorts of different colors and shapes, and the weeping willows that gently touched the surface of the water made the view look like the most perfect painting ever. A pair of ducks swam in the center of the lake, and another pair flew overhead, which added to the perfection of the scenery. <br> <br> I wanted to stay right there forever, watching the stunningly picturesque scenery. The water was perfectly calm and created a flawless reflection of the trees surrounding the lake. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I wanted to stay right there forever, watching the stunningly picturesque scenery. The water was perfectly calm and created a flawless reflection of the trees surrounding the lake.</div></div> At this point I began to think about water, and how it is extremely similar to air. This made me start to feel the heaviness and thickness of air, and I got up from the bench to see how air felt to move around in. I realized that the dust particles in the air are just like the sediments in water, and this connection made the world seem a lot more purposeful. <br> <br> Farther down along the edge of the lake, a woman began banging a pot on the rail of a bridge. Immediately, I began tapping my foot to the beat of the noise she was making. This was completely involuntary, and seemed perfectly natural. During the entire trip, there was this constant noise that was made up of the sounds of other people, cars, animals, and a background noise that my mind had put together from noises I could not distinguish. I could feel this noise, and I could move my hands through the air to control and change the noise. However, at the same time that my hands were controlling the noise, they were also just going with the flow of it, creating a perfect balance between having my hands control the sounds while also letting my mind take control of my hands. (This had also happened to me once before on a shrooms trip, where it had been more intense, and instead of going with the flow of the noise, the noise controlled my hands and moved them with it). <br> <br> We got up from the bench and continued walking around the perimeter of the lake. We passed by several other groups of people who were sitting by the edge of the lake. Typically, when I pass by a group of people, I barely notice them or think about them. <br> <br> However, on LSD, any small encounter or interaction with another unknown person is a very big deal. LSD makes me unable to act normally in even the smallest social situations, because I am suddenly unable to understand what other people are feeling or thinking. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">However, on LSD, any small encounter or interaction with another unknown person is a very big deal. LSD makes me unable to act normally in even the smallest social situations, because I am suddenly unable to understand what other people are feeling or thinking.</div></div> On LSD, I never know where to look when I am passing by a person, or if they know I’m on LSD, or if they’re thinking about me, or what I’ll say to them if they start a conversation with me. When this happens, my heart immediately starts to beat faster and my thoughts become even more jumbled and confused than they were to begin with, and as a result I get scared and paranoid, though I can never reason out a true cause for this paranoia. <br> <br> Once we got back to the dorm room, we both talked about how other people immediately make us intensely nervous. While discussing this, I realized that communications between people (and animals) are very strange, and almost meaningless. This is because one person is never able to truly communicate his or her thoughts and feelings to another person. The best a person can do is to describe these thoughts with the limited amount of words that languages offer. In addition to this, people all respond differently to different situations and stimuli, and one person will never be able to understand exactly how another person reacts or feels. We are alone in our own minds... weird. We are also alone inside ourselves, and no matter how physically close you get to a person, you will always still be two separate beings. <br> <br> I continued thinking about minds and thoughts, and I started thinking about free will. I came to the conclusion that free will is not anything at all, and that there is not even the possibility for such a thing. If we had “free will”, this would mean that our actions and decisions are not controlled by reason and cause. As a result, there would be an effect (whatever action I did using “free will”) without a cause, meaning that cause and effect would no longer be related. Our brains prevent this “free will”, thankfully, so that we don’t go around doing random things for no reason. Brains are computers, composed of even smaller computers (neurons), which are then composed of even smaller computers (atoms), and so on. Because of this, there is always cause and effect, and there can be no effect without a cause, and therefore we cannot just do things randomly and without a reason. Looking back on this thought, it seems fairly rational, because my view of humans is that we are very complex computers, as opposed to being the magical free-willed beings that many people think we are. <br> <br> We smoked another bowl and turned on the TV again, to MTV, which was playing Paris Hilton’s My New BFF. We discussed this show in great depth, and realized that the interactions between the people on this show was so deep and complicated that it was extremely difficult to understand how people can interact with each other so easily. <br> <br> We decided to turn off the TV, and I let my mind wander for a bit. I started thinking about food, and how strange it was that our natural tendency was to put other objects inside of ourselves (eating). This seemed even stranger when I realized that the objects we eat are the objects that we are composed of. So, essentially, we are composed of non-living material, because that is what we eat. This made me realize that we are no different from solid, inanimate objects like beds, chairs and apples, because we are made up of the same elements (carbon, oxygen, etc) <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">This made me realize that we are no different from solid, inanimate objects like beds, chairs and apples, because we are made up of the same elements (carbon, oxygen, etc)</div></div>. What I concluded from all this brainstorming was that since we are made up of non-living material, we are therefore also non-living and that there is no such thing as being “alive.” Since humans are able to move and “think” and have “free-will”, people have this strange idea that we are significantly different (and much more important) than objects in the world around us. Unfortunately for them, we are really just the same as the inanimate beds and chairs, and that eventually we will also become inanimate. <br> <br> For a very brief moment, I got the strangest, scariest feeling that I was trapped inside life, inside my body, inside this universe, and that there was nothing I could do to escape from it. It was the same feeling that people often get when they think too much about death and become afraid of the fact that death is inevitable, and that there’s nothing they can do about it (except to accept it). Fortunately, this feeling lasted only for a second or two, and didn’t ruin my trip. <br> <br> From my experiences with LSD, and from what I know about it, I can tell that LSD does not create or invent new things. Instead, it just works to intensify the amount of sensory input that I receive from the world. From what I understand, the visuals that I experience on LSD appear to move because my eyes are constantly moving over the surface on which I see these visuals. Since my pupils are dilated and my eyes are unable to come together to focus on any one object, I am unable to keep my eyes still (or my body still), and therefore my eyes continuously wander back and forth across the ceiling, creating these patterns and faces that are constantly shifting and changing. <br> <br> At one point during the trip, I got up from the bed to look at a Jimi Hendrix poster hanging on the wall. This poster was done in a Buddhist-style, featuring Jimi Hendrix in the center, with Buddhist deities next to him and behind him. Their arms also extended out from behind him, and altogether, this image became an intense optical illusion. The arms appeared to move, and the faces all took on a personality of their own. I began to notice details in the poster than I hadn’t noticed before. My boyfriend said that he had also only noticed these details while tripping on shrooms. <br> <br> LSD makes sex about a million times better, to the point where it feels like a cocaine rush, but without the crash or the cravings. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">LSD makes sex about a million times better, to the point where it feels like a cocaine rush, but without the crash or the cravings.</div></div> We had sex several times, often while we were brainstorming and sitting around in the dorm room. I recall one time we had sex, which was probably during the peak of our trips. It felt exactly like the super-pleasure rush that other people describe while doing cocaine. It was almost too intense and too much to handle. I didn’t even know that was possible. However, what is really awesome about sex on LSD is that afterwards, you aren’t left craving more or feeling emotionally low or depressed. <br> <br> Many times during this trip, I also found that I could not keep my body still. There was a period of about 5 to 10 minutes when my facial muscles began twitching excessively, which made my facial expressions change rapidly. Later on, I realized that my legs had been vibrating for a while, while also twitching occasionally. I noticed this constant twitch especially at night (around 3am), when my boyfriend went to sleep. I tried to go to sleep at the same time, but my trip was far from being over, so I tossed and turned and twitched and fussed, and it was impossible to get to sleep. I remember looking at the clock at 5:22am. At this point I was still not physically tired, and my eyes were still wide open and un-blinking. <br> <br> However, my mind was tired of being bombarded with intense pulses of sensory input, so there was this huge conflict between the energy I felt physically, and the fatigue I felt in my mind. I experienced the effects of this mental fatigue for several days afterwards, in the form of minor headaches (however this could also have been the result of not having slept correctly for about 6 days in a row). I think I may have gotten to sleep by around 6:30am. Therefore, my trip lasted from approximately 3pm to 6am: 16 hours. <br> <br> -------- <br> <br> Retrospection: <br> <br> This was definitely one of the most intense trips I’ve ever had, and I definitely discovered a lot more about life than I had on any other trip. What LSD does best for me is that it always makes me a lot more curious and observant about the world and about myself. It makes me think about things that we all overlook because they are so familiar to us: Things like eating, breathing, and existing. These discoveries that I make about my life stay with me, and I continue thinking about them for a long time after the trip. With each new LSD trip, I rediscover things that I forgot about. On the Shulgin Scale, this would definitely get a +++, though at times I could see my trip starting to head towards a ++++ on this scale. <br> <br> I have also finally figured out how to do an LSD trip the right way. This “right way” includes being away from people (such as parents) who will want to know where I am at all different times of the day. It also include doing LSD with someone I trust (my boyfriend), and letting other people (his roommates) know that we are doing drugs.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 74570</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Sep 1, 2015</td><td>Views: 10,210</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=74570&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=74570&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Cannabis (1), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Hangover / Days After (46), Sex Discussion (14), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">55 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> In 2003 I took a trip to New Zealand and met this dude. This summer holidays he came over to Brazil (where I'm originally from) to take a one month trip through the coast. We went to Salvador in Bahia, and from there we caught a catamaran to this island called Boipeba. It's a beautiful place, paradisiac beaches, hot chicks and all of that. I was not really sure about taking psychedelic drugs, as I usually bad trip on losing control over things, but since I had tried mescaline on new years with no adverse effects, I thought 'yeah, what the fuck, everyone has to try acid at least once in his life'. As I said the setting was perfect for it, and he was an experienced user, I went for it. <br> <br> This is a funny part of the story: we had found a huge rock of hash at the hostel we were staying at, so we traded it for a hit of acid with this daft hippy dude. In fact we were trying to buy some coke (after all, he had came to South America), but he only had tabs, so we traded for it. <br> <br> It was about 1 in the morning, I took half and so he did. When it hit, I felt my fingers tingly, my body was feeling a bit weird, and I was really agitated. Then we sat on the city centre square (it's a 5000 inhabitants place) and started smoking durrys with our feet, laughing in a real light way. In about 30 minutes we both lay back introspective, and that's when I first noticed that the colours were brighter, but since I was expecting an exciting trip (as the mescaline was, and as coke is) all I did was to get daft and do stupid things such as drunken behaviour. <br> <br> We headed back to the hostel for a while (mind you I wasn't hallucinating at all), and lay down to sleep. We turned off the lights and we both turned on our IPods (that's when I realised I was hallucinating), and started swinging them around to see that it created a huge trail of light, like a series of blue screens at the same time floating in the air. We got a bit agitated from that, and started making jokes, talking about the trip. He saw the wooden walls melting, and everything breathing. He told me his dad had taken it back in the day, and we started laughing about thinking of Greg on tabs, as he is a real serious person. This lead us to an obnoxious state, because we both felt like hanging out and enjoying the trip. So we went to the beach to see the sunrise. <br> <br> We go to the beach at about 4 in the morning, and it was still dark. So we went to the other end of the beach. When walking, I saw the lines the waves marked on the sand deconstructing and reconstructing, and generally everything was brighter, blurred. When we got to the other end of the beach, we sat by a resort recreational area that was deserted by that time and started imagining that Fraulein Zeiss the generic gringo mother of three with her kids would come down and meet up two acid rots on the beach, saying 'mein Gott!'. Thats when the acid started making my thoughts become an incontestable truth to me, and I 'realised' he was the average bloke, the fair dinkum. He had never struck me as an aussie, but from that moment on, while I was tripping, he was one. <br> <br> We headed back, and all the lines were deconstructing and reconstructing, such as the horizon, the shore line and the wave marks on sand. We laughed all the way back. Mid way I started hallucinating badly, even though I could only realise that after it was over. I looked at him, and his face was morphing into something scary, he looked like Paddy McGuinness, his eyes and hair became really dark, his receding hairline, cheek bones and ears all came apart from each other, making his face ugly. I had a feeling that time was revolving, as I looked at him and it seemed like a deja vu every time. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I had a feeling that time was revolving, as I looked at him and it seemed like a deja vu every time.</div></div> We got to this spot where I lay on the sand, and he went in the shallow waters and sat there. I looked up at the sky, and it was beautiful, vanilla coloured clouds at 6 in the morning. I felt whole, joyful, and this vanilla sky thing stuck in my head in the acid sort of fixed idea. I thought to myself 'man I really should take tabs with my ex girlfriend'. That's when I was struck by an eternal moment, and got scared shitless. <br> <br> In one moment I realised that I was far out, that I could never get out of that spot in the sand, and that there was so much I wanted to do with my life that I couldn't get stuck on that trip. I called him up and said 'bro we gotta go, I'm really scared of being here'. We went back to the hostel, and on the way back I had my final great moments of trippy happiness. I was struck by another eternal moment in the woods, but this time it seemed like the environment was more familiar, and this time I just said 'wooow this shit's powerful!'. We got back to the hostel and went into town to buy eats, and in all of the course I was scared that I wasn't in the consensual reality, and that I could get myself in shit for it. My rear vision was bent and my time perception was completely messed up. We bought some miserable cheap cocoa puffs that didn't sit well at all in my stomach. <br> <br> Headed back to the hostel, and when we got there I vomited all I had eaten. I sat and listened to Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin and it made sense to me! We started drawing, and I made a lisergic masterpiece in which reads 'VANILLA amore te amo', in reference to the vanilla sky strain on thought. I wrote some mind-numbing senseless texts talking about how I was far out and wanted to go back. An excerpt: 'I am a maroon of reality'. <br> <br> That's when things got bad, I got frightened by the idea that I'd be left alone and that no matter how much I tried I'd never function normally like I did prior to acid. My mate comforted me, saying that he had seen that many times before in first experiences. Every time I looked at something I realised I was still hallucinating badly (eg. He was uglier then on the beach, the sky was green, there were patches of either purple or green everywhere, and when I shut my eyes I saw tridimensional visuals). Instead of relaxing and enjoying the shut eyes visuals, which were by all means absolutely fantastic, I couldn't get my mind off the fact that I might not ever come back to the consensual reality. I had just broken up a relationship and she made me really miserable, because she meant a lot to me, so I started talking about her to him, and I started crying like a baby over her. I asked him to get my wallet she had given to me, held it as if it was her. From that moment on, there's nothing much worth mentioning as it was pretty much the same thing. Even my memory has selected the parts previous to this, as I can't really remember much of my bad trip. All I can remember is that it was overwhelming, powerful, miserable. I stated that it had been the worst hours of my life, and I can't remember many worse hours then these. <br> <br> I don't really know which level of psychedelic experience I reached, as there are elements of both 2d and 3d stage. <br> <br> I shut my eyes and talked to him about the visuals for quite a while, before I got totally exhausted and decided to go to bed. When I woke up I was frightened that I'd not fully left the trip, and started searching my senses for everything that could be hallucinations. I only relaxed when I read online about the post traumatic stress disorder, and that the effects of the drug itself had vanished long before. I could finally relax that I had come again to Konsensual Reality Inc.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 69875</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 17, 2016</td><td>Views: 9,639</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=69875&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=69875&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Bad Trips (6), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Background: <br> I'm an 18 year old high school senior. Minor experience with cannabis and alcohol. No major experience with psychoactives beyond those, and none at all with LSD. Purchase five hits of LSD on blotter paper, approx. 5cm square, plain. My friend J tells me that this is 'strong acid', citing that he had tripped for twenty three hours on two hits. I couldn't determine the truthfulness of his statement, but I had no personal experience with the drug, so I resolved to take a single hit for my first experience. <br> <br> T + 00:00 - Roughly 4:00 PM <br> I took out my blotter paper, detached a single dose and stuck it on my tongue. Moved it around a bit, and walked into the movie Across The Universe with my friend K. She had resolved to sit for me while I trip. Movie starts, no noticeable effects. <br> <br> T + 01:00 <br> I start to connect with the movie on a really deep emotional level. Now, I had never seen the movie before, but based on other similar movies, I doubt I would have ever cried had I not been on LSD. The drug seemed to amplify my emotions past the normal barriers. The highs and lows of a regular emotional roller coaster did not limit the highs and lows I could goto on LSD. No noticeable visual or physical effects. <br> <br> T + ~01:45 <br> I begin getting tingling sensations in my feet and lower back. Interesting to note was the fact that they didn't happen unless I concentrated on the area in question. Unless I was conciously thinking about moving my foot or adjusting my body in the chair, I didn't feel anything. No visual effects. Still had major emotional connection to the actors on screen. <br> <br> T + 02:30 <br> Exit the movie thinking 'That was a really good movie'. I vocalize these thoughts to K, who agrees. This is her second time to see the movie, and she thinks it is even better this time around. We get in K's car and drive for a while. I begin to have faint trails in my vision. For instance, my mind gives my hand a command to move, but it has a two second delay before the hand moves. Sometimes, this delay works the other way around, and I find my body moving before my mind tells it to. I also become intensely talkative. K and I have a most fascinating conversation about music. <br> <br> T + 03:00 - Roughly 7:00 PM <br> We pull up at a park and get out to talk. At this point, I think it is fair to say I had a minor freak out. The physical aspect of the drug, namely the tingling sensation in the lower back and feet, spreads to my entire body. If I even look at a part of my body, I feel tingles that shouldn't happen, like seeing something that doesn't exist naturally. Oddly enough, this doesn't happen with anything else I look at, although I experience constant trails no matter what I'm looking at. <br> <br> T + 03:15 <br> I have what I called a moment of clarity. K will probably remember that phrase for the rest of her life because I probably said it a hundred million times. During this moment of clarity I realize that there are three distinct effects of this drug. One, is the physical high. The tingling sensation in my body that isn't natural. Two, is the visual aspects. Right now, all I'm experiencing is trails and slight fuzziness, but this expands later in the trip. Three, most importantly, is the mental aspect. I felt like if I wanted to, I could sit down and prove General Relativity. The mental capacity of my mind seemed to expand tenfold. I was thinking a mile a minute, jumping from conclusion to conclusion in a manner only a Mentat could. I felt as though this aspect of the drug would lead me to enlightenment, nirvana, heaven or some other ethereal place. Not from the innate properties of the drug, but from the sense that my mind could accomplish anything I wanted. This third aspect of the drug undoubtedly took prominence throughout the night. I continue to discuss life with K, having new insight on topics that we traditionally just went in circles about. <br> <br> T + 03:45. <br> Around this time, I am extremely grateful that K is with me. She has provided topics for me to think about, which I wouldn't have otherwise been able to think about. Around this time I get the sense that I have to, in a sense, 'fight' the first two aspects of the drug to have the mental clarity that I want. If I relax my guard for even a second, the physical body high takes over and my mental capacity suffers. Around this time, a strange character shows up at our park. A car pulls up and he gets out, walking around, smoking his cigarette. Then the car drives away. He continues to wonder around the park, nonchalantly getting closer and closer to us, while trying to appear not to. We get a little spooked and head over to the car and drive away, talking all the time. <br> <br> T + 04:30 <br> We exit the car at a grocery store. I have no idea why we're at a grocery store, but we are. I said something to K to the tune of 'I need to get out of the car because I need to stop vibrating'. Her car was a diesel. Anyway, we walk around sprouts for a while, then go sit on the hood of her car. A weird woman pulls up next to us and sits in her car talking on the phone. We get spooked again and head out. <br> <br> T + 05:00 - Roughly 9:00 PM <br> We end up at a convenience store that is closed. We sit and talk, and I come to the conclusion that K is the most beautiful girl I've ever met. Not for her physical appearance, although she is very pretty, but for her mind. For some reason, it is even more evident to me in this altered state that she has the mind of a Mensa member and isn't afraid to use it. K gets out to talk to her parents, as she doesn't have a set curfew and needs to find out when to be home. She gets back in, informs me that I'm a 'tard' and starts the car. I suspect that her conversation with her mother involved more than just asking when she should be home. <br> <br> T + 06:00 <br> We show up at a Chic-fil-a and go inside. They've got an hour before close, so we buy some food and sit down. I felt that a lighted place would be a good change up from parks and weird parking lots. K starts eating, but I refrain. This is odd, because she is eating one of my favorite foods, and I'm very hungry. I only feel this hunger in an odd, detached way, not at all like normal hunger. We sit and talk for the better part of an hour, until the restaurant closes. <br> <br> T + 07:00 - Roughly 11:00 PM <br> We drive and drive. I notice that when we're in K's hometown, she seems more likely to ask me questions that mean something. I also get the sense that I can tell what she wants to learn based on the questions she is asking, although we had agreed that the questions not be that way. We find our way to a baseball field in a park. This is a good compromise, as it is lit up, but not trying to sell us anything. We continue to discuss life, but much more calm. <br> <br> T + 08:15 <br> We pull up at the QT where I had left my car. I have an enlightening conversation with the convenience store clerks, in which they told me that as long as I wasn't sleeping in their parking lot, they didn't care what I did. K goes home, and I drive my car back to my house. I found that this was entirely safe, as I was not experiencing any hallucinations or visions, and the trails had subsided to the point where they were indistinguishable from weariness 'trails' that happen when you're tired. <br> <br> <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br> <br> T + 09:00 - 1:00 AM <br> I arrive back at home, eager to get some rest. I hop into bed, turn out the lights, only to find that my eyes are visualizing things without my permission. I come to the conclusion that, in the absence of mental exertion, the other aspects of the drug takes over, and the visual in particular. I turn on some music and try to make the best of it. I begin visualizing the things described in the songs I'm listening to. <br> <br> T + 12:15 - 3:15 AM <br> By this point I had almost dozed off even through the hallucinations. However, my phone, lying on the bed next to me, begins to vibrate, and I pick it up and talk to my friend J. I relate to him the concept that this is the most powerful experience of my life, and he agrees. However, as we continue to discuss the drug, I come to realize that he doesn't take it for the mental experience, he takes it for the visual experience and the physical experience. I feel profoundly moved that even within the community of acid users, there are people that don't understand its capabilities. However, I cannot articulate my thoughts to J, so I finish the conversation and call K. <br> <br> T + 14:00 - 5:00 AM <br> I finish another enlightening conversation with K and go to sleep. <br> <br> Conclusions: <br> Where to begin. Well, first I believe this is probably the most powerful psychoactive drugs out there. Not because of its sheer potency (although gram for gram its the most powerful thing I know of) but because of its mental aspects. I've found that most drugs are used for the physical aspects; the feeling it has on your body. LSD is entirely different. Although it has that component as well, the main thing, at least in my mind, is the mental aspect. The increased awareness of those around you. The awareness of connections that weren't visible before, and the lightening speed at which those connections are made. These things cannot be granted by any other drug I'm aware of. <br> <br> However, I feel that LSD could be extremely dangerous. If, for instance, one trips with other people that are also tripping, a negative spiral could occur. The lightening fast connections that this drug inspires can easily lead down a path to depressive thoughts. <br> <br> In addition, the mere smell of food was somewhat overwhelming, and trying to eat peanut butter was disastrous.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 67150</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 7, 2015</td><td>Views: 12,848</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=67150&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=67150&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td><a href="/experiences/exp.cgi?A=ShowAuthor&ID=266"><img src="/experiences/images/authors/author_logo_default_grn.gif" alt="author logo" align="right" border="0"></a> </td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 3:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  bowls</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> LSD for me has always been a really strange thing. When I first began taking psychedelics, it was the second real psychedelic I tried, after a few mushroom trips (which were spaced out over a long period of time). The first time I tried LSD, it was probably my fourth time tripping. Some friends and I all took the same dose from the same batch, and while they were experiencing a classic and enjoyable trip, I literally felt nothing beyond placebo. <br> <br> Over the next 10 years, I tried LSD a variety of other times, always with the same result (threshold or nothing), no matter how much I took and no matter how hard the others I was with were tripping. One time I even took 3 of the legendary Hofmann blotters and barely felt above threshold. So I came to the conclusion that I have a high natural tolerance for or immunity to LSD and I sort of gave it up as a lost cause, since every other psychedelic I've tried seems to affect me as one would expect, and I was rarely ever able to find it. Then, a year and a half ago, it started coming around much more steadily. I was at a music festival and decided to take 5 hits of what was pretty strong LSD (half a hit of this LSD got my friend tripping nicely). Finally, I experienced a real trip from it, but I still found it sort of lacking, like it never fully developed but I was getting some visuals and a head change that was very enjoyable. Once I 'broke through' to that level, I noticed that I was able to have that same level of trip on it with more normal dosages, though I still needed more than most people. I've had several really nice but light trips on it since then, none of which were powerfully altering, but I enjoyed some really nice effects such as euphoria, light visuals, and an absolutely undeniable increase in my ability to play and feel music. <br> <br> With that being said, I'd like to tell you about my first real breakthrough into a full and satisfying LSD trip. My feeling is that now that I have been there, I will be able to get back to that same place in the future, much like how once I broke through to getting actual effects at all from LSD, that became my new 'LSD baseline' from then on. <br> <br> It was Saturday, December 12th, 2015. I was going to be traveling back to see my family for Christmas in a few days, and I felt the desire to have a good trip before that, as a sort of temporary farewell to the place I live that I love so much, before finding myself once again in Chicagoland, which is always a little hard for me. The weather was almost unreasonably nice for this time of year, 75 degrees down in town and beautifully sunny. My good friend and I decided we'd like to go on a high-elevation hike at this beautiful place called Black Balsam, which is at around 6000 feet, above the tree line, across a variety of balds, with incredible panoramic views of the mountains the whole time. We decided that I would drive and we timed it so that I wouldn't be tripping while driving. My friend took his hit as we got in the car, and I decided I'd wait to take my two hits (of probably the best LSD I've ever had) til we were about 10 minutes away from our destination (the drive there took about an hour). <br> <br> And so we embarked on our journey in the morning. I was rather low on gas, but as we left I passed up the nearest gas station because that one is almost always nearly out of gas and it's a huge hassle to deal with it, so I figured I'd just find one along the way. However, the route we took had very few gas stations and as my friend and I talked, we both sort of just forgot about it. About 45 minutes into the drive, my gas light came on and I noticed, but my understanding was that it was only a few more miles and we'd have had to backtrack a lot to get to one, and we already were getting started a little later than we wanted to since it gets dark around 5:30 at this time of the year, and I really wanted the timing to work out so I wouldn't be stuck sitting in my car waiting to come down later. So I made the decision to keep going, since when my gas light comes on I still have 2 gallons in the tank. However, as we kept going I realized to my worry that it was actually about 15 more miles to go, and it was all uphill. My worry increased as we went on, and it kept taking longer and longer to get there. By the time we rolled to a stop in the parking area, the needle was JUST above the zero-mark. Basically right as we parked, I began to come up on the LSD, and anxiety filled my being. I wasn't trying to worry my friend but as my anxiety built I was having thoughts about how this would go down later when we left... I envisioned it being dark and running out of gas on a very small back-country mountain road that is not very well-traveled, with no phone service. So, entirely and annoyingly distracted by my worries, we set off on our hike. <br> <br> At first, I was unable to move past it, but soon I resolved to myself that I should view this as a test and a learning experience. Being able to put aside anxiety for something you have no control over is a very useful skill, and it's something I've been consciously trying to get better at this past year. So as I walked, I made a concerted effort to intentionally turn off my thoughts and just take in the scenery and the process of hiking which I love. My friend was coming up too and so it was totally okay that I didn't have much to say, because neither did he. I felt a little self-conscious about it; at the time I thought maybe he was getting weird vibes from me and that's why he wasn't talking, but later he told me he didn't feel like talking then either. But at the time it felt awkward. I realized in the process of dealing with these feelings that I have always been a people-pleaser, sometimes to my detriment, especially as a kid. So I resolved to put those feelings aside as well. As we walked, I found it difficult to enjoy my surroundings, but I remained dedicated to moving past this mental set. We made a couple of stops to rest, and passed quite a few people. I felt a little awkward around other people but it was easily manageable since we didn't have to interact with any of them beyond a cordial 'how are you doing?' or the like. I gradually felt more and more comfortable within myself as the hike progressed. <br> <br> Eventually I was able to put my anxieties aside and start fully enjoying the hike and the growing LSD trip. We stopped to take a breather a few more times, and on a particular stop where we perched on a rock overhanging the edge of the mountain top we were on, I finally was able to take stock of what I was experiencing. My field of vision was absolutely gorgeous, a panoramic view of countless smaller mountains on all sides. The colors I was seeing were greatly enhanced and whatever I looked at up close was slowly morphing, organic shapes seeming to emerge from the very fiber of the being of a rock or plant. Waving my hands around was very enjoyable, as I was experiencing gorgeous tracers; for example, if I waved my arm in a circle I would see an uninterrupted swirl of my flesh forming a complete circle. It almost seemed as if the air itself was made of a sort of substance that I was actually interacting with as I moved through it, an effect that is almost identical to 4-HO-MPT, at least in the one time I've tried it thus far. There was still little head change, like all the other times I've taken LSD... it was something I had become used to and grown to expect so I wasn't surprised or upset about it. <br> <br> As we progressed in the hike, we reached a steeply downhill part where the trail was an old stream bed, cut deep into the ground. At times the rest of the mountain's ground was up to our chests on either side. Within the groove were large and small rocks and tree roots. It was quite fun traversing them, and suddenly both my friend and I realized we were past not wanting to talk, so we began discussing all sorts of things. I found myself getting pretty personal and telling him about some personal thoughts and struggles, and it was a great bonding time. My overall feeling was verging on empathogenic and I realized the trip had transitioned into something greatly enjoyable, but basically the same state as all of the other times I've taken LSD recently. Of course that's what I was expecting so I was happy to be there, and I considered that perhaps the peak had started. Already the visuals were stronger than any I had had on LSD before, and I felt that smooth, effortless flow feeling that I get from acid. We continued on like this, talking in an animated fashion, when my friend suggested we stop and smoke some weed. That was at about 3 hours into the hike. We stopped on a beautiful overhanging rock and packed a bowl and smoked it. I noticed little change, except that it made me feel even nicer and more euphoric. We sat and talked for a bit, and then continued on. <br> <br> Eventually we reached the point where you can turn around and the total loop is 5 miles. Just ahead we saw a beautiful little stand of trees (the only trees we'd seen thus far that we were able to get to) and we decided to make it our end point before we turned around. As we walked towards it, I very rapidly began to trip considerably harder, just like when you are coming up into the peak and smoke some weed, except it had been at least a half hour since we had smoked, and the total trip duration was nearing 4 hours. It's as if each step towards these trees was causing a feeling of what can only be described as magic to fill me and the world around me. As I walked through some brush and into the forest stand, it's like a switch flipped in my brain, and suddenly I was <b>THERE</b>. My thoughts began moving in new and astounding ways, though I did not know what to make of it yet. It turns out the trees sheltered a beautiful campsite that just struck me as being an utterly enchanted place. It seemed a world apart from the rest of the hike, a little sheltered place filled with presences. My vision began to absolutely light up with color and patterns. The very nature of the place was mystifying to me. What caused this isolated stand of trees to grow here and not anywhere else nearby, and then what caused the majority of them to die, leaving only skeletons? As I stared at the bone-white trunks, they seemed to call to me, hauntingly, ethereally, desiring to reveal to me their secrets, yet I couldn't comprehend their message. <br> <br> I closed my eyes and began feeling the energies around me, and my head filled with conceptual images, a dizzying cacophony of ideas that seemed too large for my awareness to contain. I suddenly found myself in an extremely altered state, though I found it a bit overwhelming and confusing. My friend and I sat there and rested briefly and talked about the little forest stand and how magical it seemed, and then after a bit we decided to head back, as it was several hours before we would return to the car and we wanted to make sure to get off the mountain before dark. <br> <br> The way back, as I remembered from hiking there months before, turned out to be much more intense physically than the way there, because whereas we had gone steeply downhill across uneven terrain before, this time we had to go back up the same steep terrain. As my heart rate increased from the exertion, I began to peak even harder. The mountain views, when I looked at them for even a moment, would begin to pixellate into fractal coils, separate into distinct colors, and unhinge from one another into a beautiful spinning collage. I was experiencing full-scale perspective shifting, in both color, shape, and apparent function of objects. There was less outright patterning and bending than there was with ETH-LAD, but the visual alteration appeared real, glowing, significant and profound, tied intimately into my emotions. As my level of exertion grew, I began to feel an absolutely coursing euphoria that I felt sure was coming from the dopamine agonism of the molecule I had taken. As my heart pounded harder and harder, I increased my speed and force. I began feeling invincible, tireless. <br> <br> Slowly at first, I began to notice symptoms of mania creeping in. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">Slowly at first, I began to notice symptoms of mania creeping in.</div></div> I felt absolutely incredible, and strange ideas of my level of power began to occur to me. I would periodically take stock of this and realize I was thinking delusionally and grandiosely, yet my thoughts seemed out of my control. I began to feel on the edge of insanity, and for the first time in many years the worry crept up slyly that perhaps I had gone too far. My thoughts were half amazing and half frightening to me. I still felt that I was unable to fully comprehend what my brain was doing, and it seemed part of my thought process was splitting off from my ordinary, understandable mental pathways. Despite that, I felt powerfully driven to try to communicate to my friend the vast awareness I was perceiving. But each attempt was futile, I'd get a half a sentence in and realize I couldn't explain what I was feeling with words, and that would make me feel once again threatened. I also felt self-conscious about it; despite knowing intellectually that my friend was having his own trip and was probably not even aware that I was feeling this way, the way I persistently <i>felt</i> was that I was making him uncomfortable because of my lack of ability to articulate my feelings. Because of this, our period of intense uphill hiking was characterized by a rapid roller-coaster of feeling amazing and revelatory that shifted into feeling out of control and nerve-wracking, back and forth. A very intense ride, not unpleasant but not entirely pleasant either. <br> <br> At last my friend called for a rest, pulling me out of my manic drive from who knows where to keep moving as powerfully as I could without stopping. We sat down on a rock overlooking a gloriously shifting long-range view and as my heart rate went down, so too did my racing thoughts. I began to feel centered again, and though I was still tripping powerfully, I felt I had made it to just past the top of the peak. I felt that it was suddenly easier to communicate, so that's what I started to do. I explained where my head had been at to my friend, and we discussed the nature of LSD for a while. I came to the hypothesis that, due to the dopamine receptor agonism of LSD, especially in higher doses, I was experiencing some mania as my physical exertion increased. It certainly felt dopaminergic, as it was accompanied by euphoria and feelings of being powerful. The discomfort came entirely from me worrying about why I was suddenly feeling rather unhinged. With my thoughts calmed down, I began turning my mind to whatever I felt like thinking about, and deeply analyzing it internally and sometimes with my friend. I had a lot of insights about the nature of humanity and what it is to exist, as well as my behaviors. After a while we decided to push on through the next leg of the hike. <br> <br> As we continued our journey, I noticed the change in the quality and lack of control of my thoughts whenever we had to push hard for a while, but since I had thought about it and was aware of it happening now, it didn't alarm me anymore. Instead I observed and analyzed it, and enjoyed the euphoric push. As the feeling would grow, so would the visuals and feelings of magic. Everything looked intensely alive, at all times, but during this rising mania I would begin to almost see through to the underworkings of reality <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">during this rising mania I would begin to almost see through to the underworkings of reality</div></div>, the connections between the various life forms and the Earth itself, as if a veil was lifting and I was able to see things as they really are. Eventually we made it back to much less steep terrain, and the peak had definitely ended. But my mind was whirling with so many thoughts and observations. My friend and I chatted in an increasingly animated way. I found myself in a very introspective state, with the content of my thoughts focused on self-improvement. I was identifying, through my thoughts and interactions with others, aspects of my personality I had never noticed before and that I didn't find desirable. There was no shame or discomfort involved in this, it was simply a sudden awareness of something that was happening subconsciously. <br> <br> As we began to encounter more people, I noticed that I was judging them internally based on factors I would seem to notice about them. One girl walked by and she was extremely unattractive to me for various reasons. I was surprised to notice that I was making all of these little value judgments about her, subconsciously, automatically. These judgments served to repel me from her and see her in a negative way, without ever having met her or given her any sort of chance. Generally these would have been happening on an entirely subconscious level, but because of the state I was in they were happening in my conscious awareness, but still without me having meant to initiate them. It surprised me quite a bit because I would have thought I was past doing that sort of thing... it reminded me of being a kid when you're in school and everyone is constantly judging everyone else in order to make themselves feel more 'normal' or desirable. I shook my head and resolved to be more aware of that in the future and attempt to break that conditioning, and then my friend and I talked about it for a while. <br> <br> The rest of the hike was more of the same, with the level of intensity gradually lowering until I realized I had no visuals anymore and I felt pretty much sober, but glowing. At last we got back to the car, and I realized I had been entirely successful in my goal of putting the stresses of a potential running out of gas on the way home situation out of my mind and enjoying the trip/hike. But of course it was still an actual situation, so we did have to deal with it. However my mind was in a tremendously better place about it. It had been about 8 hours since I had dosed and I was on the trailing end of it, but I was still feeling that peaceful flow. I told my friend that we just need to think positively and will the result into our lives that we want. So into the car we climbed, filled with positive thoughts about our chances. I looked in the mirror; no more pupil dilation. I took stock of my situation and I felt good about driving, enough time had passed and I was in that afterglow stage, still a little trippy but capable of whatever. <br> <br> <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br> <br> As I turned the car on and began driving, the test to my ability to handle anxiety continued. The gas needle was almost immediately <i>on</i> the empty indicator. At first I was able to just give it a slight push and immediately put in the clutch and just coast downhill in neutral. But sometimes there was a section of uphill, including one that lasted a few minutes. During those times the anxiety would creep in and I'd start to imagine getting stranded in the dark with no cell service. But then I would push those thoughts out and try to instead imagine making it to a gas station. I felt it was very important for me to visualize the outcome I wanted, so I was diligent in doing so. At last we reached the road we drove in on, which was all downhill for quite some time, and I started coasting. As we got farther down, we started to encounter other cars, and it got less steep, so my average speed was about 25mph in a 35mph zone. I had to wave a few people around me who were probably confused as to why I was sometimes going 40 and sometimes 25 and everywhere in between. <br> <br> Eventually it got flat enough that I had to give it constant gas. By this point the needle was a good bit below the empty indicator, and my friend's phone (service was back by now) said the nearest gas station was still 10 miles away. I asked my friend how cool it would be if some guerrilla gas station that Google doesn't know about would just appear. About a minute after that, such a gas station <b><i>did</i></b> appear. It blew my mind a little because it looked old and broken down, and instead of a gas company's logo the sign just said 'GAS' in big orange letters, and right around there was when my gas light had come on during the drive in, and neither of us noticed it then. As we pulled into it, laughing and celebrating, I felt the first hiccup of the engine that signifies your gas running out. I bought $30 worth of gas and even though it pumped out at about $2 per minute (ironic given that was the reason why I had passed the initial gas station at the beginning of the trip), I was just filled with the most beautiful, giddy euphoria because I had successfully overcome this stressful issue, and kept my composure the whole time. I didn't have a care in the world anymore! <br> <br> After that we drove home, where there was a band practice waiting for me. The rest of the night I spent playing music and then hanging out. The band practice was actually a continuing lesson in dealing with stress... I tend to feel the stress from friends acutely because of a high level of empathy, and my friend was intensely frustrated and stressed because one of the band members was super late and not answering our calls, and we ended up getting only about half of what we intended for the night done. It was instructional for me to have to deal with that, and also to try to help him deal with that. After band practice I drank a handful of beers and had a great time in the company of friends I consider family. I discussed my trip with them and we had many interesting discussions about all manner of topics. I slept over there, and in the morning I woke up feeling great, light and content and refreshed. <br> <br> In conclusion, this was the best and most complete LSD trip I've had to date. The entire thing was a complete storyline, filled with magic, coincidences and lessons. Once I hit the peak, it seemed that every aspect of every experience I was having was perfectly laid out to maximize the learning potential for me. I became aware of aspects of myself that I had never considered before, that I have resolved to become constantly aware of and overcome. It seems to me that this is what life is, a constant process of becoming more intentional and aware. Psychedelics have really been a catalyst for me on this path, especially in the past two years. <br> <br> The visuals I had were awe-inspiring at times, and very beautiful, and certainly <i>much</i> stronger than I have ever had from LSD before. And I love about LSD that it almost doesn't feel like I'm on a drug... the trip instead seems to emerge from my surroundings. My state of mind was changed but not in the same way as with tryptamines and phenethylamines. My body and mind felt uninhibited, like I was just seeing things in a new way and not on a drug. The peak really took quite a while to hit, I think it was at about 3.5 to 4 hours in when it peaked and settled in fully. <br> <br> I really feel like I 'leveled up' with LSD that day, and I understand it much better now than I have in the past. I look forward to future LSD trips, and I hope I can revisit this same state now that I've managed to make it there once.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2015</td><td width="90">ExpID: 107585</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 32</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jan 10, 2016</td><td>Views: 9,848</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=107585&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=107585&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Nature / Outdoors (23), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dob/">DOB</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/spice_product/">Products - Spice and Synthetic Cannabinoids</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> (Yes, this trip report is the length of a novel but I do this because I try to explain what happened in the most logical way and show how cause and effect led to the outcomes. If you read this all the way through, I promise you will not be disappointed. If you don’t then take this one lesson, don’t be an idiot like me and never assume that just cause someone says they are selling you “Acid” that it is actually LSD and not a research chemical that can be sold as Acid to those with little experience.) <br> <br> I really hoped it would never come to this but it happened. I got in over my head using psychedelic drugs and ended up in the hospital. What happened was that I though I would be taking LSD. I know there is barley ever real LSD around my area (Maryland) so I jumped at the chance. I have taken 12 hits of LSD before and not ever had a problem. The problem though was what I though would be LSD turned out to be a research chemical, my best guess from other reports, DOB. Let this report also reinforce how important Set and Setting is. <br> <br> Here is a brief summary of my history with drugs (Weed, Salvia, Cocaine, Kava Kava, Morphine, Opana, Vicodin, Adderall, Inhalants, Pure Molly and Moon Rocks, Ritalin, Ambien, Xanax, Valium, and the biggest category hallucinogens: Ketamine, DMT, LSD over 200 times, Shrooms over 15 times, 2c-E, 2c-I laced Ecstasy, AMT, DOC, 25-I, and my mind goes blank here even though I know there are more.) I considered myself to be a hardcore psychonaut and I seldom went into experiences looking to enjoy them, rather to see what I could learn from them and bring back. I decided to take 3 hits when I got them. The kid who sold them to us claimed that he had taken 4 and been fine although it was a rough ride. I later learned he took 4 after taking the shit for the 3 days previous in increasingly large doses. Day 1 he took one hit, day two he took 2, and so on up till 4. What this meant is that his tolerance was about as high as it could possibly go and he still had a hard time. This would have saved me if I had known. What really led to the hospital though was the state of chaotic entrapment of mind, and severe amnesia that led to me fighting my parents and the hospital staff, caused by the power of the blotters I took. <br> <br> As soon as I took the three blotters and began sucking on them, my mouth immediately went numb and an overwhelming bitter taste spread over my tongue. As soon as the bitter taste got stronger instead of going away, I knew I was in for more then I bargained for. I turned to my friend and said, “This isn’t LSD.” And he was like “Yes it is.” I knew it wasn’t however. It had a bitter taste, which meant that is was most likely DOB, DOI, or ALD. I knew that all three were substantially stronger then LSD because of my previous experiences with 2c-E, 2c-I, 25-I, and AMT. For me, one hit of a DO-X usually equals the strength of a 2-3-tab LSD trip. I had just taken three hits. I can’t be sure what exactly it was that I took because I have no way of testing it but by best guess is DOB. I had never done DOB though and I had no idea how strong it would be, made even stronger by the fact that I hadn’t tripped in months and my tolerance was as low as it was going to get. <br> <br> The other big problem was Set and Setting. I was hanging out at my friend’s house with the owner and another one of my friends who drove. I will call the owner R and the driver and my friend J. R is a massive hippie with experience in many psychedelics but I don’t like hanging out at his house while I am tripping because it is very cluttered and gross. J is a hilarious pot dealer who I hang out with almost ever day. One of the things that I really like about J is his ability to be sober while I am tripping and not piss me off by asking me all sorts of questions and making me feel like I am an animal in a zoo being watched. <br> <br> Fool I am, I ignored the old saying, “if its bitter it’s a spitter” and kept the three tabs in my mouth. I knew my trip was going to be very strong but I was sure I would be able to handle it. I was at my friend’s house and when he had to leave and drive me home, my parents wouldn’t be home for a few hours. I assumed I would be able to act normal by the time they got home. I assumed wrong. Holy shit was I in for a surprise. Within 10 minutes I was overcome with a massive feeling of lightness in my chest. I though I was imagining it but then the corners of my vision began to waver. All I could think of was that this must be some sort of joke that it was coming on within 10 minutes. I repeated to my friend that this was diffidently not LSD because by this point, I began to see close eye visuals. They were not the organic visuals of LSD but the geometric math formula oriented visuals I had on other Do-X chemicals in the past. I didn’t mistype math-oriented visuals either. I see geometric shapes and in the background, I see tons of mathematic formulas that literally explain everything. They are usually complex Physics formulas; I recognized one as the threshold formula under the field of Relativity. I usually can’t make out the whole formula but I see enough to get the idea. <br> <br> The first obvious open eye visuals were posters on the wall. A poster with many different stripes of color appeared to spin like a wheel. I knew I was in for something massive though because I could stare directly at the poster and it would still spin. It wasn’t distortions out of the corner of my eye; they were full on hallucinations within 15 minutes of dropping. Holy Fuck. <br> <br> Within 30 minutes, my mental capacity was rapidly expanding in frightening ways. I started to forget how to do everything in ordinary life that I am used to and started to perceive language in my head that was build up of pictures and motion. The language was like Mandarin as in, the same picture could represent 3 or 4 different words depending on the way the picture moved, just like one word in Mandarin can mean 4 different things depending on the tone of voice when spoken. This language evolved into more and more complex meanings. Soon, I felt like I had discovered a completely new language and at the same time I understood all the flaws of the English language. I realized that English was way to obsolete and basic to ever convey what was learned from psychedelics. They were showing me their language which was so much more complex then English. One animated picture that I saw held a complete story. This is very hard to explain due to the fact that this language is not spoken or written in anyway. It is conveyed by pictures and images that each holds a wealth of information. I am just touching on the surface of this idea as it became much more relevant later. <br> <br> It was now about 40 minutes since I had taken the tabs. By this point, the entire room that I was in was moving. My friend’s faces began to seem like they all had shadows covering them. It was like I was looking at the room through a light fog. I had never experienced this “fog vision” before except for on the comedown of a DMT trip and I would use the words “Rubber Vision” to describe that. I picked up this collapsible ball then my friend had and tried to calm down my racing thoughts and just focus on the ball. I broke it about 30 seconds later by trying to mold it into an abstract shape. After this, I for the first time conveyed to my friends that I might be in over my head. This was a bad idea because I have much more experience with psychedelics then both of them put together and they had no idea what to tell me which further convinced me that I was in trouble. I still had the situation under control however. I was able to make jokes about my condition still. I started to really feel the dissociation at this point and it felt like I was only powering 50 percent of my body in this condition. I could move my head but it was really tough to get my brain to send the message through to my nerves to move my arms or legs. My speech became very muddled and took on a pitch that was much lower then normal, kind of like I had just inhaled a huge hit of Nitrous. <br> <br> This is when things in general started to go downhill. Not to the point that I was worried, but to the point where I began to gradually set myself up for a bad trip by ignoring old rules that I had established for when I take hallucinogens due to my previous experience with them. One of my rules was to never watch anything on TV that was frightening, depressing, or provoked too much negative thought and worry about my state of life (such as a Michael Moore documentary). Due to my drug use though and already heavily altered state of mind, I decided that there was no way that some reality TV would negatively impact my trip. <br> <br> I pulled out my laptop and decided to watch an Intervention episode about a woman who was addicted to Heroin who could maintain her habit because her mother was a terrible parent and gave her all the money she needed to buy Heroin, even using it with her own Daughter. For the first 10 minutes of the episode, I was fine although I was being a complete asshole and laughing at how stupid the poor heroin addicts were for getting themselves into this situation and not just quitting. (I really kicked myself later for my ignorance) About 15 minutes into the episode though I started to get very concerned, as the episode grew darker and plunged deeper into the addiction. I realized how easily this could happen to me with my addictive personality and then I realized how close I had been to a lifestyle like this at several points. I realized that if I had not quit some of my earlier habits I could be the one on this show, with my parents being the people that I was making fun of 10 minutes earlier. I realized then watching Intervention was a terrible idea and I shut it off but this had certainly negatively impacted my state of mind. It began to move my though process toward negative thought loops and I knew I needed to go outside and pull myself together. <br> <br> I managed to convince R to go outside and smoke a cigarette with me. Standing up was hard and opening the door was harder. By the time I got out of the door, I completely forgot why I had stood up, let alone left the room and assumed that I was leaving my friend’s house. I was completely surprised when he came out after me and lit a cigarette. I lit my own and just stared at the road, not even talking. <br> <br> Outside, the visuals seemed to calm down but the mental disarray started to build more and more. I had to sit down because I was literally falling over because my visual input felt like it was inconsistent with where my legs should be. I stared straight at the ground and watched as a pattern jumped from stepping stone to stepping stone, moving in an animated way very fluidly across at least 8 different rocks. I told R that I might be over my head. He asked again if I was close to ego death. I stared at him with disgust and confusion and he realized that I was in no condition to be talking. He told me that he was going inside and I suddenly realized that he had finished his cigarette. I hadn’t taken one puff off of mine and it had burned all the way to the filter. <br> <br> This is where I began to have minor bouts of memory loss, which would really fuck with my mind and put me in complete states of confusion. It started when I turned around and was completely surprised to find myself at R’s house. Even though I had been at his house for hours, my brain was moving so fast and my thoughts were so complex and racing that my mind simply began to stop processing less relevant facts, such as where I actually was in real life. Because of this, my mind started to trick me and I found my utter loss of the ability to know where I was located unsettling at best. At this point, I had stopped joking around. I walked back into the room where J was smoking a blunt and just stated: <br> <br> “This isn’t good Gentlemen.” <br> <br> I sat back down and this is the part where I started to loose the ability to talk just like while on shrooms. My mind was racing so fast that I would start a sentence, forget the next word, and in the second it took me to remember the word, my brain had moved on and I completely forgot why I had started the sentence and I would just stop talking and stare. At this point, the only thing I could really say was “I can’t believe how strong this is” <br> <br> The open eye visuals began to become so real that there was no way of telling that they weren’t there except for the fact that I knew it wasn’t possible that there were mathematical formulas floating and circling in between my fingers. I’m not joking there. I literally saw 5 or 6 mathematical equations that were floating around and snaking their way through my fingers. These were no ordinary open eye visuals though as I moved my hand and looked at it from every angle. The formulas circled my hands and rotated in 3d, never once fading, and they would be there whether I was looking right at my hand or just seeing them barley out of the corner of my eyes. <br> My friends began to look at me like I had lost my mind. They suggested that I take a hit off the blunt to calm myself down. I should have known better. I always use weed to bring up my trips into overdrive. Even worse, the blunt was laced with “Scooby Snacks,” the synthetic weed as well. I should have refused to hit the blunt but in my state of mind, I actually assumed that my friends knew what they were talking about and hit the blunt without questioning it. I took two long drags then realized how much of an idiot I was and quickly passed the blunt away. <br> <br> About 3 minutes later, I started to begin fading away. I would close my eyes and instead of the normal close eye visuals, my entire consciousness would dissolve away and I would be seeing 360 degrees in my head into this vast desert. There were these huge totem poles rising out of the sand and spinning as if on a wheel, emerging and disappearing from the sand. Each totem pole represented a year of my life. I could see them rapidly emerging and I saw the quality of the year that was displayed on each pole was directly proportional to the construction of the pole. In hyper high definition detail, I looked at the totem pole with the most flaws in the woodwork, with cracks and pieces chipped out of the wood. I realized that this was the year that I was addicted to Duster and Adderall, I crashed my car, and realized that I would have to leave my college due to issues of not yet being mature enough to handle being on my own. I have since resolved these issues and am back in college but seeing this all before me in this completely real situation brought back bad memories. I then realized that I was not aware of anything in the real world anymore when I closed my eyes. There was only this endless desert. The realization of how deep I was in the Rabbit Hole hit me like a ton of bricks and I opened my eyes and I was back in the room, completely shaken. It took me about 30 seconds to realize that I was at my friends house and that I had been lying on the ground completely cut off from everything. I realized this had never happened before where I would close my eyes and suddenly loose all touch with reality and literally fade away from where I was to a different plane of existence. <br> <br> (I wonder if this place was what convinced Heaven’s Gate that there was another level of existence that could be reached but you couldn’t reach it in your human form? Haha. As If. But in all seriousness, back to my dilemma) <br> <br> J began to tell me that he was leaving soon and since he was my ride, I would be leaving also. I began to get very worried at this point because I knew I hadn’t even peaked yet, let alone been tripping for more then an hour, and I was going home where my parents would be in an hour or two, when I was tripping harder then I ever had off of 9 grams of mushrooms and 12 tabs of LSD. <br> <br> By now, I had started to repeat the phrase: “I can’t see anything.” <br> <br> This greatly confused my friends but I really could barely see. It wasn’t like my vision was going dark, there were so many visuals and my vision was strobing so fast that I couldn’t see a foot in front of me through the maze of exploding colors. J told me it was time to go home and he was going to drop me off at my house. At this point, I would normally have him drop me off at a local park and pick me up later and take me home but it was thundering and pouring down rain and that was out of the question. I should just have refused to leave R’s house. That was the only thing that would have saved me looking back. At the time though, I was so out of it, I though I could get away with it by just locking myself in my room and not making any noise and my parents would think I was doing homework. I should have realized that there was no way to avoid talking to them eventually. <br> <br> I left R’s house for real this time and walked with J to his car. On the way, I told him how hard I was tripping. The gravity of the situation that I was in and the utter mental confusion and turmoil was very intimidating. The ride did nothing to calm my nerves. It felt like my friend was breaking every law, alerting everyone that we had drugs, almost like some sort of sick joke to scare me. In reality he was doing nothing wrong and driving great. He even managed to make me laugh for the first time in hours by rolling down all the windows, rocking the car, and screaming like he lost his mind. I laughed because it was such a preposterous sight and it temporarily shifted the chaos of my thoughts to something different. <br> <br> I was so out of it by the time that I was almost home; it felt like I was floating away. I didn’t recognize my house and I looked J and asked him why we had stopped driving. He didn’t say anything and then I realized I hadn’t actually spoken out loud. I knew that I was indeed heading for an ego loss because each second that passed, the fight to stay on this planet became harder. Every second, I forgot more and more about my normal life. I started to get very concerned that I would just disappear, get lost among the raging and chaotic void that had consumed my mind and simply not exist any more. The feeling that I am trying to convey is very obscure but it is a very sobering feeling. This is the feeling that makes people want to fight the psychedelic experience when it starts because it feels like if you don’t do anything, you will just fade away. <br> <br> (For those who are still with me, I know I am long winded but I try to elaborate as much as I can because I know there are people out there like me who want to read reports that are detailed about the trip. Anyway, I’m reaching the climax of the trip.) <br> <br> When I got to my house, the worst-case scenario happened. I discovered that I was locked out of my house, in a thunderstorm, with both of my parents at least an hour away. I sat in the car with my friend and tried to think of a way out of the situation but the only thing that I realized I could do was call my Dad. I wanted to give the phone to my friend to call him but realized that was not an option because my Dad would know in a second something was wrong if I couldn’t talk to him. I felt like I was Custer during his last stand as I dialed the number. I knew that it would take a superhuman effort to talk to him without going of on some ridiculous tangent or just forgetting how to talk while he asked me what the hell was going on. I knew that as soon as he was suspicious, it was over because I would in no way be able to explain myself in my condition. It was really a horrible situation knowing that I would probably give my self away calling him but had no choice. I called him. I summoned every sober cell in my body and focused on simple sentences, straight to the point. <br> <br> He answered and I started off the conversation pretty good. He told me to check the basement door, as it might not be locked. I kept him on the line as I walked to the basement. The basement door was unlocked luckily. I told my Dad that I was inside but failed miserably saying goodbye and thanking him for the help. I couldn’t put together a sentence to end the conversation and I ended up saying a mix of broken statements, questions about the weather, and how I wouldn’t have been locked out in the first place if he had installed upgraded keyless locks. Then I just hung up. <br> <br> Smooth <br> <br> My last clear memory was entering my room and lighting up a cigarette as I pulled out my laptop. I wanted to attempt to write a trip report for Erowid while I was peaking but I failed completely as the English language lacked the words I needed. This is what I managed to type: <br> <br> <br> .Think about M MMMMM ./…………………/…./. how funny iy is got you right now. For every being in this un universe is limited to what you make of it jut sit here every day, take it all in, don’t disrupt life if any way Y9U TH8NI GHIDSHD S9DIGJ <br> IIITS GGGOOOTTT MEEEEEEEEEEE00000000-09-09-09-YOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOIUOIUOIUOIOIUOIUOIUIUIUO8IOUOI8UUFGGG-09000000000SHITSHYTShITYFUKFUCK!(())))))O <br> <br> HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYSSSHHHIIITTTT <br> GGGGFGGGGGGGGGGGGFGFGFGRT56FGHGFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRYTRYTRYC54XEWOOOOOLOLOLOLOL <br> <br> <br> <br> 123IRJOSJFDKDJJJJJJKLSDKJFA;LDKFJKDDDDDFDFDFDFDFDFDFDFDFDFDFDBFDBFDBF <br> <br> <br> <br> What I was attempting to do was write about how pathetic free will was from the point of view of a god or creator as he watched his subjects obey but clearly, I lost it after the first few sentences. I entered the part of the trip where I was so cut off from my body, I had no idea what was real and what wasn’t anymore. My memory starts to experience huge gaps at this point too which led to my going to the hospital. The reason for this will make sense as you read on but what happened was that since there were gaps in my memory where I would move from one place to another, I became convinced that I had never left the place that I last remembered being in. This in turn convinced me that anything I saw past that point wasn’t real and I was still in my bed imagining it all. As you can probably guess, this phenomenon could pose real problems for me if say, I ended up in the hospital and was convinced it wasn’t real because I never remembered going there. That part comes later though. <br> <br> This started while I was lying on my bed typing. The next thing I knew my laptop was gone and I was lying under the covers of my bed. In reality, I had thrown my laptop across the room and crawled under the covers but I didn’t remember anything. My memory just skips to the next point in time. This is where I lost all connection with the outside world entirely. From this point on, everything that I did in real life didn’t even occur to me because I wasn’t there. I was completely inside my mind and had no awareness of my body. Everything that I saw after this point was interpreted by my brain as being a creation of my mind and I knew that I had never left the bed where in reality, I was rolling on the floor naked and running around my house. <br> <br> At this point for me, the only thing I could see was these four pictures that each represented 25% of reality. Together, each picture combined to make up one quarter of everything. These pictures broke apart and I was only able to view one at a time in rapid succession. I knew that I would never be able to go back to my normal reality unless I could mentally fit all of these four pictures back together in a linear sequence. These four pictures are very hard to explain in themselves. Each picture was animated in a different way, with its own specific motion and color. I would play them one after another in my mind as fast as I could in an attempt to make them overlap each other. Sort of like when you flip pages in a book really fast and there is a picture that changes slightly each page that appears animated while flipping. The animation of the four pictures got slower and slower and I realized that I was loosing the fight and sliding farther and farther away from reality as these pictures stopped fitting together. <br> <br> I started to count out loud from 1-4. Each number represented one of the four animated pictures I was seeing that I mentioned earlier. Number 1 was the upward pounding motion of these green blocks, 2 was a yellow spinning triangle, 3 was these dark blue bubbles that would stretch as if they were traveling at light speed, and 4 was a red flowing sea. Like I said, as hard as it may be to understand, each of these numbers and the pictures and motions they corresponded to ¼ of existence and I was currently failing to fix the gaping gap in reality that I had slipped away into. I went through this phase for what seemed like hours, with no awareness of where I was or what I was doing. I knew that if I stopped playing this sequence or I waited to long to repeat it and forgot a small detail, that it would be the end of me. <br> <br> All I was concerned about was counting from 1 to 4 to over and over again, desperately try to set the raging broken reality back together. Soon, I couldn’t count past 3 before forgetting what I was doing and having to start again. Soon I couldn’t count past 2. I knew that this was it. I had failed to correct the rift and now I would never go back to my life. I knew that tomorrow, life would go on, my parents would never know they had had a son since I had in effect, slipped away into a different plane of reality in another dimension. I imagined a scenario straight out of a time travel movie where I changed the past and thus altered the present. My parent’s lives would go on, never knowing they had a son. I would disappear from all of the pictures, my room would be a guest room, and there would be no evidence I ever existed. This was completely terrifying. <br> <br> In real life however, my mom had gotten home. I’m my desperate quest to count from 1-4, I had removed all of my clothes, lit several cigarettes, and was rolling back and forth on my bed holding my head and screaming. I had knocked over my bookshelf and my dresser, thrown my laptop, and as she walked in, I was currently busy putting a cigarette out into the wall. This would be a horrifying sight for anyone to walk into. My mom immediately began trying to find out what I had taken and she called my Dad to come home right away but you will not fucking believe how I perceived this experience. <br> <br> In my state, I didn’t remember my mom coming into my room. I became aware of a presence that looked like my Mom but since I didn’t remember her coming into my room (one of the gaps in my memory), I became convinced that it was some sick trick played on me by my mind and she wasn’t really there. I knew that I was still on my bed, typing on my laptop. I can’t believe how small gaps in your visual input can convince you that nothing is real. In my mind, she was an entity created by the drug to get me to give up the fight to bring myself back. I truly thought that the drug was using my mom as the entity to do its bidding because the drug knew that I would be more likely to give myself into it if it used someone I knew in real life. <br> <br> She asked me over and over again what I had taken and screamed my name and asked what I had done to myself. This is where it gets even more surreal. My mind was receiving such little visual input that I actually saw complete loops of action that were played over and over again. My mom would come into the room, ask what I had taken, open my draws, scream my name, and then leave the room crying. Then she would come in again exactly like she had the first time, angry and asking me what I had taken, then she would open all of my drawers, scream my name some more, then leave again. This same scene kept repeating in my head, exactly the same as the time before which made me realize with absolute clarity that what I was experiencing could not be real and had to be a creation of the drug. <br> <br> I then started to realize that to escape from this mental torment, I would have to do something to disrupt the loop of my “mom” coming into the room, yelling at me, searching my drawers, then leaving crying. This really seemed like the only logical course of action so the next time my mom came in and asked me what I had taken I answered “enough to get where I needed” I was convinced that if I could keep answering her questions then I could trip her up and prove that what was happening was in fact not real therefore causing me to break out of my mind and wind up back on my bed with my laptop. In reality, this led to a completely insane exchange of dialogue that my mom relayed some of to me later. Ill try to remember some parts. <br> <br> Mom: What did you take? <br> Me: Would it really make a difference even if you knew? <br> Mom: Come on! What is the matter with you? <br> Me: Matter defines anything with mass and volume in a three dimensional space! There is no “matter” where I am right now. <br> Mom: (Screams my name) <br> Me: You know that tone of voice you just used was the same as the 5th time you came into my room! <br> Mom: I need to know what your on! <br> Me: I’m on the second floor of a structure that is known as a house. <br> Mom: WHAT DID YOU TAKE??! <br> Me: I didn’t take ANYTHING! The only thing that was TAKEN was my sanity, livelihood, and it appears my clothes! <br> Mom: (Screams my name again and pleads for me to stop) <br> Me: You’re not even real. I’m sitting in my bed. This is fun isn’t it? Any more questions?” <br> Mom: Oh my god… <br> <br> This literally went on and on for im guessing a good 20 minutes. I was completely out of my mind but what I was doing seemed to make perfect sense. I was answering her questions with logic and my own questions about her since I “knew” she wasn’t real. I scared the fucking shit out of my mom. I feel really bad that she had to see me like that. I wish I had stayed at my friend’s house… <br> <br> It was now probably 3 hours or so after I dosed initially. At this point my mom had called my dad and he was on his way home. My mom had given up trying to handle me in this state and had gone to her room to wait for my dad. I have virtually no memory of this part. The only thing I remember was a surprisingly sober moment where I walked down to my basement, got a water out of the refrigerator, and then sat down at my keyboard and played “Moonlight Sonata” My next memory was me back on my bed which further confirmed my belief that nothing was real, with my dad’s voice now yelling at me, saying the exact same things that my mom did, but of course without all of the crying and emotional bullshit (he had much experience with psychedelics when he was younger and he knew his shit on the subject) I didn’t see him at all while I was in the room which led to the next catastrophe. <br> <br> The next thing I know I am in the back of my mom’s car and we are driving. I have no idea where we are. I don’t recognize the roads that I drive on every day. More importantly, I don’t remember leaving my room, which once again reinforces my indisputable logic that this was not real, I was imagining it. I realize I can’t move anywhere and I discover that my Dad is holding both my arms very tightly. Since I never saw him in my room, I instantly am fooled into another insane though loop of self-deception. This one however was a lot worse. It went something like this: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Another god damn trick! Now the drug is taking the form of my Dad! <br> <br> Since I am driving on an endless looped highway in my mind, I realize that the stakes have been raised since I failed to break out of the thought loop when the drug was impersonating my mom. Now, I was on the road that would lead to the end of me! I have to get out of this car! RIGHT NOW! We were driving down the highway at 80 miles per hour and I suddenly start trying to push my Dad off of me and open the door and jump out. He grabs me by around the neck to stop me from getting the door open. I elbow him but he gets his arm around me and holds on really tight, trying desperately not to hurt me. In my state of mind, being grabbed and physically restrained was like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline on it. I started screaming and fighting for my life. I was kicking and squirming around, trying to get some leverage so I could get out of his grip and get out of the car so I would be back in my room. I kicked my dad away and started pounding on the window, determined to break it and fling myself out. My dad grabbed me again and this time put me in a wrestling “arm bar” where the side of his arm was pressed into my face and nose. The pain was almost unbearable (due to how much I was struggling, there was literally nothing else my dad could do. I’m 19 years old, as tall as he is, and he taught me how to wrestle years ago) <br> <br> I realized that I couldn’t beat him though and decided that I needed to employ deception to escape from this just like the drug was using against me. I became very calm, turned to my Dad and told him that I was sorry and I acted like I was completely calm. He gradually loosened his grip and then just held my hand. After a few minutes he let go of me. I waited for about 30 seconds then lunged for the door. I got it open this time and was about to jump out when he grabbed me by the neck and pulled me back into the car. I tried this stupid stunt at least three times before I gave up. Another reason that it didn’t occur to me that what was happening might actually be real was my complete lack of physical sensation. When my dad would grab me, it would hurt for a second but then quickly fade and there would be no marks or bruises on my arm. (There really were but I was just to fucked to see them.) This seemed impossible to me, which cemented my logic that everything was fake and I was still in my room. <br> <br> The next thing I know, I am sitting in the waiting room of a hospital. I knew that I was in a hospital but I was under the impression that I was still in my room and I was now peaking. I though that this was the final test the drug was going to throw at me. To me, here was the scenario as I saw it: I was sitting in the hospital, waiting to be led to the morgue. My Dad was sitting next to me and he looked so defeated and sad. (In real life, he was completely exhausted from fighting me for an hour and disappointed in the situation, as well as scared for my well being) I though that the drug was showing me my death, and showing me my dad’s sadness resulting from losing his son. I could not let myself be taken farther into this hospital! It would be the end of me. <br> <br> I stood up and attempted to walk out of the waiting room. My dad jumped up and grabbed me. Security ran over just as my dad got me under control. They walked away as my dad sat me down and returned to where they were originally standing. This seemed so absurd, such a pre determined sequence with no negative repercussions. (Everyone knew what I was on, my Dad had told them I took acid and he said he had it under control so security returned) In my mind this was not possible. I would have been arrested and restrained. So I tried to run out again. Same result. I knew that I would have to be clever. I said I needed to use the bathroom but my dad insisted on coming with me. I went in for a few seconds and looked for a vent or anything to climb through but had no luck. I tried to run out the door but was caught. I told my dad that I just “needed to go out to my car in the parking lot” because I though if I could just get outside then I would be back home. My dad just shook his head. I knew I had failed to escape and was running out of tries. My dad was just shaking his head because I was claiming that I drove here by myself, which was absurd, but I just needed a split second to make my escape. I tried several more methods of getting out including acting like I was going to get a pamphlet on depression then slipping out the door but was stopped by security. <br> <br> Eventually my Dad told me straight up that the police were going to have to get involved if I didn’t calm down. This stopped me in my tracks because it didn’t make any sense. This was the first time that I had heard him say something different. (I was starting to come down slightly) I stopped fighting really quick after that because I knew that no matter what was going on and what was real, police were bad. I calmed down and just sat there, waiting to see what would happen next. My name was called and my Dad led me back to the first room you enter, where they take your information, insurance, and give you a wristband with your information. I cooperated for a while but when they told me that I was going to be staying the night, I again became panicked and was a total pain in the ass. I removed the blood pressure gauge from my arm and once again claimed that I just wanted to run outside to my car for just a second. They refused and the nurse called over security who told me once again that the police were going to be involved if I didn’t stop. They were very serious and their tone of voice sent me into one of the scariest moments of the ordeal. <br> <br> It suddenly dawned on me why I was in the hospital and why there were huge gaps in my memory, the last clear memory being me in my room. I must have gotten in my car, driven away from my house, and surly caused an accident where people died. That explained the gaps in my memory and how I went from my room to the hospital. I had killed people. In my drug-induced negligence, I had gotten behind the wheel and because of that, I had killed someone. This realization hit me so hard that I almost fell over from a panic attack. I knew that I had done this and all these scattered memories from the past few hours were the result of me going insane because what I had done. I knew that my brain had created all of these fake memories to shield me from the terrible realization that my life was over. I was in a state of denial, my brain still trying to prevent me from coming to terms with the fact that I was going to wake up in the hospital and be informed of what my actions had caused. I knew I was going to jail for manslaughter. I was in the hospital because I had gone insane and was not yet fit to stand trial. That’s why security was watching me so closely and wouldn’t let me leave! That’s why I was being restrained this whole time! <br> <br> H.O.L.Y S.H.I.T. <br> <br> At this point I began hyperventilating uncontrollably. It felt like my heart stopped beating and I was afraid that I was just going to pass out. This is the scariest moment that I have ever had on drugs. Luckily, one of the nurses realized what I was thinking after I asked her how many people I killed when would I remember and assured me that nobody was hurt. Thank god. <br> <br> I was led away from my Dad and told to change into the hospital gown. This task seemed as complex as diffusing a bomb. I want to stop to point out for a second here that at this point, I wasn’t hallucinating anymore really. I was still in a state of complete mental confusion with no idea that I was actually in the hospital. I just could not shake my logic away that I am still at my house. <br> <br> For the next few hours in the hospital, I slowly gave up on trying to escape. I realized that I was never going to get out of the hospital because my mind was still playing tricks on me. There would be these really weird occurrences where I would be able to predict exactly what the nurses would say and ask me periodically through the next few hours because my mind was still so behind my input that I was living a staggered existence. In real life a nurse would come in, hook up the Iv’s ask me questions and leave. For me, I wouldn’t even be aware of the time they actually came into the room. I would imagine it happening a few minutes after it actually happened which is why it would play in loops in my head if I didn’t cooperate. The event had actually happened already and so I would just be in this endless loop of refusing the Valium and Ativan that seemed to go on for hours when in reality, I already had taken the pill and been given the shot. <br> <br> The point where I started to realize that I had ended up in the hospital was probably around 7:00 at night. A doctor came in and explained to me that I was having a bad trip and that I would be staying here until I calmed down enough to go home. I was still tripping so hard that I didn’t believe that I was in the hospital but it began to dawn on me that maybe I was going to wake up in the hospital tomorrow. I was a day behind in my brain. I still had no sense of time and I was surprised by how brief my visit in the hospital seemed to me. I lay in bed with my eyes as open as they could go and just stared at the wall. It seemed like 10 minutes later, the nurse came in with my parents and said that it was Midnight and I was free to go home. <br> <br> I apologized to my parents many times. My mom actually made a joke referencing my insane counting from 1-4 when she found me in my room. I looked at her in horror. “Holy Shit! That was real?” I realized that everything that I had though wasn’t real after I had left my room was completely real. I really fought my parents, tried to jump out of a car, said some really embarrassing things as well as removed my clothes, and I made them have to sit in the hospital with me for hours. I felt terrible after that. <br> <br> I was worried for a while that this meant that I would never be able to take a Psychedelic drug again. The day after the incident, I realized that all this ordeal had did was give me the upmost respect for hallucinogenic drugs and crushed my idea that I was immune to the bad trip. It can happen to anyone when they get out of their league. I had read plenty about people blacking out and reporting similar things that I did while having no awareness of the actions in real life. I just dismissed this as if it would never happen to me. I stand here today saying that I am an idiot. I assumed that I could take it, let alone take it and be okay in front of my parents. I will never make this mistake again. <br> <br> If you have read this far, I thank you very much and I hope you enjoyed this report. Its been about 2 months since this happened. I have taken the same tabs about 10 times since then, never taking more then 2. I will not take 3 again unless I am completely sure that I will be alone for 12+ hours. I probably would have been okay on the 3 if my parents were not home or I had stayed at my friend’s but that not the choice I made and I should have realized. Thank you again for reading and I wish everyone here the best in their journeys!<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 98139</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 28, 2015</td><td>Views: 14,157</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=98139&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=98139&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">DOB (19), LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), What Was in That? (26), Various (28)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:45</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:45</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">5 carts.</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:05</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">25 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/4_ho_dipt/">4-HO-DiPT</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:05</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:05</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This experience happened two weeks ago as of this writing. I was out of town visiting an incredible girl who for anonymity purposes will be known as X from this point forward. This was near the end of my visit, and it would be our third time taking psychedelics together. On this trip I had tried 4-HO-MiPT and nitrous oxide each for the first time, and together. I found the combination quite enjoyable, especially after coming off of a dose of DMT, so I was eager to try the nitrous on LSD this time. X also told me that 4-HO-DiPT would make a good addition to the LSD experience, so she prepared me 25 mg to take at a later point and then pulled out four sugar cubes. <br> <br> I decided that I wanted to see how these doses were going to hit me first, so I ate two sugar cubes. It occured to me as they were dissolving in my mouth that this would be more like a true oral dose than I was used to, as opposed to letting it sit on the tongue longer first, so I figured it might take a little longer to creep in too. X took her dose, and we just talked for a bit. At T+0:45 I was starting to feel pretty good, so I went ahead and ate the other two sugar cubes as well. <br> <br> X likes to use nitrous to kick in her trips, so she started preparing balloons for us. The sound still got me off guard a bit, but I was getting more used to it. I want to say that she loaded somewhere between five and six chargers for me for the first balloon, with the most I'd done before being around four or five. <br> <br> Around the time that I was really starting to feel the second dose kicking in and the first one approaching a peak, we got in bed together and prepared to inhale. Each time that I've had a balloon of nitrous so far, I've been feeling that there's definitely a traditional psychelic feel to it in the sense that I feel like the furthest into the dissociation I can go is only limited by how much I'm willing to let go of my normal consciousness, and to an extent how much I inhale of course. In my last encounter with it I had noticed that as the effects would start setting in there would be some anxiety about not being able to monitor my own health anymore the higher I got, and as I got higher there was also a feeling like I might pass out. After talking to X about this and putting more though into it, I realized that this was just my mind reacting to entering a drastically altered state, and it should be ignored. I tried to keep that in mind this time around. <br> <br> As I held in lungfuls of nitrous, I felt the same tug as before, but I simply released myself into the experience and charged forward. A very orgasmic body feeling was steadily increasing, but at the same time I felt like I was becoming less aware of it. My field of vision mostly consisted of the ceiling with some bits of the wall in front of us in my lower peripherals, and suddenly textures began to appear as if they were constantly spinning around a point in the center of my vision but without ever leaving one set part of the circle, if that makes sense. Everything just had an intense rushing feel to it, and what I was seeing actually began to look like a desert (the first one that came to mind for me was Nevada) that I was seeing through a distorted lens like tunnel vision, and the sky was light blue along with some more minor psychedelic colors like neon greens and purples. There was an RV along the horizon of the image, and it appeared to be moving I think because of the way everything was still spinning, but I feel like it was actually parked. There were two girls hanging out outside of the RV, and the only thing I really remember about them is that they had long hair and were wearing sunglasses and daisy dukes. I just watched this scene for a moment before the effects started to fade and I began remembering that I was lying in bed in the hotel room. I definitely made it a lot further out with the nitrous that time than I had before. <br> <br> X and I talked and laughed about our experiences, and at T+2:05 I decided to take my 25 mg of 4-HO-DiPT. We also decided to smoke some weed in the meantime. This is about the last time I really payed attention to time for while. While smoking we were just talking about various things - I recall trying to explain the way in which weed makes my life feel more 'third person' when I'm tripping - and X was loading us more balloons of nitrous. This time I want to say that I went with seven or eight chargers. X had told me that the 4-HO-DiPT would be kicking in pretty quickly and I was definitely starting to feel an extra energy building up, so I figured this balloon would probably kick in that trip as well. <br> <br> We got back in bed and prepared to dive in again. What it was exactly escapes me now, but X mentioned noticing something odd as part of the experience in taking the nitrous, and I attempted to give some perspective on it but I forgot what I was saying almost as quickly as I started talking, and X just told me to keep inhaling. She continued to do this while I kept laughing, which is good because I honestly don't think I would have remembered to do so on my own. My vision was becoming replaced my two gigantic gears which were grinding against each other in opposite directions. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">My vision was becoming replaced my two gigantic gears which were grinding against each other in opposite directions.</div></div> I was aware of this entire structure, but where my perspective was located was zoomed down to a microscopic level along the border where these two gears met. At this level, it was clear that the ridges of the gears were actually female faces; this is the same kind of visual I've had before when smoking Syrian rue on LSD years ago. However, this time it was more animated and remind me of the kinds of visuals I get from tripping while drunk. <br> <br> Along the border, the faces were making out with each other, and if I watched them for long enough they would expand to full abstract scenery and perceptions of people. The cartoony visionary aspect of the visuals I was getting reminded me of combining LSD with mushrooms, but it was more futuristic and technicolor, more energetic. The combination was very nice. The imagery that was forming was always very romantic or erotic. <br> <br> X and I talked more about our experiences as they were beginning to level out, and I noticed that all of my psychedelic doses were now running in full force. We both felt like exploring the outside world for a while, so after a little bit of preparation we went out for a walk. The first thing we really came across was a bridge covered in graffiti, one part of which was explicitly psychedelic. We took some pictures and then walked around some more trying to decide what to do. Eventually we decided to head down to the nearby nature preserve and check it out, which turned out to be a pretty good idea. There was really no one else there at any of the stops we went to, so we just got to enjoy the mindset of beauty of it all. I got to see forests and valleys way beyond what I normally get to see at home, and some gorgeous lakes as well at the bottom of those. The psychedelics of course only made this all even more wonderful, as did getting to enjoy it all with X. I took lots of pictures and just appreciated life for a bit. <br> <br> I would say that by this point the 4-HO-DiPT was starting to lose most of its influence on me - it really does hit fast and then not last too long - but the LSD had switched more into its second phase which is always more stimulating to me. X and I had actually been talking about the studies researching the differences in these two phases earlier on and so we were both eager to see if doing nitrous again would be different this time around after we allowed that transition to happen. Eventually we headed back to the hotel room to find out. <br> <br> Upon arrival we smoked more weed while X prepared the balloons, and this time I definitely used eight more chargers. The visuals had died down a little bit by the time we returned, but even just being back in that room was bringing back the feeling from before a bit again. However, when the nitrous was kicking in this time, there was almost no significant visual focus whatsoever, but rather an auditory one, which isn't really something I had gotten from nitrous before. I thought it was interesting because X and I had been talking about DiPT earlier when in the preserve, and now I was getting an experience with a strong auditory component. We were still just talking during our experience, and everything that we said was echoing several times and hearing registered in a very low pitch. During this experience X also imparted to me something of great importance to remember, so I did my best to take it to heart. We continued our discussions until the effects began to wind down again, and then we decided to smoke some weed and order some pizza. We just ordered it from a local place, but it was freaking delicious!! It was definitely a great way to feel refreshed at the end of a long day. <br> <br> We ended up doing nitrous once more after this which was mostly just a refresh of the earlier experience for me, and I remembered what X had told me. Afterwards we ended up watching a movie that X really wanted me to see and that fit the mood of the trip for me perfectly, and then we ended up ending the night on an (innocent) romantic note, before finally going to bed. <br> <br> X kept saying about this experience that it had a strong anti-anxiety effect on her, and I would definitely have to say the same about my own. I laughed a lot and really enjoyed myself. The LSD and 4-HO-DiPT also made for a beautiful combination, and being able to let go into the nitrous more than I had before several times left me feeling even more confident than I had already been feeling lately with all the tripping I've been doing. As this was also the last full day of my visit with X too, I felt it was a very nice send off. It left me in pretty high spirits when I got home. <br> <br> The last note I would add is that I would really like to try 4-HO-DiPT by itself some time too. It certainly seemed like it has some promise to me, and the onset and duration seem like they'd make it very practical. I can say at least that it made for an excellent complement to the first phase of the LSD.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 103265</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Feb 28, 2016</td><td>Views: 5,465</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=103265&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=103265&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Nitrous Oxide (40), 4-HO-DiPT (281) : Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Mid January - I am at the peak of my existence in terms of health, energy, and happiness. Present and happy to be here now I have been practicing Kundalini Yoga regularly for 4 months now and it has opened many doors and caused me to be moving faster than ever before in my path in life. For about three weeks I have been practicing every day, sometimes twice a day and feel great. I had also been setting a lot of intentions through my spiritual practice- to embody the essence of love and to be open and honest with my actions among others. These intentions, in the process of reshaping my life would shape my trip as well. All my other psychedelic and spiritual experiences had taught me so much about life and truth that I couldn’t imagine that I had much more to learn. One thing I was interested in learning more about was the nature of our dreams. This inquiry I submitted into the universe gently and patiently to see what I would be taught. Along with my personal spiritual practice I have met many wonderful and open people who share my beliefs and goals in life. Among these is A, a new friend who has experienced many other natural psychedelics and such but has never experienced LSD. I, having dabbled in it enough to consider myself experienced, enthusiastically agree to share her first experience with her. It is at this point that our journey began. <br> <br> I kind of wanted to take a large dose, but wanted to be on the same level as A. We agreed to take 2 each. I took the vial and gently dropped two on each of our tongues. This acid is called Amber and tastes unusually bitter. We talked and played some music, waiting for the trip to begin. <br> <br> It took about 45 minutes to start feeling the effects, first some interesting body sensations and then distortions in perception. The visuals kicked in for A before they did for me, probably due to the fact that I had eaten relatively shortly before dosing. They started to work for me too and I began to have an urge to go outside. It was very cold for Texas, about 30 degrees and it took us forever to bundle up and go outside. Finally I managed to get my water bottle and my keys and we headed out. I was struck by more rainbows than I had ever witnessed before. The sky, which had been dark and cloudy for days, cleared up enough to glimpse the striking contrast of the black night sky behind the swiftly moving clouds. I saw what I perceived on a microscopic level to be each individual water molecule connected to create the whole cloud. Everything was changing and flowing and it looked marvelous. After staring awestruck for a little longer we proceeded to migrate to an elementary school field in my neighborhood. This took a long time because everything looked amazing! The concrete seemed to be sinking in twisting patterns and the trees reached out to us, beckoning with bright rainbows streaming through them. <br> <br> A and I laughed and ambled along and I was struck with a certain familiarity, as though I had known her forever and we had been on journeys together before, though we had only met a few months ago. We surmised it may have been previous lifetimes. Finally we made it to the field and it seemed that the grass was reaching up at us and waving in those same rainbow patterns. We lay up at the sky again and talked and stared. The half moon made a surprise appearance, cascading brilliant white light through the void in the clouds. Everything was so beautiful. After probably 3 hours, we were both freezing and decided to head back. I was once again struck by the grandeur of the trees but the low temperature rushed me along. We came across an immensely fluffy cat, whom I consider a neighborhood friend. The cat’s personality cracked me up as in unabashedly rolled all over the place seeking attention. I sensed the energy present inside this cat and respected it as its own being. We made our farewells and then proceeded to continue on the path to my apartment. <br> <br> When we got inside I truly realized how cold we had been out there. My fingers and toes were numb at the tips and I massaged them to try and bring back sensation. I was very calm and clearheaded at this point and felt at complete peace. My mind, usually assailed by thought torrents, was completely serene. I felt meditative and calm, relaxed and immobile. A and I sat on the couch together and talked some more. She attempted to describe to me what was going on in her mind and what thoughts, ideas, and sounds were popping up. What she was saying seemed so amusing to me and I tried to imagine it but felt only the calm detachment of my mind. After awhile I got up to stretch and briefly did some yoga poses. I couldn’t really focus on a complete set so I just let it flow as I felt. It was about 3 in the morning at this point and most of the visuals had tapered out. I began to think about how sore my body was and how much I would appreciate a massage. Then I thought about how I can help other people and was struck with sudden inspiration to give A a massage. I just felt out what would feel good to me and proceeded to give her what I was feeling. I could tell she really appreciated it and it made me happy to be able to help and show my love. A received a text message from our instructor at this point which ordered her to arrive promptly at the yoga studio for morning Sadhana which she is required to do as part of teacher training. We didn’t quite know what to make of it and I was sorry to see her go so soon, but I made her some cereal and berries and sent her off with a blessing. <br> <br> At this point I decided that I would make myself cereal and smoke weed and then go to sleep. It was cold and I was exhausted. This is when things really went crazy in my mind. I hadn’t smoked weed for a day or two prior and was not expecting in the least bit what was going to happen. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I hadn’t smoked weed for a day or two prior and was not expecting in the least bit what was going to happen.</div></div> I fixed myself cereal, loaded my bong and took a few good rips. It was a creeper and I found myself in a completely altered state of awareness very suddenly a couple of minutes after smoking. My mind which had been so calm and tranquil earlier began to run at least four times as fast as usual. I was filled with all these crazy noises and bizarre cartoon-like thought voices. It took me a little bit to orient myself and I realized that this was my glimpse into the parade of A’s mind, which she had only been able to describe to me earlier. I found myself amused and challenged by the constant thought barrage. The invasive thoughts were not limited to the likes of A’s mind but rather were what I perceived to be auric energy imprints of other people whom I had interacted with recently or frequently. Some of the thoughts seemed like insignificant background noise, others were invalidating bullshit, and some were just bizarre. <br> <br> I found the amusement within to take the situation very lightly so there was no point in which I was out of control. I found I just had to keep on recentering myself amidst all this hullaballoo to remain connected to truth and love. I used all the tools of acceptance and detachment which I have learned in previous psychedelic episodes and through my spiritual practice. Many thought forms and torrents were from my friend H, whose mind I have entered once before in the depths of a strong acid trip. I realized the residual effects resulted in creating a channel between our minds through which thoughts, ideas, and emotions could travel. This was fascinating yet dangerous and I feel that this experience truly helped me to realize the effects people can have on each other. We have tremendous potential as groups for motivation and growth, yet there is also immense danger when people use this influence for manipulation and deceit. Thankfully, I was in a position where I could clearly see beyond all the psychobabble and cut through to pure truth in love, or else this would have been a different story entirely. <br> <br> Everything in my mind was happening so fast at this point that its hard to recall clearly, but I learned many things. My request to learn about dreaming was answered and I realized the nature of dreams, as alternate aspects in the dual nature of consciousness. What I mean by this is that what happens in our daily waking life that affects us on a subconscious level is mirrored in our dreams. These can be very subtle things that affect our mindset which may be exaggerated greatly in the framework of our dreams. I realized that our dreams are also not limited to ourselves but are also influenced by others whom we interact with and the thought-forms which they generate. <br> <br> Another interesting thing I realized was that I had been given this psychedelic experience already in the dream state the night before. This was not the first time it had happened but one of the most pronounced times which it had happened in a while. For almost a year prior, I had had these dreams in which I was a third person observer of my waking state, making comments and watching myself intently in the process of daily activities. When I awoke I would always forget the dream, but smoking marijuana brought about awareness and remembrance and allowed me a shortsighted (30 second-couple of minute) premonition of what events were going to take place, what would be said and done-etc. I realized that I had made this agreement in my dream last night that part one of my trip (as well as my dream) would be filled with clarity while part two would serve as the mirror in which I would experience all the auric attachment and subconscious thought analyzation mumbo-jumbo in order to learn the what I needed to. <br> <br> Everything was happening so fast I could barely keep up. I felt my chakras vibrating, spiraling, and going crazy. I felt all of them but some were definitely more pronounced. My naval chakra felt very strong and I realized that this was why I was remaining centered during this crazy mind hurricane and was a result of daily navel strengthening exercises of kundalini yoga. My heart also felt open and this was the source of my acceptance and openness to love so I could let go of all of the unwanted thoughts. However, the most intense feeling of the chakras resided in the third eye, from which I felt the most intense throbbing and pulsing of my life. It seemed like a sky beam shooting out of my forehead and into the universe. I got an intense urge to meditate and abandoned my cereal to go lie on the couch. I tried to focus but like I said my mind was going 4 times faster than normal and every time I tried to focus my awareness had already fled to some other fancy. <br> <br> The same thought pattern looped in my mind: A bizarre thought would come up, I would accept it and realize that I was God (endowed with infinite creative energy), then I would realize that this meant that it was my duty to affirm all that is God through love. I would hear the universe laughing in this little jingle sound as all the molecules which make up all that is manifest would vibrate with joy. Then the whole process would begin again! This took less than a second but happened continually and was actually quite amusing. I looked up at my ceiling fan and saw this ancient script spiraling and making up the form of the fan. I looked around the room and realized that this script was what composed everything. It was one word and I knew it meant love. It was continually moving but I saw that it contained some sort of molecular code for the composition of all objects. Perhaps this was the source of manifestation seen it yet another light! <br> <br> I closed my eyes and really felt my body. The last Kundalini kriya I had done the night of this trip was targeted very much toward solar energy or Pingala. According to yogic science, chakras are aligned along the shushmana, the central energy channel along the spine. Spiraling in a double-helical fashion similar to that of DNA are the lunar and solar energy channels: Ida and Pingala, respectively. The left nostril is responsible for Ida while the right is so for Pingala. This gained a whole new meaning for me as I felt the intense split in power between my right and my left side. My left felt thick and heavy and when I closed my eyes I saw a purple-blue moving maze on my whole left side. My right on the other hand felt airy and almost empty and when I closed my eyes I saw yellow-orange-green spirals. I felt as though the solar kriya had made my energies go off balance with my solar almost depleted. This also served to explain my calm meditative state of the night before (and may also have something to do with my lack of sleep). The disparity was so intense that when I closed my eyes and tried to travel up and down the chakras, I was unable to because I had a sort of skewed double-vision, akin to astigmatism. This amused me and empowered because it was an affirmation of the power that the Kundalini Yoga was giving me. <br> <br> Amid all these rapid revelations was the same recurring theme: I am God, I have the infinite power to create things into manifestation, as part of the Source, I am the Source. But every time I got caught into the wonder of the power always the universe reminded me laughing that this was all love, my power was intended for good, for the greater service to humanity. There was no place for the ego. I realized that this would be my biggest challenge as growing to become an enlightened being I needed to be responsible with my gifts and not get caught up in an ego-trip. <br> <br> I closed my eyes and began to get rapid visions of the past, present, and future. I saw that my weakness, arrogance, was inherited from my father in my DNA but that I could let go of it and live with love first, through continual and vigilant determination and practice through service of the greater good of humanity. Certain messages and bits of information relevant to my immediate life were transmuted to me in the forms of images and words: “You are a very special being, and are here on this planet at this time for an important and specific reason to assist in a global transformation. This time on earth is very crucial, everything is moving faster and further than ever before. There is about to be a massive shift, in which you will play a huge part. Austin is going to be one of the crucial centers for this transformation so it is very important for you to be here now. I saw images of many of the wonderful people whom I have met in this community and realized that we were all here together right now for this grander purpose. I saw my spirit- light, bright, colorful, mischievous, and perpetually filled with the wonder of a child. I knew I was here to move quickly on an accelerated course in life so I could help and heal others with my love. I saw all the people in my life- my relatives and how they had shaped me as a child, though I was wild and had flown into the world to be free. I saw so many old friends and family who were not ready to take the jump, let go of fear, and live for love. Their spirits were delicate and beautiful but suppressed by some areas of darkness, knots of fear. I loved them but I knew they were on their own paths and would come home to love in time on their own. <br> <br> In the mean time all I could do was keep space in my heart and let my love flow to them. I saw in particular my (step)sister M, my oldest friend whom I have grown up with. I saw her spirit, also light, airy, interspersed with glittery iridescent swirls of color- aqua, coral, cream, and teal. I saw how important her purpose was in life, how we had been partners in past lifetimes in many different types of relationships and how integral our roles had been in each other’s growth and development. I saw how deeply she had been wounded in this lifetime so far and all the steps she had made to uncover her brightness in the healing process. I knew she would grow above and beyond and that our roles in each others paths would continue and strengthen over time. All these revelations filled me with wonder and remembrance of purpose and I glowed with gratitude to be exactly where I was in my journey in life. <br> <br> After awhile the visions subsided and I realized that I had pretty much completely come down. I thought about all I had learned and been shown and tried to remember it all even though it had come so fast. I’m sure there are things that I have forgotten. In conclusion, though I have already grasped the larger scope of the meaning and purpose in life, there is always more to learn and experience on the journey. The overall theme of this trip for me was that the animating love energy of the soul is infinite in scope and power, yet it is only through love and service that it may be tapped into and expanded. <br> <br> This trip definitely empowered me and assured me of my purpose and path in existence. I am very grateful to myself for keeping strong with my daily practice of Kundalini Yoga, which has strengthened and transformed me to a degree where I was able to accept these insights. I am equally grateful to my friends and teachers who have helped me get to the point where I am at. As for LSD, though it has taught me much I don’t want to trip too often, because I believe that psychedelics are great tools for awakening, but it is through a daily practice and discipline that we really progress over time, continually laying the foundation for being and becoming who we are. However, next time I do choose to trip I plan to go full out and take 6 or more hits and see what the universe has to show me this time. Namaste :)<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 89368</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 19, 2016</td><td>Views: 5,526</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=89368&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=89368&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Yoga / Bodywork (202) : Combinations (3), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 ug</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 8:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">350 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> There have been new experiences for me this past year. I went from never having tried drugs, even weed, to becoming an experienced psychonaut. My first time on psychedelics was a very pleasant one but had been very muddled. It was a night fueled with meth, weed, 25i, and inhalants. Not a smart choice. But after having a wonderful night on shrooms, I wanted to experience LSD. Being a part of the [ ] community has taught me so much about the best parts of drug use and exploring one's mind. So naturally I talked to many people about their own experiences with LSD and decided that this journey would be one that I would take slowly. With that in mind, I decided to try a small dose, 100ug, to whet my whistle. My LSD arrived, and as fate would have it, dosed onto my favorite thing on the planet. Orange pez. It was as if the world were tempting me with LSD-laced, sugary, golden perfection. Always a great sign. <br> <br> I had a playlist prepared. Music for me, as with so many others, is key with any trip. My tastes are not limited to any particular EDM or one genre. Rather, it's a collection of songs I have picked up over the past year. Anytime I hear XXYYXX About You, I am brought back to listening to it for the first time with my friend [ ] and talking about religion and war. Hearing Bliss n Eso;s Field of Dreams brings to mind another friend talking to me about picking up the pieces of my life. So having my playlist ready was key for me. But as I began to prepare to dose, I was in the [ ] Tinychat room with friends. Most notably, one of the founders of [ ]. We talked a bit and I saw that he was currently djing for the [ ] radio station. So I thought I would tune in for a bit to see what he had on tap. I was not disappointed. He had so many great songs on the line up for me. If you ever have the opportunity to have a personal dj for a trip, 10/10 would recommend. From the Beatles, to EDM, to rock and indie songs, everything molded my sensations and feelings. Songs were beautiful and varied and seemed to speak to me on a higher level. <br> <br> I dosed at 9:30 pm and began feeling a body load that was new and unusual for me. It was akin to the anticipation one gets when getting ready to ride a roller coaster. The chatting in line with friends, getting the giggles when you finally sit into a seat, the way you feel when the straps come across your body that will hold you safe from certain death, the initial excitement of the huge contraption taking off with your fragile human body inside, the rush of the climb of the first hill, and the explosion of butterflies in your chest as you see the descent into gravity-decimating fun that is ahead. <br> <br> I had a grin on my face from those first feelings of anticipation and a nervous energy that felt amazing. Jokes and things my friends were saying were funnier. Colors became more vibrant, slowly at first, then more and more as the trip progressed. I liked the feeling of connectivity that being on a solo trip can bring but also was directly linked with my friends through [ ]. This dual level of connection is unique but also beautiful, <br> <br> I listened to music as though I had never heard it before. Chills ran over my skin and hearing the combination of music and my friend's voices coming through my headphones put me in a mood of delight and whimsical excitement. My friend [ ] talked to me in his beautiful Welsh accent and told me he was linking a song called 'Vein of Stars' by The Flaming Lips. 'It's the only song that kinda makes me ok with the idea of dying. Not that I want to die, but that the peace of it is ok'. This struck me as the most enveloping and beautiful idea. I felt the lyrics wash over me and I understood wholly what he was saying. The LSD trip was both outwardly receptive to the new experiences as well as inwardly reflective on my insignificance of my life in the grand scheme. <br> <br> My feelings of wanting everyone with me were fairly overwhelming. I wanted to see their faces, hear their thoughts, know their minds. Each person came in to the tinychat channel, partially because they knew it was my first trip and partially because they wanted to see how I was faring. I listened to conversations like I hadn't understood things before. Words held weight for me. My dearest confidante and friend, [ ], said something that struck me as insightful and encompassing. He said, 'I am glad to see you enjoy this trip so much. It is your first one. There have been lots of other people who have been on the same trip as you. But this one is uniquely yours'. It made me feel the theme of the trip, connectivity, as a universal and yet primal need. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">It made me feel the theme of the trip, connectivity, as a universal and yet primal need.</div></div> <br> <br> There are always firsts for any user. The first time you try a drug you can read about it, study it, prepare for it, but in the end you must experience it. I came into this trip with preconceived notions, like any of us have. Walls didn't disintegrate into pools of water. I didn't see my face melt away in a mirror. The low dose helped give me a gentle nudge into the new realm of psychedelics that I hadn't experienced before. I wouldn't have traded it for another trip. <br> <br> At 6am, I was feeling the come down from my trip. I could feel it wane and yet the feelings of happiness and being at peace with the earth were still very strong. More than anything, I wanted to share it with everyone. My friend [ ] recommended that I smoke some weed if I had any. I found, quite literally, one hit left within my pipe. A small toke was all that was needed to help me regain some of the high I had felt a few hours before. I gathered up my laptop, my blanket, my tripping hat (a silly blue owl hat with ear flaps and for some odd reason, a tear drop below its eye) and walked to the backyard to watch the sunrise. I continued to have my webcam on and talked with everyone about how thankful I was that they had gotten to experience this trip with me. I listened to the birds sing. I watched the clouds slowly melt from the sun's kiss. I looked at the colors of the sky and imagined how it must have been for the first person to ever take LSD. They saw the same sun rise as I was seeing. But this trip was uniquely mine.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 102840</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 31</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jun 4, 2016</td><td>Views: 15,409</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=102840&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=102840&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">buccal</td> <td class="dosechart-substance">1P-LSD</td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">buccal</td> <td class="dosechart-substance">1P-LSD</td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Beer/Wine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">buccal</td> <td class="dosechart-substance">1P-LSD</td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">250 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 3:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 drops</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Substance: 1P-LSD, MDMA, LSD <br> <br> Anticipations: <br> Known results from 1 square of 1P-LSD by itself. Known results of up to 10 doses of LSD by itself as well as in conjunction with up to 0.5g MDMA. Known results from up to 0.7g MDMA by itself. <br> I anticipate that a combination of the substances, at higher doses, and timed intervals should reveal intensified visual and noise hallucinations. With the presence of MDMA, I anticipate that the experience will be enjoyable. <br> <br> Setting: <br> The weather is sunny, hot, and humid; with a light breeze. It's 5:00 PM when I arrive home from work and begin experimenting. I have eaten nothing since lunch time. I should be home alone until about mid-night. Situated on a hill with a great view of nature. I have the freedom to do as I please. No medications or abnormal substances had been ingested for at least 3 days prior to the experiment. <br> <br> Dosage: <br> 3 squares of 1P-LSD, 0.25 grams of MDMA, 3 drops of LSD <br> <br> Methods: <br> Let 1P-LSD blotter sit in mouth for around 10 minutes before swallowing. Take 1 square at a time, separated by 1 hour. Wrap MDMA in thin paper and parachute with a drink. Drop 3 doses of liquid LSD onto hand and then lick it off with tongue. <br> <br> Time Stamps: <br> <br> 5:00 PM <br> I take 1 square of 1P-LSD and 0.25 grams of MDMA. I go into the yard and do some chores. <br> <br> 6:00 PM <br> I return to the house where music is playing and take another square of 1P-LSD. Tiny vibrations cause a fuzzy effect to my visual senses of everything around me. I feel intimate and euphoric connections. <br> I am sweating but very relaxed. I drink a beer and smoke some weed. <br> <br> 6:30 PM <br> Noticing vibrant colors more, heightened awareness. I have a feeling of slight anxiety since my motivation to be productive is slipping away. I am definitely feeling in the groove. Savant is playing on the computer and I increase the volume. I am still sweating heavily. I am only able to concentrate minutely – I cannot seem to direct my focus and concentration; a sense of fait controls it all. Slight speedy feel – to just dance would be perfect. <br> <br> 7:00 PM <br> I notice that it’s been another hour and so I take another square of 1P-LSD. Swooshing of movement. I cannot seem to keep a smile down. I begin to share my experience with a friend and my wife and make them aware of my research trials. <br> I experience a sensation deeper than hearing – a tickle of something more (like sounds move through my brain causing a sense of feel and a real physical presence within me). <br> Sounds and atmosphere directly affect the visual appearance of things (colors and shades). There is an Aura of light, color, and sound present in all that I perceive – each directly affecting the other. <br> <br> 7:30 PM <br> I am absorbed in the trip and really feeling the roll. There is a wave and pulsation to everything in my vision. My limbs and body parts all seem to be far away and small. I am surprised at how well I am able to do things. The river's current is so strong, yet alteration takes but a twig. Things that are in my vision begin to move and dance freely as if they are not tied to the place where they are. I feel deep rhythm. I have slight stomach discomfort – possibly caused by a shift in music / Ora. <br> <br> Things move away and get closer on their own as if they are breathing. An in and then out – chattering / shuttering of visuals; like waves of becoming overwhelmed. I have a huge feeling of being swept away, like so much is coming in, over, and onto me. Colored dots and foreign specks independently invade my entire visual scope. Feeling the need to breath, feeling a flood over all of my senses. Feeling the need to yawn. Where my mind is clear – it’s crystal clear, everything else seems to be blurred out and hazy. Very acute awareness and deep feelings of emotion and natural universal connection. <br> <br> 7:45 PM <br> Listening to #1 club hits 2014 Best of Dance. Visual hallucinations are vivid and intense. <br> <br> 8:00 PM <br> I notice that its 8:00 and take 3 doses of LSD. I am already completely consumed in the music and the feelings. Genius thoughts go through my mind, but too fast to grab at. To concentrate beyond waoh is very difficult. Almost consumed in my trip. I feel a peace though, and a good understanding of what I am getting into. A sense of calm about it all; as, by the second – more and more sensations come in upon me. I am comfortable. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">more and more sensations come in upon me. I am comfortable.</div></div> <br> <br> 8:30 PM <br> Nearly incapable of focusing outside the trip. Still becoming overwhelmed. <br> <br> 8:45 PM <br> I am so into the music – I am just sitting and feeling. A truly magical place lies just beyond what I can see. I go to water the plants… <br> <br> 10:00 PM <br> Finally settling into my state and gaining the ability to focus and concentrate. Feeding the plants was good for helping me to relax and pass the time. I begin straightening up the house – still experiencing intense hallucinations. I can function within the trip. <br> <br> 11:00 PM <br> I had lost track of time and was slightly startled by the sound of the truck coming up the driveway. My wife arrived home and I went outside to greet her. She was aware of my experiment and was very gentle in our interactions. We spent probably an hour on the porch in the calm cool summer breeze while she played a card game and I mostly stared into space. The stars seemed to be dipping, shooting, and dancing all through the sky. There was a depth dimension to space and I could visualize the vastness of the universe; like how the sky which we see is but a tiny portion of the mass we call space. <br> <br> 12:00 PM <br> My wife and I ate bagels with cream cheese and watched Game of Thrones in bed briefly before falling asleep. No issue falling asleep or staying asleep. <br> <br> 6:00 AM <br> Woke up to my alarm with some slight grogginess and fatigue but hardly more than normal. After a cup of coffee and getting some morning chores done, I am ready for the day and off to work like normal. Some slight fuzz brain during the day and a minor headache. Headache relieved by ibuprofen. No real lasting side effects besides a calm and sense of understanding and fulfillment. <br> <br> Conclusion: <br> I am pleased overall with the experiment. I believe that starting a trip with some MDMA does enhance the onset and noticeability of the hallucinations caused by 1P-LSD. I believe that separating the doses of 1P-LSD by 1 hour caused for a hallucination onset that was manageable and not too much at once. Spanning the intake of 1P-LSD and LSD over 3 hours caused for about 4 hours (6PM – 10PM) of peak time. <br> <br> The presence of music is key in carrying senses into a vivid hallucination state. Next time I would do the dishes before beginning the experiment as unfinished chores caused some anxiety. Any future experiments should include the intentional and scheduled consumption of water. I believe this would lessen the grogginess and fuzz brain during the following day. <br> <br> It is likely that my empty stomach aided in the intensification of hallucinations but the feeling of hunger was present, uncomfortable, and distracting throughout the trip. At these doses, a light meal prior to the intake of substances would not be expected to effect the intensity of hallucinations by very much.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 108676</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 25</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 22, 2016</td><td>Views: 5,372</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=108676&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=108676&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">MDMA (3), 1P-LSD (682), LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">500 ug</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">59 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I want to try and give here a phenomenological description of a chemical self-induced psychosis (bad trip), which I experienced about 15 years ago, most likely in 1995. The peak of that experience was the temporary complete eradication of my consciousness and personality in an extreme state of pure anxiety. Following that description, I try and describe the process, that 'rebooted' my personality, and interpret the underlying psychological processes. <br> <br> My personal background and trauma connected to the event is, that my parents divorced when I was 7 years, experienced a mild sexual abuse from13 to 15 years of age, as I also started drinking and smoking around 13 years. Hash and more 'hard drugs' beginning with the age of 16. By the age of 20 I was an 'acid head', enjoying much time on LSD and psylos (hallucinogenic mushrooms). The experience is located in a house, that had been a squat for over 10 years, but now the occupants were moving out and the owner regained control of his property. The atmosphere was depressed and the future uncertain. I was on my way to this house from our home in the village (Funny Farm), and administered to myself orally the strongest dose of lysergic acid dietylamid (LSD) I ever took, about 500 micrograms. <br> <br> In the evening, only two of my friends stayed with me in the living room of that house, all others were in the city, partying. I held a big cup of tea in my hands, and felt the chemical starting to exercise its effects. For a moment I had the impression that the cup in my hands was my brain, which I drank from. Then this comfortable warmth spread through my body, a feeling of 'coming home', which signalised the start of the trip. The feeling, that my brain opened up to all knowledge and all wisdom was freely accessible and became a part of myself, and I a part of it. <!--This is a typical experience for all who use acid.--> <br> <br> At one point the walls, floor and ceiling began to merge into each other, the world began to flow like a river. I experienced myself as part of everything and completely integrated in the 'Big Picture', an atom in an ectoplasmic sea, an illuminated being of eternal dimensions. These optical and emotional hallucinations, as well as the 'grand thoughts' have been a general part of my LSD experiences and the reason why I took it. <br> <br> But then something exceptional happened: The trip hit hard. So hard, that I completely forgot that I was under strong chemical influence. This was usually a safeguard, to remember, while tripping, that it's all part of the trip. Now this was gone. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">This was usually a safeguard, to remember, while tripping, that it's all part of the trip. Now this was gone.</div></div> A few weeks before, I read George Orwell's novel '1984', which plays out a terrible vision of the future, with a complete monitored and surveilled world with a secret 'thought-police' and constant war as a means to control society and production. The anti-hero in Orwell's novel was captured by the thought-police and tortured in the Ministry of Love, in room 101. In this room the prisoners are faced with their inner worst fear. <br> <br> The walls around me acted like bubbles that are about to burst. I found myself in a reality, I could not comprehend. I stood before one of my friends and begged him, 'Help me, please, please help me!' None of them knew that I had taken LSD. Neither did I. Now the anxiety centers in my brain really warmed up, and naked, total fear spread to each cell in my body. I realised, that my two friends were actually members of the infamous thought-police. I knew they came to expose me and torture me in room 101. In panic I stormed out of the living room into the kitchen and took hold of the bread knife. I wanted to defend myself by all means possible. I waited in the kitchen. Nobody came. If they would have come and forced me out, I would have killed them. Then I reasoned with myself and thought, that this was not the solution. They were the almighty thought-police, and already in my head. So maybe I was the problem. And that could be solved by a strike to the heart with the bread knife. But something inside me knew, that this also was not a solution. So I dropped the knife and went back into the living room. <br> <br> Now I was in room 101. I did not know my greatest fear, but there it was. It filled me out, each part of my body and every angle of my thoughts. No escape. There is no God. The walls were thin as paper, and they were about to tear. And behind the walls was evil. Not a relative evil, but the ultimate, all consuming, destroying, powerful evil. And I lost all hope. On LSD time is perceived very different from the regular, common perception. Sometimes time is not perceived at all. Only eternity. Here and now, nothing else. To my great despair, this was the state I found myself in. A prisoner of the ultimate evil, without hope, without time. Nothing human to be found. My friends were sleeping, and I, or the last rudiments of 'I', were dissolving in eternal horror and hopelessness, all strength drizzled out of my body. <br> <br> And at last there was nothing more. <br> <br> REGENERATION AND THE LOGIC-MACHINE <br> <br> Of course, I cannot describe the 'state of nothingness'. Let the philosophers discuss it. <br> <br> Consciousness is registering a cramp, there is transparent liquid vomit on the floor. <br> Consciousness registers 'I' am vomit. <br> Consciousness registers wooden floor under the vomit. <br> Consciousness registers 'I' am wooden floor and have always been wooden floor. <br> <br> These are the first conscious moments after my personality had been dissolved by anxiety. I am laying on one of the sofas in the living room, opposite on the other sofa my friend sleeps. I am registering the whole room, not really sure of what I am and how I fit into this scenario. Slowly my body feeling returns to me. I conclude, that I am not the wooden floor, since 'I' and the wooden floor have very distinct and different proportions. There is a division, a separation between 'I' and the rest of the room. This division came to my awareness by the increasing feeling of my physical form. Very shortly, when my consciousness registered the sofa after the wooden floor, I thought to be a sofa. But this happened almost simultaneously with recognizing myself lying on that sofa, so I had to smile at the thought of 'being a sofa'. <br> <br> Now I saw my friend sleeping on the other sofa, and went softly to him, kneeling at the sofa. I compared myself to him, and came to the liberating conclusion 'I am a man'. This whole process of regeneration did not take more than a few seconds. That which started the process, I call 'logic machine' and explain it further in my following interpretation of this phenomena. <br> <br> PSYCHOLOGICAL INTERPRETATION OF THE SUBJECTIVE EXPERIENCE OF THE LSD-PSYCHOSIS <br> The whole experience from the beginning of fear to nothingness had a duration of about 3 hours, as we later recapitulated. I now start the interpretation with the last paragraph, 'Regeneration and the Logic-Machine'. In the first parts of seconds of the conscious awakening, there is no form or division. All that registers is one. This I interpret as a revival of the symbiotic state, where the child does not make a distinction between itself and the mother, as described in Mahler's Object Relations Theory (Objektrelationsteori). <br> <br> The description here goes only as far as to the point of separation, where I draw a line between 'I' and 'you' (my friend on the other sofa). <br> <br> I thought a lot about, how I came from 'nothingness' to 'I' through the consciousness. 'I am the wooden floor' is an extreme strange state of being, like a small flash of consciousness, that has no critical sense, but accepts all. I believe that the Logic-Machine is part of the origin of my personality, that dates back into my earliest childhood. It registers the surroundings and put them into relation to self. Because I had a healthy and safe childhood up to the first seven years, this part of my personality had not been violated. This fundamental structure made it possible for me to heal the condition the bad trip had caused me. That is, why this condition also not was a real psychosis, but only like a psychosis. <br> <br> The worst thinkable fear, expressed in the experience with one sentence: 'There is no God' (read: there is no goodness, mercy or love). Psychologically seen, the situation was a reproduction of the divorce. The underlying fear is the fear of separation, which is the base fear of my existence. <br> <br> That fear was made very real in the divorce of my parents and the intimacy of my childhood had a sudden end. Through the deep impact of LSD, I was able to dive into these areas of my subconsciousness, and was confronted with the inner terms and trauma that resulted from that time. <br> <br> All relations were hurt or disappeared, when I lost faith in others during the divorce. The separation was reality, with all the ugly consequences, to my subjective experience and perception. For most of my adult life, I believed the divorce happened when I was 10 years old. Later on, through talks with my Grandmother, I learned that I was 7. That meant, I suppressed the first three years after the divorce from my consciousness. <br> <br> The 'ultimate evil', that destroyed me, is a projection of my own Lifeworld (oplevelses verden), which I split in order to bear with the emotional trauma (Liv Strand). The experience of this evil is a direct result of my fear of separation, not accepting the terms of the divorce, because of the heavy emotional crisis. <br> <br> When I am in the kitchen during the bad trip, I contemplate suicide. Something inside of me rejects this as a doable solution. When I was in my early teens, I learned the technique of auto suggestion, reading about it and also having my mother explain it to me. I used this for myself, because I had the impression, that life would be extremely difficult to deal with. I adopted subconsciously the attitude, that 'I would never commit suicide, no matter how bad things turned out. No matter how bad things go, it will be good again'. This became a deep conviction for me. And I believe it was the reason why I survived the situation in the kitchen. <br> <br> The hallucinations and grand thoughts had their origin in the impact of the lysergic acid on the brain and are a natural effect of the acid consumption. Those were not part of my personality, but a desirable and coveted result of LSD intake. That is why this experience was not a real psychopathological psychosis, but merely a pseudo psychosis. I felt inspired by Timothy Leary in these days, who was an American psychiatrist who believed LSD could be used to understand man's mind. <br> Jan :) <br> <br> written in Hamar, Norway, 2008. <br> Translated into English and edited in Haugesund, Norway, 2015 <br> <br> <!--http://www.mustardseedministries7.com/uploads/4/2/9/2/42923535/bad_tripenglish.pdf--><!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1995</td><td width="90">ExpID: 108950</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 22</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 1, 2016</td><td>Views: 9,181</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=108950&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=108950&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Bad Trips (6)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:35</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">165 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> When I took this drug, I took it because I wanted to change my life. When I was a child I was badly abused by my best friend. When I came to college, I was in many ways a person deeply handicapped. I was painfully shy and struggled to talk to strangers. I was extremely apathetic and I rarely did my homework. I had no experience with intimacy. These were all of the things I believed about myself at that time. <br> <br> I had read about people having life-changing experiences using acid, and I increasingly felt it was something I would like to do, and that maybe it would effect a positive change in my life. By this point I had fairly extensive experience with alcohol and marijuana but I had never done any more powerful psychedelics that commonly come to mind such as shrooms, etc. I told a friend of mine (Arthur) about my interest in acid and, having experience with it, he volunteered to see if he could find some at school so we could do it together. <br> <br> I didn't know what I really expected out of taking acid. Vaguely I had hopes that it may turn me into an extrovert or help me become sexually successful, but really I was just looking for a way to turn around what I perceived to be a very negative life trajectory that I was on. I felt like I wasn't as happy as everyone else and I wanted to be happy like them. <br> <br> Eventually, my friend Arthur got his hands on two tabs, and we decided we'd take it together one weekend when he was home for spring break. It was late March and the weather was relatively warm and clear, although it was windy. Inevitably I felt a little bit of apprehension, but I was mostly relaxed and I wasn't too troubled by ruminating on the coming trip – I stayed very present minded and just went with it. My only fear was that I would have a bad trip, and even then it was a fear faintly held and I didn't waste any attention on it. <br> <br> At a little before 1:00 PM Arthur and I took our tabs and we decided to walk out to an area of my campus where there's a farm and some trails in the woods that we thought would be a good place to come up. I immediately noticed a metallic taste when I took my dose; I knew LSD was supposed to be tasteless, so I mentioned it to Arthur and he said it wasn't LSD but it was probably NBOMe or something similar. He had taken this specific substance before, he told me, and it was definitely acid. I wasn't concerned. <br> <br> As we walked out to the farm I began to feel hot and I was being extremely talkative. Both of these Arthur attributed to my excitement/apprehension, and he was almost certainly right. When we got to the woods, there was a fallen branch that we had to duck beneath to start on the trail. As I went under it, I touched it with my hand, and for a fleeting second I felt this weird connection with ancient humans. I thought about how people for millions of years had walked through the woods, maybe even these same woods, and had maybe even put their hand on this same tree, in this same place. This was my first indication that something unusual was beginning. It had been probably 35 minutes. <br> <br> When we got into the woods, Arthur took out two joints and we sat down on a dry log. He told me it was a good idea to smoke while we were coming up, especially for me, so that the transition to altered consciousness would be less jarring. Before I had even finished my joint, I noticed how unusual this high was in comparison to times I had smoked before. There was a super-real quality to the world around me, and my thinking felt very abnormal and disordered. It's very difficult to explain; I want to say that it felt like my mind was crowded and cloudy, almost as if lots of little thoughts were passing under the lens of my awareness <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">it felt like my mind was crowded and cloudy, almost as if lots of little thoughts were passing under the lens of my awareness</div></div> – never in their entirety, but in little fragments – discrete segments of bigger thoughts, confusing and strange because their meaning was lost entirely now without their full context. Despite how this description may sound, I was having a very good time at this point and I still was really excited. <br> <br> When we left the woods and started back to campus, it was very apparent now that I was tripping. My vision was really wavy and fairly heavily impaired. I remember we stopped briefly to look out over one of the fields, and it looked like the grass was literally rippling as if it were a liquid surface. I also had the strange sensation that we were inside a giant snow globe type structure, almost like a big biodome. <br> <br> When we were back on campus Arthur and I were walking towards my dorm, talking about what we wanted to do. I suggested we should buy snacks, but when he asked me if I felt I could handle interacting with the employees, I felt an abrupt apprehension. I began to think I probably couldn't handle it at all, and I imagined it going very wrong. At this moment, there was a kid in a grey hoodie with a backpack walking towards us on the sidewalk. His hood was pulled up. As he passed we made eye-contact, and for a moment I had the sensation that we were in a wintery, Eastern European type city; I could imagine as if there were big concrete buildings on either side of the road, and light flurries of snow falling all around in the air, and a sky blotted out with heavy white clouds. We passed each other and the vision faded. <br> <br> This was an extraordinary experience, really beyond my ability to rationalize or make sense of, and I immediately told Arthur I thought we should just go back to my dorm and relax for a while. When we got back to my dorm, the first thing I noticed was how heavily distorted my vision was. My hallway looked like a funhouse, as if it were twisted into a spiral. As best I could, I navigated us to my room and maneuvered inside. <br> <br> We both sat down. I opened up my laptop and Arthur suggested I should play some music. Immediately, I was deeply disillusioned and even perhaps unsettled by the sound of music. It sounded depressingly flat, dull, and lifeless – far worse than I typically felt listening to music on weed, worse even than I felt listening to music sober. I wasn't into the music at all, and I found it hard to even concentrate on. After only a few songs, I stopped playing it. <br> <br> Feeling markedly more anxious now after my musical debacle, I went online and, partly for the tongue-in-cheek 'trippy' factor, I decided to read The Waste Land by TS Eliot. This proved to be a similarly bad decision. I found myself disturbed, depressed, and generally frightened by reading the poem. I had an uncontrollable, unpleasantly intense empathy with the words, and I found myself being emotionally deflated by this surreal, devastated, fractured, dark world being spoken of. I thought about the emptiness of it all, about how these Victorian era people were all fake cardboard cutouts of people, living entirely through rituals they used to keep themselves comfortable while the internal issues they couldn't deal with sucked Europe down into an era of war and a cold cultural vacuum. Very upset, I closed my laptop. <br> <br> Arthur and I decided we should watch some TV. At this point I was beginning to feel a definite claustrophobia. My dorm is not very large, and my roommate and I were not much enamored of interior decorating, so the walls were essentially just blank plaster with conspicuous pipes poking out of the ceiling in some places. It felt industrial in a terrible way. All I wanted now was to relax and laugh a little, so we turned on cartoon network. <br> <br> On cartoon network they were showing Adventure Time. I love this show, but it turned out to be a very poor choice while on acid. The episode we tuned into was one in which this elephant character (can't remember her name) has some apples stolen from her, and the protagonists go looking for them so she can bake an apple pie. Adventure Time is a trippy show, and this is a notably surreal episode. What winds up happening is the elephant lady finds the apples hidden in her own cupboard, and incredibly, she calls the police on herself since she evidently stole her own apples. At the time, this freaked me out, because it was such a strange story and I couldn't tell if it was really happening or if it was some crazy hallucination I was having. I remember I kept asking my friend, 'is this really happening?' 'is this real?' over and over again, and to make matters worse, he largely wasn't responding to me or he would just say 'I don't know'. <br> <br> The episode ended, and another show came on. This was some kind of live-action show that apparently is a mixture of comedic skits and candid-camera type pranks done by a group of photogenic teens. I was already unsettled at this point and my mood did not improve watching this show. It had a kind of 'wacky' vibe, with a lot of fast cuts and kooky effects, that made it stressfully inconsistent and all over the place. I couldn't settle into whatever was going on screen before it would switch again. To me in my altered state, each new narrative or skit they would jump to seemed bizarre and meaningless, like self-contained pieces of disturbing art, unrelated to each other and making no collective sense. I was specifically very frightened by this one prank they featured where I guess they had a bunch of grown-ups gathered together under the auspices of watching a concert, but instead of actual music being performed one of the cast members stood on stage and delivered this kind of weird belching or growling sound. A sizeable number of audience members had apparently asked the network to conceal their identities (lol) so their faces were blurred out; the collective effect of these things was, at the time, incomprehensibly disturbing. I began to also hallucinate (I think?) that there were black bars drawn across the eyes of various audience members, as you might see in redacted photos of crime victims or something like that. Beholding this hallucination was perhaps the most unsettled that I felt during the entire trip. <br> <br> At some point I eventually went back on to my laptop to try and listen to music, thinking that upbeat songs might improve my mood. Unfortunately, music remained 'upsetting' (this is the best word but still not a good one) and to make matters much worse, the album art of the song I was listening to featured a mug shot of Frank Sinatra from when he was apparently arrested as a young man. The association with crime was negative in itself, but I also hallucinated at this time that there was a black bar drawn across his eyes as well, like the people on the TV. This little experience put me close to a state of outright despair, and I had a terrible body anxiety, kind of like a restlessness. <br> <br> Around this time I have trouble putting events in exactly the correct order. I know that at some point, some of my friends who lived on the same floor as me came over to my room to see what we were doing (they knew that I had taken acid earlier in the day). What I can't remember is whether or not Arthur and I had already gone outside and come back in before they stopped by my room. Let me tell the events in the order of most emotional coherency. <br> <br> So after we had watched Cartoon Network for a while, I was miserable and very anxious in every sense, as I have already said. During the period when we were in my dorm room, Arthur had also frequently mentioned his sense of unease to me as well, so we were both feeling similarly. At some point he suggested that we should step outside for some fresh air. I happily agreed and we went downstairs to go sit outside near this cool little gazebo in the middle of my residence area. Almost instantly after we had left my building, my mood began to improve. I especially enjoyed the sun, which was out and shining brightly, and it brought my mood up in a way I can't really describe. <br> <br> We were just sort of sitting there on the bench, not really saying much, straight chilling, and as we did so my mood continued to get better and better. Pretty soon, I was actually feeling better than baseline – I was feeling really great! A big stupid smile took over my face as I just sat there on the bench and let the sun shine on me. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">A big stupid smile took over my face as I just sat there on the bench and let the sun shine on me.</div></div> I began to feel a rush inside of me, exhilarating, like a pent up energy. I don't remember exactly how the thought came into my mind but I remember I started to explain, with great enthusiasm and euphoria alike, to Arthur how the meaning of life is whatever you want it to be. For some reason, this terse kernel of knowledge excited and uplifted me so much. It felt so simple and intuitive, and I couldn't believe that there were people who asked themselves what the meaning of life was and wondered about the point. The point is whatever you want! I thought to myself. It's completely up to you! If you think the point of life is to travel the world then the point is to travel the world and if you think the point of life is to eat as much cheese as possible then that's the point of life, to eat as much cheese as possible (I thought exactly this). It was so beautifully simple. It was perfect, and I know it's true. <br> <br> At some point – not exactly sure where in the chronology of things – we were in my dorm room and my friends came in, like I had said. I'm not sure if this happened only one time or if it happened a few times, I think probably the latter. The highlight of this part of the experience was when I had gotten an inspirational burst of thought, just like the one I had outside of the bench – which makes me think this might have happened after that experience. But regardless, I had this sudden and powerful thought ('insight' is probably the better word) about how the world is made. I conceived of everything as part of a great spectrum, between two extremes, of absolute perfection and absolute imperfection. Absolute perfection, I realized seamlessly and without manual reflection, is God. And absolute imperfection represents the no-essence, having no energy, no character, no qualities, no mass, nothing. And all life, I felt, was engaged in a constant struggle to move toward perfection – everything, all the time, is moving toward a state of perfection. And perfection is so much a part of our 'quest' as humans that it defines what we are all about, and all the things we paint, and build, and write, are attempts to capture perfection that we discover in the world around us. Nobody paints an ugly mountain, I think I might have said literally. They paint beautiful mountains, the ones that speak to us because of their perfect quality. And it just made so much effortless sense to me. <br> <br> I explained all this to my friends, our sober visitors. They did not take me seriously and generally did not engage with my idea. I remember in all of my interactions with them during the trip I always felt this awkward sense of separation from them. They didn't get the things I was trying to talk about and they didn't try to. To them it was a joke. It frustrated me until I let it go and focused myself internally. We did not actually spend much time with them. I remember Arthur specifically did not like having them around very much because they upset his mojo. He is very zen and he likes his tranquility. <br> <br> Another thing that happened at some point is that Arthur and I took a walk. I think after we had come back inside for a while we grew restless again and embarked on another soothing sojourn into the natural world. At first, this walk was extremely stressful. I remember I was very agitated by the traffic going by as we went down the sidewalk. The cars exuded an air of great menace and danger to me. At one point we went across a crosswalk and it was a hellish nightmare of a three-second experience. There was an indescribable amount of body tension and there was this big SUV type car inching through the intersection as we crossed which put me on the highest alert. I was intoxicated by drugs, so I wasn't even sure if I was supposed to cross or not and I was deathly afraid of breaking the rules and thus getting hit. Eventually, we reached this kind of enclosed neighborhood near my building and I calmed down. It was peaceful there and very wooded, with no cars. I don't think anything of note happened on this walk – we went a little ways until we were purged of our anxiety and then we started back. <br> <br> Eventually, my friend Douglas who had just finished moving back onto campus came over to see how we were doing. We sat down with him at a picnic table just outside the room to my building. I remember he told me how large my pupils looked at the time. It was around dinner time so the three of us headed off to the dining hall which was just across the street from my building. <br> <br> One of the big takeaways from the dining hall was that food was very bland. I was reasonably hungry, but every bite that I took of my pizza was just really bad. Again, the word I want to use here is 'disappointing' or 'upsetting'. I think the big thing I need to communicate here is that substantially the reason why it was a bad experience was because I felt let down, like it failed my expectations. I had had pizza before and loved it – I love pizza! This time the pizza was bland and chewing was a huge chore. It upset me that the pizza was not tasting and feeling good like I had always known it to do. <br> <br> Also in the dining hall I experience some not-insignificant paranoia. There was a person sitting at a table on the other side of the room and a few rows back from where I was, who I thought was watching me. I was afraid that he was going to beat me up. There was no reason at all for thinking this, except that he was a little intimidating physically, but I kept thinking that we were making eye-contact and that he was staring at me angrily. Nothing ever came of this and we left the dining hall after I gave up on finishing my food. <br> <br> After eating, we went back to Douglas' dorm which was on the other side of the campus. We spent a little while there playing Mario Kart and listening to music. Music remained dull, although at this point I was definitely coming down. After chilling a while Douglas decided to smoke a bowl so the three of us all headed out to the woods, where we had originally gone after dosing, so he could smoke. <br> <br> On the way there it was growing dark. In this period I experienced some of my last 'trippy' thoughts, prominently including the sensation that eventually 'everything will happen' because of the infinite nature of time. Arthur countered that an infinite system doesn't work in this manner. I argued that because the universe continually contracts, reinvents itself, expands, and then contracts and regenerates again, surely after a certain point enough unique universes will have generated for every conceivable possibility to have manifested itself in reality. I think my point was dismissed as naïve. <br> <br> In the woods, Douglas smoked, Arthur was chatting with him, and I sort of went off a little bit (not very far) into the woods to think. I was really enjoying looking at trees and running my hand along the bark. Suddenly I had my last great burst of thought. I had a vivid and exciting vision of the Ancient Mediterranean and hoplites and sun-bleached walls of stone, and for whatever reason I burst out saying that Hannibal (the Carthaginian statesman) did not really lose to the Romans after all, because we still remember him and everything he did to this day. My point was received with the polite appreciation of true stoners. <br> <br> It was dark when we got back to Douglas' room. At this point I was no longer feeling any of the effects of the drug from before. Instead I began to feel some after-effects, most notably including an excruciating vasoconstriction in my legs which is probably one of the most uncomfortable things I have ever felt in my life. I was also feeling very 'out of it' and disconnected from everyone else. When I got back to my dorm, my roommate was there with some of the people from my building. They talked while I stayed mostly silent. I felt so different from them, so much not a part of what they were doing and talking about and their activities. It was profound. That night, it took me a long time to fall asleep. <br> <br> When I woke up in the morning I felt a little groggy, not dissimilar to the feeling I get after using marijuana the night before. During the day I experienced no major side effects. <br> <br> <!--In a separate account, I will tell of the long-term impact this experience had on me-->This experience had a long-term impact on me, specifically with respect to my use of marijuana. Speaking only of this substance in itself, I found it to be a very clean and cerebral trip. There were some visuals early on but they were not the prominent part of the experience. The effects of this drug, for me, basically manifested as flashes of thought or 'insight' that came into my head without effort.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2013</td><td width="90">ExpID: 106589</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 5, 2016</td><td>Views: 8,809</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=106589&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=106589&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Nature / Outdoors (23), First Times (2), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">15 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance">Pharms - Escitalopram</td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> So far I have tripped a few times in the last year, once before I was on medication and then again after. <br> <br> Both times I took 1 tab around 10 am. My first trip was very intense, I was out camping and had an incredible experience being in nature. At the time my anxiety and depression was in a pretty good state so I felt safe to trip even with my mental health conditions. I had quite a few good days and there was nothing heavy weighing on my mind. The entire trip was positive. I didn’t want to sit back and do too much thinking, that was one specific goal I had discussed with my boyfriend just to be safe, but the day was full of exciting activities so I never got stuck in my own head. It certainly helped to be with my boyfriend for the day. He knows my conditions very well and knows what to do if I ever need help (even while tripping). This made me feel incredibly safe so if things started to go south I wouldn’t be lost in my mind. <br> <br> My second trip was a few weeks ago. I’ve been on Lexapro for about 6 months now and my current dose is 15 mg taken at night. Again, I took one tab and embarked on a fantastic adventure. I did notice my trip was less intense. The first time I felt like I was on another planet and the second time I was much more aware of my surroundings. I did notice my visuals were less by a lot, but I definitely felt the feeling of being on a trip. It felt more emotional than visual. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I did notice my visuals were less by a lot, but I definitely felt the feeling of being on a trip. It felt more emotional than visual.</div></div> I was able to do a little more thinking this time and got to look at my depression from another angle. However, I felt very safe to do this and I conversed with my boyfriend about it beforehand to make sure we were on the same page and he could keep an eye out. <br> <br> I did not notice any after effects of the acid on my depression/anxiety on my first trip. However after the second one, it relieved my symptoms for about 2 days and then I had a bout of depression for about a week that was stronger than usual.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 109504</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 23</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 18, 2016</td><td>Views: 6,773</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=109504&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=109504&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Pharms - Escitalopram (304) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Depression (15), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Beer/Wine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">70 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Setting: New England- Australia. <br> <br> Mindset: Apprehensive but open minded, had previous high dose LSD experiences twice in the month prior to trip that had been very thought provoking and strange. <br> <br> It was Christmas Eve and my partner and I had decided to spend it away from our families and closer to nature. We had travelled out of town to our favourite spot. It was a hot summer day but you could feel in the air that in the afternoon we would have a thunder storm. The area we were in was beautiful it was mostly open pastures nestled between the mountains there were very few people around. Creeks, rivers and brooks weaved the valley floor and we spent most of the morning exploring Indigenous sites in the surrounding valley. <br> <br> We had lunch at the local pub and a few beers before dropping the acid in the early afternoon. These were by far the strongest tabs I have ever had and I cannot even guess what the dose was. But one tab was enough to catapult me toward another reality. Prior to tripping I had some reservations about the coming weather. The clouds were looming large and thunder was echoing in the distance. However, common sense was outweighed by a desire to dive deeper into hyperspace. Previous experiences with this batch of tabs had yielded vivid, Aztec like sacred geometries that I have since experienced simply using Cannabis. (Maybe some HPPD? Either way it's quite pleasant) <br> <br> As we dosed up and rolled out the picnic blanket we sat watching some cattle graze in an adjacent field. I checked my phone and sure enough the icons begun to morph and dance on the screen 'This is it' I thought. As the trip really started to accelerate I had a feeling that I was heading into an alien unknown. It was at this point the storm begun. A light rain fell and for the most part it was pleasant but as the acid kept increasing in intensity the rain become more of a menace. Eventually the rain picked up and we (having no shelter besides a small tent) decided to sit in the car and wait it out. Hardly an ideal place to trip. We sat in the car and watched the cattle unfazed by the storm. I had hoped that the storm would pass and we would be able to sit outside as the damp air and hot weather had made the car somewhat of a sauna. However, the rain increased in intensity. I sat there thinking 'here they come' feeling as though a presence was breaking through reality to try and make contact. My visuals were at first closed eyed only, small black squares had started to appear and spin rapidly forming complex geometric patterns. They seemed to invite me to follow them and I refused, instead focusing on other things and steer the CEVs. Failing to shake the black squares I opened my eyes and stared at the rain falling on the windshield. The rain slowly became overtaken by the 'pattern' a common experience we had both had staring at our bathroom wall whilst tripping. <br> <br> The Pattern: A cobweb like image that becomes apparent particularly on textured surfaces on moderate LSD doses. It appears to spread centrally from the visual field in a t like configuration. Prolonged focusing on the pattern tends to increase it's intensity and slowly it spreads to fill the visual field entirely and interact with the surrounding environment. The pattern for me is associated with information being transferred. <br> <br> So at this point I was seeing 'The Pattern' then those little black squares became apparent in the raindrops and they began to align along the vertices of The Pattern. <br> <br> At this point my partner was enjoying watching the cows whilst I was fighting back a complete breakdown of my reality. I knew the experience was becoming too intense for me to resist so I just decided to go with it. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I just decided to go with it.</div></div> After a while I felt the intensity drop slightly and I became more comfortable with the head space I was in. The Pattern persisted but the 'pulling' sensation from the squares had stopped. In fact, they seemed to have retreated. By now the body high was intense, I felt hot, thirsty and my whole body felt like it was glowing. As we had been tripping for about an hour or two now we had decided to smoke a J at what we estimated was the peak of the experience. Previous experiments with Js and Acid have resulted in an electrified feeling with synaesthesia, colour splitting and increased 3D open eyed visuals. We were keen to replicate these effects and observe them in further detail. <br> <br> The rain was still pouring but the car was becoming uncomfortable so we suited up in the most 'rain proof' clothing we had. None of which bar one rain coat was actually weather proof. However, we had hit our tripping stride and took it all as part of the fun. We set out with J in hand to smoke by the river and enjoy the light show. Basically, from here on out the rain just continued to increase in intensity. <br> <br> Once we had found a nice tree to stand under we lit our little dude up and happily blazed it whilst staring into the bushland. This is where it got weird. I started to see the Pattern again so I asked my partner what they were seeing. They described to me that they were seeing the bathroom wall pattern spreading out over everything. I told them I saw the same thing. Then in the centre of the pattern an Icosahedron/hexagon like shape begun to emerge it was spinning and covered in 'Aztec' patterns I described it to them and they reported seeing it too. Fascinated by the shared visual experience we kept discussing the pattern and the shape we were seeing. At this point I felt as though we had entered some kind of 'Goosebumps' Episode. Two kids, sneaking out, smoking weed, seeing an alien object. This thought really stuck in my mind and basically consumed my reality from here on out. <br> <br> As we observed the visual phenomena I noticed that the shape had begun replicating and it now formed a grid (if you search on Icosahedron grid you'll see some similar depictions of what we saw). My partner also reported seeing this grid emerge - we kept relaying to each-other our experiences and what we were observing. The grid appeared to expand infinitely in all directions through the earth and up into the sky. We stood on sections of the grid as we saw it and continued to confirm what we were each observing. As we continued to examine the visual phenomena we were experiencing we both saw a black square emerge from the centre of a section of the grid. I asked my partner what they made of it and they said it was ‘everything, all religion, all life, all beliefs, all things’ I confirmed that was the same impression I was getting. Spooky. <br> <br> At this point I had a flash where I could see a torus with lights ascending and descending it, it was a representation of the cycle of life and death and the infinite nature of existence and consciousness. As the flash passed the black square became much larger and formed a tunnel at this point we decided to move on because we were both getting really tripped out and felt like we were being beckoned by the grid. We also realised that we were soaked from the rain and should probably find shelter. As we turned to walk back along the road to the camp site I observed the grid in the sky but in the sky between two mountains there was a large Icosahedron it stood out of the grid and took on significance of its own in my mind. On this return walk things became more and more intense. The pooling water on the ground was glowing green, blue and magenta. It appeared that these three colours were being projected off everything around us and were streaming into our bodies. The colours were made up of small packets of hollow squares that spun in response to external sounds. <br> <br> It was at this point I felt that we were being followed by ‘something’. I had an unshakeable feeling that there was an object floating above us – like that green spinning gem from The Sims or something and it was trying to communicate. We headed back to the camp site and took shelter under a pagoda. I was now in full trip mode teetering on the edge of reality. We stood holding each other trying to look as straight as possible. We both felt as though we were ascending that we were about to take off and go somewhere else. By now I had completely bought into my Alien abduction narrative. Piecing together the puzzle that we had found ourselves in. We had gone camping in bad weather conditions, ill prepared, dressed in appropriately and had taken psychedelics I thought to myself “maybe this is it, this is how you exit our reality- this is what happens to those couples that report being abducted” this idea less than impressed my partner and I had completely shit on their trip and spun them into a negative space. As for me I was convinced that we were about to be abducted. Behind my head I could feel them, it felt as though sharp surgical instruments were probing my mind, crunching grinding sounds filled my skull. I could smell DMT, I felt bubbles travelling up my spine and through the back of my neck, <br> <br> I closed my eyes and the tunnel that I had seen smoking DMT appeared, peering through was an odd face. The rising tones and high pitched ringing set in and I felt that same beckoning feeling again. I resisted. I didn’t want to go (even though I really did). I knew that if I went with it I would collapse, I was already freezing cold and soaking wet. There were other campers around and I’d draw to much attention if I just collapsed. Besides the only explanation I’d be able to offer for my present condition would be Aliens and that would surely end with a trip to the emergency department. My partner was now quite concerned and suggested we move elsewhere. We returned to our tent to lie down but found it flooded. To me this was another synchronistic sensation- they wanted us to go with them- my partner despite how scared they later told me they were handled this all really well. We ended up back in the car- in our underwear, drying ourselves out and trying to survive. In the car continued to have incredible visions of the grid, of eternity of life, death and rebirth. Eventually, after nearly 8 hours of insanity I felt able to sleep- so when the rain stopped we went back to the tent and begun the long spiral back to earth. <br> <br> Some of the other sensations experienced through this trip involved complete disassociation with reality, lost time, a very real sense that reality was a projection of the mind, that my partner and I were somehow one and that we shared a reality and a destiny, that everything was an illusion, that we could ascend to become part of the grid, consciousness is eternal and somehow linked to the grid. <br> <br> Long strange trip.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 110183</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 25</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 29, 2017</td><td>Views: 12,329</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=110183&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=110183&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Nature / Outdoors (23), Entities / Beings (37), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 4:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">200 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 8:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">200 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">200 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Introduction: <br> It was early May during a visit to New Orleans for a close friend’s bachelor party that coincided with JazzFest. I had previous experience with MDMA, shrooms, and hippyflipping, but had never met up with Lucy beforehand. My close friends were a mix of experienced LSD users and debutants like myself, so the groom and I coordinated with a college friend of mine that could acquire a fair amount. I’m generally an optimistic person with an openminded worldview that rides the line between extrovert/introvert, and I can often be a little too rational/logic focused in how I see the world (dorky engineer). <br> <br> I flew in the day prior to the bachelor party guys and in the safety and comfort of my friend’s house, who provided everything, had my first LSD experience. Through uncertainty about the early onset effects, we re-dosed twice throughout the night (+1.5h and +4h) and I ended up having the most abstract philosophical conversations with her about life and self. Ultimately I lost complete touch with where, why, how, and caught myself in magical loops of fragmented sensations of time and space. It was the most intense experience I’ve ever had, in an interestingly beautiful way. Fast forward 15 hours and the effects had finally waned down. <br> <br> The Main Show: <br> The real intriguing experience came the second day of the weekend with the bachelor party guys. After describing my experiences to them I felt confident that if I could handle a pretty moderate dose for a novice in a private setting that a low dose in public would be more than manageable, and the thought of candy flipping entered my mind—since we managed to obtain a couple grams of really nice crystalline MDMA along with a 10 strip for the weekend. The blotter strip was not perforated, so each of us tore a roughly square-ish size strip to have on hand to go to Jazzfest. I first dosed mine—actual dose is unknown (but the experienced guys later say it was really strong stuff)—at 245pm during a beautiful sunny afternoon and some funky brass band lighting up the crowd. <br> <br> As a dorky engineer, I’ve developed a habit of using my phone’s stopwatch to keep track of my drug experiences after consuming anything. I easily get lost in the moment and with MDMA, shrooms, or even a lot of pot, will experience various amounts of time dilation. My stopwatch is the foundation to keep me grounded to the reality of the experience if need be; a reminder that it is in fact a temporal experience if it becomes uncomfortable. <br> <br> At +45min I started to feel a slight body high coming on. It began to feel like I was floating within my body. Shortly after the first band stops playing and we walked to another tent to see some blues. I dosed about a half hour after everybody else, so the group was coming up together in staggered stages. We sat down in rows of seats in the blues tent and quickly my buddy and I decided that we’re already too high and loving the music to be stagnant and sitting down. At +1h15min (ish?) three of us split from the group and head to another stage to see some bluegrass. I began to feel a little anxious about how floaty I was feeling. My body was functioning fine, I could walk just fine, but I had minimal grasp upon what my body was in terms of space anymore and it felt somewhat numb. I could see my extremities and had heightened tactile sensation but I was only really aware of that touch when I was focused on touching something. <br> <br> When 430pm rolled around we decided that we should get a spot at at the main stage to see Stevie Wonder. I bought a drink on the way and spent several minutes trying to focus on counting my money before walking up to the counter. The entire world had the same idea, and the three of us mistakenly believed that we could see holes in the crowd that would allow us to move to the opposite side of the stage. I have no idea how long it took us to move to where we did, but we were immediately engulfed in a sea of strangers and energy that became entirely intolerable. I was floating through the world and felt immense anxiety and claustrophobia. Voices from people around me no longer were comprehensible and I had to focus immensely upon the stage to prevent a panic attack from building up. <br> <br> We finally all looked at each other with a common understanding of the situation and decided to escape. I don’t think I would have been able to connect my feelings with the physical process of crying from how anxious I was, but it was one of the strongest desires to withdraw that I’ve ever had. My mind felt connected to the present moment in fragments and abstraction <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">My mind felt connected to the present moment in fragments and abstraction</div></div> but was lost from perceptions of past and future. In hindsight I know it became a loop of feeling frightened from the tight crowds (literally we were squished against people on all sides), reminding myself that I was on drugs and it wasn’t forever, deciding that I was okay and would be out of there soon, completely forgetting my previous thoughts, and repeating the process. The fucking Stevie Wonder Incident nearly led to a complete breakdown around thousands of people. <br> <br> After an eternity (530pm, +3h) we managed our way out and I felt an immediate sigh of relief. The visuals had been going strong for a while but were limited to heightened colors, pattern shifting, and some shapes breathing. Somehow the rest of our group ran into us in an effort to get into the crowd just as we escaped. We walked to the next stage to see Snoop Dogg, which was much less crowded and a lot more relaxed. Everything was improving but it took me a while to recover from the anxiety beforehand and move onward with the trip. My hearing was distorted and the voices of strangers were difficult to really comprehend. It was like my energy was in tune with our group, the music, and natural world sounds, but was filtering out others. Quickly we determined that the sound quality was poor at this stage and we ventured onward to see Meghan Trainor, which despite being all about that bass, ended up being the most beautiful part of the day. The crowd had amazing energy that we all tuned into really quickly and we began to dance through the late afternoon sunshine. <br> <br> When my stopwatch read +4h I took 200mg MDMA. After 30min the festival was over and we decided to walk from the fairgrounds to the French Quarter to see our next show (Greensky Bluegrass) at the House of Blues. I feel kind of aloof to the world walking through the streets. There are immense colors on all of the houses and vast disparities between dilapidated shacks and stately mansions along the way. Someone suggests food, which sounded completely repulsive, despite only eating breakfast so far. All of a sudden (+4h45min?) the pulsating world around me became a vibration of color and light as the MDMA began to take effect. I am not only looking at brilliant murals with street music all around me, but the world is an impressionist painting. All around me I see vibrant pastel colors that flow with dancing lines, blurred transitions, and breathe in the vibrations of the world. <br> <br> I, am, impressionism. <br> <br> Life is fully saturated. How can this be? My mind becomes clear as the MDMA overrides the fog of confusion from the acid and coincides with complete euphoric levitation. I transcend. My abstract oneness with the world undergoes a metamorphosis. To what I’m not sure. Still my awareness of self and space is warped and abstract, but instead of slight anxiety toward losing my body I feel like I fly through space and adapt my body to the energy and feelings of objects and colors around me. Our walk must have been several miles as it became dark. Street lights highlight the beauty and surreal nature of the world around me. I am still entrenched in the fleeting focus and abstract experience of Lucy but with a filter of clarity and outward confidence that jettisons me into conversation with everybody whose energy I am drawn toward. Our adventures end up in small alleyways with brilliantly lit art stalls that are overflowing with life, beauty, and textures that speak to me. <br> <br> When we reach the House of Blues we have a couple drinks and I fumble my way through the entrance in slight confusion about how I get in. I am overconfident in my logical abilities. The opening act, a solo guitar player, moves my ears through the universe as the world reverberates in pulsations. I don’t know if it was synesthesia per se, but the sound manifested itself in visual vibrations from the building and people. At +8h I decide to re-up the MDMA and have another 200mg. I don’t feel any transition between the molly doses and the next several hours are spent dancing in tune with the world around me. This is easily the most MDMA I have ever had in one day, but it never feels like I’m rolling too hard and out of it like one might see at a lot of festivals. It’s a gentle crescendo of blissful existence that at +10h begins to come down from the psychedelic visuals gradually. My spatial awareness became more focused but remained slightly fragmented, in a strange sense that left me feeling exposed to the world but not vulnerable. At +12h the acid trip has waned and left me at the same time that the show ends. <br> <br> Conclusions: <br> We wandered out into the streets of New Orleans and with a subtle roll from the MDMA feel like the day's experiences and journey was a complete catharsis. From the anxiety and introspective abstraction of Stevie Wonder to living in the world of Renoir I am left with a profound sense of beauty and bliss for the world and mankind. <br> <br> I feel comfortable navigating my way through my initial LSD experiences and know that in the future I can consciously navigate my way through the world to prevent/turn around a bad trip segment. My first candy flipping experience had no big come down (aside from sleep deprivation over the whole weekend, and I generally don’t have bad come downs from MDMA either). The solo heavy LSD night, a night of MDMA, and a day/night of LSD/Molly from the bachelor party have left me with a heightened sense of empathy and compassion toward others several days out. Overall it was a beautiful experience that I am curious to explore in a coordinated situation again in the future.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2017</td><td width="90">ExpID: 110444</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 28</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jun 6, 2017</td><td>Views: 5,529</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=110444&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=110444&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">MDMA (3), LSD (2) : Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53), Music Discussion (22), Combinations (3)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">.5 bowls</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 11:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> The end of Summer has always been a tough time for me, but this year especially so. My girlfriend had moved away, I was falling behind at work, smoking weed every day, and I wasn’t applying myself in any aspect of my life. I was slowly becoming completely numb to emotions. I’d stop talking to people, including my friends and family, stay up all night, and put off indefinitely any plans to help myself get back on my career track. I couldn’t focus on anything, and my bad habits were getting worse. It came as a huge surprise when I got a text from a good friend M saying she’d acquired some LSD for her birthday and wanted to take it the following weekend. <br> <br> I’d always bought into rumors about LSD; that it would make me think I could fly or that I’d crack my back years down the road and suddenly be tripping again. I thought of it as an unsafe substance, and was very hesitant to reply to M’s invite. I’d been smoking marijuana for the better part of 5 years at that point, but the only other illegal substance I’d ever taken was about a gram of magic mushrooms a few years previously, which hadn’t been so much of a “trip” as a “pleasant, long lasting buzz”. Still, I was intrigued, and spent a good amount of time researching the effects of LSD and the potential dangers of its use. I was amazed to find how benign it seemed, and every positive trip log I read bolstered my confidence. I decided that it was worth a try, if only for the psychotherapeutic nature of the drug, and that it might be a fun weekend activity. <br> <br> It was a cloudy October morning when M and I decided to embark on our journey to Wonderland. She’d gone through each room of her house and written notes such as “Think happy thoughts!” and “Bon Voyage!” and on the second floor she’d set up a “trip room” complete with a plasma orb, candles, and a surround sound system. We drove to a local diner and had a big breakfast over discussions about what we wanted out of our trip. We decided we would use it for self exploration and meditation, and that we were determined to bring something back from the experience and not just get fucked up. When we got back to her place she performed a banishing ritual to cleanse the room of negative energy, and we each put a single tab on our tongues (we had been warned it was high potency). <br> <br> I was quite excited, as I never thought acid was something I’d try, and I really wasn’t sure what to expect. After about half an hour, we weren’t feeling anything, so we shared a bowl of marijuana and put on a standup special featuring comedian Bill Hicks (incredibly relevant). At about T+1.5 hours, we still weren’t feeling anything unusual, so we split another tab and began drawing pictures with colored pencils and markers. It wasn’t long after this that we realized we couldn’t stop smiling. I wrote out the word “ENJOY” and my drawing was getting quite colorful and abstract. M was reciting beautiful quotes by Terence McKenna and drew an image of the winged serpent Hadit around which she jotted down passages from Thelema’s Book of the Law. I’d never had so much fun coloring before, and I was overcome with feelings of joy and well being. <br> <br> I put on a pair of amber-tinted sunglasses, and noticed that the colors of the room were growing extremely vivid. We saw the walls meeting at strange angles and pictures on the walls all looked skewed and trapezoidal. We looked down at our hands and our flesh seemed to be pulsating and transparent. I felt I could actually see the dark streams of blood flowing through my veins, and my skin was ultra high-definition. I can only imagine what Albert Hoffman (the first scientist to synthesize and accidentally ingest Lysergic acid diethylamide) must have thought of this! We put down the coloring supplies for a minute and went upstairs, because M wanted to change her shirt. I was very happy with my comfortable clothing while on acid. Loose fitting pants, no shoes, and a soft shirt all enhanced the experience. <br> <br> It was about 3 hours since we’d taken the initial dose, and we could tell we were starting to peak. We left M’s room and headed for the “trip room”, but collapsed with laughter in the hallway and just stared at the walls and ceiling for what seemed like an eternity. The irony that we were lying in a hallway just feet from the “trip room” hadn’t escaped us, but we couldn’t have cared less. We were literally crying with laughter over the simplest things, and I was overcome with a euphoria I’ve never felt from taking a substance, many times more powerful than the low dose of shrooms. We eventually perched ourselves halfway down the staircase, and began a profound discussion about how all matter on earth had once been released from a massive supernova, and that everything we’d ever seen was made of stardust. Though I felt I’d always understood this concept, my altered state of consciousness made it much easier to comprehend, and I couldn’t help feeling a deep oneness with all the world and its inhabitants. I wondered if each star in the Universe held an incredible hyper-conscience and that when they explode, each individual particle retains some of that knowledge and expression, only to coagulate elsewhere as life. <br> <br> By this time the weather had cleared up and the sun was shining, so we went outside to sit on M’s back deck. I cannot express enough how wondrous and exciting nature seems on LSD. A gentle wind through the grass or trees will make them seem as though they’re breathing, and even something as simple as an insect landing on my arm was fascinating. In light of our previous conversation, I was reminded of my favorite Douglas Adams quote, “Consciousness is the Universe’s way of appreciating itself,” and this rang truer than ever in my mind. We were about 4 hours into our trip now and the sun was beginning to set, creating glorious golden outlines on the few wisps of clouds floating overhead. They would undulate and change direction like someone was painting them in real time, and both M and I were deeply moved by the atmosphere’s shining splendor. <br> <br> Our discussion moved to the nature of energy, and how every living thing on the surface of this enormous churning engine we call Mother Earth is fueled by energy from the Sun. We were reminded of a quote from the Bill Hicks special we’d watched earlier, “Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is really energy condensed to a slow vibration; that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream and we’re just imaginations of ourselves.” Every word of this quote made utter and complete sense to me at this point, and it was as though I could see the energy permeating everything around me. Everything from M’s old dog to the neighbors’ backyard barbecue to the squirrels and the trees they lived in seemed like fountains of energy erupting from the surface of the dense mass that is our world. A warm and exceedingly friendly glow enveloped everything and everyone. This was the highlight of my trip, and I remember it vividly. <br> <br> At T+5 hours we came back inside, smoked some more cannabis, and continued our drawings. We put on music by The Books and other upbeat, happy songs from M’s collection. We each felt like we were 5 years old again, drawing abstract shapes and colorful patterns and letting the pencil flow across the paper wherever it wanted. I was amazed at how easily I could manifest the images in my head, and how seemingly random lines would form new elements to the drawing. I began to draw a mountain and realized it looked more like the outline of a sleeping panther. When M saw this she laughed out loud, and continued drawing brilliant patterns that filled page after page. We made hot chocolate and decided to have a period of quiet self reflection before finding a new activity. This may have been a mistake, as we didn’t have much to distract ourselves from our own thoughts. <br> <br> We put on the album 'Lateralus' by Tool (one of my personal favorites), and upon hearing the title track our conversation turned to the nature of spirals and fractals. How so many things in nature from waves to snowflakes and even plant life form according to the golden ratio, and how the more you zoom in microscopically or zoom out macroscopically, you’ll discover repeating shapes and patterns, each piece resembling the whole. In fact, even in my picture spirals began to appear all over the place, whether I meant to draw them or not, and I could tell our set and setting was having a strong influence on my thoughts. <br> <br> At one point, probably around T+6 hours, M disappeared into the bathroom for a very long time. When she finally came out her entire demeanor had changed. Her eyes were darkened and she looked like she’d been through hell. I asked her what was wrong, and all she could say was “the mirror, man, don’t look into the mirror unless you really have to. I’m serious.” Of course, I had to see what was so special about the mirror, and I was not prepared for what I saw. My face looked aged and pockmarked, I couldn’t find an angle in which I looked like my mental image of myself. It was like looking into the eyes of a stranger who bears only a fleeting resemblance to how I’d always seen me. Furthermore I was completely two-faced. One side of my face seemed to smirk involuntarily, giving my countenance disturbingly asymmetrical features. I was profoundly disturbed by this, and when I emerged from the bathroom M confirmed that she’d witnessed the same thing. We tried to ignore this and continue our drawings but the song “Ticks and Leeches” (the darkest, heaviest song on the album) came on. We’d each heard the song a million times and were mesmerized by drummer Danny Carey’s polyrhythmic assault that intros the song, but at this time the sun had almost fully set and the room was quite dark. The whole atmosphere seemed bleak and evil. <br> <br> We turned the lights up a bit though not all the way, and though we stopped the song midway through we couldn’t find a new song fast enough. At this point we realized the trip was about to take a turn for the worse. I became silent and introspective as I sat on the floor contemplating mortality, while M wandered into the kitchen where I would later learn she became inundated with every tragic and terrible experience she’d ever had in that house. I suddenly found myself unable to communicate even my most simple thoughts. This inability to form sentences frustrated me greatly, and as my thoughts began to race I realized I was trying to tell M that I’d discovered the reason for living, but that it was impossible to describe. I was so close though, and I tried to draw the mental image I had of this grand puzzle that I’d just solved, but I was stopped at every turn by circular logic, and though I was pouring emotions out onto the page I could only get out one word at a time or scrawl a few random circles. Soon I realized that I must sound and look completely insane, so I laughed and crumpled up the page, which made me feel even more insane. I tried to collect my thoughts and repeat out loud the infinite loop that was swirling around in my head, but all that came out were bits and pieces of coherent language with no link in between. I tried again, and realized to my horror that I was saying exactly the same words as before, still devoid of meaning to an audience. M seemed to understand what I was getting at, and this only encouraged me to try again, but again I unintentionally repeated the same disjointed phrases. I was overcome with frustration at this point, and decided that if I burned this crumpled page of notes, it might end my muddled thought process. I grabbed the page and a lighter and went into the kitchen, burning it over the sink and blowing the smoke out the open window. It didn’t help… <br> <br> Every minute became a day from the Bill Murray film “Groundhog’s Day.” The same thought process would repeat in my head, I would say the same confounding bits of dialogue about how I had realized the meaning of life but could not express it in words, and each time I would utter the word “recursion” the entire process would repeat. However, unlike in that movie, the time between recursions was getting shorter and shorter, and I felt that I was spiraling down into my own head. It was T+6.5 hours now and we were up in the “trip room” with all the lights out, just losing our grip on reality. I tried to write again, but the only word I could write was “Madness” as I realized I must really be going nuts. All of my thoughts were now stuck in an infinite loop that was tightening with each revolution. I began to recall a forum post about some guy who knew someone who tripped so bad he never came down. This thought was trying to overcome all others, insisting that my life was over. I was somehow able to maintain control of my actions despite the chaos going on in my head, and I gestured to M to put on a happy song or cartoon to distract us. She put on “The Angry Beavers,” the theme song of which is so wacky that I laughed out loud at how perfectly it fit with the insanity in my head. I could not have picked a better soundtrack to my own mental demise, and I just lay there on the floor laughing as I experienced complete ego death. <br> <br> I was no longer myself or anyone I knew. I had completely frozen in time, and all I could think of was that I had become nothing more than a malfunctioning collection of biochemical processes incapable of self-identity. In other words, the lights were on but no one was home. M called her experienced friend, L from whom she’d acquired the acid, and he did his best to comfort us. He agreed with every ridiculous phrase I managed to mutter to myself, and kept reassuring us that he knew what we were going through. This reassurance did nothing more than convince me that acid was some big joke being played on humanity. As if my life to this point had all been a divine test and I’d failed by putting a tiny piece of paper in my mouth. I was completely solipsistic by now, nothing existed outside the turmoil I was experiencing. I was entirely convinced that I could just as likely be babbling to myself in a straight jacket as sitting upstairs in my friend M’s house tripping balls on LSD. <br> <br> I sent wild texts to another friend of mine, begging him to reassure me that time was still passing and that it would all be over soon. His immediate reassurance that I would come down and his attempts to distract me with humor, coupled with the helpful advice of the sober L’s disembodied voice over M’s speakerphone finally put the spark back in my eyes. Eventually, each new recursion brought small waves of understanding and reassurance that I was still in control, and I slowly built back up my sense of self, brick by brick. L explained to us that acid has the tendency to take any emotion you’re experiencing and turn it up to 11. I tried my best to ignore the ideas that had gotten me into this mess in the first place, I took deep breathes and assured myself that everything was going to get better and that I’d be ok. We went back downstairs, turned on all the lights, and I explained to M what had happened over and over again, each time able to recount a bit more of my thought process and subsequently feeling that much better. We took turns recalling our bad trips and what we each suspected to be potential catalysts. We decided it was a combination of the darkness, the angry music, and the gravity with which M had described her initial mirror experience. As if I knew what I was doing I walked back to the bathroom mirror to have another look and try to reverse the process that had all started just an hour before. As I approached I saw myself from a third person perspective and it felt as though I were walking backward through knee-deep water. This time I smiled from ear to ear in the mirror and was relieved to see my old humble reflection. I urged M to do the same. <br> <br> After about 15 minutes or so, we thanked our respective trip sitters, and gave each other a huge hug having just survived the dark depths of our minds. We noticed that our drawings had gotten jagged and malevolent just before this heinous mood shift, and all the black colored pencils were worn down to nubs. I was still irked by the sense that time wasn’t passing, and that my thoughts would continue to spiral around and repeat themselves forever, but turning on the TV really brought me back to reality. Something as mundane and familiar as car insurance commercials were now revealing to me that we were still in the same world and that time was still passing as it should. I suddenly remembered why I love TV in the first place, it’s an excellent distraction from reality. I was now content again to finish my drawing, which at this point had become an epic chronicle of my entire trip. <br> <br> We smoked some more weed, watched movies, and listened to some more light music until 3 in the morning before deciding to turn in. It had been nearly a 12 hour trip in total, and we were both mentally and physically spent. I felt as though my brain had just run a marathon, and my legs were getting numb. I slept like a rock. The next morning before going out to lunch (we hadn’t eaten since breakfast the morning before save some popcorn) we looked at the artwork from our trip. My word “ENJOY” had become “ENJOY THE RIDE,” which I think perfectly describes the mindset one should be in to get the most out of their acid trip. Do not try to control or suppress the drug, or it will break loose and run wild through your mind. Do not underestimate the drug, as it will show you just what it’s capable of. Simply let it take you where it takes you and try to stay positive, stay in the company of friends, light, and mellow music, and don’t focus on having a bad trip or else you may bring one upon yourself. If you do have a bad trip, change your environment, take deep breathes, and try to find a way to anchor yourself to the real world be it through a distraction such as a movie or TV show, or through a friend who can talk you out of your own circular logic cycles. Start a timer if you have one on hand or on your phone to assure yourself that time is passing linearly. <br> <br> Overall it was a remarkable journey through my brain. I would equate my experience to visiting Six Flags and riding all the rollercoasters. They all have their ups and downs and they’re each intense and exhilarating, but even though the last one makes you throw up your lunch you can still look back on your day and realize it was worth it. <br> <br> It is interesting to note that the drug seems to have done wonders for my psyche. T+3 days and I no longer feel depressed or hopeless, I’ve gotten more work done per day than I previously had in a week, and I don’t crave marijuana the way I used to. I’m able to focus and speak my mind, and other than a little cognitive weariness the following day, I experienced not a single ill effect from the trip. LSD is indeed an incredible and powerful drug, and I will surely be using it again. However, for me it seems to have the tendency to “pull back the curtain” and shove reality in my face whether I wanted it or not, and any problems I may have suppressed were right there waiting for me. For now though, I have no regrets and a newfound respect for what I consider both potent medicine and a damn good time.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 93133</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 24</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 8, 2017</td><td>Views: 7,529</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=93133&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=93133&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Hangover / Days After (46), Nature / Outdoors (23), Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">400 ug</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">25 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/4_acetoxy_dmt/">4-AcO-DMT</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">200 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 3:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 4:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">225 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I first took the 400ug of LSD at precisely 10:30am on a beautiful, clear, and sunny Saturday morning. While the tabs were settling in nicely under my tongue, I got out my 4-aco-dmt from the freezer and proceeded to measure out about 25 mg, or as close as I could get to it within reason. I turned on The Empire of the Sun's new album, and proceed to get out a already weighed out 200mg dose of MDMA. I proceeded to mix the 4-aco-dmt with the finely crushed crystals, and set them both in a little pouch on my counter top. <br> <br> As I came up on the acid, I laid around on my couch listening to the music, and I decided it would be fun to go skateboard some hills around my apartment complex (I had done this before only on LSD and it was absolutely amazing). I put on both Empire of the Sun albums on my iPod, and headed out the door. The hills around me are very long, and mellow, and you can skate around for about 2 minutes before having to push at all. I proceeded to skate all over the place, and at certain times its like my eyes would be opening wider, and a new shimmering, melting, or waving would start to take place. <br> <br> For me, LSD visuals seem to decrease the faster you are moving, and almost become crystallized and clear, and this state of mind was very surreal. Me, just chilling, cruising, on a beautiful day was just amazing. I stayed out there for about an hour, finally coming inside around 12pm. Once I came inside, and cooled down in front of a fan, I realized just how fried my brain really was. I could hardly see my iPod to change the songs, so instead I went and sat outside on my porch by myself with a nice glass of water. <br> <br> From here, I found myself ultimately appreciating the sounds of the city and woods surrounding my complex. The shimmering trees, the beauty of the birds flying up high in the sky, I was absolutely in love. My porch chairs are very comfy, and I found myself almost in a calm and meditative state. I decided then to take that state one step further, and I simply closed my eyes, relaxed every muscle in my body, and cleared my mind into a blank state. <br> <br> Wow. What a powerful experience. I had never really considered meditation before, but I focused on having no 'internal' thoughts run through my head, no movement, just the sound of me being in nature, with the wind blowing my hair and the birds signing around me. I almost fell into somewhat of a pit of colors, of spiraling kaleidoscopic fractals dancing around me, comforting me in my state of consciousness. I was at peace with everything around me, and simply existing in the present only. <br> <br> When I opened my eyes, I felt this huge uplifting feeling wash over me, and all my vision turned into a deep shade of blue, then slowly to red, then back to normal (over the course of about a minute). I looked down at my phone in my pocket and I could not believe 15 minutes had passed already! I proceeded to try this 'meditation' one more time, but it only lasted about 5 minutes that time before I could not handle the silence of my mind. It was overpowering, overwhelming; I needed to think. <br> <br> I went back inside and laid down on my couch, and put on MGMT's Oracle Spectacular. As I laid there, I had all the classic waving, trippy visuals, but nothing too extreme or such that I was unable to handle it. Before I know it, its 1pm, and its time to take my remaining substances of choice. I take what I thought was a little piece of tissue, and pour of the powder mix of MDMA and 4-aco-dmt into it, and bulb it and proceed to try to swallow it. I clearly misjudged the amount of tissue I was trying to swallow, because it started to gag me and try to make me throw up. Duh, I needed to drink water to get it down. I drink some water and it goes down like a champ. At this point, I am thinking to myself, 'Oh my god… what have I done?' <br> <br> I sit down in one of my comfy chairs and continue to play MGMT. Not even the first song I put on has passed, when I get this strange feeling come over me. 'Huh, that was weird…' I am thinking to myself, this is just a placebo, there is no way it will hit me that fast, considering how much water I drank from skating earlier. I go back outside to sit on my porch, and I am now getting these crazy visuals that I am unable to control. The wooded area I look over is becoming a giant locomotive train, chugging along and billowing smoke. I look up at the clouds in the sky and I see huge ships like what sailed in England in the 1600's. Mayflower after mayflower, billowing, and rolling in without me even having to think about it. Some of the clouds turned into other creatures, all with a gait and everything. Giants, Gods, and even Apes were slowly moving across the sky, and if I looked away and looked back, they were still there in their exact same form. <br> <br> At this point I have no idea what is kicking in, what is not kicking in, what time it is, how long ago I took my substances, and what the hell this ride is going to be like. I get an overwhelming sense of appreciation for this planet Earth, and this world I am able to experience. I actually was mad at myself at one point, for allowing myself to experience such amazing, beautiful, and raw power, that so few will ever get to feel. I was selfish. By now, my visuals are so intense it is like I am in the most trippy video or videogame you could ever imagine. I literally have fractal trees growing out of thin air, like a growing, blooming effect you would see on a time-lapse of spring time. Anything I looked at would start to bloom fractals, poof up like clouds, and my world was literally waving like a 10 foot sea. I could look down at the street of cars, and it was like they were on some kind of roller coaster of hills, even though it was flat. <br> <br> Around 40 minutes in, I begin to get this light, feathery feeling flow through me. My eyelids lifted up more, and everything started to become crystal clear. The wind, the trees, the birds, everything was frozen around me. I knew the wind was blowing, I could feel it on my face, yet anything I looked at was completely frozen. This energetic feeling grew inside of me, until I had to go back inside to contain myself. By now I put on the discography of Bassnectar through my headphones, and I couldn't help myself but to start dancing a little bit. Slowly but surely, the feeling of being on top of the world flowed through me, and by the time 2pm came around, I had become God himself. <br> <br> I figured I was peaked at this point, so I try to clam myself down enough to crack a balloon of nitrous. I could hardly get it working, I was shaking all around my brain was buzzing so much, and I held the balloon in my hand with nervousness. The music was flowing through my veins so hard, it was like a rocket ship for every song. The highs, the lows, every single instrument I could hear with the finest detail, and I hadn't even hit the balloon yet. I could truly appreciate every single instrument, and the combination of sounds was leaving me absolutely amazed. <br> <br> When I finally hit the balloon, I lost all thought processes. I was trying to do 5 breath-in, and breath-outs into the balloon before I sat there, but at the count of 1 I had lost count already. I inhaled/exhaled what I thought was a couple more times until I was scared I was going to pass out due to lack of oxygen. What is crazy, is that I wasn't even propelled into the typical WAHWAHWAH of nitrous, I was propelled into bright yellow and red faces moving their mouths to the beat on my walls, to neon blue, green, and yellow lines of electricity flowing around my whole apartment. I was on top of the world, and I go outside and these visions carry over to the outside world. I come in and sit back down and realize those balloon effects were not going to go away, that this was my new state of mind. All I could say to myself was, 'Oh my god. This is absolutely insane.' Because it was, it was so insane, that was all I could do for 20 minutes, was dance around in this electric world, with visuals I have never encountered before in my history of use. <br> <br> As this is going on, I keep peaking, higher, higher, and higher, until again at 2:30 I figured 'This is the peak now, lets hit another balloon of nitrous.' By this time I'm all sweaty, and it was hard to even be still enough to twist my cracker. Again, I hit it and was propelled even further than before. My walls were creatures that were vibrating, and dancing to the music with me. At some points I am literally laughing like a child I feel so amazing, jumping up and down, clapping my hands together, all because I feel so on top of the world. I decide to find my rave gloves (the ones with the lights on the tips), and while I may not be very good at gloving, the swirls of colors I was making was absolutely incredible. My attention span with this didn't last very long though, as I decided to go outside and explore the world around me. <br> <br> At this point, I could hardly walk on my own two feet. I probably looked either really drunk or really high, but I didn't care at this point. I still have my headphones on, and I walk into a little path by my woods. Obviously, I had to touch every tree two or three times before I could move on to the next tree. Everything felt so good! My visuals by this point have become 2 dimensional, in the fact that I may be seeing a 3d rounded tree in front of me, but all I see is a 2d texture at some particular depth. That is how everything was in these woods, and how every thing was from there after. Like different planes of textures that helped me perceive a 3d world. It was crazy. <br> <br> At this point I see a path that leads off the side of the trail, and proceed to follow it thinking it was some cool runners trail. I was wrong, I ended up walking into some marsh and being covered in spider webs. Who cares right? They felt pretty neat and spiders need homes too. I walk back up and around the trail, marveling at prickly vines, different leaves, and bark on the trees. I sit down on a little bench and have an epiphany. 'I should go skate again.' <br> <br> I jump up and, feeling light as a feather, proceed to sprint all the way back to my place without even a hesitation, and grab my board from inside. I'm still as messed up as ever, and I cannot describe how amazing it felt to glide down a hill feeling the best I have ever felt in my whole life. Skating around was a truly amazing experience, and I longed to have some sort of chair lift/escalator when I got to the bottom of the hills. Words cannot describe how I felt, it was like I was literally gliding through space, with all of these crazy visuals swirling all around me. Just me, having the time of my life. It was flawless. <br> <br> After a while though, I started to get thoughts in my head that all these people were staring at me. After all, I am the only one skating around when people are sitting out on their porches and sidewalks looking over me. I also start to think that everyone else that I see who is close to my age is tripping too. I must have looked messed up when I can hardly balance enough to get going on the board, but once I was going I was floating on air, and perfect. <br> <br> At the top of the hill I pass a dude who looks like he gets me. He clearly sees me chewing relentlessly on a pen cap, fumbling with my headphones falling out of my ears, and making these quick jerky movements. He gives a nod to me and I nod back and continue on my way, and I turn around and he is standing there talking to the side of a building. And pointing up at it like he is yelling at it. Clearly this guy is high too, so I proceed to skate down towards him. The beginning of this hill gets you going about 25 mph, and he is right at the cusp of it. <br> <br> I skate by him and decide I need to talk to this guy, so I put my foot down and literally had no concept of momentum, and proceed to immediately yard sale it in the parking lot. Im talking about cartwheels, head over heels, crash. All the while all of these amazing feelings and sensations are going through my brain. I was not phased one bit, and he starts to run over going 'Are you okay man?' <br> <br> I get up and walk towards him and immediately go 'Hey man, are you high?' because there is clearly no one at the windows he is currently yelling at, so he must be tripping like me. <br> <br> He says, 'No, I'm not.' <br> <br> I say, 'Are you sure?' <br> <br> 'Yea definitely not'. <br> <br> I lean in close and whisper 'Cause I am. Have a good one.' And I put my headphones back in that had fallen out and walk 1/4 mile down the hill to where my skateboard almost went into a sewer drain. I proceed to continue skating around, hardly even caring that I wiped out. So what? I feel on top of the world. I end up finding an overpass that heads into my apartment complex, and find a nice place to sit out and rest. <br> <br> I realize there was a homeless person that once lived under this bridge too, as I see trash, plastic forks, and even a little fire ring. I hereby call this 'Base Camp' from now on, and I figure out that there were steps leading up to the bridge I was under. Walk up the steps, skate down to base camp, rest, repeat. It was an amazing plan! <br> <br> I still think everyone is high like me at this point, and I'm skating around and I see this guy who looks like a Civil War soldier walking down the street (Note I live in a very important Civil War town). He's clearly talking to himself, hey maybe this old man is tripping too! I skate by him and ask him how he's going, and he proceeds to mumble back 'Oh I'm fine thanks' and kept on talking to himself. This was when I realized this guy actually is homeless, and is actually a bit crazy. I skate swiftly away back to base camp. <br> <br> After skating some more, one time I am resting at base camp and I look down at myself and realize my shorts are covered in blood. Upon further inspection, my shirt and my shorts were bloody, and I had scrapes that were bleeding on both elbows, both fronts and backsides of my hands, and one knee. Damn, how long have I been skating around looking like a bloody mess? How long has it been since I wrecked? Who knows. At this point I only do a couple more 'runs' of my new hill I found and proceed to skate back to my apartment to take a shower and drink some water, because it was a hot day and I didn't want to overheat being this high on drugs. <br> <br> Around 4:30pm I took an ice cold shower, and it felt incredible. The water droplets dipping off my face felt like they were falling into infinity, I could not tell what was really dripping and was was not, and I literally could have stayed under that cold shower head for 45 minutes. I didn't want stay there forever, so I eventually got out and dried off. <br> <br> Everything that I touched or was touching felt amazing, and for the next hour and a half I proceeded to lay around in comfy pajamas and listen to some House music. Between my bed and my couch, my visuals were slowly fading but the sensations I was feeling were so relaxing and comforting. I literally could just lay there I was so content with the the world, my life, and my situation, I had not a care. I soon realized I was still bleeding and had got blood all over the place, and a quick side track with a tide-stick stain remover took care of my problems. <br> <br> Around 7:30pm, after my vision had become simply crispy lines and maybe a little waves left over from the LSD, I proceed to turn on Netflix Family Guy and Futurama. They both were making me laugh so hard, and that's when I realized that I had not eaten anything at all the whole day. I needed to force something down, even though I was not hungry. <br> <br> I reheated some leftover shepherd's pie, and it took me 45 minutes to force it down. From this point onward, I was crashing. I was pretty tired from the days experience, tired from skating, and simply mentally exhausted as well. The night ends with me falling asleep backwards in my bed, still watching Netflix, and having the most bizarre dream where I was a contestant on Wheel of Fortune, and it's my turn, and I proceed to say 'I would like to buy a vowel. The letter Green!' It was so bizarre I actually woke up and couldn't believe my brain came up with that… <br> <br> I woke up in the morning sore from skating, but refreshed and rejuvenated mentally. Hands down, that was the best drug experience of my life, and I hope to remember it for years to come. While going solo might not be for everyone, for me, it was a once in a lifetime experience. It was truly amazing, and thanks for reading.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2013</td><td width="90">ExpID: 101195</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 23</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 9, 2017</td><td>Views: 6,370</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=101195&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=101195&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), 4-AcO-DMT (387), MDMA (3), Nitrous Oxide (40) : Alone (16), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">220 ug</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">150 ug</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/library/books_online/tihkal/">AL-LAD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:50</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">25 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/4_acetoxy_dmt/">4-AcO-DMT</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:50</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 bowls</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:50</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/lotus/">Lotus/Lily - Nymphaea nouchali var caerulea</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 3:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/clonazepam/">Pharms - Clonazepam</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I swallowed a pill with two crammed pieces of paper, one packed neatly with a bit of Shiva's eye on it (the one dosed 220 micrograms), and a larger, more crammed piece, with the words AL-LAD in plain, Arial-looking font. I had on me some clonazepam, in case if the experience was getting out of control and I needed to halt it. <br> <br> I began painting. MY mood had been creative and active, I had finished some labs after a grueling day of high school, and I felt that it was an optimal time to unfurl and do some introspective exploration. I was mixing oils and acrylics, which I found tough. I am not too great at painting. Regardless, I attempted to focus my energy on painting a blue dragon with swirling scales in oil, and to then wrap it in some thangka looking clouds in acrylic. Over the time of the come up, my gradual making sense of the image, guided by my spatial intuition, demanded that it become a seahorse instead, and that it have chiaroscuro and rear out from a dark sea. This began to give my perception feelings of darker colours and moods, and so the fantasies became focuses more on things rearing out from the shadows--not intrusively, but with familiarity. <br> <br> By the 50 minute mark, I could sense the trip was already becoming significantly more intense than AL-LAD alone. In my excitement and rush, I opened a bag of 4-AcO-DMT, and brought it to my side. I eyeballed half the small pile of powder (the pile itself was weighed on a milligram scale to be 50 milligrams) and I ate it. Immediately after I smoked bowls of cannabis, and of blue lotus, which felt very earthy and ancient, although the harshness on my lungs was amplified. At this point, while my heart-rate was unaffected, I had strong physiological sensations all over my body, as if the axons of my nerves were rewiring themselves. Overlapping nervous stimulations led to intense erotic fantasy and pleasure. I took advantage of this and masturbated. Despite the vasoconstriction getting in the way of full release, and the overwhelming cognitive stimulation clouding my fantasies, I led myself to exasperating climax. At this point, things began to become overwhelming--well, not that they were not already. <br> <br> I felt the strong kick-in of the 4-AcO-DMT, intermingling with the lysergamides and re-configuring itself for this 3 main-way combo. I was not painting anymore, simply lying down. Fungal mandalas splashed and whirred all over the ceiling. Arabic scrolls dripped down. Internal caverns were forged. I heard the sounds of whirring CD drives coming from within my head, like strange alien signals being beamed directly to me--not through some physical medium like a tangible sound, but some internal frequency that sounded as if it were emanating from inside my own ears. Did this ever wig me out, man! I was thrown into a thought loop, questioning the basis of nature as desconstructed sound kept on being wired to me. As reality started playing tricks on itself, I was questioning what reality ever was in the first place. These were never in the realm of psychosis, but they were certainly difficult material to work with, especially since I have had depersonalization issues from early experiences in my childhood that were really hurtful to me. This trip did not directly deal with that, but I felt as if it were being circled around. At this point, I was considering the clonazepam. <br> <br> Suddenly, I was started to be pushed into what I would consider a '++++' state. In the periphery of my vision, complex, Antonio Gaudi-like architectural designs, formed from crystalline ruby and cyan hues, emerged from the ground. Large crystals were hurled with great force from the fabric of the room. The stimulation was overwhelming and at points I could not tell if my eyes were open nor closed. The experience would shift, almost deceivingly, between ecstatic recreational joy, and dark introspective underbelly. Especially due to the stress of past thought loops, I felt tossed over and over again between the same scenarios in my head, and the power of the visuals, I felt, was not being fully appreciated, due to the calamity of my thoughts. Realistically, I was just shy of embracing the madness of life and exploring the dark side with equal enthusiasm as I did for the recreational 'parts', and perhaps then I would have found the self-assuring value I was looking for. Instead, I began to fear the discomfort of riding out a trip I was not on the same page with. And the visuals were climbing and climbing!! I saw thangka like radial patterns, delicate balancing acts of fractals stacked upon celestial strokes of light, beaming out with apparitions of indescribable creatures--almost animal in their movement and aura, but perhaps too clockwork in shape and structure to be immediately recognized as such. They mended the room, and soon I saw mirror replicas of everything, unfolding atop of one another. <br> <br> By this point, my heart rate was getting pretty fast. It had been 3.5 hours, I believe, since I took that LSD and AL-LAD. I got stage fright in front of a seemingly infinite audience of maddening lifeforms, leading me into a dimension I was not ready at the time to experience. The past hour I had been thinking vaguely and distantly about the clonazepam in the back of my mind. I decided I would take it. I felt like the ultimate salmon swimming upstream, getting upstairs to my bathroom. Fortunately, I had the pill already laid out on a book, with a plastic cup of water beside it. I clumsily threw the pill in my mouth and gurgled it down. <br> <br> Over the course of the next fifteen minutes, the experience deflated dramatically. Post-clonazepam, about 30 minutes in, the deflation leveled off, leaving a strong ++/light +++ trip, which felt akin to previous experiences of a tab around 120 micrograms LSD. The hallucinations were present but wholly manageable, and I found myself talkative and stimulated, rather than quiet and introspective. This ran counter to the fact that benzo's are downers. Although, they are also anxiolytic. However, the more the trip wore off over time, the more I regretted cutting it off early, rather than just attempting to ride it out. However, I am incredibly grateful for what it was, and it taught me a lot about myself personally (as all my trips do)--and I guess it taught me not to get ahead of myself when dosing! I still am holding onto LSD and AL-LAD and I hope to try just those two alone soon.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 102950</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 12, 2017</td><td>Views: 5,721</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=102950&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=102950&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Pharms - Clonazepam (125), 4-AcO-DMT (387), AL-LAD (603), LSD (2) : Alone (16), Combinations (3)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  repeated</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">130 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> T0:00- I set out to the midst of the city with the goal of having a powerful psychedelic experience in a bustling place surrounded by people and society. I was a little stoned as I set out, looking for a safe place to inconspicuously unwrap foil and pop 5 very strong tabs into my mouth. I also had to go to the bathroom really badly. This concluded in me taking the tabs in the stall of a very crowded public bathroom. After this I set off to walk towards one of the rivers that ran by the city. I wanted to smoke a little as I came up, because that always acted to my benefit. By the time I reach the river I can feel the drug flow through my veins with burgeoning intensity. Patterns began to appear in the sky before me and form out of the sunlight reflecting off the water. I was shivering and shaking violently. <br> <br> T1:00- I find a nice lonely sidewalk by the highway and walk up and down smoking my one hitter with impunity. This has the predicted effect of strengthening the trip, yet also tempering some of the physical intensity- as though it’s been splashed with color after having its edges sanded down. I decide to sit down in a park and draw in my sketchbook. <br> <br> T1:30- I station myself in a nice secluded place in the grass and begin to draw as the sun breaks through the clouds. The sunbeams explode onto me with the most glorious and dazzling light possible. I can feel the glistening rays with every one of my senses, it’s spectacular in every way imaginable. The light sounds like an angelic chorus. As I draw, I become obsessed with the quality of my lines, the power imbued in each line rather than the holistic image. I try to create a sort of chaotic coherency by placing lines at random and trusting that my elevated state would subconsciously allow me to arrange them in a beautiful, harmonious, and coherent image. Eventually, the lines become cathartic- through a visual-auditory synesthesia I can hear each line scream as I forcefully drag them on the page. Graceful lines become jagged screaming marks, each one circling and contorting with explosive release. I want to be physically screaming out loud, but I still have the judgment to not do that, as I am in public. <br> <br> T2:00- I am tired of this activity. I want to experience more of the world around me. I begin to hike from the river towards downtown. Unfortunately, this involves passing through one of the most affluent areas of the city. I am dressed in all black with a tattered jacket covered in paintings. I stick out like a sore thumb amongst the swarms of folks in suits and overpriced cardigans. This trek back to center city was exceedingly uncomfortable as I detected piercing stares in every direction. In reality, it was probably me misinterpreting passing glances, but in my state each glance felt like hours of daggers shooting from judgmental eyes. I eventually reach Chinatown, and a crowd of teenagers decked out in hot topic clothes and homestuck merch ask if they can hug me. I accept and then slink off, completely jarred by this social interaction. <br> <br> T2:30-I go to a public park. I sit around people watching. It’s a lot of fun. Some people are sitting in circles playing some game, occasionally one of them stands up and shouts things. After extended observation it begins to feel almost rhythmic and patterned, it’s a very interesting background sound. In front of me a guy is dancing to dubstep. He is very lean and has beautiful chiseled muscles. His muscle control is incredible, he has 100% control over every minute movement he does. This is absolutely fascinating. <br> <br> T3:00-I am tired. I am uncomfortable in public, lots of people are looking at me, or at least I suspect them of such. I want to go home. I make my way to the subway. Waiting around in the station is uneventful. On the subway I slump in my chair. I zone out and feel my eyes roll into my head, I must look like a drugged up mess to everyone on board. I become aware that I might be exaggerating my appearance for my attention. I keep looping through this thought, correcting myself before drifting off and become self-conscious again. I get off the subway and head home. The walk home is completely wiped from my memory. <br> <br> T:4:00- I am home now. It’s comfortable, peaceful, and familiar. I break out the bong and take a huge rip as the sun sets. I had no idea what this would do to me. Especially this one hit- it is gigantic and milky, I seem to not feel the smoke entering my body and just continue to take more and more. This dose of cannabis is monstrous and I cough violently upon realizing just how much smoke is in my body. <br> T4:30-I start to feel a little funny. Usually smoking while tripping just kicks up the visuals a little bit or lessens the body load. This time however, it was much more. I was reading on my computer, but I soon noticed that words began to be incomprehensible, and soon the letters themselves morphed into illegible glyphs. <br> <br> I began to feel my body lightening and fading away. My sense of proportion became warped. Sounds began to echo and ricochet off each other in a visual space. My depth perception broke down as the room before me became a flat space being viewed from every direction at once, overlaid with gridlike patterns. I closed my eyes and faded into a space where all my senses were united in perceiving an odd shape that I couldn’t necessarily describe as 3-dimensional, as it broke all sorts of laws of perspective and depth. I was bodiless in this state, my entire existence was encompassed in this anomalous form. Interestingly, if I opened my eyes and willed myself to focus I could pull myself from this transdimensional (?) state and experience a very altered version of my sober reality (rather than a different reality altogether). My walls were twisting and warping in every direction and my room was simultaneously very small and very large. When I laid down I felt like I was flying. It was indescribably immaculate and trhilling, I don’t think I have ever felt better while under the influence of a drug. I fiddled my fingers and cried tears of joy at the complexity of strangeness of my hands. My nails tapped out rythyms on the walls and each tap resonated like ripples through the twisting and swirling room. I was twitching and contorting my body because it felt so amazing to feel the ways in which I could move this fleshy frame. <br> <br> At one point I twisted so hard It felt like my entire skeleton popped out alignment with one another. This feeling didn’t go away until much later that night. I pressed my outstretched hand against the wall and felt a torrent of energy enter my body from that point of contact. A concentric radiating pattern exploded out from that point. Though it was probably just a visual reaction based on the position of my arm, it felt as though I communed with some being through my wall and pulled energy from it. No words can really describe the immense bliss of this leg of the trip, I felt like I was at the apex of my life. Unlike the previous experience with MDMA and mushrooms where it was a very odd chemical bliss, this felt like a cognitive bliss that came from beautiful thoughts rather than being pumped with raw happiness. <br> <br> T5:30-I leave the house to pick up my girlfriend from the train station. I am mostly down by now, save for a body high and light visuals. I haven’t had any social interaction for the past 6 hours so talking to her when she arrives feels very awkward. This eventually fades and gives way to a pleasant night. <br> <br> Conclusion: This is the greatest trip I had ever had thusfar. I was in total control of myself and my thoughts the entire time but could let my mind drift off to my discretion. The entire experience felt like a lucid dream played out in reality. My room was my surrealistic paradise. The synergistic potentiation between weed and acid would become a refuge I would return to study often.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 110552</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Aug 22, 2017</td><td>Views: 3,652</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=110552&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=110552&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance">Various</td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">170 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> The long awaited blind Lysergamide test! <br> <br> I'll start by telling you I've done an extensive amount of self research in the Lysergamide family of drugs; if I had to take a guess I'd say I've taken at least a sheet and a half to two sheets worth of these substances. I've always stated that I feel I could tell these apart in a blind test, and others have said most are indistinguishable. I made it my goal to acquire two, 100 microgram tablets of each of the most common Lysergamides, 1P-LSD, 1A-LSD (ALD-52), AL-LAD, ETH-LAD, and, of course, LSD-25. <br> <br> Route Of Administration <br> <br> My body chemistry with these substances might be different then most, and remember ymmv when taking these substances. As for 200ug it takes me about 7-8 days for my tolerance to be completely baseline again. Due to this, I gave each test 12 days in between just to be sure. <br> <br> To take the substances without knowledge​ of which one I'd taken I had my s/o mark down the order in which I'd be taking the tabs, she then placed them in separate label Mylar foil bags and kept them to herself. She was to place the tab on my tongue, and I was to keep each one in my mouth for exactly 45 minutes then swallow. All tests other than 1 were done at exactly 5 p.m. to test part of the trip during the sunlight hours and part at night as it gets dark around 7:45 where I'm from. I also fast for 6 hours before each trip, and am on no other medications or substances at the time of the trials. Note that I take what most would consider heavy doses quite often <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">Note that I take what most would consider heavy doses quite often</div></div> so the effects of 200ug to me, while still noticeable, feel rather lackluster than to your typical person. All of my tabs except for the LSD (which was tested to be 100% positive) came from the same source. The following is a recount of my 5 tests, some by recollection of memory and some were quick notes jotted down during the experience: <br> <br> Trial 1: <br> <br> I'm excited to get this test underway! After long back and forths on BL as to whether or not these substances could be distinguished I've finally got the chance to truly see for myself! The mood for the day was uplifted and happy, I'd just gotten home 45 minutes earlier after working a ten hour shift with 7 hours being overtime, cha ching! I took a quick shower and tidied my place, prepared some fresh sliced fruit and awaited my tabs. <br> <br> 5:00- My girlfriend came, extended the tab outward and placed it on my tongue, off we go! <br> <br> 5:25- Minute body high/tingly feeling? Could be placebo at this point. <br> <br> 5:39- Nope definitely a head change, body feels slightly heavy but nothing dramatic <br> <br> 5:56- First sign of visuals, I went to the restroom and while standing over the toilet my marble floor started to expand and contract ever so lightly. No change in body high. <br> <br> 6:20- The substance definitely has that trippy headspace, makes me question the little things I do before actually doing it, also making me reflect on past decisions and wondering how things would be different, really got deep in my mind thinking about the butterfly effect and how the smallest changes in detail could've shaped humanity a different way. Visuals are still at a minimum, really have to zone out or look for them and make them happen, but the mental aspect of this one wants to make me rule out AL LAD or ETH LAD, still too early on. <br> <br> 7:00- Body load has completely lifted, still stuck in a weird in between headspace of not fully tripping but almost there, questioning things, answering things, expecting the substance to hit me full force but feeling something's missing. <br> <br> 7:35- Visuals picking up slightly. My grass hasn't been cut in a couple weeks so there's plenty of little creatures flying and crawling around, I'm sitting outside and every now and then one flies past my head and there seems to be 5 or 6 that follows in a blur. I would assume I'm at the peak of this one and not much more is going to happen <br> <br> 8:30-9:30- I was correct, slight visuals have stayed consistent for an hour, sky's taken on a red hue, red seems to be the dominant color in this trip. Closed eye visuals are more pronounced than open but still not spectacular, I decide to go watch TV. <br> <br> 10:45- I've been watching Cosmos for the past hour, Neil Degrasse Tyson is truly spectacular, I'm still getting abstract thoughts, i.e. camera pans through New York City, I think about how there's millions of people going about their lives at the same time as me, all their lives are just as important to them as mine is to myself, I wonder if they all do similar things when alone, struggle, love, endure. <br> <br> 11-2:30- Ate my fruit with the GF while watching Fear & Loathing. Comedown came fast and actually left me sleepy at the end of the movie. Had no problem falling asleep at 2:30. <br> <br> My Guess: Due to the fact that the visuals we're minimal, but I did get the introspective headspace, and it lasted about 9 and a half hours, I guessed this substance to be 1P-LSD. <br> <br> Trial 2: <br> <br> 5:00- Tabs placed under the tongue, me, myself, and I was off to the local conservation area, for a 6 mile hike. I pack up my 3 bottles of smartwater, one Gatorade, teddy grahams, and 2 oranges and hop in my Jeep. It was a 25 minute drive to the trail. <br> <br> 5:27- Get to the trail, make sure everything's in order, vape, snacks, hydration, and hit the dirt path. The view is beautiful as there's wispy clouds covering the sun and the trail wraps around the edges of a local lake. <br> <br> 5:42- First noticeable signs. Colors getting very sharp and pronounced, starting to see blues and greens with my eyes closed, slight queasiness in my lower stomach. I note that the queasiness and stomach gurgling/burping usually comes with the LADs. Snacked on a few Teddy grahams while walking. No loss of appetite. <br> <br> 6:15- OEVs becoming pronounced. The sea of grass is slowly becoming a sea, I look forward 10-20 feet and the ground seems to take on a water like texture, liquid looking and flowing. Trees bark suddenly becomes alive and the clouds are shifting. Colors are getting more and more bright. No noticeable change in headspace yet. <br> <br> 6:52- Been walking for awhile now and sit down to enjoy an orange and a water, as well as the scenery. I laid out a small blanket I'd brought along and everything came alive, the clouds opened up on themselves, trees growing/shrinking. The visuals tend to take on the form of faces/eyeballs. Feeling great at this point. <br> <br> 7:30- Decide to get back on the trail, while laying down and getting lost in the clouds, my vision was completely engulfed in electric-like visuals for a good 10-15 minutes. Blissful feeling throughout my body. <br> <br> 8:30- Forgot to jot down some notes over the past hour as I've picked up the pace and have just been enjoying myself throughout this walk, about a mile and a half to go and the sun's gone down, clear sky and the stars are out, looking at the gets mildly overwhelming, well, not necessarily overwhelming but they are shifting and dancing around so much that it's giving me a seasick feeling. Earlier in the path I noticed a vine laying across the path and for the life of me my brain couldn't decide whether it was a vine or a snake until I touched it with a stick. Have the feeling that the comedown has begun and will keep the pace up to not be out so late. <br> <br> 9:10- I've finished the trail and am back at the parking lot/fishing area. The comedown was quite rapid as over the past 45 minutes I've lost most of my visuals other than the typical 'breathing’ of objects. Still going to wait around for another 15-30 before driving home just to be safe. <br> <br> 10:00- Had a great conversation about how the land her has changed over the years with and older man who was out fishing on the pier. I feel as if I've returned to baseline now, visuals are bare minimum unless I really focus and make them happen, time to drive home. <br> <br> 10:28- Ate a light meal of beef stroganoff upon returning home, very minute noticeable sign of the substance still in my system but had no problem going right to sleep. All in all a great experience. <br> <br> My Guess: AL-LAD, hands down I feel 100% sure, kept my appetite the whole time, plenty of visual activity, no change in headspace/introspective thoughts, and the minimal come up/peak/comedown time. No doubt in my mind but we'll see at the end of this experiment​. <br> <br> Trial 3: <br> <br> 5:00- Got home from work about 30 minutes ago, showered, and had my s/o place the tabs on my tongue. Today's trip was to take place at my best friends house, we'll call her C for this story. She lives about 15 minutes away, so I head to her house before this chemical kicks in. <br> <br> 5:18- I arrive at C’s house to find that she had also dropped a 125 mic tab of her own LSD and would be enjoying the night in the same headspace as I. We say our Hello’s, shoot the bull for a second as she'd just gotten back from her trip to Colorado (we're on the east coast) and she proceeds to roll up a blunt for herself. <br> <br> 5:40- We spent the first 25 minutes looking over pictures of Colorado, reading the lab tested labels on the medical marijuana containers she'd brought back, and reminiscing about our old trips; C is my most trusted friend and has been my psychonaut-in-crime since my early tripping days. By this time I'd almost forgot about the tabs on my tongue. <br> <br> 5:52- The first signs of the substance come on, we're in her living room, watching the Netflix show F is for Family, and every joke said on the show ends up in one of us erupting in laughter, causing the other to burst into laughter because the other is laughing so hard, and so on and so forth. <br> <br> 6:13- First visual signs appear; C’s living room is very hippie-esque, all sorts of Mandela and bright trippy colored tapestry line every wall. Each is starting to dance and spin in its own way. C’s skin is starting to look cartoonish to me. I can't really explain it other than she started to look vaguely like a character in a video game would, where you can tell they're human but they have that digital look to them. Appetites completely lost, won't be eating until well into tomorrow. <br> <br> 6:25- We've spent the last 30 minutes sitting on the couch, blacklight on, listening to electronic music. It seems the visuals are pulsating to the beat of the songs. C has a mask we had made last year of the DJ Marshmello, it's made of a thin cheap white 5 gallon bucket we carved into; we put a multi-colored strobe light under the mask and watched it illuminate. The more I looked into this Marshmello head, the more his happy go lucky smile started to seem ominous and sinister, to the point to where I felt uncomfortable. I had trouble sitting still so I decided if C was okay with it, it's time to go for a walk and enjoy being outside. Here's where this trip turned south. <br> <br> 6:35- this section will be longer due to the fact that I could no longer keep track of time and had to focus on my surroundings so it's all recollection of memory. <br> <br> We're outside walking at this point, the visuals are completely different from the previous trips. Not only are they toying with my vision, but they're tricking my mind causing some anxiety. C and I live in a nice city, more or less a city where rich people or older folks who are retired stay, there's quite a few cops that patrol at night, you're guaranteed to see them if you walk at least a block. An example of the mind tricks the substance was playing was every car that passed seemed to take on the shape of a white crown Vic with lights on the top, and I'd stare down the long street to see it stretch endlessly and at the end it’d spin clockwise extremely fast, throwing off my equilibrium. At one point a we passed a man sitting on his porch enjoying a cigarette and I was sure he knew we were tripping and was for sure going to let the police know. I felt everything getting overbearing but kept walking and kept it to myself to keep from worrying C. A few more minutes of this goes by, Crown Vic, Dodge Charger, Yukon, too many police cars that aren't police cars, too much anxiety. Then, C turns to me and says 'wouldn’t it be crazy if a cop stopped to talk to us', and at that very moment a REAL crown Vic pulls up from a street adjacent to us and pulls onto the grass right beside the walkway. He gets out of his car, and by this time I'm frozen, have the feeling of pure terror, I couldn't string strong worded sentences together when talking to my best friend, how in the world am I going to do it while being put on the spot? <br> <br> Below is a close dialogue of what was said: <br> <br> Me: C please talk to him <br> <br> 'officer walks up, shines flashlight directly in my face causing all sorts of flashing color patterns to go throughout my vision, I try my best not to turn away to act as normal as possible’ <br> <br> Officer: Evening, where are y'all headed to tonight? <br> <br> C: Just taking a walk officer, anything wrong? <br> <br> Officer: Nope just checking up, you guys have any ID on you? <br> <br> C: No sir unless there's something wrong we don't have to present ID, I live in the area and we're simply taking a walk. We're actually headed home so unless you need us to stay we'll be on our way. <br> <br> Officer: Nope all set here, you guys have a good night. <br> <br> The whole time this was going on I was in awe of how well C handled the situation, as well as shocked how stereotypical the cop looked, big guy, super trooper moustache, all he was missing was a coffee and donuts. <br> <br> By the time we got back to walking night was starting to set, my heart was still pounding after the police encounter and I felt I was on the verge of a downward spiral in trip <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">my heart was still pounding after the police encounter and I felt I was on the verge of a downward spiral in trip</div></div>, every noise I heard I thought was police and I now thought every car was trying to secretly tail us home. We decided to get back to the house as soon as possible to clear up the bad vibes in a safe environment, we got about 100 yards from her house, we heard a huge rustling sound in the woods right next to us. It might've been the acid playing tricks, but it sounded WAY bigger than any animal in our area, definitely not a cat or dog. C and I both looked each other in the eye and without a word spoken, both took off full sprint at the exact same time to her house. <br> <br> 8:10- We finish our sprints in record time and enter her house, lock the doors, and start listening to some Shpongle. I'm definitely on the downward spiral now with my nerves getting the best of me, my mind was still playing tricks on me making me think the police were coming through the door any minute. Audio hallucinations were present as well, I could hear voices outside the windows of her home even though there wasn't anyone there. I must've looked like I was tweaking, every window I passed I poked my head out just to make sure. I had so much energy in me, as well as being so nervous that I paced for a good 45 minutes before taking a seat. <br> <br> 9:00- I've gotten a lot of the energy and shakes out of me, but I'm still feeling the overwhelming sensation of being on the verge of a panic attack, I still haven't said much about it to C as I was sure she was feeling the same way after what had happened, I finally sat down beside her and put on spirit of life by blackmill, which is my go-to in a bad situation. When the song peaked I closed my eyes and was almost instantaneously brought out of my state of panic, beautiful closed eye visuals brushed me through a field of neon green fractals and imagery, it was almost as if I could picture an image in my head, for instance on a mountain top, and instantly be transported there. <br> <br> 10:00- We spent the next hour in silence, once again, listening to music on C’s couch, enjoy the tapestry melting away around us. At one point C asked if I wanted water and, when I looked at her, her face started shift counter clockwise. Quite weird but humorous at the same time, I told her and we laughed it off. <br> <br> 10:44- I feel that the comedown has started, I'm started to lose interest in the visuals and while my mind is restless, my body is physically exhausted. I decided then to drive home as I felt I was able to, being only minutes from home and the roads aren't busy in our neighborhood. The drive was mellow, a few cars passed and I could almost swear then that all had their brights on, I know now it was just the color intensity. <br> <br> 11:02- Just got to the house, my s/o is already asleep so I just grab a water from the fridge and turn on National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation; I'm still under the effects of the drug. I'm sure if my s/o could have heard me downstairs she would have thought I was a lunatic as I had quite a few outbursts of laughter during the movie. The characters were also growing and shrinking on the television which made it even funnier. <br> <br> 12:30- The movies over now, visuals have gone down to a minimum, but I still have a restless mind, even though I don't have an appetite I grab a pecan spinwheel and a glass of milk, scarf it down, and decide I'm going to make myself sleep. Not. I spent the next three hours tossing and turning in my bed, half focused on the closed eye visuals, half deciding sleep is a lost cause and surfing through Bluelight. The last time I looked over at my clock it was 3:23 and I drifted off to sleep for 9 hours. <br> <br> My Guess: Due to the sheer mindfuck and intensity of the substance at hand, I had to go with the one, the only, LSD 25. <br> <br> Trial 4: <br> <br> Due to me working multiple overtime weeks in the past 4 months I accrued plenty of vacation time at my job, and on a last minute whim me and my s/o decided to take a 4 day mini vacation to New Orleans to visit some family of mine and enjoy the city. Shulgin be damned if I was going to let that keep me from my experiments! The day after the grueling 10 hour drive we planned a day to ourselves in the city, I was going to take her to the Audubon zoo, City Park, and then we'd walk the French Quarter later on. <br> <br> 9:00- I woke about an hour ago, had my shower and morning coffee, and received my tabs at 9. Once the tabs were on my tongue we set off for the 45 minute drive to the zoo. It had been a year and a half since the last time I'd been in the area and I was amazed at how rapid the city of New Orleans was changing, new building being put in, old neighborhoods and homes that were once ghettos were renovated. It's becoming beautiful again. <br> <br> 9:47- We arrived at the zoo, to my amazement, not many people were here. The Audubon doesn't open till 10 but usually there are long lines full of tourists, locals, and school kids on field trips building up an hour or so before the kiosks open. We parked and as soon as I stepped out of the car, I noticed a change in my headspace, the ground was already starting to ungulate back and forth ever so slightly. I noted how fast this substance has already begun to take effect. We waited, second in line, behind a family of four for ten minutes until the attendants opened their kiosks for entrance, paid for our tickets, and entered. <br> <br> 10:05- It was gearing up to be a hot, humid New Orleans day, already in the low 80’s and was forecasted to climb as the day progressed. Before we started our adventure I decided to get a tall lemonade to carry along and slowly transferred it into an empty smart water bottle I'd brought along to put it in my sports bag and not have to tote it around. My visuals we're already prominent, and although aware of my surroundings, my head was definitely in a different place. My girlfriend would say something to me and it'd take quite a few seconds for me to process it, I noticed a lot of what was happening around me, people ordering hamburgers and hot dogs, which I noted was odd at 10 in the morning, teachers telling school kids to stay in groups in front of them. The first exhibit you see when walking into this zoo is the display of 20-30 flamingos right in the front, I watched them for awhile, noticing not only how the flamingos interacted with one another but how there was an abundance of other species in this display, frogs and tadpoles in the water hole, many different types of bugs in the small patches of grass and smaller birds of a different species that seemed to follow these flamingos around, the giant birds were exceptionally bright pink, and I noted how each had its own aura around it. Very interesting. <br> <br> 10:40- We take our time at each exhibit, and after leaving the dimly lit amphibian house, I realize how much the visuals have actually picked up, everything seemed very cartoon like and animated, swirls and tracers appear with every passing person, and the sun's brightness forces me to put on my lennon style sunglasses. <br> <br> 10:53- We decide to head to the primate path, I always find these animals fascinating due to how intelligent and close to humans they act. He first we pass are the orangutans, my favorite primate of them all. I sit in the nearby bench and watch in awe as they display different signs of emotions we use everyday, one gets a watermelon and screeches in happiness, and the other rushes over to try and get a piece of the watermelon action, causing the first to pick the melon up and run, ensuing an action packed monkey chase that could have made it into a Jason Bourne film. After this we follow the primate path enjoying the many types of monkeys. <br> <br> 11:22- We walked the primate and Savannah exhibits, the giraffes were absolutely enjoyable, their patterns swirled and danced all over the place as they stood mere feet from us eating vegetation. I decided we should go to my favorite part in the zoo, the reptile walk. I've always loved reptiles, especially whilst tripping, their scales feel so unique and the way they move and act is absolutely incredible. The reptile walk is in a dark building lit only by the lights behind the glass in each exhibit. Being so dark, my mind and eyes started to create color in the darkness, colorful swirls and patterns lined the ground in amazing impossible shapes. We ventured through as a gawked at all the snakes and lizards in every display, while my s/o stood behind me in disgust at them. <br> <br> 11:55- After the reptiles we decided to get something to eat, my s/o got a chicken tender basket that I looked at in a similar way she looked at the snakes, I just settled for vanilla ice cream. We continued throughout each exhibit over the next two hours without my visuals inclining or declining, I stayed pretty plateau'd with long tracers and crazy shapes forming. <br> <br> 1:57- At this time we decide to beat the heat and head to city park. Being in the air conditioning is an unrivaled feeling to any other at this point, I'd gone through 3 lemonades and 3 waters throughout the zoo experience. While on the interstate I feel as if I'm on a spaceship in hyperdrive, the tracers got even better on the ride with each passing car. <br> <br> 2:40- We arrive at city park, our first stop was the botanical gardens, which was incredible, the flowers and wildlife were so vibrant on this mystery substance and the leaves/vines undulated with every slight breeze. The clouds and wind had picked up then and it felt amazing to be out in the open, a truly beautiful day. I had a few awkward moments of not knowing what to do with myself when others would pass by or stop right beside me, putting my sunglasses on stopped this and put me in my own little world. <br> <br> 3:27- A nice walk in the gardens, a few stops at benches to admire the scenery and we were off to the museum of art and sculptures, another path to walk showing of amazing sculptures in the New Orleans landscape. It was very enjoyable to see the modern art, many animals made out of oddly fascinating materials, I recall this one sculpture resembling a giant spider, a bit unnerving but amazing nonetheless. We continued our walk here for an hour and a half, once again stopping at benches to occasionally get hydrated and enjoy the scenery. <br> <br> 5:35- After seeing the sculptures we made our way to the famous, or infamous depending on how you look at it, French Quarter. By the time we got here the visuals, although still present, were beginning to decline rapidly. My psychedelic headspace was still very much present, I was still very aware and cautious of my surroundings, noticing things I wouldn't normally notice. The massive amount of people was almost overwhelming, as before I put on my safari-style hat and shades to escape the alluring gaze of those around me. Since my trip was definitely on the comedown, we decided to go to a bar in the quarter called Tropical Isle to get the ever famous Hand Grenade drink, great frozen beverage, comes in a nifty hand grenade plastic cup. This tasted amazing, and the fact that it's a slushie texture made it all the better, we walked around the quarter for the next two hours enjoying the sight of many drunk people, street artist and preformers, and the French style architecture New Orleans is so famous for. Music appreciation was great on this mystery substance, probably the best so far at 200ug. <br> <br> 8:10- My comedown was complete, I was lacking visuals, energy drained, and we were ready to head back to my family's house. Upon arriving an hour later we sat around a fire and had good reminiscent conversations for about thirty minutes then went to sleep shortly after. <br> <br> My Guess: Due to the weird super aware yet super giddy headspace and all around mellow-ness of the trip I'd have to say this one was ALD 52. <br> <br> Trial 5: <br> <br> My mind wanted to say I was in for the ETH LAD trip today, yet something told me it might take me by surprise and I would completely flunk my experiments. The setting for today's trip is with a friend of mine, he'll be A for this trip, at the conservation area that my supposed AL LAD trip had taken place. This time we wouldn't be taking the long trek around the lake, but we were taking another route about a mile into the woods that opens up into a park/sitting area with a great views of the water, hills, and open fields. A was planning on taking 250ug of AL LAD, and because of this dose, we decided to have my girlfriend drop us off at 5 and pick us up at 9 to avoid being left in the dark. <br> <br> 5:00-We arrived at the trail moments ago, 2 tabs under my tongue of a mystery chemical and 2.5 of AL LAD under A’s; we each had CamelBak'stellar with iced water and I had two packs of fruit gummy snacks to munch on if I felt inclined. We headed out on our journey, it was about 45 minutes to the sitting area where the destination is, so the plan is to get there around the time it starts to kick in. 40 minutes in A mentions how he has a major, almost awkward, change in his headspace and is already seeing wavey patterns over the grass, still nothing for me. <br> <br> 5:47- We get to the picnic/sitting area and claim the two park benches immediately. A lays flat on his back looking up into the clouds, while I sit double lotus with my eyes closed and begin to meditate to the sounds of nature, the occasional airboat flying past in the near waters startles me. <br> <br> 6:02- My serene silence is disrupted by A, now saying he's tripping quite nicely and can tell it's going to be a rollercoaster for him, I usher him to put on any music of his liking, and he plays Robert DeLong. I start to think I'm feeling a euphoric high but am not quite sure yet, could be a placebo or just getting out of a trance-like state of meditation. Ill have to wait it out more to tell if what I'm feelings real or not <br> <br> 6:13- I've definitely got some euphoria from the substance. My vocal abilities have changed now, as in, I've known A for awhile but we've been more of acquaintances than anything up to this point, and I find it hard to keep steady conversation and find the silence even more awkward, so I oddly just bob my head to the music and forget about it. He seems to be in a world of his own anyways at this point. <br> <br> 6:35- My high has increased, not necessarily a headspace but just a body load feeling. I've been watching A and trying to keep a friendly manner about myself. He had chain smoked 3 or 4 cigarettes in a row, I watched him zone off in the woods nearby while his cigarette, still in his mouth and burnt to the filter, went out. He realizes this a minute or so later and instinctively pulls out his lighter and tries to torch it, realizes that there's no cigarette left, looks at me and realizes I saw what just went on and we had a good laugh about it. It was one of those you had to be there moments. <br> <br> 6:47- All this buildup to this point, 6:47. It was like the extended by high and load we're all building up to this point, and the visuals dropped like a brick. I closed my eyes for a good minute or so and kind of drifted away and when I opened them I noticed long tracers coming off nearby dragonflies, intense flowy patterns on a stump next to my bench, and an overall crisp, HD like filter in my vision. Everything was so bright and clear, I was glad to join A in this journey now, and laid on my back looking into the clouds as he was again. The sky was so intensely blue and the sun was beating down on us. The clouds seemed to jolt to one side of my vision, and when I'd look at where it had moved to it'd jolt back to its original position. Very unique and stunning visuals for 200 mics, and I don't feel much stimulation at all, it's rather sedating if anything. <br> <br> 7:10- I've been lost in these visuals since I've gotten them. The sky is just amazing. Trees are amazing. Everything's just amazing. Music appreciation has gone through the roof, I feel absolutely blissful on this substance. The occasional butterfly would flutter right past my head and leave an imprint of 5 more that seemed to follow it. Tracers are great, I ask A how everything's going for him, and he tries to explain how the few dragonflies above us we're creating so many tracers for him that he thought there was a swarm. It didn't quite come out that way but I could tell what he was trying to say, oh, and in case you were wondering, there was only 3 dragonflies. <br> <br> 7:41- I'd been in meditation mode for the past half hour, sometimes eyes closed enjoying the incoming patterns of electricity like visuals rushing past my eyelids, sometimes enjoy the nature around us. There's not much more to say about our time in the park area, I had no change in headspace and was rather clear minded, but felt amazing and the visuals we're stunning. We decided to head back to the parking area so we'd be there when my girlfriend arrived to pick us up. Halfway down the path we encountered a kingsnake, as well as a baby alligator that was crossing the trail to enter the marsh on the other side. How rare that encounter must have been? While spotting a snake an alligator 2 or 3 feet walks past not 20 yards from us, unfazed by the fact that we were there. Pretty cool sight, only in the southeast. <br> <br> 8:40- After a stop or two we made it back to the parking area, and I called my girlfriend to pick us up, who said she'd be there in 15 minutes. We decided to wait on the nearby pier and spoke about trips we'd had way back and the visuals on this trip, while looking over the water, I shit you not, we spotted another alligator. This one had to have been 6 or 7 feet long. He laid motionless, his whole upper half of his body out of the water he was in, revealing to us how massive he truly was. We watched in awe until we saw the lights of my girl's car pulling up, and we got in for the rides home and told her our nature encounter stories. <br> <br> 9:26- Me and the girl are now back home after dropping A off at his house. I'm still tripping nicely at this point. Visuals still overlaying our countertop and wall textures, causing everything to morph around me. I gulped down a glass full of ice water, and that couldn't have been a worse decision. For some strange reason it was as if I felt the entire glass of water go down my throat and all the way through my body, the weirdest feeling I'd ever had. It landed like a rock in the pit of my stomach and immediately made me sick, I rushed to the bathroom only to dry heave for a good 15 minutes as I hadn't had anything to eat earlier that day. <br> <br> 9:46- After hovering the toilet bowl for what seemed like an hour, my stomach finally returned to normal. I decided to lay down on the couch and turn on a movie since my girlfriend had gone upstairs to read a book during my episode. I think to myself, what's something good to watch while on acid? Fear and Loathing? No, I've seen it too many times. Rick and Morty? Hell no, I'm not stooping that low. After looking online I decided on a movie called enter the void. I won't go in depth into the movie but it's on my must watch whilst tripping list now, low budget, but good storyline and great visuals. I was sucked into this 2 and a half hour film, and it passed by so fast that when I actually looked at my phone post-video. I didn't believe the time was correct. <br> <br> 11:21- The substance was now on a decline. It was different than the others whereas with them I felt drained once the chem started to wear away. I could just tell this substance was fading. I still never got a change in headspace or any introspection, the crispness in my vision just started to decline along with the fluid visuals. I decide to get in the shower, the warm water felt so amazing I actually sit down under the stream, enjoy what was left of the CEVs and really meditating, wishing I could bring them back at that point. This one has a more depressing comedown to it, not necessarily a sad feeling, but you just simply don't want the beauty in everything to fade. I dry off and head to the bed to join my girlfriend in sleep. <br> <br> 12:56- After an hour and a half of getting sidetracked by everything BUT sleeping I manage to force myself to bed. The visuals had gone to sleep and so had everyone on bluelight. Nothing more for me to do so I call it quits. <br> <br> My Guess: <br> ETH-LAD, no doubt in my mind, along with keeping a clear head throughout the whole trip, ETH LAD's visuals are very unique and as I defined it, 'crisp’. There's something about this chemical that's truly magical. <br> <br> 9:00- The morning after the 5th trial. I awoke to my alarm, letting me know I had an hour and a half till work, so I muttered a few curses in my half asleep stupor and slipped out of bed. I started breakfast for me and my girlfriend who had followed me downstairs with a piece of paper, which read: <br> <br> Trial 1: 1P-LSD <br> Trial 2: AL-LAD <br> Trial 3: ALD-52(1a) <br> Trial 4: LSD <br> Trial 5: ETH LAD <br> <br> For science, babe! <br> <br> <!--For those of you who stuck it through I really appreciate the read and would love to hear any feedback/questions you guys may have, -->I thoroughly enjoyed doing this blind test, and while they may seem drawn out and very basic trips, do remember that my regular dose of any Lysergamide is in the 4-600 mic area. While I do still get the effects under 200ug, I feel there's not really any 'magic’ left there for me. <!--Anyways, thanks once again!--> <br> <br> (tl;dr) <br> <br> Blindly took one of each Lysergamide: LSD, ETH LAD, AL LAD, 1P LSD, and 1A LSD. I was able to discern all but the 1A & original LSD, with I thought were one another after each trip with the two.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2017</td><td width="90">ExpID: 111016</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Sep 18, 2017</td><td>Views: 27,202</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=111016&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=111016&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">AL-LAD (603), ETH-LAD (688), 1P-LSD (682), LSD (2), ALD-52 (748) : General (1), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">10 st</td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I will say, first of all, this is an unusual trip report, as far as I can judge. As a first time experience, I did not approach it with anything other than my native curiosity. I did not prepare and was moreover quite radically unprepared, and the character of the trip was in any case overwhelmingly solipsistic and internal; as such I have included only scant details of set or setting and focused instead on the purely subjective. I did this because I felt this experience might have value for someone and I hope, with it, to help them understand something which perhaps they did not understand before, and which I am still trying to understand myself. What follows is as true a record as I can render of the most important thing that ever happened to me. <br> <br> ——— <br> Socrates said that the unexamined life was not worth living. By that logic, until LSD, I was barely alive - more of a somnambule going through the motions of sentience without training even a fragment of that light, that curious beam of consciousness, on myself. The first time - four tabs, alone at night - was one of the most intense and transformative experiences of my life. <br> <br> It began innocently enough: giggles walking home after holding the moist blotter under my tongue (as instructed) some 30 minutes before. Giggles and a slight, barely perceptible shift in the look and feel of things. <br> <br> The first alarm was looking, after getting home, at a poster on my wall. It was moving. <br> <br> After that, it all started to go wrong. Fear, panic overtook me. The walls my fragile little ego had built to shield it from everything else in my psyche melted under waves of neurochemistry like so much sand. All my fears and anxieties marshalled their forces and gathered menacingly at the borders. I lay down in bed, paralysed by the sheer force, the strangeness of it. Nothing can prepare you for how unutterably weird the psychedelic experience really is. It is quite literally ineffable, beyond any words, which is probably why psychedelic cliches are so common. It is easier to translate that weirdness into readymade sets of images and concepts, agreed upon by generations of trippers, than to attempt to set down your actual experience itself. Indeed, one of the chief values of LSD is its ability to reveal the staggering limitations of language to capture the quiddity, the whatness of life. (You may notice a great deal of this is going to be me saying how hard something is to describe. I know its a cop out. I’m trying my best.) <br> <br> So there I am, lying in bed clutching at the duvet like a child frightened of the monster beneath. <br> <br> Then, something happens. I step outside my thoughts, and the panic slowly engulfing them, and observe the whole show from outside. I find there is a part of me which is unaffected, which can look on dispassionately and simply analyse, record and consider this fear. I inhabit this mental space. I take all the fearful thoughts clamouring for attention and, one by one, turn them over in my hand like curious minerals. I realise that their clamour is the desperate clamour of an ego utterly petrified of itself - of itself! Not of anything, but of itself alone! The fears are my own creation. <br> <br> I wonder if I could remove them, but I find them oddly permanent. I initially think that perhaps I am not trying hard enough, or that I need more of the drug, but those thoughts immediately seem absurd. The fears are as much a part of me as anything else. <br> <br> That was the revelation that shook me. My fears weren’t bad, evil, to be eradicated. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">That was the revelation that shook me. My fears weren’t bad, evil, to be eradicated.</div></div> They were useful, the result of aeons of evolution, preening the response of the organism to an environment which included potential threats. Except that in our modern environment, which decidedly does not contain leopards, tigers and the perpetual possibility of imminent death, the fear-response, having nothing to do, was latching onto all sorts of mundane pseudo-problems in an effort to do its job properly. <br> <br> All these fears, then, had a common root. I tried to get to it, working my way down branched trees of concepts, looking for the source, the fear-response itself, the motive engine of anxiety. <br> <br> This seemed to take a long time, but at some point, I had what I would… hesitate… to call a vision, were it not so decidedly mystic in character. It was not a sight, or even a hallucination (anybody familiar with psychedelics knows they are not true hallucinogenics, you don’t really see things that aren’t there), it was something like an idea. I cannot explain in what sense I “saw” it, but this was indisputably so. It appeared to my mind, or my mind’s eye, with the perfect clarity of a real thing, only, somehow, even more real, even more substantial. <br> <br> It was a spider, or something like a spider-shape. My eyes were closed at this point, but I “saw” it on my chest. It was so unspeakably horrifying I can scarcely convey the aura of pure, primal terror that surrounded it. Gradually, slowly, it crawled from my solar plexus toward my neck. I was frozen to the spot, and wanted desperately to open my eyes, run from the room and into a cold shower and the bright light of morning and normalcy, but some part of me knew I absolutely must not do this. I also knew that I still had that part of me, the unaffected, observing part, which I could switch on if I needed to, but I felt like this experience needed to be lived through in its full potency. In order to understand this thing, I needed to feel it. <br> <br> Time by this stage is a myth, a rumour. Hours or minutes could have elapsed in the “creature’s” apparently interminable journey. For all I knew, I had been there for days. <br> <br> Then it crawled down my throat. <br> <br> I will pause for a moment here. I want you to read that sentence again. I want to convey something of the revulsion I felt in this moment. Not just fear, but revulsion. I was utterly disgusted by this thing, it was worthless, vile, contemptible, lickspittle, turncoat, coward, traitor. And as it slid and wiggled down my throat and into my stomach, I realised that, above all, I pitied it. <br> <br> This poor thing! I thought. Its entire existence given over solely to that which is beneath contempt, that which is horrid and hateful and loathsome and shameful! I was overwhelmed by the most unbelievable feeling of compassion and love for this thing, and I cried, I actually cried for it. I wanted to take it into my arms, hold it, tell it there was nothing to be afraid of, because above all, it was afraid, not me. I wanted to help it, and as I felt this, it moved from my stomach, passed through me and settled on my skin, and I realised it was no longer a spider. The spider-form had vanished. What was left was a tiny frightened, cowering child. It was me. <br> <br> In this moment, the pure, rapturous love and awe that swept through me was greater than anything, any emotion I had ever felt. I had glimpsed, I realised, a fraction of this light on MDMA, but that was like a candle compared to the sun I was feeling now. It encompassed everything, enveloped everything, illuminated and occluded in the same gesture. I opened my eyes for the first time since what felt like a very long time, but the feeling did not abate. The sun was rising. I opened the curtains. The world outside leapt out at me like a thousand friendly handshakes. I felt so, so alive, and I knew then I had gone through the most important experience of my life. <br> <br> It took me a long time afterward to process all this, to reintegrate it into my everyday life. I think in many ways I still am. But this experience was the catalyst, the hinge around which my whole world turned. I read a lot since, looking to make sense of the experience. Psychoanalysis, mysticism, religion, philosophy, neuroscience, biology… I know now that what I saw is what Jung called the Shadow. The part of us that is always watching, ready to do literally anything to protect itself. It is, by its nature, a coward, which is why it is so revolting, why it assumed the guise of a creature that frightened me (curiously, I am no longer wary of spiders). I saw how this thing was the root of conditions like PTSD, and more than anything else, I saw that everybody keeps this thing, this fearful infant dressed up like a horror, deep inside of them. You begin to see, when you realise this, how often people behave in accordance with its secret edicts, how often we appease the Shadow at the expense of those around us; and when you realise that, it becomes a lot harder to hate or judge anyone. <br> <br> I still do, of course, and more often than I’d like. Just knowing this thing is there doesn’t always loosen its hold on you. But you also realise that it is a thing of phenomenal, unstoppable power. In life-or-death situations, it keeps people fighting long after they thought they had no fight left. It cannot, and should not, be got rid of, but tamed (or at least half-tamed), and put to work for you, not against you. <br> <br> Achieving this is a long, difficult road, and one I suspect few people (sadly) ever even begin to walk. I am gradually realising that I will be walking it for the rest of my life, but maybe the goal isn’t as important as the journey. Maybe the point is just to walk.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 108316</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Not Specified</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Sep 29, 2017</td><td>Views: 7,141</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=108316&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=108316&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), First Times (2), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">200 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> <!--A report for my most recent acid trip. 
Background: I started writing this on the night of October 10, 2015 (and finished on October 17.) -->On Friday, the 9th, I turned 27 years old and I had already made up my mind to drop acid for the 15th time in my life. I should mention that this single tab was much stronger than I expected. Maybe more potent than any batch I had had in the past. <br> <br> Acid was the biggest turning point in my life, converting me from a hardcore atheist to a hardcore theist and then eventually to a tolerant agnostic. I’m still agnostic. When I lean toward believing in God I try to practice Sufism: in a nutshell, I seek harmony with everything in my life and see God physically embodied in music. When I lean toward atheism (more often than not,) I practice Buddhism: meditation, yoga, contemplation, seeking mental peace and clarity, alleviating the suffering of others. I frequently incorporate cannabis and stronger entheogens into my spiritual practices. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I frequently incorporate cannabis and stronger entheogens into my spiritual practices.</div></div> Frankly, at this point in my life, I don’t really care if God exists. I no longer believe that God’s presence directly affects me via déjà vu and synchronicity, etc. I believe in the inner divinity of the higher self and the teachings of the Buddha. My faith in the spirituality of Buddhism has been totally untouched from the moment I took acid 7 years ago to this day. That includes everything that happened during my trip when practically everything went away from me besides stark, unblinking awareness. <br> <br> - <br> Setting: It was a Friday and I took the day off so that I could have the rest of the weekend to recuperate and integrate my experience. I made plans with my friend to go out to the desert of Northern New Mexico with a few possible destinations in mind, but no explicit schedule. He agreed to drive me around for the day, and at 9am he arrived at my house to start the journey. <br> <br> Mindset: I was optimistic, but a little nervous. Since it had been so long since the last time I took acid I had no feelings of abusing it like I had in the past. I have been working on myself constantly in the intervening years. Spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially I have tried my best to achieve some stability. I was not really afraid of losing control or going insane. I have had bad acid trips in the past where this was my main preoccupation. On the drive I expressed to my friend that I had a few minor insecurities that may come up, such as the healthiness of my relationship, or my constant feelings of self consciousness. One of my only intentions was to let go of my overly controlling, anal retentive attitude. I managed to eat half a Clif bar before dosing. I wasn’t able to eat anything else until after midnight. I drank over a quart of SmartWater throughout the day. <br> <br> - <br> Time: 10:30am. We arrived at our first destination, a natural stone amphitheater. The dome is a hundred feet high or more, very wide, and very round. It’s like a bowl buried in the ground on its side. After a short and easy walk on the comfortable sidewalk, we arrived at an overlook. After a couple of quick experiments with various musical instruments to hear the echoes they threw, I decided to take one tab of the acid I had acquired last month. I looked straight up at the rim of the amphitheater and the deep blue sky. I was feeling excited. I placed the tab in my mouth. <br> <br> Coming up: While waiting for the blotter paper to come apart, I hopped over the guard rail and slid down a short hill to a little pit in the middle of the circle at the bottom. He and I carried our various instruments to this pit and laid them out to begin our experiments. I picked up a wooden bongo and played it in time with the echoes bouncing off the walls. We took turns playing my big frame drum that has a long, resonating tone. My didgeridoo didn’t reflect much sound because the space was too big and open and the tone too low. I began playing my octave mandolin and was very pleased by the sound. My friend took a short walk back down the sidewalk away from the pit to hear the echoes of my music. <br> <br> When he came back, we jammed for a little bit and amused the other tourists who came to the overlook to listen. There was a woman playing a flute with us for a while, too. I began to feel slight alterations in my state of mind while playing the mandolin. When I decided to put the instrument down and go for a walk, I noticed that I was definitely already in an altered state. I walked down the sidewalk while my friend continued to drum. The echo became more separated from his playing and more focused the farther I walked. I could still hear him clearly several hundred feet away. I marveled at the gorgeous weather and beautiful colors of rock all around me. The juniper trees were supernaturally green. <br> <br> I felt even more excited than before and sat down to do a brief meditation on a bench. A couple passed me and we said hi to each other. I was slightly worried they would think we were high if we interacted too much, so I waited a while before walking back. I had a slight trepidation about going back to the pit because of that. Eventually I started walking back, feeling not a whole lot higher than when I’d left. We played for a little while more and then packed everything up to go. We were at this first spot for about an hour and a half. It must have been nearly noon. <br> <br> - <br> Peak: We started our drive then to a remote monastery in the middle of a long canyon. We turned back onto the highway and took the 13 mile dirt road there all along the Rio Chama. The road was bumpy and the scenery was breathtaking. All the rocks were bright, colorful gradients: greyish yellow, pale to deep red, and dark grey to black. The landscape was littered with bright green juniper trees with indigo shadows. The road was tan dust. The sky was azure with small cloud spotting. There were also some wildflowers in a few bright colors. I remarked to my friend, “Rainbows everywhere!” Shadows were starting to shift hue and everything was jiggling with the motion of the car. I felt a steady surge of energy moving through my body and I pushed against the floor of the car to use my legs as shock absorbers. The wind was comfortable as it blew through the window and across my face. We were both feeling bold and adventurous. <br> <br> I had no appetite whatsoever. I knew I wouldn’t be able to finish my Clif bar any time soon. I was pretty good about drinking lots of water throughout the day, though. That was a good decision, because I could have easily gotten dehydrated in the desert on this sunny day. Especially when we were exerting ourselves constantly for several hours. The vibrating energy of the car was extremely pleasing for the few hours we were in it. It complemented my state of mind and the energy surging through my body. I felt grounded for the most part whenever we got out to walk around. <br> <br> We saw various other roads to our left leading down to the river, so we decided to drive down each one to see what was there. First we found a small boat landing. I took off my shoes and dipped my feet in the cool, sage-colored water. At this point I was ecstatic and we were both grinning and laughing constantly. I laid down on the slightly slanted concrete of the boat landing and soaked up the sun for a while, totally at peace. The thin wisps of clouds overhead began to dance and split into fractals. All the visuals I had throughout the day gave me a sense of expansion, patterns gliding cleanly in all directions. I started walking goofily under the inebriation. <br> <br> As we continued driving, my open and closed eye visuals became much stronger. They formed geometrically perfect fractals, tessellations, spirals, and other patterns. I saw what I thought to be indigenous Mexican motifs, like curving, rectangular eyes or leaves cascading from the bottom left to the top right of my vision. That pattern, hard as it is to accurately describe, pervaded my vision and thoughts for most of the day. It stayed with me throughout the peak and seemed to be opening out at either end to unlimited space within my head. <br> <br> I invoked the name of Ram Dass and remembered as he described a powerful LSD trip in which he lost all aspects of himself he had come to know so well. As each part of him left, he said to himself, “Well at least I still have my body.” And at that, even his body disappeared and he was nothing more than a point of awareness. When I thought about that, I too became a point of awareness watching all this happen. I wasn’t dissociated (sometimes I start to think that I don’t exist at all and begin to completely detach and panic, but not this time) because I knew that nothing had really changed. I still knew that I had a body, but it seemed like I no longer had an ego. I remarked that it seems like acid has the power to erode at everything about you but your core self. <br> <br> There was a sign that said Whirlpool. He said, “Whirlpool?? Do I even need to ask?” We took that road without hesitation. The dirt road became a labyrinth of winding paths with dead ends near the river. We never found a definitive whirlpool, but we spent a good amount of time driving around all the criss-crossing roads and ditches. His truck did not struggle at all. During this time, my vision shook loose. Now everything was moving at once. It was like looking through a slinky as the far end undulated in all directions. Every color was pushed to its extreme. More patterns, growing larger every minute, formed on the back of my eyelids. My mood was still happy and euphoric. Starting around this point and continuing for almost the whole day, I had a huge amount of restless energy in my jaw. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I had a huge amount of restless energy in my jaw.</div></div> I couldn’t stop opening it wider and wider. The energy kept my jaw chattering in the open position. It reminded me of a previous acid trip where I got severe nervous shivers/tremors and my teeth were chattering uncontrollably. This time it wasn’t so scary and I just dealt with it. It even added to my sense of wonder and amazement. <br> <br> Next we came to a campground. We passed a couple of families and their cars at their sites. We stopped at an empty campsite with a picnic table and walked down to the river again. My friend exclaimed that he’d found a rope swing hanging from the tree over the river. I cautiously climbed down, took my shoes off and placed everything that was in my pockets on the ground. I grabbed the rope. It took me a minute or so to find a good place to jump off. I put my foot in one of the loops, held onto the rope, and jumped from the ground out over the river, letting out a whoop. The rope was pretty uncomfortable, and the tree seemed a little flimsy, but it was a huge rush. It was just what I needed to get out of my head for a second. He pulled me in and I carefully got down to give him a chance to go. <br> <br> After he got down we sat on the river bank for a good while. I stared at a mountain on the opposite side of the river and watched it transform into a painting á la Van Gogh or Georgia O’Keeffe. It was constantly moving, the texture of detailed lines or brushstrokes shifting smoothly like the surface of the water. I recalled that I had very recently lost two of my best friends and that this experience was intended to honor them. I was doing my best to enjoy my life to the fullest while I had the time. All this struck me as overwhelmingly poignant and I cried a bit. <br> <br> We moved on and found a bridge. While walking out over the river, he was talking about the elements: water, fire, earth, wind. The river was rushing below us in grand spirals. Finally we decided to continue on the road and get to the monastery. Although we only saw a couple of cars on our way there, there were a few cars parked and people getting out as we got closer. The architecture was mind-blowing. The walls of the buildings were made from the same rock as the surrounding cliffs. The monastery both blended in and stood out from the landscape. Since I was still peaking, we both decided to just turn around and head back, having seen the monastery’s beauty. We had more fun on the drive there anyway. <br> <br> As we made our way back, we continued to marvel at the beauty of the canyon walls on either side, the mountains in the distance shimmering in the sun, the aspen trees that were bright yellow, the river and its power, and the huge array of colors everywhere. I wondered if it was all real. It seemed too perfect. I took slight consolation in knowing that, sober or tripping, I couldn’t be 100% sure that what I was perceiving was real. I do know that the point of awareness that I found out there was as real to me as anything could be, beyond all the subjectivity of perception. After the dirt road ended, we tried to visit a popular retreat center on the other side of the highway, but I decided I wasn’t comfortable around so many people. I had hoped to go for a hike there, but since that would involve putting on socks and hiking shoes I figured that would too difficult a task to perform around other people and that could make me panic. We turned around and went to our final destination: Abiquiu Lake. <br> <br> - <br> Denouement: We took the truck down to the cliff-jumping spot at one end of the lake. I got out and walked aimlessly around, indecisive. The red sand walls on all sides of the lake appeared to be shimmering and rippling in place. The water was deeper blue than the sky and covered in small waves. To our left was a small, dark cloud. Apart from that, the sun shone brightly through sparse white wisps and puffs of clouds floating just as aimlessly as me. Some of the clouds seemed to be the same shape as the trees and shrubs growing all around. My closed eye visuals were more abstract now. But when I laid out a blanket on the rock and stared up at the clouds again, they formed even more intricate patterns and moved around much more than they had before. I still had impressions of the eye-shaped pattern emerging from and covering everything I could see and then swimming across my field of vision. <br> <br> My friend decided to jump in the lake from the cliff right in front of us. I was in no real state to do the same. I was afraid that I would become confused as I hit the water, start to panic, and inadvertently drown myself. It was just a thought but I didn’t want to find out if there was any truth behind it. He said the water was very cold but he dried off quickly from the sun and the wind. At one point I needed to do some yoga on the rock. I had become too comfortable and needed to engage my body more consciously. Oftentimes things would get serious, or clumsiness or inability to speak my thoughts would present itself and threaten embarrassment. We laughed it off with folksy humor: “Aww shit!” or “Gosh darnit!” The good vibes were rolling in full force. They allowed me to flow on and not get stuck in anything negative. <br> <br> I remembered the sensation that I was all too familiar with: that an acid trip can make me think it will last forever. Not just because it has such a long duration and the power to distort time perception, but because it’s so subtle and sneaky. Just when I think it’s over, I see something that makes me think twice. It seemed for several hours that it was coming and going simultaneously. I was hit with constantly contradicting feelings of relief and overwhelming uncertainty. It was extremely disorienting and often a little frightening. Frequently at this point in the trip I lost all sense of time. <br> <br> We sat on the rock listening to some EDM that melded well with my state of mind. I noticed how lucky we were not to be disturbed by a single person the whole time we were there. It probably would have been difficult for me to handle. Sigur Rós came on a few times, adding even more beauty and awe to the experience. As far as tripping music goes, not much else comes close in my opinion. I was reminded of the poignancy and beauty of life again. I reminisced about one of the first times I came here. I was drunk, high, and tripping on mushrooms. I jumped off the cliff and went for a long swim. We went off-roading in his same truck. It rained beautifully on us. I had a glorious time. He remembered that day too. <br> <br> The visuals I got while at the lake were incredible. It was like a scene straight out of Natural Born Killers. At one point when I went to pee, I felt like everything was sliding sideways and stretching like taffy. When I was lying down on the blanket and my friend got up to talk about something, it looked like his contrast was turned up, the sky behind him ultra-saturated, his shades reflecting the image of me on the blanket. This whole time I saw tracers made of rainbows following behind everything that moved. His hands gesticulating wildly as he talked, it was like he was putting on a glow stick show for me in the middle of the day. When I looked at my own hands, they seemed fake. Beautiful rainbow trails followed every movement that I made with them. I looked down and saw with amazement that my body kept going, from my arms down to my torso, and then my legs and feet. This is my body, I told myself, only half believing it. I still had a steady connection to my single-pointed awareness, while everything around me was in constant flux. I was heartbroken that our species has allowed the Earth to become so sick. I had an intimation that while I’m alive I can envision my core self as being a river of light flowing through all aspects of myself out to everything that I do, and through all the implications those things have for others. When I die, perhaps, I will be nothing but a point in space, fully aware and immaterial. <br> <br> I guess it was probably around 3pm when we arrived at that spot, and 5pm when we started heading home. The dark cloud to our left slowly grew bigger and more threatening. It didn’t concern me much, but my friend wanted to make sure we didn’t have to go back up the hill in the rain. For that reason, we decided to leave once the sun went behind it. <br> <br> I wasn’t sure how I felt about leaving. Part of me was ready to go home, but part of me definitely wasn’t. I didn’t want to re-enter civilization. I wanted to spend the rest of the trip and the rest of my life in the wilderness. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I didn’t want to re-enter civilization. I wanted to spend the rest of the trip and the rest of my life in the wilderness.</div></div> I realized the struggle that implied and the hypocrisy of driving in a truck made from materials in a factory while decrying society’s faults. The drive back took a little over an hour. I got a definite sense that I was finally starting to come down. I had my first glimpse of my own sane mind in hours. I got a call from a couple of friends on the East Coast wishing me a happy birthday. My friend decided to pull over and pick up a hitchhiker on the highway, who hopped in the bed of the truck for the rest of the drive. <br> <br> I was seeing everything there was to see. Everything was crystal clear with bright colors, intense contrasts, and all the subtlety of a full-blown acid trip beginning to taper off. It was like I was seeing for the first time. I thought about something Terence McKenna once said, that taking psychedelics reveals the forms and patterns of the mind. It’s like dropping ink into some water and seeing how the convection currents are formed. As I let my mind wander and examine multitudes of little things, I saw paradoxes and dualities I was unaware of before. I tried explaining this to my friend. All the little things my mind came to were eventually elucidated by my newfound awareness. Where usually these thoughts are like clouds of confusion, psychedelics will often show me underlying patterns, and make certain things very clear to me. I say, “This makes sense now! All this other stuff doesn’t.” And I start to move in the right direction. Psychedelics have the power to demonstrate how sane thinking is fundamentally different from insane thinking. It’s bizarre how close our ordinary waking consciousness is to insane thinking. Society is like a mass psychosis. I realized that I want and need to do three things in life: take care of my body, take care of the planet, and allow my mind to go wherever it desires to go. When we got back to town, we finally stopped at a pharmacy so my friend could buy some beer. The hitchhiker took off. I put my instruments in the back of the cab with a little difficulty and messed around on my phone for a while until he came back out. <br> <br> My friend has recently moved to a new house. It’s bigger and better than his previous apartment, so we both figured it would be a great place to come down from a trip. I spent a long time trying to make up my mind about whether or not to go to a show at 7:30 that my girlfriend and I had tickets to. At around 6:30, I called her and on the phone I decided I shouldn’t go. It would be too overwhelming. I was still tripping harder than I’ve been in a long time. She didn’t sound too disappointed. It was unfortunate that I wouldn’t end up seeing her for the rest of the day, but within half an hour I realized that was definitely the right decision. <br> <br> After I thought I was mostly done with the acute effects of the trip, they came back strong. I sat down and we talked for a while about all the things I had thought about and felt. We listened to some of Modest Mouse’s new album. I was blown away by how psychedelic and fleshed out it was compared to their earlier albums. I was so grateful to have someone who was not only there for me for emotional and mental support throughout the experience, but who was willing to drive me around all day. I started drawing on some paper, eventually filling it in completely with abstract, fractal patterns. We climbed a ladder and got on his roof to watch the sunset. <br> <br> - <br> Next transition: We were about to start a game of chess, so I set up the board and sat down at the table. Suddenly one of his new neighbors knocked on the door. She was drinking a vodka and juice, and soon she skeptically asked about the chess board. I didn’t think she would understand. He and I tried our best to hint that maybe she should head home soon while not divulging anything too specific about our day to her just yet. She didn’t take our hints and instead stayed for a long time. I became a little uncomfortable because I was feeling very antisocial. I guessed that neither of us was comfortable telling her too much about our day. <br> <br> The two of them became very friendly and went outside for a cigarette. I sat down on the couch and opened to the first page of Herman Hesse’s Siddhartha, which he and I had talked about earlier. At the end of the first paragraph, my mind was changed. The last sentence of the first paragraph is, “ Already he knew how to recognize Atman within the depth of his being, indestructible, at one with the universe.” I knew that this was a direct reference to what I experienced all day, and still had access to: the point of unlimited awareness watching and guiding my body as it interacted with all around me. I put down the book and knew that I could be at peace with literally everything. She was, after all, no different from me, no different from anything in my environment, and finding peace with her was effortless. I put away my ego and decided to just be ready for anything that happened. That was a huge step toward letting go of my anal retentiveness. <br> <br> I started conversations with the two of them, and eventually she invited us over to her house across the street to meet her dogs. They were both very sweet. She made herself another drink and we headed back to my friend’s house. I expressed to him that I wanted to go somewhere. Like back out to the desert to look at the night sky, or even just for a walk around the block. He had been drinking already and told me he wasn’t good to drive. At one point I started trying to draw some of the tessellations I had seen earlier. She asked me what I was drawing and I gave her the cryptic answer that I had seen these patterns on the back of my eyelids. It’s not that I was afraid of what she would think if I told her everything, I was just having fun trying to push it as far as it would go before I did. After a while, the three of us started down the road to a walking path. No sooner had we started walking down the street than my friend’s brother showed up. He also lives at the house and had just come home from work. We told him we were going for a walk and he said he would try to follow us. <br> <br> My friend brought his longboard and began riding down the street. We got to the foot path and I welcomed the lower stimulation of darkness. His neighbor was playing the Doors on her phone. Then she switched to Jimi Hendrix. At one point we laid down to look at the stars. The Milky Way was clearly visible. My friend was drunk now and tried to get each of us to ride his longboard. In the dark, it was almost impossible. She ended up tripping and scraping her knee. She brushed it off and kept walking. I was trying to be helpful in any way that I could. I was now on a mission to be of service to everyone I met. I realized my own prejudices and assumptions were preventing me from making connections. She had been nothing but kind to me and I wanted to do the same. I eventually told her I had taken acid that morning. She had no problem with it and we had a short conversation about psychedelics. <br> <br> When we started walking back, we ran into my friend’s brother and their other friend. They both asked me if they could have some of my acid. I told them I could give them the number of the guy I got it from but that what I had was for me. I didn’t want to deal with other people coming up on what I’d just had. I just wanted a nice, clean comedown. They didn’t seem to have the respect that I had for it. Not to be self-righteous, I just didn’t want anything negative to happen to them on my account. I was ok with taking on their karma and them taking on mine, but their karma while tripping acid was something else entirely for the state I was in. <br> <br> We got back to the house, more people showed up, and it turned into kind of a small party. I was not feeling it. Everybody was drinking and talking loudly. Even though I still had a strong connection to my single-pointed awareness and the urge to be in harmony with everyone, my senses were overwhelmed. I tried to communicate to my friend how I was feeling, and we had some moments of connection, but by now he was really drunk and having a good time. He climbed up onto the adobe awning over his porch. Since he does a lot of bouldering, he has his own crash pads, so he decided to jump onto them rather than climb down. When he was finally down I said goodbye to everyone and got a ride home from his housemate. On the drive back to my house I described as much of my trip as I could. Later I found out my friend had cut his ankle while climbing onto the awning. <br> <br> - <br> Final descent: When I got home, my dogs went crazy. It was around 12:30 in the morning and they’d been alone for a few hours. My girlfriend had decided to spend the night at her friend’s house. I needed some time alone. I realized I hadn’t had any time alone all day. I did a little bit of cleaning and gave the dogs some attention, but they were too excited to cuddle. I was worried about them playing too rough and hurting each other, but I decided to have faith in them and just let them get their energy out so we could sleep later. They were fine. I boiled some water for tea, but I couldn’t definitely conclude that I had any decaf in the house, so I just relaxed with some hot water. I made a special “Comedown” playlist on my computer. It was like hearing music for the first time. While this sensation is very common on acid, I was still taken aback by the clarity of the music, wishing to experience it all the time. At 1am I sat down and recorded a video of myself talking about my day and my experiences for a minute or two. I barely scratched the surface. I made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and finally realized just how hungry I was. Still, my stomach would only accept so much food at one time. <br> <br> I found myself thinking about things I’d never thought about before and making connections that I’d never seen before. This stage lasted a long time, during which I was awed by the power of my experience and enchanted by the subtlety of life. At 3:15am I sat down and recorded another video monologue, this time about half an hour long and covering chakras and my thoughts about them. I also talked about my thoughts on becoming a better person through awareness and effort, and various stray ideas that occurred to me during the day. I consider myself extremely lucky to have had this experience despite my trepidations about taking acid. But I believe it was a combination of luck and divine grace that allowed me to see beyond myself and ultimately have the transformative, life-changing experience I had hoped for. I do see that it can be possible to consciously integrate the divine presence of a higher power into one’s life without buying wholesale into a theistic ideology. I felt a huge relief as I finished recording this video, ending it with the line, “Everyone is worthy of love, so love them.” <br> <br> I realized despite my insecurities about myself, my relationship, my friendships, and my beliefs about the universe, nothing ended up cropping up to cause me anguish throughout the day. I know that I love my girlfriend, I love our dogs, my friends, and this opportunity to live that I’ve been blessed with. I want what’s best for everyone, regardless of how many separate realities that might imply. How healthy all of my interactions with others are depends heavily on me, but at a certain point it’s beyond my control. I found peace with this, my power to help others and my powerlessness to save others. <br> <br> At 4:00am I got some messages from another friend who is struggling to accept himself. I called him up and offered some insights I had gained that day. I was still feeling at peace with the universe and wanted to relieve suffering in any way I could. I said if he wanted me to, I would mediate things between him and another of my friends. I think he was in a better place when we hung up the phone. I went to bed shortly thereafter. I was still not at 100% sober, baseline consciousness, but I was too exhausted to go on. My dreams were normal, but below the level of awareness where I could remember and describe them afterward. <br> <br> - <br> Next day: I woke up the next morning completely sober, back to ordinary reality, with a slight headache I attributed to not eating for almost the whole day. I stuck with my plan to remain absolutely sober for over 24 hours after the event. It gave me a great opportunity to reflect on and integrate the entire experience. I talked with a friend on the East Coast for a long time about a range of things. Again I shared insights with her, sought to relieve her suffering, and in the end, I think she was in a better place after we talked. I achieved a level of effortless grace. I knew exactly what to say to do the most good and the least harm. I was truly humble. I wish I could have stayed there longer. Eventually I was firmly back in my comfortable, familiar ego space, despite the experience I thought would last forever. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">Eventually I was firmly back in my comfortable, familiar ego space, despite the experience I thought would last forever.</div></div> I had only brief glimpses afterwards of the egoless space of utter awareness that I was in for such a long time. Things gradually resumed their ordinary patterns, but with a greater lightness and reverence than before. <br> <br> I’ve tried my best to illustrate every aspect of the experience that I can remember. It’s now been just over a week and I’m grateful for every moment. <br> <br> Background: My first 14 trips occurred within a timespan of 3 years between 2008 and 2011. I hadn’t taken any acid in the 4 years since then, but I have been taking low doses of psilocybin pretty frequently in that time. In 2015 I averaged one psilocybin trip per month and I smoked weed more or less daily. <br> <br> I’ve had a total of about 200 psychedelic trips in my life, mostly with psilocybin. I’ve smoked Salvia about 50 times, smoked DMT 8 times, and drunk San Pedro juice once.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2015</td><td width="90">ExpID: 107228</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 27</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 7, 2017</td><td>Views: 3,783</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=107228&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=107228&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Nature / Outdoors (23), Music Discussion (22), General (1), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">63 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> To begin this report, I would like to start by mentioning that my journey into the deep word of psychedelic and mind-expanding substances started at the age of 18. First psychedelic I ever used was LSD, at a dosage far greater than I should've had for a beginner. <br> <br> In fact, most of my other trips have had a tendency to 'go bad' one way or another, but not inexplicably. It's very apparent to me that all of my bad trips were mostly due to having mixed different substances together, I was in a place I didn't feel safe, I was afraid people would judge me or I would be in an already negative mindset before experiencing the drug(s). Those times really made me figure out things about my psyche and personality that until then were dark, so I really cherish them as a lesson. <br> <br> But those times are not what this report is meant for. In between when I first tried acid and now I have had several psychedelic experiences and I would safely say that I have grown accustomed to them. Last time I tried it, was by far my favourite. I loved it so much that I wanted to have it written down while it's still fresh in my head and then go through it as many time as I liked. <br> <br> To get all the important pre-trip background info out of the way, we (me and my boyfriend) tripped inside my house, approximately at 15:00 until about 01:00 when we finally slept, but effects really started to wear out noticeably after 8-9 hours of ingestion. Psychologically my mood was in a calm, happy state, I wasn't worrying about much really, I had accomplished some important life goals and was looking forward for this experience, to enter the psychedelic world after a long time. Before ingesting the tab, we had a warm, relaxing bath and had eaten a bowl of cereal approximately 2 hours before. <br> <br> When the effects started kick in, my boyfriend was playing video games and I was internet surfing. Gradually I started noticing some changes in the lights, it was as if someone had been messing with the the brightness, turning it higher on. My head felt warm, as if I was sick (I wasn't) and my heart was racing. I also felt very nauseous, but I didn't throw up. Then, I got up from the sofa and started browsing around the house. Body felt heavy and visually I could see light trails, but no distance or size distortion, as in, objects did not seem further, longer etc from what I originally perceived them to be. Colours seemed more vibrant and looking outside the world had an 'electric' feel to it, sometimes my vision would get blurry by all the objects' trails, but in general everything was visually crisper, like my vision jumped to high definition. <br> <br> Music played a huge part during the whole experience and really helped set the tone. We listened to all kinds of genres, from psychedelic rock classics, lo-fi to classical, but mainly gravitated towards psytrance, minimal electronic beats and funny or psychedelic music videos. The songs all seemed to coincidentally be about tripping, or we were thinking that all the artist that played them were on drugs. That really cheered as up! <br> <br> The first hours of the trip weren't all that great, nothing 'interesting' was happening and the visuals were just mild, also a constant feeling of uneasiness and fear accompanied me. I was having illogical thoughts, mainly that my trip would go bad like all the other times and that my neighbours could hear everything I was doing/saying. But as I was moving closer towards the peak of the experience, I tried to calm myself and abolish such thoughts, by using reasoning, although that last thought of everyone inside a certain km radius could hear us trip sadly accompanied me all throughout the trip. <br> <br> The more acute effects hit us simultaneously. Time at moments felt to slow down, music felt pulsing through my body, making me move in a very senseless, deliberate way. I started seeing very distinct hexagonal patterns. At some point, my boyfriend asked me if I felt euphoric, as in if the drug made me feel better and I clearly remember answering that the drug didn't really pushed me into happiness, in a way some stimulants or other psychedelics do. On the contrary, it seemed to enhance what I was already feeling, it expanded on what I was already thinking. It didn't abolish negative thinking, I just had to focus on the bright side or I had to reason my way out of them. I was very in touch with my self, my boyfriend and the world around me, I was more connected to everything than ever. It was easier to see the funny side of many concepts, even death, which I regularly struggle to deal with. It felt so easy to laugh, in fact we were smiling all the way throughout the trip, which is remarkable. I cried so much during this too, out of pure bliss, a state of being that not even the purest MDMA had ever provided. We also teared up because of the extreme pupil dilation. <br> <br> That state could better be described by moving and dancing than words. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">That state could better be described by moving and dancing than words.</div></div> So through dance we expressed our blissfulness. We danced to psytrance beats, which felt almost ancient and eternal. We were shuffling, I was doing what I could best describe as happy-walking, while playing with my arms and hands making symbols with my fingers. We were screaming and chanting, hugging, our bodies intertwined. Until we had finally reached a point when we wanted to move/dance but were physically exhausted. I remember feeling that at that moment, the wanting to express more, the will to experience more, more and more! The way our bodies smelled, the heat, the sweat, how we were gasping for air. All of that was the psychedelic experience, that couldn't possibly be reduced to simple wording. It was at that moment were I experienced such heavy visuals that I was 'blinded' of my vision of my surroundings for some seconds, I think my eyes went a little to the back of my head. It was blissful, almost mystical. I sat right across to my boyfriend, this time I chose to close my eyes and let the visions wash over me, for a short time. Sometime we lied across the floor, music still playing, looked at the ceiling and felt as if we were in a festival, but really our house was all we needed. Ohm symbols were reportedly witnessed by the both of us. <br> <br> What pushed the trip into negative directions at times, was a discomfort I was feeling in my bowels, due to IBS that I was recently diagnosed with. Also the aforementioned fear that my neighbours could hear me trip and the fact that we hadn't eaten anything in several hours. We only drank stupid amounts of water (1.5 litres each). I was fearing food would worsen the cramps I was having at times, also food had never tasted good while on acid before. At around 22:00 my boyfriend could't handle the hunger and made us 2 toasted ham and cheese sandwich. The smell was amazing and toasted cheese tasted otherworldly delicious. That might seem ridiculous, but acid really made me feel 'in the moment', appreciate even the tiniest of sensations, feeling grateful for the simplest of things, in this case eating a ham and cheese sandwich. I could eat so much more but again, I was afraid I'd worsen my condition. <br> <br> Physical exhaustion finally got the better of us and at around 00:00 we laid in bed, trying to sleep, while still light tripping. My boyfriend didn't have trouble falling asleep, I on the other hand turned to the help of xanax (1 pill) to help me relax. The next morning I realised I should've just been a little more patient with me and not take it, as I felt my head heavier than usual, a sensation not normally felt after a day of acid use, for me. <br> <br> The following days I experienced an afterglow effect of feeling more connected with the environment and the people I hang out with. The bond I share with my boyfriend also strengthened. For now, I am looking forward to form more psychedelic memories and try to make them as beautiful as this was for me and my significant other, not rushing to the next trip though.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2018</td><td width="90">ExpID: 111678</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 6, 2018</td><td>Views: 7,988</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=111678&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=111678&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Retrospective / Summary (11), Glowing Experiences (4), Music Discussion (22), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3.5 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">130 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> T0:00-Took 2 tabs of acid in a beach house. Leave to go to the beach shortly after. <br> <br> T1:00-Coming up on the acid on the beach-mostly slight body effects such as the familiar feeling of floating. There are shafts of light piercing through the clouds and the entire sky and sea are dancing with patterns. Colors are brighter and everything seems to have a rainbow sheen. Friends decide to go to a diner. <br> <br> T1:30-Perception of sound is very strange in the diner with sounds phasing in and out around me with a sort of Doppler Effect. Patterns are swimming and swirling on every surface, people’s faces are slightly shifting. Everyone looks very very strange- although they are not deformed, it’s as if the human face as it is had suddenly stopped being a familiar and accepted image and became something strange and alien. After lunch I go into the bathroom, where the visuals have become quite apparent- the walls are swirling and swimming around me, pulsing and breathing with harmonious and flowing patterns. <br> <br> T2:20-Leave the diner and go back to the house. I’m getting the awkward social interaction I usually get from acid where I’m hyper aware of my own voice and inflection and in doing so completely lose a sense of how to use tone or inflection properly. Sunlight is filtering in through the windows, colorful rainbow wood grain patterns breathe and emboss themselves on the walls, I feel floaty, confident, euphoric, and my jaw is clenching. I feel awkward and am having trouble articulating sentences and finding the right words to use, so I retire to a quiet hallway to draw pictures by myself. <br> <br> T4:00-The acid trip is tailing off. I can really only feel the physical effects anymore. Visuals and emotional effects are only noticeable if I try to notice them. At this point we’re waiting for the sun to go down so we can smoke weed. My social skills have mostly returned and I feel comfortable and euphoric in the presence of friends. <br> <br> T5:00-The sun is down. We are preparing to go to the beach to smoke. I decide now is the time to take my mushrooms. I eat them with orange juice as a chaser across a period of about 15 minutes and then head to the beach. We struggle to light the bowl in the strong winds but eventually find a way and smoke several bowls. <br> <br> T5:20-I sit down on the beach and stare out into the vast ocean. I can feel my body growing heavier and numbing away as the visuals begin to pick up. Tessellated spiral patterns mirror themselves on the sand and my entire field of vision appears to be mirroring itself and repeating. The light of boats on the horizon are beaming and swirling into the sky. I go back to where my friends are and sit down as they have intense and serious discussions about politics. I wish I could’ve participated but my brain was processing their words in a way that was ineffective for response and comprehension. Whenever I would talk, my voice would sound isolated and dreamy before trailing off into nothing. <br> <br> T5:40-The conversation has shifted to the future, the scope of human progress, the entirety of humanity and its fate, the scope of our universe, of time, of everything leading up to now and everything to come. This is an amazing conversation to be having while on mushrooms and I am more actively and eagerly participating. Human constructs come up a lot, and there is a lot of talk about a new paradigm built from radical reinvention of what we consider human, about utterly dismantling every social and cultural construct and society built anew, aided by technology. As they discuss this, I look to the sky- rippling, pulsing, and exploding with the energy of time and the potential of the future. The town in the distance glows with glorious artificial light of the modern human, the entire earth is expanding around us. The great sky and the expanse of space above me, the vastness of nature on one side, the monuments of humanity on the other. I feel like a small little being on this great planet as it hurtles through time and space. As we talk, my friends begin to glow with auras, my depth perception fails and my entire vision is one flat plane with my friends amidst a sea of swirling, spinning dancing fractals and astral forms. <br> <br> T6:10-I stand up because I need to pee really badly. Everything is downhill from here. Once, several months ago, I took Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds, and ever since then I’ve been afflicted with an occasional pulsing, tingling pain and a numbness on the inside of my thighs and all down my legs. I think I caused permanent vasoconstrictive damage. I feel it again this time, but very intense, probably from sitting in the same position with my legs folded for so long. I walk to the sea to pee in it. As I stumble forward with my throbbing aching legs I get the worst feeling of ominous premonition. I feel déjà vu, like I’ve experienced this in a dream, and it was my final moments. The patterns in the sand carved by the waves begin to mirror and swirl and tessellate to infinity. Each step feels like I’m stepping not on sand but on something solid, like wood, and it feels like the blood is hardening inside my body. I have had premonitions and feelings of coming death while tripping before, and each time it is accompanied by a swirling metallic sound, a sort of whining, with swings in pitch, and each step I take, that dizzying noise fills my ears and bounces around the sounds of the waves. This is it. This is my final trip. This is the one that kills me. I have deep vein thrombosis, my blood will clot in my legs and I will collapse into the sea and die. Normally I can keep calm while feelings of death come on, I accept it as a consequence of my actions, and even while I think that, it still triggers a physical panic response in me. As I pee, my friend runs around me, saying all sorts of things, I forget what they were and they were most likely friendly in nature, but I construe them as negative and malicious. <br> <br> T6:20-I still don’t feel like I’ve totally lost control. I go back to where my friends are. The word bad trip is coming in my mind, I can feel the tendrils of ill thoughts, infinite loops, and unstoppable chains of negative ideas seeping into my brain, spreading like a cancer. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I can feel the tendrils of ill thoughts, infinite loops, and unstoppable chains of negative ideas seeping into my brain, spreading like a cancer.</div></div> Have you ever played the game with someone where you keep putting your hands on top of one another, infinitely topping each other? That is what my thoughts were doing, flowing from infinity right into one another, each one building on the last in an infinite untraceable stream, and I would keep having to cut off the chain of thought when the negativity began to creep in, cut if off before it consumed me. This was only sort of effective. <br> <br> We begin to walk back to the house. I need to get back, I need to lie down, I need somewhere warm and calm and safe to gather myself before things get worse. One vivid visual I remember is my friend running towards me. He seemed like he was going absurdly fast, like in an old movie. As he ran, his face multiplied until his entire body was just his face over and over again in the shape of his being. This was then replaced by his hands, until he became a running mess of extremities. As we walk back, I begin to have the racing thoughts of memories I get while on tryptamines. Only unlike other times, where every memory is warm and pleasant, these ones are cold and unwelcoming, I can only think of how uncomfortable I have been, how tedious every moment of existence is, how I will never feel good or comfortable and never have. I can only think about the cold negativity of every moment of my past, the bad drowning out any good. My heart has been racing this entire time. <br> <br> T6:40-We get back inside. I do not recall what happened much, I remember walking around the house. I wasn’t in full suffering mode yet, but was facing a brutal existential crisis. Everything feels so wrong, so uncomfortable, there is so much suffering in the world and everyone feels so much suffering, and there is no way to avoid it. Any potential future I envision is filled with more tediousness, more unfulfilling mediocrity, more pain, more draining crushing depression and debilitating self-loathing. It’s completely inescapable and all I can do is laugh at my total despair. I sit next to a table, it looks alive, it feels alive, I can sense a life force in it. The corner looks like a huge grinning mouth. Normally while tripping I can appreciate the beauty in that, but in this instance my racing negative thoughts are giving me a headache and this living table is just a reminder of what I have done to myself. It only serves to incite even more painful thoughts. <br> <br> T7:00- I sit in a room. A large group of people are having a spirited discussion about something I know a good bit about. I wish I could join but I can barely form words at this point. I feel even worse about this, I feel stupid and useless, I feel like I am condemned to always be stupid I useless. I am the fool, the jester who decided to take too many drugs in the presence of people who were content with weed and alcohol, the dunce who decided to silence himself and stifle his own thoughts in pursuit of hedonism. <br> <br> I sit and listen, barely comprehending the English language, before the discomfort and painful thoughts boil over. All I can think about is suffering. There is so much human suffering. In history people have experienced such incredible pain, physical, mental, emotional, and so often at the hands of the malice of others. And what could they do about it? They certainly weren’t able to stop themselves from feeling that pain, because it happened, because suffering is real and unavoidable, especially when some are purposely trying to inflict it on others. And I certainly wouldn’t be able to stop any suffering that came my way. I was lucky, I was fortunate that nothing terrible ever happened to me, I was lucky that I had never been dismembered or set on fire or beaten or tortured or maimed in a car accident, but it was such a fine line between my current life and that. And I was powerless. Completely and utterly powerless to stop any of that. And I was powerless to stop myself thinking about it, I had unwittingly opened a new paradigm, one where I could understand nothing but suffering, where every moment was experienced relative to the potential suffering I could be experiencing. So many terrible painful things could happen. I remember vividly, someone could run into this house, some madman, find me on the floor, rip off my fingernails, crush my limbs, splinter my bones, splatter my muscles, rip my organs apart, and what the fuck could I do to stop them? I was so vulnerable, I was so weak, I was so powerless, and because of that, incredible suffering felt inevitable, I had a premonition that my life in the future would be suffering I couldn’t even imagine at the current time. <br> <br> T7:30-I run upstairs, I feel sick, I feel like my body is shutting down and I am losing control of my organs. I lock myself in the bathroom. I spend the next half hour sitting on the toilet, wishing this could end. Why did I do this, why did I ever enjoy tripping? I feel as though this trip has opened my eyes to a realm of anguish the likes of which I had never seen before. I would never be able to view the world in a pleasant away again, I had doomed myself to a bleak life of knowing only the yawning and infinite chasm of despair that I had dared to gaze into. I sat on the toilet, shaking violently, wanting to escape this burden of existence somehow, though I knew death would not even be an escape. Literally everything I could think about was crawling with negativity, there was a downside to every possible option that overpowered and destroyed any potential good side. My thoughts were racing and every single one hurt. I begin to imagine every fleeting moment, how exact and precise every occurrence in the world was. Normally, while tripping, I would appreciate the beauty of this, like thinking about a certain thing in a certain situation, how that would happen just once, and never happen again, how every specific instance swirled forth from the chaos. But instead of appreciating each moment, I cried in the tragedy of their fleetingness and their death, and in mourning for the astronomical amounts of moments that would never ever happen ever, for the ones that never did happen, for the ones that weren’t happening, for the ones that happened and never will happen again. The unfulfilled desires that would be impossible to ever fulfill, the missed opportunities and perpetual failures. I heard voices from downstairs having the same spirited discussion, and again and again I hear my name coming from downstairs, they’re talking about me, they know I fucked up, etc etc (I doubt anyone actually said my name once). <br> <br> I suddenly realize, what if someone else wants to use this bathroom? I decide to suffer in my existential crisis out in the hallway. People come upstairs and find me for the first time. Despite me saying I’m okay, they can tell something is wrong, and offer to bring me water. They are nothing but friendly, loving, accommodating. I feel sick, but this calms me down a bit. <br> <br> T8:00- I go back downstairs for some awkward social interaction. My speech and language capabilities are still subpar, and I am having great difficulty explaining how I feel, what I just felt, and making conversation in general. My memory fails me as my thoughts jump and chain around, causing me to lose track of conversations mid-sentence. Visuals are dying down, but the perspective and size of the room still feels totally out of whack. <br> <br> T8:30- More friendly, loving, caring interaction slowly pulls me out of the negative chains of thought. I am no longer meticulously and consciously thinking and wrangling every bit of stimulus and every action. My automatic thought returns and it’s a huge burden off my mind. My thoughts are no longer blossoming into toxic tendrils of negative possibilities and wicked pain and a bleak and hopeless future, they now blossom into warmth and considerations of a pleasant future and good things to come. The storm has passed, the sickness is over. <br> <br> T10:00-I smoke more. Nothing to note, everything has calmed down, people are going to bed, I am still wired from the acid and stay up later. I feel confident, warm, happy, and energetic. I thoroughly clean the house while everyone is sleeping just to make myself useful and make up for being an incoherent basket case most of the night. <br> <br> T12:00-I lie down to sleep. Visuals are still slightly playing if I pay attention to them-a rippling of everything that looks like the waves of heat rising off a hot surface. I eventually fall asleep.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 110553</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 23, 2018</td><td>Views: 15,161</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=110553&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=110553&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Mushrooms (39) : Combinations (3), Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">75 ug</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:35</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">25 ug</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:20</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">50 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/chlorpromazine/">Pharms - Chlorpromazine</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Eugene Seaich 1959-60 <br> <br> From The Book The Far-Off Land. <br> March 5, 1986 <br> <br> 11:25 am <br> <br> Took 75 mcg. Lysergic acid diethyl amide. <br> <br> <br> 11:45 <br> <br> Slight withdrawal beginning, <br> rather definite euphoria noticable. <br> <br> 12:00 <br> <br> Very intense euphoria. <br> <br> 12:05 <br> <br> Rapid onset of symptoms. <br> Slightly intoxicated feeling. <br> Narrowed vision. <br> <br> 12:20 <br> <br> Waves of elation and pure bliss. <br> Euphoria has grown steadily since taking drug. <br> little change in perception <br> <br> 12:30 <br> <br> Euphoria almost overwhelming. <br> Great tension and elation, <br> Physical sensation one of ecstasy. <br> <br> 12:40 <br> <br> hyperreflexia, even greater pleasure. <br> First notice that lights are slightly brighter. <br> Ate lunch. <br> <br> 1:00 <br> <br> Took an additional 25 mcg. of LSD. <br> Feel peak of elation, euphoria. <br> Colors beginning to play their fantastic illusory images around <br> a periphery of vision when I quickly cast eyes across field. <br> Stroboscopic patterns on occasion. <br> Listening to music, note that the contrapuntal lines are more acute. <br> Intricacies of music in clearer detail than ever able to notice before, <br> as if 'hi-fi' were in even greater fidelity. <br> Warm, rich bliss. <br> I have needed reassurance of this sort, <br> for some time, <br> that pleasure and happiness is indeed this possible. <br> Pencil begins to act by itself. <br> As yet, little alteration of consciousness, <br> only heightened enjoyment of present mode of reality. <br> <br> 1:35 <br> <br> Withdrawal tendencies alternate with perfect normality. <br> Colors are now rich, deep and lovely. <br> the textures of surfaces seem richer than ever before. <br> A face on a magazine on a magazine seamed real, <br> changing, variously smiling. <br> <br> 1:40 <br> <br> First signs of hallucinated dreams and visions with eyes closed. <br> Daylight seams splendid and pulsating. <br> First physical euphoria going into psychic effects. <br> All colors in room are vivid, deep, full of subjective richness, <br> especially wood-grains, carpentry furniture. <br> Mood would be pensive, <br> were it not for elation and nervous stimulation. <br> <br> 2:00 <br> <br> Confusion and bustle in house keeps me constantly in touch with reality, <br> dispels tendency to savor experience. <br> Could be seeing visions now, if were allowed. <br> Note perspiration for first time. <br> Waiting for caller to arrive and leave--due in half-hour. <br> Intolerable urge to have visit done with so as is to enjoy experience. <br> <br> 2:20 <br> <br> According to previous accounts, <br> I should now be at peak of experience, <br> which would be so, <br> were it not for waiting out this damn interruption! <br> Mood to now intensely euphoric, <br> all bright, pleasant; here I sit, <br> waiting for opportunity to enjoy it! <br> Have been up and about through out. <br> <br> <br> 2:30 <br> <br> <br> Sat down in retirement for a while--ability to dream is pronounced. <br> Kaleidoscopic fancies very subdued, <br> due to anxiety of expected visit. <br> <br> <br> 2:50 <br> <br> <br> Can now have a while to myself!-- <br> <br> <br> 3:00 <br> <br> <br> Too late! <br> Height of syndrome passed while unable to enjoy it. <br> No color heightening, synesthesia, visions, ect. <br> Euphoria mild now, <br> pleasant, <br> but has no particular novelty. <br> <br> <br> 3:45 <br> <br> <br> Thank god! <br> There is something left in nervous system! <br> When I lay alone on couch, <br> I had splendid dreams and scintillations <br> (though not as striking as they would have been earlier). <br> Felt if I was solid rock lying on bed, <br> bursting with atomic energy. <br> Matter-and-energy-image all splendid and luminescent. <br> Saw self hurled by atomic explosion out into the cosmos, <br> past uncountable galaxies of light and beauty. <br> Geometric patterns of color fluttered past in unbelievable profusion and delicacy. <br> Feel very withdrawn, intoxicated. <br> <br> <br> 4:00 <br> <br> <br> Light! Pure light! <br> Just to sit and stare into translucent being! <br> New interruption on phone. <br> <br> <br> 4:10 <br> <br> <br> Sitting in kitchen, <br> gathering my thoughts. <br> Colors are vivid and fresh. <br> Feel equilibrium between self and reality, <br> with general acceptance of objective world on its own terms. <br> Have again felt childhood lurking beyond the horizon, <br> enticing me back, <br> but with lessened persuasiveness. <br> Beauty in life has indeed for me equated with childhood; <br> reality on this spring day is self-sufficient, <br> must be accepted in order to go on. <br> Disenchantment has no terrors. <br> Somehow, <br> whole of day's experience has been subconsciously pervaded with <br> Kerouac's novel, <br> which I just read. <br> It seemed in visions I was reliving the frantic, <br> masculine search for adventure and meaning; <br> that meaning was to have been soft, feminine, <br> a realization of all life's longings, <br> but it was hard, bony and masculine, <br> therefore restless, <br> tortured, unfulfilled! <br> That is essence of male's being! <br> We long to be hermaphroditically united with feminine, <br> mother, women, sweetheart, <br> for softness to complete our masculine torment, <br> to be caught up in some higher unity, <br> which I see in vision as life, <br> childhood, adulthood, matter, energy, womanness, maleness, <br> on cosmic scale. <br> <br> <br> 4:25 <br> <br> <br> The enemy in life is the intellect, <br> the cold, analytical intellect! <br> I can feel it gnawing away at beauty and turning it into stone, <br> like an acid spot eating out through a pea-cock and <br> mother-of-pearl fabric. <br> We have no ability to believe; <br> we only know, <br> and in this life, <br> that is not enough. <br> All around me in the warm, <br> moist air are recollections of the past, <br> which my monster-brain repells. <br> Oh, this is all a farce, <br> trying to pretend that anything extraordinary is happening. <br> I can't see how other persons could get undone by LSD. <br> I can't go far enough! <br> <br> <br> 4:30 <br> <br> Pleasant, <br> harmonious feeling of being suspended in time, <br> space and meaning. <br> Neutrality is essence of the reunified halves of existence! <br> But living, pulsing neutrality, <br> fire from within, <br> divine force in perfect harmony. <br> <br> <br> <br> 4:45 <br> <br> <br> Oh bliss and ecstacy of sheer reality, family, possession! <br> Colors of cloth (children's new coats) dazzling and jewel like. <br> A mood of elevated, calm and tranquility. <br> Experience this time has been through out on a level of sheer ordinariness, <br> therefore real and divine, <br> not one of fantasy and other-world hauntings. <br> Merely sit and survey all with rejoicing, <br> noting ordinary shapes, sounds, and colors, <br> all good and tangible and rich. <br> This has been an uplifting testament of reality; <br> the LSD intoxication, <br> by being tangled with dross, <br> eventually elevates the ordinary and affirms it. <br> <br> <br> 4:50 <br> <br> <br> Took 50 mg. of Thorazine. <br> <br> <br> 5:15 <br> <br> <br> Oh warm joy and tranquil happiness! <br> Having a cup of tea, <br> listening to Parsifal Good Friday Music. <br> The sheer, outpouring affirmation of my mood and music indescribable! <br> Colors all bright, serene, the music peaceful; <br> body warm, relaxing and euphoric. <br> <br> <br> 5:45 <br> <br> <br> Lying here in my mother-of-pearl chamber, <br> listening to Strauss's Vier letzte Lieder. <br> The beauty of this experience makes these stupid words useless and superfluous. <br> How beautiful music can be, <br> and how wonderfully the emotions can be molded by it; <br> this fact beyond description. <br> Every note drips honey-sweet and rich like nectar, <br> so palpable, so tangible! <br> <br> <br> 6:15 <br> <br> <br> Listening to Strauss's Also sprach Zarathustra. <br> Saw world as an immense Nietzschean mass of life, <br> solemnly affirming existence. <br> Ceiling dissolved in mass of grey clouds, <br> angrily swirling inn birth and death-struggles of being, <br> majestically yes-saying; <br> I AM LIFE! I AM THE FORCE OF ETERNITY! OH GOD! <br> What divine revelation of That-Which-Is! <br> The entire cosmic drama unfolds before my eyes in waves of eternal Recurrence! <br> <br> <br> During that drunken 'Dance-Song' <br> my soul followed every line of the music with frenetic urgency, <br> writing , contorting, <br> intoxicated to an almost unbearable degree. <br> Brilliant mental images formed and passed in mad, <br> dionysian motion, <br> subjectively vivid, <br> yet without sensuous impression. <br> As the music tolled <br> that aweful twelve-count of eternity <br> at its climax, <br> I experienced a sort of cosmic, <br> spiritual orgasm, <br> quite devoid of erotic content, <br> yet in a very real, <br> spiritual sense. <br> The emotions discharged madly along with the sounds. <br> As the 'Night-Song' descended, <br> an image of Rilke-like immensity of space and distance remained, <br> with some distant light shed over luminous darkness. <br> My soul hath contorted with agony, <br> and reached a climax with Eternity! <br> <br> <br> 6:45 <br> <br> <br> Calmed nerves, <br> effects definitely subsided. <br> Still pensive and withdrawn. <br> <br> <br> The Far-Off Land. <br> <br> 1959, <br> <br> Eugene Seaich<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1959</td><td width="90">ExpID: 88502</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 30</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 4, 2018</td><td>Views: 5,015</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=88502&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=88502&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Poetry (43), Retrospective / Summary (11)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 7:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 capsl</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 8:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(edible / food)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 11:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> <!-- <br/> T+0:00 – LSD – blotter (140ug est) <br/> T+1:30 – LSD – blotter (140ug est) <br/> T+5:00 – Cannabis – smoked <br/> T+7:00 – MDMA – capsule (120mg est) <br/> T+8:00 – Mushrooms – cookie (2-3 grams) <br/> T+11:00 – Cannabis – smoked <br/> <br/> -->I still dwell on the void periodically. It seems ridiculous to spend so much thought on nothing at all. Just infinite darkness and silence. No meaning or significance to be extracted. Yet it is an experience I need to share, and this story might even be entertaining. <!--Here we go.--> <br> <br> Ah the magical setting. My home away from home. You could call it a music festival, I guess. But it’s become so much more to me over the years. A temporary colony nestled in the forest, guarded by snow capped mountain peaks and calm glacial streams. The clearings and trees are populated for a long weekend every summer by an eclectic community that I am lucky enough to be a part of. The physical beauty of this place combined with the unique energy of this crowd creates a truly special place. I have yet to discover a vibe that comes close. Such energy is hard to find in this world. Cynics may simplify it as the result of excessive drug use in the wilderness. Either way, it is beautiful. <br> <br> This small utopia has been an integral part for many of my most enlightening and memorable adventures, serving as more than just a backdrop. A strange paradise flooded with trustworthy, well intentioned people, coming together to celebrate life. Some of these people carry bags full of quality illegal substances for reasonable prices, and they have no trouble finding their way to us. These enlightening experiences have helped me really get to know myself and my friends. I still dwell on the memories constantly and dream with the general sense of wonder that I discovered here. Of all the stories that we playback over and over, this is one that stands out the most. <br> <br> In my early twenties at the time, I was in year three of the psychedelic journey that started with the first time that I tried Magic Mushrooms. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I was in year three of the psychedelic journey that started with the first time that I tried Magic Mushrooms.</div></div> While I obsessed over concepts of consciousness, reality, and psychedelic exploration, I kept my full-blown psychedelic experiences to just a handful of times per year. I still use these substances periodically as tools to guide me through life, always progressing toward the best version of myself – the next level. <br> <br> Except for a couple dark, yet beneficial, Ayahuasca experiences a couple months prior, I had known nothing other than intensely pleasant and insightful trips. I had seen the potential to turn good trips into “bad trips” yet was always able to steer in the right direction and embrace the experience rather than fight it. Despite this level of comfort there was a lingering thought that one day I would find out the hard way that I had a limit. Deep down, I knew it was a matter of when, not if, I would find it. I felt a vague fear for this unknown level, yet my curiosity longed for it. <br> <br> This was my third time at this festival and I was accompanied by just two friends this time. I’ve always enjoyed the three-person dynamic, but we were under the impression that this year our group was incomplete, missing some of our friends from previous years. We were wrong. <br> <br> First, Tiger - my oldest and closest friend. We’ve been friends for well over a decade and while we drifted apart now and then, we always stayed fairly close, thanks in part to this festival. We had come together all three years; a large contributor to why he knows me better than most. I witnessed his evolution from a conservative, if not hesitant festival rookie, to a spirited dancer who looked at home in festival crowd. This was the year he earned the Tiger nickname, wearing the brightest orange pants observable with the naked eye, and a striped tiger hood that blended with his scraggly ginger beard. <br> <br> Up next, we have Dragon who was in the middle of his second year at the festival and he was beginning to “get it.” He discovered that this festival was not hampered by the same social norms we were used to living with in the city. This was about more than getting drunk and chasing girls around the bar. Much more. Over time I could tell that he felt more at ease here and was beginning to become more immersed in the experience. Him and I feed off each other while elevated on the same substances, often reading each other’s minds and feeling the same energy together. He could have won the award for most ordinary looking person at the festival, but you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, right? <br> <br> <!--Alright let’s get to it. <br/> <br/> -->I studied the six colorful blotters inside a small plastic bag that shimmered in the sun. They seemed slightly bigger than I was accustomed to. Our friendly dealer from the day before claimed they were stronger than the average dose (140ug est) that we’d find around there. I’m naturally skeptical of such claims but his trustworthy smile was reassuring. I’ve never found anything less than truth here, so I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Only one way to know for sure. <br> <br> I looked to my trip-mates. We were ready. Well rested, cleaned up, and recently fed. I felt unburdened and relaxed, with only the usual dose of pre-takeoff nervousness. This was day three at the festival. The rest of the world just a distant memory at this point. We delicately picked a tab each out of the bag one-by-one, and dropped under our tongues. I kicked back in my reclining camp chair, gazing toward the blue sky to enjoy the calm before the storm. The previous day was a good time, but today we were seeking the next level. <br> <br> I don’t remember how long it took to kick in, but it was not long. It tends to sneak up on me quickly and there is little patience required. I observed the subtle shifts in thinking and focus as I smiled in anticipation for what was going to be an epic day and night. Unsure if I was more sensitive to the substance or if I was simply better at recognizing acid these days, I was happy with the result. <br> <br> I began giggling to myself and shaking my head while looking around to assess the situation. <br> <br> “Do you feel it already?” Dragon laughed. <br> <br> I smiled and nodded in response. “I was skeptical at first about paying more for these tabs, but I take that back.” <br> <br> “How could you not trust that guy’s smile right? It’s the most genuine thing I’ve ever seen.” <br> <br> “True that, I hope we run into him again tonight.” Our friendly dealer was one of many who wandered through the festival with a bag full of every substance you could possibly desire in such a setting. <br> <br> “Holy shit, this is coming on quick.” I leaned back into my reclining chair, focusing back on the sky as the familiar tingles float into my body. I felt at home with the effects even though I hadn’t experienced them for months. The other two followed into the experience as we sat around casting looks of awe in various directions exchanging glances, grins, and laughs. I had never gotten so far, so fast, on a single tab before. <br> <br> We spent the rest of our collective come-up mostly in silence, staring in different directions, taking in the new world beginning to form around us. Our silence would only be broken by the odd giggle, exaggerated exhale, or gentle “wooo.” This is where I belong. The familiar headspace of pure understanding. Everything as it should be. I was enthralled with the previously static tents that surrounded our camp. The vibrant colors and geometric shading shifting in the sunlight; the movements becoming more exaggerated as they began to morph in place. <br> <br> I looked beyond the tents to the forest. The tall trees were already starting to come alive. Swaying gently in the breeze, and breathing slowly. I matched their breaths, or perhaps they matched mine. I looked beyond them to the mountains watching over us. A view I’ve gotten to know well over the years. A clear indicator to assess my state. The treelines are already rising and shrinking all over the mountain faces. The trees would sprout from the shadows, growing toward the sunny spines, and falling back to what I would guess would be the “actual” treeline. <br> <br> “Should we take the other ones?” Dragon cracked up at the ridiculousness of his own suggestion. <br> <br> The three of us exchanged mischievous glances and giggled at the foolishly ambitious idea… and obviously concluded that things could only get better with more. I knew that we were still coming up on the first ones but the word “no” seemed like such an absurdly negative thing to say at a time like this. We each dropped a second tab as we shook our heads, acknowledging our arrogance. <br> <br> I looked back to the sky to examine the clouds and found them swirling aggressively. Blending together and then breaking apart rapidly and reaching down toward us. These visuals were not foreign to me, but they were rising to a new magnitude. I could feel the energy building all around us and knew that it was time to move. Declaring it was time, we all rose to our feet in unison, smiling at each other in appreciation of the quick progress we had made. <br> <br> We gathered some supplies for our journey with only a few distractions, and departed into the madness of the festival. What was a relatively calm and quiet campground a few hours before was starting to transform back to party mode. The three of us sauntered through the city of tents and trailers waving at friendly campers who watched us glide by. <br> <br> I was entranced by this place all over again. It never gets old. LSD belongs at this festival. It just fits. This festival is LSD. What seemed strange the day before, makes perfect sense today. I was truly content, knowing that there is no time or place that I would rather be. I could only assume almost everyone there was on LSD as well. Why wouldn’t you be? We reached the edge of the large “suburb” camping area and drifted toward the forest trail that led to the “downtown” main stage area. <br> <br> Before hitting the head of the trail we were intercepted by a large forest creature that hopped out of the trees. “Do you guys want to be a part of a collective psychedelic experience tonight during the main act?” <br> <br> I snapped out of my rhythmic walk and looked to the source of the question. A full grown man, likely double our ages – wearing a formerly white bunny costume, and holding a large food container. I looked back at my two colleagues to reciprocate their playful grins as we collectively replied “uhh yea.” <br> <br> The man turned around and bent over to lay the container on the ground. In the process, we were greeted by his bare ass peering from the onesie’s gaping access hatch. He spun around to face us again with a cookie in hand. He launched into an explanation of the two different types of mushrooms that he used to make them (which I neglected to remember), and how one of them would be sure to provide us with magical visuals. (2-3 grams) <br> <br> Even in our current state we knew it was a great idea and a decent deal. We excitedly packed three of the large cookies in Tiger’s pack and waved goodbye to our forest friend as he faded into the world behind us. Where did these people come from? They were a different breed for sure. Do they exist in the outside world or do they just emerge from the forest to create this festival every year? I was coherent enough to know the latter was unlikely… yet I could still make a good case for it. Or maybe they were merely products of my perception. I shook my head to avoid the introspective path to confusion I see coming. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I shook my head to avoid the introspective path to confusion I see coming.</div></div> I was no stranger to this place and liked to explore it often, but this was not the time. <br> <br> The serene forest trail brings a calmness back to our trip until we emerge on the other side. Just like that we are in the heart of the festival. The once distant beat now dominates, and we are pulled toward it. The next hour or so blends together in a swirling mania of stimuli. The music, the people, the circus-like party that we saunter through. We tour through the festival gazing around at the sites as if we have never been before – yet it all feels like home. I think back to my first time ever trying LSD. It was here, and in some ways, it feels as if I had never left. Had I been wandering out here the whole time? I reconsidered and recalled my conventional life far away from here. How long had it been? Three years. What an impact that first trip had on my life. A good impact? I thought so. I wondered what others thought. My girlfriend? My parents? They would never truly understand. I wished they could, but that was asking too much. I could feel my thoughts descending back into territory best left unexplored, but was determined to get to the bottom of these musings, eventually. <br> <br> Exiting another forest trail into a golden field I peered to the stage on the far side. It housed the furry wall where we concluded our party the night (or morning) before. The dry field shimmered in the late afternoon sun, appearing to flow with small mounds turning to small hills that rolled toward the stage. The ground shook with a relentless psytrance beat that vibrated to my core. What was I thinking about again? I watched my tripping partners who were equally entranced by the setting. We had not broken our automatic stride since the cookie dealing creature, almost hesitant to stop. Could we start again if we stopped? Only they could possibly understand such notions. They get it. <br> <br> The others? Let them misunderstand. No one really understands each other well, nevermind perfectly. I loved them all the same, although was often unsure of how to show it. The seductive visuals would take over and distract from the frenzy in my mind. Patterns danced in the sun and expanded toward me. Unclassifiable shapes in undiscovered colors flooding my field of view. How deep into the patterns could I go? As usual the allure of taking more acid would periodically pop up. <br> <br> What if we just kept taking more acid? How far could we go? Would it ever end? Maybe this was what life should be. I envisioned myself laying in the forest, twisted on sheets of acid, drooling like a dog, rainbows streaming out of my eyes. Acid head – Fucking junkie. Man, he had so much potential. <br> <br> We were right in the middle of the action, the party reaching a new intensity. I could feel the energy around us. Some dance, some lay in the field. Others slide and frolic in mud puddles as if 5 years old again. Beaming smiles all around us. We smile back and wave to the mud people. I could feel the familiar innocence and fearlessness of childhood. <br> <br> We moseyed on, as did my internal battle – Is this paradise or was I wasting time in a delusion of fantasy? Time can’t be wasted… and can’t be better spent than this. Why do we do this? This is where I’m meant to be. Am I handling this? Of course I am, I always do. Why wouldn’t I? I live for this. I am doing this for the right reasons, I always do… right? – The cycle would repeat continuously as I visualized my trains of thought crashing into each other as my logic collapsed on itself. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">The cycle would repeat continuously as I visualized my trains of thought crashing into each other as my logic collapsed on itself.</div></div> <br> <br> I did not feel uncomfortable but could not ignore the thought-loop mindfuck I was falling toward – Is the acid getting the better of me? Who am I anyway? you know better than to fight the acid, give in – I stopped and looked around with a stupid smile considering what a privilege it was to experience a place like this. Most people will never know about this little town in the mountains that exists for 4 nights of the year. Breathing deeply, I set an intention to put aside my tendency to analyze absolutely everything in favour of just having a good time. I needed to surrender control and enjoy every second of this day and night. The tension released on a long exhale. <br> <br> We arrived back at our camp and collapsed into our chairs laughing at the ridiculousness of our walk. We laughed at shared thoughts of flipping back and forth between “how could this be any better?” and “am I handling this?” It was good to know that I wasn’t the only one casually battling insanity while having the time of my life. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">We laughed at shared thoughts of flipping back and forth between “how could this be any better?” and “am I handling this?” It was good to know that I wasn’t the only one casually battling insanity while having the time of my life.</div></div> <br> <br> Three introverted acid heads sitting in comfortable chairs staring at the sky can result in the odd periods of silence every now and then. They would usually cease with one of us catching another’s eye and erupting in nonsensical laughter. We smoked a bowl to breathe some life back into our conversation. <br> <br> I’m not sure how long we sat here but it seemed like forever. Our acid logic and sense of humor resulted in ridiculous jokes and observations that would bring us to tears and keep us laughing 10 times over as we analyzed why they were funny. Absolutely pointless to try and describe, but I laughed more that evening than the previous 6 months combined. Anywhere else we would be insane, but here we just blended in with all of the other degenerates. At times I did feel insane. I’d launch back into my chair, laughing maniacally while kicking my feet in the air. Water overtook my visuals as tears gathered before streaming down my face. Would the jokes ever not be funny? Would we ever stop laughing? I didn’t want to. <br> <br> The sun dipped behind the mountains as we assessed our situation. What followed was an adventure to change into warmer clothing. Putting pants on in a tent was a monumental task. One that took over fifteen minutes and a great deal of concentration, in between bouts of laughter while rolling on the ground. <br> <br> The acid was still going strong, but we felt settled into the trip. There is something I love about the third quarter of an acid trip. Somewhat relaxed, yet not fatigued or even comprehending sleep and normal life. It was the perfect time to proceed to the next level. <br> <br> “So, M?” <br> <br> I know, I know… everyone thinks they have the best drugs, but seriously the stuff we had this weekend was primo – best I’ve had. We had taken the MDMA for a test drive the night before and were rewarded with a clean, powerful roll that kept us dancing past sunrise. This night, we expected the same. We each swallowed a cap (120mg est) and fell back into our chairs. <br> <br> We sat in the dark and played back the highlights of the day to that point, laughing at our terrible jokes all over again. I could feel our collective energy ascending. Gradually, the MDMA began to piece my scrambled mind back together. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">Gradually, the MDMA began to piece my scrambled mind back together.</div></div> I was briskly on my feet shaking my arms out and feeling the air with my hands. The cooler evening air felt nice to breath in. The reckless disorder was being overtaken by a great sense of purpose. The night was only beginning. Going back to the stages was no longer a distant obligation. Suddenly, it was the most important thing in the world. A climax that we must move toward – We better get going. <br> <br> “You guys ready for this or what?” I inquired. <br> <br> “Yeah we can head down.” Replied Tiger, clearly not feeling the same level of anticipation. We began gearing up for the night. I felt like a kid on Christmas morning anticipating what comes next. The excitement burned within me as I loaded up my bag and checked my pockets. I was ready. <br> <br> “Cookies?” Dragon chimed. <br> <br> “Oh, yeah forgot about those,” Tiger remarked. We nervously grinned at each other. <br> <br> I was initially hesitant. “Now? M hasn’t even fully kicked in yet… well I mean we could… so we don’t have to carry them.” It was a soft attempt at being the voice of reason. It was obvious that we were about to eat them. <br> <br> “Naw, let’s wait,” Dragon reconsidered, before flipping again, “actually, I’m down to do them now.” <br> <br> “Yea sure” replied Tiger. They both looked to me as if I had a choice. <br> <br> I knew the answer was “yes” but I took a second to assess my situation. Although no stranger to these drugs and aware that they interact (physically) safely, I realized that I would pay dearly for overconfidence. Seeking the next level before this one even started? One should always show humility with a little bit of nervousness when faced with such an opportunity. Were we ready for the harsh truth the shrooms can show? There was only one way to find out. <br> <br> “You can eat yours later if you want,” suggested Tiger. <br> <br> “No way, we’re all going into this together,” I answered confidently. <br> <br> We each grabbed a cookie and held them up to cheers. “Whatever happens, we are all in for.” <br> <br> ––––––––––– <br> We floated through the dark guided by the lights and bass of the party. Strobes and lasers from the main stage lit up the sky on the other side of the dark forest trail we entered. Our evolution toward the next level was progressing. I could feel the energy and excitement building within. Each step made with such intention, bringing us closer to the ultimate destination; yet walking required zero effort. Light on our feet, we easily navigated roots and uneven ground that may be treacherous in a less advanced state. I took in every detail of the ground. Pitch black is not all that dark here. We were comfortable, our positive energy unphased by the cold, dark trail. We spoke softly, restraining our anticipation for that party on the other side of the trees. Excited, but in no hurry. <br> <br> Our last steps on the path transferred us from the dark tunnel into the open world where we stood uphill from the stage. Hit by a collective wave of euphoria we hit the brakes, observing the scene below. The word perfection came short. It felt as though the entire day, possibly my entire life, had been about getting to this place. Finally, we had made it. I tracked the green lasers from the stage to the sky above, bringing my attention to the vivid stars that speckled the black sky. It was as if the already abundant stars had exploded across the sky into smaller yet brighter shards that began to rain down toward us. The only thing that could pull my attention away was the lit path through the shops that led to the stage. The music was no longer muffled by the forest. It was pure and powerful, carrying out into the infinite beyond. It called to us. We smiled at each other and followed the call. <br> <br> “I don’t want this walk to end.” <br> <br> “I know right!” <br> <br> “I was thinking the exact same thing! I almost don’t want to get there.” <br> <br> We were completely in sync, everything as it should be. A part of me believed that we could keep walking forever if we chose. Finally, we joined the largest crowd of the weekend. This was the main event after all, and we were somehow, unintentionally on time. We found some space on the outer edge of the dancefloor and let the music guide our movements. We would exchange the occasional glance and shake our heads in disbelief: “I can’t believe this.” <br> <br> The lights and lasers were brighter and more defined than ever before. Normal life seemed standard definition, even analog. This was the highest of definitions. Life in its purest form, the pinnacle of experience. We were plugged in, connected directly to this digital existence. Even the shadowy trees came to life as a backdrop for the light show. I stared into the fires dancing at the perimeter of the stage. Within the flames I found digital patterns constructed by cubic pixels. I could process each pixel, understanding each block’s role in building this reality. Pixels ripped off the flames and disappeared into the sky. My vision was reality. The concept of hallucinations did not make sense. This was my peak existence. We made it. <br> <br> If the normal world is 3D, what was this? – This must be the “collective psychedelic experience” we signed up for with the shrooms – I had forgotten about the shrooms. They had not kicked in yet, but I knew this night was going to get even more interesting. <br> <br> Dragon turned to me: “I’m really glad we’re friends.” He opened his arms with a smile. I eagerly met his hug. <br> <br> “Me too man. I can’t believe this night.” We slowly separated turning our attention back to the stage. This simple moment still stands out in my memories as one of the most genuine human interactions I’ve had. <br> <br> After some time, we got the itch to explore and headed back into the dark. Before picking a destination, we locked in for a group hug that Dragon concluded with an enthusiastic “I love us!” We turned to head down a nearby road flooded with neon lights as I was slapped in the face with a powerful nostalgia. The feeling of pure magic from my very first roll. It was if we were there again, yet somehow this time was even better. <br> <br> Our energy and awe filled walk through the forest brought us to another headliner playing at a bass heavy stage. The deep pound of the bass sent strobes and lasers pulsing out into the dark. The manic energy of the stage was somehow peaceful from here. We made our way to the crowd and jumped straight into the middle, breaking into more energetic dancing than before. <br> <br> I stared at my feet, once again on autopilot, stepping and pivoting with the beat. My hands smoothly floating in and out of my view. They cut through the cool air guided with restraint by the atmospheric midrange notes fading in and out of the background. Crystal like tracers flickered off my patterned white gloves and faded into the night. Time seemed to slow. I observed my movements as they seemed to perform themselves without any conscious input. I simply allowed the music to flow through me and was just along for the ride if anything. <br> <br> I smiled with pure appreciation to be the intersection of such energy, wishing for it to never end. Releasing that thought, I aimed just to enjoy every moment. How could I ever describe such an experience to another person? My mind scrolled through a long list of the people that I wished to share such an experience with, feeling nothing but gratitude for our connections, even if I did not see some of them as often as I should. Sadly, these people would never know of this moment, only my two fellow explorers could possibly understand. That was all I needed. <br> <br> I did not bother to look around for them, feeling their presence close by was enough. I continued to stare downward, content with the small fraction of the light show that played out on the mud immediately in front on me. I studied the impressions in the mud, still drying from the rain the night before. Each flash of the light displayed new patterns on the ground with intricate and concise detail. My vision was still crisp and at its highest definition, but I noticed new visual activity. The sharp edges of the patterns began to melt and blur, boundaries became less clear – a new personality became evident in the mud. The footprints began to swirl and morph in the mud. <br> <br> I recognized this visual shift and was hit with a sudden realization that I had consumed mushrooms. I had been so caught up in the Candyflip that I forgot about the impending next level. I was unsure how the experience could become any more interesting, but it appeared that I was about to find out. Both excited and a little bit nervous I welcomed the new energy, closing my eyes and inhaling deeply – Proceed to the next level. <br> <br> ––––––––––– <br> The euphoria ceiling disintegrated as the experience accelerated to new highs – How is this possible? Out of nowhere the intensity suddenly became overwhelming and then it all flipped like a switch. <br> <br> Darkness. <br> <br> This was it. I had finally pushed beyond the limit and now I was going to pay for it. An inescapable doom flooded over the situation as I surrendered to darkness. There was nothing left. Just me swaying in this black void of silence. <br> <br> I flashed back to the present. Dropped from silence and darkness into pure mayhem. The ground shook with the unrelenting bass that vibrated through my feet and consumed the rest of my body. What the fuck? I snapped out of my flowing trance to flash panicked glances at the people surrounding me. Before I could contemplate the situation further, the world imploded around me – Back into the void. <br> <br> I lost complete touch again. As if reality was pulled out from beneath me, leaving me in infinite nothing. I forgot my own existence yet knew that I was alone – Where am I? Who am I? <br> <br> Again, before I could comprehend, the world came crashing back down around me. I felt like my soul had been ripped from my body and then forced back in. I stared in amazement at the stage looming above. It glared back, shaking the world around me. I looked around at the crowd which seemed to move as a single entity, pulsing in waves of blurred slow motion. <br> <br> The pieces of the puzzle started to fall back into place. It occurred to me that I was not alone here as I looked around in search of my companions. I spotted Tiger’s familiar hood a few paces to my right and reached toward him. I began to fade out again. Like a nightmare, it became impossible to complete the desperate action or call out for him. <br> <br> Darkness. <br> <br> Once more, I was alone on the other side. The music and the crowd were a distant memory from another time. Here there was no meaning, no point of reference, no beginning or end. I had battled to stay coherent under the overwhelming force that dragged me to this place but was quickly coming to accept this fate. The resistance was natural, but I knew it was futile. The ongoing search for my psychological limit was complete. This was it. <br> <br> This time the world faded back in peacefully. I saw my hand floating in front of me as it gently tapped Tiger on the shoulder. He spun around, snapping out of his musical trance and looking me in the eye. <br> <br> “I gotta get outta here,” I stated bluntly, turning to walk through the left edge of the crowd and into the darkness. I wasn’t sure if he was behind me, but kept walking until I could feel the vibe start to level out. I turned around to face the stage taking in the big picture. The music still loud, the lights still bright, but overall it was a peaceful picture from here. My heartbeat now overpowered the bass. Tiger and Dragon were not far behind. <br> <br> “What’s up?” Tiger said casually. <br> <br> “I don’t know what just happened. I can’t explain it. I just got overwhelmed out of nowhere and blacked out. It was just… I don’t know what to call it. I was in and out of this world.” <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">“I don’t know what just happened. I can’t explain it. I just got overwhelmed out of nowhere and blacked out. It was just… I don’t know what to call it. I was in and out of this world.”</div></div> This was the best explanation I could come up with at the time. I was impressed I was able to formulate words at all. They all flowed out automatically. <br> <br> “I’m starting to get a bit of that too,” admitted Dragon nervously. This was not comforting. This was going to be the worst night of our lives. I was always the first to feel the effects and was now worried that the other two were about to go through the same thing. <br> <br> Tiger grabbed my shoulder to get my attention. “Where do you want to go?” I locked on his gigantic pupils. Holy fuck, did I look like that? I gave my head a shake, dismissing the thought and getting back to the task at hand. We could go anywhere. This sudden realization brought a light feeling of freedom. <br> <br> I started to space out again looking back at the magical chaos of the stage. Each moment in the void could not have been more than a few seconds I thought, but time was still a foreign entity. <br> <br> “The furry wall,” I blurted out. The two smiled in agreement as I felt our collective emotion ascend to a higher place. Dragon proposed that we hug it out before going on our journey. The power of the three-way hug further boosted our spirits as I could feel the glowing euphoria float back into my body. Together we could handle anything. <br> <br> “I love us,” Dragon giggled. We all stepped back laughing at the tagline. <br> <br> My mind wandered as we worked our way through another dark path toward the furry wall. I dwelled on the void. I could not wrap my head around what had occurred. Perhaps a flash ego death in the middle of a setting overloaded with stimuli? Unsure if I could even call it a negative experience. Still, an uncomfortable feeling lingered in my gut that whatever it was would affect me long term, but I was not sure how. I felt incomplete. There was an emptiness in my chest as if I had lost a part of myself. Had I made a mistake by venturing to this level? I could not take my mind off the incident, but still believed I was having a great time. <br> <br> I tried focusing on our quest toward a new destination. Having an objective brought back a sense of purpose. Being so functional and capable, yet so far gone was a severe paradox that I would feel in waves. I was convinced that the positive energy of the MDMA was the only thing keeping me somewhat on track. A useful tool for turning up the intensity of everything while somehow remaining somewhat capable. <br> <br> We arrived at the furry wall that bordered a bass heavy, but downtempo stage. Managing to snag a prime spot right on the coveted wall we decided it was a good time to smoke a bowl or two. Was I really about to do more drugs? We each took a couple hits and offered some to our wall neighbors before sinking back into the cushions. <br> <br> “I really can’t describe what happened back there,” I remarked to Tiger. “Sorry if I alarmed you guys. Just needed a minute to come back to earth... I was just gone… Then back here. And then gone again. Can’t really put it into words… It’s all good now.” He was understanding, but I knew he didn’t quite grasp what I was trying to portray. <br> <br> I welcomed the sensation of falling back from the scene in front of us. Melting into the bass that shook the wall. I could not recognize the border between my body, the wall, and the rest of the surrounding world. We were all one sea of vibration. My body now felt heavy, but my mind was still wired. Cannabis can bring in some strange elements to trips. Time somehow became even less linear. How long had I been in this state and what did we do today? I attempted to place the day’s events into something resembling order but was soon distracted by the scene in front of me. <br> <br> The visuals had accelerated to a new level once again. I focused on what could only be the graphic representation of sound rippling through the air. Fractal patterns spiraled out of the stage speakers, vibrating through the lights with each pound of the bass. It seemed perfectly natural that I was literally seeing sound vibrations in the air. The spirals would start out tight and expand outward to us before fading immediately in front of us. I looked up to watch the soundwaves reverberate into the sky. <br> <br> Each pulse injected life into the sky until it was immediately capped by the next crack of a higher note. The cycle repeated, adding layers of complexity as the beat evolved. I followed the patterns wondering if the producer intended his beats to be experienced as this visual pattern. <br> <br> I was distracted by a recognizable character standing nearby. An old friend from another year. We had set up next to and spent a good amount of time with him and his crew 2 years prior. I had not seen him since and wondered if he would remember me. He was talking with someone and I was content with leaving it a mystery. It didn’t matter. He still felt like family as I knew that he “got it.” He was here again after all. I scanned the dancefloor, so many different types of people that all share a deep understanding of this place. A cohesive force. Everyone looking out for each other. <br> <br> I relaxed and got back into my head. Still enjoying every moment but eager to come to something resembling a conclusion. Aware of the futility of labeling a single takeaway from such a complex day I pushed deeper into my mind. Nothing to fear. <br> <br> Why do we do this? There must be a point. Something to integrate – It had to be about something more than hedonism and fun. <br> <br> I was aware that my tendency to contrive some kind of lesson or meaning from every experience was something indoctrinated from a young age. Every story came to an end. A satisfying conclusion that we could bundle up and apply to life in general. A useful practice, but also habit forming; subconsciously living as a protagonist in the chapters of life. In reality I knew, there was no end. As always, time would go on. I would come down from this, and we would leave this place. Yet the cosmic reality of which we are just – a shift in the musical pattern shattered my train of thought allowing “reality” to render before me again. <br> <br> This was the world I want to know. I looked back to the shimmering stars above. If an alien intelligence were observing humanity, this was what I wanted them to see. We are capable of such beautiful art, expression, and love. I acknowledged that this festival and these trips were something I needed to continue to be a part of. Why wouldn’t we do this? My highlight reel of life was riddled with these types of experiences. <br> <br> I realized that I needed get out of my own way, add another story to the highlight reel, and stop feeling guilty for having such a good time. I decided to give myself some credit and considered that I may actually be doing a pretty good job of finding that perfect balance in life. I laughed to myself, hoping that my partners found similar peace. <br> <br> I felt fortunate to live such a life and experience it with these friends. What more could I possibly ask for? <br> <br> The sun was starting to rise, and I was beginning to feel the first signs of fatigue. My skin did not tingle with every soaring high note anymore and the world was starting to look a little more normal. I knew that we could prolong the party with another hit, but it did not feel necessary. What goes up must come down. <br> <br> We barely beat the sun back to our tents, hoping that we could grab a couple hours of sleep before they heated to an intolerable level. I was alone in my tent, wrapped in my sleeping bag, and holding onto the ground as if it was unstable. Closed eyed visuals persisted but I eventually faded off to another dream state. <br> <br> ––––––––––– <br> I awoke a few hours later. At first, it was hard to distinguish our night out from the dream I fell into, but I was able to recall every detail of the experience. I poked my head out of the tent into the sun. The fresh air felt incredible. I was moving slow but felt healthy and at peace. It seemed unfair to have so much fun without paying for it with a nasty hangover. I stepped out of the tent and flopped into the closest chair, gazing to the morning sky. I laughed lightly to myself trying to unpack the past 24 hours. It would take months of reflection to understand it to some extent. <br> <br> Dragon poked his head out of his tent. We grinned at each other and shook our heads. No words needed. I gazed to the sky once more. <br> <br> Was last night my limit? Did I finally reach it? I smirked at the ridiculous thought. Of course not. But I will find it someday. <br> <br> On the next level.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2015</td><td width="90">ExpID: 111778</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 23</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 7, 2018</td><td>Views: 13,594</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=111778&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=111778&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">MDMA (3), Mushrooms (39), LSD (2) : Festival / Lg. Crowd (24), Personal Preparation (45), Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">55 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Prior to writing this I have tried to explain the following experience to only one person in detail, and one other person in brief. My recent curiosity about the effects of Datura led me to read a number of reports, which then led me to read some LSD reports. It occurred to me that it would be natural, appropriate and even somewhat dutiful for me to describe the two most profound experiences I have been blessed with whilst using psychedelics to facilitate access to higher states of consciousness. I will attempt to describe these experiences with relevant detail, honesty and accuracy. <br> <br> I have written a few experiences below. The first one described what happened AFTER the experience I described later, which occurred in September of the previous year. <!--I know this post is long... I hope some of you have the patience to read it all!--> <br> <br> At the age of seventeen, I became aware of and began to research the psychedelic experience, consciousness, shamanism, meditation, and philosophy relevant to such topics; deoxy.org was one of my main sources. This fanned my already burning desire to understand and experience ultimate reality and thus led me to experiment with LSD in accordance with the teachings of Timothy Leary, etc. My first experiences with LSD were with friends but, seeing my fundamentally different experiences, and fundamentally different motivation and objective, I soon began to experiment alone. The following experience occurred shortly before my eighteenth birthday. <br> <br> I had read about isolation chambers and LSD experiments in environments that allow for zero external sensual stimulation (esp. no sight or sound). I had also been reading Timothy Leary's rendering of the Tibetan Book of the Dead. Before beginning the journey, I prepared a small corridor (2.5 meters x 1.5) by lying a woolen rug on the floor for sitting and placing towels on the base of the doors to prevent any light from entering. Living in the countryside, and especially at night time, the small inner-hallway was silent. I ingested two tabs of strong LSD; the exact dosage in ug was unknown. <br> <br> As the effects become prominent, I removed my cloths and entered the silent, pitch dark room. I lay and relaxed, remaining alert and aware of, but also detached from, the visual, mental, emotional (etc) experiences of the trip. A number of interesting events followed. Firstly, simply by allowing my body and mind to move naturally and without physical restriction or mental inhibition, I began stretching my body extensively and moving into various yogic postures. For example, at one point, I began stretching upwards and then backwards until, amidst the pitch darkness, I felt my hands reach the floor behind me. After some time I realised that I had stopped breathing, thus prompting me to exit this position. It is noteworthy to add at this point that, having grown up in a rural town, I had never done or even seen any yoga positions in my life before this night. Furthermore, from the ages 12 - 16 I invested a lot of time and energy into long distance running, which was great for some aspects of my health but also created a significant lack of flexibility in several areas (esp. joints) of my body, such as knees, ankles, hips, and lower back. In other words, I would have been totally unable to stretch into such yogic postures in my normal state of consciousness. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I would have been totally unable to stretch into such yogic postures in my normal state of consciousness.</div></div> Later I seated myself in lotus position (beforehand I struggled to even sit cross legged on the floor) and whilst meditating in this position I noticed sensations of pain in certain areas of my body, particularly those that were not flexible enough to maintain the posture. With further concentration I was able to directly perceive the thoughts and mental patterns that were obstructing energy in each precise part of my body and thus causing pain; I was then able to consciously 'push through' and relieve/clear these subtle psychological blockages. I continued with this process for some time. Eventually, while still seated in lotus position, my consciousness moved away from specific parts of my body and I began to observe my body from outside of my body. <br> <br> The room was in pitch darkness; this was certainly not the standard type of observation by which we experience things in 'normal' day-to-day life. I was perceiving my body not as one covered in skin etc but rather with my form being constituted of energetic lines, in a similar way that you could imagine a topographical map would present a human body against a 'backdrop' of pitch darkness. Neither my body nor my conscious perception of it remained immobile amidst the darkness, although the movement was not major and remained balanced and symmetrical. Protruding from the top of my crown chakra was an energetic, spirialling/rotating conical form extending upwards; an identical energetic, spirally/rotating conical form extend downwards from my base chakra. In this state I heard a deep, fearless/heroic (in the sense of one who has fearlessly questioned life and earnestly reached for the highest realms of reality that life afforded them) speak to me in a thoughtful, guiding, encouraging, determined and desirous tone. The question was simple yet profound, 'What IS..? That is the question.' This stimulus, in that state of consciousness, opened my mind to the most essential and profound question I had experienced in this life. My consciousness was opened to the degree in which I was wholly aware of and OPEN to the question, 'what is reality?' My desire to receive and understand the answer was profoundly complete and clear. I vaguely remember this voice saying some other things beforehand, but I cannot remember what was said. I wondered if it was my own voice, even in an abstract sense or from a past life, or a guide who had been waiting to help me. <br> <br> Eventually I exited my makeshift isolation chamber. My bodily form had changed. I was spontaneously and naturally walking with only my forefeet. My steps were uncommonly 'springy' and my posture was at a slight crouch, in the sense that my knees were slightly bent, my torso was slightly forward, and my elbows were slightly bent. My entire body appeared somewhat as if I was simultaneously tensing all of my muscles; for want of a better description, my body appeared and felt 'pumped', with energy. It was not at all extraneous however and my movements were incredibly energy-filled and efficient. I ingested some more LSD and went to the large bathroom mirror. My shoulders were pulled far back, exposing, broadening and protruding my chest forwards. My stomach was tight and pulled towards my spine and my genitals had mostly retracted. My neck was straight, with the crown of my head stretching upwards. My chin tucked towards my chest and my jaws were tight, with my teeth closed together tightly, but not uncomfortably. I would sometimes refocus my vision so that I was not exactly looking 'with' my eyes, but I was looking 'through' my eyes, as consciousness within looking through the biomechanical instruments/windows in my head. On an energetic level, I could see a wonderful, vibrant and lively blue and purple accumulation of energy extending from, through and around my head. My body appeared to have an energetic bluish hue (I am not sure if that was purely on the energetic level, or if it would have been visible to anyone). <br> <br> In short, I no longer appeared exactly human, yet I had never felt more myself. I was exhilarated, as if I had finally awoken and pulled off a very thick and very unpleasant blanket that had been perpetually suffocating me. I felt as if my body and mind had shifted into the optimal form that they afforded. I was not posing or making a conscious effort to maintain this form; it was natural and actually felt much more natural than ever before. (((I would like to add that shortly after this experience, at one of the few psytrance parties I attended (Infected Mushroom @ the Gold Coast in '05), I used LSD and again changed form, albeit to a lesser extent due to the uncontrolled public environment and resultant lack of facility to journey within and awaken on the level that I had experienced previously. My sister was also at this party and, at a later date, when I attempted to explain some of these events to her, I asked her if I looked different that evening. She confirmed that I did look different, one of her comments being that I looked 'very stretched out'. She was entirely sober at the time. The reason I mention this is because I respect that many could be skeptical about what I have written and may attribute my apparent change of form to be merely imagination or hallucination.))) <br> <br> After viewing my body in the mirror, I went outside onto the ground-level veranda at the front of the house. It was a cool, moonlit night, with only a few clouds decorating the sky. I was enlivened by the night sky and went to one corner of the veranda and sat down on the cement floor. I had been trying to find a comfortable meditation posture for months beforehand and, at this point, without consideration, I sat down into an ideal sitting position; I smiled in happiness and gratitude for that gift. I stood and walked inside the garage, to be confronted by a large wasp. It hovered in front of me for a while, as if examining me; I was not afraid, but simply returned the gaze. My family's pet dog, with whom I had spent numerous hours wandering the surrounding bushland in the months and years beforehand, was peculiarly fascinated by me; not afraid, perhaps a little uncertain, but mainly fascinated. Interestingly, her head and nose were twitching and twisting to the left, something I had not seen her do before. I walked back to the corner of the veranda and stood looking towards the south-east sky. I felt an intense attractive pull in my mind-region towards the sky and, allowing this to intensify, I watched as lights flashed in a section of that region of the sky. I could hear a high pitched vibrational noise. On the psychic platform especially, I believed or perceived that I had come into contact with otherworldy entities. My sentiment was not at all fearful, rather I felt that I had finally made contact with my home, that there was another world from which I had come and from which these beings had come. I did not perceive people, or forms, or anything other than the lights and sound, but nevertheless did clearly feel their presence on a physic level. The specific message I received was, 'Seeing is believing,' which I immediately understood to mean that I could return and go with them but it required my full belief, or in other words, my conscious and inhibition-free decision to accept 'them' as reality and leave this world and whatever I have done and am going to do here. <br> <br> My response was saddening but honest, 'I'm not ready yet.' This brief communication was psychic. The deep sadness remained within me, but I also felt greatly pleased because I felt that I had made contact with those whom I (intuitively) recognised as relatives of mine, with whom I somehow remain connected, and by whom I have been watched and cared for from a distance. I spent the remaining hours of the night dancing, absorbed and alone (in a sense) on the lush green grass that stretched far in front of the house, under the vibrant, paradoxically colourful, night sky and the mesmerizing moon, to the musical patterns of psybient and psytrance. Playfully, I sprinted for a short distance at a speed unexperienced before, hearing and feeling the still nights air rush past my face. The following day I gave away most of my clothes and unnecessary possessions, keeping only a choice and minimal selection. <br> <br> My consciousness remained elevated in this direction for some weeks, but gradually settled back into a more 'normal' state, although there were certainly some permanent changes as well. My posture remained altered for years afterwards, to a much lesser extent than immediately after I left my makeshift isolation chamber. My desire to find my life mission intensified to the extreme after this experience. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">My desire to find my life mission intensified to the extreme after this experience.</div></div> I could not understand whether I had made the wrong choice and should have done something differently, which would have enabled me to leave with the beings I contacted. As my rational mind gained increasing momentum in relation to the experience, I wasn't even sure whether it had simply been imagination or not; although, after five years of remembering, critically considering, and contacting supportive information, whilst still skeptical to an extent, I would not at all be surprised if there was and is a lot of truth in what I experienced that evening, and what it implies for the future. <br> <br> I began to read a lot more, especially about yoga, and began to plan a life of solitary performance of yoga either in India or Australia. My confusion was regarding exactly what I needed to do, and how exactly I should do it, because my heart was intensely driving me to find SOMETHING. About two months later, I actually attempted to make a further connection with the beings I apparently contacted, at which time I was prepared to leave with them, although in my heart I was not convinced that it was right to (possibly tinged with escapism) and that I really was not ready yet. A question that troubled me for some time was whether or not to continue using psychedelics on my life/spiritual quest, i.e. whether they were essential or beneficial, or not. If I was to live in solitude, and required a supply of psychedelic substances, that would be problematic. It didn't make perfect sense to me that internal transformation and enlightenment depended upon external substances. On my 18th birthday, <br> <br> I bought a small book about bhakti yoga in a secondhand bookstore and a short time after that, in response to an inquiry I posted on the deoxy.org blog ('Pursuance of Full-Time Consciousness Expansion' - an effort to discover others of like mind to myself, and an environment in which to learn and progress on that path), someone suggested I look into bhakti yoga. Being thus prompted, I began to read the book I had recently bought. The ontology, the process, and the results of the meditation described in this book enthused me and I immediately began to practice. A short time later, after some of my final philosophical inhibitions were cleared from within, I moved in to a bhakti yoga ashrama. At this point I had become determined to dedicate my life to the path of yoga. The impermanent effects and side-effects of psychedelics indicated to me that I needed to embrace a system of elevation that rendered permanent results, even if such results were generally achieved at a slower rate. <br> <br> Over the past 5 years I have continued to spend most of my time in ashramas in Australia, America, and India, which has involved hours of meditation each day, study, celibacy, fortnightly fasting, often minimal sleeping, and many related practical activities. Last year I began a BA in Religion and Philosophy, which I then deferred in order to spend time with a yoga teacher in America. Currently I live at a yoga retreat center. On several occasions I have been very very close to leaving the West permanently in order to solely engage in meditation and study in a holy village in India, Sri Vrindavan, with the intention of never returning or even maintaining contact with material relations, including family. However, internal and external guidance has consistently encouraged me to 'remain in the world, whilst remaining not of the world,' so much so that I cannot disregard the likely possibility that life is reciprocating with my efforts to understand my path and is in fact guiding me in this direction. Hence, I plan to continue my studies in the not-too-distant future in order to learn more about the world (or at least the popular, modern day, perception of it), with the aspiration to somehow using that knowledge and experience to help others find more in life than the mundane. <br> <br> I have had one experience that by far superseded the psychedelic experience that I have tried to describe above. This superior experience occurred as a result of and in accordance with the yoga process and for me it confirmed the reality of the ancient mystical Vedic worldview (or, 'life-view'), and the efficacy of the bhakti yoga process of self-realization. <br> <br> In retrospect I have a few, somewhat rationalised, possible explanations for the psychedelic experience I have described. Some time after the experience I heard, for the first time, about Kundalini awakening and over the years since I have gradually read more about this phenomenon. It seems quite likely that this is what occurred in my case, and this alone may explain all of the other paranormal events during and after that evening, including the voice, the lights, the change of form, and the lasting life-changes that resulted. However, it may not properly explain all of these things, at least to not to an extent beyond the superficial. One speculation of mine is that, through the process of consciously removing the layers of obstructive thoughts and mental patterns (i.e. that were causing pain - as I have described above), I may have actually 'shed' much of the metaphysical coverings accumulated throughout my present life and thus returned, to a certain degree (the extent of which is of course unknowable), to the psycho-physical nature that I possessed in my previous life. Thus, being in this 'transgressed' state, my psychophysical form literally re-adjusted and my altered/revived psychic and psychological capacity enabled me to contact beings among whom I had lived in a previous lifetime, and perhaps even from whom I have come for a particular purpose. Some ideas regarding the voice I heard whilst in meditation include the possibility that it was a guide, or myself in a past life, or simply much more refined and powerful expression of my higher self that of course was with and remains with me always due to it being a part of me, albeit a part that I seldom experience with such clarity. <br> <br> Four paragraphs below, I have written a brief description of another significant experience that occurred one year before the above experience. <br> <br> The negative side effects of the above and below experiences were mostly related to confusion. As my heightened consciousness would gradually dwindle, I struggled to comprehend and integrate the concepts that had recently appeared so clear to me. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">As my heightened consciousness would gradually dwindle, I struggled to comprehend and integrate the concepts that had recently appeared so clear to me.</div></div> Such concepts became increasingly abstract and thus crept further out of reach and, while this was not exclusively true, to the extent that it was saddening, bewildering and distressing. As a result of the above and below experiences, perhaps with the exception of a sense of compassion, I became largely indifferent to and almost entirely removed from mainstream life and society (esp. psychologically, but also physically for some time). My perspective and corresponding motive in life seemed practically incomprehensible and antithetical to the common person's. Seeing the gulf of difference between my state of consciousness and that of my friends, and perceiving (possibly correctly) their association to be a hindrance to my advancement, I gave up all of my friendships and chose to remain more-or-less alone for months. I remember times in the last months of school when, instead of talking with friends as I had done during the years before, I would simply sit alone under a tree and try to perceive and understand life on a deeper level, hardly able to communicate with others on their terms. Or, sitting at friends' houses, feeling totally removed from them, disinterested in their enthusiasms, and practically unable to relate to them. <br> <br> After time, this kind of seclusion did become somewhat psychologically challenging. Even after this phase, whilst staying in an ashrama community I would usually keep to myself. Such reclusiveness was perhaps helpful in certain respects, but the (in my opinion) progressive step of moving beyond it and returning to a more normal social state has been rather challenging, even now. Having now seen the value of and need to remain aware, appreciative, accepting and, to a degree, a part of mainstream society, I have now tried to close this social-gap significantly and probably now appear more 'normal' than I have for several years. My sensitivity levels, which had always been high, increased significantly after these experiences, creating both positive an negative results. Lastly, the above and below psychedelic experiences, and the overwhelming desire to understand life and my purpose in it, led me to question my sanity on several occasions. <br> <br> I had always felt that I was somewhat different from other people I knew and, radically accentuating the symptoms and experiences as such, these events suddenly and powerfully suggested the reality of that feeling and brought an awareness of the extent and the implications of that apparent situation to the forefront of my life... Sometimes I felt as if I had lost myself; I had given up the person that I, my friends, and my family knew, and I was no longer able to relate to anyone on the same terms as I had previously done so. At seventeen, I wanted to experience what I was reading about and 'shed my ego' - to an extent, that is what happened. I think it was clear that the new, somewhat 'uncovered', me was superior to what I had been before, but still there was some shock and challenge resulting from the sudden and significant alteration of my personality. <br> <br> My background in brief: I grew up in a rural town in Australia. My childhood and upbringing was quite good, spending a lot of time in nature, and under the care of kindhearted parents. Although I did encounter some difficulty with my father for a few years as an overprotective and faultfinding streak arose in him and a rebellious streak flared in me, on the most part my relationship with my parents has always been good. In my earlier teenage years I became a promising long-distance runner, finishing well-placed in a number of events including half marathons. During these years I would often be at the top of my class academically. At sixteen, curious about 'mind altering' substances, I began experimenting with marijuana. At seventeen I experimented with MDMA, amphetamines (for a short time, after which I became thoroughly deterred by the side effects and the regular users of the substance), some other substances briefly, and LSD. Throughout this time I had been reading extensively about psychoactive substances and, especially with psychedelics, I quickly ceased 'recreational use' and instead engaged in serious and responsible pursuance of technoshamanic experiences. In some ways I regret having used drugs in the past, due to the times of confusion and concerns that the substances may have caused lasting adverse psychophysical effects. Nevertheless, I can appreciate that it was all a part of my ongoing evolution of consciousness, and I have certainly learnt a lot from it. <br> <br> In September of the previous year, with the determination to venture beyond fear and other mental conditioning in order to obtain a genuine experience of a higher state of consciousness, I ingested a high dosage of clean liquid LSD and, late at night, set out alone into the eucalyptus forest of Bald Rock National Park. I soon became lost within the dense forestry, smothered by the pitch darkness of the clear but moonless night, immersed in a visual kaleidoscope of unlimited internal patterns, and well aware of the potential and somewhat severe danger that surrounded me (e.g. animals [Australia is famous for its venomous snakes and spiders], injuries, insanity, etc.). Nevertheless, I remained centered, stable and rather pleased, realising that the position in which I found myself was unpredictably and especially opportune. I had little faculty to do anything other than trust my heart, connect with my determination, and push forward through the forest of trees and fears. Eventually I arrived at the base of Bald Rock and made the final one kilometer ascent. <br> <br> Reaching the topmost point, my cleared mind welcomed a flow of realisation about life, myself, and the universe, with the most significant revelation rising at dawn with the sun. As sunlight spread over the surrounding mountains, forest and granite formations, I observed the trees growing on the highest point of Bald Rock. They are, of course, dependent on the sunlight for their survival and I could see that they were growing at an angle eastward, where the sun rises in the morning, thus appearing to compete with each other, desperate for their vital source of life. With powerful clarity, it occurred to me that this struggle for life is a universal reality, endured by and involving all beings, against their will and beyond their control. Appreciating the warmth of the rising sun, I remembered that the sun itself is destined to die (school science: the sun is a star which has a limited lifespan). Perplexing; life is a struggle for life, yet the sun, which we depend upon for survival, is itself subject to certain death. I became overwhelmed by this insight about the absolute futility of the struggle for life, and thus practically every activity and endeavour that most people engage in. It meant that life on Earth is already dead and it is simply a relatively miniscule portion of time that separates everyone and everything from that apparent end. This final, fear-full veil polarised something within the core of my being and, at this point, it became clear that life could not consist merely of this contradiction; there must be a higher reality to life, something beneath and beyond the superficial surface layer that constituted everything that society had taught me to that day. <br> <br> This is when I overwhelmingly realised that I must dedicate my life to understanding life itself and, in turn, help others to rise out of the oblivion that smothers most (to use a term Timothy Leary used) 'larval' human beings. Of course, this is not the reason I write these experiences now. My motivation for doing so is simply that I wish to share them with others who perhaps even seek and/or have experienced similarly wondrous events. In the following weeks and months, arising out of natural inspiration, I began to meditate extensively, follow a vegetarian diet, stop smoking tobacco, and stop using marijuana mindlessly; I began spending a lot more time in nature, and learning a lot from that time; I intensified my study of consciousness/philosophy/etc and, most importantly, I found myself with an overpowering desire in the core of my heart to understand the truth about life and become situated in my life mission, not in the sense that I wanted to decide which job or university course I should apply for, but in the sense that I wanted and needed to understand what my purpose is, what the specific cosmic function is that I must fulfill, and how to do so successfully. The nature and intensity of this desire implied to me that I did indeed have something that I needed to find and do. <br> <br> <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br> <br> Approximately one week after this event at Bald Rock, I drove to Lismore to meet a friend, Dragonheart. I was in a good frame of mind on the drive down and had a good week beforehand, during which I had happily and gratefully helped my parents with different household activities and spent plenty of time reading, walking, and meditating to begin digesting my recent mind opening event. At one point during the drive to Lismore (I had ingested a small [if I remember correctly] amount of LSD before leaving), I briefly perceived how I was ultimately not in control of life, my path in life, or even my bodily functions. This was seen in relation to my driving and the particular route on which I had driven and was to continue driving on. I felt how my body was acting, even when I seemed to be exerting no effort to make it do so, and I could see the path that I was destined to drive along, an image somewhat like in Donnie Darko when he could see the path that a person was about to move along before they had physically done so. All in all, the drive was very pleasant and uplifting. I arrived in Lismore a little early and went to the park where I was to meet Dragonheart. I sat under a tree and looked out over the city and evening sky. When he arrived, we spoke for some time and he gave me some capsules with a mix of cocaine and MDA (not MDMA). I had never tried either before. I suggested we listen to a CD I had been listening to on the drive down - Celtic Cross, Hicksville. Celtic Cross mixes traditional celtic-style instrumental music with psybient and psytrance and, in the same way that many artists of that genre do, the musical buildup is quite gradual and subtle, making the music sound quite bizarre, non-psychedelic, lame or boring to the impatient, inattentive or otherwise uninterested listener. The song began with some rather unexpected (to a psy-party goer, like Dragonheart) celtic style music, probably seeming more like Riverdance than a psytrance album, and this continued for some time. <br> <br> As I began to suspect that there was an incompatibility between Dragonheart and Celtic Cross, I suddenly spun into a very fearful spiral of paranoid self-consciousness and social unease. I had always been shy but nevertheless rather confident, especially throughout my teenage years, and had never experienced anything nearly as socially crippling as that. Crippling is certainly the best word to describe it. I mumbled that we should listen to one of his CDs and, a little while later, I left. Swallowing one of the coke/MDA caps, I started the 3 hour drive home. <br> <br> I was no longer peaceful and uplifted; I was fearful and bewildered. I felt as if a huge pressure had descended onto and into my mind. My concern moved away from the Dragonheart/Celtic Cross scene and lingered in consideration regarding what course of action I should take in the coming weeks and months. Around this time, I had some interesting thoughts regarding hair. I speculated as follows: our body is a manifestation of our thoughts, therefore our cells are smaller manifestations of our thoughts; our hair is compiled out of dead cell matter, in which consciousness has ceased to reside, possibly making it non-different from 'dead thoughts': my hair could basically and accurately be described as the dead remains of my psycho-physical past. I considered that this dead matter attached to my head was not only useless, but it may be detrimental. On a subtle level, I considered, this manifestation of 'dead' psycho-physical substance may in fact somehow and to some extent maintain my connection to previous states of consciousness, at which time the 'dead' psycho-physical cells (that form hair) were dynamic physical expressions of my consciousness/thoughts - this appeared to be obviously undesirable for one aspiring to achieve progressively higher states of consciousness. Further, on a practical level, if I were to spend a considerable amount of time in the wilderness (the week before, after Bald Rock, I had been very close to leaving home for the wilderness with the intention of living as a wanderer, and I continued to seriously consider this for some months after), hair would become unclean and generally create disturbance. <br> <br> What I did after this is a little crazy perhaps. Maybe I was losing my mind that evening, or during that whole period, and maybe even now... but maybe I wasn't, despite the lack of conformity to social norms. I concluded that 1) the pain factor, and 2) the desire for social acceptance, were the only reasons I wouldn't remove my hair so, without further ado, I began to pull it out. I had long hair at the time and continued to pull it out throughout that evening and the next day. Around midday I was sitting on the veranda outside of my room, pulling out my hair, when my parents arrived home. Seeing what I was doing, my mum said, in a somewhat firm, conclusive and proactive tone, something like, 'this is going too far, something is not right...' (suggesting insanity). I replied firmly and coolly, 'If everyone did this then you and everyone else would not have a problem with it, or think it is crazy.' As I remember this, what I said was true and the principle (while not necessarily a good thing) applies throughout our society. <!--Interestingly, over the years since then I have come to learn that some yogic practitioners believe that removing one's hair removes a degree of one's karma (which equates, to an extent, to what I had speculated about hair), and furthermore, as well as various other cultures, yogis would sometimes, and Jains would often, pull out their hair at the beginning of a 'new phase of life' or determined spiritual quest. Of course, I am not suggesting that it is essential or recommended for others to follow this procedure! -->This hair-pulling-out episode combined with the Bald Rock episode left me feeling and looking like a very different person. No pun is intended regarding Bald Rock and pulling out hair ~ 8 -D <br> <br> I have always been aware that I have a certain willingness to sacrifice everything, including my life, for the highest good, which I now understand to be spiritual perfection. This mentality, I think, has facilitated an intense life on many levels and I have both enjoyed and suffered the repercussions of this. Interestingly, many people comment that I am very mellow by nature. Although I seem to be heading into an increasingly balanced and less intense approach to life, I nevertheless feel the same essential intensity in my heart that I experienced in the past, even if externally and internally I am becoming more peacefully and steadily engaged in my life work, the details of which are also gradually becoming clearer to me. <br> <br> Finally, I would like to mention that I would not actually recommend the use of psychedelics in the pursuance of spiritual uplift and enlightenment. Although I did use psychedelics for this purpose, in some ways I feel as if I am still recovering from my ventures on this path. I would however recommend the potentially slow but predictably sure and steady system of yoga for self realisation. <br> <br> <!--If you have read my whole post, thank you! I look forward to reading and responding to any comments!--><!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 84256</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 19, 2018</td><td>Views: 4,619</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=84256&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=84256&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Yoga / Bodywork (202) : Alone (16), Personal Preparation (45), Entities / Beings (37), Mystical Experiences (9), Retrospective / Summary (11)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(edible / food)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(edible / food)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> LSD had always fascinated me since I had first read about it in Ram Dass's book Be Here Now. I never seemed to be able to find it in my area, and prior to this first experience, I had only tried marijuana and mushrooms. When the chance came to purchase two hits of liquid LSD on altoids, I immediately took the offer. I was uncertain of the strength of each hit, so I decided that I would take one, wait for the effects, than either take the second or give it to my friend B depending on the quality. <br> <br> I waited until the weekend, and met up with two friends, J and B, around 2 in the afternoon. I took my first altoid hit around this time, letting it sit under my tongue and dissolve. My friends and I sat in my room until I started to feel different, at which point I decided it would be best to distance myself from my unknowing family and go for a walk. <br> <br> J took us on a quick drive to a local park, where we got out and began to walk through the woods. The first effects of the LSD manifested in how I perceived the clouds- they seemed very flat, and I could see very defined rays of light shining down between them. In the forest, the trees seemed to be convulsing in unison, bending in towards me against the wind. I had experienced similar 'breathing' effects on mushrooms, and I decided that I wanted to surpass that previous experience, so I took the second hit. At this point it was about 3:00, an hour after my first hit. <br> <br> Another friend of ours called and told us he had the house to himself for several hours, so we decided to head over to his place. On the walk back to the car, the paths in the park seemed to have stretched out since my previous walk through them, and the mud under my shoes had a much stranger feeling. The clouds had begun to warp, and turn in on each other, almost forming a tunnel. <br> <br> By the time we got to the car, I was truly starting to trip. Time seemed incredibly slow, and the music playing through the car stereo took on new dimensions. The sound seemed deeper, and the directional mixing of each song became much more distinct. My companions decided that they were going to pick up some weed, as well as some food at the local grocery store. <br> <br> Upon arriving at the grocery store, my trip took a turn for the worse. I am not sure whether it was that I was simply overwhelmed by the experience, or if the way I staggered my doses altered things, but I became very confused. The grocery store was crowded, and in my state, the crowding was further amplified. I kept losing my train of thought as I was distracted by dozens of signs and fellow shoppers. My friends chose a few snacks then went to the express aisle. While standing in line with them, I felt sudden rushes of anxiety and confusion. Every object that had the potential to carry an image (mirrors, windows, television screens, electronic cash registers) seemed to flash pictures and words at me at blindingly fast rates. I felt as if I could not properly feel my body, and that at any moment I would soil myself without realizing it, in the middle of a crowded grocery store. <br> <br> I told my friend B that was I feeling very lost and that he needed to stay with me. We moved through the line (which felt like eternity), and quickly left the store. Out in the parking lot, J and B met up with their dealer and purchased their weed. We drove to our friend's house and went into his basement at around 4 PM. <br> <br> My confusion and fear had reached new heights, and I lay down on his couch and tried to relax as the rest of my companions played video games. When I closed my eyes I was overwhelmed with visions of writhing patterns and shapes, of many different colors. Time seemed to slow to an almost unbearable level - I would open my eyes, gradually remember who I was, where I was, and what I had taken, then look at the clock and realize not even a minute had passed, although it had felt like I had my eyes closed for hours. This process repeated itself seemingly hundreds of times over the next two hours, and I was sure I was going to go insane. I kept telling my friend B that I was scared, and that maybe I should just go back to my own house, just so I was safe. I was certain that at any moment, I would forget everything and be forgotten by everyone - that I would cease to exist. The prospect of that ego-death was horrifying to me, and the resulting resistance I had to it led to the greatest sense of fear and confusion I have ever felt in my life. <br> <br> During this time spent on the couch, I did experience interesting visual and auditory hallucinations. My friends were playing the video game 'Rock Band', which can have four players playing instruments at once. When I focused on the screen long enough, it seemed as if the virtual singer on the screen was standing next to me, and singing specifically to me. Also, noises made by my friends eating or newly arriving friends entering the house, seemed to sync up with the songs played by the video game, creating new and wild beats. <br> <br> Because of the near arrival of parents at this particular house, and given my terrified state, my friends decided it would be best to find a new place to stay at. At around 6:30 PM, J and B drove me to another friends house, who happened to have a gigantic basement, complete with a ping pong table, air hockey table, huge TV, and tons comfortable furniture. My girlfriend met up with us at this house, and her presence seemed to comfort me slightly. However, the real turning point in my trip was when I decided to start playing air hockey. By applying myself to the world around me, instead of reclining on a couch, I seemed to convince myself that I truly did exist. The LSD allowed me to play with an unparalleled amount of focus, and I had realizations about myself and the game. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">The LSD allowed me to play with an unparalleled amount of focus, and I had realizations about myself and the game. </div></div> I saw how air hockey perfectly demonstrated newtons law of motion, that each and every force had an equal and opposite force. A fast shot on an air hockey table can easily reflect back with the same speed, and the puck is kept in constant motion. My opponents seemed to try to force their will on the puck, hitting it aggressively, and it only seemed to cause them to score on themselves. I saw that the way to win was to merely redirect the force and move with the puck, as opposed to forcing my own intention on it. I think this kind of thinking began to apply to my LSD trip as well, because in the process of playing four air hockey games, I lost my former sense of confusion and fear, and began to simply go along with it. I went undefeated before the table itself overheated and refused to work. <br> <br> At this point, my other friends left the room, leaving me alone to try and fix the table in vain. I gave up, and simply sat on the floor and reflected on the experience. I wasn't sure what time it was, and I thought maybe my acid had started to wear off, which would explain why I felt so peaceful compared to earlier. However, as soon as I thought that, the tiles underneath me began to warp. The darker brown stripes of the tile began to slowly writhe and spread out like liquid. This dark mass seemed to be made up of many small particles, like a swarm of ants, and it crawled from tile to tile, linking up into a larger mass. It crawled up the wall, and up my own arm, until the formerly white room was nearly covered in this dark substance. All at once, it began to swirl in unison, creating a moving pattern on every surface it touched. Instead of frightening me, I was content and in awe of what I was witnessing. I left the room to join my friends in the larger part of the basement, and the patterned mass followed me everywhere I looked. The furry carpet on the floor was breathing peacefully, with each little strand of fabric dancing in the air. I looked down at my arm and could see the black particles flowing through my veins, and my hairs seemed to grow in and out of my arm. <br> <br> These hallucinations were the peak of my experience, and I now felt completely at peace and unafraid. We left the house around 8:30 and went into a nearby town so my companions could cure their case of the munchies. The car ride was silent aside from the white noise of the air conditioner, which seemed to form soothing music in my ears. <br> <br> When we arrived, I very nearly started down a negative path again. On a TV next to our table, there was a 'home video' show playing. These videos showed horrible accidents or acts of violence caught on film, similar to shows like COPS. I watched a three minute clip of a man nearly burning to death in his car, as well as a bus running over a woman's head. I was too stunned to speak, and looked around the rest of the restaurant. The restaurant specializes in buffalo chicken wings, which many of the people sitting nearby seemed to be eating. The red hot sauce on their faces seemed almost like blood, and they were watching the show intently. To me they seemed like vicious, bloody animals, enjoying a show of other peoples suffering. I was disgusted by it, but luckily was saved from further negative feelings by my close friend B's sense of humor. He was very stoned, and just as surprised as I was that a show like that could even exist. His commentary on the utter ridiculousness of it entertained me long enough that they could finish eating (I was unable to eat), and we left the restaurant. <br> <br> Outside we met up with two LSD-experienced friends of mine, and we all sat down on benches and conversed for the next hour or so. They shared their experiences and inquired about mine, as well as offering advice. Both inside the restaurant and outside by the bench, I was seeing patterns on many surfaces. Inside, the excess hot sauce on the plates seemed to form fractals, and outside the sidewalks swirled with the same dark mass I saw before. By the time we left town, it was about 10:30 PM, and we decided to head back to my house. <br> <br> I entered without incident, and spent the next hour and a half just talking with J and B and watching J play computer games. They both left around 12, and feeling full of energy, I decided I would stay up and listen to music. I listened to two albums straight through, Lateralus by Tool, and Hail to the Thief by Radiohead. Both albums sounded amazing - sound was literally orgasmic, and my closed eye visuals were synced with the music. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">sound was literally orgasmic, and my closed eye visuals were synced with the music.</div></div> I listened to some Acid Mothers Temple as well, before deciding it was finally time to get some sleep, because I had work at 10:30 the next morning. Finding sleep was difficult, but I finally managed to drift off around 4 am. I woke up the next morning feeling completely refreshed, with no 'burn out' feeling or any residual effects. <br> <br> Although my trip started out frightening, I felt overall it was a rather enlightening experience. I had many new and exciting ideas, and realizations about human perception. In hindsight, I realized that time seemed so slow because of the sheer amount of information I had to process while on LSD. In normal day to day life, my mind was on autopilot for the most part. I generally do not think about each bite of food, each single sound, each step, each breath or heart beat. But on LSD, I was aware of everything, all at once, and my analysis of each sense made me take life second by second, compared to the autopilot I usually am driven by.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 68891</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Apr 19, 2018</td><td>Views: 3,083</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=68891&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=68891&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Music Discussion (22), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">115 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> The Cheshire cat lounged upon my tongue as I waited. A thousand teeth lit up the cavern of my mouth, anticipation speeding through my veins like a rocket. For the fifth time that minute I inspected my stereo. 11:44 AM, it replied, and I imagined its disapproval. <br> <br> “Kids these days,” it would mutter, stealing a patronizing glance in my direction before leaving my imagination and becoming lifeless once more. <br> <br> The Cheshire cat yawned. Had it pumped its secrets into my body yet? The stigma against psychedelics intrigued me, and eventually led to this day. I idly traced random shapes upon my living room coffee table, waiting for the trip to take me away. Hallucinogens don’t just happen- I let the tab sit on my tongue, and then I wait. And wait. And wait. <br> <br> Impatience ripped at my throat, a strange viper that showed no mercy. Defensively, I rose from the couch and paced around the room, fumbling at my cell phone, glancing at the piano, now the bookshelf, now the TV, attempting to trigger whatever this experience would turn out to be. How much longer? My mind and body were upset with me. They wanted a release. <br> <br> My eyes trailed to the Oriental rug. Burgundy, honey colored rings and wavy lines danced across its length. Isn’t it insane how our brain gives us the ability to distinguish these patterns? And what exactly are patterns anyways? My mind was lost in thought while my eyes danced along the fabric. This is just a photograph of life itself, I mused, like how I get fucked over, again and again and again. The brown and reddish lines were swimming in the larger pools of the cream colored background. For a second, I had the weirdest urge to jump into the carpet and surf along the shores of the fractals I saw. After weeks of what was the bastard child of agony and numbness, I felt connected. And god damn did it feel GOOD. I let out a sigh of relief which echoed electrically through the currents of my body. Energy. I had to move. I broke my trance with the rug and rose from the living room floor- I hadn’t even realized I sat myself down. I traversed to the kitchen, and there, in all its glory, lay my iPod. <br> <br> Why weren’t you listening to music before? My mind ventured, irritated. <br> <br> Milliseconds later, my headphones were on, and Radiohead was blasting through my skull in a dazzle of alien time signatures and chords that have yet to be named. Normally, I wouldn’t listen to Radiohead- I couldn’t understand their music and thought it was overly obscure. And there I was, staring into space listening to the ambience penetrating my eardrums. It smashed into me like a brick wall. The jigsaw fell into place out of absolutely nowhere. While I normally had no sense of rhythm, beats were beginning to reveal themselves to me and the strangeness became oddly clear; music was redefining itself. <br> <br> “Wow,” I whispered, and it was in this stretched out moment that the world opened her dreamy eyes and let me in. Having remembered the ever-sleepy Cheshire cat, I opened my mouth-cavern and pried the feline off my tongue. I couldn’t help but stare at the now faded contour that made up its face. Just like in Alice in Wonderland, its body was nearing invisibility, while its infinite grin tore through my field of vision. 'Couldn’t you have given me five more minutes?' The teeth didn’t move, but the cat seemed aggravated- the disappearing curves and lines were writhing around like wet noodles. It disturbed me, so I tossed the tab into the garbage, cat and all. “Well, that takes care of that.” It’s extremely unnerving to have inanimate objects be unhappy with you, so I left the kitchen, returning to the living room in search of adventures. <br> <br> The rug was literally throwing a dance party- I could see every thread and seam moving in unison with each other, swaying to my music. <br> <br> 'How can you hear my music from all the way down there?' I was mystified. <br> <br> “It’s because you are one in the same with the rest of existence, and you never bothered to realize that,” Life responded nonchalantly. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">“It’s because you are one in the same with the rest of existence, and you never bothered to realize that,” Life responded nonchalantly.</div></div> If reality was truly based on perspective and perspective only, life had a point- everything around me was changing its shape based solely on what I was hearing. The wooden panels of my floor resembled nighttime on the fourth of July- the warped oak was expanding, contracting and wiggling around, and within the crazed orgy of movement I could discern faces that had no distinct features other than the emotions they conveyed- that one was happy, this one afraid, that one surprised- there were millions of them. And though they all were so different, they were the same. I had once again managed to sink to the floor, a fluid motion that felt like an elongated second. Once down, the floor became a cloud and the faces floated around me. I couldn’t feel myself sitting, which was odd, because I knew I was. <br> <br> <pullquote>“This is…so weird.” <br> <br> Did I just say that, or did I simply think it? I couldn’t tell</pullquote>, because Radiohead was set on grabbing my attention. My hands rose, and I began to conduct. Every swish and hand movement felt like a tectonic plate moving across millions of miles. The wooden faces danced to my conducting, changing their emotions and expressions every beat. I was a maestro. The synthesized music was reaching a climax and my head was rushing like a coaster in mid-drop. My hands became blurs, leaving salmon pink trails behind them every time I moved. Like comets. A benign pit in my stomach lifted me upwards, begging me to move. I couldn’t resist. Why would I refuse? and walked straight to my front door. My hand reached for the doorknob, its cold metal touch seeped through my skin, shooting through my body like an icicle. I was a snowman, but I could move. The door opened, my feet moved forward (though I couldn’t feel them) and the world was reborn. <br> <br> A bright, white light shredded my retinas, but I wasn’t blinded- I was seeing life for the first time. When the white smoke cleared, the colors that emerged sent me spiraling into a thousand thoughts that had no beginning, end or middle. Although late December was generally dreary in the Northeast, today…today was breath-taking. The strip of forest across the street was glowing, the bark much more purple than the brown it was supposed to be. Rather than seeing every tree as an individual, I saw them as a unified entity- they were melting to the ground while simultaneously shooting upwards. Mesmerized, I hadn’t even remembered to put my coat on and descended the stairs, zombie-like, towards the trees. The magenta branches were waving at me, holding hands, dancing underneath a sky that was burning sapphire. They were beckoning, calling my name, and it rustled through the wind which blew through my face. <br> <br> “Come to us,” they called, in a voice that was not verbal- it was too ancient to be auditory, for the trees were so very old and did not have the ability to speak. It was…telepathic. <br> <br> 'How long have these trees been here for?' My mind asked me. <br> <br> “Who knows?” I responded, walking across the asphalt street which looked more like a stormy sea of blackness. “You think these trees are old? You do realize that there are redwoods that were born centuries ago? You can’t even begin to perceive a grain of time.” <br> <br> The trees were now in front of me, tall and looming. I walked beside them, without any particular destination in mind. I was too involved in my surroundings…but why? What did this mean? Why was I so transfixed on these trees? This asphalt? I still couldn’t feel my feet, but I sensed the movement. My mind was trailing into millions of directions at once, and at some random moment it hit me. <br> <br> I am being watched. <br> <br> This thought invaded every fiber of my being instantaneously, without any warning. It reminded me of those times when I was a child, when I’d face one direction in my sleep, petrified that a monster was about to rip my head off from behind me. But I didn’t have eyes in the back of my skull, so it could happen at any minute. And I knew it would- I felt its eyes searing through my spine, eyeing my body like fresh meat. <br> <br> “This is ridiculous,” I muttered. Was my voice shaking? Why? Why? My mind was chattering and I longed for it to shut up. <br> <br> I’MBEINGFOLLOWEDRUNAWAYI’MBEINGFOLLOWED. <br> <br> The feeling hit me once more like a thousand knives. IT’S GOING TO EAT ME AND GOBBLE ME UP. I jumped, whirled around, and came face to face with no one. I could have SWORN someone was behind me. What’s going on? Why is this happening? I didn’t like these feelings. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I jumped, whirled around, and came face to face with no one. I could have SWORN someone was behind me. What’s going on? Why is this happening? I didn’t like these feelings.</div></div> Uneasiness was now joining this new found paranoia and as I turned to seek comfort in the branches of the forest, uneasiness turned into pure fear. The branches that were purple just seconds before had become dark brown bramble and thorns dripping a black substance that oozed out of the pores of the bark. The thorns rose from the forest floor and were reaching out, reaching AT me, trying to grab me- each thorn was a spike that splintered off into a thousand other little thorns. They didn’t have mouths, and yet their mouths were foaming. They were after me. I heard myself losing control and screamed. Had I been rational, I would have realized just how loud I was. And the trees spoke to me. <br> <br> “Poor little girl, got yourself lost in Oz, have you?” it was the most malicious voice. It enjoyed my pain, it enjoyed my suffering. It wanted me to be afraid, and it wanted to get me. It fooled me into thinking it was behind me but GOD no it was NEXT TO ME. Oh my GOD. I felt fear physically for the first time- boiling lead poured down my mouth, my throat and spread into my esophagus tingling every nerve it could find. It controlled me and I tried to run, the world around me losing color by the second, becoming more and more alien. I ran, crossing streets, and roads, how fucked up I must have seemed, how so very crazy and manic. The trees were behind me, laughing, screaming and pointing their oozing, broken fingers at me. <br> <br> “COWARD! COWARD! COWARD!” their words hit me like bullets and panic was holding me down. I wanted to fall into the pavement (which now seemed translucent and blue) and hide. But I kept going. Before I knew it, my phone was in my hand, and I was struggling to remember numbers. <br> <br> “What are numbers? WHAT ARE THEY?” Mind shrieked, and the touch-screen was swirling with pixels that I couldn’t understand. After mindlessly punching in random digits and tearing my headphones off, I somehow managed to dial my friend, Karen. The phone was ringing, but to me it sounded like a blaring horn, blazing at a million decibels. I was still walking, though my legs now felt like pieces of steel. I was molasses, and I could barely move. As the horn ravaged my ear, I was nearing the a local<!--Bullough’s--> Pond. <br> <br> “It’s…the best place…the safe place. It’ll be better. Right…? Right?” I couldn’t answer my minds whimpering, because I didn’t know. I didn’t know ANYTHING. I was a fool, and I was weak. I was a single human being, a human being plagued by madness and panic. <br> <br> “Hello?” Karen’s voice drifted from the metal pressed against my face into my head. <br> <br> Help me. I’m having a bad trip on acid. Help.” I babbled pathetically. My voice sounded robotic- it wasn’t my voice. I was losing my sense of identity…that wasn’t my voice. <br> <br> “THAT’S NOT MY VOICE” my mind was nearly wetting itself. But it wasn’t my mind anymore. <br> <br> “You’re what?! Try and calm down. It’s just a drug.” <br> <br> “HOW CAN YOU SAY IT’S JUST A DRUG?” I shrieked, and a couple birds flew out of a tree nearby. Their beaks dripping blood, and their faces were skeletal, burning through me with gazes that sent the urge to vomit straight through my system. <br> <br> “…Calm down. You’re overreacting. Where are you?” <br> <br> I couldn’t even respond. My throat was closed, closed by adrenaline, sewn shut by the fractals that were dancing through my peripheral vision. I didn’t want to answer her because: <br> <br> “She’s in on it. This is a scheme.” Mind said to me, and each word it spoke sent another jab of panic down my spine. “They’re all in on it. They want me to go crazy. Every single one of them. I’m fucked up. I’m dead. GAME OVER” <br> <br> My phone slammed to the ground and I followed. I saw a girl lying on the pavement by the pond. Contracted into the fetal position, rocking back and forth like a boat in a storm. Muttering gibberish. Was this me? Suddenly, I lost sense of existence. I was staring out into the world, but I couldn’t comprehend what that was. I just saw colors, lines and shapes. I didn’t know I was lying on the street, and I didn’t know what I was. I didn’t know I. I blinked, blinked and blink, and then every negative emotion and every positive emotion ever created rushed deep inside my brain and exploded there. If I was able to comprehend physicality, I would have screamed, but I just lay there, mental shrieks bouncing off my brain and into the nothingess of my minds oblivion. It was the loudest mute sound I had ever heard and it was tearing my insides apart. My organs melted and oozed out of my body. I took the damage. I was no longer seeing the physical world. I was seeing photographs of my past, but not visual pictures…it was more like a bat’s echolocation. Quick, sharp, blinking visions of rainbows and spectrums that was epileptic by nature. They spoke to me. <br> <br> 'Who are you?' <br> <br> I…I don’t know, I replied. All I could think about was how pathetic I was, and how broken and crazed. <br> <br> 'Why don’t you know?' The rainbows pulsated whenever they spoke, the colors shifting and changing with no actual order. They understood that patterns were simply figments of a humans need to comprehend the world around them. <br> <br> Be…cause nothing actually makes sense. That’s why. I’m crazy. And hated. <br> <br> The rainbows grumbled. They didn’t care for human emotions, for they had transcended that. <br> <br> 'You shouldn’t be here.' <br> <br> Those words stung like the black ooze that poisoned the evil trees from hours ago. No. I shouldn’t be here. Then the bile came like a flood, and I vomited. Again, I had no vision, but I could feel the panic and absolute fear pouring out of my body with the fluids torrentially. It was never ending, and the rainbows simply observed. <br> <br> What did it matter if I was dying? I asked of them. Does it really matter? I’m one fucked up human being, and I’ll be dead in minutes…the world is so unified, so BIG, and I know that you will go on and the world will be alright…isn’t that all that matters? <br> <br> The rainbows continued to exist, not answering me. Shadows without origin or fire leapt to and fro, adding dimensions to the colors. I remembered the trees again, and my self-loathing contradicted my feelings of unity with the world. I was a self-loathing martyr. My ego would die, and so would my body…but the world would go on, with one less screw-up…one less me. <br> <br> The rainbows faded, and I gained my sense of my physical surroundings. Panic still controlled me, regardless of the serenity the rainbows emanated- their tranquility was NOT for me, and my madness was growing like a tumor. <br> <br> “Go home. NOW.” Intoxicated by emotion, I grabbed my phone, unaware of the fourteen missed calls from Karen and began to walk from the way I came. The road beneath me stretched like a rubberband and it didn’t end. It kept going…on…and on…my legs started running but the road wouldn’t end. This was a nightmare. My mind was shrieking again, shrieking at this abomination, why the HELL were the laws of physics breaking down? <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">This was a nightmare. My mind was shrieking again, shrieking at this abomination, why the HELL were the laws of physics breaking down?</div></div> The road was sucking me under and I struggled to keep my head above the current. The asphalt was reaching out, calling my name like those god damn trees. It wasn’t going to end. This road is infinite. My heart was beating faster than 500 beats a second and I was losing my mind. I am a fool. I am pathetic. This road was my punishment. <br> <br> Millennia later, my house (resembling an amalgamation of shapes) came into view. <br> <br> It’s going to feel better…once I go inside. The doctor inside to me lied. I braved the stairs, glancing back into the strip of trees that destroyed me at the beginning of this nightmare and entered my house. It all seemed so different from this morning, but I couldn’t comprehend my surroundings very well. The world was spinning not unlike a carousel and I stumbled to the bathroom to continue my vomit fest. The bathroom tiles were no longer just in the wall- they were moving in and out of their natural places, almost 3D, while others seemed invisible. The square tiles on the floor were becoming circular. I was melting into them. The toilet chuckled and I lost whatever sanity I had left. <br> <br> Screaming, I ran into my room, bundling myself in my green comforter, only to be greeted by thousands of spiders that crawled on me, in me, and into my skin. I was dying. This was fear at its worst and I was losing my mind. Foaming at the mouth. This had to be over soon, right? Right? Then I’ll be okay…I won’t be crazy anymore, right, Doc? Right? Frantically, I looked across the room to my clock on the wall. Everything was buzzing a deep red, angry, infuriated, and evil. It wanted to end me. <br> <br> The clock read 12:30 PM. <br> <br> 45 minutes had gone by, <br> <br> and I had eight hours to go. <br> <br> The LSD had no intentions of stopping.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 88579</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jun 6, 2018</td><td>Views: 8,825</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=88579&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=88579&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Entities / Beings (37), Music Discussion (22), Bad Trips (6), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">175 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Allow me to share a recent experience that was unexpected but illuminating and mostly fun. The short version of the story is that I tripped harder on acid than ever before, and that's saying something considering I've taken LSD at least a hundred times, probably two hundred or more (so many I've lost count). <br> <br> My wife (A) and I had planned to go to a small outdoor music festival a couple of hours from home for a night and a day. I bought beer and food, loaded the cooler, and we headed out when she got off work early in the afternoon. Our plans changed, though, because three or four friends that had been interested in riding along or meeting up with us at the festival all backed out. We were about 45 minutes from the festival, just starting to lose cell reception, when a friend that lived in the town we had just passed called. Long story short, we decided to bail on the festival and go hang out with W at his place and trip. <br> <br> We met up and discussed the plan. A and I decided to take acid (W had some really good liquid) and a little bit of MDMA. Before dosing we all went to dinner at a brewpub and had a couple of beers. We arrived back at W's house around 8 and put the plan in motion. W is usually in possession of some really exceptional acid, stuff that is several times more concentrated than even the (still pretty good) acid I'm used to getting. <br> <br> T + 0: A took a drop from the nearly-empty vial, and I could only get about a half drop out. I definitely wanted to take at least a whole dose, so partly at W's suggestion I filled the vial with fruit juice and drank the rest of the liquid. I can't remember if it didn't occur to me that doing so would yield a dose of at least five or six hits of the strongest acid I've tried (which is probably equivalent to twenty or so hits of the kind of acid I usually eat), or if I consciously decided that taking a lot would be fine even though I hadn't planned to. Usually I am meticulous about dosing, even if I plan to eat a fair amount. On this occasion, I had a go-with-the-flow, 'whatever' kind of attitude about it. Immediately after dosing I also took a pinky fingertip worth of molly (probably about 100mg). <br> <br> What happened next is unusual. Typically the hour or so after dosing is spent with an increasing waking energy, but on this occasion I went nearly immediately to sleep. I had been physically tired leading up to dosing and I think this contributed. I think also the dose was so high that it put me very quickly into a trance state. I remember only being awake a few minutes before passing out hard (T + 00:05). At this point all time reference points are approximate. <br> <br> I drifted in and out of sleep for maybe an hour. At one point I woke up long enough to hear W make a joking comment like, 'A, your husband is weird, he takes drugs and then goes to sleep.' For a while A and W watched TV while I descended deeper into a trance. At some point they made some azurescens tea with about an eight of mushrooms. They split it equally but I only drank about three sips so I don't think it contributed much to my trip. At some point I slipped into a combined state of ego death and dreaming. I was taken far from my normal sense of self at times. <br> <br> T + 03:00. For a while I traveled through a sequence of personifications, experiencing existence as other people I knew or knew of. This phase was quite interesting because it gave me a great deal of insight into why people behave as they do. I felt I was being shown the essential set of personality traits in each person and their most basic motivations and purposes. The experience was very immersive - I felt myself a part of these other people in a way that is difficult to explain. My ego was being broken down thoroughly, but for some reason I was not searching for reference points of self, rather I was content to exist as others for a little while. I was travelling through a +++ and towards a ++++. <br> <br> T + 4:00. At some point this series of incarnations made me have strong realizations about myself and my own essential identity and character. I realized that deep down I am a diplomat and peacemaker, someone uniquely capable of helping draw boundaries in personal relationships and mediating between others in their conflicts or catalyzing their fruitful interaction. These realizations built to a near orgasm of life insight - I felt I was being shown a vision of the rest of my life. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I felt I was being shown a vision of the rest of my life.</div></div> Involved with this vision was an overwhelming feeling that something tremendous had happened, that the normal laws of reality had been suspended. I remember having the idea, at one point, that I had been given the choice to die but had decided to remain alive, and that for this to happen time had stopped and some supernatural force had interceded (enter a ++++ state). <br> <br> The idea of death was not entirely a fabrication of my brain. I was tripping hard enough that I no longer had a sense of having ingested a drug, but I knew on some level that a drug had been involved. At one point I could feel my heart beating extremely fast (what felt like close to 200 beats a minute) and for a couple or a few minutes I had the idea that I was overloading. Strangely enough there was no anxiety or fear attached to this notion. I simply lay back calmly, submitting to whatever would happen. I started to sweat profusely. <br> <br> T + 4:30. Around this time I started to trip hard enough that I was periodically blacking out. In fact I can only remember about five or ten minutes of the period between 10pm and 2am. I had tripped this hard once or twice before (on ayahuasca) but never on acid, even though I really like to eat acid. This is where things started to get a little strange. When I had fallen asleep/gone into a trance I had started to dream. Then when I woke up tripping my nuts off, my mind conflated my dream world and my normal waking reality. As part of the spiritual experience and sense of near-death and suspension of time, I became convinced that a somewhat fantastic reality would soon come true, and that in order to facilitate it I had to convince someone (mainly my wife) of some of these things. <br> <br> The dream reality is hard to describe because it involves so many seemingly random people and events in my life pieced into a narrative that (at the time) seemed perfectly sensible. A few highlights are worth repeating, though. A major theme was the first girl I fell in love with, call her B. I was convinced, among other things, that (even though we had a falling out a while back and haven't spoken since) that at some point soon (whether that night or in the coming days) she would show up with a large amount (like a kilo) of cocaine (?!) and we would all get high and have good sex. A male friend that shared the same name also featured - I thought he, too, would soon show up with cocaine. Even though this friend (B2) and another (D) were at the festival we had planned to go to, I became certain that they would show up at any moment, even though they had never been to the house where we were staying. I was so convinced I even called D's name several times at different points, leaving A and W to wonder exactly what was going on in my head. For about an hour I was narrating this sexual-and-drug-fantasy-tinged dream to my wife as I floated in and out of a deep trance state. <br> <br> This situation was slightly embarrassing of course but my wife wasn't very upset because she knew I was not my normal self. For a little while, when I started to sweat and rant, A (wife) was slightly worried about me and whether I had suffered some kind of mental break. W, who has more experience with people being extremely high, reassured her that there was nothing to worry about. And, really, there wasn't. I was extremely high, but not in any distress. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I was extremely high, but not in any distress.</div></div> It was good that I had experienced sitters around because I might had tried something silly (not necessarily harmful but just troublesome). It was a good example of the importance of not creating fear with someone who is deeply altered. My wife cold have reacted angrily or with stern questions and concern, and this probably would have put me into a bad state of mind. But instead, she listened with kindness and put her hands on my arm and just waited for me to return to normal, which I did before long. <br> <br> T + 5. Eventually the dream state ended and I settle back into a more normal sense of reality, albeit still tripping harder than in a long time. The visuals were extreme, often covering my field in vision in multiple layers so that I could barely make sense of what I was looking at. We went out for a few minutes of fresh air and the sky was amazing. The stars looked far brighter than normal and all looked interconnected. <br> <br> From about T + 6 to T + 10 I lay in bed with A, physically nearly exhausted an on the verge of sleep but kept awake by a still active mind. When we all arose around 8am each of us could tell the others were still powerfully affected. We each drank a bloody mary, had some breakfast, and went back to sleep for several hours. <br> <br> I woke up (T+16) STILL tripping fairly hard. The visuals were no longer overwhelming but were definitely present and I still felt somewhat disoriented. We went for an hour hike and when I got back to W's house I still did not feel normal but had no qualms about driving. <br> <br> The drive home was uneventful (mostly easy highway miles). When we got to the outskirts of our city I decided to take a new route to get to our house from the interstate. At one point I missed a turn and ended up driving around in a big loop in unfamiliar territory for twenty minutes. I thought to myself 'am I still tripping?' but soon made it back to the usual road without much trouble. <br> <br> Upon arriving home I spilled onto the couch in my basement in front of my stereo and passed out almost immediately. I was quite wiped out from the intensity of the experience, and slept from 8pm until about 11am the next day. After a good night's rest I was able to make sense out of what happened (the strange dream-reality overlay) though at the time it had caught me off guard. <br> <br> I have no regrets about the experience even though I had not intended to trip that hard. It was actually pretty fun, and I learned a lot about myself. I probably won't trip that hard again in the near future, but I plan to keep taking LSD with moderate regularity as I have for the last four or five years. That said, though, pay careful attention to your dosages. Psychedelics are powerful, and I am certain that a less experienced person or a person without as comforting a setting could have had a bad trip and suffered lasting trauma. <br> <br> Be careful and respectful, but seek knowledge! Peace...<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 86266</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 28</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jun 14, 2018</td><td>Views: 6,663</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=86266&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=86266&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Guides / Sitters (39), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This is a report of my most profound psychedelic experience. I recorded as much of it as I could in my journal the day after it happened so that I wouldn’t forget any of the finer details. <br> <br> As most people reading this already know, words don’t really capture the real significance of a powerful psychedelic trip, but writing it out really helped me process what I saw and felt<!--. I still have a lot of processing to do, but thankfully sites like Erowid have held my hand through --> and the post-trip confusion that’s made it so hard for me to leave this experience in the past. <br> <br> Set: <br> After an exhausting first year at college, I was more than ready to unwind for the summer. It had been a great year, but towards the end of it I felt like I desperately needed to escape the chaos of campus life. Unfortunately, things were just as chaotic back home. My friends were getting into legal trouble and my folks were going through some kind of mid-life crisis, so I bought a train ticket with what little money I had and went to live with one of my closest friends. <br> <br> About a month before school, I moved back to campus to live in my fraternity house with a couple of brothers that had stayed for the summer. It was a very empowering place; seven of us had the whole two-building compound to ourselves until fall. I was having a great time when I first arrived, but in the back of my mind I knew that the fun wouldn’t last forever. I was spending way too much money on weed, my relationship with my family was terrible, and the shitty campus job I had was barely supporting me. All of that on top of the fact that I wasn’t at all prepared for the school year? I was digging my own grave. But things just didn’t seem... serious. That was definitely about to change. <br> <br> July 5th: Night of the Trip (Setting) <br> Independence Day was brutally fun. When the next day rolled around only a few guests, some beer cans, and a beautifully pungent American pride remained in our courtyard. I woke up just before sunset to the sound of fireworks launching into the sky like the bombs that inspired the Star Spangled Banner. While I smoked away my hangover on the roof and thought about what to do with the long night that lay ahead, a strange and yet all too familiar feeling took hold of me, and maybe instinctively, I knew it was time to trip again. <br> <br> This is where shit gets weird. One of my more interesting frat brothers (I’ll call him Carter) approached me not an hour later with an offer to trip if I could pay for three tabs of acid. This was really strange given that we weren’t very close and I hadn’t hit anybody up yet. Meant to be, or mere coincidence? I’m not so sure, but needless to say I accepted his offer. By now the stars were coming out and the frat was mostly empty. It was a clear, calm night. <br> <br> We’d be giving the third tab to a brother I’ll call Mikey. It would be his first time tripping. Together, Carter and Mikey formed a duo that was both feared and loved throughout our small Greek community for the crazy shit they would pull at parties. They were filth at its finest; it would undoubtedly be a trip to remember. <br> <br> Trip Report <br> We dropped the tabs in Carter’s apartment directly across the street from the frat around 9:30 PM. I was somewhat skeptical of the whole situation. I actually snuck my tab off my tongue after about ten seconds, hid it in my sock, and eventually ended up committing and swallowing the whole thing. Small white blotter. No taste. We did not test it, so I can only assume that it was LSD. There were no other drugs in my system other than THC and alcohol. <br> <br> At 10:30, I could literally feel the come up in my bones. Colors were a little more saturated, my perception was remarkably clear, and I had a gut feeling similar to the one I get when I’m locked in and slowly ascending the first hill of a roller coaster. Things were moving smooth and predictably except for a slightly delayed onset, so the three of us giggled our way back over to the frat in a quest for some joint cones. <br> <br> By the time we arrived at the back door, my depth perception was all kinds of fucked up. We tried to play some basketball but the hoops were suddenly twenty feet tall and swaying like palm trees in the wind. My peripherals were very wide; I could extend both arms all the way out on either side, look forward, and still see my hands. There was also some faint color pulsating. <br> <br> Out of nowhere, a powerful rush started to wash over my body and the stereotypical “I took too much” moment was suddenly upon me. Without saying a word to my tripmates, I decided to go inside and lie down. In hindsight, I should have just said something and stayed with my dudes, because this is where things took a sharp turn for the worse. <br> <br> I entered the nearest room to find my fraternal big brother (mentor) and his friend smoking and drinking beers on the couch. The room is dark except for a few candles and the harsh light of the TV. The various bongs, bottles, and fast food on the coffee table had multiplied into a sprawling city (not a metaphor, literally a city) of glass and paper that seemed to emphasize how much I smoke weed and eat junk food. I laid on the bed in the corner of the room and stared at the television in horror as Joe Dirt’s mullet became a cascading waterfall of smaller and smaller Joe Dirt faces. It was my first time watching the movie, and needless to say, it made absolutely no fucking sense. At this point I had become an alien in a human’s body, so I tried to fit in with the other people in the room by laughing when they laughed too, but it only made them more suspicious of my true identity. <br> <br> As my body began to tense up and sweat, a few dudes from down the block came in and bought some weed. I hallucinated a caravan of maybe twenty strangers that had come with them to make fun of me for being so fucked up; they all stood around my bed and laughed at my discomfort. <br> <br> My mind started to spiral into psychedelic insanity as I realized too late that the fraternity might not have been the most stable place to do this shit. It’s typically a comfortable environment for me but the lack of privacy and slightly occult atmosphere were quickly becoming overbearing. I closed my eyes in an attempt to calm down and was greeted by swirling geometrics and pulsing white lights so bright they should have blinded me. <br> <br> I opened my eyes to find that the walls of the room had completely disappeared into an inky black, endless darkness. The ceiling, now freed of the constraints of walls, stretched high above my head at odd angles where it typically lay flat. It looked and felt like I was in a completely new place. “Left” and “right” nauseatingly merged into a single, impossible direction, but I could still somewhat distinguish between up and down. <br> <br> I eventually forced myself out of bed and went to my own room. After changing out of my sweat soaked clothes, I checked my phone. It was only 11:45. My body was doing okay but my mind wanted this chemical gone. I went outside and projectile vomited what appeared to be toxic green slime. With my tripmates nowhere in sight, I was forced to surrender to the house once more and decided to lay down in an empty room. I must have been delusional at this point, because my goal was to just... go to sleep. I turned off the lights and laid flat on my back, alone. <br> <br> I don’t really know what happened next. I think I passed out and had a kind of fever dream of a tall red figure asking me if I was ready to die. Some of my friends think this was Satan, but I don’t think so; the figure didn’t come across as menacing. When I chose to return to Earth, I almost immediately woke up. I checked the time again. 12:00 AM. <br> <br> The trip definitely switched gears after that. I knew there were a few bad vibes to overcome, but I was suddenly much more comfortable in my intoxication given that I’d literally just defeated death. How much worse could it get? <br> <br> I crept back to my big’s room and found him alone and passed out drunk. Rick and Morty provided the only light in the room. I sat on the couch and became transfixed by the implications of modern entertainment, the show’s trippy themes and tense dialogue quickly plunging me back into madness. At this point I figured the bad trip would never end and that I’d been banished to some form of chemical Hell. Just as I accepted my fate, around 12:15 or so, Carter and Mikey burst into the room. <br> <br> Carter saw what was happening and pulled me off the couch, the two of them surprisingly calm and collected. I didn’t get the impression that they were tripping as hard as me, but they also hadn’t thrown themselves head first into introspective darkness. Instead, they had gone to a nearby river to shoot firework mortars into the sky and had even managed to smoke a few more joints. When I initially chose to go inside and abandon my fellow trippers in favor of solitude, I destined myself for that dark journey. Once we reunited and their playful, energetic presences put me back at ease, I was finally able to succumb to the more positive power of the drug as we wandered the streets like the sweaty, tweaked out acid heads we were. <br> <br> By 1:30 or so, the three of us had walked a mile or two around town and ended up on top of a parking garage. It was a god damn miracle that I was keeping up with them while we walked, let alone that I was able to navigate and hold a conversation amidst constant warps in what seemed like space and time itself, but my motor skills were totally intact. It was a warm summer night, and I found great solace in the breeze as we looked down on the streets below us. <br> <br> Mikey was taking it like a champ. He was showing the signs of a typical first timer, occasionally laughing about how crazy we probably seemed to the rest of the world. When I looked in Carter’s eyes, I saw something else entirely. Whatever visited me that night seems to have visited him as well, but it was apparently not his first encounter. This made me wonder; how much control over the trip do we really have? All I was looking for was a light show, yet there I was, unbelievably more fucked up than I had ever been in my entire life. Mikey provided some sobering insight as we hiked back to safety: <br> <br> “Dude. I get it. I never understood how you could just end up homeless as fuck, wandering around all the time like a lunatic. It makes perfect sense now. Fuck weed, fuck crack… fuck all that shit bro. This is insane. If you got a hold of this stuff and you weren’t ready, what the fuck would it do to you?” <br> <br> What would it do to you? I have always had good plugs, good friends, and a stable environment to trip in, but all of my experiences with psychedelics paled in comparison to this and it was one of my less risky endeavors. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I have always had good plugs, good friends, and a stable environment to trip in, but all of my experiences with psychedelics paled in comparison to this and it was one of my less risky endeavors.</div></div> You could secretly slip someone a pot brownie for the first time and scare the hell out of them, but what happens when you give someone drugs like this when they’re not ready? Most of the people I know going around looking for “acid” are average partiers just looking for some cool colors, euphoria, and whatever else might be bundled in a lower intensity trip. These people (myself included) are usually looking for more of an MDMA / Molly high, but they don’t know how to describe it effectively, especially if they’ve never taken any kind of psych. It got me thinking about how my brothers and I typically make fun of the old homeless men that wander aimlessly around the city covered in dark and mysterious tattoos, but now the three of us had joined them on their endless march. The only difference was that when we finally couldn’t drag our bodies any further, we had a place to rest until normal life resumed. <br> <br> We got back to Carter’s apartment just before 2:00 AM. We took refuge in the same room we had started the trip in, but things were much different than when we’d first popped our tabs. Though it was unbelievably dirty and unkempt, Carter’s room provided the three of us the protection we now desperately needed in order to stop thinking about the outside world. Here we had air conditioning, tons of trippy posters to look at, and bean bags on which we could finally let our brutalized bodies rest. At this point I assumed that we’d passed the peak, but it certainly didn’t look like that was the case. <br> <br> As we all finally relaxed and let the acid do its work, something began to change. Instead of geometric chaos or the usual “breathing,” I saw objects for what they were, yet they were imbued with some indescribable psychedelic power. The room we sat in could have been no bigger than 10x10 feet, but it felt as spacious as an empty ballroom, like I was looking up at a ceiling hundreds of feet above me. The disco lights that spun around us seemed to really be enjoying themselves, and occasionally, they would emit a playful laughter similar to the sound of wind chimes. The posters on the walls did not morph or spasm. Instead, they were buzzing with electric color and pure, radiant beauty, but it was a calm and controlled beauty, almost as if the acid had applied a trippy filter to my everyday vision. When I looked out of the windows, all I saw was an infinite field of stars in every direction. It seemed that the three of us had literally lifted off into space. <br> <br> The ornamental hookah that towered in the middle of the room shimmered with what I can only refer to as electric rainbows. It was blowing a ridiculous amount of smoke. The clouds we puffed would cascade between our bean bags and pool up on the floor like fog rolling through mountainous valleys thousands of feet below us. My pupils were so wide that it almost hurt, but apparently we had ascended past pain into a place where only orgasmic pleasure existed; it literally felt like I was having a full body orgasm. <br> <br> The whole thing was very Promethean, like I was experiencing something that humans are usually not allowed to be a part of. It was also very ritualistic. It was as if the Universe had selected me for some kind of honorable cosmic initiation, but this may just be my ego’s way of viewing it. It definitely made me feel like a badass when it struck me that I was probably the first in my family’s bloodline to ever experience this kind of ecstasy, but the term “badass” falls short of what I felt to be the absolute epitome of cool. I had tapped into the galactic heart of eternal youth and it filled me with a power that I still have absolutely no words for. Lightning literally shot forth from the heavens and struck me with envy, for I had somehow stumbled upon God’s power without believing in God or even knowing that such a thing was possible. (I’m trembling as I wright this.) The energy around us was so palpable that I honestly thought a sober person might walk in and scream in horror at the crazy shit that was going down, when in reality they would have seen no more than three stoners on some bean bags. Crazy shit, man. <br> <br> At one point I felt like our brains were merging into a single unit through some kind of sexual mind-mechanism. A beam of pure energy shot through my skull like a beacon in the night that I could have sworn was visible for miles! Had we left the house to find crowds of cheering people congratulating us on winning life, I would not have been surprised. <br> <br> I did my best to just let it all happen. The three of us didn’t say much for an hour or so but the emotion in the room was palpable and plain in our bewildered facial expressions. Carter handed me a Mountain Dew, and as my hand touched the can and connected the two of us for but a brief moment, the entire room became submerged in a bubbly green liquid. Other than some accents of pink here and there, literally everything in the room turned a brilliant green. Carter’s long, wavy hair began to float as if we were really underwater. This was by far one of the most incredible things I’ve ever witnessed. It was more than just a lucid hallucination... His hair was really floating, his tattoos impossibly meaningful hieroglyphics. He radiated cosmic power. <br> <br> I was fucking awestruck. Behind Carter, through a veil of soda bubbles, I could see that we were still in space. I wanted to get up and stick my head out of the window to see how far we’d gone, but I was far too overwhelmed to move. Lightning struck again, this time bringing with it a shower of candy, the kind you’d see in a children’s cartoon. The little candies danced around me, twirling the fog of the hookah in their wake, each cloud now glowing neon blue. Youth seemed to be an important motif behind this part of the trip, and in an ironic way, it felt like what was left of my innocence was being utterly obliterated by witnessing such fantastic magic. <br> <br> Ever since the moment we’d returned from our excursion to the parking garage, two gigantic speakers had been pumping out an intense mix of hyper-charged EDM that seemed to propel us higher and higher with every beat. It was an impossibly energetic music that seemed to pair perfectly with the carnival of colors that swirled around me, hypnotizing me. I thought about how electronic music might be the perfect psychedelic soundtrack for the modern tripper with its never-ending, constantly evolving sound. At least, it was perfect for the three of us. <br> <br> Time melted away and for what seemed to be an eternity, we sat in that room, the rest of the city fast asleep as we soared to unimaginable heights. By the time the sun was rising, around probably 6:00 AM, Mikey had gone home. With one of our sacred acid bonds severed for good, me and Carter fell awkwardly back to Earth as we smoked one last joint and talked about the trip. At the time, I was so blown away that I didn’t really say much. I sort of expected the credits for my life to roll and someone to shout, “That’s a wrap!” Instead, Carter left me with this: “Now you know what it’s like to be as high as humanly possible.” He said it so causally that it gave me the chills. <br> <br> By 8:00 AM, only an afterglow remained aside from the generally weird feeling I had after seeing such crazy shit. I bid Carter farewell and went back across the street to my room in the frat. After taking an hour long, steaming hot shower, I laid down for a while in shock. My phone fell behind the bed that I’d watched Joe Dirt on, and it would take me a week to find it, but that’s probably a good thing. The enormity of what I’d witnessed made me want to call my mom, call my dad, call 911, fucking ANYBODY. Did no one see my skull beacon?! <br> <br> The next few days were unreal. Smoking weed made me pretty uncomfortable and I was even more reserved than usual. After deciding to go back home and work on myself before tackling school, I did a fair amount of research on psychedelics. Without the internet and its treasure trove of resources, I would have gone insane. <br> <br> This trip changed my life. I gambled and won big time, but I also got a preview of how bad it hurts to lose, and even though I say I “won,” there’s still a price to pay. I cannot share the true nature of what I saw; there are literally no words for it. I’ve never seen it captured in paintings or photos. I’ve heard it in some songs, but still... It’s not the same. Don’t underestimate these drugs. <br> <br> So, there yah go. I’m counting the days till I can blast off again, but I figure it’s best to save such bold adventures for a future me, so I’ve decided to wait until I’m at least 25. Thanks for reading, and peace!!!<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2017</td><td width="90">ExpID: 112070</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Jul 4, 2018</td><td>Views: 3,209</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=112070&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=112070&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This is the story of my first trip two years ago, early May 2015. It was with my ex, Eric. <br> <br> Introduction to Drugs <br> <br> I was 25, and less than a year out of college. Most of the people I knew moved after school, but I was trying to build up an art business despite my computer science background. Eric was a friend in school and one of the only people I still knew in the area. We had a good connection then, and we started talking about life struggles and he offered me a lot of support and wisdom. I was bored with my pretty sheltered life, and I knew he smoked a lot, so we decided to hang out, us both excited for him to introduce me to weed. Things got intimate. We had an incredibly strong connection, but there was a lot of conflict (which is normal for him, but not me). We had so much in common, that, for you Jung fans, I think made me serve as his shadow. <br> <br> Despite the conflict, I loved and trusted Eric a lot. I was really enjoying weed and wanted to try more psychedelics. I didn’t know much about LSD but I was curious. He advertised it as something to help me get past some anxiety issues and fix some of my internal world. I was mainly concerned with doing something fun and interesting. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">He advertised it as something to help me get past some anxiety issues and fix some of my internal world. I was mainly concerned with doing something fun and interesting.</div></div> I read into it to ensure it was safe and learned about it, and became more and more excited. I was especially excited to have the deep, connected, spiritual sex on it I read was possible. <br> <br> Technically, my first experience was with a microdose and a lot of weed, and we just had a lot of incredible sex. But after, he was upset because apparently I made it too much about me and he wanted time on his own. I was confused because he seemed fine at the time, but I felt guilty and was worried about accidentally upsetting him and consuming too much of his time going into our trip. <br> <br> A few weeks later, we planned on actually tripping, and I remember him asking me what I wanted from it. Looking back I was scared of giving the “wrong” answer, but I said I’d love to overcome some personal problems, but I’m not expecting it and just want to enjoy it. A big reason is it was actually something interesting to spend time doing together. We were in a poly triad, and he’d do things with the other girl, but our relationship was just sex and him stressing over existential dilemmas while high to me – the lack of doing things together upset me and it was a point of contention – he saw me asking as disapproval which further worked against me. <br> <br> The Trip <br> <br> We decided to do 1.5 tabs, a bit before dark, at his apartment. We went to the park. He got annoyed when I tried to hold his hand while walking. We got to a bench, and I was pretty horny from the excitement of doing something new, and I tried to kiss him but he pushed me away. I remembered his concerns about taking too much of his time so I tried to focus less on him. <br> <br> We started walking back during the come up. The first thing I really noticed was the ground. There was a tiled area with steps that got very warpy, and it was difficult keep my footing. Eric guided us back, and I saw a metallic piece of trash on the sidewalk, and it kind of blew my mind. I motioned to Eric in excitement and he said “yes, I see the shiny thing.” That amused me a lot and I had trouble not laughing loudly and making a scene. <br> <br> We got back just in time before peaking. The first thing I saw was one of his tapestries. Fractals danced and flowed though the patterns, and I practically started crying over the beauty of it (Eric later said he thought I was crying because I was confronting things). <br> <br> We listened to music, I mainly remember Pink Floyd, as I watched another tapestry. After a while we talked for a bit. I was seeing these Tim Burton-esque figures in the tapestry and tried describing it. I was also seeing kawaii cupcakes in it, with rainbows flowing through them. Eric commented on that being my totem. <br> <br> He brought up a miscarriage I had told him about, that caused me a lot more pain than I expected at the time, saying he thinks “it all” comes back to that. I said “hm, I didn’t think of that,” but I didn’t think so, and luckily I was well past it. He talked about struggling with his weed dependency, and I commented that maybe it was because it was a big part of his identity. At this point I never analyzed him like he did me. <br> <br> I was a bit upset over turning 26 in a few weeks because of a hang-up I have about missing out on fun, social experiences in youth. I was chubby and awkward as a tween, and was intensely bullied. Then I had a really fucked up experience in a small Catholic school I went to for a year, ironically to get away from the bullying. I got depressed and a bit weird and lost all of my old friends because of it. I grew out of that ugly/weird phase, and through college I found a lot of confidence and was well past those things, but I struggled to find the life experiences and social life I’ve desired. Eric was trying to make me feel better about my birthday by telling me 26 was great, because the 26th was his birthday, the exit to his parent’s house, and I think another thing related to him. It was cute, but I think that later made me feel deeper tie to him throughout that year of my life. <br> <br> Things were going well, and I didn’t feel an ounce of fear or discomfort. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I didn’t feel an ounce of fear or discomfort.</div></div> We bonded some more, and eventually tried to have sex. It wasn’t flowing, which was odd for us. We were in the mood in his living room, but changing to the bedroom threw it off. I went in with some expectations of emotional, connected sex, and he initially asked for a blowjob and that he’d take care of me after. I normally loved giving blowjobs, but that wasn’t really what I wanted from this, and I was a bit upset. We recognized things were off, and he motioned to back up in a cute way, I assume with the intent to try again in a bit. <br> <br> The Tunnel <br> <br> We were past the peak, probably around 5 hours since dropping, and he decided to smoke. I was sad knowing it was wearing down (though looking back I still had plenty of good trip hours left) so I followed his lead and took a pretty big hit. After, I think he started stroking my thigh (still not wearing clothes from before). <br> <br> I was staring at his mandala tapestry, and it turned into a tunnel that completely took over the room. It pulled me in and a sensation came over me that was completely beyond words. Before that, I still felt in control and pretty much on Earth, just a magical, rainbowy, fractaly one. The weed took it to an insane level completely outside of comprehension. It felt incredible, and I remember thinking “holy crap, now this is something different.” I was really into it. It was sexual but not at the same time – I think I was panting/moaning the whole time; it was unbelievably intense, physically and mentally, and a completely new sensation. <br> <br> The tunnel broke away and it was like the entire universe revealed itself to me. I was beyond normal seeing, but what I retained was an image of an octopus constellation. At some point I must have regained some thought and realized I was no longer in control, that I was gone, and that I was vulnerable to the power of the entire universe. I started freaking out a bit. It wasn’t bad-bad yet, but I was shocked and scared. What I felt was so out of my normal realm of comprehension that I started to think I must have died. I was saying “holy shit, I just saw the universe,” and asking how to get back to myself. I told Eric I could never have understood him before but now I do. I kept saying “the cupcakes” to try to remember myself. The room started coming back. <br> <br> I could be wrong, maybe he was just trying to explain, but I think Eric was trying to help me get back and to fight it. He really should have known not to do that, not fighting it is rule #1, but he was freaking out too. He’s scared of the void himself, and would later tell me he had a horrible void experience. I forget if this was during this or after the trip, but he had expressed that you should never look too deeply into the void. He also warned me earlier not to look in the mirror. <br> <br> For the rest of the trip I’d go in-between states of hallucinating hard, kind of being in reality but scared shitless, and being in some hell void. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I’d go in-between states of hallucinating hard, kind of being in reality but scared shitless, and being in some hell void.</div></div> There are some gaps in my memory and time got wonky. I had a few different interpretations of reality that would weave in and out. For much of the parts I was capable of thought, I was sure I was dead. A lot of it turned into a religious metaphor (I was an atheist for a decade, but raised Catholic). <br> <br> Tripping Balls <br> <br> We were on his couch, but I didn’t see the apartment, it was like we were in some vessel in space. He was talking to me, trying to explain and help. I don’t remember anything that he actually said for this, but I saw him as this golden, glowing figure. While the metaphor was based on my Catholic upbringing, the imagery had a Greek mythology quality - he looked like a Greek god in a glowing sort of chariot like thing. He assumed the role of Lucifer (I don’t think I thought of him by name, but he was clearly that figure). Not Lucifer “the devil,” or an evil figure, but the light bringer, and the knowledge the acid imbued in me was like eating the “apple.” It seemed like through him was the path to truth and true salvation. But that’s some crazy, heavy shit, and I didn’t fully trust it. I was scared of being tricked and that it was wrong to reach out for what Lucifer offered, and God would punish me for it, or Lucifer himself was tricking me to follow him into hell. <br> <br> Through this I had another narrative running in parallel. I thought Eric, and others that did acid, were changed on a spiritual level and turned into “acid people,” and I didn’t know if that was good or bad. For parts I figured Eric had to have known this would happen, and I figured he was lonely and wanted to pull me into his world so he wouldn’t be alone it in, and needed to trick me to do acid with him to do that. I wasn’t mad about it, I understood, and I cared for him and considered going with him beyond this life, but wasn’t sure I was ready to give up my life as a human. <br> <br> Eric’s attempts to talk me back to myself and reality weren’t exactly working and I started to panic more. Everything turned black, and it was this horrible, torturous emptiness and intense fear that lasted an eternity. Like the fear of a nightmare, infinitely multiplied, with a sort of electric quality. It was like it drained all of the light and love, all of the humanity, from me. You’d expect the experience of nothingness to not have a feeling, but there was something so deeply disturbing and horrifying about it. It felt evil. I can’t imagine any torment in normal reality that could compare to this. <br> <br> For a moment, when I was back and more aware of reality, I was scared I’d grab something off his table and try to kill myself to end the torture. I know I went in and out of that void multiple times, each lasting an eternity to me, at various points while still in the apartment. Some of my memories are explicitly in the third person, from above. I saw myself cowering, trying to back up into the corner of the couch as if something horrifying was in front of me. <br> <br> At some point I managed to get clothes on, I think with Eric’s help. He was trying to change the setting to take me outside (it was around 2am probably). I don’t remember why, but we ended up not doing that. <br> <br> I remember asking him if he killed me (in a scared, childish way), and asking if I was in hell and being punished. I also asked if this was ego death, so part of me understood. At some point Eric was freaking out too, but I don’t know what he really experienced. I remember him saying things like I was this good person with a lot of potential that he ruined, expressing that I was going through a hard time in life, and that I had no self to get back to. I know he had this idea that I didn’t have a strong identity because I didn’t have decorations in my apartment (because all my money went into my business, I actually love decorating) and other stupid, superficial things. To hear from the person you trust as the experienced party that your self is gone forever and you’re ruined is hell in this state. <br> <br> We had one mutual friend still around, his ex, that he was going to call but I told him not to (she would have been so pissed at him, and we weren’t that close). I said to call Adam, who I dated before Eric for 7 years, since I trusted him and the dude is a rock. Somehow I managed to call him and leave a message that I needed help, and I think I got Eric to actually get ahold of him. <br> <br> In the brief moments of understanding I knew Eric couldn’t handle this situation. I tried to express to Eric that it wasn’t personal. I don’t think I felt I was actually choosing between them, at least not romantically. My ex will always be like family to me but I had no desire to get back with him. There was some element of choice though, and I said something along the lines of “I’m sorry, I wish it could be you”. He later said he was just happy to have someone come deal with the situation. <br> <br> I was asking for Adam, mostly for him in reality, as I was sure he’d make things better, but I think it also played into the religious metaphor – I wanted to stay with people and Adam’s name represented humanity. At some point Eric left to his room while I waited for Adam. My memory is mostly black here but I know it was hell waiting, I think I went back to the void. <br> <br> I was really excited to see Adam, thinking that would make things better, but when Adam came, not much changed. I felt safer with him but I was too detached at this point. I think Eric told him to take me to the hospital. He actually started to take me back to my apartment, but I think I asked to go since Eric said I should. I experienced a looping eternity that was slightly different in the car; it may have even been the worst part. I’d describe it as sharper and less pure, with some visual component – blackness but with streaks of light coming form the streetlights. The loops made it more horrifying, but it’s hard to compare at that level. I probably only think it was worse now because it was actually less intense and more comprehendible, and there was a bit more self present through it to create a more solid memory of the experience of it. Apparently I seemed calm through this. <br> <br> Hospital <br> <br> Suddenly I was checking into the hospital, and I told them that I took LSD and then smoked weed. From this point on I was completely in a raw, childlike state. While there, I spent a lot of time questioning reality, trying to use logic to determine what was real. I spent a lot of time talking though things, trying to make sense of it all, seeing connections and meaning in everything. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I spent a lot of time talking though things, trying to make sense of it all, seeing connections and meaning in everything.</div></div> <br> <br> There was a thread of me that understood what reality was, but I wasn’t sure that reality was true. I knew if it was, I should be careful what I do, because I may have to deal with the consequences in reality. I was also scared I’d convince myself that I had to do something that would be embarrassing or destructive in reality. Part of me knew I could believe anything in this state. <br> <br> I was a bit scared I ruined my life for being “caught” doing an illegal drug, but I didn’t dwell on that too much. I was confused because I recognized that me tripping balls and freaking out would look pretty funny in reality, but no one found it entertaining. One nurse sort of had the expression of “ha, stupid girl tripping,” and I actually really liked that, it made a lot more sense and felt more real than everyone else being so apathetic. Adam called him over but it was awkward. <br> <br> I was pretty sure the hospital was purgatory. Everything played into the metaphor, and I went back and forth between thinking the staff were angels and being scared they were demons. The rooms were in a circle, and sometimes someone would push a cart full of stuff past the rooms. I remember, each time, the stuff being pushed past got larger (I think it actually did in reality). I was scared of what would be next. It seemed significant. <br> <br> Adam stayed with me, talking to me kindly. For someone with no drug experience, he did a great job. I thought he was God, but sometimes I’d get scared and think it was a trick and he was actually the devil, or that he was God but God couldn’t really be trusted. His face would transform between this almost rock like texture that was God, and a cliché red devil when he smiled. When that happened I’d get scared and ask him why he was so ugly - luckily he didn’t take that personally. I think I explained how his face was transforming. At some point it made sense that he was actually God in my life all along. <br> <br> While Adam was firmly God in my head, I asked him a lot of questions. I’d get emotional about a topic and switch it quickly. My mom has MS, and I was very upset about her suffering, and suffering in general. My relationship to my mom is a bit weird; she’s in her own world and is hard to relate to. I don’t talk about her much normally but I have a lot of guilt associated with her. I asked him a lot about why suffering exists - it didn’t make sense. He kept saying things like “that’s just how things are,” but I wasn’t really taking that and it frustrated me. I thought God was full of shit. It bothered me how unfair things in life were. <br> <br> I discussed some other things with God. I thought I could see things in a certain way, and see beauty in things that many others could not. I asked about that, and wanted everyone to see the beauty in things like I did. I don’t think I was just referencing the tripping visuals, though that was part of it. I thought I really saw things differently than the average person. Not to sound like a special snowflake or say I’m unique, but that I had some gifts. I believed I was highly creative and that my ability to love, empathize, and see connection was pretty far down the bell curve. I felt like if everyone could see things more like I did there wouldn’t be hatred and violence in the world. I felt a strong child force in me, and I was very scared of losing that. <br> <br> Though he was God to me, he was also my ex. I told him that I really loved Eric, that he and I were “of the same” or something like that. I was without filter, but I then realized that could hurt him and felt bad, and told him that I’d always love him and he’d always be really important to me. I tried to explain, saying he and I didn’t have that type of bond, and that he couldn’t really understand me on a deep, personal level because he wasn’t like me. I felt bad about that afterwards, he had a girlfriend but wasn’t completely over me yet. Luckily he understood. <br> <br> Before the freak-out, Eric jokingly expressed the importance of staying hydrated. He had a blue plastic cup. I was very thirsty, and asked for water in a blue cup, thinking that would do something. The hospital staff refused to give me water until they checked some blood work to see what I took (which I don’t remember them taking at all, but Adam says I fought it a lot). I was getting very dehydrated; Adam told me my lips were even cracking (I could sort of feel that but I was pretty detached from my body). That started to get me thinking more that the hospital staff really were demons trying to trick me, because who would withhold something as innocent and life giving as water? I was very scared of being tricked into hell. I obsessed over water and its meaning. <br> <br> I was still scared I ruined my life for being caught on drugs, and I wanted to be back with Eric in his apartment. At some point I was getting the message loud and clear that I could choose my own reality. I thought I could change reality and get back before the bad parts happened. I wanted to be with him. I thought the water would take me, but shockingly enough, when I finally got it (it took hours), nothing happened. To be fair, it wasn’t in a blue cup, that’s probably why. <br> <br> I saw a magic door appear in the hallway. It was incredible, kind of like what you’d expect a door that took you to some trippy dimension would look like. It had elegance to it, and I think it was hollow and with purple, glowy details, like an elaborate gate, with a bit of grey alien meets grateful dead look. Still confused over what was actually good and bad and what was a trick, I debated if I should go towards the door. I thought it would take me to the next plane of existence, but at the same time thought it would let me control reality and get back to Eric. At some point I apprehensively decided it was worth it and tried to go, but Adam held me back. I then decided I wasn’t ready and needed to be back with people. I asked him if I’d be ready next time. I felt comforted knowing I could go back to people. This may have happened before getting the water. <br> <br> The hospital wanted to give me an IV because my heart rate was way up and I was incredibly dehydrated (no shit -.-). I was very scared of that; I was pretty sure it would trigger something significant. At this point I was mostly back to the “devil tricks” interpretation, and I thought the IV would take me out of purgatory, permanently killing me, or take me to hell. I remember saying no firmly, that I didn’t consent (I never talk firmly like that), but they told me it didn’t matter because I took an illegal drug. They got a big security guy to come. Adam said he came clearly expecting someone aggressively resisting, but then realized I was just very scared. He was nice, they did the IV, and, another surprise, IVs don’t actually teleport you to hell. <br> <br> Adam had to leave for a bit. When he was gone I went pretty deep into psychosis, talking to myself the whole time, trying to figure out what was real. I knew how long acid lasted and the parts of me that knew I was reacting to a drug kept looking at the clock, desperate for this to end. Time was still behaving oddly. I don’t remember much after that; I assume they gave me some drugs and I think I fell asleep. <br> <br> Adam came back. I wasn’t really tripping anymore but still very out of it. He tried to help me eat but I couldn’t stomach much. I think it was at this point, but it could have been earlier while I was still tripping, Eric got his mom to call me – she had experience when she was younger, and she was the only voice I truly trusted. She was calm and it helped a lot to talk to her – I was really touched by it. I wanted to talk to Eric, I asked about him, I was worried and wanted to know he was okay, but she said he was dealing with his own stuff right then. <br> <br> He also got his friend who is very experienced to reach out to me. It was hard for me to believe what I experienced was something other people had, it seemed way too insane, but he told me it was “normal” and talked a bit and made me feel much better. <br> <br> I was still out of it for the rest of the day and I don’t even remember going home. Adam and I both passed out as soon as we got in. I think 6, maybe up to 8 hours passed in the hospital before I was finally able to sleep. I felt normal again the next day. <br> <br> After <br> <br> I was actually completely fine and happy after this trip. It was hell but so interesting, the experience itself and the insight I gained through being in that raw state. Despite all of the fear and apprehension, I appreciated myself for how I reacted in many ways and what seemed ultimately important to me. The love I felt for Eric made me feel strong and I even wanted to try again. <br> <br> I asked to see him, but he didn’t really want to yet because it would be too hard for him. He said that he spent the rest of the trip worried he’d never be able to have sex again. We talked a lot, and it was a good conversation, so he agreed to see me for a bit. We talked outside (he couldn’t deal with me being in his apartment), but he shortly had to leave to go to the movies with his other girlfriend. I was in a very good mood with an open mind so that didn’t bother me then, but now it does. <br> <br> He broke up with me a few weeks later, on my birthday, online, during an argument. I wasn’t expecting to be so shattered. I’ve had hard breakups before, but everything between us and the trip made it too much for me. He refused to talk for a month, but then we were friends for a bit. I felt better with that but his selfishness bothered me and I needed him to acknowledge how he wronged me and the pain he put me through (not the trip, I didn’t blame him for that, but abandoning me and other ways he treated me). I kind of asked for some of that acknowledgment before but wasn't getting it, so I just told him it was too hard for me, that I loved him and missed the intimate bond too much (which was also true), but that I’d always be there for him if he needed me. I really thought he’d do the same. <br> <br> Despair <br> <br> I was unfortunately very alone in a time of change in my life, and I believe this trip opened a door that allowed me to tap into the intense emptiness and discomfort of the void. I suffered greatly. Being alone after this was worse than I could have imagined, but I couldn’t feel right about new connections I was trying to form. Every day I’d wake to a horrible feeling of dread that everything was wrong and I’d panic. I didn’t know it was possible to feel that bad. I wasn’t sure it wasn’t a “normal” reaction to having your life fall apart, but there was something about it that felt too much like the trip. After more, good trips I occasionally feel something good that definitely came from tripping, so I’m pretty sure this bad feeling is related as well. <br> <br> Everything with Eric started to get to me, and I realized just how wrong so many of his actions were. I learned that he’s been very destructive to others. He has a way of picking people apart, responding to anything he interprets as criticism by spinning it back around and telling the person why their opinion is invalid, citing personal things that are “clearly” tainting their judgment. <br> <br> I knew he didn’t want to be an ass and would truly try to be better, but his discomfort with guilt and need to feel perfect would stand in the way. He is a broken soul, but I saw in him a good heart and loved him to the depths of mine. I didn’t like that he was clearly troubled and neurotic, but there was a certain chaos he possessed that I found beautiful. He was introspective and open to many perspectives, and should have been better than this selfish control-freak living in denial and running from himself. <br> <br> Throughout our relationship, he analyzed me a lot and tried to “help” me face problems he assumed I had. I tend to entertain and explore ideas, so in the beginning I felt he was helping me explore and challenge myself and I could grow from it. I enjoyed the level of openness. I now know this wasn’t about helping me, it was his selfish way of dealing with his own problems though me that allowed him to bypass personal discomfort and stay in control (subconsciously of course, I highly doubt it was intentional, though he does actually choose to be selfish). <br> <br> He projected all of his problems onto me, and did the opposite with the other girl, to the extent where he couldn’t see any good quality in me that she also possessed. It became too much for him, and I feel he later discarded me in an attempt to discard the problems he projected onto me, citing his right to do what he needs to in the pursuit of his own happiness. The contrast with the other girl, who was actually a lot like me in many ways, would torment me. I truly wanted him to be happy, but the pain of knowing they were doing all of the fun things together that I wanted to do, while I was struggling to cope with this, was torture. Images of them having sex were burned into my mind, and I couldn’t do anything sexual without seeing it. <br> <br> I reached out asking for help, saying that I needed some acknowledgment. He refused, saying he didn’t think he did anything wrong, except not warning me about how much more intense weed makes a trip. My love for him was still important to me, despite everything, and I couldn’t come to terms with his lack of compassion for me. I went a little nuts, trying to explain how I felt and how this hurt me, and how I understood and still saw goodness in him, but that some of his actions were blatantly wrong. I trusted his intentions and was hoping he’d understand and just say that he was sorry, but he just saw that as me being abusive to him. He made me feel guilty for demonizing him, as someone he had strong feelings for and loved endlessly. He said he only ever wanted to help me find happiness. I’d get frustrated, because his actions didn’t seem to be those of someone who loved me and cared about my happiness. <br> <br> For 6 months I’d spend all day crying and having panic attacks (this interfered with my business, so I was unemployed and living off savings). At my worst I’d ask Eric for help – still feeling like I needed a conversation about this, but he refused, stating he didn’t think that would help me and that maybe he’d be willing after 5 years. He’d talk a bit online, but to him, this was his past, and now was entirely my problem and my responsibility. Part of me believed that, and I felt guilty for trying to get him to talk when he didn't want to, but I felt like it was something we got in to together, him knowing the risks that I couldn’t really understand, and I felt betrayed. <br> <br> Tripping Again <br> <br> I became friends with the guy who talked to me during it. He is very experienced with an incredible understanding of psychedelics, and he helped me have a good trip a year later. We did two tabs, he helped me get past some fear, and it was like the void but opposite; the universe gently opened up and I floated down this white light that felt like heaven, still very intense, but pure bliss. I felt like I was able to break some of the ties I felt to Eric, but I still cared about him deeply. I had a couple more good trips with this friend and handful on my own, and it definitely helped a lot, but I still always think of Eric, and it’s always heavy and intense – not like how it was in the beginning with Eric, before the tunnel. <br> <br> I’m still alone, and still suffering, struggling to feel right about new people. It’s not that I think they will hurt me, I’ve met some great people who I know I could trust, but I just can’t feel right about it. I feel like I lost a lot of myself, including that child in me, through my struggle with coming to terms with my ex and the abandonment after such an intense and profound experience. I’m moving soon and I hope that a new place will help me rebuild myself, but he will always be a part of me. It’s like he was a large part of the material I used to rebuild myself after my ego was shattered, and now he is embedded into the foundation of who I am. I hoped killing my ego again would erase that, and it almost felt like it did, but I can always find him there; I think the first time is significant. I just hope one day it will be easier to live with.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2015</td><td width="90">ExpID: 110159</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 25</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Aug 11, 2018</td><td>Views: 7,433</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=110159&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=110159&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Post Trip Problems (8), Relationships (44), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">30-40 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2cb/">2C-B</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">175 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> This report is a summary of my first experience combining LSD and 2C-B. <br> <br> LSD is definitely my drug of choice. I've used it over 100 times, with positive results almost every time. It also works wonders for my borderline personality disorder, scaling the symptoms back until I hardly notice them at all (I usually take 3-4 hits every 2 weeks). In the past, I've only ever combined it with MDMA or cannabis, and these days those substances aren't really my jam. <br> <br> I've had 2C-B three times prior to this experience, once orally (20 mg), once nasally (12 mg), and once both (30 mg, with two bumps of unknown quantity after the peak). My experience of 2C-B was very different from my friends' descriptions of it (dose may be a factor here). They talked about mind blowing euphoria and incredible visuals. I have yet to experience either. At first, I wrote 2C-B off as underwhelming, but I've come to see it more as subtle. I experience a deepening of colors similar to mescaline, and an openness, confidence, and loss of inhibition similar to MDMA. However, I experience a great deal of anxiety, evasiveness, dishonesty, and general inauthenticity on MDMA, and experience none of that on 2C-B. With 2C-B, I find myself to be compassionate with myself and curious about my emotions. I also have found 2C-B to be much more comfortable at concerts or large gatherings than MDMA, giving me opportunities to appreciate the nuances and nature of my social anxieties in a different, more compassionate, light. <br> <br> The day of the experience, I'm alone in my rural cabin. I've been having a long term issue with an incredibly persistent poison ivy rash, and I'm slathering my body with medication, but the poison ivy medicine has no impact on the trip. I'm taking no other medication. I set the following intentions for the trip: 1. To understand my own misanthropy and find a way to forgive human beings for being dicks. 2. To understand what best I have to offer the world. 3. Music was once one of my greatest passions. I haven't been playing much, and I want to know where to go from here. <br> <br> I'm feeling nervous about the trip, since I don't know how the two drugs will interact. Specifically, I don't know if they'll have a synergy that pushes me into an unusually powerful psychedelic state. My hand is shaking as I pour the 40 mg of 2C-B out of the baggie and onto a piece of paper, and I end up spilling a bunch of it and having to get it off the floor. I don't know how much I lost. So, the dose was probably somewhere between 30-40 mg. I put it in my mouth with four tabs of average potency LSD blotter. I do a small grounding ritual, burning sage and paulo santo, and I start putting together a music playlist. The LSD starts coming on quickly. I can feel strong alerts at 20 minutes. Oral 2C-B gives me weird indigestion feelings, and those start coming on at 30 minutes, though it's definitely background noise compared to the LSD. I set an alarm for the playlist, and sit down to meditate. <br> <br> 75 minutes after dosing, I feel myself peaking. As is typical of my LSD peaks, I find myself in a sort of CEV movie, experiencing archetypal human events from a transpersonal perspective. I'm not thinking as Mujo Lila anymore, in fact, my ego's dissolved enough that he's an afterthought. The movie almost feels like a trailer for the human race (violence, suspense, sex, drama, etc). Nothing particularly insightful here, though it's pretty cool. After about twenty or thirty minutes of that, Mujo comes back, and I get off my meditation seat to do some yoga. <br> <br> About 2 hours after dosing, I start having a cosmic experience, downloading the purpose and history of organic life on the planet Earth. Whoa. This is new. It seems as though I'm communicating directly with an interdimensional being whose job it is to program and optimize organisms in this world. He (it?) very enthusiastically shares with me the story of organic life and what we're used for (some kind of large scale intergalactic data storage. Apparently, organic data storage is to their dimension what microprocessing is to ours). I have no idea how seriously to take all this, because drugs. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I have no idea how seriously to take all this, because drugs.</div></div> But I am offered some compelling explanations for the nature of the human psyche, and the importance of forgiveness, love, and compassion. This interaction coincides with the album Fairchildren by Ott in the playlist, and as it ends, it seems like the communication is ending too, so I start the album over, and the communication keeps going. This takes care of intention number 1. <br> <br> The whole interaction lasts about 90 minutes. Fairchildren ends for a second time, and I let the playlist continue. The trip moves immediately into its next stage, and I start thinking about a fantasy novel I've been working on (I'm 40 chapters deep on the first draft). I'm witnessing the arc of one of the characters, and I realize that it doesn't go where I initially thought it did. Instead of going to the misanthropic place I had originally intended, her trajectory shifts gears towards forgiveness and rebirth (with a sudden flood of CEVs to go with it). I realize that this change ripples throughout the entire world of the novel, changing the entire ending of the book. It feels like a missing piece has fallen into place, and suddenly all the themes and character arcs of the book make perfect sense. I stew on this for about 20-30 minutes, thinking about how I can best engineer this book to inspire people towards forgiveness. I think about how writing is my greatest talent, and how to use it for the good of other humans. This takes care of intention number 2. <br> <br> 4 hours after dosing, I start thinking about music. I realize that I have at least two dozen unfinished recordings on my hard drive, and that I ought to finish and perfect these tracks before moving on to new things. I don't need to learn a new instrument or a new genre. I need to work on what I already do well. I pick a song with a good hook that needs more development and work on it for a while, adding a good bass line. This takes care of intention number 3. <br> <br> 5.5 hours after dosing, I'm still hung up on the CEVs from a couple hours ago, and I get out a big sheet of paper and start laying the groundwork for some art. It's a little tricky, because my hands tend to shake when tripping on LSD, but it's all just pencil and outlines at this point anyway. I'm feeling very inspired / determined, and work for about 90 minutes, leaving some strong foundations that I can come back to later. I can tell already that this is going to be one of the most elaborate pieces I've ever made, and that's exciting. As I'm working, I can't help but notice how lucid I feel. I joke to myself that I could talk to my congressman and my pastor (I don't actually have a pastor) in this mental state. But the more I think about it, the less true that probably actually is. <br> <br> At the 8 hour mark, I round a bend, and the trip comes down substantially. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">At the 8 hour mark, I round a bend, and the trip comes down substantially.</div></div> I felt sober an hour or two ago, but now I actually am sobering up. I'm not sure what to make of that. 2C-B seems to impart much more lucidity and clarity than LSD. I don't feel like I'm tripping, but I'm still definitely tripping, definitely altered. It's a subtle distinction. Words fail me. <br> <br> I spend the rest of the day relaxing, eating, and dancing. Music appreciation is very high. The better the musicians, the more I enjoy the music. I feel every note in my body, feel exhilarated listening to a great solo or a great fill, playing air guitar or air drums, and having trouble sitting still. I do a qi gong session about 11 or 12 hours after dosing, then go take a shower. I go to bed about seventeen hours after dosing, and sleep for about 6 hours, feeling a solid afterglow in the morning. I'm tired and hungry all day, and after eating a couple small meals, spend the rest of the day in bed. Sleeping feels good. I don't feel lazy, I feel like I'm integrating in a healthy manner. <br> <br> Some thoughts: <br> <br> LSD definitely dominated the experience, but the 2C-B still added quite a bit. I often have big cosmic downloads on LSD, and transpersonal experiences conveying piecemeal information on the nature and origin of human behaviors, but this went much farther than usual. So much of what I experience on LSD verges on the nonsensical, like my brain is trying to process way more than it can usually comprehend. 2C-B took all that cosmic cerebral energy and grounded it in the heart. The virtues of compassion and forgiveness made real, heartfelt sense to me. I felt like my processing power was dramatically enhanced. Instead of the usual LSD mania where my thoughts get carried away with themselves all over the place, all of my thinking was clear, lucid, and grounded (yet still cosmic and transpersonal). The emphasis was less on sheer quantity of knowledge downloaded, and more on how that knowledge could be integrated. <br> <br> I expected amazing visuals, and did not really get them. The LSD visuals remained dominant. 2C-B did take some of the edge off of the body load (LSD makes my shoulders feel like they're stapled to my ears sometimes). Stretching was very easy and felt incredible. Music appreciation was classic LSD, but the 2C-B added an extra layer of joy to the music. <br> <br> I was also impressed that all three of my intentions were addressed. Sometimes I set an intention for a trip, but once it starts, the trip goes in a completely different direction. This time, not only were all my intentions addressed, but in order of importance. Neat! <br> <br> On its own, 2C-B is not a psychedelic that blows me away, like LSD or DMT. But combined with LSD, I felt it brought something to the table that was sorely lacking. LSD can be so cerebral and abstract that I have trouble integrating it into every day life. But with 2C-B in the mix, everything felt integrated before the trip was even over. 2C-B is a grounding earth element next to the far-out air element of LSD. Far superior to candy-flipping. I would definitely try this combination again.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2018</td><td width="90">ExpID: 112271</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 33</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Aug 31, 2018</td><td>Views: 7,136</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=112271&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=112271&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">2C-B (52), LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Music Discussion (22), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 3:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 33:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 120:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Marvellous and tremendously enjoyable <br> <br> Set: <br> Professional male. Mid 50s. Married with children. Psychologically stable. No history of any mental illness. No previous experience of psychedelics with the exception of a small amount of san pedro tea (mescalin) on one occasion. Very occasional cannabis user (about once a year). Attitude towards the experience: curious, interested, enthusiastic, overall calm, slightly nervous but generally confident. <br> <br> Setting: <br> Day two of a six day holiday. Large very private lush terraced garden and house overlooking the Mediterranean. Warm weather. Blue skies. A break to swim and snorkel in a nearby bay in the afternoon. <br> <br> Substance: <br> One tab of LSD consumed in two halves with a three hour interval, augmented by occasional puffs of cannabis. <br> <br> Sitter: <br> Long-standing (older) friend with previous experience of psychedelics. <br> <br> Session: <br> Large healthy breakfast followed by half a tab sublingually for 15 minutes at 0930 and another half at 1230. Initial onset within about an hour. Peak 1300-1500 with a second peak at about 1800. Gentle glide down back to normality at about 2400. Nibbled on food intermittently throughout. <br> <br> The experience: <br> Entirely positive. This was a tremendously enjoyable and fascinating experience. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">This was a tremendously enjoyable and fascinating experience.</div></div> <br> The effects for me were principally visual and very classical. The onset was marked by the appearance of objects (trees, plants, wood, ceramics, rocks and boulders) gently shifting, warping and breathing – most strikingly the bark of a tree became fluid and liquid like. This continued for perhaps four to six hours. <br> <br> I also saw: fairy-like tracers left behind by the movement of my hands, leaves and birds flying past; intensification and shifts of shade (“neon”) and colour (with the leaves of a eucalyptus tree becoming beautifully violet, silver and gold); intensification of depth perception (3D+ or hyper-realism) so that my depth of field appeared almost to be layered into slices; an inversion of up and down (so that the sky appeared as though it were the sea), tilting of solid objects (especially trees) so that objects to the side appeared to be above me; subtle but definite shifting of solid earth beneath me; and the appearance of faces and animal forms in trees. <br> <br> Closed-eye visuals were intense and took the form of brilliant silver and gold lobular patterns. After sunset, different stars appeared quite distinctly as being nearer or further away in a very 3D way. Tactile sensations were also enhanced. At one point I found myself caressing my food as it shifted and warped in my hands. <br> <br> My sense of self remained intact, though there were one or two moments when I did feel myself drifting away (especially after just puffing cannabis). I was reasonably functional throughout, except that using a mobile phone was almost impossible because the screen was flaring and ghosting with colour and patterns. <br> <br> I was able to walk and talk throughout, although my conversation became rather philosophical in an enjoyably tumbling sort of way. I did not exactly lose my sense of time but it is remarkable how sunset and the stars came out so quickly. <br> <br> By late evening, I felt myself returning back to normality. I slept well. I woke up with a slight headache but this went away with coffee and breakfast. Otherwise, the next day I felt perfectly well. <br> <br> Further experiences: <br> The experience was so positive that on the evening of the day after I took another tab! What I did not appreciate was the tolerance effect; so that although the second experience was still pleasant it was very muted and low key. On the fifth day I took another 1.5 tabs but my receptors were still somewhat depleted so that the effect was again somewhat muted. The lesson is that LSD trips really need to be spaced apart by many days or weeks to get the full effect. <br> <br> My fourth experience was about two months later (a little over one tab) and was similar in effect to the first trip – again very enjoyable but the setting was urban and so not quite so magical. For me at least, an environment of nature, trees, birds and tranquillity is the gold standard. <br> <br> Integration/post experience: <br> The experience had let to a deep interest in the psychedelic. I have since become fascinated by the whole subject: the history of psychedelics, their discovery, pharmacology, uses and abuses, benefits and risks, psychedelic art, music and philosophy. <br> <br> I fully intend to continue with my explorations of the psychedelic. But what is also clear is that the setting and the company are critical to the experience. The practical reality is that it is not easy to arrange matters so that one has the time, space and environment to enjoy LSD fully. So I suspect that my experiences are likely to be perhaps once or twice a year at most. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I suspect that my experiences are likely to be perhaps once or twice a year at most.</div></div> I see the experience as something that one should respect and treasure, rather than treat casually. The quality of a trip is a great deal more important with LSD than the quantity of trips. <br> <br> I am also curious about the effect of going more deeply and perhaps also combining with edible cannabis. I am not seeking to lose my ego altogether but I am very interested in going beyond the primarily visual. <br> <br> Overall I am deeply grateful to have discovered the God-given gift of psychedelics. The world would be a better place if every politician on the planet were to experience at least one good trip.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2018</td><td width="90">ExpID: 112311</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 55</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Sep 16, 2018</td><td>Views: 6,717</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=112311&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=112311&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Nature / Outdoors (23), Guides / Sitters (39), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 12:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/lorazepam/">Pharms - Lorazepam</a></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">200 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Dose: 1 barrel-shaped tablet; actual dose of the medicine is unknown. It was given to me by an experienced psychonaut who vouched for its purity and potency. <br> <br> Set: My intention was to let LSD take me wherever it wanted to take me. I was particularly interested to experience ego dissolution and to discover what remained after the mind was obliterated. <br> <br> I am a self-professed agnostic and do not have any spiritual side to my understanding of the universe. I was open to having a spiritual/mystical experience and was eager to experience the oft-cited underlying noetic sense of unity/all-is-one. <br> <br> I was committed to trusting the molecule and my own inner healing intelligence. I was hoping for some beautiful closed and open-eyed visuals. I hoped to see what might be behind the free-floating anxiety I occasionally suffer from. <br> <br> My intention was also to have fun with the man who agreed to sit with me. We’ll call him “W.” <br> <br> Setting: I took the medicine at W’s house. W is an MD who has been trained as a facilitator/guide for people doing psychedelics as part of scientific protocols. He shared his beautiful house two blocks from the ocean. He offered to provide dinner and breakfast the next day. We agreed that I drop at 2PM and I would stay the night. He had a wonderful sound system and a playlist of music that he curated himself specifically for people who are tripping. Spacious, comfortable, relaxed, and safe. <br> <br> T: 0:00 I swallowed the pill with a sip of water and did 15 minutes of my usual meditation practice. <br> <br> T: 0:30 My body was beginning to tingle, and I experienced subtle vibrations at the periphery of my visual field. I began to feel gentle waves of energy the way it feels halfway through the first cup of coffee in the morning—only much more wavelike. W was tinkering with his laptop. Impulsively, I sat down on the armrest of his chair and rested my head on his shoulder, asking if he minded if we cuddled a little bit. (He’s straight and I’m a gay man.) He was fine with that. <br> <br> Very soon after I felt like it was time to “go in.” I put on a soft sleep mask and a set of killer noise-reducing headphones and laid down on the couch. <br> <br> (Note: times are VERY approximate and are reconstructed from a review the next day with W.) <br> <br> T: 1:00 The music took on a depth and richness that was breathtaking. I felt the music in layers that I could slip in between. My mind seemed to be turned off, so I wasn’t really thinking about anything. I just kind of merged with the music. We started with music I brought on my iPod, all trippy electronic stuff from the 70’s plus a few more current pieces. <br> <br> T: 1:30 Halfway through a Sigur Ros song, I had to lift the eye shades and take off the headphones. I remember saying that this was “way too much music to absorb.” The room felt like it was undulating and I was a little nauseous. I told W that I didn’t want to be responsible for the music and asked him to take over. What I really was saying was, “I don’t think I am in control anymore,” and wanted him to take over. I laid down on the couch. <br> <br> I had this sense that things were building in a way that I couldn’t explain. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I had this sense that things were building in a way that I couldn’t explain.</div></div> My visual field was distorted as if it were a wet painting that someone was running their fingers through—like finger painting. I started to get a little anxious, so I asked W if he would hold my hand. He did. Almost immediately I began crying—deep racking sobs. W came to me on the couch and held me against his chest while I cried more-or-less continuously for the next two hours. <br> <br> Very little of “me” was there any more. I don’t really remember anything very specific from this time. My mind was in pieces. Language was unavailable. To the extent that there was any “self” there, “I” knew I was the source of an unimaginable volume of radiating love and gratitude for R’s presence. I knew I was safe, and I was ready for what might come. <br> <br> T: 3:30 I started shaking. I have peripheral neuropathy in my feet that makes them feel intensely restless and like there are minor jolts of electricity shooting through them. Only now it was happening to my entire body. All my muscles began to spasm in involuntarily contractions from my core out to my fingers and toes. Bolts of electricity coursed through my body and gave off brilliant white crackling sparks. <br> <br> Everything was completely black around me. I was absolutely disincorporated. I directly felt what was going on in my body, but I was diffusely separated from what was happening. I remembered my intention and decided not to try to resist the spasmodic electrical discharges, but to trust my inner healer. I was certain that this was what was supposed to happen and was happening for a good reason. <br> <br> During brief periods of consciousness, I felt like I was adrift in infinite blackness. I knew the blackness was in no way malevolent, but what simply was. The elements of my personality/self floated in the blackness in fluid puddles like oil packets in water. Occasionally, it occurred to me to wonder what the blackness was or what might be on the other side of it—if there was another side. I pretty much decided that the blackness was “everything/nothing,” but I didn’t feel like I had the energy to be too curious. I was content just to float in between the spasms. This continued for about two hours. <br> <br> Occasionally W would say things to me. One thing I remember was that he thought there was something inside that needed to be let out and he asked me if I could let it out. I think I just shrugged. At some point W changed my shirt because I was drenched in sweat. I don’t remember this. <br> <br> T: 5:30 The shaking stopped and I began to recover a sense of my surroundings. My cognitive processes were still totally scrambled, but I was regaining a sense of self. W kept asking me things like what I wanted to do or if I were too cold. I kept answering him with, “I really don’t have any capacity for measurement or comparison.” This seemed amusing. I just wanted him tell me what to do. <br> <br> At one point, I found myself in the bathroom. I’m sure W took me in there. I don’t know if I asked or he suggested. I was not wearing my glasses during any of this, which left me unable to distinguish much visually. In addition, visual reality was again undulating and distorting. I tried to remember the mechanics of peeing standing up, but this was mostly muscle memory. I wasn’t sure whether the urine was going in the toilet, on the floor, or in my pants. This was really upsetting and made me feel guilty for maybe making a mess. I crawled around on my hands and knees with toilet paper determined to clean up anything that needed cleaning up. Fortunately, I found no mess and my clothes were dry—I think. <br> <br> Somewhere over the next two hours, W cooked dinner while I lolled in and out of consciousness on the couch. The smell of cooking meat was vile and the cilantro was so pungent it was painful. <br> <br> T: 7:30 W told me the next day that around this time I was starting to reincorporate and kept making suggestions of what I might like to do. I had no ideas. I was still profoundly incapacitated, so he had to walk me everywhere. He had this amazing patio with outdoor flame heaters. I found myself unable to tolerate more than the dimmest lighting without actual pain in my eyes and a flooded sensorium. <br> <br> As W escorted me around, it occurred to me that this is what it would be like to be old and in a nursing home. I flashed on a friend of mine who had recently died of cancer and I thought this is probably what he felt like in the last days of being in the hospital. Oddly, this was not a depressing thought, but a neutral, affect-free observation of what the future might hold. <br> <br> W kept trying to engage me in conversation, but I couldn’t make words work. Another flash: like how it must feel to have a stroke. I was feeling tremendously grateful for W’s diligent caretaking and at the same time guilty for making him have to do what felt like to me such a lot of work. I kept trying to ask how I could pay him back or what I could do to pay it forward. He was SO gracious and kept saying he was enjoying himself and felt privileged to be with me during my journey. <br> <br> T: 9:30 Still unable to make words work very well, control over all my other functions was gradually returning. I kept asking W to tell me stories. I was definitely responding to him as a father figure and found great comfort in being treated like a son—which is weird because I’m probably 20 years older than he is. <br> <br> As it was nearing midnight, I could tell W was getting really tired, so I finally convinced him that I was safe to be on my own (as long as he put out all the candles). He told me I could do what I wanted as long as I promised not to go outside. At this point I was getting a lot of trails and colorful vibrations at the edges of objects, especially things with bold designs. I really liked this. <br> <br> My cognitive faculties and motor coordination were still pretty scrambled, so after W went to bed, I wandered around the house remembering how to do things and practicing basic motor skills. <br> <br> By about 1AM I felt like food was a thing that could be reintroduced into my reality. The flavor of pesto on a cracker was sharp, explosive, and rapturous to my entire body. I practiced locating all the things I had brought with me (phone, iPod, tablet, wallet, glasses, etc.) and was very relieved to discover I was beginning to be able to function again. I texted some friends to practice word-using, and opined that I had just been through something immense and that I would need some assistance “fitting the pieces back together again.” <br> <br> T: 12:00 I was still seeing colors on the edges of things. My mind was very awake and racing, but not in a “speedy” kind of way. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">T: 12:00 I was still seeing colors on the edges of things. My mind was very awake and racing, but not in a “speedy” kind of way.</div></div> My body was definitely tired. I decided I was ready to be done with tripping and took 0.5 mg of lorazepam. This put me to sleep for about 2 hours. <br> <br> T: 16:00 I woke up as the sun was rising. I got dressed and walked down to this AMAZING little beach where families were out with their kids and guys were fishing. I felt rested, but very “inward” like I was still not ready to interact with other humans verbally, but being nearby was pleasantly reassuring. I felt battered, but alert. After a while, W came by on his hoverboard thing. We went back to his place and had a really nice breakfast, while he filled me in on what happened that I couldn’t remember. <br> <br> Integration: Three days later as I write this, I am still unclear what happened and what it all meant. I was surprised that after my mind was removed what I found was a deep, endless blackness. I’m wondering if this is what death is like; returning to a black everything/nothingness. <br> <br> I puzzled with an impending old age (I’m 65yo) and I wonder if I was projecting myself into that possibility. I am realizing that I have a lot of anxiety, not about dying but about being incapacitated and in pain. Perhaps I don't have anything to fear? I had a lot of energy in me that needed release. Why it came out in tears and shaking/spasming electricity I have no idea. <br> <br> There are a lot of unresolved feelings relating to my dad and a strong desire to be forgiven by him that were definitely needing to be experienced. Pervasive was a yearning to be taken care of by a man.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2018</td><td width="90">ExpID: 112379</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 65</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Sep 29, 2018</td><td>Views: 2,820</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=112379&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=112379&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Guides / Sitters (39), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">115 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> It’s the last day of our honeymoon. We’d scrambled to find a camping spot for our acid trip, and the place we found is perfect and serene. It’s part of a larger, established campground, which we’re not used to since we usually stay off of logging roads. But it’s a Tuesday night, it’s fairly secluded, and we don’t have to worry about bears or wild animals while we’re tripping. <br> <br> Our campsite is right on the edge of a lake, and Ryan has set our tent and hammock up off to the side, nestled in the fir and aspen trees. There’s a mountain on the other side of the water. It’s a large enough lake that there are waves lapping up against our shore. <br> <br> We each take one tab at 5:30pm, as soon as I get back from paying for the campsite. It’s our first time tripping with just us alone, and the third altogether. We’ve had a short honeymoon, just a road trip down to the Redwoods and Crater Lake. It’s been a long summer with the preparations for our wedding. Small as it was, only forty-five people, it was quite an ordeal. Over the last few days, I’ve loved our time to relax together, and now I’m totally ready to explore acid with just us. <br> <br> After we eat our tabs, we eat a small dinner, salad and chicken hot dogs. We lay in our hammock for a little bit, but one of the trees is too flimsy and we’re basically on the ground. Aspen leaves are sprinkling down on us as we adjust and try to get comfortable. <br> <br> I start to feel the effects of the acid in the hammock: my body feels light and airy, and the colors are becoming more vibrant. Ryan’s feeling it, too, and we decide to sit and watch the sun set over the water. There are various logs up against the shore, so we sit on one as the water laps up against rocks. Over the next hour or two, we watch the sun go down behind the mountain. As the light fades, everything takes on a purple hue. We see lights across the water twinkling at us. Bats come out and catch bugs on the water, swooping back and forth in front of us. Stars appear in the dark sky. Ryan and I talk about how beautiful the earth is and how much we can hear and see. Once it gets dark enough, I lay on one of the logs and stare up at the stars. <br> <br> It starts to get cold though, and we retreat to our tent about 8:30pm. We try to get comfortable, knowing we’ll be here for a while. Finding our beanies, our extra layers, all the blankets we brought. On acid, I’m constantly reminded of how much stuff I have. It seems any time I’m on acid, I get caught up looking for something. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">On acid, I’m constantly reminded of how much stuff I have. It seems any time I’m on acid, I get caught up looking for something.</div></div> I have no memory of where I put it last, and I have to sort through all the unnecessary clothes and food and shoes I’ve accumulated. <br> <br> All bundled up, we sit around, feeling the effects of the acid and talking about it. We talk about our honeymoon so far. I feel connected to everything around us. The critters we hear outside, Ryan, the trees, the wind. We consider taking a walk, but we refrain, too cold and afraid of running into people. <br> <br> It’s maybe 10:00pm. It’s very dark in the tent, but the visuals from the acid are making everything rainbow. I don’t know what triggers it, but I leave my body and enter some kind of void. I feel like I’m in the space between light and dark. I can finally breathe, and I understand that I’m not Emily anymore, I’ve become something else. This void feels like space because everything is so dark, but I’m surrounded by twinkling lights. It all makes sense, and it’s very familiar. <br> <br> “What do you call it?” I ask, wondering how to describe what I’m feeling. <br> <br> Ryan says language can’t describe it. I’m struggling with what I’m experiencing and I want to talk about it, but my words are a jumble and Ryan is a jumble, too. Everything he says, I question. I question his memories (I have none at this point), I question how we got here, I question what any of this is. When he uses my name, I bristle. I call him Ryan, but at one point ask, “Am I Ryan?” <br> <br> He feels like he made it weird by mentioning his dad, but I have no idea who that even is. He reaches for me, but I move away. A few minutes later when I reach for him, he moves away. I feel like we’re in a struggle where we’re never going to come together. Like the sun and the moon, always chasing each other. We bounce from one corner of the tent to the next. <br> <br> I think we’ll always be in this tent, trying to meet in the middle. We aren’t Ryan and Emily anymore; we’re also my sisters and my brother and all the other people we’ve tripped with before, and also some kind of gods. I feel like we’ve been here before. I keep telling him that: “We’ve been here before. Haven’t we been here before?” <br> <br> Ryan says something about Diamond Lake and camping, but I don’t understand that, either. <br> <br> I somehow end up sitting on top of him. I do something that makes him say, “Ow!” and I come back to my body, just a little bit. I fall to the side and Ryan holds me. He is talking about God and love and warmth and light. I listen and try to talk. I feel like some of the wildness has left me, but I’m still not sure what this body is or who Emily is. We talk about the spirit and the soul and I try to describe the feeling of being outside of the physical world, but then I get thirsty or cold or have to pee. I keep saying, “But I have this body, I have to keep coming back to this body.” I am full of disdain for it, the thing that is keeping me from the void from before, where I felt like I belonged. <br> <br> Ryan, though, is grounding me with words that actually make sense. “You just have to keep yourself warm and eat and we have to remember God and love and family. And we’re going to go home and start a new life and make a new family together.” <br> <br> I ease back into reality, slowly. I let him talk about us and the mythological meaning of marriage. I feel like our souls have known each other before, and our wedding was a link in our eternal story together. I start to understand that I’m an eternal being, just like Ryan. I have always been, I am, and I will always be, and in this life, I get to experience time and death. This night is a bridge between the two worlds, where I am fully aware of both sides of my coin. <br> <br> I think of my brother and how he described God on our last acid trip, with a group of a dozen people, most of them strangers to me. He said the Hebrew word for God -- Yahweh -- could be a play on how to say “I was, I am, and I will be” all at once, a way to describe something timeless and eternal. I feel outside of time, like the past, present, and future are stretched out before me. I don’t see the past or the future or understand them, I simply feel it. It’s as though I have one foot in the river of time and one anchored on the solid ground. <br> <br> I can hear everything around us, and there’s a soft hum from the world. We hum the “Om” sound and it feels like our spirits emanate from us with the sound. We recite “Hare Krishna” and talk about how God is for us, with us, and ahead of us. <br> <br> My entire body is humming with energy. We keep using the word “dance” to describe it. I have an autoimmune disease that leaves me sore and stiff, but on acid, I am light and free and painless. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I have an autoimmune disease that leaves me sore and stiff, but on acid, I am light and free and painless.</div></div> When I move, colors wave through my body. When Ryan speaks, rainbows ripple through my mind. I’ve tapped into some kind of synesthesia so that everything is connected and one thing always emphasizes something else. <br> <br> Throughout the night, we listen to the waves of the lake, we stare at the moon’s reflection on the water, we watch the stars, we visit the horrific bathroom trying to poop (we don’t), and we are constantly trying to get warm under our insufficient blankets and sleeping bags. Ryan smokes a cigarette, and he says it will be his last one. He started again a few weeks ago, amidst the wedding stress, but now he’s facing the facts about what they really do to his body. <br> <br> We smoke some weed, talking about the goddess Kali and how smoking cannabis has been a spiritual rite for many cultures. I haven’t smoked weed on acid before since I was already enjoying myself so much, but since Ryan is smoking, I want to, so we can be on the same level. <br> <br> Ryan tells me I scared him earlier, that he was worried I wasn’t going to come back to him. We talk about wild feminine energy and about yin and yang. Throughout the night, he keeps talking about darkness and the devil and good and evil, but I have trouble feeling the same urgency and doom when thinking of evil. I know there is light and good and love and there is also dark and hate and anger, but I don’t know if they’re adversaries. I don’t even know if you must avoid one and only seek out the other. How can there be a sun without a shadow? They are both necessary to life. <br> <br> But I recognize that I grew up in the light, loved by my family and blessed to be able to feel safe and travel, and now I can flirt with darkness because my foundation is in love. Some people have struggled with darkness since childhood, when it was cast on them unwillingly, and they fight to find the light when they don’t have role models who have shown them how to live in it. <br> <br> I’m talking about human mythology and how the world is made up of two planes, the visible and the invisible. And for thousands of years, people have been talking about the invisible world through myths and spirituality and religion. I tell him I understand that we’re eternal beings and we will die but our souls will live on, somehow. In another life, in another dimension, I’m not sure. <br> <br> I realize Ryan has fallen asleep on me. It’s 6:30am but I feel so awake and like I’m still tripping. I sleep for an hour or two, but my body is uncomfortable and still buzzing with energy so I journal, trying to capture some of my emotions. I unzip the tent’s door and watch everything outside. The fog rolls out as the sun rises, and the birds are waking up, searching for food. I feel like this is my first glimpse of the world, and everything is so beautiful. I take off a sweatshirt and realize I stink, so I decide to walk to the showers to clean myself off. I can hear every bird flying away as I walk by and see every bright leaf fluttering in the wind. The place feels like a magical wonderland. I’m sore from the long night, but my body also feels fresh and new. <br> <br> The whole day, as we ease back into ourselves, is surreal. I wake Ryan up around noon, and even though I enjoyed the alone time, I’m so glad he’s awake again. We talk about our experience, and at times, it seems like we’re talking about what it means to be mortal and trapped in bodies. <br> <br> I just want to be home, but as Ryan says, “There’s still work to do.” We have a three hour drive ahead of us and we have to eat breakfast (we forgot olive oil for the eggs we brought) and we have to pack up our things. When I was younger, I would play a game in my mind. I pretended I was Emily’s identical twin and I had to act just like her or people would find out I wasn’t really Emily. I would take in everything about her life as though it were brand new and I would go through all the motions, just as Emily would. I feel like that now as we fold up the tent, search the car for my phone, and give Ryan directions. This entire life is odd and new, but familiar and comfortable at the same time. I know I’m Emily, but I also know that everything I’ve created for myself is temporary and so much of what I focus on pulls me from the real magic of the universe. I get caught up in stress and plans for the future and idealizing who I am when I could be watching the sunset or enjoying music or laughing with Ryan. <br> <br> On the drive home, we talk about God and we listen to mewithoutYou. The scenery is beautiful, the colors still so vibrant. I doze off here and there, but the energy is still humming in my body. When we get home, I read William Blake’s The Marriage of Heaven and Hell out loud as Ryan cleans up some pocket knives he bought from an antique store. I’m struck by some of the images, so close to how I felt on the trip. One stuck with me, a proverb from hell: “Eternity is in love with the productions of time.”<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2018</td><td width="90">ExpID: 112422</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 30</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 7, 2018</td><td>Views: 2,893</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=112422&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=112422&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Relationships (44), Nature / Outdoors (23), General (1)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">20 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance">Pharms - Escitalopram</td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 1:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">70 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Trip Report: 225 micrograms (give or take), ingested in thirds, with the first third ingested an hour before the second two; 20 mg escitalopram (SSRI) taken the morning of the trip <br> <br> TL;DR: Hurled into the deep end of a swimming pool filled with honey <br> <br> I am <!--publishing-->writing this primarily so that people can get some insight about the SSRI/LSD combination. It is often said SSRIs are trip killers or inhibitors but I did not find this to be the case, with my trip even lasting much longer than 12 hours. <br> <br> Background: I take 20 mg of an SSRI, namely escitalopram (brand name Lexapro) in the mornings daily for social anxiety and panic attack disorder, and this day was no exception. I have no other psychological disorders or health problems. It is said SSRIs have strong inhibitory effects on LSD. I did not find this to be the case, but it could be the LSD was especially strong or I am uniquely sensitive—this trip seemed as strong or stronger than several others’ who had ingested equal or greater doses, but it’s impossible to know this for certain. I have no previous experience with LSD <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I have no previous experience with LSD</div></div>, but around 9 years ago had a profoundly negative hallucinogenic and paranoid delusional experience reminiscent of a brief episode of schizophrenia after smoking cannabis that may or may not have been laced with PCP (whatever the case, the effects were nearly identical to descriptions of the effects of PCP). This experience was nothing at all like that in any way. I have smoked cannabis countless times, but only do this occasionally. I have also tried salvia years ago but barely experienced any perceptual changes with it. <br> <br> Note: Some of this has been edited to include information learned afterwards <br> <br> 5:30 am (time elapsed approximately 15.5 hours) <br> <br> As I write this it is difficult to keep attentive to the task at hand. I cyclically zone out (around every 5 seconds) and become distracted by non-thoughts and forget what I was doing. It is as if a resurgent wave has taken ahold of me, or maybe I’m just paying more attention to it in solitude. My skull and body feels tense, like there is an internal pressure pushing outwards, but it’s not painful at all, and is easily ignored. I also feel a positive internal energy and am simultaneously tired and wakeful. The computer screen begins to warp and twist and move in strange ways or expand as if I’m being sucked into it or that its shape is coming towards me to envelop me, all the while its contours are shifting in dynamic, motion-like ways (but which are never mistaken for real motion on the part of the object). The letters and words move like waves. Sometimes my slideshow of desktop wallpapers changing, for instance, to an aerial photo of Saint Helena that seems extremely bright and colorful, distracts me and I have to stare at it for a little while. The fabric of the percept seems to have a fuzzy, multicolored character lurking closely beneath its surface, but not in a menacing way. In fact the perceptual distortions are pleasing and reassuring—phenomena that I now greet as old friends who I missed dearly after having to see less of them as the first waves of the trip tapered off, although they were always there if I devoted my attention in that lazily unfocused way required to find them (this last word I accidentally wrote as “me” instead of “them” at first and that too may be apt). <br> <br> We had started by diluting one drop of LSD in a glass of water. Some people drank an entire glass. This was reckoned to be 300 micrograms or more. Others split the water in half (150 mcg) and drank that, or split the half in half (75 mcg) and drank that, all very approximate. I drank half of a half glass of water. I was extremely nervous but also resigned in an upbeat way to what was to occur, secure in the knowledge that I was in safe place, wasn’t taking very much, and my SSRI would inhibit the effects (and that, should something go wrong, I had Klonopin, a trip-killing benzodiazepine, in my pocket). I had written a list of goals to shoot for, mostly vague things like “presence, peace, openness, connectivity, oneness, clarity, appreciation, pay attention to time, let go, relax” but also concrete things like “try reading, learning a language, and playing chess.” I had hoped for cognitive enhancement but in reality impairment was so substantial the latter tasks became extremely difficult (chess was not even attempted). <br> <br> I began a stopwatch to keep an objective measure because of the known effect of time dilation. Everyone nervously waited for something to occur and listening to music while sitting on the geometric patterned carpet in H’s bedroom. We all tried to stay positive and reassuring. Initially, K was going to be a trip sitter, which was also reassuring. At about forty minutes I began to notice numbness throughout my body coupled with a gradually increasing euphoric feeling that became extremely intense. At about this time someone asked if anybody was getting anything and I immediately, impulsively said “oh yeah” although what I was experiencing was a tiny fraction of what would occur next. X was laughing uncontrollably but said she wasn’t feeling anything. <br> <br> The next thing I noticed which was quite saliently different was the undulating floor. Not the carpet but the perceptual experience of the floor itself, although it couldn’t be said that I was tricked into thinking it was actually moving. At this point I was feeling very good and the euphoria became an all-embracing pervasive ecstasy filling my torso primarily but also my other limbs and a strange sensation in my head like tension which would remain with me through the trip and wax and wane but was never so unpleasant I couldn’t be distracted from it. It could not be described as pain or a headache but more like a tightness or internal pressure. I determined that whatever was occurring was very good and I would be a little disheartened if the lightly undulating floor were all I could feel and so I decided to take more. Our spirit-guide shaman (experienced user/provider) was able, somehow, miraculously, while tripping hard, to deploy fine motor coordination, normal communication, and generally a functional level of behavior in assisting C, X, and myself in our goal to increase our dosage (they each had something less than half a dose extra). At this point I had a sip of a glass with one full drop in it (probably amounting to something less than 75), but decided it was still not enough and had a further quarter drop diluted, as did K, who decided she should have something to join this bizarre experience (I suppose 75 for each of us) leaving me with a total of something like .7 drops or what J guessed would be 200-225 micrograms (based on his assessment of a single drop—he nor I didn’t do the math explicitly at the time). In fact I’m also just realizing as, I write this that that was the amount I took, and seems like a very large dose now compared to my initial intention to only take 50 micrograms. <br> <br> In any case my euphoria was really kicking into high gear when I returned and I was unable to suppress my laughter (which I tried anyway so people didn’t think I was too crazy but everyone else was having the same problem—I seemed unusually hard hit by this euphoria however). Laughter was also very infectious, like it is in elementary school. I was overcome by how good and perfect everything seemed to be. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I was overcome by how good and perfect everything seemed to be.</div></div> Nothing could be better than the ecstasy I was feeling. It was impossible for me to understand how anybody could ever have a bad experience like this. I was getting a serious kick out of all the visual hallucinations or distortions or whatever they were and I found it all absolutely hilarious. The music sounded very good, and I was able to tune into all the different layers of the audio. The music included Herbie Hancock and later, Talking Heads (“Once in a Lifetime” made an especially strong impression) and Parliament (the album “Funkadelic”), after which the music got trippier, like acid house and trance. At this point looked better or more radiant than normal, but it could also be that they had flushed faces, I certainly did and could feel a warmth under my skin and something like tightness or pressure throughout my body, like my blood vessels were dilating. I couldn’t be sure but I had the feeling acne was worsening or breaking out, but that might have been just a feeling. <br> <br> We were contemplating a fern plant on the mantle and trying to decide if it was or was not moving and were having a hard time with this task. It became clear it was definitely part of the trip, but additionally the fern was taking on multi-dimensional shapes and patterns that seemed to alternate. There were moments of intense social cohesion and extreme suggestibility where we were all very willing to assent to any suggestion or description somebody was making about their experience and project our experience onto it, or just look at a person and laugh. This made the vibe or atmosphere have a quite tangible or thick quality to it that positively affected our own intense emotional experience. At some point people got extremely interested in the center of the fractal pattern carpet but I was more tuned into social frequencies at this point. Some very abstract conversations were had, usually initialized by trying to understand what was going on but then flying off in a lot of strange and expansive directions (one example concerned Wittgenstein’s private language argument, the beetle in the box, and constructing a language out of shared experiences/phenomenology to communicate our atypical experiences, and how language in general is rooted in phenomenology—oftentimes long-term cultural patterns and shifts were invoked in these kinds of conversations). It was very easy to lose thoughts, or trains of thoughts, or fail to remember them (storage and retrieval became difficult in the short-term); it was, as H said, like C was trying to catch his thoughts with a butterfly net, “Ah what was I thinking? Oh yes, caught it,” he would say. Lying on the floor I began to see more complex visual distortions, like the movement of some kind of silvery structural sinew surrounding this paper lantern (I christened it “the orb” because the words “lamp” and “light” escaped me) hanging from the ceiling. These outlines moved and danced to the music, as did the shape of the object itself in weird dimension-defying ways reminiscent of a live-action cubist painting. I decided to lie down on the bed and let it all wash over me. <br> <br> At this point I guess I began to reach the peak of the trip and time began to get very weird and very dilated. Looking at the ceiling (especially the intricate molding), which at first was just kind of moving and dancing (fluctuating) to the music, then moving back and forth joyously with horizontal lines expanding and contracting and breathing and the patterns achieving some kind of extra dimensional layer, I eventually felt like I was falling into the ceiling in a series of increasingly complex telescopic distortions. At this point I began talking, which was a bad idea because my cognitive abilities were severely impaired and memory short-term memory essentially nonexistent (even memory of who I was became strained—the tether to reality had become rather tenuous). I had noticed earlier that my attempts at speaking were not fluent and stutter-like, and my attention span had dropped precipitously to maybe 5 seconds, and it was difficult to keep track of very recent memories or follow any line of reasoning or conversation. But at this point when I spoke I had some thought about how, although I had seemed to be staring at the ceiling for a lifetime the time read only 1 hour 40 minutes and I said something like “it’s only been forty minutes” and George said “40 minutes since when” (this absurd line of questioning became something of a theme) and I realized I was truly insane, and his statement brought me tumbling into a new reality in which I realized the previous one or ones had been wiped out. I was very confused and rapidly asked myself, “Has this happened before? Is this real? What just happened? Where did I just come from? What am I talking about? Who I am even talking to? Have I been talking to myself? Have I just projected my own internal monologue onto other people expecting them to know what I’m thinking?” and then quickly, “Whatever just go with it, everything’s fine—actually much better than fine, fantastic!” This was one of the few moments when anxiety almost breached my euphoric bubble. <br> <br> I thought a good metaphor for what was happening is tumbling, as in a tumble-dryer, and I found out this is a defining feature of hard tripping. “So time is definitely doing some weird things…” said C later (who incidentally was eminently quotable on that day), after his peak had subsided from the park enough for him to contemplate what was happening. Each moment felt like it could have lasted a whole lifetime. From this point on I realized I was thinly attached to reality and I kept experiencing this tumble-dryer like series of re-awakenings where I thought I managed to grasp clarity or some inkling of “real” reality before it dissipated and I’d crash into a new one. Like waking up over and over again. This continued in a pretty serious way and I was having a lot of difficulty having any kind of intelligible thought or conversation as I was being constantly woken up in a new reality like this, and I guessed at this particular time it was hitting me harder than the others, but the others would get there too very quickly. <br> <br> I think it was at this point we began recommending various objects to get perceptually lost in around the room, with E saying “I’m still at the table” in response to C’s “meet me at the carpet,” (previously after having been enthralled with a red lighter and a painting, and a stationary man outside the window who was indeterminate between a man and a rock). At the same time I was really enjoying the multidimensional motion of the “orb”—a hanging paper lamp. We decided this recommendation service was much like Tripadvisor, and found that so hilarious it hurt to laugh. <br> <br> There were moments of intense group focus where for me the salient aspect was feeling the vibe and cohesion of the group <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">There were moments of intense group focus where for me the salient aspect was feeling the vibe and cohesion of the group</div></div> rather than the object that absorbed our attention, like a watercolor postcard of chain of monkeys and the central spiral of the carpet. Someone suggested to take a walk but I thought “no way” in this condition and I think the vibe for most people was very much like, “I’m just trying to hold onto this rocket ship for dear life.” However after maybe thirty more minutes of getting lost in euphoria, tumbling reality, and perceptual changes which were often wavy or oscillatory in nature and allowed for an extreme zooming on details which could sometimes explode and overwhelm until you’re snapped back into a new reality, we eventually decided we were sober enough to take a walk. Of course were by no means anywhere close to sober at this point and at least on person reached their peak outside. For myself, I was having trouble discerning what was real and not real and staving off the feeling that I might be dreaming this entire thing. <br> <br> As a side note, the order of events reported throughout the peak stages (first four hours) is almost certainly inaccurate, as memories became extremely jumbled and detached from distinct locations in time. <br> <br> Upon entering the landing of the stairs, the change of scenery threw me into completely new perceptual territory. It was impossibly yellow and felt like I was stepping out into a Mediterranean country. The light from a skylight was glowing with ethereal warmth that had an indescribable emotional quality (certain emotions, though positive, were not like ones I had ever encountered before). The spiral stairway also seemed like an M.C. Escher painting that would go on and on for infinity, though I felt it more as dilated rather than eternity. Getting outside gave the illusion of sobriety but quickly relapsed into the series of reawakenings from before. The vague social anxiety about being seen in public was not very strong. Many individuals in the group had the feeling that we had left someone behind, and when one of us voiced this, we all agreed we had that strange feeling, although we were all present in fact. <br> <br> Walking short distances felt like it took a very long time. We found a place to sit in the park right outside the flat after what seemed like eternity and began to contemplate nature and our surroundings. The conversation got very weird at this point and concepts seemed to take on a fractal quality once again. “Water is another thing topic we could really get into,” C had said earlier as we were leaving the flat, indicating that really any subject could have this quality. An off-handed comment by E to the effect that society is an amazing thing sent me down a conceptual rabbit hole thinking about the workings of society and all its people as components in a well-oiled machine, whose components are not aware that they are operating within the confines of such a machine, along with the somewhat grandiose idea that only we have transcended its confines and attained a higher plane of awareness. Somehow I was able to carry on a decently intelligible conversation about the merits of drug legalization with H. The girls reported feeling empathy with the plants and in touch with nature or Mother Earth as a whole but I didn’t really get that feeling. C and others were really fascinated with bicyclists (“that was a thing” said C much later, which led me to think I’ll have to remember the day as a series of “things” or strange phenomena). A was having paranoid thoughts that everyone was staring at us, although it could have been that he was staring at them, and they were staring back. I too had an inkling of paranoia in public but it was easy to ignore. <br> <br> The grass seemed highly perceptually stable compared to things in the room before. We determined that low-light environments involve the greatest perceptual disturbances. Nonetheless lying on my back looking up at the sky was incredible. If I let my attention become slightly less focused but still attentive very strange things began happening. On a less intense level some of these things are still happening now: fluctuation, undulating, warpings or wormings of letters and words and the screen itself and the desktop background, which is now of a Tokyo city skyline. In particular, looking at the blue sky I could see geometric patterns began to resolve out of the fuzziness, like three-dimensional polygons tracing the inside of a giant dome. The lines or outlines of the polygons were radiant and rapidly shifting across the colors of the rainbow, and at their intersections were silvery, shining “diamonds” I suppose (in the sky, yes) that became sparkly because of the background wave-like motion going on or oscillatory reverberations or something. The sky was all quite fuzzy and filled with phosphenes but the geometric patterns stopped abruptly at the tree canopy. Some people couldn’t decide whether the sun behind the clouds and fog was the moon or not. The fog over the steeple was very cool. One person suggested the sky looked purple, and at first I didn’t see it, but maybe because of suggestibility it did begin to take on a more violet hue. In trying to argue for the existence of the sun and the nonexistence of the moon currently, I somehow ended up seeing two or possibly even three suns at once, but these might have been tracers as I moved my head. <br> <br> I mentioned how it was good at least that things were still obeying multisensory integration, e.g. voices synchronously attached to mouths and. Additionally the present was still flowing as normal even if in a stutter-step fashion, with event bundles trundling into each other in fits and starts. It was like we were being pulled into a new event by some salient phenomenon(a), at which points the boundaries became a little fuzzy. We also determined around this point that we were experiencing intense dyschronometria, or inability to judge intervals accurately or compare them in any meaningful way. At one point E remarked that there are some invariant features which must be necessary to consciousness, the backbone of it so to speak, which even the trip can’t wash away, for example the “the black is still on the dog,” of a dog walking by, which we decided was quite good—at least there was that. Similarly the auditory track wasn’t leaving the visual and time was still synchronous. This entire time I was getting very strange signals from my entire body, my muscles, and my internal organs, almost mimicking the oscillatory waves found in the visual field, but usually much more saturated. I went through periods of pervasive numbness and also pervasive euphoria regularly, which may have distracted from other interoceptive signals. When this subsided I could feel that my stomach was just slightly upset. <br> <br> We decided it was too cold and went back inside, although I was not very cold, and continued to trip in the flat, although by this point it was less pronounced, but still occurring in waves. It was still possible to get quite lost in the ceiling, but by this point C talked in the past tense about how, “that was really quite something. Quite something indeed, yes.” We were almost like wine experts discerning subtle textures and tastes—as the peaks subsided we were now able to apply ourselves to more fine-grained exploration without so much “tumbling” as before. Waves and undulations continued to characterize a lot of my vision, especially of patterns, and horizontal lines especially were discernably weird and warping. In addition the feeling that the ceiling was expanding and moving towards me, or dancing and moving along to the music, continued. I experienced two distinct moments lying on the bed when I felt like, after I had closed my eyes, my euphoria may be transforming into dysphoria after a negative looping introspection but I was able to distract myself from that by standing up. It also might have been that the SSRI was still protecting me from negative thought loops. Tastes, especially of chocolate—a dark chocolate bar filled with raspberry— and lime and coriander popodom crisps were fantastic and multi-layered. My ginger ale tasted especially shiny and euphoric. An red apple had a really unpleasant aftertaste. <br> <br> I tried to play Amazing Katamari on my phone and even though I had very little high-level awareness of what I was doing I was totally immersed and sucked into the phone screen and the colors and animations were stunningly vibrant. Although I could barely form a sentence or remember that I had been playing I somehow performed very well and lasted a very long time on one life. Afterwards I tried to just enjoy the music and feel at one with the universe and kind of melted into the bed. <br> <br> An overriding thought pattern of “let go, everything is okay, you are everything, everything is good, you are at peace” took hold. I tried reading Steppenwolf, which was lying on the bed, and found reading to be quite difficult but also really interesting and I was very interested in what was being said but I was distracted by conversation. Others were lying on the floor and I could see the floor breathing in tune with E’s breathing. The collective social unit seemed to have a palpable positive vibe influencing me and there was a general feeling of shared experience and commonality. Conversation had a grounding and sobering effect, which was probably good, possibly essential. Being alone would be substantially less tethered to reality I thought. From the bed, intently gazing through the window intently I momentarily saw the edges of the window melt or “run down the sides”—this seemed to be an elaboration on the more general phenomenon of seeing silvery outlines to shapes which move and alter of their own accord. I migrated often to the floor from the bed and back and finally ended up in a red armchair by the window looking out onto the foggy park. At this point I think C said, “so this acid thing, there’s something to it,” which, typically for him, was an understatement of colossal proportions. He had a special knack for remaining absolutely calm and scientific even through the peak of his trip in the park when he said, “I believe I may have gone insane and I fear this might last forever.” He was also apt to say “ah yes,” and “indeed” whenever a new reality came upon him, very much like a wine expert tasting different notes. A even thought that at one point in the park that C’s voice had become his own inner monologue and was verging on descending into a panicked rabbit hole thinking it might be stuck like that forever. <br> <br> In any case, I was contemplating a particularly bulbous and attractive tree through the glass, which was radiantly shimmering and shifting colors (mostly vibrant greens and golds but occasional pink, red, orange, and purple as well) and I could see various patterns take hold and become more solid objects. One of these was a Star of David, but also salamanders and other things, and I could see sometimes little spiraling round things like eyes appear from the fuzz, and it all seemed quite a lot like Google’s Deep Dream visuals. In the background I saw another tree resolve into a grotesque demon like shape, possibly having sex, it was unclear (with what I don’t know, just suggestive of that). None of this was scary however. In fact contemplating the tree and the fog through the window I approached the deepest level of serenity and peace I had ever felt in my life for what seemed to be a nearly eternal length of time. My body was completely insensible or numb at this point and I felt like was embraced by the universe, which of course, was me. <br> <br> Besides this deep inner peace, probably the next most remarkable thing was listening to the introduction to a Wagner opera (Der Ring des Nibelungen, Das Rheingold Act 1: Prelude-Part 1), which is one extended chord representing a river, I later discovered. I did not know this before a couple days later when I found a description on youtube by the user Wagner Leitmotifs, but specifically the music was a spread chord of Eb major: “the opening of Das Rheingold is the most fundamental interval of music—an octave of Eb major on bass followed by Bb in bassoons, making a perfect fifth, and then 8 horns one by one with the same motif, the simplest chord, the major triad. This building up, not only of complexity, but also in pitch and volume represents the development of the universe from the primal nothingness. It is pentatonic as it represents nature.” I was lying on the floor. The walls, my internal being, my physical body, and my hands (which I was holding up) were all moving of their own accord with the vibrations of the music. I felt like a thinly stretched piece of string and the water of reality was flowing all around and through me. It was an intensely euphoric, connective, and serene experience, with waves of pleasurable bodily feelings of a never-yet-before-experienced kind, which was very different from the euphoric, tight-chested energy of the early parts of the trip. I felt as if I had reached the highest heights of awareness and connection, bordering on or maybe even submerged in nirvana. All anxiety and thought had dissolved completely. In that moment I had attained harmony with the universe (again, it must be said, and in a different and more palpable way than before when I was sinking into the chair and gazing out the window). I said to C, who had put the music on, “Thank you so much for this incredible gift you have just given me.” <br> <br> Throughout the trip, everything was fascinating, every small detail and its intricacies. I took a look at the postcard that the others had been blowing their minds at by looking at earlier but which I hadn’t yet seen and zoomed in very close to this one tiny little man standing on a dock in this seaside town in the South of France (“an insignificant detail,” as C might say, “…in the grand scheme of things”) and felt an enormous amount of empathy and compassion for this man and sort of felt his life extended forwards and backwards from the moment captured in the postcard. <br> <br> I should also mention that in the bathroom, despite problems with something like dizziness but which was not, and the feeling of the wall moving inwards and outwards besides me, I also looked deeply into my reflection and noticed that I looked some years older than I really was and more detailed and colorful, like a finer resolution. Also in the bathroom it seemed like the lightbulb in the ceiling was strobing or flickering regularly, although I don’t believe it was. <br> <br> At around 10 pm, on the way back home through the fog I was still noticing disturbances in the force—things were very far from being normal and everything took on a kind odd tone, especially the random passerby, almost like we were walking through a world that wasn’t our own but merely observing as entities they could not see. The light through the fog was also cool, and I was really intrigued by a growth on a tree. When we got home I made pasta for myself, E and C, who were still tripping, and drank a beer. I had cottonmouth and felt very strange in my body, and very tense in the facial muscles and my skull, and also felt tightness in my shoulders. Looking at the ceiling I could tell waviness was still occurring and tracers from my hand movements were still present as well. We watched Planet Earth on the projector but the ceiling and the perceptual changes were far more interesting. A timelapse video of autumn foliage changing colors reminded us of what we had seen in real life not long before. When they left I realized I was still tripping fairly heavily with the visuals and distortions and it was very intense to splash cold water on my face, despite a feeling of something like numbness, but which isn’t numbness. We had determined our memories were severely affected and even in conversation at home coming down it was difficult to keep thoughts straight and be coherent or carry a sentence through to completion. Nonetheless we agreed it was tapering off. However, after they left it might have been another wave came onto me (maybe because of staggered ingestion) and so I sit watching the computer screen warp and twist. Mostly I’m writing to preserve memories that I worry might be extinguished. Hopefully this will not be the case. <br> <br> Trying to understand it all as it was unfolding was quite interesting, and also that we were able to keep somehow lucid and attached to at least a present that was tumbling into the next, even if beyond the moment was contentious. The layering was ever-present as well, stacks upon stacks, whether it was layers in a conversation, which took on ever greater and more expansive shades of meaning or literal visual cascading and collapsing, or even an introspective spiral. The entire world became deeply imbued with fractal geometry, including the matryoshka doll-like stacking of realities or time slices or events that continually tumbled into the next one and replaced it, only to be obliterated and overlaid by a new moment or event package or whatever it was. <br> <br> Event segmentation seemed to have gone haywire in a major way, and I was curious whether there was some root cause that took precedent over the other perceptual disturbances and gave them a form in its shadow, like this stacking, tumbling feature, increasing complexity. Some of us seemed to turn our telescopic gaze inwards, an act fraught with peril in my opinion. As for me I tried to avoid introspection and focus outwards (or when I didn’t, I would bottom out at some kind of “everything is alright, make peace with the universe and yourself” kind of sentiment). I was in any case profoundly captivated by the “external” (i.e. exteroceptive plus interoceptive) distortions taking place, which fully occupied my rapt attention for most of the experience, such that staring into the ceiling became an event to be celebrated, more fascinating than anything we tried to play on the computer (although I did have the feeling that a certain sea-life video was eerily corresponding to unrelated music from the stereo and that characters in the Safety Dance music video had grotesque facial expressions and a quite special significance). In general the shape-shifting that was going on often seemed to synergize or bounce and move along with the music that was playing. There were really interesting cross-modal effects all around, and time itself might have been involved in that, or at least event boundaries. <br> <br> Update at 6:30 am (time elapsed 16.5 hours—unusually long by now) <br> <br> Low-light conditions in solitude seemed to bring out the trippy aspects even more and returning to the trance-like unfocused focus state (default mode network/resting brain state?) also allowed the visuals to run free. I was continually testing to see whether the trip was still occurring, staring at the horizontal beam of the window frame and watching it warp and move. I then focused on the corner of the room, which was rippling towards me in concentric circles spiraling outwards, along with undulations in the wall and ceiling. In my strange focus mode the effects seemed to become magnified and black-ish cracks seemed to appear at the wobbly intersections between shapes in my visual field (e.g. wall and ceiling joint) where it almost seemed as if the fabric of reality was coming apart; being shaken apart. The room has been shaking and vibrating in its entirety like there is an earthquake. Thick rainbowish fuzzy borders around shape boundaries, distinct from the thinner, often dynamic, silvery outlines persist. The fingerprint-like fuzziness permeating vision resolves itself in complex ways and patterns, constantly shifting in an indeterminate way. Shadows and light seem to become objects in their own right with their own boundaries demarcating lines and thick borders. Rapid blinking produces geometric shapes like I had seen in the sky and radiant phosphenes, eventually mutating into a full telescoping geometric pattern kaleidoscope effect, that I imagine can become a much more intense part of a peaking trip. Distorting shapes (e.g. of the pillow and blanket) could be felt even with my eyes closed (distorting after-images?). <br> <br> The next day I still felt slightly cognitively impaired (especially memory/ability to recall recent thoughts, attention, sequential thought, and ability o follow external thoughts, read or spoken, in sequence, for an extended time), but deeply good and peaceful too, and found the memories of the previous day’s perceptual alterations irresistibly funny. Although in the morning checking for visuals seemed normal, when I listened to the introduction to the Wagner opera again and lost focus in my vision I was able to see geometric patterns with gold color-shifting outlines against my wall and waviness along with the rainbow-fuzzy object border at the juncture of the wall and the ceiling. This was only present when I attempted to return to the perceptual state I was in on the trip, and not without effort. There did seem to also still be motion of right angle junctures in low-light conditions and a high degree of technicolor fuzz, and although I was able to convince myself that might be a normal sober thing I hadn’t noticed, it was definitely not, as it went away later that night. <br> <br> The next day also included a distinct afterglow where everything seemed subjectively better, like a reverse hangover <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">The next day also included a distinct afterglow where everything seemed subjectively better, like a reverse hangover</div></div>, but especially affecting mood, however contrast was also turned up and colors seemed more vivid and objects more beautiful. There was a feeling that everything was right with the world. At the same time my body felt exhausted, as if I’d been strenuously exercising all night when in fact we’d mostly been lying around. We attributed this to our brains having been working extraordinarily hard to process and resolve the barrage of data during the trip and the length of time it was in this state, which had depleted our energy or something. I realized that I startled quite easily, especially at movement in the periphery (like a person’s sudden movement) which may have appeared closer than it was or (as I read happens) because my peripheral had become unnaturally wide. Very late at night I felt slightly anxious and an occasional fleeting sense of unease, but this may be from not eating (appetite is still slightly suppressed) and nutrient depletion. The next night I slept deeply for 13 hours and had very vivid and emotionally intense dreams. I have a vague feeling of having been born again and the day before the trip seems like ancient history. My brain/mind also feels like it is has been rinsed or washed. Overall a very positive experience.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2018</td><td width="90">ExpID: 111972</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 18, 2018</td><td>Views: 5,055</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=111972&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=111972&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Music Discussion (22), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 glasses</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 7:30</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">122 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Last night I had an experience that gave me newfound respect for the power of LSD. I have tripped acid and shrooms each about a handful of times scattered over the course of the last 3 years, usually taking care to keep my trips spaced out chronologically so I have time to fully “recover.” I think it takes some time to get reacquainted with reality after a powerful trip. Before last night, the last time I had taken LSD was October 2015 (3 months ago), after having tripped in both May and June of the same year.. all great trips. <br> <br> Last night I had been drinking for a while already and was definitely feeling the effects of that at the time I dropped tab. I will cut to present tense now to make this easier to recount. <br> <br> I’m downtown with my boyfriend and some of our friends, shooting some pool and just kicking back, everything is cool so far. Around 12:30 AM we make the moves to leave and everyone is lingering outside the bar getting in that last cigarette. I make my way back to P, my man, who surprises me by saying he wants to trip tonight, that this girl here was ready to sell him some tabs right now. This is surprising because he has sworn off psychedelics for the last 4 years. Also surprising because it’s generally a hard rule with me that once 1am is on the horizon and nothing wild or compelling is happening, it’s time to pack it up, go to sleep while everything is still good, and not introduce any major game changers to the night such as LSD. I have seen that things can go very wrong very quickly and leave me wondering when that even happened. <br> <br> Mistake number one on my part, as I see it now, was drunkenly agreeing to eat that tab. I firmly believe, ever since my first trip which I found very spiritually transformative, that acid is NOT a “turn up” drug, it is something very serious and heavy on my brain, not just something to party with. I’m also kind of a homebody and definitely just a social drinker, so it being close to 1am and me already a good bit sloshed, I feel like I’ve done my part and I wanna go home and snuggle up with my honey, smoke a doob and go to sleep. But P has other plans and being drunk, I ignore my instincts <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">being drunk, I ignore my instincts</div></div> – Mistake number two as I know when things start feeling a little hairy, that’s when I need to trust my intuition and do the best thing for myself, which for me would have been the plan I just described. <br> <br> I even tried to pass the tab off to my friend T after having had it on my tongue for only 5 or so minutes, but then changed my mind (to T’s disappointment) because I wanted to be with P while he went through his first trip in a while. Fuck it, I said then, it’s one tab, I have done more than this before and had the time of my life. Why not? Now you know a little about my philosophy on mind-altering substances in social settings, I had to get that out of the way so you understand a little bit the “type” of person I am. From here I can just tell the story. I’ll timestamp according to the moments that had significance to me. <br> <br> 12:30AM: P and I eat our tabs standing in front of our bar. It’s been a chill night so far, downtown is kinda dead on a Thursday night but like I said we have a solid group of the homies there with us and it’s been good. We decide to call it a wrap, we wanna go back to his and throw on some records and see where this acid takes us, we start scheming for a ride back to P’s. (A quick note of context, just last weekend I was driving in my car and got t-boned on my driver’s side, so at the point of this story I am newly car-less and have 9 fresh stitches over my eyelid where I got slashed by glass from my window in the wreck. Had I still had my car, I probably would’ve DD’ed my friends downtown, stayed sober, thus maintaining my sense of gut instincts for self preservation and this trip could have been avoided. But anyway.) <br> <br> 1AM: P’s buddy C offers us a ride to P’s house on his own way home and we accept, but only after P and I get into a little drunken spat as I realized and vocalized that I really hadn’t wanted or planned on tripping tonight. It’s not as if he forced me to eat the tab, understand I was drunk and feeling a little prissy and uncertain. Spontaneous trips can be great, don’t get me wrong, I just can’t shake off the feel that the odds are stacked against me at this point in the night, and I’m lashing that sensation out on P since it was his idea. So I rip the tab off my tongue and throw it on the ground at his feet (this was also awhile after I had contemplated passing it off to my buddy T) and P points out that it’s already done its damage. And I am truly feeling unsettled, like the way it usually goes when I am on the verge of tripping balls. <br> <br> However remember, I am also drunk, and thinking maybe this queasiness and the fact that I’m feeling a little spinny is just due to all the beverage and the fact that I have already had a long day and definitely not enough to eat (mistake number 3, I wish I never tripped on an empty stomach because while it’s not like I feel hunger in the midst of my trip, I do feel that my body needs some damn nutrition and sustenance if it’s going to endure an 8+ hour hallucinogenic adventure where my appetite usually becomes the last thing on my mind). Plus I feel that I can direct my trip in the way I want it to go by trying not to overanalyze my situation and just take everything as it comes. Of course with this drug I don’t really get a choice, but it still comforts me to think about that in those uncertain moments before the acid makes itself at home in my brain. <br> <br> 1:30AM: P and I are at his house, we have made our way upstairs and are in his room, as I still deal with this increasing queasiness and the sense of something being dramatically “off” or not quite right. I often feel this uneasy sensation immediately preceding a heavy trip. When I start questioning myself “am I about to trip, is that what this is?” that is the go-to sign that in a very short amount of time I will indeed be tripping balls. The more intensely uncomfortable I feel in the moments before my trip, the more intensely and vividly I seem to experience the trip itself. So my instinct is telling me this is going to be very intense, because I feel fucking STRANGE. <br> <br> This is like the normal come-up queasiness, but much, much worse. I feel paranoid, skittish, anxious, that I have made a grave error and am doomed to experience whatever effects this tab is going to have on me. NOT good and a very far variation from my normal “keep it lighthearted, go with the flow, try to control your trip by reminding yourself to let go of control” mindset. I’m trying to voice this to P but he is drunker than I, and evidently not feeling the L yet. He keeps saying, “I’m telling you, that acid was junk, you just think you’re tripping and your imagination is running with it.” But I think he was just saying that to comfort me, and really was feeling “off’ too, because of what happens then. <br> <br> ~1:45AM: Our friend B comes knocking on P’s door. BANG BANG BANG! All P’s roommates are asleep, we’re both sprawled out having wasted no time getting naked, and now B is totally hammered and appearing out of nowhere on the porch after us parting ways with him downtown. On top of this, B had already been giving P shit earlier that night and they were kind of throwing aggressions back and forth while we were downtown. I attribute this to drunk boy behavior, they have been friends for 7 years, close enough to get annoyed with each other now and then and not fall out over it. So this scared me, when rather than going down and telling B to go home or just asking him to please shut the hell up and offering the couch to sleep on in return (which would not at all be out of character for P): <br> <br> BANG BANG BANG! P and I both: “what the hell?” he checks his phone, the ringer is broken so he doesn’t get notifications, but of course now we see backed up messages from B “you home? I am coming through” “be there in 5” “I am on your porch” etc. Ok, nothing serious, we were downtown together not that long ago so he probably assumed we were awake and just drifted through. But P loses his shit! “Fuck no… after he was being a dick to me all night. My roommates both work in the morning and now I have to explain this shit tomorrow,” etc, he goes downstairs and I hear him SCREAMING. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE” and all this horrible shit to B. I can’t even hear B’s answers because P is so fucking pissed and loud. To be fair, B was really being a dick earlier and I witnessed that, but damn. I mean jeez P. Well mission effective, both P’s roommates come out asking questions. Meanwhile I am naked and afraid, if you will, in his room still, ears to the ground trying to decide what to do. I don’t want P to come back up here and me in my frazzled state have to deal with him all angry. <br> <br> Understand this. My sweetheart is as gentle as a lamb. I love it about him, he never would lay a hand on me and sometimes he’s polite to me even when we’re fighting, which is both charming and infuriating. He is a mellow fellow to the core. I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen him truly angry. So for him to have snapped on B like that is totally out of character and I know there is another factor to P’s reaction, and I’m thinking the acid because my nerves are on edge right now too. Without thinking it through I get dressed, go downstairs and slip out the door, which P has just slammed in B’s face. B is bewildered on the porch but I have no explanation for him and just feel the need to flee. <br> <br> My house is 4 blocks away from P’s. I practically run there, feeling paranoid about being alone on the street at 2am, being a 120~ pound female with no self defense experience. My roommates are still downtown together and I know there’s no guarantee at this point that they will end the night at our house. I decide the best thing to do is sleep this off, being that I am still not quite tripping, and as of yet just feeling really unsettled. I slither into bed and pull the blankets over my head. P is calling me, where did I go, why the fuck did I leave, etc, and things start to get confusing. I find myself calling him back but unable to express my feelings or motives for leaving. Instead I say to him, as I realize it myself, “I do not want to be alone for this.” I feel so internally jumbled that I know this is going to be a strange trip. I have exceeded the point of being able to assess my feelings and say to myself “maybe this is just because I’m drunk.” I know with all certainty that this feeling is not normal and I do not want to experience it alone when P is just 4 blocks away. However he does not want to come to me and I hang up on him, frustrated, crying. <br> <br> I realize suddenly I am exhausted – I had spent 12 hours earlier today in the studio, attending my classes and making progress on projects (I am an interior design student) and on top of that had not really had a sufficient dinner, as I had had a class from 5-7:30pm and had gone straight to P’s afterward, where I had begun drinking. So I am feeling weak and glued to my bed. But I know I need to go back to P’s, and the more I think about it, my limbs begin sort of tingling, like I am somehow simultaneously full of energy, envisioning myself running and skipping the four blocks back to P’s, and also excruciatingly tired. Still crying with no explanation, just feeling frazzled, I suck it up and throw off the blankets, change into sweatpants, and made the walk back to P’s. At this point he is not answering my calls. It’s been about 15 minutes since I hung up on him. Knowing his phone doesn’t ring and the door is locked, I might have to just turn around and go back home once I get there, I take my chances. <br> <br> During the walk is when I feel I begin to truly trip. I am no longer afraid of the dark streets or paranoid of meeting strangers here at this hour, being more focused on the appearance of my shadow cast on the sidewalk in front of me by the streetlights. “It’s like I am walking with a friend,” and other vague scattered and disassociated thoughts follow. For a moment I feel compelled to lean against the wall of a house on the corner and stare up at the sky, which is vividly blue and shining bright with stars. I can’t tell if I am cold or not (it’s January). I have the urge to run all the way back downtown, feeling a strangely intense desire to skip down the middle walkway of the city park (which is about 15 blocks away from my house), I envision myself running around the central fountain under the streetlights, riding my bike through the dead streets in the middle of the night. At the same time, I feel as if there is an invisible string tying my forehead to the pavement, pulling me down. I feel like I need to lay down, but that if I lay down, I will be similarly convinced that what I really need is to run around and expend some energy. <br> <br> I keep walking, calling P the whole time, alternately leaving mostly unintelligible messages in which I profess my need for company and plead for him not to have fallen asleep. Reason being that he is a very heavy sleeper, almost nothing will wake him up from a good slumber, I know if he locked the door and went to bed I’m fucked. I’m on his porch and still no answer, the door is locked, the windows are dark. I knock softly three times and sit on the steps to call him again, unsure of how to proceed. Mercifully his roommate comes to the door after about a five-minute period of silence, saying he thought he heard a knock. Thank god, as I was feeling too timid to knock again and had just been sitting there, my thoughts swimming. <br> <br> 2:30AM: I go upstairs to P and this is where things turn heavy, as I am grappling with the onset of this strange new type of trip in which I feel the return of that constant ominous presence that lurked over my come-up. I am crying again and P, who has now finally realized the acid was not junk, is cupping my face and snuggling me and only making partial sense. In fact I briefly suspect he is sleep talking and ask him, “are you awake?” which confuses him, so I know he is awake and definitely tripping a little bit. From here on though I cannot describe what he was feeling because I was completely lost in myself. <br> <br> For the next six hours I lie next to P, at some point again ripping off all my clothes as I desperately try to make myself more comfortable in any way possible. I grind my teeth, turn over and over in his bed, and sob endlessly. I remember, at several points, him holding me while I cried so hard I shook, and then we would pause and laugh as he made some crazy observation of his own trip, and suddenly I was sobbing again with no explanation. I remember putting my hand to my face and feeling no semblance of my own face, just rubbery foreign lips covered in leaky snot and tears. I remember actually feeling awed by the sheer quantity of snot on my face, thinking wow, that all came from me, it feels satisfying to cry this heartily. Yet with the exceptions of fleeting observations such as that, it was, in short, awful. In the intervals of P taking a break from consoling me to deal with his trip on his own side of the bed, I keep turning over onto my stitches and am only dimly aware of how painful that really is. I have flashes of memories also from this time period of lying on my back and touching my hip bones, looking down my abdomen at my ribs and stomach and being distracted from my tears for just long enough to question, whose body is this? I didn’t recognize it as my own. I felt it looked malnourished and was almost repulsed. What’s more painful is this sensation: <br> <br> Between the hours of about 3 and 8AM, what I remember most vividly is the feeling that I had accumulated all the suffering and emotional anguish in the world and was tasked with the responsibility of letting every cry be heard <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">what I remember most vividly is the feeling that I had accumulated all the suffering and emotional anguish in the world and was tasked with the responsibility of letting every cry be heard</div></div>. I felt that I had no choice but to match every single cry of loss and pain that had ever occurred in the history of humanity. The tears just kept coming, I was even amazed at how long I would go on sobbing without taking a breath, until my sides hurt and my cries made no sounds. I had no personal, logical explanation for my tears and yet felt wholly justified in my endless wailing. I envisioned an infinite sea of people- like when you see footage of a music festival and the camera pans out in an aerial view of a huge crowd- and they all saw me too, but that huge crowd was crying in unison, some screaming, some silent and lost in their pain, but just all of these humans crying and suffering, and I felt somehow that it wasn’t enough for them to all suffer individually. I felt that I needed to echo that pain as if to validify it, as if to say, I know you all are hurting, and I am hurting too, just for you. Their pain was my pain, and so it felt natural to cry for so long and so strenuously given that we were all suffering so much in our own private worlds. What I am emphasizing though is that although I knew my crying wasn’t due to any personal factors, it still felt deeply personal. I felt as if I had nothing in this world, as if I had never had anything at all, and somehow had lost everything anyway. It was baffling and agonizing. The overwhelming sadness was too much to take. I remember P asking me numerous times, genuinely concerned, “why are you crying so much?” and my genuine answer, I feel like I want to die. <br> <br> Describing these feelings in Earthly terms sounds pretty grim. The truth is that this feeling wasn’t all scary. Like I said, it felt natural to cry about everything I had lost, everything I had never lost or even wanted, and everything that had ever been lost to anyone. The tears just kept coming as I kept finding new sources of pain inside myself. I wasn’t scared, just tremendously hurt. <br> <br> ~8:30AM: I “wake up.” I never actually slept, but large chunks of the night that I spent facing the wall, curled up on my side with my back to P, are completely lost from my memory. I look around P’s room feeling like this is not where I have been for the past 6 hours, I was someplace else, but knowing with absolute certainty that I had not slept. It was as if I had been erased from the physical world while I spent some time grieving for all of humanity in my own private world. What I am saying is I feel like I literally disappeared into my own head for a span of at least five hours. This does terrify me. <br> <br> I unsteadily walk to the bathroom at this point and go pee. My lips feel rubbery and numb; in the mirror I realize I have bitten off lots of skin there while crying. My head is pounding and in addition to the pain in the stitches over my left eyelid, both eyes are swollen with tears to the point it looks like I got sucker punched twice. I carefully wash my face, clean my stitches and spend some time looking in the mirror. <br> <br> Here I experienced something that has happened to me on acid exactly three times before. I look at my reflection and have the sensation of looking at another person, a stranger to me. There is no sense at all of my self residing in that body. I observe my facial features and naked body out of curiosity, totally free from self consciousness. It was unsettling the first time I “left my body,” but I have come to see it as a rare and precious experience and treat it as such when it happens. The harder I stared though, changes began to occur. I felt almost intrusive, in the way it is uncomfortable to openly stare for great lengths of time at someone you don’t really know. Standing before my reflection truly was like standing before a mysterious stranger with whom I felt no more than a distant connection. I looked into “my” eyes and thought things like, “you look aloof but I know you.” And I grappled with the intense strangeness that I was observing this other person from behind her own eyes and she didn’t even know it. It was like my thoughts and the body and face in the mirror were two parts of an equation that you know is true, but just don’t add up. <br> <br> Soon my reflection’s head begins subtly shrinking while her hand, which has come up to rest under her cheek, slowly grows. The result is unsettling and revolting on a primal level and I turn away as my face begins to warp. I have regained only a partial sense of self, I don’t feel at one with the body in the mirror but I know now that it is mine and I will come back to it soon. I don’t need to look in the mirror any longer and see my face distort into something else, now that I feel connected to my face again I find the changes to it personally frightening. Feeling like I have been run over by a train as I gradually “reenter” my body, I go downstairs for a glass of water, which feels like it weighs ten pounds in my hand. I have to lean on the sink and hold the glass with both hands to drink steadily. I leave it downstairs because I am not strong enough to hold it in one hand while climbing the stairs and holding the rail with the other hand. I feel that if I don’t hold the rail, I will either fall down the stairs or float away. <br> <br> P is sleeping in his bedroom. I have the sensation that the bed, which actually is about knee-height for me, is level with my chest, and the far side is higher up, so it’s tilted towards me. P is splayed out on top of it, somehow precariously balanced on this slope. I blink my eyes, the bed is so tilted, shouldn’t he be sliding onto the floor? It is deeply unnerving. I lie down but my head still aches and I am in physical pain, and as I close my eyes my rushing thoughts take over, but there is nothing substantial there, just choppy memories of the prior six hours, and fleeting observations about the night which come together like puzzle pieces. I make a long note in my phone detailing the feelings from the worst part of the trip, as they are still fresh and coming back to me and because, still riding out the tail end of my trip, I know I will want to hear my own words in this state once I’ve come down. It takes about twenty minutes to record everything I want to say. When I’m done I roll a joint and smoke it very slowly, feeling myself gradually calm down and listening to P breathing next to me which I always find very soothing, and he feels very warm. I snuggle up and the toke puts me to sleep until 11am. <br> <br> Now it’s about 6pm of that same day. I still haven’t slept beyond those 3 hours and I feel very bad. My head hurts, my limbs ache, I find that walking feels like floating and sinking at the same time. I have a shift at my restaurant in half an hour and debating how to tell my manager I physically cannot do this right now without losing my job. Oh well. I wonder what was it that made this trip different from all my others. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I wonder what was it that made this trip different from all my others.</div></div> Was it my attitude going into the trip, i.e. “I don’t think I really want to do this right now but I have no choice”? Was it the acid itself? Was it just that the universe decided I am finally ready to open this door into myself, and to see the dark side of acid? <br> <br> I had never had a “bad trip” with acid before this. Only one bad experience with mushrooms that does not even begin to compare to the pain and discomfort of last night. Now I know acid can be life altering and enlightening, but it can also turn me onto some things in myself I would rather not see, and be life-altering and enlightening in that sense too. I am still searching for an explanation, and to fully regain my sense of connection with this reality. I think I have seen all there is for me to see in that particular book and will probably not be doing acid again. I think there is an extent to which it is healthy to separate the mind from the body, the ego from the soul. For every individual it’s a different line. I have crossed that line of my own and no longer feel comfortable leaving my body. <br> <br> Now sober, the note I made in my phone at 8am reads as if written by a crazy person, which I guess it was. One quote of my own stands out to me: “I have felt the pain of everything at once.” After this long-winded story, that sentence alone sums up my trip. I am exhausted. Be safe everybody.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 107759</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Mar 26, 2019</td><td>Views: 9,583</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=107759&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=107759&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Alcohol (61), LSD (2), OBE (332) : Combinations (3), Relationships (44), Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3.8 g</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right"> </td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/1p-lsd/">1P-LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">210 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> I've been told by a friend that I should try and get this off my chest, so here we go. Also, some details are left out, and names are changed. Just in case, ya know? <br> <br> A year before this incident, I tried my first psychedelic; 1.5g of mushrooms. The trip was incredibly intense for the dose and I vividly remember being so damn amused by every little change. It was love at first CEV. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">It was love at first CEV.</div></div> After this, I began smoking weed frequently, and would try both LSD and Mescaline before the year's end. <br> <br> Two weeks before the anniversary of the Alpha Trip (as I had taken to calling it), I decided to celebrate the momentous day by going further than I ever had, and blasting straight to space. The weeks flew by and my preparations were going well. I had gotten ahold of a half-ounce of mushrooms from a friend that grew them locally, and had driven around a nearby city for far too long until I found some acid. <br> <br> Three close friends and myself had requested 3 days off, and hunkered down with plenty of food, drink, and too many drugs. For me at least, even the chillest psychs can be really taxing on my mind. At any substantial dose it is very easy for my trip to turn bad, another lovely gift from my anxiety. I spent the day prior meditating, and trying to clear the nervous energy I could already feel. The rest of the day was spent cleaning and beautifying, anything to help with making the trip more comfortable. <br> <br> At around 10:00, after giving everyone time to wake up, we decided to split the mushrooms first. The entire time weighing everyone's doses out I could feel the nervousness coming back. We ate the mushrooms, tried (and failed) to get the taste out of our mouths, and I began packing a bowl. The bowl got passed around, and before long it was ash and I felt my nerves start to relax. <br> <br> Before I go much further, let me brief you on my fellow trippers. Matt, one of my closest friends, has what we've joked is aphantasia. Every time we've done L or mushies before, he's never gotten a single visual. At this time, he was engaged to Renee, one of the worst people I've had the displeasure of meeting. My favorite person ever, Luke, is my oldest friend. He trip-sat the Alpha Trip and is kind of the cool uncle to our friend group, despite being the youngest. Isaac, Matt's brother, was a psych virgin, and is the mediator of the group. I can't tell you how many times he's broken up stupid fights. <br> <br> Continuing on, at around 10:45, I begin feeling what I think are the mushrooms. I knew I was in for a ride, as all previous trips took almost 2 hours to kick in. For some ungodly reason, Luke convinced me to finish off the dust from the bag. Around this time, Luke gets a phone call. It's work! Demanding he come in! So, crazy bastard that he is, he puts on his work clothes and goes in for a shift. Not 30 seconds after he leaves, Matt's fiance Renee gets home. First thing through the door she is ranting about some bullshit that doesn't make any sense to anyone but her. Matt quickly tells her that we've dosed, and that she needs to relax. He ends up convincing her to come to their bedroom and leave Isaac and I alone. So in an hour, this trip has gotten quite a lot more uncomfortable, but I can't back out now! To ease the transition, Isaac and I decided to take 2 tabs of acid. <br> <br> Until about 12, I was on my laptop, playing music and browsing Reddit, laughing my ass off at the stupidest shit. Isaac is right there beside me, dying along with me. Shortly after 12, when our laughter has subsided and the trip was really coming on strong, Isaac decided to retreat to his room and read (to this day I don't get it). Now that I am beginning to trip pretty hard, I go around the room, turning off the bright lights, leaving only a light pink mood light on. I sat back down on the couch, and the lighting from my laptop screen was like smoke, just pouring off the edges of the light. <br> <br> From this point on, the trip began getting so intense I was losing track of both time and conscious thought <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text"> the trip began getting so intense I was losing track of both time and conscious thought</div></div>. It took everything I had to steady my shaking hands and focus my eyes, and I eventually managed to get in a pair of earbuds and play some music. Stereotypically, I started with Pink Floyd, and progressed to Kiev and Red Hot Chili Peppers. The whole time, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. There was a beautiful endless field of these pulsing pyramids, each one green, blue, and purple, all moving to the rhythm of the music. When I changed the music to RHCP (The Getaway), the pyramids became these dancing figures. They were female, and they sang along! The more I got my whole body grooving to the music, the happier they were and the prettier the colors. <br> <br> Suddenly I was vomiting. A lot. I'm not a very quiet person when throwing up either, it sounds like I'm dying. Matt came out of his room, saying he was pulled out of his rabbit hole by the sounds of death. When he saw the mess, he carefully pulled me to my feet and guided me to the bathroom, where he told me to get in the shower. I somehow managed to get my clothes off and climb in. The water was cold, and I could feel each and every drop leeching life out of my very being. Every drop was a small malevolent universe, and each one that hit me was destroyed, taking my essence with it. I was wrought with fear, regret, and guilt. <br> <br> At some point, probably a minute later (felt like an hour), I managed to climb out of the shower. I just changed right into a pair of clean clothes, no drying off. For the life of me, I couldn't get the strength in my hands to turn the shower off. So I simply curled up in the corner, wet, cold, and losing my mind. The visuals were so intense at this point I couldn't tell if my eyes were open or closed, and I was trapped in a really nasty thought-loop. I became convinced my grandfather was watching from heaven and was so disappointed in me. I became convinced none of my friends or family actually cared about me. I was also afraid for poor Luke, tripping while at work. (Although honestly he would do shit like that often.) I was internally just begging for death, but I was afraid that if I did die I'd be stuck in this hell forever. <br> <br> At some point, I "saw" a sort of tear in the middle of my vision, like I was seeing my nose from inside. The tear slowly opened, and these beautiful 4-D fractals were pouring from the edges. I saw, in the tear, a face. It was colorless, with this strange iridescence around it. In the same instant I recognized it as a face, I saw myself, as a child, giggling and enjoying a warm summer day with my mom. I saw myself, as a teenager, sneaking out of the house. I saw my first car accident. I saw myself, older now, being handed my baby daughter for the first time. I saw myself as an older man, sending my children off to college. And I saw my deathbed. My sister, my wife, my two kids, sitting at my side, tears running down their faces as the EKG flatlines. <br> <br> And I saw it again. All of it. <br> <br> And again. <br> <br> And again. <br> <br> Over and over, faster every time, until I realized what I was being shown. Not just images, but a lesson. How could a stick figure truly perceive depth? How can a human truly experience time? I was shown the loop; past, present, future, they are the same. The suffering, the happiness, and the boredom are all concurrent. I was in the middle of puzzling out how the loop caused the trick of consciousness when the bathroom door opened. <br> <br> Matt and Isaac were standing there, looking concerned. I mumbled out "I can't turn it off. I tried." Matt told me it was perfectly fine, and turned it off for me. They lifted me to my feet and guided me back to the living room. The patterns in here were so intense they were all I could see. The couch, the tapestry, the curtains, all bleeding over everything else. Thankfully, my insane revelations had stopped. I fell on the couch, and curled back into a ball, shivering. I don't know how long I laid there before I asked for a blanket, only to be told I was staring right at one on the couch. I could not see it an inch from my face, but I could feel it (though the sensation felt very delayed) and so I crawled underneath it. <br> <br> For about an hour, I was curled there, writhing, and saying every crazy thing that popped into my head, just spilling my guts. Thankfully, Matt and Isaac were very patient, asking questions and listening intently. (They told me later they were trying to find any logic in my madness and failed.) All of a sudden, in one instant, the fog lifted and the trip relaxed. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">All of a sudden, in one instant, the fog lifted and the trip relaxed.</div></div> I sat straight up, pulled the blanket off my head, and grinning at Matt, said "Well I'm glad that's over. I feel much better now." Shortly after I asked them to put on Dark Side Of The Moon, and we sat for awhile, as I listened to them talk about their relatively chill, fun experiences. <br> <br> At 6:00, Luke got home and I just wrapped him in a hug as soon as he got back. We sat and talked about anything and everything under the sun for the better part of two hours. I had this full body glowing euphoria during. Around 8:30, I smoked another bowl, feeling the last of the psilocybin leaving my system, and quickly fell asleep. <br> <br> That next day was the most heavenly afterglows I have ever had, it felt like a whole day of peaking on a small dose of molly. Following this, I had about three months of sporadic depression. Since that day, despite having really dark moments, I no longer fall into months-long bouts of depression, and my anxiety is a lot more manageable now. I have also experienced some noticeable persistent hallucinations, namely light halos, level 3 geometry when my eyes are closed, or when staring at single-color surface, and very faint auras. <br> <br> All in all, this was the most difficult trip I've ever had, but not the last! I learned a lot, and was forced to confront a lot of demons. I would also say that I have been more extroverted since the trip, going out of my way to be social, as opposed to near recluse status.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 113067</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: May 6, 2019</td><td>Views: 8,933</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=113067&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=113067&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">Mushrooms (39), LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Depression (15), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 4:15</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">70-80 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 9:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">5 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/diazepam/">Pharms - Diazepam</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">70 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> T + 0:00 200 µg LSD oral Liquid <br> T + 4:15 70-80 mg MDMA oral Pill/Tablet <br> T + 9:00 5 mg Diazepam oral Pill/Tablet <br> <br> Body weight: 70 Kg <br> <br> This experience took place at my house, during a Friday night. I was willing to embark on this journey since a while and I was just waiting for the right conditions. It was the end of July and I just concluded three months of full-on study and working in a university research laboratory. The weather was beautiful, the house was empty and I was free from any direct responsibility for at list one week. On top of that a week prior during the weekend I dropped 100 µg of LSD both to test the potency and to refresh my memory of the substance since it was almost one year, since last time I took it. The 100 µg felt very energetic but very little visuals and in about 8 hours it was done. I prepared the liquid LSD simply dropping a 300 µg blotter into 10 ml of H₂O in a dark vial, let dissolve and then with a pipette just take the desired volume and ingest. I found that this solution was better for having a more accurate dosage and more surprisingly for me this method reduced the nausea almost to zero, it is just a matter of swallowing a small amount of water rather that keeping that blotter under the tongue, which even though its tasteless it causes to me, stomach discomfort. <br> <br> The mindset was perfect and I was confident that I would have had a great time, the substances were obtained from a very trusted source, were tested with three different reagents and passed with very good results. The Diazepam was pharmaceutical grade and the days prior, during the experience and afterward I took antioxidant supplements. <br> <br> I experienced with many substances, particularly with hallucinogens but always proceeded with baby steps, under my belt I had mushroom, LSD, 2CB, MDMA, ketamine, cocaine, salvia divinorum, weed, heroin etc. The reason I tried all this stuff was simply that I was curious and after my first mushroom trip, where I felt myself merge with the universe and explode in an endless ecstasy, I became an avid psychonaut. <br> <br> The reason why I was cautious, was due to the fact that I would like to get the things right. <!-- As an Erowid reader -->I got the message very clear by those many disastrous trip reports. This, in my case, together with much work to do, held me back from experience with what I think is the right dosage for psychedelics: enough to fly into the realms of my mind and explore places that I never visited before. Those many experience that I did were very funny and provided many insights in what I was doing, who I was and the environment around me but always lack that spiritual spark that light up a full psychedelic experience. <br> For this reason, this time I wanted and I was prepared to take a step further. <br> <br> FIRST PART <br> <br> T +0:00 <br> It’s about 21.00 pm I drop 200 µg of LSD. I’m in my house just by myself, with my red cat and we are ready to trip together. Before feeling any effects, I prepare comfy couches, water, computer with music and I switch on a light which morph in many rainbow colors. I also prepare the MDMA dose in such way that if I want, at the right time I only have to swallow the material. <br> <br> Already after 20 minutes I can feel a shift in colors, it is not kicking-in super hard, but it is harder and faster than I experienced before. For about an hour I have this feeling of something building inside me, it isn’t something unpleasant but I can understand why sometimes the come-up can be difficult. I just let go and experience these feelings without judging, I’m a spectator of what is happening and I already gave-up completely to the LSD. <br> <br> The pattern on the walls are very vivid, the shifting color light enhance a lot the visuals producing areas of light and shade which are perfect for let the imagination complete those spots. The close eye visuals are even better, I’m relaxing in a world of sounds and colors and it is very beautiful. The body though, is a bit tense and it feel like if I’m rolling and moving inside my own skin, I can’t find the right spot to relax without moving every 5 minute to change position on the couch. <br> <br> During the come-up the time felt stretch like crazy, ten minutes felt like 2 hours and for this reason the classic thought passed through my mind, but I know it very well “how long does it takes to finish? Will it ever end??” I don’t care, I let it pass and go without giving it a second look. <br> <br> I decide to stand up to stretch and move my muscle to release the tension. I start to move in rhythm with the music, following the energy flowing through my body, I can feel every fiber, every muscle, energy rushing through my limbs, chills of pleasure running down my spine. That crazy psychedelic grin appears on my face as I feel the raw power, dancing at the center of the room transported by the music on the way down from the peak. At this stage the feeling that was building inside me has dissolved and I feel light, most of the thoughts that were passing by before now I cannot see them anymore, I feel free, completely immersed in this liquid music. <br> <br> I lay down on the carpet and let myself dive deep into my mind, I find myself into an infinite dimension, completely relaxed. I wake up, as I felt asleep for a few seconds. This happens few times in a row, I start to forget where and who I am. I understand that I’m slipping away from myself and entering into the universal consciousness, I’m ready, I want to, I’m here for that, I push my thought away and in a glimpse I found myself looking at the same things but from another prospective. Nothing new, this is a place that I very well known. I focus on the prospective, as things are the same, only the observer must have changed. I realize that I’m something or someone else continuously changing but the feeling of being me is still there, I let it go and it culminates in an ecstatic feeling, I’m everywhere, I’m everyone, I’m infinite. This state lasted for quite a long time, I wanted to stay there, I was complete, that missing part of myself was found, those questions were answered. <br> <br> I bathed in this ecstatic energy cleaning myself and observing the universe, I remember very vividly that I follow a female diver in her last moment where was killed by a shark and I was with her. I felt her let go and fuse with me, I felt the pain dissolve and her consciousness entering mine, I welcome her giving complete, unconditional love and acceptance. <br> <br> I control the phone and I see a message of my sister, she is 1000 km away now, in her holidays, she writes me that she had some flash of me running free in the mountains ahead of a pack of wolves, leading them. I do not talk I only growl, I have on my head the head of the old alpha that I beat in a duel. The crazy thing is that at that moment I was listening to the album Skywolf of Kyoto which as a cover has an old man half wolf, half astronaut. I send her a pictures and she said that she has imagined exactly that. Crazy coincidence or higher connection, honestly I don’t know. <br> <br> This was a period of complete joy where I mastered the ability to enter into my personality or let go and enter in the universal consciousness. As I did this I understand that I’m able to remain in this “superior” state of consciousness even if I move and look around, I integrated this new part of me into the previous myself. The straightforward thought that come from this realization is that if I’m able to keep this state or to reenter in this state by my own will, without the help of a substance, I will be divine, I will be the universe showing itself thought itself. Now I understand the respect of people in the Tibetan culture for Buddha. But I guess is not such an easy thing to achieve!! Probably a lifetime or more lives of complete dedication and discipline. <br> <br> SECOND PART <br> T + 4:15 <br> Drop the MDMA, about 70-80 mg, brief consideration on the timing and dosage, after extensive research I decided to proceed in this way for a series of reasons. I think that the LSD experience needs to be “pure”, needs to be understand and the sweet final needs to be deserved. In such way first I got out of LSD what I wanted and then adding MDMA I could steer the experience to another direction <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">first I got out of LSD what I wanted and then adding MDMA I could steer the experience to another direction</div></div> bringing with me what I have learned before. Regarding the dosage with M I prefer to stay low, avoid hard crash and enjoy the experience without been too greedy, moreover considering that mixing the substance they should potentiate each other, is better for me to stay low. <br> <br> I feel the effect only after 10 minute after ingestion, I’m suddenly more awake and the visual are amazingly crystalline and colorful, I walk to the bathroom and look in the mirror, my eyes are black, only pupils. The equilibrium is almost gone, stumbling I lay down to pet my cat and talk a little bit with him which seems more fucked up than me. He is super excited, running around and talking to me, I can feel the connection and I can understand what he is communicating to me. For a little bit I follow him in the garden where he shows to me some places and some potential preys. It is very funny and he makes me laugh hard. The period of the come-up was a little bit annoying to me because the body load was clearly present but I couldn’t feel the bliss, and before I took it I already was in a blissful state. <br> <br> After about one hour I start to feel this fabulous energy waves though my body. Form there I had four hours where I was just listening to the music completely lost in a blissful dimension, again. I found that with the effect of MDMA is even easier slipping in the universal consciousness because is easier to accept it and let it go. On the other hand, toward the end I found disconnected thoughts like burning arrows passing into my mind and bringing me back to “reality”. I don’t know if this is normal when you come down and you come back to yourself, but I felt like that the MDMA was overpowering the LSD at this point. <br> I walk outside to watch the sunrise, I’m hot from the MDMA and the fresh air on my body is awesome. I stay a little bit with my cat, definitely coming down off the M, that blissful feeling is gone and I’m only mildly hallucinating. Probably I would have had another two hours of comedown but at that point I wanted a little sleep. <br> <br> T + 9:00 <br> I took 5 mg of Diazepam and laid on the bed, in about 5 minute I was sleeping, wake up fresh after 5 hours of sleep, the day was easy and I felt good. Now that are passed 6 days from the experience I still feel the afterglow, it was a very important experience for me, very positive and difficult to forget, I hope. <br> <br> SUMMARY AND CONSIDERATION <br> The experience in my opinion was fantastic, both for the visuals, the feelings and the spirituality, I look forward to a repeat but with some adjustments. For example, I would prefer a higher LSD dose let’s say 250-300 µg and a lower dose of MDMA about 50-60 mg (I know that I will sound ridiculous to many used to take 250mg of M), my aim is to have a profound experience from the LSD, without the MDMA cutting out the deepness and spirituality. <br> <br> Moreover, at least for me, with no tolerance, already with this dosage of M I had my eyes rolled back in pleasure for most of the time which I think I find difficult to achieve with only 150mg of M alone which is more than double the amount. <br> <br> Regarding timing, I think that if I repeat with the same dosage I will take the MDMA little bit earlier at about T+ 3:30 <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">if I repeat with the same dosage I will take the MDMA little bit earlier at about T+ 3:30</div></div>. If increasing the dosage of LSD, I think that T+ 4:00/4:30 should be good, because in this case it needed more than one hour to fully kick-in. <!-- Ultimately, I think that if interested, one should try and find out what he/she prefer, is-->It's also true that the higher the dosage the faster it kicks-in. <br> <br> The day after and the following week I felt normal, with at moments, beautiful and clear emotional flashbacks, mostly while listening again to some tracks. No side effect from the MDMA use, which I think is due to three factors, the low amount consumed, the combination with LSD and more importantly the antioxidant supplements<!-- , which I can tell you with scientific evidence that can REDUCE the oxidative stress caused by this substance-->.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2017</td><td width="90">ExpID: 111028</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Aug 23, 2019</td><td>Views: 3,906</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=111028&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=111028&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Mystical Experiences (9), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 2:40</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 3:40</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">50 mg</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">70 kg</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Ultimate pleasure of Mandy, Lucy and the Lion <br> ---------------------------------------- <br> WARNING: English is not my natural language, so please excuse any bad grammar and spelling. <br> <br> dosage <br> T+0.00 LSD 150ug (blotter / tab) <br> T+2:40 MDMA 100mg (powder / crystals) <br> T+3:40 MDMA 50mg (powder / crystals) <br> <br> I'll start with a little bit of background info. Since my first psychedelic experience 4 months ago with magic mushrooms I've been spending at least an hour each day thinking and reading about various mind-altering drugs. <br> <br> The experience was simply so strong and profound that it's been impossible to ignore. Unfortunately my beautiful psychedelia-loving friend lives in another country, and at most I get to see them once every year. Where I live, at least around the people I know, we don't talk about drugs. Except for alcohol and weed most people think all drugs are dangerous and for people who's life are falling apart. But through various internet forums I made contact with another fellow mind-explorer, a girl I will refer to as Amy. <br> <br> By coincidence she happened to live just a few hundred meters away from my apartment. So we met and chatted a few times. She's only had experience with MDMA and cannabis, but is very curious about LSD and mushrooms too. <br> <br> So finally 4 months after my adventure with mush I finally got some LSD blotters and had the apartment to myself. I called Amy for a favor, and she arrived with her boyfriend Ryan to give me some MDMA. We chatted for a while about psychedelics, and it seemed like Amy was keen to join, but her boyfriend didn't want to. Too bad, I really did hope they wanted to join me. <br> <br> After they left I had a hard time deciding whether to actually do it. I had consumed a small dose before to verify that it was the real deal, but this was my first full blotter. I open a notepad: <br> <br> T+0:00 Ok lets do it. Here goes nothing... <br> <br> T+0:43 The classic distortions are beginning to appear. Colors are brighter and the RGB components on my laptop screen are splitting. I'm enjoying simple visuals like breathing and morphing of static images. I have a rather anxious and speedy feeling. Although I'm not crying in an emotional way, my eyes are tearing up. <br> <br> <!-- I'm especially fond of this photo of the night sky in the forest: http://amazingpics.net/content/Lovely%20Forests/forests%20138.jpg <br/> <br/> -->T+0:44 I'm laying in my bed listening to Röyksopp and Robyn's Monument. I'm so immersed in the music, observing every little instrument and part of it. It doesn't bother me at all that I'm listening to a low-quality laptop speaker, the music is recreated in my brain sounds great. I'm feeling the music. ++ <br> <br> T+0:48 The feeling of time is radically different. I can't understand that just a few minutes minute has passed. It seems like an eternity, but not in any bad way. An eternity filled with beautiful music. <br> <br> T+0:50 My mind feels shaky, and there's a definitive body load. But it's tolerable, much better than my mushroom experience. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">T+0:50 My mind feels shaky, and there's a definitive body load. But it's tolerable, much better than my mushroom experience.</div></div> Coming up fast. The experience has entered an +++ phase. Amazing. <br> <br> T+0:56 After being a little bit anxious about tripping solo, I'm now 100% confident and positive that this trip will be great. I feel like I have good mental control of the trip. My exhaustive research into the subject has definitively been useful. <!-- Thanks erowid! :)--> <br> <br> T+0:58 I'm experiencing and picturing every tone, every instrument and every word of the music. Great closed eyes visuals. Abstract patterns moving in the rythm of the music. <br> <br> T+1:00 Log: 'I wonder whether this will be possible to read tomorrow, all letters on the screen seems completely mixed up' (yes it was surprisingly few mistakes the next day). <br> <br> T+1:03 I'm getting up from bed, and just to check what my physical capabilities are at this point I do a few sets of pushups, feeling rather stupid. But the feeling afterwards was great, it seemed to amplify both the trip and positive feelings. <br> <br> T+1:10 Walking around looking at various patterns and objects. The bathroom walls are particulary interesting, where three dimensional demonic shapes are breathing and flowing. Looking in the mirror I'm smiling when seeing how funny my eyes are huge and breathing. <br> <br> T+1:17 Log: 'Back from outer space' (don't remember what that meant) <br> <br> T+1:52 My memories from this part of the trip is kind of blurry. My log says: 'I have been thinking about writing down a number of experiences, but I'm unable to focus. Can't write properly'. It still feels like I'm coming up, and it's getting stronger. <br> <br> T+1:54 Log: 'glitchrs in the matrix'. My viewframe is shaking, tearing apart and flickering. Feels like my head is going to explode. Not a scary feeling though, but I guess it could have been if I hadn't been prepared for stuff like this. <br> <br> T+2:20 Took a shower, and while doing that I imagined myself as a lion in the jungle. Yeah I know that a lion in the jungle is not logical, but who cares right? ;) This was magical, I have always had an image of myself as weak, someone resourceful but not a leader. Now I was able to picture myself as an alpha-male, a leader. <br> <br> Trying to see myself in this way usually makes me shameful. But why so? I'm the leader of the pack, the best me. I care and provide for my family. I got every right to feel this way, humility might be a virtue sometimes but not all the time. <br> <br> I'm in a really good place in my life, so happy and perfect. And strong. There's no need to bring myself down. This was the opposite of ego-death. It felt like my ego-birth. Although knowing that we're all one, our individual identity is also essential. <br> <br> T+2:40 Finished shower and back into bed. Log: 'yeah, and I just took some xtc, ain't no knowin what the side-effects will be.' <br> <br> T+2:45 Just imagined the singularity and the beginning of the universe. The creation of matter and time itself, the hydrogen clouds clustering to stars turning into supernovas creating matter etc, going to galaxies planets. Pure magic, this place is so beautiful, and I'm so lucky to be alive and aware of my existence in this symphony of waves. I'm crying. We're now at ++++ <br> <br> This actually also scared me a bit. One part made me worry for a second that this fantasy could make the whole universe explode. <br> <br> T+2:50 I feel a little bit of remorse about taking the MDMA, why change such a great experience. Well well, let's just roll with it. <br> <br> T+2:53 Nah, regrets are useless. Log: 'mdma mystical enchanted mistress and temptress, violet and pink flowers everywhere ;)' <br> <br> T+3:04 I'm seeing patterns and designs of strawberry, and dripping cherries. Great designs. I really enjoy this, it's been many years since I felt any inspiration for graphical design. It has a very feminine feeling, like it a lot. <br> <br> T+3:07 Log: 'Oh yeah mandy's definitively kicking now. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. My keyboard doesn't have enough MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM to describe the feeling'. I feel surprisingly clearheaded too. Listening to Robyns 'Do it again', and dancing in my bed while having what can only be called the most amazing body-orgasms possible! <br> <br> No, I'm not 'having' an orgasm. I AM THE ORGASM. The hallucinations of the LSD are MIXED with the pure euphoria of the MDMA. This is impossible to explain. I have never felt anything like this. I'm crying and laughing and moving around in the bed simply amazed that this is possible. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I'm crying and laughing and moving around in the bed simply amazed that this is possible.</div></div> <br> <br> T+3:10 It's not stopping, it's only getting stronger. Woooooooww oh shit. Waves of light and orgasms. Log: 'I don't think anyone has ever felt something so beautiful and amazing. This is the best bodily sensations that has ever been felt.' I know that's not logical, but that's exactly what it felt like at that point. Pure happiness, actually I'm crying of joy now while writing about it. What an amazing gift! <br> <br> T+3:30 Still just as strong. From log: 'Remember you only get to experience this once!! You're remaining life must NOT be reduced to a hunt for another one! Take this and be thankful!!! Woooooooww'. It's so wonderful it's almost scares me. What will this do to me? But I deserve this! I also make a note to 'thank Amy for bringing me this magical MDMA'. <br> <br> T+3:40 Also took another 50mg of MDMA to keep it going longer. <br> <br> It just continues. Just pure pleasure, dancing with Lucy and Mandy. <br> <br> T+5:00 I'm starting to come down. The hallucinations are actually almost all gone. Looking at the clock this is a bit earlier than expected. I guess this is a side effect of the LSD/MDMA combo. But I'm so satisfied. <br> <br> T+11:00 Back to baseline, and very tired. I think I actually got to sleep 1-2 hours, but these hours were rather blurry. I want to sleep more, but it's very hard. But my face just has a big smile. I'm so satisfied and grateful. <br> <br> Thank you wonderful Lucy and Mandy for a profound and amazing night. <br> <br> Much love out to all my fellow psychonauts, you beautiful mind explorers. <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 103708</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 32</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Oct 1, 2019</td><td>Views: 3,789</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=103708&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=103708&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Alone (16), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">buccal</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">200 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> <!-- I just dabbed some CDB and my memory is wonderful. I've been spending a lot of time here lately and noticed the more time I spend, the more of a context high I seem to pick up from lurking here. Now let's see what kind of a enhancement I can get from properly reporting on as many trips as I can for the first time ever!! before my fiance and child get home! -->Going in order of my most interesting to share... only makes sense to start off with my second most intense, and my most life-altering experience. <br> <br> I was 16 [5 years ago], at the end of my sophomore year in high school at the time, and my only drug-related experience was a few months of moderate (once or twice week) cannabis use. This came from becoming friends with a dude I knew from hanging out with him in a mutual friend group at recess in 1st grade. 12 years later, we were the only people each other knew in gym class and it became the best friendship I have to this day. He is very important to this trip report and most of my others as he is almost always the one there accompanying me. He has always been the smartest, funniest and most aware person I know. Before knowing him, I didn't have any interest (read: any knowledge) in drugs. Even though my brother smoked, I didn't know a single thing about weed besides how it smelled and when he invited me to join him, I would decline. But, when I found out my best friend smoked and he invited me to join, I accepted. My newfound interest was born out of my admiration for my friend. These are the little steps that brought me to the experience. Like a seed going to an apple, it must go through a thousand small changes before becoming what it is. <br> <br> Weed definitely was a gateway drug for me; a gateway to new people, activities, and mindsets. Before smoking, I mostly kept to myself. After school, I would go home and play video games, go on the computer, or play my instruments. Pretty soon, I was riding home with my friend everyday instead. And when he was invited to go smoke with some friends, I would come along, too. Over the summer, I became popular to a niche group of friends who all smoked and tripped (and subsequently the whole class, as these were the popular kids in my class). I enjoyed their stories and their novel ways of thinking because I identified with it more than the people I had been around. I was a band nerd, and in all honor classes, but at the same time I had always been sort of a weirdo, who besides academically didn't fit in with the people in my classes. Most people regarded me as a stoner/hippie years before I even smoked. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">Most people regarded me as a stoner/hippie years before I even smoked.</div></div> I was even regularily suspected of being high at school by my class because apparently things I said were so non-linear... <br> <br> I began researching psychedelics such as acid and shrooms with the sapling of excitement from hearing about my new friends' experiences. Don't get me wrong, though; they told me the good parts, but they also told me the bad, the ugly and the downright crazy. Nevertheless, I wasn't afraid of it one bit. Trip reports I read only fueled my desire to try them. I identified myself as someone with a strong mental resilience and also a very open mind. My main impulse to try was general curiosity, and second was to try and gain some more mental control, and diminish the effects that being on the spectrum has on me (having no mental control, lack of social awareness, low attention span, emotional blanket). Also, as I read in one report, to forget about my first heartbreak, which had come during the previous school year, sort of how people overcome addiction with psychedelics. But surely more curiosity than self-therapy going into it. <br> <br> I told the main procuring friend in the group that I wanted to trip. He asked if I was sure and I said definitely, I even want 2 tabs. He said alright and that it might be a good idea to find some friends to do them with, on top of him, as he would be accompanying me since it was my first time. Of course, I chose my best friend, and another friend I'd had for a while but became way closer with thanks to weed (another really cool, smart, aware dude). Although they'd also never tripped, I believed I had assembled the acid dream team and a week later my friend had the stuff. We set up a date for that weekend and anxiously waited for the day to arrive, polishing off the rest of my research and getting my set and setting prepared. Everyone agreed my house was the best setting as my parents leave for the weekends and it was a comfy chill spot, with everything we'd need to have a successful trip. <br> <br> The night arrived after what felt like a month although it was 3 days. We all got 2 tabs, though the appropriator friend and my other friend saved one of theirs. So just my best friend and I were gonna drop both our tabs. As soon as we were all together, we pulled out the stuff and inspected it. They were white tabs with jesus printed on them in black outline. We were instructed on how to ingest the acid from the tab and we all dropped at the same time. <br> <br> The tabs had no taste whatsoever. I held mine in my mouth for probably 20 minutes, hoping to get as strong as an effect as I could. After this, we decided to go on a walk through my neighborhood during the come-up. It was around 8 pm, the last rays of the sun had just faded away, and the stars had come out. We walked for about 20 minutes before we all started giggling, and touching our own bodies as they had just started to feel so strange. What was coming over us?? I tilted my head back and looked up at the stars in complete and utter astonishment. I could feel every star like the light from it held some kind of power. My eyesight was changed, it was like I could tell how near or how far each star was. This was probably an illusion based on how bright they were in relation to each other, but it was something I'd never seen before. How sensitive my eyes became to light during this come-up has not changed to this day. <br> <br> We headed back to my house and once we were inside, I could tell how much had already changed about my perception in just a half an hour. I could feel the walls, feel being inside them, the situation, feel the color they were, feel the design. I began seeing things in the corners of my eyes that were not there, like a vase full of flowers, or a clock on the wall, normal things that would be normal there but never existed. The body load was now incredible. Waves were pulsating throughout my entire body, my head and my chest were vibrating, my muscles were so sensitive I had to wiggle my arms around like they were tentacles. I look at my friends' eyes and everyone's pupils are giant. <br> <br> An hour in, the body load is starting to subside, and I'm noticing that straight lines are no longer straight. The edges where the wall meets the ceiling are now melting and it looks as if the whole room is slightly transparent and we are floating in the ocean inside of it. We are all talking now, everybody feels really good, open, uninhibited and we all feel connected, like there was some kind of script to our conversation and we all had read it and knew our own and each others lines. It was very surreal. We were actually in the room I use as my home studio and I had a bunch of bongos in there and I suggested we have a drum circle. Not to be the band nerd but because I was teaching drums to the other friend I brought, and had previously taught piano to my best friend and the appropriator also played guitar. We were all very musical and as soon as we had our drums and I began to play a basic beat, the trip immediately hit a whole new level. The drums just sounded amazingly spiritual and musical, and we were also expressing ourselves through them in a way that for me at least, was even more symptomatic than our words. We were all soloing, it was truly fucking wild, and we laughed our asses off at it. It was by far the highlight of the trip for all of us and we played til the peak began to wear off. After this drum circle, we began to talk some more, and the guy our appropriator got the acid from called him. It got so quiet as we shut up to let him talk on the phone in front of us it was almost eerie. He began to laugh really hard and hung up the phone. We were like what happened?? And he said he wanted to know how our trip was going, and to let us know that the tabs we got were triple dosed! He mentioned at this point that it made sense because the acid seemed strong for one tab to him. He estimated the tabs were anywhere from 150 to 300 ug each. We rejoiced over this before turning our attention to our hunger and thirst. We departed this room to forage my house for food. <br> <br> Luckily, I had one of those big, fat watermelons, so we cut it up and distributed slices to everyone. The concept of eating was so strange and unfamiliar but the colorful fresh watermelon did look appetizing, and it was very refreshing. We had a whole half of watermelon left when we got the idea to try to make a hookah like device we could all smoke out of. I scooped all the flesh out and into a tupperware and was left with the hollowed half a watermelon that looked like a helmet for a Rams fan. It was pretty damn near flat and I stuck it flat side down on the cutting board, and we stabbed these little rubber tubing into it to use as mouthpieces, as well as a down-stem in the middle and the others smoked a bowl, all being able to hit it at once. I didn't smoke because I wanted to find a job but it was pretty cool and I was just proud of the engineering and design. I went to the bathroom to pee and after I was finished I looked in the mirror. <br> <br> Ho-lee-shit. I looked completely different now than what I thought I did. My friends had joined me and all of us were just standing in front of the mirror looking at ourselves, and I could tell the other first timers were also seeing what I was seeing. I also saw it in them. They looked much older than I was accustomed to, and I had just never been aware of so much detail in their faces. It was at this point I also began to see how ridiculous we all looked and I realized just how much of my ingrained preconceptions were flushed away by the acid. It was like clearing the cache to get a fresh start. A perception refresh. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">It was like clearing the cache to get a fresh start. A perception refresh.</div></div> I had also noticed at this point that random insights were coming to me. I felt that I was completely over my heartbreak, like something just clicked, and after the trip, it stuck. I don't even know how to explain it, besides that I felt my eyes smile at whatever I was looking at the exact moment the insight came to me and I just knew I was over it. It was probably the most valuable short term effect of the trip. <br> <br> Things began to die down with the others and we put on the movie 'Frank'. I had already seen it, yet about 30 minutes in I was the only one still awake. I tiptoed out of the room letting the movie continue and my friends sleep and continued on with my trip. I didn't feel like the effects had waned at all, plus I wanted to get my money's worth, a full 12 hours of tripping, and I was having a fantastic time. Its about 1:30 am. I went to my studio and turned on my electronic keyboard. I put on the headphones and just began to play. I didnt realize how hard I was tripping, I just closed my eyes and played. The word amazing doesn't do any justice to this experience. How good my keyboard sounded, how rich and vibrant the notes were being played directly into my mind, and the improvisation I was conjuring being like a steam of consciousness. I had always for any instrument had a goal to be able to play on it anything I could imagine, in real time. For piano, this was the closest I've ever got. I seemed to be thinking just the right thing and my hands were just able to match it, or vice-versa. I was also having very intense CEVS, they seemed to be stronger while I was playing and I ended up hallucinating that my eyes were open, although I noticed they weren't because there were a few almost undetectable changes to the room in my vision. The mind is incredibly powerful under the influence of acid. I was very close to not even noticing that my eyes were closed. I was awed. So awed that I got a lil spooked. But that was nothing. I guess I'd played for about an hour. <br> <br> I decided to go on a walk again, as I only felt more energy coming, tip toeing past my sleeping friends and outside where I could look at the stars. I began walking and as I went down my driveway, it was very dark and the big trees along my driveways limbs began to grow. I remember thinking about bears and hoping I didn't see any. It was VERY dark and at the end of my driveway, coming into view, was a black bear. I was still walking full speed at it and as soon as I noticed, I froze fucking dead in my tracks, and we just stared at each other for a good 10 seconds. I did not at the time consider this possibly being a hallucination and I dont know to this day whether it was real or not. It seems the hypothetical bear and I reached a mutual agreement to go our separate ways, and I turned 180 degrees and walked back to my house, not even looking back. My heart was pumping so fast I thought I might faint. I returned to my keyboard to calm myself down. <br> <br> I decided to postpone my walk until it got a little lighter outside, so in the meantime, I ended up listening to Mr. Bungle for hours. Let's just say, my mind was permanently blown forever. Holy fuck. <br> <br> When I noticed the small amount of light starting to appear outside, I ran outside and started heading to a lake in my neighborhood. I planned to kayak during the sunrise. On the way to the lake, there was a herd of deer passing through (animals are a normal occurrence as my subdivision borders a state park) and I held out my hand to one of the deer and began talking to it. It seemed interested and began to inch toward me, but this was probably more due to people around here feeding them. It was still wonderful experience, as I got to see the animal up close, and I'd never seen it with such sharp, clear, detailed focus before. I made it to the lake and began kayaking around the lake, just as the entire sky started to turn red, purple, orange and yellow. I almost cried at how beautiful it was and thinking about how many sunrises just like it I missed in my lifetime just to sleep. As I returned to shore and began walking back to my house, I figured I had fully come down. I was just feeling very tired and emotional, but not unpleasantly. I said good morning to my friends and made sure they could all get home safely and went to bed, where I slept for the next 20 hours! As you can guess, it was the best sleep of my life. <br> <br> So, basically, we tripped like in the 2nd month of my junior year of high school. I did not really notice this because for the first time ever, I had been hanging out with people from school all summer. That made it just not feel like the second month of that school year to me. But anyway, just imagine opening your head up like this and then having something as labyrinthine as high school to navigate immediately afterwards. Honestly though, it was very helpful in elucidating all of the effects of my experience. <br> <br> During the trip, my ego was dissolving - (it dissolved completely and has yet to make a reappearance; I highly doubt it ever will) - and I was too distracted by the psychedelic high to even notice that it was permanently changing who I was. While I noticed that my awareness was very acute, and much better than ever before, I didn't know that this and other effects were things that I actually got to keep. I thought the trip was just showing me what it was like and then when I woke up, everything I felt would be gone and I would barely be even able to remember what it was like. <br> <br> Through these changes, I was able to realize that my ego was actually what was responsible for my lack of awareness. My ego was comprised mainly of defense mechanisms that would deter me from noticing things like peoples reactions, tones of voice, and other et cetera related to social relation. Additionally, it affected my very own self-awareness in another huge personality changing aspect, and it even did so retroactively, as I reminisced about certain past events, situations and even mundane little interactions. <br> <br> I also heard peoples words, tones and noises much differently. I began to notice how people would sniff, cough, clear their throat or make other sounds in an aggressive way, even if they are unaware of it. It just became indicative to an assertive ego to my mind. One of my biggest revelations of acid was that humans are really not to far from animals in their day to day bearing with each other. I saw how survival was the root of every single action I saw; if you traced it back far enough, every little thing anyone did was really just a primal instinct. We just operate in differing forms than animals, but does not mean we are not doing the same thing. <br> <br> I experienced a change in my sense of humor that I believe was related to both of these conceptual perception shifts. I now noticed that people laughed almost to relieve themselves of tension. I saw the difference in genuine laughter and nervous tension-relieving laughter and that the latter was by far the most prevalent that I observed. I had to rediscover what I found funny because I could not even get through the average person's comedy sketch anymore after this. I really couldn't understand what I thought was funny about their jokes, they just seemed to build tension and then have some kind of conclusion at the end to relieve it. I can't even say punchline, because they really didn't seem like it anymore. Everything sounded so straightforward. I guess everyone has their own taste but I lost sight of the sense of humor I had built since being born and began to learn a new one. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I lost sight of the sense of humor I had built since being born and began to learn a new one.</div></div> <br> <br> Psychedelics don't give you anything. Rather, they clear a path for you to discover things yourself. I didn't gain any empathy from my trip, but since I was able to consider quite a bit which I hadn't prior to my experience, I discovered my own capacity for empathy. I began thinking before I spoke, and taking my time to think about people's feelings beforehand. I can tell you without a doubt this was not something I practiced prior to doing acid. I also wasn't given paranoia/anxiety by the trip, but with my ego gone and all the walls I'd built, all the things I'd had ingrained into me and everything I saw as normal was suddenly very much not so, I did get some. But it was mild and a necessary part of any kind of transition from one mindset to the next. It made me less anxious overall in the long run. <br> <br> I guess this sums up what changed in me for the most part. Also note the sensitivity to light became apparent in more than just stargazing, MUCH more. Being in any kind of store whether it be a Costco or a Walmart, or anything with a high ceiling and artificial sunlight could never be seen the same way again. It's like I can now see the 'dark spots' in the room. I don't even know how to describe it really. But being in those types of places gives me a uneasiness now for some reason, the light is just uncomfortable.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 113772</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 16</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Nov 24, 2019</td><td>Views: 4,841</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=113772&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=113772&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Music Discussion (22), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>

<div class="report-text-surround"> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0"> <tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr> </table> <!-- DoseChart --> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart"> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.5 hits</td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 3:50</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> <tr> <td width="90" align="right">  T+ 5:40</td> <td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">  </td> <td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td> <td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td> <td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td> </tr> </table> <br> <table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight"> <tr> <td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td> <td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">143 lb</td> </tr> </table> <br><br><!-- End DoseChart --> <!-- Start Body --> Today I find myself in my early 50s looking back at a long history of psychedelic exploration using many different substances (mostly LSD, mushrooms, cacti, cannabis, DMT, and salvia). Most of the LSD exploration was done in college with no knowledge of how to best use such a useful tool, which resulted in my needing to take a break from all psychedelics for a while. I resumed my studies using all these materials in my 30s, though my approach is much more intentional. Due to life interference I can't trip every weekend, or even every month, so I plan my trips weeks in advance for when I have the house to myself, meditating daily on what I want to do with the trip. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I plan my trips weeks in advance for when I have the house to myself, meditating daily on what I want to do with the trip.</div></div> Afterward I spend days writing about the experience in order to harvest useful information about me. <br> <br> I do not take any daily medications, though a variety of NSAIDS have been used during the past long week of migraine headaches. Today I feel okay and am looking forward to tripping. This is a new to me batch of LSD-25 from a trusted source, and my previous trip with it a couple weeks ago was mild test dose of probably 75 ug (i.e. 3/4 of a standard 100 ug dose). Today will be 1.5 doses and I have a high degree of confidence this is actually 150 ug. (On reflection afterward this seems about right.) <br> <br> T+0:00, Mid-morning (10:40 am): After a bowl of oatmeal, a 1.5 dose LSD tab is now sitting under my tongue. While waiting for effect I busy myself by setting up tripping spaces around the house, loading music into the stereo, disconnecting the phone, etc. My deeper thinking of late revolves heavily around the deaths of all of my family of origin, along with some friends, during the past 5 years, leaving me grieving and questioning what I want to do with the rest of my life. <br> <br> T+0:25 Starting to feel some warmth and a little agitation, something is starting to build! <br> <br> T+0:50 Difficult to play guitar, and typing is suddenly more strained as my fingers appear large and clumsy. Some gut discomfort makes me very glad to not have eaten the eggs. It feels like a classic acid trip is forming, from the pulling at my salivary glands to the disconnected sensations coming from all over my body and beyond. <br> <br> T+1:10 I'm weaving a tapestry out of the goodness from within other people. Some contribute large swaths of fabric, others but a single thread, some just a bit of discarded lint, to create a larger whole. I've been bothered by those I feel only contribute a single thread, but would rather feel gratitude for their being able to do even that much - it all matters and contributes. Oh yeah, I don't know exactly what it is that makes them be the way the are. As always, my advice to me is to stop looking, stop judging, just accept and be part of the journey. Accept and be a part of. Accept and be. Accept. Look at the hand shadows. Accept. The table in front of me and all the objects on it are trying to levitate. Accept. I head outside. <br> <br> T+2:00 My house has been undergoing roof repair, but nobody is expected to come out today. For the past hour or so I'd been out on the patio in a tie dye shirt, face down, in a fetal position on a mat, and realized the the roofers had showed up, unexpectedly! How special! Oh, and I am flying, great, just great! How long have I laid here while they were working? Accept. Accept. Accept... I'll be fine, people do fine, really.... I look up and confirm, yep, they really are on the roof. Fuck. Oh well, the work needs to be done! I hope they have a better handle on reality than I do since everything I'm seeing is moving about, and if it would just settle down maybe I could get a fix on that tricky reality! I manage to sit upright in the lotus position and am expanding across the universe - and the roofers are here... Searching the web for how to say "inebriated" in Spanish: "embriagado." Mucho embriagado. <br> <br> T+3:50 I am flying and the roofers are at lunch. So far I haven't had to deal with them directly, and that is good since I am too distracted to converse normally. I add a few tokes of cannabis which surprisingly reinstates my ability to write and type. <br> <br> I'm aware of always moving forward in time with an increasingly knowledgeable version of myself. My past informs but doesn't control my present and future. Ghost voices of possibilities past need to be celebrated for the knowledge they left me; it is a different type of mourning, more a celebration that we are all connected. As if on cue a friend texts in to commiserate with (well, laugh at, actually) my predicament. <br> <br> Somehow I'm able to make a peanut butter sandwich and drink more water, both of which seem to give the trip even more energy. <br> <br> T+4:30 All is well and still tripping very hard! Tumbling butterflies in the garden become a water spray tumbling over rocks and flowing across my yard, this is delightful! Observing my rescued desert tortoise as he starts his day, he is acting very much like a slow motion puppy when he responds to my speaking to him in my "dog voice." I feel a deeper connection with his being than usual. <br> <br> T+5:10 The roofers are back, and yet, if I allow my minds eye to relax, just a bit, this multi-fractaled morphing pictograph opens, often replacing everything in front of my open eye, quite impressive! Each clump of grass looks like a carved Chinese dragon. <br> <br> T+5:40 Having just consumed a couple more hits of cannabis and sitting on the back porch, I notice the long tracers from a passing butterfly indicating that, while I'm past the peak, there are still to be many more hours of tripping. The visuals remind me a bit of both DMT and mescaline. They are ever-morphing in both image and concept, and they persist! Looking across the back yard and relaxing I see very complex imagery appearing like a multilayered cloud front blowing toward me, seeming to occupy all the space between the ground and 5 feet up. This cloud is filled with a dense collection of cartoonish, neon, animated images of everything: faces, ideas, connections, concepts, colors, shapes, geometry, history, relationships, atoms, and everything else, all constantly evolving and interacting with one another. Above these clouds is a layer of translucent prismatic structures that don't seem to change as often, other than rotating through the colors, they just hover above the clouds as if to highlight them. Occasionally the highlights from these structures form larger images in conjunction with other structures farther away to make complex images, such as faces, on yet another layer. Penetrating the multiple layers are long green neurons connecting some of the images and showing their interrelatedness. The visions become all encompassing and my open eyed vision is completely obscured by them. This lasts for as long as I can manage to maintain a particular relaxation, much like seeing a "magic eye" picture, which is usually only a few minutes before some interruption brings me out of it. It comes on in waves every few minutes, so I wait for the next one and hop on. <br> <br> During this period while seeing the long green neuronal structures I experienced a softening of my feelings toward my difficult, deceased mother as I saw how her circumstances influenced what she became. Post trip I'm unable to recall as much of this experience as I'd hoped, but it likely set a stage for future psychedelic healing and release of this mind shackle. <br> <br> T+6:30 I make the observation that when my back yard turns into a great, green jeweled Chinese dragon and flies, there should not be roofing activities occurring. Accept. Accept. <br> <br> T+7:30 The roofers are finally gone <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">T+7:30 The roofers are finally gone</div></div> and I'm eating some supper while everything is still shifting about. Playing guitar is quite satisfying and I do it until I realize daylight is running out and I need a forest bath, so I head out on a walk to a nearby woodsy trail. The woods is a perfect place to be and I wander around for some time just absorbing it and thinking. <br> <br> T+10:50 Back from a long walk in the woods, somehow getting out before darkness, relaxing in the shower afterward, and now eating while listening to Jean Jarre (yes, I'm old school) and still feeling a bit of the acid in me. This has been a really nice day in spite of the interruptions. Much of the trip was introspective and healing in nature. A rethinking of thoughts. A way to reduce my internal hates and resentments (i.e. make a little peace with my difficult mother thoughts). There was a feeling of connection to existence similar to, though weaker and not as driven, what I feel with mescaline. <br> <br> T+12:00, off to bed, feeling relaxed and peaceful. <br> <br> The next day I wake up feeling very hungover, tired, and headachy. This mostly cleared up by the afternoon and I carried on with my day as normal. The field notes taken during this trip were augmented over the next few days as I reflected on and wrote about the experience.<!-- End Body --> <br><br style="clear:both;"> <table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata"> <tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2019</td><td width="90">ExpID: 113423</td></tr> <tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Age at time of experience: 53</td><td> </td></tr> <tr><td>Published: Dec 4, 2019</td><td>Views: 2,496</td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=113423&format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=113423&format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ] [ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ] </td></tr> <tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Hangover / Days After (46), Personal Preparation (45), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), General (1), Alone (16)</td></tr> <!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> --> </table> </div>