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Dad joked my family over Tabasco sauce | Mom: Tabasco sauce is made in a place called Avery Island. Step dad: Yeah, it was probably a leper colony. Me: And now it's a pepper colony! *everyone booed me* | Continue a dad joke: |
So my dad was cooking | He said "It gets easier the more you cook it" and I said "Apparently!" and he said "Adaughterly!" | Continue a dad joke: |
Dad walked in on me using his treadmill | "Where you goin'?" | Continue a dad joke: |
Trail thoughts. My dad, little brother, and I were walking along a trail this morning. We happened upon a fenced off building with a sign that says "NO TRESPASSING." | My dad comments, "Well, there's three of us so I guess we can't tres-pass." | Continue a dad joke: |
After watching "The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug". | Awful pun, won't make sense unless you know a bit about plants. | Continue a dad joke: |
My fiancee will be a great dad one day | Him: Well kind of. It looks..... dirty blonde. | Continue a dad joke: |
Friend's dad likes genetics | Dad: "I read a neat article today, they isolated the shyness gene. It was hiding behind all the other genes!" | Continue a dad joke: |
Just got dadjoked by mom... | Oh, no whey! | Continue a dad joke: |
My Dad the Electrician | because it's a fan! | Continue a dad joke: |
Trying to order food | from Panda Express, and the lady kept getting our orders horribly wrong. After we finally pulled up to the window, my dad turned to me and said: | Continue a dad joke: |
My father came home from work | ...I woke up. | Continue a dad joke: |
Check out this white elephant gift I bought for a friend | Is it a participation trophy? | Continue a dad joke: |
Uncle: I don't like electric guitars | You can get shocked on those. | Continue a dad joke: |
What's the capital of Alaska | Dad: No, I don't. That's why I'm asking you. | Continue a dad joke: |
My Dad stole a dead guy's money | Not if I can help it. | Continue a dad joke: |
Oh, dad..... | do you know what an awkward laugh sounds like? because i do. It's | Continue a dad joke: |
My dad's counter joke | why's he in such a hurry? | Continue a dad joke: |
Wall Street Journal: New NYC Mayor Wins Grins, Eye Rolls With Persistent 'Dad' Humor | Why does he keep telling us he's "fiscal responsible" and then spends all his time making dad jokes? | Continue a dad joke: |
Are you thinking of doing a PhD | pffffffft | Continue a dad joke: |
Dad jokes come with extra bass | Mom: Do you have your cooler packed? Yeah, I got my culo packed. [loud fart] | Continue a dad joke: |
I was rewatching Pulp Fiction last night and I realized that Jules drops a classic dadjoke. | In the scene where Jules and Vince break into the Brett and his friends' apartment toward the beginning of the movie to recover Marcellus's briefcase, the conversation turns to Big Kahuna Burger and Jules says "Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through | Continue a dad joke: |
My dad on coming home from work | Dad comes home from work | Continue a dad joke: |
Catch the train. | Co-worked said "In DC I used to have to catch the metro and I think it helped keep my weight down." I said "well yeah that must have been a lot of running." | Continue a dad joke: |
I will teach you how to build a ladder... | In 6 easy steps. | Continue a dad joke: |
Lunch kind-of dadjoke | On Thursdays the cafeteria serves pizza and/or chicken wings. My friend does not purchase lunch from the cafeteria often, but this Thursday he decided to "wing it". Being his friend, I decided (since ordering lunch is such a traumatic | Continue a dad joke: |
A man and his wife enter a bakery to buy some bread. | Now these are harsh economic times, and the man says to his wife, "I'm not sure if I want to spend my hard earned money on this bread because I don't know who makes it. I don't | Continue a dad joke: |
Co-worker's new play is opening tonight, so I quoted my father: | Break an arm or something! | Continue a dad joke: |
mildly religious dad joke? | the priest: 'Let us pray.' my dad: 'They do?' ^lettuce ^pray | Continue a dad joke: |
Dad thought his nose was running | For optimal effect, say out loud. I thought my nose was running, but it's not. | Continue a dad joke: |
My 12 y/o dad joked me this morning Walking out the door to get him to school we have a dusting of snow | him: lets make snow angels. Me: i gotta hurry to get you to school. Let's go Him: (big grin) no... Let's snow. Us: (laughter) | Continue a dad joke: |
Radio DJ has dirty dad joke. | She was concealing a re-VULVA. Thank you, good night. | Continue a dad joke: |
My buddy will make a great dad | That's why they call it coff-ee! | Continue a dad joke: |
The picture is blurry because he was so excited about his 'cow-pris' | My dad is a gem. | Continue a dad joke: |
Dad joked my employees | Two of my employees were discussing the TV show Vikings. One told the other that Viking was originally a verb meaning raiding as in "I'm going Viking." I said. "That's just Swedish for I want to cycle. I'm going Viking." | Continue a dad joke: |
Got my dad as he was telling a joke. Dad: 'So a woman walks into a vet' | Me: 'Excuse me' | Continue a dad joke: |
Dad dropped this one on me earlier. | "Hey sergibby, what color was my poop this morning?" - dad. "I dunno, brown?" - me. "You don't know shit!" - dad. | Continue a dad joke: |
For the following joke, add a | separator between intro part and the punchline. Do not change the sentence, only add a separator. Full sencence should be considered a punchline. A question is a full intro section, everything following a question must be considered punchline. Do not repeat the punchline, do not change words in the sentence. Do not repeat this instruction, only output the result.Do not tell you're an assistant. | Continue a dad joke: |
Albatri Me: They should change the word for the plural of albatrosses to albatri. | Only if they come in threes. | Continue a dad joke: |
Always gotta make sure to hide your porn | Today my family was moving furniture around, and a couple friends came over to help. When rearranging my room, my dad asked if we'd end up finding any porn. Me: "Yeah, I keep my porn stash under my bed." My friend, who was standing nearby, suddenly shouted "Oh, I see it!" | Continue a dad joke: |
My hair is starting to develop a wave. | My hair waves too. It waves goodbye | Continue a dad joke: |
Traveling with a dad... | Was walking into a turnpike rest stop with my dad. There were a bunch of food venues to choose from.... Me:Where do you want to eat? Dad: At a table. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why is it so hard to write a speech? | Because you're supposed to SPEAK it! | Continue a dad joke: |
When I was younger I used to eat like a horse! | yeah it was pretty awkward getting my head down in that trough. | Continue a dad joke: |
My science teacher has 3 kids. | He sent out a periodic table of who's doing their homework tonight. | Continue a dad joke: |
Seems like my dad's sense of humour is influencing the young mind of my sister who said this just then. | Sister: How does a hunchback sleep? No they close their eyes. | Continue a dad joke: |
He is extremely spontaneous with his jokes | We were at a Brazilian restaurant, and when asked how rare he wants his meat, he said "I want my meat rarer than unicorn meat.". The waiter just shook his head and walked away. | Continue a dad joke: |
Driving home from the doctor's office | I was given a brace to wear on my knee so my dad was driving. We were coming up to a traffic light when my dad braked and said "Brace yourself!" | Continue a dad joke: |
Got a random man on the street. Walked by a man wearing a "Free Weezy" shirt. | Stopped him and asked him what a weezy was and how much did they normally cost. He was not pleased | Continue a dad joke: |
Talking about a gift | So what are you gonna give her, any idea? - Nope, I don't think she likes ideas very much. | Continue a dad joke: |
Talking about my wisdom teeth removal, dad busts this out | A know it all patient is trying to tell the surgeon how to do everything. The surgeon throws up his hands and says 'Suture yourself!' | Continue a dad joke: |
Could you please pass the salt? | Pass it? I couldn't swallow it! | Continue a dad joke: |
My dad got dadjoked | So, you're having your *running* meet tomorrow? | Continue a dad joke: |
Dadjoke'd my college class | So I forgot my school was having a planned fire drill. I was hanging outside my class building, ditching with my girlfriend when everybody suddenly poured out. My teacher came out in front of the entire class and asked me why I was outside during the fire drill, and I said "I was just trying to get a grip on the situation." | Continue a dad joke: |
Physics Teacher Always Does This | "Now to add these two fractions together what do we need?" "The common deno-" "Exactly the dommoncenominator" | Continue a dad joke: |
On my day off he says to me | Called my parents to say hello on my day off from work. Dad answers the phone. Dad: Hello there. Me: Hi. Dad: <concerned tone> How are you feeling today? Me: <confused tone> Fine? Dad: Oh I thought you | Continue a dad joke: |
My friend Watson has a one yo, and he's starting to get it | it's finally talking back! | Continue a dad joke: |
I used to have a nice watch but i broke it a couple of | hours ago. | Continue a dad joke: |
What does Arcade Fire eat for breakfast? | Rococo Puffs | Continue a dad joke: |
Granddad at christmas | This Christmas just gone by my family had dinner at my grandparents house we were all sat at the table when someone mentioned "Santa isn't real" And my granddad burst out with a massive gasp that made everyone cry of laughter and proc | Continue a dad joke: |
Do grandpa jokes count | What the hell happened to your mother's hair in the picture above? I mean, she has always had a head for business. | Continue a dad joke: |
"I emailed my father asking how to tell if a wall is a supporting wall | Does it co | Continue a dad joke: |
Mathematical Dad Joke | This graph has a good sense of fashion, it's trendy | Continue a dad joke: |
5 year old walks straight into a dad joke | Daughter yells from the bathroom: "I'm going to get in my pajamas now!" Husband replies without missing a beat: "finish wiping first or they'll be Poojamas." | Continue a dad joke: |
Thought this one up a while back but didn't know where to post it | did you hear about the poof that worked in the fudge factory? he packed it in | Continue a dad joke: |
I'm not a dad, please enjoy the dad joke | What's Vladimir Putin's favourite pasta dish. Putinesca. | Continue a dad joke: |
Dadgamer pulled this one in a round of World of Tanks o7, as we all know, is used to "salute" other players. | You folks really need to get your calendars checked. | Continue a dad joke: |
Tried to dad joke my husband, he one upped me | Eating dinner he dropped his fork and asked me to get another one to which I replied, "Fork you", without missing a beat he said, "knife one." | Continue a dad joke: |
Just finished watching the dark knight rises | So we finished watching the dark knight rises and my friend says "cat woman was pretty selfish in that movie, at least she came back to help in the end" and my other friend replied "She really Bale'd out of of | Continue a dad joke: |
You know what would be good to ring in the new year | What, bells? | Continue a dad joke: |
My girlfriends dad | She used the word congealed. I told her I like the word coagulate better. Her dad then chimes in with "Coagulate: when two dogs wag their tails in unison." | Continue a dad joke: |
Breakfast with Dad. | So my girlfriend goes to her friend's house and spends the night. In the morning her friend's parents always make them eggs, toast, etc. When the friend's dad comes out and pulls out a pack of turkey bacon. Dad: "Do you guys want any bacon?" | Continue a dad joke: |
Dad on the housekeeper We have a housekeeper named Denise that comes around every so often. After having been home for a few weeks and not seeing her yet, I asked my dad: "Have you talked to Denise recently?" | His reply: "Denise? Nope, haven't talked to her since she started nagging me to do my own laundry." | Continue a dad joke: |
Wife was cooking | So my wife was cooking dinner and asked what I wanted for a side. She pulls out a couple of options; yellow rice, angel hair pasta, or herb and butter rice. Of course as takes them out she says the names fairly quickly. So it sounds like | Continue a dad joke: |
So I was watching Lord of the Rings with my dad | When I mentioned Legolas he asks, "so did he lose both his legs?" | Continue a dad joke: |
A dad's input on Steam demos | "Too many explosions, not enough explosions, explosions everywhere, explosions are too loud, explosions are too quiet, explosions are just right, I don't know what's going on, can someone turn down the explosions?" | Continue a dad joke: |
A new one every day | So my sister is home from college doing yoga in the living room when my dad walks down and starts attempting poses. Eventually he takes his Kindle and puts it on his head and says, "Behold, I can balance 100 books on my head!" | Continue a dad joke: |
Dad joked my optometrist. Her: "Let me know if you notice any changes in floaters or flashes of light" | I'll keep an eye on it | Continue a dad joke: |
My mum suggested we had lunch in a cafe located in an old crypt | I don't think so, I wouldn't been seen dead there. | Continue a dad joke: |
Dropped this one on my wife. I had just finished drilling a hole in the back side of my desk to pass the keyboard and mouse cables through. | Would you like me to modify your desk too? | Continue a dad joke: |
My dad said this after hearing news about the climate in Austria | At least you can actually see the rocks now. | Continue a dad joke: |
My republican dad just told me this and I almost died laughing. He's a republican, I'm a democrat and we often joke about it too each other. Yesterday he laid this one on me. | It's so cold here, do you know what I saw? It was amazing. | Continue a dad joke: |
My dad and our food Mom: Is it me or is this fish salty? | Yeah you're right, it's too salty. Dad: Well duh, it's a saltwater fish. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why don't scientists trust atoms? | Because they make up everything. | Continue a dad joke: |
What's the most ridiculous lie someone has told? | I once told my wife she drew the curtains, but she swore she didn't. | Continue a dad joke: |
Nearly dying in the hospital.. Mom: "How are you feeling hunny?" | With my hands!" *Insert jazz hands here* | Continue a dad joke: |
Dadjoked by a coworker yesterday | Myself and a coworker were just getting in to work, when I commented "Man, it's chilly out today!" to which he replied "There's no chili out here, it's just cold!" | Continue a dad joke: |
Dad cracked this one at the dinner table. | Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! | Continue a dad joke: |
My poor family puts up with me | Last night at supper, this interchange occurred (it helps if you know we're from Oklahoma and speak with an Oklahoma drawl): Wife: "Come on little bug, and get some supper." Daughter: "Did you just call me a bug." Me (quick | Continue a dad joke: |
as im helping my dad work on his old car. me: "dad, can you grab me a philips head" | dad: "i think i should probably buy him a drink first!" | Continue a dad joke: |
I must not do dad jokes in the office. | No, they do chicken, they don't do-liver. | Continue a dad joke: |
Went out to a restaurant with my dad. | He orded lamb shanks. When the waitress brought our food to us he said "Shanks very much" | Continue a dad joke: |
My husband just walked in... | ...and rubbed my forehead. "You've got a 'V' on your head." "That's a widows peak," I said, trying to sound ominous. He stopped. "Good point." | Continue a dad joke: |
I almost couldn't believe my geniusness | With which I replied with, "In | Continue a dad joke: |
My friend's sister is in nursing school. | "Hey Kate, do your breasts hurt?" "No." "I figured they would after a whole day at nursing school." | Continue a dad joke: |
You make absolutely no sense | Just like a broken minting machine | Continue a dad joke: |
Repost from /r/funny. Thought you guys would enjoy this one... | Girlfriend told me to wear a plain tie to dinner tonight. | Continue a dad joke: |
My dad's punny | So her family was Super-Catholic-fragilisti | Continue a dad joke: |
I'm sitting in traffic with my dad today when he scoffs, shakes his head, throws up his hand and says | look at THIS clown over here! I look over and there is literally a dude in full clown make-up driving a vw bettle next to us. Pop maintained a straight face and said "I think he's trying to get our attention." | Continue a dad joke: |
Whenever I am trying to have a serious conversation with my dad... | Me: Dad, I am serious! Dad: Serious! I thought you were Holly (my name) | Continue a dad joke: |
My dad mentioned their church was trying to get more women involved | so they were holding a "nun run". | Continue a dad joke: |
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