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|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
en | How do Frenchmen share files? Pierre to Pierre. | 5 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 5 |
en | After Luke Skywalker found out Princess Leia was his sister. He became best friends with hand solo | 4.6 | 5 | 4 | 5 | 5 | 4 |
en | Why do petri dishes make good conversationalists? They're cultured. | 4.6 | 5 | 5 | 3 | 5 | 5 |
en | I call my girlfriend Dumbledore. She's a head master | 4.6 | 5 | 5 | 4 | 5 | 4 |
en | What do you call a Corvette following a Camaro at high speeds? Chevy Chase. | 4.4 | 5 | 4 | 5 | 4 | 4 |
en | It was a sad day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe. Not even remotely | 4.2 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 5 | 5 |
en | My favorite workout is a mix between a lunge and a crunch, I call it lunch. | 4.2 | 4 | 4 | 5 | 3 | 5 |
en | i've been on so many blind dates, i should get a free dog . | 4.2 | 5 | 4 | 2 | 5 | 5 |
en | I just got a job helping a one arm typist do capital letters. It's shift work | 4.2 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 4 | 5 |
en | What do you call a priest that's also a lawyer? A father in law | 4.2 | 5 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 4 |
en | love it how music can take you to another place. for example , one direction is playing in this restaurant so i'm going to a different one | 4 | 5 | 2 | 5 | 4 | 4 |
en | There was a massive explosion at a French cheese factory this morning. All that remains is de brie | 4 | 5 | 4 | 5 | 3 | 3 |
en | My last girlfriend left me for being unnecessarily mysterious. or did she | 4 | 5 | 5 | 3 | 3 | 4 |
en | what is similar between Pink Floyd and Princess Diana Their greatest hits were the wall | 4 | 4 | 5 | 1 | 5 | 5 |
en | What was eating away at the computer's RAM storage? I don't know, but it was going at it one byte at a time. | 4 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 5 | 4 |
en | Abortion isnt murder It's just canceling a preorder | 4 | 5 | 5 | 5 | 2 | 3 |
en | i just got hired as a garbage truck driver. there was no training , but i think i'll pick it up as i go along | 4 | 4 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 4 |
en | what did one window say to the other window? i'm in pane | 4 | 4 | 5 | 5 | 2 | 4 |
en | Why did Shrodinger's girlfriend dump him? Because she didn't like his lack of commitment | 4 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 4 | 4 |
en | my therapist claims i'm a narcissist , but what does he know? clearly not as much as me . | 4 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 4 | 4 |
en | Ruth and Johnny, side by side, went out for an auto ride. They hit a bump, Ruth hit a tree, Johnny kept going Ruthlessly | 3.8 | 3 | 5 | 1 | 5 | 5 |
en | what's the difference between a hipster and a lumberjack? the lumberjack has a job . | 3.8 | 5 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 3 |
en | What do you call a snake that has been knighted? Sir Pent... | 3.8 | 5 | 1 | 4 | 5 | 4 |
en | what's the best thing from new york city? the train to boston | 3.8 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 4 | 5 |
en | I've just been to a concert starring the Bermuda philharmonic orchestra. Half way through, the guy on the triangle disappeared | 3.8 | 5 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 2 |
en | how do buddhist monks send emails? they remove all attachments . | 3.8 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
en | you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? he stayed up all night wondering whether or not there was a dog . | 3.8 | 5 | 5 | 2 | 5 | 2 |
en | Has anyone told you how beautiful you are today? "No." Better luck tomorrow. | 3.8 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 4 |
en | A flyer says to another flyer: "Yo, wanna hang out tonight? " The other one replies: "Brochure!" | 3.8 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 5 |
en | What's the difference between an American and a moldy piece of bread? The bread has more culture. | 3.8 | 2 | 5 | 5 | 2 | 5 |
en | Relationship or hallucination. Either way, I'm seeing someone | 3.8 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 4 | 3 |
en | what do jehovah's witnesses believe in? that i will open the door | 3.8 | 3 | 2 | 4 | 5 | 5 |
en | what's the most common career choice among spiders? web development | 3.8 | 4 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 5 |
en | What do you call with a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky | 3.8 | 5 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 5 |
en | What do humans and desserts have in common? No one likes the very rich ones. | 3.8 | 4 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 5 |
en | It might take a village to raise a child. but it only takes a viking to raze a village | 3.6 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 4 |
en | If a band plays music in a thunderstorm who is most likely to get hit by lightning? The conductor. | 3.6 | 4 | 5 | 2 | 4 | 3 |
en | what kind of bird does not make babies? a swallow | 3.6 | 5 | 4 | 5 | 1 | 3 |
en | why should you never play poker with a crocodile? you will lose every hand . | 3.6 | 4 | 5 | 3 | 4 | 2 |
en | guys, check out this cool trick i learned . take your upper lip and make it touch your lower lip . now keep them like that . | 3.6 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 5 | 1 |
en | What did the receptionist at the Sperm Bank say as the patients were leaving? Thanks for coming. | 3.6 | 5 | 1 | 4 | 4 | 4 |
en | Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space. | 3.6 | 2 | 5 | 5 | 2 | 4 |
en | I got a puppy for my daughter. Good swap if you ask me | 3.6 | 4 | 1 | 4 | 4 | 5 |
en | what's the best part of a pregnancy joke? the delivery . | 3.6 | 3 | 3 | 5 | 4 | 3 |
en | what the difference between australia and a glass of milk? leave the glass of milk alone long enough and it'll develop a culture . | 3.6 | 5 | 3 | 4 | 2 | 4 |
en | My friend was talking about how he sleeps when its dark around. So I'd advised him not to join the basketball team | 3.6 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 4 | 5 |
en | What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn't around? Holmeless | 3.6 | 2 | 5 | 3 | 4 | 4 |
en | Baby, I hope you are an ISO file cuz I wanna mount you. | 3.6 | 5 | 4 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
en | What classic game do Hawaiian kids like the most? The floor is lava. | 3.6 | 4 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 2 |
en | Why did the French chef quit working at the haunted restaurant? He got creped out. | 3.6 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 5 |
en | Not all that glitters is gold. Take, for instance, glitter | 3.6 | 4 | 4 | 2 | 5 | 3 |
en | If video games make children more violent... why do they keep losing fistfights against me? | 3.6 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 5 | 1 |
en | teacher : where is your homework? pupil : i lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school | 3.6 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 5 | 2 |
en | What do you call the smallest Superman in the world? .. Quark Kent. | 3.6 | 4 | 5 | 3 | 2 | 4 |
en | waiter : these are the best eggs we've had for years. diner : well bring me some you haven't had around for that long | 3.6 | 2 | 2 | 5 | 5 | 4 |
en | how bad is the economy? twenty years ago we had johnny cash , bob hope and steve jobs . today we have no cash , no hope and no jobs . | 3.6 | 3 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 4 |
en | i still use the word " dude " . i don't give a dude . i don't use it right, but i still dude it . | 3.6 | 4 | 4 | 1 | 4 | 5 |
en | Did you hear about the couple who got married in a gymnasium? It didn't work out. | 3.6 | 4 | 4 | 5 | 3 | 2 |
en | Did you hear the amusement park was offering free bungee jumping? No strings attached! | 3.6 | 4 | 2 | 4 | 4 | 4 |
en | did you hear about the constipated composer? he couldn't finish the last movement . | 3.6 | 5 | 2 | 4 | 5 | 2 |
en | a soldier is at the bar when his buddy walks in . the buddy , surprised to see him , asks threedots buddy : hey how did you escape iraq? soldier : iran . | 3.6 | 4 | 5 | 5 | 2 | 2 |
en | Christmas with the family While I greatly enjoy the presence of their company, I prefer the company of their presents. | 3.6 | 3 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 4 |
en | There's a new TV show on AMC about people who run away from grains and wheat. I hear they call it The Walking Bread | 3.6 | 5 | 4 | 2 | 4 | 3 |
en | What do you call a marathon runner that refuses to stop? A joggernaut. | 3.6 | 3 | 2 | 4 | 4 | 5 |
en | what does demi lovato and walmart have in common? they are always have lots of coke and are open twenty four hours a day seven days a week. | 3.6 | 4 | 3 | 1 | 5 | 5 |
en | The white bear and the penguin tried to make their relationship work, but they couldn't. They were polar opposites. | 3.4 | 2 | 5 | 5 | 3 | 2 |
en | what did the animal control officer ask the hawaiian dancer? hula the dogs out | 3.4 | 4 | 2 | 4 | 2 | 5 |
en | What does a cyclone, flood, fire and a woman have in common? Sooner or later one of em will get your house.... | 3.4 | 5 | 5 | 1 | 5 | 1 |
en | What vegetables do plumbers hate the most? Leeks | 3.4 | 5 | 2 | 5 | 3 | 2 |
en | What did the court jester call the balding crown prince? The Heir Apparent with no Hair Apparent. | 3.4 | 4 | 4 | 2 | 2 | 5 |
en | Eight bytes walk into a bar... Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Can I get you anything? " "Yeah," reply the bytes. "Make us a double." | 3.4 | 1 | 5 | 3 | 3 | 5 |
en | "He looks just like his grandfather" is a cute thing said about a new baby in most parts of the world. In Alabama,it's more of an accusation | 3.4 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 |
en | JOB INTERVIEWER: so, what was your last job? DR. FRANKENSTEIN: bodybuilding | 3.4 | 5 | 5 | 1 | 2 | 4 |
en | A hurricane is going to hit the east coast? Are you Joaquin | 3.4 | 2 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 3 |
en | What do you call a company run entirely by ghosts? An incorporation. | 3.4 | 3 | 3 | 5 | 2 | 4 |
en | Loads of people are lining up to buy my vampire teeth. Fang queue | 3.4 | 5 | 1 | 3 | 4 | 4 |
en | What do you call a loaf of grumpy bread? Sourdough! | 3.4 | 4 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 3 |
en | what's in the middle of girls ' legs? their knee . | 3.4 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 3 |
en | The failure of my business confounds me. It just doesn't make cents | 3.4 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 2 |
en | "Always give your food a rinse before you eat it, " my dad always used to say. Lovely man. Made terrible sandwiches. | 3.4 | 2 | 5 | 3 | 3 | 4 |
en | What's common between "I love you" and "Made in China" ? They both come with no warranty. | 3.4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 1 |
en | Speech is like girls skirt. If it is too long, people don't take interest in it, if it's short, it will fail to cover the subject. | 3.4 | 2 | 4 | 4 | 5 | 2 |
en | What does a woman do outside the kitchen? Tourism | 3.4 | 4 | 4 | 4 | 2 | 3 |
en | i took my girlfriend to tour nasa this weekend! she said she needed some space . | 3.4 | 5 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 4 |
en | Did John Knott mind being the only cited author on his group's research paper? Knott, et al. | 3.4 | 4 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 3 |
en | How to attract R Kelly with a guitar ? B Minor | 3.4 | 5 | 4 | 2 | 5 | 1 |
en | Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette? He didn't have enough money tabaccer! | 3.4 | 5 | 4 | 4 | 1 | 3 |
en | I heard about a woman who doesn't use her feet. I really want to meter | 3.4 | 1 | 5 | 1 | 5 | 5 |
en | I was gonna go on a double date the other day. But in the end I couldn't find three other people to go with me | 3.4 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 4 | 2 |
en | People who live in Flint should drink gasoline. It's cheaper than the water and guaranteed unleaded | 3.4 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 4 |
en | our team is doing so badly that " manager of the month " isn't an award. it's an appointment ! | 3.4 | 4 | 5 | 4 | 2 | 2 |
en | my mom says i look just like my father. it's weird that she thinks that , because everyone else says i look like steve the mailman | 3.4 | 3 | 5 | 4 | 2 | 3 |
en | how do you tell the difference between an x and y chromosome? you pull down its genes . | 3.4 | 2 | 5 | 1 | 5 | 4 |
en | i wanted to be a gynecologist, but i couldn't find an opening . | 3.4 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 5 | 3 |
en | The word 'nothing' is a palindrome. 'Nothing' reversed is 'Gnihton' which also means nothing | 3.4 | 3 | 2 | 4 | 5 | 3 |
en | i never ask my kids to call me, i just change the netflix password and then don't respond to their texts . | 3.4 | 1 | 3 | 5 | 5 | 3 |
en | How do locomotives know where they're going? Lots of training. | 3.4 | 3 | 1 | 5 | 5 | 3 |
en | I turned in my letter of resignation to my smug supervisor at the refrigeration plant. He accepted it with his usual air of condensation | 3.4 | 4 | 2 | 4 | 5 | 2 |
en | mirrors don't lie. lucky for you , they can't laugh either | 3.4 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 2 |
en | i think i have procrastination disease. i'll go to the doctor later | 3.4 | 4 | 5 | 3 | 4 | 1 |
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