Hieuman/blog_authorship-doc · Datasets at Hugging Face

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blog_authorship_980975	my room STINKS of icky rat i am full of mac n' cheese today was good i almost ate a moldy rice chex that doesn't work, damn jamba juice is so good good good today i babysat a sick kid i felt so bad, she was so sick and felt so bad .i wish i could help you. i had a super glock today thats right who spiked the punch? you spiked the punch hiccup so which bitch do you want to get wither first? lets make a list.	316,929	[ 316852, 316905, 316903 ]	157	[ 294259, 141131, 259392, 58064, 157259, 242403, 260965, 315478, 14204, 172731, 124788, 56158, 138856, 85343, 273027, 257611, 173827, 206254, 34907, 47422, 180497, 51757, 42652, 285872, 115182, 222576, 158464, 187715, 76830, 267598, 108359, 89147, 224859, 295297, 263815, 183559, 191678, 148999, 183628, 4701, 316821, 24726, 305173, 170823, 192572, 60936, 221670, 261003, 51737, 158798, 42647, 84547, 190578, 172730, 162648, 160113, 191238, 299322, 18166, 42646, 312273, 109901, 156260, 161615, 14175, 155480, 146447, 161590, 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blog_authorship_980975	This is for you, if you ever choose to read it. Something happened. I am not exactly sure what. But I do know that I never see you anymore. Ever. I miss you dearly. You were one of my best friends. You ment more to me than I think you realize. I always feel like you hate me. You think I am this annoying thing that won't get out of your life. I am sorry if you think that, and I don't try to make you feel that way, if that is how you feel. I know you wonder why I don't make the effort to be your friend, if I do indeed miss you so much. The truth is, I did, I tried and I never felt you tried. I seemed to always call you and always ask you to hang out. Maybe I am wrong. But that is just how it seemed. After a while, I gave up. The worst part is when people come to me and say 'i thought you guys were best friends, what happened?' I don't know what to say, I avoid it if possible. I don't know what happened, but I am sorry it did. I don't know what I want from you. Maybe nothing. Maybe an explanation. I am just tired of acting like nothing ever happened. Like we were never friends.	316,930	[ 316916, 316852 ]	135	[ 30823, 97368, 198540, 243474, 271583, 147193, 198332, 268628, 201698, 243914, 117037, 176760, 198551, 139954, 273950, 306761, 294584, 310113, 185318, 238256, 145236, 250781, 268810, 260180, 308496, 275030, 308463, 299474, 160212, 296864, 170373, 139963, 266915, 222538, 4405, 7598, 33853, 308421, 222468, 314966, 295054, 120668, 180891, 161470, 245448, 302131, 175565, 195861, 271049, 230303, 228633, 109783, 7575, 275977, 195856, 293790, 176503, 156521, 96656, 260415, 250132, 245378, 179807, 133115, 251808, 109646, 44132, 108201, 100389, 295748, 259841, 18500, 277960, 140679, 251004, 259814, 239838, 314949, 268601, 7599, 282405, 182239, 198532, 84025, 101326, 280697, 203806, 222814, 248911, 224759, 173688, 236839, 278366, 193503, 261499, 304885, 201969, 250848, 198534, 290952, 102676, 205645, 62160, 304081, 270072, 185497, 302056, 178732, 218548, 246532, 204015, 315116, 246082, 259381, 208214, 150386, 259273, 208153, 147341, 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blog_authorship_980975	so this weekend was.... so good just what I needed thursday I hung about my home, all alone, blasting music and feeling pathetic, in a good way though. then on friday I cleaned of course and then I ate of course then I went to <PERSON> home home home we then watched Bend it like Beckham so hot, want to touch the hieny? we ski-daddled to <PERSON>'s humble abode i had the time of my life i can't tell you why nothing especially great happened all I know is I haven't been that happy in a long time despite me being a cockblock so sorry <PERSON>, but I have my duties <PERSON> gave a piggyback ride home you are so cool <PERSON> i sprayed spray paint, shhhhhhhhhhPH the band played outkast hey ya i sang along the singer danced like a crazy man it was beautiful awoke the next morning got <PERSON> played soccer won 2-0 <PERSON> and <PERSON> came over we wandered around we watched a movie i fell asleep so cold so tired so alone yet somehow happy in every way awoke sunday got coffee walked home ate meals came over we watched Sleeping Beauty it was flashback we were skeptical of the movie cause we are so old and wise juuuuuuuuuuust kidding 'the thought of them makes me chuckle' 'shut up, you make me chuckle' eves dropping should be a sport. I would win.	316,931	[ 316916, 316852, 316903 ]	91	[ 231973, 312741, 252827, 13092, 190317, 231981, 298228, 218290, 29314, 234777, 275563, 218177, 234458, 932, 177519, 149006, 237734, 87214, 228804, 312700, 231969, 218304, 145911, 278913, 182433, 218283, 182439, 276145, 253757, 175623, 287306, 276840, 218305, 207490, 234816, 264976, 312759, 206396, 198432, 218284, 169206, 29224, 218301, 243051, 209384, 231935, 234448, 182435, 237752, 275059, 182457, 259425, 218335, 237224, 275495, 83120, 204032, 194667, 263308, 196872, 6852, 237729, 276845, 218303, 178883, 198314, 237738, 274948, 198319, 162466, 206401, 182443, 171762, 218298, 287377, 249533, 158251, 312825, 189695, 209383, 182772, 299975, 145904, 272116, 218297, 209839, 214207, 147603, 206397, 210391, 208895, 161107, 296729, 237159, 154856, 152563, 234793, 275562, 305135, 287299, 108561, 234435, 270048, 183679, 201440, 152469, 139485, 204012, 258328, 294942, 301527, 29204, 296731, 41375, 286406, 188675, 248682, 198324, 249059, 217880, 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blog_authorship_980975	you have no idea what it is like it is this horrible sensation always looming there no one knows well, only a select few anyway and what they know is more serious than they think you are never going to get it but maybe i am wrong maybe you will one day but by then it will be too late i will be dead or very much alive not by any help from you so instead of saying thanks i say no thanks because what you think is helping is really hurting and i hate you every last one of you but you are never going to get it no you aren't	316,932	[ 316858, 316853, 316894, 316869, 316848, 316888, 316870, 316891, 316892, 316885, 316873, 316877, 316916, 316863, 316865, 316872, 316883, 316904, 316852, 316851, 316864, 316867, 316874, 316920, 316915, 316887, 316905, 316859, 316923, 316898, 316897, 316857, 316902, 316890, 316909, 316938, 316914, 316882, 316895, 316912, 316924, 316900 ]	250	[ 268773, 174155, 275493, 267587, 300885, 262636, 205, 246083, 248191, 167906, 156035, 272378, 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blog_authorship_980975	<PERSON>: want to run away to san francisco with me? <PERSON>: we can live with the buffalo <PERSON>: there are buffalo in san francisco? <PERSON>: oh yeah <PERSON>: right in the middle <PERSON>: are you sure you dont mean gays? <PERSON>: positive <PERSON>: thats crazy <PERSON>: i have pictures <PERSON>: now these i'd like to see <PERSON>: i ate a buffalo once <PERSON>: i will bring them tomorrow <PERSON>: was it gooood? <PERSON>: yes <PERSON>: and in any case <PERSON>: i'd love to run away to san francisco with you to live with the buffalo goodbye everyone. have a good life. maybe one day. i will see you. i will be wearing a coat. made of buffalo fur. you will be wearing a coat. of cotton. we shall have coffee. never shall we meet again. unless I love you. and I promise. I won't.	316,933	[ 316852, 316903, 316937, 316905 ]	242	[ 309307, 141789, 128925, 102696, 292885, 287213, 2311, 189217, 299384, 309309, 223560, 245265, 315987, 49628, 165123, 128506, 243096, 72850, 78680, 14021, 251067, 296195, 77639, 242576, 305093, 219467, 310350, 106576, 245250, 138429, 141347, 305135, 111795, 294392, 275085, 24201, 102780, 90013, 241739, 181679, 64078, 251078, 223574, 228886, 165812, 203376, 29999, 164698, 128999, 18825, 225805, 206138, 69893, 136804, 278767, 197029, 251053, 173969, 315669, 204044, 76256, 160128, 173953, 14327, 262290, 158938, 310904, 210674, 98423, 242574, 457, 28437, 185048, 76916, 180401, 38833, 176917, 223551, 173862, 160450, 160532, 294855, 219468, 223584, 173964, 223594, 292793, 170047, 281959, 80421, 207226, 158483, 186629, 129034, 173954, 44750, 76889, 1378, 216977, 199310, 76185, 72876, 14038, 146821, 89520, 164677, 9388, 102782, 13988, 297686, 164681, 196883, 139678, 148146, 223589, 58410, 185030, 251054, 176539, 275496, 210935, 189219, 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blog_authorship_980975	farewell so long i was wrong i guess farewell so long i was wrong i confess i miss the way you i miss the way you dance with me so farewell my love i was wrong i guess <PERSON> so long i was wrong i confess i miss the way i miss the way you sing with me i never asked you for a sailboat in the yard that fancy dress to wear or a ceiling made of stars and all i got was just this broken heart from you	316,934	[ 316916, 316887, 316873, 316912, 316900, 316853, 316903, 316869, 316872, 316848, 316904 ]	94	[ 245438, 187518, 251099, 79985, 136191, 316429, 233481, 224788, 108219, 201476, 204802, 163211, 170026, 285123, 194342, 282863, 252941, 149906, 145360, 62213, 205150, 260436, 164613, 229902, 146209, 305119, 135723, 163491, 33954, 186791, 195852, 171210, 136119, 41114, 44708, 292397, 192586, 229901, 310474, 189838, 259841, 34959, 136423, 299099, 232903, 36950, 254754, 187823, 282384, 121894, 187838, 29312, 290187, 268627, 310520, 248406, 167177, 158483, 247775, 142081, 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blog_authorship_980975	today I feel like pleasing you more than before <IP_ADDRESS>what a sunday<IP_ADDRESS> I awoke at the hour of 10 I rested in my bed with my feline companion o how I love him so I read. I ate french toast. I read. I read until my eyes hurt. then I read some more. I ate dinner. I cleaned the bathroom. I read and now I am going to read some more there is just this one small problem the book i am reading is about this girl and she leads this life, a life I want and i keep reading because if I read it I can be it and when i put it down i have to come back into my reality but since i don't put it down it will end sooner then i will have no escape damn reality damn change damn everything woo. i feel good. na na na na na na na. i knew that i would. na na na na na na na. so good. boom boom so good. boom boom i got you....?	316,935	[ 316852, 316916 ]	49	[ 295991, 316505, 191884, 301528, 278782, 10690, 80001, 140930, 218646, 156168, 278785, 132363, 212921, 204048, 256423, 14507, 261868, 311513, 123823, 214419, 316478, 178564, 155096, 265934, 174529, 311681, 112486, 197633, 247036, 112253, 283405, 262905, 251789, 278787, 218668, 112487, 278772, 204049, 23678, 316480, 208099, 44119, 278773, 299482, 112542, 112529, 182062, 74734, 148421, 212811, 265512, 286429, 112483, 311684, 112469, 96605, 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blog_authorship_980975	I do not know what to say. I feel like I have so much to tell, so much to release yet, I am too much of a lazy ass to type it all out. too bad. I decided that I want to remember my life. really honestly remember it so I am going to by a voice recorder I am going to keep a log a log of my life it shall be called <PERSON>'s Life: Told by the person who lived it. I am excited because when I am 30 I can listen to all the tapes and realize how stupid I was how funny how weird how sad how happy how everything hearing things on tape can really bring back memories oh boy, oh boy, oh boy so <PERSON> is really cool, yeah. so <PERSON> is reall cool, yeah. so <PERSON> is really cool, yeah. saturday night was my soccer party. in for a rude awakening not bad though i enjoyed myself getting humped and everything it doesn't get better doggy style with <PERSON>, the lovely dog ...i am sorry your life is so fucked, you are fabulous, know that my dear... I never say quite what I mean I never mean quite what I say I went to goodwill actually i went to nathans i got a bunch of his old clothes I am very excited for my new belongings i am gone. morning has broken <PERSON> has spoken	316,936	[ 316916, 316852 ]	169	[ 186216, 182203, 181861, 148167, 271033, 225221, 286429, 307664, 260180, 286428, 168126, 174976, 128700, 259381, 257614, 307648, 301028, 249734, 286430, 161435, 161542, 185260, 276470, 161467, 304252, 259380, 188964, 153172, 228808, 166722, 161428, 105517, 271595, 199293, 176768, 307534, 212022, 276452, 314750, 314966, 246860, 181862, 316214, 288429, 312812, 276476, 295054, 155681, 128537, 125758, 276475, 276875, 314179, 153779, 314704, 200653, 224845, 225075, 279351, 182169, 70494, 148583, 169149, 238656, 261387, 254971, 258748, 186230, 199720, 135385, 225119, 174145, 142788, 297037, 155634, 314239, 198538, 161572, 258578, 276477, 195283, 73295, 53486, 245208, 276479, 276463, 143339, 257606, 181831, 181809, 260953, 26058, 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blog_authorship_980975	Something has left my life. And I don't know where it went to. Somebody caused me strife. And it's not what I was seeking. Didn't you see me, didn't you hear me? Didn't you see me standing there? Why did you turn out the lights? Did you know that I was sleeping? Say a prayer for me. Help me to feel the strenght, I did. My identity, has it been taken? Is my heart breakin' on me? All my plans fell thought my hands. They fell thought my hands on me. All my dreams it suddenly seems. It suddenly seems. 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blog_authorship_980975	I drove for the first time today yeah in the first 5 minutos a totally WHITE TRASH lady almost ran me over she made my day..... yeah, right. I saw <PERSON>'s new basement-o today i must say it is prettttttty snazzy went to Bremerton it was fabulous shocked? yes, me too. <PERSON> sure knows how to make me laugh like a crazed animal a crazy one too i miss spain. i miss hot spanish men who didn't know what i was shouting at them 'HEY BABY!! I WANT A PIECE OF THAT ASS!!' 'que?' '<PERSON>' 'sdfjha;orfha;ofgij' 'gracias, you too.' hahahahha i want to be under he sea in an octopus' garden in the shade you are quite more dirty than i thought. that's cool? i miss <PERSON> and the talks and walks we had i shall call him this weekend and we shall have a pow-wow i was gone on monday. no one knows why. but me. and him. and her. and him. and that is because i knew that they would not tell i knew they would tell me they loved me i knew that wouldn't understand if they did they would have to have been my reflection. catch you later <PERSON>.	316,938	[ 316852, 316916, 316903 ]	14	[ 188261, 102746, 20944, 49884, 282013, 287295, 247572, 165596, 244516, 190427, 203861, 189004, 264612, 279671, 248962, 145766, 280096, 149652, 186186, 259147, 225065, 16513, 298974, 170046, 199697, 179581, 162446, 198397, 216252, 145840, 238716, 311573, 102652, 305148, 170047, 122009, 160245, 310509, 187221, 203878, 147957, 278532, 230303, 95505, 188313, 129236, 201947, 106492, 231762, 125714, 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blog_authorship_980975	I remember the first time I saw Romeo and Juliet. I thought it was okay. I remember the second time I saw it. I cried so hard my chest hurt. I had a low. One hard to explain. The third time I watched it. I cried long, big sobs. The forth time. I was immune. I just sat there. You should watch it. It is genius. It makes you so angry yet so happy and so in love Oh, <PERSON>. My, <PERSON>. <PERSON> 'why then, is my pump well flowered?' <PERSON>... I must say you really pump my nads.	316,939	[ 316852, 316916 ]	159	[ 295082, 71735, 162147, 257639, 189002, 238585, 265976, 288266, 119339, 249299, 229573, 305098, 183234, 292016, 272364, 260584, 39012, 98084, 167131, 275077, 126169, 195725, 150499, 303962, 246367, 214858, 53333, 215506, 261981, 64541, 279083, 275918, 135460, 162851, 62781, 160985, 175921, 162107, 230002, 71249, 292, 169832, 316285, 268636, 197766, 196622, 164202, 26624, 88145, 187337, 206719, 250740, 207499, 156220, 250494, 40764, 149940, 187257, 203215, 141279, 218799, 266772, 40085, 314518, 88887, 3577, 30174, 138599, 304935, 27097, 167326, 298865, 188690, 64548, 288263, 280467, 310845, 149978, 251625, 277040, 288543, 100967, 271033, 51757, 240388, 126559, 166865, 224947, 236183, 41435, 192374, 209598, 187504, 188065, 280190, 230222, 149184, 220945, 148543, 212215, 247318, 140464, 164212, 1045, 128743, 262713, 236220, 294979, 286198, 61724, 161107, 234007, 126866, 71690, 246539, 305124, 213716, 273344, 273326, 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blog_authorship_980975	today we were looking at the pictures i didn't think they would make me feel all ugly inside all torn apart but sadly they did same for her but not as much as me. she wouldn't know. i remember it so well. all those days. 'having the time of my life' always there that is what you were change happens this I know but my question is this why is change always for the worst and the things we want to change never do they say everyone has changed even myself I do not know if I am better or worse but you certainly are not you the occasional glimpse that is all I get do you remember? perhaps shocked. that is what I was. such a quick transformation so quick that I didn't have time to stop it so quick that I didn't get a chance to breathe so quick I didn't get to tell you every last thing tell you everything I wanted you to remember before you decided to die or maybe I have it all wrong maybe I am the one hiding because I was the one who died but if that is true and I am dead what does that make you? certainly not alive. certainly not.	316,940	[ 316852 ]	61	[ 190584, 155468, 308624, 242913, 211919, 187763, 259730, 315116, 233434, 297010, 163546, 161470, 182951, 277362, 315212, 204121, 194477, 296864, 200056, 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blog_authorship_980975	<PERSON>: i think it would be really cool to watch someone REALLY fat slimdown to like a size 0 <PERSON>: and then <PERSON>: play with the MOUNDS of extra skin they have left <PERSON>: it would be like <PERSON>: an elbow <PERSON>: ALL OVER YOUR BODY <PERSON>: of course, you could hide stuff in there for safe keeping <PERSON>: oh man <PERSON>: that description makes me hot <PERSON>: i can only imagine <PERSON>: 'excuse me, can you hide my plastic flamingo under this here fat roll? smoothie5665: ' smoothie5665: or should I say skin roll <PERSON>: woah <PERSON>: you have to be careful <PERSON>: they might eat it.... <PERSON>: they are ex-fatties <PERSON>: you are right <PERSON>: it could be dangerous giving them a large pink bird <PERSON>: it could be dangerous giving them a handshake smoothie5665: you might come back with a stump <PERSON>: but stumps are hot smoothie5665: only when they have been eatin off though <PERSON>: by an ex-fatty	316,941	[ 316905, 316852, 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blog_authorship_980975	thank you. you gave me a good time. more than was needed. but now. i have a little stash of 'good time' for when I need it most. you made me smile. you gave me a hug. you told me I was weird. so. thank you. <PERSON>, I had a good time with you dear even though we froze are boooot-ays off can you say egg mc muffin? sure you can. for christmas I got a cat.... a little one that is fake and it has an egg and a spider HA annnywho school is tomorrrrow and that bites major anus hole and that is what I have about that pink nails......	316,942	[ 316852 ]	14	[ 312658, 120023, 125781, 135731, 186197, 56343, 213706, 281950, 244080, 268429, 292962, 228659, 272609, 266491, 314982, 290664, 275503, 201939, 160455, 263403, 287286, 251100, 169126, 289943, 80424, 216163, 313746, 304980, 310308, 199811, 157874, 259, 263373, 251497, 159049, 195856, 175991, 178350, 176760, 180988, 163298, 229317, 283316, 278081, 187787, 282405, 148146, 15474, 276880, 53749, 293760, 270401, 218074, 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blog_authorship_980975	we talked of sex for three hours that is a long time talking about fantasies and such i bought a new skirt jacket shoooooooooes oh my goodness, what a happy camper I am with spiffy new shoes i am listening to <PERSON> of goodbye frozen so i kind of think think you are swell but that doesn't really mean much does it? never really does. feel happy feel good just I wish you would	316,943	[ 316916, 316852, 316903, 316937 ]	106	[ 307667, 211424, 183257, 199310, 53371, 261009, 217384, 156632, 312645, 267603, 276473, 267704, 260999, 183238, 201343, 53431, 219047, 252683, 312703, 277277, 201484, 209720, 109584, 312729, 154099, 163327, 273737, 217346, 288528, 208152, 238723, 312767, 262624, 211444, 230254, 194208, 316258, 283378, 316181, 310566, 312660, 88478, 312656, 201500, 242676, 148918, 284040, 235653, 297682, 21158, 157305, 246742, 155818, 163533, 148166, 183589, 176503, 219834, 154772, 276459, 177048, 257614, 192367, 211448, 301535, 175083, 246743, 258225, 152557, 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blog_authorship_980975	<PERSON> asked me. it was random. it is cool. friday was great friday was god awful it began with <PERSON> <PERSON> and me <PERSON> at shaynas we read funny ass stories and I laughed so hard my head hurt and that was perfect then we just HAD to go to a keg in madison park and i was crabby and uninterested because I am not a fan eventually we arrived five minutes later I was on my way home more crabby more unhappy more content kind of angry but I talked to a couple of fools and fell asleep watching cooking shows can't complain saturday I hung out with my math homies <PERSON> and <PERSON> we went out to lunch and treated ourselves to FRIED ICE CREAM it was damn good then we hung about talking the rest of the day about this and that inside <PERSON>'s room I tried to play counterstrike two words I suck home again watched chocolat johnny depp, may I have your babies? sunday <PERSON>.. bowl o popcorn... lost in translation what do you think he whispered to her in the end? 'do you like rap?' 'a japanese man is checking out my butt' 'i love you' ??	316,944	[ 316852, 316903 ]	234	[ 158263, 269261, 76838, 183190, 218275, 218296, 237159, 314693, 76833, 287707, 234816, 139414, 135354, 288263, 305216, 234394, 217900, 237155, 230413, 241530, 160053, 184742, 108365, 218289, 196972, 234777, 260955, 175623, 160477, 160586, 148175, 226649, 204031, 306414, 228804, 148915, 215526, 234793, 259321, 139401, 265704, 163351, 138419, 27383, 270137, 218284, 161478, 315563, 283109, 275499, 152469, 15549, 218301, 76894, 231935, 237744, 218290, 174794, 234396, 4362, 270135, 183619, 278913, 160491, 154297, 154305, 263382, 181846, 95515, 172977, 251716, 38968, 161316, 210396, 150629, 76893, 275410, 183284, 142768, 160553, 261286, 172872, 152545, 240098, 210416, 224596, 306613, 212009, 148158, 105680, 234402, 287377, 148213, 108434, 152558, 274946, 229820, 222664, 289885, 154529, 234775, 234450, 312762, 210993, 142927, 84538, 160576, 234410, 183951, 312292, 196969, 201442, 160054, 251686, 312682, 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blog_authorship_980975	$650 in change found in man's stomach <PERSON>; The Associated Press BOSTON- French doctors were taken aback when they discovered the reason for a patient's sore, swollen belly: He had swallowed around 350 coins - $650 worth - along with assorted necklaces and needles. The 62-year-old man came to the emergency room ofCholet GeneralHospitalin westernFrancein 2002. He had a history of major psychiatric illness, was suffering from stomach pain, and could not eat or move his bowels. His family warned doctors that he sometimes swallowed coins, and a few had been removed from his stomach in past hospital visits. Still, doctors were awed when they took an X-ray. They discovered an enormous opaque mass in his stomach that turned out to weigh 12 pounds - as much as some bowling balls. It was so heavy it had forced his stomach down between his hips. Five days after his arrival, doctors cut him open and removed his badly damaged stomach with its contents. He died 12 days later from complications. One of his doctors, intensive care specialist Dr. <PERSON>, said the patient had swallowed the coins - both French currency and later euros - over about a decade. His family tried to keep coins and jewelry away from him. 'When he was invited and came in some homes, he liked to steal coins and eat them,' <PERSON> said. The case history of the French patient, whose name was withheld, was reported in today's New England Journal of Medicine. The patient's rare condition is called pica, a compulsion to eat things not normally consumed as food. Its name comes from the Latin word for magpie, a bird thought to eat just about anything. Pica can take the form of eating dirt, ashes, chalk, hair, soap, toothbrushes, burned matches and many other things. <PERSON> once treated a patient who ate forks. Most such objects are small enough to pass on their own, but some must be removed by doctors. The condition is perhaps best known in children and pregnant women but is also sometimes linked to psychiatric illness. A few details of the Frenchman's case were presented Jan. 1 along with the X-ray - but no explanation of the stomach mass - as a challenge to New England Journal of Medicine readers in a fixture called 'A Medical Mystery.' Dr. <PERSON>, an editor at the journal, reported that 666 readers in 73 countries - mostly doctors or doctors-in-training - contacted the journal to try to solve the mystery. Almost 90 percent settled on diagnoses consistent with pica, but only 8 percent correctly identified coins. 'This case serves as a reminder of important factors that should be considered in the care of patients who are mentally impaired,'Badenwrote.	316,945	[ 316882, 316905, 316871, 316937, 316852, 316932, 316901, 316890, 316934, 316888, 316935, 316938, 316869, 316931, 316922, 316914, 316860, 316896, 316863, 316939, 316849, 316903, 316910, 316902, 316870, 316877, 316924, 316930, 316943, 316892, 316926, 316921, 316876, 316858, 316885, 316918, 316909, 316857, 316853, 316906, 316883, 316941, 316855, 316894, 316919, 316925, 316893, 316933, 316940, 316920, 316854, 316908, 316850, 316873, 316867, 316884, 316878, 316851, 316881, 316923, 316898, 316897, 316907, 316929, 316895, 316889, 316899, 316848, 316886, 316891, 316866 ]	66	[ 193260, 147808, 57945, 24610, 57726, 222086, 100114, 48815, 271021, 40681, 81010, 288075, 57975, 10629, 189998, 58000, 81021, 40537, 107060, 148689, 223870, 90555, 283341, 76906, 72092, 36172, 222245, 33912, 50884, 22584, 126644, 278318, 94294, 163959, 157755, 190027, 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blog_authorship_980975	so much to say. break was breaky. winterball was winterbally. yeah. i got a certain letter >gasp so kind so love i am so sorry. <PERSON> turned 16 .:happybirthdaydear:. i have missed that girl lately i am aware that things have changed everyone is different is it my fault? probably. is it your fault? probably. coffee? tents? .:ringring:. so my mom is bothered by me she said that i broke his heart silly mother, silly silly mother you know nothing HAha. first day back at school was horrid as expected a bouncy ball made my lunch 'some would even say it glows....like a lightbulb' cruel intentions oh boy did I cry <PERSON> (sp?) you are too beautiful to die not much more. and she ****** his brains out what is the blank? >shrimp >exodus >tulips	316,946	[ 316852 ]	55	[ 242236, 308138, 181663, 206056, 55669, 266471, 110607, 4433, 109521, 176771, 76801, 8955, 205645, 18586, 293451, 247790, 216819, 140664, 154326, 173357, 180501, 171779, 176306, 188340, 182769, 6006, 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blog_authorship_980975	I saw you there that day now, I don't quite remember exactly when it happened maybe when that certain look was given at that certain moment . maybe it was when they knew before we did yes, I think that was it their certainty confirmed our ever exsisting wonder red.blue.yellow swish swish. my jacket. burning throats. that ever-longing glance. the glass had shattered. pieces were everwhere. not as easy as everyone thought. sun sun sun. cigar.cigar. need. yearn. 'i hate the way i love you' i love the way i hate you i hate love the way i you i love you, way the hate 'the things we won't do for love' everyday my circle cries everyday my thoughts die head or heart? . .. . .... .... .. . .. ........ ... . . . . . ... . . .. she sits there, not moving hardly breathing heart growing then shrinking her thoughts are blank her absence is only physical you come to find how her absence has been perfected she watches you with her eyes, expectance rising in her heart, she waits, silent spirit grows deep within her shaking palms, her eyes meet yours, no longer is her spirit there, it is suddenly taken over by a wave of shame for ever hoping, her eyes turn to puddles reflecting the silent dreams she had for this very moment. as you look into her soul with your x-ray vision of destruction you let out a small laugh. ruin her. i am sorry. i am so very sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. all that she needed. so sorry.	316,947	[ 316852, 316916 ]	162	[ 157667, 246532, 251828, 298949, 229907, 282954, 234565, 174152, 245448, 18194, 270229, 204015, 246142, 157572, 141980, 8348, 148577, 234471, 258528, 226408, 208285, 233966, 295054, 292372, 183992, 203811, 77305, 254933, 209897, 262110, 275551, 228666, 308496, 296214, 298104, 268628, 259627, 149319, 207492, 213707, 243914, 247313, 220282, 231773, 37899, 228652, 300903, 294210, 270836, 257452, 293506, 240746, 139299, 140327, 241240, 139307, 310363, 206276, 153765, 260201, 240828, 281567, 233438, 242128, 198485, 201797, 190018, 33873, 87603, 260792, 294801, 163143, 168189, 300440, 291607, 37775, 302997, 138137, 260745, 294147, 228800, 166425, 85495, 163813, 202952, 254136, 61230, 135, 139318, 244118, 277266, 150024, 4522, 236838, 234439, 157673, 150, 210390, 157548, 308447, 147029, 282372, 308534, 135452, 127559, 295765, 226161, 282953, 105682, 160499, 260571, 236839, 246219, 310540, 201967, 234514, 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blog_authorship_980975	he noticed. he is my teacher. you don't. if you do, anyway. you remain quite quiet. the realization that you have no power is a hard thing to take to understand you think that you know what is right for you for her for him and to find out all your efforts mean nothing can be damaging there is that feeling again of losing everything and gaining what you don't want what do i want? love? hate? anger? you? Wait they don't love you like i love you. Wait they don't love you like i love you. I changed because I was tired of being like you. You stayed the same. I crave the you I used to be. I crave the me I used to be of you. funny how things work. .. .out bright green pants really steal my fancy books about impossible love shatter me yet, envelope me with fantasy mull. et. mull. over. pull. over. sail away, sail away, sail away.	316,948	[ 316916 ]	172	[ 222398, 224269, 243474, 281712, 169212, 138462, 184801, 184813, 178357, 135880, 208155, 175532, 49815, 302473, 245264, 206989, 246845, 291607, 300437, 308535, 243913, 34913, 109543, 160991, 222046, 287558, 85495, 216401, 61087, 248911, 186209, 33898, 33875, 109626, 294580, 151360, 300968, 240336, 288501, 176763, 212810, 176670, 262651, 38915, 273950, 44742, 140705, 243328, 244472, 267157, 221267, 308421, 299293, 68399, 259264, 102747, 295724, 132963, 231550, 109545, 288378, 248427, 208211, 250782, 241538, 159074, 163703, 100407, 143039, 308463, 222406, 216820, 188548, 175565, 305651, 256598, 160547, 259278, 23030, 213707, 293457, 157276, 288693, 217759, 188066, 227341, 108201, 109544, 18583, 251508, 145192, 196636, 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blog_authorship_980975	blam blam strum strum do you hear it, baby? my KEYtar? got my babies back. my pink ones. ah, sleep come to me. my day of birth was better than i could have imagined. <PERSON>. i love you. red hair hair red red hair spicy hair hair spicy i like <PERSON> i miss our talks of sex. . .. ........ shall we roll back? cookie dough faces. oh yum. you know you like it. so about me feeling all o.d.d could it be might it be b-a-c-o-n my one and only love? yep-o kind of want some canned pears pairs of pears i left my phone of cell at ainara shit son that is a bum mer camp orkila one week excited? eh who knows BOOSh	316,949	[ 316852, 316903, 316916 ]	234	[ 92829, 302787, 302783, 255319, 2361, 61341, 310479, 45704, 224026, 224052, 254297, 46623, 154391, 196205, 165015, 126246, 253060, 214128, 246566, 255537, 187747, 172493, 82864, 106464, 279864, 308887, 148470, 122422, 187130, 268082, 299074, 191559, 73633, 210669, 234273, 34976, 259329, 148911, 264767, 279980, 93155, 242028, 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blog_authorship_980975	Want to get myself back in again, The soft dive of oblivion. Want to taste the salt of your skin The soft dive of oblivion, oblivion <PERSON> was good i met some wonderful people it was rather exciting i think i loved it i thought is was the beginning it is just the end i am tired did you know did you that my mood can be defined by my make UP I know that. if you are dreaming, are you dreaming of me? so, about <PERSON> being the greatest kid in the world, yeah 'so, <PERSON>, are you a super jew?' 'well, no, I mean, i go to temple every week, I am kosher, I don't use electronics of saturdays and I am going to <PERSON> next year' 'oh, OK' 'what is your tea average?' 'i would say about 6 cups a day' yes <PERSON>, sIx is about right late nights camp fires string cheese spooning sand-ness singing songs memories moonlight <PERSON> >grunt NAEOP pop . . . . . . .. <PERSON> shaved his head it is good i am all alone with music love love love love love love love it will work work is what it will do working is what is does it works what.a.joke. it doesn't work never working ever ever ever working how am I going to tell you? how am I going to explain? what are you going to say? nothing? are you going to care? laugh? will you believe me? you must believe me this time I do. not lie you will know you will sense the difference you will realize you won't see a joke salty kiss. i have painted my nails fingers and toes all red hows is it gunna be when you don't know me anymore.	316,950	[ 316916, 316852 ]	61	[ 150645, 273950, 285420, 176760, 109704, 243474, 199310, 237639, 96487, 256588, 142739, 211914, 315116, 190519, 187763, 198551, 291607, 139341, 314966, 310035, 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blog_authorship_980975	we talked of our deepest desires that day the day we only had that one second mine was simple yet so very difficult you grabbed my hand suddenly there I was a deer in the headlights you stared right into me you told me exactly every little word I needed . I wanted to stay in that moment not forever but much longer than was permited oy vay how could this have happened? I am more shocked than you. I bet. I love it. I love love. thank you . .. ..your ladybug.. .. .	316,951	[ 316852, 316916, 316937, 316849 ]	162	[ 264960, 260577, 298974, 175651, 234733, 289943, 310015, 92193, 258620, 293090, 176710, 204823, 111002, 292372, 193550, 203874, 282953, 34915, 263352, 202703, 139299, 308386, 159049, 296224, 139306, 160987, 260578, 244512, 275497, 289944, 291135, 269985, 276853, 262573, 315632, 265765, 300385, 166388, 245076, 159373, 222406, 161769, 246856, 190569, 18621, 173674, 212153, 285420, 159421, 156608, 156412, 310023, 194340, 34081, 259382, 298257, 252049, 275503, 24812, 270234, 310033, 207776, 254519, 18606, 262904, 52441, 249678, 276099, 243476, 233005, 243474, 176760, 194342, 250980, 158110, 282405, 259166, 157808, 141360, 251828, 266635, 160982, 245264, 231926, 143666, 16123, 203883, 254124, 204828, 141818, 204011, 53749, 209676, 282955, 296898, 261477, 178392, 258390, 171147, 212103, 163156, 268643, 148651, 236154, 109495, 91091, 262695, 25588, 63160, 137567, 18614, 33335, 191826, 257018, 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blog_authorship_980975	I wonder what my file says; this girl is cautious this girl is quite fond of her index card-color crayon master<IP_ADDRESS>peaces this girl is needing good sex this girl is in love with him, although he doesn't quite know her name this girl is watching the History channel at 4 in the AM this girl is wishing she was with you, making something out of nothing this girl is yearing for sun this girl is impatiently waiting this girl is being set up this girl is a push-over this girl is envious in all ways of the word this girl is wrapped up in herself, yet to ashamed to admit it this girl is one who gives up on people this girl is heartbroken this girl is out of control this girl is a slice of bacon , ello love	316,952	[ 316852, 316903, 316916 ]	194	[ 50303, 5932, 239840, 44580, 254608, 208550, 147910, 245906, 90503, 110347, 1325, 313628, 146834, 73179, 291300, 307422, 50345, 20318, 211517, 145575, 164157, 306429, 60580, 113161, 70157, 157309, 257094, 175201, 301446, 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blog_authorship_980975	so my aunt gets this new car a beast of a thing and she comes and picks me up from ellens sunday mornin' we pull into Monts kimmie... being the greatest woman ever to live gets out her vanilla ice CD then I hear it boom boom boom bada boom boom ice ice baby we crank it suddenly this old man looks at us and walks towards the car we ask 'do you need us to move?' 'Nope, I was just looking at your rims... THOSE ARE NICE!' ...boom boom boom bada boom boom... power was out i enjoyed it i smell of cloves and vanilla I miss <PERSON> really a whole lot a big big lot she is a badass now go badass, it is your birthday <PERSON> has my shoes i want them back very much so, they thought I was pregnant, HAH <PERSON> and <PERSON> you girls are a hoot addie...i am needin' some german apple pancakes <PERSON>...tap tap tap-a-roo muhahaha love is in the air it is spring I am going away for the weekend with <PERSON> I am excited I want to get away I want to buy spandex I want to get taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan boring boring boring i love <PERSON> i miss our talks of boys actually i wish there was a boy I craved so, about my mom thinking I am gay... what the fuck? just because I don't tell you about my love life, doesn't mean I don't have one. even thought I don't. still, your silent asumptions are incorrect. i just haven't met him yet. ok? ok.	316,953	[ 316852, 316916, 316903 ]	72	[ 195905, 154511, 167227, 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blog_authorship_980975	many ringed fingers many colored diamonds many disappointments some kind of will power, i suck <PERSON> is everywhere it floats in the sunlight all exciting like 'you've got pollen on your nose' i am feeling alll funky again i would like to meet this '<PERSON>' character yes, yes i would I would like to find true love in this one person I realized today that I thrive off others love i always like someone until they like me back i seem to like the thrill of the chase now I like no one and everyone I know is finding someone i eat at the love they have once infatuation wears off i no longer bite off a chunk of their love i am never going to find someone god damn i am going to be like the woman with the tattooed hands christ' <PERSON> and I are going to the zoo. <PERSON> needs to call me back. that is what he needs to do I miss <PERSON> I do hope he is having the time of his life I want with all my heart for it to be everything he thought it would be I also feel the need for a letter? perhaps? so about the US being a scary, crazy shit hole I am moving to 'The Beach' <PERSON> and I can make whoopi all night plus, I can do whatever the hell I want WHILE being on a tropical island. all paradise like. oh yes to you please stop trying; please stop; i didn't ask for that; you won't get an answer; no more; no more of this; i thought i had made it clear; i am sorry; but, no more;no more of this;	316,954	[ 316916, 316852 ]	162	[ 155776, 68399, 156627, 260972, 256588, 102669, 232110, 191567, 231779, 279974, 275493, 187157, 276907, 217961, 53431, 26287, 285180, 279505, 271595, 186232, 125684, 66747, 161570, 239328, 258866, 154771, 199310, 314060, 291560, 247515, 201913, 242478, 167878, 188066, 314895, 246153, 109704, 278361, 274727, 295054, 296337, 44173, 18614, 148975, 194522, 139299, 125680, 307694, 176503, 186185, 252251, 198551, 246856, 287529, 154357, 288138, 314195, 12980, 257945, 32752, 317355, 272117, 142756, 189004, 303246, 158483, 299807, 276689, 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blog_authorship_980975	she walks into the room she feels naked in her cacoon of secrets lost to the world of reality she tapes up her smile records her casual conversation her mind floats between between love and want she makes her way across the room full of mixed drinks and mixed emotions five jagged steps later she collapses into the unsuspecting arms of her past lover eye contact waves over in her blank stare there is suddenly a burst of memory his face makes his way through the depths of her bad dreams with her hateful hands and betrayed lips she draws him near she kisses him a knowing kiss a lating hove kiss she leans her head back and once again looks within his eyes while regret drips from her eyes her hand slides from his body unknowingly she makes her way back through the door through the hallway she crouches alone on the stairs waiting for another unfortunate lover another love hidden inside infatuation	316,955	[ 316916, 316937, 316852, 316888 ]	172	[ 272210, 46537, 301608, 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blog_authorship_980975	na na na na na na na na nanananana 'i'm a banana' i have to say I probably ate eight cookies today and I did not need it oy i had this urge to juggle today tomorrow I wil juggle the afternoon away I have this new love for my rat. his bulging eyes his 6 inch tail his knowing of my smell and loving me for it what a wonderful cheese filled creature life is feeling kind of boring? dare I say it no not boring just uneventful full of the same things maybe this is good this normalness this pleasant, yet not thrilling, daily activity pulp fiction needs to be watched again i really need my shoes back from <PERSON> i really need you to stop being an arrogant prick and get over yourself and stop making it all about you i really need you to take some medication i really need you to stop trying so hard to be something your not i really need you to meet me so we can fool ourselves into love i really need you stop loving me i really need you to be happy again and make up dances with me i really need you to forget him for one minute i really need to stop needing so much from people i am a selfish, needy bitch good god, what I would give for the ignorance of youth finding peace in a game of kickball losing myself in a game of 'the ghosts are out tonight' singing raffi at the top of my lungs 'BANANA PHONE' my heart aches for love, or course not just love it aches for someone who will take me to star parties someone who will make me finger paint paintings for my red walls someone who will write me an 'i saw you' this mood is fragile. i should go drown myself in a movie. goodnight my loves.	316,956	[ 316852 ]	61	[ 262905, 301528, 191884, 286429, 159080, 311644, 311681, 197634, 204048, 10696, 276907, 265512, 140930, 212811, 299482, 30449, 30448, 260018, 306973, 14020, 311700, 198552, 112519, 218668, 210299, 196748, 93155, 208099, 212810, 311664, 211939, 316484, 317355, 250473, 158932, 10688, 212921, 316505, 278366, 311511, 304237, 236593, 289104, 146199, 213876, 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blog_authorship_980975	what is with these random, short, yet extreme times of unhappiness i do not feel this is good not only am I unhappy i can't explain why that is the worst cried that day. my sunglasses masked my tears cried again. this time with laughter you are on her jock jock it, jock it, baby my mother and I made a $20 bet I am going to win and life is going to be good my hair is awful i am going to chop it all off cut chop cut chop all gone just like my soul one big rid of everything experience i love <PERSON> (and his mom) i love <PERSON> i love <PERSON> i love <PERSON> i love <PERSON> they all made me laugh really hard, what fabulous people i decided to not tell you my thoughts or feelings anymore you seem to warp my words into things they were never ment to be so next time you come to talk all you will get is a hello, i'm fine and a cold shoulder cause I am a fat bitch _URL_0_ <PERSON> drew a fat penis on my hand we laughed really hard it had hairy balls all sparse like 'don't scribble it out, it was a cool one, but I don't know how to draw the veins' joke: how many dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a lighbulb? one dirty stinkin' ape to screw in the lightbulb and eight other dirty stinkin' apes to fling feces at each other hahaha <PERSON>, you funnnnnnnnny piece of shit	316,957	null	61	[ 310498, 109704, 204011, 168990, 49897, 228666, 181660, 304906, 198391, 176787, 308624, 273448, 158826, 200653, 189455, 216829, 236236, 151401, 194260, 196647, 231779, 260980, 125656, 64698, 259380, 161453, 308421, 294979, 246857, 315635, 175936, 228645, 222814, 210051, 248483, 61100, 221965, 308694, 136137, 201939, 259387, 84317, 155468, 296897, 239331, 248594, 246566, 257270, 175342, 259382, 194341, 201809, 211455, 199310, 201938, 44742, 247131, 231770, 201788, 304203, 142944, 217103, 176782, 161438, 243781, 308512, 230375, 312831, 259329, 312660, 246856, 286878, 201858, 254662, 160985, 230303, 251625, 18614, 161592, 207528, 212022, 291607, 252857, 154673, 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blog_authorship_980975	today was beauty with the emphasis on the <PERSON> i tumbled off the 4 to the 8 <PERSON> and <PERSON> by my side we gobble the finest grub we prance to the etum of the arbor we collapse next to the dead pond frogs sit silent we lounge like lizards in the daisies conversing with our books becoming brown beans the sun heats up my skin until I can't breathe <PERSON> and i prance up the trail of hidden rocks and begin our journey first off in the distance what is that? oh good god, yes it is, it is a naked old man penis dear lord hold your mouth do not embarrass the poor man with your booming cackle at his flopping manhood we scamper into more unknown trails remember the smells of our youth both telling stories stories we already knew but wanted to hear again after wandering every trail we find ourselves back at the dead pond we chat more of every sort of thing sun is coming down we all prance back to the home of mine off my buddies go here I go to buy myself sushi.	316,958	[ 316916, 316852 ]	50	[ 43487, 285615, 173869, 236552, 190043, 316345, 308544, 27140, 102263, 173956, 179383, 181903, 235845, 57741, 40811, 265904, 310332, 184243, 234814, 183174, 270200, 210306, 175431, 188052, 188414, 54041, 203002, 277383, 151674, 195627, 286555, 132218, 293076, 306069, 148445, 296720, 308831, 85320, 179046, 158849, 241425, 195659, 30351, 304576, 20515, 222817, 157638, 308540, 7692, 52026, 203011, 256353, 39857, 253028, 50346, 60003, 67026, 25842, 188905, 169650, 41480, 306771, 50313, 204826, 277437, 200756, 139460, 308815, 285589, 188107, 145058, 198137, 258412, 241719, 198479, 57978, 147742, 245255, 28437, 168103, 229685, 117839, 253245, 203586, 293156, 95444, 303764, 159085, 70051, 812, 296898, 248090, 289933, 172977, 248611, 223184, 293191, 68535, 181901, 215685, 195909, 220614, 107043, 11242, 253320, 69839, 279876, 280891, 287023, 212103, 310201, 25179, 240403, 305097, 132229, 152404, 215671, 181899, 208655, 245094, 256751, 191938, 223867, 86585, 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blog_authorship_980975	today <PERSON> and i were walking towards her sisters car I didn't have a particularly bad day the sun was shining always provides a smile but there sitting on the hood of her sisters hood i realized why i had been feeling distressed and awkward today was no ordinary sunny day while most of you found no difference, for me every minute of the day held signifigance I fell so happy I could burst but at the same time i felt I was missing out on something today was a day for my soul mate and me today held memory in every blink today i yearned for the one I love today i lost the one I love today i found that my soul mate exists there was something strange in the air today I couldn't explain it to <PERSON> in everyway that it was fluttering through my brain i wanted to devour everyone in the beauty I felt yet i wanted to break down in my sorrow while I know I sound ridiculous and you probably are thinking I am surely absurd I most likely am but something about the sun today gave me an overwhelming feeling	316,959	[ 316916, 316852, 316937, 316887 ]	209	[ 188104, 136790, 186866, 305744, 164602, 305638, 155817, 293, 312658, 150280, 260573, 312871, 244638, 142739, 298891, 292971, 157321, 233007, 200330, 37472, 44051, 233430, 283874, 162189, 149657, 289943, 228085, 279366, 266311, 39011, 190660, 161464, 201354, 71777, 223184, 53394, 212153, 201442, 52025, 85844, 259278, 215239, 249922, 140807, 242552, 64431, 246304, 169797, 299830, 182930, 312890, 95529, 306148, 312723, 201788, 292829, 209995, 268491, 191708, 146070, 138930, 8223, 162287, 51747, 249054, 287238, 148914, 253305, 215235, 245936, 291829, 157877, 238492, 221816, 52171, 167996, 238289, 158452, 270607, 174142, 262361, 160226, 259211, 229674, 275044, 285249, 243617, 161526, 190167, 109587, 173674, 289050, 263461, 34955, 161018, 156419, 309444, 163250, 275123, 183536, 52799, 148954, 304618, 139306, 262619, 243458, 182777, 52195, 295204, 247170, 236839, 187246, 157444, 61099, 248319, 312843, 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blog_authorship_980975	if I can make you ____ again then the ___ will begin again 'that position is hot' i thought so too. so i am a hypocritical whore i am a liar i love then i hate i hate then i love today was what i chose to do not you not her not him me. no one to blame but myself and so far i place no blame so far my decision has proved wise so please don't yell and please don't tell me i am wrong because you don't know what is or isn't good for me nor do I but i know better than you i am inside my head don't try to get in here it is my head not yours ok? ok.	316,960	[ 316916, 316894 ]	206	[ 136431, 207, 285113, 98784, 49781, 261636, 102757, 85479, 307623, 198533, 204121, 203857, 204015, 181857, 264595, 311233, 243326, 108201, 207034, 228005, 193424, 243328, 190216, 257542, 18649, 238126, 10170, 198551, 176771, 162442, 95999, 266493, 311561, 64775, 160767, 305732, 211917, 165776, 266223, 30806, 65352, 204044, 282399, 51880, 219504, 92216, 89422, 263698, 246153, 246846, 315188, 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blog_authorship_980975	There's no need to argue anymore. I gave all I could, but it left me so sore. And the thing that makes me mad, Is the one thing that I had, I knew, I knew, I'd lose you. You'll always be special to me, Special to me, to me. And I remember all the things we once shared, Watching T.V. movies on the living room armchair. But they say it will work out fine. Was it all a waste of time? 'Cause I knew, I knew, I'd lose you. You'll always be special to me, Special to me, to me. Will I forget in time, You said I was on your mind? There's no need to argue, No need to argue anymore. There's no need to argue anymore.	316,961	[ 316852, 316916, 316887 ]	162	[ 219788, 175740, 187484, 262977, 12681, 184813, 111002, 223760, 84045, 131466, 181748, 60748, 145385, 265728, 10085, 197905, 161001, 175560, 187463, 74398, 48427, 179807, 246532, 273581, 176764, 182959, 257132, 305401, 200409, 181303, 202948, 225842, 172903, 98938, 210229, 262969, 195878, 156392, 31515, 67704, 270211, 251625, 134108, 217774, 226128, 178350, 299474, 317167, 316726, 262980, 246739, 109687, 182060, 18241, 257672, 312518, 262966, 190224, 59804, 133072, 145398, 218727, 2465, 251176, 310505, 48036, 126300, 147193, 151814, 224756, 182153, 243474, 123094, 280132, 208214, 195873, 213426, 263421, 84317, 176788, 118613, 189923, 294845, 305883, 170383, 188109, 38786, 68357, 315116, 197639, 182402, 222410, 196641, 226547, 268638, 74440, 300440, 305713, 243483, 180891, 522, 175514, 252335, 304319, 261308, 169634, 150794, 145376, 214414, 242284, 271584, 146613, 172537, 273148, 177775, 143662, 238261, 267154, 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blog_authorship_980975	i am going through a <PERSON> phase formerly the artist formerly known as <PERSON> formerly (the unspeakable symbol) now <PERSON>. he must have mad sex appeal cause i don't think he is very attractive. but his music damn homie. falling asleep at weird parts of the day not feeling myself yet another funk? > you know what I hate? well, this is it. when you demonstrate love for someone and care and compassion and concern and they turn it into you being the ass hole the one who doesn't know what they are talking about i just want to shout 'fuck you bitch, sorry that i showed concern, i won't ever care about you again' the worst is when they ASK you to tell them what you think and again, they proceed to get angry 'i hope you guys fix each other' why do you still talk to me when everything i do pisses you off so much sorry that i am so horrible maybe you shouldn't talk to me maybe then you wouldn't have to bitch at me about every flaw you find in my personality fuck you FUCK YOU baby you are much too fast. honey you have got to slow it down. SMALL MEDIUM LARGE .tears. why is it that when everything is going ok boooooom i am hit with a blow so big i can't function my brain is moving too fast it is so tired so very tired .,...,,.,,.,.,.,.,,,..,,,..,,., i am tired of missing missing so much and not being missed back is it pathetic to want to be missed? yes. >insert gnarly guitar solo here that was <PERSON> man can that guy <PERSON>? yes. i am counting UFO's. I signal them with my lighter . and in this moment. i am happy. i wish you were. here.	316,962	[ 316894, 316852, 316916 ]	248	[ 308605, 109783, 262634, 266152, 232092, 210395, 271049, 160197, 307550, 140327, 157516, 262651, 238716, 174155, 167682, 26279, 308422, 315246, 300885, 203811, 260953, 181521, 212850, 273448, 157508, 308463, 308417, 259380, 204015, 254933, 216694, 265154, 182137, 244059, 258772, 308411, 176788, 232976, 246086, 201968, 298968, 308421, 97368, 286430, 176768, 49781, 263537, 246407, 157263, 251857, 156035, 201969, 246850, 187157, 312890, 223734, 53431, 201397, 109704, 18614, 259256, 5208, 238712, 310504, 261384, 297682, 67322, 176787, 286423, 303874, 217759, 166981, 249917, 148174, 312660, 162073, 151198, 33869, 275065, 31641, 210672, 210051, 174152, 230249, 134961, 258233, 108201, 314887, 155776, 199310, 171703, 222561, 211442, 307835, 121214, 306499, 167873, 172572, 255545, 196636, 92171, 206841, 258565, 227353, 260201, 174168, 192994, 33853, 314195, 274574, 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blog_authorship_980975	you shouldn't say things like that to someone like me you should know that no, actually you shouldn't but i wish you would have said nothing nothing doesn't keep me up at night nothing doesn't turn me upside down so, what is the deal with that bizness? buzz.buzz. i watched adaptation i loved it more than i can explain 'life is composed of what you love, not what loves you' i saw you watching me through your secret window we winked a knowing wink cause that is what we do. no speaking. no acting as if we have ever met. simply a wink. do you like these winks? i no longer wish for this secret window. so you wrote me back it had been so long you gave me advice i like you you are so mysterious yet i know you when are you going to send me on a grand adventure? another task perhaps? sorry i failed the first mission. you know i tried.	316,963	[ 316916, 316852 ]	162	[ 273950, 187157, 195856, 196970, 246845, 269625, 222398, 312725, 185497, 213707, 302971, 260181, 243474, 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blog_authorship_980975	you are so sad and i try so hard to make you do anything laugh smile cry talk i don't know what you want from me you seem to want something otherwise you wouldn't call every day and i love your calls and i only get frustrated because i love you so much and you mean so much to me and to have you be so sad makes me cry and i don't know what to do and you don't know what you want me to do and it is so hard when you say nothing at all . i am sorry i am fucking stupid but i also feel like i shouldn't apologize because i try so very hard and you never try and you never say you are sorry . we need to have a day . i know that it won't magically make your life wonderful but i would like to make your day wonderfully wonderful . would you believe here we are again and this time i don't work like i am suppose to things aren't going as they are suppose to i am not suppose to have a life you are suppose to be my life . well you left my life so i got a new one sorry if it backfired on you things won't ever be the same don't go looking for the same . look for something new even [gasp] better?	316,964	[ 316916, 316852 ]	162	[ 187157, 308421, 109783, 313742, 155811, 18233, 213707, 161570, 308531, 227353, 271049, 246219, 176503, 314966, 176787, 228634, 257132, 271583, 174168, 308704, 132984, 243474, 184558, 259278, 204020, 269661, 193423, 308496, 30823, 55485, 255995, 149177, 233126, 243914, 308696, 250781, 294580, 308694, 248427, 53431, 299474, 16732, 182153, 167828, 155812, 260201, 35239, 213712, 245264, 176768, 221267, 230078, 237165, 207267, 100407, 281567, 220143, 285420, 302476, 308670, 172616, 98918, 216819, 156521, 252857, 275061, 273950, 222538, 88130, 188085, 212050, 63166, 188548, 187121, 228633, 250985, 146870, 308624, 141980, 109704, 143666, 198534, 245448, 315689, 145978, 268628, 308533, 180379, 216537, 312638, 150414, 300440, 305202, 257614, 158434, 212797, 216694, 108201, 295054, 198533, 312890, 161450, 91764, 195861, 183992, 259256, 158331, 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blog_authorship_980975	torn apart inside a blender has moved from smoothies to my heart . please don't touch me it hurts so bad . please touch me it hurts so good . what is it that you want from me? . i can't be who you want me to be . i am a secretly shy girl movies are my marijuana music breaks my heart he does also i love my lips and my eyes i hate myself i am full of others passions i love but what, i do not know i am lonely i am full of lies i expect more from people or maybe i am right people were ment to let me down i love too much i don't love enough i am sorry i am never good enough you are never good enough food comforts my soul like no person can my brain is full of over analysis no one could ever love me because i can never love me what an unfortunate tradegy. tears no longer drown sorrow. my fake smiles are shattering. let go. jump in. what are you waiting for. its alright. there is beauty in the breakdown. breakdown.	316,965	[ 316852 ]	250	[ 314966, 204041, 187157, 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blog_authorship_980975	spite n. 1.Malicious ill will prompting an urge to hurt or humiliate. all you did was humiliate yourself. your immature act will be ignored. i am a bitch. i am a slut. i am happy now. so fuck you. do as you wish. i will do as i wish. the worst part is all you can do is take away. and even you you do take you will not win what you take. i fucked up. i am not going to regret this time. i am tired of regret. never talk to me again. fine. hate me. fine. but don't fuck things up between me and the people i care about most. my friends are your friends you will have to deal with this fact. get used to me being in the room. i am more than willing to have a talk. i am more than willing to stop what has just begun. but please stop being immature. because it causes drama that is much not needed. you want me to stop. i will. say the word. but you must remember you said the word start before. and you went back on your word. you know that i cared. but you said it was ok. now it isn't. ok. i can deal with that. but you should never ever have given the go ahead if it was all a load of shit. cause it will and has fucked everything in the ass hole. sorry i am salty bitch. i was made that way. this fucking whore is out. .:peace:.	316,966	[ 316894, 316916, 316888, 316869, 316926, 316848, 316922, 316858, 316887, 316855, 316853, 316873, 316930, 316877, 316914, 316904, 316851 ]	12	[ 308496, 276470, 8207, 229772, 272313, 308605, 187773, 227353, 163535, 236593, 243328, 173688, 260953, 175506, 315246, 300880, 308411, 187785, 268650, 257173, 190279, 276907, 84244, 271049, 263537, 308512, 204044, 187746, 132877, 109783, 260201, 148929, 213210, 260972, 258772, 304709, 134961, 74564, 198540, 294979, 181539, 315116, 97368, 18241, 212850, 242239, 198532, 56202, 300889, 18614, 285123, 67322, 74456, 308422, 273950, 246857, 187741, 232980, 198296, 174635, 190273, 317351, 26396, 84317, 278446, 147750, 263035, 187367, 275496, 315521, 297686, 198244, 141980, 252123, 199315, 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blog_authorship_980975	july 4th. oh what a night. begin: 5:00pm casa de ellen futbol game greece wins 5:30pm bomb nosh life 6:00pm the house of <PERSON> run 8:07pm Billy me crying full understanding no understanding i love you 8 miles and more would i bike in the rain i promise. 8:43pm caroline phone rings reality 9:32pm ish wallingford park fireworks drunks dancing kissing screaming bums losing dollar bills 10 something perhaps 11 something they move upstairs we hoot . , . sorry you were unable to attend . . would you have cared? lovebites. incredible ness was that the word? i am a comparison. i am used. i am that girl. . . .... ... ..oops. what has gotten into me? went to the concert of <PERSON> it was wonderful absolutly heart breaking good . as it was ment to be. i have to kitties now. so much love. . what do you think of me now? . slut.	316,967	[ 316916, 316852, 316903 ]	74	[ 185497, 212147, 230249, 297540, 154333, 309628, 297026, 304618, 225323, 125656, 209568, 246857, 190427, 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blog_authorship_980975	recently. i have been feeling like a horrid person. and i would like to openly apologize to every person. i know it won't mean what it should. but i ought to be said. who first? Dear ****, I am sorry. For anything I ever did to make you doubt. You are my love. You know this. My soul sista, as we used to put it. Dear **, I am sorry. For not loving you the way you love me. I am sorry. That you can't be around me anymore. I miss you often. I hate that I turn your mood sour. I never ment to do so. Someday, when our love is equal, we shall make sandwiches that are godly and dance along to run dmc sounding from your blaster of ghetto. Dear , I am sorry. For not being a good person to you. Although we will always have differences, and I know we will never be as we used to. I treated you with the ut-most disrespect, that which you did not deserve. I will always have my thoughts about you and you for me. but i do wish you to know. that I cherish you as someone who understands the tangle that is me. always picking up where we left off. never time for discomfort. this apology doesn't deserve to be accepted, for it is too late. but i want it to be said. i am always up for sober fun with you. i am always up to chat for hours with a coffee in my hand. you mind is a web i don't understand, and never will, but that i have grown to understand. so now all that is left. is to say, you deserve love. more than many people i know. and i do hope you find it. and i hope that that person loves you. these things ought to be said. they ought to. Dear *****, I am sorry. For ever allowing you to leave my life the way you have. I am sorry that you felt you weren't good enough. when really perhaps you were just too good and there wasn't enough of you to be shared with me. I check up on you often. I ask people how you are. Happy i have heard as of late. always good to hear. I miss you every day. I often think about calling you, but I feel it is too late. I know you are probably laughing at this. thinking that I don't really care. but I do. whether you think so or not. and. I guess all I want to say is. you are wonderful. and. a mystery to me. remain happy my dear, it suits you beautifully. Dear ***, I am sorry. For letting you slip so far away. I am sorry that I wasn't good enough. You know that i love you. and. my friend you shall always be. I am sorry you lost your spark. I hope that someday soon you will find it. on that day. I shall tell you the secret of schmidt and you will understand the stub. Dear you, and you , and you, I am sorry. if you only knew how my heart swells. leave not room for regret. things just might unfuck themselves. today I want to meet you. our soberness will envelope us. and our understanding. will make us love.	316,968	[ 316916 ]	162	[ 314966, 97368, 5208, 259814, 268628, 30823, 157667, 308496, 33313, 243914, 100389, 87438, 100407, 212153, 227353, 216796, 182153, 174155, 139318, 117037, 236839, 189413, 205645, 187773, 206841, 271031, 195861, 212142, 149177, 295054, 302473, 222389, 246856, 195878, 184558, 308694, 148929, 315689, 278366, 308534, 244162, 150403, 239838, 154608, 101326, 228633, 150407, 206829, 164867, 272313, 313742, 188744, 187785, 165247, 258566, 264271, 8348, 245943, 187195, 33869, 176503, 100290, 139205, 273227, 234471, 206823, 308463, 289045, 213707, 198540, 195856, 315116, 204015, 222406, 251828, 243474, 245260, 300440, 279772, 136431, 285503, 271583, 201698, 145978, 315048, 109878, 273950, 204121, 206290, 262830, 198534, 33955, 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blog_authorship_980975	half of what I say is meaningless, but i say it just to reach you. you could cut the sexual tension with a knife. that drunk girl rubbed me the wrong way. damn. i am <PERSON>'s piano i am <PERSON>'s piano operation >get tan is failing rather dramatically <PERSON> is back in town. we shall bond like we have never before. when the clock strikes midnight where will your feet be? mine, you ask? dancing to the lime and coconut. <PERSON> is there nothing I can take? i said <PERSON> to relieve this belly ache. come on. just come on. come on *****. you fucked up so monsterously that the thought of your face increases the chance of vomiting woo, i would hate to be wearing your shoes, bitch. shake you butt. like a stupid slut. like a stupid slut .	316,969	[ 316916, 316852 ]	11	[ 134602, 100694, 66729, 308569, 224263, 150108, 212120, 230249, 81156, 285505, 60637, 89914, 302894, 260719, 299837, 4405, 53431, 270987, 314839, 194260, 160173, 148226, 121486, 25588, 181421, 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blog_authorship_980975	everything seems to have fallin apart at the seeeeeeeems?seams? yet put itself together again but the pieces don't fit no no no fitting is not what they are doing . god damn . why won't they just fit .maybe. just for a week? the more I try to be a better person the more I fail. listening to her cry. made my heart hurt. i am sorry. i sat on your roof that morning. all alone. the sky was turning pink, but still blue. that between period right before the sun. appears. my shooting star no longer able to be seen. i wanted to call someone. have them rescue me from my content loneliness. instead i crawled back through the window back into your bed back into your arms because you can't escape reality because you will never know what you want and nothing will ever be perfect. can't go a lookin for good conversation. well this mood is unfortunate. donut kisses. i said i didn't need you anymore. i ment i didn't need you anymore. i don't feel the way you think. you are a poor unfortunate soul.	316,970	[ 316916, 316852 ]	162	[ 300440, 159119, 145975, 2305, 155817, 18241, 233016, 263622, 251828, 288501, 146826, 186205, 157312, 308512, 302473, 260201, 291284, 246533, 308534, 252127, 109626, 76189, 61186, 189264, 246083, 203806, 23030, 232140, 307706, 257132, 308393, 182153, 257173, 143666, 210319, 183992, 187157, 157292, 125771, 308422, 195861, 297010, 299293, 260018, 162077, 292382, 275551, 30823, 157258, 4405, 165253, 295054, 236858, 243474, 176787, 292419, 115649, 271583, 289943, 84317, 109704, 246080, 26287, 161530, 197616, 194342, 248191, 4448, 271179, 273950, 257912, 180891, 299808, 308496, 172487, 18223, 302635, 308624, 246084, 18230, 253830, 141980, 302478, 111303, 187116, 175565, 299925, 139963, 44180, 295121, 201740, 166621, 293, 170726, 291607, 212084, 271049, 253823, 308569, 186209, 201815, 176788, 169244, 308533, 136431, 250132, 315246, 140950, 305095, 188740, 232980, 161438, 232061, 273448, 308417, 146193, 230303, 288183, 39058, 286770, 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blog_authorship_980975	i n m y d r e a m w e m a d e l o v e a n d i t w e n t i n t o t h e a i r a n d i n t o t h e n e a r e s t a n i m a l s [mice]t h e y i n t u r n t o o k t h a t l o v e a n d m a d e m o r e f o r t h e n e x t f o r t u n a t e a n i m a l s [us ] twice . double the love, baby. double the love. i told <PERSON> i loved her. because she is so great. i bailed on <PERSON>. because i am turning into one of those people i hate and bitch about what the fuck?> things are going pretty good. i am very content. well that is a lie. content I will never be. but i am feeling closer. <PERSON> and I made bean dip. giggity giggity. shoot them in the head, their dead. so <PERSON> knows my feelings more than she should. hahahaha. that is so pathetic i can barely handle it. remember when <PERSON> was <PERSON>? and she dyed her hair brown and it turned a brighter orange? then we were both cats and <PERSON> was there and so were <PERSON> and <PERSON> in fat suits and my ears got run over -crunch- i have been searching lately what you ask? who am I? oh, <PERSON>, you are SO deep. oy vay. i just wish I had a passion. something that would keep me from sitting on this dumb computer writing this bull shit. can a person be your passion? yes. no. i can make a vagina out of my arm fat. yummy. - - - my skin smells like you. - - - does yours smell like me?	316,971	null	11	[ 271074, 230249, 190584, 228304, 30196, 10643, 181914, 246857, 268643, 198739, 300889, 163530, 308425, 292373, 307636, 146838, 254297, 236860, 260067, 315190, 307664, 260953, 275496, 254933, 242517, 211459, 135914, 232980, 157508, 314872, 277293, 210375, 259330, 159049, 174301, 283114, 191185, 260991, 174635, 199720, 225970, 238723, 38915, 204039, 262214, 193503, 187623, 239331, 255308, 44742, 281503, 53372, 237182, 211477, 293832, 202896, 264595, 190290, 66747, 139306, 139758, 147741, 236838, 314035, 138450, 37646, 304252, 204038, 196904, 238709, 187773, 174152, 14326, 275549, 239328, 205776, 232115, 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blog_authorship_980975	i hope that when I meet you if that day really does come that I won't fall in love with you because that would ruin my plan and my plan worked for me so, if you could just do me this favor and not let me fall in love with you shit i am worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrried about you and you and you oh yes, and you so I would really like to know the reason for you extreme salty whore-ness could you fill me in? i better get up and move my feet so, as um cliche? as this may sound i found peace yesterday in an odd place <PERSON> was laying about in the sun I was getting back to my younger years in the pool beside her i decided to float on my back aimlessly, hoping not to bump my head i close my eyes and just floated around and everything was just good sorry i told you i was going to cry i didn't want you to have to deal with that now then, lets get back to nature.	316,972	[ 316916, 316852 ]	162	[ 259380, 295765, 285420, 157667, 154572, 9204, 4405, 52225, 222406, 227353, 140704, 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blog_authorship_983609	Bridge School Benefit Big Sur, Bridge School, and San Francisco were all great this weekend. We had a fun night of frolicking drunk in the trees and then woke up with pounding heads yet happy hearts. We even saw zebras on the roadside yet I think they were only zonkeys. We ate outside the entrance of a Ralphs and looked liked vagrants to the old women with their stink faces and evil eyes. The Bridge School show had awful sound but there were some cool parts. Wilco was great, they played to <PERSON> songs, including Jesus Christ for President, and three of their own. Counting Crows was ok, they covered Friend of the Devil by the Grateful Dead. Pearl Jam was awesome. I am officially back on the PJ train after that show. They sounded the best and brought the best mojo to the show. They opened with the most haunting version of <PERSON>'s Masters of War that I've ever heard, and then went to couple of their own songs. They then then played 25 seconds to go by <PERSON> and I nearly jumped out of my pants. Mass repect to <PERSON> for that. Then <PERSON> came on and he was completely stoned. It was a great set. CSN&Y finished things off and were great as well. We then drove to our hotel room and happened to cover inch of floorspace that was available except the tub. We woke up and went to San Francisco to walk a lot and eat bad Chinese food. We then road back to SoCal on our horses to see the hills on fire. I know so many people affected by these fires. I know a couple guys in Simi, five in the mist of the San Diego blazes, and about 10 families in the Big Bear/Arrowhead/Crestline area. It's incredible to think that so much of the mountains in San Bernadino are gone and entire towns could be wiped out. I'm going to be praying a lot today. I think a lot of people are. I'm going to get comments on this site soon.	316,973	[ 316953, 316952 ]	114	[ 26118, 202922, 111229, 143103, 162535, 26094, 304900, 310727, 85192, 296460, 111590, 310750, 232954, 26090, 174985, 128604, 63051, 181812, 117624, 204883, 306510, 313596, 289703, 154274, 40991, 100791, 69984, 45397, 60501, 170598, 74991, 174975, 161387, 161367, 50731, 18278, 249089, 156657, 284853, 109375, 4913, 289170, 230884, 298877, 111113, 13075, 289187, 100806, 237214, 268726, 75724, 40567, 206396, 210379, 179743, 302313, 58286, 174984, 119956, 105116, 253026, 10769, 59042, 222373, 237370, 287377, 182728, 67292, 229154, 92568, 176290, 310826, 8605, 20493, 275914, 172844, 142782, 161373, 270869, 50823, 7064, 41041, 2646, 40642, 259026, 253390, 62189, 222526, 74543, 284779, 286719, 185027, 42401, 268733, 296461, 108622, 191748, 186251, 273546, 230074, 110817, 297391, 151961, 188675, 247548, 230041, 84629, 186250, 26082, 191750, 172860, 117717, 241757, 108375, 200019, 67270, 59467, 305578, 125298, 165365, 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blog_authorship_983609	I Hate This Computer I'm writing to y'all from a broken, open computer that only seems to want to turn on once every twenty times I try. So I'll make things quick. Updates: 1) Got a girlfriend, seriously. She's great, she's cute. I'm lucky. I don't want to screw this up. 2) I thought I was working for Best Buy but they never call to work. They're all flakes. Now I'm trying to go Radio Shack. If Best Buy doesn't want me, I'll go straight to their competition. 3) I got an interview with this shady company that I soon found out was a pyramid scheme. I spent most of the day in Oxnard trying to sell electronics items at wholesale prices. I felt like I was scaming people. I probably was. Still looking for honest work. 4) A couple of my friends are now in jail, in Oregon. It's a crazy situation. More on this later. Other than this stuff, life is still the same in Burbank. Boring. I need to win the Lottery. So I could travel and open a nice bar. I'd called it O'Sycz's. I know, it's not that catchy.	316,974	[ 316953 ]	175	[ 123902, 6904, 75180, 261318, 263828, 100863, 110808, 312142, 9755, 219391, 9897, 44760, 259727, 194996, 243952, 252876, 204590, 300814, 77255, 123956, 117667, 314311, 11142, 211014, 111447, 26756, 151635, 263827, 274449, 32381, 68897, 180921, 125037, 199628, 111751, 63265, 101567, 308236, 122005, 310419, 312148, 20197, 258716, 183238, 196089, 91585, 251611, 162157, 18233, 175972, 123863, 214225, 237657, 229101, 42562, 220945, 39845, 187647, 126520, 11140, 58138, 44074, 242603, 160392, 168547, 111211, 22017, 271797, 110560, 125185, 126706, 312122, 16479, 125172, 171527, 304639, 257619, 243781, 96679, 259143, 144177, 290730, 287898, 115647, 209481, 58639, 314116, 227865, 40167, 304767, 315173, 236996, 43114, 172335, 296221, 119134, 243946, 89526, 300818, 190701, 128620, 186851, 124966, 123828, 210397, 63392, 296836, 290807, 96670, 187623, 249788, 158489, 139954, 138692, 300327, 224122, 220943, 252660, 118635, 279904, 42677, 64294, 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blog_authorship_983609	Old Zoo My sister <PERSON> took me to the urlLink Old Zoo in Griffith Park yesterday. I always wanted to see it because I heard about the old cages there ffrom the 1930s and all the old tagging. I was disappointed to see the Parks Services paint over all the graffii. So if you feel marking some walls and cages up, I would encourage you to go with some friends and have at it there. The sis and I did hike a lot in the hills and ventured around other areas of the park that I haven't seen for years. It's really cold in house right now. My room, since it is an old addition, doesn't have proper insulation and I can usually see my own breath in the mornings. I think I'm going to fire up the portable heater to keep me warm tonight. But I can't complain. This weather is way better than 100 degree heat.	316,975	[ 316953, 316952 ]	229	[ 238435, 313102, 139863, 28793, 36365, 61520, 170228, 220785, 70182, 287896, 208983, 24630, 91506, 35333, 287744, 213733, 112717, 137360, 213577, 107585, 212618, 291114, 313545, 35871, 161291, 168628, 274715, 20515, 222275, 290673, 241402, 284023, 294178, 275706, 144966, 313196, 269172, 193660, 175122, 181205, 177086, 286977, 216397, 154453, 165413, 88889, 182114, 189913, 109409, 244653, 194785, 150854, 102833, 114923, 242935, 28862, 111486, 120789, 148976, 310714, 1332, 310811, 28731, 15769, 193486, 201948, 297694, 164184, 200185, 119928, 17413, 56279, 165777, 268372, 197875, 116999, 259632, 202998, 296218, 82240, 215658, 185027, 70497, 158497, 267046, 16189, 308902, 307701, 224190, 173092, 136550, 250996, 144127, 226961, 111506, 139862, 122000, 184025, 259856, 169738, 49984, 76550, 283033, 249922, 64496, 236888, 227859, 24663, 128347, 309823, 451, 213571, 43021, 189537, 134320, 287746, 4737, 183870, 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blog_authorship_983609	<PERSON> I went down to Whittier for all pagan's day. And as a long standing tradition, I disappointed myself with my lack of effort in my choice of costume. I paid $15 for the worst priest outfit I could find and had a holy water container filled with whiskey. The guys at the bayou decided to throw a small party that turned into a rockin bash. If you can imagine a party being thrown in New York subway at rush hour, you can how much personal space was being violated there. I got to chill and talk with some good people, drink a little and then close out the party at 2am. I woke up 8am, drank some coffee, and hang out with my <PERSON> as he was hung over on the other(bigger) couch at the Bayou. I didn't envy him, I've been in his shoes many times before. Soon after that, hung out and ate at Nimo's, and then cleaned up the house. After that, <PERSON> noticed that there was an garage under the house that was locked and we preceeded, with <PERSON>, to break the lock and discover what treasures we had. Through the dank, dusty, cludured space we found many dead spiders, and old furniture. It ends up the space was keeping things left behind by the owner's deceased mother. There was some old 78s in there so all was not lost. It would have been better there was some gold in there. Or at least some old clothing of the male persuation that would fit me. After that I cleaned up, and saw a movie with my friend <PERSON> and her roommates. It was the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It wasn't the best movie in the world but I had good company. After that I hung out with <PERSON>, and then went home. Good times, good people.	316,976	[ 316953 ]	74	[ 5185, 296809, 210391, 270137, 40528, 137593, 253361, 186246, 206397, 110838, 308831, 100866, 226379, 68442, 154888, 173420, 932, 108393, 229939, 226384, 183870, 141311, 142094, 250073, 154086, 273061, 148504, 196872, 98957, 138331, 263596, 13092, 101130, 277326, 209831, 76955, 252874, 166136, 278302, 236548, 190317, 53011, 178763, 147209, 234397, 208350, 276840, 161311, 227686, 179743, 209814, 287623, 308847, 141228, 197970, 48616, 208549, 260629, 258328, 73945, 72194, 304965, 254986, 161358, 108603, 237753, 183882, 231719, 229938, 222364, 218998, 253367, 63871, 270135, 164626, 217881, 147597, 292073, 233730, 250069, 241943, 249376, 274951, 126849, 274697, 119676, 189535, 181205, 242214, 155288, 109394, 194312, 15514, 108623, 293393, 142820, 13105, 175795, 116690, 263304, 276680, 132077, 61045, 308825, 169132, 27867, 142787, 201070, 23340, 20131, 167583, 63930, 285873, 172981, 308829, 206401, 165520, 68449, 116436, 115367, 249172, 68283, 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blog_authorship_983609	Don't worry.... Nothing Really Happened Nothing has really happened since the last post. No job. I have of applications out there but they probably won't be read til at least January 5. I can tell you that manager at the Big 5 in Burbank is a jerk. Don't go there. But if you do go, make sure to ask for <PERSON> and give him a sealed envelope in which there is a diploma which says, '<PERSON> of Big 5 is hereby declared a Complete Ass.' I think he will like that. Make sure to congradulate him and shake his hand. And if you are an employer, please be kind to the people that are trying to find work with your company. They have feelings and ambitions just like you. Because you never know if that person you spit on today, will be your new employer in the future. And if you care to do so, I'm apply at my old alma mater for a position in the admissions department and would like your prayers . In my own eyes, I feel that I'm very qualified to take on the job, seeing that I've worked in the admissions department for a year, I know the school like the back of my hand, I've given so much of my time to Biola through service and even promoting the school, but you never know what can happen. I've been shut out of much lesser positions(Wells Fargo is hereby declared a Complete Ass), and many, many doors have been shut in my face. My girlfriend is in China for 6 weeks and I miss her terribly. It's nice that I still talk to her on the phone but it's very rarely that I do because of the expense. She will be coming back on January 22. I can't wait. I hate patience. So I hope that all your Christmas/Hanukuah/Kwanzaa wishes came through and that the New Year will be good. I hope mine will be better.	316,977	[ 316953 ]	204	[ 98072, 26962, 63176, 90573, 118194, 171143, 128462, 295578, 221275, 55260, 234733, 286570, 188009, 242479, 193929, 217629, 250447, 259254, 184004, 119007, 48357, 295057, 277284, 27814, 264608, 259154, 193486, 204532, 302131, 33853, 302725, 312108, 26657, 139963, 259841, 181149, 246219, 179549, 241083, 211932, 203770, 63818, 251553, 292406, 208988, 227353, 291606, 263583, 99528, 141092, 158443, 285826, 118515, 147952, 27001, 186934, 155641, 231764, 279900, 190763, 223504, 158098, 150853, 288501, 237138, 59575, 18233, 62818, 267785, 314979, 130073, 44205, 229570, 295100, 114105, 145236, 158471, 241870, 117374, 312122, 206557, 109609, 260067, 133258, 316252, 141419, 111500, 108201, 264582, 4642, 251607, 9729, 227865, 122272, 176121, 72645, 12324, 10210, 303015, 124755, 257130, 145808, 184570, 52843, 50287, 131697, 307994, 306732, 140746, 158685, 100291, 237757, 239878, 222800, 124914, 60459, 239052, 169250, 297415, 158477, 229059, 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blog_authorship_983609	My Curse I think that I'm cursed. The curse that is upon me is one that prevents me from obtaining employment. I know that there are jobs out there. I apply for a lot of them. I never get them. Bad luck wind been blowing at my back. Maybe I should start my own crime syndicate. Start with petty crime at first and then move my way up to extortion and assasination jobs. Or maybe not. Maybe being a cop is not that bad of an idea.	316,978	[ 316952 ]	195	[ 297056, 297058, 200314, 159108, 113735, 114496, 75782, 118217, 295490, 5239, 41211, 104339, 183870, 44043, 198332, 134696, 109108, 55622, 193521, 55533, 128290, 16629, 118346, 307184, 295129, 250467, 307290, 221395, 13272, 38992, 258004, 131880, 190857, 250552, 62338, 305154, 255240, 212574, 225354, 258950, 128391, 255390, 193445, 258007, 103961, 211287, 117823, 8013, 118515, 190895, 230761, 62671, 206174, 16860, 243556, 293790, 260367, 87483, 120684, 244137, 217286, 248911, 238442, 263056, 219200, 35901, 17098, 212384, 39662, 130073, 118365, 90639, 104044, 251940, 215684, 253830, 246419, 166022, 315101, 261531, 70403, 203794, 234509, 195999, 242445, 293595, 211184, 240802, 296108, 111388, 253558, 162246, 73869, 306006, 62268, 134779, 146241, 123660, 191773, 226573, 153804, 291562, 43494, 92669, 159106, 282162, 103979, 167748, 99139, 175151, 237193, 208236, 93343, 307298, 143729, 171090, 162790, 172314, 312376, 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blog_authorship_983609	The Day After Yesterday, I had my second interview with <PERSON> and it went well. Though I don't really expect to get hired. The other interviewees seemed much more adapted to that kind of work. Hopefully I'm just fooling myself. I pick up <PERSON> from the airport today, hopefully. I worry that the flight might delayed because her visa in China ran out yesterday and that can pose some problems for her departure. Though when I hear her voice from SFO I'll be feeling better. Hopefully someone other than myself is reading this because none of my friends are being updated. And no one has responded my posts for about a month. Maybe I should post a question to the internet masses? What is your favorite cartoon of all-time? Let's see if that works. [Listening to Blur's 13]	316,979	[ 316953 ]	204	[ 211621, 270109, 293215, 188611, 149421, 275661, 243348, 149423, 251652, 261015, 281336, 286881, 26586, 293200, 126134, 42575, 242211, 291304, 206335, 90403, 101095, 149295, 85480, 203024, 203341, 102676, 243956, 208996, 113195, 208881, 236768, 250853, 48424, 264325, 291350, 292841, 248819, 246141, 234930, 63222, 12321, 119059, 163109, 140491, 76422, 251125, 196467, 80433, 187151, 87286, 250473, 230794, 199501, 208242, 139862, 167411, 55541, 24855, 230074, 257541, 65581, 272342, 209420, 296860, 117027, 296582, 13716, 200135, 293199, 116411, 247514, 133909, 58108, 142329, 297644, 162491, 77053, 175751, 13712, 156801, 9266, 242604, 189335, 313839, 158014, 141980, 14955, 10073, 72645, 187644, 73051, 4687, 84788, 307462, 26755, 47685, 166138, 233692, 150320, 168542, 281967, 248911, 182942, 199613, 199038, 173282, 264133, 258772, 191661, 290797, 207777, 37311, 60411, 164204, 298880, 282515, 296174, 308839, 172276, 254075, 295451, 198749, 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blog_authorship_983609	Update So I didn't get this job at Biola. They just strung me along for a ride for about two months before I saw the mail this morning and received a letter finally telling me that I'm not good enough. They could have at least called me and saved themselves 34 cents. My money situation is very bad right now and I'm continuing my job search with the direction of applying at as many school districts as I can. I should be able to get a job as a substitute. Anything to get me out of this house. In other news, <PERSON> is a Cub again. I would write more about this but life sucks too much.	316,980	[ 316953 ]	204	[ 9735, 25126, 111302, 234610, 11033, 63886, 130577, 147163, 135091, 304782, 124872, 10535, 173081, 114464, 140490, 186851, 195641, 205770, 310148, 58108, 128450, 201939, 5268, 256562, 85471, 228371, 176789, 198176, 217661, 292699, 231169, 295490, 259198, 206640, 128433, 277009, 75778, 201720, 120577, 254261, 249678, 176416, 124860, 258713, 190688, 63395, 12887, 19681, 211687, 163206, 286182, 21193, 1535, 160913, 35056, 238169, 72613, 295765, 149423, 200442, 287891, 201877, 50810, 315280, 269570, 158409, 60013, 201796, 228902, 115362, 186474, 238170, 285841, 137024, 166954, 104484, 219199, 99532, 61442, 111421, 15415, 241044, 135941, 314020, 310541, 148625, 149420, 195811, 209798, 145760, 2143, 65100, 75784, 110823, 227860, 315326, 313114, 272799, 111745, 198082, 228380, 195402, 121833, 274082, 295439, 146412, 287606, 220379, 70294, 279327, 63176, 162019, 211014, 66586, 276682, 217182, 121984, 28421, 158477, 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blog_authorship_983609	I feel wronged. I know I did everything that I could have possibly done in my relationship with <PERSON> to make things work. To show her how much I love her and care for her. I wonder if I was in her situation and she was in mine would she would do the same as I did for her? Was I fooled? Was I blind to what was really going on? Was I taken advantage of? And what do I do now? Do I continue to love her as before? Should I wait? There is a battle in me fighting for what would be right and good and for what God wants me to do. She said that God revealed to her that we are not suppose to be together. Why didn't He tell me this? In fact, I felt God told me the exact opposite. I cannot reconcile this in my head or my heart. So do I protect my heart or risk it being tortured some more? I've been told a lot of different things and I don't know who to believe. I almost wish that she cheated on me or found someone else or any number of other reasons that could have happened. At least I could deal with that. She still has my heart. And I don't want it back.	316,981	[ 316960, 316953, 316946, 316944, 316955, 316949 ]	31	[ 238853, 101093, 158144, 265899, 196523, 150289, 259140, 173388, 208988, 196099, 205629, 166429, 292401, 224278, 241083, 241082, 235826, 59778, 204605, 230039, 261319, 50303, 138311, 315205, 59775, 272454, 298901, 252150, 170045, 295054, 251576, 204121, 4433, 313687, 266471, 239848, 121513, 191715, 139321, 245174, 288744, 98880, 245936, 299926, 226408, 259147, 209339, 185644, 85447, 248141, 306298, 233438, 55212, 990, 188126, 272344, 222814, 278230, 54462, 275094, 158445, 224280, 262221, 295765, 277551, 174035, 69854, 136278, 216851, 315117, 18586, 274008, 225047, 158464, 254409, 89526, 53004, 77255, 216854, 27349, 291893, 187758, 234362, 139306, 227279, 309661, 192981, 274392, 295094, 264299, 254416, 62258, 279314, 242517, 254418, 166337, 237817, 298951, 60164, 274391, 139291, 63905, 305601, 188080, 307255, 234733, 230046, 148651, 262695, 59767, 262228, 17591, 258620, 307918, 315115, 313724, 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blog_authorship_983609	How It Started When I was 7 or 8 years old, I loved to throw a racket ball against our chimney outside and play catch with myself. I spent hours at a time doing this. Using a glove I've had for about 4 years at that point, I worked on my hand-eye coordination to prepare for little league. One day I was playing just as i have been many days before and threw it in such a way that i bounced that racket ball into the alley right behind our house. Now, i have done this many times before hand but this day was different. i went to retrieve the ball and noticed at black audio tape right against the wall of the karate studio that was the other side of the alley. I venture over 20 feet out of my way and pick up this tape that is says, ' The Who - Who's Last'.	316,982	[ 316944, 316948, 316954, 316958, 316950, 316955, 316947, 316961, 316956, 316957, 316946, 316952, 316945, 316959, 316951 ]	95	[ 200448, 192405, 233236, 175674, 180178, 88767, 295579, 91931, 195005, 2422, 304596, 101460, 39455, 278903, 239668, 148577, 208521, 213917, 213919, 316444, 101482, 149725, 41105, 26871, 280613, 222870, 61321, 296397, 83806, 75103, 207761, 111602, 142265, 144349, 147310, 110844, 219529, 149055, 310716, 81400, 82510, 156598, 224392, 42462, 226049, 213644, 213027, 58488, 167382, 223996, 73800, 230075, 284491, 263395, 309736, 83828, 35599, 293677, 248554, 434, 52702, 261099, 277124, 311034, 225238, 21028, 252736, 4998, 268906, 113475, 272046, 43114, 291993, 159727, 55925, 24534, 230251, 185737, 12589, 59546, 241672, 42528, 48741, 245296, 19066, 240513, 111088, 149426, 232326, 90824, 237525, 35720, 108918, 275298, 203134, 269269, 276221, 68442, 297723, 195007, 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blog_authorship_983609	wow. I haven't posted in a long time. I have been pretty busy at work yet there have been plenty of times to write. It's just hard to start writing when you have not done it in awhile. I've been reading a lot about <PERSON> lately. Someone needs to make a movie about him. This Saturday will be six months since I started dating <PERSON>. In hindsight, comparing these last six months to the one's previous, is like comparing night and day. I can't believe how lucky I am.	316,983	[ 316953 ]	249	[ 295466, 205739, 191680, 219000, 111142, 253378, 277773, 68170, 221535, 310050, 260385, 126873, 170242, 255069, 76303, 111585, 172352, 137187, 225872, 128815, 108941, 142000, 61346, 195407, 218034, 227912, 190920, 47209, 110896, 185067, 111141, 241577, 176578, 116438, 232210, 201923, 216538, 173546, 166954, 35840, 63298, 202557, 150246, 58222, 282958, 175776, 190926, 63351, 313187, 64506, 259603, 55550, 31526, 292699, 316813, 287871, 296960, 161200, 307192, 283889, 140492, 135686, 132693, 150286, 62292, 269044, 277511, 258313, 150928, 288054, 42568, 40309, 224636, 78952, 267162, 17098, 184398, 69795, 290823, 5349, 167418, 184584, 47626, 315124, 217156, 264613, 301496, 145805, 188074, 17010, 125021, 237850, 227499, 289620, 309788, 304954, 42689, 206119, 55661, 124970, 125013, 42412, 65258, 145889, 111412, 140994, 52205, 112090, 86684, 307193, 176207, 144082, 124814, 267685, 286815, 172618, 161293, 49299, 175105, 140484, 184545, 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blog_authorship_983609	The Tree urlLink On Friday morning at the Blue Bayou, my safe house in Whittier, part of the tree in the backyard fell. It looks like it caused by rot. Now there is no shade for the porch. Too bad. Just another brick in the wall for our friends. Life has been hard and this tree is symbolic of what we are all going through.  urlLink urlLink another view  urlLink urlLink another view  urlLink urlLink the problem  urlLink urlLink from above  urlLink	316,984	[ 316953, 316952 ]	50	[ 39263, 90399, 284004, 22908, 249580, 28722, 249524, 98417, 274457, 177624, 294618, 280692, 274462, 255909, 9924, 236886, 49108, 86995, 147647, 255907, 229847, 22947, 281071, 281056, 60389, 92244, 146809, 281968, 226023, 262934, 17811, 279231, 45550, 290595, 141015, 242035, 273007, 28679, 43399, 30893, 9936, 74106, 60479, 17900, 269511, 22801, 226026, 208540, 22802, 283131, 81387, 270327, 141348, 288086, 161259, 262742, 226799, 92241, 160593, 315230, 95186, 285135, 91303, 4058, 237644, 56560, 285935, 146808, 296245, 276573, 22803, 222332, 284003, 94059, 60403, 28723, 22804, 290731, 279989, 188535, 284012, 250503, 290448, 89315, 223573, 268533, 93842, 15283, 208539, 264668, 220876, 14873, 93897, 273423, 75995, 142025, 219480, 257305, 45690, 93856, 247733, 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blog_authorship_983609	So I got a call today from my boss and he told me not to come into work on Monday. I knew I was laid off but was told earlier that I would be working till the end of the month. Now I am officially jobless again. It's just another brink in the wall. It's been a pretty rough month for my friends and I. Lots of bad stuff happening. But that's life. So who wants to hire me?	316,985	[ 316953 ]	204	[ 232178, 295163, 270488, 180353, 140422, 111718, 158445, 171476, 285851, 226582, 109619, 201348, 239229, 286138, 147207, 47977, 274694, 264275, 313758, 175692, 256632, 160923, 116534, 28459, 230400, 138724, 314051, 224423, 139522, 158490, 8117, 20514, 219671, 37022, 307253, 172138, 149634, 58202, 119924, 282010, 276846, 72877, 83096, 217839, 158484, 37045, 307936, 243037, 275926, 110897, 221394, 158498, 272283, 155601, 287898, 258870, 215131, 204311, 221407, 51399, 304694, 160197, 31952, 109535, 227865, 307279, 210388, 236888, 99413, 147848, 302247, 284655, 201331, 146263, 164436, 1626, 28587, 199642, 160787, 121848, 140744, 136672, 77100, 262464, 289062, 210744, 298966, 307925, 157869, 309431, 149642, 242784, 251125, 201109, 145310, 201332, 187343, 189161, 82383, 922, 184587, 119914, 125168, 157796, 198741, 44760, 109578, 114845, 315179, 259727, 199740, 212310, 75125, 102652, 167409, 235899, 69679, 299526, 302717, 212321, 265092, 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blog_authorship_983609	Do you ever go through some days that you suddenly feel the weight of everything in your world come down on you? Days that seem if one brick in the wall that you trying to build is not there that your whole world is going to fall? I felt that around 10:30pm tonight. I start my EMT classes on the 17th of August, which is conducted on every Tuesday and Thursday from 5pm to 9:30pm. And it looks like, because of the schedule, that I will not be able attend <PERSON>'s Wedding. I can't miss a class. I'm also waiting to see if I get a substitute teaching job in Whittier. This will(God willing) provide my income to live in the Whittier area. It would be awesome for all this to work out.	316,986	[ 316953 ]	222	[ 158047, 114412, 198161, 165297, 9329, 165303, 111393, 154643, 114415, 8186, 109451, 170718, 4405, 259945, 132984, 34024, 150706, 277808, 270322, 304877, 56136, 314916, 167566, 143952, 54451, 313700, 253014, 129141, 243932, 55828, 157127, 82600, 285138, 298702, 152667, 149571, 114405, 216819, 213577, 149242, 207026, 263689, 298671, 26962, 295883, 287570, 187147, 241030, 118247, 197551, 23264, 220578, 140918, 16806, 315116, 165274, 255598, 61186, 300962, 314979, 283400, 47975, 304863, 307197, 300124, 193867, 193247, 114426, 298661, 158080, 188118, 204309, 158487, 198164, 252677, 110459, 184067, 214984, 208153, 10358, 258313, 109672, 269581, 9366, 5396, 77073, 24488, 304640, 238100, 259154, 165316, 9356, 44516, 128854, 179227, 72788, 114418, 52400, 181608, 151790, 304899, 82589, 13982, 294897, 200654, 82504, 132980, 195861, 121363, 89268, 228371, 156124, 161472, 139963, 157110, 309655, 266660, 179549, 2652, 201937, 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blog_authorship_983609	I got a job for the next month. This is really nice seeing that if I get hired fo substitute teaching I will not be working till September. I will be taking inventory for Media warehouse, 40 hours a week, from 4:30pm to 1:00 am. I miss being in Maine right now. But not so much for the actual location. August 21 cannot come soon enough. I'm try to write this essay on love right now but my thoughts are all over the place. I'll post it when I get it done. urlLink <PERSON> is back from Guati. Good times.	316,987	[ 316953 ]	73	[ 241071, 154569, 228333, 113562, 276894, 189676, 175675, 200665, 292699, 293897, 12350, 300510, 280854, 280964, 52777, 158047, 181990, 276873, 254595, 184022, 254578, 24498, 294418, 216497, 117321, 197783, 26962, 243468, 158483, 128320, 210388, 17621, 181138, 158440, 184001, 276874, 186763, 261138, 236857, 315301, 216528, 111148, 222535, 249731, 268393, 249858, 201857, 123985, 163348, 60013, 50084, 244524, 96652, 250896, 265079, 140487, 170106, 217182, 199726, 304782, 137054, 44257, 305002, 211758, 301621, 233718, 270488, 10305, 306168, 194846, 219671, 8116, 299538, 287756, 302326, 157443, 144278, 243512, 111588, 201799, 215074, 144631, 50079, 79577, 109673, 316768, 50073, 227892, 125213, 144601, 39798, 133917, 74989, 313063, 239879, 296951, 263057, 255752, 233729, 291562, 287870, 47896, 62026, 201847, 271958, 121846, 252528, 177688, 110897, 313061, 307166, 298899, 90397, 158461, 222559, 110797, 137080, 221777, 238169, 283036, 239370, 112146, 224994, 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blog_authorship_983609	I'm at Disneyland with nothing too profound to say. I feel like I've been on a road trip the last little while, so I feel it's appropriate to blog about my adventures. I had a deep fried twinkie yesterday at the fair in V-town. The fair was fun. I rode on the Chris Faris Wheel. There was a ride there called Magnum. It spun in circles and featured <PERSON> face- for serious. I also say my grandma. She seems sad. It brings me down. She's got cancer, for those of you who don't know. Pray for her. <PERSON> is hugging me right now. It is nice. The Dodgers are 30-10 in their last 40. Pretty good. They've really suffered since the trade. Bachin' this weekend. I stand to win lots of dough. I stand to sweat much. Then it's off to Seattle... and back... and off to a wedding... then Hawaii again... then Bridge School... then Colorado... then Brazil... then Costa Rica... eat my shorts FOO. Hugs and Humps- Jessers	316,988	[ 316953 ]	165	[ 287878, 25980, 212547, 313820, 263297, 247539, 16316, 36648, 300387, 313838, 72037, 157231, 304842, 193651, 283879, 70412, 43140, 153218, 243652, 101130, 281567, 260160, 206397, 216218, 54426, 196935, 250822, 239877, 159841, 186246, 42700, 243848, 284374, 302778, 74521, 158125, 306778, 140030, 253367, 125044, 183395, 125035, 201106, 224984, 162211, 226292, 188964, 143016, 166348, 136268, 223928, 215075, 124463, 153623, 293862, 208174, 271093, 161279, 236378, 177224, 145837, 309363, 236882, 222341, 161387, 182943, 207503, 150325, 195988, 266893, 302292, 174222, 149700, 125414, 187644, 919, 311213, 305643, 126826, 153749, 68483, 184569, 121380, 135455, 224094, 62296, 162861, 283889, 263301, 208232, 918, 29102, 251247, 276834, 111751, 230036, 193043, 162794, 260614, 297896, 302043, 170602, 262001, 214427, 270137, 309356, 37165, 185364, 161423, 235436, 247569, 186870, 274953, 259607, 175454, 202894, 151972, 133120, 153356, 208215, 87228, 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blog_authorship_983609	well, i'm hitting the road on monday. it'll be a good trip i've decided as the locations grow and so do the miles. i'm not really finding the direct route from stanwood, wa to philadelphia, but that's ok. i went shooting today with my brother-in-law up on alger mtn. there's a pair of gravel pits there we always go. pretty nice to shoot stuff with guns. we've found that bowling pins are the best targets. they don't break apart because of the plastic casing and are made of oak so they're strong and heavy and reusable. i'm not sure how many other good uses there are in the world for bowling pins, but i'm sure there's quite a few. perhaps i'll name some now. -you can bowl with them -with enough of them you can use them as weights to drown things in rivers or whatever -they'd break a window -i think they would work as a peg leg if attached just below the knee -modern art -you can make funny looking people if you have a sharpie and a bowling pin -a few bowling pins and you can fashion a makeshift crucifix -try carrying a couple bowling pins when you run, the pounds will melt off like butter -they're good for target shooting -they'll pass for a last minute trophy if necessary (sharpie also needed for this application of the bowling pin) -good for testing gravity ...and these are just a few things i can figure off the top of my head. try making your own list of interesting things bowling pins are good for...you'll be surprised!!!!!	316,989	[ 316952 ]	214	[ 83816, 83806, 43958, 308868, 91602, 14333, 314969, 217319, 196818, 135624, 14630, 16463, 249655, 224032, 57090, 32995, 166463, 315843, 310267, 57119, 298262, 289201, 204256, 113565, 277732, 40533, 224517, 258279, 328, 253020, 287715, 247063, 204563, 288387, 247879, 274508, 187059, 268010, 37982, 317039, 136349, 181531, 144312, 57099, 173532, 175578, 56770, 35720, 21016, 168459, 269888, 262256, 83815, 238820, 211493, 289640, 16459, 291337, 101571, 30300, 238826, 254557, 177173, 14321, 57073, 286205, 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blog_authorship_983609	<PERSON> - I wanted to thank you so so much for monopolizing my entire day (the part not spent drinking coffee, smoking or reading urlLink fark ) by sharing with me your access to the audio archives of the urlLink coast to coast radio program. though i will certainly devote more hours (and by hours i mean entire nights follwed by red-eyed mornings) listening to <PERSON> and <PERSON> and their frequently odd and semi-quixotic guest talk about the fringe of reality, (and by reality i mean the stuff we actually think is true... like giants) i wish that there was a way that i could do the whole thing at once. unfortunately i have to drive to pasadena now and spend time with real life people eating non-organic and super fatty foods. the <PERSON> have invited me up to see them while they are in town and i must heed the call. but when i get back i am going to listen to the totality of the july 28th 2004 show... you should as well. wish me luck among the fringe shadow cars lurking on the evil 605 freeway farewell	316,990	[ 316953 ]	14	[ 55994, 174475, 128490, 4105, 269165, 244058, 300313, 225979, 180591, 143065, 112812, 238703, 115728, 101291, 35698, 29347, 162243, 171377, 158487, 176528, 260181, 106405, 775, 261293, 207082, 278329, 301466, 306377, 147719, 3452, 174484, 32764, 267043, 201928, 212145, 290195, 206031, 308354, 142848, 210051, 224815, 300887, 155459, 274877, 163475, 257097, 274302, 307544, 145799, 83162, 120989, 159127, 157227, 148560, 278499, 257417, 307825, 53431, 311383, 97225, 32746, 233650, 17211, 210703, 202551, 160609, 161438, 66178, 148959, 246414, 202108, 315669, 253315, 37294, 182153, 199317, 35565, 169185, 166498, 313124, 207619, 255382, 160960, 202801, 143060, 317015, 254628, 189297, 182171, 141992, 302341, 304943, 32752, 24395, 149233, 109486, 37598, 5235, 205936, 202522, 186548, 13981, 24504, 293812, 90222, 269631, 299862, 270488, 12452, 222141, 276097, 287932, 296385, 46222, 103615, 275796, 251125, 176832, 167408, 216319, 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blog_authorship_983609	I sat in the middle of hwy 90 and watched blue planes loudly fly over my head. it sounded like they were ripping the sky in two. they blew smoke out their butts and twisted around, upside down. it was neat. blue angels. seafair 2004. it made me confident that with these machines we can kick anybody's ass in the world and make them go deaf at the same time. hung out with b. he's almost philly-bound. i will miss him. it will be cool though, because <PERSON> and i will be able to see him a decent amount when we move to nyc. i am going to go play horse. i am better than you are. so stick it, foo'!	316,991	null	152	[ 154332, 125687, 308393, 141186, 266478, 258871, 8443, 52029, 303012, 264606, 179564, 248968, 221100, 310514, 189041, 278913, 191885, 136208, 261129, 275550, 58985, 165710, 30278, 32616, 287002, 270523, 181272, 51543, 226314, 249731, 274041, 117789, 204012, 156370, 304897, 182744, 199772, 216652, 215132, 80407, 237639, 235212, 224543, 51587, 284579, 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blog_authorship_983609	I started jump roping a few days a go. I did not realize how much jump roping will hurt one's back. Gosh dang, my back is really sore this mid-morning. I don't even really care if I have a sexy looking back or not. Really, the only thing that is worth working on are the abs. If you have healthy potent abs, you're good to go. Pecks are a close second. Pecks and abs, a cup of coffee and <PERSON> covering Sweet Thing is all I need. Two out of four isn't too bad. <PERSON> illegally downloaded <PERSON> singing Moon River . It is so very good. I'm going to the Dodger game toninght. It should be fun. It always is. I drove Boyz to Men to the House of Blues last night. They were all very nice, though they couldn't stop beat boxing and harmonizing. Honestly- everything from the Motel Six jingly (complete with <PERSON> impressions) to Everly Brothers' to simple, normal conversations. They handed out roses during their big hit that sounds like a <PERSON> song. <PERSON> was there, big hair and all. It was good. Pray for my Grandma. Hugs and Kisses. <PERSON>	316,992	null	251	[ 261, 85845, 138860, 277337, 80905, 308014, 187687, 193331, 254524, 26832, 292506, 53921, 76287, 268528, 315701, 309363, 207456, 311156, 9603, 139925, 190564, 208215, 21719, 120144, 63192, 296963, 314290, 161489, 259009, 26094, 130541, 62581, 51758, 292512, 9810, 293897, 251488, 311249, 138818, 21235, 275910, 51752, 288342, 63918, 252552, 284144, 125780, 276330, 111140, 51733, 173403, 250983, 243796, 10850, 8795, 236848, 79080, 26613, 24513, 110742, 290860, 142787, 210388, 30282, 26867, 149121, 135540, 168410, 51045, 315832, 200882, 161681, 259011, 226479, 293466, 14347, 227959, 135554, 160922, 20974, 114843, 125073, 263425, 64438, 1759, 277166, 295658, 197750, 162775, 177071, 206490, 63265, 136243, 185088, 173443, 55287, 9722, 63222, 60872, 270158, 105243, 161591, 310047, 316803, 276848, 45212, 138904, 218057, 173492, 187624, 172370, 299178, 204843, 111697, 283249, 90353, 4654, 215506, 198129, 143028, 201968, 158590, 292510, 269781, 241084, 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blog_authorship_986006	someone once said that <PERSON> is a great sociologist. i think that might have been <PERSON>...anyway, it's true. he watches our trend patterns and trips us up in the worst way possible. i don't know everything that's been going down, and i don't need to know. but GOD DID NOT GIVE US A SPIRIT OF TIMIDITY...we are here to fight the good fight. please pray for us as we are all battling our own demons. i know that i, personally, forget how real spiritual warfare is, and that there's a constant battle for our souls. what a great Dad we have upstairs. psalm 60:12 says, 'With God we will gain the victory, and he will trample down our enemies.' i belive this to the fullest and i know just as the flowers in the field, and the birds of the air, He will meet our every need. thanks to everyone who has supported us financially, through prayer and encouragment.	316,993	null	31	[ 210369, 289843, 162148, 214931, 313707, 47406, 255599, 165260, 131958, 202780, 260032, 47216, 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blog_authorship_986006	today all the girls got to move across campus into apartments!! we are so blessed to have such a ridonkulous amount of spacious goodness, and a beautiful view of the lake/pond thingy. props to all the men here...they were all amazing in helping us pack up our millions of shoes and make up bags. they even carried purses. it was magical. ps. here's a sweet verse i wanted to share. enjoy! Romans 15:5-6 (NASV) 'For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragment of the scriptures we might have hope. May the God who gives endurance and encouragment give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow <PERSON>, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord <PERSON>.	316,994	null	151	[ 241014, 269303, 138118, 179606, 177591, 21922, 245979, 241010, 90130, 271335, 130657, 47406, 48173, 104016, 214931, 671, 214936, 108959, 301610, 138130, 213499, 582, 271364, 301242, 166485, 56567, 130712, 91355, 16208, 299441, 131771, 234201, 100152, 93951, 46916, 295582, 76768, 270651, 210218, 273867, 108965, 46913, 251826, 196462, 56586, 209689, 188049, 76915, 306370, 208626, 255592, 248856, 179569, 248836, 82522, 255598, 78025, 151801, 271329, 255628, 292279, 255618, 145041, 179068, 228402, 190665, 170670, 254818, 131299, 260381, 80262, 130701, 276660, 203013, 100010, 269301, 246797, 59647, 131020, 269302, 165293, 209687, 269307, 219113, 83699, 155057, 165264, 181162, 187085, 90239, 245621, 192390, 138110, 260366, 98015, 108953, 228398, 301609, 23668, 299447, 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blog_authorship_986006	Went to Chicago this weekend with the D-group. We got this sweet deal at the Westin, a nice 5-star hotel right on the Chicago River, with many ritzing posh people staring at us poor college students with our Jansport backpacks and Thrift Store t-shirts. It was way amusing, especially hearing our neighbor's phone conversation about the 3 pairs of shoes he bought 'for only $1600.' Sheesh... some people just need to write a check to OU with my name on it so I can get to class!.... Anyways.... Went to the Sears Tower, John Hancock center (went to the 95th floor and to take pictures), the Art Institute, the Chicago Public Library (biggest library in the nation), Navy Pier, and, by far the coolest thing ever: WRIGLEY FIELD! That has been my dream since a baby, and I got a picture outside of it with a sign that said 'Hey Dad' to send to my dad for Father's Day. It was so great. I have a completely new appreciation for public transportation, that's for sure. But anyway.... we're starting our fourth week here in Elgin, and it's been great... besides the hordes of pre-teens who have moved into Judson for soccer camp. There were about a billion moms in vans dropping off their soccer kids.... I could just imagine them saying 'soccer' with an Illinois accent.. you know what I mean. Other than that chaos it's been pretty great. Well, I've ramled on enough. I'm off to start some intense inductive that I need to get done by tomorrow!	316,995	null	233	[ 167429, 209215, 149075, 1348, 302592, 43794, 142787, 216053, 307976, 247495, 272980, 231719, 247212, 237214, 80634, 185012, 257425, 211701, 188860, 276916, 59715, 257782, 266454, 114924, 176409, 172222, 63861, 218167, 265765, 67655, 185030, 31611, 179087, 274872, 68273, 222358, 121542, 82264, 142811, 247906, 34123, 311804, 158424, 276906, 25131, 139404, 42622, 307834, 105243, 157065, 133957, 102674, 313089, 212869, 183935, 310417, 304943, 257325, 30281, 169531, 125386, 125355, 196484, 122033, 179281, 13415, 597, 58466, 32771, 191943, 230041, 294170, 146737, 171885, 196549, 181952, 16797, 176380, 304959, 202917, 135733, 402, 283306, 228458, 43044, 12802, 271192, 169472, 241946, 67239, 209177, 67232, 301148, 44800, 306854, 77380, 124902, 220336, 149108, 272913, 34060, 309810, 179952, 128974, 68604, 145755, 181981, 731, 238223, 202910, 246285, 150070, 313151, 262463, 9787, 149106, 232953, 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blog_authorship_986006	This last weekend was D-Group weekend. All the groups went on some sort of road-trip/outing fri. night through Sunday night. Most of them got a phat deal on a hotel of _URL_0_... and toured the downtown area. I went to the famous metroplex of Des Moines, Ia to hang out with my grandpa. One the way home I stoppped by the place where they filmed ' urlLink Feild of Dreams ' It was pretty cool! I even bought some 'Dream Dirt' from the gift shop...	316,996	null	91	[ 176388, 110817, 310782, 232830, 241272, 199099, 75127, 9755, 1350, 150325, 306665, 48881, 171367, 59467, 206425, 183076, 146264, 250722, 20407, 161367, 58286, 207409, 100550, 274135, 195619, 39455, 72986, 206417, 310724, 111170, 39464, 88025, 9830, 161328, 154753, 267305, 28217, 142709, 237214, 255252, 178417, 64441, 128974, 49418, 5308, 309482, 208547, 71486, 261762, 68416, 275615, 42687, 160368, 8069, 100625, 137298, 20151, 59534, 11376, 119956, 166136, 97614, 20515, 247490, 306772, 203800, 133729, 43794, 48380, 313552, 310943, 313626, 17841, 7077, 223391, 73720, 228436, 146967, 77022, 276842, 173714, 191876, 100587, 187013, 148504, 98963, 233708, 234253, 175374, 173768, 9567, 220785, 309497, 18002, 63949, 287517, 210385, 182992, 218025, 267813, 240315, 204927, 246494, 231467, 152575, 231719, 183063, 183070, 195596, 219354, 225833, 43819, 276835, 117253, 299089, 310928, 289225, 188924, 260548, 5282, 188211, 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blog_authorship_986006	Right now it's 5:45 in the morning. <PERSON> and I are staffing the fitness center here at Judson. The fitness center isn't open in the summers, but we persuaded them to let us in in the mornings for just the project to use it. Well, after much hassle with going through all the proper channels etc, we come to work out yesterday, and they didn't tell us that the free weight room is being remodeled. So, Since the weight room is out of commission, we're left with some elyptical machines and some cable weights. What's so funny about this post, you ask yourself? 34 people raised there hand to say they wanted to work out here, but right now I'm watching <PERSON> do push-ups, and <PERSON> on the elyptical....	316,997	null	251	[ 309491, 23053, 278996, 108592, 171500, 225840, 316457, 177695, 316401, 225785, 96670, 12499, 178162, 61517, 101304, 203007, 101317, 72646, 60375, 213543, 316458, 232455, 166932, 314607, 161859, 71583, 116535, 161280, 211904, 51752, 298588, 168542, 284648, 211787, 39595, 137892, 12452, 158255, 24501, 266491, 261140, 35333, 184296, 51745, 68747, 277159, 145876, 210388, 237727, 68031, 238087, 141264, 172909, 68746, 63200, 20529, 9720, 207077, 17823, 152484, 188680, 114843, 231406, 47893, 119444, 111410, 75125, 253018, 253455, 265408, 138754, 228336, 251699, 173092, 187350, 274252, 218861, 63213, 186127, 24604, 207336, 203301, 164036, 116962, 84793, 157885, 213530, 49348, 258927, 240515, 138915, 173081, 161591, 160915, 89809, 63914, 67281, 140927, 105243, 25278, 90460, 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blog_authorship_986006	Okay...this is going to sound really cheesy, but tonight was the first night I felt like I could call Judson, 'home.' We had a fiesta night, donned with crepe paper, tacos and a human pinata!--and the feel of the room was so real...like a family. 'Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.' Colossians 3:15	316,998	null	151	[ 257665, 48173, 219113, 53130, 8804, 300969, 207796, 286108, 232078, 259211, 157881, 164488, 177113, 157951, 94522, 108944, 157868, 32351, 208222, 33256, 114911, 210561, 63395, 204948, 177294, 135656, 62220, 236715, 213149, 182050, 313473, 180762, 191700, 217769, 271093, 205410, 184982, 104209, 197590, 208560, 256010, 215199, 158110, 206079, 166319, 165068, 196258, 265724, 165271, 96028, 286292, 54008, 193006, 130767, 100360, 257686, 138147, 131739, 26680, 92264, 233911, 230583, 123377, 181863, 188071, 147642, 203250, 63930, 286354, 157371, 169088, 295704, 257095, 240165, 317216, 306779, 107156, 65196, 8227, 145947, 236418, 142, 95422, 313748, 42829, 272007, 253296, 244080, 151792, 312125, 206307, 228439, 183395, 208216, 166176, 160241, 85931, 104008, 132417, 58178, 244835, 57688, 208839, 315152, 160568, 50336, 212012, 72709, 289056, 195909, 111434, 151501, 180891, 245542, 183878, 308469, 163151, 147645, 93400, 158444, 285007, 49961, 276406, 181105, 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blog_authorship_986006	We gave our 2 weeks notice to the boss the other day. It was terribly sad... especially since the other girls wrote a note to tell the bosses and didn't just talk to them in person. I thought that was pretty hilarious, like a break-up note or something, too shameful to talk to them in person. Anyways... I can't believe there's only 3 weeks left... or in my case, 2 weeks (I have to leave a few days early... new news for me!). This place has become so dear to me and it feels like I haven't known this whole entire time that Project Impact will end at one point. Hopefully they'll have it here again next year. BUGS. I abhor them like Romans 12:9 tells us to abhor sin... well, maybe not that much. I was sitting in my rocker chair that I found for only $7 at Goodwill facing the window, and I was munchin on some really good ice cream. Well, there was a hole in the screen, so <PERSON> thought it would be a bright idea to put our fan in front of it so the bugs wouldn't come in. Well much to our dismay this hole-covering-fan actually turned out to be a huge suction for tiny little bugs just minding their own business flying past our window. I was about to take a bite of my fudge-revel ice cream from Meijer's when I see it... it was like slow motion... this bug flying through the fan through the hole.... we made eye contact as he was hurled head first into the pit of ice cream dispair. I let out a yell like there was no tomorrow as we watched the poor creature struggle for his last breath amidst the sweet creamy pool of melted Meijer ice cream.... We taped up the hole right after that.	316,999	null	199	[ 85166, 90424, 230075, 203472, 274963, 290053, 52768, 192015, 98882, 227739, 308798, 161626, 249052, 110771, 295980, 196843, 124874, 2572, 253374, 244099, 252827, 212489, 308865, 210069, 161378, 142940, 212784, 147799, 228389, 184114, 189061, 28197, 268602, 235822, 76833, 304606, 305618, 274970, 234763, 178385, 242181, 9266, 90036, 76855, 47442, 180456, 8955, 206705, 286922, 140912, 231494, 76914, 299396, 153749, 169962, 208799, 161291, 15353, 304584, 196464, 188905, 209442, 262120, 243807, 175651, 257655, 161380, 193862, 156546, 137366, 274107, 14048, 178164, 175122, 312825, 32397, 143103, 270393, 156204, 287060, 313845, 20940, 224366, 43262, 271108, 110769, 261063, 313069, 35223, 135466, 268680, 237744, 224425, 132235, 293485, 307752, 171558, 244758, 247437, 154430, 63212, 248783, 105445, 174148, 56388, 108534, 161331, 206636, 301557, 100143, 297055, 164684, 146069, 274263, 106466, 261855, 69233, 291444, 194928, 210318, 112691, 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blog_authorship_986006	well...we have a third of the summer left. it seems so long, yet so short. i would like to share with you, my top five of the summer, so far. in no particular order. 1. the steak and shake experience. i admit, it is quite humbling working a drive thru for <PERSON>. i'm so glad i've done it. other perks include, the magical dishwashing machine you can get a facial from through the flying food particles and steam, thin and crispy fries, and the fun pins we get to add to our uniform as we get certified in different areas. sewiously. i have three, and they better not want them back. 2. campus prayer. i'm so spiritual for including this. it's been really neat learning about the lives of students around the country and knowing that we all share in the same struggles, yet are unique in our own way. 3. <PERSON> and <PERSON>. i wonder what will happen to <PERSON> and <PERSON> when the have to break-up at the end of the summer? you guys are a funny pair, though, and i'll always appreciate the time after <PERSON>'s surprise party when we shared 'special stories'. 4. deep dish pizza goodness. i couldn't make a top five and not include this. it has forever changed my life and is the passion of my heart and the theme of my praise. not unlike the holy spirit, cheesecake and kite flying. 5. the amazing two-story carousel at the st. charles mall. it was the best dollar i've ever spent. enough said.	317,000	null	208	[ 174154, 8012, 114938, 182153, 142011, 157376, 219336, 168197, 258167, 142007, 195658, 65217, 270579, 243466, 147579, 102784, 174148, 60671, 206389, 219731, 255623, 235827, 282359, 266476, 198930, 60720, 218517, 196265, 182156, 84538, 136832, 174155, 255415, 244061, 152900, 172589, 58163, 68289, 172314, 45499, 286972, 202522, 211928, 7778, 174140, 41485, 196928, 278622, 270655, 285503, 255555, 141999, 315689, 305097, 58468, 196175, 143138, 171143, 181640, 275495, 191130, 272563, 296320, 238003, 215514, 76916, 286744, 142005, 173551, 179569, 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blog_authorship_986006	today was great! really, our festivities began last night, with a paddleboat ride in st. charles. we had a boat to ourselves...very relaxing. except for those who rode the pony. i think they were pretty tired by the time we docked. :) click urlLink here to check out a few pictures. today, we had an awesome prayer walk time around campus. we had six different stations we prayed at, for missionaries from our respective college campuses. i prayer walked with miss <PERSON> and mr. <PERSON>...pretty cool. tonight we all ventured out to a park across the street from campus. we cooked hot dogs and played baseball, typical american things, in honor of the birth of our country. and don't think we didn't sing happy birthday to the u. s. of a., because we did. hope everyone had a fantastic, magical and enchanting fourth of july, as well. we're HALFWAY! i can't believe it. gotta go do more inductive...seriously. more group dates! less inductive!	317,001	null	231	[ 33266, 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blog_authorship_989359	I guess I was sort of trying to ignore it, but the fact that I still don't have a job (and my mother's forceful words) encouraged me to go to the unemployment office today. Thanks to urlLink <PERSON> for accompanying me. So, it's official I guess. I'm unemployed. Yeah, I'm actually considering taking <PERSON> up on his offer for a job at Blockbuster...if it's still good. Shit. I think I need to move out of the suburbs.	317,002	null	204	[ 82567, 158439, 254374, 308899, 174473, 149446, 243382, 289067, 174405, 146533, 28460, 273872, 12887, 147198, 268247, 299198, 158484, 295321, 112415, 128846, 109595, 158510, 18353, 52053, 241595, 65100, 203770, 300752, 238102, 69580, 297358, 224205, 137412, 236332, 232447, 304782, 10153, 119378, 235828, 10133, 198018, 142316, 209726, 160433, 108186, 99462, 162244, 292767, 269569, 272734, 11029, 242594, 293964, 10221, 162570, 220801, 149572, 304737, 201939, 145823, 20966, 239547, 166035, 158445, 119256, 241891, 50810, 165717, 149420, 137181, 150248, 140972, 210603, 39695, 137336, 103405, 261840, 293432, 135102, 176263, 111198, 18111, 88560, 271722, 219197, 63886, 158459, 209716, 145831, 276504, 221807, 281523, 15133, 281912, 67033, 140985, 186763, 111721, 187312, 64508, 111651, 227147, 216559, 230583, 111388, 85393, 295057, 24435, 200710, 12877, 259951, 110821, 204575, 9284, 304897, 127159, 161481, 124623, 121067, 158446, 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blog_authorship_989359	I'm counting the days until I get to sit at the start line. I'm pretty sure I should have heard the gunshot by now. Too bad debt creeps in without a sound and pins me for life. Back to school? Someday. Right now, I'm trying to forget through frequent use of sedatives. Take one valium down, pass the bottle around. 98 bottles of pills on the wall. I unwind the clock just to pass the time more slowly. And the sun doesn't dissapear as fast when you drive towards it at 85 miles per hour. If I could, I would chase the urlLink sun forever.	317,003	null	169	[ 237828, 271959, 64445, 236991, 268651, 229035, 8607, 253723, 209119, 281705, 31811, 206263, 82392, 222225, 160926, 247037, 134117, 305500, 222408, 199770, 209546, 121026, 174618, 58064, 193680, 52025, 118417, 271821, 242710, 214189, 254569, 280764, 101540, 292502, 207643, 328, 43015, 309735, 199371, 43100, 144017, 152603, 124752, 284546, 95444, 8023, 52726, 272631, 55150, 312561, 118636, 142828, 223580, 157168, 61052, 310735, 144133, 276512, 121056, 287907, 204902, 167395, 286363, 33936, 9169, 252318, 107918, 34960, 208171, 262620, 203150, 1038, 116371, 299533, 300988, 130484, 140270, 215244, 123096, 170834, 293170, 31894, 90407, 156239, 223576, 26659, 132750, 120149, 231729, 8020, 40811, 178152, 206165, 46840, 137201, 273130, 180629, 174300, 83701, 100406, 89504, 10213, 134276, 239865, 167138, 175419, 100358, 2010, 256278, 10280, 168900, 133625, 64436, 236186, 138588, 302561, 79640, 16667, 133450, 299477, 208207, 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blog_authorship_989359	You're Cat's Cradle ! by <PERSON> You believe quite firmly that free will deserted you long ago and far away. As a result, it's hard to take responsibility for anything. Even though you show great potential as a leader of a small 3rd world country, the choices are all made ahead of time. You're rather fond of games involving string. Your fear of nuclear weaponry is trumped only by your fear of ice. Take the urlLink book quiz if you dare.	317,004	[ 316984 ]	9	[ 197744, 28679, 115105, 126980, 87434, 281218, 206611, 102947, 295441, 258366, 80003, 160797, 242584, 315230, 160765, 262690, 160785, 252314, 183721, 167076, 90704, 242482, 10218, 303799, 212142, 298527, 29268, 79477, 161852, 257017, 108613, 88535, 197659, 61655, 69813, 61351, 175597, 161359, 149140, 145129, 185338, 155532, 172863, 228776, 43763, 10207, 207731, 79679, 86748, 200934, 280728, 261956, 211447, 260801, 315253, 63111, 59483, 236165, 215482, 193929, 176125, 259629, 284146, 282905, 115882, 60479, 269889, 10265, 199625, 280606, 272213, 238267, 93425, 192995, 55628, 257686, 93143, 61394, 68829, 167809, 16493, 35907, 258217, 160786, 199036, 115192, 182583, 244883, 310463, 317320, 104095, 130894, 313908, 290133, 272343, 228311, 66728, 163632, 10959, 10131, 212471, 56809, 109538, 136794, 145210, 160792, 62770, 104179, 26001, 281513, 280725, 44304, 299101, 60326, 316175, 228778, 181225, 148696, 10160, 120630, 172150, 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blog_authorship_989359	urlLink You ever have those days where dancing the Charleston makes you invent things? I bet you don't. I'm just not seeing it happen. That would never happen to the likes of you. Me or possibly urlLink <PERSON> ? Yes. I must informally inform you that sometimes. Things go wrong. They go way wrong, and then you realize. That you have no idea what wrong is. It's like the wrong. Is gone. And you. Are gone. Way wrong. BOY!	317,005	null	25	[ 120059, 79907, 143291, 8109, 196604, 144006, 243378, 275493, 266210, 248427, 287823, 84004, 150237, 166590, 204634, 209315, 150971, 286279, 208153, 297786, 185792, 64601, 164219, 59454, 269897, 91449, 304302, 280691, 285572, 98892, 182606, 279247, 186148, 209345, 171165, 208167, 137120, 281963, 180640, 201116, 246414, 260997, 241702, 156497, 277413, 228229, 172240, 76584, 32031, 290862, 92870, 316548, 59887, 151329, 311488, 47184, 237720, 261730, 250743, 170296, 187483, 292675, 17184, 31443, 149712, 274017, 158637, 167906, 311126, 282103, 315689, 316213, 163488, 163467, 237865, 151809, 216361, 280689, 161002, 243923, 299872, 25505, 244676, 11973, 265150, 313908, 180103, 181805, 195999, 313917, 154575, 226551, 21108, 263615, 224942, 278969, 249745, 170071, 22152, 44132, 222093, 50164, 175515, 143142, 251932, 132750, 207630, 292156, 132638, 257759, 183194, 148359, 161605, 219898, 160821, 124705, 101530, 251609, 44064, 256019, 209532, 182429, 170061, 273558, 200932, 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blog_authorship_989359	'Let that be a lesson to you sweetie. Never love anyone.' You hate people. A lot. You probably once loved someone, but something went wrong. Because of that, you now despise pretty much anyone and everyone. But while there are a ton of worthless assholes in the world, not everyone is one. There are people out there who do care. urlLink Which Advice Quote said by <PERSON> are You? brought to you by urlLink Quizilla	317,006	[ 316985, 316981, 316984, 316982, 316978, 316980 ]	232	[ 237174, 266415, 84591, 66178, 310561, 238267, 29337, 88530, 66696, 186690, 160792, 228776, 88535, 215482, 27719, 167809, 175774, 197659, 77864, 199036, 303799, 139194, 126980, 271878, 125000, 242945, 186735, 244892, 12498, 5858, 139178, 145210, 172150, 186707, 259629, 181227, 251402, 174753, 166845, 149708, 199625, 269408, 287910, 124999, 181228, 208396, 29248, 156227, 140550, 315253, 5845, 159609, 185338, 195982, 239191, 159892, 135789, 159119, 210065, 184907, 298527, 149134, 256395, 200934, 316582, 10218, 147550, 145219, 155730, 29335, 149870, 207731, 144486, 9946, 149713, 212823, 10176, 186709, 181225, 10260, 139195, 115144, 22956, 203068, 77595, 163117, 60400, 84594, 166855, 10962, 234140, 175601, 198226, 286143, 10150, 10197, 160794, 31708, 166842, 256403, 315865, 186744, 265893, 150536, 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blog_authorship_989359	So, <PERSON>'s found a distributor. Not so much as found, but his friends at Mirimax, the <PERSON> bros., formed their own company to release the film. What the hell? If only it were that easy for a lone film graduate from SIUC. All I've been thinking about lately is the fact that I don't even have a camera or any equipment at all to be able to continue any of this creativity leaking out of my ears and nose directly from me brains. So, if any of you out there want to invest in a pretty damn good filmmaker, SEND MONEY NOW. Maybe someday <PERSON> and Mirimax and the <PERSON> bros. will be helping me to get distribution for my controversial documentary. A girl can dream.	317,007	[ 316977 ]	160	[ 212399, 81638, 88544, 295171, 214980, 312154, 307298, 6309, 199053, 135311, 307300, 270742, 10230, 81272, 122344, 251392, 240983, 265290, 105141, 236979, 124935, 178018, 112113, 140948, 83556, 63274, 264608, 251394, 17117, 171482, 241083, 78551, 110853, 63351, 240079, 89958, 87473, 179263, 87377, 164180, 93363, 136471, 165158, 214909, 62182, 291144, 93349, 110895, 61108, 270110, 299744, 28287, 93326, 238108, 214020, 199735, 98147, 178747, 299733, 300787, 258705, 11371, 174910, 309864, 314306, 191967, 214988, 266704, 179720, 68037, 254906, 202139, 110800, 81278, 111149, 95307, 309764, 215259, 80381, 148967, 185021, 165012, 235412, 44066, 135204, 13207, 11142, 184528, 200664, 74443, 15144, 144618, 17605, 191759, 269835, 236858, 168398, 60311, 2704, 137033, 195495, 59473, 267057, 30299, 29355, 4324, 63278, 140443, 224138, 236558, 39235, 182932, 212316, 306494, 245401, 164171, 216849, 311193, 180259, 287636, 100541, 246340, 53155, 228617, 113287, 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blog_authorship_989359	I feel like I walk a thin line living at my house. It's a line shaped like a figure eight and I'm destined to walk it forever. I'm tired of fighting, tired of 'respecting', tired of living here. It's ridiculous, the words that are exchanged in this house. Does it really matter when a 24 year old comes home at night? I'm not 15, nor do I think I should follow rules obviously intended for a 15 year old. Goddamn, I have to get out of here.	317,008	[ 316985, 316983 ]	13	[ 108505, 20438, 24460, 22141, 150592, 249737, 70089, 116360, 194895, 50719, 89914, 175803, 270779, 52286, 47629, 40060, 187321, 174746, 76636, 170282, 153134, 89677, 184110, 121455, 15638, 112112, 76624, 308733, 191162, 179894, 101479, 79577, 299365, 190561, 184093, 102706, 138957, 76256, 300444, 172929, 260623, 71831, 228987, 210685, 301455, 288344, 76616, 271735, 292172, 120651, 143450, 35926, 240896, 299504, 105264, 147071, 254582, 184025, 160770, 230686, 81931, 69615, 213576, 192033, 174549, 274766, 101586, 123209, 50271, 154453, 69651, 44739, 195105, 210808, 62486, 272216, 223494, 207504, 190428, 226190, 303215, 127238, 210104, 287308, 278362, 209582, 103732, 177481, 10873, 8281, 137393, 152186, 1759, 128109, 104571, 285091, 216537, 231478, 171806, 182188, 155424, 288915, 125628, 152260, 111486, 184568, 313609, 138768, 157122, 279099, 1520, 280074, 268027, 152900, 180956, 202904, 64604, 280021, 277552, 157515, 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blog_authorship_989359	Yeah, I'm a huge fan of the original Star Wars Trilogy. And, hey...The newest franchise <PERSON> is working on happens to be associated with some of my favorite films of all time.  And just so everyone knows, yes, I am excited (sort of) about Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith (the official title announced this past weekend at the comic-con in San Diego...another good reason to move there) and it's scheduled for release on May 19, 2005. It may be a shitfest of crappy dialogue and computer generated effects, but I'm still going to go see it...even if <PERSON> will never be allowed in my house again.	317,009	[ 316977 ]	246	[ 95341, 56221, 875, 64430, 154211, 296793, 45154, 311739, 83565, 199052, 223393, 63376, 106154, 287865, 53660, 295492, 110461, 42265, 97980, 61994, 185442, 222259, 22399, 122500, 312528, 142021, 230267, 154178, 51018, 295463, 72699, 161916, 1010, 165158, 176857, 125971, 108188, 152101, 142666, 164171, 95045, 88038, 126647, 8613, 79131, 144964, 124037, 79247, 98159, 148033, 312604, 146976, 105373, 98664, 99672, 64476, 280072, 98582, 20765, 103906, 99803, 47963, 297401, 125077, 48512, 99720, 50448, 293852, 237609, 53990, 28385, 133580, 64429, 308903, 302668, 176798, 141230, 40526, 1462, 144948, 305907, 99692, 261111, 94321, 83011, 297309, 239703, 28125, 85079, 99633, 121103, 116837, 144973, 98543, 307481, 205734, 240526, 79209, 199009, 115862, 199038, 176832, 129262, 112425, 142662, 156524, 64485, 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blog_authorship_989359	I found myself enjoying a documentary tonight. Not that this is odd...considering the fact that I love documentaries. This one was centered around one man's roadtrip across country. The urlLink first roadtrip , infact. It got me thinking about last summer, when I took a roadtrip with urlLink Susan and this other urlLink cat . I miss the open road. Or, how about getting flooded out in New Orleans, camping in the middle of the desert in New Mexico, peeing over the side of the Grand Canyon, or seeing the Pacific...I miss it all. And, damn I'd like to do it again. Anything other than sitting here, typing this. Hell, I'd settle for driving to <PERSON>'s house...which is what I'm about to do. Anyway. This documentary was mighty good. It was done by <PERSON> and <PERSON> was the voice of <PERSON>. I recommend it, and if you haven't already noticed the other two links, urlLink here's another one. And if you can, I also recommend you get out of the house, stop reading this...go west young man...go west!	317,010	[ 316977 ]	233	[ 307277, 261096, 173078, 56400, 41483, 119950, 22940, 141063, 225703, 9834, 162313, 146967, 214980, 25233, 50749, 7986, 174575, 142034, 170228, 108604, 262741, 3868, 42980, 39359, 254772, 243944, 197030, 211169, 120151, 230262, 35734, 43074, 119956, 103471, 71398, 28731, 126861, 9918, 8053, 80861, 36365, 67620, 173105, 93972, 140673, 178111, 246127, 125026, 305217, 259455, 108116, 94289, 238872, 297037, 303132, 283076, 311189, 112097, 189475, 146547, 263425, 20174, 30868, 93342, 172162, 275100, 261111, 63237, 87355, 201121, 173171, 201922, 174914, 36429, 201737, 39168, 281243, 137016, 172352, 135083, 93312, 186997, 197875, 315669, 64120, 268220, 222243, 238435, 213016, 298309, 11602, 160947, 20092, 114018, 278629, 69595, 125732, 2646, 254405, 529, 263073, 286979, 160327, 272775, 255415, 93357, 170132, 315018, 95089, 283306, 267741, 18586, 119451, 193862, 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blog_authorship_989359	There's nothing like getting woken up before you intended to by a friend that's 3000 miles away and actually has a job. And then having them tell you to go back to sleep and waking up three hours later. Yeah, I slept till 1 in the afternoon today. I don't intend on doing much of anything to counteract that point either. I'm a lazy human. and urlLink this is freakin' great!	317,011	[ 316977, 316985 ]	18	[ 16955, 287846, 151964, 251709, 138813, 166993, 242899, 152033, 138764, 172225, 230043, 283712, 158514, 113681, 238088, 108552, 248176, 259021, 194086, 312138, 167373, 296952, 224439, 187061, 163264, 69984, 315133, 256734, 160761, 70153, 172353, 299815, 165883, 170755, 201660, 108187, 205648, 224444, 111664, 111414, 280306, 267898, 69641, 108486, 10591, 288405, 85181, 62429, 55267, 9682, 111752, 85210, 97397, 278580, 134531, 112732, 256494, 47140, 183360, 241760, 314411, 90397, 191140, 243420, 186989, 279203, 48862, 219858, 182134, 233059, 214798, 302968, 302840, 172263, 196516, 316040, 111470, 28409, 173505, 140667, 170354, 279933, 133805, 264766, 223100, 179992, 187001, 262921, 215699, 111427, 111691, 206051, 220358, 138742, 128914, 132939, 309730, 300511, 248611, 214100, 189278, 301556, 175089, 33758, 292815, 158416, 212578, 67909, 298326, 60411, 69943, 219670, 266022, 224426, 296263, 76430, 159477, 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blog_authorship_989359	I'm a fan of both <PERSON> and (early)Spielberg, more so of <PERSON> though. And when I saw this quote on urlLink this page , I laughed. And I enjoyed it, because it's true. I thought I should share. “When I see a film by <PERSON>, I see Oz the Great and Powerful. When I see a film by <PERSON>, I see a man behind a curtain pulling levers and barking into a microphone.” —<PERSON> (jayembee)	317,012	[ 316979 ]	185	[ 159301, 71435, 118887, 47880, 64020, 282049, 33839, 61415, 236211, 47950, 300787, 42316, 216524, 81716, 137405, 135204, 42980, 32422, 11539, 98188, 86876, 20196, 74443, 26119, 279277, 98187, 199624, 156823, 98023, 83293, 26365, 82754, 273194, 296117, 279231, 44714, 63803, 214776, 299711, 9853, 47117, 44766, 228393, 3236, 7131, 37330, 92700, 22399, 269097, 209739, 306854, 47685, 307309, 123634, 90893, 55295, 165442, 91215, 304547, 63466, 108131, 111774, 68150, 29362, 79015, 222121, 45313, 15144, 214999, 14677, 97046, 110953, 60273, 269887, 76337, 191610, 163559, 95410, 11526, 71947, 251629, 287057, 76563, 11474, 174669, 7046, 112079, 93897, 202093, 85478, 247887, 214903, 270559, 6295, 195920, 47687, 196281, 73938, 15106, 215001, 219136, 19021, 63434, 93326, 247886, 37290, 42022, 15397, 26137, 7097, 71944, 171854, 199639, 164171, 55404, 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blog_authorship_989359	A record store. The only place on earth that retail might just be OK, hopefully. Screw you Barnes and Noble. I knew books, I loved books, but music is much higher on my list. Number 2 to be exact. My list of top five all time places to work (made at age 16) 1. Movie Theatre. (new movies, free movies...film = cool) 2. A record store. (Access to music, etc. very important) 3. Book Store. (new books, cheap books, magazines, etc.) 4. Movie Rental place. (new movies, free rentals) 5. Art supply store. (cheap painting supplies, etc.) If I worked at urlLink Championship Vinyl , <PERSON> would say the same thing about me... 'I can't fire them. I hired these guys for three days a week and they just started showing up every day. That was four years ago.' So, I'm destined to sell bad music while wearing cosby sweaters and listening to sad bastard music. And I'm OK with that. For now.	317,013	[ 316985, 316977, 316975 ]	178	[ 284416, 167717, 241492, 1591, 116092, 280127, 9299, 164712, 252316, 111888, 111259, 214976, 215926, 80259, 125213, 287462, 273493, 46980, 82141, 196710, 312699, 185446, 247242, 20418, 32369, 113547, 186807, 96748, 308115, 126536, 214330, 7036, 88470, 9880, 60888, 234715, 173851, 313803, 104672, 239438, 144349, 20500, 226732, 161912, 17822, 299279, 59730, 102705, 43951, 186745, 105404, 172265, 219354, 15136, 70731, 232780, 11618, 248505, 196454, 11395, 312571, 26601, 78544, 111122, 167709, 12441, 18600, 114867, 80376, 246310, 302950, 267508, 198009, 306522, 307916, 306594, 118201, 17434, 142788, 308065, 121472, 233512, 39144, 117556, 122447, 190234, 73970, 150928, 311172, 91596, 196423, 39909, 75556, 265609, 80213, 108095, 71500, 11587, 173874, 149042, 99234, 305960, 146517, 202, 309423, 316149, 16958, 11619, 30727, 257690, 111701, 91227, 77735, 124817, 11489, 86546, 199034, 144779, 203504, 299853, 84623, 42632, 89463, 34220, 202141, 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blog_authorship_989359	Apparently <PERSON> is going to show us the wookiee planet in episode three. It's called Kashyyyk. Three y's. Who knows? Anyway. Already dealt with in the expanded universe, I'm excited about the possibility of wookiee everything on the big screen... the city, the weapons, the vehicles. Who wouldn't want to know what a wookiee domicile looks like? You can read more about Kashyyyk urlLink here. But, only if you're a giant nerd, like me.	317,014	[ 316977, 316979, 316984, 316982 ]	115	[ 220703, 290096, 244238, 3639, 156313, 156979, 202082, 58125, 230568, 89134, 216279, 287855, 188838, 43772, 118773, 269250, 164627, 295481, 62164, 86651, 77102, 108651, 270530, 170723, 139726, 243661, 249489, 200458, 37720, 223193, 129764, 23325, 140710, 297782, 281346, 35063, 188062, 167890, 72365, 283667, 176251, 183020, 165729, 162260, 73421, 20116, 119017, 111879, 246409, 184292, 102318, 197002, 269567, 171142, 286718, 116099, 14637, 26784, 104014, 297520, 117966, 12536, 167310, 310472, 135668, 15064, 308349, 206504, 164424, 187511, 36921, 226596, 276230, 24529, 39269, 80356, 266384, 60259, 312086, 122967, 12830, 120857, 15299, 200699, 259607, 160945, 240218, 101530, 196275, 227013, 21366, 126530, 24602, 175511, 196811, 42544, 308254, 307305, 164320, 280922, 47921, 83260, 4169, 15245, 200578, 60437, 128452, 202083, 175293, 133593, 189237, 307286, 95785, 103971, 92206, 301989, 230771, 297032, 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blog_authorship_989359	<PERSON> and I went to the 'good land' last night to see my favorite band, urlLink Modest Mouse . Wisconsin smells funny, but it was worth it. Speaking of smelling funny, it was unbelievably steamy at this venue. I still had a fucking blast though. Goddamn, there's nothing better than live music...especially live Modest Mouse. Thank you <PERSON>. A Different City 'I wanna live in a city with no friends or family I'm gonna look out the window of my color T.V. I wanna remember to remember to forget you forgot me I'm gonna look out the window of my color T.V. Through the cracks in the wall Slow motion for all Dripped out of the bars Someone smart said nothin' at all I'm watching T.V. I guess that's a solution They gave me a receipt that said, I didn't buy nothin' So rust is a fire and our blood oxidizes My eyes rolled around, all around on the carpet Oh hit the deck, It's the decal man Standin' upside down and talkin' out of his pants I wanna live in a city with no friends or family I'm gonna look out the window of my color T.V.'	317,015	null	148	[ 123321, 84919, 55077, 257888, 26049, 159143, 201053, 142877, 142864, 290017, 4405, 149695, 208918, 314734, 69802, 270608, 254102, 257666, 300440, 30342, 273503, 97607, 242629, 275792, 252736, 260020, 208521, 74916, 264613, 117776, 295502, 194452, 248682, 252184, 308899, 211240, 219632, 165365, 55190, 161268, 183400, 259678, 302397, 204826, 26120, 98202, 316033, 310175, 82834, 314253, 359, 243946, 142878, 257913, 269885, 146396, 187602, 218348, 142887, 280696, 257248, 46883, 151504, 253425, 213759, 172433, 113233, 243849, 221, 202835, 83681, 179250, 180011, 274938, 166022, 253759, 204946, 297682, 226159, 144026, 266393, 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blog_authorship_990045	(Read of the mo: The End of the Affair - <PERSON>) Today just seems to be whizzing past. Haven't been exceptionally productive with so many things happening around here. Got out with <PERSON> during lunch to get <PERSON>'s birthday present. Never an easy task, i finally found a handsome looking belt from <PERSON> which is really quite simple so that he has no reason not to like it. And since i've gotten the prezzie i've just called <PERSON> to cancel meeting up later for shopping as <PERSON>'s needing some TLC from having finally paid her school fees today.... and ironically we're going out tonight to grab a few drinks (since its ladies night) to celebrate her lost of financial freedom.	317,016	null	14	[ 194312, 150049, 172190, 168494, 272011, 248681, 175732, 26704, 169153, 196908, 224095, 114923, 196516, 139308, 234060, 138423, 297892, 302423, 308863, 234092, 40633, 281929, 7212, 37253, 138761, 255415, 271748, 52824, 165994, 138779, 51025, 159737, 64192, 172276, 135769, 168307, 152276, 138808, 104812, 187078, 311083, 172364, 182155, 80019, 250892, 293812, 178172, 28422, 247919, 155701, 234091, 315645, 28796, 59098, 232768, 194062, 312581, 271093, 150310, 182192, 137581, 154729, 296966, 229502, 50943, 894, 172352, 125213, 203118, 141986, 128408, 56422, 125044, 152538, 125773, 279461, 180921, 13970, 299298, 172173, 178235, 180085, 279772, 170493, 28512, 314115, 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blog_authorship_990045	(Read of the mo: Save Me the Waltz - <PERSON>) The weekend has been a really busy one with <PERSON>'s dinner party and <PERSON>'s hen night - which had to be put together all on 2 days' notice. It all started with <PERSON> ringing late friday night freaking out about the whole getting married thingy with the wedding barely a week away. So i happily suggested having a hen nite to calm her nerves and she jumped at the idea. Problem was that with the wedding date so close, there wasn't really a good time to have the hen nite other than the immediate sunday. And so began the mad-race calling to hotels and escort agencies because <PERSON> specifically requested for a stripper who looks like a cross between <PERSON> and <PERSON>, with tight buns to boot. Though it wasn't like we really care about the sex she'll be missing out on after her marriage, it seemed like a fun idea to see how <PERSON> would cringe and freak out when we present her with a half-baked stripper. Went to bed close to 3 that night after talking to them <PERSON> and <PERSON> on <PERSON>'s 3-way phone. Sat was hectic, meeting <PERSON> for lunch at the s'goon food centre followed by a long drive down to the Expo. But the carpark was so crowded with people going there for the dumb car show (which should really be called the dumb cars and dumbass showgirls exhibition) and all we wanted was to go to some electrical appliances sale. We're so goddamn happening yeah? Anyways the queue for the lots were so long we ditched the idea and headed for Eastpoint instead, where <PERSON> dropped me off to meet up with <PERSON>. Proceeded to meet <PERSON> shortly after to go to <PERSON>'s place for her dinner party. Dinner was ok and we played mahjong for a bit. Scooted near midnight and got home early enough to yak on the phone for a bit with <PERSON>, did research for the hotel rates and eventually ended up going to bed at close to 4. Earlier part of sunday was filled with phone calls and smses with <PERSON> and <PERSON>, debating about which hotel to go for. Finally decided on Le Meridien but it was close to 4 when we finally got our lazy asses to town. The presidential suite we got was so-so, but the bathroom was sure grand with a tv hanging above the throne. Watched SATC and Maid in Manhattan, fooled around for a bit trying to strip <PERSON> without much success. <PERSON>, Dawn and <PERSON> joined us in the evening and we pigged out and watched Serendipity, read and destroyed old love letters from that loser ex-boyfriend of <PERSON>'s, before erupting into a massive pillow fight with everybody going for <PERSON>'s pants. <PERSON> and <PERSON> left us at 1 and rest of us talked some more about <PERSON>'s new place before they decided to go look for food downstairs while i retired close to 4.30, mindful of the half day of work that i have to face today. Alrighty, not quite up to writing or thinking anymore after an energy-depleting weekend like that. Am heading home to chill and catch Friends and then its straight to bed. Check back.	317,017	[ 317010 ]	51	[ 148504, 64509, 152546, 159928, 308831, 138419, 138407, 158873, 148517, 308889, 213239, 287299, 309547, 61045, 188675, 42654, 313222, 111555, 133387, 152513, 85871, 76838, 138422, 138331, 64456, 313571, 296809, 147209, 203147, 216331, 64441, 135451, 114845, 231719, 64504, 76833, 312729, 152538, 174949, 298862, 186246, 260629, 308818, 239247, 111705, 109726, 13110, 237734, 308790, 210679, 152568, 160053, 308856, 275438, 108393, 62684, 308837, 114846, 234255, 308863, 209501, 42682, 182226, 101130, 127886, 81301, 140109, 135466, 69840, 184773, 209863, 264323, 138335, 160543, 48616, 281349, 276840, 160368, 42687, 147614, 177067, 312754, 307891, 62660, 216413, 210391, 234761, 315688, 270137, 270135, 16647, 10842, 128466, 276866, 43001, 8551, 229938, 227862, 211489, 217082, 59098, 152338, 287308, 28851, 192455, 60003, 294103, 152299, 60501, 217883, 203030, 254636, 529, 142820, 229782, 220348, 43006, 161358, 116436, 108604, 109419, 172165, 203001, 313790, 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blog_authorship_990045	Second post today - this is a first! Read and re-read this morning's post and feel incredibly dumb. I have started writing about things i precisely didn't want to write about, and the main reason i had deleted the previous blogs - too much negativity. I wish i hadn't. Therefore, i am resolving to keep my blog free of negativity to my best ability. Negativity is bad, for me, for anyone who stumbles upon the blog, and the karma it generates is just way too much for me to handle. Omm.....	317,018	[ 317010 ]	192	[ 250714, 91485, 132978, 2543, 232216, 4662, 113555, 12514, 232210, 30904, 86666, 3847, 226895, 217399, 12609, 72646, 9260, 239709, 110926, 233240, 130096, 36010, 262600, 246381, 198991, 110077, 269189, 158670, 154988, 276027, 76585, 270273, 297126, 249616, 293591, 292335, 283140, 149259, 77768, 230030, 244882, 76583, 296528, 171084, 139959, 289110, 184068, 152773, 295163, 69645, 287096, 101667, 237404, 308932, 222538, 190893, 70391, 266964, 252711, 236349, 125283, 190422, 109786, 69739, 157954, 176207, 31749, 200719, 281967, 237900, 157508, 18578, 40822, 208862, 288746, 214350, 163211, 123852, 148982, 126056, 158154, 200319, 198755, 281596, 248142, 129806, 160226, 102208, 174071, 95063, 308389, 70294, 190606, 259804, 87522, 52119, 249953, 90246, 90470, 195110, 90423, 256891, 101490, 18040, 74784, 112126, 110900, 177554, 24519, 182201, 162374, 68443, 214767, 245437, 179863, 170190, 185716, 201717, 16118, 232165, 163480, 151009, 185741, 101533, 272777, 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blog_authorship_990045	(Read of the mo: nil) I should have been in hell of a cheery mood becos a) its a freaking friday b) i dun have to come in to work tomorrow c) my weekend's all planned out with people to meet and things to do and buy. But i am not, and i am pissed, becos a) its been too many fridays since i was allowed to feel this way b) i'm wasting my time getting pissed off and c) the damn giggles are just irritating the shit outta me. Yes, the fucking giggles coming from some inappropriately happy person, even for a friday. Except she doesn't limit her 'i'm so cute dun everyone just love the way i giggle oh wait maybe i'm not loud enough' fucking giggle to fridays, it happens almost on a daily basis!! I always wonder who's hanging on the other end of the line waiting for her to finish her giggling routine cos if someone i'm talking to on the phone starts breaking out into such a friggin giggle i'm gonna think i rang one of those ghost line and tell her to shut the fuck up and cut the line!! Hell and its not just that, there's the weird accent that comes on whenever she speaks to anyone she can remotely fool into thinking she's a fucking american/australian/english whatever!! Like, duh! You are not IT, you dun look IT, so you dun try to be IT!! Especially not with your shifty eyes that make you look like a rat!! Gosh i'm in such a fucked-up bitching mood today, and she has to go set me off like that, on a friday afternoon, no less! I am sure for all that evil and unkind thoughts that passed through my mind or even just those i've written is enough to get me karma-ded beyond redemption, but i cannot help myself. Maybe its PMS, and maybe its something else, i dunno. Maybe its because i've resorted to listening to Nirvana to block out the damn giggles, for which i'm not sorry for, cos if they irritate, they irrtate, there's simply no other way to look at it. Either way, i get irritated, i vent. And when i vent, i blog. I do not try to hit back by guffawing louder than she is trying to giggle and irritate the innocents. See at least i'm considerate, so Karma-mama, take that into consideration before you banish me to eternal hell will ya?? And as for you, you shifty one, i tried to be a friend, but it didn't work out. You just made it so much easier to loathe you simply by being what you are. And i've succumbed.	317,019	[ 317010 ]	239	[ 175948, 182169, 209987, 270229, 141980, 229059, 252012, 305294, 149039, 316252, 193317, 26226, 301951, 254933, 247640, 264573, 267094, 260972, 199419, 219145, 295449, 175921, 150376, 296710, 295054, 152256, 259621, 198257, 236603, 167860, 316239, 154426, 119495, 181469, 270236, 201109, 152229, 254545, 156035, 301029, 238559, 139963, 26172, 308690, 307479, 316180, 119688, 269470, 175552, 264578, 219141, 297862, 58355, 246141, 300643, 7600, 307563, 152329, 198332, 181474, 287615, 306886, 251509, 114923, 8608, 157668, 307664, 167682, 213458, 286706, 278003, 266515, 139299, 262004, 157673, 134961, 300889, 209481, 175936, 91095, 175942, 139341, 16329, 225958, 154425, 296675, 243817, 246743, 250054, 279900, 141308, 179185, 228304, 314158, 243923, 207034, 224374, 177105, 55465, 229368, 297674, 211621, 74567, 163535, 308569, 291446, 209477, 172495, 275065, 300882, 270228, 253781, 210051, 213555, 160799, 138325, 7767, 191222, 151349, 66668, 161492, 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blog_authorship_990045	(Read of the mo: yesterday's Straits Times) Hmmmm.... bought meself and <PERSON> some fish briyani for lunch, waiting for her to get out from her workshop so that we can tuck in. Meanwhile the smell wafting out from the bag is just making me salivate all over the keyboard yum! Pretty bored morning doing nothing significant at all, and at the back of my mind there's that friggin board papers bugging me cos today's the deadline and if i dun do get it done something really bad's gonna come down on me. Arghhh this is such a nightmare every year. I went shoe-shopping with <PERSON> after work yesterday and it was pretty fun. So i guess i was wrong to assume everything i assumed earlier. Maybe she's not given up on the friendship like i thought. But we've still not spoken about what happen. Not like i'm that eager to talk about it. Actually i'm happy to forget about how she blew me off for nothing, well maybe something, but i dun mind not knowing what. I'm just glad things are somewhat back to normal. Bali trip is off. Made plans to meet up with <PERSON> and <PERSON> at <PERSON>'s place this sat, maybe for mahjong or something, we'll see what turns up. And then to town with <PERSON> for some shopping on sunday. Hee guess its not gonna be one of those chill-out-with-a-book kinda weekend. Has got The Reason playing in my head so much, it keeps reminding of somebody.... not that the song means anything, cos there's nothing, and its precisely that which pretty much upsets me.	317,020	null	76	[ 193107, 297672, 219141, 119688, 172737, 119527, 22136, 119493, 222567, 243956, 182180, 109535, 249734, 257548, 152538, 161437, 214189, 164643, 16479, 275322, 209948, 109559, 203021, 253367, 109579, 265647, 279900, 148911, 138314, 251722, 243923, 235751, 148840, 207489, 219145, 207535, 308877, 275660, 155539, 236893, 60422, 154685, 164420, 279894, 197367, 207464, 196969, 167320, 270218, 291336, 286881, 287299, 210388, 209815, 288841, 268984, 58375, 193863, 198231, 109584, 293832, 207689, 38968, 207236, 228595, 37463, 255299, 293435, 301014, 148922, 140011, 152503, 216140, 247268, 926, 148908, 25131, 277009, 119529, 196971, 166022, 207483, 147798, 262676, 304832, 119766, 101530, 233106, 172333, 119537, 262923, 277793, 243037, 148902, 268960, 186870, 217633, 138775, 132964, 138774, 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blog_authorship_990045	(Read of the mo: <PERSON> - too freaking tired to read) Had good lunch with <PERSON> and <PERSON> at pastamania. This is too indulgent i think i should be cutting down on the carbs. Still not sure if i'm going ahead with bali plans this week. Got out of the office at close to 7.30 last evening and headed to far east plaza with <PERSON> to check out some shoes. Ended up in this lovely little dress shop that carried the prettiest 1950s dresses. The guy who mans the shop, who's really nice, even managed to convince my lazy self to try out one of the dresses, and i liked it so much i decided i want it before i even changed out of it. But that was of course after the guy incessantly telling me what a perfect body i hv to fit a dress like that.... i know, i know what a shameless ego trip huh its as if i was fishing for compliments twirling and turning in front of the mirror asking him what he thought but hey i needed that after having such a rough start to the week! Anyways the dress is high-waisted, white with pink satin trimmings and big pink flower prints and a really cute pink satin bow. Now now isn't that the perfect dress to wear to a day wedding? A wedding in a garden with lots of flowers and white flowy decorations.... hmmmm guess i will wear that to <PERSON>'s church wedding next month :)	317,021	[ 317010 ]	76	[ 309793, 112846, 46798, 242602, 112706, 213086, 62676, 106328, 76845, 300958, 188302, 75116, 175306, 150153, 85322, 2358, 306573, 302165, 48319, 171102, 21143, 216261, 152546, 76889, 4587, 224049, 100709, 46880, 174818, 306236, 225820, 290044, 212543, 17820, 116356, 288879, 128121, 252108, 237360, 217095, 191570, 210392, 20117, 72595, 152563, 308402, 311184, 161198, 196799, 188307, 231988, 302230, 85868, 313576, 302176, 315187, 150145, 175362, 13313, 308806, 161515, 270582, 229261, 116672, 145796, 112721, 229751, 253035, 152382, 215160, 216260, 152566, 49984, 288884, 201020, 269578, 165033, 223618, 261084, 189852, 222609, 175535, 46773, 152548, 139422, 182790, 88877, 139264, 177678, 38563, 254545, 192898, 209648, 263861, 191874, 100641, 18647, 190194, 165557, 174008, 270576, 315578, 279318, 17371, 200895, 72591, 4615, 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blog_authorship_990045	(Read of the mo: Pride & Prejudice, <PERSON>) Wasted the whole of last evening at calfit talking to some hard-up consultants with <PERSON>. One of them happened to be her friend, whose manager is such an asshole he pissed me off within three seconds of shaking hands. You know the kind of people you decide doesn't deserve a chance before they even open their mouths? Yep he's one of them. He went on about an exclusive 'manager's promotion' that's only valid yesterday, which was nothing short of bullshit! Like, did he think we looked 4 or what?? But i was a good girl i gave him like 7 and a half minutes before telling him that he's crap. So of course Mr-I'm-a-manager got insulted and left, tail between his legs. Calfit sucks big time my love! And you would have to run me over twice with a bus before i'd pay you freaking money to join your freaking loser club again you bunch of hard-up assholes. There, that was for delaying my dinner and making me miss Friends.	317,022	[ 317010 ]	199	[ 196090, 54037, 125101, 316122, 259264, 271189, 111741, 266214, 316468, 158429, 189953, 127409, 236882, 228419, 289614, 286190, 311717, 85930, 198321, 243811, 263398, 187995, 115683, 186216, 296212, 220940, 57017, 268814, 228417, 16514, 100094, 219193, 263602, 25947, 100541, 38105, 188500, 20917, 222551, 216538, 312151, 281752, 180007, 147196, 173403, 266611, 313987, 128349, 137271, 45740, 173519, 213056, 259147, 186241, 304713, 246934, 313838, 174819, 48398, 186934, 179174, 247572, 244682, 31769, 317087, 245174, 242612, 273532, 262460, 180232, 311628, 65578, 1484, 161606, 149644, 111575, 149940, 292262, 204946, 158498, 226955, 21167, 191250, 38793, 201935, 30276, 89592, 298690, 265846, 125044, 193781, 173416, 242800, 109945, 221389, 262991, 179947, 173459, 12170, 149104, 167131, 167975, 274697, 304278, 316123, 113170, 224327, 36220, 302463, 316127, 265888, 261773, 215556, 309872, 279318, 56456, 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blog_authorship_990045	Today is the day my heart breaks. Sappy love songs on the radio are not helping - they cannot mask the clattering of my heart breaking. I wanna weep and ask why. I know its only realistic for me to come to terms with it, and this is when every part of me aches knowing that it will never be. So this is what it feels like. I should have known. Just what was i thinking?	317,023	null	142	[ 185893, 187486, 187114, 187569, 196671, 307933, 4405, 187441, 185485, 222046, 257448, 267877, 55049, 310502, 100679, 53338, 186501, 187116, 279268, 252882, 26193, 238290, 222398, 186488, 209349, 308605, 257145, 139283, 303062, 205633, 109002, 308493, 109783, 193424, 148964, 251625, 81946, 174136, 243442, 160214, 201754, 262166, 262164, 230572, 164994, 256631, 260277, 111004, 239337, 136233, 286613, 174626, 258564, 67684, 262964, 185293, 186433, 82942, 62221, 212810, 304706, 160203, 167836, 250979, 62358, 250740, 263111, 253711, 227279, 59305, 55190, 253242, 115760, 184856, 305089, 34061, 246858, 275977, 185602, 50305, 138438, 86794, 187802, 275053, 285126, 187803, 232159, 190693, 289827, 71398, 155791, 192035, 311564, 230905, 138470, 232136, 226128, 229593, 148650, 18233, 187763, 67595, 306499, 261640, 208528, 303042, 44002, 302971, 115585, 248060, 268911, 222389, 214423, 186540, 314895, 291607, 236238, 163819, 187623, 315611, 307918, 48131, 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blog_authorship_990045	(Read of the mo: nil) Its official. I am a big fat glut. No two ways about that. Spent like 3 hours at the buffet last night and ate our eyes out. And it wasn't like the food was that yum. I was just stuffing my face becos i was so pissed off at the way the whole week's turned out. And that was after trying so hard to control my appetite the past few days so that i can look ok in my bikini next week. Yeah there're like plans to go to bali over the weekend next week but now that the tickets are out i'm not so sure. Anyways. Dinner with <PERSON> and <PERSON> on thursday night turned out ok. Things were not quite the same, but am not gonna dwell on it. I mean, its alright to move on, get married and have your own life. Who really wants to go back to the familiarity of a friendship that used to mean so much?? If friendships are meant to die out without a reason then so be it, i do not give a flying fuck. So yeah, feel happy for the impending marriage and only have best wishes for them. On the other hand, <PERSON> is so much the same, we can still talk the same way we used to babble at 13.... We are still evil plotters of really mean schemes.... we still regard men the same way they've been regarded since 10 years ago.... and we still don't give a shit about the 'cannot-make-its'!! Gosh did i tell you i love my girlfriends?? <PERSON> also brought news of <PERSON>, a boy i used to go out with but have not seen for ages. And then there's <PERSON> too - whom i spoke with on <PERSON>'s phone. Hmmmm.... i cannot remember how dating feels anymore! Over dinner yesterday, <PERSON> mentioned a treatment of a course of injections. The jabs work by killing the fat cells or something like that, and apparently its working for her friend, who tried 2 on her thighs. Isn't that like the bestest news this century? There's hope for us gluts yet!! Am gonna do some research over the net on the procedure, even think i've seen an article on it somewhere and the results are suppose to be quite permanent. And if all's well i'm gonna like jab like i've never jab before!! Bless them doctors who found this miraculous alternative to liposuction!! Dinner plans tonight with the family and grams and aunts to celebrate father's day - for my dear ol' Pa-py! And then its my return to slumber-land for the rest of the weekend to make up for all that lost sleep over this bloody week. Catch up on some reading too and treat my hair to some tender loving dove!! Geeez i love the luxury of having time on my hands to do as i like!! Taitai-dom taitai-dom oh where art thou??	317,024	[ 317010 ]	125	[ 194523, 66747, 172118, 228866, 212084, 276515, 8598, 290678, 187146, 161177, 315645, 173158, 139434, 161208, 141964, 249745, 114935, 207489, 288726, 248051, 296964, 264704, 251509, 260019, 119688, 304849, 132828, 17837, 296218, 228809, 246141, 301570, 161200, 267786, 313193, 159117, 236888, 162067, 142971, 201397, 109545, 182702, 232973, 58387, 251524, 179185, 296960, 288842, 313820, 155567, 210388, 142758, 170267, 119484, 178720, 258624, 264582, 143072, 88145, 177773, 277009, 161428, 192039, 201848, 152576, 8770, 109580, 111500, 79577, 259286, 216152, 57017, 250039, 201934, 209102, 124914, 198538, 259380, 48401, 296962, 268431, 245117, 198155, 195147, 241084, 234471, 161196, 87794, 212222, 174145, 176202, 275086, 177814, 44187, 160934, 183496, 223747, 152305, 259381, 109584, 275061, 196724, 185027, 304780, 191742, 117690, 182991, 181832, 199467, 286883, 314317, 244034, 58708, 216586, 246742, 182688, 243923, 293812, 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blog_authorship_990045	(Read of the Mo: nil) One of the worst friday in history. Started the day by running into the last person i wanna see in the morning these days. Got rid of her by hopping into the really crowded train which she absolute hates, phew.... only to arrive at work to have to face some horrendous filing job and a reluctant co-worker who whinces and whines at every task. Already wasted about 1.5 working days this week assigning work and then repeatedly explaining simple tasks like filing in chrono order. And then feeling sorry and unsure if i should have assign such menial work. Then tried telling myself that he's young and hardly out of his teenhood but at same time also cannot help reminding myself that i was holding a full-time clerical job when i was at the same age. Judging by the number of wrinkles i've gotten this week i'm hoping that karma truly exists. Know what's worse? Its a fucking saturday tomorrow and i have to work. Not only that, there's like a sodding workshop at 9 in the morning too! Which effectively means i have to get my ass into the office at 8! How about that? Having to smile and register the old fuddies like its my favourite thing to do on a freaking saturday!! Life's a bitch. Had planned dinner with <PERSON> tonight but she had to cancel bcos of work. But now we're going out again to stuff our face at the merchant court hotel buffet cos i'm so pissed off and she's decided to take pity on my sorry self. And having to bring her work home as a result.... I love my girlfriends!! And may karma get all the stupid eejits in the world!!	317,025	[ 317010 ]	177	[ 8598, 79310, 296964, 293355, 37369, 237018, 290678, 260334, 168623, 220944, 275086, 247903, 116534, 90609, 172352, 164032, 253767, 261015, 124914, 128441, 313193, 260966, 144191, 283114, 138314, 248919, 126880, 307306, 243354, 58183, 304615, 264479, 218336, 302777, 286348, 125786, 213458, 101391, 84019, 101389, 158385, 1735, 59386, 160753, 60453, 220807, 207134, 40167, 191865, 250679, 220940, 237992, 279867, 260972, 264711, 222571, 220947, 152538, 304863, 4701, 198136, 114930, 148902, 236564, 269293, 98961, 259930, 187009, 18539, 257205, 256679, 310647, 18347, 264704, 190634, 39073, 138753, 315628, 280854, 150287, 252173, 180104, 116535, 259548, 128482, 138808, 258624, 125624, 85394, 158464, 307307, 211724, 304782, 119658, 252012, 124755, 247085, 102705, 210388, 230797, 220812, 254718, 172615, 196549, 142568, 222590, 119676, 306137, 158487, 249059, 165785, 46797, 14245, 85452, 130405, 301539, 253748, 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blog_authorship_990045	(Read of the Mo: <PERSON> - finally finished the crap book call Man & Boy; which incidentally should be simply titled Dickhead instead, cos that's what its about) Got a pep talk from the boss today for taking an extra long lunch. Was really out with <PERSON> sorting out stuff for her new home. But its ok, not the first time caught slacking. Am gonna head out for dinner tonight with <PERSON> and <PERSON>. Yes, the pre-wedding meet-up kinda dinner. Having some mixed anticipation right now cos i haven't seen them in ages and i just dunno if things will be awkward u know? Been trying to decide if i wanna get a <PERSON> compilation album.... Ok gotta fly now else i'll be late. Will check back later with details.	317,026	null	234	[ 119688, 119601, 119806, 119804, 262923, 121717, 119775, 277993, 193108, 119693, 119537, 119676, 207225, 289198, 277999, 307230, 152538, 181516, 218223, 26172, 262931, 119580, 212338, 264750, 288841, 232840, 70229, 119861, 297681, 152270, 134593, 262942, 210674, 119687, 227138, 218335, 254368, 292573, 184900, 266638, 267108, 228179, 267107, 228626, 262114, 119924, 212222, 178783, 200362, 262945, 182180, 187083, 198257, 277996, 256505, 181476, 178973, 185303, 119527, 246976, 244155, 151091, 253768, 53295, 150299, 67682, 229059, 229049, 37238, 119825, 53315, 119658, 317193, 179253, 210261, 152337, 134582, 255677, 296945, 148920, 188238, 178673, 109535, 66747, 76884, 38140, 108204, 207173, 222535, 204580, 229052, 119576, 125801, 119579, 119691, 155516, 139432, 60403, 253171, 180587, 177041, 283057, 175948, 253926, 252012, 184944, 172171, 138738, 312581, 302794, 179033, 73306, 204578, 285233, 119789, 176190, 235702, 119627, 185107, 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blog_authorship_990045	(Read of the <PERSON>: the fucking Man & Boy - real crap, only reading to see how much worse it can get) Brought celery sticks to work for breakfast today and feeling like the healthiest person around, very pleased with myself =) Real pain trying to get out of bed this morning cos i slept real late the night before talking to mom. Haven't had proper sleep the past week, and no matter how badly i resolve to get home early and be in bed by 10 its just not happening. Crap how i wish i dun have a job so that i can sleep for a living. Yahoo's giving me like a 100mb email account and i'm excited cos i absolutely hates deleting emails and sms - laziness more than anything. But i wonder just how yahoo can afford to give such huge account space to all it users.... Better go, have got shitloads of work to face today.	317,027	[ 317010 ]	177	[ 149812, 101550, 119527, 56460, 111530, 244847, 68350, 239843, 111427, 111525, 111129, 111627, 111315, 43033, 92384, 66461, 119643, 1772, 264750, 238086, 183723, 247510, 277342, 111664, 302807, 248176, 269970, 79304, 174775, 148960, 138015, 111571, 1801, 244682, 206031, 267330, 175948, 254662, 111584, 152229, 65359, 277355, 119888, 111608, 111198, 251263, 119576, 180000, 141768, 148533, 111610, 183693, 166947, 70337, 111570, 257548, 221999, 246031, 229579, 277359, 221274, 213443, 282796, 131558, 61608, 51065, 201948, 138793, 201680, 150779, 254368, 1083, 201809, 76173, 225233, 300026, 90352, 198231, 9994, 263796, 111631, 206264, 48750, 165785, 108552, 151256, 111623, 301539, 39528, 145721, 204492, 288854, 295290, 52286, 306451, 8747, 119495, 140628, 111362, 111130, 10358, 213208, 304863, 87292, 258905, 270595, 19309, 252012, 251980, 101961, 295200, 111639, 119693, 297704, 146826, 182980, 119627, 111143, 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blog_authorship_990045	(Read of the Mo: still on bloody Man & Boy! Man this shit is boring me!) Spent sunday doing absolutely nothing at home. Spent the usual 2 hours reading the sunday papers, did laundry, then took a long bath before settling down to watch The Hours on vcd. Show was not too bad, lots of suicides and depression. Not about to pick up the book again though. Had a bad case of gastric attack today - which resulted in me taking a one-hour nap after lunch right here at work... hee it sure feels good to be slacking legitimately when everybody else are working their asses off! Anyways <PERSON> got in touch yesterday to tell me that she needs my help next june... yes you guessed it, andother wedding!! What is it with these people? Like is this the season to get married? And can they do it any other time? No! They have to do it just when my life is filled with shit and doubts and everything in that particular aspect.... Gosh where did all that bitterness come from?	317,028	[ 317010 ]	51	[ 262942, 245570, 158263, 111609, 300879, 119574, 230559, 290678, 64452, 132631, 102659, 210394, 225233, 21356, 302357, 43316, 51503, 190627, 280173, 128388, 155614, 271748, 193536, 304782, 194184, 276100, 111742, 221412, 157268, 275065, 128347, 287853, 251260, 126840, 210376, 232183, 182666, 193143, 250902, 310839, 17773, 201216, 277147, 51446, 161492, 597, 128274, 222334, 191748, 263297, 199735, 157802, 225967, 125658, 165079, 228959, 277009, 225848, 210388, 201939, 111676, 210743, 199482, 17784, 201074, 231370, 247560, 137291, 304863, 230938, 126686, 264776, 69887, 142808, 145169, 180000, 201, 76833, 191130, 200654, 237736, 173416, 228084, 160565, 124839, 243487, 209987, 218049, 180106, 203131, 145302, 111187, 179742, 152546, 211442, 274699, 179941, 138776, 308236, 279994, 5113, 304788, 121889, 1735, 105167, 274696, 111156, 222342, 129788, 148878, 144300, 121028, 264747, 288780, 300923, 8149, 169682, 164178, 223536, 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blog_authorship_980975

my room STINKS of icky rat i am full of mac n' cheese today was good i almost ate a moldy rice chex that doesn't work, damn jamba juice is so good good good today i babysat a sick kid i felt so bad, she was so sick and felt so bad .i wish i could help you. i had a super glock today thats right who spiked the punch? you spiked the punch hiccup so which bitch do you want to get wither first? lets make a list.

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blog_authorship_980975

This is for you, if you ever choose to read it. Something happened. I am not exactly sure what. But I do know that I never see you anymore. Ever. I miss you dearly. You were one of my best friends. You ment more to me than I think you realize. I always feel like you hate me. You think I am this annoying thing that won't get out of your life. I am sorry if you think that, and I don't try to make you feel that way, if that is how you feel. I know you wonder why I don't make the effort to be your friend, if I do indeed miss you so much. The truth is, I did, I tried and I never felt you tried. I seemed to always call you and always ask you to hang out. Maybe I am wrong. But that is just how it seemed. After a while, I gave up. The worst part is when people come to me and say 'i thought you guys were best friends, what happened?' I don't know what to say, I avoid it if possible. I don't know what happened, but I am sorry it did. I don't know what I want from you. Maybe nothing. Maybe an explanation. I am just tired of acting like nothing ever happened. Like we were never friends.

316,930

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158079, 189759, 241538, 84614, 35863 ]

blog_authorship_980975

so this weekend was.... so good just what I needed thursday I hung about my home, all alone, blasting music and feeling pathetic, in a good way though. then on friday I cleaned of course and then I ate of course then I went to <PERSON> home home home we then watched Bend it like Beckham so hot, want to touch the hieny? we ski-daddled to <PERSON>'s humble abode i had the time of my life i can't tell you why nothing especially great happened all I know is I haven't been that happy in a long time despite me being a cockblock so sorry <PERSON>, but I have my duties <PERSON> gave a piggyback ride home you are so cool <PERSON> i sprayed spray paint, shhhhhhhhhhPH the band played outkast hey ya i sang along the singer danced like a crazy man it was beautiful awoke the next morning got <PERSON> played soccer won 2-0 <PERSON> and <PERSON> came over we wandered around we watched a movie i fell asleep so cold so tired so alone yet somehow happy in every way awoke sunday got coffee walked home ate meals came over we watched Sleeping Beauty it was flashback we were skeptical of the movie cause we are so old and wise juuuuuuuuuuust kidding 'the thought of them makes me chuckle' 'shut up, you make me chuckle' eves dropping should be a sport. I would win.

316,931

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blog_authorship_980975

you have no idea what it is like it is this horrible sensation always looming there no one knows well, only a select few anyway and what they know is more serious than they think you are never going to get it but maybe i am wrong maybe you will one day but by then it will be too late i will be dead or very much alive not by any help from you so instead of saying thanks i say no thanks because what you think is helping is really hurting and i hate you every last one of you but you are never going to get it no you aren't

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186195, 35188, 300519 ]

blog_authorship_980975

<PERSON>: want to run away to san francisco with me? <PERSON>: we can live with the buffalo <PERSON>: there are buffalo in san francisco? <PERSON>: oh yeah <PERSON>: right in the middle <PERSON>: are you sure you dont mean gays? <PERSON>: positive <PERSON>: thats crazy <PERSON>: i have pictures <PERSON>: now these i'd like to see <PERSON>: i ate a buffalo once <PERSON>: i will bring them tomorrow <PERSON>: was it gooood? <PERSON>: yes <PERSON>: and in any case <PERSON>: i'd love to run away to san francisco with you to live with the buffalo goodbye everyone. have a good life. maybe one day. i will see you. i will be wearing a coat. made of buffalo fur. you will be wearing a coat. of cotton. we shall have coffee. never shall we meet again. unless I love you. and I promise. I won't.

316,933

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blog_authorship_980975

farewell so long i was wrong i guess farewell so long i was wrong i confess i miss the way you i miss the way you dance with me so farewell my love i was wrong i guess <PERSON> so long i was wrong i confess i miss the way i miss the way you sing with me i never asked you for a sailboat in the yard that fancy dress to wear or a ceiling made of stars and all i got was just this broken heart from you

316,934

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blog_authorship_980975

today I feel like pleasing you more than before <IP_ADDRESS>what a sunday<IP_ADDRESS> I awoke at the hour of 10 I rested in my bed with my feline companion o how I love him so I read. I ate french toast. I read. I read until my eyes hurt. then I read some more. I ate dinner. I cleaned the bathroom. I read and now I am going to read some more there is just this one small problem the book i am reading is about this girl and she leads this life, a life I want and i keep reading because if I read it I can be it and when i put it down i have to come back into my reality but since i don't put it down it will end sooner then i will have no escape damn reality damn change damn everything woo. i feel good. na na na na na na na. i knew that i would. na na na na na na na. so good. boom boom so good. boom boom i got you....?

316,935

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blog_authorship_980975

I do not know what to say. I feel like I have so much to tell, so much to release yet, I am too much of a lazy ass to type it all out. too bad. I decided that I want to remember my life. really honestly remember it so I am going to by a voice recorder I am going to keep a log a log of my life it shall be called <PERSON>'s Life: Told by the person who lived it. I am excited because when I am 30 I can listen to all the tapes and realize how stupid I was how funny how weird how sad how happy how everything hearing things on tape can really bring back memories oh boy, oh boy, oh boy so <PERSON> is really cool, yeah. so <PERSON> is reall cool, yeah. so <PERSON> is really cool, yeah. saturday night was my soccer party. in for a rude awakening not bad though i enjoyed myself getting humped and everything it doesn't get better doggy style with <PERSON>, the lovely dog ...i am sorry your life is so fucked, you are fabulous, know that my dear... I never say quite what I mean I never mean quite what I say I went to goodwill actually i went to nathans i got a bunch of his old clothes I am very excited for my new belongings i am gone. morning has broken <PERSON> has spoken

316,936

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312270, 247569, 156517, 135370 ]

blog_authorship_980975

Something has left my life. And I don't know where it went to. Somebody caused me strife. And it's not what I was seeking. Didn't you see me, didn't you hear me? Didn't you see me standing there? Why did you turn out the lights? Did you know that I was sleeping? Say a prayer for me. Help me to feel the strenght, I did. My identity, has it been taken? Is my heart breakin' on me? All my plans fell thought my hands. They fell thought my hands on me. All my dreams it suddenly seems. It suddenly seems. Empty.

316,937

[ 316916 ]

250

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blog_authorship_980975

I drove for the first time today yeah in the first 5 minutos a totally WHITE TRASH lady almost ran me over she made my day..... yeah, right. I saw <PERSON>'s new basement-o today i must say it is prettttttty snazzy went to Bremerton it was fabulous shocked? yes, me too. <PERSON> sure knows how to make me laugh like a crazed animal a crazy one too i miss spain. i miss hot spanish men who didn't know what i was shouting at them 'HEY BABY!! I WANT A PIECE OF THAT ASS!!' 'que?' '<PERSON>' 'sdfjha;orfha;ofgij' 'gracias, you too.' hahahahha i want to be under he sea in an octopus' garden in the shade you are quite more dirty than i thought. that's cool? i miss <PERSON> and the talks and walks we had i shall call him this weekend and we shall have a pow-wow i was gone on monday. no one knows why. but me. and him. and her. and him. and that is because i knew that they would not tell i knew they would tell me they loved me i knew that wouldn't understand if they did they would have to have been my reflection. catch you later <PERSON>.

316,938

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172929, 287627, 250046, 295236, 248606 ]

blog_authorship_980975

I remember the first time I saw Romeo and Juliet. I thought it was okay. I remember the second time I saw it. I cried so hard my chest hurt. I had a low. One hard to explain. The third time I watched it. I cried long, big sobs. The forth time. I was immune. I just sat there. You should watch it. It is genius. It makes you so angry yet so happy and so in love Oh, <PERSON>. My, <PERSON>. <PERSON> 'why then, is my pump well flowered?' <PERSON>... I must say you really pump my nads.

316,939

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blog_authorship_980975

today we were looking at the pictures i didn't think they would make me feel all ugly inside all torn apart but sadly they did same for her but not as much as me. she wouldn't know. i remember it so well. all those days. 'having the time of my life' always there that is what you were change happens this I know but my question is this why is change always for the worst and the things we want to change never do they say everyone has changed even myself I do not know if I am better or worse but you certainly are not you the occasional glimpse that is all I get do you remember? perhaps shocked. that is what I was. such a quick transformation so quick that I didn't have time to stop it so quick that I didn't get a chance to breathe so quick I didn't get to tell you every last thing tell you everything I wanted you to remember before you decided to die or maybe I have it all wrong maybe I am the one hiding because I was the one who died but if that is true and I am dead what does that make you? certainly not alive. certainly not.

316,940

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302244, 180106, 308508, 139307 ]

blog_authorship_980975

<PERSON>: i think it would be really cool to watch someone REALLY fat slimdown to like a size 0 <PERSON>: and then <PERSON>: play with the MOUNDS of extra skin they have left <PERSON>: it would be like <PERSON>: an elbow <PERSON>: ALL OVER YOUR BODY <PERSON>: of course, you could hide stuff in there for safe keeping <PERSON>: oh man <PERSON>: that description makes me hot <PERSON>: i can only imagine <PERSON>: 'excuse me, can you hide my plastic flamingo under this here fat roll? smoothie5665: ' smoothie5665: or should I say skin roll <PERSON>: woah <PERSON>: you have to be careful <PERSON>: they might eat it.... <PERSON>: they are ex-fatties <PERSON>: you are right <PERSON>: it could be dangerous giving them a large pink bird <PERSON>: it could be dangerous giving them a handshake smoothie5665: you might come back with a stump <PERSON>: but stumps are hot smoothie5665: only when they have been eatin off though <PERSON>: by an ex-fatty

316,941

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242

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blog_authorship_980975

thank you. you gave me a good time. more than was needed. but now. i have a little stash of 'good time' for when I need it most. you made me smile. you gave me a hug. you told me I was weird. so. thank you. <PERSON>, I had a good time with you dear even though we froze are boooot-ays off can you say egg mc muffin? sure you can. for christmas I got a cat.... a little one that is fake and it has an egg and a spider HA annnywho school is tomorrrrow and that bites major anus hole and that is what I have about that pink nails......

316,942

[ 316852 ]

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blog_authorship_980975

we talked of sex for three hours that is a long time talking about fantasies and such i bought a new skirt jacket shoooooooooes oh my goodness, what a happy camper I am with spiffy new shoes i am listening to <PERSON> of goodbye frozen so i kind of think think you are swell but that doesn't really mean much does it? never really does. feel happy feel good just I wish you would

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blog_authorship_980975

<PERSON> asked me. it was random. it is cool. friday was great friday was god awful it began with <PERSON> <PERSON> and me <PERSON> at shaynas we read funny ass stories and I laughed so hard my head hurt and that was perfect then we just HAD to go to a keg in madison park and i was crabby and uninterested because I am not a fan eventually we arrived five minutes later I was on my way home more crabby more unhappy more content kind of angry but I talked to a couple of fools and fell asleep watching cooking shows can't complain saturday I hung out with my math homies <PERSON> and <PERSON> we went out to lunch and treated ourselves to FRIED ICE CREAM it was damn good then we hung about talking the rest of the day about this and that inside <PERSON>'s room I tried to play counterstrike two words I suck home again watched chocolat johnny depp, may I have your babies? sunday <PERSON>.. bowl o popcorn... lost in translation what do you think he whispered to her in the end? 'do you like rap?' 'a japanese man is checking out my butt' 'i love you' ??

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297317, 217746, 126653, 203433, 117639, 198022 ]

blog_authorship_980975

$650 in change found in man's stomach <PERSON>; The Associated Press BOSTON- French doctors were taken aback when they discovered the reason for a patient's sore, swollen belly: He had swallowed around 350 coins - $650 worth - along with assorted necklaces and needles. The 62-year-old man came to the emergency room ofCholet GeneralHospitalin westernFrancein 2002. He had a history of major psychiatric illness, was suffering from stomach pain, and could not eat or move his bowels. His family warned doctors that he sometimes swallowed coins, and a few had been removed from his stomach in past hospital visits. Still, doctors were awed when they took an X-ray. They discovered an enormous opaque mass in his stomach that turned out to weigh 12 pounds - as much as some bowling balls. It was so heavy it had forced his stomach down between his hips. Five days after his arrival, doctors cut him open and removed his badly damaged stomach with its contents. He died 12 days later from complications. One of his doctors, intensive care specialist Dr. <PERSON>, said the patient had swallowed the coins - both French currency and later euros - over about a decade. His family tried to keep coins and jewelry away from him. 'When he was invited and came in some homes, he liked to steal coins and eat them,' <PERSON> said. The case history of the French patient, whose name was withheld, was reported in today's New England Journal of Medicine. The patient's rare condition is called pica, a compulsion to eat things not normally consumed as food. Its name comes from the Latin word for magpie, a bird thought to eat just about anything. Pica can take the form of eating dirt, ashes, chalk, hair, soap, toothbrushes, burned matches and many other things. <PERSON> once treated a patient who ate forks. Most such objects are small enough to pass on their own, but some must be removed by doctors. The condition is perhaps best known in children and pregnant women but is also sometimes linked to psychiatric illness. A few details of the Frenchman's case were presented Jan. 1 along with the X-ray - but no explanation of the stomach mass - as a challenge to New England Journal of Medicine readers in a fixture called 'A Medical Mystery.' Dr. <PERSON>, an editor at the journal, reported that 666 readers in 73 countries - mostly doctors or doctors-in-training - contacted the journal to try to solve the mystery. Almost 90 percent settled on diagnoses consistent with pica, but only 8 percent correctly identified coins. 'This case serves as a reminder of important factors that should be considered in the care of patients who are mentally impaired,'Badenwrote.

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blog_authorship_980975

so much to say. break was breaky. winterball was winterbally. yeah. i got a certain letter >gasp so kind so love i am so sorry. <PERSON> turned 16 .:happybirthdaydear:. i have missed that girl lately i am aware that things have changed everyone is different is it my fault? probably. is it your fault? probably. coffee? tents? .:ringring:. so my mom is bothered by me she said that i broke his heart silly mother, silly silly mother you know nothing HAha. first day back at school was horrid as expected a bouncy ball made my lunch 'some would even say it glows....like a lightbulb' cruel intentions oh boy did I cry <PERSON> (sp?) you are too beautiful to die not much more. and she ****** his brains out what is the blank? >shrimp >exodus >tulips

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[ 316852 ]

55

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blog_authorship_980975

I saw you there that day now, I don't quite remember exactly when it happened maybe when that certain look was given at that certain moment . maybe it was when they knew before we did yes, I think that was it their certainty confirmed our ever exsisting wonder red.blue.yellow swish swish. my jacket. burning throats. that ever-longing glance. the glass had shattered. pieces were everwhere. not as easy as everyone thought. sun sun sun. cigar.cigar. need. yearn. 'i hate the way i love you' i love the way i hate you i hate love the way i you i love you, way the hate 'the things we won't do for love' everyday my circle cries everyday my thoughts die head or heart? . .. . .... .... .. . .. ........ ... . . . . . ... . . .. she sits there, not moving hardly breathing heart growing then shrinking her thoughts are blank her absence is only physical you come to find how her absence has been perfected she watches you with her eyes, expectance rising in her heart, she waits, silent spirit grows deep within her shaking palms, her eyes meet yours, no longer is her spirit there, it is suddenly taken over by a wave of shame for ever hoping, her eyes turn to puddles reflecting the silent dreams she had for this very moment. as you look into her soul with your x-ray vision of destruction you let out a small laugh. ruin her. i am sorry. i am so very sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. so sorry. all that she needed. so sorry.

316,947

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blog_authorship_980975

he noticed. he is my teacher. you don't. if you do, anyway. you remain quite quiet. the realization that you have no power is a hard thing to take to understand you think that you know what is right for you for her for him and to find out all your efforts mean nothing can be damaging there is that feeling again of losing everything and gaining what you don't want what do i want? love? hate? anger? you? Wait they don't love you like i love you. Wait they don't love you like i love you. I changed because I was tired of being like you. You stayed the same. I crave the you I used to be. I crave the me I used to be of you. funny how things work. .. .out bright green pants really steal my fancy books about impossible love shatter me yet, envelope me with fantasy mull. et. mull. over. pull. over. sail away, sail away, sail away.

316,948

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238706 ]

blog_authorship_980975

blam blam strum strum do you hear it, baby? my KEYtar? got my babies back. my pink ones. ah, sleep come to me. my day of birth was better than i could have imagined. <PERSON>. i love you. red hair hair red red hair spicy hair hair spicy i like <PERSON> i miss our talks of sex. . .. ........ shall we roll back? cookie dough faces. oh yum. you know you like it. so about me feeling all o.d.d could it be might it be b-a-c-o-n my one and only love? yep-o kind of want some canned pears pairs of pears i left my phone of cell at ainara shit son that is a bum mer camp orkila one week excited? eh who knows BOOSh

316,949

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234

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blog_authorship_980975

Want to get myself back in again, The soft dive of oblivion. Want to taste the salt of your skin The soft dive of oblivion, oblivion <PERSON> was good i met some wonderful people it was rather exciting i think i loved it i thought is was the beginning it is just the end i am tired did you know did you that my mood can be defined by my make UP I know that. if you are dreaming, are you dreaming of me? so, about <PERSON> being the greatest kid in the world, yeah 'so, <PERSON>, are you a super jew?' 'well, no, I mean, i go to temple every week, I am kosher, I don't use electronics of saturdays and I am going to <PERSON> next year' 'oh, OK' 'what is your tea average?' 'i would say about 6 cups a day' yes <PERSON>, sIx is about right late nights camp fires string cheese spooning sand-ness singing songs memories moonlight <PERSON> >grunt NAEOP pop . . . . . . .. <PERSON> shaved his head it is good i am all alone with music love love love love love love love it will work work is what it will do working is what is does it works what.a.joke. it doesn't work never working ever ever ever working how am I going to tell you? how am I going to explain? what are you going to say? nothing? are you going to care? laugh? will you believe me? you must believe me this time I do. not lie you will know you will sense the difference you will realize you won't see a joke salty kiss. i have painted my nails fingers and toes all red hows is it gunna be when you don't know me anymore.

316,950

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blog_authorship_980975

we talked of our deepest desires that day the day we only had that one second mine was simple yet so very difficult you grabbed my hand suddenly there I was a deer in the headlights you stared right into me you told me exactly every little word I needed . I wanted to stay in that moment not forever but much longer than was permited oy vay how could this have happened? I am more shocked than you. I bet. I love it. I love love. thank you . .. ..your ladybug.. .. .

316,951

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blog_authorship_980975

I wonder what my file says; this girl is cautious this girl is quite fond of her index card-color crayon master<IP_ADDRESS>peaces this girl is needing good sex this girl is in love with him, although he doesn't quite know her name this girl is watching the History channel at 4 in the AM this girl is wishing she was with you, making something out of nothing this girl is yearing for sun this girl is impatiently waiting this girl is being set up this girl is a push-over this girl is envious in all ways of the word this girl is wrapped up in herself, yet to ashamed to admit it this girl is one who gives up on people this girl is heartbroken this girl is out of control this girl is a slice of bacon , ello love

316,952

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blog_authorship_980975

so my aunt gets this new car a beast of a thing and she comes and picks me up from ellens sunday mornin' we pull into Monts kimmie... being the greatest woman ever to live gets out her vanilla ice CD then I hear it boom boom boom bada boom boom ice ice baby we crank it suddenly this old man looks at us and walks towards the car we ask 'do you need us to move?' 'Nope, I was just looking at your rims... THOSE ARE NICE!' ...boom boom boom bada boom boom... power was out i enjoyed it i smell of cloves and vanilla I miss <PERSON> really a whole lot a big big lot she is a badass now go badass, it is your birthday <PERSON> has my shoes i want them back very much so, they thought I was pregnant, HAH <PERSON> and <PERSON> you girls are a hoot addie...i am needin' some german apple pancakes <PERSON>...tap tap tap-a-roo muhahaha love is in the air it is spring I am going away for the weekend with <PERSON> I am excited I want to get away I want to buy spandex I want to get taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan boring boring boring i love <PERSON> i miss our talks of boys actually i wish there was a boy I craved so, about my mom thinking I am gay... what the fuck? just because I don't tell you about my love life, doesn't mean I don't have one. even thought I don't. still, your silent asumptions are incorrect. i just haven't met him yet. ok? ok.

316,953

[ 316852, 316916, 316903 ]

72

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blog_authorship_980975

many ringed fingers many colored diamonds many disappointments some kind of will power, i suck <PERSON> is everywhere it floats in the sunlight all exciting like 'you've got pollen on your nose' i am feeling alll funky again i would like to meet this '<PERSON>' character yes, yes i would I would like to find true love in this one person I realized today that I thrive off others love i always like someone until they like me back i seem to like the thrill of the chase now I like no one and everyone I know is finding someone i eat at the love they have once infatuation wears off i no longer bite off a chunk of their love i am never going to find someone god damn i am going to be like the woman with the tattooed hands christ' <PERSON> and I are going to the zoo. <PERSON> needs to call me back. that is what he needs to do I miss <PERSON> I do hope he is having the time of his life I want with all my heart for it to be everything he thought it would be I also feel the need for a letter? perhaps? so about the US being a scary, crazy shit hole I am moving to 'The Beach' <PERSON> and I can make whoopi all night plus, I can do whatever the hell I want WHILE being on a tropical island. all paradise like. oh yes to you please stop trying; please stop; i didn't ask for that; you won't get an answer; no more; no more of this; i thought i had made it clear; i am sorry; but, no more;no more of this;

316,954

[ 316916, 316852 ]

162

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66773, 209433 ]

blog_authorship_980975

she walks into the room she feels naked in her cacoon of secrets lost to the world of reality she tapes up her smile records her casual conversation her mind floats between between love and want she makes her way across the room full of mixed drinks and mixed emotions five jagged steps later she collapses into the unsuspecting arms of her past lover eye contact waves over in her blank stare there is suddenly a burst of memory his face makes his way through the depths of her bad dreams with her hateful hands and betrayed lips she draws him near she kisses him a knowing kiss a lating hove kiss she leans her head back and once again looks within his eyes while regret drips from her eyes her hand slides from his body unknowingly she makes her way back through the door through the hallway she crouches alone on the stairs waiting for another unfortunate lover another love hidden inside infatuation

316,955

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172

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blog_authorship_980975

na na na na na na na na nanananana 'i'm a banana' i have to say I probably ate eight cookies today and I did not need it oy i had this urge to juggle today tomorrow I wil juggle the afternoon away I have this new love for my rat. his bulging eyes his 6 inch tail his knowing of my smell and loving me for it what a wonderful cheese filled creature life is feeling kind of boring? dare I say it no not boring just uneventful full of the same things maybe this is good this normalness this pleasant, yet not thrilling, daily activity pulp fiction needs to be watched again i really need my shoes back from <PERSON> i really need you to stop being an arrogant prick and get over yourself and stop making it all about you i really need you to take some medication i really need you to stop trying so hard to be something your not i really need you to meet me so we can fool ourselves into love i really need you stop loving me i really need you to be happy again and make up dances with me i really need you to forget him for one minute i really need to stop needing so much from people i am a selfish, needy bitch good god, what I would give for the ignorance of youth finding peace in a game of kickball losing myself in a game of 'the ghosts are out tonight' singing raffi at the top of my lungs 'BANANA PHONE' my heart aches for love, or course not just love it aches for someone who will take me to star parties someone who will make me finger paint paintings for my red walls someone who will write me an 'i saw you' this mood is fragile. i should go drown myself in a movie. goodnight my loves.

316,956

[ 316852 ]

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199315, 10837, 187623, 278773 ]

blog_authorship_980975

what is with these random, short, yet extreme times of unhappiness i do not feel this is good not only am I unhappy i can't explain why that is the worst cried that day. my sunglasses masked my tears cried again. this time with laughter you are on her jock jock it, jock it, baby my mother and I made a $20 bet I am going to win and life is going to be good my hair is awful i am going to chop it all off cut chop cut chop all gone just like my soul one big rid of everything experience i love <PERSON> (and his mom) i love <PERSON> i love <PERSON> i love <PERSON> i love <PERSON> they all made me laugh really hard, what fabulous people i decided to not tell you my thoughts or feelings anymore you seem to warp my words into things they were never ment to be so next time you come to talk all you will get is a hello, i'm fine and a cold shoulder cause I am a fat bitch _URL_0_ <PERSON> drew a fat penis on my hand we laughed really hard it had hairy balls all sparse like 'don't scribble it out, it was a cool one, but I don't know how to draw the veins' joke: how many dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a lighbulb? one dirty stinkin' ape to screw in the lightbulb and eight other dirty stinkin' apes to fling feces at each other hahaha <PERSON>, you funnnnnnnnny piece of shit

316,957

null

61

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blog_authorship_980975

today was beauty with the emphasis on the <PERSON> i tumbled off the 4 to the 8 <PERSON> and <PERSON> by my side we gobble the finest grub we prance to the etum of the arbor we collapse next to the dead pond frogs sit silent we lounge like lizards in the daisies conversing with our books becoming brown beans the sun heats up my skin until I can't breathe <PERSON> and i prance up the trail of hidden rocks and begin our journey first off in the distance what is that? oh good god, yes it is, it is a naked old man penis dear lord hold your mouth do not embarrass the poor man with your booming cackle at his flopping manhood we scamper into more unknown trails remember the smells of our youth both telling stories stories we already knew but wanted to hear again after wandering every trail we find ourselves back at the dead pond we chat more of every sort of thing sun is coming down we all prance back to the home of mine off my buddies go here I go to buy myself sushi.

316,958

[ 316916, 316852 ]

50

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blog_authorship_980975

today <PERSON> and i were walking towards her sisters car I didn't have a particularly bad day the sun was shining always provides a smile but there sitting on the hood of her sisters hood i realized why i had been feeling distressed and awkward today was no ordinary sunny day while most of you found no difference, for me every minute of the day held signifigance I fell so happy I could burst but at the same time i felt I was missing out on something today was a day for my soul mate and me today held memory in every blink today i yearned for the one I love today i lost the one I love today i found that my soul mate exists there was something strange in the air today I couldn't explain it to <PERSON> in everyway that it was fluttering through my brain i wanted to devour everyone in the beauty I felt yet i wanted to break down in my sorrow while I know I sound ridiculous and you probably are thinking I am surely absurd I most likely am but something about the sun today gave me an overwhelming feeling

316,959

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blog_authorship_980975

if I can make you ____ again then the ___ will begin again 'that position is hot' i thought so too. so i am a hypocritical whore i am a liar i love then i hate i hate then i love today was what i chose to do not you not her not him me. no one to blame but myself and so far i place no blame so far my decision has proved wise so please don't yell and please don't tell me i am wrong because you don't know what is or isn't good for me nor do I but i know better than you i am inside my head don't try to get in here it is my head not yours ok? ok.

316,960

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blog_authorship_980975

There's no need to argue anymore. I gave all I could, but it left me so sore. And the thing that makes me mad, Is the one thing that I had, I knew, I knew, I'd lose you. You'll always be special to me, Special to me, to me. And I remember all the things we once shared, Watching T.V. movies on the living room armchair. But they say it will work out fine. Was it all a waste of time? 'Cause I knew, I knew, I'd lose you. You'll always be special to me, Special to me, to me. Will I forget in time, You said I was on your mind? There's no need to argue, No need to argue anymore. There's no need to argue anymore.

316,961

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162

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blog_authorship_980975

i am going through a <PERSON> phase formerly the artist formerly known as <PERSON> formerly (the unspeakable symbol) now <PERSON>. he must have mad sex appeal cause i don't think he is very attractive. but his music damn homie. falling asleep at weird parts of the day not feeling myself yet another funk? > you know what I hate? well, this is it. when you demonstrate love for someone and care and compassion and concern and they turn it into you being the ass hole the one who doesn't know what they are talking about i just want to shout 'fuck you bitch, sorry that i showed concern, i won't ever care about you again' the worst is when they ASK you to tell them what you think and again, they proceed to get angry 'i hope you guys fix each other' why do you still talk to me when everything i do pisses you off so much sorry that i am so horrible maybe you shouldn't talk to me maybe then you wouldn't have to bitch at me about every flaw you find in my personality fuck you FUCK YOU baby you are much too fast. honey you have got to slow it down. SMALL MEDIUM LARGE .tears. why is it that when everything is going ok boooooom i am hit with a blow so big i can't function my brain is moving too fast it is so tired so very tired .,...,,.,,.,.,.,.,,,..,,,..,,., i am tired of missing missing so much and not being missed back is it pathetic to want to be missed? yes. >insert gnarly guitar solo here that was <PERSON> man can that guy <PERSON>? yes. i am counting UFO's. I signal them with my lighter . and in this moment. i am happy. i wish you were. here.

316,962

[ 316894, 316852, 316916 ]

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blog_authorship_980975

you shouldn't say things like that to someone like me you should know that no, actually you shouldn't but i wish you would have said nothing nothing doesn't keep me up at night nothing doesn't turn me upside down so, what is the deal with that bizness? buzz.buzz. i watched adaptation i loved it more than i can explain 'life is composed of what you love, not what loves you' i saw you watching me through your secret window we winked a knowing wink cause that is what we do. no speaking. no acting as if we have ever met. simply a wink. do you like these winks? i no longer wish for this secret window. so you wrote me back it had been so long you gave me advice i like you you are so mysterious yet i know you when are you going to send me on a grand adventure? another task perhaps? sorry i failed the first mission. you know i tried.

316,963

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blog_authorship_980975

you are so sad and i try so hard to make you do anything laugh smile cry talk i don't know what you want from me you seem to want something otherwise you wouldn't call every day and i love your calls and i only get frustrated because i love you so much and you mean so much to me and to have you be so sad makes me cry and i don't know what to do and you don't know what you want me to do and it is so hard when you say nothing at all . i am sorry i am fucking stupid but i also feel like i shouldn't apologize because i try so very hard and you never try and you never say you are sorry . we need to have a day . i know that it won't magically make your life wonderful but i would like to make your day wonderfully wonderful . would you believe here we are again and this time i don't work like i am suppose to things aren't going as they are suppose to i am not suppose to have a life you are suppose to be my life . well you left my life so i got a new one sorry if it backfired on you things won't ever be the same don't go looking for the same . look for something new even [gasp] better?

316,964

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blog_authorship_980975

torn apart inside a blender has moved from smoothies to my heart . please don't touch me it hurts so bad . please touch me it hurts so good . what is it that you want from me? . i can't be who you want me to be . i am a secretly shy girl movies are my marijuana music breaks my heart he does also i love my lips and my eyes i hate myself i am full of others passions i love but what, i do not know i am lonely i am full of lies i expect more from people or maybe i am right people were ment to let me down i love too much i don't love enough i am sorry i am never good enough you are never good enough food comforts my soul like no person can my brain is full of over analysis no one could ever love me because i can never love me what an unfortunate tradegy. tears no longer drown sorrow. my fake smiles are shattering. let go. jump in. what are you waiting for. its alright. there is beauty in the breakdown. breakdown.

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blog_authorship_980975

spite n. 1.Malicious ill will prompting an urge to hurt or humiliate. all you did was humiliate yourself. your immature act will be ignored. i am a bitch. i am a slut. i am happy now. so fuck you. do as you wish. i will do as i wish. the worst part is all you can do is take away. and even you you do take you will not win what you take. i fucked up. i am not going to regret this time. i am tired of regret. never talk to me again. fine. hate me. fine. but don't fuck things up between me and the people i care about most. my friends are your friends you will have to deal with this fact. get used to me being in the room. i am more than willing to have a talk. i am more than willing to stop what has just begun. but please stop being immature. because it causes drama that is much not needed. you want me to stop. i will. say the word. but you must remember you said the word start before. and you went back on your word. you know that i cared. but you said it was ok. now it isn't. ok. i can deal with that. but you should never ever have given the go ahead if it was all a load of shit. cause it will and has fucked everything in the ass hole. sorry i am salty bitch. i was made that way. this fucking whore is out. .:peace:.

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blog_authorship_980975

july 4th. oh what a night. begin: 5:00pm casa de ellen futbol game greece wins 5:30pm bomb nosh life 6:00pm the house of <PERSON> run 8:07pm Billy me crying full understanding no understanding i love you 8 miles and more would i bike in the rain i promise. 8:43pm caroline phone rings reality 9:32pm ish wallingford park fireworks drunks dancing kissing screaming bums losing dollar bills 10 something perhaps 11 something they move upstairs we hoot . , . sorry you were unable to attend . . would you have cared? lovebites. incredible ness was that the word? i am a comparison. i am used. i am that girl. . . .... ... ..oops. what has gotten into me? went to the concert of <PERSON> it was wonderful absolutly heart breaking good . as it was ment to be. i have to kitties now. so much love. . what do you think of me now? . slut.

316,967

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74

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blog_authorship_980975

recently. i have been feeling like a horrid person. and i would like to openly apologize to every person. i know it won't mean what it should. but i ought to be said. who first? Dear ******, I am sorry. For anything I ever did to make you doubt. You are my love. You know this. My soul sista, as we used to put it. Dear ******, I am sorry. For not loving you the way you love me. I am sorry. That you can't be around me anymore. I miss you often. I hate that I turn your mood sour. I never ment to do so. Someday, when our love is equal, we shall make sandwiches that are godly and dance along to run dmc sounding from your blaster of ghetto. Dear ****, I am sorry. For not being a good person to you. Although we will always have differences, and I know we will never be as we used to. I treated you with the ut-most disrespect, that which you did not deserve. I will always have my thoughts about you and you for me. but i do wish you to know. that I cherish you as someone who understands the tangle that is me. always picking up where we left off. never time for discomfort. this apology doesn't deserve to be accepted, for it is too late. but i want it to be said. i am always up for sober fun with you. i am always up to chat for hours with a coffee in my hand. you mind is a web i don't understand, and never will, but that i have grown to understand. so now all that is left. is to say, you deserve love. more than many people i know. and i do hope you find it. and i hope that that person loves you. these things ought to be said. they ought to. Dear *********, I am sorry. For ever allowing you to leave my life the way you have. I am sorry that you felt you weren't good enough. when really perhaps you were just too good and there wasn't enough of you to be shared with me. I check up on you often. I ask people how you are. Happy i have heard as of late. always good to hear. I miss you every day. I often think about calling you, but I feel it is too late. I know you are probably laughing at this. thinking that I don't really care. but I do. whether you think so or not. and. I guess all I want to say is. you are wonderful. and. a mystery to me. remain happy my dear, it suits you beautifully. Dear *****, I am sorry. For letting you slip so far away. I am sorry that I wasn't good enough. You know that i love you. and. my friend you shall always be. I am sorry you lost your spark. I hope that someday soon you will find it. on that day. I shall tell you the secret of schmidt and you will understand the stub. Dear you, and you , and you, I am sorry. if you only knew how my heart swells. leave not room for regret. things just might unfuck themselves. today I want to meet you. our soberness will envelope us. and our understanding. will make us love.

316,968

[ 316916 ]

162

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blog_authorship_980975

half of what I say is meaningless, but i say it just to reach you. you could cut the sexual tension with a knife. that drunk girl rubbed me the wrong way. damn. i am <PERSON>'s piano i am <PERSON>'s piano operation >get tan is failing rather dramatically <PERSON> is back in town. we shall bond like we have never before. when the clock strikes midnight where will your feet be? mine, you ask? dancing to the lime and coconut. <PERSON> is there nothing I can take? i said <PERSON> to relieve this belly ache. come on. just come on. come on *****. you fucked up so monsterously that the thought of your face increases the chance of vomiting woo, i would hate to be wearing your shoes, bitch. shake you butt. like a stupid slut. like a stupid slut .

316,969

[ 316916, 316852 ]

11

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blog_authorship_980975

everything seems to have fallin apart at the seeeeeeeems?seams? yet put itself together again but the pieces don't fit no no no fitting is not what they are doing . god damn . why won't they just fit .maybe. just for a week? the more I try to be a better person the more I fail. listening to her cry. made my heart hurt. i am sorry. i sat on your roof that morning. all alone. the sky was turning pink, but still blue. that between period right before the sun. appears. my shooting star no longer able to be seen. i wanted to call someone. have them rescue me from my content loneliness. instead i crawled back through the window back into your bed back into your arms because you can't escape reality because you will never know what you want and nothing will ever be perfect. can't go a lookin for good conversation. well this mood is unfortunate. donut kisses. i said i didn't need you anymore. i ment i didn't need you anymore. i don't feel the way you think. you are a poor unfortunate soul.

316,970

[ 316916, 316852 ]

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224281 ]

blog_authorship_980975

i n m y d r e a m w e m a d e l o v e a n d i t w e n t i n t o t h e a i r a n d i n t o t h e n e a r e s t a n i m a l s [mice]t h e y i n t u r n t o o k t h a t l o v e a n d m a d e m o r e f o r t h e n e x t f o r t u n a t e a n i m a l s [us ] twice . double the love, baby. double the love. i told <PERSON> i loved her. because she is so great. i bailed on <PERSON>. because i am turning into one of those people i hate and bitch about what the fuck?> things are going pretty good. i am very content. well that is a lie. content I will never be. but i am feeling closer. <PERSON> and I made bean dip. giggity giggity. shoot them in the head, their dead. so <PERSON> knows my feelings more than she should. hahahaha. that is so pathetic i can barely handle it. remember when <PERSON> was <PERSON>? and she dyed her hair brown and it turned a brighter orange? then we were both cats and <PERSON> was there and so were <PERSON> and <PERSON> in fat suits and my ears got run over -crunch- i have been searching lately what you ask? who am I? oh, <PERSON>, you are SO deep. oy vay. i just wish I had a passion. something that would keep me from sitting on this dumb computer writing this bull shit. can a person be your passion? yes. no. i can make a vagina out of my arm fat. yummy. - - - my skin smells like you. - - - does yours smell like me?

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null

11

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174396 ]

blog_authorship_980975

i hope that when I meet you if that day really does come that I won't fall in love with you because that would ruin my plan and my plan worked for me so, if you could just do me this favor and not let me fall in love with you shit i am worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrried about you and you and you oh yes, and you so I would really like to know the reason for you extreme salty whore-ness could you fill me in? i better get up and move my feet so, as um cliche? as this may sound i found peace yesterday in an odd place <PERSON> was laying about in the sun I was getting back to my younger years in the pool beside her i decided to float on my back aimlessly, hoping not to bump my head i close my eyes and just floated around and everything was just good sorry i told you i was going to cry i didn't want you to have to deal with that now then, lets get back to nature.

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162

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blog_authorship_983609

Bridge School Benefit Big Sur, Bridge School, and San Francisco were all great this weekend. We had a fun night of frolicking drunk in the trees and then woke up with pounding heads yet happy hearts. We even saw zebras on the roadside yet I think they were only zonkeys. We ate outside the entrance of a Ralphs and looked liked vagrants to the old women with their stink faces and evil eyes. The Bridge School show had awful sound but there were some cool parts. Wilco was great, they played to <PERSON> songs, including Jesus Christ for President, and three of their own. Counting Crows was ok, they covered Friend of the Devil by the Grateful Dead. Pearl Jam was awesome. I am officially back on the PJ train after that show. They sounded the best and brought the best mojo to the show. They opened with the most haunting version of <PERSON>'s Masters of War that I've ever heard, and then went to couple of their own songs. They then then played 25 seconds to go by <PERSON> and I nearly jumped out of my pants. Mass repect to <PERSON> for that. Then <PERSON> came on and he was completely stoned. It was a great set. CSN&Y finished things off and were great as well. We then drove to our hotel room and happened to cover inch of floorspace that was available except the tub. We woke up and went to San Francisco to walk a lot and eat bad Chinese food. We then road back to SoCal on our horses to see the hills on fire. I know so many people affected by these fires. I know a couple guys in Simi, five in the mist of the San Diego blazes, and about 10 families in the Big Bear/Arrowhead/Crestline area. It's incredible to think that so much of the mountains in San Bernadino are gone and entire towns could be wiped out. I'm going to be praying a lot today. I think a lot of people are. I'm going to get comments on this site soon.

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blog_authorship_983609

I Hate This Computer I'm writing to y'all from a broken, open computer that only seems to want to turn on once every twenty times I try. So I'll make things quick. Updates: 1) Got a girlfriend, seriously. She's great, she's cute. I'm lucky. I don't want to screw this up. 2) I thought I was working for Best Buy but they never call to work. They're all flakes. Now I'm trying to go Radio Shack. If Best Buy doesn't want me, I'll go straight to their competition. 3) I got an interview with this shady company that I soon found out was a pyramid scheme. I spent most of the day in Oxnard trying to sell electronics items at wholesale prices. I felt like I was scaming people. I probably was. Still looking for honest work. 4) A couple of my friends are now in jail, in Oregon. It's a crazy situation. More on this later. Other than this stuff, life is still the same in Burbank. Boring. I need to win the Lottery. So I could travel and open a nice bar. I'd called it O'Sycz's. I know, it's not that catchy.

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blog_authorship_983609

Old Zoo My sister <PERSON> took me to the urlLink Old Zoo in Griffith Park yesterday. I always wanted to see it because I heard about the old cages there ffrom the 1930s and all the old tagging. I was disappointed to see the Parks Services paint over all the graffii. So if you feel marking some walls and cages up, I would encourage you to go with some friends and have at it there. The sis and I did hike a lot in the hills and ventured around other areas of the park that I haven't seen for years. It's really cold in house right now. My room, since it is an old addition, doesn't have proper insulation and I can usually see my own breath in the mornings. I think I'm going to fire up the portable heater to keep me warm tonight. But I can't complain. This weather is way better than 100 degree heat.

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blog_authorship_983609

<PERSON> I went down to Whittier for all pagan's day. And as a long standing tradition, I disappointed myself with my lack of effort in my choice of costume. I paid $15 for the worst priest outfit I could find and had a holy water container filled with whiskey. The guys at the bayou decided to throw a small party that turned into a rockin bash. If you can imagine a party being thrown in New York subway at rush hour, you can how much personal space was being violated there. I got to chill and talk with some good people, drink a little and then close out the party at 2am. I woke up 8am, drank some coffee, and hang out with my <PERSON> as he was hung over on the other(bigger) couch at the Bayou. I didn't envy him, I've been in his shoes many times before. Soon after that, hung out and ate at Nimo's, and then cleaned up the house. After that, <PERSON> noticed that there was an garage under the house that was locked and we preceeded, with <PERSON>, to break the lock and discover what treasures we had. Through the dank, dusty, cludured space we found many dead spiders, and old furniture. It ends up the space was keeping things left behind by the owner's deceased mother. There was some old 78s in there so all was not lost. It would have been better there was some gold in there. Or at least some old clothing of the male persuation that would fit me. After that I cleaned up, and saw a movie with my friend <PERSON> and her roommates. It was the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It wasn't the best movie in the world but I had good company. After that I hung out with <PERSON>, and then went home. Good times, good people.

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blog_authorship_983609

Don't worry.... Nothing Really Happened Nothing has really happened since the last post. No job. I have of applications out there but they probably won't be read til at least January 5. I can tell you that manager at the Big 5 in Burbank is a jerk. Don't go there. But if you do go, make sure to ask for <PERSON> and give him a sealed envelope in which there is a diploma which says, '<PERSON> of Big 5 is hereby declared a Complete Ass.' I think he will like that. Make sure to congradulate him and shake his hand. And if you are an employer, please be kind to the people that are trying to find work with your company. They have feelings and ambitions just like you. Because you never know if that person you spit on today, will be your new employer in the future. And if you care to do so, I'm apply at my old alma mater for a position in the admissions department and would like your prayers . In my own eyes, I feel that I'm very qualified to take on the job, seeing that I've worked in the admissions department for a year, I know the school like the back of my hand, I've given so much of my time to Biola through service and even promoting the school, but you never know what can happen. I've been shut out of much lesser positions(Wells Fargo is hereby declared a Complete Ass), and many, many doors have been shut in my face. My girlfriend is in China for 6 weeks and I miss her terribly. It's nice that I still talk to her on the phone but it's very rarely that I do because of the expense. She will be coming back on January 22. I can't wait. I hate patience. So I hope that all your Christmas/Hanukuah/Kwanzaa wishes came through and that the New Year will be good. I hope mine will be better.

316,977

[ 316953 ]

204

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blog_authorship_983609

My Curse I think that I'm cursed. The curse that is upon me is one that prevents me from obtaining employment. I know that there are jobs out there. I apply for a lot of them. I never get them. Bad luck wind been blowing at my back. Maybe I should start my own crime syndicate. Start with petty crime at first and then move my way up to extortion and assasination jobs. Or maybe not. Maybe being a cop is not that bad of an idea.

316,978

[ 316952 ]

195

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blog_authorship_983609

The Day After Yesterday, I had my second interview with <PERSON> and it went well. Though I don't really expect to get hired. The other interviewees seemed much more adapted to that kind of work. Hopefully I'm just fooling myself. I pick up <PERSON> from the airport today, hopefully. I worry that the flight might delayed because her visa in China ran out yesterday and that can pose some problems for her departure. Though when I hear her voice from SFO I'll be feeling better. Hopefully someone other than myself is reading this because none of my friends are being updated. And no one has responded my posts for about a month. Maybe I should post a question to the internet masses? What is your favorite cartoon of all-time? Let's see if that works. [Listening to Blur's 13]

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blog_authorship_983609

Update So I didn't get this job at Biola. They just strung me along for a ride for about two months before I saw the mail this morning and received a letter finally telling me that I'm not good enough. They could have at least called me and saved themselves 34 cents. My money situation is very bad right now and I'm continuing my job search with the direction of applying at as many school districts as I can. I should be able to get a job as a substitute. Anything to get me out of this house. In other news, <PERSON> is a Cub again. I would write more about this but life sucks too much.

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blog_authorship_983609

I feel wronged. I know I did everything that I could have possibly done in my relationship with <PERSON> to make things work. To show her how much I love her and care for her. I wonder if I was in her situation and she was in mine would she would do the same as I did for her? Was I fooled? Was I blind to what was really going on? Was I taken advantage of? And what do I do now? Do I continue to love her as before? Should I wait? There is a battle in me fighting for what would be right and good and for what God wants me to do. She said that God revealed to her that we are not suppose to be together. Why didn't He tell me this? In fact, I felt God told me the exact opposite. I cannot reconcile this in my head or my heart. So do I protect my heart or risk it being tortured some more? I've been told a lot of different things and I don't know who to believe. I almost wish that she cheated on me or found someone else or any number of other reasons that could have happened. At least I could deal with that. She still has my heart. And I don't want it back.

316,981

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blog_authorship_983609

How It Started When I was 7 or 8 years old, I loved to throw a racket ball against our chimney outside and play catch with myself. I spent hours at a time doing this. Using a glove I've had for about 4 years at that point, I worked on my hand-eye coordination to prepare for little league. One day I was playing just as i have been many days before and threw it in such a way that i bounced that racket ball into the alley right behind our house. Now, i have done this many times before hand but this day was different. i went to retrieve the ball and noticed at black audio tape right against the wall of the karate studio that was the other side of the alley. I venture over 20 feet out of my way and pick up this tape that is says, ' The Who - Who's Last'.

316,982

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blog_authorship_983609

wow. I haven't posted in a long time. I have been pretty busy at work yet there have been plenty of times to write. It's just hard to start writing when you have not done it in awhile. I've been reading a lot about <PERSON> lately. Someone needs to make a movie about him. This Saturday will be six months since I started dating <PERSON>. In hindsight, comparing these last six months to the one's previous, is like comparing night and day. I can't believe how lucky I am.

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blog_authorship_983609

The Tree urlLink On Friday morning at the Blue Bayou, my safe house in Whittier, part of the tree in the backyard fell. It looks like it caused by rot. Now there is no shade for the porch. Too bad. Just another brick in the wall for our friends. Life has been hard and this tree is symbolic of what we are all going through.  urlLink urlLink another view  urlLink urlLink another view  urlLink urlLink the problem  urlLink urlLink from above  urlLink

316,984

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blog_authorship_983609

So I got a call today from my boss and he told me not to come into work on Monday. I knew I was laid off but was told earlier that I would be working till the end of the month. Now I am officially jobless again. It's just another brink in the wall. It's been a pretty rough month for my friends and I. Lots of bad stuff happening. But that's life. So who wants to hire me?

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blog_authorship_983609

Do you ever go through some days that you suddenly feel the weight of everything in your world come down on you? Days that seem if one brick in the wall that you trying to build is not there that your whole world is going to fall? I felt that around 10:30pm tonight. I start my EMT classes on the 17th of August, which is conducted on every Tuesday and Thursday from 5pm to 9:30pm. And it looks like, because of the schedule, that I will not be able attend <PERSON>'s Wedding. I can't miss a class. I'm also waiting to see if I get a substitute teaching job in Whittier. This will(God willing) provide my income to live in the Whittier area. It would be awesome for all this to work out.

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blog_authorship_983609

I got a job for the next month. This is really nice seeing that if I get hired fo substitute teaching I will not be working till September. I will be taking inventory for Media warehouse, 40 hours a week, from 4:30pm to 1:00 am. I miss being in Maine right now. But not so much for the actual location. August 21 cannot come soon enough. I'm try to write this essay on love right now but my thoughts are all over the place. I'll post it when I get it done. urlLink <PERSON> is back from Guati. Good times.

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blog_authorship_983609

I'm at Disneyland with nothing too profound to say. I feel like I've been on a road trip the last little while, so I feel it's appropriate to blog about my adventures. I had a deep fried twinkie yesterday at the fair in V-town. The fair was fun. I rode on the Chris Faris Wheel. There was a ride there called Magnum. It spun in circles and featured <PERSON> face- for serious. I also say my grandma. She seems sad. It brings me down. She's got cancer, for those of you who don't know. Pray for her. <PERSON> is hugging me right now. It is nice. The Dodgers are 30-10 in their last 40. Pretty good. They've really suffered since the trade. Bachin' this weekend. I stand to win lots of dough. I stand to sweat much. Then it's off to Seattle... and back... and off to a wedding... then Hawaii again... then Bridge School... then Colorado... then Brazil... then Costa Rica... eat my shorts FOO. Hugs and Humps- Jessers

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blog_authorship_983609

well, i'm hitting the road on monday. it'll be a good trip i've decided as the locations grow and so do the miles. i'm not really finding the direct route from stanwood, wa to philadelphia, but that's ok. i went shooting today with my brother-in-law up on alger mtn. there's a pair of gravel pits there we always go. pretty nice to shoot stuff with guns. we've found that bowling pins are the best targets. they don't break apart because of the plastic casing and are made of oak so they're strong and heavy and reusable. i'm not sure how many other good uses there are in the world for bowling pins, but i'm sure there's quite a few. perhaps i'll name some now. -you can bowl with them -with enough of them you can use them as weights to drown things in rivers or whatever -they'd break a window -i think they would work as a peg leg if attached just below the knee -modern art -you can make funny looking people if you have a sharpie and a bowling pin -a few bowling pins and you can fashion a makeshift crucifix -try carrying a couple bowling pins when you run, the pounds will melt off like butter -they're good for target shooting -they'll pass for a last minute trophy if necessary (sharpie also needed for this application of the bowling pin) -good for testing gravity ...and these are just a few things i can figure off the top of my head. try making your own list of interesting things bowling pins are good for...you'll be surprised!!!!!

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blog_authorship_983609

<PERSON> - I wanted to thank you so so much for monopolizing my entire day (the part not spent drinking coffee, smoking or reading urlLink fark ) by sharing with me your access to the audio archives of the urlLink coast to coast radio program. though i will certainly devote more hours (and by hours i mean entire nights follwed by red-eyed mornings) listening to <PERSON> and <PERSON> and their frequently odd and semi-quixotic guest talk about the fringe of reality, (and by reality i mean the stuff we actually think is true... like giants) i wish that there was a way that i could do the whole thing at once. unfortunately i have to drive to pasadena now and spend time with real life people eating non-organic and super fatty foods. the <PERSON> have invited me up to see them while they are in town and i must heed the call. but when i get back i am going to listen to the totality of the july 28th 2004 show... you should as well. wish me luck among the fringe shadow cars lurking on the evil 605 freeway farewell

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14

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blog_authorship_983609

I sat in the middle of hwy 90 and watched blue planes loudly fly over my head. it sounded like they were ripping the sky in two. they blew smoke out their butts and twisted around, upside down. it was neat. blue angels. seafair 2004. it made me confident that with these machines we can kick anybody's ass in the world and make them go deaf at the same time. hung out with b. he's almost philly-bound. i will miss him. it will be cool though, because <PERSON> and i will be able to see him a decent amount when we move to nyc. i am going to go play horse. i am better than you are. so stick it, foo'!

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168433, 313055 ]

blog_authorship_983609

I started jump roping a few days a go. I did not realize how much jump roping will hurt one's back. Gosh dang, my back is really sore this mid-morning. I don't even really care if I have a sexy looking back or not. Really, the only thing that is worth working on are the abs. If you have healthy potent abs, you're good to go. Pecks are a close second. Pecks and abs, a cup of coffee and <PERSON> covering Sweet Thing is all I need. Two out of four isn't too bad. <PERSON> illegally downloaded <PERSON> singing Moon River . It is so very good. I'm going to the Dodger game toninght. It should be fun. It always is. I drove Boyz to Men to the House of Blues last night. They were all very nice, though they couldn't stop beat boxing and harmonizing. Honestly- everything from the Motel Six jingly (complete with <PERSON> impressions) to Everly Brothers' to simple, normal conversations. They handed out roses during their big hit that sounds like a <PERSON> song. <PERSON> was there, big hair and all. It was good. Pray for my Grandma. Hugs and Kisses. <PERSON>

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blog_authorship_986006

someone once said that <PERSON> is a great sociologist. i think that might have been <PERSON>...anyway, it's true. he watches our trend patterns and trips us up in the worst way possible. i don't know everything that's been going down, and i don't need to know. but GOD DID NOT GIVE US A SPIRIT OF TIMIDITY...we are here to fight the good fight. please pray for us as we are all battling our own demons. i know that i, personally, forget how real spiritual warfare is, and that there's a constant battle for our souls. what a great Dad we have upstairs. psalm 60:12 says, 'With God we will gain the victory, and he will trample down our enemies.' i belive this to the fullest and i know just as the flowers in the field, and the birds of the air, He will meet our every need. thanks to everyone who has supported us financially, through prayer and encouragment.

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blog_authorship_986006

today all the girls got to move across campus into apartments!! we are so blessed to have such a ridonkulous amount of spacious goodness, and a beautiful view of the lake/pond thingy. props to all the men here...they were all amazing in helping us pack up our millions of shoes and make up bags. they even carried purses. it was magical. ps. here's a sweet verse i wanted to share. enjoy! Romans 15:5-6 (NASV) 'For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragment of the scriptures we might have hope. May the God who gives endurance and encouragment give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow <PERSON>, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord <PERSON>.

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151

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blog_authorship_986006

Went to Chicago this weekend with the D-group. We got this sweet deal at the Westin, a nice 5-star hotel right on the Chicago River, with many ritzing posh people staring at us poor college students with our Jansport backpacks and Thrift Store t-shirts. It was way amusing, especially hearing our neighbor's phone conversation about the 3 pairs of shoes he bought 'for only $1600.' Sheesh... some people just need to write a check to OU with my name on it so I can get to class!.... Anyways.... Went to the Sears Tower, John Hancock center (went to the 95th floor and to take pictures), the Art Institute, the Chicago Public Library (biggest library in the nation), Navy Pier, and, by far the coolest thing ever: WRIGLEY FIELD! That has been my dream since a baby, and I got a picture outside of it with a sign that said 'Hey Dad' to send to my dad for Father's Day. It was so great. I have a completely new appreciation for public transportation, that's for sure. But anyway.... we're starting our fourth week here in Elgin, and it's been great... besides the hordes of pre-teens who have moved into Judson for soccer camp. There were about a billion moms in vans dropping off their soccer kids.... I could just imagine them saying 'soccer' with an Illinois accent.. you know what I mean. Other than that chaos it's been pretty great. Well, I've ramled on enough. I'm off to start some intense inductive that I need to get done by tomorrow!

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blog_authorship_986006

This last weekend was D-Group weekend. All the groups went on some sort of road-trip/outing fri. night through Sunday night. Most of them got a phat deal on a hotel of _URL_0_... and toured the downtown area. I went to the famous metroplex of Des Moines, Ia to hang out with my grandpa. One the way home I stoppped by the place where they filmed ' urlLink Feild of Dreams ' It was pretty cool! I even bought some 'Dream Dirt' from the gift shop...

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blog_authorship_986006

Right now it's 5:45 in the morning. <PERSON> and I are staffing the fitness center here at Judson. The fitness center isn't open in the summers, but we persuaded them to let us in in the mornings for just the project to use it. Well, after much hassle with going through all the proper channels etc, we come to work out yesterday, and they didn't tell us that the free weight room is being remodeled. So, Since the weight room is out of commission, we're left with some elyptical machines and some cable weights. What's so funny about this post, you ask yourself? 34 people raised there hand to say they wanted to work out here, but right now I'm watching <PERSON> do push-ups, and <PERSON> on the elyptical....

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blog_authorship_986006

Okay...this is going to sound really cheesy, but tonight was the first night I felt like I could call Judson, 'home.' We had a fiesta night, donned with crepe paper, tacos and a human pinata!--and the feel of the room was so real...like a family. 'Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.' Colossians 3:15

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blog_authorship_986006

We gave our 2 weeks notice to the boss the other day. It was terribly sad... especially since the other girls wrote a note to tell the bosses and didn't just talk to them in person. I thought that was pretty hilarious, like a break-up note or something, too shameful to talk to them in person. Anyways... I can't believe there's only 3 weeks left... or in my case, 2 weeks (I have to leave a few days early... new news for me!). This place has become so dear to me and it feels like I haven't known this whole entire time that Project Impact will end at one point. Hopefully they'll have it here again next year. BUGS. I abhor them like Romans 12:9 tells us to abhor sin... well, maybe not that much. I was sitting in my rocker chair that I found for only $7 at Goodwill facing the window, and I was munchin on some really good ice cream. Well, there was a hole in the screen, so <PERSON> thought it would be a bright idea to put our fan in front of it so the bugs wouldn't come in. Well much to our dismay this hole-covering-fan actually turned out to be a huge suction for tiny little bugs just minding their own business flying past our window. I was about to take a bite of my fudge-revel ice cream from Meijer's when I see it... it was like slow motion... this bug flying through the fan through the hole.... we made eye contact as he was hurled head first into the pit of ice cream dispair. I let out a yell like there was no tomorrow as we watched the poor creature struggle for his last breath amidst the sweet creamy pool of melted Meijer ice cream.... We taped up the hole right after that.

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blog_authorship_986006

well...we have a third of the summer left. it seems so long, yet so short. i would like to share with you, my top five of the summer, so far. in no particular order. 1. the steak and shake experience. i admit, it is quite humbling working a drive thru for <PERSON>. i'm so glad i've done it. other perks include, the magical dishwashing machine you can get a facial from through the flying food particles and steam, thin and crispy fries, and the fun pins we get to add to our uniform as we get certified in different areas. sewiously. i have three, and they better not want them back. 2. campus prayer. i'm so spiritual for including this. it's been really neat learning about the lives of students around the country and knowing that we all share in the same struggles, yet are unique in our own way. 3. <PERSON> and <PERSON>. i wonder what will happen to <PERSON> and <PERSON> when the have to break-up at the end of the summer? you guys are a funny pair, though, and i'll always appreciate the time after <PERSON>'s surprise party when we shared 'special stories'. 4. deep dish pizza goodness. i couldn't make a top five and not include this. it has forever changed my life and is the passion of my heart and the theme of my praise. not unlike the holy spirit, cheesecake and kite flying. 5. the amazing two-story carousel at the st. charles mall. it was the best dollar i've ever spent. enough said.

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blog_authorship_986006

today was great! really, our festivities began last night, with a paddleboat ride in st. charles. we had a boat to ourselves...very relaxing. except for those who rode the pony. i think they were pretty tired by the time we docked. :) click urlLink here to check out a few pictures. today, we had an awesome prayer walk time around campus. we had six different stations we prayed at, for missionaries from our respective college campuses. i prayer walked with miss <PERSON> and mr. <PERSON>...pretty cool. tonight we all ventured out to a park across the street from campus. we cooked hot dogs and played baseball, typical american things, in honor of the birth of our country. and don't think we didn't sing happy birthday to the u. s. of a., because we did. hope everyone had a fantastic, magical and enchanting fourth of july, as well. we're HALFWAY! i can't believe it. gotta go do more inductive...seriously. more group dates! less inductive!

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blog_authorship_989359

I guess I was sort of trying to ignore it, but the fact that I still don't have a job (and my mother's forceful words) encouraged me to go to the unemployment office today. Thanks to urlLink <PERSON> for accompanying me. So, it's official I guess. I'm unemployed. Yeah, I'm actually considering taking <PERSON> up on his offer for a job at Blockbuster...if it's still good. Shit. I think I need to move out of the suburbs.

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204

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blog_authorship_989359

I'm counting the days until I get to sit at the start line. I'm pretty sure I should have heard the gunshot by now. Too bad debt creeps in without a sound and pins me for life. Back to school? Someday. Right now, I'm trying to forget through frequent use of sedatives. Take one valium down, pass the bottle around. 98 bottles of pills on the wall. I unwind the clock just to pass the time more slowly. And the sun doesn't dissapear as fast when you drive towards it at 85 miles per hour. If I could, I would chase the urlLink sun forever.

317,003

null

169

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blog_authorship_989359

You're Cat's Cradle ! by <PERSON> You believe quite firmly that free will deserted you long ago and far away. As a result, it's hard to take responsibility for anything. Even though you show great potential as a leader of a small 3rd world country, the choices are all made ahead of time. You're rather fond of games involving string. Your fear of nuclear weaponry is trumped only by your fear of ice. Take the urlLink book quiz if you dare.

317,004

[ 316984 ]

9

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blog_authorship_989359

urlLink You ever have those days where dancing the Charleston makes you invent things? I bet you don't. I'm just not seeing it happen. That would never happen to the likes of you. Me or possibly urlLink <PERSON> ? Yes. I must informally inform you that sometimes. Things go wrong. They go way wrong, and then you realize. That you have no idea what wrong is. It's like the wrong. Is gone. And you. Are gone. Way wrong. BOY!

317,005

null

25

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blog_authorship_989359

'Let that be a lesson to you sweetie. Never love anyone.' You hate people. A lot. You probably once loved someone, but something went wrong. Because of that, you now despise pretty much anyone and everyone. But while there are a ton of worthless assholes in the world, not everyone is one. There are people out there who do care. urlLink Which Advice Quote said by <PERSON> are You? brought to you by urlLink Quizilla

317,006

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blog_authorship_989359

So, <PERSON>'s found a distributor. Not so much as found, but his friends at Mirimax, the <PERSON> bros., formed their own company to release the film. What the hell? If only it were that easy for a lone film graduate from SIUC. All I've been thinking about lately is the fact that I don't even have a camera or any equipment at all to be able to continue any of this creativity leaking out of my ears and nose directly from me brains. So, if any of you out there want to invest in a pretty damn good filmmaker, SEND MONEY NOW. Maybe someday <PERSON> and Mirimax and the <PERSON> bros. will be helping me to get distribution for my controversial documentary. A girl can dream.

317,007

[ 316977 ]

160

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blog_authorship_989359

I feel like I walk a thin line living at my house. It's a line shaped like a figure eight and I'm destined to walk it forever. I'm tired of fighting, tired of 'respecting', tired of living here. It's ridiculous, the words that are exchanged in this house. Does it really matter when a 24 year old comes home at night? I'm not 15, nor do I think I should follow rules obviously intended for a 15 year old. Goddamn, I have to get out of here.

317,008

[ 316985, 316983 ]

13

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blog_authorship_989359

Yeah, I'm a huge fan of the original Star Wars Trilogy. And, hey...The newest franchise <PERSON> is working on happens to be associated with some of my favorite films of all time.  And just so everyone knows, yes, I am excited (sort of) about Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith (the official title announced this past weekend at the comic-con in San Diego...another good reason to move there) and it's scheduled for release on May 19, 2005. It may be a shitfest of crappy dialogue and computer generated effects, but I'm still going to go see it...even if <PERSON> will never be allowed in my house again.

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blog_authorship_989359

I found myself enjoying a documentary tonight. Not that this is odd...considering the fact that I love documentaries. This one was centered around one man's roadtrip across country. The urlLink first roadtrip , infact. It got me thinking about last summer, when I took a roadtrip with urlLink Susan and this other urlLink cat . I miss the open road. Or, how about getting flooded out in New Orleans, camping in the middle of the desert in New Mexico, peeing over the side of the Grand Canyon, or seeing the Pacific...I miss it all. And, damn I'd like to do it again. Anything other than sitting here, typing this. Hell, I'd settle for driving to <PERSON>'s house...which is what I'm about to do. Anyway. This documentary was mighty good. It was done by <PERSON> and <PERSON> was the voice of <PERSON>. I recommend it, and if you haven't already noticed the other two links, urlLink here's another one. And if you can, I also recommend you get out of the house, stop reading this...go west young man...go west!

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233

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blog_authorship_989359

There's nothing like getting woken up before you intended to by a friend that's 3000 miles away and actually has a job. And then having them tell you to go back to sleep and waking up three hours later. Yeah, I slept till 1 in the afternoon today. I don't intend on doing much of anything to counteract that point either. I'm a lazy human. and urlLink this is freakin' great!

317,011

[ 316977, 316985 ]

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blog_authorship_989359

I'm a fan of both <PERSON> and (early)Spielberg, more so of <PERSON> though. And when I saw this quote on urlLink this page , I laughed. And I enjoyed it, because it's true. I thought I should share. “When I see a film by <PERSON>, I see Oz the Great and Powerful. When I see a film by <PERSON>, I see a man behind a curtain pulling levers and barking into a microphone.” —<PERSON> (jayembee)

317,012

[ 316979 ]

185

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blog_authorship_989359

A record store. The only place on earth that retail might just be OK, hopefully. Screw you Barnes and Noble. I knew books, I loved books, but music is much higher on my list. Number 2 to be exact. My list of top five all time places to work (made at age 16) 1. Movie Theatre. (new movies, free movies...film = cool) 2. A record store. (Access to music, etc. very important) 3. Book Store. (new books, cheap books, magazines, etc.) 4. Movie Rental place. (new movies, free rentals) 5. Art supply store. (cheap painting supplies, etc.) If I worked at urlLink Championship Vinyl , <PERSON> would say the same thing about me... 'I can't fire them. I hired these guys for three days a week and they just started showing up every day. That was four years ago.' So, I'm destined to sell bad music while wearing cosby sweaters and listening to sad bastard music. And I'm OK with that. For now.

317,013

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blog_authorship_989359

Apparently <PERSON> is going to show us the wookiee planet in episode three. It's called Kashyyyk. Three y's. Who knows? Anyway. Already dealt with in the expanded universe, I'm excited about the possibility of wookiee everything on the big screen... the city, the weapons, the vehicles. Who wouldn't want to know what a wookiee domicile looks like? You can read more about Kashyyyk urlLink here. But, only if you're a giant nerd, like me.

317,014

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blog_authorship_989359

<PERSON> and I went to the 'good land' last night to see my favorite band, urlLink Modest Mouse . Wisconsin smells funny, but it was worth it. Speaking of smelling funny, it was unbelievably steamy at this venue. I still had a fucking blast though. Goddamn, there's nothing better than live music...especially live Modest Mouse. Thank you <PERSON>. A Different City 'I wanna live in a city with no friends or family I'm gonna look out the window of my color T.V. I wanna remember to remember to forget you forgot me I'm gonna look out the window of my color T.V. Through the cracks in the wall Slow motion for all Dripped out of the bars Someone smart said nothin' at all I'm watching T.V. I guess that's a solution They gave me a receipt that said, I didn't buy nothin' So rust is a fire and our blood oxidizes My eyes rolled around, all around on the carpet Oh hit the deck, It's the decal man Standin' upside down and talkin' out of his pants I wanna live in a city with no friends or family I'm gonna look out the window of my color T.V.'

317,015

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148

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blog_authorship_990045

(Read of the mo: The End of the Affair - <PERSON>) Today just seems to be whizzing past. Haven't been exceptionally productive with so many things happening around here. Got out with <PERSON> during lunch to get <PERSON>'s birthday present. Never an easy task, i finally found a handsome looking belt from <PERSON> which is really quite simple so that he has no reason not to like it. And since i've gotten the prezzie i've just called <PERSON> to cancel meeting up later for shopping as <PERSON>'s needing some TLC from having finally paid her school fees today.... and ironically we're going out tonight to grab a few drinks (since its ladies night) to celebrate her lost of financial freedom.

317,016

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14

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blog_authorship_990045

(Read of the mo: Save Me the Waltz - <PERSON>) The weekend has been a really busy one with <PERSON>'s dinner party and <PERSON>'s hen night - which had to be put together all on 2 days' notice. It all started with <PERSON> ringing late friday night freaking out about the whole getting married thingy with the wedding barely a week away. So i happily suggested having a hen nite to calm her nerves and she jumped at the idea. Problem was that with the wedding date so close, there wasn't really a good time to have the hen nite other than the immediate sunday. And so began the mad-race calling to hotels and escort agencies because <PERSON> specifically requested for a stripper who looks like a cross between <PERSON> and <PERSON>, with tight buns to boot. Though it wasn't like we really care about the sex she'll be missing out on after her marriage, it seemed like a fun idea to see how <PERSON> would cringe and freak out when we present her with a half-baked stripper. Went to bed close to 3 that night after talking to them <PERSON> and <PERSON> on <PERSON>'s 3-way phone. Sat was hectic, meeting <PERSON> for lunch at the s'goon food centre followed by a long drive down to the Expo. But the carpark was so crowded with people going there for the dumb car show (which should really be called the dumb cars and dumbass showgirls exhibition) and all we wanted was to go to some electrical appliances sale. We're so goddamn happening yeah? Anyways the queue for the lots were so long we ditched the idea and headed for Eastpoint instead, where <PERSON> dropped me off to meet up with <PERSON>. Proceeded to meet <PERSON> shortly after to go to <PERSON>'s place for her dinner party. Dinner was ok and we played mahjong for a bit. Scooted near midnight and got home early enough to yak on the phone for a bit with <PERSON>, did research for the hotel rates and eventually ended up going to bed at close to 4. Earlier part of sunday was filled with phone calls and smses with <PERSON> and <PERSON>, debating about which hotel to go for. Finally decided on Le Meridien but it was close to 4 when we finally got our lazy asses to town. The presidential suite we got was so-so, but the bathroom was sure grand with a tv hanging above the throne. Watched SATC and Maid in Manhattan, fooled around for a bit trying to strip <PERSON> without much success. <PERSON>, Dawn and <PERSON> joined us in the evening and we pigged out and watched Serendipity, read and destroyed old love letters from that loser ex-boyfriend of <PERSON>'s, before erupting into a massive pillow fight with everybody going for <PERSON>'s pants. <PERSON> and <PERSON> left us at 1 and rest of us talked some more about <PERSON>'s new place before they decided to go look for food downstairs while i retired close to 4.30, mindful of the half day of work that i have to face today. Alrighty, not quite up to writing or thinking anymore after an energy-depleting weekend like that. Am heading home to chill and catch Friends and then its straight to bed. Check back.

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blog_authorship_990045

Second post today - this is a first! Read and re-read this morning's post and feel incredibly dumb. I have started writing about things i precisely didn't want to write about, and the main reason i had deleted the previous blogs - too much negativity. I wish i hadn't. Therefore, i am resolving to keep my blog free of negativity to my best ability. Negativity is bad, for me, for anyone who stumbles upon the blog, and the karma it generates is just way too much for me to handle. Omm.....

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blog_authorship_990045

(Read of the mo: nil) I should have been in hell of a cheery mood becos a) its a freaking friday b) i dun have to come in to work tomorrow c) my weekend's all planned out with people to meet and things to do and buy. But i am not, and i am pissed, becos a) its been too many fridays since i was allowed to feel this way b) i'm wasting my time getting pissed off and c) the damn giggles are just irritating the shit outta me. Yes, the fucking giggles coming from some inappropriately happy person, even for a friday. Except she doesn't limit her 'i'm so cute dun everyone just love the way i giggle oh wait maybe i'm not loud enough' fucking giggle to fridays, it happens almost on a daily basis!! I always wonder who's hanging on the other end of the line waiting for her to finish her giggling routine cos if someone i'm talking to on the phone starts breaking out into such a friggin giggle i'm gonna think i rang one of those ghost line and tell her to shut the fuck up and cut the line!! Hell and its not just that, there's the weird accent that comes on whenever she speaks to anyone she can remotely fool into thinking she's a fucking american/australian/english whatever!! Like, duh! You are not IT, you dun look IT, so you dun try to be IT!! Especially not with your shifty eyes that make you look like a rat!! Gosh i'm in such a fucked-up bitching mood today, and she has to go set me off like that, on a friday afternoon, no less! I am sure for all that evil and unkind thoughts that passed through my mind or even just those i've written is enough to get me karma-ded beyond redemption, but i cannot help myself. Maybe its PMS, and maybe its something else, i dunno. Maybe its because i've resorted to listening to Nirvana to block out the damn giggles, for which i'm not sorry for, cos if they irritate, they irrtate, there's simply no other way to look at it. Either way, i get irritated, i vent. And when i vent, i blog. I do not try to hit back by guffawing louder than she is trying to giggle and irritate the innocents. See at least i'm considerate, so Karma-mama, take that into consideration before you banish me to eternal hell will ya?? And as for you, you shifty one, i tried to be a friend, but it didn't work out. You just made it so much easier to loathe you simply by being what you are. And i've succumbed.

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blog_authorship_990045

(Read of the mo: yesterday's Straits Times) Hmmmm.... bought meself and <PERSON> some fish briyani for lunch, waiting for her to get out from her workshop so that we can tuck in. Meanwhile the smell wafting out from the bag is just making me salivate all over the keyboard yum! Pretty bored morning doing nothing significant at all, and at the back of my mind there's that friggin board papers bugging me cos today's the deadline and if i dun do get it done something really bad's gonna come down on me. Arghhh this is such a nightmare every year. I went shoe-shopping with <PERSON> after work yesterday and it was pretty fun. So i guess i was wrong to assume everything i assumed earlier. Maybe she's not given up on the friendship like i thought. But we've still not spoken about what happen. Not like i'm that eager to talk about it. Actually i'm happy to forget about how she blew me off for nothing, well maybe something, but i dun mind not knowing what. I'm just glad things are somewhat back to normal. Bali trip is off. Made plans to meet up with <PERSON> and <PERSON> at <PERSON>'s place this sat, maybe for mahjong or something, we'll see what turns up. And then to town with <PERSON> for some shopping on sunday. Hee guess its not gonna be one of those chill-out-with-a-book kinda weekend. Has got The Reason playing in my head so much, it keeps reminding of somebody.... not that the song means anything, cos there's nothing, and its precisely that which pretty much upsets me.

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blog_authorship_990045

(Read of the mo: <PERSON> - too freaking tired to read) Had good lunch with <PERSON> and <PERSON> at pastamania. This is too indulgent i think i should be cutting down on the carbs. Still not sure if i'm going ahead with bali plans this week. Got out of the office at close to 7.30 last evening and headed to far east plaza with <PERSON> to check out some shoes. Ended up in this lovely little dress shop that carried the prettiest 1950s dresses. The guy who mans the shop, who's really nice, even managed to convince my lazy self to try out one of the dresses, and i liked it so much i decided i want it before i even changed out of it. But that was of course after the guy incessantly telling me what a perfect body i hv to fit a dress like that.... i know, i know what a shameless ego trip huh its as if i was fishing for compliments twirling and turning in front of the mirror asking him what he thought but hey i needed that after having such a rough start to the week! Anyways the dress is high-waisted, white with pink satin trimmings and big pink flower prints and a really cute pink satin bow. Now now isn't that the perfect dress to wear to a day wedding? A wedding in a garden with lots of flowers and white flowy decorations.... hmmmm guess i will wear that to <PERSON>'s church wedding next month :)

317,021

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76

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blog_authorship_990045

(Read of the mo: Pride & Prejudice, <PERSON>) Wasted the whole of last evening at calfit talking to some hard-up consultants with <PERSON>. One of them happened to be her friend, whose manager is such an asshole he pissed me off within three seconds of shaking hands. You know the kind of people you decide doesn't deserve a chance before they even open their mouths? Yep he's one of them. He went on about an exclusive 'manager's promotion' that's only valid yesterday, which was nothing short of bullshit! Like, did he think we looked 4 or what?? But i was a good girl i gave him like 7 and a half minutes before telling him that he's crap. So of course Mr-I'm-a-manager got insulted and left, tail between his legs. Calfit sucks big time my love! And you would have to run me over twice with a bus before i'd pay you freaking money to join your freaking loser club again you bunch of hard-up assholes. There, that was for delaying my dinner and making me miss Friends.

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199

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blog_authorship_990045

Today is the day my heart breaks. Sappy love songs on the radio are not helping - they cannot mask the clattering of my heart breaking. I wanna weep and ask why. I know its only realistic for me to come to terms with it, and this is when every part of me aches knowing that it will never be. So this is what it feels like. I should have known. Just what was i thinking?

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blog_authorship_990045

(Read of the mo: nil) Its official. I am a big fat glut. No two ways about that. Spent like 3 hours at the buffet last night and ate our eyes out. And it wasn't like the food was that yum. I was just stuffing my face becos i was so pissed off at the way the whole week's turned out. And that was after trying so hard to control my appetite the past few days so that i can look ok in my bikini next week. Yeah there're like plans to go to bali over the weekend next week but now that the tickets are out i'm not so sure. Anyways. Dinner with <PERSON> and <PERSON> on thursday night turned out ok. Things were not quite the same, but am not gonna dwell on it. I mean, its alright to move on, get married and have your own life. Who really wants to go back to the familiarity of a friendship that used to mean so much?? If friendships are meant to die out without a reason then so be it, i do not give a flying fuck. So yeah, feel happy for the impending marriage and only have best wishes for them. On the other hand, <PERSON> is so much the same, we can still talk the same way we used to babble at 13.... We are still evil plotters of really mean schemes.... we still regard men the same way they've been regarded since 10 years ago.... and we still don't give a shit about the 'cannot-make-its'!! Gosh did i tell you i love my girlfriends?? <PERSON> also brought news of <PERSON>, a boy i used to go out with but have not seen for ages. And then there's <PERSON> too - whom i spoke with on <PERSON>'s phone. Hmmmm.... i cannot remember how dating feels anymore! Over dinner yesterday, <PERSON> mentioned a treatment of a course of injections. The jabs work by killing the fat cells or something like that, and apparently its working for her friend, who tried 2 on her thighs. Isn't that like the bestest news this century? There's hope for us gluts yet!! Am gonna do some research over the net on the procedure, even think i've seen an article on it somewhere and the results are suppose to be quite permanent. And if all's well i'm gonna like jab like i've never jab before!! Bless them doctors who found this miraculous alternative to liposuction!! Dinner plans tonight with the family and grams and aunts to celebrate father's day - for my dear ol' Pa-py! And then its my return to slumber-land for the rest of the weekend to make up for all that lost sleep over this bloody week. Catch up on some reading too and treat my hair to some tender loving dove!! Geeez i love the luxury of having time on my hands to do as i like!! Taitai-dom taitai-dom oh where art thou??

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blog_authorship_990045

(Read of the Mo: nil) One of the worst friday in history. Started the day by running into the last person i wanna see in the morning these days. Got rid of her by hopping into the really crowded train which she absolute hates, phew.... only to arrive at work to have to face some horrendous filing job and a reluctant co-worker who whinces and whines at every task. Already wasted about 1.5 working days this week assigning work and then repeatedly explaining simple tasks like filing in chrono order. And then feeling sorry and unsure if i should have assign such menial work. Then tried telling myself that he's young and hardly out of his teenhood but at same time also cannot help reminding myself that i was holding a full-time clerical job when i was at the same age. Judging by the number of wrinkles i've gotten this week i'm hoping that karma truly exists. Know what's worse? Its a fucking saturday tomorrow and i have to work. Not only that, there's like a sodding workshop at 9 in the morning too! Which effectively means i have to get my ass into the office at 8! How about that? Having to smile and register the old fuddies like its my favourite thing to do on a freaking saturday!! Life's a bitch. Had planned dinner with <PERSON> tonight but she had to cancel bcos of work. But now we're going out again to stuff our face at the merchant court hotel buffet cos i'm so pissed off and she's decided to take pity on my sorry self. And having to bring her work home as a result.... I love my girlfriends!! And may karma get all the stupid eejits in the world!!

317,025

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blog_authorship_990045

(Read of the Mo: <PERSON> - finally finished the crap book call Man & Boy; which incidentally should be simply titled Dickhead instead, cos that's what its about) Got a pep talk from the boss today for taking an extra long lunch. Was really out with <PERSON> sorting out stuff for her new home. But its ok, not the first time caught slacking. Am gonna head out for dinner tonight with <PERSON> and <PERSON>. Yes, the pre-wedding meet-up kinda dinner. Having some mixed anticipation right now cos i haven't seen them in ages and i just dunno if things will be awkward u know? Been trying to decide if i wanna get a <PERSON> compilation album.... Ok gotta fly now else i'll be late. Will check back later with details.

317,026

null

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blog_authorship_990045

(Read of the <PERSON>: the fucking Man & Boy - real crap, only reading to see how much worse it can get) Brought celery sticks to work for breakfast today and feeling like the healthiest person around, very pleased with myself =) Real pain trying to get out of bed this morning cos i slept real late the night before talking to mom. Haven't had proper sleep the past week, and no matter how badly i resolve to get home early and be in bed by 10 its just not happening. Crap how i wish i dun have a job so that i can sleep for a living. Yahoo's giving me like a 100mb email account and i'm excited cos i absolutely hates deleting emails and sms - laziness more than anything. But i wonder just how yahoo can afford to give such huge account space to all it users.... Better go, have got shitloads of work to face today.

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blog_authorship_990045

(Read of the Mo: still on bloody Man & Boy! Man this shit is boring me!) Spent sunday doing absolutely nothing at home. Spent the usual 2 hours reading the sunday papers, did laundry, then took a long bath before settling down to watch The Hours on vcd. Show was not too bad, lots of suicides and depression. Not about to pick up the book again though. Had a bad case of gastric attack today - which resulted in me taking a one-hour nap after lunch right here at work... hee it sure feels good to be slacking legitimately when everybody else are working their asses off! Anyways <PERSON> got in touch yesterday to tell me that she needs my help next june... yes you guessed it, andother wedding!! What is it with these people? Like is this the season to get married? And can they do it any other time? No! They have to do it just when my life is filled with shit and doubts and everything in that particular aspect.... Gosh where did all that bitterness come from?

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