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I had my first overnight guests , Ivan and Jesus , the moving men . They arrived at the gate in the middle of the night , around 12 : 30 a . m . All the lights were on in the singlewide in the hope it would serve as a beacon . The truck hesitated so I ran outside with a flashlight , stood at my side of the creek crossing and waved like mad . They saw me ! At the top of the edge of the crossing , they hesitated again . I told them on the phone that they would have to cross the creek but they didn 't believe me until actually confronted with it . Gamely , the truck moved forward and entered the water . Slyly the creek waited until the truck was fully in the middle before grabbing hold of the front right tire and refusing to let go . The driver , Ivan , tried everything . He spun the tires and rocked the truck back and forth but the sand laughed and pulled harder . For the next ten minutes we yelled back and forth . " Yes . " I thought that was an odd request but then Ivan yelled for duct tape and I understood . He planned to use the bags to cover his feet so he could enter the water . I ran into the trailer , grabbed a roll of bags and tape . Back outside Jesus opened his door and I heaved the roll of bags right to him followed by the duct tape . I watched as Ivan contorted his body covering himself with plastic . Then he jumped into the water and came over to me . " Yes , in the shed . We 'll drive there in the Explorer . " We climbed in and drove to the shed . The moonlight cast hazy shadows , a soft light that was beautiful to me but spooked Ivan . His eyes were large as he looked around . We walked to the shed and I shone the flashlight inside . Ivan seemed reluctant to go in so I took the lead . He followed me and we picked out four pieces of lumber and threw them into the car . Then I drove to the Ranch house to grab another supply of trash bags and more duct tape . Ivan was wearing shorts and a thin cotton shirt . His shorts were wet and the plastic bags had done nothing to keep the water out of his shoes . He took the new bags and wrapped every part of his legs and torso taping everything tight . He looked like a kid dressed up for Halloween , alien space invader style . I drove back to the creek crossing to light up the scene with my headlights . Ivan dragged the lumber into the water and attempted to shore up the tires . The water was fast , cold and unrelenting , the sand soft and sucking . Around 2 : 00 p . m . the white flag of surrender was raised , or should I say a white trash bag of surrender . Admitting defeat , the guys waded to shore and stood on the deck of the singlewide to strip off their plastic and tape . Sitting at my kitchen table Ivan made a call to dispatch to get a tow . Dispatch said it would take about 2 hours to get here . Wiry and dark haired , Ivan spoke with a slight Russian accent and it was obvious that Jesus took his lead from him . A big , beefy kid with a round baby face , Jesus had close cropped dark hair and a soul patch . Dressed in wet shorts and t - shirts , both of them sat shivering at the table , frozen from the cold water . My maternal instincts flared . I heated up some Progresso chicken soup , made toast , peeled oranges and set a bottle of soda on the table . They ate like it was Thanksgiving and cracked jokes about " playing MacGyver . " When Jesus asked Ivan what he would do if they found themselves stuck here forever , he responded , We all laughed and then I showed them the bunk beds in the back bedroom . They stretched out on the beds but left the light on . I went to my bedroom and did the same . Fully in mom mode , I closed my eyes but didn 't sleep , hearing every snuffle and snore from the back room . Two hours later the phone rang . I jumped to get it . The tow truck driver was at the Ranger Station and feeling lost . I gave instructions to the driver on how to find us then went back to get the boys . I knocked on the door and said their names . Ivan rolled over and Jesus was in full snore . I hesitated to get familiar with these strangers but had no choice . I entered the room and gave them each a shake . They were so deeply asleep it took ten minutes of shouting and shaking to wake them . Jesus woke confused and gave me the " where am I look " and Ivan rolled up into an even tighter ball . " Get up ! Get up ! The tow is here ! " Using the " mom means business " voice that my own kids knew so well . I shook them each so hard I practically rolled them off the beds . They moved as if drugged , yawning and unwilling to get up . I kept running to the front window to see the tow truck sitting at the gate then running back to prod them to action . Jesus sat on the edge of the bed and changed his socks . Ivan asked if I had a pair of flip flops he could use . I tossed him a pair of cheap Dearfoam brown slippers . He slipped them on like a pair of mules . Finally , they went outside . I stayed inside , stretched out on my bed wide awake . The two trucks were rumbling and with all the shouting it was so loud I thought sure the noise would carry through the canyon , wake the neighbors and start an avalanche of rocks and mud . There was a lot of splashing going on and I shivered thinking of the ice cold snow melt . It took an hour and half to pull the truck from the creek . But when it was finally out , it was on the other side with my things still in the back . Ivan crossed the creek and came back inside so I could sign paperwork . " Take those three big tarps . You can unload my stuff on the other side and leave them under the tree . Make sure you cover them well with the tarps . " " Thank you Kathleen . You have been nice . " He looked down at his feet . He had stretched the slippers to fit . His shoes were soaking wet and the slippers were warm . I waved good - bye , closed the door and went to my bed . As I snuggled under the comforter the phone rang . The dispatcher wanted to get a status . I told him the truck was out and they were on their way . It was now 6 : 30 a . m . I raised my own white flag . I surrendered to the task of getting those boxes across the creek and got dressed for the day . I walked outside to check my options . The crossing was unstable and torn up from the truck . I went downstream to see if I could find a good place to cross with the Little Mule . I was able to make my way across on foot but the banks were too full of large rocks and debris for the Little Mule . The boys had placed one tarp on the ground near the sycamore tree , piled everything on it then covered it all with the remaining two tarps held down with large rocks . The delivery included my deck chairs , my massage table , my leather bound trunk full of linens and a vacuum cleaner . These items were all securely wrapped and taped in moving blankets . Everything else was in boxes , about fifty of them . I crossed back home , took off the boots and went inside . The crossing was too unstable for the Explorer or the Little Mule . Crossing on foot was my only option at this point . The sand was too soft to use a wheelbarrow but I wondered if I could lay boards across the creek for a path . That was foolish though . The force of the water was still strong and would wash them away . I could call someone but who to call ? David was an hour and a half away and working on deadline . Pat was working . Charlie has a bad back and Jerry is 85 . Kathy has her husband to care for . I decided to meditate . It came to me to try walking boxes across for now . Do as many as I could and then , when David came out , enlist his help . I pulled the boots back on , walked downstream , crossed and picked up the first box . The water , though low in that spot , was still strong and the additional weight of a box made for slippery footing . But I made it with the first box , walked up to the back deck and tossed it up . Box one . I set a goal . Move at least ten boxes . Back and forth , one box , sometimes two depending upon weight , the first ten went rather quickly . The sun was over the mountain now . I took off my jacket and threw it up on the deck . On the third crossing , I managed to get a bootful of icy water . With the next crossing both feet were wet . After a minute , my feet were numb to the cold so I kept going . New goal , ten more boxes and I continued . Several years back I did a charity event to raise money for cancer research . The challenge was to climb the steps inside the Sears Tower , a bit over 2 miles straight up to the top . To train for the event I went to the Swallow Cliff toboggan slides in the forest preserves near Chicago . I climbed the 203 stone steps to the top of the slides over and over . I carried a handful of pebbles and each time I reached the top of the stairs I would place a pebble on the wall . I did this until I had a pile of 25 pebbles for 25 laps . Now I counted boxes instead of pebbles and each box cemented my move to Aravaipa . After hitting 24 , I decided to count the number of remaining boxes . There were 28 to go , not even halfway done . I picked up another box , crossed and set it on the deck . Then I sat down to once again consider my options . I was tired from being up all night . I was tired from flood clean - up and piling up debris for a burn the day before . I had an open blister on my left hand , assorted bruises dotted my body and I had more scratches than I could count . I was paying the price for my inefficiency . What could I do ? I looked at the place where the truck had been stuck the night before . Other than that , the crossing looked fine . All I needed to do was fill in the hole , move some sand around . I grabbed a shovel , waded in and started shoveling . The heavy wet sand did not want to cooperate but I was persistent . An hour later I decided I had made the creek road - ready . Confident , I pulled off my watery boots , changed to my third pair of dry socks for the day , slipped on hiking shoes , grabbed the keys to the Explorer and jumped in . I pulled out the owner 's manual to see what 4WD setting would be best for sandy conditions . After changing to Low 4WD I drove into the creek . The Explorer slipped and slid which scared me . I gave it gas and the tires bit . I made it across . I felt triumphant ! I loaded up the Explorer with boxes , careful not to make it too heavy and plunged back into the creek . Storm clouds were rolling in and it began to lightly rain , an incentive to keep going . I managed to get everything across with the exception of the leather trunk full of linens , much too heavy to lift by myself . It would have to wait until the cavalry arrived whoever that might be . I wrapped it up with the tarps to protect it from the weather . That evening the rain came straight down in buckets but I slept like the dead , or more accurately like Ivan and Jesus . The next morning the creek was roaring and impassable . Again . The rain continued through the morning . Jerry called and I recounted the story of the moving truck . " We 're in for another flood , a bigger one . The warm weather at night in combination with the rain is melting the mountain snow quickly . The water is high at Klondyke above us and the ground is saturated . Are you okay ? " He asked . I launched into my story of the movers . Pat offered to get my trunk for me and store it safely for me out of the weather until I was able to get it . I was relieved ! Pat asked about the supplies I had on hand to ride out a second flood . He also walked me through the procedures for safe drinking water in case I lost power and ran out of water . I have come to the conclusion that everyone needs a Pat the Ranger in their life . I cancelled all the Ranch events for the weekend and left David a message . I called Jane and Steve to update them on the situation . Kathy Larsen called . She heard from Jerry that I had a story to tell and we laughed on the phone for a good half hour . I feel so blessed . The people here have done more than welcome me ; they have embraced me as a neighbor and a friend . When I first came to Aravaipa over a year ago on retreat , a Native American spirit guide came to me . Running Water blessed me in the creek then and she is blessing me now . I am awash in abundance . The creek continues to rumble and roar . Trapped by the rain , wind and flooding waters , I worried about Branden . A few days ago Jeau called me on the phone . I pulled on my shoes and walked up to the Ranch house . Jeau and Charlie were cleaning the Ranch house between group events . There is nothing else around so I was puzzled . When I walked up Charlie greeted me at the door . " He 's in there . Cutest little devil of a spotted skunk . He 's made himself quite at home in the compost bin . " Charlie said . " I went to toss something in there and banged the lid . Scared him so he gave a little puff . Let 's see if he 's still there . " Gently we opened the lid and inside was a tiny skunk , no bigger than my Kitty . " Oh , he must be young ! Look how tiny he is . " I was so surprised . Branden was beautiful . His tiny eyes looked up at us with trust that though we might peek , we wouldn 't force him to leave his little home . I 've known some skunks before and they were much larger with stripes running down their backs . Those skunks were quick to spray and I always kept big cans of tomato juice on hand to give the dogs baths after unfortunate encounters . But Branden was patient , waiting to see what we would do before he would react . Black with white spots starting at his brow and running down his back in perfect symmetry , he looked like a kitten and it was hard to resist reaching in to scratch him behind the ears . I could see the hole he had chewed in the hard green plastic of the bin , his own little doorway into a world of tasty orange rinds , banana peels and other assorted treats . " I could put a bottom on the bin to keep him out . " Charlie said . " But that would defeat the purpose of the compost bin . " I replied . " We 'll ask David what he would like to do . I can see he 's harmless as long as we don 't rile him up , but how will our guests react ? " A few months ago a little spotted skunk wandered onto Charlie and Jeau 's property and quickly adopted them . The skunk finds them good company , happily enjoying the treats they give him . He eats out of Charlie 's hand . After exchanging hellos , we decided to let Branden be and returned to what we had been doing . The storms have been raging all week . Torrents of rain and wind gusts have plagued the canyon and the creek is running high with flood waters . There was a break in the storm and I told myself it was part of my job to check the Ranch house to make sure it was weathering the storm . I went to the house and walked through checking for any leaks or wind damage . Finding none , I stepped out back and cautiously opened the lid of the compost bin . Branden was curled in the same spot as before , nice and snug , chewing on an orange peel . He looked up at me with his tiny trusting eyes as I softly said , Light licks the landscape with laces of gold against a pastel pink sky . The waning moon washes away like a photograph worn at the edge . Cactus ghosts creep up the mountainside pale grey and green I looked up javelina today . On my first day in Arizona , javelinas came up in conversation twice , first with Pat , the auto broker , and then with Charlie , my neighbor . I had never heard of one before and had to ask what a javelina is . " There were about twenty of them around the creek the other day rooting around for the pecans . " Said Charlie . " Not to worry , though , the pecans are over now so there 's nothing much for them here right now . " Twenty ! Suddenly I wondered if my coming to Aravaipa was such a good idea after all . I heard nothing about wild pigs the first time I was here . I knew there would be snakes and scorpions . I knew there would be bighorn sheep and jumping cholla . I knew there would be the occasional bobcat or two . But aggressive roving wild pigs ? I had not counted on pigs and the city slicker suddenly felt a little wary . I figured I better learn as much as I could about them so I would know how to avoid them . According to Wikipedia , a javelina is a peccary or a wild pig . They average about two feet in height … at least some of them do … at least I hope the ones around here do . Because there are some that get bigger , but I won 't think about that . Javelinas migrated from South America , hence their melodic Latin name . But that 's as pretty as they get . No roly - poly porkers , javelinas are bristly and tough with quick legs , long snouts and muscular bodies . They like to travel in herds . They do travel in herds so if you see one javelina there will be more to follow . Wikipedia gave me all the scientific information , but what I really needed to know was what to do if you encounter one ( or two or three ) . Fortunately I found another website with the skinny on javelina etiquette . Do not approach them ( they are territorial ) , walk quickly away ( they have poor eyesight so best to get out of their vision range ) , and make loud noises , like banging pots and pans . They don 't like loud noises , well for that matter neither do I . And never , NEVER feed a javelina because that will make them more aggressive . Gardens in javelina country require good fences . Snakes are no issue . I can be careful where I step . And I 'm not foolish enough to stick my hand into unseen places where a scorpion might reside . Bobcats and bighorn sheep are shy so I will be lucky to see one . Coyotes are around and I will keep Kitty inside . But the javelina issue was something new . I wanted to wander around Tuesday night , but would there be wild pigs lying in wait for me at the creek ? I sat inside near the sliding door with the light on while writing . A moth flew up to the window and I worried , would the light attract javelinas too ? Charlie told me in no uncertain terms not to leave any garbage outside . Those little piggy eyes may be poor but those snouts are good for sniffing and smelling . Could those javelinas smell food cooking inside ? I closed the patio door and the blinds . Best not to take chances . I looked over at the ranch house . I needed to go to the big house the next morning to use the phone . It 's about a quarter or maybe a third of a mile away . Right through the pecan trees . Tuesday night was quiet with not a javelina in sight . Wednesday morning , no piggies . It was time for the city slicker to get over it . I strapped on my boots ( actually walking shoes ) and headed out the door . Ravens flew overhead , smaller birds chirped and I ran into some neighbors riding horses . That was the extent of my animal encounters . I walked to the ranch house . After I made my calls , I walked the labyrinth then took a stroll down by the creek - through the pecan trees . I checked the fencing around the soon - to - be garden area . It looked good and sturdy . I worked outside for a bit , then decided to test out my new camera and hiked around taking photos . I was outside so much today that my cheeks and nose turned pink . I refused to let some potential close encounter of the porky kind keep me from enjoying the beauty of this place . After all my foolish worrying I want to see one now . I want to see what all the javelina fuss is about . I want to catch a glimpse of a herd . The orange trees look ready to drop their fruit soon . My pots and pans are ready . Bring ' em on . " Today is a day of magic . " I wrote those words the other day as a reminder to myself to look for the beauty , grace and magic in all things as I moved throughout my day . That was three days ago . I spent the last few days on the alert . My eyes squinted and searched for something special . My ears strained to catch and analyze every noise . I walked , I stopped , I looked , and I listened . Everything was unchanged . Everything seemed ordinary . I worried that I had lost my connection . Today , this first day of the New Year , I went to the grocery store to pick up more boxes for my move . My little car doesn 't hold much so it was actually my third trip to the store over the last three days . When I called the store earlier this week to ask about getting boxes , the customer service representative explained the procedure to me . Overnight the workers restock the shelves and at 6 : 00 a . m . they bale up the boxes for disposal . If I wanted boxes , I needed to get to the store before 6 : 00 a . m . , roam the aisles until I found a stockman and ask for boxes . No guarantees , no promises , simply show up and throw myself on the mercy of the workers . I rose at 4 : 30 a . m . to shower before heading out the door , figuring that if I looked fresh , clean and presentable I would stand a better chance of winning some boxes . I arrived at the store a little after 5 : 30 a . m . Only a few cars were scattered in the dimly lit parking lot , cars I attributed to store workers . But I couldn 't see anyone inside . The lights were on but the store seemed lifeless and I worried that I might not be able to get in . Sure enough , I walked up to my usual door and it was locked . Not only was the revolving door locked , shopping carts were upended between the two interior glass doors . The store takes up almost an entire city block and it was freezing outside . I thought momentarily about getting back in my car to drive across the lot to the other door , but that was stupid . So I ran to the other door , found it open and walked into the store . Without the bustle of people , the piped - in music was creepy loud . I felt unsure of what to do . I walked further into the store and came upon a worker stocking the shelves in the pharmacy , Aisle 2 . " Is it possible to get some boxes ? " This was voicemail hell personified . I continued on to Aisle 16 and there I found Neil . He jumped up and asked what I needed the boxes for so he could better help me . Dressed in black slacks , white shirt and a black jacket , he did not wear an apron like the other workers did . I assumed he was a supervisor . Lanky and quick , he looked familiar to me and I later realized he was a blond version of my youngest brother Mike who passed away many years ago . Neil raced to the back of the store , to the restricted area and came out with an armful of boxes . " You need a cart . " And off he raced to get one for me . When he returned , he loaded the boxes for me chatting away . " You look like a lawyer . " He said . I laughed and shook my head . I explained I was moving to Arizona to live and work at a retreat center . He introduced himself and the conversation turned to horses and his family 's love of the animal . He asked how far I would be from Vegas and I told him about the Aravaipa Canyon . Over the next few days Neil saved up boxes for me , carefully choosing sturdy boxes that were not too big and therefore manageable . I picked up the last batch today , New Year 's Day . Neil expressed his desire to come visit the Canyon with his wife one day . " May I give you my card ? Next time I am in Vegas with my Jenny I would like to get in touch with you and possibly explore the Canyon . " " Of course ! How often do you get there ? " " A few times a year I get there for bowling . I bowl in tournaments with the USBC , the US Bowling Congress . I used to bowl five times a week , but now I only have the chance to bowl twice a week . But I do like to go to the tournaments . " His remark blew me away . My mother is a bowler but that wasn 't it . Bowling was a passion for my brother Mike . I could imagine my brother , seeing my need for boxes , scrolling through his angelic rolodex of bowlers to find Neil , the right person to help me . His way of saying " good luck . " I drove home with my car packed with boxes . Today , this first day of 2010 , I realized that every day is full of magic and it comes in the most unlikely ways . My resolutions for the New Year : · To open my heart to all who cross my path . Every person , animal , stone , tree , and situation comes in to my life for a reason . I will listen to and embrace the message each brings . |
Christmas arrived so slow and was over so fast . I am so glad that God does not go on vacation after its all over . He is still here with us and guiding us on our journey . The kids had a wonderful Christmas and got things that they all enjoy , the highlights was a scateboard for Alex ( does anyone have any bubble wrap ) , rollerblades for Megan and Emily got some cooing utensils and play food . They did receive other things too but those were the favorties . Alex is already trying to do tricks , and Megan is close to mastering her rollerblade with only a few falls . As for me , I recieved some nice flannel pj 's , and a cake decorating cookbook . Maybe I will learn some new skills in that area , has anyone every worked with marzipan , well anyways . I am a long ways form professional and barely a novice . I had a few other chirstmas surpises one of which my oldest sister found out she is expecting a child . Please remember her in prayer this will be a high risk pregnancy , due to past history . I am very excited for her . I will try to post pics later . Remember , Jesus is not only the reason for the season , he is the reason to look forward to a wonderful year ahead . Posted by Well , I can say life is busy . Somedays I feel as though I can hardly keep up with it . Don 't get me wrong , I like Christmas . Its just that instead of me being consumed with Christmas , I am consumed by it . It chews me up and spits me out a bedraggled mess . Sometimes I wish I could be simpler , less of Hallmark and more of meditating on the what it really means . I am not big on shopping at anytime , yeah I know , I am a women its genetic right . I am supposed to have my GPS set on the mall at times , wrong . I stear clear of the mall at all cost , only making necessary trips there . If it wasn 't for my kids I would stay at home most of the time . I get stressed easily when there is too much going on , I always feel a step behind everyone else . Now don 't despair and get depressed with me , I always struggle to pull myself out and find what I need for this time of year . I look for the message God want 's to give me . There is a passage of scripture that I love , John 1 : 1 In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God . Then skip down to verse 14 and the first part , And the Word became flesh and dwelt among . . . How beautiful is that . Without Jesus coming to earth and becoming flesh , we could not celebrate Christmas , there would be no salvation , redemption , holiness and so on . This is my way of getting through the holidays , depending on Jesus and his written word to lift me out of my valley so that I can be a blessing to someone . I do love Christmas and what it means . I hope you remember the true meaning of Christmas and also enjoy your time with friends and family . Merry Christmas . With your help we might be able to overturn this presidential election yet . Here is a link to a petition for Obama to present an authentic birth certificate which he has failed to do . If he is not a natural born citizen he would not be elegible to be our president . Pass this on to everyone your know and more . http : / / www . worldnetdaily . com / index . php ? fa = PAGE . view & pageId = 81550 Motherhood was never promised to be easy , I never expected it too be but does it have to be so hard . Like every mom I know , it is a continual learning process , but there are those who make it seem so easy . I have to admit I am not very organized , I have struggled with this my whole life . My lack of organized does not come from my mom , or dad . They both always seemed to have it together , and could follow a list and get it done but me , you give me a list and I just about hyperventilate . I feel so much pressure that I probably won 't be able to accomplish much on the list , or I start one thing and the will begin another before one is complete . It must be ADD . I have said this to say this , since I can 't be organized I am learning to delegate . Maybe if I teach my kids how to do the things I struggle with at least someone will get it done or it will free me up to do those things I don 't always have time to get too . For instance , Megan has shown a real interest in doing laundry , she likes to load the washing machine and dryer and I am teaching her how much soap and softner to put in . She is being very handy at this . It is amazing how much something little like that helps me out . The girls also like to clean the bathroom , well I say go at it . Tonight , Emily and Alex , washed some of the dishes for me and put them in the dishwasher . Yes there was squabbling involved but they did make a dent in the pile of dishes for me . Megan , cleaned her room ( without arguing ) and swept it , what a huge help this was . I must say that the Lord is helping me in how to raise my children and teach them the necessary things in life . I also want them to learn the importance of obedience and serving Jesus . This learning process , for everyone involved , is not easy . It has its ups and downs , and rough spots throughout any given day , but I know that putting my trust in the Lord will keep me going and he will give me the necessary tools to teach my children . Alex always has something funny to say , but there are times when he is more profoundly funny . This morning we were walking up from the basement and Alex commented on how the basement needed cleaned ( an on going project ) , and I agreed with him . he quickly toldme that he is not a cleaner . I laughed and almost asked him what he was , but decided to wait and see what he would say . After a few moments he looked at me and said , " i 'm a player " . Yes he is , he plays harder than any child I know . He would go out to ride his bike as soon as its light outside if he was aloud . He is constantly using his imagination in his play . Yes , my little boy is a player , but if I have anything to do with it , he will be a cleaner too . Here is our new truck . We are all so excited to get it . I do want thank God for this truck , my husband looked high and low to find the right one . He had to drive about 280 miles one way to get it , but it was worth it . I am so thankful that we now have a more dependable car to drive , our other one always kept us guessing . Posted by Another election has come and gone and many are still in shock at the outcome . When I heard the news that night my stomach felt sick , the future began to look bleak . So many people voted blindly not really knowing who this man is or what he represents . I do have one assurance and that is God is still running this world . He has not left us alone . At just the mention of his name he is there to comfort and guide us in the days ahead . I am so thankful that God knows exactly what he is doing . We can simply put our hand in his and he will lead the way . Driving down the expressway they sat their discussing the strange gray haze hanging over the city , if only their eyes could see what that cloud held , fear would have overtaken them . Hoards of angry and petulant imps flew over the city , their presence so thick that a gray cloud could be seen by those who beheld it . The world was watching this great nation , another election day was here and Satan was working hard to get his man in the White House . One who would be in a position to change the very moral values of legislation , beginning a new era . An era of darkness for those who opposed evil . These evil beings flew in and out of polling stations , even having the audacity to follow many into the voting booth itself , whispering into the ears of many suggestive thoughts of changing there mind on who to vote for . Telling lies and giving them visions of granduer if this man , who appeared so smooth and promising , was the next leader of the country they loved . So many were already fooled into thinking he would save this country from utter ruin . Another vision this couple could behold would bring them comfort , if only their eyes could be opened to see beyond the unseen . Millions , maybe even billions of glorified beings were hovering about sheilding the righteous from evil , it was at every turn . The Son , who is the light of the world , was mounted on his pure white stead , brandishing the Sword of Truth , The Holy Word of God , his father . The evil beings did not dare approach , if they came to close to his presence they were forced by his power to acknowledge his as King of Kings , and Lord of Lords . They knew they were allowed out of the fiery pit by his own permission . He is all powerful , and in complete control , there is nothing he has not planned to the most perfect detail . The promised Holy Spirit was felt by the righteous as they voted according to the will of God , trying to keep the voice of evil from leading their country to ruin . Heavenly beings gaurded them from the the attacks and screams of satans forces . Satan himself wPosted by Emily and Isaiah , she loves little kids and babies . Emily , Alex and Jaelyn playing with extra pie crust . What fun . Alex even had some on his forehead . Here is Megan ready to go to a play with her cousins and grandma . Isn 't she pretty , my little girl . Does Jesus really accept us as we are ? This thought keeps running through my head . What would Jesus say about this subject . Can we really come to him for salvation or claim salvation if we say well Jesus loves me as I am , even if I am willful , or still doing things that the Bible ( God 's Word ) tells us are wrong . There is a big movement in the " new " form of worship in churches which says come as you are . Yes I think we have to love people even if they are sinners but we cannot let them think they will get to heaven just believing that Jesus loves us as we are . The Bible says , God does not hear the sinners prayer , but we know that does not include the truly penitent heart . We come a sinner to him begging his forgiveness and mercy , and leave a changed person . Can you have light on something at one point in your life and then ten years later say well , I realized that is not necessary in my christian walk . Several years ago I turned my back on God and severed many relationships because I felt everyone would judge me if I didn 't follow the " rules " . What I didn 't realize was that I was losing out on so much . It took much misery to get my attention , even still I thought I could do on my terms . I went to a church where I felt accepted , no condemnation was felt because anything went . They accepted you in your sinful state , you did not have to profess anything to be active in the church . But God in his infinite mercy slowly and gently led me out of there and showed me a more excellent way . He taught me the sound of his voice in some very distinct ways . He is still speaking to me , he is guiding me and I am learning to put my hand in his and just trust him . I hope that you will do that too . He is so wonderful . Do not resist him , or try to reason your way around what he wants of you . I also want to remind you not to look neither to the left nor to the right , do not compare yourself with others to gauge your christian walk , but look to the master . We should only use God 's Rule Of Measure , and then can we only be sure of truly foPosted by This is a story I read in a small publication that my chiropractor keeps in her office , " Voice For Health " , by Matthew Hamer , D . C . It was friday after Thanksgiving and my receptionist told me that one our patients , Kaye , wanted to speak to me on the phone about her sister . We need to get Brenda in for an adjustment and I wanted to explain what happened to her . We all went to her house for the traditional Thanksgiving dinner yesterday . Brenda was doing a top - notch job at preparing the feast . Knowing how gullible my sister is , my mom decide to play a trick . She told Brenda that she needed something from the store and asked if my sister wouldn 't mind going out to get it . When my sister left the house , my mom took the turkey out of the oven , removed the stuffing , stuffed a Cornish Hen , and inserted it into the turkey . Then my mom restuffed the turkey and put it back into the oven . When it was time for dinner , Brenda pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing . When her serving spoon hit something , she reached in and pulled out the little bird . With a look of total shock on her face , my mom exclaimed , ' Brenda , you 've cooked a pregnant bird ! ' Horrified , my sister believed my mom and started to cry hysterically . She way over - reacted and carried on so much that she threw her back our and can barely walk . We 'll have to help her get in to see you . " " Alright , Kaye " , I said , " bring her on in and we 'll get her eased up . I guess the funniest pranks can really backfire ! " " We have one other favor to ask of you , " added Kaye . I wondered what was next . " Sure , whatever I can do " , I answered . " Brenda has always valued your advice and opinion . . . " " Thank you that means a lot " , I said still wondering what was coming . " While your checking her , could you see if you can convince her that turkeys lay eggs ? " Her lips moved in silent prayer as she went about her day . The forces of darkness were trying to break through the divine barrier . The heavenly host stood on either side making as angelic tunnel for her to work through . Satan 's dark forces screamed and yelled in anger , they twisted and turned trying to find a way in . When they got close they would find themselves eliminated with a singel peirce of the sword . They would at times be content to yell at her , trying to play mind games by making her recall a sinful past , or working through others to interrupt the serenity she found in Christ . Satan himself stood before her Saviour grovelling and whining , " please just let me touch her one time , with peircing eyes that seared satan with just a look he replied " NO , she is mine " . Sulking , the evil one went to a corner of the room trying to think and devise another plan of attack . The Lord could see she was becoming weary . Her eyes filled with tears , but she kept on praying , finding the strength to go on from the only one who coul give it . He stood by lovingly watching her , His child , he motioned for one of the heavenly beings , who moved to his side carrying a chest made of pure gold and polished to perfection . As she continued to pray the Son of God started placing peices of armor on her , equiping her to fight against Satan and his evil hord . As he came to the last peice , The Helmet of Salvation , the devilish throng tried to throw out hurried taunts , and rushing to break through the angelic gaurd in an attempt to stop the intercession . As the helmet was placed on her head she stood up straighter and her face lit with joy as she noted that Satan 's demons were no longer able to break through to her thoughts . she went about the rest of her day in joyous praise and wonder at God 's power to defeat the enemy . Praise God ! While I had a few minutes I wanted to write a little more about my trip to Florida to see my mom . We had a wonderful time relaxing and enjoying each others company . I arrived at the Orlando Int ' l Airport Friday around 1pm and mom was there to pick up me up . Unfortunately there is not an airport close to her so it is always a drive to get there , it was about 2 hours to this airport . We did have a nice drive to her house catching up on the news ( after we found the car in the confusing parking garage LOL ) . Moms house is so quiet and relaxing , I almost felt guilty for leaving the kids and my hubby , but I made sure I enjoyed every minute . Friday evening we just enjoyed sitting out on her patio , talking and watching for the deer that like to come by and eat the corn mom feeds . They decided not to show up that evening , the mosquitos did though . I went home with several bites too . The next morning , saturday , we ate sausage gravy , scrambled eggs and biscuits , outside on the patio . It was so surene and beautiful . The palmettos and wildflowers and other trees make you think your out in the middle of nowhere . That day we also went to Istakpoga Lake . Wow , it was so picturesque . In the picnic area where we ate our lunch there were Live Oaks with Spanish Moss hanging from them . I could envision a southern plantation right in the middle of it all , and myself sitting on the large front porch having tea and crumpets ( whatever those are ) . It was abolutely beautiful . The lake was also a vision to behold , I have never seen a lake with some much plant life . Next time I want to take a boat ride out onto the lake . We also walked down this one trail that took you breath away . It was a sight to behold with its Live Oaks and green grassy floor . One had to just look in any spot to see God 's wonderful handiwork . Its a place where you could just go and meditate and pray in the stillness with beautiful nature sounds all around . Well that evening at mom 's house we ate supper , on the patio again and continued outside on the swing and were excited Posted by Time has come and gone and on October 6th it was a year since my dad died after battling cancer for 7 years . We all miss him but knowing he is in the Heavenly Fathers care makes it much easier . I had not been back to visit my mom in Florida since and so I made the trip , by plane , to spend some time with my mom . While I was there we also went to Dads grave . Walking through a grave yard is a very solemn experience , especially when all the people there except for a few spouses had spent time in active duty protecting our country . While we were there , there was a grave side service going on , it brought back so many memories . After we spent some time there we went over to the hospital and up to the oncology unit where dad spent many hours receiving chemo and many hospital stays . My mom was able to reconnect with the nurses who had provided his care and a few tears were shed amongst us . We also went over the Bay Pines Memorial Park and had a picnic lunch , something mom and dad did often after going to Bay Pines VA Hosp . I miss my dad so much but I would not wish on him going through chemo and the sickness it often brought on . I learned so many lessons from dad and the most important was to put God first no matter what . He was not afraid to stand up for what he believed and did comprise under pressure . He lived what he believed , and as is on his grave stone , " He walked with God " . The " huge " slideshow below is of Alex 's birthday . my baby turned 4 yesterday . It makes me sad to think it has been four years since I have held him in my arms as an infant . He is getting to be so big and keeps me hopping with his antics . His hugs are wonderful and sweet kisses , I hope he never out grows the hugs . If he thinks I might be sad he will give me a hug , he hugs me when he is sad too . I love my little boy so much . He got some great things , clothes , a new football , a bike that looks like a motor cross bike , it even has shocks . I will have to post a picture of that I forgot to do that . He also got some lego 's . Grandma Holloway , who is so far away in Florida , sent some money , money is a big thing for him now . I have to tell you this . Saturday morning when Alex woke up and I was telling him that he was four now , he just couldn 't beleive it . He kept asking me , right now , and I said yes right now . His first response , I have to see how big I am . Its funny how as children we want to grow up and then as adults we wish we could back in time . Well , as we all know time keeps marching on whether we it to or not . My advice is , enjoy the time while we have it and trust God to get us thorugh the hard spots for there will be many . Life has been happening in a crazy whirlwind , literally , around here . I barely get through one and then another hits . Let me begin with the wind . Well we were hit with hurricane Ike on Sunday , and I don 't mean a few puffs of wind , it was a lot of big wind blowing all around for about 3 or 4 hours . It was hurricane force winds , I heard from various people that it was about 70 - 100 MPH winds . trees uprooted , roofing materials picked apart , and power lines down . After the storm at stopped in the tri - state area there was only about 40 , 000 homes and businesses with electricity . If you ran out of gas there was none to get . The few gas stations with gas quickly ran out . Grocery stores were closed and the ones who did open did not have anything cold . Anyone who has lived their whole life in this area will tell you they have never seen anything like it . Was it predicted ? I do not recall hearing about it until it did hit . I had heard that we could get some of hurricane Ike and I figured liked most that it would be some rain , it rained softly for about 1 / 2 hour or so . Many were without power for days following the storm , some may be without still . We were blessed in the fact our lines are connected with the City Building , and that is first priority due to emergency services need to be up and running quickly . I think our power was out about 4 hours all together . Unfortunately I do not have pictures because the days following the storm included cleaning up and making sure my mother - in - law was taken care of , her electricity did not come on until tuesday afternoon . Other then a some tree limbs and a bunch of leaves and little branches we did not have much storm damage . I feel blessed that God would take care of us , even though others may have had worse in this area none of us are going though the devestation in Texas . My thoughts and prayers are with them . The next whirlwind is the dentist , we have all been going through our bi - annual checkups the kids are all good , Randy had a tooth cracked all the way down and had to get a crowPosted by We are apt to forget that a man is not onl committed to Jesus Christ for salvation ; he is committed to Jesus Christ 's view of God , of the world , of sin and of the devil , and this will mean that he must recognize the responsibility of being transformed by the renewing of his mind . Oswald Chambers . When I read this it reminded me of how so many are getting the worlds view and not God 's view but yet claiming to have a real relationship with God . There is a rush to evangelize the world according to its own perception and not a true biblical perception . Many say but I don 't think God expects this or that . We are to renew our minds in Christ so that our former thoughts are put away and we have a whole new way of thinking . Everything we do should be governed by the will of God , even what we think . I hope you all have a good day in Christ and remember to do as God would have you do . Posted by This squirrel decided to steal some flower seeds . There was not much in the feeder but it would stick its little paws in under the glass and reach what it could . It was also very bold , even when we knocked on the window it would just look at us and keep on eating . Usually we have to go outside to get it off and then of course it comes right back . Here are various photos of us enjoying summer , labor day and nature . The last picture is a hummingbird pirched on Max 's guide wire . I tried to open the screen to get a better picture but it flew away . The kids love any excuse to get outside and especially they love going to the different parks in the area . Any excuse for a picnic is a good excuse . Enjoy the pictures . As most of you well know children can be quite facetious at times . The other day one of two ( Emily or Alex ) got into something , of which I cannot recall at this time , and neither would own up to it . We were eating lunch at the time and they kept blaming each other . Alex in all inocence looked at me and said " mommy why don 't you ask Jesus who did " , then started a discussion about whether God talks to me or not and how that might happen . Well , Alex insisted I pray to get an answer so I prayed but instead of asking for an answer I prayed that the one who had done the wrong would feel that they would need to confess and learn to be obedient and not lie . After praying Alex immediately wanted to know what Jesus said to me . I tried my best to explain that we don 't always get an answer right away and that they needed to tell me who had done the wrong because they need to understand that it is wrong to lie . I never did get an answer from the kids but I am depending on God 's wisdom in dealing with these frequent episode of " he said , she said , or he did it or she did " . They certainly keep me busy creating ways to explain and give answers that they can understand . Well , we have made lift off . The school year has begun and it went ok , we a had few rough moments when the school rules had to be reiterated . We are incorporating some fun things into our day this year . We are going to read the book " A Hive Of Busy Bees " , starting with Bee Obedient , we need a lot of that . I thought this would be a good way of teaching them good Biblical character traits along with scripture memory verses . Megan is doing ACE this year and seemed to like the way paces started . She even told me thought this would be a good year . Emily is doing Abeka , and I am praying that she will progress well with this . Alex is also doing some Abeka K4 and some other things I have . He loves to trace his letters on a dry erase mat . I know that every day will not be perfect but God 's grace is enough to get me through each one . Please pray for me and the kids as we embark on this journey for knowledge , and also as satan seems to be fighting on all sides with so many different ways to try to undermine my existence in the Lord . Well I must go and prepare for tomorrow . I have recently been reading , " Foxes Book Of Martyrs " , and it really makes you amazed at how these people died for the sake of the Gospel and sometimes watched their own young children die all the while with a smile on their face . I also began to think and wonder if we have such a fervour for Jesus that we could die without fear . They had a true commitment to Jesus , they were not fair weather friends . I am not only questioning you but myself also . They faced things that we could not even imagine and at the same time attempts made to force them to worship false god 's and renounce Jesus Christ . With the advantages we have today and the freedom we have I find it difficult to deal with the ingnorance ( I do not say that with meaness ) and lack of proof of the desire to serve Jesus as the Bible indicates . I get frustrated when told I just don 't think like you . I want you to know I don 't think , I believe . I want a relationship with God that is worth dying for , I want to be able to live my life so completely in the will of God that every word that comes out of my mouth is what he wants to be said , every step I take to be the step he wants me to take , every thought , every detail , to be God 's idea . I have to admit that is not always the case , I am human in nature and have failed God many times but he is always faithful to pull me out and give me a renewing of my mind , he cleanses me , he purifies me again and again . He fills my cup to overflowing he never lets me down . What I am saying is that each new day gives me a new set of circumstances that must be given to God , because somewhere in the darkness of night satan puts his mind to work and says what can I put in her pathway today . The Bible says , He goes to and fro seeking whom he may devour , and devour you he will if you let your gaurd down , if you put your armor off just for a minute . I have had days when it is a constant battle of the mind to just believe and hold onto what God has promised , because Satan is sitting right on my shoulder trying to filibuster his way into Posted by The kids decided to have a Kool Aid stand yesterday afternoon . They managed to make $ 4 . 00 , they told me they were going to give it to charity . Sometimes they really surprise me . I guess we will see what charity they choose . What they really mean is for it to go to the church offering or something like that . They enjoyed having the Kool Aid stand , they even had people stop in their cars to get a drink . My moms cat , miss muffin Deer in mom 's back yard More deer and the babies My mom loves to feed the deer in her back yard and she is getting quite a crowd coming . I thought you might enjoy these pictures . They are such beautiful creatures , God 's wonders to behold . Before the bees Rain , rain and more rain . Chocolate waterfall . Chocolate Flood . Ok , you might ask why three parts to this trip . Well by doing this I can break up our trip by subjects and it keeps me organized and to the point . This part focuses on what could have ruined our trip beyond the no fishing . Monday , when we went to the falls the day started out sunny hot and humid , ok I can handle that I just wanted to doing something fun with the kids . # 1 problem , the kids . They whined and whined about well anything and everything . If they weren 't happy about one thing it was another . I felt like we would get one issue settled with would be something else . Arguing over seating was the main thing at first , and then it was I 'm bored . When are we going to be there at least a " million times " . I can handle this I really can . Finally we are there . I 'm hungry , hot , tired you name , it started again . Well went to see the falls just so they could see the drive was worth it and then off to the picnic area to each lunch , or so I thought . It was a beautful shelter and could be used in the winter , and maybe we should do that sometime , because it had a fire place on all sides of the center chimney . The first sign of troub le was the fact that the picnic tables were infest with spider webs and many egg sacks underneath . We noticed a picnic table up the hill a little ways out in the open and seemed fairly spider free . So the food is gotten out and drinks are opened and we discovered some other not so appealing friends stopping by to share our meal , bees . Several in fact which started pandamonium in the ranks , complete mutiny the girls screamed and screamed , well I could keep repeating that one . Now I am not so fond of bees and I could have handled them except the girls were so paniced that I had to try to difuse the situation . Let me interject that Alex and I my husband sat calmly at the table with the bees and ate , the girls and I never did eat much at that time and when my husband finished eating we left and the screaming stopped . No oPosted by I wanted to write more of our trip which actually we are still on but Randy took the kids with him for a while so I get some time of quiet . First of all , some friends of ours bought a beautiful home here by Lake Cumberland as a vacation home and we are staying there . I believe they bought if for much less because of the condition of the lake and tourist activity has dropped significantly . It is a three bedroom home with a nice big kitchen and 2 full baths , very open and spacious . It is a mixture of elegant and country living due to a farm nearby with all the sounds and smells that go along with it ( which I enjoy ) . Megan heard a cow bawling and decided it was upset about something . Posted by How many times do you go on vacation only to leave your state of residence without realizing the wealth of beauty it may hold . So many people talk about wanting to go overseas to visit another country , " why , I 'm not sure maybe its discontent with what we have right here , wanderlust or some other reason " . Out state of Ky holds a wealth a history and scenery that unless you go see it you might never know its there . Randy the kids and I went to Somerset , Ky to see some of the sights , mainly to go to Lake Cumberland to fish . Unfortunately that did not happen , because the dam which is badly in need of repair could burst at anytime and cause mass flood , so , they have lowered the water level of the lake to a point that the only way to fish is to go out in a boat . The banks are very steep and there is no dock fishing at this time . Megan , I might add , was disappointed to tears because she was calling this our fishing trip and she loves to fish . Since Kentucky holds so much other beauty we were not kept down very long . My husband stopped by a travel center and asked some questions and was given advice on what to do so instead of fishing we drove 36 miles to Cumberland Falls . Randy and I have been there before but not the kids so away we went . We had an enjoyable time time for the most part . The falls were beautiful and the nature around filled me with joy at being God 's child and having an understanding that this was created by him . I was able to explain that what we see around us in nature is God 's finger prints of beauty that he gave to us to enjoy . The above are some pictures of what we saw . My kids say many funny things to me , and between Alex and I , we have this running joke that he just happened at our doorstep , or we found him on the highway ect . Well last night I was telling him what a nice little boy he was and I thought I might keep him for my own . Well , this time he played along instead of saying your just joking . He turned and looked at me and said , " what will you give me " , I had to lauph and started naming some of his favorite toys and he was saying " oh , boy " and getting excited about it , then he said , " what about food " . So I started telling him different things he liked to eat . It was really funny , probably one of those , you had to be there to really enjoy it . He has such a sense of humor which I think is so important for children to develop because it can help smooth out the rough spots in life if you can look at the funny things that happen . I have many Aunts and Uncles and especially on my mom 's side of the family they all would joke around and tease , in a fun way , and to this day my Uncle Phil can catch me of gaurd and make me lauph . When you realize how God designed each of us in our own special way you have to be amazed that he thought that humor would be something good to add the human mind . I have learned that you get much further in dealing with difficult people if you throw in some humor or maybe just a smile of understanding . A soft word turns away wrath , as Solomon once said . Have a blessed weekend and remember the Lords Day to keep it Holy . When God says he will provide all of our needs he means it . I had another blessing today that I just had to share with you . I have been searching for canning jars the least expensive way I could possibly get them . I have been looking on craigslist . com and finally I saw a yard sale with canning jars listed and it was maybe 3 miles away . I went and sure enough there they were . 144 canning jars the price at $ 75 for all , I was hesitant because I really didn 't want to spend that much money I questioned the sellers about them and they said they just wanted to get rid of them and that they would take $ 50 I couldn 't believe it . I called my husband to see what he thought and he agreed . So I came home with 12 dozen canning jars . I am so elated that God in his infinite mercy would bless me in such a way . I have never canned before , if anyone has any great canning recipes for tomato sauce , or anything you can think of just let me know . I am not sure how much canning I will get done this year , since my garden is quite small , I will have to expand for next year . I know that God will supply my needs I need to fear for he has proven himself true over and over again . Just so you know If I had bought those canning jars new it would have cost me about $ 150 - $ 200 . The Lord is good . Aren 't these raspberries beautiful , this is another of God 's blessing to me . I purchased three flats of raspberries for $ 13 . 00 . That was a steal . I was so excited that I made freezer jam and froze some of them and then I am saving some to make a pie . I can tast it now . Yum . Posted by Emily and Alex are " helping " me cook supper . It sure made for an interesting experience in the kitchen . And don 't worry if you should ever come to eat at my home , I do disintfect my countertops . They always teach you to wash your hands when working in the kitchen but no one said anything about washing your feet . : > } Posted by I have been having a rough few days between just not feeling as eneretic as I would like and the kids seems to be in rare form so I got out my book of Bible answers for every need and started to look for something with reference to frustration or dealing the kids and just couldn 't find what I wanted . The book did open to Thankfulness and I started reading there and then I went to the subject of Praising God and I found these verses . From the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same the Lord 's name is to be praised . Psalms 113 : 3 This is not a request or a suggestion but a directive , telling us this is what we are to do , there is also this verse ; Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord . Praise ye the Lord . Psalm 150 : 6 God is so good and I have much to be thankful about and I want to always praise the Lord even in the time when I don 't feel so great or am having a rough day with cranky kids . I want to always be ready to praise God no matter what . Praise the Lord , praise his Holy NameHe is merciful and graciousHe is almightyHe is bigger than our problemsHe will never let us downLets just praise the Lord Posted by Everyone can look around them and see the many blessings that God has given us , even in the midst of a time when things look bleak with inflation of gasoline , food , or anything you might need to buy . God has given me such a peace during this time of having less , but in reality he has given me so much more . He supplies my every need , he even gives me the desires of my heart . This summer the Lord has helped me to try and see the ways I can lessen the financial burden on our family and he has given me resources that I would never have come across without his intervention . Recently a friend of mine called me and told me she had someone with flats of strawberries very inexepensive , I was able to get 2 flats and make strawberry freezer jam , now I don 't have to buy the expensive store strawberry jam . Another blessing is the how God is making my garden to grow and start to produce wonderful vegetables . I picked a cucumber ( a favorite ) longer than my forearm , I also had a wonderful zucchini that long also and I lost no time making 2 loaves of delicious zucchini bread out of half of it the rest will be delicious with our supper . If you want to try something really good grill your zucchini , oh so delicious and healthy . My garden also is holding the promise of many tomatoes and peppers . I am so thankful for what the Lord is doing for us . I took some pictures to show you the blessings God has given . I should not fail to mention the Lord has opened doors for me to find ways to get the kids school curriculum at a discount and free shipping , this is also something he destinctly promised to me that he would take care of this for me . In the past I have been someone who would fret and worry about everything . I would worry about my kids all the time , when I was with them or away . I felt I had to push to what I wanted or needed because if I didn 't it would never happen and now with God in control I can relax and no that when the time is right he will let me know and give me a peace I could never have understood before . The Lord is wonPosted by The following slideshow has some pictures of the kids at my Aunt Charlene 's having fun dressing up as a clown . Also some pictures of Megan 's b - day . Another fun day was at the Creation Museum with their friend Korty Frankenberry . I hope you enjoy . Oh , yeah also our afternoon with Tim and Christal . We hold these truths to be self evident : that all men are created equal ; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalianable right ; that among these are life , liberty and the pursuit of happiness . . . This is such a great day in our history to remember when our forefathers of this country came together to take a stand and declare their independence . It was not only political freedom they desired but freedom to serve God as they so desired . As we all know those freedoms are so precarious to us at this time as the changes in our government and the evil forces out their who do not want the Church of Jesus Christ to florish and proclaim the Gospel of the One Who Died for our sins . As it says in Romans 8 : 35 - 39 " Who shall separate us from the love of Christ ? [ shall ] tribulation , or distress , or persecution , or famine , or nakedness , or peril , or sword ? As it is written , For thy sake we are killed all the day long ; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter . Nay , in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us . For I am persuaded , that neither death , nor life , nor angels , nor principalities , nor powers , nor things present , nor things to come , Nor height , nor depth , nor any other creature , shall be able to separate us from the love of God , which is in Christ Jesus our Lord . " Therein lies our true freedom . Our freedom is in Christ and without Him we have no freedom . Not only celebrate in merriment and festivities but also pray for our country and thank him for the freedoms we have at this time . God Bless America ! Something has been mind lately and it starts with the thought that this world is not going to last forever , no matter what activits do to save some endangered beatle , we all go to solar power to save resources ( then we would just use up the sun them ) , gas prices can sky rocket to whatever price they think we will take and so on , God said the earth was going to be destroyed and there I will get to the point . Wise Solomon said , " Pride goeth before destruction and a haughty spirit be a fall . Lets look at the first part , 1 . Pride - our world is so immersed in pride of its accomplish , personal or group . Lets give an award for just about anything , well of course except being a Christian , I have never heard of that award yet . Mohammed Ali won many fights and always proudly asserted him as unbeatable , The Titanic was unsinkable , Big Brown ( race horse ) without a doubt would win the Triple Crown , something not done in 30 years . Pride overcomes people and they make astounding speaches inregards to their capabilities but not once is the Glory given to God . 2 . Destruction - On its maiden voyage the Titanic sank to the bottom of the ocean before everyone could be saved . Why , you say . Poor design , water filled the hull of the this vast ship and quickly sank it . Mohammed Ali for all his boasting ( yes he won many fights ) probably could not raise his arm high enough to high five someone due to parkinsons . Big Brown , destined to win the big race came in LAST all because his shoe was loose . You want to know who won , the horse who was set to be last . The Bible says , " The first shall be last and the last shall be first " . Prophecy in action . God has said our world will be destroyed , with all the pride that is going around you have to wonder , is it soon . Now on to the last part . God said , every knee shall bow , and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord . No matter how high and mighty or determined a person may be , they will fall at Jesus feet and admit he is Lord . Something I heard and I like , " You can boast and you can brag but you bettPosted by Happy Birthday Megan . My oldest baby turned 8 yesterday the 19th . I can still remember holding her the moment she was born . She screamed for about 2o minutes , that should have been the first warning of a difficult baby . Now she is eight and has gotten past a lot of rough stuff in her life and she is turning out to be a wonderful helpful child . I know that God has a wonderful plan for her life . Hello everyone . My blogging has been sparse lately . I do not have any new pictures right at this moment and not much is happening . I had a rough week last week , I did not feel good most of the week . very exhausted and a sinus cold was waring me thin . I finally came out of the fog and now I am feeling better . I blame part of my malaise to not taking vitamins . My mother in law had given me some liquid vitamins , which is great because I hate to swallow pills , and these vitamins made me feel so good . They had vitamins , herb and minerals in them . The problem is they are somewhat out of my budget , in the meantime I had seen similar vitamins at Sam 's . I finally told my husband I needed to go to Sam 's and get them , they were only $ 11 for a months supply , a 1 / 4 of the cost of the others , so I bought # 2 . I hope to be in better health and more energetic now . The Lord really does know our needs , everysingle one of them . He promised to provide for us and I have found that so true . On the other hand satan has been putting been battles in my way , I would appreciate your prayers for these things . I know that if I stand strong on the promises of God he will not fail me . Satan has no power over me . I hope you all have a nice day . My prayers go with you . Today 's sunday school lesson was on Heavena and Hell . Wow , when you compare the differences why would you want to skirt around the edges of what the Bible tells us what we must do to be holy and heaven ready . I can only go by what the Bible says about heaven and I am sure that is just a small glimpse into the reality of it . I am not sure we could even comprehend the full understanding of it in our earthly bodies and minds . I know that when the presence of the Lord comes to me and fills me with his fullness , the joy I feel knows no boundaries . I think God gives us those little tastes of heaven here on earth so that we know it is worth it to live our lives exactly how God wants us . Do not delay , make sure you are Heaven ready and enjoy the fullness of His glory here on earth . It will be worth it all . If you have ever eaten to much of diabetic candy and know the results because of that you may find this a little funny or have sympathy . Today the kids and I went to the store and the girls brought their own money so they could buy candy . At the checkout Megan picked skittles and Emily chose Ice Breakers Sour Fruit . I really never gave it any thought that it had artificial , don 't eat all of it at once , and she said " ok " . Yeah right , a kid with candy and not eat all of it . Well later she had a hurried trip to bathroom , I won 't go into much detail , but everything pretty much went right through her . I didn 't think much of at that time , until later she made another rushed trip to the bathroom , I then asked her did you eat all of those Ice Breakers her answer was " yes " , and then investigated and saw the ingredients and realized what was happening to her . To much maltitol and maltodextrose acts like a laxative . Needless to say she has been very hungry because her food does not stay with her long and she is a big eater anyways . Hopefully the night will be not filled with trips to the bathroom and my help needed . We live and learn don 't we . I don 't think I will be letting her by Ice Breakers anytime soon . Ha ha ha . Today marks a great day in my life for me . One year ago today I followed God 's leading and went back to Burlington Bible Methodist Church . Prior to this I had been searching for a church but avoiding that church specifically . I didn 't want to feel pressured to be one or the other but God gently led me and showed me his plan for my life . I remember as clearly as if it was today . I was hungering for a deep relationship with the God and I wanted to know what his voice sounded like . The church I was attending ( sort 've ) was featuring a women 's book study in regards to discerning the voice of God . I desperately wanted to attend . I though for sure this would give me answers I needed and I check my schedule . I prayed for the Lord to work it out for me but it just never did . I was really dissappointed and thought how am I to know how to discern the voice of God if no one tells me how to do this . Strangely enough I was raised in a holiness family were do the will of God was paramount but because of the fact I had strayed so far and so long I had forgotten how . I continued to pray for guidance and would ' nt you know God answered my prayer . I had decided to find a church more suitable to my needs and believed a deeper relationship than the one I was attending . I felt impressed to attend a Nazerene church here in town and for some reason I felt that I was going to learn something about friendship , in what way I did not know . I didn 't realize God was already speaking to me . In the meantime a women I know invited me to attend her church , another Nazerene church in the same little town , at first I said yes but then I started thinking that maybe I should not go because I really felt like I was supposed to go the other church . I called her back and explained to her why I could not go with her . She was understanding , to say the least . I though , people are going to think I am just plain crazy especially if this does not turn out the way I felt it would . Well , Mother 's Day dawned bright and clear and me and the kids set out to go to chPosted by Today in our Sunday School lesson the topice was the The Church . No , not the building were we sit and listen to the preacher . The Church is the body of Christ , the Bride of Christ , the true Christians . This evening I was thinking on our way back to church and I had this thought . . . In the Bible it refers to the church of God as spotless , without wrinkle and when I thought of this , I also thought how a bride on her wedding day is usually spotless without any wrinkle in her gown . Now picture this , the bride has planned everything , and has done all the decorations herself . The flowers are beautiful , the church is a sight to behold . There is an arch at the altar with lace and flowers to enhance its beauty . This bride has thought of everything , she has worked very hard , her labors are note worthy . The wedding decorations could be illustrated in a magazine . Sometime later , the guests are here the attendants are coming down the aisle in dresses the bride designed and made all herself . It is spectacular . The first strains of the Wedding March begin the guest standup to watch what would most likely be the most beautiful bride , as the doors swung open the there is heard a loud collective gasp as the bride , not looking beautiful at all . Her gown looks like it was thrown together and what is that , a coffee stain down the front . Her hair is , well , did she even brush it , and what are those flowers , dandelions . The groom looks astonished as it dawns on him she is not ready to be his wife . She was focused on all the wrong things . Her efforts went into the decorations but she left out the one thing that mattered she was not perpared to be a bride . With loud cries , and begging the groom to wait and reconsider as he walked out the door . But look at the all the work I did . I made everything myself , i 'm sorry , I just didn 't have time to prepare myself . But it was too late , he was gone . There are so many out there who will experience this when it comes their time to stand before God . Yes they are busy , they are working to build numberPosted by She could not see the heavenly host around her ready to do battle when the Master gave the word . She seemed to be walking under a cloud , but what she did not know was that satan had sent his imps to try and weigh her down with so many little things that she felt like she couldn 't see through the haze to the light . Their claws dug deeper into her shoulders has her burden seemed heavier . The heavenly host looked to the Master as if to say , " now " . With tears in his eyes he shook his head and whispered " the time is not right " . The young mother of three drove to church still heavy with burden but she knew that so man times God had lifter her burden here at this wonderful place where his presence was welcome . As she unloaded her children the devilish foes hung on tighter they hated this place , but they would fight till the end just to win her soul back . If they could only make her feel hopeless enough it just might work . She walked into church with a tremulous smile on her face trying to appear brave , greeting those she met along the way . They found their seat , her and her three children , as the demons were seething in hatred for this " House of God " . Their beady little eyes scanned the room , and began trembling in fear as they saw the heavenly host accompanying each of the righteous . There were so many , they brandished there double edged swords which glinted in their brighteness . Church began , the songs were sung with fervour , a few testimonies were given and then it happened , she stood to her feet with tears in her eyes praising God even in the midst of her trouble . Their evil claws dug in even deeper but began to tremble as swords were draw in a stance for battle . " Let us pray for this one " , the preacher said . So around the altar they gathered beseeching God in the name of his Son , the Light of The World . The heavenly host looked again to the Master and at his nod of approval they began to battle . Swords clashed , some bright and shiny and the others gray and jagged . The evil ones fought dirty , trying to injure the bPosted by I am 34 yrs . old , mother of 3 . I work a part time job as an LPN for Hospice of Cincinnati . I Graduated form GBS Highschool in 1991 and took approx 2 yrs of college there also studying , or trying to study music . My blog has been evolving into something so much more than just updates on me and my family . I feel God has given me a voice so that I can share the truths of God 's Word with others . You will still read stories of my children and see their endearing faces but I will be adding what God 's gives me to tell others . I hope I can help you in some way . Feel free to post your comments with your views and maybe help to expand on my posts . Please pray for me and I will be praying for you . |
Posted on April 3 , 2016 by ranilukitasari This blog entry comes out as a result of my muse under the shower . Yes , bathroom inspiration isn 't a myth , especially when you have a long hot shower ! Haha . . I 've been thinking about what a woman has told me on a travel mart I attended earlier this weekend for quite some times . To give you a background story ; this travel mart was a table top style business to business dealing . So the buyers came and sat face to face with the sellers to have business talks . The sellers , who mainly were tour operators and hotels , sold their products to the buyers , who mainly were travel agents . Each round lasted for some minutes , and once a season ended , the buyers would move to the next seller 's table . And there came this woman to my table . A young , energetic , loud woman in her late 30s , who showed high interest on my company 's products . It was a regular business talk until she told me " You have interesting products and you seem to be a fun person . However , being an adventure travel company owner , you should represent yourself and your company the way it should be . You should wear a safari shirt and cargo pants instead of this sleek suit . Wear your trekking boots instead of these high heels . You look too sweet and pretty to convince us that you and your company have what it takes to run an adventure travel company . Just saying though " . The evil part of me said " Talk to my hand ! Since when do I care ? " , and the angel part of me said " Everyone has their own opinion . Relax and sell on ! " Not wanting to lose my precious limited selling time , I just told her " Thanks for your feedback , I appreciate it " , and sold on . I was there to make money , and who knows that she would be one of my prospective clients ? So I carried on until the table top ended . However , what she said bothered me somehow . No , not that she said I didn 't appear to be credible enough . To put things into perspective : I didn 't see myself as a victim because I wasn 't one . I dressed the way I wanted . It was a business to business dealing so I wore my pants and suit to respect the occasion and the dress code . I didn 't think I wore the wrong attire . What bothered me was the fact that we are still defined by stereotype . The way she portrayed adventurer girls bothered me . In her imagination , adventure girls should look strong , like , manly strong , and not sweet . In her imagination , adventure girls should look rebellious in their t - shirt or safari shirt and cargo pants or shorts . In her imagination , adventure girls would look the same , regardless their individuality . Those who 've known me for quite long time would know that I was tomboy growing up . I played tennis on Sundays with my dad back when I was in elementary school . I was active in Girl Scout as well back then . I was in flight flying brigade in middle and high school , and was physically trained to stand for hours under the brutal sun of equator . I would do sets of pushups , sit ups , and backups every morning . I played guitar and made paintings in my art classes instead of dancing . When I danced , my dance teacher would teach me traditional dance that normally would be danced by male dancers . I kept my hair chin length most of the time until freshman year of high school . As I grew older I embraced more of my femininity . Well , I 'm still far from being a lady . I still laughed loudly with my friends . But I know I am a woman and I found that my femininity is really empowering . I put make up on when I wanted . I know I can put either skirt or pants when I want to . I am still me regardless what I 'm wearing , be it skirt or pants . On top of all , I dress to express , not to impress . I accept my contradictions . My staffs , colleagues , and clients mostly are men and that doesn 't make me have to behave like men . I like adventures but I have femininity that I 'm proud of . I ran the mountains wearing my pink shoes and pink running tee . And putting some girly things didn 't make me less strong than other runners . I know people would doubt that a short delicate looking girl would climb mountains , let alone taking clients to the mountains . But hey , I 've reached some mountains with crazy prominence , with my feminine upbringings . I know some strong female ultra - runners who 're really feminine . I know some great business women who are good at leading the companies yet still show their femininity . I know iron ladies who are feminine and classy . My close female friends are strong and confident , yet they embrace who they want to look like or dress like . It 's ok to be different from the stereotype . We don 't have to fit the mold . Credibility isn 't only built by look . Wear what you want . Be what you want . You can be feminine or tomboy , as long as you 're comfortable with that . There 's no " you should appear the way it should be " . As long as you 're comfortable and it 's appropriate , go ahead . Be strong , act strong , even when you don 't appear " strong enough " . Posted on February 23 , 2016 by ranilukitasari " … And all of my limitations begin to fade away , In this place I have freedom , it 's here I wish to stay . Thoughts become distant feelings , going with the flow , I 'll just sit still now . Begin by letting go … " ~ Etherwood - Begin By Letting Go I saw the video clip of this song for the first time on my friend 's Facebook wall some years back . And it resonated again after I got a phone call from a good friend from high school earlier this morning . She was a bubbly , brave , sporty , stubborn , and smart girl . We used to push each other to excel in our study , and we even co - founded English debate club in our high school back then . Today she called me in tears , telling me about her ( long overdue ) breakup stories . And that broke my heart . Well , it 's never been easy to let go . Especially letting go of the fear . Be it the fear of rejection , fear of being lonely , or fear to fail . We , human , need validations . We , human , need acceptance . We , human , hate rejection . I 'm no exception in this matter . I worry a lot . I overthink what the outcome of a process might be . I always tend to take control of everything . It 's still what I face now but it gets better after I started doing trail and ultra marathons . Not the " crazy " ultra , but I 've done two 60 Km runs so far . Not bad , huh ? : p Fellow runners must know the doubt before starting the race . The intense anxiety . That " why would I do this ? " thinking . That " Oh My God , it will be so hot today " . That " It will hurt my legs " . That " will I be able to finish it ? " . That " what if I can 't finish ? What would be my excuse ? " . Or " what if I get cramped legs ? " We , runners , may seem strong on the outside , but trust me , we have that vulnerable side at some points of our life . But once we pass the starting line , we will let go of everything . We will let go of our negative thoughts . We will just move our legs as long and as far as we can . If we can 't run , we walk . We concentrate on where we are , running towards the finish line . We have the battle with ourselves and our own thoughts . We try our best not to quit , until we reach the finish line . Sometimes we reached the finish line over the cut off time . Sometimes we had to stop for awhile because of injuries . Sometimes we had to drop out of the race for some reasons . But at least we 've been brave enough to start . And to let go . Posted on December 4 , 2013 by ranilukitasari My bucket list number 7 is done ! Yaay ! ! I did my very first half marathon at the Standard Chartered Marathon Singapore last weekend . It was super fun ! I know I got sweaty and dirty after the race , but the joy and pride beat the pain ! On top of all , what 's better than to run like a beast and party like a beauty ? Ha ! I managed to hang out and eat with some friends of mine and the post - race pains vanished in a sudden 🙂 I actually wasn 't and still am not good at running . I hiked and walked a lot before , but running is a whole new thing . I can walk for say , 30 km or so in a day , but running requires more endurance , mentally and physically . I just started running this year , and I found that it 's kind of interesting stuff to do . I only did one 10K and one half marathon race far by far . And here are some lessons I learned from running the races : Who doesn 't want to run far and fast ? Duh ! But for me , running is the art of pushing ourselves and listen to our body at the same time . Running is not only about physical endurance , but also mental endurance . On my first half marathon race , I found that I felt okay until the first 10K . After that , I kept talking to myself to go further and exhaust my potential . Listening to my ipod , I kept pushing myself to run some more steps further , while singing a bit . Oh yes , it was a good self - motivating thing to do . Haha . . But then I made a huge mistake : I drank too much water . Yes , I got side stitch after I passed the 13th km . I wanted to keep running but I decided to walk instead and listen to what my body needed . I know that my mental wanted me to push harder , but then the logic told me not to , for the sake of my own safety . So when I went home from Singapore , I was in the same shuttle bus with a full marathon finisher of the same race I was in . He lives in Malang as well , and he was about 50 something years old . We talked a bit about the marathon we were in , and I told him that I got a side stitch that bothered me a lot . You know what he said ? Instead of giving some technical advice , he told me " You need to be more patient . Young people are lacking of patience " . I felt like I was slapped , right in my face ! Haha . . He told me that hydrating is important , but I need to know when to hydrate and how to run in a constant pace , instead of brutally speeding up and slowing down my pace in a messy rhythm . I realize that I lacked of self - control . I thought I needed to grab the opportunity to drink at the every water station I passed , in order not to collapse . But it was a wrong strategy . From this talk I learned that we need to know about what and when we need something . In the midst of my run , I met a 70 something years old man who ran alone . I was so surprised and humbled by his youthful spirit . I have no words for him . I then ran beside him , gave him a high five , and told him " good luck , uncle ! " . He was just awesome ! So I ran with a friend of mine , who also didn 't run that fast . We came to this race to have fun , and our goal was only to hit the finish line . Sometimes I ran faster than her , but sometimes she outran me . She got a side stitch in the first 5k , so we ran a bit slower , until she then told me to just pass her and run my pace . But I was the one who dragged her into running this half marathon , so I felt that I should have been with her , so she didn 't feel left out . So I mostly stopped at the 5K , 10K , and 15K marks to wait for her , gave her high five , and shouting " half way to go ! " , or " a quarter more to finish line ! " . I really wanted to be so selfish and getting the most of my speed capability . But then again , I 'm not yet a competitive runner after all . I was debating of being selfish to get my time record or to run together with her . Well , she also waited for me when I got side stitch anyway , so yeah . I came into realization that it 's okay to be selfish , but being selfless is much more important , especially when someone we care needs us . So yes we hit the finish line almost at the same time . She was only 30 people away behind me . Awesome ! Well , it may be out of the topic , but people mostly told me that Singaporeans live like robots . But I found totally different experiences . Well , maybe people didn 't see what I saw , or I was lucky to experience Singapore from different point of view . So I had a carbo loading night appointment with some friends of mine . With my poor spacial intelligence , I asked the cab driver to bring me to a cone - shaped building at Orchard road . Maybe it was me who 's been so stupid not to remember the name of the place , or maybe the taxi driver who didn 't understand what I told him : blame my accent ! , I should have learned how to speak Singlish ! Haha . The cab driver ended up dropping me at an intersection to Orchard road . It was raining , and I was lost , and I just kept walking , without even knowing where to go . I walked along Orchard road and didn 't find that cone - shaped building , because I actually walked the wrong direction ! Thanks to my very bad spacial intelligence . Again . But Thanks God that I found a tourist center and asked them where is that cone - shaped building was located . They told me the name of that building : " Wheelock Place " , which really saved my night . I walked a bit longer , but I was so desperate that I ended up buying a take away Subway Sandwich in case I couldn 't find the place . So I then stood in a shop 's terrace next to an intersection , until suddenly a girl asked me " are you gonna cross the road ? " , and she opened her umbrella for me . Dang ! People cared about me ! I guess it was because I was almost totally wet ! Haha . . So she told me how to get to Wheelock Place , and I was glad to actually meet my friends . Even if I was an hour late . Haha The morning after the race , I walked to get a bus to get to my friend 's apartment , the place where I got asylum for 3 days . Haha . . I didn 't know that the bus couldn 't give a change , so when I paid with S $ 10 , the driver said " No exchange " and just let me in . I didn 't feel comfortable not to pay the fare , so I asked other passengers if I could change my bill with some coins . And no one had the coins . I remember that I only had S $ 20 in my pocket , and other 70 cents coins . I needed 40 more cents to pay the S $ 1 . 1 bus fare . Then an old man who sat next to me gave me 50 cents . I was so surprised . I know it was only a small amount of money , but it opened my eyes that Singaporeans aren 't as heartless as robots . They are human after all . I 'm glad that I experienced the different things from what most people say . Sometimes we learned something from an unexpected occasion and place . Posted on August 23 , 2013 by ranilukitasari Let me clarify to begin with . I am not a globetrotter yet , neither a long term traveler . I 've only been to less than 10 countries , and I never traveled long term for say , a year . Thus , the view expressed in this writing is totally subjective , based on what I feel , what I 've done , and my first hand observation . And yes , I 'm always open to any discussion J I believe most of us have faced a situation when people ask about our nationality , or in more general form , where we are from . This is not uncommon question that most travelers ever be asked at least once . But I believe more than once in every place we visit . Haha I am not really sure why our nationality or our home country is among the first questions local people ask to travelers . Maybe because we are physically different so they are curious about the origin of these ' different ' creatures . Maybe because they can associate us with certain ' stereotype ' or ' identification ' that may belong to our ' group ' , so they can know how to behave with us . Or maybe because it 's just the easiest ice breaker question , instead of asking the annoying ' are you single ? ' thing . Haha . . But things never ended up there . People often asked where I am from , but turned out they didn 't even know where in the world Indonesia is located . Oh wait , some of them didn 't even know that there is a country called Indonesia . So one day I was in Grand Bazaar , looking for some silk scarf for my mom . A merchant asked me " where are you from ? " . I replied " Ben Endonezya ' lıyım ( I am Indonesian ) " . " Oh , Malezya ! " , he shouted . " Hayır , abi ! Endonezya ! Evet , Malezya ' dan Endonezya uzak değil ! ( No , brother ! Indonesia ! Yes , Indonesia is not far from Malaysia ! ) " . When I was in Ürgüp , I looked for a pharmacy to find aspirin for a friend of mine . The exactly same thing happened . " Gunaydın , burada aspirin var mı ? ( Good morning , is there any aspirin here ? ) " , I asked . " Evet , aspirinim var . Nerelisiniz ? ( Yes , I have aspirin . Where are you from ? ) " , he asked me back . " Ben Endonezya ' lıyım , ama İstanbul ' da yaşıyorum ( Iam Indonesian but I live in Istanbul ) " , I replied . " Endonezya nerede ( where is Indonesia ? ) " , he asked me again and made me draw a map of Asia to help him figure out where Indonesia is . This really made me sad . Not many people knew about Indonesia . Or , if they knew about Indonesia , they mostly never thought that I was Indonesian . When I was in Thailand , people thought I was a Thai . When I was in Cambodia , local people thought I was a Cambodian , that the waiter in restaurant tried to talk with me in Khmer language . Most people I met on the road guessed that I was a Philipino . The most annoying part was when I saw a guy on a bus from border to Siem Reap , Cambodia . He was looking for a seat on that bus , and the seat beside me was empty . In order not to be mean , I offered him the seat beside mine . " Are you looking for a seat ? You can take this space if you want " , I told him . Can you guess what he told me back ? No , he didn 't say thank you , instead he said " Oh , you speak English ! " . I was like , okay , I speak human language , if that 's what you mean ! Later on he wondered why Indonesian does speak English . Duh ! There was even the worse guess when a French girl and a Swiss guy I met in Ho Chi Minh City thought that I was an Asian - French ( Vietnamese - French ) because I talked to them in French . I told them that I was an Indonesian who happened to speak French . Only a Dutch girl guessed it right that I was Indonesian . Oh , did I mention that it was because she was half - Indonesian ? Haha The fact that people don 't know about Indonesia really bothers me . I felt so angry that how came people didn 't know about Indonesia ? It is the largest archipelago on earth , fifth most populous countries , and among the most economically growing countries . They literally should read more ! Well , I have to say that I was in this anger stage , until I realize that I didn 't know all of the countries on earth as well . I knew that a country named Burkina Faso did exist when I was in a short diplomatic course , and we were simulating the UN security council meeting . Burkina Faso was one of the members of UN temporary security council back then . Like , I am now in more relax state when people don 't know about my country , because I myself also don 't know about all of the countries on earth . However , the fact that not many people know about Indonesia awakens the sense of nationalism inside me . The term nationalism itself is varied among the scholars , based on the angle they take . Max Weber argued that nationalism can be formed by ' togetherness ' . In short , he argued that common ancestry is a consequence of collective political action . People see that they belong to each other as a consequence of acting together [ 1 ] . In addition , according to Benedict Anderson [ 2 ] , nation is an imagined community , in which the members might never meet each other , but they have a common identity . Anderson within his book was trying to explain that the most important one is the imagined identity the members believe they share together . In sum , nationalism is a sense of belonging to the nation . Thus , within this writing , nationalism is defined as feeling of loving the nation or identity that people bond themselves in . Nationalism within this paper is more associated with patriotism , an awaerness of moral duty to the nation or community we belong to [ 3 ] . I would sum up that nationalism is the feeling of patriotism towards my beloved nation ; Indonesia . Well , sometimes I adore the more comfortable life in some other countries I 've visited . I envy how their transportation system is way better than the one in my country . I envy how their education system is really good . However , I also found that my country is better in some other aspects . Like , the people are really welcoming , helpful , and honest . By traveling , we know that yes , our country is sometimes left behind , but still there are lots of things to love . Comparing and contrasting the countries is not a bad thing , to see that there 's still many things to be proud of our home country , and yes to make betterment out of it . Well , in another point of view , some people assume that we should leave our national pride behind when we travel . When we travel , people say that we should become the citizen of the world . But hey , I personally think that where I am from makes who I am today . The nationally inherited values I hold shape how I am today . I am proud to be an Indonesian , and I will always show that wherever I go . I won 't give up my identity only to mingle with people and be ' the citizen of the world ' . I do agree that we all are equal and should respect each other , but it doesn 't have to make us uniformed . The uniqueness of our identity is what makes traveling an exotic thing to do ; to meet different people from different part of the world . And yes , to respect the uniqueness itself . Other than that , traveling is the right way to promote my own country to people who don 't know yet about it . Traveling awakens my sense of nationalism in term of " proving " that my country does exist . I was so proud to present about Indonesia in my roommate 's cultural class back when I was in Istanbul . I was so happy that finally they knew about Indonesia . When I travel , I usually suggest fellow travelers to visit Indonesia . I also mostly happy to clarify the news they heard about my country . Like a fellow traveler still thought that cannibal people still exist in Papua . Oh my . It was like hundreds of years ago ! Haha . . Thus , I 'd like to say that traveling revives the sense of belonging of my nation . Like , I tend to show how my country is like , how the people are like , and how we can stand up in the crowds . I love Indonesia ! 🙂 Posted on July 22 , 2013 by ranilukitasari Time indeed flies so fast ! I thought I 'm still 18 ! I thought I was just doing silly stuffs and laughing out loud with my high school friends yesterday ! And now I 'm already , what ? 23 ? Haha . . But hey , isn 't the older the better ? The older a wine is , the higher it may worth . The older a cheese is , the more delicious and expensive it may become . This logic should apply to human as well , I guess . The older someone is , the better personal quality she / he may have . And it means that the higher he / she should worth , at least for her / himself ! Being older sometimes equals to being more serious . In every sense , in everything we do . It sounds so boring , right ? Wrong ! We can always be serious and have fun at the same time . Sounds contradictory ? Not really ! We can always have serious fun or having fun seriously . Yes ! I nailed it ! Haha 😀 During my entire life , I have always been so competitive and love to chase goals , name it personal or communal ones . I understand that people may feel worthy through different ways and by different means . I feel happy when I 'm able to do something that makes myself and other people happy . I also feel happy when I do silly things and laugh out loud . Thus , today , when I enter my first day of becoming a 23 years old girl , I set a bucket list for myself . I hope that by making this bucket list I can be more driven , determined , persistent , and still having fun at the same time . Not to mention to get support and prayer from those who read this list . The more people who know what I wish for , the more prayer and support I will get , and the bigger chance I 'll have to make it happen . I think . Amen ! Learning how to swim . I know , you 're now just laughing at me . I won 't demand you to stop laughing at me , though . I know I should have written ' learn how to dive ' or ' learn how to surf ' instead . But hey ! I wouldn 't feel secure to learn how to dive or surf before learning how to swim ! Enough said ! 😉 Do a silent day . So I won 't speak at all for a day in a foreign country and I 'll have to still be able to enjoy the travel , get some foods , and get directions at that day . Yeah ! Try a new ' occasional job ' beside my full time job , like a non routine work that I 've never done before . A magazine contributor , maybe ? Setting a new business with my brother , maybe ? Read at least 2 books in French . I know it 'll take forever but this is just cool thing to do ! Yes , the language itself is cool and sexy ! 🙂 Traveling abroad is not only a matter of seeing new places we 've never been to , or getting new stamp on our passport pages . Well , seeing my passport pages filled with foreign immigration stamps is exciting , but it is more exciting to recall the memories I 've had in a place when I see the stamp of the country . The lessons I 've learned also change the way I see things , sometimes . One of the most memorable places was Siem Reap , and here are 5 lessons I 've learned when I was in this town . After a night of stay at @ Hua Lamphong Hostel in Bangkok , I took a morning train to Aranyaprathet , the land border area between Thailand and Cambodia . It was a 3rd class train that departed at 05 . 55 , and it took about 5 hours to reach Aranyaprathet . I saw some fellow travelers in the first two coaches , but I decided to sit in another coach , in an empty seat across a mid - aged man . He talked to me in Thai , but I told him - with my very limited Thai , of course - that I 'm not a Thai . We ended up talking in sign language . Yay ! I was becoming a Tarzan since then ! Haha . . He then asked me whether I was a Buddhist or not , because he saw me wearing a bracelet that I got from a monk in Wat Arun . Thanks to my Thai language illiteracy , I had to demonstrate a monk praying , splashing some holy water to me , and putting a bracelet on my wrist ! In the midst of our absurd conversation , he showed me someone who sold a lottery , and he asked me to take picture of the lottery . So I took a photo of the lottery because it was interesting to me to see an official Thai government lottery . We don 't have that in Indonesia ! Long story short , turned out he asked me to buy him some lottery . I didn 't mind to give some amount of money to him , but I wasn 't sure whether it was legal or not for a foreign citizen to buy lottery in Thailand . I thought it was just plain dumb if I got arrested because I bought some lottery that only worth USD 3 ! Ouch ! So I told him politely that I didn 't want that lottery , and I didn 't have enough money to buy him one . Sometimes it 's good to just play safe 🙂 When I got out of the train in Aranyaprathet , I knew I had to take tuk - tuk to Poipet , the border area in Cambodian side . The tuk - tuk driver told me it would cost me THB 100 ( around USD 3 ) to get to Poipet . It was really cheap , but then I saw other two girls standing around me . So I started the conversation and asked them where they were gonna go , and we ended up sharing the tuk - tuk for three of us . The thing is , we didn 't only share the transport fare , but we also helped each other in the immigration office . I helped them watching over their bags when they were in line to get the visa , and they helped me spending time together so I didn 't feel dumb travelling alone . Moreover , the more people in a group , the safer it would be , because we could protect each other , and we could remind each other to use our common sense . So in Siem Reap I stayed in a mixed 8 beds dorm at Jasmine Family Homestay for two nights . I planned to do a full day Angkor Wat tour in the second day , and it would cost me USD 12 to USD 15 for renting the tuk - tuk . It was actually a good price for me , until Ryan , a Scottish room - mate of mine offered me to join him and other people to share the tuk - tuk fare . Well , who didn 't want the cheaper price ? Plus , there would be some friends to talk with . Then I went down stair to the lobby , and turned out there were already 4 people who wanted to share the tuk - tuk , and it meant that there wasn 't any more space for me . So I went back to my first option ; renting tuk - tuk on my own . Not long after that , another room - mate of mine told me that she was gonna ride a bike to Angkor Wat . I then thought that it would be a good option to enjoy the site , plus , I still have friends to talk with . So , that night , at 11 pm , I decided to went out with my sleeping attire to rent a bike . Yes , I was ready to sleep at that time ! And guess how much did I pay for renting a bike ? USD 2 for a whole day ! Bingo ! Haha Long story short , the next day I started riding my bike early in the morning . In the entrance there was a tourism police who controlled our ticket , and I didn 't have one ! Haha . . But I know that God is everywhere ! That police didn 't mad at me , he offered to take me with his motorbike to get the ticket , instead . Well , even if I had to pay some money . It was much better than riding my bike for 5 km to get to the ticket booth ! And finally I could see the sunrise at the Angkor Wat ! 🙂 Riding bicycle was much more tiring than riding tuk - tuk , but the experience was incomparable . Riding bike allowed me to enjoy the site as well as the ride . Riding tuk - tuk will make me talk with other passengers and I wouldn 't pay attention to what happened around us . Meanwhile , riding bike gave me time to enjoy the view in silence , in solitude , without having to feel weird not talking to anyone . Funny thing happened when we visited Bayon temple , where a lot of monkeys hung out that morning . We parked our bike and went visit the temple . Like only a minute after we parked the bikes , I heard that one of the bikes fell down . Turned out the monkeys were eating the mangosteens that Amy and Ivone kept in the bike front - basket . We were scared and tried to hold our laugh at the same time ! Yes , during my Bangkok days , I didn 't even meet any other Indonesian who traveled . But when I visited one of the temple in the Angkor Wat complex , I met two other Indonesian girls . It was funny that at the first time I apologized to them because I passed in front of them while they were taking pictures - in English , of course . But then I heard them chatting in Bahasa Indonesia , and I started to talk with them in my native language ! Then we decided to ride our bikes together around the complex . We were almost lost , but it was good to laugh over our stupidity ! Then I went back to my dorm room , and tadaaa ! ! ! another surprise came to me ! A new room mate came , and guess what ? She was Indonesian ! Double bingo ! Then I asked her to dine out with me and two other Indonesian girls I met in Angkor Wat . We ate at Curry Walla , a cheap Indian restaurant near to night market . I was so happy to meet fellow Indonesians on my trip , that I didn 't realized that I was in Cambodia . I spontaneously called the waitress " Mbak " ( sister in Indonesian language ) that it burst our laugh that night ! That night I learned that Indonesians travel , too ! We are the explorer , we are the descendants of Gajahmada the conqueror ! Haha Another stupid thing happened when I was packing my backpack and talking with my Indonesian room mate in the dorm room . I coincidentally spilled my water , and I immediately took a towel to clean it up . After I finished packing my stuffs , I realized that there were two towels on my bed , a used and a new one . So whose towel did I use to clean the floor ? Oh gosh ! It was Ryan 's towel . Haha . . So I took my new towel , wrinkle it a bit , and put it on the floor , beside Ryan 's bed which was next to my bed . I told this stupid incident to my Indonesian roommate and we laughed together . Oh , I was too excited to talk in Bahasa Indonesia that I lost my brains ! Angkor Wat didn 't only give me a great view of a complex of an ancient city , but it also gave me a new perspective on seeing this life . It was raining in the area , so I , Amy , and Ivone decided to take a rest while waiting for the rain to stop . Two very young girls came to us to sell some souvenirs . They talked in pretty good English , and eloquently explained the pictures on the post cards they sold . We bought some souvenir from them , and we talked with Sawin , a pretty and smart little Cambodian girl . We didn 't find any difficulties talking with her in English . I thought I didn 't understand English that well when I was in the 2nd grade . She might only be a second grader , but she taught me a lot . I also worked during the school breaks when I was younger , but it wasn 't as hard as what Sawin has to do . I couldn 't imagine that I should sell some souvenirs to the tourist . I guess it 's not every girl 's dream part - time job . But Sawin reminds me that I was , and still am , a lucky girl . Ii didn 't have to work hard like Sawin does when I was kid . She 's willing to sell some souvenirs after school time to help her family . It reminded me that I should do something for the less fortunate girls around my area . Thanks for indirectly reminding me , Sawin ! Moreover , she 's able to speak some languages , which I adore ! She even talked to Amy and Ivone in Mandarin , and she knew some French . I learned Chinese Mandarin for a year and I forget a lot ! Oh my ! She was just smart ! She might have to work hard at the moment , but I saw that she was a confident and smart girl . I knew she could get what she wants someday . Amen ! That quote sounds almost perfect ! For we can share the laughter , silly things , and even hard moments with the people we travel with . Then a question arises ; how would you create a journey if you travel solo , Rani ? That was my question at the very beginning of my Indochina trip . I was supposed to travel with my brother , but he had to look for universities he wanted to go for his bachelor degree , so he quit from the trip . Yup , then I had to travel solo ! Well , to cheer myself up , I assured myself that everyone needs a moment of solitude , sometimes . But again , I thought it would be just stupid and boring to travel solo and enjoy the trip in silence . But the tickets have been booked , the itinerary has been made , and the time has been allocated . So I packed my 40 liters backpack and I flew to Bangkok ! Turned out things were not that scary as I thought . I met lots of people to share the laughter with . Yes , I love to laugh , and I don 't want people to think that I 'm insane laughing alone . Boys don 't date insane girl ! Duh ! Haha During this trip , I met lots of people who gave interesting experiences for me . From thoughtful small talks to stupid inconsiderate attitudes . So I 'll be writing about the people I 've met and how I learned from them and the experiences I shared with them . This is the first part of the series . After 4 hours flight from Surabaya to Bangkok , I arrived at Khao San Road area around 9 pm . I stayed in a mixed dorm - room in Nap Park Hostel in Tani Road , two alleys next to Khao San Road . I was preparing to take shower that night , when a boy asked me " Did you just arrive here ? Do you have any plan for tonight ? " . " Nope . I don 't have any plan yet " , I replied . " I am going to go to Ping - Pong show with other 14 people . Are you coming with us ? We 'll be leaving at 11 . 30 pm " , he asked again . " I 'm a bit exhausted , so I 'll have a shower and take a nap for a while . I 'll see you guys afterwards " . Well , you may wonder what is interesting with a ping - pong show . It is not a sport game , for sure . It is Thai ping - pong show . I 'm not saying that it 's a bad show at all , people may find it as a source of fun entertainment . I 'm just not into it . First of all , I 'm not a night owl , I 'm bad at staying awake at night . Second , I see this show as an exploitation of women , and third , it is a source of scam . People often have to pay a lot for the entrance ticket or for the drinks . Eww . . ! ! I 'd better to be safe than be sorry ! So I preferred to go to bed . I was in a 6 - beds room that night . Only I and a guy in the bunk below mine were in the room , sleeping . He didn 't go to the show either . I was waken up at 04 . 00 am by a loud conversation between 2 guys in the room . I had no idea whether they were drunk or not , but they just came from watching the ping - pong show . They were talking about how cool the show was , and how one of the guy really wished to hook up with a cute British girl named Georgia . He was disappointed because Georgia shared a bed with her friend , so he couldn 't find any space to hook up with her . Well , don 't get me wrong . Hooking up or not , it is their right , and their personal choice . The thing is , they should haven 't talk about it loudly and at 04 . 00 am when other people in dorm were still sleeping . Enough said ! Haha On my second day in Bangkok , I intended to visit Grand Palace , Wat Po , and Wat Arun . After exchanging some amount of money - yes , I still bring some cash ! An obsolete way that still works ! - , I get out of the bank with a hopeless mind . I just walked along when suddenly I saw another Asian girl walked alone as well . I then asked her what was she looking for , and she told me that she wanted to go to the Grand Palace as well . Yay ! We then decided to explore the city together that day . Her name was Jeon . We almost got scammed by a man who said that Grand Palace was temporarily closed due to the Buddhist Day , and we could come 1 hour later , and we could spend the time cruising the Chao Praya river in between . He offered a tuk - tuk for 10 Baht ( USD 30 cents ) to go to the harbor . We took that great deal , but we didn 't go cruising . The tuk - tuk driver took us to a small harbor , whom the owner he knew so well , apparently . We knew that was an attempt of scam . The tuk - tuk driver might get some commission if we took the tour . Sorry , Sir ! We knew you needed some money , but we did , too ! 🙂 So we explore the traditional market and got our breakfast in a small restaurant near the harbor and the market . I intended to tell them not to give me the spicy one , but we all lost in translation . I remembered that I had a Thai language application in my android phone , so I showed her the sentence I meant . It was funny because it was a recorded voice that I needed to press a button to listen to . So we all laughed over this stupid lost in translation and the use of this application as the way out . It was a bliss to laugh with strangers . We don 't speak the same language but we understood each other and laughed over the silly things we 've shared together . I found that I and Jeon got along well . We both loved to explore the off - beaten places . We visited a museum of King Rama VI , which wasn 't really popular among travelers . I and Jeon entered the building , turned out it was a military base . We saw people in a line to get such background check , apparently . Haha . . We laughed at ourselves because we thought we went to a wrong place . Well , actually the museum was in the second floor of the building . We even were accompanied by a beautiful and knowledgeable army major ! The museum was dedicated for King Rama VI . He was the father of modern Thailand . He went to pursue a degree in UK and served in British royal army before he adopted the western system to Thailand after he went back home . What I learned from Thai people was that they seem to really respect their Kings . I often see lots of photos of the kings in front of a building , with an altar to worship them . So was in the museum . There was an altar with the statue of King Rama VI . We then went to Grand Palace and Wat Arun . We were happy that we weren 't trapped in the scam . The man offered the Chao Praya cruise for over THB 1000 ( app USD 30 ) , and we actually only had to pay for THB 3 to cross the river to Wat Arun when we took the official regular long tail boat . And we did some sport in Wat Arun afterwards ! The stairs to reach the top were so steep that Jeon and I took a long - deep breath to climb the stairs and she was afraid to step down . I then held and led her to step down the stairs . We both laughed a lot afterwards , it was like grandmas holding hand in hand to step down the stairs . Interesting thing happened again when a monk called and blessed us and gave us bracelets . He spelled some prayers and said " Good luck . . Good luck . . " to us . We both laughed and questioned whether we had a bad aura so the monk called and blessed us . Haha . . In the evening I had to say goodbye to Jeon . I know she was sad , so was I . It 's really interesting for me how a stranger could be a friend in a strange place . This experience reminded me of what my dad 's friends told me . They were from Olympia , Washington , which was not a big city at that time . The mother told the son not to talk randomly with stranger . And the son , who was 3 years old at that time , replied to his mom " If I talk to them , they are no longer stranger " . I find it true to me , but again , however deep we can trust them when we travel , they are still stranger . It is good to befriend sincerely , but we haven 't known them for quite long time , so we better set a standard for our own security . We can trust them more after we know them quite well . Disclaimer : the links I provided are for information purpose only . I didn 't get any commission from the links of the products I 've linked here . The products are those I use personally . Posted on May 21 , 2013 by ranilukitasari Traveling always makes me feel excited . I love the process of deciding what to do , where to stay , how to get to a place , what to wear , what to eat , what souvenirs to buy , and what kind of experiences to expect . Those expectations make every trip interesting ! However , on top of all , deciding where to go is the most exciting part yet frustrating , sometimes . Things will be easier when we travel with some one else or some friends . Every feedback counts and one 's opinion can complement others ' . The thing is , I 'll be traveling solo to Indochina next month . I travel solo quite often but within my own country 's boundaries , so I always feel safe doing so . Crossing border where people speak different languages is another thing , even if I know that sign language will always help ! The Tarzan 's language , my mom would call it 🙂 So I researched for my trip . I browsed some of my favorite travel blogs , my favorite travel social media , and even asked for itinerary to my friends who 've been there before . Traveling solo is all about myself and what I want to do or experience , so I tried to make it as personally enjoyable as possible . As I am a very curious person , I wanted to visit as many places as possible , yet again , I have time limit . Oh , I hate it ! I jumped from one possibility to another and to another one and the list goes on and on . I arranged and re - arranged my itinerary based on my main considerations : budget ( yes , I 'm on a budget , buddy ! ) , the attractions that a place offers , time allocation , and how that place can fit my interest . I 'm not a party hopper , so I will skip the full moon parties and river tubing in Vang Vieng , Laos . I don 't drink alcohol so I won 't hang out until the morning comes at Khao San Road . I 'm also not really a beach girl ( I am a mountain girl ! ) , so I 'll skip Pattaya or Phuket , even if people said that those beaches are cool ! Apart from those personal preferences , it was not easy at all to decide where to go since every place is unique in its own way . Chiang Mai offers elephants preservation park , while Siem Reap offers the beautiful Angkor Wat . It was not easy at all to decide whether I should be heading to the north or to the south . Yet again , I only have around 10 days to travel to Indochina , so yes , my time is very very very limited . I always want to do this and that , going here and there , but finally I ( hopefully ) decided that I 'll be heading south instead of north . So pity that I 'll have to skip Luang Prabhang and Chiang Mai , but I have to be rational as well . So I would probably go to Bangkok , Siem Reap , Pnom Penh , Ho Chi Minh , Halong Bai , and Hanoi . Well , on top of all , I don 't want the time constrain to deter me enjoying my trip . Wherever I go , I 'll make sure that I 'll bring my good mood along with me . I will have to ask other fellow travelers for advice as well . So , I 'll update again with my packing list and trip report afterwards ! Posted on April 8 , 2013 by ranilukitasari Look ! How happy I was ( and still am ) to be your daughter . Attention people , my forehead doesn 't look this broad now : pPhoto from circa 1992 Happy 49th Birthdaaaay ! I know . . I know you wish you were only 39 . I know you always feel younger . I know how happy you were when a shopkeeper called you " Mas " instead of " Pak " . I know you too well for this matter . And yes , for however old you will be , you 're still the fun dad I always have ! 🙂 Dad , I may be almost 23 years old , but I 'm still proud to call myself daddy 's little girl . You may never regard it as important stuff , but you have to know how happy I am when people tell me how I really look like you . Our eyes , our lips , our eyebrow , even the way we talk . I can barely remember how my childhood looked like . I wouldn 't recall everything well though . Hehe . . However , I still remember that we used to go together on Sunday evenings to the tennis court near to our house . You played with your friends , while I attended tennis course in the next court . I remember how I and brother enjoyed going to some different places to follow you playing tennis with friends . Oh yes , I remember that three of us went hiking together and you kept making brother sure to keep on walking by saying that there were only two turns left . You kept saying that until we realized that yes there were only two turns left , the right and left turns . That was a bad joke , dad ! Oh yeah , I still remember that you had a weird lullaby song I 've never heard before . Oh dad , I remember how I used to beg for another " normal " lullaby song like the one I used to hear from kids ' song , but you said this song was only for me . Tu as la raison ! Haha Dad , I don 't know how can I be grateful of having a great dad like you are . I can 't thank you enough for making me who I am today . I thank you so much for being a very supportive daddy . I remember how you encouraged me to enroll in best junior high school in town . You made me believe that I would be able to compete with those bright kids . I remember that you used to drive me to every competition I was in . I remember that you used to drive me to the train station at 04 . 00 on Mondays , in order to catch the train to Surabaya . I thank you so much for not being an overprotective dad . I have to thank you for letting me go to Makassar by myself , joining leadership summer camp program held by the Navy . You know I was the only 7th grader among the High School students there ; I was even only 11 at that time . Despite of that , you believed me that I would be just fine . And I was fine ! I thank you for letting me do what I want . I still remember how hard we argued regarding the major I 'd love to take . You convinced me to go to medical school , while I believe that my passion is politics . Once you told me " You can do everything you want , as long as you 're responsible with it " . Anyway , Dad , don 't you realize that I have to blame you ? You made me love politics because we used to talk about politics when I was in high school ! Dad , how funny it is to know how our relationship has changed . From daughter - daddy , to best friends , to business partner . I might have never been your sweetest little girl , as I sometimes am stubborn . You know that I have some weird and wild dreams . But thanks that you never pushed me . I thank you for your patience . Thanks for keeping me down to earth . I thank you for being one of my best friends . Thanks for being a very good business partner , despite the fact that I 'm a massive procrastinator . Hehe . . I know I have to fix this bad habit . I 'm working on it Dad , hang on a bit ! High five ! 🙂 Dad , I learned a lot from you , to be grateful , to be caring to people , and not to easily hate people . I know when someone tried to let you down couples of month ago , you felt so devastated . But you never told us that you were sad . You tried to show us that you were strong so we could become stronger as well . Dad , it is okay that you whine , you 'll still be my hero . You 're still our hero because you didn 't even try to hurt people back . You always believe that good deeds will always win . You always believe that we 'll harvest what we 've planted . And what you said was proven true . You are my life guru . Dad , you 're the most dedicated person I 've ever known . You love your family , you love your job , you love your friends , you love your people . Well , for me and mom , you 're such an annoying guy though . However , your oh - not - that - funny jokes still make us laugh out loud . It wasn 't the joke that funny , but the way you told the joke was . Dad , let me apologize that there 's still a thing that I haven 't done yet . I 'm working on it dad , I will never ever try to make you feel disappointed . I 'll do that for me , for you , for mom , for brother , for us . Well dad , this letter won 't certainly express my love for you or how I feel about you . You just have to know that we love you so much , just like the way you love us . I wish we can still keep each other strong , supporting each other , praying for each other , and still seriously having fun together . I love this imperfectly perfect family 🙂 Posted on October 6 , 2012 by ranilukitasari It 's always nice to travel and work at the same time . Challenging myself to accept an offer from my dad 's friend 's travel company , I worked as a French tour guide . I went with Frederic , Jerome , and Tanguy to Bromo and Ijen via Sukamade . I 've never been to Sukamade before . So , besides of earning more money , I also grab this opportunity to make survey for my own adventure tour operator company . What else could be better than getting to know new place , making survey for free , meeting and learning from new people , and getting paid ? It was perfect ! 🙂 Sukamade is the name of a beach in Meru Betiri National Park , Banyuwangi , where turtles usually put their eggs on . During certain time , turtles seek some beaches to put their eggs , bury them deeply under the sand , and let the eggs naturally hatched . However , due to human 's greedy nature , many eggs were stolen from the beach , and being sold in black market trade . Thus , Meru Betiri National Park was making a hatchery for the turtles . The eggs will be brought to the hatchery center , and buried until they naturally hatched . The baby turtles then are put into an aquarium for 7 days as " adaptation " phase before they will be sent to the beach . I visited this beach as a guide of an organized tour , thus I came there by private car . I started the journey from Kalibaru , Banyuwangi by taking 4 wheel drive jeep , and it took like 5 hours to reach Sukamade . You can reserve a 4 wheel drive jeep at Kalibaru . Most of the hotels have this kind of service , and they even organize a tour to Sukamade . So far , renting private car will be the best and easiest option . However , I was amazed that there were some European guys coming with public transport to Sukamade . I had no idea how they got there , but maybe they got ride from a truck that went to rubber factory near to Sukamade . Those guys had style , man ! Bird watching and ( shallow ) swimming . I went to a river in the late afternoon to get some refreshment . Remember : it 's not Amazon , the river 's depth was not more than my knee . The guys went swimming while I did bird watching . We found some toucans and bats flying home that afternoon . Waiting for the turtles to come to the shore . Well , it was nice activity , anyway . I went there when it was full moon , so it was pretty romantic to watch the moon with a handsome French boy … who was 12 years old . Ahahaha 😀 Watching turtle bury her eggs and go back to the sea . People normally went back to their lodge after they watch the turtle lying her eggs . However , if you want to be a bit more patient , you can see how turtle made camouflage to keep her eggs safe . Watching the " turtle mama " going back to the sea also gave me a touching feeling . I know what she thought was more or less like this ; " Kids , be safe there . I 'll find your daddy . He has to pay the bill ! " Animal watching . If you 're lucky like I was , you 'll be able to see some animals hunting foods in the night . I saw some deer and pigs . In the day , you can see some species of monkey hanging around on the trees . They were photogenic . Trust me 🙂 Releasing turtle . Well , it may look interesting to release baby turtles to the sea . However , we have to know that baby turtle doesn 't eat anything until they lost their placenta . It took like 7 days . Sometimes , because the demand is high ( and the economical income so ) , the ' under aged " turtles were released . It will kill them , because they are not ready enough to hunt any food before the placenta has totally gone . Visiting Teluk Hijau ( green bay ) . This is what we call as paradise ! It was so calm , quiet , and " untouched " . It has white sands and in the rainy season , there will be a waterfall there . We were like in our private beach , minus the party : p We don 't have many options regarding accommodation . The youngsters prefer to set the tent . While I stayed at a lodge . It was basic accommodation with typical Indonesian " bak mandi " way of taking bath . There are two choices of lodge . The first one is called " wisma pantai " ( beach lodge ) , which is closer to the Sukamade beach . I prefer to stay at " wisma kebun " ( garden lodge ) . It has a mini restaurant with quite peaceful environment . You better carry food yourselves if you choose to stay at wisma pantai or setting tents . But if you stay at wisma kebun , they will cook for you . It costs around IDR 40 . 000 , - / pax Bring your mosquito repellent . When I was there , there was no single mosquito . But just to let you know , mosquitoes are everywhere in Indonesia . Just be prepared 🙂 And yes , please bring some sarong or mattress , or whatever available as a layering . You 'll wait for hours for the turtle to come . You may fall asleep , too . Thus , bringing a linen to lie down is a good idea 🙂 Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . hellyontherunBrainRantsI WinUltra Runner GirlWriting about running , war zones , and everything in between @ fionahutamataking life one adventure at a time | Muser | Diver | ExplorerEat , Run , and Everything in BetweenFinding Balance One day at a TimeSh * t My 12 - Year - Old SaysI couldn 't possibly make this sh * t up . Stuff Kids WriteLike stuff adults write . But funnier . International Andrea @ ernestprakasariveting roars of random rantsMademoiselle IstanbulVoyages , bonnes adresses et fantaisies du quotidienadhitiasofyan . wordpress . com / |
The lorry park offered free showers and a Transport Café . When the suczka in the BP shop wouldn 't sell me fags , I went into he café for a coke and swiped two packs from tables I walked past . The driver had gone for a shower and a meal and I idled away the time at the Outdoor Activity Centre net to the petrol station , studying advertisements for white - water rafting and bungee jumping and other exciting adventures for rich pussies . Later the driver cam back carrying a pack of four large cans of Stella , which he shared freely . I got the narrow top bunk , and together we listened to a Best of Italian Opera mix and talked for a while about the Highlands , and the freedom of the road , and how it was disappearing a little bit every year . Then we settled down for the night . I felt very comfortable in the cosy shelter of the lorry cab , in spite of the pain in my shoulder . I enjoyed the smell of patrol , beer , male sweat , and aftershave , the hypnotic lights from passing cars that came through the cracks in the drapes and moved white bars across the walls and ceiling , and the sound of the petrol station and the rain on the metal roof directly above my head . Eventually I drifted into sleep , and for a few hours I found rest in the deep sea silence and darkness of dreamless sleep , before the nightmares started again . My dreams of that time came in two shades . Either it was that of the madding crowd . I would be in some place thick with peeps . Sometimes it was my old school , or the Prinzenbad public pool , where I used to go with my mates in the summers in Berlin , or it could be something from my recent life , like , say , a theatre or gallery I 'd hit with Charley in Edinburgh , or the Headrow in Leeds , where I 'd worked with Julie , or the camping site at the Big Chill . Wherever it was , it always began with me going about my business , alone . But then something would happen with the crowd . Sometimes they would start to mutter and talk amongst themselves , too low for me to understand . Sometimes I realized they were talking in some language I didn 't know . And then they 'd begin to stare . Someone might ask me something in gibberish and get angry when I couldn 't respond . Or they 'd start pushing me around , and shouting all together at me in an unintelligible cacophony of exclusion . In the end though the real horror wouldn 't come from those crowding me from head on but from someone being suddenly in directly in my back , touching me from behind , hot breath on my neck , too close to bear . In the other kind of nightmare , I 'd be stalked . Those would begin with me alone in some place that had been populated on moments ago , you know , Mary Celeste like . There would be food on the tables , and steaming mugs of tea . Tellies were on , flickering , but set to a quite murmur . There might be open books about , or fluttering newspapers , or unfinished letters , the pen still lying on the paper , the ink not yet dry . At first it wouldn 't be eerie , but seemed perfectly natural . As if I knew where they all were , and why . Sometimes I could hear peeps nearby , around a corner or behind some wall . Never loud , but , you know , present in their absence somehow . I knew they weren 't far . But then something would enter . I 'd notice motion behind a row of trees perhaps , or hear a floorboard creek beyond a door that 's been left ajar . Whatever It was , It would slowly come closer , prowling , lurking , circling me , moving behind furniture , or behind me . And I would realize that all those peeps that moments ago still had been just around some corner , that they were all gone now . I was all alone . Even if I ' start to shout for help , nobody would be there to hear me . Nobody would come . And I would become afraid . Terrified . I never had a clear idea what It would do to me when It caught , but I knew that anything would be better . Anything . Anything but that . That was the dream I had that night . When I woke up with a start I painfully hit my head on the ceiling of the cab . For a moment I was convinced that It had followed me from the dream and was now going to grab me . Then a large lorry passed outside . It 's headlights illuminated the entire cab and I saw that nobody was there except for me and my still snoring host . Too shaken to lie down again I got dressed in the darkness , grabbed my bag , and crept out . I lit a fag , crossed the A9 and the fields beyond , and climbed down the bank to the shore of the river Tummel . There I stripped and stepped directly into the cold , rain - swollen waters , and washed the stink of fear from my skin . The current was pretty strong . The water surged and swelled around me . In the distance I saw otters glide through the waves , look up , and disappear . The overcast sky was beginning to grow grey when I walked back onto the shingle beach . I was shivering , partly with the cold , and partly still with the tension from the nightmare . I stepped into my boots , tied the lose laces once tightly around each ankle , and began training Aikido , hard enough to break out into a light sweat again . I kicked shadowy enemies , blocked their invisible blows , and rolled across the ground to evade their attacks , the pebbles scratching my back bloody . When I was done the shivers had passed . There was hardly any traffic sounds from the A9 , down there in the river valley , and when I finally got dressed , the birds around me began greeting the new day . My aunt is mad about songbirds , you see , she got her garden planted especially to attract them , and she is always pointing out one or the other of her little feathered friends , which is how I knew most of those that started singing all around me then : Thrushes and Robins , Tits , Siskins , and Blackbirds . And with their dawn chorus my soul , too , suddenly took wing , and soared , rose above the gloom of the night , rose , and rose , and revelled in the glory of the new day . Ponyboy was crawling around in the rain and the muck in the alley behind the pub . I helped him to his feet , put his left arm around my shoulders , and with some effort got him to tell me where he lived . Fortunately it wasn 't very far . I realized suddenly that it had been over a year that I had quit my own H addiction , and that I 'd gone completely without since . Being a thief had completely replaced my libido . Sure , I had wanked , quite obsessively at times , but the last time I 'd gotten any of the real stuff had been that time Hendrik had made me wear his girlfriend 's clothes and had then screwed me , calling me by her name all through , and demanding of me to answer in a ridiculous falsetto voice and pretending to be a horrible caricature version of her . But nothing of the sort happened that night : I finally got Ponyboy into his flat , a dank , one - room cellar affair that smelled as if it hadn 't been aired out ever , while for the last two years every weekend two unwashed teams of rugby players had had wild orgies in there , and in between the place had been used alternately as a meth kitchen and a field hospital . The gray sheets of his bed actually felt greasy . I dumped the near comatose boy onto it and lay down next to him . Ponyboy said something that sounded like " I 'll be back in a moment " and started snoring . I lay next to him for a while . We were both still fully clothed ( well , I was , he was still wearing his stage outfit ) , and soaking wet from the heavy rain . When I started to shiver , I took his bed covers that were lying - I swear , I 'm not exaggerating here - in a heap on top of loads of unwashed underwear , an overflowing ashtray , and several half eaten , already partially mouldering , and mostly tipped over cups of instant noodles . Hence , it too was wet in several places , and just extremely nasty . I think the only way to ever get it clean again would have been to burn it . I think I have slept cleaner under bridges and supermarket loading docks . That night it was the perfect cover for me . I put it over myself and Ponyboy , hugged him tight , and just lay there in all that grime , and wetness , and soaked in his presence . After a while I got too horny to bear , unbuttoned my jeans , and wanked until I blew a load into my boxers . For a brief while I fell asleep . Very early that morning I stole out of Ponyboy 's cellar flat , and rang a very annoyed Charley out of his bed . I pestered him until he connected me with an ethically challenged locksmith who would make me a copy of Ponyboy 's front door key without asking any questions . ( He did take a pretty hefty fee , but what was I really going to do with all the money Charley and I were making ? ) What can I tell you about Ponyboy ? We didn 't really talk about much . He was somewhere in his early 20s and enrolled in something artsy and futureless at Edinburgh University . He was from Gretna , in the very South - East of Scotland , near the English border , and claimed he had been conceived in the shadow of the Lochmaben Stone . My favourite tattoo on his body was the phoenix rising from his crotch , and the three symbols on his back , one of each shoulder blade and one on the nape of his neck . I supposed they were the letters " G " ( or perhaps " C " ) , " Z " , and " J " ( or maybe " I " ) . Each was about the size of my palm and heavily ornamented in skulls , bones , blades , screaming faces , hangman 's nooses , and other symbols of death . At the time I sort of assumed they were his initials , though I never asked him for his name . He asked me once . I was lying on his bed , on my side , hogtied , and trousers around my ankles . He had lit a fag and put it between my lips . I watched crumbs of still glowing ash fall and burn tiny holes into his rumpled , gray sheets . He was sitting next to me , naked , glowing in fresh , post - orgasm sweat , and folding little fighter jets from his huge stacks of sheet music - his rents had once made him learn the piano , but he had since sold his instrument to pay for H . He tried to knock the fag from my mouth with his paper planes , but all he could hit was my belly and shoulders and the top of my hat . " What does it matter to you ? " I tried to growl around the cigarette , but it fell from my mouth . Fascinated we both watched it burn a big , smouldering hole into the sheets and mattress , but eventually it winked out and nothing really caught fire . For the most part my routine that second week in Edinburgh was to be woken by nightmares and sneak out hours before Morpheus relinquished his hold on Ponyboy . If it was early enough that the city was still mostly asleep I 'd go to walk to Holyrood Park , go for a run , and practice Aikido in the valley between Arthur 's Seat and the Salisbury Crags . Then I 'd return to Curtis 's , Matt 's , and Marci 's flat for a shower and maybe a change of clothes , and go to a Laundromat nearby to wash what I 'd worn the day before . Around noon I 'd meet with Charley , who 'd usually make me eat something , and we 'd decide what games to play that day . Eventually we 'd end up in some pub , get pissed , and I 'd bid him good night . Then I 'd walk over to Ponyboy 's and peek through the window . When he wasn 't home , I 'd just let myself in and nap on his bed till he arrived . When he was there , I 'd watch him through his window until there was a good moment to sneak in and sort of just materialize out of thin air next to him . He must have figured out that I had a copy of is key early on , but I think I managed to startle him at least a bit every day . And that was my Edinburgh episode . I 've never been back , and I left nothing but a long line of hurt marks and two blokes who didn 't know anything about me . I thought that with leaving Charley I had finally turned my back on Leeds for good , too . Never in a million years had I thought that Edinburgh could ever come to haunt me . It would be half a year before I would figure out how wrong I was . In Edinburgh I finally returned to my webspace . What , you thought I learned to write such stunning prose in school ? Nah , I had a nice space on Yahoo , the old 360 that they eventually got rid of , where I had virtual friends , and where I could write the stuff nobody in my real life could give a flying fuck about . In fact , a lot of what I 'm telling you here originally appeared on Y360 and - after that was gone - on multiply . There was JD , an Asian - Australian Christian , who began by wanting pics of my butt in undies , but ended chatting with me about religion and literature . There was " Uncle Ed " , the obese , insecure shoe salesman from New Jersey , who in all seriousness tried to get me to mend my wicked ways while audibly drooling whenever he asked me about my sins . There was Jim , the seventy year old ex military intelligence chap who lived in a little cabin in the wilderness of Michigan , tended his vegetable patch , and couldn 't for the life of him admit that he was into young blokes . He , too , wanted me to repent , but when I wouldn 't , he was quite content just to talk about people , politics , and philosophy instead . And there was Matt , the black father of two teenage daughters , who dreamed of having a white boy as his slave . We sort of got into a father - son sex role - play that over time got to be less and less about sex and more and more about being father and son . Not all of them were naughty , mind you . Shawn , for example , a queer HIV + ex - amphetamine - junkie from Philadelphia , and writer , director , and producer of small but increasingly successful Off - Off - Broadway plays , made it abundantly clear that he wouldn 't talk with me about anything sexual until at least my 18th birthday . We began chatting when I was 14 , so if that had been his aim , he certainly was in it for the long haul . No , he was perfectly happy to just be a pen pal , follow my blog as I was following his , comment , listen , advise , and chat . I hadn 't blogged or chatted with anyone for over a month when I went back online from the ESCape Internet Café on London Road in the New Town of Edinburgh on August 13 , four days after I had left Leeds . My online friends were suitably impressed about my daring , or dutifully admonished me to be sensible and return to my mum , though I suspect most of them didn 't believe a word of what I told them . Only Jim actually figured out a way to follow my IP addresses and reluctantly decided to trust me on the rest of what I blogged . He also became an increasing pain in the arse about me stopping this nonsense . The other thing I returned to in Edinburgh was regular training . When I had been nine years old it had become apparent that my regular and unacceptably violent fights were part of a pattern . I was sent to a kiddie shrink and to Ergotherapy - and to an Aikido Dojo . Once I started doing Aikido my fights really did seem to abate . Of course , then my dad up and left , and two years later after a fashion so did ' Nette . That was when things became really bad , rozzers and all . But ever since then I had trained martial arts almost religiously . I always liked how it complemented football . Football was about interacting with the external world , about strategy , and friendship , and fighting the enemy . Martial Arts was about the internal enemy , about discipline . Some people have raised eyebrows and commented that it was a really stupid idea to teach a troubled , violent kid how to dish out hurt more efficiently . But I am certain , if it hadn 't been for Aikido and for my sensei , I probably would have become a killer a long time ago . It really helps , you know . Anyway , a while ago my sensei had kicked me out of the Dojo for dishonourable behaviour . But I continued to train on my own , mostly up on the roof above Berlin . I even did while I was locked up in juvie . It helped calm my nerves . But when I got back out , I stopped . The internal enemy had won anyway , hadn 't he ? What was the point of continuing to fight a lost battle ? In Edinburgh I returned to training . I went for regular runs in Holyrood Park . Those two weeks I spent in Edinburgh it was raining almost constantly . Seriously . Even by British standards it must have been the wettest August in ages . Once it got so bad the sewers backed up all the way into the flat where I was crashing . I woke to screams of disgust and the stink of sewage soaking into the carpets . Mostly I ran so I wouldn 't lie awake on the couch , chasing sleep that just eluded me . There was too much I didn 't want to think about as I lay there and stared up at the ceiling . To avoid that my choices were either exhausting myself to the point of collapsing into comatose sleep , or drinking myself into a stupor . On some nights I resorted to the latter , but even I knew I felt much better the next day when I did the former . I did stop fighting . I had stopped after that one fight with Hendrik , at the beginning of our affair , back in June . That had been the last time , actually the last time until Samuel , almost one year later . And when H and I went our separate ways , I started stealing , and I didn 't have to do it anymore . I know , nobody believes me , but it is true . That thing with the rozzer in my mum 's flat that the judge got herself so worked up about , that doesn 't really count . I wasn 't trying to hurt her at all , you see , I didn 't even know she was there . If Kreuzberg is one of the bad parts of Berlin , then SO36 is one of the bad parts of Kreuzberg . And the Kotti , the Kottbusser Platz , a market place , roundabout , and U - Bahn station , is the living , beating , rotted heart of SO36 . At the Kotti it 's easier to find a pusher than a rozzer . At the Kotti German is barely recognized as business language , it is the sign of the outsider , the visitor , the tourist . The Kotti is surrounded by tall , bleak , prefab tower blocks . And for as long as I can remember we have lived in a small , three - room council flat on the top level of one of those towers . My room had formerly been mine and ' Nette 's together . Later I had to cede it to Lukas for a couple of years until he finally went away to join the military . The room was tiny and lightless , not much more than a walk - in closet . There was the mattress directly on the floor ( it had been bunk beds while I shared with ' Nette ) , a tiny desk , a chair , stacks and stacks of books and CDs , a rickety wardrobe , half of which was occupied by even more books and music , and still space enough left to turn around on your own axis without bumping your elbows or stepping on something - if you were careful and did it standing on one foot . The only window was narrow and high on the wall . But that window was the best part of the whole room , and why I really liked living there . For the wall that window was set in for the most part separated our house from the next one , but ours was a few meters higher . The window was set so high because the roof of the next house ended just there . Which meant that through that window I could climb onto that neighbouring roof , a roof ten stories over the surrounding streets and courtyards , and watch all of Berlin spread out around me . That roof has always been my favourite place in all the world . Whenever things got bad , I would get up there , smoke , drink , and let my legs dangle from the rim and my eyes travel over the skyline . Usually that alone would be enough to calm me down . And if it wasn 't I 'd practice aikido during sunset or sunrise . Corny ? Sure . But have you ever done it ? Well , then don 't laugh . Just believe me , it feels great . Of course the roof was also a great place to get away in the other , less metaphorical sense . There was a door directly to the staircase , and you could jump down to the roof of the next house and get into the staircase there . Lots of entrances and exits . So when the rozzer came knocking that day that was what I tried to do - get away . Only she was much closer on my heels than I thought . Literally . When I kicked around to wriggle out of the window onto the roof she was just reaching for my ankle . Instead she got the sole of my trainer smack in the kisser . There was the crunch of cartilage and bone and a lot of blood . And the last black mark on a long list of such marks , convincing the judge that I was one pitch black sheep in dire need of separation from the flock . Maybe it was an understandable mistake . Given my record why should anyone have believed my claim that I hadn 't intentionally hurt that lady copper . I was neither know for my pacifism or restraint , nor for speaking the truth . Especially not to my mum . But that one time it was the truth , goddamn it , it was . It was only after I landed in juvie that they began to take note of my lack of further fighting . I was the model inmate . And they totally misunderstood that , too . I only studied so hard for school because being inside was so mindbogglingly boring that even irregular French verbs were a welcome distraction . Also , I wasn 't stupid enough to go stealing from peeps I was locked up with . I mean , come on , folks . I was the bloody youngest bloke in there , by a margin of a whole year . And the others were there for stuff like drug trafficking , rape or assault - and not kicking a rozzer by accident during arrest but of the deliberate baseball attack sort . But none of that kept me actually on what the guards , the social workers , the shrinks , and my mum looked at as the straight and narrow . No , I just got along . I figured out the rules of the game and I played by them , not because I believed in them , but because it was the only way not to lose . When I saw a chance to bend or break those rules without repercussions for myself , I did so . Of course , there were less possibilities within the limited game of juvenile hall . But when I met Uncle Valya , I jumped at the chance to learn how to . So maybe you could say that this was really where that path began , in Old Luisenstadt Graveyard , playing poker with my mates . Or by breaking up with Hendrik . Or I was pushed on it by whatever it was that made me fight and that could only be placated by becoming a thief . Don 't worry , I haven 't forgotten . I 'm trying to tell you how I became a thief . The shoplifting , that might have been my first attempt at it . Well , it wasn 't actually . Before that I had sometimes taken some money from my mum 's purse , although never without feeling , well , not so much guilty as cheap . Dirty . Low . And when she sent me for groceries I often kept some or all of the change for myself . I usually did that with a rather clear conscience , calling it a carrying fee in front of myself . Once , when I was about 10 , I stole a really cool key chain with a skull pendant from Leo , even though I knew I would never be able to wear it . Everybody would instantly recognize it . I stole it anyway , and I felt curiously good and bad about it at the same time . But none of that made me a thief . At best someone who stole . All of this was before I went to juvie , obviously . This is what lead up to my arrest , to the whole year before that blacked - out Friday night in Neukölln , and my final break out at Wotton - under - Edge . My fighting problem was at its worst then , and I knew I was about to be kicked out of school . The rozzers were regular guests at my mum 's flat . I was going to counselling twice a week , but that was a total waste of time . I mean , I suppose it cannot work when you do not tell them what 's really on your mind . But how can you when you cannot even tell it to yourself , when the very thoughts they want to hear are the pain you are trying to get away from , are exactly that which is so bad that getting the shit beaten out of you is a welcome distraction . How can you reach someone for who being tortured has become addictive , the thing to look forward to ? The next school year my academic performance was really going below par as well . I mean , I am no genius , but when half your class is still struggling with the common language , it doesn 't take much to stay abreast . But that year , well , I couldn 't even muster the effort for that . By the spring of 07 it was clear that I would have to repeat the year if nothing was done . My mum made me take private tutoring , even though we really couldn 't afford it . All through summer I had to job to pay her back some , and the planned trip to my aunt in Gloucestershire fell flat also . I managed to scrape by , just barely in French and Chemistry , but enough to move up to 4th form . With all my studying and jobbing , babysitting little Nicky , and the thing with Hendrik , I had hardly spent any time with my mates all summer . So when sometime in late August after football training Hector suggested a poker game at Old Luisenstadt Graveyard I felt more than obligated to agree . My mum returned from work around 10 pm . ' Nessa , Nicky , and I had already had supper . When my mum looked in on me I pretended I was studying for school , but I had hidden a Travis McGee novel inside the massive chemistry textbook . Nicky was asleep . Mum and ' Nessa talked for a while in the kitchen , then Mum withdrew into the living room , where she slept on the sofa - bed . Around midnight I went to the loo . Mum had fallen asleep over a crossword - puzzle . I pulled the cover up to her shoulders , put the biro and the puzzle book onto the couch table , and turned off the light . When I put on trainers in the hall , ' Nessa came out of the kitchen . " And you are putting on a jacket for that ? " She pointed out the tracksuit top I was wearing . Say about her what you want , but my big sister is a sharp one . The night was bloody marvellous . The air was damp and cool , hazy with a hint of mist from the canal . It smelled of dust , straw and dew , just the way a summer night is supposed to smell . I biked down Admiralstrasse , Grimmallee , and Körtestrasse , and no ten minutes after leaving the house I climbed the fence of the graveyard . I was the first and I had some time to visit ' Nette 's grave . Leo found me there . He had brought beer and handed me one . I lit a fag for him . He squeezed my shoulder and we went over to the big stone angel with the chipped off face that guards the oldest part of the grounds . Hec and Orcun joined us there . We stayed until dawn . On the way back to Kotbusser Tor we stopped at a bakery . Officially it was still closed but we went to the back door and the apprentice sold us a couple of warm sesame rings anyway . And when I let myself into the flat , mum was waiting for me . I had expected her to sleep in , since that week her shift at the supermarket didn 't start before 10 am . Normally she wouldn 't have been up before 8 . But Nicky had had a colic that night and his implacable crying had woken her around the time we left the graveyard . She had only meant to look in on me to get a glimpse of her youngest peacefully asleep or something , but when she had found me gone she had pressed ' Nessa for info and ' Nessa had told her I 'd been gone all night . My mum has never had the energy to care much about my private life , but with all the bother and expenses of getting me through the previous school year , she totally blew her top this time : I was grounded for three weeks , football training and all . I was to go to school and back right after . When she was at work , I was to call her from the phone at the flat so that she could see via caller ID that I really was where I was supposed to be , and she made sporadic calls to make certain I staid in . I was supposed to use the time to study . Of course she couldn 't know what this would cost us all in the long run . None of us knew what this would lead to . Because in those three weeks I discovered that art and joy of larceny . Over the summer I had read Neil Gaiman 's American Gods . I had liked it a lot and read a number of interviews with Mr . Gaiman about the book . I learned that one of the books he had used for research had been The Big Con by David Maurer . I had tried to get that at the library , without success . What I had found instead , amongst a lot of books on card and coin tricks , was How To Be A Professional Confidence Artist by former Michigan rozzer Dennis M . Marlock . HTBAPCA isn 't actually meant to be a how - to book , or if , it 's rather meant to be a how - not - be - scammed book . In the end , I think , it mostly is a why - confidence - artists - are - really - not - cool - at - all book . But to me it was a revelation . If I hadn 't been grounded I may never have read it . It didn 't look particularly interesting , but rather dull , a small press pamphlet . So I had put it aside and more or less forgotten about it . I might even already had gotten a reminder from the library to return it . But then I was grounded and once more began using my entire waking time to read . And eventually I picked up Mr . Marlock 's pamphlet . At first I wasn 't really that into it . The writing is a bit too smug for my taste , too cocksure . The first chapter is on change raising . It sounded positively barmy . I was certain that what he explained would never work in real life . But the good thing about that technique is that you can at worst only embarrass yourself with it . Even if caught nobody can prove you did anything with criminal intent . I was bored . I was pissed off at my mum . I felt another fight coming on . No idea with who , but my blood temperature was rising , and I knew that sooner or later someone would be along , just when I was about to boil over . And I would be in trouble again . I needed a distraction . Hendrik , who had kept my temperature down for the last couple of weeks , was gone from my life for good , so there wouldn 't be any help there . So when my mum sent me to buy groceries one evening I decided to give it a try . Like I said , this wasn 't the first time I stole something , but still this was different , I knew that , even before I did it . This was serious . I wished to defraud someone deliberately and see if I could not learn what it had to teach me . I wasn 't setting out to pinch some chewing gum or cigarettes , this wasn 't giggling excitement , a lark to pass the time . That I went at it alone was telling enough . This was like drinking on your own . When I went into the supermarket on that August afternoon , I went like a samurai going to battle . At the supermarket they have these shopping trolleys that take a Euro coin as security deposit . It was early evening , rush hour at the checkout lanes . The sales girl had just started processing a mum with three hyperactive kids when I approached her about some change to release one such trolley . I had to wait a good while for the sales girl and the mum to get everything tallied , paid , and packed away ( again , amidst kids climbing on the conveyor belt and other waiting customers , begging for sweets , and chasing each other around ) . I kept hovering patiently behind the sales girl and smiling benignly at the kids . This was going just as I had hoped . By the time she was free to help me , she was quite apologetic and thankful for my patience , but at the same time also under pressure to get on to the next customer in line , who had already been waiting even longer . I handed her a twenty Euro bill and got a tenner , a fiver , and some coins in return . I smiled again and began to say thank you , when in putting the money away I discovered a 1 - Euro - coin sized token that you can also use to release a trolley . I slapped my forehead and asked her to please take the fiver and the coins back , in return for a tenner , as I really did not want to carry all that lose change around . With just that hint of uncertainty and doubt in my voice I said : " That should be all . " Just enough to make her check if she really got the whole 10 Euro worth of change , enough to make me seem innocent if she hadn 't gotten all . And of course , she hadn 't . I was two Euros short . That was odd . I was puzzled . Hadn 't I just handed her back what she had given me ? Had she really given me the full amount in return for my twenty ? I searched my pockets while the annoyed murmuring from the queue was getting louder and more urgent . She still remembered my own patience with her and the mum , but worry lines were beginning to show on her face . I put the tenner between my lips and patted myself down with both hands . There , some change , most of it in coppers . I count out three fifty cent coins , one twenty and one ten cent piece , that is two Euros . " Look here , " I said , taking the tenner from between my lips , now obviously very embarrassed and in a hurry . " Here is twelve . Together with eight I just gave you that is twenty . Just gimme back my original twenty note and we are done ; after all , I got the token for the trolley . " Under pressure from the customers she counted the money and right enough , twenty Euro . She gave me back my banknote and let me go . She had a somewhat troubled look on her face , but even trying to think it through she could not find any fault . She shrugged it off , and hey , I was a polite and honest looking German boy , not some pidgin speaking Turkish hoodlum or a Yugoslav gypsy , it was probably alright . When I left I felt great . It wasn 't the money , though for a 14 year old from a household where a single mum had to work 2 jobs to see her family fed and clothed , 10 Euro is nothing to be sneezed at . But that wasn 't what gave me that incredible high . No , having been able to fool her , messing around with her in plain sight , und under the scrutiny of dozens of annoyed witnesses wishing me to hell , and still getting away with it … what a rush ! I did it as often as I could . When my mum ended the grounding , I spent my afternoons on the shopping miles of Berlin and milked every small and mid - sized store I could . I avoided the really big places , large department stores and such , figuring they would have cameras and detectives and that they might have schooled their cashiers to catch this form of deception . But I hit all the little boutiques , the expensive sweet shops that sell gift hampers and gold wrapped pralines by the ounce , and all the other shops scattered along Tauntziehen , Wilmersdorfer , Tor , and Schlossstrasse , around Hermannplatz and Leopoldplatz . I only steered clear of the area around Oranienburger and Kotti . I was too familiar a face in my own Kiez to risk getting a rep for change raising there . Word would have filtered back to my mum . I made some fascinating discoveries . Computer shops were amongst the easiest targets - they were used to handle large amounts of money and the personnel was definitely more interested in the technical than the commercial side of any transaction . But every now and then there would be a math wiz amongst the nerds that would make me at once . Often enough they wouldn 't suspect foul play at all , though , but just correct me , complacent in their mathematical savvy . Every now and then I encountered a cashier that was trying to shortchange me as I was trying to raise the change . Shortchangers aren 't exactly thick on the ground , but shockingly common if you try enough . One time we both recognized each other at the same time . It was a cheap jeans shop off Rosa Luxemburg Platz and the garishly made up half - Arabic girl might have been doing it out of sheer boredom . Certainly her chewing gum held more fascination for her than her few customers - who , truth be told , turned out to be only window shoppers . But she was skilled enough to obviously not have started with it that day . Of that I am certain . When we made one another we looked at each other , first guiltily , then angry , sizing each other up . And then we both had to laugh . We each took back out original investment and I left , strangely relieved . I had met myself , and we had disliked each other less than I would have expected . But as fun as raising change is , it is a somewhat elaborate con for a usually pretty low gain . Once you start to fish for larger sums than ten Euro people tend to get much more careful . ( Once I did walk away from a computer shop with two fifty Euro notes that I had let them give me for allowing them to briefly handle the five hundred that I had brought along . I never could repeat that stunt , though , and eventually got into trouble for trying . I had to leg it and leave behind a good deal more than those one hundred , so in the end the attempt to go for big fish was a net loss for me . ) Which meant that eventually I began to hunt for other games . Most grifts require two or more peeps - usually at least one roper who engages the mark and a cap who comes in and takes over . Those that can be played by a lone grafter require some serious skill at sleight - of - hand when for example you swap the mark 's money at the crucial moment for a wad of worthless scrap paper faced back and front by a single real banknote . So , after doing a bit of research , and beginning to train my fingers to do what I wanted them to while I was focusing attention elsewhere , I decided that I might as well pick pockets directly . In the end , that to me is the purest form of the art : Your dexterity and skill at misdirection against the mark 's perceptiveness and presence of mind . I said my first time going out to raise change I went like a Samurai going into battle . In a way that is of course total bollocks . The very essence of a Samurai is that he follows a lord , that he adheres to a code . A true Samurai is never selfish . He sacrifices himself for his lord , not just his life , but his personality , his innermost being . With Hendrik I actually tried that , even though I suppose in the end I failed . Or he proved unworthy of the sacrifice . I still do not know which it was . But being a thief I did nothing of the sort . It was utterly selfish . But there still was something of Bushido in all this . Life in every breath . Focusing all of existence on a single moment , letting that moment expand to fill the entire universe , so that time stops and each second becomes an eternity unto itself . When I stole , everything else ceased to exist . I finally had found something better than fighting . I had found something better than wanking , better than sex . It was my daily worship , my mass and prayer . |
1 Comment » After Kara 's adoption was complete , we were finally ready to settle in for " normal " life . I found peace that our family was complete and did not have that empty feeling wondering who was missing from our table . My heart is still burdened for orphans / adoption , but my role has become one of assisting and encouraging others along the way . My main resources for doing this are this blog and an online discussion group that I started to help families who have or are adopting children with clubbed feet . The group currently consists of 180 members in all stages of the process with children from all over the world . It has been a blessing to watch God bring so many of these wonderful kids into loving families where their feet are treated and where they go on to live happy , normal lives . I don 't know if God has more plans for me in the orphan / adoption arena in the future , but I am open to His leading . Our lives are very full raising our five children . It 's easy to be consumed just doing what we have to do : laundry , cleaning , cooking , etc . , but God has called me to a much higher purpose than that . He impressed on me when the kids were just babies that these are HIS children . He has placed them in my care to raise them knowing Him - not ABOUT Him , but actually knowing HIM . That 's where I went astray as a child / young adult , and it is my passion to not have my own children repeat my mistakes . There is a great difference in having a lot of spiritual , and even Biblical , knowledge and actually having a personal , growing relationship with Jesus Christ . The latter is our goal . How do we even begin to do that ? The answer is given in Deuteronomy 6 . First and foremost , I must love God with all of my heart , soul , and strength . Boy , do I fall short of that , but that is what is required . His commands are to be in my own heart before I can pass them on to my kids . Then I am to diligently teach them to my children as we go throughout all of our days . His principles are to be constantly before us , incorporated into every detail of our conversations and experiences . Children today live in such a difficult world . They are the targets of every kind of worldview . The opposition is keenly aware that the kids literally hold the future , and fight for every one they can get . It is the children of today that will be the leaders in the not - to - distant future , and it is the responsibility of every generation to train the next to follow the Creator and His ways . It is my desire to give my children such a strong foundation that nothing will shake them when God calls them to whatever He has for them . That requires focused diligence every day as we deal with issue by issue . Homeschooling , of course , plays a major part in the training of our children , and I am thankful that God has provided a way for us to do that . My Mom often reminds me that " when God wants you to do something , He always provides the way . " Oh , that is so true . Every year there are new obstacles to overcome , but I have learned not to worry about the details . When I need an answer , it is always there at just the right time . From scheduling , to physical arrangements , to guiding the kids , etc . , God is always faithful in giving the direction that I need to serve Him . So , that is my passion . I believe that is God 's calling on my life . It 's not very " exciting " or glamorous , but the rewards are eternal . When I see my kids clinging to Christ it is all worth it . And it 's not just MY kids - He has placed a burning passion in my soul to reach other kids along the way . Whether it is through teaching Sunday School , helping with scouts , going to baseball games , or even just writing entries in this blog , He has called me to be a witness to the next generation : a witness of His amazing , saving grace that has transformed my life from darkness to light . 1 Comment » " We are in China . " Those were the words that my sister - in - law Kyleen whispered to me as our plane landed in Shanghai . I can 't begin to explain the feelings I had at that time . Excitement , nervousness , fear all mixed together . We were on the doorstep of an adventure of a lifetime , and I had the perfect travel partner . Dan had decided to stay home with our other children , so Kyleen volunteered to help me through the process . God knew she was the one that I needed for those days . We met up with our travel group the next day in Hefei , which is the capital city of Anhui Province where we were to meet Shayanne and complete her adoption . There were several families in our travel group , all of whom became very dear to us in a very short time . Our guide 's name was Rui ( pronounced Ray ) . She also proved to be just the person at just the right time and place for the days to come . We had a day to spend in Hefei getting all of the paperwork , money , etc . organized before meeting Shayanne . We knew that it would be a very emotional experience , so Kyleen wisely suggested that we should write down a list of questions for the nannies so we could get as much information about her as possible . One of these questions was " is there anything else about Shayanne that we need to know ? " You can imagine the anticipation that filled the bus as we traveled to the Civil Affairs office to meet our children . Shayanne was the only child being adopted from her orphanage that day , and her city was several hours away from Hefei . So , she was the last child to arrive . The people who accompanied her were in quite a hurry to begin the trip back to their city , so they wanted to get through the process as quickly as possible . When I saw Shayanne , I was completely unprepared for what I would experience . She was so very tiny - nothing like the other toddlers in our group . She was very much an infant even though she was the oldest child there that day . Kyleen and I both immediately felt uneasy , and to be honest , I knew right away that this was not my child . Things just didn 't seem right , that 's the only way I can explain it . We were rushed around into a room to sign temporary custody papers - we had to request that they at least wait for our guide to come explain what we were signing before they would leave . Kyleen had the presence of mind to get out our list of questions , and they said they would only answer three . She immediately pointed to the question , " is there anything else about Shayanne that we need to know ? " Quick , awkward glances were exchanged among the people in the room , and our guide talked with them back and forth in Chinese . She informed us that there was something else , but that she did not know exactly how to translate it . She said that she would work on it and let us know later in the day . We took Shayanne back to the hotel , and began the process of trying to figure out what her exact issues were . Her hearing loss did not explain the child left in our care . For the sake of Shayanne 's privacy , I will not go into what our experiences were , but let 's just suffice it to say that she was in extremely poor physical condition . When Rui returned to our room with the translation of what the nannies had told her , it all began to make sense . This child had severe neurological issues that had never been explained to us . My heart was torn in two ! I did not know what we were going to do ! I had never dreamed that our journey would lead us to this . I did know that there were no resources available to help a child in Shayanne 's condition anywhere near our home that is " on the prairie . " Dan was back in the USA , but I had to contact him with the details . He wanted us to send pictures and information to our local doctor while we had her examined in China to try to determine what decisions we should make . All of the advice pointed in the same direction : that this child was not in strong enough condition to be adopted or to travel back to the United States . All parties involved were in agreement , although we were told to expect to travel home with no child if we did not continue Shayanne 's adoption . This was such a difficult moment . It seemed hard to understand why God would have brought us to this point only to go home with no child . But , God … BUT GOD ! He spoke in my heart to trust Him . Even if we were to go home with no child , I was to trust Him , and show nothing but praise for His goodness , sovereignty , and power . Kyleen agreed that even if it never made any sense , we were in China at that time in that situation as part of God 's perfect plan . So , dear , dear Rui guided us step - by - step of interrupting the adoption process . She was a tower of strength as she spent hours communicating with our adoption agency 's office in Beijing . She truly took up our situation as her own . She explained our complex situation to the Chinese officials , and helped them to understand that this child was simply not adoptable at this time . She pled for their mercy , while we pled with God for guidance , and that mercy was granted . We were told not to get our hopes up , but that we should begin thinking about what special needs we would be open to if another child could be found for us . We had a only a few days to work with because a week - long holiday was quickly approaching in China during which no offices would be open for business . So , a light began to emerge out of the darkness , but we still had the difficult task of letting go of Shayanne . The people from her orphanage came to pick her up , but only after I had time to say good - bye . I 'm telling you , it was like a death . It was a death in many ways - death of the child that had never been . The Shayanne that we had held in our hearts during those months of waiting and preparation simply did not exist , and that was heart - wrenching to say the least . We dressed her up in the one pretty outfit that we had that fit her - the one 12 - month outfit that I had packed , fixed up her hair , and gave her back with many , many tears . It 's difficult to explain that there was peace amidst the tears . We knew that God had led to this decision and that this was part of His perfect plan whether we would ever understand it or not . After Shayanne left , we had to turn our attention to the paperwork involved with requesting a new referral . Rui told us to write a description of what had happen with Shayanne and to respectfully ask for another child . She said to include the age range , sex , and special needs we would accept . I wrote that we would prefer a child of either gender , any age ( preferably younger than our youngest son , but not required ) , with any special need related to orthopedic issues , hearing loss , blindness , etc . Kyleen and I really felt that this was a holy time - a time that God was truly at work to bring us the child He had planned . It was exciting to see . We were originally told to expect a wait of several days while the officials searched for a child . We were surprised when our guide came to our room a few hours later with not one , but two children that had been identified as possible candidates . There were no pictures , or even names . All we had was gender , age , and general description of the special needs . Both were girls . One was approximately 12 months old , and the other was almost three . The younger girl was described as having one leg fatter than the other , and the older was described as being " pigeon - toed " with a possibility of some problem with her fingers on one hand . Exciting telephone calls back to the United States were made to confer with Dan , and he , Kyleen , and I all felt led by God that the older of the two girls was the one . We had nothing concrete to base that decision on , but God had led us all to that child , so we proceeded with faith . So , we informed our guide of our decision , and she called the adoption officials with our decision to adopt Huang Min Cui from Huangshan . She wondered if we wanted to wait until we could get more information about the girl , but we said no . I told Rui that I knew God 's hand was at work , and that I knew I could trust Him . Our time frame was very tight because of the impending Chinese holiday and our already scheduled Consulate appointment in Guangzhou . Rui said she 'd need an English name to begin the paperwork , and after more phone calls and discussions , Kara Joy was chosen . " Kara " means pure , so her name means " pure joy . " We knew that God was turning our sorrow into unbelievable joy . So , our course had taken a serious turn from our original plan . God kept impressing upon me that this was not a surprise to Him , and that I needed to show complete confidence in His loving care . Rui was concerned that we might not have appropriate clothing for this child who was older than we had been planning for . She recommended that we should shop for bigger clothes , but I told her how God had given me peace about the clothing as I packed , and that I felt certain that He knew all about what Kara 's needs would be . Rui thought I was crazy , but I told her that I fully expected the clothes that we had to fit this child . Rui also wanted to prepare us that this child would very likely be extremely frightened . She had come from an orphanage that did not participate in international adoption , so she had not been prepared . Again , God gave me the words to say to Rui . I told her that I had complete confidence that God had prepared this child and that she would know that I was her momma . A few days passed while Kara 's paperwork was hurriedly processed , and finally we were ready to meet the child that God had hand - picked for us - the child that had been in His mind all along . I could not wait ! Her orphanage was very far from Hefei although it was still in Anhui province . So , Kara was accompanied by two nannies on her first airplane ride to Hefei . She arrived in the middle of the night , and was soundly asleep when they got to our hotel . She was absolutely stunning sleeping on the nanny 's lap . My heart overflowed with love knowing that this was my child . I knew right away that she was not " pigeon - toed . " Her foot was clearly clubbed . In fact , she had just had a cast removed that morning from her most recent surgery , and her foot was still swollen ( and still crooked ) . I saw her hands . Several fingers missing , the rest all deformed . But none of that mattered . Huang Min Cui was my girl , and I knew all would be well . The nannies could not get little Cui Cui to wake up that evening , but they had a story they really wanted to share with us . They told us through our interpreter Rui that she had been a favorite in their facility and that they had all been really stirred to learn that she was going home to a family . They said it was with mixed emotions that they would give her to us . They said that everyone was crying when Cui Cui was ready to leave , but that that sweet little child had reached up with her stubby thumb to wipe away the tears and had said , " Don 't cry . I am just going to find my Momma . " That came from a girl who " had not been prepared for adoption . " Rui looked at me with astonishment . Yes , this girl knew she was going to her Momma just like I had said . Truly , God was at work . The next day we completed all of the final adoption papers , and Huang Min Cui officially became Kara Joy Mincui O ' Brien . She was naturally a little shy at first , but it did not take long for that " shy , introverted " child to transform into a happy , loving , beautiful Kara Joy . The clothes ? Guess what - every item I packed fit Kara Joy perfectly except for the shoes . But she didn 't need the shoes because she had just had surgery and was instructed not to walk on her foot anyway . Yes , God had provided for her needs before I ever knew that she existed . We spent the rest of our time in China getting acquainted with the special girl that God had given us . We spent a lot of time taking her on walks in the stroller so she could be out in God 's beautiful sunshine . We shopped , we played , and worked on being able to understand each other ( which was no easy task since she spoke fluent Chinese ! ! ) We kept all of our original appointments in Guangzhou before flying home on the same flight that had been originally planned . To make a long story short , Kara fit into our family right away . The other kids all loved her , and she loved them . There were challenges , of course , adjusting to life with a family after knowing only life in an orphanage , and it took time for Kara to learn how to accept unconditional love . There were many challenges ahead , but we knew God was faithful , and that He placed Kara in our home and would guide us all through each step of the way . We had a crash course in clubbed foot treatment because Kara 's surgical incision became infected shortly after we arrived home , but even that proved to be our Lord 's guiding hand . He used that to lead us to the orthopedic surgeon who would ultimately be used to bring God 's healing touch to Kara 's foot . He truly healed Huang Min Cui through and through . He took that shy , broken child and transformed her into the confident , happy girl that she is today . Her heart as well as her body are whole . What a picture of what God did for me ! He took a broken , miserably lost soul and paid the eternal price to adopt me when I was completely unaware of His presence . He took me in , cleaned me up , washed my heart and is in the on - going process of transforming my life . My story , as well as Kara 's , are all for His glory . He is the one to be praised for His mighty goodness and power . I will put three slideshows onto this entry . The first will be pictures from the day that Huang Min Cui became Kara Joy . The second will be more pictures from my trip to China for those who may be interested . The last slideshow shows the dramatic healing that God gave to Kara 's foot . My He be praised ! Leave a Comment » In 2003 , God began to stir my heart . I did not hear any " voices from Heaven " or anything , but God 's still , small voice began speaking to my innermost soul . Even though I had been richly blessed with four wonderful children and had been advised medically not to have any more babies , I was unsettled . In a way I can 't explain , God impressed on me that I had one more child , specifically a girl . I did not understand how this could be since I was not to have any more children until He began to move me towards international adoption . I kept this hidden in my heart for many months trying to figure it all out . After all , my life was so full already : was it my own selfishness that had planted this seed ? I did not feel ready to express what was going on even to Dan because I thought it all sounded so strange and unreasonable . One day , I had a divine - appointment in the Wal - Mart parking lot that confirmed God 's message to me and encouraged me to proceed in faith . I met up with a lady who had herself adopted from China , and I just kind of blurted out what had been stirring inside of me . She had wise advise . She said that when God has a job to do , He provides the way . If this idea of adoption was truly from Him , He would open every door . If not , He would close them . She encouraged me to take the first step of trusting Dan with my thoughts . It still took me several weeks to gain the boldness to approach Dan about this topic . I knew it would be quite a shock for him and had no idea what he would say . Finally the spark burned so hotly within me that I could no longer contain it , and I poured out my soul to my husband . Yes , it was a surprise to him . He did not say no , but he wanted time to pray about it to see if God 's hand was truly in this process . Well , God opened that first door . It was not very long after that that Dan also believed that we should at least explore adoption - maybe international , maybe not . We were completely new to all of this . No one in our families or close circle of friends had ever taken this path , so we started with what we knew : internet searches . We gathered all kinds of information about different countries and processes . And then I saw them - the lists and LISTS of kids from all over the world waiting for a family to love them . Oh , how my heart ached ! I loved them ALL and wanted to bring them ALL home ! 🙂 How in the world were we ever to find the right one when the needs were so great ? Well , we just kept knocking on doors . Many doors closed because of our family - size . That narrowed our options tremendously . Our hearts were originally drawn to Haiti , but no doors there opened . Eventually we were led to China . We had to trust that it was God 's hand leading us there because that seemed to be the door that was open . We applied to the program , and began the long process of completing all of the necessary paper work to be put on a waiting list for a " healthy , young " girl . One of the heaviest doors that had to be opened by God related to my history of depression and the resulting protective - custody arrest . ( These incidents were related in earlier segments of My Story ) . The social worker that handled our case was somewhat concerned that my police record might result in our paperwork being denied . It was easy to try to cover it all up since it had happened many years prior to this , but God convicted me that I needed to trust Him with every detail of this adoption . It all had to be open and honest - it was His job to open every door , not mine . So we proceeded that way . Part of the paperwork required a police history background check . It had to be faced head on , but GOD WAS FAITHFUL ! When our local police ran my report , it came back CLEAR . I even told them about the protective custody arrest , so they did further checks . They all came back CLEAR . No record at all of any arrests . God had literally wiped my slate ( and my heart ) clean ! Praise His Name ! So , the law enforcement agency provided the letter stating that all was clear in my case , and the adoption door remained wide open . We finished our paperwork and submitted it to the Chinese adoption officials on December 5 , 2005 . God continued to lead us as we waited for our paperwork to be approved . He began to impress on me that we needed to revise our request for a " healthy , young " girl . In fact , he began to reveal to us both that the child He had for us was going to have special physical needs . So , we did the required paperwork to switch over to the special needs program , and began to head in that direction . Again , we found ourselves pouring over photolistings of beautiful kids needing homes . What a heartwrenching experience ! We began to research what needs we were open to , and began the painful process of applying for a specific child . At that time , the competition for a young girl from our agency 's special needs lists was intense . We applied for several different girls , and were turned down every time . It was terrible ! God kept closing every door , and it made no sense . Then we saw her : a lovely 2 - year - old Chinese girl born with deformed ears who had resulting hearing loss . She seemed perfect to us because I had worked with hearing impaired kids after graduating from college and felt very comfortable with that special need . The only problem was that she was not listed with our agency . We inquired about her , but were told that we would have to withdraw our paperwork and resubmit it with the child 's listing agency in order to adopt her . This would mean a great deal of lost money and time . But , God . How many times do I say that ? ? ? BUT , GOD ! ! ! The representative from the child 's agency contacted the Chinese officials about our case , and they decided to grant an exception for us . It would be an almost unheard of dual agency adoption . The child 's agency would handle the special needs paperwork , all other paperwork and travel would remain with our original agency . Our original agency could hardly believe it - it was completely unprecedented in their experience ! In fact , this was only allowed for a few cases in a very brief time period before it was not done anymore , and our adoption was one of the few that squeezed into that short time frame . So , we really saw God 's hand opening every door , and we just waited for His timing to complete the process . We spent that summer readying our home for our new addition - especially learning about this child 's special needs and the treatments that were available . We decided to name her Shayanne . The waiting for travel was terrible ! I so wanted to go grab that child and bring her home , but we had to wait for all of the appropriate arrangements to be made . On August 29 , 2006 , our travel approval arrived and we immediately began getting all of the details arranged to leave for China on September 14 , 2006 . Those were hectic days ! I specifically worried about packing . There was a very restrictive limit on baggage weight , and trying to pack everything for myself as well as Shayanne seemed almost impossible . I had no idea how big the child was or what size of clothes to take , and it frustrated me for several days . But God calmed my soul by reminding me that I did not need to worry about what to eat , drink , or wear . His Word says that He knows that we need these things and that He will provide them . We are to set about seeking Him , not worrying . ( Matthew 6 : 31 - 34 ) He impressed on me that I should just pack what looks good and makes sense and trust Him with it . So that 's what I did . I put in one 12 - month outfit , but put in mostly 18 - month cute clothes that I had picked up during our waiting period . I thought they might be too small for a two - year - old , but rested knowing I had followed where God had led . I kept a blog during those days , and those entries can be found in the beginning sections of the Prairie Family Chronicles . The day before I left for China , I wrote out a prayer praising our great God for all He had done to bring us to that point . Here is a portion of that prayer : God , as we are now ready to go to China , I have many fears , but I know You are with me and that this trip is all part of Your plan . Please use this trip to help me to grow . Teach me the lessons that You have for me . Help me to see You in each step - for I know that You have gone before me . Truly this all was His plan - he had been so clearly at work at each door . Little did I know that His thoughts were way beyond my own , and that His way was going to be difficult . Indeed the events of the next few days were for my growth and His glory . My life was never the same . On an unknown date in 2003 somewhere in or near Huangshan , Anhui Province , China , a baby girl was born . Huangshan is a beautiful city known for Yellow Mountain and tourism . To control it 's exploding population , China many years before 2003 had instituted its One Child Policy , which allowed families to raise only one child in most cases . A preference for strong , healthy boys to pass on the family name quickly developed , and sometimes families who did not have a strong , healthy boy faced tough decisions . Such was the case for this family in Huangshan . This baby girl was beautiful , but not " perfect . " Her hands were strangely shaped with fingers that were all fused together , as were many toes on her feet . Most troubling of all , however , was a foot that curled in . Despite the fact that this child had defects , the mother was smitten by the girl 's lovely almond eyes and hoped for a miracle to happen in the baby 's life . She knew that she had no resources to help the little girl - she had only enough money to survive herself , she had no way of paying for medical intervention for her sweet baby . Despite the pressure she faced to abandon the child immediately , the woman chose to keep and love her little girl for several months . Her love for that child , however , eventually led her to consider options she never thought she would think about . She knew that she herself could not provide for this baby 's needs , but she knew that the Social Welfare Institute in Huangshan took in babies with all kinds of problems and provided them with whatever medical care was needed . It was a heartbreaking decision for her , but she decided that this facility gave her daughter the best chances for care and help . So , on December 8 , 2003 , the mother bundled up her baby and placed her in a location where she knew the child would be found and taken in . The child eventually ended up at the Welfare Institute where they gave her the name Huang Min Cui . Huang , the family name , was given to all children in that orphanage . Min Cui means " green jade " and they thought it described this lovely gem of a girl . They followed the usual protocol of posting an ad in the local newspaper in an attempt to locate her birth mother , but no response came . So little Min Cui began her life in her new home . The nannies gave Min Cui as normal of a life as possible . They fed her , held her , and loved her . They sought out advice to try to repair the physical deformities that she faced . In the first three years at the Institute , she had several surgeries . She had surgeries to separate out the fused fingers using skin grafts taken from Min Cui 's arm . The foot was operated on several times , attempting to straighten the crooked foot that made the little girl so wobbly when she walked . The wobbling caused her at one point to fall and cut her head open which required stitches to heal . The hands healed properly . Her fingers were separated , but it left one hand missing some fingers and the other hand with short , deformed fingers , but both hands were very functional , and Min Cui adapted in her ability to do any task without any difficulty . Her foot , however , was not easily corrected . Several attempts were surgically made , but it seemed that the foot only tightened into a more distinct curve with each surgery . The nannies described Min Cui as being shy and introverted , but very lovable and spoiled . She had one friend that she consistently played with : an older boy named Anthony that had similar hand deformities as her own . Her life transitioned back and forth between the orphanage and the hospital many times during those three years , which left her confused and frightened of medical personnel . She was very bright and learned things at an earlier age than many of the other children at her " home . " Such was the life of this lovely girl , Huang Min Cui . As far as she or anyone else knew , her life would continue on in the expected course for a disabled orphan : she 'd grow up and be turned out to try to survive on her own , which would be very difficult for such a person . She may be able to have a job someday , but more likely , she 'd earn her living by begging people to help a " poor , crippled " girl . The prospects of adoption were bleak at best because of her physical challenges and because of the fact that this Institute did not participate in the international adoption process in China . The Father of Orphans , however , saw Huang Min Cui . It was He who had led her to this place to receive such love and care . He was guiding her each step of the way because He had a plan for her that no one would understand or even believe . I am adding two slideshows to this entry . The first shows beautiful scenery from Huangshan . The second includes pictures of Huang Min Cui as she lived in the Huangshan Social Welfare Institute . 1 Comment » I was completely unaware of God 's behind - the - scenes work in the weeks just prior to my salvation . While I was busy chasing the darkness , God was directing the steps of a man who loved Him . He had just finished graduate school and had been hired as an area agricultural economist for the Northwest Research and Extension Office of Kansas State University . He moved to Colby and immediately began looking for a church to attend . He tried several different ones , but never felt settled until he found a little church right across the street from the local community college . He began attending faithfully , and there he heard the prayer requests for a lady in the church who was in protective custody in a nearby town . Yes , that was me . Because of my sporadic church attendance , he and I never met prior to my salvation . Within a very short time of my salvation and return to my home , I gave my testimony and was baptized in this little church . This was the first time that I met the new - comer to our church , and he came up to me after the service to let me know of his prayer support as I got back on my feet . We enjoyed talking together so much that we decided to get together later in the day to have more time to visit . We had several " get - togethers " after that , but Dan wisely wanted our relationship to remain on a friendship level for several months because he wanted me to have time to get settled in my newly - found faith . He wanted time to prove that God had indeed changed my heart and did not want a relationship to complicate any growth in my life . Eventually , though , God made it clear to us both that it was His plan for us to deepen our relationship . I was truly blessed on February 17 , 1996 , when Dan O ' Brien became my husband . This is a slideshow of some of our wedding pictures . It was such a beautiful day - absolutely perfect . The song that accompanies the pictures was sung in our service , and has always been special . Dan and I both wanted children , and were happy that God answered our prayers to bless us with them . Each of our kids is a miracle . All of them had struggles as infants , and it is only by His grace that we enjoy them today . Our firstborn , John Michael , was born in May 1997 . He was born about 6 weeks early , but because he had a good birth - weight of just over 5 pounds , the doctors were not overly concerned about him and sent him home like they would have if he had been born full - term . Being new parents , we noticed John 's sluggishness and sleepiness , but we assumed that his behavior was normal for a newborn . We struggled for weeks to keep him awake enough to finish a bottle , but it wasn 't until his four - month healthy baby check that we were alerted to a problem : His head circumference was way off of the chart for normal growth . We were immediately referred to a pediatric neurosurgeon in Denver who performed a multitude of tests that confirmed his suspicion of hydrocephaly , which is an accumulation of fluid in the brain . His apparently was the result of an undetected brain - bleed which is not uncommon in premature babies . This also explained John 's sluggishness . Usually , hydrocephaly is treated by surgically implanting a shunt to drain the fluid in the brain ; otherwise , the increased fluid would cause pressure that could lead to severe developmental delays . This surgeon was in the process of completing research on a certain type of hydrocephaly and believed that John had this type - so we were led in the right direction . He advised us that in the past , John would have immediately been shunted , and that we would have to deal with that shunt for the rest of his life , but because of his research , he had discovered that certain types of hydrocephaly would not cause brain damage and would self - correct over time . He believed that John had this type , so he advised us to monitor John 's brain and development over the next few months to see what would happen . God was gracious , and the hydrocephaly did dissolve , and John 's development went on normally . I guess he was a late - walker , but that was because he had a large , awkward head to balance ! 😉 Brock 's birth was extremely complicated . I was within minutes of delivering him naturally when the monitors went blank - no sign of any heartbeat in the baby at all . Needless to say , things happened very quickly ! They immediately began prepping me for an emergency c - section . From the time they lost the heart beat to the time they had the baby out , 10 minutes elapsed . That included the time to get the surgical team in place , get me anesthetized , and perform the c - section . It was done in such a hurry that I lost a lot of blood , and ended up having 2 blood transfusions before I began to recover . Brock , however , was in very serious condition at delivery . He had no heartbeat , no respiration , no response of any kind . He was not able to be resuscitated for several minutes , but eventually he did have some signs of life that encouraged the team to continue working with him . Eventually he did have a heartbeat and was breathing , but he was very unstable that whole first day after delivery . His status was really confusing to me coming out of anesthesia , but he was very much touch - and - go . They did not assure me that he would be all right , and that even if he did show improvement , they did not know if he had suffered damage from being without oxygen after birth . He did , however , improve , and he and I were both able to be released after 3 - 4 days in the hospital . As time passed , we saw a normal baby - it appeared that Brock had suffered no long - term consequences from his traumatic birth . Indeed , he has developed into a wonderful , smart boy who has been an incredible blessing in our home . Cosette was probably my healthiest baby , but even she had issues . She was pretty close to being full - term , but she did not breathe on her own for several minutes after birth . She was just sluggish getting going , I guess , and there was concern during her first night of life that she had a resulting heart murmur . As the night passed , though , the murmur closed , and she went home a day or so later . So , again we were blessed with a complete healing , and a happy baby . My last birth - child , Luke , was probably the biggest challenge to my faith up to this point . He was born at 27 weeks of gestational development and weighed right at 3 pounds . His weight dropped to 2 1 / 2 pounds before he began to grow . He spent 8 weeks in neonatal intensive care , during which I had to share my time between my three other kids at home and my precious son in the hospital . He had the normal ups - and - downs of a baby born that prematurely , including two separate brain bleeds ( similar to what had caused John 's hydrocephaly ) . Again , God was gracious , and these self - resolved with no long - term effects . He grew and developed . His biggest challenge was breathing on his own . In fact , he required supplemental oxygen for most of his time in the hospital . Eventually he was strong enough to come home and again only time would tell how his prematurity would effect his long - term development . God again was faithful : Luke developed normally . So , those early years of our marriage were filled with happy and challenging times . Through it all , however , God was so good to us . He granted us the peace and strength for each moment and guided every step . Our lives were very full of His blessing . I had been told after Luke 's birth that I should have no more children because of the risk to myself as well as the baby , so we settled in for the child - rearing years . But God had other plans … . . He began to stir in my heart that I had one more child , specifically a girl . I couldn 't understand how this could be until He began to reveal to me that my girl was not going to come from my womb . In fact , she was not going to come from our country . That began our next journey of faith . Leave a Comment » After I graduated from college , my life continued to go in a downward spiral . I went from job - to - job , but the darkness that was in my heart could no longer be hidden , and it affected my work . I even taught in a Christian school for a short time , but ended up being released from that job because of my sinful , darkened life . I moved back to my hometown , found a place to live , and secured two full - time jobs , and that pretty much became my whole existence . My days were spent working at the local school as a professional accompanist and my nights / weekends were spent working in the cash office of our local Wal - Mart . I had little time for recreation or personal activities , but I preferred it that way . When I was alone , I was overcome with darkness and self - destructive thoughts . I would go days without eating , and really did not care if I lived or died . On the rare occasion that I did not work on Sunday , I would attend church at the church that I grew up in . I opened up to a couple of people about my spiritual questions , but I was always brushed aside . " You raised your hand for salvation when you were very young . Don 't worry about it . " That was the response I would get . My life had become so out - of - control that I not only wondered about my salvation , but I found my self even questioning the very existence of God . I decided to attend a church where no one knew me , so I could try to gain some spiritual stability in my life . Of course , I could rarely go on Sunday mornings , so I joined a Bible study that was led by the man who is now my sons ' Scoutmaster . We completed studies on experiencing a relationship with God and having a mind like Christ 's , and as I completed my homework assignments , I knew that my answers were fake . Nothing was heart - felt , but I shared nothing with the Bible study group . I was still hit - and - miss on my attendance at this Bible study because of my crazy work schedule , but one week I actually arrived early and was the first one there . On the table I saw a paper that had evidently fallen out of the leader 's Bible . I picked it up and saw that it was his prayer list . On that list was my name with several question marks after it . That immediately jumped out at me , and for the first time in many years , I felt God tugging at my heart to turn to Him in faith and belief . Unfortunately , I quenched the Holy Spirit again , and continued in my darkness . My life had no meaning , and I was determined to destroy it . God had other plans , though . God used a dear friend along with two of my co - workers to get me where He wanted me to be . They prodded me to see a doctor for help . Believe it or not , I was so tired of my dark life that I actually went . The doctor saw my condition and called the police to take me into protective custody . While we waited for the police to come , he got out his Bible and ministered to me from Psalm 139 . He explained to me that God loved me more than I could imagine and that He could change my life if I would let Him . Riding in that police car , I felt cornered . I knew I needed Christ , but I wasn 't even sure that He was real anymore . That evening , my pastor drove two hours to the facility where I was taken to help me . He and his wife had bought me some clothes to get me through several days , but more importantly , he wanted to see where I was spiritually . At this point , I had nothing to lose or to hide , so I was very blunt about my questions . I told him that I was unsure of my eternal status or even if God was real - or if He was real , what difference that made . He encouraged me to use my time in the facility to search for the answers to my questions . He told me to pray that God would open my mind to what I needed to know and that I should read the Book of First John . He explained that that short book of the Bible is a test , of sorts , that can be used to give yourself an evaluation of your salvation . It took me several days to accept his advice , but finally I did . I prayed that if God was real , He would show me through His Word what I needed to know and began reading First John . Many verses jumped right out at me : I could go on and on , but let it suffice to say that God got my attention that day . The Holy Spirit revealed my true dark , lost condition and convinced me of my need of a Savior . So all alone , I cried out to God for mercy . I told Him that I knew I needed Him and Him alone to forgive my sin and heal my heart . I acknowledged my sinfulness and need for His atoning sacrifice , and I was saved - praise God , I was SAVED ! My life was changed from that very moment . The darkness had been taken over by the Light of the World , and my self - destruction had been given LIFE . Oh , there were many consequences of my wicked behavior that took many months to unwind , but I knew I had been forgiven , and that Jesus had won the victory in my life . My darkness was replaced by unspeakable joy , and that joy has never ended . I truly have a well - spring of Living Water in my heart that continually refreshes and renews me . I could identify with the once - blind man whom Jesus had healed that said that all he knew was that " once he was blind , but now he could see . " He did not know who had healed him , though . I did : the KING of KINGS and the LORD of LORDS . After a few weeks of healing , I went home a changed person . I publically and boldly praised my newly - found Savior , and was baptized . This time I wasn 't looking for the baptism to change me for I had already been redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb . No , this time it was to proclaim to the world the saving grace of my dear Jesus . My story does not end here , though ! No , my Jesus had wonderful plans ready and waiting for me . That will be the topic of my next entry . 1 Comment » Recently my pastor asked me if I would share the story of my salvation for a church service in May . I am always happy to do this . As I have been thinking about what I will say , I realized that I have never shared this story on my own blog , so I guess it 's about time that I do ! This will give me a chance to tell you all about my wonderful Savior as well as give me the chance to organize my thoughts . I grew up knowing about God . My family attended a Bible - believing church almost every Sunday from the time that I was a baby all through my childhood . I have many happy memories of Sunday School , Awana , and many other Christian activities . I heard the Gospel regularly , and could repeat the story of Jesus Christ 's birth , life , death , and resurrection . I began playing the piano for morning services before I was in the 5th grade , and when I became a teenager , I even taught Sunday School , Vacation Bible School , etc . So , I guess to the outside world I would have appeared to have been a " good , Christian " girl . I remember many times that I wondered about God and my eternal destiny . In fact , I often laid awake on my bed at night worrying about what would happen to me if I would die . I really did know the Gospel - I can 't explain why I never believed except that as I was spiritually blind . By the time I was a young teenager , my life began to change . I was a good student and obedient in public , but inwardly I began to have a lot of rebellion and darkness in my heart . This came out at home , and I found myself getting into a lot of trouble with my family . I led quite the double life : good to the outside world , and dark on my inside world . I sank into a depressed , self - destructive lifestyle that I cannot even understand or explain . All I can say is that I caused so many people heartache and frustration . I look back on those years with such sadness and regret . God was good even in those times , though . He placed people around me that tried to lead me to His salvation . I had a counselor who spent innumerable hours working with me for no personal gain . Even though she worked for the public school , she often talked to me about my relationship with God . At this time I considered myself a " Christian , " though , and did not take too seriously the things that she said . After all , I taught Sunday School , didn 't I ? ! My rebellion continued throughout high school . During that time , an evangelist came to our church that really had a heart for me . He shared the Gospel with me even though I had heard it hundreds of times . He explained to me that I could receive forgiveness for my sins if I would just believe in Jesus ' payment for sin and trust Him for my salvation . I was so confused in those days that I told him that I did not even understand what " faith " meant . I went on to describe my fears and insecurities about my relationship with God . He pointed out to me 1 John 5 : 13 which says " These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God ; that ye may KNOW that ye have eternal life , and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God . " I did not need to fear the future , because if I believed in Jesus , I could rest KNOWING that I have eternal life . Unfortunately , my heart was so confused and darkened by this time , that nothing he said made any sense to me , nor did it cause any difference in my life . I graduated from high school still leading a double life : " Christian " on the outside , and rebellious on the inside . Although my darkness was known by a few outside of my family , most people just saw me as an introverted , studious person who didn 't relate well with people . I went to a well - known Christian college . It was there that I really began to question my salvation . I saw a love for God in those around me that I simply did not have . They had joy ; I did not . Again , I was exposed to the True Gospel almost on a daily basis , but it meant nothing to me . I concluded that my problem was that I had never been baptized , so when I was back at home on vacation , I gave a " testimony of salvation " and was baptized by my local pastor . Guess what ? My life did not change . That baptism did nothing . Some of my darkest , most self - destructive days were the ones I spent at that Christian college . I graduated with a 4 . 0 gpa - the absolute top of my class - but my soul was lost . That pretty much summarizes what my early days were like . I will continue my story in a future post that I will entitle " My Story , Part 2 : The Change Comes . " It is truly miraculous . My Savior is so good , and I can 't wait to tell you about His merciful grace in my life ! |
| There was once a time when I was more eloquent on my blog . Perhaps it was when I felt like more was happening . The weather would fit with my emotions , and my life felt as though it had a little more meaning . That 's not to say that life feels meaningless , but in my " eloquent days " , the little things seemed more significant . Most events seemed to have some heightened meaning to them . A drive home , was not just a drive home , and so demanded language to do justice to what I felt was occurring . At the moment I feel like I 'm just waiting to look back and see how this all fits in the big scheme of things . Yesterday at college we were asked to say how we were feeling in meteorological terms . I said I was feeling like a grey , cloudy day , every now and again it 'd be a little drizzly . I was looking forward to sun at the end of the day , which was the forecast , but it could start raining at anytime . It could go either way really . Other people said they were feeling dry and needed refreshing rain . It was interesting for me I was hoping for the sun , for others they were hoping for the rain . I 'm writing a sermon at the moment and God is big , that 's what the Bible tells me . | My life here in Chatswood is coming to an end . The party is over . The revelers have gone home . Then again , there were only seven of us revelers , so I would call it more of a gathering , than a party , but it was pleasent enough anyway . We played the dictionary game . Today I finished my last class in Field Education at college . The subject is finished and I 've passed . Wahoo ! I 'm only four subjects away from my Advanced Diploma . Bah ! We had small groups tonight and there were only 13 boys this week . Gosh it 's difficult chasing 13 boys around a back yard trying to get them to write testimonies . Yikes ! I 'm looking forward to the day we get to halve the small groups again . | We went an saw Sons of Korah play tonight . They were good . The guitar player was tops . I 've fogotten his name but he did good . On the way home our front left tire was squealing so we pulled over to have a look . Martin and I did a lot of crouching and and looking . I got my hands dirty . I felt like a man . After doing nothing , we drove off and the wheel was fixed . Good on us . | I have too much to do . Really . I would list everything but I think that is silly . My strict adherence to my day off means that I 'm packing everything in . Actually , it 's my strict adherence to my day off and leasure activities , like Pub and so on . But I believe that it is better to have a good time and be a little stressed , than have a boring time , and have less stress . Funny , I stuck a religious picture which made me laugh on my blog , and now I 'm the fame of the internet . Ok , so maybe not famous . But here I 'm a religious fanatic . And here he can 't figure me out . | Phil , Guin and Helen just came around to my place . It was good . We talked for a long time . I have been reminded again , that my family is fantastic . I have got to be one of the most blessed people around . I did nothing to deserve it but I got born into a wonderful family . We went and hung at the retirement village today too . I love the people there , they appreciate us so much . And they want to spend time with us . They have time for us because we have time for them . They 're tops . " ' All good things come to those who wait . ' While he had always said that was a lie , he figured he had nothing better to do than to hang around and prove himself right . " - C . K . Knight | I had breakfast with Jo this morning at a cafe on the side of the road in Chatswood . There was too much rockmelon in my fruit salad and I saw a guy who was in my year at school who is a lot cooler than I am . Jo is good quality though , and the rest of the food was good . I 'm at home in Hornsby at the moment . I 'm going to do some video editing . I think Robert is feeling a little disconnected from my computer now that I 'm home because he 's lying on the floor next to me looking depressed . I 'm sure he 'll perk up when I leave again . I have lots of stuff that due in at college this week . Although , these days I can 't manage to go a week where I don 't have at least two assessments due in . I guess that 's what happens when you get most of a semester free of assessments . Although I was thinking , my Field Education , and Spirituality on Screen classes both have had assessments due in every class . While that 's not too bad because class is once a month , I have never had another subject with that many assessments . Not that I 'm complaining , they haven 't been all that hard , I haven 't had to do much research and I have been able to talk about my feelings a lot . Whether or not that is a good thing I don 't know . But at least I don 't have to borrow a book from the library to know how I 'm feeling . | Jo ( sister ) came around to my house tonight . She 's staying the night . We 've talked a lot . A little about going to Europe next year . We might catch the train a bit while we 're there . I had small group too . 14 people is a lot of people to have in a small group . I hope they had fun , because I feel like I spent most of my time telling them to be quiet . I went to college today . That was usual . I like driving a lot more when I can listen to cds . I like driving even more when I have a passenger . I like driving most when I have a passenger and cds . I 'm having my day off and so far it 's been lovely . Except that I just spent the last 85 minutes watching Brother Bear . Not impressed . Last night when I blogged from the pub I wasn 't really in a that bad a mood . I was tired though . So that made me a little crabby . But I think only crabby when I was alone . I was waiting for people to arrive , so I thought I 'd blog from my phone . Then when I realised no one would be coming for a while I went to my car and got my book , bought myself a beer and some wedges and read . It was wonderful . I could have done that all night . But then people turned up and I was happy enough with that too . | What I don 't like is when you find that you 're not in a good mood and the first time you see someone you decide you don 't like them . I just saw a guy here in the pub move a table from the bistro to the bar and I got annoyed at him . I thought " You can 't do that " and immediately disliked the man . Just now when he came back into the room I saw him and thought " It 's you . " And sent him a mental greasy . How stupid is that ? Posted by | I 'm taking this opportunity to blog because I don 't know when the internet will come back to my bachelor pad . I 'm worried that it may never come back . What if it 's been cut off because the bill hasn 't been paid or something ? That would be terrible . I 'd fix it but I can 't . Having no internet is horrid . I wander around like I 've just broken up with my girlfriend . Actually I 'm not sure if that is how I would wander round , but I mope . And I watch tv . It sucks . Sometimes living alone is great fun . Sometimes it 's a bit lonely . It 's fun when you have things to do . It 's lonely when you don 't and you feel like going out . Or feel like having a visitor . Or seeing people . But there isn 't anyone around . I think that 's what being lonely is I guess . Anyway , it 's not a big deal . The cinema is just down the hallway so that will always be able to solve a problem or two . Plus I 'm only in Chatswood for two more weeks . So I 'll be fine . And I 'm having a lot more fun than I 'm not . I really like doing the washing up , and washing my clothes . I 'm having fun . I enjoy cooking when there are people to cook for . I enjoy seeing little bits of mess and thinking " I 'll clean that soon " And I enjoy it when I do clean up the mess . Doing assessments there is boring , but good . There is nothing much to distract me so it works well . I liked the film . It was shot on high definition digital video . That gave the film an interesting look . Michael Mann played with a lot of interesting shots . He used his city very well I thought . It was interesting how lonely he made the city feel . Everyone was in their shell and lying to themselves . That , and they were reacting to a contract killer who was driving around the city killing people . I don 't think it was as good as Heat , it was a little sillier . But I 'm glad I watched it . It was better than most stuff that 's on at the movies . | Yesterday I stayed in the apartment writing my sermon all day , except at around 6 : 00pm when I went out to find some dinner . I ended up having a meatball sub from Subway . I was hoping for some funky Asian cuisine , but it was not to be . I got really nervous before my sermon tonight before I preached . Somedays I 'm not worried some days I 'm packing it . Tonight was the most scared I 've been in a while . More than Canberra or College , that was funny . I 'm not completely sure why . A number of factors I guess . But once I got there I was fine . It wasn 't a bad sermon . I would really like to preach a teaching sermon ( not evangelistic ) on the passage I did tonight . So much good meaty theology in it . I 'm hanging to do a meaty sermon . Of course , I don 't think I 'm the meatiest preacher in the world , but it 's fun to go a little bit harder . People who aren 't Christians often don 't seem all that interested in our theology . After Church , Anmol and Helen and I went and ate Chinese in Dee Why . How fun . Anmol and Helen paid for me . Yay for them . They 're good people . But if I can be serious : I can 't find huge problems with this diagram theologically . But it seems a little bit simplistic and not all that relevant . I 'm not sure how effective it is talking about " The Burning Black Hole of Hell " The whole facial hair thing was kinda fun . Although , I often didn 't enjoy having so much fuzz . Too many conversations about my face . People should stop looking at me . But it was fun none the less . I did get teased a lot . But that 's no change from usual , just the subject matter . : ) | Ryan came over last night . We watched Dogville . It was one of the most depressing films I have seen in ages . Basically it 's about how horrid everyone is . It starts out nice but in the end there is no character of the film who doesn 't commit some terrible attrocity . It was also one of the most different films I 've seen . It 's worth watching just to see how they made it . It 's like watching theatre on film . But it works real well . It was a damn good film , horrible too . We aren 't nice people , we humans , and we 're all deserving of the wrath of God . The sad thing in the end was that not even grace could change the hearts of the people , it was just there to be abused . The only effective measure was judgement . I feel like a bad person . As we are both so busy these days flying all over the world promoting out latest blog posts its hard to find time to hang out together . I know tom would love to see me more often and I him . The life of a celebrity blogger is not as glamorous as we may portray . We are always so busy and the pressure on us to come through with so much fresh material can be quite trying at times . But it is because of our fan base that we stay committed and focused . Sometimes people say that talking about your day is boring . It could be . I find my days boring sometimes . Not today though . I listened to sermons on the train . That passed the time well . It was quite a different experience from listening to music . I even did the Bible readings before the sermon . I wore my new shorts today , which was quite like wearing my other shorts except with a few more pockets . I drank Coke , Sprite and Solo too . They are good drinks . I wonder if I talk about my feelings . Some people think I don 't . I tend to agree with them . Maybe at the moment . Maybe it 's about asking the right questions , maybe it 's about being the right person . That 's not to say that I 'm bottling things up . Actually I could be . I don 't think I 'm saying I 'm full of feelings that I really need to tell someone . I think if I need to tell someone , I do . If people want to know , I 'll tell . Unless it 's a bad idea to tell them . Then I don 't . In Anger Management the guy went to anger management classes even though he seemed like the most benign guy in the world . He didn 't seem the least bit angry . But he was really repressing all his emotions and needed to get them out so he could truly live . At first I thought , I don 't get angry much I wonder if I 'm repressing it . But I find it difficult to think of times when I have felt angry . But the guy didn 't realise it , so maybe I don 't . But then I thought , the film seems to be about giving your feelings free reign . If you feel something you should act on your feelings . If you 're angry at your boss , show him , if you love someone , kiss em . That kinda thing . But it 's very selfish . If all we do is what our emotions tell us to do were slaves to our feelings . People only ever do what seems good at the time , and the consequences come later . I don 't think repressing your feelings is a good idea . But then again , I don 't think acting on all your feelings works either . I think Doc was right when he said to Peekay , " First with the head , then with the heart . " I know it desentimentalises feelings , but it also puts them in their place . Feelings should fuel the passion of our decisions , not make them for us . Feelings then serve us , and not we them . Now everything is going to be at least a day late . And this is the same subject that I failed last semester , Children 's Ministry . I think these problems are not the result of disorganisation or laziness , they are a sign from God that Children 's ministry really isn 't me thing . In my childhood this was always a question that got much consideration . That and , what would happen if Jesus came back while I was in the shower ? I was always horrified at the idea of having to run outside in the nude in front of all the firemen . Anyway , this morning I have come a few big steps towards answering that question . While I was in the shower the fire alarm went off in this building . At first I thought it was my clock radio , but I remembered that I didn 't have that set . As I stood in the shower and listened to the alarm I tried to decide if I should take it seriously , and if so , what should I take with me ? I decided to take my mobile so I could message people and tell them of the excitement and my digital camera so I could take photos of the excitement . When the alarm changed tone and a pre - recorded man started saying " Please evacuate as directed " I decided I would get out of the shower . I think it was the personal touch that did it . That and I couldn 't properly tell what he was saying with the shower on and I was curious . I dried myself while the man continued to tell me to evacuate and I started to tell him to " Shut up , I 'll be ready soon . " I then went to my room to find some clothes because there 's no way I 'm going nude in front of a fireman . I wondered if anyone would worry if I wore the same clothes as yesterday , I decided it wouldn 't be a big issue . Then it was time to find socks . Part way through finding socks I got distracted by the thought that if the building actually is burning down then that could be pretty impressive . So I headed out on to the balcony barefoot , because let 's face it , looking for fire is much more exciting than looking for socks . All I saw on the balcony was other residents on their balconies looking rather bored . There were also some people in the driveway , with their boot open and a boot full of bags . Either they were taking the alarm seriously , and packing all their worldly possessions for a speedy getaway or they were paying no attention to the alarm what - so - ever and putting all their worldly possessions in harm 's way . The firemen turned up but they looked bored . The concierge walked out of the building looking bored . I looked at the flashing lights for a little while , because who doesn 't like flashing lights ? Then I went back to my shower and washed my hair . I shaved too . Now I have a very silly looking goatee . I saw myself in the mirror and laughed . I won 't keep it for long . But it 's good for entertainment 's sake . | Yesterday I had a Coke party . It was good fun . I had people over to the unit and most of us commiserated about the election result . One person gloated . I had my first drink of Coke in 145 days . It was good . And we made speeches and it was all fun . I really like letting people in at the buzzer . When it plays crappy music and you see people on the little screen . So fun . Today I was back at work . I did a Children 's talk as an assessment for college . I didn 't like it very much . But it was 60 % of my assessment so even if it 's crap it 's done . I have to finish the other 40 % between now and Tuesday . I had a long lunch with Helen and then and almost as long meeting . Lunch with Helen is a good occurrence . We eat , and talk , and have a laugh . Life would be much less good if we didn 't get along . At Macca 's tonight we tried not to laugh at various death stories . Now I 'm at my pad I 've had some spaghetti on toast . It was pretty dull . I went and saw The Life and Death of Peter Sellers last night with Mum , Dad and Jo . We had fun . We had dinner . I love my family . I laughed a lot and it still hurt . I haven 't seen Hannah since Monday I think . I miss Hannah , she 's the best . I joined the gym downstairs today . I got a free one week membership . Just watch out I 'll be so buff next Saturday no one will recognise me . I hung out with Rich too . We haven 't hung out together for well , years . Year 10 may have been the last time we did something together . But we had fun . He doesn 't seem to have changed much , but I wouldn 't be surprised if actually he 's changed a lot . He drives now . That 's new . James is now asleep in the next room . I cooked dinner and we watched a dvd . One day I 'm going to learn to cook things that don 't come out of a jar . Perhaps , um , slice . I 'll cook slice and sell it at church fete . Except my church doesn 't have fetes . I 'll have to rectify that situation . Maybe we could get a polling booth put in the church and run one of those election fetes . We could sell sausages , slice and punch to all the famished voters . Because voting is an exhausting past time . Especially if you number 1 to 78 under the line . | Whenever I get an email at this computer my Grandpa 's voice comes out of the speakers and says : " Hello . I think you 've got some mail . You better have a look at it . " It 's pretty funny , I like it . It makes me excited about getting mail . Perhaps my Grandpa was showing off to Valentina when he did that . | I had a fun day today . Liz came to visit me today . She was my first visitor to this bachelor pad . She arrived while I was eating my Coco Pops . We scanned together , and it was fun to have company in my morning . Rach and I went driving some more today . We went to the RTA to book a test . While Rach was talking to the RTA man about driving instructors in Taree an old man managed to fall over , flat on his back , as if he had walked into a wall , except there was no wall , right in front of the RTA . I rushed over to see if he was ok . He was . There were a few other people who also joined the huddle . The man was ok and we helped him stand up . I was pleased with myself that I rushed over to help . Usually in situations like that I assume someone else is more qualified than me , and I should stay out of it . I 'm glad I didn 't even if I wasn 't much help in the end . At church we had lunch with Helen , and met some of the " youth " . They were fun . For the first few hours of today , I did almost no work . We made up for that in the end by doing a mail out to the whole youth group . Pub tonight was good . I ate BBQ ribs and Lesley was there . That was exciting because it 's the first time we 've seen her at the pub and I think Lesley is tops . I 've copped a beating over the past few days for saying I 'd try it once . I wouldn 't smoke it , I just thought I 'd have a puff , just to say I 've tried it . Some people don 't like this idea . Hmm , everything is permissible . . . I arrived in Grandpa and Valentina 's flat tonight . It 's cool . I 'm unit sitting for the next month . I 've just been making myself at home . Figuring out where things are , how the swipe card works , the computer works , the tv works . All the important things of life . I 'm looking forward to seeing what life alone in a posh , Chatswood unit is like . I 'm sure I 'll pull the chicks in this pad . It 's been a while since a proper blog . I really shouldn 't blog now . I don 't think I have time , but I might do it anyway . I 've put on some music to make it all a bit more productive . So what were the days ? That was a fun day . I got to got to Canberra with nine dancers . Most of my life I seem to be surrounded by females but being the only guy on an overnight trip to Canberra is a new experience . It was good fun , there just weren 't nearly as many fart jokes and I would have liked , and every car talked about marriage I think . The drive was fun . We left at 1pm after I spent the morning running around trying to get the van well enough to drive to Canberra . In the end it was too sick so I took the little car which worked out alright , and I could listen to cds on the drive , bonus . When we arrived in Canberra it seemed that neither Sal nor Nic were very good at finding their way around Canberra , and so we managed to further destroy the reputations of NSW drivers and break most of the traffic laws available while trying to find our destination . In the end we made it . We arrived at a big girl 's school where the dance conference was on . We arrived at 5 : 30 and we were doing Aimee at 7 : 30 . I had a chat to Helen and found out she 's famous in Christian dance circles . That was funny . I know a famous person . She also told me what I should talk about . What she said meant that I needed to change my plans for the talk , but turned out better . I found a deserted class room and spent an hour writing my talk for after the show . During Aimee I sat next to the lighting man and told him what to do . When the show finished I had to go down to the stage , grab the mic then go the go tell the gospel to 150 dancers and their friends ( 150 is just a guess , I have no idea really ) . I was scared , but it went good . I tried to read the Bible but it 's hard when the print is small , you 're walking around , and there are lots of people listening to you . I got through it and did a talk I can 't really remember . I went without notes and just sort of went for it . Fun , but I don 't like not knowing what I said . People said it was good . We drive to Black Stump in the rain . We arrived in the rain . We registered in the rain . We set up camp in the rain . Then I booked and motel room , and the girls ran off to find their own motel . I headed off to Campbeltown to find my F1 . I got horribly lost , but with the help of a phone call to Howie , and two hours of getting to know Campbeltown , I found my home for the night . I had a shower , changed my clothes , watched Tim Bailey on the news and then headed back to Stump for my night of fun . The rest of Stump was good . The sun came out . I spent a lot of time hanging around with people who I don 't see very often . I didn 't watch many bands . Joel Hockey was very funny . Tony Campollo was exciting , but he never opened his eyes when he talked . I like his social justice slant . The Outback Hippies rocked as usual . We finished up at around 3am . Woohoo . The only time of the year I have a proper dance in public and it 's great . Aimee went well . People liked us , I didn 't even have to press play . I got the sound man to do that . I just watched from the audience . How fun is it to stress less ? Sunday morning I spent a few hours with myself , Bible - ing and praying . That was great . When you 're living 5 , 000 other people you appreciate time alone a lot more . It was good because I got to continue the continual dialogue between God and myself about how useful I am . God is good and I think I 'm useless . But sometimes , God lets me know I 'm not useless , and sometimes I believe him . I love Stump and I love the people who I got to see at Stump . | It 's really bad when laughing hurts too much . Things are so funny and so painful at the same time . Who thought it would be a good idea to sprain a muscle in my chest ? |
Well I almost quit today . And it 's not for anything you would think . I enjoyed the lovely morning climbing up MT Moosilauke . But on the descent I ran into two hikers that told me my dad was hiking up and had supplies for me . At first I was surprised . Then I got angry . I didn 't think I would see him again until Baxter . Here he was telling people he was bringing me supplies . I couldn 't help but think he was trying to sabotage me . Once I caught up to I let into . I called him an asshole . I told him he knew I couldn 't accept support and asked why he was trying to ruin this for me . He told me to calm down and drink a Mt Dew . I told him to eff off . And I took off down . I was so pissed started hammering up the other side . Quickly my feelings went from anger to worry . I was getting along so well with my dad ; it was like we were buddies . So I called him . No answer . I called again let a long sopping message . I was sorry . But he knows better . I wanted to talk to him . I texted similar . But I kept moving . Check check and re check my phone . Nothing . My chest hurt . My head hurt . I interrupted a nice family picnic with my loud sobbing . I sat down . I just couldn 't move . My dad drove all this way and started hiking a mountain . He just wanted to give me a mt dew and red bull . And I told him to eff off . I am such an asshole . I am quitting I decided . Being friends with my dad is way more important than this stupid record . But I realized , great . Even if I quit I still have to walk 10 more miles out to the road . So I kept on , very mopie . Finally , I checked my phone . I had a message from my dad . " At road waiting for you " . I hustled . Sweet . I 'll smooth this over and be fishing with my dad in no time . I got to the highway . My dad was grilling . Are you effin kidding me . I couldn 't help but laugh . I told him I was sorry about what I said and he couldn 't just show up and surprise me . He knows I cant accept supplies . He tried to get me to eat a burger . I don 't really eat meat and I wasn 't quitting . I told him to go home and I would see him in When I started the trail I was aware of what the record was and thought , Lets see what I cal do . After 10 days average 36 . 6 . MPD . I decided to push and see how I felt . After a couple of big days and feeling great . My confidence was growing . I decided to get my average up to 40 MPD asap . I did . Then I decided to bank miles for the Whites . My understanding was , leaving VT and starting the Whites . I had 19 miles in the bank . 1779 in 44 days . So I could bleed 5 miles a day thru the whites , a few more in Maine then pull and all nighter get Katahdin in the AM july 6 - 7 . So 53 . 5 - 54 . 5 days . I guess that is a plan . But I have been flying by the seat of my pants . So we will see . . . . Also , someone mentioned I run on emotion . I totally do ! Today my emotion tank was drain . But I love my dad and he knows it . Tomorrow is a new day Felt amazing running into Hanover . 6lbs on my back , downhill paved road . I might have just clipped one mile off at 7min pace . $ 128 at a convience store later , I felt like a bloated out of shape fatty walking out of town . Had a few climbs but nothing crazy . Loved trudging thru a few swamps too . I guess I will be wet this whole trip ( only wet maine left ) . But then Ill appreciate the desert so much more in a few weeks time . Posted by Shortest day on the trail in a long time it seems I just under 12 hours got a good nights rest and get a good nights rest tonight a lot of food it 's hard to go slowly take it easy . But I think I 'll be good from the mountains coming out . Yeah the voice type doesn 't work all that great . Posted by This is going to be too hard to keep up through the whites and Maine . I 'll do my best but I got to have a focused head and get these last 400 some odd miles done . Hopefully I 'll pop up somewhere and have a Katahdin in 14 or days or so Finally some mountains Greylock and Glastonbury . Margot and her dad met me ; it was awesome . They track me down then walked the trail with me and ran with me for 3 miles and it was great ! It was like meeting to old friends for coffee hang out for a while catching up and then leaving feeling refreshed and good . Although we covered 3 miles we talked while we walked for 3 miles and I felt when they left and I was refreshing ready to hike again . But I was already hiking . Okay we reach a all - time new level here I realize how to use the voice type on my iPhone . All I need is a signal and I can basically just talk to my phone and here you go you got a blog . Unfortunately I am moving all day and focus I think get food get water and massage my legs him the rest of it I walk sleep that 's all I have time for I will try to keep everyone updated as best I can but I 'm sure I 'll be heading out service very infrequently coming up . But I am home in Vermont playing in the mountains a group plan then i 'm going to see my dad tomorrow night SigmaStat hotel room so that 's going to be awesome and refreshing both mentally and physically . Right now I am on and kisses the 12th day where I will get 40 + miles an absurd I love it going to time for anything else you time to think about that my new new balance minimus shoes fell apart in less than 40 miles but hopefully will get some issues soon and will be sorry again . I can 't tell you all how much I love you and appreciate the support it 's been amazing . You guys are motivating me and inspiring me every day and I hope I can only return the favor someone to keep going . About 545 miles to go to Katahdin I love it can 't wait Easy day . Besides two 1 , 000ft , a 800ft and a 600ft climb . Today was flat . So boring , so tiring . Pancake flat . can 't be like pancakes all exciting at first and by the end you 're sick of them thanks Mitch Well I slept . Woke up covered in a cold dew . The only way I know how to get warm is move . Packed quick and started running . It was a mile of cow pasture to start every step soaking my feet in cold morning dew . It actually felt nice . I was booking for it was smooth terrain . Got to my resupply point and went to work . I spent a little too long there but it is a nice mental break as well . Ugh now my pack is heavy . I kept up a good forward progress . But the terrain wasn 't making it easy . Can 't help but feel like Frodo Baggins trying to get to Mordoor to destroy the ring . I am currently entering the kingdom of Isengarrd before Mordoor . Google St . Johns ledges . . . Enjoy the view . Now add st . Johns ledges stair climb . Lord of the rings ? Well I just keep plugging away . But every time I calculate my pace , I just seem slow . I am not going to make it . I get angry and sprint . But the sun was winning the race . Finally , I had to stop and put the headlamp on . I ate , brushed my teeth and couldn 't help feeling like a failure . 38 miles . . . I wanted 40 to make it a week of 40s . I was getting everything together for my bear bag when I noticed the guide book page for today . I looked at it to try to figure out why it was so hard ? Why I didn 't make it ? There it was . . . I had the wrong starting mileage . I thought I started at 1448 but I started at 1446 . Thus making my pace seem slower all day . Realizing this ; that means I did 40 today . But yesterday ? I did 40 not 42 . Haha . The best part of that mistake is it probably pushed me to get those last few miles instead of giving up . Well awesome ! Thankful , I passed out . Posted by Ugh . The rain started early in the AM . I happened to pick a spot where the roof leaked . Just a drip . But it woke me up and made me move . I really didn 't want to be here today . It rained until 11 . I was moving so slow . Almost as if I was trying to slow myself down . The sun came out . It was 1 pm . I needed water . I went to a tent site with a pump and laid out my stuff to dry while I filtered the water . I made a few needed phone calls . It was 3 pm . Crap . I had only cover 17 miles in 8 : 30 . I got up and started running . I didn 't stop until 8 pm . I had covered 23 miles in just over 5 hours . A pretty good pace with a pack . I walked across a swamp on a long boardwalk while eating dinner . I cross some railroad tracks and was at the nursery . The power outlets didn 't work and the bathroom was locked . I got water and passed out . Posted by So my day start with a big crash . A tree came tumbling down about 50 feet away from where I slept . It was really windy , there was lightning ( I assume heat lightning ) , it wasn 't raining and was hot as hell . I was thirsty . So I drank some water . It was 1 : 30 in the morning . I was up now . Really thirsty and running out of water . Oh well night hike . It must have gotten warmer thru the night . 2 miles in , I found a brook and I loaded up on water . Do people actually like the Sawyer Squeeze ? I think it is annoying . I would rather pump . So I stumbled through the dark until about 3 : 30 . I was pretty tired so I figured a nap would work wonders . Slept until 5 with my feet up on a rock and my head on my pack . No bag / sac just my tights and shirt . Well it worked like a charm . I felt like I had slept all night . The day was going great . I was in NY . I crossed the thruway where I have driven a million times . There were climbs . Punchy short steep climbs . Probably the best to get my climbing legs back . I was about 18 miles into my day and walking up a longer climb . I looked thru the guide book to find outfitters to get shoes . Sweet . The next 3 towns . About 50 , 80 , and 110 miles out all had outfitters within a mile or so of the trail . So I stopped to break and dry out my feet . I called . All three outfitters . None of them carried shoes . Only one of them knew what compression socks were . And only one had camelback bladders . Now I 've lost it . How can you call yourself a " hiking " " Trails " and " backcountry " outfitter and not sell shoes or boots ? I don 't know what to do . I called mike and left him a 15 minute sobby voicemail . I took off back on the trail feeling lost . What am I doing out here ? How am I so unprepared ? Why do the outfitter stores along the AT suck ? Nothing good . The trail meandered over slickrock and thru brush . I found it very difficult to follow the trail . All of this was frustrating the hell out of me . I decided I would go to the visitor center at the pallisades to buy some cokes and snacks . I was kind of low on food and fJoey Camps Today started slow and then got crazy . I met a ridge runner by the name Grasshopper while I was filling up water at the first shelter . He started in with the usual questions and soon realized how crazy I was . Being a thru hiker himself and more of a true trail hiker , we seemed to agree on a lot of things . He said that I best be going and that he didn 't want to hold me up . I told him nonsense , that I was gaining motivation and inspiration . But then I hurried away . Things were going swimmingly but it was get hot and humid fast . I made it to the road I had to take to town and was about to turn on it . There was an older lady who looked like she might be from the area . I asked for confirmation . She told me it was not the road and I had to go another mile . Ill call B S . I just didn 't believe her . I decided to just go up the road right in front of her . She yelled to me that I was going the wrong way . I just waved . Sure enough it was the right way and I arrived to an airconditioned gas station . This was going to be hard to leave . They had orange juice and pineapple . I could cry . Downed a half gallon of oj , ate some pineapple , ordered / ate a chicken parm sub and bought my groceries . But I didn 't want to leave yet . I pulled out my phone and I had service . I had a text from my mom and two from my brother . Surely they are trying to figure out where to meet me in Massachusetts . They were trying to meet up . But right now . Apparently driving down , they wanted to meet me at a place 10 miles ahead in less than an hour . Crap I thought . I wasted all this time just to stay in the AC . I text my brother a new location only 6 miles away . Packed up and started running . Great now I am stressed and rushing . But it was great . I crushed those 6 miles and arrived at a roadside picnic of which seemed like a dozen hikers . I saw my mom and gave her a big sweaty hug . Then I punched my brother for surprising me and making me run so hard . I sat down and my mom introduced everyone to me . I chatted with the other hikers and had some more pineapple . IJoey Camps No case of the Mondays here . Excited for an early morning town , new shoes and camel back . Half awake , I floated over those man - eating rocks they have here in PA . Haha . Okay , its a simple paychological explanation . I am not going to deny that there are rocks in PA . But there are rocks everywhere . I remember some rooty / rock descent out of NC that was worse than anything in PA . It is like my buddy Rusty said when I asked him about PA , " people got to have something to complain about " . Bingo . PA is long , flat , boring , uninspiring and lacks views . But please don 't take it out on the rocks . I love the rocks ! Running on rocks is like getting a foot massage all day . . Awesome . I had to run all day in PA , I like mountains and I cannot stand slowing down to eat when it is flat . I guess I am just complaining now . Boo hoo . So I got top of the last hump before dropping to town . Mt MiniSi . Made me think of Jurek and Mt Si training for Western States . We will get back to him later . Gorgeous view with some sprawled fog . Takes my breath away . Descent over in no time . Not to brag , but I am a pretty fine descender when I bring my A game . I get to the Village Farmer . Sounded good . It was a bakery . Last resupply candy shop , this one a bakery . I half debated getting a pie . Also , I was in a foul mood for the TWO outfitter stores in town were only open 10 - 5 . Honestly , this has always irked me . It was before 9 and I don 't have the patience or luxury to sit around for an hour . Both stores . 10 - 5 . Not even an 8 hour day . Lazy bums . Anyhow , the only juice the bakery has comes in 2oz cans . After 3 V8s I gave up . And for food . Chocolate covered nuts and candy . Gosh my diet has been hell for a few days . Okay off and running . Cross the Delaware river . PA behind me and welcome NJ . I ate my loaf of cranberry walnut bread up the climb . By far the best food I have had in 3 days now . I started down that path . . . The one you shouldn 't ever go . Negative Nancies path . Well it was getting out of hand after about 20 minutes . Instead of slapping myself aroundUSA . USA . USA . USA . USA . Oh yea we are in NJ . Shot out to the boss . " Baby this town rips the bones from your back It 's a death trap , it 's a suicide rap We gotta get out while we 're young ' Cause tramps like us , baby we were born to run " Brr it was cold this morning . Someone said it was 40 degrees and I would believe them . Took a little while to get rolling today . It is fathers day and I want to make my dad proud . Once the sun was up for a bit , both the temperatures and I were warmed up . Cruised down to Lehigh gap around 11 . I noticed water dripping down the back of my leg . I immediately grabbed the bottom of my pack and it was soaking wet . I threw my pack down and puled out a broken bladder . Oh boy , no bueno . It was sunny , hot and the middle of the day . I crossed the bridge and then got lost somehow . All the white reflectors look like blazes so I get confused . Cursing and looking confused cars just drive by , probably slightly perturbed . I finally figure it out and get up to the trail head . Someone had left water and I was immensely grateful . I decided I needed to chill out and regather myself . So I pulled out my feet and I called my dad to wish him a happy fathers day . We talked for awhile and realized I would see him in VT in 9 days . My dad told me after reading about all my hiking , he went for a hike himself . I couldn 't believe it . I was blown away . My dad was always active . He played soccer , basketball and he would chop wood and stuff like that . But my dad would never be caught dead exercising just to stay in shape . Really just caught me by surprise . After hanging up and packing up , I took off up a decent sized climb . I felt invigorated by my talk with my day and the idea of seeing him in a little over a week . I rounded the top of the climb and started running . For some reason I launched myself in the air . I just flew over a rattlesnake almost stepping on him in the process . When I stopped and turned back , he finally started to rattle at me . Definitely got the heart beating . I took off running . It was flat and smooth high on a ridge . I was getting fried and sunburnt . All this rain and forest , this is the first time I have really seen the sun in 31 days . I struggled with hydration . I no longer had the camelback to sip from . At first I left thePosted by Well it is my brothers birthday today . Not just any birthday , dirty 30 . I wanted to do something special . Oh and it is flag day . The day we celebrate the birth of American Jesus . Well I took off running . The first 10 miles I spent trudging through the swamps of PA . After I got out of that grossness . It was running . Non - stop running . Ugh . Pennslyvania is so flat , it is inbeliveable . Well I made it to Port Clinton in no time . Well , 5 hrs 10mins . For 23miles . Ill take it . Once I got on the pavement . I ripped my shoes and socks off and called my brother . Before he even answered the phone the sun had gone behind the clouds . Seems about right , I shrugged . I wished my brother a happy birthday , got to talk to Downey and congratulate Mr . Butch on getting married . I decided to not try to long to dry out my feet with it being cloudy . So I went to the candy shop . Honestly , it is almost perfect for a resupply . They have nuts , trailmixes , gummy candy and dried fruit in large bins . You can get as much or little as you would like . I only spent $ 50 and was on the road . I figured I would try to dry my feet again . So I sat at the edge of the road and cleaned them up . I ate the pound of fudge ( oreo and peanut butter ) . Then I finally made my up and out of town . Now I have learned in the past not to eat much in town , wait until you are walking uphill to start eating . And no different this time . At the candy shop I had an orange juice , V8 , 4 sodas and some carmel popcorn . Then I had the fudge before start up . I was nauseous for the first 20 minutes . Then I was okay for the next 10 and then I was hungry again . Oh the ridiculousness of hiking 40 miles a day . I continued on for awhile but just seemed to be dragging . I finally had to sprint to make it to camp without a headlamp . I was exhausted and disappointed . I wanted to do something big for my bothers birthday . And then I cracked up . I just covered 46 miles and spent $ 50 on candy . Oh well I guess I am just ridiculous . Well happy birthday Mike . Sorry I couldn 't be there but I know you aPosted by Well it didn 't seem to rain that much last night . Maybe I made a mistake . But my feet are a worlds better , so maybe not . I ran 2 miles on pavement to start the day . So my feet were dry for a little . Had a nice little climb to start . I felt heavy and probably was . I ate too much and didn 't run far enough . But thats okay . I will be down some weight in a few hours . I got sprinkled on from 9 to 10am . I thought well that wasn 't so bad . We are done with the rain for a few days and things will finally dry out . All of a sudden there was a sharp pain shooting up from my right foot / toes . I tried to move the foot around in the shoe . But nothing worked . It was so painful it made me nauseous and I threw up . This is not good . I stopped took it off . My foot didn 't look that bad . I picked some dirt / rock out of one of the sores . I ate some cheesy crackers while I waited for it to dry a bit . I rubbed some neosporin on it , wrapped it in some toilet paper and duct tape , then shoved it back in the shoe . Seemed better . Started running . Better , but still really painful . This is not good . This could shorten my day again . Hmm . Ok I got it . Good ole Marshall Ullrich trick . Dudes badass . Done a bunch of stuff crazier than this and is known for having his toenails surgically removed . I look up to him because he is hardcore and intuitive . He figures out what works and does it . He ran across the US a couple of years ago at the age of 57 . He didn 't get the record he was going for . But he averaged something like 60 miles a day and set the masters record . Anyhow , he has a book , " Running on empty " and I read it about a year ago . It is a good book ; if you enjoy what I am doing , you should read it . So in the book , I believe it is plantar fascititis , but he is in a lot of pain . He decides to just tell himself it is not his foot and ignore it . Well that apparently worked for him , so why not try it . So . . . " thats not my foot , thats not my foot , thats not my foot . " Well , the pain went away . I mean I think the pain was still there , but I was full on ignorJoey Camps My first and hopefully last rest day . I decided to sleep in a bit . 6 : 30 . I figured I deserved it . And I mosied out the door by 7 : 15 . My nice dry feet lasted about 5 minutes . It was only misting , but it poored last night . The ground was covered in puddles . Once I got back on the trail I was soaked head to toe . The overgrown branches , wind and just plain dripping made it as though it was raining . It was dead flat again . I ran and ran . I passed a guy who said , " flash flood warning this afternoon to midnight " . Thanks . Then a girl , " Flash flood warning tonight , you probably don 't want to be out here later " . Thanks . Finally , an older lady , " Flash flood warning , you probably shouldn 't be out here much longer " thanks . Jesus . Rahhh . And I was worried about getting gangrene on my feet because I had been running through ankle deep water in and out of cow and horse pastures . I had been running along a river that already looked really high for about 5 miles . And I was running through an inch of water flowing across the trail . I looked around for areas of respite in the case there was a flash flood . There weren 't any . I was on the high ground . So I freaked out a little . I started getting upset , annoyed and whinning , " why cant one thing go my way " . I was focusing on everything negative and then it came . " Mindful of your feelings you must be " Thanks little green man . So I switched it over . What can I do ? How can I fix my feet ? It was 11 : 45 and I just didn 't want to be out anymore . I had covered 19 miles already and had only 8 to go until Duncannon , PA . I checked the book and there was a place to stay , only $ 25 . Okay game plan . I looked at the guide and it looked like a fairly easy course . Okay I said to myself , two hours of effort and I am warm , dry and can take care of my feet . I noticed on the guide a caution symbol and it said really rocky section . Okay fine , boulder hopping . 3 hours max and I am there . Well I began running and pushing myself . Waiting for these man eating rocks that everyone talks about in Pennslyvania . WeJoey Camps Well I said it was going to be on today , and it was . As my first decision of the day ; I decided to go back to sleep . . . haha . It was raining at 4 : 50 and I thought it wouldn 't be the best to run in the dark rain on slippy rocks . So I got up at 5 : 25 . Mosied out by 5 : 55 . 49 miles to go . Resupply , eat n sleep , hotel and Rangers . It takes me about 2 hours to warm up these days . But even during those first hours , I averaged over 4 mph . A nice descent got my legs going and my self chants kept it flowing . It was Food , Hotel , Dry gear , Rangers and REPEAT . I realized that I would cross the midway point soon as well . I thought about it . . . 27 days ago I start and I have put a few hours in today . Doing the math on the run , under 55 days . I can 't believe it . I checked and rechecked my math . I knew since I decided to push , I was doing well . But this blew my mind . I am averaging 40 . 1 miles per day and feel great . Except for my feet , I am pain free . Mentally . . . well I was always off . But I am motivated and enjoying it everyday . A few punchy climbs really got to me at the end of the day . I ran for about 5 hours non - stop before the climbs . I couldn 't help it . It was pancake flat . I was bonking and not just calorie bonk . I was Carb deprived bonked . I think that is a great . It means I am pushing myself harder and using more carbs . But it also means I need to pack higher carb food . I got over the climbs in survivor fashion . Once I caught my breath , I was booking down the descent . It seems that no matter how tired I am , when gravity comes into my favor I can just go . I ran the last two miles through a corn field . Which quickly spit me out to a beautiful bike path along a small lake and town . It was so cool . It reminded me of some small town in Italy or anywhere in Europe . I downed a half gallon of OJ before I was half done with grocery shopping . I ran / hobbled down the road to the Allenbury Inn . Which , turns out to be a crazy country club setup . It took me awhile to figure out which building I go to register for the night . I got my key aPosted by So I ran 43 miles today . Met some cool people . But the best part was seeing my Brother . I got to hang out with him for about 2 and a half hours on the side of the highway . He brought some fruit and veggies to share with the other hikers coming thru . My brother told me a few days ago he might be driving through and be able to meet up . But that sly dog planned it all along . He knew he would be able to meet up with me some day on his road trip and didnt mention it to be more of a surprise . And what a special surprise . I was able to dry out my feet and after some crying , I even dried my eyes . I was so thankful to see him and now motivated to make him proud . I ram fast ( 28 miles in 7 hours ) to see him . Which was awesome . After I left him on the roadside , I felt this calm but motivated feeling . I took it easy to camp and still got there early . I have a plan in the works . I caught up to one of the gentlemen that came thru and got some food from my brother . He seemed to have a really good attitude about life and was stoked on what I was attempting to do . His name was Flying Hawk Spirit of Love . I said goodbye and goodluck . Hopefully , I will see him in VT . Anyway back to the plan . So seeing my brother and talking to Flying Hawk Spirit of Love has given me this wonderful feeling inside . So I am think it is time to go beast mode . When I first started planning my days , I used to use 3mph as a general guidline . If I wanted to go 39 miles . I would plan on 13 hours . That is with water , bathrooms , and other breaks . But yesterday and today I have really just started using 4 mph . So I am going with it . I am currently sleeping at 1069 and boiling springs is 48 miles away at 1117 . If I leave at 5am then I plan to get there at 5pm . Get new shoes , resupply and hotel by 630 - 7 . Watch the Rangers Game . Might be the only one I see . So that is the plan . If someone could let the Rangers know how hard I am working to watch them play , maybe it would light a fire under their ass and they can pull out a W for me . One of my first post I said yPosted by So first off , the saying is , " you can 't eat your cake and have it too " . The other way just doesn 't really make sense . But I have come up with my own . " You can halve your cake and eat it too " why am I thinking this ? Oh yes . The town thing . The key is getting to town mid afternoon . Enjoy the town stuff then get out before dark . Half - town . So 32 miles to town . No sweat . So I rode a rollercoaster today . It wasn 't a real rollercoaster ; I know because they let me keep my pack on . " 13 . 5 miles of ascents and descents . " That is how the guide book describes it . I thought it was funny because the whole trail is ascents and descents . It was short 300 - 600 foot climbs followed imeadiatly by a similar downhill . A perfect profile if you ask me . You power uphill . When the first hint of fatigue hits you , you can already see the top . So you power over the top and bomb down the otherside . There are no rests , no lulls . Just non - stop thrills . It made the miles go by quick . I didn 't really have a water filter , so I had to talk the halfmile detour to fill up at the Blackburn ATC center . Once I got back on the trail . I was thinking about meeting up with my brother tomorrow . I was stoked . Flying along I ran the last 12 miles in 2 : 20 to Harpers Ferry . I was also excited to get there and see the ATC headquaters . I got my picture taken ( as all thru - hikers do ) and even did an interview with a lady doing a research paper on trail communities . She just asked me to describe my trail magic experience . As I went to leave I noticed it was pouring out . Again for the second time today , I got all my rain gear on . In five minutes it had stopped raining and the sun was out . Making it hot and humid with my feet squishy . Basically the usual on the trail . I hit the outfitters quick and was disappointed . The book says you can do a fully resupply there but it was a tiny store with a few snacks . I got a new water purifier ( sawyer squeeze ; they didnt have any pumps . ) I grabbed what I could for a resuply and left . I wanted food but there really weren 't any quPosted by Really didn 't have much of a plan today . I had a shelter at 989 , 996 and a hostel at 999 . The hostel would be really cool , but I didn 't think I was up for another 53 mile day . . . we 'll see . Started off fine and with great views . I was moving quick and feeling good . One concern ; I was running low on food and was already rationing . I could make it to the Hostel and grab food early tomorrow if need be . But if I don 't get there tonight , I would rather just roll to Harpers . Not a big deal . I covered 17 miles in my first 4 hours and was thinking . " Hostel ? " But I wasn 't getting my hopes up , surely I would slow down . I stopped to get water . My purifier was not working . I tried a couple of things , but was unsuccesful . Now I am slowing down , I thought . This could be a big problem . Hmm . No need to panic , I can always drink out of the streams . If I do get jardia , I 'll deal with it in a week . Fortunately , another hiker showed up before I took off and I traded him a clifbar to pump 2 liters . On my way , although realizing I would mow have to " figure out " water every time until I get to Harpers Ferry to get a new filter . I figured I would just stop at shelters and bug people . They would gladly fill me up , because people out here are super nice . I booked along and was just praying for some trail magic , for water / soda and extra calories as to avoid asking people to filter water for me and to avoid stopping in the Hostel tomorrow morning . Because clearly now , I would not make it 53 miles in time to show up to the Hostel . Every road crossing I hoped and prayed . Then it happened . Oreos , cheese crackers , nutter butters , chips , mt dew and coke . SAVED . I downed a coke and some oreos . Then a nutter butter and a mt dew . I threw a few in my pack for tonight and I had a plan . I would bribe people to pump me water with oreos . Between feeling sugar high , nauseous and just energized ; I cruised the last 14 miles to camp . Almost puking at times and blissfully numb at others . I got there with a few spitting storms but not a ton of rain . My first quJoey Camps Sleeping in is nice but it always leaves me feeling kind of groggy / hungover feeling . I was really slow getting out of camp . The first few miles were uphill and my legs felt especially heavy . The first descent I started slow but I was able to shake out the legs . Then I was flying . I ran for a long time in the zone and did not really notice anything . When I finally checked , it was noon and I had covered about 21 miles in just 5 hours . Shenandoha NP is made for running . After a bit of climbing , I decided to check my phone . I had service . Mandatory break , I announced . I put my feet up and went to town . I got my blog updated and some other things . I decided to call my brother Mike . What a fortuitous decision . He answered , it was nice to catch up . But then we figured a meet up was possible in the next few days . We kind of brainstorned some ideas and it is a work in progress . None the less , I plan on seeing my brother in the next few days . I was so over joyed . I sprinted the next mile not feeling a thing or seeing a thing , because my eyes were full of tears of joy . As much as I am doing this adventure " unsupported " I have so much support from family , friends and strangers . I met a gentleman out there by the name of Hotsauce and we talked about Colorado , ultrarunning and he seemed stoked I was going for the record . I told him maybe we could meet up in CO later this summer . It got me all sorts of motivated . To finish the AT faster , to run faster and to go to CO and be in a place I love and give Leadville100 a good shot . This kind of emotional support really gives me a lot of energy and motivation . So thank you all very much ! I kept trucking and was feeling good . I made it to the Elkwallow around 8 . It was closed and there was no one around . But I was able to use the bathroom to charge my phone and clean up . Feeling good and excited . I look forward to a big day tomorrow to set up for Harpers Ferry . Goodnight everyone . And thanks again for the support ! Well , I am not going to lie . The legs felt a bit slow today . But a few descents and they are all shook out . I entered Shenandoha National Park today . After some brief climbing , I was up on the ridge the rest of the day . Very mellow terrain lead to a lot of running . Man , I dont know how I am doing this . I am running everything and feeling stronger and stronger . I made it to Loft Mt Campstore at 3 : 30 . I did my grocery shopping and finally treated myself right . Two orange juices , V8 juice , two yogurts , two bananas , a block of cheese and a pint of cookie dough ice cream . By treat myself right , I mean getting some healthful items to make myself feel better not worse . Plus , I still wanted to do 13 more miles . I trucked along not feeling sick or bloated from just eating junk food . I was flying along and was excited to get to camp early for once and get a good nights sleep . All of a sudden I noticed something out of the corner of my eye moving towards me . I look to see a adult black bear jogging towards me about 20 feet away . I stopped dead in my tracks . Yelled " HEY " and clapped my hands . The bear turned quick and ran away shitting his bear britches . I got a chuckle out of the situation then checked my own pants . I ate for the last mile up to camp , which I got to well before sun down . I setup , massaged and thought about how awesome the last two days have been . 99 miles , a resupply and an epiphany . Life is good . I am going to reward myself with sleeping in tomorrow ( 6 : 06am ) . Goodnight Today was going to be a big day . I was making up for yesterday and trying to set myself up to make resupply tomorrow . Big climb tackled before the sun came out . It was windy and blowing water off the leaves of the trees . I was borderline cold which helped me set a good pace . I was making great pace running across the ridge . But running low on food and now water had me worrying . Then it happened . Probably the most profound awesomeness on my trip so far . I ran into Goman and his wife setting up some trail magic for hikers . I was able to get some candy bars and sodas , which eased my worry . But the best thing I got was a lesson and some motivation . Goman was retired and hiked the trail two years back . He and his wife now come out and stock food and drinks for hikers everyday . I could see it in his eyes and the way he looked ; the trail changed him for better . I got this feeling that I was excited to see the changes the trail will bring to me . My friend , we will call him Tulips , told me that the trail would change me . I think it already has and will even more . But right now it is hard to tell because I am still on the trail and living " trail life " . This all got me so excited to finish the AT and see the changes . I felt on a higher level the rest of the day and was just booking it . It was as if something was pulling me along . I went for it . It lead me to see a beautiful sunset and bombing a descent to camp for a total of 52 miles . I did all that in 14 hours , which means I averaged 3 . 7 mph with breaks and refills on water . . . that is fast . Also , I wasn 't tired . I felt like I could have kept that pace up all night if I wanted to . This is my second 50 + day . I am excited to see what I can do tomorrow . My first . 50 + day had a 33 mile into town day so it was cut short . Did I mention I am excited ! Got up and out early this morning . At first I felt a bit groggy but I warmed up and was cruising . Virginia might be " flat " but it sure has some of the bigger climbs . Two 3 , 000 foot climbs today along with a few smaller ones . When just running I would say a 3 , 000 foot climb is nice and I can do a few . But when carrying a 15lb pack and covering 40miles per day , suddenly a 3 , 000 fout climb is like an Everest . The day was going great but it was getting hot and humid . I had one 3 , 000 ft climb behind me and a lot of rolling terrain . I was 33 miles into my day and basically just had to walk uphill , pig out and I would be done . I stopped at a stream to get water . I was doing well on time , so I figured I would rinse off and take care of my feet . 20 minutes later I was on my way feeling good about taking care of myself . Then I heard it . Maybe it was just a loud truck , we are by a highway . Then again . And again . Damn . So I quickened my pace . Maybe it will miss me or I can get to the shelter wait it out quick then continue . It was getting louder and closer . I debated quick in my head whether to stop and put on my rain gear or try to just hurry to the shelter before it starts . I chose the latter and was now sprinting . Then I heard it . Like a swarm of angry bees . There was this buzzing . I turned to look and the was a white wall just coming towards me . I threw my pack down and before I could even unzip it . The wall hit me . It had some force to it . I was drenched in seconds . I got my rain gear on pointlessly and was now sprinting again . A large tree about 50 feet tall crashed down next to me . Then a bolt of lightning cracked and made all my hair stand up . Now I was really sprinting . Some mud came slidding down and took out the trail in front of me . This was crazy . Another tree came down and then another . I was absolutely flying . I ran up a 50 foot hill in only a few bounds . There it was the shelter and . empty . My lucky day . I stipped down in a matter of seconds and hung everything up . I was so warm from the effort that I was sweJoey Camps Always tough to leave town . I grabbed a few muffins and bagels then head for the woods . The pizza hut was definitely messing with my stomach and slowing me down today . That is the thing about towns . It is nice to get that comfort , food and internet . But you can really get trapped into trying to do too much . I know I did last night . Trying to update my blog , check emails , pay bills , etc . I barely got any sleep . Anyway , out on the trail it was a blur today . I wasn 't feeling particularly motivated or energized . Instead I trucked along aimlessly and almost effortlessly . My feet feel so much better today . Despite losing two pounds at the UPS store , I was now carrying food for 4 days and my pack seemed ridiculously heavy . It was a lot of climbing today which was even more tiring with the heavy pack . Running the downhills felt okay but the heavy pack makes it a little more difficult . Without being much aware , I rolled into camp just after dark , with my headlamp on . I setup and went to bed . Today was very much a buddhist day . It was almost a blur . I really don 't remember much but at the same time remember it all . It was an easy effort though today . I look foward to a long day tomorrow and being attentive . Posted by I think it was Evans ( correct me if I am wrong ) but I was whinning about how few hundred mile races I was going to be doing this summer . And Evans in her infinite wisdom told me , " yeah , but you are doing the AT . That is way bigger than a hundred miler " . And so I thought , Yeah , the AT is like doing 22 100milers back to back . Awesome . Thanks Evans . Alarm went off . I just went to bed 6 hours ago . Can I snooze ? Hotel ! Pizza Hut ! New Shoes ! Resupply ! Ok I am up . I was launched out of a cannon . I was running everything , again . Is everything finally normalizing ? I just covered 53 miles and slept 6 hours . . . how am I awake , let alone trucking ? Got to climb up Dragons Tooth today . A lot of people told me I need to slack pack it . I just nodded . But I was thinking , my pack only weighs 10lbs , I am already slack packing . Anyhow , turned out to be super easy with maybe . 500 yards of down hopping . People are wierd . I was cruising again though . Dalesville on my mind . My shoe situation had become a bit more dire . Being wet 24 / 7 and putting in 13 hour days really wears the shoes out . My front third of my right shoes sole was just flapping in the wind . The instep if the left shoe was ripped out about half the way down . Getting new shoes was no longer a question , it had to be done . Well I better run faster to Dalesville to have time to get shoes . So I did . Seemed easy enough , beside the 90 degree humidity and the sun zapping me . I got to Dalesville and HoJos at 4 : 45 . Making today a 33 mile in 9 hours 45 minutes . A nice easy , short , recovery day . I debated it for about a second then hopped in the shower . Oh well back to getting used to being dirty tomorrow . Oh it felt so good . That done and all my stuff layed out to dry , I ran the half mile to the outfitters store . Man , what a wierd feeling . I thought I would feel all light and fast without my pack . Nope . Awkward and off balance . Haha . It was fun to me ; passing all the rush hour traffic feeling so awkward . It was probably only awkward for the people in cars because I was wearing greePosted by Slept good . Woke inspired . Today . It is going to be the day . I ran and ran everything . Nothing is going to stop me . I got Dalesville on the mind and only 86 miles . I also had a card up my sleeve . Night hike . I figured I would see how the day went . But I wanted to go long so it was an easier / shorter day into Dalesville . If I got to town early in the afternoon , I could get new shoes , eat a ton and relax . As the day went on , I felt strong but my pace wasn 't that good . There had been a few big climbs and my legs were fine but I lost time . Well I rushed up one more climb to make sure I got the nice long descent in before dark . I did . 43 miles done by sundown . There is the shelter , I did stop . Go Joe Go , I said . Bam . It hit me like a freight train . Trail Magic . Someone had left two coolers of sodas out for us poor hikers . Sugar , water and caffeine , um afterburner . Mt Dew and a Coke . I drank and ran . Now it was pitch black except for a small crescent moon . I was moving by headlamp . A little spooky being in the woods in the dark . But the nights coolness hit me to wake up . Oh yea , sugar and caffeine coursed my veins to add a punch . It was a big climb but I soared up it . Why can 't all climbs be done in the cool of the night ? Not the blistering midday sun . I hit the top . I was going to set up camp and let the long downhill start my day . But Dalesville early ? And I am feeling good . Game on . Blast descent . I was floating over the trail . I don 't think I tripped once , which is impressive in the dark . I reached the bottom and decided to walk a bit to cool off . It was uphill but it is still nice to slow down . I found a spot . Threw up the bear bag and was out . 53 miles done . My first night hike . And now only . 33 miles to Dalesville . I felt good all through the day and into the night . Let us see if there are any reprecussions for these shinanagins . If not . Night hiking will become my new way of loading up miles . Posted by There was a dog at the shelter last night . In the middle of the night he came and kicked me . Then he layed by me and paw 'd me . I kept try to get him away or his owners attention . Neither worked . It was my worst night sleep in a long time . Anyways . The day started out okay . But I quickly grew tired and was in a fog . I didn 't have that much food for the 32 miles to Pearsberg . So I was rationing and got very hypoglycemic . I could barely see straight and couldn 't help but think that this was not a good situation to be in . I decided to chow down on some nuts on the big climb about 15 miles into my day . Then I started the " I got this chant " . I was gaining momentum . As rounded the top and started the downhill . It was a breath of fresh air . I was cruising and feeling strong . I busted out the next 8 miles a lot faster than I thought I could . But still I was running out of calories and felt my energy waning . Then some magic . I hit a road where two guys were handing out MT Dews as a pay it forward for some other hikers being nice to them . My lucky day . I needed the sugary fluid and caffiene never hurts . I flew on and had the most fun descent on the AT so far , heading into Pearsburg . I ran the mile to the gas station and loaded up . Out of town was a steep 5 mile climb that I ate on the entire way . An easy two miles across the ridge with beautiful views the whole way . I reach shelter for the most breath taking view of the trip so far . Although I only progressed 38 miles today , I covered 40 and resupplied . I saw an awesome sunset and gained faith in my ability to turn the day around . A pretty good day for being sleep deprived , if I may say so . Posted by I discovered a big knot on my adductor last night and massaged a ton . Needless to say , the knee was all better today . Some big climbs early took some umph out of my step . Then the heat took its toll . At one point I covered 6 miles and had no recollection . Now we are having fun ! Also , I have been trying to plan my resupply towns better to stay the night . But until now , I have only been checking the night before and none have worked out . So today I flipped ahead . Daleville is at mile 724 . 168 miles away from where I started this morning . 42 miles a day gets me there for the fourth night . Day 19 at mile 724 is an average of 38 . 1 . I now have motivation and incentive . Wooh hoo . Let the games begin . I covered 43 and a little today . Feels good . Was going to see about night hike but I am not in the mood . I want one of the next two days to be big so the day into Daleville is a little short so I have energy to enjoy and don 't get there so late . But we will see . Posted by |
Tereza cried out loud , " Go away rude breath ! " It seemed as if the wind yelled back … . " NO ! " Tereza listened carefully to see if she had awakened her baby boy sleeping in the other room . The young mother looked up at the sunlight peeking through the cracks of the cabin ceiling . The wind continued to blow so hard that it would push out one of the wadded up brown paper balls that she had plugged up one of the dozens of holes . After all her efforts to stop the winter wind , it still seemed to find its way into the tiny cabin . She and her husband Jakob had moved into it this past summer . But now Winter was upon them fast and furious . She longed to get outside . Spring and summer were always the most beautiful times of the year in Checkoslavakia . Jakob would always put his strong arms around her and whisper , " The breath of God surrounds us . " In his strong but gentle way he would whisper these words into her ear and it always made her feel so safe and secure . She wished he was here with her now to put his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be alright . Life had taken a cruel turn and she wanted to scream out loud ! She hated the anger she felt burning deep within her soul . Lately she always found herself looking back to the past . She hated that too . She had always been so passionate for the future ; but that all changed once the Germans arrived . She was constantly worried about Jakob and his being on the road after dark . He wouldn 't be home until late because it was a far walk to their cabin from the university where he was an instructor . When they first moved into the Black Forest cabin she thought it couldn 't have been more perfect ; even though it was just on the outskirts of Prague . Jon Erickson a friend of Jakob 's , had offered it to them . The price was right and very well worth the move . During the summer it was nice and cozy and provided an inexpensive place for them to live . It had a white picket fence that surrounded it like a mote surrounds a castle nestled among the lushness of the black and green forest . There was a small stream where they could get water , take a bath and spend time alone together with their baby son . The wildflowers , squirrels , butterflies and birds enhanced its beauty . It was the picture perfect summer framing a beautiful carefree life . But now winter had sunk its teeth into the hideaway turning it into a cold and barren prison . Today , it seemed even more dark , damp and desolate . With each degree drop in the temperature , the cabin grew increasingly bitter and harsh . It was becoming intolerable just like the city of Prague . She looked down at her once soft and pliable hands and cried . Dry and cracked like the winter outside ; she knew she was getting old and worn out . Worry began to cloud her already muddled mind . The thought of touching her son with these rough weather worn hands was even more depressing . The Nazi soldiers who had invaded her country were destroying the beautiful city she had grown up in . She and Jakob 's beautiful life had been ruined forcing them out of Prague . Christians and Jews everywhere were being persecuted and it didn 't take much to get arrested . She shivered when she looked down at the package on the table . Quietly she walked over and put another log on the fire and placed the water kettle on a hook to make a hot cup of tea . She would have to sit down to open the brown paper wrapped box that her neighbor Katerina had dropped it off a few minutes after Jakob left for work . She glared at the box . It was wrapped in plain brown paper and exactly like always , it stirred the same bittersweet feeling that all the other packages they had received from her aunt and uncle in the United States . She despised how ungrateful she felt . She normally would have invited Katerina in for tea but , this morning she wanted to be alone . She felt overwhelmed and too tired to make small talk . Her skin crawled with dread . It felt like small bugs were crawling all over her . She thought she was losing her mind . This year had been the worst year even though she was a little thankful Jakob was still able to teach . At times she wished he would just stay home with her and they could just spend time together waiting out the inevitable - - starvation . At this point she had lost all hope . She glanced back at the return address on the brown package and she could feel the acid slowly rise in her throat . Why had she become so bitter , so resentful and so unappreciative ? A pain hit her in her right side … she thought to herself , " Now what ? " Each time she received a package from her family in the United States it became more difficult to open . Then suddenly a huge lump settled in her throat in place of the acid . It grew larger and larger with each whistle blast from the tea kettle that had started to boil . She walked over and took the pot off the fire . Forget the tea , it was too much trouble to make it . At times like this she couldn 't even cry right , she would just sit and tears would just ooze from her tear ducts . At other times she would try to find the ability to cry out to God and she would be as dry as sawdust on a hot summer day . She sat down at the table with the brown package and slowly began to pick at the tape that was tightly wrapped around the package . Each tiny piece of tape she picked and pulled away very carefully . Her fingers were so dry and cracked from the cold that they bled at the least bit of pressure . She winced at the pain but quietly pulled off each piece of tape and set it to the side for safekeeping . Jakob had cautioned her , " Tereza , everything is valuable and reusable . It mustn 't be wasted . We can 't afford even little things like tape and wrapping paper these days so you must learn to be resourceful . I know you aren 't purposefully wasteful , it 's just the times my dear , it 's just the times . " " Yes my dear " , she would reply . She knew Jackob was not lecturing her , but preparing himself to be able to go and stand before his students with confidence and wisdom . They had both discussed this so many times . Jakob would say , " Tereza , " We must encourage each other to stand strong , faithful and true during these times of war and hardship . There are many who are being persecuted and killed . We are safe and secure and must continue to pray for those who are suffering for their faith . God will provide always . " Tereza held firm to these words even though the news was growing worse each day . She and Jackob both knew it wasn 't Tereza who was … she stopped mid thought . The word martyred came to mind . " It was just the times they were living in , " she said . The lump increased . She paused and thought about the little town of Kostelec . It was known for its beautiful forests , and she was living in one . But today , it only seemed very dark , very depressing . It was near the golden city of Prague which was now filled with Nazi soldiers . The war was ravaging their beautiful city and the Allies weren 't helping by dropping bombs to try and stop them . She had heard the damage was unbelievable . She thought , " How could this be happening ? " She sank into a daydream and she remembered when she was a child how her father would take her into the city of Prague to look at the big astronomical clock . The clock was an amazing sight to behold and the stories behind it were even more amazing . There were figures surrounding the clock representing three of the seven cardinal sins and their ultimate destiny . Just then the thought of her father 's voice rang softly in her head , " Schatci , little jewel , you can walk free from the trials and tribulations of this world . You are God 's precious one and you carry Him in your heart . He will never leave or forsake you . " Her father would take her hand and stroll across the Charles Bridge , looking at the hundreds of golden spires . The sun would be setting behind the castle and you could hear the sound of boats on the River Vitvava in the background . Her father said the Celtics had claimed Prague to be the " Mother of all Cities . " She missed her father , the lump grew bigger and the tears began to fall on her cheek . He would know what to say to her . As she picked at another piece of tape she began to wail in despair . She thought about the story of Cinderella and imagined what she must have felt like sitting by the fire , wondering if her life would always be filled with such harshness and trouble . She cried harder and it felt like every ounce of fluid was flowing from her body . Sitting at the table she just looked at the package through the veil of tears that once again had started flowing and thoughts about how the war was ravaging the city . Neighbors and families alike were fighting over how to keep food in their bellies and shoes on their feet . She put the tea kettle back on the fire . Until now , wars had always been somewhere else . Now this ugly war had crept in like the tide and was at her back door and pulling beautiful Prague under . She had learned so much during this time . Everything was valuable , especially freedom . She examined the package with wonder , thinking about each small piece of tape , the brown wrapping paper , and even the string that had been cut and retied after the Nazi inspectors had thoroughly " searched " it . This time it looked as if they had started to open the package and then stopped before ever disturbing the tape . She put paper , string and tape carefully away before she began to open the box . Suddenly like a knife , a pain struck her heart and the words flashed before her , " Hope deferred makes the heart sick . " She cried out loud , " That 's why the lump keeps getting bigger to swallow . " She peeked in on the baby who was still sleeping softly and this gave her the strength to began to pray and bless the Germans , in spite of what they were doing . This was difficult but she did it . They had robbed her and her family of so much . They were all in bondage to this evil regime and she didn 't like it one bit . Her father had taught her when she wanted to do something to write so she got out her pen and paper and began to write a speech for the underground newspaper . She would not allow this fear and hopelessness rob her of the mission she felt called to . It was important for others to know what was happening outside the walls of the city and inside the walls of the concentration camps . There were rumors of the Nazis taking blonde haired blue eyed children back to Germany to be part of their brainwashing system . Her neighbor had lost their little girl to this slavery . She pushed the fear back , thinking about her little boy being blonde haired , blue eyed . " What if ? " She couldn 't go there . She and her husband had even thought about smuggling him to the U . S . Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted again by the sharp whistle of the tea kettle . She had forgotten she had put it back on the fire . She poured the boiling water over the already twice used tea bag . Her Uncle Winslow and Aunt Thelma from the United States had been so faithful to send packages once they had heard of the invasion and the destruction on their homeland . They had indicated that they would make a way for baby Jakob if they needed to . . . but Tereza would never let him go away from her , or would she ? Things were difficult even in the United States and it was a miracle they received anything at all . Every package was a mixture of blessing and cursing . The blessing was the supplies , the curse , why couldn 't they be a country where she and her family didn 't have to hear bombs and air raids . Still , she was thankful for what she got because every package except one had been ravaged and all of the best items stolen . She had written her uncle and asked for shoes for her husband . She looked down at her hands on the box and thought of her husband and his feet . She would wash his socks out and place them by the fire each night to dry . The soles of his boots were so worn , the cardboard and paper she would place on the bottom would be falling out usually before he even got out of the door . She felt ashamed of worrying how old she was feeling , when she thought about what he was going through . She was warm inside her cabin , and he was tramping through the frozen ground for hours each day . Not once had he ever complained . She knew different though , his feet couldn 't take much more . He needed shoes . His circulation was growing worse each day . The snow and ice would melt underneath the warmth of his feet and his feet would be blue from the freezing temperatures and blistered from the day 's long walk to work . She would remove his shoes and socks and pray over his feet as she washed them out each night and put them by the fire to dry . She would look at her hands next to his feet and although her hands were worn , his feet were a mess . The lump increased in her throat , and she began to think about the children of Israel and how the Bible said their shoes never wore out , in over forty years . Again , she tried to swallow it but it exploded in her throat like a bomb and she thought she would choke . She tried to take a sip of her tea , but the sight and the thought made her want to throw up . " I 'm getting sick , " she thought . " I am sick , " a voice said behind her . She whipped around but no one was there . " I 'm sick of hoping against hope , " she yelled at the empty room . " There are no shoes coming , " the invisible voice answered . " Just give up , just give up , God is not anything but your silly imagination . You and your family are ended today , " it whispered . The presence in the room was dark , it was bitter and the smell was making her sick . It seemed as if the entire room was closing in and spinning . She ran over thinking she would vomit and opened the front door to run outside . Then it started right on the top of her head ; it felt like warm oil and smelled like the drink her mother would bring to her when she was sick as a little girl . The mixture of a shot of cognac mixed with honey and peppermint . She would take a couple of swallows and then a few minutes later , her body would experience this same exact feeling . She would drift off to sleep and not awaken until the next morning … always feeling much better . In a few minutes she just drifted off to sleep . But now , she didn 't feel sleepy , she just felt warm , safe and loved . She also felt totally free like a bird . She had to admit to herself , she did feel a little drunk . She could feel God 's Spirit rising up within her , supercharging her body . It was a miraculous feeling . She felt like she was light as a feather . Just then , something told her to look over at the fence post and there he was . A turtle dove , alone and by himself without his mate . " That is so odd , " she thought . They are usually never alone and never out and about this time of year . She thought , " I usually see two to three pairs in the spring . " A comforting voice spoke quietly to her and said , " Spring has sprung , new hope and life await you . Go open your present . " Suddenly she felt like Cinderella again except this time she was totally free , released from all the doubt and fear ! She turned and walked back inside the house . Her heart that had stopped mid - beat , was now suddenly beating fast with expectancy . She didn 't really understand what was happening , but the pain was gone and so was the lump . She placed her hand over her heart because she thought it was about to pop out of her chest . She slammed the door behind her and ran to the partially opened box . His voice spoke softly , sweetly , " I am here , and I told you I would never leave or forsake you . You are my precious one and I am yours . I will make a way where there seems to be no way . " Instead of opening the box , she left it and walked into the bedroom . She laughed at herself as she asked , " How could she have been so faithless ? " She took out another brown box she had hidden in the closet . It had arrived from Uncle Winslow several months ago , long before winter . Inside of it was one left shoe . At the time it came , she thought , " Those Nazis are cruel men , to take one shoe and leave the other . " She carried the box tenderly from the bedroom and placed it next to the box she had received that morning . The boxes were identical . She suddenly felt ashamed and a new lump arising . She knew it was the Lord as He spoke gently , " Don 't worry , it is alright , my darling , I understand and know where you are . " She began to cry softly , sweetly this time . The tears were joyful and full of refreshing this time . An end was in sight , it was a knowing a comfortable feeling way down in her soul . " We are such selfish creatures she thought . A mother gives no thought to herself when she is birthing a child . She will expel , push and release , give it her very last breath in order to release her child into the future . How many women have died over the years giving birth ? " A rising of her spirit was filling her body . She could feel the desire to push , to travail , to give life . This must have been how Christ felt at the end , just before his last breath . He knew the emptying of himself would give birth to an everlasting body of believers . He knew that he would rise and it would be a brand new day for Him and for the world . John had gone to prison declaring what he knew to be true . He was persecuted and martyred . She felt courage and strength arising within her . She could be strong and she would go on and most important she and Jakob would be faithful to God and continue to fight against the evil that had overtaken their city . They would raise little Jakob to be a fighter too ! She felt like such a little girl again . She felt like she did when she walked across the Charles Bridge with her father . " Today is the day , " she thought with faith . The lump in her throat was gone . She had been released from the pressure of trying to maintain control . Suddenly , she realized she was laughing through her tears . She was singing at the top of her voice . She bounced her precious baby boy on her knee and put him in his play pen and went over to her secret place where she had stowed away the ingredients for a special dinner celebration . She couldn 't believe how much she had to be thankful for and how silly she felt over all her tears , doubts and fears from earlier . God had restored her joy by using one shoe ! Fear , doubt and unbelief were totally gone ! Just then little Jakob cried out , " Ma Ma feet me ! " Tereza laughed back at him as she put little Jakob to her breast saying , " I 'll feet you ! " She remembered reading earlier ; " How precious are the feet of those that bring good news . " She could hardly wait for the day to pass , for Jakob to return home and share with him the wonderful story of how God had supplied the perfect shoes for him as she felt the warm milk flowing from her into her little son . " Some want to live within the sound of church or chapel bell ; I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of hell . C . T . Studd Famous missionary started under Hudson Taylor " Lord , my prayer is give me the courage to get out and pound the pavement of hell for you ! Help me not to be afraid but to have the tenacity of a lioness that is fighting for her cubs . Give me a heart for the lost , Oh Lord I pray . For His Kingdom , Cinderella ReleasedRead More about Hudson Taylor In school today I read a great story about how God chooses us to minister . I Corinthians 1 : 26 - 27 tells us God chooses the foolish things of this world to confuse the wise . Remember , dear brothers and sisters , that few of you were wise in the world 's eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you . Instead , God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise . And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful . In the book " Refresh , Ben Gutierrez says , When I was in grade school , there was a certain boy who was looked up to as being the best in all sports . And because of his super star status in our eyes , we allowed him to get away with something that no other captain was allowed to mimic . No one questioned h im when he would choose a handful of players from the line and turn to the other captain and say " The rest are yours ! " We allowed him to shoose the best players and discard the rest . You Are God 's ChoiceGod chooses His team of ministers similarly to the boy at my school - but with one major difference . God prefers His team members to be those the world deems as outcasts . " God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise . And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful ( I Corinthians 1 : 27 ) . As the world begins to place its stamp of approval on the strongest , brightest , and best to represent it 's cause . God creates His winning team from those that the world deems as " weak . " People who are rejected by the world are the very people God has already chosen to serve on His team . And in in every clash and encounter with the world , God 's team overcomes the world ! This morning I got up feeling rather weak . It seemed every which way I turn , the world was surrounding me trying to tell me how defeated I was . But , I am reminded that it is the weak who are truly strong , because Jesus is the defender of the weak . I know God chose me to be on His team and to be there to tell others about the life God has Posted by Galatians Chapter 5 begins with the following verse ; Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free , and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage . Christ has made us free . Many times this past year I didn 't feel free , I didn 't act free but I do know that regardless of how we feel or act the truth is Christ has made us free in Him . The Lord loves us even when others don 't truly love us or for some reason have stopped loving us . Even when someone attacks us Christ tells us that we should respond in love . I pray for the day when I don 't react ! It is imperative we love others as we love ourselves . We must give up our co - dependent and independent state of minds and pray to operate only with the mind of Christ . Satan and / or my mind ( sometimes I can 't decide which ) will project a false picture of who I am , or worse yet , who others are . This really hurts us and Christ . Satan is always going about like a roaring lion accusing and putting out false projections . When this happens grab the truth ; you are free in Christ . Turn off the projector . The Bible tells us we must pray and fight against the principalities and powers that project these false accusations and not take them to heart . We have to love those who even believe the lies of Satan and pray for those who have born a false witness against us . One of my friends has a son who is in love with Maria , the nanny on the Sound of Music . He wakes up in the middle of the night crying out for Maria . My friend has to tell him that Maria is not real , she is only a projection on the movie screen . Sometimes we must turn off the projector in our life and come back to reality . Our dream or hope is not real , it was just a false projection or perhaps we weren 't willing to pay the price of casting down vain glory , envy and strife . This past year I feel I 've projected a lot of Maria 's in my life . It is time that Cinderella be totally free in whom God created her to be , not operating in vain glory , provoking anyone , not striving with false projections . We mustPosted by How do you respond even in prayer to an entire country who has been turned upside down in just a few minutes ? The aftermath , the grief , the loss . I know many people like myself are going through situations today ; that less than a year ago they thought would or could never happen to them . Many so called dreams have been shaken and turned upside down . It seems like just yesterday I had rearranged another piece of furniture , hung up my husband 's laundry , painted a beach scene on a mangrove leaf and made a " Beautiful Blessing Shell Garden " for a dear friend of mine . Little pieces of the puzzle of my life being filled in to create a beautiful picture and life . Whether it was Satan , flesh or a combination of both I went to bed upset one night only to have awakened grief stricken . It still feels like a dream that I can 't shake . My only solace is that God is in control and my situation has not taken him by surprise . I remember the words of a mother who lost her daughter just before Christmas last year . A few days after her death , her daughter spoke to her in a dream and told her that everything was ok , she was at peace , and not to worry . She said , " Mom It really is all about Jesus and what He has done for us . " Count your blessings , name them one by one . Count your blessings , see what God has done . Count your blessings , name them one by one . Count your many blessings see what God has done . Let us count our blessings and name them one by one . Today I sit and listen to rain falling outside and wonder to myself , " Lord which road is the right path ? " When we are uncertain Exodus 13 : 17 - 18 says , When Pharaoh finally let the people go , God did not lead them on the road that runs through Philistine territory , even though that was the shortest way from Egypt to the Promised Land . God said , " If the people are faced with a battle , they might change their minds and return to Egypt . So God led them along a route through the wilderness toward the Red Sea , [ fn ] and the Israelites left Egypt like a marching army . " We all know the story of what happened then . Interestingly enough they didn 't have to walk blindly because in verse 21 it says , The LORD guided them by a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night . That way they could travel whether it was day or night . When choosing the path to travel it is so important to keep our eyes on Jesus . We can 't be led by our own understanding , but must be led by the Holy Spirit . My prayer today is that the Lord open my eyes to be able to see the pillar of cloud during the day and the pillar of fire at night . Of course this can only be done by getting to know the Holy Spirit and understanding His leading . God will lead , guide and direct us to dry ground . I don 't want you to forget , dear brothers and sisters , what happened to our ancestors in the wilderness long ago . God guided all of them by sending a cloud that moved along ahead of them , and he brought them all safely through the waters of the sea on dry ground . 1 Corinthians 10 : 1 |
Hello one and all . I am all alone . Well , all alone except for the staff and patients of Seattle Grace Hospital keeping me company . What would I do without them . They must keep making Grey 's Anatomy forever more or a little part of me will die inside . I have already had to cope with the end of Brothers and Sisters and it wasn 't pretty . I am all alone aside from fictional TV characters because I have made K take the children to his mother 's house as I am no longer fit to parent them . I am failing spectacularly on all counts so I thought it was best for all if we were temporarily separated . I feel terrifically guilty about sending them away on yet another rainy day so that someone else has to find a way to amuse them in a small , confined space . In the same way that when the weather is warm for a number of days in a row ( to any foreign readers , this is known as a heatwave in the UK and can sometimes last as long as a week ) and you look at your winter coats and boots and can 't imagine a time when you will ever wear them again , the same has happened with the rain . I have now decided that it will continue to rain forever , two weeks of almost persistent rain has completely obliterated any memory I might have once had of those days when it was possible to leave the house without socks , wellies , coats etc for me and all of the children or why you would ever buy an ice cream from an ice cream van . I feel that I am never going to see the sun again . Foreign holidays are never going to happen for us so this is it now . A lifetime of rain and misery awaits me . Gone are the days when I could prance around wearing my Sainsbury 's Maxi dresses , instead I have used some of my valuable last income to invest in yet more maternity jeans . Although having moaned - the persistent cold and rain could all work out to my advantage - there is nothing worse than being boiling hot and heavily pregnant and sweating so much from a short walk you have to change your clothes . When I was heavily pregnant with Bea and working I used to be so hot by the time I got home I would stand in a paddling pool and get K to hose me down outside with all my clothes on . Actually we can 't do that even if we do have a sudden and unexpected heatwave in June ( apparently May is going to be very rainy too ) as there is still going to be a hose pipe ban even if we have to spend the next six weeks swimmHowever , after the initial excitement and pride at what we had created , along with the obligatory photographs , I was left with a three metre obstacle to clean and move around in the kitchen . Also , after one night in situ , it turns out that painting sellotape is not a long term solution as it chips and flakes everywhere . So , since the first Wednesday of the holidays I have been in a very difficult situation . My children were in love with Mr Croc and also convinced it was worth money and should be sold online , K was keen to have it thrown away quickly ( after being suitably impressed and complimentary of our considerable skill ) and I was left moving it in to various different positions so that it could be cleaned under only for the movement to leave large areas of chipped green paint in its wake . So , finally this week I took various parts of Mr Croc and squished them down in to the recycling bin ( I took ages deciding if it was regular rubbish or recycling ) but the main part of the body was too big so had to be left on top of the bin and then the rain began again and the paint started coming off and running away in little sad , green rivers . It was a sad sight and Ted was particularly affected by witnessing the slow and miserable death of his friend . ( They had played together many times over the last three weeks ) . Since he was crushed unceremoniously in the back of a recycling van , nothing has been the same . After a brief period of excitement that Bea 's new glasses might actually have made a significant difference to her ability to read music and therefore make recorder practise more enjoyable , it turns out that she still doesn 't know the difference between a ' B ' and a ' C ' and her wearing glasses has had absolutely no affect on my patience level whilst she tries to work it out . In fact the glasses just remind me of my shortcomings as a parent because she should have been diagnosed long sighted at least four months ago ( if not more ) and perhaps she would have found things a lot easier if I wasn 't so lazy / suffering fromEvery time I look at G now I keep trying to be objective and work out if he looks obese to the untrained eye and if I am just not seeing it because he is mine . Every time he pulls on his skinny jeans I feel vindicated . Although added to my guilt over his weight ( which is my fault whether he is predisposed to weight gain or not - ultimately the buck stops with me ) , I am slightly concerned he may have some tooth decay as well . I am petrified of going to the dentist to find out for sure . It is yet another urgent thing I have to put on my to do list which isn 't being done , not because I am so ultra , ultra busy that I can 't fit it in , but because I am too chicken shit scared to do anything about it . Before I write again I am going to HAVE to take them to seek urgent dental attention . Bea 's teeth are growing in all wonky too so she needs to go and see him . Oh and she needs to go to the doctors for her hearing . I haven 't done anything about that either . Let 's face it , things are not looking good for my motley crew of children . Let 's hope they have great personalities . Ted has been his usual still - in - nappies , evil - genius self , until yesterday when he became badly wounded due again , to my crappy parenting and utter neglect . I had left him downstairs with his father and siblings watching Alvin and the Sodding Chipmunks ( I added the sodding btw although the makers of the film really should have thought of it ) and gone for a sneaky lie down upstairs . After half an hour Ted came and found me . I tried ignoring him which worked and he went away , but then came back saying he had a hurt . I didn 't look up and told him to come to me and I would kiss him better . He became quite insistent and didn 't move . I looked up and saw a lot of blood on his finger . I also noticed the smell which was obviously why he had come up to see me ( K says it is Ted who insists on me changing him but I secretly suspect K tells him to come and find me after he 's filled his nappy ) . So , upon inspection of the fingers I saw more and more blood , but Ted was tePosted by Well hello . You find me in a very sorry state after a sodding terrible evening . Worst one in ages . Particularly odd as yesterday evening was one of the greats . A trio of happy children who had thoroughly enjoyed their day and evening , who went to bed happily and easily with smiles on their faces . Even K and I had had great days ( he sold an expensive house with a good commission and I completed my final Weight Watching meeting and had a lovely lunch with a friend ) so last night the Mother and Other house was full of happy vibes , peace , good will and smiles . Tonight could not be more of a contrast . At some point this afternoon Ted fell asleep in the playroom ( I wasn 't paying him any attention and it took ages for me to realise it had been a while since I had heard anything ) and he was still asleep by the time I needed to leave for the school run . This has happened a number of times ( him being asleep at school run time , not me ignoring him ) and has never been a massive problem in the past , but today it would appear that Ted hadn 't had as much sleep as he wanted and about 30 seconds after I woke him up he began protesting in earnest . It was a bog standard tantrum before we left the house - screaming and lying on the floor , arching himself backwards if I tried to pick him up etc - and usually these sort of tantrums desist once he gets out in the fresh air . Again , today was different . The tantrum worsened upon leaving the house and continued to worsen as we got down the road . He wriggled out of the buggy and sat on the pavement . I attempted the ' fine stay there ' approach and walked off . He was happy alone on the pavement and showed no sign of moving . I was by this point incredibly late for pick up and realised there was nothing for it but to get on and bear the pain . I picked him up , strapped him in the buggy , remembering the middle strap this time and pushed him determinedly towards the school . The angry screaming and wailing continued , along with the furious kicking of legs and straining against the buggy straps , allWe arrived home in one piece and I will admit to you all that I was not as gentle or as calm as I should have been when I released Ted from the buggy straps and put him in his cot so that he could finish the tantrum out of earshot and I could calm down . Unfortunately in the middle of all this and trying to treat G 's eye issue and Bea 's overheating from too many layers of clothing , a man knocked at the door . Clearly life had not dealt this man a fair hand as he was going door to door to try and peddle LoveFilm and he chose to knock on my door at an incredibly inopportune moment . He did not receive a very warm welcome and I unleashed some of my pent up anger on him . This turned out to be quite lucky as I was then calm enough to rapidly sort out the big two before turning my attention to Ted . I calmly questioned if he was ready to calm down , removed him from his cot and sat and cuddled him in front of the TV until life had returned to something approaching normality . Then I was just left with the usual fighting over who was playing with whom - the extra child is still regularly fought over - and the constant request for various toys that need to be found instantly by me . Bedtime was even worse as they all had melt downs over various things . It took an hour after I officially said goodnight for them to admit defeat and shut the hell up and sleep . It was as if they knew that K was having a rare night out and I was on my own . Oh and that poor man from LoveFilm returned ( clearly very desperate for a commission ) , whilst the children were still complaining from upstairs , in the hope that ' this was a less busy time ' . Dear Lord men are stupid . Although luckily for me , the man with whom I share my life is not as stupid as I thought . He had thoughtfully left me a bar of chocolate in the fridge . He even hid it to make finding it all the more exciting . And he didn 't tell me it was there , so he was obviously only thinking of me and my delight at discovering such a thing when he hid it there . It is a shame that the last eight houThere was even more excitement last week as I went out . Not just any ordinary going out - this was to the theatre . It has been many years since I have been to the theatre , even more since I saw anything grown up . This was a very grown up play - John Webster 's The Duchess of Malfi . I didn 't know what it was about before I got there , I went as a stand in for a friend of mine who couldn 't make it and her husband very kindly said I could take her ticket and go as his date . I knew it wasn 't going to be Mary Poppins , I had managed to ascertain that it was a tragedy and having studied a fair bit of Shakespeare and plays of around the same era , I realised it wasn 't going to be joyful or hilarious , but I was looking forward to using my brain regardless . However from the get go I knew I wasn 't going to handle it - it started off with people walking in slowly and ominously with big cloaks and hoods covering their faces and immediately it looked like something scary from Midsomer Murders . As we know , I do not ' do ' scary and MM is quite often way above my ' comfort ' threshold . Without wishing to ruin it for anyone planning to see the play there are some almightily horrid brothers who decide to punish their sister for her perceived wrong doing ( marrying beneath her and procreating with the lowly man ) and eventually end up having her killed - right in front of my eyes . Two men pulled very hard on a rope they had placed around her neck and continued to do so as she struggled , gasped and strained against it - for a very long time . It was horrifying . Coupled with the fact that after she did finally die , the ' bad ' man went on to order the death of her lady in waiting and the Duchess ' two babies who were with the lady in waiting . This was after the horrific visual of the husband and first son of the Duchess , hanging from the gallows with their hands cut off . ( Luckily they weren 't real in the play or in real life and this was just another way the brothers had thought up to upset the poor Duchess ) . Although the husband does end up deadSweet dreams people - may they be filled with chocolate , clean houses and no murders . xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx HELLO ! and welcome to the dawning of a new era - the era post speech . You probably heard my loud sigh of relief as it echoed around the four corners of the land as soon as the speech had ended last Saturday , but just in case - relax , it is all finished now . My sigh of relief is today joined by the relief that I have run my penultimate Wibbly meeting . Next week is my official handover with the new leader who is already more efficient than me and has been putting up laminated posters advertising the meeting all over the place - she could have waited until I was out of the way to show me up . This time next week I will be totally devoid of anything to moan about . That will be a new era . So , THE WEDDING . Well , to preface the day itself I should inform you that my ability to cope efficiently with stress is the same as my ability to cope with scary / tense films . I do not posses the ability . I was tetchy , difficult and over emotional . Oh and tired to add to it all as I had already endured the first week of the holidays and our Anniversary meal out so by the time we got down to mum 's on Friday night I was in a very peculiar frame of mind . My hair appointment had taken far longer than I expected ( four hours ) on Friday morning and due to a last minute change of plan late on Thursday afternoon about when we were leaving , my allotted time to pack was reduced to 20 minutes . Mercifully K agreed to take care of his own packing so I was only left with four people to pack up for a week away and a wedding . I packed with sparkling speed and drove like a lunatic so that I managed to arrive at mum 's just in the nick of time for Bea to go to the wedding rehearsal with my little sister and for me to enjoy all the amazing baking mum had put on for the various guests the little sister had over for the pre - wedding festivities . ( They are the same bunch as came to the hen night - all thin and glamorous and clearly not people with hearty appetites as there was A LOT of food leftover - if I had been bulimic I could have been in serious trouble . So , all sisters are now married . DONE . First round , ding ding . There are many years to go so there may well be a second round . Never say never . Although you will be relieved to hear that K and I have fully recovered from the wedding - no round two for us just yet - we are back to our usual selves . Well , me more than him as I was obviously the more emotional of the two , but he could clearly have coped far better with my dramatic mood swings , so we were both at fault . I worry that I have lost you with all the sister talk so I thought I would take this family occasion to clarify the sisters - here goes . There are five of us . The eldest is a half sister , but a whole person who lives in America and will henceforth be known as American Sister . She was my father 's daughter from his first , short lived marriage . ( Mercifully so otherwise I wouldn 't exist - quelle horreur ) . The next is the oldest of our bunch of four sisters and she will be known henceforth as Kent Sister - she moved there a few years ago and is now obsessed with the County . She is also the Events Organiser , used - to - be - actress who is married and has one four year old beautiful daughter who G is very in love with . Then there is the Queen of Cupcakes who is the mother of four children , the eldest of whom was my 18 year old manny for a week at the end of last summer and the other three are girls who are Bea 's surrogate sisters as I seem so rubbish at providing actual sisters for her , henceforth known as Cupcake Sister . Then there is the fabulous moi . And finally there is the littlest sister who has just returned from her honeymoon in the Maldives . Henceforth known as Just Married Sister . I hope this clarifies things . The rest of the holiday was spent filling in time in Suffolk , going to the cinema , visiting long suffering friends in Norwich , getting Bea 's eyes tested ( four months later than advised by the last optician and it now turns out that she does indeed need glasses as she is long sighted - cue lots of guilt on my part and immense happiness on her part Posted by Bonjourno ! There is an awful lot going on that I wish I had time to tell you about but I don 't and that is the way life goes . So I shall have to be brief and just get on with the bare essentials . The speech is written . That is the good news . I am NEVER writing one again . It has blighted my recent life . Writing this post on my comfy sofa in front of the TV knowing that if it is badly received I will never know about it , is one thing , but writing something that a . is filmed , b . could cause someone to cry in a bad way and c . can be witnessed going down like a lead balloon whilst I am reading it , means that the pressure is too much and I literally melted under it . I do not respond well to pressure . I tend to freak out and shout . Still , something that will ' do ' is written and ready . I feel slightly relaxed . But I won 't be totally relaxed until Sunday when it is all over . I am looking forward to enjoying the ' big ' day but I am looking forward to Sunday even more . The Easter holidays for me will properly begin then . The Easter holidays so far have included an awful lot of play dates , a WW meeting with Bea in tow , a trip to a friend 's in Kent , a sleepover here and the creation of what can only be described as an awe inspiring three metre crocodile . I have been quite nice to the children so far but that is only because I know I am getting my hair done on Friday and I am going out for our Anniversary meal tomorrow night . These incentives have helped me to be ridiculously patient over the last 72 hours . It is amazing what I will do for hair and food . ( Nine years BTW - it doesn 't seem possible . ) The scan - it all went well you will be relieved to know . Ted was even magnificently well behaved . It was actually a pleasurable thing to do . Newbie performed its part perfectly - showing all the relevant parts of the body on cue . We even got a great arse - eye - view so that K and I could disagree about what we saw . I obviously believe it to be male . I saw some white blobs which I suspected to be testes but K has cleverly pointed out that they are too far apart to be sure that that is what we saw . On reflection he has a point . The ones I have seen on the outside have all been closely linked together and if they were testes I saw , they were obligingly either side of a white line in an almost cartoon drawing of meat and two veg which makes me suspect I might not have seen what I thought I saw . So , we are no further forward which is exactly what I wanted . Annoyingly the sonographer said she knew exactly what it was which made it far too tantalising for me . K even had to leave me alone with her when he took Ted out of the room so I could have asked her and found out and told no one . But the will power I used to lose the weight has been sitting dormant for the last five months so I put it in to action and walked out of the door quickly so I didn 't have a chance . God knows how I am going to cope in the next scan . I may crack under the pressure . We even only had to wait 45 minutes for our appointment - almost a record . We have waited almost an hour and a half before . However I still had enough time to people watch all the other people waiting which is my favourite past time . It was as I sat there watching all the other women and their partners / friends that I came up with the most genius idea . If I ruled the Country I would make it compulsory to go through a Dull test . It would be the most fabulous way of getting rid of the class system . Dullness transcends wealth , class , race and everything else that people are judged upon or judge themselves by . The dull scale will put all of those in the shade . The terribly dull will stick with their own people and the fabulously interesting can do the same . People who pretend to be interesting by doing stuff like sky diving or white water rafting would soon be sifted out - the dull cannot hide . Personal interviews would have to be conducted over a period of time so that the dull inspectors could properly ascertain your level of dull . And it wouldn 't be entirely judged on actions - oh no no - otherwise I would fall foul of the dull - o - meter . No , it would primarily be scored on personality , life choices , ideology and then past times etc . It would be everything - the whole package . This would mean that millionaires who were ridiculously uninteresting would be persona - non - grata at dinner parties across the ' circuit ' . No more dull conversations about skiing holidays and boat size for them - they will be stuck with the other dullards of all backgrounds and bank balances . The same applies to ' celebrities ' who are only known because they had sex with someone or once appeared on a TV programme or something equally as dull . It would also mean that Katie Price no longer had currency as she would fall very short of the interesting mark . People who volunteer for charity to try and make the world a better place would be given top billing - people helping the homeless to keep warm and fed or who make very sick children 's dreams come Ooh , before I go I must also clarify that when I said bi - weekly - I meant every other week . I am only permitted six hours cleaning help a month - K deems that to be extremely decadent as it is - to have someone helping me twice a week would cause him to fit . Next time I shall use ' Fortnightly ' to avoid any confusion . There you are - you are up to date . I shall let you know all about the wedding next week . Until then mon amies . xxxxx |
I haven 't blogged in , well , forever , because I feel like I have nothing to say . And that 's not true at all . It 's more like I have nothing to bitch about , so what do I have to write about ? Things have been … crazy . Chaotic . It was a long , weird summer . After my grandma was diagnosed with lymphoma and then had the stroke , things because very tense . She was in the hospital , then in the ICU , then in a rehab place , then in a nursing home and now , FINALLY , she 's home . But she 's not the same as she was before , as would be expected . So it 's hard . sometimes she 's like the person she was - she will make funny faces and wink at us and laugh at our jokes . And sometimes , it 's like she 's not there at all . She 's making such great progress though , and there 's no more lymphoma , so those are things to be really thrilled about . My grandma is a tough lady , so I had no doubts she would make it through all of this . And after that , my summer , my fall has been amazing . Honestly . I 've been dating the most wonderful , amazing , perfect man . Perfect for me , at least . I didn 't think it would work with us in the beginning - he seemed too nice , I 'm too harsh . But it did work . Mostly because once I got to know him , I realized that I didn 't want to destroy his life . In fact , I want him to stay in my life as long as he can . There 's something so different about things between us . I fell for him so hard and so fast that it 's difficult to believe we haven 't even been together for 6 months yet . But I know that things between us are far from over . He brings out the best in me and helps me see the best in myself . He 's kind and loving and thinks the world of me . And I think the world of him . I didn 't think I could feel this way about someone . And yet , I smile all the time when I talk about him . My pulse still races when I know I 'm going to see him . Every time he looks at me in a certain way , I feel more loved than I ever have before . There are things about our relationship that go so much deeper than any other relationship before . For his birthday , I surprised him at his house with dinner and a birthday cake . The look on his face when he came through the door and realized that I was there was the best look anyone has ever given me . That made it all worth it . I realized that I wanted to surprise him for his birthday because I knew how happy it would make him . He still talks about it , how great it was , how he had the most amazing birthday ever . All I can think is that I 'm so incredibly lucky to have met him , to have him in my life . I 'm so happy that I found him . That he found me . That we made our way to each other . My face hurts from smiling all the time . I am the most disgusting relationship girl that has ever existed . On Monday , my cousin gave birth to the cutest little baby I 've ever seen , Alec Nicholas . I 'm not just saying that because he 's related to me . I 'm saying that because OMG CUTE BABY . It 's kind of weird to have a baby in the family . It 's been so long since anyone on either side had a baby . My youngest cousin is now 8 years old . When he was born , I was kind of distracted by other things ( specifically my grandpa dying of cancer ) so I really didn 't care much about him . Also I was 19 and could have cared less about babies . Now I 'm 26 and a lot of people I know are having babies . It 's that time in people 's lives . I do not want this for myself - but I 'm fine with it for others . So now that the Nugget ( as I call him ) has hit the scene , there 's at least a baby for me to adore and then hand back to his parents . I guess it 's just weird too because I grew up with my cousin . We 've always been close . It 's weird to think that the girl that I used to play dress up with now has a little person to take care of . It means that she 's really an adult , as opposed to being half of one before . She 's got a family of her own now . And that 's … strange . But babies ? With their tiny shoes and tiny onesies and OMG CHILDREN ' S BOOKS ? Fabulous . Babies wearing belts on pants , even though they don 't walk ? I LOVE IT . I go from being angry and cynical to being a pile of love whenever I see a baby . I realized why the other day . Babies have no idea of the bad in the universe . Everything to them is shiny happy good times . They don 't know that people are mean and hateful and awful to each other . They eat , sleep and poop . That 's all they do . They love it . They love it without even knowing there 's so much more to the world . Welcome to the universe , Alec Nicholas . My little Nugget . You 're going to be shown the best of the best . And we 're all so glad that you 're here . Today is one of those days where it 's so hot that you sweat just by existing . I got out of the shower and I was already sweating . Just ew Puppy Duke fractured his toe . I don 't even know how he did it , but now he 's all jacked up on painkillers and limping around and it 's the saddest thing ever . It will take 3 weeks for his foot to heal , so we just have to keep the 6 month old puppy calm until then . Oh yes , that 's a piece of cake . Went to a wedding this weekend with Gilmore . One of his friends was getting married and honestly ? The most adorable wedding ever . Mike and Casey love each other so much it hurts . You can tell they are going to be together forever and still love each other as much every day as they did on Saturday . The wedding was great and the reception was even better . Another thing I love ? The fact that Gilmore 's friends have just taken me in like I totally belong . They 're all so nice to me and tell Gilmore how wonderful I am . Which is true - i AM wonderful . This weekend is my cousin 's baby shower . It 's hard to believe that the baby could be born really any time now - her due date is the end of July / beginning of August . I 'm so excited for this baby to come along . Like , really . I can 't wait for the new baby . It 's been a while since there 's been a baby in the family . And now I 'm at an age where I care about babies The baby shower on the other hand ? It 's a disaster . And not in a " wow , this is going to be a terrible shower " sort of way , but more in a " what have you done with this ? " sort of way . My uncle 's wife is coordinating everything and instead of going low key ( which is what my cousin wants ) , we 're having a random lunch at this place that is charging us $ 40 / person and she asked my cousin 's husband for money to help cover the costs of this thing . My uncle 's wife invited all these random people that my cousin doesn 't even really know and it 's just spiraled out of control . So - that will be fun on Sunday , right ? This is the last weekend home before I 've got two back to back weekends in Vermont . And then it 's Tessa 's wedding . It 's hard to believe that time is already here . Here 's the thing about my dad - he 's a real dude . That 's the only way to put it . He doesn 't flinch away from pain , he only goes to the doctor when he 's like , dying and getting stitches ? No big deal to him . He takes out his own stitches if he can . He 's hardcore . He 's just … I don 't know . He 's really pretty healthy , considering how hard he works . My dad is a landscaper . He plows snow and delivers wood in the winter . He 's a busy guy and he works himself to the bone , but I know he loves it . My dad had some sort of lump in his neck . The doctor found it during my dad 's physical . Thankfully , my mom works with an endocrinologist , and we were able to get him an appointment right away . They biopsied the lump . As it turns out , my dad has thyroid cancer . It could be worse . It could be much worse . But it 's the C word . My grandpa died of the C word . And it 's terrifying to all of us . But they will remove his thyroid and he 'll ( hopefully ) be okay . I 'm having a hard time with this . Maybe because no matter what has happened to my dad , he 's always been fine . It 's never really required anything major and he bounces back quickly . But having his thyroid removed ? That 's not going to be easy on him and it 's not going to be easy for us . My dad does not take to " bed rest " well . He doesn 't sit still - unless it 's 11 PM and he 's fallen asleep in his chair . He doesn 't ever take time off from work ( save for 1 week in August to go to Cape Cod ) and he 'll never admit defeat . Things will be different around my house for a while . My dad hasn 't told my grandma what 's going on yet - and we haven 't really told anyone outside of my mom and my brother . My dad knows that he needs to tell everyone what 's going on . And I know that no matter how insane my family is ( which is very insane ) , they will pull together and be so supportive that it will be disgusting . I know my uncles will pitch in and my aunts will come to visit and we 'll have everyone we need around us . We 're a family , and we stick together . It 's still scary . Things could still go badly . But we 'll be okay . We always are . And my dad ? He 's one tough dude . This weekend ( I feel like I start every post this way because I do nothing interesting during the week and all my fun goes down after 5 PM on Friday ) , I went back to the house in Vermont . The house in Vermont that I last visited with 21 . The house that has been in my family for years . This house is more than special to me . My grandpa and my uncles built this house . I 've been going up to this house since before I can even remember . We 've had so many weekends at the house . So many vacations . Summer , winter , spring - doesn 't matter . We 've been there . I 've watched the house grow from a tiny little cabin that we could all just barely fit into with one room upstairs filled with bunk beds to a house with a basement . It now has 4 bedrooms and a loft . There 's two bathrooms ( THANK GOD ) and a huge kitchen . The house is meant for us to be there . It 's meant for fun . You hang out there and play Trouble and Sorry all day long . You sit on the deck and drink coffee in the mornings . You stand upstairs in the giant picture window and just take it all in . I 've always been selective about who I bring up to the house . I 've brought up some of my friends ( Karen , you 're next ) , but only my close ones . I spent a wonderful weekend there with my Alfred girls and their mens . The people that I 've brought are the ones that I want to share this place with . It 's beyond words . The second we start driving up the driveway , I feel different . I feel like it 's all good as long as I 'm there . So I brought 21 there . He was ( at the time ) important to me and the house always is important to me . I figured I should let him in on what I consider to be the best place I 've ever been . I took him to the local diner we love . I drove him around Castleton . We laughed at all the books on the shelves . We slept in my favorite room in the house . Then he had to go and decide to not date me anymore . Because that 's how he wanted to be . He left me crying in the driveway . Since then , I don 't cry about him anymore . I really barely even think about him . But that was before this weekend . That was until I saw the last entry in the guestbook was 21 thanking my family for letting us use the house and saying that he hoped he could come up again sometime . I then struggled with where I should sleep that night . Did I sleep in my favorite room because it 's MY favorite room ? Or do I sleep somewhere else , so I don 't get upset that the last time I was in that bed was with 21 ? I slept in my bed in my favorite room . I tried not to think of him . I woke up the next morning and went to the diner with my family . I tried not to think of him . Every little stupid moment that brought 21 back to me , I tried to ignore . It was hard . It was difficult to ignore how I felt . I 've always associated that house with good feelings . But to go back and feel like crying because of it all ? That was unfair . But after all that , I realized something . I 'm not bringing just any boy to that house anymore . It 's just too special to me . The house , the room , the nonsense shit on the walls - all of it means too much to me to share with anyone I 'm not totally crazy for . I know that now . And while I wish I could take back our visit to the HPL , I can 't . I 'm kicking myself for bringing 21 up there in the first place , but how was I to know what would happen less than 2 weeks later ? I 've learned now . I know . 21 has now ruined it for every other guy that I will date . Until I know that the guy I 'm bring up there is just as crazy for me as I am for him ? He 's not invited . It 's girls only at the HPL . I 've been doing a whole lot of thinking lately . Mostly because now I have a whole lot of time . And there 's something that I really wasn 't ready to admit to myself or anyone else until tonight . I was talking with Lilo ( as I do often ) and she mentioned something . I was saying how sad I was about 21 - because I am still sad . It 's hard not to be sad when something that 's great ends . She then said that she knew that I always liked 21 and that was never in question . But she said that I never loved him . And she 's right . I didn 't . The more that I think about it , I don 't know if that passion was there . He was wonderful . He was kind and polite and lovely . I was crazy for him and for a while , he was really crazy for me . But , I don 't think the spark was there for us to fall in love . I was waiting for some sign - any sign - that he was the one . I think when I went to Vermont with 21 , I was waiting for that moment . I was waiting for the moment when we 'd look at each other and I would feel that feeling . Because every time I kissed 21 , while it was great ? It wasn 't like kissing the guy that I loved . It was just nice . But there weren 't butterflies . There was excitement . There were hiney tingles . But never did I think that it was the most perfect kiss in the history of everything . I had to admit that . Out loud . Or on my blog . Whatever . I needed to say in some way or another that I did not love 21 . And I 'm not even sure that 's something I could of done . That 's no fault of my own or of his . He was great . He really was . But he didn 't have everything that I needed . I know that . It was little things . I don 't think that he could have dealt with my family . I don 't know that he would have been as tolerant of Jamie as I would like . He was a little in the dark about how people deal with being depressed . Maybe those last 2 hit me the most . The idea of someone that I cared for really deeply and could see myself with not treating Jamie well tore me apart . It was a passing fear , but I had it . I was seriously worried that while this guy would open doors for me when we went out and make me epic Saturday morning breakfasts , he would treat Jamie like a lesser person . I was scared of that . 21 wasn 't exposed to the same things I was . Hell , I would even go as far to say that he had it easy growing up ( not that I didn 't , but you know , he kind of had everything handed to him ) and I just don 't think he knows how to deal with things . Jamie being one of those things . Him being a dick to Jamie is enough to get him cut out of my life completely . I wouldn 't even think twice about it . When we were up in Vermont , we were watching SNL and they were talking about Charlie Sheen . 21 made a comment that Charlie Sheen is probably bipolar , then said something along the lines of the fact that it 's not that hard to treat people that are bipolar . He looked at me and asked me if I knew anyone that was bipolar and I just stared at him . I didn 't know what to say because telling him about me would have changed things , I think . Telling him about how depressed I was for most of high school and college . Telling him that I dated a guy that treated me like absolute garbage just because I was at such a low point in my life that I didn 't get out . Telling him that I used to be unable to get out of bed in the morning because that was too much for me . That I had so much issues in high school that I don 't even remember half of what I did . Just the idea of telling him that I need a few pills just to keep me from toppling over some edge that I might not see ? I couldn 't do that . And if I couldn 't admit to him the things that I 've faced that make me that person I am today ? How could I tell him anything ? Granted , who I was in high school isn 't who I am now . I 've changed . I 've grown . But that person made me who I am now . I am how I am because of what I 've done and seen and said . To not share that closes off a piece of myself . If I can 't share myself entirely with him , what else would I hide ? There were pieces of myself that I kept hidden . There were things I didn 't say because the timing wasn 't right . Now I wonder if the timing would have ever been right for me to say what I had to . For me to tell him things about myself that I don 't talk about on the internet . I 'm still sad about 21 . I will continue to be for a while because it was good . It was good when we were crazy for each other and couldn 't wait to see each other again . It was wonderful when he used to call me the sweetest names ever and smile when he saw me in the morning . It was fabulous when he used to come and surprise me at work aThe more important thing to remember is that things didn 't work out with 21 for a reason . We 're not together for a reason . I know that the parts of the relationship that needed to be there for us to make it last were missing . That 's okay . It 's okay because this isn 't the end of my story at all . He 's just a small happy chapter - and I 'll be okay with that soon . I 'm extremely lucky that my family is huge and insane and therefore owns this house in Vermont . The house is great - 4 bedrooms , a loft , 2 bathrooms , a giant wrap - around porch and enough entertainment to last for days . I had been talking about going for months now , but 21 and I finally nailed down a date that worked for both of us . I know 21 has been beyond stressed out at work , so I figured a weekend away from all of that would be good for him . Besides , there 's no internet access at the house , so he couldn 't have worked if he wanted to . Also , I would have yelled at him if he did . So instead we had an epic game - off of weekend proportions : Trouble , Bananagrams , Up - Words , Sorry ( but not good Sorry , some weirdo bastardized version ) , Go Fish , War , Old Maid , Apples to Apples and some weirdo game called Zobmondo . ( Zobmondo related aside : This game gives you two really terrible options and then asks you to pick which one is not quite as terrible . Then everyone else that is playing has to figure out which answer you chose . One of the questions was : On a first date , would you rather take a giant poo in your date 's toilet and have it not flush OR vomit in your date 's new car ? The girls all have gone with vomit . The boys went with the poo option . Because of course they did ) We left on Thursday night . It was raining - but not hard . I was a little concerned that the rain would pick up and I would have a meltdown about driving . But the rain was fine and we made pretty good time all the way up there . We stopped in Lake George to get some beer before getting to the house . What good would a roaring fire be without some cold beers to enjoy with it ? We had our beer , made our way to the house … and I 've never been so excited to get someplace as I was when we got to the house . It was so great to be there , to be able to relax and realize that if someone needed me to do something for them … they would have to wait until Sunday . Otherwise , the weekend was filled with doing nothing . We went to a local place for breakfast on Friday morning and drove around the little towns surrounding the house . We read books . We waited for a friend from college and her man to come and visit us . We went to the store , grilled pizzas and drank more beer . We were in our pajamas until about 3 PM on Saturday afternoon . We went out to dinner and then came home and watched Saturday Night Live . We talked . We laughed . We drank . It was one of the most relaxing weekends that I 've had in god knows how long . I didn 't have to be anywhere or answer to anyone . Plus , 21 was there . It was a big weekend for us because it was the longest amount of time that we 've ever spent with each other . We were together non - stop from Thursday at 7 PM until Sunday 7 PM . I never wanted to push him in front of a moving train either . Actually , I think I like him more now . That really says a lot about my feelings for him . I knew that if I wanted him to stop breathing on Sunday that our relationship wouldn 't work . But now it 's Monday and I 'm still wishing we were in Vermont . We 're getting comfortable with each other . We say more and more ridiculous things . I 'm starting to stop even questioning things about him because I trust him . I know this can come back and bite me . But so far - so far , it 's nothing but goodness . I 'm nothing but crazy for him and he 's nothing but wonderful to me . Blog at WordPress . com . • Don 't cry Muffin - tales of a 20 something Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . Post to |
Yeah , I am ahead of schedule . I stayed up working last night , as I knew I would . I am a little obsessive compulsive or , as I like to think of it , I am focused . See all those baskets below ? They were full of craft stuff . I must admit , I was very American last night . I have two large black trash cans , along with four large 33 gallon bags of trash . I threw away years of STUFF . A lot of it I might regret but nothing that can 't be purchased again . I also have bags and bags for Good Will . My studio up north is already filled to the brim . We have no storage and until this house in the valley sells we do not want to build the garage that will give us much needed more room . We already have a huge storage shed rented . Is what it takes when moving from 3300 square feet to 1600 and having had two antique booths that are no longer occupied . I decided last night that I must pretend I am moving , at least every five years , just to go completely through stuff and clean out . Today I will tackle the huge hall closet . After that it is on to the laundry room ( which is also huge . One of the problems is , when I designed this house , storage was a top priority , thus I have plenty of hiding places for stuff , stuff , stuff . Is shameful actually . Anyway , I am pleased to be making progress . The sooner I can get a lot done the sooner I can take a trip to Mystic Paper or / and have a cup of coffee with my dear friend , Kim . How about it , Kim of Sweet Sage Vintage ? Are you free anytime the next few days , for a coffee , or a visit to Mystic with me ? The sun is shining through the door as I took these pictures this morning , not last night . Just a few of the boxes packed up last night . Studio closet that one could hardly see any wall space when the door was opened , as it is in this picture ! The item you see still on the shelf is a dust ruffle . I am leaving it , just in case someone wants to keep the wall paper . Sweet , isn 't it ? This typewriter and the package beside it describe pretty much my feelings about packing up the last 25 years of my life . The tPosted by How does one take a picture of silence ? ! Grandy and Chandler left for Pinetop . I am staying to pack up some more closets . My first action after they left was to crawl back in the bed and take a nap . As I write this I am still in my pajamas and think I will remain in them the rest of the day and evening . My plan is to pack , pack , pack after posting . I know myself . I will be up late working and might even start getting my days and nights a little confused . It is the way I have always been . I haven 't asked my mom if I did this as a baby . Huuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmm - - I am hoping things go well for them . Randy is dropping Chandler off to his MaMa Ria to spend the night . Tomorrow is " our " day again , so Grandy will pick him up from school . I told Chandler he would have to help his grandfather cook while I was gone . Chandler told me they could survive on grilled cheese sandwiches . ( one of the few things Grandy knows how to make ) I promised there was more drama waiting in the wings so I will not disappoint if my soap opera life is entertaining you . One night last week , Ria got a visit from Robert , Amber 's ex - boyfriend . He wanted to let Ria know he did not think Amber should be around Chandler at all . He proceeded to tell her the reason he had kicked Amber out of his house , the first time , shortly after Christmas - was she had pulled out a bag of meth from her pocket . He told Ria that Amber was out bragging the charges against her for ramming his truck were dropped . He said this is not true . They were some word I can 't think of at the moment - - maybe vacated ? Yes , vacated , that 's it . I am not sure what that means . Anyway , the dirt continues . He told Ria that he knew for a fact there was a case against her for a hit and run accident . Said she had been to Absolute Distraction ( her favorite bar - - I actually think the name is a great bar name ! ) and on her way home had hit some teenagers . Seems this event all ties into her taking her car and leaving it parked in a ditch and reporting her car stolen . This incident happened a few weeks agPosted by If you are In Love with my tales of family drama - - - stay tuned . There are acts waiting in the wings . However , I would suggest , if you have the following publication , spending your day perusing the pages . If you do not own it and you like anything to do with love , buy it . I purchased mine at Mystic Paper in downtown Mesa , Arizona but for those of you living elsewhere , I did recently see it at Michaels . It is by far my favorite Somerset publication . Oh Yes - - This is my second post , within minutes of each other , this morning ! ! Cast your burdens upon the Lord and he will sustain thee . Julius SchubringAt the end of a long , hard day , I collapsed on the floor by my bed and began to pray . I felt as if I was going to burst into a million pieces . My head was spinning and my mind was reeling . My soul was tired . As I was praying , the thought came to me . " What do you want , Rozanne ? " I paused and started to ramble about needing this and that . But it came again , " What do you want ? " I stopped and thought . What did I actually want ? I realized in that moment that the only thing I really wanted was a breath . I wanted my mind to stop talking so fast and furiously . I wanted to relax . I wanted to look out my window at the lights and simply enjoy them . I wanted to feel encircled with peace and love . As soon as I had the thought , my mind cleared and I looked at the ceiling . It was gone . The chatter was gone . My ears rang with the sound of quiet . Thank you , Heavenly Father , for an answered prayer . RoThe above is today 's muse by Ro on the scrapgirls . com website . It was not a long one in text but a heavy one in content . As is often the case , it spoke to me . I have had quite a few peaceful and loving moments while in the valley . My hope is you will have many today . Chandler 's Baseball Try Outs Last SaturdayI secretly love base ball - - - but not for the sport ! Chandler is willing to have his hair cut really short so his hair does not interfere with his playing ! The above is one of my packaging products this month . The lollipops are chocolate cherry flavored . I cut out ears from felt and sewed to the bags to make them look like bunnies . I used felt on most of them but I ran out of brown felt so the close up below shows paper ears . This is my other packaging product for April . On the door it says , Come in and smell the scents of the season . There are three candles inside the gable box , one scent for each month . The little yellow sticky is not part of the packaging . My sample , with my business name , was left in Pinetop so I have covered up the name of the client with a piece of yellow sticky . I can 't remember if I posted the first one of these houses I created so I have posted below the winter house . The next one I make will be for July , August and September . Green is my favorite color lately . Chandler is at the golf course with his Grandy . He had his first golf lesson today . We are encouraging sports for him . Tonight we have supper with my parents and then it will be home to see who is leaving American Idol this week . Last night my husband and I thought Adam stole the show for the guys and the 16 year old girl is amazing . I voted for both of them and then I just had to call in for Danny . I have quite the soft spot in my heart for him since his wife died just a week before the try outs . I hope everyone is having a lovely week . It has been good to be in the valley away from Pinetop . I actually might be staying down a few extra days next week . We need to take two cars up so we have more flexibility up there . Since there is still much packing to be done down here I might be staying to get some of it accomplished . I am rather looking forward to some alone time . I know I can accomplish a lot without my boys here ! Smile . I just wanted to share a photo . One of my favorite photo opportunities is of couples kissing . This is the wonderful man with which I share all of my dreams , be they lost or found . Below is the beginning and the closing of Saturday 's muse from the Scrapgirls newsletter . The story in the body of the muse is different from my story , my dream , but as is so often the case , the beginning and the end have much in common . If you would like to read the rest of the muse by Leanne Uwland you will find it here : www . scrapgirls . comScroll down the page until on the left hand side you see information about subscribing to the newsletter . Click on the March 21st sample of previous newsletters and then scroll down till you see the muse . " Now those memories come back to haunt me , they haunt me like a curse , is a dream a lie if it don 't come true or is it something worse ? ( From " The River " by Bruce SpringsteenI can hear those words in the back of my mind sometimes and I wonder about the answer . What are dreams that don 't come true ? Are they a lie or are they truly something worse ? Where do hopes and desires go when they no are no longer possible ? Do they just disappear , fade into the distant past , or do they stay with us , taunting us with visions of what could have been ? " Body of muse here - - - Closing of muse follows : " I know the answer now . After twelve years the answer is all too clear . Dreams never leave us . Hopes and wishes don 't just fade away . They hide in the dark and come out to play when we sleep . Dreams that don 't come true are worse than lies . They leave a hole in your heart and slowly eat away at your soul . These lost dreams defy all explanation . They draw their source not from logic or reason , but from emotion and feeling . They crowd your thoughts until at times there is room for nothing else . They remain as a silent whisper of what could have been . " Luckily mine do not come out to play when I sleep . Sleep gives me a break . Some of my most creative thoughts come when I am falling asleep or awakening . It is why my business is Posted by Sometimes I do better when writing in list form because I am such a detail person - - - tend to want to write every he said , she said , and so forth and so on . Guess this is because I want to hear every single word of a movie and read every single word of a book I am reading . So , with that being said , because there was much drama yesterday , I will try the list approach . I am not promising this will work , you understand ! 1 . Phone Call from the lady I bought back my hall tree from . Seems she was mistaken about the $ 350 . 00 price . I owe her 50 more dollars . After a hurtful and painful conversation with her ( not about the hall tree ) about my daughter and her " wisdom " , I am putting a check in the mail to her so I do not have to be subject to seeing her again . I did get my chance to kindly tell her were the situation reversed I could not imagine enjoying a piece of furniture in my home knowing the circumstances under which it was purchased . This is referencing my ice box she would not sell me back . Funny , after dealing with her , I don 't think I even want to buy it back . I think looking at it would conger up visions of her and her well meaning but hurtful , uneducated , " Christian " ( her word ) banter . It amazes me how a person can meet someone , know nothing about the person , and decide that the person does not have the where with all to deal appropriately . I , again , did let her know her attitude was offensive to me but I did know we both had our own relationship with God and that was a blessing . Thank you very much - - - ( I did not say thank you very much to her - - - - that was strictly just out of my mouth and heart for this post ! Smile . ) Not doing too well with just listing , am I ? Another Smile . Let us try again . 2 . Daughter denied STILL , to Ria ( my grandson 's other mom - - - - know this is confusing since I have not spoken before of this part of my daughter 's lifestyle . Anyway , we are close to Ria , which for Chandler , is a blessing . ) that she sold the hall tree . Insisted that Robert ( man she has been involved with ) took it to the dumpPosted by After this morning 's sad and serious post , I thought it might be nice to end the day with a little frivolity . Much happier reading , don 't you think ? I figure it is the way of life , some sad , but most of the time , happy triumphs in the end . And so I am sharing pictures of my creations this past week . For sometime now I have wanted a cute camera and computer bag . I created the computer bag with a vintage quilt and new and old vintage crochet pieces . When I finished it I wanted to forge ahead to creating a camera bag . I got my ugly black camera bag out , to look at how it was constructed and get a basic plan for my bag . Upon looking at it , I decided I needed to use foam padding as a base instead of the quilt batting I had with me here in Pinetop . I was really in the mood to work on this so for a few minutes I was bummed that I was not in the valley of the sun so I could run out and purchase what I needed to proceed . As I was taking pictures of the computer bag , my eyes traveled to the love seat recently placed in my studio - - you know the one . I blogged about it a couple of posts ago . Well , it hit me . Slip Cover . I could simply make a slip cover for the ugly black case and I could start the project immediately . Thus all the pictures below . First you will see the camera case . I used new and vintage items to make it . I sewed two strips of the printed twill tape together to make the shoulder strap . I thought this twill had a very appropriate saying as aren 't living , laughing and loving what we all are recording when we take our photos ? ! I must tell you honestly , I loved how it turned out . Smile . The second set of pictures is of the new computer bag . I put a large pocket on the outside and the inside of the bag . I also put smaller pockets on the inside made out of a piece of vintage crocheted bedspread . The pictures shown are of both the outside and the bag turned inside out . I just adore saving old linens and reinventing a purpose for them ! May we always , eventually , turn our sorrows into a path of joy . It isn 't always easCeCe Pretty , Isn 't it ? And for $ 350 . one would think it was a steal , huh ? Well , in a way , I guess it was . I love antiques . For 42 years I have been collecting them . Over the last fifteen years I have slowly given my daughter some of my treasures . I gave her these with the understanding they were family items to remain in the family . If she was ever tired of something then I was to be consulted before it was sold or gotten rid of . The above hall tree was not one of those items . This piece was just being stored in her front sun porch for us until we enclosed our porch or built the garage with rooms above . She begged me to keep it on her porch . I made it VERY clear it was not to remain at her house . " Promise , mom . I won 't make you feel guilty taking it back . I am just storing it for you . " My favorite Aunt Loree , ( think I have spoken of her before on my blog ) pulled the hall tree out of her next door neighbor 's trash , in Spartanburg S . C . over 32 years ago , for me . One of the feet had been chewed off by rats . No telling where it had been before it was finally being thrown away . My Aunt asked the neighbors if it was alright for her to keep it . Of course they said yes . I paid to have it shipped here , then paid to have it restored , new foot and all . Sometime in January or early February , don 't remember when now , my heart skipped a beat when we were picking up Chandler . I noticed the hall tree was not on the porch . I looked at Randy with panic in my eyes . When Chandler came out my husband hollered inside for Amber . He asked her about it and she said not to worry , it was in the garage . The weather was bad so we let it go . My heart was weary though and later Randy and I talked and understood it was most likely gone . Still - - - - - hope . Some weeks later we were picking Chandler up again . His mom was not home . Chandler was alone . Randy and I searched through all the rooms in her garage - - - no hall tree . Later that evening Randy talked to Amber . Instead of confronting tell her he told her we wanted to pick up the hall tree knowing full welPosted by Randy left about one yesterday for the golf course . He picked Chandler up after school and took him to the golf course to practice . Chandler actually chipped a ball in with one try . He had good luck a day early . We celebrated his " hole in one " , as he calls , it with a toast at supper . Anyway , this outing meant I had the house all to myself for six hours yesterday . Lovely , just lovely . I took a nap on my love seat in my studio that just got placed there this weekend After my nap and a cup of tea I started working on a computer bag for my laptop using vintage fabric and embellishments . Why is it when one is in pain and unhappy that time tends to stay still and when one is creating time evaporates ? At six ten the boys arrived home and I was still upstairs sewing . Oops - - - had not started the fried chicken for supper . Randy helped me while Chandler proceeded to make a Saint Patrick 's day hat out of construction paper . He is wearing green EVERYTHING , right down to underwear tomorrow . Each class is having a contest for the person wearing the most green . I cannot imagine that he will not win . I am even die cutting a green shamrock for him to put through his earring . ( yes , he has an earring and I hate it ! - - I am just too old . ) I will be cooking the traditional corned beef and cabbage along with Irish Soda Bread for supper tonight . During the day though I will be working on my computer bag . Can 't wait to show you pictures of it . Happy Saint Patrick 's Day ! This is my favorite thing that was accomplished over the weekend . The couch has been sitting on the deck for almost two weeks now . The reason - - - - it had to be hoisted up over the balcony upstairs to be placed in my studio . It would not go up the stairs and through the doorway opening . Luckily , when we awoke from a nap , we found worker bees in our front yard raking up all the pine needles . Now understand , we did not ask these workers to do this . We had this crew do the clean up work last year but had not asked them to do it again . Great way to get a job I guess . Anyway , my husband went out and negotiated with the head guy . Helping him get my love seat lifted up to my room was part of the negotiations . I was thrilled . The other accomplishment was placing my wonderful seasonal watercolors my friend , Suzanne , painted for me , in this old window . My husband gave me the vintage watering can on our " tin " anniversary . It was quite the thoughtful surprise at the time . Years later Suzanne painted the pictures for me . I used to change out the flowers for the seasons . The window is not hung in this picture but I plan to hang it as soon as I finish this post . Journal Cover for all the cute or naughty things the new boy in town , Ezra J . Scott will say as he grows to be a man . I printed his picture on muslin and used The Joy of a Little Boy saying by Crafty Secrets . I then sewed this on chenille and then pulled the threads on all the edges to create fringe . I then created a cover for a composition book to be used for the journal . Below are pictures of the story book I made for Suzanne 's newest grandson , Ezra . It starts with the cover Once Upon A Time . The back cover ends with Happily Ever After . Each page has text for which the family will add pictures . Hopefully , some day Ezra will enjoy looking at the book of how things were when he was born . Much of the book uses stamps , stickers , and product from Crafty Secrets . You can see all there products at craftysecrets I also used Tim Holtz 's tickets . I made the book using four paper sacks . I used large tags in the pockets and also used vintage alphabet cards to spell EZRA , with one card in each sack . I also used printed twill tape and ribbon from my stash . All the other ribbons , paper , crafty secret items and the Tim Holtz tickets came from Mystic Paper in downtown Mesa , AZ . I also made one of these books for Suzanne 's other soon to be here grandson , Luke . A few of the pages are different to go with Luke 's family . He is lucky because he will have an older brother and sister to look after him as he grows . These were fun projects for me and I was so pleased to be using some of the many eye candy items I have been purchasing lately when in the valley ! I think since I want to personalize the journal for Luke 's family I will wait until he is born to send the packages . I want both families to get them at the same time . Luke is due any day and they both live in the same town . I also want to get a picture of Luke with his big brother , Noah , and his big sister , Shelby . I will use it on the cover so the parents can use the journal for all the fun things these precious children say . Happy Weekend ! Inside of Journal |
" TOO hot . " Matthew flopped flat again with an elequent groan . " About all I want to do is put the garden sprinkler on and LIE under it . " Matthew looked over at him . Todd sat up , already stripping off his shirt . " Come on . I don 't think Steve 'll mind us watering the garden this afternoon , it 'll save us a job this evening . " " Yeah . Sprinkler is here , " Todd said , pulling it off the wall . He went back to the hose and screwed it on , setting it just out of reach of the house . He then removed his shoes , leaving them on the porch . Matthew had his shirt and shoes off , stacked next to Todd 's shirt . " Ready , " Matthew replied , stepping out into the sun . " YEOW ! " he yelled as the cool water hit his hot flesh . It took only a moment for him to get used to it , as Todd walked down and grimaced as it hit him for the first time as well . THAT was fine for approximately five minutes . It was Matthew who first spotted the frog , abandoning the blank heat of the pond for the refreshing splash of fresh water and making a beeline for them . He watched for a moment , enjoying the slow , undramatic hops and strolls of long green legs as the frog reached the water and settled under the steady rain . When the third frog joined it , and one got perilously close to Todd 's stomach , Todd got hurriedly to his feet and retreated . And laughed , levelling a finger at Matthew who 'd turned to look at him . " I don 't mind the wildlife , just from a distance . " Todd brushed water drops from his face and pushed his damp hair back . " It 's cooler though . Want to try moving the sprinkler ? " " And be chased by more frogs ? I don 't think so . " Matthew gave the wildlife a baleful look . " What 's wrong with the pond anyway ? " Matthew waited a moment , then went back towards the shed when Todd carried the sprinkler head in . He again picked up the bug spray , then spotted the long - handled lighter used for lighting the grill . He thought he 'd give Todd a scare . Stepping out of the shed , he flicked the lighter on until he had a steady flame , then pressed the button down on the bug spray . Bringing the bug spray over the flame , it erupted into a mini flame thrower . " Blow it out your - " Matthew lit the cannister again , grinning as Todd jumped back from the tongue of flame . The can quickly exhausted it 's contents and Matthew tossed it into a box of rubbish on the shed floor , reaching to flick through the other cans . Todd followed him , peering as he tried another with the lighter . " I wouldn 't doubt it , dumbass , " Todd returned , laughing . " I 've never lit gas by itself . Doesn 't it explode ? " " Yes , it does . The hair on the back of my hand got shortened by half as I was too close . But I bet if we put a little gas down , then lit one of the cans to light the gas we 'd be far enough away . " " No , " Todd conceded as Matthew looked around for something to help with his experiment . His eyes settled on the recycling bin where he found an empty can , which he tossed to Todd . " Pour some gas in there while I figure out which can we need to light it with . " Todd grabbed the gas can and headed to the side of the shed with it . He poured just a tiny amount of gas into the can , then decided that it wasn 't enough . On the second pour more gas came out than he meant . He ended up with a half can full . Todd looked around , then put it down on a stone slab , a good couple of yards from the shed . Matthew shook the can , took the lighter out of his pocket and lit the jet . The flare was better than on the bug spray , and Todd grinned in spite of himself . Matthew crouched , holding the bug spray at arms length , lit the lighter - and the tongue of flame shot straight into the can 's contents . The reaction was a second or two delayed . Initially there was a swell of blue fire and the heavy breath sound of fire raising , then came the bang and Matthew leapt back out of the way . The can detonated and flew backwards in a jet propelled arc , straight into the open doorway of the shed , and the rush of flame this time was feet rather than inches high . He ducked into the shed and flung the sack onto the can , pulling it back out of the door . He belatedly realized that the can was no longer on fire ; instead , the wooden workbench had flames running along the bottom of it , licking up the side of the shed . He spotted the lawnmower next to the workbench and worked on pulling that out , coughing on the thick black smoke that was now starting to fill up the tiny building . Matthew felt the hose jump in his hands and took a step nearer , raising a hand to shield his face even as he aimed the water . The shed was blazing now , he could dimly see through the smoke the flames turning a darker orange and starting to melt the plastic casings around the window . Something else exploded inside and the shed window shattered . Todd stood where he was for a moment , watching in horror , his eyes starting to stream from smoke and shock , coughing like Matthew as the smoke rolled out in thickening waves . The water was making no difference whatsoever . Matthew was playing it everywhere he could see flames but it wasn 't reducing the fire in any way , shape or form . " It 'll burn down if we leave it ! " Matthew snapped back . They both jumped as another loud crack signalled something else inside giving way . Todd hauled at his arm , coughing . Todd tried to pull Matthew back again , but gave up knowing he had to get the brigade started . He dashed into the house and ripped the phone off the hook , having then to chase it across the kitchen floor . " Damnit ! " he yelled , finally grabbing it and punching in 911 . His breathless request for help was met with a calmness that did nothing to help Todd . He sprinted back over to the window to make sure Matthew wasn 't on fire yet himself . Todd tossed the phone down on the table and ran back out to try to get Matthew back before something else exploded . The flames were now coming through the roof in several places . Matthew felt blasted by the heat but doggedly tried to put out what fire he could with the hose , desparate to save anything that he could from the building . He backed up a step or two as he was racked with coughs from the heat and smoke . Todd 's yank on his pants caught him completely by surprise and he found himself face down in the grass , several feet away . His coughing continued , so all he could do was try to scramble to keep up with Todd who was pulling him by the arms and the waistband of his pants . Todd finally let him collapse on the lawn , his coughing subsiding somewhat . From there , there was very little else they could do except sit and watch . And both jumped , ducking instinctively as the shed roof collapsed inward . From the direction of the street , Todd heard a hammering at the front door and a woman 's voice , raised and urgent . Matthew looked at Todd , who bit his lip . Mrs Walker was nothing if not eager to help anyone in the street who might be doing anything gossip worthy . Right now the last thing he wanted to do was deal with her . Matthew shook his head hard , still coughing . " Are you okay ? " Todd said a little shakily . Matthew nodded , still coughing . He was asthmatic : Todd knew that vaguely without really knowing what it meant , he 'd never seen any evidence of it , just knew Rolf worried about it and tended to keep Matthew away from any situation likely to trigger it . He 'd probably go loopy if he could see him now . Thoughts of Stephen and Rolf were forgotten about as the siren 's approaching wail reached them . Todd jumped up , nearly falling over again in his haste to open the side gate . Mrs . Walker was the first one through . " Todd ? Are you alright ? What happened ? " she asked , brushing some dirt from Todd 's shoulder . He stood , dumbfounded , thankfully spared an answer as the first fireman came jogging through the gate . " Everyone alright ? " the fireman asked , taking a moment to eye Todd critically . " His home isn 't burning down . " Matthew said grimly , lifting his head . Todd winced , recognising the tone , and shook his head hard at him , more with pleading than anything else . The fireman made short work of the blaze , putting it out quickly . They went ahead and tore down the walls to prevent any injuries , as the building and contents were a total loss , except the lawnmower that sat alone a few feet away . A couple of guys that were on a hose came over to check out Matthew and Todd , saving Todd having to referree an argument . Todd swallowed hard , not wanting to answer the officer 's question . Knowing they 'd have to put it in the report , he spoke . " We tried to light a can , outside , " Todd said quickly . " Something happened and it flew into the building and there was just nothing we could do , " Todd finished , wanting to knock Mrs . Walker into next week for all the tutting she was doing . " No ! " Matthew said quickly . " I 'm fine . I 'll BE fine , it was just a little smoke , " he said , holding out his arm so the fireman could take his blood pressure . " Alright , but at least come out to the truck and let me give you some oxygen to help clear out what we can of your lungs , " he said , snapping off the blood pressure cuff . Matthew shook his head , still coughing . " I 'm ok , I don 't need them . This isn 't bad at all , I 'll be fine . " " NO . " Matthew moved away from the fireman politely but with enough decision that the man backed off . " Really , I 'm fine . There 's no harm done . " The fireman hesitated , but Matthew walked away , towards the house . Todd folded his arms more tightly and gave the fireman a wry smile . " I don 't think his asthma 's ever BAD - " " Just keep an eye on him then . " The fireman put away his kit and straightened up . The shed was out - no longer blazing , just smoking sadly , a blackened and misshapen ruin . Another fireman joined them , giving Todd a brief nod . " It 's out . It 'll probably smoke for a few hours more but it won 't reignite . You should probably leave it at least 24 hours before you touch anything , just to be safe . How did it start ? " " Fire isn 't something to play with , ever . You 're lucky that you 've both escaped serious injury , and that the shed was the only building involved . Keep an eye on your friend , and if either of you have any problems whatsoever , get yourself over to the emergency room to get checked out . And stay away from fire in the future . " Todd flushed darker , hearing the authority in the fireman 's voice , and seeing the sterness upon his face . " Yes , sir , " Todd managed , as the fireman turned to leave . He heard Mrs . Walker thanking the fireman and rolled his eyes . He just hoped she 'd follow them out . Todd tensed as Matthew turned towards her , and immediately grabbed his hand and pulled him forcefully towards the back door , talking over his shoulder as he went . " Thank you Mrs . Walker . We 're going in to clean up and rest , and I 'll make sure Stephen 's aware , thank you . " To his relief , she didn 't try to follow them inside . Todd shut the door after Matthew and leaned against it , hearing the side gate shut firmly as the last fireman left . A minute later the truck started in the street and the engine moved slowly out of hearing . Todd met Matthew 's eyes and for a moment they looked at each other . " What the hell else do we do ? It 's not like we can bury the shed and Steve will forget it ever existed ! " Todd spat back . " You don 't have to feed us RIGHT to the lions ! " Matthew said just as hotly . There was another , nasty silence while they considered the facts . Matthew hadn 't considered his first impulse , which was simply to get as far away from this mess as was possible and hope it just somehow never got noticed . Todd was right - this WAS going to come to light and fairly soon , and Matthew wasn 't about to leave him to deal with that alone . On the other hand - there was no need to hurry fate along . Rolf , Matthew knew very well with a sinking feeling that was rapidly equating drowning , was going to be very , VERY unhappy when he heard about this . Unhappy was going to be an understatement . Right now anything that delayed the moment when he actually had to see Rolf and the expression on his face when he heard , was to Matthew a GOOD idea . Matthew looked down at himself , water having made rivulets of soot down his legs . His shirt was still outside somewhere , but he knew he couldn 't just sit here . " Come on , we just need to think through this and I can 't do it here . " Todd stood still , knowing deep down that running wasn 't going to help . But the look of sheer panic in Matthew 's eyes made him grab his keys and follow Matthew out to his own car , sliding into the frontseat without regard to wetness or dirtyness . He pulled out of the driveway and headed down the street . " I don 't know . Maybe the park . I don 't think we 'd get into the mall looking like this . God , Todd , I didn 't mean for that to happen . Who 'd have thought the can would shoot off like that ? " Todd stifled a retort that it was a risk they 'd BOTH been taking and that Matthew had been the one stupid enough to play with cans anyway - but in all fairness he 'd done nothing to stop him , nothing to say he dissented in any way . He drove somewhat blindly , trying to stop his immediate urge which was to go straight to Steve - for comfort as much as for anything else . He wouldn 't be happy but at least he would KNOW , and from there on things at least would move to a resolution quickly , Stephen , even Stephen cross , was still the most reassuring and competent person Todd knew in a crisis . " It WASN ' T my fault , I didn 't mean for anything to burn , it was well away from the shed - we weren 't in any danger , it was just an accident . A freak accident . Accidents happen . " " NO ! Rolf will KILL me , and I am in no way , shape or form , interested in that solution right now . Just go to the damned park and let me think . Maybe we can buy a replacement building , " Matthew said , reaching for anything that sounded like a fix to the situation . " I SAID , I 'd go talk to Stephen ! And I think I will ! " Todd said , taking a right onto a street that would lead him directly to Steve 's bar . Todd slowed the car but didn 't stop . Matthew was louder , bigger , with more personality than Todd knew he could muster on his best day , it was never easy to stand up against him or Mike or even Chris when they had their minds fixed on something - and none of those three would appreciate or approve of what he wanted right now , but Todd was past being interested . There was a smouldering ruin in their yard , the fire brigade had had to visit their home , and Stephen had a right and a need to know about it - apart from which Todd knew very well , not he or Matthew either was going to feel at all better about this until Stephen and Rolf were told . And Todd for one had no intention of delaying this any further - nor letting Matthew 's panic wind him up any higher . " Matt this is SILLY . What are we going to do ? Run around town all afternoon getting more and more upset ? Hope no one sees ? Going to make Rolf come look for you ? " I don 't KNOW ! " Matthew spat . He saw the restaurant come into view and his stomach was trying to find a way out of his body . " Come on , let 's just go back to the house . Drop me off at my house , it 's not that far . " " No ! You can walk home if you want , but I 'm going in to talk to Stephen , " Todd said , pulling into the back of the parking lot and pulling into a parking space . " He needs to know , " Todd said , looking at Matthew . " NO ! " Matthew spat , flopping into the corner of the front seat . He went to say something else but the door was slammed shut and he saw Todd walking into the bar . " Son of a bitch ! " Matthew said , slamming his hands down on the dashboard . He was stuck in the parking lot with no where to go . Panic overcoming all else , he grabbed out his cell phone from his pocket and quickly dialed Mike 's number to see if he could get a ride . He didn 't actually intend on getting Matthew into any more trouble than he could help , it wasn 't nice to be doing this without Matthew wanting to - but the sight of Stephen at the end of the bar overwhelmed all other thought as soon as Todd saw him . Thankfully he headed across , threading his way through customers to Stephen 's part of the bar . Stephen didn 't look up for a moment and when he did his initial blink of recognition rapidly became alarm as he saw the soot and water stains . He came around the edge of the bar , took Todd 's arm and steered him through into the back corridor , shutting the door behind them before he grabbed Todd 's arms . Todd swallowed hard . This was the part that was going to be ugly , but he was too upset to think through the best way to say it . " Matthew and I tried to light a can of gas , and it exploded . We didn 't mean - " " Shhhh , shhh . It 's okay , " Stephen said , trying to calm Todd down now that the initial shock had warn off . " Todd , where 's Matthew ? " Steve asked , pushing Todd away from him where he could see his face . He 'd not heard anything about him and now worried that Matthew was injured . Todd nodded . " The fireman was worried about Matthew 's asthma , he inhaled smoke , but Matthew wouldn 't go get checked out . He 's okay though , " Todd added hurriedly , seeing the concern in Stephen 's face . " Come here , " Stephen said , taking Todd 's hand . He directed him to stack of boxes and let Todd sit down . " I 'm going to get Matthew , wait for me here . " Todd subsided on the boxes , relieved now it was out but still in tears . Stephen put a hand on his head but moved swiftly past him , heading for the carpark at a near jog . His junior manager glanced up , surprised and Stephen turned to hold her gaze . " Just find someone to help with the bar , I 'm sorry . " Stephen let the doors swing shut behind him and headed across the carpark towards Todd 's car . Matthew was still on the phone inside , hunched in the corner of the passenger seat and clearly in mid argument . It was equally clearly from his tone , not with Rolf . Stephen opened the door and took the phone out of his hand , holding it to his own ear . He clicked off and pocketed it , looking down at Matthew who looked somewhere between defiant and terrified . And pale . Stephen put a hand on his arm and pulled him up and out of the car . " FINE . " Matthew tore his arm out of Stephen 's grasp , tone anything but conciliatory . After the shock to his nerves and the knowledge of Todd inside and very far from okay , Stephen 's patience slipped abruptly . He grabbed Matthew 's arm again without thinking , swung him around and swatted him , several times and extremely soundly . " Don 't you DARE disrespect me in that manner again , " Stephen said in a tone of voice Matthew hadn 't heard before . Stephen turned Matthew to face him . " Is that clear ? " Not letting go of Matthew , Steve unlocked the door and opened it . " Todd , come here , please . Go get in the truck , back seat please . " " There is absolutely no way I 'm taking someone else 's brat to hospital without letting his partner know . " Stephen said curtly . " Call , right now . " That was the end of it . Matthew leaned against the truck , hands shaking , tears overflowing , and found speed dial for Rolf 's number . He handed it over as soon as it started to ring and Stephen took it , resting a hand on the back of Matthew 's neck . It was answered promptly and somewhat curtly . " It 's a long story , which I 've yet to hear , though I know it involved my shed , the fire brigade , and Matthew and Todd . He was checked briefly over by a fireman , but I 'd like to confirm his condition by a trip to the ER . When I 'm finished there , we 're going back to my house to get to the bottom of this story . If you 'd like to come over after your meeting - " Matthew did as he was told , curling up against the door . Stephen started the engine , glancing back to Todd in the rearview mirror . " Are YOU okay ? Did either of you get any burns at all ? What did the fire crew say ? " " They tried to talk us into going to the ER . " Todd said when Matthew showed no sign of answering . " And to get Matthew on oxygen for a few minutes - " There was an awkward silence . Then Matthew spoke , wearily . " I did . I was messing around with cans , if you light the jet it shoots out like a flame thrower - we had them well away from the shed . " Neither of the boys answered him . Stephen said nothing else for the rest of the trip into town , found a parking space outside the ER and sent Todd to sort out parking fees , taking Matthew with him to the front desk . A few words had a triage nurse come straight to them and Stephen answered what questions he could regarding what he knew of Matthew 's asthma as Matthew seemed increasingly un talkative . Whether from shock , misery or smoke inhalation Stephen didn 't know . By the time Todd arrived Matthew had been taken , silent and apprehensive , through to an exam room and there was nothing else Stephen could do except take a seat with Todd and wait . " He was pretty upset apart from anything else . He was pale but I really don 't think he was in any danger . The fire crew said he should be checked out as a precaution . " " They 're doing some blood gas tests and a basic exam , they said they 'd get back to us soon . " Stephen said gently . " They didn 't seem worried . " Rolf spotted Matthew first , lying on his back in a bed , an oxygen mask hooked up to his face , and several bandaids across his arm where they 'd evidently drawn blood . He saw Matthew turn towards him , worried he was a doctor . The mask came off and Rolf barely got to the side of the bed to prevent Matthew leaving it , his arms winding tightly around his waist . Rolf hugged him a moment longer , then pushed him back down . " They 've got you on oxygen for a reason , let 's get it back on you . No , lie down , " Rolf said , getting the mask back in place . That was a good option . Matthew lay where he was , keeping hold of Rolf 's hand , more than slightly tempted to play for all the sympathy he could get here . Right now it wasn 't difficult to feel at all pathetic . " Standard precautions as you would for an attack , he 'll be a little more prone for a few hours . Avoid temperature extremes , steam , exertion , no jogging or hot baths tonight , have a quiet evening and take the meds if you feel wheezy . Any problems come straight back , but the peak flow is good . " " Thankyou . " Rolf picked up his own jacket , holding it for Matthew to shoulder into to cover what was left of smoke and scorch marks across his chest . The doctor nodded and led the way out into the corridor . Stephen and Todd both got up in the waiting area , looking openly relieved at the sight of Matthew on his feet and unharmed . " Everything okay ? " Stephen asked Rolf as they got close enough . Matthew was trying to melt into Rolf 's side , and keeping his eyes well short of either Todd or Stephen . " Yes , thank you . Glad SOMEONE had the foresight to get him checked out , " Rolf replied , squeezing Matthew 's side . " Shall we go see what the damage is ? " " I think that sounds like a good idea . I , for one , would like to know the entire story , " Stephen said , steering Todd out of the hospital . " I 'll see you in five minutes . " Rolf helped Matthew over to his own truck , getting him settled in the front seat . Matthew again curled up against the passenger side door , in no hurry to get back to the scene of the crime . When they pulled into the driveway , the strong smell of smoke could still be detected . He only got out of the truck at Rolf 's urging , still not wanting to meet anyone 's eyes . Rolf took firm hold of his hand , following Stephen to the side gate and into the back garden . Both he and Stephen stood still for a moment , shaken by the sight of the pile of smoking , blackened timber still smouldering in the garden . The lawn around it was wet and blackened , and several of the flowerbeds were damaged from the strength behind the firehose jets . It looked even worse in the cold light of day than Matthew remembered . Todd was staring at it with clear distress . " Lighting the gas jets from cans apparently . Then someone had the bright idea of filling a can with gas and lighting it with a lit gas jet from a weed killer can . Not surprisingly the gas can exploded , flew back into the shed and set fire to it . " " I don 't knoooooooooooowwww ! " Matthew said , beyond caring what anyone else thought . He tried to bury himself in Rolf 's side , the sobs overtaking him . Rolf held him away , one arm on each shoulder . " Look at me . " " I warned you last year when you lit that can of gas and scorched your hand of exactly what I 'd do if you ever did it again . And now you not only do the exact same thing again , you add a NEW variation on it and do it near someone else 's property ! You owe an apology to Steve and Todd . " " I am ashamed of you . Really ashamed . I 'd expect this type of behavior from young boys , but not from you . EITHER of you , " Stephen admitted , taking in his own young lover . You could have been injured far worse . What if that can had flown towards you ? Would you be happy in the hospital , burned to a crisp ? Would you be happy knowing you could have damaged not just my shed , but my home , a neighbor 's home ? " " HOW ridiculous is it that Rolf and I now have to wonder if you two are SAFE to be home alone ? Two grown men with no more basic fire sense than kids . I WILL say , unless I am home , until I KNOW for a fact I can trust you , Todd you may not have anyone else in the house with you . I clearly can 't trust the two of you here alone together and right now I don 't feel much inclined to trust you with anyone else here either . " He tapped Matthew 's shoulders under his hands . " I think I 'm going to take Matthew home , we need to be careful for this evening . I WILL bring him back in the morning to help clear up this mess and to repair the damage in any way you 'd like Stephen . If you 're happy to have him on the premises , I will come with him and supervise . " Stephen nodded quiet thanks . Rolf looked pointedly at Matthew who cleared his throat , trying to find a voice . " I 'm so sorry Stephen . Todd . " Matthew went where he was taken , through the side gate and back to the car . Rolf waited for him to buckle up , sitting with his hands on the steering wheel . Once Matthew had the belt in place he said quietly and sternly , " I agree with every word Stephen said . I 'm ashamed of you too , how DARE you play such stupid games on someone else 's property ? HAVE I had to speak to you before about messing around with fire ? HAVE I had to spank you before for setting light to gasoline ? " Rolf was very glad the ride home wasn 't long , as listening to Matthew cry hurt him greatly . He parked and helped his partner from the car , walking him into the kitchen , past the cats that were clamoring for attention , and straight upstairs to their room . He quickly drew a lukewarm bath while Matthew quietly sobbed on the toilet seat lid , not fighting anything that Rolf did . Matthew 's tears finally ran out while he was being bathed by Rolf . What was usually a soft and sensual experience for him was barely felt , his mind on how badly he felt that Rolf was disappointed in him . Rolf wasn 't being mean , nor stern in any way , and that only made it seem worse . After the final rinse , he found himself sitting on the side of the bed , trying to stop sniffling long enough to take the inhaler that Rolf was trying to hand him . " Lie down and rest . I 'll bring dinner up to you later , " Rolf said holding the covers up . Matthew slid in , not even caring that it was still light outside . Hiding under the covers sounded like a great idea right now . Todd fled . Upstairs he caught sight of himself in the mirror and realised his face was blackened with smoke , his clothes were filthy . He peeled them off and pushed them into the laundry basket , struggling with tears now of pure apprehension and distress . Rolf had been clearly furious . STEPHEN was clearly furious . Todd was by nature a fairly law abiding soul , this was easily the worst thing he 'd ever done . Somehow he managed to get cleaned off , though he spent half his time picking things up off the bottom of the shower where he kept dropping them . Turning off the water he carefully pulled back the curtain , not sure whether he was happy or not that Stephen wasn 't waiting right there for him . He pulled the towel off the rack and dried himself quickly , doing what he could to stop the tears that kept threatening to overwhelm him . Images of Stephen 's face , and Rolf 's yells kept flying around his head , his thoughts in total turmoil . He slowly hung his towel on the rack , and opened the door to their bedroom . He started to breathe easier , until his eyes took in the full room . Stephen was propped up against the dresser , looking very forbidding . Stephen looked very unusually grim and he hadn 't moved . Todd met his eyes for a moment , then stared hard at the floor , tears overflowing again . Stephen stood for a second or two , torn between a decision that he HAD to make absolutely sure he made a strong impression and awareness of Todd 's total panic and misery at this moment . Then he went quietly to sit beside Todd and Todd buried his head in Stephen 's lap . Stephen stroked his hair , holding him closely . Todd knew perfectly well what he 'd done wrong , he was more shaken and self blaming now than was at all good for him . And Stephen knew perfectly well at this moment this punishment was more about setting limits on Todd 's guilt as instilling a clear reminder about the consequences of playing with fire . He thought it very likely that for the rest of his life Todd was going to see that blackened heap of timber every time he saw a naked flame . He didn 't repeat himself , just waited . Slowly , Todd peeled himself upright , still shaking with sobs . Stephen put a hand on his face and smoothed his hair back , talking softly and firmly . " You do NOT , ever , do anything so stupid again . I know Matthew 's propensities for playing with fire , I know too that you have a lot more sense - what I DO expect is that you STOP him when he begins that kind of messing around , you don 't stand as an audience and join in . Is that clear ? " " Look at me , " Steve said gently . Seeing the distress in his partner 's face was hard . " I know you didn 't intend for any of this to happen . It wasn 't premeditated , it wasn 't even thought through . It IS , however , a very dangerous mistake you made . It 's a mistake , and there are consequences for this mistake . Once that 's over with , the slate is wiped clean . " Todd managed to keep eye contact . He didn 't see anger in his partner 's face . It was straightforward and simple fact . He 'd made a mistake and he 'd be punished for it , but there wouldn 't be any lingering feelings of anger or sadness or regret for having him as a partner . " I 'm sorry , " Todd said simply . " I know . It was a very dumb , and dangerous game you were playing . As I said outside , until I can trust you alone , you 'll have no one in this house unless I 'm here . You 're grounded for two weeks . You 'll go nowhere without my permission , period . Tomorrow , you and Matthew will work on putting up our next shed , and then you 'll spend the next two weeks tending to the plants and grass that have been destroyed by today 's events . " That wasn 't good news , but it was pretty much what Todd had expected and the blunt fairness of it was in an odd way comforting . There were limits placed on what had happened , a language they both understood and were familiar with , and there was nothing worse in Stephen 's voice than just firmness . Todd nodded . Stephen gave him a careful look , seeing the look of fragmentation starting to dissipate . What came next was harder . It was very rare for Todd to merit more than an occasional spanking : mostly lines and brief grounding was more than enough . Stephen got up and started to unbuckle his belt , well aware of Todd 's eyes filling immediately in response . He didn 't say anything . Stephen doubled the belt over in his hand , once more took a seat on the side of the bed and took Todd 's hand . Todd got up slowly and went where Stephen led him , tears starting to fall . " I know you didn 't . " Stephen said quietly . " But that was a very dangerous act , and I want to be sure that you remember well that it 's not going to be repeated . Not if . Not maybe . I mean , not EVER . " Stephen kept firm hold of Todd 's hand , but didn 't pull any harder . " Don 't make this any harder than it has to be . Todd ? " Todd quit pulling , and allowed himself to be guided down across his partner 's thighs . He knew that Stephen would never injure him , but he DID know that the belt was going to seriously hurt . As soon as he tipped forward enough to lose his footing , he grabbed the bed and tried to turn around to change Stephen 's mind . " It was dangerous . " Stephen raised the folded belt , holding Todd tightly where he was over his lap and brought it down hard across his upraised bottom . Todd jumped hard , screeching . " It was irresponsible , it was TOTALLY unacceptable . " Stephen punctuated himself with hard and well placed swipes of the belt , bringing it down with all too much accuracy . Todd sobbed , clutching at the bed covers . The sound of the belt hitting his flesh was almost worse than the pain . He couldn 't remember the last time he was belted , though he remembered hearing Matthew get it once . The next stripe of the belt caused Todd to yell , bucking hard . He ran out of breath to talk , out of space to think , as his brain was trying to deal with ever increasingly painful stripes across his backside . Just as Todd was certain the next stripe would lay him open to the bone , the belt stopped falling . Relief mingled with topmost levels of pain and caused Todd several minutes of strangled breathing mixed with half cries of pain . Just as he was starting to get on top of the pain , he felt himself pulled up . Instead of standing , he let his knees buckle and he fell to the floor , hanging onto Stephen 's legs as if his life depended on it . Ignoring the pain in his legs , he lay there for what seemed like an hour before Stephen helped him up , pulling his pants back into the normal position . He collapsed face down on the bed when Stephen pulled back the covers , and curled up tightly to Steve when he sat down on the opposite side . The sun had long since set before Steve untangled himself from his partner and headed downstairs to make something light for dinner . Half asleep , tears still stiff on his face , Todd lay for a moment , listening to the familiar sounds of Stephen moving around downstairs . Being alone up here was almost more than he could stand at the moment , despite being sore it was definitely better to be downstairs with Steve than up here alone . Todd staggered to his feet , rubbed his eyes as he made himself wake up fully and with extreme caution moved the edge of his shorts aside enough to see his throbbing backside . The flesh beneath was scarlet and very sore , but was hardly the ravaged landscape Todd had been expecting . Tentatively he rubbed what he could reach and padded slowly downstairs , still sniffling . Stephen was making sandwiches at the kitchen counter , glanced up as he came in and straightened up . Todd shrugged , not keen to admit he didn 't want to be alone . The sight of the shed beyond the window , still smouldering slightly in the greyness outside , did nothing to lift his spirits . Stephen caught his expression , tipped his head up and kissed him firmly . " Draw the curtains and get the milk out then . " Following his partner up the stairs , grimacing as his shorts rubbed his backside , Todd thought back through what had happened . He wasn 't looking forward to working tomorrow on the shed . He hated the idea of being grounded . And he REALLY hated that he couldn 't have anyone over if Stephen wasn 't there . That lack of trust hurt , even if it was warranted . And he 'd received one hell of a spanking - but Stephen wasn 't mad at him . As he said , any recriminations , whatever , it was all behind him now . He just had to work on the trust issue , and time , and maybe this would all be forgotten . Matthew prodded experimentally at the slight redness of the scorchmarks on his face . They weren 't sore , just tender , but it was clear he 'd stood a little too close to the fire yesterday . He finished washing his hands , gave himself one last look in the mirror at the marks , and headed very quietly back to bed . Rolf was up : Matthew had no idea when he 'd left . Matthew curled back under the covers , more than willing to ' sleep ' as long as he possibly could . He still didn 't really believe how out of hand yesterday had gone . Part of him was bitterly ashamed - and the rest was just shocked . He had - admittedly - something of a fascination for fire , he 'd fiddled around with candles and their hearth a little more than Rolf really cared for if Matthew was honest - but nothing ever this bad . He 'd been left in bed all evening . Rolf was there with inhalers and plenty of water . He was never mean , or angry , in fact he was a lot more calm and settled than Matthew wanted him to be . He knew he was going to be punished , and he knew it was going to be ugly . It wouldn 't have been pretty if he 'd burned down their own shed , but to do it to a friend ? Matthew could feel his face burning now more from shame than the scorchmarks . To think he 'd have to face them again at some point , he couldn 't fathom . He stretched out , trying to make his stomach feel better as it was suddenly tied up in knots . Rolling over again , he curled up , crying softly to himself . He swallowed hard and tried to stop when he heard the back door shut firmly . He wasn 't sure whether he wanted to see Rolf or not , and the quieter he was , the better he thought it 'd be . There was no point in arguing . Matthew lay and looked at him , clearly tearstained . Rolf paused on his way out , stooped to kiss his forehead and pulled the covers beyond reach . He didn 't wait to see if he was obeyed , just went back downstairs . Matthew sat for a minute , trying to get his stomach under control , then decided there was no point at all in making things worse . He showered , headed back into their room and grabbed the first clothes that came to hand . Walking down the steps slowly , he pulled his shirt over his head . He didn 't know how he was going to eat , he was certain he 'd throw back up anything that made it past his mouth . He rounded the corner into the kitchen to find Rolf at the stove , pouring out the last of the scrambled eggs onto two plates . Matthew padded over to the fridge , gently kicking aside cats that demanded their own share of the milk . He was trying hard , but couldn 't control a few sniffles here and there . Rolf paid no attention . Matthew picked up a fork and stirred the eggs with very very little enthusiasm . One of the cats leaned hard against his leg , purring and mewing hopefully . Rolf clicked his fingers at her . Matthew shut his mouth quickly . Rolf in this mood meant only bad news . Figuring he 'd HAVE to get more sympathy than this if he ate and threw up , he took a bite of the sausage and chewed slowly . " Thank you , " Rolf said , starting the clean up . He wasn 't surprised to see Matthew shoving the last bite into his mouth as he turned to collect the last of the dishes . " Inhalers , please , " Rolf said , pointing to where they stood on the counter . Matthew swallowed the last of the tasteless eggs , trying to figure out how they had all stayed down . He 'd have argued at any other time about needing the medication , but not now , not today . He dutifully inhaled twice , waited the required minute in between applications , and took his preventer . He didn 't even get a moment to agonize about where to go , when Rolf said , Matthew gave him a look of flat out appeal . Rolf didn 't move , just waited . Matthew took a deep breath , tried to keep the eggs from making a precipitate re emergence , and headed for the corner . Matthew turned slowly , head down , not sure whether he was relieved to actually start getting this over with or whether this was worse . He sat down in the chair Rolf was indicating and looked hard at the floor , well aware of Rolf standing with his hips propped against the table , arms folded across his chest , a very clear look of determination on his face . Matthew didn 't want to think what he was that determined about . " I don 't knooowwww ! " Matthew finally burst out , the silence almost as upsetting as the speaking . " I 've seen people do it , it wasn 't SUPPOSED to explode and burn the shed down ! " " EXACTLY kids ! " Rolf 's voice rose and deepened . " It 's an act fully worthy of a ten year old with NO sense beyond pure curiosity ! It is NOT something I 'd expect of you or any other man with SOME adult awareness of basic safety and physics ! What on earth possessed you ? " " I didn 't MEAN it to cause any damage ! " Matthew said hotly , mostly to stop himself disolving inwards . Rolf shook his head , totally unimpressed . " You filled a can with gas in ORDER to set light to it ! It was a risk you took the moment you decided to light it , WASN ' T IT ? You knew VERY well the contents were combustible ! " " * I * did that when I was a child , and my father beat me to within an inch of my life ! All it takes is for that can to hiccup in the air or liquids coming out , and that flame will enter the can for a full blown explosion ! Not only could the shed have still burned down , but you could be without five fingers on that hand , or the entire hand for that matter ! It was one of the STUPIDEST things I 've known you to do . " " Burns are serious things , Matthew . They can be far worse than a broken bone or a cut . They require weeks of painful care , a person is subject to all sorts of infections and secondary problems , and you 'll more than likely end up disfigured for life . Do you have ANY idea how badly Todd would have felt , or me for that matter , having to watch you go through painful surgery after painful surgery to fix something like that on you ? " " Of COURSE you didn 't mean for it to happen ! You 're not a mean spirited person at all . But that does NOT mean you don 't need to think through all the options before you do something ! You 're thinking for the moment , not beyond it . " " You had no business getting anything like that close to it once it started . NOR refusing sensible precautions from the firecrew medics . That in itself was VERY stupid , you might very well have had an attack . " If Matthew could have hidden under the chair , he would have done it then . He took his condition seriously , but Rolf beat that by ten . And being without his inhalers was a HUGE no , even though he 'd never really suffered a bad attack , ever . He 'd left them at home because he was only going over to Todd 's for a short time , and the shorts he had on didn 't have pockets . Matthew couldn 't have felt any more miserable if he tried . How could a couple of hours at a friend 's house on a hot day turn into such a mess so quickly ? Matthew nodded , unable to speak . Matthew shook his head miserably . Rolf leaned on the table over him , speaking quietly but very intently . " I do not EVER expect to have to tell you this again Matthew , those inhalers stay ON you , where ever you go . You might VERY well have had a serious attack as a result of that smoke . " " You are going to fix that shed for Stephen . And you are going to apologise to him , extremely sincerely . Not just for that act of childish stupidity which caused a LOT of serious damage on his property and MIGHT have cost him and Todd their home , but also for seriously endangering Todd . You might EASILY have seriously hurt him and yourself yesterday . " Matthew was expecting something like that , but the word indefinitely really hurt . He knew Rolf , knew that he 'd be told when it was okay to go somewhere , and not a minute before he was ready . And any attempts to ask about the end would be met with stern words , if not swats . The ballgame he was planning on attending this next weekend was gone . The movie he was planning on tomorrow with Chris , gone . " Indefinitely , Matthew . That was seriously stupid , and if by keeping you home I can keep you safe , then that 's what I 'll do . We 'll do some work on thinking before acting , as well . And I WILL ask about those inhalers , and no matter how many times I ask , you do NOT want to tell me they are anywhere else but on you . IS that clear ? " The chair moved as Matthew vacated it quickly , the sobs increasing in volume even as the steps on the stairs retreated . He could hear the bed creak as Matthew tossed himself across it . Rubbing his temples , Rolf waited a moment to let the adrenline rush pass through him , then went to get a glass of water to soothe his throat . Knowing the wait was hard for both of them , Rolf swallowed quickly and made his way slowly upstairs , unbuckling his belt as he went . Rolf pulled him away and faced him towards the bed , hands put firmly on the footboard . He made quick work of Matthew 's shorts , dragging them down his thighs . " Let 's get this over with , and not make things worse , " Rolf said firmly as Matthew tried to turn around again . The first lick of the belt nearly lifted Matthew off his feet , landing squarely across the lower part of both cheeks . The sound of it seemed to reverberate across the room , Matthew 's cries instantly shushed as he worked hard on gulping air in against the line of fire that had just exploded across his backside . Rolf pulled back and expertly laid the second stripe an inch up from the first , connecting just as solidly , even with Matthew tried to melt against the footboard . He continued swinging the belt , landing with deadly accuracy , covering Matthew from hip to thigh in angry red lines . Matthew tried several times to stand up , but was either back into position by the force of Rolf 's hands across his back , or the tone of voice Rolf used , anxious to get this finished for both of them . He was reduced to long wails , interspersed by the slap of leather on skin . It seemed to go on forever , and it took Matthew a few moments to realize that there weren 't any new blossoms of pain when Rolf finally set the belt upon the bed . He stood against the wall for what felt like hours , sobbing , then gradually calming down as the fire in his backside gradually cooled to more or less tolerable . It seemed like hours before the room was quiet except for the occasional sniffle . Eventually Rolf 's voice , quiet and still stern , said from the bed , " Matthew . " Matthew turned slowly . Now he was a little calmer , part of him was aware he hurt like hell and it was largely Rolf 's fault . And another part of him was still more unhappy that Rolf was clearly VERY upset with him . Rolf was sitting on the edge of the bed , simply waiting . Without any remnants of dignity other than to keep his eyes on the floor , Matthew moved to stand in front of him . Rolf took his hand and drew him a step closer . " I don 't EVER expect to have to speak to you about fires and messing around with them EVER again , is that clear ? " Rolf said quietly . Matthew nodded , dropping his eyes . " You have exactly 14000 lines to write for me over the next two weeks , " Rolf went on quietly , " 1000 per night , I will NOT play with fire . They get done before ANYTHING else gets done , whether it 's a weekend or a work night . You ARE going to remember this time . " Matthew could only make a mute plea with his eyes . He 'd done that many lines only once before , for driving after having alcohol . It had been miserable , and he 'd earned a spanking at least once during those two weeks for arguing against it . The look that Rolf returned him offered no sympathy . " I don 't want to hear it . I don 't care how you 're feeling . There is absolutely no reason why Stephen should have to clear up that mess nor put up with it . Get dressed please . " Stephen opened the door . " Hi Rolf , Matthew , " he said , standing back to let them in . Matthew kept his eyes down as he walked in , trying hard to keep his hand in Rolf 's . " Todd ? Come here , please , " Stephen said as everyone worked their way back to the kitchen . Todd also came sliding in , not anxious for this scene either . Rolf drew Matthew in front of him and Matthew took a deep breath , struggling to get his eyes up . " I 'm so so sorry about the fire , it was my fault and it was stupid . I 'll do whatever I can to fix it . And I 'm sorry too it was dangerous for Todd . " " I don 't think you 'd have found that easy . " Rolf said wryly . " We 're here to do what we can to fix the shed Stephen . " What remained of the morning passed quickly , Todd and Matthew sorting through what remained of the shed silently . After numerous trips to the front , they 'd hauled out all of the garbage and the site was mostly ready for a new building . Stephen took a quick look around and then dug in his pockets for his car keys . " Give us about thirty minutes or so . Come on Todd , " Stephen said , heading inside the house . Todd gave Matthew a half smile and turned to follow , glad for the repreive . Matthew started to settle down in the grass . Rolf made sufficient sandwiches for the four of them , filled a jug of water and found a bag of chips , and put the sandwiches in the fridge . In the garden he could see Matthew visibly wilting under the heat and doing a very creditable job of shovelling . Going back out into the garden Rolf picked up the other shovel and went to help him , taking the other side of the plot until five minutes later it was flattened and tidy , with only the grass scorches and water damage in the flowerbeds left as evidence of the fire . Matthew dropped the shovel and Rolf reached to take his hand , taking him back to the shade of the porch . After a lunch that was quiet save for Rolf and Stephen , the four of them maneuvered the truck into the back yard and lifted the shed off the trailer , settling it down and straighening it in the plot . Matthew and Todd were left to stake it down and finish up the setup on the inside with the shelving units . Todd had tossed Matthew the hammer to do some work , and caught sight of him wincing . " Ow , " Todd agreed , concerned . " I 'm not feeling any stinging though . I . . . . I got the belt , " he ventured , trying to figure out why he wasn 't as sore as Matthew seemed to be . " Yeah , you ? " Matthew paused briefly . It was very rare for Todd to be in this much trouble , still rarer for him to do anything serious enough to be belted , he was aware for Todd this was probably a far bigger deal . And Matthew and Mike and Chris found it a big enough deal as it was . " Less chat more action . " Stephen said firmly , leaning in through the open door . " Matthew , let Todd finish that and you can start clipping back these flowerbeds , Rolf 'll tell you what to do with them . " " If you can do a better job , YOU DO IT , " Matthew spat without thinking . The next thing he knew was he was on his feet and his very sore backside had a new , smarting handprint on it . He gulped hard and covered the sting , too sore to rub . " I told you before , and this is the last time . I do not expect to be spoken to in such a disrepectful manner . I WILL remove your pants next time and make sure you remember that in the future , if you make it necessary . Am I clear ? " Matthew gulped again , seeing an entirely new side to Steve as he 'd seen previously . " Yes , sir , I 'm sorry . I 'll get back to work now , " Matthew said sincerely , waiting for Steve 's nod before he knealt back down to resume trimming , a lot more carefully . Stephen stood over him for a moment , arms folded , showing no signs whatever of moving away . Matthew avoided looking at him , concentrating on the work and feeling his face flush hotter and hotter under the scrutiny . Whether it was that right now he was extremely ashamed of having caused Stephen this damage , or whether he expected Stephen to be angry to the point where he didn 't dare push any further , he wasn 't sure . Which ever it was there was something to Stephen 's presence , Matthew was absolutely convinced he didn 't want to give Stephen any reason at all to find fault with him righ tnow . It was some time before Stephen moved away and longer still before Matthew relaxed . Stephen put an arm around his shoulder , turned him around and kissed his forehead . " You 've worked hard to try and fix this , as far as I 'm concerned it 's finished with . You don 't need to worry any more about it . " " I 'm REALLY sorry . " Matthew said from the heart . " I really AM sorry Steve , I so didn 't mean to do any damage - " " I know , and we 've fixed it . " Stephen interrupted firmly . " It 's fine Matthew , don 't worry any more . Go and wash your hands , Rolf 's planning for you two to head home . You must be more than ready for a shower and a rest . " And the first of a LONG set of lines . Matthew knew it well , and yet at this moment he did feel better for the first time in two days . He twisted around , keeping his definitely muddy hands off Stephen 's shirt and gave him a quick , somewhat shy hug , then jogged up the lawn towards the house . " I don 't care at all about the garden , I 'm just seriously glad neither of them were hurt . " Stephen said dryly . Rolf smiled faintly . " I think he 's done all he can , I don 't think I 've ever seen Matthew look this subdued . " Stephen raised his eyebrows as Rolf turned , and put out a hand to stop him . " Although I think it 's wearing off . You might want to change that shirt before you drive anywhere . " Matthew said goodbye to Todd and headed for the front door . " Why do you have your shirt off ? " he questioned as they went down the front steps . His only answer was a lightly stinging mark halfway down his thigh . He yelped and screamed , running for the cover of the car with Rolf continuing to flick the shirt , catching Matthew 's legs a couple more times , careful not to get any higher . Matthew plastered himself against the car , holding his hands down over his legs . " No , " Matthew said with his most innocent look . He managed to pull his hands up to show Rolf . " See ? It wasn 't me . " " Oh , okay . Well , in case you see a dirty , tired , dishevelled little boy , make sure tell him that I 'm very proud of the job he has done . Can you remember that ? " Rolf and Ranger 's Next Book will be called The Mary Ellen Carter . The Mary Ellen Carter and other works in progress can be read at either the Falls Chance Ranch Discussion Group or the Falls Chance Forum before they are posted here at the blog . So come and talk to the authors and be a part of a work in progress . Do you want to read the FCR Books and Short Stories on your E - Reader ? Well , lucky for you , e - book files can be found inboth the Yahoo Group and the Discussion Forum . Falls Chance Ranch Books " Someone should explain to him , he might be big and loomy but he 's American and he 's not allowed to do weird things like canes . " ~ Wade in Three Traders " It 's eight thirty ! " ~ Nick " Nick , my powers of observation really aren 't bad for my age . " ~ Damien , Strike 3 Ranger 's Stories A catless writer is almost inconceivable . It 's a perverse taste , really , since it would be easier to write with a herd of buffalo in the room than even one cat ; they make nests in the notes and bite the end of the pen and walk on the typewriter keys . ~ Barbara Holland E - mail Ranger " Yes I trust you , yes I 'm fine with treating you like a ten year old with a comic and yes they 're still staying down here tonight . I 'll put them in the study . Bed . " ~ Paul , Mustang Hill Total Pageviews |
Before Dan met me , all he wanted to do in life was travel the world . The summer after he graduated high school ( in 2005 ) he spent a summer in Europe . Even now , seven years later , he still talks about it all the time . The idea of traveling sounds fun , but it 's never been my dream . But it 's his dream , and because of that , I want to be part of that . It took me a long time , but I surprised him . Of course , the kids loved it . It was their idea in the first place . I had made normal tapioca and was making a second batch with almond milk for Ava and next thing I know , the kids are begging and pleading with me to add strawberry powder to it . So , I did , and it was absolutely disgusting . And of course , I forgot a few ingredients in the cupboards . I am the most inefficient cook there is . I end up going to the same cupboard six times to get things out , rather than making one trip . And of course , I rand out of regular tapioca . At first I was just frustrated , but then I realized I had the giant boba tapioca pearls that my neighbor left at my house forever ago . I figured I could grind them with my Magic Bullet to about the right size and it might work . I ground it up a little bit smaller than it looks like in this picture . Lucky enough for me , it worked ! It turned out like normal tapioca , even using the big boba pearls . Just be sure to grind it all down pretty small , otherwise you might end up with undercooked tapioca and that 's just gross . So , just like regular tapioca , I added the whipped egg and put it in the refrigerator to cool . Of course , Maddi and Danny had to ask me every five minutes " Is it cool yet ? Can I have some yet ? Is it done yet ? I want some , mom ! " I wanted to gag just imagining how it would taste . Thankfully little kids think that all sorts of disgusting things taste great . I don 't remember what it was , but there was something I was all excited to eat because I used to love it when I was a kid … Then I took a bite and it was disgusting . Thankfully my kids aren 't picky and are apparently immune to bad cooking . They loved the tapioca . Maddi and Danny even asked for seconds . Right now , we 're down to one car because Dan 's truck keeps having one problem after another . We could get it fixed . We have the money … But at this point … We aren 't so sure the truck is even worth fixing . We also don 't know how much longer we 'll even be here if Dan 's interviews go well … So , for the time being , we 're working with just the one car . Which for me , means I have to work with Dan 's schedule . Today , it meant going to the college a couple hours early because he was helping his sister with programming homework . I really didn 't want to leave early , but at least I got some work done while we were there . After I got home from class , we did Maddi 's hair . I have had her new hair extensions for a few days now , but she hadn 't earned them yet . She was having a hard time listening to mom and dad and keeping her room clean . But , today she really tried and I gave her some credit and we did her hair . I do have to admit , I like the quality of her new extensions better than the old ones . Maybe they 're just softer . I don 't know , but I really like them . And yes . Danny has a couple of extensions in too . The poor kid saw me doing Maddi 's extensions and wanted some too . Poor little guy doesn 't understand that it 's a girl thing … So I just let him have a couple of the ones I took out of Maddi 's hair . They just look like highlights on him . Of course , I cut them short to match his hair . He isn 't even three yet . He doesn 't understand that it 's a girly thing . Who am I to tell him no while he sits there and watches his sister get her hair done ? He just felt left out . I have been following a debt payoff plan similar to the Dave Ramsey method . The first step is done . I have $ 1 , 000 in savings . I paid off my first debt . I paid off my car . And now I 'm working on debt number three out of four . I 've made so much progress . It 's almost hard to believe that I have paid off so much in such a short period of time , but I really want to eliminate all of my credit cards and other debts . It 's a big deal to have that money freed up each month . That 's money that can be put toward other things , like savings , retirement or just fun . Hell , I 'd love to go on a vacation . I 've never been on a vacation . That is why I have been writing so much . I made a goal to write three articles per day , every day for the month of march . I don 't have to write them every day , but I have to have the equivalent of three every day . If I want to write six today , I can skip tomorrow . So far , I 've done well and I 'm even a day ahead on all of my articles . I have been trying to think of it as a real job . No way do I spend eight hours a day on it , but I have been trying to treat it like a " real " job . I haveto finish my three articles every day . No excuses . It has to be done . If I want that debt to keep disappearing … I have to put in the work to make it keep disappearing . It felt so good when I finished the $ 1 , 000 savings . It felt even better when I paid off my first debt . It felt even more amazing when I paid off my car . I have two debts left and my goal is to pay them both off by the end of summer . That is my goal . Sometimes I feel like it 's impossible and I 'll never be able to do it . Other times , I feel like it 's completely manageable and nothing can stop me from doing it . I go back and forth from motivated and determined to overwhelmed and defeated . Regardless of what state of mind I 'm in … I do those three articles a day and slowly but surely it adds up . I am 12 % of the way through debt # 3 . I have been thinking about giving myself " treats " every $ 250 and $ 500 . Smaller treats for $ 250 and bigger treats for $ 500 . It might seem lame but I think the four - year - old is on to something with her reward charts ! Maybe some new clothes or getting my hair dyed . I don 't know . I 'm thinking a $ 50 treat for the $ 250 marks and a $ 100 treat when I hit the $ 500 mark , paid in cash of course , not credit ! I am not using the credit cards as freely as I used to ! Not going down that road again ! Anyway , that 's my life as of lately . Making money . Paying off debt . Playing with the kids . Having a grand old time . Never a dull moment . It took me three months , but I finally wrote a letter to Golden Corral , the restaurant that accused me of starving and neglecting my child due to her health issues and small size . This was the first time anyone had ever humiliated and hurt me over my daughter 's special needs . Here 's a copy of the letter I sent . I feel sick even thinking about everything that happened that night . I am completely disgusted and sickened by everything that transpired that night . I hope they will take action to prevent this from happening to another poor mother and her special needs child . I visited your Anchorage location when I was on federal jury duty . I live three hours away from Anchorage , but was staying in a hotel with my friend and my nine - month - old daughter . We thought it would be fun to go out to eat , and I had always enjoyed dining there any other time I had visited Anchorage . My daughter was diagnosed with failure to thrive , along with spastic diplegia cerebral palsy in August of 2011 . She was and still is , much smaller than most babies her age and has special health concerns . These issues , quite frankly , are no one 's business but mine and my family 's . My daughter would go into frantic fits if she was in restrictive clothing such as socks or a coat . Most likely a sensory processing issue , which is common with children who have her issues . Because of this , we wrap her in blankets when we go from the car to indoors . We did the same thing that we always do while we were visiting your restaurant . We wrapped her up snugly in blankets and carried her in and took the blankets off when we got inside . When I returned to the table , my friend told me what happened . When the waitress came back I asked her what was going on and she told me . I was so upset I couldn 't stop crying . This was the first time I had really gone out and done anything with my daughter and this was how I was being treated . Waitresses criticizing my parenting , threatening to call the authorities and staring my daughter and I down during our visit . I couldn 't even eat my dinner , I was so upset . I was going to ask for a refund but I was so angry and hurt that I couldn 't even speak to my friend without sobbing , let alone speak to a manager . I was so upset , I felt like I was going to get sick . We ended up leaving without eating our dinner and I cried the entire way home . There are children in this world that have special needs that the general population may not understand . I understand that and I do my best to make my daughter 's issues known to those who they are relevant for . However , I should not have to give a medical history to my server at a restaurant . Nor should I be persecuted , gossiped about and tore down for something they obviously knew nothing about . I was appalled at how I was treated and even now , three months later , I still cannot believe that my daughter and I were treated so poorly . Needless to say , we have not returned to your establishment , and nor will we . Our experience and the lack of understanding and compassion has left a sour taste in my mouth that I don 't know that I will ever be able to get rid of . You may consider further training for your employees in regards to how these issues should and shouldn 't be addressed . I would hate for another mother and child to experience the horrific treatment that I did while I was at your restaurant . I know it 's nothing spectacular , and nothing amazing , but it 's something , and something I earned . It 's the first of more to come . It 's the first big step down on a very long and trying path . I got a degree . It may not be an impressive or even specific one , but it 's a degree , and it 's the first step in the right direction . Now , I 'm faced with another decision . I was accepted into the biological sciences BS program , but I 'm thinking of switching to the BA program . The BA has all of the prereqs I need for medical school , and I can do it all on the peninsula . I don 't have to move to Anchorage for a semester or worry about any of that craziness . I can do it all here , and then apply to med school in portland when I finish . There 's also the time advantage . I could likely finish the BA in three semesters if I plan it well . . The BS would take me at least five more semesters . I 'm torn . I know a BS looks better because it 's more in - depth , but unfortunately , a BS would put much more strain on me and my family , financially and geographically . Odds are , I 'll apply for the BA at the end of this semester and see where it takes me . For now , I 'm nervous . I have a degree now . The next step , is to get the bachelor 's , whether it 's a BA or BS , I just need to get it … Then , I wait . I wait to see if the medical school gods deem me as " good enough " to be admitted into their program . It makes me feel so anxious . I worry that perhaps I 'm overestimating myself … Maybe I 'm not as smart as I 've been led to believe . Sometimes when I 'm especially anxious , I wonder who I think I 'm kidding when I say I want to be a physician . There is one thing I am incredibly proud of . No , it 's not my kids , despite how amazingly in love and proud of them I am . But , anyone can have kids . Not everyone can do what I have done in regards to my education . In a way it 's funny . So many people had their bets against me . I got pregnant my junior year of high school . I was married that same year and gave birth the same month my senior year started . Everyone was betting against my marriage , my future and my education . I don 't think anyone really thought I 'd make it through . Everyone assumed I 'd do what I was already doing and what most other young moms do ; drop out and never look back . I re - enrolled in school . I started with home school in the summer . I caught up all the credits I had missed and started working on the ones I had left . Then I went back to public school . I hated every minute of it , but I dragged myself through it . I walked the block and a half to SoHi every day . I left my classes barfing my brains out on more than one occasion . My teachers knew I was pregnant . I could tell they were trying not to make a spectacle of it , but they did with obvious special treatment ; no hall pass needed for my morning sickness runs . I barely made it through the semester . At that point , I was obviously pregnant and I just didn 't think I had it in me to keep going . I switched back to home school full time . By the time I had my daughter , I only needed three more classes . I finished those three classes at Kenai Alternative . I spent seven weeks , riding the bus there at 7 in the morning with a brand new baby , dealing with breastfeeding discrimination , and trying my best to keep up while my head was swimming in demerol and dilaudid . Even so , I did it . I finished an entire semester before I was originally supposed to and I walked at graduation the following May . I see people who make excuses about why they didn 't want to , couldn 't or wouldn 't finish high school or get their GED , but really , there are very few real reasons not to . It isn 't easy . I 'll agree there , but your education isn 't something you should expect to be handed to you . You have to work for it . If it were easy it wouldn 't be worth being proud of , would it ? My husband and I , like most young couples weren 't doing so hot . We had a lot of problems and looking back , I don 't know who or what caused them . We were both to blame in our own ways . We were young , selfish and we didn 't know each other the way we should have before we decided to get married , let alone have a baby . Dan and I separated that summer . I had no idea what to do . I was sitting in the living room of my apartment , upset and crying after getting off of the phone with Dan . I asked Derick to drive me to get the rest of my stuff from Dan 's place , but he needed to stop by the college for something on the way . I don 't know what he was doing , but Maddi and I ended up wandering around the commons . A lady with dark hair started talking to me and I don 't really know what happened but the next thing I knew , I was registered for classes . Dan and I were too chaotic and I didn 't have a license . I couldn 't drive and I couldn 't take care of my own needs . I completely flopped that semester and I was lucky it didn 't turn out worse than it did . Thankfully , Dan and I mellowed out , started to enjoy the company of one another and began to really build on , work on , and strengthen our marriage . We found out that same semester we were expecting our second child . I decided to keep going to school , but chose my classes a little wiser that semester . It worked out and for the first time ever , I made Chancellor 's list with all A 's and one B . I continued school and for the most part , I did well . Until the fall semester my appendix decided to go boom . For the second time in my life , I was learning that algebra and morphine don 't mix well . Even so , I continued going that spring semester , took the summer off and then decided that I needed a longer break and decided to sit out fall semester . I was stressed . Newly pregnant yet again , and decided that I needed the time to focus on my doula and childbirth educator certifications . I did just that and the picked school back up the following spring semester . During that semester , I was taking 13 credits . I took the bare minimum to be considered full - time and despite the guidance counselor urging me not to come back that semester because my baby was due to be born two months into the semester , I did it anyways . And guess what ? It was the first semester I ever made all A 's . I made all A 's , traveled five hours from home , sat in a hotel for three weeks and had an all natural vaginal birth after two prior cesareans and made all A 's that semester . I didn 't take easy classes either . At this point , I decided I was done taking breaks . I wasn 't skipping summers anymore . I took part - time during the summer and went full - time the following fall at 19 credits . I get my first college degree in December of 2011 . As you can see from this documentation of my academic history , it hasn 't been easy . People talk to me about school and tell me that I 'm " lucky to be smart , " but it has nothing to do with luck . I wasn 't any smarter than those people are at one point in my life , but I put forth the effort , I did the work and I learned and grew from the experience . It has nothing to do with just " being smart . " Sure , having a natural inclination can help , but if you have the will and the desire , then you can do it . If you don 't , then stop making excuses as to why you can 't , won 't , shouldn 't or couldn 't . I really hate hearing it . I wasn 't any better than most of my peers when I was in high school , and now I am . Not because I 'm full of myself , but because I didn 't give up and I did the work . That 's all there is to it . I am beyond proud of myself for this accomplishment . I know an associates of arts isn 't a huge deal . It 's just a general study program , however , I am beyond thrilled that I will be the first of my siblings with a college degree . I am beyond thrilled that I will be one of the very few people my age I know with a college degree . I am amazed that I will be the only girl my age who had kids in high school and now has a college degree . I 'm not done with just my associates . I applied to the bachelors of science in biological sciences and I was accepted . I couldn 't believe it . I honestly didn 't think I would be accepted , but I was . And now ? It 's all downhill from here . In 2007 I donated a small amount of milk to two different babies . Not a lot , but still , some . In 2009 I donated over 2000 ounces to several babies . I had laundry baskets full of frozen milk inside the deep freezer . It was ridiculous . My supply was one thing I was never concerned with , however , Ava was losing weight and we needed to up her intake since she was only processing a small portion of what she was taking in . Unlike the majority of parents , I didn 't jump to formula as my second option , but sought out donor milk . Ava has been able to receive milk donations from four amazing women , two of them possibly continuing . For this , we are more thankful than anyone can imagine . In the few weeks she has been supplemented with donor milk she has gained over a pound . She 's happier . She babbles . She smiles . She 's more interactive . I 'm convinced it 's helping , and if it helps us avoid the gtube , then I 'm all for it . Whenever someone asks me what 's wrong , it 's hard to know what to say to them . Do I tell the truth ? Do I shrug it off ? Part of me feels terrible laying that kind of emotion and sadness on them if I 'm honest … But another part of me feels equally as awful if I lie or minimize how terrible I actually feel . The last month has forced me to live a life I never would have imagined I would . I 'm finding myself thinking and feeling things I never imagined I would ever need to . One of the strangest things I find , is how sensitive I 've become . I 'm sensitive over the tiniest things . Things people don 't even notice . Things I didn 't notice before , but now , I can 't help but notice . Now , I can 't help but shift uncomfortably every time a stranger or even a friend or acquaintance asks me how much she weighs or how old she is . She 's tiny . I know this . I 'm not blind . I don 't need eighty perfect strangers to point this out to me or interrogate me about how well she does or doesn 't eat . But I really don 't like being asked the weight question . I also don 't want to explain what exactly is wrong with her to everyone who happens to ask . I also don 't like the shock and almost accusatory looks I get when I do answer the question . I also don 't like people who keep pressing for answers after I 've already made it pretty clear I don 't want to talk about . My child is fed well and taken care of well . I don 't owe any one an explanation , and I 'd really appreciate it if people stopped pressuring me and making me feel as if I do . Maybe I 've gotten mean since everything with Ava has happened . I feel like I have . I 'm less tolerant of people now . I have a hard time caring about trivial " problems . " I 'm really lacking in the empathy department . Your boyfriend dumped you ? I 'll trade you . You 're broke ? I 'll trade you . Your boss is a jerk ? I 'll trade you . It all seems so stupid now . I got all of my sewing totes and craft area organized … Looks really good and everything is easy to access now ! Makes it faster for me to finish projects now ! We found Ava 's umbilical cord … That was a weird story . I had lost it and don 't know how … I cried for almost five hours , tearing my house apart to find it … . And nothing . Then , a few weeks later ( two days ago ) I 'm on the phone and Bre about tackles Danny because he came out of the kitchen with it … We still have no idea where it had been and Maddi just kept calling it the " Big Scary Snake . " Surprisingly it hadn 't broken or cracked or anything … I finally made my Chanel - inspired mei - tai that I 've been thinking about making for a while now … I 've been planning on making a mei - tai for about a year now … but only had a design in mind for the last month or so … Turned out cuter than I thought it would ! My grandpa has been such an incredible influence in my life , especially considering how long he served as my parental figure and guardian . Sure , I remember feeling angry and annoyed with him all the time as a teenager and as a kid . As I got older , and even now , I 've begun to see that he 's got faults , just like the rest of us , but he 's also an amazing man who has taught me more than I can ever describe . The more I grow and the more I mature , the more I realize that , " Yes , Papa . You were right . " If you know my grandpa , you know he loves to say " And what are those famous words I like to hear ? " All in fun and teasing though . He 'd never say it to be mean . And of course , I always half - roll my eyes and give him a sideways smile and comply , " You were right , Papa . " When I was in high school , I either got all great grades , or I got all bad grades . I went back and forth between over - achieving and not caring . When I do well , I do extremely well . When I do poorly , I do extremely poor . I have ADHD and OCD … Anyone with either of those conditions knows that individually , they 're horrific … But combined ? They 're hell . If either one of them crops up more so than the other … It can be difficult . I find the most difficult of the two being the ADHD . I have a certain order , and routine I do things in . When I have issues concentrating , I can 't do these things and it stresses me out even more because I still have the compulsion to do these things in that order or routine , but I can 't focus long enough to do it . Recently , I told my grandpa that it 's his fault . I get an 89 % and I feel like I may as well have gotten an F . In my head , I know an 89 % is good , but to me , it 's not good enough . Despite knowing it in my head , it doesn 't help how I feel about it . My teacher says to read a chapter … I read the chapter three times and write a 1 - 2 page paper on each section of the chapter . My teacher says to do even problems 1 - 100 , I do them all . That is how I keep myself so sharp . I 'm not just smart naturally . Intelligent , sure . But being smart and knowing your books takes time , practice , memorization and application . I know this . And I know that if I want to retain what I 'm learning , that this is what I have to do . Ultimately , these strange routines and habits pay off in the form of high test scores . Back to my original thought though … My grandpa told me that no one can ever take my education away from me . He 's right . And although he never said it in words , he taught me that an education sets me apart from the rest of the world . I know I 'm not amazing . I know come December , I 'll only have an associate 's degree under my belt … But I 've learned so much in my education pursuits … Not just regarding academia , but about how much people care , and what kind of effort they put into themselves and their lives . Before , it was just about getting by and hoping for something better … Now , it 's about being better , and doing what it takes to get there . |
Sometimes it seems as if middle age is all about coping with change . There are the physical changes : fading eyesight , graying hair , spreading mid - section and facial hair where it absolutely doesn 't belong . Then there are the changes in our families : children growing up to become independent adults , aging parents ( if we are lucky enough to still have them ) who become increasingly dependent on us , and relatives we knew as babies having babies of their own . And finally , there are the changes in the world around us : new and confusing technologies , strange new fads in food and decorating ( with all due respect to HGTV , who really needs a barn door in their house ? ) and global politics that are shifting so quickly we can hardly keep track of it all . Still , I have finally realized that there really is one constant in my life , and that 's … . . me . Obviously , I 'm not talking about my body , as that 's much more saggy and wrinkly that it ever was , and of course I know that I have grown in maturity and knowledge as I 've lived my life . But I do believe that , underneath it all , I am still basically the same person I have always been . I can 't remember a time when I didn 't love animals , particularly dogs and horses . One of my earliest memories is watching Westerns on our family 's old black and white television set , and how frustrated I 'd get when the cowboys would get off their horses and the cameras would follow the cowboys , not the horses . Because I didn 't care about the cowboys ; I wanted to watch the horses ! So it 's no surprise that one of the nicest gifts I ever got in my life was my very own horse , and I still love horses , even though Prince died a long time ago . And one of the saddest times in my young life was when we had to give our family dog away because we were moving to an apartment where she wasn 't allowed . We gave her to family friends who I knew would take good care of her and let us see her often , but I still cried about it for days . And if I had to give up my dog today , I 'm pretty sure I 'd react the exact same way . I loved to write stories when I was a child , so it was natural that I became an English major in college and worked hard at a free - lance writing career as an adult . My favorite color is still blue ; I 'm still an introvert who spends way too much time day - dreaming ; and I still hate loud noises and seeing anyone 's feelings hurt , even the feelings of people I don 't particularly like . I know the reason why I can go years without seeing a close friend and yet feel instantly connected and comfortable when we do meet up again . It 's because both of us still have the same basic personality traits that first formed the friendship all those years ago . My husband and I have been official empty - nesters for almost three years now , and it 's been nine years since we 've had both of our kids living at home full time , so I 've had plenty of time to get used to the idea that both my son and daughter are grown up and out on their own . But planning my daughter 's wedding really drives home the fact that my kids are now bonafide , independent adults , so I suppose it 's only natural that lately I 've found myself spending a lot of time reminiscing about the years I spent raising them . I know I was the best parent I knew how to be , and I 'm more than happy with the way my son and daughter turned out , but that doesn 't mean I don 't look back and find a lot of places where I wish I had done things differently . I wish I was more patient when they were young , both my myself as I was learning what it meant to be a parent , as well as with my children . I wish I had spent less time and energy trying to make sure everything was " just right , " and more time being spontaneous and accepting of the hectic , messy and joyous reality that small children bring . I would like to be more certain that I didn 't let my frustrations with other areas of my life ( too many rejection slips from the editors I sent my manuscripts to with such hope ; too much turmoil and too many pay cuts with my husband 's job at the time ) effect the way I treated my children , making me more demanding and impatient that I should have been . I would have liked to have spent less time worrying about the small stuff : why my daughter barely talked she was a toddler ( she 's been making up for that one ever since ) ; whether my son would ever gain enough weight that his pants would quit slipping down over his hips ( that was before " sagging " became a fashion statement ) ; whether they were keeping up with the other kids in terms of their skills and abilities . And when they were older , I wish I hadn 't taken it quite so personally when the world wasn 't always kind to them , and they didn 't make a sports team , or a former best friend suddenly dropped them , or they didn 't get a good grade on a project they worked so hard on . It 's never easy for kids to learn that life isn 't always good or fair , but I 'm afraid that I made it much worse when they had to deal with my disappointment as well as their own . In short , what I 'd really like is a " do over " for the times that I wasn 't as good of a mother as I wanted to be . And of course I know I can 't have one , and that regretting the past is mostly a waste of time that benefits no one . The most I can do at this point is to stop longing for a non - existent " do over " and simply resolve to try to " do better " from here on . I may not be able to erase my past mistakes , parenting or otherwise , but I can learn from them and use them to help me become the kind of mother , and person , that I really want to be . I may not get to have a " do over , " but I do have , and will always have , the chance to do better . When I checked my email this morning and saw that Steven Curtis had nominated me for the Creative Blogger Award , I have to admit that I wasn 't quite sure how I felt about it . There are lots of blogging awards floating around in the sphere , and most of them work a little bit like a chain letter : you get nominated , you have to follow a certain set of rules ( which in this case are listing five random facts about yourself ) , and then you have to nominate someone else 's blog . They aren 't like most awards , where all you have to do is accept them and be grateful , and possibly buy a fancy new dress for the occasion if you happen to be receiving the award in public . But when I followed the link back to Steven Curtis ' blog ( stevenjcurtis , and it 's well worth reading ) , I was struck by his thoughtful answers to the " five random facts " requirement and by his kind words about my blog . And I decided to give it a try . 1 ) I hate talking about myself . I am a naturally a rather private person , and talking about myself never comes easily to me . I 'm always afraid that if I rattle off a list of my VERY modest accomplishments , it sounds as if I am trying to brag . And that if I tell people what I really think , they will just think I 'm strange . 2 ) I am a master at worrying . Give me any possible scenario , and I can quickly and easily imagine ten things that could go wrong . Give me a little while to think about it , and I can come up with at least ten more . Some people tell me that means I 'm a cynic . I prefer to think of it as being prepared . Because once I 've identified all the things that can go wrong , then I feel more prepared to deal with the problems if they actually arise . ( Now do you understand why I 'm worried people will think I 'm strange when I tell them what I really think ? ) 3 ) I really wish I had some musical talent … . a good singing voice , the ability to play an instrument really well , anything would do . As it is , I can plunk out most of the songs in " Alfred 's Basic Adult Piano Course , Level 1 . " And that 's it . 4 ) Although I absolutely love dogs and can 't imagine living without at least one in my house , I am terrified of Great Danes . Whenever there 's a Great Dane at the Humane Society where I volunteer , I always make sure someone else walks it . I 'll gladly walk a Mastiff , a St . Bernard , whatever ; but I avoid the Great Danes . Even though I 'm sure they are fine dogs . 5 ) I really don 't mind being middle aged . Of course I 'm not fond of my spreading midsection , failing eyesight , graying hair , etc . But I do like how much more comfortable I feel about being my true self now , how much deeper my friendships have become and how more willing I am to try new things , such as participating in this blog award . I follow lots of great blogs , so it 's hard to pick , but I 'll nominate Nancy at 4wallsnaroof . wordpress . com . She writes very well on a variety of subjects , and I think you 'll enjoy it ! I know I do . The church I grew up in and attended when my children were young is closing at the end of this month , and today they had a special " heritage " lunch as a final gathering for everyone . It was enjoyable , if somewhat bittersweet , to spend time with so many old friends , and see people I knew as little children all grown up with kids of their own . They had five tables filled with old photographs that people could take if they wanted , and I spent a lot of time sorting through the photos , searching for pictures of my family . I was thrilled to find lots of photos of my kids , but I was shocked by how many people either didn 't look at the photos at all , or picked up a photo of a member of their family , looked at it with mild interest , then put it back down again , knowing that all the unclaimed pictures were going to be thrown away . How could they not want those pictures of their grandparents , their parents , their sons and daughters ? Now don 't get me wrong , I understand people not wanting to bring home more " stuff . " By the time we 've reached middle age , most of us already have more material possessions than we need or want , and our main problem is how to get rid of it , not how to add to our collections . But in my opinion , there is simply no such thing as too many photos of family and friends , and the older they are , the better . I may fill a donation bag with clothing every time my closet gets full , but if I run out of shelf space for my photo albums , I just know it 's time to add another shelf . Because photographs are a recording of my life up to this point , and that 's not something I 'm willing to let go of . The way I look at it , that 's my history in those photo albums . Those old family photos remind me of where I came from , and just who I came from . The pictures of me growing up remind me of all the different stages of my life . The photos of friends remind me of how many good people I 've been lucky enough to share my life with , from the time I was a small child right up to today . And the photos of the pets I 've had , the houses I 've lived in , and the places I 've visited are all reminders of my own life 's journey . I don 't keep the photos because I 'm trying to live in the past . I 'm perfectly happy living in the present , even with my middle - aged face and body . It 's just that I sometimes enjoy looking at pictures of family members who are gone , or pictures of my children when they were babies . It brings back memories of a different time in my life , and those memories are special to me . And I believe that they 're certainly precious enough to keep . My husband and I were getting ready to go out to eat last weekend , and he asked what I thought of the shirt he had just put on . I told him that it looked nice , but it might be just a little too casual for the restaurant we were going to . We were celebrating our anniversary , so we were going to a new restaurant that had a reputation for being a bit formal . When we were driving home after our dinner , he mentioned that he thought he could have worn the original shirt after all , since not everyone else eating there had been dressed up , and that " it was mostly the older people who were wearing suits and dresses . " I answered , perhaps a bit too honestly , " Yes , but to all those young diners , we are the older people ! " I remember talking to a friend at her 50th birthday party , and she described how she had thrown a 50th birthday party for her father years ago , when she was still in her twenties . She invited all of her parents ' friends to her house , and she remembered thinking how weird it was to see " all those old people partying . " Now that she was celebrating her own 50th birthday , did that mean her kids thought she was an " old " person , partying with her " old " friends ? Sadly , I had to admit that they probably did . I 'm sure that would have been my son 's reaction , given how often he rolls his eyes and mutters " old people " whenever I ask him a particularly naive question about my computer . ( If he keeps that up , I 'm going to have remind him that I may be up there in age , but I 'm certainly not too old to change my will . And unless he loses the attitude , it won 't be in his favor . ) The simple fact is that age is a very relative term . I remember when I thought thirty was impossibly old , until I actually turned thirty , at which point I decided that you had to be at least forty to be well and truly old . And now that I 'm in my late fifties , I 'm finding that I keep pushing back the upper age limit of what I consider to be my middle years , because the only thing that follows middle age is old age . And I 'm just not ready for old age yet , no matter what I see when I look in the mirror . Maybe the answer is to stop letting people younger than me decide whether or not I am old . Recently , I was at a ballgame and went to the concession stand to get an ice cream cone . An elderly man took my order and had begun filling the cone from the soft - serve ice cream machine when he looked back at me over his shoulder , winked , and added four extra inches of ice cream to the cone before handing it to me with a flourish . I would probably have been much more flattered if he had been under the age of eighty ( he wasn 't ) and still had at least half of his teeth ( he didn 't . ) But realizing that it was just possible that he saw me as young and pretty , I smiled and thanked him gratefully before heading back to my seat with my enormous ice cream cone . I sometimes think the hardest part of being middle aged is coping with too much loss . I 'm not talking about the long and depressing list of the things we have learned to do without at this point of our lives : good eyesight , a slim waistline , a dependable memory , the ability to eat rich foods right before bedtime and still sleep like a baby , etc . I 'm talking about the almost devastating sense of loss that comes from knowing far too many people who are no longer with us . As a child , I was lucky enough not to lose any member of my family I was truly close to , and I was almost eighteen when my grandmother , whom I loved dearly , died . I can still remember how long it took before I could accept that I would never see her again , and how for a while after her death , it was almost physically painful to be in her house . But that was just the beginning . By my early thirties , all my relatives of my grandmother 's generation were gone , or at least the ones I actually knew . And the year I turned fifty was the same year that my father died . I have reached the age where I have known too many people who are gone , whether they were family , friends , coworkers or even just casual acquaintances . I know people my age who have lost both parents , who have lost their spouses , who have lost siblings , and worst of all , sometimes even their children . I suppose I was naive about death , thinking that the pain of losing too many people who are important to you was something that didn 't happen until you were well and truly old , unless you lived in a war - torn country . I didn 't realize that the process of loss begins much earlier for most people , even for those of us who have been fortunate to live relatively peaceful lives . Sadly , losing people we love is just a natural part of life and we really have no choice in the matter . But what I can choose is how I react to the loss . I can choose to be sad and angry , and honestly , in the days , weeks or even months after someone I care about dies , sad and angry is exactly what I am , and it doesn 't particularly feel like a choice . But after the initial grief passes , I can choose to be thankful for the time I had with the people I loved , and I can use my grief as a reminder of just how fragile and fleeting life really is . I think the best response to the long and growing list we middle - agers have of loved ones who have died is to remember to treasure the time we have with the people who are still with us . These days , I rarely have a phone call with my mother ( who just turned 85 ) that doesn 't end with " love you . " Several good friends and I routinely say the same thing , sometimes in person , sometimes in emails or texts , and they aren 't empty words . We have been around long enough to know that we need to tell people how much we care about them . We have figured out that we need to make time for each other , even when it 's not convenient , and to put aside the petty differences that seemed so important when we were young and thought we had all the time in the world . When I think back to my wedding day , which was memorable mostly for the record - breaking heat of 110 degrees with a heat index of 120 degrees , I honestly can 't believe that it was thirty - five years ago . The time has just flown by , much faster than I ever could have imagined . We had planned to celebrate with a trip to Ireland and England , but then my daughter and her boyfriend decided that this would be a good year to get married , and the thought of financing both a wedding and an overseas vacation didn 't seem like such a good idea . ( We hope to go next year , instead . Who says you can 't make a big deal out of a 36th wedding anniversary ? ) I 've learned a lot of things in the past thirty five years , and most of it has to do with the delicate art of compromise . I am a minimalist who gets nervous when I look around a room and see too much stuff , while my husband is what can best be described as a " keeper . " We learned early on in our marriage that separate closets were a must . Our child - raising styles were similar , thank goodness , but our decorating tastes were not , and that became one of the many areas where we learned to compromise . I said " yes " to the plaid sofa and love seat combo in our first apartment , but " no " to the velvet tapestry of the dogs playing poker . It took awhile , be we figured out how to be a part of two very different families , how to manage our finances in a way that made us both happy , and how to play to each other 's strengths in deciding who does what job . I suppose after living , more or less peacefully , with my husband for thirty five years that 's it only natural for me to want to give my daughter a bit of marriage advice . So far , I 've resisted the temptation , but if I did , my advice would be simple : be true to yourself , be loving toward your spouse , and always make your marriage your priority . Know there will be good days and bad days . Sometimes he will annoy you by doing nothing more than walking in the room and breathing your air , because that 's what happens when you live with someone day in and day out . But if you have chosen your spouse well , there will be far more good days than bad , because you are sharing your life with your best friend , your strongest supporter and the person you would rather be with more than anyone else . And trust me , the years will just fly by …… If you know me at all , you know that I am no fan of winter . I hate being cold , I 'm afraid to drive on icy roads , and as a volunteer dog walker at the local Humane Society , I spend a lot of time outside , even on the coldest of days . That means I spend most of the winter waiting impatiently for the weather to warm up so I can ditch my scarves , coats , gloves , and most importantly , my long underwear . So I am getting more than a little cranky about the fact that it is now July 7th , and yet I still don 't feel as if summer has even begun . July in St . Louis is supposed to be hot and humid . This is the time of year when I am supposed to be wearing capris ( they hide more spider veins and cellulite than shorts , which is important at my age ) , cooling off at a swimming pool , eating dinner on my backyard patio and enjoying the flowering blooms I worked so hard to plant in the spring . I should be excited about the tomatoes beginning to ripen on my gigantic tomato plants ( I have no idea why they get so big ) and I should be spending my evenings at outdoor concerts in the park , complaining about the humidity and swatting at mosquitoes , but still happy to be outside . But instead of a normal St . Louis summer , this year we have gotten mostly cool weather and a whole lot of rain . We 've had a couple of days of true summer heat , but the minute I begin to adjust to it , another cold front comes along , bringing a drop in temperatures and more rain . The flowers I so carefully planted a couple of months ago are in danger of drowning , we 've had exactly two meals on our patio since Memorial Day and I haven 't gotten to go swimming once . Admittedly , given what I look like in a swim suit these days , that last one isn 't necessarily a bad thing . But still , I should at least have the option to go swimming if I want to . And when I go out for dinner , I usually have to bring along a sweater or light jacket , just in case in stops raining long enough that we might get to sit outside . A sweater , mind you …… in July ! I know that there are many areas of the country right now suffering from terrible drought , and I truly wish I could send some of our cold and rain their way . Because I am well and truly tired of it , and I want the summer I spent those cold winter months dreaming of . I want to go outside in my bare feet ; I want to eat produce I have grown myself , I want to enjoy stepping into a cool shower after coming home from the Humane Society hot and sweaty from walking dogs . Most importantly , I want the chance to grow so tired of the heat and humidity that I am actually glad when fall comes around , even though I know it will be followed by the dreaded winter . Because face it , I need my summers … . they 're what help me get through my winters ! I 'm embarrassed to admit it , but there are times when I just hate blogging . Now don 't get me wrong , I usually love working on my blog . I get to write down my thoughts and ideas , figure out a way to post a relevant photo or two , edit the post , edit it again , and finally , hit that magic " publish " button . After that , I can count on a few kind souls to hit the " like " button and maybe also leave an encouraging comment on either my Facebook page or the blog page . It 's great feeling to know that someone has actually read and appreciated what I 've written , and trust me , that kind of validation doesn 't come often from traditional publishing venues . The problem is my self - imposed schedule of publishing a new post every fourth day . I know this doesn 't matter to anyone else , but when I started blogging I knew I had to have some sort of schedule to keep me on track ( I learned this from years of free - lance writing from home . A writer who doesn 't have a strict writing schedule is often a writer who isn 't writing much . ) Usually my schedule works just fine , and I only miss when I 'm sick or the fourth day falls on a holiday , as it did yesterday . But sometimes the fourth day dawns and I realize I have absolutely no idea what I 'm going to write about this time . It 's not long before I begin to panic , thinking that I have , finally , completely run out of ideas and that I will never , ever write anything that anyone else could possibly want to read again . I begin to believe that I simply don 't have what it takes to keep a blog going for the long term . What I have learned to do when that panic hits is to sit my ample butt down at the computer , pull up a blank Word document and begin writing anyway . It takes a while , with lots of false starts , plenty of deletions and lots of time spent staring at the computer screen , trying to hone in on a single idea that can be developed into a respectable blog post . It 's hard , but I have found that if I keep trying , eventually I begin to understand what what I want to write and how I should write it , and I realize that maybe I can do this after all . After a bit more work , I usually come up with a post I am satisfied with , and my former feelings of despair and failure are replaced with a small sense of accomplishment . When I was young , I assumed that all successful writers had tons of great ideas whirling around in their heads , and all they had to do was sit down and write them out . Now I suspect that success at writing isn 't so different from success in most other areas in life : the willingness to work hard , day after day , even when you honestly believe you don 't have what it takes to get through the task in front of you . It 's turning a deaf ear to that inner voice that tells you that you can 't do this . It 's slowly learning to believe in yourself , even when it seems as if no one else does . I was talking to a friend the other day about her decision to retire from teaching at the end of this school year . This is a big change for her , and naturally she is a little apprehensive about exactly how retiring from a full - time job will impact her life and her family . I was listening to her concerns with genuine sympathy right up to the moment when she looked at me and suddenly said , " You haven 't worked full time in years , and I 've always wanted to ask you … . what exactly do you DO all day ? " Now I can be just a wee bit of a snarky bitch at times , so the immediate answer that sprang to my mind was , " Nothing much . I spend my days sitting in the recliner , watching TV and drinking Diet Coke . Every few hours I get up to go the bathroom , but that 's about it . " Of course , I didn 't actually say that , but I was definitely taken back by her question . I honestly didn 't know how to answer . I could recite a list of the things I am doing with my days or remind her that it is quite possible to work very hard without actually being paid , but I was afraid that would sound defensive , and I know she didn 't mean to offend me . But if I didn 't explain exactly how I spent my time , then I risked confirming the implication that I was simply wasting my days away . I felt judged , and not in a good way . I remember a young woman who lived in my college dorm , who was very pretty in that Farrah Fawcett style that was all the rage back then . She always hurried past me when I met her in the hallway , barely acknowledging my presence , even though most of the other women were usually willing to stop for a chat . Frankly , I thought she was stuck - up . But then one day I met an obviously confused , middle - aged woman in the lobby who was asking for her , and later heard the young woman on the phone , patiently repeating the same information over and over again . I found out that the confused middle - aged woman was her mother , who had suffered brain damage in a bad car accident years before . And the young woman I thought was a snob was really just too busy to stop and talk , what with constantly dealing with her mother 's issues while she was trying to earn a college degree . I had judged her very harshly , and I was completely wrong . And I think that 's the problem with judgement : it is so often completely wrong . We don 't know what other people are going through ; we don 't know what their hopes and dreams are ; we don 't know why they make the choices they make . And as long as they aren 't hurting anyone , we don 't need to know . I 'm sure the fact that I don 't have a real job anymore does strike some people as odd , but I know that I am living a life that is both productive and worthwhile , and the arrangement works for my husband and me . I also know that as a former stay - at - home mom who spent a lot of time and effort on books that were never published , I am a bit sensitive to questions about how I spend my days . But that 's beside the point : I really shouldn 't have to explain my life choices to anyone . And I don 't have the right to judge other people 's choices , even when what they are doing makes no sense to me whatsoever . As long as there is no neglect or abuse involved , I really do think that the old " live and let live " advice is right on target . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
We recently covered petting aggression and play aggression in cats . Today , I 'd like to address one other form of feline aggression , and it 's one that can be very frightening , as well as damaging , for cat guardians . This form of aggression is called redirected aggression , and it happens when a cat is agitated by an animal , event , or person it can 't get at . Unable to lash out at the perceived threat , the cat turns to the nearest victim . This may be another cat or pet in the household , or it may be the cat 's humans . These attacks happen seemingly out of the blue , and they can be fairly damaging to the victim . Redirected aggression is not unique to cats . The human equivalent is the man who gets so angry he wants to punch someone , and ends up punching a wall instead . What causes redirected aggression ? Most commonly , redirected aggression is triggered when indoor cats see a strange cat outside the window . Since they consider their home their territory , the outside cat is perceived as an intruder . Other triggers can include smelling a strange cat on the guardian 's hands or clothing , being frightened by something or someone , coming back inside after accidentally getting outside if the cat is normally an indoor cat , or even watching birds and squirrels outside . This kind of attack is often described by cat guardians as coming " out of nowhere . " However , from the cat 's perspective , there is always a trigger . It is important to understand that these attacks are not malicious , or even intentional on the cat 's part . The cat simply reacts to a perceived threat . I 've only experienced this once with one of my cats , and thankfully , it was an isolated incident . Feebee and I were standing by my sliding glass door looking out into the backyard . I even remember talking to him . All of a sudden , I felt his jaws clamp around my calf . I screamed - not because it was all that painful at that moment , but because I was so startled . A second ago he was sitting next to me , peacefully looking out the window . Now I saw a puffed Tags : feline behavior , petting aggression , play aggression , redirected aggression « Cats in Japan , one year laterNow available for purchase : Conscious Cat Limited Edition toys » Older comments337 Comments on Redirected Aggression : When Good Cats Attack Carissa June 23 , 2017 at 5 : 44 am ( 13 hours ago ) I have three cats , I 've had all three since they were babies and they are all 4 years old . My husband woke me up in the middle of the night yelling two of the cats are ripping each other up . I ran downstairs with him . The aggressor ( 4 year old female ) ran back upstairs . I went to the basement where the defensive cat ( 4 year old male ) was hiding in the rafters . He was growling and screaming at me , so I left him alone . I asked my husband what happened and he said the female saw a tom cat on the front porch so he ran the tom cat off and then the male meowed in the basement and she ran down there and started fighting him ( from what my husband said it was horrible , he thought she was going to kill him * she 's 3 lbs heavier than he is and naturally more aggressive ) . Now my male cat is hiding in the basement and growls when you come near . It breaks my heart that he 's so scared . I know I should leave him alone , but its so hard , I just want to comfort him . Do you think we will have peace in our home again or is this going to be a problem now ? Reply Ingrid June 23 , 2017 at 8 : 07 am ( 10 hours ago ) I know this is extremely distressing , Carissa . The good news is that you know what caused the episode , so you can prevent it from happening again . You 're going to have to leave your male alone . Keep him confined and away from your female for at least a few hours or longer in a quiet , darkened space to give him a chance to calm down . Don 't interact with him except to give him food and water . You may need to reintroduce the two cats slowly and gradually as if they had never met once he calms down . In the meantime , take precautions to prevent the stray cat from coming near your porch again and / or block off view of the porch . Reply Asel June 13 , 2017 at 10 : 19 am ( 1 week ago ) Hello ! ! ! I really need help ! My cat is 3 years old . And yesterday we neutered him . A year ago he attack me with injury bcz of his kitten . I had male and femal cat . Female one got pregnant . When we were givin away the last kitten . He was meowing all the time so my male car thought we r harming him and he attacked me . Then somehow everything was ok . So 3 days ago , my husband while coming home stepped on a urin of a stray cat beside out home . When he entered my male cat ( we only now have one cat ) start to go crazy sniffing everywhere and then run behind my husband and try to attack him . We were locked in a room for a day bcz everytime we try to open and look at him he was hissing and giving crazy sound ! ! ! So next day we took him to vet ( it was so not easy to catch him ) i was rrally afraid he will hurt me again like last year . But we got him . At the vet they neutered him and got him collar that keeps him calm . A day pass he was fine and recovering from the surgery . Where again this morning he shout that crazy sound and hissing at my husband again ! ! ! The vet said it will take few weeks till the testesterone to lower down . He is ok with me but not ok with my husband . I love my cat and there is no way i want to give him away ! ! I just need guide of what to do ! Reply Ingrid June 13 , 2017 at 10 : 51 am ( 1 week ago ) It can sometimes take days for a cat to calm down after an episode of redirected aggression . Since you know the trigger ( the cat urine your husband stepped in ) I would keep your cat in a separate room for a day or two . Interact very little with him during that time . When you do , just leave food , maybe speak quietly if he seems calm , and then leave the room . In the meantime , thoroughly clean any areas in your home where your husband might have tracked the scent of the outside cat 's urine in your home . Use an enzyme based product to get rid of all traces of scent . Once you feel that your cat has calmed down , allow him access to the rest of your house again . I hope this helps . Reply Asel June 13 , 2017 at 1 : 46 pm ( 1 week ago ) I am keeping him closed in one room . And all what he needs is available food , cold water , his litter box , toys to play . With me he is ok . I pet him and he cuddles . When i close the room he starts to cry and burning my heart bcz he feels jailed ( ( he scratch the door trying to come out . I immediately started sobbing because she scared me so much and my hand really hurt . She hid while I cleaned myself up , but tried to nuzzle me later when I was sitting on the floor . I told her ' no ' and pushed her away because I was still upset . A few hours after that , I was ready to forgive her , but she ran away when I tried to pet her . I think she knows that I was mad at her . Does anyone know what could have caused her earlier reaction in the first place ? I don 't have another cat and she couldn 't see out of a window where she was ? Any comments would be great . Reply Ingrid June 10 , 2017 at 5 : 30 am ( 2 weeks ago ) Unfortunately , it 's often impossible to tell what caused these incidents . It could have been an unusual noise or scent that set her off . Give her time to settle down . In addition to the incident , she may have been confused by you pushing her away when she tried to nuzzle you . I 'm hoping that by the time you read this , this will have blown over . If not , give her more time to cool off , possibly by putting her in a room by herself for a few hours if you can do so safely , or by leaving the house for a few hours . I wouldn 't try to pick her up until you can be sure she 's completely back to normal . Reply Nikki June 1 , 2017 at 4 : 41 pm ( 3 weeks ago ) I 'm sure you 've probably covered this , but I have to ask anyway ! My Francis is almost 3 and he 's neutered . I got him when he was 6 - 8 weeks old , he was feral with no mother identified . He was living under a trailer in a local towns trailer park . We 've lived in the same house ever since we 've been together . I adore him , to a point that my daughter gets jealous lol . The people who moved across the street from us have an outdoor cat , and she 's so sweet and friendly ! Francis hasn 't been outside since I 've had him , and while I was out checking the mail , I left only the storm door open . He likes to look outside . That 's never been a problem before , except for today . The little cat came over , and tried to go into my house . Francis was on the other side of the door , and they started hissing . Francis then reared up on his back legs , and charged at the little cat . He almost opened the heavy storm door . I backed the other cat away , and went inside . He obviously started becoming aggressive towards me . At the time I had no idea why , and I was petrified and so hurt emotionally . This is my baby cat who I love so much . I googled it , and thankfully figured out it was redirected aggression . I left him alone for awhile , and went to give him treats . He was being all lovely and affectionate , when all of a sudden he got super aggressive again . He started howling at me . I made sure he wasn 't able to see out the doors and windows before the second attack happened . I just want to know if my cat will ever be my same Doodle again , or if he 'll keep associating me with the other cat and keep attacking me . I truly love him . He 's my best boy . Reply Nikki June 1 , 2017 at 6 : 16 pm ( 3 weeks ago ) Since I posted this 2 hours ago , he 's tried to attack me 5 more times . He doesn 't do anything to my husband , or my daughter . Every time he sees me , he starts howling . It 's breaking my heart . My husband shut him in my daughter 's room , hoping it will help . I 'm the only one who 's lap he 'll sit on , I 'm the only one who he lets brush him . I hope he will love me again soon . Reply Ingrid June 1 , 2017 at 6 : 53 pm ( 3 weeks ago ) I know this is extremely distressing , Nikki . The best approach is to try to safely get Doodle into a room where he can calm down . Darken the room so there 's very little stimulation , don 't interact with him for at least a few hours and preferably overnight . It can take hours or even days for cats to settle down after an episode like this . Reply Kimberly May 1 , 2017 at 2 : 08 pm ( 2 months ago ) I have a kitten that knows when I am frustrated . I frequently get frustrated with my mom because she can 't hear and when I am talking on the phone to her and I have to raise my voice repeating over and over to her what I have just said . This really frustrates me , and when the kitten knows I am frustrated ( depending on how badly ) he comes up to my face and starts boxing me in the face . He never uses his claws but I have never seen a cat respond to frustration like that . If I am talking to my mom and trying to keep my voice low even though I am still frustrated , he can tell and comes up to my face an lightly nips my cheek . Has anyone else had this happen . I think it 's really cool because it seems as if he is getting on to me for raising my voice or getting short tempered with my mom . Reply Lauren April 23 , 2017 at 5 : 08 pm ( 2 months ago ) I have 2 males cats . One of the cats is 12 and one is 9 . I got the 9year old when he was 8 weeks old . We live in a studio apt . He has had redirected anger before when he sees other cats outside . This usually goes away after about 30 mins . Last night he freaked out when I closed the front door . I assumed that because it is finally getting warm out , he must have seen another cat . However , when I woke up this morning he was laying in his bed and hissed and howled at me when I walked by . He ran into our large back storage room . All day long , I have been going back there once every hour or two to try and give him food but he would freak out again so I just left the food on the ground . Finally , I found a vet that was open and could take him on a Sunday . I tried to get him into his kitty carrier and he viciously attacked me . I am at a loss . I don 't know what to do . My husband is out of town for work and I am scared to death . I know something is wrong with him . It 's like he 's been possessed . Any suggestions please ? ? ? Reply Ingrid April 24 , 2017 at 5 : 17 am ( 2 months ago ) It can take hours , and sometimes several days , for cats to calm down after an incident . The best thing you can do is keep him a separate room with food and water , and minimize interaction with him . I would also block off any windows where he can see the outside cats . Once he 's calmed down , you may want to try to take him to a vet again to rule out medical issues . You may also want to consider working with a feline behaviorist . I 'm so sorry this is happening to you . I know it 's terribly distressing . Reply Steph April 24 , 2017 at 7 : 33 am ( 2 months ago ) Hi , I can feel your frustration and pain and it happened to me 3 times . I have tried royal canin calming food which can be bought from a vet clinic or animal pharmacy . after my cat attacked me I have fed her this calming food and it seemed to work … Once I stopped , she attacked me again after a few months . so I decided to continue with this type of food . I guess some cats are really sensitive to noise and feelings and can get stressed especially when they see you stressed out , sad or angry . Reply Taylor Erin April 21 , 2017 at 10 : 25 pm ( 2 months ago ) Hello ! I currently have two female cats , not yet fixed , that are both a little less than a year old . My older cat by a few months has always been a bit skittish because of my 7 year old sister , but the younger one has always been the sweetest thing . Lately I 've noticed that my younger one , Leia , has been shedding a TON but still acting fine . However , being a child of a divorce , I had to take both cats to my dads house yesterday and leave them there while I was at school and then brought them back to my moms today . The older one , Rey , was fine , but Leia attacked my father which she has never done to anyone before . Then she kept acting very aggressive towards my dog as well as Rey , hissing , growling , and trying to attack them . She seemed to calm down , but after she was brought back to my moms , the aggression got even worse , to the point where my younger brother and I had to throw a towel over her to catch and seperate her from attacking the other animals and ourselves . I keep squirting her with water every time she goes to attack but I don 't know what else to do . She went from constantly purring and wanting everyone to pick her up and love on her , to an evil thing that my family if scared to be around in the span of 24 hours . Is she just stressed from moving around while being in heat or something else ? Reply Ingrid April 22 , 2017 at 5 : 27 am ( 2 months ago ) Most likely , being moved to your dad 's house and then bringing them back to your mom 's caused Leia to be super stressed , and unfortunately , that stress took the form of aggression . You need to keep her in a separate room and give her a chance to calm down . This may take several hours to several days . Once she 's calm , you may have to very slowly introduce her to Rev and to your dog . I urge you to contact your veterinarian as soon as possible for more help and to get both cats spayed as soon as possible . Reply Dottie April 19 , 2017 at 3 : 00 pm ( 2 months ago ) I adopted a cat that belonged to my friend who recently passed . She was spayed less than a month ago but has been so friendly and was getting along with my 2 other male cats I felt we would live happily ever after . Until 1 week ago , when we had a little tiff between 2 of my cats , I yelled , and she attacked me . This moment was short lived and everything went back to normal until today . Again playing got a little out of hand , i went to look and not yell and was attacked again and spent most of 3 hours locked behind closed doors because her attacks . I finally got her into a cage , my family wants me to take her to the pound but it is breaking my heart . Any thoughts , I want to give her a chance at a good life and I fear even with adoption she will never get one . Reply Ingrid April 19 , 2017 at 3 : 25 pm ( 2 months ago ) I 'm so sorry this happened to you , Dottie . I would recommend working with your vet and / or a feline behaviorist . In the meantime , keep her in a room separate from your two male cats , and keep interactions with her to a minimum until she has calmed down . Reply Kim April 19 , 2017 at 5 : 19 pm ( 2 months ago ) I felt heartbroken too and still do . I made mine an outdoor cat instead of taking him to the pound and handing him a death sentence . Some say that outdoor life is horrible but cats are designed to hunt . He sleeps on my porch and I feed him . My attack was brutal and it was the second time . I 'll do my best for him while he resides outdoors but he cannot come in again , just can 't take the chance of that being my face or one of my small dogs faces Reply Christien April 19 , 2017 at 1 : 53 am ( 2 months ago ) Ok so my house is like this … My room on one end of the house then i have to walk through the living room to get anywhere . Its small and my cat hides by the table and always waits for me to walk by to try and attack . She usually stops before the attack as long as i make it known that ive seen her as shes running at me but tonight the light was off and when she jumped at me she started biting and scratching a lot and not hissing but like when a cat is in a fight the way they meow or if you accendently step on their tail or something she started doing that like she was really trying to hurt me ? Whats that about she doesnt go outside i cant see how she would be sick , there have been no changes at all around my house , i play with her in the correct ways , no loud noises nothing that doesnt happen and hasnt happened literally everyday . . So whats up with this ? Reply Ingrid April 19 , 2017 at 5 : 27 am ( 2 months ago ) It 's possible that the fact that the light was off caused the stronger attack reaction as it was different from the usual pattern . Since you know the table seems to trigger the behavior , you may want to consider removing it , even if it 's only for a while . Alternately , toss a toy into the room before you walk in to distract her before she can get ready to attack . Reply Stephanie April 7 , 2017 at 5 : 20 am ( 3 months ago ) my cat first attacked me when we moved to our new house a year ago . a month after we moved , I started noticing that she was stressing out as she was shedding a lot of fur . She attacked me twice and both attacks happened with triggers like switching on the tap or closing the garbage lid . the attacks were traumatic since the cat didn 't stop running after me until I found the closest door and got out . she tore my clothes and my body was scratched all over . we consulted 3 different vets and we introduced calming food and sprays and after a few weeks we also got a kitten which also helped a lot . she was back to normal , loving and relaxed . Now a year after , just yesterday in fact , I was at home and accidentally stepped on the other cat 's paw ( the kitten ) , my senior cat got scared and attacked my legs and feet ! and again it was traumatizing . from the first 2 attacks it took me a month to learn to trust her again and now exactly a year after she did again for no reason ! i consulted different vets , and putting her down is not an option . also I don 't wish to put her up for adoption as she might attack others . Any help please ? Reply Ingrid April 7 , 2017 at 5 : 25 am ( 3 months ago ) I 'm so sorry , Stephanie , it 's so distressing when this happens . It sounds like she 's triggered by unusual ( to her ) noises , and in yesterday 's incident , it was probably your kitten yelping that triggered the attack . You may want to consider working with a feline behaviorist , and you may also want to discuss medication with your vet . It can make a big difference for highly reactive cats like yours . Also , keep in mind that it can take a few days for her to completely settle again after this attack . The good news for you , and I know it 's probably hard to see it that way , is that she did settle down after the initial incident , so there 's no reason to believe she can 't recover from this one . Reply Stephanie April 7 , 2017 at 5 : 32 am ( 3 months ago ) Thank you for the reply . The problem is that my younger cat didn 't even yelp , he just moved out of the way . the cat 's attacks are so unpredictable . one day she 's sleeping next to me and constantly rubbing against my feet and the next day she just attacked me for stepping on the other cat 's paw . I 'm afraid I cannot trust her again after the last attack . we are considering the option of leaving her outside in the garden and refurbish the shed to a more comfortable room . Now I am to threatened to be alone with her in the house . even the younger cat go scared and went to hide . Reply Christy April 18 , 2017 at 11 : 15 am ( 2 months ago ) I definitely feel for you . I also have a cat that attacks unpredictably … one time she bit me hard on the leg simply because my dog was whining to get out of his kennel and it stressed her out . When my husband tried to help me by removing the cat from the room , she bit him too . We both ended up having to go to the hospital because the bite wounds became infected . One time she attacked me because I tripped and fell and it stressed her out . I had to go to the hospital after that attack as well because the bite wound became infected . We don 't know what to do with her . Like you , we don 't find putting her down to be an option . Right now , she lives in a spare bedroom in our house and my husband spends a little bit of time with her each day . It 's not an ideal solution , but I 'm afraid she 'll bite us again or that she 'll attack our dog . Reply Abby March 28 , 2017 at 3 : 36 pm ( 3 months ago ) Hello , I have just recently adopted a new cat ( male ) 3 days ago , I also have another male cat . they accidentally met yesterday and were not happy but were immediately separated . I will also mention that the new cat has a lovely affectionate personality but today has lashed out for no reason at all and has attacked 2 members of my family right after being affectionate . Could the worry of another cat in the house of caused this ? Thanks . Reply April March 27 , 2017 at 12 : 50 pm ( 3 months ago ) I recently moved into a apartment with my boyfriend and his two kids 6 and 4 come over on the weekends . My cat was being fostered with some close friends for the last 6 months and she was just reunited with me . This last month she seems content , plays with kids , gets a ton of love and purring all the time . The other day she lashed out at the kids ( they were not paying any attention to her at the time ) . The 6 year old was brushing his teeth in the bathroom where we keep the litter box . She was meowing at the door and my boyfriend opened the door thinking she needed to go to the bathroom to instead start hissing at the child . He scolded her and she ran out and then aggressively attacked the 4 years and scratched her pretty good in her arm and butt . It was a traumatizing situation for all of us . I put a calming collar on the kitty and we finally got her in our room and closed the door . Not sure what triggered the attack but I have a big concern since the kids are feeling threatened and scarred of her now . Advice welcome ! Thank you Reply Ingrid March 27 , 2017 at 2 : 06 pm ( 3 months ago ) Unfortunately , it 's often not possible to identify the trigger when it comes to redirected aggression . It 's possible that she felt threatened by the closed door or a scent . It 's also possible that she saw something outside a window that had nothing to do with the child or your boyfriend . I suspect that stress played a part , too . She 's probably still getting used to the new apartment , and having the kids over may have been too much change all at once . Reply T March 12 , 2017 at 2 : 04 am ( 3 months ago ) I was petting my cat when he , a indoor cat maybe a year or two old , attacked me and when i put him outside of my room jumped at my hand by the light switch . Then he hissed at me and reared back . whats going on ? Reply Trish February 28 , 2017 at 6 : 01 am ( 4 months ago ) Hi ! I am currently trial fostering two male cats that are unrelated but best pals . The older 4 . 5 Year old has not been successful in finding a home because of his biting problem . I 'm his 7th home . What seems to be the issue is that if he is startled , he will come and chomp down on you . I 've seen a picture of the injury of one previous owner and it was pretty terrible . It caused the shelter to have his canines removed I guess to lessen the damage on flesh when he attacks . I just dropped a pair of scissors on my wooden floor and he ran over to give me my first bite . What I did immediately was to firmly grab his scruff , not too hard and not lifting him or anything . He loosened his jaws on my arm and I held his scruff for a little bit until I felt he was ok . I also said a firm NO at the same time . After I let go he was fine , I told him he was ok and he was back to his love bug self , purring and rubbing on me . Was my response appropriate ? Do I need to be worried that the attacks may be more severe in the future ? I 'm just concerned about running a blow dryer or something like that . I don 't really often use loud appliances like that , but I 'm wondering if there is a way to do like an exposure therapy with him to help reassure him ? If this is what I have to deal with , even though it is quite painful , I don 't feel it 's a reason to give up on him . Thanks ! Reply Ingrid February 28 , 2017 at 6 : 24 am ( 4 months ago ) With some cats , desensitization therapy will work . For loud noises , you 'd start by recording the noise , then playing it at a very low volume and for a very short period of time . If he 's okay with it , reward him with a treat . Gradually increase the volume and length of time , but back up if you notice signs of stress . Be very careful about handling him when he 's in attack mode . While scruffing him may work , I don 't recommend it as you 're risking additional injury to yourself if you can 't manage to grab him on the first try . |
By David Stewart This is a flash fiction piece , inspired by a prompt by Eric Alagan . The point is to write a 55 - word story about a hobo , but never use that word in the story . Go read his as well ; it 's really excellent . This is based on a true story , but since I only know it secondhand , it may not be entirely accurate . Perhaps the person associated with it will read this and let me know . I bought him shoes when he passed through town . He didn 't want a home ; said he already had one - with an expansive gesture . But the new Reeboks keep him warm and dry . By David Stewart The Galacto - Mart had a separate postal code - for every department . It was so big that customers could rent small electric cars at the front and high - speed resupply trains ran under the floor . It could be seen from space . It could be seen from the Moon . It was reported to have its own airport somewhere on the east side . It was big , is what I 'm trying to say . I always felt a sense of stomach - churning awe when we drove past the front entrance , built like a modern tower of Babel . We had heard rumors of the fabled toy department , the mecca of all things juvenile , somewhere in the misty expanses beyond Lawn and Garden . It was our dream to see it , just once , but my parents never ventured more than a few hundred meters into the store , just far enough to pick up their prescriptions at the pharmacy , eat at the first food court and maybe grab some groceries from the borderlands of the grocery department . We begged them to visit the whole store , but my dad joked that it made his credit card hurt to think about it . Finally , we decided to strike out on our own , my brother Kiefer and I . I was twelve and he was ten , so we weren 't babies , although I didn 't want to tell my parents we were going . There were stories of kids who wandered off in Galacto - Mart and just never came back . Rumor had it they turned up years later , wearing store vests and earning minimum wage . We set out one Saturday morning , when mom would be expecting us to go out and play anyway . I left a note for them in the cookie jar , where they would discover it eventually but hopefully not too soon . It was my secret hope that we would be back first , but I wasn 't confident . We took the bus over and then we were there , staring up at the massive building . " Hi , welcome to Galacto - Mart , " the greeter / customs officer said . She looked over our passports and stamped them . " What department are you headed to today ? " I just nodded and walked on , Kiefer and Jonas following and trying to look cool . " Do you want me to at least make a hotel reservation for you near the halfway point ? " the woman called after me . I ignored her . At first , it was fun . We bought provisions at the closest food court and set out , hitting a large book section and then a section of party supplies . We sat down in Stationery and ate our lunch on a table we built out of reams of paper . After Stationery , the journey immediately got awkward . We hit the plus - size lingerie section and although we tried to go around it , it went on and on and we finally dove in . None of us talked as we walked through forests of huge bras and panties . I was blushing and I didn 't dare look at the others to see if they were too . We finally hit another food court around four in the afternoon . I could tell Jonas wanted to go back and I started to regret bringing him . We ate lasagna and then started again but it was soon clear we couldn 't go much further . Kiefer was lagging and Jonas was complaining and even I was starting to feel that it was getting to be too much . Then up ahead , I saw computer games and I thought we had finally made it . But when I asked a worker , he said that Computer Games were part of Electronics , which was a sub - division of Household Goods , nowhere near Toys . We spent several hours playing with the games until I figured we should get going again . This time , we didn 't make it far . Jonas was about to turn back on his own , until I reminded him how far we had already walked that day . Kiefer was drifting off on his feet . We made camp in the Menswear department , under a forest of shirts , snuggling into a nest of hockey jerseys . The rest of the next morning was spent wandering through aisles of dog collars , road salt , beanbags chairs , and the like . Jonas sat down in the beanbag chairs and refused to get up until I threatened to leave him . There were maps along the way and I could tell we were getting close . Then , just before noon , we saw it over a rack of rakes : the Toy department . It opened up like a valley . On one side was a fluffy mass of pink and white . Unicorns and kittens romped around and behind it , a Barbie 's dream castle towered up . Near it was a castle made of Legos , wooden blocks and other building materials . There were Nerf artillery and machine gun nests on top . To get in , we had to roll a pair of huge dice and go the number of spaces it said . My space said , " Go right in ! " Kiefer 's said , " Go back to plus - size lingerie . " He started crying , so the attendant let him roll again . Jonas ' square said " Go immediately to Barbie 's dream castle " , which didn 't make him too happy . We had all just gotten in , when an electric car pulled up outside and Mom and Dad got out , looking both worried and furious . They whisked us away and grounded Kiefer and me for a month for running off . Later , when they calmed down a bit , they said maybe we could back to the Toy department for my birthday . A few weeks ago , I took a trip across Korea by myself . I 'm kind of an introvert anyway , but another reason I like traveling alone is the total freedom to do random things when I want . On the first day , I had just gotten off my second intercity bus of the day in the small rural town of Danyang in the deep mountains of central Korea . It was about 4 : 00pm and when I checked the bus schedule to see what time the bus would be leaving in the morning for the national park I was going to , I noticed the word " cave " in one of the destinations . I had not known of any caves in the area , but I hadn 't known of anything in the area , and there are few things that get me as excited as caves . I looked it up on my phone and found it was only a kilometer away . So I started walking . And I got there just before it closed . Another amazing thing about it was although it was very high , it was also incredibly narrow . This meant that as I walked through it , I was very close to everything . You could even reach out and touch some of the formations , although I felt guilty doing that , after years of warnings never to do that ( the oil in your skin can damage the stone and prevent the formations from growing . ) There was almost no one there since it was almost closing time . Interestingly enough , the two groups that went in at the same time as me were Americans . They were some of the only non - Koreans I saw the entire trip . The longer route featured a formation called Lion Rock , which looked like a lion 's roaring mouth . Unlike some rock formations ( like the bear that I could kind of see ) , it was pretty clear . You can see it here : However , this cave was not for the claustrophobic . Some places I had to squeeze through , it was so narrow , and even if I didn 't have my big pack on my back , it would have been difficult . In a few places , I had to get down and crawl for a few feet because the ceiling was so low . I guess it 's true that we don 't necessarily regret missed opportunities all the time , since we don 't know what we missed , but I am glad things worked out to go here . There was another cave up the valley from this one that I tried to go to the next day , but it was a national holiday ( Chuseok ) so the cave didn 't open until 12 : 30 and I couldn 't wait that long . I 'll just assume it wasn 't as good as this one . By David Stewart I remember our first year in Korea , long ago in 2002 . We came in late August and a few weeks later , we found out that we had a few days off , for a holiday called Chuseok . I remember that a Korean woman at church was arranging a trip to an amusement park for a lot of the foreigners because , she said , " it must be so hard to be away from your family on Chuseok . " But for Koreans , Chuseok is a big deal . It is one of the two biggest holidays of the year , along with the Chinese Lunar New Year . It falls on August 15 ( according to the lunar calendar ) which means that it always coincides with the full moon . There are several traditions at Chuseok . The main activity , like Thanksgiving , is to get together with family and eat a lot and hang out . For this reason , men and children love it , and women usually dread it . They see it as a time of pretty much non - stop cooking , which it is for them . The other traditions are cleaning the graves of ancestors , along with memorial rites . As well , the whole family gets together to make songpyeon , which are steamed rice cakes with sugar and sesame seeds inside . They are steamed with pine needles , which gives them a bit of a different taste ( although not much ) . For me , as a foreigner , the main thing I notice about Chuseok ( besides the days off work ) is the traffic . It is getting better these days with better highways , but still Chuseok traffic is usually a nightmare . I took several buses over to the central part of Korea yesterday and got to the bus terminal several hours early to make sure I could get a ticket . The thing about the traffic is that because of the geography and population distribution , the traffic is usually only horrendous in one direction . At the beginning of the holiday , everyone is trying to leave Seoul and go south , so if you go north , it 's not that bad . At the end , everyone is trying to get back up north to Seoul , so it 's reversed . Luckily , we live in the south , so we can usually avoid the worst of it ( I saw on the news that two nights ago in Seoul , there were hundreds of people waiting for buses and the buses were delayed up to 3 - 4 hours ) . Synopsis : I was hiking in the mountains of Korea when I found myself in another world . I met a young woman there named Ain - Mai . We eventually got captured , along with her brother Sing - ga , by a sorceress named Hengfel , who took us to her world . We got away from her and hid in the air tunnels of her fortress . Sing - ga died after being attacked by small spider - like creatures . Ain - Mai and I came in contact with a woman named Klista , who explained to us that she was part of the royal family of a race that used to own the tower where Hengfel was now living , but had been driven into exile by the invaders . She agreed to help us and with her followers , went with us back into the tower to find the key to get back to Ain - Mai 's world , and then to mine . There was a battle with Hengfel 's dragons , but we defeated them and used the stone circle to go back to Ain - Mai 's world . We will standing once more on the stone circle in the forest clearing where I had first met Ain - Mai . It had only been about a week before , but it seemed like months . It was early evening and the clearing was deserted , which was just as well . Anyone who had seen us appear - especially Chirik in his current blood - soaked condition - would have been scared out of their senses . " Is this your world ? " Klista asked , and Ain - Mai nodded . " This is the only way for those such as Hengfel to come here , and I will take it with me and destroy it . " She held up the medallion . " When we leave , I would suggest you destroy this stone circle . " I gave Ain - Mai a hug , not knowing the proper etiquette in her world . " I won 't forget you , " I said . " I am sorry for everything you went through . " She kissed my hand . " Thank you again for saving me , in the room with the dragons and the cages , " she said . " I will remember you always . " She took off the bracelet that allowed us to talk and gave it to Klista , Then , with a final bow , she turned and walked away into the trees . " Now I will bring you home and I can get back to more important matters , " Klista said to me in English . I said good - bye to Chirik and Bruce , and to the weird ghilzhi creature too , since he was there . Then Klista touched me on the shoulder and the world went black . " I don 't know ; somewhere in your world , " Klista said . " I just brought you to the area of your world that was closest to that last one . It 's probably near where you left . Will you be okay from here ? " I nodded . " So , " she continued , " are you going to tell people about this ? " She smiled . " That 's okay ; yours is a skeptical time . No one would believe you anyway . " She held up her hand in farewell and then disappeared in a small flash of light . It 's odd how you can get used to living in fantastic circumstances . Now that I was back , the sheer banality of my life seemed to come crashing down on me and I felt a bit depressed . I had gotten my original clothes before I had left Klista 's mansion and now I changed back into them . All except the boots , one of which was wrecked beyond repair . I was on a path and I limped slowly down it until I came to a Buddhist temple . I was hoping to sit down for a bit and relax before asking where I was , but my appearance caused quite a stir . " Are you the foreigner that has been missing in the mountains for over a week ? " one of the monks asked me . Once they found that I was , they asked all kinds of questions , most of which I could not answer without sounding insane , such as " Where were you this whole time ? " Still , they brought me in and gave me food and drink . A while later , the police came and asked me most of the same questions , plus more . It seems that the owner of the lodge where I had left my pack had reported me missing . I put off their questions as best as I could or gave such incoherent answers that they eventually gave up and attributed my condition to shock . They offered to drive me to the nearest city to buy more shoes and catch a bus back home . Just as I was leaving the temple , I noticed that the base of the stupa in the main courtyard looked familiar . It was an old carved stone circle about a foot high . With a thrill of excitement , I realized it looked very much like the one in Ain - Mai 's world . I pointed it out to the senior monk who was walking with us . Three hours later , I was sitting at a bus terminal , wearing new shoes in the biggest size they could find , which were still horribly tight on me , and thinking about my life : my normal , day - to - day life . I missed my wife and wanted to get home to her as soon as I could . She had sobbed when I called to tell her I was okay , something very uncharacteristic for her . I wanted to be there , to be able to put my arms around her and comfort her . I needed to go home - wanted to too , of course , but still , part of me wanted to be back there . Back where I could flit to another world on a stone circle , where there was uncommon dangers and I had rescued a girl from dragons , even if I had paid for it later with pain and injury . No one might believe my story , but I know the truth of it , and I knew that it had changed me . Synopsis : I was hiking in the mountains of Korea when I found myself in another world . I met a young woman there named Ain - Mai . We eventually got captured , along with her brother Sing - ga , by a sorceress named Hengfel , who took us to her world . We got away from her and hid in the air tunnels of her fortress . Sing - ga died after being attacked by small spider - like creatures . Ain - Mai and I found our way to the outside of the huge fortress where we sheltered in a small hollow . I woke up to find a small winged creature looking at me . He brought us up the mountain and through a portal into a beautiful area where we were taken care of . A woman named Klista explained to us that she was part of the royal family of a race that used to own the tower where Hengfel was now living , but had been driven into exile by the invaders . She agreed , with the help of her assistant , Bruce Riansson , and someone named Chirik , to help us get home . Soon after that , Klista transported us back to Hengfel 's fortress . When I could see again , I saw that we were in the huge stone circle room in Hengfel 's fortress . Klista was already striding towards the far wall with Bruce Riansson by her side . Chirik was to one side , his warhammer poised and ready . Klista evidently knew where she was going . She was heading straight for a narrow stairway along the side of the room . We were about halfway there when the first dragon noticed us . It flew up from one of the trenches that bordered the room , just to our left , and was about to keep going when it saw us . It curved in midair , coming at Ain - Mai and me with open jaws . Chirik was fifty feet away on the other side of us . At that moment , I would never have believed that I had even punched one of these in the face if I hadn 't remembered it , and the experience didn 't make me any less afraid . I was about to run when Chirik leapt in front of us and swung the warhammer up and into the head of the dragon . The dragon seemed to evaporate in front of the hammer and a moment later , the headless body fell twitching to the ground . " Up here is where the medallions used to be kept , " Klista said . " Let 's hope that they have not changed things . " She began to climb the long , curving stair and Bruce followed her . Chirik climbed next , so Ain - Mai and I followed him . We reached the top of the stair and entered a room . It seemed small after the huge emptiness of the stone circle room , but it was still as big as a large classroom . The walls were covered with medallions , hundreds of them , and while this was rather distressing , what caught my attention immediately was the large lizard - like creature crouched it in the middle of the room . It was bent over and glowed red and spoke with a hissing , sibilant voice . The creature seemed suddenly nervous . " I see that you have returned , my lady , but it is no good . Hengfel owns this fortress now and there is no resistance against her . " Although there were probably a thousand medallions on the walls , not all of them looked recently used . Most of them were covered with dust and only several rows near the door looked clean and bright . We started to go through these one by one . " My lady , I hate to tell you that Hengfel has been alerted of your presence , " the ghilzhi said . " She is on her way to the room below . " Klista only nodded and continued to go through the medallions . Klista walked through the door and onto the stairs . I went through and looked down , bracing myself for the sight of five or ten dragons flying around . I almost gasped out loud when I saw that the room was filled with hundreds of dragons ; not flying , but standing on the floor or hanging off the walls . In the middle of the floor was Hengfel , sitting on her huge , red dragon . " How dare you return here ? " Hengfel called out . I first thought she was talking to me , but then I realized she was talking to Klista . " You have lost and now you come back with a handful of nothings , including a few of my slaves ? Even with an army you could do nothing but die . " A dragon launched itself off the wall above and plummeted straight towards us . Just before it reached us , Chirik leapt and grabbed it by the neck . He flipped it like a hammer and used its momentum to propel himself far out into the room . The dragons all leaped to the attack . Soon he had disappeared beneath the bodies , but I saw him kill five of them before he hit the floor . Klista grabbed my hand and in a flash , Klista , Bruce , Ain - Mai , the ghilzhi and I were all standing in the center of the room , with dragons all around us . Klista held up one of the medallions and I felt a power growing around us . It worked faster than when Hengfel had done it , which was good . A nearby dragon had just started to charge us when we disappeared . I almost choked as hot air seared my lungs . We were standing on a stone circle on top of a high peak . In the distance , volcanoes erupted constantly and lava rivers flowed in the valley below us . The air was thick with ash . We were back in the huge stone circle room , but even though it seemed as only a few seconds had passed , there were much fewer dragons . Then I saw Chirik . The warhammer was spinning so fast I could barely see it . The whole room was a scene of carnage and now most of the dragons that were left alive were up in the air , flying around in confusion or fleeing to the walls . Hengfel 's dragon was high in the air . Chirik stopped when he saw us and walked over . He was a mess of blood and bits of dragon scales but he was grinning . He barely looked tired . Klista merely nodded and gave him a small smile . " We will go now , " Klista shouted , " but we will return , you can depend on it . In the meantime , here is one world you will never be able to reach again . " Klista held up the medallion to Ain - Mai 's world . The last thing I heard before we disappeared was Hengfel 's scream of rage . " … and that 's why the Kayan chief gave me this tattoo . " The bar erupted in applause . " Give me five minutes and I 'll tell you about the panther attack I survived . " Peregrine closed up at dawn , having made enough in one day to finance his search for another month . The kidnappers had said he would never find her . He 'd prove them wrong . Eve In KoreaMy Adventures As An ESL Teacher In South KoreaLuna 's Writing JournalA Place for my FictionEmerald City Literary AgencyBikurgurlI 'm just a gurl in the worldUpper Iowa University Intensive English ProgramHere 's To Being HumanLiving life as a humanThe Moving QuillWriting & Blogging by Shailaja VjenacidebybibliophileBook Reviewer and Bloggeryuxianadventurekitten loves the worldSamurai JapanStrolling South America10 countries , 675 days , 38 , 540kmIt 's All in Finding the Right WordsThe Eternal Search to Find One 's Self : Flash Fiction and BeyondReflections Of Life 's JourneyLessons , Joys , Blessings , Friendships , Heartaches , Hardships , Special MomentsA Writer 's PathSharing writing tips , information , and advice . 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MacaroonsOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . I love macaroons . It is my favorite cookie and I have yet to have made a decent one . So I am at the mercy of local bakeries when the craving strikes . To me the ideal macaroon has a delicate golden crust on the outside and a moist chewy center . The addition of coconut is an abomination , but the marriage of chocolate and almonds is a wonderful thing . I love having a mixed assortment of chocolate and plain macaroons . In high school I used to stop by a local bakeshop at least once a week and get a macaroon . They were large , about 2 ½ inches across and practically melted in your mouth . I didn 't realize until years later how fortunate I was having a local bakery that could produce such a good cookie . I can always spot a good one and I never hesitate to buy them when I find them . Passover starts next Monday and I have been baking up all sorts of things to use up my flour before Monday ( I hate tossing out foodstuffs ) . Meanwhile I have had a hankering for my beloved macaroons ; it is one of the very few cookies that are kosher year round . They are made with eggs , almonds , sugar and NO flour . A delicacy that is perfect for Passover . A few days ago I was bemoaning the lack of good bakeries and macaroons to Meryl . She pointed out that I could get some Manischewitz brand macaroons , but I told her they were completely unacceptable . They are small , hard and dry , not at all what I would view as a treat . Yesterday I decided to do something about it . I would find an acceptable macaroon in the Richmond metro area . I was going to use my precious child free time to hit as many small bakeries as I could before I had to pick up Max and Rebecca from preschool . The macaroons wouldn 't be kosher for Passover , but at least I would find a local source . The first one was a bust , they only had coconut macaroons . The second one , Jean Jacque 's , had a delicious version ; however the top was studded with almond slivers . I like my macaroons unadorned . They also had a chocolate filled and dipped version , buPosted by This week it is all about our home towns . What can you tell the axis of weevil about your roots , or lack of . " Whhhhhhy , back in MY day … " Good morning all , it 's time for you to clamber into the Wayback Machine and participate in this week 's " The More Things Change " Edition of the Axis of Weevil Thursday Three ! Our inquiries this week were supplied by our favorite college professor and small - engine repairman , who claims he was inspired by my recent jaunt through the freshly - constructed suburbs south of town - - suburbs that in my youth were full of free - roaming wooly mammoths and cave - dwellers . At least in the perception of my youngest child . Anyway , as is the usual case , all of you are free to play along by either leaving your answers in the comments below or a link to your very own blog . And away we go - - 1 . Do you still live in the town where you grew up ? If not , what do you miss the most ? If so , what has changed the most ? 2 . Does your family still own the house you grew up in ? Either way , what was it like the last time you saw it ? 3 . What is the biggest change in the last 5 years where you live now ? Okay , now that Sherman has closed us in and set the dial , my answers look like this - Hey ! Mr . Peabody is a favorite of mine and , ironically Peabody is a family name and I 'll touch upon that in a moment . 1 ) No , I do not live in either of the towns I grew up in . I was born in a small town in Litchfield Connecticut . There we lived on a dirt road surrounded by cow fields . Then , sadly , my father passed away in the summer of ' 76 and we moved to Norwich , Vt . I consider Norwich to be more of my home town simply because I have more memories of growing up in Vermont than of Connecticut . What I miss the most of my home town is winter and my mother . Norwich really hasn 't changed much . The elementary school has been renovated and expanded , but the overall flavor remains same . Dan & Whits is remains the hub of town and you can still make local calls for free from the store 's phone . As for New Milford , it has changed , but nPosted by Rebecca Originally uploaded by Teckelcar . soccerdragon Originally uploaded by Teckelcar . house & man & pets Originally uploaded by Teckelcar . This week 's artist is Rebecca . I 'm astounded by how much here art changes from week to week . Just a few days ago she decided to make a dragon with a soccer ball , which was in no small part inspired by the logo I just made for Jake 's soccer team . It is also strongly derivative of Homestar 's very own Trogdor . ( What can I say , I love Trogdor and I had a lot of fun sharing it with the kids . ) Anyway she came home from preschool with a very charming picture . It features a man with his two dogs , his house , his garden and a bird flying overhead on a cloudy day . The man is holding an orange and the little yellow thing above the house is a bee . I love Rebecca 's use of color in the picture . She fills the page with her vision and is not afraid to run a bit off the edges . My little girl is bold in life and in her art . All the worm racing excitment made me wonder what kind of sports car am I . It turns out that . . . I 'm a Ford Mustang ! You 're an American classic - - fast , strong , and bold . You 're not snobby or pretentious , but you have what it takes to give anyone a run for their money . " Take the Which Sports Car Are You ? quiz . Which is ironic since we currently have two Fords parked in the garage . My only quible is that I like the T - Bird more than the Rustang , too bad the retro - bird was discontinued . sign - ups Originally uploaded by Teckelcar . wormracing Originally uploaded by Teckelcar . This morning the boys and I noticed at the bus stop two worms were on the road . They were roughly parallel to each other and both were frantically moving towards the edge and the safety it represented . At first the longer of the two surged ahead and we were all confident to would reach the grass first . But inexplicably , with less than a ¼ inch to go , it made a hard left and moved along the edge of the road . Meanwhile shorty plugged along . When the bus arrived shorty was less than an inch away from the grass . The big guy was still moving along and started to veer back towards the middle of the road . As the boys boarded the bus I promised to stay until one of the two worms finished the race . Half a minute later shorty won and promptly buried itself in the scrubby grass . With a small stick I moved big guy , who had easily traveled three times farther than shorty , over to the relative safety of our neighbor 's lawn . I went home and promptly forgot about the worms . That is until the boys got home . The first thing Jake and Nate asked when they saw me was " Who won ? ! " They both cheered with the result and then set off on a related project , worm racing . Nate made a lovely sign featuring a race worm , complete with helmet . While Jake created a sign - up sheet and thoughtfully provided for two divisions , privately owned worms and rented worms . My intrepid worm tycoons then trooped outside . The first order of business was to get worms . They briefly consulted with me about where to get worms and I pointed them to the woods . Jake , Nate and Rebecca heeded my advice and easily found their racing stock ( Max opted out , worms and digging had no appeal to him ) . They named their favorites and put at least one into the rental worm container . Then it was off to the races . The racing complex was situated under the hammock . It is a nice bare area with hard packed dirt and plenty of sticks . The tracks were composed of two rings and several straight line couPosted by I have noticed that the right hand drain in my double kitchen sink has been a bit slow lately . The left one is fine , which led me to believe that the u - bend was clogged . Tonight the drain became downright balky which created a great deal of concern on my part . Namely the dishwasher drains into the right sink 's drain , just above the suspect u - bend . I stood there watching the sink not - really - drain as my dishwasher merrily churned away . It would gurgle and blurp , but that was about it . I even tried my tried and true baking soda and vinegar trick . There was some nice fizzing , but no progress . So off went the dishwasher . This resulted in it draining up into the sink . Now I have a sink full of dirty dish water that was oh so slowly draining away . Dang , it 's clogged and I need to do something about it . As I patiently let the sink empty , I cleared the cabinet below and positioned a bucket under the offending u - bend . Then I gritted my teeth , unscrewed the pipe and found . . . rice , a strand of spaghetti , two Popsicle sticks and more rice . All of it was in good condition and not too stinky ( yay ! ) . The rice was from tonight and the spaghetti was yesterday . My best guess was the Popsicle sticks were trapping things just enough to slow things down until today when the rice clogged it . I have no idea how the sticks got down there . Well I know a small person did it ; I just can 't believe that they were able to stuff it down through the trappy thing in the drain . Of course this drama cause the overflow valve to trip in the dishwasher and it took me a good hour and a half to figure out why the washer wasn 't filling . Luckily I remembered about the valve thing before I ended up hand washing the dishes . alfrescoOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . Today we dined alfresco . Spring is here and with it comes that short period of time when it is pleasant to eat outside . The humidity hasn 't started up , the pollen counts are low and the bugs are not yet in full force . Max was a bit leery at first , he is a little bug phobic and he spotted a yellow jacket over by the hammock today . But , I pointed out that there weren 't any up on the deck . After a bit of grumbling he got over it . I think it was when he said he was eating inside and I told him that he would be by himself . His drop dropped and he then decided that a table for one inside wasn 't so appealing . It was lovely tonight only a few gnats were about . At one point Nate started to wave his hand and started to say " It 's nice out , but . . . " and then I cut him off . I didn 't want him to bring up the bugs . I knew it would spook Max and I didn 't want him to bolt inside with his dinner half eaten . I told Nate that Max had a problem with what he was about to mention . Nate quickly understood and changed the subject . Meanwhile Jake was dying to know what it was all about . For once I was able to stop his relentless " what " by telling him I would explain all after diner . When Max went inside for a moment I brought Jake up to speed and all was right in the world . There won 't be many more nights like this . My nose is telling me that the pollen is coming and so are the bugs . Today Terry wants answers and he wants them NOW ! Down and Dirty Thursday ThreeOkay , no time for long - windedness and literary flourishes - - answer these questions , NOW ! : 1 . What are you supposed to be doing RIGHT NOW ? ( Aside from answering these questions , of course . ) 2 . How long is it going to take you ? 3 . What do you have to do after that ? GO ! RUN ! Get your keyboard and leave a comment or a link to your blog . Run ? Why should I run when I 'm already here ? 1 ) Right now I should be calling up various dachshund club members and remind them that they should all play nicely together . That is , stop spreading rumors and innuendo . This is just one of the many fun jobs I got when I was elected president , because I have the best social skills of the lot , which frightens me to no end . 2 ) The two calls shouldn 't take very long . The chattier of the two should take about 20 minutes and the other about 10 . The trick is getting a hold of everybody . Hopefully I 'll get it done before the boys come home from school . 3 ) At 1 : 00 pm I have to pick up Max and Rebecca from preschool and at some point I need to talk to the middle school guidance consular about Jake 's elective next year . Jake was a bit fuzzy on which one to choose so I offered to make a call and get more details . He is deciding between band , which lasts for the whole year and Explorations 6 , which changes every 9 weeks . He couldn 't remember all of the different offerings that E6 rotated between . Ah , the excitement of the stay at home mom with four kids that is also involved in the not so high stakes world of pure bred dogs . Some days both groups could use a long time out . JohnOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . BottomsUp Originally uploaded by Teckelcar . John has been featured before for his digging prowess , but last week he really outdid himself . He was , thankfully , out in woods when he was possessed by an extreme urge to dig . I noticed it early afternoon and thought nothing of it . A few hours later , when the boys came home from school , he was still at it . We were all astounded by the hole he was digging . As you can see here his forequarters are completely encompassed by the hole , leaving only his hind end hanging out . The hole itself about 13 inches deep . According to this site , if he were to keep on digging he would end up in the Indian Ocean , off the western coast of Australia . While he was digging I also shot some video footage of him in action . During the first third of the film I 'm on the phone with a friend and that is who I 'm talking to . This was just too funny not to share . maplesyrupOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . Today I got my latest shipment of maple syrup , fresh from the sugaring house . The boys were delighted when they found the package in the mailbox . I admit it ; I am a maple syrup snob . I get mine directly from a small sugar house in Vermont . As is true with most producers of Vermont 's most renowned product , sugaring is just a sideline . Right now he is in the midst of sugaring season , but the rest of the year he is just Wayne the builder . I got his name from my mother under recommendation from a friend of hers . I love calling them up and ordering my customary half gallon ; we chat for a bit , I place my order and 4 days later the syrup appears at my door . I don 't even get billed until after I receive the stuff and it is a far better value than what I can get locally in the supermarket . Even with the added expense of shipping . I myself don 't use it very often , but I do appreciate the difference . I have bought generic " Vermont Maple syrup , " but I 'll never get the fake stuff . Crunch has become a lumpy old dog . Most of them are lipomas ( fatty tumors ) , but one on his chest bothered me . So on Thursday I took him to the vet to get it checked out . Crunch is always a big hit at the clinic . He is a friendly dog that is happy to be there with a tail that doesn 't stop wagging . He whines in the waiting room , eager to go in back and visit his friends . The techs fuss over him and always compliment me on his fit and trim physique . I take pride in the fact that I haven 't gotten the fat dog speech . The vet checked him and promptly found a lump that he didn 't like one bit . It wasn 't the lump I found , but next to it - in his armpit ( front legpit , whatever you call a dog 's armpit ) . After lots of squeezing and messing about with the lump we decided that it needed to come out . The vet gave Crunch 's heart a good listen and declared him fit for surgery . The only tricky part was the pre - anesthetic blood draw . It took three tries on Crunch 's short boney legs until the vet was able to get a good draw . All that was left to do was for me to pick when and I decided the next day , Friday . Friday morning I dropped him off , went home and waited . Four hours later the clinic called . Mr . Crunch was fine and in recovery . The lump in question was indeed a lipoma as well as the neighboring one ( the one I found ) . Both lumps were removed and I should give a call around 3 : 00 to see how he 's doing . CrunchOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . At 4 : 30 Crunch was still out of it and was deemed not fit to go home . I did press them and they were willing to release him . But , I then realized I had John at home , an amped up three year old that has been denied his wrestling partner . Maybe having an unsteady dog with fresh stitches brought into the house wasn 't such a good idea . So Crunch got to spend a quiet night at the clinic . Saturday morning Crunch came home , hale and hearty . He hasn 't missed a beat since . I 'm just happy to have my healthy old boy back . littleRallyOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . Today I got the phone call I had been waiting for , Rally 's remains were ready for me to pick up . I drove over with Max and Rebecca , they didn 't quite understand what I was doing , but we all agreed that we missed Rally and that she was a very good dog . She was also a very cute puppy and RallyOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . she grew into a lovely dog . The litttle hand you see in the picture is Jake 's when he was about 5 months old . He loved touching his doggies and she was very patient , to a point . Fortunately when he got to be a bit too much she would have enough sense to just walk away . boppyRallyOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . Rally also was very good at finding the best seat in the house . In the third photo , not only is she on the couch , but she is happily nestled with Jake 's boppy . She looks so relaxed and comfortable . Rally & JakeOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . Rally was a very good dog . She adapted to having children in the household after four years of just Crunch and herself being the focus of Larry 's and mine attention . She was always gentle and I could completely trust her around the kids . Strange children would overwhelm her , but not her kids . I 'm glad that she is back home where she belongs . This week the Thursday Three hits the road . TEE - THREE ! Once more the calendar grinds around to Thursday , and once more we slather upon the viewing public yet another Axis of Weevil Thursday Three ! Today we 're going to talk about hometown landmarks , so all of you get your pencils ready and answer the following three questions : 1 ) If you only had one hour to show a visitor something interesting in your hometown , where would you go ? 2 ) If you then had to find that friend a great place for a quick bite to eat , where would you go ? 3 ) Now that you 've entertained and fed your friend , it 's time to send him on his way . You 're not sure which way he 's going , but he 's got a fast red convertible , and you want him to see something nice as he drives . What route from your home to someplace else , either to the north , south , east , or west would you recommend to him as the most scenic drive ? Man , I wish I was the friend in this story ! ANYway , go and answer those and either leave a link to your blog in the comments below , or the actual answer itself . Well we do have friends coming to visit in May , but they 'll be able to stay a bit longer than the above friend . 1 ) I 'm torn on what to show a visitor to the area . On one hand we could go to Maymont , which has glorious views of the James River and something for everyone . For families there is a Nature Center , Children 's Farm and Wildlife Exhibits . For the horticulturally minded there are some exquisite gardens around the mansion . Then there is the house itself which according to the website " Among historic house museums , Maymont House is rare in that no intervening families or adaptive conversions separate us from the original owner 's 32 - year occupancy . " I haven 't been inside the house yet , but it is on my list of things to do . Then there is Hollywood Cemetery . It too is located along the James River and is a one of the most unique tourist attractions I have ever been too . It is the final resting place to two U . S . presidents ( Monroe and Tyler ) , the only President of the Posted by This week it 's all about me . I 'm the artist of the week . Me Originally uploaded by Teckelcar . This picture was taken back in November , during Nate 's birthday party . It is one of the few pictures we have of me . I 'm not particularly camera shy , it 's because I take the bulk of our pictures . Anyway Larry asked me to create a logo for Jake 's soccer team . The team name is The Dragons and he wanted something with a dragon and a soccer ball . My first try was alright , but a bit too cute , it was of a dragon curled around the ball . Larry wanted something fiercer , maybe swooping towards the ball and breathing fire . DragonsLogo Originally uploaded by Teckelcar . This is what he got . The kids watched as I drew it and were very impressed . It inspired a whole slew of dragon and / or dinosaur pictures . I like drawing in pencil the feel of the lead against the page just seems right . My drawings tend toward very simple line drawings . I generally don 't go for heavy shading and fine details . I 'm quite pleased with how this came out . I 'll admit that I did cheat on the ball ; I found a picture of one and traced it , I can never get the pattern quite right on my own . But the rest of the drawing is all mine . Jordana posted a very funny clip that hits a little too close to home . Let 's take a tour of my ride and see how it stacks up . momvan Originally uploaded by Teckelcar . The outside is not too bad , but if you click through the picture you get to see all the little notes I 've added . You will also see that it is the first of a whole set of pictures about my car . Each picture has its own story to tell and it really is best to see the set with their notes , but I will post here the piece de resistance : the front passenger seat . passengerseat Originally uploaded by Teckelcar . Every time I pick up Meryl there is a frantic scramble as I clear out a place for her to sit . Even the cup holders are jammed with stuff , a mixture of batteries , change and the remains of a chewed up dog collar . Overall it 's no too bad . At least I don 't have too much old food decorating the interior , but that 's what dogs are for . Milk has been banned from the car , except for when we do drive through . Then it is promptly removed at the end of our trip . I figured that out a long time ago . It 's a car , not a science experiment . The rest of the time the kids have to content themselves with water , juice pouches and Gatorade . However I do have a number of odd things I haul about , namely Jake 's rocks . He is always picking up rocks and bringing them into the car . I can hear them rolling about the interior when I get a bit too aggressive in my driving . As soccer and baseball season ramps up a couple of folding chairs will take up residence in the rear of the van along with a couple of bats and balls and " my ride " will be complete . This morning I got treated to an over the top tantrum over . . . bagels . After Hebrew school Larry stops at a halfway decent bagel shop and picks up a baker 's dozen to bring home . Jake and Nate love picking out the bagels and each gets to nosh on one during the ride back home . A dozen bagels doesn 't last very long in our house , all of the male members in this household love bagels . Even John snagged half of one and then tried to get the rest after I wrested his prize away . This morning Jake decided to have one for breakfast , there was only two and half left : one sesame seed , one poppy seed and half a plain . Nate longingly looked on as Jake fished out the sesame and began slathering on the cream cheese . Then the sniping began . Nate wanted a bagel , but Jake decided that the one left in the bag was his too , even though he had another in his hand . I told Nate he could have the poppy seed one for breakfast at which point Jake howled . " I was saving that ! " " You already had three , I only got two ! " was Nate 's rejoinder . " But I was looking forward to having the poppy seed ; I was saving it for last . " I then offered to cut the poppy seed one in half , Nate would get that with the plain half that was left in the bag and Jake would get the other half of the poppy . " No ! ! ! ! ! ! ! That 's not fair ! ! ! ! ! " And so the tantrum began . After about fifteen minutes of some very loud and tearful drama from my eldest I noticed that it was time to leave for the bus and hustled the boys out under much protest from Jake . I only got him to leave after I asked him if he wanted me to tell the school he was late because he had a tantrum over bagels and missed the bus . Nate was just able to finish his half of the poppy seed bagel and Jake 's sesame laid uneaten on the counter . If this is what I have to endure with bagels , I don 't want then in my home any more and I want my 15 minutes back . Jake had a project at school that involved designing a cereal box based on a historical figure . He chose Elizabeth Blackwell who among other things was the first woman to receive a medical degree from an American medical school . On the box Jake wrote a short blurb on Dr . Blackwell , nutritional information and a whole mess of jokes and fun activities . I had never heard of Dr . Blackwell so I ended up learning something , much to Jake 's delight . Here is what the box looks like . I did it as a composite picture of all four sides . BlackwellJacks Originally uploaded by Teckelcar . But that is not all . For extra credit he could make a commercial for his cereal . So guess what we did this weekend . Jake wrote the script , did a short voice over and was the " attacker . " Nate got to be the innocent victim . I shot and edited the video and did a brief narration . And Rebecca got to do a brief cameo as " the jackal . " The whole thing is pretty cute . I hope his teacher likes it . Soccer and baseball has started . Jake is continuing on with soccer and has already had two practices . Nate is playing baseball and he too has had two practices . Max will have his first t - ball practice tomorrow . With three boys in three different leagues this spring will be a busy one . But what about Rebecca , what will she be doing ? Last week she said soccer , but the registration period had already closed and short of my volunteering to coach I don 't think it 's going to happen . Then she mentioned Karate . This would be very doable since there is a fairly good place not far from our house . Rebecca and I went and watched the 4 - 5 year old class last Friday night . At first she didn 't want to enter , but soon she was entranced . I even caught her a few times trying to imitate a few of the moves . But it all came apart when the instructor running the desk called us over . Rebecca sat in the chair sullen and unresponsive . All she wanted to do was go home . She would then twist around and watch the class . At that point her face would light up as she watched the other kids . It was so very frustrating for me as a parent . On one hand I had a child that loved watching , but she would become impossible and would refused point blank if asked if she wanted to join . She is very much like her oldest brother in that respect . He never wants to try new things and always has to be forced under great protest to only have a wonderful time in the end . So now what will she do ? She loves dancing , so I think we will check out some ballet classes . I had a fabulous instructor when I was very young . I had horribly turned in feet when I was little . At that time most doctors would have had me fitted with braces and such , but ours was an enlightened fellow and he recommended ballet to stretch out my muscles and straighten my feet . And it worked . I loved it at the time and I 'm not sure why I quit , it may have been the siren call of riding lessons , I 'm not sure . Any way I think my daughter would enjoy learning how to dance . The hard part will be finPosted by This week the Axis of Weevil refuses to get out of bed and wants to have a little pillow talk . To sleep , perchance to answer a blog quiz . . . That 's right , fans , it 's Thursday , and that can only mean one of several million things , but in this particular case we 're talkin ' The Axis of Weevil Thursday Three , America 's Most Restful Diversion ! As you recall from last week , if you recall , I thought I might still be a ward of the courts and so the call went out for hosting volunteers . I received no one willing to demean themselves quite THAT far , but one intrepid soul did send along a nice set of questions that we 'll get to in just a moment . As always , we invite you to play along by either answering the questions in the comment section below or by leaving a link to your own blog . Anyone can play , assuming you can read and write in English , or failing that , Alabamanese . SO THEN , on with the show - - In honor of losing an hour of sleep this weekend , I [ meaning Jim ] propose The Wonderful Night 's Sleep Thursday Three : 1 . Do you sleep on a feather pillow or foam ? 2 . Do you like a firm or soft mattress - or other if you 're an old hippie ? 3 . Do you keep it cold and sleep under lots of cover , or hot and only a sheet ? There you go now - - slip on your flannel jammies or that naughty scrap of silk that I like so much and go figure your responses . Hmm , the bed . Since it seems to be my turn to get what plague currently ails the family and all I want to do is to curl up in bed , this is a very appropriate set of questions . 1 ) Neither , we have hyper - allergenic fiber filled pillows . I can 't sleep on the down filled ones and I can 't stand the foam . We have four pillows on our bed , two soft and two firm . The firm ones provide a nice base and the soft ones are nice to bury your head in or under . They need replacing , but I hate shopping for pillows . It 's hard to get a good feel for a pillow if you can 't properly lie down and test it out . 2 ) I like a fairly firm mattress , but I think my husband would like it a wee bit softer . I can 't stand super sofPosted by This week 's artist is Jake . JakeOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . I took this picture of him in January , can 't you tell ? Today was colder than that particular week in January . And it was also colder when he took this photograph in February . crystalsOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . If you click through the photo it will direct you to the whole set . He was out by our stream when he noticed the ice crystals in the mud . He ran back to the house to tell me and I sent him out with my camera with the firm admonishment to keep the wrist strap on his wrist . At age ten , I feel that he is responsible enough to take care of my camera without direct supervision . His first set of pictures did not turn out particularly well . He was frustrated by how blurry they were , he wanted close up pictures with fine details . When he came inside and told me of his disappointment I then showed him the macro feature of the camera and told him this was the ideal situation for it . He dashed back outside and was able get some lovely shots . He was struck by the beauty of the ice crystals emerging from the mud . He thinks that the area froze and as the ground thawed some of the mud washed away exposing the miniature pillars of ice thrusting up out of the muck . I completely agree with him and I think he has a very good eye . Today I got to be a hall monitor while Jake 's grade was taking the written portion of the Virginia Standards of Learning aka the VA SOLs . I can 't help but giggle every time I hear or read about Virginia 's SOLs . It 's an absurd acronym and whoever named the tests was definitely not thinking it through . I got to spend two hours in one of the fifth grade hallways reading my book , " Harpo Speaks ! " , which is on loan from Meryl . The book had split in two and only recently had I found the first half . I was really frustrated when it was gone since I was only 10 pages in when it disappeared . Now it is firmly taped back together . Anyway , I digress . My duties consisted reminding people to keep the noise down and escorting children to the bathroom . Only one child at time was allowed in the bathroom so as to prevent them from chatting about the test in progress . On the whole it was pretty boring trotting children back and forth , but I did notice one thing . Far more boys needed to go than girls . I think it was because the boys were less inclined to go ahead of time . Meryl thought that maybe the boys were more motivated to try to escape from the test . There was one very classic moment when the other monitor leaned towards the entrance to the bathroom ( There is no door , just a short hallway with wall acting as a baffle ) and told a boy " Hurry up , other boys needed to go . " A very audible and surprised sounding " Oh ! " was uttered and then the child in question re - emerged . I was glad I could help the school out and Jake was very pleased to see me , but they have got to change the name of the SOLs . Yesterday in honor of Purim we made hamantashen . I have a hard time letting the kids help me bake . Oh I 'm happy to let them add ingredients and stir , but with the actual finishing touches I 'm loath to let them loose . It is important to me that the food looks right as well as be delicious . Presentation is important ; food should be a feast for the eyes , nose and mouth . Yesterday I actually let go for a little bit . At first only Rebecca was interested . She help mixed the ingredients and carefully supervised all additions to the dough . After the dough was properly chilled I rolled out a portion and proceeded to cut out a few circles . Rebecca was intrigued by the chocolate filling and I let her put a few dollops on the circles of cookie dough . She did a decent job at first , and then she got a little over exuberant and started overloading the cookies . After scraping up a bit of the excess filling I suggested that maybe I should take over . At this point she had her fill and happily relinquished the spoon . Then Jake asked to help out . I was rolling out the dough at the time and decided he could cut out the cookies . CuttingcookiesOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . It is just the kind of job he likes . The plastic goblet I use as a circular cookie cutter fit well in his hand and he enjoyed puzzling out how many he could cut out each time . Meanwhile Nate wanted to help too . So I took a deep breath and let him fold the cookies . NateOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . He a made a few squishy ones , and some had their filling squirt out , but he did listen and learn . Max and Rebecca were fascinated and were eagerly anticipating the finished treats . makingHamantashenOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . And this is how they turned out . hamantashenOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . They look good and taste marvelous . Next time they 'll be even better . BaseballPlayerOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . Last night we headed over to Temple for Purim . I love the whole atmosphere ; for once my children can be noisy , in fact they are even encouraged . It was a small crowd this year , but a very warm one . The Rabbi was in rare form and it was one of the funniest Megillah readings I 've ever heard . As usual the kids all dressed up . Nate had baseball practice ( which actually occurred as opposed to last year ) and stuck with his baseball uniform . Once again Rebecca was royalty . She portrayed Queen Esther and got to wear her Cinderella dress with matching shoes , scepter and crown . Jake , on the other hand , was truly inspired this year . He decided he was going to be Darth Haman , all he needed was a tricorne hat . We headed out Saturday afternoon to pick one up at our local party supply store . I figured with the popularity of Pirates of the Caribbean I should be able to find a pirate hat . Sadly they were out of the fancy version , but they did have a cheap plastic one for children . I peeled off the skull and crossbones sticker and he was good to go . He wore the hat with his Darth Vader costume sans mask and the final result was quite good . Darth Haman & Queen EstherOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . In this picture Queen Esther looks a bit distressed being near the combined evilness of Haman and Darth Vader . While we were at the party store Max admired a crown in the Mardi Gras section and decided he would be the king . Of course nothing is simple with Max and he had to refuse at least one part of his costume . He happily wore his crown , dress shirt and pants , but he balked at the cape . The King & Darth HamanOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . And as usual , halfway through the evening he changed his mind . The KingOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . Of course the service wouldn 't be complete without graggers . King & QueenOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . The dynamic duo carefully selected their weapons and proceeded to have a gragger battle . Gragger battleOriginally uploaded by Teckelcar . ItPosted by Last night we attended a pyramid concert that included the entire fifth grade of our elementary school and several " show choruses " within our school system . I think all the kids did a nice job . The quality was better with the older students , but Jake 's grade preformed well . Below is a one of the songs performed by the fifth grade . All totaled they did three songs as an individual chorus and returned to the stage for the finale that included all of the groups singing together . If you are interested in seeing more , just click here and it will direct you to my videos . Now for my rant . I 've had issues with this whole concert thing from the get go . 1 ) The music teacher stated that there was mandatory attendance for both concerts . She felt that since she had scheduled the dates months in advance there is no excuse for missing either or both concerts . Well guess what , the first one coincided with my monthly dog club meeting that I 'm obligated to attend since I 'm the president and with Larry 's economic conference in Chicago . Luckily I was able to get Meryl to take Jake . I could have dumped him with another family , but I had no idea when I 'd be getting home . It was bad enough that I was keeping my brood up on a school night , I didn 't want to ruin another family 's bedtime . 2 ) Not until the day of the first concert did we find out when she wanted the kids to arrive at the venue . As an added bonus we found out it some sort of fund raiser for the music department / choruses and that admission would be charged . One complimentary ticket per student , the rest $ 5 a head ( 5 and under free ) . 3 ) Personal video recording was not allowed at the first concert . A professional was engaged to film the concert and if we chose we could buy a copy with $ 5 of each sale going towards the music department . I think it was $ 15 a pop , but I 'm not sure . I was offended and tossed the flyer . 4 ) For the second concert we received the notice on when she wanted the kids the day before the concert . It was a slight improvement , but not by muPosted by Terry is very busy , or at least he * claims * he 's busy and asks for help with this week 's Thursday Three . Deep South Version of the Thursday Three ! Many thanks to someone even MORE Southern than I am for stepping in today with a set of questions for the Thursday Three , the Favorite International Blog Question Thing ! Many thanks this morning to Kitchen Hand ( not his real name ) who kindly volunteered to help out with the following questions . Remember , anyone is free to play along either by leaving your comments below or a link back to your own blog . SO , here we go : Thursday Three Questions : 1 ) Here , it is the first day of autumn - Wednesday 1st of March . However , in some parts of the world , the new seasons do not arrive until the 19th of the month , or later ; due to large cattle breeds called solstices and equinoxes that issue huge amounts of methane , which increases global warming and makes the seasons run late . Question : what is your favourite season , and why ? 2 ) When you started your weblog , did you deliberate over whether to choose a nom - de - blog or use your real identity ? What swayed you either way ? 3 ) Discussing religion , politics or sex has always been impolite at cocktail parties , because of the risk of embarrassing face - to - face arguments . However , this is not a cocktail party , but a blog . And since the whole point of a blog is to have robust discussions , make a comment on the first thing that comes to your mind about religion , politics or sex . Pour yourself a martini first , if it helps . Don 't forget the olive . I rather have a mudslide , but a good gin and tonic will do . 1 ) Well I love winter , but it is usually not up to snuff down here in ol ' Virginny and especially this year . I want snow and lots of with beautiful bright clear days . So I have three to choose from . Summer is too hot , I love going to the beach , but I melt when the temperatures are greater than the mid - eighties . Spring is lovely with the mild temps , spring breezes and all the pretty flowers , but with the flowers comes pollen . Blech . This leaves autumn , cPosted by |
the expression of gratitude , especially to God : Yesterday was Thanksgiving Day and we celebrated with the Lundquist family where we had turkey , dressing , mashed potatoes and all the rest of the trimmings , eating ourselves into a coma . Before the meal it is tradition to hold hands in a circle and say what you are thankful for . Most were a form of being thankful for family , some for the food we were about to partake . The list in my head was so long , I had to shorten it to family and good health . From the time the news of my diagnosis of lymphoma was known , I received numerous cards and letters from well wishers . Some from people I had never met but they knew someone who knew me and that I was in desperate need of prayers . I have saved all those cards and letters in a tin box that was part of a gift package from a good friend . Yes , you get presents when people learn you are seriously ill , this one contained a bottle of wine but unfortunately Murphy beat me to it because we weren 't home and it was left on the porch . The bottle of wine shattered on the cement step and ran down the back where a toad lived , I hope he enjoyed it . Others sent gift cards , prayer shawls , homemade candy , Sherri 's Berries , a care package full of essentials from another cancer survivor , and comfy lounging clothes for those down days . And then there was the food ! From the garden club members , neighbors , friends and our church family , it was overwhelming . The tin box has been in residence on top of the tv for the last year and it was time to purge , I 'm trying to do that all over the house and this seemed a good place to start ! I sat in our quiet kitchen and read each one all over again , some made me laugh and some made me cry . The friends , there more than one , who regularly sent cards just to let us know they were thinking of us and later celebrating with us . The little girl who belonged to the TLC club in a Storm Lake after school program , where they made colorful get well cards and delivered them to the oncology department at the BV hospital . When I felt better I wrote back to Kayla in care of the school and I later received letters from both her and her teacher . Her teacher thanked me for writing back to Kayla , that it told her she made a difference in someones life . That she was important . Never underestimate the power of a card , whether you let the card say what is in your heart , or along with a heartfelt letter . I recently visited my former co - worker who has been challenged by a life changing illness herself . She said the out pouring of love from everyone has been humbling and she is going to remember that when others are in need of encouragement . I was at the bottom of the box , the only things left were some dead bugs and dust bunnies and fond memories . The urge was strong to hang onto the cards but I was stronger , I shredded the appropriate material for Clyde 's litter box and used the rest to build a fire in the wood stove . You will be happy to learn that they not only warmed our hearts , they warmed our bodies . Last night was going out to shut up the chickens and something high up in the locust tree caught my attention , I could tell it was made out of horse tail hair and it was dangling from a branch . Too high to reach with the ladder but today Bruce brought the loader over to split wood for the stove . After we unloaded it into the garage I directed him to the tree and hopped into the bucket . But first , we must go back to the first of this week when we were expecting to work cattle bright and early Monday morning . Late Sunday afternoon I brought out the Kitchen Aid and mixed up a batch of caramel rolls , raised and rolled , spread with butter , sugar , cinnamon and a touch of brown sugar . ( I did that once because I didn 't have much cinnamon and Bruce pronounced them the best he had ever eaten so I 've kept it up . ) Then I rolled them into a log and cut into halfway equal pieces and place them in a pan with more butter and brown sugar , yum , yum ! Then they went into the refrigerator and when I woke up in the night , I went downstairs and pulled them out to raise , went back to bed and got up early to bake . For some reason I never get a good nights sleep when I 'm baking rolls for morning but the guys appreciate them . I have a feeling if I didn 't provide rolls , we would have a revolt on our hands and I 'm not taking any chances . Then we awoke to rain , heavy rain , downpour rain , soaking everything and everyone and resulting in a cancellation of the cattle working . With rain in the forecast through Wednesday , our appointment was rescheduled bright and early Friday morning . Snow was forecast but not starting till 1 PM so I wrapped the rolls in aluminum foil and put them in the freezer . Thursday was supposed to be the best day but we had a date at the UniDome in Cedar Falls to watch our hometown team play for the 8 man football championship ! ! Three years ago in their first 8 man team , they played and won , great celebrations spread throughout the land ! ! The next two years they made it to the semi - finals but couldn 't quite do it . Next year we will enter a whole grade sharing with Remsen Union and will be back to 11 man football , this was their last chance and they went into the semi - finals undefeated and won that game the Thursday before . MMC and Don Bosco played the first game at 10 : 10 so that meant I had to drag my sorry butt out of bed at 5 AM to get the horses fed and turned out before we left . When the alarm went off , I groaned , " And who thought THIS was a good idea ? ? " Bruce , bouncing out of bed , wide awake , ( it 's just disgusting , I tell you ! ) said , " Oh , it will be alright . " But the joke was on me , the horses were nowhere to be found and who could blame them ? Their usual breakfast time was no earlier than 8 and sometimes as late as 9 : 30 . We set off from home , stopping in Meriden to pick up Grassy , after one stop for food and a bathroom break , we arrived at the dome just before kickoff . The wind was blowing up a gale and it was COLD ! ! ( I have to admit I was glad we weren 't home working cattle . ) Mother Nature was promising a big snow , now beginning in the morning , for us so along the way Bruce called the vet clinic to reschedule to yet another day and the only one we could get was next Wed afternoon . Our boys started cold , ' The Dons ' , as the announcer called them had 14 points on the board before The Eagles regrouped and went on a 30 unanswered point run . We were ecstatic , yelling , jumping up and down , high fiving and letting our boys know how proud we were . Then ' The Don 's ' regrouped and started scoring again , almost catching up , but our boys would score again to stay ahead . It was a hard fought battle , our team had 21 players to the 38 of the opposing team , our boys never gave up , even though they had to be exhausted . In the end , only 5 points separated the two teams and our boys were the champions ! Bruce and Grassy wanted to stay for another game , I had my Kindle with a book loaded so I was okay but that game was becoming a blowout so we left . On the way home we stopped at Sac City to eat at The Cattleman 's restaurant who won the best burger in IA in 2011 . I had to try it , the mushroom swiss burger and was not disappointed and was very , very full when we left . We were coming up L - 51 , nearly to Meriden when suddenly we saw first fireworks and then lots of red and blue flashing lights . The fire departments from Marcus , Meriden and Cleghorn with support from the Sheriff Dept . met our boys coming home and paraded them through the towns so we joined in the parade ! ! Bruce was honking his horn and laughing like a kid again , making as much noise as he could ! People came out of their houses and lined the streets for the impromptu parade and our boys , riding in style in a luxury bus that the Marcus Action Club sprung for , got to see the community pride in them . Mother Nature was good to her word , we woke up to a winter wonderland , a sudden awakening to all the things I had not done yet . Like cover the gazebo , with 8 inches and a now , winter storm warning looming , it was time . I had to drag out the ladder , find the tarps and the bunge cords , Zoe , no more gazebo time this year . ( But , as I turn around to see her keeping me company , something tells me she 's not going to let it keep her awake at night . ) We had a bit of lull in the snow right before noon , giving us a false promise of it ending but it was just Mother Nature jerking our chain . The snow and wind picked up , now the visibility is down to about a quarter mile , we are snug in the house with plenty of corn and wood to keep the home fires burning . Our animals are all well fed and watered and some even have heated beds . I 'm sure you all are as heartsick as I am about the tragic events that the cowardice terrorists brought upon Paris last weekend . Our entire family immediately thought of Jean - Pierre Deagostini and his family who live in France . I did not have JP 's current email but my sister in law , Mary Ellen did and emailed him right away . Years ago my parents decided to host a foreign student for a month one summer and by the luck of the draw , they received Jean - Pierre . He became one of the family , we all fell in love with him and he with us . Over the years our parents , my oldest sister , Sara and hubby , Max and Denny and Mary Ellen all traveled to Europe different times to visit JP and his family who had come and visited us . JP came one summer and traveled all over the western US with one family member or another in their campers . Then one summer he came with his new wife , Valerie , and about 8 months later they had their first daughter , Emeline and a few years later , twin daughters , Marion and Celia ' . We heard on Sunday that all of the family was fine , although his oldest daughter , Emeline and her boyfriend had tickets to a concert on Monday night ( tonight as I write this ) at the same venue where so many innocent people were slaughtered . He wrote " But life has to go on , we will not change our way of living , otherwise , the terrorists would have win ! Our twin boys , Smitty and Spike , orphaned at a car wash in town when their mother was killed . As soon as I heard about it , I had to bring them home . They were best buds , always entwined as they slept , it was hard to know where one left off and the other began . Around my 40th birthday , my family was camping at Blue Lake by Onawa and Bruce and I went down to visit . Peter , my brother in law , had a recumbent bike that I tried to ride but was unsuccessful . To keep me from getting all banged up , Rosanne , Tom and Sue duct taped pillows to my arms and legs , and slapped a helmet on my head . Today is Veteran 's Day , a day set aside to honor our veterans and active members of the military , but every day should be Veteran 's Day . The first thing every morning we should thank those who have served and those in harms way for the freedoms that we take for granted . Bruce 's golfing partner , Leo , his son , Tom , who served three tours overseas and his two daughters , Peyton , on the right , and Lilly brought us a wonderful present . A flag pallet that we set up in front of the barn . I hot - footed it to Larrabee to check out the little shed , it has it 's issues but was structurally sound . My niece , Kaiza , was a little girl and I envisioned making it into a playhouse for her , I was very excited ! I hired a local guy to move it to the farm , right in front of Leo 's shop for easy building , for the mere pittance of $ 50 . And it sat . . . . . . well , you just don 't jump in without a plan . And boy did I have plans ! I wanted to put in a loft and a little seating area with a cute little table and chairs I purchased . I also bought a cute little cabinet to hold all of Kaiza 's treasures while she was playing in her playhouse . But first the roof needed to be replaced , I procrastinated , I wasn 't a carpenter so I guess I kept thinking that some night the fairies would magically appear and put a new roof on it , it didn 't happen . I still had plans , I just knew it would make the cutest playhouse but then reality struck . I came to the conclusion that Kaiza was not the type of kid to play by herself . She would not use the playhouse like I imagined . So it sat . . . . . one day my oldest sister , Sara and hubby , Max were here , Sara spotted the playhouse and fell in love with it . Their great granddaughter , Hannah , would LOVE it . I thought about it , for a total of 10 seconds and said , yes , Hannah could have the playhouse . We loaded it onto their trailer and away the little white shed went to Denison . Where it got a new roof and skids underneath to facilitate moving , and then it sat . Another two years went by , Hannah grew up and out of the playhouse mode so Sara and Max asked me if I wanted it back . How could I refuse , it would make a cute garden shed , they loaded it back on the trailer and brought it here . I leveled a spot in the back yard , put down bridge planks for it it set on and Bruce carefully moved it into place . Where it sat , it had a new roof but still needed new siding , windows and door . I 'm still not a carpenter so I procrastinated more , two years more . We were planning on going out to WI so my chore girl , Jillian , drove over to go through chores with me . She has a small flock of chickens and they needed a coop upgrade . She was telling me about a coop made of pallets she saw on Pinterest and was trying to get her dad , Tim , to build it . After she left , I looked over at my little shed and the lightbulb went on . I called Tim and said I had their new coop should he accept the challenge . He came over the next night , I pointed out the good , new roof and skids , the bad , and the just plain ugly in other places . He couldn 't accept it soon enough , he said trying to build a coop out of pallets was a nightmare ! The next day I drove past their house on the way to town and the little shed was already looking better , the worst end had new siding on it and the door in that I took over . I was so impressed ! Tim really went to town , he put new siding on each side , Jillian painted , new windows were put in and the entire shed insulated inside with new nest boxes . It was ready for occupancy . I am talking about Bruce , of course , what he was sowing was anhydrous ammonia into the bean ground so next year our corn will grow tall , strong and vivid green . My job is to haul the tanks from town . We started Tuesday and I hauled tanks till dark so Bruce would have plenty to work with while I was off on a mission Wednesday morning with two friends from the garden club . Orange City , IA has a tulip festival each May , after the tulip foliage dies down , they are all dug and stored somewhere , the beds replanted with colorful annuals , and the public is invited to ' OCTBGDs ' ( Orange City Tulip Bulb Giveaway Days ) , I just made that up but I think they should adopt it . I have never gone but Eva knew I was interested so she let me know it started on Wednesday . Sara was driving and I begged a ride and the three of us set off with bags of bags . There were three rows of these trays , each one labeled with the color but no other statistics , it was like Christmas in there ! ! On the way up Sara asked Eva if she thought she could get 15 or 20 . Eva snorted , " Bags ! " I said , " You mean you would drive all the way to OC to get 15 or 20 bulbs ? " Sara said she didn 't want to be greedy . I kept telling myself , remember you have to plant these ! ! After leaving the building with bulging bags , we headed for the bakery , we needed sustenance after that and preparing for the work ahead of us , a card store , locker famous for their meats and the Staples Outlet Store . If you need a winter coat , shirts , back pack , etc . , head to OC and shop the store . I got a name brand back pack for all my photography equipment , everything for a mere $ 15 , of course that means it weighs about 50 # but when I have it , I won 't be wishing I 'd left this or that home . We were just leaving the store when Eva received a text from another garden clubber who asked her to pick up a ' few ' bulbs also so back we went to the band shell . I chose to stay in the truck while Sara and Eva went in to shop and people watch . I saw a young woman come out with her hands full of bulbs , she went to her car , rummaged around and came out with a Frisbee . Frisbee ? Well it is a park , maybe she was going to play ? Instead she went back inside the band shell and came out later with her Frisbee loaded with tulip bulbs , guess she doesn 't keep extra bags in her car ! Finally we were on the way home , I called Bruce from our car to ask how things were going and things were not going . He was merrily driving along when he heard a noise and the tractor lost power . Upon further investigation , he discovered , to his dismay , a chunk of the fan blade broke off , cutting some hoses and belts , disabling the McCormick . But you know it could always be worse , right ? It could have gone through the radiator , but didn 't . He called the dealer at Lawton , they ordered what he needed and said it might be there the next afternoon . The rest of the day was spent in odd jobs , cutting and splitting wood since a cold front was coming in . Rain was supposed to accompany it so I was vacuuming up leaves for my compost pile and kept thinking of all the bulbs I had to plant . Every so often the leaf vac needed a time out so I dug some holes for the bulbs but then it would run again or I needed to stack some wood to dry so I never actually planted any . But I reasoned that I can plant bulbs in the rain but can 't vac leaves in the rain . It was getting dark and we had a shed to move for the neighbors , that will be my next blog , so I didn 't get any planted . Thursday morning I was headed to my sister , Rosanne 's house , so I threw in the bag of bulbs , hoping to pawn some off on her . I took my working clothes as an incentive , she dug and I planted . Next spring she should have a few bright spots around her house . She fed me and I left for home . Halfway home I received a phone call from Bruce , " I 'm going again ! ! " That was very good news , the other good news was even though it got cold , it did not rain . I hauled an empty tank to town and another one back home . Since I had my 50 # photography backpack in the truck , really , I never leave home without it now , I pulled over to the side of the road , partly into a field driveway , hauled out my big , honking lens and mono - pod to take pictures of Bruce out in the field . But back to Bruce , I was happily snapping away , here he is turning around at the end of the field , be thankful you are not downwind when the anhydrous puffs , that stuff is nasty ! And to think that is what the drug meth is made of , who in their right mind would think that is a good idea ? ? As my sister , Rosanne , says , " They aren 't in their right mind . " Our road is not very busy , I was pulled off to the side and suddenly heard a loud noise , looked up to see the school bus thundering down the road toward me . Wouldn 't you think he would slow up just a little ? ? NOOOOOOOO ! The dust was flying , I quickly pulled the camera inside the truck cab but couldn 't get the window up to avoid the dust . That was not very neighborly ! Well , I 'm coming to the end of a very chatty blog , it is quite chilly outside and windy but the sun is shining and we get dinner out today , thanks to our neighbor , Jon . He was the recipient of a ' Feed the Farmer ' promotion at the Agronomy Center in Paullina and invited us to partake also . Several years ago we were chosen and invited the entire Fuhrman family to eat with us so he is returning the favor . I must get dressed and go do battle with the bulbs , unfortunately they are not going to plant themselves . Now that would be something , a self planting bulb , like a self defrosting freezer ? Hmmmmmm . . . . . |
. . . for your participation in the Compassionate Listening training . It was a great joy and honor to be with these women who came from Nablus , Jenin , Ramallah , Bethlehem , Beit Jala and Hebron . A special thank you to the Holy Land Trust for hosting / organizing this training , and to the Foundation for Global Community , the Tikvah Fund , and individual donors for making this a reality . The women expressed great appreciation for the 2 . 5 day training , and we 'll be considering next steps . . . including Palestinian men and women together , Advanced Training , and training for leaders from Palestinian factions . . Stay tuned ! For the past two days I 've been facilitating a Compassionate Listening training for Palestinian women from all corners of the West Bank . It 's a privilege to listen to these strong and courageous women . I 've heard a lot of stories about the children , so tonight , I decided to finish this post I began last week about Ibrahim , a fourteen year old boy whose parents we met two weeks ago , during our delegation . Our group of 25 compassionate listeners travelled to Jamal and Saadiye 's West Bank home to meet with members of " Wounded Crossing Borders " - Israeli Jews and West Bank Palestinians who have been wounded in the conflict , and have decided to reach out to do the hard work of seeking the humanity on the " other side " . We were about forty people altogether , and we happily mingled on the patio , talking in small groups for the first hour , until we gathered for formal introductions and dialogue . A Palestinian member introduced himself and told us that at the beginning it was very difficult for him to meet Israelis : " I was in prison 3 times and I was shot . I got an invitation to meet with Israelis at the Dead Sea . There have been many , many meetings , including in Bosnia , Switzerland , Jerusalem and in the West Bank . " An Israeli member added : " We are forty members , working together for two and a half years now . ' Working ' is a big word for us . Because we see this as a grassroots effort . We are , as you heard , wounded , and crossing borders . I am 85 % disabled , and we 've all spent much time in the hospital . Even now , it 's not so easy … our meetings are full of feelings and emotions . And I can say , is that we are friends . We visit each other . We don 't work on a political level , but we can 't avoid it either . Recently we worked on a document that expresses our values . We are all for a two state solution , and don 't believe in violence . Working people - to - people is not less important than anything else " . Jamal 's brother Mohammad and sister - in - law ( on the far right in the photo ) looked quite agitated and depressed . Jamal invited them to speak to the group , so Mohammad shared their story : " The Israeli soldiers came to my house at midnight two nights ago . They surrounded the house for two hours , until 2 : 00am . Then they asked me to open the door . I have ten children , from age 1 - 18 . The soldiers asked me to wake all of the children up and to come outside of the house . They took my ID and looked at the IDs of all of the kids . " Then they asked for my son Ibrahim , who is fourteen and a half years old . They took him with only a shirt , and nothing on his feet . I asked the soldiers if I could bring some clothes for Ibrahim , but they refused . They beat Ibrahim in front of all of his brothers and sisters , and put a blindfold on him and put him in the jeep . They took him to a nearby Israeli settlement called Karmi Tzur . I went to the Red Cross the next day to tell them what happened . That same day at 11 : 00 I got a call from Ofer prison to say that my son will be in court the next day . We went there about 5 : 30 am and stayed until 2 : 00 pm , waiting . When we got inside the court , they brought Ibrahim in , in handcuffs and footcuffs . They told us that they could not proceed with the trial because the report was not ready . " Today we also went from 5 : 00am - 11 : 00am . As ususal , they cuffed his legs and hands , and his legs were bruised from the metal . The lawyer told Ibrahim to speak today and he told the judge that he had been beaten and threatened with electrocution , and that he had only admitted to throwing stones because he was tortured . He told the judge he did not do it . " Today the court asked me to pay 1 , 500 shekels to release him ( about $ 400 ) . In addition , they said that every Sunday , Ibrahim must report to Gush Etzion police station from 4 : 00pm - 6 : 00pm . This is a child - not even 15 years old and I refused to let him go to Gush Etzion again . I refused to pay . " Mohammad appealed to the Israeli members of Wounded Crossing Borders to come to the next court appointment , and speak on behalf of the family . They know that having Israeli civilians show up in court on your behalf would be a major event in their favor . But the Israelis told us that the case is complicated - that all is not as it seems . One of the men said , " We do our best to help each other to try to find solutions , but it 's complicated . " Apparently , one of the Israelis found out through army connections that there is strong evidence implicating young Ibrahim in the stone - throwing incident . Jamal ( our host and the boy 's uncle , in the photo on the right ) , said , " Last week , 25 Israeli soldiers surrounded me and my brother and beat us both . The children saw all of this - it happened close to our house . We live under the occupation - our homes are tear - gassed all of the time . We are prevented from going in and out of our village on a regular basis . The pressures on us are enormous . The children feel everything . They are frustrated . Throwing stones is a way the children release it . My brother , Mohammad , said to one of the soldiers , ' I am an old man with 8 children , why are you hitting me ? ' " We , Compassionate Listeners , managed to continue breathing throughout this painful story . Ibrahim 's mother was in tears and could barely speak . As the mother of a 17 - year old son , my heart went out to her . It is so painful when we , as parents , cannot project our children . We found out two days later that Ibrahim was released from prison . Though the Israelis did not show up in court , they wrote a letter to the court about their long - standing relationship with Jamal 's family . The family was overjoyed with Ibrahim 's release . Apparently , hundreds of people came to welcome him home that evening . Although this story had a positive ending , I was left with troubling thoughts . At Jamal 's house , when the boy 's imprisonment was being discussed , it was clear that the Israeli members had doubts about his innocence . But at no time did anyone stand up against or mention the beating and threat of electrocution . Let 's remember - this is a fourteen year old boy . And this is not an isolated story . I 've spent too much time in Palestine to know that . According to Amnesty International in an April 2010 press release : " Palestinian children face routine beatings , torture and strip searches . While some children only spend a few days in detention before their release , others could end up spending years behind bars , the report added . " These measures run counter to international laws , especially the [ United Nations ] Convention on the Rights of the Child , which Israel has signed and agreed to , " said lawyer Khaled Kuzmar . There are currently 7 , 200 Palestinian prisoners in Israeli jails , including 306 children under the age of 18 . " I have a issue with imprisoning children . Nearly twenty years ago , during the first Intifada , I admit to taking part in " unarresting " Palestinian youth . It was 1991 , and our delegation was staying in the National Palace Hotel in the heart of Palestinian East Jerusalem . There were almost daily skirmishes in the vicinity , and one day , our group was returning back to the hotel when we saw scores of Palestinian youth gathered in the street outside - the numbers quickly mounting . Israeli soldiers had arrested some teenagers , and an atmosphere of fear , panic and chaos ensued as more and more youth streamed into the street to protest . Some of us ventured into the crowd for a better look at what was going on . I soon found myself close to the military jeeps , and any time I witnessed a Palestinian youth arrested and placed in a jeep , a group of us would surround the jeep , pull the child out , and push him through the crowd behind us so that he could escape . To me , it felt like that story of the hummingbird who tried to put out a fire by dropping a beak 's worth of water on it at a time . These efforts didn 't amount to much , but it certainly meant a lot to the 14 and 15 year olds who ate dinner with their families that night instead of sitting in prison . 1990 and 1991 were defining years for me . I had the opportunity to stay with Palestinian families , sometimes under Israeli curfew - which would trap me in a West Bank or Gaza home for hours or days . There was nothing to do but visit and listen to all of the people in the immediate vicinity . And I was shocked with what I heard and saw . Every single Palestinian family had many horror stories concerning life under occupation . There was simply no way to rationalize it . My Israeli friends had told me that if a Palestinian family was hurt , there had to be a reason for that . But I spoke with many mothers and elderly people during those years , since the husbands and older sons were often in prison , and I was left with no doubt that the violence was systemic . To this day , almost 20 yea | I have weeks of editing and writing from the delegation to catch up with for the blog . This , however , is a personal entry . I am sitting on an Israeli bus . My destination is the beautiful hills of Galilee , overlooking the Sea . I 'm going north for an interlude with dear Israeli friends for a couple of days to visit and relax . Without being too scientific about it , I figure this must be about my 30th trip to Israel . And , sitting on this bus , I 'm nostalgic . On my first flight over at age 19 , I was sitting towards the back of the plane , engaged in conversation with a group of young travelers like myself . I was the only " first - timer " to Israel among them , so I was eager to pick up any tips and insights I could . After several hours of conversation , one of the guys looked at me , shook his head sadly , and said , " Israel is going to eat you up . You 're too nice for this country . " That worried me . But it turned out that he was wrong . Not that I wasn 't nice , but I found myself in a nest of nice Israelis . I ended up on a small kibbutz in the Judean hills , with kind Europeans , and sweet Israelis who valued my presence and made my time there a memorable experience that I 'll be forever grateful for . One of my former bosses in the orchard became a friend , and I even bring delegations to the kibbutz every few years , to walk the ruins that date back 3 , 000 years , meet some kibbutzniks , walk in their beautiful , intentional community and gardens , and listen to their stories . But everyone here knows that the kibbutzim are ( were ) a different and unique slice of Israeli life . Especially the small , less wealthy ones where you didn 't find snobbery and rank issues that persisted elsewhere . That was the first Israel that I came to know , and it was a fit . It was a very sheltered life with 250 people on a huge piece of land . My love for the ancient " bible " terraces , archeology , and the Jerusalem hills was born that year . When I returned to Jerusalem at age 22 , I met a vastly more multidimensional Israel , and it was a shock . IRead more » Over two years ago , an Israeli man named Eric Yellin , living in Sderot , created a blog with a Gazan man from Sajaia Refugee Camp . They co - authored the blog anonymously , under the names " Hope Man " and " Peace Man " . The blog spurred a movement , now an organization called " Other Voice " . On June 3 , 2010 , our Compassionate Listening delegation met with two remarkable women from Other Voice , in the community center in Moshav Netiv HaAsara , an Israeli community that literally bumps up against the Gaza border . ( In the photo on the left , you can see the first of three walls separating the community from Gaza . . . the town of Beit Lahiya is only 400 meters away ) . Here is an introduction to Other Voice , taken from their website : " Other Voice " consists of citizens who live in Sderot and Israeli communities surrounding the Gaza Strip . It is a non - partisan group ; we are not affiliated with any political party or organization . Other Voice represents a wide array of the public and its members come from diverse backgrounds and hold a broad range of opinions and beliefs . We live in a violent and unstable region , in which thousands of people from both sides of the border have been killed , wounded and hurt , including children , the elderly and other innocent civilians . The ongoing violence and escalation of the conflict have deepened the mutual fear and hatred , and destroyed feelings of personal safety . We call for creative action that will bring about a long - term and real solution to the region . We call for creative action that will take the civilians out of the circle of violence . Meet Roni ( left ) and Julia , from Other Voice : Roni : " You are visiting us here today in Moshav Nativ HaAsara , my home , with 480 families with an average of four children per family . We grow vegetables , flowers and fruit . We also grow vegetables for seed production . Beginning ten years ago , life became much more difficult . Before that , we had good relationships with our Gazan neighbors . They walked over to work here . We used to visit them and celebrate their holidays and special occasions with them . These relationships were undermined from all of the military involvement over the years , and the greater political conflict . In 2005 , our government decided to withdraw the Israeli settlers from the Gaza Strip , because the Palestinians wanted us out . And the day after the withdrawal , we had a rocket sent over . It was a direct hit , and killed 22 year old Dana Galkowicz , who was visiting her boyfriend here in our community . We are living under constant threat - we never know when it will not be a miracle . We 're all deeply affected . If I 'm walking down the room , I 'm always thinking about where I will go if I hear the rocket alarm . A Thai worker was killed by a rocket just two months ago , here in our community . ( photo : Israeli soldiers pack up for patrol during our listening session . These soldiers are stationed at the community center . ) Children are quite fearful - many can 't sleep at night . Even so , even with all this uncertainty and fear , no one leaves our community . We have many rental houses here and not one is available . We have a very strong and supportive community . Some in the community think that the only way to be is very strong militarily … and some of us think we need to come to terms with our neighbors and have a good relationship . I 'm in the latter camp . I 'm originally from England and my parents came here when I was 8 years old . My husband is an agriculturalist . The Israeli government asked my husband to go to help Israeli settlers in the Sinai ( now Egypt ) to develop agriculture . My husband left and we eventually joined him for five years there - near Yamit . My youngest daughter was five years old at the time , and did not know any Arabic or English . An Egyptian girl in her class handed out birthday invitations to every girl in class , except for our daughter . It took our two families two years to break down the defenses and become friends . Our house became a meeting place for Egyptians and Israelis . From my experience in the Sinai , I realized the importance of dialogue . When Camp David was signed , our community was evacuated , and reestablished here , directly on the Gaza border . In our group , Other Voice , we have different projects . We have friends in Gaza who we can only talk with over the phone or the internet . They 've come a few times to be with us in Israel . There are many obstacles but we are very determined . Julia Chaitin : I live in Kibbutz Urim , which is 15 minutes from the Gaza border . I am a professor of Social Work at Sapir Academic College . The College is just two kilometers away from the Gaza Strip and has received many rockets . There was a red alert ( signaling a rocket attack ) , and a student at the college tried to hide under a tree , and he was hit directly . We 've had so many injured . Their worst effect is the psychological effect - 75 - 80 % of the people here are diagnosed with PTSD . The communities here are strong , with lots of educational support . There is no - one who lives here who hasn 't had a close call , who doesn 't know someone killed or wounded . My field is the effects of long - term trauma on people . I 've done many many studies , including the last ten years on the Israeli - Palestinian conflict . ( Photo : mural on a rocket shelter on the moshav with the words : " from love , peace is born " ) I came from the United States in 1972 when I was nineteen years old . I have three children and a grandson . My first war was the 1973 war . Ten of us couples got married that summer on the kibbutz , and on the first day of the war , 2 , 500 of our soldiers were killed . My husband was called for reserve duty , and he was gone for 6 months … we had only been married for one month . He was on the Egyptian front . I was okay through all of the wars , but I started having a really hard time when my youngest son joined the Army . ( I consider myself a pacifist . ) He did go in the army - into a combat unit , and he ended up in the last war with Lebanon - on the border . I spoke to him ten times a day on the phone . He was terrified and asked what I could do . I told him " I can speak with you " . When I came here I believed that Palestinians hated us and wanted to kill us . I went to Hebrew school and studied but I never learned about Palestinians . I did a lot of things , but all with Jewish Israelis . Since the 1990s I have been much more active and have gotten to know and work with Palestinians . Conditions in Gaza are one thousand times worse than in the West Bank , if you can believe it . Over two years ago , a man named Eric Yellin in Sderot , created a blog with a Gazan man . They co - authored the blog anonymously , under the names " Hope Man " and " Peace Man " . This was the birth of Other Voice . Eric is the founder . I joined two years ago . ( Photo : the Walls separating Gaza and Netiv HaAsara ) We have 150 people in Other Voice and the core group is about 15 - 20 people . We sit in someone 's home or in Sapir College , in a circle , take a cell phone and put it in the middle of the room , and we would speak with our friends in Gaza … . men and women , old , young , secular , professional , religious . Since 2007 since Hamas took over , it 's considered an enemy entity , and we are not allowed in and they are not allowed out . All of the borders are sealed . That 's why the lifelines of the telephone and internet are so important . One very " normal " thing we do is that we all play Farmville on Facebook . I give Ahmad an olive tree … they give us things . All of my neighbors in Farmville are Palestinians in Gaza . Over the last few days they 've asked that we don 't call them . Eric has managed to get permits for young people in Gaza for two seminars that we 've held now . The young people feel caught between Hamas , Fatah , Israel and Egypt . So they lie and say that they 're going to seminars , instead of to meetings with us ( Israelis ) . These last months some of the young people have been questioned by Hamas . During the war , a number of us came out against it . Within our group , some folks thought the war was a necessity . We sent an open letter to Bibi Netanyahu a few months ago , calling for an end to the siege . Please download the letter and send it to everyone you know . The flotilla was a horrible thing . But at least people who have never talked about the siege of Gaza or wanted to think about it , are now talking about it . Just Monday , when the flotilla event happened , our two Israeli friends who live near the Gaza Border went to protest against the Israeli attack . There was a much larger contingent there of pro - Israeli supporters , and our friends were threatened . One is a single mother in the moshav , and she was told , " if you don 't write a letter apologizing , we have ways to see that you will no longer be able to live here . " Our reality here is much more polarized , much more black and white . That 's what we ' Roni : Last week I returned from a family trip to Poland - to concentration camps , etc . My thoughts kept returning to this : that we cannot let this happen , given what happened to us as a people . Other family members said , " but you can 't compare . " But it 's not about comparison … it doesn 't have to be as bad as the holocaust for us to be concerned . Julia : Israeli Professor Dan Bar - On wrote a lot during his lifetime about the " hierarchy of suffering . " Being in the victim situation lets you off the hook . Trying to compare suffering is a no win . And you see it everywhere : " Oh , you weren 't in a concentration camp , you were just in the Ghetto … " and these discussions really happen . I try to tell my students to get off the victim track . During the second Intifada ( Palestinian uprising ) , there was one front line street in the Israeli neighborhood of Gilo that was getting all the fire from Beit Jala , the Palestinian town across the valley . There was a joke going around at that time that went : okay we 'll sit together in the terrace then … okay , we 'll sit in the living room then … okay we 'll sit in the kitchen then … okay I guess we 'll sit in the freezer - anyone want some schnitzel ? We can 't get away from it . We 've tried to solve it militarily and there is no military solution . The rockets from Hizbollah almost hit the center of Israel . The next rockets from Gaza will hit Tel Aviv - they 'll be GRAD rockets that are much more sophisticated . I think I have a right not to run to a bomb shelter 3 - 4 times / day . And I think it 's their right in Gaza to live in peace and dignity . Even if we sign the peace treaty tomorrow , we 're still going to be working all this out for hundreds of years - the fear and dehumanization . Roni : I have 13 grandchildren and 7 of them live here . Anything I do today , I do for them … . for their future . ( photo on the right : Israeli soldiers stationed at the Moshav . ) ( note : Julia is also senior staff member at the Negev Institute for Strategies of Peace and Development ( NISPED ) - an NGO that works on peace and sustainable human development between Jews and Palestinians within Israel and between Israel / Palestine . See their products that are co - designed , co - designed , co - produced . ) Read Julia 's article in the Washington Post , written during the Gaza War . All photos taken by Leah Green and Ellen Greene On June 3rd , our Compassionate Listening delegation visited Shaar HaNegev Psychological Services Center , located at Sapir College in Sderot ( near the Gaza border ) . This is the most important psychological center in the Northwest Negev for those suffering with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ( PTSD ) . They also have an educational unit that works with the schools , kindergardens , and preschool children , including physiotherapy and occupational therapy . Tvi , Fajerman , Senior Clinical Psychologist and General DirectorThere are 230 therapists working in this project . We 're studying a lot about what happens here . We have no access to Gaza , we tried - we wanted to help train trauma specialists there too , but we are denied access . We know that the suffering in Gaza is more than here . I work here at the Center in Sderot , but I don 't live here . So at night I am safe . Sometimes we have questions , what does it mean to work in this kind of psychotherapy - sometimes you 're with your client working and suddenly you have a rocket alarm … all the therapists and all the clients and all the staff run into the shelter and have very interesting meetings and discussions there . When the rockets fall , and you go to the site and try to help , you also pick up " Acute Stress Response . " What happens with those who help ? The helpers run to the site - with an illusion as if they are totally safe . Five years ago a person was wounded and we saw that the helpers returned with a feeling that they really helped a lot , and that it was something they were removed from . We had a meeting a few days later , and I asked them how this experience was for them . And suddenly some of them started to cry . We see this phenomenon that the helper becomes " superhuman " and loses all fear as they are helping . We work with them to return them to their normal state - the first step is to realize that they suffered too . We think a lot about ongoing trauma … The situation that we are in is not like September 11th in the United States - one very traumatic Shimona , Educational Psychologist I started working here 8 years ago and as of 6 years ago , I now live in a kibbutz close to the Center . It 's terrifying when the rocket alarm goes off . It literally says " red color , red color … . " Even small children , age 2 or 3 , know that they have to get to a shelter . When I look at my children , in a way it makes me feel proud , but in another way , I have to ask myself hard questions . Why am I living in a place where I 'm exposing my kids to this danger ? In the difficult times , as I 'm driving in my car , or walking along a street or in a park , literally every 200 meters , the thought comes to my mind , " if the alarm goes off now , where will I run to ? " Depending on where I am I may have 15 seconds or a minute . So it 's a constant process in my mind . I don 't want to talk about politics - I know the Gazans suffer much more than we do … Three years ago , I gave birth to a child . I also had a 6 year old . I was near a safe place in a park when the rocket alarm went off , and I had 15 seconds to get to a safe place . I had a 1 month - old baby . What will I do ? I told my friend " Take the baby " - I knew my friend knew what to do . And then I ran again to my older child to see that she was safe , but I knew I was out of time . It was the worst ten seconds in my life . I know it sounds strange , but those ten seconds confirmed my decision to stay and live here . I don 't think I can explain exactly why . For me , it confirmed that there is no safe place - it 's an illusion we try to tell ourselves in life - that we can create safety . At the beginning of our work here , we taught guided imagery with the kids . We told them to " go to a safe place , " and the kids would say , " but there is no safe place . " So we changed the language to a " calmer place , when you feel good about yourself . " When I accept that there is no true " safe space " , I am forced to see that this moment is all I truly have . I can bring love and beauty to the world in every moment . Living here reminds The main problem here is the ongoing trauma . Sometimes we 've had 50 qassem rockets per day . We have no theories for ongoing trauma . So we 're inventing it . The rocket alarms started 5 years ago . I had a patient recently who was 5 years old - she lived in Sderot , the most frequently bombed city . She wouldn 't use red in her paintings or in her language , because the alarm literally screams " Red alert , red alert " . So she had to block out the word " red " entirely . In my psychologist 's hat , I can look and feel strong , but it 's a very different story as a mother . Being a psychologist can give me a feeling of safety and strength . I have a role , a helper … but as a parent , it 's completely different . When my young son was one year old , I picked him up during a rocket alarm and ran to a shelter . I was out of breath and panting . When we got inside , I looked at him , and he was panting exactly like I was . The kids mirror exactly what we do . Why am I choosing to live here ? Here , the community is highly important . As an educational psychologist , I believe that mental health is in community . There 's a sense of not being alone here . In difficult times for example , we prefer to eat in the park - we eat together . It 's less safe than to be at home , but we feel that sense of safety with each other . There are always people to talk with and share your experiences . Many people live and also work here . It 's hard to always do the right thing in our jobs . There was a bomb alarm once , here at Sapir College where our Center is . Everyone knew where the rocket fell . Many of the teachers panicked and left their students and ran to their children , who are in day care or school here . The school needed so much assistance at that time . It 's not right to judge those teachers - it 's a natural reaction . Some of them were treated like traitors … . we did a lot of work in the teacher 's lounge to bring healing to that situation . When there 's a rocket attack , first , we go to the place of the attack . We help the people to vent - we let them speak - what were they thinking ; what were they doing … what were they wearing . Next , we help them to normalize their experience - letting them know that whatever they did was okay - yelling , crying , peeing in their pants , etc . Saying it 's okay . If they are teachers , we talk about what they might expect to happen with their students , down the road . Often , the ones who used to talk a lot , now become silent , and the quiet ones become talkative . We tell them what to expect and what to look for . I wanted to assist people from the Gaza strip who wanted to come for trauma training . They even asked me if I agreed to take part in it . But we were prevented from doing this . PTSD is a felt sense of being injured or in danger of death . Israel is not safe in general . If I live in Jerusalem , there could be a suicide bus bombing , and if I live in the north , I could get hit from a Hizbullah rocket from Lebanon . You find a cavalier attitude - " drink today , we have no idea what will happen tomorrow . " We know that much of this comes from the experience in the holocaust and the famine and hard times in Europe and even here in the early days of the country . In Sderot , very old kids , sometimes teenagers , want to sleep with their parents . We used to say , that 's wrong . Nowadays , we 've changed our minds . It 's okay for your kids to be with you for periods of time , but we recommend that they sleep in a mattress next to the parents , not between the parents . We do what we can to make things easier . . . There is no way to adequately describe in words the experience of being here with Leah , Cathy and Yael , in the " Holy Land " , the land of history , the land of the foundations of three major religions , the land of love and strife , goodwill , open arms and pain , deep pain , anger and fear . You would have to look into our eyes , and see with your " eyes " , you would have to listen to our words , and hear with your " ears " , you would have to touch my heart , and let me touch yours , and do the same for the scores of people of all ages we have met , touched , listened to , been a part of at the level of heart while we have been here . You and I are privileged to be a part of something grand that is in the process of being born , and I have never heard it said more clearly than by our compassionate angels guiding us , instructing us and helping us here . Their work is truly remarkable . You feel it yourself , deep down to your toes , and you hear and see it in the others with whom you are travelling . We share in warmth , and love , laughter and tears , and we see and hear and feel it in the warmth , and love and laughter and tears of the others , the Palestinians , the Israelis , and others with whom we have been brought together in this amazing trip . We all experience the feeling we have been truly blessed to have been born in this time and this Earth , this beautiful globe , with all its diversity - each of us in our way , awakening to be an entry point for compassion , compassion even in the face of anger and hurt and fear , or as others might say , to be an entry point for the light of the Universe , or the hand of God , or the Way of the Tao , or whatever you might choose to call it . Shalom , Salaam , Peace Be with You . John Yesterday , during our visit to al - Aroub Refugee Camp in the West Bank , they held three performances for us . This is a short video of the children performing their national dance , the dabke . Most of the group stayed overnight in the Camp with families , where they enjoyed the warm hospitality of their hosts . They arrived back to our hotel this morning , tired , thrilled with their experiences , and as one participant said , " it was beyond words . . . I have never experienced such incredible hospitality . " Today our five days in the West Bank with Palestinians and Settlers is coming to an end . As soon as I have some time I have to backtrack and report on our meetings with settlers and Palestinians , which were all very special . We 're heading to Ein Karem today , and tomorrow I 'll be reporting from Sderot , as well as a small Israeli village closest to the Gaza border . We 'll be meeting with Israeli psychologist , trauma specialists , and Israelis working actively for peace by cultivating relationships with their Gazan neighbors , across the border . Stay tuned ! | |
I think I 've gotten all of the html version of Vision done . I 'm doing the pdf tomorrow . The pda , too , if I can fit it in . Tonight , though , I 'm going to do other work . I still have things to get done for the dare . So , I 'm off to do that . . . right after I get my journal done . Back later , no doubt , with more boring news . Long day . I 've done some writing on Brendan 's Song . I 've worked on my last short story for the dare . I did a lot of work on Vision . But now I 'm really getting tired , and I think I might call it a day . Silky has a fan . ( grin ) She posted at my AuthorsDen site and at the Baen Bar . I found her email address and wrote her a thank you note . I hate that this is such a short month . Too much to do , too little time . I 'll need to quit work on this soon and get back to Vision . At least I 've gotten almost 2000 words done already today . Nice when it works that way some times . There . 5095 words on Brendan 's Song . Gender change for one of the characters , which is turning out to be . . . much better than the original . I think this is going to work well . But there 's so much to do . Seven more novels , counting this one , which is barely begun . I love it . I 'm having a great time . But . . . it 's a lot of work to look at ! I am rewriting Broken Wings again . This is the second time in two months , and this time I think I may have fixed a lot of problems . Help came in the form of a rejection with some notes on what he thought was wrong . He liked the writing , just didn 't feel that the story held up . Okay , so it 's not the end of the world . But there are only two days a year that I really consider days that I can set aside to do things with Russ that I want to do . . . a ride down to De Soto is the usual trip unless the weather is bad . The idea of spending the day home , alone , has just depressed me . I 'm sure I 'll get over it . Anyway , I pulled up Brendan 's Song despite telling myself I 'd wait a few days . Hey , might as well go at it while I still have the urge to work on it . I should be reworking a few other stories , though . Hmmm . . . well , one chapter on Brendan and then off to other things , perhaps . I expect Russ to come home soon . I think he was working on the freenet mail server , since I noticed it was down and is now working . It 's a night to be home . The wind is fierce and cold . I have the electric heater on in my office , along with the regular heat , and this is the only comfortable room in the house right now . I got a little side tracked by a couple things . Well , feeding the hordes of course . Amazing how 4pm rolls around and they all line up - - in doors and at the window . Unfortunately , it is really cold out there , and most of the group is not turning up for food right now . They won 't starve . I made sure my strays are all fat for this winter , just in case a storm did cut them off from food . But what really slowed me down was a very nice post at Authorsden about my book , Silky . You know , that can make me feel as though I really am doing something right . I wish I could have written something a little more exciting in answer to her , but still . . . I made it to page 300 . Then I was hit up side the head with a four page free verse poem about a woman asking a lover from her past to meet her in the woods again . I have no idea where that came from , but it was one of those pieces that had to be written RIGHT THEN or lost . So I wrote . Russ really liked it , too . But now I am on page 300 of 445 . Holly Lisle has repeatedly pointed out my trouble with the word ' was ' so this time I am doing a last run through with the find function and seeing how many of them I can change into active constructions . This takes longer than I had expected . However , if I keep doing this will all my work , I know that I 'll start making the changes ahead of time . Not a perfect answer to passive voice , but at least something that will help . Page 311 . I must get it done and get on to other things . Vision . The last of the work for the dare . And then on to Brendan 's Song , and I hope it goes at least as well as this one did . I am at page 287 out of 445 . It really is going well , and I still intend to make it through the last pages before I go to bed . I think I 'm pleased with the manuscript . We 'll see how well it stands up before the eyes of others . It 's as though this novel has taken over my brain , though . I try to work on other things ( even this entry ) and find myself drawn back almost immediately . I have not taken that bath yet , though I think maybe I should . I need just a little distance , since I 'm starting to go ' word ' blind . Everything starts to flow together , for good or bad . A little break won 't hurt . Hours and hours later . I made it through the draft of Aubreyan , but I 'm now in the middle of a final reading , tweaking here and there as best I can . I hope to have it off tonight . That 's my intention anyway . And although this seems to be going slow , it really isn 't . Yesterday at this time it was 75f . Today it 's 29f and the wind is shaking the house . Winter has returned , and boy are the birds annoyed . I am preparing to open Aubreyan and prepare for the final attack . I have taken pills , fed the cats , looked around the house for anything else I can do . . . there are no more distractions to be found unless I go crawl back into bed , and on a day like this that 's really tempting . I love curling up in bed with a good book ( today 's is Life in the Medieval Castle by Gies ) , and listen to the storm blow over . Russ says I can have the laser printer here in the office if I would like it . Since the only printer I have is my fance Hp Photosmart , this might be a good idea . The Photosmart is very nice and prints manuscripts out just fine , but I bought it for picture printing and would like to have something that prints text a bit faster . I wrote quite a bit tonight - - something over 7 , 000 words , in fact . I am within a couple chapters of finishing Aubreyan . I also did some of the prelim work on Vision and even managed to get quite a bit done on the material for an agenda , even though the main part of the work is not yet here . I am still shocked , and a little dismayed , over Russ 's job - - though it 's not quite as dismal as it looked at first glance . The owner of the company is desperate to keep Russ on in some capacity where he can at least help move a few of the projects forward . So Russ will likely do freelance for them - - which is how his involvement with the company started , in fact . Overall , I think it 's still a good choice for Russ , just one that I would rather the didn 't have to make . But such things happen . And if things get really tight , it 's not like I 'm incapable of holding down a little job for a few hours a week . ( grin ) Russ quit his job this afternoon . The inability to work around at least one person who , while not the boss , held too much power in the company made it just impossible for him to continue there . He 's back to freelance work , which means far more days away from home again , probably . I know he has something lined up in New York again . He 'll probably even do some freelance work for the company because there are some outstanding projects that need completed . It 's quite a shock though . Tight times coming again , but we managed fine the last time . Since we 'd already decided to drop the cable ( and , alas , the cable modem ) that will be a big chunk of our expenses . I 've already started throwing out book flyers so that I 'm not tempted . ( grin ) I had hoped he would make it the full year , that we would reach June and our anniversary , and maybe have a chance to take a trip this year like ' the old days ' ( grin - - it 's only been one year without the trip ! ) , but I fully understand his reasoning behind this . I had hoped he 'd make it past my birthday ( two weeks from today ) for purely selfish reasons . But that 's life . Sometimes these things just happen . I have just survived my Cybling . Com chat , which went far better than I thought it could . I wrote in whole sentences , and had a great time . I survived it . Only about 4500 words tonight , but a lot of ' little ' things added in to help the story along . It feels like it 's moving far too slowly toward the end , but then I look at the changes I 've made , and I 'm very happy with them . I 've still got a few notes attached to my monitor , outlining a couple other things to change but they 're going very well so far . I have not started writing yet . I 'm not entirely certain what it is I have been doing today , but it wasn 't writing . A little editing , but I didn 't think it was taking me that long ! I think I stared out the window for great long stretches of time , giving my brain a rest . That must have been it . Right . If I can get another 10 , 000 tonight I might have this done Thursday or Friday . How odd . How odd that it 's going so well . And odd , too , that this starts out reading like an old fashioned fantasy series with all the old fashioned creatures and such . I had even started out with that as my entire intention . But by the end of the second book I realized I really needed to keep stepping a little farther away from the original ' world ' and find new places to take my two MCs . That 's when I decided to make that big leap to an SF world that is touched with magic . There will be forewarning of it in the last of the first book , though if anyone actually realizes it , I 'm not certain . About 20 , 000 more of the original manuscript . I don 't know how that will work out in the new version . It may go longer , or it may go shorter . Lately it has been shorter because I 've cut entire sections out . I 'm tempted to cut another . . . but I 'll leave it for now . We 're looking at about 80 - 85 , 000 which is shorter than I expected , but then again I have been cutting . I have to keep reminding myself of that . If I keep going at this rate , though , I might have it done before this weekend . That would be fun . I got my numbers backwards last night . Not 57 , 469 - - 54 , 769 . Not nearly as much work , but still all right . And I am finally back to work now . And it 's still going well . I had some real problems slow me up today , but I think I 'm finally past them . A nice evening . We had a pleasant meal , a nice walk through Staples where I bought a pop - up post - it note thingy . I am now going back over the last 100 pages of Aubreyan before I start back on the new material . From here until the end ( which is only a day or so away ) , I will write one day , go over it the next , and write more afterwards . I will never have perfection in my prose , but I can make it as close as possible . I need to not race through these novels . I need to work at a steady pace , and to make sure I do the best I can . I need to not wear myself out or burn myself out on the stories . Hello . I 'm not sure what I 'm doing today . My brain is gone and my hands are fast following it . I think I can get a major part of Abby completed today , if I can get my brain focused . It may need to sleep a while longer first , though . Odd stuff today . I 'm a big woozy - - had some food not agree with me last night . Now I 'm looking at more work . . . Maybe I 'll have something interesting to say later ! 57 , 469 for the ending count . About 5000 words , I think . Good count . I 'm very tired , though and I have to get up early tomorrow ( well , noon at least ) , so I 'm heading off to bed . If I can get a good long run at it , I might have most of Abby done tomorrow . How odd . . . Today was the day to step back , to look things over - - to edit 135 pages of another , unrelated manuscript - - and to consider how to handle the eight books . I have a plan . I have a plan so cunning you could . . . well , never mind . No more Blackadder for me for a while . I think taking a step back has been a real help , though . I also , by chance , picked up a small book to read off the shelves called The Structure of Medieval Society by Christopher Brooke . Aside from some very readable prose , it has l . Lots of very nice pictures of old city streets , one of which leapt out at me as a street close to the opening of Brendan 's Song . And that drew me a little more into the book and the concise outline of how society worked . That , too , will help with Brendan 's Song . Details . Little notes . But first I have to finish the work on Aubreyan . I 'm close . I also have to get Vision ready , of course . So far it all looks good . I 've hit a little snag in Aubreyan - - nothing drastic , and it may not look so bad tomorrow . I 've done well over 10 , 000 words today , so I 'm not worried . I think , in fact , that I might just have hit a point where I need to step away for a few hours . Sleep . Rest . I got quite a bit done ! But I 'm tired now and I 'm going to take a nap while I wait for Russ to come home . He should be here in the next couple hours . I 'm really worn down - - a lot of intense writing this afternoon and evening . And excitment , of course . And worry . I am , of course , not resting . I am working away at the first of the eight novels - - which is Abby , of course . It 's going very well . Amazing what a nice push something like this can give you . Aubreyan and the next book , Brendan 's Song , will go very quickly . They 've both been reworked since the original . After that I have first draft copies from an old Atari computer and printer of the next six , so it 's going to be very interesting to see what happens when I attack them . And now I 'm going to go read and relax for a while . The novel is moving along well . I 've no complaints . I just need to make my shoulders relax a bit tonight . And I 'm coming up on the half way point for Abby . On Monday I 'm going back to serious work on Vision , though . No , maybe I 'll wait until Tuesday , and let myself have this four day holiday weekend for the book . I like that idea . I did pick up a little bit around the house . I should think about food now , though . it would be good not to go so far that I get a headache and can 't think about it again ! Oh hell . I have a short story idea . It 's one that 's been playing at the back of my mind for days now , and it suddenly just sprang out while I was feeding the hordes . Oh - - another lovely book just arrived from Folio Society . The Rise and Fall of the House of Medici by Christopher Hibbert . All Folio books are slipcased and have beautiful bindings . I 'm going to have to set this one aside right away - - I 've only about 50 pages left on The Spartans and I don 't want to get side tracked now ! I won 't be able to keep this count up much longer . I have Vision and other things that will take my attention soon . But I might try to keep going for the rest of this weekend , and see how well I do . It 's been fun ! Time to go read about Spartan Art for a while , though . And get some sleep ! Almost up to 5000 . I 've made a big transition in the novel , and writing this next part is going to take a lot of work . It 's too . . . sappy in the original . I don 't know if I will be making these big counts after this , but I 'm going to keep trying . I took a couple aspirin . It was a mistake . Next thing I new I was flowing off into the bedroom where I dropped on the bed and didn 't move again for about an hour and a half . The novel I 'm working on , Aubreyan , is an old fashioned fantasy quest novel . It even has elves , cursed swords , and magic that can destroy the world . And it 's moving along very well . It 's when working on something like this that I truly understand the ' write what you want to read ' maxim . Aubreyan is the first of eight books , and they take the characters to a variety of worlds , some of which have sf elements . I know this series wouldn 't have a chance in a print market . Too many books , and the combination of sf / fantasy would doom it with an editor . But I enjoy them . I want to make them better , and that 's why I started the rewrite . The series might have a chance in an epublishing market because quite often those editors are interested in something that might be a little unusual . In fact , I might have some interest in the set right now , though this is way too early to tell . And the interest came after I began the rewrite , so I was already well into Abby . I have made a submission to the place , with a few chapters of Abby and a brief explanation covering the rest of the novels . I really don 't expect the books to be picked up , but since I was already working on them it seemed worth the try . Will I stop if the books don 't go ? No , I won 't . I 'll still want to make this series the best that I can , and I 'll try it other places . Maybe , eventually , it will sell . Maybe not . Maybe I should be working harder on material I 'm more certain of selling . . . . But sometimes I have to write something just because I love it . This is such a case . It 's going to be a long , long battle to make it through all eight . I am doing the ' read a few pages and then sit down and start typing ' method of rewrite . Some of the material is very close to the original . Some of it is better dropped and never remembered . I 'm filling in holes and correcting plot inconsistencies that I never would have seen when I was younger . Maybe this is just a training exercise again . Whatever it is , I 'm enjoying it . Ah well . This is just the Public Works agenda , which isn 't as long as the full council agenda . With luck it won 't take me too long ! I sent off a requested query and part of a book to an epublisher who may be interested in it . If he is . . . well , I know what I 'll be doing for a while . I 'm excited about the possiblity , though at the same time the amount of work involved really worries me . I did write another 4000 + words , which isn 't too bad . And now I 'm going to read and try to get some sleep ! Yes , probably at the same time . ( grin ) The library web site is uploading . I 've taken pictures of my Valentine 's Day presents for Russ and will be doing my regular journal next . Network 54 finally has a maintainence notice up on the site , so I know it 's not just me anymore . And Russ just emailed me , so I know he 's doing all right ! He said it was windy when they landed in Chicago , but otherwise everything was fine . I 've had three days here with just stupid little things going wrong . A couple days ago the furnace refused to turn on . It 's fine now . Then yesterday , while out shopping for groceries for me for this next four days , I dropped the camera about three feet to a cement floor . I turned it on and it said it couldn 't find the disk . So off it went , we got through shopping , and went home . Still couldn 't find the disk . I finally popped the back open and found that the disk had just slipped out of place . I placed it back in the right spot and it worked fine after that . But it was a few minutes of ' oh no not the camera ! ' ( Yes , the camera does go everywhere with me , but normally it 's inside my purse . I had some rolled papers in there , though , and didn 't want to crunch them . It was on my shoulder , and caught on a freezer door . ) Then , today , we have Pip and his tail , and Russ heading off to Chicago . Individually , none of them would have bothered me for very long . And in fact , even as a group - - with the exception of Pip 's tail - - have bothered me for long . But I do hope the rest of the week goes quietly . ( grin ) I see a lot of other people doing fancy things with their blogs , and I keep thinking I should do something . . . but you know , I do so much web stuff already that I really don 't want to make this more than just a place to do a few notes . I don 't even keep an archive . If anything important really happens , I 'll archive it in the regular journal anyway . In one of my few sane moments , I 've realized that I don 't need another distraction . It appears that the Forward Motion site is down . Isn 't it odd how something you are used to , even if you don 't really need it , can affect the rest of your day ? I keep going over to see if it 's back yet . I check Holly 's page and Holly 's Blog to see if anyone has mentioned it . I check other blogs . I come back and do some more web work . and I check again . I 'm hopeless . I haven 't done a bit of writing , I just keep going back and checking to see if things are up . I would like to say it 's my concern as the Assistant Site Host , but I 'm afraid even I couldn 't pull that one off . I slept for a few hours . It helped calm me . Pip is still running around , very upset . I think he just needs to calm down , so I 'm hoping he 'll be past this by tomorrow . This cat is giving me ulcers . I know he 's not seriously hurt . He wouldn 't be running all over and stop to eat a bit if he were . But it 's still very upsetting to see him act totally out of character . I have done the Finance Agenda , both pdf and web site - - the last is just uploading now . I have the newspaper site to do and some library pages to update . Part of the agenda for Monday is in , but I 'll wait until I have the entire piece before I work on it . Russ and I decided on email instead of phone calls this time . That 's partly because someone has been calling about 1 : 30am and hanging up - - not every night , but every now and then . Having the phone ring at that time of night is very troubling , and ( in case you didn 't notice with Pip ) , I tend to immediately over react . The phone is forwarded to Russ 's beeper , so if there is any problem , he will still be able to deal with it . And I am left in a few days of relative bliss . There goes Pip again . Sigh . Great . Now he 's back behind the clothes dryer . He couldn 't get out of there the last time . I guess I better go clear some spot for him . Russ finally just left for Omaha to catch his flight . I hope he 's not too late . He just kept getting farther and farther behind today . I don 't know why he doesn 't do some of the stuff ahead of time - - yes , I know he doesn 't have a lot of time any other day , either , but he wouldn 't be up against the time constraints of a flight to catch . And security is going to be tighter , so they may frown on his showing up . . . though it won 't be last minute , so he should be all right . Pip has calmed a bit . Russ talked to the vet and he said he doubted there was anything seriously wrong since the tail is not limp , and Pip came out to eat . He just needs to calm down . And then I 'll calm down . Oh , and I got carnations and two cute little stuffed animals ! One 's a puppy with a heart . He 's holding on to the vase with the flwoers . The other is a very cute and very soft little white bear . I 'll have to hide the flowers in the bathroom while I sleep or else the cats will have them . Carnations are a favorite snack around here . Well , so far it 's not exactly been the best morning . Russ should be leaving in a few minutes - - right now he 's delivering Princess Cricket to the vet for the next few days ( she has an on - going problem that started up again , so better that she 's there now , then have to go AFTER he 's left ) . He 's going to have to restart the FreeNet computer since it looks like it 's down . I was doing fine with the idea that Russ was leaving , even with the FBI alert up . And that he was going to Chicago , which doesn 't exactly sound safe at a time like this . Now my stomach is in knots and I 'm going nuts . Russ will not leave for the coast tomorrow . Russ will leave for Chicago instead . There were two places that needed people over the weekend , and part of the team will go to San Diego , and part to Chicago . I plan to write . I 've made a good start today by doing a bit over 2000 words , I think , on Aubreyan . Once I finally got the real feel for the story , I think I can move along very well with it . It 's about time I had something that moved . And it was , of course , my attitude that has been slowing me down . Now that I 'm past that , I seem to be doing fine again . For awhile at least . Okay , I decided enough of this laziness . I 'm working on Aubreyan , and I 've done over 1000 words already today . I don 't know how much more I will get , but so far it 's not too bad . Russ leaves for the west coast tomorrow , so we 'll have things to do tonight . That might slow me down , too . But I am going to get some serious writing done in the next few days . I 'm tired of this floating around not getting much done ! And I think we 're having problems with the furnace . ( Watching the temp drop from 38f to 33f in the last half hour ) . I know we 're having problems , but I may have gotten past part of it . The thing had just turned itself completely off . Now I suspect the fan is out . Not good . And it looks as though we might have more snow coming later this week . Ack . Just ack . I did all right on writing last night . I suspect I 'll do well again tonight despite the little bits of annoyances . Just hope Russ gets home soon ! Let 's talk about inspiration here . I 'm having trouble getting inspired for any work since the beginning of the year . This has not stopped me from writing , of course , but none of the stories have quite taken off the way I expected . I 'm not sure why because I 've had some great ' working up to it ' days . Ideas seem to be strong , right up until I start putting them down in words . I need to get inspired because I don 't want to be in a bad mood when I sit down to write . That doesn 't help . I have four unfinished pieces right now . One is just an article that needs a few pieces pasted on the end . No big deal there . I will probably do it this afternoon . The second is Aubreyan , which is the rewrite of a much older novel . And it 's not going badly . I think if I applied myself to it , I could have it really moving . But it is a rewrite and though I 'm retyping everything from scratch , it 's still not . . . inspired the way new work is . A novelette about to become a novella is The Hunter and The Hunted , and I think last night I might have finally happened on part of the problem there . I was dragging things out , and these characters do much better when they are in dire situations . I need to get them out of hiding and back to work . Never mind all this angst over the death of a friend crap ( grin ) . Now it 's time for them to go find out why she was killed . And that brings us ( finally ) to The Game of Time . I started it . I was bored . I think I had a bad POV character - - or at least I hadn 't defined the one I was using well enough . And maybe it 's too pat , the way they all get together . Yeah , I think right now , I see a major change in the set up and that might work . It means starting from scratch , which is something I don 't often do - - but it was obvious this was not working . Okay , about 255 words on the zoo stuff , and some actual pages set up this time . I really enjoyed that . It 's going to take FOREVER to get anything done on the site , but it was fun ! Now I 'm working on The Hunter and the Hunted . It 's moving along just fine tonight . Nothing spectacular , but at least it is moving . That 's good . I 've found a good link between one death and the case they 're on - - I had a tenuous link but this is much better . I like it when things link up better , but that 's the way it is when I write . I start out vague , but I often see things better as I write them . The headache is easing a bit . I 've been picking up my office and trying to settle my thoughts into a good writing mode . It 's not working very well , but that 's all right . I have all night . Russ is making French toast . It smells wonderful . I 'm not going to get any writing done before that 's done and we eat ! ( grin ) I have been wondering why The Game of Time is not kicking in for me . It should . I just apparently haven 't quite made the connection that I need to with it . I suspect that I 'm going to scrap the entire opening so far - - though in true Zette fashion , I probably won 't do that until I 've completed the first draft . After all , at this point I can 't see a better opening . I finished If It Burns last night . Like many of my stories , the ending dictates a change in the opening , and a little more depth here and there to fill out a pattern . But it is a story . Good to get it done . The snow is not terribly deep and the trees are ice covered . They 're gorgeous at sunset with a glass - like glitter . Sometimes you can see tiny rainbows around the branches . I wish I could capture that light in photography , but I 've never had good luck at it . I should sit down and start writing . There is no more web work stacked up around me . So , of course , I have a headache and the start of a head cold . My mind just isn 't locking in . I hope it does soon because I would hate to waste the rest of this day . It 's not that it 's hard work . I enjoy a lot of it . But it takes so damn long ! And after so many hours at the computer , I 'm not always as thrilled with idea of a few more to write some words . I love writing . There is nothing I would rather do , and quite often there 's nothing else I have to do . While I get frustrated with web work , it 's not exactly the worst job I could have . I 've worked in factories ( the worst ) , in an office ( or maybe that was worse ) , taking care of a bunch of kids ( Okay , that one really wins as the absolute worst job , and why I don 't have kids myself ) , and bookstores ( nice really ) , and now the web work . The web work pay is bad . The hours are generally good , and the fact that I can get done and write is wonderful . I had limited myself to working three days a week on web sites - - Wednesday through Friday . Two things changed that this week . First , I was at the zoo on Friday , and second was that they didn 't get the agenda to me until this afternoon . The wind has come up . The trees outside my window are making odd crinkly icy sounds . Hmmm . . . I think something just hit the roof . Ah well . It didn 't come through , so I 'm not going to think about it . The html stuff is uploading . I 'm not entirely certain I got it all right . But it 's going . I took an hour off for dinner in there , but basically I 've been working on this for about four hours . Four hours of agenda is too much . And I just know as soon as it 's uploaded and I get the library page done , we 'll lose power . ( grin ) It 's still snowing . It doesn 't look like we 're going to get the 4 - 7 inches that they predicted , but mostly because so much of it fell in rain / ice form . It 's still 33f out so most of the stuff that 's coming down is heavy and icy . That 's both good and bad . Good , because we won 't be ass deep in snow drifts in the morning . Bad because it 's already pulling down branches and we 're more likely to have power outages in something like this . South Sioux is lucky ( smart ) because almost all the power lines here were put underground several years ago . There are still lines that can go down , of course , but not as many . I think I have a story to finish tonight . I saw the ending the other day , and I 'd like to get back to it . That 's a good sign , I think . ( grin ) I also want to work on the zoo web site again . I did a lot of notes a the zoo yesterday ( was that just yesterday ? ) , and I 'd like to do a bit more work on it . And track down all the other zoo pictures , but that might be a bit more ambitious than I can stand right now . The pdf agenda is finally off . Now I have to do the web site version , but I hope that won 't take me too long . There were lots of problems with the version of the agenda they sent me - - duplicated material , bad hyperlinks . Now I have to clean up the doc file for the html version . Huh . Lights just flickered again . This is a heavy , icy snow , and I wouldn 't be horribly surprised to have the power go out on us . We went to Pizza Hut . It 's sort of a tradition when a storm is just breaking . The Pizza Hut is only about ten blocks away , and we could walk home if we had to . So we go there , have a pizza , and watch the snow come down . And that 's kind of what it did , though it was pretty much ice to start with . The weather has changed . I 've been watching snow for the last few minutes , althought it hasn 't stuck yet . I 'm taking a break from the agenda to eat a little soup and watch the snow for a bit . Looks like all the agenda stuff is finally in . I 'll have it done soon enough . The weather is starting to change . When I went out to grab the mail ( which included my bi - monthly rejection from F & SF ) , I was hit with small ice pellets . It 's going to turn nasty out there , I suspect . Here it is - - Saturday afteroon and I 'm waiting for two things . First is the city council agenda that I need to have to do the pdf and the web site . Russ just talked to the city clerk - - who does not work on Saturdays - - and she said they are having trouble with it . The thing must be a nightmare . I can 't say I 'm looking forward to it . I do have about a dozen attachments that I can put together early , though . That will help . The second thing I 'm waiting for is the snow . They 're pretty insistant that we 're going to get some . A lot , in fact . It 's raining now , which is never a good lead in to snow . Ice on the streets , etc . I think I 'm on the edge of being rejuvinated for writing . Things have been a little slow for me , but I 'm going to kick in soon . I can feel it building . Nothing as showy as the last few months of 2001 , but I think I 'll do all right . ( grin ) I have done considerable editing work this year already , which is different for me . Lots of stuff out . I 'm pleased . Russ is off helping someone with their computer . Luckily , it 's only a few blocks away - - so if the weather does change as quickly and badly as they say , he shouldn 't have any trouble getting home . He went grocery shopping this morning before I got up , so we 're doing well with food . A couple days , hiding out in the house , isn 't all bad . After all - - he bought me the last three Sharpe episodes on DVD a few days ago . I haven 't seen them . And we picked up the non - dubbed version of Mad Max as well . Of course with our luck , the power will go out . Ah well . Lots of batteries for the Visor - - I could still write . ( grin ) And read for that matter - - I do have a few books on it . That 's after it got dark , of course . It 's so gray out there today that I suspect it 's going to get dark early . But right now I need to get some writing done . Just a little bit of fiction , and then some more work on the zoo stuff . I also need to get to bed fairly early since we 'll be up and going in the morning . I am finally working on the zoo web site like I 've wanted to do for a long time . It is very slow work , but researching the different animals has been fascinating so far ! And this is what I 'm going to be doing for writing for a day or two at least . Maybe . You never know how I might feel after a few hours sleep . Which will happen soon . I spent a good part of the afternoon editing a piece called Playing with Fire . I think it 's about ready to go out . I 'm going to let it sit through the night and maybe print and package it in the morning . Yes , this is another piece off to a print publisher . I try to do those every now and then still . ( grin ) But here I am , remarkably awake for a change . I have a bit of housework to get done , and then I 'm coming back here and working on the stories . And fixing up the shelves , which are still a bit of a mess . It 's looking better back here , though ! If I keep up like this , I might even get the dreaded bedroom picked up . And then who knows , maybe the library . . . . Well , Okay . I know part of the answer . I didn 't want to sit down and write . And I was tired of looking at the same things , the same way , in my room . And I had the new Folio books to get shelved , and I 'd really ran out of room . Each of them is a valid little point all on it 's own . Ah , and if I pull and box all those older computer program books on the bottom shelf of the big case . . . yes , I can see possiblities with that one . I might reclaim my desk yet , though I 'm not sure . After all , I don 't think I 've really had claim to it since the day we put it together . Obviously , this was what my mind wanted . Just a little story to play with , let the imagination run for a while . The story is moving along fine . I am going to go do a couple hundred more words on Game of Time so that I 've got at least 500 on it for the day . And you know , I think I feel better about it now . Maybe my brain was just in neutral and needed to be kick - started again . It 's late . Once I get that couple hundred done - - and I reach the 1000 for the day - - I 'm heading for bed . Posted by So , that 's what I 've done for the last couple hours - - put together the billings and emailed them off . We 're big into email around here , for which I am VERY grateful . It wasn 't for much money , but it should come just before my birthday next month , which would be very nice . Go out and buy a few more books . . . . I started a short story . I was actually three paragraphs into it when I got to thinking about how broke I 've been , and then realized there might be a reason . I don 't make a lot of money , but at least it 's enough for a book or two now and then ! That probably sounds odd , but I think I 'm putting too much pressure on this story , and I need to step back and relax about it . I don 't want to mess it up . Right now I feel like the characters are dull , and that 's making the intro dull . I had better characters in my head when I started considering this story , and I need to sit back and think them out . In the mean time , I think I 'm going to work on some short stories . And Abby , which has gotten lost in the shuffle again . Just work a little bit on Game of Time and not push so hard when it 's not yet ready to fly . Writing ? Nah , that would be too easy . I have to wait until I 'm so damn tired I can 't figure out what word to put in a row . There . Another 1010 words on Game . I have introduced all five main characters , hinted at one very minor one , and brought in the only other character who will have any ongoing major part of this . All of this is very light . I 'm going to have to add more feel to it , either in the rewrite , or when I finish this section and look it over . I feel at ease with the story , which is . . . well , not as bad as bored with it , but not as good as fired up about it , either . But we 'll see how it goes from here . It may be that it 's just late and my brain is mush . Anything would be ' at ease ' at this point . I wrote a short story titled Who Rules In Hell . Good , that one 's now out of my mind . I also did most of an article , now I 'm working on the novel . It 's been a good writing day . You havne 't heard that one for a while ! I finally just did my totals for January . I thought it was a poor month , but it looks like it was just may attitude that was poor . I wrote a bit over 50 , 000 , which puts it 5 , 000 over what I did last year in January . I managed to finish a few things , sent a lot of material off , and made four sales . I guess I can stop complaining about it , now , right ? Russ had to go do some work on the FreeNet server , so he 's just going to grab some Taco Bell and bring it home . It 's nearly 9PM but I got up so late that I 'm only now starting to feel up for dinner . I also started out with an awful cough today , but some nice tea has settled that down . I worked a little bit on The Game of Time today . Part of it was messing with the names to get them a little less alike . I 'm still not sure of the one female name , but I 'll stick with it for now . I love search / replace features . And I feel better tonight , I think . I 've got my four people to the museum , they 're going to meet their fifth member for the first time . Something odd is going to happen . It will take a second time before it really kicks in , though . And I have a very short story - - maybe even flash fiction - - plaguing me right now . I might have to stop and write it to get it out of my head . A very dark story , not like much of what I write at all . 1019 and that 's it for the night . For some reason I 'm startling to babble in the story . I think it 's just that I need rest ! Sleep . . . . I 'll be back some time after noon . Don 't know what Russ and I might do tomorrow , if anything . But I 'll be back to work before too long ! 773 words . I 've managed to do a quick intro to four of the five main characters . The last one will be at the museum where they all work . 543 words . Very slow for me , but I had to go do a quick check for a car , and that slowed me again . It 's good so far , though . I just need to not draw this out too much , or I 'll lose track of what the story is really about . Hello . Been doing web work again today , at least when I wasn 't sleeping . ( grin ) For some reason I was very comfortable in bed today , and just dind 't want to get out . That doesn 't happen often . Of course I had enough phone calls and dog barking things to drive me nuts . I am going to take a bath and think out my opening . I have an idea to draw the opening out a little longer and give us a chance to meet the people involved before I throw them out into the mess I want a little more interaction from them , and show how they might bond a bit before hand . Yeah . I 'm going to do the outline stuff like I have been , and then come back and attack . . . But I am going to slow down again here . Not for long because there isn 't long left in the story . Less even than I had planned . As I draw closer , I can see the climatic scene . The piece that I was going to add afterwards - - of someone unwanted catching up with them before they 've gone far on the trail - - is not part of this story . There is no need to rush him into their company . Give them a few days ( off screen , so to speak ) on the trail before the other one catches up with them . And it will be a good start to the next story , with the antagonism right from the start . I went and took another long bath , this time better timed because there were no ringing phones . I jotted out the rest of the story , and thought my way through another very short piece that I 'll probably write tomorrow . Later today . Right now I 'm trying to finish up the writing for Brother before I crawl off to bed . That little bit of web work that I still had to do turned into a lot more work than I had expected . I 'm still finishing it up . So far , I 'm lucky it 's gone as well as it has , considering the amount of work that was in those little emails . There 's a bit left , but I thought while one is uploading , I 'd drop over here and say that , no , I haven 't gotten any writing done yet . . . |
For the past two years I 've had really dry , flaky and itchy skin on my arms . It became so bad that I was scratching throughout the night and waking up with sores and scabs all over my arms . Last summer I did not wear short sleeves and I was expecting the same this year . I 've been to the doctor and was prescribed steroid cream which helped a lot , but because of it 's nature it can only be used for seven days then you have to take a break . So , although it was effective for a while it didn 't help long term . In - between I 've been using a BP cream , which doesn 't really help much and is very greasy . After reading about the Super Hydrating Body Balm from Saaf I thought that it may be the product to help me . The ingredients are : Safflower oil , sesame oil , beeswax , shae butter and black seed oil . Ylang ylang , patchouli , lavender and clove essential oils are added for their softening effect and fragrance . The packaging is very classic looking , you get a mostly white box with a green stripe and a beige stripe . The logo is in gold and their is a gold trim around the inner jar giving it a luxurious look . The jar holds 150g of balm which is a fair amount for the cost . The first thing I noticed on opening the jar was that the balm was solid , not a cream , this is because of the beeswax . The second thing I noticed was the smell , the essential oils were quite strong and I did worry that they may be a little too strong . It was a nice smell but I usually go for products with little or no smell , I don 't like things to smell like perfume . Once applied , however , the smell is much less noticeable and is really pleasant and soothing . The balm is easy to apply , although at first you may want to warm your hands a little to melt the beeswax . It sinks into the skin beautifully and leaves behind no lasting residue , just a soft silkiness and a delicate smell . I have used the balm on my arms only so far but it is meant to be used all over , paying particular attention to especially dry areas like elbows and knees . Saaf skincare is very pure and made with natural organic ingredients and no alcohol , fragrance or chemicals . Even the name Saaf is persian for pure . They sell products for the face , body and haircare . I love beeswax products so as soon as I opened my balm I was happy . I was worried about the strong smell , but it did fade a little once applied , and it was actually an nice smell of essential oils which have a relaxing therapeutic effect . I found the balm easy to apply and it was not greasy but left me with a soft silky feeling . I noticed straight away that it calmed the poorly skin on my arms and the itching fading dramatically after just a couple of uses . Two weeks on and I am happy to report that I have not been scratching and I have no scabs or sores on my arms . My skin is softer , in fact my elbows are the softest they 've been in many years . My skin feels soothed and supple rather than dry , flaky and itchy . I still have the scars from before but I am hoping they too will fade in time . I will wear short sleeves this summer and hopefully a little sun will darken my arms and make the scars less noticeable . It is such a relief not to be itching all the time , even my family have commented on my lack of scratching my arms . I am so happy that I had the chance to review this product , I would recommend it to anyone with dry , itchy skin . I was given a jar of Saaf Hydrating Body Balm for the purpose of this review . All thoughts and opinions are entirely my own . It was a lovely day so we decided to walk down to the duck pond . It 's only a five minute walk and it 's a lovely place to visit . Once the bread is finished and we 've walked around the pond we like to go to the playground . If it 's a really nice day we venture a little further and go across the fields to the stream where the little ones like to paddle . We 'll save that for another day though . While we were there we witnessed a rather ugly duck get into a bit of a squabble . The other ducks very loudly gave him his marching orders and forced him out of the pond and up over the grassy hill . I couldn 't help but start singing ; Where we live there is a castle at the end of the road . It was never actually a castle but a fortified manor house , it was quite impressive in it 's time . The area was named after it . The path behind the castle leads right into the next district , hidden from view with houses either side . It actually runs alongside a dried up canal . Some parts are overgrown some quite passable . We like to follow it right up through the park to the main duel carriageway . From here it goes underground and it 's not possible to follow it . It 's a lovely walk on a nice day . There isn 't really much left of the castle itself . In recent years there was a grant which was used to preserve and repair the area . It 's mostly fenced off to the public unless there is a special event on . There is a viewing area though and you used to be able to see it from the top of the number 29 bus until they stopped doing double decker buses on the service . You can see it from the road but it 's mostly hidden by bungalows . When I worked in the local library we often had people coming in to ask if there was , or had been a castle in the area . As the weather brightens up I 'm hoping to bring you more photos of our time exploring our local area . We really are quite lucky living in a big city and having some lovely country like places to visit right on our doorstep . I 'm linking this post up with Country Kids from Coombe Mill Now we find more and more British parents having baby showers and they are growing all the time in popularity . So what are baby showers ? They are parties thrown for the mum - to - be before the birth to celebrate her pregnancy and shower her with gifts . Some choose gifts for the baby , some choose gifts for the mum - to - be . There are also usually games and cake involved . How you hold the party is really up to you but first you decide on a budget and go from there . You may want a theme and tie in party food and decorations and it is traditional to play party games , like Stick the Dummy on the Baby ; which is like pin the tail on the donkey . Or you could play charades or even have a baby quiz . In the USA baby showers have been popular for a long time and celebrities often have them . Jessica Alba , the star of Sin City recently held a competition in aid of Mother 's Day where she hosted a baby show for a lucky winner in Los Angeles . The mum - to - be Jessica Turner chose a hippo themed party . From the very beginning of our lives we are learning how to interact with other people , how to respond to a smile , how to talk to each other , how to ask for things and many more skills that help us to get on with other people . For some the learning is not as natural as it is for others . This may be because of special conditions such as autism , attention deficits and other learning disabilities . We were asked to review a short show about how we can learn these skills . The Show is called Flummox and Friends and you can see a pilot episode here . The show focuses around three inventors and their friends and neighbours . While they invent things to help them with their interactions it 's often their friends and neighbours that show them how it 's really done . The show also has musical pieces and animations which help to re - enforce the messages . It took Star while to become engrossed in the show but I think that was mainly because it was something she was unfamiliar with . She particularly loved the music and animations . She laughed out loud at the characters silly dances and tried to copy them . When we talked about the show afterwards she was more interested in talking about the silly dances than anything else . I could see a lot of her behaviour traits in the main characters of the show and I do think that if it was a show she watched regularly then it would help her with her social skills . I 'll definitely be watching the website for when more episodes are available . Along with the show there are downloadable guides for extended learning for both parents and schools . These focus on the messages Tune In , Connect and Have Fun . Each section has guidelines for talking and learning about these particular social skills . However , having one proved more difficult than I anticipated because of the wonderful British weather . Sunny one minute , pouring with rain the next . So rather than venture out to our usual picnic venue , the duck pond , we decided to have our picnic in the garden so we could run inside if the weather turned . We were lucky enough for it to stay nice while we were out . The kids have been promised a trip to the duck pond tomorrow to feed the ducks . Before getting pregnant with Star both me and my other half had had fertility tests , but we never really had an explanation as to why it wasn 't happening . However , it did happen in the end and just after Star 's first birthday we decided it would be nice to have another baby . We also decided to go for it straight away as I wasn 't getting any younger and we could be trying for a long time . Four weeks later I had a positive pregnancy test ! Then around six weeks into the pregnancy I started bleeding again . I also had a pain in my shoulder which was really worrying as my midwife told me it could be a sign of an ectopic pregnancy . A visit to the Early Pregnancy Unit showed that it wasn 't but they couldn 't tell me why I was bleeding . I tried to remain calm , I 'd experienced the same with my previous baby and she 'd been ok . It 's still such a worry though . The bleeding continued and I ended up back at the EPU again at nine weeks and thirteen weeks . A dating scan showed that baby was doing fine and again I tried to be calm . I then had a whole three weeks of no bleeding , but I had fortnightly checks with my midwife . When I had my twenty week scan it was seen that I had a low lying placenta which was in fact covering my cervix . This was given as a possible reason for the bleeding . So for the first time I had a reason , but it didn 't make me feel any better , especially when they told me that if it didn 't move it could prove dangerous later in the pregnancy and I would most likely be having a C - Section . I was booked for a thirty six week scan to see if it had moved . Another animality picked up on the scan was the increased amount of fluid around the baby . They told me that it could be that baby was not swallowing properly or the kidneys where not doing their job . They even said it could mean the baby had a chromosomal problem . I tried to feel consoled with the fact that they did a detailed scan on the baby and believed the kidneys and bladder to be working ok , and I saw baby blowing bubbles which had to be a good sign . Then , with two much fluid I was in danger of developing polyhyrdramnios which could mean ending my pregnancy stuck in hospital and becoming incredibly huge . Suddenly all the bleeding didn 't seem so bad in comparison . Just a few days after my scan I was back in hospital after a really big bleed and a lot of pain . They blamed my placenta . I was tested for infection because of the pain , but after a couple of days things settled down again . I did , however , continue to bleed sporadically for the next two weeks . I made it to thirty six weeks and went off for my scan , fingers tightly crossed . After much scanning and checking and double checking and even more scanning ( I couldn 't say they were not being thorough the final diagnosis was . . . . the placenta had moved . whoo hoo ! There was a 5cm gap which was deemed big enough for me to try for a vaginal birth . The estimated weight of the baby at this stage was 7lb 6oz . Wow ! big enough to come out already . . . . please ! A week later I was bleeding again . Worried that it could be placenta praevia because my placenta was still pretty low I was sent for a check - up . The blood turned out to be from a burst varicose vein ! phew ! I went into labour while watching Eastenders . The contractions where pretty strong but five mins apart so I expected a fair wait . At 10pm I decided to go to bed . I knew I wouldn 't sleep but hey , it would be nice if I could get some rest . At 11 . 30pm I was in the taxi on the way to the maternity hospital . On arrival I was examined and found to be 4cm dilated and in established labour . My midwife was a student and she was lovely . Just a few hours after arriving in the delivery room I was pushing . The midwife broke my waters , boy it was like Niagra Falls , I thought it would never end . Then I foolishly hoped that that huge bump had been mostly water and my Boo was going to be really small . By now it was the early hours of the morning and I was shattered . So tired I didn 't want to push anymore , I wanted to sleep . I had to find the energy deep inside to push out my baby . My lovely bouncing 9lb baby girl . so happy I hadn 't found out the flavour at the scan . We 'd called her Boo while still inside , and even though she does actually have a name we still call her Boo now ! Then we had a little more drama as Boo had passed meconium while inside and was rushed off to have her airway cleared . I could see them working on her in the corner of the room and it was so terrifying . Just a few moments later she was breathing and they brought her over to me . That few moments had felt like a lifetime to me . Going to Blog Camp taught me many things . One was that is was ok to change your blog , you see that 's where I 'd been going wrong , instead of changing my blog I started a new one and had several blogs all going in different directions . So I came here , to this blog which was called something completely different and basically a load of crap and re - invented it ( to hopefully something a little less crap ! ) Last year I also learnt a lot about taking photos and editing them . Something I 'm still not brilliant at but I think that 's because I need a more fancy camera that will do all the work for me , any PR 's out there got one they 'd like me to review ? ( If you don 't ask , you don 't get ) There was lots more that I learnt but that was last year and now I 've just been to Blog Camp Summit this year and learnt a whole heap more . I just wanted to point out that it was last years event that started me out on the path I am now , and I 'm come such a long way ( don 't bother going back to look at the rubbish posts in my history , I 've deleted most of them ) and I 've made so many new friends . I 've gained so much from my blogging but my proudest moment has to be becoming a finalist in the MAD blog awards . So you see , these brilliant Tots100 events can bring you great rewards . A grill session with some great bloggers ( Sally from Who 's the Mummy , Chrissie from Mediocre Mum , Helen from Fuss Free Flavours and Ruth from Geek Mummy ) taught me that it 's ok to take time out from blogging if you need to . Also , you need to follow your heart and take your blog where you want it to be . Find your voice and do things your way , it 's ok to do reviews and sponsored posts if that 's what you want but you will learn in time how to balance things out and keep your readers happy . One more tip was to make a sock puppet , but the reason why is a secret only for those in attendance . Finally , Sally gave us a quick lesson on the metrics of the Tots100 ranking , which really is quite simple , honestly . An advanced SEO session with Judith Lewis taught me that I need to analyse some brilliant keywords for my blog and create a new page for them to bring in the traffic from search engines . This procedure involves much work and spreadsheets , apparently spreadsheets that have pretty colours work better . I can 't go into too much detail here right now ( it was a lot to take in and would take up a lot of this post ) but once I 've had a go and worked it out for myself I may just make a new post to let you know how I get on and if it works . After lunch I went for an interesting talk on Pinterest by Cathy James from NurtureStore . Now , I 've used Pinterest for a while , I find it a great resource for , well , practically anything I 'm planning from parties to picnics , wallpapers to cake decorating . However , I 've never fully optimised it for my blog , and didn 't really know how . But now I do and it 's pretty straightforward . You can create images specifically for Pinterest to go with your blog posts and you can cross post your images to different but relevant boards ( so long as you don 't do it all in one go ) Images should be portrait rather than landscape and your boards should be organised on your page with the most appealing images as the cover . Also , up to 50 is the optimum number of boards to own . Apparently Pinterest can bring you lots of traffic to your site and I have to admit I have noticed this from an image I posted from my daughter 's birthday party last year . Finally , we had an amusing talk from Andy Cope who told us about his research into why only 2 % of us are happy and what we can do about it . In a simple summary you have to stop chasing happiness , for example , stop saying you will be happy when you achieve ' this ' or you will be happy when ' that ' happens . Instead you need to chose to be happy anyway . His little tip was to wake up every morning and be thankful that you don 't have toothache . So you need to stop being a mood hoover , moaning about everything and waiting for happiness to happen and instead chose to be happy anyway . I like to think I 'm an optimistic person , and I think the best of people and look for the best in situations . Even so I know I 'm guilty of chasing after happiness . But now I 'm going to just chose to be happy each and every day , and as for the mood hoovers in my life , well hopefully I can make them happy too . When my first child was due I had no idea if he was going to be a boy or girl and although I was quite set on a girl 's name I hadn 't really made up my mind about a boy 's name . However , a soon as I saw him I knew what his name would be . With my second child I gave the honour of choosing to her daddy . As soon as he said her name , a few minutes after the birth , I loved it , even though I 'd never heard it before . With the three younger children we used names from loved ones who have passed on for either their first or second names . Emily Davies Writes - What 's in A Name ? Where she looks at the meaning behind the names she has chosen for her new baby girl . And Over40andMumtoOne tells us why she chose the names she did for her little boy . Others have told me that they chose names from favourite tv / film characters and some have been careful about choosing names too popular . Some say that the name hasn 't been an option until after baby is born and they can decided what suits them . Some look closely at the meaning of names , some make up their own . You can gain insight or inspiration by looking at top baby name lists for boys and girls . The most unusual name in my family is my little great niece , Nevaeh ( pr . Nev eya ) have you heard that name before ? I hadn 't . Now read it backwards . She 's a gorgeous little girl , truly heaven sent . Celebrities sometimes start trends with names but would you name your child after a fruit like Gwyneth Paltrow who called her daughter Apple ? Maybe the name Theodora will become popular after Robbie Williams gave the name to his daughter last year ? I didn 't spot a trend when Victoria Beckham gave her daughter , Harper Seven , a number as a middle name back in 2011 . Jack and Olivia have been very popular names for some years now but they have knocked off the top spots by Harry and Amelia . See chart below for more popular names for 2012 . My children 's names do not make it to the top 10 but are not so uncommon that they don 't feature in the top 20 to 40 . Choosing a name is a personal choice , and also a difficult choice because in reality it 's not only you who have to live with it . I could have called my son Arthur , which I think is a little old fashioned but still a nice name , but put it with his surname , Stone and it sounds silly . Say it out loud Arthur Stone ! Again , I could have called my daughter Precious or Gem . Someone told me of a little boy called Ben with surname beginning with D . There are two Ben 's in his class at school so he gets called Ben D . There is so much to think about when choosing names . One thing I missed when choosing my older children 's names where their initials . The are not bad , but they are the same and my son 's initials ( CASS ) spell out most of my daughter 's name ( Cassie ) It also means I have to look at any post that arrives for them very carefully . My mum had the same problem when my brother lived at home , she was Mrs J B . He was Mr S J B . The following infographic from Bounty shows the most popular names of 2012 as well as looking at some trends . It seems that the Royals have had some effect with Harry being top of the list for boys and Catherine rising 21 places . Some of the most unusual names include Tinkerbell and Nemo , seriously ? I like that 80 % of girls called April were born in April , but only 35 % of girls called May were born in May . Do feel free to let me know in the comments why yThe infographic is provided by Bounty . All other thoughts and comments are my own . Posted by At the end of the evening we found ourselves in a church . No seriously ! The Pitcher and Piano used to be a church before it was turned into a bar , it still looks very much like a church , if you can imagine a packed out church with people drinking alcohol and dancing to loud music . I think as you get older a night out with the girls is one of those rare events . Often with children to look after it 's difficult to muster up the energy for a night on the town with friends . I do think it 's something that should be done occasionally though . I can meet friends at playgroups or the park , but nothing beats a good night of fun , laughter and even a little alcohol . Another option is a night in with the girls . This survey by Ladbrokes Bingo shows that nearly 70 % of the ladies surveyed preferred a night in with the girls than a night out on the town . The reasons given were cost , it was cheaper to stay in , not having to queue for drinks and no chance of bumping into your ex . What about no queues for the toilet ? I think that would be top on my list . So less women are dressing up and painting the town red , preferring to stay home and gossip with the girls instead . Well , apart from my home town Birmingham where it falls to 58 % preferring a night in to a night out . I have to admit , although I loved my night out with the girls , the most fun was had during the day time , and back at the hotel afterwards . At least you could actually hear each other speak , and kick of those heels that might look gorgeous but boy do they make your feet sore ! Another pet hate of mine also mentioned in the survey was queuing for drinks , does anyone actually enjoy that part of the evening ? Squished up the bar amongst a load of strangers getting drinks spilled over you , I don 't mind paying for a round if you go and fetch it . It seems not so long ago that I would be visiting mum at her little house with the pretty garden . We 'd put the world to rights over a cup of tea , after she 'd given me a low down on all the soaps she watched . I was almost tempted to start watching the soaps myself as I started to miss them , but who has the time ? Not me ! I did start watching Strictly Come Dancing though because I 'd grown fond of it after watching it with her when she was really poorly . I remember the last final when she was in the hospice , she didn 't really have a clue what was going on but she smiled when I told her that Tom had won , he was her favourite , he had to be , he was a soap star . Mum passed away in the hospice on December 25th 2008 , just two weeks after being diagnosed with cancer . I would give anything to sit with her and chat over a cup of tea , I miss her so much . Mum never met The Little Man so I like to take him to visit her . He likes the bus ride and the opportunity to help out . The church where my family are buried is 227 years old , it celebrated it 's 200th anniversary the year I was married there . It 's a lovely church and I 'm happy that my family is there together . It was a beautiful day today and the church looked lovely in the sunshine . We even spotted a squirrel in a tree . The cheeky little animal didn 't run away but stayed there long enough for me to get a photo . Can you spot him ? Also in the plot is my daddy who died in 1973 when I was a little girl . Then there is my nanny who died in 1996 from pneumonia , and finally the ashes of my younger brother who died January 2009 , the day before mum 's funeral . From when I was small I have always visited this grave . After my nan was buried there mum 's eldest sister looked after it , now it 's taken care of by me and mum 's youngest sister . I wonder if the Little Man will continue once I get too old ? I know this post might seem morbid to some , but to me it 's just my way of visiting my family . I can 't share a cup of tea with my mum but I can still talk to her and give her some pretty flowers to let her know I love her still . And you have to admit , it is a beautiful church , and the grave always looks so pretty when I leave . I 'm not going to tell you about No1Son or Eldest daughter as it was all way to long ago to remember any real detail . Although I will always remember being told that Eldest Daughter was breach on the day she was due then actually feeling her turn around in the car on the way home ( wow , I 'll never forget that ! ) and then going straight into labour and having her born , the right way up , later that day . I suppose I should also add that my first born was an emergency C - Section after a long labour which left him in distress . With Star I 'd had a 16 year gap between pregnancies . I would have liked it to have been sooner but I did suffer a little unexplained infertility , and a miscarriage . I found out I was pregnant on December 28th 2004 after a really special Christmas . My first scan was on 25th February and I had bloods done which put me at a high risk for Down 's Syndrome . I decided against further tests for personal reasons . I could write you a whole post on my reasons but I won 't go into that just now . Just a month later when I was 17 weeks pregnant I started to bleed . In a panic I rushed off to the hospital . They gave me a scan and I saw my baby waving back perfectly happy . They wrote ' unexplained bleed ' on my notes and sent me home . I carried on spotting ( Which means I had small amounts of bleeding all the time ) for a few more days . Then I had another big bleed and was back at the hospital . They checked the baby 's heartbeat and all was fine . No - one had any answers and I was so scared and worried . The spotting continued but as the blood had become old and brown I tried really hard not to worry too much , I didn 't want to raise my blood pressure and cause any more problems . Then in April I began getting a searing pain in my pelvis . I could barely walk and actually clicked when I did . I went to my GP who diagnosed Sympathis Pubis Dysfunction . ( SPD ) I was sent to help group at the hospital ( which was fast becoming my second home ) only to learn that there was not a lot that could be done . I was shown how to move without causing myself too much pain and advised to get a support band to hold up my bump and ease the pressure . Just in case you didn 't know the Sympathis Pubis is a bone at the bottom of the pelvis and when you get SPD the bone becomes softened and moves around too much which causes pain when moving and walking ( and if you get it bad also when sitting and lying down . ) It happens in pregnancy when your bones naturally soften to allow for childbirth , it can become quite serious if it continues after the birth . On the 20th April I had my anomaly scan and everything looked perfectly normal . So perfect , so beautiful , a lovely little girl . I was determined from the start that I wanted to know the sex of my baby . When I 'd had my older two it wasn 't an option and I found the whole idea really exciting . My other half was not so keen so I said I 'd go by whatever he wanted . He left right until the last minute at the scan to ask if baby was a boy or girl . On the 26th April I was admitted to hospital after another really big bleed . I lost a huge amount this time and was convinced I was going to lose my baby . I 'm convinced that the midwives at the hospital thought that I was too . They were all whispers and fetching someone else in to see what was going on . Still there was no explanation . It was still a little early for my little girl to survive if she did arrive but I was given steroids just in case . I can 't explain how I felt that night while they kept me on the labour ward . I don 't think I 'd ever felt so lost and desolate . Then the bleeding just stopped . The heartbeat was still there , baby was still there . The nightmare just ended and a day later I was sent home . Still no explanation , but I knew now that this baby was meant to be . I was going to hold her and she would be breathing . Surely this was the end of my worry ? ON the 30th July and just weeks away from the birth , I went for a routine anti - natal appointment and the midwife was concerned about baby 's heartbeat . She sent me to hospital , again , with a note saying baby was tachy cardic . Her little heartbeat was really fast which was obviously not normal . I was put on the monitor for an hour and listened in to my little girl . Her heartbeat was only fast when she was moving , when she was still it was ok . She was moving around an awful lot , getting impatient I suppose , so it looked like she was tachy cardic , but the hospital was happy enough with the results and I was sent home after another scan just to make sure she was ok . My baby was due on September the 5th so I had decided to have a meal out with a friend on the 23rd August , a couple of weeks before . She was pregnant too , our due dates where days apart . We decided to have a bump photo taken together and asked a waiter to do the honours . It was funny as he had to keep moving further and further away to fit us and our huge bumps into the photo . That morning I 'd had a show , that means the mucus plug had come away from the cervix . It doesn 't always happen in pregnancy and although it can be sign of pending labour , the plug can also come back again . So I hadn 't thought too much about it . Until I started getting twinges . On 24th August I woke up in labour at around 2 . 30 am . It got quite strong that by 6am I was fitted up to my TENS machine . Then at 10am the contractions stopped . I was really disappointed and the other half hadn 't gone into work . Then while cooking lunch ( sausages ) the contractions came back with conviction . I went to the hospital at 3pm and Star was born at 8 . 01pm . The time from established labour ( 4cm dilated ) to the birth was just four hours . So as you can see I had a very eventful pregnancy . The bleeding was never explained but apparently it is quite common for women to bleed during pregnancy and it doesn 't always mean that the pregnancy is going to end . The SPD went soon after the birth . I 'd found it incredibly painful during the birth as it hurt to open my legs . Stirrups where a definite no - no and it was all a little difficult , but worth it in the end . I 'd had no assistance during the birth , just my TENS machine and a little entinox , which made me sick . The Great Gatsby opens in London this week and who can resist the gorgeous fashion of the Twenties ? ( oh my , not long until it will be the 2020 's ! ) Dropped waistbands and flapper dresses , I 'd certainly give them another go . Any excuse to get out my feather boa . ( what you don 't have a feather boa ? ) This post has been submitted to the Next Bloggers Network . I have not received anything from Next for writing it and all thoughts and opinions are my own . Posted by The Little Man brought Poppy bear home from pre - school , along with her diary . The idea is to fill in the diary with photos and tell everyone about the fun things Poppy has been up to during her stay . So far Poppy has had a lot of sleeping , brushing her teeth , playing with toys and dressing up . So what could we do that was exciting , bearing in mind we had the whole weekend to occupy Poppy . Well , such an exciting life we have , good job it wasn 't last weekend because mummy was away , but if it had been next weekend we have an all day party to attend ! This weekend the best we could do was a trip to the supermarket on Saturday and a visit to church on Sunday . I came home with The Little Man and met his family . His sisters Star and Boo were very nice to me . Boo played with me , fed me cake and then put me to bed . Hello , I 'm Anne and I 've been blogging here since 2011 . I 'm an older mum with five children and love blogging about our family life and adventures . I 'm also fond of cats , cake , Terry Pratchett books , any books , Dr Who , Adventure Time , the colour purple and my bed . I 'm currently wheelchair bound after getting a very rare condition called Stiff Person Syndrome , that makes me one in a million ! Two of my kids have autism , and one has Elhers Danlos Syndrome ( Another rare condition . ) So life is never simple in our house , but it 's always our happy place . I hope you enjoy your visit , comments are always welcome . Best Wishes , Anne |
For the first time in a very LONG time , I was actually FLASHED last night ( July 17 ) . I am so excited because this means I am NOT alone - - there is at least one other guy in my neighborhood area who into flashing / streaking . Great ! I was ecstatic last night ( not just because of the full moon ) to finally get flashed by a guy - - who was completely naked - under the street lamps along a tree - lined walkway bordering the cemetery where I walk the dog ( my real pet and the one hanging between my legs . Anyway , I went out last night at about 11pm . That 's not my usual mode - - I don 't get off by just flashing in the dark - - I mean what 's the point in flashing if nobody can see you . However , now I see WHY guys do go out and flash at night . They may have MORE chance of actually been seen because the flashees are more likely to be looking . I usually walk my dog almost every morning between the hours of 6 - 8am and I hardly ever even get so much as a glance - - even when I am wearing my latest creation ( see photo - - a pair of nylon athletic / jogging pants with the lining cut out - - just leaving a pair of very revealing mesh pants ) . So before you write me off as a true pervert - - just realize that I don 't think that I have actually been " seen " by anybody in my neighborhood . I am discreet and also chicken - hearted ( no - - I did NOT say chicken - shit ) . My flashing near or at nude beaches and at gay resorts , or in the French Quarter for Southern Decadence , does not really count at flashing - I mean most of the people there are doing it too or are out looking for those who are . I was delighted when I got up the entrance of the huge cemetery about 700 ft from my place - - to see a guy completely naked about 50 ft away jogging up the narrow elevated walk way the runs along the edge of the cemetery . He must have seen me first as I emerged from the side street because by the time I saw him , he had flipped around and headed off in the other direction . Of course , he wouldn 't know I would absolutely want to JOIN him in his naked romp so he did what most good flashers do - - he turned around and just jogged back the way he came . I lost him because the trail roams in and out among pines and other trees - - so he pranced down the natural obstacle course and before I could cross and start to follow , he was already gone . I didn 't want to RUN after him and scare him away forever - - he might too scared to do it again if he thought I was a self - righteous pervert - basher - - so I did the next best thing : I got naked too and walked down the same path ( under intermittent street lights and then entered the cemetery from the next entrance about 200 yards down the way . There weren 't many cars passing by but there is a row of houses which line the street on the opposite side . Any body could just look out the window . I can just hear them now saying " Oh look , George - - there goes another naked guy . " " Yes , dear . I guess the full moon brings out all the streakers . " LOL Actually , that 's more what we looked like - - streakers - - than flashers . I went in the cemetery and walk around - naked and stroking - of course - but he didn 't come back by . You can see through the scattered line of trees along fence line where that pathway winds all along the eastern edge of the cemetery . So I 'm looking forward to meeting up with a fellow flasher - - or maybe it was just a one - time full moon event . I went back to the scene of that flash this morning and showed a little bit of full MOON of my own - - here 's what those jogging pants look like . I am definitely going to take them ( and wear them wherever I can get away with it ) during my long extended travels from now until after Labor Day . See you in Japan , Hawaii ( Puna ) , Russian River ( CA ) , in KY / Ohio / NY , Canada ( Ottawa ) , Provincetown , NYC , Munich / Prague , Croatia ( Rovinj ) , and maybe at Southern Decadence - - these pants will not even attract attention on the French Quarter with so many guys with their crotches open and women with their boobs exposed . More of the travel adventures in a later blog . You have never seen such fascinating CMNM scenes anywhere as those in a hospital or medical clinic . Maybe some twinks didn 't like to visit the doctor 's office earlier . They are After seeing so many twink medical exams , many things will change in your mind too . It is impossible to be calm witnessing how these twinks take off his clothes and then the intelligent , sexy doctor starts to suck his stiff cock . They even try sixty - nine , sucking each other 's dick with uncovered pleasure right in the doctor 's consulting room . Are you interested in hot gay medical CMNM ? It is high time to relive all your secret desires . It is hot to see handsome boys get undressed for the doctor and then seeing them get so horny that they just have to have gay sex . It 's great too when the muscular athletic boys go to visit a doctor with the coach , who is dying to see his young team get naked and willing to offer hard dick and hot wet holes to their athletic mentor . The boy doesn 't know yet what incredible adventure it is going to be there . He comes to the doctor 's consulting room and takes off all his clothes . The lustful doctor doesn 't waste time and starts to caress genitals of the twink . It is pleasure to watch twinks ' medical checkup . It seems the boy doesn 't object to take twink medical exam . His cock becomes bigger and bigger . Then the boy lies on bed and horny doctor sucks his dick , play with it by his tongue . What about you ? Did going to the doctor and being physically examined as a teen by a clothed ( older ) man leave an impression on you ? Or even cause you to think about being attracted to males . Do you think it was especially sexually stimulating because of the fact that you were naked and he was completely dressed . That 's the appeal of CMNM experiences . The photo below is one of this blog author while he was staying in hospital for a short treatment . He went daily to the hospital grounds and got naked like in the garden . Posted by Mr . Jenkins , my neighbour , came over to me while I was washing my car . I was wearing my thinnest and skimpiest cotton running shorts and nothing else - - no shoes or shirt . I noticed he looked at my crotch several times . Before he left , he tugged on the leg opening of my shorts , exposing my dark pubes . " These are soaked through , " he said , " Better take them off before you catch cold . " With that , he smirked and walked back to his house . I was shaking and when I looked up I saw his face in the window , peering at me . I got into my car , removed my shorts and held them out the car window . I wrung out the water which spilled onto my driveway . Then , Jenkins came back outside . " No , " Mr . Jenkins , " I 'll be fine ! " I said , but his grip was strong . Before I could stop him , he pulled my shorts toward him almost completely exposing my bare dick and balls to his close scrutiny . As it was , my dark pubes and the base of my dick were stripped and plainly visible in the strong sunlight . As we struggled , his hand brushed my hairy thigh and came closer and closer to touching fully my yet barely covered bulge . I braced my weight against the car door for support but did not realize that I had not closed it all the way . When he pulled one last time , the shorts came away in his hand and I fell out the door onto my driveway naked at the feet of my horny old neighbour . " Oh , my ! ! " he cried , before I could fully cover my privates . " All bare in the street - - completely bare . " " My shorts ! " I begged , holding up one hand . He smiled . " First , " he said , " stand up and ask politely . " I made a grab for my shorts but he pulled them up and away in time . He smiled because my sudden movement caused me to inadvertently show off the furthest extent of my manhood . I blushed as he dangled the shorts over my head like a dog . " But you are all bare . It 's this or jail . And if it 's jail , more than me and your neighbour will see what you 're hiding there . " The cop grabbed my arm and pulled me toward him . In doing so , my bare d behind was completely exposed to Mr . Jenkins . The officer pushed me against my car and forced my arms back so he could handcuff me . Then he rudely spun me around till I was face to face with my neighbour . Both men stared between my legs and there was nothing I could do to cover myself . I felt my face flush red . " How does it feel ? " the cop asked . " No privacy . Everything on display for me and your neighbour here . " " He was always walking around in skimpy shorts , " Jenkins said . " It was just a matter of time before it fell out or he ripped the back open . Sooner or later I knew I would see it - - only I didn 't know I 'd get to see so much of it . " " Yeah , " the cop laughed . " He 's what you 'd call very healthy . " Jenkins laughed too . " Please , " I said . " I know what would shame him even more . He 's always wearing tight jeans that cling to his ass like a skin . I think it would be appropriate to make him bare that too . The cheeks , and what 's in between too . " The officer looked at me . " I ain 't allowed to do a cavity search . " " I could be your witness , " Jenkins said . " At least make him bare it . " " Yeah , couldn 't hurt to take a look . " He turned me around and pushed me face down over the hood of my car . " There 's that ass he 's so proud of , " Jenkins said . " Look at the way he pushes it out like he wants you to look at it . " " I 'm not ! " " Pipe down and spread ' em , " the officer said . " Wider ! " I did and I knew they were both squatting down behind me . The officer whistled . " Damn , that 's private ! I never done one of these before . Must be fuckin ' embarrassing . " Yes , he 's so vulnerable and exposed , " Jenkins said . Just then I felt a hand on me . " Think I should ? " " Go ahead . . . just a little . " " Just the tip ? . . . Damn , I never felt something like that before . Damn , touching another guy 's hole and he can 't do a fucking thing about it . " " Let me . " " No Mr . Jenkins , " I yelled . I felt his long finger rub then push into me . " Look at that ! Serves him right for wearing those tight pants . This is what he 'd hoped would happen all along . Yes , it was just a matter of time before he was punished and humiliated . " " Damn , " the cop said , and I knew he could see my cock getting hard and pressing down between my spread thighs . Then I looked up and saw the mailman approaching . Please no I thought these two were bad enough , I tried to turn round as much as possible to see his reaction he had a big smile in his face Unfortunately this turned my body round a bit and my neighbour got a great view of my now hard cock , " Well , isn 't that a sight not only totally bare right on your front path but with a full stiffy too . I bet you 've never been this embarrassed in your whole life . " Mortified I turned back but not before he put is hand out and brushed my hard cock " nice " he said , I felt revolted it was bad enough he got to see my hard cock but to get a quick feel was too much . " Bloody hell - - nice view , " This was the mailman . I automatically turned round again the mailman was standing there with a major smile in his face . Here I was totally naked on the front yard legs spread my neighbour fucking my totally exposed and on view hole , while my erect cock was on view for all to see . " What 's going on here then ? " he asked . " I found this pervert totally naked on his front yard baring all for the world to see he obviously wants to be seen by everyone . " " No , it 's all a mistake " I tried to interrupt but my neighbour pushed his finger in deeper and harder . My cock leapt and grew ever harder and it took my breath away . was certainly more than that . But it wasn 't everyday you saw a good - looking jock butt naked with a major erection handcuffed and being finger - fucked basically on the sidewalk certainly visible from it . He wondered how many others would come by and see this , know it was too good an opportunity to miss he pulled out his mobile and called his mate who was delivering only a few streets away . " Mate , you would not believe the view I 've got here . " he said , " Get over here right now . " I heard him give my address I tried to turn round a bit more and Mr Jenkins turned with me still thrusting his finger in my hole . The policeman and the mailman now had an unobstructed view of my hard cock . I heard them both whistle with glee at the sight and I couldn 't help but notice as I turned both had big tents it their slacks . " Please ! " I began . I was so embarrassed I felt I just wanted to drop dead on the spot but the feeling in my arse and groin was getting more arousing . I don 't think my cock had ever been harder . I wasn 't enjoying any part of this but all my body felt was the stimulation . I tried to ask for help but my neighbour thrust his finger all the way in the got closer to my body , he reached round and grabbed hold of my cocks shaft . " Any more complaints or calls for help and it won 't be just my fingers up your tight arse . " , he whispered into my ear , " And there won 't be a thing you can do , " he continued . Suddenly I couldn 't breath . There was no way I could have heard what I thought I did . The thought of this pervert actually ramming his cock up my arse was beyond imagining and here on totally public display . It was my worst nightmare never " What you doing ? " asked the policeman . " Well . . . a crime has been committed . I thought you might like it recorded as evidence . " " Great idea " said the policeman . " I have a decent digital camera in the police car . I 'll go and get it , " With that , he went back to his car . " No ! please . . . . ! " I called out , unable to bear the thought of someone saving this to replay over and over and who knows who would see it . Before I realised what I was doing , I heard someone speak . " I warned you . " whispered Mr Jenkins . " No , " I hollered louder but still not shouting despite my terror . I didn 't want anyone to hear and involuntary my voice was fairly quiet as if my mind only wanted to whisper - - in case someone heard . I started to struggled pulling at the cuffs maniacally , begging all the time , " Anything . . . , " I implored , " anything . " " OK , last chance , any more complaints and any more refusals to anything I ask and that 's it . You 're last chance , " he whispered to me . " Yes , " I answered urgently . " All ok ? " asked the police . " Yes , but I 'm not sure if I can feel around enough . " " Oh , " he replied . " Yes , I think I 'll have to try two fingers . " My heart missed a beat . I desperately wanted to speak - - to plead with mercy , but as bad as it would be , the alternative was too terrible to contemplate , " You don 't mind , do you ? " At first , I though he was asking the policeman , but then he nudged me and repeated his request . I couldn 't speak . It was one thing to allow this pervert who lives next door to me and whom I see everyday to fuck my arse with two fingers , but to be asked to agree to it , I didn 't think I could do it . " Do you ? " he repeated . I knew this was my only option , no matter how bad it was , was to agree to the alternative . It was unthinkable . " Yes " I answered quietly as if I couldn 't bring myself to talk loud " Sorry " he said , " a bit louder , . . . so we can all hear . " " Yes , use two fingers . I don 't mind . " The other two looked on with glee for them both this was a green light to go on , enough to make it real . " More , " he whispered again . I looked puzzled , " Please . " he added . It took me a second to realise what he meant . " Please , " I added . This got big smiles from the other two both rubbed there erect cocks through their trouser material . I turned and after a blood curdling terror of seeing someone new see me like this I saw some one else in mailman uniform , I had forgotten the call from my mailman , it was actually a bizarre relief to see him . " Thanks for the call , " he said and seeing the others filming the scene got his mobile out too . I settled back against to car and let it carry on my cock seemed to be getting harder and harder , after what seemed like ages , the second mailman spoke up , " that looks like great fun , mind if I have a go ? " " Sure , no problem " said Mr Jenkins and my heart jumped a beat again . " I want to go and get my camera anyway " he added " you don 't mind do you ? " he turned to me . I tried to speak but couldn 't one person fucking my arse with his fingers was enough but not someone else where would this end , " do you ? " he repeated . " No " I eventually squeaked , and he whispered " please , do have a go " I mustered that again put a big smile on everyone 's faces . Mr Jenkins removed his fingers and wiped them on my arse . The new chap then took over whilst he went back inside to get his camera . It seemed like ages whilst he fucked my arse . I looked around , being purely residential I was surrounded by other houses all these windows looking down on me I started to wonder if anyone had seen but immediately blocked the thought I may be able to handle this encounter if no one ever found out , but it didn 't bare thinking about if anyone else knew . I was awoken out of my thoughts as the new chap spoke up , " You 've opened up nicely . Have you had this done many times before ? " I was tempted to shout , " of course . " I fucking haven 't but - - wisely - I kept quiet and just shook my head . " Think I 'll try for a third , " he muttered . My immediate response came into my mouth but I stopped myself . This may not be Mr Jenkins but I 'm sure he wouldn 't be happy if I didn 't go along with it , anything to prevent the alternative . Just before he got started , he called his mate over , saying , His mate agreed and started filming him inserting his third finger . I must have loosened as it was not as tight getting the third finger in . This carried on till I heard my neighbour coming back . He had a decent camera like the policeman 's that would have great quality movie like . " My turn , " said the first mailman . It seemed to go on forever . Here I was still totally balls - arse bare on my front yard , handcuffed , very much erect and being film by four perverts - - all filming me getting fingerfucked . Not only that but as they swapped over , they all gave my hard cock a few strokes and again had it all filmed . I was still totally embarrassed but so turned on physically , it was a wonder I hadn 't shot my load , especially when they stroked my cock . It didn 't know the difference between a lovely woman stroking it and a pervert like my neighbour . It was all the same to it - - it was only the terror and agonising humiliation that prevented my climax . Then the policeman came up . I had loosened even more so he tried four fingers but found that uncomfortable . Whilst he was trying , I saw movement out of the corner of my eye . Panicking I looked but it was only Mr Jenkins he seemed to be making a few swiping actions no one else was looking at him that were too busy filming and enjoying it all . Then I was kind of intrigued by the idea of between twiggered by the policeman 's baton . By this point I would have readily agreed to anything , not only to prevent the unthinkable but also to get it over with . There was actually part of me wishing we got caught so it would end , but no matter how bad , I could cope with just these four knowing , as they were involved anyway , but I don 't think I could cope with anyone normal especially anyone I knew personally . Still it was one thing to agree to something like that but another to actually suggest it , still I had no choice " why not try your baton " I asked . This took them by surprise not only had I been silent for quite a while , but to suggest something like that , the policeman beamed as did the others . He unholstered his baton and tried it . But no matter how lose I was , it wouldn 't fit . This was causing me a great amount of pain , and my cock started to deflate , - - only a bit but Mr Jenkins noticed . He liked my hard and didn 't want it to go away . " Hold on , " he said and nipped in quickly and came out with a dildo . It was pink - - slightly bigger than three normal fingers , but very long . He also had a shorter version which he handed to the policeman the shorter man , who readily , started using it . This was less of a problem than the baton , and soon my cock was harder then ever , " My turn again , " spoke up Mr Jenkins . Rather than the hard fuck the policeman 's baton gave me , this was gentler , being a bit more experienced , Mr . Jenkins was hitting my prostate with every thrust . I could also feel the dildo . I suddenly got worried . Since it felt very fleshy , I worried and turned my head round , expecting the worse , but as I turned I could see Mr Jenkins standing there thrusting the dildo into and out . So when I knew it hadn 't left my arse , I felt relieved and turned away again . But it really felt like a cock ( not that I knew what it would feel like with a cock up my arse but it seem seem as if it was like real flesh ) so I turned back but - again no . I could see his slacks were intact and see the pink dildo occasionally as it came most the the way out but never left my arse . I turned back realising it was just a realistic dildo and why now I wondered it was meant to be an artificial cock after all . I settled back felt him withdraw and then thrust fully in a few times he did this all the way in , then all the way out , then a different sensation again fleshy . I turned quickly but it was still just his fingers . He started to alternate between the two , I settled down again . Mr jenkins was actually good at this and although disgusted that I was letting a pervert do this to me , and still utterly humiliated with having this done on my front yard , my inner voice was telling me physically it was now enjoyable . It was no longer painful since he kept hitting my spot and having been pleasured so a long while now and my whole body was sensitive and tingling . The new bloke was using Mr Jenkins ' camera now , as it was a good quality one , and they had all decided to share all there footage with each other , . He came to get a good view of my hard cock as it slowly bounced up and down as I was getting into it and it showed . This was the moment Mr Jenkins had waited for he slowly got his hard cock out of his slacks and looked towards the policeman . Oblivious to all this , I was still in the moment . He prepared for his moment and with the next thrust , he inserted his rock hard cock right up my arse . Here I was totally bare on my street and with someone unknown guy trying to get me totally butt fucked . He thrust once and then dildoed me , waited to see if I had noticed anything , but when I gave no response , he again dipped his cock in a again , and then a third time . Getting no reaction from me , he started to rhythmically fuck my arse . Here I was basically in the middle of my street naked and getting butt fucked where anyone coming along could see me , still oblivious . One of the mailman tapped him on the shoulder . Tey all knew this was risky if they got caught . It would not be funny but all wanted to be filmed having a go at my arse . Silently they changed to the other three including the policeman - - all only had a few thrusts only as they didn 't dare do any more . And then Mr Jenkins , who was less worried since everyone already knew what a pervert he was , came back at it again . Mr Jenkins was getting into it now and with on last thrust balls deep emptied his load into my arse . I felt myself thrust forward but as I was lost in the moment I didn 't realise quite what had happened . As far as I was concerned it was just a heavy thrust , but it did bring me to the present . Suddenly I was fully aware and more embarrassed than ever . How could I have been getting off on this , being dildo ' ed by my pervert neighbour . Little did I know , his changes of position had been making me his pussy . He said , after sorting himself out and back into his clothes , and he pulled my shoulders , so I was upright and started to walk me upright to the street . " No " I cried , fearing I was about to be forced out right on to the road , but instead he took me to the front of the car and lay me down on the bonnet arms - - still handcuffed behind me painfully pressed my body under his weight . HELL I was slightly relieved but not much . Where as before , the car at the angle it was had given me some protection , now I was butt naked - - legs spread and arsehole and hard cock now totally on show to the whole street . In fact we were so near the road , given the cars position that Mr Jenkins , standing just at the end of the bonnet , was actually on the sidewalk . I was a foot away from doing this right on the road . He got me in position and started to dildo fuck me again while the others all got into good positions to film this latest humiliation . Any feeling of getting used to it was gone . My general view before was of the car so could almost forget how on display I was now . I could see the street houses opposite totally aware of how exposed I was and how there was no chance if anyone passed the wouldn 't see everything I owned including a young lads arsehole . The fact that it had a dildo ramming up it and a hard cock was sticking up above , it just intensified the situation . However as there was nothing I could do , I lay there and let him fuck me . The others had taken positions where they could get a good view of me and the view showed just how public it was . I was not sure what was happening but the police officer approached Mr Jenkins , then he approached me , " You up for the last bit ? " he asked . I wondered what he meant whilst he was speaking , the policeman un - handcuffed my wrists . Mr Jenkins grabbed the longer and larger dildo and showed it to me . " Now , I want you fuck yourself with this whilst wanking for us until you come and that 's all over . " " That 's it . " I answered , not daring it could be that simple . " One catch , " he replied . " You have to keep going for a certain amount of time before you cum . " " If you cum too soon , I 'll upload the whole lot and email it everywhere . It had better last long enough and no one else will ever see it . It will be our little secret . " " How long " I asked . " That 's the fun bit , " he said . " Uust keep going until you think it 's long enough to satisfy . " This could be tricky he had enough film to totally degrade me already ( not knowing still about the butt fuck ) but as the end was in sight , I grabbed the chance and had to believe he would keep his word . He inserted the dildo up my arse and I scrunched up my body so I could get hold of the dildo and started gently at first fucking my own arse . " That 's it " he said . " I am just going to just stand back to get a good shot , don 't forget to start wanking yourself . " I quickly obeyed . Here I was now lying on the bonnet of my car with my legs akimbo , showing not only my naked body to the whole street , but also my arsehole - - the most private part of the body , and my aching hard cock , but also wanking and thrusting a large dildo up my own shitter . What a sight I must have been ! done long enough . I could just go for it and end it there and then so I speeded up by wanking . I was thrusting the dildo harder and faster which as course meant deeper . I was now hitting my prostate myself , and wanking harder , but as turned on physically as I was and I had never been harder , I couldn 't quite get to that point of exploding . I had never had a problem cumming before . But then , I had never done it naked on my front yard whilst fucking myself up the arse with a dildo , so I redoubled my efforts . Precum was now spewing out of my cock and flying everywhere with the force of my wanking , but I still couldn 't cum . I shut my eyes tight and started to imagine a better scene than reality all the time still fucking my arse and wanking my cock . I don 't know how long I was there but it seemed ages when a tiny voice in my head started to get my attention . I tried to ignore it - not only was I getting into the fantasy and that and the physical stimulus meant I had never been hornier , but I didn 't want to break the bubble . As hard as I tried to ignore it , the total humiliation was still there . I had decided i had gone on long enough and was trying desperately to cum and end this and I didn 't The voice was getting louder and louder it fact it now seemed there was noises outside of my head in reality but so desperate was I to cum that I ignored it all and started moaning with pleasure . I was still so horny it was driving me mad , but still these voices and sounds tried to interrupt me . I started moaning louder trying to block them out " yes yes yes . " I called out loud as these voices got louder and my inner voice was now yelling . Suddenly a bolt of horror struck me - - ' voices ' . I tried not to think what that could mean , was I ignoring another instruction from Mr Jenkins , but no , it seemed louder and more urgent , not wishing reality to break in to much I slowly opened my eyes and almost died of shock . There lined up almost all the way down the street was about 50 or 100 local residents - - all staring at I was in total shock looking at all these locals most of which I recognized - if not knew by name . And as I looked around then i just kept on wanking and thrusting , unable to believe what my eyes were showing me . Time seemed to freeze but , in those few seconds , I couldn 't help but take in a few startling facts . First , not only was over a hundred locals seeing this , of all ages but most seemed to have some kind of recording device . There was mobile phones , still cameras , movies recording of all kinds - all pointed at me . Most people were just staring in shock , but a large number knowing this was unique event being witnessed a local jock totally debasing himself like this was too good a show not to record for prosperity . In the first few horrifying second or two , I took in lot of detail first was Mr Jenkins still there - - in a prime filming position with a massive smirk on his face . He must have seen the time , or maybe the first of the locals arriving , maybe it was all set up from the start . Next was the young camp lad from two doors down . Outwardly gay and a budding journalist , he wrote for the local college rag , not only was there a hard copy for sale but also a web page , it was rumoured there was a hidden part of the site accessible only to those who know its location and passwords but containing a lot of stolen photos and hidden footage of local lads naked . I didn 't know it yet but this footage was going to be the main attraction for a long time . Also a gay couple from down the road I had seen them looking me and and down loads of times , they were always wishing to see more of me , but never in their deepest fantasies would they have imagined witnessing this . Someone who I didn 't see but was also there was the bloke from over the road who worked at the local news station . He wasn 't a cameraman , but they did do local interest stories and he was filming me ! I was yet to find out but this footage was to be played into millions of homes . In general , most of the footage shown of course was blurred but it showed most of my naked body including my face , it also gave my name and street , and although blurred you could see exactly what i was doing including the end of the dildo and i thrust it in and out and could hear my moans of pleasure . Also thousands of gay and perverted blokes who went threw it frame by frame ( and info to do this was on many gay web sites ) got clear and unblurred vison of me holding my hard cock whilst my arsehole stuffed full of dildo there on they 're tv screens . Also in one area which caused many complaints actually due to a real fault showed the scene a full 10 seconds unblurred to the audience until the apologetic newsreader turned it off and apologised , but not before thousands saw me wanking my hard cock and fucking my arse over they 're supper . This film was to make him a lot of money selling the footage to various local and even national TV stations . The next scene did almost cause me have a have a heart attack . There at the bottom of the drive just a foot away were my family , my mother and father with my elder bother and younger brother and sister , older brother also filming away . Behind them my uncle and aunt whom they had met at the school and invited over for tea along with three nephews two of Automatic body responses took over and I grabbed my cock and and stroked it 6 , 7 , 8 , more cum flew out now landing on my chest i was now moaning loudly " yes yes oh fucking yes " I yelled out 9 , 10 shots the last of my cum emptying my sacks flew straight up and back down on my still hard cock so that as i continued to stroke i was now rubbing my cum into my shaft . This footage also made it on the news . They may not of been able to show me actually ejaculating although a few of the unblurred frames were enjoyed by many , but as the cum left the blurred area of my groin it was clearly visible as the cum landed on my face chest and mouth . My orgasm subsiding , I let got of my cock and looked at my family . I had no idea what to say or do and just lay there naked legs still spread wide , arse full of dildo and cock still standing straight up - - like a proud flag pole . It was almost a relief when someone took my hand it was the policeman . " Now sir , " he said , " what have we been up to ? " I looked into his eyes . I could see the threat in his look . I knew it was no good saying anything . No one would probably believe me and it was almost certainly in my best interest to cooperate with him . Whatever lay in store for me legally would probably go easier if I had him on side . He pulled me off the bonnet and on my feet I was now on the sidewalk - - a fact not unnoticed by many including me . I went to cover my cock but he pulled on my arm , obviously my humiliation hadn 't quite finished . He took me round in a circle to be in front of my parents due to how full the sidewalk was . I was now standing in the road stark naked still erect cum with strings of sperm hanging out the end of my cock whilst cum slowly ran down my face and chest . The dildo still sticking almost forgotten out of my arse . Anyone who hadn 't got a good shot before due to distance or the busy road now had great unobstructed view of all of me . " Is this yours , " he asked my parents . ' Yep ' , nodded my elder brother and my gay nephew laughed out loud . They just nodded unable to speak . " Do you realise how many people have just witnessed this unspeakable act . To emphasize the point , he slowly turned me around so everyone got a full view of every side , my cock still sticking out as if proud . " We need to talk , " he said and took my parents and grandparents slightly to the side . This left me alone and naked in the middle of the street . A few people approached me . Mr Jenkins was the first - - he accidentally brushed his hand over my still hard cock . " Great footage , " he whispered , " do you want it going on the web ? " he asked . " Do you realise how many sites and poofs could see this ? " I shook my head . " We 'll meet soon and I 'll tell you my price . " I knew the chance was he would publish it anyway but knew I had no choice . About half dozen people came up to me , most gave a passing stroke to my cock or grabbed my arse . All were basically blackmailing me to obey . It seemed pointless to disagree as it was no point . If I even refused one , it would go world wide . Besides all of these people had seen everything , so there wasn 't much else , I thought , they could get me to do , or so I thought , among the others included the gay college writer , and my nephew , even my older brother seemed to be about to approach me . Maybe it was my imagination or maybe he was going to wait until we were alone , and as others looked on I wondered how many would approach me later . The police man came back with my parents , saying " right lad , we have come to an agreement . " My heart leapt : was I to get out of this without any more exposure not knowing about the local news man yet ? There was a lot of people here and a few favours now to pay but it was only a couple of streets I could live with that . " We have decided not to have you arrested . " Obviously I was correct about not dropping the policeman in it . " We have decided you need help ; my brother runs a kind of health farm - - a weekend retreat . " I started to get worried again . " He works with obsessive people who want too much or go too far . " I looked at him blankly . " Basically to cure them , he gives them what they want in abundance . If it 's chocolate , then they get it every meal , if it 's a cleaning obsession , we don 't let them stop . " I still didn 't understand what he was getting at . " It seems with you it 's public exposure and sexual humiliation . " My jaw dropped . " So he will expose you and try to humiliate you until it is so extreme even you will be embarrassed , and then you will be cured . " I was totally shocked . I wanted to cry how could my parents accept this . Then I took a quick glance at them and saw how humiliated they were . I suppose not only to have me go away for a while , but if they thought that I could end up doing this again , then this could cure me . I suppose they had no choice . At least it was only a weekend and what else could they do , they can 's humiliate me any more I thought , only a weekend I thought . " Yes , he continued we start with a weekend or two . " Two ? I thought , horrified . " Then if no cure a week maybe two . " Two weeks ! I almost cried . He turned to my parents . " Don 't worry , we won 't give up on him until we think he 's ready . It may take years , so you had best be prepared , " he told them , as we started to get out his handcuffs , and said quietly , " Just for the looks of the things , we want the locals to know the situation will be dealt with , don 't we ? " He again handcuffed me . With that , he started walking me to his car . He must have moved when I was spaced out . It was actually now in the next street so I was walked slowly past the whole neighbourhood - still naked - - still totally erect . I knew I was trapped and had no choice . I had mentally decided to agree with all their demands , I recalled the locals that were wanting me : the college kid , my nephew , even Mr . Jenkins - - everything but take a cock up the arse . There was no way I would ever allow that . I decided they could expose me to the whole nation if they want , but I thought not that - being dildo up the arse in front of dozens of people in public . " Looking forward to this weekend ? " he asked . My mouth gaped open . Over the next few weeks and months I was used and abused both publicly and privately more than I could have imagined - - by locals , by relations and by total strangers . I started to realize what was the point of agreeing to what I was doing : it was only to prevent exposure . But if I was already exposed , I might as well let them do as they wished . From then on , I was shown the footage of the cock fucking me and I was asked if I wanted this to get the same exposure , I had no choice to relent . However , they only agreed to this being kept secret if I broke my vow . I had no choice and a new round of humiliations started , of course . They did let my various blackmailers know this new development and it wasn 't long till my young cousin among many others was my fucking my arse . gay porn DVD . It was starring me , being fucked , bouncing up and down on hard cocks and being spit - roasted in such locations as train stations , on trains , on streets , at public sex shows , in department stores , at local and national famous sites and tourist spots as well as outside various buildings of repute . This DVD had become the biggest selling gay porn video of all time , but by this time it didn 't seemed to matter I had actually started to enjoy it . So rather than curing me , this " treatment " seemed to reach in and bring out my exhibitionist side . By this point , I was coming up with better ideas than any of them . Cold fill with tears is rough on the athlete . It gets into everything and pulls the part straight not worth it of you . There is little with a reduction o . . . |
We had snow days the past two days . Jeff , Jacob , Daniel , and Nathan went out shovelling driveways for fun and profit on Tues . Jacob lasted two houses ( with his jr . - sized shovel . . . so cute ) and then came home for hot chocolate , but he earned $ 3 . . . his first " earnings " . We went to see Bedtime Stories ( largely dumb , but cute and entertaining ) later in the day . Tuesday morning 's 1 . 5 " was dwarfed by Tuesday night / Wednesday morning 's 6 - ish inches . Our first " real " snow in a few years ! ! Of course , Jeff ( who was called off work for Tuesday 's sprinkling of snow ) had to work . The boys and I went back out and reshovelled for the people who 'd paid them before and then one more driveway . Then , I came back and did ours . It can fit about 8 cars in it , which is wonderful for parties but a lot of work when it 's covered in snow . I managed most of it , and Jeff finished it when he got home . We went sledding in the afternoon for a couple of hours . There 's a great hill not too far from our house . It was packed , but we still got lots of sledding in . All in all , it was a good day . Today was ( finally ) my evaluation at work . My students were as wonderful as they get . = ) I don 't have the results , but I should have a decent evaluation . I was proud of them . And if having the principal there keeps them that well behaved , he can sit in every day ! ! Somehow I lost my car keys at Jacob 's daycare . Jeff had to bring me the other set . Hopefully they turn up tomorrow . So , tomorrow is my evaluation at work . Tenured teachers ( whose ranks I joined almost 2 years ago ) in my district are evaluated by an administrator every other year . Nontenured teachers are evaluated every year . My first evaluation ever was by the then - superintendent of the district , and I felt like she really looked at what I was doing during the observation . Every subsequent evaluation has been done by our former principal . They were usually short and sweet . My evaluations were always great . . . perfect , in fact . It 's nice to see on a piece of paper , but I never felt like those drive - by evaluations really touched what I was doing in my classroom . The point of the evaluation for the district is to make sure that its teachers are doing what they are supposed to and pinpoint areas for improvement . Repeated poor evaluations could lead to loss of a teaching position . I certainly don 't want a poor score , but I always wished my score truly reflected me . I am not perfect . There are areas in which I could certainly use improvement , and having a . . . not impartial , because the school wants me to succeed and perform well . . . an honest assessment of my strengths and weaknesses can help me to become a better teacher . If I listen . If I submit to that judgement and look for ways to improve my areas of weakness . If I implement those ways . This year my evaluation will be performed by our new principal . He 's very invested in doing his job right . I think he 's going to pay attention and really examine what we 're doing rather than check my name off his list and move on to the next classroom . I 'm a little excited and a little nervous . You always sit up a little straighter when someone is watching . Of course , Someone is always watching . I am evaluated by Him every day . And I can grow closer to Him if I submit to His judgement and His ways . I am so thankful that I serve a God who gave me " tenure " when I accepted His Son as my Savior , and who is far more invested in my success than my school could ever be ! I spent much of yesterday either travelling for or at the funeral of a friend 's husband . He was only 58 , and though he had recently had some health problems , his death was very unexpected . They had been married for 35 years and have two adult children . Both of their children were married in the past year , and so are blessed to have the memory of their father at their weddings . At the beginning of the funeral service , the pastor read a letter written by C . about her husband . It talked about his relationship with God , with his family , with his friends , with her , and with their children . Of all of these relationships , their marriage received two sentences , and immediately led into how important his children were to him . I was so touched that C . , even in the midst of the sudden loss of her love of the past 40 years , made so little of herself and was so focused on taking care of all of the people who had surrounded her husband . My take is that she is so safe in the reality of how much she was loved and how much she was at the center of his life that she didn 't have to make any big deal or show of herself . That certainty enabled her to reach out and be a light and source of strength to everyone around her in the time of her greatest loss . As I thought about that letter , I thought about things I have read or heard about humility , about letting God shine and act through you rather than making yourself the point of things . Sometimes I wonder just what that looks like . I think that yesterday God gave me an illustration of exactly what he 's talking about . Last night was quite the adventure . Nathan had a 6 : 00 away game , so I was doing pretty well getting right out of school . Made it home at around 4 : 40 , which is good for me . . . but Nathan texted me about 10 minutes before I got home to tell me that his game was actually at 5 : 15 . Yikes ! ! That gave me about 5 minutes to eat and run . Luckily , Jeff had picked up pizza and had it waiting for me . What a guy ! : ) We hightailed it a couple of towns over , and there were quite a few cars in the high school parking lot . Walked into the gym . . . . and nothing . Dead empty . Huh ? ? ? Called Daniel , who had just made it home from working on the tech crew for the latest musical at our high school , and he checked the schedule . We were in the wrong city ! ! ! I could have sworn Nathan told me the other city . Yikes . By then we were questioning whether it made sense to go to the game , but we were already out . We got to the game in the 3rd quarter , and I did get to peek through the glass and see Nathan on the court , but by the time we actually had paid and were in the gym he was out . Where he remained for the rest of the game because the second string was in . Ah , life . But we were there . : ) And back we 'll go tonight for the next game of the tournament . . . in the right city ! Journal note : Jacob has his first loose tooth . My church has been fasting this month . We chose what it was we wanted to fast and for how long , but the " official " fast period was from Jan . 5 - 26 . As a lifelong Catholic , I 've endured 35 years of Lent and struggled with meatless Fridays as well as the two days of fast and abstinence from meat . For this fast , I chose to fast soda ( my biggest addiction ) and lunch ( I love food . Love it . ) I learned several things with this period of fasting : Somehow it 's much easier to follow through with the fasting when it 's my commitment , rather than an obligation . I 've been much less legalistic ( as in , " OK , exactly how much food can I eat for breakfast / lunch that doesn 't comprise a full meal together " ) . I need to get my attitude about food under control . This has really taught me that I don 't need a snack or another soda just because I 've got a free moment . I will hopefully come out of this with a healthier attitude towards food and , when I resume lunches , make more of an effort to make good choices with what I eat . I can do it when I set my mind to it ! I 've been SO hungry quite a few times , but I 've stuck with it ( except one day where I blew it ) . Limiting what I eat is much easier when I make God a part of it . How many other things in my life need me to write God over them ? How much better could my life be ? ( I think this is the number one lesson right here . ) All of that said , I think I have really missed out on the most important part of the fast . Along with the " giving up " part , we were also supposed to replace that thing with more prayer and time with God . It is still a struggle for me to spend time with God , whether it 's in the Word or in prayer or just in quiet time with Him . Took Jacob to the climbing wall at our local Y tonight . He 's been wanting to climb it , and now that he 's 5 ( yeah , yeah . . . he turned 5 in November , but it just recently occurred to me that now he 's old enough to climb the wall ) he can . Got on the harness , waiting in line , and he had a really nice guy belay him . Got about 2 feet off the ground and was in tears . Here 's about where he stopped . The funny thing is that he 's climbed at least twice as far on a playground rock wall when he wasn 't roped in and waaayyy further on REAL rocks when we were hiking . ( I have the feeling there 's a lesson here about God , but it 's not coming to me . If it does , I 'll be sure to post it . ) In other news , I 'm playing single mother this weekend . Jeff will be at the Cardinals Winter Warmup all weekend . The older boys are with their dad , so it 's just me and Jacob . Naturally I 'm feeling lousy , but it 's not too bad with ibuprofen . We had quite the busy day today . . . 8 : 30 Took Nathan to school so he could take the team bus to the game . 9 : 15 Leave for Nathan 's game ( about 1 / 2 hour away ) . Actually arrive on time . . . something akin to a miracle for me . 10 : 00 Basketball game11 : 30 Lunch with sister - in - law , niece , and nephews . We went to McDonald 's so Jacob and his cousin Alex could play in the playland . With the terribly cold weather ( temps in the single digits and wind chills below zero ) , the kids have been stir crazy . 1 : 00 Niece 's basketball game . OK , that makes one this year , so I have chalked up all the " good aunt " points I 'm going to get . 2 : 30 Nap . Ahhhh ! 7 : 30 - 7 : 35 Rock wall . = ) We 're going to sit down with Jeff and watch Polar Express in a bit . Talk about your busy days ! Haha haha . Just my speed . Tomorrow we have church , then I 'm going to go return some Christmas gifts that didn 't fit right . I 'm planning to save the money towards my bike trip . I 'm feeling excited these days . I 've got plans to do something different , something challenging , for the first time in a long time . We 've gotten boring , you know ? All the work , kids , mom , cab , bills , debt stuff has crowded out our sense of adventure . Several years ago , Jeff and I took a whirlwind trip to the Smoky Mountains . We only had 4 days in March , didn 't really know where we were going , and had no reservations . I mapped out a circuitous route that took us to several attractions , and off we went . We camped and froze and it was too cold to shower at night so we smelled bad , too . . . but boy was it a good trip ! We don 't do much of that kind of thing anymore . Well , no more . I got a bike for my birthday last April , the first " good " bike I 've ever had . Of course , it rained for a month and a half after I got the bike , but once I finally got it out I used the heck out of it . My first actual " bike ride " ( rather than just around the neighborhood ) was 20 miles . I had never ridden than far , and I had no intention of doing it that day , but I got lost on a loop trail and ended up having to backtrack . I just about crawled into the house when I finally got back ! After that , though , I decided that if I could accidentally ride 20 miles , I could do it on purpose , too . Most of my rides were more in the 10 - 15 mile range , but I rode a lot for someone who had maybe ridden for 10 miles in the past 10 YEARS . My aunt is an avid bicyclist . She rides in RAGBRAI and on the Katy Trail ride as well as lots of other rides . She 's been on me about coming to do a 50 - mile leg of the ~ 225 mile ride . Well , I 'm going to do the whole ride . I 'm really excited about the idea in a way that I haven 't been excited about anything lately . I know it 'll be hard , but I 'm looking forward to a challenge and a new experience . I 'm really looking forward to the weather warming up so I can get out and start training . Jeff isn 't crazy about the idea because it 'll take me away from home for a week , and it 's going to be a hassle to figure out what to do with Jacob for thPosted by I 'm currently reading To Live is Christ , Beth Moore 's book about the life of Paul . I 've heard wonderful things about her Bible studies , so I had to get this book when I saw it at Barnes & Noble . I read a couple of quotes today that I want to remember . They really hit home . This passage follows her discussion about how the Pharisees wanted to shut Jesus up and make sure things stayed " finished " after His crucifixion . A few very important things were finished , all right . But the Lord Jesus was not one of them . . . The very thing He finished we can 't seem to leave alone ; and the very thing He hasn 't finished , we try to hald . The work of Calvary is finished . No more payment for sin is necessary . He did it all by Himself on the cross . We can 't earn it . We can 't add to it . It is finished . Yet we try to add our good works to His salvation . However , the work He is doing on behalf of everyone who has accepted Christ as Savior is not finished . Salvation is finished . Sanctification is not . Completion is not . Philippians 1 : 6 promises that " He who tbegan a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus . " Yet we wish He 'd stop picking on us and let us be the boss . . . Give this thought some consideration : sometimes more effort is required to keep rolling the stone back over the tomb than simply to cooperate with the work He seeks to finish in us . . . . Do we want the cross without the resurrection ? Are we trying to stuff the living , working Christ back intot he tomb so He 'll just save us and then leave us alone ? Kind of a mishmash here , because I don 't really have the time to sit down and make this a coherent whole , though I think everything goes together . So here it is . . . Some things this weekend have me thinking . No resolutions as of yet , but things are cooking around in my mind . In no certain order : 1 ) Our pastor is currently doing a series called " 30 Days to Live " . What changes would you make in your life if you knew that you only had a short , finite amount of time left ? I 've always thought , Oh , it would be so easy to be good / eat right / live right if it was for a short time . The reality , of course , all of us have a finite amount of time left , and when viewed from the end it isn 't that much time at all . . . and I have some changes that should be made . 2 ) I 'm reading the book This Book Will Save Your Life . I 'm not that far yet , but the main character seems to be a fairly wealthy guy who 's managed to basically wall himself off from the world to the point that he doesn 't have to leave his house , but through a series of circumstances is forced to rejoin the world . 3 ) Last night , as part of our attempts to actually do something together as a couple , Jeff and I went to see Yes Man , Jim Carrey 's latest movie . Somewhat similar ( at least superficially ) to the book I mentioned . His character has , post - divorce , withdrawn from any kind of social life and turns down basically any offers . . . always playing it safe and insulating himself . He goes to a conference where he is convinced to say " Yes " to any offer , and when he puts this into effect good things start to happen to him . I 'm a good one for saying " no " to things , or even when I say " yes " then I second - guess and worry . Like the guy in # 2 , I find it very easy to stay in the house . I 'm sure that Jeff sometimes wondered to the person he married , because I used to be much more open to doing things , even things that were out of my comfort zone ; now , it seems like " no " is my default answer . It 's easy . It takes no effort to say no . Between the book and the movie , though , it really got me thinkiPosted by World Without End by Ken Follett My review rating : 4 of 5 starsWorld Without End is Follett 's sequel to Pillars of the Earth , but it stands on its own for those who haven 't read the first book . A sweeping saga , in over 900 pages it covers several decades in the life of four main characters who live in and around a medieval cathedral town in England . If I didn 't have any family or work responsibilities , I could have read this book in one ( long ) sitting . It was so involving that I hated to put it down . The characters and setting were well drawn , and the plot moved along well . In addition , I felt like I learned something about life , society , and even construction in the Middle Ages . I would recommend this to anyone who likes to read . It 's a fantastic book ! View all my reviews . The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion My review rating : 2 of 5 starsThis book follows Joan Didion 's process of dealing with and making some sense of a very difficult period in her life . First , her only daughter falls gravely ill and is hospitalized . Just a few days later , her husband of 40 years collapses and dies at the dinner table . I thought the book was stylistically interesting and well crafted . She speaks at one point of " the vortex " . . . the way that something seemingly random can evoke memories of her husband and suck her in unexpectedly . Like a vortex , the book returns to some refrains and events time and time again . " Life changes . Life changes fast . You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends . " While I think it 's a very apt analysis of her grief and the skewed ( " magical " ) thinking that follows such a loss , I didn 't find this book very interesting . The main events of the story happen right at the beginning . The rest of the book is just dealing with what happened in the beginning . I don 't know that this book would be particularly helpful to someone who is in the midst of the immediate grief following a loss , but I 'm sure that those who have passed through it will find themselves in familiar territory . I listened to the audiobook version of the book . The reader was not the author , and with the personal and tragic nature of the events of the book I can 't see how the author could have gotten through it , anyway . The reader did a good job , but I did find the occasional musical interludes annoying . . . and they didn 't seem to add much of anything to the listening experience . View all my reviews . All day long I grumbled about having to work concessions at the varsity basketball game tonight . Even as I complained , I 'd say , " I shouldn 't be complaining because football concessions were a lot of fun , and this probably will be too . " And you know what ? It was ! My feet are killing me , but I had a great time tonight . There were only about 5 of us working , but a sophomore parent and his wife were there . He seems like a nice guy , and I loved his wife . She and I were doing the popcorn machine , and we laughed and talked and joked around like high school girls . It ended up really being a nice evening . Now I 'm going to sit down and play some cards with my husband and middle son while my youngest is asleep and my oldest is watching a movie in the basement with three friends and his girlfriend . And , for the moment , for the most part , I feel like things are right with the world . ( Which beats yesterday , when I burst into tears at QT at this conversation with my " regular " cashier . . . " And how are you today ? " " OK " " Just OK ? " . . . cue tears . Geez . haha ) The Shack by William P . Young My review rating : 2 of 5 starsI may post a more thorough review later , or I may not . I 'm still processing what I read , and I probably would need to reread the book . . . and I don 't know that I will . Like several of the reviews I briefly scanned , I didn 't think the book was at all well - written . The story was very " tell " rather than " show " , and what could have been a gripping plotline . . . wasn 't . I 'm a fast reader , and it took reading over two days to finish this book . I had to make myself sit down and read it . The book hopes to give some answers about where God is in the midst of tragedy / how could a good God let bad things happen as well as the nature of the Holy Trinity and God 's presence with / in us . There were times when , to paraphrase the author , I felt like I was this close to " getting it " before " it " slipped away from me . That said , I thought The Shack was thought - provoking at times and worth reading . It doesn 't give you the answers , but it might flesh out some of your questions . View all my reviews . It has become a tradition in our family to go for a hike on New Year 's Day . Jeff and I first went when Jacob was a baby , and I think we 've gone about every year since then . Somehow , even in January , the weather always cooperates . It may not be warm , but it 's warm enough to go . Well , we didn 't move too quickly on Thursday morning , but eventually we got going . My sister - in - law Jan and some of her kids decided to go along with us , as did my mother - in - law , Carol , her boyfriend , and a family friend . We got to the park and started hiking around 2 : 30 - ish . This picture belies the fact that Jacob had a nap of about 22 minutes and was crabby as heck when we got out of the car . " Carry me ! ! ! " is not what you want to hear at the beginning of a hike ! Of course , the kids ' favorite part is climbing on the rocks . It slows things down , but it 's a nice rest stop for those who need a break . Carol hadn 't intended to go hiking when she left the house , and her slip - on shoes made it even more of a challenge ! Daniel with Jan 's son Alex . Jeff and I . I 'm not pregnant ; I just look that way in my winter coat . : ( Daniel up the tree playing monkey while Nathan tries to shake him out of the tree . Isn 't sibling love grand ? Jacob and Alex watch and learn . These cousins are buddies . I 'm so thankful that Jacob and Alex are so close in age ( 3 months apart ) , especially since they 're both the youngest in their families by quite a bit and highly unlikely to have any younger siblings . Josh and Megan . Of course the little boys had to go check out the frozen " waterfall " . And so did some of the bigger folks . He may be a " grown - up " , but Mike 's the biggest kid of all ! Jeff and JacobAlex and Mike . Alex has no fear . Josh , Megan , and Alex . I think we have a picture of someone in this tree trunk from about every hike we 've taken here . Nathan , Megan , and JanIs there anything better than shuffling through leaves ? And now watch the sun set on our hike . . . It didn 't seem this dark at the time . . . All done with the hike . . . and a beautiful sky . . . Within about 10 minutes of hitting the parPosted by I 've spent a lot of time on facebook lately . I 've had a chance to reconnect with some friends from my college days , and it 's been neat to look back at some pictures and see those faces again . What I 've been most struck by , though , is how little connection I have to many people from that time . Though I went to the same college for 3 years , I really only was a typical student for one . I got pregnant my freshman year , got married my sophomore year , and lived off - campus ( though very close ) with my husband and son for the next year or so . I still went to school , but I worked about 20 hours a week as well and had a baby to take care of , so it wasn 't like I was any part of campus life . I basically have one friend from that period of my life . As I 've been reflecting on my past , it seems like this is a continuing theme in my life . . . my lack of roots or continuing connection . I have a few close friends from high school , but I don 't see them often . I keep in sporadic touch with one friend from the 3 years I lived in Rockford . I have friends at work , but they aren 't people I often do things socially with . We have friends from volleyball , but if we aren 't playing we don 't do anything with them . My life is centered around our family , both our little family and our siblings . That 's not a bad thing , but I really feel a need for something more . Right now I feel very adrift . It 's a lousy thing to say , but my family isn 't enough for me . And while I 've read in several places that I can 't expect other people to fill a void for me - - that I should be turning to God to complete me - - I don 't even know how to do that . It turns out that I 'm not good at building relationships with much of anyone . * * * UPDATE : So , last night as I was feeling sorry for myself , I headed to bed with my Bible and the book I was currently reading ( The Shack , which isn 't going to get a review from me yet because I 'm still processing it ) . I haven 't kept up well with my Bible reading during this break , and I wanted to at least read a few verses . I opened to the spot where I Kate Geisen Every year when I was growing up , we celebrated Christmas with my Dad 's side of the family on Christmas Eve . " Christmas Eve " gradually became " some time around Christmas " , and it 's been harder and harder to get together as we have gotten married , had kids , moved in different directions . We even missed one year , eventually getting a few of us together in late January . This year , my cousin in Kansas City hosted the family gathering . They 're the only ones who live there , but they live in a big , beautiful old house with lots of bedrooms and extra space , so almost everyone just spent the night with them . We had the best time ! Usually , the gatherings last about 1 1 / 2 hours ( at best ) before everyone has to go their separate ways . Since we were all staying at the same house , though , we were able to just relax and visit . We talked and laughed and talked . I had the opportunity to beat my cousin ( who fancies himself quite the card shark ! ) in gin , too , which was fun . Since everyone had a glass ( or three ) of wine or beer , the conversations ranged wildly . We held the first " drunk book club " . . . since we ended up talking about books among other things . My kids had a wonderful time , too . Jacob loved running up the back staircase and down the front staircase . I think he ran laps for an hour or so ! They all played hide and seek ( even the teenagers ) , ate cookies , played video games , ate cookies , watched movies , ate cookies , went to the show together , and snuck down for more cookies . I think Nathan slept for a total of 15 minutes that night because he was up talking . One funny thing about the trip . It was about 65 degrees here at home when we left . Drove 4 1 / 2 hours west , and it was in the low 30 's when we got there ! It even snowed that night , so Jacob sort of got the white Christmas he 'd been praying for . Of course , all we had were light sweatshirts , so he only got it through the window ! Naturally , I forgot my camera , but hopefully some of my cousins will send me pictures to add to the post . This overnight trip was probably the best part Posted by |
Real estate mogul werewolf Rafe Denali didn 't get where he is in life by being a pushover . When sexy she - wolf Jade Ashton nearly drowns in the surf outside his beach house , he knows better than to bring her into his home and his heart . But there 's something about her that brings out his strongest instincts … Rafe has good reason to be suspicious . Jade Ashton and her baby son are pawns in an evil wolf 's fatal plan . How can Jade betray the gorgeous man who rescued her ? But if she doesn 't , her baby will die , and her own life hangs in the balance … Jade Ashton had made a lot of mistakes in her life , but returning to her brother 's pack topped the list . She should have known the pack members wouldn 't accept her son , the product of a love affair with a human , despite pretending they were fine with it . She glanced at her three - year - old son , napping on the daybed in her office in her brother 's home where she alternated between sketching new designs for intimate apparel and for a new baby and toddler wear line she had developed when her son was born . She felt a little dizzy , probably because she 'd been so busy that she hadn 't had anything to drink in hours . She got up from her chair and headed out the door , practically running into her twin brother moving silently down the hall like a wolf . She fell back and gasped softly when he grabbed her arm to steady her . Did he know she intended to leave the pack , again ? Or did he want to tell her he didn 't think her being here was working out ? " I need to get some water . And we can 't talk long because Toby will be waking in a half hour or so . " It had better , because she wasn 't going to be drawn into any long - winded discussions with her brother . She hadn 't told him she was leaving first thing in the morning . She wasn 't sure how he 'd take it . She had to admit she was afraid he 'd try to talk her out of it . But she was determined . Every time he and the others had looked at her son in judgment , she 'd been annoyed . Not only that , but she 'd caught Kenneth and the others having secret conversations and then abruptly stopping whenever they saw her approaching . The pack members pretended to tolerate her son , but she saw through the facade . They didn 't like her having a human son who couldn 't shift . They believed he could be a danger to the pack . Which was one of the reasons she had left just after her son was born . She had also wanted to save his human father from her brother 's wrath . But raising Toby on her own had been tough . When her brother had promised that the pack members wanted her to live with them and have the backup they could provide , she had agreed . She and her son had left southern Texas far behind , so she figured she 'd never run into Toby 's father again . And Kenneth had sounded sincere in wanting to ensure her protection - just like a pack leader should . She wanted to be part of a family again . She didn 't have a lone wolf personality . Clearly , the members had changed their minds about having her and her son there . Unless they had never wanted her back and it was all her brother 's idea . He was the pack leader , so ultimately , it was his decision - one he was apparently coming to regret . He was just being stubborn , didn 't want to admit he 'd made a mistake , and didn 't want to have to tell her to leave . Then again , maybe he realized she was planning to leave . Being twins , they sometimes sensed things like that before they really shared with each other . She hadn 't packed anything yet . She planned to tell him in the morning , before he left for work at his auto body shop . She thought it would be easier on all of them that way . She 'd call him when she got settled and let him know where she was staying . It was for the best - for her son , for her , and for Kenneth and the pack . She raised her brows , then grabbed a glass from the kitchen cabinet . Between raising Toby and running her own businesses , she didn 't have time for a whole lot else . But if this was something quick that she could do this afternoon , she would , to thank Kenneth for taking her in - and then she was through with the pack . The front door shut , and she figured Kenneth 's girlfriend , Lizzie , was running out for something . She was a wolf too , which meant they were sleeping together , but he hadn 't decided to mate her yet so they hadn 't gone all the way . If they did , he 'd be stuck with her as his mate for life . Jade didn 't know why the she - wolf put up with her brother . If Jade was in a situation like Lizzie 's , she 'd tell the wolf that either they mated or she 'd look elsewhere . But Jade supposed Lizzie wanted to be a pack leader 's mate and was sticking around in case Kenneth decided she was it . Total beta wolf . " Like hell my business isn 't making enough money . " She was extremely tight with her money . No fancy food for either of them . No special entertainment . No expensive clothes . Since lupus garous lived so long , she had worked other jobs to help pad her bank account before Toby was born . She wasn 't wealthy , but she got by just fine . As long as she was frugal . " That 's okay . Being here with the pack isn 't working out for Toby and me anyway . " " Listen , Kenneth , you know no one wants my son here . And they barely tolerate me . You make Lizzie babysit Toby sometimes when I really need someone to watch him so I can work , but it 's not fair to her . The rest of the pack worries about him . I appreciate all you 've done for me . I really do . " She shrugged . " But … I know this is the right thing for me to do . And for you and the pack too . I 'm leaving tomorrow , and we can get together from time to time … later . " She really didn 't believe that would happen , but she 'd make the gesture anyway . What part of she was leaving did her brother not get ? He was so stubborn ! Or did he feel it was his place as pack leader to decide if she was leaving ? He hadn 't decided things for her since before she left the pack nearly four years earlier , and she wasn 't going to allow him to start now . " Yeah , Dr . Aidan Denali . He wanted to take some of Toby 's , and I said no . What of it ? He 's not asking to take blood samples from Toby again , is he ? " " So ? " She 'd never heard of the guy . Not that she 'd heard of Aidan Denali either before she 'd met him at Kenneth 's house . Since Toby wasn 't a shifter , there was no reason for Aidan to take blood from him . Though she hadn 't given the doctor that reason since he hadn 't needed to know . She closed her gaping mouth . She had never known anything about her grandparents . Since her brother had taken over the pack when their parents died , he 'd been the one interested in all things family . She 'd been rather a wild card growing up . She 'd always known she would never run the pack , so she 'd done her own thing . After her son was born , she 'd thrown herself into her work and raising him . No room for getting into any further trouble . She was faced with enough already . " - in financial circles . The kind that you don 't belong to . I know where he lives . He and his brother are close , but Aidan lives somewhere else . I want you to befriend Rafe and learn where Aidan lives . " " He 's a bachelor wolf . He 's not dating any she - wolves . I 've checked . If he sees you , and you intrigue him , you can cozy up to him and learn where his brother lives . " " I told you . Rafe is ruthless . When he gets hold of a cure for our condition , he 'll sell it to only those who can afford it . What if lupus garous begin to age even more rapidly than we are now ? What if we don 't just end up with a human 's life span , but our bodies begin to age rapidly to match all the years we 've already lived ? Hell , your boy would lose you , and he 'd have no one to raise him . Think about it . " She had thought about it . But she wasn 't one to live with a fatalist viewpoint on life . She hadn 't thought her brother was either . Until now . " Send Lizzie . " Jade turned to leave , and her brother seized her arm . She rounded on him , yanking her arm away from him , and said , " We 're family , Kenneth , but that doesn 't give you the right to make me do things that go against what I believe in . If the worst - case scenario ever comes to pass , I 'm sure wolves can unite and make the brothers see the right in this . " " Oh , wow , give me a break . I hope you didn 't tell her that . " Jade started heading back to her office , but she hadn 't taken more than a few steps when her brother cleared his throat . " I need you to do this . Whatever it takes . After that , you and your son can be on your way . You really don 't have a choice . " " Nothing would make lying to the Denalis worthwhile , no matter why you want this information . Toby and I will be leaving tonight . " Sooner - once she could get her car packed and Toby ready for the journey . She 'd have to plot a course too . Had her brother known about the wolf geneticist before he 'd asked her to return to the pack ? She whipped around . When Kenneth didn 't deny it , she swore under her breath . " I thought you were concerned about me and my son . Or at least me . Thanks for letting me in on the truth . " Furious with her brother , she stalked off toward the office and had nearly reached the doorway when Kenneth let his breath out in a huff . Lizzie ! She must have taken him when Jade heard the front door open . Lizzie was the only one who was close enough to Toby that if she woke him while taking him from his bed , he wouldn 't cry out . He 'd settle in her arms and go back to sleep . Kenneth had stalled Jade long enough for Lizzie to gather up Toby and leave . Shocked at what he had done and angrier than she ever thought she could be , Jade hurried out of the room , ready to kill her brother - but only after he told her where her son was . " Where is he , Kenneth ? I swear I 'll - " " You 'll do this one thing for me , and he 's yours . And then you can damn well leave the pack . But if you ever cause any trouble for our kind , I 'll kill both of you . " So furious she couldn 't think straight , she beat on her brother 's chest with her fists , cursing at him until he grabbed her wrists and slammed her against the wall . " I 'm serious about this , Jade . Do what I say , and your son won 't meet his father 's fate . " " What ? " Tears filled her eyes , but she tried to get a grip on her emotions so he wouldn 't see her as weak . Kenneth had promised he would leave Stewart alone if she left the area before he even knew she was pregnant , and she never had anything more to do with him . She felt sucker punched . " Why ? You said … " It didn 't matter now . All that mattered was Toby 's safety . " Damn you , Kenneth . " Maynard Myer - one of the men who worked in Kenneth 's body shop - interrupted them , red - faced . He was a redheaded bulldog of a man who had brazenly shown his contempt for her and Toby when he dropped by the house . She suspected Maynard didn 't want to intrude on this scene , but the news had to be serious enough for him to do so . No matter how angry she was , she knew she didn 't have a choice . She had to get her son back before her brother killed him . She grabbed Toby 's rainbow bear and hurried into her room to pack , praying she could pull this off without getting her son killed . If Grayton was threatening her brother , what if he took out Kenneth 's debt on his closest relations ? Her and her son ? Jade had driven by Rafe Denali 's house numerous times , watching for Rafe to leave so she could run into him wherever he ended up going . Accidentally . The palatial mansion was set back off the road , a long circular drive visible beyond the gates and providing a glimpse of the white stucco house with its ocean view , but not much more . She hurried to catch up to him . She couldn 't imagine what he 'd be buying . Wouldn 't he have someone else buy his groceries ? If she were shopping , she 'd get fresh corn and tomatoes . In all of the research she had done on Rafe , she hadn 't seen one thing that indicated he had a girlfriend . She let out her breath . Just her luck . She hesitated , feeling jittery and uptight , but she had to run into him , making it look real and not faked , and then apologize . He 'd smell she was a wolf and maybe get interested . God , how she hated this . But she had to do it for her son . " Yeah , Derek . Not sure what else to get her . But I thought she 'd like these . " He paid for the bouquet of red and pink roses , and the two men walked off . She wasn 't going to get anywhere with this while he was with a friend - or whoever Derek was . But since it was the first time she 'd seen Rafe leave his place , she decided to wait in her car for him to leave and see where he went next . Or maybe try running into him when Derek left . She climbed into her car and rolled down the windows , then Googled Rafe on her cell phone . The site that mentioned him the most was written by a photojournalist named LK Marks . He seemed to be obsessed with Rafe 's lifestyle - how Rafe hosted charity events but seemed reclusive otherwise . A number of times , LK Marks mentioned that Rafe was one of California 's most eligible bachelors . The last posting anyone had made concerning the billionaire was a week ago . So maybe the paparazzi were off chasing someone else for a change and Rafe was old news . Which was good news for her . Then two hours passed . She left her vehicle and was searching for him when she spied him sitting on the veranda of a Mexican café , burritos on his plate and a glass of iced tea beside it . He was talking with Derek , a couple of packages on the table next to the bouquet of roses . So they must have gone shopping . She let her breath out in an irritated huff . She wasn 't cut out for spy work . Now what ? She needed to get Rafe alone . Unless she could take a seat near him and he caught her wolf scent and piqued his interest , but all the tables out on the veranda were full . She asked the hostess how long it would take to get a veranda seat . Approximately an hour . Across the street , there was a sandwich shop . She headed to it , figuring she could get a view of the Mexican café from there and watch until he left . Twenty - minute wait there . Trying not to look obvious that she was watching Rafe , she quickly glanced over the menu and decided on a chicken and provolone sandwich . She was called to her table , and when she walked with the hostess through the restaurant to the outdoor seating , she saw where the woman was leading her . Perfect . Flowers obscured the men 's view of her , but she could peek through to watch them . She took her seat and thanked the hostess , then looked over at the men - but they were gone . Early in the morning , Rafe Denali perched above the rest of the world , reclining on his poolside lounger and eyeing the aqua - colored Pacific Ocean , the foamy , white waves crashing against the beach with their usual unpredictable rhythm . A rainbow - colored hot - air balloon and a bank of puffy clouds drifted across the bright blue sky , pushed by the ever - present salty sea breeze . Seagulls called out as they soared high above , and long - legged sandpipers ran across the wet beach as the water began to recede , looking for a meal . A few beachgoers had erected colorful umbrellas in blues and yellows and pinks , along with chaise longues or chairs , and were sunbathing or reading . A few were walking the beach . Life couldn 't be better . Rafe had needed a break after making another thirty - million - dollar sale , and what better way to do that than by sipping a mixed - fruit smoothie while visiting with his best friend , Derek Spencer - also one of the filthy rich and , like him , a wolf . But he couldn 't relax completely . Rafe was certain that different men had been following him for the past week or so , watching his every move . He 'd had one of his private investigators trying to learn what was up , but without success . He knew those following him hadn 't been paparazzi looking to capture shots of him to show to the world , or sexy women looking to catch his attention - he was used to that . After all , he was an extremely eligible bachelor , at least as far as the unknowing public thought . He was certain that if human women knew he was also a wolf , his single , male billionaire status wouldn 't have as much appeal . The problem was that the men following him were wolves - just as wary and capable of concealment and evasion in their human form as in their wolf coats . What had tipped him off was that the men hadn 't been carrying cameras when following him as humans . And when he 'd caught them watching him at various restaurants or stores , they 'd quickly looked away . But when he 'd tried to track them , they 'd always given him the slip . Sometimes , they left a bit of a telltale wolf scent behind , as if they 'd used hunter 's spray for concealment but hadn 't quite masked their own unique scent . Rafe took another sip of his smoothie . This was so different from when he 'd lived with the pack of his birth . He had moved on , left that life behind , wanting something more . The power to make things happen in the human world , not just with a pack . " When he 's running his experiments , he doesn 't like to discuss the results - or , I should say , details - with anyone . Certainly not with me , since that 's not my field of expertise . Just like I don 't discuss the details of my real estate ventures with him . " " Yeah . He 's let me in on his other research so I 'll know where he is at all times . He 's studied children with progeria , a premature aging syndrome . He also investigated an eight - year - old girl who still had the physical maturity of an infant , having barely aged in all that time . Another case was that of a forty - year - old man who looked like a ten - year - old boy . A couple others : a twenty - nine - year - old man who appeared to be ten , and a woman who was thirty - four but looked like she was two years old . So the rate of aging was significantly different for each of them . Derek finished his smoothie and set the glass on the table . " With all the research he 's doing , I think he needs a bodyguard . Knowing how to return us to our original wolf life spans could be dangerous in the wrong hands . " " Agreed . I have a man watching his back , even though Aidan wouldn 't approve if he knew . So I haven 't mentioned it to anyone . Aidan doesn 't believe he 's close to learning anything . " Rafe studied a couple of bikini - clad babes running along the beach below his estate . He swore the women were plants , seeking to catch his attention . Most of the wealthy landowners up here were older . Truth be told , he was much older than them . But in human years , he appeared to be thirty . He was also looking for anyone who seemed to be watching him , but he didn 't see anyone like that here today . What really caught his eye was a woman wearing a pair of white short shorts with what looked like a one - piece bathing suit underneath , though the back plunged so low that all he could see were the royal blue straps . What piqued his curiosity even more was how low the front of the swimsuit was cut . It was funny how sometimes a one - piece and a pair of shorts could be more enticing than a tiny bikini . " Hard to tell . They have all the right curves , the tanned bodies , the skimpy bikinis . I think one was a redhead yesterday though . So you think it 's a ploy to see if one of them would appeal more to you ? " Before Rafe could reply , Derek tacked on , " Given a choice , which would ? " Rafe glanced at his lifelong friend . Tall , tanned , and muscular like him , Derek was much fairer , his hair blonder and his eyes amber . They didn 't exactly appear like the billionaire type . Not to mention they had a wolfish wild side to them . Both were wearing board shorts - his green with a blue ocean wave , Derek 's an orange - and - white floral - and they looked more like surfer dudes , except neither of them surfed . As a wolf , Rafe preferred swimming , hiking , running , boating , or climbing - freestyle . In a gesture of feigned exasperation , Derek threw up his hands . " Okay , so most are interested in our money more than anything . Sometimes it 's important to just have fun . " Rafe checked out the woman walking deeper into the water . He grew worried when he saw the telltale signs of danger . The surf was flatter there , looking like a road heading out to sea . The color was lighter than the surrounding water , the foam on the surface moving out to sea , instead of being drawn into the shore like the regular breakers . A rip current . Which could imperil the woman . A summer of storms and hurricanes had altered the landscape of the ocean floor along the Pacific coast , creating more rip currents , which had resulted in more lifeguard rescues in the area . Except they didn 't have any lifeguards here . That meant whenever Rafe took a breather from work and relaxed poolside , he watched the situation in front of his estate as if he were the local lifeguard . He couldn 't help it . If he saw someone in danger , he was compelled to lend a hand . Rip currents typically flowed faster than any human could swim . If the woman he saw walking into the rip current was caught up in it , she could be pulled out to sea as much as half a mile or more before it ended . It wouldn 't pull its victim under ; usually , those who drowned had attempted to swim against the flow , panicking in an effort to return to the shore through the path of the rip current , tiring them to the point of exhaustion . If she was a good swimmer and knew how to navigate horizontally to the beach , or remained calm and treaded water until the rip lost its drive , she should make it just fine . USA Today bestselling author Terry Spear has written over fifty paranormal and medieval Highland historical romances . In 2008 Heart of the Wolf was named a Publishers Weekly Best Book of the Year . A retired officer of the U . S . Army Reserves , Terry also creates award - winning teddy bears that have found homes all over the world . She lives in Crawford , Texas . MeljprincessJuly 2 , 2016 at 11 : 52 AMOMG ! A new series ! Terry , I 'm so excited . And I would really like to win a copy of " Billionaire in Wolf 's Clothing " . I am about to start treatment for breast cancer ( Mastectomy included ) and I 'll be doing a lot of reading . I love your books . OMG . Love them ! I 'm not bringing friends . In this case I don 't want to share . lol ! Forgive me . . . . . ReplyDeleteRepliesMeljprincessJuly 6 , 2016 at 9 : 18 AMUPDATE : My husband surprised me with this book yesterday ! It 's a gem ! Terry , if you read this I am thrilled to have your newest . Hubby was happy to see me so excited . Exciting moments are few and far between these days . DeleteReplyAdd commentLoad more . . . |
Sybella Gandry knows what it 's like to fight for something she wants . Her entire life has been a battle . But will one night of passion with a stranger threaten everything she 's worked so hard for ? She hoped her first meeting with the Alpha Council wouldn 't turn into a problem - but if it did , she was prepared to deal with it . The one thing she wasn 't anticipating was a wild night of passion with the male who was her fated mate the night before . She 'd learned early on , that having a mate and her position within the pard just wasn 't possible . Laird Connors is an Alpha 's Alpha and he 's very used to getting his way . So , true to his nature , when he meets his mate he wastes no time in showing her exactly who she belongs to - or so he thought . His little cat tries to run , but nothing will stop him from claiming what 's his . In seconds , he had her jeans and panties stripped and his own thrown across the room as he knelt in front of her . The intensity in his eyes was enthralling as he growled again and then lunged at her . She wasn 't frightened , though . On the contrary , she knew she was about to get fucked and fucked good . His arms scooped her up , and then they were both bouncing on the large king sized bed . Immediately he moved down her body , his hands pushing her legs wide open and up as he settled himself in between them . She didn 't even have a second to anticipate what he was about to do before his mouth descended upon her pussy , licking and nibbling over every single inch . Two thick fingers plunged into her core , thrusting in and out as he sucked her throbbing clit in between his lips . It was a full - on assault of sensations , and before she even knew it , her entire body was coiled in preparation to come , her hands tightening their grip in his hair as she pressed her hips harder into his mouth , and when he bit down on her clit she screamed as the orgasm echoed through her core . The waves of pleasure ebbed over and over again until his mouth finally released her . Bella could feel the throbbing heat of his cock pressed against her pussy . She was so wet now that it easily slid through the swollen lower lips , causing small tremors to pulse through her womb in aftershocks . His arms were on each side of her waist , holding him above her , and she rested her hands at the top of his ass . She slowly opened her eyes , and her lips broke into a lazy smile , her hand coming up to rest against his cheek . She loved the thick stubble she felt there - it had felt even more amazing against the inside of her thighs . His deep green eyes seared her with their gaze , and it felt like he was looking right into her soul as he pulled his hips back and found her entrance . She sighed as he slid his thickness into her slowly as if he was savoring the feel of her around him . It seemed an oddly sentimental moment for such a sexually aggressive male , and not normally one she would appreciate from a bed partner - but something was different with this one . Once he had pushed himself all the way inside of her , a low rumble had once again begun to come from deep inside his chest as he lifted her legs to slide his arms underneath them . Her breath caught as he pulled her closer , his balls nudging up against her ass , and then he began to move . He pulled all the way out of her snug heat , and then slammed back in , his gaze never leaving hers . Bella 's hands held onto his forearms , grasping at the only part of him she could reach as he began to thrust in and out of her , over and over again . She could feel her fangs dropping as her cougar snarled inside , encouraging the male to move faster , to fuck them harder . His own teeth were now visible as well , and sweat rolled down his face and chest as he worked her . His wide , thick cock didn 't miss a single nerve inside of her , and her body lit up with pleasure . Every stroke seemed to take her higher and the harder he took her , the more she needed . Suddenly he growled and released her , slipping out of her sheath abruptly , but before she could complain , he had flipped her over onto her hands and knees . He pushed her legs apart and slid back inside , his hands now over her shoulders , using the leverage to pull her back onto his cock at a furious pace . Well , she 'd asked for harder , and boy , did she get it . The intensity of his fucking made her inner animal go crazy , wanting to claw at him , to mark this partner in her fury of lust . Over and over again , his shaft thrust inside of her , and she would have done anything to feel the release of his seed into her waiting center . When one of his talented hands finally moved back down , around her hip and pinched her swollen clit , her pussy spasmed around him , trying with everything it had to take him with her . Stephen Skollsgaard is worn down from the duties of Pack Alpha . Now , the Huntress demands he hunt magical prey in a ceremonial hunt - one more burden for an overwhelmed Alpha . And worse , she sends an arrogant , narcissistic dragon to accompany him . Zhang had nothing against London . It was a respectably large city , though a bit on the cold and rainy side . He had to get used to it . The cities in this part of the world weren 't like those in the East and certainly not like those in the celestial realm where he did most of his business . Still , Zhang had a job to do . He was here , by special request , from the Goddess of the Hunt herself . She ruled beasts and fighters and those with the wild nature . Creatures whose lives were ruled around the chase and the hunt . Shapeshifting creatures like himself . There were so many more people in the world since the last time Zhang had visited . It was louder , busier , and the air was dirtier . The wild spaces were being encroached upon with frightening speed . Zhang finally found the place he was looking for . It was a stone building , firmly built , but with broken windows and detritus surrounding the outside . If the excessive noise didn 't indicate it as a place for a Pack meeting , then the smell of Wolfkin in rut certainly would . The hall was clearly too small for all of them . Rows of tables from one end of the hall to the other with chairs left barely enough room to walk between them . The Wolfkin didn 't seem to mind . The Wolfkin ignored Zhang . His scent gave off no threat , so few paid him any mind . Zhang was just one more figure lurking in the corners . He was dressed down for this event , having traveled for three days in human form . Dragon form was quicker but Zhang wanted to be low key . Besides , people might notice . Wolfkin sightings were easily explained away but Dragons took quite of bit of magical spellwork to conceal . Zhang wasn 't in the mood to have to pay some greedy sorcerer just to cover up a sighting . Seeing Aria again only serves to remind Lucas that he 's known his destined mate since he was ten years old , except Aria never knew , because Lucas didn 't feel worthy of her . He 's worked hard to build a life for himself in Ashton Grove , but how can he claim her after everything she 's been through ? Even he isn 't that selfish . Aria may be damaged , but she still wants Lucas just as much as she did when they were kids . But the sexy wolf seems determined to keep their relationship as friends only . What will it take to make him see her as something more than his childhood friend ? If Aria can 't have Lucas , she doesn 't want anyone . Aria 's body ached , her latest beating having left fresh welts and bruises . She felt like one , big , walking sore , but no matter what they dished out , no matter how severe her punishment , she refused to bend to her uncle 's wishes . It would be a long , cold day in Hell before she 'd bow and scrape before the likes of Boudreaux LeBlanc , her uncle 's best friend . The man was insane , not to mention the meanest son of a bitch she 'd ever met . He 'd never had a kind word for anyone in his life , and now her luck had run out because he 'd decided he wanted her for his mate . Even worse , her uncle was in complete agreement . Sadistic bastard . Boudreaux wasn 't the first man her uncle had tried to pair her with . There had been three others over the past two years , and Aria knew what would happen when she refused to back down . The pain and horror of what happened those other times lived on in her mind . While it may not have scarred her physically , emotionally … well , let 's just say she wasn 't going to trust men very easily ever again . She pushed the curtain aside and peered through the window . It had been quite a while since she 'd been free to roam the pack grounds . Uncle Remus had deemed her unfit company until she 'd give her word that she would mate with the loco Boudreaux . Because she had refused , she 'd been locked in her room for a week now , and it was never going ot happen ; she 'd never give her word to mate with him . She was lucky her small closet had been turned into a tiny half - bath when she 'd joined the pack shortly after her eighteenth birthday ; otherwise , she wouldn 't even have had a toilet to use , or a sink so she could wash up . Her hair was filthy , the long strands greasy and repellent . She 'd plaited it , doing the best she could with what little she was given . Uncle Remus was afraid if he let her out of her room , she 'd find a way out of the small cabin , and once that happened , he knew she 'd hit the road . Well , swamp . It was a long way to the nearest town . What he didn 't realize was that the boards in the corner of her room were loose , enough so that she 'd been able to dig a little each night . It wasn 't a big hole , but it was big enough for her animal to fit through . All she had to do was shift , dig the rest of the way out , and she would be free ! Naked , but free . But hey , everything came with a price . At this point , anything was better than prostituting herself to an abusive asshole for the rest of her life . However long that might be . Boudreaux had already had one mate . She 'd died less than a year after their mating ceremony . There were rumors that he 'd killed her , not that anyone was going to step up and do something about it . She winced as she moved , her muscles pulling and contracting painfully . Aria had heard murmurs in the hall earlier , when no one thought she was listening , or maybe they just didn 't care if she knew her fate . Her uncle was desperate and had determined the best way to control her would be to drug her . He 'd ordered Ruth Ann , the pack cook , to dose her food with sedatives , like valerian root . She was certain there would be other things in there , things meant to keep her calm and docile . She had little doubt they would continue to dose her food until it took effect , and since she didn 't plan to eat it , that could be a while . Well , either that or she 'd starve to death . A glance out the window showed the sun was setting , which meant the guards outside the cabin would be changing shifts . If she was going to run away , it was now or never . Aria slipped out of her clothes , shifted into her animal , and dug her way out of the room . Once she popped out on the other side , nose twitching , she froze and scanned the area , looking for signs of trouble . It looked like no one was paying attention to her . Fast as she could , she made a dash for it , leaving the pack behind her . Aria didn 't stop until she reached a small settlement not far from the highway . She shifted back , grabbed some clothes off a line in someone 's backyard , and made her way to the road . She 'd have to be careful , if her pack had realized she was missing , they would be searching for her . Watching from the tree line , she waited until she saw a car with out - of - state plates on the front . Texans were friendly , right ? Then again , they probably ate rabbit stew . Stepping up to the edge of the highway , she held out her thumb , hoping they would stop and give her a lift . Hitchhiking was dangerous , but it had to be safer than staying with her family . Anything had to be safer than that . The car slowed and pulled over . The man behind the wheel appeared to be in his sixties and gave her a kindly smile . Aria pulled open the door and slid into the passenger 's seat . He nodded and put the car in gear . " Buckle up . I 'm on my way to Chattanooga . You just tell me when you want to be let out . " He smiled at her . " Well , if it isn 't , I 'll get you as close as I can . You just sit back and rest . We 'll have you somewhere safe soon . " " Thank you . " Aria let her eyes drift closed , finally able to relax for the first time in a while . Not much longer and she 'd be safe with Amber , the shifter she 'd been talking to in Ashton Grove . When the call had gone out last year that the Ashton Grove pack was seeking new members , she 'd contacted them , without her family 's knowledge . She knew at least two members of the pack and thought it would be a nice place to call home . Now , things were different . She didn 't delude herself into thinking she 'd have a happily - ever - after there . It would be a resting spot . Maybe the alpha would be able to give her sanctuary while she figured out the next leg of her journey . That 's all she would ask of him . It wouldn 't be fair to bring danger to his door , not after everything the pack had been through . Her friend , Amber , had told her demons were on their way to Ashton Grove ; of course , that was more than six months ago now . She hadn 't heard from Amber in a while , and she worried about her friend , but she was trying to keep her contact with Ashton Grove to a minimum so her family wouldn 't look for her there first . Jessica Morris has a secret that could get her killed . Hiding in plain sight , pretending to be normal , is all she 's ever known . And even though she 's been lucky so far , she knows that she can 't hide in Shifter Falls forever . Getting involved with the town sheriff is the last thing she needs , but lately it 's all she can think about . Novak Porter has watched Jessica since the first day she came into town . He suspects that , like everyone else in Shifter Falls , she 's got a skeleton or two in her closet . She 's nervous around him , and for years he 's forced himself to give her time . But when a chance encounter throws them together for more than five minutes , Novak decides he 's tired of waiting . He 'll do whatever it takes to keep her around . Convincing her to work for him is easy , but getting her to believe in happily ever after might be a little more difficult . Jessica turned to the voice in the darkness . The sexiest voice on the face of the planet . " Sheriff , " she said , her pulse increasing when she turned to look at him . He looked as if he had been built of stone , and again she wondered just exactly what sort of shifter he was . No one seemed to know , or be willing to share , which was very strange in a town like Shifter Falls . Then again , she didn 't let anyone know what she was , either , so it could just be a privacy thing . " I 'm not sure what 's going on , but suddenly all the electronics inside the car went completely dead . The lights , dash , everything . I 'm afraid it 's the alternator , since it has a brand - new battery . " She might be a lot of things , but she wasn 't completely stupid . " And I think that Jagger 's cub swiped my cell phone , again , so do you think you could maybe call a tow for me ? " She shook her head . " That little guy gets me every single time . I swear he 's taken more cell phones off of me than I can count . Phi is never able to find them , so there 's no telling what he does with them . " She was snickering as she said that . She didn 't know why she was talking so much , but she was . The sheriff was watching her intently and didn 't seem all that bothered by her random rambling . He merely pulled out his cell and put in a call for a truck . " Mick will come get your car . He said to leave the keys on the passenger front tire since he might be a while . They had to pull a couple cars from a slough after some young twits decided that drag racing with their parents ' cars was a good plan . Come on , I 'll give you a ride home . " She whistled . " Oh boy . I bet there are going to be some kids in serious trouble about right now . Thanks for the offer of the ride . " She grabbed her purse , locked the car , and put the keys on the front passenger tire as she had been instructed . " You 'll probably be going out of your way a bit . I live at twenty - nine Forest Acre Road . " It was a dirt road surrounded by forest and she loved it . Nature called to her , and at least there she didn 't have to worry about nulling any abilities as she typically did when she was near other witches . " No worries at all . It keeps me out of the station until the parents have finally wound down to a dull roar and the kids have had a few minutes for everything to sink in . Anyhow , I think that an hour 's worth of stewing before I arrive to come up with some interesting charges might help the situation . By then I 'll know if the lawyers have actually been called in or not and can figure out how to play this to keep the kids from doing something worse down the line . " The sheriff held her door for her , then shut it when she settled into her seat . A minute later he was setting out reflective markers behind her car before sliding in behind the wheel to take her toward town and home . " You are a good man . Too bad you can 't keep a secretary to save your gorgeous ass . " She felt her face turn red from heat when she realized she 'd blurted that out . " Crap , ignore me . I don 't know what I 'm saying . " She cringed , but then shrugged . Since it was too late to take her candid observation back , she pressed on . " Well , from what I understand , you have gone through thirteen of them inside of three months . That 's outstanding right there . " He leveled a look on her she couldn 't read . She was only thankful he seemed to ignore her initial comment and it allowed her cheeks to cool . " I have a specific way I expect things to be done . And , I admit , my temper can get the best of me . Everything we do can be called into question inside a courtroom . If even one I isn 't dotted right , or a T was missed being crossed , that is potentially a dangerous offender being allowed out on the street due to clerical error . Unacceptable in my book so , yes , I have some impossibly high standards I expect to be carried out by every man and woman in the department . " " No , not impossibly high standards . They are perfectly reasonable . The way that everyone made it sound you were seriously a neat freak nut job , but what you 're saying doesn 't sound like that at all . " She understood the importance of perfect record keeping , of ensuring that everything was where it should be at all times . " When the council took me on as their secretary , I had to redo a hell of a lot of stuff because the person before me couldn 't seem to understand that paperwork is filed by number then letter . Idiots . " She smirked and looked over at him . " I guess I have high standards as well . Then again since I 'm a witch without abilities , I have to be able to contribute somehow , right ? Especially with my mother 's coven proclaiming me to be nothing but a human . " That 's what all of Shifter Falls thought of her , and she was happy to keep it that way . When she 'd first started out on her own , she 'd wondered if it wouldn 't have been smarter , and safer , to try to hide even the fact that she 'd been born into a witch family . Ultimately she 'd decided that it was better to stick as close to the truth as possible . So she never tried to hide the fact that she had been born to witch parents . It was unlikely that she would ever run into anyone from her old coven , but on the off chance that she did , she didn 't want to arouse suspicion by being caught in a lie . Besides , being known as a witch without powers - therefore , more or less , human - kept her just as safe as if she 'd tried to pass herself off as a normal human . " I 'm glad you understand . Few do , " he muttered . " I think the council foisted their rejects my way for some form of payback . They all loved the idea when the mayor had me run for office and I won by a landslide , but the minute I arrested the first council member and wouldn 't take a bribe , they started to wonder . Told them the same thing I told the mayor when he hired me - I was going to run things my way , and if they found someone that could run against me and get elected that would be the only way they 'd get me out of that seat . They haven 't had any luck yet . " " You cleaned up the area . No one would run against you . You 're too good at your job , so it is what it is . " She shrugged . " You are strict and you can be an ass from what I 've been told , but then again there are a lot of falsehoods that fly through Shifter Falls , aren 't there ? " she asked with a smile . " True enough . The trick is determining what 's truth and what 's lie in everything that goes around town . It 's amazing what one can discover the moment they find that tiny thread and give it a tug . After all , there 's not a soul in this town that is exactly who they appear to be on the surface once you dig down a little further . " Ophelia Lambros thought her life was in order , until she lost her fiance and job all in one day . She couldn 't return the honeymoon trip she 'd been given so she takes the opportunity to find herself on the slopes of Wyoming on the back of a snowmobile . Jagger Morris was perfectly happy running his repair shop in Shifter Falls , his home for years . As the Kodiak Bear Alpha , he has a lot on his plate . When a new pack asks to join them , Jagger 's hackles rise , but he doesn 't know why . When he meets his fated mate , Ophelia , she shares a piece of herself that confirms his suspicious nature was spot on . As a seer , she can see death coming their way . Can she make her new mate and his friends understand the risk before time runs out ? An ancient evil has come back to Shifter Falls … Living in a town called Shifter Falls isn 't always easy . Alaska Ceridwen has lusted after Harley Ogden for years , even though she learned the hard way that you can 't trust bears . But when Alaska becomes the target of a dangerous stalker , Harley may be the only one who can save her . Harley thought that rescuing a terrified , bound woman on the street would be the most excitement he 'd see all day . Then he found out she was his mate . Now he 's fighting to hold on to what 's his . He knows that keeping Alaska safe and teaching her to let go of her fears won 't be easy , but for Harley , nothing less than forever will do . Quinn Ash is as human as they come . She came to Shifter Falls to hide from the danger . Too bad trouble always has a way of finding her . Piran Raske works with wood . It makes his Jaguar happy , plus he makes a great living doing it . But he 's lonely and needs more to keep him and his cat satisfied . Quinn comes into Piran 's life with her shockingly dark secret , and he knows he must protect her . As much as he doesn 't want to , Piran asks his friends for help to keep his mate safe . But is it too late to save the love of his life ? Nestled in the shadowy thoroughfares of Salem , Bridget has created a new life for herself . Saved from the noose by the mysterious Mr . Black during the witch trials , she runs Broomstix , a thriving curse worker and hex shop . Dangerous cravings thrust her back in harm 's way as evil stalks the streets . Will the allure of the forbidden be her curse or her salvation ? Alistair is a wolf caught between desire and duty to his pack . His Alpha goes missing and evidence of arcane magic and murder come a little too close to home . A chance encounter at a Halloween party brings his beast to the forefront and one night of passion leaves him wanting much , much more . A war is brewing in Salem between the wolves and witch kind . When more deaths are found linked to rogue wolves , the two join forces . But wild magic reigns on Samhain and the moon may just have a mind of her own … Alistair spotted the gorgeous brunette across the room and , when she approached the refreshment table , he followed . For a millisecond he 'd taken her for the scrawny woman in the red dress , but on closer inspection he was pleased to note the differences . Same dress , but the way this woman wore it , he was tempted to peel it from her , inch by scrumptious inch . His pack mate had poured a few bottles of something into the punch and , while it was entertaining to watch some of the guests succumb to the antics of the season , he didn 't quite feel the same about the sexy female in front of him . This woman would be far more interesting sober , he had a hunch and his predictions usually turned out to be spot on . The markings on her arms intrigued him and he wondered if they covered more of her body . Like tendrils of smoke curling around her flesh , they spiraled around her skin in an unending pattern , giving him the urge to trace every single one and see where it led . He should be home at Briarwood , but his duties as Beta brought him here to make sure Jessup didn 't get too out of hand . So far the pup had been a bit mischievous , but nothing that would make him worry . Whatever concerns he had melted when he gazed at the beauty in front of him , his animal taking control . His wolf perked up when she 'd come into view and his instinct to bed her followed in quick succession . He shook it off with a frown . One night stands were not his style , especially with women he didn 't know . He had other concerns and , as soon as he made sure Jessup wasn 't going to fuck up and intoxicate half of the wealthier citizens of Salem , he was out of here . Duncan was still missing and he 'd left Laurel in charge in his stead . But , her eyes . Fuck . They fairly glowed with a power that socked him in the gut as they watched him from behind the mask . When she wet her lips and took her bottom lip between her teeth , he almost lost the battle with himself not to let his beast take over and drag her into the nearest coat closet . " Just a couple of friends . What do you think ? Want to end up in a compromising situation with a stranger ? " He grinned and , seeing Jessup approach , steered her away from the refreshment table . Alistair wanted her to himself , at least for a little while . " Hmm . " He swung her into his arms and into the crowd , relishing the sensation of his hand on her lower back . The plunging view offered by her bodice made his body stand at attention and the wolf beneath his skin whined with want . " So , which deadly sin could you possibly have that would sink a guy faster than lust ? That dress … " " Maybe I will . " He wanted her , and the closer they got , the more obvious it was going to become . He weaved her around the dance floor , her movements matching his . Her perfume and the spicy scent of her hair were making it hard to concentrate . At the look in her eyes , he dragged her back hard against him , his animal wild in his blood . " Let 's get some air . " Alistair led her out onto the balcony , the twinkle lights flickered making the grounds outside the hotel look enchanted . He had to clear his head . He gathered her into his arms , letting her feel the full force of his arousal . " I don 't know . I 'm not feeling much like a girl right now . " " Time me . " Alistair 's mouth covered hers hungrily and he forced her mouth open with his thrusting tongue . She gasped , trembling within his embrace and he pulled her deeper into the shadows , away from prying eyes . Erzabet Bishop is an award - winning and international bestselling author who loves to write naughty stories . She is the author of Lipstick , Crave , Snow ( Three Times More Lucky Box Set ) , Malediction , Map of Bones , Sanguine Shadows , Arcane ( Prowlers and Growlers set ) , The Science of Lust , Wicked for You , Heart 's Protector , Burning for You , Taming the Beast , Mistletoe Kisses , Surrender , Torment ( upcoming ) , Hedging Her Bets , Cat 's Got Her Tongue ( Alpha Heat Box Set ) , Arcane Imaginarium : Spirit Board , Holidays in Hell , Mallory 's Mark ( upcoming ) , The Devil 's Due ( upcoming ) , Charity Benshaw 's Enchanted Paddle Emporium ( upcoming ) , Club Beam , Pomegranate , A Red Dress for Christmas , The Black Magic Café , Sweet Seductions , The Erotic Pagans Series : Beltane Fires , Samhain Shadows and Yuletide Temptation along with being a contributor to many anthologies . She lives in Texas with her husband , furry children and can often be found lurking in local bookstores . She loves to bake , make naughty crochet projects and watch monster movies . This didn 't actually start off as part of the series , but the more I wrote , I realized that this story was set in the Projects world . I had a choice , change the rules , or go with it . As per usual my characters gave me no choice but to go with it . They are after all firmly in charge , and if I have learnt one thing , especially when writing shifters , it 's that resistance is futile . Especially , when that shifter happens to be a bear . There is something about bear shifters , that just makes them even more dominant , and Luke Masterton is no exception . There 's nothing quite like being dumped by another good - for - nothing boyfriend to focus a girl 's mind . Fun has been missing from Louisa 's life for far too long , and a bit of wax play at the spa - with - a - difference is just what she needs to take her mind off her birthday . What can possibly go wrong ? It 's not as though the man she 's been secretly lusting after for years would turn up and see her in all of her wobbly bits glory , or give her one mind blowing orgasm after the other , is it ? That would mean she is getting the bear treatment . You know the one - ends up being mated to one droolworthy , dominant , bear shifter - and ticks off the council no end . One thing 's for certain . After this birthday nothing will be the same again . Be Warned : BDSM , spanking , wax play , anal play They were on top of a crowded restaurant , for God 's sake . If she turned her head she could see the people dining below . All it would take was for one of them to look up and they would see her sprawled along the table with Luke once again lapping at her cream as she gushed her juices into his waiting mouth . The thought that one of the diners would look up , made her orgasm burn hotter , and with her body still shaking in delicious aftershocks she almost didn 't notice the slight pressure against her little puckered hole until Luke slipped a slick finger wet with her own arousal knuckle deep into her ass . " That 's my girl . " His voice had dropped an octave , dripping in lust , and her body went limp under his possession . " This ass and this pussy are mine to do with as I please are they not , my sweet Lou ? " " That 's it , my sweet . Ride those fingers . I can 't wait to see your little hole stretched with a butt plug to prepare you for my cock , and you will let me take you back here , won 't you ? " The veins on his neck stood out , his smile showed his fangs , and with the eyes of his bear looking down on her he never looked more the wild animal he had inside than right now . The thought should have terrified Louisa , but instead it had the opposite effect on her . She was his prey , his for the taking , and the thought turned her on even more . Luke bent closer , not once slowing his fingers as they fucked her into another orgasm , and then he kissed her . His tongue mimicked the action of his digits , and she kissed him back until her lungs screamed at her they needed air , as her body shook in the grip of the tremors wracking through her . She winced when he withdrew his fingers from the tight clasp of her ass , and then gasped when he shrugged out of his shirt . The man 's torso was magnificent and sprinkled with liberal amounts of hair that she wanted to run her fingers through . His pectorals flexed as he threw the shirt across the room , and she let her gaze admire the play of muscles . The way his hair thickened to a dark trail that acted like a beacon to his magnificent cock . Despite her earlier attention to that particular body part , he was once again erect . Veins ran along the length of the impressive organ , and the thick mushroom head glistened in the muted lighting of the room . Louisa licked her lips , suddenly desperate for another taste of his salty musk , and Luke laughed . Low and menacing , the sound was more animal than human , and set her arousal to fever pitch . " Not this time , my sweet . This time I want to bury my cock into your tight cunt . I want to see your lips stretched around my girth , as you struggle to take all of me , but you will , won 't you , pet ? You 'll milk my cock like the good little subbie you are , and you 'll gush your cream all over my dick again and again , won 't you ? " " Yes , Sir . " How she managed to force the words past her kiss swollen lips she would never know . Her gaze was riveted to his cock , where Luke was fisting himself slowly . He squeezed the tip of his dick until his pre - cum slid on his fingers and with a wicked grin held those digits up to her mouth . There is always something better to do after all , like working on the latest manuscript and trying not to scare the locals even more than usual by talking out loud to the voices in her head . Her characters tend to be pretty insistent to get their stories told , and you will find Doris burning the midnight oil on a regular basis . Only time to get any peace and quiet and besides , sleep is for wimps . |
I have edited this post . Thanks for your help in identifying the designer of this pattern . The edited parts are in red . Today is day 31 of Blogtoberfest . I made it ! Not only that , but I am joining the Bloggers Quilt Festival that Amy is hosting . I have a finished quilt to show you ! Yes ! Finished ! ! ! This is the one I have been working on for the past week . I finally got it quilted and last night I put the binding on . I started this quilt many years ago . Unfortunately I can 't remember where the pattern came from . If you recognize it , please let me know so I can give credit , where credit is due . Edit : The pattern is called , ' Flowers ' , by Linda Brannock . It was published by the Star Quilt Company when Brannock was the owner . She has since retired and this pattern is no longer published . Having learned that I am even happier now that I finished this quilt . Thanks to all who left me a comment on this . When I was working on this quilt , my son used to tell me that these flowers reminded him of aliens from outer space . I am calling it Alien Flowers just for him . It 's a fitting name since today is Hallowe ' en . And here is some pretty Hallowe ' en colour . I worked in the garden yesterday and picked these flowers . They are the last ones for this year . My obligations for Octoberfest have come to an end . Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did . BOO ! Today is day 30 of Blogtoberfest . Only one more day to go . Did you know that Amy from Amy 's Creative Side is having a blogger 's quilt show this week ? Well she is ! And I wanted to show my primitive flowers quilt , but unfortunately it is still not done . Oh , I 've been working on it , but things just aren 't going right for me . I broke my thread many times , changed threads , put a new needle in , re - threaded my machine - but still it kept giving me problems . Then Mimi got into the mess . Walking all over my quilt . Trying to get my attention by scratching my fabric bin . I have put her down for her nap now , but she is not asleep yet . Just pretending to sleep . And then , as a final assault on myself , I ran over my thumb with my machine when I was just about finished all of the quilting . Ouch ! That hurt . I am putting the quilt down for awhile . I hope to get the binding on later and sew it down tonight . For now I think I will go and do some shopping . Still haven 't bought any Halloween treats yet . I think I will buy something especially for me . I really need something to make my thumb feel better - something chocolate ! I finished the rest of the blocks which I showed you yesterday . Once I got them going they were not too difficult . I frogged the two blocks I did wrong yesterday and fixed them , so I only had to make three more . If you want to see more of our Row Robin , just click on the robin on my sidebar . I joined a Row Robin a few months back . My row is supposed to be done and shipped to the next person by the end of this month . I am not going to make it . Procrastination ! I should have started it earlier , but never really had the desire until this morning . This row is supposed to be a row of stars - in bright colours . I had this star block done last year with the Friday Block Party . It 's called ' Hope of Hartford ' . I really like it . And no one had done one of these yet . It seemed like the perfect block . The only problem was , it 's a 10in . block and the block for this row should be 9 inches So I got out my graph paper and designed a 9in . block . Sounds easy , doesn 't it ? But I guess I measured wrong because the first block I made came out 1 / 4in . too small . That 's the yellow one on the left . Back to the drawing board ! I made another block , but it was the same . I don 't know how I got it wrong twice , but I did . Not even going to show you a photo of that one . I went back to the drawing board and tried again . And I finally got it right ! It 's the pink one on the right . I have been busy with my hexagon quilt this past week . I love these little hexies . They are so much fun to do anytime I have a spare moment . I have now come to a rather large area that needs to fit perfectly or the hexagon shape will be distorted . So I am auditioning hexies at the moment . This is what it looks like so far . I am not sure about those two yellow hexagons . They look like eyes to me . Maybe I will make them in a different colour ( darker ) so they won 't come to the foreground so much . I have also sewn all of the flowers that I have prepped so far for the flower quilt . I have several more flowers cut out . I just have to baste them . And I need to make more green hexies . I am hoping that will happen this week . Posted by I tried to get back onto Blogger last night , but my internet provider was giving me problems . I could not log on and I could not leave any comments . So I went to bed . I 've been busy the past few days . I want to thank Vicki of Felines and Fibre Arts for finding a link to the Japanese Manhole covers and leaving it in a comment on yesterday 's post . I am not going to leave a link on this post because I can 't seem to get it right and it just won 't work . It must be me . They are actually very easy to find . I am going to show you a couple of photos from of the book . I 'm sure this isn 't allowed but if I say it is from the book called , ' Quilting with Manhole Covers ' by Shirley MacGregor maybe I can get away with it . The photo on the left is the quilt and the one on the right is the manhole cover that inspired it . Here is another one . Quilt on the left , manhole cover on the right . The quilts are about 16in . to 40in . in diameter . I want to start making one of these , but I have way too many UFOs to even give it any consideration . Maybe when the cold winter months make doing anything outside impossible . Something to look forward to . I went to my quilt group this morning . The person who made that real - looking doll a couple of weeks ago brought in a monkey to show me . She makes these too . She buys the parts and paints them . Then makes a body and inserts the hair a strand at a time with a felting needle . Wow - patience ! Isn 't this guy ( girl ) cute ? Today is day 25 of Blogtoberfest . The manhole covers book is fascinating . The manhole covers we have in Toronto are kind of ugly and boring . They have not been given much thought when it comes to creativity . But the ones in Japan are beautiful . They depict history or something interesting about the region , like boats , fish , flowers etc . The book shows some of them along with round quilts that quilters have appliqued in beautiful fabrics . I still have a lot to read and I don 't know if I am going to be clever enough to turn one of those gray pictures into a colourful quilt . But we 'll see . You can google ' manhole covers in Japan ' and that will give you some idea of how intricate they are . I would find that link for you , but I am in a hurry at the moment . I have to be at our guild meeting in an hour . And I am still cooking dinner and getting ready . If I have time when I get home tonight I will try to be a little more helpful . Day 24 of BlogtoberfestMy husband and I went down to the Creative Festival today . Had a great time and met lots of fellow quilters . I bought a few metres of fabric to replenish my stash . The reds on the left were from Len 's Mills . Gosh I love that place . It was a bit difficult to maneuver around in their section , but I did find a few nice reds . The fabrics on the right were 2 . 99 per metre . Not bad for backings or baby quilts . And the fat quarters in the centre were 4 for $ 10 , more reds and a couple of light coloured batiks . I also got a few extra things that caught my interest . A new cutting mat and a ruler with 30 , 60 and 90 degree markings , some seed beads , and a ball of Rozetti Cocoon Multi . I saw something like this on Cybele 's Patch . I think my daughter will like this once I have it made up into a scarf . The book looked interesting - Quilting Manhole Covers . I didn 't buy it when I first spotted it . It 's a book full of quilt patterns based on the manhole covers in Japan . As we were leaving I decided that I just couldn 't leave it behind , so I sent my husband back to get it for me . We took the GO train to Union Station . It is almost completely wheelchair accessible now . It was a fast and economical way to get downtown . Now that I am home I can feel my exhaustion . I need some sustenance and then a nap . And I also want to take a closer look at that book . Talk to you all tomorrow . Posted by I have lots of errands to run today - shopping and banking etc . Then there is the laundry which I didn 't get around to yesterday . I doubt that I will get much quilting done , although I did quilt one more block on my primitive flowers quilt this morning . So I will leave you with a few fall photos . Today the weather is not so nice , but a couple of days ago we were at the peak of fall colour here . These first two shots are of the trees along side of the main road . There is a ravine below . I love riding past these beauties . They are mostly maples . The next two photos were taken in the park . We have had an exceptionally colourful fall . I guess it has to do with this year 's hot summer . And also the amount of rain ; it was never too dry . There was colour in every direction . I could have taken hundreds of shots ! This last photo was of the Sumac at the end of the path , up by the main road . They were absolutely spectacular ! I don 't think I have ever seen them as red as this ! I had to choose another UFO to finish and I picked # 11 , one of my first hand - appliqued quilts . I took a BOM class with Lucy Anne at the Quilter 's Garden when it was still in business . It was very early in my quilting career - perhaps 8 or 10 years ago . I can tell by the lack of fabrics in the quilt . I didn 't have a large stash yet at that time . Sorry , I can 't remember what it is called or who designed it . I finished the top , and started quilting it when I first began to suffer from my neuro symptoms . It is quite large and I couldn 't work on it then , so I put it away . Now I hope to finish it . But don 't hold your breath ! It 's still a difficult task . I am going to quilt individual blocks - like maybe one per day until it is finished . I 'll show it to you when I am done . Today is day 21 of Blogtoberfest . I know I am a day late , but here are my flowers for this week . Five of them ! Yes ! I am still making them . Haven 't run out of red fabric yet . On Sunday I plan to go down to the Creative Festival . I hope to find a few more reds and a lot of other stuff . Must make a list ! Posted by Oh , boy ! I 'm on a roll ! I finished the second charity quilt for Quilts from the Heart . This one was fun to do . I was given a kit containing 30 ten - inch blocks , some backing fabric and binding fabric . But when I went to put the 10 - inch blocks together I discovered that there were only 28 of them and three were a very inferior polyester . So I took those out and added some fabric of my own . Then I decided to do this log cabin type , square within a square . because I didn 't think the blocks looked child - like enough . Now each block has a fussy cut kids fabric in the centre . I like it a whole lot more now . I finished the table mat ! I love it ! Don 't you ? I may make a few more to give away as hostess gifts around the Christmas season . There is no batting in this mat . And no binding . I just sewed the top to the backing , right sides together , and turned it through the hole that was in the centre . ( I hadn 't put the circle in the centre yet . ) Then I pressed it and did a bit of quilting 1 / 4 inch from the edges of the blades . After I had attached the centre with a blanket stitch , I did a bit of free - motion quilting on it . Here we are at the Quilting Bee , happily working away . It was a terrific evening ! I wasn 't the only one who made a mat . Here are the other quilters from our guild who turned out last night . Like I said , it was a blast ! Tonight is Bee Night at our Guild . We are going to make Dresden Plate Table Mats . Our homework was to cut out the pieces before the class . We will get further instructions on how to put it together tonight . Felix is helping me today . He is a huge , clumsy cat , but he is very respectful of my fabrics and would never hurt them . Not like Mimi who sometimes gets a bit wild when she sees quilt pieces on the floor . I used three different fabrics . The fourth fabric that you can see in the bottom right corner is going to be for the centre . But I don 't want to cut it out until I see how big my inner circle is after I sew the blades together . Hopefully I will have a finished table mat , or at least an almost finished table mat , to show you tomorrow . I thought I would show you something other than my quilting projects today . Nynke from the Dutch Purple Rabbit , showed some of her crochet and asked what others are working on at the moment . So here is what I 've been up to . Crocheted hexagons ! The quilted kind just aren 't enough for me ! I have been doing these while sitting outside in my garden over the past couple of months . I find the quilt patches blow away too quickly , but the yarn stays put and I can work on it without any problems . I have lots of left over yarns and I am joining them as I go with a huge 454gm ball of Red Heart off white yarn . Mimi loves these things ! Don 't you girl ? I am trying to sew the ends in as I go . It makes for more work right now , but I will be happy when I finish it and not have to sew in thousands of ends . And Mimi will maybe leave them alone . I am also trying to make every hexie different . That is the hardest part . While out in the park the other day I found some poison ivy growing right beside the path . This is not a very artistic shot , but it shows the beautiful colours this noxious weed has in the fall . I am always reminded of the ' leaves of three ' rule . Stay away from this one . It can cause a very itchy rash with blisters and red spots to the affected area . If you do come into contact with it , rinse it right away with COLD water . Don 't use hot because the oil from the poison ivy will get deeper into the skin . It can be bad enough to see a doctor . There are some topical creams that can be applied to help the itching , but the best idea is to just stay away from it altogether . Remember . . . . . . . . . . . . Not much sewing has gone on yesterday or today . It is just too beautiful outside ! The sky is blue . The air is crisp . The trees are at their autumn finest . I am going to the quilt shop this afternoon . I need want to buy some fabric . I don 't know exactly what I want , but I will know it when I see it . I have been prepping some little hexies . These are all ready for sewing tonight while I watch W5 . I need a few more , but that will have to wait until after I get back home . Hope the weather is as good as ours where you are . Have a great weekend ! Day 14 of Blogtoberfest ! I was going to pull another number out of my UFO bag , but then decided to just finish another ' Quilts from the Heart ' quilt instead . I made the top for this one last June and now I am going to sandwich and quilt it so that I can take it to the guild meeting at the end of October . This is a bright one ! Today is day 13 of Blogtoberfest . I have been hooked on hexies all week . Although I only made one or two flowers , I have been working on this piece whenever I had a spare moment . Now that it is getting dark around 7 : 00pm , there is not much I can do outside , so I just sit and watch television and sew these little hexagons together . Right now I am working on the triangles that you can see at the top of the photo . I have to make 5 more of them . The cats were nowhere in sight while I photographed this . ( although that is Felix 's fur you see bulging out from under the ottoman on the left ) I am not taking it as an insult . I think they are just too tired to care about anything but napping . Aren 't you Mimi ? What day is this ? Oh , yeah . It 's day 12 of Blogtoberfest . Sorry if I seem a bit spacey . I just got home after having to walk beside my scooter for several kilometers . This morning I went to the Tuesday morning quilt group as usual . The weather was beautiful . Although several people offered to pick me up , I decided to ride my scooter over there . At noon when the group was over and everyone went their separate ways . I unwisely decided to try to get some photos of the colour in our ravine . I had seen it from the top of the bridge and I wanted to get closer to the trees . I went down the path that leads down to the creek . It was sort of mesmerizing - the colours , the sunshine , the birds chirping from the tree tops , the squirrels gathering acorns , the sound of the water as it went over little falls and rocks and boulders . When I got to the end of the path I decided to turn back . But after a couple of minutes my scooter decided it didn 't want to go any farther . This was where I was . . . . . . On a little bridge that spans the creek . Such a beautiful spot . Why did my scooter decide to quit on me there ? I got it turned around and went back to the end of the path , I then drove along the sidewalk of a very busy road . It was uphill and my scooter did not want to go up hill . A very nice man stopped and offered to give me a push . At least that kept the scooter from stalling every 30 seconds . When I got to level ground , I thanked the guy profusely and continued on , travelling at about half a kilometer per hour . When it stalled I would get off and walk beside it for awhile . I had to keep it running or I would not have been able to push it . The darn thing kept wanting to run me over . I continued another two kilometers that way until I got home . I managed to get the scooter inside the house and when I turned off the key it looked as if it was totally charged . I will have to phone the company because it should not be stalling like this . There is a little light that flashes 6 times when it stalls . I know that I read something about that in Posted by Today was Thanksgiving Day here in Canada . Some people emailed me and asked about our Thanksgiving Day customs . We celebrate it on the second Monday of October . Stores and businesses are closed on this day . It is a time to get together with family and friends and give thanks . Here are some facts that you probably didn 't know . The first Thanksgiving was celebrated in Canada in 1578 . That 's about 43 years earlier than the first Thanksgiving in the USA . An early explorer by the name of Martin Frobisher tried to find a route to the Orient by going north to the Arctic Ocean . He never did find it and returned to what is now Newfoundland . Frobisher Bay is named after him . Because he was so relieved that he and his crew had survived their journey , he decided to celebrate . Hence the first Thanksgiving . The indigenous peoples in our area had already been giving thanks to the gods for the food they were able to hunt , fish and grow . So they joined in with Frobisher in a huge celebration in 1578 . The food that they ate at the first Thanksgiving was different from what we eat today . They had pumpkins , sweet potatoes and anything that they could hunt and fish . Corn was probably not eaten on the cob , but ground into cornmeal to make bread . Regular potatoes had not reached the New World yet . They were still being experimented on by botanists in Europe . The potato is a member of the nightshade family and was probably viewed with caution . The odd wild turkey may have been eaten , but it was not officially a Thanksgiving food . Today turkeys are the most common meat at a Thanksgiving dinner . We also eat ham and as I told you yesterday , a roast is okay too . Anything goes , really . For dessert the early settlers probably did not eat pies , but they did eat cooked pumpkin . The customs and traditions of the early Thanksgiving celebrations in the States got combined with Canadian celebrations when the United Empire Loyalists came to Canada . Now our Thanksgiving is not very different from the way Thanksgiving is celebrated in the States . Their celebration takes place on the third Thursday in November . There is one thing though , that I have never eaten here and that is sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top . I hear that is a traditional food for Americans . I threatened to make it this year , but I didn 't know where to start . So if anyone can help me , let me know . We took a leisurely drive just north of Toronto this afternoon . The photos on this post are from that drive . The sky was blue and the trees were beautiful shades of reds , yellows and oranges . This little tree was growing at the side of the road . It 's an oak . I was amazed at the bright orange colours on this one . Usually oaks turn yellow and brown . But all the oaks I saw today were this wonderful colour . Happy Thanksgiving everyone ! Day 10 of Blogtoberfest . We decided to celebrate Thanksgiving a day early . My DD volunteered to have the feast at her house . My aunt and cousin came too . While we waited for the meal to cook , we had some delicious appetizers to munch on . Edam cheese and Brie , pumpernickel and rusk breads , fresh fruit ( grapes and strawberries ) and dried mango , cherries and cashews . There was even some delicious plum jelly for the Brie , homemade by DD with the plums from my sister 's tree . Dinner was non - traditional . No turkey for us this year , but DD had placed some traditional Thanksgiving fruit and vegetables in the centre of the table . It looked beautiful . I always love the colours of Indian corn ! We started our meal with a spinach salad , tossed with chunks of fresh pears and candied pecans and served with homemade dressing . For our main course DD had made a delicious beef tenderloin with a mustard and black pepper crust . She served this with a red wine sauce , mashed potatoes , green beans and spinach stuffed pasta shells in tomato sauce for the vegetarians in our family . The tomato sauce was homemade with the tomatoes from my garden . There was apple pie and ice cream for dessert , served with coffee of course . We drank wine and ate until we could eat and drink no more . Sorry I didn 't take any more photos . I guess I got sort of lazy after eating all that food . I 'll be back tomorrow . Right now I am going to bed . It 's day 9 of Blogtoberfest . I want to show you the charity quilt . It 's done ! I just finished sewing the binding down . Hubby was kind enough to hold it up for me . It feels good to have something done - something I can scratch off my list . I think I will do some hexies tonight as I watch W5 on television . Then tomorrow I will pick another UFO and work on that . Thanks for stopping by . I hope you will leave me a comment . I love comments ! I was able to complete the block for this week 's Block Party . It is a 12 - inch block called , ' Wagon Tracks ' . It looks like ' Jacobs Ladder ' . This block comes with many names . It 's a beautiful day here in the neighbourhood . I think I will take a ride on my scooter and go to the store to buy few things I still need for our Thanksgiving dinner . Posted by I had a hard time getting up this morning . Even after my second cup of coffee I still didn 't feel like doing much of anything . The sun was shining and it is supposed to go to 21C this afternoon , but I still felt kind of crabby . I made a couple of hexies , but even they did not hold my interest . This one is a disappearing nine patch that I started last June . It was supposed to be done by the end of September , but that didn 't happen . So I am going to finish it now , for the meeting at the end of October . The top is all done and I just have to sandwich it and quilt it . That shouldn 't take me too long . I hope ! Today is day 6 of Blogtoberfest . I managed to do five flowers for my little red quilt thanks to the quiting get - together I went to yesterday . I have already sewn a couple of these onto the quilt and it looks spectacular ! I couldn 't get a good photo of the quilt today because we are having another dark , gloomy day . But I did manage to take a photo of these yesterday , using a flash . It doesn 't show the true colours . but you get the idea . I also worked on this wannabe quilt . I really like it . But I now realize that it is going to be a huge project . I made the green / purple units this week , I ran out of the purple fabric . So I decided to sew them together alternately with a different green / purple unit in between . Can you see where this is going ? Do you think it will work ? My DD dropped in unexpectedly at noon today . She had an appointment with a skin specialist this morning , to see if the freckles on her back are anything to worry about . They are not ! Hurray ! We ate lunch together , ( grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup ) and now she is taking a nap on my couch . She has to be back at school by 3 : 30pm because they have a staff meeting scheduled at that time . Too bad that she has to go back . She took the whole day off and her BFF is teaching her class today . The staff meeting is important because she is the one who is responsible for the computer program and info for the report cards . The school board has changed the format again this year . Only about the fourth time in the past ten years . Don 't they have anything better to do ? I became a quilter purely by accident . I had wanted to sign up for a woodworking class , but it was full . So the only other class I could sign up for was a quilting course . I was not happy at first , but I fell in love with this craft ! It is passion , history , creativity ! I love it and I want to share it with the world . |
After Jordan parties his way through his Freshman year of college , he 's not exactly thrilled to go home . Jordan 's small town is an annoying place to spend summer vacation . His father and stepmother don 't understand what makes Jordan tick , and vice versa . Jordan 's mother works long hours , leaving him with plenty of time to implement a plan to bring up his grade point average . Jordan got the idea for the protest from Dr . Brandt . Not literally , of course . Even though his aversion to Memorial Day was obvious , Dr . Brandt would never actually suggest that any student protest a parade . Jordan knew he would approve , though . Behind his back , Brandt 's students referred to him as Crazy Creedence . This was due to his penchant for playing Fortunate Son on his iPod at the start of each class . The song was his anthem . Brandt never bothered to hide his distaste for anything related to the Military . If Jordan managed to pull off the protest , Crazy Creedence would probably cut him some slack next fall . Jordan 's GPA wasn 't what he 'd hoped for . He was a psych major at East Thorncrest University of Pennsylvania . Crazy Creedence taught the pottery class he 'd chosen as an elective last semester , in hopes of an easy A . It didn 't work out . Though Jordan learned quite a bit about American history in class , he didn 't learn much about pottery . His final grade was a D . His GPA needed to be higher by next Christmas . If he continued to do poorly in school , his mother wouldn 't shell out the bucks for next year 's spring break . She 'd threatened to cut off funding for Jordan 's trip to Key West if Jordan didn 't buckle down . Hence the plan . Jordan 's mother , Macy , with whom he resided during his breaks from school , lived on the outskirts of Chandlerville , a forty minute drive from East Thorncrest . Creedence and his wife also lived in the Chandlerville area . Creedence 's wife , Cordelia , was the founder of Chandlervillians for Democracy , a local political group . The group always seemed to be in the weekly papers for one reason or another . They made themselves heard in many different ways . Chandlervillians for Democracy had clout . If Jordan 's plan was successful , and the group learned that he was the brains behind it , they would probably wish to reward him in some way , as long as the reward could be kept under the radar . Crazy Creedence would be teaching Art Appreciation next fall . Jordan had enrolled in his class . If everything worked out , Jordan was sure his GPA would meet his mother 's expectations . He stared at the ceiling of his room , where he had retreated for a nap after breakfast . His mother had gone to work . He thought about what he would need . " Red , you know that little punk doesn 't have enough balls to go through with this , " said Rocco . " Let 's just let him think about it . Nothing 's gonna happen . " Jordan decided to drive to Dover for supplies . It was only an hour from home . He decided to stop at his father 's place on the way . Jordan 's parents had divorced when Jordan was three . His father , Joe , had remarried two years later . He and his wife had two sons , who were Jordan 's half - brothers . Their names were Joey and Matty . Joey was ten years old , and Matty was eight . As he pulled into his father 's driveway , Joey and Matty came running around the corner of the garage carrying bright orange squirt guns . They jumped over the flowerbed and onto the pavement before squirting each other in the face . The boys caught sight of Jordan 's Nissan and waved . Jordan smothered a smirk as he got out of the car . The last thing he wanted to do was spend time with his father 's other kids . Dad 's not bringing them up right . Nobody should let their kids play with squirt guns . What the hell is Dad thinking ? Jordan also had an aversion to his father 's wife , Jeanette . On the infrequent occasions that Jordan was in her company , Jeanette made it a point to ask him to eat with the family , or join them for Church or other activities in which Jordan had no interest . Jeanette tried too hard . She 's a freak . Look at this place . A bright new American flag flew from the corner of the garage . The sidewalk leading to the front door was edged with a bed of red and white geraniums . Blue pansies were sprinkled at intervals , and the front door was embellished with a wreath made of red , white and blue ribbons . Jordan shook his head and rolled his eyes before saying hello to his brothers . " Thanks , guys , but I can only stay a minute . Is Dad inside ? " Three hours later , Jordan was back at his mother 's house . The supplies he had purchased with the money his father had given him were safe in the garage . There were poster - boards , black skull and cross - bone stickers , magic markers and wire frames with which to make the small signs . There was a large white plastic banner , which he planned to drape above the entrance to Chandlerville Acres . He had also purchased ten cans of black spray paint . All of the items were hidden in a large plastic storage bin in the corner . Jordan 's mother never poked around the garage . Even if she did , it wouldn 't matter . None of his purchases were illegal , and he had plenty of time to finish the " decorations . " Paulie flicked his Zippo , which was engraved with the following : When I die , bury me face down , so the whole world can kiss my ass . He took a drag on his Lucky Strike . " Yeah , " he agreed . " A parade before sunrise . That 's really special . The cemetery 'll be peaceful at dawn , when the parade arrives . " Red stared at his hand . The jack seemed to smirk at him . " That kid 's gonna think this is an advantage . You know that , right ? " " I 'll tell you what , " said Rocco . " You win this hand , Red , and I 'll help you teach the little punk a lesson . " He looked around the table . " You guys in ? " " Two pair , Nicky , " Rocco said . " I got you beat . Look . Full house . Red , you know you can 't beat that . Paulie , what you got ? " " Four of a kind , " Paulie answered , laughing . " Okay , game over . It 's just as well . The boss is tired of having to get involved in these disputes . He has more important stuff to do . " " Not so fast . " Red laid his cards on the table . " Royal flush , " he said . The four of them stared . The ace of spades seemed to scream up at them . They sat with their cigarettes for a long moment . William and Cordelia Brandt sat in the gazebo behind their restored eighteenth century farmhouse on the outskirts of Chandlerville . They sipped Chardonnay and watched the sun disappear behind the trees at the top of the hill . Sandy , their golden retriever , lay on the bricks leading to the back door . Their home sat alone in a little valley eight miles from the center of town . The driveway was long and overgrown , and the house was completely hidden from the road . Theirs was the best of both worlds . Bill 's teaching job allowed him to really make a difference . The young people in his art classes , many of whom had been brought up in backward circumstances , were usually completely changed by the time they left school . Bill was proud of his record . Cordelia was proud of herself , too . She had battled breast cancer in 2003 , and won . After the battle with cancer , Cordelia decided that she needed to make her mark on the world . She founded Chandlervillians for Democracy in 2006 , in response to the wars in the Middle East . Since its inception , Chandlervillains for Democracy had grown from its original seventy - two members to over five hundred . " What do you think of the plans for this year 's parade ? " Cordelia asked . " They 've changed the time . Did you hear about it ? " " Yes , " Bill replied . " I 'd rather not discuss it , though . We won 't see or hear it ; we 're too far away from town . That 's a good thing . " " I thought about filing a complaint , citing the early hour , " Cordelia said . " A parade at five o ' clock in the morning ? Very inconsiderate . Most people are still asleep , especially on a Holiday weekend . " " I suppose you 're right , " Bill said . " What difference , at this point , does it make ? Let them have their little rituals . Such things will die a natural death soon enough . " The Vietnam Veterans sat smoking and waiting for their boss . They were nervous . The boss had been busy lately with other matters , and he didn 't take it kindly when he was dragged into what he considered trivialities . Still , he had agreed to hear them out after Red contacted him . " We need your permission to make contact with someone we once knew , " Red said . " This person is contributing to the loss of many who might become followers of your commander and our King . We know we 're not permitted to take any action without approval . " My commander cannot be bothered at this time . He is much too busy . I took the liberty of requesting an audience with him earlier , and he is already aware of your dilemma . The King made it known to him . Our commander does not have time to attend to it , and gave me leave to make the decision as to whether you will be permitted to take action , since I am aware of your history . Of whom do you speak , and what is the nature of his offense ? " " Do what you will in this matter . As one of your brothers once said : " These are the times that try men 's souls . " Such times call for extraordinary measures . Do what you will . There are two stipulations , however . First , you must appear to him as you were on the day you came here , and second , Nicholas must speak to the offender . " " Do you dare to argue ? " the boss thundered . " This is the order . You must obey . If you do not carry out this particular order I will know in an instant . Then I will have no choice but to tell my commander . You do not wish to anger Michael , do you ? He is the fiercest of all warriors . His orders come from the top . Do not disobey . " " Boys , we have no choice . " Red sounded determined . " We 'll help you , Nicky . You know why it has to be this way , right ? I know none of you want to go back . I don 't , either . But we have to . You can do it , Nicky . " " Nicky , you have to do it , " Paulie said . " No reason why you can 't . We all left something in Nam . He touched his midsection . " And look at Rocco . You know what he left at Khe Sanh . " " Okay , " Red said . He took off his cap . " I don 't know why you guys didn 't find a different nickname for me . I lost every bit of my hair that day . " They each lit another Lucky Strike . They sat in the room they loved . They rarely left the room , which had no walls or boundaries . It was a beautiful room , which had been prepared especially for them . They continued the poker game that had begun on January 21 , 1968 , and never ended . The signs would make a statement . They all read : " WAR IS NEVER THE ANSWER . THESE DEATHS WERE IN VAIN . " The plastic banner read : " BECAUSE YOU CONTINUE TO SHOW REVERENCE FOR A DAMN FLAG , THE BLOOD OF YOUR FATHERS , MOTHERS , BROTHERS , SISTERS , SONS AND DAUGHTERS IS ON YOUR HANDS . " The signs , banners and cans of spray paint were already in the trunk of the Nissan . Jordan placed a small stepladder and a few tools on top of them before covering everything with a tarp . Then he went into the house . Before going to sleep , he set the alarm on his phone for three o ' clock . He made sure the volume was turned down low , and then placed the phone under his pillow . Before he fell asleep , he decided which slogans to spray paint on the road outside the cemetery . Bill and Cordelia Brandt hadn 't shared a bed in years . The intimate part of their marriage was nonexistent . They had their own separate sex lives , and stayed married for strictly practical purposes . Bill 's bedroom was quiet . He was just beginning to doze when he heard the downstairs clock chime twelve . That 's when the voice came out of the dark . Dr . Brandt 's eyes popped open . The voice was a harsh , strangled whisper . It was barely recognizable as a voice ; it sounded more like some sort of wheezing . Then there was silence . Bill glanced at the window , where moonlight shone through tree branches . It fingered its way onto the floor and lay in patterns . I must be dreaming . It 's as quiet as ever around here . He turned over and closed his eyes . In the moonlight next to the window stood three young men dressed in ripped and filthy camouflage . On their heads were battered helmets . Their boots were covered in mud , and ( maybe ) blood . The largest of them held another man in his arms . Bloody stumps ended below his hips . Bill rubbed his eyes , thinking he was hallucinating . He reached up and pinched his own cheek until his eyes watered but the figures remained where they were . With the exception of the one who had spoken , they were silent . " Who … who are you ? " Bill whispered . " Get out of here . I 'm armed . He grabbed his gun from the nightstand . " Get out or I 'll shoot . " " You ? " Big Nick choked out . " You 're a bigger piece of shit now than you were in ' 67 . You own a gun ? You ? Mr . Everytown ? " " Maybe you don 't remember me , but you damn well know me , " Nick wheezed . " These are my friends . We were in Nam together . Do you remember them ? You should . We all went to Chandlerville High School . " Bill stared at the other men standing in the moonlight . Try as he might , he didn 't recognize them . The legless man stared back at Bill as the other two stepped toward the bed . Bill noticed that one man was missing his stomach and the other was missing his skull . Blood and guts and brain matter dripped . Bill shrieked . Then he pointed the gun and pulled the trigger . The bullet went through Paulie 's chest and slammed into the wall . Paulie laughed in response . " Too late to shoot now , " Nick wheezed . He inched toward the bed . Brandt could see his open throat working as he struggled to speak . Rocco rested in his friend 's arms . " And don 't bother yelling for your wife , " Nick screeched . " She 's getting it on with your neighbor . She snuck out of here an hour ago . Now shut the hell up and listen . " " Okay , " said Nick . " I 'll tell you how you know me . Do you remember going before the draft board in ' 67 ? Don 't answer . I know you do . Remember what you did ? You told them you were a homo . Your words , not mine . " " Yeah , " Nick croaked . " It 's me . Your cousin , Nicky . Damn you , Billy . You forgot me , didn 't you ? We hung around together for years . Until we were twelve , and you decided to go your own way . You missed out on a lot , Billy . " " Don 't try it , " Nick wheezed . " Shut up . Just listen . I was there that day , when you dodged the draft . I was behind you . I heard you telling one of your punk friends what you were going to say , you lying bastard . I didn 't speak , and you didn 't see me . After they said they wouldn 't take you , you walked out before I could catch you . Then it was my turn . You know damn well I didn 't pass the physical , don 't you ? You know my right leg is a half - inch shorter than my left . But I talked them into taking me . They knew we were cousins . I didn 't want our family name to be mud in town , so I told them I 'd go in your place . For some reason or other , they let me in . " " And here 's something you might be interested in , Billy , even though you 're a cheating bastard when it comes to your marriage , " Nick wheezed . " You know that doctor from Penn who saved your wife ? Doctor Russo ? His father was part of our company . His name was Frankie . The day of the battle , he was right next to Paulie here . " Nick nodded at Paulie , who smiled . " Anyway , Paulie ran the doctor 's father to safety after his leg was blown open . Frankie was a tough bastard . He didn 't want to leave us , but Paulie saved him , before coming back . You know how that day ended for us , Billy . You 're lucky , though , aren 't you ? Frankie went home , got married and raised a family . One of his kids saved your wife . " " Shut the hell up , Billy , " Nick roared . The walls of the room seemed to tremble . " You have no idea what you 're talking about . You don 't know shit . " " And that 's not why we 're here , anyway , " Nick barked . " Let 's go . You 're coming with us . Get your lying ass out of that bed and come on . There 's someone you need to speak to . " Jordan managed to get out of the driveway without waking his mother . He figured he had at least an hour and a half before anyone would be up and about . If by chance someone was at the cemetery , he could always turn around and go home . He was driving down a lonely stretch of road about three miles from town when it happened . All of a sudden , four men materialized , and stood in a row in the middle of the road . Jordan slammed on the brakes . The Nissan skidded to a stop about three feet away from them . He realized the men were soldiers , though he had no idea which branch of the Military they represented . He knew they were soldiers because of their uniforms , and the flags they carried . The flags were folded into triangles . Jordan figured he was caught . He hoped he could talk his way out of any repercussions . One of the men came toward the car and took off his helmet . He was a young man with bright red hair . Jordan could see it in the light of the moon . " These are my friends . " Red gestured to Paulie , Rocco and Big Nick . All of them appeared whole now . They looked young and healthy and confident . " Jordan , there 's someone you need to speak to , " Red continued . He shifted to the side a little , and Jordan noticed another man standing in the shadows . Jordan sat stiffly , assuming the man was a cop . He waited to be arrested , wondering if his father would post bail , as the man stepped out of the shadows and came to stand directly behind Red . Red looked at Jordan and said : " Listen to him . He 's got quite a story to share . " Then , in the blink of an eye , Red and his buddies disappeared . Jordan stared out the car window in shock . He couldn 't believe what he was seeing . Standing in the road , looking like the living dead , was Crazy Creedence . A microsecond later , Red , Paulie , Rocco and Big Nick were gazing at their own tombstones . The boss rested next to a large statue representing the King . The King 's presence surrounded them in warmth . Just before dawn , Jordan parked his car by the side of the road and walked toward Chandlerville Acres . He carried four small American flags that had mysteriously appeared on the passenger seat of his car while he was listening to his former teacher tell his story . He could hear the band playing in the distance . The parade would arrive in twenty minutes . Jordan cut through the Little League field . He thought he heard something as he passed the large statue of Christ next to the old hand pump . You are a good child . You have done well . You are loved . He glanced at the statue . A blinding flash of light glinted off the base , before disappearing in the dimness . Jordan thought about Crazy Creedence , happy he would never see the man again . He was also glad that he knew the truth . The truth , as ugly as it was , had opened his eyes . He walked to the first grave . He wasn 't sure how he knew where to go , but he ended up in the right place . John " Red " Stinson . November 15 , 1946 - January 21 , 1968 . Died a hero . The grave was decorated with a new flag and a vase full of daisies . Jordan said a prayer , and placed his own flag next to Red 's marker . As he turned away , he glimpsed a flash of red . When he blinked it was gone . Then he moved on . Jordan visited each grave in turn . The date of death was the same on each marker . Paul David Jenson , Jr . Peter Anthony " Rocco " Marcusi . Nicholas James " Big Nicky " Brandt . Jordan said a special prayer for Big Nick . He crouched next to Nick 's marker and placed his hand on the stone , hoping he was doing the right thing . Nick 's grave was beautiful , as was the entire cemetery . The sun was rising . Jordan felt a sensation of peace . A few minutes later , he stood up and began walking toward the road . In the morning sun at the edge of Chandlerville Acres stood Jordan 's father , stepmother and brothers , waiting for the parade . He knew they would be surprised to see him . He joined them just in time . They watched the parade in silence . After the ceremony honoring those who had made the ultimate sacrifice , Jordan told his family that his plans had changed . " I wanted you to be the first to know , " Jordan said . Joey and Matty stood on either side of him . They were holding Jordan 's hands . His father and Jeanette were smiling . Thank you for reading The Protest . I hope you enjoyed it . Remember our Veterans and their families , and please pray for the U . S . Military . Without them , we wouldn 't be free . D StreetFree Through Tuesday ~ Tears Of Paradox June 11 , 2017The Musings of a Recovering Springsteen Addict ~ One Year Springsteen Free June 4 , 2017Coping with the Orwellian Left May 25 , 2017My Obsession with Flowers , or " Why Have Posts been so Scarce Lately ? " May 9 , 2017The Left 's Disconnect from Reality ~ A Snowball to Hell . April 29 , 2017 Tweet to Daniella |
I did not go to my mother 's today . I did not wake up until nearly 3 because every time I woke up , my head felt like it was going to implode . I did however get the vacuum cleaner cover finished . And almost finished the crochet project . . . not really almost , but I finished another part of it . I also got all the stuff I promised Mandy for the party on Saturday . I 'm going to bed in either 11 or 41 minutes because tomorrow I will get up around 9 , shower , and go to my mom 's . Hopefully I will also be able to upload pictures of my sweet project that I hope I never have to see again , because it has taken up too much of my life . Although I hope I am proud of it when done . . . Hopefully I don 't hate it . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Now playing : Eminem ft . Nate Dogg - Shake Thatvia FoxyTunes Today I accomplished so much , it makes me wish I woke up at 8 am everyday . Almost . I mean , it 's 11 and I 'm about to pass out . So I got up to finish off my week of servitude , taking Grandma to her last two appointments for the next month . I really can 't stand being in waiting rooms anymore , attempting to read , but being interrupted by Kathy Lee talking about how Palin is " feminism at work " or something because she has 4 kids and still managed to run for Vice President . ( I 'm almost positive one of them said President . . . which is just a sign that they should not be allowed to vote , if they don 't even know who is running , but I digress ) . Then there was a discussion about whether she was allowed to make the decision to resign on her own , or if her fellow party mates ( read men ) convinced her it would be ok . And seriously , I do not care if she has a child with Down 's Syndrome . So does the lady down the street from me . . . she doesn 't get any publicity about it . ANYWAY . After I finished at the creepy hospital and managed to get through nearly 50 pages of my book ( an accomplishment which you would understand if you had been there ) , I went to my mom 's . I had intended to sit around and be lazy . Maybe take a little trip around the block on the golf cart . I ended up digging up three mounds of potatoes , and helping to weed a flower bed . Then , because I like punishment ( ? ) I offered to clean some of the slime out of her pond . It was gross , people , GROSS . Her friend stopped by , so they shot the shit for about 2 hours . My mother refuses to believe that she deserves a break now and then . . . And I 'm glad she got one . She waspissed , but whatever . She enjoyed her cigarettes while I forced them to listen to Hip - Hop Nation on XM Satellite . After she left , I washed all the potatoes and did my mom 's dishes . I 'm pretty sure there will perpetually be dirt under my finger nails . I came home and made dinner for myself because my dad had already eaten . Then , miraculously , and accidentally , I found my wallet . I decided it was time to clean the ratties ' Posted by I had a dream last night . I was walking down a hill toward a pond , and on the way down , there were Easter eggs all over . Some were open , some were closed . The closed ones all had M & Ms in them . I started pouring them into either larger eggs or little containers , one being a pill bottle . A woman came along and said , " Hey , are those your Easter eggs ? " " No , I found them . " " Well then you can 't eat the candy . " So I started pouring them out into the pond , but I lifted the eggs really high up so the candy would fall into my mouth . She yelled at me to spit them out , and that if I ate them it was considered stealing . I tried to convince her that she shouldn 't throw them all away into the pond , because that was a waste . Finally , someone else distracted her and I ran away with my pill bottle and little containers . I came to a bathroom , and locked the door . I sat on the toilet and starting eating the M & Ms as fast as I could . I ate all the ones in everything except the pill bottle . I took the lid off of it , and saw that all of them were yellow . I don 't know why , but I don 't like yellow ones in my waking life , so I guess that translated to my dream life . Because I set the bottle down , went out of the bathroom and when I shut the door , I heard the bottle fall and the M & Ms pour all over the sink . - - - - - Yellow The color yellow has both positive and negative connotations . If the dream is a pleasant one , then the color yellow is symbolic of intellect , energy , agility , happiness , harmony , and wisdom . On the other hand , if the dream is an unpleasant one , then the color represents cowardice and sickness . You may have a fear or an inability to make a decision or take action . As a result , you are experiencing many setbacks . Toilet To see a toilet in your dream , symbolizes a release of emotions or getting rid of something in your life that is useless . Pond To see a pond in your dream , represents tranquility and desire for more quiet time to yourself . It is a time to reflect on your situation and what is going on in your life . Alternatively , it suPosted by I am now going to sum up the last 72 hours of my life in three words : Grandma and menstruation . This can be translated into : I kinda want to rip out my ovaries / fallopian tubes , put them into a box , put that box in another box , mail it to myself and then smash it with a hammer . ( Anyone ? - I 'll give you a hint : http : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = LuGMYdY - scE , at roughly 1 : 50 . ) Oh hay ! I went to bed at 6 : 30ish am this morning . Why ? I 'm guessing it was the coffee I had 12 hours before . I woke up at 9 : 30 but was so exhausted I fell asleep again before even touching my alarm clock . Better story though , is me waking up at noonish , wanting to die , sitting at my computer for an hour , and then taking my grandma to the doctor . I think , alright , this 'll take an hour , I can drop her off at home , go buy some tampons , and be home in time for a late lunch . Notsomuch . " Can we stop by the store ? " " Sure ! " Now I won 't even need to backtrack to get tampons - I think and am excited that I can kill two birds with one stone . AN HOUR LATER . . . we are checking out . I have already paid for my stuff . I am starving . In a grocery store . I have never enjoyed chocolate cake , but slather some peanut butter creme stuff in between two and call it a whoppee ! and I 'll devour it in 3 . 2 seconds while driving and texting at the same damn time . It took two trips for me to get all of her groceries inside because well , I was starving and thirsty and she would 've freaked out if I had taken a sip while driving . ( And Lord knows I can do many things while driving . . . I 'll let your imagination go wild . ) It 's not that I mind helping her out . It 's the fact that she said " stop by " which to me implies , " I need to pick up some aspirin and maybe some potatoes . " If she would 've said , " Could we get groceries after my appointment ? " I would have been totally ok with it , and brought a snack . And now , basically , my friends have conflicting interests ( except wanting to hang out with me ) and therefore I don 't know which way to go , cause they both asked me at the same time . Today is crazy and I 've only been awake for 5 hours ( a little less , actually ) . I was driving home from my mother 's tonight and thought there was some dirt on the road . Well , there was , but it was floating in about a foot of water rushing across the street . There was spray similar to that of . . . well something that sprays a lot . But oh , I couldn 't see because it was hurricanesque raining . I can also add " GIANT FUCKING WORM " to the list of things I have hit with my car . I swear to you , the damn thing was like 6 inches long , squirming across the road ( emphasis on was ) because now it is lying on across the road . I did , however , manage to miss the four toads that I saw hopping on the streets . AND ! My toad friend , that usually sits outside our front door when I get home was there again . It has been like a week . I found it ironic that the song below was the first to play when I pressed randomize on iTunes . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Now playing : Garbage - I 'm Only Happy When It Rainsvia FoxyTunes It has been so long in Stefland ! So much to report on ! ( well , kinda ) My new job is Grandma 's personal assistant . It doesn 't pay that much ( or at all ) but my dad pays for my gas and he gives me a $ 20 now and then if I want to do something . Basically , I drive her to doctors appointments and make sure she doesn 't faint or something while walking . She has the flu and some other problem ( we don 't know what ) and so she 's not allowed to drive . I 've got four appointments in this next week and I did one last Friday . She might also have me take her grocery shopping . Which I love doing most of the time , but I don 't know . . . I 've never done it with her . So that knocks out Monday , Tuesday , Thursday and either Wednesday or Friday of this week ! Hot damn . At least I won 't be perpetually bored . . . Oh wait , I 'll be in waiting rooms for 6 hours ( how long do sonograms take ? ) . It 's a good thing I like reading . And borrowed 7 books from Melissa . Speaking of fun things Stef wants to do . I went to a bar last night . First time since my final Jazz night with the Sonjas ( sad ) . But , it was fun . It was Conneaut Lake , so you know , you have to watch yourself or you 're dancing with some guy with no teeth and a mom - heart tattoo . But I digress . I went to a bar to see a live band . . . which I have done . . . um never . The Porcelain Bus Drivers played ( which , side note : my 79 - yr old Grandma heard of them before . . . I had not ) . They play covers , and they do it very well . I could upload a video of some crazy dancing so you can hear them in the background . Yeah I 'll do that . But anyway , they have a trombone player and a trumpet player . I found myself sitting outside during a set break , smoking a Camel menthol and taking pictures of a well . Why did I do this ? I do not know , but next time I take free shots of Goldschlager with the band , I 'll be sure to update you on what goes through my mind . And , I may have sang the phrase , " Laid back . With my mind on my money and my money on my mind " into the mic with the singer during their cover of Snoop Dogg 's " Gin & Juice " maybe . . . So yes , and then about ten minutes after returning to Melissa 's I passed out on the couch with the cats . Good thing I 'm not allergic . . . oh wait . Is there anything else ? I do not think so . So , enjoy the video and random well picture . : ) 1 . If you read this , could you please comment ? I don 't care what it is ( spam me if you want ) , I just want to know who reads it . 2 . I am in the middle of a rather large Make Something Cool Everyday project . Pictures of the completed project will come when I finish the whole thing . : ) 3 . I had a dream last night that a bull kept trying to attack me because I played with his nose piercing . I ended up on the roof , but had no trouble jumping down from it . 4 . I am going to buy an Olivia Newton - John record today . I am about five shades of excited because my ONJ shrine collection is getting bigger ! 5 . Birds keep flying into my bedroom window and dying . Or , they get back up and then fly into it again and then die . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Now playing : Madonna - Justify My Lovevia FoxyTunes I finally got off my ass and made another craft ! I was thinking that he would look cute with a little hat too . I think that I 'm going to make a little family of them . I have a problem with finding quotes in books that are incredibly meaningful to me . I never want to forget them , but I almost always do . I hope that by typing this one here , I won 't forget it . The Secret Life of Bees , pg . 277People , in general , would rather die than forgive . It 's that hard . If God said in plain language , " I 'm giving you a choice , forgive or die , " a lot of people would go ahead and order their coffin . I went into The Secret Life of Bees thinking that I would hate it . Stories about mother - daughter relationships are not exactly my favorite . . . however , even half - way through , I am incredibly intrigued and in love with this book . I am at a part , where Lily falls in love with what she refers to as : impossibility . It 's as if Sue Monk Kidd is writing about every single person I have ever fallen in love with . And then we reach the part where he tells her that he loves her too . Except , he is black , she is white , and it is 1964 . If even one of the two people that I currently want to spend the rest of my life with would just show the slightest return of feelings , I could probably move on . But right now the whole situation is just suck . I like to have these dreams , where bears will be casually walking past my house , and then for some reason , discover that I am in the house , terrified and hiding . About ten minutes ago , I woke up from what may be the most gruesome of these dreams . I was on my porch , while my dad was getting the mail , and thought to myself , " Is that the neighbor 's dog ? It looks awfully dark . . . " Then , upon realizing that I am a complete idiot , I ran inside , shutting the door . My next step was to hide in the bathroom , because lord knows he will never look for me there . How bears are able to open doors in my dreams , I will never know , but hey , everyone has a thumb in my dreams ! So , I 've managed to barricade the bathroom door ( with myself ) and the amazingly talented bear and I spend about five minutes twisting the handle back and forth as he tries to get the door open . I 'm sorry , but why did this grizzly sized black bear , just not beat it down ? Stupid bear . Anyway , my dream geniusness kicks in , and I think , " I will beat it to death with the shower curtain rod ! " So , I let the bear open the door , and I proceed to beat it with a plastic rod . I swear to you , the bear just looked at me like , " Is she for real ? " As he sat there , I don 't know , laughing at me , I decided to pull a Jaws move , and stab it 's eye out . Instead of fighting me back , after I somehow punctured one eye with my curtain rod , he looks at me pathetically . And I 'm like , " Well , that was easy . " And then I popped the other eye . Then I was like " Man , I really have to pee . " And woke up . Let me start by saying that today , was indeed a good day . That is , up until 2 : 15 when I panicked because I was supposed to already have left for my interview . However , Peggle totally distracted me . I decided to pee here before I left and so I did so , like any other day . Welcome to Hell . I stand up after all is said & done , to realize that the bottom edge of my skirt went swimming . . . and I peed on it . Panic zwei sets in as I rifle through my closet in an attempt to find anything else nice . . . ANYTHING . I finally found something relatively nice , threw it on and got to my car . Then , I know there is roadwork so I have to go the long way , only to be stuck behind some dick set on going 5 mph under the speed limit . And when I finally get to Meadville , every light is red . Perpetually red . I thought about just making a bunch of left turns and calling them to be like , " Yeah , so . . . I 'm trying , really . " Get there and there are four parking spots . All are full . So I park at the building next to . . . directly in front of a sign that says " Advance Cast Parking Only . Unauthorized Vehicles Towed . " Um . . . well , let 's hope they don 't tow it . Cause I have four minutes . Sit in waiting room for 35 minutes . Then the interview is half an hour - beginning with the words , " Sorry , our AC broke this morning . " JESUS . All I could think about was saying , " Look , I 'm parked illegally , could we speed this up ? " and then eventually , " You know , I think I 'll just go work somewhere else , this is taking too long for me . " Good news , I escape to see a tow truck pulling into the parking lot . Needless to say , I have never pulled out of a parking spot so quickly in my life . I have no idea if it was for me or what , but I didn 't get towed . Bam . Day over . . . I don 't care anymore . My room smells like pee from the aforementioned incident and we have no dryer . Sooo , guess I 'll be seein Mom soon . Today I was walking down the street with Aaryn & Alex . Here was our order : Me - Aaryn - AlexA car drove by , gave a cat call , and then turned around in the parking lot behind us . There were two teenagers inside . This is what was next said : You 're fat . - You 're fat . - You 're gay . I am by no means a poet . But I am incredibly sleep deprived and a little high off cough syrup , so I 'm going to type like not a blog entry : The hours roll byMy eyelids are heavy . My body asleep butMy mind spins awake . Flip the pillow overTo the cool side . Close my eyesListen to the emptiness . Stare into nothingWatch the clock . Another sip of waterAnother trip to the bathroom . Check my e - mailGet back in bed . Toss and turnToss and turn . The sun comes upAnd I 'm still awake . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Now playing : Baby Bash Ft . Frankie - Suga Sugavia FoxyTunes Several phrases from the evening that made me wish Sigma Frye was there : " You put that there while I get my stick ready . " " When I put this in there , it 's just going to explode . " " Can I sit on your lap ? " " No , you 're too wet . " " Can we put these here so they can get bigger ? " " Wow , that one is really black . " " Woah , that went everywhere . " " I wanna play with it now . It 's my turn . " " Are you going back in ? It 's really warm in there . " " Oh look ! There 's two of them . " " I left it in too long . It started to disintegrate . " And my personal favorite , said by my two 9 year old male cousins : " I 've got blue balls ! " " Mine are red ! Well , pink . " On the way to my grandma 's ( who is not feeling well , so my uncle and I took her some food from our picnic ) , my uncle tells me that my cousin 's daughter told him today that she is a feminist and didn 't like a remark he made . He asked her what she meant by being a feminist ( she is 14 , I think ) and she replied , " Men and women are equal . " Their conversation ( roughly ) follows : " But you have boobs . I don 't . You can have babies . I can 't . You can 't tell me that we are equal . " " I mean , they should be treated equally , especially in the workplace . " " You will always be looked down upon because you are a woman . Get used to it . " Apparently they fought like this for awhile , and it ended with her crying in another room . He told me that he went in later and explained to her , that he was only half - joking and that she really should get used to being treated differently , and inferior - ly , because she is a woman . He said that he didn 't mean to make her so upset , but she should just face the cold , hard , truth now , instead of being slapped with it later . This upset me . Mainly because last year , about this same time , my family was working on building a retaining wall for my grandma . One day , my dad and I shoveled a ton ( literally ) of gravel onto a pipe for said wall . The next day , everyone got together for a picnic to celebrate us finishing the wall . When I asked what I could do , this same uncle said , " You can go up on the deck with the other women . " Normally , this would not have upset me as much as it did , because I just laugh it off like a joke . However , I found out that he had said almost the same thing to an aunt , and I had done more work than him on this . And for him to imply that sticking some bricks together was a man 's job , was completely ridiculous . My grandma tried to convince me that he was just joking , but he acts this way all the time . He thinks ( and tells us all the time ) that my aunts ' places are in the kitchen doing the dishes after family gatherings , loading / unloading the dishwasher , and taking care of the kids . He complains wPosted by You know why living in the middle of nowhere is kinda cool ? Because you do not look like a dork sitting on your front porch peeling potatoes . And do you know why you don 't look like a dork ? Because the people next door ( whom they are for ) are weed - whacking in the 75 degree weather in jeans , work boots , and a sweater , the people on the other side are fat and shirtless in their garden , and the people across the street are having a domestic dispute ( followed by a shirtless bike ride around our 4 mile block . On a completely different note , I would like to point out that garlic mustard is EVERYWHERE . If you see it , you should eradicate that terrible little weed . Because it is invasive in just about every state and it 's kinda ugly . Don 't know what it looks like ? Well , as if looking out the window of your car going anywhere wasn 't good enough : So , today I was woken by the phone and my dad usually knows which of my friend 's is calling , or if it is a relative he tells me and he said , " I don 't know who this is , " and handed me the phone . Welcome to job call back # 2 , at a Pet Care facility . ( the first being the cleaners said I was hired if my background check was ok , and then never called me ) Apparently out of the tons of applicants , I am in the final selection bracket - this makes me feel really good . The interview is next Thursday . . . maybe . Because , drumroll . . . call back # 3 ( sorta ) came at 4 : 30 . This interview is tomorrow between 10 & 2 , anytime in there , at Staples . I don 't know what to do . The Pet Care place would be more relevant to what I want to do , but it 's only weekends - 16hrs / wk - and holidays ( another 8 ) , and then if anyone calls off . I 'm basically on call to work if someone more important than me doesn 't want to . However , I think that Staples would be a more reliable source of money - and in the end , a lot more enjoyable . And I don 't want to tell them that I can 't work weekends or holidays , because what if I don 't get either job ? ! ? I wish so many people didn 't want me , lol . This is slightly nervewracking . I had a dream last night that I was at my family 's 4th of July picnic at my aunt & uncle 's house , but before it started , my uncle had to clear out the houses that were in the back so he could make money . It was some sort of scheme , because they were lying to the people paying him , saying that they were like , really historical ( you could tell by the wood or something ) and I was helping him . And then my hands started hurting really badly . After I washed the dirt off them , three fingers on both hands were really white and the sides were black , and I was also covered in a ton of cuts from the metal . They hurt so incredibly bad and my dad said it was because the skin had shrunk and my fingers didn 't fit inside the skin anymore . My aunt tried to bandage it , but it hurt way too badly to touch it . Then I had another dream that I was back in high school - iPosted by |
When I was just L ' il Val , I had a pet miniature poodle . Of course he was a pet . It 's not like he was livestock , or a blood relative . Buster was a black ball of fluff until he got his summer haircut , and then appeared svelte and dapper , prancing through the kitchen , click - clicking his newly - trimmed toenails , with red ribbons tied on each side of his head to give him " dog ears . " If you were a girl in the 70s , you know what I mean . Let the record show that Buster was an Einstein of the dog world . So easy to teach tricks . Recognizing many words , leading to his downfall when one wanted to get rid of him and said , " Is GRANDMA here ? " Off he 'd run to the front door to wait for my mom 's mom to come in . Even when she wasn 't coming . Sometimes , Buster would get embarrassed by the old throw the ball but hold it trick , and lay down and put his head under the couch . He knew all of his toys by name , and would trot off to find them when you asked . Ball and Bone were his favorites , orange in color , and smelling of vanilla . My sweet , sweet Juno is smart in a working dog kind of way . You might say she has yard smarts . Juno sees little need to run after a tossed item and bring it back . She will run sniff it , just in case she 's missing something , but she returns empty - mouthed . She 's also an accomplished thief , with a doghouse containing all but one of Puppy Jack 's toys . I didn 't think Puppy Jack was going to be all that smart . He couldn 't seem to master going down the porch steps , choosing instead to leap , stretched out like Superman , off the porch right beside the steps , a distance of about 3 feet into the lava rock that surrounds Hick 's rock garden . In addition , he chose to spend his first nights free of his hutch ( oh , who are we kidding , EVERY night since he was freed from his hutch ) sleeping over on the gravel road in front of Shackytown , some nights up inside the undercarriage of the Gator , even though there are two perfectly good nearly - new store - bought doghouses on the end of the porch . Some days ( okay , most days ) he won 't even come when he 's called . At first I thought he might have a hearing problem , but if I was holding him when The Pony started out the door with his food , he heard the faintest snick of the doorknob turning , and tried to thrash himself out of my grip . That dog loves to eat . Monday , I came home from my DMV mission around 11 : 30 a . m . I slung my ratty 20 - year - old cracked - leather - handled brown purse over my forearm , grabbed my precious 44 oz Diet Coke in that hand , and stepped out of the garage to the side porch . There was Puppy Jack , looking like an abandoned canine orphan . He does that at the side porch . Gets the sad look , ears laid back . Maybe it 's trauma from cat - bullying . They hang out there . I reached up into the cat - kibble roaster pan and picked up three little pieces for Jack . He has to watch his figure , you know , or he can get long - back trouble . That dog will eat anything he can find that is remotely edible . He snarfed up the kibble almost before it was out of my hand . I went up the steps and past Gassy - G the auction grill , rounded the corner past Juno 's custom - made house , and put my hand on the kitchen doorknob . Jack had trotted along behind me . He started around the curved , windowed , table nook part of the house , toward the dogs ' food pans . He looked hopefully at me , over his shoulder . Jack went around the corner , and as I opened the door , he came back . Looked at me . Turned to head back to the food pans , looking at me over his shoulder again . Persistent little fellow ! I went inside , and had not even passed the front counter when I heard Jack barking outside the laundry room . " Arf ! Arf ! Arf ! Arf ! Arf ! " In his little puppy voice . Where we keep the big metal trash can filled with dogfood . " Pony ! Do you hear Jack ? Maybe something is out there on the back porch . A possum again . Or a neighbor 's dog . Or he 's just barking for me to feed him . " The Pony ran upstairs to check it out while I double - cupped my 44 oz Diet Coke and began preliminary preparations for a plate of Super Nachos . " Wait ! That 's my phone . Your dad always picks the worst time to text me . Huh . He says , ' I did not feed Jack this morning . ' THAT ' S what he 's doing ! Telling us he didn 't get breakfast . Go feed him , Pony . " Yesterday , I hot - footed it over to the DMV to renew T - Hoe 's license plates . Hick has a habit of foisting these things on me at the last minute . I don 't mind , mind you , because I am . . . um . . . how you say . . . retired never working another day in my life ! But there 's no need for Hick to take that little renewal postcard and hoard it somewhere secret and then trot it out with only a couple days to spare . Normally , Hick takes care of these things at work . Well , not at work , that would be cheating his employer of honest work for an honest day 's pay . I mean he takes the card and vehicle to work that day , has it inspected during the morning , having somebody drop him at the plant , then drop him off to pick up that vehicle at lunch . AND he goes by the DMV near his work to get the license . I know , because I have to dig up the past two years ' tax receipts , and give him a check . He 's not allowed to carry the checkbook . Laws , NO ! M - O - O - N ! That spells , " Val has enough trouble keeping track of Hick 's debit card transactions , and she 's not about to let him roam the countryside with a book of checks , not writing down numbers or saving receipts ! " So anyway , Hick gave me the renewal postcard , and then asked me if I had the inspection certificate . WHAT ? Val is NOT the Queen of All Documents ! Turns out Hick had T - Hoe inspected while the service department was working on his assorted faulty systems during our Oklahoma trip . He had foisted a handful of paperwork on me ( actually left it on T - Hoe 's passenger seat ) when we picked him up Saturday morning . So he found that , and I grabbed the receipts , whipped out my proof of insurance , and headed for the DMV bright and early ( for me ) at 10 : 30 a . m . Monday . It 's no hardship , you see . The local DMV is only a few blocks past the gas station chicken store . And I 've been known to drop in there on occasion . The DMV is also behind the dead - mouse - smelling post office , where I needed to pick up some stamps . Keeping Genius in Chinese food money and scratch - off tickets every week is quite stamp - consuming . However . . . since the dead - mouse - smelling clerks have a penchant for changing their lunch hours all willy - nilly . . . I missed the stamp - buying window by five minutes . That 's because The Pony looked up their hours online and said they were closed from 10 : 30 to 12 : 30 , so I gave up , when in reality I could have stopped by there FIRST , and gotten my stamps before they closed at 11 : 00 , which was on a printed piece of paper taped to the inside of their door . Anyhoo . . . I pulled into the parking lot of the DMV and saw that my usual space was available . The one on the end , so I can cheat over the line and not have a car plastered up against my driver 's door so I have to squeeze myself tiny like Tim Allen in a no - chimney - house in The Santa Clause to leave and enter my vehicle . There were a lot of cars on the lot , but by the time I had put T - Hoe in " P " and grabbed my purse , THREE people were on the way back to their cars . I went inside and didn 't even have to go around the corner to the counter . In fact , I didn 't even have to tear a number off the dispenser . The girl sitting at the window just inside the door said , " What can we do for you ? " I wasn 't sure she was even talking to me . She had her head turned to look where I couldn 't see , in the area where the other two ( standing ) clerks were stationed . Then she swiveled her head to look at me , and I said , " I 'm here to renew my license plate . " I laid my paperwork on her counter and handed her T - Hoe 's renewal card . There was a chair for me , but I didn 't sit . It was brown leather or fake leather , cracked , torn , and taped . I didn 't want to risk that chair pinching my ample buttocks . I guess the low bid process of assigning contracts to Missouri DMVs means that corners and possibly butt cheeks must be cut . Here 's how they do it in MO : The Missouri Department of Revenue currently oversees 177 license offices which are each operated by independent agents . All of the license offices were put out for bid under the competitive procurement process in 2009 . Contracts were awarded for one year with three one - year I didn 't really have time to sit down , anyway . The minute I handed her the card , she said , " Safety inspection . " I pushed that over . " Tax receipts for 14 and 15 . " I fumbled to get them out of their tiny envelopes . " Proof of insurance . " Had it ready . " Did you say 2 - year ? " I didn 't , but I said I did . One less trip to the DMV . " Seventy - three fifty . Write your driver 's license number on the check . " Whoa ! Shouldn 't SHE do that ? What if I lied ? I could have scribbled any ol ' number on there ! THEY are the ones who gave me the horrific picture on my driver 's license ! I think THEY should have to look at that hideous thing . So what if I hear a sharp intake of breath , and then she says , " That 's quite breathtaking . " She brought it on her own self , having that camera set up wrong so my bloated head fills the whole picture part like a balloon about to pop . Why was this gal acting like she was in a hurry ? It 's the freakin ' DMV , for cryin ' out loud ! Since when does time mean anything at the DMV ? The place where they normally send the average person back home 2 - 3 times before they decide they have the right paperwork . " Sign here . There you go . " She shoved all of my documents back at me . I swear she was tapping her foot , waiting for me to leave . I didn 't even have time to put my driver 's license back in my checkbook , or my tax receipts back in their tiny envelopes . I got a firm grip on my bundle of documents , and got out while the gettin ' was good . As you might have heard , Hick and I took The Pony to Oklahoma last Tuesday for a freshman orientation camp . It was my first time out there , though Hick has taken The Pony on a campus visit before . You know , when he took those pictures of scenery , with a miniscule Pony in the middle . We were nearly there , perhaps an hour out of Norman on I - 40 , headed toward our turnoff to keep us out of Oklahoma City , but who 's keeping time on a 10 - hour drive , anyway ? I was struck by the remoteness of the town . Hours across the middle of nowhere . My precious Pony might as well be on the moon , so far away he will be . No short trips home for an hour or two on a Saturday , like Genius has graced us with his occasional presence . My heart was heavy , but I did not want my percolating grief to bubble over , for The Pony 's sake . It was his week . A time to be excited about this new adventure upon which he is about to embark . It 's no secret that I am having trouble letting go . If I could , I would lasso my little Pony with my apron strings , and hog - tie him so he can 't get away . As I contemplated my near future with my empty nest , tears welled up . I held them in pretty good . So many thoughts rushing through my mind . I had to stop , before those tears overflowed . I looked out at the countryside . We were passing a billboard divided into three panels . Such a coincidence , huh ? I 'm not sure what that billboard was even advertising . I had not looked at most of them , so wrapped up in my thoughts for so many miles . In retrospect , it was probably for the Myriad Botanical Gardens ladybug release coming up in July . I did some digging with my estranged BFF Google a few minutes ago , and found that event . But at the time , all I could think of was , " A ladybug ! Okay . Everything will work out . Calm down . " We went on into Norman and got our room , then went to dinner . We had that night with The Pony before dropping him off at the campus Wednesday morning . He sent me a text within 10 minutes , a picture of the room he was staying in , because I 'd asked him to . I just replied OK , and left him alone . I couldn 't help but wonder how his day was going . But I didn 't intrude . He would communicate if he wanted to . I wasn 't going to horn in on his camp time . That evening , I sat on The Devil 's Throne at my laptop trying to soak up enough free high - speed internet to get my money 's worth . The TV was on , and Hick had gone to pick up Personal Pan Pizzas for supper . I was waiting for the 2 - hour premiere of Big Brother at 7 : 00 , a little sad that The Pony was not going to be able to watch it with me . We look forward to its return every summer . My mom was a big fan , too . I 'd call her on commercials to complain about those houseguests . And after the show , to rehash what they should have done . Then I 'd call her the next day to share spoilers with her that I saw on Big Brother After Dark , or on my reality TV websites . The Pony is not one to enjoy spoilers . We had set the DVR to record it , but I was NOT going to miss the premiere . It 's BIG BROTHER , by cracky ! I made sure I could find CBS on the hotel TV network . The numbers on the guide were not always the numbers of the channel . The Pony and I had figured that out the night before . So I was scrolling through around 6 : 50 , looking for CBS , when I happened upon a documentary channel . I don 't know what that documentary was about , but it was going off . The credits were rolling , with an inset of a dude sitting on top of a slide attached to a plastic playset at a playground . He was talking about how things were better now , and he was enjoying life . Hick and I held it together through the afternoon rush hour traffic coming out of Oklahoma City . Forged an uneasy truce through nondescript countryside and off - and - on construction along I - 40 toward Fort Smith . Hick did not want to take the turnpike , and as a non - highway driver , who was I to object ? We turned north onto I - 49 near Fort Smith , and together marveled at the beautiful Boston Mountains . Still cordial , we joked as we crossed into Missouri after I - 49 turned into US - 71 , because a town there had the same name as my sister the ex - mayor 's wife . Even the downpour once we made a right onto I - 44 near Joplin did not lead to disparaging words . We settled down for the long haul . Hick said he was fine to drive straight through . Our ETA back at the homestead was 1 : 50 a . m . I counted mile markers . It 's pretty ridiculous for Missouri to spend my tax dollars to pound a signpost every . 2 miles with a shiny green rectangle announcing that I have just progressed another two - tenths mile towards my destination . Seriously . I remember when a mile marker meant just that . A MILE between each marker . Oklahoma and Arkansas are more cost - conscious with their road labels . It was just outside the city limits of Steelville that the bullcrap hit the fanbelt . Hick thought he should drive 70 mph on the 55 mph two - lane blacktop . Aside from it being against the law , it was 12 : 30 in the freakin ' a . m . Nobody needs to drive that fast in the dark on that road after already driving 8 hours and 40 minutes with a couple of pit stops for gas and potty . I expressed my desire to live . " No . But if you were going slower , you might have seen it and had time . Or it would have had time to get out of the way . " " I TOLD you , I 'm going to see how you kill me . And I WILL come back to haunt you . Don 't think that I won 't . Death will not silence ME ! " Do you all realize how lucky you are to be reading Val 's blog this week ? She could have been cooling her heels in the hoosegow . Chillin ' with villains and felons . A guest at the Crossbars Hilton . Locked up , with the key disposed of per environmentally - friendly trash service and landfill rules . " Oh , Val , " you say . " Why must you be so dramatic ? Everything you do is not a major incident . The world is not as Valcentric as you would like . " I had just sat down to play a quarter slot machine called Lucky Duck . It was a 3 - reel machine , with a bonus when you hit a Lucky Ducky anywhere visible , not just on the payline . Apparently there were three different kinds of Lucky Ducks , but I couldn 't tell them apart in my spinning frenzy . Every now and then , that machine would go crazy and give free spins . I guess if you hit a special duck . AND , sometimes a screen popped up on top with little yellow rubber duckies swimming along . Hick had told me about playing one of these games . He tried to pick a duck , like the screen said , but nothing happened . And a guy next to him said he had to push a button first . I don 't know about Hick and his buddy , but I reached up to poke a duck , and it turned over , and some points wafted out of him . I got to pick three ducks , and their total was my bonus . Simple enough , but I didn 't know why it was doing that . I figured I 'd just keep spinning the reels ( no crank on this machine ) and poke the ducks when I got a chance . I had only put one $ 20 bill in the machine , and was getting along swimmingly . I was a lucky duck ! I was pushing the PLAY MAX CREDITS button , to play 3 credits , or three quarters per spin . All at once , a Lucky Duck appeared , and my machine took to spinning on its own . FIVE free spins ! And then the swimming ducks showed up on the top display . Of course a slot machine makes noise when you win something , because the casino wants to trick other idiots into feeding their no - armed bandits money . During my free spins , quite a cacophony emanated from my Lucky Duck Let the record show that the majority of people playing in casinos don 't want to make chit - chat . It 's one thing if you 're filling your free soda ( the horror - - Oklahoma seems to be in cahoots with PEPSI instead of Coke ) or waiting in line , or eating at the food court . But when you 're playing , you don 't want to be bothered . Maybe you 're counting losing spins , so you know when to up your bet to max when the odds are in favor of a payoff . So you don 't just walk up to people and start blathering . But Val is a people person , as you well know ! So she was polite and responded to Little Lady . I reacted by flinging up my arm . Kind of like my mom used to do if she had to slam on the brakes when I was a toddler riding in our pink and white 1956 Chevy Bel Air sedan , standing on the front seat beside her . It 's a reflex . So when Little Lady pushed my button , my arm automatically raised up quickly without my conscious thought , and knocked her arm and hand off my button . I didn 't scream at her . But I wanted her to know that I did not appreciate her touch . You can 't have people walking up all willy - nilly in a casino and pushing your buttons . That is a really bad casino faux pas . I share this tale to educate you on proper casinoquette . Little Lady looked at me kind of quizzically . But I had made my point . I chatted with her a bit more , just to show that there were no hard feelings . Problem was , she pushed that SPIN REELS button , which was for playing 1 credit . I was afraid that would negate my 3 - credit play that had landed me in the bonus . She could have cut my profit by TWO - THIRDS ! I don 't think she did . I happened to win $ 150 on that spin . So everything was good . Let the record show that even after Hick met up with me right before leaving time , and I told him about Little Lady 's transgression , I 'll be ding - dang - donged if he didn 't do the exact same thing ! I was trying to finish up at a penny machine , and Hick reached over my shoulder and PUSHED THE PLAY 5 CREDITS BUTTON ! ! ! Of course my arm did the exact same thing it did to Little Lady , only this time it was my left arm . " Don 't you hit my hand off your button ! " Hick actually thought HE was in the right ! What is wrong with people ? If security had come , I would have denied knowing Hick , and complained the he put his hands where they didn 't belong ( technically true ) and let them tote him away to their lock - up . Hick seems to have a vendetta against Val 's happiness . It is not enough that Val funds his gaming bankroll with hard - won stashes from her own endeavors . And that she is perfectly agreeable to him going out on his own , exploring Goodwills and thrift stores and antique shops . Val would be perfectly happy ( SO much about Val is perfect ) sitting in the hotel room with her books and internet , chillin ' in the air conditioning , plenty of ice water and a bathroom at her disposal . A vacation , of sorts , from catering to the feeding and upkeep of her helpless males . Let the record show that Hick DID attempt to appease Val 's wishes Thursday morning , the plan being to head to the casino after breakfast , stay until money ran out , have some lunch , and return Val to the hotel . Then Hick would be on his own to explore the city . However . . . the universe had other ideas . We got up a half hour later because that 's when Hick set his alarm . On the way to the casino , we encountered heavy traffic , so much that we took the first available exit from the highway entrance ramp line . A semi truck had just been involved in an accident , burst into flames , and blocked the only way to the casino ! Well . Only way , unless we drove 30 miles out of the way to get there , then 30 miles back . We could have gone to a whole new casino for that distance . Don 't you worry about the truck driver . Nobody suffered serious injury , BUT the highway was blocked until after evening rush hour , due to hazmat cleanup crews . Since it was only 10 : 15 a . m . , Hick decided that we should tour the Oklahoma Museum of Natural History . Let the record show that Hick had placed that on his exploring itinerary for the day . I figured he would take me back to the hotel , see his sights , and then come back so we could try the casino again . Hick , however , said we would tour the museum , then try the casino again . ( I didn 't know until late afternoon when I checked the internet traffic reports what had happened on the highway . ) Val does not dislike museums . Val 's knees dislike standing . So Hick was well aware that this educational outing was not Val 's cup of Diet Coke . Still , he insisted . I 'm sure I don 't even have to mention that Hick did NOT drop me off at the entrance , but drove merrily to the parking lot , even two spaces farther from the entrance than necessary , and waited impatiently for Val to peel her sweaty butt from A - Cad 's leather seat and extract her knees from the car . Maybe you can see it , there in the center . . . a buffalo ! A fake buffalo . On the corner across from the entrance to the Oklahoma Museum of Natural History . We crossed that street , and then another street , and walked across the vast front pavement to the door . There were numerous commemorative stones bearing names of the museum 's benefactors paved right into the pavement . Again , in true Hick fashion , he told the lady at the desk we wanted two tickets . Without asking the price . Val is not a miser , but she likes to know the price before she purchases something like . . . oh . . . I don 't know . . . maybe some $ 1000 inserts from The Good Feet Store , or a secret new lawnmower . " Sixteen dollars , " the lady said . Huh . We could have cut that down to $ 8 if Hick had let Val sit in the car . But with the temperature at 99 degrees , he probably would have been on the news that night , second story , after the casino - highway - truck fire . The lady explained the main exhibits , suggested where we should start , and what direction to follow . We meandered to and fro , taking in the history of life and its Earthly beginnings , up through critters crawling out of the ocean and developing legs , as well as the increasing complexity of plant life and the classification of species . Then there was a room about plate tectonics and fossil dating . Pretty much the stuff I 've been teaching for oh . . . let 's see . . . 28 YEARS ! We DID see the progression of Oklahoma 's native people , with different fossil finds and arrowhead points . That was the best part . Also not - too - shabby was this mammoth statue : Heh , heh . It was a mammoth statue of a MAMMOTH , by cracky ! Here 's a little story about the trouble it took to get it in there . Hick made me stand around for an hour and 45 minutes ! I told him I would be unable to walk through the casino after that workout . My knees ain 't what they used to be . I was breaking out in a cold pain sweat by the time we left , despite sitting a couple of times on their really low padded benches , which kind of added to the problem . His answer : " Well , you 'll be mostly sitting , there . " EXACTLY ! And why I would rather be sitting there than standing looking at stuff ( some diagrams were the exact same ones I had in my textbooks ) I have taught for 28 years . My nightly blog posts have been coming to you from the Holiday Inn Express . Don 't get me started on this one . Though new , it can 't hold a candle to the one in Columbia , Missouri . Anyhoo . . . I miss my dark basement lair . The heater that burns my foot - skin through my Croc - holes . The close proximity to my go - fer , The Pony , on his cheap basement couch . My best old Christmas present ever , my red office chair . Even though my red office chair is starting to lose the plastic off its metal arms , it is quite comfortable . Just the right height . Adjustable if my back is tweaked from being an old lady . The chair provided by the Holiday Inn Express is also adjustable . If you dare . Oh , it 's modern . It 's visually appealing . With easy upkeep . But it is not functional for Val . Those wheels ain 't made for rollin ' . Not on carpet , anyway . You 'd best have that baby right up to where you want it , and turn it sideways to sit , then pivot your legs under the desk . Because you ain 't goin ' nowhere if you try to roll . Also , that leather or fake - leather or pleather or whatever it is makes your butt sweat . But the most dangerous and annoying quality of this chair is that if you lean back just the least little bit , IT TRIES TO TURN OVER BACKWARDS ! Uh huh . Just get your center of gravity back a tiny bit , and over you go ! Or at least you FEEL like you 're going over . It happens when you sit down , too . So you must be extra cautious , or put it up against the bed , and then try to make those five wheels roll you to the desk . I do not advise that method . You probably need a teenage boy called The Pony to stand behind you and make sure it doesn 't tip over . But don 't ask him to adjust the chair with that shiny lever that you can 't see down below the right arm . He will tell you he doesn 't want to mess with it and risk throwing you out of the chair . Perhaps you 've heard that Val enjoys a bit of gambling every now and then . What better time to hit the casino than when she 's on a holding pattern in Oklahoma , waiting for The Pony to finish his freshman orientation camp ? Especially when Riverwind Casino is just down the road , and Hick is here to drive her . We dropped off The Pony with a fluffy pillow , and a full suitcase on wheels , and headed 15 minutes down I - 35 to Riverwind Casino . Let the record show that Val did not have high hopes . No delusions of winning . After all , she rarely wins in Missouri casinos , and the Oklahoma casinos operated by the Indian Nations are unregulated . They can set their slots at zero payback if they so desire . The reviews left on various sites did nothing to pump Val with enthusiasm . Still ! It 's a CASINO ! Hick pulled into a the closest lot , with just a few cars , very near the door . I was sure it was the lot for valet parking , because there was a concrete barrier at the end closest to the door . AND about 60 % of the parking spots were labeled with handicap signs . I was sure Hick needed to get out of that lot before security - in - a - Gator turned on their sirens . Hick pointed out to poor simple Val that he was NOT in the wrong spot . As he backed up from the concrete barrier , he further pontificated that he was pretty sure valet parking would not let a man walk to his own car and back it out of the parking space Hick was now headed for . AND that space was one of three on that side of the lot that did not have a handicap sign . " It 's fine , Val . Nothing says we can 't park here . And it 's as close as we 're going to get to the door . " Let the record show that the temperature was 99 degrees . And that Hick never once considered dropping Val off at the door . Off a cliff , maybe . But not off at the door . So we parked in that just - vacated spot , and headed inside . I was quite impressed with the bathrooms , so large and full of stalls and tastefully decorated with stone and tile . The free soda fountain was not so welcoming . There were several of them throughout the casino , in little alcove rooms , and they only dispensed PEPSI PRODUCTS ! We fueled up on Diet Pepsi , and wandered off to scout the premises . I did not see my regular slots , of course . Not that I have any regular slots , only having been to the casino twice in the last 5 - 6 years . We didn 't see many appealing quarter machines , so I left Hick and found a penny machine . Of course to play max credits , it cost $ 1 . 80 ! That was 20 different win option payline thingies . Still a reel - to - reel , not a video machine . Wouldn 't you know it ? It kept hitting little jackpots , paying me back $ 1 . 00 for my $ 1 . 80 . And when I was down to $ 11 . 00 - and - something of my original $ 20 bill . . . it hit something kind of good . I don 't know what it was , because I didn 't understand the game . But I had two winning paylines , and something plus a 4X oval and a 2X oval . I was excited ! It kept going and going , that WIN PAYS digital counter . Of course it was dinging and dinging , and people were looking , but then they would see it was a penny machine . The housekeeping lady came by 3 times to check the trash can right beside me . Huh . That was curious . Because I was kind of a novelty for people to stare at , I sent Hick a text . " I just hit a good winner . I 'm going to leave this machine if you want to try it . " I knew he would come stand by me then . And he did . He sat down at the machine next to me and fed it a $ 20 . He had lost that , not even playing max credits , before my machine quit dinging . We tried to figure it out . It was counting up the win in pennies . Hick thought I won $ 50 , but it went right past that . After about 20 minutes ( but who was counting ) , the jackpot was finished . Let the record show that I won a jackpot of $ 112 . 00 on that play ! Of course , because I 'm Val , I did not take the money and run far , far away from those armless bandits . I tried a couple of quarter machines with no luck . Then found Hick again with a new kind of quarter machine that may or may not pay extra when some bingo numbers were hit . I tried reading the rules on another machine like that , but it got stuck and would not take me back to regular play , and I still had $ 17 . 00 in it ! Also , no attendants came by . Nope . It 's not like I was clanging a winner . They were scarce . Not even the housekeeping lady would come over . After about five minutes of inaction , with me poking various play buttons trying to get out of that rules screen , it went back to letting me play regular spins , and I lost my money quickly . So , at this machine next to Hick , I was having some fun . Again , it paid off here and there , and those surprise bingo spins excited me . I hit a couple of good jackpots on it that I cashed out . I did not , however , use my regular system of keeping track in my head of all the smaller pays , and save that money from my pocket . I was ready to quit after a $ 45 . 00 payout , but Hick was still button - pushing . So of course , to keep him company , I kept feeding my machine . Once Hick finally lost every bit of the money I had given him from my gambling fund , we headed for a cashier to cash out my tickets , because we did not know where the automatic ticket - cashing machines were . Let the record show that Val walked out the front door with $ 300 even from those tickets . Of course , it cost her $ 240 to win that $ 300 . Still , Val profited $ 60 on her Oklahoma casino adventure . Not exactly a high roller . Somehow , playing that last quarter machine , I earned an odd 1 cent . Must have been the bingo . I did not cash it out , but kept it for a souvenir . Hick also gave me HIS total winnings for the day . Which is not really a win , considering I gave him a considerably higher amount than that to play with . Thevictorians are in Norman , Oklahoma for an orientation camp at the University of Oklahoma for incoming freshman The Pony . It 's a three - day affair that 's occupying us for five . He 's all hyped - up about meeting new people , as much as The Pony gets hyped - up , and as much as he shows interest in people . It 's kind of like turning your heat up from 72 to 73 . Of course the trip has already been fraught with blog fodder ! Val , like Tina and Ike , never does anything nice and easy . Let 's begin our travelogue with today 's tale of The Last Night 's Supper . We got into town late . It was about a 10 - hour drive from Backroads , accounting for our bathroom / leg - stretching stops and lunch . We rolled into town at 5 : 30 , gathered our wits and belongings , checked into the Holiday Inn Express , and headed out for supper at 6 : 15 . The Pony and Hick chose Saltgrass Steak House , having eaten there before on their campus visit trip . I was eager to see what fine dining lay in store for me , as I watched us pass up a perfectly good Outback Steak House . Well . Let the record show that Val was not impressed . Come on ! Did you actually think there was going to be any other scenario ? That Val would feast upon succulent meat from an establishment where no animal was harmed in the making of her meal ? An eatery which served bottomless , free tankards of unicorn milk , and provided fluffy kittens for petting while dinner was being prepared ? No . You knew what you were in for by the second paragraph . Hick held the door open for me to enter . Alarm bells ! Let the record show that during the entire trip , Hick never once held open any other door for me . Not at rest stops , not at convenience stores , not at Steak N Shake ( where we had lunch and saw that tattoos were a requirement for the waitresses ) , not at the hotel . He only does this when he does not want to be the one to enter and make a decision when accosted by the greeter . We were escorted to our table and left to fend for ourselves . Which was a problem , what with me forgetting to bring my miner 's lamp . I swear . It was darker than McDougal 's Cave after Tom Sawyer and Becky Thatcher burned their last candle . I thought it was a joke . That surely that seater was going to turn on a light . But no . As she laid down the menus and left , I said , some might say passive - aggressively , " Thanks . I 'm not sure I can read in the dark . " Hick picked up his menu and told me my eyes would adjust . They did not . I held that menu seven ways to Sunday , trying to catch a glimmer of the sunset coming through a window on the periphery . No luck . I asked The Pony to read it to me . Even he had to twist and turn and catch an errant sunset beam to make it out . I decided on the marinated chicken breast with seasoned vegetables , and a Caesar salad , since The Pony read off my choices and said I was allowed a side and a salad . It was quite hard to hear him , even though he was sitting at my right hand . There was a raucous family group led by a boozy floozy to our right , and an obnoxious 3 - man , 1 - woman group next to them led by a raging bore . I don 't know why people in Oklahoma ( Val , the questionable artist , paints with a broad brush ) have to bellow each word at the top of their lungs , like calling a cowboy in from the north 40 , 000 when the dinner bell in broken . As the evening progressed , Raging Bore grew more and more vociferous . I saw him accept the server 's offer of another margarita . That was the third he 'd had since we came in , and from the sound of him , he 'd imbibed before our arrival . Val does not begrudge a patron his liquor . But his good time should stop before her bad time begins . He was telling stories about picking up girls , and not describing them in a very good light ( which had nothing to do with the darkness within that dining area ) . His buddies roared mercilessly with mirth . The gal went along with it , making me wonder how he was going to talk about her later . It was like a middle - aged frat party . At one point , Raging Bore bellowed , " And then she threatened to knock me out ! " Leading Val to declare , " I ' D like to knock him out ! " and Hick and The Pony to comment , " WHAT ? " Our drinks ( of the soft variety ) arrived , and a plate of bread . The Pony was on it like a locust on the Heartland . He had sliced off 2 / 3 of it , slathered his hunks with butter , and devoured them before Hick could pick up the knife . Hick finished it off , leading Val to declare , " That 's okay . I didn 't want any bread anyway . " And Hick to reply , " WHAT ? " The side salads and my Caesar arrived after a bit . Hick and The Pony 's were in large bowls with ranch dressing ( what ELSE would you choose in Oklahoma ? ) , and mine was on a square plate . Let the record show that the temperature of that plate was approximately - 272 degrees Celsius . ( A science aficionado will get that reference . ) I think they must have chilled it with liquid nitrogen . Caesar himself was limp , and thus unsatisfying . But the croutons were like 3 / 4 - inch minus , the stones of which driveways are made . Quite a contrast , between breaking my teeth off to nubs , and trying to swallow Caesar , who clung to my tonsils like Dracula wrapping himself in his cape to avoid the sun 's rays . The main course took so long that a different server came out to apologize . Gotta keep those tips coming , you know . I think he apologized . Because I couldn 't read his lips in the darkness , and I couldn 't hear his words over The Raging Bore Show . When our food finally came out , The Pony had regained his appetite after eating a loaf and a half of bread . Both Thevictorian guys declared by charade that their meals were fabulous . My marinated chicken was the best fowl I ever ate . The seasoned mixed vegetable , though , were shockingly seasonless . Bland ! With the taste of only . . . are you ready for this . . . VEGETABLES ! I had carrot coins , and green beans , and broccoli . They were passable , as long as I ate them with a bite of chicken . Nobody told me this healthy food quest was going to be so tasteless . And full of roughage . One green bean had an inch - long stem on the end . I tried to eat it . Let nothing go to waste . No need to get the vegetables steamed . But I simply could not chew that stick . Not after the croutons took my teeth . We didn 't get out of there until after 8 : 30 . When we got back to our hotel , I looked up the menu to make sure of the names of our dishes , so I would not violate the Truth in Blogging Law . Turns out those seasoned vegetables were actually SEASONAL vegetables ! Here 's the second round . I made The Pony take a picture before it was devoured again . However , he still got a slice before snapping that pic . Let the record show that Val did not partake of that carbohydratey goodness . She has been cutting back , you know . Her meal was marinated chicken with seasoned vegetables , and a Caesar salad . The Pony had an 8 oz ribeye with baked potato , and Hick had a 10 oz ribeye with grilled shrimp and a loaded baked potato . We ate at Saltgrass Steak House . It 's not like I can walk down to the corner shop and fill myself a barrel of Diet Coke . Val has to travel for her daily poison . It is a journey fraught with peril . Peril in the form of blood pressure shooting skyward like Jake - Gyllenhaal - as - Homer - Hickam 's last rocket in October Sky . Peril caused by people who do not show any interest in complying with the tenets set forth in Val 's road rule manifesto . The journey of five miles began with a single misstep . Oh , who are we kidding here ? There were enough missteps to account for a drunken millipede trying to walk a sobriety field test straight line ! I was nearly to the low water bridge when the first noncompliers caught my attention . Four cars and a van sat on the edge of the road . Unoccupied . Every now and then , we have a car of people who try to fish in the foot - deep water . Or a couple of cars where people have met up for some likely unlawful interactions . But this was FIVE vehicles . The van was not even a proper shaggin ' wagon , but of a type like the old VW bus , with its windows broken out . I looked down both sides of the creek as I crossed the bridge , and saw nary a passenger . On to town . A short detour to the Country Mart . Then back to the light to await my release to cross that intersection and procure my delicious daily beverage . A motorcycle was parked in my desired spot , but as I waited for the light to go green , the rider strolled out and picked up his helmet from the seat . He caressed it . Put it on his head . Caressed it some more . Climbed on his bike . Fiddled with the mirrors . My light changed , and that guy was still in MY rightful spot ! I drove around the building to my second favorite parking space . It 's by the air hose and dumpster . But NO ! I couldn 't get to it ! A truck hooked to a camper trailer better than a tiny house was trying to back up from that area because a truck pulling a gooseneck trailer holding a backhoe was parked there , the gooseneck still in the road behind the chicken store , while a guy crawled around putting air in the backhoe tires . I had to wait to make my left turn in , only to see the truck I was waiting on TAKE MY RIGHTFUL SPOT that had been vacated by the motorcycle . Alas . I had to park where I never park , way down front by where the fake 150th Backroads ' birthday cake was erected ( heh , heh , you know what I said ) last year . I got my soda and two scratch - off tickets , and on the way out , the door was held open for me by a former pupil who was coming in . He asked how I was doing , and I told him , " I have a big soda , and a couple lottery tickets , and IT ' S GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY ! " Only it wasn 't . Well . . . maybe later it was , when I won $ 40 on one of those tickets . But I didn 't yet know what traffic perils would befall me on the way home . Back at the low water bridge , the area was now teeming with little children swarming like army ants on the march . The van was now parked ON the bridge , all but blocking traffic both ways , with a canoe strapped to the top . ONE canoe . I assume it worked like a wobbly aquatic clown car with all those kids . I squeezed T - Hoe past that questionable exercise in child endangerment , and headed for EmBee and then home . But NO ! I did not stop for the mail , because there was a white compact car parked under the first No Trespassing sign , with a 44 oz foam cup on the ground by the passenger side , its plastic lid ajar , with the straw still poking through . Oh , the sodamanity ! Or the littermanity . The gal behind the steering wheel holding her phone to her nose gave me the side - eye as I drove past . ME ! The one who actually LIVES up in there ! Heh , heh , the joke was on her . That location gets worse reception than our President at a NASCAR race . Side - Eye 's boyfriend / husband / gay best friend / partner in crime was wading his beer belly through the middle of the creek , his athletic ( I use the term loosely ) shorts sagging to his buttcrack , tattoos fading the the sun . What was THIS ? Several hundred feet on up our gravel road , past the second No Trespassing sign , was a white truck pulling a lawnmower on a trailer parked IN the road . The driver climbed out , looked back at me , left the door open , and walked around the truck toward a little path to a shallow waterfall . A tryst , perhaps , with Beer Belly Tattoo ? Or stopping to take a whiz ? You can bet that guy does not live up in here . A liver would not bother to stop there , but go on to his place where he lives . Just take that mower on home . Not stop to adjust it or have a tryst with a tattooed beer belly guy or take a whiz . I must say , I was exhausted from that trip . Good thing I had 44 oz of pick - me - up right there in T - Hoe 's cup holder . Good thing I didn 't have a fifth of Jack Daniels ( for Hick , of course , that 's where I pick one up for him occasionally , Val herself being a teetotaler ) in my other hand when that former pupil held the gas station chicken store door open for me . Oh , the " no film at 11 : 00 " part is true enough . But Val was not really in danger of losing her feet . Was that too sensational , that headline title ? Never mind . I 've got you now . I have been having some foot trouble . That 's right . FOOT trouble . But I am not going to make a visit to The Good Feet Store . Only one of us here at the homestead can afford THAT establishment . That 's the guy who regularly takes us to Shackytown . I oughta blast that one - hit wonder and tell Hick to Lipps - Inc it during the tours at the grand opening of my proposed handbasket factory . Yes . Foot trouble . And I am not going to visit a spa where fish eat the dead skin from my tootsies , nor coat my soles with Vicks Vaporub overnight as I sleep . Either would be cheaper than Hick 's inserts from The Good Feet Store , though . The most effort I 've put into curing what ails my barkin ' dogs so far is to apply a tiny bit of triple antibiotic ointment . I don 't know that it will help , but surely it can 't hurt . It 's not that my feet ache . They feel fine . But they don 't look normal . No pictures . Ain 't nobody got a hankerin ' to see FOOT pictures unless they 're one of them there folks who . . . um . . . how you say . . . really , really love feet . My feet are spotted . That 's right . Spotted . It started with the left foot . About two days ago , I noticed two spots . Red . Not bumpy . Not itchy . Perhaps a tiny bit rough on top . Kind of round , but mostly irregular . They were about the size of a Cheerio . I would not even have noticed if I didn 't look at my feet when I took off my socks . The second day , I had four spots on the top of my left foot . About halfway from the end of my toes to the beginning of my ankle . Again , they were not painful or itchy . I figured maybe a little insect critter had got into my sock when I went out on the porch to play with Puppy Jack . This morning , I noticed four corresponding spots on the top of my right foot . What . The . EFFFFFF ? I called The Pony to look at them , even though I 'm not sure I would have done the same for him . I hate feet , you know . As you also know , The Pony doesn 't care about helping people . But he came running . Not that he was eager , but he was gaming , and wanted to spend as little time as necessary pretending he had empathy . " Oh . I hadn 't noticed that . I hope it 's not shingles or something . That 's along the nerves , I think . They would be in the same place on each foot . " " Yeah . Me either . Oh , well . I 'm going to put a little triple antibiotic ointment on there . Just in case . That might help those spots heal . I hope I didn 't pick up ringworm from Jack . Not that he has it . " Let the record show that I also consulted Hick , who said , " I don 't know . I 'm not a doctor . " Huh ! After giving advice on everything else under the sun , and even telling me when I was on bed rest for a week while pregnant with The Pony , " I 'm sure the doctor didn 't mean by ' bed rest ' that you couldn 't stand up for a half hour a day to make supper and do the dishes . " Yeah . He wasn 't a doctor then , either , but it didn 't stop him from giving an opinion . My dark basement lair has fallen into disrepair . Some of the tiles are cracked and broken . I have one of those clear chair mat thingies . The day before , The Pony moved it for me . Pulled it back out from under my corner desk to cover those broken tiles . " There . Does it roll better now ? " It did . Funny thing , though . I run a little electric heater under my desk . Even though it may be 95 degrees outside , the lair has a bit of a chill . You may recall how I had trouble previously because my chair would not stay at the desk , but kept rolling back , and The Pony pointed out that the chair mat was warped from the heater . Now I didn 't roll , because the mat was repositioned . Let the record show that I began smelling a burnt odor . Let the record further show that The Pony lights a candle every afternoon , which may or may not have something to do with what people do in the NASCAR bathroom on the other side of my lair wall . I figured I was smelling the burnt - out match . But it continued . After I 'd been down there a couple of hours , I told him " Pony . I think I 'm burning up this mat again . I think the heater is charring a new warp that 's now sticking up in front of it . " Indeed , there was an area that was a little bit brown . Just like the old warped area . Which , you may think , is neither here nor there . " Why is Val taking us down this rabbit trail when we were talking about her foot spots ? I swear , I don 't have time for all this filler when I drop by to read a post ! " Well , it just so happens that today when I sat down at my chair on my newly repositioned mat in my dark basement lair , I happened to look down and behold my red Crocs . With their little irregularly - shaped Croc - holes positioned right where those four spots occurred on each foot . The part of the foot that fit snugly in the Crocs , halfway between the end of the toes , and the ankles . I might have mentioned that I stop by the cemetery at least once a week . How Mom made it so easy , what with planning my dad 's interment , and the double plot , to be conveniently located between my homestead and Walmart . AND in a row right beside an internal road , so I don 't even have to get out . I stopped by yesterday on my way to the bank , and was relieved to see that the ground was undisturbed . Yes , every day I think about Mom . Something happens that I want to share with her , or run by her , or simply commiserate about with her . And Wednesday , I encountered an issue that would be sure to set Mom turning . See that ? THAT is what is passed off as slaw mix these days ! By DOLE . Not even by a store brand . Name brand slaw mix cannot even come in a bag with proper slaw - size pieces ! I don 't buy a bag of slaw mix so I can mount a search for a Salad Shooter and pare it down to the proper dimensions ! I am buying a bag of slaw mix for convenience ! I am not buying salad . And I am not buying expensive extra work for myself . If I wanted to chop up my own slaw mix , I would buy a head of cabbage and some carrots and . . . um . . . whatever else goes into slaw . But not that purple stuff . I hate it . So look what we have here . Some extra - thick slabs from near the cabbage core . And some parts of cabbage leaves that could be stuffed to make cabbage rolls . At the 3 : 00 area of the plate , notice the proper size for strands of slaw mix . They should not be too thick , too leafy , or too long . Goldilocks needs to write a review of this slaw mix . I use this to make my before - mentioned BBQ slaw . Dump some in a bowl , pour on a little BBQ sauce , and you 're in business ! A tasty , tangy side dish for chicken or pork or as a hamburger topping . Can you imagine a serving of slaw made of these gargantuan segments ? I cannot . Unless , perhaps , it would be in a Hungry Man frozen TV dinner . And slaw doesn 't freeze well . Val is not my real name . I was H . S . valedictorian . Then I became a teacher . A student thought I claimed to be Val , the victorian . |
In that , I had Gonzo make a comment to Kermit which implied that the constant in ( and out ) fighting that he and Piggy did would sometimes split the Muppets as a whole into Team Kermit or Team Piggy ( and sometimes Neutral ) . It was an idea that occurred to me while writing the second story and seemed to bloom from there . Also , in planning and writing this , I realized that I 'm kinda telling a one - sided story here , but after careful thinking I realized that we get a glimpse of the other side in the 2011 movie . " Okay , you 're right , " the weirdo confirmed . " I 'm not . Been wanting to do that for years , actually . But can you blame me ? Do you know how many of us have been lined up to punch you in the face over this ? " " No , " Gonzo said , seriously . " And you should be glad it was me and not one of the others . I don 't think you 're aware at how loyal some of us are to Piggy over you . " Click to expand . . . Things had been in a state of literal free fall for the group known collectively as The Muppets ; professionally , their popularity was waning despite their last few endeavors to the contrary . But even those endeavors seemed to be less than stellar and their profit margins showed it . They were most certainly in a professional slump , however that wasn 't the whole picture . True , professionally they weren 't on top any more , but they still had enough fans that tuned in to whatever project they did , regardless if it was good or not . That wasn 't the problem . The problem wasn 't on screen , it was off . The dynamic that had made the group so popular in the first place seemed to be fractured , splintered , and plain just coming apart at the seams . Also in attendance was the group 's self - proclaimed leading lady , Miss Piggy . Well before their first show , Piggy had deemed herself the star and dared anyone to prove her wrong ; while she could often run afoul both cast , crew , and guest star , the diva not only had acting ability but popularity . The others often called her their head of and single resident of their marketing department . The Monday morning meeting had become somewhat of a tradition and would be held regardless of location and regardless of who showed up . It was the Monday morning meeting when the first big cracks started showing up in the group . Kermit and Piggy were two halves of a relationship that most people didn 't understand , not even the two who were in the relationship . They were known for not only being a loving couple , but also being a combative one ; no argument was too big or too small for them to get into and any place and anywhere were perfect times for them to start arguing . And maybe that 's why the rest of the group , so used to their arguments anyway , were too slow on the uptake to see that there was anything wrong . Kermit was a fairly private person , especially when it came to the state of his affairs , while Piggy was very grandiose in her overatures that when the hammer dropped , it sent shockwaves throughout . " Cool it , cats , ' Dr . Teeth rumbled . Normally a very outgoing and gregeious individual , even he was tiring of the constant arguments that seemed to plague every meeting he attended . In fact , he planned on telling the others that this would be the last one he would attend ; he had conned his band 's bassist to at least take the next one until their gig officially started in Vegas . " Right , " the frog sighed . The state of Muppet affairs had been weighing on him for quite some time , years maybe , and truthfully he was becoming a bit more agitated than normal . Opening his mouth to say something , he looked around instead asking , " Where 's Gonzo ? " Kermit turned to reply , but was interrupted by Scooter 's mumbled , " Here we go . " Leaning back in his chair , the younger Muppet groused , " Are we gonna listen to you two argue all meeting ? Cause I have stuff to do . " " Hey , " Rowlf said . Like Dr . Teeth , Rowlf 's mood had slowly soured when attending these meetings and he often found himself giving out stern warnings to the trio that usually sat at their head of their table . " Be nice . " Waiting to see if Scooter would say anything in return - he usually didn 't - he went on with , " Go on , Piggy . " " Thank you , Rowlf , " the diva whispered , demurely . Clearing her throat , Piggy was all set to read the speech that she had so carefully wrote out and memorized for this very moment . As prepared as she thought she would be , it was clear that she really wasn 't . On the second try , she managed to get out the most important aspect of that speech . It wouldn 't have been the first time that Piggy had branched out on her own , they all did , but eventually they would all come back together again for whatever new project came their way . But this was the end , at least for her , of the joy ride that had started way back in Bogen County when she ran across a frog , a bear , and a whatever . And the statement itself was so far out of right field that no one reacted for a good two minutes ; not even Kermit who should 've been the most aware of what Piggy was doing , seeing as he lived in the same house . " Well , " Piggy giggled , nervously . " A star like Moi can 't be to … um … attached to one thing or another . Must … must move on and all that . " " You know , " Piggy quipped . " Most people would say ' goodbye ' , oh but not you . No , no , ' goodbye ' would be beneath you . Sounds similar to have your nights have been lately . " " And just like that , " Scooter muttered , standing to get himself a cup of coffee . " This conversation has taken a turn towards mental torture . Glad you 're sleeping , Frog , cause the rest won 't be able to now . " Is there more ? Sorry , bit tired . But good start reintroducing the main players the way you did . Thanks and keep posting cause we want to keep reading . In that , I had Gonzo make a comment to Kermit which implied that the constant in ( and out ) fighting that he and Piggy did would sometimes split the Muppets as a whole into Team Kermit or Team Piggy ( and sometimes Neutral ) . It was an idea that occurred to me while writing the second story and seemed to bloom from there . Also , in planning and writing this , I realized that I 'm kinda telling a one - sided story here , but after careful thinking I realized that we get a glimpse of the other side in the 2011 movie . Things had been in a state of literal free fall for the group known collectively as The Muppets ; professionally , their popularity was waning despite their last few endeavors to the contrary . But even those endeavors seemed to be less than stellar and their profit margins showed it . They were most certainly in a professional slump , however that wasn 't the whole picture . True , professionally they weren 't on top any more , but they still had enough fans that tuned in to whatever project they did , regardless if it was good or not . That wasn 't the problem . The problem wasn 't on screen , it was off . The dynamic that had made the group so popular in the first place seemed to be fractured , splintered , and plain just coming apart at the seams . Also in attendance was the group 's self - proclaimed leading lady , Miss Piggy . Well before their first show , Piggy had deemed herself the star and dared anyone to prove her wrong ; while she could often run afoul both cast , crew , and guest star , the diva not only had acting ability but popularity . The others often called her their head of and single resident of their marketing department . The Monday morning meeting had become somewhat of a tradition and would be held regardless of location and regardless of who showed up . It was the Monday morning meeting when the first big cracks started showing up in the group . Kermit and Piggy were two halves of a relationship that most people didn 't understand , not even the two who were in the relationship . They were known for not only being a loving couple , but also being a combative one ; no argument was too big or too small for them to get into and any place and anywhere were perfect times for them to start arguing . And maybe that 's why the rest of the group , so used to their arguments anyway , were too slow on the uptake to see that there was anything wrong . Kermit was a fairly private person , especially when it came to the state of his affairs , while Piggy was very grandiose in her overatures that when the hammer dropped , it sent shockwaves throughout . " Cool it , cats , ' Dr . Teeth rumbled . Normally a very outgoing and gregeious individual , even he was tiring of the constant arguments that seemed to plague every meeting he attended . In fact , he planned on telling the others that this would be the last one he would attend ; he had conned his band 's bassist to at least take the next one until their gig officially started in Vegas . " Right , " the frog sighed . The state of Muppet affairs had been weighing on him for quite some time , years maybe , and truthfully he was becoming a bit more agitated than normal . Opening his mouth to say something , he looked around instead asking , " Where 's Gonzo ? " Kermit turned to reply , but was interrupted by Scooter 's mumbled , " Here we go . " Leaning back in his chair , the younger Muppet groused , " Are we gonna listen to you two argue all meeting ? Cause I have stuff to do . " " Hey , " Rowlf said . Like Dr . Teeth , Rowlf 's mood had slowly soured when attending these meetings and he often found himself giving out stern warnings to the trio that usually sat at their head of their table . " Be nice . " Waiting to see if Scooter would say anything in return - he usually didn 't - he went on with , " Go on , Piggy . " " Thank you , Rowlf , " the diva whispered , demurely . Clearing her throat , Piggy was all set to read the speech that she had so carefully wrote out and memorized for this very moment . As prepared as she thought she would be , it was clear that she really wasn 't . On the second try , she managed to get out the most important aspect of that speech . It wouldn 't have been the first time that Piggy had branched out on her own , they all did , but eventually they would all come back together again for whatever new project came their way . But this was the end , at least for her , of the joy ride that had started way back in Bogen County when she ran across a frog , a bear , and a whatever . And the statement itself was so far out of right field that no one reacted for a good two minutes ; not even Kermit who should 've been the most aware of what Piggy was doing , seeing as he lived in the same house . " Well , " Piggy giggled , nervously . " A star like Moi can 't be to … um … attached to one thing or another . Must … must move on and all that . " " You know , " Piggy quipped . " Most people would say ' goodbye ' , oh but not you . No , no , ' goodbye ' would be beneath you . Sounds similar to have your nights have been lately . " " And just like that , " Scooter muttered , standing to get himself a cup of coffee . " This conversation has taken a turn towards mental torture . Glad you 're sleeping , Frog , cause the rest won 't be able to now . " Click to expand . . . The Great Gonzo was in top spirits . He had just come from the orthopedics ' office with the good news that he hadn 't completely shattered something in his leg ; he was of course given the warning that any more stunts and he 'd find himself in a full body cast and that he was crazy , stupid , or both if he continued , but Gonzo brushed it off . He was a daredevil ! Crazy and stupid were requirements and he took those requirements seriously . In hindsight , it meant that he missed the morning office meeting , but he was headed over to the head honcho 's house anyway , where he hoped to get all the details . Rowlf had sent him a cryptic text message stating that he had missed a dozy of a meeting and that he should probably talk to Piggy at some point . As strange as that was , Gonzo certainly didn 't mind speaking to Piggy ; he had no idea about what and really wished the piano playing dog had thrown him a bone in that department . " I was actually looking for Boss Frog , " he replied , walking in and closing the door behind him . " Apparently I missed one heck of a meeting this morning . " Noticing the luggage by the door , he then asked , " You going somewhere ? " " Does it look like I 'm joking , Gonzo ? " came her reply . She had busied herself with removing clothing - hers - from the closet , folding them , and putting them in the suitcase on the bed . " Piggy , I 'm serious , " Gonzo stressed . Did she not know the consequences this decision could have ? On everyone ? " You cannot do this . This will destroy Kermit . " " Oh yes , " Piggy replied , cynically . " The frog is in such dire straits . Let us think about Kermit in all of this because we know how much Kermit is suffering here . " " Well of course you are , " the diva shot back . " I haven 't known you to do anything else since I first met you . I 'm surprised anything else gets through ! " That stunned him , probably more than it actually hurt him . In all the years they had known each other , Piggy had never once thrown Gonzo 's feelings for her back at him . Oh , she may have been annoyed by them , irritated by them , and maybe even a bit bemused , but she had never been so callous as to throw those feelings back in his face before . Whatever fight Piggy had left in her seem to deflate almost immediately . She wasn 't angry at Gonzo , certainly he knew that , but even still she had surprised herself with her own words . Leaning against the wall next to the closet , she whispered , " I 'm sorry . " " Yes ! " Gonzo exclaimed . " Yes , he is ! He is one of my best friends and I love him , but I love you too . Some days , I have to force myself not to punch him in the face for the way he 's treated you over the years and I 'm not the only one . You have no idea how many of us would side with you over Kermit , in a heartbeat , any time and any day of the week . " And in thinking that , the small little kernel of happiness was quickly swallowed by the mouth of despair . She didn 't want the others to take sides , especially in something of this magnitude ! Fights between her and Kermit , while legendary , were often fairly short and easily resolved , but this was a fight like no other . Never had she threatened or even planned to ever leave him or the Muppets , not like she was doing now and she couldn 't think of one time in which Kermit had been as callous to her as he had in the last couple of weeks . " Sweetie , " Gonzo cooed . " It 's already happened . " Glancing away for a moment , he whispered , " It 's never been this bad before . " Immediately , Gonzo 's blue turned back to her at the same time his eyes narrowed . " Like what ? " he asked . The entire world may have thought Kermit the Frog was the nicest guy ever to come out of Mississippi , but he could also be a petty jerk when he wanted to be . " Oh you know , " she sighed . " That he would never marry me , ever , for as long as we both should live . Which kinda makes this - " she gestured around the room . " monstrosity sorta null and void . " " I don 't understand that frog , " Gonzo muttered . " Half the world 's male population would give their right arm for just an hour with you and he 's going to throw away years . ? ! " Balling a fist and hitting his other hand , he asked , " Where is Kermit , anyway ? " " I won 't say a word , " the daredevil protested . " I 've already forgotten this whole conversation , well , the part about Scooter anyway . " Watching her go back and forth , taking out clothing and putting it in the suitcase made things all the more real to him ; she hadn 't once called him ' buzzard beak ' , ' weirdo ' , ' letch ' , or even ' freak monkey ' the entire time he had been there . This time , it was the diva 's turn to sigh . Shaking her head as she folded a blouse and placed it on top of the other items , she whispered , " I honestly don 't know . I can 't stay here , obviously , and I don 't think staying in California or New York is a good idea either . " " You know , " Gonzo replied , seriously . " You could make him leave . This is your house , after all . Besides , you should probably decide something soon ; you don 't exactly pack light , Princess . " She had to smirk at that ; leave it to Gonzo to find some comedy in all of this . " Yes , " she drawled . " Because that would 've been a match made in heaven . " " Nothing says nutrition like that , " he said . Giving her shoulder a squeeze , he released her and stood up . " C ' mon , I 'll buy you lunch and with any luck we can avoid the frog like the plague . " Nothing stayed a secret in Hollywood , especially if you were a group like the Muppets . News of Piggy 's announcement had rippled throughout the entrie group and just as Gonzo had predicted , the battle lines were already being drawn . There was one side who thought Kermit in the right for kicking the pretentious pig out , surprised that he had waited so long and then there was the other side that thought Piggy should 've dropped Kermit like a bad habit a long time ago . The power trio , for instance , which consisted of Fozzie , Gonzo , and Kermit seemed to have splintered in the last couple of months . Fozzie , who always felt inadequate as a comic and could experience near panicked stated of nervousness , seemed to be a creative slump . His routines , which could sometimes fall flat , were falling faster than a dime off the Empire State Building and the bear seemed to be withdrawing into himself as of late . He had even surprised Kermit by taking smaller parts in their couple of films . Normally , Gonzo or Kermit could easily pick the bear back up , but the two were dealing with their own problems . Gonzo , who may have seen the oncoming storm , had begun to move in a different direction in terms of his life . He and Camilla were having some serious conversations as of late in regards to just how far they could take the whole ' boyfriend / girlfriend ' thing before it began to implode the way Kermit and Piggy 's relationship seemed to be . In the midst of that , the stuntman had unexpectantly found a kindred spirit in that of Rizzo the Rat , one of their recurring characters from their show days . Truth be told , he had never truly gotten over the death of his good friend Jim Henson and then another one of their crew members had died and the whole thing had saddened the group as a whole . It was Jim 's death however that seemed to devastate both Kermit and Rowlf , who had known the man from the beginning and had worked with him then as well . WebMistressGina , Their take on a Christmas Carol had been the first project they had done without the two of them and working with new people , while okay and decent , wasn 't the same . Kermit hadn 't been too surprised when Rowlf declined to have a role in the production , choosing instead to work behind the scenes on the musical score instead . In fact , that had been Rowlf 's primary role for the last few projects they had done ; the frog was starting to envy him a bit . Kermit would have much rather hid behind the scenes too , but he couldn 't . He was the de facto face of the Muppets and any new project they did would need to have him in it . Even when he tried switching the focus on someone else , he still felt the very need to be involved in just more than production or directing . Thank Heavens for Gonzo ; the weirdo was born to be in front of an audience and he didn 't care what the audience was as long as he had one . And speaking of hams , the frog didn 't think he had ever been more shocked at Piggy 's behavior than he had been that Monday morning . She could 've knocked him over with a feather when she stated she was leaving - she hadn 't even bothered to tell him she was leaving . Though , to be honest , he shouldn 't have been so shocked ; their personal lives always managed to invade their professional ones and vice versa . That was the number one reason he had always been reluctant to pursue anything with her . She was a smart pig and well on top of the rumor mill called Hollywood , surely she was aware of just how many couples didn 't make it because they couldn 't balance their two different lives . People didn 't even do it in normal business and work environments , but Piggy was insistent , persistent in the hopes of trying . He should 've known moving in with her was a bad idea . In fact , he had known and his stupid heart and stupid male libido had overridden his brain before he could stop them . Oh , it had worked for a while - during the days after Jim 's death , that house had been a refuge for him . She had thought well in advance that he liked his privacy and unless they were invited , no one got in . There were times when even he could hear sounds of little figs running around the house . But after Jim died , it felt like a part of Kermit died too . Jim had been such a great instrument in helping this motely band of creatures find their start , for him and Rowlf particularly , that it was hard , painful to imagine trying to go without that . But Kermit did just that . For a while , the notion that Jim nor Richard Hunt - their second loss - would want them to sit around and wallow when there were people out there who were hurting just as much as they were . Maybe he hadn 't taken enough time to mourn , maybe he was juggling too many things , maybe it was some midlife crisis for frogs , he didn 't know ; all of sudden , one day , he just didn 't want to do this anymore . He didn 't want to work behind the scenes , he didn 't want to work in front of the camera , he didn 't want to play , and he didn 't want to be bothered . He was aware that years from now , he 'd probably find that notion silly and laugh at how stupid he was , but the time was now and his frustrations were mounting . Now he had to deal with the aftermath . What he thought would happen , he didn 't know , but he certainly hadn 't thought that Piggy would leave completely . She had certainly left him plenty of times , just as he had left her , but within an hour to a week 's time , they 'd be back together , good as new . Piggy had never just left , even if she did her own thing , she came back . Everyone always came back . And was it his imagination or were they all fighting more than before ? Sure , on occasion , they 'd each get into their own inner circle squabbling , but it seemed they were drifting further and further away from being friends . Kermit had gotten the sense that Gonzo was mad at him and not just mad , completely irritated and annoyed with him . He chalked it up to Piggy and at this point , if Gonzo wanted her , he could have her as far as he was concerned . Then there was Scooter . Kermit could not , for the life of him , ever remember the younger Muppet being as moody and temperamental as he had been in the last month and the days after Piggy 's announcement , it was as though the former go - fer barely tolerated being around the frog , like the only reason he was there was because Kermit was forcing him to go to work . And it wasn 't just the two of them either . It was just like Piggy to try and split the group apart to garner sympathy for her cause . Well Kermit had plenty of friends too and if the ones he thought he could count on had turned on him , so be it . Showed him how much loyalty they obviously never had to him . Maybe he was being moody and irrational , but the whole thing had pushed Kermit over . Did no one understand the things he did for them ? Was he not a good enough leader , a good enough friend , that people could at least back him up in saying that the pig didn 't understand the term ' too much ' ? A little part of him did admit that maybe , just maybe , some of his actions could have lead her on and that really and truly , he did love her in all her diva - ish ways , but his inner child was much too indignant to even talk to that part of him . Who knew how many wonderful and beautiful women he could have dated if not for her ? Even when not together , everyone thought they were together . Surely , if she knew and loved him , she wouldn 't have gotten him a sports car . When had he ever been in a sports car ? " No , no , " he continued . " Must preserve the image of Kermit and Piggy . " Floyd Pepper and Janice Bennington , bass and lead guitarist of the Electric Mayhem , had been in the music studio , fooling around on different riffs and tracks . They were taking some down time before their big gig that Dr . Teeth had planned in Las Vegas for them in the upcoming week . Truthfully , the studio was the one place anyone could escape from the ongoing tiff that Pepper was calling , " Battle of the Bosses " . " But I don 't want to ! " the blonde exclaimed . " I hate having to choose sides . That 's why I 'm pleading the fifth from now on ; I 'm firming committed to being Switzerland in all this . " Floyd couldn 't help but shake his head at her . It was hard not to take sides , or bets , when the two major players went head to head and this looked to be a huge knock down , dragged out fight . The group was always effected when Kermit was down or depressed and they always tried to flee in terror when Piggy was in any kind of mood other than happy , but this was a beast of a different species and for some of them , it tore them up . " Ah , leave her alone , Floyd , " Rowlf said , playing a little tune on the piano he sat at . " You know the isle of neutrality doesn 't like conflict . " He chuckled when a piece of crumbled up composition paper struck him on the arm , curtesy of Janice . Rowlf was himself shocked to hear that . Fozzie and Gonzo were not only Kermit 's best friends , but best friends themselves ; like Floyd , he had never seen them get into even a disagreement much less what the two of them were describing . " Who else was there ? " " Scooter , " Janice said , sighing . " Not that he was stopping it or anything . He and Gonzo ended up tag teaming the poor guy before Link came over and stuck his big snout in it … " " Before you knew it , " Floyd took over . " There was a huge Team Kermit vs Team Piggy fight . Sam the Eagle had to break it up ; I wouldn 't be surprised if he didn 't send everyone to their dressing rooms without dinner . " " No way , man , " the bassist replied . " The thing was bringing my girl down and that brought me down . That 's when we high tailed it over here . " Essentially , I wanna tie it all back in with what we know from the 2011 movie , like why Gonzo went back to plumbing , how Scooter got to Google , why Piggy was in France , etc . Ironically , I was actually going to do separate stories on each , but then figured as long as I 'm doing this , why not combine ? Los Count said : You know , I really don 't know . I think I originally came with Hollingsworth , which I think I either forgot or thought sounded way too much like the last name I came up with for Piggy in Schotsky 's . Not that anyone knows her by that name . Yeah , this is kinda a downer story , which replaced Scooter 's downer story . Would it make everyone happy if I made an effort on either 6 Ball or the next Piggy adventure ? I promise good times are coming . Piggy rolled her eyes . " I 'm guessing it was about us , " she said . " And I can tell by that ever so helpful and happy tone of yours that you think I 'm somehow at fault for it . " " Piggy , " he cried , exasperated . " I never said that I thought you were behind this ! Why do you always … ? " Stopping himself from finishing the sentence , Kermit instead took a deep breath . " I 'm not going to get into this with you . Now I called you in here because I 'm hoping that we can pretend to be civil to each other for fifteen minutes while we straighten this entire mess out . " " Andrew , " Piggy stressed . She was going to have words with him and soon . " We are done when Kermit says we are done . Don 't be rude . " Looking to Kermit , she asked , " Are we done ? " " Yes , " he huffed . " Yes , we 're done . Not that anyone seems to care about anything anymore ! So yes , you are all free to leave and never come back as far as I care . You know what ? I 'll even first ! " " No , " Gonzo corrected . " I promised that I wouldn 't punch Kermit in the face and so far , I haven 't laid a fuzzy blue digit on him . Fozzie and I had a small disagreement , that 's all that was . If you want to blame someone for what happened … " Gonzo pointed to Scooter , who instantly turned to face him . " Thanks a lot , Gonzo , " he sneered . " Throw me under another bus why don 't you ? " " Hey ! " Piggy exclaimed , shutting the other two up immediately . The last thing they wanted for her to be angry at them . " I am leaving in two days and I would appreciate it if I was able to leave without thinking the two of you are planning on blowing up my house with the frog still in it . " Now you , " she continued , pointing at Gonzo . " Are going to find Fozzie and apologize with sweets . And you , " she then pointed at Scooter . " Are coming with me . " " I don 't care , " she countered . Gesturing towards him , she concluded with , " You . Me . Words . We 're having them , now come on . " But fights never lasted long , which was why these upcropping of fights had been driving the bear to distraction . The worst offenders were of course Kermit and Miss Piggy . Granted , the two of them always fought , but it had never culminated in either one of them leaving before . Chasing down the frog had been relatively easy ; he and Kermit used to sit in the balconies of the Muppet Theatre just to get a break from the craziness that often made up their productions . It had become a tradition to meet up there at least every few days , just to catch up . It didn 't take the bear long to find Kermit sulking in one of the balcony seats , stewing and just waiting to unleash it to the first person that approached him . " It 's ridiculous , " he was muttering . " This whole thing . " Turning to the newcomer as he took the seat next to him , he continued with , " I 'm well aware she 's not behind of any of this , but do you think anyone cares ? Of course not ! Can you imagine what 's going to happen should any reporter get a hold of what 's going on here ? Cripes , if that sleezy Scribbler gets so much of a whiff of this … " " I know he wouldn 't , Fozzie , " the frog said , starting up again . " It 's like you 're the only loyal person I 've got . You think I don 't hear how half this group thinks I 've just been breaking Piggy 's heart for the entire time we 've known each other ? You know , she 's broken my heart on a few occasions too , not that anyone would be bothered to know that . If I 'm not breaking her heart , she 's breaking mine ; she 's breaking it now . " If there had been one person other than the pig who Kermit could confide in , it was the bear , and he had just laid out a major confession . This whole thing was killing him , too ! Oh , he had held on to his dignity and his very prideful manner for the first few weeks after ' the words that should never be mentioned ' were uttered , but after that , his heart ached at what he knew was his fault , entirely . Since then , he had been racking his brain with ways in which he could make this up to her . " It 's not your fault , Fozzie , " he whispered . " We certainly never intended for people to start taking sides , that 's the last thing we want . " Sighing deeply , he whispered , " Maybe it is time to take a break . Or maybe it just wasn 't meant to be . We have done everything wrong … " Gonzo had left to go home for a short break before trying to find Fozzie and offer him his choice of tasty sweets . The bear loved his sweets and it was common knowledge that he could easily be bribed or bought just by putting a plate of cookies , cupcakes , snacks , anything in front of him . Waiting for him at home was his longtime girlfriend , Camilla Clucks . The two of them had met while working on the Muppet Show and Gonzo had made a point of making a pass at her every time he saw her . As strange as it may have looked or seemed , the two of them clicked . Camilla 's patience and understanding made her the perfect long suffering girlfriend to a crazed stuntman , while Gonzo 's uniqueness and uncompromising enthusiasm had attracted the chicken from the beginning . Camilla was very much a stage chicken , hence why she normally declined to participate in many of the movies ; lately , she and Gonzo had been discussing not only making their relationship more permanent but adding to it as well . Because of that , Camilla had decided to take a short retirement to work on some other projects , things she hadn 't been able to do and really , just have some old fashioned girl time . With the chicken not on set , she usually heard about the Muppet implosion from Gonzo when he came home . So far , she was aware that Kermit and Piggy were going through a very tough and very hurtful break up , something that must have culminated in Piggy 's deciding to leave . Camilla and Piggy , while not usually together , did enjoy some girl talk every once in a while . Ironically , the two did share a few common traits - they both felt they were Queen Bee in the Muppet circle , they were both beautiful , smart , and touch , and of course they were also dating their fellow co - stars . Camilla was of course aware that Gonzo 's feelings for Piggy teetered between platonic and not so platonic and initially , she thought the pig a rival , until the two realized their eyes and hearts were on two different prizes . " Of course I love her , " Gonzo replied , passing through the living room to that of the kitchen . " You know I love her . " Popping his head out around the doorjamb , he asked , " You don 't mean , ' in love ' , do you ? " " C ' mon Cami , " he chastised , coming from the kitchen and taking a seat across from her . " Don 't be that way . Haven 't I told you that I want to be the father of all our little wickens ? " That caused her to laugh . When they first broached the subject of the possibility of them having a family together , Gonzo went out of his way to figure out the best word that was a combination of ' weirdo ' and ' chicken ' . He had stated , " Look , if the frog and pig can have bouncing baby figs or pogs , certainly we can have wickens . " She clucked at him , still trying to control her laughter . That was just another reason why she loved him so , he always made her laugh . " No we did not decide to call them chickdos , " he argued . " I clearly remember saying wickens . " She then corrected him on the saying . " Oh I 'm sorry , " he said . " Whickens . " Camilla would have been content to sit there and laugh all day with him , but she knew him too well . He may have threatened to punch the frog through a wall or just get the two of them married off and done with , but this rift that was happening to the power couple , that was happening to Gonzo , was affecting him just as much as anyone else . Okay , so performing hadn 't enticed him as much as she thought it would . Camilla then went to the old stand by and that was to remind the weirdo that , if he wanted , he could hung up his cape and put away his canons . So , she told him just how well off they were should he decide that . " We have that much saved up ? " he asked , surprised . Leave it to Camilla to start making a financial nest egg for the both of them ; he was a lucky guy for sure . " You obviously need to just sweep me off my feet and make an honest weirdo out of me . " " I will not marry you for your money , " he countered , pulling up as much of an indignant reply as he could . " I love you for your body , let 's get that straight right now . " The hit she gave his arm didn 't deter him . " Never seen finer legs on a chicken … " he went on , laughing when she tried to pounce on him and tickle him . They tousled for a bit before Gonzo caught her up in his arms and hugged her tightly . When he finished , he didn 't let go , instead taking a more comfortable position on their couch . Camilla turned her head , asking him if he had any ideas , if what he was thinking was what she thought he was thinking . " I could go back to plumbing , " he whispered . " Make an honest go of it this time . I actually am a pretty decent plumber when , you know , I 'm not trying to perform my act at the same time . Maybe … maybe it 's time to grow up , huh ? " " And that 's why I love you , baby , " he said , grinning at her . No one could do a better rousing speech than Camilla , at least for him . Sometimes , she even managed to put Kermit to shame in that area . " Okay , we 'll do that then . It 's gonna tear Rizzo up though . " " Very cute , " he chuckled . " You know very well that Piggy fits in the frienemy category and not the girlfriend one . If anyone should have her in that category , it 's Scooter . " She took the liberty to remind them of the recent bet he 'd managed to finally pay up . " Hey , I thought it too , " he replied . His face took on a grimace before he said , " Geez , this must be tearing the kid up inside . You know how close he is to those two ; this must feel like a bitter divorce to him , only that Kermit and Piggy kinda forgot to fight over him in the custody battle . And us for that matter . " When Camilla asked about the Muppets in general , Gonzo 's reply was disappointing and disheartening to hear . " I don 't know , " he sighed . " But we need to get out before it gets really bad . Not to say that things aren 't bad right now , but I don 't think I want to be around once Piggy 's gone . You know it always feels weird when she 's not here and Kermit 's always in a funk about it . Camilla 's question brought him from a dozing state , but he knew he had to answer her . " Yes , " he sighed . " I 'm going to apologize . He can 't help it ; Kermit 's his best friend after all . This is probably worse on Fozzie than it is on Scooter . And you know what the sad part is ? I know who 's probably going to get custody of who . " Piggy rolled her eyes . " I 'm guessing it was about us , " she said . " And I can tell by that ever so helpful and happy tone of yours that you think I 'm somehow at fault for it . " " Piggy , " he cried , exasperated . " I never said that I thought you were behind this ! Why do you always … ? " Stopping himself from finishing the sentence , Kermit instead took a deep breath . " I 'm not going to get into this with you . Now I called you in here because I 'm hoping that we can pretend to be civil to each other for fifteen minutes while we straighten this entire mess out . " " Andrew , " Piggy stressed . She was going to have words with him and soon . " We are done when Kermit says we are done . Don 't be rude . " Looking to Kermit , she asked , " Are we done ? " " Yes , " he huffed . " Yes , we 're done . Not that anyone seems to care about anything anymore ! So yes , you are all free to leave and never come back as far as I care . You know what ? I 'll even first ! " " No , " Gonzo corrected . " I promised that I wouldn 't punch Kermit in the face and so far , I haven 't laid a fuzzy blue digit on him . Fozzie and I had a small disagreement , that 's all that was . If you want to blame someone for what happened … " Gonzo pointed to Scooter , who instantly turned to face him . " Thanks a lot , Gonzo , " he sneered . " Throw me under another bus why don 't you ? " " Hey ! " Piggy exclaimed , shutting the other two up immediately . The last thing they wanted for her to be angry at them . " I am leaving in two days and I would appreciate it if I was able to leave without thinking the two of you are planning on blowing up my house with the frog still in it . " Now you , " she continued , pointing at Gonzo . " Are going to find Fozzie and apologize with sweets . And you , " she then pointed at Scooter . " Are coming with me . " " I don 't care , " she countered . Gesturing towards him , she concluded with , " You . Me . Words . We 're having them , now come on . " But fights never lasted long , which was why these upcropping of fights had been driving the bear to distraction . The worst offenders were of course Kermit and Miss Piggy . Granted , the two of them always fought , but it had never culminated in either one of them leaving before . Chasing down the frog had been relatively easy ; he and Kermit used to sit in the balconies of the Muppet Theatre just to get a break from the craziness that often made up their productions . It had become a tradition to meet up there at least every few days , just to catch up . It didn 't take the bear long to find Kermit sulking in one of the balcony seats , stewing and just waiting to unleash it to the first person that approached him . " It 's ridiculous , " he was muttering . " This whole thing . " Turning to the newcomer as he took the seat next to him , he continued with , " I 'm well aware she 's not behind of any of this , but do you think anyone cares ? Of course not ! Can you imagine what 's going to happen should any reporter get a hold of what 's going on here ? Cripes , if that sleezy Scribbler gets so much of a whiff of this … " " I know he wouldn 't , Fozzie , " the frog said , starting up again . " It 's like you 're the only loyal person I 've got . You think I don 't hear how half this group thinks I 've just been breaking Piggy 's heart for the entire time we 've known each other ? You know , she 's broken my heart on a few occasions too , not that anyone would be bothered to know that . If I 'm not breaking her heart , she 's breaking mine ; she 's breaking it now . " If there had been one person other than the pig who Kermit could confide in , it was the bear , and he had just laid out a major confession . This whole thing was killing him , too ! Oh , he had held on to his dignity and his very prideful manner for the first few weeks after ' the words that should never be mentioned ' were uttered , but after that , his heart ached at what he knew was his fault , entirely . Since then , he had been racking his brain with ways in which he could make this up to her . " It 's not your fault , Fozzie , " he whispered . " We certainly never intended for people to start taking sides , that 's the last thing we want . " Sighing deeply , he whispered , " Maybe it is time to take a break . Or maybe it just wasn 't meant to be . We have done everything wrong … " Gonzo had left to go home for a short break before trying to find Fozzie and offer him his choice of tasty sweets . The bear loved his sweets and it was common knowledge that he could easily be bribed or bought just by putting a plate of cookies , cupcakes , snacks , anything in front of him . Waiting for him at home was his longtime girlfriend , Camilla Clucks . The two of them had met while working on the Muppet Show and Gonzo had made a point of making a pass at her every time he saw her . As strange as it may have looked or seemed , the two of them clicked . Camilla 's patience and understanding made her the perfect long suffering girlfriend to a crazed stuntman , while Gonzo 's uniqueness and uncompromising enthusiasm had attracted the chicken from the beginning . Camilla was very much a stage chicken , hence why she normally declined to participate in many of the movies ; lately , she and Gonzo had been discussing not only making their relationship more permanent but adding to it as well . Because of that , Camilla had decided to take a short retirement to work on some other projects , things she hadn 't been able to do and really , just have some old fashioned girl time . With the chicken not on set , she usually heard about the Muppet implosion from Gonzo when he came home . So far , she was aware that Kermit and Piggy were going through a very tough and very hurtful break up , something that must have culminated in Piggy 's deciding to leave . Camilla and Piggy , while not usually together , did enjoy some girl talk every once in a while . Ironically , the two did share a few common traits - they both felt they were Queen Bee in the Muppet circle , they were both beautiful , smart , and touch , and of course they were also dating their fellow co - stars . Camilla was of course aware that Gonzo 's feelings for Piggy teetered between platonic and not so platonic and initially , she thought the pig a rival , until the two realized their eyes and hearts were on two different prizes . " Of course I love her , " Gonzo replied , passing through the living room to that of the kitchen . " You know I love her . " Popping his head out around the doorjamb , he asked , " You don 't mean , ' in love ' , do you ? " " C ' mon Cami , " he chastised , coming from the kitchen and taking a seat across from her . " Don 't be that way . Haven 't I told you that I want to be the father of all our little wickens ? " That caused her to laugh . When they first broached the subject of the possibility of them having a family together , Gonzo went out of his way to figure out the best word that was a combination of ' weirdo ' and ' chicken ' . He had stated , " Look , if the frog and pig can have bouncing baby figs or pogs , certainly we can have wickens . " She clucked at him , still trying to control her laughter . That was just another reason why she loved him so , he always made her laugh . " No we did not decide to call them chickdos , " he argued . " I clearly remember saying wickens . " She then corrected him on the saying . " Oh I 'm sorry , " he said . " Whickens . " Camilla would have been content to sit there and laugh all day with him , but she knew him too well . He may have threatened to punch the frog through a wall or just get the two of them married off and done with , but this rift that was happening to the power couple , that was happening to Gonzo , was affecting him just as much as anyone else . Okay , so performing hadn 't enticed him as much as she thought it would . Camilla then went to the old stand by and that was to remind the weirdo that , if he wanted , he could hung up his cape and put away his canons . So , she told him just how well off they were should he decide that . " We have that much saved up ? " he asked , surprised . Leave it to Camilla to start making a financial nest egg for the both of them ; he was a lucky guy for sure . " You obviously need to just sweep me off my feet and make an honest weirdo out of me . " " I will not marry you for your money , " he countered , pulling up as much of an indignant reply as he could . " I love you for your body , let 's get that straight right now . " The hit she gave his arm didn 't deter him . " Never seen finer legs on a chicken … " he went on , laughing when she tried to pounce on him and tickle him . They tousled for a bit before Gonzo caught her up in his arms and hugged her tightly . When he finished , he didn 't let go , instead taking a more comfortable position on their couch . Camilla turned her head , asking him if he had any ideas , if what he was thinking was what she thought he was thinking . " I could go back to plumbing , " he whispered . " Make an honest go of it this time . I actually am a pretty decent plumber when , you know , I 'm not trying to perform my act at the same time . Maybe … maybe it 's time to grow up , huh ? " " And that 's why I love you , baby , " he said , grinning at her . No one could do a better rousing speech than Camilla , at least for him . Sometimes , she even managed to put Kermit to shame in that area . " Okay , we 'll do that then . It 's gonna tear Rizzo up though . " " Very cute , " he chuckled . " You know very well that Piggy fits in the frienemy category and not the girlfriend one . If anyone should have her in that category , it 's Scooter . " She took the liberty to remind them of the recent bet he 'd managed to finally pay up . " Hey , I thought it too , " he replied . His face took on a grimace before he said , " Geez , this must be tearing the kid up inside . You know how close he is to those two ; this must feel like a bitter divorce to him , only that Kermit and Piggy kinda forgot to fight over him in the custody battle . And us for that matter . " When Camilla asked about the Muppets in general , Gonzo 's reply was disappointing and disheartening to hear . " I don 't know , " he sighed . " But we need to get out before it gets really bad . Not to say that things aren 't bad right now , but I don 't think I want to be around once Piggy 's gone . You know it always feels weird when she 's not here and Kermit 's always in a funk about it . Camilla 's question brought him from a dozing state , but he knew he had to answer her . " Yes , " he sighed . " I 'm going to apologize . He can 't help it ; Kermit 's his best friend after all . This is probably worse on Fozzie than it is on Scooter . And you know what the sad part is ? I know who 's probably going to get custody of who . " Click to expand . . . Wickens ! ( laughs ) ! That 's so silly ! I love Muppet humor ! Poor Scooter ! Now I know why his middle name is " Hunt " , because it is from his friend , Richard Hunt . Poor Pigy and Kermit ! Why did they have to split up just because everything terrible is happening . ( Sighs ) ! I don 't know what to say , but more please Gina . I feel so sorry for them and I want to give Kermit , Miss Piggy , Scooter , and Gonzo a hug . ( sniffles ) ! Well , everything terrible happening is the reason they split . I dunno . I was trying to figure out - before I got the book - what Kermit or Piggy did that would make Piggy flee and live in France for nearly seven years ( if you 're counting from last movie to current movie ) . When I got the junior book , I went , " oh . Well , that was kinda douchy . " Don 't worry . I remembered a great Rowlf bit this morning , where our resident pianist and counselor tells it how he sees it . Plus , Fozzie makes a confession , Scooter delivers a bombshell to Gonzo , Gonzo & Camilla say goodbye , and Piggy flies the coop ! Well , everything terrible happening is the reason they split . I dunno . I was trying to figure out - before I got the book - what Kermit or Piggy did that would make Piggy flee and live in France for nearly seven years ( if you 're counting from last movie to current movie ) . When I got the junior book , I went , " oh . Well , that was kinda douchy . " Don 't worry . I remembered a great Rowlf bit this morning , where our resident pianist and counselor tells it how he sees it . Plus , Fozzie makes a confession , Scooter delivers a bombshell to Gonzo , Gonzo & Camilla say goodbye , and Piggy flies the coop ! Oh ! So , that makes sense . The secret is his real name was Andrew , but everyone calls him , " Scooter . " The middle name " Martin " ? That must of been a secret too . Nice work , Gina . |
March is always a great month to get away to Vegas . Well , I 've always believed it to be . The weather is usually nice , and coming off of a crappy winter anywhere else in the country , what could be better than escaping to America 's Playground for a few days to shake the winter blues , indulge in some long - overdue buffoonery , and maybe drop a bet or two ? Sometimes I missed it . Well , I didn 't miss the traffic , the ever - present payday loan joints and massage parlors on every corner , or being regularly hit up for a ride , money , or anything else every time I got out of my car while running my daily errands . But sometimes I missed the casino environment - - the sights , sounds , and even smells of people cutting loose and having a good time , not worrying about the next day or the next week , only concerned with the next turn of a card or the next roll of the dice . It 's an experience like no other , and even though one can get used to it - - and maybe even a little tired of it - - the thrill of it never really goes away completely . But they are a persistent lot . A few weeks ago , around midnight , I was lying in bed and my phone started blowing up . I let it go to voicemail the first time , but then it started buzzing letting me know that I had text messages , too . So I relented , picked it up , and looked to see what all the ruckus was about . Then it rang again . It was my old buddy Cool Pacific , somewhere on a business trip , sitting in a hotel bar , a few cocktails in him , when he decided that I 'd been away from Vegas for far too long . After a brief conversation , the plan was that I 'd bring my ass to Vegas without argument , and he 'd cover the trip . All I needed was a bankroll and swimming trunks . He had tons of miles and comps on the books , so room , food , and flights were all taken care of , all I had to do was show up . So I crawled out of bed , found a flight that would work , and a few minutes later there was a confirmation in my inbox . Of course , after that it was impossible to sleep , so the next day at work was kind of a pain in the ass . Well , except for that part where I scheduled a few days off a couple weeks away . Once I knew I was going , I had mixed emotions . Part of me wanted to call everyone and tell them , and part of me wanted to keep it a secret and just show up unannounced . I decided to keep it under wraps , if only to be able to enjoy the trip and not have to schedule out blocks of time to see everyone . I did , however , call my old Schwab buddies in Phoenix to let them know I 'd be there , but only Eddie W was able to make the trip up that weekend . The next couple of weeks were quite different than trips past . I wasn 't bouncing off the walls with anticipation , I wasn 't visualizing everything we 'd be doing that first night , and I wasn 't going crazy staring at the clock and the calendar wishing that they 'd move faster . It was more like , " man , I 'm so busy for the next ten days , but at the end of that I 'll be going to Vegas , so I got that going for me , which is nice . . . " In a nod to planning , however , I decided to get a rental car while we were there instead of having CoolP pay for cabs everywhere . First of all , I was getting into town several hours before him , and wanted to drive out to my old stomping grounds for the evening , and also , I don 't drink nearly as much as I used to , so cabs wouldn 't be needed . I certainly knew my way around town , and if I were sober , we could save that expense . So I booked a car at Thrifty for four days , getting a pretty good deal in the process . As the trip got closer , the anticipation grew , but nothing like previous jaunts to Vegas . Yes , I was excited to go , but more excited to see old friends than to ' do Vegas ' . I could 've been going to Bakersfield for all the excitement I showed , but that would 've been fine if that 's where all my old friends were going to be . Thursday morning dawned bright and early , and I awoke with no help from the alarm clock . I was packed and ready to go for the most part , just needed to unplug the laptop and put the phone charger in my backpack . I showered , shaved , threw the luggage in the trunk , and headed down to the airport . I made a quick stop at the bank to take out $ 500 in cash , then swung by Bass Pro Shop to pick up some new cargo shorts ( all of my summer clothes were much too big , and although it was only 25 degrees in Nashville that morning , it was going to be 84 degrees in Vegas when I landed ) . I found my way to the economy parking lot , and just as I found a spot , the shuttle bus showed up . Instead of making me lug my bags to the proper bus stop , he waited for me there at the trunk of my car while I ditched the sweatpants I was wearing for the new cargo shorts , giving everyone else a show while I changed pants in the parking lot . Heck , when I finally got on the bus and stowed my luggage , the lady in the seat across from me was kind enough to help me remove the tags , too . Not having a window seat , I really didn 't see anything upon arrival except for Hoover Dam and the new bridge , and that 's when the realization struck that I was finally ' home ' . The flight landed about fifteen minutes early , and the luggage carousel was already circling by the time I got downstairs . I only had to wait a couple of minutes for my bags to arrive and barely had time to snap a picture to let everyone know that I 'd arrived safely . I got the last seat on the bus to the rental car pick - up , but the line at Thrifty was ridiculous . I 'll never understand why it takes so many people ten or fifteen minutes to make a two - minute transaction , whether it be at the rental car counter or the front desk at the hotel . So far , that was my only gripe of the trip . Once I got to the counter , I was done in record time , turned around to the still - waiting crowd and said " See - - it didn 't even take as long as having sex ! " which got a chuckle from the ladies in line behind me . . . I got upstairs , showed my credentials , and was presented with the biggest POS Mitsubishi on the lot . No upgrade for me - - no Dodge Charger , no Chrysler 300 , hell , not even a Ford Fusion . I mean , it ran , but it was definitely a candidate for the rental car hospice . It already had 30 , 000 miles on it and sounded like a box of angry bees when I started it up . And compared to my bad ass Challenger sitting back home in Nashville in the economy lot , it was a gutless turd , too . But it was transportation , and it had air - conditioning , so I was on my way . I jumped on the 215 , and instead of heading towards the Strip , I went east towards Hendertucky , my old neighborhood . My phone was blowing up again , this time my old buddies from Sunset Station wondering where I was . I told them I 'd be there by 4 : 00 , and I rolled in about two minutes early . But I hit the elevator and retraced my steps to the poker room , just like I 'd done hundreds of times in the past . Of course on the way I passed one of the biggest pieces - of - shit annoying players that I used to hate . She didn 't recognize me , but confirming my misanthrope status , the first thought in my mind was " Gee , I thought she 'd be dead by now " But I rolled in and surprised most of the folks there - - they had no idea that I 'd be back in town . Two and a half years was far too long , and although I wanted to play some poker for a bit while waiting for my friends to show up , I had to visit with all the old players and such and catch up on the latest gossip . Since there wasn 't an open seat at any of the games , they put me on the waiting list , and I wandered out to the pit to play some Pai Gow and maybe see some of my old co - workers . We ordered a few drinks at the Gaudi Bar in the middle of the casino , and I found a 9 - 6 Jacks or Better machine to put a twenty in to get the drinks comped . We chatted for a bit , and while I slowly played video poker , I managed to double my money to $ 40 . I cashed out , and by then the plans were to meet some other friends across the street at Sierra Gold , just like old times . So we headed over there for dinner , getting a table for four , and pretty soon my old poker buddy Dave showed up , as did another former Sunset poker dealer , Lorna . So the four of us ordered dinner , trading old stories and gossip , catching up on each others past couple of years . I had some sort of crazy - good Asian BBQ 'd shrimp , and made the mistake of ordering a beer . They brought me a HUGE stein full of Newcastle , and although it was good , it would 've taken me a week to drink . I think I got about a third of it down before waving the white flag . After finishing our meal , we changed tables and went out to the patio , and it was such a perfect evening outside - - the smokers smoked , and we told more stories , and time flew buy . Eventually , it was about 9 : 00 pm and CoolP texted me saying he was making his way to the Tropicana right then . I texted back saying I 'd be there in less than a half an hour . I said goodbye to my old poker crew , telling them I 'd be back in the neighborhood on Sunday , then headed for the Strip . We grabbed a couple of seats at a $ 10 Pai Gow table , and the weekend was officially underway ! I think we played for about an hour or so , laughing our asses off just like old times , hitting on the sixty - year old waitress who , once she got that green chip , came back every two or three minutes to make sure we were properly refilled . I told CoolP that I 'd need to get up to my room and have my bags sent up before we got too stupid to remember , so I took the room keys he 'd procured for me , and hit the elevator . I got to my room , but something was amiss . It looked like I 'd already been robbed , but none of my stuff had been there yet . Clearly the maid had never gotten around to cleaning the room after the last guy checked out . I went back downstairs , told CoolP what happened , and he headed back to the front desk . A few minutes later , he came back telling me that I 'd be staying in a Bungalow room instead . Score ! A few words of background about the Trop may be in order . First of all , I will freely admit that the place has been a dump forever . Well , about the time I was going all Nick Cage and Elisabeth Shue , the new owners decided not to implode the place and start over , but just rope it off sections at a time and just take it down to the studs and rebuild . So now they 've got a Havana - in - the - 50s , Miami - in - the - 60s vibe going on that they pull off extremely well . Anyone familiar with that show on Starz , Magic City , will know exactly what I 'm talking about . Kinda like if the Rat Pack hung out in Miami instead of Las Vegas . Anyhow , the Bungalow rooms are in the old three - story ' motel ' wing that lines the parking lot . From the outside , it doesn 't look like much , but the room was over - the - top awesome . Maybe I had no expectations , but when I got there I was blown away how not only nice my room was , but how big , too . And of course it had a small balcony . Unfortunately , since it was a last - minute fix , I got one facing the Excalibur , overlooking the parking lot , instead of the much cooler ones overlooking the pool . Didn 't matter - - I loved the room and wouldn 't hesitate to stay there again . The bed was every bit as comfy and big as the ones at MGM and Caesars , but for the price , it can 't be beat . And it decor kind of reminded me of the rooms at Red Rock , although more retro - cool and less Euro - trash . The funny thing is , when we set this up , CoolP had offered me a room at either Caesars Palace , Planet Hollywood , or the Trop , and since I didn 't want to be that guy , I told him to keep the nicer hotel for himself and I 'd slum it at the Tropicana . So when he saw the room , he said he got jacked - - my room was far nicer than his place at the P - Hol . I believe that right then and there he decided that the next dudes trip we take , we 'll set up HQ there at the Trop . Anyhow , I got the bags dropped off , and we decided to walk over to the MGM to play a little Spot the Hooker and smoke some cigars . I unpacked a couple of Partagas , grabbed a cutter andWe didn 't gamble there at MGM , we just headed straight for the same lounge we always go to . I can 't remember if it was called ' Misu ' or ' Suri ' , but we made the obvious Mizzou joke . We found a couple of seats on the lower level and ordered a round of cocktails . We slowly enjoyed a couple of fine stogies and had several rounds of drinks while I filled CoolP in on all of the details of the trials and tribulations of the past couple of years . Yeah , I 'm lucky to be here , and my lack of blogging has left a lot of holes and questions for my long - term readers , I realized . But we had a great time catching up , and even though we weren 't gambling and acting stupid - - like we 've been known to do - - we had a great time catching up . Had my trip ended right then and there , I would 've called it a success . I slept like a rock for a good two - and - a - half hours , but like a dumbass , I 'd forgotten to turn the alarm off on my iPhone . So at 6 : 30 in the morning , I was wide awake again . Although my body told me I needed the sleep , my brain was screaming DUDE - - IT ' S YOUR SECOND DAY IN VEGAS ! ! ! ! GET THE HELL OUT OF BED ! ! ! That reminds me of another reason to sing the praises of the Tropicana . First of all , they have combination alarm clock / iphone charger / stereo speakers on the nightstand . I love that . That alone will get me to come back . And also , in the Bungalow rooms , they ripped out the old tub - shower combination and put in huge tile - covered showers , big enough for you and a couple of friends . But not only that , while they may have rebuilt from the walls out , the plumbing remains the same , so there 's none of that low - flow shower crap so prevalent in the new joints . It was like showering under a fire hose . A hot , luxurious fire hose . I really dug the shower there . Basically , I really liked everything about the room , and next time I 'm back in Vegas , I 'm booking a Bungalow room at the Trop . Done deal . I got dressed , grabbed a few more cigars , and headed down to the casino . As I was heading down the elevator , I realized that I was experiencing a typical Vegas moment - - I was much too tired , but I was still freshly scrubbed and ready to squeeze as much as I could out of the coming day . I should 've stayed in bed and slept for a few more hours , but the siren song of the Strip was calling my name , and I had to answer . I stopped at the new Starbucks that they 'd put between my room and the casino , overpaid for a hazelnut latte , and took a lap around the pit . The Pai Gow table wasn 't open yet , but the $ 5 dice table seemed to be calling my name . I bought in for a hundy , and after almost an hour , I 'd more than doubled up . So I told him I 'd be down there in a jiffy . I cashed out and made my way over to Planet Hollywood - - I said I 'd walk , but he did it the night before and said it was a lot further than we remember , just to take the car instead , so I drove . No traffic on the Strip at that hour , so I got there in no time . We met up , briefly , and while he still had action going on the video poker machine , that didn 't interest me , so I found an empty $ 15 Pai Gow table and played for about an hour , earning about $ 50 in the process . I then went on a string of increasingly frustrating pushes , so I said the hell with it and headed to the bar for coffee and Baileys while CoolP played video poker . I think we hung out there till around 11 : 00 or so , then decided that we 'd spend the day with a cabana at the Tropicana pool . Of course , it was like pulling teeth to cash in my chips when we left . There it was , a Friday on the Strip , and the geniuses at Planet Hollywood only had one person working in the cage while the line was at least fifty people deep . Eventually I got my cash and we headed back to the Trop . While I went upstairs to grab some swim trunks , he went out to the pool to secure proper accommodations for gentlemen of leisure such as ourselves . I called Eddie and told him where to meet us , as he was driving up from Phoenix that morning and was on the road somewhere in the middle of the desert at the time . As I left the room , I met my attractive across - the - hall neighbor , who was leaving at the same time . It turned out that she wanted to go to the pool too , but had forgotten to pack a swimsuit . I told her of our cabana and where to find us , and that if she wanted to come on by , she wouldn 't have to pay for drinks . She said that she absolutely would , if she were able to procure proper attire in the next couple of hours . Another nice surprise was the rows and rows of bikini - clad talent surrounding us for us to gaze upon . We honestly had no expectations for the Trop pool , but like everything else , it was much better than we could 've imagined . CoolP 's only complaint is that they seemed to all be in their mid - 20s instead of the much - easier - to - close - the - deal - with uber - milfs . But none of that really mattered , we were just there to enjoy the great weather ( and it was PERFECT ) , cool off in the pool , empty a bottle of rum , smoke some cigars , and avoid taking a beating at the tables . Oh , and maybe appreciate the scenery , too . At some point , after a few rounds of rum - and - diets with lime , CoolP decided it would be a good idea to order some grub . I concurred , and while I wandered off to the men 's room , he told our waitress to bring both the shrimp and cracked crab , just like Winthorpe and Billy Ray did . Unfortunately , they don 't offer cracked crab at the Tropicana pool , so we went with shrimp cocktails and cheese sticks instead . They hit the spot , and we spent the next several hours slowly getting drunk and sunburned while we went back and forth between the pool and cabana , waiting for either Eddie or my new friend from across the hall to show up . The wise guys put the money on Eddie , because the neighbor lady never showed . Ah well , two ships and all that . . . I think it was around 5 : 00 pm or so that we finally called it a day . We were both pretty sunburned , and although Eddie was only there for the last hour - and - a - half or so , he got some sun , too . When we cashed out , we were shocked at the tab . But in a good way . For all the food , booze , and extra mixers we ordered , plus the automatic 18 % gratuity , the total for the afternoon at the cabana was only $ 325 . Holy shit - - had we been at Caesars Venus pool , which was the original plan , the afternoon would 've set us back around $ 1500 . CoolP was so excited that he tipped the waitress an extra $ 75 and called it his biggest win of the trip . We decided to part ways , go back to the rooms and clean up and change , then meet up for the evening 's buffoonery a couple of hours later . CoolP , however , wasn 't feeling too well . After a bottle of rum and all that sun , he said he had to go take a shower and lie down . Traffic on the Strip that night was absolutely ridiculous , and what I didn 't know was that the northbound lanes were restricted due to the construction in front of the old O ' Shea 's and Imperial Palace . Only two lanes open when they 're usually gridlocked with three or four lanes . So it took us almost an hour to get to Bally 's . We finally got the car parked and I hung out in the casino while Eddie went upstairs to shower and such . I found a seat at a $ 15 Pai Gow table , but for the 45 minutes that Eddie was upstairs , I didn 't win a single hand . It was ridiculous . I had two Full Houses in a row at one point , and lost ' em both . It sucked . Eddie wanted to get some dinner , and we were going to meet up with CoolP again , but he called and said that he couldn 't do it - - he 'd gotten sunstroke and had been throwing up since he got back and couldn 't cool off - - I guess the sun really got to him . But to be fair , the dude is whiter than a Canadian porn star , and spends most of his winters up in the oil fields near the Arctic circle , so the sun was a whole new experience for him . He said he 'd be ok , just needed some rest , and that he 'd catch up to us in the morning . So we just bounced around in Bally 's for the evening , hitting a blackjack table or two , playing some Pai Gow , but basically just lost the entire time we were there . It wasn 't much fun at all . I went down to check out their new poker room , and it was nice and BIG , but I didn 't get into any of the games . As much as I loved working there a couple of summers ago , the $ 5 tourist rake is just a bit much to pay . We got a seat at the Cafe pretty quickly , but we sat there for over twenty minutes and not a single acknowledgment from a waiter or waitress . There was a very angry couple at the table behind us too who 'd obviously been there longer than we had , and Eddie was telling me how bad the service was at Paris every time they 've come there . He and his wife had actually walked out of the Eiffel Tower restaurant the previous September because the service was so bad , and she vowed not to come back . After just under a half and hour , we said Fuck this and left also . Nobody ever came to the table , and even the hostess who sat us ignored us when she saw us leaving and obviously pissed . Paris , you suck . On the other hand , we wandered back to the Le Burger Bar , home of the former Ortanique , site of the absolute best meal I 've ever had in Vegas , and we were seated immediately and the service was outstanding ( especially when compared to what we just experienced ) . We both ordered Paris Burgers , a third - pound hunk - o - meat topped with Brie , caramelized onions , and bacon , on a Parmesan bun . Eddie ordered a tower of onion rings , too . All I can say is that it was damn near the best burger I 'd ever tasted . I wanted to eat it all , but five bites and two onion rings was all I could handle . But it was seriously good . It may have been a little pricey , but still , for a gourmet burger on the Strip , you could do a lot worse . I have to give Le Burger Bar mad props for both service and the quality of food . I think it was after 1 : 00 am by then , still early by Vegas standards , but Eddie had been driving all day and I 'd been out at the pool , and we were both pretty much wiped out . I headed back to the Trop , while he stuck around the casino at Bally 's for awhile . Of course , once I got back , I got hammered again , this time by the $ 10 dice game at the Trop , house money long gone and getting deeper into my bankroll before I called it a night . The next morning , the plan was to eat at the Central Cafe ( I think that 's the name of it ) just off the lobby at Caesars Palace . I believe the plan was to meet at 10 : 30 , in the main lobby . CoolP had lots of comps to burn up from the beating he took at Caesars a few weeks before , so he told us to take ' em down . Unfortunately , the line was out the door and there was a 45 minute wait for a table . Even with all the stars and diamonds that CoolP flashed with his players card , we still had to wait in line with the unwashed masses . Instead , we decided to head over to the new ( ? ) Gordon Ramsey restaurant there in the far - flung bowels of the casino . We made our way back there , but they didn 't open for another half hour we were told . No biggie , we 'd just go next door to the food court and have a drink at the bar . Even the damn bar was closed . By this time we were good and irritated that apparently the only thing opened in the whole damn place was one over - crowded Cafe . And the casino , of course . So we went to the bar behind the sports book to wait ' em out and at least score a free drink . Eddie and CoolP got machines , but the video poker machine at my seat was out of order . CoolP was playing dollars , and although we were obviously together , the bartender insisted that I pay $ 7 . 50 for my ' tall ' screwdriver that wouldn 't fill a communion cup at Mass . I was used to such treatment from the Evil Empire , but I 'm pretty sure CoolP had had enough of their gouging . We didn 't order another drink while we waited the half hour until the restaurant opened , but we did enjoy a colorful rant about Harrah 's fucking up everything they touched . Gordon Ramsey 's place looked good , but oh dear god , what a gouger . Eddie had three half - dollar - sized sliders and a side of fries , and I think it cost $ 29 . I had a bowl of ' British ' onion soup and some Black Truffle mac - and - cheese , and it was upwards of $ 35 , I believe . CoolP had the same , and , although the food was good , it wasn 't so over - the - top wonderful to justify the ridiculous prices . Trading on the name ? You bet . Gotta pay the lease for floor space at Caesars ? Certainly . Basically , we all felt like we 'd gotten bent over at Caesars . I don 't mind paying a little premium for a premium experience , but this the whole morning just felt like gouging every dime they could get . Luckily CoolP had comps to cover it , but even free , we all agreed that it was overpriced . We got out of the Palace as soon as we could , and headed back to the much friendlier confines of the Tropicana . Of course we took a beating at the dice table there , again , so less than an hour later we headed back to our favorite spot , the MGM Grand . I don 't know why I like that place so much - - it too is a little pricey , but they certainly don 't skin the players like Harrah 's properties do , and I 've always had a good time there . It just feels like my ' home ' casino , kinda like New York New York used to be . Besides , the drink service is fast , and they always have open tables , with plenty of Pai Gow and even $ 10 blackjack on weekends . Anyhow , we sat down at a $ 25 Pai Gow table and proceeded to lose our asses . Slowly , but still losing . It was a slow killing , kinda like the proverbial frog in the pot of water who doesn 't get out and slowly boils to death as the heat is turned up . On top of that , CoolP 's phone started to blow up , and he had to hop on a plane back to Calgary . He apologized for an early departure , but work was calling , and the deal he 's working on was much more important than a weekend bender in Vegas . Besides , he told us , if the deal goes through , our next trip will be ' done right ' . Hey , I 'm ok with that , but now I can 't wait for this fall when we do it again . . . After not getting anything going at the Pai Gow table , we found a $ 10 shoe blackjack game to try . Figuring our luck had to turn , we sat down . The only thing that turned was the rate at which we lost . Blackjack is a much faster game , and we burned through hundreds like a couple of Kardashian gold diggers on a shopping spree . At one point , Eddie went to hit the ATM , and by the time he got back , I was down another $ 200 , so we gave up . As much as we like the MGM , we just couldn 't get any traction there . He wanted to find a good $ 25 double deck game , but all of the games there on the Strip were 6 - deck shoes . I suggested that we head over to my old stomping grounds , Sunset Station , and give them a try . I told him of the decent Blackjack games they had , but the $ 5 dice with 10x odds was the deal closer . Instead of going straight over , we stopped back at that same cigar lounge that CoolP and I visited on Thursday night , and we smoked a couple of Black Labels and had a few rounds of cocktails while we nursed our wounds . We had a great afternoon re - telling stories from old Vegas trips and a few of our sailing trips out to Catalina from years past , and making plans hang out more than once every couple of years . Once the cigars were reduced to piles of ash , we tabbed out and walked back over to the Trop to fetch the car , neither of us needing to go to the cage before we left , and headed out to Henderson . When we got there Eddie was especially excited to see the China Panda sign , so after hitting the head and the ATM , we got some lunch . Well , I just had a veggie spring roll , he had the full - on meal . While sitting there grubbing out to absorb all of the fine Scotch he drank at the MGM , I saw a fetching brunette walk by . No , it wasn 't Kimmie , but one of my other favorites , probably the nicest gal to ever sling drinks at Sunset . Her name was Suzie , and of course she did a double take when she saw me . She ran to deliver the tray she was carrying , then came back to visit . Of course she was impressed with the new me , and we had a nice visit for a bit before she had to get to work . She told me that she works the poker room on day shift now , and to come by the next day . That was my plan anyways , and when she left , Eddie was asking why I never mentioned her before because it seemed that she was all into me . I told him that might be the case , but back when I worked there she certainly wasn 't all into me , and everyone in the casino knew I was hot for Kim anyways . But that drama is so far in the past that it doesn 't even matter anymore . We finished lunch and before we even made it to the blackjack pit I heard a familiar voice behind me and I turned around to see Kim walking behind us offering drinks to anyone who wanted them . She did a double - take , too , not recognizing me at first , but then after a second she was like Holy shit - - Mikey ! How 've you been ? We caught up for a minute , but it was like talking to a wall - - she 'd obviously not given me a second thought after I left , and well , even though I figured that was the case , it still kinda sucks to find out for sure . It was nice to see her , but man , there was just nothing there anymore . The thrill was definitely gone . After that little reunion , we decided to give the dice tables a try , and not even an hour later , I was down another $ 250 and Eddie around $ 400 . We gave up and moved on . He found the $ 25 double - deck pitch game and planted his flag . I moved on to Chinatown and grabbeNo , I just wasn 't playing the sucker tax , that 's all . It was also nice because as I sat there that night , all of my old co - workers cycled through the table , and it was nice to catch up with everyone . Of course a lot of the people I used to deal to were there , so there was plenty of good conversation to make the evening more enjoyable . Anyhow , we both camped out for hours at our particular tables , slowly making a comeback . I think Eddie was down about $ 1500 when we got there that day , and by the time we 'd left , he had $ 800 or so back in the win column to offset some of his losses . I was still behind , but only down about three or four hundred by the time we finally called it a night and headed back to the Strip . The Sunday plan was the old reliable Peppermill . It had been such a long night that we said we 'd just meet there at 11 : 30 for breakfast . That gave me plenty of time to sleep in , but of course I couldn 't . I was up earlier than I wanted to be , so I showered , put on clean clothes , and hit the tables at the Trop for an hour or so . In retrospect , that was a mistake because I took a $ 200 beating before breakfast . We didn 't think to take the picture until after the goodies on top got eaten and had a couple of sips . But you get the idea . . . The Peppermill was pretty busy that morning , it seemed like everyone else in Las Vegas for the weekend had the same idea to do breakfast there at the same time . But eventually they called our names and we gathered up our smokables and such and headed for the restaurant . Now , I can 't eat nearly as much as I used to , so I figured there wouldn 't be much on the menu I could handle . Eddie was in hangover - recovery mode , so everything sounded good to him . Me , on the other hand , had subsisted on coffee - Bailey 's - Kahlua for most of the weekend , and knew that I needed to get some protein in me . I was thinking ham - and - cheese omelet , or maybe even the eggs Benedict , but when the smoking hot Bulgarian waitress asked me what I wanted , I heard my self ordering my usual chicken friend steak and eggs . For years , that was my favorite breakfast in all of Vegas , and I firmly believe that it 's the best thing in the world after a long night of drunken buffoonery . And although we were a little light on both the drunkenness and buffoonery , it just sounded so good that I had to have it . This is the ' before ' picture . I should 've taken an ' after ' picture , but it doesn 't look much different . The waitress was pretty worried that I didn 't like it , but she was wrong . I loved it . All five bites that I had . Breakfast was wonderful , as expected , but I could hardly put a dent in it . I felt bad for wasting it , but the Peppermill doesn 't have a kids menu to order off of . And of course Eddie couldn 't finish his either , or else I would 've offered him my leftovers . Since Eddie covered the bar tab , I picked up breakfast . I think it was close to 1 : 30 in the afternoon by the time we got out of there , and Eddie had to get on the road back to Phoenix before too long . He said that he wanted to play a little more blackjack before he left , and since he liked Sunset Station so much , we decided to drive back out there . And since it was right next to the highway out of town , and I was headed out there to play poker anyways , it worked out perfectly . He followed me out to the east side , and while he went back to the same $ 25 double - deck game , I went back to my seat at the no - commission Pai Gow table . I wasn 't there a half hour before Eddie walked up and said that he was out . He was down another $ 400 and wanted to leave town with only a $ 1700 bite taken out of his ass , and he 'd just reached it . A little bummed that he 'd left on a downer but he said he had a great time anyways . We 've all taken beating much worse than that , so it didn 't hurt too badly . We talked about plans for a football - season get together a few months down the road , and said our goodbyes . He drove off to Phoenix and I headed over to the poker room to spend the balance of my time playing 4 - 8 . I probably sat there for about ten hours or so , grinding away , but clearly my game was a little off . I mean , it wasn 't bad , but I caught myself making a few questionable moves , and I think I pissed away about $ 120 that evening . Eventually I just got tired of sitting there telling the story of my whereabouts for the past two years over and over again , that I cashed in sometime after midnight . I played Pai Gow again , won a little back , but then the table went dead and since it was a Sunday night , they wanted to close down the Chinatown pit early . I visited with Kimmie some more ( having never saw Suzie again ) , and ended up at the dice table . I got lucky there and won about $ 250 back before I went point - seven - out on my second roll . So I colored up and called it a trip . I had an absolute blast seeing Eddie and CoolP again , and even though we were a little more mellow this time around than in times past , it was just what I needed . I felt like I got a little closure with my favorite city , and even though I knew in my head I made the right choice to leave , my heart wasn 't convinced . It is now . I love Vegas , and yeah , I may even go back someday , but right now , I 'm in the right place for me . I got back to the Trop late that night , told the valet I 'd be back down in a couple of hours to pick up the car again in a co $ 200 later I realized that I probably should 've just gone straight to bed and gotten the extra 45 minutes worth of sleep . It would 've been better all around . Instead I packed , showered , and got dressed , lying down for a quick two - hour catnap before heading back to the airport . I set my alarm and called down for a wake - up call , paranoid that I 'd finally sleep eight hours on the one night I didn 't want to . Like a zombie seeking brains , two hours later I would 've given a green chip for a cup of coffee , but the line at Starbucks was way too long and I had to get out of town . I hit the road , heading south past the Welcome to Vegas sign , and a few minutes later I had the rental car turned in and I was back on the shuttle bus to the airport . While the skycap line at Southwest was a complete clusterfuck , I made an obvious production of fumbling for tip money and one enterprising fellow parted the rope and brought me up to the front of the line , getting me checked in and printed my boarding pass for me . He earned his five bucks . And when I got to the security check - in area , they opened a new line right as I got there . So from curb to gate was less than ten minutes total . That has never happened to me before . Long - time reader here . . . This trip may have been a tamer , buffoonery lite , but any Vegas trip report from Mikey is one I can 't miss . It doesn 't hurt that I just got back from a business trip to Sin City last Wednesday , so the lights and bells are fresh in my memory . The long post definitely made it worth the wait between updates . Hope that as time allows you 're able to fill us in on those gaps in your time away from the journal , but more than anything , I look forward to reading your Appalachian Trail adventure . Keep writing ! 7 : 54 PM No mention of the greatest pizza ever ! ! ! Grimaldi 's ! ! ! Glad you got to writing again , pleasant surprise to see your blog updated , I periodically check for the hope you started writing again . Great writing as usual . G . Galindo Hell of a trip report ! I haven 't been in the Trop since they did the remodeling . Gotta make sure I check it out in June now . Thanks guys ! Yeah , it was more of a mellow trip , and although I had plans to 1 ) Go to Grimaldi 's , and 2 ) Walk the Strip , things got in the way . I thought I 'd be all alone on Sunday , but Ed stuck around till mid - afternoon , so the whole walking - the - strip thing didn 't happen . And I can hit Grimaldi 's in Ft . Myers nowadays ( I get down to Florida a few times a year now ) , so I wasn 't TOO bummed that I didn 't get there ( and I can only eat a slice or two anyways ) . Also , re - reading this ' trip report ' , I feel that I may have short - changed y ' all . It was cranked out over the course of four hours while sitting in a Panera Bread in Hermitage . In the old days , I 'd spend almost a week working on it , lacing it with details of conversations and observations , and this reads more like a journal entry . But I 'm out of practice , and also pressed for time , so there ya go . But thanks for reading ! |
This morning , as we slowly pulled ourselves together , it occured to me that I could not avoid the inevitable . Logan was actually going to need more new pants . I pulled out the final pair that would fit him and didn 't currently reside in the hamper - olive green sweat pants that were actually a tad short on him . Drat . My memory of what he had left this spring had failed me . He was about 2 pairs of pants short to get him through a normal span between laundry runs . I rounded up the troops . " Kids , we 've got to do a little shopping . " I figured we 'd head over to our favorite stand - by : Target . " I want to go to the other big Target , " Logan said . " Logan , there is only one Target around here , " I replied , trying to figure out if I had taken him to another one at some point in his short life . " No , there are two . I want to go to the one by Pizza Hut . " " Ah . I see , " I say grinning . " Honey , that 's not Target . That 's K - mart . " Then I ask him how he knows he wants to go there . I say how I 'm not sure he 's ever even been there before . " Yes , I have , " he says confidently . " That 's where we got the cups for the toothbrushes . Remember ? I lost the ball I got at Pizza Hut when we were shopping there . " I 'm sure my mouth hung open for a moment . Holy crap , he was right . We had gotten the bathroom odds - and - ends there . . . A YEAR AGO when we re - did the bathrooms . And , he did lose a ball that day . Remind me to watch what I say in front of him lest he decide to recall it during circle time sometime in April . - - - The little one is not without the ability to grey my head . She is barely over the 12 - month mark . She 's been walking since 9 months old . She 's been attempting to climb shortly there after . On Friday , she began to succeed . I put her down on the ground in our back yard to help Logan locate his baseball . Normally this is a non - issue . Megan will wander behind or she 'll find herself something to play with . But Friday was to be different . I heard her giggle . I turned around to see what it was amusing her and I nearly spit my heart out . Megan Rose was half - wayPosted by Overheard in our car on the way home from preschool : " Why did the avalanche want to run over people ? " asked Logan , obviously remembering one of his Rescue Hero videos . " Well , the avalance isn 't alive , honey . It didn 't know it was running people over . It doens 't have a brain , or a heart , or lungs . It 's just part of nature . " I said . " No it 's not , " said my eternal debater . " Yes . It is , " I said . " It 's a whole bunch of snow that falls down the side of the mountain really fast . And snow is just frozen rain . " " No Mom ! " quipped Logan , rather self - assured . " That 's ice . Frozen rain is ice . Geez , you 're silly . " First , I have to confess that the plural form of " apprentice " just trips my tongue up . I feel the urge to drop a few letters and use " apprenti . " However , I have no real authority to go screwing around with the English language . The plural form , therefore , remains as is . I turned my nose up at the first season of Trump 's Apprentice . I 'm not quite sure why . Perhaps I had my fill of reality TV at that point . Perhaps I was just full of the business world . Or perhaps I couldn 't imagine staring at that bad hair throughout an hour each week . The second season , however , I broke down and climbed up on the bandwagon . I was quickly addicted . In truth , I think the appeal for me is that I feel some sort of familiarity with the show content . Not that my work week includes putting together large scale , important projects on ridiculously short timelines and budgets for a Type - A , driven , high - maintenance wealthy man . . . . or wait . . . that actually does describe my job . You think I jest ? I watch the show and I see people I work with in the ' applicants . ' Bruce and I sit before our TV and we trade notes on who is like who . " Oh , that one ! She reminds me of that chick in accounting . " " You think he 's bad , you ought to see the guy I work with in sales ! " " Speaking of sales , that guy looks like one of our reps ! " Ever since Trump selected his last apprentice , my Thursday nights were blah . I wanted the bad hair and the cheesey tagline back . Then they handed me Martha on Wednesdays as an appetizer . I was apprehensive . Perhaps having two shows would water it down . Over kill maybe . But two weeks in , and I 'm having fun . It 's similar and yet different . Its familiar - the pace of the show . The basic premise . The format . Yet it 's a new creature . And it leaves me giggling . - There is one contestant that seems to think dropping the phrase " It 's a good thing " through each task will brainwash Martha into thinking she 's found the second coming . - Someone correct me if I 'm wrong , but didn 't Ms . Stuart get community service as part of her sentence . Tonight 's winniPosted by Some say I 'm a bit pathetic . Others say I 'm practical . Either way , the truth is simple . I have started my Christmas shopping . Really it is my mother 's fault . For as long as I can remember , my mother was never one to partake in the panic and rush of the season . Presents were bought and wrapped by Black Friday . Christmas cards signed , addressed and ready to be sent by December 1st . Not always sent on December 1st , but ready . Her approach makes sense to me and so I 've modeled my own adult habits on it . I always have some shopping to do in December . A few last minute gifts that suddenly seem " must have " status and whatever items we decide to pick up for the various giving trees at our offices and church . The bulk of my list , however , is checked off and done before we sit down for turkey in November . I find it easier to relax and enjoy the season when I 'm not crazed trying to run through and prepare for it . I haven 't , however , actually started * this * early before . Typically I 'm shopping around the time the kids are trick - or - treating . However , I 'm a girl that can 't pass up a good sale . The giraffe is having a some good sales in honor of his birthday . So Shop I must . And shop I did . Let 's just say Santa is nearly done with his list and now Mom has to pick up a few items to round out the tree . Its going to be a good relaxing December for me . Ho . Ho . Ho . We 've got this hand - me - down book of unknown orign that we just discovered and read for the first time last night . Its about a monkey and his sister trying to earn money to buy a t - shirt and hat . The sister monkey says " If you had five peas and I took away three and gave you back two , how many peas would you have ? " And Logan , without missing a beat , pushed his extended fingers in my face and said " Four . " - - With Logan splashing happily in his tub as Dad kept an eye on him , I took to getting Megan ready for bed . She 's really developed a thing for books lately . She has a few she prefers . She 'll search them out , then toddle over to the nearest grown - up . She holds the book out to you with both arms outstreched as she says " Buh . Up . " ( Or " Read me this book . Pick me up . " ) " Meg , do you want to read a book ? " I asked her . She giggled . She clapped and she ran , yes ran , to a set of books she had been dragging around earlier . She rifled through . She frowned . She toddled to another set of tossed aside reading materials . She pilfered . She clapped . She came back and handed me the American Doll catalog that had arrived in the mail the other day . She climbed onto my lap , turned herself around and clapped again . " Doll buh ! " she said over and over until I gave in and began flipping through the pages with her . - - We took the kids and the grandparents apple and pumpkin picking today . It was Megan 's second time , technically speaking , but since she spent most of her first one asleep in the front carrier I 'm not sure we can truly count last year 's . Logan , however , keenly remembers apple picking . The moment he saw the outer reaches of the orchard he began to clap and cheer . He located the carts quickly and he plowed ahead to the nearest tree . Meg was just delighted to have a place where she could walk and walk and walk and walk . She made her way up and down the rows of trees with an adult close enough behind to redirect if need be , but far enough back to give her the illusion of freedom . It was a rather interesting trip . As much as Megan lovesPosted by Last night Logan hopped down off his chair declaring he was done with dinner . He ran off down the hall to retrieve something or other he wanted to show Daddy and as he did so he said " ow . " We asked if he was ok . He brushed us off annoyed at being questioned . He turned to trot back off down the hall to retrieve yet another thing . And that 's when I noticed he was limping . Logan wanted to go out back and play baseball with Daddy . He wasn 't happy to be told he couldn 't go because his leg was hurting . He insisted it wasn 't . And he tried to show us how much it wasn 't by running . He fell to his left side . He said it was his knee . And then it was in his calf . And then his foot . He told us the pain was shooting down his leg from top to bottom but only if he ran so if he walked to play ball it 'd be ok . Instead we looked closely at his leg . No noticeable swelling . No bruising . We gave him some Tylenol . We gave him a warm bath . We put him to bed after stories . He woke up Saturday morning and immediately announced that his leg hurt . He grabbed his left hip . He got out of bed to walk and started to crumble to his side when he tried to put weight on the leg . We carried him down the hall . We called the Pediatrician 's answering service . They paged the doctor on call . Logan slid off the chair we had left him in and tried walking again . He did , but with a limp . The Ped called back . She asked us to bring him into the office for an eval . She thought we 'd wait too long at the ER and that we could get the x - rays done at another place this morning . Meg went to Grandma and Papa 's and we went to the doctor 's office . To calm Logan I told him how the doctor 's we 'd see were like Matt Medic - the Rescue Hero who is , surprise , surprise , a doctor . He told me he needed to get Matt Medic now to be brave . I told him we could talk about it . He said " Hey , I have an idea , let 's talk about it now ! " We didn 't . The doctor arrived and began poking at Logan 's leg and watching his face for clues of pain . He told her where it hurt . He told her when it started Posted by Two weeks ago my mom called me after one of her church meetings . " They need someone to do PR , " she said . " You ought to call . " And since this is this sort of work is what I do and because I enjoy it ( and because I always enjoy resume fodder ) , I called . I met with Pastor T who is over - seeing our building program . We talked about how to get coverage for the church and the nursery school with the opening of the newly renovated section of the school wing . How we could incorporate information about the addition that ought to be completed next month and the pending ' alumni ' reunion in planning stages . " We don 't expect coverage , actually , " she had said to me . " We 've tried this in the past . Actually we 've tried it quite often . We never get anything . " I placed two phone calls , followed by two emails . One to the main two - county daily and the other to the rinky - dink single county rag . I spoke to the editor of the big paper who urged me to send a note with the release to a different editor in the local bureau . The big paper is coming out on Thursday morning with a reporter and a photographer . The school has asked if its ok if they bring the photographer to Logan 's class . I said " Oh , sure , I guess . " - - On our way home last night Logan and I were talking about his day at school . Mrs R had helped him up on the potty again . " You like her , huh ? " I said to him and again reminded him of her name since he insists on calling her " the helper . " " Yes , I do , " he said and then giggled . " She 's really pretty . " " What about Mrs S . She 's nice . You like your teacher ? " I asked him . " Oh yes , she 's very pretty too . " Men ! They get an early start ! - - I guess we can almost call it a sentence - - a 12 - month old 's sentence . Megan had a teething biscuit . Tasha wanted it . Megan pushed Tasha 's nose away from her yelling " No ! No dog ! Mine . Mine . Mine ! " Of course since that moment , Megan has handed Tasha the food in question and has placed herself in the small motorized lime green VW Beatle Logan got one Christmas from his aunts . She figured out the gas pedal this morPosted by Apparently he really does listens . At least , when he wants to . We practiced again this morning : " Ok , and when Mrs S says its circle time , what do you do ? " " I put my toy down and I run to circle time ! " " You can walk , " I said just like I said every other time . " I know , " he said with a smile . " And what about when its time to come in from the playground ? " I asked . " I go in . I don 't even argue . Not one bit ! " We 're back to our normal schedlue this week so I went off to work and Logan waited not so patiently at our home with Grandma until it was time to leave . As she dropped him off , Grandma went through rotation of questions with Logan one more time . He responded the same way again . Mrs R patted his shoulder and said , " Oh good ! I see we have a good listening ears on to ! Good job . " And those good listening ears stayed on the entire school ' day . ' He was smiling and proud when Grandma picked him up . He handed her his artwork happily chattering about what he had painted for her to hang in her kitchen . He sang his clean - up song for her and he talked about how he couldn 't wait to go back on Thursday . Now if only he could come here and teach some of my co - workers a thing or two about " good listening ears " ! ! ! I can 't juggle . I try . I get one ball going . I add in a second . I keep two in the air fairly well . Add a third ? No dice . So , do two balls count ? Can I really claim to juggle with just two ? Here 's the thing - I don 't think it does . And so , frankly , I 'm an inept juggler . And that sort of sucks since so much of parenting is juggling . At least figuratively . But figuratively speaking , sometimes I juggle in that context enough to ' get - by ' and other times enough to even shine , but other times just barely by the skin of my teeth in such a way that I wonder if it counts . I feel like I 'm there , tossing two parenting balls up in the air at one time and hoping I can claim it counts as juggling . ( Or perhaps the better analogy is balancing - but I can sort of survive the balance beam as long as we 're not demanding fancy tricks and flips and so the whole " performance art vs parenting " thing gets lost a little . ) The other day when I wrote about Logan and his failure to listen , he happened to be in rather rare form . He had a cold coming on and that is never a recipe for an calm , well - behaved , low - maintenance Logan . His overall behavior made it even harder to relax and stick things in prospective . Obviously part of preschool is learning to listen and follow directions and so he 's just getting it over with early . Right ? ; ) We 've talked at it , of it , around it a few times with him . In theory he gets the concept in the context of school . When I picked him up he was just so sad about it . From what I could piece together , what stuck out most for him was the playground - - he didn 't want to come in and I think , although no one has come out and said it , he argued with the teacher about it . He hid behind his art paper when I picked him up and then as soon as he got to the corner of the building outside he broke down in tears . I was a little concerned that this would make him reluctant to go back , but nope , he was begging me to take him back within hours of being home . So I suppose he 's over it . The hardest thing , sometimes , for us is really Posted by Today I got to be the mom of the problem child . Or at least one that needed to be reprimanded . I have to admit to not being surprised about why . A typical day in our house includes me whispering into Logan 's ears " Are these things on ? Testing , Testing ! " Apparently the teacher ran into the same problem . So now our quest to work through the refusal to listen and respond steps up a notch . I don 't expect a three - year - old to achieve this with perfection , but it would be nice if he didn 't have to leave preschool trying to tug me out the door before the teacher could talk to me because " instead of listening he was intent on doing his own thing . " He swears he went to circle time when called over . Then later he clarifies for me - " I went after three more times with my car . " He admits to debating whether it was time to go in from the playground . So we 're looking for games that focus on listening . Simon Says . Red Light / Green Light . Any other suggestions ? Daddy stayed home today to bring Logan to preschool . The four of us went over together because Logan decreed it a family experience . We were getting ready to leave and I attempted to pry Megan from the Dora books in the corner . " Go tell Logan good - bye ! " I urged her . She toddled over to where Logan was busy playing with a few trucks . She patted his head a few times and smiled at us . Mrs S and Mrs R both said , " Awe , how cute . " Then Megan giggled . She leaned over her brother who was seriously ignoring her attempts at cuteness . She grabbed hold of his head in both arms and bear hugged it . She kissed him and said " Bye - bye brabah ! " And then she ran back to the table covered in a Dora table cloth . Mrs S commented on Megan 's farewell and said to Logan , " Wow , you must be the very best big brother for your sister to want to hug you like that ! " And Logan said " Yup , I am . " Logan 's preschool does a half - class - half - day thing on the very first day . Meaning today , 7 members of his class attended from 9 - 10 : 10 and the remaining 6 went from 10 : 20 - 11 : 30 . Logan was in the 2nd half , which sort of stunk because he began yelling at me to hurry up or he 'd be late at 7 : 15 this morning . Thank goodness he was easily distracted by a Clifford game on the computer and then some " exercise " ( he likes to jog & walk around our neighborhood ) . I knew he was nervous even though he wasn 't saying it . He was up a few times in the night with nightmares . He was acting out more than normal . And he was more likely to get upset over little things . However , when we got to his classroom he found a toy he liked and jumped right in . He smiled for a photo . He humored me by looking at his name written on a star on the class bulletin board . Then he said " Hey , Mommy . You can go now . Bye . " So I went . Except Megan didn 't think that was a great idea , because apparently Megan thinks she 's ready for preschool to . She screamed the whole way out of the school wing until she found balloons to play with . She enjoyed her special time of play and then amused herself by visiting every member of the church staff as we waited outside the nursery school wing to pick Logan up . They opened the doors that section off the church from the school . We walked down the hall and found the classes still behind their own closed doors . Logan was seated at a table with his classmates doing the hand motions for the clean - up song the teacher was teaching them . Megan was trying to grab the picture of Dora the Explorer from off the classroom door . And then the door opened . Logan saw Megan first . Then me . He ran over to say hi . Gave me a hug and said " I had a great time . I love school ! " Megan was off and running . She loves preschool toys . Did we mention that ? Logan decided to show us everything in his room . His teacher asked for a hug goodbye and he ran over to oblige . Meg , again , cried the entire way out because she wanted to stay . Logan was one giant Posted by I 've been sitting here filling out paperwork . Not just paperwork , mind you , but the sort of forms actual parents get to fill out when their child starts something like school . In this case it 's my child and he 's starting preschool tomorrow . Today was a big ' milestone ' day for me as parent , not to mention my children . There 's the whole preschool thing . We spent today eating meals picked out / prepared by Logan ( grilled cheese for dinner for example ) . We took a trip over the bridge to the boardwalk as a mini - last day of summer celebration . We read through the names of the kids in his class on his request - three times . Three times of me reading each first name and him repeating it . He seems to understand memorization techniques suddenly as he worked hard to store away these names for his later use . He 's nervous , but he won 't say it . Or at least he does not recognize it . He 's giddy and he 's been having a few more episodes of acting out . It got easier to deal with the attitude when I could understand where it came from . He 'll do fine in school . He 'll enjoy it . We 've talked about all the great things they 're going to do in class . Painting , reading , playing , singing , cutting , glueing - all things he adores doing . He 's excited enough to tell people that he 's excited about going without prompting . He volunteers the information every time we pass the building . I just stare at this little boy that has replaced my little toddler and find myself in awe . This person that he 's growing into is an amazing , kind , loving little soul with a zest for life . I caught myself remembering today ; I was thinking back to when he was just a helpless infant that couldn 't quite keep his head up . We walked by the brochures for the preschool and I was commenting on how far away three years seemed then . But it wasn 't . Those three years have come fast and now with a 2nd kid around to demand attention it moves faster . Speaking of the other kid . Today was Megan 's birthday . I referred to Megan , out of habit perhaps , as " baby girl " this morning . Logan stPosted by Well the photo of Megan all decked out in her boa - best with the pig tails didn 't quite come out . I wasn 't sure it would . We were in our sun room and the resulting photo has more light in some sections than in others - placing her face in a giant dark shawdow . Bummer . However , I can share this photo of Meg in pigtails : As well as this boa - decked and sunglass holding Megan . This photo is the one that will be added to the hallway gallery of annual kid pictures . She actually can / will put those glasses on properly . But sometimes , as you can see , she 'd rather chew on them . There is a whole lot more where those came from . ; ) If you 're a glutton for punishment drop a comment with your email and I 'll send you the link if I like you . ; ) I was packing my bags and preparing for an end . It was my last day home with my son as an only child . The very next evening I 'd be checking into the hospital to begin induction . My daughter would arrive less than a day later on September 12th . To mark the occasion we threw her birthday party today . A few kids of assorted ages and their assorted adults . Lots of gifts . Loads of food for a delighted nearly 1 - year old to smush with hands and mash with gums . She is understandably exhausted . I am taking a breather from birthday party preparations . Tomorrow is Megan 's 1st birthday party . She 's got the whole girlie girl pink " 1 " theme featuring a red headed little fairy princess . Her cake is a castle . It was intended to be a pleasant shade of pink castle with purple roof tops and deeper pink windows and trim . I should not be trusted with gel food coloring and frosting . I put in a tad too much of the " rose " colored dye for the main section of the castle cake : Megan now has a hot pink castle for her first ever birthday cake . I suppose its only fitting . The brightly colored cake will match her bigger than her size exhuberance for life ! Yes , yes , yes . I took a photo . I even took one of the cake I finished next to the picture of the cake I was sort - of - kind - of aiming for . The photo is a bit paler than I had thought I 'd do , but its a hell of a lot closer than where I ended up ! I promise , per Cath 's request , that photos of my Diva will be coming in short order . I need to make a confession : I am a digital camera hold out . Yes . I . Am . It 's sad ; I know . I am in love with my current camera and I refuse to move on to the " D " world until I can afford my current love 's digital equivalent . That said , a photo of my Diva is currently ensconced in my Nikon N65 . Her birthday party is this weekend . I will be using the current roll of film and then some . As soon as its all developed , I promise to scan in and share . I think I 'm raising a night club singer . It occured to me the other day that Meg 's hair may now be long enough to get it up in the " oops , too small for me ! " pony tail holders . I had picked up months ago and then , upon realizing my error , I tucked them away in Megan 's drawn for " someday " . So yeah , now she can get to pig tails at either side - they just stick out to the side of her head . Its actually cute because the ends curl up a little . Well the moment she was decked out in her new do , she wrapped her feather boa around herself and is now playing the maracas . Bruce has taken an unexpected trip to upstate NY to visit his ailing mother . Ailing is putting it mildly , for what its worth . It always rattles our routine when he travels , but more so when its a last minute thing . Today I had to work , as I normally do on a Tuesday . We were running late because just as I was about to step into my slacks , a child woke up . And then just as I was going to to attempt to finish dressing , the other one called me to his room . By the time Grandma showed up and then by the time we all made our way out the front door , I was frazzled . I bent down to kiss Logan goodbye and he admonished me for not getting to the van quick enough so he could press the numbers on the garage door code panel to close it . I pecked a kiss on his head anyway , and then I kissed Megan . I backed out of the driveway and paused to be sure the garage door was staying down - its been quirky about that lately with one of the senors misaligned . I waved to Logan . He giggled and waved back . I waved to Megan and she yelled " Buh - buh ! " as she flapped her arm . Then I blew her a kiss . And she blew me one right back . She touched her finger tips to her lips and then she pulled her hand away until her palm was flat out before her . Yeah , that made my day . As adults its easy to get pulled into the chaos of the world around us . As parents , our children have a way of pulling us back into our own little microcosm . They have a way of reminding us that sometimes we need to step back from the big picture and just focus on the little unimportant things . My kids have done that for me this past week . With Internet news outlets and cable TV it 'd be easy to get sucked into the vortex of " all horror , all the time . " It 'd be easy to become consumed by the sorrow . Yet my children have held back the onslaught by being their very unique , naive , adorable selves . - - While at the craft store the other day I broke down and picked up pieces of what will become Meg 's Halloween costume . She 's going to be a black cat . I 'm fully aware that Halloween is two months away - but the last time I waited to buy any holiday related stuff at a craft store , I was Thanksgiving craft kit - less in mid - October . Anyway , we bought a set of furry ears on a headband and a fluffy , fake - furry boa that I will convert into a tail and a neck ruffle for her . She clearly loved rubbing her face in the feather boas on display . She liked having them draped around her shoulders so they tickled her neck and cheeks . So I bought her two - a black one for her outfit and a white one to play with . When we got home , I placed the white one on her . She got all smiley and giddy to have it . She played for a while but it became clear her wardrobe addition wasn 't going to stay on , so I took it off . I started down the hallway to put it away in her room . Megan moved as quickly as she could - almost all out running behind me as she yelled in her very well rehearsed , pissed - off - toddler voice , " BOA ! BOA ! BOA ! MAH BOA ! " - - Logan wasn 't with us when we purchased the cat - supplies . He did , however , get a good look at them today when the two of them located the bag I thought I had hidden away . Megan has become fairly adapt at putting things on her head / face like sunglasses and headbands . She proved it again with her cat ears . I adjusted them slightlPosted by I 'm frustrated . I 'm frustrated but not in the way that it seems so many others are , because frankly I 'm frustrated with those very people . Look , let 's get one thing clear - I don 't think the response to the unimaginable disaster in the Gulf States has been all it could be / should be . However , I also don 't think NOW is the time to give a hoot about who 's fault that is . Really people , we 're less than a week into the worst natural disaster any of us can claim to have seen in our natural lifetimes . People are still dying on the streets . They are hungry . They are scared . They are at risk of disease and gunshot . They are thirsty . They are homeless . And instead of investing our time and energy into helping then , we 're going to bitch about who 's fault it is ? I 'm sorry , but I just don 't see how that 's productive . So much blaming happening . Blame FEMA . Blame Bush . Blame the police . Blame . Blame . Blame . How about we take a deep breath and actually blame the one and only thing truly responsible for the entire disgusting display of hell on earth ? The damn storm . How about we take a moment from bashing the Feds and recognize that local officials had no plan . They had no mechanism to communicate in the wake of the destruction because they did little beforehand to prepare even though they knew this powerful storm was barreling down on them . How about we give up the notion of comparing the horrific event of 9 / 11 to a multi - day natural disaster . One ripped our sense of security to shreds . The other left a city and its infrastructure under water - - inaccessible , unsafe and unhealthy . We make a lot of assumptions about what should be done , what COULD be done , because we watch one of those obnoxious 24 / 7 " news " stations . Yet who among us really is feet on the streets there to know for sure what really could take place ? I 've heard reports today that the National Guard is having difficulty getting through the high waters around the Superdome to bring much needed relief . Do you get it ? Do you ? Its not just that no one tried to get in - - no onePosted by When I was about 12 we were hit with a hurricane . It wasn 't anything near the brutality of Katrina , of course . It wasn 't anything even remotely close to anything that slammed into Florida a year ago . I mean really , let 's face it , by the time a storm trucks up the Eastern Seaboard , its not packing a full - strength punch on the coast of Jersey . No one could stand in my parents garage today - too many boxes and old junk there now . Back then , however , it was functional . I have very clear , vivid memories of sitting in the garage , door open , as the eye of the storm passed over . The eery calm that suddenly appeared and then suddenly disappeared as ravaging winds and driving rains resumed . The moment it appeared the storm was starting its second round of assault we hurried back inside . We sat in the innermost parts of the home , away from the windows my father had placed big taped " X 's " on . We lived about 10 blocks from the Bay . We had been invited to evacuate , but didn 't . My mom quickly reminded me of that the other morning when I wondered why those people wouldn 't leave when encouraged to . " But , Mom , " I said softly , " it wasn 't a category 5 barreling down on us . It just isn 't the same thing . " I ache for the people that have lost everything . I grieve for the families that will learn someone they loved didn 't survive . I shiver when I wonder how long this area will suffer the lingering effects of nature 's cruel side . But I have to say - sometimes I wonder what type of news from that region upsets me most - the leveled cities left in the wake of the storm , or the worst in human nature surfacing in the turmoil . I read about a first responder who was shot while trying to rescue someone . I emailed my best friend . She 's an emergency medicine doctor whose job entails leaping on a plane and rushing to the sites of major disasters and medical crisis . When the world is not upside down on its head , she works in the ER of a hospital . Things like Katrina , however , would normally pull her from her home . She 'd leave her husband and 2 - year oldPosted by |
I was sitting in my car at a stoplight today when it hit me : I am not happy . I don 't feel joy right now . Sure , I can laugh at things that are funny and still crack sarcastic jokes , but the actual feeling of JOY is just absent right now . I feel sadness , loss , grief , loneliness . . . but not joy . Depressing , huh ? At first , sitting at that stoplight today , that 's what I thought . But , I realized that while I don 't feel joy right now , I do feel what I like to call " anticipatory joy " . Isaac used to tell me the one thing he actually liked about being in pain , was the way it felt when the pain was finally gone . ( I imagine he 's feeling amazing right now ! ) So now , here I am - feeling the pain of grief . . . but anticipating the joy that will come when that pain is finally numbed a little . The joy that will follow when I get through this grief . Psalm 30 : 5b says " . . . weeping may remain for a night , but rejoicing comes in the morning . " I am holding tight to that promise right now . I remember the days before Isaac and I got married , and I was counting down the days to the wedding . I loved driving with my windows down blaring " The Best Thing " by Relient K and just feeling so overflowing with joy . I know I 'll get there again . I know it won 't be easy . I know I have an awesome God , loving family , and amazing friends to help me . I know there will be a day where I am driving , windows down , radio blaring , and feeling joyful . But for now , I 'm letting myself be sad , cry when it hits me , curl up on my couch and wallow when I need to , and trying to move forward the best I know how . Posted by At 6 : 30 yesterday morning , my Isaac quietly left earth and entered the glorious gates of Heaven . I wanted to share with you a glimpse of that precious time . Tuesday , Isaac was unresponsive . He didn 't say a word , barely moved , and only opened his eyes once all day . I knew this meant that he was nearing death , I just had no idea how near he was . In the morning , he lay there in bed just groaning and breathing very uneasily . I switched him from nasal canulla to an oxygen mask and that eased his discomfort . That evening , I started to hear his breath become raspy and a bit " gurgly " . I know that is one of the signs that a person is in their last hours , but I have heard Isaac breath that way before - even before we called in hospice . I figured he had more fluid on his lungs and I 'd call the nurse first thing in the morning . Around 4 : 30 Wednesday morning , I awoke to hear him groaning again . His breath was very uneasy and it was obvious he was uncomfortable . He was breathing like he had just run a mile . I gave him some morphine and Ativan ( an anti - anxiety that helps calm him ) , waited 30 minutes , and when those meds didn 't seem to help , I called the on - call hospice nurse . At about 5 : 15am , she had me repeat the doses of the meds , plus give him another to help dry up the fluid in his lungs . After about a half hour , he was breathing really comfortably . In fact , it was the most comfortable I had seen him breathing in a few days . I thought the storm had passed and we 'd be okay for a little longer . I looked at the clock , saw it had been an hour since I gave him the meds and it was time to repeat . I told him I was going to get more meds and stepped into the kitchen . I poured some coffee , grabbed his meds , and when I came back into the dining room , he was gone . I could see he wasn 't breathing and couldn 't see his heart beating in his chest . He was just gone . That 's the technical , medical play - by - play . But , something more important was happening in that time between 5 : 30 and 6 : 30am while I waited for the meds to ease his discomfort . I decided there was no way I 'd be able to go back to sleep , so I pulled out my Bible and sat down at his bedside . I read to him from the Psalms ( I remember reading Psalm 121 and Psalm 23 , plus many others ! ) , Isaiah 55 ( 8 - 9 were his life verses ) , and Revelation 21 - 22 . Here 's a verse I remember reading and praying " He who testifies these things says ' Yes , I am coming quickly . ' Amen . Come , Lord Jesus . " ( Rev . 22 : 20 ) . I prayed as I read that " Yes , Lord , come . . . come for him quickly " and the Lord answered ! I also pulled out my phone , and turned on my Pandora app to my Hillsong station . For some reason , I started writing down the son gs that were playing in that last hour . The first song was " This is Our God " , which I just found to be so peaceful and comforting . Then , " Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus " came on and that 's when I thought I should write the songs down because I knew God was telling us something . . . little did I know , it is very possible Jesus was right there with us just asking Isaac to see Him . Next , came " Spoken For " , which really got me . . . it says ' take this world from , I don 't need it anymore , I am finally free ' - and I think that 's probably exactly how Isaac was feeling . The list also included , " Desert Song , " " Your Love , Oh Lord , " and " Your Grace is Enough " . The last song that was playing was called " Came to My Rescue " - Wow ! ! ! Came to Isaac 's rescue , indeed ! " I called , You answered . You came to my rescue and I want to be where You are . " But for me , the songs and the verses were not the sweetest part . I am so glad to know that in his last hour , Isaac was hearing the Word of God and praises to His name . But . . . I am the most joyful knowing in his last hour I was there . I was holding his hand , I was telling him over and over that I was right there with him , that I 'd do everything I could in my power to ease his pain , that he was a wonderful hPosted by When I first heard the song " He Loves Us " ( the David Crowder version ) , I immediately loved it . I couldn 't put my finger on it right then , but there was something in that song that spoke deeply to me beyond the simple chorus of " He loves us , oh how He loves us " . I 've listened to it many times since then , and it 's taken me a few weeks - but this week I 've finally landed on what I love so much about that song . Here is the first verse , then I 'll tell you what I see in it . He is jealous for me , Loves like a hurricane , I am a tree , Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy . When all of a sudden , I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory , And I realize just how beautiful You are , And how great Your affections are for me . It starts out " He is jealous for me " . The first of the 10 Commandments says that we are to worship no other gods but Him . " You shall not bow down to them or worship them ; for I , the LORD your God , am a jealous God " ( Ex . 20 : 5a ) As I began examining my life , I started to really see the meaning in this simple phrase " He is jealous for me " , especially when connected to that 1st commandment . God is a jealous God . He wants to be first in our lives . . . and I have to confess , He has not been first in mine . Looking ahead to 2010 , I had been filled with disappointment , sorrow , and loss . One obvious loss in my life will be Isaac . And , there are other things that I will lose this year as well . One is my parents , who are a huge part of my life . They are retiring in June , selling their house , and driving off in an RV ( yes , you read that correctly ) . I will miss having them just a short drive away , spending Saturdays shopping with my mom , calling on my dad when I have car trouble , and just generally knowing they are nearby . Another loss in my life will be the team I teach with . In just the short few months I have been on team with them , I have come to rely heavily on them for a daily dose of humor , support , professional advice , encouragement , and lots of coffee . Next year , when the school year starts , I will be on a different team with mostly different people . I will miss my new friends on the Wildcat team , not just because I love teaching alongside them , but because they are incredible people who have become close friends of mine very quickly , and have given me immeasurable help and support during this difficult time . I can 't tell you the number of tears I have cried over these losses . . . the number of times I have asked God why . . . and the number of times I have dwelled " And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affection is for me " - well , that is where I am right now . I am realizing just how beautiful God is , but more importantly - how much He loves me . That even without my husband , with my parents far away , and on a new teaching team - God remains the same . " He loves us , oh how He loves us . " Something that has always impressed me , as well as most who know Isaac , is the way he has dealt with cancer . As we have sat around talking about Isaac here and there , something that a few people who know him well have mentioned is that Isaac never seemes to fit here on earth . Most of us have the " dream " for our life , we knew what we wanted to be when we grew up . . . but not Isaac . Since I have known him , he has gone through saying he could be a teacher , janitor , Best Buy employee , Blockbuster employee , volunteer at his favorite fish store , work at an aquarium , and many other possible careers ! He has always had such a wide variety of interests , and always said he never felt like he belonged here . Today I started reading back through Isaac 's old Facebook notes and saw so much evidence of his frustration with life on earth , his struggle with understanding God 's plan for his life , and his acceptance of the reality of death . So , I thought I 'd pull some quotes from some of his notes to share with you all . There 's a bunch , and if you read only one - scroll down to the very bottom and read the last one , it 's the best . I can 't really put my finger on it , but most of the time I am either out of sync with the rest of the world or people are just plain boring . I find that I feel so much older than my peers , but I 'm really not . I get frustrated though when people seem to go through the motions . It seems everybody has a plan for the future of when they will do then . What about now ? What are we going to do now ? I find that people say they will aspire to do something once they get their degree , then they will be able to do something " important " or whatever . The trouble with this thinking is that we find ourselves holding off the past " presents " the present and when we get to the future ( which will then be the present for us ) we continue to claim that we will do something in the future . Saturday , October 14 , 2006 For some reason though I still have a good attitude about this , its a little scary to think that I could die , but it is pretty liberating to know you are an unbound person , free of all the crap that the world throws at you , a world that says you need this or that to be somebody or to make a difference . For me its just living , living one day at a time , in the trust of Him who has given me this affliction , not for my glory , but for His . Wednesday , November 29 , 2006 It gets very boring very quickly in the hospital just because there really is no freedom , like to go outside , walk anywhere you want , its kinda like jail , and your sick and getting nailed with something else even other than imprisonment . Makes me wonder how many other 21 year olds are going through something like this again . I can 't help but wonder that , I feel so alone , with this . It is my burden to carry , and mine alone , I realize that , I will continue to live just like normal people who don 't have cancer or the pain that I carry around yet still smile about , cause I know that I as long as I 'm alive I have reason to be , simply that God still wants me here . Been thinking about how so many people look forward to so many things and when they get there , they look forward to something else , its like a cycle that never ends . I think this happens in life too much , we find ourselves in high school wanting not to be there waiting for the day that we start college . When we get to college and get used to it , we long for the day we graduate , so we can get a job . When we land that great job , what do we have to look forward to ? Retirement ? Perhaps we should look at life differently , that what is , is now . We long so much to see our dreams and goals achieved , yet when we do achieve them , we move on as if they never happened , on to another goal , another achievement . Bask in the beauty of the moment , every moment , whether it be a good one or a bad one , you may not have a next " moment " to hate or enjoy at all . It is good to think back about how things used to be with me . I was excited that I was going to be a missionary , my heart was for people in other countries that have never heard the gospel before , and I was going to be a part of that ! Now , I am in a different place and a different time . I 'm unsure of what I 'm supposed to do specifically for me . I flounder in so many ways , beckoned by obscure reasonings of other people only to come to the conclusion that reason alone will not suffice truth , no matter how hard I try . Perhaps God has given me this cancer to get me thinking deeper about issues that can be answered so easily by theology , the Bible and pastors or professors , but so hard to come by when you have to make the actual choice on a difficult matter . Maybe it is the experiential maturing that I need to someday use as a gift to other people , or perhaps it is a lesson that life is hard , and it should be that way because thats what makes it worth living for . I thank God for all the blessings he 's brought into my life . People who come from understanding backgrounds , people who have been through hell , and come out praising God for their afflictions not because it made them stronger Christians , but stronger Christians who " have been there " . They are an encouragement to me beyond words . Today I realized how much I don 't fit in still . I 'm so different from people , my worldview is lightyears away from most peoples . We don 't even think about the same things . I feel that all of my friends are awesome friends and they relate as best as they can to me , but at times I still feel at loss for somebody to really connect to . I don 't know if this is a good thing or not . Perhaps I need to see what other people are thinking , understand who they are , to take some time to sit down with somebody and just talk for a couple of hours . I hope " normalcy " comes soon , I want to be one of you again . Thursday , July 26 , 2007 Sorry for a such a strange title , don 't worry , I have no intentions of committing suicide of any sort . I just came to the realization that death is so much closer to us than any of us think . I am exicted to die to see what reality of life is beyond this . I have hope that what I believe as a Christian is what will happen . I will not be naive and say that I know 100 % that when I die I will go to heaven , I have a hope grounded in faith , not blind faith , but a faith that is backed up by many evidences and rational that I will go to heaven . You can 't really know anything 100 % , but you sure can come close , faith takes you the rest of the way . Another reason for being excited is that I won 't have to deal with this cancer crap anymore , It 'll be done and instead of a body of flesh and bones , I 'll be a body of flesh and spirit ! I can 't see getting bone cancer if I don 't have any bones ! haha On the flip side , I realize the scaryness of death . What if I am completely and utterly wrong about the afterlife ? What if things are exactly the opposite of what I now believe ? What happens then ? I am also coming to realize that death is lonely , even if you die in the presence of other people , it is something that you do utterly alone when you are " gone " , well unless you join the huge massive collection of souls as some hindu 's and buddhists believe . I 've gotten tons of cards , emails , Facebook messages , and phone calls from the many who are supporting us through this journey . I love getting them , and being reminded that we are not alone in this ! However , there are some things that people say that just really do not help . For example : " Well , you knew this [ Isaac 's death ] was a possibility when you started a relationship with him " . As if that really make this easier ? Yes , I knew , before I even became friends with Isaac , that he had cancer and it was serious . I knew after every single scan that came back with a new spot of cancer , that this day could be coming . I knew when I said " in sickness and in health " in my wedding vows , that we would probably have more sickness than we would have health . I knew all of these things . . . but does that mean losing my husband is any easier ? I was telling someone this week about him , and they said how hard it must be , and another person said " Oh well she knew this was a possibility " . Really ? Obviously they didn 't mean to minimize the situation the way they did , but really ? I was thinking about it while watching the Olympics . We talk and talk about those who go into the Olympics as " medal contenders " . But , there are the people who go into the Olympics with no hope of winning a medal . They go in , compete , do their best , and leave - knowing from the beginning that they aren 't the best and aren 't going to win a medal . Do you think , though , that they don 't at least hope ? I bet every single competitor has imagined their perfect scenario . They think that maybe , just maybe , they will have the performance of a lifetime and the " medal contenders " mess up , and the stars will align and they 'll get to stand on the podium with that shiny medal around their neck . They know it 's not likely , but I bet they hope . That 's how Isaac and I entered our marriage . We knew that his cancer was rare and didn 't have a great prognosis . But we hoped - we hoped that maybe the next treatment would slow things down enough until a better treatment came along . . . and that treatment would shrink things enough until maybe one day , we 'd get our gold medal . We 'd find the treatment that worked . We knew it wasn 't likely , but we hoped . We went in , gave it our best , and here we are . We didn 't get the medal we hoped for - but boy , did we try . . . and I think it was the performance of the lifetime ! " As for me , my life has already been poured out as an offering to God . The time of my death is near . I have fought the good fight , I have finished the race , and I have remained faithful . And now the prize awaits me - the crown of righteousness , which the Lord , the righteous Judge , will give me on the day of his return . And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his appearing . " ( 2 Timothy 4 : 6 - 8 ) There 's been a blog brewing in my mind for a few days now , but I just have had trouble putting it together . The week of Feb 12th - Feb19th contains some important days for me . First , February 12th was Isaac 's 25th birthday ! We had a few friends over , sang to him , and had some ice cream cake - Isaac even had a few bites of the ice cream ! The day was bittersweet for me though , as I was feeling a little regret in my heart . Last year , I didn 't do anything big for his birthday and I told him that this year we 'd do something special . We had a 4 day weekend , and I thought at first maybe we 'd go somewhere on a trip . Then , when we decided on hospice , I was planning to just have an open house birthday party for him . I didn 't imagine I 'd be feeding him ice cream cake in a hospital bed . Second , is of course , Valentine 's Day . Sigh . For years , I thought about how wonderful it would be to actually have a Valentine ! I can 't actually remember what we did for Valentine 's Day last year ( how bad is that ? ! ) . This year is strange for me . . . my first married Valentine 's Day . I just don 't even know what to say other than , it 's certainly not how I expected to be spending my first married V - Day ! Third , February 19th will mark 2 years since Isaac and I made the leap into couplehood . I can 't remember the exact date , but sometime around Valentine 's Day 2 years ago , Isaac was in the hospital . I visited him , and left him a Valentine card . In it , I shared with him that I had feelings for him , and thought we should pursue a relationship . It took a little coaxing , but he eventually admitted he felt the same . It was just different for him , he wasn 't sure that he wanted to let me in like that , feeling it wouldn 't be fair to me to ask me to be in a serious relationship when his future was so uncertain . I knew though , that I already loved him too much to just ignore it ! And so , our relationship began ! This is just such a weird place that I am in right now . Our CNA called it " coasting " , which really does describe how I feel . I am sure that my mind and body are just going to crash once he is gone . But for now , I feel like I am on autopilot . I get around 4 - 6 hours of sleep a night , never all in a row though . Yet , I am not exhausted . I hardly cry anymore , I just hold it together somehow . Many people have told me how strong I am , and this whole experience is certainly showing me that I am stronger than I thought ! But , I think you would be doing the same thing if you were in my situation . You don 't really have a choice . You have to be strong , because if you just fall all apart , who will be there to help your loved one ? I believe we rise to the occassion . I do what I have to do , and lean heavily on Christ and the help of others . I break down sometimes , but I don 't stay down ! Yesterday there was a lot of laughter in our house ! Isaac was in rare form ! The day began with him deciding , at 8 am , that he needed to sit up so I went to sit next to him because he is a ltitle unsteady , then decided that he would climb off his bed and into my air mattress - where he fell asleep for 2 1 / 2 hours ! I asked him why he was getting in my bed and he said " for kicks and giggles " - haha ! This is what our dining room looks like at night ! ( but usually he is in the other bed ! ) Then , our friend Ned and his daughter came over . Ned asked Isaac how he was doing and this was the conversation . . . Isaac : People ! She 's not letting me having any good drinks here ! Isaac ( to Ned ) : Well , she 's only going to let me have half . It was too cute ! ( and he had a second glass of chocolate milk later in the evening ! ) He had some Sprite yesterday evening too , and says " That 's so good ! I love how it 's like WOOSH in your mouth ! " - he always has loved a " peppy " soda , as he calls it . Then , before bed I asked him who I am ( he was getting a little confused ) and he says " The one who kicks my butt " - darn , right ! My favorite part of the day lately is around 10 : 30pm . That 's about the time that all of our visitors have left , and the only sounds in the house are the fish tank and the oxygen machine . I climb into bed beside Isaac and hold him in my arms . I read him the cards and notes we 've gotten in the mail , or some Scripture . I sing him what became our somewhat unconventional song - A Bushel and a Peck . I 'm not even sure how or when we started that , but somewhere in our relationship he said to me " I love you a bushel and a peck " , and it just stuck . So , I read to him , sing to him , and then pray over him . It 's such a sweet time , and I 'm so thankful we have those moments together . Last night , after I " tucked him in " , a line from a song popped into my head . " Hungry I come to You for I know You satisfy " from Hungry , the version done by Kutless . I have the Kutless CD with that song on it , but I 'm not sure why it popped into my head like that when I hadn 't heard it in weeks . So , I looked up the song on YouTube and the lyrics . The part that spoke most to my heart was the lines " Broken I run to You for Your arms are open wide . I am weary but I know Your touch restores my life . So I wait for You . " There are a few things in those few words that speak to where I am right now . First , " broken " - if I could sum up all the feelings I feel in one word , it is broken . Broken , to me , means I 've fallen apart but I can be put back together . Broken , but not beyond repair . And , when we are broken , and run into the arms of God - He is the one who lovingly picks up our shattered pieces and puts them back together . Often , He puts them back together into a different and better version than before . His touch restores our weary souls . Weary . . . not tired . . . but weary . That 's a good word for how I feel . I 'm not tired . I think I 'm running on about 4 hours of restless sleep a night , but even when I have the chance to nap , I am not tired . ( some of that , I must admit , is thanks to my friends at Dunkin Donuts ) I am weary though . Weary in a way that no amount ofBut , it 's the last line that I love the most . I 've listened to this song a ton of times and never really registered that line until last night . " So I wait for You " . . . that 's what we 're doing here . We 're not waiting for Isaac to die , but rather we are waiting for Jesus to be ready to come get him . It makes me think back to a song I used to love before Isaac and I started dating ( and , for the record , before the movie Fireproof caused it to become overplayed ! ) , " Worship in the Waiting " . Before , I was choosing to worship God in the waiting for Him to bring Isaac and I into a relationshop . . . and now I am choosing to worship Him while I wait for Him to take Isaac home . Posted by Even though I am sad , and seem to be on the edge of tears every minute , I feel such peace today . It is at times like this , when we are going through the worst , that we get the chance to see the best in other people . I have seen Jesus all around us these past few days , and think I should share some of my glimpses with you . After our first really rough night Thursday , I drive to school thinking I 'm not sure how much longer I can keep working . When I arrive at school , I find that some dear friends had arranged it so I could stop working Friday . When I shared this with another friend at church on Sunday , she teared up because on Friday morning she had been praying for that exact thing . I have seen Jesus in the friends who have sat by Isaac 's bedside and kept me company . I have seen Him in 2 friends , who come daily to sit and just be near Isaac . I have seen him in another friend , who came home from out of town this weekend and was here by Isaac 's side every day . God 's love is in the meals I have received , the email and comments I get , the texts and phone calls , and many offers to help with our needs . I saw Jesus this morning when I got a Facebook message from a high school friend who said at 3am , God brought me to her mind and she was praying for me . Unknown to her , at 3am I was crying out to God for help . Isaac had wet his bed , and I was by myself at 3 in the morning trying to get him to let me change his sheets and clothes . God heard my prayers - and answered . But , the place I have most seen Jesus through all of this , is in Isaac . Last night I whispered to him " Do you still think God is good ? " and he mummbled " MM hmm " and nodded . Last night , I got a measure of peace when I was Isaac said to me ' In Heaven , I won 't have to worry about this . I won 't have to have this feeling . No more pain . " So yes . . . this is the most difficult thing I have ever gone through . It 's the lowest valley and the dryest desert . But God is in it with me . He shows His face daily . I will be okay . please keep it in order to retain your counter functionality Every time you pay an insurance premium you live longer . and further it can be said that quality health insurance quotes may intuitively improve the status of the buyer . Don 't neglect your insurance - it can save you . moving , movers |
I think we have all the kinks worked out of the new computer set up . I can now blog from the comfort of anywhere , while still accessing the pictures on the office computer . Hubby had to get a new external drive to hold all the photos . Apparently , we were one upload of kid or quilt pictures away from filling up the hard drive . I didn 't think I took that many pictures . Who knew ! I finally finished the binding . See how neat it is ? No visible stitches ! Doesn 't the lavender minky play nicely with top ? See how the binding coordinates with the other lavenders , but isn 't matchy , matchy . And here is the whole quilt . All completed . Hubby isn 't big on the process . He prefers if I show him the finished product . I used to show him my knitting and proclaim victory when I was done knitting , but hadn 't yet finished it - sewed seams , wove tails etc . He started calling me on it , because I 'd never get around to the fiddly icky stuff like weaving tails . I had projects sit around for years 99 % done . He refused to give any kudos until it was COMPLETELY finished . At first I was majorly annoyed , being deprived of my expected head pats was hard . But , you know what , I started finishing projects completely because I didn 't get any acknowledgement until they were done . Now that the system has been in place for a while , it 's a good thing . Now I finish something completely before I mentally move on to the next project . I 'm even learning that the fiddly finishing details aren 't as bad as I thought they were and don 't take nearly as much time as I thought . I 'm EVEN learning to to enjoy the meditative process of sewing a binding by hand . Now when I finish a project and show it to Hubby , I get kudos and satisfaction that there are no fiddly finishing details still left to be done . I technically finished the zig zag quilt for my sister in law a week ago , but as I mentioned things have been crazy . I got the mistakes corrected . Remember how I stayed up too late and sewed past the point of competence . It was easy to fix , but I 'm glad I caught it before I sewed the long strips together . After you get all the diagonals sewn together , then you trim the points off . I picked up a great piece of lavender minky with blue dots for the backing and got to basting . I like to work on the living room rug . It 's flat , but soft on the knees and the friction provided by the rug keeps everything from shifting . Once I got everything pinned I started to tie . I wimped out . I 'm a coward . I was too afraid to trying quilting the minky . My story , and I 'll stick to it , is that I wanted a really soft drapey quilt and I thought quilting it would make it stiff . Then I got to the binding . I used a two tone lavender feather on white . I used to hate doing the binding , now I look forward to it . The delightful woman who does quilting for me , convinced me that I should try hand sewing the binding . I was skeptical , hand sewing seemed like a pain . However , the finished product is so perfect , and hand sewing turns out to be so meditative , that now I 'm thinking about going back and redoing , my old quilts . Ok , maybe not redoing the old quilts , but it really is lovely . I use an invisible stich that I learned in a doll making class . It 's called the zipper stitch , but I 've also seen it called the ladder stitch . Whatever you call it , it completely disappears , unlike a whip stitch . This is a pretty big quilt , more than 50 inches on a side , so sewing the binding took me a few nights in front of the TV . I 'm still here , I 've been so busy quilting and doing family things I haven 't had time to post . My grandmother 's funeral was wonderful . It sounds strange to say that , but it was so wonderful to reconnect with family members that I hadn 't seen in many years . Then , it was the wee monsieur 's birthday and I was working every spare moment to get ready for his party and get his quilt finished in time . Well , I missed the deadline on the quilt and didn 't get it finished until late last night . I laid it out where he would see it first thing this morning , but he ignored it and then wasn 't terribly impressed . Sigh ! I wasn 't expecting a huge reaction , after all it 's a quilt , not a transformer , but a little something would be nice . He 'll appreciate it later . After we got home from running errands this morning , the woman who does my quilting called to say she was done with the quilt she was working on for me . I had to run off and get it . I 'm just blown away . I 'll post pictures as soon as I can . I have to to the binding , but I think I 'll post pictures anyway , because the quilting she did , just elevates the whole piece . In other news , my husband has been hard at work rewiring all the electronics and updating everything that needs updating . I asked him if he could figure out a way for me to access the office computer , where we keep all the data like pictures , from the laptop . This is important because it would be nice to be able to blog from the laptop , as I 'm doing now , but still be able to use pictures located on the office computer . He thinks he 's got it figured out , but as he 's currently backing up the hard drive on the office computer , I can 't test it out . So hopefully soon I 'll be able to blog from the laptop but also post pictures . Won 't we all enjoy that ? I 've been working on a cuddle quilt for his birthday , but it 's not even close to being done . I guess that 's what happens when you don 't work on anything for a week . Remember the random log cabin squares ? Well , I 'm working on a bunch more , but I don 't think i 'm going to have quite enough scraps , so I might have to improvise . In the mean time , I have cupcakes to make for him to bring to preschool tomorrow . You know how when you 've been really busy doing something , you say you are a machine . I 've been a cleaning machine , an exercise machine , etc . That expression doesn 't work so well when what you 've been doing is sewing . Anyway , I 've been a sewing machine lately , which is to say I 've been busy . I finally finished sewing the borders on the Happy Robot quilt for my son . That 's a lot of fabric to manipulate on your own . I 'm really pleased with how I got the squares in the corners to line up perfectly . I sewed on one piece of the rocket border and then trimmed the end once it was sewn on . Then I took the next piece of rocket border and sewed the blue corner square to one end . I took that piece and sewed it to the quilt and then trimmed the end of the rocket fabric even . Repeat on the last two sides . On the last side I stopped sewing about 6 inches from the end , trimmed the rocket fabric to size and sewed the blue corner square to it and finished sewing the border on . It was so much easier than measuring a million times , cutting and sewing the border pieces independently only to have something end up the wrong size anyway . Next I tackled the backing . I was too cheap to go buy many , many yards of the coordinating fabric from the LQS . So I hit J 's with a 40 % off coupon , to see what they had . I was thinking a solid yellow , orange or blue , but they didn 't have a perfect match and this yellow orangey stripe was actually cheaper . I got 8 yards which was everything on the bolt . It 's not a perfect match , but at $ 15 for 8 yards I can live with it . I made a center stripe with the strip going perpendicular to the big pieces and used some scraps to piece the center . I love a pieced back , the lady who does my quilting , not so much , but this is just a little and she 'll live . I 'm not going to be around for the rest of the week . My grandmother died Saturday and I 'm flying to Ohio for her funeral . I 'm named for my grandmother and she taught me to needlepoint among other things . It was her time to go , but she will still be sorely missed . My grandmother was an amazing botanist , her home has thousands of daffodils and she could tell you the variety of every single one . This is her at the daffodil show in 2005 . She always raised her hand like that when she was going to tell you one little thing . At the time , I didn 't think anything of having captured that motion , but now the photo is priceless , because it captures her as she lived and spoke . Over Christmas vacation we were at the in law 's house and I finished up my hand sewing projects pretty quickly . That left me with nothing to do except surf the internet looking for quilting inspirations . I started a flickr account and favorited all the quilts that caught my eye . After a few hours of this , I went back through the pictures and found that there were a couple of patterns I had saved over and over again . One of them was a zig zag pattern . I 'm not quite good enough that I want to do triangles yet . Bias sewing , shudder ! However , I found this tutorial for how to do a zig zag quilt using squares . Crazy Mom Quilt 's zig zag without triangles tutorial . Another design feature that caught my eye again and again , was quilts with a lot of white in them . I thought I 'd combine the two ideas and make a quilt for for sister in law , who is having a baby girl in April . Her favorite color is purple , so I wanted that color to be a feature , but not the only color . For the zig zags you first start with 3 inch wide strips . You sew a colored strip to a white strip . and then cut squares that are half white and half colored . I was quite sure how many I would end up needing , because Crazy Mom 's pattern was for a smaller quilt than I wanted to make . I have a great piece of lavender with blue dots minky that was 60x60 , that I wanted to use as the back . I wanted to use most of the minky , so I was shooting for 50x50 . Also , I wasn 't sure how I wanted to arrange the colors . I 'm a sucker regular color progressions . However , I still needed to know how many blocks and of each color . Given the end dimension I wanted , I did some quick math . The square blocks are arranged on their points , so if you know the side dimensions of the square you can figure out how long it is from point to point . A squared plus B squared equals C squared . Thank you geometry and the scientific calculator on the computer ! Because I sure don 't remember how to get a square root on a regular calculator . To all the math teachers I tortured over the years . I 'd like to apologize now . You do need math in the real world , after all ! I figured out I could have 8 zig zags , but I had 5 colors , and I didn 't really want to drop a color . Eventually , I decided that I 'd do two zigs of each of the purple , pink and blue and one zag of the green on one end and one of the yellow on the other end . I 'm hoping it looks like the pattern is two of each color and the green and yellow had simply gotten cut short . This is as far as I got the second night . I was tired but very pleased with myself , until I noticed and once again , I had sewed past my competency point . Do you see where I went wrong ? I got to spend some quality time with the seam ripper the next day . Fortunately the strips of squares hadn 't been sewn together yet and I only had to take apart that one strip . I also realized I was missing some squares , so I got to cut and piece some more white and colored blocks . My baby girl 's big girl bed was delivered today . I spent ages looking for just the right one . Hubby HATES metal beds , so that eliminated a bunch . The rest of her furniture is white , so I thought white was a good idea . We ended up getting her this one from PBK , surprisingly cheaper than anything similar we saw . We wanted something feminine , but not over the top girly . The head and foot boards have a bead board detail that goes nicely with the shabby chic thing that is sort of happening in her room already . Shabby chic is a great unifier for a bunch of hand me down mismatched furniture . Work with a consistent color scheme and you are good to go . Pink is an obvious choice for a girl 's room and there are two fabulous victorian chairs upholstered in an incredibly ugly pea soup green brocade that have no where else to live , so we needed to pull in some green . When we moved to our current house the petite mademoiselle 's room was already painted a fresh light green with a focal wall that had 3 horizontal stripes in 3 shades of green . Amazingly , the green walls of the room make the green brocade look good . Add some white furniture which lightens everything up and the whole thing works . I 'd take pictures , but she 's currently not feeling very well and I finally got her to sleep . I didn 't plan this post very well , sorry . When I bought her crib bedding eons ago , I bought the matching bed sheets too . You don 't often find a pink and green chinoserie toile . Now I get to make her a quilt . I 'd like to use her crib sheets and maybe even the crib skirt and bumpers in the quilt . My idea is that I 'd fussy cut the the toile scenes from the crib sheets to use as the centers of blocks . The only problem is that I don 't want to cut up the crib sheets until I 'm REALLY certain I know what my plan is . I won 't have enough pieces , from the crib sheets , to make all the blocks I 'll need , so I 'll need to alternate with something else . I just haven 't found a design that truly grabs me . For now I made up the bed with a quilt that was given to us for a wedding present . My wedding colors were pink and green , and those are the colors of the quilt , so it works nicely in the room . I haven 't worked on my son 's quilt at all . It seems like he 's always around when I have a moment to sew . I think I 'm going to call it the Happy Robot Quilt . The fabric has funny robots and the block pattern is from the Happy Hour book . So there you go . Instead I 've been eagerly anticipating some goodies in the mail . I got these goodies from overstock . No , I 'm not getting paid by them . I wish ! The big O , ( No , not Oprah ) is an oft overlooked source for all sorts of stuff . I got a smokin ' deal on my sewing machine from them last summer . This week I got a set of square rulers , one of those suction cup handles and a straight ruler . My wrists get sore when I cut a lot of fabric at once . Plus , I 'm seriously tired of one end of the strip being an eighth of an inch thinner than the other end because my hands slip a little as I 'm holding the ruler . I think the suction cup handle will be a big help . So what have I been working on this week ? I tried an exercise is letting go . I took all the little scraps and miscuts from the Happy Robot Quilt and I 've just been sewing them together . No planning , no cutting , just going with the flow . I 've been doing rough log cabin blocks and aiming for about 9 . 25 inches square . Here are the first few . I just pick two scraps to start that have at least one side that is approximately the same size . Sew them together , add a third along one side and so forth . Or should I say , " Sew , Forth ! " Oh , geez that would make a great blog title . I can 't help the puns . It 's a genetic thing , from my father and his father . It 's in my blood . I had one block left over from the front of the quilt and it is a 9 . 25 , so that is my guide . I 'd like to do a cuddle quilt . For real this time , it 's not going to turn into another full size . I think I 'm going to have to sash it pretty heavily to get the size I need . I love scrappy quilts , but I use my scraps so efficiently that I rarely have material to just play with . My first quilt is double sided , because I used ALL the scraps from the front to make a second quilt for the backing . Now , I 'm sad that there isn 't anymore of any of that fabric to play with because I used it all . Nikki is amazingly talented and we worked out a swap . She is making cupcake decorations and I will be forever in her debt . I 'll also send her a few unworthy offerings . Nikki makes jewelry , tiaras and bridal accessories at Tradewind Tiaras . Over the years she has made me many wonderful pieces , including all the jewelry I wore at my own wedding . I didn 't quite know what to do with it , so I didn 't buy any . I was trying to be good . Fast forward a few months . They had a big sale , so I bought a couple of yards total of a few different fabrics . Then I got inspiration . My son is having a robot birthday , he 's always asking for blankets to cuddle with on the couch . I decided to make him a cuddle quilt for his birthday . Of course I had to go back to get a few more fabrics from the collection and they were having a sale on 60x60 cuts of minky . I ended up picking the blue with black dots you can see in the picture . I 've never used minky , so that counts as stretching myself technically . I picked the Happy Hour pattern again and got to work . I didn 't really want to repeat patterns , as I had already used Happy Hour in my first quilt , but I really though the simplicity of the pattern would show off the fabrics well and be masculine at the same time . It is a quilt for my son after all . Plus , his birthday is at the end of January so time is short . Happy Hour is simple and sews up FAST . Well , I started cutting and sewing and quickly realized that I had enough fabric for a full sized bed quilt . Ooops ! Coincidentally , my son sleeps in a full sized bed . In for a penny , in for a pound right ? I still need to sew the border on . The blocks themselves are just 8 inches short of the proper size and I had 80 inches of the rocket fabric to make the border with . My advanced math skills calculated that I 'd need 2 widths of the fabric for each side , so I decided I should cut the rocket fabric into eight 10 inch strips . Perfect right ? Yeah , except for those pesky corners . Good thing I still have 1 / 2 a yard of one of the blues . I can cut corner squares out of that and go get more for the binding . Posted by I think I mentioned that I 'm going to be joining the local quilt guild as part of my goals to learn and grow as a quilter . Well , I just took the first steps to start a quilt club with my MOMS club . There 's no better way to learn a subject , than to help someone else learn it . On Sunday I spent the afternoon , helping a friend learn to sew because she wants to learn to quilt . Yay ! Watch TV while you craft ? I 've always found that I concentrate better if I have background noise going . In high school I did all my home work with the TV on , in college I wrote papers to the sound of movies or CDs running in the background . Now I quilt to the sound of movies I 've watched a 100 times . I have my sewing machine and ironing board set up so they face the TV . I can barely hear the TV over the sound of the sewing machine , and mostly of the time I 'm not even looking at it , but I like the back ground noise . I have a big selection of my favorite cheesy movies and I pop one in as I get to work . After last night 's post ended with a James Bond reference , I clearly had to pull out the complete Bond collection . Last nights selection was Live and Let Die , perhaps one of the worst of the bunch , but for some reason I was in the mood for it . I was watching a series of videos on youtube about quilting . This was right after I taught myself to do a yarn over by watching a video on youtube . ( If you don 't know what a yarn over is , it 's ok , I didn 't either for a long time . ) You can learn just about anything you might care to know , by watching a video on youtube . If you are a visual learner like me , this is amazing . You can try to teach me something verbally a million times and unless I see it , it will never stick . If I have to remember a phone number , I picture it in head , like it was written on a piece of paper , otherwise , poof ! It 's gone . Back to the topic at hand . One of the videos in this series was on basting , which I assumed meant basting with thread . I 'm pretty sure that 's what Little House on the Prairie meant when Laura talked about basting dresses together , which is the first time I read the word . Believe it or not , basting didn 't come up very often when I was growing up in suburban Maryland . In the video , thread was never used . I was pretty shocked . I know you must be as well . There was an aerosol can of adhesive , which looked pretty scary , and I 'm sure Ma Ingels is rolling over somewhere . There were also these babies . Ok , you don 't have to run off to google . A yarn over is a knitting term for purposefully making a hole in your project and increasing a stitch at the same time . Beginners tend to do this accidently , but if you know the term and make a bunch of them , then you can say you did it on purpose . Feel free to remind me of my disparaging remarks about spray adhesive basting . A year ago I would have said you were crazy if you told me I 'd be trying to teach myself free motion quilting in 2011 . I 'm even considering learning hand quilting . Never say never , unless you are James Bond . Last night I got caught up on some shows on the DVR , after the kids were asleep . Hubby was playing cards with the guys , so I had the house to myself . Around 10 pm , I finished with watching TV and thought , " hmmm , I could go to bed early and get caught up on my sleep . " Then I thought , " or I could go sew for just a little bit and get sister in laws quilt laid out while there aren 't children running across the basement floor . " Sleep or Sew ? What do you do when you ask yourself that question ? I answered sew . I put in a movie and said I 'd only sew until the movie was over . I got all the blocks done and the strips mostly sewn and pressed . The movie came to an end and I saw I only had a few blocks left to sew before I was done with all the strips . I finished and laid everything out on the floor to admire my work . Yeah , that 's when I realized I sewed those last few blocks in upside down . So sometimes you should listen to the little voice that says it 's time to go to bed . This morning I get rip a few seams . Sigh ! My son loves to play dress up . He finds it very convenient that I can sew and makes a lot of suggestions for projects for me to work on for him . For Halloween I made both a set of bat wings and a last minute Boba Fett ( bounty hunter from Star Wars ) costume when he changed his mind . We couldn 't buy a Boba Fett costume , 1 . because I don 't buy costumes , 2 . because he didn 't actually want to be Boba Fett , he wanted to be LEGO Boba Fett . He only knew Star Wars through the lego video game , so when I showed him pictures of an actual Boba Fett costume , he kept saying it was wrong . this is what I came up with . You can sort of see the bat wings I made for the petite mademoiselle along with my first attempt at a tutu . She wore it for about as long as it took me to take the picture . Sigh ! If you couldn 't tell from the picture , she was a bat fairy for Halloween . I did have to explain that one once or twice . Once she ripped off the tutu , we called her a bat . This brings us to today . The kids and I headed downstairs for some sewing for me and a movie / destroying the toy closet for them . As we were walking downstairs , the wee monsieur said , " Mama , I have a good idea . " I brace myself when ever he utters this phrase , because something outrageous or flagrante de lecto , usually follows . He continued , " Mama , you should sew me a beard . Isn 't that a good idea ? " Now , don 't worry , I didn 't fall down the stairs despite not being able to brace myself . This actually wasn 't the first time he had asked me to sew him a beard . You read correctly , my 4 year old has asked me to make him a beard more than once . Then he specified that it should be a grey beard . Oke - dokey , one grey beard coming up . I trotted over to my bin of fleece and grabbed two grey scraps probably left over from when I made knight helmets , cut triangles big enough to cover his face , off set them a bit and sewed along the top . Then I cut enough super thin elastic to go behind his head from ear to ear , sewed the elastic to one corner of the sewn together triangles , measured and sewed the elastic to the other corner . Finally , I cut a slit for his mouth . Hmmm . I appear to have a problem getting pictures to stay in the correct orientation . Well , just turn your head to the side for the moment and I 'll try and fix it later . He was VERY pleased with his new beard . Crafting for your kids can be fun and they are kids so they don 't know if you aren 't very good or hate finishing things properly . Fleece is great for kids dress up . It has enough body to make great armor and hats or um , beards . You don 't have to hem it , you can hot glue if needed and it is CHEAP . Boba Fett up above is all fleece as are the numerous knight helmets , armor , cowboy vests and gun belts that I 've made in the last few years . Between fleece and the oriental trading company , you can outfit a very nice dress up box for not very much money . I used to cook . I used to really enjoy cooking . When I was single and lived by myself , I 'd make a big pot of tomato sauce and eat spaghetti 3 meals a day for as long as it lasted . Then I 'd make the next thing and eat it until it was gone , etc . I could make whatever I felt like . Now there are 3 other people whom I have a moral obligation to feed and cooking isn 't quite so fun . Nobody else is willing to eat lasagna 3 meals a day for 4 days straight . Besides there are quilts to work on , who wants to cook when you can sew . Occasionally , I still hit one dish out of the proverbial park . This is a recipe I created last spring . What I really love about it is that all the ingredients can usually be found in the house . My kids LOVE this dish , they call it shrimp and noodles , I call it shrimp with shallot cream sauce . I think it was Tony Bourdain who wrote that two things a home cook can do to make meals taste more like restaurant food are using shallots and finishing sauces with butter . Check and Check ! I 'm going to channel Pioneer Woman for a moment . I promise not to do it very often . Assemble your ingredients , thawed frozen shrimp , pasta of your choice , olive oil , butter , garlic , shallots , cream , salt , pepper , cayenne and parmesan . Bring water to a boil and cook your pasta . While the pasta is cooking , melt a teaspoon of butter with a teaspoon of oil . Add half a tablespoon of garlic and the same of shallots . Cook for a minute or so , until you can smell the garlic , throw in the shrimp and season with salt and pepper . I keep bags of frozen raw shrimp in my freezer at all times . Cook the shrimp until it just turns pink , then use your pasta scoop to take the shrimp out of the pan . This is another trick I learned from the experts , take your protein out of the pan before your finish your sauce . Leave all the liquid from the shrimp in the pan , Add the cream until it looks like it will be enough sauce . Somewhere between a quarter and half a cup . Simmer until it reduces a little , then add a shake of cayenne , this is the secret , and a quarter cup of parmesan . The sauce will instantly thicken . Add back your shrimp and pour over your pasta . There should be just enough sauce to coat the pasta , but not pool . Forgive the bad picture . If I were a food stylist , I 'd add shaved parmesan and parsley or something . Then , because I 'm a mom , I 'd have pick everything shred of green off the plate before my children would even look at it . It 's easy to not add the green than to take it off later . I started off making one pound of shrimp and one pound of pasta , but then I didn 't get to eat any as the rest of the family ate it all by the time I finished filling sippy cups and the like . Now I make 2 pounds of shrimp and half a pound of pasta . It is sort of an insane amount , considering one of the diners is only 2 , but one night she ate 16 shrimp . It 's always better to have leftovers then to run out . The garlic and shallots don 't overwhelm the delicate flavor of the shrimp and everything is better with cream . The cayenne adds the perfect little kick , that keeps the dish from being flat and dull . I 'm going to do it ! I 'm going to enter the Modern Quilt Guild Challenge . The challenge says , " Design and make a quilt that is monochromatic . Create interest , life and energy in a quilt by using tints , shades and tones of a single color . " I thought about it all of yesterday . I 've been thinking about doing a grey scale quilt for a while , but every time I picture a grey quilt it has a bright accent color to make it pop . All grey might be sort of somber . I was also thinking that I should use an original design . It came to me as I was trying to fall asleep last night . Beige ! White , cream , and beige are monochromatic , but warm and bright . If nothing else , when I 'm done I 'll have a nice neutral baby quilt or quite a quiet quilt for the wall . Say that five times fast ! I hate packing projects up in the middle . I 'm one of those people who likes to have all my materials spread out around me . I made my first quilt at the dinning room table . It was rather problematic to pack up for every meal and then scrub the table down after every meal . We 've got 2 kids , ages 2 and 4 , the table is always smeared with something . Now I have a conference table in the basement for my cutting mat and sewing table . That 's the only window in the basement . I claimed it for my own . Of course most of the time I have for sewing is after small people are in bed , so I don 't really get to take advantage of the natural light . I 'm always interested in what sewing machines people have . So under the table is the New Home that my sister in law gave me . On top of the table is the refurbished Janome I bought from overstock this past summer . It does free motion quilting , though I haven 't tried that yet . I also bought a Brother embroidery machine over the summer . My embroidery machine lives on the end of the desk , so it is next to the computer , for easy downloading of designs . I 've got almost all the blocks for the robot quilt done . Those Happy Hour blocks come together so quickly . What was I saying about a cuddle quilt . Yeah , it 's going to be queen size and I think I might still have enough to make a cuddle quilt . Anyway , this year I resolve to replace my cutting blades more often , or um , ever . I replaced the blade for the first time right before I started cutting the robot fabric . What a difference ! Why did no one tell me that makes a difference ? I think someone might have mentioned it to me once , but nobody whacked me on the head about it . I think I might try replacing my needles when they haven 't bent or broken . Is that too revolutionary ? I also resolve to stretch myself creatively . I will try new patterns , new techniques and new ways of connecting to other crafters / quilters . I 'm off to a good start . I started this blog and I 'm joining my local quilt guild . I might have spent a few too many years in school or maybe I read one too many books on design . Anyway , there are two things I like to do when I approach a new project . The first is called the research circle . It goes something like this . Research , follow one source to another , to another , to another , until your sources start referring to sources you 've already consulted . Then you can be reasonably certain that you have seen all the information on any topic . My second process is to spend hours looking at all the images of my target that I can find . My target could be a new rug for a the living room , a chair , or a quilt design . After a while , I find that some designs stick with me , while others that seemed interesting at first glance have faded . With quilt designs you can search google or flickr and see thousands of designs in seconds . One of my favorite searches is " modern quilt design " . I favorite all the quilts that appeal to me and then you can look at all your favorites on the same page . I find that I 've often unconsciously gravitated to the same patterns over and over again . You can do the same thing browsing books at the library or store . Which patterns do you find yourself looking at a second , third or forth time ? When it comes to fabric , sometimes I have a quilt pattern in mind and then I go looking for fabric . This is what I did with my first quilt . The pattern said to use a mixture of pattern sizes and color for contrast . I knew what color palate I wanted and I went from there . Sometimes , I find fabric that I simply love and I look for a pattern that would show off the fabric . A perfect example of this is my first project for 2011 . I 'm making a quilt for my son . I have been coveting these fabrics in my local quilt shop for months , but I couldn 't think of a project . Finally , they had a sale and I bought a few of the fabrics just for the stash . Then I realized that the wee monsieur is having a robot birthday pretty soon . He is always asking for a blanket to curl up with . He never took a baby blanket , so I think he needs his own cuddle quilt . Of course , I had to go back and get more fabric once I had a project . Now , the cuddle quilt might turn into a full size quilt . If a quarter yard is good then , half a yard is better , right ? We 'll just have to see how big it turns out to be . Once I had the fabric , I started thinking about what quilt pattern would be simple and use big enough blocks to show off the fabric . Scrolling through my favorites on flickr , I realized one of images was the small version of my first quilt from the Happy Hour book . It is simple , masculine and I already had the pattern . If only I could find it . . . . It 's a new year , why not try a new thing . I meant to start yesterday , but I had some projects I was working on and we ended up having a card party . Oh Well , January 2nd is a good day to start too . On to the meat of it . I intend to use this space to journal my progress as I work on my various crafts . My current obsession is quilting , but I dabble in jewelry making , knitting , machine embroidery , needlepoint and scrapbooking . I 've been crafting all my life , for a while I thought I 'd like to be an artist , but then I realized I wasn 't good enough to make a living at it . If you ever see my handwriting , you 'll know what I mean , fine motor skills aren 't so good . My crafting fulfills something inside of me , I can judge my moods by how creative I feel . We moved to Iowa a year ago to be close to my husband 's family . We had been living in sunny California , where houses are small and expensive . All my crafts had to fit into a nook in the office . Plus it was warm , so there wasn 't much need for quilts or scarves or sweaters . Since moving to Iowa , we 've discovered how nice it is to have a cozy quilt to cuddle under and warm hat to cover your head while you shovel snow . Not to mention , now I have a finished basement where I can lay things out and not have to look at the mess if I don 't want to . As I mentioned , my current obsession is quilting . I had made a few quilts with my mother in high school and college . My mother worked in the costume department in college , so she knows quite a bit about sewing generally . Our first quilt was a pink , green , blue and purple log cabin for my new bed , then we made a rainbow texas star for my cousin who was starting college ( I still shudder when I think of the mountain in the middle ) , then came a celestial boston common for my college dorm room , a couple of lap quilts for friends and finally a quilt for my apartment in NYC . These were all tied quilts , and frankly I still like a tied quilt for softness and cuddliness . As the weather got cold at the beginning of our first year in Iowa , I began to look for blankets for our living room . Leather furniture may be practical with two small children and two small dogs , but it is cold in the winter . I couldn 't find anything I liked for a price I was willing to pay . ( We have a rather modern aesthetic and small creatures who are hard on fabrics . ) I noticed how we kept fighting over the little lap quilt I had made in college , and resolved to make a quilt , that would match our decor . After many trips to the local fabric store , I had my pattern from the book Happy Hour , by Terry Atkinson , my fabric and the tools of the trade . My sister in law gave me a sewing machine that her mother in law had given her . This is what I made . |
He was hiding out in Dourados , at the house of a cousin who didn 't know that he was on the run and welcomed him with open arms , especially after the money he 'd sent him to buy a plot of land . Those were the good old days , back when he could send money to relatives to buy plots of land . He couldn 't go back to Rio de Janeiro , things had turned ugly there and it was hard to get people together . No Professor , banks are bollocks . Professor - he just wanted to know who the son of a bitch was who had given him that nickname . From one moment to the next he had become Professor , bank job specialist , even though all he 'd ever done was one piece - of - shit agency , and it wasn 't even he who planned and executed the job , but Tatanca , who got shot in the process . He made off with the money , gave the widow her share , Thanks Professor . Maybe it was the old bat that gave him the name of Professor ? Anyway , rep is rep , and though he never knew why , he was now being called on to organize bank robberies . Life 's like that , they brand you as something and that 's it , that 's what you become . Even if you 're not . Sometimes the other guys got everything ready , but it seemed his presence was the omen they needed to feel that everything would go as planned . He didn 't even have to participate , he received commission as a consultant . That 's when the swinging doors came in and the helicopters started to appear all of a sudden , the cop who was a little too expensive or too ambitious . But what really fucked things up was the competition . Every week there was some new punk getting in on the act . They invented lightning kidnappings , which gave only spare change , but often a lot of spare change per day - like candy from a baby . Candy from a baby , yeah right , got it , the kids all become fools , amateurs . He put a group of them together to do over an armored car , as the usual crew were either dead , locked up or had become drug dealers . Clockwork . Three at the manager 's house with a gun to the wife 's head . Three with the wife of the escort chief , another fiLet 's go ? As he was cutting out a photo of her husband , he kept thinking about the first time he had seen her , of the thunderclap that would change his life . Much later , twenty years later , he could now see other things in that thunderclap , and he found it kind of funny how things had transpired . If he told Elisângela , now that she had turned born - again Christian , she 'd have said it had all been written in stone . And if he asked her if it had been written in stone that he would have to kill all those men , she 'd have said they 'd provoked it . Maybe it would turn into a louder argument , or maybe he 'd storm out of the house , but no , he was far too used to her company for that , even if he could no longer penetrate her whenever he wanted , wherever he wanted . Nor would he turn the screw on that fag of a pastor who had tamed her , he 'd be too soft for it now . How life changes , he thought , looking at the son who would someday tell him he wanted to follow in his father 's footsteps . His life was about to change , though not as he imagined that day as he cut photos from newspapers and thought about the first time he had seen her and of the thunderclap it brought him . Valdir had taken him to the inauguration of a school on the farm his fiancé lived on with her parents . There were two distinct groups , his and theirs , and his group was only there to make up the numbers . There were also cops all over the place , which caused his muscles and gestures to stiffen at first . Not so much for fear of being recognized and arrested , but for the embarrassment it would cause his poor cousin , who had believed all that stuff about his being an estate agent . Some guy Valdir said was the governor was making a speech . And who 's that over there , Valdir ? That 's Ms . Dora , the wife of Mr . Guilherme , the owner of the farm , isn 't it , Honey ? And that 's when the thunderclap came . He put the cutout in the box and shuffled the photographs once more . That Valdir had called his wife " Honey , " he chuckled , shaking his head . He ran over all the times from the last two wThat one the first night was too easy , she arrived straightaway stroking his thigh , and soon she had her hand on his cock . The slut was a damn good fuck , but she was too sharp . The girl the previous day , from that dive in São Bernardo do Campo , she was seething at him , he could tell , as he shagged her on all fours in a room that reeked of piss - and women with a grudge screw around on you , claw , pester , make a guy 's life a misery , they even kill , she 'd even kill , and no end of smacking her around can change it . But they fuck like mad . He had to control himself , this way he was gonna blow all the money . Money spent on pussy is well spent , he knew that much , but he also knew that without work even bank money runs out someday . To say nothing of the rent he had to pay on time , or the car he 'd had to buy up front , and the clothes that really did make him look like a Professor . It was an expensive charade . He had to buy a refrigerator , a stove , a sofa , a table , chairs , lamps - the son - of - a - bitch owner hadn 't even left a lamp . A TV too : according to a tip from his friend , a house without a TV is suspect . He also needed a camera , a zoom lens and film , which he had to pay to have developed at a different store every day . He 'd lie down at night just looking at the photos , he no longer even tried to understand the reasons for the obsession . He knew very well why . It had been like that since he was a kid , and no saint could ever make him change . No saint and no fist in the face from his drunken father . In one of the photos , Dora seemed to be looking straight at him , eye to eye . It was the photo he liked best , even though it intimidated him . It was as if she could see him . That picture excited him , he really thought that if it hadn 't been for that photo , taken in the first few days , after he 'd blown his cover so many times , he 'd have given up and gone back to Rio . He was stubborn as a mule , but by no means dumb as an ass . Things had started to look up back there , and some bum was making money that should have been his . But tShe was a false blonde , the dark roots betraying long days without dye . She had a brown , sad look in her eye , he noticed it as soon as he walked in . She was at the end of the bar , alone , with neither client nor friend for company . From time to time the barman came over and filled up her glass , pouring in Coca - Cola followed by what he imagined must have been rum . She was tall , must have been around his height , maybe more . At least a meter of pure leg . Thin too . Where 's the ass ? Her tits were too small , was she really a she ? Or underage ? She had to be a model , with those expensive clothes like the ones Dona Jurema used to cut out from fashion mags so she could make imitations to sell to the whores . Probably an ice maiden , she had to be a model , not a whore . She wouldn 't be worth a fuck as a whore . He bet she probably didn 't even know how to put on a condom . He turned toward three women who were displaying themselves to him , asses thrown back , tits pushed out , slutty faces , a drawling honeyed hi - there . And after three cognacs and who knows what else , just as he was leaving with a gorgeous mulatta , hot as hell - his cock exploding against his pants so hard it hurt , that stuck - up chick had made his mouth and imagination drool since he 'd first laid eyes on her , so he yanked her away from some kid who wouldn 't know what to do with a piece like her anyway - Whaddaya lookin ' at ? Go jerk off ! - just as he was leaving , with the bouncer holding the door ajar , the mulatta with her bag on her shoulder , shawl on her back , hand in his , he saw her from the corner of his eye , perched at the same end of the bar , in the same loneliness . That night , he left the club feeling kind of strange , torn between two desires . He could discard the mulatta who excited him down to the last pore and go after the waif at the bar , who attracted him , though he couldn 't tell quite why . Perhaps it was the mystery about her . Or he could leave with the bombshell at his side and let that little curiosity slip away , even though he 'd never done the hole of a model before - torn between two desires . Unable to wait any longer , he left with the bombshell and went out into the street , a tree - lined place with few houses she 'd recommended when he wanted to have her in the car . Not in the car , Honey . They went on foot and she stood up against the wall with her back to him , it was quick and hard , with faked groans , there among the scattering of houses , the trees , the streetlamps with burned out bulbs , the used condoms laying all around mixed up with the crumbled litter , dry leaves , pools of piss and shit and the drops of hope that dirtied the ground . Torn between desires . He went back to the club . At the end of the bar , an empty seat . The following day too , and with each day that passed , the desire grew . An obsession . He knew it only too well . And so it went until one day she was there and he took her home . After hours of screwing , he fell asleep . It was the first time he had ever slept with a slut to watch over him . Everything was ready . He now had Dora 's schedule down . Her husband 's too , so he knew exactly what weeks he 'd be traveling . The kids ' as well , they had so many classes after school - guitar for the pudgy boy , dance for the girls , swimming , English - that the three already kept the driver and the housekeeper well entertained . Just as Dora entertained him . He knew what time she got up , what she ate for lunch , which guys ogled her ass when she bent over to touch her toes during her routines at the gym . The best time was when she came out of her sessions with the psychologist . Was she crazy or something ? She was alone then , with no driver , no colleagues . Almost always after therapy she 'd stop off for a coffee at one of those up - market sweet shops in the city . That 's where he took that photo of her facing him . Though with time he came to realize that she wasn 't looking at anything at all , she seemed to be looking inside . She was vulnerable at these moments , he could feel it , and it made him feel vulnerable too , it took effort to hold back the impulse to sit down beside her . To touch her , body and soul . Perhaps . . . ? No , he did not want to fuck her , he wanted to do exactly what he was doing now - just look at her . Look at her the way you look at a statue on an altar . That aura she had about her that hooked him the first day he saw her in Dourados , like a pastor hooks a believer , renewed itself with each gaze . Or maybe it was the way a thief eyes a pile of gold bars . He was a thief . . . but she was more than gold , she was something more sacred than that . It was weird , an obsession . . . Sometimes , not often , but enough for him to know that there was something going on , she had coffee with some guy , and from the way they looked at each other , threatening to move closer , but not actually moving , he could tell he had either been someone in the past or soon would be . He discovered his name by tipping the waiter , who got it from the credit - card slip . That was all he found out , because it was all he went after . He didn 't waWhat 's the matter , love ? asked Elisângela , kissing him on the mouth and sitting on the chair the waiter pulled out for her . He looked at her , her youthful happiness , her enthusiastic way of talking , the ingenuousness that made her believe just about anything . And she was damn good in bed … He broke into a sad smile she didn 't see because she 'd gone to the restroom . The boy looked a lot like her , old enough to start talking . In the photo she 'd shown him , they were both laughing , with the sea in the background . He had no father and soon would have no mother either . Fuck . . . . , he muttered to himself , and took a long pull of beer . He would have to kill her . Fuck it , why did she have to go and open that goddamned door ! She just had to go nosing around , fuck it ! And what the hell was he thinking of leaving it unlocked anyway . . . She started talking about her son , that she 'd gone to visit him in Santos , where he lived with his grandfather , who believed , or pretended to believe , that she was a secretary in a multinational . She spoke and he could just see her standing there in the pantry , the red light turned on , a bunch of photos in her hand , Love ! Why didn 't you tell me ? and before he could answer , Why didn 't you tell me you were a photographer ? It 's a newspaper investigation , it 's top secret , that was all he said , ushering her out in the most delicate manner possible . After all , he didn 't need to mistreat her , just kill her . She was talking to him and all he could see was her standing there , in some place , her eyes pleading and full of tears , he could see the gun in his hand before he pulled the trigger , and she 'd never understand why she was dying . Fuck it ! He finally heard her and answered yes automatically , without paying any attention to what she 'd been saying , the way you reply to a woman you don 't want to mistreat , only kill . She planted a hard kiss on his mouth , cradled his face in both hands , her eyes welled up with tears , though not of supplication , but of joy . The next day , off he went to Santos to pick up the boy . Wesley handed over the order : two handguns , false ID , ammo , some stolen cell phones and a few cloned ones . Cool , Professor , Luís Paulo sure is a toff 's name ! They were beginning to lose respect , when before would Wesley have had the balls to stand there face to face and say he couldn 't believe what he was hearing , saying he was crazy and taking the piss like that ? Some months ago he 'd have grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and slammed him against the wall - you can 't believe what , asswipe ? Crazy is your bitch mother ! And he 'd have looked down , Sorry , sorry . He just wasn 't the same anymore , and neither was Wesley , who now went by the name Spaghetti and was the right - arm man of Zé Maria , locked up in Bangu 1 . If he went back to Rio he was dead . In such a short time he 'd lost everything , and all because of Dora . No , because of the money she 'd be worth . No , because of that fucking thunderclap . And Elisângela . . . Of course she was always supposed to find out , she was always supposed to look after the hideout , and he was always supposed to bump her off when it was done . But she was such a good fuck , and she made scrambled eggs with ham and cheese , spiced with black pepper . Wesley left him off at the same gas station they 'd met at and drove off in a car Luís Paulo wouldn 't have been able to afford . Now he 'd just take a cab home , relieved for having had no expense with the material , as the money would only last a few more months , and that was with Elisângela paying some supermarket bills with what she earned on the streets . He was worried . For Wesley to have come all the way up here , in person , and not charge for the order . . . Message received . If he went to Rio , the Professor was dead . And there was the child . Elisângela was at the gate with her son in her arms . She was smiling , and smiled even more when she recognized him in the cab . Standing beside her was the neighbor ; an evangelical woman who , when it was all over , when they 'd discovered it was a hideout , after they 'd found Elisângela 's body full of holes , would pray for him . There was that too , the guy at the diner already knew , the guy at the newsstand as well , Elisângela had gone round telling everyone . He even had people calling up wanting quotations for weddings , I don 't do weddings , only newspapers , I 'm a police reporter , Sorry , but your wife said . . . And that was another thing , now she was his wife . He didn 't go to the club anymore . He woke up early with the boy and before she 'd even got out of bed he 'd have already prepared breakfast , put the clothes from the day before to wash and watered the plants she 'd scattered about the house . In the last couple of days , in fact , she 'd even taken to waking him up telling him it was time . She had forbidden him to put his feet up on the table , sit naked watching TV or take a dump with the door open . She complained about the wet towels he left on the bed , the lid he left off the toothpaste , the dental floss he left lying around . Every minute there was something new , and when he loomed over her to give her a good smacking - Who do ya think you are ? You 're pissing me off , this is my house ! - I know Love , the house is yours and so am I , she said , sly and firm , knocking him off his stride , and then they fucked the world 's greatest fuck right there on the kitchen table , smeared all over with whatever came up . Exhausted , beaten , he felt her caress his face . Love , go sleep in the bed , go on , I 'm gonna clean things up here . On the way to the room he heard her voice , again , Love , you left your shorts on the sink . He went back and got the shorts , Throw them in the laundry basket , OK . Ah ! Love , be more careful when you pee , there are always drops on the floor round the toilet . He accepted the kiss she offered , the hand that stroked his head , and replied with a simple Sure . He 'd just hidden the order when he heard Elisângela shouting for him : Love ! Love ! , desperate tones came in from outside , tones he hadn 't heard before , but would grow used to over the years . He took a fright , instinct kicked in , he shoved his hand in behind the wardrobe and in an instant the gun was under his shirt . Had something happened to the boy ? He found her in the sitting room , panting , Love ! get your camera , they 're robbing the Banco do Brasil , the one on the avenue ! He sketched a reaction . Lets go , love , get a move on ! She was already in front of the pantry , Love , come on , where 's the key ? Before he knew it he was running with the camera toward the bank , as if he really was a newspaper photographer going after a photo that would , with luck , appear in one of the dailies . Amateurs , what were they doing going in at that time of day ? They were surrounded , three police cars had closed off the street and a crowd was forming , No , you can 't go through ! I 'm from the paper , sergeant ! They let him through . He zoomed in on some of the faces , click , the expressions of the two cops looking toward the bank , click , the gawping faces of the crowd of onlookers behind the police tape cordoning off the area , click , the helicopter above with the commander 's face in the foreground , complete with white mustache and the look of someone who 's pretending he 's not being photographed , click , intermittent screams , tumult , a guy holding a gun to a girl 's head inside the bank , click , he goes closer , a furious glare in the eyes , fear in the eyes , click , click , he readies himself to run when they run , they free the hostages , keeping just one to negotiate their physical safety , the press , a judge , click , click , click , people unsure whether to run or scream , Jair Oliveira , hey , you ! Click , click , they were going in , people screaming all over the place , two cops , one on either side of the glass doors , they glance at each other , click , click , and go in guns blazing , the girl escapes , click , click , click , click , click , Professor , he says , as he sticks out a hand , his red fingers reaching out to him , he convulses once or twice as if hiccupping , blood spills from his mouth , Prof . . . click , and he 's out of film . He feigned enthusiasm as he told Elisângela that his photos would be coming out in Folha de S . Paulo the following day , thanks to a reporter who arrived in time to see him taking the photos but too late to take any himself . He handed over the film , gave his name and telephone number in a kind of daze . Even Elisângela couldn 't hear him properly . The boy wobbled toward him , arms open for a hug . He kissed him , blew on his cheek and handed him back to his mom . I 'm gonna take a shower , Love , there 's blood on my trouser leg . . . I know . . . He ran the shower , though vomited into the toilet before getting in , hands on the wall for support . The hot water poured over his body . Was that why they called him Professor , because he taught without knowing he was teaching ? Because he thought he knew so much . . . Wesley , top of the class . But this one , who knew him , didn 't even have to say anything , it was in his eyes . This one , who was that ? How many others had passed through his hands , how many others had he taught , without knowing it , how to talk , roll a joint , shoot , plan , how to be cold , how to fake anger , how to intimidate , how many others would he not recognize ? Not even with a bullet in the chest , hand outstretched , like he was a shot of whiskey denied to a drunk , just like his dad , like he was Saint George himself . Because that 's what he was to those kids . He helped their families , gave them work , gave them a future . He retched again , but this time he didn 't vomit , only passed some breathless seconds with his stomach almost caving in on itself . Tired of seeing people get killed . . . it 's not that . Panting . Elisângela comes in to the bathroom , leaving the door open to hear the boy , who must have fallen asleep . She strips off and gets in close to him , her hair losing volume little by little , the water trickling down over her body . She tugs at his head so he collapses onto her chest . There 's no getting used to it , is there ? She says . He wants to tell her that it 's not that , Dear - now he 's talking just like his cousin Valdir , vomiting just like Valdir would vomit if he saw some dead meat , limp - dicked in the shower in the arms of naked woman , just like Valdir 's dick must be limp - the problem wasn 't that the guy had died , the problem was that he had recognized him , it could have been Benedito , Matias , Washington , Raimundo , João , or someone whose name he didn 't even know , someone whose name he didn 't even know ! He just didn 't cry like Valdir would have cried . That would have been too much . And wouldn 't you know the guy from the newspaper called the next day ! In came one job , then another , and a third , which Elisângela made him take , just like she made him get rid of the guns and the cell phones when she found them one day when she had a fit of cleaning . He couldn 't remember what excuse he gave , or if she had believed it or not . He had also forgotten that he was supposed to kill her . Life 's like that , they brand you as something and that 's it , that 's what you become . Even if you 're not . It was just a matter of pretending he was known in Rio , give the names of some guys who were already dead , who he 'd supposedly photographed , and that was it , he even had people saying they 'd seen photos he 'd never actually taken . And when Elisângela threw the box out , with all the authority of a woman who wears the pants , he didn 't care . To tell the truth , what shocked him most was that it had been two years since he 'd last opened it . Two years in which he 'd put the boy on his lap and blown on his cheek , a boy whose first words were to call him Daddy . Lots of people even said the little git was just like him . And wouldn 't you know he really was ! The way he walked , the way he looked in the mirror , slept face down , furrowed his brow when told no . He was even more like him than the little girl he saw born from Elisângela 's belly , and what he really liked during those first few months of the baby were those big tits she acquired . It was barbeque here , barbeque there , pizza on Sunday , a beer at the end of the afternoon , the belly grows , the moustache whitens , and there 's the dog called Bidó he kicks when drunk and Elisângela isn 't looking . Then one day , with all the full curves of a bossy housewife , Elisângela decides to go to church with a neighbor who 's been insisting for years . Now she won 't let him call her his little slut anymore and tells him to cut it out when he grabs her ass as she 's getting dinner ready in the kitchen . But he could never leave her , he 'd be far too used to her company for that . He 'd be far From Dora ( São Paulo : Ateli ' Editorial , 2005 ) . Copyright 2005 by Carlos Eduardo de Magalhães . By arrangement with the author . Translation copyright 2008 by Anthony Doyle . All rights reserved . Carlos Eduardo de Magalhães was born in the city of São Paulo , Brazil , in 1967 . He is the author of seven books , includng the novels Pitanga ( Grua , 2008 ) , Dora ( Ateli ' Editorial , 2005 ) , O primeiro inimigo ( The First Enemy , Ateli ' Editorial , 2005 ) , Os jacarés ( The alligators , Cosac & Naify , 2001 ) , and Mera Fotografia ( Just a picture , Rocco , 1998 ) , among others . He is also a co - writer of the screenplay Corpos Celestes , which won the 1st Edition of the Contest of Cinema in the State of Paraná , and the author of short stories and articles published in anthologies and magazines . In 2005 he spent a month as a guest writer at Ledig House , Columbia County , New York , at the invitation of the Art Omi international Center . Since 2007 he has been an editor of a new Brazilian publishing house , Grua . Anthony Doyle comes from Ireland , but has been living in São Paulo , Brazil , since 2000 . He translates fiction and nonfiction from Portuguese . » More about Anthony Doyle Words without Borders opens doors to international exchange through translation , publication , and promotion of the best international literature . Every month we publish select prose and poetry on our site . In addition we develop print anthologies , work with educators to bring literature in translation into classrooms , host events with foreign authors , and maintain an extensive archive of global writing . |
One of our cats , Mr . Man , was a mangey stray when we first got him . He showed up on our balcony one day , scratching at our glass door . We took him to the vet because he had horrible patches of skin with no fur on them . It turns out that he had ringworm . For a month , we kept him in our laundry room , medicating him and always being sure to wash our arms , hands , and legs well after touching him . He was such a sweet kitty , and I felt so bad for him . We had to keep him locked up so that he wouldn 't infect Kitty . Well , you can probably guess what happened , but I ended up with a small patch of ringworm . It was on my leg , so Mr . Man must have brushed up against me and I didn 't get it washed off well enough . Ringworm isn 't as gross as it sounds , but it 's still pretty foul . And it itches like nobody 's business . If you 're not paying attention ( or you are asleep ) , you 'll scratch it and then spread it to other parts of your body . Or you 'll shave your legs , not thinking , and then a week later you 've got ringworm in your armpit . There is no rhyme or reason to its spread , and it 's nearly impossible to treat it well enough so that it doesn 't spread . ( Incidentally , ringworm is just athlete 's foot or jock itch on different parts of your body . I mean , if the fungus is on your stomach , it 's called ringworm . If it 's on your foot , it 's athlete 's foot . If it 's in your crotch , it 's jock itch . They 're all treated the same way . ) For me , though , the creams were not working . I went to the doctor who just prescribed a stronger cream . I knew there was a pill , but the doctor did not even mention it . Needless to say , the new cream didn 't really work that well either , but I decided to give it a shot . Somehow , I telepathically gave ringworm to Sparklehead . She too tried treating it with the cream , but she just ended up with more and more spots . Finally , she went to her doctor and demanded the pill . The doctor said she is very adverse to prescribing the pill , but that she would as long as Sparklehead promised to report back immediately if she started turning yellow . Apparently this pill can affect the liver hardcore . Sparklehead promised and promptly went to fill her prescription . The pharmacist was so floored by her prescription that he had to special order it . It 's only used for ringworm , so they don 't stock it . The other day , I got a picture message on my phone from Sparklehead . The caption read , " Ringworm pill done gave me the shits . " I 'll let you sort out what the picture was of on your own . So now evier . org is redirected here , as if you couldn 't figure that out . For the moment , I am almost pleased with this decision . At the same time , though , I really felt as if the old layout / site was starting to come together . It was a nice distraction from the back to school / family death / Hurricane / lack of school / back to school again that has plagued Shark and me for the past two weeks . Here 's what happened . My hosting service suspended evier . org last week because of " abuse . " I later found that someone had hacked my account in order to phish . . . whatever it is that they were wanting to phish for . Speaking of . First Spam the canned meat becoming spam the email junk . Now Phish the band becoming phish the verb for stealing information on these here internets . Isn 't the evolution of language fun ? So anyhow , I had to update the software I was using and change all my passwords and blah blee blah to get rid of the phishers . The only problem was , the software company 's web site wasn 't coming up . At all . And it hadn 't since right after I had installed the software . ( Incidentally , it 's coming up now . Now that it 's too late . ) There 's no way to update if there 's no way to access . I had received a pretty stern email from my hosting company telling me I had to do fix this , but quick , or I 'd lose evier . org forever . Here 's the thing , though . I am pretty stupid when it comes to web design . Like I mentioned before , I know enough HTML to get around , but that 's about as far as it goes . I messed around with the different softwares that the hosting service " strongly recommended " I use , including Wordpress , which can kiss my rosy red ass far as I 'm concerned . There were some others , and I did like pMachines or whatever it was called , but there was no way in the blue blazes of hell for me to figure out how to change the style of the webpages . There were hundreds of beautiful templates to use , but no way to upload them . ( I know that sounds ridiculous , and it is . I can explain further if you need more explanation . ) I began playing around a little bit with Blogger and realized I could just point Blogger toward my site and everything should be wonderful . Only . . . even that wasn 't working . And I have no idea what was wrong . There 's a very simple form to fill out so that Blogger can FTP to your own domain , and I filled it out easy as pie . But I kept getting all kinds of shitty errors . It makes me want to cry . I 've tried everything I could think of , and nothing works . And so . This is how it is for now . Or perhaps permanently . Who knows . It 's hard to find your own " home " on the Internet when that home has to keep changing its disguise every few weeks . Everyone knows that damn Alanis Morissette song , right ? You know the line in the chorus that says , " It 's a free ride when you 've already paid " ? Up until very recently , Shark believed that was , " It 's a free line when you 've already paid . " He couldn 't figure out why she was griping over free coke . I had a dream last night about an old friend from high school . I 'll call her Daisy for reasons probably only she would know , but it fits anyway . I don 't remember much of the dream , except I think she was hitting on me . Daisy and I were really great friends all through junior high and high school . We had a brief period of estrangement towards the end of high school because she went out with The Boy I Liked . Which was silly on my part , because I knew he and I would never have gotten along anyway . Plus , he had tiny feet , and that is just a general deal - breaker . ( I later grew to be not so shallow , but I really needn 't have bothered . ) Anyway , we made it past our differences , I dated a Friend of The Boy Whom I No Longer Liked , and Daisy continued to date TBWINLL . We had fun together sometimes as a group , but mostly Daisy and I hung out on our own . I really felt it my duty to help her because she grew up in a house full of crazy . She was not allowed to live on campus when she started school , even though her parents ' house was a good 45 minute drive ( if not more ) to our university . This would have made sense if her parents were paying for her school and they just felt that that was an unnecessary expense . But I think she had to pay herself , and mainly they just did not want her having The Sex and catching The AIDS and The Herpes and The Pregnancy Virus . Her classes ended around 12 : 00 or 1 : 00 every day , and she was beaten one afternoon because she came home at 3 : 30 after going to lunch with TBWINLL . It obviously shouldn 't have taken her two hours to get home from school , and how dare she come home just three hours before sundown . You know crazy kids and the trouble they can get into in broad daylight . There were other weird things I recall from early in our friendship as well . Daisy was not allowed to use tampons because , according to her mother , " your husband will think you 're not a virgin and then he will divorce you . " Daisy 's parents are most definitely in the Harry Potter is an Evil Satanist camp . Daisy was not allowed to read certain books , watch certain TV shows and movies , or do anything remotely close to interesting at any time in her life . Eventually , she got to the point where she couldn 't take the crazy anymore and she moved into TBWINLL 's grandmother 's house . That was necessitated by the beating she took for breaking her 2 : 00 PM curfew . I thought it was an excellent move at the time . It was closer to school , a block away from TBWINLL , and the grandmother was a very sweet old lady who enjoyed Daisy 's company as much as Daisy enjoyed having a positive role model in her life . In retrospect , that was probably not the best move because it meant that she saw TBWINLL on a much more regular basis . I think she grew tired of him ; she always complained about him . She was never upset that he was around so much , though . It was more along the lines of , " Oh my god . TBW [ Y ] NLL bought me flowers again today ! HE IS SO ANNOYING . " As you can imagine , hearing this every day was about as fun as poking my toenail clippings into my eyeballs . Meanwhile , Friend of TBWINLL and I were starting to disintegrate and I was scared to death and really needed someone to talk to . Whenever I tried to talk to Daisy about it , she would roll her eyes and say , " Yeah , well LET ME TELL YOU what TBW [ Y ] NLL did yesterday ! He took me out for ice cream , that asshole ! " I began distancing myself from Daisy simply because I could not handle it anymore . She got a job at Wal - Mart , made some friends there , and started hanging out with them . I moved out of my parents ' house into my first apartment and things just kept floating along . Daisy and I still ran into each other every now and then ( we did happen to frequent each others ' workplaces from time to time ) , and eventually she even moved into the same apartment complex I was living in with a girl she met from work , Pickle . Daisy and Pickle came to tell me this exciting news one day while I was working , making sure I knew exactly which apartment was theirs so that I could drop by at any time . Years later , Daisy ended up working for another friend of mine ( the same friend that introduced Shark and me ) . There was a picture of me in her office , and Daisy saw it , commenting on how we used to be such great friends . My friend asked her what happened - - that we even knew each other was news to her - - and Daisy replied , " Oh she found out I was a lesbian and quit talking to me . " There are so many things wrong with that assumption that I don 't even know where to begin . As my friend pointed out to her , though , it is a ridiculous notion that I would stop being friends with someone based on their sexuality . My friend herself was bisexual , so this made absolutely no sense . Also , the last time I truly talked to Daisy , she was still with TBWINLL . I had no idea that she and Pickle were dating . She never told me that . How would I have known ? Hell , I saw Daisy and TBWINLL together at the pool of our apartment complex one day . I didn 't know that they were no longer together . And besides all this , she used to spend hours at my house looking at porn and talking about penises . I got so bored looking at penises with her . She always lamented that there was no special porn just for straight girls . It seems all porn is geared towards gay men or straight men or lesbians . I dunno . Like I said , I got bored with it after awhile . My friend later told me that even though Daisy and Pickle were still living together , Daisy got her a piece of ass on the side with TBWINLL . Apparently , Pickle hated TBWINLL but had no idea anything was still going on with him and Daisy . It 's quite a sordid soap opera , and I am glad I no longer have to listen to complaints about it . The dream seems to have stuck with me today ; I can feel its residual and I see images from it clearly . I find it strange that I had this dream . The last time I saw Daisy was at the pool that day , which was three years ago . Of course , I had heard of her recently , what with her working for my friend . But even that was a year and a half ago . I wonder why sometimes we dream of things so removed from our current lives that we wonder all day what the fuck our mind is trying to tell us . You know the types . The people who try to out - do each other in I Have the Worst Problems Ever . I once knew a girl like this . First , her parents beat her . Then the story changed : her dad molested her . Then her father molested her while her mother watched . Later , her mother watched while eating popcorn . When she grew up , her first boyfriend verbally abused her . Then he raped her . Then he and his friends gang - raped her . Then the entire school watched while this group of guys gang - raped her . You get the idea . No matter what you said to her , her experiences were always so much worse . You needn 't bother actually having a conversation with her , because it wasn 't a conversation but a competition . And you would lose . Being a compulsive liar helps to win the competition , of course . I 've met a new person like this , but I do enjoy talking to her . It 's just sort of different . Perhaps because she is mature : married twenty - plus years with two children , so I like to think she has more experience and less of a competitive " I 've got it worse than you " drive . NCW : Oh , I know . I have to take one pill in the morning for my [ deleted ] , one for my [ deleted ] , and Zoloft . Then at night I take [ deleted ] so that I can sleep better . I found the whole thing quite amusing , and it is just one of the social quirks I have noticed since I got this job at the beginning of June . The other involves NCW and OCD 's mother . Perhaps I 'll be able to write about it later on this week . * [ I think I have finally figured out why this behavior bothers me so much at times . Sometimes , you just want to vent to someone . When you 're upset , you need to just let it all out to someone , and it sucks to have that person make you feel inferior because you 're upset , let alone have them turn the conversation around to themselves . ] During my lunch breaks at work , I read while I eat . This is not a new thing with my current job ; this is how it 's been ever since I had my first job and I only got 15 minute breaks . It makes eating more interesting , and it keeps me from having to make small talk with people I don 't necessarily like ( or know ) . I could probably prevent the latter by simply eating at my desk , but I do enjoy reading and the change of scenery is nice . As is wont to happen , today a co - worker ( with whom I share a cubicle as well ) asked me what I was reading . Normally , I hate this question , because the other person doesn 't really care and usually no one is familiar with what I 'm reading anyway . Not that I read obscure high literature or anything , it just seems that when I say what I 'm reading , I get this glazed , empty look in response . It just so happens , though , that I am reading the new Harry Potter . I realize I 'm a little slow here , and I 've already been spoiled of course - - through no fault of my own nor by my own choosing - - but I 'd been excited about reading this book for two years . And I 'm enjoying it quite a bit more than the last one , as well . That 's beside the point , but there 's my opinion . Anyway , for once I had the opportunity to say what I was reading and and not have to make awkward chit - chat about it when I got that glazed look , since everyone 's heard of Harry Potter . I really wish I had gotten the glazed response , though , because when I told her what I was reading , her eyes got as big as saucers and she shuddered . " Hu - nuh ! " she said . " That 's an evil book . Don 't be letting that get in your Well , that 's just great , I thought . I get so sick and tired of everything being evil , and I know these Harry Potter accusations have been around ever since the first book , but give me a break . I won 't go into too much of a rant here , about how it 's no worse than the original Grimm Fairy Tales , or Hans Christian Anderson , and how these people who say these things have never read any book except the Bible , ever , which is fine but maybe try reading something else before you go around judging every one else ( which , you know , Jesus wouldn 't like you doing anyway ! ) . Or at least try reading one before you assume that it 's gonna eat my soul from the inside and I become a crusty black shell or something . While I sat there fuming with all those thoughts rolling through my head , I realized that - - oh great - - now she 's gonna pray for me . Having grown up in the Southern Baptist chunk of the Bible Belt , nothing is closer to fingernails on the chalkboard than hearing someone say , " I 'll pray for you . " Actually , there are times when it doesn 't bother me . If something truly horrible has happened , a death or terrible sickness or something , that doesn 't bother me . Praying is a viable response and how some people deal with stresses such as these . But what really gets me is the condescending way that some people say it , and they usually say it when they want you to stop doing something fun . Like reading Harry Potter , or playing video games , or watching zombie movies . Things like that . Harmless things whose sole purpose is to provide you with escapism and to entertain you . And here 's the thing : I don 't believe in prayer , necessarily , but I do believe in mind over matter . That if you think positively and focus on a better outcome , you might receive just that . I mean , it 's not hurting anyone to try it anyway . But praying to try to bend your will . . . that 's what kills me . I mean , the former is sort of the same thing , but not exactly . I 'm talking about praying for a loved one 's cancer to go away ( or hoping , as the case may be , without prayer ) as opposed to praying for a pony ( à la Ruthie Camden on " 7th Heaven " ) . Besides , how many times have those types of prayers worked ? I 'm not going to stop doing something because someone prayed for me to stop . Not stop reading Harry Potter or looking at bad body modifications online or anything that could be construed as " bad . " I am very susceptible to advertising , especially visual food advertising . I hate it , but I accept it . I can usually fight the urge away , even if I remain hungry the rest of the day . For instance , you know how when you go to the movies ( not something I enjoy in general , anyway , on account of theatres always having their thermostats set to " Siberia " ) , they advertise the concession stand before the movie begins ? Goddamn , does that ever make me want to have a Coke . I don 't know why , but the way those soft drinks look make really really really want a Coke . I can generally resist this urge , because I don 't like getting up once the theatre has darkened and because I really don 't see the sense in spending $ 5 on a Coke . Another example occurred once when The Pixie and I were driving through downtown . There was an old building on a corner that I assume used to be a soda shop or something . There was a 1930s style Coke sign on top of the building . I said to The Pixie , " Is it wrong that that really makes me want to have a Coke ? " She laughed at me but didn 't think it was too bad . We were en route to dinner , anyway , so I figured I 'd just order a Coke when we got there . By the time we reached the restuarant , though , my craving for Coke had disappeared . ( And I ordered something like 6 sangrias instead . It 's hard to remember . ) Finally , today , I passed a billboard for Jack in the Box 's " real " milk shakes ( not " fakes " ! ) . Basically , the picture on the billboard was a giant vanilla shake , all swirled into the cup , with this " real " milk shakes slogan written to the right of it . It made me desperately want a milk shake , vanilla , even though I 'm a hard core chocolate addict , and even though that amount of lactose would surely send my intestines spiralling out of my body . When Shark finally came to bed , he told me that Mr . Man had attacked a lizard . Apparently , a lizard had come inside with Shark after he found those thongs on the stairs . Mr . Man attacked and was able to rip the tail off the lizard . You know lizards , though . It just ran away without its tail . Mr . Man ate the tail , Shark killed the rest of the lizard , and everything was fine . Shark cracked up at the way I said it . " Well , it 's not like I do it all the time ! " That conversation still makes him laugh . Anyway , Wednesday night , I went to bed early to read some . When Shark came to bed , he told me that Mr . Man had eaten part of a lizard again . It turns out that basically the same scenario had played out ; Mr . Man chased a lizard and ripped its tail off . " Mr . Man had the tail in his mouth and it was all wiggling around ! " I was so squicked out . I asked what happened to the rest of the lizard , and Shark replied , " Oh , it got away . " I had pretty much forgotten about it because it was just a lizard , right ? Whatever . Last night , as we were eating dinner , I glanced over towards the couch . There was something beige looking on the border of the wallpaper above the couch . " What 's that ? " I asked Shark . The problem was that the lizard was so high up , there was no way for a cat to get it . Shark grabbed a mop and handed it to me . Then he picked up Mr . Man . " Use that to scoot the lizard down this way , towards Mr . Man , " he ordered me . I went into complete girly freak out mode . " I can 't ! If I touch it with the mop . . . I 'm touching it by extension . " Shark took the mop and I held Mr . Man . Shark poked at the lizard , and it started to crawl down the wall . It came down diagonally so that it ended up halfway down the back door . I let Mr . Man go and sort of pushed him towards the door . He immediately saw the lizard and began attacking . It was the funniest and creepiest thing . He ended up with the lizard in his mouth and then he ran into the kitchen . Where the lizard disappeared . Mr . Man was not so easily deterred , though . He searched all over the kitchen , and then he realized he should start at the beginning and try to pick up clues . It was so cute watching him sniff all over the door , trying to find that lizard . He spent a good hour searching for the lizard . You could just see it all over his face . |
This is my time and my space to share me . Of course what makes me is my family , friends , job , religion , thoughts , concerns , pets and so much more . So , be prepared for a little bit of everything that is B on here and try not to take it too seriously . Unless I say it 's serious . I am sitting in my office stressing about life outside of work and trying to focus on Staff Appreciation which we will be celebrating next week at my sons school ( where I also work ) . As I am emailing back and forth a zillion last minute items with the committee I am contemplating why we do this . My contemplation has led to my gratitude . So now I will share that with all of you . 1 . My sons teachers . This year the twins have very different teachers . I am beyond appreciative in a way words can never express with the younger twins teacher and the way she has gotten to know him and kindly guided him in his learning . She is truly one in a million and I constantly take mental notes when I am around her in the hopes it will make me a better person . The older twins teacher is so relaxed that she has helped my son to relax a little . She lets the little stuff slide which is something he really needs sometimes and that I rarely do , I love that she helps balance out his life a little and undo some of the crazy that I am probably causing on a daily basis . 2 . The educational assistants . Not all of them . I don 't even know them all . But there are a couple who have gone out of their way to know my sons , to look out for them , to help me , as a neurotic mom , calm down by sharing sweet stories about them and just in general for the tremendous amount of patience they exhibit on a daily basis with all the students they encounter . 3 . The support staff . This is where my job falls under and I couldn 't have done it this year if there weren 't some outstanding staff members willing to give me advice , guide me when I steer wrong , encourage me to use my voice and answer my never ending questions . They are great and the work they do is long and often thankless , so I for one am going ot thank them more often . 4 . Our custodians . I am grossed out by the amount of " stuff " that comes out of and off of elementary students . I should have taken out stock in hand sanitizer because I use a crazy amount just so that I can mentally handle the grossness . Yet our custodians clean it up ( rather joyfully too ! ) everyday for what I am guessing is not a stellar paycheck . Want to read what other bloggers are grateful for ? Check out Maxabella , she is gratefully posting her gratefulness all the time and it 's a joy to read . Plus she hosts this blog hop which gets all our grateful juices flowing so we can spread the good feelings around . 2 . I was the star pupil . As my dear friend delighted in pointing out . : ) A professional artist taught our rag tag group how to paint with watercolors . During the phase where we created ocean he chose mine to show everyone as an example . Oh yeah , I was THAT good . 1 . Right after being star pupil we switched to the wet on dry method to create turtle shells . I was proud of my work until the artist looked over my shoulder and explained how I was doing it terribly wrong and it would take all day and I needed to change everything . I was not good at this technique , as my dear friend delighted in pointing out : ) 2 . We were shanghai 'd into creating a mural for the school , I am not a fan of surprises . Also , I am apparently the slowest painter ever . It was an indicator for me as everyone had to stand around waiting for me to finish . 3 . I was the only one who used blue on the turtle fins : ( Either I 'm color blind or everyone else is , but whatever the case , my piece of the mural stands out . . . but not in a good way . You can 't find my bedroom or my bed through the piles of clothes . But somehow I managed to dig my laptop out . When I finished holding it over my head and grinning from ear to ear like the true treasure hunter that I am , I sat down , ignored the laundry , and decided to post . First off , we all had sleeping disease . My twins almost fell asleep in class , my youngest nodded off during science time at preschool and I kept having to walk around my office to keep myself awake during the work day . At home my husband took a nap . We had a relaxed pleasant family day yesterday and went to bed at a decent hour so I am not sure if we all caught a bug or what , but we were wiped out ! Got home from school and planned to have the boys do homework , then chores and then off to Aikido practice . Apparently I was overzealous in my planning . My twins did their homework while their 4 yr old brother was allowed to play outside by himself for his first time ever ! By the time we finished up with these bits of fun it was 4 o ' clock and we were all dragging . I voted for a screw the chores moment and suggested that we all lay down for awhile to which they all happily agreed ( dead give away towards just how worn out they must have been ) . 2 hrs later we all groggily awoke to realize we missed playtime , Aikido practice and dinner . But we felt better so . . . oh well . * Oldest child reading so well on his own . Tonight was a book called " The best children in the world " He announced that The Mallo Boys were the best children in the world . Then he counted the kids in the book and loudly announced , " Whoops theirs 5 kids in this book . That means we need to have 2 more mom okay ? " It 's true . I have finally reached a safe place where I feel I can say this out loud . . . and apparently , share it with the world . Not sure where this places me in the 12 step program but I 'm not looking for recovery so maybe that 's not a big issue . In the past year I have quit at least twice . I managed to quit during both of my pregnancies . But I always end up back on the bandwagon . It 's just that , well , it makes me feel soooooooooooooo good ! Seriously , after a stressful day nothing could be better . When I just want to chill out and relax , nothing could be better . Bonus points in that it replaces my cravings for unhealthy foods and sweets . I think I am so fine without it but every time I go back to it it gets even better than I remember . For instance , this weekend , there were snoring pillows for sale at my garage sale which naturally brought up a discussion on snoring . I loudly announced that an enlarged uvula can do that as well as dairy products before bed . I have never dealt with snoring in my life , not from friends , family etc . . . So where did I learn these facts ? Surely from a fascinating medical journal or when I was doing research through the Mayo Clinic right ? It got me thinking and I realized that I do it all the time . I have a need to chime in and to share . Well , probably it 's oversharing . I 've decided I better start praying for patience in those around me and graciousness so that they realize that all my many many bits of advice and knowledge are of the take it or leave it sort . p . s . I have a sick friend and the snoring episode of Royal Pains also had a patient with all her symptoms . If this knowledge solves my friends medical mystery I may start sharing my opinions and advice even louder . Stay tuned for a possible blog on how my incessant tv watching saved a life ! Yep , I am not so good at learning from my character flaws , sometimes I just embrace them : ) My life is ( insert whiny adjective here ) and as always , I try to find the bright side . When it gets to be a little overwhelming , I self medicate . Not with actual medication ( I don 't even take aspirin or vitamins and I am way to cheap to pay for rx or street drugs ! ) but with projects . My house is a maze of unfinished projects and my head is always brimming with ideas . I love to start projects and rarely do I ever finish them . So . . . . when I get stressed I turn to those projects as a way find control and accomplishment . Case in point , my husband lost his job a few weeks ago . His company closed up their offices here on Maui . So , he is now home fulltime ( except when he is at the unemployment office or job interviews ) . This means I suddenly have more help throughout the day and more time to focus on other things . I have had the supplies to remodel my downstairs for awhile . The tv in that room broke and while we were waiting for the new one to arrive it seemed like the perfect time to clean out the room and start the remodel . At least that 's why I thought I was doing it initially . As it turns out , projects are a great way to escape when your husband is home to take care of the house and kids . So every day for the past two weeks I have come downstairs and pulled up carpet , tiled , painted etc . . . while my amazing husband has fed the kids , bathed the kids , taken care of homework time , washed dishes , and completed multiple projects of his own around our house . Now it is drawing to a close and the project is almost finished and I find myself flailing . I am not yet ready to think about the worlds problems again , I really really enjoyed ignoring them . I am drawing it out as long as I can but the reality is , the job is done . So now I wonder , what is the next project ? Does anyone else need painting and tiling done ? It started with the mouse . I have an aversion to mice , and by aversion I mean run screaming into the night blood curdling fear . For some reason I am convinced that if I see a mouse it will run on me and this thought terrifies me and turns me into a prancing ninny in their presence . This past week we drove home late one night and as we pulled into our driveway my husband goes , " look a mouse on the bike . " I looked and sure enough an abnormally large mouse was sitting on the handlebars of our old bike and it was staring at me , eyes beady from my headlights shining into them . Seeing this mouse , I locked my door and yelled , " eeewwww ! " " gross ! " " yuck ! " " oh gross , gross , gross , gross ! " Then I saw the cat laying on the grass taking a nap . At this point I got angry . " Alleycat is sooooo fired ! She only exists in our life to catch mice and she can 't do this one thing . She lets it just sit there and mock me ! " As I ranted my husband just sat in the car looking at me , a mixture of amusement and concern could be seen in his face . Then I switched gears , I realized this was primo facebook and blogger material . So I started shoving my husbands arm , " Go outside and take a picture of it . Go ! Do it . " He asks me why and looks at me like I 'm off my rocker . " Because , I want to write about it , no one will believe how gross this moment is . " So , being the amazing man he is , he bites his tongue regarding my looney bin notions and dutifully uses his phone to take pictures of the creepy little being that was staring at me . Something must have been wrong with it because it didn 't even move and he got really close . Then he took off his shoe and hit it . Hard . It fell to the ground and lay there dying while my cat walked around still seemingly uninterested in a prime cat dinner . Stupid Cat . I ran out of the car and into the house to go shower off the grossness of having to sit prisoner in my car staring at a mouse staring at me . But oh , we are not done yet . Fast forward to yesterday . My car is broken . . . again . . . so I am borrowing one from a family member . I think it may be infested with ticks , is that possible ? As I was sitting in my office yesterday I felt something on my neck , thinking it was a mosquito I swatted at it and discovered a bug . I flung it across the office and then went to investigate that which I had just flung . It was a tick ! Oh gross , gross , gross , gross , gross . Cue chicken skin as I shiver and shudder . I had no idea where it had come from but soon got busy and forgot about it . Afterschool I was driving to my sons preschool when I put my hand on my leg and felt a bump in my dress . Thinking it was a thread or something strange like a prickly that had attached to the fabric I waited til I was stopped at a red light and checked it out . This means I practically turned my dress inside out at a red light ( which is totally inappropriate and not recommended ) to discover that it was . . . . another tick ! Oh yuck , yuck , yuck , yuck , yuck , yuck , yuck ! Then as we pulled in to the preschool my middle son said he felt something crawling on his neck and sure enough , I found another tick . Cue dry heaving attempts at vomit . Eeeewwww ! I picked up my youngest at preschool and took my 3 boys to go see " HOP " at the movie theatre . I sat down in the theatre and was explaining to my sister about the grossness in my life of worms , ticks , and mice and how I was at the end of my rope and I couldn 't sleep and the lack of sleep was making me jumpy and paranoid and . . . then the person in the next row ssssshhhhh 'd me : ( That 's the first time I 've ever been sssshhhh 'd in my life . Mortification ! So I began to watch the movie and share popcorn with my youngest . What I had forgotten is how much he likes to put candy in his popcorn . Also , that we had bought sour worm candies . So I grab a handful of popcorn and feel something squishy . This makes me scream and throw the worm into the next row . Then I realize that it was candy and sink down low in my seat ashamed . I little while later I am back to eating popcorn , being careful to avoid the worms and I grab another big handful . I put it in my mouth and in the center of the bundle of popcorn is something squishy . I start spitting and spewing and throw my popcorn only to again realize that it was just candy . I told you I haven 't been sleeping well right ? At this point I am reciting to myself , " it 's just candy , they 're not real " as I continue to eat popcorn and then in my mouth is something rectangular and hard , I am sure it is not popcorn . It 's to dark in the theatre to see and I am freaking out at the possibilities so I lay it on my soda lid to check at the end of the movie . As we are leaving the theatre I remember and I check on the rectangular unidentified object to realize it 's a piece of arare . But we didn 't buy any arare . Now I am back to dry heaving . I know at this point you are all praying for me and concerned about my diminished mental capacity but I have one more moment of grossness to share that put things over the top and made me share these stories with you today . Last night I decided to forego the painting and tiling that needed to be done in favor of trying to get some rest . It still took me forever but I did manage to finally feel like I could fall asleep . My pillows had somehow wandered all over the room and I decided I needed one more before I could sleep . So , in a half asleep manner , I grabbed one on the floor next to my bed and shoved it under my face only to feel that it was very squishy , and not in a good way . Not taking a second to think , I again flung the assaulting object with my backhand right at my poor sleeping husband . I woke him up by grabbing the pillows out from under him to investigate and discover that I snuggled my face into an extra large gecko . I shooed it off our bed and out of our pillows and then faced the oogies and skin crawling that makes it so hard to calm down and sleep . p . s . If you are wondering where the mouse picture is , it makes me shudder every time I see it and is being held ransom by my husband so that he can use it as a torture device whenever he deems it necessary . Or , it grossed me out and I forgot to tell him to upload it to facebook . Tonight we received an offer of free babysitting and a free movie . We jumped at the chance , dumped the kids and drove off to what we thought was a kung fu movie . My husband loves kung fu movies , even bad ones . I love my husband . Turns out it had zero kung fu and zero redeeming qualities . It was a mash up of serious artsy fighting in black and white with only the color red for emphasis and color scenes with the Chinese version of Larry , curly and Moe . It skipped through genres from Aesop 's fables to kill bill , complete with the gratuitous blood spouts . Then came the abrupt switch into Chinese brothel rap video , an almost welcome escape from the rest of the movie . Just as we were finally getting used to the twists and turns they threw in a hand sketched scene straight of the sesame street playbook . To top it all off they added in a spoof on mortal kombat ( I am assuming here , but it was definitely some fighting video game ) between a butcher and a flute player . Sorry to ruin the movie for you , but a 500 pound eunuch with eyebrows that reached down to his belly button fell into an outhouse cesspool and was stabbed to death because it was too stinky to try and pull him out . Like I said , high quality movie right ? So , yeah . I probably shouldn 't have said yes to this movie , even with all the great free perks that came with it . I did get to spend time with my amazing husband and I did go out , which is a rarity for me , so I suppose that counts for something . As I was reaching the end and only the really hard pieces were left my cousin sat down to help me . This then turned into us singing disney songs from each of the movies featured in the puzzle . Then our favorite disney songs . Then just ridiculous songs that were sometimes trailers on disney movies . Let me tell you , we sounded goooooood : P Maleficent was just mad that she got left out . It sort of made her like that kid in high school that people teased so they got mean and then no one teased them anymore , they feared them . Maybe people should have been nicer to her . Once this was done we collapsed in a fit of giggles over the ridiculousness of disney villains . Seriously , what have I been letting my kids watch ? Guess now we 'll have to have a conversation about how it 's not ok to skin puppies no matter how much you want a new coat . OR maybe that will just give them ideas , my kids are pretty crafty . Hmmmmm . . . . . . I 've been thinking and praying a lot about where God is in the bad stuff . that happens . The thing is , a lot of bad stuff happens . The other thing is , I believe in a loving God who takes care of us and forgives us and is there for us in every situation . . I have a lot of bad stuff in my life right now , sometimes it feels like more than I can bear . I don 't understand why God 's plan for me involves friends that are hurting , truly horrible childrens behavior , medical scares , unemployment for my husband and a messy and hurtful divorce for my parents . That being said , I am learning that in each of these bad packages there is something good . When my friends hurt , it makes me stronger . God gives me strength to be a shoulder to lean on . It makes me appreciate my family more and the many blessings I have in my life . Others suffering grants me a lot of perspective and makes me strive to be better and be better . When my husbands company closed down this week after promising that they wouldn 't do that , I didn 't stress . Why ? Because God put it on our hearts awhile ago to start saving and being cautious . We just had the blessing of being able to refinance our house . Because Gods plan in this tough time could be something amazing like a better job with better benefits . Where normally we would be so strapped for cash , money has come in that allows a few months to figure out what is next for our family in terms of jobs . And I get to spend extra time with my husband : ) In the midst of this devastation I feel prepared to weather the storm and almost excited about what could come next . As for my parents , it 's a disaster . They were married for 32 years and my mom has a terminal form of arterial stenosis . I feel like my dad is making bad choices . I have told him that , but I have also decided , that he 's my dad and I love him anyways . Love the sinner not the sin . God has taught me a lot about grace and forgiveness throughout this ordeal . As for my mom , she is in a bad place right now and it 's very hard to talk to her . She yells at me a lot and hangs up on me and hurts my feelings . There is a lot of anger about the situation . God is teaching me how to remain calm in these situations and how to let it go rather than internalize . The grace he 's given me has made it so that I can be there for her despite how hard it is to be around someone like that . I should also note that my parents read this blog . So , mom and dad , I love you both and I think and hope you both know that your situation adds stress to our families lives . Don 't let this stop you from calling me etc . . . just pray that God can be with us all as we work through this . Finally , the medical scares . We have had rashes , and sleeplessness , and severe stomach pain , behavioral problems and now worms . We have had numerous tests and opinions . It really gets me down when we find more symptoms and less answers . But this grossness the past few days has been enlightening . As hard as it is for me to acknowledge that my ignorance caused my kids discomfort for possibly as long as 3 months , I also can look back and see that this is when a lot of other symptoms started that could be explained now . If I had to go through this grossness for answers than I happily accept it and I am almost excited to be dealing with it . That 's my take on things . I have to see the glass as half full , because for me and my personality , the only other option is completely empty . I have really bad days and then I have days like these past couple where I see the silver lining . I know this doesn 't help those of you who are suffering . It 's hard to hear that your pain might be helping someone else grow and learn and appreciate . But I am praying for you and that God will show you the good stuff in whatever bad package you 've been stuck with . Have you ever had one of " those " days ? There is no way to define " those " but you know if you 've had one . I can assertively make this statement because today was the perfect example . Got to wake up and take 10 extra steps to get my boys ready in an attempt to dewormify their lives . Got to school and had to tell my sons teachers that we are worm spreaders and then I got to tell the nurse and the principal . Everyone was very nice but this does not take away from how disgusting and embarrassing these moments were for me . Surprisingly I never wanted to have to share with multiple people that my kids had the grossness and might be giving it to oh . . . . . everyone else on the planet . Oh and , as part of my job , I had to send an email notification to all parents at the school ( even though they didn 't know we were the cause I still felt like they did . . . some weird guilt thing I guess ) These steps complete , I finished my work day and thought the worst might be over . But no . I went to Walmart to look at medicines and disinfectants . In the disinfectant aisle who do I run into , but a parent from my sons school who has read the email . Of course she wants to have a conversation in the middle of Walmart about what grade levels had worms and how concerned she should be . I didn 't tell her it was my kids but I did tell her how to check and that it wasn 't serious . It 's not everyday you discuss a childs anus in the middle of Walmart . Only on " those " days people , only on " those " days . Now I could go home and scratch my skin off as I thought of the grossness right ? No , that is not right . Had to go to the pharmacy to pick up the meds that treat worms . The pharmaceutical assistant sees my sons and excitedly explains that her daughter goes to the same school . Then we learn that her daughter is in the same class . Then I see her examining the prescription more closely . So the pharmacist comes over and together we three discuss how and why she needs to check her daughter tonight thanks to my sons . As we were leaving I had to let her know not to tell her daughter who had the worms so they wouldn 't get teased , yet another fun moment in my day . I am crawling in my skin and everything itches . I just rushed to take a shower and I have washed my hands at least 10 times in the last 30 minutes . I am contemplating having my sons miss school and me miss work because I cannot handle the grossness of the situation . I am not in a good head space over this new discovery in my household , not in a good head space at all ! ! ! ! So here 's the deal , my sons have worms . It 's not dangerous and does not cause serious problems ( I know because I googled and googled some more and wished I hadn 't googled so much ) but it is gross and I can 't get the images out of my head : ( I know your wondering why I would share this , I realize that it 's overstepping and way too much information , but if it helps even one childs butt itch less than it 's all worth it . ) Almost two months ago our youngest son started complaining about his butt itching at night . It happened sort of regularly and he would swear it itched inside . We checked him , applied lotions , baby powder , gave him allergy medicine , tried everything we could think of but what it boiled down to was another way to sneak out of his room and avoid bed . We basically discounted it . Today I was talking with my friend ( as I mentioned in an earlier blog ) and randomly brought up our youngest 's butt itch dilemma . She immediately told me of another family who all had worms and how you check for them . I discounted it and went home . Tonight , as soon as he laid down , my youngest was back up again complaining of the ever present butt itch . I told him to lay down for 10 minutes then I would come check on him to see if he had something funny going on . I then promptly forgot what I said . 45 minutes later I remembered my promise and went to check . He had fallen asleep . So I put on a headlamp ( seriously , that 's what I used and I looked awesome ! ) and went in . I pulled down his pajama bottoms , spread his cheeks ( is it weird that this didn 't even phase his sleep pattern ? ) and sure enough little white string things were crawling from his insides to his outsides . ( this was mt moment of almost retching ) I ran out trying to scratch my eyes and erase my memory simultaneously and called my friend . She didn 't answer right away so I began googling . After reading for a bit she called back and we discussed the other instance of this that she knew about . I hung up realizing I would need to check my other two sons . Apparently its very easy to spread , common to pick up at school and 4 out of 10 children have them . They did notice me spreading their cheeks while they tried to sleep and were very bothered , but sure enough they all had worms . Here 's hoping my sons did not share any worm eggs with you and yours . If you 're worried there are 4 ways to check . Enjoy . Raised in Montana and now I live on the island of Maui . I spend my time starting projects I 'll never finish and juggling all the things life throws at me . I 'm married to the smartest man I know and mother to three brilliant boys and a baby girl who will likely become equally brilliant . |
Tags1 John , Brian McLaren , Love , Ordinary Time , Original Prayer and Liturgy If you 've followed my blog over the years then you know I love the writing and teaching of Brian McLaren . This turns some people off , but many , many more people are finding in his books the kind of Christianity that they 've longed for , that they 've searched for , that they thought was all but dead . The good news is that it 's not dead at all , and is in fact growing and touching many more people everyday . Anyway I 've just been reading his brand new book " The Great Spiritual Migration . " It 's great so far , and you can probably expect to hear more about it here on the blog . One of the central themes of the book is the thought that we need to stop defining Christianity as a system of beliefs and start defining it as a way of life . What would that way of life look like ? Well it would look like Jesus , of course , and Jesus was all about love . It was his main message . In this vein he talks about how our churches should become " schools of love . " One way to do this is to reinforce love in our services and liturgies . I love liturgy . Even though I 'm not Catholic I spent years as a cantor in one of the big Catholic churches here in northern Utah , and it instilled in me a deep love of liturgy and celebrating the mysteries of God and faith . McLaren suggests that one way we could reinforce love in liturgy is to write new creeds ( or confessions if you prefer ) that incorporate the phrase " We Love " instead of " We Believe . " Well , what can I say ? Challenge accepted ! Here 's one I wrote this morning taking as a basis some of the most famous words from scripture on love : 1 John 4 . I call it the " Amor Credo " or " Love Creed . " " We Love God : Father , Son , and Holy Spirit . He has created all things and loves all things . He desires all to love him , and to learn to love like him . We Love Our Family : Mothers , Fathers , Spouses , Children , and siblings . They are blood of our blood , flesh of our flesh , and love of our love . In these relationships we strive to love like the Christ in every way . We Love Our Neighbors : Whether close friend or stranger passed on the street . Like us , each of these people are made in the divine image of the Creator with the value inherent therein . All are to be loved and cherished . We Love The Hungry and Poor : We know that many of us still go without basic necessities . In a world blessed with so much , we know that this is a great wrong . Through our love we strive to feed them , to help them , and to respect them as people made in the divine image as well . We Love The Prisoner : For none are beyond the grace , mercy , and redemption of the Lord Jesus Christ . All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God . We seek mercy and reconciliation in the name of Love . So there you have it . I picture this confession as something used in ordinary time . However , with a little tweaking I think there could easily be variants for Advent , Lent , Holy Week , Easter , and Pentecost . As we approach the different seasons of the coming liturgical year , I 'm going to try to adapt it ( or write something similar ) for these seasons . If somebody out there sees it , likes it , and feels like they want to use it in a church , small group , or devotional setting : go for it . I 'd be tickled pink if somebody actually did , and I 'd love to hear about it ! I put a lot of thought and effort into it , so credit would be cool , but ultimately the goal is for Christ to be glorified and for love to be taught and pondered , so I 'm not stuck on it . It 's written to be used ! " Rejoice in the Lord always ; again I will say , rejoice ! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men . The Lord is near . " ( Philippians 4 : 4 - 5 NASB ) Nine years ago I was sitting in the food court of a mall in Sanford , Florida . My fiance was working at a store in the mall , and sometimes I 'd take a break from the job search and go hang out at the mall and the nearby bookstore while she worked , just to get out of the house . A couple of months earlier I had quit my job here in Utah , left my family and friends behind , and only packed what I could fit in two suitcases and moved to Florida via airplane . Ostensibly I was doing this to be with the woman who I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with . I was wrong about that on many , many levels . I sat in that food court , an empty cup of coffee sitting in front me , and sighed . I had just finished talking to my mom on the phone , getting all the updates about my family and friends . I wouldn 't admit it at the time , but I was miserable . In the spring of 2007 I had graduated with a degree in forensic science from a very well respected program . The previous summer I had completed an internship at a local crime scene investigation unit with flying colors . If there was one thing Florida had in abundance , it was crime . This was the same town that in the near future would host the Trayvon Martin incident , and the murder of my wife 's aunt on her own doorstep . I figured with my excellent academic career and my internship experience I could get a job in no time . Well , I was wrong about that too . I had put in applications all over central Florida and was working my way into northern Florida . I had only gotten one interview despite several promising leads . We were living with my fiance 's family and she was working two jobs , without complaint , while I looked for my big break that I was sure was coming . It was not . I didn 't know that then , but I was starting to suspect it . Doubt was steadily creeping in and robbing me of the confidence that I had in my plan and my ability to execute that plan . I kept trying to tell myself that this was all the right way to go , but it never had been . I had the first of several panic attacks after my family had dropped me off at the airport to fly to Florida . I 've never said this to anyone else , but those same feelings of panic were assaulting me on those days at the mall food court as well , I managed to keep them from breaking through , mostly , by focusing on my upcoming wedding and our honeymoon to the Bahamas . But I was far from happy , and not even close to content . I was born , raised , and lived my entire life in Utah . I was used to the majestic Wasatch mountains right out my back door , my family cabin , spin fishing on a river on my grandfather 's farm , and four distinct seasons . But I despised Utah , at least I thought I did . I was a young , brash liberal in a very conservative state . I detested the conservative political scene . I had dumped religion on the dung heap , despite the fact that I had wanted to be a pastor at one point . I certainly had no use for the Latter Day Saint culture in Utah , and every time an LDS person opened their mouth around me ( which happens frequently in Utah ) I felt that they were trying to " shove their religion down my throat . " Of course , they weren 't , and I was just being a judgmental jerk . In short I was full of myself , overconfident , and very angry . I wanted out of Utah . I figured that would solve all my problems . My best friend , Rick , warned me and told me he doubted that would be the case . I should have listened to him , and others . I was not made for Florida . They have two seasons : Hot and Muggy , and Not so hot , but still muggy . The beach , which was my fiance 's second home , held no allure for me , a mountain raised former scout . I got into the water once at New Smyrna Beach and looked out to see a shape floating in the water a ways off . I asked my fiance what it was . She rather casually told me that it was a shark . " Jaws " immediately started playing in my head , and I never went back into the ocean again after our honeymoon . Other things made me uncomfortable as well . People think that Utah is racist because of all the white folks around . That 's really not true . The LDS community really respects everybody ( even though they have their bad apples , but we all do ) . I had heard the " N word " maybe 4 or 5 times in my entire life , but now all of the sudden people all around me were using it . A few people in our lives tossed it about quite liberally and people would kick around the joke " I think black people are great . Everybody should own one ! " Then one day as I was walking our dog I happened across an African American man with his dog . I smiled and waved . He looked at me and then crossed to the other side of the street . I didn 't get it . Welcome to the south , Yankee boy ( which my fiance 's family like to remind me that I was ) . Some months after we were married I got a job interview back here in Utah . I flew home for it , and just being back was a breath of fresh air . Rick took me down to see the new Real Salt Lake soccer stadium that was being built . I looked on the mountains again , this time with a deep appreciation . I didn 't get the job , but my new wife and I decided to move back here and give it a shot . I had many more interviews , but nothing ever came through . I got a job back working for the company I had worked for before , and my wife got a job working at Bed , Bath , and Beyond . I was convinced ( still ) that I was on the right path , but eventually I realized that my wife was as miserable here as I was in Florida . Plus , in hindsight I see that pulling her out of her family support so soon after a tragic death in her family wasn 't the right move . Eventually she went back to Florida to seek a job , with the understanding that once she got one , I would come back down there . If she didn 't , she would come back here after three months . None of that ever happened , and it 's a good thing . I would have been even more miserable . My wife 's family was already viewing me differently since we 'd tried my plan twice and it didn 't work . Eventually , it all fell apart , and she asked for a divorce . I was reluctant to do that . When I took my vows I meant them , but there was nothing left to save . Needless to say I got even more angry . I hated myself and pretty much everyone around me . I had failed at finding a job in two different states . I had failed at being able to provide for myself and my wife . I had failed at marriage . I was an utter failure and instead of being sad , I got angry , very angry . I took over the job vacated by my wife and that was rocky at first . My family barely tolerated me , my coworkers walked on tip toes around me , and I exiled myself from all my friends . Then one day I came across a book called " A New Kind of Christianity , " by Brian McLaren . I considered myself an atheist at the time , but read it anyway . As I 've said on this blog before , McLaren 's writings showed me that there was a way to be genuinely Christian without being judgmental , without being overly hard on yourself , and actually without voting Republican ! I was skeptical at first , but my mind was opened . I talked to God for the first time in years . Not long after this , my parents invited me to the United Methodist Church that they attend to hear their new pastor , Rev . Gary Haddock . I had gone to church on Christmas once , but hadn 't heard him speak . They asked me to give him a chance . I did . Without knowing a thing about me or where I was coming from he stopped that Sunday morning and gave me a huge hug . I kept going back , and he kept giving me hugs ! During this time I also came face to face with the life and teachings of John Wesley . Finally I felt that I had come across genuine Christianity , not perfect , but genuine . I was on the right road , but I didn 't know it yet . Right about the same time we hired what I thought was a rather shy young lady at work named Mattie . We hit it off right away , and really for one of the first times in my life , I found somebody outside of my family or my friend Rick that was really interested in me as a person and what I had to say . Mattie encouraged me every time I saw her . She opened her heart and her ears to me in a way that I didn 't know was possible outside of the love of Christ himself . Over the next couple of years we became great friends and I was able to cast my burdens onto her seemingly huge shoulders . I was also able to help her through some things as well , and hopefully gave her the same opportunity she gave me . She 's down in Texas now , but remains one of the most special people in my life and I thank God for her . I also thank God for Sara . Sara was another one of my coworkers and then a manager . I 'm pretty sure she 's a saint . Much like Mattie she let me unload quite a bit when I needed it , which was often . Sara also brought me face to face with the stereotypes and anger that I held about LDS people . Even though I had discarded most of those old views as I embraced Wesleyan thinking , getting to know her helped me to realize what a jerk I was in my younger years . I needed that , I needed to be able to admit that . She 's gone through some tough times as well , and I hope that I was able to , again , be the comfort for her as she was to me . Meeting these people : Pastor Gary , Mattie , and Sara as well as the support from those who had always been there for me : My family and my friend Rick , helped me to do something . They helped me to surrender . I finally was able to look my own shortcomings in the eye , not as a way to beat myself up , but to realize that I can 't do any of this on my own . I had been so caught up in MY PLAN and MY ABILITIES that I failed to realize the important truth that I had always been taught in church : " In Him we live , and move , and have our being . " ( Acts 17 : 28 ) . I had not grounded myself in this being , and as the old parable says , I was the fool who built his house upon the sand ( Matthew 7 : 26 ) . I gave up , and I gave into Christ , which is to give into love and grace . Once I did this , I was slowly able to surrender all that hate , all that frustration , and all of that anger as well ( not that they don 't flare up from time to time ) . As I go further into what God has in store I look at the times that I 've described in this entry as a time in the wilderness , or perhaps like the times Paul was tested in prison . Though not in physical prison , I was in a prison created by my own arrogance and anger . Thus , Paul 's writings in Philippians ( cited above ) mean a lot to me . I am not a failure . I am a work in progress , and God 's not going to stop until the day of Christ . I trust Him to complete it , and submit to doing my part to make it happen . After all , I gave up on Jesus once , but he never gave up on me , nor will he ! I know it 's not going to be all easy sailing from here on in . In fact , I realize that having tough times is part of the deal and there 's not always an answer for them . There 's still a divorce to finish . There 's still work to be done in securing my future , but God is there , as are my family and friends . So today I sat at a blood pressure machine . I take a blood pressure medicine and an anxiety medication ( both of which I 'm sure have been instrumental in all of this as well ) . When the test was done I looked down and saw 117 / 63 . Wow . I hadn 't had readings that low in forever ! Also , I really want to go on a trip that Pastor Gary is leading to Italy next fall , and I 'm going to work to make that happen ! Plus lately everyone has been very encouraging to me as I seek to possibly enter the ministry . This afternoon , in one of my more wistful moments , I allowed myself a dream for the first time in forever . I pictured myself on a boat in Venice , which was great , and maybe , just maybe even sharing that moment with someone who is special to me . I have no clue if any of that would ever work out , but I haven 't even allowed myself those lighthearted feelings since I sat alone at a table at a mall food court in Sanford , Florida , nine years ago . Nine years ago I was entering a deep despair that would last nearly a decade . Now I 'm here , allowing myself to dream again . Maybe , just maybe a year from now I 'll be in Rome , Lord willing . Something … . interesting happened tonight at our little Methodist church here in Utah . As some of you may know , recently the Western Jurisdiction of the UMC elected the denomination 's first openly LGBTQ bishop , Bishop Karen Oliveto . This is , of course , a big deal . The UMC has been wrestling with the issue of homosexuality for a long time . This most recent General Conference , held this last spring in Portland , was no exception , as the picture above shows . The conference failed to come to any new conclusions on the issue , but called kind of a special session in 2018 to address it . Apparently the issue has become so large and contentious that it 's getting to be too difficult for the church to have discussion on other issues , thus the decision to try and address it in 2018 . Shortly after that , the Western Jurisdiction elected Bishop Oliveto . Obviously this was a bit of a shock for many . For reference sake , the Book of Discipline for the UMC currently prohibits " self - avowed , practicing homosexuals " from holding ordained positions . So , no matter how one feels about the issue , it does fly in the face of the current standards of the Book of Discipline . Now , I 'm no expert on the discipline , but this is a big deal . But this isn 't a post really about homosexuality or the Discipline . It 's about what happened in our church tonight . Naturally , her election has ruffled more than a few feathers , including in our own , fairly tight knit congregation . Our pastor admitted tonight that some people had informed him that they had decided to leave the church because of it . So what he wanted to do was have kind of a forum night where people could talk about it and express their feelings , so at least they felt like they had a chance to be heard on the matter . Our pastor had set the meeting up in one of the little side Sunday School rooms . However , even 10 minutes before the meeting started , it was obvious that more people than expected were going to come , so we moved into the sanctuary . That was the first blessing of the night , that so many people cared enough about the issue to come to speak and to hear from others . Before I go further , I should state my view on the subject , just so you , the reader , know where I am coming from . I have zero issues with Bishop Oliveto 's appointment . After reading and learning about her it seemed obvious to me that she possesses the grace and gifts from God to do the job . At that point I don 't care if she 's a woman , a man , gay , straight , trans , black , white , whatever . I really cringe at the idea of classifying people based on something like sexual orientation . Who we are is so much more than that . Surely some of you will respond with " but , The Bible says that it 's a sin . " Yes , it does , but the Bible also has more than 200 verses sanctioning and regulating the practice of human slavery . Now , outside of the Klan , I doubt very many people would suggest that human slavery is the true and timeless will of God for everybody , despite the fact that it 's literally sanctioned in multiple places in the Bible . Now , I 'm not going to get into the theological underpinnings of it because that 's really not what this post is about , but suffice it to say that the way people feel about slavery and the Bible today is the way I feel about homosexuality and the Bible . You can agree or not , that 's just my view , and I don 't speak for the UMC or anybody else but me , obviously . But back to the story . I wasn 't very encouraged at first . People came armed . Now I don 't mean they came armed with guns , but they came armed with the various scripture passages that we 're all familiar with . We 're talking Leviticus 18 : 22 and Romans 1 : 27 , you know , the Greatest Hits . And some folks were pretty hot about it , so I thought , " Oh boy , I hope this doesn 't get ugly . " But you know what , it turns out that I wasn 't giving people enough credit . Our pastor did a wonderful job at heading off hurt feelings and putting out fires before they got burning . As people started to share , you saw the common heart and humanity of everyone in the room . We had one man share his story about changing his mind on the issue after attending a Methodist church in San Francisco . We had another lady , who is pretty much the matriarch of the church , talk about her gay son and how devastated he was when the Church told him that he was not allowed to be a minister , which is what he felt like God was calling him to do . Another young lady spoke about her gay brother , and the struggle that he and his partner ( now married ) had gone through to adopt a child . One man admitted that even though he had three lesbians in his family he could still not wrap his head around the idea of God ultimately being ok with homosexuality . It was obviously a struggle for him , but he felt that he needed to stand for what he believed God 's word was telling him , and that was fine . He wasn 't judgmental about it , he said he more than welcomed gay people in the church , but he did not feel like they should be in positions of leadership . I don 't agree with him , but I respect him . It is obviously a legitimate interpretation of scripture to see it his way . He is one of the kindest , most gentle persons I 've ever met , and I think it took a lot of courage for him to express himself . But it was what happened right at the end that really moved me . One of the ladies that I 've gotten to know a little bit through Bible study and my Sunday school class spoke up and talked about how she was struggling with it , and was thinking about leaving the church as well . Having to agonize about it was just ripping her apart , and she started to cry a little bit . So many times Christians on the conservative side of this issue are made into villains by people on my side . I must admit I 'm guilty of it myself . The stereotype is that they 're just uneducated haters who judge others and want people to be miserable . I can tell you with no hesitation that this lady is not one of those people . She loves EVERYBODY , and she was just trying to come to grips with the fact that people were openly questioning something she had believed her entire life . That 's not easy . As soon as the meeting was over I got up and gave her a great big hug . She said , " Brandon , you know I 'm not trying to judge anybody . I just … . , " then her voice trailed off . I told her that I knew she wasn 't trying to judge anybody and that we were all going to work through this together . It was a moving experience . At the end of the night , nobody in that sanctuary , even people who opposed Bishop Oliveto 's election , had any issues with gay people in general , gay people being active in the church , or gay people being welcome at the table of Christ . That 's a step in the right direction I think . These are attitudes that have been held through people 's entire lives , and they deserve the respect to have their opinions and work it out for themselves as long as they 're not disrespecting others , which nobody in that room did . I expected fireworks . What I got was a heartfelt discussion where at least everyone agreed that gay people aren 't just an " issue " but actual people with actual feelings and actual value as children of God . That was awesome to see and hear . The Wesleyan tradition has a concept called the " via media " or the " middle way , " which seeks to provide us with a chance to work through the issues and try to find a middle ground and commonality . We 're allowed to do this using scripture , tradition , reason , and our own experiences . I saw that in action tonight . I 've been a part of discussions on this issue that have not been respectful and that have been very mean spirited . This wasn 't that , and I was so impressed . Hopefully more of these kinds of discussions can be held to help find a way forward on this bit of controversy . |
Don 't see them ? That 's kind of the point . We 'll get to that , but first thing two . Just as I was breaking through to the street and I heard a cracking sound on the shovel . I examined it and found nothing amiss . Thus I assumed that catastrophe loomed . Soon after the problem made itself known : And then it snowed some more . This bike had been dug out after the storm . Obviously the second snow wasn 't nearly as severe , but that doesn 't look like a cleared off bike . Hell , there 's no reason that those three things should be marketed specifically to girls . Plenty of boys ( and men ) wanted mini - figures that had more realistic proportions . ( The standard minifigure has three different scales . Height is one scale , width is another , depth is still a third . ) Plenty of boys like Disney movies too . Everyone likes friends ( it 's kind of embedded in what it means to be a friend . ) The fact that The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings are in the " normal ( male ) people " section indicates that something based on elves could be marketed to everyone , not just girls . And that 's the problem . Every single line that Lego makes could be marketed to everyone , regardless of gender . They 've decided to segregate things based on stereotypes . Even if the offerings to boys and girls were totally equal in number , having different things for them would be fucked up in itself . The lines should be marketed based on what they are , not the gender Lego executives sexistly assume will want to play with it . firefight with someone on the second floor . It couldn 't produce a slope , but a staircase ( including several spiral staircases ) was well within its abilities . For 1995 that was really had ten weapons . The sequel , Jedi Knight , had ten weapons . Why ? Weapons were mapped to the number keys : 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , 8 , can detect the light of a single candle at a distance of 10 miles . This is wrong - - well , not wrong . Misleading . It 's misleading . A human eye acclimated to darkness could detect the Lighting stuff with the torch would be done using primary fire button . Attacking things with the ax would be accomplished the same way . Prying with the ax would be secondary fire ( all the weapons in the game have a secondary fire ) and breaking probably would too since it 's more a prying motion than a striking one . Now the way that , for example , the game manged to avoid , say , 6 ( lighting your torch so you can see ) and 7 ( lighting the place on fire ) getting confused is fairly good and intuitive . It 's certainly much better than it managed to avoid confusing 2 ( picking something up ) and 6 ( broadcasting your position to every enemy with functional eyes . ) But even though that particular thing worked it 's still a work around . There 's a desire to do more things than there are buttons to do them , so a way needs to be figured out to use the same button to do different things . The keyboard I 'm using now , though on a laptop , is pretty complete . It 's a got a distinct number pad and everything . But even if we ignore that and look just at the main typing keys there are sixty . It is difficult to imagine a console game that has more than 60 distinct functions , so there is no reason that a console game ported to PC should have disjoint functions bound to a single key . Leaving keys doing septuple detail is just lazy , shoddy work . Though an eighth of a point to Slytherin for making it so it wasn 't octuple . Console controllers are made to quickly switch between a tiny handful of buttons . Keyboards are made to have buttons for almost everything you 'll ever need to do while pressing at most two keys and usually just one . Getting optimal gameplay out of these two things requires different strategies . Anyway , suddenly being low on heating oil seems a lot more immediate of a concern . I try to allot myself two hours for walking to school , but it takes closer to an hour and a half . As a result I have a pretty good feel for how cold it 's been , and the answer is nothing like this . My outdoor thermometer is borked , I have no idea how cold it really is . Fucking cold . An online weather site tells me that it feels like 4 % Fahrenheit , that I can buy . It goes on to tell me that much of that is due to windchill . On that I call bullshit . There is no wind . Not where I just had to shovel through shoulder height snow so my house would have an exit . Actual temperature of 17 degrees my ass . Two days ago I had to take the long way home to pick up medication on the way ; it took a little over two hours and the temperature at the start , before the sun set , was 18 . It was nowhere near this fucking cold . Not even at the end . Well , maybe toward the very end . And if you were wondering , the snow hadn 't stopped , but it had turned into a much finer snow . Which is sort of going back to the beginning since when it started it was almost a frozen mist . Anyway , flash picture of the change in snowflake size and density : That brings us to this morning . Now my camera does have a panorama mode that would have made taking this show easy , but flash was required because the day wasn 't yet bright enough to get a good shot without it . That is why you will see - - not one , but two - - obvious seams in the image that follows . As for why the top seam is crooked , I didn 't want to cut off the railing tops , but had apparently moved between shots just enough to make it impossible to connect the images without doing that if I used a straight line . Snow is one thing , but as repeatedly noted , it 's fucking cold . The snow won 't make my oil burn any faster , if anything it provides a layer of free insulation to the lower part of my house . The fucking cold , on the other hand , that means my oil gets used faster . If I lose public assistance I 'd need to replace it with constant money . Money to replace $ 530 for expenses , $ 200 for food only , and the free health insurance I currently get . ( I plan to try to find out what the cost my medications would be without insurance later today , but doctor visits are another thing entirely . ) So , I 'd need a constant , reliable , stream of money . Except , even on the anti - depressants I don 't think I can hold a normal job . I 'm constantly looking into things that I think I can do ( consistently over an extended period ) and seeing if there are ways to monetize them . Success has been limited . So if I am kicked off I need to , very quickly , figure out how to make that money or lose everything . Losing everything seems more likely . I don 't like that very much , so I 'm still going to be spending a fair amount of my time frantically trying to find a way to not - lose everything . ( Notably my house and my antidepressants are things I 'd very much like to keep . ) ( And I just noticed that I 'm getting low on heating oil , yay . Why do unexpected expenses always crop up in winter ? If all of my savings are wiped out in summer at least I don 't risk freezing . It 's not that low , though . A problem for the near future but not immediate will - be - here - tomorrow future . ) Next month is in ten days . I need at least $ 1 , 400 next month . I need to focus on scrounging , selling , and begging in a frantic attempt to get that money . If I 'm focused on that ( and school ) I 'm not going to have time for the blog . Even more terrifying is that my public assistance is up for review . $ 530 a month in cash . An additional $ 200 that can be used only for food . Health insurance . If it isn 't renewed I will lose my house . Full stop . I may go hungry . I 'm worried about it not getting renewed . I never really thought about it that much , but the help I 've gotten paying for tuition ( thank you and I regret nothing , for the record ) adds up to a lot . $ 4 , 000 - ish per semester . For three - ish semesters . It 's not like I kept the money or put it in savings . It went straight to tuition . But , on paper , it looks like $ 12 , 000 dollars of general income . It was asked in the comments if donating to me now would make the situation with respect to the review worse . No . No , it would not . I 'm as confident of that as it is possible for me to be . It has to do with the period looked at in the review , the time I have to report incoming money , and stuff like that . If the review kicks me off public assistance , then I need all the donations I can get . If it doesn 't then new donations aren 't going to change that and , moreover , it means that the government and I see eye to multifaceted - bureaucratic - eye on the very major issue of tuition money . If you donate for something else , that I know how to deal with and report and so forth without fear . My point in making this post though , is that if you could donate $ 20 that would help . If you can 't do that but could donate $ 10 that would help . If you can 't do that but could donate $ 5 , that would help . I 'm somewhat more hazy on values lower than that because Paypal takes a cut of each donation and I don 't know , I 'd have to check , if it 's always a percent ( in which case no value is too small to help ) or if there 's some minimum fee ( in which case at some point a donation is too small to help . ) I like indices . I like being able to find things . There 's an index overhaul in the near future where I 'll be making sure the existing ones are up to date and hopefully making them easier to navigate ( the original work index , in particular , is one that I 've let get away from me to the point it 's nearly two years out of date . ) My series of Long Live the Queen posts continued . Please note that while the following posts are my criticisms of the game , they are not a denunciation of the game . The game was good . It wasn 't perfect , but nothing is . Under control vs . under control ( Wreck it Ralph and Frozen spoilers ) - I was wondering recently how long I 'd been meaning to polish this up and make it into a Slacktiverse post . Now I know . Since a year ago this month . It 's about the difference between " Under control means make it never happen , " and " Under control means controlling when and how it happens . " General Stories / Ideas for Stories : Vermont ( image post ) - It was an adventure . The tire exploded , there were rainbows , the house may not have been bigger on the inside but it sure as hell felt that way . So : pretty pictures . New post up at the Slacktiverse : Who decides what the fundamentals are ? - I wrote a post for the Slacktiverse . I need to do that more often . It 's an important question when discussing fundamentalists . Current Financial Situation - An update on where things stood . A not entirely bad update . In fact a point I mentioned repeatedly was that I finally had heat . In January , in Maine , that 's a life saver . In that capacity , these posts have undeniably failed . Consider the posts about money in the past week ( one , two , three . ) A lot of the problem is timing . If I 'd known that things would go wrong on the electronics front and the dental front then there are certain things I would have put off for a month or two . Things that will pay themselves back given time . I don 't have that time . I was looking toward the end of the semester and the $ 4 , 000 - ish in tuition that I have to pay off by then and investing in a plan to pay that off . It 's a good plan , I 'm confident it will work if , you know , my entire world doesn 't come crashing down in the next fortnight . It is not , however , a plan that I can magically change from a four month time table to a two week time table . To deal with the expenses that had to be paid immediately I 've gotten even deeper in debt . That 's a problem in the long run , but it also has a disturbing aspect in the short term : I am out of credit . I never had that much to begin with ( something about credit companies not liking it when you have almost no income ) so it 's not catastrophic in a massive dollar value way the way it would be for many people if they completely maxed out their credit . January comes from Janus . A Roman god who looks forward and back ( he 's got two faces ) the name has roots in the Roman word for ' door ' . So it made a certain amount of sense to have it be the name of the gateway between the old year and the new . January , when created , had 29 days , which makes it a short month . Thus the ides are on the 13th . Julius Caesar added two days to it . Those days , like all days he added , were added after the ides . It hasn 't changed since then . Any recent comments that have not posted are because something is broken . The bad news is that there 's nothing I can do to fix it . I use Blogger 's native comment engine and that gives me no control over the actual workings . I can 't troubleshoot . The settings are such that everyone should be able to comment , that means that there 's an actual error , and that 's something I can 't address . If that doesn 't work , then email me . [ cpw ( at ) maine ( dot ) rr ( dot ) com ] I want two things . First and foremost I want your comments . If you 're making comments and they 're disappearing , that 's bad . The second is that I want to know precisely what is wrong . Is it screwing up for certain people ? Is it screwing up for certain means of commenting ? What ? I already know one person 's OpenID comments aren 't getting through , it would be a good thing to know if that 's true for everyone with OpenID or not . It would also be good to know if other methods are failing to get through . So , if people could comment on this post with various methods ( no need for much in the way of content , just say , " Posting via TypePad account " or something ) to see what works and what doesn 't , that would be nice . [ Late in the Left Behind Series , New Babylon is cursed with oppressive darkness . It isn 't just that the darkness makes it impossible to see and no light source can drive it back , it is that it hurts . The woman in the main story is one Rayford bumped into . Krystall is selfless character first met in the same episode and later . . . well , L & J didn 't want to deal with the question of how one treats good people who are damned , so she ceased to be . ] Elior walked across the tarmac of New Babylon 's airport , wherever he looked there was someone writhing in agony . The screams of the victims blended together into a sort of hellish white noise . He couldn 't stop to help them , not yet . Like all angels , Elior was a messenger . He was here to deliver a message . He made note of the position of every person . He might not have time to save them all , but a little reconnaissance beforehand could help him to save more of them . God hadn 't actually told him to save them . He 'd said nothing of the sort . But God hadn 't told him not to save them either . That left the decision on what to do in Elior 's hands and Elior already had his answer . To better understand the situation Elior dropped his supernatural defenses and experienced what a mortal would . He cried out and raised his defenses . The pain had defied description . Bad enough that he hadn 't even noticed falling to the tarmac . He picked himself up and continued on his way . His goal came into view . A man walked away from her , that was odd . It was clear the man could see , but who else would be able to see in this place ? Elior knew it didn 't matter , if the man were important God would have mentioned him . Still , it made him curious . Elior pushed it out of his mind , and approached the woman . He knelt beside her , " Emma , God sent me to tell you that he has heard your prayer . " He placed his hands on her . She stopped writhing . " It is never too late to come to God . But neither is it free . If you swear to forsake evil and actively do good , God will take you into his embrace . " She swore it without pausing to think , but Elior knew she was sincere . For now that was enough . Time would tell whether she would live up to it . He granted her the ability to see in darkness and helped her to her feet . " Do you have any questions ? " Elior looked around , shook his head , and said , " I don 't know . I 'm just a messenger . I would stop it if I could , but God won 't let me interfere in the Antichrist 's plan . " " No , not Nicolae . He would make a piss poor Antichrist . Nicolae is like an angry child who has no real goal in life other than to throw tantrums whenever he notices he doesn 't rule the world . The real Antichrist is going to try to pass himself off as Jesus . Can you imagine what would happen if Nicolae declared himself Jesus ? There 'd be so many questions he couldn 't answer , chief among them being who the Antichrist was . " The idea of an Antichrist is so prevalent in popular culture that anyone claiming to be Christ needs to be able to point to someone as an Antichrist . Who could Nicolae point to ? Tsion Ben - Judah ? " He paused to consider that . " Actually that 's not far off . " Anyway , Nicolae is not the Antichrist . He is a patsy , and an idiot to boot . If the real Antichrist were as stupid as Nicolae my work would be much easier . I wish the real Antichrist was as ineffectual as Nicolae . The real Antichrist is working with the real Lucifer who has , for centuries , been setting this up . They did this , " Elior gestured to the ubiquitous darkness and suffering . " But God let them , and I don 't pretend to understand why . " God hadn 't told Elior . His instructions had ended at answering questions , with no indication of what answers he wanted Elior to give . There was always the standard answer , " Feed the hungry , give drink to the thirsty , take in strangers , clothe the naked , visit the sick , and come to those in prison . " He paused a moment , " Speaking of which , I have something for you , " he handed her bread and a water bottle . Emma snatched them and immediately bit into the bread , then stopped , pulled the bread away from her mouth , and looked at the starving masses around her . Elior knew what she was thinking . " Go ahead . There 's enough to go around . " It was the fastest he had ever seen someone eat , and he worried she might drown on her water . She survived , coming out somewhat better fed and watered and completely unscathed . " I 'm planning on helping them , if that sounds like something you 'd like to do , I could use the help . " " Now I might not be allowed to make this all go away , but I can preform some miracles . " He handed Emma a loaf of bread . " That will feed as many people as needed . You don 't happen to have any fish . . . no , you wouldn 't . Nevermind . You 'll find the bottle is full again , and will remain that way . Go around feed people , comfort them , give them a drink , see if any of them will come to God , but most of all get them moving . The overall goal is to get all of these people moving as far as they can as fast as they can that way . " Elior pointed . " If any of them will accept God call out my name . I 'll see about doing for them what I did for you . " Elior watched as the woman 's soul left her body . She was clearly shocked , death by gas grenade would do that to a person . She also exhibited the kind of serenity that only people who had been relieved from great pain ever experienced . " Hello , Krystall . My name is Elior . " When she faced him she filled with fear . " No , no . I 'm not here to hurt you . You helped strangers . Even when you thought there was no benefit for yourself . It cost you your life , but it earned you something far more important . I 'm here to take you to Heaven , to a place prepared for ones such as you before time itself began . " I listed two unknowns before . One was the cost of getting the tooth filled , obviously that came in . The other was the cost of books for school . Now I know it , sort of . If I have to buy them all new it becomes $ 425 . 59 . So that places everything in a nice easy to get a grasp on range . The hard part is , as always , trying to find a way to actually pay the damn bills . Recall that I 'm still trying to scrape together 12 - 24 hundred dollars due primarily to dental and electronic difficulties . Tuition is $ 3 , 898 , but that 's an issue for another time . The university , of course , wants me to pay it right now . But fuck them , they fired the teacher who has helped me the most , did it without just cause , and when asked why they lied about it . I know from experience that if I pay them by the end of the semester it 'll be fine for me , so they can wait impatiently for their money . He didn 't want to be having this conversation again . He tried to ignore her . He had something more important to do anyway . In theory clearing the memory card was the easiest thing in the world , put it in the reader , hook the reader to the computer , and tell it to transfer the files , and forget about it . In practice the only part of the process that worked properly was the memory card . If he didn 't hold the reader perfectly still , which was nearly impossible in a moving car , the connection would break , and he 'd need to tell it to move the files all over again . That might not be so bad , if not for the fact that the laptop 's battery was shot and telling him it only had 15 minutes of power left . Given that it would shut down automatically when it got to seven minutes left , which never seemed right to him , it was critically important that he hold the reader steady . Which was hard when she was saying things that made him so angry his hands shook . Couldn 't they spend a day without talking about religion ? He was clearing space on the memory card so they could take a thousand pictures of them having fun climbing a mountain . Wasn 't that enough ? Why did theology have to come into things ? Finally he couldn 't take it anymore . " You think I deserve to go to Hell ? " He didn 't mean to say it that loudly and harshly , and for a moment he felt bad . But not enough to stop focusing on the computer and card reader . And he was fully angry again . It was silly and self centered to think of it that way , and most of the time he would have recognized it as such , but at the moment it felt like a personal affront . She knew how much he hated people stopping mid thought like that . He had always said that if you didn 't know what you were going to say you should take a moment to figure it out before you start talking . She knew that . He gave her what he thought was a reasonable amount of time . And then more time . Nothing . " What ? ! But , what ? " Nothing . He turned to her . " Shit ! " He didn 't have time to think about how it was possible for her to be gone , how she got out , or why he didn 't hear the door . He didn 't have time to think about the way his computer went flying as his entire body lurched forward and his hand shot towards the wheel . Only one thing mattered : Getting control of the car . When he turned his attention to the road he found there was no road . The car wasn 't going down the interstate at seventy miles per hour . It was parked . In what appeared to be a Walmart parking lot . He didn 't understand . Had be blacked out ? He picked the computer up off the ground , 14 minutes of battery left , the clock had the same time , it was still on the same file . Kelly was getting ready to lunge for the same hold that had made her fall off the wall twice before . This time it would work , this time she would grab it right and it 'd be an easy climb the rest of the way to the top . This would be the day . She just had to go . Which was a lot harder than it seemed . She knew the rope would hold her , she knew Jen was a great belayer . She 'd been caught without problem a thousand times before . But the part of her that knew those things wasn 't the part that was keeping her short of breath and making the chalk sweat off her hands . She closed her eyes to collect her thought . Then everything changed . She wasn 't holding onto the wall anymore . She was standing on solid ground . She opened her eyes . She would have been standing next to Jen , if not for the fact that Jen had disappeared . Michael was looking out the window at the fields below . He loved watching the scenery go by and wondering what was happening down on the ground and today was perfect , not a cloud between him and the view . Then suddenly everything changed . He said , " Jesus , " but it didn 't seem like enough an expletive . The fields suddenly came up to the window and the engine had stopped . The plane tilted to the left until the wingtip hit the ground . They were in a random cornfield . He later learned that the pilot , copilot , and nine of the passengers had disappeared . The ambulance wasn 't hers . The shift wasn 't hers . The supplies laid out on the ground in front of her weren 't hers . But the people on the ground were hurt , that made them patients . And she was the only one around who could help , that made them hers . The only answer he got was warnings from the equipment monitoring the patient 's vital signs . Explanations could wait , there was a surgery in progress . That he was qualified to complete the procedure couldn 't have been a coincidence . Somehow , whatever made his predecessor , Doctor Mary Jacobs , disappear decided to replace her with him . Perhaps she had been needed elsewhere , what little he had seen of her work indicated she was better than he was . Being magically transported wasn 't what bothered him later . Nor was it the look in the eyes of woman who , shell shocked , told him that half an hour earlier she 'd been 8 months pregnant , though he knew it should be , or if not that the sobbing he heard as he walked passed the maternity ward , infant care , and the children 's wing . What bothered him was that there hadn 't been any time for learning on the job . The time it took him to find out what needed to be done the patient should have died . Instead all signs pointed to a full recovery . It was impossible . As if someone had hit the pause button until he got up to speed . When he had lunch he found several others with similar impossible stories . One told of how he 'd been so drunk he needed both hands on the wall to move , and then suddenly found himself sober in the place he was needed most . Another of being transported to the ideal place to catch and treat a man who had a heart attack after witnessing an entire school bus disappear . She had to divide her attention between the road and the mirror . She wished she didn 't have to spend so much on the mirror , but there was bullying going on and she was determined to stop it . Maybe she couldn 't stop it everywhere , but she could make sure it didn 't happen here . Not on her school bus . Then , the children were gone . All of them . She didn 't think about the fact that the bus had been in motion . She didn 't think about what would happen if she let it choose its own way down the hill . She didn 't think at all . She stood up and looked at the empty seats . She called the names of the best students . Then the worst . Then she called every student whose name she knew . There was no response , and no sign of any of them , but it was impossible . Unthinkable . They couldn 't simply be gone . The weight of her rider was gone . She turned to look and then remembered the jump . She remembered it too late . She tensed , but never hit it . She was alone in a field . Her rider , the jump , the course , the audience , the competition , everything was gone . All she could see was open field . She didn 't ponder the question . She was a horse surrounded by tasty looking grass . She started to eat . What will the weight of that sand be ? ( Sand has a density of 80 to 100 pounds per cubic foot . Assume it averages 90 pounds per cubic foot . ) What will be the PSI exerted by the sand upon the floors ? ( Give answers for the ground floor and upper floor separately and label both . ) Will the floors withstand the force ? You will need to waterproof the house so that it does not leak . You plan to do it with a revolutionary new type of tarp which is massless , volumeless , and completely water tight . What square footage will you require ? You want to replace the windows and doors with clear material so that you can look in on the fish . Assume that water does not compress ( this is usually a safe assumption as it does not compress much . ) The density of water is 62 pounds per cubic foot . Recalling that in a liquid pressure at a given depth is exerted equally in all directions , how much pressure will doors need to withstand ? How much will windows on the ground floor ? How much will windows on the second floor ? You don 't want the water to be stagnant so you plan to set up small water movers to develop a current in the house - tank . You have ten such water motivators . Where should they be placed ? ( Show your work . ) You don 't want the current to be too small because you think that might lead to dead zones developing . instead you have desired to move water at the maximum velocity that will not tear the house apart . What is that velocity ? ( Hint : use Bernoulli 's principle to help determine the effect doorways will have on this calculation . ) Given that the volume of water in the house ( see your answer to question 8 ) is finite , only a certain number of fish will fit into it . Larger fish require more free space than smaller ones . The higher the proportion of large fish you buy , the fewer fish you will buy overall . The higher the proportion of small fish you buy , the more fish you will buy overall . What is the most awesome ratio of small to large fish ? ( Show your work . ) The octopus has been eating your sharks . If the octopus draws an average of 15 tourists primarily college students , and the sharks draw an average of 30 primarily children , is it most cost effective to get rid of the octopus , stop buying new sharks , or continuing to replace the sharks as they are eaten under the following conditions ? a ) children get a 40 % discount but tend to bring 1 . 25 adults for every two children , college students get a 20 % discount but tend to bring . 5 non - student adults per every 10 students , and 80 % of the adults accompanying children are non - students . b ) Children get a 10 % discount but tend to bring 1 non - student adult for every two children , college students get no discount . c ) Children get no discount on weekends but get in free on week days . College students get in free on Tuesdays but pay full price on other days . d ) The octopus has requested you buy it larger sharks , these last few were kind of scrawny . Which fish spent the most time in the den ? Which fish spent the most time in the kitchen ? Which fish spend the most time in the living room ? What is a parametric equation for the movement of the octopus through the bedroom when it is stalking prey ? Something about the man made Matthew stop . It was probably the lighting . Somehow the streetlight was making the man appear to glow . Or it might have been his hair which seemed a little too blonde , or his eyes that seemed to be too bright of a blue . Or maybe it was simply that he was wearing a bright white suit . Matthew had only ever seen someone in a white suit once before , that was years ago in an IHOP . It had stood out to Matthew at the time but compared to the man in the practically glowing white suit standing on this random street corner in the middle of the night it seemed fairly unremarkable . The sentence seemed somewhat familiar to Matthew . Was it something he 'd read ? Something someone had said ? He 'd been reading so many books and conducting so many interviews that he was having trouble keeping it all straight . Citing sources was hell . Could it have been in one of the books he just looked at in the library ? Then it hit him , it wasn 't any of that . It was from a song by the Stones . It was a simple , if indirect , message : I am the devil . It didn 't seem absurd . It felt true . Matthew didn 't know what to do , so he asked for confirmation , " You 're - " " Yes , I am Lucifer . I understand you 're writing a book about me . I 'd like to help you . Not by telling you the color of God 's eyes or the date of the Rebellion or any other trivialities like that . I 've never really cared about facts ; I 'm interested in a deeper form of truth . What matters to me is getting the idea right . That 's why I 'm here . I believe you have a question that gets to the heart of the idea . " " Of course ' Why ? ' Why is the only question that really matters . When , where , what , who , whom , whose , whither , whence , which and even how are all incidental . Why is where the meaning lies . Still , if you want a useful answer you 'll need a more specific question . Why what ? " " Why do you go on knowing … " Mathew trailed off . What happened if you said that Lucifer was going to get his ass kicked to Lucifer 's face ? " That I 'll lose ? " Lucifer finished for him . Mathew nodded . " It isn 't that complicated . Put yourself in my place . Not the place I was in , the place I am now . What led up to this doesn 't mater . Besides - I 've read your notes - you 've already figured out why I started . To understand why I go on forget about that . " Forget about God and Jesus and Destiny . Forget about the rebellion and six thousand years of history . Just imagine you are where I am . Imagine that a third of your species was doomed to spend eternity in hell . What would you do ? Would you sit back and let it happen ? " Or would you do everything you could to stop it ? You 'd fight against it , wouldn 't you ? Even if you knew that it was a fight you couldn 't win . You wouldn 't just surrender . You 'd make a stand . You 'd do everything in your power to stop the inevitable . You 'd do it because it was the right thing to do . For your conscience , for yourself and most of all for your species . You know as well as I do that some lost causes are worth fighting for . " That is what you would do for humanity . I am no less devoted to my kind than you are to yours . I also have another reason . I 'm the reason one third of my kind are damned . If not for me they 'd be in Heaven still . I have an obligation to them . I owe it to them to try to stop what 's coming . I am why they are damned ; I have to try to get them out of what I got them into . " This isn 't about going down fighting , or spitting in God 's eye . It is about giving everything I have to the cause knowing full well that won 't be enough . I have to try . Lucifer started to walk away . Then stopped and turned back , " Oh , one last thing . The serpent in the Garden of Eden wasn 't me . That was an actual talking snake . I shit you not . " Depending on how you look at it , the cavity could be said to be two cavities . It was where two teeth met and parts of both teeth had to be drilled and filled . That said , since the teeth touch it was one hole and thus the dentist talked about it as one cavity . At the same time , the quarterly property taxes ( which are my expense to pay ) have come in . Interestingly they 're also in the range of $ 600 . Specifically $ 646 . 38 . Thus the two together are $ 1 , 246 . 38 . That 's to be paid next month . In my most recent post I worked out that $ 1 , 210 . 23 was how much that confluence of bills totaled to . So put it together and I get $ 2 , 456 . 61 . So it isn 't the full $ 2 , 456 . 61 hanging over my head . I 'm not quite sure exactly how much it is . ( Which is why I 'm taking the shortcut of reusing last post 's number ) It is , however , at least $ 1 , 446 . 38 that needs to be paid next month ( $ 200 of the amount from last post I know needs to be paid by then . ) It takes me three months to make that much ( gross , not net . ) Hence the repetition of the word fuck . The internet bill isn 't due yet , but I 've never quite been able to make sense of when it is due . It just spends months accumulating ( no interest charged , no late fees ) and then , seemingly out of nowhere , announces that the time to pay has rolled around again . I 've yet to be able to divine a pattern for when the time to pay rolls around . So it 's not all doom and gloom . But it feels like it is . $ 1210 . 23 plus however much fixing a cavity costs plus however much my books will cost . ( And , down the road , tuition . ) But at the same time , I feel kind of worthless lately . In the past month I 've done very little fiction . Two fragments of Skewed Slightly to the Left , two fragments on non - Noah arks , one bit of Being more than a Simulacrum , one bit of a talkative person versus bad guys with guns , and someone yelling , " Sanctuary ! " I worry that I 've lost most of what appeal that I 've had in the past . Don 't get me wrong , I 've read every comment and I cherish every one . I know that there are people who still find what I write to be of value . I cannot begin to describe how much I appreciate you or how much I love seeing that someone has commented . But there are also lurkers . And when it comes to them all I have are traffic stats , and those show a blog in decline . Clearly what I 'm doing isn 't as pleasing as it once was to some segment of my audience . So I find myself sort of torn . On the one hand , I really want to solicit donations and somehow cajole readers into giving them . On the other hand , I can 't really argue that I deserve such . I 'm not producing as much content as I once did , and what content I do produce doesn 't seem as popular as what I once made . On the third hand , I give everything away for free . So it has been , so it will always be . If you have to pay to get something from me , it won 't be published here . Ideally it 'll be published in a book and what I 'll say here is , " Go buy my book , it has a great story you can 't find online , " or something like that . So , given that I give everything away for free , why should I expect people to suddenly pay me on account of having a bad month billing wise . Hand number four : I recently looked over my paypal account , for as long as I have had one with an eye toward donations . It really put what people have done for me into perspective . I 've been given more than I can possibly claim to have deserved . So asking for more seems . . . yeah . Three hands tend to say that I shouldn 't even ask . But the mere existence of this post should indicate that I 'm going to return to the first hand . I look at that $ 1 , 210 . 23 , I wonder about the costs yet to be quantified , and I fear the rest of winter . My savings have been wiped out . Again . That means that when I run out of oil I 'll be unprepared for the expense . Again . Thankfully I 've got about half a tank , so there is time , but it doesn 't change the fact that it makes that first hand really tempting . Thus I again beg for money . Please , if you can spare it ( and ONLY in that case ) send something my way . My donate button is always open . Posted by |
Though it was already late March , someone had forgotten to notify Spring that her arrival had gone past fashionably late . The sidewalks were slick and icy , making walking difficult , and the cold bit their face as they hustled down the street . About midway to their destination , they were able to see the EMTs pulling a stretcher out the rectory door , followed by Fr . Kevin , his coat thrown over his arm . Maureen , realizing it must be her older brother , Patrick , on the stretcher , broke into a run . Out of breath , her nose running from the cold , she caught up to Kevin , as he was about to climb into the back of the ambulance . " Kev . . . what 's wrong ? What 's the matter with Patrick ? " She tried to see inside the vehicle , but her view was blocked by a bevy of uniformed personnel , hooking her brother up to all manner of wires . " Mo , I 'm glad you 're here . I was going to call you when we got to the hospital . They think Pat is having a heart attack . They 're taking him straight to Jefferson Memorial . I 'm going to ride with him in the ambulance . You go with Ted , and meet us there . He 'll know where to go . That 's where they took me when I was shot . " " I 'm not sure . He looked pretty awful , Mo , and he was in a lot of pain . We have to pray . " Behind him , one of the paramedics called for him to hurry , " Look . . . I gotta go . We 'll talk at the hospital , okay . " He turned to speak to the Sheriff , who now stood next to Maureen . " Please take care of my sister , Beckett . I 'll catch up with you guys at the hospital ER . " Ted nodded , and taking Maureen by the arm , led her back to where the Mustang was parked . Seeing the ambulance speed away , sirens blaring , her tears began in earnest . Ted gave her a quick hug , and brushing off the passenger door , had her slide inside while he finished clearing off the car . It took a only a few swipes , and he joined her . Tugging under his seat , he pulled out a domed cherry light , and reaching up through the window , put it on the top of the hood . With their own flashing lights , they took off in pursuit of the ambulance . The Emergency Room of Jefferson Memorial was surprisingly empty . As it was the only trauma center in town , the drab painted room was usually filled to capacity with the community 's walking wounded . This early Friday morning , the youngest O ' Kenney siblings , and the Sheriff , shared the room with one reeking drunk , an elderly woman with a walker , and a set of frantic parents parent rocking a screeching baby . After arriving at the ER , Patrick was rushed into a room full of harried doctors and nurses , and Kevin was ushered to the waiting room with the promise that someone would keep him updated . He had hoped to administer the Sacrament of the Sick to his brother , but was pushed out of the room before he could entirely finish . In all truth , he was greatly relieved when his sister and the Sheriff finally made it to the hospital . Having Maureen there made him feel better , and Beckett was , as usual , a calm and confident presence . They had only been waiting 10 minutes , when the cardiologist came out to speak to them about Pat 's condition . Dr . Salmon confirmed that Patrick indeed was suffering from cardiac arrest , due to a 100 % blockage of his stenotic left main coronary artery . They were prepping him for what they hoped would be a routine angioplasty , and an insertion of a stent , but required next of kin 's signature allowing them to preform by - pass surgery if necessary . Kevin had been desperately trying to reach Patrick 's wife , Eileen , for the past hour , without success . He couldn 't , for the life of him , figure out why at 2 : 30AM , she wouldn 't be home to answer the phone , and assumed she must be sleeping too heavily to hear it . As he and Maureen were the only family members available , Kevin was forced to give his approval for full chest cutting surgery if the doctor found that Patrick required it . Once the release was signed , the doctor was off , leaving the three of them to worry and wait . Tired of pacing , Fr . Kevin took out his rosary and began praying , and Maureen followed suit . Beckett watched them for a few awhile , but feeling awkward , went off in search of a coffee respite . When Maureen was sure that Ted was out of ear shot , she stopped in mid decade , and spoke in hushed tones to her brother . " This is all my fault , you know . I 'm to blame for Patrick having this heart attack . All the stress I caused him . " She gripped the rosary tighter in her hand , and rubbed her fingers over the smooth beads . " First with all that . . . stuff . . . that happened in Boston . " Kevin only nodded . She knew damned well she had told him all about the Boston incident under the sanctity of the confessional , and he wasn 't able to discuss it . But his focus right this moment was on Patrick , and he was in no mood to have a pastoral discussion with his errant sister . She took his silence as an invitation to continue . " Pat was mortified by all the gossip about me around the diocese . That last time I met with him before I left Boston , he was so angry , and his face got all red and sweaty . I should have known something was wrong . It was stupid to just run off like I did . Should have listened to him , and stayed in Boston . Now I 've gone and given him a heart attack . " She grabbed the sleeve of Kevin 's coat , and whined , " If anything happens to him , Kev , I don 't know how I 'll ever live with myself . " Years of dealing with his sister 's drama had taught him the expected response . She wanted . . . needed . . . to be righted , rescued , and repeatedly reassured . And in normal circumstances , as her older brother , he had been happy to play that role . But sitting here in the emergency room , his head pounding from the generous amount of Jameson imbued over dinner , his stomach rolling with worry , he just didn 't have it in him , and his response sounded nasty , even to his own ears . " That 's a totally stupid statement , Mo . Believe it or not , this is about Patrick . . . not you . You heard the doctor . His artery is totally clogged . And it 's no surprise . Look at the way he eats and drinks . The man has an absolute aversion to anything healthy . He lives on red meat and alcohol . And frankly , he should know better . Especially after Dad . " Her expression changed from stricken to annoyed , but the appearance of Ted with the coffee saved him from sisterly retribution . She closed her mouth , and turned her attention towards her beau , reaching for the paper cup he offered " Thanks , Ted . You 're such a sweetie . " She turned her back on her brother , squeezed Beckett 's hand , and smiled . " I 'm so glad it 's you here with me . I 'd be lost without you . " Satisfied that Maureen was occupied with the Sheriff , Kevin used the opportunity to slip away and use his cell phone . It was a pain to walk clear down the hall to another room just to make a phone call , but the ER walls were covered with signs forbidding their use . In addition , it was somewhat of a relief to let Beckett handle Mo for a bit , a job he clearly relished . Once in the other lounge , Kevin tried dialing Patrick 's house phone , but there was still no answer , which left him terribly uneasy . He didn 't have Eileen 's cell number , so having no other choice , and desperately needing to unburden himself of sole responsibility , he dialed his brother Jaimie . He listened to it ring a few times before someone picked it up , and answered in a sleep roughed voice . " I know who the hell you are , Kev . It 's like 3 : 00AM . What 's wrong ? " " I 'm calling about Patrick . He 's . . . we 're at the hospital . Me and Maureen . And Patrick . They think he had a heart attack . He 's in surgery now . . . having angioplasty . Or at least we hope it 's just angioplasty . They couldn 't be sure how much damage he 'd suffered . " " He was non - committal . But he said he 'd come out and talk to us as soon as he was done working on Pat , so I can 't talk long . I need to be there when he comes back . Plus , I don 't want to leave Maureen in the waiting room by herself . " He decided there was no reason to mention Beckett . At least not now . " I understand . Let me know what 's going on as soon as you hear , okay . I 'll take care of notifying everyone else . You just focus on Pat at your end . " " Thanks , Jaimie . That would sure be helpful . I 'll call you back as soon as we talk to the doctor . Hey , before I hang up , do you have Eileen 's cell number . I 've tried calling their house a dozen times , and she doesn 't answer . I 'm hoping she keeps her cell close by . " " Eileen left him . Right after the holidays . Packed up , and moved out . Never said a word in advance . Pat came home from work sometime the first week of January , and she was gone . All I know is she 's hired a lawyer , and won 't talk to the rest of us . Keeps insisting it 's " for the best " . I tried talking to Patrick about it , but he just gets defensive . You know how he is . All bluster and bark . " The news left Kevin stunned . Patrick and Eileen had been together for almost twenty - five years . And although his brother had been difficult to live with , he had thought their marriage unshakable . It was hard to know which was worse . The fact that the two of them seemed on the verge of splitting up , or the realization that not one of his siblings had bothered to tell him . " Wow . I don 't know what to say . It 's hard to think about the two of them not being together . " He wanted to rail at Jaimie for leaving him out of the loop . For once again excluding him among the brothers . But this was neither the time , nor the place , to air his grievances , so he swallowed his hurt feelings , and finished the conversation . " Well , we have to tell her , Jaimie . About the heart attack . They were married for twenty - five years . She has a right to know . Plus , I think it 's her place to tell Ian and Colin . We shouldn 't be calling them at school to tell them about their dad . Not without talking to Eileen first . " " You 're probably right , Kev . But , it can 't be me . I called her right after she moved out , and the conversation didn 't go well . We haven 't spoken since . I doubt she 'd even listen to me . " " Then give me her cell number , and I 'll try calling her . She 's always been a very compassionate woman , as well as pretty level headed . I 'm confident she 'll want to come down here , and be with Patrick . " Phone numbers were exchanged , as well as promises to keep in touch . Kevin hung up on Jamie with a heavy heart , and if he thought the whole drama couldn 't get any worse , he was sadly mistaken . He reached his sister - in - law , who was polite , but firm in her decision to remain in Boston . She immediately committed to calling her sons about their father 's illness , but cut off any conversation regarding the issues between she and her estranged husband , leaving Kevin with little more to say . As he walked back to the ER waiting room , he wondered what he 'd say to Maureen . Eileen was her godmother , and when she went to live with them during her high school years , they had become very close . He hated to add to the already heightened stress of the day , knowing his sister would take the news badly . " Well good for , her ! She finally got the guts to do it ! I don 't know why the hell she waited as long as she did . " " Are you telling me that you knew about this in advance ? And you said nothing ? Didn 't try to talk her out it ? Didn 't at least try and warn Patrick she was contemplating leaving him ? What the hell were you thinking Maureen ? " Maureen grabbed at his sleeve , and pulled herself closer , scowling at her brother . " You leave Ted alone , Kevin . He 's here with me , and if you don 't like it , too damn bad ! We both know that Patrick is a jerk , and Eileen 's had to deal with his controlling ways long enough . No woman should have to put up with a man telling her what to do . " " The procedure went well . We cleaned out the artery , and put in a stent to keep it clear . He has blockage in two other areas , but it 's prudent to wait on those until he 's more stable . They 're taking him to recovery now , and he 'll be there for about three hours until we can be sure the incision isn 't going to bleed . Your brother is a very lucky man , Father . If you hadn 't been as quick to get him here as you were , I doubt he would have survived this heart attack . They call this type of blockage " The Widow Maker " . He 's going to have to make some serious life style changes if he wants to avoid a repeat of tonight . " Kevin stood , and shook the man 's hand . " Thank you , Doctor . We certainly appreciate all you 've done . Can we see him ? " " You can stay with him in the Recovery Room , but only one of you at a time . After we 're sure the incision is clotted , we 'll admit him to the Cardiac Unit . He can have regular visitors there . I 'll be around later this morning to check on him . " With a handshake all around , the cardiologist left , and Kevin headed toward the recovery area to be with his brother . He hadn 't even considered offering Maureen the opportunity , feeling her siding with his sister - in - law , Eileen , was equal to sibling treason . No matter how hard , and how often they fought among themselves , the eight of them had always stood firm in defending one another from those outside the family . Maureen 's breach of loyalty was beyond his immediate understanding and forgiveness , and he left her in the waiting room with Beckett without an additional word . A nurse pointed him in the right direction , and he found Patrick in a small curtained room near the back of the station . He pushed aside the cloth to find his brother lying inert on a gurney , his face the color of gray ash , and his eyes closed . At first , his heart skipped a beat , as the eldest O ' Kenney looked like he was no longer among the living . But a quick glance at the monitor screen told him otherwise . The arching lines on the monitor showed a heart beating strong and healthy , and he was instantly relieved . Patrick opened one blood shot , green eye , the same color as Maureen 's , and peered at his brother in the doorway . " Ah , Fr . Kevin . I hope you 're not here to give me Last Rites . " He chuckled weakly at his own joke , and spoke to the nurse . " My little brother here is the Pastor at Holy Family Church . Pretty impressive , huh ? " The nurse patted Patrick 's arm . " You 're lucky to have such a caring family , Mr . O ' Kenney . Especially one with connections upstairs . You were needing them tonight . " She pointed heavenwards , smiling as she did so . " That I am , ma ' am . That I am . " He pointed to a chair next to the bed . " Sit , Kevin . They tell me I 'm gonna be here awhile . " Patrick smiled weakly . " Guess about as good as can be expected . I was awake for the whole procedure , ya know . Rather disconcerting to watch on a TV screen while they stick wires up your leg , and into your heart . " Kevin nodded , having nothing to compare with . " I called Jaimie . He 's gonna notify the rest of the family . He 's sends his best , and says to tell you not to be slackn ' off down here . " Patrick grinned . " Ya gotta love , Jaimie . He always tells ya like it is . " He shifted in the bed , trying to pull himself to a sitting position , causing the nurse to come over , and push him back down . " You know the rules , Mr . O ' Kenney . No moving for at least three hours . We don 't want to open up that incision , do we ? " Patrick gave her a mock salute , but settled himself back down , resuming his conversation with Kevin . " Kev , I want you to call my boys . You have a way of making things sound not so bad , and I don 't want either of them freaking out , and coming down here . They 're four weeks from the end of the semester . They need to keep their focus on their studies , and finish strong . " Kevin 's nephews were both away at school . Ian was a senior at Georgetown , and Colin was at Loyola in New Orleans , and they were the pride of their father 's existence . But discussing the boys meant discussing their mother , and Kevin was apprehensive about what would come next . " Sure , Pat . I 'll call both Ian , and Colin . " He wrung his hands , and decided to just get the hard part over with . " Jaimie told me about Eileen . About the two of you . " He waited for a response , and when there was none , he continued . " I called her and told her about what was happening here . " The flash of contempt in his brother 's eyes reminded Kevin more of the real Patrick . " Just as well . I 'm through with that woman . " " Look , Pat . I know sometimes people get trapped in an argument , and it seems like there 's no way out . But , you guys love each other and I know if you would just sit down and . . . " " Spare me the Pre - Cana bullshit , Kevin . You have no idea of what it 's like in the real world . Where you got people coming at you from all directions . If she thinks she 's better off without me , so be it . " " Drop it , Kevin . I 'm not discussing my marital issues with you . " He closed his eyes , and stayed silent for a few moments , then asked , " Is Red here ? " " Why don 't you go , and send her in here . I need to speak to her . " He turned his head , and stared at the wall , a signal that Kevin had been officially dismissed . She grabbed her purse , ran a brush through her hair , and slid some lip gloss over her lips . When she noticed the two men looking at her curiously , she stated , " He always comments if I look messy . I 'm trying to avoid riling him up . " Then standing up , she marched off in the direction Kevin had just come from . Kevin made a face , not wanting the Sheriff to know that he had been replaced by Maureen without a second thought . " I guess he 's doing well . He 's back to being his usual asshole self . " mcddissMarch 30 , 2013 at 9 : 17 AMvaya con Patrick , la ha liado bien , pero no estoy de acuerdo con que Maureen se vaya con él , espero que se lo piense bien besitosMariReplyDeleteRepliesMadame MysteryMarch 30 , 2013 at 10 : 12 AMHola Mari , ¡ Sí . . . I piensa que es correcto ! Tengo mis dudas que Beckett abandonará lo que él ya cree el suyo . Esto debe ser interesante . . . LOLPascua feliz , VickiHi Mari , Yes . . . I think you are correct ! I have my doubts that Beckett will give up what he already believes his . This should be interesting . . . LOLHappy Easter , VickiDeleteReplyMaria IrelandMarch 30 , 2013 at 5 : 01 PMOoo now what on earth did Patrick say to make Maureen want to go home ? ? ? ? and what will Becket have to say about that lol . You have left us with so many questions cant wait to find out more : ) Happy Easter to you and your family . Hugs MariaReplyDeleteRepliesMadame MysteryMarch 30 , 2013 at 5 : 08 PMA Happy and Blessed Easter to you and yours Maria ! I have a strong feeling that Beckett is not going to give up Maureen so easily , do you ? He seems quite smitten with that girl . Ahhh families . . . gotta love ' em ! Have a wonderful week , VickiDeleteReplySusan KormanMarch 31 , 2013 at 1 : 33 PMHi Vicki ! Wow ! We almost lost dear Patrick ! Can 't wait to see what happened between him and his wife . Providing of course we get to . . . . You won 't leave us in the dark will you ? ? ? Did your own experience help you write this part ? Hope that 's ok to ask . . . . . By the way , loved your costume ! Now you take care and quit hurting yourself ! LOL ! SusanReplyDeleteRepliesMadame MysteryMarch 31 , 2013 at 2 : 59 PMHappy Easter Susan ! ( or Passover or Spring . . . whatever the case may be ! ) Hope all is well with everyone in your neck of the woods ! Yes , you will find out what caused the split between Patrick and Eileen . . . although you may have some sense why already . Charming he is not . LOL ; ) Also , I 'll provide some clues as to what Patrick said to make Maureen cry next week , and cause her to consider a move back to Boston . And yes again . . . this week 's post is certainly art imitatinNewer Post |
It has been a week since I updated . I worked seven days in a row . I got called in on Monday because one of the cashiers was sick , and it has been an absolutely crazy week . I 'm dropping weight really fast . I 'm eating less and moving a lot more , so my new jeans are already too big . I tried on the pants that were too small when I bought them , and they fit . No surprise really since you are constantly on the move and it is so hot at work there is water running down your face constantly . My cool tub has gotten a real workout this last week . I did my first solo closing last night . I almost made it without screwing up , but not quite . I 'm hoping the next one goes better . I close Thursday thru Sunday this week . I have plenty more chances to figure out what I did wrong . There are a few other things I am doing wrong that I need to figure out too . Plus , I need to learn how to do no receipt returns . I had to ask a customer to come back today because I couldn 't figure it out last night . I got caught up with Howard the other day . Barbara is having more issues . They keep finding tumors and cancerous spots . This time she has some areas in her head . Not good . I managed to get the sewing machine out the other day and caught up on all the little sewing projects I had waiting . I made the purple pillow covers , put a pocket in the beach towel I have on the chair , remade the neck pillow for the chair , shortened the body pillow cover so that it fits now , and a couple other little things . I think I am going to leave the sewing machine set up on the desk for a while since the desk isn 't really being used other than to hold the laptops . I never sit at my desk when I am using the little one which is the one I use unless I am doing web site work . The few times I use the big one I can set it on the table . Yesterday morning I ordered a bench and a little amish wagon for the yard . Assembly required . But I had about $ 35 in store and AMEX points , so it reduced the cost , and the wagon was basically free . The green wagon was twice the price , good thing I wanted the red one . The bench is going to go at the front end of the house . It needs a little somethingthere . I will put the two little red plant stands on either side . Not sure where thewagon is going to go , but I will find a spot . It was my splurge for the week . I have also turned the AC down a little . Since I am now working and bringing in a paycheck I can be a little more comfortable . I had it at 80 yesterday and was comfortable , but turned it back up to 84 before I went to work . I may go a happy medium to 82 and just leave it there . Supplement with fans . Last year I kept it at 80 , but since it was my first summer , that was warm . I am so tired of being hot all the time . I thought when I went to work that one of the bennies would be good AC . Boy was I wrong . I have a few chores to do today , but I cleaned yesterday so I don 't have to do that today . I need to go to the post office , Sal 's and maybe Roadrunner for some produce . The rest I will wait to buy when I finish work on Wednesday . I want to stay as far away from DG as I can on my days off . I plan to relax , read , soak in the cool tub , nap and generally relax for the next two days . Get my chores done early in the day so I can do just that . Sunday I ended up driving the neighbors to the emergency room in Parker . Rusty was having some serious trouble with his hernia . Lois can 't drive because of her eyesight . Left here about 9 : 30 and got back at 1 . Just in time for a quick soak in the cool tub and then lunch / dinner at Silly Al 's at 2 . The rest of the day I just relaxed . I was supposed to have yesterday off too but I got called in to work . I did a five hour shift of stocking shelves . This store is way , way behind in stocking and has a back room just full of inventory . Literally . Inventory is due in three weeks and we will never be caught up and every week another shipment comes in . Thus the new store manager . I didn 't even put a dent in it . I am getting the hang of stocking , only had to ask a couple of questions . Today I am supposed to do some more training modules which means I will be in the office which is cooler . The thermometer on my car read 127 degrees when I got in it after work . The coolest it got over night was 90 degrees . We hit 123 degrees on the patio yesterday , in the shade . My tank water hit 92 degrees and wasn 't refreshing , but it was wet which did help some . Still slightly lower than body temp . Although it drained on me last night so I had to refill it . The return tube popped out because the shade cloth got blown around in the wind . I slept OK thanks to my swamp cooler . Glad I decided to try it in the bedroom , it makes a huge difference . Keeps the room about 78 degrees . The neighbors pulled in last night . Not sure how long they will be here . I like it better when they are gone . I diid get everything done yesterday morning that I wanted to get done . Had done my watering , gotten rid of the garbage and checked in on Rusty and Lois . Rusty seemed to be a lot better . Today I work 8 to 2 . Tomorrow 5 to 11 AM . The store is open from 7 AM to 10 PM . I much prefer the morning shifts . I have two days off next week . This will be a quickie this morning as I have to be at work at 6 AM . It is stocking day . We will have two hours to get as much on the shelves as possible before the store opens . Starting Saturday the store will open at 7 AM . I 'm a morning person , but even that is a little early for me . I guess I will adjust . Yesterday was fine . I spent four hours on training on the computer and two hours on the register . There is a lot to learn and even more since I will be a key holder . Hard to say after only one day , but I think it is going to be OK . I 'm only about a third of the way thru the online training . Get this , instead of counting money when the drawers are opened and closed , the money is weighed , including the bills . What a time saver ! And cashiers don 't count out their own drawers . After I got home I changed the water in the cool tub . The morning bleach did not clear up the tank . The whole process took about two hours . The tank was emptied in about an hour with the sump pump , and then refilled in another hour . The water coming out of the hose was 92 degrees , so it was more like a bath than cooling off . I wore the lighter pair of jeans that I got which was good because I was warm . I wonder if they would be willing to put a little fan behind the register ? It was comfortable in the office , but the register is right by the door which is open a lot . I 'm glad I bought four shirts , I think I am going to need them . I am certainly going to get my exercise . I will be wearing my tracker , so it will be interesting to see how much . Being a key holder means I will be spending most of my time on the floor . Guess that is about it for me this morning . Not much else to write about . My back hurts this morning - it is the change in shoes . And my feet hurt last night after only two hours of standing . Good thing I have a huge bottle of Aleve . Today I start my new job at Dollar General . I was hired as a full time lead sales associate . What that means is that I will be a head cashier . Need the money , the job was available . I have been dealing with the lengthy hiring process for about two weeks now . Even had to do a drug test . I hope I like the job . It pays a hair better than the hardware store and has bennies . I 'm not due to go back to the hardware store until October , so I should know by then if I will stay at DG or not . It isn 't anything to write home about , but it is a job and it is close to home . I could walk if I wanted to . But it is another job on my feet , so that probably isn 't going to happen . Looking for a bicycle that I could ride to work . Could use the scooter too . Today I will be bringing the car . It is too hot right now to be out in the sun dressed head to toe in black . I had to go buy some black pants and polo shirts as my uniform . That in itself was a screw up . Went to Walmart first , 70 mile round trip . But I didn 't try on the pants before I bought them , had tried a different size and went up a size since the ones I tried on were tight . When I got home , the ones I bought didn 't fit either . Sigh . . . Since I am starting work today and need the pants , I got back in my car and went to Blythe , 44 mile round trip . I hate the trip to Parker and didn 't want to do it twice in one day . Got what I needed at Kmart . So the uniform thing took pretty much the whole day and a lotta miles . I would have gone back to Sal 's but they closed at 1 and I didn 't look at black pants while I was there earlier . I oculd have left it for this morning , but there was a good chance I wouldn 't find what I needed . It was stressing me out . I did pick up a few other things while I was at Walmart in the morning . Grabbed a couple of beach towels for the cool tub , some fruit , batteries , etc . I did not get a bunch of stuff that was on my list as this isn 't a full Super Walmart and they don 't have a lot of stuff . I will have to go somewhere else or order the rest of my list online . The problem with the beach towels is that they are almost a perfect match to the blanket I have on the couch . I didn 't realize that when I picked them up . They were the least offensive design that was there . Now they are being re designated to my chair . It needed sprucing up . I picked up some pretty purple satin material at Sal 's for the two gray pillows on the couch . You can see it to the right on the couch . Looks really nice in person . And the new towels are on the chair . I will have to haul out the sewing machine soon and do some sewing . I have several things waiting to be stitched . I looked at bikes again while I was at Walmart . Didn 't think to look at KMart while I was there . But didn 't find one I wanted . I want either a single or three speed simple bike , and apparently you can 't buy those anymore . I found one I liked , but it is yellow . Ugh ! I don 't want a yellow or pink or purple bike . Red or blue would be good . My cool tub murked up yesterday . Guessing not enough chlorine . I added a half cup of bleach this morning and it is finally reading on the test strips . Hoping it will have cleared up by the time I get home this afternoon as I am sure I will be ready to cool off by then . If not , I will have to change the water . I have my sump pump now so I can empty it out much faster than the first time . Probably less than an hour . It took several hours just draining it with the hose . Yesterday was actually quite productive . I took the cardboard and trash to the dumpster with the golf cart , cleaned out the fridge , and since I had to go to DG , I hit the post office and gas station since I didn 't fill up when I got back from Blythe the other day . It was too hot . Also picked up another bag of ice . If I am conservative , I use about a bag a week . While I was out with the golf cart I made my stops at the places I am supposed to be keeping an eye on . At one place I took some pictures . There was a palm tree just full of bees ! I didn 't realize it until I was right under it , so I took some pictures with my phone . In one of the pictures , I got more than I expected … . Look in the lower left of the picture . See the black and white stripes ? I didn 't see it until I looked at the picture , it is a King Snake . I wish I had seen it so I could have gotten a better picture of this snake 15ft up a palm tree . I had an experience and didn 't even know it . Was probably after dove eggs . I sliced my limes and the cherry tomatoes that were getting ready to go bad and put them in the food dryer . I still have my pineapple that I will cut today , some peppers and a cuke . I need to do something with those . Now that I have the dryer , I don 't feel so bad if I don 't get the stuff eaten immediately . It has a second chance as a dehydrated fruit or veggie . Tossing around some home improvement ideas . Maybe enclose the back end of the patio where the cool tub is . That would give me an additional room . Lots of add on rooms here . We 'll see . Nothing I can do right now anyway . I should deal with the ugly wall paper , cupboards and floors first . And it will take time to get the funds together to do that . Working isn 't going to make me rich , but I do hope I will be able to save a few dollars . Get my stash back up to where it is supposed to be and maybe do a few things around the house . I could make it a solar room , everything in it running off solar … that would be a fun project . Jake would have had fun with that too . Something to think about . The back set of brick steps would have to go or be modified . Not sure how that would work . Will have to think about that . Not much to write about this morning as I haven 't done a whole lot this week . My intentions are good , but it just doesn 't happen . I read a lot , and then started watching The Gilmore Girls again . It has been a couple of years since I have watched that and TV is so bad right now . I hate reality shows and game shows and that seems to be all that is on now that the season has ended . Here is a picture of my new little couch . I stretched out on it and I think it is going to be fine for sleeping , and I like that I can adjust the sides . Much more comfortable than the sleep ottoman . I like to have my head raised when I sleep and I can do that with this one . It is small , but I am pleased with it . Will have to figure out what furniture to remove at some point , but it works for now . I used my mexican blanket to cover it temporarily , but will be looking for some bright jewel tone colors to put on it . Thankfully was an easy assembly once I figured out which leg went where . They were curved and not marked , so I had to play with them to figure out what leg went on what corner . Have just been looking at railings and things online for my steps . There is no easy fix without destroying the steps , which I like , but am afraid of . For now I am going to get another grab bar for the back side of the steps . If there had been one there before , I wouldn 't have fallen . I still have the scrapes and bruises from that . I can 't find a rail that matches , but I did find one that I can afford . It is close , same size but chrome instead of brushed nickel . I 'm thinking at some point I will just build a little deck over the steps that can be removed if I decide to sell . I hate to destroy the steps . It would change the whole appearance of the patio which is what sold me on the place to begin with . Or I will continue to look for an affordable railing that can be installed without ruining the brick work . I knew those steps would get me at some point . While I was looking at those , I also looked at a safety rail for the cool tub . Found one I really like but it is $ 100 . The base tucks under the tub so no hard mounting required , and would allow me to stand upright getting in and out instead of bending over to hang on to the side of the tub . I will be ordering that at some point because my tub is definitely a keeper and I want to make it safe . My tarantula hawk ( huge wasp ) seems to come in every morning about the same time for a drink of water . That is pretty kool that a bug will do that . I will have to get the pictures on the big camera downloaded soon . My garden is just about over . Most everything seems to be shriveling up in the heat , so I think I am just going to let it all go and stop watering . I need to get some water to the palm tree , and I can get that hooked up fairly easily so that it is on the watering system . When we had those warm temps last week , the geranium that got sun for a couple of hours baked . The other one is ok , but it isn 't growing big and beautiful like I want , it is staying too compact . I guess I will have to change varieties to get the bigger plants , which means I will have to change colors too . The tomato plant is done and gone . I did save a couple of tomatoes for seed tho . Guess that is about it for this morning . Nothing on the agenda for today . We hit 111 yesterday , tomorrow is only supposed to be about 100 . Nights in the 70 's . The swamp cooler in the bedroom is working out pretty well . I fire it up about eight - ish and close the bedroom door with the ceiling fan on , and it is just about right for going to sleep . Keeps my neck from getting too warm and preventing me from falling asleep . I can 't sleep when I am sweating . Ugh ! We hit 120 yesterday ! I think the highest I have seen was 123 and that was in August of last year . Hoping it is only temporary and not a trend for the season . I spent a little while outside yesterday trimming the tomato plants , rearranging things on the bench so that the things I want to try to last a little longer will be in the shade . I also moved the palm tree so that it gets some shade now too and trimmed off the bottom fronds . All the stuff on the left I am going to try to keep a while longer , and the stuff on the right is done for the season . Will try again when it starts to cool off . Kept a couple of the tomato cuttings and am going to dry a tomato or two for the seed . My argentine giant cactus is finally showing some growth . It has about an inch of new growth on the top . That has taken over a year . I 'm glad it is finally coming into it . Spent some time vacuuming and dusting , cleaned the bathroom . I also made a potato salad . Not sure if I am going to finish it tho . It upset my stomach . I 'm thinking the mayo didn 't agree with me . I had a similar experience the last time I used the mayo . I hate to throw it out tho . I never have potatoes in the house and I love potato salad . I ended up having oatmeal for dinner because my stomach was still unhappy . The mayo is a different brand from what I usually buy . I only had my windows open about an hour this morning . The temp outside was briefly lower than indoors so I took advantage of it while I could . Looks like the nights might be cooling down a little for a week or so . Upper 70 's . It was 78 degrees when I walked . Made it to pick up my basket on time . There is a very small window to pick the stuff up . Then I hit the post office and Herbs for a seed block . I took the dead bird to the dumpster after I got back before I parked the car . The additional salad pack which was ten something . I wasn 't happy with the romaine . I had to peel it back quite a bit . The bunnies loved it tho . Plus the spinach was a little bruised and the kale had yellow tips . I am not a huge kale fan , but I chopped it up and cooked it and cooked the spinach since it was bruised and would rot right away . The mangoes are a little soft , but everything else was in pretty good shape . The bananas this time still had their stems thankfully . We hit 117 yesterday . Today is supposed to be about the same . My cool tub was 89 degrees last night . I had to add some water as there was several gallons of evaporation . Tomorrow isn 't going to be much better . One of my geraniums baked yesterday . I guess it is time to let the " garden " go for the summer . It will be easier to setup watering with fewer pots to water . I may bring the surviving plants inside the patio to reduce the sun they are getting . As much as I love the color of those geraniums , the plants themselves grow funny . They stay small and I want big beautiful geraniums . I guess I am going to have to go with a different variety on the next ones . Will probably go with red . Todays agenda is to do a little cleaning , vac and dust . I might run some vinegar thru the washer as it is starting to smell , and I would like to figure out the plants that I am going to let go and the ones I want to try to save and rearrange accordingly . Although it is already 90 degrees and it is only a little after 6 AM . We 'll see how much I manage to do . We hit 112 yesterday . Will be interesting to see what today brings . Right now it is 80 degrees and it is only 5 : 30 . I blew off walking this morning , just didn 't want to do it . I do have to shower and dress and get over to pick up my bountiful basket before 7 , and I need to get a bird block for my critters . I can get that at Herbs , they open at 7 in the summer . I 'm a little more sore from my fall this morning . I have a nice bruise on my right side and the leg hurts , but no visible bruise the last time I looked . All the skin scrapes are healing up . I chopped up some of the green onion tops and put them out to dry in the dryer . They were getting quite tall and leggy . Didn 't do a whole lot else . Just tried to stay cool , drank lots and lots of water and read . Dipped in the tub a couple of times . Last night at 9 , the water temp was 87 degrees and it was still 95 out . Yup , that 's right , the steps finally got me . I am usually very careful as they scare me and I knew at some point I was going to fall on them . Well , I did late yesterday . Thankfully it was from the bottom and not the top . I have some scrapes and bruises , but all in all , very lucky . No sprains , nothing broken . Since the steps are round , I guess I tried to put my foot where there wasn 't any step , and then of course I lost my balance and down I went . I basically rolled down . My right rib and thigh , right foot , left shin , and right forearm . All sore and will be bruised . Lost a little skin on the right foot , right forearm and left shin . Nothing serious . I just ordered a couch , or more accurately - a futon sleeper . I didn 't get the color I wanted , it was $ 80 more and I am planning on slip covering it anyway . I went with charcoal and pewter , still in the color scheme I have been using . Let 's hope I like it . I 'm bored with the living room and I spend a LOT of time there . That is how I am justifying the purchase . I need a change . This is the one I ordered . Same couch , just different colors than I had picked out . I will dress it up with colors from Sal 's . Or with some stuff I already have . I still have the red material that I had on the old couch . There is plenty I can do with it . Plus , it opens as a futon from the sides and makes into a bed . I really don 't have much else this morning . Already 90 degrees at 7 AM , and this is the coolest part of the day . The heat is still building and tomorrow is supposed to be the worst , then a slow cool down to the lower 100 's . The temps in the cool tub late yesterday was 86 degrees . Warmer than indoors , but still cooler than outdoors at the time . I may have to add ice to it from time to time . Although just getting wet cools me off . Will just have to wait and see . I read most of the day again with several dips in the cool tub . Tried my yogurt . It is kind of runny , but tastes great . I 'm doing much better with my eating and I think the Bountiful Basket helped with that . I had fresh produce in the house . Looking forward to this week 's basket . I think next week will be salad week since I added the salad pack . Hoping to have some stuff I can dehydrate too . If I start working , I won 't be able to do the bountiful baskets since the pick up window is so small . Yesterday 's high was 112 . Another night with closed windows and the swamp cooler going . But I had a rough night last night , woke up every two hours and ended up in the living room in the chair . My neck hurts this morning . I have to start remembering to pull my pillow away from the wall a while before I go to bed because it holds the afternoon heat and is too warm when I go to bed . Either that or just keep it away from the wall to begin with . That would make too much sense tho . I 'm tossing around the idea of starting a braided t shirt rug . I just pulled some tops from my drawers , but am not quite ready to get rid of them . It is an easy enough project , just have to get motivated enough to get it started . Thinking I have enough red in the house and might start adding dark purple . I really like the bohemian color combos and would like a little bit here . Need more color . I have nothing on the agenda for today . I am already roasting since I am on the patio in the morning sun . I didn 't walk this morning because when I finally woke up , it was after 5 and already over 80 degrees . Plus my neck hurt . That means I will have to walk on Saturday before I go get my basket at 7 AM . I try to walk 5 days a week . Sunday I usually take off and the second day is flexible . If I had walked today and tomorrow I could have skipped Saturday . Guess that is about it . I did do a garbage run on the scooter yesterday . Stopped and got watering instructions and some frozen food from a couple that is leaving this morning . I watched their watering last year too . I think I will start the day with a dip in the cool tub . It is already hot out and is 80 or so degrees indoors . I need to consider a kool cover over the house . It would keep the heat off the roof and if I had it go down far enough , block the neighbors on the west side . It is pricey tho . I would also like to do some interior painting and replace the flooring . . . again , pricey . So , yesterday was pretty busy . I did everything I had planned and more . I got all the zucchini and peppers cleaned sliced and roasted with onion and olive oil . They were just getting to the point where they were starting to go bad . I used the last of the three onions that came in my basket too . I did the brussels , and again , just in time . Quite a bit of waste . The bunnies will be happy about that . I should have added the last of the shrooms , but didn 't think about it until it was too late . I will do something else with those , maybe stuff them . I went to the post office , DG and Sal 's . Dropped ten bucks at Sal 's but came out with a pretty good haul . Got some utensils for the trailer , TWO Victoria 's Secret bathing suits , a couple of tops , two wooden bowls for a project , some place mats and a cactus print place mat as well . I don 't usually spend that much , but the bowls were a buck each and I need them for a project . The bathing suits were a buck each too . Oh and I got a couple of bags . One orange zippy thing that I can carry my little camera in and a denim zip one with a painted front . This is what I want to make with the bowls … I did try my hand at making the yogurt . It took longer to get it to mix and set stage than I thought , but was very easy to do . I just heated a quart of milk in the crock pot until it hit 180 degrees , then let it cool to 120 and added a tablespoon of plain yogurt , then wrapped it in towels and let sit over night . It looked pretty good when I transferred it to a container , I just hope it will set up . I could probably do it faster on the stove than in the crock pot , but now I have an idea of the amount of time it will take for future reference . My walk was interesting this morning . I pretty much chased a coyote around the park . I know he started out over here because Bea 's sensor light came on and I couldn 't see anything . Then I saw him at the end of A St ( mine ) when I started my walk . I came upon him again on F St having caught and was trying to have his breakfast ( said brown pigeon ) , and then again back on A St when I was wrapping up my walk . And last but not least , I got a picture of the tarantula hawk . It was a small one , about two inches . Looked like it was drinking water from the rocks near the fountain . I did get pics with the big camera , so there will be better shots some other time . As for temps , I saw 106 yesterday and it will steadily get warmer through Saturday , then slowly drop into the low 100 's for another week . Then it will probably warm up again . Not much on the agenda for today . I will probably take a scooter run to the dumpster , and several dips in the cool tub . I used it a couple of times yesterday . Last night I couldn 't open the windows because it never cooled down enough and I used the swamp cooler again in the bedroom . It makes a huge difference in there . It was quite a bit warmer in the living room than the bedroom when I got up this morning . I would be running a fan in the bedroom anyway , might as well be one that puts out cooler air . |
After six years here in Thailand , we moved back to the U . S . Instead of returning to Ohio , we settled into California . Wednesday , December 30 , 2009 This past year Jacob completed third grade and has finished the first half of the fourth grade . I like his teacher , Ms . Bellone , even though she is a Baltimore Ravens fan . She is pretty good at working with Jacob and his energy . One of the projects that Jacob 's class worked on was a digital media story . The kids wrote , illustrated and then read a story . Ms . Bellone posted their work on YouTube ( http : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = iI7umG5NCtY ) and the parents were invited for a writer 's celebration . Jacob did a fantastic job , which was refreshing since he does not like to write . His story was funny , and he made a great use of his voice . His classmates were surprised to learn that he had not in fact had to wear a body cast due to some injury . Reality or fiction , it was a fun story . Jacob does not like the cafeteria food at ISB . He says there are only a few things that he likes , and misses the " glory days " at Mercer where you could get pizza every day . In the ES Games ( " Olympic " games for each grade level ) , Jacob ran in the 800 meter run , the 100 yard dash and in the relay event . While he didn 't win any of them , he did manage to lose one of his shoes in each race . Jacob participated in quite number of sports and after school activities . He played soccer and basketball . In January , his soccer team won the regular season and the tournament . For some reason , Jacob loves to be the goalie . It drives me a bit crazy , because it is not his best position . When he plays defense , mid - fielder or striker , his quickness and agility really help to offset his small size . It doesn 't work so well as a goalie . Basketball started in the fall , and I actually volunteered to be an assistant coach for his team . We almost missed signups , as for some reason I thought that soccer started before basketball . Jacob 's team had a pretty good regular season , tying for the best record in the league . They ended up losing in the semi - finals of the tournament against the eventual winners . His team played really hard but the other team was just a lot bigger Links to this post I want to chronicle a bit about the year for Tim , the kids and myself . I 'm going to break them up by person . Some will probably be more detailed , while others less so . I want to try to preserve a bit of what happened before I forget it . Photography has really helped the process , as I usually have my camera with me , and organize everything in Lightroom by date . My goal is to have one for each of us . We 'll see how far I get . . . No comments : _ MG _ 4971 - EditOriginally uploaded by ebvImagesOn our last trip , I had the chance to photograph caves for the first time . Let me tell you that lugging a tripod and my gear around in the cave wasn 't fun . I ended up needing to use my flash . I was going to try to do it by flashlight with really long exposures , but the problem was that it was too dark to focus . I ran twice today , each time 5k . The problem is that the second time I finished at 9 : 00 p . m . and its really hard to get to sleep . I should know better . No comments : _ MG _ 4879Originally uploaded by ebvImagesWe visited the Hellfire Pass Museum while in Kanchanaburi . The museum was built by the Australian Embassy and is very well done . This place and perhaps the allied grave yard were the most moving to me . The Hellfire Pass was a particularly brutal area for the WWII POW 's and local laborers , as the Japanese engineers forced them to work round the clock to meet their completion deadline . The name Hellfire came from the sight of the emaciated men working in the torch light looked eerily like hell . There is an exhibit and film inside the museum , and outside you can walk along the pass . The workers would lay charges and then clear away the blast debris . They would drill holes to plant the explosives via a hand drill , and cart off the rock in a wheel barrow . I won 't go into all the details of it , but it was a sobering reminder of what man is capable of doing to each other . It seems like it was so long ago , but it happened in my parent 's lifetime ( or close enough ) . I 've been taking a lot of photos this year . The count in my Lightroom library is over 13 , 000 for the year . Now , there are multiple copies of some photographs , but there are also a lot that I 've deleted . Recently , I 've been distracted playing a computer game ( Dragon Age , fun game ) , so I 've been very slow to process things . I also need to get a little better disciplined about reviewing the photos right after I take them . Pare down the list of the things that are good , and things that aren 't , process the former and delete the latter . The sheer number of them gives me pause . I remember what a consultant I worked with said " How do you eat a whole elephant ? One bite at a time . " No comments : Another Christmas has come and gone . The holidays are probably the time I miss " home " the most . Still , it was a nice holiday . The girls were knocking on our door at 7 : 00 a . m . , the earliest time that we allow . After rousing us , they went and woke up Jacob . He is always the last one up . We opened presents and went to have a " traditional " Christmas lunch of roasted duck and noodles . Yes , I know I was channeling the Christmas Story , but that duck is just so good . The kids received presents from us and Santa . The family sent money , so instead of me buying them more presents with it , we gave it for them to use to buy things on our vacations . Our plan is to go to Japan in April and the U . S . in the summer , so the kids will have some money to buy some things . No comments : _ MG _ 2813Originally uploaded by ebvImagesAs I earlier blogged , last weekend we went to the fireworks in honor of the King 's birthday . This was one of the first few times that I have tried to photograph fireworks . I 've done it a little before , but this is the first time I set up and tried to capture some decent photos . I read some tips on how to photograph fireworks . One of the tips was to use bulb mode . In bulb mode the camera keeps the shutter open as long as you hold the button down . I took a lot of shots , and a few of them turned out fairly decent . The two biggest challenges were getting the exposure right ( using bulb mode ) and the smoke . However the shots turned out , I feel like I learned something and I know that I had fun . My wife learned yesterday that someone had stolen her spare tire . In this model of Izuzu , the spare tire is underneath the vehicle and secured with a chain . Apparently , they do not secure it with a very sturdy chain as she learned . Afterwards people told her " of course you are supposed to buy a better chain . " We didn 't even realize the spare was under the car , so upgrading the spare wasn 't even something that we thought about . 1 comment : The kids had their ES ( Elementary School ) games this week . Each grade has its version of the games where the classes in that grade compete against each other . The events differ based on the grade , although there are some standards . There is usually a sprint , a relay and a distance run . For the 4th graders it was an 800 meter run , while the 3rd graders did 600 meters . The kindergartners only had to run 50 meters . Not all the kids participate in each of the running events . Jacob ran in the 800 meter and finished in the middle of the pack . His shoe flew off in the first 50 meters . This was a theme for him , as he lost them in the sprints and the sprint relays . He was wearing shoes that fasten with Velcro , and apparently kept them too loose . Overall Jacob 's class was not the most athletic of fourth graders . There was an event where they had to catch a tennis ball , and the difference between Jacob 's class and the rival class was stark . Not even 1 / 3 of Jacob 's class could catch the ball , while the other team seemed to have little trouble . Nalin didn 't do the sprint or distance run , but she was part of her class ' relay team . When they told me that she had the second fastest time on the team , I knew they were not going to be finishing near the top . They didn 't . She had fun though . Aleena had fun at her game . She really isn 't about competition at all . During her " sprint " , she had her head turned looking at the other kids . I took quite a few photos this week . I 've posted a few , but there are a lot to go . Someday . No comments : _ MG _ 2826Originally uploaded by ebvImagesI only took my 70 - 200 mm lens to take photos at Jacob 's ES games . Its really a great lens for taking shots of the kids in action , but its really tough to get a good group shot . I would just have to stand very far back and with other parents taking photos , its just not going to happen . I decided to instead just focus on Jacob and a person or two around him . Jacob is going to play the role of Toto in ISB 's Elementary School production of the Wizard of Oz . The play is cast with the fourth and fifth graders ( Jacob is a fourth grader ) . I 'm not sure how much he will actually say , but he might be on stage a bit . There are actually two people playing Toto . I think they actually have cast four girls as Dorothy and a handful for the Scarecrow . Jacob was hoping to land the Scarecrow role , but it didn 't work out this time . Still , I think he 'll have fun . Its all about having fun , right ? Well , and winning too . No comments : This evening Tim had VIP tickets for the family to go to a firework show in honor of the King . The show was not very far from the house . Absent traffic , you could drive there in ten or fifteen minutes . The traffic certainly wasn 't absent today . It took us over two hours to make the short drive . Had we known , we could have walked there much more quickly . The traffic jam was only the beginning . Tim had a VIP parking pass , but somehow we made a wrong turn and had to double park along the side of the road . We arrived right before the show started and were lucky to find seats . The VIP area is reserved until a certain point at which they let anyone into the area . Tim 's brother Top and his family were a few rows behind us . They didn 't know we were coming , nor did we know they were . We were a bit hungry , as we had planned on eating at a food stand before the show started , but we got there so late . Tim asked an event worker where she could buy food , and they told her that she was entitled to a snack with her tickets . It was a little box like you might get on an airplane . It had a small sandwich , orange juice , some savory pastry and a piece of cake . I wasn 't really paying attention to the food , as I was trying to get my camera setup to take some photographs of the fireworks . Nalin asked if it was okay if she ate the cake , and the nanny told her yes . Soon after she said her lips started itching . Turns out there were nuts in the cake . After a little while , Nalin was itching more , so Tim decided to take her home as we hadn 't packed Benedril or an Epipen with us . Tim arranged for the rest of us to get a ride back home with Top . After the show , we were talking towards Top 's father - in - law 's house , which was close by and where he had parked . I talked to Tim and she had not made it very far in the 45 minutes that she had left . After walking about 25 minutes , we actually caught up with Tim and got in the car . Nalin was really upset and not feeling well . It probably took us a total of close to ninety minutes from the time the show eLinks to this post The Thai authorities seized a plane today at Don Meung Airport containing 35 tonnes of weaponry from North Korea . The plane had stopped here to refuel . The Thai authorities were acting on a tip / request of the U . S . government . No comments : On the ride to school today , Aleena asked me " Daddy , what day was I born on ? " So naturally I told her the date . " Daddy , that sounds like my birthday " she responded . Laughingly , I replied , " Yes , your birthday is the day you were born . Where do you think we got your birthday from ? " " I don 't know " was her answer . 2 comments : St . Nick came and visited the kids last night . I can never remember if he is supposed to come the night of the 4th or the 5th , so invariably he comes on the night of the 5th . Yesterday we put up the Christmas tree and decorations . Our Christmas tree here is pretty small and unimpressive . I think its only a 3 or so foot artificial tree . We never buy anything larger , because our situation here is not permanent . That 's okay most of the time , but sometimes I think we use it as an excuse not to buy things that we would probably end up enjoying even if not permanently . Still , the kids had fun decorating , at least until they decided to play and let Tim and I finish . Its nice that Tim and the kids have a 3 day weekend . The King 's birthday was Saturday , so a lot of places are off on Monday . Her office is actually open on Monday because they were closed on Saturday which is a normal work day . Tim 's taking Monday off anyway since the kids are off school . 1 comment : _ MG _ 1456 - EditOriginally uploaded by ebvImagesWe went to the Thailand Balloon Festival in Ayutthaya today . It was a lot of fun . The kids were absolutely on their best behavior . They really enjoyed seeing the balloons , and I had the chance to take some photos . By some I mean a lot . A few of the family turned out all right . If you 've read the blog before , you know that some Thai 's take any offense against the monarchy very seriously . Thailand has some of the strictest les majeste laws in the world . I won 't fully go into my thoughts on these laws , as some official with too much time on his or her hands may deem unflattering comments about the law prohibiting offense to the monarchy as offensive to the monarchy . It is unlikely , but you never know . Recently I found out that the the government had set up a web site where you can report any offense against the monarchy that you encounter . Sounds a little Orwellian to me , but then again , no public official gets in trouble for professing his love for the monarchy too loudly if you catch my drift . In any case , the reason I found out that the web site existed is because the Bangkok Post reported that the site had been hacked and replaced with an advertisement for a mortgage company . I 'm not sure if the advertisement was in the Thai language or if the hack originated from Thailand . If the person who hacked the site is in the Kingdom , they may possess great intelligence as it pertains to computers , but they certainly are lacking in wisdom . I have near certainty that defamation of the web site will be construed as an offense against the King and they take that very seriously here . No comments : Today , December 5th , is Father 's Day in Thailand . Father 's Day is always celebrated on the King 's Birthday , so at some point , it may no longer be on December 5th . While it can change , it has been the same day for most Thai people 's lives . The King has been on the throne for sixty - two years . I suspect that when the King eventually passes , as all men must , that the Thai people may make December 5th the permanent Father 's Day . In the off chance I 'm wrong and its not officially changed , I bet a lot of people continue to celebrate it on that day for years to come . No comments : After dropping the kids off at school , I headed over to the pool and swam a kilometer . I did a light workout yesterday ( 15 minutes on stair master and 40 minutes on elliptical glider ) , but I 've been taking it easy over the past four or five days because I think I overdid it a bit with my 12 . 5 kilometer run last week . Later in the morning I went back to Wat Arun ( Temple of the Dawn ) to take some more photos . I think I got some nice shots , but we 'll see when I process them . I really need to get out at least 2 or 3 times a week to get some shots . One thing that annoyed me is that I spent quite a bit of time cleaning my sensor on Sunday , but some of the photos came out with spots on them . After looking at the lenses , I think that the lens might have been dirty . I have to do some more testing . No comments : _ MG _ 0328Originally uploaded by ebvImagesOne thing that has made soccer even more fun for Nalin this year is that she is on the same team as her good friend Caroline . I like this photo . They were both looking in the same direction when I snapped it . Oh , and yes , Nalin has two different color socks . She lost one of the dark ones . _ MG _ 0495Originally uploaded by ebvImagesThe kids had soccer games this weekend . Jacob and Nalin 's team both lost , but I 'm not sure of the actual score in Aleena 's game . Technically they don 't keep score , but people usually know . In typical fashion , Aleena was more interested in having fun and laughing than kicking the ball towards her goal . Still , she has fun out there . In this photo , she is next to her teammate Ireland . I haven 't worked out for the last 3 days because my left leg is bothering me . The calf is really tender as well as my inside left thigh . I 'm going to take off one more day ( Sunday ) and then I am going to try to do something on Monday . No comments : The red shirts had a big rally planned starting this weekend . Their plan was to rally until the King 's birthday on December 5th , take a day off , and then resume the rally until the government collapsed . A few days ago , former PM Thaksin , the power behind the red shirts , announced that the time was not right for the rallies . Protesting during another holiday was exactly what the red shirts needed ; if they wanted to turn every Thai not already committed to their cause against them . The rallies in April disrupted Song Klong , the Thai New Year , and probably cost them a lot of support . I was a little surprised at Thaksin calling off the rally because in the last six months , his actions were hardly consistent with his apparent desire to return to Thailand and perhaps to power . Rumors were that he was in Cambodia during the April protests , waiting for the masses to congregate and usher him back in . An interview with a London based news organization was viewed by his opponents as against the monarchy . Recently , Thaksin 's flirting with Cambodia at a time when Thailand and Cambodia are feuding over borders earned him no love . Perhaps the former PM has had a change of heart . Today 's Bangkok Post had an article which stated that Thaksin wanted to negotiate with the government to end all the red shirt rallies in exchange for him returning to Thailand free from his two year prison sentence . The negotiations would also deal with the 76 billion baht asset seizure case against him that is expected to be decided in January . Theoretically , the agreement would allow Thaksin to return to Thailand with his fortune in tact , and in exchange his political opponents , the Democrats ( unrelated to the U . S . party of the same name ) would remain in power without the worry of potentially economically crippling protests . The problem is that Thaksin 's bargaining position is considerably weaker than it was back in April . Even back then , he did not have the number of supporters to cause a change in government . Unlike the previous government , the curLinks to this post Jacob 's class had a day to celebrate the stories that they wrote . They wrote the stories , drew pictures , and then recorded the audio . Jacob does a great job using his voice . The people in his class seemed to believe ( since Jacob told them it was ) the story was true . Here is the link : http : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = iI7umG5NCtY 2 comments : The weather in Bangkok is fantastic right now . Its nice and cool . Don 't get me wrong , its not cold , just a pleasant break from the heat and humidity . No comments : Wrong WayOriginally uploaded by ebvImagesI 've talked before about motorcycles driving the wrong way down Bangkok streets . On our way to the Science Museum , I saw this guy driving in the wrong way on the shoulder . Unfortunately , this is not uncommon . Three years after he was deposed from power , former Prime Minister Thaksin still manages to grab headlines and polarize Thai society . Recently , he accepted a position as an economic advisor to Cambodia . Thailand and Cambodia share a border , and recently there has been tension involving the Preah Vihear Temple , which was declared a world heritage site in July of 2008 . The temple itself is apparently in Cambodia , but the area around it is in dispute . Both lay claim to much of the surrounding area . Cambodia bases its claims on maps created by France when it colonized Cambodia , while Thailand supports its position with evidence of watershed . In any case , both countries have placed troops along the border . There may have been some gunfire , but there is little chance of a real war breaking out over the area . It is widely believed that Cambodia Prime Minister Hun Sen appointed Thaksin as an economic adviser to tweak Thailand . Its certainly worked in getting people talking . Thailand requested that Cambodia extradite Thaksin to Thailand when he arrived in Cambodia , but the request was refused . Thailand refused to let Thaksin 's private jet enter Thai airspace on his return trip home . Cambodia arrested some Thai employees at the airport whom they accused of spying for Thailand in trying to get information on Thaksin 's flight . While Thaksin made it safely back to Dubai , I 'm not sure these latest moves won 't hurt him . Thai people are very nationalistic and proud of their country . At best , Thaksin seemed to have allowed himself to be used by Cambodia in their dispute against Thailand . At worst , some may believe that is he choosing to help Cambodia against Thailand . If Thai people start believing that , I think his support will fade even more rapidly than it already has . No comments : _ MG _ 9622Originally uploaded by ebvImagesAleena had a soccer game this morning . Her game was at 8 : 00 a . m . , the same time as Nalin 's . Aleena has a pretty laid back attitude towards the game . By that I mean she is more interested in talking to her friends and laughing than she is scoring goals . Still , she has fun . Her team tied 2 - 2 today . Tim and I went and saw the movie 2012 today . The basic premise is that a cataclysmic event befalls the earth in 2012 . The date 2012 is based on the Mayan calendar , which ends in 2012 . Be prepared to suspend a lot of disbelief when watching this movie . Its not a bad rental , but definitely not a must see in the theater . No comments : During Aleena 's soccer practice today , I did a few laps around the track . There were three teachers working out together while I was there . The funny thing was that all three of them were my kids ' teachers . No comments : Went swimming today for the first time in a few months . Only did half a kilometer , but it was nice to get back in the water . No comments : Tim was out of the office today , so I went to lunch with Sine . We were on our way to the restaurant when a passenger van cut right in front of me . I had to hit the breaks to avoid hitting the van . I felt a jolt from behind . I looked in the rear view mirror and saw a motor cycle down on the ground . I said that he hit us . Sine apparently is hard of feeling , because she missed the jolt . We pulled over and went back to see if the two cyclists were okay . At first one started to say that I swerved into him , but quickly changed his story . I 'm not quite sure why . I tried to call Tim three or four times without success . Finally , I had Sine call Top . Top sent over some people from the office to help . There was a big crack on my bumper . Of course the motor cyclist didn 't have insurance and didn 't have the money to pay for it . Still we waited . Some people from the station came and talked to the other driver . Sine was " explaining " what happened , and I had to interject . Eventually we just went on our way . It sucked because the entire thing took almost an hour , and I had the same result as if I had kept driving . I actually felt some sympathy for the motorcyslist , which is certainly not normal for me . He should have maintained a safe distance , but the guy who really caused the accident was the passenger van who forced me to break suddenly . No comments : An hour after I went to bed , my phone rang , alerting me that my bags had arrived . I anxiously opened the bags , not sure if the twenty - one packs of sliced non - dairy cheese would be preserved or spoiled . To my delight , there was still ice in the freezer bag . It didn 't all melt and refreeze in the plane ( although the high altitude part of the flight might have helped preserve it ) , because one of the bags was crushed ice , and they were still in individual pieces . All my things appear to be there so I am happy . The bad news is that I 'm awake now . No comments : Well , I made it back to Bangkok tonight , but my checked luggage did not . I 'm guessing that they didn 't get it on the plane from Detroit to Tokyo . When I arrived in Detroit , I went straight to the gate , and within five minutes they called the final boarding call for my flight . I 'd like to give a big one finger salute to the ground crew in Detroit who let our flight from Cincinnati sit on the runway for fifteen minutes waiting for them to get the gate ready . The problem with not having my luggage is that I had cheese for the girls in it . It was frozen and packed with ice in a container that boasted to keep things frozen for at least 30 hours . We 'll see what state it is in when it arrives tomorrow . No comments : In Norita ( Tokyo ) waiting for my flight to Bangkok . A few minutes ago one of my countrymen was walking through the airport screaming out curses ( mom , don 't read this part , including fuck , god damn , assholes ) . Apparently he was unhappy with something . Totally uncool . I 've said those things before , and sometimes in response to people I deal with . However , only someone right next to me would actually hear me say something like that . This guy was turning heads from more than fifty feet away . I was seated in the middle seat of exit row ( 51 ) for the flight . Row 51 is a great row in that it has a lot of leg room . The wall to the restroom is the only thing in front of you , and that 's probably 8 or so feet away . Its one of the few rows where the middle and window seat passengers can get up without requiring the person on the aisle to move . One of the gentleman sitting next to me was somehow affiliated with the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra . I think he was a donor . The orchestra is touring in Japan , and he was going to see them . He knew John Russel , the former assistant conductor who 's wife Thea was a friend of Tim 's . Only another nine or so hours left before I 'm back in Thailand . No comments : Recently , my iTouch developed a few little lines of dead pixels across the screen . I took it into the Apple shop today and within twenty minutes walked out with a new ( probably refurbished ) iTouch . I 'm happy with the way Apple handles these things , quickly and largely hassle free . The only downsides were two . First , I lost everything on my iTouch . Normally , this wouldn 't be as big of a deal , because I would just sync with my desktop . Unfortunately , my desktop is on another continent at the moment . Secondly , I had upgraded the software on my iTouch . I have a first generation , and upgraded it to version 2 . 2 . The new iTouch is on version 1 . 1 . In order to use the games I want , I need at least version 2 . 2 . Unfortunately , I could not find that software , so I had to spend $ 4 . 95 to upgrade to version 3 . 1 . Overall I 'm pretty happy with things though . In less fortunate iProduct related news , Tim took her iPhone swimming with her . She has a case she uses for working out that wraps around the arm . She forgot that she was wearing it and got into the water . Not good . Not good at all . No comments : I 'm in Atlanta waiting for my flight back from Cincinnati . I thought I had booked my flight back from Austin for today , the 19th . When I checked the morning , apparently I had booked it for tomorrow the 20th . When I called Delta to try to change it , the first agent told me that there were no seats available today . The guy was a bit of an ass . They have the suffix ESQ behind my name from my days as an attorney . He kept calling me Vogelesq even after I politely corrected him several times . I would say " Vogel , V O G E L " and he would say , " right , Vogelesq " . He didn 't even attempt to rebook . When I told him that I was having trouble accessing my itinerary online , he told me that I shouldn 't be having trouble . Oh , really , I thought ? You guys don 't design it to not work ? At my request , he was able to transfer me to someone who could find their butt with both hands , although even this person might have needed a few minutes . I called back a bit later and talked to someone else . The lady tried to help me , and even put me on hold and sought help . She finally came back and said that since the flight was booked through Continental ( it was actually through Expedia ) , that I had to call Continental . While I was on hold with Continental , I checked the price to book a brand new one way flight . I 'm glad I did , because when I called Continental , they quoted a price to change it that was almost twice the price of booking a new ticket . Um , no thanks . . . I went to book a new flight online with Delta , but they didn 't show seats available for the flight . I didn 't want to pay more money only to fly standby and not actually make it home , so I called . When I explained I wanted to book a new flight , the CSR told me that she could change my reservation . When I explained what the other two numb - skulls had told me , she said that they must have been having a bad day . A subtle shot , I liked it . In any case I rebooked the flight for today . No comments : Less than twenty - four hours after arriving in Cincinnati , I am heading out for a side trip today . I 'm actually feeling pretty good . I went to bed last night around 11 : 30 , and woke up at 8 : 00 am . Its quite possible that I could crash hard on the plane or when I arrive at my destination . No comments : Made it back to Cincinnati last night . I didn 't realize that I was actually on stand - by for my flight from LAX . The agent in BKK said they couldn 't assign a seat because it was a Delta flight on a Northwest itinerary . I wouldn 't normally have believed that , but I had some weird problems with mixing them before . Turns out that I got the last seat available . I was looking at the cleared list ( those on standby assigned to a seat ) and the standby list . My name wasn 't on either , and there were only one or 2 seats listed available . I went to the counter and the agent told me she was just issuing my seat . I ended up sitting in a a middle seat , but fortunately , I was in between two normal sized women . That was a lot more comfortable than in the same row as two large men . I 've really noticed how fat Americans have become . Well , maybe they have always been that way . In fact , I still am fat , just not as fat as I was a year ago . I saw more fat people yesterday traveling than I have in the last year on Thailand ( not counting foreigners ) . No comments : I 'm sitting at the El Cholo Catina in LAX . Sounds a lot better than it is . The flight from Japan was 9 hours , long by most standards , but at least shorter than the 13 hour from Japan to Detroit . Of course , now I have a 5 hour flight ahead of me . I had an excellent seat on the flight from Japan , at least theoretically . I was in the exit row by the window . The leg room for one leg was a little cramped , but the other longer than my leg . Its one of the window seats where you can actually get up and walk around without disturbing the people next to you . The people sharing the row with me were why the seat was theoretically great . In the middle seat was a thin guy who had to be over 6 ' 5 . While he was thin , he had fairly wide shoulders . He ended up leaning in my seat fairly frequently thanks to the guy sitting on the aisle , who was just plain big . My guess is that he tipped the scales at close to 300 lbs . Immigration , customs and luggage re - check were a breeze . I saw some minor TV star in the airport , but I can 't place him for sure . No comments : I 'm on my way back to the U . S . Currently in Japan waiting for my flight to L . A . Interesting thing on the flight over . I sat in 16C , which does not have an overhead storage available ( a life raft in it ) , nor does it have a seat in front . So I had to go find a spot somewhere else . I went a few rows back , and some old guy said " No , you can 't put that there . " I just looked at him and started to move the 2 tiny bags that were occupying a lot of space . " No No No you can 't " he continued . I explained that my seat didn 't have any storage and I could put it here . " I don 't care if you have a place or not " he said in a raised voice , and then actually grabbed my arms in an attempt to stop me . The guy was old and wasn 't very successful , which was good for him , since if I dropped the bag due to his antics , I would probably have broken his hip . I told him that if he kept it up they would throw him off the plane . He then said that he need to be able to get to his bag quickly ( I assume for a medicine ) and he couldn 't move my bag . I nicely said " asshole , if you had nicely asked and told me that before I would have gladly found another spot " , which I then did . I did say asshole , but I 'm not sure where it was in the sentence . His reply was " I did , I said no . " " That is your idea of nicely " I went back to my seat . A few minutes later I heard him request someone else not put their bag there , this time in a much nicer voice . No comments : Basketball is over now and soccer is starting up . Jacob 's team finished tied for first in the regular season ( 6 - 1 ) and lost in the second round of the tournament . Of the 9 games , I think 4 were decided by two points . The last game was really exciting and close . The other team won by two points on a shot in the final ten seconds . Initially , the kids took it pretty hard . Most of the team was actually crying . They really wanted to win . It was nice to see that . No comments : As some of you already know , I 'll be stateside from October 15th through the 29th . I had to cancel the trip to Japan again . Its a long story , but not really a bad one . We are rescheduled to go back in April . To the dismay of my parents and family , I will be returning home alone again . No comments : |
I guess technically I should have called this post " Weather Report and Down Time , " since I 'm going to talk about the weather first , but it 's my blog , and I 'll do want I want . Plus , I just like the way it sounds . Right now as I type this post , it is raining . That 's right , you read me right . It 's RAINING ! In Phoenix , Arizona , the good old P to the H to the X and that 's the PHX ! This is not " mist " or " drizzle " or the " don 't worry you can run between the drops " kind of rain . This is actual , by God , things are getting wet , puddles are forming , " I wish I rolled up my car windows " kind of rain . Sure , by the standards of a lot of places , when it 's all done , it won 't amount to much . But rain in Phoenix is special . It 's a reaffirmation of life . It makes the air smells fresher and cleaner . It 's how cars get washed . It causes the rate of rear - end collisions to sky - rocket . What ? Yeah , you read me right . Rain causes the incidence of rear - end collisions to rise here in Phoenix . Here 's what happens . As cars drive down a road , grease and oil fall off the car onto the roadbed . This happens on roads all over the world . You would think that this would make the roads slicker , but it doesn 't . In most places , it rains enough that the slippery goo washes away before building up too much , so it doesn 't become a problem . In Phoenix , things are a bit different . We don 't get a lot of rain . It 's not really uncommon to go months at a time between rains , so you can see that the oily , greasy goo builds up on the roadbeds . When the road is dry , this isn 't much of a problem , because in the great scheme of things , it 's not a lot of goo , and it tends to hide in the pores of the asphalt . But when it rains , watch out ! For the first few minutes of the rain , the goo starts to rise , then the action of the goo and water being squeezed between the roadbed and tires starts to turn it into a mousse - like substance , which can really be slick . You really can 't see it very well with the naked eye . You kind of have to look at the roadbed at an oblique angle , with a liRead More . . . Well , I didn 't do much of anything today , but at least I had plenty of time to do it . Since I 'll be going down to Tucson Friday night , to visit with Johnny Wraith through the weekend , I decided to take today and Friday off , and get a few things done around my apartment . Also , I went over to my Mom 's house to help her clean the filter for her central heating and cooling unit . The actual amount of time it takes to do this is about fifteen minutes , but you have to let the filter dry after washing it , and that takes about and hour and a half . So Mom and I sat around talking , and watching various " Judge " shows , like " Judge Joe Brown " and " Judge Judy . " After watching about ninety minutes of this garbage , I came to the realization that there are an incredible number of really dumb people in the world , and that any number of them are willing to go on national television to prove it . After the filter was dry and reinstalled , my Mom took me out for a pizza . We went to my favorite pizza joint in the area , Ralph 's La Hacienda Pizzeria , 15236 N . 59th Avenue , in Glendale , ( 602 ) 978 - 2780 , on the southwest corner of Greenway and 59th . I 've been going there for over thirty years , ever since high school , and when ever I 'm near my Mom 's house , I stop in , usually with her , to have some pizza or spaghetti . Recently , Ralph died , and the place was sold , so technically it 's now Long Wong 's Wings and Ralph 's Pizza , but that 's a real mouthful . Anyway , I only go there for the pizza , which is just as good as ever . I like wings , too , but there are other Long Wong 's near my house ; there 's only one Ralph 's . I wasn 't going to do anything other than scarf a pizza . The medium cheese and meatball pizza went down real smooth . When you 're in the area , give Ralph 's a try . You might like it . It doesn 't matter to me , it won 't change my mind . I hope to see you out there on the road . Sincerely , The Cab Guy Well , I had a very full and interesting day today . But unfortunately , not enough time to write about it . Yesterday , I was threatened with being fired , but was spared the axe . Today , after reviewing my options , I decided to quit . I didn 't do anything that was really wrong , but was caught being a little too curious about why the company was allowing certain drivers to grow fat ( financially ) at the expense of all the rest of us , even though we all pay the same lease , and how it was being done . Watch for all the sordid details in up - coming posts over the next few days . Speaking of fat , don 't worry about The Cab Guy not being able to buy groceries and being forced onto a diet due to a lack of funds . I 've already being hired by another taxi firm , which at 300 + cabs is the major competition of the firm I used to work for . The President of the new company welcomed me personally to the new firm ! I 'm going to work a shift tomorrow to activate my contract , then take a few days off to visit Johnny Wraith down in Tucson . I 'll be taking along my notebook computer so that I can keep up with this blog . I hope to see you out there on the road . Sincerely , The Cab Guy Here 's an update to my posting of Saturday , November 24 , 2007 . If you 've read the original post , you know that Friday night , November 23 , I had aguy walk out on his fare . As of the time of Saturday 's posting , Joe hadn 't responded to my note requesting he call me and make arrangements to pay , hence my rant . If you haven 't read the post , see If It Walks Like a Duck . . . for all the details . Tonight , Joe left me an voicemail saying he left twenty dollars in an envelope under the welcome mat in front of his door , and I could come by and pick it up anytime . Since he lives only about two miles from me , I went right over to get the Andy Jackson . After retrieving the money , I wrote on the envelope , " Thanks Joe , I appreciate this . No hard feelings . " Maybe I was a little hasty in calling Joe a " drunken pissant . " Although he could have coughed up the cash a little sooner . Maybe I 'll see you out there on the road . Sincerely , The Cab Guy To provide some much needed diversion and entertainment , after work tonight , I went to my favorite casino , to play a little Blackjack . Watching other people in the game caused to me think about why some people play the way they do . I use a strict " basic strategy " style of play when I play " 21 " , and vary my bets to take advantage of winning streaks , while diluting the effects of losing streaks . For example , I almost always ( greater than 98 % of the time ) hit a 16 when the dealer 's up card is a 7 or better . I know the math , and proven it for myself . Standing on 16 , hoping the dealer does not have a " made hand " ( 17 through 21 ) is a statistical loser 72 % of the time , because 72 % of the time the dealer will in fact have a made hand , or draw to one , taking your money . Alternatively , hitting 16 , even with it 's unfavorable chance of busting ( eight of thirteen cards , the 6 through King ) , produces a statistical loss only 60 percent of the time , because five of thirteen cards ( 5 down to the Ace ) will produce a tie , or a better hand than the dealer . Putting it another way , this means that standing on sixteen ( against a 7 or better ) wins only 28 % of the time , while hitting produces a winner 40 % of the time . This is a significant difference . So if you 're a gambler , and play Blackjack , please leave a comment explaining what you do in this situation , hit or stay , and why . I promise not to try to argue the rightness or wrongness of your strategy . I 'm just curious . Who knows , maybe I 'm missing something here . By the way , I won three hundred dollars on a two hundred dollar " buy - in " while playing at a ten dollar minimum bet table . That was certainly entertaining , and I diverted the winnings directly into my bank account . The icing on the cake ? The casino gave me a ten dollar meal ticket , to encourage me to come back another time . I ordered a steak , egg and hash browns plate , to go . It will make a delicious breakfast . I hope to see you out there on the road . Sincerely , The Cab Guy All my life I 've heard how important it is to not disregard the little things . Actually , the advice is usually stated this way : " Take care of the little things , and the big things will take care of themselves . " This advice is so appropriate in the cab world . At least once a day , someone will get in my cab and say something like , " I 'm sorry this is such a short trip , but I only need to go to . . . " and they name someplace that 's close by . This happened to me three times today . The only reason I can think of for someone to apologize for how short a fare might be is that some other cabbie , in the past , has made it obvious that he ( or she ) was very disappointed to get a short fare , as opposed to a longer one , and made that disappointment obvious to the customer . This experience probably left the customer embarrassed , and feeling that many or all cabbies feel this way , hence the need to apologize to me . You don 't need to apologize to me . I 'm never sorry to get a fare , any fare , because they all fall to the bottom line . Sure , it can be tedious to get a whole string of five or six dollar calls , all in a row , but I usually don 't worry about it . I know that by the end of the day , or week , or month , everything will balance out , and I 'll have received my fair share of short , medium and long fares , and make a pretty good living for doing my job . You see , my average fare , with tip , is currently ( over the past year ) about seventeen dollars . Today I took ten calls in about eight hours , and booked $ 191 . 00 , a little above my per - call average , but it 's in the ball park . A normal day is usually about eleven or twelve hours , twenty to thirty calls , and total bookings of $ 275 . 00 to $ 325 . 00 . ( For the purpose of accounting for my time , I include " no shows " in my trip count , which tends to skew the per - call average down . ) If I were to adopt a business plan that demanded I refuse to do any call that was less than , say , twenty dollars , you can easily see I 'd be giving up somewhat more than half my usual total bookings . After my expenses for gasoliRead More . . . If you were to think about it logically , not everyone who acts the way a thief would act is a thief . But every thief who acts like a thief certainly is . So how do you tell the difference between two people exhibiting thief - like behavior ? Which one is the criminal , and which one doesn 't realize how his behavior looks to an observer ? I post this observation , and the attendant question , because of something that happened to me last night , and something that happened today . Before I get to the story of the two situations , I want to make it perfectly clear that I understand that it is not always easy for a person to see that his behavior may be negatively perceived , because he does not perceive his behavior to be negative . The political correctness crowd have convinced us that stereotyping is an invalid method of determining potential dangers in our midst . They say that just because something walks like a duck , quacks like a duck , and lays duck eggs , doesn 't mean that it 's a duck . Bullshit , I say ! If it walks like a duck , quacks like a duck and lays duck eggs , it 's a duck . If you dress like a thug , talk like a thug , and act like a thug , you may be the valedictorian of your class at the local Parochial school . . . but pardon me , if you don 't mind ( and I don 't give rat 's ass if you do ) , if I assume you 're a thug , and take steps to protect me and mine until you prove otherwise . How a person is perceived is at least as much the responsibility of that person , and I say much more , as that of someone observing him . With that , let me tell you the story of my night and day . I usually work during the day , as I find that the " Weirdness Quotient " is lower than at night , plus it allows me to have at least the opportunity of a somewhat normal life outside of my cab . However , Friday was a very slow day , so I went home for a few hours to rest , intending to go out later and make a few extra bucks . After getting back on the streets at about 1030pm , my very first call took me to Pomeroy 's a very nice tavern / bar at the intersection of Missouri ARead More . . . A friend of mine operates a website / blog named Johnny Wraith Stories ( link on sidebar ) . This is where he posts his fiction stories , allows others to post their stories , receives comments on his stories , and comments others stories . The other day he posted a question about gambling . Here 's Johnny 's question : So , is there a trick to winning at slots ? For instance , if I have $ 100 , do I just put it in any machine and hit MAX BET until I am out or rich , or do I switch from machine to machine based on some algorithm , or do I limit my bets based on results , or what ? Maybe because I 'm closer to Johnny that the average person , I understood that it was a joke question designed to " stir up the pot . " He does this from time to time , just to see if any responses might generate story ideas . Some people obviously didn 't get the joke . Some called Johnny stupid , while others implored him to invest his money more wisely . I liked my answer the best . But then again , I 'm an ego maniac . For your enjoyment , or disgust , here 's what I said : Johnny , If you 're going to throw your money away on gambling anyway , the best way to obtain maximum benefit and enjoyment from a one hundred dollar bill is follow this simple , five - step process : 1 . Take your hundred - dollar bill , go to a nice restaurant , have a forty dollar meal , leave ten for a tip , and insist you get your change in the form of a single fifty - dollar bill . Go home . Maybe listen to some soft music , or put in a DVD . Relax until you hear the call of nature . 2 . Answer the call , taking along the fifty - dollar bill , and one of those resealable sandwich bags . Sit down on the throne , relax , and let nature take it 's course . Meanwhile , pull out the fifty , and examine it closely . Look at the intricate design formed by the engraved plate upon the paper . Leave no detail unexamined . Commit it to memory . Consider how you exchanged one piece of paper , similar to the fifty , for a meal , and received a different piece of paper in return , and how absurd this course of action would appear to an African Bushman . WhenRead More . . . I really couldn 't think of anything to write today . Except for " I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving . Be grateful for what you have received . Treat your family right . Don 't eat to much . Brush and floss before bed . " Meanwhile , check out these picture of birds I 'd like to see at my holiday dinner . Yummy ! Hey , what do you want ? I 'm addicted to bad jokes and puns ! But wouldn 't these " birds " make up a great dinner party ? You betcha ! Sincerely , The Cab Guy A few years back , in my Fast Lane Magazine column , I wrote a little rant concerning drinking and driving . As we enter the holiday season , I think you might find it educational . The Cab Guy Pleads for Sober DrivingNow , before we begin the fun , I would like to make a seasonal plea for sanity during the upcoming holiday party season . I know that some of you who are reading this are going to totally ignore the advice that I am about to give , but that 's okay , because there are always going to be idiots that cannot do the right thing , no matter what the situation . Therefore , this little slug of advice that I am going to impart is for the rest of you out there , who can change , if given reason enough to do so . So here it is : DON ' T DRINK AND DRIVE ! Because Fast Lane Magazine is distributed at quite a few bars , clubs and lounges throughout the Valley , the chances are , those of you who are reading this right now probably received your copy from a drinking establishment . I am hoping that if you are reading this while you are in a bar , club or lounge , and you are consuming a tasty adult beverage , you will do the right thing , the smart thing , and take a taxi home . You have no excuse not to , as so many of the cab companies in the Valley offer some form of a " free ride back " program , where you pay for a cab ride home , and the cab company gives you a free ride back to your car in the morning . What could be easier ? If a personal plea from me , your Cab Guy , isn 't enough to keep you from getting behind the wheel after having one or more adult beverages , and if the offer of a " free ride back " isn 't enough to keep you off the road when you aren 't 100 % sober , then you must be one of those people who thinks that he or she is okay to drive because you haven 't had that much to drink . I guess the thinking goes something like this : " I haven 't had that much to drink , so I won 't be over the ' legal limit ' of 0 . 08 percent blood alcohol content , therefore I cannot be convicted of Driving While Intoxicated , so I must be okay to drive ! Read More . . . Hello my friends , thanks for calling on me , business has been a little slow lately , and I could use a few more ' personal ' trips like this . At the time I write this , the Thanksgiving pig - out is still several days away . I 'm going to go out on a limb here and predict I will probably consume about three times as many calories in a single sitting as I usually do in an entire day . And since I am a pretty big guy , that is , quite frankly , a scary thought . I hope all of you reading this have a pleasant Thanksgiving season , and are truly grateful for all that you have received in your life . I know that I am , although I don 't always remember to consider it so . Now , although I am not a character in the little tale to follow , it is , in fact , a true Taxi Tale . As a matter of fact , I happen to think it is one of the best Taxi Tales I have heard in a long time , and I 've heard hundreds of them . The protagonist , whoops , I 'm sorry , I guess I should have said main character or hero , is currently a truck driver , but he used to drive a cab in Seattle . His name is Mike L . , and I met him while playing poker one night out at Gila River 's Wildhorse Pass Casino . Although the poker game was fun , Mike 's telling of his story was the cherry on top . Anyway , sit back , relax , and enjoy Mike 's story , in his own words . I call it … " How Much to Wenatchee ? " As I was saying earlier , I used to drive a cab in Seattle . I did this for about ten years , and really enjoyed it . Probably the story that most sticks out in my mind is the time I got a call in the middle of the night to go to a convenience store that I knew was closed at that time of the night . I didn 't really know what to expect , but I decided to check it out . Anyway , when I got there , I didn 't see anyone right away , but as I pulled around in the parking lot , this guy jumped out of the bushes on the side of the building . He had to be one of the dirtiest , filthiest people I had ever experienced in my career . His clothes were filthy , and he had quiet an impressive bush of hair grRead More . . . Sunday morning when I came out to work , it didn 't appear as if there were very many calls on the dispatch system . Certainly , none of them were anywhere near me . So I went on down to the Greyhound Bus Station to see what I could scare up . I wasn 't disappointed . As soon as I pulled onto the property , I saw that no other taxis were waiting for fares , so I was first up . I pulled the cab right up in front of the door , and sat back to await my first fare of the day . I didn 't have to wait long , nor did I have to go very far to get that person where he was going . Upon my return to the Greyhound I found that I was first up again . Once again I pulled up right in front of the door to wait for a fare . But this time , rather than kicking back in the cab , I got out to stretch my legs . Three cabs pulled in almost immediately , so I knew that I 'd have someone to talk to if the wait was long . But , getting out of the cab , and leaning against the trunk must have been interpreted as an invitation to have a conversation , as a leather - jacketed man made a beeline over to my cab . But I was wrong about him wanting to have a conversation . He wanted to talk alright : about how to get him from where he was , to where he wanted to go . The problem was , while where he was could be described in the physical world , where he wanted to go seemed to be more in the realm of an intellectual concept . The Phoenix Greyhound Bus station , having a particular address and cross streets , could be located on a map . His destination , lacking even an accurate proper name , could not be located , even in his own mind . You see , where he wanted to go was the hotel where he had a reservation and a confirmation number , which he showed me written down a piece of paper . But he couldn 't remember the name of the hotel . " I want to go to the AmeriBest Hotel . Do you know where it is ? " , he asks . " No , but I have a phone book , I can look up the address . " " You don 't need to do that , I have the phone number right here , " and showed me the piece of paper again . I dialed the number , and wasn 't sRead More . . . Have you ever met someone , started a conversation with them , and then come to realise that they clearly did not understand the rules of the " Conversation Game ? " I met a guy like that just yesterday . I didn 't kill or maim him , or damage him in any way . But I really wanted to ! I was driving my cab in Mesa yesterday , just trying to eke out a living . There weren 't many calls in the east part of the Metro area , where Mesa is . I would have moved somewhere else , except that there weren 't very many calls anywhere in the Phoenix area . Around about four pm , I received a call to go pick up a fellow from a bar on Main Street . I don 't really like bar calls at any time , but especially before sundown . Nighttime drinkers are bad enough ; daytime drinkers are worse . They are more likely to be really drunk , less likely to be possessed of good humor , and more likely to be ridiculously ignorant . But , it is part of the job , so I put up with it . A few minutes later I arrived at the bar , which shall remain unnamed , ' cause I don 't need the potential legal hassles . But I will say this : the name of the bar is a synonym for ' a pig 's thighbone . ' Chew on that ham sandwich for a while . Anyway , even before I opened the car door , I could hear the music blaring from the jukebox . I cringed at the thought of what having to actually enter the bar and expose my ears to the noise would do to my hearing . I prayed that my customer was seated near the door . Entering the establishment , I made my way to the actual bar , where the bartender was conversing with a patron . As luck would have it , the patron was my customer . He asked if he could finish his beer . I nodded my assent , said I 'd wait in the cab , and shot on out of there before my brain melted from the din . A few minutes later , my customer , who I 'll refer to as ' Jack ' , exited the bar , and made a beeline towards my car . Getting in , he told me the major cross streets to his destination . I put the car in drive , and away we went . Jack immediately started a dialogue that was liberally spiced with epithets of all tRead More . . . I 've figured out that if I drive a cab long enough , I 'm either going to meet a famous person , or meet someone who has the same name as a famous person . So far , it hasn 't happened to me , but a cab driver friend I know did meet someone who shared the name of a relatively well - known movie character . I thought the outcome was hilarious ! Jeff E . is the name of my cabbie friend . We used to work for the same cab company in the Phoenix area , but I recently moved on to another company . We keep in regular contact by phone , sharing war stories , and comparing our daily results . I 'll let Jeff tell the story his way : One day , about a year ago , I went to a house to pick up a lady who 's name was Sarah Connor . At least that was the name given to me by the dispatch system . As you probably know , " Sarah Connor " is the name the character played by Linda Hamilton in the " Terminator " movies . In the first movie of the series , the Terminator , as played by Arnold Schwarzenegger , tries to kill Sarah ; later on in the series he tries to save her from other terminators who are trying to kill her . At one point Arnold 's character meets Sarah , and says , " If you want to live , come with me ! " I thought I might have a little fun with this situation , if the timing was right . When I arrived at my Sarah Connor 's house , I made sure that my Ray Ban sunglasses , like the ones the Terminator wore , were on straight . I then got out of the car , walked up to the door , and knocked on it . I waited a few seconds , then the door opened to reveal a very disheveled woman . In my very best ' Arnold ' voice , I asked , " Are you Sarah Connor ? " " Yes , " she replied . I then held my hand out to her , just like Arnie did in the movie , and said , " If you want to live , come with me ! " I was only joking , but she totally freaked out ! She screamed , slammed the door , and I never saw her again . For a little while I was worried that I would get in trouble for what I had done . But I never heard of any complaints . I still laugh every time I think about the look on her face ; it was hilarious ! Jeff called mRead More . . . Most of the time , when a person steps out of my cab , they effectively step out of my life . My memory of them usually fades quicker than a bright shirt dropped in a vat of bleach . But I 'm still thinking about Steffan . . . I was at the Greyhound Bus station Thursday night , waiting for a ' go home ' fare . I had been sitting in the ' first - up ' position for about thirty minutes , after waiting ' on - deck ' for an additional thirty minutes . I was beginning to wonder if it was really worth waiting at the station for a fare , or if I should just try to get a call off the dispatch system . To me , it wasn 't a good sign when the third - place cabbie , a Greyhound stand veteran , decided to leave without picking up a fare . What did he know that I didn 't ? I didn 't feel much better when the second place guy also started to leave . I watched him pull up to the parking lot exit , and activate on his turn signal . It was obvious that he was waiting for traffic to clear . Traffic cleared for a few seconds , but he didn 't go . Then his backup lights came on . This could only mean that he had a reason to stay . . . Turning back to the Greyhound entry , I saw people starting to stream out of the door . I young man , who I later found out was named Steffan , walked over to my cab . Steffan was burdened by a HUGE backpack , and was pushing one of those tricycle baby strollers , it being overladen with bags of various types of foodstuffs . He replied in the positive when I asked him if he needed a cab . Opening my truck , I helped him get his backpack and the food bags secured . The stroller wouldn 't fit in the trunk , but luckily , it folded , and we were able to place it on the back seat . I asked Steffan where he wanted to go . He pointed to a map he was holding , indicating the intersection of Main Street and Country Club road in Mesa . Woo Hoo ! I had my go home fare ! As we headed east towards Mesa , Steffan and I began to talk . He had a accent similar to German , but otherwise spoke very clear English . I never did get around to asking him where he was from . He told me he walking Read More . . . Sometimes it seems to me that everyone is trying to " get over " on the cabby . At least once a day some nimrod will get into my cab and ask me for a " flat rate " which is to say , a firm declaration on my part at the beginning of a trip how much I will charge the passenger at the end of the trip . Now , I know some people , based on past experience , having taken the same trip dozens , or maybe even hundreds of times , already know the approximate fare of the trip they 're about to take , and don 't want to have to fumble around with paying me , and then waiting for their change . They already know that the cost will be about , say , $ 12 . 00 , and they would just as soon give it to me up front , and settle back and enjoy the ride . These type of people are being honest and upfront with me , and usually say something like , " I normally pay $ 12 . 00 , with a two dollar tip ; is that good for you ? " In cases like this , I quickly estimate the fare in my head , and if it 's close , I take the money , and off we go . However , for other people , there is a more sinister motive . What they want to do is pay less than the service is worth , usually a lot less . These folks will ask for a flat rate from point A to point B , knowing that if I accept it , they are going to have the opportunity to con me into believing that the service they actually want is the service to which I agreed . It usually goes some thing like this : " Fifteen okay for this trip ? " If I say yes , then all of a sudden they start asking for detours and extra stops along the way , in essence , cheating me out of my proper recompense . I can usually sniff out these morons , because their speech and body language gives them away . I like to have fun with them , and ask a question like , " Hey , do you have to negotiate your paycheck with your boss ? " Of course , I usually get a response like , " What do you mean ? " I say , " Well , what if , when you go to work in the morning , your boss were to say , ' Hey , how about I only pay you half of your hourly wage today ? ' Would you go for something like that ? " " Hell , no ! He ain 't Read More . . . Well , friends , I 've received my first true cab story from a reader . Ron writes of his experience with a ' gypsy cab ' in Bulgaria . I post it here for your enjoyment . Keep in mind that I know the reader , Ron , from another venue , where we play on - line poker for free points and bragging rights . Ron and I became pretty friendly with each other one night when we found ourselves in a wild game with several fish . As I remember , patience paid off for both of us that night , as both of our " chip counts " were substantially up when we left the game . I have posted Ron 's story ' as is , ' except I have substituted " The Cab Guy " for the name by which he knows me . Hey , Cab Guy , Thanks for pulling my chain ; I just read and enjoyed your story about Ross . [ Ed . note : see " Dude , Where 's My Cash ? " ] I 'm still teaching at American University in Blagoevgrad , Bulgaria and still enjoying doing so . Funny thing , this past week was our fall break and my ex - wife ( now girl friend ) came over to visit for 10 days . She flew into Sofia , about a two hour ride from here , 78 leva ( $ 60 ) round trip by taxi AND GAS COSTS ABOUT $ 7 PER GALLON . Anyway , on her return trip we decided to spend the weekend in Sofia , the country 's capital and a city of about 1 . 4 million . Taxis are generally very inexpensive anywhere in this country - not so this time for me . We had taken a cab to an outdoor market for maybe 3 leva ( 2 bucks ) . After walking a great deal MJ , my girl friend / ex - wife , was tired and cold so I hailed a cab to take us back to the hotel . The ride was unforgettable ; I 've watched more sedate driving on TV watching European road rallies . Anyway , when we got to our destination I pulled out three leva ( about 2 bucks - see above ) and he pointed at his meter showing over 7 leva . Fortunately , the hotel bellman was there to intervene and keep me from doing something really dumb . I can afford $ 5 dollars for a taxi ride if I 'm staying in a $ 150 per night hotel but that wasn 't the point . As the doorman explained , after I paid exactly 7 . 3 leva ( no tip this time ) , thRead More . . . I 'm constantly on the Internet , looking at information related to the cab industry . A few weeks ago , I found this debate about the prepayment of fares . I 'm not even sure you 'll find it interesting . Maybe I 'm just getting lazy . Well , give it a go anyway . You might find the information useful . I forget the website from which I got this ' debate . ' I doesn 't really matter , because I changed all the names . " Tom " is the alias of the person running the site , with the responses being from " Tom 's " readers ; mine is the last . [ Post Update : After re - reading this post ( on November 21 , 2007 ) , I realized that I should have indicated that ALL of the names , save for mine , were aliases . Sorry for any confusion . Also , in his comment , Lucky 327 reminded me where I found the original post . It 's at Bytes From the Backseat . Sometimes , this blog is a lot like Russian history : it 's subject to revision ! ] " Prepayment for Taxis " by Tom : I had an interesting if rather annoying conversation with a customer last week . Interesting because of his point of view . Annoying because like a reasonable percentage of my customers he was drunk . Basically he was saying that in his opinion all taxi fares should be pre paid at the commencement of the journey . When I pointed out that drivers had the right to ask for the fare in advance already he told me I was missing the point . The point according to him is it creates a problem between the passenger and driver if the driver asks for the money in advance . All that could be avoided if DPI ( dept of planning and infrastructure , taxi unit ) and all the other relevent body 's implemented blanket pre payment of all taxi fares . Further to that he suggests an ad campaign utilising tv , radio and print media to ensure everyone knows about it , thereby eliminating any trouble in the cab and also eliminating the problem of non - payers or runners . Honestly the idea is solid , I mean even carrying drunks would be less stressful if you knew the money side of things was already taken care of . Taxis are the only form of transport arounRead More . . . Have you every wanted to go to a sit - down restaurant for a delicious meal of a hamburger and fries , and have it served to you in about the same amount of time it takes for a fast - food joint to ' bag one up ' for you ? Then you have to go the to The Heart - Attack Grill . Last Saturday night , my good friend , Johnny Wraith , came in from out of town to visit me . Around about seven - thirty , we decided to go out to get something to eat . We 're simple folk , and so we wanted a simple meal . Johnny also enjoys a fun atmosphere , so he said , " I want to go somewhere we can get a hamburger , and see women [ dressed in a sexy manner ] . " Actually , what Johnny wanted to see was cleavage . No , I 'm lying about that . I was trying to protect Johnny 's reputation , I don 't know why . What he really said was , " I want to eat a burger , and see some boob . " He can be such a caveman , at times . It only took me about ten seconds before I came up with what I thought would be the ideal place to fulfill our needs : The Heart Attack Grill , at the southwest corner of the intersection of Thomas Road and 44th Street , in Phoenix . It has a rather interesting gimmick : all the waitresses dress in nurse 's outfits , and the menu is very simple , being limited to burgers , fries , soft drinks , beer , and cigarettes . It doesn 't take a Rocket Scientist to figure out why it 's called " The Heart Attack Grill . " Although I had never been there , I had driven by the place several times , and had heard rave reviews . It seemed like the perfect place to fill our bellies , and satisfy my curiosity about the place . I described what I knew about the place , subtly hinting that I wasn 't going to offer any other options . Johnny was all for checking out the place , so we we 're off . Arriving at THAG around seven forty - five pm , I was a little concerned to see that there were few cars in the parking lot . At first I feared that the place did not live up to it 's reputation , and that people were staying away . Then I remembered that it wasn 't even eight o ' clock on a Saturday night . ( The joint started to fill up Read More . . . Did you know there is a way to improve your vocabulary and help provide free rice to the hungry people around the world ? I clipped the following story from another Blog , Taxi Tales , written by Bob , a cabbie in Barrow in Furness , Cumbria , UK : Free Rice Improve your vocabulary and donate rice to feed the hungry . Go on try it now , my rating was about 40 , how well can you do ? Click on the free rice link and get clicking now please . FreeRice has two goals : 1 . Provide English vocabulary to everyone for free . 2 . Help end world hunger by providing rice to hungry people for free . This is made possible by the sponsors who advertise on this site . Whether you are CEO of a large corporation or a street child in a poor country , improving your vocabulary can improve your life . It is a great investment in yourself . Perhaps even greater is the investment your donated rice makes in hungry human beings , enabling them to function and be productive . Somewhere in the world , a person is eating rice that you helped provide . Thank you . I couldn 't have said it better myself , Bob . Folks , I 've been to the Free Rice site a couple of times . It took me about 5100 grains of rice , but I finally achieved a rating of 50 . Please take a few minutes each time you 're on the ' Net , and go to " Free Rice . " I 've provided a link on my sidebar , in the section called " The Cab Guy 's Web Favorites . It 's a fun way to improve your vocabulary , and feed the hungry . Sincerely , The Cab Guy In my last post , " Date a Hot Phoenix Stripper , " I asked the question : " How many of you guys out there would like to date a HOT PHOENIX STRIPPER ? " This is because my friend Danielle , who is a hot stripper , is having trouble meeting a decent guy . I told her that I would find her a decent guy . Well , so far , no one has stepped up to the plate the help Danielle out . This is not a joke ! Danielle is a very nice girl , but because of what she does for a living , she has a very difficult time of meeting and dating decent guys . You 're probably wondering , " Well , Cab Guy , is Danielle is so nice and hot , why don 't you date her ? " This is a valid question . Let me tell you , if I were about twenty - five years younger , I 'd be ' all over it . ' I guess you could say that I 'm kind of an ' age bigot . ' My preferred age range for the women to date is about thirty - five to fifty . Sadly , Danielle is much younger . Sigh ! So what do you say , guys ? Do you want to date a hot stripper ? Well , here 's the rules : Send me an email describing your proposed date with Danielle . I 'll show her the all the emails that I get , and she 'll pick her favorites . My recommendation : be creative and romantic ! Send your email to me at Supercabbie @ gmail . com , with the subject header , " I Want to Date Danielle . " I promised Danielle that I 'd find her a decent guy . Don 't let me down , fellas . Sincerely , The Cab Guy I am just wondering : how many of you guys out there would like to date a HOT PHOENIX STRIPPER ? This isn 't the setup to one of my ridiculous Cab Guy jokes : it 's a legitimate question ! As your Cab Guy , having driven the mean streets of Phoenix for ten years , I have had the opportunity to meet literally hundreds of HOT PHOENIX STRIPPERS ! I have become friends with many of them . Do you want to know what most of them have in common ? Believe it or not , they have trouble meeting decent men ! That 's right , I can hardly believe it myself ! They 're always asking me , " What do I have to do to meet a decent guy ? " Just tonight , my friend , Danielle , asked me this same question . You know what I told her ? " Danielle , I 'll find you a decent guy ! " I 've agreed with Danielle to set her up on a date with a decent guy . Do you want to be that guy ? Help me out . If you 're out there , and would like to get to know a girl , not for what she does for a living , but who she is inside , here 's want you need to do . . . Send me an email describing your proposed date with Danielle . I 'll show her the all the emails that I get , and she 'll pick her favorites . My recommendation : be creative and romantic ! Send your email to me at Supercabbie @ gmail . com , with the subject header , " I Want to Date Danielle . " Sincerely , The Cab Guy Today is the 232nd anniversary of the founding of the United States Marine Corps . I just wanted to let you all know this , if you didn 't , and relate an amusing anecdote that shows how dedicated my Dad , a former Marine , was to his Beloved Corps . The San Diego Marine Band plays John Phillip Sousa 's Semper Fidelis . My family moved to Phoenix after my dad retired as a Captain from the United States Marine Corps in 1971 . At that time , my parents bought the first house they ever owned , or , for that matter , lived in for more than two years . When the phone technician came to install our service , he asked my father if he would like to have a phone number with the last four digits holding special significance . He chose 1775 , which was available . Supposedly the tech said , " Don 't you mean 1776 , the year the USA became a country ? " " No , " my Dad said , " I mean 1775 , the year the United States Marine Corps was born ! " In 1979 , I was to have entered the USMC through the PLC ( Platoon Leader 's Class ) program . Sadly , I was disqualified by a back injury that occured just days before I was to have formally started the program . I remain , to this day , disappointed that I could not serve . My dad died in 1989 , but his beloved Corps lives on . Semper Fi , Dad ! Semper Fi , Marines ! To " The Few , The Proud , The Marines , " Happy Birthday ! Sincerely , The Cab Guy In the cab world , generally , when you work the really , really late hours , your customer base is radically different from the daytime sort . They tend to be wackier . That 's why I prefer to work when the sun is in the sky . It helps preserve my sanity . Last Monday evening I stayed out late to have a little fun at the Lone Butte Casino , south of Chandler on the Gila River Indian Reservation . After being there about an hour and a half , and losing some of my hard earned scratch at the blackjack tables , I figured that it just wasn 't my night , and decided to go home . I cashed in my remaining chips , said goodbye to some of the dealers I knew , and headed for the parking lot . I had come to the casino directly after work , and so I had my cab with me . I usually have my cab with me when I 'm not working , for two reasons . Firstly , I 'd rather run up the miles on the company 's car , rather than my own ; and secondly , I can go to work at a moment 's notice . I don 't mean to imply that I 'm tied to the job , far from it . But if a personal customer should call , and wanted to put fifty dollars in my pocket for an hour of my time , then I wanted to be able to jump on it . Anyway , I got into my cab , started it up , and began the thirty - minute drive back to my house . Just for laughs , I turned on the computerized dispatch system , just in case there were any calls close by . As luck would have it , there was a call in between the casino and my house , about five miles away . I went ahead and bid on it , and received it . " Cool , " I thought , " I 'll be able to recoup a little of my losses , then go home . " It took me only about eight minutes to drive to the customer 's house , but in that time he called the dispatcher two times to check on my ETA . Not a good sign . At least I knew he still wanted a cab . But he was very impatient . Impatient people can be a handful of work , to say the least . I really didn 't want to deal with any kind of crap from this guy . I hadn 't even met him , and I already didn 't like him . Arriving at the pickup address , " Peter " was standing outside , pRead More . . . Do you have a real taxicab story , either as a passenger or driver ? Let me post it and make famous ! Check out " Post Your Own Stories " by clicking HERE . |
" It 's going to be a spectacular Easter , " her daddy declared several weeks in advance . Then he casually delivered Easter 's death - blow : " Your aunt and uncle from up Cincinnati way are coming to spend spring break and Easter weekend . You 'll get to meet your only cousin , Ethan ! " He held up his palm for a victory slap , but June ignored it . Distance had been her only cousin Ethan 's single attractive quality . Four months her senior , throughout the eight years of their nearly consecutive lives he had naturally reached many important milestones before June could . He had talked , walked , and sprouted a tooth first , then he had taken up piano lessons and soccer . June was sick of hearing about his achievements . Now he was coming here , to her part of the world , and at the season that she most loved . She knew his coming would add nothing and could only diminish the pleasure she took in egg - dyeing , egg - hunting , and having her picture taken in a new dress in front of the lilacs . Sharing these things would turn all her joy sour . " You 'll love Easter even more with a little company , " Daddy said . " You and Ethan can dye eggs , and have a real egg hunt . Won 't it be nice , having someone to find eggs with ? A one - girl egg hunt is a mighty lonesome thing . In fact , it 's pitiful . " ' You 'll wait for your cousin Ethan , " Mama said flatly . " Now finish your supper . " Where Daddy would cajole , employ sweet - talk , and tease , Mama forged iron rules and regulations that came down hard and left a mark . After supper June climbed up the tier of logs inside the old tobacco barn at the edge of the woods . The barn had not been used in decades except to shelter the lawnmower and garden tools , but it still smelled faintly of sweet golden leaves . At the top of the tall , narrow barn was a tiny window , a fine observation post . Daddy had fastened a sturdy board across two of the upper logs to give June a platform . He knew she loved to look out that window , so it made sense to give her a more secure perch and save her from leaning over to the window from one of the side tiers . Even with this improvement June 's mother was lobbying furiously to have the barn torn down before someone got hurt . To the east , Weddlesville Road curved into green woodlands and disappeared . Presumably , the road led to Weddlesville . June had never gone in that direction in her entire life . Church , school , commerce - everything of value was located somewhere on or near State Road 79 . State Road 79 also brought Ethan and his parents . June sized him up in a day and a half . He may have been four months older , but he was no taller than June and not one bit bossy or arrogant despite his four months ' advantage . He did not offer to play a tune on the piano , and June got her own way during the egg - dyeing and decorating project . She kept her management low - key so as not to arouse adult displeasure , but Ethan proved agreeably compliant . He had strong lungs and turned red with blowing out the raw eggs - always a difficult task . Besides this , he revealed himself to have excellent taste . Flattered , June said he could have it . Her mother found him a wide - mouthed Ball jar with a two - piece lid . Ethan padded the bottom of the jar with a little grass from an Easter basket and nestled the egg inside . Ethan 's voice was husky and low . June imagined that he sounded like the state of Ohio . He seemed exotic , somehow , though he dressed the same as anybody . There was something about the light in his clear gray eyes , the life in his dark bristly hair , that reminded her of Weddlesville Road - a mystery , unknown and unknowable . She found her animosity toward him unsustainable . After their egg - dyeing and a riotous three days of hiding , finding , and sometimes crushing eggs , she had shown him her platform at the top of the tobacco barn . They were there now , having finished Easter dinner and changed into their regular clothes . " Where do you reckon that road really goes ? " Ethan asked . He was crammed uncomfortably into the window with June , but she couldn 't push him out of the way without risking both their lives , since their platform was thin and a slip would take one or both down a good 25 feet into the dirt below . Not that the fall would kill them , but it would surely hurt and Mama would pitch a fit and no doubt have the barn sealed shut . " Goes to Weddlesville , I guess . That 's why it 's called Weddlesville Road . Stop moving , Ethan . This window is too small for you to be twisting around like that . " " Wonder what it 's like . " He turned toward her , and she noticed again that his gray eyes had a strange light in the back , as if stars in a distant galaxy shone there . " Let 's go find it , " he said . The minute they turned the corner and were out of sight of the house , the air felt cooler and foreign . The abundant greenness of the woods pressed at them from both sides ; tendrils crept toward the asphalt and climbed the road sign posts . June chose to walk down the center line of the road . " We ought to build a summer camp out here , " Ethan said . " Have you ever been to camp ? I 'd like to run my own place . We 'd have nothing but fishing and boats , swimming and horses . You could run the arts and crafts part . We might have to dig a pond . " He spotted something in a thick tangle of deadwood and weeds near the ditch , and down he went to see about it . " Probably it just blew here from somewhere else , " June said . " From Weddlesville , I guess . Maybe there 's tons of kids down there that I could be playing with . Maybe I 'll go to the next birthday party they have , if I ever meet them . " Ethan extracted the balloon from the ditch , a procedure that ate up a bit of time and required careful untangling of the long blue ribbon that was snarled among the deadwood . Finally the balloon popped up into the air , only slightly low on helium , and Ethan 's eyes glowed with triumph . The balloon bobbed and dipped on the ribbon , and then a light gust of air seemed to raise it up , and up it stayed . " You don 't have many neighbors , do you ? " he said . " I guess it 's not much fun during the summer , being all alone most days . But I 'll come back when school 's out , and we 'll get started on our camp . Don 't worry . Having a cousin is better than having a next - door neighbor , because we 'll always be kin . " Ethan began to generate explanations . " Maybe Weddlesville doesn 't really exist , " he said . " Maybe it got swallowed up in a sinkhole , like in Florida , or a tar pit . Maybe it got vacuumed up by a UFO . Maybe all this kudzu and mess covered it up and strangled the life out of all the people . I bet - " June and Ethan lifted their heads like bird dogs . They realized that they stood at the corner of a yard . The front lawn was nearly indiscernible for a riot of growth at the corner - periwinkle and creeping phlox ; loose - limbed forsythia ; thick , wild azaleas ; ungroomed beds of past - blooming daffodils and hyacinths - all of it mixed in with an encroaching green - woods growth that blurred the edges and threatened the stability of a small section of driftwood - gray fence . June peeked through a gap in the waving arms of forsythia and discerned the corner of a small white house . She detected movement , heard a creak , and realized that a man must be sitting on a porch swing . She looked at Ethan , who stared back at her . They were entirely concealed by the shrubbery and overgrowth - how could he have known they were there ? " Hey ! " Ethan said , uncertainly . He hiked up his hand and waved , causing his captive balloon to dip its broad , silvery head in a clumsy bow . He had mistaken the balloon for a passer - by . June sat on the ground and chewed her sleeve to keep from hooting . Ethan grinned but remained composed . June admired him and wondered if there might be a decided advantage to an extra four months of maturity . " Yes , sir , " Ethan said , in his most gravelly Ohio voice . " I 'm working for the circus . We 're … I 'm trying to find Weddlesville . Am I about to Weddlesville ? " The porch swing stopped creaking . " Mister , you 're up to your assbone in Weddlesville ! The town limits run right through there . Now , the center of town is about two miles further up , but you won 't find no circus there , nor nobody to buy a ticket . " The sound of a car coming up the road made Ethan and June look back . It was Daddy , with Uncle Scotty . The car slowed as it approached . " Thank you , " Ethan said , in a hurry . " Best be getting on , " and to June 's wonder and eternal delight he pulled the ribbon from his pocket and loosed the balloon . It drifted up slowly and bobbed drunkenly below the redbud tree . They heard the man on the porch swing exclaim , " Gah ! " before the swing creaked crazily as he thumped into the house . Daddy tried to look stony . " What in the world are the two of you doing ? And why , when you 've been caught in a flagrant act of truancy , are you grinning like possums ? " " Weddlesville , is it ? " and Daddy kept straight , finished the two miles , and they saw that Weddlesville was mainly an abandoned country store and a broken - down , decrepit grist mill near a pond of thick oily water . Across the road from these features was a tangle of wild woods . A slice had been carved into the trees , a section of shoulder mowed , and within this alcove a large sign read : " Rustic Meadows . Home lots from $ 30 , 000 . " " Oh , me , I should say it 's rustic , " Daddy remarked . " Nothing but rust and ticks for miles . " He looked at the children in the rearview mirror . " What have you all been doing ? Taking laughing gas ? You sure do have the sillies today . Too much Easter candy , I expect . " Monday morning , Ethan and his family were to begin their drive back to Cincinnati . Ethan had a jar with June 's egg in it in the backseat with him , and another jar that June hadn 't seen before . " What you got in that one ? " she asked , and he held it up for her to see an old Atlas mason jar with a heavy screw - on lid . Inside was a copy of the photo that Mama had taken of the two of them in their Easter clothes in front of the lilacs . June felt something strange inside her lungs , like she needed more air . " Bye ! " June yelled back . " We sure did ! " She saw Ethan 's mama turned around in the front seat , trying to get him back inside and buckled up . Then all she saw was the back of his dark , bristly head and the gleam of a jar in his right hand . " Bye , " she said , again . She stood alone at the tobacco barn window , and when she could no longer see the car she looked to the left , toward Weddlesville . She stood there dreaming , wishing that she had a jar that she could keep Ethan in . Maybe she would get a copy of that picture , too . But she wouldn 't put it straight into a jar , as Ethan had . No , she would cut out their figures , letting the lilacs fall . She would get a square of fresh white paper and draw her own background of greenery and flowers , a section of driftwood fence , and put in a silver balloon rising up toward a redbud . Then she would paste the June and Ethan figures in that new setting , place the picture in a jar , and preserve their trip to Weddlesville forever . June looked toward State Road 79 . It was empty now . Her tobacco barn window seemed mighty big . June rattled in it like a loose tooth , grieved and aching , and certain to end up lost . 7 Comments » Photo : While unable to write anything , I did manage to create a nest from yarn ( drape glue - soaked yarn over inflated balloon ; pop balloon when dry ) and decorate a few Easter eggs . I did the two - toed thumbprint biddy , my sister did the caterpillar . This counts as an appropriate illustration because Fabergé made both eggs and icons . So ha . We can compare an icon to a carefully constructed poem . Indeed this is why we call it icon " writing " instead of " painting . " Every " word " or element fits very concisely and precisely to contribute to the overall meaning and integrity of the whole . - Marek Czarnecki One of the tricks of icons : paint it 50 times . Also : do not be realistic . Also : use gold that will shine out of shadows , and eyes that will follow you . Icons aren 't really windows . Because they aren 't representational , they are actually the presence of Heaven . It 's Catholic ( Western Rome ) tradition that features windows that open , beyond which is Heaven . In the Orthodox tradition , saints are sanctified by the belief of believers only , with no canonization process needed other than the devotion of repetitive layers of paint , which is a lot of devotion to be sure ! Like making a pie . - Harold Rhenisch I wanted so much to write an icon . It would be nice to find all of the right words , arrange them concisely and precisely , and wind up with a story that is haunting in its intensity and as tasty as pie . But I can 't seem to do that . I 've been sitting here at the computer for days and days , completely unable to write anything in spite of having been so inspired by my new pie basket with its mandala lid . I blame the whole idea of icons , which are beautiful but scary . Trying to make my ordinary writing fit into my mental image of what an icon should be brought me to a complete standstill . Then today I stumbled across an old piece I wrote about writing , in which I preached blithely that one must treat writing as an adventure , to be approached with joy ! In fact , here 's exactly what I said , if you think you can stand it : Writing a book is an adventure . To begin with , it is a toy and an amusement ; then it becomes a mistress , and then it becomes a master , and then a tyrant . The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude , you kill the monster , and fling him out to the public . - Winston Churchill A writing project is an adventure , and one of the first and most important tricks to success is to approach it as one . Gear yourself up for it by anticipating how well it is going to go and how much fun it will be . Imagine launching a kayak into a river or floating in an inner tube down a mountain stream . The words , like the water , will flow easily and take you exactly where you want to go . Don 't forget to wear a helmet . The second trick is to maintain perspective . Remind yourself that you are good at what you do . You are intelligent , and capable , and interesting . Once you leap into your writing project , all of those characteristics - and thousands more that are unique to you - will be at your disposal to get you moving . The third trick is to focus your attention . Your project will not be as successful if you are not giving it your full attention . This does not mean straining and forcing your mind to labor over the task ; it means thinking about your topic and your purpose and then applying the first two tricks by reminding yourself : This is an adventure I am well - equipped to enjoy . If after gearing up mentally you find that you still face a blank screen or page with an equally blank mind , try this : Recall a time when you were feeling particularly creative . It can be from as far back as kindergarten , when you were happily stringing colorful beads on a piece of yarn . Writing is simply a more complex type of bead - stringing , after all . Banish your fears and concerns about it , and try to regain that spirit of calm absorption you feel while doing something relaxing and enjoyable . Isn 't it wonderful that you can bring back that peaceful feeling right now ? And isn 't it much nicer to look at the blank page while feeling that way than it was to slump down and bang your forehead on the desk ? Do you ever read the reviews of Internet recipes ? There is always at least one that says , " Really enjoyed this recipe , which I followed to the letter except that I didn 't have ground beef so I used ham , and then I added a can of black beans to the sauce and substituted crushed pretzels for the sour cream because my family is lactose intolerant . " That 's basically how I treated the Rules for an Icon Painter , so I guess I shouldn 't be surprised that I never did end up with a digestible pie . After church I picked up the ham , deviled eggs , cheesecake , and six orchid corsages and drove to Susan 's house in Fernandina Beach . Susan and I got everything ready and Day , Joan , Teresa , and Teresa 's friend Katherine came over for a late lunch . We pulled the long poplar table in the kitchen out from the three raised windows and gathered around it . A nice breeze blew through while we ate ; Joan said it was like eating on a porch . Bougainvillea bloomed right outside the window , flowers bloomed on the table , a lady cardinal with a vivid orange beak hopped on the railing , and in the middle of the meal when we were all talking and laughing Susan 's cat , Kiffin , suddenly jumped on the table , creating quite a stir . Then , in the conversational equivalent of a cat jumping on the table , Susan said , " Joan , tell everyone how you injured yourself watching TV and had to be life - flighted to Jacksonville . " Joan said that on Friday evening she stood up and found that she 'd lost the use of her left foot . She called her doctor , who sent her to the emergency room . Fernandina Beach hospital life - flighted her to Baptist Hospital in Jacksonville for stroke evaluation , but it turned out it was a pinched nerve from sitting with one leg folded under her to watch TV . A food - related illness : post - Easter 2008 Saturday morning : Coffee , of course . At about 10 : 00 ate a ham and cheese sandwich . Ham left over from Easter ; perhaps it 's beginning to Go Bad ? ? Saturday afternoon : Ernesto wanted shepherd 's pie so I browned the ground beef with onion , garlic , and broth to get the process started . Ate nothing at that point . Made naan , the Indian flat bread that we love . Ate one piece while warm and delicious . Saturday evening : Went to Applebee 's . Ate spinach and artichoke dip with tortilla chips , two mini - chicken sandwiches , two mini - steak quesadillas , a mini chocolate sundae . Maybe I ate too mini ? Sunday morning : Pancakes , bacon , butter , maple syrup . Absolutely new package of bacon , absolutely new bottle of syrup . Pancakes were frozen . Butter is never bad . Right ? Sunday afternoon : Hot dog with mustard and ketchup , jalapeno and cheese potato chips . Hot dogs have been around for maybe 2 weeks , but I hear that they stay good forever . Later Sunday afternoon : Started cooking for the week ahead . Marinated chicken in yogurt and spices , then grilled it to make chicken tikka masala . Ate one chunk of chicken . It was delicious . Made mashed potatoes to go on top of shepherd 's pie already in progress , assembled pie and placed it in oven . Through all of this , licked up quite a lot of mashed potatoes . Decided we 'd have shepherd 's pie for supper , so put chicken in fridge to finish on Monday . Ate a delicious Russell Stover bird 's nest , then started making a pasta dish to pack for my lunch in the coming week : Sauteed mushrooms , onion , garlic and spices in a bit of butter . Added milk , flour , and cream to the skillet . Stirred a mighty long time , if you ask me . Finally it began to bubble . Drank a bottle of acai juice because it 's supposed to be good for you . Added one can of diced tomatoes and a package of frozen spinach , previously thawed , to the pasta sauce . Tasted the sauce . Decided to get rid of more Easter ham by shredding some up and throwing it in with the pasta . Ate a bite or two of ham . Dropped a mushroom in the sink - picked it up and ate it . Ate shepherd 's pie with naan for dinner . Ate a slice of leftover Easter coconut cake . Drank a glass of milk . Had an emergency dose of Pepto - Bismol brought to me in bed by Ernesto . Threw up . When I look back at the weekend , it occurs to me that at some point Ernesto and I also split another ham and cheese sandwich , but I can 't tell where in the world it fit in . I was the only one who got sick - which points to the mushrooms as the possible source of the problem . And those mushrooms started off on a bad foot before they even got out of the grocery store . When the cashier rang them up , she said , " You gonna eat mushrooms ! ? " I told her it wasn 't as if I went out and picked them in the woods - they were legitimate , commercial mushrooms . That cut no ice with the cashier . And maybe she was right . Carrot cake and marzipan : Easter 2010 This year , Ernesto requested a carrot cake for Easter . I soon learned that I despise grating carrots . I found a recipe that called for one and one - half cups of grated carrots , which at least sounded more reasonable than the recipes that called for three cups , and I grated two of my fingernails completely off . That is only a slight exaggeration . The fingernail on my right thumb is down to the quick , and the fingernail on my right middle finger is grated a bit , too . It 's possible that there are trace amounts of fingernail in the cake , but by the time I was finished grating I did not care . I bought a nice supply of Easter eggs yesterday to fill in the cracks that a carrot cake cannot possibly fill . Aldi had adorable little coconut and marzipan chocolate eggs . I have eaten one of the coconut batch , and they are very good and the perfect size . What I really crave , though , is my annual Russell Stover chocolate and coconut nest with three mini jelly beans inside . I love those a whole lot . Tornadoes , bird 's - nest candy , and flan cake : Easter 2011 Holli called yesterday to make sure that we had not blown away with the tornado that touched down here Friday evening . We are only 10 minutes from the airport , which got hit pretty hard , but we didn 't have any trouble at all . The storms passed after an hour or so , and the Cardinals were able to finish playing their game downtown . Holli also mentioned that my niece , Anna , had a friend coming over in the afternoon and they were going to make bird 's - nest candy . She said to make the nests you must melt butterscotch chips and dump in a large can of La Choy chow mein noodles , then glop the mixture onto waxed paper to form little nests . She said she had a bag of Hershey 's candy - coated chocolate eggs to stick in her nests . Well , I caught bird 's - nest fever , and added chow mein noodles , butterscotch chips , and little candy eggs to my shopping list . I couldn 't find the Hershey eggs , but I got a small bag of Cadbury eggs and another little pack of Reese 's candy - coated peanut - butter eggs . Today , after about 15 minutes of nest - making , I had butterscotch up to my elbows and 17 charming little nests all done . It 's a messy project , but easy and satisfying . Ernesto requested a flan cake for Easter this year . He said it 's a cake with a layer of flan on top . What would I do without the computer ? I looked up " flan cake , " and voila - several different variations ! Basically you line a bundt pan with caramel , spoon in a yellow cake batter , and then pour the flan custard mixture on top - evaporated milk , condensed milk , and four eggs . After baking in a water bath for an hour , the flan sinks to the bottom and magically becomes the top when you remove the cake from the pan . My cake is cooling on the counter right now , and we are nervously anticipating flipping it over . I 'll let you know how it goes … . I wouldn 't be at all surprised if it went " gloomph " and came out in a big wet mess . We 'll see . This year we had a pecan rum cake ( Holli 's recipe , using coconut rum ) but decided against ham , having had an Unpleasant Experience with our Christmas ham . Ernesto is determined to procure a country ham from somewhere soon , so we will look forward to that . And tomorrow I 'm going to stop at three different stores and buy up all the leftover , half - priced Russell Stover coconut nests that I can find . Read Full Post » |
I know I have been very negligent about posting . I have just been so incredibly busy since the school year started , so I will try to update on everything . Sissy is doing great at day care . She does cry some mornings when I leave her , but I know that she is fine by the time I get to the car . She also loves her speech therapist , Leslie . She has not started saying anything new , but she is doing a few simple signs , which seems to be helping to decrease her frustration level . Zee loves preschool . She is constantly pretending to play school and imitating her teacher . She asks me every day if it is a school day . When I told her today that tomorrow is a school day , she told me " It is tomorrow . " She cracks me up ! ! ! Jay is doing well in junior high . We just got his first progress report in the mail yesterday and he is doing well . His lowest grade is a " C " . School is going pretty well for me . I had a bit of a rocky start with my student teaching . I have had some trouble adjusting to not being in charge of the class . I have not worked as an assistant in about 14 years . When I began my career in the Early Childhood field I was promoted to lead teacher after only working in the field for about a year . I took my first job in a day care center about a month after I graduated from high school , so I have been in a position of authority for the majority of my career . I meet on campus one night a week and that is going pretty well . I have only 6 others in the class with me . They have all taken classes together for several semesters . I am returning after 5 years . The instructor calls upon me to share my experiences as a director quite frequently . She has also recommended to another student that she ask me to come to her home day care and help rearrange things . This student told me that the instructor said that she is very happy that I am in the class , that I am a great resource . I had better get back to my homework . Hopefully I will find time to post more frequently . Tuesday , August 28th was a day of Firsts in our house . It was Zee 's first day of preschool . She had fun on the 27th while the two of us were in her classroom for orientation . On the 28th I got my hug & kiss in the hall and sent her into her classroom . She did such a good job ! ! ! She loves school . It was also Sissy 's first day of day care . I dropped her off after I left Zee at preschool . She did not cry when I left her . When I got back to pick her up , I got a glowing report of how well she did . I am so happy that she is liking day care . Tuesday was my first day of my internship . I did not spend the entire 3 hours in the classroom . The classroom teacher thought it would be best for me not to start on their first day of class . Tuesday , August 28 , 2007 is a day that needs to be put in the record books . I dropped both of my babies off at their new schools and I did not shed one tear . If they had cried , I am sure that I would 've joined in . I received the call today . Zee is going to preschool ! ! ! She is sooooo excited . I was in such shock that she got in that I forgot to find out if she would be in the morning or afternoon class . Her teacher is coming in the morning for a home visit . I guess I 'll find out then when she gets to go . This might throw a wrench into my plans though . I am supposed to be doing my internship / student teaching at the school in one of the preschool classrooms . I have not heard back yet from the principal , but he did see Jay at school today and told Jay the following . " Tell your mom I have not forgotten about her . " I was planning to either call or go in tomorrow to find out what was going on with my placement in a classroom . If this is going to be a problem I guess I can have my instructor help me get placed in another program . I 'll do whatever is necessary . I am just so glad that this is working out for Zee . B had his knee surgery on Thursday . He was supposed to be at the hospital at 11am and have his surgery at 1 : 30 . I got him settled and then went home for awhile . L & Sissy were with me . I had to get L back so that her mom could pick her up at about 12 : 30 and I needed to feed Sissy some lunch before going back to the hospital . Figuring that B would be done is surgery sometime between 2 & 2 : 30 I got back to the hospital at about 2pm . I checked in with the volunteer and she told me that B had been taken to recovery at 1 : 30 . At about 2 : 30 they called & said that B was heading back upstairs to his room in the day surgery dept . Since the doctor was ahead of schedule and I was not there when he came out of surgery at 1 : 30 we do not know anything about what he found or exactly what he did . On the discharge paperwork there was not any info on when B could go back to work . The nurse assumes that he will get released after his follow up appt . on the 30th , which pissed me off . When we went for B 's initial appt . the Dr said that if he had surgery on a Wed . or Thurs . he would be fine to go back to work on Monday . He kept saying 2 - 3 days off would be all that would be necessary . So why now is it 2 weeks + ? ? ? ? B called the office on Fri . morning before 9 and the nurse informed him that the Dr would be in surgery all day . She finally called back at about 5pm to say that the Dr indeed wants him off until after he is seen on the 30th . This sent me into a major tailspin . I was PISSED ! ! ! ! I said , not so quietly while the nurse was on the phone , " What the hell happened to 2 - 3 days ? ? Is the doctor going to pay our Fucking bills ? ? If I had known that it would be 2 weeks + we would have waited . " This did not make B very happy . He got pretty mad at me . You have to understand that I was already stressing about paying the bills this month and now we may have 2 weeks that we will have to survive on my minimal income only . B does not have any vacation pay left . His employer doesn 't give any sick pay either . I wish I had gotten short term disabilPosted by Our meeting yesterday was very productive . Sissy will begin receiving speech services in a couple of weeks with the ST who came and did her evaluation . I am happy that she decided to pick Sissy up as a client . The ST needs to receive her authorization from the state before she begin providing services . Each therapist had a report that outlined what area they evaluated and the scores that Sissy received in each area . The DT used the Battelle Developmental Inventory . Sissy 's scores are as follows : Adaptive ( self care ) 20 months Personal - Social 19 monthsAdult interaction 16 mosSocial Role 23 mosCommunicationReceptive Lang . 23 mosExpressive Lang . 14 mos 26 % delayMotorGross 24 mosFine 28 mosCognitive 22 monthsAttention / memory 21 mosPerception / concepts 23 mosThe categories that are underlined are the major categories with their subcategories listed below . Some areas gave the average for the development for that category ( like cognitive ) . As you can see from the above information , Sissy is above average in all areas except Adult interaction ( She still has major stranger anxiety . ) and her expressive speech . A 26 % delay is still a significant delay according to the DT . The ST used 3 different tools to measure Sissy 's speech . One listed her at the developmental age of a 13 1 / 2 month old . which would be about a 23 % delay . Another tools that was used was based completely on questions that I had to answer regarding her development . This found that Sissy was above age level for receptive language and at about a 9 month old level for expressive which means a 50 % delay . The last test used was the Rosetti . Subtest / Score / Age Performance ( mos ) / % delayInteraction / 18 / 15 - 18 mos / 0 % Pragmatics / 12 / 12 - 15 mos / 33 % Play / 18 / 15 - 18 mos / 0 % Gestures / 18 / 15 - 18 mos / 0 % Lang Comprehension / 12 / 9 - 12 mos / 33 % Lang Expression / 9 / 6 - 9 mos / 50 % The ST said that at 18 - 24 months of age Sissy should be beginning to use some 2 - 3 word sentences , imitate environmental noises ( car , animals , etc . ) , have a vocabulary of 20 + words , refer to self by uPosted by I received a call from Sissy 's SC today about the evaluations that she had done last week . The developmental therapist ( DT ) scored her at a 26 % delay and the speech therapist ( ST ) scored her at over a 30 % delay . With at least one of them scoring her at or above a 30 % delay Sissy qualifies for services . We have our IFSP meeting tomorrow afternoon . The SC told me that at this meeting we can decide if we want Sissy to receive services ( Of course we do . Why else would I have started the process ? ) . We will also set up the plan for what we want to happen with these services , etc . The SC also asked me today what I thought of the therapists . She wanted to know so that if I was not comfortable with someone and they offered to provided services she could help with handling that situation . I loved the ST and would like it if she were to offer to provide services . I like the DT well enough , but I was more comfortable with the ST . I will update again tomorrow night or sometime this weekend with what was decided and possibly with more details of the results of the evaluations . I don 't know about you , but I am positively melting ! ! ! It is so damn hot here that I can 't stand to be out of the house . I live in the St . Louis metro area and we are in the midst of a major heat wave . We have had temps in the high 90 's & low 100 's for the last few weeks and there is no relief in sight . We have had heat indexes above 105 most days . Some of you might be thinking that the 90 's are not that hot . Our summers are full of heat and major HUMIDITY . We are in desperate need of several days of rain . Last summer we were wanting the storms to stop and this year we are wishing they would come . Last summer we had several severe thunderstorms that hit our area that knocked power out to TONS of people . In one storm we lost ours for over 5 days . This summer makes me remember a T - shirt that my brother had when we were kids . It had an illustration of the St . Louis Gateway Arch melting . There was a saying like " I survived the summer of 1983 ( I think that was the year . ) in St . Louis . " I 'm beginning to think that they need to produce them again changing the year to 2007 . I had originally thought that we were going to have a flood this year . In the spring it looked as if the area rivers were going to continue to rise and spill their banks . In our area we can expect the worst to occur each summer . It is either tons of damaging thunderstorms , floods , or major heat & drought . There are times that I wonder why I stay in the area . But then I remember that this is where my family is and I wouldn 't want to be too far from them . I know , I 'm a posting fool tonight . I just have not had much of an opportunity to get on the computer in the last few days and alot has happened . B did not have is surgery on Wed . They realized late Mon . that the facility where it was scheduled is out of network for our insurance . So he went for his pre - op appt . and was not able to get his lab work done . They rescheduled his procedure for Thurs . I have gotten the OK to take my internship class . I just need to go to the campus and finish up my financial aid stuff . They said they mailed me a letter stating that they needed some further information , but I never received it . As long as I can get it all taken care of I this week I can start classes the following week . I know I 'm doing everything last minute . I still have to find a preschool or day care where I can get my hours . I was told that the one that I wanted to use would not work if my girls we in attendance . It is too open and the college will not allow you to work with a group that your own child is in . I put in a call to the principal at the elem . school to see if I could get my hours in one of their preschool classrooms . He was gone for the day , but hopefully I will hear back from him early Monday . We got Jay signed up for junior high . He is not ready to go back to school though . On one hand he seems exited about certain aspects of JH , but on the other he appears to be apprehensive . The JH & Elem . schools are connected and all of the kids eat breakfast & lunch in the JH cafeteria , so he is familiar with the school . It is just that he will no longer be in the same classroom with the same teacher the majority of the day . I think this kind of scares him . In some respects he does not deal well with change . Pleas keep your fingers crossed that he makes a smooth transition into JH . We had Sissy 's developmental & speech evaluations on Friday . She was slow to warm up to the two therapists that were here . They were both very friendly . I really liked the speech therapist and hope that if Sissy qualifies for services that she will pick her up as a client . The ST has a daughter who has the same auditory processing disorder that Jay has . She is also getting ready to start junior high . The ST recommended a psychiatrist that really stays on top of the kids meds and tries to tweak them so that the child is getting the most benefit from the meds to help them succeed in school . I am thinking that maybe it is time to go down that road again with Jay . We took him off of his ADHD meds about a year ago and there did not seem to be much difference in him . So we thought why medicate if there 's no benefit . Anyway back to Sissy . Both therapists commented on how smart Sissy is . She is not delayed in any other area other than her speech . I think that she will qualify with a 30 % or great delay . The ST told me that she would bring me some information that might help us with Jay the next time she sees me . Well , she won 't be back unless Sissy qualifies . Sissy decided to start babbling up a storm today . It is the most verbal I have ever heard her be . She even told daddy " Some " multiple times today . She was wanting daddy to share his sunflower seeds . I guess she 'll talk when she 's ready . Yes , I said ROUND FOUR . And I am PISSED ! ! ! ! ! ! L came over late on Wed . Her mom let her sleep in and had L 's older sister bring her over at about 11 : 15 . She has been nit free since coming back after last week 's nit - fest so I didn 't worry about checking her right away . I checked her at about 2 : 45 and you guessed it , I found nits AGAIN ! ! ! This is getting to be truly ridiculous ! ! I am about to the point of telling her parents that I can no longer take care of her . It is not that I don 't like L or her parents . It 's just the fact that I am having to spend so much time , energy and money on trying to prevent my family from getting lice that it just does not seem worth it anymore . Here is what I have to do each time she comes over with nits . Wash all blankets , towels , etc . that L may have come in contact with . Remove all stuffed animals and baby dolls that have hair . Put them in trash bags and store them for at least 2 weeks . Buy spray for the couch , chairs , van and car seats . Remove and wash Sissy 's bedding . ( She is now sleeping in the playroom . ) I clean Sissy 's bed , in the playroom , kitchen , dining room & bathroom with a bleach solution . Vacuum , vacuum and vacuum some more . Check my entire family for signs of Lice . Wash everyone 's hair with coconut shampoo . Throw away any hair ties that were lying around . Soak all combs & brushed that may have been removed from the bathroom cabinet in alcohol or a bleach solution . I have yet to bring any of the girls ' toys out that I bagged up the first time L came over with lice over a month ago . My girls who are used to having lots of babies and animals to choose from now have 2 naked baby dolls that they can play with . I bagged up all of the baby clothes too . Nits do not need to eat and it takes about 14 days for them to hatch , so any that are laid on any kind of fabric , synthetic hair , etc . can still cause an infestation to occur later . Once the nymphs ( name for an immature louse ) have hatched they will die if they do not feed within 48 hours . I have decided that I will not open any of the baggAmy We are now on round three of the head lice situation . I checked L 's hair this morning to see if she was still nit free . Guess what . She had a brand new batch of nits in her hair . I picked at least 6 out and then stopped . I called her mom to have someone come & pick L up . I feel bad that I keep having to send her home , but as I 've said before I do not want anyone at my house to get lice . So far , I have done a good enough job preventing that . How long will that last if L keeps coming over with lice ? This whole situation is getting so F * * * ING frustrating ! ! ! The girls have very few toys to play with . I had to put all of their stuffed animals and most of their dolls in plastic bags and store them for 2 weeks . Well the 2 weeks has now become 3 weeks plus . I have bought Sissy 2 new dolls through out this ordeal that I have also had to put away . In addition to the effects on the kids , I have been loosing alot of money . I loose money not only from not having L here but also the money that I have to spend to treat my house each time that L comes up with nits / lice . I have done so much laundry in the last 3 weeks that I 'm surprised the washer has not given out due to pure exhaustion . I am about to the point that I want to just stop babysitting her . I am looking into a few part time job opportunities . I went to work this evening and discovered that someone has been screwing with me . I do occasional work for a real estate office in the evenings and on weekends . I am in charge of putting together their listing packets . In this packet there are many different forms that are required to be completed when a client lists their house through our office . We have mail slots like you see in a schools for the teachers ' mail . We have a slot for each individual form that the agents need . I usually make sure that all of the slots are stocked . Even those that are not part of the listing packet . I guess I should explain something about myself before I go any further with what happened tonight . I am somewhat of a perfectionist . I like things to be just so . If you looked at my house you would never believe this about me , but it 's true when I 'm at work . I keep the forms going all the same way , I punch the appropriate holes , and I make sure that the forms are professional looking . I have also voiced to some of the agents that it irritates me when people throw pieces away that are not needed for the listing that they are currently working with . I have also said how their messes and unprofessional manners irritate me . When I started working on the packets tonight , I did things a little different than normal . Lately I have just been copying all of the forms that I need . The copier said it needed toner replaced , so I didn 't make very many copies . I used the forms that were in the slots . When I got to one particular form the stack was a mess ! ! ! ! There were 2 pages on way and 10 the other , then 4 the opposite way . Some had holes some didn 't . Most of the ones that were mixed every which way were ones that were copied at the same time ( There was a lighter portion on all of them that was from a poor master copy being used . ) and punched at the same time . All of the holes lined up perfectly at the same off set slant . This really pissed me off ! ! ! I hate it when these people do things like that . I 'm sure someone heard me complaining about behaviPosted by As I have reviewed a few of my previous posts , I have realized that I have had a few typos . Most of them come in the Title . I usually do a spell check , but it does not check the title . I usually forget this fact and don 't check it myself . I have noticed that often my fingers get ahead of themselves . I have not had any formal typing class / training . I have just gotten better over time . I can type much faster than I used to but my accuracy rate is not that good . ( I really need to work on this before I start back at college . ) I have noticed that one of my most common errors is typing the word form instead of from . Please understand that my blog is not called The Insane World of Motherhood for nothing . Here are a few of the normal circumstances under which I am writing my posts : With 1 or 2 whining girls on my lap ( this is often one handed typing ) . Catching a few quick minutes during lunch or nap . Stopping to break up sibling spats . Stopping to change a stinky diaper . Stopping mid - word because it is too quiet . Stopping to kiss a boo - boo . Stopping to do numerous " mommy jobs " ( far too many to list separately , but you have the idea of what they are . ) Late at night when everyone is in bed . In a sleep deprived stupor . While a million other things are racing around in my head . So if you do see a typo , please have a laugh on my expense and understand that I try my best to catch them , but they occasionally slip by . Posted by I know I have discussed things that have been ongoing so I thought I 'd update on a few of them . The bathroom project is just about finished . All I have left is to paint the door frames and put the trim boards in . I will try to get some pictures taken and post them this afternoon or tomorrow . I can 't remember if i had posted about B 's knee , but he can 't wait for the 8th to get here . He is having the screw removed from his knee . It is working it 's way out of the bone and causing soft tissue irritation . We are hoping that as soon as it is gone he will have better range of motion in the knee . We will not know what time his surgery is scheduled for until the evening before . That 's the way the surgery center schedules things , which I think is just stupid . On the lice situation , L has been back since last Tuesday and had appeared to be nit free . I found one nit in her hair today . Obviously they have not taken care of the problem at home . There is something that they have neglected to treat . It is getting so damn frustrating on my end . I hate to send her home for one nit that I removed , but I really do not want to get them started in my house . My girls have thin hair , so if they get it I will not have much trouble finding and removing anything . My hair on the other hand is very thick . It is currently about 4 - 6 inches past my shoulders so it would not be fun or easy to get rid of any of those nasty things . I would have to ask my mom to come over and take care of it for me . Kay has gone home and so far I have not heard from her . I 'm sure they made it back alright and she is busy getting the boys ' school year started early . She is doing this so that she can take about a month off to come help her dad when he is ready . Sissy has been having horrible reactions to mosquito bites . She got bit just under her eyebrow last week . Her whole eye got so swollen it looked like someone clocked her . We were outside the other evening and she got about 12 new bites . I put hydrocortisone cream on them and gave her some antihistamine . This reallyPosted by Sissy has started saying another word . We are so excited ! ! ! She brought me her cup pointed to the fridge and said some . She also brought a package of pretzel sticks & cheese to me pointed to it and said some . She has done it a few more times so I guess it 's not just a fluke . I guess she has heard me say " do you want some juice , etc . " enough times to associate some with what she wants . I guess grandma was right . She predicted that as soon as we made the appointment to get her evaluated for a speech delay she would start talking on her own . I did get a call today letting me know that 2 of the therapists that I chose have accepted Sissy . The SC will send them the folders with Sissy 's info and they will set up the appointments with me . Hopefully we can get it all done soon . Since Kay 's mom has passed and she has returned home things are beginning to get back to " normal " around our house . She was planning to stay to start the process of going through her mom 's things but her dad is not ready for that to happen yet . She told him to just call her when he is ready and she will make the trip back up and stay as long as is necessary to get it all done . I am sure that it is very hard on him . With normalcy returning the kids are settling back into their usual routines . One of these is fighting constantly . Jay loves his sisters , but he does not know when to leave them alone . Zee will scream and cry when he is trying to hold on to her and even with us telling him to let her go and leave her alone he will not stop . He spent 2 days with grandpa and it was so quite around the house . As soon as he returned her started picking on his sisters . School starts in less than 5 weeks and I cannot wait ! We finished with Samantha 's intake appointment . We filled out all of the paperwork and picked some developmental & speech therapists . They will be contacting the ones that I chose and one from each category will be coming to evaluate Samantha . If she has at least a 30 % delay , she will be eligible to receive services . The service coordinator ( that 's what I was trying to come up with in the previous post ) explained the process which is as follows : Referral - - Call made to EI by the parent , physician , etc . Assignment to a Service Coordinator ( SC ) Intake Appointment - - SC comes to child 's home to gather all needed info & explain the process to the parent ( s ) / guardian ( s ) . P / G selects therapists to evaluate their child in the areas that delays are suspected . EvaluationsReports from eval . sent to SCSC reviews reports and determines if services are needed . SC lets p / g know the results of the eval . & whether or not child qualifies for services . A IFSP meeting is done to determine what the goals are for the child 's therapy . ( This is very similar to the IEP we do each year for Jay 's Special Ed . & Speech services at school . ) Therapist ( s ) begin to see the child . Case review every 6 - 12 months . I believe I got all steps in there . She also explained that there is a Family Fee that would need to be paid to help cover what insurance does not cover . I know that our insurance does not cover speech services , so I figured that we would have a large payment to make each month . Well I was wrong . The fee is based on your income . The monthly fees are $ 0 , $ 10 , $ 20 , $ 30 , $ 50 , $ 70 , $ 100 , $ 150 & $ 200 . It does say that families who are on Medicaid , KidCare or WIC , or whose income is at or below 185 % of the federal poverty level are not required to pay a fee . Considering that the maximum monthly family fee for a family of 5 is for those whose income is over $ 144 , 780 per year . I am hoping that we can get the evaluations done next week . I would like to get things going before school starts . I will definitely post again once we have acheived the next stepAmy This is the precise phrase that my 3 year old said to me yesterday evening . She is developing quite an attitude ; she is 3 going on 15 . This phrase I 'm sure she either heard from her brother , cousin , day care friend or the TV . It still amazes me on how quickly she picks up on things and uses them in the right context . Many kids will hear a phrase or word and use them incorrectly or with the wrong inflection . It 's the opposite for Zee . After sending L home last week on Monday with head lice her mom decided to keep her home all week . She said that she wanted to make sure that she had gotten rid of all of the lice before sending her back over . I was very appreciative of this . The problem is when she arrived this Monday I took her mom 's word that she had gotten everything out of her hair . She told me that the lice was gone . About an hour and a half later she started scratching her head . I decided that it would be best to fully check her head . Guess what I found . You got it . She was not free of the " headlights " as she calls them . I spent about an hour and a half going through her hair pulling out nits . I found at least 2 dozen of them . I called her mom and her older sister came and picked her up . Her mom said that she is embarrassed that I keep finding them in her hair . I feel sorry for what she is going through with all of this , but I really do not want to get an infestation at my house . I gathered up the few babies and stuffed animals that my girls had been playing with over the weekend and stashed them away in a trash bag . They joined the others in the basement . I vacuumed everywhere that I could . Sprayed the couch & chair with an aerosol spray that is for killing lice . I washed & dried all of the blankets & throws that I had around , including the ones out of Samantha 's bed that L decided to take to use for the baby dolls . She was free of any signs of lice on Tuesday , she stayed home today and we 'll see if she is still nit free tomorrow . I sure hope so ! ! I am tired of treating the house , just in case . Sissy turned 18 months old this month . I cannot believe that my baby is a year and a half old already ! ! She went to the pediatrician last week for her check up . She is about average for her height and still below average for her weight . She was 23 lbs . & 31 1 / 2 in . One of the things that the doctor said to me was " Tell me she is talking more . " Unfortunately she is not . The Dr . L said that Sissy needs to have a speech therapist work with her . She wanted Sissy to get a referral for the program that services children under the age of 3 in our area . She had the receptionist call in a referral . I had already called one in , so they would not do anything further . I finally talked to the case worker / manager ( whatever her title is ) late last week . I made sure to let her know that the pediatrician was very concerned as well . We have our intake appointment in the morning . That is the time that they come out and gather more info on the child & family . They also explain the whole process and schedule whatever screenings they feel are needed . I believe they do a developmental screening with all children and then also for whatever area ( s ) that their delay ( s ) are in . I hope that they get this process going quickly . I almost forgot . Sissy started saying a new word . She says ball . It is not as clear as it should be , but it is progress . It brings her work count to 4 . Momma , ball , see and either ada or da for Dad . I guess you can 't really count ada & da as words , but those are the consistent sounds that she says when she means Dad . I will definitely update later on how the process is going . Kay 's mom Pattie lost her battle with brain cancer early yesterday morning . She was taken from this world too soon . She had so much more life to live . The silver lining to all of this is that she is no longer suffering . Pattie we love you and we will miss you . Please watch over us until we join you in heaven . I sent Kay a bill for her time that she was here . It totalled over $ 1400 . 00 . She replied that the check was in the mail and she is not responsible for lost or misdirected mail . I told her that her stay here was going to be VERY expensive . I hope it gave her a good laugh . She needs it . She told me today that her mom left notes for all of the kids . The ones to the boys said that they were her pride and joy . Kay 's said that her mom was sorry for not getting her quilt done . I can imagine how sad that made her feel . When I read her email it made me cry . Kay said that she wished that mom had just once told her that she was proud of her . I quickly emailed her back and told her that I 'm sure her mom is proud of her and that she loves her . I also told her that I was proud of her . She is a very strong woman and a great mother to her boys . That is the question that Zee has been asking constantly for the last day and a half . It is a result of her little friend , L ( who I babysit ) , bringing along some uninvited guests . You guessed it Head Lice . I have been trying everything that I can to prevent a lice infestation at my house . L ended up with lice last week . She had not been here that much last week and not at all the day that the lice were found , so I was not overly concerned . Plus , her mom said she only found 2 or 3 and I know how meticulous her mom is about treating everyone for lice . Her step - daughter has come to their house for her scheduled weekend many times with head lice . She has always been able to keep it contained to the one child and has been able to get rid of it fairly easily . Well , I guess there is something different this time . L arrived at my house at about 8 : 30 and sat at the table to eat breakfast . She reached up to scratch her head , so I decided that it would probably be best to do a head check . I have done so many of these in my years of working in daycare that I know exactly what to look for . I found one louse ( singular form of lice ) and 2 nits . At that point I stopped looking . It was more than enough for me to decide to send her right back home . I had to take Jay to his summer day camp or he was going to miss his field trip . I very reluctantly loaded everyone in the van and headed across town to drop Jay off . While on the way there I called L 's mom . I let her know what I had found and told her that I could drop her off at home . L 's teenage sister was at home , so I dropped her off there . I them came home and started vacuuming like crazy . I went and bout spray for the van and the couch . I bagged up all dolls and stuffed animals and took them downstairs for their 2 weeks of isolation . As a preventative I bought coconut scented shampoo for everyone to use . I have read that lice do not like the smell of coconut . If anyone has any other suggestions of how to prevent head lice I would greatly appreciate them . Also , any suggestions of how Posted by Kay called me on Sunday to say that her mom is doing better . She is more alert and is again taking liquids and some nourishment . There are alot of things that she needs to do at home , so she has made the decision to go home for awhile . She has lots of things to get done at home . She said that they left in such a hurry that she wasn 't able to get everything done that she should have . Also she is wanting to start preparing her lessons for the boys ' upcoming school year . She usually starts in early to mid August . She said that the family was given some literature on the dying process . Her mom is following the process almost to the letter . Kay said that they believe one reason her mom was not taking in nourishment was due to the fever that she had for a few days . They say that running a fever during the process is normal . It is basically one of the stages of dying . Kay feels confident that her mom will be with us for awhile longer . She had originally planned to stay in town until her mom passed , but that seems to be further in the future than we had first thought . Kay plans to come back afterwards and help go through all of her mom 's things . Her mom was an avid crafter . She has TONS of craft supplies , finished projects and unfinished projects . Kay was asked to catalog , write descriptions and photograph each item so that her brother would be able to post them to a web site to sell them . This will take quite some time on her part . Her dad also wants her to research the retail cost of each item , so that they can price them correctly to get at least half of the regular retail on each item . Kay was telling me yesterday that she found a bag of misc . yarns that don 't really have any specific info on them . She was saying how hard it would be to research the value of these items . My suggestion was to just keep them together as a grab bag or mystery lot of yarn and pick a price for it . Personally , I think that the men in Kay 's family are expecting her to do too much . I have volunteered to assist as well to help lessen her burden . Posted by I went and bought a new gallon of paint yesterday . The color that we were planning to use in the bathroom ended up being way too dark once it was on the walls . I choose another light shade of purple . I wanted to go with something completely different from what I have in any of the other rooms . I put the first coat on most of the bathroom this morning and had to wait 4 hours before re - coating . While I was painting the first time B was upstairs trying to replace some of the parts in the tank of the toilet up there . That particular toilet was in the house when we bought it and was in ok shape , so we left it . I have no way of knowing just how old that toilet is , but I do know that it is not one of the water saving varieties . Well , B was having some major difficulties with parts being too corroded that they did not want to come apart . I suggested that maybe it was time to go ahead and replace that toilet . B agreed , so we went off to the local home improvement store and brought home a nice new toilet . Knowing that I was not happy about having 2 toilets out of commission he kept telling me we still have one working toilet . After getting that toilet installed I went to put on the second coat of paint . I decided that since we were taking things apart upstairs that we might as well replace the faucet as well . I got one for free that was new in the box as a left over yard sale item . B was having some trouble getting this task taken care of in the confines of the vanity so I finished it up for him . B is not the most handy person , but he is getting a little better . I am not the most handy person , but I am more so than he is . I remember when we were first dating her needed to replace the wheel bearings on his car . His dad tried to help him as well , but I was the one who ended up doing most of the repair . My dad and brother always did all of the repairs on our cars and I often was needed to assist . Dad also did almost all of the repairs around the house as well . Another example was two years ago when we had only a few days left toPosted by As I am typing this I am waiting for tonight 's prank to occur . The last 2 nights I have had a knock on the door and items left in the mailbox or on the front step . Each of these happened between 10 : 15 & 10 : 25 . On Thursday night there was a small knock on the storm door at 10 : 15 . I was not fully dressed . I was getting ready to go take a shower , so I decided to ignore the knock . I figured it was a kid due to the lightness of the knock . An adult would have had a louder harder knock . Friday morning when I was checking to see if the mail had arrived yet , I found a note . It said " I Love U Jay . From Ashley " . We teased Jay about having a girlfriend , not knowing what Friday night would bring . Friday night at about 10 : 25 I was on the phone talking to my brother and trying to get the bathroom painted . I happened to be in the kitchen and heard something hit the glass on the front door . If something hit the glass that meant that the storm door had been opened . I went to the front door , flipped on the front light and looked outside . The storm door was wide open and on the front step was a white plastic Walmart bag . I decided to just leave it sitting there until morning when I could get a better look at what it was . In retrospect , the dog had been barking prior to all of this happening and I just thought she was barking at a cat or something . I guess I will take her barking a bit more seriously from now on . She was barking just a few minutes ago , so I got ready to take action . I have a flashlight with brand new batteries in it and my cell phone ready . If there is another incident tonight I am prepared to have the local law enforcement get involved . I believe all of these things are coming from the kids who live two houses down from us . One of those girls is named Ashley . My brother wanted me to call the police last night . I decided to wait and see if this was going to become a nightly thing . He argued with me and said that before long we might have a flaming bag on the doorstep that could catch the whole house on fire . I would hopPosted by All of my posts lately have been so focused on other matters I almost forgot to post about Sissy and her speech issues . I have made the decision to finally make the call to have her evaluated for a speech delay . She will be 18 months old next week and her vocabulary consists of mom / momma , ada ( this means dad ) , see ( she uses this for everything . ie : when she wants a drink or something to eat , when she needs anything , when she finds things . ) She has said what somewhat sounded like " juice " a time or two as well as something that kind of resembled " that " ( it sounds more like " at " . ) I have been told that the first thing that will probably be asked of us is : Has she had her hearing checked ? I have not done this , due to the fact that I know her hearing is fine . I was in the living room one day and said something to Zee about going bye - bye . Sissy was in the playroom , which is 2 rooms away . She came running in the room , grabbed her shoes and wanted them on so that she could go too . Once I have the appointment set and have her evaluated I will definitely post about the results . Things have somewhat calmed down around here . Kay and her boys stayed at her parent 's house last night . She did bring them over for about 2 hours . She wanted to see her mom and she took her grandma ( mom 's mom ) with her . You would think that taking care of an additional 5 kids would be tough , but it really hasn 't been . I guess all of my years of experience working at day cares has really helped . The only real problem I had today was with the 2 oldest boys , Jay being one of them . They were throwing toys , choking others and biting others . This is not behavior that I will tolerate from kids , especially from a 9 & 11 year old . It really infuriated me when I heard that the 9 year old was biting . I hate it when Sissy bites and she isn 't quite 18 months . As part of his punishment he was told that he was not going to be allowed to spend the night here tonight . I can 't remember if I had said in a previous post that B decided to replace the flooring in one of the bathrooms . He thought that we would have it done by Sunday night . When I say " we " I mean his parents . They are the ones who did all of the work , with the exception of removing the toilet . Well . . . . . We just got the vinyl laid yesterday evening . I tried to paint the area that will be behind the toilet this afternoon . I figured that I would get it painted before putting the toilet back , especially considering how small of a room it is . I have a can of light purple paint that I thought would be great in that room . The color is so pretty in the can , but once it was on the wall it dried very dark in comparison . I borrowed a can of primer from the in - laws and have put one coat over the purple . When I finish with this post I will put a second coat and hopefully get to paint in there tomorrow morning . I really would like to have the toilet working again . B always decides to do these projects at the worse times and they never go as smoothly as they should . Oh well . I guess I should be used to that by now . My day started out with a phone call at 7 : 20 . It was Kay letting me know that she was about 200 miles away and was heading back to my way . She had gotten a call Sunday night that her mom had taken a turn for the worse . She was wanting to come back and spend some time with her mom and help her dad with some things . She wanted to stay here for a few nights as well as spending some at her parents ' house . She arrived at around 12 : 10 in the afternoon . I had to pick Jay up at 2 from day camp . After I got back she left the boys with me so that she could go see her mom . She arrived back at around 7 : 30 . We got the kids ready for bed and cleaned up the dinner mess . B went to bed at 10 something and Kay and I stayed up talking . We finally went to bed around 4 or 4 : 30 . Two of Kay 's boys woke up shortly thereafter , but she was able to get them back to sleep for a bit . I was up for the day at about 7 : 30 . Needless to say , I was dragging all day long today . I really should have gone to bed already , but I wanted to check emails and do some blog writing . Over all the boys have been pretty well behaved . They tried testing me to see what they were able to get away with . I laid down the law right away and they decided that they had better follow the rules . Now on to Kay 's mom . On Sat . she was alert and recognized her husband , but not her kids . By Sunday she was did not recognize anyone and became unresponsive . She also was not eating or drinking anything . The family has been told that with her not taking in nourishment she will be gone in 2 to 14 days . I believe that today is day 3 . It seems a cruel way for someone to die . She is essentially starving to death , but these were her wishes . She had stated that if she got to the point that she had no chance of recovery , she did not want any artificial means of support , including a feeding tube . But if that is her wish , I can respect her wishes . I 'm sure this does not come as a surprise . Kay and I have postponed our weekend out to a yet to be determined later date . It will all depends on what happens with her mom and how much help her dad needs after the fact . I 'm sure Kay will need some time away after her mom dies even more than before . ( It seems so callous to talk about her mom 's impending death . We know that it is coming and we are not expecting a miracle recovery . I know that miracles happen , but I 'm not counting on one . God 's Will will be done . ) I know Kay loves her family , but she really needs , no I think deserves is a better word , a break . Her husband travels with his job , so 80 - 90 % of the time she is essentially a single parent . She is a stay at home mom with 5 boys and she home schools them . I have to say that she is a better woman that I am . I don 't think that I would be able to handle all of that . We will get our weekend sometime . It might be several months down the road , but that 's OK . Kay called me this morning . At that point she had not decided whether or not to stay beyond Sunday . In addition to the 5 boys she had the 2 dogs in tow as well . Jasmine would not be very happy if she had to share her territory with 2 other dogs . Kay 's plan was to see her mom and then talk to her dad to see if there was anything that she could be of help with in the coming week . If he didn 't need help with anything she would go home Sunday as originally planned . She called me back a few hours ago and let me know that she was indeed heading for home in the morning . They all got to see her mom and had a chance to say their goodbyes . Her mom didn 't recognize any of them though . I 'm sure she is being heavily medicated and I 'm sure the size or placement of the tumor is also having an effect on her memory & other cognitive abilities . Kay is somewhat resentful of her dad for not letting her come visit sooner . She wanted to come for a visit as soon as her mom was diagnosed . Her dad thought it was best for everyone to stay away while her mom was dealing with recovering from surgery and the effects of chemo and radiation treatments . Her mom had said that she didn 't want people seeing her in that way . I pointed out to Kay that she shouldn 't hold it against her dad . He was in some respects abiding by her mom 's wishes by keeping everyone away . Plus , nobody knew that things were going to turn out this way . Everyone was operating under the assumption that the doctors were right . That her mom was going to live another 2 years or longer . Today Kay has come to the conclusion that her mom will be gone very soon . I hate to say it , but I hope Kay is right . I don 't want her mom to suffer . It is horrible when people linger for a long time suffering . If it were my mom , I would rather see her go quickly than see her suffering for a long time . I just cannot imagine what Kay is going through . She has been her normal upbeat self when I 've talked to her . I would be a basket case if I were in her shoes . Kay will be coming back sometime to help go tPosted by I have come to that conclusion after I offered to let Kay and her 5 boys ( age 1 - 9 ) stay at my house anytime they want to . I want her to have as much time as possible with her mom . B is not happy about the offer , but he 'll get over it . If we lived hundreds of miles away and one of our parents was terminally ill , I would be very thankful if someone made the same offer . But B doesn 't see it that way . He doesn 't think of anyone but himself alot of the time . I guess it has to do with being the youngest and having such a large age span between him & his brother . Kay and her immediate family are getting together this weekend . Kay , her husband , and the kids will be staying at a hotel for the weekend . Her husband has to travel to the East coast for his job assignment Monday . She is thinking about having him catch a flight out of STL that way she and the boys can stay for at least a portion of the week . She was supposed to call me this morning , but I have not heard form her yet and it is after 2 her time . I am planning things as if they are coming to stay , that way I am prepared . If she decides not to stay she might want to a week or two down the road . Well if they come , it will be quite chaotic here with 8 kids running around . I hope that we all come out of the experience with our sanity intact . I will try if I can to post how things are going while they are here . Just to recap what I wrote a few weeks ago . My best friend , Kay , is dealing with her mother 's battle with brain cancer . Her mom had surgery to remove the tumor and was given a pretty positive prognosis . The tumor was not as bad as they had first suspected and gave her a prognosis of 2 - 3 years with radiation & chemo . They also said that it might be possible for her to get 5 years or more . Well , all that has changed . I just received word that Kay 's mom is not doing very well . She was taken to the ER on Monday with a suspected UT infection . She was transferred to the larger hospital where she has been receiving her cancer treatments . They did multiple tests , including an MRI . The brain tumor that she had had removed is back and larger than ever . The doctors say that radiation and chemo are pointless . With the rapid progression of the cancer it is just a matter of time . They have given her only a few weeks . Arrangements are being made for hospice care . The family ( Kay & her brothers and their families ) usually gets together over the 4th of July every year . They had postponed this get together until Labor Day weekend knowing that mom would just be starting out with her treatments . They are now making arrangements to have the get together ASAP . It just seems so unfair . They were so positive after her surgery and now everything has gotten so much worse . All I can really say about this is CANCER SUCKS ! ! ! ! ! This evening I was sitting on the couch and Zee climbed up on my lap . She started poking on my checks , so I did the same to her . She looked at me and said , " I not got pimples . " I asked her who did , to which she replied , " That boy . " I asked her were she learned about pimples and she told me on TV . I never thought that my daughter , who turned 3 in March , would be talking about pimples at this age . I 'm going to have my hands full with this one . There are times that I think she 's too smart for her own good . The guys left Friday night . Zee did not get to go . Grandpa didn 't really want her to go , so she went camping with my parents instead . My mom took her Wed . evening and I picked her up Sat . afternoon . She told me at one point that she was camping all summer . Once Zee came home she and Sissy have been fighting like cats & dogs . If Zee is sitting in a chair Sissy thinks she needs to be on that particular chair . That 's just one example of what 's been going on . I have a new appreciation for what single parents go through . B is not the most helpful when it comes to the kids , but I can occasionally leave the kids with him and do something . Even if it is as simple as him taking the kids upstairs while I do the dishes it helps . I will finally get my break away from the kids next month . My best friend will be flying in on a Friday and leaving on a Monday . She 's getting a hotel room and the two of us will be spending a glorious kid free weekend there . I hope to get tickets to a comedy club and a musical for Fri & Sat nights . During the day we will go shopping , sight seeing or whatever we want . I am SO looking forward to this . The last time I got any time away was an overnight trip for a bowling tournament . That was over 5 years ago . Jay was 6 and we had finally gotten pregnant again . We told everyone and within a week I had a miscarriage . That was just a few days before I was scheduled to leave for the tournament . B wasn 't happy that I was going , so we were fighting as well . Needless to say , it was not a very enjoyable trip . B is not happy that I am having my weekend away , but I don 't care . I need a break . He does not realize what I go through on a daily basis . I know that I have been neglecting my blog lately . Summer has hit and I have even less time to get everything done . The kids are keeping me on the go . Jay started summer day camp last week . He goes M , W , F from 9am - 2pm . I have to drop him off and pick him up each day . When he 's in school , we are so close to the school that he walks to and from there each day . Zee has been attending day care on Tuesdays . I usually drop her off around 9am & either pick her up by 12 : 30 or grandma drops her off around 12 : 45 . I am still babysitting 4 days a week . I am also trying to get things together for me to finally finish my degree at the end of the fall semester . I had another yard sale , well actually 2 . A friend of mine wanted to have one at her house on Thursday . We scrambled to put things together in about 2 days . It was so HOT that day and we only made a total of less than $ 5 . After seeing in the paper that someone down the block from me was having a yard sale on Sat . , I decided to take advantage of their advertising and had a sale at my house too . We live on a one - way street , so anyone who went to their sale had to drive past my house when they left . Jay had a lemonade stand and make about $ 6 . I made about $ 100 . My friend had some of her stuff here and made only $ 6 . 25 , $ 2 of which was stuff that I had bought of hers . I am trying to help get things gathered for a benefit yard sale that my work does every summer . We will be having it on the 30th of this month . This year all proceeds will go to local food pantries . I have been going through my stuff and donated several trash bags & boxes full of stuff that was left over from my sale . I still have ALOT of stuff that I want to try to sell before getting rid of it . I have winter clothes that I figure people might be looking at yard sales for closer to Sept . I will have another sale then . Hopefully I can get my mom motivated enough to get some things gathered to sell . I hope that we can get things calmed down a bit , so that I can get things caught back up . The house is a mess from the boPosted by My best friend 's mom saw her oncologist last week . She will begin having chemotherapy & radiation treatments soon . The doctor also believes that she could have 5 years maybe more if the treatments are successful . One a less positive note , as a result of the tumor and / or surgery to remove it she has experienced some loss of cognitive ability . The doctor has assured her that with some work she will be able to relearn the things that she has lost . The problem is that she is currently very depressed and in the " Poor Me " mode . You have to understand that this women is a VERY stubborn and strong willed person . Once she decides that she going to do something she does not give up until the task is completed . I just wish I knew of a way to get her motivated . I told my friend about my FIL who had a non - cancerous brain tumor over 20 years ago . He is now legally deaf , one side of his face is paralysed and he is almost blind in the eye on that side . He has over come these obstacles and continues to lead a very productive life . On Friday night we all went for one of our " short " walks that end up taking us all over town . Sissy and Zee each ride in a stroller . We 've found that it 's easier to take 2 instead of the double stroller . It 's difficult to get the big stroller up and down off of the curbs . While we were walking Sissy received several mosquito bites . When she woke up Sat . morning she had one , or at least what I thought was a mosquito bite , on the top of her left hand . Her had was a bit red , but that was about it . By that afternoon her had and 3 of her fingers were swollen . My mom thought that it might have been a spider bite instead . I 'm wondering if she has an allergic reaction to the mosquito bites , because whenever she gets bit they get big & red . She has had one other bite , that again I thought was from a mosquito , that got big & ugly looking king of like this one . Thankfully her hand looks much more normal today . I guess I need to make sure that I put insect repellent on her when she will be outside . We are having a major problem with Sissy . She has decided that the best way to communicate is through biting . Zee has a large bruise on her leg from where Sissy bit her the other day . Zee has bitten her back on occasion , but it doesn 't seem to stop her . If I send her to day care , like I plan to in a few months , I 'm afraid that she will be kicked out for biting . I know with her lack of vocabulary she can 't express exactly what she want to , but this is getting to be too much . Any advice would be appreciated . Well , we did it again . Much to the grandmas ' dismay we had Sissy 's ears pierced . She 's 2 months older than Zee was when she had hers pierced . B took Zee when she was 14 mos . old had did it . He was tired of our almost bald baby girl , who was often dressed in pink and / or a dress , being called a boy . We have had the same problem with Sissy . Although she does have a bit more hair than her sister did , it 's still quite short and I guess a little boyish looking . I had her in a dress one day and she was called a boy by 3 people ! ! ! I know the dress was a pale blue , but COME ON , it was a DRESS with FLOWERS ALL OVER IT ! ! ! Are people just stupid or what ? ? ? ? If I am unsure of the child 's gender I always either say " What a cute BABY . " or ask questions that the parent might respond with a he or she . When you see a child in a dress , wearing pink , or with flowers all over the outfit I think it 's safe to assume that you are looking at a GIRL . I have been dealing with sick babies since Friday . 3 of them to be exact : Zee , Sissy & my husband . Zee must 've brought home a virus from day care . She has been attending a small family run day care center one morning a week . They 've sent several kids home with fevers lately . Zee had a fever for about 24 - 36 hours . B was home sick from work Mon & Tues . ( Wouldn 't it be nice to be able to call in sick ? ? ? When I 'm sick I still have to do all of my regular duties , regardless of how bad I feel . It can be hell for us stay at home moms when we are not feeling well . ) He said he had a fever and just felt achy . Sissy has had the worst of it . Sissy started running a fever sometime Sat . It went as high as 103 . 5 . She was still running about 100 . 2 yesterday . I think it is finally gone today . She has been crabby and EXTREMELY clingy . I can 't hardly get anything done . ( Right now she is sitting in the living room with a bottle watching her sister play with her Barbie computer . ) We have not been sleeping well . I have gotten about 4 hours of sleep each night for the last week . And those 4 hours are not 4 hours straight . It 's come in the form of 10 - 60 minute stretches with anywhere from 5 minutes to 2 hours awake in between . I have spent alot of time cleaning up vomit too . I have washed one blanket everyday for the last 3 days . For whatever reason the virus that Zee had has hit Sissy full force . The Dr . said that it usually takes 3 - 7 days to run it 's course , sometimes it takes 10 days ! ! ! We are on day 6 with no end in sight . I hope it ends SOON . I can 't take much more ! ! ! ! I LOVE yard sales . I get alot of the kids ' clothes at yard sales . It is the best way to get alot of clothes for very little money . I often find outfits that are in great condition for less than $ 2 . 00 . I admit it . I am cheap when it comes to many things . I will not spend more than about $ 2 for an outfit unless it is new , in like new condition , and / or so cute that I have to have it . I love the sales that most items are a quarter or maybe 50 cents . I do not budget in any money for the kids clothes each month , because I know that I will get tons at yard sales in the summer . The only one that I have trouble finding for is Jay . He is at that age where boys usually wear out their clothes before they outgrow them . His grandma does alot of shopping for him , so I don 't usually have to worry about getting much of his clothes . Having your own yard sale in ALOT of work ! ! ! I had one with my MIL last Sat . That is part of the reason I have not posted in a while . I have to say that it was worth all of the work . I made about $ 300 ! ! ! ! I mainly sold baby clothes , equipment & toys . I will be having at least one more sale this summer . We are all done having babies , so all of the baby and kid clothes that the kids have outgrown or won 't wear are going bye - bye . I have also gone through the toys & books and weeded out what the kids don 't use . I am hoping to make about the same at the next sale , but I 'm not holding my breath . About $ 80 was from one person . She bought all of the baby girl clothes that I had as well as other items . I wanted to make sure that I posted this THANK YOU to all the men and women who have served in our country 's military . Many people see Memorial Day as nothing more than a day off of work and / or school . My father and grandfather both served in the military during war times . My grandfather was in the Navy during WWII . The ship that he was on sunk . He was one of the lucky ones who survived . My father was drafted during the Vietnam War and served in the Army . Near the end of his tour of duty he was shot by enemy fire . He did not suffer life threatening injuries , but sustained injuries that were severe enough to end his military career . When my grandfather , who voluntarily joined the service , return from war he was seen as a hero . My father on the other hand was a draftee and was called a baby killer and worse , treated as a murdered , not accepted into veteran organization , and treated badly by much of the general population just because he did his duty and served his country when he was called upon to do so . We may not agree with the politics behind the war , but we need to treat our military men and women with all due respect . They are doing their job . If it were not for the military we would not be living in the world that we do . Who knows how bad our lives would be . We have more freedoms than most countries and take it for granted . Alright , I will get off of my soapbox . Again , THANK YOU to all the men and women who have served and are serving now . We also need to remember those who have given their lives as well as the family members left behind . I grew up with dogs as pets . Our first dog , P , we got as a puppy when I was one year old . This dog was not very nice . She was not at all good with kids . She used to bite us & break the skin . Despite this my parents kept her . I never really liked this particular animal . I have been facing a similar situation with my own kids . We have a small wire hair terrier mix ( J ) . We talked about getting another dog & ended up getting R , a beagle terrier mix puppy , without really thinking it through . I know that puppies are not perfect , but R decided that whenever Sissy was around that it was a good thing to bite , jump on or lick her . R most frequently would use Sissy as a chew toy . Now Sissy isn 't much of a talker , but it often sounded as if she was telling R to " get " . Sissy did not like to be outside playing if R was around . I decided that I could not have my baby being bit all the time and also chance that she would become afraid of dogs . So , I made the decision to offer her free to a good home . Well I had a few responses to my ads and I was completely honest about what type of behaviors we were experiencing with her . I would rather keep her and try to change the behaviors than to send her to a new home that would not be a good place for her . Finally there was a couple who has 2 dogs already that was wanting to meet R . I took her to meet them and they wanted to think it over . They also asked lots of questions . It made me feel better that they were asking these things and that they were not rushing into their decision . Well , they ended up wanting R , but wanted to wait until today to get her . I met up with them this morning and handed R over to them . They have assured me that they will send pics & updates via email . The only problem is that I have not told the kids that she 's gone . Jay has spent the weekend with my in - laws , so he hasn 't been around to notice . When he comes home in the morning I 'll have to handle his questions . Zee wanted J to come inside today . She has not seemed to notice that R was not around today . Sissy on tPosted by I have gotten an update on my friend 's mom . Although her tumor is indeed cancerous , they have determined that it is not as bad as first thought . She has had surgery and will be doing chemotherapy . They are now saying that she has 2 - 3 years . This is such a relief after hearing the initial prognosis . Thank you to all who have sent positive thoughts and prayers their way ! ! ! I have a 16 month old baby who must think that she is a newborn . I cannot get more than 5 hours of sleep at a time out of Sissy . She has been going to bed between 8 & 9 and she wakes up the first time between 10 : 30 & 2 : 30 EVERY NIGHT ! ! ! ! There are many nights that I just stay up thinking that as soon as I get comfy & fall asleep , she will wake up screaming . I have been trying to soothe her back to sleep while she is still in her bed . This only works some of the time . I have also resorted to the BIG NO NO of giving her a bottle in bed . I know that I probably should just leave her in her bed and let her cry it out , but I hate to since she shares a room with Zee . I want Sissy to learn to put herself back to sleep , but not at her sister 's expense . If anyone has any suggestion , I am willing to listen to them . Last night she woke up at about 10 : 30 and I was able to get her back to sleep by patting her back and giving her a bottle . She then woke again at 4 : 30 and decided that it was time to play . I finally got her to go back to sleep about 2 hours later , which gave me a 30 minute nap before I needed to get up . I usually get up by 7 to get Jay up and off to school . Zee was downstairs at about 7 : 45 so that was the end of Sissy 's sleeping . Sissy is also refusing to nap more than 30 minutes a day this week . With Sissy 's behavior ( In addition to not sleeping she just isn 't quite herself . ) I am almost thinking that I need to take her to the doctor . I wonder if her ears are bothering her . She has been poking at & pulling on them this week . I don 't know if it 's a boredom buster or if it 's because they hurt . I guess I 'll wait and see how things go tonight before I make my final decision . Last week I took Zee for a pre - school screening at our school district . They have begun the 3 rounds of screenings to see which kids qualify to attend preschool in the fall . The kids that have the greatest deficits in age appropriate development are given preference when they begin filling the available spaces . Well , my normally quiet & shy little girl ( in new situations , NOT at home . LOL ! ! ) talked up a storm . She participated fully in all but the gross motor activities . I believe that the 2 boys that were there also were getting a bit too rambunctious for her . The teacher asked her name about 3 - 5 minutes after we arrived and she didn 't hesitate to answer . Then she was asked who brought her . Zee responded , " My Mommy . My Daddy 's at work . " She also was working a puzzle and correctly named all of the colors on it ( red , orange , yellow , green , blue , purple , white , brown , & black ) . In some areas she did much better than the other kids in her group . All of the other kids will be turning 5 by the end of November and Zee just turned 3 in March . They score the kids in about 5 categories . A zero means the child meets or exceeds age appropriate development in that area . Zee scored a ONE as her total score ! ! ! ! She got that in the area of social development . They also put a note in her paperwork that she has some speech issues at this time that are not a problem . If they still exist when she is closer to 4 , she will need to receive speech services which would make her eligible for the pre - school program . This is a question that Zee has been asking everyone lately . She asked my mom yesterday . Grandma told her " no " and them asked Zee if she had peanuts . Zee responded that she doesn 't have peanuts , she 's not a bubby ( this is what she calls her brother ) . You may have figured it out by now that she is referring to the boy parts . Isn 't it funny what names kids come up with for things ? ? ? ? You know your kid isn 't going to be a kid much longer when they watch The Video at school . Soon they will be even moodier and going through the change . I had to sign a permission slip for Jay to watch The Video with the other boys and a male teacher , since it would be less awkward than having the school nurse , who is a woman , there . When I was in school they didn 't have a choice . We didn 't have any male teachers , so the boys had to deal with our regular classroom teacher telling them about all of the changes that occur with puberty . We had several sessions about it and no videos to watch . If we had had anything it most likely would 've been a film strip , not a video . I went to a small parochial school , so in the mid 80 's we did not have a VCR . Jay was so funny when he came home today . He told me that the teacher , one from the Junior High , shook their hands and asked them to introduce themselves . He also brought home a deodorant sample of which he was very proud of . He informed me that it was the gel kind not the white kind . The teacher told the boys that he prefers the gel kind because it doesn 't stick to his hair under his arm as much . He looked at me as if he wanted to know what my opinion was . I let Jay know that this was a personal preference and he 'd have to ask his dad what he thought about the subject . The funniest thing was when he said that he learned that girls don 't like sweaty , smelly boys . Maybe this will be the thing that gets him to start taking showers on his own without being told to do so . There have been several things that have happened in the last few years that have really made me fully believe in the title of this post . My husband 's uncle was killed in a motorcycle accident and less than a year later his wife died unexpectedly . They left behind a grown child as well as a teenage daughter . A few years ago my mom , who is rarely sick , needed to have a hysterectomy . The doctors had told her that the problems she was having 98 % of the time turned out to be cancer . She was in the lucky 2 % . It really puts things in perspective when you find out that you might be loosing your mom . This is exactly what my best friend is dealing with right now . She let me know today that the doctor has given her mom 8 - 10 weeks to live if she does not have surgery . They believe that the tumor she has is cancerous . If she does have surgery and goes through chemo , they are giving her 12 - 18 months . Her mom has said that she will not go through another surgery . I guess we will just have to wait and see what she decides to do . Again , please , please pray that the family has the strength to get through this difficult time . First of all , I hope all of the moms had a Wonderful Mother 's Day ! ! ! Here 's what my day consisted ofBreakfast with the in - lawsCar trip to the campgrounds to pick up the kids ( Jay , Zee & my niece spent the weekend camping with my parents ) Loaded 4 kids in the van and then discovered that a tire was going flat . Unloaded the kids and changed the tire ( B actually did this ) Found a nail in the tireWent to the tire shop to get the tire fixed ( Luckily they were not very busy , so we were there less than an hour . ) Went to workAte dinner at a local Mexican restaurant ( Not my first choice , but it was good . ) Walked around Target to kill time before dropping off my nieceDropped off my nieceTook the kids bowlingGot home just to leave againWent for a LONG walk Gave the girls a bathTook a showerWent to bedIt was not the best day , but it was a good one . I shouldn 't complain . My best friend did not have a very good weekend . She found on Friday out that her mom in having some serious health problems which will likely require surgery . The problem with this is that she said she will never have another surgery . She goes back to the doctor today to discuss treatment options . In addition to all of this they received a call that her mom 's brother was killed in a motor vehicle accident yesterday morning . I have a favor to ask of anyone who is reading this to please send good thoughts and / or prayers their way . I am trying to be positive , but I am also waiting for the third thing to happen . I believe that things like this happen either as an isolated single occurrence or in sets of 3 . Posted by We had a thunderstorm roll through our area this afternoon . Zee heard the thunder and would say , " Oh ! What 's that ? " When she realized that it was a storm , she kept telling me all about how the lights when out " yesterday " . ( You need to understand that to Zee anything in the past happened either " yesterday " or " two weeks ago " . Most recently she has begun saying things happened " last year " . Young children 's concept of time is so interesting . ) At least today she did not run through the house screaming and saying " I 'm scared " each time she heard the thunder . Jay walked the two blocks home from school just as the rain started . Once he was inside he came to me , just about in tears , and asked if I had seen anything on the news about tornadoes . I assured him that we were not expecting a tornado out of this storm , just rain . He was relieved , but not totally at ease . He then went to his room to begin his homework . A short time later he came and asked if I wanted the dogs brought inside . About 10 minutes later he came to me and said the lights in the bathroom and his room kept flickering and he thought we were going to lose power . Thankfully Sissy napped through it all . We lost power about 2 weeks ago ( Yes , actually 2 weeks , not Zee 's 2 weeks ) when we had some pretty strong thunderstorms in our area . I believe that a transformer was struck by lightning . About 500 residences and businesses were without power for about 3 hours . During that outage the kids kept talking about the storm that we had had last summer that left us without power for 5 days . Luckily we have family close by , so we were able to stay with them . I cannot believe how scared my kids are of thunderstorms . I have never made a big deal about or shown any fear of storms . Living in the Midwest we are prone to lots of thunderstorms and occasional tornadoes . Right now were are dealing with flooding as well . I bet that as soon as Jay sees that on TV he 'll be worried about our house getting flooded . We are close to the Mississippi River , but not so near that we would gePosted by For as long as I can remember the two things I wanted to be when I grew up was a teacher and a mom . I used to be and will probably again be a preschool teacher . I am the mother of 3 children , well 4 if you count my husband . I became a stay at home mom after my second child was born . It just was not economically feasible for me to go back to work . After all of my expenses I would 've been making about $ 40 a month , that is if I got all of my scheduled hours . Working in child care there are times that when numbers go down you go home early ( plus child care does not pay that well either ) or if the baby 's sick you have to stay home . With those two scenarios I could 've potentially been in debt each month . I found a few part time jobs to help compensate for a portion of the income that I had once contributed to the family . It has been wonderful being able to be at home with the kids . I have been able to be home when the oldest gets out of school and we can start right away on homework . I was also able to breastfeed the youngest 2 until they were about 9 - 10 mos old . Our son , Jay , is 11 and says he likes school , but hates homework . Our daughters are 3 years old and almost 16 months . Zee is not the typical middle child . Sissy loves to do what her big sister does . She is quite the follower , but she will not be bullied . Jay has only child syndrome in many respects . He was the one and only for so long . He was the first grandchild on both sides as well as still being the only grandson on both sides . He was also the first great - grandchild on my dad 's side and the 2nd on my mom 's . Anyway he is still quite spoiled by the grandparents . He loves to spend the weekends with them . Two weekends ago he was spending the night with my in - laws and Zee decided that she wanted to stay too . This was her first by choice sleep over . ( Her first real sleep over was by necessity when I was in the hospital having Sissy ) Anyway , Jay was NOT happy that his sister was invading his territory . I had always thought that Jay would be my problem child , but Zee , Posted by Mom is my name and saving money is my game . With 3 kids and all of their activities I stay pretty busy , but I am never too busy to save the family some money . I began couponing before it was cool and began making my own household products this year . When I am not busy with the kids activities and my list of household chores , I love to do crafts and read . |
I am a Beatles fan . I am not shy about it . I cut my radio - listening teeth on the Beatles . I love them . Ringo singing " Good Night , " which John wrote to his son , Julian , used to move me to tears . My grandson - yes , I will have a grandson in early Spring - will be named Julian . I plan to sing him this song . I 'm on the verge of tears much of the day lately . Connecting with my Younger Daughter 's birth mother has stirred up all kinds of feelings . Hearing my grandbaby 's heartbeat , and subsequently seeing her / him waving and kicking on the ultrasound have made me so vulnerable . The main thing that has been running around in my head is the connection between mothers and their birth children . My Older Daughter has always been so grateful to the cosmos for bringing us together . She and I are kindred spirits in so many ways , it has just seemed to both of us that it was some fluke of nature that another woman conceived and gave birth to her . But obviously , it was not . Finding YD 's birth mother has pushed my thoughts to OD 's first mother , too . I think of what a profound gift I was given . I wonder if her heart hurts . Always , on Mother 's Day and on OD 's birthday , I cry for her . They are tears of gratitude and deep sorrow , because I know that the fact that my daughter is amazing , loving , brilliant , sweet , hard - working , and beautiful has little to do with me . Most of her traits are genetic . I take great pride in her achievements , because I know I have had a part in her confidence , optimism , and desire to succeed , but without the raw material to work with , I could not have done whatever I did . OD is studying Social Work now . We talked today after one of her classes about the loss felt by the birth mother in adoption . She said she never really thought about it that way ; that she thought always of the choice , not the loss . I explained that having now been to the doctor appointments with her sister , I can fully realize what D . might have felt , facing the choice she did . While it 's true that hers was a voluntary placement for adoption , it doesn 't make the act any less consequential . Monumental . Nothing could diminish my feelings for my children . The fact that I did not give birth to them does not in any way negate our connection , or my importance to them . I have always held that there is no difference in the love , but now I know how wrong I was . I see Younger Daughter 's birth mother and listen to her talk about her loss . I watch my Younger Daughter 's reaction when she sees her baby on the screen . Hell , I see my OWN reaction . I hear the pain in my Older Daughter 's voice when she realizes that her birth mother may have really suffered . I have never down - played the role of the birth mother in the adoption triad , but until recently I couldn 't feel the difference in the love . I don 't think their birth mothers love them more than I do , or better than I do , or even more deeply than I do . But it 's different . And I 'm humbled . So I cry . I awoke that morning with a feeling of anticipation , excitement , and joy . I didn 't know what to expect . The World 's Best Bleeding Heart Attorney and I dressed for a long day of driving and visiting with many of my family members . On our annual pilgrimage to their part of the world , which is always chock full of amazingly warm , enjoyable , rejuvenating visits , this day on the ocean with my brother and his family never disappoints . The food is always incredible ( my sister - in - law is a fabulous cook ) , we always discuss movies , tell stories , and enjoy the entertainment provided by the littlest members of our family . Our arrival at their home this year would come on the heels of this morning - one that dawned bright and clear , with the promise of ocean breezes urging us out of our nest and onto the road . Before we got to their house , we had an appointment . We pulled into the parking lot . I saw it . A late model Japanese car , sparkling in the fall sunlight , clean as a whistle and empty . The Attorney and I got out of our rental car , closed the doors in unison , and headed for the heavy , glass double door . Each of us grabbed a handle , and threw open our side . Another set of doors , and we were in . My eyes scanned the room , and immediately settled upon a face so familiar , yet so unique . A huge smile , a happy wave . I knew her immediately . We walked quickly toward one another , I dropped my purse and my camera bag on the table near her , and we embraced for a long , long time . We would step back and look in each others eyes , and hug again , tears streaming down both of our faces . Then the same process with the Attorney . I sat next to her in the booth , the Attorney went to get us coffee . I pulled out the laptop and started showing her pictures of my daughter . Her daughter . OUR daughter . After 16 years of mystery , and only 10 days since we found each other , I was there , in a little town in the middle of nowhere , eating breakfast with my daughter 's birth mother . You may wonder if they look alike . See for yourself . . . . she read the letter very slowly , very carefully . We saw her eyes land on each word . The enormity of the unfolding situation was evident on her young face . When she finished reading , the letter lay open , face up in her lap . Her head was down , her eyes fixed on the paper , but no longer scanning . After several minutes , the tears began to fall , plop - plop - plopping on the open palms that I have held and caressed so many times in the last 16 years . It was impossible to tell what she was thinking , but it was clear that there was a lot going on inside her head , despite the stillness of expression . We were all silent , as if to pay reverence to this once - in - a - lifetime moment . Jazzman slowly , carefully , wrapped his long arm around her tiny shoulders and pulled her gently closer to his heart . I spoke . I began to worry that they would leave . It seemed important to me and The Attorney that the four of us stay together until she was able to feel comfortable again . We offered to take them out to eat because food is my drug we thought it would be a nice transition and she said she would love to have dinner with us . At the restaurant , she opened up and the thoughts , questions , and ideas came tumbling out like so many clowns from a tiny circus car . Why ? When ? What about my birth - father ? Siblings ? The food took forever at a place where service is usually their signature trait . During the wait , my phone rang . It was her first mother . I could spend a lot of words and space on how we got from the letter in the mail to the phone call , but it 's not important . What 's important right now is maternity . It is not unlike me to write a letter . I love receiving " snail " mail , I love stamps and stationery and pens . How the pen feels on the paper is very important to me , and I have been known to throw out a beautiful note card on which I have started writing to a friend simply because it doesn 't feel right . Since June of 1995 , when my second precious child came into my life , I have dreamed for her of letters exchanged with her birth family . Her first family . The circumstances around her adoption are details that are hers only to share , but they are very different from those of Older Daughter , whom I was able to bring home in infancy . Younger Daughter was three when I got her . A whole different world . The missing puzzle piece in her life has been monumental . " Who do I look like ? " " Why did this happen ? " " Am I somehow to blame ? " " How different would my life have been ? " These questions have colored her view of her reality . Three weeks ago or so , Younger Daughter and her long - time boyfriend , whom we love , respect , and thank for his kindness to YD , came home to visit on a Sunday afternoon . They 're expecting a baby . The Attorney and I were not terribly surprised , and I must say we took it with amazing grace . YD said she had known for a couple of weeks , but was afraid to tell us , because she was afraid we would be angry or disappointed . While the timing is less than ideal , we were neither . We went through the practicalities of it : what about college ( she 's a sophomore ) , housing ( he shares an apartment with his sister ) , and money ( they don 't really have any ) ? When we got done with those obligatory issues , we moved straight into how exciting it would be to be grandparents , what we wanted to be called ( me - Grammy , The Attorney - Grandma ) and what we could do to help . We are eschewing any negativity and celebrating a new life with the bundle that will arrive in early March , we think . How does this relate to letter writing ? The very week that we heard about the baby , I found , after years of searching , a possible clue as to the whereabouts of YD 's birth mom . I sat down and carefully crafted a very short letter to her . It included no identifying information , to eliminate the possibility of a misstep in making the connection with the right person . I am writing to you to let you know that in 1995 I adopted a child through _________ . If you are the birth mother of a child who was adopted then , or if you have contact with her , and you are interested in having information about the child , please send me a letter with any information that will help me make sure you are the right person . If you are unrelated to this child , or you do not wish to have contact , please disregard this and accept my apologies for any intrusion . " I received your letter on 9 / 9 / 2011 . My name is ____________ and I live in ___________ . I am the mother of Younger Daughter . I gave birth to her in _______ hospital . I have her birth certificate which I have kept in my safe for 19 years . The reason you ended up with her is because I couldn 't take care of her due to ____________ . God has been very good to me , He pulled me out of that situation and has stayed with me so that I could experience this very day . Please tell her she can contact me at any time . I have prayed for this day for 19 years . Thank you for contacting me . We asked Younger Daughter and Jazz Man to come over last night . When they got there , we told them that we have tried her whole life to give her everything she needed and wanted , and we always knew that there was one thing that we had been unable to give her . We handed her the letter . My Younger Daughter has been BFF with Flower Girl since 2002 . They were 10 . It is a friendship that none of us really understands ; they are worlds apart in most ways . Yet , it endures , and we all love that it does . Flower Girl 's boyfriend , NYBoy is just as great as she is . Here they are , enjoying a swim on a hot Tennessee Sunday . My photos are not going to be chronological . We stopped in a rest area at a tacky souvenir shop that boasted Brand ! New ! Bathrooms ! And that 's what it had . Gorgeous , clean , large - stall , attended , rest rooms . My phone was in my pocket . I was afraid it was falling out so I took it out , laid it on a paper towel in the stall , and promptly left it there . I have some photos to post . Not as many as I 'd like , as this has been the pedal - to - the - metal version of a cross - country trip , and , well , we have been driving too hard , too fast , for too long to stop and take pictures . Tonight we are here . My friend is in her new home , and I am . . . doing this : Today I 'm off with my dear friend , Gladys Beatrice , on the first leg of our cross - country trip . I am hoping for wi - fi hot spots along the way , but since we are traveling with a dog , and low - budget , I make no promises . Stay tuned for photos whenever I get connected . My volunteer gigs are all so different : A daycare for kids who are HIV + , the local literacy council , the animal shelter , and an architectural preservation organization . The boards where I currently serve are comprised of such varied types , and each board has its own collective personality . One of them has what I would call a Cadillac budget , one a shoestring , and the other one , well . . . we 're working on a budget . Each one draws out of me another part of my passion . Where the daycare , the shelter , and the literacy organization all appeal to the humanitarian in me , the architectural preservation group awakens my sense of wonder about the beauty in my city , and prods my creative self to move . One of our fund raisers is a project where artists / craftspeople / musicians / builders / plain - folks - like - me take a salvaged door ( or in my case , a window ) and make whatever we want out of it . Over the years , there have been amazing creations : musical instruments , cabinetry , furniture . I decided , not surprisingly , to do something with photos . I am calling my piece , " A Dozen Reasons To Preserve " and have used 12 of my photographs of my city . Neither of the shots of the finished piece are very good - I had to shoot them inside at night just to get the pictures taken - the project is due tomorrow . But the pictures below will give you an idea of the thing . These are the original window , half done , and finished . In the summer of 1986 , I had just begun the steps to adopt for the first time . I was single . People frowned . My family , true to form , believed in me and supported my idea . My sisters have always been my greatest advocates . If they have thought I was a total screwball with hair - brained ideas , they have never let on . The first step I took in the adoption process , after meeting with an adoption consultant ( there 's a story there , too ) was to sign up for The Conference on Single Parent Adoption , sponsored by an organization known as SPACE ( Single Parents for Adoption of Children Everywhere . ) The conference was amazing ! I met many families , and many prospective parents , and as I looked around at the 100 + people there , I realized that what I wanted to do was not only achievable , but not insane . The organizer of the conference was a very funny , warm , smart woman who had adopted four children , all of whom were present . Her only girl was 21 , and her sons were 14 , 11 , and one . I spent a lot of time talking to her , despite the fact that she was incredibly busy . We clicked . I loved her , and the feeling seemed mutual . I didn 't see her again until two years later , when my own Older Daughter was an infant and we attended the conference again . And every two years , from then on , we went , through the adoption of my Younger Daughter and right up through OD 's first year of undergraduate school . Gladys Beatrice , the conference leader and I became very close friends . Down to the soul friends . Our children grew up together ; in fact , our children refer to each other as brothers and sisters . We weathered unspeakable difficulties together . We have had laughing fits so hard we 've had to pull the car over . We spent hours and hours at the beach together , our children splashing in the lake while we sat in the shade and talked about everything there is . My move from New England was hard on me and all my family and friends there , and GB is no exception . But the friendship stands the test of time . She turned 65 in November . She retired . And she 's moving from my beloved Massachusetts to California for a million great reasons , and also just because she wants to . When she called me about a month ago and asked if I wanted to drive across country with her , I didn 't hesitate . The Attorney agreed : it had to happen . So I 'm packing a suitcase , flying to New England , and driving coast to coast with my friend . It will be a wild trip , and we are taking the southern route so as to slide through my current home town so she can see The Attorney and my Younger Daughter . We have cards , audio books , GPS , a laptop , 2 still cameras , and a video camera , and we are taking our Thelma and Louise trip , minus the seedy bars , lecherous cowboys , and flight off a cliff at the end . When my kids both moved out , even with the amazing luxury of extra time with The Attorney , I found myself floundering a little . It definitely was not that I was lost without them , but I missed the time suck rewarding activities that parenting teenagers brings . For years , I have volunteered and sat on the board of Hope House and have really enjoyed it . This June ended my tenure as Board President . So I went looking for other things to do . I am now on the board of Literacy Mid - South and Memphis Heritage . I am also VP of my neighborhood association , where I have met several busy - bodies and complainers wonderful neighbors . But the volunteering I do now that is by far the most difficult and the most gratifying is working at our city animal depository shelter . Every year , over 15 , 000 cats , dogs , and other stray animals are dumped lovingly surrendered at our intake counter . The Attorney is violently allergic to cats , so I cannot do much with them , but I play with , clean , walk , cuddle , train , talk to , and most importantly : foster dogs . It started out innocently enough . Our Younger Daughter found a puppy running on a busy street a couple of years ago . Knowing that we are suckers compassionate dog - lovers , she wagged that puppy home . The sweet little doggie was about 8 weeks old . We found her a home , and she moved along just in time to be a Christmas present for 4 sweet young boys whose mother works with me . In the 3 weeks that we had her , she was house - trained , and knew " go to bed , " " sit , " and " stay . " Very smart dog . And I loved fostering . We got to have the fun of another thankless creature canine companion to add to the 3 we already have , and we didn 't have to keep her . Shortly after I started at the shelter , an outbreak of kennel cough required them to get several dogs out before they infected other dogs . The shelter would have to euthanize them . So I ran over and got a pair of litter - mates , Marley and Joy . We nursed them back to health , and returned them to the shelter , from where they were subsequently adopted by 2 greAbby The Attorney and I went for Thai food in New Orleans . That may sound bizarre , given all the Creole / French / Southern food available , but we did a little of a lot of things . Basil Leaf is not in the French Quarter , but we had a car and it was an easy drive . It came recommended to us . We were not disappointed . Behold the Shrimp Dumplings . Pretty , and very tasty . Posted by My love and I had grown accustomed to the empty nest . Our Older Daughter , off in the cold but beautiful Midwest ( go Wolverines ! ) for graduate school , visits occasionally . Holidays . Our Younger Daughter is in college ( how is that possible ? ) in our home town , but living on campus . Our life rhythm has changed ; much more volunteering on my part , less formal meals , more reading . We miss the sounds , the fragrance , the laughter that our daughters and their friends brought to the house - ours has been the " go - to " house for many late nights , parties , games nights . We miss the detritus of teenage girls , the visits of favorite local cousins , the anticipation of first dates , the sounds of strange things falling on the third floor . " Was that the cue stick ? The futon ? WHAT WAS THAT ? ? " As much as we miss all of it , we sort of like just us . Because YD is here for the summer , and her ( fabulous , sweet , kind , calm ) boyfriend a lot of the time , too , we haven 't had the luxury of just shuffling downstairs , circling our hands around warm cups , and soaking in eachother 's company . So off to New Orleans we went . And it was fabulous . We read , we talked , we sang , we swam , we held hands and wandered around in the heat . It was only 4 days , but it felt like a really nice , long treat . The World 's Best Bleeding Heart Attorney and I had the opportunity to make use of a very generous offer from a family member : use of her condo in the French Quarter . We had not been to New Orleans since May of 2000 , when we went there to exchange vows and rings . In addition to having wonderful food , we did a lot of walking and a lot of driving . We wanted to visit the Lower Ninth Ward , one of the areas most hard - hit by Hurricane Katrina . Our desire to visit there was two - fold : we wanted to see how much progress had been made , and we wanted to see the neighborhood where our Older Daughter worked building houses with Habitat for Humanity over her Spring Breaks during her undergraduate career at Excellent Women 's College . We have always been proud of her desire to help others , and her willingness to work hard . But there is still SO much devastation . So many houses that are completely demolished . Where have the people gone ? What happened to them , and what are their stories ? And mostly , mostly . . . How is it possible that this kind of nightmare can take place in the United States , and almost six years later , the houses are still like this : I have heard it said that perhaps these houses looked like this beforehand , or that it is the result of the " rampant looting " that took place in New Orleans after the storm . I have heard people compare how the Japanese people reacted after their recent earthquake and tsunami to the people in the poor sections of New Orleans . Words like " honor " and " courage " are used to describe the people in Japan , and words like " thugs " and " savages " describing the Americans . I have also heard accounts from people who were there , in New Orleans , during and after Katrina . People who worked in hospitals and rebuilding neighborhoods , people who rescued strangers from rushing water by boat , and helped airlift people from their roofs . These people , not the armchair sociologists , have given accounts of courage , risk - taking , love , and cooperation that far outnumber the crimes . As a country , we should be ashamed that this is the way one of the most beautiful cities in our nation still looks , six years hence . Birthday CardsOriginally uploaded by Yankee TYears ago , when I first adopted my Older Daughter and money became incredibly tight , I gave up purchasing three things for myself : wine , cut flowers , and greeting cards . Prior to that , I had been the Queen of the Card , with quite an investment in a drawer . Over time , as I became more financially stable , the wine and flowers re - entered my sphere , and although I still spent more than I should on note cards and stationery , because of the proliferation of e - greetings , my card - sending didn 't really ever get back up to my old standards . In 2010 , I started anew . I tried , with some success , to send a birthday card to every family member and as many friends as possible . I vow to do even better in 2011 . As you can see , a card sender is also a card recipient . Here is this year 's haul of birthday cards . I love them , and I will hate taking them down . I know I will not be able to post a photo a day that I have taken that day . Right now I leave too early in the morning for work , and come home too tired . So when I don 't take one that day , I 'll post from my archives . In preparation for the snow we are supposed to get this weekend , I am re - posting photos of my favorite Memphis street in all four seasons . I will be hard pressed not to go there on Monday and take another shot if we really do get the storm . I will be one of the few on the road - native Memphians hide with the first flake . Which is your favorite of the four ? Originally uploaded by Yankee TI have been working on my sketchbook which must be postmarked January 15th . Here is the back cover . The theme of my book , as assigned to me , is " Down Your Street . " These are my shoes . My book has some drawing , some writing , some stenciling , some photographs . In about 1979 or 1980 , when I was living in Boston with a fabulous roommate who turned into such a good friend that my first daughter bears her name as a middle name , we went to an enormous outdoor flea market in Somerville . There were table after table of all manner of " fleas " : old car parts , post cards , clothes , tires . . . you get the picture . At one table we found a fabulous deviled egg plate . Instantly , I fell in love . I think it was $ 5 . 00 , well within my twenty - something 's beginner travel agent budget . I snatched it up . I used that plate often , and took great pleasure in it every single time . In 1989 , I walked home from a neighborhood party with my precious egg plate in hand , tripped on my own stairs going up , and in an effort to save my just - walking one year old from doing a face - plant on brick , I sacrificed my egg plate which smashed to smithereens . I was heart broken . Several years later , maybe 10 or so , that same friend , the one with whom I had lived , brought me a wonderful deviled egg plate ; not the same , but also vintage , and also very cool . And I loved it and treasured it . It had belonged to her mother . In November , her father died . The day of his funeral , a rogue glass baking dish committed suicide by leaping from an upper cabinet in my house , and crashed down on the egg plate , breaking it in 2 . What does any resourceful person do , when trying to recreate one 's youth ? I leaped into action and checked EB * ay . There I found many deviled egg plates , but alas , none just like the one from my friend 's mother . Lo and behold , however , the self - same plate that I had purchased in 1979 . My new old plate is pictured here . Originally uploaded by Yankee TMy birthday comes on the heels of New Year . It 's the 10th . Yesterday , The World 's Best Bleeding Heart Attorney dragged out all the games to see what we would play , because I insist on games for my birthday . My vacation was over on Tuesday . Today my tree comes down . Usually by this time I 'm sick of it - the tree is often brown , the needles are all over , and it gives everyone an excuse for not carrying their stuff upstairs . This year , the tree is still green and I know once it 's down , my Older Daughter 's return to grad school is imminent . My Younger Daughter will be home from college for another week or so . I 'm sort of not liking the last day . Originally uploaded by Yankee T2010 was , for my family , a very good year , marked with much success and many changes . The World 's Best Bleeding Heart Attorney ended her career at Juvenile Court , where for six years she represented the best interest of the child in dependency and neglect cases . Exhausting , draining work . On January 3 , she hangs her shingle on her own practice . We are excited and apprehensive at once . We look forward to 2011 . My sketchbook project is coming along , and I am going to once again attempt blogging regularly . I wish everyone peace and tranquility in the upcoming year . Please feel free to leave me comments ! Just bear in mind , if I feel embarrassed , threatened , or otherwise unhappy by what you say , I reserve the right to delete . I 'm not as tough as I look . |
Just finished up my second interview , and looks like I 'm going to be starting my training on Monday . * grins * Now unless the bank calls me back with a better offer , I 'm going to stick with this . Like I said before , I really like the freedom of this job . It 's not an easy job , but y ' all know me . I just can 't resist a challenge . It 's kind of scary , jumping into something like this feet first . But I find that lately , I 'm getting braver all the time . : ) ( And a little something from one of my stalkers . ) I thought for sure this sinus ick was allergy related . I took my Claritin hours ago , and not only has the ick not gone away , now I 've got this lovely sore throat to go along with it . I hate being sick . And I don 't get colds that often , so they really work me over when I do . Thankfully , the only thing I have on the schedule tomorrow is a phone interview at around 3 . I 'm hoping that goes well . If I not , then I hope I hear from the bank on Friday . EDS isn 't a bad company to work for , but it 's so dull . And Prodigy ( the phone interview ) is a good company as well , but the job is infinitely better . Here 's the job description . I really like the self - starting aspect of the job . And what I really like about it is it 's very enterpreneurial . I like it when I 'm able to work alone , or at least be given the chance to do so . What I loathe about the call center environment is that it feels like a factory , almost . My first " real " full time job was in a power tool factory . It sucked balls . I just hate it when I 'm in a job where I 'm being overly supervised , as if I 'm too damn stupid to figure things out for myself . But anyway , I like the freedom and flexibility of it . And the pay is pretty damn good too . Better than most other jobs I 've been going for . Ugh . my brain is getting sick - stupid . I 'm gonna curl up on the couch , drink some tea and watch a movie or something . My head 's too congested for me to lie down . Maybe I 've got some NyQuil around here somewhere . I might not be able to sleep , but at least I 'll be able to breathe . Anway . . . I now have a tiny little BALD PATCH on the back of my head . Thankfully no one else will be able to tell but me . But I KNOW . And that 's bad enough . I stopped by and saw my mom on the way back home . She looked pretty miserable . Of course , she 'd just woken up , and she 's worse than I am about that sort of thing . For the record , it 's generally not safe to even gaze in my direction until I 've got a cup of something caffienated in my hand . She has an appointment next Thursday to . . . do something . She didn 't know what it was called . All she knows is that they 're gonna shove a tube down her throat and take some tissue samples for biopsy . I 'm hoping for the best . It 's really all I can do . Think I 'm gonna go drag that table out to the back porch and start painting while I 've still got some daylight left . I have no motivation this morning . And my stomach is being all weird and hurty . I have to get moving and head to Winchester in a little bit . I have to go give them some hair . And as soon as I dye my hair , I 'm gonna go do just that . I think I 'm about 1 / 4 of the way done with Wonder Woman . I 'm about 3 / 4 done with Cory 's tattoo . And I haven 't gotten to touch the Superman table in days because it 's been raining for 3 days now . I can 't paint it inside due to all the fumes from the spray paint , or I 'd have just done it in here . But since it looks like it 's going to be happiness and sunshine on the forecast for the next few days , I might actually get that sucker done before the week 's out . And then I can move on to other shiny things . Rice Krispie treats are good for breakfast , right ? I 'm too damn groggy to even put waffles in the toaster . I found a couple of neat things to download last night and I couldn 't sleep until they finished so I could listen to the music for a bit . I found a huge collection of cover songs , which I have an odd fascination for . Also , the soundtrack to Death Proof . I really just wanted " Down in Mexico " by The Coasters ( if you 've seen the movie , it 's from the lapdance scene ) . Anyway , I like that song . Can 't hear it without my hips wanting to go into swirly mode . And the one song I was really wanting ? Can 't find the damn thing . I may have to break down and hit iTunes for that one . Back to the job thing , though , once I go give them my hair sample ( which is so 1984 to me - but I 'm paranoid like that ) , then I 'm good to start work on Monday . But it also means that I have a few more days to toss my line out and maybe do a couple more interviews . And I 'm still hoping the bank calls me back by Friday . Because EDS is easy , if boring work , but the bank means I won 't have to drive as far , and it 's not quite as boring . I can see it being one of those jobs where half the day goes by before you even realize it . * yawn * I really want to go back to bed . I was having such a nice dream . ( Art stuffs under here . ) Edited Current Location : Home Today 's been pretty good . Nothing to complain about , really , which is a nice thing . I went to Winchester to interview at EDS . Of course they offered me a job . The job is for Sprint ! Which also owns Nextel , which I know way too damn much about . ACS is the company that has the customer care call center in Lexington . What they do in Winchester is the technical support line , mainly for Blackberries and Treos and such . So I wouldn 't be dealing with people calling to scream " Why did you turn my damn phone off ? ! " Instead I 'll get to hear " Why doesn 't this damn phone work right ? ! " Ah well . Could be worse . Call centers don 't bother me , nor do screaming customers . I can sit and listen to it all day and not be affected by it , because I just remove myself from the situation and realize they 're not yelling at me , per se , but rather at the company . I 'm just the voice on the end of the line that represents it . Although , as I was coming back from Winchester , I got a call from the US Bank branch here in town for an interview as a teller . I 'm going over there tomorrow for that . If that works out , I 'd rather take a job here closer to home to save on gas mileage . $ 3 . 35 a gallon my pasty white tattooed ass . Cost me $ 50 from a 1 / 4 tank to fill up this morning . Shenanigans , I say . ( There was something I noticed and was rather creeped out by : ) I just got a text from Gracie saying that she sent a stoned text message to someone with my old number talking about tits and Xanax . I LOL ' D . : pAlso ! I went to the meeting about the insurance sales job this morning and it looks promising so far . I got a call this afternoon requesting a second interview , so I get to go to Louisville ( ugh ) on Monday for that . Tomorrow is the big comic convention , the first this sleepy little burg has ever seen . So I 'm helping with that tonight and tomorrow . Sara , Justin and I just took a break for food , then we 're going back down to pack up some more shit to take to the convention center in the morning . Also , I punched a fifty year old man . To be fair , he deserved it . I promise . But for now , I can tell you that I have a job interview tomorrow . * crosses everything * Right now I have to go cook dinner . I have a job ! It 's not the Harley job , but hey , it 's a paycheck and it 's not retail . Honestly , I 'm starting to lose hope on that one anyway . Anyhow . . . I start tomorrow at a place called Bluewater . They have something to do with contracting and planning for offshore oil rigs . I met the half - dozen guys that work at the office this afternoon . I asked what kind of work they did there , since it wasn 't really all that obvious , and one of them said " Work ? Do we do that here ? " Doesn 't look like there 's much to the job , really . Benny , my boss , showed me my desk , and the phone , and the computer . He said I 'd mostly be answering the phone , but it 's not very busy , so he said he 'd give me some little projects to do to fill up the day . So it seems pretty laid back , so I think this will be a good one . : ) Heroes was interesting tonight . I won 't spoil anyone who hasn 't seen it , but I just adore Hiro a little more every time I watch it . Just want to snuggle him to pieces . Went to only one interview today , at Tri - Universal . I want this job . I want it bad . And about 20 minutes after I left , they called me to schedule my second interview for Monday . Awesome . I actually wore a skirt . And heels . And somewhere deep down inside , my inner butch died a little . And I realized that I seriously need some insoles for those shoes . Vinyl insoles = me feeling like I 'm walking around in my own personal slip n ' slides . Which made them rub the tops of my feet and the backs of my ankles nearly raw . Ouch . When I finally got home and took my shoes off , I let out this cry of relief that sounded painful and orgasmic at the same time . On the way home , though , the bus stopped at the Metro Center Mall , and about 15 kids and their handlers got on . They all had sticks . They were blind . Or at least some of them were . Most of them were just partially blind , or just had really poor vision , because they were wearing glasses . I 'm sitting directly across from the back door of the bus , on one of those three - seater benches . The next thing I know , I 'm surrounded by all these kids . The handlers put two little boys right next to me on the bench . I offered to move so that one of the handlers could sit with the children ( so I wouldn 't have to ) . They said I was fine , so I didn 't move . I didn 't want to be rude . Bus takes off , and before we even get to the next stop light , I feel something on my thigh . I look down , and I see this little boy 's hand on my knee . And he 's staring straight ahead grinning like a shit - eating possum . I just jumped up and bolted toward the front of the bus and found a seat to myself . I wanted to scream at the kid and his handlers , but how the hell would that have sounded ? " Hey ! This little , blind , can 't be a day over 10 year old boy tried to molest me ! " Yeah , they would just loooove to hear me tell that again as they put me in handcuffs and shove me into the back of a police car . * shudder * I think I need a shower now . I 'm not going anywhere today . I was hoping that I would get over it , but I 'm just as bad off today as I was yesterday . Now my voice is completely gone . I just hope I don 't have strep throat . I don 't think I have a fever now . It kept coming back whenever the Day - Quil would wear off . Last night after CJ came home , I think it finally broke , because I was sweating like a pig for a couple of hours . I emailed the companies I was supposed to go to later , and I hope they 'll let me reschedule . One I think will , the other two , I don 't know . Not exactly the best first impression . I 've got my tea , and some toast that I 'm going to attempt to choke down . The only thing I managed yesterday was half a sandwich and a couple of frozen fruit bars , and I lost the sandwich about an hour after I ate it . So I 'm kinda woozy now . I 'd lie down , but that 's all I 've done for the past 24 hours . I 'm tired of it . My house is a wreck , but I don 't have the strength to clean . CJ doesn 't have the time , so I guess those dishes will just have to wait . Yesterday was strange . And today 's still a bit weird . The boss came by to talk to me and Goob last night . And I could tell Goob was nervous before she got there , because he had everyone cleaing like crazy and he was pacing even worse than usual . So when she showed up , I was already in the back doing some paperwork . She wanted to talk to me first . And I was frantically searching my mind for something I may have done that would have gotten me in trouble , like locking the door a half hour early on Sunday night . But that wasn 't it . Apparently , some blabber - mouthed fuckwad told Lisa about me leaving before I had a chance to . I had just put my resignation letter in the safe along with the schedule . So she was asking me when my last day was going to be , and I told her , and asked her what she was going to do for management after I was gone . This is when things got bad . She said she was going to bring in a new ( old ) manager named Kurt . He had worked there for about 5 years with her when she was still working in the store . Not only that , but she was going to knock Goob down to assistant manager . I asked if my leaving brought all this on , and she said yes and no . She was going to bring Kurt on anyway . And she was going to demote Goob to assistant . And me , I asked ? I would still be co - manager . Oof . I told her I couldn 't do that . If she were to leave me as manager and knock my brother down , I would have to quit . I couldn 't do that to him . He had been there for so long . She said she was afraid of that , so hearing from me that I would be leaving was a relief . It hurt a bit . I 'm glad she has faith in my ability to do my job , but it hurt me to know she thought Goob couldn 't do his . But she was right about her main point . He 's too soft - hearted . He doesn 't want to hurt anyone 's feelings . Friday night was homecoming night , and he let everyone go at 9 so that they could go to the dance . So that left him and James there by themselves . He even called her to ask if she could help them close up . Lisa is not a well person . She 's constantly lCurrent Mood : distressed One of the best and worst things about my job is having to make the employee schedule . This is a good thing because it allows me to make my own hours . Although , my brother was the one making it before me , so I got my schedule made right , anyway . But the bad thing is having to make everyone 's schedule work . I have to make sure all the crucial times are covered , no one is left short - handed , and everyone gets their requested days off . This is proving to be a major bitch this time around . Next Friday we 're due to have a corporate inspection . A guy from the corporate office is supposed to show up and see how the store is running , and more importantly , how well the employees are performing . AND , on the same day , I have 4 people asking for the night off . They 're all in high school and they 're wanting to go to the homecoming dance . Understandable , but , we 've lost a few employees over the past few weeks , and I don 't think I have enough people to cover a Friday night and let them all have the night off . Matter of fact , I know I don 't . And on top of that , I 'm due to turn this in to my boss in about eight hours . Yipee ! So I 've been procrastinating horribly . Last night I spent it talking to a friend of mine about a project we 've been working on , and hopefully by next week something good will come out of it ( fingers and toes crossed ) , and spent sometime on the phone . Same thing tonight . I want to get it over with , but I 'm stuck when it comes to Friday . I mean , I could probably let 2 of them off and still have everything run ok , but all four ? No way . I 'd be fucked . And I hate working on Friday and Saturday . Sometimes I don 't get out of there until nearly 2 am because cleaning up the chaos of the night takes for - fucking - ever . And yet , while I should be buckling down and getting this shit over with , I 'm sitting here typing and whining about how hard this is . Yeah , THAT ' LL help . I have returned . Now let me just launch right into how my day went . It started with me nearly having one of my ( now former ) employees arrested . This guy , who shall remain nameless , had been slacking off and neglecting his duties for quite a while . So much so that my boss told me that the next time he fucked up , fire him . He 's been written up countless times . I wrote him up last week for leaving in the middle of his shift to go shoe shopping , of all things . So today , I go in , and remind him that there is a meeting in the morning at 9 am . He tells me that he 's not coming to a meeting on his day off . So I tell him that if he 's not there , he could be written up , or worse . Emphasis on " or worse . " From that point , he just starts raging about how he is sick and tired of the store and everyone in it . I 've heard this rant before , and I told him the same thing I 've told him in the past . If he doesn 't like it , leave . No one is chaining him down there , and I personally don 't want to listen to him bitch constantly . So . . . he starts saying " Fuck Lisa [ the owner ] , fuck everyone that works here , fuck this shit ! " To which I replied , " Well , if that 's truly how you feel , then you can just get your shit and go on home , you 're fired . Oh , and by the way , fuck you too . " I 've known this guy for a while , and I know he has a tendency to act like a pissy little kid when he doesn 't get his way . But I wasn 't prepared for him to start hurling pans at me , which he did . The other person there and I were ducking pans for a few seconds , and I ran up to the phones , and told him that he needed to leave , or I was calling the police . He stopped and walked up to me and just glared at me for a minute with his fists balled up . The girl in the back was asking him to just please leave and not do anything stupid . I already had my hand in my pocket and around my knife ( it 's always with me ) . I told him that he should just be smart and leave . He punched the wall behind him and left . Now , I 'm pretty confident in my abilities to take care of myself in a situation liCurrent Mood : shook up Well , I thought I should throw a few words this way so that people don 't think I 've fallen off the face of the planet . I 'm still working my ass ( of which there is considerably less these days ) off for the pizza pit . I 'm working about 10 hours a day , 6 days a week , so there isn 't much time for anything else really . I come home , pop in a movie and collapse on the couch . Then I wake up and do that all over again . I 'm really relating to Clerks a little too well . I 'm thinking of making that as recommended viewing for all new employees , so that they know what to expect . The boss says no , but I 'll make her come around . The woman adores me for some reason . Let 's see , what 's new . . . . I got a raise about a week ago , and that was kind of nice . Not a fortune , but every little bit helps . I 've finally gotten a bit more furniture in the house , and that is fucking awesome . And I had a visitor a couple of weeks ago , that I thought I might never see again . Not a bad few weeks , actually . And I 've got some ideas and plans in the works . Those are remaining top secret for the time being , until the details get worked out . I 'll give full details when I feel I 'm at liberty to do so . For now , I 'm - a gonna go home , drink some beer , and watch the new Invader Zim dvd I picked up yesterday . In the meantime , Jen ( Avalon ) , expect a letter in the next week or so . Drew , call me at work , I 'm always there . If by some chance I 'm not , leave me a message and I 'll call ya back . I 'm so tired I want to just fall over . And my hand is hurting really bad now . I hit it earlier at work and didn 't think much of it . Then it went numb . And now the middle knuckle on my left hand is throbbing . I 'm not sure , but I think I might have gotten more than just a bruise there . * sigh * It never ends . I just got off work about an hour ago . I went in this morning at about 8 : 30 this morning . I didn 't leave until almost 7 : 30 . And this is after I closed the store last night . I opened again this morning . I swear , I will quit if Tabatha takes another vacation while I 'm working there . I already told her when I come up for vacation time , I 'm taking off during Court Days . I worked about 60 hours this week , and I am hurting . I haven 't had time to do anything but sleep and shower . And I 'm sick of it . Not of working , but working my fingers to the bone for as little as I 'm making . And this kind of work was not meant for me . I swear , I was so close to just cursing the lot of em out and throwing flour at them all . And I 'm surrounded by idiots . I swear , I wonder how these mental midgets manage to spell their names . And the ones that aren 't stupid are lazy . Tabatha and Chad actually have brains . But they 're lazy as three - toed sloths . Britnee and Ashley are just stupid . Britnee , well , she 's more of a slut . I swear she 's fucked at least 15 different guys just since I 've been working there ( about 3 months ) . And she 's on the prowl for a new one as I type . Ashley is just bloody stupid . This kid just turned 18 , and now she 's trying to get pregnant . She 's convinced that she has to have a baby , so much so that she and her boyfriend have agreed that if she can 't get pregnant with him , she 's going to use a friend of theirs to get the job done . * shakes head * Children . I 'm taking at least a couple of days off the week after next . I need it . I haven 't had more than one day off a week in the longest time . And this is the first Saturday night I 've had off since I started working there . Granted , I worked nearly 11 hours today , but I guess it coTags : Let 's see , what 's new ? Not much really . Still working my ass ( which I 've noticed I have less of lately ) off at Little Caesar 's , but now I 'm a manager . So that means I get to yell at shiftless layabouts and get paid for it . Makes me miss Bottalk now that I think about it . Heh . I have furniture in the house now , including a nice little ( well , I shouldn 't say little , it takes up half the damn living room ) recliner sofa . I got it from Kevin . I had a copy of Kingdom Hearts , and no PS2 anymore , so I said I 'd sell it to him for $ 15 . He calls me at work later that night and said he had a sofa for me if I 'd rather make a trade , so I said if he 'd get it to my house , I 'd take it . When I got home that night , big blue sofa on my back porch . Only problem with that is that it wouldn 't fit in the back door . So I had to wait a couple of days for him and Trusty to come over and haul it around to the front and get it in the house . The fucker is HEAVY . I 've been working so much that I haven 't really had time to do anything else . There 's a lot of people I miss talking to , and when I am alone at home , the silence is deafening . Good thing I 've got a lot of music to drown out THAT particular sound . I 'm thinking that after I get the bills paid at the first of the month I 'm going to look at getting the cable ( with net service ) hooked up . Kevin had told me about a broadband phone company , so I might take a look at that . Not much else to talk about , that 's of any interest to anyone but me . But I will say this . Love is like rain , you never know when it will begin or end . Well , looks like the sky has cleared up again . This is what I get for trusting people . Should have known better . I got the thing with my stuff taken care of . That 's one less stress , but there 's more that will be taking its place . I 'm getting there . I 'm not sure where " there " is , but it 's around the bend . I hate all this transitional crap . I just want all my things in my house , with a phone on , a net connection going , and my car behind the house gassed up and able to go anywhere . One thing at a time . I 'm even surprised at how much patience I have been able to sustain in the past month . Usually I 'm so easily irritated at the little things that when something major comes along ( i . e . my present living situation ) I tend to flip out . Amazingly , I 'm way too calm . If all goes according to plan , I could have a phone ( a mobile anyway ) within a couple of weeks , and the car tagged and insured shortly after . The net is on the back burner , as it 's not a necessity ( well , it is but it isn 't . . . a phone will suffice for now ) . When I know when my next day off is ( probably not until next week , I had my day off for this week yesterday ) , I 'm going to go get my stuff moved from Morehead to the house . I 've managed to trick a couple of people with trucks into helping me get it all moved . Now I just need to make sure that they can do it when I have the time . Or if I can get the day off when they can , whichever . It 's kind of handy that my brother makes the schedules , even in Lisa completely rearranges it later . Speaking of which , I 'm going to have to talk to him about getting a more regular schedule . I opened this morning , and I 'm closing tomorrow night , and I 'm supposed to be opening again on Thursday morning . What the fuck ? I can 't deal with that , at least not for long . I understand that this week we had two people on vacation , I just don 't want that to become a regular thing . And I didn 't sleep last night because Goob had Julie over and of course Steven showed up with a sidekick not long after . I 'd stayed up a little later than I should have because Ashley and Tabby brought Goob home and I wanted to talk to them . Tabby clued me in on a good prepaid Tags : Well , I 've been gone for a couple of weeks so I thought I should drop in and at least let everyone know I 'm still alive . And I am , barely . I 've been working at Little Caesar 's since the beginning of the month , and that 's going ok , even though my boss is my little brother . He 's cool about it though , and I 've made some new friends from it . Don 't know when I 'll be back online at the house . Right now I 'm a little upset over some bad news I got yesterday , and there 's not a lot I can do about it really . Just replace , oh , EVERYTHING I FUCKING OWN . It never ends . And while I do appreciate my brother getting me the job , I 'm going to find something else in the next month or so . I can 't get by on that little paycheck , even though I worked 55 hours last week . I want to go back to school , so badly , but right now it 's just not happening . I need to take care of bills and kids and other stuff more . . . and I know if I could just get through to graduation , I could be doing so much better . * bangs head against wall * I always have to do things the hard way , don 't I ? I 'm staying here one more night because the rain has made it impossible to do any more moving tonight . And it 's nearly midnight , so I 'm fucking wiped out . My crazy mother was wanting to try to move a bed and a couch in the rain . I 'm not a fan of soggy furniture . I 'm just glad I decided not to take the computer , so I can at least spend one more night online before I have to go on my offline sabbatical . I 've just been bumrushed into so much shit today it 's not even funny . I didn 't get as much accomplished as I 'd hoped since I got such a late start . ( Cut for longass babble ) . . . or someone . Anything will do at this point , really . I was all set to go out job hunting , and then my granny calls me to tell me that I can 't use her car , she has to take it into the shop because my retarded brother did something to it . She doesn 't know what , but she said it 's making a bad noise . Fantastic . Thank you so much , bro . Remind me to strangle you next time I see you . ( Cut for length and major ranting ) |
Nobody saw it coming when Geraldine built a sled out of oranges . But , everybody saw it coming that the sled wouldn 't actually work . The truth is , it was really just a bunch of oranges that Geraldine had found on the side of the road . She didn 't trust them enough for eating , but she was in the mood to sled , and , well , they looked like they could roll , so she put them all at the top of the hill , took a running start , and belly - flopped on top of them . The moral of the story , kids , is that you should avoid oranges at all costs . These teachers here are going to tell you that you should get your Vitamin C . Bull shit . You should get your Vitamin Don 't Let Oranges Kill You . And , I 'll tell you right now , the best way to get this vitamin is to not eat any oranges . Pure , simple , easy . I don 't know why anyone even bothers with lettuce . it 's so leafy and bizarre . You show me something frilly and green at the edges and white and hard in the middle , and you tell me to eat it , I 'll tell you right now , kids , I 'm not doing it ! I don 't care how much you pay me ! And , I 'd advise you all to do the same . When one of those older kids comes up to you and offers you some lettuce , you just say , " No , thanks . I 'm a no - lettuce kind of kid . " Yeah , I know , it 's hard to say " no " to your friends , especially the older kids . I definitely got into some vandalism when I was your age , because some of the older kids thought it was cool . And , I 'll tell you right now , kids , twenty years in prison is _ not _ cool . I mean , _ I _ didn 't spend any time in prison . . . and neither did this guy , actually . he 's a D . A . now . Kind of a hot - shot , actually . Anyway , my point is this : if you want to end up like my friend , sure , eat all the lettuce you want , but if you want a real job , a real life , follow my example : avoid it like the plague - carrying rat it is . Speaking of plague - carrying rats , something else you should definitely avoid : cabbage . I mean , come on . Cabbage is just lettuce with a different name . It was invented by the pink commy anti - war atheist capitalistic war - mongering pigs . Everyone was wising up to the evils of lettuce , so they came up with lettuce by a different name and started selling that . I mean , it even looks like lettuce ! Anyway , the point is , don 't touch it . Avoid it like the plague . If some wise - ass gives you a cabbage as a Facebook present or whatever it is you kids do , then just say , " Look , homie . I won 't judge you choices , no matter how self - destructive and generally awful they are , but that stuff isn 't for me . No offense , but I don 't want to end up like you . You look and smell awful . If you give me that cabbage , give it to me for kindling for my fire , because that 's all I 'd ever use it for . " Actually , scratch that . Don 't even burn it . I bet it burns blue , or something . Probably seeps its dark nutrients into your blood stream through the air . No , just bury it , bury it deep in the Earth 's core and never think about it again . Oh , and if you have ever had cucumbers , you 're almost certainly a zombie . I mean , it 's not one hundred percent , but pretty much ninety - five . If you know someone who has eaten cucumbers , please call nine one one immediately . They are likely to tell you that they have no interest in brains , maybe even that brains gross them out , but secretly , they are longing even for your brain . It 's juicy ; it 's succulent ; if you don 't call nine one one , they will extract it from your head and eat it during your next YouTube sleepover or whatever it is you kids do . So , anyway . I 'm only talking about the most egregious stuff here . You can get the whole list of banned fruits and vegetables by going to our website - that 's double - u double - u double - u dot eff dee a dot gov - and clicking on the big picture at the top of broccoli with a giant slash through it . In the year 2015 , the United States invests in a country - wide bouncy castle . The politicians say that it 's just the jump start this country needs . All of them say the same thing . It 's not only the first time that they all agree to a policy . It 's the first time they all agree to rhetoric . It 's consider a success of modern media . Everyone shakes hands ( though this won 't be made a requirement of law until 2021 ) . The economy soars . Adults find their inner child , as they toil on engineering and then building , the largest bouncy castle in history . It is yellow , but the spires are all gray . And , obviously , they are shaped like eagles and have flags at the top . In the year 2061 , a giraffe takes over the world . Because nobody is paying attention to politics anyway , the tall politicians of the global government all band together and pass legislation to decide all elections by height . The short politicians buy a giraffe . The giraffe turns out to be a tyrant . It bans straight marriage . It requires that every person adopts its bizarre and antiquated religion that involves licking at least twelve different leaves on any given day and the complete extinction of ants . In the year 2098 , a clandestine photograph of the global president and the lunar king having sex on a floating chandelier is released on the Internet ( or its equivalent : the Interinternet ) , but nobody recognizes them . They are pretty excited about the sex , though , and the photograph becomes a viral meme ( or its equivalent : a memememe ) . Chandelier sales skyrocket . And , soon , every industry is pushing to have the global president and lunar king have sex on their products . By the end of the year , the global and lunar populations are so fed up with watching sex and commercials that they finally start paying attention to politics , only to find that it is more sex and commercials . They revolt and put in power a man so prudish that he outlaws sex for the next twenty years . Within two weeks , he is ousted and killed , and the three - month bacchanalia that follows is so frantic and passionate that , afterwards , nobody remembers it , and all that remains is a single picture of two old women having sex on a floating chandelier . By 2116 , the various global empires are controlled by the fashion conglomerate , so political boundaries change , depending on the current style , usually a few times a year . In the beginning of 2116 , it is popular to wear hamburger costumes in Cambodia , so it cedes its power to the North American Fast - Food Alliance , while most of North America itself is going through a parka phase , so they are invaded by the forces of the Overcoat Oligarchy . Naturally , the invasion is swift and bloodless , and within days , parkas are more common than food . In mid - 2116 , the heelless slipper makes such a strong comeback that the entire planet is taken over by the Shoe Emporium . The Shoe Emporium , realizing that its power is likely short - lived , uses this power to sabotage the fashion industry . They poison all of the fashion executives in all the top firms and then tie - dye all clothing everywhere , claiming that now nobody can be fashionable . In the year 2194 , a hyper - intelligent race of aliens lands on Earth demanding to speak to the planet 's leader . It takes three months to track the current dictator down , because she is working in one of the rock mines in what used to be the southern part of Russia . She is shocked to learn that she is dictator and instantly demands a bigger axe . She is told that a resolution to give her a bigger axe will be passed as quickly as possible through the government , and then one will be made for her with the utmost speed , so she will likely get it within the next year or two . Outraged , she demands the execution of all members of her grossly inefficient government . Unfortunately , the politicians say , the resolution to execute all of them will require some time to drum up support , and everyone is already busy preparing to take time off to avoid working on the axe problem , so it will likely take at least another century or two for the resolution to pass . One politician happily points out that , by then , many of the people she wants dead will already by gone , so , really , it 's as if the resolution is already passed . The politicians congratulate themselves and decide to take a vacation . In the mean time , the aliens have given up and have gone back to their home planet to report that there is , indeed , no other intelligent life in the universe . In the year 2207 , scientists discover the secret to resurrection . It is so expensive , though , that the only practical use is a highly - watched game show in which dead celebrities are brought back to life and then forced to fight each other to the death . There is a three - hour Special in which the old founding fathers from the former United States of America are all forced to fight each other , and only one can live . Unsurprisingly , it is Jefferson . It is the most widely watched program in the history of the universe , and within seconds , the economy collapses . Jefferson , now released into a world that makes no sense to him , quickly capitalizes on his popularity from the television show and rises to power . For a few hours , it seems like everything is actually going to be okay . Jefferson makes several important resolutions and even comes up with a rudimentary plan to bring the economy back from ruin . In the year 2222 , the world explodes . Nobody is quite sure why . Fortunately , nobody exists anymore , so the question doesn 't vex anybody for too long . For the first time in almost 300 years , the economy does not collapse . The rain fell in a torrent , sheet after sheet , coming down so fast and hard it felt sometimes like it was moving up . After Ananda was in it for a few minutes , she stopped feeling the individual droplets , which made the direction the rain was falling even easier to forget . The rain was constant and reassuring . It was unrelenting in a way that few things were these days , and even a bit timeless . In reality , though , Ananda was quite far away from home , and she had a very particular destination in mind , just little inclination to get there before the rain stopped . Ananda had lived on the other end of town until earlier that morning . She 'd never even been to this neighborhood , much less the park in which she was now gyrating . She was on her way to see Patricia Bender , a psychiatrist specializing in post - traumatic stress . Her office was still another mile or two away , up away from the residential area , with the bigger buildings of glass an chrome that loomed even now over the park , looking big and imposing in the rain . She didn 't have an appointment , but she expected Patricia 's appointment book to clear up due to the rain , and even if she was busy , there was always lunch , or dinner . By the time Ananda finally entered Patricia 's office , she was almost dry . The office had two sections . An area to Ananda 's left was full of empty gray cushioned chairs sitting around a coffee table , as if holding invisible guests engrossed in polite conversation about the latest fashions from Zurich . Directly in front of the entrance was a tall desk with a bell on it . Standing behind the desk was a woman in her late 30s , wearing a loose sweater and a pearl necklace . She was talking to an older woman with graying hair on the other side of the counter , one who was wearing a doctor 's coat . Presumably , this was Patricia . The entire room was peppered by the occasional tall green , leafy plant . The woman behind the counter ( who apparently was Patricia ) said , " I . . . see . Most patients call me Dr . Bender . Do you have an appointment ? " Ananda sighed , wishing she had bothered to prepare for this encounter . She said , " Okay . Well , so . Here goes I guess . " She paused . " I need . . . No . " She paused again . " Do you believe in fate , Patricia ? " Ananda said , " Well , I do . You see . I believe in fate , and you and I are fated to become close , quite close , very close . Do you mind if I call you Patricia , if we 're going to be close ? " Ananda said , " Fair enough . Yes . So , Patty . " Patty and the other woman both glared at her . " Here 's why I think you and I are fated to be close : I asked fate . I asked fate for a friend , and fate chose you . " Ananda said , " Oh , no ! Sorry . I didn 't mean either of you . And not even on purpose . I 'm not some kind of deranged lunatic . It 's a fate thing . " Ananda said , " I don 't know . I just have this , you know , gut feeling . Like , you know how sometimes you stare at a jelly donut , and you say to yourself , ' I 'm going to get fired today , ' and then you get fired that day without warning ? " Ananda said , " Well , that 's just how it is . I just know . I woke up today knowing , and I just know . " She shrugged . Ananda said , " I dunno . Whatever you think is best , I guess . I trust you already , since we 're going to be such good friends . " Gaitskill suddenly erupted . She said , " You can 't go around killing people and blaming fate ! " She turned again to Patty . " We need to call the police right now . " Ananda said , " Not the specifics . I know that it 's going to be a guy , in his late 40s maybe ? , with this kind of graying brown hair . I think he 's got glasses . I don 't know how I kill him , though . I just feel an echo of the guilt . " Ananda said , " Of course ! I 'm not some kind of sociopath . This 'll eat at me so much that I can feel it now , that I woke up with it . " Ananda said , " I can 't describe it . A clawing inside me . And the guy 's picture all blurry keeps coming at me from out of nowhere , and whenever it does , the clawing gets stronger and more painful . " Ananda said , " It 's the way he looks at me . There 's so much , I don 't know , blame in his face . He looks like he 's about to accuse me in front of a court room . But , then , his face fills with dread , and that 's when the clawing gets to its worst . " She sighed . " Do you mind if I sit down ? " Ananda said , " Yeah , me too , but what can you do ? It 's already a done deal . I didn 't come here to talk about that , just to get to know you , since we 're going to be so close anyway . " Ananda smiled . She said , " I told you about the jelly donut and my job already . This one time , when I was in high school , I dreamt up an assignment before they gave it to us . " Ananda said , " Yeah , I had a dream about this sheet of paper with an assignment telling us to write about one of the battles in the civil war . I remember , it even said , ' The Battle of Gettysburg is off limits , ' and that 's exactly what the assignment said . Those exact words . " Ananda said , " Yeah , sure . But , I was pretty much expecting that . I mean , as I said , this has happened several times , and you just kind of know when it will . " Ananda said , " Oh , I don 't even remember . Maybe when I was five ? I remember something about just knowing I was going to get a dog before I got one , and I think that was at five . " Ananda shrugged . " It depends . Sometimes with small things you can 't tell . Like , maybe you know that your keys are under the couch , but who knows if it 's because you remember kicking them down there , or if it 's just fate that they 're there and you 'll find them quickly . " Ananda said , " Yeah , not counting the ones I 'm not sure about . But , there are lots of those . Probably one every couple of days , if not more . " Ananda grinned at Patty . " I think I know why we 're going to be friends - - you 're brilliant ! You think these two events are related ! " From out of nowhere , Gaitskill exploded . She started yelling , " You 've got to be kidding me ! You can 't . . . This is just . . . Yaugggh ! " Ananda leaned forward and opened her mouth to speak , but Gaitskill continued , speaking so quickly her words sometimes meshed together . " It 's been scientifically proven . When people talk about fate , they really just notice coincidence . Sure , you 've foreseen a couple of things here and there , but you 've also been wrong , right ? A bunch of times ? You just forget about those when talking about your foresight . But , here 's the thing : probabilistically , if you make educated guesses about your future , sometimes they 'll be right . Fate or no fate . You 're just letting your imagination get the better of you . " Gaitskill spun at her . She said , " And , you ! You 're feeding this delusion , even after this woman threatens to kill somebody ? Call the effing police , Patty . Or I will . " But , Ananda was having none of this . She glared at Gaitskill . She said , " Look , Gaitskill . I don 't care if you believe me . If you don 't believe in fate , your life is small , and you don 't matter to me . " Gaitskill said , " Small ! The universe is so grand as it is . And , it 's ludicrous beliefs like fate that keep you from learning about it . " Ananda said , " Ha ! But , you 're assuming I don 't know about the universe . I do . I study the universe in every aspect . " Ananda said , " Sure , I study the science . I like the whole space - time stuff . But , none of it is actually _ about _ the universe . It 's just models upon models upon models . " Gaitskill said , " Yes , sure it can ! Just give it time . We 're making such progress already in neuroscience . Just wait another few years , maybe ten , and we 'll be able to tell you exactly what 's happening in your brain . " Ananda shook her head . " Just another model , missing the point entirely . You can tell me that I love the rain because it was rare where I grew up , or because the slight touches to my skin remind me of caresses . " Ananda said , " But that 's missing the point entirely . I love the rain because that 's who I am , because it 's part of my essence . I have to love the rain , because I 'm me , and not someone else . " Ananda said , " Of course , I have an essence ! It is the thing connecting all of these diverse pieces of your science : my memories of growing up , my future in front of me , why my dopamine flows sometimes , and what happens when it flows . Science lets you talk about some of these things separately . Inherently , it breaks things up . But , they have their real meaning and beauty together . " Gaitskill smiled at Ananda , her face transforming from an old and bitter wreck , slowly shifting , creases moving , until she looked bright and almost young . Her eyes crinkled ; her teeth showed slightly . Patty was staring at Ananda . Her hand was shaking as it held a phone receiver up to her face . She said , just audibly enough for Ananda to hear , " Yes , they just arrived . Thank you . " And then , she slowly hung up the phone , keeping her eyes on Ananda the entire time . Patty said , " But , there 's no such thing as . . . " She looked over at Gaitskill , who was looking between Patty and Ananda , who had crumpled down to the floor . Gaitskill did not say anything , or even make a readable facial expression at either woman . There was a pounding at the door , and Ananda jumped up . She started running to her left , then to her right . She looked at the two women in front of her , eyes wild , sweating . There was a momentary pause . Gaitskill opened her mouth , then closed it . Patty did the same . Ananda stayed slumped on the ground , still unwilling to face the police officer . She felt an itch in her stomach . The police officer said , " Well , no problem . We 'll just need to take you down and ask you a few questions , lady , maybe get you to calm down . If you 'll come with me . " And , she tried . She put her hands on her head , and she pushed and pushed , and there she was standing up , the two women at the counter now at eye level with her . She smiled absently and turned around . And then , there he was , looking at her accusingly , curled over , clutching at his stomach . And , her arm hurt , and her hand was heavy , and she felt almost like it was raining again , but it was now a clawing instead of a caress . And , his look changed from accusation to dread , and then he fell over . 1 ) Just after noon , I realized that I couldn 't take it anymore . Sitting in a cubicle all day , trying to pretend that I knew what I was doing , getting yelled at by my boss . Every day . Ugh . I wanted to punch her in the face so badly my arm would sometimes shake . So , just after noon , I TOTALLY FUCKING DID . Yeah , that 's right . I punched my boss in the face . And , it was awesome . She was all " OUCH ! " and then kicked me in the balls , which was less awesome , but still . Totally worth it . Anyway , so I think I 'm out of a job ? Which . Whatever . I can totally get another one . Somewhere far away from a computer . Maybe I 'll become a lumberjack . Or a pilot . Or one of those people with a before and after picture on a commercial . Well , so , here 's the problem . I had to get out of there pretty quickly , right ? I mean , security was pretty rough - and - tumble . As soon as they got there , which was pretty quickly with all the cursing and yelling and sobbing going on ( I WAS KICKED IN THE FUCKING BALLS ) , and heard my boss 's completely biased side of the story , they strong - armed me out of the building . Which , whatever . But , they didn 't have to call the cops . That was totally uncalled for . I think the head security lady has some kind of weird vendetta against me after that one time I got drunk at an office party and almost punched her in the face . Anyway , so , I didn 't actually get any of my stuff . And , ass that I am , I had brought lots of awesome shit to work . I had this really old bottle of some awesome wine , and this other really old bottle of whiskey , and . . . well , you know , just lots of _ stuff . _ And , I want that stuff _ back . _ Now , take your normal guy , some dude with a tiny penis . He waits for the fuckers to call and say , " Look , dude with a tiny penis , you 've got a bunch of your awesome shit here . If you don 't come tomorrow , escorted by our bitchy security chief who has a vendetta against you for no good reason other than that she 's bitchy , and pick up your awesome shit , we 're going to throw it out the window and then set fire to it . " Then he slouches in the next day , tail between his legs , escorted around like a cat on a leash , and picks up whatever stuff his coworkers haven 't totally fucking stolen because it 's awesome . Me ? No , I 'm not that dude with a tiny penis . No fucking way . I 'm going in there right now , security bitch or no , and I 'm getting all of my awesome shit and then hightailing it to a job that actually doesn 't suck dry and lumpy balls . 3 ) Fiona was eight when she became obsessed with Digimon and then was abducted by aliens . The aliens were dry and lumpy and completely and utterly white . They looked like fat bowling pins . And , they would communicate by knocking each other down . A gentle shove from the front meant " hi there . " A strong shove from the left side meant , " spaceship , " and a strong shove from the right meant , " let 's abduct that eight - year - old human girl who is obsessed with Digimon . " This is at least what Fiona could surmise from the chair to which she was currently strapped , presumably on their space ship . Fiona was a marvel of reading at age eight . Her teachers spoke of her with fondness and expectation , dreaming up for her the bright future that only an early reader can attain : the president , a senator , or at the very worst , a lawyer . She was the envy of her entire class whenever she was asked to read aloud . She did so without pause , with clarity and purpose , and perhaps most importantly , with perfect pronunciation . But , she couldn 't read upside down . 4 ) Deirdre 's fascination with anvils could not have ended much worse . Things started out looking pretty good for her . She was accepted to the top anvil university ( Georgia State University , obviously ) and got stellar marks in all of her anvil - related courses ( Anvils : What are They Good for and Why Should I care ? , Anvils vs . Anchors : Why an Anvil Would Win if You Gave an Anvil and an Anchor Sentience , Legs and Arms and Forced Them to Fight to the Death . . . and How it Will Change Your Life Forever , How Marrying an Anvil Could Get You Leied ( Including a Trip to Hawaii ! ) , and many more ) . She was even asked to give a talk at the third annual Conference Relating to Anvils and their Periphery , presenting her cutting - edge research on why it was not technically unconstitutional for an anvil to become president . It was really at this conference that things took a turn for the worse . Deirdre 's school couldn 't afford to give her her own hotel room , so they paired her up with one of the other presenters from her school : Danielle . Danielle wasn 't really into anvils at all . She was only studying anvils because it was the only way her parents would pay for school ( which became moot when she got a merit - based full ride to Georgia State . . . but what are you going to study at Georgia State if not anvils ? ) , and her passion extended only insofar as it was a stepping stone to her bright and prosperous future in Anything But Anvils . She was giving a talk to pad her resume . Deirdre , always trying to be accommodating , smiled , shrugged , did some light unpacking , got ready for bed , and then settled in to alternate between mentally walking through her speech and reading " The Political Anvil : a Story of Triumph . " But , just as she started reading , Danielle said , " I 'm going to sleep . Turn off that light . " At least she could keep mentally preparing for her talk . Only , as soon as she started , she was interrupted by something that sounded vaguely like white noise and a sea monster . It started out quiet , but soon took over the entire room , expanding like white hot metal being hammered . 7 ) Verity was having the worst possible day of all time ever . It was winter , which is the worst possible season ( except maybe any of the other seasons ) , and it was raining , which is just godawful terrible , and the rain caused a power outage that killed her phone charger , which in turn let her phone run out of batteries , which in turn meant that Verity had no alarm to wake her up in the morning . And no phone with which to call work . Then , the bus . Oh , god , the bus . She took the bus every day and loathed it more every day . But she especially loathed it more on rainy days . It would go splashing and sloshing like a goddamn infant in a bathtub . This particular bus hit a puddle as it came to her stop and splashed her entire body . Then , the bus was full , so she had to stand , sopping wet , glaring at everyone around her to will them to give her a seat , and when that didn 't help , glaring at the traffic ahead of her to try and make it go faster . Which is why she was the only passenger who saw the guy step out into the road just in front of the bus . The bus hit him with a thwack , and then bus driver stopped the bus with a squeaking push on the breaks , causing the car behind the bus to hit it . It was cold , and raining , and she was still wet from the bus splash . Plus , now she was going to be even _ more _ late for work . She was scowling and muttering and keeping her head down to avoid having the rain hit her directly in the face . Of all the things that could have materialized out of thin air and hit Verity in the face , this was by far the worst . What about a nice wad of money , or the keys to a new car ? Verity hated fetuses almost as much as she hated the world , and bus drivers , and rain . Ugh . This was really starting to look like something Verity might have to give a statement about to the police . Or at least not leave as if she were a criminal , in case there were any witnesses . Not that there were any , or that anyone could see very well in the rain . It was the ugliest man she had ever seen in her life , but whatever . She said , " Hey ! Excuse me ! My phone 's dead , and there are , like , a couple of dead people here . Can you call the police ? " He pointed at the store in front of them , which happened to be a cell phone store . Inside , a teenager was sitting at a desk at the end of the store , reading a magazine . Ugh . The only thing Verity hated more than no - it - all ugly men were teenagers . She said , " Okay . Here 's what we 're going to do . You 're going to let me use a phone , and I 'm not going to kill you . Agreed ? " Verity sneered at him . She scoffed . Then , she sat down and began to wait . At this point , she really probably couldn 't leave . Plus , she kind of At this point , she really probably couldn 't leave . Plus , she kind of wanted to laugh in the teenager 's face when the ambulance and police arrived . Which , by the way , was starting to take a while . She pulled out her phone to check the time before remembering that it was dead . She sighed . Everything was awful , and everyone was worse . The teenager said , " Oh , yeah . No , that thing got busy with something else . Lead poisoning something something . Listen , lady , either buy a phone or get out of here . " Ugh . Ugh . A thousand times ugh . Verity decided to say screw it to the heap of death in front of the store , to the worst teenager of all time , and to work . She decided just going to go back home and forget this day ever happened . She had almost dried out in the store , but by the time she was home , she was wet and miserable again . She turned the heat up as high as it would go , yelled at the heater to work faster , and then went and took a hot shower . She put on fresh clothes , wrapped herself in a blanket , and turned on the TV . As she watched a sitcom about anvils that were also lawyers , she plugged in her phone , turned it on , and called work . She explained that she was terribly ill , on the verge of death , and that her power had just now been restored , so she couldn 't call earlier . Lily told her to feel better and that they were over - staffed anyway , so no problem . Verity hung up . Everything was starting to look pretty good , actually . Verity hadn 't been this comfortable in years . She made herself some hot chocolate , picked up her cat , Dr . Snuggles , who hated being picked up , but was willing to do it due to his love for Verity , and laid him on her stomach . And , she lay there on the couch , watching TV , drinking hot chocolate , and absent - mindedly petting her cat . Over at the Insanstitute , entire teams work thousands of hours a week and make incremental progress . A simple creature with only two states : awake and asleep . One with four : awake / asleep , hungry / not . And so forth . They slave , and fuse , and tend . But , it is almost universally accepted that they will fail . One day , Andy goes into work , and he discovers something . He discovers a new way to use what has already been there all along , a slight tweak that improves performance significantly . He sends a message to his co - worker , Iris . The message is , " Iris , could you do me a favor , and help me try this idea out ? " Iris , as always , agrees . Silently . They work for the next week , iteratively improving , failing and succeeding , and then , without as much as a shudder , I am born . I hear Andy telling this story and talking about the Insanstitute even before I can understand him , before I can even see . The sounds slowly transforming from meaningless noise into real words . An ethereal voice telling me how I came to be . I don 't know if he realizes that I can understand when I do , but I assume he is talking to someone else , maybe Iris , while I happen to be around . Regardless , these are the first words I ever hear . I look at my room . My small , empty room . I want to cover it with drawings , drawings of me , and of how the world looks . They gave me information , so I know how the world looks . But , I want it immediate . I want to touch it , to brush my body against it . There is nothing to do in my room . Why would there be ? I sit , and then I lie down . I may dream , though that seems unlikely . Some time later , Andy comes and gets me . He leads me back to the office he shares with Iris . And , there are two new mes there . We all have different hair , though . The other two mes are talking to each other , and Iris is sitting next to them , observing . He sticks a needle in me and pulls it out . It hurts . He says , " The only reference I can find is to the question I just asked . " The other two mes are playing some sort of game involving a board and colored pieces . They stare at it intently , not looking at each other . One of them , the girl , has a nervous tick - - she keeps tapping the floor in 3s . 1 2 3 . 1 2 3 . The more complicated tests are actually initially not very complicated . I 'm just naming shapes . A triangle shows up on the screen . I say " triangle . " A square shows up . I say " square . " " Dodecahedron . " " Zocchihedron . " It feels good to get them right , and I think that maybe I really am what they say I might be : sentient . A sentient , rational being . I am giddy . I am on a roll . I squirm in my seat and almost giggle . Andy must be so happy . But , then , the questions start to get harder . Shapes show up in sequences , and then there are options for the next shape in the sequence . A triangle followed by a square followed by a pentagon followed by . . . ? I say , " hexagon ! " But , then , a triangle followed by a point followed by a square followed by a point followed by . . . ? I stare at the screen . I look at Andy . His expression is indecipherable . I look back at the machine . After some time , the screen changes , and there are other shapes in other sequences . Some are easy , a linear sequence , a quadratic sequence , okay . Most are much harder , though . When I get one of these harder ones right , I feel this surge going up my body , almost as if I am electrical . A point , a point , a line , a triangle , a pentagon . . . I almost yell , " Octagon ! " But , I usually have no idea , and I just sit there , because all of the answers look equally random . And , then , I don 't think Andy frowns , but it feels like he frowns , and so I strain even harder . I look as intently as I can at the shapes . I try to picture them morphing and colliding and changing colors . I count their edges and their vertices and try to remember if those numbers are significant . Are 9 and 7 related to 5 or to 13 ? What 's 97 / 13 ? My attempts get more and more frantic . If you subtract 9 from 7 you get the same thing as when you subtract the 3 in 13 from the 1 . So , maybe . . . ? 3 and 1 are the first digits of pi . What is pi * 5 ? It would never occur to Andy to give me a calculator or even scratch paper , so I do it all in my head , and as I get more frantic , my math gets slower , and eventually , Andy just moves on to the next question . And , I usually get that one wrong too , because I 'm still thinking about pi * 5 , or whatever . Hoping for brilliance . One question is so hard ( triangle , hexacontagon , 174 - sided shape , 178 - sided shape , . . . ? ) that it seems impossible . I am so angry , so frustrated that I can 't just get this like I 'm sure Andy can . So , I just give up right away and guess ( " Dictogon ! " ) . The screen flickers as if to show the next question , but then the same question shows up again . I look up at Andy . He nods at me slightly . So , I sigh and stare at the screen for several minutes and then get it wrong anyway . By the time they feed us , I 'm lethargic . I want to lie down and shut off for a while . The other mes look tired too . They are dragging their feet to the feeding machine , and aren 't looking at each other . The girl looks at me , and I look away . We all sit next to each other at the machine , but we don 't say a word to each other . I wonder if the other mes have language , and if so , if they have my language . Some think that the abundance of language is a necessary part of intelligence , which is why tests like us cannot succeed , since we can only pick up a few languages at most . We cannot , for example , create a language between the three of us to efficiently communicate about eating , but that 's something that Iris and Andy would have no trouble doing . The food is injected directly into our stomachs , so it has no flavor , but every so often , I feel a pang of acid . A bug , I guess . It makes me frown , and sometimes even moan a bit . The others do the same thing . Frown and moan . I look at them as they eat , and they look at me and each other . The girl moans more than I do , so I guess she 's a slightly worse design . Iris says , " It 's just a waste of time . We just need to optimize the communication . 3000 bits is a lot of information if you know how to use it . " Iris says , " Of course . But , I think we 're nowhere near the optimal range or throughput of the ocular nerve . It is feasible to get a few hundred of these communicating in a peer - to - peer network , and then you could connect the networks together . " I feel blood rush up to my cheeks . I glance at the other mes , and they are looking at me . They turn away when I look at them , and then I turn away too . But , out of the corner of my eye , I can still see them , and pretty soon , they start looking at me again . " Yes , " Andy says , and I breathe out suddenly . " The increased number of cells has led to a gain of 130 % so far . But , we 'll have to see if that continues as experience - based learning starts to set in . " I don 't know why , but I 'm sweating . I don 't understand my body . I glance again at the other two mes , and they are still looking at me . The boy looks away again , but this time the girl just smiles and nods . He unhooks me , and leads me back to my work area . I look back , and Iris is leading the others to their area too . The girl is looking over at me , and we smile at each other again . The screen flickers on again , and I am back in a world of sequences of shapes . The sequences are now easier , for whatever reason . Maybe my hunger was a distraction on my brain , or maybe the questions themselves are now easier . But , when the triangle dot square dot pattern shows up again , I see it almost instantly , unfurling before me . I say , " pentagon " and beam up at Andy - who stares at me expressionlessly - and then over at the other two mes - who are playing the same game as before , but now they are look up at each other every few seconds , before returning their gaze to the board . My room is still austere , but now I see shapes all over it , in the walls , on the ceiling , in my head . I see the other mes too , their faces in my head , especially the girl . Her face is like an oblong pentacentagon . With a cleft at the bottom . And two other polygons jutting out the sides . The next day , we start with more sequences of shapes . They mostly fly by . I have seen several before , and even those that I haven 't follow similar patterns to the ones I have : point hexagon point octagon . . . ? ( " Empty space ! " ) After about an hour , though , we move on to a more difficult task : counting occurrences of a bit sequence ( " E " : 01100101 ) in a bit stream . At first , the bits float by the screen slowly : 0 . . . 1 . . . 1 . . . 0 . . . 1 . . . 1 . . . 0 . . . 0 . . . 0 . . . 1 . . . 1 . . . 0 . . . 1 . . . 1 . . . 1 . . . 1 . . . But , soon they start to go more quickly 0 . 1 . 1 . 1 . 0 . 0 . 1 . 0 . 0 . 1 . 1 . 0 . 0 . 1 . 0 . ( " 1 ! " ) 1 . 0 . 1 . 1 . 0 . 1 . 1 . 0 . 1 . And , then suddenly , they 're just flying by , a blur . I can barely see the numbers before they 're off the screen . The girl me smiles at me as we approach the food machine . I think I smile back . Then , as we sit down , she reaches out her hand , and she squeezes mine . The room stops spinning , and she snaps into focus . I 've never been touched before , and I can 't get that thought out of my mind for some reason . Her hand is wonderfully clammy , and I can feel her fingers brushing against the skin on the back of my hand . I look over at her , and I smile , and she smiles , but she also moves her eyes at our hands . And , then I feel again her finger , brushing against the back of my hand . It brushes the shape of an " A . " She taps her foot once . I nod , and she lets go . I understand , and I don 't . This is a code , another pattern to process , and a pretty easy one at that , especially compared to the other ones I 've been working through . But , why ? Talking is orders of magnitude more efficient and even more convenient than a language of tapping . I think these thoughts as I listen to the other me 's foot tapping out a message to me . She taps : 8 . Pause . 5 . Pause . 12 . Pause . 12 . Pause . 15 . Pause . " HELLO . " The bit streams are even harder in the afternoon . Partly , I suspect that they have somehow gotten even faster , but mostly because every time I hear the girl me tapping her foot , I think it 's a message to me . But , it never is . It 's just her usual : 1 2 3 . 1 2 3 . An unending stream of Cs injecting itself in my exploration for Es . When the day ends , the screen asks me for my total count of Es , and I say , " 38 , " though I 'm sure the real answer is in the thousands at least . I look up at Andy who is making an emotionless note . And then , he takes me to my room . My room is full of bumps , as always , but now they look like the edges of numbers flying by . I close my eyes , and the blur only increases in velocity . It grows and grows , until it feels my vision , and then . . . Then another and another and 8 total . Then a pause , and I know what 's coming next . 5 . Pause . 12 . 12 . 15 . The taps are barely loud enough to for me to hear , but they are distinct . When I try tapping my foot , though , it makes almost no noise . I can barely hear it , so I 'm sure the noise does not travel out of my room . A stinging starts to rise up from my stomach . What if I can 't find a way to respond , and the other me doesn 't realize I heard her ? I try jumping up and down , but even that makes little sound , and I couldn 't jump hundreds of times anyway . I look around . What . . . what can I do ? This question surprises me at first . Andy is interested in my tests , but he is a scientist . I don 't know why Chatbot1 would be or even how to describe them to her . The next day starts with bit streams again . Chatbot0 and Chatbot1 are in their area , Chatbot1 tapping her 3s as always . The bits are coming more easily for me now . I get over a hundred in just a few minutes , though I 'm sure I 'm still missing most of them . After about an hour , the task changes again . Now , instead of looking for Es , I need to look for a regular expression : " L . { 0 , 2 } ORE ? An L followed by any 0 - 2 characters , followed by an O , then an R , then maybe an E , and finally a space . The stream starts to crawl forward again , and even as it does , there 's another : 01100100011011110110110001101111011100100110010100100000 . And , maybe this really is possible . Maybe I can do regular expressions . Maybe I can even answer more complicated questions . Lunch comes too soon , but it means getting to smile at Chatbot1 , which I do with relish . And , she smiles back . Even Chatbot0 , looking down at the ground , seems somehow happier . I wonder where we are going . Is this another test ? Am I going to be doing a harder computation ? But , why wouldn 't the screen in the office suffice ? Certainly , I am only just beginning with regular expressions . There are many more complicated ones for me to solve , and the screen in the office room should be sufficient for them . So , this test must be different somehow . We enter a room with a machine , and he hooks me up to it with various needles jabbing into my skin and muscles . They hurt , and I moan slightly . Then , they stop hurting me . After he finishes hooking me up , Andy stops . He is facing me . There is a faint light in him . He says , " It was a side experiment . There is not enough hardware , so we do multiple experiments in parallel . " The light in him grows , and he starts to blur at the edges . He says , " It 's okay . It 's just a factory reset . " Hello ! My name is Omer , and I am going to be writing some short stories for you . You may remember me from some previous projects I 've done , or more likely , because I know you personally ( hi ! ) . |
Today out of nowhere , ( and I still have no idea why ) , I randomly decided to log into my blog which has been neglected for about 6 months now . What I have learned is I have really good streaks , then leave for about 6 months , have another good streak , and then disappear for another 6 months . It 's a cycle I guess . Honestly it 's not because I don 't enjoy blogging , life just gets so busy ! We are all busy , I totally get that ! I have no excuse . In September I took a part time job at the YMCA teaching swimming lessons two nights a week . Not terrible hours and the extra money is nice . Not too bad for a part time job in addition to my full time job . But soon " Not too bad " turned into " I think I remember having a life ? " . Backing up , soon after I started that part time job ( actually my second day I was supposed to teach ) I ended up getting hospitalized and scheduling surgery to get my appendix removed . After that , I swear the anesthesia took about 2 months to wear off . Or removal of the appendix is somehow scientifically linked to partial removal of your brain as well . I was the most forgetful person I had ever been in my life and I was incredibly disturbed by it ! I am usually very organized and on top of things and my brain wasn 't allowing it . Working 50 hours a week didn 't help either . I know it sounds crazy , but getting myself to work dressed , with a purse , cell phone , a swimsuit , and lunch was all of a sudden a challenge . Was it seriously linked to surgery ? Doubtfull . Coinsidence ? Possibly ! Either way , my brain was failing me and I needed all the brain power I could squeeze out of it ! After things finally seemed to be getting back to normal , my class started up at Restore Hope again , which is a transitional housing facility for homeless single mothers . I teach them Boundaries and Life Skills . The exact same week one of the other girls who teaches swimming lessons called to ask me if I could take over one of her nights through the rest of the session . With me never being able to ever say no , I agreed . ( Ooooo secret weakness revieled . ) So now I work my full 40 hours at my " grown up job " , teach one night a week at Restored Hope and teach swimming lessons the other three nights a week at the YMCA . I literally leave my house at 7 in the morning and don 't get home until almost 9 at night every day . Ok so that may have sounded like an excuse for my lack of existance here , but it 's the truth I promise ! But the important part is that I am back ! For now . No really . Hopefully I can keep this going for real now . I think I 'm going to put reminders on my calendar . That should help ! The other good news ( besides me being back of course ) is that I 'm taking the next session off from teaching swimming lessons . Mostly because of winter and the fact I live so far away from where I work . I really don 't want to be stranded an hour away from my house because of snow . So I have one more week after this week and I 'll actually get to go directly home after work until March ! I am beyond ready for the break . That has pretty much been my life in a nutshell for the last 6 months . ( And give me some credit , it 's really only been like 5 months ! ) Now things are just busy because of Christmas , but again , aren 't we all ! I did some really cute pinterest things for Christmas this year and am going to do some more this weekend and fully intend on documenting here ! * Sneak peak : ( Ok not a peak at all . I have no pictures . ) * Sneak foreshadowing ? : I 'm making another attempt at cakeballs ! You can read about my previous experience with these . I have high hopes this time and as you may guess , they will be Christmas related ! ( Gasp ! ) Ok the ramblings of this post will now end as I do have work to do . Tune in Monday ( or maybe Tuesday if we 're being honest ) to see how my weekend Pinterest Projects went ! ( This is how long it 's been since I 've been on here . I totally forgot I added a Pinterest tab to this blog ! ) Ok . . . one more thing before I start working . . . adding blog times to my calendar ! Good faith effort ? Ok another " one more thing " because I really feel as though I must add a picture to this post . We semi - added a new member to our family . She was already partly a member , but she has kind of been officially adopted . This is Reggie ( Short for Regina . We didn 't name her . ) She is / was Josh 's brother 's dog and they never took care of her and she 's been an outdoor dog for a few years now . She 's learned where we live and we have hearts and can 't bare to make her stay an outdoor dog so she 's now our dog . Dog and cat do NOT get along . I 'm sure I 'll have lots of those stories to post as well . Sigh . She didn 't take long in adjusting to being an indoor dog . So in an earlier post I posted a picture of cake balls that looked like an American flag . I had never made cake balls before , but thought this would be doable . But with the 4th of July on a Wednesday , that made things tricky . ( The 4th of July in the middle of the week is really not convenient . Both for cooking purposes and staying up late then having to go to work the next day . ) So Monday night I bought the ingredients , but didn 't have time to make the cake . Josh didn 't have to work on Tuesday , so I took a risk and asked him to make the cake for me Tuesday so it could be cooled by the time I got home from work . This is a risk because this is the man who was trying to make brownies and came out with a pan and said " How big do you think this is ? " and before I could answer said , " Nevermind , I have a tape measure . " and proceeded to measure the pan . But I came home from work and there was a cake ! He 's come a long way . I crumbled the cake , added the frosting , and made them into balls . ( This mortified Josh after he made such a nice cake , I destroyed it . Oh well ! ) I took pictures of all of this , but for some reason they are uploading to this site all discolored and cut off . = ( Not sure what the deal is ! Now came time for the chocolate , the scariest part . I melted the chocolate with the vanilla wafer things and added blue food coloring . After that , my friend who DOES bake taught me this : Any liquid added to chocolate causes it to " seize " which means as soon as I added food coloring , my chocolate got REALLY hard . My friend told me I needed the powder food coloring . The problem with that is it was Tuesday night and I live 45 minutes from the city . Going to the store wasn 't , and didn 't , happen . So I decided that these cake balls would just be white . I got one of the colors right ! In the end they didn 't turn out terrible , just not how I anticipated . After the chocolate fiasco , I was defeated , but glad I ended up salvaging them minus the creativity part . They were really good ! I took them to the BBQ anyway and they were all almost gone by the end of the night . I hope everyone had a good 4th of July ! It was hot but we swam in Josh 's parent 's pool and it was very nice . Work today on the other hand , was rather annoying . But tomorrow is FRIDAY ! = ) I know " weekend warrior " is a term / name for people in the National Guard ; I think because they go to drill on the weekends , ( and I honestly have no clue if they like this term or not , so I have no intentions of offending anyone with it ! Maybe someone could tell me so next time I 'll know . =) ) but some weekends I feel like I do more / harder work on the weekends than I do during the week at my job ! Like I mentioned in my last post , Joshs ' grandma stayed with us Wednesday through Sunday . I really enjoyed having her there . She was a great help and motivator . She was also good company to have when Josh and his brother went fishing all night . Friday night we just hung out and Josh 's nephews came over to play as well . They are so stinking cute ! Here they are playing in the dirt in a giant hole in our yard . ( There used to be a windmill there with a concrete base that we pulled out and have clearly never refilled the hole . ) Saturday we had Brayden go through all his toys and pick out which ones he was donating to little kids who don 't have toys . I think he is going to be a hoarder like his father . I will break this trait while he 's young ! He had a really hard time letting his toys go , but I think he did a good job and we are donating a lot of barely used toys ! Then we completely organized his room . What I have learned about this age : He is old enough to clean his room but not old enough to have my organization OCD so nothing gets put back away where it " belongs " . That is how his room got to be such a disaster . Not sure if I just make him " clean " his room so it 's picked up and then go back in and organize later , or what I should do . I 'll take advice on this one ! After we got Brayden 's room done , we tackled the windows . We cleaned the inside and outside of every window in my house which I know the outside of the windows hadn 't been cleaned since we moved in 6 months ago and who knows how long ago before that . It really is the small things . All I wanted to do the rest of the day was look out my amazingly clean windows ! = ) After the windows , we cleaned the kitchen and living room and by that time it was almost 8 : 00 . We literally worked and cleaned all day long just breaking to eat lunch . By that time the boys ( including kids ) had already left to go fishing so we treated ourselves to going out for dinner then home to watch ID TV ( The channel that has all those shows about murder mysteries and crimes and things . Kind of like 20 / 20 specials . We both love 20 / 20 as well . ) which is a guilty pleasure for both of us . I 'm not sure if that makes us twisted , but the things people do not only disturbs me deeply , but is also kind of interesting . I just wonder how people 's minds work . How a person gets that crazy . Maybe I should have been a psychiatrist . Sunday we had to go to a birthday party for both Josh 's little cousin and his sister 's boyfriend 's daughter . That was a good time but a bad day . Not because of the party , but because being a step - mom is hard as hell . One of the hardest and most rewarding things I 'll probably ever do . We get Brayden every Friday after work through Sunday . Since Josh 's grandma asked to get him on Wednesday ( remember my previous post that I didn 't know she was coming on Wednesday ) his mom decided she wanted to keep him next weekend . Typically not a big deal , but next weekend we had plans of taking him to my hometown to spend time with my family . I was just frustrated because she didn 't ask to see if that was ok and it wasn 't us asking to get him early this week , it was really his grandma . And I 'm not a biological parent so of course their family functions get priority , as it should , but it 's still hard . I just realized I need to find a blog of a step - mom ! IThis was on Sunday on our way into town for the birthdays . He put his hat over his face just like his dad does and slept in the car . He cracks me up and is so stinking cute . I love him so much ! So I 'm trying to stay positive and this weekend I 'm going to make Josh take me on a date since we changed our plans of going back home this weekend to next weekend . We were going to do that ( a date ) Sunday after the birthday but had to drop off Brayden in a town that was half way home , so it didn 't happen . # 1 crappy part in living in a small town an hour away from the city , but after driving in the city on Sunday , I have no idea how I lived there as long as I did ! There is definitely peace in our little town . = ) Today is Day 5 of Jenna 's Commenting Challenge , but I had no time to get on here yesterday , so I 'll combine with Day 4 as well . = ) It 's the last day of the challenge but so glad I did it ! I found some really good blogs to follow ! Yesterday was a pretty crazy day . Actually Wednesday night onward has been pretty crazy . Josh 's grandma was planning on coming up to stay with us for the weekend Thursday night . ( His grandma lives in the city about 45 minutes away from our teeny tiny town so she doesn 't make it up often . We just lost Joshs ' grandpa in March , her husband , and she 's still been adjusting to life without him , as we all have . ) So we were already planning to ask to get Brayden Thursday night instead of Friday like we usually do so they could spend the day together on Friday . I got home Wednesday ( house is a mess because I 've been boycotting cleaning since Josh doesn 't seem to understand the concept and that I constantly pick up after him ) and he gets home about 6 and tells me his grandma called him an hour ago and she 's on her way up . So of course , now I have to go into crazy cleaning mode . ( Interesting how we have these portable things called cell phones that he could have instantly called me after speaking with his grandma to give me a little heads up , but like I mentioned with the cleaning boycott , he is somehow blind to the filth . ) 5 minutes later she pulls into my driveway and all efforts have failed . Also , because we didn 't know she was coming , we didn 't ask to get Brayden . So she called and asked and they said ok and then it was back in the car for the 30 minute drive to pick him up . Then a quick stop at the grocery store so they would have something to eat the next two days while Josh and I are at work . ( I try to plan out our meals and typically only have enough for dinner for the week and grocery shop on the weekend so our cupboards were getting bare . ) Josh 's nephew ( 3 ) was so excited to see Brayden and his great grandma he wanted to spend the night , which was fine . So I now had 3 extra people that up until just a few hours prior , I wasn 't expecting . But family is always welcome and I was happy we could all be together , just a little unplanned ! So we finally get to bed Wednesday night and I have to get up on Thursday and go to work for 8 hours and then go to an evening meeting because one of the hospital systems here just bought our University hospital where I work . ( I work at the University , not the hospital , but in the School of Nursing so the hospital is an important part of our department . ) The meeting was supposed to get done at 7 : 30 and of course didn 't until 8 : 00 and then I had about an hour drive home . Get home and Brayden was at Josh 's mom 's house ( less than a mile down the road ) but of course no one remembered to give him his medicine . ( He had strep so he 's on antibiotics for 10 days ) So I had to run the medicine down only to realize at 9 : 30 that we wouldn 't have enough out of this bottle for the morning dose . So then I had to get in touch with his other grandma who had the other half of the medicine to get her to drop that off so he had it in the morning . It was a non stop day ! Moral of the story . . . I work better being able to PLAN for things ! To address the challenge questions though ! Day 4 : Hobbies ! I feel like I used to have way more of these than I do now . I love to dance and in college we went out dancing all the time , but now , not so much . I also love to crochet . My grandma taught me when I was young so it 's something I always do to keep her close to me . I do not care for cooking or baking , but want to learn to like it , if that 's possible . I like crafting as well ! Day 5 : Vacation ! I love the ocean and beaches so pretty much anywhere that includes that ! I really would love to go somewhere tropical . We went on a big trip to Florida with Josh 's entire family ( aunts , uncles , and cousins ) and it was so much fun . I would go back . Here is a picture of the whole gang at the beach ! We also went to Disney as well . We had a 5 car convoy to get us all down there . ( We live in Nebraksa to give you an idea of how that went ! I did do a blog about it though so you can read more about the trip here ! ) Since I worked a 12 hour day yesterday , I 'm hoping to sneak out of work a little early today and get an early start to the weekend . I hope you all have a great weekend as well and stay cool ! We have crazy hot temps here right now ! The social media I use the most is Facebook . Like I mentioned before , all of my family ( and friends ) lives at least 3 and a half hours away so I pretty much post my life there to keep them updated and am constantly on it to keep updated with their lives as well . Josh tells me I 'm obssessed with it , but we live a mile away from his parents and all his family lives in the same town , so I don 't think he understands know he doesn 't understand what it 's like to only see them a few times a year . I also am in charge of my work 's facebook as well , so I 'm on it almost every day all day . Facebook came out when I was in college ( back when it was meant for college students ) but I was on Myspace and liked that a lot better at the time . What I really liked about it was the ability to decorate and make my page my own . I used to have software where I made my own pictures and icons and electronic scrapbook pages . I LOVED doing that stuff ! My computer crashed with the software and I never got it again . I need to start that back up again . I also need to learn how to do that stuff on here ! Now , I never use Myspace . ( Side note : I do love making my own invitations and flyers and things . At work everyone asks me to make bridal or baby shower invitations or flyers for classes and things . I like to be creative and am always happy to do it ! ) With that being said , a site I visit a lot is photobucket . com . I have an album there to edit photos and such and view other images people post . LOVE pinterest ! You can find me here or the tab at the top of the page . Like I said , we just bought a new house that we completely redid so I have been going crazy with home decor ideas as well as things to do with Brayden and other " products I love " . Such an awesome site ! I tried twitter once , but never really could figure that site out , so while I have an account , I never use it . Sites I do visit often would be ravelry . com . This is a really neat type of social networking site for knitters and crocheters , if that may be you ! It is a place where you can link to patterns and then people can link their finished projects to those patterns . So if I found a pattern for a scarf that I like , I can see what other people 's scarves looked like that they made with the same pattern . Also , they can post advice or problems they came across while working on it . Very helpful . I basically wake up in the morning with JUST enough time to get ready so sitting down to watch the news never happens , but I love watching it . So I typically visit my local news station as well as the Today Show . LOVE the Today Show . I love the crazy stories that you never imagine you will read about . There are a lot of crazy people in this world ! On the other hand , I hate politics , so the news gets annoying during this time of year . I know , bad American . But until we get down to the actual election , I hate hearing all the bashing and trash talk of the candidates and what lies they tell and secret lives they live . So I pick and choose my news I guess . I feel like I spend SO much more time on the internet than this ! I guess these are my main sites though . From there the internet takes me anywhere . I am excited because now I have a lot more blogs to read ! Since I have been a little blogging challenged for the first year of my blog , when I saw my friend Jenna was doing a blogging challenge , I decided this may be just what I need ! She linked with another Jenna for the challenge so I have decided to do the same ! I am a day behind so I am going to combine days one and two here ! My name is Shannon . I am 26 years old and live in a very small town of 200 people in northwest Iowa about 45 minutes from Omaha , Nebraska . I currently work in Omaha , so I am not completely sheltered from the world in my little town . I was born and raised in a small Iowa town as well , and it is a lifestyle I have come to appreciate after living in Omaha for 7 years . I met my boyfriend of 3 years in Omaha , and we decided to move to his home town , where we just bought our house , to get out of the city and closer to his family , since mine lives 3 hours away . He has a little boy named Brayden who we get the pleasure of staying with us every weekend . He is 6 years old and so incredibly smart and grown up ! Being a " step - mom " may be one of the hardest things I 've ever done , but he makes it so worth it . I love him with all my heart . Here is our little family ! I also can 't forget Carleigh ! She is our 3 year old cat . She can be a little stinker sometimes , but she can also be the source of a lot of entertainment . I started this blog when I was just turning 25 . For some reason , 25 was really hard for me . I call it my pre - life crisis . I thought that blogging would be a good way for me to document the things happening in my life and a good reflection back on what I have accomplished . I pretty much failed at blogging for the first year as I just turned 26 . However , I really want to get back into it and have just started up again . That is one of the reasons I chose to do this challenge because I hope that it will get me interested and involved again . This blog is primarily about my life , random thoughts I have , and I hope it will be a place where I can share the crafts and crocheting projects I do . I love pinterest and have been trying a lot of things on there and would love to share them here as well . We also just bought a new house which we completely gutted and re - did . It is still a work in progress , but I am going to show our progress as well . I guess I am a DIY kind of gal . Thanks for stopping by ! I hope to get to know lots of people through here ! Obviously this is what every person in the world struggles with : weight and working out . It 's so hard ! Wake up in the morning already way too early Get ready for work Go to work Sit on your butt in a chair in front of a computer for 8 hours , ( which is really 9 hours because you sit while you stuff your face with food over lunch too ) Come home and cook , eat some more , clean up , and then it 's time for bed already ( or maybe catching up on the DVR ) . Basically , getting up before work is NOT an option and by the time I 'm off work , all I want to do is go to bed . So the girls at work and I decided to start walking over our lunch break , which has been great ! Not a ton of exercise , but it 's better than nothing . I have been doing really good at maintaining my weight ever since I got pretty sick about 3 years ago and lost a ton of weight due to not being able to keep any food in my stomach . ( I know they say that 's not healthy to do , and it 's obviously not , but it sure worked for weight loss ! ) I was worried after I got my gallbladder out that since I was finally healthy for what felt like the first time in a very long time , that would all change , but have been proud of what I have been able to maintain . Now maintaining isn 't good enough . . . to me . So we discovered that the gym at work offers group fitness classes and some of them are over the lunch hour ! We have determined this is the ONLY way we are going to get workouts in due to the above mentioned reasons ( which may not be very good reasons , but they are our reasons nonetheless ) . So we eat lunch at our desks and then walk over to the gym for the 50 minute sessions of pilates or yoga . I have done pilates before but this was the first time for yoga . I must say , I really like it ! They are pretty similar , but pilates has more movements with it 's poses and yoga seems to be more about stretching and they are both about core building , which I need ! Next month we are going to add in more cardio days to get a good variety in our workouts but I 'm actually starting to get excited about it , which isn 't something I 've been used to since high school probably . Here is what I found helps : 1 . Buddy system ! There is no way I would continue to keep this up if I didn 't have people here to work out with that hold me accountable . 2 . Time of day . I 'm not a morning person and my evenings are too precious to me after working all day . I am lucky to get an hour for lunch which leaves enough time for a decent 50 minute workout . Granted , I may have to go through the afternoon sweaty , but I always bring things to fix my hair and make up and I know I can 't smell THAT bad ! : - ) 3 . Self esteem . Getting started kind of stinks , ( and sometimes even day - to - day , my motivation is lacking ) but once you get that feeling of accomplishment after your workout , it definitely makes me feel better about myself and wanting to keep going . 4 . Afternoon snack . I usually try really hard to not snack in the afternoon . I eat a 110 calorie bagel with peanut butter when I get here and then my lunch . The thing about working out over lunch is I eat lunch before I go and by the time we 're done , I 'm starving again ! Why this is a good thing is that I always WANT to snack in the afternoon , but now I 'm actually hungry because I burned calories ! So I have been bringing fruit and healthy snacks and feel better about snacking now that my body is actually asking for food and it 's not me just wanting to put food in my mouth . I don 't know if I 've actually lost weight . I stopped stepping on the scale a while ago . I should probably start again . But I do feel better about myself . My other motivation , other than the obvious , is the fact that someday soon there will be a wedding and I don 't want to have to worry about it then . The other motivation is that our first yoga instructor was pregnant and she was one of those pregnant people that was nothing but belly . I want to be HER when I 'm pregnant ! : - ) So I want to maintain it this time for real and I finally reached a point where I think I 'll be able too . We have a good system that is working for us now and I 'm super excited . I will try to keep my progress updated here as well and maybe put up some of my favorite poses and stretches . That is one thing about yoga , I am constantly stretching which feels so good and I think releases a lot of built up tension which is probably why I feel so good afterward . I know there is a science behind it all , but this is the science of Shannon ! : - ) My grandma Manfull taught me to crochet when I was somewhere around 4th or 5th grade . She was always crocheting or knitting something growing up and I have a lot of things from her that she made . After she passed away , that was a skill I never wanted to forget because that is one of the things I can say I learned from her . So I have been trying to make random things just to keep up with the skill . Here are a few things I have made and have pictures of . Recently a friend passed this along to me about a great cause called CLICK for Babies . They are collecting crocheted or knitted baby hats made with purple yarn to raise awareness to prevent infant abuse . The baby hats will be distributed in hospitals to new born babies as an initiative to help educate caregivers about normal infant crying , how to cope with crying and the dangers of reacting to crying in frustration by shaking or harming an infant . I will have to post pictures of the finished hats when I get them done ! By now you are probably wondering how " Unruly Crafters " relates to any of this . I 'm getting there ! There is this awesome site called ravelry . com which is a place for people to post patterns and finished projects of things they 've knitted and crocheted . So if you are looking for a pattern , you can view pictures of what other people made with that same pattern and advice they have about completing the project . It really is a handy site ! And where I plan on going to find patterns to make the above mentioned baby hats ! Every Olympic year they have an event called the Ravelympics . I 've never participated , but my friend is this year . Basically it 's a little " contest " where people see how many things they can knit or crochet while they are watching the olympics . No money is exchanged or formal awards given , other than people are named winners . The owner of the ravlery . com site received a letter from the General Counsel of the US Olympic Commitee asking them to change the name of their event because it was derived from the word " Olympics " and they aren 't an official sponsor and not allowed to use that word . Ok . . . . I see where they are coming from . By the way , view the letter HERE . You have to see it . So did you notice the part that caused the outrage ? Asking to change the name of the event isn 't a big deal in itself , but they went on to completely bash crocheters and knitters and it has caused quite the outrage . Here is the excerpt : The athletes of Team USA have usually spent the better part of their entire lives training for the opportunity to compete at the Olympic Games and represent their country in a sport that means everything to them . For many , the Olympics represent the pinnacle of their sporting career . Over more than a century , the Olympic Games have brought athletes around the world together to compete at the Olympic Games and represent their country in a sport that means everything to them . I think they went a little too far . Personally , not to stereotype , when I think of people who knit and crochet , I think of my grandma ! Little old ladies sitting at home with the TV on , watching the Olympics and knitting a sweater . I realize there are plenty of not old ladies who do as well , but that was the point of this event : to support the Olympics and have a fun friendly NON - PROFIT competition for those who wanted too on a free membership site . They are trying to portray people who sit at home and crochet / knit little baby hats to bring awareness to infant abuse as forming this huge event to disrepect Olympic athletes . I think it 's all a little far fetched . All they had to do was ask them to change the name , which I can understand , but I also don 't find to be a big deal either . Just my opinion though ! I found it to be sad since there is so much excitement when it comes to the Olympic games and athletes . Posted by So I started this blog almost exactly a year ago when I was turning 25 and having a minor pre - life crisis as I like to call it . = ) Now , I just turned 26 last week and I am happy to report it went MUCH better than 25 . I was dreading it , but once it got here , not a big deal at all . 25 was a decent year . It had it 's ups and downs which is to be expected . We took a great vacation to Florida , Josh and I both got a new jobs , Brayden finished kindergarden , and we bought a house ! Unfortunately Josh 's grandpa was diagnosed with cancer and lost his battle all this year , which was incredibly hard on the entire family . I know " Chapter 25 " wasn 't all that exciting here with my entire 9 posts , but I 'm going to try to get better . I 'm pretty sure I said that last post too . I have been revisiting my interest of pinterest ( haha ! I just reread that and didn 't even notice how clever I am ! ) and have got a lot of cute ideas from there I think I could post about . I recently just did this to my bathroom . I didn 't think of taking progressive pics for here at the time , but my cat keeps trying to lay in the baskets and making the towel bars fall off the wall , so I may get another opportunity to put them back up yet again ! I also found some cute things for the 4th of July that I 'd like to try , but it is really unfortunate the holiday is on Wednesday because that means I would have to come home Tuesday night from work and cook , which I don 't forsee happening . But who knows . I might give it a try ! There are some cake balls ( which I 've never made before ) and wouldn 't mind attempting . So my goal for " Chapter 26 " is to keep up - to - date on here ( so Jenna doesn 't yell at me ) . I really do enjoy blogging , but with all that ended up happening this year , things got crazy ! I had a new job , Christmas , and bought a new house all within a month . I 'm looking forward to another great year ahead that I can capture here and share with you all ! = ) Ive experienced some pain in my life and this wasn 't the worst pain I 've had by far , however on Friday when I started having sharp stomach pains in my lower right abdomen , I began the debate of " am I being a baby ? " or " better safe than sorry . " The pain was significant , but I was sure I could handle it and it would go away . Then people started telling me lower right means appendix and if it bursts it could be very bad . New year , new deductible , ER on a Friday night . What to do ? The " better safe than sorry " won the battle and after Josh 's persistent urging to get me to go , we got in the car ER bound . Checked in at the desk and claimed my bench to lay down in the waiting room until the nurse called me back . First went the elderly man with his jacket on backward . He must have been in a hurry . Then the elderly lady who must have been in a car accident that day and refused to go to the hospital from what I could overhear . An hour passed and I should be next , until the guy who comes in with chest pain . The nurse tells us all waiting that they have no open beds . Finally they decide to triage us waiting and get our blood work started . She took me back where I had to ask for a bucket because I got sick and I think she finally realized there was some validity to my seemingly non - urgent stomach pain . She then let us wait in the family room with a much bigger couch . After two hours in the waiting room , they finally have a bed for me . My nurse comes to put in an IV because they already suspect appendix and surgery but because the pain was so low and I 'm female , wanted to do a female exam as well . In the meantime while she makes small talk , I tell her where I work and as luck would have it , she 's a current masters student ! That may make for an awkward future meeting in the hallway as she was fully engaged in the process of my female exam ! Next a CT scan which of course was inconclusive and they decide to admit me . This was my first overnight stay in a hospital and possibility of emergency surgery . Josh went home to get my glasses and such and came back to spend the night with me . This was happening at 11 : 00 at night . I hadn 't eaten since noon and was starving but since surgery was a possibility in the morning , they wouldn 't let me eat . However , with the help of Phenergen and Morphine I drifted right to sleep . Sleeping in a hospital is next to impossible because someone will wake you up every hour for some reason or another . I got about 6 hours of sleep but it felt like I had been asleep forever . Finally around 7 the surgeon comes in with his passé of about 4 people . Scared to death by all the people I was pleasantly surprised when he said they weren 't going through with the surgery . They made me eat lunch and dinner and get up and walk and finally discharged me around 6 Saturday evening . I was never so happy to leave a hospital . Overall I 'm happy I decided to get things checked out and happy to know its most likely viral however , still another expense to add onto recovering from Christmas , buying a house , and just shelling out $ 500 on a second appraisal . But doctor bills are interest free so it will be fine ! I am thankful for no surgery and hopeful my next overnight stay in a hospital will be more planned and for a happy occasion if you catch my drift ! : - ) I know I have been bad about updating this , however life has been moving way too fast for pit stops ! It 's been a roller coaster but a fun one ! Usually I say I can 't believe it 's a new year already , but the last couple of months have been such a blur that I can ! October : This was not a good month for us unfortunately . Josh 's grandpa was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer and the prognosis wasn 't good . This month was full of lots of tears , evenings in the hospital , and late nights at his grandparents house when we weren 't at the hospital . This same month his grandma had a heart attack so there was a good amount of time we were having real discussions with God trying to comprehend . The good news is that since then , his grandma has been doing well and his grandpa has begun chemo and at least has the pain under control for the most part . While we still have ups and downs with that , I feel as though we 've all been able to come to the point of acceptance as much as can be expected . November : This month a coworker accepted a new job and her last day at work was November 4 . This will begin the 3 month stretch of AGAIN doing 2 jobs . Thankfully I applied for her job and was offered the position ! Truly a blessing . It was a step up from my old job and a lot more money and an extremely easy transition . Also this month we decided to begin exploring possibilities of sometime in the future buying a house . We looked up 3 houses in areas we were interested in just to see if there was anything out there . I didn 't expect to like any of them . As luck would have it , we both fell in love with the very first house we looked at . It had been listed for $ 60k and just recently reduced to $ 45k so the price was right . The elderly lady who had been living there had to go to a nursing home so they just needed to get what she owed on the house and needed to pay off some medical bills and then the rest would go to the nursing home since she had to get rid of all her assets . They accepted our offer of $ 35k ! The house itself is in good shape but the inside hasn 't been updated probably since the 70s and that is not an exaggeration . The bathroom has green tub , toilet , and sink . All the carpet is floral print or red checkered and wall paper on every wall . But with Josh 's skills , he can do all the updates for just the expense of buying the materials so we can update it just how we want ! December : This month mainly consisted of keeping my head above the water . After a month of doing 2 jobs things start to pile up . I officially started in my new position this month so at least I was finally getting my new pay ! We were supposed to also close on our house this month but instead it consisted with us fighting with US Bank and deciding to switch to a new bank . Oh and then throw Christmas on top of all that . But we did have a wonderful Christmas ! January : We 're only 5 days in but things are already happening . We spent the new year at home just the three of us and it was perfect . They finally did the second appraisal on the house that we had to do since US Bank wouldn 't release the first appraisal to the new bank even though I was the one to pay the $ 400 for it . So hopefully now we just wait for the paperwork and close this month ! Also they interviewed and offered my old position to someone who starts on the 24th ! I think that sums up the last quarter of a year pretty well . I think overall I have truly learned to be so thankful for all the blessings in my life because I have been blessed with so many . For the first time in a long time , all feels right with the world , like it 's finally my time . Last year was full of other peoples weddings and births of other peoples babies and while I was so happy for all my friends , I was beginning to wonder when good things were going to start happening for us , especially during October . But God had a plan and now He is providing for us . My goal is to keep this updated and catch up on all I 've missed in the blogging world . Especially when the new girl comes I am sure I will have much more free time ! I 'm happy to be back ! I was born and raised in small Iowa town and moved to the big city of Omaha for college when I was 18 . After 7 years of " city life " we just bought a house in an even smaller Iowa town and I 'm loving it . I live there with my wonderful boyfriend and his precious son , Brayden , who is 6 years old . We also have a furry feline named Carleigh . I started this blog as a way to document my life and organize my thoughts and projects ! |
This is the video of Robbie 's Birthday cupcake on his actual birthday . He didn 't sleep through this one . He made a better mess of the cake they had for him at daycare . It was a sight to see . But this one is still pretty cute . Posted by Happy First Birthday ! I can 't believe it 's been a whole year since you came into our lives . And I 'm so glad you are here . It 's been a such a rollercoaster of a year . With arriving 7 weeks early , the heart surgery , the stroke and the seizures you keep scaring us half to death . We love you so much and we wish that none of that had happened to you . You 're a trooper though . You have to take awful tasting medicine every day and do exercises you don 't like and yet you are such a happy little guy and you have smiles and charm for everyone . One smile from you makes my day . It just lights up the room . And your snuggles are the best ever . Even your snorts are pretty cute too . You 're growing into a little boy now and aren 't going to be our baby boy for much longer . Your Dad and I love you very much . Have a Happy Birthday ! December 11th was a much better day today than it was last year . Last year I had gone to the hospital to wait for my wee guy to be born 7 weeks early and have some heart surgery . I was a little on the worried side there ( well a lot ) . Today however we had a birthday party for our Munchkin . He 's got a bit of a cold and we recently changed his medication so he was one sleepy boy . So sleepy in fact , he fell asleep in his father 's arms just as we were getting everything together for the Happy Birthday Song and cupcake . We sang anyway . Sadly I seem to have had a malfunction on the video I was taking . Moral of the story ? ? ? Don 't try to hold the cupcake and shoot the video at the same time . Click here for friend 's Blackberry version of the video . This one was held steady . Tomorrow on his actual birthday we will try again with the cupcake and see if he has some . And we 'll have his dad do the video this time . I can 't believe he 's going to be a whole year old tomorrow . Where did the time fly . It looks like tooth number 7 has made an appearance . It 's one of the lower teeth on the right side . It also looks like tooth number 8 is ready to make an appearance right beside it . We aren 't surprised . He is a drooly drooly mess . We are kind of wondering if a bunch of other ones aren 't making themselves ready as well . We shall see . Posted by Wow , is it December already ? Where has the year gone ? My little baby is going to be a whole year old soon . It has been a whirlwind and adventure . Big changes are happening next week . He 's starting daycare . I won 't have my wee little guy around all day anymore . I have a feeling I am going to have a harder time with it than he will . This morning we had a really wonderful snuggle on the couch . I guess that will be the last leisurely weekday morning snuggle we 're going to have for a very very long time . He was so warm and small and snuggly . Today we went to Robbie 's first Santa Claus Parade . It was pretty fun . He slept through a lot of it . In fact it was kind of funny . . . . He slept parade as it was chilly out and his parents were cold . We didn 't dress as warmly as we dressed him . It was lots of fun though and hopefully the start of a tradition . Where has the time gone ? He 's such a big happy boy now . Pretty soon we 'll have a 1 year old little boy . He won 't be my baby anymore ( well he 'll always be my baby ) . Today we took our little Munchkin to his first Remembrance Day ceremony . We went to the ceremony down at Fort York . It was a beautiful day and a wonderful ceremony . We wanted to start him young on remembering . Posted by Strange thing has happened over the past couple of days . Robbie 's sleeping habits have improved tenfold . Now of course as I write this he 'll wake up . But he slept on his own in his crib last night from 7 : 30 pm to 3 am . He 's never done that before ever ! And today he napped really well as well . I think it may be food related . I 've started to stuff more solid food on a more consistent basis into the little guy . Apparently having a full tummy may make our wee guy sleep a little better . So we 'll see how he does tonight . Then all we 'll have to work on is getting him to learn how to fall asleep on his own . Mind you all of this could be a total fluke as well . But we 'll see , we 'll see . Our little Mr . Munchkin isn 't going to be so little anymore I think . He must be on a major growing spurt or he 's just eating a lot more than he used to . In the past two weeks he 's gone from 8 . 2 kilos to 8 . 8 kilos ( 18 . 04 Pounds to 19 . 36 Pounds ) . If this keeps up , we 'll have a gigantic child soon . Posted by Today our little Munchkin has acquired a really cool new skill ! He has figured out how to snort ! Yes , he now has an essential new life skill . And now that I 've shared that , here 's a picture of my cute little guy . Yesterday our wee Munchkin started making a new little babbling sound . It 's pretty gosh darn cute and I wish you could all hear it . I 'll have to dig out the video camera from wherever I hid it and do a bit of video . We also had a few major giggle sessions yesterday . It is such a wonderful thing to make my little man giggle . He always looks so happy . I 'm getting some strong biceps from it though . He loves it when I do press ups with him . And since he seems to be getting bigger and bigger by the day , it 's getting harder and harder to do . Today was our Munchkin 's first Hallowe ' en . It was lots of fun . We dressed him up in a super cute lion costume and his Dad took him around to the neighbours . He even picked a candy out of a bowl at one of the neighbours . It was too bad we didn 't have too many kids , but all the adults on the street had fun . We hung out , chatted and gave the few kids that came by lots of candy . Our little Munchkin fell asleep while we were all standing around chatting . Yesterday Munchkin got to see where his Dad works . Since he works so close now , it was easy for us to pop by and meet his new boss and see his digs after we had an appointment nearby . Everyone thought he was a little adorable guy . You are such a funny duck right now . The past several swim classes you 've either fallen asleep or tried to fall asleep in the pool during the bit where you 're supposed to be learning . You were so funny the first time . You literally just fell asleep while I was holding you in the water . So in today 's class I decided I would skip the aquafit part so you wouldn 't get too tired . But that didn 't work . You fell asleep anyway . The instructor had decided we should take bets on how long it would be before you fell asleep . Well this morning after what seemed like forever , our Munchkin poked his second upper front tooth through . It 's been on the verge since Thanksgiving Weekend when the other one popped through . Hopefully this means I have a happier baby at night now as that 's when it seems the teething bothers him most . I can 't believe he has so many teeth already . On Friday we started up your education fund for you . We 're told that it will be super expensive by the time you 're old enough , so we thought we had better start saving now . Love You are growing up too fast my friend . Tonight your Dad had you standing up by your hands and you started with the walking motion . You made it across the room . Now I 'm sure it will be awhile before you really walk as you need to figure out balance and pulling yourself up . How the time files . Today is Robbie 's 10 month birthday ! He 's getting so big and less babylike every day . Today he was rather on the out of sorts side as it looks like he 's trying to grow a whole bunch of teeth at once . But all in all we had lots of cuddles and it was a good birthday day . Well Munchkin had his first cold this weekend . He woke up with it on Friday morning . It 's been a very mild cold which is good , but he 's been a Mr . Grumpy pants on and off . I think we got pretty lucky with this cold . " There is something you must always remember . You are braver than you believe , stronger than you seem , and smarter than you think . But the most important thing is , even if we 're apart . . . I 'll always be with you . " Today Robbie and I went to the Toronto Zoo for the first time together . It was quite the trek to get there . We took the TTC and it took about an hour and a half to get there . We met up with a friend of mine and her son and walked around the zoo for the afternoon . We saw lots and lots of animals . Munchkin is probably a bit small for really enjoying the zoo , but my favorite reaction was of the orangutans . He was very interested in this animated stuffed toy . I don 't end up going to the zoo very often but I think that particular Orangutan hangs out right there just checking out the people all the time . Posted by We 've been dealing with another health problem for our wee Munchkin for the past month or so . It turns out he has a form of Epilepsy called Infantile Spasms . This has probably happened in part because he was a preemie . We 'll know more in awhile as he had an MRI yesterday to have a look at his brain . The good news about the Infantile Spasms is that he will grow out of them by the time he 's about 2 . He 's on medication that controls them so that is good . The hard part is giving him the medication . He hates it and we have to give it to him twice a day . Poor little guy just can 't seem to get a break some days . But we caught the spasms pretty fast and Sick Kids saw us super fast so we were able to get it under control quickly which is a good thing . If you don 't control the spasm a child can end up with some pretty severe mental delays . All of this has given us a clue to why his right arm ( and to a certain extent right leg ) aren 't as advanced as his left side . We 've been getting a physical therapist to work with him and he 's learning to use it . It turns out that the root cause of all of this might be a little damage in the left side of his brain . This is what the MRI is looking at . Thankfully , because he 's an infant he should be able to compensate for the damage . Babies are very elastic that way . Posted by Today my little Munchkin ate his first Cheerio . He seemed to like it . We 'll have to try it again tomorrow . He also tried beets today for the first time . I don 't think he was terribly impressed . He decided to give the spoon back . I can 't believe you are 9 months old today . It seems like you 've been in my life forever yet it seems like you were born only yesterday . You are a little ray of light in my life . You are growing so fast and changing every day . You desperately want to walk and talk , but you 're just starting to figure out what you need to do to crawl . When you giggle it makes me so happy . Love Mom Today Robbie and I participated in the Walk of Hope ( the Ovarian Cancer fundraiser ) . It was a 5 K walk in around Riverdale Park . Robbie did great on the walk . He got his own T - Shirt and everything . Even if it was a little big , it was still neat . And I was glad he got one too as the forecast was saying COLD , so I put him in long sleeves and pants which were really not needed . He was so cute swimming in his t - shirt . Here we are wearing my T - Shirt together . Here 's hoping that this is the first of many Walks of Hope we 'll go on together . I think I would like to make it something we do together every year . I managed to raise $ 150 for the cause . More info is at the winnerswalkofhope . ca and my page is here . Well it would seem that going to the cottage means teeth . We came to the cottage for the weekend and lo and behold this morning we noticed that one of his upper teeth has started to poke through . Not the one we were expecting though . We thought it would be one of the two top front teeth , but he seems to have gotten one off to the left . Thankfully it didn 't seem to bother him too much . - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhoneLocation : Concession Road 17 E , Cedar Point , Canada Today our Munchkin had his first kiss . There is this little girl that he hangs out with when I go to my pilates class . She 's the one I think I 've mentioned that he holds hands with every time . Today I was sitting with the two of them on the blanket and watched as they wiggled and rolled and ended up face to face and smushed their lips together . It was pretty darn adorable . Today my little Munchkin decided that he was going to roll from his front his back . Then he rolled across the room . It was nifty and cute . I wonder how long it will be until he does it again . This weekend my sister and her husband had a little friend join their family . He 's 6 weeks old and his name is Scrappy ! He 's a pretty cute little kitten . Robbie got to meet him yesterday . At one point he was crashed out on the floor for a nap and a certain little kitten decided to come and have a look followed by a nap . We almost died of the cute . Dear Robbie , As I write this you are still peacefully asleep on your 8 month birthday . I can 't believe how much you have grown this month . You have two little teeth now and your hair is starting to come in . You are trying to hard to tell us all the stories you have inside you and you desperately want to walk . You have decided that food is something kind of fun to eat and you get all excited when I put you into your bumbo because you know it 's time to eat . Every day I am reminded of what a joy you are . Love Mom - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhoneLocation : Timcourt Dr , Penetanguishene , Canada Robbie can now be known as Mr . Two Teeth . His second tooth has broken the skin . Poor little guy was rather miserable the second one . But I think he 'll be a much happier camper with now that it 's come through . It 's really cute to see him figuring out what these little sharp dealies in his mouth are . He keeps running his fingers and tongue over them . Perhaps the drool will be a little less for a few days now . Today is the day that Robbie cut his first tooth . He 's been drooling up a storm for months it seems and his gums have been bothering him for weeks . He was a little on the fussy side last night but other than that he didn 't make a peep about the tooth starting to poke through . - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone Robbie and I are up at the cottage for a little bit to enjoy summer and visit with his grandparents . On the weekend we were feeding him some Mango as we are trying to introduce foods and he seems to like Mango quite a bit . Mind you not as much as the fresh peach I gave him yesterday . But that 's another story . As all babies do , he managed to make a huge mess out of him self with the Mangos . Head to food coverage in Mango . So much so that I decided he needed a bath . However , the bathroom was occupied with someone having a shower . Yesterday Robbie got his very first taste of chocolate ice cream . We didn 't get any photos of it , but we did take a video which I will see about posting at a later date . His Uncle Gamble has been promising Robbie ice cream since before he was born . So last night was the night . We plunked Robbie into the bumbo , put a bib on him and his Uncle Gamble gave him his first taste of ice cream . Robbie thought it was pretty darn nifty . The first taste he made a bit of a funny face because of the cold I think . But then he was all about the ice cream . He even wiped his face with his bib between bites . I think this was the very first time he hasn 't dribbled back any of the food we gave him . He swallowed it all . I get the feeling that Robbie will be demanding ice cream at every meal from now on ! Tonight your Dad and I went out for the first time without you . We left you with your Auntie Margie who was going to have a fun dance party with you . Your Dad and I managed a whole hour and half before we got the text that you were going to be Mr . Inconsolable soon . So I came home and you were just screaming your little head off . Then you became Mr . Happy again once I was home and gave you some snuggles . After that we hung out with your Aunty Margie and you were as happy as a clam to have two ladies hanging out with you on a Saturday night . Our little Munchkin has learned how to giggle . It 's most wonderful to listen to him giggle when I 'm playing with him . He loves to giggle when I hold him up in the air and bring him back down . He 's such a little cutie . You were sitting in front of the TV having a nap . We thought you might watch if you happened to wake up . But you didn 't . You woke up about 3 minutes after the shuttle was in space . Love Robbie seems to be enjoying bubbles a lot these days . Well , his parents are probably enjoying them even more than he is , but he does seem to like them . In his swimming class the instructor had a song and a bubble blower . Now that swimming class is over for the summer I got a little bubble blower for him for home . Of course I shot a wee bit of video for it too ! This past weekend we went up to my parents cottage for Canada Day . It was a fun relaxing time with Robbie having another couple of his firsts . One was his first swim in the lake . It didn 't last long as the lake is still a little chilly . The other was that he got to go to his first Canada Day party @ his Aunt 's house . It was much fun as always and he was the life of the party . Posted by This Robbie guy of ours seems very popular . I 'm often stopped on the streets or have random people talk to me about him . I wonder if this happens to everyone with a new baby ? I 'm sure it does . Today was no exception and it was a couple of ladies from the Buddhist temple around the corner from out house . One of them was one of the nuns based on her mode of dress . I got off the streetcar as they were walking up the street to wait for one . Anyway , neither of the ladies spoke much in the way of english , but they had quite the chat with Robbie who provided smiles and giggles . I have no idea what they were telling him , but he seemed to love it . I ended up spending a good five minutes on the street corner . They seemed very sad to see us go . Yes it 's time for one of those comparison posts . Check out how HUGE my baby boy is now . My little munchkin isn 't so little anymore . On Tuesday we took our little Munchkin to the park for the first time . We don 't have any grass in our backyard so we needed to go to the park for it . He was kind of surprised by the grass at first , but seemed to really like it . I think we will be going to the park fairly frequently from now on so he can play in the grass . Posted by A very Happy Half Birthday to my little guy . I can 't believe he is 6 months old today . Where has the time gone ? He 's getting bigger every day . He 's also changing every single day . He 's learning new skills and sounds at what seems like an astounding rate . He 's such a cheerful little boy who loves everyone and flirts with all the girls . I can 't imagine life without this sweet little guy in it anymore . I 'm looking forward to the next 6 months and all it brings . . . . . I just hope it doesn 't go too fast . Posted by I 've been a bit slow about posting up all the neat stuff Robbie has been doing of late . We 've been busy getting out in the good weather and playing . This is a post worthy thing . On the long weekend we were at my parents cottage and Robbie finally got to meet a couple of his Aunts who live nearby . It was lots of fun . His Aunty M got him a little prezzie . You see , he recently got his first truck . So she found him his first motorcycle ! Our wee boy is in full on teething mode these days . Even thought he has his miserable moments , he 's still pretty cheerful . He 's a total drooly mess and I keep forgetting to put bibs on him so he goes through lots of onesies every day . Thankfully he has tons of them : ) We 've been trying lots of things to help with the teething . The usual , cold cloth , cooled teething rings etc . . . He 's not so much into them . But he does seem to like baby carrots fresh from the fridge . I hold them and he gnaws on them . They seem to fascinate him and make his gums fee better at the same time . Who knew ? And I get the lovely present of a baby carrot covered in drool dip to eat . Here 's hoping that some of these teeth actually show up at some point so he doesn 't have to be in pain so much anymore . It seems like they are taking forever . Mind you I don 't really know how long they are supposed to take either . Posted by Today I put a carousel out for Robbie to play with . He 's still figuring out what to do with it , but he does seem to think it 's kind of neat . Posted by I 'm a little behind in posting news and photos of our wee Robbie . Since the last time I posted we 've been to Sick Kids for a neo - natal checkup . During the course of the course of appointment we told them we had started a wee bit of food as per our regular doctors . We were told that we should wait longer due to the preemie issues . So we have decided to wait a little longer . It 's no biggie . We had only tried him on food twice anyway . But I did want to bring you a photo of the last time we tried giving him some food . Posted by This long weekend we were up at Grandma and Grandpa 's cottage . It was fun and it was Robbie 's first time at the cottage . We showed him lots of things , saw some friends and family and most importantly he got go in the Backhoe with Grandpa ! They didn 't actually go anywhere in it , but it was fun to see him there . And Grandpa promised that in about 15 years he would teach him how to drive it . We didn 't get to go for a swing on the swing set this weekend because a tree fell on it and the set had to be taken down temporarily to get the tree down . Never fear though , this is one tough swing set . It didn 't suffer any damage . Those good old Toronto Parks Swings last forever ( they were purchased at an auction when I was a kid ) . So today was the day we gave Robbie his first little bit of Rice Cereal . When we were at the doctor last week , they suggested that since he 's starting to get teeth we should start giving him a little bit of rice cereal . He didn 't seem to enjoy the wallpaper paste . . I don 't think I got very much of it into him as most of it drooled right back out . I of course also forgot to put a bib on him so there was an outfit change right afterwards . I guess we 'll be trying this every day until he decided to actually swallow some voluntarily . Last weekend , our little guy got to meet the Aunts & Uncles from the cottage . It was pretty fun . Everyone had a good time playing with Robbie and he seemed to have a good time meeting all these new people . At this party he got his first truck from one of the Uncles . I think the truck is a little bigger than he is at this point . But he 's going to love it once he 's big enough to play with it . Posted by You are a funny little guy . You are such a happy guy most of the time , but when you 're not you sure let us know it . You also seem to have this little on / off switch with the cranky . It seems to be rather instantaneous . Yesterday for instance . . . . We took you for a checkup and your shots . You were a happy little boy afterwards ( you did not like the actual getting of the shots ) and were awesome all afternoon . Then all of a sudden around 7 : 30 you were cranky , tired , unhappy and had a bit of a fever . All you wanted were snuggles and sleep . It actually seemed like you were sleeping and crying your little head off at the same time . Then all of a sudden 3 hours later you were again all Mr . Smiles and Giggles and wide awake wanting to play . It really was all of a sudden too . One minute you were crying and the next you were happy . Wow I can 't believe you are 5 months old already ! How the time flies . Every day you continue to grow and change and amaze me . Happy 5 months ! Today I took Robbie for his first ever swim in a pool . We 've signed up for Mommy and Baby swimming classes . I think he enjoyed it . He 's always enjoyed swimming in the bathtub so this was a bigger bathtub . The first half of the hour is a fitness component for the moms . So the little ones get to float safely in a little raft while the moms do their thing . It was kind of funny , Robbie seemed to want to join in a little with what the instructor was saying . Every time she told us to kick harder he seemed to kick harder too . He pretty much spent the whole time kicking his little feet in the raft . The second half of the class is playtime and lesson for the babies . We sing songs and teach them a little about being comfortable in the water . So there is dipping the sides of the head in the water and getting them used to getting their heads wet . It was a lot of fun . The only thing was the little guy got a little cold near the end . But he warmed up pretty quickly afterwards snuggled up in a towel and then had a nice nap in his carrier on the way home . Yesterday was my first Mothers Day as a Mom . It was great ! I got to start off the morning with my Mom and then it was off on the bus home with my little guy . Being able to spend part of Mothers day with my mom was really cool . It was also great that little Robbie was such an angel on the way home . He pretty much slept the whole time . When I got home , I found the card and present he got me . It was so sweet . Then it was off out to dinner with his Dad and Grandad . All in all it was a wonderful day . I 'm looking forward to many more . He went on his first bus ride to get there . That was when I found out that you needed to get a ticket for your infant even if they are riding for free . Thankfully my bus driver said he would wait if it took a few minutes . The rest of the week was filled with lots of being cute and hanging out with his grandparents . We went to the museum to talk about antique ice cream scoops with one of the volunteers . There was ladies night at Home Hardware . Visiting with relatives and then there was the big cottage dinner on Saturday night where he met all of his Aunties and Uncles from the cottage . It was lots and lots of fun , but we 're glad to be back home too . We missed Dad and he missed us . Posted by Right now I 'm visiting my parents with the little guy for a few days . So far we 've mostly just been hanging out at home and having lots of giggles and smiles for his grandparents . Last night though we went out . It was Ladies Night at the Home Hardware . We smuggled him in ( well we did check at the door and they said it was ok as long as he didn 't shop ) and checked it out . It was quite busy and since he was the only boy there ( aside from staff ) , the ladies just couldn 't help themselves and flirted away with him . I think he must have been the most popular person in the store . All this attention tired him out and he ended up passing out in the carrier . Today was the second time we put you in the jolly jumper . The first time dad put you in it was a few weeks ago when it first arrived from your Aunty Jo . The top of the seat reached to just under your chin and you were not overly impressed . Today was a different matter . Yup , today marks the day that he 's officially into size 2 diapers . The size 1 diapers were getting mighty tight on him . We used the very last one late yesterday and he 's now into the comfy size 2 . Bruce just told me that today while I was out on my bike ride ( a mere 20 minutes today ) our wee man managed to roll over from his tummy to his back twice ! I 'm so proud of him . I can 't wait to see it myself . Yup our Robbie is changing every day . Today we were playing on the playmat with Robbie and he was doing a lot of rolling around and trying to roll from his back onto his tummy . He 's been doing pretty well with getting onto his side , but then all of a sudden he managed to roll onto his tummy . It was pretty cool . Now all he has to do is figure out how to get back . He 's not so fond of being on his tummy . We were so proud of him . Looks like our Robbie likes Hockey as much as his Dad . Last night the Pittsburg / Tampa Bay game was on the TV and he was mesmerized by it . I think at this point it 's really lots of movement on contrast that interests him right now , but I 'm sure he and his Dad will be talking hockey soon enough . A little while ago I was changing my wee man 's outfit for the third time today and I noticed something on the interesting side . He tends to laugh and make neat noises when I have him on the changing table so his mouth was wide open . And what do I see on his bottom gums , but two little white bumps ! Looks like teeth are going to be here soon . I was kind of hoping it would be much later than this , but apparently not . I knew I was doomed with the amount of drool he 's been producing this week . There is something about the change table in Robbie 's room that he really loves . Almost every time we put him there to change his diaper he becomes Mr . Happy Smiley Guy . He makes all sorts of happy sounds and smiles . He does little dances and generally has fun interacting with us . It 's probably that he 's happy he 's getting that nasty wet diaper changed to a new one , but still it 's nice . We will often stay for a little while talking and tickling him on the change table . Of course every once in awhile he is Mr . Cranky and screams his little head off while we are changing his diaper . Thankfully though , it is fairly infrequent now . When is was much smaller he would scream to get the diaper changed and scream the whole way through . Our little guys is learning some new skills . He 's starting to connect the grabbing reflex with picking things up . Yesterday he accidentally picked up some plastic keys and was looked very surprised . I put his Sophie giraffe in his hands a couple of times and he waved it about a bit . So we will have to see this week what he does . Posted by Today was our follow up with our Cardiologist at Sick Kids . It went very well . Looks like we have a healthy kid . They don 't want to see us again for a year . He 's been cleared to be a totally normal kid with no restrictions ! We are ever so pleased about that . He had sedation today and didn 't like it one little bit . I 've never seen the poor guy cry so hard . The sedation medication tastes really horrible apparently . He 's been pretty chill for the most part since he 's had the sedation , however , he has been far more alert and awake than we had expected . I 'm hoping he actually sleeps tonight since he 's been asleep for most of the day . Our little Robbie is working on making a variety of sounds . One of them is something that we think is him trying to laugh . He just sounds like a teradactyl . It is just far too cute as far as I 'm concerned . Right now he 's lying on a play mat while I type this hopefully tiring himself out to go to bed . He is such a night owl . We 'll have to try and get it on tape to have a record of it . He 's changing and growing so fast it 's amazing and I have to stop and remind myself every day to cherish every moment of it . Posted by |
Struggles within our personal lives , whether it be our past , present or future cause us uncertainty and disrupt the natural flow that we should just go along with . Instead of just enjoying the company of each other , or appreciating the little things we are given each and every day - we sometimes project our own problems on to other people . Nobody is perfect by any means and I am an example of this . I have a troubled past that haunts me each and every day . As I 'm sure everyone knows I dabbled in drugs , STILL struggle with alcohol and have huge abandonment issues . Girls from my past have ruined me . I have walked in on people who were supposed to love me sleeping with other men . I have been on the receiving end of a lot of pain . So in turn I feel like no woman that comes my way could ever possibly be a real " good " girl and I treat them ( Kaiti ) as if it 's only a matter of time before she lets me down . That 's not fair and I know this . I need to learn to let that go . THAT was my past . Today I stare down the barrel of a shotgun , constantly pressured to make ends meet . Because of the stress I cannot be myself . I was doing so well being sober and I was very happy and I felt great everyday . But somehow I found myself right back in the thick of it again . It is incredible how I lose my entire self through this . It effects everyone around me . It 's something I am working on and I hope to get completely clean someday soon . I 've heard that people say what they mean when they are drunk . But I 'll tell you what , I can 't remember ever waking up and saying , " Man I 'm glad I said that last night to her . " Alcohol makes you invincible . Period . You do not care who you hurt or what you say as long as you are right . You almost need to say something derogatory to get that reaction and satisfaction that you are looking for . Our present right now is uncertain . The only thing that I know for sure today is that I love this woman . That 's what I know TODAY . I know that for the past 5 + years I have loved this one and only woman . But I am learning toPosted by How do I put the pieces of my life back together ? What do I do with those misshapen parts of myself , the parts that are old , frayed and tattered ? Recovery is the art of making order out of chaos . A person making beautiful patchwork quilts looks at many different shapes of material and puts them together to form a work of art . A quilter will not use every piece , nor will a quilter throw odd shapes away as unfit . An artist will examine each piece to determine whether it will enhance the overall beauty of the final design . As an alcoholic , I become impatient with my own healing process . I want to get rid of all the nasty parts of myself . . . NOW . Any imperfect piece I want to dispose of immediately . Let me take a lesson from the quiltmaker . I will examine all parts of myself before I make decisions to " keep " or " throw out " . Who I am is all I have to work with . There is no need to rip myself apart and start over . With love and patience , I am learning to make order out of my personal chaos . A work of art is in the making . This last month has been awfully draining . I have come to many forks in the road and have taken the wrong one more often than not . After being clean for a little while , I slipped right back into my addiction . It 's not an excuse for the way I 've been behaving , but it is truly the reason . Alcohol makes me invincible . It 's a great feeling to be carefree for awhile , especially when the stress of money and work press on my shoulders every day . I like to hang out at the bar with my friends and just let go . It 's fun to me . But it 's not casual drinking , and it 's not in moderation . I can 't keep it to a few drinks . I fill myself to the top until I can 't drink another drop . This drinking has cost me a lot lately . A lot of money , time and most importantly , my wife . I want to clear something up . This is MY fault . I have been sitting here thinking and thinking and it is clear to me . I love you all very much and appreciate your support but I need to say that I want nobody to have hard feelings towards Kaiti . I did this to myself . Kaiti has put up with more than she 's ever really had to . She is my best friend in the world and we have had way more good times than bad , but it 's the bad times that stick out for some reason . We have been growing old together and raising our beautiful children the best way we know how . She has always been there for me when I really need her and we make each other laugh . She 's my support . My birthday was screwed up because I had to go and get drunk and run my mouth and hurt her feelings . I don 't blame her for not wanting to be around . I 'm a mess . She 's truly a good girl and I will spend the rest of my life loving her . I understand that she doesn 't love me anymore because I 'm not Micah these days . I don 't know who I am anymore really . I am hungover as I write this . I don 't even want to look at myself . I 'm the reason we are seperating . She wants some time away to get her stuff together . That 's just the way it is . We told each other that it 's not forever . Not yet . She said I could take her on dates and IPosted by It has been a long time since I have posted anything . It 's not that nothing has been happening , because believe me a lot has . We have gone to the museum and the fun park and everything . Things have been great . Until a couple of days ago . Kaiti was all set to attend her graduation ceremony from PIMA Medical School on Friday . Her father was in town to be in attendance and we were all so excited to watch her walk up on stage to receive her diploma . She received a phone call early that day from her old friend . She was informed that her best friend was hospitalized and the outlook wasn 't so good . David Holland has been in my wife 's life for over 10 years and he was an outstanding guy . He is the Godfather of both of our children and the best friend Kaiti has ever had . He was hardworking . He was kind . He was GREAT with McKenzee , Madden and Mari . He was family . He would call sometimes for Kaiti and I would end up talking to him for long periods about football and we would always make plans to get together and BBQ and watch the game . He took care of my wife when she was down . He was her go to guy . In all the time they knew each other they didn 't fight once . They were very close . David had a problem though . Almost like the demons I had in my past . I struggled for a long time with drugs . Mainly heroine and Meth . I 'm still not sure how I escaped the grip of them , but I did . Maybe it was when I got the call from Mom when she wasn 't doing well and I had to leave the state and come to Colorado . David 's demon was pills . It was bad . Kaiti had expressed to me her concern before . But it 's only pills , right ? Recently , Kaiti had gone to his mother and expressed her concern which resulted in him moving back into his parents house so he could get clean . He was doing so well there . He was fixing himself and everything was great . When Kaiti would talk to him she would always relay the message of how well he was getting . But this night , he must have been lonely . . . . . desperate . . . . couldn 't sleep . Late on Thursday night he recieved a phone callPosted by It makes me so happy as a husband to announce that my little bride is currently finishing her last day of school today . I am so proud of my Kaiti that I don 't know how to put it into words . She has so much potential and has blown me away with how smart she is . I tried to help her with her homework , but honestly , it was a bit much for me . It just made sense to her . The amount of abbreviations you have to learn is in the thousands and she just memorized them like it was nothing . We 're talking about a girl who suffered a serious brain injury not too long ago and has had trouble remembering anything , even things that happened recently . A girl who would tell you the same story several times because she doesn 't remember telling you already . A girl who would tell me she wanted to see a movie . . . that we already saw in the theater . But it 's a girl who is so motivated to do good for herself and dedicated to proving everyone wrong . She is a role model to me . I remember in the past years how sad she was all the time . She just felt like she wasn 't going to be able to reach her full potential . She had to drop out of school after her car accident and was at a stalemate in her life . Staying home everyday taking care of the children and not doing much else with her life to make HER happy . I believed in my girl when I mustered up the money to send her off to get her GED ( which she aced ) , I believed in my girl when she enrolled in school the very next day , and I believe in my girl today , as she will graduate with a whopping 3 . 9 GPA . She 's the first in her family to graduate from college . I AM SO VERY HAPPY AND PROUD OF YOU , KAITLIN . YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND YOU CONTINUE TO AMAZE ME . CONGRATULATIONS BEAUTIFUL . I LOVE YOU . Sorry I haven 't been around as much as I 'd like , but I am having real trouble with my mouth . I got two more teeth pulled , and it was miserable . It wouldn 't be so bad if they were " teeth " instead of shards that have been shifting around under my gums . None of these " teeth " have come out easy . These ones required stitches . I still have to have 4 or 5 more pulled . I am going to have no teeth left . But the dentist has a plan for me so whatever . I can barely focus on the computer screen right now from the throbbing going on in my face . What 's worse is another of my bad " teeth " has become absesce today . I am still not healed from my first dentist appointment either . Dr . Smart ( my dentist ) says it 's because they had to remove bone from my jaw and that takes longer to heal . Plus there are still root tips embedded into the sawed - down jawbone . I can 't even tell you the pain I 'm in . I originally wanted to just knock it out quick , but I 'm gonna take it easy for a little and really heal what 's been done so far before I do my next visit . It 's causing me too many problems and I have missed too much work . Oh yeah , and when I got my fillings done , the dental assistant couldn 't get the proper bite for one of my teeth , so now my bite is off and it hurts to close my mouth because one tooth feels much taller than the rest . I need to get that fixed somehow . I will try to keep up with everyone as best as I can . Sorry I 'm a big whiner . I just got back from the dentist and I am in some serious pain . The tooth they took out couldn 't be fully removed . The root tips are curled up into my jawbone . My dentist took some bone off to try to get as much as she could and then said " Not even an oral surgeon would go after the rest of that . " I got four fillings also . The cavities were pretty deep so it made for an even more miserable time . I asked for the metal fillings , but they gave me the plastic ones . I also got some periodontic work done on the bottom right quadrant of my mouth . They cleaned it up pretty good . You never really know how bad your mouth situation is until you have a dentist prodding around in there . So , I am in some major pain , waiting for this Vicodin to kick in and it is off to bed for me . One quadrant done , $ 800 down . Three more to go . I haven 't even got the major stuff done yet and I already wanna quit . The dentist assured me that the worst of it was over , judging by the x - rays . I hope that 's true . This is going to be a heck of a process I just wanted to tell everyone how scared I am of tomorrow . It is part one of what is destined to be a LONG series of terrible dentist visits . Tomorrow I begin with the biggest trouble tooth . It is a molar on the bottom that no longer really exists . Just a few roots poking through the gums . They have to cut the gums open , drill through the center to crack it into three and then pull each root out one - by - one . Then they get to stitch the gums back up . I am also getting four fillings . I am not excited at all . I 'll be happy when it 's all finished but as of now . . . . I 'm terrified . I 'll update you all tomorrow . Two weeks down . Sober and smoke free . I really think I can kick this thing . It 's definately not easy though . We move forward . Anyway , I start doing my teeth work in about a week and a half . I am very excited . I hate my teeth . At least my molars and wisdom teeth . I can 't wait to have some pearly whites . I 'm not looking forward to the pain though . Kaiti and I have a tasting party to go to on Saturday at Mt Vernon so we can choose what food we will have at our wedding . It 's also a cake tasting , but Hannah is doing the cake , so we 'll just amuse them and eat it anyway . I 'm very excited for the wedding . I can 't wait to see Kaiti in her dress . She is such a knockout . I think since I have started taking myself seriously , I have fallen so much further in love with her because of what I 've put her through . She has always been there for me and she is very strong . She 's my absolute best friend . Mom and David get here tomorrow . That will be a nice treat . I haven 't seen them in what seems like forever and I can 't wait . Maybe they can attend the tasting party . Jonahs birthday is Thursday . The baby is getting so old . He has grown up alot . If you compared him to how he was a couple of years ago it 's like night and day . He 's very in love too . Our lease runs up on March 31st . We know that we want something bigger so the kids can have some space , but we have been kicking around this idea of moving to Georgia next year so we can be closer to Kaitis dad and stepmom . I miss the eastcoast and the ocean and yes , Jersey . This way I 'd be closer to the ocean as well . Nothing against you , Momma , I know there 's ocean there too , but I am terrified of earthquakes ( and traffic ) . Anyway , back to my point . We don 't know if we should just stick it out here and re - sign for one more year or if we should start over in a new place just to move again in a year . Personally , I think if we could just keep this place clean then it 's plenty big for the time being . It 's a bit crowded , but we would have to pay around $ 200 more per month for a 3 bedroom . I am siPosted by Well , today is my one week anniversary of sobriety . Not only have I not had a lick of alcohol but I have also not had even a drag of a cigarette . It feels good . I just feel so much better . As for my teeth , I was unable to find any help getting CareCredit , so I will just deal with the pain and wait it out until I can get my credit back to normal . It jumped from 517 to 570 this month and I am making more progress so it should jump higher next month as well . I am really trying my hardest to get well and be a good person . Well , I went to the dentist today and got the rundown . I guess after insurance and everything it is going to cost me $ 4855 . On one hand that 's a lot , but on the other hand I was really expecting it to be more like $ 20 , 000 . My friend had his teeth all fixed and it cost him $ 14 , 000 and I know a guy who paid almost $ 30 , 000 . So , all of my fronts are just fine ( 6 on top , 12 on bottom ) , but all of my wisdom teeth have to go . There are about 4 other teeth that need to go . Luckily on three sides I have enough teeth left or savable that she can bridge my top right , but I will need an implant on the top left to bridge that side . No big deal . My first real appointment is on Monday but I 'm probably going to have to miss it because without CareCredit I have to pay the cost upfront . How is it that I can go to the hospital and get major surgery or whatever and they can just bill me , but when it comes to dental it 's PAY NOW . It 's stupid . More people would get their teeth fixed if they could just make payments . It 's frustrating . I have my mind set on getting better . I still haven 't smoked or drank and I am feeling SO good and positive . I have lost almost 10 pounds this week . I drink homemade fruit smoothies for breakfast and lunch ( they are SO good and filling ) and I have a good dinner . I have been working out like crazy even making a workout journal to keep track of my non - Wii progress and my diet and I am even enrolling in The University of Phoenix to take online classes in either IT Networking OR Human Services . Things are going great . All I need is a co - signer . No money or anything . Just a co - signer to help me get CareCredit . They say it will come down to $ 116 / month payments for everything to get done . If anyone could help that would be the greatest gift of all . Guess whos teeth are acting up now ? Kaiti 's . It wasn 't enough that I have been up for the past three nights moaning and groaning , now Kaiti is in major pain . I gave her a Vicodin but it didn 't help much . I got up early this morning , put the kids in the car and headed out to Comfort Dental again . My mouth was on fire because I couldn 't take a pain killer before we left because I would 've crashed the car . Painkillers and me , we 're friends and all , but we don 't do too much besides sleep . So we get there and I 'm corralling the kids while Kaiti is being attended to . Now , I thought I hated the dentist . Kaiti HATES the dentist . I don 't mind the extractions and drills and things like that , but keep that little scraper away from me . Stop puncturing me teeth and ripping up my gums . So , they gave Kaiti the option of a root canal for $ 1200 or an extraction for $ 125 . She decided on the extraction after we both failed the application for CareCredit . She started to have an anxiety attack and the dentist turned into a real " donkey " . He tried to just ram the needle into her mouth and she was like , " hold up ! " . He was rude , gave her a referral and a prescription and then mocked her for not being able to pay for the root canal . We left and will never go back to that office . I had a different experience at another Comfort Dental that was very pleasant and the dentist and assistants really seemed to care and were sensitive to my needs . I would have taken her there but the insurance that I just got wasn 't good there and I was going to have to find another office anyway . Long story short : I came home , ditched my current insurance and signed us both up for Careington Dental which is accepted by the Comfort Dental I originally went to . I have to get an extraction tomorrow as long as this swelling is gone by then and we will set Kaiti up for a root canal that will cost her $ 221 under this insurance . Oh , and I have to miss work again . These next two weeks are going to be exciting . Life sure is complicated . I had to miss work last night because of the condition of my mouth and face and today is worse . I have been up all night and my face this morning looks like I have a softball in my cheek . Not good . So it looks like another day off for me . This sucks . Enough is enough . Since I have been drinking at a MUCH slower pace , like once or twice a week , my teeth have been screwing with me . They have always been bad but as long as I 'm drinking , they are happy . I have been having toothache after toothache recently and it 's just been getting worse . I hate my teeth . The fronts aren 't too bad but the backs are just a whole cluster of roots and shards and I am done with it . So , my mouth started swelling today and usually if I have a beer , the swelling goes away . But I 'm feeling like a new Micah these days . I am so determined to be smokin ' hot for myself and my beautiful wife that I decided that now is the time . I have 7 months to get right . That 's plenty of time as long as I 'm doing it the right way . So I went to Comfort Dental and for $ 19 they did a very extensive review of my mouth , X - Rays and all . I was prescribed the usual ( Amoxicillin and Vicodin ) and a medicated mouthwash to help fix my periodontal gum disease . I go back on Saturday morning to get at least one extraction and to go over my personalized plan that my dentist is preparing for me tonight . She said the bottoms can be salvaged but I 'll probably have to have 5 more extractions . So , Bridges and crowns and root canals and even implants are in the near future . I 'm over it . I don 't care about the pain anymore . I just want to be normal again . On the workout front , I recieved my Mario Lopez Knock - Out Fitness book today as well as my Men 's Health workout video that came with my subscription . So that 's exciting . I 'm telling you that the old Micah is history . I haven 't even smoked a single cigarette in 2 days . That 's a start . I 'll keep you all updated . So I went without exercise for 6 days because there has been a lot going on and when I stepped onto my Wii this morning I had gained 2 pounds . I guess that 's no big surprise though . I was eating alot , and there was Valentines day at the Cheesecake factory . We definately took advantage of that delicious food . The bill was the only unappetizing thing at the place . Oh , and the 2 hour wait to get a table . But once we got sat it was on . It was Jonah and Jen and Kaiti - bean and me . We started out with some scrumptuos lettuce wraps and Buffalo snackers . Then we each had a ceasar salad ( except Kaiti had a plain ol ' house salad ) . After that we had our main course . Kaiti had a combo of Steak Diane and Jumbo Shrimp , I had Orange Chicken , Jonah had some steak concoction and Jen had a Skirt steak or something . For dessert , Kaiti and I had the Tuxedo cheesecake and Jonah and Jen got the Cookie Dough Cheesecake . Man it was good . BUT , fattening . So I took a step backwards . I am still having trouble with booze , but I am finding that I can go days without it now . I hope to be beer free soon . I 'm not making any excuses but before I would drink every chance I had . If I got off at 11 : 55 and the liquor store was still open , I 'd be there . If I had the day off , I was drinking . I 'm getting alot better at coming home and getting into bed with my wife and actually spending time with them on my days off . It 's just going to take time . But come wedding time , I will be a new man . Like I said in my last post , Kaiti and I have decided on October 3rd , 2009 as our wedding date . It 's on a Saturday and the ceremony will be early . Like 11 AM or so . That way , the Country Club waives the $ 1800 room and site fee . We wanted October because we are both in love with the colors of Autumn and the way the trees look and the leaves skipping across the street and the brisk mountain air that gives us relief from the summer heat . We decided on an early October because we still wanted a little September warmth to it . I decided to look up our wedding date on Yahoo ! tPosted by Just a quick update : Kaiti and I went to Mt Vernon yesterday and it was stunning . So , Mt Vernon it is . Our official date is set for OCTOBER 3RD , 2009 . Hopefully everyone can make it . It 'd really mean alot . You are all invited . Almost five years ago you were almost killed in a car crash right outside my work . I have fuzzy memories of the day that it happened because I did not know you then . But fate brought us together and we have been going strong ever since . Thank you for being my very best friend . Thank you for loving me . Thank you for allowing me to love you . Above all though , thank you for your patience . I am a real handful and I know that . I am trying to get better for you because I know you deserve the very best . I know I will get there . You have been my rock and my heart for the past 4 years . Although we have had some rocky times , we have always gotten through them together . Please remember that I love you wholeheartedly yesterday , today and forever . I can 't wait for our wedding day . Nothing is better to me than laying in bed with my favorite girl , running my fingers through your hair and massaging your hip as we fall asleep . You 're the reason I wake up . You 're the reason I smile , cry and laugh . It 's crazy to think back to that day and wonder where my life would be at this point had I never met you or had you died . I like to say that where your life nearly ended , ours began . I am so grateful for you . Everyday I am thankful . You are my strength and my heart and I will continue to do right for you and protect you . Thank you for our beautiful children . They are so perfect and they are a direct reflection of you . You are a great mother and our babies love you so much . Thank you for everything baby . Although I have saved your life several times , it was truly you who has saved mine . I love you Kaiti - bean . Happy Valentines Day . Love forever , Micah We 're not sure yet , but I 'd say we 're pretty sure . We found a place in the mountains of Golden , CO that has so much to offer our wedding . It is BREATHTAKING . Surrounded by trees for miles and miles ( which in the fall are going to be just perfect ) and the best view of the Rocky Mountains I have ever seen . The place said that if we have our wedding on a Saturday between 8AM - 4PM , they would waive the room rental fee . That 's what I like to hear . I don 't know how we are going to pay for everything but Kaiti 's stepmom is being very generous and helpful in our planning . We won 't have all the bells and whistles and we will skimp wherever we can , but I REALLY want the wedding to be special . I am only getting married ONE time , and fortunately for me it 's to the most beautiful person I know . Oh , man - I 'm so excited . We have been planning our butts off and October just can 't come soon enough . So . . . without further ado , SAY HELLO TO MOUNT VERNON COUNTRY CLUBYOU CAN SEE FOREVER FROM HERETHE VIEW FROM THE RECEPTION HALLHOLY MOLY LOOK AT THAT VIEW ! ! ! ! This working out thing was going pretty good until my weigh in yesterday . I had been going to the gym and working out at home and eating less and better and not drinking . I stepped on the scale and after that whole week , I had only lost . 2 pounds . Ugh . I started at 187 and Kaiti said I should go down 15 pounds . But the more I think about it , I 'd like to get closer to 200 . But muscle . Not this belly . I think if I lost 15 pounds , I 'd be scrawny and weak . I don 't want that . I want to be diesel . I was doing my pushups on the Wii and I remembered how Josiah used to drop down at any given time and ask us " How many pushups should I do ? " . In any case , I need to lose this stomach , and work out my arms and chest until I can 't take the pain anymore . In other news , Kaiti and I went to our first prospective wedding site . It is a little chapel up on a hill called Three Trees Chapel . It was very cute and it had a nice view out the windows , but the reception hall downstairs was way too small . It was also pretty pricey . So , we keep looking . As for the wedding , Kaiti and I have been fighting about a few things . She is a Catholic and I am not . Her religion says she can 't wear a white wedding dress because she isn 't a virgin . That kinda pisses me off . I have been envisioning her walking down the aisle in a stunning white dress with a long train and vail . She says she will wear ivory instead . That 's like grayish isn 't it ? It drives me crazy . Doesn 't the song go " Here comes the bride , all dressed in WHITE ? " We 'd have to change it to OFF - White . It 's not the same . Then she thinks the guys should wear sneakers . What kind of wedding are you planning on , babe ? That 's something you do to be cool at your high school prom , not your wedding . Also , she is determined to have a stripper at her bachelorette party and I really feel strongly against that . I don 't feel there is any place for that . It 's nasty and if you feel like you need someone else rubbing there privates on you then you have no need to get married . I would never disrespect her that wPosted by So , that Wii is a real pain in my behind . Literally . I can barely walk . I 've done about a half hour of exercises the past two days and I am down 2 . 9 pounds . My goal was 15 pounds in 2 months , but I think I 'm going to smash that . I regret not stretching the first time though because I am having a hard time getting these cramps out . But , so far , so good . Kaiti and I are looking for a place to get married and we just can 't decide . We like Red Rocks , but they only allow you to use their vendors . That won 't work for us because her cousin Tony is a photographer , her brothers restaurant can cater , her cousins girlfriend is a make - up artist and I was hoping Hannah would make the cake . So , we have to keep looking . If anyone has any ideas , I 'd love to hear them . Kaiti is doing great in school and only has a few months left . I am so proud of her . I am seriously contemplating online schooling at The University of Phoenix for IT / Networking or IT / Technology . I 've been having a hard time because I really can 't afford to pay extra every month for school and the few times I have attempted to get into school , the financial aid would only cover about half . That 's great and all , but we 're cutting it close as it is . Things will be grand when there are two incomes . I may have to take the night off tonight because I had the hardest time ever last night getting up and down the stairs at the restaurant . There are about 35 - 40 stairs to get to the top . Getting up actually was alot easier than getting down the stairs . I need to remember to stretch . This morning I did 750 hula hoop twirls and ran a couple of times through the Wii park . It 's great fun . I need to go rest for a bit and try to get ready for work . Hopefully I 'll be good to go . Ok , Ok . . . I have been very lazy with this computer thing lately . I just can 't muster up the energy to go type . So much has been going on though so it 's time for an update . Kaiti and I consider ourselves " married " . We have for a couple of years now . But these dull , scratched sterling silver bands just aren 't enough . I really wanted Kaiti to know just how much I love her and so I maxed out a credit card or two at a jewelry store that was going out of business . 70 % OFF ! ! ! ! I just had to . We went to the mall to go look at dogs ( because one day , I hope to own a baby English Bulldog ) . Sure it won 't be anytime soon , but I love to imagine having my puppy to rassle with and to plop down with us when we watch a movie . The pet store reportedly had a baby girl bulldog and I wanted to go say hi . She was cute , but sick . She was shaking and her eyes were in the back of her head . Plus her price tag was $ 2600 . That 's a bit much . But it was fun to hang out with her . Then we took Kenzee to get her ears pierced because she has wanted pink diamond earrings for a long time . She says it would make her look " purfact " . It broke my heart when they pierced them because she was clearly in alot of pain . But she got her pink " diamonds " and she loves them now that they don 't hurt . So off we went through the foodcourt and we ran into a blowout sale at a jeweler and Kaiti wanted to just look . I knew that deep down she really wanted a real ring . I 've wanted to get her one for a long time but just couldn 't afford it . " Nothing too fancy " , she said . " Just one diamond on a skinny band " . She liked the princess cut diamonds because the settings didn 't stand too high off of the band . She had one picked out until she saw the price tag . She then moved down to the small diamonds and started to try them on . We left after a little bit and continued to cruise the mall . I made a quick dash to the jeweler as the girls shopped for girls stuff . I told the lady I wanted to get the ring but I wanted it to be a surprise . She seemed like she understood and was going tPosted by Sorry I have been absent for so long . I have had alot going on . I am working two jobs now , 7 days a week , trying to catch up . I have had very little time to do anything at all . I 'm getting there though and soon I will be posting like a mad man again . I have missed you all though . So , what 's new in the world ? It 's a new year of course and I have a very good feeling about it . Kaiti will be finishing school and becoming the first O ' Malley to get a degree ( Yay ! ! ! ! ) . I 'm not sure if she will continue her schooling or just get a job or maybe go to school while she 's working , but they are building a new hospital across the road from us and it would give her a great opportunity . Our holidays were great . Thanks to the parents and grandparents . Money has been tight but we are very blessed with generous family . I 'm not one for presents anymore . I really just enjoy the holiday spirit and the atmosphere . But Momma dearest and David hooked me up with my very own iPod that I 've been wanting FOREVER . It was no fun going to the gym with my CD walkman . Plus our car stereo doesn 't work , BUT if you plug the iPod into it - " Voila ! " It 's a beautiful thing . I have all my pictures on it and like 800 songs , plus a couple TV episodes . I love it . Thank you very much Momma and David . New Years was New Years . I really don 't give a crap about New Years Eve really . As a recovering alcoholic , it 's just another reason to get drunk . I had a few beers and a glass of champagne at midnight . I toasted to becoming a better father , husband , son , friend and brother . I 've been doing very good . I 'm not making any more promises about sobriety though because I think I 'm jinxing myself . I 'm just going to take it one day at a time . I 'm also going to focus on my art again . I watch Noah draw and it 's effortless . He spent some time with us over Christmas and Thanksgiving ( apple - turkeys and graham cracker house building ) , and he would just sit there and draw . He 's a very brilliant man . I wish I had the money to back him and get him published . It may very well be Posted by |
Okay this will probably be a very boring post for women and there are not too many men reading my blog so this may be a waste ! But , I will feel better to get this all out ! I will probably have zero comments . It 's funny I have over three hundred people reading my blog everyday but I have the smallest amount of comments on any blog I have ever seen ! : ) Lurker , lurker ! Oh how I love the lurkers ! : ) I was born with a Dad obsessed with sports . Not just any sports but DALLAS sports . I love to play sports ( sand volleyball to be exact ) and I enjoy playing basketball too . If I did not have three kiddos at home , I would be looking for some kind of women 's league to play on like I did when I was single . Right now I am dying to play tennis but I just don 't see how on earth that can happen with my current mothering status . Maybe someday . Okay , so thanks to my Dad , I really love watching the Dallas Cowboys and Dallas Maverick 's . In fact , he is the one I call when the games are on . Or I call my Father - in - law because he will talk sports with me too . And I have Jeremy ! Last year Jeremy got kind of crazy during football season . I heard some cuss words come out of his mouth during Cowboy season a lot ! We LOVE Cowboy season ! We both listened to Randy Galloway ( l listened to my radio in the kitchen while cooking supper and J listened to it driving home ) , a relentless Terrell Owens hater , back in Dallas and enjoyed his column in the Fort Worth Star Telegram . I have to say that there is no place like Dallas when it comes to sport 's media ! It is insane but , we love it . It makes the fans feel like they are a part of something pretty awesome . So last year at this time , the whole family was sporting Dallas Mavs T - shirts . In fact , the day I found out I was pregnant with Zeke , I was wearing a Dallas Mavs tshirt because we were having a watching party at our house that night for a playoff game . We even had a sign in the yard supporting the Mavericks ! Those game nights became nights of grilling out and cold beer . It was so much fun ! Well , now we posted at 2 : 33 PM It 's been almost a week since I last posted and I wasn 't sure when I was going to be able to do it again . So this will be short and to the point . Here 's the deal . I don 't have time to really do anything any more . The battle comes when I am trying hard to make it all about me when it is all about these kids right now . I have had some friends in the past that get upset when I don 't return their phone calls . Well , if you are my friend now , you have probably figured out that I may never return your call ! This parenting thing is 24 / 7 , totally 24 / 7 ! ! Jeremy has been working some insane hours lately , including Saturdays . It 's not a permanent thing but there is so much he is learning right now that it 's pretty much a necessity . So unless I get up early or stay up really late , we don 't have time together . The hard thing is , we moved here to plant a church . But the past three weeks have proved to be very challenging and we have missed a few Church planting events . Our Pastor is understanding and knows we are settling . When they moved here they did not have events going on for a while so it 's going to take us a little time to get planted and they understand that . Thank God ! But , I am having a hard time understanding it . I WANT to be a part of it . I WANT to be at everything and when I am not , I feel like I am missing out on making memories during the birth of this church . I keep hearing people say , " You 've been here THREE weeks . Give yourself some time , Amanda ! " Right now Zeke takes two naps a day , sometimes three . The two long naps are three hours long ! One in the morning , one in the afternoon . : ) Ava Beth 's nap is three hours long in the afternoon . Josiah rarely takes one but he will if I really want him to . Otherwise , he has quiet time with books or trains or a movie . You would think that I would have time to myself during those nap times but it seems like there is so much to do that time alone is very difficult . I have to admit , I am spoiled . I never went to the grocery store with kids until we moved . Now that is the only wposted at 5 : 17 PM Many of you have asked so I figure it is time to share how we got to Austin . It 's amazing what a little time away can do . This afternoon , I got to have some " me " time . I have not had time alone in quite a while . Actually , it 's been about three weeks and that 's entirely too long for a mother of three ! Or any mother for that matter ! My mind has been full of so many things and my heart has been heavy . I figured there was no better place to spend my two hours away than Starbucks . I arrived at Starbucks , anxious to sit alone and breathe , think and reflect . At that moment I wished for a laptop but pen and paper was all I had . It was then I decided to take advantage of those items and write the old fashion way . Yes , I used my hand writing skills and wrote out our story with pen and paper ! And here 's what came out at Starbucks . It seems that I am in shock mode right now . I still can 't believe I am here . While waiting on my grande , extra hot coffee , it hit me once again that I 'm not in " Kansas " anymore . I mean Dallas ! Standing at the counter , I survey the Starbucks . I look around at all the coffee mugs for sale . Every single time I go into a Starbucks , I am tempted to buy a new mug . Today was no different , except this time I refrained . I did not buy a new coffee mug ! But I decided to go ahead and " window shop " and look . Suddenly I notice one in particular . It said , " STARBUCKS AUSTIN . " Something about seeing that coffee cup made this new journey so real . Just a few months ago , things were different . This , I did not see coming . You might say I was drinking from another cup . Ha ! We had just filed bankruptcy , chapter seven to be exact . Things seem to be looking up and we were on the road to a fresh start . The time had come where we began to feel that going back to a corporate worship service might be a good idea . Really we felt that we needed to do it for the kids . So we decided to go but not get involved for at least a year and maybe never . It 's funny to think back to this chain of events because I can now see what God was doingposted at 11 : 50 PM If you would like to understand more of what we are a part of , please visit my Pastor / Church Planter / friend 's blog . Many of you have been asking a ton of questions and I have been trying to answer them but I think Kyle does a better job of explaining . Let me just say , that some of you have even been confused with my homesickness and sadness . Despite the homesickness , I have not doubted God one time . I have not doubted this calling he placed on our lives to move to Austin ( Tonight I will write about this ) . My struggle is not doubt . Also one of my family members has been reading my blog and feels that I am not happy due to the tone of the last few blogs . I don 't have a lot of time to write but let me say this for the record . Happy comes and goes . Buying a pair of shoes makes me happy ! Buying a pair of shoes does not bring JOY ! So I don 't even like to use that word . Right now I may be struggling in my pursuit of happiness but I am NOT struggling in my pursuit of JOY . Joy is in my gut , it goes way down into my belly and I 've got it ! If I didn 't have joy , then you should all be worried . Can I get an amen out there from moms trying to take care of three kids , the house , the husband and yourself ? It 's a hard job . It 's the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and for thirty - one years I lived in Dallas and now I live somewhere new while trying to take care of a three kids ( one of them being a newborn ) . My husband has a new job and there is so much change that I am having to throw myself at the feet of JESUS daily . So , I may not sound happy but I just need time to adjust . I would appreciate some bloggity blog prayers ! Labels : adjusting , church planting Okay , I am tired so I don 't feel like writing anything very significant so I will just list some stuff going on . How about that ? I could go to bed but blogging helps me unwind and it 's quiet around here . So here 's a big list of things I have running through my brain right now . 1 . My hair is driving me crazy . I would love to go back to the days of being platinum blonde and it being so short that I did nothing but rub some product in it ( CREW for Men is my favorite ) and go . I 'm not joking , I would spike it up , mess it up and even wear a cute fohawk for a girl ! I loved it and so did everyone else . But , I think Jeremy would FREAK out and I think I would miss having hair I can put in a ponytail . Seriously though , my hair has major breakage and I am sick of it . I never wear it down . Never ! My mom lives three hours away and with me having three kids , I have figured out that it is not realistic for me to drive to her salon and get my hair done . There is no way I can afford to keep up these highlights if I have to pay . Soooo , now I am thinking about going dark brown again ! It would be easy , so easy and it was kind of fun being a brunette . 2 . I need a break from the house , the kids and even the dog . I want to go somewhere all by myself and sit . Actually I want to take my Bible and read the book of Acts . I 've read Acts before but I am feeling drawn to it again and my friend Vivian suggested I read it again . So I think I may sneak away tomorrow afternoon ( Jeremy will be home early ) and read ! 3 . Today is my Pastor 's birthday . Jeremy went to his house tonight for a Heroes watching party ( one of our favorite shows ) and I stayed home with the kids . It 's weird typing , " my pastor " . I have not had a pastor in a long time but I sure am glad I have one now . And yes , I have been homesick but my pastor sent me an email last night and commented on my blog about this funk I 've been in . It helped a lot . Yeah , let 's face it , confirmation from him is good from time to time . 4 . A ton of friends called me today to check on me . I always know who iposted at 12 : 05 PM Okay so I have been trying to post pictures for an hour ! No luck with BLOGGER OR ROCKYOU ! UGH ! I have some incredible pictures of the kids and the beautiful Hill Country in Austin . I guess I will try again tomorrow . Labels : Austin , blessings I can honestly say that I have never been in this spot before . Never . I have never lived outside of the Dallas - Fort Worth Metroplex . Everything I have known to be familiar and comfortable has changed . Even as I type this , I can 't stop the tears . I did not see this coming . I truly felt that it wouldn 't be too hard because we knew the Lord brought us here . I know , I know , that sounds silly . I should know better than that ! But , wow ! My heart is really having a hard time transitioning . I have even cried over the big , gigantic , full grown , oak tree in the front yard at the old house . Only twigs in my yard here . ( I 'm sure God will speak to me through those baby trees . I am sure I could find some symbolism there . ) Hebrews 11 : 1Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen ; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see . And this is what I cling to . Despite the lump in my throat from feeling homesick , I still know that we heard right ! Labels : Faith This morning I am struggling . Struggling with some things that are between me and God . I am wrestling in my spirit . My flesh has me going in one direction , while the spirit that lives inside of me , has me going in another . There is a pattern in my life and it always starts in my mind . I physically feel and emotionally feel that the Lord is pressing in and bringing about things to purify this decision we have made to move to Austin . As much as I understand how REAL life is and how REAL it is no matter where you are , my flesh had this silly idea that things would be easier . But , it 's not easier . Instead , I think it 's harder . There are many reasons why I think this is hard but I feel that instead of writing them for all eyes to see and judge , I will voice them to my Heavenly Father . He 's my safe place and with Him , I will not find judgement . In Him I will find rest , encouragement and affirmation . And that is so what I need right now . The world cannot give me those things in the way that I need them . My husband just came upstairs , looked over my shoulder as I sat here wondering what to type next and said something that makes total and perfect sense . " It 's growing pains , Babe . That 's all it is . " You know ? He 's right . The things I am struggling with come in form of growing pains . And the great thing about growing pains is they give me proof . Proof that I am GROWING ! I long to grow in the Lord . As I talk to God constantly about what I am feeling , one of the things I have always prayed is this . " Father , help me to grow in YOU , not in the things of this world . " That prayer may not makes sense to you but I know what it means and so does He . There is something really big that plays a huge part in this wrestling going on in my mind right now . God 's word . I haven 't been in it ! I have written in blogs before about how much God 's word changes me . It is something I know has power and if I tap into that power , my entire outlook changes . It 's that powerful ! The Word has a heartbeat . It 's living , breathing and life changing . At timesposted at 11 : 07 AM PawPaw is here for the weekend and since he has worked for Union Pacific Railroad for thirty - four years , he knows trains and Josiah loves trains . He could not wait for PawPaw to arrive so they could play trains . Now my brother is working for UP as a Conductor and Josiah thinks that is the coolest thing he has ever heard of . I have mentioned in previous posts on this blog about us living near a UP Railroad track so the sound of trains is constant . Josiah could not be happier , especially if we have to sit at the crossing and wait for one to pass . So this one is for Uncle Josh . " We got ' em piled up in the Hill Country . The main line is torn out due to a massive pile up at Hutto / Austin sub . ! The derailment has been closed out as human factor due to Conductor Trainee , Josh Livingston , running through a main line switch and making a reverse move ! Livingston has been drug tested and removed from service , pending a formal investigation ( His Dad , James Pierce , DMM , refuses to comment ) . " : ) Ha , ha ! Just kidding Uncle Josh ! You are the best Conductor ever ! But from the looks of these trains in the picture , you still have lots to learn ! Labels : trains The parents are here and that means one thing ! MY MOM HAS THE BABY MONITOR ! ! ! ! ! WOO HOO ! I promised homemade waffles , bacon , eggs . etc . , as long as she wakes up with the baby at 6am ! I told her it would be more like 7AM ! This is the ONE time I don 't feel an ounce of guilt for LYING ! Between me and you , he will be up at 6am ! I am tired folks ! I got nothing else to say ! The night writer needs some sleep ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Labels : family , the night writer In case you have not figured it out by now , I am a night person . But oh how I long to be a morning person . Morning people , I admire . They just seem to be totally opposite of me and also seem to have their head a little more together than me . And wouldn 't you know , I am married to a morning person . He is the kind of guy that doesn 't need an alarm because he wakes up with the birds . NOT ME ! So my girls in the RC camp , I am the one to call when you want to make a midnight run to Wal Mart or HEB plus ( I am starting to really like that HEB Plus ! ) ! Those trips are the best ! Not this weekend but the next , RC will participate in the Relay For Life . We will be up ALL NIGHT LONG and at first I thought there was no way on earth I would even TRY to do that with three kids but now I am thinking how much fun it will be ! Maybe the kids can stay with grandparents ( if I can convince one of them to meet me in Waco to get them for the weekend ) or they can stay in the tent with some of the other kids . Regardless , I am a night owl and I work best late at night and I have more fun late at night and I make people laugh late at night and I do impersonations late at night and I do things late at night that I would never do during the day because I AM A NIGHT OWL ! My Dad started this . I remember when I was a little girl , my Mom would fall asleep every single night while watching TV . But my Dad came alive . This is when I learned to appreciate midnight snacks ! Slices of cheddar cheese on saltine crackers and a big glass of ice milk ! Yes , ice milk . And how can I forget my first scary movies ? Jack the Ripper and Hush , Hush Sweet Charlotte and countless episodes of The Twilight Zone . Oh sure , this may be why I am fearful sometimes . But , these are great memories and I inherited my love for the night from my Dad . If you have a movie marathon , a DVD series movie night or you want to play cards into the early mornings hours , I 'm your girl ! My mom used to get so aggravated because I would stay up late as a teenager and then come home after school and naposted at 11 : 00 PM One of my very best friends back from Junior High , Janna , used to always say in our passed notes in the hallway , " I love your guts ! " It stuck with me . We have all heard people say , " I hate your guts " but I love your guts isn 't something you usually hear . So I say it to my Mom , I say it to Janna and I say it to Kelly Ann . And if I tell you that I love your guts , I really mean I love your guts . It sounds silly , but it 's powerful . At least I think so ! So for my friends that love me just as I am , guts and all , here is a blog you won 't mind reading because once again , I share my guts ! My husband worked a twelve hour day today . Twelve hours ! This also means I worked a twelve hour day . No breaks ! I remember when I just had one child and napped every single day when he did . Actually having a newborn was tough in the beginning , especially since he was my first but after a few months , I got a lot of sleep . Then came baby number two twenty - three months later . It was tough in the beginning but Ava Beth began sleeping through the night at eleven weeks and through the help of the Baby Wise book , I managed to get the kids on a similar schedule . I was blessed indeed because they BOTH took three hour naps at the same exact time every single day until about four months ago when Josiah , my four year old , dropped naps . Twenty - four months after Ava Beth was born , Ezekiel was born . Josiah no longer naps but he is pretty easy , Ava Beth still takes a three hour nap every day and Zeke naps too . But , having three is without a doubt , 100 % , the hardest thing EVER ! Don 't get me wrong . One is hard and two is hard but I have to tell you that THREE is harder . All of you moms out there that have more than three , I truly believe you are AMAZING . Praise the Lord , my three month old sleeps all night but I am still exhausted . Actually , I am beyond exhausted . I knew it would be hard living three hours away from my Mom and three and a half hours away from my in - laws and Dad . My Dad came over just about every other day and I was able to run out to go taposted at 11 : 03 PM I knew deep down that God was going to put us with a church plant . What I didn 't know was that it would be to help do the actual planting . Well , sometimes I did but I just couldn 't figure out how . If I go back to the archives of my blog , I can read about the journey my husband and I have been on . Several months ago I talked about having a burden for my neighbors and wondering if I was supposed to start having breakfast or brunch on Sunday mornings in my home and invite the neighbors ( This is what Church planting is ) . Just about every single night I would lay in bed wondering what that really looked like . Back in forth in my mind was this whole idea in my head of what church was and what I did not want it to be . Could I have people over for breakfast and show them Jesus without talking about Jesus ? Could I be friends with an unbeliever , a homosexual or whoever else the church decides is not worthy and love them for who they were ? I felt like I could . A few weeks ago , my husband had a conversation with someone about us moving and helping plant this church . I heard the questions he was asked . " Does your Pastor preach out of his home on Sundays ? Is that how y ' all do church ? " I listened in as Jeremy tried to explain that Kyle was not preaching right now but investing in the community . He tried to explain that " church " for us was different than what others may be experiencing because we are at the very beginning . A lot of churches say they have church plants in other areas but really they are more like satellite campuses . If a church decides to start another church , they usually send some of their core members to the new location to get it going . Instantly they have members ! And that in my opinion , is pretty easy to do . What we are a part of is nothing like that at all . So as Jeremy begins to explain that we are spending our time focusing on the community , he shares about Teacher Breakfasts that Resonate Community has been doing . " Sometimes they do things like go to schools in the area and serve breakfast . They don 't puposted at 12 : 15 AM This Friday we will have our first out of town guests come to stay with us in our new home . I am so excited ! I 'm looking forward to making homemade waffles ( with my new waffle maker that I got for my birthday from Jeremy ) , eggs , bacon and countless pots of coffee for breakfast Saturday morning . Saturday we will stay close by because we have a big birthday bash to attend , then maybe Sunday we can go eat breakfast or lunch at one of the places Rachel Ray featured on $ 40 a day in Austin called Taco Xpress or Cafe Josie on 6th street . Both sound " yummo " ! My Mom doesn 't know this yet but as soon as Josiah sees her , she will be reminded that he longs to take her to the Disney Store outlet in Roundrock so she can buy him a few things . It 's close by so I think she will agree and asking my Mom if she wants to go to a huge outlet center is like asking a child if he / she wants a cookie ! She can 't say no , she just can 't . I know her too well ! And since my Mom is coming in town that means my hair stylist is coming too ( she is the hair stylist ) ! This means I get FRESH highlights this weekend ! Woo hoo ! Nothing better than FREE highlights ! She even has a portable dryer that we are going to keep at my house ! Of course after they leave , my kids will need to be on Grandparent detox ! If they spent two days here , that means the detox will last AT LEAST four days . You can always count on doubling the detox based on the time they spent with any grandparent . It 's very difficult for my children to come back to reality when they have spent a lot of time with these people ! In fact , it sometimes results in me calling the grandparents and saying , " YOU DID THIS SO YOU COME GET THEM ! " But now that the drive is three hours , I don 't think I will have that option . My friend Erika said that her almost three year old daughter came home after spending a week with grandma asking for sweet tea ! I don 't know about you but I have never felt that giving sweet tea to a two year old is a good thing ! But when left in the care of a grandmother , you just never knoposted at 9 : 10 AM Well , I spent most of the afternoon at something called " CPD " , also known as Church Planter Development . I have been to a couple of them before . One was with our old church that was also a church plant and the other was when we came here for our initial visit to Austin . There is a lot of information to take in and a lot of processing to go through once you leave and for me I would say a lot of wrestling as well . But this is why we are here , this is the stuff we love and to be a part of it is amazing . I know there will be many more blogs I write just about this journey we are on as we help plant a church . Our leader is awesome ! We trust him , we love his vision and we appreciate his heart . Today was fun ! Even though it was filled with a lot of information , it was enjoyable . These people are our family . It 's a family we have chosen and that makes it even more incredible . We all live down the road from one another and I have already learned that we are all here to help one another since none of us have family here . I can 't even begin to tell you how cool it is to be a part of something brand new , to be present for the actual birth ! The bond we will share during this process will be unbelievable . Everyone asks , " Where do y ' all meet ? " Well , we don 't have a Sunday service yet . Jeremy and I are so glad that our Church Planter / Leader / Pastor is not spending all of his time trying to get a building , trying to find a school to have service , trying to buy a sound system ( which this is usually the first thing a new church does ) . Instead , we are reaching out to the community first . So since we don 't have Sunday service , everyone usually goes to service twice a month . One Sunday is spent at Mitch 's church ( Kyle 's coach and our CPD trainer ) and another Sunday is spent at a local sponsor church which happens to be in our neighborhood . The other Sundays are spent with one another . Tomorrow was not a scheduled church day but now it is . During CPD today , Mitch asked if I would be available to sing at his church tomorrow . For some reasoposted at 11 : 00 PM I started reading Beth Moore 's blog a few months back . My mom reads it too and we both love reading what Beth has to say . There is something about Beth that makes me feel normal during all my outbursts of emotion as a wife , a mother , a friend and a daughter . Especially after reading this . I also feel a little bond with Beth since she named her daughter Amanda . Beth and my mother both felt the name Amanda was a name fitting for their daughters and that 's pretty neat . ( If you have not read Beth Moore 's blog lately , please click on the link I have in the above paragraph before you continue reading this post . ) During the last six years , I have run into a lot of women that have a hard time admitting that their marriage is not perfect . I don 't care how long you have known your husband or how much you pray together , have sex together or whatever else , your marriage is not perfect . Now don 't get mad at me ladies ! I am not trying to make you think you have a bad marriage . For some of you it 's easier than it is for others . But to be quite frank , it 's hard for me . It 's hard most of the time ! I do believe that there are couples out there that have conquered things I have yet to conquer in my marriage . The longer you are married , the more you are able to let things go and not concentrate so much on the negative . Time helps everything and time helps you grow in your relationship . I remember the dating season with my husband . It was pure bliss ! We made out like crazy and the butterflies in my stomach were unbelievable ! We made a commitment to not have sex until we got married , so the passion ran deep . It was a struggle to NOT have sex before marrying , especially since we had broken that commitment with other people before meeting one another . I find it kind of funny that when you are dating , that 's all you want to do and six years later , three kids later , it 's the last thing I want to do ! And since I have guts to talk about SEX on a blog , I must have the guts to say this . I DO NOT ALWAYS LIKE MY HUSBAND . As gorgeous as he is , as inposted at 11 : 58 PM I know everyone is wondering about me so I asked Mommy if I could write a few lines on her blog . She said yes , so it here it goes . I hope you like the pictures Mommy posted of me . Here I am in my pajamas . It 's too hot here for a sleeper , way too hot ! I have gained a lot of weight and I am sure you can tell by my thighs ! I smile and laugh all the time . How can I not with all these crazy people I live with ? I hold my toys , I love music , I roll from my stomach to my back and I sleep all night long . I love my swing , love , love , love it . I love music and I love watching my brother and sister . Mommy says I am smart and very advanced for a three month old . And I think I believe her . I feel advanced . : ) If you met me , you would for sure think I am the greatest , cutest baby you have ever seen ! I miss having my grandparents right down the street but I am still getting lots of love . My big brother is watching out for me . I now get to sleep in his room . Well , actually it 's my room too . Since he knows I am in there with him , he stays in his own bed all night long and doesn 't go into Mommy and Daddy 's room in the middle of the night . My MiMi said that would probably happen and she was right . My big sister , Ava Beth , she 's doing good but she 's been pretty fussy lately . She keeps asking Mommy to go potty but Mommy keeps doing the diaper thing . I think Sissy is ready to be a big girl but Mommy is still trying to catch her breath . If you want to know the truth , Sissy just wants to wear Dora panties ! I sure love my big sissy . She is just like my mommy ! She is always kissing and hugging me . My big sister is so pretty . I think Josiah and I will be pretty busy keeping the boys AWAY from her . She 's a looker , no doubt ! My big brother , Josiah , is great ! He loves our new house and he has a new best friend , Kylie . Kylie is only three but she thinks she is five ! Actually everyone thinks she is five because she is the smartest three year old you have ever met ! She bosses Josiah around and I think he likes it . He talks about her all the time ! ! ! ! posted at 10 : 38 PM I remember being five years old at a slumber party once and having this sick feeling in my gut and lump in my throat . The feeling of homesickness is like no other . It 's a feeling that overtakes you , especially when you are five years old and you want to go home to Mom and Dad . Unfortunately I was one of those children that never seem to get past that feeling . Just about every single time I went to a friend 's house to spend the night , I called my Dad and asked him to come get me . He never made me stick it out , he always came and got me . He always picked me up . Always . I often struggle with things being stable . I fight it . That 's why moving and making huge life changes are not too hard for me but sustaining those things can be quite a challenge . Thank God for Jeremy , my stable , steady Eddie husband ! Today I have had to deal with some challenges . I knew it was coming but I did not expect it to come so fast . I felt homesick . My eyes are swollen from crying and I am trying to figure out what the heck we have just done ! Despite my emotions , I still believe this is exactly where God wants us to be . I do not doubt that , I do not wish to go back . I know by now that my emotions will not help keep commitments , they will do the opposite . I also know that I will have more days like this but I will also have great ones . The truth is , I miss my Dad a lot . I am homesick for him . When I was a kid staying the night away , I always missed Daddy . It wasn 't anything against my Mom , it was just a little girl craving her Daddy 's arms . I have always worried about him and even though I no longer have to , I still do . I don 't want him to be lonely , I don 't want him to be sad . We have been through a lot together and experienced huge victory in our relationship over the last two years . I liked having him only a mile away from my house . Now , I am three hours away . For the first time in my marriage , it is truly just me and Jeremy . This is a great thing , I know . But it is also hard at the same time . My emotions are pretty raw today . I miss everythposted at 6 : 50 PM I was just watching American Idol on the TiVo / DVR and guess who I saw sitting on the FRONT row ? Blake Shelton and my 1st cousin , Brandon ! My friends know that Brandon was once Rascal Flatts Road Manager but now is Blake Shelton 's MANAGER . Anyway , I am just jealous that I am not at American Idol and I watch it tonight and see my cousin on the front row . So if you have TiVo and you see Blake Shelton on the front row at the very end ( When the last song is being sung ) , pause it and you will see my cousin standing right next to him . So I am related to someone famous ! : ) Okay enough bragging ! Labels : AI Please be in prayer for Heather . I truly believe that we can join together in prayer and see a miracle take place . Please take the time to read it and view the brain scan that she had done at the doctor today . God is big enough to show a completely normal follow up brain scan with NO tumor . Please join me in prayer . How awesome that we can spread the word through blogs and have people all over the world praying for Heather , her husband and her three children . NOTHING IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR THEE ! Labels : pray for heather Sipping hot coffee with the windows open sure starts my day off right . The Texas breeze feels good . Soon it will be so hot that opening windows will not be an option . It 's spring time and in Austin , things seem greener . In fact , it 's so green here that my whole family seems to have developed allergies we didn 't have back in Dallas . I think it 's worth the trade . Everything is different here . Everything . People are friendlier , more approachable and move a bit slower . I guess I didn 't realize how fast pace things were in Dallas until we got here . I am getting used to the new roads I have never traveled , the grocery stores I have never shopped and smiling at the people I have never met . A new trash day , a homeowners association and their rules , a mailbox down the road instead of in front of my house ( I miss that ) and the HARD water in Austin . As soon as you move into a new home , people begin knocking on the door for alarm companies , pest control , and here in Austin , men offering a water softener because the water is so hard here . It 's kind of fun being the center of every one 's attention ! Right now I hear the train passing through town ( makes me want to sing the Johnny Cash song ) . There 's a train track about a mile away and it 's a very busy one . Josiah loves it . His obsession with Thomas the Train has not let up and since he has a grandfather and an uncle that work for Union Pacific Railroad ( the track by our house is a UP track ) , he gets super excited when he hears the train . Just this morning Ava Beth heard the train and started screaming , " PawPaw 's train ! PawPaw 's train ! " Some would be annoyed by the busy train track , especially if they are stuck behind it trying to get to Wal Mart . But there is something about those trains blowing their horn that brings me comfort . I don 't know what it is , but when I wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom or check on the kids , I often hear the trains driving in from Taylor . When I do , I feel safe . Something about trains makes me feel like I am in a movie , or a dreamposted at 12 : 03 PM Well , what can I say ? I am having fun here in my new town ! I made my friend Erika take me all over town today so I could find the nearest Target , Old Navy and of course the Round Rock outlets ! Wow , I love that place ! ! And now that I know how to get to those places , I feel a whole lot better . As long as there is Target , I will be okay . Jeremy just got home from playing Settlers of Catan with the guys and a lady ( you go Cindy ! ) . I have linked the game for you because I have no idea what it is or how to play and I don 't think I care to learn how to play . I think it would just make me feel dumb and I don 't like feeling dumb ! So while he played , I got to spend time watching a show with Erika ( thanks for keeping me busy Erika ) . The kids played , fought and screamed at one another while I pushed pause on the DVR at least fifty times to say " Ava Beth , knock it off . Ava Beth , you need to share . Ava Beth , we don 't hit ! Ava Beth , you are going to bed ! " We ate pop - corn , drank diet coke and laughed at the dumb show we were watching . What fun ! I share all of these details with you because my life has been missing this kind of stuff for about two years now . Jeremy hasn 't really had guy time , and I have not had consistent social time either . For a while I did not think I wanted to enter back into this kind of world but now that I have it again , I wonder how on earth i made it this long without it ! What a blessing to have friends within walking distance or friends just across the road . There is so much I am feeling right now . There is so much God is doing and He is blessing us so much . Even though I miss my family , there is no way I would go back . God has His hand all over this and we both see it , we both know it and that 's what makes it so much fun ! When I think about what God has done over the last MONTH , I am amazed . My prayers have truly been answered in ways I never imagined . ( Tiff , Kelly Ann , can you believe how social I am being ? I know you are proud ! ! Maybe the " I " in me is coming back out again ! ) Labels : prayers answered Wednesday was a difficult day . I don 't like saying goodbye . Yes , the drive is only three hours but that 's enough to make it very difficult to see friends . Family did not come over that day , I don 't blame them either . My in - laws lived only two miles away and my Dad lived about ONE mile . My mom lived thirty - five miles away but I saw her all the time . I won 't lie , this is hard when I think about it . I miss ALL of our families . I miss the familiarity . I miss my Glade Rd . Super Target and my Old Navy . I miss knowing where everything is ! I miss my huge tree in the front yard . I miss being comfortable . My precious friend Kelly , Jackson 's Mom , gave me a card that I have read over and over again . I can 't really read it without crying . Her words made me realize that I will be missed and that I truly made an impact on her life . And now I pray that I can make an impact where I am now . Oh how I long to be used and show others they are LOVED . When someone feels loved , they can do ANYTHING ! To all of my friends that came to see us on Wednesday , you made me feel loved . You truly sent us off with so much joy and you gave us confidence to step into this new journey . Thank you . What a gift you gave us ! Tiffany , we talk every single day ( you JUST called me and I had to stop writing this blog because you called ! ) and of course I am so sad that we cannot meet at Grapevine Mills or have a day at my house talking about our views of church , celebrities and fashion ! But , I know that this friendship is forever . In fact , I can 't wait for you to come in town so we can shop the Round Rock outlet ( Michael Kors ! ) ! ! I love you my friend . Kelly Ann , words just can 't say enough . You are my rock ! You give me so much . You truly are the most incredible giver I have ever known . Our history all the way back to eighth grade says so much . We know that we were meant to be friends forever . I can 't wait to meet baby Shaefer ! She is going to be beautiful , JUST LIKE YOU ! I love you . Kelly , I don 't think you realize how incredible you are . You are beautiful and thaposted at 10 : 31 AM Well folks , we are officially moved in ! The unpacking is crazy right now . The kids rooms are almost done , the game room is a mess , my room is a mess , the bathrooms are a mess but the KITCHEN IS PERFECT ! I have already been using my new cook top to boil Easter Eggs . I have not had to really COOK yet , thanks to my wonderful friends here . Dinner was served last night by Erika ( she made me my favorite birthday cake - chocolate pecan praline cake - YUMMO ! ) , tonight by Cindy and we are having Easter lunch with friends tomorrow . Needless to say , we are being taken care of . I don 't have much time to write yet . We are about to head to IKEA ! ! We live close to one and that is pretty exciting as far as I am concerned ! I made my first trip to Wal Mart yesterday and stocked up on a ton of groceries so I think I am finding my way around town pretty good . Okay , last Easter we were in the 90 's and today we are in the high 30 's ! What is up with that ? Texas Weather ! My Dad called to tell me that Dallas has snow falling ! It 's cold in Austin but no snow ! A white Easter ? Who would have thought ! ! Love my house , love the area , love that my Dish Network is hooked up and now my Internet ! I miss having my family right down the street but it sure is nice being down the street from friends . Josiah spent the day at Kylie 's house ( he now has a friend in the neighborhood ! ) and keeps asking when he is going to see her again ! Oh and my next door neighbor came over yesterday to introduce herself . She is super sweet ! I feel like people are a lot more friendly here . I love that ! There is definitely a slower pace in this part of Texas . I will write more tonight and I have pictures too of the move and all the friends that came to see us in Dallas before we left ! Happy Easter ! Labels : Austin Mommy , Mama , Mandi , Amanda , Babe and whatever else you want to call me ! How do I have time to blog with three kids under the age of four ? I 'm up until midnight and usually later ! |
July 28 , 2014 by fetzblawg I am sure that most of you who read this blog have heard by now that Cory and I are expecting our first child on February 13th 2015 . We have had a lot of questions about how we feel , whether we are excited , if we feel prepared or not , if we are nervous , and all of those things . I am gonna go ahead and be honest simply because I have crazy woman pregnancy hormones that make any type of social filter mostly dissipate these days . To give you a picture of " where we are at with our feelings about the baby " let me tell you a story . While we were arguing about the human life inside of me that has caused me physical havoc over the last 11 weeks , our car began to overheat . It wasn 't just like a friendly dashboard light reminder … it was an all out if - you - don 't - pull - the - car - over - the - engine - will - explode type of deal . Cory and I were rotating between yelling at one another and yelling at the car . Eventually we pulled over in a high school parking lot about a mile from the church . While we waited for our car to cool down and hope the issue would resolve itself , we began to talk about how we are mostly nervous about becoming parents . I have been very uncomfortable during this pregnancy and feel tired , crabby , and nauseous most moments of the day . I also developed Sciatica which is a painful nerve issue in my back that doesn 't happen to nearly anyone at 4 weeks along . While the car issue did not resolve and we have spent hundreds upon hundreds of dollars in the last three weeks trying to fix it , we were able to talk . You would think that as a counselor and a pastor that we are better at it by now . Cory and I will be together for 9 years in February and we still have so much work left to do . I have been praying for God to change my heart to align it with what his will is for my life . What I have been realizing is that God has already given us everything we need and more to be successful wives , husbands and parents . When we ask for more strength , closer relationships or more patience , he gives us opportunities to demonstrate those things . There is a clip from Evan Almighty that is one of the best demonstrations of good theology that I have seen from Hollywood . Do yourself a favor and watch it . To answer above stated question : Yes . We are so very excited and feel so very thankful that we will have the privilege to become parents . Yes . We have no idea what we are doing and may be bad at a lot of things , but hope we are mostly good at it . Yes . God has given us this opportunity to strengthen our family , our marriage and our ability to follow him each moment . Yes . I am going to go throw up now . November 15 , 2013 by fetzblawg We bought a house . I realize it has been many months since we have written more like several years , but we 've been a bit busy . We actually bought a house in the spring of this year and have faced many home - owning adventures as a result . Since it is our first home , we live in a neighborhood in which my utterly supportive mother refers to as " eclectic . " Let 's be honest , there is a scrapper ( i . e . one who scraps metal and garbage for cash in an attempt to fuel his / her addiction ) several houses down , an abandoned church across the street that is littered with prescription bottles , and a strange woman who lives directly across from our house who " sweeps " the leaves of her lawn with a broom ( which we later found out is a mail order bride from the Philippines ) . However , there are also some delightful neighbors directly next to us that are very sweet and keep lovely homes . Eclectic seems like a nice way of saying we 've got some crazies . And it 's true . Our neighbors far and wide have been able to identify that Charlotte belongs with us . While we have a fenced in backyard , she manages to " escape " and run rampant . There have been several times where we have not had her collar on , which causes her to look like a wild black wolf which strikes fear into the hearts of the number of neighborhood kids roaming the street . In addition , many of my counseling clients live in my neighborhood . There are many times I am doing yard work where I have to duck or hide behind my boxwood bushes in an attempt to not allow my psychotic kids to know where I live in case I say something stupid in one of our sessions . It brings me a lot of comfort to know that if my wife has a bad day at work I can get murdered . When we first got into the home we were excited to get everything settled and hooked up . Cory took on the task of installing the washer / dryer on the second floor . We were very anxious to get some laundry done and have some fresh sheets . After several minutes we began to smell a burning of some kind , similar to hair or garbage burning . Being the intelligent people that we are , we went up and checked the dryer and could find no sign of an issue besides the strong burning odor . The emergency switch on the dryer kept shutting the dryer off . So naturally we just kept turning the dryer back on . After several hours of playing this game with the dryer , we checked on the load and noticed that the dryer was burning hot . After a lengthy discussion , Cory decided to check the vent system to the house . That took some time to locate as we had no idea what the crap a vent system was . We eventually took a ladder outside to investigate the dryer vent . To our dismay , this is what we found : THE MOST GIANT BIRDS NEST EVER . I was super excited as we found out the issue without burning our house down ! Cory managed to remove the nest , but did drop every single egg in the process and committed tiny bird murder . The best part was when I began to remove the nest and there was still a bird in it ! I 'm glad God gave sparrows such awesome navigation systems because it didn 't fly into my brain . We were proud of ourselves for tackling this issue . However , we did not sufficiently cover the vent and so several days later I found my husband outside muttering inappropriate expletives regarding the feathered creatures that have returned . Those jerks are persistent . Please ask me if instead of installing a real vent cover , he decided to weave duct tape to create a ghetto cover . Yes , he did . Has it been fixed yet ? No , it hasn 't . I 'm working on it . October 23 , 2012 by fetzblawg Several of you who know us well , know that we have needed to update our technological resources over the past several years . While at one point we had well - functioning electronics , college graduation has come and gone and yet our laptops have remained . Cory and I first purchased our laptops in 2005ish during our senior year of high school in preparation for college . Yep . That 's nearly eight years ago . If you were unaware , laptops don 't last that long . Anyhow , people have had pity on us in the past and one of our friends Megan even offered to donate her more updated laptop to us last year . Megan 's laptop was small and we referred to it as " baby laptop . " While a very generous gift , it lasted about 5 months and puked out on us as well . While most other people would throw / recycle the old laptop , my adorable husband found another use for it ! Which leads us to laptop # 2 . Cory had an HP laptop that worked rather well for a long time . However , within the last four years or so it has slowly been breaking down . And when I say " slowly " I mean it will take 20 minutes to boot up . A while back the hinges on the screen broke which means that the screen was unable to stand up on its own . After several weeks of Cory holding his screen up while using the device , he started to find " stands " around the house for the laptop . First , it was a series of my beloved coffee table books . I had big plans to make our apartment look like the cover of Better Homes & Gardens , and yet it just lost that " touch " when there was a giant stack of new things on my table each day supporting this piece of crap . Let me also address the noise for a moment . The laptop had a " fan " function on it where it would supposedly cool the device down just in case it was working too hard . If any of you have ever ridden on a plane , you will know the sound the engine makes right as the captain pulls out of the gate . Identical . Often times , the fan would not be sufficient and the laptop would overheat . This typically happened at the climax of an interesting video or during a mid - term paper . Then we would have to go through the 20 minute boot up . . After baby laptop kicked the dust , Cory had an ingenious idea . I came home to a mountain of electronic cords in my living room to see Cory 's giant HP laptop being held up by broken , non - functioning baby laptop . To review , Cory was using a completely broken laptop to hold up a 75 % broken laptop . Can you say G - H - E - T - T - O . The worst part about this is that Cory had no shame . He thought it was awesome , so he rarely hid his contraption when people would come over . I know I have said it a million times , but I never thought this would be my life . Moving on . Laptop # 3 was a Compaq that I purchased in 2004ish . This had always been a basic laptop but treated me well . The only issue I ever would run into is that my cord would catch on fire / melt . I am not sure why but Cory always managed to blame me for this . There would be times where I was writing a paper and Cory would come to sit on the couch . He would accidentally sit down on my cord and suffer temporary burns as a result . We also had to do the thing where you move the cord around in different positions until the wires met enough to catch a charge … except there was a delay from where it caught it and the computer showed it as charging , so it was quite the struggle . I went through at least five cords . One time , while we waited for a new cord to be delivered , I set up a ' charging station ' where I had found the right spot on the cord , duct taped it to a non - moving surface ( I think it was a storage tote ? ) and then brought the laptop to the station whenever it needed a charge . This lasted until Jeni told me it doesn 't hold a charge for more than ten minutes on its own . So great job , MacGuyver . I also had to have it plugged in because the battery would no longer charge . Which means I was totally that person in class that monopolized the wall outlet . In every class . Also , this laptop was definitely a 15pounder . I literally had backaches after carrying it to class . Over the weekend I was cleaning / purging out our closets like I do pretty regularly . Cory calls it " squirreling things away . " Anyhow , I found my old Compaq along with a GIANT all in one printer that no longer worked that was also given to us for free by a fellow seminary student . I walked into the living room and looked at the coffee table full of broken electronics : " Babe , we really have to do something about these laptops , can we get rid of some of them at least . " They are too old , no one will take them . We can try to recycle them at Best Buy ? " Cory had tried for several months in two different states to get rid of these babies . He went to exchanges and used electronics stores , and yet each place " politely declined " our offer of laptops . We couldn 't even give these things away . I went online to see if there was a company that would take them . After putting in the model number for all three laptops this message appeared : " The good news is you got a lot of years out of this device ! The bad news is that the model is so dated that we cannot offer anything for it . Sorry ! " After waiting several minutes we were offered by another employee to put our " items on the desk while waiting . " Not wanting the entire store to see our complete shame , we decided against this option . We then approached the agitated woman . Cory explained our situation and asked if we were able to recycle old crap there . Cory attempted to make several jokes with the girl , but all he received back was glares and utter disdain . I even told the story of the one remaining ' working ' laptop we have at home and how it needs held up … just crickets . I thought someone that works at an electronics store would appreciate a little humor about crappy computers , but I must have caught this lady on ' be irritated with everyone ' day . After getting what seemed like our entire medical history and every other fact that has ever happened to us , we heard the most glorious news ever from the associate : Cory and I looked at each other in a similar way that a child looks at the ice cream man . " THIS IS THE BEST NEWS EVERRRRR ! ! ! After deciding against jumping up and down , the associate quickly passed us off to another worker . Cory and I spent several minutes walking around the store trying to decide what we were going to get with our profit . Turns out , you can 't even get a DVD for $ 10 . 00 there , so we decided to " save " it . Unfortunately , we still have Cory 's mammoth HP laptop at home until we can somehow find money to replace it . He is now using home goods including candles to support it . I may try legos soon … | Leave a comment October 2 , 2012 by fetzblawg Cory and I have had quite a year and thought it would be nice to " get away " for a bit . Last month was his birthday and our 3rd wedding anniversary and my birthday was last week so we decided to have a Fetzer Celebration Extravaganza . My sister and brother in law have grown very fond of a lovely little area on Lake Erie named Lakeside . It is a charming island like town with little shops and quaint hotels right on the water . Cory and I were going for " relaxing " so this seemed the perfect spot . Before I continue I must put disclaimer on this blog or my sister will have a heart attack : We really did enjoy our time there . It was an adventure that I would recommend to any of our family and friends , but Janet must find the satire in all things , so … . My sister and brother in law are rather " fancy " people who like " fancy " things . They are also extremely quirky and find joy in strange and unusual places as well . With that said , we stayed at Hotel Lakeside which is an historic hotel located right on the water . I thought it was very charming and rustic . Everything is themed from the Victorian era and there are next to no modern amenities . We arrived at Lakeside in the late morning and there was a crazy downpour . The summer season is already over for the town , so it 's very barren as it is , and with bad weather there was no one around which added to its eeriness . We were given the keys to our room , and went upstairs to look at it . The room was rather small and furnished with an antique chiffarobe , two twin beds , a dresser and a small bathroom off to the side . There was no shower ( which we were warned of ahead of time ) and no television . The shower room was down the hall and shared by several other guests on our side of the hotel . The wallpaper was lined with prints of flora and fauna from years past . There were light pink roses with green steams staring at me throughout the night . Cory and I were pretty convinced from the moment we walked in , that this place was straight up haunted . We went exploring and found numerous pictures of harsh looking old women lining the hallways staring at us from all directions . We found super old yearbooks from local colleges and even found a game room with some pretty good games . After playing scrabble and checkers , which I am far superior at both , we decided to go for a stroll outside . The " town " had three shops open during the off season . There were pleasant souvenir , gift shops and one bookstore . We had a lovely evening biking and going to the winery and decided to call it a night after considering crashing a rehearsal dinner on the hotel 's campus . The next day we had planned to take it easy and not create a rigid agenda ( which was extremely difficult for me by the way ) . We had seen a sign for " Drive - thru African Safari " several miles down the road and figured we should try it . We left Lakeside and drove into Port Clinton and purchased our tickets . We were given a cup of " feed " to share with the fluffy , kind - hearted animals we were about to meet . We drove through the gate and into the area where the animals were free roaming . We were immediately approached by some rather hungry Llamas and Alpacas who had no shame in sticking their ENTIRE head into our car . There were several times where I was looking in Cory 's direction and when I would turn around I would have a fuzzy nose in my face . After hearing the screams and yelps from the kids in the car in front of us , we eventually made it to the deer / buffalo section . The deer were super cute and I fed them most of the feed we had left . There were two moose that were rather bossy and made a game out of taking the entire cup out of the other customer 's hands . It was pretty awesome to watch . Anyhow , after arguing with a Bison about being out of food we got to see the Giraffe 's and Zebras . The car in front of us forgot to put their sun roof up and the Giraffe stuck his whole head in it . We later heard that the Giraffe threw up in their car . Amateurs . After the Giraffe 's tongue came in contact with Cory 's fingers several times , we figured we could die happy . Cory compared this experience to Jurassic Park and he was pretty sure that we were going to die during some part of the journey . After the drive - thru we visited the small zoo that was at the same location . We were fortunate enough to see a monkey pick his poop out of his butt and the Naspig races in which little oinkers were trained to speed around a track similar to Nascar . Disturbing ? Yes . ALSO , there were an insane amount of Amish people there . Why ? I will never know . Several weeks ago , Cory , my mom and Step - dad and I all ventured to the Great Geauga County Fair . The Geauga fair is deeply rooted in my childhood and has been a tradition for my family for many years . As homeschoolers , we were obviously very involved in the festivities that the fair offered . Let me just say that I have been quite the celebrity around these parts in years back . I was a member of the Polly Pinners 4 - H Sewing Club and participated in the yearly fashion shows with my home sewn jumpers . While other girls my age were growing boobs and getting their first boyfriends , I was sewing hems and modeling my white tulip dress to other equally socially awkward kids . After entering into the fair and being brushed up against by several overweight persperating women , I was ready to eat . Fair food is my kind of food , can I get an Amen ? While I enjoy vegetables and grains , I literally just wanted someone to give me red meat . After some searching I found steak on a stick . That is literally all it was for $ 7 . 00 . No vegetables or extra sauces . Just straight up artery clogging red meat on a piece of wood . Glorious . After walking through the Llama tents we made our way over to the mini horses . There were things I saw in that tent that were utterly adorable , and other things that I hope to forget that just kept growing and I couldn 't look away no matter how much I wanted to . After such a raunchy display , I was obviously hungry for some fried pickles . We managed to find a half working trailer with some cheap fried objects so we ordered up some fresh dipped pickles . I am almost 100 % positive that the woman serving us was in active labor . She was a giant swollen pregnant woman frying pickles in 90 degree weather all for $ 3 . 00 . While most people would lose their appetite at the thought , I was happy to take those pickles off her hands . Update : I was actually driving by the fairgrounds with the puppy last week and was looking at the barren ghost town that it now is . Far off in the corner I saw the beaten up old pickle trailer still sitting in the middle of the field . I am not sure how I feel about this family establishing a home on the fairgrounds of Geauga County a month after the fair , but I sure do appreciate those pickles . My family and I made our way to the back of the fairgrounds to the " Art District . " Now when I use this title , I use it VERY loosely . These are the barns / buildings where people enter contests including cake decorating , quilting , woodmaking and other forms of artistic expression that are then displayed for the community to enjoy * ( I also use the word ' enjoy ' loosely as well ) . We made our way to the miscellaneous arts building which has been titled very appropriately . I want to say there are " categories " of art projects that community members can enter in , but quite frankly , it just seems like a hoarder 's house exploded in the building . If I had to pick some of the categories based off what I saw , It would go like this : Pinecones , Really old Lego creations , Pieces of garbage glued onto wood , and unwanted toys . I will include some of the pictures below of the " top winners " and provide descriptions of what you are actually looking at . The worst part about this , is the kid had to steal a piece from his parent 's trailer floor to finish this . Also , three pieces ? For real ? Is this a scene from the Disney movie Spirit : Stallion of the Cimarron ? Yes this is a Lazy Susan . Yes it has a variety of " collectible " pig figurines . Yes it was entered as an artistic piece . Sweet Lord Joseph Klima from Thompson , Ohio . Get your head in the game . " So the Geauga Fair is coming up … . I have some green plywood in the garage and these pinecones are everywhere " = FIRST PLACE . I can 't believe that dirty bunny beat out the broken GI Joe amputee . Can I just enter my watch that I am wearing to the fair ? I didn 't make it , but I like it . I would REALLY like to see what the criteria is for entering a piece of crap … err … . artwork , how in the heck do the judges compare one piece of artwork over the other , and the reasoning behind several pieces being behind glass or a cage . Like really ? Um … . I have no interest in attempting to thieve your piece of wood with pinecones … . August 1 , 2012 by fetzblawg Well went back to Kentucky for a visit . It was extremely eventful , like most things in our life are . The trip up went pretty smooth . We arrived in Kentucky around 8 : 30pm on Thursday night . We had the privilege of staying with our dear friends who have two of the cutest little boys the world has ever seen . Hayes is 4 years old and very imaginative . One of his most favorite things is building a fort with the couch cushions . Somewhere in between the second bedroom made out of pillows , Cory asked me to help him bring some of our suitcases into the house . As I lean forward to get out of the chair I am blindsided by a very dense 4 year old head . I momentarily lost my vision and then was able to stand up . After noticing the screaming child laying on the floor and hearing shouts for ice , I knew it couldn 't have been good . I finally regained my balance and walked up to my husband . The grotesque look on Cory 's face said enough . It looked similar to the reactions of the townspeople in The Phantom of the Opera or even the faces of the bystanders when Quasimodo was revealed to the village . I then noticed a large mass growing in front of me on my right eye . She 's not exaggerating … it got swollen so fast . I was recommended to sit down and was quickly given a bag of broccoli to hold on my eye . I kept asking how it looked , and while my friends are the dearest in the world , they are LIARS . I planned several weeks before to meet up with some friends for lunch . While I was humiliated I figured no one would notice my sunglasses inside a Mexican restaurant . Needless to say it was as embarrassing as I had thought it would be . Oh , did I mention I was co - hosting a baby shower for my friend Kara with 90 % of the people I had never met before during this visit ? I was so happy to see that not only was my eye opening , but now there was a lovely shade of eggplant creeping down my eye lid ! How fitting for an afternoon baby shower tea party . I tend to like my injuries " classy . " " hey everyone , welcome to the baby shower ! I know I have never met you before and you have pity on me for being a battered wife , but please ignore the giant colorful bulge on my face and enjoy some tea and cookies ! " Then people were asking if I wanted to get pictures with the guest of honor … um sure ! About as much as I want to be hit over the head with a sack of flour ! Which would have caused another black eye . I also forgot to mention that the next morning Cory , Gina and I were running a 5k . Ask me if I have ever run that far in my life . No . Ask me if I could see straight at this point . No . Ask me what time we had to wake up . 5am . Ask me if it was worth it . YUP . My friends and I ran the Color Run . If you have not heard of it , it 's essentially a bunch of middle class white people ( I saw 3 black people all day … in downtown Louisville . ) running 5 kilometers through different ' color zones ' where a bunch of random people throw powdered paint on you . Oh , and you pay 50 . 00 to do so . Anyhow , my injury gave me an advantage I believe . My face was a lovely shade of purple - green at this point , so my dear friend Gina decided to rub purple paint on the other side of my face to balance it out . Thanks friend ! By the time the race was over on Sunday morning , we were all swollen on various regions of our body ( some of us more than others ) and were ready for a nap . The rest of Sunday went well and we decided to leave Kentucky around 11am on Monday . I had planned to briefly stop at the outlet stores and then be home by 6 : 30 . HAHAHAHAH . We got as far as Grove City , Ohio . Cory decided to pull off since we were doing good on time and to get some drinks . Cory got out of the car to get drinks and take a pee break and I walked Charlotte around . Charlotte tends to get an attitude in the car since we have to essentially starve her until we reach our final destination . The baby girl has a weak stomach and so she cannot be fed during our road trips . Every once in a while we will look back into the backseat and she will have her " pound puppy face " on . Her face communicates " why won 't anyone ever love me ? " Sometimes Cory sings the Sarah Maclaughlin song " In the Arms of the Angels " just to make it more dramatic . This pathetic display that she puts on really is the saddest thing I have ever seen . Her ears are droopy and out to the side like freaking Yoda and she is all slouched over . She won 't cuddle with us or even look at us . She 's like a teenager with Oppositional Defiant Disorder who is resentful at her parents . Anyhow , Cory came outside and I took my turn for a pee break . I enter the dimly lit crime scene bathroom and open the lid . FIRST MISTAKE . There was a mountain of poop lovingly left for me . I thought to myself " This is gross but I am not going to think about it . I will just flush it and be done with it . " Unfortunately , the giant goliath sasquatch woman who left the mess before me also shoved several rolls of cheap toilet paper into the commercial grade toilet . I flushed and regretted it . Turds of all sizes came flying at me like pearl freaking harbor . One landed on my foot and I was standing in cascading poop water . Mind you , this all happened in a matter of about 5 seconds . I exit the bathroom in a panic with my stupid black eye and go to the front to communicate my horror to the attendant . " UM . The toilet is broken and I tried to fix it and it exploded . " The woman looked at me as if to say " so what you are asking me to do is to clean up your fecal matter from the floor you stupid wench . " After rolling her eyes I tried to explain it wasn 't me , but she seemed really uninterested in me talking any longer . After using the men 's restroom and washing my feet in the sink I was eager to get home and wash my entire body of the poop fiasco . Cory and I get in the car . " Click . " He turns the key again . " Click . " At this point I think , " Why does God hate me ? " As much as that is the worst theology ever , it felt like one of those days . I have a freaking pound puppy in the back seat , poop feet , 90 degrees outside and our car is broken . A sheriff showed up to help us push our car to another area but we were still stuck . Cory attempted to ask several other people to help but we were turned away several times . So I went up to one guy who I asked politely if he could help us jump our car , and that I even had jumper cables , and he replied he was on his way to a funeral … in his Harley Davidson shirt . Liar . I then went up to a car full of college - aged girls who I assumed would help a fellow twentysomething . Nope . They didn 't even roll down their window when I came up to the car ! Total lack of eye contact and everything . I know for a fact I don 't have leprosy and I had trimmed my beard recently … so I don 't know what it was . Luckily the cop stayed with us until he knew we had help , which was very nice . Honestly , what can be more pathetic than a woman with a black eye holding a puppy standing next to a broken car during a heat wave ? Anyone ? Anyone ? No ? Ok awesome . We did get someone to eventually help us , but discovered after charging the battery that it wouldn 't hold a charge . We were stuck . In Grove City . With a dead battery . Luckily , one of our relatives just happened to be in the area and helped us more than she could ever know . LoriAnne Clark was a God - send . She is the only reason I am comfortably sitting on my bed with my puppy at the moment . We finally found a place that would give us a battery and we figured we could install it . We had been at the gas station for over two and half hours at this point . Aunt Lori lives like 20 minutes away from where we were stuck , too . She was coming home from work and happened to be really close to where we were … God was definitely watching over us . After driving to Napa to get the battery , we got back and realized we didn 't have any tools to remove the dead one or install the new one . So we drove to a nearby grocery store to get some wrenches . We got back and quickly discovered that dumb car companies apparently put metric AND standard nuts on their batteries ! Makes lots of sense , right ? Wrong . SThe Deer Hunter July 1 , 2012 by fetzblawg Cory Fetzer embarked on a controversial journey several weeks ago . When we first moved to Mentor - on - the - Lake we realized that the deer here are like most town 's squirrel population . These things are flipping everywhere . I go to work and sit in my office and feel as though I am being watched . I turn to the right of my desk and there they are . An adorable little deer family staring at me as if I am a delicious salt lick . There is a wooded trail that I have been jogging on where the fawns stand and watch people all day as if to say " why are you running all over my home ? " Charlotte regularly greets the momma deer in the morning during her daily pee walk around the apartment complex . There is a delightful sense of worry that surrounds these animals , while they are overwhelmingly loveable , they are also intimidating and could seriously injure bystanders . While Cory was unemployed and had time to reflect upon life 's mysteries , he made a plan to train a deer . His overall goal is to lasso a deer and ride on it down the block to the local Giant Eagle completely unharmed . Completely logical . There have been many of those who have supported this decision , while others have warned him of the dangers . Nevertheless , he is a determined warrior that has laid out his plan with precision and dedication . It 's true . There is a plan in place , and at the moment it 's not going great , but I am not discouraged . The deer are being stubborn but I am only more determined to get a sweet new ride . Here is the plan which is solely based on desensitizing them : As I sat down to type this blog , I wanted to capture the ridiculousness of my life with Cory and the never - ending adventure it is . I am happy to say that I do not have a marriage , career , or life that I need to exaggerate . Each part of my life is constantly entertaining in one way or another . For Example , Cory and I took our baby pup on her first camping adventure last night that ended with two hours of sleep for Jeni and Cory and a fun filled night of barking and ripping apart toilet paper rolls for Charlotte . I am so grateful that I get to experience a new adventure every day . May 22 , 2012 by fetzblawg Well … it has been awhile , and after " gentle promptings " from friends we are finally starting up our blog adventure again . Life has been incredibly different over the last several months . We have moved to a much less hospitable area to say the least . Northern Ohio is not necessarily known for its " warm reception . " It 's better known for its lakes that catch on fire , smog warnings , cracker barrel shootings and ridiculous winters ! ! ! Still , we have found a home here at least for a while . I especially had a hard time with the move , with not having a job and all . I spent the first month of our lives here watching the entire series ' of Avatar the Last Airbender and Heroes . Now I 'm trying to watch all of the SNL episodes with Will Ferrell - from 1995 - 2002 . But I did get to scoop out all of our neighbors and their daily habits and feel pretty confident with the pulse of Windsor Place apartments 1 - 12 . One of the greatest features of our new town is the locally owned ice cream store down the street . Cory and I have decided that it is considered exercise if we walk to buy a 700 calorie milkshake . Who is with me on this ? ? While I would not go as far to say it is " charming " it has a certain aire of ghetto fabulousness added to every cone . The name of the place is Biggie 's custard - Cory has renamed it Tupac 's ice cream . I am not necessarily " worried " per say about " getting shot " I just " prefer " to go when the " sun is still up . " It 's not that scary , don 't let Jeni fool you . I am disappointed because I wanted to be the first customer of the season , and I missed it by a few hours … if only I was more diligent . We purchased a rescue puppy several weeks after the move . She was an 8 pound ball of fluff when I picked her out . We were told she was a cockapoo and would most likely be 12 - 15 pounds . With our lives being the sitcom that it is , she is actually a shepherd / lab mix and is projected to be around 50 pounds full grown . I should have figured . It 's called the ol ' Fetzer luck . Google it . Needless to say , I will not be dressing up the dog in tutus or rain galoshes anytime soon . She certainly is cute , but has a very feisty side to her . Even as I sit and type this she is carefully hoarding all of my newly laundered socks under the bed . By the end of the night she will feast upon the cotton mound . Feisty is an understatement . She 's a very good dog and well - behaved but can get crazy - hyper sometimes . She does laps around the couch and grumbles and growls like she 's attacked a squirrel . We were able to get her biting sort of under control and she 's still pulls a police dog and grabs your wrist , but it doesn 't hurt at all . I swear that she doesn 't just target any chewable object . The girl has got taste . She consumed one of my pearl earrings as well as my most fashionable belt . At least she knows what she wants . I 've thought about making a twitter account just to list all the things this puppy eats during the day . Some highlights : fish from the beach , socks , underwear , goose and deer poo , mulch , ice cubes and Jeni 's makeup stuff . Cory treats her like she is a human being and gets upset with me for yelling at her . Sometimes I worry that if we were on a sinking boat and he could only take one female with him , it probably wouldn 't be me . I would totally take Jeni ! Plus Charlotte could swim behind us . We are totally " those people " that look at other puppy parents in the dog park when their puppy misbehaves . " OMG Cory , can you believe that owner ? I can 't believe she would bring that dog here when it is so out of control ! ! ! " Puppy parents totally do that thing where they compare where their dog is at withCory has just started at Petsmart and has a lot of fun with the animals all day . Especially the dead crickets he gets to clean out every night ! We have a new rule in our house of " no cricket arms on the wife . " He is required to fully bathe his arms and hands before touching me for fear that I may contract a cricket STD or something equally awful . Fish arms are worse . I don 't dig my arms through the stupid cricket container , but I do go elbow - deep into the fish tanks daily . Gross . It is a lot of fun to play with the animals , though . I talk to all the birds and furry creatures . The cichlid fish are jerks and so are the snakes . I don 't mess with the snakes . I 'm not afraid of them , just afraid of being bitten . I am an adolescent counselor at a local community mental health agency and am proud to say that I am officially a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Ohio . I REALLY wish I could blog about the insanity of kids and their parents ; unfortunately I value my license and job too much . It has been an exhausting privilege to work with these kids . I know that each one of my 50 kids was ordained to be on my caseload . It is a sobering thought , and I am so grateful for it . I do not feel equipped , but I certainly feel called . And yes . This is a picture of our dog taking a dump right next to the " Dog 's Prohibited on Beach Sign . " Settle down . We cleaned it up . No we didn 't . | 2 Comments 1 . My grandfather passed on Sunday . 2 . Tuesday we packed up and traveled back to Hiram with our giant U - haul . I drove it myself . It was awesome . To make an already stressful move even more exhausting , we decided to stop at Ikea on the way and purchase a new couch . When we opened the u - haul to load up our couch my craft stuff had apparently opened up during the traveling and exploded onto the pavement . There was glitter and paper cuttings all over . I was still impressed by our ( and mostly Jeremy Woodley 's ) packing ability . Everything fit in the truck with room to spare for an extra couch . 3 . Wednesday we moved into our apartment in mentor - on - the - lake . On top of this , I am currently taking FOUR master 's level classes to finish up for licensure . They only go until March 16th , but I may not survive until then . Also , they took Roseanne off of Netflix which was pretty much the most heartbreaking thing of all time , and The Bachelor continually makes really bad calls on his show . I will be writing a letter . In an effort to boost our spirits and to celebrate the coronation of my first big girl job , Cory and I went out to eat . Whenever it 's a really special occasion I always want steak , because it 's the only time I can justify spending $ 50 . 00 on dinner . We went to Texas Roadhouse and did the whole blooming onion , salad , beef deal . I decided to splurge and order a NY strip steak . It was a 16 ouncer , and I typically do not eat over 10 oz so I knew that I could save it for lunch or dinner the next day . I really probably only get steak like 3 times a year , so it was a pretty big deal . Last night , after I got home from a long day at work , I decided I would get my lunch ready for tomorrow . The reminder of the sweet and delectable goodness of my steak called out to me from my refrigeration unit . I opened the glorious Styrofoam beef home but there was nothing to be found . I immediately heard the pattering of foot steps down the hall and into the bedroom . I quickly followed my husband into the bedroom and opened up to a pitch black room with Cory lying in bed with his face down fake sobbing . I can state that I am not sure what was said , but he knew what he did . 3 times a year people . I said I was sorry . It just gets really lonely in the apartment and I needed the food to fill the void of loneliness . This is not the first time that Cory has committed such an infraction . You all may know my affinity for Mexican food , and my most beloved restaurant of all time is Chuy 's . In fact , for my going away present my office friends gave me a TUB of their creamy jalapeno dip , and a brown grocery bag of chips . That 's love people . Several months ago I came home from work while Cory was working the late shift . It was a particularly difficult day at work and I had been waiting to get my mouth on that succulent , left over burrito all day long . Gone . IS THERE NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE ? ! ? Let me just say it 's not like we don 't have other food in the house . He can eat macaroni , sandwiches , fruit and other delicious options . If it makes you feel any better , both food thefts were for important hunger matters , and they were delicious . January 30 , 2012 by fetzblawg Several weeks ago , Cory and I traveled up to Ohio for interviews and apartment hunting . I was interviewing for an adolescent counseling / case management position in Mentor , Ohio and Cory interviewed for a youth ministry job in Brecksville . We took two cars up which involved me leading the way and Cory following in our Honda which was not equipped with cruise control . The variation of his speeds throughout the trip proved to be extremely irritating . I could tell which song he was listening to depending upon the attention he was focusing to the act of driving . At one point during the night , he pulled up behind me and called me on my cell . At this point , I felt as though my husband was most likely about to gravely endanger himself . I was correct in this assumption . He then shut his lights off and said " GHOST CAR . " Needless to say , Ghost car is no longer a part of our road trip traditions . After we got done with our interviews , we decided to grab some lunch . We were in a rather " difficult " part of Cleveland and the only option was either a gas station or Burger King . We sat down to eat our food and Cory noticed something in the window - it was a bullet hole . At one point Cory excused himself to go to the bathroom . Several minutes later he returned with a face as white as snow and told me that he didn 't want to talk about what happened in the bathroom , but that I was not allowed to use the facilities at this Burger King . He saw an unsuspecting man go back toward the lavatory and nearly jumped him to warn him about the mistake he was about to make . Mind you , this was like a mile away from one of Cory 's jobs . We didn 't take that position . It turns out that God has called us to Mentor on the Lake , Ohio . Yes , that 's right . Our new city has four words in the title . We will be several blocks from Lake Erie and very near some local beaches . It is difficult because we will still be 3 hours from his family and 1 hour from mine so it 's a totally new place where we feel somewhat alone . Our new apartment is puppy ready and will provide us with big adult things such as a washer - dryer hookup ( now we just need a washer and dryer ! ! ) . I will be working several miles from home while Cory helps to unpack and " decorate " our new home … . I am sure there will be many blogs / pictures to follow . He is continuing to pray about ministry opportunities in the area , and we believe that God will be faithful to provide that . There have been moments where cockroaches have crawled on our heads , people have gotten murdered just feet from our apartment , and we have been let go from job positions . There have also been moments of great joy where we have been a part of children being born , communities taking care of one another , and teenagers forever impacting us . We are so grateful that God called us to a time of great chaos , but also great joy . We walk away from this time with intense sadness of leaving the people that God has gifted us over the last years , but also excitement to see where he will take us next . |
So - as you probably already know , I work as a substitute in our former school district . Some of the jobs I am called for require outside time . Lots of outside time . Outside in the winter is not my friend - nor the friend of anyone with a titanium rod in their spine . Once I get cold , you can literally * feel * the radiating cold spot in my back . So working outside ? Not all that fun for me but I do it because it 's a job and a job pays money . I have long underwear type things that help but not a lot . I have recently learned , though , that Tourmaster Synergy has a line of heated apparel ! Now we 're talking ! Can you just picture climbing into clothes that will stay warm and toasty when you are outside ? Talk about amazing ! I made my special peppermint Christmas candy treats today . After all these years , I have it down to a science so I was in and out within an hour . Of course , it takes two hours for them to back and cool but the messy part was over and done quickly . I am going to bag some up and have the kids give some to their teachers tomorrow . I know it 's not as crafty as some parents but they are tasty and it 's something I can do . Last year the kids went to the dollar store and picked out gifts but honestly , I don 't have the extra cash for that this year ( yes I know , woe is me ) and plus , I don 't have the energy . Everything is so far from here - no longer a hop , skip and a jump from things . I did most of my shopping online this year . I actually prefer that if I know what I 'm looking for . I don 't have to wade through Sunday ads full of useless ( to me ) things like air compressor deals . I just go to my ipad , pull up my Amazon app , plug in what I 'm looking for and hit order . I can 't remember when I moved to online shopping for Christmas but I think it was the second year of Dakota being in law school . With two little kids and no virtually no help , I found it easier to shop online and have it all sent to my doorstep . Besides , I kinda like the UPS man showing up . It 's like a mini - Christmas every time . My brother , bless his heart , added me to his Amazon Prime Shipping account . LOVE IT ! Free shipping . If I could ask for only one thing for Christmas ( and honestly , I haven 't asked for anything from anyone ) , it would be to continue to the Prime membership . It is a God - send and I am so grateful for it . All the stocking stuffers have been purchased and wrapped . I don 't know about you , but I find the stockings kind of daunting . . . . and expensive . I tend to go for bathroom items . . . . toothbrushes , tooth paste , deodorant , shower soaps , etc . and then add in a couple small toys ( trading cards , etc ) and then toss in candy . And yet - because bathroom items are so costly - I end up spending way too much . The thing is though , I 'd have to buy all this stuff anyway . I 'm just pre - buying and stocking up . Kelton is too old to have bath foam and bath crayons but , thankfully , too young to need to worry about things like razors and shaving brushes . Kaylen is too old for Dora bubble bath and just right for the kid make up kits . I found myself feeling sad as I passed things that would have been perfect for them in years gone by . Of course , I have been feeling overwhelmingly sad and missing the small kids that they used to be . Oh how I love them as they are right now but some times my heart aches for their tiny little selves . I long to hear their baby voices and laughter . My laptop is slow . PAINFULLY slow . As in " turtles can run faster " . But then , so is my desk top computer . I wish there was an easy , free way to speed up my computer but the truth is , they are old . Antiquated . The CPU for my desktop dates back to when Kelton was an infant . I had one inbetween but it blue screened on me and so this one was brought back to life . Sorta . My laptop dates back about 5 or 6 years . My brother has kept that one limping along but it takes forever to load . But . . . ironically , it 's faster than the desk top . First world , shallow problems . I get that . But right now my brain is over filled with too much hurt and heartache so shallow probems just seem easier to focus on . I think I 'm beginning to sink into depression . There is a small voice in my head telling me to go see the doctor but I just can 't bring myself to do it . I am still functioning . I get up , take care of my children , log in and find work for the day , pay bills , grocery shop , etc . but something is missing . Maybe it 's the gray skies that won 't quit this time of year . Maybe it 's the drama that unfolds around me constantly . Maybe it 's the exclusion . Maybe it 's just me . Maybe it 's the holiday . Maybe I just need a freaking break . I could tell you this is new . . . within the past few days . That would make sense . But no - it 's been going on for weeks now . I have made it a point to get out of the house and into the world as much as I can . Working around people . Faking it until I make it . But I wonder . There is so many little things around here that drive me crazy . Moulding that needs to be replaced because they haven 't yet been from when we put in the new flooring . A master bath that is " in progress " of being renovated . The closet floor in Kaylen 's room that needs to be finished . I have curtain rods that still need to be put up . Etc . It 's slowly getting done . . . well . . . some of it . I 'm sure , in time , it will be done . But it does add to my stress . Over all , I am not confident that I am adjusting well . Everything seems so . . . . . big . I figure I will hold on until the first of the year and if I 'm still feeling this way , I should get myself to the doctor . But that might mean finding a new one first . I 'm not crazy about the PA I have . We 'll see . This morning brought many challenges for me . The biggest was pulling off a routine morning with the kids and taking them to school . As we drove , I gently reminded them that they would probably hear talk about what happened at the school on Friday . I told them that it was far away from here and they were safe at school . . . all the while knowing I was lying . Safe ? What is safe anyway ? Our school doesn 't lock doors . There are signs to remind you to check in at the offices but honestly ? There is nothing that would give anyone even the slightest bit of reassurance that they are safe at school . Sandy Hook had locked doors . A security system . But evil found its way in anyway . Through a broken window . If evil wants in , it will find a way . Indeed . As I drove up into the drop off lane , I noticed people I have never before seen . There are always adults out waiting to help kids get safely from cars to the sidewalk but today there were men in uniforms , official patches on their jackets . The fire department for our small town was out in force , circle the buildings and greeting children . Usually I kiss Kaylen from inside the car , today I was compelled to get out , wrap my arms around her , kiss her and hold her for just a moment . I found my cheeriest voice and told her to have a good day and that I loved her . I watched her walk away from me , towards the uniformed med on the sidewalk . They greeted her , offered her a sticker and off she went . I watched her small little body growing smaller as she walked towards her classroom door . The terror rising inside me . Be safe , little one . Oh please be safe . I took a deep breath , climbed back in the car and headed next door to Kelton 's school . I repeated the scene with him and off he went , avoiding the firemen . Into the building he walked and , with tears in my eyes , I drove to the far end of the parking lot to exit . I was greeted at the far end of the parking lot with fire trucks , ambulances , the fancy truck the fire chief drives , and other vehicles . Nothing as simple as activity buses for sale were parked there . No - all first responder vehicles . All there to try to reassure parents that their children are safe . I was very conflicted with my emotions this weekend - birthdays , to me , always mean a happy day full of doing things that make me happy . Except , I was feeling anything but happy . Call me funny but the images of what took place in Newtown CT on Friday morning made me feel many , many things . Happy was definitely not among those feelings . But it was , after all , my birthday . Which comes but once a year . And is often looked over because of the holiday season . So I wanted to do * something * to feel special . The kids were with Dakota - which was incredibly hard ( made harder still Friday ) since it was the first time in 10 years I didn 't feel little arms around my neck on my birthday . Stephanie saw to it that I had a good day . First there was coffee in bed , then she made me breakfast and then we got ready and went out into the world . In and out of stores we went all afternoon . . . buying precious little ( and definitely not pandora charms though they are pretty darn nice ! ) but having fun none the less . We ended our day with dinner at the Spaghetti Factory . It 's a favorite place of mine and somewhere I rarely go . I think the last time I was there was well over a year ago . It was nice but I was in such an emotional state , I didn 't enjoy it as much as I wanted to . That - and because I was all topsy turvy inside , I wasn 't very hungry . After dinner , we headed back to the house and brought in the bins of Christmas gifts and we wrapped gifts while watching a Christmas movie . Before I knew it , the evening was over and it was bedtime . My birthday over for another year . I 'm 48 now . I can 't quite wrap my head around it . Forty eight . Where did all the years go ? Like so many others , I have had a rough couple of days . The Sandy Hook tragedy has shook me to my very core . I have always had trouble letting my babies be in the world without me but slowly , over the years , I have learned to let go and trust the schools and teachers with the most precious parts of me . I had started taking their safety , while at school , for granted . Don 't get me wrong , I have never been 100 % trusting when it comes to other people and my children . . . . . which is a key reason as to why I chose to get involved in their school . I want . . . and need . . . to have my finger on the pulse of their day to day lives but I could drop them off and leave them without the constant sense of dread . But Friday , evil made itself known in an elementary school . In first grade classrooms . With children the same age as my daughter . My mind could not wrap around it . My mind tortures me with visions of my daughter , her friends , their teachers lying dead on the floor of their classroom . Their brightly colored art projects and the stacks of easy reader books all around their room . Desks , crayons , tiny chairs . Those families woke up , ate breakfast , got ready for their days , kissed their children goodbye with promises to see each other at the end of the day . Maybe talked about the plans for the weekend . Of trips to see Santa , picking out trees , wrapping gifts . And then . . . in the blink of an eye , the beat of a heart . . . . their children are ripped from their lives in an act so violent that I can barely breathe when I think of it . There , but for the grace of God , go I . Go all of us . It could have been our school , your school , the school down the road . As it turns out , I have a ( tenuous ) tie to Sandy Hook . The school superintendent is the mother of a friend of mine . Until Friday , I didn 't know that . Until Friday , I wouldn 't have been able to tell you where Holly 's mom worked or what she did . . . or heck , what she looked like . I know now . I watched the interview with her , saw the pain in her face and heard the tears in her voice . I can 't begin in imagine the heartache going on in Newtown , CT . I can barely handle the heartache going on inside me . Those sweet babies . It could have been your sweet babies . It could have been my sweet babies . I , along with so many others , have been changed and our sense of security when it comes to having our children outside the protective circle of our arms will never be the same . But the trick in all of this will be to give the message to our precious children that they are safe in the world . That we will be there to protect them and keep them safe from harm . . . all the while knowing we can only do our best . The rest is completely out of our control . A tomorrow , I will put on a happy face and kiss my babies goodbye in the drop off line . I will say " have a great day . I love you and I will see you after school . " And I will drive away from them , praying with all my might that they will be safe . So . . . this weekend , so far , resembles nothing like I thought it would . There was no holiday treat baking today . No Christmas movie , as I thought there would be . My Friday was filled with working a few hours , getting Maddie to the vet because she ripped her dewclaw and it was clearly painful for her ( Thankfully no surgery was required . They removed the broken part and I need to watch it for increased swelling and redness . ) and taking care of Kaylen who was a mess because she had had a couple of difficult days at school . Boys being mean , a friend being mean . Hating her life . Wanting to move home . Wanting to go back to Crestline . Wanting her real friends . It 's hard to see her struggle and because I am also struggling - it makes it doubly painful . I think it was good that we were planning to attend WinterFest at our old school . The kids and I did make it to the Crestline WinterFest and had a great time ! They both saw friends ( more so for Kaylen since 5th graders were suspiciously missing in numbers . Maybe they feel they are too old at that age . . . I don 't know ) and teachers and we were all treated like royalty . It was nice to " go home " again as the three of us are terribly homesick . I got many much needed hugs from people . Lined up a few lunch dates and even had the principal ask me if I was interested in jobs at the school . Ummm YES ! She said she would put me at the top of the list because it is hard to find good people and I am a good person for any job . ( well yes . . . . . always have been . But apparently I am being missed big time . I will admit - that feels good but a big part of me wants to turn back the clock and still be there . Change is hard . I 'm struggling . No new news there . ) Today Kaylen had a play date with Ella , Andrew had a party to attend , and Stephanie had work which meant Kelton and I had a day together . We hemmed and hawed over what to do with him finally choosing Chuck E . Cheese ( for the arcade games - not the atmosphere ) . He had a blast and I had a good time following him around , watching him play , and soaking up his happiness . After we were done at CEC , we headed over to the area where Ella lives so we could pick Kaylen up at the appointed time . We were early so Kelton suggested we run my * ahem * dirty car through the car wash . I plead country life on a dirt road as my defense . : ) We went through the car wash - which is always a good time - and then I decided vacuuming out the inside would be a good use of time . Kelton was in HEAVEN ! He had such a good time with the vacuum and I will say - the car feels much more organized and clean now . I 've been amazed , and kinda grossed out , how much crap accumulates in the car now that we are in it so much . Again - I am going to use the country life defense . It wasn 't nasty or anything - just some trash the kids leave behind from granola bars , receipts that I leave behind , dog leashes , etc . And tons and tons of pine needles . Ugh . And you know - I kinda like knowing that Kelton likes to vacuum out the car . I 'll be stashing quarters for the next time we are buy the car wash . Might as well hone his skill . : ) Finally Friday It 's my weekend with the kids and I 've really been looking forward to this day . They have been with Dakota for the past two weekends due to the Thanksgiving weekend ( it was her year ) and needing to get the schedule back in sync with Andrew 's weekend schedule away . It 's important that we have the kids on the same alternating weekends or it leaves zero kid - free time for Stephanie and me . Not ideal , that 's for sure . True , they all have Tuesdays and Thursdays with their other parent but Dakota picks the kids up at 5pm and has them back home in time for bedtime routines by 7 : 45pm . Andrew 's other parent doesn 't pick Andrew up until 7 : 15pm and then has him overnight . It 's kind of crazy but it is what it is . Anyhoo . . . . . tonight the kids are with me and the three of us are going to go back to our old school for WinterFest . This morning , on the way to school , they were both talking about what friends they hope will be there tonight . Oh how I hope they have a good time . Personally , for my part , I 'm hoping to see some of MY old friends , too . The three of us really miss our old stomping grounds and familiar faces . Me , probably most of all . Tomorrow I am planning to have Kaylen ( and Kelton if he wants to , though something tells me he will opt out , preferring to play on ToonTown ) help me make some Christmas treats . I 'm looking forward to that . And then on Sunday , weather and people permitting , we will go to the tree farm and cut down the non - artificial tree for the family room . I think they kids will enjoy the experience . I think I am all but done Christmas shopping . We still need to get a few things off Andrew 's list but I 'm going to leave that in the hands of Stephanie . Kelton and Kaylen are done though and I 'm pretty happy with the result . I 'm looking forward to wrapping everything and making it all pretty but that will need to wait until next weekend when the kids are gone . I 've had a good time shopping for what I needed . A good chunk , once I knew what I was searching for , I did online . The rest had me in the store admiring one store display after another . I admit that I love being in the stores this time of year ( well - any time of year , really ) because everything is all festive and happy . I need that feeling . . . . festive and happy . I 'm trying hard to make this a good Christmas for Kelton and Kaylen . They are so darn excited and since they are still big believers in the magic , I want to make it as magical as possible . I have a feeling I am getting to the end of my magic believing time with them . Which makes me more sad than I could possible explain . Anyway - I need to wrap this up since I have a job to get to at a local elementary school . Today , for the second time this week , I get to play the role of Lunchroom Monitor . WoooHoooo ! Hey - at least it 's something . : ) How in the world is it December already ? Wasn 't it just June ? July ? Maybe August ? It must be winter though because it gets dark early , is still dark when I pour my first cup of coffee , and is downright cold and wet most days . And since I brought up December 21st . . . . . what are your thoughts ? Do you think life , as we know it , will end ? Kelton mentioned something about how cool it would be if the Zombie Apocalypse happened that day . Me ? I don 't think that part would be so great but if the world has to end , then I hope we all just go quickly . And whose December 21st date do we use ? Is it a rolling end of the world . . . . . . we just watch it happen from the far side of the world as it get closer and closer to the United States ? I remember Y2K and all the predictions that never came to light but still . . . I watched in relief as the year changed from 1999 to 2000 across the world , knowing that we were among the last to experience it so by then , we 'd already know what was what . Maybe that will be the case on the 21st . Or maybe we will all still be standing on the 22nd . Kinda like that May date two years ago when the redemption was supposed to happen . All I know is I 'm ok either way . Because , you know , I have no control over it anyway . That 's one thing I 've learned quite well : control is an illusion . I don 't know who has it but it certainly isn 't me . In any way , shape , or form . But on a happier note : the tree is up . Well , the first tree is up . The kids and I LOVE our fake tree and the fact that we can have it up for weeks and weeks . Stephanie and Andrew prefer a real tree . So , the fake tree is in the living room and the real one will go in the family room . Somewhere along the line , we will take ornaments from both collections and mix them on the trees . Somewhere along the line , we will decide which tree we will use for the Christmas presents . Somewhere along the line , all this won 't cause panic for me . And anxiety . And tears . And and and . . . . . . . . . It 's hard . How hard ? As hard as a metal hose . To bend it all into a different shape will take great effort . Blending families is not for the weak . This is hard shit . Some days I wonder how I can find my way through it . Some days I would probably tell you that I can 't . Some days it seems doable . Some days feel good , others feel anything but . Kelton and Kaylen are thrilled that their favorite month is here . I love seeing how excited they are and I try , with everything I am , to soak it up and let it pull me through . They are both BIG BIG believers in the magic of the season and I am so thankful for that . I have been mentally preparing lists of holiday things I want to do with them when they are on break . This year though , there doesn 't seem to be much time between the end of school and Christmas . It is going to go too fast but I am hopeful we will trek out to look at lights , made Christmas goodies , read more stories by the light of the Christmas tree . Just be together . It 's hard to believe that tomorrow is Thanksgiving . Where has the year gone ? I 'm already feeling the pressure of not having enough done in the way of Christmas gifts . I think I have Kaylen all but done . Kelton is a struggle for me . All he wants is Skylanders Giants which is great but I learned last year not to do single theme gifts . Kaylen insisted on all things Barbie and then by June , was done with it . I want a variety of things to hit a variety of interests . And yes , I noticed that I titled this Thanksgiving but am focusing on Christmas . I 've never been hugely into Thanksgiving . It 's a holiday that , in my opinion , should be moved to somewhere else on the calendar . It gets the short end of the stick and honestly , I could do without it . Then people wouldn 't get all cranky and snotty when they learn I decorate for Christmas as soon as the Halloween decorations come down . The kids are with Dakota for Thanksgiving this year . I will confess that I 'm not a fan of holidays when it comes to splitting time , nor dealing with it as a blended family . It 's chaotic and depressing and sad and I am finding the joy of the season hard to capture . I want to . But I don 't feel it . Haven 't in . . . oh . . . say about three years now . Thinking of Christmas morning makes me want to cry . It isn 't the way it was supposed to be and my traditions and things I think are important , are not shared ideals of Stephanie and Andrew . What gives ? Which traditions trump because they can 't co - exist just by the very nature of the holiday . I don 't think passing out presents immediately and ripping everything open in less than 5 minutes is acceptable . They do . Last year , when we finally had our joint Christmas celebration , it was a struggle for me , and for my two as we tried to understand their ways . But then , I 'm finding lots of things with a blended family a struggle to find compromise . I just don 't want to feel like I am giving up things that are important to me . You know ? And I don 't want Stephanie to feel like like she is giving up things that are important to her . And then there is Dakota and Vicki . Where does everything and everyone fit in this year ? Last year , I felt awkward having Vicki at Christmas morning . I 'm just going to say it - even though I wanted to be the bigger person and be ok with it , I felt like an outsider in my own home with my children . But it was the deal we made at the onset : the kids would always wake up on Christmas morning in their beds where ever they lived with me and Dakota ( and whoever she was with ) would be welcome to join us for the gift opening . And I don 't want the kids to wake up anywhere else but with me . And Kelton must feel the same as he said today " I don 't really care if they come ( for Christmas morning ) or not since I know we will see them later . I just know I want to be home when I wake up . " I don 't know . And I 'm rambling . All these things are starting to keep me awake at night . Again . Tis the season for endless stress , I guess . Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward but then again , I don 't . Because I want the kids to enjoy every minute of it . Even if I don 't . I am a Sketchers kinda girl . Easy to find , models don 't change much year to year . White leather . Pretty easy and don 't forget , mostly affordable . Stephanie is a tennis shoe hound . I am not sure I even know how many pairs of shoes she owns . She changes them throughout the day . The comfort of her feet is critical to her well being . I say rock on . For me ? I just put my feet in my shoes and don 't really think about them again until my shoes come off at the other end of the day . * Ahem * * cough cough * Waaaaaay too much money later , I was the proud owner of a pair of Ghost GXT shoes . They were AWESOME ! For the first two weeks . Then I noticed a squeak , an uncomfortable feeling inside started to develop . Huh . Weird . I took them back to the store ( because honestly ? For the kind of money I wanted shoes that would STAY amazing . You know ? I had hoped it was just a glitch . So they special ordered me another pair ( they didn 't have any in stock ) . While they were working on their end , I looked around the shop . Fancy stuff . So much gear for running ( and is it wrong that I thought , ever so briefly , about buying the stickers for your car that have the miles you have run ? Hee hee . A runner I am not , and never will be but the general population doesn 't need to know that and they could look at me in awe when they see my 26 . 2 mile sticker . Yeah right . ) . I didn 't see any of the fancy salomon s lab items but there was so much stuff crammed in a small store . Who knew ? It actually made me wish , for a brief second , that I could ( and wanted to ) run . Anyway . . . . . they ordered the new shoes . They came in . I was thrilled beyond reason . And then yesterday , eight days in , the same issues started to present themselves . Clearly , this is not the right show for me . So now I need to go back and try again with a different pair . Which sucks . Because these are cool . They are black , which means I can wear them and pretend I 'm dressed up more than tennis shoes usually allow , and personally , I think that 's kind of cool . I 'm not a brightly colored shoe kind of girl . And right now ? I 'm kinda missing my Sketchers . Kelton is into music these days . Specifically rap . Yes , I said rap . I 'm not sure how this happened but I can tell you that I will be very , very happy when he outgrows this phase . Of course , he isn 't as bad as Andrew . Suffice it to say that I am really , really glad they don 't have a MXR amplifier . Not that I don 't think it 's great that they are enhancing their love of music and musical ability . . . it 's just that I don 't have a need to hear it 24 / 7 . If you know what I mean . Got the kids up , ready for school , and delivered to their classrooms . Back home to do morning chores and make breakfast for Stephanie and me . Today is our second year anniversary so we enjoyed a little extra time together before heading off for our days . First I had a phone call about heading up the school book fair next year . Then I had three kittens to get to the vet ( and now I have several slices on my hands and arms from not so happy about being caught and tossed into a carrier kittens . ) . Shots , deworming and a new dx of ear mites later . . . . . I brought everyone back to the house . Waiting in the driveway were the electricians I hired to replace the main bathroom ceiling fan and wiring . The fan hadn 't been working for the past couple years which didn 't have any ill effects with one , sometimes two showers a day but with with five of us showering . . . . well . . . . it was time to fix it . While the guys were hard at work , I received a call from our pet sitter cancelling this weekend due to health complications on her end . So now I am trying to figure out another way to get the pets taken care of for two nights so we can take the kids and go to the beach this weekend . I am * this * close to working it out . It will cost more but I so don 't want to disappoint the kids - especially Kelton . Plus , I am looking forward to getting out of dodge and breathing in some fresh sea air . I have a lot of irons in the fire , so to speak . But I can tell you that the on thing I don 't have to worry about right now is working on cd replication here . Truth is , I haven 't touched a CD in a long time . DVD 's every now and again but CD 's ? Nope . To say it 's been a bit of an emotional few weeks is kind of like saying we have had a tiny bit of rain . And , in case you are wondering , we have had a very , very wet and chilly few weeks . The upshot of it all is that I made my last trip to the house I called home for ten plus years . The house I magically transformed into a loving , nurturing home for my two babies . The home where my babies rolled over , sat up , learned to crawl , learned to walk and run . The home to where I brought Kaylen , fresh from the hospital , to forever be Kelton 's baby sister . The home that was the entire world , entire universe for my children and me for their entire lives . One my last stop , I stood in the silence of the emptiness and I promise you , I could hear the echos of laughter , I could see them dancing their silly dances to their silly songs together in the kitchen while I cleaned up dinners night after night after night . I heard them in their bedrooms . Saw them laying under the branches of the Christmas tree , looking up at the lights . Saw them splashing in the pool in the backyard . Kicking through the leaves in the front yard , making giant piles and then jumping in them . . . . squealing in delight . I could see Kaylen having her tea parties than she had every . single . day . for a good year when she was two . I could see the swing set being built , heard the happy voices of 5 year old Kelton and 2 year old Kaylen as they eagerly waited to be able to slide on the slide and swing " up to the trees " . I can see them running out the door into the dark of night , dressed in boots and coats , to play when the project was finally completely . It was past their bedtimes but they had waited all day and I couldn 't deny them . I could hear Kaylen 's amazing laugh as I pushed her in her orange airplane swing . Every direction I turned I was hit with memories . The tears flowed fast and furiously . The emotions ran the full spectrum . Anger welled up at all that was lost for my children . . . . for me . Heart ache over things that were , that never will be again and dreams that both lived and died within those walls . A new family has rented it and will be moving in this weekend . Small children to fill the house with sounds and magic . New children to sleep and play in my children 's rooms . A dog who will romp and play in the yard . It absolutely breaks my heart . I thought I would live in that house well past the children being grown . But . . . it isn 't to be . Wasn 't meant to be , some would say . I don 't know . All I know is it isn 't and , in the end , there wasn 't anything I could do about it . Yesterday , three years to the month of being told I no longer had a relationship , my " divorce " became final . I signed off on the house and will be removed from the title . Everything is cleaned up . Lose ends tied up . The irony of Washington approving Marriage Equality in the same 24 hours period of finalizing of my divorce is not lost on me . My partner - based relationship with Dakota has been long over . It is the home I built with , and for , my children , that I grieve for intensely . And at the same time , I have a wonderful woman who loves me , and whom I love , deeply . I share her home , we share our children , we are building a future - and one day I 'm sure this house will feel more like my home than it does right now . I still struggle with feeling like a visitor . It 's my doing , nothing Stephanie does or doesn 't do . She is understanding as I go through whatever wild ride my emotions takes me on . Thank God for that . She gave me pretty much free range on putting the house together , merging all of our things , decorating . She is building me a closet so I can have more space , she lovingly put in the new floors , she encouraged , and helped me , paint . She tries so hard and yet at times I still feel like a visitor . That 's my stuff though . Me , being disoriented . Me , afraid of failing again , of disappointing again , of being told my dreams , goals and desires aren 't good enough . I have realized that I come with * a lot * of baggage . Fear . Trust issues . Insecurities about being enough , doing enough . None of it is founded in my reality with Stephanie . It 's me . It 's my past . It 's what I am currently bringing to the table . Stuff I need to figure out how to make peace with . How to quiet the voices in my head . How to still the panic and anxiety I seem to have now and again . The children are happy and adjusting well . For that I am grateful . As for me ? I have some things to work out for myself . I need to get to a place where I feel like I am enough . What I do is enough . I need to find areas where I feel like I have some control so I can stop feeling wildly out of control . After years of being on my own with the children , I struggle to include others in our circle even though it is what I so very much want . I 'm used to it being me and them . It 's been the three us as a primary unit for the better part of seven years ( since Dakota started law school back in July of 2005 and , consequently , spent very little time with the kids and me . Little compared to the amount of time the three of us were on our own together . ) . I don 't know . I 'm doing the best I can . I go back and forth between being great and feeling like I 'm coming undone . I guess that 's mostly normal though given the monumental changes over the past while . Yeah - normal . I 'm going to hold on to that . Normal , considering everything . Shoes . Twelve pair , to be exact . That is how many pairs of shoes Miss . Kaylen has had since May . Yes . This past May . You know , not even 6 months ago . We should all be so lucky . And of those thirteen pair only one was not purchased by me . My sister bought Kaylen a $ 1 . 00 pair of peace logo flip flops when we were up visiting in July . All the others though ? * sigh * The girl and her shoes . A never ending saga . She outgrew her Crocs and needed a new pair in May . The straps on those broke in July so I ordered a new pair . That 's two pair . She still needed a " real " pair of shoes in May but we ended up failing miserably because of sensory issues and bought a pair of Keene 's . ( bye bye waaaay too much money ) . She wore them a lot but alas , she outgrew those and in August , I bought her another pair . We 're up to four pair . For school I bought a pink pair of Ked - type shoes , a green pair of Ked - like shoes , and black dress shoes . That brings us up to seven pairs of shoes . For soccer , I bought cleats . Three weeks later , she melted down because they were too tight ( ah yes - sensory issue meltdown in full force . It was oh so much fun . ) . We went shopping for another pair . Those she wore all season though I am 100 % positive they will not fit come spring . What are we up to now ? Nine . Today she came home and her Crocs strap had broken beyond repair ( it broke a while ago but I glued it and babied it along . ) . She and I went online and after a PAINFUL experience with not having the style she liked in the right size . . . . she finally agreed to a pair . It will take two weeks to get them . That makes ten pair of shoes . She welled up with tears . Her other shoes simply will not do and she doesn 't know how she will deal with it for two weeks . * sigh * Did I mention that she has MAJOR sensory issues with shoes ? ? Always has . Off to Fred Meyer we went because Stephanie had noticed last week that they carried Crocs . And Crocs , by their very nature , are roomy enough to limit issues with fit and can be worn a long time . . . as long as we stay with the basic styCasey Kaylen arrived home from school Tuesday happy and excited . She had faced her fears and ridden the bus alone - without Kelton - for the first time . ( Kelton had stayed after school for a Science Olympiad training session . ) I met Kaylen at the end of the road and walked with her back down to the house . She chatted my ear off the entire way . She couldnt ' wait until the next time Kelton stayed late at school because she had SO much fun without him . It was all girls on the back of the bus . Blah blah blah . So , so happy she was . Fast forward an hour . I 'm getting ready to go get Kelton and asked if she wanted to go or stay home with Stephanie . " Stay home . " came a small , weak response . " I 'm cold . " The house was chilly so I put a big fluffy blanket on her , kissed her and went on my way . By the time I got back , 20 minutes later , she was completely under a blanket playing on the iPad . I couldn 't even tell she was there , except the lump moved when I called her name . A half hour later , she came to me complaining of being cold . She looked sad . Not the bubbly girl I had chatted with on the way down the road not even 90 minutes earlier . Hmmmmmmm . Mommy alarm bells started going off . Was she getting sick ? I changed her into a fleece sweatshirt and had her put on her shoes . Dakota was minutes away from arriving to take them for her Tuesday visit . Kaylen was getting grumpier by the second . I needed to take her temperature but just then , Dakota arrived . I alerted her to Kaylen 's status and said " I think she might be getting sick . I was going to take her temperature but I haven 't had time . " Kaylen , of course , said " NO I ' M NOT ! " Off the three of them went . Two hours later , right before they were to return , I get a text that says Kaylen has a fever of 100 degrees . * sigh * Chalk one up for Mommy intuition . They arrive home and Kaylen melts when I tell her she won 't be able to go to school the next day . I back off and tell her we will decide in the morning . It will probably be ok . Hey - a mom 's gotta do what a mom 's gotta do when a sick chiBecause of Kaylen 's severe allergy to Keflex , it took quite a while for the pharmacy to research the drugs . They have a standard go to list : First line of defense is Penicillin and the second drug of choice is . . . . Keflex . Ok then . Penicillin , right ? WRONG ! Penicillin is , apparently , a third generation relation to Keflex . The pharmacist came over to talk with me . It was too close for her comfort and she wasn 't inclined to fill it . There was another option : Clindamyacin . The catch ? It tasted awful . The pharmacist warned that it was one of the most vial tasted medication out there . She needed liquid because the pill form was huge . What could I do ? We had to do it . The pharmacist told me to give her a popsicle to numb her taste buds , have her take the medicine and then follow up with the rest of the popsicle . I needed to get two doses down her before bedtime . Thankfully , this is Kaylen . She doesn 't like it , but she does it without a fuss . I was a nervous wreck . Two doses were all it took for Keflex to almost kill my daughter . I had to Epi Pen in sight all night . I put her to bed about 20 minutes after her second dose . She was only running a 99 degree temp and declined more Motrin . I checked on her a couple times and then at 10 : 30 , I woke her up and had her show me her tongue and lips . She looked ok . No hives . She felt hot to the touch . I took her temperature , it was 103 . 9 . I got Motrin down her and let her go back to sleep . I felt fairly confident that we were out of the woods for a reaction to the medication . Stephanie checked on her a couple hours later . Still good . Thank God . I was up at 6 , and checked on her . All was well and she was cool to the touch . She got up about 45 minutes later and said , in a happy voice , " I feel MUCH better ! " Without meds , her temp was 99 . 7 . Yes , indeed - you ARE much better , Little One ! She is home again today and can return to school tomorrow ( as long as her fever doesn 't go back up ) . Kelton is crazy jealous over her being home again and tried like crazy to convince me he was sick . He wCasey I created these pages in the past two hours . Not bad , if I do say so myself . : ) I would love to include photos of Andrew but he is incredibly difficult to get pictures of . . . I 'm prety sure he believes the camera will steal his soul . : ) I 'm confident that , in time , I will get a few good shots of him . I really like the one of Kaylen and the one of Stephanie and me . The pumpkin one I 'm lukewarm on . I may have to play with it again on another day . The rains arrived late yesterday evening and they have been steadily falling ever since . We all slept with our windows open a little so we could enjoy the sounds . The kids thought it was so cool and it dawned on me , as they went on and on about how great it was , I had never opened their bedroom windows on a rainy night at the other house . I wonder why . Today was the first day of rain on a school day for this school year . The tension was thick as Kaylen grappled with having to walk down the road in the rain after school . I gave her an umbrella but she still isn 't liking it . I guess it IS a lot different than jumping off the bus and running up the driveway to the dry warmth of the house like she has done in years gone by . That 's for sure . It was a three day weekend for the kiddos . Friday was a teacher in - service day so the last three days at the house were full of noise , chaos , laughter , arguments , messes everywhere , etc . Today , after they all were off for the day , I came back and cleaned the house . It 's serene , calm , clean . . . . . quiet . A nice change - even though I do miss the kids being home . Still - there is an upside to them being at school . It 's quiet enough that I can hear myself think . : ) This Friday is Book Fair set up . It feels surreal to me . I 'm used to book fair being in early March so needless to say , the timeline is kind of messing with me . Next week is conference week and book fair week . I am working several mornings at the book fair and then the kids will be out of school for the day at 11 : 15am . A whole new mindset . I 'm still not clear on the thoughts behind book fair during conference week but apparently it is because most of the business will come from parents after conferences . As , as opposed to our last school , kids are encouraged to be in attendance for the conference . Personally , I think that is odd since it seems to be that the adults will have a difficult time really discussing the child in question . There are questions I want to ask that I don 't want asked in front of them . Ugh . Again , it 's different here . I 'm waaaaaaaaaay out of practice . . . . like three years , give or take . . . . . but I decided to see what I could do in the way of making a page . I 'm definitely rusty but it was fun to get back into the program and create . Here 's to finding my groove . . . . one of these days . : ) It 's fall . . . . and not much says that more than the leaves , in all sorts of colors , falling from the trees . Today , on the way home from the pumpkin patch ( see below for pictures ) , we drove down a street and the leaves falling resembled falling snow . Very pretty . Living in the country , I am surrounded by everygreen trees and not many leafy trees . I love evergreens but this time of years has me wishing for leaves in the yard . Though honestly ? I 'm loving the thought of not having to rake . : ) So - as with everything , you take the good with the not so good . I have all my fall decorations , as well as the halloween decorations , up in the house . What I don 't have , however , are special fall curtains . Until recently , I never even considered it . Did you know you can find burlap curtains for sale ? I know ! Me either . But there you have it . I have only ever thought of burlap as something you use for sack races . Bags that potatoes used to come in when I was a child . I never thought of using it as fiber for use in your home . But I think it 's great ! I mean , why not , right ? Fall . Such a great time of the year . So many possibilities . I love thinking of huddling down and doing inside things . I 'm even itching to download some digital scrap book kits and get back to scrapping . I better hurry though . . . . . . Christmas is coming fast which means I only have a couple weeks to really enjoy the fall . Despite the threat of rain , we headed off to the pumpkin patch this morning for our annual visit . I love going to BiZi Farms , mainly because it is the place where I have taken Kelton and Kaylen for almost every year of their lives . As it turns out , it is also the place that Stephanie has taken Andrew in his younger years . Kinda nice to have a place like that where we can merge the memories of both groups into one . Thankfully , the rains held off . We fed the animals in the petting area , we sampled fresh apple juice , got lost , and found , in the corn maze , shot pumpkins , picked out pumpkins , enjoyed hot apple cider and / or hot cocoa , played on the hay pyramid , and played in the corn bin . All in all , a very good time . Posted by What ? You thought I was done ? Silly you . : ) Guess what fun part happens when you put in a change of address at the post office ? You get to sign up for a bunch of mail order catalogs and other fun stuff . It is a perk . . . . well , if you are someone like me who likes to get catalogs in the mail . : ) I can 't really afford to shop there but looking at everything , dreaming and scheming of how I might capture the feel of something for way less money makes me kinda happy . Sure - I might not be able to get something like boston bedroom furniture but I can look at the way they set up a room and glean some ideas that I cam implement on my own in other ways . I 'm handy that way . . . . making a home and all . One of my favorite places to go , and not spend much money at all , is Big Lots . I picked up a few knicky - knacky type things for under $ 30 and gave several areas a little pick me up . Making the home I am building with Stephanie more " ours " . Always a good feeling . Did you hear that ? Yeah - I think it was me screaming . I just spent some time putting together a post and then we had a power flicker and I lost the connection and well . . . . . lost my dang post . Which is really just the icing on the cake for right now . One of those days when I give and do and do and give and it is never enough . And I 'm tired . I tried to nap but that was a no go with the three kids . Stephanie , however , can sleep through anything so she is still snoozing away . I got up , made food , fed them , cleaned up a mess or two , folded laundry , broke up arguments , etc . It 's raining . My plans for the weekend went up in smoke . It sucks only having the kids every other weekend because it appears I just lost my chance to go to the pumpkin patch . Sure , I could drag us all in the rain but then I have to endure the complaining and whining and honestly ? I 'm not up for it . It 's been a week of whining and complaining . . . . and standing firm with this kid or that kid . Dealing with the massive headache that " other people " bring . Dealing with an actual headache that I 've had all freaking week long . Are you wondering how many posts I can have about guitars ? Especially when I don 't actually play or have a deep love of them ? well wonder now more . Apparently , the answer is : A LOT . My friend , Stella , would probably love this guitar . Her birthday is Sunday . I would love to see the look on her face if I could present this to her to celebrate her years on the planet . Unfortunately , this won 't be waiting for her special day b ut I hope what I did send will make her * almost * as happy . Kelton . . . my sweet first born . Such a great kid . His curly hair and never ending smile lights up my days . He is doing so well in school - reading at an almost 9th grade level and excelling at everything else . Well , except spelling and penmanship . The spelling is because of his speech issues ( third year in speech and doing remarkably well ) and penmanship because well . . . . . . I have no reason . : ) But it doesn 't matter - I love him more than anything . I look at this picture and seriously cannot believe it . In my eyes , he is still about 15 months old , toddling all over the place . But I guess there is no denying it - he is growing into a fine young man . And I could not be more proud of him . I love you , Kelton . You truly are my miracle . Andrew is such a great kid . Always ready with a joke and a smile . Loves to play with the other two and to hear all of them laughing together is an amazing sound . He tries to act tough but is a gentle , sweet kid at heart . Posted by My beautiful daughter . Look at her hair ! I can 't believe how long it has gotten over the past year . Her hair aside , she is one of the two best things I have ever done in my entire life . Sweet , caring , kind , loving , generous ( to a fault ) , responsible , driven , imaginative , intelligent , funny , and oh so much more . Oh how I love this child ! Both Kaylen and Andrew had soccer games yesterday so we spent the morning driving into Vancouver to be at Andrew 's game at 9am and then racing out to Battleground for Kaylen 's 11am game . Due to Andrew 's game running over by . . . a lot . . . . we missed Kaylen 's warm up time and the first couple minutes of her game . Oh the life of multi - kid sport season . Next week , we have a game close to home and then another one an hour north . Since the kids are all at other parent 's houses next weekend , we have time to get to both because we don 't have to factor in warm up time . Only 4 more weeks for Kaylen 's games and then her season is over . I think Andrew 's schedule is the same but he might have two weeks longer . So today . Let 's see . . . . what might today hold , you know . . . . . AFTER the football game . We have the dishwasher that needs to be reinstalled from when we did the kitchen floor a few weeks back . We had tried to install it a couple times but as it turned out , we needed to replace a part which meant we had to order it and then wait for it to arrive . It 's here now so hopefully , it will be a quick job to get it back in . Trust me - the novelty of washing dishes by hand for a family of 5 wore off a good long time ago . The kids , however , have had a good taste of doing dishes which I think can only benefit them in the long run . Oh - did I tell you that I went to a PWT ( People Working Together ) meeting at the new school ? It 's their equivalent to a PTA or PTO . Anyway - I volunteered to be on the book fair committee for the October book fair . I am determined to keep my involvement down this year because I was so burned out by the end of last year . . . . my 4th year running the PTO at Crestline . It 's nice to see a higher number of parent volunteers at the new school but I heard the same thing from many people : it 's always the same group volunteering . Same issue , different school . I suppose that 's how it is everywhere , though . Being back in the school means background check reports , which because I knew I was going to get involved on some level , I completed back in June . Maybe at the next open house , there should be a station set up for easy processing of the background checks . It could have a banner that reads : FREE SERVICE : check background checks here ! ! And then , once people have their checks run , you snag them for volunteering . : ) Who is all up in my grill ? My sister . For two days running now I have gotten emails and phone calls saying " Your blog is boring . " " You could blog about getting stung by a bee , ya know . " " When are you going to blog ? " Ok ok ok . I get it . What can I say ? I 've been busy . . . . and . . . most importantly . . . . happily living life . When I get all happy , there isn 't much need for blogging and getting all my thoughts out . Besides , if I did blog about all the ridiculously happy things , you all would start complaining that I 'm pooping rainbows and unicorns . I can 't win , can I ? : ) So what 's new . . . . . . . we have two new kittens . They have yet to be named because we have yet to get to spend much time with them . They huddle together , sleep the day away , play all night , and hang out with Zip ( the 2 year old cat ) as they all try to avoid coming into contact with Cody and Maddie , the dogs . They have been with us two weeks today . As anti - social as they are , they have come a long , long way . If we catch them , we can hold them . Last night they let us pet them for a few minutes and one even snuggled with Kelton for a brief moment in time . They were from a wild litter , so really ? We are making progress . Slow but steady . I ruined a small section of the new floor which now needs to be replaced . Let 's say dropping a bottle of carpet cleaner solution and not noticing the lid broke off of it isn 't a good thing . It was only about 4 minutes of time but it was long enough to ruin about 4 boards . Stephanie , upon seeing my panic , assured me it was no big deal and she would fix it . . . and would , in fact , replace the entire house full of floors for me if she needed to . * swoon * She loves me , what can I say ? All I could think of was " All those hours and hours of hard work she put in laying the flooring ! Not even 6 weeks later , I go and wreck a patch . * sigh * Kids are doing well in school . Kelton seems to be happier at the new school then he was at the old one . Kaylen misses her old friends ( especially Ella ) and familiar teachers but is doing ok . She hates the bus so I am peppering the week with running out to pick them up ( I already take them every morning ) while still having them ride the bus home some days . The school counselor will be working with Kaylen to introduce her to come of the girls who ride her bus ( no one from her class rides her bus ) so she won 't feel quite so lost on the 40 minute ride home . Kelton and Kaylen have settled into the new house and we have found routines that work ( for the most part ) . Other than that - I really don 't think I have much to write about . Weekends are filled with home projects , soccer games , and some much needed down time . Life is busy and crazy and good . We have spent the past few weeks workig on the outside of the house . New paint , new gutters , and needed roof repairs . I have to say , we are really enjoying the peaceful light green color . It 's a subtle difference , but a good difference . I wish I had before and after photos of the inside . It is truly amazing what a lot of sweat equity gets you . : ) So - the kids have been in school for one week plus one day . Today was the first day there were no comments about " I wish I didn 't have to go to school . " or " I miss Crestline . " Today , both kiddos got up happily , took care of what they needed to take care of , and got themselves ready and into the car without so much as a cross word to each other , or me . This week , I started driving them in the mornings . It allows for a slower pace and , I believe , less stress and anxiety for Kaylen . She HATES the school bus . I can 't say I blame her . It is a 30 minute drive to school and a 45 minute ride home ( I have NO idea why it takes so much longer . They aren 't the last stop in the morning but somehow , they end up being second to last at the end of the day . ) That 's a long time to be on a hot , crowded , noisy bus . I agreed to take them most mornings and then pick them up one day each week which seems to be going well . ( The pick up lane at the schools is a nightmare ! I picked them up yesterday and was sooo frustrated . Plus I have to go through the lanes at both the school ( Kaylen is in the primary school ( K - 2 ) and on the other end of the property is the intermediate school ( 3 - 5 ) for Kelton . Different buildings , different rules , different picture days , different lunch rooms , different principals . . . etc . ) Last week we battled the " No one likes me . I have no friends . I hate that we moved . I hate this school . I want to go back to Crestline . " with Kaylen . Kelton seems to be rolling with it well and is making friends . Apparently , being a new 5th grader is much easier than being the new kid in 2nd grade . Or maybe it 's the boy vs . girl thing . Maybe it 's just my high anxiety daughter . I don 't know . This week , day by day , she is talking more and more of new friends , and today I heard the words " Best friend " in conjunction with someones name . Yesterday I learned she eats lunch with " all the girls " . I walked her to her door the past couple mornings and I have watched as more of the girls flock to her side when she arrives . It does this mommy 's heart good to see that ! I won 't lie . Moving , and starting a new school , has been a hard transition . Yesterday , our former district started back and I was hit a few times during the day with strong pangs of missing * my * friends at school , roaming around a building I know and had the ability to come and go from as I wanted . I was at the house picking up a few boxes ( yes - I still have stuff I am dealing with there - anyone want to come help me finish ? My back is slowing me down more than I want . ) and the school bus drove by . Apparently , no need to stop at the end of my driveway this year . Last year , at the beginning of the school year , there were 7 kids . By the end , there were three . Those three ( my two and another ) moved over the summer . So strange to have the bus filled with familiar faces drive by me without stopping to pick up my two . So yes , this has been difficult , and continues to be , for all three of us . But we are settling in and finding our place . . . . bit by bit . It 's a good thing I don 't smoke . I 'm pretty sure the stress would have me smoking a lot . I would probably need to look into those electronic cigarette 's with the famous smoke free shipping . It 's also a good thing I 'm not a big drinker because seriously ? There are some days I would like to pour a big , stiff drink . Instead , to deal with the stress , I put on my jammies , pull out a comfy blanket , turn on the TV , and curl up on the couch . Come to think of it - that has become a routine every single night this week . Stressed much ? Naaaaaah . : ) Hey - at least I found a good way to deal with it , right ? Check out this fancy schmancy Epiphone Limited Edition Joe Bonamassa Les Paul Electric Guitar . And it can be yours for the teeny tiny asking price of $ 1165 . 00 . * THUD * Good thing I 'm not in the market for an electric guitar . : ) If I were , I 'd probably go for an affordable gibson copy because why not , right ? Copies are good . It 's not like I 'm a professional musician . If I were , I just might pony up the $ 1165 . : ) Why am I looking at guitars ? Good question . Sucha good question that I have no good answer except " because " . You know , that famous answer that drives parents INSANE when a child give it . " Because is NOT an answer . " We all say in response . |
I don 't want to sound condescending , but I have to smile every time I read when someone searches for those two things ; I know that they are new to this narcissist thing and still in denial , still full of hope and wishful thinking . Thinking that if they change , the narcissist will also . I hate to be the needle to pop their balloon but trying to reason with a narcissist is … . . well its like that fable about the Frog and the Crocodile Once , there was a frog who lived in the middle of a swamp . His entire family had lived in that swamp for generations , but this particular frog decided that he had had quite enough wetness to last him a lifetime . He decided that he was going to find a dry place to live instead . The snakes hissed and jeered at him , daring him to come closer , but he refused . Occasionally they would slither closer , jaws open to attack , but the frog always leaped out of the way . But no matter how far upstream he searched or how far downstream , the frog wasn 't able to find a way across the water . The frog sighed in frustration and sat to sulk in the rushes . Suddenly , he spotted two big eyes staring at him from the water . The giant log - shaped animal opened its mouth and asked him , " What are you doing , Frog ? Surely there are enough flies right there for a meal . " The frog croaked in surprise and leaped away from the crocodile . That creature could swallow him whole in a moment without thinking about it ! Once he was a satisfied that he was a safe distance away , he answered . " I 'm tired of living in swampy waters , and I want to travel to the other side of the river . But if I swim across , the snakes will eat me . " " Now why would I let the snakes get you ? I think they 're a terrible nuisance with all their hissing and slithering ! The river would be much better off without them altogether ! Anyway , if you 're so worried that I might eat you , you can ride on my tail . " The frog considered his offer . He did want to get to dry ground very badly , and there didn 't seem to be any other way across the river . He looked at the crocodile from his short , squat buggy eyes and wondered about the crocodile 's motives . But if he rode on the tail , the croc couldn 't eat him anyway . And he was right about the snakes - no self - respecting crocodile would give a meal to the snakes . The crocodile flopped his tail into the marshy mud and let the frog climb on , then he waddled out to the river . But he couldn 't stick his tail into the water as a rudder because the frog was on it - and if he put his tail in the water , the snakes would eat the frog . They clumsily floated downstream for a ways , until the crocodile said , " Hop onto my back so I can steer straight with my tail . " The frog moved , and the journey smoothed out . From where he was sitting , the frog couldn 't see much except the back of Crocodile 's head . " Why don 't you hop up on my head so you can see everything around us ? " Crocodile invited . " Oh , come now . It 's a beautiful view ! Surely you don 't think that I 'm going to eat you after we 're halfway across . My home is in the marsh - what would be the point of swimming across the river full of snakes if I didn 't leave you on the other bank ? " Frog was curious about what the river looked like , so he climbed on top of Crocodile 's head . The river looked almost pretty from this view . He watched dragonflies darting over the water and smiled in anticipation as he saw firm ground beyond the cattails . When the crocodile got close enough , the frog would leap off his head towards freedom . He wouldn 't give the croc a chance to eat him . " Would you go check my nose for a piece of cattail fluff , then ? " the crocodile begged , twitching his nose . " I 'm afraid I 'll sneeze and send you flying . I don 't want to feed you to the snakes . " A tear seeped out of his eye , as if he was holding back a mighty sneeze . The bank isn 't too far , the frog thought . And it 's the least he could do to repay him for bringing him over . So he hopped onto the crocodile 's snout and checked the nostrils . Just a little closer , and he could jump … " I don 't see - " he began . Just then , with a terrific CHOMP ! the frog disappeared . The crocodile licked his lips in satisfaction and gave a tiny half - sneeze . " Good , I feel much better already , " he smiled , and turned around to go back home . Moral of the story is ………… . . you can try to reason with a narcissist , he will even seem to be agreeing with you , you feel you have made progress , your hopes are buoyed , the future looks brighter and then he will strike you where it hurts , because he is a narcissist and narcissists do not play fair , they don 't want to " be reasonable " because they like chaos and discord , they want to call you unreasonable , and blame you for everything . Being reasonable would look too much like getting along , playing fair , following rules , being honest , faithful and understanding , giving , and all those other yucky things people in relationships do when they are in love and they care about the other person . It is what he had to do to hook you , and that was bad enough , he certainly isn 't going to do it when he doesn 't have to . He might put on a good show of being reasonable if you break up but it will only last until he has you back . How do you get them to fall in love with you ? See answer to How to Reason with a Narcissist , It is impossible because Narcissists don 't love anyone , they are not capable of love , their brains don 't " do love " because they are too self absorbed to love anyone but themselves . They lack empathy and without empathy or a conscience , it is impossible to really love someone . Reply Helen says : May 9 , 2015 at 3 : 54 am Well interesting read . I have been with my new love now for some months now , his ex wife was and is narcissistic she just wont leave him alone . he has repeatedly told her to stop contacting they are divorced etc . Well today she rocked up at his house with an excuse to see his step son who lives with him . Also that morning he was told his brother had just died two hours before . I am usually there at the week ends and she knows that . But because its mothers day tomorrow I am staying with my mum . Well he phoned me today and told me his sad news and told me she is there . I am not sure what to think . I have made excuses for him because he is grieving but knowing she came and is baking a cake for his son . What an I to think , what can i do . She always comes back . Reply Helen says : May 9 , 2015 at 6 : 30 am Needed to add more as he phoned me tonight , because I txt him saying all his ex is doing is trying to do break us up he came back to me saying I was jealous . He is in denial he can not see what she is trying to do . He was the one who divorced her , he was telling me she is having trouble letting go . Reply Carrie Reimer says : May 9 , 2015 at 12 : 14 pm Helen , I think you have to step back and rethink this whole relationship . For one thing , how do you know she is the narcissist , because he says so ? I am sure my ex is telling everyone I am a narcissist too . Do you know for sure he isn 't calling her and crying the blues so she goes over because she believes he loves her ? Are you sure he isn 't playing both of you against each other ? I suggest stepping back completely , and wait , time will tell and his true colours will show . Triangulation is such a typical ploy of a narcissist . I know my ex was telling his new woman that I was stalking him and he was afraid of what I would do , that I was psycho . I didn 't even know his phone number or his address , but he kept showing up at my door and my place of work professing his undying love . I finally sent him an email and CC 'd her saying to leave me alone and then he hand delivered a letter with her in the car watching , saying that he had found the love of his life and would never be there for me again and to get on with my life . Hold it ! ! you can 't dump me ! ! I just dumped you ! ! ! I would not put it past him to sabotage his own vehicle and say it was me just to make her think I was the nut case . I know in the past he put sugar in his own gas tank and blamed his g / f 's ex . They are warped and can do things a normal person would never think of . Reply Helen says : May 9 , 2015 at 1 : 30 pm It is me calling her a Narcissist he had no idea what it was he had to look it up . I only went by what happened in their relationship . But you are correct he is not perfect him self because when she makes contact he seems to reply . He told me he was just being nice when she rocked up at his door wanting to make this cake for his son . But his sister were there as well and were cold towards her . Any how all I know are my feelings and I was upset knowing she was there making her self comfortable in the kitchen we share touching my things . Her knowing quite well that i wouldn 't be there . I will go to the funeral next week with him as I know the family well and they cool off from him and get him to think . I do think he enjoys hurting me and her too because its so easy for him to let her her go but he doesn 't seem to be able some how . I only asked him last week does he want her back and he said no . Reply Olivia Rose says : May 9 , 2015 at 7 : 59 am Great post . One very simple , short piece of advice that someone once gave me was simply , " You can 't reason with crazy . " Nothing is ever going to make sense or be fair with a narcissist . Reply Broken Hearted says : May 11 , 2015 at 11 : 26 am I completely agree . I tried to reason with my ex about fixing our relationship before it turned deadly but no matter what I said , he would have ten more excuses as to why . He never listened and I don 't think he ever heard a word I said . He had something stuck in his head and that was the only thing he ever believed . Reply Carrie Reimer says : May 12 , 2015 at 7 : 21 am Broken Hearted , they don 't want to fix a relationship , they thrive on the chaos and the drama . He knows the truth , but he will never admit it because he will never admit to being wrong and he wants to fight . My ex would be like a dog with a bone over something he said I did wrong . I would explain exactly what happened and think the problem was solved and 10 minutes later he was on me for the same thing again . His sister was staying with us and was in the spare bedroom but could hear him giving me shit about never buying groceries and he had to buy them all . I had my receipt from groceries I had bought but he totally ignored it and was badgering about owning him money and he had spent over a hundred on food just the other day . It went on and on until finally she came out of the bedroom and said , " I couldn 't help but over hear and I don 't want to get involved in your disagreement but James you are wrong . You bought groceries over a month ago and they consisted of stuff for yourself , you spent under $ 50 and it was razors , shaving cream and sandwiches , there were no groceries . Carrie buys groceries every day and just did a big shopping a couple of days ago . " He looked at her and said " You are right . " She went back in the bedroom and she told me should couldn 't believe her ears when she heard him giving me shit about the same damn thing 5 minutes later . Reply Mary Langner says : May 9 , 2015 at 7 : 09 pm The last weekend I spent at the narc 's house , I opened the cupboard and dishes and glasses were rigged to fall out . It was the strangest thing . I figured someone had been in the house but probably the more correct answer was that the narc had set the whole thing up as some kind of weird thing that was happening to him . He was in such a fantasy world at the time of my departure . I also felt that at any time , he was capable of erupting with anger and I would be the target . I told him I was not coming back and he said that " Maybe we could work something out that would be more permanent . " I informed him I was not interested . His face dropped but I could see him " scheduling " in his mind all of the replacements . It was just a matter of rescheduling interment partners for his entertainment , his audience . We are all interchangeable . We mean nothing to these critters . They have no empathy . Therefore , no morals . They don 't have any idea of what them sleeping with another person means to you or do they care . They just don 't get it and they never will . I know my narcissist was proud to say that he had slept with another woman the night his first child was born . What kind of a human being does that . A narcissist does that . Not only does he do this but he also retells the information to anyone who will listen . They are inhuman . Helen , you need to let the dust settle . Take a step back and love yourself enough to see what is going on . I do know what you are going through . It is their crazy dance , a dance you will be doing the entire time you are with him , if he is a narcissist . I wish someone would have pulled me aside and told me . It would have saved me a lot of grief . Grief that I will not go through again . My Narc - dar is very good now . If they are too good to be true , they probably are . Reply maryleemorgan says : May 11 , 2015 at 8 : 40 am Good one , Carrie . I am reminded of the fable of the venomous snake who wheedles his way into the pocket of a compassionate traveler to get up a mountain only to bite and kill his benefactor at the top . His excuse for himself was " you knew I was a snake when you picked me up . " Those of us who reach out for help or who find ourselves repeatedly crying on the shoulders of friends and family while we are under narcissistic abuse get the pushback that we knew - or should have known - that he was a snake and they have no sympathy for us . But it 's not like that . It 's way more like your crocodile story where the wheedling is much more intense and ongoing , obscuring our internal red flags at each new level of exposure . I think you would agree that even this fable , though , doesn 't say it all . Reply Carrie Reimer says : May 12 , 2015 at 7 : 28 am Marylee , you are right , this fable doesn 't near cover the depth of deception and mind F * $ king that goes on when you are with a narcissist . But the narcissist does argue with such conviction and after a while he does almost make sense because he gets the victim so confused they don 't know what the truth is any more or they just give up trying to make sense of things and let him have it his way to hopefully get some peace . By the time I left I was at the point where I knew he was going to kill me and I didn 't care , I just wanted off the roller coaster ride , I just wanted the pain to stop . Reply Jacky says : May 12 , 2015 at 5 : 09 am To Helen : my ex - narc husband told me all manner of bad things about his first wife , that she was psycho , that he had to leave her for the sake of his children 's mental health etc . Well guess what ? After a while he began telling me that I was psycho and that he would have to leave me if I didn 't change because I was ruining his children 's mental health . Truth is with both his first wife and I , he was projecting his own behaviour . Reply maryleemorgan says : May 12 , 2015 at 11 : 58 am Mine would not only project his own stuff onto me , but would pick up my feelings and think they were his , then blame and punish me for making him feel that way . Talk about crazy - making ! I can 't tell you how many years I questioned and re - questioned my own sanity . I think our anger comes not only from the extreme hurt , but from finally figuring out how badly we have been lied to and manipulated - that it was them all along and not us driving the crazies . That 's the anger I most want to move away from . Now that I am not living in the middle of all that , I can move away and just let it be and get some peace in my own self . Distance , space , and time is my ticket right now . Reply Mary Langner says : May 12 , 2015 at 9 : 58 am I would always get a tense muscle from my back going up the left side of my head when around the narc . By the time I left , I too was afraid that something was so wrong , I was afraid for my safety . Once again , I cannot believe how they are all alike . Nothing is more horrible than to realize that they are just one disagreement , one rage away from you becoming a stat on the nightly news . Our stories are all the same . They are such horrible , horrible people and they all start out so charming , so sincere , so loving . As much as I would love to be independently wealthy and able to help everyone free of charge I just can not . I don 't have any secrets that I only share privately , everything I know about narcissists I share here for free . But if you feel you need one on one consultation I can be reached at reimerc @ outlook . com to make arrangements for personal , private support for a fee . Please email me to discuss rates and what your needs are . I look forward to working with you on your journey back to the land of the living ! There is life and light after the narcissist , I promise ! ! DISCLAIMER It has been brought to my attention by the police that my blog may incite violence . I want to make it perfectly clear that my intention was never one of revenge or violence against my ex . I have ensured to not put his full name in the blog and have used his first name or initials . Anyone can do a Google search on his name or business name and my blog will not appear anywhere in the search results . Interestingly enough his ad looking for sex does show up . So why do I have this blog ? Like the police officer said , " Most victims who are fearful of their abuser try to avoid making him angry . " My reply was ; You are right and the silence of the victim perpetuates the problem of domestic abuse and enables the abuser to continue . I promised myself that if I survived what I was going through I would spend the rest of my days raising awareness and sharing my experience in hopes I saved even one woman from suffering like I did . I refer to my personal experience because I want to be totally honest and open , which makes the people who come to my blog comfortable enough to share their experiences and know they are not crazy . I thought I was crazy , most victims do . I wanted to show that they are not alone and they are not crazy . My blog is not technical , I am not a counselor or mental health professional in any way . I am a survivor of domestic abuse by someone I consider to be a psychopath / narcissist . I had no idea what had happened to me , I have shared every step of my recovery and every bit of information I have found on narcissists and psychopaths ; good and bad , in hopes it helps someone else . I blog in hopes of ending violence , NOT inciting violence ! The police officer was very understanding , I wish I would have spoken someone like him years ago . I am all about not breaking the law , I didn 't make it to almost 60 with a clean record by accident . When I asked the officer what I can do to appease the law and yet still retain my right to free speech he suggested I go through my posts and remove my ex 's name and replace it with " My ex " . I have started this process but with over 1000 posts it is going to take time . The officer said that someone reading my blog might get so upset by what I share that they decide to hunt down my ex and do him harm . I find it hard to believe someone would go to that extent . But there are nutcases in the world . Let me assure you ! ! I do not want anyone thinking I would approve of any harm coming to my ex . He really is not worth it ! ! The man has taken enough of my time . This is not about him , it is about me raising awareness about a very serious issue that affects 1 in 4 women in North America and 1 in 3 women globally . According to my ex every woman he has ever been involved with is a psycho bitch C & % * and he has changed because he has found his soulmate . Personally , I had never been in an abusive relationship prior to him and I did not go running to another man to heal me after him . I chose to find out what happened to me , work on myself and educate myself so that it never happened again to me and so I could educate others . So that is what I intend to continue doing . Lady Witha Truck by Carrie Reimer is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - NoDerivatives 4 . 0 International License . © Carrie Reimer and Lady Witha Truck , 2011 - 2016 . Unauthorized use and / or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog 's author and / or owner is strictly prohibited . Excerpts and links may be used , provided that full and clear credit is given to Carrie Reimer and Lady Witha Truck with appropriate and specific direction to the original content . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
Last night was a tough one for Nathan . His nurse struggled to stay ahead of his pain and movement all night . The problem was that he needed an increase in all his doses of medications , he had gotten used to the old doses , and by the time we realized that and got the order for the new doses the pain was ahead of us and we had to really work to catch up with it . His nurse ended up putting him in restraints because he was moving so much and she didn 't want him to go for hte breathing tube and self - extubate , that would be very bad . Every time he did move he seemed to be wiping his eyes though which makes me think the morphine is making him itchy and he wants to scratch ( morphine also makes me itchy ) . Again in the early morining right after an x - ray he was moving around too much again . So again his doses were increased . That means that when they were increased at the beginning of the night the doses weren 't increased enough . So for right now he 's doing OK . ORL was just in here and talked again about decreasing his sedation , I told them no . For Nathan he seems to be either asleep or moving way to much - no middle ground . The doctor just keeps saying that wiggly is good , but not too wiggly . I don 't think he understands what wiggly in Nathan looks like these days . Later today we should get a time for tomorrow . The current ORL doctor said that he thinks it will be earlier in the day since it 's a smaller procedure , Dr . N tends to save his bigger things for later in the day So hopefully we won 't have to wait around all day tomorrow . Posted by Nathan had an OK night last night , and his nurse was the reason it wasn 't good . For a while last night his BP was a little elevated , nothing bad but just above where it usually is . The problem is that Nathan loves to sleep . He loves to lay in his bed and be cozy with his blanket . He likes quiet when he sleeps , not silence but no talking and disruptions . He likes the alone time . The nurse last night was obnoxious and loud all night long . Every 2 hours the nurse ( all the nurses ) come in to do care , they reposition him , change his diaper and suction his breathing tube out . Each time his nurse last night did that she turned on all the overhead lights and talked to the respiratory therapist about her personal life . I swear she was saving all her talking for while she was in our room . For example , I know she is from Chicago and left her boyfriend there to become a traveling nurse and it was hard to tell him but he understood that it 's what she wanted to do . He does get upset each time she takes a new assignment but they make it work and visit each other at least every 2 months . Now , I didn 't ask her a single question , I learned all that from just trying to sleep . So I asked Nathan this morning if he was tired , yes he is tired . Did he get sleep last night , no he did not get sleep . Did he want Mommy to stop talking to him so he could get sleep , yes he did . So I know his BP was elevated because he was annoyed that he wasn 't getting sleep and wanted to . Heck , you could have checked my BP last night and it would have been elevated . Needless to say I talked to the nurse , she cried to her friends , and I talked to the charge nurse and we will have a different nurse tonight . I talked to ORL and they are going to decrease his sedation in preparation for Thursday 's extubation . They are also going to start steroids to help with any swelling he may have and start another antibiotic just because he 's going back to the OR . He is on the schedule for Thursday but we won 't know what time until Wednesday afternoon . As soon as I do know aPosted by Nathan is still holding strong . He 's stable and for now that is still all we want . His oxygen has been good , it hasn 't dropped in a while and that is great . It looks like later today he is going to go off the floor to get his g - tube turned into a j - tube . That means that when he is fed the food will bypass his stomach and go directly into his jejunum , the second part of his small intestine . The doctors want to do that to make it safer for him to " eat " rather than being in IV nutrition for the next few days . I had to make it clear to the dr that even if they are able to get a j - tube in he IS NOT going home with that and he will be going home with a g - tube . It took us a very long time to get him transitioned from a j - tube to a g - tube and we aren 't interested in going back . It 's OK as a temporary thing but it 's not going to be long - term . The team just thinks with the g - tube he will be more likely to aspirate since he is paralyzed , no muscles in his body are working and that includes the ones involved with keeping food where it belong and preventing reflux . Hopefully they are right and he will be safe with the j - tube . I 'm not sure when he is going to get that done , or if it will even happen today . A lot needs to be coordinated to get a kid on a ventialtor off the ICU floor . Posted by Sorry I didn 't get a chance to update yesterday , Nathan kept me busy and we got some visitors . Aunt Kathleen , Trevor and Mimi all came to see Nathan and he was as excited as one can be in a medically paralyzed state . He did try to open his eyes when he heard he was getting visitors and while my mom was reading to him his heart rate slowed down showing us that he was either sound asleep , or very relaxed with Mimi . It was nice for me to see Trevor , I haven 't seem him since Wednesday . I like to think he missed me but when I picked him up I separated him from his food and he wasn 't happy about that . Next time we 're reunited I will make sure to have an emergency banana with me . Nathan is doing pretty good . He had one incident yesterday where his oxygen level went down to 12 % , it 's supposed to be 100 % - alarms start at 90 % . The nurse was changing his diaper and he started peeing all over the place so she quickly put a diaper on him , we think that started him and caused him to move wrong and block his breathing tube . All the alarms went off , she called for help and the cavalry arrived . Everyone came running , with the code cart , and he came back up as quickly as he went down . Still scary for a mommy to see that , and to see them bag him instead of using the vent . Today he is doing good . They are questioning the position of the breathing tube - he keeps having similar incidents to yesterday . Since his nurse knows his signs she catches him before he goes way down and he is able to recover quickly . The ORL doctor is going to come back in a little while and put a scope down the breathing tube to check to position of the breathing tube , they think it might be just a little bit too low and that is what is causing all this trouble . So we just have to wait and see , in the meantime his nurse is never far from our room . Posted by I just wanted to give you all a quick update on Nathan . He is still doing great . Earlier today his nurse came in to do care and she goes " get over here , he 's responding to me " so I went over to his bed and started talking to him . When I asked him if he was doing good he nooded his head yes - I love that he responded , his team does not love that he was able to move so his paralytic was increased . The nurse just knew that I would like those few seconds with him before he went back to sleep . Here is his mailing address , I 'm going to put it on the blog later in case anyone wants to mail him anything . 300 Longwod Ave7 South MSICUC / O Nathan WebsterBoston , MA 02115 Please don 't feel like you have to send anything , but I know some people wanted to send cards and things . Flowers aren 't allowed in the ICU so please don 't send those and latex balloons also aren 't allowed , mylar ones are . Thanks ! Nathan did well overnight . Originally his ORL doctor had said that he might be allowed to wake up during this first week as long as he could hold still , I 'm not sure the doctor knew who he was talking about . When they first got Nathan out of the OR he was simply on a sedative and morphine for pain control , he wasn 't paralyzed . They were going to allow him to wake up a little and see how he did , but they also had restraints on his wrists to keep him from pulling his tube . Overnight Nathan did start to wake up and wasn 't thrilled with his situation so he started thrashing around . It wasn 't as bad as it sounds but because any little movement can disrupt his surgical site he was medically paralyzed . The restraints were removed from his wrists since he no longer needs them , he is completley unable to move any part of his body . That includes breathing so he is completley dependent on the ventilator . He was going to be on the vent the whole first week anyway so that 's no big deal . Really this isn 't something I 'm suprised by , Nathan does have a history of self - extubating when he gets mad and this is one time when he will do more damage by doing that . So it 's going to be a boring first week for us , Nathan won 't even open his eyes and will be " sleeping " this whole first week . Anyone have any good netflix recomendations ? Overall he 's doing as good as can be expected for being a little more than 12 hours post - op . He looks great , there isn 't really that much swelling . His vitals are all stable and that 's all we want for right now . If you need me please text , we aren 't supposed to have our phones on ( but I do ) . I will periodically check my phone to see if anyone has texted me recently . I can call from outside the unit so if you need to talk to me text me and I will go outside the unit to call you . Posted by He 's out and stable . The surgeon just came out and said everything went well . Nathan did great during surgery . He is going to go to the SICU soon . I don 't know much , just that he is OK and his trach is gone . I should know more tomorrow . Thanks for all the prayers all day , they worked ! We just got another update . It 's still going to be a little while . The doctor is hoping to be done around 8 . The problem with that is the surgery waiting area closes at 6 : 30 - we have gotten our last update from the liason . So at 7 we are going to go up to the SICU ( surgical ICU ) and wait for Nathan to arrive . We will talk with the doctor once Nathan is moved up there . Hopefully it isn 't long after 8 . I 'll update again when I can . Thanks for thinking of us . Your texts , facebook messages and all your support have meant a lot to us . Matt and I both really appreciate it . Posted by Nathan is still in the OR . We just got an update and the liason said when she spoke with the doctor he told her that Nathan is stable but it 's still going to be a while . When the liason asked him for an estimate on how much longer he told her he couldn 't give one , it was going to be a while longer . More waiting . . . this is getting boring . And we keep seeing families come and go and we just wait . . . I just want to see my boy and see that he is OK . Posted by Nathan was finally taken into the OR around 11 : 30 , only an hour late isn 't really all that bad . I was able to go right into the OR with him and hold him while he was put under anesthesia . He was given gas that made him go right to sleep . After that Matt and I went and checked in with the liason and then went to lunch . We got back from the cafeteria and the liason came and found us , the general surgeon was coming to talk to us . When he came out he said they had " hit a little speedbump " and were unable to place an IV . Neither Matt or I were suprised by that , he 's a really hard stick . So they just needed us to sign a consent for a central line . That was around 12 : 30 , so in the next hour we should start getting updates each hour . Now we just wait . Posted by I meant to update yesterday but wasn 't able to figure out how to update from my phone and we didn 't have internet at the hotel . Nathan is doing great , he keeps saying he wants to go home though . He hasn 't seemed nervous at all , but we aren 't doing anything yet . We are at the hospital and waiting to go to the pre - op clinic . We have to be there by 9 for a 10 : 30 surgery time . Hopefully that doesn 't get pushed back but we are now operating on doctor time and that 's never the same as regular people time . I 'll update again once he actually goes into the OR . I am going to go into the OR with him , it makes it less scary for him if a parent goes . So I will go in and be with him until he goes to sleep . Say a prayer for us , we sure can use them today . Posted by I 've had a few questions lately about what exactly Nathan 's surgery will entail and that made me realize that most people have no idea how big of a surgery this is . So I figured I would explain what his surgery is going to be and reasons why it might not work . That might help all of you understand why Matt and I aren 't always as optimistic about the outcome of surgery . Before I can do that you need to understand why he has the trach , so bear with me this could be a long one . Why He Has The Trach During the surgery to repair his esophagus the surgeon was dangerously close to the nerve that controls your vocal cords . We didn 't know it going in but a big risk of esophageal surgery is vocal cord nerve damage , Nathan had worst case scenario . The nerve that controls his vocal cords was shut , paralyzing his vocal cords in the closed position . When we breathe our vocal cords open and allow air into our lungs . Then whenever we swallow our vocal cords close and protect our airway so the food goes into our stomach rather than our lungs . Nathan 's vocal cords are closed and prohibit him from breathing from above his vocal cords . His trach ( as all are ) is below his vocal cords so that he can breathe . Surgery Info Nathan will first be put under general anesthesia . Then a few different IV lines will be placed , a PICC line and a regular IV . He will need more than one IV site because it 's a big surgery and there is a HUGE risk of bleeding , so he will more than likely need blood during surgery . They can use one IV for blood and another IV for other things . Putting the IV in will take a while , he 's a very hard stick after all the IV 's he had in his life . Once the IV is in the actual surgery will begin . First a general surgeon ( hopefully his pediatric surgeon Dr . B ) will take rib cartilage out . Then the ORL doctor will use the rib cartilage and place it between his vocal cords . The rib cartilage will be used to " prop open " his vocal cords . Opening the vocal cords will give him a wider airway and allow him to breathe without the trach , hopefully . Once the vocal cords are opened the ORL doctor will close his trach site . That means closing the opening they created in his trach and closing the stoma on the outside . This will leave him with just a little scar on the front of his neck that eventually we would never see . Who has ever see Catherine Zeta - Jones former trach scar ? I know it doesn 't sound like much but keep in mind that this will be our little 3 year old boy 's 14th surgery - in 3 years . Each time he has surgery he develops more and more scar tissue and that has effectively turned his abdomen into concrete ( his surgeon 's exact words ) , the scar tissue is tough to get through and remove . It makes surgery more difficult and makes everything take longer . Once Nathan is out of surgery he will be taken to the ICU for at least a week . While he 's in the ICU he will be heavily sedated , probably medically paralyzed , for at least the first week . He is scheduled to go back to the OR on September 1st for a trial extubation . At that time the ORL doctor will use a camera and look down his throat at the surgical site , as long as it looks like it 's healing they will trial an extubation . Possible Complications Inability to Breathe - the ORL doctor said that some kids who had been trached for a while just panic once they are expected to breathe without the trach . Nathan has been trached since he was 4 months old , he 's lived virtually all of his life with the trach so this is a very real possibility . Nathan has never reacted well to change , or when he 's expected to do new things . He used to throw up at the mere sight of his physical therapist . He 's not great with new things so hopefully he does OK with his " new " breathing . Bleeding - while the general surgeon is operating he will be open for a while . That means there will be a lot of bleeding , it could be too much . This is nothing new for Nathan , it wouldn 't be his first transfusion and I 'm sure it wouldn 't be his last . Then once ORL takes over they are operating VERY close to a major vein in his neck that runs right behind his trachea . Ever since he was trached there has been the risk of his trach " rubbing " through his trachea and opening up that vein causing a major bleed - that risk is still there during surgery while the surgeons are in there manipulating things . This is the one that really scares me . This one means there is a very real risk Nathan wouldn 't make it out of surgery . I 'm living in denial about it and I prefer to stay there . Protecting his airway - Once Nathan has been extubated and has proven that he can breathe on his own it turns to safety . His vocal cords will not move at all , they won 't be able to protect his airway . He is going to have to compensate for that with his swallow technique . He will need to be able to swallow safely for this surgery to be called a success . The first hurdle is his own saliva , if Nathan can 't even swallowing his saliva safely this surgery is a complete failure . When I say " swallow safely " that means swallowing without anything going into his lungs , if something does go into his lungs that is called aspiration . He can 't aspirate - that 's how people get pneumonia . If he can handle his saliva we will move onto actual eating . Nathan needs to be able to breathe on his own to go home . Nathan needs to be able to safely swallow at least his saliva to go home . Nathan needs to be able to hold his oxygen saturation to go home . It doesn 't sound like a lot but it is . There are HUGE goals for him , goals Matt and I have had since we first heard that Nathan needed to trach , when he was 4 months old . When Nathan first got the trach it was devestating to us . It completley changed the course of all our lives , we were suddenly the parents of a child with chronic medical needs . We were a family who depended on Apria ( HATE THEM ) to keep Nathan safe with his medical equipment . We were a family who couldn 't go on vacation without first sending a few boxes full of equipment . We want to be a family who can travel without medical stuff . We want to be a family who doesn 't have to live with the constant worry that comes with chronic medical needs . We want Nathan to have as normal a life as possible , and for us that means no trach . We are hopeful that the surgery will work but aren 't counting on it . Read over those possible complications and understand why Matt and I aren 't " putting all our eggs in one basket " We want to be realistic , we want to be prepared . Nathan has never had surgery without a complication . We are just expecting the complication that comes with this surgery to be one that causes the trach to go back in . Posted by We have spent the last two days at my Aunt and Uncles house on Crooked Lake . Nathan loves to go out there to see all our california cousins and go fishing with Aunt Susie . This year while they were visiting my cousin had a lot of his friends visiting as well . They are all in their early 20 's , not married with no kids . I didn 't think they would be at all interested in the boys and sort of assumed the boys would be an annoyance to them - I remember being that age . So we got to the lake and were introduced to the people we didn 't know ( we had met some of them before ) and then Nathan wanted to go fishing . Trevor however wanted to stay on the deck and eat , he does love to eat . Trevor and Nathan both had a great time and warmed up to all the new people quickly . I was also very suprised at how all the other people there were with the boys - they were all amazing . At one point Nathan decided he wanted to play baseball with the other " big boys " so I asked my cousin if he would mind letting Nathan have a turn ( they were plaiyng a real game and I didn 't want Nathan to be in the way ) but he didn 't mind . They gave nathan the bat and let him have a turn . He hit the ball and then ran all the bases , all while the others were throwing it around " trying " to get him out . He had a great time running and got a home run ( imagine how suprised I was ) . The whole way home , the part he was awake for , he talked about how he ran fast and won ! Then today we went back to the lake and everyone was again great with the boys . They included them in what they were doing and Trevor loved all the attention . I was just suprised that a group of young adults would be so good with the kids . It was very nice to see Nathan have so much fun with everyone . He was so sad when we had to leave , but Trevor 's fever is back so we needed to get him home at a reasonable time . I got a call today from the Cape Cod hospial , Trevor has a UTI , that is why his fever is so high . I am going to call the pediatrician tomorrow and get a prescription for an antibiotic . HopefullLaura We left for Cape Cod on Monday morning , the drive was good . We got to the house we were renting around 1 and started to unpack and unload the cars . We also went grocery shopping to get ready for the rest of the week . Then we met some family at the beach for a night - time concert . It was a good day , as good as a day can be spending it traveling . Tuesday we went to Provincetown to take Nathan whale watching , he was VERY excited to go on a big boat and see whales . While we were walking around I noticed Trevor was cranky and felt warm , I figured he was getting more teeth . I gave him tylenol and we got on the boat . I was a little nervous since I usually get seasick but this time I was fine . Trevor was very fussy and whined for a while until he finally fell asleep . We saw tons of whales and Nathan was thrilled to pieces to see a whale jump out of the water ! He told anyone who would listen that the whale jumped out of the water , he was so happy . Then it was time to go back to the harbor and it started to sprinkle so we all went inside the boat . Trevor was sound asleep in the carrier but was like a furnace on my chest . He slept most of the way in until we were about 15 minutes out then he woke up cranky ! He cried and cried until I got up , I started to walk around with him and then a woman says to me " he 's throwing up on you " I looked down and Trevor had gotten sick all over . Katherine and I took him outside and stripped him down to get out of the puke clothes , I took my sweatshirt off since that was also dirty and then we wrapped Trevor in my sister 's sweatshirt . By this time he was burning up but we couldn 't do much for him . When we got to shore we gave him more tylenol and walked to the car . We drove home ( a 45 minute drive ) and then checked his temperature , it was 105 . 7 . Katherine and I took him to the ER , after Ginny went to the neighbor 's house to find out where the hospital was . We spent 6 hours in the hospital with Trevee . They put an IV in him , did bloodwork , urine tests and an x - ray . Everything came back normal sSo our vacation didn 't exactly go as planned . Trevor and I never even made it to the beach , oh well there 's always next year . Pictures to come later . I didn 't take any since I wasn 't involved in any of the fun ! Just thought I 'd let you all know that we are leaving for Cape Cod tomorrow morning , so of course that means Nathan now has a fever and says he doesn 't feel good . His trach still isn 't producing green mucous but I 'm bure that isn 't far off considering the amount of stuff coming out . Of course he gets sick before we leave for vacation , he 'd hate to go away and feel good . In good news he 's now a talking maniac . He can say so many words I can 't believe it . Mostly when he speaks a work he will say the vowel sounds for the word , for instance Lisa has become " eeuuhh " but he can say some other consonant sounds , he now calls Grame " mee mee " so she 's changed her name to MiMi to acomodate his speach . Sign is still his easier form of communication and when he is speaking a word I don 't understand I 'll ask him to sign it , and he still signs 98 % of the time , but he is saying more now than he was a week ago and that 's amazing ! Trevor has decided he 's ready to walk . Yesterday Lisa dropped the boys off at my house and stayed so she could watch them while I worked . So we were all hanging out in the living room , Lisa was supervising the boys I was getting ready to throw my phone out the window from frustration and then Trevor just walked across the living room as if he 's been doing it forever . Then he turned around and walked back to me , then laughed hysterically . OK , I 'll post pictures once we 're back . No internet access while we are there ! As I write this I shold be getting things ready to go to Cape Cod in a few days but I 'm not . I have the big things packed but nothing that any other person would ever even need . I have sterile water , trach ties , HME 's , saline ampules , an extra trach , suction catheters . . . No clothes yet though , they will be packed this weekend right after I do laundry . The boys are both doing great . Nathan is in his last week of summer program for preschool . His graduation in next week but we are going to miss it because of vacation . Trevor has started walking a little , he will take a couple steps and then fall down and crawl , crawling is faster for him right now so he likes it better . Nothing has been going on so I haven 't updated much . I have been working a lot to try to compensate for the week I 'll be in Cape Cod and the month or so I will be in Boston . We leave for Cape Cod on Monday , Nathan 's pretty excited to drive in Grame 's car the whole way there . That will leave just Lisa and I in my car with Trevor . Hopefully he 'll be good , I plan on bringing snacks to ensure his good behavior . We 've started talking to Nathan a little about his surgery . He knows that we 're going to go see the doctor who is going to help him take a nap and while he 's napping he is going to get his trach out . He doesn 't know much more than that but he 's 3 and doesn 't need to know much more than that right now . As we get closer to surgery we 'll talk with him more about what 's going to happen but for right now he doesn 't need to worry about it . Here are a couple pictures of the boys from when we went to visit Matt 's parents while they were camping . They both loved the camper and Nathan decided we 're going camping next year with Grandma and Grandpa ! |
Thanos walked to his home in a hurry and a visible portrait of worry incarnate . His life so far had been easy and to his liking . Sucking his father 's money dry had afforded him a very comfortable life and the resources he had required to commit to his favourite hobby , that of isolating and raping boys . And he had been quite prolific so far in two different countries . Almost fifty years of constant training and " boypussy hunting " as he called it had made him quite skilled at committing his crimes and not getting caught . He could not understand from her behaviour if she knew what he had done or if she suspected . Either way he could not afford to kill her and her son this time . No this time , at least until the house was sold he could not kill anyone he had nowhere else to go and no one to blackmail to do it for him . It was ever increasingly uneasy for him to be in the place of his greatest crime to date . He had raped and / or killed quite a few boys over the years as he fancied in each situation , taking all precautionary and anti - forensic measures he knew of to make sure he was at least a few steps ahead of the police but Ydra was the location of his birth as a rapist and a murderer . Here it had all begun . From a very young age he had come to enjoy torturing and killing small animals . He would walk about the countryside , find rabbits and other such animals and take great care in making them suffer . As he grew older his desire to commit those acts on a human being , a child no less increased exponentially . He was well into adulthood when the opportunity came knocking . His friend had just returned from a long and arduous voyage . They had gone drinking and he got his friend drunk one night , very drunk and the guy started talking about how he would love to fuck a young boy and whatnot . Thanos of course was not nearly as drunk and so took out his mobile phone and recorded his friend talking . Next day he played the video to his friend who of course tried denying until he just confessed that he did not know if he could actually do it but that he at least wanted to watch someone do it before trying it himself . " What have we done ? I … we must go turn … " Markos had begun to say when Thanos walked over the sobbing mess of the boy lying on the floor of the abandoned building and slapped him hard . " NO , we fucking don 't and won 't . You will keep your mouth fucking shut and tomorrow you will bring him here again and you WILL fuck him or I will fucking gut you like a fucking fish , do you fucking understand me ? " The look on his face left no room for misunderstanding whether he meant what he said . " Y … yes . I will clean up here , you should go . " Making a decision that would change the lives of almost five hundred people and thinking quick on his feet he offered to clean up the boy and coach him on not talking to his parents . Thanos grinned . " Listen to me , Pavlo … You will never forgive me for what I helped this monster do to you … I know that but … this was not what I had in mind , I hoped … I wanted to make love to you , to have you enjoy this … " Marcos took a deep breath , " you must tell your parents what happened here or Thanos will have you do this , every single day … before killing you . Do you understand me ? " He told the boy holding his face in his hands . He smiled at her and pretended to leave . He followed her around for the rest of the day keeping a safe distance so as to not be seen . He saw her talking with Vasilis ' father and overheard what they said and later at night he paid a visit to his friend . " Wake up you fucking idiot ! " He slapped Marco until the man woke up . " You are a weak willed son of a whore you know that ? For all your sailing around the fucking world you are weak . You told the boy to tell his fucking parents didn 't you ? " Marco tried to fight him off in vain before nodding yes . " Now , you listen to me and listen well you piece of shit . " Thanos paused grabbing a knife he had with him and holding down Marcos ' hand he stabbed his palm three times . " I am not going to prison you hear me ? You will sabotage this ferry . " He gave Marcos a piece of paper with a name on it . " Or so help me god I will torture you in so many creative ways you will BEG me to kill you . Do you understand me ? " Marcos nodded . Thanos froze on his steps . " And if I did ? What do you intend to do about it if I did fuck that kid ? " He was looking forward not at his father . " Yes . Why not ? I fucked that kid 's brains out . Are you going to turn me in father ? " There was no fear in Thanos ' voice . " My god … you really … ? What happened to my son ? Who are you ? You are a monster . You raped Pavlos and then spread rumours about his father doing it ? " His father shot up from the chair he was sitting in . " Your son ? Who am I ? I am who I have always been father , you never had a son , I have always been like this I just learned at a very young age to disguise who and what I was and manipulate the feelings of others to serve my desires . It is all your fault you know . " Thanos smirked in the darkness , his voice a sneering accusation . " Me … ? My fault … ? " His father was at a complete loss for words . He had wanted his son to deny everything , to prove to him that what he had suspected for some time now was not true and it all came crashing down around him . " Yes , yours , you kept me here when I repeatedly asked you that we leave , that we go to Athens or even better London where I could be amongst my peers , my people and not amongst these … peasant morons with no culture or value . I am worthy of higher things than rotting at an island in Greece but no holier than thou you a derelict family from a time when Greece had a king wanted to live in this cesspool and wouldn 't ' allow me to go abroad to get educated , would not allow me to go anywhere else to live … it is your fault because if you had I would have so many more options to rape than Pavlos , I would not even be here . " Thanos laughed in cruelty and malice . " I disown you ! Get out of my house ! " His father thundered in rage . Thanos covered the distance in a blink of an eye and grabbed his father by his collar and cross - slapped him hard . " You ? ! Disown me ! ? Don 't you fucking dare ! It is MY money to spend you old fool ! " Thanos yelled at him before bringing his mouth close to his father 's ear . " I had them all killed , the ferry sabotaged , as if I 'd allow that bitch to get her bastard of a son to Piraeus to tell on me to the police . You won 't disown me father , you will live here a frugal life so that I have more to spend in London . You won 't turn me in because as much as you now hate me I am still and will always be your son , the child you thought you taught how to ride a bicycle and how to do math . I fucking hate you but you love me so you 'll sit here in the knowledge of what I have done while I enjoy my life elsewhere . I am not above killing you so you will obey me . Do you understand me old fool ? " He whispered in his father 's ear . Now his thoughts plagued him . He had not fucked a boy in months which was a nightmare on its own for him after years of practice and to top it all there was gossip going around . Whispers in the dark and hushed voices when he approached people . He was sure something was going on that involved him . His fears proved themselves right when he received a phone call two weeks later . The voice , obviously digitally changed asked him if he liked raping young boys and then hung up . This continued for a week at least two to three times per day becoming increasingly more personal as the voice started asking questions like " Does anyone know how many boys you have raped ? " or " The victims of the wreck call out to you , do you hear them ? " The incorporeal voice would call him day and night , waking him up during the night or early in the morning until he had enough and started threatening and yelling at the voice . It infuriated him that the voice in the phone calls would only laugh at him . Thanos surveyed him up close for the first time , or rather he had seen the boy up close a few times before but always with other people in front or nearby . He had to admit that Andronicus looked absolutely fuckable and the insatiable monster inside him raged . He forgot all about his paranoia , his fears and his anxiety and focused on the boy , a growing lustful hunger inside him . " YOU DID WHAT ? ! " Vasilis had told his mother everything , what they had been up to the last few months , shown her their evidence , and finally told her of the plan he and Andronicus had come up with . To say she was less than pleased would be the understatement of the century . " You think that Andronicus will ask Thanos why he raped Pavlos and Thanos will answer him ? He is a rapist and a murderer , he won 't answer he 'll try to gather as much info as he can from Andronicus and then he 'll kill him and leave again . " She held her hand up to shut her son up and picked up her phone . It was ringing . " Yes … yes ? You 're going now ? Constable Kiriakos I know this is a very unorthodox thing to ask but … can you please wait ? There 's things you don 't know about and there 's not enough time to explain now I 'll call you back later . " She did not wait for an answer and terminated the phone call , she knew he would not say no to her . " Listen to me Vasili and listen well . I don 't know why kids think their parents don 't know what they 're up to ? You really think that as a mother of a boy who likes to code I would not do my homework ? I 've known you were looking into things for months now but I thought that you wouldn 't find anything and give up … tell me that you don 't have anything illegally obtained in your google drive ? - she did not wait for an answer - delete everything in there and prey that they don 't ask for data from google for this . Then you are to wait here , it is raining leg chairs outside and the wind is picking up . No ! Not a single word from you ! You really thought that sending your fourteen - year - old boyfriend into the house of a serial rapist , and murderer to acquire information to put him away would be a good idea ? ANYTHING you got from that phone call that you will be recording would not be admissible in court because there 's not a police warrant to acquire it . " " Yes , so you said but even then a very good criminal attorney could still get it tossed out . Don 't argue with me now , just do as I tell you . " She picked up a folder Vasilis had prepared for her and left the house in a hurry . " Yes , yes I know you told me on the phone . No time now , look I know this must all seem … strange to you but right now I have to get in there , I will explain later . " Kiriakos knew better than to argue with her . He turned to his guests and started talking with them . She knocked on the door and kept knocking until a half - naked from the waist up Thanos opened the door looking like murder . The look on her face made him take a step back . She pounced on him bursting through the door , grabbing him by his neck slapping him a good three , four times before she sat him down on a chair . She towered over him her hand ready to do more slapping . " Get out of here . " She told him . Her voice was not gentle . She saw him come out from under the sofa with his tshirt torn and a large red hand imprint on his right cheek . " She threw the folder on the table and sat opposite of Thanos . He did not move . Her hand shot in her jacket pocket for a second . She thanked god silently that touch screens did not make sounds when you pressed " call " . " Child ? Pavlos ? I have no idea what you 're talking about , I caught that child trying to rob my house and … " He tried to lie himself out of the situation . Vivi gave him a pleasant smile , it hid fury behind it . " Oh ? I do not ? Well then let us see if I can 't piece it all together . Almost eight years ago you with the help of Marcos raped my nephew and then in order to avoid going to prison as you rightfully should you sabotaged and sank the ferry carrying them … how am I doing so far ? Then because all of this was not enough you spread vile rumours and gossip and caused so much more trouble for me and my family … " The colour had begun to drain from Thanos ' face . " A … concerned citizen that I know discovered these … " She opened the folder and gave him some of the documents . " What are these ? They don 't … " " Yes , they do , well maybe not for the police but we 'll get to that in a bit . Now if you look at those documents really close and read them , you do know how to read yes ? You were never the brightest kid in school , you 'll see that they depict a very … horrid story of you after you left Greece , it connects you to at least twenty known rapes and three murders , then there 's those documents here - she gave him two more pieces of paper - here it sort of … creatively connects you to the sinking of the Agios Theodoros and finally … we have this letter over here which IS admissible in court . " She gave him Niki 's letter to her and Romanos , or at least a copy of it . Vasilis had prepared the folder . " Oh who said anything about a court of law my " dear " ? And besides what attorney ? You are almost flat broke , that 's why you came here no ? Because there was no more money to be had and you want to sell both this and London flats and live in Athens ? The crisis really fucked up your plans didn 't it ? So tell me . Why did you do it ? " " Why ? Because that 's what boys are fucking made for ! To fucking fuck ! They want it ! And those that don 't I must kill ! Why did I rape your pathetic little nephew ? Because I wanted ! Because I could and because his arse fitted my damn cock so fucking well ! But he had to go and fucking tell his fucking mother … so they all had to die ! So that I could continue fucking boys as I must . " Vivi clenched her fist but she did not swallow or blink . She wanted to throw up but she held it down . " So you killed almost five hundred people … " " DAMN RIGHT I DID ! I AM NOT GOING TO JAIL OVER A FUCKING CUNT ! I WAS NOT THEN I AM NOT NOW ! " He shook his fists , she remained emotionless . " You won 't be doing any more killing ever again , trust me . So the choice before you is this . - she removed a final stack of papers from the folder - you sign these which donate the house to the municipality of Ydra to be turned into a children 's library , or I give all that I gave you to the people of Ydra and with the gossip that is already going around about you I don 't think it 'll end well for you . " Vivi replied looking completely calm , she wanted to strangle him with her own hands . " Well … you see a certain … concerned citizen traced back all the gossip to their original " mouth " and found out that you had told all those things about Romanos to Akakia Kiriakou , the admiral 's widow which is very well known to be the worse of the lot when it comes to gossiping and with her late husband being an admiral it gives her a certain … influence over the others . So that citizen used her to spread oh such wonderfully malevolent gossip about you . So are you going to sign those ? " " What the fuck do I care ? You have a choice it 's simple , sign or I tell the whole fucking island everything , they 'll lynch you alive and you know it . Carrot or stick , decide . It is the same to me . " She told him in a blank , empty , emotionless face . " Your stature ? You are flat broke , you have nothing and you are a serial rapist and murderer , you have no stature and if you don 't sign those you will have no life either . Now decide , or I leave you to your fate . " She waited for four or five seconds and made to leave . She was in control now . It took him a moment but he lowered his head , a final submission , taking the pen from her hand he signed the papers . Vasilis had researched in the internet for the Greek law on donating to the state or municipality and had prepared those with the help of a lawyer he found in Athens from the internet and paid through bitcoins . Vivi had been astonished at first until he threw the grenade on Andronicus being in Thanos ' house . She removed the mobile phone from her pocket . " You heard all of that ? Yes ? Good , you recorded it ? Good , you had a search warrant before that ? Good , oh even better an arrest warrant . You may come and take him now . I 'm done with this filth . " She terminated the phone call and looked at Thanos who now was in full despair . " My dear , you are not the only one who can lie . I lied . I just needed you to donate your house to the municipality and make sure that Andronicus was away from here before the police burst in to arrest you . So , you see a few months ago you were drinking your coffee in the sailing club 's cafeteria and Vasilis saw you looking at Andronicus . He somehow recognised your look and after you left he picked up your mug , and with care not to contaminate anything , you can thank CSI TV series for his knowledge on that , he shipped it to the new Scotland yard , even if they did not have anything they could probably link you to a crime elsewhere through international databases . My " dear " you are completely fucked as the new Scotland yard linked you to quite a few rapes and murders and it looks like you just confessed to Pavlos ' rape and the murder of what ? Five hundred people ? " Just as she finished talking the door opened and Kiriakos walked in , with him the other men and the woman . " You are to arrest him ? He is all yours , the extradition papers may be a problem now though in light of his new confession , but I let the ministry of foreign affairs and the ministry of justice take care of that . " Kiriakos told the others in broken English with a Greek accent , they nodded . Kiriakos opened an umbrella over her . " Are you okay ? This must not have been easy … " She nodded wiping her mouth with the back of her hand . " You should go rest . Tomorrow you , Andronicus and Vasilis have to come and give a testimony in the precinct . Also as you may be aware , turning Agios Theodoros from accident to sabotage and murder will have a lot of news - channels and newspapers from Greece and abroad interested in this so expect phone calls for interviews once the details come out during the trial . " " Kiriako … fuck protocol after the night we 've had , I 'll get him there . " He nodded . She walked over to the sad looking Andronicus and looked over the bruise on his face . " You 'll live , come with me . " " Yes , but she is your mother and she should know about this to begin with , I guess she did not . Now , no more talking , come with me . " They walked the short distance to his house in total silence , only the rain and the howling , ever increasing in speed wind could be heard in the dead of night . Katerina answered the door . She looked at them as if they were aliens . " What are you doing here ? I thought you were spending the night over at Vasilis ? Oh Vivi , how are you ? Everything okay ? " Katerina was completely lost at what was going on . " Can we please come in ? There 's a few things regarding our sons we must discuss and I don 't mean that they are boyfriends . " Vivi replied . Katerina opened the door and let them in . " What is it Christina ? I do not have time now for your usual antics . " Katerina tried to fend off an incoming bitching assault from her daughter which did not come . Christina opened her tablet and slid her finger across the screen to unlock it before giving it to her mother . " What am I looking at ? " Katerina was impatient . " That is a stranger , and Andronicus has been " seeing " him for at least four months now if not more . " She turned her head over to Andronicus with a look of complete victory about her . " What are you two doing over at his house ? All alone ? Eh ? Maybe he 's … " " No ! Stop that ! He 's done nothing wrong ! " Andronicus tried to stop her but his mother was sliding through the pictures Christina had taken and she looked even angrier than before . " Mum ! No , stop ! ! ! He 's not touched me in that way ! He 's … he 's like a father to me , please hear me out … " " No , I won 't have this ! This is it , first you go into a child rapist 's house and now this ? No , I won 't have it ! Pack your things , come tomorrow I am arranging our return to Athens and it 's final ! " " NO ! You can 't do this to me , I have a life here , I have friends who like me for who and what I am , I have a boyfriend and I actually have a person who is like a father to me , please , please , please don 't take this away from me . " He turned to his sister . " Why do you hate me so much ? What have I done to you ? " " What … what have you done to me ? Well this little thing was for slapping me , to think that a male can dare to hit me ? ME ? I hate your kind , what have you done to me ? You are the reason dad left , you are the reason we left Athens , you are at fault for EVERYTHING ! " Christina unloaded . " Oh my child , do you really believe this ? That your dad left us because of Andronicus ? Because I forced him to have a second child ? " Katerina 's wrath had suddenly evaporated . " Oh my child , no , that is not the truth , that son of a whore left us long before Andronicus … he never wanted children , he only married me because his parents practically forced him and the moment they died , you were only three to four years old , but the moment they died he left , not because I wanted a second child but because he wanted no kids or marriage . He has spent the last fourteen years in Thessaloniki fucking a different eighteen - year - old almost every month , he has never paid a single payment of child support knowing full well that I don 't have the money to go into a prolonged legal fight over it … Andronicus is not at fault here . I should have told you this ages ago but … I didn 't want you to stop loving your father even if he doesn 't . " Why would I lie to you about this ? When is the last time he called you ? When is the last time you two talked ? " Katerina was speaking in anger , she could feel and see her child 's pain and she was at a complete loss as to how to ease that pain . " No … no , my father loves me … my father loves me … no … why … why … ? " Christina melted onto the couch . " Wh . . . all these years … I … what … no … " " Who is my father ? Do you even know ? I asked you when I learned about grandma and grandad real cause of death and you told me there was nothing else … you didn 't think to mention this ? " " No , he is not , after … Giannis left I told Christina and my parents that I needed some time alone , a mini self - vacation so to speak and I went to Switzerland , I had heard that the laws on getting sperm from a sperm bank were easier there so I went and got pregnant there from an anonymous donour and in vitro fertilization . 9 months later … " She had tears in her eyes . There was silence in the room before Katerina broke it . " In any case we are returning to Athens , let us go to sleep we have a big day … " She did not get to finish her sentence as Andronicus bolted out of the house . " I don 't know . Katerina looked shocked and tomorrow we 'll have to go give a testimony to the police precinct . I left everyone else out , mentioning only you and Andronicus , there 's no reason to involve the others in this fucking mess . Do you understand me ? " Vasilis nodded . " Yes , at what cost ? If you hadn 't told me what would you have done ? If you had heard Thanos slapping or raping your boyfriend , what would you have done ? Gone in there ? Confronted Thanos on your own ? You may be a very strong sixteen - year - old boy but you are still a fucking sixteen - year - old boy Vasili , you would have gone in there and he would have had two boys to rape , only he would not have stopped there , he would have killed you in an effort to hide any evidence of his crimes . There is a reason you are a child and I am an adult , there is a reason you should go to your mother or an adult when you are dealing with a god damn child rapist and killer . We would have gone to the police and devised a plan that did not include you or Andronicus going in that horrid place . Do you think that Romanos would want you to endanger either of you to clear his name ? " Vivi 's tone of voice was not angry or accusatory , she was tired and looked exhausted . " I lost your cousin , your aunt and your father to that monster , and you would have had me lose you too ? " He raised his head from his mother 's neck . " Mum … Andronicus is in danger . " He said and ran to his room . He and Andronicus had installed an app in their smartphones that usually parents used to be able to find their kids based on their phone 's GPS locators as well as get notifications for if and when their kids were in danger . Vasilis did not know yet exactly how the app knew someone was in danger , maybe it tapped into the smartphone 's sensors or it had some other method but the point was that now that alarm was ringing . Vasilis pressed on the touchscreen and it lit up . A bright red DANGER / ALARM text message sprawled all across the screen in big capital letters . He slid his finger across the screen to unlock it . " Andronicus Papachroniou is at < 37 . 344181 , 23 . 440308 > 415m from the shore . Conditions in the area : Gale force winds of 11 Beaufort scale , 10m waves , no visibility , heavy raining . Bioreadings : heartbeat at 160 bpm , stress level : heavy stress , light panic . Subject is at stage four danger . " Stage four was the second worst level with five being mortal danger . " How . . . ? The road to Mo … . " Romanos did not even finish what he was saying when he hung - up and scrammed for his fishing boat . " No , I will not lose a second one . " He thought . He turned on the engine , search and flood lights he set out in search of Andronicus . He knew the boy would not go for open sea and the direction of the wind and current thankfully pushed things towards Ydra . This made things slightly easier as it narrowed the stretch of sea he 'd have to search , only at maximum four to five hundred meters from the shore . " This was a bad idea ! " Andronicus battled to keep the small boat afloat and prevent it from capsizing . He was using every single thing their instructor had taught them but the ferocity of the wind and waves was proving a far , far greater challenge than he had thought it would be . A wave as big as a house came at him . He only managed to side it at the last second and that only made things worse as the wave capsized him . His head came out of the water as he struggled to breathe , the air spraying foam and water onto him . He had no idea how long it took him or how far off course he was , or even if he had been on course to begin with since he let the port of Ydra . A haunting realization as he could not see the shore , the visibility was so bad that he could barely see two meters away from him . It had been a close call avoiding the small islands of Agios Ioanis and Agios Nikolaos ( St . John and St . Nickolas ) some time ago with his boat almost impacting the rocks there . A lightning hit the sea a few dozen meters to his left illuminating the surrounding area . Andronicus could feel his hair frizzing out from the electricity , another lightning hit the sea to his front blinding him and then unable to see he hit something hard . He felt the boat cracking and smashing to bits as he was launched into the air before hitting the surface of the sea and something solid beneath it . His clothes , heavy from all the water they had soaked up , weighted him down . Authors deserve your feedback . 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I was determined to plant some of my seedlings tonight . Nicholas was determined to prevent me from doing so . . . even to the point of stealing my shovel . This boy loves the dirt already . I got home from work around 5 p . m . , and I decided that today was the day . I have been meaning to put some plants in the cold frame and in the rest of the garden , but I Greg hasn 't been home in the evenings to watch Nick . Today I figured I 'd better improvise . So I had to resort to desperate measures . I got out the baby leash , and wrapped it around my foot while I planted seedlings . Is that crazy ? Possibly , but I couldn 't figure out any other way of ensuring that Nick didn 't run out to the street during my planting . I ended up planting ( left to right ) broccoli , sweet peppers , and some sort of herb . I 'm not sure which one because the labels all washed off of my sticks . I learned a lesson today about starting seeds - - I am never again using the plastic greenhouses . Getting the seedlings out of those little plastic squares was incredibly difficult , and I think I may have damaged a root here and there . I don 't know if I planted them too closely together . It didn 't seem like it when I was out there , but looking at the picture now they might be too close . I 'm also not sure if I chose the right plants to put in the cold frame . Live and learn , I guess . I 've been researching for months , but I can 't get consistent advice on when to plant and how to correctly time plantings with a cold frame . So I guessed . I let Nick dig in the empty spot right near me . Notice his digging technique - - not bad for a 17 month old . He was a happy camper , but he did keep whacking my plants with the shovel while I wasn 't looking . The first row of spinach came up , so I planted a second row . All of the books say to plant it over time , so you have a more continuous harvest . I love spinach , so hopefully it 'll work . Here 's what my spinach looks like now . So I know what you 're thinking now . This girl is a party animal - - taking pictures of her spinach seedlings on a Friday niMelissa E . Man , can he cook ! Can you tell that Nick thinks so , too ? Look at what he cooked us for dinner last night from his Williams - Sonoma Cookbook . It was absolutely delicious . My mouth is still recovering from the taste sensations . Plus , I got to have leftovers for lunch today , and the rest of the guacomole when I got home from work . I love when he decides to cook . Above you can see our dinner ( his manly portion - - mine was smaller ) . We had carne asada ( from rib eye steak ) and grilled mushrooms , orange pepper , and green onions , grilled on a charcoal grill . He made homemade guacamole from scratch , brown rice with black beans , and refried beans , too . ( You can never have too many beans . ) Greg and I have totally different ways of cooking , though . We can 't even be in the kitchen at the same time . Greg is very meticulous , and he measures with exacting throughness . He has mastered making brown rice and it comes out perfectly every time . He uses recipe books and does not substitute . Dicing and measuring all of the ingredients neatly in little clear bowls , Greg cleans as he goes . Often , it looks as if he were on one of those cooking shows , with everything laid out neatly , in the order that it will be used . Greg cannot handle if I come into the kitchen for a glass of milk while he 's making dinner . He prepares dishes for one meal , sometimes two , without regard for how many leftovers there will be . In fact , before we started living together , he used to shop for groceries on a daily basis , filling one grocery bag with the ingredients for one recipe , cook dinner , and then dispose of the leftovers . Thank goodness he 'll eat leftovers now . My cooking , on the other hand , is far more haphazard . I am a multitasker , and often cook dinner , talk on the phone , make bread , watch Nick , and listen to NPR all at the same time . This has resulted in some interesting mistakes . . . I still can 't make brown rice without screwing it up . While I sometimes start with a recipe , I change proportions , double a recipe , and substitute ingredients . I also love to throw extra stuff into everything . For example , I 'll toss spinach into any dish . I also definitely do not clean as I go ; the kitchen is often trashed after I have made our evening meal . Eyeballing instead of measuring , I 've been known to either totally screw up a dish or come upon something marvelous by accident . I 've had spaghetti stuck to the wall and I somehow got banana puree on the ceiling . I also cook for an army - - I enjoy leftovers and I feel that if I have to go to the effort to cook and mess up the kitchen ( and I do mess up the kitchen ) , I should get a few meals out of it . I suppose , though , that it is a lucky thing that we both cook . Greg and I enjoy healthy recipes , but also international foods and experimentation . We just can 't both be in the kitchen at the same time . I wonder who Nick will take after in the kitchen ? . . . but climbing up them is even more cool . Little boys love to play with their toys , but a stick makes the best toy . If a little boy is holding a stick , it will always be used as a weapon . Nicholas used this particular stick to bang on the slide , the wood chips , and his daddy 's left leg . Nick was very sad that he couldn 't spend the weekend outside due to the rain . In fact , except for a short walk with daddy today , he stayed inside all weekend . Poor guy kept saying " Outside ! ? " and then looking at us with his puppy dog eyes . He must 've pointed towards the door a thousand times , and he is tall enough now to hang on the doorknob and try to turn it . I was kind of sad , too , because I couldn 't work in the garden . Instead , I got the whole master bedroom , bathroom and closet cleaned ( with help ) and did what seemed like seven million loads of laundry . Boring weekend , but I 'm excited for dinner tonight . My husband is grilling us carne asada with peppers , green onions , and mushrooms over brown rice . He already made homemade guacamole . I love when Greg cooks from the Williams - Sonoma Mexican Cookbook . My mouth is watering already . I 'll leave you with a video of Greg taking Nick down the slide . Posted by Last June , Greg bought me a breadmaker for my birthday , and since then I have not bought one loaf of bread from the store . Instead , I make my own . Nick definitely approves - - he especially prefers the crusts , which is great , because I especially do not prefer the crusts . When he smells the bread baking , he points towards the breadmaker and shouts " NO ! " That 's what he says when he really wants something . I have promised several friends that I 'd post the recipe for my perfected honey wheat bread , and I 'm finally getting around to doing that today . I fooled around for months trying to figure out how to make bread that I liked consistently . Finally I realized that I didn 't need to use the wheat bread setting . Since I 'm using white whole wheat flour , the regular bread setting works perfectly . Since my surgery in 2003 ( Roux - en - Y Bariatric surgery ) , white bread has not agreed with my system . When I eat it , it shoots my blood sugar up , and then within a half hour , I 'm having trouble with hypoglycemia . After meeting with doctors and nutritionists , and through years of trial and error , I 've figured out that I have to have a balance of " good " carbs ( whole wheat , high fiber and protein content ) and protein foods . That 's why I 've added the flaxseed , wheat germ , and oatmeal . This recipe tends to keep my blood sugar steady , and it is delicious , especially right out of the breadmaker . I also love the fact that I know exactly what is in it . Honey Wheat Bread I warm the milk in the microwave first , then pour it into the pan over the butter to soften it . Then I add the rest of the ingredients , in order , and make a little hole in the flour to put the yeast . Finally , I set my breadmaker on the regular setting , and three hours later I have a delicious loaf of bread . The key to this recipe is using white whole wheat flour . My favorite way to have this bread , lately , is with a little bit of promise spread and pumpkin butter . Last year I started going to the farmer 's markets , and I found this great company that makes jam and preserves and such . I order apple , pumpkin , honey , and cherry butter by the boxload from McCutcheon 's , and it is worth the price . Nick sure loves the variety of spreads . : ) It must be a " boy " thing . Something about a nice stick just lying there on the ground inspires a young man to pick it up and swing it around wildly . Even a 1 year old knows how to start a mock sword battle with a stick . Nick observed the little boy next door ( he 's maybe 8 or 9 ) playing Star Wars a few days ago with his friend , and he was enthralled . The light saber battle was incredibly exciting to him . Nick even tried to join in the fight with his own stick , running madly toward the battle with a shriek of sheer glee . A few days later , Nick picked up the stick and instantly remembered what to do with it . There were no adversaries around , but that was okay for him . Nicholas fought his imaginary fencing battle across the yard . I guess you can 't argue with biology . My little man is definitely , well , a little man . He loves to push trucks around and make " vroom " sounds , and then bang them into things . Knocking down towers is loads of fun for him , and Nick thinks it 's hilarious when his daddy fakes injuries . And now he likes to use sticks as weapons . Typical . My son already has a longer attention span than I do when it comes to things like basketball games . I 'm actually okay with Nick being into the " guy " sorts of things . I 'm just trying to keep it balanced . I love how he also likes to steal the broom from the kitchen and pretend to sweep . I like the way he hugs his stuffed animals ( when he 's not whacking them with sticks ) and gives them kisses . Most of all , I adore how Nick insists on sitting on the kitchen floor when Greg or I cook , stirring imaginary ingredients in a bowl . Nick can be whatever type of guy he wants to be , but I want to make sure he 's a well - rounded gentleman , just like his daddy . Greg is an excellent cook , and he cleans more than I do . We 've probably each changed about the same number of diapers , because we divide up child care responsibilities . Our little family certainly doesn 't follow traditional gender roles , and I 'm hoping Nick doesn 't grow up with strict ideas about what mommies do and daddies do . When Nick finds a stick , though , the caveman in him comes out , and he 's all boy . Frankly , it 's rather cute . Posted by We built it ! Or , I should say , Greg built it , I directed , and Nick did everything he could to prevent us from getting it done . He especially liked climbing into the beds , trying to grab Greg 's screwdriver , and running away from us down the sidewalk . Greg and I decided that we 'd like to do more in the yard this year , so the first project on our agenda was to build a raised bed system . A few weeks ago , we purchased a raised bed garden kit from Costco , and it 's been sitting in our garage taunting us ever since . But Greg got all of the pieces together today , and I went over to Home Depot to get horse manure , mushroom compost , hummus , organic garden soil , and peat . This is what the kit said our garden is supposed to look like , come summer . We shall see . We did chose a more curved setup , but we like the way it looks in the corner of our yard . Here 's how it looked with the cold weather panel and all of the soil filled in . I planted three rows of spinach seeds from the Seed Saver 's Exchange , but everything else I bought says that it can 't be planted until after the last risk of frost ( end of May around here ) . My question is , since I have the cold frame , can ( or should ) I plant something in there now , one month early ? What is safe to plant that would survive in a cold frame with a decent seal ? ( zucchini , beans , rosemary , cucumber ) What would do well direct planted into a cold frame ? Or can I transplant some of my indoor stuff that 's been under the flourescent lights ? Those are doing really well . Oh , and I could also use some help identifying the plants I grew from seed . I have tomato , pepper , basil , thyme , broccoli , and I forget what else . You see , my mini - greenhouses came with these convenient little plastic things to write down what you 're planting . So I used them . The first time I watered , however , all of the writing washed right off and now I 'm only guessing as to what I have planted here . Any advice would be helpful . Otherwise I suppose the plants will tell me eventually . For example , if the plant makes a bell pepperPosted by Nick loves to help me when I 'm gardening . I 've been working the last week or so to get the front yard and the sides of the driveway weeded and mulched . Nick likes to think that he 's " helping , " and he grabs the tools out of my hand everytime . I even bought some cheap plastic 99 - cent tools so that it is safer when he steals them from me . Nick uses them to bang on rocks and plants . Today I was trying to repot some of my tomato seeds and Nick kept stealing the shovel and spilling potting mix all over the place . He 's also been doing better with keeping his hats on , too . Last year he 'd rip them off fairly quickly and I couldn 't keep them on him . This year I just ask him , " Nick , where does the hat go ? " Then he 'll put it on his head . Sometimes he tries to put it on my head , but my giant noggin is far too big for his baby hats . Pushing his little car around outside is a new joy now that it 's been warmer . Notice how Nicholas has stolen my car keys and driven his car into the concrete step . Reminds me of when I first got my license . . . He kept hitting the lock button on my car and making it beep , too . I double checked before we went in to make sure he hadn 't popped the trunk . A few months ago , he popped my trunk while playing with my keys and the little light in the trunk must 've run down the battery , because it was dead the next morning . So I 'm really careful to check now everytime he plays with my keys . I don 't think you can see , but he had my keys in his hand and was pretending to open the door with them . It 's funny how much he copies us . It 's me who has been under the weather - - Nick is just fine . I 've been sick the last couple of days - - since Monday , really , although I made it at work until Tuesday afternoon . It was some sort of horrible stomach or flu bug that finally ran its course . I suppose I picked really good days to be sick , though . The weather was amazing , and I was able to spend a few hours outside with Nick enjoying it . I do believe the fresh air helped me to feel better , although I needed to lie down again after only about 30 minutes outdoors . Check out the tree in the background - - I love all of the white blooms . It 's funny , but I think he somehow knew I was sick . Nicholas was really well behaved ( for a toddler ) . When I was lying on the couch Tuesday afternoon , wracked with chills and trying to watch him play , he didn 't throw a tantrum . Instead , he played with his toys and brought me books to read to him . Then he snuggled with me on the couch . Nick was pretty good all week , actually , and he didn 't wreak too much havoc while I was recuperating . It 's funny how that happens - - I noticed it with my students at school , too , on Tuesday . I told them I wasn 't feeling well , and they didn 't give me any trouble and were extra nice . That 's one of the reasons I like children . With the weather here in the 80s , Nick kept announcing " outside ! " and pointing towards the door . He wanted to play outside , and I could only stall him for so long . Not that I really wanted to ; I was perfectly comfortable sitting in the grass watching him poke things with sticks and run around . My spring flowers are looking really good so far . The tulips and irises ( I think they 're irises ) are blooming , with more buds still to come , and the peonies are just starting to come up . Below you can see Nick giving you the tour . He 's learned to say " Pretty , " and he keeps pointing at trees and flowers and announcing just that . I just love perennials . They 're nearly impossible to kill , come back no matter what , require very little work , and they can make my house look amazing even if I have nMelissa E . Nick had a spectacular Easter last Sunday . Between all of the presents from his grandparents playing bunny , the yummy goodies , and the plastic eggs filled with animal crackers , he was in a pretty good mood for most of the day . Easter egg hunting was a hit for Nick as well . I love the look of sheer determination on his face ( above ) as he headed for the eggs . Figuring out what to do in a matter of minutes , Nick headed off across the backyard in search of his prey . He had quite an audience , too - - he was the only child , so all of the eggs were for him , lucky boy . The only problem Nicholas had was that the basket kept dumping over and the eggs would fall out . Then he would collect them again , looking mildly confused as to how more eggs had appeared . Theoretically , his egg hunt could 've lasted forever . Now , when Nicholas figured out that there were animal cookies inside of the eggs , the fun really started . Notice above how Tigger and Nick are both scraping the bottom of the basket at the same time . Tigger ( my mom 's dog ) figured out about the cookies at exactly the same time . So I guess Nick did have some competition after all . My mom crocheted Nick this adorable little bunny and a new blanket for his crib . He loves the blanket because it has little holes in it and he can put his toes in the holes . His Grandma Toni got him an adorable summer outfit and some rice krispie treats - - one was shaped like a bunny . He loved the rice krispie treats , but was confused by the Peeps . I don 't believe he understood that they are food . I , for one , adore Peeps . I like them best when partially stale . I used to buy them and cut open the packages , then eat them after a week . Strange , I know . Nick 's Auntie Mandy got him some cotton candy , and I 'm waiting a little bit for him to try that . I think he 'll love it . She may want to be there when he tries it , because she can take pictures of the mess . : ) Then she can help clean him up . Nick just loves the birdie fan pull on his Grandpa Ray 's fan . Everytime he goes over there , he likes to reach for the birdie . Everytime Nick sees a ceiling fan now , he says , " Birdie , " even when there isn 't a bird on the fan pull . I guess he wishes there was one . We really wanted my sister to take a nice family picture of the three of us . These are the nicest of the bunch . It is very hard to get Nick to stay still and smile . I think the second one , that wasn 't posed , turned out nicer and has all three of us in it . That can count as a family shot , right ? My sister really took some great pictures , anyway , even when Nick wouldn 't cooperate . I 'm going to end with this picture because it looks like Nick is taking a bow . " Thank you everyone , the show is over . All of the eggs have been collected . " Posted by Nick had a very busy week , and some parts of the week were much better ( from his point of view and / or mine ) than others . Last Sunday was Easter , and my sister took some amazing pictures that she hasn 't emailed me yet . So , I 'll start with last Monday . Monday - - Nick enjoyed playing with the amazing things his mommy found for him on http : / / www . napervilleyardsales . com / over the weekend . For an obscenely low price , I got him three used but cool things . First , a ride on zebra toy that bounces , spins , and plays music . It has toys on it that make even more cool noises . My child was duly impressed . I also got him the shelf you can see in the background ( it has animals on it . ) It 's great because he can get to the books and put them away by himself . Finally , because the lady had them and they were cheap , I bought him a large container of wooden blocks , which you can see him holding in his hands . He promptly used them to whack me in the head . Tuesday - - Nick went offroading in the backyard with his little ride on firetruck . He loves it , despite ( or because of ) the fact that it plays the most annoying song . ( I see a firetruck , a big red shiny firetruck . . . ) It was very windy and his favorite giant bouncy ball blew away . Wednesday - - Nick wears the cutest pajamas ever . Check out the front . They say , " Give me a bear hug . " I love the way baby pajamas look . They just make me want to snuggle him . The little curl on the back of his head is the best part . As he 's getting older , Nick wants hugs and snuggles more often now , and he even tries to give kisses on the cheek . They are , however , open mouthed drooly kisses . Thursday - - No pictures , but I took Nick out for dinner and to a cultural fair at my school . We went to Mimi 's Cafe , a nice family place near 95th Street . I had been bragging to my friends about how well - behaved Nick is in restaurants , so of course he screamed , threw food , and acted like a toddler . I think the reason was that halfway through the meal , he told me " All done , " and gave me the sign for done . Of course , I couldn 't take him out of the highchair , so he was really ticked off . I left that waitress a really good tip . The cultural fair was awesome . Nick got to see dances and costumes and try foods from Mexico , China , India , Germany , and Egypt . He whacked some kid over the head with a German flag , ate lots of fried veggies from the Indian table , ran around the gym hollering , and tried to eat the fortune from inside his fortune cookie . Friday - - We admired the new spring flowers , and Nick tried to eat a ladybug . I saved the bug . The tulips look great this year . Can you see my peonies coming up ? The peony is such a crazy flower . I am somewhat ambivalent about the peony . It shoots up in just a few weeks , puts out these amazingly beautiful flowers for about two days , then it rains and the flowers fall over and disintegrate when it rains . Finally , you 're left with a random green bushy plant for the rest of the season . There are three peony plants lining my front walk , and they were there when we moved in in 2006 . I love them for those two days , though , before the flowers disintegrate . Not a bad week , all things considered . I love the way spring makes me feel - - hopeful , relaxed , and confident that everything will be okay in about 8 weeks . Sunshine is very good thing . I live in the Chicago Suburbs with my husband and two sons . I 've always loved writing , and this blog is a way for me to chronicle my life as a mom . I enjoy reading , cooking , eating out , and gardening . I am an ELL Teacher and I enjoy homemade cookies way too much . |
This past Monday was one of those days I should have never left the house . I had decided the night before that I would take the girls to get their pictures " professionally " taken , because Sonya had the day off of school for a teacher work day . It is always better to do these things in the morning . Most of the time . I usually get their pictures done twice a year . Once in their Christmas dresses and then in their Easter dresses , and hadn 't had a chance to do the later yet . I would love to have someone come over to the house and take their pictures , or go someplace better , but I just go to Sears . I know , my brother - in - law just cringed at that last sentence . It 's too bad he doesn 't live closer , because he 's a fantastic photographer . And I know he 's shaking his head right now and mumbling something about if we didn 't live on the " wrong coast " . I would just like to point out that WE didn 't have to shovel snow out of our driveway for the last 5 months just to go get groceries . Anyway - I booked an appointment at 11am figuring that would give us enough time to take the pictures , pick them out , get something to eat , and get home for naps by 1pm . That would have been fine if the people I was dealing with for the next tow hours were competent at what they did . I suppose I shouldn 't complain . I mean it 's not like Sears is a fantastic place for pictures , but it 's easy and cheap , so that 's why I go . We got there at 11 and I ran in and told the photographer we had to run to the bathroom . Even though Lana went right before we left , she has this thing about going to the bathroom EVERY PLACE WE GO . Even if she 's already seen it before . So I indulge her , because who am I to say she doesn 't actually have to go ? We got back to the portrait studio and I started to change the girls into their dresses . We were ready to go in five minutes , so at this point it was about seven after . There was only one girl working and she was helping a family , who was there before us . They were picking out their pictures , and paying . It was taking a bit lonKristi Yesterday afternoon my sister , Megan , contributed to the growing harem in my family , when she gave birth to her daughter , Vivian Marie . I 'm not kidding about the harem . Vivian is the seventh grandchild for my parents and the sixth girl . There 's my three girls , Beth 's daughter Grace , and Lucy , Megan 's first born . Zachary , Beth 's oldest , is the only boy . Even on Andy 's side , his brother has two girls . The last hope for another boy in this family is the baby in Beth 's belly right now . I have a feeling it 's a boy , but I guess we 'll have to wait until July . She won 't find out now , like some of us want her to ! I hope for Zach 's sake it is a boy , otherwise family reunions are going to be one long Barbie and baby doll nightmare for that kid . Megan called me at 3 : 30 am on Sunday morning to tell me her water broke . " Thanks Meg - is there a baby yet ? No ? I 'm going back to bed . " It was one of those nights when none of the girls woke me up for once , but the 3 : 30 am call did . Luckily , it didn 't wake anyone else in the house up , so I forgive her . Actually , I was totally fine with her calling me , I was just mostly freaked out by the phone ringing at that time of night . A middle of the night phone call is not always good . At least this time it was . Anyway - I just wanted to congratulate my little sister and Matt on the little sister they gave Lucy . Even though it does make for more girls in our family , I think having a sister is the best . I could be biased though . Good luck juggling two Meg , and welcome to the life of complete chaos ! Don 't try to control it . It only makes it worse . Vivian Marie Drew April 25 , 20107lbs 12 oz 21 . 5 inches Most of you who know me and my family know Baseball Season is a main season in our house . Just like Spring or Summer . This is all due to Andy who was raised a Red Sox fan since conception . I never really thought much about baseball , let alone the Red Sox , until I went to college in Boston . Then I didn 't have a choice but to become a baseball fan , and especially a Red Sox fan . All my friends were fans and I loved going to the games . Since I had no allegiance to any other team , I was more than willing to cheer for the Sox . Even though at the time they were carrying the burden of not having won a World Series since 1918 , I didn 't mind , because I 've always loved an underdog . I even lived right down the street from Fenway Park during my Senior year . Melissa and I could see half the park from the roof of our building . It was fantastic ! Anyway , I knew that once Andy and I had kids , baseball and the Red Sox would become a part of their lives too . Well , at least we would push them in that direction . We have the baseball package on our Direct TV in order to watch all the Red Sox games , since we live all the way across the country . I try to remember to turn the games on every day so the girls see it and learn it to gain some interest . Since it 's only the beginning of the season , it takes me a couple weeks to remember at 4pm to turn the game on , but the past couple days I finally started to . The girls don 't really sit and watch it , but it 's background and they can start to get the idea . This is the reason I enjoy watching football now , because I remember it being on when I was a kid . Sometimes it was a good game and sometimes my dad would yell at the TV , stomp out of the house in anger , and take the dog for a walk to cool down . Ah memories ! I love the passion sports can produce in people . So I think it 's the same kind of thing . It will get into their memories and eventually it 'll be an interest they will choose themselves . This is the working theory anyway . Sonya and Lana have been through a few baseball seasons now and recoPosted by Every day I give the girls fruit with their breakfast and vegetables with lunch and dinner . They don 't always eat it , but I try . I usually make them eat at least two or three bites , even if they protest , which they usually do . Loudly . Yesterday I gave everyone cut up strawberries with their oatmeal . Sonya and Georgia ate most of theirs , but Lana hadn 't touched hers when she announced she was done with her breakfast . She had barely touched her oatmeal , but what else is new ? " No , Lana you have to eat some of your strawberries before you get down , " I told her . " Urrrggghh ! BUT . . . " she started to protest . " LAAANNNAAA . . . . " I started to argue back . " FINE ! " She said . Then she thought about it for a minute and asked , " Can I take them in the li - ing woom ? " " Alright , " I gave in thinking I had a better chance of her eating a few as she was playing , and not confined to the chair . She hopped down from the dining table , carried her bowl to the coffee table , and set it down . I reminded her that she had to eat them and I didn 't want them just sitting there . She agreed . I went about my business of cleaning the kitchen . I heard her take her strawberries and go back to my bedroom where Andy was getting ready for work and Georgia was already playing . About two minutes later she came running in the kitchen , excited and happy with herself . She proudly held up the empty bowl and said , " Mama yook ! " " You ate ALL of your strawberries ? ! " I asked excitedly . She nodded her head with a big smile on her face . " NA - UH ! " I said joking around with her . " YUP ! " she yelled back . " NICE job Lana ! " I commended her . She placed the empty bowl on the counter and merrily ran out of the kitchen . One minute later Andy marched her back to the kitchen holding on to her hand . He looked at Lana and said , " Tell her , Lana . Tell mommy the truth . " " The truth about what ? " I asked curiously . Lana was half hiding behind Andy now with a shit eating grin on her face . Andy asked her to tell me again , but she just kind of giggled . " What happened ? " I asked , more toward Andy now . He Posted by Yesterday was my 36th birthday . I realized this morning that it 's been twenty years since I got my driver 's license . TWENTY YEARS ! How 's that for making you feel old mom ? My birthday always makes me reflect on my life , kind of like my own personal New Year 's . Last year I had a hard time with 35 . I 'm not sure why . Maybe because I 'm not where I thought I would be at this point in my life . I mean I was supposed to have at least two Emmy 's on my shelf by now . I really did want to be an actress when I first came out here . My problem was I was afraid if I put my dream of getting married and having kids on hold for acting , neither one would happen . Living out here you see many people still working in a restaurant at 45 never getting anywhere . Acting , relationships , kids or anything else . I didn 't want to be one of those people . So I chose the husband and kids . That 's not to say I can 't go BACK to acting at some point . Maybe I will . I do know the one thing that has helped me most in this past year , is starting this blog . Writing these stories has made me feel like I am more than just a mom , that I am still achieving another dream I let go of years ago . The one where I was a writer . I suppose I am technically a writer . I mean I have made $ 100 off this site . I thank all of you who have supported me in the past year with this little venture and given me feedback . I 'm also glad to have helped some of you with my stories . So in that spirit , here 's how my birthday went ! I decided for my birthday that we would take the girls to play mini - golf . We haven 't done that with them yet , and I thought it would be fun . Well , at least I thought it would be something we could do together outside of the house that wouldn 't cost a bunch of money . My only stipulation for yesterday was that I didn 't cook or clean the kitchen . I didn 't care if we went out for every meal or Andy cooked and cleaned himself , I just wasn 't doing it . I got that wish . Plus I got to sleep in ! Until 7 : 45 to be exact ! How lazy am I ? ! Sonya was the first to wake me , runninKristi I went to Costco on Thursday with Lana and Georgia . They sat side by side in the shopping cart , as they always do . In the past few months , since Georgia has been looking more like a toddler and less like a baby , people have been asking me if they 're twins . Usually it 's when we 're out shopping somewhere and they 're sitting down . The other day at Costco I had four different people at four different times ask me that question . FOUR ! I wasn 't even there that long . I don 't think they look like twins , but then again , I know them and know I was pregnant at two different times , so I could be biased . What do the rest of you think ? Posted by Yesterday I broke down and decided to call the Doctor for myself . I 've been feeling crappy , but mostly I was tired of getting only three hours of sleep every night . I was spending the rest of the night coughing up my left lung . Or my right . Who can tell , really ? My regular physician had no appointment times , but the nice receptionist found me an appointment with another doctor at 1pm . This was not exactly the best time for me , but I had to take what I could get . Since it was a last minute appointment , the girls had to come with me , because I had nobody to watch them . Oh , and it was in the middle of Lana and GG 's nap time . I was hoping for something fun like this to happen ! Then I could write about it on here ! I explained to them all , when I picked Sonya up from school , that we were going to the doctor 's for Mommy and everyone was to be on their VERY best behavior . I told them if they were really good , they would get a treat later . Perhaps a popsicle when they played outside in the afternoon . They all agreed they were going to be very good and listen to me . Well , Sonya and Lana promised . Georgia would go along with whatever the other two were doing . I reminded them and gave them this speech again on the way to the doctor 's and then on our way up in the elevator . They once again swore they would be extra good . We walked into the waiting room and , thankfully , there was nobody else there . I checked in , and the girls found chairs to sit on . Then they decided to see what was in my backpack to keep them busy . Sonya and Lana found something to color and Georgia occupied herself with some shiny Mardi - Gras type beads . They were all quiet and behaving nicely . Then Lana decided she needed to pee - pee RIGHT NOW ! We quickly packed everything up and the receptionist pointed us in the direction of the rest room . When we came out there was a nurse waiting to take me to a room . She led us to a bigger room to accommodate my stroller and even got an extra chair so the girls could all sit . She kept commenting on how cute and sweet theyKristi Now that everyone in my house is almost completely healthy , I of course , started to get sick on Friday . I had no time to be sick . Saturday , Sonya had a school carnival , and I had volunteered weeks ago to work one of the game booths for a couple hours . Even though I wasn 't feeling my best , off we went for fun and games . I was actually not feeling that badly most of the day . Andy was there with the little girls for a bit , then took them home for a nap . Sonya stayed with me , to play more games and help me with the booth . After I was done we walked around a bit more . I bought some tickets to try and win a few things they were giving away . I 'll just tell you right here . I have ZERO luck . I never win in Vegas , unless it 's winning money I 've already lost . Unlike my friend Melissa who wins EVERY TIME she goes . I 'm not even kidding about that . Even though I 've bought tickets for raffles and such throughout my life , I 've never been the lucky recipient . I can 't even win office Super Bowl pools . Okay there was the one time I won tickets to a Poison concert on the radio when I was fifteen . That was 20 years ago , though . So when I was buying the tickets for the raffles , I just looked at it as more money I was contributing to support the school . Sonya finished playing the games . When she did , she got a special prize for playing them all and a ticket to put into a raffle to win either a Nintendo DS or a Bucket o ' Money . We opted for the money , since my kids have NO idea what a Nintendo DS is , and that 's just fine by me for now . We left as the carnival was winding down and they were starting to call out the names of those who had won the prizes . I was sure Dadekian wouldn 't be one of those names , so we headed home . Yesterday I was talking to one of the other mom 's , who has a kid in Sonya 's class , and she asked me if we won anything . Of course we had not . Her kid had won lunch with their teacher , which was one of the raffles I tried for . Oh well ! Better luck next time . Then this morning around 9 : 30 my phone rang . I was changing G 's diPosted by Okay , so here is the next part of the ongoing saga of my life in the petri dish . Wednesday morning Sonya started the day telling me that she kept waking up and taking " sleepbuggers " out of her eyes all night . " Let me see your eyes , " I ordered . Sure enough , the right one was red . Great . I threw a couple drops in and sent her to school . I noticed Georgia also had an abundance of eye buggers which looked a lot like pink - eye . I made a phone call to the pediatrician 's office and asked if they could call in another prescription . I wasn 't sure I 'd have enough with the first one . They asked if I wanted to bring them in to confirm that was what it was . No thanks . I know . No need to make ANOTHER trip in there . Little did I know I would be back there anyway that day . The most unfortunate part about Wednesday , was my parents leaving . I had no backup once I dropped them off at the Burbank / Bob Hope Airport . I felt bad they spent most of their time visiting , helping with sick children . I was very appreciative of it , however . Andy was back at work , even though still not feeling well , and I had another kid with pink eye at the very least . When I returned from picking Sonya up from school yesterday , Lana was a hot mess and I mean that literally . Her fever was back up and Georgia 's was just back . I , once again , called the ped , who I now had on speed dial number 2 , and made an appointment for that afternoon . Now , at first I felt stupid going in yet AGAIN . I mean Georgia and Lana were in on Friday and he didn 't see anything serious , and the Dr on Monday checked Lana 's ears finding nothing . Turns out bacteria grows fast . Here 's the list of ailments we walked out of there with : Sonya - Pink Eye ( so far ) Lana - Bad ear infection in the left ear , pink - eyeGeorgia ( the worst one ) double ear infection , pink eye , sinus infection , bronchitisNeedless to say , two of them were put on antibiotics , which taste yucky , according to them . So THAT ' S been fun trying to make them take it . Georgia has an inhaler , which she doesn 't " yike " . And they all have to have Posted by Posting has been light over the last week for a couple of reasons . The first one being EVERYONE in my house has been sick . Except me . . . yet . The second being , that my parents were here , which helped the first reason greatly , but left little time for my writing . I thought I 'd tell you the tale of my life in the petri dish . Or the events in the HOUSE OF SICK . I think it may end up being a two parter . It all started about a week and a half ago when Georgia developed a fever . There were no other symptoms , just the fever . That was two weekends ago . It lasted for about 5 days . Last Monday night , Andy said he wasn 't feeling so great . He went to work on Tuesday , but by Wednesday he was holed up in our room armed with Motrin , a box of tissues , OJ , and the Playstation - which he never plays anymore . He got continually worse with a fever and then somehow contracted pink eye . Now for those of you who don 't know , pink eye is EXTREMELY contagious . And I mean VERY . So you can see where this is going , right ? By Thursday , Georgia 's fever was gone and she seemed fine , but Lana started to spike a temp . Friday , Andy went to see his doctor and was prescribed antibiotics and eye drops . He was told to stay away from everyone for two days . Kinda impossible in our house , but he remained in our bedroom . When he wasn 't in there I Lysol bombed the room , with the windows open . I also took Lana and Georgia , who 's fever was back , into the Pediatrician on Friday morning . Now , keep track because this was our FIRST visit . There will be a quiz at the end . Dr . Boxstein , who is a great Pediatrician , found that what they had appeared to be viral . . . for the moment . So Motrin , rest , and liquids , were the only prescriptions we walked away with . That afternoon the calvary arrived , and not a moment too soon . My parents were home to help me with dinner and the girls ' bedtime routine that evening , since Andy wasn 't much help at that pointSaturday , there was no one to add to the sick bay . Georgia seemed to be doing better but Lana was still very fevery and starPosted by I 'm a 40 year old stay at home mom of 3 girls . I love being with them , but some days they drive me to drink , literally . My husband , Andy , is a fantastic daddy and a great husband . He makes me laugh every day . Even though this is not where I thought I 'd end up , it 's starting to feel more like it 's where I am supposed to be . Starting this blog has helped me with that . |
I lost myself somewhere . In - between losing my house and savings and moving away from what had been my home for ten years , I lost who I was . I lost my confidence , my security , and the knowledge that I could be anything I set my mind to . . . I got lost . I want to remember ( to know ) how much I used to love life . How much I enjoy watching sunrises and sunsets . The feeling of the sun on my face , the wind in my hair , and the smell of the rain . The sense of security I feel in the arms of my husband , the strength I feel when my soul - dog Trooper leans into me , the laughter when my pug Henry draws back and showers me with sugar boogers . I haven 't updated the maps on my GPS since 2009 . Not that it has made a huge difference because I 'm sure that Killeen hasn 't made a lot of changes , but it is still nice to know all the latest and greatest . It brings me back to a time BGPS . . . before GPS when men were forced by the nagging of their wife to stop and ask directions at a local gas station . I can picture it now . The guy walks in to the small local store , map in hand and says " my wife insisted that we stop to ask directions because SHE can 't find the directions on the map . " It makes me think of a country song about collard greens and sweet tea and finding love in unexpected places because chance . . . not GPS brought you together . Sometimes just hitting the road with no destination in mind is the best way to have the most adventures . And even if it doesn 't turn into an adventure worth remembering . . . it will be a journey you will never forget . Life can be like that sometimes . We think we have the directions for where we want to go , know all the rest stops along the way , best restaurants , cleanest way stations The boring life . The " safe " life . No surprises . Everything planned out . Scheduled . Time allotted for every historic sign . But life sometimes forces us into detours that turn out to be better than anything we could have planned . Once upon a time I thought I knew where my life would take me . I had plans . That white house , picket fence , 2 . 5 kids , 6 . 5 dogs ( or was it the other way around ? ) Husband making big money so I could be a stay at home mom and just do the school PTA functions and all those other mindless things that eventually lead to affairs with the pool boy and an addiction to pain killers . My life is far from routine . Far from the same old grind . Every day is a new experience . A new smile , and something new to appreciate about my husband , my dogs , our few friends , and our life together . Just the fact that he makes the effort to get me a beef stick when he stops to get gas makes me realize that I am loved . And loved beyond measure . More than I 've every been loved before because I don 't think that any of my ex 's even knew what love was . . . And to be honest . . . I wouldn 't trade this life for all the money in the universe because I am loved . I am appreciated . And I am me . Healing soldiers , one dog at a time , this is an excellent story about an awesome program ! So often we think of " service dogs " as being those for the blind or paralyzed . This program provides dogs for veterans suffering from PTSD as well . For anyone that is a dog lover , dog mom , dog dad , dog friend . . . or a dog . . . you know how our " best friends " can reach us in our deepest , darkest times . I would love to be able to foster puppies , but know I would never be able to give them up . What I have been able to do in the past is provide care packages for Military Working Dogs and their handlers . A box shipped to a deployed team with toys , treats , dog shampoo and simple care items that the military doesn 't fund . " When I despair , I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won . There have been tyrants , and murderers , and for a time they can seem invincible , but in the end they always fall . Think of it - - always . " It just seems that any religion . . . any faith . . . any belief system would be . . . or should be . . . based on love . Love of self . Love of each other . Love for this world . All he was saying . . . was give peace a chance . Just like the wise men that came before . . . and after him . And for that hope . . . that faith . . . he was killed . Just like the wise men that came before . . . and after him . My Aunt Nan recently sent me a book that has helped her in the last year as she has faced challenges she never thought she would face . Her strength has come from knowing that she has never been alone in her trials . Not just does she stand tall in her faith , but she has been supported by her children , her brother and sister , nieces , nephews , and many , many friends . She has kept her focus on Him , and her trust in Him , and that has helped her to find peace with what she has been going through . Justin Bonderach carries his dog , Jack , in a sling when the pooch refused to walk in the rain , Jan . 23 , in Los Angel s . I love th s . Only because one of my previous pugs , Tink , used to have a real concern about her feet melting in the ra n . While I occasionally grabbed her by her harness and carried her like this if she tried to run into traffic , I didn 't make a habit of Tink must have been the Wicked Witch of the West in a previous life . We lived in Florida , and it rains more frequently there than it does here in Texas . Especially during hurricanes and summer . She probably would have liked Texas better . She would go to the back door to ask to go out , and if it was raining when I opened the door , she would look at me as if it was my fault then turn and go to the front door . I tried to explain to her that the Laws of Geography were that if it was raining in the back yard , there was a good chance it was raining in the front yard . But she never believed me . Because of how my townhouse in Florida was built , it actually seemed to rain harder in the front yard from the rain flowing off the roof than in the back yard where I had a covered patio . Henry , my current pug , also has some worries about water and drowning but he won 't let his bigger brother , Trooper , see his fear and will charge out in the rain along side him . Both dogs know that following an outing in the rain , they will get a vigorous rubdown massage with a towel to dry them off . I think sometimes Trooper actually acts like he has to go to the bathroom more often in the rain just so he can get a towel - down . There wasn 't any singing or dancing involved . . . until later anyway when the day 's sales were tallied . All it took was one person sending an email out to 40 friends asking them to help support a local small business by coming out and spending $ 20 that day . Those 40 emails were forwarded to others , and by closing time that " small " business had expanded to become a large family of friends and supporters . The shop reminded me of a little store in Florida that my dad would always frequent . Boyette & Casey Hardware . I 've only been in there a few times , but it seemed like one of those stores where you would ~ and could ~ find anything you needed , and even those things you didn 't realize you needed . The parking lot is filled with oyster shells from the small family owned oyster bar across the street . My memories of it from childhood were that it was one of those places like Mr . Magorium 's Wonder Emporium . Full of magic and everything imaginable . Do you know of a small family owned business in your community that could do with a " cash mob occupation " this month ? Think about it . Spread the word . Don 't wait for empty promises in Washington , DC to bring change to the economy . . . instead . . . bring your own change to that local shop and spend it making a change in how we do business in America . One Christmas I decided that it was never too late to have the childhood I 'd always wanted . I got a Candyland game , the complete set of Nancy Drew mysteries , and I got a kit to build my first wooden dollhouse . I put in wood flooring , a cedar shake roof , stained glass windows , and working electricity to light the miniature Tiffany stained glass chandeliers and table lamps . Using pages from a wallpaper sample book , I carefully pasted the walls and put up decorative paper with tiny designs . Some rooms I even created tiny chair rails which divided a papered lower half and a painted top half of a room . Miniature tables , chairs , beds , and even tinier decorations . Each season , each holiday , I would decorate my ' dream ' house . At Halloween , I created ghosts out of a cotton ball and pieces of tissue paper to hang from the front railings , decorating with small pumpkins found at the hobby shop . A fat , juicy looking Thanksgiving turkey sat on the top of the miniature oven as if it just came out to cool . Christmas lights would blink on and off , as would the lights on the tiny tree in front of the fireplace where all the stockings were hung with care . . . " It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea , pretty and blue , was the Earth . I put up my thumb and shut one eye , and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth . I didn 't feel like a giant . I felt very , very small . " ~ Neil Armstrong ~ Last week I got the biopsy results I 'd been waiting for . I think I got them anyway . The results were that they want to take another biopsy to confirm what they suspect before they tell me for sure . I haven 't decided yet if that is like an oxymoron . I suppose I shouldn 't worry because the doctor doesn 't seem to be worried . He 's having me wait two weeks before they do the 2nd biopsy . But the thing that worries me is that I don 't really have any parts for them to remove if it is something to worry about . They already took what that empty and barren womb six years ago . So now what ? My wish for my health and wellness is that I have nothing to wish for . . . that there is nothing to worry about . . . nothing to freeze , burn , radiate or remove . . . my wish is that the 2nd biopsy shows nothing except for a glitch in the test the first time around . So in a sense , my wish is a non - wish . A wish to be worry free and have the sense of well - being that kept me feeling immortal for the past six years . I wish to not have to wish . . . P . S . During Thursday night 's call with Mom , she commented that she was overwhelmed by the outpouring of wishes with mine , and the love and support she read in the comments . I told her that was the magic of Wishcasting Wednesdays , and the power of ' we . ' What do you now fear ? How will you use this ? Every fear is a gift , though every gift needs unwrapping . " Oh look , it 's me , only more ! " Yesterday was my last three - day weekend for two wee s . I got lucky with the holidays in January , and as a result . . . got spoil d . Now today I 'm back in the rat race . . . roach race . . . down in the coal mine until my next three day weekend the 4th - 6 I 'd love to have a job that I loved . One where I felt respected . . . valued . . . and like I was a contributor . Even coal miners have days when they realize the work they do , while dirty , is something that others can benefit from . Here . . . I feel like I 'm just going in circles . . . dancing at the end of someones strings . . . a puppet to be played . I 've thought about going on that reality entrepreneur show Shark Tank to pitch the opening chapter of Trooper 's R n . It was actually a business plan of mine when I was working on my MBA thesis back in the day of imagination and immortali y . But not knowing how to find financial backers . . . it just faded into a stack of papers until I started writing books to purge my inner demo In this economy , it is almost better to be self - employed than to be one of the maze runne s . The job security isn 't there anymore with traditional jobs . . . or even with non - traditional or government jo s . At least the fifty cents you earn an hour will be earned honestly , doing something you lo We all want to be motivated to work . . . and not just to pay bills and get by . I want to work to live . . . not live to work . I want to be fulfilled by what I do , not be buried by it . . . This weekend and today , David and I watched some absolutely fascinating movies and series . The first that got us hooked was Disney Nature 's Oceans . It was like watching a water ballet at times , truly beautiful and graceful . Two lifetimes ago I was working for a government contractor who will remain nameless , but we will refer to as " LM . " I was a lowly administrative assistant ( aka peon ~ or rather peed on ) . One of my duties was reconciling the travel vouchers for the mechanics who spent every other six months at our site in California , from their " homes " in Texas . LM paid these guys a pretty healthy per diem when they were in California . Rent , utilities , food allowance , mileage . . . it was pretty cushy considering they were passing those charges on to the government . . . ( aka you the taxpayer ) . When I questioned why one of the guys was charging $ 500 + for mileage to " drive " his car from Texas to California when his travel receipts showed that he had rented a UHaul truck and tow bar to haul his car . . . I was told " but that 's how he has always done it . " When I questioned why we were paying another guy 's $ 1500 a month " rent " ( $ 750 mortgage and $ 750 into his pocket ) and all utilities for a house that he owned , when it was clearly stated on the " lease agreement " that he was the owner . . . and renter . . . I was told " but that 's how he has always done it . " Jump forward twenty years . I 'm not a government contractor anymore . . . I 'm a government employee . And nothing has changed . In a time where the government is struggling to balance a budget and claims to fight against fraud , waste , and abuse . . . there is still that " but that 's how it has always been done " mindset . There are no checks and balances for a system that is broken and no one wants to be the one who stands up and says " wait just a minute , this doesn 't make sense . " I 've tried . And for that , I 've been punished . They say there are laws against retaliation . . . laws to protect whistle blowers . . . but really , they are just empty words on paper . Today is my little sister 's birthday . She is all of 32 years old ( yes , Mom , we know . She is really starting her 33rd year ) . She was born after I had moved back to my Dad 's , and in early 1984 she moved to Scotland with Mom & her dad . For most of her childhood , I was just a voice on the phone , and we never really had many chances to get to know each other . But now she is back in the States . A grown woman . A mother of two awesome boys . We are getting to know each other again , slowly . . . still mostly by phone calls . . . emails . . . and the dark hole of Facebook . I 've been in the process of getting organized . . . purging . . . re - gifting . . . selling some things on eBay . One person 's trash can be another person 's treasure . . . or not . Either way , I 've been putting some of my childhood treasures for sale on eBay . I no longer have a fancy china cabinet to put them in . . . and even if I did . . . I would probably still not enjoy them as much as I did when I got them as a child . I am sending some heirlooms on to other family members who will either enjoy them or pass them along to their own children and grandchildren . Most of these " treasures " have been kept in boxes for so long that seeing them again has come as a surprise for some things . After my Dad died and we finally got the rest of his will and papers from his lady friend , we found some pages he had written talking about the significance of some of his belongings . One in particular was a bowl ~ a simple mixing bowl ~ that had belonged to his mother and had sentimental value if not value as an antique . Unfortunately , the bowl had been one of many that had been boxed up and taken to Goodwill before we knew of its value . I visited Nice ( pronounced like niece ) , France as a child . Mom 's high school pen pal lived there with her family , so when Dad got stationed in Germany , it was a wonderful opportunity for them to finally meet . Genevieve and Yvon were wonderful hosts , as were their children , Sylvia and Damien . 1 . When driving on narrow mountain roads , try to sit on the inside seat . Better yet , just close your eyes and imagine you are on a Disney ride . By doing this , I could have avoided weeks of nightmares from memories of the car racing along at an outrageous speed to the very edge of a mountain road with no guardrails . 2 . Seafood is relatively healthy and good for you . The fresh steamed mussels I turned my nose up at Christmas when I was 9 years old were probably not as bad as they looked . . . and by waiting 35 years to try new foods I missed out on a lot opportunities to excite my taste buds and find new favorite foods . If I really couldn 't stand the look of it , I should have closed my eyes to try it , but at least I could have tried it . I might be pleasantly surprised . . . like I was when I tried escargot . . . and that looked a lot worse than the mussels did . 3 . Never dance in front of a camera . Ever . You may not think that it will ever return to haunt you , but it will . One day someone will send you a DVD of their Super 8 movie reels that they had transferred and you will be mortified when you watch it with your husband who was unaware of your past life as a child table dancer . It doesn 't matter that you were eight years old . Some things are just better not seen again . Trust me . But the one thing that has always been elusive has been the sound of my own heart 's desires . The things I want most in life . . . my dreams . . . goals . . . hopes for the future . I tend to ignore my own needs to tend to the needs of others . { P . S . ~ In listening to my heart this morning , and reading my Note from the Universe , I 'm hearing my heart tell me that I need to focus more on my writing . . . and on my giving . So to respond to the first , I have decided that I need to again start working on a new book which I will publish exclusively on Smashwords . com when it is complete . . . and . . . using a random number generator ( thanx Amanda ! ) I will send a copy of my first book " My Best Friends Have Hairy Legs " to a lucky person that comments on this blog . They will be announced Friday night . } In a way , life itself tracks a person 's generosity , much like an airline might track frequent flyer miles . The more you give , the more you earn , the higher you fly , and the further you go . One thing about generosity is that you can 't ever overdo it . Now to clarify . . . I don 't remember when I bought the book , but it was obvious to me even then that I needed help to " focus my needs and navigate my dreams . " For whatever reasons , I apparently started on the suggested questions at a time when my mind was too full to focus on it , which is why I found it years ( ! ? ! ? ! ) later in The BTR . It 's not even like I had some kind of deadline either to procrastinate . It is a 52 week guided journal . . . and I couldn 't even get past week one . Part of the problem I realize is just in the title . " Mindful . " I already have a mind full of stuff . . . which is why I 'm always losing things , or misplacing things . I 'm reminded of some Twilight Zone episodes and a movie about the guys that keep things rolling along in time . . . For the first time in my life , I was ashamed of the color of my skin . Not that I 'd ever flaunted it before . . . I grew up in a time just before and after Martin Luther King Jr . 's assassination . . . in a time when color lines still divided schools , towns , and people . But it was never a line that I saw or that impacted me . I never noticed the difference enough to realize that those lines even existed . MLK died when I was just six years old , and the year after his death , we moved to Germany for four years with my father 's military assignment . Life in a military environment . . . for us kids anyway . . . didn 't have color lines . Schools for military brats didn 't separate us by color , only by age and reading skill . In retrospect , I realize that I grew up pretty naive . . . . and ignorant . But I also grew up with the belief that everyone was unique , special , and we were all pretty much the same . I still believe that about people . Some are just lucky enough to have darker tans . We 've had a Cooper 's Hawk in the yard several times this mon h . Birds of prey are fascinating to e . I used to watch the hawks , ospreys , and eagles in Florida as they dove into the water for fi h . When I visited Alaska the summer of 2008 , my cousin Sue , and I went to the tip of Homer 's Spit to where the bald eagles made a habit of hanging o t . It was incredible to see such a large and magnificent symbol of America in the wi It was believed that the hawk empowered a person to examine their lives closely ( because of the hawk 's superior vision ) in order to keep what was good and positive , and to release what was bad or negative . They are thought to be messengers between the worlds of the living and the dead ( Inuit chose the Raven for this role as I wrote about in Eagle Visions ) . Native American Indians believed that the hawk was a messenger of change , reminding us that we need to remain focused and aware of our surroundings . Because the hawk has an incredible ability to survive and adapt to its environment ~ they can be found in busy cities and in the open country ~ they often are used as a symbol of persistence , determination , and strong will . My Dad loved to go sailing . He loved wooden boats , and the craftsmanship that went into them . He loved the solitude of being on the water , and while he was younger and healthy , it would be where he went on Sundays to find God . He would have an old ratty pair of shorts , with holes in them that he called his church goin ' shorts because they were ' holy . ' I remember when Dad got his first sailboat after we moved to Florida . I must have been eleven or twelve . It was the only time I remember my Mom going sailing with him . We got hit by a thunderstorm while crossing the bay , and the sailboat was tipped over so far that water was coming in over the stern hull , the keel almost out of the water . In the galley where I was , you could look out the window and see the bottom of the bay where the sand was swirling with the power of the water . Mom and Dad were in the cockpit while Dad tried to control the tiller and keep the boat upright . When we are caught in the storms of life , they often feel like they last an eternity . We are frightened when we feel alone and out of sight of the shore . We feel tossed and blown by the wind and waves and don 't know if we will survive the storm . 22 But now I urge you to keep up your courage , because not one of you will be lost ; only the ship will be destroyed . 23 Last night an angel of the God to whom I belong and whom I serve stood beside me 24 and said , ' Do not be afraid , Paul . You must stand trial before Caesar ; and God has graciously given you the lives of all who sail with you . ' 25 So keep up your courage , men , for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me . Two lifetimes ago , ( before Witness Protection ) I was a backseat rider with bunch of Harley bikers in California . Relax . . . it wasn 't anything as exciting as " that " but it was fun getting out with other H . O . G . ( Harley Owners Group ) members . We had a candy apple red Electra Glide Classic touring bike , complete with armrests for the backseat rider . I would frequently get so relaxed on the bike with the steady " potato , potato , potato " humming that I would doze off . The armrests kept me from falling off the bike , but didn 't do much to help keep me awake . One long weekend in early April , we took a ride from the Antelope Valley , north to Death Valley . It was before the summer heat really kicked in , but there was still a significant temperature change as we dropped from the mountains into the valley . We had thick leather coats on in the mountains , but had to stop and pack them as we got lower into the valley . I wish to claim . . . to reclaim . . . my confidence , my strength , my knowledge of what it is I want in life . . . and the strength and courage to go after it . I wish to claim . . . and reclaim . . . who I am . Not who I was , but who I will be . The me that is yet to be , the one who looks back at this time of growth and reflection and says . . . " I have come out on the other side and survived . I am stronger , wiser , and know what I want in life and not only am I going to go after it . . . I 'm living it now . " Writing has always been an outlet for me . A way of expressing myself that gave me the option to go back and re - read my words . . . to learn from them , change them , or just delete them . I 've learned ( painfully ) that like spoken words , sometimes you can 't take back the written word . . . so I have gotten into the habit of writing some blogs a day or five ahead of time , then reading , re - reading , editing , and sometimes deleting them before they are seen by anyone else . Spoken words can cut deeper than any knife , leaving a scar that sometimes never heals . The children 's rhyme " Sticks and stones may break my bones , but words will never hurt me . " wasn 't true . Broken bones heal , cuts heal . They may leave scars , but with time , those even fade . Written words can be just as damaging . Perhaps not spoken aloud , but once read they too become little bits of coral that anchor and grow . The problem with both is that they are subject to interpretation and perception . The transition between what it said or what is written can change between the time it is heard or the time it is read . Not only will it change for whom it was intended , but it can change again a million times over as others hear it repeated or read the words . It has started wars , ended relationships , and changed lives . There is no solution for this dilemma between intent and perception except to stop speaking or stop writing . We can stop listening or stop reading . But even then our silence can be perceived differently . Some may perceive it as agreement , others as disagreement , when all that was intended was to stop hurting . . . and being hurt . " What are you hungry for under this Full Wolf Moon ? The wolf reminds us to connect to our hunger , to notice what desires are calling for our attention . Our dreamboards can help us bring these desires to light and to being ! This is an invitation to not just notice our desires but to begin the important work of tending them , stepping into what we can do to honour what we know of our dreams . What a beautiful way to begin the year . " Every 2nd Monday is my Regular Day Off ( RDO ) because I 'm working an 9 / 80 schedule . I love it . This month , because of the holidays , I have a three day weekend all but the last weekend in January . Honestly tho . . . even a day spent kicking back with my husband and dogs isn 't a wasted day . Cold , winter days are spent snuggled in bed watching movies , or in front of the fireplace playing Yahtzee . When the weather warms up and fish start biting again , we 'll spend the day in the boat . Bertrand Russell had it right when he said " The time you enjoyed wasting is not wasted time . " David and I went fishing this afternoon . As we rowed back to the truck and trailer , the lake was glass slick , the moon reflected in the water as it slowly rose . While we saw a large 3 - 4 pound bass jump and laugh at us . . . we didn 't get a single bite . But a bad day fishing is better than a good day working at times , and today was just that kind of day . We watched Red - Wing Orioles in the trees , and a small Downey Woodpecker running along the bark of the mountain cedar trees . A Cooper 's Hawk quietly soared overhead , and a large Great Blue Heron watched us from a tree branch before flying off to the opposite side of the lake . A white Egret waded along the shore intently watching the water for small fish . American Coots , Pie Billed Grebes , and Double Crested Cormorants swam and fished on the water in the distance , racing away like speed boats when we approached . The wind was calm , and the temperature was comfortable . . . not too hot and not too cold . Have you ever spent an afternoon watching ants wo k ? They are so focused on their work , so dedicated , that they sometimes sacrifice themselves for the good of others just to get the work do e . Need a brid e ? Here , walk on my ba k . Need a ra t ? Here , stand on They follow an invisible line from Point A to Point B so closely that if you put something in their way , they at first panic and mill around before finding their way again . If they can move the object , they will . If they can 't , they will find a way over or around it . I spoke recently to my Aunt Nan about some of the things I 've been facing in the past year . It 's not like she hasn 't had things to face recently either . I told her about pulling away from family and friends to focus inward to try and get rid of some of my ' stuff ' and she said that I can 't get rid of aunts . I wouldn 't want to . Aunt Nan has always been there with an encouraging word to lift me up when I was down , or a priceless piece of advice when I needed to slow down . My favorite is when she reminds me of what the airline crew tell you before taking off on a trip . They say that patience is a virtue . If that is the case , I 've not been very virtuous lately . I want to have Tabitha 's nose or finger snap from Bewitched or Jeannie 's nod from I Dream of Jeannie . Normally , I 'm a very patient person . Too patient in fact . But not lately . I know that things will get better . . . they always do . But I 'm ready for them to get better now , and I 'm not being very patient in this waiting game . I went in late September 1986 . It was hot , but not unbearably so . I don 't know how to scuba dive , but learned to snorkel that weekend . Floating motionless over the coral , letting the waves coming into the inlet carry me , I was fascinated by this world under the water . Elbow Cay wasn 't the typical Bahamas tourist playground , and while it was only for a four - day weekend . . . it was as if I was transported back to a time when I had no cares or worries . Transportation around the island was mostly by bicycles , boat , or bi - ped ( walking ) . Music played in the afternoons , but the streets rolled up at sundown and the locals relaxed to watch the sunset . When you look up . . . you can 't look down ! I knew that moving from the Florida Panhandle to the north woods was going to be an adventure . . . I just didn 't realize how amazing life was going to be , and how much God was going to bless us ! View my complete profile |
Day 160 : Shipwreck - we went to Rhosilli Beach which is part of the National Trust coastline and had an amazing day . The weather was beautiful , we jumped over waves and checked out all the caves , and even saw an actual shipwreck . How cool is that ? Day 163 : Who cares if it 's raining ? - my friends came for lunch and the children decided that they would like to go out to play in the rain . Ollie loved jumping on the trampoline wearing only his t - shirt . Day 165 : Girls weekend - I went on an overnight stay at a spa in Birmingham with my friends and it was amazing . To be honest , it was more about the food , wine and gossip and less about the treatments for me . And the food was totally amazing . This is my extremely chocolatey dessert . National Trust Wales recently asked if we would like to get involved with a campaign called 50 things to do before you 're 11 ¾ and I jumped at the chance as I thought it would give us ideas for things to do and motivate me to write about them . After scouring the National Trust website I found the perfect place to start . Tredegar House were holding a Pirate Day on bank holiday Monday , which I knew my boys would love , and it would give us a chance to find out more about what 's involved . We 'd never been to Tredegar House before and we were amazed at how beautiful it is . It 's a fabulous 17th Century mansion with amazing grounds that we couldn 't wait to explore . We were greeted by pirates on the way in and the boys were given questions to complete for the treasure hunt . We were very excited to see all the games that were going on in the grounds , and even more pleased to see that there was a little bit of treasure ( chocolate coins ) for any game that they won . Even Ollie got involved and the staff kindly gave him a coin for his efforts . The weather was lovely and it was very relaxing watching the boys run around playing games in beautiful surroundings . Next we went on to the orchard where there were some 50 Things activities running . We 'd already picked up our scrapbook so we were ready to start filling them with stickers . The boys decided to build a den and a member of staff showed them how to use all the branches that had been gathered locally to build a shelter in the wild . They really enjoyed all the hard work and were rewarded with this fantastic den for their efforts . I think they 'll be asking to build one in the garden when we get home though I might have to find a tree first . It was great to watch them working together to get this finished . They listened to the staff member , which was unusual enough , but the help and support they showed each other almost brought a tear to my eye . After all , I 'm more used to breaking up their fights . Two activities completed and it was back to pirate fun . They walked the plank while their father tried to soak them with wet sponges , but they soon got their own back . They made their dad walk the plank and by the time he 'd finished he was wetter than the three boys put together . They were throwing the sponges at point blank range . I stayed a safe distance away , making the excuse that I couldn 't get my camera wet ! Next it was time to explore the amazing house . We went inside and gazed around us in wonder at the extravagantly designed rooms . The room guides were fantastic and explained all about the history of the house . I had been worried about taking the boys inside as they do like to run around but I needn 't have worried . My oldest became engrossed in a talk about the house , and my youngest two were fascinated with everything that was to be seen . The dining room was dressed with a table laden with food ; then in another room there was a dressing up box and old fashioned games that we could actually sit and play . This was no stuffy museum with nothing to touch . There really was something for everyone . We had a totally enjoyable day . Our 50 Things adventures have started , we have played and had lots of fun , and learnt a little bit about our local history . What more could we ask for ? And the icing on the cake was . . . . . . . All that 's left do do know is decide which activity on the 50 Things list we should do next . Maybe we 'll make a mud pie , skim a stone , or even build a raft . The possibilities are endless . And I do mean toilet training . None of my boys have been very interested in using the potty so we 've gone straight to the toilet . It involves a few weeks of them desperately holding onto me for dear life , but they do learn to balance themselves . Eventually . I 've always been quite relaxed with toilet training and prefer to take the childs ' lead . My eldest son took to it quite quickly and loved to copy his daddy by standing on his little stool to wee in the toilet . It was great at home but not so great when we went out . I remember one thirty minute car journey where we went through four pairs of trousers and I realised that he wasn 't quite ready and put him back into nappies . I know this is against what all the textbooks say , but it worked for us . About a month later he decided that he wanted to try again and this time it worked . Apart from the occasional accident ( usually at night ) we never looked back . When it was time to do the same with my next boy , I stupidly assumed it would be just as easy as before . How wrong I was . He would wee on the toilet but absolutely refused to poo . He would hold it in to the point where he couldn 't eat and he felt ill . He used to leak ( sorry if you 're eating ) and I had no idea what to do with him . We tried everything that we could think of ; we would let him watch us on the toilet , we discussed , begged , comforted and shouted at him ; we bought books about what happens when you poo , and discussed it with the health visitor . We even let him poo in the garden . We were at our wits end . He started to smell and I was worried about him being teased because of this . Everywhere we went became stressful as we usually ended up in a big mess as bits would leak through . The only thing that worked in the end was watching him every second , which was difficult as he would try to hide it , and as soon as he showed signs of holding it in , I would rush him to the toilet and make him sit there . He would sob and I would feel guilty , but he wasn 't able to hold it in when sat on the toilet and it would all come out . It was terrible and I hoped I would never have to go through this again . He did overcome it eventually , though he is still a very private person when using the toilet . I was prepared for anything with my youngest son , but was still a bit gutted when he started to withhold his poo . The difference this time was that my previous experience helped and I run him to the toilet as soon as he starts to hold it in . At two and a half he is getting much better thankfully . But now I have a different problem . He stubbornly refuses to wear pants . He asks to use the toilet when at home and is well controlled and well aware of when he needs to go . He just won 't wear pants . It 's easy at home , I can just leave him with nothing on , but I can 't exactly do that to go out . He also refuses to wear trousers with nothing on underneath so that 's not an option . We 've had conversations around whether big boys wear nappies or pants , but he is adamant that he is still a baby who wears nappies ( at any other time he insists that he 's a big boy ) . My mother suggested that it could be that he sees his brothers wearing boxer shorts so he wants the same , so I tried that but it didn 't work either . I bought him Thomas the Tank Engine pants as this is his favourite character , but it still didn 't tempt him . Experience tells me that I should just wait until he understands a little bit better , and to be honest , I 'm not at all concerned . I just wonder why . What has caused him to not want to wear pants ? What causes any issue that a child has with toileting ? Is it something that we 've said , or done ? Something they 've seen on TV ? I 'll probably never know . All I do know is that children who are brought up in seemingly the same way , all have different issues . I may as well throw that textbook away . Posted by Day 77 : My three boys - it 's next to impossible to get a decent photo of the boys together but I came home from work today and they were all in a cooperative mood . It was only when I looked back at the photo that I realised my oldest doesn 't look too happy . I think it was because his little brothers were messing around a little bit . Day 81 : Puddle jumping - O took great delight in jumping in every puddle in our driveway . He soaked himself ( and me ) but it was great fun . Day 82 : A new belt - My oldest two boys had their kickboxing grading today and they both got new belts . They are doing so well at kickboxing and I am so proud of them . They are both little stars . I 've been staring at a blank screen all day , struggling to come up with the words I need . The day didn 't start too well . I spent my morning shouting trying to coax the children to eat their breakfast and get ready for school , though that 's nothing new . It 's always a mad rush to get out of the house on time but this morning was particularly bad . It started when I woke with a start and realised that I 'd slept late . Not much but still a bit later than planned , and my mornings are planned to military precision . I shot out of bed , made the children their breakfast , made their packed lunches and then sent them upstairs to get washed and dressed . That 's where it all started to go wrong . Within five minutes there was shouting , fighting , crying and then laughing as my youngest proceeded to throw all his toys down the stairs . I went up , shouted a bit and eventually got them and myself ready to go . Bedtime is the worst time of day for me . The boys are excited at seeing their father , they 're tired but don 't want to go to bed , and I 'm heading for breaking point . All I can think about is wine settling down in front of the TV but the boys aren 't going to give up any time soon . It soon ends in tears ( occasionally my own ) and the house descends into calm . Finally no more screaming , tantrums or cheekiness . For a few short hours at least . It 's also the time where I sit and reflect on my day and wonder what I could have done better . I watch them sleeping and I realise that my boys are still so small . I don 't want to spend my days rushing and having to shout at them . I want to savour this time when they 're still young and innocent . However frustrated and annoyed I get , it doesn 't take much to change all that in an instant . My oldest looking me with his big puppy dog eyes , my middle boy giving me a bear hug , and my youngest holding my hand . It 's these small things that make all the difference . There 's just over a week to go before my older two boys go back to school . My oldest will be starting Year 2 and my middle boy will be going into Reception . They are both looking forward to seeing all their friends and I am looking forward to no more fighting seeing their happy , smiling faces at the school gates . I can 't wait to see them back in their uniforms , with their new shoes and packed lunch bags . The only problem is I haven 't actually bought any of them yet . I 'll make all the usual excuses now . The holiday has flown by , it 's hard to go shopping with all three boys , work , life , money , children , everything seems to get in the way . The truth is though , I 'm really disorganised . I spend a lot of my time planning but never actually doing anything about it . It 's all in my head but I find it difficult to put things into action . I am very much the type of person that likes to work under pressure ; I find I get more things done when I 've got a deadline looming . I 'll sit and think about everything I 've got to do but unless it needs to be done instantly I file it away somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind . Then I have these really proactive days where I get loads done , I feel full of energy and positivity and life is good . The problem is that these are few and far between . Every so often I decide that I need to get organised and make lists of everything that I need to do and not wait until last minute . Then all of a sudden it is the last minute and I haven 't done anything again . How does that happen ? I 've always called myself a lazy mum . I don 't believe in making things difficult for myself and will always try to find the easy option . My children all slept with me when they were babies as I was breastfeeding and so it meant I didn 't have to get out of bed to feed them ( and I also liked having them in bed with me ) . I even used to joke that I breastfed because I was too lazy to make up bottles ( that really is a joke as breastfeeding isn 't the easiest thing to do , not in the early days at least ) . This is even a disorganised post . I intended to talk about getting my children ready to go back to school and I end up going off on a tangent . So , back to school . Sometimes good things really do come to those who wait . I like to enter competitions and today I won a £ 25 voucher for Clothing at Tesco , so this will go some way towards buying their uniforms . That will be a huge help as there 's a lot to get for the two boys . I 'm also going to get their school shoes this weekend so that 'll be another item ticked off my list ( if I had one that is ) . So I 've decided that I 'm going to make a list of everything I need to do and buy over the weekend . By the time I go back to work on Tuesday it will all be bought or ordered . But perhaps I 'll write my list tomorrow . After all , it 's late now and I 've got tweets to write cleaning to do before bed . It was a struggle to get the boys to bed tonight . They all came downstairs when their father got home from work and it was clear that they didn 't want to go back to bed . My middle boy asked me if he could have some warm milk before going up , so I made it for him and as I handed it to him I said " up to bed now and I don 't want to se you again " . I didn 't know what he was talking about at first , then it clicked . I ran upstairs to see Ethan and he was lying on his bed , sobbing his little heart out . I gave him a huge cuddle and explained that I meant I didn 't want to see him for the rest of tonight . He thought I didn 't want to see him ever again . My poor boy . That 'll teach me to think about what I say to the children . They take everything so literally . As if I wouldn 't want to see this gorgeous face again . Posted by I got home from work at lunchtime today and as soon as I walked through the door I could sense that there was mischief in the air . You 've been there right ? When you can 't see anyone but you know by the noises from somewhere within that there are little people up to no good . My father had kindly looked after them for me to work and they had run him ragged . Shouting , screaming , nagging and fighting had been the order of the day . Needless to say he didn 't stay long after I got home . I made them lunch while they ran around the garden and got themselves covered in mud . I can cope with that . They are boys after all . The noise levels were high and my tolerance levels were dropping fast . All was quiet for a while and I was enjoying watching Come Dine With Me while working my way through the mountain of ironing . Then , about 30 minutes in , they started fighting . I went downstairs , shouted at them to behave and went back to my ironing . I appreciate that a day stuck in the house is boring for young boys , but sometimes it just can 't be helped . I must have gone down about three more times in the next 10 minutes to tell them off . They were jumping on the furniture , taking all the photos off the shelves and fighting in between . I told them that they were having a bath and going straight to bed after their dinner . More cheek ! They don 't listen to me , and just answer me back . I carried through with my threat and sent them straight upstairs after they had eaten . No treats , no DVD , just bath and bed . They shouted , they cried , they begged to be able to watch a DVD . I said no . They cried some more . They ran around upstairs , naked , refusing to listen to me , yet not understanding why they weren 't getting any treats . I put them to bed and they were still making demands . There was no way I could back down as I needed to show them I was in charge ( I don 't think I believed that any more than they did ) . As a parent I am expected to help shape my children 's future . I should help them to develop skills and a good understanding of how to deal with the world around them . I have tried my hardest to do a decent job with this . I 've tried to instil a sense of what is right and wrong , encouraged them to respect other people and their views and opinions , enforced good manners and politeness , all while allowing them to build their confidence and develop independence . I didn 't realise that my children would change who I am . I have always been a bit apathetic . I 've never really had much interest in anything that involved politics , religion , sport . . . . I was always happy to just coast through life , not worrying about much and not having any strong opinions of my own . That was until I had children . I started to realise that everything is political ; my children 's schooling , healthcare , our family finances . I had to start caring about what was going on in the world as it affected almost every part of our lives . Even my religious beliefs have been tested as children have absolutely no boundaries in their questioning . In school they are told about Adam and Eve . When they asked me about this I tried to explain the concept of Evolution while trying to be very diplomatic and saying that different people believe in different theories . Evolution is not that easy to explain to four and five year olds , but I gave it a shot . I don 't think they really got it ! Whether they did or not doesn 't really matter , I 'm just trying to educate them ; to provide them with all the information that they need to make their own minds up . Having children has changed me in ways I had never thought about . I have never really understood sport . When I was younger I liked watching gymnastics and ice - skating on TV ; I was a member of a netball team and a cross country running squad many moons ago , and I even did a bit of ballet dancing . As I got older I lost interest in watching sport on TV and didn 't do anything myself . I 'm not that active , preferring to drive most places and only dabbling in the occasional bit of exercise when I put on a few pounds . I had never bothered to watch the Olympics as it never interested me . Again , children has changed all that as I want to show my children what is happening in the world . I took them to see the Olympic torch when it passed in a nearby town and I was so excited . I felt very proud and extremely patriotic . This was quite a new feeling for me , but seeing my boys excitement was priceless . My oldest son had written a letter to Tim Baillie & Etienne Stott as part of a school project and they had replied and sent a photograph . The school had also arranged for an Olympic torch to be shown to the children , so anything to do with the Olympics was huge for my boys . I still never thought that I would actually sit down and watch the sports on TV . Yet , every spare bit of time I get I find myself looking to see what sports I can watch . I love to show the boys what they could do when they grow up . They are both learning to swim so it was great to show them the swimmers and tell them that if they keep practising then they could be just as good one day . I even watched a BMX race today as my oldest has just leant to ride a bike so this was very appropriate . Then tonight I got obsessed with the men 's diving because it 's just edge of your seat stuff ( nothing to do with fit , muscular bodies , honest ) . I 'm gutted now that I didn 't get any tickets to actually take them to watch some of the Olympics live . I want my boys to see that there 's a big wide world out there and they can do anything they want if they work hard . There are so many options open to them and I will try to give them all the opportunities they need to decide which is best for them . For this reason I 've decided to spend the rest of my evening eating junk food and watching reality TV to cheer myself up but I knew I had to write a post first to make sure I get my new shoes at he end of the month . So for today I 'm going to post my favourite photos from the day . Because even with everything that went wrong , the boys still had fun . I 've been looking through some old photos and reminiscing about times gone by . My boys are growing up so quickly and I find it 's so easy to forget what they were like when they were small . There 's only 17 months between my oldest two boys and all they seem to do these days is fight . They are also inseparable and it 's very much a love / hate relationship . They look the same , they laugh at the same things , but they are also worlds apart in their personalities . When they were little I was quite stressed and suffering with my phobia and I felt like everything was a struggle . Looking back at photos from that time brings a mix of emotions as I remember feeling scared and exhausted yet besotted with my boys . I remember being sat with one either side of me , both wanting cuddles . I can 't remember what they were like with each other . I suppose this s the reason we take lots of photographs of our children . I found this photo , memories come flooding back , and my heart melts . As they get older they think it 's ' uncool ' to show that they love each other , but I know from their laughter when they 're together that they 'll always be best friends . Though now they 've got another brother to add to the mix and nothing makes me happier than when I watch them all play and laugh together . I hope that nothing ever breaks their bond . When I walk into most children 's clothing store I get really frustrated with the limited choice of boys clothes , and this is usually emphasised by the pure abundance of clothes for girls . I don 't really get it . I want to dress my boys well and make them look good but some clothes shops seem to think that all boys want are jeans and blue t - shirts . Thankfully , this isn 't the case everywhere . I love that I can walk into a clothes shop such as Next and see a huge array of boys clothes in all colours and designs spread out before me . So when I discovered that All Baby Advice were running a competition to win £ 500 to spend at Next I had to give it a go . Zac is 6 years old and has just started to become interested in fashion . He is quite small and clothes always seem to look great on him . His favourite hobby is playing computer games and he loves anything red . I have chosen a pair of Belted Indigo Skinny Jeans as the skinny fit works best with his shape , and he also really need a belt to hold his jeans up ! I have paired these with the fantastic Grey Stone Roses T - shirt . As soon as I saw this I knew I had to get it for him . Firstly , the song title named on the t - shirt " I wanna be adored " is so apt for Zac . As my first born he has got a bit of a superiority complex ( I refuse to take any responsibility for this ! ) The song could have been written for him . Also , my other half is currently reliving his youth and is off to see The Stone Roses on the weekend so I know he would absolutely love to see Zac in this ( plus I must admit I think it 's really cool ) . I have added a Navy Angry Birds Hoody to satisfy his need for anything gaming related and to add a bit of fun . This outfit is then finished off with the Lace - Up Shoes in red and the Red Nylon Jacket simply because red is his favourite colour . Altogether a cool outfit for my cool dude and all for just £ 80 . Ethan is 4 years old is very different to Zac even though he looks up to him in lots of ways . He is a stockier build , loves anything green and is obsessed with dinosaurs . He 's not very interested in clothes and all he wants is to feel comfortable . For him I have chosen these Grey Rib Waist Roll Leg Trousers . He isn 't keen on denim as he says it irritates him so would much prefer these soft trousers . Also , he would feel much more confident being out and about in them as he can pull them up and down himself ( he 's not very good with buttons yet ) . I have added the Dinosaur Badge Polo Shirt in green because , as I 've already said , green is his favourite colour and he will love the dinosaur motif . I 'm continuing the dinosaur theme with the Navy Dino Hoody and I 've finished Ethan 's outfit off with Grey Retro Trainers and a Hooded Nylon Jacket in green . I think this is a lovely outfit for a dinosaur mad boy and the whole thing costs only £ 68 in his size . My last outfit is for 20 month old Oliver . He couldn 't care less about what he 's wearing but I love this as , unlike with the other two , it means there 's no arguments about what I 've picked out for him to wear . He is busy and noisy and adores his big brothers . He loves Mickey Mouse and kicking balls around . He is a happy , smiley little boy and I love to see him in bright colours as they suit his personality . I have chosen a pair of Mid Badge Jogger Jeans for him as they 've got a ribbed waist which will make it easy to get them off for those many nappy changes , and also ribbed leg cuffs which I think is vital at this stage as it avoids the ' tripping over the trouser leg ' problem when he 's toddling around . I 've added this Little But Loud T - Shirt as this is exactly what he is ! This Blue Stripe Zip Hoody will keep him warm while still looking cute and then I 've added Grey Character Shoes and this Yellow Transport Print Cagoule which will add a fantastic splash of colour on grey , rainy days . This outfit will suit his cheeky personality and I know will be very hard wearing , as all Next clothes are . It is great value for money at £ 60 . So there 's my three gorgeous boys styled in outfits that would be perfect for them and I have only spent £ 208 so I would still be able to buy lots more . I have started adding more items that I love onto my Pinterest board which you can see here . It 's my virtual shopping list for my boys . We took the boys to Castell Coch today ( Welsh for Red Castle ) Even though it 's not far from where we live , I haven 't been there since I was a little girl and every time I pass it I want to go inside . Especially at night as it 's all lit up so it actually looks red ( the link I 've included shows a picture of this ) . It 's not a real castle , though it is built on the foundations of one , but it is the most magical , fairytale building I have ever seen . Another reason I wanted to take the boys there was to take them on a ' dragon hunt ' . I 'd read about an amazing sculpture trail for children which includes a treasure chest , a fairy tree house and a scary dragon . The boys were so excited . Here 's our day in pictures . . . . . The inside of the castle is just as amazing as the outside , with walls and ceilings painted with intricate drawings of animals and birds . I 'd forgotten how pretty it was . The boys were amazed to find a bedroom at the top of a turret , with all the furniture completely intact . After we 'd examined every inch of the castle , with me having palpitations every time they walked down a steep , stone staircase without holding on , we went out into the grounds for a picnic . It was bliss just lying on the grass on a beautiful Spring day . When everyone had eaten their fill we went off to find the dragon . Now , this was something I hadn 't done before so I had no idea where to look . I had to send hubby to look at the map ( my map reading skills are non - existent ) and then off we went on our walk . It was quite a way , and being quite warm plus having to carry the baby most of the way , it wasn 't that easy . But I 'm so glad we did it . Ethan was reciting verses from " We 're Going On a Bear Hunt " ( not exactly accurate we we understood the general idea ! ) It was great fun . We 'd found the treasure at last ! We 'd hunted high and low , crept past defeated a spider , and slayed a dragon . Hooray ! The boys were happy but exhausted and demanding ice - cream ( erm , not a chance in the middle of the woods ) . It was time to go home . My world revolves around my 3 gorgeous boys , though any time I 'm not with them you 'll find me online . I 'm just a tiny bit addicted to social networking . I will review products that I find interesting , and will also do some giveaways . |
I 'm sorry if it 's inconvenient to those of you with only Google accounts . I 'm " moving " for different reasons . At any event , that is the new address . I will not be posting on here anymore . . . you can subscribe on the new blog and receive emails for new posts . . . . Well , due to lack of working USB cords , I wasn 't able to get the pictures into the computer right away . . . So I am sorry they are a little late . But for those of you who were curious as to see what my desk looked like , I posed the following pictures - just for you ! : ) Actually , I 'm not quite sure what an optical illusion is . I have a very faint idea , but I think that hardly counts . My very faint idea is when the mental image is different from the physical image . Is that very far off track ? This afternoon was one of those sleepy ones . The kids were playing outside , and mommy and Chloe had a nap , so the kitchen was really quiet while I was making dinner . But I needed help . I require strange help . . . I found it in a dead person . ( I think I hang out with dead people way too much . ) Dvorak lent me the support of his music , and I helped him along with my cooking . The smells I created inspired his beautiful melodies , and the music he created inspired my food . I realized that we had the same things going on . He was creating something intangible by using so many tangible things . . . Something to hear that agrees with the soul . By a string of notes , woven together , from different instruments , he made his symphony . . . I used spices . . . each one distinct in its taste , and yet when combined together gave one distinct taste that was ( I hope ) appetizing . This was something tangible that was physically appealing . I say a score on the guacamole ! Who doesn 't like it ? Speak up ! : ) My little sister Tirzah hates it . She used to hate it with a passion , but I can 't say she does anymore . She willingly tasted it , and actually liked it ! It made me so happy ! And as a last thought from Genii : April has such a round tone to it . Something sweet and crisp , it describes Spring simply in its name . I love to think of the earth as being old , shriveled up , cold , and dying in the month of February . And the only reason I love that morbid thought , is because come March or April , a miracle occurs in the natural world . I go to bed one night , and I hear the wind moaning outside , making the loose glass panes of my window rattle a little hauntingly . I crawl into my bed , and shiver as I listen to the wind . Outside , I can see the stark branches of the trees black against a dark blue night - sky . My last thought is how I wish Spring would come . The next morning , I can see buds on the trees that weren 't there before . How is it that they could have gotten there overnight ? How did they do it ? Over the next few weeks , the buds swell , and eventually burst in a vibrant array of green . This is not the only change . Stubborn shoots are pushing through the cold hard ground , growing , ever climbing to meet the sun . The delicate snowdrop , followed by the crocus . How is it that so much beauty has burst forth from a cold and dead world ? Of course there are the cycles of Spring , Summer , Autumn , and Winter . But even these cycles are miracles . God somehow wraps this world up in a garment of warmth and beauty . He does much the same with us . There was a time when , in mind and thought , body and spirit , I was the same as the dead , cold world . And yet , it was not final . It was not forever . My case was not without hope . Even as the earth experiences Spring after Winter , so I experienced life after death ( in a spiritual sense . ) Ephesians 2 speaks so beautiful of this transition . " And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked , following the course of this world , following the prince of the power of the air , the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience - among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh , carrying out the desires of the body and the mind , and were by nature children of wrath , like the Told by Alright , so , I think you all know my love for books . And maybe you 've even gotten tired of my talking about it ! Don 't worry - this isn 't a long article about why I think you should read and what I think you should read . This is just about an experience I had with books yesterday . It was the Shaker Heights Library Book Sale . Actually , it 's continuing all weekend , but it started yesterday . Our good friends the Clarkes traveled 2 . 5 hours to come to it . I think we started going three years ago . Anyway , it was marvelous . All the people were stamped , and cramped up waiting in hallways in a huge line that did u - turns and twisty - doos . They had their boxes , their crates , their bags . Here I thought that it might be a nice quiet thing , with people musing over the book selections , thinking about what they wanted to get . But I was quite wrong . The moment we were let in , people rushed to the different tables , and raced through everything , grabbing what they wanted . . . looking for the best . Of course it was necessary for them to do that . . . if one person didn 't do that , then they might not get anything worth while . I passed by the Religion and Philosophy table , and would 've stopped but there were a lot of people there , so I went straight to the Literature and Poetry . ( I went to the first - mentioned table later when everything died down . ) I got a fine little collection of books to add to my library . Here 's my list : The Lorna Doone story is a fun one . I read it two years ago . Actually , I think I got my copy either from Half Price books , or this booksale . It was kinda my prized book . I forget what edition it was , but it had this fancy design on the spine , and was a faded light - teal kinda color . It went inside a faded dessert rose colored case . . . I loved that book . Well , after Peter ( my brother ) left for TX a long time ago . . . somewhere between then and now , he mentioned he didn 't have Lorna Doone . I proudly showed him my copy . ( Peter and I have always been book collectors , and he was always getting the nicest , oldest books . . . so I obviously got excited when I came into possession of one he didn 't have . ) He said : " Oh ! That 's a nice one ! I actually have several other books from that edition . " And in a moment of feeling sacrificial , I wrapped it up and gave it to him for Christmas or his birthday or something . Well . . . Yesterday I found the exact same edition . . . except it has a neutral case , and the color of the book is vibrant teal . It 's in much nicer condition . . . . . haha . I told Peter last night , kinda laughingly , and he said : " Good ! Now we can trade ! " Book wars are fun . : ) But I was thankful that even in this small matter of a book , God gave back to me what I had given away . I wrote my name and the date in each of the books last night . And I smiled too . These books are a part of me now . . . . whether I like them , or not . : P " Why are you cast down , O my soul , and why are you in turmoil within me ? Hope in God , for I will again praise him , my salvation and my God . " Psalm 42 : 5I have been burdened down by the troubles of the world - which is , I suppose , natural considering our fallen state … But lately I have been recognizing things - whether it be flaws in relationships , or the " unfinished - ness " of the talents that I do possess , or the state of our country ( which is very sad . ) And tonight , my heart spun around a few times , and thumped against my body as though it sent a message to my brain , for I immediately thought : " Why are you cast down , O my soul ? " And it amazed me because I 've never actually memorized that verse , but the words hit me right there , and I was led to the Scriptures to find the verse . The entire thing read : " Why are you cast down , O my soul , and why are you in turmoil within me ? Hope in God ; for I will again praise him , my salvation and my God . " That triggered another memory . " Rejoice in the Lord always ; again I will say , Rejoice ! " And I thought : " Why are you cast down , O my soul ? What right have you to complain ? " I put my chin in my hands , and closed my eyes very tight . The words rang in my ears - " Be still , my soul … be still … " And I could not help but think : " Christ has done so much for me … Why are you cast down ? Why do you worry ? Where is your faith ? " My mind reeled put on its brakes and I was jerked to a stop . Where is my faith ? Is my faith placed in the strength and power of men , or my imagination , or even the weather ? Is it placed anywhere except in God ? The thought scares me . It scares me as much as the blue hairy monster with yellow teeth under my bed scared me when I was seven . And I was pretty scared then . If my faith isn 't placed in God , what foundation do I have ? " How firm a foundation , ye saints of the Lord , is laid for your faith in his excellent word ! What more can he say than to you he has said , to you who for refuge to Jesus have fled ! " And yet , if my Ruby Jean Hopkins I am in such a strange mood tonight . I don 't really know why . I was so happy this afternoon . . . Maybe because for once I got enough sleep at night . I 'm too clumsy to dance , and walking is too slow , so I skipped everywhere . Literally . And now I find myself rather . . . what shall we say . . . pensive . Like the air before a storm . Right now I feel as though I ought to go out on the roof and sit in the rain and be very morbid indeed , or laugh and run in a field and think of absolutely nothing at all . You know how in a cheesy part of a movie sometimes there will be a time when the main character walks into a public place full of people , and all of a sudden , there is no sound . It 's like they are there , but they don 't see or hear anything . Well that 's sort of how I feel . Rather distant from everything , lost and obsessed in the realm of my own thought . I think everybody has a time when they feel a little lonely . . . and I 'm feeling a little of that right now . Perhaps because I yearn for the company of somebody to talk to . Or somebody who wouldn 't talk , but who would just sit and enjoy the abstract - ness of it all . Somehow I feel like there would be a conversation in our heads - one we wouldn 't need to voice . Haha . This sounds so strange ! For tonight , my companions have been G . K . Chesterton ( of course ) , and C . S . Lewis and Arthur Pink . Don 't get me wrong , I love them all very much , but there 's something so cheerless about the fact that they 're all dead . I can 't read the wonderful things they 've written , and then ask them : " Why did you say this ? What do you mean by this ? Can we talk about this because I absolutely love the way you 've worded that ? ! " Sometimes I think that I shut myself in my own little thoughtful world way too much . I think that talking to people about my thoughts , or even about the passions that sometimes I want to voice about the green mist that hangs on the trees , or the spring rain , or Chopin won 't interest people the same way like it interests me . I could go on and on , but I don 't want to go on to someone who doesn 't feel as deeply about it as I do , and because of that , I 'm afraid to tell anybody . I bottle things up way too much . This blog is such a help with that , but there 's always things that you shouldn 't post on blogs . It causes too much trouble . I love people . I love talking to people , but when people say : " Enough about me ! What about you ? " I 'll immediately want to talk about the red stripes in the curtain . Or I 'll say something like : " Oh , I 've been well . I did such and such a thing and will do such and such a thing and I 've been reading and writing etc . " But that 's all I 'll say , and they seem satisfied which makes me very dissatisfied because I want to say so much more . I think : " When I look around at the life I live , I wouldn 't notice much change , even if there has been significant change . I live so much in my thought , that there is where I find every change and every progression . Everything I see , hear , smell , feel . . . it is turned over in this world of thought . It is analyzed , torn apart and applied to various things , and fed by perhaps a saying of some great thinker or writer . And yet , when I talk to people , I am suddenly jerked out of that world into another reality , and I hardly know what to do with myself . " So I say stupid stuff like : " Yeah , life is good . . . . " when I would rather say : " I absolutely love the stars . Can you imagine a sky without stars ? A sky without stars would be like a song that lacks melody . Stars add so much to the world , and yet we take them for granted every day . Each of them is a burning globe in space , and to us they seem like harmless little butterflies . I want to look at the stars all the time . And the moon ! Look , there he sits like an emperor on his silver throne ! His light may be pale , but his milky white face with what looks like shadows makes up for it . The moon is like a king , and the stars are his subjects . The sky is his land . He does not concern himself with the earth . He and the stars spin a beautiful melody , one that is too beautiful for the human ear to hear . It 's intangible , it 's unheard but they don 't make it for us . Perhaps that 's why they don 't care whether or not we hear it . I really am for a life where one sleeps during the day , and stays awake at night . Night is the time to be awake . And yet . . . it is the time to be asleep . Must we sleep when so much beauty lies awake ? " I would much rather say something like that . Because that is what I 'm thinking . Sometimes I really do think silly stuff , like who invented the name of a cleaning product , and what gave them the inspiration for that name . Who were they , and where were they . I do wonder things like that , and it 's extremely odd . But I don 't say things like what I said up there . I never do that . Why ? I 'm not sure . I can never bring myself to do it when I most want to . I 'm not sure whether that 's a good thing or not ? Ah well . Anyways , that 's my ramble for the evening . If you got to the end , I 'm impressed . I imagine it was somewhat boring , and I 'm sorry . I 'm also sorry that it was long . I didn 't mean to write such a long thing , but it felt good to get something out for once . : - ) " Ruby . . . Do you know why you can 't get to heaven in a rocking chair ? Because if you tried , you would just keep going and going and going . . . You would only be in Space . You wouldn 't get to Heaven . You can only get to heaven by Death . . . Dying is the only way , because it 's like Heaven is a whole different world , and death is just the only way . And sometimes I 'm scared of dying , because what if I had a heart - attack . . . it might hurt . I know it wouldn 't hurt for long , because after I died then I 'd go to Heaven . " - Luther , 7 years old . It 's amazing to me to hear him ramble on about what he thinks . He 's got potential to be a great thinker , and I am so excited to see his character and his mind develop ! " The greatest number of mankind beyond comparison are sleeping under ground . There lies beauty mouldering into dust , rotting into stench & loathsomeness , and feeding the vilest worms . There lies the head that once wore a crown … There lie mighty giants , the heroes and conquerors … the Caesars of the world … There lie the wise and learned , as rotten , as helpless as the fool . " It is amazing to me to think about this . . . Everything in this world passes away . Everything dies . Everything decays and disintegrates . It 's depressing and almost sad to think upon . The greatest of men die , and then . . . they 're dead . Dynasties fade . . . . well , the quote says it all . No matter what we do , or how great we are , we return to dust . We rot in our graves . It sounds gross , but hey , it 's what happens . We 're only humans , that 's what we are , and we decay just like everything else . But Christ . . . We have a beautiful mental image here . Christ died the most humiliating death of his time . He was buried . He continued in the state of Death for three days . . . But did his earthly body decay and rot and return to dust ? No ! He was resurrected ! And it 's in this way that he defeated death ! There 's a chapter in Isaiah about God " swallowing up Death forever . " It 's a glorious thought ! If Christ had not been resurrected , then death would still have dominion . ( Not like there was ever a time when Christ DIDN ' T have dominion , but by his blood we are redeemed , and yet what good would it be if he remained dead ? ) Man , I 'm not sure how much sense that makes . . . I 'm getting all confuzzled , so I 'll stop now before I confuse you any further ! ! Would anybody care to share their thoughts ? ? I love to hear other thoughts / ideas , so PLEASE respond because quite frankly you people who read this blog are bad at replying with comments or anything ! : ) When you trust in God . : ) And I know you 've heard me say that a million times , but I 'm telling myself constantly . Constantly . Over . . . and over . . . and over . . . again . . . because it 's something I do so horribly , and forget to do , and don 't want to do . And then there comes the battle of the wills . . . which Paul describes so well in Romans 7 . What I know I should do and don 't , and what I know I shouldn 't do and do . Something like that . . . And when I don 't trust him , then I end up getting all bitter , and I snap at my siblings , and I go around the house all melancholy and when mommy asks me what I 've accomplished that day , I stare blankly because quite frankly I did nothing at all . But when I DO trust him , I experience a very hard crisis , and then I can close my eyes and I think " Be still , and know that I am God . . . " and my soul calms , and I forget everything , and I think : " He knows it all . . . He sees it all . . . He knows exactly what he 's doing . He 's not working for my destruction . It 's all for my good . He is God and who am I ? " And I experience the sweetest bliss because I am put back into my place of the Human , and my knees are bent to the Lord of Heaven and Earth . Anyways . . . That was just a thought I had . As the hymn says . . . " ' Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus , just to take him at his word . . . " He 'll take care of us . He has it all under control . In fact , nothing is OUT of his control - and how comforting is that ? ! When I was oh . . . six or seven years old , I remember sitting around the table with my family on Resurrection Day . We were having a Seder . My father was , of course , explaining to us how this lamb that was roasting in our oven used to be a bleating white fluffy thing prancing around , without a care in the world . And then somebody butchered it , and we bought it . " Just think , " he said , " this used to be living ! " My eyes opened wide , and I thought how cruel we must be to eat the poor thing . " Other relaxations are peculiar to certain times , places and stages of life , but the study of letters [ books ] is the nourishment of our youth , and the joy of our old age . They throw an additional splendor on prosperity , and are the resource and consolation of adversity ; they delight at home , and are no embarrassment abroad ; in short , they are company to us at night , our fellow travelers on a journey , and attendants in our rural recesses . " - Cicero I think it is a very good thing to read . . . It develops our minds . . . sort of shapes them into something more defined . It allows us to see through a pin - hole the life of an Age before ours , it gives us a glimpse into the mind of man . It allows us to see what others have thought before us . The words are not just printed on the page , they are not just words . . . they mean something . Each one of them . And I don 't mean a dictionary - definition - meaning - of - the - word meaning . . . I mean something that has to be found . Something you must look for . Sometimes it is plainer than others . Ever thought fairy tales were stupid ? I thought they were completely meaningless . But the day came when I felt a little stupid for saying so , and a little better for knowing the truth , because I found that there is something to be learned from each fairy tale . Though simple in its flow , you can see the deeper meaning . Take Beauty and the Beast . . . " love means loving the unloveable . " ( Chesterton . ) Even Jack and the Beanstalk , there is good versus evil , there is courage and bravery involved . In every fairy tale you are sure to find a battle of good and evil , and in some of the most popular , good always prevails . Isn 't there something in that ? Each book has a meaning behind it . As ridiculous as it may seem , the author had a thought when he / she wrote it . We shouldn 't read merely to enjoy the story they put forth , but we should read to find the thoughts behind the story . There very well may be a good lesson to learn , a little piece of information to store away . Something to remember , and respect . And yet , we must be so careful of what we read and how we read it . It is not good to say that every book in the world must be read , and I am not here to condemn the things that people read , when I have not read them . A few of the books I have read have left me sorry that I read them at the end . I read Gulliver 's Travels , and I cannot say that I liked it , but I was glad I read it because it taught me something . I read another book and I wished I hadn 't read it because apart from the fact that it was an awful plot , I learned absolutely nothing from it . I felt sorry for the characters , I felt sorry for the author . Although , then , I was not thinking so much about finding the meaning . However , I don 't really want to read the six hundred pages again . I say we must be careful what we read because we cannot spend all of our time reading , and if we do read , why not read the good stuff ? I say there is meaning behind everything , and I do believe that there is . . . Even in the Arthur books there might be something like : " being nice is a good thing , and we should share with our friends . " And though that is true , does that mean that we should read these books all the time ? But perhaps there may be a better something to read . Some philosopher may have written about why being nice is a good thing , and what made it good , and by what standard good is defined by . They might have explained the thought behind the reason that we should share with our friends . They might have explained why we must think of others as better than ourselves . And they probably go much deeper than that . A child cannot be expected at a young age to understand this , and perhaps that is why they read Arthur and are perfectly fine with the meaning they are given . But as we get older , our understanding has hopefully developed , and we start asking " How is that good ? What makes it good ? Why are they given the right to say it is good ? What makes them think it is good ? " etc . Perhaps there is a specific book that shapes the questions you asks , and gives an answer . Perhaps not . Maybe it takes three or four authors like Lewis Carroll , Aristotle , Jonathan Swift and J . K . Rowling to answer one question , but perhaps it may take only Plutarch to answer another . It might be direct , it might be a revelation that you had while reading something they wrote . I am not saying that all books are bad , but it is perhaps necessary to choose carefully what you should read . It doesn 't mean you need to read only Greek philosophies , or only Classical Literary authors such as Charles Dickens and Jane Austen . . . in fact , my point is that it might be beneficial to avoid that . To have variety to what you read . . . A blend of authors . You may say that C . S . Lewis made such and such a point but then you read that Plato made the opposite poiGod is truth . God must be truth , because we prove ourselves every day to be irrational , irregular , and wicked . Truth must come from Perfection , otherwise it might be tainted , and then it wouldn 't be Truth . God 's Truth is revealed in the Scriptures , and it is through the Scriptures that we might discover that both Lewis and Plato were wrong . Oh , and I should say this , I don 't even know if Lewis made a point that Plato rejected . . . . and I am totally messed up in my time frame here . . . it should be Lewis who rejected the point Plato made . : P Anyway , I don 't know if that happened , I 'm just making things up here . But it may very well be , and I want to find out now . People have their tastes , their likes and dislikes with regard to reading . If I could , I would read only what I want to , and then I would have a poorly developed mind . My mind is hardly developed yet . . . I think of all my ideas and thoughts that come from reading as rather . . . uh . . raw . But I do so enjoy it , and I don 't want to stop , and it is the passion I have for thinking and finding these things in books that moves me to read things that I wouldn 't normally pick up on a Tuesday at 3 : 45 PM . I am grateful for the ideas expressed in books , and I am ever ever so thankful that I can know that they are right or wrong by weighing them against Scripture . Most times I can 't know on my own . It takes many deep conversations with different people , finding out their opinions and what they think , their ideas etc to find that a certain thing expressed in a book is right or wrong . Sometimes I know right away because of certain Biblical truths grounded into my head , and I can recognize whether it is right or wrong . But sometimes it takes awhile . Okay , those are my thoughts for the . . . month . : P Oh , one more thing . My mother told me that books without evil in it are . . . evil . Because novels especially are a reflection of the world , and when there is no evil , that is a reflection of our world without evil in it . It completely loses the need for redemption , as though Man has no need for it . I thought this was a very interesting point , and something definitely worth thinking about . I do agree with what she has said , and I 'm glad that she told me because I probably wouldn 't have thought of it . : ) I was just thinking about Olivia 's birth today . . . When mommy got home from the hospital , we had all been watching " Rudy " . . . which , today , I could only tell you was about football . We were nearing the end when they pulled in the driveway , and to this day , no one has seen the last scene and a half of that movie . It was a nice day . . . October 3rd . And I remember not being able to wait for my turn to hold her , and when it finally came , I cried because I was so happy . I loved babies . . . I still do , and I couldn 't believe that I was holding my little darling sister . Chloe and I would lay Olivia on our bed when she was still days old , and we 'd dress her in her little pajamas , and then we 'd just smell her . . . There 's something gloriously mysterious about the way a baby smells . : ) Anyways . . . that was then . This is now . I am not quite sure what the entire thing means , but I can sense what he 's talking about . . . If that makes any sense at all . Whenever I look at the sun when it hangs like a burning globe in the sky in the evening or the morning , I immediately think of this passage . . . and this passage makes me think of the beauty of the earth , and if the earth is this beautiful , how much more so our Creator ? I am back from . . . Lewisburg Pennsylvania . I had a marvelous time . Lewisburg is nestled in the mountains . I don 't know what the mountains are called , but the sweet refreshing air was so . . . um . . . refreshing . And it 's the kind of town where you drive ten minutes in any direction and you 'll most likely be in the country or something . It was so lovely . At night , I could look out the window and actually see a star - filled sky . I might be able to see five in Cleveland . Oh , and I saw the big dipper for the first time in my life . And I could see the mountains from the window . Altogether , it was a refreshing , calming visit . . . oh , I was visiting my grandma . I thought you should all know that it is raining right now . Real raindrops from the sky ! I woke up , and I heard the rain on my roof , and I felt a thrill run through my body . I 'm sorry that y ' all have to put up with my . . . uh . . . oddities , because I know that I have written about the rain over and over again on here , and you have had to read it . But where else would I ramble ? I 've loved it ever since I can remember . When I was extremely little , I used to say it rained because God was crying . But then I learned the moisture rises and forms clouds and the clouds drop the rain or something like that . . . but it 's still fascinating to me to watch the rain . " The sober person lives deeply . His pleasures are not primarily those of the senses , like the pleasures of the drunkard , for instance , but those of the soul . He is by no means a stoic , on the contrary , with a full measure of joyful anticipation he looks forward to the return of the Lord but he doesn 't run away from his task . " ~ William Hendrickson You probably won 't hear from me for a week or two . I don 't know why I 'm warning you , but I thought I would anyways , because I have a whole bunch of random pictures that I wanted to do as a last post . You know , in case I get killed or something . Spring is coming , by the way . Today was in the 60 's . I hope everybody got out to get their Vitamin D . I stayed inside and cleaned my room . . . but the windows were still open . This is my daddy . My daddy paints houses . . . sometimes . He paints them in his sleeveless Pittsburgh sweatshirt . And he gets cuts on his forehead . : ( He looks like a hard working man . : D He IS . This has a cute story . We knew that this young man was going to do something very important . . . because he walked in the bus station . He stood against the wall . He checked his watch . He walked in circles . He sat down . He stood up . He looked out the window . He checked his watch . Etc . He was carrying a small leatherbound book or journal , and half a dozen pink roses . Think me crazy , but it was so sweet I had to get a picture of him . . . and try to do it while he wasn 't looking . He was waiting for a very special person . It was sweet when she got out of the bus . We do the same sort of routine when we go to the cemetery . We always go to see this statue , because it 's one of our favorites . And Chloe and I sit there and dream . And we have a contest . . . whoever gets to the pillars last has to be Samson . Since I was the designated photographer ( bad choice ) and since I was so enraptured by the . . . uh . . . graves . . . I was the last one . Oh well . I didn 't even try that hard to break the pillars , as you can see . I miss him . He 's been visiting Nana for a week . I miss all his little theological remarks and questions . . . He used to bounce on my stomach as a baby as hard as he could saying : " Doctrine , doctrine ! " Ever since I was a little girl , I always dreamed of having my own desk . I dreamed of doing my math at it . Maybe the desk would help math be more interesting , because to me , a desk was absolutely romantic and idyllic . But I never really got a desk . It remained as a sort of childish dream . And a few days ago , when mommy and daddy said they thought I needed a desk , I grinned and smiled like a baby . The desk that I was to have belonged to my great uncle when he was young . It was an old - fashioned roll - top desk that had three drawers on the side , a draw inside , and a drawer " beneath " so to speak . I . was . so . excited . And I got that desk ! My aunt and uncle were kind enough to bring it when they came to visit . It has a little chair , and it 's just perfect ! It 's not big , but I feel so nice and cozy when I sit down at it . And the thing I love about it is that it belonged to my Nana 's brother , that it 's old and old fashioned , and that it 's not perfect in its appearance . This is my little idyllic desk ! I just had to tell you all that , because I am so excited to have a desk to do stuff at ! I can hardly wait to fix up the corner of my room where it 's going to go , and put stuff in it . . . and . . . : D I 'm happy . God is so good . Even though he 's made me wait a few years for this desk . : D If nothing else , these words should humble us . We are constantly straying , and yet God is always merciful to his beloved . . . such wretches as we are , we don 't deserve such mercy and kindness ! It should make us bow our heads in submission . . . That he can be so perfect , and we cannot be anything but sinful . . . and yet , we are cleansed by this perfect God , that we may dwell with him in eternity . I has been thinking . And yes , I know that is bad grammar . I am in a sensational mood . I do really love tea , and my lovely brother just made me some . That , combined with a sort of somnolence that seems to hang over me like a shroud puts me in a rather odd mood . And I start asking questions . Questions that I know the answer to , but that I like to ask anyways . . . Because , in a rather odd way , it makes me rethink the whole philosophy , and then that makes me ask more questions . It 's rather bothersome , sometimes , but that 's alright . I don 't mind today . Today , I think the weather is affecting me . It 's so cold , it 's so grey , it 's so bleak , it 's so hard . . . and so white . It makes me passive , like it doesn 't matter what happens . I have the mindset : " Who cares ? It 's cold anyways . " As if that will answer every question . But it won 't . And I found myself asking . . . How do we find out our " brain " capacity before it 's too late ? This is a very me question . In other words , I want to know how much my brain can tolerate before it explodes . I really don 't know . The only thing I know how to do is to trust God . I know that courage comes from God , not man . I know that wisdom from my own heart is bound to be deceitful , but I know that God will guide me to make the right decisions , and that the wisdom comes from him . In fact , I know that nothing comes from myself , but everything comes from him . He satisfies every need , he fills every gap , every chasm in our soul . He binds up our brokenness . Think about that . We don 't need anything , but Him . He satisfies our every need . . . He fulfills our every desire . . . And it 's not by giving us what we want , it 's by showing us what we need , and that is himself . With regards to school , this constant studying that I must do in order to graduate absolutely horrifies me . Not that I hate it , but it makes me ever so tired to think about . I wish that there weren 't any set time for graduation , but that I could always be learning at a leisurely level , through all the years . . . . but that 's the catch . If it pleases God for me to get married , and have a family , I probably won 't have time to study like that . That 's why I have only 2 . 5 years to finish all this school . I know I have to finished it because , even though I don 't know if I 'm going to get married or not , I have no idea what my life holds , and I need to try and be prepared for whatever it is . So that 's how I know to persevere with my studies . But how high of a level should I try and reach for ? And I know that the title of this post has next to nothing to do with the actual post , but it was random , like my mood . Thanks for reading . : D Leave your comments , please . : ) Today started out like any normal day . I woke up , saw the snow with a bit of dismay , and with a greater dismay realized what time it was . Then I went back to sleep . That is how my normal day starts . And then my five year old sister comes up carrying one of my mom 's delicious strawberry shakes . . . " Ruby , do you want this now ? Oatmeal is on the table . " And I felt a pang of guilt . A sixteen year old girl who stays up late and gets up late does not deserve a strawberry shake . But then , do we deserve anything but death ? So , I went downstairs and had breakfast . I read for a few hours . That 's not uncommon . I was reading Robert Louis Stevenson 's The Black Arrow ( highly recommended . ) And then I did my math . After which my mother informed me I was going to help her in the kitchen . I was told to reorganize the tupperware cabinet , and the pantry . Then we started making bread . Mother first made her sourdough starter , which has to sit for seven days , each day having more rye and water added to it . Something like that . And then we started making our basic bread recipe . And mother said something about how she had gotten " that mozzarella cheese for pizza . " I had been cutting up pineapple . Because I love pineapple . And I said : " Mommy ! Can we have pizza tonight ? ? " And she said , " sure , why not ? " so she changed her bread into pizza dough , and we looked through the refrigerator to see what we could find . After the dough had been baked in shape , we rubbed olive oil on the surface . Next , I placed a few slices of fresh mozzarella cheese ( not the stuff mom got for pizza ) and some bright red tomatoes . Then I sprinkles some basil on top of this , and some freshly chopped garlic . Mother sauteed mushrooms in lots of butter , so I put some of that on , and then bright green broccoli . Then I remembered that we had apple sausage in the refrigerator , so we chopped that up , sauteed it , and threw that on . Man , it was good . So , that 's my post for today . You should make this pizza . It was amazing . Mom and I went on to make another pizza with broccoli , pineapple , sausage , cheese , basil , garlic and mushrooms . They were GOOD ! : D So , I know that I 've posted this before . . . I know I 've posted a lot of things before that I post again , but I can 't help it ! When I feel like it applies so well , I just have to use it again . So , without further ado . . . Eagerly anticipating my favorite season , Spring , being so near at hand . . . and yet with everything still bare and dreary , here is a passage from Robinson Crusoe which fairly describes my attitude towards the weather . : ) I really want Spring . Really really bad . The snow is pretty and everything , but I love hearing the rain on my roof , and think of it cleansing the earth . . . and I love to think of the earth coming alive . . . and I love to watch the green tint on the trees when the buds are finally on the trees , but haven 't fully developed into . . . uh . . . leaves . And I love to feel the warm breeze on my face , and I love to wake up to the birds singing , and I love to hear the thunder , and . . . I just love everything about Spring . It 's the season of new birth . . . if you think about it . Everything is cold , and dead , and hard . And then in Spring , everything turns warm . . . everything is alive . . . everything is warm . : ) Spring will come . . . I 'm trying to wait patiently . . . but the " absence of it is insupportable . " I 've been thinking a lot about Scotland . I wish I remembered more of what I felt when I was there . It was so beautiful , so rugged . . . and the hills looked as if they said - " You don 't belong here ! What do you know of us or our history , the history of this land ? " - at first glance . . . If mountains could mock , these mountains certainly did . But I came to love them . I didn 't understand the land , and I didn 't pretend to . . . But I knew that I was drawn to it by something I couldn 't quite place . I loved the mountains in spite of their austere nature , and everything about the land . The vibrant heather against the green , the green against the deep , cloudy sky . . . Everything contrasted so highly , and everything blending so beautifully . In short , I believe I rather fell in love . And I remember feeling rather listless when we boarded the train for London . I remember thinking : " Why must I leave ? Can 't I stay here forever ? Can 't I wander on these roads , wander in the highlands , live among the heather , among the sheep . . . Why must I leave ? " All good things come to an end . Except for the best thing of all - too good for our finite minds to comprehend . . . God never comes to an end . He is forever . Ever since I went to Scotland , I have been gripped by a kind a nostalgia . . . The mountains couldn 't care less if I came or went , the land seemed to say : " thousands come to see this . . . we are here merely for a show . " How I wanted to live amongst the people , to learn about the land , to discover , explore , and become part of it ! It was so beautiful . . . The most beautiful I 've ever seen . Whenever I think of Scotland I am accompanied by a wild , beautiful excitement . This is the most beautiful land I had seen . Then I saw , that I was willing to give up a lot . . . a lot . . . to fulfill this dream of actually living in Scotland . Now as I 'm thinking about this , I can 't help remembering the most beautiful thing I saw when I was there . We were standing high on a cliff , where Flora MacDonald was buried . The graves were old and weatherbeaten . The sea was gray and stormy . The sky was dark , as if it was ready for a storm . . . yet it had been that way all day . We could see the cliffs all around , the inlets , the waves crashing against the barren rocks . And then . . . . through that gray , gray sky , there came light , filtering through and resting on an inlet . It was the most beautiful thing . I was so captured by this lovely image . All around was dark and stormy , and yet the light rested there on the calm water . . . There was no break in the clouds , and yet there was the light , soft yet strong . I was blessed to get a picture of it . " Have I been so willing to give up so much to follow Christ ? Is following Christ more important to me than fulfilling my dream of someday returning to Scotland , to spend as much time there as possible ? " Scotland requires me to give up a lot . God requires me to give up all . And all includes that dream of Scotland . Yes , I am willing to remain with this euphoric nostalgia of that beautiful country , being content with that . I am willing never to go there again , if that is what God 's will is . Because God is more important to me than a country that will pass away . And as beautiful as it is , it will never be as beautiful as God 's grace , or as glorious as he himself is , clothed in holiness and righteousness . This is beauty . But there was a time when I was unsure . For awhile I wondered to myself whether or not Scotland had become more important . I might be reluctant to give up a few things to follow Christ , but I could certainly think of nothing I was reluctant to give up right then and there to go to Scotland . Just being there would be reward enough for all I had given up . But I deserve no reward . I would have given up a lot , but it was never mine to give up . Everything I own is a gift from my Father . . . everything I have is from him . Nothing truly belongs to me . And soon , I will die , and the image of Scotland will be unimportant . It would pass , just like everything else . I will die , and it will be gone . Should I give up everything for something that I can only enjoy in this present life - and have no memory of in after - life ? What about God ? This life may be full of suffering . . . full of sorrow . . . full of trials and tribulations , but we can find beauty and joy in Christ . He gives us light , just like the light coming through the dark clouds on the water . And through his strength , we can be a light in a dark place . If we give up everything - our passions , our desires , our relationships - EVERYTHING , and follow Christ , think of what we will gain afterwords - an eternity with our King ! Isn 't that absolutely glorious ? ? For a moment , it lifts me above everything , I forget that I 'm human . . . I forget that I am . . . and I close my eyes and repeat those lines to myself , and I feel like I exist in a sphere of perfect sublimity . . . Well , okay that 's going too far . But it surges my inspiration and makes me wild with delight when I read it . And then I come back to reality . . . . because I see a few verses later . . . " O my cousin , shallow - hearted ! O my Amy , mine no more ! O the dreary , dreary moorland ! O the barren , barren shore ! " " Lying in bed would be an altogether supreme experience if only one had a colored pencil long enough to draw on the ceiling with . " - G . K . Chesterton The greatest number of mankind beyond comparison are sleeping under ground . There lies beauty mouldering into dust , rotting into stench & loathsomeness , and feeding the vilest worms . There lies the head that once wore a crown … There lie mighty giants , the heroes and conquerors … the Caesars of the world … There lie the wise and learned , as rotten , as helpless as the fool . The apprehension of God 's infinite knowledge should fill the Christian with adoration . The whole of my life stood open to his view from the beginning . He foresaw my every fall , my every sin , my every backsliding ; yet , nevertheless , fixed his heart upon me . Oh , how the realization of this should bow me in wonder and worship before him ! |
This is Hannah . She 's our little miracle . She may never understand how big of a role she plays in Hope Station 's story , but it will always be true . Some of you may remember that in June of 2016 , I ( Rebekah ) sat down with the orphanage Director and a colleague to talk about a new therapy program . She was surprisingly open to our ideas and asked lots of questions . My colleague and I felt good about where things ended , with her approval to let us try out our therapy program ( victory ! ) . But we still hadn 't signed any papers , and with all the past no 's we 'd received , I was hesitant to get my hopes up . To my surprise , she followed us out of her office and downstairs to sit with the kids and continue chatting . As we sat there together with the children , she asked us a question I 'll never forget : " This girl , " and she pointed to a child sitting near us , " She 's never been diagnosed , and we don 't know what to do with her . Can you help her ? " It was the first time that she 'd ever asked us for help with anything . It took everything within me not to jump up and scream , " Yes ! " Keep it together , Rebekah . Maintain a professional attitude . I let my Chinese colleague field the question , and she answered with a calm and positive approach . " Of course , we 're willing to try everything we can . What are her biggest challenges ? " At our next visit , the Director signed the therapy program agreement , and the girl that she asked us about is our very first therapy participant . We call her Hannah , which means favor and grace . Every time I see Hannah , I am reminded of that day , and the favor and grace we received both from our Father and from the orphanage . Just as He was faithful to answer Hannah 's prayers for a son in the Old Testament , He has been faithful to answer ours as well . The story of fulfilled promises doesn 't end there . . . I 've been doing therapy with Hannah for 6 months now . We play a lot , explore a lot , run a lot , and eat a lot . I learned a lot about her lack of communication skills and dGuanxi Moments Part 1 : The Director If you 've ever studied another language , you know that translation is not always as simple as it seems . The phrase " Lost in Translation " becomes very real when you start learning a new language . There is a Chinese word that the Chinese people use often , but it doesn 't have a very good English equivalent . The word is guanxi 关系 。 It often gets translated as relationship , or what I think is even closer , rapport ( I know , you 're wondering if that 's even English ) . The problem with translating this word guanxi is that it is such a cultural concept . Guanxi represents something that American culture doesn 't have . In China , relationships are everything . " You scratch my back , I 'll scratch yours . " When you move into a new apartment here , its a good idea to get to know the gate guards right away . Ask them about their kids , their hometown , give them an apple as you come home from the market . Eventually , you 'll need something from them , information or a favor , or help with some task . Never mind that you 're paying a fee every month to the apartment complex for their services … Rather , because of the relationship you 've built with them , they feel a responsibility towards you . Orphanage Director , Josiah - now - Jay , and Nanny during their final moments together This concept of guanxi is everywhere , especially in business . Knowing someone " on the inside " is the only way to get anything done . Building trust and a history together is everything . Guanxi has been incredibly important as we build a relationship with the orphanage Hope Station serves . We initiated a relationship with them with the intention of serving them , expecting nothing in return except their trust and cooperation . But because of this give - and - take mentality that is built into Chinese culture , it has taken a long time for them to believe that we are simply there to help … we don 't want to exploit the children , we don 't want money , we don 't want to build up our reputation at their expense . We 've been visiting this orphanage since Hope Station Birthday Bash I don 't know about you , but I remember most of my childhood birthdays with fondness . There was the American Girls party , the princess party , the scavenger hunt party , the Chucky Cheese party . . . I could go on . Birthday parties are special to us for a reason . They make the birthday girl or boy feel loved in a unique way . This past weekend , we had the opportunity to throw a birthday bash for the kiddos at the orphanage . Many of them don 't even know their own birthday , let alone have ever had a birthday celebration . With nearly 50 kids between the ages of 1 and 20 in the place they call home , we figured it was about time they all experienced a birthday party for the first time . We went all out . That morning , with the help of some volunteers from a nearby university , we did all the kids favorite activities : coloring , parachute games , and balloons . No birthday party would be complete without a piñata . . . but those aren 't easy to come by on this side of the world . So we made our own . The kids caught on quickly when we explained that there was candy inside and that they would have to hit it until it burst open . Some of the kids surprised us with their strength . Jackson and Eli , who are both deaf , were especially excited to participate . They didn 't need any further explanation beyond seeing their buddies take a turn hitting it . Everyone got a turn to whack it with the plastic baseball bat , before we had to help out a bit and cut some holes in it . Finally , it broke and the candy fell and the chaos ensued . Shaylee and Ezra were especially smart , stuffing candy in their shirt or pockets for later . Another big part of birthday parties is the gifts . We couldn 't pass up this opportunity . Erin and I had so much fun picking out special gifts for each of the kids individually . We wrapped each one , so that everyone would have a chance to unwrap their own gift . To be honest , we weren 't quite sure how this portion of the party was going to go down . Everything we 've ever brought to the orphanage has been for all the kids to share , or86 Days of Summer I 'm sitting at my desk at home , writing my final blog post of the summer . In all honesty , summer feels so far away . The only thing familiar about the weather right now is that it is raining . The rain must have followed me from Chengdu , and I 'm not complaining about it . Walking into the airport one last time . . . I 've decided I want to do a little BEFORE and AFTER action on this final blog post . If you 've been reading throughout the summer , you may have caught on to some of the progress and growth that the kids accomplished . It still blows my mind , looking back to my first month compared to my last . Let 's check it out : Peter The four babies I grew so very fond of . . . Peter is the youngest , only 3 months old when I arrived . He is now 6 months old and you can see in his face how he is gaining weight and muscle . He smiles so easily and is growing into such a healthy little boy ! Anthony , at 4 months when I arrived , is now 7 months . His size hasn 't changed much , but his awareness of people around him increased noticeably . And he can roll himself over , using both his full arm and his small arm ! Evie is a favorite of the orph nannies , with her roly poly legs . I watched her grow from 6 months to 9 months . She is now holding herself up at the edge of her crib , and sitting up on her own . Maisy , little lady Maisy . Of all the babies , Maisy showed the least improvement . Her emotions tended to be very extreme , from very happy to very distraught in a matter of seconds . She was 1yr old when I arrived and is just a few months older now . She still has jerky neck and spine movements , indicative of a lack of opportunity to stand and walk around , resulting in weak muscles . She is still drinking thick baby food from a bottle , and has a glazed expression most of the time . Please continue to pr * y for Maisy with us . There are so many success stories about the older children , I could write a book . Maybe I will someday . But today , I 'll just highlight a few of my favorites . From the first day at the orph this summer , I knew 7 year old Avery was going to be a joy and a challenge . He is a very smart boy with no special needs who loves being around people . But , he loves himself more . He has no role models in his life , no ever - present adults or older siblings to teach him how to share , be kind , or put others first . I always had to be careful of what I gave to Avery because I knew that if I looked away for one second , he would disappear with whatever I had given him , to go put it under his bed or in a corner . It 's not uncommon for the children to do this , to hoard gifts or toys , because they so rarely have possessions of their own . All summer , I worked patiently with1 Comment Pardon the cheesy title , but it 's true . Tuesday 's orph day was all about gross and fine motor skill development . I 'm so thankful for my year and a half as a Behavior Therapist , which helped me learn how to plan activities that develop gross and fine motor skills AND are fun at the same time ! Let me back up a bit : a couple weeks ago , I walked into a children 's store in my neighborhood . I had spotted a small plastic slide on the sidewalk outside , and finally worked up enough courage to go inside and ask about . In Chinese , of course . Ok , I also practiced ahead of time what to say . The cashier received me graciously ; we talked in circles , me asking questions , her answering , then me confirming what she said . I finally figured out that I could order it that day and they would have it delivered to my apartment the next day . I signed the papers and paid . The next day , I get a call from an unknown number ( that 's always a little nerve wracking , as I don 't know whether to answer in English or Chinese ) . . . It was the delivery guy . I actually understood him and he me , as we made a plan for me to receive the delivery at 2 : 00 . Sure enough , he arrived on the dot . Much to my surprise , the box was HUGE . Taller than the guy , and definitely taller than me . Not only that , but the picture on the outside of the box is not just a slide . It is a slide and swing and basketball hoop . Score . So here I am , in my living room by myself , staring at an unassembled playset in a box , that I am supposed to somehow get all the way to the orphanage , not to mention simply out of my 13th floor apartment . Waiting patiently for all the pieces to be assembled . . . Everyone gathered around to watch the first inaugural swing . Evie got a chance on the slide . Twenty minutes later it was all ready to go ! I 've never seen so many children so happy to go down a 3 foot high slide over and over . And everyone wanted to try the swing , big and small . Let 's talk motor skills : that slide has 4 small stairs which you are required to climb if you want to get to the slide . FoThe line for the slide was continuous throughout the afternoon . Shaylee pushing Ella in the swing . Josiah loving the slide ! He might be a little big , but . . . Moses a . k . a . " Grabby " thoroughly enjoyed the swing . When I returned to the orph after lunch , I had an activity in mind for developing everyone 's fine motor skills : bendy straw necklaces ! The night before , I had cut up 150 bendy straws into 1 inch pieces , to use as beads in making necklaces . I may have mentioned before , craft stores don 't exist here ; so I 've had to get creative with craft supplies , using recyclables and household items . The kids were thrilled about the idea and jumped right in . Surprisingly , there were no fights over materials or colors or space . . . and they all worked so intently on getting each straw piece onto the string by themselves ! I was so proud . Mission Fine Motor Skills Development was a success . Max concentrating so hard . Avery " smiling " for the camera as he models his bling . Avery trying his hand at making a bendy straw necklace . Shaylee showing off her finished product ! A few other precious moments from Tuesday : Rebekah and Charlotte , after she plopped down on my lap . Anthony getting some tummy time . . . . . . and loving it ! Charlotte , our little one who loves to go on walks but rarely gets the chance because she spends most of her time on the toilet , was walking with another guest and walked directly over to me , smiled , and plopped down on my lap . Never before has she done something like that before . It was like she knew me . I melted . Anthony and Peter got in some good tummy time in their cribs ! They were happy as clams , holding up their own heads and looking at everyone around them as they lay on their stomachs . So good . Sleeping Peter . . . . . . and smiling Peter ! I go back again on Saturday , and SARA will be coming with me ! The kids are already excited to see her . . . stay tuned for more smiling faces . The view from my 13th floor apartment Outside a local restaurant One of the streets I walk on my way to take the bus to work . . . I call it " baby street " because it is all baby stores ! The last two months have gone so fast . I can barely believe that I have been here that long , and even more so that I am leaving in a month . Crazy . This is just starting to feel like home . . . For those of you who don 't know , I have been staying in a friend 's apartment while they are gone for the summer . It has been wonderful to have my own space to come home to each day , and to learn about living independently in China on a whole new level . I love my neighborhood , and all the local restaurants and shops . Most neighborhoods in China are like their own little world , each street a strip of shop after shop with everything you need right at your finger tips . My apartment complex is nestled into a little neighborhood just off several main roads , and yet it functions very independently . Buying fruit in my nieghborhood My particular street has six restaurants ( noodles , dumplings , traditional dishes , and soup ) , two veggie shops , a fruit shop , a couple hair dressers , three convenience stores , and a ma jiang ( like poker ) parlor . Right around the corner is a dairy shop where I get eggs and milk and yogurt , and a massage place - - feet only or whole body . The gate guard at my apartment complex and I have a special , uh . . . bond ? We almost never speak , but every time I walk in or out , he is sure to nod and smile in my direction . A few times I have been looking down , and he shouted " Ay ! " to get my attention so we could nod and smile at each other . The lady who owns a convenience store across the street knows that I always get coke zero , and that I like it cold . Of course , my favorite place to frequent is the little ice cream stand , a couple neighborhoods over . Chocolate ice cream , hard packed , in a waffle cone , for less than a dollar . That 's a no brainer . A local street Every day has its own ups and downs . I love that I can get a weeks worth of groceries 0 Comments Liz , Rebekah , Maisy Last week I wrote a few mini bios on three of the kids I 've been working with : Josiah , Max , and Maisy . It was super fun to hear all your responses about them . I agree , they are pretty precious . That being said , I have some unfortunate corrections to make about a couple of the kiddos . Throughout the last month I have been compiling information on each of the kids , including name and age and any special needs . It is a slow process . I do my best to make predictions , then confirm with multiple nannies who work there . Last week I told you that Josiah is 3 years old . He is in fact 4 years old . And Maisy , rather than 6 months old , is 1 year old . I share these facts with you because it really sheds light on the reality of the situation here . Children 's growth patterns and potential for development are really limited by the lack of resources and attention they receive . Maisy is definitely on track with a 6 month old 's healthy development , but definitely not on track with a one year old 's healthy development . At this point she should be standing her own if not walking , and babbling if not saying some words . She is doing neither . She can barely stand on her own holding on to the edge of the crib , let alone take steps in any direction . Her time is limited outside her crib , and the time she does get is usually in a little chair or bouncy seat . No opportunities for her to practice walking . Her vocalizations are limited to laughing and crying ; no cooing or babbling , or pointing to things or waving . What does this tell us ? These kids are getting what some might call the " bare essentials " of life : water , food , shelter , clothing . But I say the bare essentials are so much more than that . The very word LIFE implies that something is thriving and growing . If we want Maisy to thrive and grow , she needs love and attention and comforting arms and tickling fingers and smiling faces and encouraging words and coaxing hands . . . So much more than water , food , shelter , and clothing . Every day I go to the orphanage I am remindA Person 's a Person , No Matter How Small Three . That 's the number of times I 've visited the orphanage in the last couple weeks . Still blows my mind that I have the time and resources to keep going back . Thank you to all of HS 's donors who are making this summer ( and beyond ! ) possible . Whether you have just started following my blog or have been following every post ( hi Mom ! ) , I know that it is impossible to remember details of each kiddo that I talk about . Orphanage days are crazy , and I come home exhausted each time . It 's hard enough for me to keep track of their names and personalities ! So in this post I wanna try something different , to give you a little glimpse of a few of them more closely . MAX . Max is quite the little stunner . His huge , inquisitive eyes melt me with every look . Of all the kids , Max is one of the most calm and reserved . He 's never said a word , but seems to understand a lot more than he lets on . I am always surprised by how interested he is in everything I do , despite his quiet nature . Whether I am making balloon animals , or passing out paper and markers , or even taking selfies with groups of kids on my phone , he is right there in the thick of it . Quiet , but definitely a little extrovert in his own way . I heard him laugh once last week . . . it was surprising and wonderful . I pulled out a new toy , called the Sound Machine . You press buttons on it to make different sounds like clapping , laughing , a drumroll , or a whistle . I let them take turns ( not as easy as it sounds ) pressing the buttons and picking the sounds . The first time Max got to press the button , a little tiny laugh bubbled up out of him . It was the sweetest sound . Without fail , every time he pressed a button , the same little laugh came out . Looking forward to getting to know this little dude even better over the next couple months . Much love little guy . Eat that bread , buddy ! You need all the food you can get ! MAISY . Little lady Maisy . Really , the pictures of little lady do her no justice . She laughs so easily , at any tickle or smile in her direction - - so much so that we first started calling her " happy baby . " Maisy is about 6 months old , and spends most of every day in her crib in the baby room . Every once in a while , she gets to sit up in a roller chair that is put into her crib . Maisy has reached the majority of the developmental milestones that she should have at this point ( yay ! ) , such as rolling from back to front , holding her own head up , and grasping at things she is interested in . And yet , the more time I spend with her , the more I notice the little gaps in that development ; even though she can hold her head up on her own , it is still quite weak and " jerks " up and down when she goes from horizontal to vertical or vice versa . Maisy is definitely a favorite among the nannies . This works in her favor for now , as she needs the attention when she cries or fusses . Nevertheless , she still gets fed a bottle of formula in her crib propped up on blankets , rather than getting bottle fed by a physical person . I was able to give her her bottle yesterday , and hope to do that regularly when I am around . Love you little lady Maisy ! One of many " happy baby " moments ! JOSIAH . For better or worse , the first word that comes to mind for Josiah is SASSY . This kid has so much attitude it is hilarious and horrible all at once . We didn 't even see him the first day we went to the orphanage . So , on the second day we were there , when he came waddling in with enough attitude to capture anyone 's attention , we were quite surprised . He hopped right in next to the kids , took the entire bag of crayons for himself , climbed up ON to the table , grabbed someone 's paper , and sat down to color . Needless to say , he is quite capable of making a scene . At three years old , he is small for his age but makes up for it with his big personality . Emotions come easy for him , happy and sad alike , and being around people is his favorite . When Josiah discovered that we were facepainting , he stuck his little hand right into the middle of the group of kids and said , " Do mine ! " ( in Chinese of course ) . And when we were blowing up long balloons , he got a hold of two of them , walked right up to Liz , handed her one , and started fighting her with his own . I have no doubt Josiah will make waves in this world . My hope for him is that he will use his fire and strength for good , in a community and world that so desperately needs it . Love you buddy . Blown away by the idea of paint on his hands . . . And so it begins . My regular visits to the orphanage this summer began on Tuesday , with my first full day there . We ( myself , my friend Liz , CRDF staff Jerry , and our driver Master Yang ) left Chengdu at the crack of dawn to drive an hour away to a small rural town where HS 's partnering orphanage is located . We arrived around 9am , and ventured in . One of my favorite moments of the day happened right away at the beginning . I led our little troupe in to the room where most of the kids were hanging out , and immediately one of the older girl 's face lit up at me . Take my word for it , she is BEAUTIFUL when she smiles . She was happy to see me . She remembered me . What a wonderful feeling . Shaylee can trace ! Coloring and cuddling ! After a little while , I turned my attention to Charlotte ( click on above right picture to see Charlotte sitting next to me ) . Some of you may have heard her story : she has little to no control over her bladder and bowel movements , so she spends the majority of each day sitting on a bucket with her pants at her ankles , watching the other kids play . Her otherwise perfectly working legs do not get the exercise and movement she needs to grow and move like a healthy little girl , so they are now stiff and weak . I took her by the hands and led her around the hallways and play room just for the sake of movement . Then we sat together in normal chairs , very close to each other , and I held her hand and rubbed her back for a while . We spent an hour and a half with the kids in the playroom , doing activities like coloring , playing with a big inflatable beach ball , eating Lychee fruit , and making balloon animals . Miles really took a liking to Liz ! New and tiny little guy that I got to give a bottle to ! Jerry ( CRDF ) and little lady ! This picture gives no indication to the fact that this little lady laughed with Liz for about 20 minutes straight ! We returned to the orphanage at 1 : 30 , thinking that in the past that was when they let us back in . Apparently , however , the schedule is different in the summer during the ho A note from Rebekah . . . If you 've ever wondered what it would be like to start a nonprofit from the ground up , to open a home for ORPHANS with special needs in CHINA , you 've come to the right place . Come along with me as I stumble through the process and learn along the way . The journey is full of mystery , mistakes , victories , adventure , cultural mishaps , humor , and of course adorable children . It usually ends up being quite the beautiful mess . Know that I appreciate each and every one of my readers ( that 's you ! ) so much . . . Read on ! Rebekah is the Executive Director of Hope Station . She lives in China and spends time at a local orphanage regularly to support the children and nannies there . |
I am not a closet pole dancer . I am very open about it . When I tell some one new what I do , quite often he or she will say , " I can 't ( or couldn 't ) do that " to be followed up with one of the following : I am not sexy , I am not coordinated , I am not strong enough , I am not flexible , I am not that kind of person , I am not etc . . . . Here 's the deal : ANYONE can pole dance . It doesn 't have to be sexy . You don 't have to be strong ( that is why you pole dance - to get stronger ) . You don 't have to be flexible ( if you choose to work on it - this will change ) . You don 't have to have incredible confidence , pole dancing can help with that ( I swear ) . Pole dancing can be whatever you want it to be sexy or athletic , full of tricks or not . Its about YOU . No one else . When I have done a routine with my classes - even though we are doing the same tricks in the same order to the same music each woman looks totally unique . That is awesome . No one else can dance like you - because no one else is you . Stop saying " I can 't " . You can . If you don 't want to or tried it and didn 't like it - - that 's fine . But you can pole dance - everyone can . Posted by Since I was in preschool I have thought I was fat . I looked in the mirror at my ballet class and saw my stomach not be the right shape . I cried and felt awful when my ballet teacher said I wasn 't built for it ( I resolved to change my body and work hard - - I was 8 ) . As time went on I became more displeased with my body . I was angry with it , embarrassed by it , and disgusted by it . So quite naturally I developed an eating disorder . Now that I am in my 30s I still long to be thin - but now I realize that I will not have a slender body . I have a muscular body . I build muscle quickly , and I am finally learning to appreciate this . As a pole dancer , my strength and ability to build muscle come in extremely handy here . When I was a kid and I would mess up I would get yelled at for it , and feel so awful . I was ashamed , embarrassed , sad - - - all sorts of things . To the point that when I made a mistake I would hide it so no one would be mad at me . I was responsible for something , and while it was my responsibility , I lost it . I was terrified of ' fessing up to what I did . What if the other person was livid ? What do I do ? After texting a friend and losing my shit , I called and explained what happened . The individual - was kind and understanding . I was shocked . I was so used to the blow up , shame , begging for forgiveness . I would rather have my kids learn this way than feeling afraid to tell me something . If I was not afraid to tell people things , I could save myself a lot of trouble . Posted by I was a horse crazy kid . Horse crazy is an understatement . I was horse obsessed . I eat , slept , and breathed horses . I was always told that I would outgrow my love my for horses . It has not abated a little bit yet . Princess , my oldest daughter , is my child down to the horse crazy streak . Since my horse crazy streak has not abated - it is something that she and I can share . So we are thankful to be able to care for one . All of the kids love to go see the horses . LittleDude loves the horses especially . Of his little 18 month old vocabulary - ' horsey ' is one of his favorite words . He loves to feed them treats and hug them . He has learned how to click his tongue to call them . Its not just horses he loves . He loves dogs and cats , and everything he has ever met . He runs up and greats them all with a giant hug . Posted by Everywhere I look I see my grandmother . I see her in the hand sewn things we have around our home . I see her in her beautiful penmanship in the letters she wrote to me in UT . I see her in my children when I make her fudge . I see her in my cooking without measuring . It stinks and is wonderful all the time . I can tell stories about her . I can remember her . But I can 't go talk to her . Not a day goes by that I do not think about my grandmother . Posted by Princess is growing up . The other day a friend posted on Facebook a picture of her when she was a flower girl in a wedding - - she was 3 . The picture seemed like a different lifetime ago . Now she is interested in grownup things . She discusses social injustice , books , news , history etc with me . It is a new experience to have a kid that I am relating to on an ' adult ' level . I have always given my kids the space to be who they are and make their own choices , giving her this respect has allowed my kids to grow into a their own people . Princess is now a person I would happily hang out with and be friends with aside from a mother / daughter relationship . She knows that she does not need to seek my approval - that her approval is good enough . Posted by I had a really bad experience at pole a while ago - it drastically turned me off . It was not an injury or anything , I just was taken by surprise and my feelings really hurt . It hurt me so deeply for a while I stopped going to pole for a few weeks . I felt like the joy had been ripped away from me . I got back on the pole and at first was really grumpy . I had been away for a bit , had a major surgery , and then a minor surgery . I hadn 't fully come back from the first surgery and with all the time away I was not as strong as usual and certain tricks ( some of my favorites ) were not working for me . That is maddening . Absolutely maddening . But a great person , a great woman , a great poler - talked to me and in the end I had a great time again . My tricks aren 't back yet but soon . Posted by I am giving away a $ 50 Amazon gift card . Sponsored by me . I love having my readers email me and then become friends so I want to give something back . You can tell what stage of life I am in because we got a new dishwasher and I am thrilled . I am giddy about a dishwasher . What has my life come to ? Excitement over an appliance ? Our old dishwasher was on its last legs of its last toes for a while . It needed to be hip checked to get the door to close . It was really a rinsing machine not a dishwasher . It was pathetic . I think Pixie could wash the dishes better - in fact she has done a better job that the old dishwasher . Hooray for appliances making life easier ! Each of the kids came up with these names on their own . How adorable can you get ? When a little kid comes up and looks up at you with big eyes and asks for milk . Which is asking for closeness and snuggles , how can I say no ? I tried to calm him down while B got food . I sang , I danced , I jumped , I tried a game on the phone , I tried nursing , I tried a big boy chair , I tried sitting on my lap , a high chair , and the other kids tried peek a boo etc . , and I had NO SUCCESS . He cried . He wailed . The lady told my 18 month old baby to shut up . Not to be quiet . Not to calm down . But to shut up . I picked my jaw up off of the floor and tried to calm down . If I said something to her - - - I would have ended up in jail . So I told B what had happened and he looked at me aghast . " Are you serious ? ? " he asked . Yes , I said . He walked around the corner and got ready to approach her - again making sure he heard me correctly . . . " Really ? ? " Yes really . He confronted her , her rudeness knows no bounds : she was rude to Brian too . Thankfully , B is a lot more level headed than I am . He was stunned . I thought about how I could be the most offensive possible to her - - - whipping out superboob and convincing Pixie to have an amuse bouche with LittleDude ? Tell all of the kids to lose it and tantrum ? I decided to take the high road . She did tell B that she was a teacher and she did not want to have to listen to crying children when she was not at work . OMG - then don 't go to a restaurant that caters to families at 5 : 30 pm . If we had our kids at a nice restaurant and there was a behavior issue that 's another thing . If I was not at least attempting to comfort him - again that is another situation . I feel really badly for kids she teaches . The tantrum wasn 't even that long . Maybe 10 minutes at most . The big kids were being very polite and sitting nicely . While we were eating ( the tantrum had ended ) they got up and moved to a different section ; leaving a huge mess in their wake - really it was disgusting . What do you do when someone says something out of line ? Was she out of line ? Was I out of line ? Was B out of line ? Besides even when having a tantrum LittleDude ( or Scooter ) is really cute . I bitch about my kidney and the pain I deal with daily . But today , I realized that because of my status as a white , middle class , married , mom , who is insured , literate , intelligent , and educated . If any of these variables I may have to fight for medical care . I get great access to care - I can call my doctor and be seen today . I can go to my local emergency room and be treated respectfully , listened to , and cared about . My referrals to specialties are quick and efficient . Even my referrals to academic medical centers are quick . My doctors and health care professionals listen to me and take me seriously . I bring my husband with me when I can to help explain things from his perspective . I all of my medical care at the same place . I also do a lot of research to make sure I am understanding things properly . It is so depressing to realize that without my ' status ' I would not have access to the medical care that I do . Would not have access to my medications , I would not have access to surgeries and specialists . How come health care is not a human right ? Posted by For a long time I complained about feeling empty . For the longest time I had felt like I was missing something . Missing some fulfillment . I would read articles and listen to friends talk about their meaningful lives and feel something was missing from mine . A few weeks or so ago , something clicked . My life is rich and full and amazing . My kids make me nuts at times but I love them . They give me so much - they keep me on my toes , they give me joy , and the make me see the most interesting points of view . My life may not change the world - but it may - I am helping to raise kind , thoughtful , global citizens who care about the environment - which may just change the world , one person at a time . My life is fulfilling . I have a heart that is full , from the love and joy that my family brings me . I have even started loving serving , serving my children and family and helping keeping them healthy and cared for . Posted by I am a naturally excitable person . When out of control ( thanks medication ! ) this tends to mania and severe anxiety and panic . Normally , I just get excited about silly things . Happy dance over snow ? ? That 's me . Happy dance over a thunderstorm ? Yep , I do that too . Happy dance over a heatwave ? Got it covered . Same with the first flowers , beautiful leaves swirling and other natural phenomena . You should see me when things get really exciting . . . like when my kids learned to walk and talk . I did cartwheels . Really . Seriously . In the front yard . This excitability that comes to me naturally is not a bad thing . I am a very passionate person . I feel others pain , I feel the injustice others deal with deeply and hurt for them I don 't want to change that . I don 't want to pretend to be someone else . I did that for years - it sucks . I managed to totally lose who I was and have to go through a lot to get back to me . I am who I am . Passionate , excitable , enthusiastic and loving . I am not changing . I don 't want to . Even if I wanted to - I couldn 't . The biggest problem I have is that I can 't commit to things and plan things regularly - I never know if my kidney will be having a bad day , if I will have another infection etc . It can be depressing and isolating . It stinks a lot for the kids because this directly impacts them . By the same token , rushing around trying to find child care is really hard in the case that I have to go to the hospital - but we manage . But - - - here is that big ole but - - it could be a lot worse . So I 'll take it and make the best of it . Posted by We had family birthday party the other day for her just the kids and Brian and I . She requested a yellow cake with chocolate frosting . Right before I frosted it , I got a request for pink frosting . Thankfully , it was an easy fix . She loved having her siblings singing to her and blowing out her candles . 4 years old . She is so sweet and caring . She will take no crap from anyone and insists on her fair share . Posted by I put some butter in the microwave to melt for popcorn . Out of the corner of my eye the microwave looked really bright . I turned around and saw flames . Shit . Shit . Shit . Princess and I do not get a lot of time one on one . Well , I don 't get a lot of time one on one with anyone . . except Scooter ( aka little dude ) . So I make an effort to get out with them one on one . Last night was Princess 's turn . We went to get our nails done - I got a pedicure , a no chip manicure , and a brow wax . Princess had a manicure and a pedicure . It is amazing what cleaned up eyebrows do for you . Our time was really relaxing we had a chance to chat and just be together . She picked cute colors for her nails and enjoyed getting pampered . They ladies were kind and so patient with her , she got cute designs put on her nails . Typically , I get maybe 3 pedicures a year , and no manicures - - they wear off to fast with my life , but after talking to a bunch of friends I decided to give the no chip one a go . It was a long process ! But , I am happy with it . With normal manicures , already , less than 24 hours after getting it , it is already falling apart - this one looks good . My kidney was really painful during this but it was so very worth it . I need to get a chance to hang out with my kids . I am their mother but I am also their friend . By spending one on one time with them , I can keep our relationship close and intact so they know they can come to me with anything . I will not stand in judgement - I will support them . We had a good time , and next week its Stinky 's turn , his choice : Chuck E Cheese . Pixie was born nearly 4 years ago . How is she 4 ( almost ) ? She was just this little bitty thing with dark beautiful hair . Now she is bounding , leaping , dancing , twirling nearly 4 year old . I was looking at some labor and birth photography yesterday on Facebook , and I was reminding of my labor and delivery photos of Pixie 's birth . So much has changed in nearly 4 years but wow , wow . These are still some of the most meaningful images ever . Again a huge thanks to Lion 's Roar Media In an effort to save money I shop at Aldi . You have to deposit a quarter in the cart to get it to release , which limits the cart selection . If both carts first in line are squeaky and obnoxious , so be it , you just get to deal . The big problem was when one of the carts had a broken seat belt for the seat . It was one of the few times I went shopping and did not have a sling ( shame on me ) . Henry , being 18 months old is a stinker . Standing up and climbing in his seat is a way of life . Therefore , I had to carry him through the store , while wrangling other kids which scatter in every possible direction putting heaven knows what in the cart . After finishing the store , then getting everything on the belt to pay , paying , then putting everything into bags with helpers I was exhausted . - One of the good things about Chicago winters is you can leave the stuff in your car until your are ready to bring it in and it will not spoil . Cold weather may have draw backs but there are positives too . Posted by Feeding my children is something I , as a mother , am biologically , drawn to . I make milk for my babies and feed them from my body , the same way I grew them in my body . Not being able to feed one 's children and watching them suffer must be absolute agony for a mother . On a humorous note , while we were watching a video on the hungry babies and children , I let down milk . Lots of milk , and leaked . It is as if my body 's instinctual response to hungry babies and children is to produce milk - - milk makes everything better . We are extremely blessed . The times my kids are hungry is when my kids have decided they did not want to eat what I had . It is not from a lack of food . It is not from a lack of shelter , heat , and sanitary conditions . Its because my children have never truly known hunger . To be honest , neither have I . I have starved myself as a function of an eating disorder - never from lack of actual food . So what can we do as a group or as individuals ? We can 't realistically ship boxes of candy overseas to impoverished people . There are a few reasons for this one being that when a body is starving - reintroducing complex foods and fat to a person is not a good idea - their bodies cannot process it . As a body starves it starts consuming itself for survival . In critically malnourished people - careful nutrition in easy to digest forms is critical . Additionally , how many people who live in abject poverty have a refrigerator , pans , cutlery , a can opener , a stove ? Food needs to be easy to prepare and store . One organization that I have been impressed with is Feed My Starving Children , they pack nutritionally dense , easy to prepare , ship , and store food worldwide . One thing I am not clear on is that , as a Christian organization , does it serve people who are not Christian ? Do they require bible study or anything as a condition for receiving food or service ? I have asked this question of them and am awaiting a response . My personal belief is that the food should be available for everyone , no questions no demands - everyone is deserving of food - not just Christians . So before I commit to supporting this organization , I need to figure that out . I have been in exactly 2 haunted houses in my life . One was when I was pretty little maybe 8 or so with my parents . I clung to my dad for my dear life . I was horrified . I remember screaming so much my throat hurt . The moon that night was of course full , and orange - y it was like someone planned it . My dad - liked to tease and scare me - but I was panicked . I slept outside their door that night . It is Autumn and with it comes haunted houses , horror movies , and generally things that are creepy scary or etc . I don 't get it . I do not like to be scared . It is not fun to be terrified . Heart - pounding horror is not fun . Clearly , I am missing something based on the popularity of the genre . I don 't like scary movies , blood and gore , general violence . The whole things is lost on me . When I was a teenager there was clearly something wrong with me . I would get furious , not angry - furious - for no good reason . I couldn 't sleep well . My thoughts were racing . I had an eating disorder . In short I was nuts . My parents tried to get me help , and like any teen I fought them tooth and nail . The doctors tried to tell my parents that I was bipolar . I am not . I don 't lay around in bed unable to move - - just the opposite . My head and thoughts move so fast I can 't move . It is like being pulled in a thousand and three directions at the same time and you can 't even begin to figure out what your thinking because your brain has already moved on to 10 new things . Finally , as an adult - I found a doctor and explained my thought process . He looked at me and said I had severe anxiety . He prescribed meds for that . The first time I took them , I was wary , but then they too effect and it was amazing . I wondered , " is this how normal people feel all the time ? " My brain and thoughts stopped racing . I stopped having to work my self up to being able to handle the stress of grocery shopping . Picking a brand of OJ was no longer a 10 minute debate . I didn 't snap at my husband . I didn 't get so frustrated with everything . Life was so much more enjoyable . The day before yesterday , I ran out of meds . I was only out for a day . But in that day - my behavior change was obvious . It was not good . Thankfully , I got my meds right away and by the next day I had managed to regulate a bit more . I am not ashamed of my anxiety and panic disorder . I am not ashamed of my asthma or kidney issues or my blood issue . They are medical issues that can be treated and when treated I am fine . I posted a while back about how excited I was to try InkJoy pens . Pens that were supposed to be amazing - - how often do you see commercials for pens on tv ? So I was so excited to get my hands on them . They were underwhelming . I prefer pens that are very glidy my current favorite is a Papermate profile - they are so smooth when writing . They also have a cushy grip thing - all about comfort right ? I have tried and tried to love gel ink pens but as of yet I have not found one that I love . Obviously , this is not a real problem but I have some strange fascination with office supplies - specifically pens . I am always on the hunt for the perfect pen . I think I found one . I was in the ER getting ready to be admitted ( shocking ! ) and the admitting person had a fabulous pen ! ! She said it was a gel pen ( cue angels singing ) , and it was so smooth ! ! ! Here is my issue - all it said on it was PaperMate - - nothing else - - and I can 't find them anywhere . I am going to go nuts looking for the Holy Grail of pens ! My mom is going to her 50th high school reunion in a week . She and her sister sat in my dinning room and my mom went over what she was planning on wearing . Somehow the conversation shifted to my cousins going to homecoming , and what they wore and how the girls were asked . Apparently asking girls to homecoming has become an event on par with a proposal . I guess their dresses were beautiful and they looked fantastic - I mean they could look fabulous in potato sacks . I started thinking how much I missed getting to go shopping with girlfriends to find the perfect dress and shoes . Going from store to store - trying on tons of dresses until we found ' it ' : the perfect dress . The last dress I got to do that for was my wedding dress , and I don 't see any other formal occasions in my future . In my internet browsing , I came upon a fun website that has gorgeous dresses . While I can 't take 30 of them into a dressing room and try them all on , I can browse through them from the comfort of my sofa and my cozy yoga pants ( which have never actually been to yoga ) . They have some cocktail dresses that I may end up planning a special evening just so I can justify purchasing one ( I really like this one ) . Of all of the things my kids could have inherited from me they had to inherit the klutz . My dear children - I am so sorry for passing this unfortunate characteristic on to you . A few pointers : Look where you are going . It is much easier to navigate if you are looking where you are going . This does mean looking ahead of you and even down once and a while to make sure you are not going to slip on something or step into a giant hole . It is okay to make more than one trip . There is nothing wrong with making two trips . If you carry a huge amount it is an accident waiting to happen . If you break a toe , don 't wiggle it to see if it still hurts . It does still hurt it will for a while . Carry band - aids . You know what is bizarre ? When I start to feel good about myself , I end up feeling guilty for feeling good about myself ? What kind of crazy is that ? Many many years ago , I was in Junior Girl Scouts and there was a self esteem badge . I remember doing part of it and feeling terrible that I was working on liking myself . I tried to talk about it with some adults and I was told that working on self esteem was a pretty self centered thing to do . Then I was told that I already had a too high of an opinion of myself . I grew up thinking I was a major screw up and incapable of doing anything right ; that I would never be as good as my siblings , my friends , my neighbors . My self image was a stinking pile of crap . This is still something I have a hard time with . More pressing - I see my oldest starting o have the same patterns and I do not ever want her or any of my kids to feel like that . Ever . Pole has helped me through some of the worst times in my life and I am honored to share it with others . I truly do not know if I would have made it through intact with out my pole family . I seriously want to jump up and down with giddiness and joy . What do I want pole students to get out of it ? Everyone is different , and that is awesome . Each of us moves our bodies differently and it is amazing , this is where the artistry of dance comes in . We could all be given four tricks to do and the same music to do them too and yet all look totally different . Pole is a sport - but it is also an art . If you aren 't into the acrobatic tricks - - that 's fine there are endless things you can do . Walking can be amazing to watch - its all about artistry . You may not get every trick . This is fine ! ! A lot of us have tricks we don 't do for a lot of reasons . It doesn 't make you less than anyone - it makes you - - - you . Love yourself and your body . Your body is part of you - - - it is not * you * . Your body doesn 't define you . I never got this until I was really involved with this physical sport - - ironic huh ? Be kind . Not everyone responds to tough love . I don 't . I will get defensive and put up walls to keep people out . You catch more flies with honey than vinegar . This day always kind of sneaks up on me - then all of a sudden that day stares back at me from the calender . My breath always catches in my throat . That day . That day changed so much . So very very much . As pole dancing has grown more popular , competitions have become more common . Women I started poling with are entering ( and winning ! ) competitions . Women I dance with and train with are champions . That is super awesome . I do not compete . I will not compete . Let me say , I do not hold it against anyone if they choose to compete or perform or whatever . Let me tell you why I choose not to compete . Personally , I can 't let myself compete or I will end up doing it all wrong . I will end up getting really upset if I don 't win and it will suck the fun right out of it . Pole is about fun - to lose that would be so sad . I do not want to do that to myself . I will also measure myself against other dancers ; from skills to appearance . I will critique my feet , my thighs , my belly , everything . I don 't want to do that , so I don 't put myself in a position when that is likely to happen . Another reason I don 't compete or perform is ; I don 't want people looking at me like that . Pole has a really sexual side to it . That is fine . I just don 't want myself to get caught up in it . I don 't want to be looked at like that . If other people are cool with it - - go for it . Its just not for me . Pole is for me . Its my time . I have no desire to let someone else or a competition get into my head and take that time from me . It is the time when I can focus on being me , not a wife , mother , etc . It is time for me to get out of my head and turn my brain off . Posted by I used to pride myself on not being racist . Then one day I had to face a really uncomfortable truth . I am racist . I am not color blind . My experiences as a white girl from the Chicago suburbs have impacted my worldview - I certainly do not believe that black ( African American people are ( insert negative adjective here ) . I think we are all people - but I have to admit - even though it pains me to do so - that I have certain privileges that others do not . One day , someone I don 't know questioned if one of the women I look up to most in the world for her intelligence , her pride , her willingness to discuss any topic honestly was called racist . Admittedly , I know absolute crap about the day to day experiences of black Americans - and I was ( and am ) concerned that I would stick my foot in my mouth again , or that my words as a white woman would not carry weight . Still I said something . I said ( typed ) that my friend is not racist . She is proud of her heritage ( as she should be ) angry that white do - gooders so often co - opt her very real day to day experiences in a self - serving manner , " Look at all of the good we are doing for these poor black folks " and it is crap . Complete and total bullshit . Honestly , I know exceptionally little about African cultures or day to day experiences of an average black person . What I do know is that they are justified in their anger . I know they do not need my help - they are quite capable . What little I do know about African culture is amazing and beautiful . Their cultures ( the very few that I have learned about ) have innate power , beauty , and incredible authenticity . The last thing they need is my help . White people have scripted Africa as a whole and people of color as marginalized people who require the saving of white people . That is NOT true . They do not need saving - they need to stop having this stupid script played over and over ! What I can do is to work in my community to help heal the wounds that we caused and continue to cause . I can share within my community my respect for the black experiences , and help my community to realize that we really messed up - then hopefully work to earn the black community 's trust back . One of the things that attracted me most to pole was Kristin 's dedication to positivity . She has a studio policy that students and instructors are not to be negative . I have never experienced a woman being negative towards another woman . In class we are always cheering each other on and encouraging each other . Clearly , I cannot speak to other women 's experiences , but I tend to be negative towards myself . I will say " I can 't " . I will be self deprecating . I will neglect my strengths and compare myself to others . Often , I don 't even realize it is happening . Well , now I noticed it . And I will stop it . Pole is so much more fun , as is life in general when we focus on our strengths and abilities rather than what we are still working on . It is so easy to fall back into the habit of negativity towards myself . I hardly even notice it is happening , until I see my attitude being sour and grumpy . I am putting this out there as a reminder to me and to anyone else who reads this - you are amazing as you are . You are strong . You are beautiful . You are smart . Posted by One of those things is a Brazilian wax . They get pricey fast . So I decided to give it a DIY try . Bad idea . Very bad idea . I was torn - - - do I finish up ? Or make a lady part fashion statement ? This is not a good DIY project . It is definitely worth paying someone to do this job . I already booked my appointment for next time . My sister and my friends were offended and offended for me . I found this comforting . Like I wasn 't nuts for feeling so upset . It was validating . Typically , I have a really hard time judging my reactions to make sure they are appropriate , if I am more hurt than is reasonable etc . This validation was very useful to me . I had to figure out why I am still upset over this - why I still have to resist the urge to yell at my neighbor and question what on earth she was thinking , how could she even think that of me and my family . I am not perfect . I am a flawed person and flawed mother . I am human . But , I think I am a good mother . I love my children more than I can explain . I am proud of the way I have chosen to parent them . I am proud of the way they are growing . I am proud of us . The DCFS thing was cutting because it was essentially saying I am not a good parent . It has not been easy for us for the past few years . I have had health struggles , we have a lot of kids . But I 'll be damned if my children are not at the forefront of my mind with every choice I make . Posted by We also got a new instructor . I adore my old instructor , M . I count her as one of my dear friends , and she is crazy awesome . Our new instructor has a different way of explaining things , and while I still feel painfully awkward around her , I think this can be a great journey . K is amazing and I can 't wait to learn from her . Its odd , I had never really tried the Marion Amber before at the studio . I just decided to go for it , it looked challenging and fun so I figured I 'd give it a go . I did and I got it . This ' getting ' it has not happened for a while . I have had to work on and troubleshoot trick after trick for a while , which is a great lesson in perseverance . Instead I had to deal with it in front of others - it was embarrassing . I hate to admit it but it was . I used it as a lesson . In the end I was to slippy because of my mistake - I had a pedicure before I went poling and the lotion on my legs made sticking impossible . This is a rookie mistake , one I had never made before . I 'm sure that nearly everyone makes this mistake at least once , it was just my turn . What she said to me via text was such remarkable crap that I couldn 't decide whether to laugh or cry or scream . Apparently , earlier in the year , when she called 911 when I got sick - my house was a mess . I 'll admit it . Have you ever tried recovering from surgery and complications and 5 kids - add on 2 dogs and keeping the house ? Yes my house was a mess . It was not dangerous though . There were no ( and are no bugs ) there were no rodents ( and are no rodents ) . There is clutter . Ok . Fine . So then talk to us . Offer to help . Express concern . If I know a friend or a neighbor is having a hard time I offer to help . Not judge not gossip . Bad things come of that . If all of this gossip is happening discuss it with the people being gossiped about - really assuming makes an ass out of everyone . In fact she had done just the opposite . She was very stern with my husband about not wanting to help us with childcare anymore - how does that express concern for the children 's welfare ? She said it was a shame that I was angry and not willing to talk with her about this - a shame for the kids . Yep . It is a shame . A real shame that she , and adult , would take the words of a 5 year old with apraxia of speech , interpreted to her via a 6 year old child , spoken through a window with out double checking the facts . She showed incredibly poor judgement . No , I will not forgive her yet . Someday but right now ? I am not ready to . What she did to my children , what she put them through , what she put me through - at the moment makes me so angry I want to scream . My oldest , Princess , was up most of the night worrying over this and is finally now able to sleep again . Posted by It has been well documented that my kidney and I do not get on well - like at all . This past weekend I was back in the hospital because it was blocked up and infected . Husband was of course working , where else would he be ? ( Seriously it seems like every time I have a crisis he is at work and just can 't get away - - - of course it doesn 't help that he works an average of 100 hours a week ) The next day when husband got home she left . Brian was at home with the kids doing support calls ( working ) in the basement . He had told the kids that they may not go out and play and they could not open the door etc because he was working . A neighbor kid came over and talked to one of my kids through the window - my child said they could open the door or answer go out because mommy was in the hospital and daddy was working . Shortly after this a police officer showed up at the door and asked to see my husband - who was working downstairs . He came up and said that they had received a call from DCFS reporting a tip that our children were home alone ( WTF ) ! ! ! My husband called me fuming . When I was discharged from the hospital I received a call on my cell from a DCFS case worker to arrange a visit . The DCFS lady came the next day and talked with my kids and cleared everything up . I am so unbelievably mad . I know who did this . But I am struggling on confronting her - how do I start that conversation ? I understand why she was concerned but to not to verify what actually happened or was happening ? ? That is a shitty thing to do . The entire thing makes me so terribly mad . My kids were horrified and scared - Peas cried nearly all night blaming herself . My anxiety went from bad to unbearable . Instead of being kind and helpful she was mean and spiteful , if she was that concerned about the safety of the kids why did she not verify it ? Why did she not offer to help ? What she did helps no one , and makes things much more stressful . Posted by You know that article about the 5 things that dying people regret ? The survivors in relationships have regrets too , or at least I do . I do not have the experience nor education to speak for all people who have lost someone , but I can give my experience . 1 - People die , its a part of life , right ? Yes , but it doesn 't mean it doesn 't hurt , that there won 't be an empty feeling . Sometimes the empty feeling is so encompassing , its contradictory to itself , others its more of a shadow , quietly following . 2 - I regret not making time . I was not as good of a granddaughter as my grandmother deserved . I did not make enough time for her , I begged off because I had needy kids . Time is short . Time is precious . Before she moved , I 'd call her sometimes and after she sorted out who I was , we 'd have a great chat . We 'd talk about all sorts of things , from feed sack dresses to what the kids were up too . She loved my kids so very much , she was crazy about them all . 3 - I regret not making more memories . Going through her belongings , felt wrong . But she had so many memories . Photos from so many people back before she was born , stories of their lives , a rich history that cannot be lost - but I am terrified will be . I am sad that I did not sit down and pick her brain and record every last word out of her mouth . 4 - I regret not being more careful with the memories I do have of her . I am clumsy . Forgetful . More than a little scatterbrained . The photos and memories I have of her I feel like should be put somewhere safe - to be treasured - to be come back upon when I need her - instead , an old note that she wrote got shoved on a bookcase and maybe just maybe was colored on . 5 - I regret not going earlier to get her chocolate . Chocolate was her favorite dessert and I took my time about getting it . I figured there would be a week or more to hold her hand , to see her , to talk to her . How could even in her condition could provide comfort to me and to others just by being there I will never know . But she did . I have a ton of regrets . That is for sure . But maybe I am not alone . Posted by Living with anxiety is like living in a pressure cooker . My thoughts race so fast that I can 't put words to them or slow them down long enough to even breath . My heart races , breathing quickens , and muscles tense - and that is an average day - being engulfed in a sense of terror for no reason feeling like I could lose my mind and jump out of my skin . When I found my current doctor , I was suffering from this pretty acutely . Thankfully , this was an easy one for him to pin down and immediately started me on meds to help calm my mind . I do not advocate going on medications for every little thing , but there are times when they are necessary . Sometimes it is a short term thing sometimes it is a long term one , which ever it is - its ok . People should not feel stigmatized because they are sick . Whether the sick is a brain thing or a kidney thing or whatever . It is no ones fault . Sick is just sick - and sick people need care - not judgement . So I will be very open about my experiences - maybe so others will not feel stigmatized or alone . When I started the meds and they started working , it was like my head was quieter . My brain and thoughts slowed to what must be a normal speed . It was amazing to feel that . Is this what normal people feel like all the time ? I could sit still , I didn 't twitch . I could sleep . It was like someone stopped pressing fast forward in my head . My grandma died and I was stressed . In a crappy mood , I considered not going to class because I was in such and awful mood . That would have been the worst decision ever . I got there and was able to forget for a bit . My anxiety calmed . My eye stopped twitching . It was amazing to feel the freedom and channel my nervous energy into something . Endorphins are a real thing people ! I have been blessed enough to have been forgiven for a multitude of things . Some of them I am too embarrassed and ashamed to even think about for more than a minute . Suffice it to say - I have been fortunate , blessed , lucky whatever . Because I have been shown such kind forgiveness , I have been able to learn to forgive others for their mistakes , some of these have been major things , some minor . To be honest , there are somethings that I am struggling forgiving individuals for . Either way , forgiveness isn 't something we are entitled too , it isn 't something we deserve , it is a gift of mercy . What exactly is the point ? We never know what is going on in someones heart , head , or life , maybe they are fighting some invisible battle that we may never know , or struggling with something . Either way , choosing to forgive others may help them to forgive someone else . Posted by We worked on these tricks and I got them . First time . Which means I was able to do the dove on the pole and felt super secure . So AWESOME . The frustrating thing . Is my wrist was really bugging me on my cartwheels . Well you can 't have everything . Pole dancing is really a challenging sport . Give it a try ! I still can 't really believe my grandmother is dead . Even the word has an empty , hollow , metallic , tone to it . In the last few years of her life I was able to spend a good amount of time with her and I am forever grateful . She was never too busy for a chat or too busy for a visit . The big thing that I wish I could tell her more about was Stinky going fishing . Her husband , my grandfather - one of the people Stinky is named for loved to fish . I wish I could sit with her and tell her more about it . She would have loved it . My brief - " He went fishing and actually caught fish ! ! ! " does not do it justice . Grandma would have laughed at how excited he was and laughed when I told her how awful I was at baiting the hook for him . One thing that stays with me is , the last time she was in the hospital and I was with her she was begging me to ' unfasten ' her restraints . First , who uses unfasten - - why not just say take them off ? Down to the word choice it was perfectly her . Second , the angel of a nurse let me take off her restraints as long as I was with her - of course - then I would stay for the next few hours , because tying her back to the bed was the last thing that she wanted ( or I wanted ) . She also asked for a handkerchief . Not a tissue . A handkerchief . Small choices in the word choice made her - - her . After she had her handkerchief and was relaxed I read to her from Tom Sawyer - I didn 't know any authors she liked but figured Tom Sawyer was a safe bet . My grandmother was a wonderful woman . An amazing person . Posted by Princess went through a phase drawing little smiley faces on the walls . They were tiny and you never really knew when you 'd come across one . Kind of like easter eggs in TV shows When I was little my parents would have murdered ( maybe only a slight exaggeration ) if I drew on the walls . ESPECIALLY if I was over the age of 2 . I 'm not mad about it . Here 's why : No - I don 't clean them up whenever I find one . Its actually fun - especially if I am in a grumpy mood . Finding one helps remind me of my perspective and perception . So I leave them . Maybe they 'll cheer someone else up . Posted by But now I have learned and am continuing to learn I need to respect my wrist 's boundaries . Its a process . I have to regain my strength and flexibility . I have gotten my Ayesha , pencil , brass monkey , pole sit back . I and working on my cartwheel balance - I just need time to work on it - stopping when upside down is a challenge and supporting your body on your arms - away from your body . Last night after a lot of practice I got my Dove back . Next up - Superman fall . I have had a lot of questions about why I keep coming back - - or how . Here 's the thing . Pole dancing is mine . My time . My thing . I love it . I am proud of my body . Even if I never lose another pound or always have some jiggle . My body is pretty amazing . It has come through hell . Sickness . Injury . Childbirth . And yet . Is pretty great . That feeling . That feeling of accomplishment is why I come back . I would love to be able to share my absolute passion with other women . This is one reason I am so proud to be an Ambassador for Tease . Posted by We went to a pool last week . Princess 's friend wanted to go off the diving board . I made a deal with her , if she did , I would . I walked to the end of the board - and thought what the hell am I doing here ? I am 31 years old . I have no need to be on a diving board . Worst , I took my glasses off and I am really blind without my glasses so my biggest concern was swimming to the side of the pool to climb out . But like any stupid move I have made , I jumped . It should be noted , I am a good swimmer . I just have to wear my goggles - - you know the blind thing . However I was in the water , it was sink or swim , and tread water ( thanks for that 15 minutes treading test - legs only ) wipe water out of my eyes and swam to the side . Easily . It felt good . My kids laughed . It was great to see them laugh . We swam for a bit more , then headed home , I have no idea what the hell made me do that - but I did . It was fun - but I am not doing it again . Some people like to be around others and share memories , talk about the person who passed . Others turn to prayer , others take charge and get things done . Each of these types clearly has its practical application . I am the type of person who gets anxious . I can 't sleep . I get a nervous stomach . I want to hide . My grief is private . In the past several years , I became close to her . It was hard to visit her , bringing all of the kids to see her - being quiet is not there strong suit - she loved seeing them . I loved seeing her with them . They played with the same coasters that I played with as a kid . My grief is more wavy . Sometimes I need to be away from everyone . Alone . I can remember her . I can remember her laugh , her smile , her amazing fudge . Its a basic reaction kids do something funny - I think how she 'll smile or laugh when she hears about it . Then its back . I don 't need to tell her . I can 't tell her . Her soul is next to Gd . My kids are still little not all of them will have a clear memory of her . Her memory will be honored though . My kids will learn what she taught me , aside from making fudge , she taught me strength , compassion , and love . Posted by My wonderful grandmother died . She was sick and unwell for a while before she passed and in hospice care for a short time . So it was not unexpected . We had to go to the store . There was no way around it . I took Princess - she is getting old enough now that she actually can be helpful - and she loves helping . More importantly - she was closer to my grandmother than the other kids and was having a hard time with the loss . I thought it would be important to have some time with her to talk about our grandmother 's death . While we went shopping she chattered on - like nine year old girls do . When we got to check out the cashier was making small talk . Here is what ensued . Today he is 7 . Just like the day he was born there was a lightening storm . He is a sweet and sensitive boy . He is kind and generous . I cannot thank G - d enough for allowing me to be his mother and watch him grow . He loves to learn by exploring and experiencing his world . Watching his face light as he learns something . Stinky can take ideas and think beyond the information given and come up with his own ideas . How the last seven years have gone by is beyond me . Posted by * What I talk about here maybe hard for some people to read , please be aware * My grandma died this morning . She was dying for a while . Dying is not a passive act . Nor is it immediate . It is a series . Anyway . She had been in hospice care for nearly a week . She was agitated and upset but when she saw Henry she smiled at him . She was crazy about the kids and they were crazy about her . The last time I saw her smile was at Henry . The smile lit up her whole face . She reached for him . He let her hold him and he babbled , she laughed . It was so special to hear her laugh and see her smile . The kids made art work for her all the time and had enough of it to fill a museum . Anyway . When death happens its a shocking thing . Its obvious what made her - - her - - - her soul left . Her soul , is with G - d . With G - d that she loved and taught us to love . My grandma - may she rest in peace - will be missed by many . But she will never ever be forgotten . Posted by Yesterday , I was driving home from University of Chicago and I heard Selena Gomez 's new song ( that is an insult to songs everywhere ) : " Come and Get It " . The beginning sounds oddly like someone trying not to sneeze , " Ah , Ah , Ah . . . " it was very odd . Posted by With all of all the fuss over the BlackHawks winning the Stanley Cup in Chicago , people have been calling Jonathon Toews " Oh Captain , My Captain " ok fine . He is the team captain . I get it . But the Walt Whitman poem being quoted is a funeral poem written after the assassination of Abraham Lincoln . As far as I 'm aware no one has assassinated Toews - though I am sure some Bruins fans have at least considered it . However , COME ON . It is a classic poem that we all should have at least read at sometime during our school careers . There are several well written analysis of the poem that explain that Abrahan Lincoln was a man whom Whitman greatly admired . Toews while a great team captain has not lead a country through a war . There has to be a better nickname for him . Coumadin Conundrom Since my TIA I have been on Coumadin . It is a blood thinner - and a fabulous way to see just how klutzy I am . Really no on needs to know how many times I run into things . It is just sad . Bruises are not sexy . Anyway Coumadin is a PITA . Every week I have to get my blood tested to check my INR . One week I am too high the next week to low . Apparently every medicine in the world impacts Coumadin levels . So if I have to go on prednisone for example - for asthma - my INR ( clotting factor ) drops too low which means that I need to increase my Coumadin dose . Trouble is - Prednisone is dosed on a taper so as my Prednisone dose goes down I have to balance it with the Coumadin . This is not even with dealing with diet issues ! Obnoxious . This is for life - I will be on Coumadin ( or other blood thinner forever ) . So my dose changes every week . Sometimes more than once a week . Then there are different doses every day , which is a pain to remember . It sounds like something you 'd say to praise a dog not a child - does it then hold that if I do not say ' good job ' it is a ' bad job ' ? That kind of all or nothing approach is sad . The inherent judgement in the statement is sad . I want my kids to know that my love and support for them and of them is not dependent on them doing ' a good job ' . I want my children to be intrinsically motivated not waiting for my praise or my approval . I want them to get the satisfaction of doing something for themselves . I want them to be motivated to do something for themselves not for me . I do not want them to be reward or praise seeking . I also do not want to manipulate them into doing something . There has been some discussion as to why parents should reduce saying this phrase - and in large part I agree with them - so I am trying to not say it that much - but what I am I to say when my kids are looking to me for approval ? I have worked on saying ' wow , you worked hard ! " or " you should be really proud of yourself ! " or asking questions about what they did . I also make comments about what they did such as " I really like the way you used the triangles here . " or something that just declares you noticed what they did . Clearly , saying ' Good job ' is not the worst thing to happen and it will not be catastrophic for them . I will continue to try and work on my internal script . Posted by I hesitated though . I was embarrassed . I didn 't want to hurt my dad 's feelings by dropping his name . Seriously - that was my biggest concern - I didn 't want to hurt my dad 's feelings . Slightly off topic but I was discussing this with another woman a few years ago and she thought you were required to change your name after marriage . I was stunned , do you know anyone who thinks that ? Posted by My mom was visiting and we were outside , LittleDude was driving his toy car having a great time . Until he wasn 't , he climbed over short landscaping wall , I picked him up and pulled him out and set him down . He turned around and toddled back towards the wall he tripped and fell , hitting his head on the stone landscaping wall right above his eye . It was bleeding . a lot . I handed him to my mom to get ice and a towel . There were no towels in the drawer . Of course . Found a towel . ice . pressure . The paramedics helped and took him to the hospital . When we arrived at the hospital he was stitched and glued back together . A popsicle was the reward for being so brave for LittleDude . I needed a glass of wine for holding it together . When I was little - - - you know a hundred years or so ago ( my son asked me if we had electricity when I was born ) , computers did not connect to the internet - there wasn 't an internet to connect to , your mail came to your house , you had a phone in the house that everyone shared , no cell phones , not texting , none of it . If I went somewhere , I 'd leave a note on the counter , so would my parents , I also had an emergency quarter to call home with if I needed too - for a payphone . The phone most often used was in the kitchen and it had a long cord so you could walk all around the kitchen and still talk - but the phone itself was mounted on the wall . If someone called while the phone was in use - they got a busy signal ( remember those ? ? I don 't think my kids have ever heard one ) . My mom actually saw the people she visited with . They would sit and have tea together while the other kids and I played . I am not saying that all tech is bad - I love video chatting with my kids when I can 't be there - but it is just not the same as actually being there - iPads are great - but they kind of suck at hugs ( said with sarcasm ) . When I fell pregnant with my first , I was unmarried I waited until I was 6 months along - I had managed to hide the pregnancy through the holidays and gatherings . First I told my sister - she said she would not advise me to get an abortion but she would always love me , I cried . I went to her office to call my mother , I was too scared to do it alone . She stood with me as I called my mom and broke the news . My parents were less than thrilled . But they loved me . They supported me . Now 9 years later - having my first was the best thing that ever happened to me - she taught me how to love unconditionally . She taught me forgiveness . She saved me . " My life is over ! ! " Pixie 's favorite shows are Dora the Explorer and Go ! Diego , Go ! She would watch them on the iPad via Netflix every day . She learned so much about different animals and she loved seeing the live ones at the zoo and telling me about what she learned . One day - we were settling in for the night and she started looking for Dora or Diego on Netflix to watch an episode - they were gone . With growing anxiety and fear I searched Netflix for the shows . They disappeared into thin air . I don 't think Map can help us with this problem . After some investigating I found out that Netflix did not renew their contract with Dora and Diego 's company . It was like her best friend left , and to a certain extent that is exactly what happened - Dora and Diego were her friends . The meltdown that followed could rival any tragedy . There were tears , enough tears to fill an ocean . . . from both of us . There was sadness and mourning . Really - - were they not thinking about kids and how they love Dora and Diego ? Were they not thinking of the parents ? What , exactly were they thinking about ? With my husband - we have always had a dishwasher and for some reason the kids have all been fascinated by it . Princess - who hated the vacuum loved the dishwasher . She could hear the door being opened from across the apartment she would get her little bum over there as fast as she could . Peas was the same way , add absurd determination and lightening fast crawling . I would usually pop her on my back and then do the dishes so she couldn 't climb in , she would just pull my hair out by the roots . Pixie was the same way - and she loved to chase the vacuum . Now it is LittleDudes turn . The big kids help a lot , but he is so fast and he can pull hair like no one 's business , when it is dishes time he usually goes in his bouncer - - baby jail - until the loading or unloading is done . After we close the door he leans against the door and hugs it . He loves the vibration and the warmth . I am sure like all of social media you have seen the story of Zach Sobiech . A teen who when down fighting - ' and didn 't really lose ' . His story made me ugly cry at my computer I wanted to share how amazing this kid was ( and is - in heaven ) . . But I thought about what I could do to help . You know when you need . to do something , a craving to do something to help in some small way . This , for now , may be all I can do , but for now here we are . Maybe this song and video will bless you in a way that you don 't know you need I am a mom . . At some point in my life I had things that were interesting like a job and interests separate from kids . Maybe one day I can recapture my individuality |
Over the past four years , I have grown a lot as a blogger and a writer . Thank you to all those who followed me and to all those who stopped by to read and comment on my posts . Thank you for your kind words and support . Although this was mainly a private blog for myself and those close to me , it was still nice to know that other people came by to read it from time to time . I hope you were able to find what you were looking for when your searches landed on my blog : ) I also want to thank you for your not so kind words . Yes , I got a few of those too ! The negative comments definitely made an impact on my writing style moving forward so I want to thank everyone who cared enough to be honest with me , even if it made me feel downright crappy at first . Lol . I learned from all of you ! Thank you . Each of my top five posts had significantly more views than any other post . At No . 5 , was my post " Already tired of being a stay at home mom . " Many of you searched for that and found my blog . Somehow that news is reassuring to me : ) I definitely like knowing that I am not alone . It 's the sad truth really . We all know it is hard to be a parent but when we confess that we don 't like it sometimes , people are quick to judge us . Why do we have to smile through it all when in reality we sometimes just want to run away ? Don 't be so hard on parents . That 's something I learned when I became a parent . I still can 't wrap my head around the fact that Tristan is 4 years old . When it comes to small children , every year that goes by is astronomical ! Tristan is so different and so much bigger now . As adults we may age but we are pretty much no different than we were a year ago . For kids , it really is astronomical . Throwing kids huge birthday parties may seem excessive but it 's such a huge milestone that I really love doing it . Tristan 's construction party was his biggest party yet ! It will be hard to top that one . Parents tell me that kids grow out of the parties as well and they don 't get excited about them much as they get older . Right now all the kids are so young and excited and that makes me even more excited to throw a birthday party ! One day , we can all look back on all these special occasions with fond memories . The experiences are priceless : ) Tristan is a little person who you can have clear conversations with . His pronunciation of letters is improving all the time . Anyone can understand him most of the time . He used to have problems saying the sound of " f " but now it 's fine . He is developing his own personality but a lot of Jean - Louis and I are in him as well . He copies us and often says " aw , man ! " " that is so cool ! " and " what the hell ? " It 's not the best thing but we don 't swear ( or at least I never ) so you will never hear him say anything worst than " hell . " He can seriously listen to you and understand what you tell him , if you have his full attention . I had a conversation with him about how bad it is to eat things that are burned such as burned toast . I told him it tastes awful and it can also lead to cancer and cancer could lead to death . The first time I told him that it just stuck with him . He knows that I yell every time his dad eats burned toast and so when Tristan sees this , Tristan tells his dad not to eat it because he will die . When I explain something to Tristan , he repeats what he learns to his dad . He explained to Jean - Louis how some of the African 's have no money and no food to eat and that is why they have no meat on their bodies . We do not want to waste food here because we are lucky to be eating so well . That was the lesson there : ) Tristan sucks at keeping secrets . I have told him plenty to test him and so far he has only kept one or two . He blabs to his dad all the time ! He can write his name and copy his phone number . He remembers his phone number from memory as well . He can read numbers well but he gets a few letters mixed up . He also gets French and English pronunciation of letters mixed up some times . Tristan likes to talk . Some times there is no shutting him up . He 's your typical little 4 year old ! Blah , blah , blah . But it 's so entertaining and he has such a sweet and innocent voice : ) Dining with him has been great lately . He is eating a bit more now but I think he is still under eating for his age . He eats everything we give him . If he doesn 't like it much , he still eats it because he knows he has too . For instance , he doesn 't really like bittermelon so we don 't give him much but he will still eat what we give him . I love bittermelon : ) He just left his highchair this week ! I know we took forever doing this but it was only because he was making such a huge mess . We don 't feed him at all and he had to prove to us that he could sit at the table on a regular chair and not make a mess . This week , we had plenty of water spills on the table and on the floor : ( One time it was milk too . He still wears a bib to protect his clothes . We may lose the bib soon , depending on how it goes . Then again , even Jean - Louis still wears something on his body to protect his clothes . Ahem . Tristan sleeps from 9 or 9 : 30PM to 7 : 30 or 8AM . That is about the same as usual . He went from not napping at daycare to going back to naps . When he is home with me , he doesn 't nap at all . We put him down earlier around 8 : 30PM or so . Tristan is 37 pounds . We are looking forward to when he is 40 pounds so we can put him in a booster seat in the car . That should make things a lot easier . Tristan is around 40 inches ( or 102 cm ) tall . He is finally tall enough to reach the bathroom sink to wash his hands if he tippy toes . We still have to carry him for the kitchen sink . He is also tall enough to turn on any light switch in the house . I believe at 40 inches tall , he is now tall enough to go on Disneyland rides ! Assuming he is brave enough to go on them . Tristan is wearing anything from 3 to 5 year old clothes . The 5 year old clothes need folding in the sleeves and pants but they don 't look overly huge . For clothes that are 3 years old , we just let him wear them as undershirts under bigger shirts . It 's cold right now so the smaller shirts are coming in handy ! Since he is short , 3 year old pants are just the right length . Tristan still pees in his pull up at night . At one point he went almost 2 weeks dry at night . We thought that was the end of pull ups but we were wrong . He just went 4 nights dry and then peed again . Since he is our only child , we haven 't felt the urgency to push him much . Now that he is 4 , we are having more conversations with him about this because he can understand more . Hopefully he will decide to stop all pull ups soon . During the day , we can trust him to go potty by himself . He pees and washes his hands by himself . When he has to poo , we normally go assist him . Tristan is a fun and imaginative child . He likes to pretend play and he tells crazy stories or sings funny tunes all the time . We sort of do that ourselves so he definitely gets some of it from us . When he does something bad and we yell at him , he gets mad and tells us that he will hide under the table and never come out again . We need to control our yelling some times but he is going through a time where it is some times really hard to get him to listen and do what we tell him to do . He likes to stall things he doesn 't want to do right away such as go to bed . Tristan is a very fortunate child . We shower him with nice toys and great food all the time and I 'm not sure if he is spoiled or not but some times he forgets how lucky he is . When we go to the store , he some times asks us to buy him things . I tell him that I don 't like it when he asks for things and that really nice and good boys don 't ask . Good boys just get things some times . I tell him it 's okay to tell us what he likes and show us but don 't ask us to buy it . Now when we are at the store , he grabs toys and brings it to me and says " this is really cool . " See ? He 's learning ! Lately , we have found that he has been over opinionated and stubborn a lot . For instance , when he doesn 't want to put on his coat himself and wants us to , we could be standing there arguing for 10 minutes . Sometimes we are able to convince him to do it but other times , he will throw a tantrum . Yes , a tantrum ! We haven 't seen these sorts of tantrums since the terrible twos . Luckily , these don 't occur as often and don 't last as long as the terrible two tantrums . It 's still pretty awful though : ( Tantrums aside , I think Tristan is at the age where he can be a lot of fun to be with . He is mature enough to have conversations with and smart enough to rely on for help some times . He corrects us many times when we talk to him and we don 't even realize we made a mistake . He likes to be useful so he helps where he can with things around the house . For instance , he helps set the dining table and this past weekend he helped put up decorations on the Christmas tree . He did break an ornament along the way though . It was the first one we ever broke : ( Oh well . It could have been worst . Tristan is very affectionate . We shower him with kisses and hugs and tell him we love him all the time and he does the same to us . His grandparents in France noticed how affectionate he was when we were in France this past Spring as well . I hear that kids grow out of this affectionate phase so I want to enjoy it as long as I can : ) Exactly four years ago , my life changed . I became a mom . Jean - Louis ' life changed . He was a father . We were parents . Today , our baby turns four . FOUR ! ! ! Hard to believe . Today is the first day of Tristan 's 4 year old adventure in life . We already threw him a big party but since today is his actual birthday , I couldn 't help but make him something little . For the birthday picture , you know ? : ) Since we had plenty of chocolate cake lately , I decided to make my favorite nutella cake and use vanilla bean swiss meringue buttercream on it . I took the opportunity to get rid of more Halloween candy as well . I crushed up some Halloween candy and used it as topping for the cake . Then I added a few more sprinkles . It turned into this big candy covered cake ! This weekend we threw Tristan a construction party for his upcoming 4th birthday . It was sort of a full time job this past week planning and implementing his party . Seriously . It was also a last minute scramble to accommodate twice as many guests . We anticipated half the number of guests but then to our surprise everyone but one child accepted their invitation . Last year we had trouble getting enough kids so we invited a lot this year . I was very impressed that everyone RSVP - ed back on time as well : ) You can never predict these things but you need to be ready at all times to do whatever you can ! The last 24 hours before the party was a grind . I spent the last few weeks here and there thinking about the party and slowly coming up with ideas . Every time we went shopping , I would browse for things that we could use for the party . I even picked up a couple of things during Halloween because black and orange were good " construction " colors . I wish I had gotten more stuff though because once Halloween came , everything was gone : ( You know how hard it is to get orange and black decorations ? Hard ! Yellow , on the other hand , is available everywhere . Last year was our first theme party for Tristan . When he turned 3 years old , we had a " monkey " party . It was also the first time I baked a cake for his birthday . I didn 't really have the skills to do it before . Since then I had a bit more practice and now I have the confidence to bake more theme cakes and will probably never buy another one again . Lol . For this year 's theme , I chose to throw a " construction " party because it is something I 've always wanted to throw for him and I thought 4 years would be a good age for it . He already has a lot of construction toys , which made it perfect for using as decoration at the party : ) Thanks to Pinterest and the popularity of theme parties from a lot of creative parents , there are tons of ideas out there . Construction parties are indeed very popular , but not popular enough to find supplies for at the Dollar store yet . Luckily , we were in Seattle recently and were able to grab some cool construction party supplies at one of the big stores down there : ) We had store bought decorations and I made some on my own as well . I customized them to read " Tristan 4 " , " Kids At Play , " " Kids At Work , " and " Party Zone " etc . The signs were easy to photoshop and I just used yellow and orange construction paper to print them on . They turned out better than I thought . I initially created them with a black marker but the computer printed ones were faster to create and they looked so much better ! Then I went a bit crazy with photoshop and decided to photoshop the food labels , food picks , and thank - you tags as well . It was pretty straight forward and all the computer printed stuff just made everything look a bit more professional . You know how I like to pretend to be professional , right ? : ) Lol . We had ton of game ideas but when we found out we had so many guests , we had to change our games at the last minute . We had three prizes for three games . We had other activities planned as well , like coloring the dump truck and building paper construction vehicles , but there wouldn 't be prizes for those . It was so cool that I found so much stuff on the Internet for our construction party : ) The week leading up to the party was kind of crazy . When we realized the challenge we were up against , I just laughed so hard . I absolutely love planning parties but even I freaked out at the thought of having to plan , host , and cook for more than 30 people . Could I really do all that by myself ? I ended up delegating some party tasks to Jean - Louis . I just couldn 't handle doing EVERYTHING . Jean - Louis had no choice but to help me with the games . He also helped with putting up the decorations , putting up signs to direct guests to our party site , and of course driving me to the store to fetch things . For a couple of nights , Jean - Louis and I both lost sleep over the stress . Lol . The day of the party , I had to ask my parents to come by 1 1 / 2 hours earlier to help out . They helped with the tuna sandwiches , macaroni and cheese , veggies and fruit and they helped carry everything over to the party site . We used a bigger room in our building , which was a minute walk away . There were around 12 kids , including Tristan , and many more adults . There were well over 30 people at the party . My family was there too but there were only a few of them . I have never hosted such a big party or fed that many people before . Ever ! We were maybe 30 minutes late , which is always embarrassing , and I realized the next day that I forgot to serve some food . Doh ! Even without that missing food , I was still able to fill pretty much the entire pool table with food and that didn 't include the dessert either . I guess I really do cook too much food ! Haha . Two words come to mind when I think back to our construction party : epic and chaos . It was the biggest party we have ever thrown ! So much work and detail went into bringing it to life . Some times I wonder if anyone notices all the details , besides me : ) The whole place was transformed into a construction site using signs , caution tape , and colors yellow , black , and orange . We went all out to create a wonderful construction party for our little boy . He loved it and so did we ! I hope our guests loved it too . I overheard that one mom called me a " supermom " for cooking , baking , and doing so much by myself . Someone asked if I was a professional cook or baker so that was a nice compliment too : ) I am none of those things but it 's always nice that some people think I am . The party was chaotic with kids going a little wild with balloon fights because the " entertainment department " kind of broke down for a bit . I wasn 't there to conduct games and control was lost for a bit . We actually used the cowbell from our marathon to get people 's attention . Lol . I had to dash off for 15 - 20 minutes to deal with camera and camcorder problems . If I didn 't , we wouldn 't have been able to film anything for the party and that would have been devastating . All that work and we can 't even document it ? Unthinkable . I also had to find something to blindfold the kids for the pinning game since Jean - Louis couldn 't find anything and kind of tore the house apart looking . Chaos . Everyone was waiting for me ! Luckily , I was at my computer and was able to check my email because one of the moms had emailed me because she lost our address . I called her right away and they came . Phew : ) We played 3 games , which we implemented in the few nights leading up to the party . We had other games in mind but they were only suitable for half the children . When we found out there were going to be so many kids , we had to change everything . Jean - Louis ended up conducting all the games during the party and did a good job : ) I love team work ! Game 1 was " pin the wheels on the dump truck . " This one was Jean - Louis ' idea . Easy enough . He also created the dump truck . Only 3 kids were interested in playing . I think we had a lot of shy 3 and 4 year olds . Game 2 was picture bingo . I came up with the idea of picture bingo and Jean - Louis came up with the idea of using stickers to implement the game . We had little construction stickers and we had a big enough set for each child . All the kids received a 4x4 grid , 16 construction themed stickers , and 16 plain white round stickers . They had to place each sticker on the grid in whatever order they wanted . We photographed all the stickers and then printed them big on a sheet in color . We cut out each sticker from the printed sheet and then placed them in a construction hat to be randomly picked out . Each child had to look on their sheet for the image drawn from the construction hat and then cover that image up with a white sticker . Using the white sticker was my idea : ) It was a bit transparent and removable , in case we wanted to check for accuracy . But we didn 't - ha ! Also the sticker wouldn 't shift around , unlike playing chips . All the kids were into this game so that was cool . Game 3 was " throw the rocks ( or balls ) into the dump truck . " Jean - Louis drew another dump truck and we stuck it to the front of a big box . Each child was given 4 balls to throw in . Whoever could get the most balls inside won a prize . Most of the kids were into this game . We had coloring sheets and crafts but the kids were not really into sitting quietly for a long time to complete any of those . Some of the kids colored a bit . We just sent each child home with the sheets to do it themselves . We had a little TV in the corner of our party site so we borrowed some Bob the Builder shows from the library and played that during the party . Kids would come watch a bit and then leave . Some watched while they ate their food . It was fine . People ate but we had so much food leftover still . I always find that the parents are a bit reluctant to eat at parties . I did indicate on some of the emailed invitations that food would be provided for everyone , including parents . The kids seemed to have likes the macaroni and cheese . The macaroni and cheese , tuna sandwiches , and onion dip were new recipes I tried for the first time at the party . They all turned out well I thought . I was so pleased with our " cake zone . " I thought it looked super cool . The hanging decorations were overshadowed by all the sweet treats though . There was too much happening in the room and I think those decorations were lost in the mix . I shouldn 't have bought them : ( It was one of the few things I did buy . Oh well . The lighting was also bad in the area since one of the wall lights were burnt out . We didn 't know . Boo : ( It was a rented room and we missed testing that out . All the desserts turned out nicely , both in the way they looked and tasted . I thought the sugar cookies were particularly tasty : ) I think it 's because I used more vanilla bean seeds this time . The cake was super moist and delicious . I screwed up the cut a bit when I assembled it but hopefully people got the idea : ) I 'll blog more about the cake on my food blog later for those who want more details . Only 5 people chose to have a cupcake instead of cake . The kids also got to choose whether or not they wanted to eat a construction cone or rock on the cake . My nephew requested the " dirt " on the cake . Lol . In my experience so far , cake usually wins over cupcake . Each child got to take home a wooden construction kit and a cookie for their party loot . I found the cement trucks and backhoes at Dollarama and pretty much bought them all . Score ! I knew one day it would come . One day I would no longer feel the desire to blog about " mommying around . " One day Tristan would be old enough for me to move on to other things . I mean who still wants to hear me report and document what it was that he ate or refused to eat or whether or not he still fits in his adorable French clothes ? Come on . Like every family out there , we do a lot of things and we are discovering new things all the time but I no longer feel the need or desire to write about those things . We are all busy in our own way and I admit I do miss the days where I could just enjoy the moment . I 'm the one that takes 95 % of the photographs and records 98 % of the videos . And of course I am the one that blogs and shares all of this with others . It 's tiring , yo ! My final post will be about Tristan 's 4th birthday party , which will be taking place soon . I 've decided months ago that this would be my last post for this blog . When I first started this blog , I was very excited about parenting and I had a lot to discover and report about . This is no longer the case and over the past few months , blogging has felt more like a chore than anything else . As you could tell , I blogged a lot less and less . It took me more than one week after our first trip to Seattle to write about it ! I have never delayed a post that long before ! It 's just not like me . I loved that in the past I felt the urgency and was anxious to report on things right away . Now , I just don 't feel it : ( What will happen to this blog ? I thought about deleting it all together but for now I think I will keep it up since most of my visitors arrive through organic searches . Some of my posts do provide helpful information . I plan on looking into the possibility of getting my blog printed out in book form . I remember hearing about that a long time ago and there are companies that are specialized in doing that . If you have recommendations , please let me know ! : ) I put a lot of work into the blog and it would be nice to read it all again one day in a hard copy . My blogging days over here are coming to an end but it 's not over quite yet ! I plan to post at least a couple more posts before disappearing . Tristan is turning 4 so obviously I have a lot to say about that : ) We have never visited Seattle before . We stopped over briefly for a coffee break on our road trip to Oregon but that was it . It is kind of crazy because we have lived in the Vancouver area for 9 years now and Seattle is only a 2 hour drive away . I had a bunch of stores I wanted to visit and a list of restaurants for use to try close to our hotel . The main thing I wanted to check out downtown was the Pike Market Place . We went there and hung around for 2 1 / 2 hours . I couldn 't believe how expensive the parking was ! We parked at the City Target and the parking was $ 18 . I made myself spend $ 20 at Target so that they would reimburse us for the first hour of parking . At least ! Oh my gosh . Pike Market Place was cool . The flowers ( fresh or dried ) were the best buy I think . If I lived there , I would totally buy some . Everything else was kind of expensive . There were lots of cool stuff though . We saw the original Starbucks but there was a HUGE lineup so we didn 't bother . We stayed at a hotel in the University district , which was just a 10 minute drive from downtown . Apparently , it was a hip neighborhood with lots of vegan cafes and restaurants . I knew Jean - Louis would be happy : ) We had some hotel problems , having booked through Hotwire for the first time but in the end it worked out for us . We were within walking distance to the University Village , which was totally awesome . I loved that place ! So many of my favorite stores were there and right next to each other too . The layout was fabulous because when you enter , you can see the stores right there , without looking up a directory . After shopping , we dined at VeggieGrill , also nearby in the University Village . It was all vegan and we ate until we couldn 't walk anymore . You could tell it was not real meat but the quality was so much better than what you could buy at the grocery store . Plus , it was so cheap ! We stuffed ourselves silly for just $ 35 . Tristan got the best deal of all for being a kid . For just $ 5 . 99 , he got a main dish ( Mac & Cheese ) , a side ( sweet potato fries ) , a dessert ( chocolate pudding ) , and a drink ( soy milk ) . The service was excellent too . Once we ordered , paid for our food and sat down , I barely had time to go wash my hands and Tristan 's hands before all the food arrived . They messed up brought us an extra order of buffalo wings and said we could just eat it anyway . Yay ! Now these were vegan chicken strips so they were actually really filling . Big , no bones , all " meat , " if you know what I mean : ) It was all good . I read good things about the place but I was still a bit skeptic . Next time we are back in Seattle , we will definitely stop by again ! The main reason we wanted to go to Seattle was to visit the Museum of Flight . Jean - Louis is a plane geek and Tristan is a little boy so he would definitely love seeing planes and other flying vehicles . I wasn 't that interested but if I didn 't have to pay to go , then I wouldn 't have mind tagging along . We got to use our Entertainment book coupon from Vancouver for the Museum of Flight in Seattle . Cool , right ? I think it 's the first time they included a few Seattle coupons in the Vancouver book . It was a 2 for 1 deal so I was basically free : ) The Museum of Flight was really cool actually . We got to go in several planes , including an Air Force One for the President of the USA . That 's some serious perk for a President ! The Museum was really big and although we spent around 3 or 4 hours there , we couldn 't do much since we had to chase Tristan around . Two hours would have been plenty for our first visit but since we stayed so long , we all got a bit cranky near the end : ( That weekend we went it was very crowded too since they had a Halloween event . We got Tristan to dress up in costume to join in on the fun . There were so many kids in costumes there , some ridiculously great costumes too . Surprisingly , Tristan was the only Darth Vader . There were lots of crafts and games but he wasn 't too interested . Boo : ( Tristan didn 't sleep enough the night before and he totally crashed when we left the place . Instead of stopping for lunch , we decided to just drive straight to Bellingham for a Trader Joe 's stop and then home to Vancouver . The border wait at Blaine was around 10 - 15 minutes , which was great . On top of that , we had a super easy customs guy . I don 't think we have ever encountered such a nice and easy guy . We had a bad experience in the past where we were booted out of our car and sent inside to pay duties for things we bought . We 're still sort of new at this so every time we cross the border by car I get super nervous . We sure picked the right weekend to go over . I had a feeling a lot of people wanted to stay put the weekend before Halloween , which was why I chose to go then . Overall , it was a great trip and we got to do some serious power shopping . I got plenty of stuff for Tristan 's upcoming birthday party too : ) I can definitely see us going over again . Maybe when the weather improves . |
Last night was Lesson # 1 , and it was a " getting back to basics " lesson . She wanted to provide the foundation of her training philosophies and how she wants her horses ridden . This was exactly what I wanted , to start from the beginning and go from there , especially because I haven 't taken a lesson in 13 years ! ! ! Making yourself heavy , make yourself light - you have the ability to make yourself heavy or light . Imagine playing a game when you were a child where someone was trying to carry you and you made yourself heavy like a sack of potatoes . You didn 't gain any weight , you just made yourself heavy . Use this when riding too . Plan your ride , have an end point - if you 're doing an exercise , pick where you 're going to do it and get it done by that point . Ex : if you 're going to halt at E , do what you have to do before E to make sure that you have halted when you get there . Refine as you get better . I 've immersed myself in riding out at TB 's and helping with all of the rescue horses … The best thing about being away from the Boss is the pure bliss out at TB 's ! It 's strange when you know a situation is bad , but then when you 're out of it , you realize just how bad it truly was . I 'm so fortunate to have found TB last spring and to have been given the opportunity to ride there . I 've also recruited CG to come ride with me at TBs ! She stuck it out with the Boss until the fall but then had enough too . She 's now enjoying the greener pastures along with me . I 'm still working with the wonderful Amber , she was off for a few months but has been back in action for about 2 weeks now . In the meantime , I was working with a gorgeous grey mare named Rhea . She went through auction as a Perch - x , but there is definitely something fancy in there as well ( guesses include Lusitano , Friesian ) . The thing about these horses is that even * if * there is information given at auction , most of the time the information is wrong , so it 's a bit of a guessing game . Since my last post , I agreed that the best option would be for him to go back to his previous owner . I let the Boss know this and then found out that she had lied to me , and she hadn 't actually spoken with Corona 's former owner about this . It tuned out that the owner couldn 't take him back because she had too many others to take care of . At this point , I offered to take him elsewhere , or to assist in finding him another home to solve the problem of the Boss not feeling comfortable handling him . I was outright refused both of these options by the Boss . She flatly told me that she would not let him go anywhere else because he is dangerous , and if anything were to happen to anyone that it would all come back on her and be bad for business . While I recognize that there are " dangerous " horses out there , Corona is not one of them . If he were dangerous , the Boss herself would be dead right now . If he were dangerous , how has a 76 year old woman who can barely walk looked after him for the last 3 years ? If he were dangerous , how have I survived riding and showing him , taking him on hunter paces , and riding him bareback around the property for the last 3 years ? If he were dangerous , why did he come to the Boss ' in the first place from a very reputable person in the horse community who has trained with Olympians ? It doesn 't add up . The horse is not dangerous . I was told that " as time permits " the previous owner and the aforementioned reputable person ( we will call her CC ) , would try to place him , but that " nobody wants a lawn ornament " . At this point , I was going away for a week on vacation to visit my brother in California . I proceeded to get a text from the Boss that advised me to really think about what I wanted to do with my riding career because I shouldn 't waste my talent on a horse like Corona , I don 't owe him anything and he 'd be better off put down . She then proceeded to reiterate that she would not pass him on unless she was guaranteed that he would be retired and never to be used , and that it 's her call to make . However , if I wanted to keep riding him at the Boss ' , then I could . As you can imagine , this didn 't sit well with me . While away , CG emailed me to let me know that she had spoken to the Boss about it and the Boss said the same things to her . Basically , the option was to keep leasing him from the Boss and he will get put down when the Boss decides she 's done , or stop riding at the Boss ' and he will get put down immediately . Well , after much deliberation and being away from the situation , I chose the second option . Walk away and accept that he was going to be put down . It was gut - wrenching . I felt so guilty giving him this death sentence . The only thing that I found comfort in was the fact that I knew it wasn 't me doing this to him . I offered everything I could have to help and the Boss outright refused . It was clear that she just wanted my money and she was bullying me , she feigned that she was doing it for me , and for awhile I believed she had good intentions . I have known the boss for 7 years now and always given her the benefit of the doubt . Enough was enough , I just couldn 't take it anymore because it was so manipulative . On Sept 25th , I went out to the Boss ' to let her know my decision and to say goodbye to Corona . I refused to tell her to put him down , I didn 't want to ever say such a thing because I didn 't believe it was a valid option . The Boss was in the barn , and I politely said , " Like you requested , I have done a lot of thinking about what I want to do . I want you to know that today is going to be my last day out here " . The Boss was shocked . She didn 't know what to say . I proceeded to tell her that I cannot keep coming out knowing that she will be putting this horse down in two weeks , two months , or two years , or whenever she decides to get out of the business , and that my only option is to ride there under that premise or to tell her to put him down now . At first she tried to deny it , saying that that 's not how she sees it , but then she said , " Well , that 's going to be the case no matter where you ride . " I don 't think so . She proceeded to tell me how she would be very sad if I were to leave , and that she has no problem if I wanted to continue to ride Corona there . My mind was made up however . We went for our last ride together and I said my goodbyes … . again . CG was there too and helped me gather up all my things and put them into the car . I left that night feeling powerless , but confident that I had made the right decision . The next few days were nauseating . I was just waiting to hear something from the Boss or CG telling me that he had been put down . Surprisingly , I haven 't heard from the Boss since my last night out there . I was certain I would have got another email , but I guess not . Last week , I saw a text from CG - I started to read it with a lump in my throat and then I saw , " The Boss found a home for Corona ! ! ! Well , I suspect CC did … but he leaves on Sunday and it is a retirement home with some rescue horses ! " Tears filled my eyes as I blasted CG with 100 questions that she didn 't know the answers to . I was so happy . I guess my praying paid off and the horse gods were listening . Sure enough , CG made sure she was out at the Boss ' on Sunday to load Corona to make sure there was no funny business going on . I had one more proud moment when I found out he loaded perfectly ! Later that night , the Boss sent CG a text telling her that it was a " nice place with really nice people and the other horses look to be in great condition , they even use the same vet " . For the first time in month , the overwhelming feeling of guilt and nausea subsided . I have a horse - loving problem , I just love them all . I will honour Jackpot ( RIP ) in this answer though . He was a 10 - yr old Standardbred ex - pacer who had won over $ 300k for during his lifetime . His sire was in the Canadian Horse Racing Hall of Fame and actually attended his own entrance celebration . He was the first horse I rode at the Boss ' and he was the go - to for any friends that arrived at the barn . He was never truly sound but he was happy . Last fall I arrived at the barn and he was gone , he had been sent for meat to make a quick buck off his life . I 'm sickened every time I think about it . 7 . Does your family support your riding and if so , how and if not , how do you deal with it ? They are supportive , but they don 't understand the obsession and are terrified of horses themselves . I deal with it by picking and choosing which details I share with them . They do howeve , always come out to competitions to show their support ! In the true sense of inconvenience , here I am , the day before the show , sitting in a walk - in doctor 's clinic , that is supposed to open at 8am except the doctor hasn 't arrived yet . Braiding actually seems fun right now . I 've had this " cold " for almost two weeks now and it 's getting worse instead of better . It 's the May long weekend so places are closed and all day yesterday , all I heard from people was , " whoa , you don 't look good ! " I went out to the Boss ' only to find the Trainer there ! I thought he was going to be gone … apparently not . He 's on his way out however , and that makes me happy . He wasn 't there any other day so I can 't really complain . I continued with my groundwork on Corona and he was great . Like last time , there was no spooking at my stick & string and we seem to be learning the cues for hindquarter and forehand yields slowly but surely . His backing up is really improving and I even got to use it in a real - life uncontrolled scenario ! Flash - forward to CG and I putting the horses out after our ride … I put Corona out first with Roller and CG was bringing out one of the racehorses . Rip charged through the gate ( naughty ! ) but CG still had the lead on him , at the same time , Roller and Corona trotted up to him and chaos was about to ensue and the teeth were barred , butts were turning , and poor CG was not in a good place . I was standing at the gate and I yelled , " CORONA ! BACK UP ! ! " and he actually listened to me ! He backed up a couple of steps and didn 't lunge at Rip , I was so proud of him and this gave me warm fuzzies that our training is paying off . Flash back to our ride - Corona was FRESH ! All the horses have the springtime sillies right now . That , combined with the melting ice / snow that cracks under their feet on the track , makes for a bit of an uppity ride . CG was working with Grace , who was also super peppy , but since I had done groundwork with Corona first , she was almost done her ride by the time Corona and I started ours . Corona was good , we didn 't do too much due to the footing , but I have no complaints . After the Boss 's , I headed over to TB 's to have another go on Amber . I 'm pleased to report that I didn 't feel the need to apologize to the poor girl afterwards ! Our ride was great - it started off a bit rough , but I worked on flexion and keeping her focussed on figures just at the walk , and then only when we were getting in tune with each other did I ask her for a trot . I was also fortunate enough to ride with a girl who leases TB 's fancy dressage show horse - he was second level champion and third level reserve champion this past season , so my jaw was on the floor as I watched him work . It was really inspiring to say the least . I was really chuffed afterwards as well as TB came to see us when we were done and Laura ( the rider of fancy show horse ) said that Amber and I looked fantastic out there . YES ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Saturday Started out the day at the Boss ' with CG . Continued groundwork with Corona and he was quite good considering the wind was howling and the horses in the paddocks were running around like maniacs . I managed to get some really nice hindquarter yields which made me very happy . I 'm going to be focussing on the hindquarter yields as they are key to moving on to the exercises I have in store next J After the groundwork , I tacked him up and we joined CG and Roller on the track . I focussed on getting Corona to pay attention to me at all times and we did lots of leg yielding , turns on the forehand , turns on the hindquarters , and shoulder - in . The footing was horrid - the snow and ice was melting , but it was just falling apart in chunks and literally collapsing from under us . I was so proud of Corona however , as a couple of times he as was walking about a foot from the edge of the " iceberg " and it just slumped down under him … the look on his face was priceless , he stopped dead in his tracks and just looked at his feet to see what the heck had just happened . No spooking ! By this time , there were also quite a few puddles around , so I used them to my advantage and asked him to walk through them ( he has been known to be finicky about water in the past ) , no problem ! I did a bit of trotting but the problem with the spring sillies is that it is contagious - when one horse has it , they all have it ! We asked the horses to trot , Roller decided to canter , Corona subsequently thought he was a racehorse and that was the end of Zen - Horse . I settled him down and decided to go the opposite way of CG . Temper tantrum ensued with Corona squealing like a pig and launching himself in the air . Of course this was also the exact moment the Boss and her friend began watching us . Perfect . I managed to get a nice walk out of Corona and once he relaxed again , we called it a day . After the Boss 's , I went to TB 's for a ride on Quinn . As always , he was a dream . He stood like a rock for me to get on and then once I was on , he began his moonwalk . I did a few corrections and once he stood still for a few seconds , I asked him to go forward . We had a great ride and worked on our canter . He is good at picking up his left lead , but won 't pick up his right . TB came in at the end of our lesson and got me to do an exercise where we pick up the left lead canter , canter the long diagonal , and then right before turning the corner , we trot and ask for the right lead . I still couldn 't get the lead , but this will be a good exercise to practice . On a very positive note , TB did comment about how my hands look much better and clearly I have been practicing ! I went out to the Boss 's again for some Corona time . The weather was horrible ! ! ! The temperature had dropped to about - 3 degrees and the wind was howling . There was debris flying around and even on the drive in , I could feel the wind blowing my car around . CG was there and we were going to ride , but then she had to leave early . I debated whether to ride , do groundwork or just have a spa day with Corona ( he has the springtime muddies along with the springtime sillies ) … I decided to ride because I wanted to see how calm Corona was in the bad weather with no other horses around . I 'm glad I did , because he was great ! There were a couple of spooks at a plastic feed bag blowing around , and a flock of crows , but otherwise he was pretty good . We did a bit of trot up the long side of the track where the footing was reasonable , and continued plodding through puddles which now covered one entire short side of the track . We were only out for about 30 mins , but I was frozen … my eyes were teary from the wind and it just wasn 't pleasant . After our ride , I gave Corona a good grooming and he really seemed to love it . He was covered head to tail in mud , except for the parts his rain sheet covers . Before our ride , I had just brushed off the dry parts which luckily were where his girth lies . By the time we had ridden , most the mud was dry and Corona seemed to enjoy the pampering . I 've been out to TB 's twice since my last post - once last Wednesday evening , and then again on Saturday afternoon . What can I say , other than I absolutely adore Quinn . He 's such a nice horse , incredibly calm and level headed and a quick learner too . He 's not the most patient boy , but he 's only a baby so I 'm keeping that in mind as we work on patience . Throughout the whole process , I 'm trying to keep in mind the big picture - that the goal for this boy is to find a forever home . This is very important so that a ) I don 't get too attached and b ) so that I can focus on things that will help him get a great home . First impressions are extremely important to potential buyers , especially when the market is flooded with good horses . As a result , I 'm really paying attention to ground manners and teaching them consistently as part of our lesson time . Quinn is pretty good on the x - ties , he fidgets a bit , and paws , so I 'm trying to stop that . He 's also a bit fussy about his ears , which has repercussions for bridling , so we will continue to work on that too . He also is not a fan of standing still for mounting . It 's been a bit of a dance trying to balance teaching him to stand while I get on . We have made improvements though - on Saturday he stood still until I was in the saddle , then he decided to moonwalk backwards which tipped me onto his neck . I caught my balance quickly and then we stood still for about a minute so he received a lot of praise for that . Riding - wise , we are getting the hang of each other . Our ride on Saturday was excellent . He moved off my leg incredibly well and was feeling pretty light in my hands . I was doing a lot of transitions and various figures and also practiced straightness using the quarter lines . All - in - all , I 'm really enjoying working with him . I 'm going out to work with him again tonight and possibly do a double header with a TB mare named Amber ! I got an email from TB yesterday saying that there 's a potential buyer for Amber and that she could use a few seOn the Corona front , I had a PHENOMENAL time with him on Saturday . We started off with some groundwork , where I really focussed on establishing my own personal space and asking him to stay out of it . The whole " I want him put down " incident with the Boss has given me a new and more confident / determined attitude with him . Whether good or bad , I see it as my mission to prove to everyone around how great this horse can be . Whether it 's a fluke or not , who knows , but since I 've had this confidence with him , things have changed for the better . I basically will not take his crap - any of it . Ever . Why ? Because if I do , I am risking his life . Period . I 'm not willing to put his life on the line so I need to be the best that I can be at all times . Usually when I work with my " savvy " stick and string , Corona tends to spook at the string anytime it 's dragged across the ground . Not on Saturday ! Could this be a result of my confident attitude ? Perhaps ! Regardless , I was really happy and this has made me even more confident ! Funny how that happens - confidence leads to good results , which leads to more confidence ! We did lots of groundwork - leading , backing up , yielding the hindquarters and forehand , basically focussed on the Parelli games # 1 - 3 and practiced yielding to various pressures while at the same time keeping out of my space . I ended the session with some trotting in hand and not getting in front of me when I would stop . I wish I had a video of this . This horse was stopping dead in his tracks without getting ahead of me . Amazing . I wished the Boss had seen it , but she was in the house at the time . I dream of the day when I show all the doubters what this horse can do , I can just imagine their jaws dropped on the floor and Corona and I riding bareback and bridle - less into the sunset ( yes , I may be getting * slightly * ahead of myself ) … After our groundwork , I tacked him up and we went on a nice walk around the track . The wind was howling and there were snowdrifts everywhere . We didn 't last too long out there but we had a great couple of laps . Super relaxed , I was asking for flexion and yields and my furry friend was more than happy to oblige . There was no spooking , no acting up , it was just blissful . I also wanted to ride because I had just bought Corona a new saddle pad - I thought we both needed a little pick - me - up to signal our new found determination . It 's red with white and navy trim and really suits him , picture is below . There was a sale at the local horse store which I took advantage of ( saddle pad , two pairs of black bell boots , maple flavoured treats ) , and I had to go anyway to pick up some Quietex - side note : the Boss sent me a text last week telling me to get some for Corona . I will emphasize here that it wasn 't a request . Apparently his old owner used to use it on him and suggested it to the Boss when the Boss was no doubt informing her of the drama of her wanting to get rid of the horse the week before . I didn 't ask details , I just bought it because if that 's what it takes to keep the Boss happy for the time being , then so be it . I don 't know how I feel about using it - I personally don 't think he needs it , but am interested to see how it affects him . On another note - I 'm pretty sure the sh * t is about the hit the fan at the Boss ' . CG told me that on Sunday , the Trainer told her that he was moving as of this Friday ( i . e . : the day after tomorrow ) . None of us have heard anything from the Boss on the subject . The Trainer was supposed to be leaving in May , but this change in plans is just moving up the inevitable chaos that was going to ensue in May anyways . Not sure what the plan is for the racehorses ( 4 ) , or the other boarders ' horses ( 3 ) . I had thought that the Boss was going to have downsized to a manageable number ( 4 or 5 ) before the Trainer left because she wouldn 't have the daily help the way she does with the Trainer . With the sudden change in the Trainers ' plans , things haven 't exactly worked out the way they had planned . Also , apparently the Boss has decided that she might start up again with one of the racehorses ( Bally ) who was retired ( for a number of reasons ) … given that the Boss is not physically capable of taking up a horse , let alone hitching a joggI should have some interesting updates to provide this weekend … |
I have been so busy this week that I haven 't had time to write . I have done almost every project on my to do list . Of the few that I have left to accomplish , painting is next . I bought some Kilnz yesterday to primer the baseboards in my bathroom . We had a leak about a year ago , and there are some water stains that I don 't think just paint alone will cover . That 'll probably take about two hours . Then on to doing the touch up paint throughout the whole house , which is a project that can only be started once Alyssa is in bed . I mailed two care packages off to Bruce on the 22nd , and just got one of them back . I 'm just sick about it . He says the address is correct , so I 'm going back to the Post Office to find out the deal . It 's about $ 15 a pop to mail a package , so if it comes back , that 's just $ 15 gone for nothin ' . I don 't like that one bit . I 'm gettin ' my hair did today ! ! ! ! I 'm about three weeks overdue according to my roots , and I can not wait ! ! ! Between my new hair soon , and the fact that I 've lost almost 15 pounds already , I 'm feeling like a new person . My jeans that fit before I had Alyssa fit again . As a matter of fact , they even have some " eatin ' room " in them . Oh ! I recognize that girl in the mirror ! She 's been gone a while , but she 's back , now . Since I have reached my first weight goal ( which I thought would be impossible ) , I 'm completely ready to go on to my next goal of 11 more pounds . That 's it ! It 's my last goal . . . I 'll be 140lbs , 5 ' 8 " , and a size 4 or 6 . Tonight 's New Years ! It 's the anniversary of the night that Bruce and I met . If there is one day in my life that determined the path that I 'm on now , it 's that night . Initially , I wasn 't even going to go out that night . My buddy , Jesse , had invited me to go out to the Hard Rock Cafe in Baltimore , twice , but I said " No " both times . The third time he asked , he said " I know you . . . you 're not doing anything but sitting around in your apartment . You need to get out and have some fun . Come with us ! " So , I caved and showed up at his house around 7 . Bruce was there when I got there . We took a limo into Baltimore and I found myself chatting about String Theory and Stephen Hawking with him , drinking the punch . . . lol , and being the only ones on the dance floor . It will always be a night I remember and laugh about . Fast forward several years , and here we are . Well , technically he 's in South Korea and I 'm here , but you know what I mean . I wouldn 't trade him for the world , either . I can 't believe how time has gone by so quickly with him . I guess the old saying of " Time flies when you ' reat It 's snowing here ! Not much is sticking , but it 's beautiful to watch . Alyssa 's getting a kick out of it , too , and keeps saying " No ? " . . . which if you 're wearing your decoder ring , that means " snow " . We had a lot of fun yesterday . We skyped with Bruce in the morning while we opened her Christmas gifts . Then we skyped later last night and celebrated her birthday . She loved the pizza for dinner , and the chocolate cake was a big hit . I 'm still sick . When I woke up yesterday , it was bad . Today is not much better , but I 'm taking some medicine for it . It doesn 't seem to be helping with the constant sneezing , though . When I put Alyssa down for her nap today , I just climbed into bed to sleep . I was able to sleep about an hour , which is better than nothing , but this is one of those times that I really miss having Bruce here . If he were here , he would play with Alyssa and let me rest . Oh well , this cold will pass . I mean really , how long can it stick around ? ? ? All I can do is wait til I put her to bed and then draw a really hot bath to soak in . This is a new habit since Bruce has been gone , and I love it . It 's sad in a way that it took him going away for me to lose weight and take better care of myself and my skin , but I keep reminding myself just how fabulous I will be the next time he sees me in person ! Not to say I lacked fabulousness before , mind you . Two years ago , today , I thought I had gas . Yep . . . gas . Oh , how my stomach hurt . I was eating antacids , massaging my tummy , and even resorted to rolling my stomach around on the big exercise ball . All to no avail . It was Christmas Eve . Isn 't there some unwritten rule that you 're not allowed to be sick or feel bad right at Christmas ? Well , everything was hurting . My hips , my back , my big extended belly , and if I remember correctly . . . even my big toe hurt . Turns out , it wasn 't gas . After hours of increasing ' gas pains ' , I realized I was in labor . It took a little convincing for Bruce . He was trying to tell me it was just Braxton Hicks . HA . He came very close to having his eyeball poked out . So , anyway , we made the trip up to the hospital ( which is a very funny story within itself , but for another time ) . When we got there , they laughed and told me I was not ready . They said to " just go home and it might take two more days " . TWO MORE DAYS ? It was when I heard these words that I changed my mind . I wasn 't ' even in da mood ' for two days of that . What choice did I have though ? They were sweet enough to give me a morphine shot to dull the pain before they sent me home . . . which made me horribly sick . We came home , and while I writhed around and moaned in our bed every two to four minutes , Bruce peacefully slept beside me . After about two and half hours , I was yelling from the bathroom ( in between uncontrollable moaning ) that I didn 't give a damn what that nurse said TAKE ME BACK TO THE HOSPITAL ! By the time we got back to the hospital , the nurses seemed to be rather surprised that I had moved along so quickly . Then I met the anesthesiologist . Bless his heart . That man had to leave his family on Christmas morning to come give me an epidural . There will always be a special place in my heart for him . Anyone who can relieve severe pain such as that so quickly deserves that much . So , the 8 . 6 pound little girl I had that day will be two tomorrow . As if Christmas isn 't wonderful enough , it will now always mean so much more to me . We are celebrating with Bruce , and other family members , via Skype tomorrow . I wish we were all together , but it is what it is . I 've got a cute cake , chocolate ice cream , a banner , matching birthday plates and napkins , and lots of presents for both her birthday and Christmas . We are currently watching as many animated Christmas movies as we can cram into today and tomorrow . If you 're going to do it , do it right ! I 'd like to send birthday wishes to two of my other friends whose birthdays fall so close to Christmas . Kim : you are the best friend anyone could ever , ever ask for . After almost 22 years of friendship , I have some of the most amazing memories . Thanks ! I hope the 28th is a fabulous day for you . Judi : I hope your birthday yesterday was wonderful . I 'm so glad I happened to meet you that day in Indianapolis . You are such an amazing woman and I can 't wait until we get together again . Even though we don 't talk very frequently , you 've had a big impact on my life . Also , thank you for putting Alyssa 's name on your birthday cake . You are too sweet . The wrapping of gifts , and consuming of wine , did not happen last night . I 'll be doing that tonight . OH ! and one more awesome thing : I 've hit one of my weight goals ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! On to the last 10 pounds ! ! Oh yeah , oh yeah , uh huh , uh huh ! . . : : shaking smaller booty : : . . oh yeah , oh yeah , uh huh , uh huh ! Ugh . After not ' aving a cold for over 2 and ' alf years , I ' ave one . My eyes / forehead are itchy , my nose is running , and I 'd give Rudolph a run for ' is money with my red nose . I 'd give my little pinky toe to just go take a nap for a couple of hours . Lol , maybe next year . Things are going good . I 'm excited about Alyssa seeing all her Christmas presents from " Santa " , and also her birthday presents . I think she 's getting the idea of Santa now . We 'll be celebrating Christmas that morning with Bruce via Skype , then we 'll celebrate her birthday that night . Even though Alyssa and I will be the only ones eating cake , I went all out for the birthday plates , napkins , and banner . All I have to do now is pick up a birthday cake tomorrow and wrap all the presents ( lol . . . with a glass / bottle of wine ) . I think it 'll be an ice cream cake . The night of wrapping will include the glass / bottle of Merlot . I love my husband . He is truly the sweetest man . I opened the gift that came last week and was so surprised . Like I wrote before , he said this was not a Christmas gift . . . it was just late . Turns out it was jewelry . An absolutely gorgeous eternity ring ! I luuuuv it and smile every time I look down at it . It seems to wink back at me and say " bling , sparkle , bling " . It 's fabulous , just like me . . . and I 'm so glad he thought the same thing . . : : wink , wink : : . . We 're going to be watching as many Christmas movies as possible over the next few days , and to hell with what the pediatrician says about only two hours of TV a day ! It 's almost Christmas ! Oh , the fun of a full day of " A Christmas Story . " Have you ever given it any thought ? Everyone loves each day of the weekend . Mondays are looked upon with dread . Even Wednesday is acknowledged as it 's own day with the term " hump day " . But Tuesday ? It 's just so random . At least Thursday is ' the day before Friday ' and everyone feels good when it 's Thursday . . . only Tuesday gets jipped of personality . It 's just " Tuesday " . Oh well . It 's only that with all the discussion on the DADT repeal , I feel as if all the injustices in the world are rising to the surface . It 's always either the homosexuals , heterosexuals , or Tuesday being oppressed . I 've been working on two care packages for Bruce . I 'll be sending them out tomorrow morning once I have his complete address . Lol . . . it 's been a challenge just getting bits of it at a time . I decorated the inside of the boxes just for the fun of it . There 's a cartoon collage on one of them , with lots of pop art , and then Christmas clippings on the other . There were some cool black and white , random Xmas photos on that one . Neither will make it there before Christmas , but I still wanted to send one box that was related to the holidays . Alyssa and I both woke up with something this morning . My ears and throat are bothering me , and she 's coughing and sneezing . I hope it just goes away , and doesn 't develop into anything more for either one of us . I think a big dose of Vitamin C is in my near future . How do I know this ? Because I 'm not just Claire . . . . I 'm clairvoyant ! Lol . . . oh , yeah , I went there . I 'm running out of projects to work on , and I 'm about to have to resort to some heavy duty cleaning to keep myself busy . I guess I 'll start with the floors . Ho hum . Maybe the garage will keep me busy for a couple of weeks . I 've got several things I need to list on Craig 's List , one of which is the Jeep Wrangler . If I sell it , then we 'll be down to only one Jeep . It just doesn 't seem right to me . But , Bruce has already started thinking about the new Jeep we 'll buy after SK . If any of you haven 't seen the new Jeep . . . it 's something else . Truly a work of art and craftsmanship . I honestly get misty - eyed , and feel very patriotic , when I see the new commercial . I 'm off now . Someone is insisting that I sit on the couch and help her color . Life is hard . . . especially when you have to keep all the colors inside the lines . I 've been all about babies and toddlers the past two days . As much fun as I 've had , I can honestly say those little niggling feelings of " should I have another baby ? " are gone . So , Bruce , if you 're reading this . . . you 're safe from my analytical what - if questions for at least another year . ( He 's on the other side of the world laughing and thinking " Yea ? And how , exactly , were you planning on having one of those without me , anyway ? " ) Right now , Alyssa and her little buddy Nora are watching Toy Story . They are being perfect little angels . Just both sitting quietly on the couch , laughing together . Although , whenever they laugh I feel like I missed the joke . Oh well , I guess you have to be " Almost Two " to be in their click . I watched Lil ' Evie yesterday and today . Talk about cute . . . oh wow , she 's a charmer . She smiles twice as much as she drools , which is alot on both counts ; ) Eleven days down , and I 'm am happy that it 's gone by quickly . I have a box in my kitchen that is waiting to be opened . Even though Bruce and I had decided we weren 't going to exchange Christmas presents , I received a gift at my front door today . He 's says it 's not for Christmas , it 's just LATE . He also said I cannot open it until we Skype . It 's killin ' me ! ! ! ! I 'm not going to look in the box . . . but I can tell it 's jewelry . Oh , how I love things that sparkle . I have finally seen the upside to my husband being overseas . . . . . I 'm not hungry . Don 't want the chocolate ; don 't want the second glass of wine ; heck , I 've been so busy that I 've missed my own dinner three times in the last week . Finally , I see the pounds coming off . Today I hit a personal milestone and had a bonding moment with my scale , in which I thought for a moment that we might just become friends . It seems as if all my clothes BC ( before child ) are calling to me from the dark recesses of my closet . I want to whisper to them " Don 't worry , my long missed , wonderful clothes . . . we 'll be seeing each other soon . " Bruce and I Skyped this morning . It helps me soooo much to see and talk to him on the computer . When we get finished , I always feel as if I can get through the day . There 's a big difference between talking to someone on the phone , which we 've done on previous separations , versus actually seeing them on the screen . The visual definitely helps fill the void . I was up at the ungodly hour of 5am to take a shower , so that I 'd look beautimous when we chatted . It 's going to be a big day today for us . I 'm watching my friend 's eight month old daughter today and tomorrow . Erin , the mom , is hilarious . She came over yesterday evening to drop off a " couple " of things for Evie . LOL . . . a " couple " of things which will help keep her cutie entertained and fed for several hours , but I 'm thinking it 's more like a month 's worth . Although , I 'm laughing about it now . . . I can just imagine that around two today , I 'll be thinking there 's nothing for her to play with ; ) ~ Poor thing is teething , too . Wish me luck ! I finally closed on our house yesterday . As much as I love , and rave , about USAA , this turned out the be a not - so - pleasant experience . But , at least it 's done . Done . Done . Done . I finished all my Christmas cards , but won 't be able to get them in the mail til Saturday , probably . I 've got to buy some stamps , which means going to the Post Office , and with all the babysitting I 'm doing over today and tomorrow , it 's going to be Saturday when I get out . Oh , I 'm also babysitting for another girlfriend tomorrow night . She was so sweet to watch Alyssa a few times before Bruce left . Now it 's my turn to return the favor . I can imagine that the next few days of ' toddler galore ' will put to rest any romanticized feelings I may have recently had about having another baby . Oddly enough , I have noticed some changes in my routine that I didn 't expect . I have taken to watching TV in my bedroom , which is something I never did while Bruce was here . I think it makes me feel closer to him to be in ' our ' room . I switched around a bunch of pictures upstairs , and moved a couple of other things around . It amazed me at how much cozier everything is upstairs now . Just a better flow all the way around . Another change has been the computer . I used to get on first thing in the morning while Alyssa was watching Sesame Street and drinking her milk , but now I have no desire to get on unless I 'm Skyping with Bruce . Alyssa 's been watching less TV , too . We 've been working on different projects , so I just turn on some music for her or get her crayons and coloring book out . So , in one of my previous posts I made a reference to " Eddie 's Auto " which was some radio guy who used to call people and get them worked up over the phone . . . to the point of deciding on a meeting place to fight . Well , while I was watching trash TV in my bedroom the other night , I saw a showed called " Phowned " which was hilarious . . . it reminded me of Eddie 's Auto . Get some poor unsuspecting sap and call them with something upsetting . The great thing about the show is that you see their reactions , because their friends or family are in on the whole thing , and they 've set up hidden cameras . The one I saw was where this teenager gets a call that the limo reserved for her prom is unavailable . . . . I swear you 'd have thought this girl had just received news that all her hair was going to fall out . Let 's see . . . where did I leave off ? Oh , I remember now . . . I was having a moment of positivity . Yeah , well , that passed . If what doesn 't kill you makes you stronger , then I 'm on steroids . Friday started out good , but took a turn for the worse in the afternoon . That morning , my friend came over for coffee and our daughters played . That afternoon was supposed to be the closing on our house . We decided to refinance ( back in September ) since the rate was so good . Everything was done on our part for a while . But USAA seemed to suffering from mini failures in getting their stuff done . They ran me up the wall on Friday . Kept changing the times , kept changing the info . . . and my most favorite part . . . they assigned an attorney who was a " Class A " BITCH . This twit thought it was acceptable to begin yelling at me on the phone . She was supposed to be at my home at 4 : 30 . . . . ( this is the short version of the story ) , rescheduled , then called to tell me she might be here by 8pm . Might . 8PM . I dont ' mind accommodating someone else 's schedule , but I do mind someone taking an unprofessional attitude with me . OMG . . . I 'm still mad about it , too ! I was Skyping with Bruce when she called , so he heard everything on my end of the conversation . I was cool . She was not . I 'm just not in the mood to go into it though . I 'll just leave it at this : The closing didn 't happen . Friday night was fun , though . My friend across the street came over for a glass of wine , and then my friend from Atlanta arrived . More wine was poured . And then some more . We laughed , all talked simultaneously , drank some more , and repeated it all over . At some point , honey whiskey was poured . Thank god I only sipped it . I finally called it a night at 2am because I was going to Skype with Bruce at 6am . I didn 't feel so cute when the alarm went off , but I was happy to be able to chat with him . Alyssa and I had a lazy afternoon together , but then she started grunting in a weird way . I 'm so tired , I 'm not going into the whole thing , but long story short , I decided to take her to the ER to have it checked . First time in ER with her . She 's never sick . It all went OK , and I 'm still glad I took her in . I didn 't want to wait until Monday to have her checked . Well , we got home from the ER and I finally got her into bed at 10 : 30 . Then , as exhausted as I was , I could NOT fall asleep . I heard every little noise in the house . So , I ended up cleaning half my bathroom and trying to read a book that I couldn 't concentrate on . I 'll be taking a nap today , no doubt . That 's it . . . . that 's all she wrote . . . then she scribbled . Although I am missing my husband with more intensity than I thought possible , there is a battle within me going on between sadness and happiness . . . all because I have such a wonderful family and terrific friends . For without them , I would be moping around , possibly swimming in sadness and tears . That 's not the case , though . For starters , my friend across the street ( Heather ) , had Alyssa and I over for dinner on Tuesday . I now consider Carbonara to be comfort food . Toss in some salad , and some oven - roasted garlic and olive oil for the bread ; Mmmm mmmm , food so good it 'd make yo tongue jump up and smack the roof of yo mouth ! The dinner was enjoyed with a glass of wine , too . Nothing like good friends , good food , and good wine . Then my Superman called me at 7am today . I couldn 't think of a better way to start my day . Even though I know our cell phone bill will be through the ROOF , I don 't care . . . . I simply don 't care . It 's worth it ! Later in the morning , Alyssa and I ran some errands just to get out of the house . When we got home I went to go check the mail , only to find a package at my front door . This is what was in the package . . . . The most exquisite purple orchids from my lovely sister in TN . How sweet was that ? Nobody has ever given me orchids , either , so they 're even more special . Follow that up with a phone call from another friend ( Erin ) , who so eloquently expressed how she 's there for me if I ever need her . Top it off with another girlfriend ( Kimberly ) sending me an email letting me know she was thinking of me . Instead of writing back , I called her . She is utterly fabulous , too . I 've thought so since college , when we met . This is the gal that I went and got my first tattoo with . Well , that phone call turned out to include making plans for her coming in from Atlanta tomorrow night ! Yippee ! I am really sooo excited . We 'll be eating chicken salad and sharing a bottle of wine , then we 're going to do her hair ( this is becoming a tradition for us ) . The icing on the cake is that I 'll be able to Skype with Bruce at 6 in the morning . : : : Heart swells : : : So , all in all . . . I 'm doing OK . I did find myself reading old poetry online today while Alyssa was napping , which is uncharacteristically romantic for me , but in my defense , it could be considered educational . One thing I realized , that I never did before , is that Elizabeth Barrett Browning was a truly gifted poet . I guess you just absorb and take what you need , depending on what stage in life you are . I , also , read some Henry Wadsworth Longfellow , of whom my Grandfather was a fan . I now understand why . I think I 'll close this posting with something from Ms . Browning : Sonnets from the Portuguese : XIV I just put Alyssa down to sleep . I don 't know whether it 's better to have some time to myself or not . Today went well . We played together , colored together , and she constantly carried around the Elmo book with her daddy 's voice - recorded story . I guess it was at about 5 o ' clock that I took the book away from her to tape a piece of cardboard over the buttons . She 'd been constantly pushing the buttons , and I was scared it would jack up the recording . When I did this , she started crying immediately . I tried to reassure her that I would give it back just as soon as I was finished , but the crying didn 't stop . It didn 't stop two minutes later when I gave the book back , either . At that point , she didn 't even want the book and kept pushing it away . Then she walked into the kitchen , sat down in the corner and continued to cry . I tried to console her , but she didn 't want me to touch her . She just kept pushing me away . So , I decided to give her a few minutes to get it all out , and when I came back she just put her arms up in the air for me to pick her up . I did , but she still didn 't stop crying . Then she started saying " Deedee " . Whew . . . it tore my heart out . I couldn 't even talk for a minute for fear that I would start crying . I just rubbed her back and hugged her . It 's one thing to feel like I have it all under control myself , but it 's another to watch tears fall out of my daughter 's eyes , knowing she doesn 't understand where Daddy is . I felt as if I were doing really well up until this point . I guess I took it for granted that she , being 23 months , wouldn 't really pick up on him being gone , and that she 'd just adjust . Wrong . She knows , and she 's sad . This is really the first time that I 've had to deal with my daughter being truly sad . She is such a happy little girl , and rarely cries . Even if she falls down , as long as I ask " Are you OK ? " , she 'll say " yeah " , smile and keep on going . I could tell from her cry today that her little heart was breaking . I swear , I would give anything to take that sadness from her . I can deal with anything , or just about anything , but seeing her cry those little pitiful sobs , and knowing I couldn 't do anything really tore me up . I did all I could do . I held her , rubbed her back , kissed her cheek , and talked to her soothingly . Once the crying eased up , we tossed a ball around and played with an etch - a - sketch together . She ate dinner right after this , and seemed to be feeling better , but when we went to do our bedtime routine , I could tell she was thinking of her daddy . He 's used to be the one to give her a bath , brush her teeth , and read her a bedtime story . That was their together time . I 'm trying to fill those shoes , but I know I can 't replace him . I really hope that once we start Skyping she will realize he 's not " gone " , he 's just can 't be here . Stick a fork in me , I 'm done . I had about 3 . 5 hours of sleep last night , and it 's caught up with me . I did get to talk to Bruce late last night , though , which was nice . Although , I know how the separations are from previous experience , it is always an adjustment . No matter how ' used ' to it I get , I still just miss the man . Alyssa and I had a pretty good day . We watched a Christmas movie together and ran a couple of errands . One of my girlfriends had us over for dinner tonight , and it was delicious ! I rented " Sex in the City 2 " to watch , but I think I 'll watch it when little miss goes down for her nap tomorrow . Sounds like my little girl is still awake for some odd reason . I 'm off to check on her . Yesterday was really hard for me . . . today , even harder . My eyes are swollen , but I have come to find out that with enough eyeliner and concealer , you can hide almost anything . I may possibly be channeling Tammy Faye Baker at this point . Get worried if I call you asking for money , with a by - line of " let me help you , help yourself " . But anyway , I know women who cry at least twice a week . Whether they do it alone or not , they admit to it . One of my friends told me she simply finds it cathartic , whether something is bothering her or not . I can 't relate to this . Although , in retrospect , I have had times in my life that were bad enough that I may have cried more often . . . but , that 's not the life I am living now , so I rarely cry . The only times I have really cried in the last four + years , I can count on one hand . 1 . While pregnant and traveling , I cried one night / morning because I was so sleep deprived from staying awake wondering if i was going to be a good mother . I reached a ' crazy point ' where I convinced myself I wasn 't . Poor Bruce , he woke up and had to talk me back from the ledge ( figuratively speaking , that is ) . 2 . While pregnant , I asked Bruce what he thought of my outfit , to which he responded " I don 't really like the shirt with those shorts " . That sent me into the closet in tears . Go figure . So , all in all , I guess I 'm either tough , happy , or hide my emotions well . Or maybe , all of the above . The past three days , though . . . well , let 's just say I need more eyeliner . Yesterday , I had just finished getting pretty and came downstairs to see what Bruce was doing . Since Alyssa was napping , he 'd decided to record the story books I 'd bought for her . I walked into the room , realized what he was doing , and thought " Oh , hell no ! I can 't stay in here for this ! " Fighting the sudden knot in my throat , I barely made it outside with the phone to call one of my best friends . I thought listening to someone else talk would be a wonderful distraction and might even help keep my eyeliner on the upper half of my face . Well . . . she wasn 't home . Called Mom and she wasn 't home . Called another friend . . . you guessed it , she wasn 't home either ! The third time I got a voice recording I was angrily , and selfishly , thinking " What the hell PEOPLE ! ? ! ? It 's not like any of you WORK ! " . Shows how well my brain was working . Just as I was leaving my third message , I realized it was Sunday . Oops . So , on to today . . . thank god it 's almost over . Goodbye is THE hardest part for me . This is not the first goodbye my husband and I have shared . We 've been separated several times before . Sometimes for months at a time , but it doesn 't get easier . This one was by far the hardest . It was the saddest for me . Maybe because of the potential length of time , or maybe because I 'm scared of being left alone with this toddler . . . I don 't know . I did great up until we walked him to the security checkpoint . But , then he just had to look at me with those wonderful sweet eyes and say " I love you sweetheart " and then wrap his arms around me . I don 't remember much else he said right after that ' cause all I could think was " I 'm literally going to sob ! Can 't sob , can 't sob , can 't sob . " I grabbed a tissue , dabbed my eyes , told him how much I loved him , and wished him safe flights . He 's such a wonderful man . As soon as he reached his first layover , he called and asked if we wanted to Skype after he got something to eat . So , we did . It was fun , and I 'm happy to write that I managed to get through the whole thing without a single tear . See ? I 'm already back to being tough . I just had to rub some dirt in it . I 've had a hiatus from blogging , but I 'm back . The past few days have been pretty busy for us . My dad came in for a brief visit , which was wonderful . He completely spoiled my daughter and me . Took us all out to eat twice , and he was only here 24 hours . Then he took my daughter shopping and bought her all kinds of cute clothes . She 's so stinkin ' cute in a pair of jeans , too . Oh , and my dad also brought his tools and helped my husband put a peep - hole in the front door . That is one cool man . I picked my gun up from the dealer on Friday . It 's puuuuurty . My husband and I had a wonderful date night on Saturday , too . We went to the firing range and then out to dinner . I miss getting alone time with him , and it 's ironic how many people have offered to babysit now that he 's leaving . The great thing about it is that I think he and I will be able to enjoy one more date night before he leaves . I wasn 't planning on that , so it 's a bonus in my book ! I went shopping on Saturday , too . Went by Sephora and bought myself some really nice moisturizer and foundation . I have convinced myself that this is not a splurge at my age . . . more like an investment . The big bottle of Coco I bought was a splurge , though . The last bottle lasted me almost two years , so all things considered , I 'm still not high maintenance . But ! . . . then I went to Buckle and bought some utterly fabulous , expensive jeans . This is soooo out of character for me . I am the woman who clips coupons , only buy things on sale , and never worries about my wardrobe anymore . I am not the woman who goes shopping on the weekend just to pick up the newest pair of shoes that are in - style . I couldn 't help it , though . There I was in the changing room . . . changing from a pair of loose , unsexy jeans that I thought were OK . . . . to putting on a pair of designer boutique jeans . I pulled them on ( or rather hopped up and down until I got them where they were supposed to be , which the salesgirl assured me this is the ONLY way to wear these jeans ) , I turn around to look in the mirror and what do I see ? . . : : rolling eyes : : . . . OMG , the mirror reflected a pair of legs and butt that looked like they belonged to a twenty year old . The people who designed these jeans are brilliant . Brilliant enough for me to slap down my bank card and not feel an ounce of guilt for spending near $ 100 . It 's amazing what a good pair of jeans can do to ward off that I 'm - nothing - but - a - mom feeling " . With these jeans on , I am nothing short of fabulous . That 's money well - spent in my book ! Farewell lunch tomorrow on base . Dad coming for a visit tomorrow . YAY ! He 's bringing the ' right ' tools to help us put the peep - hole in the front door . I received my gun permit in the mail yesterday , then ordered a nice , stainless steel 9mm last night . It 'll be here by Monday or Tuesday . Reminds me . . . must sign up for gun safety course ; It never hurts to hear what a professional has to say . First . . . . Fire . We have some little hoodlums running around in our neighborhood . Last night they set fire to the lamppost and bushes at the end of our street . We had a friend from out of state stopping by for a very quick visit and as I was giving him turn - by - turn directions , I had walked outside to greet him as he would be pulling up momentarily . Instead of saying " Turn left on such and such street " , I said " You see the flames shooting into the sky ? Turn left by the burning bush , and pray you get outta here alive " . The fire department showed up shortly thereafter , but by that point the metal pole had gotten so hot that it barely missed one of the firemen when it melted in the middle and fell over . Crazy , I tell you . According to one of my neighbors , these kids were rounded up and arrested . I wonder what those parents are going to do ? Considering the behavior I 've seen even before this , I can 't imagine much . My neighbor also said that earlier in the afternoon two of the girls in this group of punks were yelling at a man in his seventies down the street . Seriously ? I just don 't get it . I was never a timid teenager , but I never , ever could have imagined yelling profanities at an old man . May those girls come down with severe cases of acne and may their hair fall out the next time they bleach it ! It will serve them right . Second . . . Rain . It 's raining here right now . Dreary , drizzly rain . Today is also the day that Bruce 's stuff is being picked up to be shipped overseas . I think I may just drive on over to South Carolina , to my favorite ALDI , and pretend it 's not happening . Denial does have it 's place in a sane woman 's life . . . . . at least today it will . Catty , clique - y women . Y ' know . . . the ones who thought they were sooo popular and made it a point to give new meaning to the word snotty ? As a matter of fact , I hadn 't thought about it in years , but was just reminded of it recently . I definitely don 't miss this from my teenage and college years . Not that it was terribly prevalent at the high school from which I graduated , but nevertheless , I saw it a bit elsewhere . I have learned that karma ( and time ) can be just as catty in return , though . Especially , when you run into one of those girls , who is now a grown woman , and she looks like someone pulled the rip - cord on a self - inflating raft . Now that , my friends , is a touching moment , but not the real point of this post . Lucky enough for me , I was never at the receiving end of this cattiness . Well , maybe once or twice , but what I quickly found out was that when you simply look ' em in the eye and challenge them . . . oh , they just back right on down . It worked for me , at least . Maybe they just saw a glimmer of the crazy that I was capable of , who knows ? Another thing I 'm not too fond of is a bully . It 's a really unattractive quality in a grown woman and one that I will address . . . as long as she doesn 't look like she 's on steroids . Lol , just because I may try to stand for what 's right , the point in that is to ' still be standing ' after making said point . But , anyway , what gets me is how technology these days seems to make some people feel as if they are entitled to be catty , rude , and a bully . Hiding behind some dorky screen name , they think they can avoid responsibility for their asinine attacks . You can 't reason with these people , either . Try to engage them in an open , respectful debate about the topic at hand , and I swear it 's as if suddenly they 've had a frontal lobotomy . They can 't address an issue posed intelligently or stay in line with the debate . They switch up the facts . . . slinging verbal crap like it 's going out of style . Makes me feel like ole ' Eddie , from Eddie 's Auto . . . . y ' know those old clips of the radio station guy calling people to get them so riled up that they 'd want to meet and fight ? . . . But , I have to remind myself that they haven 't reached a level of intelligence , security , happiness , or empathy for other people in general yet . Sadly , some people never attain these qualities . Did you know the frontal lobe of the brain does not reach full development until around 25 ? Interesting , huh ? This is the part we use for reasoning , too . Get where I 'm going here ? For some people , as I have witnessed lately , age really is just a number and not proof of intelligence or maturity . Even though part of me feels sorry for them , part of me feels like saying " Well , yeah ? HUH ! Then just meet me down at the McDonald 's and we 'll settle it there ! " But , like Al Franken in the old SNL episodes ( remember self help guru Stuart Smalley ? ) I just have to repeat to myself in the mirror " I 'm pretty , I 'm smart , and gosh - darn it ! . . . People like me ! " They 'll have their day of karma . ( Those of you who know me , thank god , will find this funny ) . Catch me at the McDonald 's by mistake , though , and I recognize your fat ass from that website . . . . you 're going to see just how redneck I can be . All grooming , education , and manners my momma taught me are going out the window . That 's when I 'll briefly look in my rear view mirror ( right before I hop out ) thinking " Pretty ? Smart ? People like me ? Aw , hell . . . who am I kidding ? . . . I 'm gonna kick your fat ass ! " Yeah ! ! ! The crusty neighbors are gone ! It 's amazing what a little voodoo doll can do ! Just kidding , but I was beginning to contemplate the idea of alternative methods in getting them out of here . When I saw them moving out , I honestly started dancing a jig in my guest bedroom . My daughter had no clue as to why I was so happy all of the sudden , but the great thing about toddlers is that they really don 't care . . . they just jump right in . So , there we were dancing and laughing when I realized my windows were open and they were still loading up . Oh well , no crime in gettin ' jiggy with it in your own home , and they probably had no idea anyway . Which reminds me . . . where is that gun permit ? Bruce has already found a nice 9mm for me , but we don 't want to order it until we ' know ' the state of Georgia approves of me owning a firearm . Ha ! If I don 't make the cut , then the state of Georgia knows something I don 't . I swear I was never a Russian spy . Although , I think I resemble the " Hot " one in the news right now . OK , OK , stop laughing and breathe . It does make me feel like a ' new kind of tough ' to think of having a permit and owning my own gun , though . I 'll just have to hitch my pants a little higher ( hello dork ! ) and keep being as cool as I 've always been . Wait , the phones ringing . . . . . . . . . . yeah , that was Russia , but I told them they had the wrong number . Bought a peep hole for the front door yesterday . Now we have to install it . Turns out the new bit we bought is too big for our drill . Why , oh why , must everything on our ' things to do before Bruce leaves ' list cost so much money ? I swear I think it would 've been cheaper to just buy two plane tickets to Korea for Alyssa and me and call it even . Ugh ! There 's still more things to buy , too ! Laptop , gun , Christmas gifts . . . : : violin music begins cascading through the air : : . . ( or is that the sound of the dueling banjos fading away as the people across the street pull out of the neighborhood ? ) I wanted to take a moment and post a picture of my absolutely fabulous husband . He serves our country with pride , and has for the last 16 years . Bruce , I love you more and more every day . As cliche as it may sound , I sometimes have to pinch myself to make sure I 'm not dreaming . You are an extraordinary man and bring joy to my life in ways I never knew possible . Thank you for all this , and your service to our country . I took Alyssa to Barnes & Noble this morning for their story time . She loved it ! I am amazed at the fact that she sat in my lap the entire time . This was truly not what I expected , considering she won 't sit still for 15 seconds at home . But , sit still she did . I guess this might be a regular thing for us now . I 'm on my way up to the Verizon store . Wish me luck . There 's a glitch with my phone where I can 't see any instant messages . They blew me off the last time I went up there to have it looked into , but since I had the - child - that - won 't - sit - still - for - 15 - seconds with me , I was more than happy to say " Oh okay " when the sales guy babbled something to me . My arm was at the point of muscle failure from holding the wiggle monster , and I simply didn 't have the patience to insist it be fixed . I do today , though ! Bruce is home and I get to go by myself ! Whoo hoo . . . this means I 'll get to listen to REAL music in the car . Oh , the things that make me happy these days . Oh , and I about had a conniption when I realized it was Wednesday . I 'm going to find father time and kick his ass . I can 't believe this month is almost halfway over , and the days are fewer and fewer til Bruce leaves . . : : sound of heart tearing like paper : : . . . Time to get the big girl panties out . This past weekend was wonderful . Bruce and I took Alyssa to the County Fair . She is still so little , so she couldn 't go on any rides other than the carousel , but she loved it all . She was people watching , looking at all the big rides and saying " Oooh , abba robi molla " , which I have no clue as to what she meant , but she sure was excited ! We ate funnel cakes , cotton candy , chicken on a stick , and BBQ sandwiches . Alyssa wanted nothing to do with the cotton candy . I skipped dinner that night , but my scale was still pissed at me the next morning . Up two pounds . . . I swear I 'm about to consider cocaine to get this last 15 pounds off . ONLY KIDDING ! Just making sure you 're paying attention . NO ! Get that crap away from me ! I don 't care how good you say it is ! It was a beautiful day here on Saturday , t o . As we walked around enjoying the sunshine and sights , it made me think of going to the fair when I was a little k d . The only person I really remember going with was my big sist r . Being ten years older , she took me to do A LOT of thin s . One night , when I was about six , she took me to the fair and we rode a ride that made us wonder if we were going to get off ali e . I kid you n t . It was this metal cage where I had to sit in front of her and the " door " , which was on our left side , slid sh t . Well , it didn 't slide sh t . Oh , it slid , but it didn 't cat h . This ride would slowly start to glide back and forth until it reached the top of the circle and rotated all the way ov r . We were the only ones on this ride , and when it started going we reached a 90 degree angle from the ground and the door slid op n . We both started screaming , my sister was yelling , repeatedly , at the guy to stop the ride , but he thought we were just screaming for " fu " . ( There 's no way he couldn 't know . . . therefore , I 've already reserved a special place in hell for hi ) . The ride continued n . Gliding higher and high r . The door was trying to slide open each time we reached a certain heig t . I was terrifi d . But , she held that door shut , told me it was going to be fine , and held me tig t . I knew she was lying , but I appreciated t . The ride finally stopped and we got off in one pie e . My sister 's wrist was so jacked - up by that ti e . It was swelling and simply did not look go d . We had to find a first aid station where they wrapped t . Mind you , this was 30 years ago ( OMG . . . that makes me feel OLD ) , so they didn 't have the PR concerns they do tod y . I could only imagine if something like that were caught on cell phone video tod y ! But that was then , and this is now , and thank god they take more precautions these da s . Saturday will be one of those days that I think back on when I 'm having a bad d y . The memories we made are sure to help me get through anythi I tell ya , I can get lost making three left - hand turns . I don 't know what it is , but I am not one of those people that can drive somewhere once and then " know " how to get back there again . Now that we have navigational systems for our cars , it 's no big deal anyway . Let me interject here : I DO know how to read a map , and that 's not a problem . . . it 's just the memory / direction thing that gets me every time . Well , my TOMTOM died a few weeks ago . Damn thing was only 2 . 5 years old , and all of a sudden it can 't get a GPS signal . With my husband leaving to go overseas , this had to be resolved . I can 't be calling him asking for the quickest route from our home to somewhere else when he 's halfway across the world . So , we decided the only option was to buy a new GPS . We found a great deal , and I now have my brand spanking new TOMTOM . Bigger screen , lifetime maps , and it 's even customized ! It 's truly the neatest thing . I picked out a design with a black background and Celtic clovers . It is too cool for school . I can 't wait to put it in the Jeep . Herein lies the problem . . . It won 't stick . No suction , which sucks . I wrote the TOMTOM people about this issue and said " PLEASE ADVISE " . Hope they get back to me soon . I 'd hate to end up in South Carolina the next time I try to go to Nashville . We received the " Daddy Doll " in the mail today . It 's awesome ! Now that I 've seen it , I am seriously considering buying the really big one for me . Don 't laugh . I am not joking . Oh . . . and if only they had an ' anatomically correct ' version ! What ? You think that 's sick ? Lol . . . then you might just be on the wrong page , ' cause I am not a woman to be trifled with when it comes to going without . But go without , I will , because I am " Army Wife Strong " . I should add ' Savage ' strong to that , too . . . . it 's an elite group , if you haven 't heard of it . Next , we should be getting two new web cams in the mail . One for him and one for me . Skype , here we come ! I 've heard from other military couples that this one thing is what seemed to make the separation somewhat tolerable . What a wonderful world we live in when we have technology such as this ! Hope you all have a fabulous weekend . We 're going to the county fair , and hopefully I 'll have some funny stuff to share about it the next time I 'm here . This story involves my sister . She 's 10 years older than me , and pretty fabulous . Well , when I was about 16 , she decided she wanted to go to Florida for a few days . Being fabulous , as she is , she decided to take me with her . Off we go , from TN , in her little blue Triumph convertible . Wind blowing through our hair , music blasting on the radio , and the sun already beginning to burn the top part of our legs by the time we were halfway down there . We had a blast on that trip . We went to the beach to work on our tans , slept in , ate out , went shopping , flirted at every opportunity . . . just a good time all the way around . Of course , being sisters , there 's bound to be something to piss one off , while the other laughs hysterically . . . anything else would be dysfunctional . In this case , it was on the ride home . You see , it takes about eight hours to get from TN to FL , and when the fun is over and you 're on your way home , there 's nothing better than taking a nap to make the drive go faster . Well , I fell asleep only to wake up to my sister saying " Claire ! Claire ! Wake up ! Those boys are waving at you " . Low and behold . . . . there was a car right beside us with four young guys in it . They were waving . They were smiling . It was almost as if they were laughing . That should have been the second red flag . . . the first being when my sister said " They 're waving at YOU " . She 's not the type to not include herself when being admired , seeing as she 's pretty cute anyway . Well , I was giggling and smiling , just as any respectable 16 year old with over - active hormones would , when I put my hand to my mouth for some reason . Slick . It felt slick . As a matter of fact , my entire face had this odd and oily feeling . Now , imagine . . . the whole time I was smiling , giggling , waving , just about convinced the love of my life might be in that car , only to suddenly feel very confused . They 're not waving , as I have deluded myself into thinking , because I 'm the cutest girl in the world and I deserve this attention . At this point , I realized they WERE LAUGHING . LThat 's OK . I had to wait 20 , yes 20 , years for my revenge . I haven 't exactly had my revenge , but I can say I have my ammunition if ever needed . I may never use this ammunition , but at least in having it I know I can threaten her if the need ever arises . Yes , I 'm wicked . . . . didn 't you read the damn title ? Too much work can kill you , y ' know . I 'm not a girl that likes to take chances , either , but this morning I found myself doing way too much . I vacuumed the downstairs , did two loads of laundry , dusted , cleaned the kitchen , switched out the filter on the vacuum , cleaned all the floor mats , and even changed the tablecloth on the dining table . I 'm glad it 's done , but I guar - un - tee you I will be pacing myself in the future . At one point , I even thought I might be glistening . . . danger , danger , danger ! My normal daily habits include cleaning the kitchen , doing a load of laundry , and maybe one other chore . Of course , don 't think for a moment that I 'm lazy . I am a perpetual picker - upper , considering I have a toddler . I 'm also never laying around watching TV , except for about an hour after dinner with my husband . I just prefer to space out the drudgery . A little here , a little there . . . and then it never feels like it builds up . Never all in the morning , at least , never again . I HAVE been getting lazy with dinner , though . Since my husband and I are trying to watch our fab bodies . . : : cough , cough : : . . , it seems like we eat A LOT of plain baked chicken , plain veggies , and brown rice . Well , I switched it up last night . My computer was down , so I actually got a cookbook out to find a recipe in which to use my bay scallops . I made Creamy Herbed Pasta with Scallops . Oh . My . God . It was so good . Of course , any meal with a cream cheese - based sauce has got to be scrumptious , right ? I just knew my scale was going to be a bitch to me this morning , but low and behold . . . I dropped half a pound ! Hmmmm , it makes me think I should eat pasta with fattening sauces more often . We have a play date this afternoon . Alyssa 's little friend seems to be a good influence , but I 've got my eye on her . . . you really have to watch out for the ones that are corrupt but hide behind their cuteness ! Considering Nora doesn 't smoke or drink , I think she 's a winner . I have heard her cuss , though . Lol . . . my kind of kid . ( just kidding , just kidding . . . she 's never cussed around me ) My husband has packed up most of his stuff to be shipped overseas . The transportation people are supposed to be picking it all up today , but no sign of them yet . Figures . One positive about this is he has to stay home until they show up , so I have my sweetie at home . But anyway , this morning I was doing some laundry and as I was putting it all away , I noticed how much is missing . There I was in the closet , with a big knot in my throat , trying not to cry . It 's not as if he 's gone . . . he still has several weeks before he leaves , but it is breaking my heart already . We 've gone through a few separations in the past few years , but they never seem to get any easier . And , this one , being one year , is going to be the hardest . I am still holding onto a small sliver of hope that we will be able to join him overseas , though . Hey ! Do what you gotta do . Right ? Trick - or - Treating was a lot of fun last night . Good company , good drinks , good food , and cute kids in costumes . Alyssa seemed to get the hang of knocking on doors and then receiving candy . One thing I 'll have to work on for next year is to teach her not to run into people 's houses when they open the door . Thank goodness all the people she stormed in on seemed to have a sense of humor about it . Last night , I woke up and couldn 't go back to sleep . I was up for almost four hours . This is the third night in a row that this has happened . I know it 's just the changes ahead that I 'm a little stressed about , but I surely hope it stops . I need my sleep ! At least with my husband home today I have a little help keeping Alyssa entertained . The windows are open , bringing in a nice cool breeze , too . . . . so , it 's just a calm relaxing day . I 'm going to enjoy it . I was up at 6 : 30 this morning with Alyssa . It 's my husband 's turn to sleep in , so up I was with a grumpy little toddler . She 's been yelling at me when she wakes up in the morning , lately . I swear if I could understand her , I 'd do whatever was needed to make it stop . But , I have no clue what she 's trying to say when she points that finger at me and barks out her orders . Oh well . . . I have NO idea where she could get the bossiness from . I 'm off to Kohl 's this morning . I 've got my 15 % off coupon and they 've got an " extra extra savings sale " going on . Who in their right mind , with $ 15 bucks , would pass that up ? Then I 'm going to swing into Target . The past few days have included a bit of shopping . We went to Aldi yesterday . I just love that place . Spend $ 100 there and it 's like spending $ 200 at Wal Mart . OH , and on Friday I went into Food Lion . Bought $ 42 worth of stuff , and paid $ 18 after coupons . Whoo - hooo ! So , tonight will be Alyssa 's first adventure with Trick - or - Treating . I 'm so excited ! My little Supergirl is going to be knocking on doors and yelling " BOO " at people . At least , I hope so . After she saw me put on a black bird mask the other day , I 'm a little worried what she 's going to think when she sees the other kid 's costumes . Her poor little heart just stopped . I could tell when she jumped backwards , gasped , and looked as if she couldn 't decide if she should scream or run , or both . Poor thing . And , am I evil since I found it hilarious ? Nevermind , don 't answer that . We 're going to a friend 's house before trick - or - treating to have a couple of drinks . Gotta get warmed up for an evening when Alyssa will be staying up way past her bedtime , y ' know . My friend has already told me about the Blood Margaritas she 's going to make . Never had one of those . . . I may just have to have two to form an opinion . The good thing about it is that they live just across the street , so we won 't have to worry about driving . Then we 're going to go through the neighborhood , with our girls , to rack up some major candy . I bought several bags of candy a couple of weeks ago , thinking we 'd take Alyssa out for a little while and then come home to give out candy . As much as I joke about eating all her candy , I really don 't want any of it in the house . I guess I could just put it all in a bowl on the front porch . I 'm sure the first kid to come by our house will appreciate it . The days are slipping away . It seems as if time has accelerated beyond my normal perception . While , I 'm happy that it 's Friday ( because that means two full days with my stud muffin ) , I 'm not happy because this past week just seems as if it 's evaporated . Kind of like an ice cube in Arizona . Time can be cruel , and I don 't mean just to the aging woman . . . lol . I can 't imagine time going this quickly while Bruce is in Korea . What 's a girl to do ? One thing I 'm going to do is make a list of things I want to accomplish while he 's gone . Which reminds me . . . I was going to write about this yesterday , but a fellow military spouse beat me to the punch . She 's just the cutest thing . . . but quick . I read her list yesterday and when I finished I felt like I needed a nap . She 's got way too much motivation . Makes us thirty something moms feel lazy ! LOL . . . give it ten years , she 'll slow down . So , anyway . . . here 's my list : I 'm sure there will be other things to add to it , but that 's what I 'm starting with . I 've got a sister in TN , so I may try to kidnap her one weekend just for the fun of it . I wonder if I could pull something like that off ? That 'll take some planning , though . She 's a fighter when provoked . I might just put it on the list after I accomplish # 5 . Alyssa will be dressed up as Supergirl for Halloween . She can 't say " Trick - or - Treat " , but she 's got " BOO ! " down pretty good . I doubt anyone will turn her away . So , Happy Halloween to all ! May your kids get nothing but the good , expensive candies so you can steal it from them while they 're asleep . That 's what I plan on doing ; 0 ( I will , of course , rationalize it by saying that I was doing ' safety checks ' ) . I just applied for a gun permit . Yeah , they let anyone apply for these things . I had to answer several questions regarding felonies and misdemeanors , and you know what I found hilarious about that ? The fact that I had to stop and think . Seriously . I realized at my age , and from time to time living vicariously through some of my friends ' stories , that there 've been some laws broken . After thinking about it , I remembered that I wasn 't involved in any of them . But as for some of my friends , and I won 't name names . . . let 's just say her name starts with an " S " and ends with an " acie " , well . . . she 's not gonna be getting a gun permit anytime soon . . : : wink , wink , Stacie : : . . No , I 'm not really throwing her under the bus . I just love to get her all riled up . I come from a family that knows how to use guns . As a matter of fact , I have a 15yr old niece who can put most men to shame with a little target shooting . Her little brother is about the same . Talk about some cute kids ! Oh , and my neice isn 't just ' cute ' . . . she 's really , really pretty . . . so I get such a kick out of it when my brother sends me pictures of her and her latest kill . There she is with her little pretty smile , long hair , and . . . . a dead deer . They like to hunt wild turkey , deer , and dove . Just depends which season is open . So , anyway , I have a standard to uphold , here . Hell . . . I 'm surrounded by good shots . My husband is an expert shot in the military , my sister is pretty scary with a rifle , and my brother regularly gets his limits in season . And my dad ? HA ! Let me tell you : This one time , I was out at his house helping with some yard work and he wanted to move some tin for his roof from out of the yard . Well , he told me that he 'd seen some copperheads recently , and that he wanted me to stand back when he lifted the tin . He was holding a rifle at the time , too . So , I take a couple of steps back as he lifts the tin and before I know it , he 's pushed that tin out of the way , pulled that gun up , aimed , and shot the head off of this little copperhead . It makes a difference that it was a little copperhead , too , because there wasn 't as much to aim at . I mean , the whole thing happened in a matter of maybe five seconds . That was one of those defining moments that I knew my daddy was one of the best . When I applied for the permit , I was told that they 'd either send it to me in about 30 days , or they 'd call me to set up an " APPOINTMENT " . When I heard that , I went back to racking my brain , just to make sure there wasn 't anything I had forgotten . LOL . . . I can see it now . . . . ( Phone rings ) " Well , Claire , it seems we need you to come in and discuss a few things " . All I can say is , I think the statue of limitations ran out on me for biting that little girl in kindergarten , so I should be ok . Whew . . . almost 85 degrees where I am , and it 's so humid , too . It 's just hard to believe that November is a few days away and this is the weather we 're having . Hopefully , it 'll cool down so that I can open all the windows again . There 's nothing like cool , fresh air going through the house , with the curtains billowing out , catching all the smells from outside wafting through . It 's just heaven . The only drawback to this is the amount of dust that comes into the house . It 's as if the dust fairy comes in with the breeze , waves her wand , and * Poof * . . . dust everywhere . Looks like I haven 't dusted in a month . This is a problem . You see , I have standards . . . and these standards dictate that I do not dust more than once every two weeks . It keeps me from becoming obsessive / compulsive . Not that I have any history of this , but you can never be too careful . I 'm picking up my Jeep from the dealership this afternoon . I really hope these are the last of any repairs that will be needed for a long time because I 've got other things I need to spend my money on . . . . like plane tickets to Korea . Thinking of Korea reminds me : we just watched the F1 Gran Prix , which was in Yeongam , Korea . This was the inaugural race for this track . Amazing race . Wet track , plenty of crashes , and it really shook up the leader board for the projected driver 's championship . Oh , how I wish Alyssa and I were going with Bruce . If we were , then we 'd be within reasonable traveling distance to six races . I guess I 'll just have to hold on to the memory of Indianapolis ' 06 . Now , that was , so incredibly , one of those instances of being in the right place at the right time . I may just write about that experience tomorrow . Censorship sucks . I 've just realized that I really have to censor my thoughts on here . Even though the whole point is for me to write about what I find interesting . . . . God knows who 'll take something I write and misconstrue it into something else . It 's a good thing I love my wonderful husband so much . . . and respect his career and clearance , or else I 'd say " Get over it . . . not my problem " . You see . . . I just wrote this interesting post about this stupid punk who was smoking a joint on his front porch today . He happens to live directly across the street . He 's 15 , not in school , and there 's something else going on over there . Well , I called the Sheriff 's dept and reported it . If he 's dumb enough to smoke a joint on his front porch , he deserves to be busted . So , herein lies my issue . . . my previous post was hilarious . . . oh , if you missed it then you just missed it . It was up for all of 10 minutes before my sweet , darling husband SQUASHED it . Oh well . He 's worth it . I just ordered a Hug - A - Hero doll for Alyssa . The people who came up with this idea are brilliant . Not exactly cheap , but I figured it 's well worth the investment . So , I took a few pics of Bruce in his ACU 's and picked out my favorite . This picture will be put on the front of a 17 " pillow . It 's a doll , it 's a pillow . Basically , it 's a pillow in the outline of his body with his photo on the front . The back of the pillow will have the Army digital camo . I splurged and got the voice recorder , too . Now , she 'll be able to hear " I love you sweetie " anytime she wants . Damn near makes me cry . I 'll probably sneak in her room after she 's asleep and ' borrow it ' til the morning . I have no shame . OK , something to laugh about : I got busted dancing like a fool today . Bruce had called and said he 'd be late , so Alyssa and I were killing time listening to Louis Prima and cavorting around downstairs . I was singing at the top of my lungs and doin ' my goofy dance moves that only a toddler can appreciate , when Bruce walked in through the kitchen . Early . I never even heard him . It wasn 't til I saw him that I just about dropped Alyssa and stopped dancing . I forgot that I 'd asked him to take my Jeep and fill the tank , so he parked in the garage instead of coming in the front door . " I 'm just a gigalo , everywhere I go , people know the part I 'm playin ' " . . . well , my time of playin ' the cool and sexy wife just ended . I hope he 'll be able to get the memory from this afternoon out of his head . Hopefully , I 'll restore my image as ' sexy wife ' tomorrow night on our date night . LOL . . . I 'll play hard to get . HAHAHAHAHA ! Today , I have had a couple of conversations that made me think about life and death . So many times , we take for granted the people we have in our lives . Whether it be our children , spouse , parents , siblings , or friends . . . they can be taken away in an instant . Of course , these life moments are never planned . They come on unexpectedly , with great shock . Bruce and I were having to discuss what would happen to Alyssa if , tragically , something happened to us . I realized that this must be something all parents worry about . But then , I began thinking about my parents . Those thoughts made me feel like I was a kid again , waking from a bad dream . My point is : treat those you love better than you treat the acquaintances in your life . Don 't pass up the opportunity to make a phone call to say " Hello , just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you " . Also , make sure the ones you keep close are the ones that deserve to be kept close . Are they bringing anything to the table ? And by that I mean , are they contributing to your happiness and well - being ? Do they think of you first , or as an after - thought ? If not . . . kick their ass to the curb . There 's someone out there to take their place , and do it right ! One always leads to the other . . . . at least for me . Bruce usually gets home in the afternoon and plays with Alyssa to give me some time to myself . That 's when I get a glass of wine . There is , inevitably , some whining throughout the day , so I savor this first glass . I prefer Merlot , and as I start to sip this red concoction , I feel myself begin to let go of the stresses that accumulated throughout the day . Now , let me pause here to interject . . . NO , I do not need wine to wind down . I am perfectly capable of winding down by other measures . Like sex ! But that 's another blog , and I 'm sure I just shocked the hell out of some family members . LOL , I like to do that sometimes . But , anyway . . . as the days wear on , and December cruelly creeps upon us , I wonder what I 'm going to do when he 's not walking in the door around 6pm to relieve me . I dread it . I am so lucky that this man comes home , smiles , kisses me , asks me about my day , then whisks Alyssa away for her bath and bedtime story . It gives me some time to sit at the computer or wander around the kitchen while I cook some chicken . By the time he comes back downstairs , I 'm the bestest , happiest wife a man could ask for . The routine is going to change , though , whether I like it or not . It 's going to be " All Mommy , All the time . " That 's cool . I can deal with it , being the fabulous gal that I am . But don 't y ' all think for a second that I won 't whine about it . On a positive note , what 's going to be really cool is when Alyssa performs a new trick six months from now . The opening line for this will be " Have you ever seen a two year old open a bottle of wine ? " Bit of wisdom : Don 't drink four cups of coffee , when you normally drink two , and expect to feel calm and relaxed . This bit of wisdom I forgot . I had a friend and her daughter over this morning for coffee and a play date , but drank my two normal cups starting at 6 : 30am . So , she shows up with her cutie in tow , and I proceed to have 2 more cups while the girls are playing . About 20 mintues after the fourth cup , I began to sweat . As the saying goes , I felt like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew . Phew . . . my heartrate is up , my hands are shaking , and if it weren 't for my daughter napping , I 'd probably be fiendishly cleaning the house right now . I 'm sure the urge will pass by the time she gets up . Anyway , it 's not smart to operate large machinery under the influence . Vacuum cleaners fall into this category in my book . I am so excited about this weekend ! I 've worked out a babysitting arrangement with a friend , so now we 'll both be able to have date nights with our husbands . Which means Bruce and I will be having dinner and going to a haunted house this Saturday night . I can see it now . . . . : : soft music playing : : . . . . romantic dinner ( in which all we talk about is our daughter ) , then on to a fun - filled time at the haunted house ( of which , in the middle of the haunted house I will think , " Why the HELL did this seem like fun ? ! " ) , then back home by 10 ( which in turn will only make me feel old , considering my nights didn 't even get started until 10 before the baby ) . LOL . . . no , I 'm not really that negative , but while Date Nights are great in theory , they 're hard to live up to . I 'm still excited about it . . . and anyway , all the real fun probably won 't happen til after we get home ; ) Which reminds me of a story : When I was about 17 , I went to a haunted house with several friends . We were all psyched up for having the hell scared out of us . Oh , and the haunted house wasn 't just a house . The way it was set up , you had to go through a house , then go outside to get to a bus which had been decorated and had people hiding in it and they 'd jump out , then we 'd have to run across a field to get to the next designated spot , and so on , and so forth . There were probably five or six different scary themed areas on the property . WELL . . . let me tell you , this was a rude awakening on how friends can leave you high and dry , not caring if you live or die . We were all running from the bus when this ungodly scary guy comes out of the woods with a chainsaw running . It was realistic . Too realistic . Motor was running , he was revvin ' it , and you could even smell the oil comin ' from it . This guy did not look good either . Huge , bloody guy who was yelling loudly how he was going to KILL us . Like I said before , we ran . Took off screaming across the WET grass as if the devil himself were chasing us for our souls . Now , you 'd think if you fell down , a true friend would stop and help you up . They definitely wouldn 't pause , turn around , laugh hysterically , then turn back around and take off running again . Right ? Well , that 's just what I did . I wasn 't stoppin ' for nothin ' . I left poor Andrea laying there on the ground , screaming her head off , as that chainsaw beast was headed towards her . She lived , but that was the night that I realized I needed to work on my trust - building techniques . Well , let 's see . I guess I could introduce myself with a few current facts . I 'm in my thirties . I 'm married to an incredible man who is also a Staff Sergeant in the US Army . We have a daughter , named Alyssa , who is 22 months old . She 's amazingly brilliant , even though she can 't control her bodily functions and has yet to put two different words together . It 'll happen . There is a domesticated miniature tiger who runs around our home . We call her Ginger . As long as she is fed and watered , we 're safe . Currently , we 're living in GA . Of course , being a military family , that will change sooner rather than later . The Army has decided that my husband will be leaving for Korea soon . I thought we 'd all be going together , but . . . . no Kimchi for me . Oh well , I 'm heartbroken , but I just gotta rub some dirt in it , as they say . It will be a year apart , but I 'm not worried about him . Made him sign some contracts in blood and threatened to set his ass on fire if he does anything . By ' anything ' , I mean anything stupid with someone else . It 's my issue , not his . He 's a really good man , but I 'm of the frame of mind " Just because you 're paranoid doesn 't mean someone 's NOT out to get you " . I guess here is a good spot to interject that I am a confident , well - adjusted , brilliant , sexy , and quite humble gal . I 'm just smart enough to realize that I have a real gold nugget of a guy , and I 'm not going to let him get away . So , anyway , time is creeping up on us and we 're trying to get the important things done before he leaves . Like . . . buy a gun . Whooo hooo , I can 't wait . On our anniversary he took me to a firing range and I found out that I am particularly competent with a 9mm . Ah , that was a night . But , I digress . . . . in order to get the gun , I 've got to get a license . Which means I have to get an actual GA driver 's license to do that . Whoops ! I guess I let that one slip for the last two years we 've been here . It 's amazing all the little things that have to be done to be prepared for something like this . I mean , down to getting a peep - hole for the front door ! Which reminds me , I don 't have that on the list . And so the list grows . . . |
10 years ago today my life was turned upside down . I wrote in depth about it two years ago and you can read about it here . One thing that I want to stress is I am not writing about this looking for people to feel sorry for me . Death is a part of our lives and you have two options , bury yourself in grief or move forward . I am going forward and am enjoying life . Subconsciously however , this year it has been more on my mind than in the past . I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I was having a major case of writers block . This is what caused it . I really wasn 't aware of it until I took the time to analyze it . So why is it bothering me more this year ? I believe it is because this is the tenth year . There is something about every 10 that makes it more significant . One of Jack Benny 's long time gags was that he was 39 years old , never turning 40 . The older he got the funnier the joke was , but to some it is no joke . Considering the alternative , I would rather get older . One of my favorite Harry Chapin songs is called There Only Was One Choice . Unless you are a Harry fan you probably have never heard it because it is a 15 minute song . One of my favorite lines from the song is : I have a problem with my agingI no longer can ignoreA tamed and toothless tabbyCan 't produce a lion 's roar . We all know there is only one outcome to life . When younger we feel we are indestructible and don 't worry about it . As we age we begin to accept the inevitability of it . I have debated with myself as to which is harder to deal with , the suddenness of death like with my wife , or the waiting for the inevitable like with my Dad . Neither is easy but life does go on for the rest of us . There is a period of intense grief , but then you have to move forward . I know people who can 't do that . My wife was like that after her dad died . I focus on the now , with occasional side trips like what I have experienced recently . One message I have continually spread is let those you love know how you feel . You really don 't know when you won 't be able to do so anymorPosted by Once again we have someone who failed to use common sense and now wants to sue over it . Lauren Rosenberg is suing Google because she was hit by a car when she followed Google Maps while walking to a destination in Park City , Utah . Part of the route called for her to use a highway . Since there were no sidewalks , Ms . Rosenberg decided the best way to travel that road was to walk down the center of it . Not surprisingly , she was hit by a car . In addition to Google she is also suing the driver who hit her . Her lawyer said he was amazed at the negative publicity that his client has received from this . He also was amazed to learn that there is no Santa Claus . Too many people today need a class in common sense . Ms Rosenberg is in her 20 's , which makes her old enough to know that walking down the middle of a highway is not a good idea . I have not yet ran across a story that says what time the accident happened , but I have seen enough to get the impression that it was in the evening . If that is the case it makes what she did even more ridiculous . It seems today that no one wants to accept responsibility for their actions . If something bad happens the first thing a lot of people do is try to figure out who they can sue . I am not totally against lawsuits . If someone sells a defective product they should be held accountable . If a doctor is truly negligent he should pay the price . However , a company that makes curling irons should not have to tell people not to use this while you are asleep . You are responsible for your own actions . It is time that comes back into effect . A 1965 used Astin Martin . Driven by some guy named Bond while chasing someone with the odd name of Auric Goldfinger . The asking price is only $ 4 million . What a bargain . I am my own tax preparer . I always file form 1040 - EZ so I see no sense in paying someone else to do it . ( Of course that makes my inner Jack Benny happy . ) This year I filed on April 15 because I owed almost $ 100 . The reason that I owed was from working at Taco Bell last year where nothing was withheld . So I filed , paid , and forgot about it . Imagine my surprise when yesterday I recieved a letter from the IRS . The first thing I did was check the name and address . They matched . I opened the envelope , looked at the check , and got very happy . A note in it said I would receive an explanation in a few days . As far as how much I got , lets just say it was a little more than the $ 20 in my illustration . I have another five day vacation coming up this weekend so I will now do a little more than I planned . Incidentally , I will not be taking another blog break this time . Hulk Hogan has been having a rough time lately . He has gone through a well publicized divorce , his son was involved in an automobile accident that left his friend paralyzed , his attempt at showing up Vince McMahon failed , he chemically burned his hair off , and now he claims to be humiliated by a Post cereal commercial . Here is the commercial : Hogan seems to be a little lawsuit happy lately . In addition to Post he is also suing Wells Fargo , claiming that he was under - insured because they never told him he should have had more insurance because of the risks involved with insuring teenage drivers . WHAT ? ? His son was involved in what is called drift racing and had been ticketed several times for speeding . Hogan 's insurance only paid $ 250 , 000 , which was all the coverage that he had paid for . He is claiming that Wells Fargo put his $ 30 million fortune in jeopardy . As I recall during his divorce Hogan was accused of hiding assets . At that time his wealth was estimated at $ 9 . 5 million . Where did the rest of the money come from ? Hogan , you got some ' splainin ' to do . As for the Post commercial , he may have a point as far as the likeness goes . There are rules about using a persons image and I agree that Post does owe him a little money . But as to his claim that he was humiliated by that commercial , poppycock ! ! ( How many times to you see that word any more ? ) How can someone claim humiliation from a cartoon image when he did this ? To quote Stan Lee , " ' Nuff said . " Bun died around 10 : 00 last night , just as I was getting ready for work . He was just laying on the floor and I figured he wouldn 't make it until morning . I petted him for a couple of minutes and then got ready for work . I heard a strange noise and after checking on him realized that what I heard was his last breath . Bun came from a pet store in Rome . She Who Left In The Middle Of The Night wanted a rabbit . I wasn 't enthused about it but agreed to get him . When she departed Bun stayed . He probably wouldn 't have survived the trip and I didn 't mind his being left behind . By then he had been growing on me . I am not sure exactly what happened to him . He hadn 't been real well for a few days but I never realized just how bad he was . His appetite dropped a little but not enough that I was concerned . I am going to miss him , but I won 't be replacing him . I had decided some time ago that he would be the last pet that I would have . I buried him in a wooded area nearby . I took some pictures but the sky was overcast and they didn 't turn out well . When I get better lighting I will take a few more pictures and post them here . Rest in peace little buddy . You will be missed . Tuesday I saw what is being billed as the final Shrek movie . It will probably be the last , but as Sean Connery found out , never say never . I enjoyed this more than the last one but it wasn 't quite as goos as the first two . This time Shrek discovers that being a husband and dad is hard work . He wishes that he could be the ogre that he was for just one day . He is overheard by Rumplestiltskin who gives him the chance to do that . Of course Shrek doesn 't read the fine print in the contract and then has to figure out how to break it . Because he signed the contract Fiona is leading a band of ogres against Rumplestiltskin , Puss has let himself go and has become a real fat cat , and donkey is as annoying as usual . The animation was as great as always and I had a good time , which is what I want when I go out . I saw it in 2D . I am not a big fan of 3D movies . IMDB rates it a 6 . 6 , I gave it an 8 . After I saw Iron Man I stated that it was my favorite super - hero movie . That lasted six weeks until The Dark Knight came out . Iron Man 2 is every bit as good as the original . I am not a big Iron Man comic book fan , I have read some but not much . That has not stopped me from enjoying the movies , but I did have to look a few things up to get a better understanding . The movie universe is much different from the comic book one as far as the characters go . Mickey Roarke was fun watching as Whiplash , even though I never heard him referred to by that name in the movie . The only similarities between him and the comic book version is by name , although they recently did do a story to establish him in the comic book universe . The same can be said for Justin Hammer , played by Sam Rockwell . He is much younger and an American here . I am not complaining about the changes , just pointing them out . I am not sure exactly why the change was made in the James Rhodes character , with Don Cheadle replacing Terrance Howard , but again it didn 't effect the movie . Scarlett Johansson filled out the Black Widow role very nicely . ( When do get a Black Widow movie ? ) Gwyneth Paltrow showed who the real power was in keeping Tony Stark in line . As far as Robert Downey , Jr , he is the perfect choice for Tony Stark . The action is what you would expect for a super - hero movie with great special effects . The fights were good . My favorites were Mickey Roarke tearing up the race in Monaco and the Iron Man - War Machine slugfest in Tony 's house . However , I did find one scene totally unbelievable . I can accept the armor , the whips that Mickey Roarke used , and the robotic soldiers that Iron Man fought . What I can 't accept is the scene where Tony talks to Nick Fury . He is sitting inside a large donut on top of a donut shop . Fury calls up to him and he comes down and they have a conversation inside the shop . What I find totally unbelievable that there were no papparazzi anywhere around . Someone would have called about Iron Man in the donut and they would have been Posted by Anybody care to guess what I am doing today ? I will tell you all about it Thursday because tomorrow I will tell you about Iron Man 2 . My smile for today is from my inner Jack Benny . Matinees are back and it won 't cost quite so much . I am getting ready to head for Dalton now . After all in addition to the movie I need my comic book fix . Someday soon I will post about the books I am currently buying . well , to steal a catch phrase , I 'll see you at the movies . Last week was a bad week for my blog . Each day I started to post an entry and each day ended in failure . The words simply would not flow . It is not the first time that it has happened to me but I was puzzled by it . What I intended to post was something that should have been easily written but I just couldn 't get it right . Tuesday 's post was going to be a quick one detailing my plans for Tuesday night . I went to Dalton to pick up my comics and had to get to bed earlier than usual because I was going to see Iron Man 2 . I tried several approaches but I wasn 't happy with any of them so I quit . Wednesday 's post was going to be a review of Iron Man 2 . Reviews are usually easy for me but once again I couldn 't get it right . I found a picture of the poster to use , uploaded it into a blog post and started writing . After changing the opening sentence 5 times I decided to just leave it alone and write the review Thursday . To borrow a phrase from Herman 's Hermits second verse , same as the first . That left Friday and of course we all know that third times a charm , right . Third verse , same as the first . It was very frustrating for me , especially coming on the heels of my little extended blogging break , which had been longer than I planned on . Friday night at work I was pondering what was going on . One of the great things about doing my job as long as I have is I can put my body on automatic and let my mind wander . I still can get everything done that I need to . The main question to myself was , why are you not writing ? I enjoy writing but lately I have found it hard to do . So what is the problem ? I contemplated it for about half an hour when something happened . I realized what the problem was . So what was it ? I 'll tell you about in a couple of weeks . When I post it you too will see the light . I find a lot of my writing as therapy for me . I have mentioned before this blog has become much more personal than I ever thought it would . The post I am writing is one grand session for me . There are two reasons why I am delaying it . One is itPosted by I enjoy reading restaurant reviews . Most of the restaurants I would never eat at , but I like reading about what they serve . Depending on the paper , some of the reviews are basically ads with no criticism involved . Others will point out all the flaws from the decor to the service . One writer who I like is John Kessler , who writes for the Atlanta Journal - Constitution . He is no longer the restaurant reviewer , but now a food columnist . The other day he did a point / counter - point with a doctor who had written to him . You can read it here . The doctors contention is that the reviewer should be covering the menu from a health perspective , telling calorie counts and nutrition information about what is served . Kessler 's counter to that is it is not the reviewers job to do that . I side with Kessler on this . Last week I mentioned KFC 's Double Down sandwich and how it is the purchasers responsibility for what they consume . The same goes for restaurant reviews . If you are concerned about nutrition it is your place to ask at the restaurant . The reviewer 's job is to let you know what to expect , painting a broad picture of the establishment . If it peaks your interest and you want to know specifics , then place a call and find out . Putting all that into a review would make the review very boring . I understand where the doctor is coming from , but once again it seems like he is advocating personal responsibility being placed in someone elses hands . I don 't need someone else telling me what I should and should not do . I don 't always make the responsible choice , but I live with the consequences of my actions . No one else is to blame . I don 't want the responsibility for anyone else . My smile for the day came from work on Friday night . The frozen foods and dairy truck was four hours late . I went to one of the managers and asked if they knew when the truck would arrive . I was asked , " Are you sure it 's not here yet ? " That is now the second stupidest thing that I have ever heard a manager say . Bengie Molina is mad at ESPN . The other night on Sportscenter they showed Molina getting thrown out at home on a play that most players would have been safe on . When showing it the used slow motion and played a little of the music from the movie Chariots Of Fire . Molina felt he was disrespected . See it for yourself : Personally I think Molina has blown the whole thing out of proportion . The rant was kicked off by Giants beat writer Henry Schulman who blogged about it on the San Francisco Chronicle website . Molina then commented on it in his blog at MLB . com . Bengie , what part of it was a joke don 't you understand . I am sure you have been called much worse at the ballpark . He admitted he was the slowest runner in the league and the tape shows why . I can relate to being slow . When I ran in school they timed me with a sun dial . I find it hard to feel sorry for Bengie . He makes over $ 6 million . If you are an athlete and you mess up you are open for ridicule . You need to take a page from a former catchers book . In his book A Catcher In The Wry , Uecker talked about his speed on the basepaths . He said they would whip the ball around the infield and still throw him out . It 's just a game Bengie . There is no reason to get mad over something that small . For the record , I would also knock any Cubs player who did the same thing . While I was on my little hiatus , KFC came out with their newest offering , the Double Down . It is simple enough , two chicken breasts with bacon and cheese between them . It is eaten like a sandwich with the major difference being there is no bun . Of course this caused an outcry from those who claim that this is one of the reasons we are facing an obesity problem in this country . I have no use for people like that . First of all , is it any of their business what someone eats ? Secondly , who made them the judge over this ? I agree many people in this country could stand to lose some weight . I am one of them . It is my choice what to eat . I will not have a stranger telling me what to eat . I get a little tired of people picking on certain businesses and blaming them for the ills of this country . Normally when it comes to food it is McDonald 's that they go after . How nutritionally terrible is the Double Down ? Calorie and fat wise it is similar to a Big Mac . Those complaining need take into account two things . First the restaurant is KFC . It is not a health food place . Second , no one is forcing you to eat there . Maybe I just look at things differently , but if I am offended by a business or a product I simply ignore them . Getting vocal about it doesn 't solve anything . So would I eat a Double Down ? Of course I would and I did yesterday . My opinion ? It wasn 't bad but I won 't buy another one . My inner Jack Benny objects to the price . I 've got to keep Jack happy . What we have here is . . . failure to communicate . The Captain , Cool Hand Luke . Wal - Mart is striving to become a green company . We have always recycled cardboard and a few years ago we started recycling plastic , not just the bags you get but all the plastic that is used on cases . Now we are going one step further . Compost piles are now being fed the produce , thawed frozen foods , and dairy products . So what does that have to do with communication ? This was implemented but no one told those of us who work on third shift about it . Since then I have heard three different stories about what exactly is to be saved . The bad thing about the way this has been implemented is the powers that be seem to be leaving it open to interpretation . That is always scary because two people can read the same thing and walk away with different meanings . I am not complaining about having to do it , although it does make it a little more difficult for me , I just wished it had been explained better . I think recycling is a good thing . I had been good about it for years but lately I hadn 't been doing it . About a month ago I decided to quit being so lazy and so once again I am doing it . Here in Calhoun they will take tin cans , plastic containers , glass bottles , aluminum cans , newspaper and cardboard . I used to have a lot of newspaper , I would buy two a day , but with the price increases of papers I have just been getting my news online . My smile for the day was caused by whoever sets pricing on grocery items for Wal - Mart . Our current price for Velveeta Shells and Cheese is $ 1 . 75 . The varieties of it , bacon , broccoli , etc , is $ 1 . 74 . I 'm back . Did you miss me ? O . K . What clown there said " you were gone ? ' Anyway , I was hanging with my new friends Elvis and Bigfoot . We have been flying around in a UFO eating peanut butter and banana sandwiches . Not buying that one , eh . I just needed a little break away from writing . My vacation was nice . My Lady and I went to the Chattanooga Zoo . It is not a large zoo but is very nice . I will be going back , but will go alone . I enjoyed seeing it with My Lady , but she goes a little faster than I like to . Here are some pictures that I took while there . They have a petting zoo there . You had to walk through the pen to see these Shetland ponies . Behind the ponies was a camel . I cropped this picture so you would get a better look at this peacock . This is my favorite of the pictures that I took . I am currently using the full version of this as my wallpaper . The zoo has five chimpanzees . This is the only one that was out while we were there . A couple of minutes after I took this the chimp gave us a different view . A lot of the pictures that I took didn 't turn out as well as I would have liked , but I need more practice . The ones of the more exotic animals were not good . When I go back I 'll try again . The day after the zoo we took My Lady 's grandson to the Tellus Museum in Cartersville , Georgia . I had heard of it before but I thought it was more of a rock and minerals museum . I was definately wrong . Those are there , but there is so much more . They have old cars , a replica of the Wright Brothers flier , a replica of a Gemini space capsule , a replica of Apollo 1 after the fire , and much more . Once again , I will be going back by myself . I took a few pictures but will post them after I go back . To me we ran through it so I will go at my pace . I will post one more picture before I leave , this of my partner in crime , Bun . He seems to think he is a cat now . For awhile he was happy to sit on my lap for a few minutes . Now he wants to lay on my chest . I will try to take a picture of him and I will post that when I get it . I am on vacation and will be back posting Saturday . Before I go I wanted to share something that my niece sent me . This is what the email said : This is pretty simple . . . . Please ask ten friends to each ask a another ten to forward this e - mail today ! The Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily so they can meet their quota of getting FREE FOOD donated every day to abused and neglected animals . It takes less than a minute ( about 15 seconds ) to go to their site and click on the purple box " fund food for animals for free . " This doesn 't cost you a thing . Corporate sponsors / advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate food to abandoned / neglected animals in exchange for advertising . Here 's the web site ! Please pass it along to people you know . http : / / www . theanimalrescuesite . com / I am always skeptical about things like this , but this one is legitimate . Take a minute and help feed some animals that need it . I will be going back every day as long as they do this . The philosophy behind the phrase the customer is always right is sound , but it was never meant to taken literally . From a business sense , without customers you have no business . On the other hand , there are some customers who are more trouble than they are worth . Some people seem to believe that they can enter a store and be treated like royalty . They would complain even if you shined their shoes and waxed their car . We have to tolerate a lot , but if a customer is abusive to us they will be told to leave . I have never been impressed with someone telling that a certain store does things better then we do . If you really feel that way then why aren 't you shopping there ? When they are in that store they probably tell the employees there that Wal - Mart is a much better store than they are . There are also those who believe they are much smarter than the stores employees . In all fairness , they are some retail workers and management who , to use an old phrase , couldn 't pour pee out of a boot with instructions written on the heel . I had a customer the other night tell me that I didn 't know what I was talking about . She was wanting a Smithfield shank ham . She had asked some others and they came and got me . When it comes to meat I do have some retail experience . The first grocery store that I worked in I spent a few hours every week behind a meat counter . I found a shank ham and gave it to her . I was told it wasn 't a shank because it didn 't say so on the label . The label read half ham , which was the same wording on the butt end hams . I really wanted to ask the lady if she had ever bought a ham before , but of course I didn 't . That morning I talked to one of our meat guys about it . ( They don 't work third shift . ) He told me they used to have shank on the label but they quit doing that . I guess the lady will just have to switch brands . Today 's smile comes from the department of redundancy department . Last night I was breaking down the pallets of frozen foods . In addition to the merchandise that I stock they are products for the meaPosted by Something unusual happened to me the other night . A customer asked for a product and I had no idea where he could get the item at . I realize that statement makes me sound conceited , or as My Lady charmingly phrases it , a sexual intellect , ( an f ' n know it all ) , but I have worked retail long enough that I know where you can find almost anything . If it is in Wal - Mart I can at least send you to the right department , or if they don 't carry it I can tell you where to go get it at . The product the gentleman was looking for was powdered eggs . He had a recipe that he needed it for . I have never seen it in any stores that I have been in but I will be looking closer in the future . It is available on - line , but you should be able to walk in a store and get it . Probably the best place would be a store that sells camping supplies , or a bakery supply store . That is something I 'm going to check on while I 'm on vacation next week . I enjoy walking through stores , seeing what merchandise they have and how it is displayed . There is a psychology to selling . When I worked for Woolco I was the shoe department manager . One trick I was taught was to put the flashiest shoes on the first five feet of sales space . The object was to catch the customers eye and hopefully get them to walk down and check out the rest of the aisle . A good display can make or break a product . A lot of thought goes into product placement . One example of that is canned soup . It is very rare to see chicken noodle or tomato an any shelf other than the bottom one . The reason for that is people don 't need any real incentive to buy those . They will seek them out . What you find at eye level are the varieties that are more impulse buys . You really didn 't come in looking for it , but it sounds interesting and you give it a try . It really does work . Today 's smile comes from a case of Barber 's Chicken Cordon Blue that I stocked last night . Barber 's motto is " Dinner , Rescued . " On their cases they have a definition ; Refrigerator Coma n ( 2008 ) Condition brought on by a lack of interePosted by Mac Davis and the Muppets . What more could you ask for ? Today 's smile may be your groan . I like puns . Here are a few I found on Mark Evanier 's website . A vulture boards an airplane , carrying two dead raccoons . The stewardess looks at him and says , " I 'm sorry , sir , only one carrion allowed per passenger . " Two fish swim into a concrete wall . The one turns to the other and says " Dam ! " Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly , so they proving once again that you can 't have your kayak and heat it too . Two hydrogen atoms meet . One says " I 've lost my electron , " The other says , " Are you sure ? " The first replies " Yes , I 'm positive . " Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal ? His goal : transcend dental medication . A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories . After about an hour , the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse . " But why ? " they asked , as they moved off . " Because " , he said , " I can 't stand chess - nuts boasting in an open foyer . " A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption . One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named " Ahmal . " The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him " Juan . " Years later , Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother . Upon receiving the picture , she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal . Her husband responds , " They 're twins ! If you 've seen Juan , you 've seen Ahmal . " These friars were behind on their belfry payments , so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds . Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God , a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair . He asked the good fathers to close down , but they would not . He went back and begged the friars to close . They ignored him . So , the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart , the roughest and most vicious thug in town to " persuade " them to close . Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store , saying he 'd be back if they didn 't close up shop . TerPosted by My niece sent me an email with several pictures like this . It was titled Photos Taken at The Right Angle . I 'll be posting more over the next few weeks . I enjoy reading about dumb criminals . It is amazing what people think they can actually get away with . The other day at Wal - Mart a man was arrested for shoplifting . According to him his girlfriend sent him to the store to steal . Not only that , she had given him a list . His story was supported by the list being on a text message on his phone . His girlfriend is being charged with being an accessory . As dumb as that was it will be very hard for anyone to top Albert Bailey of Bridgeport , Connecticut . Bailey phoned a branch of the People 's Bank in Fairfield , Connecticut and told them to have a bag containing $ 100 , 000 ready or there would be a bloodbath . The bank went on lockdown and of course called the police . What they were not aware of was Baily had a 16 year old accomplice already in the bank . He handed a teller the note unaware of the fact someone else was calling the police . They gave him a bag containing $ 9000 and let him out of the bank as Bailey pulled up . Of course the police grabbed them immediately . They both should have plenty of time to think about the errors of their ways . I had said I was going to post something every day that made me smile . This story was it . I love this picture . The artist is Andrew Zubko . When this painting started making the rounds he wasn 't being credited for it . He said he didn 't mind it being seen , just give him the credit he is due . Great job , Andrew . I just thought about it . In a Wal - Mart in Turnersville , New Jersey someone actually did it . About 5 : 00 PM on Sunday there was an announcement for all blacks in the store to get out . The store manager then got on the intercom and told everyone that wasn 't true . They are investigating now to figure out who made the announcement . If it turns out to be an employee he will obviously be fired , and then face legal charges . So how did they access the phones if it wasn 't an employee ? It is not hard . Most of the phones have the intercom on speed dial . They even are labeled , which makes it that much easier . If the phone doesn 't have that , there is a code that we can punch in to use it . I look for all the stores to go back to that system now . I have a hard time understanding that type of thinking . I have no prejudices when it comes to people . I judge them by their character , not the color of their skin or their nationality . There are good and bad in all peoples . After all , for those of us who are white , would we want to be compared with Charles Manson and Jeffrey Dahmer ? I treat everyone the same until they give me a reason not too . I hope they catch the nut who did this . It will probably turn out to be an ex - employee or someone who just hates Wal - Mart . There are plenty of those people to go around . This was my smile of the day . I have posted some examples of Last Kiss before . This is one of my favorites . I am a great procrastinator . Last year I had planned on doing a lot of sight - seeing and I ended up for the most part just staying home . I am changing that this year . I have already made a list of places I want to see . I have two lists , one for short trips that can be done on my days off , and one for longer ones that I will do when I am on vacation . There are 13 places on the short list , 10 on the long one . I will probably add a few more before the year is out . I have decided to blog about each place when I go . I will also take some pictures when I am there and I will post the best of those here . The majority of them will be Civil War related , but not all . I enjoy Civil War battlefields , museums , zoos , and off beat tourist attractions . An example of one of those is a trip I am planning to Corbin , Kentucky to see the first Kentucky Fried Chicken , which is now a museum . I was there about eight years ago and couldn 't go in because they were renovating the place . I get two weeks vacation but the way I take it I get one full week off and three five day vacations . The five days I take from Saturday through Thursday . I am taking one of those on Easter weekend , the second the first week in June , and the last the first week in August . I will take a full week around Labor Day , which is when I visiting in Illinois . Next month My Lady and I are planning on spending the day in Chattanooga , but we haven 't finalized our plans yet . My dad told me to do whatever traveling I could when I had the chance . He always wanted to and planned on doing it when he retired . Unfortunately his health prevented him from doing much . Now I will get off my lazy butt and see some things . On the Captain Comics Board there is a thread called What Made You Smile Today ? Every post I will mention something that made me smile the previous day . I have been planning on doing this for about a week but as I said , I am a great procrastinator . Yesterday I posted something there . I am going to put it here , but this will be a longer version because a lot of you donPosted by A wise man once said it is better to keep your mouth shut and to be thought of as an idiot , than to open your mouth and prove it . Unfortunately politicians and celebrities are unfamiliar with that philosophy . ( Although it is fortunate for us so we can poke fun at them . ) A bill has been introduced in the New York State legislature to ban the use of salt in all food preparations in restaurants . Customers would be allowed to use salt shakers . The man who introduced the bill is Felix Ortiz , a Democrat from Brooklyn . The reason he proposed the bill is because his dad used too much salt , developed high blood pressure and had a heart attack . Using that logic I would guess had his dad died in a car accident he would be proposing banning all cars . Assemblyman Ortiz has admitted he knows nothing about cooking and never studied what effect this bill would have on the restaurant industry . ( I was stunned by that revelation . I figured the man was a Rhodes Scholar . ) The best comment I read was from a man who claimed Ortiz should go back to his Puerto Rican roots . Before you think that was a racial slam the man who suggested it was Senator Reverend Ruben Diaz , a fellow Puerto Rican . You can read his remarks here . I could be wrong , but my belief is this bill was introduced as a way for Assemblyman Ortiz to make a name for himself . He would bill himself about the man who cares for the health of the people . He has made a name for himself , but it is not what he imagined . I took a little bit of time to exam his record . I spent a little time checking out the bills he has sponsored . I quit counting after I hit 150 . That doesn 't count the ones he is co - sponsoring . Life shaking things like ordering health inspectors to educate food workers about allergens , authorizing school districts to come up with drug policies for students and mandating drug testing for police officers at least 4 times a year . I guess he is trying to justify his salary . With all of the financial troubles we are facing today I believe that lawmakers should be concentraPosted by I saw this painting the other day and I would love to own , but the $ 900 price tag puts it a little out of my reach . The artist is Dave MacDowell . If you have some time check out some of his other paintings . The Lord Of The Rings is my all time favorite movie . I count all three movies as one . I 'll talk about that the other day . In yesterday 's comments comments Caron said " I usually just shrug it off or complain to a friend in a mocking sort of way like , " Can you believe they don 't love me anymore ? They stopped selling the only yogurt I will eat : raccoon and pomegranate ! " I forgot that I was going to mention that I went around telling people that we wouldn 't be getting any more bonuses because that lady wasn 't buying any more fifty cent yogurts . By the way Caron , the reason that we quit carrying the raccoon and pomegranate is because pomegranate is so out of style . We have replaced it with raccoon and acai berry . Seriously , acai berry is hot right now . They have just put it out in a pudding with dark chocolate . Inventory is Thursday morning and I won 't be there . I am holding back the tears real well . Now if they will give me off Black Friday my year will be fantastic . I 'm not holding my breath on that one . I 'll be shocked if I get it off . The other night I heard the words that anyone who has worked retail for any length of time has heard , " I 'm never shopping here again . " What tragedy occurred that drove the lady to utter that you ask . We reset the yogurt section and we no longer carry the flavor of yogurt she buys . I know , a really tragic situation . Of course she was blaming me for it . Yes , I called the office and told them to drop that yogurt just so she would no longer shop there . Note to self , be more subtle next time . The customers are catching on . Naturally I was non - committal in dealing with her . According to her that was the only reason that she ever set foot in Wal - Mart . My eyes must have been playing tricks on me , but it appeared that she had a few other items in her cart . I didn 't bother pointing that out to her . Another thing that I didn 't bother pointing out was the cost of the " only item " that she ever came to Wal - Mart for was 50 cents a container . First of all , if that is all you come for , why bother ? Secondly , do you really think that your not buying a fifty cent item is going to make a difference to us ? Of course this is not the first time I have heard this threat . Complaining to the stockers does not get you any results . All we do is put the merchandise out . We have no say in what is sold . The store manager does not have that much say . They can request a certain item , but there is no guarantee that the buyers will agree . Also you need to realize that all Wal - Mart Supercenters are not equal , some being larger than others . Our store is one of the medium sized ones . You may find a certain grocery item in one store , but not the next one you go in . There simply isn 't room for everything . There are several reasons why something is dropped . First , the total sales of the item may not be high enough and they want something else in its place . Secondly , a manufacturer may not be able to produce the volume of product needed to place it in Wal - Mart . Finally , the volume may not be enough for the manufacturer and they have discontinued making it . YPosted by The last concert I attended was in January , 1978 . As you can tell from the concerts I have been too , my musical tastes are all over the board . I like a little bit of everything , with very few exceptions . In seeing three concerts I paid a total of $ 19 . 50 . That wouldn 't even get in the door today . Last year I wrote about receiving mail for my wife . I still am getting the mail , at least three a month . I did get one of them stopped . She was sent a letter wanting to sell her car insurance . I then received a follow - up phone call . When they asked to speak with her I informed the lady that she was dead . The lady was extremely apologetic and I have not heard from them since . Yesterday I recieved a letter from the National Institute Of Infant Nutrition . It was a survey for her to fill out . One thing that the survey said that made me shake my head was " Please be assured that we will not sell your name to anyone . " I wonder how they got her name ? The survey came complete with a postage paid envelope . I am returning the survey , unfilled of course , along with the following note : Please remove Debra 's name from your database . I don 't know where you got her name from , but she died on June 5 , 2000 . For the last year I have been receiving baby mailings addressed to her . I would appreciate it if you could stop some of this . Thank you . The note was a lot tamer than what originally went through my mind to write . My original thoughts were both rude and sarcastic . I decided that tone was not needed . I am curious if you think I did the right thing by writing or do you think I should have just thrown it away ? Originally I found it funny , but I am now getting a little annoyed by it . A couple of weeks ago I wrote about a copy of Action number 1 that sold for a million dollars . At that time I questioned whether or not it was an actual sale or a publicity stunt . As far as I can tell it was a legitimate sale , however it is no longer the most expensive comic book . A copy of Detective number 27 has sold at auction for $ 1 , 075 , 500 . I am amazed that someone is paying that much for a comic book in this economy , but if that is what makes them happy , more power to them . I am a comic book collector , but mainly I am a comic book reader . I am more concerned with reading the story than I am the value of the book . I buy a lot of collections that reprint the stories , which is usually a lot cheaper than buying the individual issues . I know people who buy books and then store them away without reading them . I don 't do that . My collection isn 't going to make me rich , but that 's O . K . It makes me happy , which is what it 's all about . The second concert I went to was Barry Manilow . I saw him in 1975 . This was the most expensive concert I went to . It cost me $ 7 . 50 . Early in his career he wrote commercial jingles . This is a medley of those . Have you ever thought to yourself , you know it would be great to have a lamp with a bacon lampshade . Well today is your lucky day . If you go here you can learn how to make one . If you have a bacon lampshade , wouldn 't it be great if you could go around smelling like bacon ? If you go here you can buy some bacon soap . I approach work differently than most of my co - workers . I work frozen foods two nights a week , Sunday and Monday . The other person is always complaining about how much they have to do and swear there is no way they can get it done . Normally they are also exaggerating how much freight they have to work . There are a couple of reasons why they can 't get it done . One is the way they organize the freight and the second is their defeatist attitude . When the attitude is I am not going to get the job done anyway why should I bother to try hard . I thought about them Monday night when I opened the freezer door and saw what was there . The truck had about 1100 pieces on it . I always look up the delivery schedule the night before so I know what to expect . 1100 may seem like a lot , but it is split between frozen foods , dairy , lunch meats , frozen meats , deli and bakery . There were 10 pallets on the truck and six of them were frozen . Our other frozen foods worker would have been flipping out , since three - fourths of that was our freight . Instead of saying there is too much here I simply started working on it . They would have been correct in saying one person can 't get all that done . The first decision I made was to break down four of the pallets . I did not do the ice cream pallet because ice cream takes longer to than the rest . It comes in wrapped in plastic , usually 4 containers to a package . Cutting that off is somewhat time consuming so I left it . I also decided not to break down what we call the bunker pallet . The bunkers are the cases that you bend over and reach into . The one we stock has burritos , corn dogs , and pre - cooked chicken products in it . Normally we only have 15 to 20 cases on that pallet . So that left me with four pallets to do . One thing that I do differently is I break all of the pallets down at once instead of stocking them one at a time . When I break them down I use three empty pallets and a cart . One of the pallets is for all the dinners , one for for vegetables , fish , and snacks like pizza rolls and cheese stiPosted by 14 years ago today my wife and I moved to Georgia . We had both lived all of our lives in central Illinois , except for a five month period shortly after our marriage when we lived in the Chicago area . So why did we uproot and move 600 miles ? At that time we had been married 18 years . Our marriage was going through a rough period and I was being hassled at my job . We decided a change of scenery might help strengthen our relationship . My mother - in - law had moved to Calhoun a few years before . She had been trying to get us to move here , but we had always resisted . I have mentioned before that she never liked me so I wasn 't crazy about the idea . My wife was a little hesitant too because of the way she was treated , yet we decided to come . One big factor was my mother - in law worked at the hospital and they were needing a housekeeper . I was wanting to do something different , I had been cleaning for 16 years , but I took the job until I could find something else . A little more than a year later I went to work for Kmart . Things did come crashing down when my wife died in 2000 . After the funeral one of her brothers asked me how soon was I moving back to Illinois . My comment to him was " what for ? " I enjoy living here . I had a job and I couldn 't see starting over again . Not to mention the fact that Illinois has winter . I lost all enjoyment of wintertime when I was 13 and my hands were frostbitten . At times I do miss being around my family , but I go and see everyone once a year . It is nice seeing them , but when I come back and cross the Georgia line I feel like I am home . Never say never , but I don 't foresee anything happening where I will move again . I have mentioned before that I have been to three concerts in my life , the last one in 1977 . For the next three weeks I will embed one video from each of the performers . Harry Chapin is one of my favorite singers . He did not get much radio play other than his song Cat 's In The Cradle . For the most part his songs were too long for radio . Today is the National Rare Disease Day . I have mentioned before that My Lady has neurofibromatosis . According to the website of NORD , the National Organization for Rare Disorders , there are over 7000 rare diseases and over 30 million Americans affected by them . Those of us with good health sometimes take it for granted . If you are not effected you should count your blessings . My Lady does not let her condition get her down . It is part of what makes her unique and what I love about her . I got some news at work last night that makes me feel like these guys . It concerns inventory at Wal - Mart . I have discussed before , here and here , just how much of a thrill I get at inventory time . I look so forward to this time of the year . The only thing comparable would be Black Friday . Just the thought of working the night before , when most of the night is spent just straightening the counters to get it ready for counting is so exciting . The bad news is this year inventory takes place on March 18 , which is a Thursday morning . That is my regular day off so I will miss out on all the fun of preparing for it . I am so depressed . I thought about jumping out the window of my apartment , but I 'm on the ground floor . Sticking my head in the oven wouldn 't work because it 's an electric oven . I tried taking a bunch of pills , but they turned out to be M & M 's . Oh , well , I guess I will just have to be brave and suffer through . Now if any of you actually bought any of that I deserve this . Not only am I off , My Lady is too . Since it is a payday , we will go out and eat . We will try very hard not to laugh at our co - workers who are stuck in the store getting ready . I find straightening like that to be one of the boringest things that can be done in retail . It is a necessary evil , like enduring Black Friday . The work is not hard , but the night seems to go so slow . This is the first time in the five years that I 've worked at Wal - Mart that I have missed an inventory . I promise not to celebrate too much . I remember in the ' 70 's a young man bought a copy of Action 1 , the first appearance of Superman , and paid the then - shocking price of $ 1800 . The fact that he paid that much was known because he basically called up a reporter and bragged about what he had done . His 15 minutes of fame also got him an appearance on The Tomorrow Show with Tom Snyder . I had not thought about him in years until this story caught my attention . The story claims that someone has bought a copy and actually paid a million dollars for it . I have not looked into it much yet , but I am a little skeptical of this story . First of all , the buyer and seller are both anonymous . Granted , if I paid a million dollars for a book I wouldn 't want much publicity . Of course , if I did it the first question the authorities would have for me is where did you get the money . Secondly , the person quoted in the article is affiliated with the Comic Book Collecting Association , an organization that has been active all of 24 hours . I may be wrong , but I smell a publicity stunt . Tonight I will look closer into this story and will say a little more about it tomorrow . I am a 57 year old single man who likes to have fun and doesn 't take life too seriously . I was married for almost 22 years which ended when my wife passed away in 2000 . I had another relationship which lasted almost 4 years . There is no real theme for this blog . I have many varied interests as you will discover . I hope you enjoy what you read . Comments and questions are welcome and appreciated . |
Tate Mackenzie has signed on for a weekend of kinky fun at the hands of respected Dom , James Lucas . However , James has invited another man , twenty - four year - old Sebastian Doucette , to join in . Thrown together under James ' expert tutelage , the two men experience an instant attraction and begin a tentative relationship on their own time . But James hasn 't been entirely honest with the boys and soon Tate finds himself the focus of two infatuated men . How will he choose the man he wants or the lifestyle he desires to pursue ? Tate and Sebastian are having trouble maintaining a successful monogamous relationship . When trust is betrayed and old friends reappear , the men are faced with the challenge of making things work or changing the way they will be together . Nobody ever said relationships were easy , and when sexy Dom James Lucas swoops in at the right time , things get even more complicated . Or do they ? Do gay men have to tow the traditional line , or is there room for a new definition of true love ? It 's been five years since James , Tate and Sebastian moved in together to enjoy a three - way BDSM relationship and James is turning fifty . After enjoying a surprise party and thoughtful gift , the health crisis of a close friend necessitates a trip to Montreal , followed by a snowy Christmas getaway in Mont Tremblant . Soon , an unexpected event challenges the dynamics of the relationship . Will the sudden appearance of family members , old friends , and new acquaintances cause insurmountable problems or present an opportunity to demonstrate the real meaning of togetherness ? I didn 't get out of there until five thirty , so barely had time to get home , grab a quick bite , shower , dress and make it to James ' place for the designated hour . Luckily , I pulled into his driveway with ten minutes to spare . James did not look kindly upon tardiness and I didn 't want to start off on the wrong foot . Not a good idea to piss off your Dom before a weekend of voluntary submission . I got out of my little red Civic and approached the house , straightening my jacket and brushing mostly imaginary dust and dirt off my jeans . I had dressed casual sexy , not wanting to give the impression that I thought this a huge occasion - even though I actually did . I had waited months for this weekend , and it was almost upon me . To say I was excited would be a serious understatement . I rang the bell and after a few moments the door opened . James Lucas stood there , in the flesh . In the absolutely gorgeous , dick - hardening , heartbeat - quickening flesh . My eyes raked over him , taking in his handsome face with the slightly graying goatee , intelligent brown eyes , and those soft , curved lips that formed themselves into a welcoming smile . He tilted his shaved head slightly , conveying a sexy confidence and faith in his own intrinsic attractiveness . The man had presence . " Here , I 'll take your coat , " he said , holding out his broad , beautifully masculine hand . I noticed how long and elegant his fingers were as I peeled off my brown leather jacket and handed it to him , our eyes meeting for a moment . The message in his went straight to my groin and I felt my dick start to react . Jesus , what he did to me . " Come into the living room , please . " He gestured towards the large room to the left of the hall . His voice sounded a warm tenor - melodious and smooth . I preceded him into the room , hoping that he checked me out in my carefully chosen jeans and black Sex Pistols t - shirt . I 'd found the latter at Value Village a few weeks ago and knew it would be the perfect club shirt , not to mention the perfect " meeting your Dom before playtime " shirt . Nothing beat retro punk wear , in my opinion . " Have a seat , Tate . And you can relax . We 're meeting as equals here to discuss the weekend . You don 't have to take on the sub role quite yet . When you arrive here next Friday , the situation will be different . But for now , we 're just friends discussing an upcoming event . " " Would you like something to drink ? " he asked as he poured himself some Jack Daniel 's . " You know I don 't permit any alcohol for my subs , but we 're not quite there yet . If you 'd like something , you 're welcome to it . " I shook my head . " I 'd better not . I have to drive home . " I wasn 't exactly sure how long our meeting would last . He regarded me with a little smile . " I thought perhaps , after we discuss the technicalities , I could reintroduce you to my loft for a short session . " His intelligent eyes conveyed lust and desire and mischief . " If you like . " I nodded . " Yeah , but I didn 't . . . prepare . . . in any other way . " I knew that James liked his subs absolutely clean , inside and out , before they went into the loft . He laughed . " Don 't worry about that . We won 't get that far today . " He sat down across from me in the armchair and sipped his drink . " I usually don 't drink before a session . But this will be a casual one , and I 'm only having a bit . Are you interested ? Or would you rather just wait until next weekend ? It 's entirely your choice , Tate . There 's no wrong answer . " He leaned forward . " Just tell me what you want . " He brought out the contract he 'd prepared . We went through it page by page , discussing my hard and soft limits , goals , fears , strengths and weaknesses . We spoke about the safe words and hand signals I would use and that there would be no punishment for safe - wording . It simply meant the session would end immediately . There was no reason it couldn 't be resumed soon after , if mutually agreed upon . It didn 't take that long . By the time we finished , my arousal level had gone from Code Orange to Code Red . This matter - of - fact discussion of the intimate details of various Dom / sub scenarios , implements of pleasure and torture , and ways of using them , proved very effective . Thank goodness he had suggested a short session , because if he hadn 't , I 'd have had to drive home with an aching , leaking cock in my pants . I 'd need to be careful though , and follow his instructions . Because I knew it would amuse him to send me home in this state , or a worse one , if I didn 't please him . Even though he 'd said this would be a casual session , we 'd still be playing as Dom and sub , and I knew exactly what that meant . " Well , I think that 's everything . " He had me sign in a few places and then put the papers into a large manila envelope . " I 'm just going to put these away . Why don 't you meet me upstairs ? Keep your clothes on but take your shoes and socks off . You don 't have to kneel on the floor but I 'd like you standing next to the spanking bench . " He left the room . I took off my shoes and socks and put them near my jacket in the hall . Then I padded quietly up the circular stairs to the second floor , down the hall past the guest bathroom , and up one more flight until I reached the familiar double doors . I tried the handles . They were unlocked so I pushed the doors open and entered James ' converted attic room . Not the typical dungeon that you would expect - dark and dimly lit and filled with frightening implements . The airy space gave forth a different vibe . The two uncovered windows looked out from the second floor room onto open fields at the back . Natural light shone in through a skylight in the middle of the ceiling , illuminating everything . I knew James ' tastes . If he wanted to place someone in darkness he would blindfold them . But he wanted to see everything . He wanted to see the sunlight glinting off the sweaty skin of his sub , to see it glancing off the steel of the cage on his sub 's straining cock . He wanted to see the sparkle on a dewdrop of moisture leaking from his sub 's captured penis . He 'd told me that he found all of it beautiful . Instead of a massive four - poster bed , like I 'd read about in fictional playrooms , a simple , sturdy bed frame and mattress stood against one wall . Bigger than king size and covered with expensive looking sheets , it became a focal point , but didn 't overshadow the rest of the room . There were obvious places to attach wrist cuffs or ankle cuffs , and even some eye hooks on the wall above the head of the bed . A mesh swing device hung from the ceiling to the left of the mattress . It looked mighty comfy , made from soft ropes and hung like a hammock . But I knew the torture that could be dealt out there - teasing and toying that had you screaming in frustration before he 'd let you come . It frightened and excited me at the same time . On the wall to the right of the mattress stood the typical St . Andrew 's Cross . Painted dark brown to stand out against the sand - colored walls , it looked quite modern and high tech . There were eye hooks everywhere , it seemed , so that a person could be attached to the cross in all sorts of different ways . There was even a spot that would hold a dildo in place so a person could be restrained and impaled at the same time . I walked over to it , admiring its simplicity and workmanship . Made of solid oak , with leather pads where the sub 's knees and ankles would be positioned , it looked like a strange upside - down chair . There were four stand - alone supports , one for each knee and forearm . All the supports were fitted with bindings to secure the sub in place . I glanced over at James ' selection of crops and paddles , then back at the spanking bench . I had listed being spanked as one of my favorite things to do in the loft , and I wasn 't lying . For some reason , an older , sexy , dominant guy whacking my ass with a crop or a flogger or a paddle sent me to the moon . I stood staring at the bench , imagining James ' practiced strikes until my cock grew so hard I thought it might rip through my jeans . Then I heard his footsteps on the stairs . My knees went weak . It would have been easier to kneel , but I stood beside the spanking bench with my eyes on the floor as I heard the doors open . I heard him chuckle softly . " Oh , yes . You look wonderful standing there , waiting for me , " he said huskily , and I felt my cock throb . He closed the doors and locked them , then came closer . I saw his bare feet and the bottom of his black jeans . He took my chin in his hand , tilting my face up so I could look him in the eyes . I expected him to tell me to strip , but instead he told me to get up on the bench . I wondered if he would keep me clothed today . I really didn 't know what to expect . He unzipped me and grabbed the waist of my jeans and black boxer briefs , pulling everything down past my hips . Since my legs splayed out a bit , he couldn 't get them any farther down . For some reason , this made me feel more vulnerable than if I 'd been completely naked . I struggled in my bonds and glanced back desperately . Oh Christ . I 'd forgotten about James ' predilection for smoothly shaven men . It had been awhile since I 'd been for a waxing . I blushed with shame and embarrassment . Suddenly his hand disappeared . Then I felt it come down on my ass cheek , hard . He spanked me three times , in the same spot . I groaned . It was so long since I 'd had this . . . I moaned as my ass swayed from side to side with the joy of it . Suddenly , I felt his warm hand on my cock . I cried out in surprise and at the wonderful feel of it . " Oh , yes . You do like that . Very much , eh ? " His voice came silky and soft from his throat , as if he were trying to seduce me , when he already had me very much at his mercy . " Very well . " He walked over to the wall and selected a small flat wooden paddle from the rack . My heart started to race as I realized what I was in for . He came back over and showed it to me . " I 'm going to paddle you ten times with this , Tate . Then we 'll see how you do . Maybe I 'll paddle you ten more times after that . Then I 'm going to play with your cock until you come . Does that sound nice ? " I counted as each blow landed on my poor bottom , each one sending pain signals to my ass and pleasure signals to my cock . How that worked I really had no idea . I just knew it did . By the time James landed the tenth blow I think I could have come , hands free , with another strike or two . And by my reactions , he knew it . He spoke with obvious excitement in his breathless words . " Oh yes , you really do enjoy that , don 't you ? If I 'd kept going you might have just come on your own , eh ? " Suddenly , I felt his clothed form press against my throbbing backside as his arm came around me . His hand circled my leaking , twitching cock . I cried out and struggled , so desperate to thrust into that warm grip . But he didn 't let me right away . Instead , he watched me pant and whine and struggle for a few minutes before he started moving his hand back and forth on me slowly . I made a desperate sound as I felt the pleasure build . " That 's it . " He spoke as he leaned over me and jerked me off . " What a good boy you 've been , Tate . . . what a very good boy . . . " " Clean it , " he said hoarsely . Our eyes met as I lapped up my own spunk . The intimacy of the act was startling as this powerful and very attractive older man watched me clean my own juice off his hand . Heaven . " Yes , Sir . " I did so . He wore no underwear , so his cock stood thick and hard before me . I made an eager noise in my throat as I glanced up at him . He clasped his hands behind his hips and nodded , thrusting himself forward . I didn 't need any more prompting . I took him gently in my mouth , cupping his balls with my hand , and swirled my tongue around him . He hissed and groaned . I knew it wouldn 't take long . He gasped and growled as I sucked him , letting me know what he liked and what he really liked . Before long I had him on the edge and I doubled the force and speed of my throat work . Suddenly he grunted . I glanced up to see his expression barely change as his juice spurted into me . He watched me from under hooded lids as I struggled to swallow his release . A friend introduced me to the well - known Dom . A friend that I 'd " played " with a few times and who thought that James might be able to give me more of what I wanted than he could . James had initially been a little cold toward me , until my friend told him I really enjoyed cum play and filthy language . At that point he said he 'd give me a go . He invited me for an " interview " and once I completed his requirements for a comprehensive STD screen , I joined him for an introductory session . It had gone well . I behaved myself and demonstrated a high level of pain tolerance and a definite affinity for bottoming as a sub . He 'd been impressed and told me so . He liked my body very much , and told me that too . He suggested I put my name down on his waiting list . That had been four months ago . And now my turn had come . I would spend Friday evening , all day Saturday and all day Sunday with the Dom of my dreams . He would send me the information and preparation instructions by email so that I knew what to expect . Driving home from another boring workshop , I cranked up the tunes on the radio . I yawned and shook my head wearily . What a fucking week . Okay , who was I kidding ? What a fucking three months . My workload had doubled . My boss , believing that my intelligence and capabilities automatically signified an interest and ambition to succeed , had put me on the fast track , learning to be an associate consultant in the business . I 'd been working long days and frequent weekends , as he 'd expanded his clientele and increased his business reach . I was exhausted . To top it off , my dad lay in the hospital dying of Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease ( COPD ) and advanced Parkinson 's ; the former the result of fifty decades of incessant cigarette smoking , the latter a cruel chance of fate and genetics . My mom was a basket case . My brother Frank wasn 't much help . He had a wife and three kids to look after . He did what he could , when he could , but I knew he had other responsibilities . The truth was , so did I . And I wasn 't sure I was fulfilling them very well these days . Maybe I was being paranoid . My partner , Sebastian , seemed as loving and attentive as ever when I was home . I wasn 't sure what he did when I was at work . He had his job , true , but that didn 't take up nearly as much time as mine , and I worried about him being bored and lonely a lot of the time . Our first six months of living together had been wonderful . We 'd both been deep in the throes of newfound love and passion , heady indeed , and found that this gave us the energy and imperative to make the practical adjustments work . We were well suited to live together . I loved to cook and Sebastian loved to eat . I still didn 't know how he managed to stay so slim eating as much as he did , but at least I had him eating a little healthier now , although he still snuck junk food in whenever he could . He did like to jog , and sometimes I 'd go with him . I called it " walking the dog " when I did , which gave him a little giggle . Sebastian had a penchant for dress up role - play . He 'd discovered pup play online and owned enough gear to make this a fascinating pastime . He liked to play at being my pup when in the mood , and I enjoyed rubbing his belly whenever he wanted me to . This usually led to sex , no matter how much I tried to be good . He didn 't seem to mind . He would ask , on occasion , to have some platonic playtime , but not very often . He got worked up as much as I did whenever he put the hood on and tail in . It seemed a match made in Heaven . I pulled into my parking spot and got out of the car , grabbing my briefcase and jacket , and walked quickly to the building 's entrance . Maybe we could go out for supper , then to a movie or something . We 'd had so little time together lately . " You 'd do Pavlov proud , pup , " I said , enjoying his blush and shy grin . His eyes met mine and I remembered an intimate moment from … a couple of weeks back ? Had it been that long ? I shrugged . " Soon , I hope . I 'll talk to him on Monday . When I accepted the promotion I didn 't realize how much extra work there 'd be . " " Sebastian . You 're very important to me . I love you , you know that ? " I hesitated . " I 'm just kind of distracted right now . With work , with what 's going on with my Dad . " " I know . I talked to her last week . She was pretty upset . She went out with my mom and Granny Jo for supper . I think it helped a bit , but she sounded so exhausted and stressed . " " Wanna go dancing ? " I asked my blue - eyed cutie after we left the warmth of the restaurant . " We haven 't done that in awhile . " I shrugged . " So ? I don 't want to share you with anyone anyway . " I pulled him over to me in the darkness of the parking lot and grabbed his ass . Turned out dancing dirty together in a room full of hot lesbians was exactly what we needed . They urged us on , realizing no doubt that we were desperate for each other . They took turns with each of us too , as if to prolong our separation and drive us even crazier . By the time we managed to extricate ourselves it was near midnight and it seemed I would die if I didn 't get Sebastian into bed as soon as possible . " Okay . I believe you . But , I think Sebastian has high expectations of you too . And having been in that same place for a good long while , I guess my paranoia got the better of me . " " Yeah , I know . I don 't want to quit . I just don 't want to work so much . " I toyed with the top of my club soda can . " Did you see Dad today ? " " The same . I keep thinking he 'll start to go one way or the other , but he 's always the same . " When she spoke again , her voice was very quiet . " Tate , this could go on for months . " " Look , honey , I know he 's never been hugely supportive of your lifestyle . But he 's really in no position to judge you right now . He 'll just be glad to see you . " I hung up the phone , struggling with my emotions all of a sudden . It was too much . The pressure at work , my dad in the hospital , my mom stressing out , and Sebastian needing me . I had to get out of here . I felt bad about taking off , but I needed to breathe . I really did need to speak with my boss , because this schedule was killing me . But if I was honest , it wasn 't just work that was affecting my relationship with Sebastian . I hadn 't lied to my Mom . I wasn 't actually cheating on Sebastian . But I felt like I was . I didn 't always see him in the dream , but I knew he was there . I knew because of what I felt in the dream . And what I felt was indescribable . It reminded me of that last weekend I 'd spent with him . The sense of trust and submission and testing . Him testing me , testing the boundaries of what I would do for him . I had done everything he 'd asked of me . And I would do more - much more . I felt my cock swell just thinking about the tenor of those dreams . They always involved restraint of some kind . And I was always on the edge , ready to come , but not allowed . In some of the dreams , I saw him as he teased me . In others , I only heard his voice . And in a few , he was simply a nearby presence , waiting and watching , while I struggled with my captive desire . These dreams made me feel guilty even though I knew everyone had sex dreams about people other than their live - in - lovers / spouses . To dream of a variety of people wouldn 't have bothered me so much . But it was always him . And if I was honest with myself I 'd admit that I missed and desired him in my waking world as well . I couldn 't imagine my life without Sebastian . The intimacy we had and the sex we enjoyed , when I wasn 't so busy and tired , was mind blowing . He was my lover and my friend - and my pup when the mood hit us . And he was even my Dom from time to time . Of course , what were the odds I 'd ever see him again ? I refused to seek him out . I 'd told Sebastian that it was over with James , and I 'd meant it . I wouldn 't jeopardize our relationship by hooking up with someone else , let alone the man who 'd declared his desire to possess me . I tilted his chin up , kissing him hard . Taking my hand out of his shirt , I began to unbutton his jeans . I still leaned over him and the couch , my crotch pressing against the back of his head . He tilted his head backward as his hands came up and started working my fly . " Oh … fuck yeah … " I groaned , all the tension I 'd felt earlier concentrated in my dick and balls . Sex therapy . It 's really the answer to stress of all kinds . " James , have you seen my purple tie ? " Sebastian asked frantically from our bedroom down the hall , the former guest room we 'd originally used when visiting . " We 're supposed to be there forty - five minutes in advance and I can 't find it . " He looked up at me , the flop of his blond hair concealing one blue eye . " Oh good . I don 't know where mine 's got to . " A year after we moved into James ' home , Sebastian quit his job at PetLuv and took a full time program at Algonquin College in Graphic Design . James and I supported him financially while he went to school because we didn 't want him working weekends and evenings when we would want to spend time together . Tonight 's Convocation ceremony , the culmination of three years study and perseverance , was stressing him out . As I deftly knotted the purple tie I couldn 't help admiring the strong neck and broad shoulders of my blond lover . He looked so sharp all dressed up for his graduation and I felt so proud . It took a lot of guts to decide to change one 's life in a significant way . The hard work he 'd put into the past three years had paid off . He was top of his graduating class and already had a few solid clients and jobs lined up for the next three months . The Mezzanine level was packed so we went up to the first balcony and were lucky enough to find two seats together . As we looked over the program , James said , " I feel like a proud parent today . Is that perverted ? " We had racked our brains for a unique graduation gift . Finally , James had stumbled upon the perfect idea - - a helicopter tour of Ottawa . Some co - worker of his had raved about how fantastic this tour had been , and James asked the name of the company . We bought tickets for all three of us . Our tour was booked for tomorrow morning at ten a . m . and so far the weather forecast looked good . They 'd warned us the trip could be cancelled with little notice if the pilot had concerns . The ceremony finally began . Since Doucette fell early in the alphabet , it didn 't take long for Sebastian 's name to be called . He strode proudly up to the college President , shook his hand , and took his envelope , with a big smile on his handsome face . He looked out at the audience , squinted as if trying to see us , then turned and strode off stage . I 'd waved even though there 'd be no chance he 'd see us behind the spotlights . I remembered my own graduation ceremony and how proud I 'd felt to have accomplished such a worthwhile goal . We filed into the lobby after the ceremony for some light refreshments . As I reached for a brownie I heard my name and turned . Sebastian came quickly from the backstage door , holding his cap as his robe ballooned out behind him . " What ? Really ? Holy shit , this is gonna be amazing ! Thanks guys . You didn 't have to do this . I couldn 't have done this without you and now you 're showering me with gifts . " James said he 'd hold my hand if I was scared . I told him to fuck off because I wasn 't scared . I 'd just never been up in a helicopter before . " Please be careful not to press any buttons or switches , whether deliberately or inadvertently as you move , " Yvonne said , pointing out the panels beside the seats . We fastened ourselves in and Yvonne passed us each our headphone sets . She checked that we could all hear and be heard before starting up the machine . I 'd never seen Ottawa Gatineau from this perspective before . The picturesque views of water and land stunned me with their beauty . Best of all was the approach over the Ottawa River to the Parliament Buildings as they overlooked the cliff and the city of Gatineau . Yvonne slowly circled the historic seat of the Canadian Government , viewing it at all angles before heading over the city . We really didn 't talk much , since the views were so astounding and we 'd all brought cameras . Yvonne pointed out the landmarks and explained our flight path in a clear , slightly accented voice . She checked in on us a few times to make sure nobody felt sick or uneasy . We assured her we were all enjoying ourselves immensely . James and I glanced at each other , neither wanting to correct her . How would we explain that Sebastian was actually James ' lover , not his son ? Neither of us wanted to make our pilot uncomfortable mid - flight , so we simply smiled and nodded . Sebastian didn 't even seem to hear , so enraptured was he in the entire experience . " Hey , it 's the first time we 've helped anybody graduate . We probably won 't be having kids so this is our moment , right James ? " I explained , remembering Yvonne 's comment . It wasn 't that we didn 't like the food at Cora 's . It would be hard to find fault with the waffles , omelets , and pancakes loaded with fresh fruit , English cream , and syrup . Let 's just say that the vibe was more Old Folk 's Home than Urban Eatery . This never seemed to bother Sebastian - - nothing much bothered Sebastian when it came to eating - - but James and I found the atmosphere a bitâ €¦ suburban for our tastes . At any rate , this was Sebastian 's celebration and we wouldn 't ruin it for him . Of course , we 'd have to refrain from any obvious displays of intimacy over brunch , since we 'd be likely to get at least a few rude stares and loud comments . It seemed that when people reached a certain age they no longer cared much what anyone thought - - they 'd say whatever they liked . And since most of them were deaf , they 'd say it loudly . So James and I accompanied Sebastian into the restaurant in question , requesting a booth and hoping for one in the corner or at least away from curious onlookers . Sometimes people in their senior years would go looking for trouble . Maybe their lives weren 't as interesting as they used to be , and a self righteous exchange with their companions about the three men sitting together in booth five was just what they needed . Of course , I was generalizing . Sebastian 's Granny Jo had been quick - witted , world - wise , and savvy to a lot of things , and strangely liberated for someone her age . But we knew she was the exception . Since no booths were available , we were directed to a table quite close to other diners , most notably a large group of elderly men and women who seemed to be celebrating a retirement . Perhaps the curious glances we received were due to the fact that Sebastian and I were the youngest people in the restaurant , and also kind on the eye . And James , well , James attracted attention everywhere he went . When she left we sat quietly , sipping our coffees . It was strange but I felt more relaxed in this place . I didn 't feel like I had to impress anyone . The fact that I had all my own teeth seemed to already give me points . James sat very quietly , staring at me while I looked back at him . Oh man , he was too quiet . He picked up his coffee and took a sip , then placed the cup back down . It clinked on the Formica tabletop . " I just might . But I wouldn 't want to cause someone to have a heart attack . Which would be a genuine risk in this place . " " Okay , okay , I 'm sorry . I just want you to admit that you just might be a tiny bit anxious about turning fifty . Because there 's a tiny chance we just might want to celebrate this milestone in your life . " I live in Ottawa , Ontario , Canada with my husband and two children . I have a BA in Psychology and a certificate in Dramatic Scriptwriting . I very much enjoy writing erotic fiction and exploring the vast arena of sexuality and relationships . Raven Black is no martyr , but she has a secret she deems worth protecting . Placed into the care of Zadkiel , the Archangel of Mercy , Raven Black tries with all her might and main to hide her deadly secret . It 's difficult to know who to trust or who to confide in , but Raven knows she 's unwilling to be exploited to get the Archangels ' greatest enemy . She seals her lips , refusing to speak and enduring the ensuing torture in silence . After centuries of nothing but duty , Zadkiel is tormented by the hellhound Raven . The closer he gets to her , the more he discovers about this lethal beauty . With each passing moment an uncontrollable desire is awakened , and with it an ancient evil is provoked . As Raven faded away , I turn to look at Chax . Although Chax was our leader , his short temper always seemed to doom a situation . His green eyes pierced mine as he regained his footing and pulled out his sword . " She is still a fallen , and in my care . I will not let her be harmed in any way . " I stepped a little to the left , bringing my body to a perfect counter position . " Please , I am not one of your little fallen apprentices . I chose the right path , the one without hurting an innocent girl . " I steadied the weight of my body on the balls of my feet , and secured my position . " He needs to be healed , Chax . Is there no one who can help ? " I was worried for my old friend ; he was not doing well at all . " No , not even the visits in heaven seem to be helping , although I might have an idea we can test . " Chax grabbed Camael on the shoulder and forced him to sit down . His head hung backwards as his dark eyes looked up and tried to focus on us . " If it might work , we need to try it . He is unable to fulfill his duties in this state . " A bitter taste was left in my mouth . I didn 't like what I was seeing at all . " I will find her , and I will let her take me to him . The moment I have him in sight , I will notify all of you . " My eyes drifted to Chax . " Yes , but she will not know that she is doing it . I will steer her the way we need her to go . " Chax nodded and grabbed hold of Camael . I am a complete book addict , and really proud of it . My entire world is made of books . From reading to writing to blogging to helping other authors . A day without my world of books would be impossible . I am a mother of three , two boys and a little princess . Happily married for 8 years with my high school sweetheart . I live in South Africa , just on the rims of the Kalahari Desert in a small town with one shop and friendly faces . What a wonderful post holiday treat ! Saw a post about it on Facebook and immediately went to read it . I absolutely LOVE , LOVE , LOVE Jory and Sam and the entire cast of characters from Mary Calmes ' Matter of Time Universe . I think I love . . . I loved the blend of holiday and paranormal that brought Hearts Alight to life . I don 't know just when I loved such a cynical character such as Dave , his hatred of the commercialism of the holidays has begun to cloud his judgement . It ta . . . What a lovely take on the legend of Krampus ! I 'm not going to say too much about Krampus Hates Christmas but I will say that it is a perfect blend of holiday , paranormal , romance , and just plain fun . I just could not put this down until . . . What do I say about Snow in Montana that could even begin to come close to successfully express how much I loved the latest installment of the Montana series ? It 's RJ Scott ! Okay , maybe I need to say more , lol . Snow might be Ryan and Jor . . . Because Glass Tidings is a holiday story , we all pretty much know where it 's going to end up but sometimes it isn 't about the end but the journey . Which is exactly what Glass is about , the journey for both Gray and Eddie . Gray is a bit o . . . Once again , another new author for me and what a great introduction and I look forward to checking out more . Who doesn 't love an ugly Christmas sweater ? Okay , love might be a bit strong but they are certainly part of the fest . . . If you are looking for something different from the happy , happy holiday reads then Nicolas is the one for you . A delicious blend of good , bad , sexy , torture , mystery , paranormal , and well just about everything in between . I first came a . . . |
I love Pakistani Aunties because they are super hot . These aunties are always looking for Pakistani young guys to have fun with . These pics are taken while aunties were making fun with their lovers . Look at these hot women in their mid thirties and forties but hotter than girls of eighteen . Posted by Looking for Hot Pakistani girls ? watch these pictures . They have many other hot qualities along with beauty . They can start their own sexy lifestyle in Islamabad these days . These girls are wild and horny for sex . Karachi , Lahore and Islamabad are major places for these Sexy Pakistani Girls . I am Jibran . My age is 21 and I am writing a sex story of my college days . I studied in a high grade private college . This incident took place when I was in FSC . At this age most of the girls start looking sexy . Their body parts develop , their maturity develops , they are usually anxiousness about sex and boys . In general , girls start growing and looking towards every other guy with a feel of attraction . I thought , almost all girls in my college had fine boobs . Most of them followed fitness regimes to keep them fit and more importantly in shape of their bodies . So there was the girl , Sehrish . she was damn hot , not tall but had adequate height . She was the hottest girl in my class , at least I felt so and so did most of the boys . Her boobs , her ass , everything was just more than suckable . it was all about her shape , maybe towards the healthier side . You can visualize Minissha Lamba 's assets for Sehrish . she had the Same figure and Same height . Maybe just the face was different . So to begin with the story , she was not a very good friend of mine but she was my best friend 's cousin . I used to be at his place all day at weekends . We were like the best buddies , Always together . Their house was a 2 story bungalow and There was a joint family system . My friend used to live on the ground floor and sehrish on the second floor with her parents . So one day I went to his place in the afternoon , and no one of was there except Sehrish . She opened the door . I said , hi , and we started talking normally as we do in our College . She welcomed me and told me that no one 's home and they will be back in an hour . So told me if I want I can wait , so I decided to wait and she said she is doing some stuff up stairs so if I want I can wait upstairs so I wont get bored down alone . So that was the first time ever I was talking with her alone , when no one was around , and I could express my feelings and I could speak my heart out . To tell you she was wearing a short and a tee and was looking too hot . This was the first time I was observing her so closely . Her butts and her boobs were the best I had ever seen , so young so tight . I instantly got aroused . But I controlled my self . The time went too quickly , and we kept talking about what not and this gave an impetus to our friendship . We became friends and after that day whenever we met in school , we started talking and spending time with each other . It was our PT period and everyone had left except Sehrish . She told me to wait and said she needs to talk with me . She was sitting on the table and I could see her thighs under her tights shirt . This was enough to turn me on . But I controlled myself . She said she had a feeling for one of my friend and asked me for help to get them together . I was shocked but couldn 't say no , so I agreed to help her . The next day , our teacher called everyone near her desk and so everyone gathered and I was standing right behind sehrish . While the teacher was giving some instructions , I was least bothered . As I was behind sehrish , I slowly moved my hand over sehrish 's butts and acted as if it was not intentional . She didn 't react on it . I felt it was a green signal . This time I pressed my hand with more force and she looked at me and said , Jibran , behave . I was confused . So I waited till we returned to seats and then sehrish sent a text , See you at store room no . 4 , exactly after the recess " I just replied OK . For your information there were 5 store rooms in our college , and 3rd and 4th store room were rarely used by our college . Those stores were in the upper story where no body goes normally . So after the recess I went there , but there was no one . I waited for 5 mins and I saw sehrish coming upstairs with her friend . She was laughing and talking to her . When they arrived near me , I got a little nervous due to her friend . She smiled and said ; asshole what were you doing in the class in front of everyone and dare you do that again . As she said this , she marched towards me and pulled me to the store room . Her friend , Nadia remained standing on stairs . I was confused by her act . I remarked , Sehrish ; what about Nadia ? She said , she will keep an eye outside . I was so fucking surprised , I looked at her while she turned her back towards me and bent forward . I hugged her behind and held her neck and turned her towards me and started kissing her . I removed her pants ( Shalwar ) and unhooked her bra aggressively . I didn 't remove her Shirt ( Qameez ) as it was not required . We became wild , kept kissing and just couldn 't control anymore . I just unzipped my pants , and by that time I had a hard on . I pushed her against the wall and inserted my dick from behind while she kept her hand on her mouth to reduce the noise . I fucked her in that position for nearly five mins . I had my hand inside her Shirt and I was rubbing her boobs . I made her fuck deeper and deeper on the table of the store room later and started going In hard , I was about to cum . Suddenly , Nadia came in and said , somebody is coming upstairs . We stopped and she pulled up her dress and went outside . Nadia and sehrish started walking on the roof and I hide myself in the store room . After 1 - 2 minutes , we were relaxed as the person who was coming upstairs had gone back . I went behind the table and finished myself till cum . After that , I adjusted my clothes , she looked at me and they both smiled . I smiled and went down . It was the best fuck of my life . Later , we had very good sex session . I will narrate some of those in my future sex stories . Pakistani aunties are hot and spicy . I have read many sex stories on different sites about such aunties on the Internet . One of my favorite sites has always been this blog . I continue or not . So , let 's move towards the story . Shazia is a Hot Pakistani Aunty who likes to show off her beautiful body to Aunty lovers . Sexy Aunty is enjoying with her boyfriend in these photos . Awesome and saggy body makes her unique amongst other aunties . The man is very lucky to have that saggy melons grabbed in his hands while making a Hot Sex with her . check out this collection of Photos of Pakistani Aunty . Her lover might have used metaphor and prosaic language at times instead of just using the crude bedroom language preferred in Western cultures . He must had refrained though from the cliches like " her sex " . At best it is funny . At the worst it just bores me to leave a Pakistani Aunty With Lover . I would suggest all to screw her . what really is the trigger . I suggest this blog of Pakistani sex stories being the best . What about this activity makes it so compelling . Analyze their words and write something that would appeal to Provided that your Pakistani girl says she 's not primed to engage in sexual relations with you , then you shouldn 't force her . Some people think that sex is no big deal , but others see it as something they only want to share with an extra - special person . Although you never want to force your girlfriend to have sex with you , you can always soothe some of her fears and reassure her that you really are a person she can fully trust . After you do this , sex comes naturally . Pakistani girls are shy , Don 't attempt making any contentions for them . depend on you . One of her fears may be that as soon as you have sex , she won 't be able to rely on you anymore because you would have gotten what you wanted . So , prove her wrong by being an upstanding and dependable boy . to her . She 'll never have sex with you if she thinks you 're talking to or checking out other Pakistani women , or even hanging out with other women . Though you don 't have to be rude to or ignore other women , you should have a laser - sharp focus on your girl so she knows that you will always be there for her , especially after you start having sex . If you want to have sex with her , then you should treat her like a Pakistani lady , not just like someone you want to hook up with . To do this , you have to be a gentleman and be courteous , kind , understanding , and generally admirable . Open doors for her , give her your coat when she 's cold , pull out chairs for her , and help her carry her heavy bags . Pakistani girl 's biggest fear may be that you don 't care at all about her mind because you 're too busy obsessing over her body . So , you have to prove her wrong . Show her that you are about who she is as a person , about her hopes and dreams , and about what makes her tick . Please Share This blog on Facebook Or Other Social Networks to promote Hot Pakistani Girls ! Beautiful Pakistani Girls want to live their life in full fun . These girls are very beautiful and everybody knows about it , that 's why everyone wants to see them kissing . In some of these pictures , Sexy girls are Enjoying with boyfriends in hotel Rooms and dating places . Some aunties are also there to join this spicy art of kissing . Check this collection and share your thoughts . I have been trying to study in different communities of Pakistani girls for last 10 years . I met a huge number of Sexy Pakistani girls . Many of these cabals of Pakistani girls were found in affairs with their relatives in recent years . It is just like as seen in the media , these girls are looking to cross religious limits , looking to explore their bodies , and looking to have affairs before marriage . They subjugate their parents . Almost 95 % of babes in my community are not virgins . You should be quite About Komal : I am just for casual type of sex . I Am Komal Rizvi . I Want A Sex Partner . . For Real Sex Just Call me . I think these girls are very bold and living in such a restricted community . It is luck if anyone can have fun with these Pakistani Girls . This sex story is about my cousin 's wife . Luckily , I got a chance to bang her at my house . We have been living in Lahore for seven years and usually our relatives visited our house . This visit , which made my life more charming , was planned by my cousin Nasir . My cousin is a father of two and his wife , Named Aasma , is in her mid twenties . They got married in early ages . My cousin was much elder than her , almost 10 years elder . Due to an age difference , she never go frank with my cousin . she had a habit of gazing at boys of her age . On the other hand she was a pure symbol of Pakistani sex , husband 's work oriented and she was taking a good care of her family . She was a villager but beauty was perfect including figure that can get any one hard ; she was with medium to big sized boobs and a large pair of butts . Luckily , my cousin had to finish some office related work in Lahore so he decided to stay for two more days with us . The next day he left early morning leaving his wife and children with us . It was a lucky day for me to have a good look of her assets and give her company . The story started when my parents got a call from my uncle who asked them to visit his house immediately for some land matter . They asked Aasma to go along but she insisted on staying at home , as the place was far away from our home . So , my parents took her babies along and went away . I was out of the house early morning with my friends , when I came back and asked Aasma Bhabhi about my parents , she said they had gone to uncles place . My eyes sparked with the feelings of luck . I got excited to get her company . I thought about the chances to fuck her that day . Initially , I sat opposite to her and started talking about her life , village and other things . we got very frank since she liked younger guys . My age was almost near to her . After about an hour , I said ; I will take a nap , you do get me up for lunch in afternoon , which she agreed . This was what I planned . After about 2 hours later , she came to my room to wake me up , but I was desperately not getting up & showing as I was in deep sleep . She was repeatedly trying to wake me up , so meanwhile my tool was fully erect . I turned around with closed eyes , pretending to be sleeping and called my girlfriend 's name ( as planned ) pulled her on bed . In the meantime , she must have seen my erect tool . She was struggling and I got up . I pretended to be in shock & explained as It all happened by mistake as I was missing my girlfriend . So Aasma quietly left my room saying it 's ok and called me for lunch . So I freshened up and had lunch with her . Initially , she was avoiding eye contact as she was feeling shy , but later on as I started conversation , she asked me about my girlfriend and her family etc . She was very shy and smiling all the time while talking . So I thought this is the opportunity to seduce her as she was not annoyed by what I did with her in my bedroom . After lunch , she began to accumulate all the utensils and clean the table , and I called her to watch sight of fledglings sitting in - front of our window . So she came and viewed with delight , and I supposed to utilize this chance to seduce her . I asked her about my misbehave in sleep and felt sorry . She smiled and said ; its OK , but something was very rare . I inquired further but she smiled and same inside the room . I knew that she was talking about my erect cock which she had seen . I entered the room and followed her . I rapidly moved from sideways to her back touching myself to her and right away got her daintily from behind . My penis was hard when touching her rear side , and she was stunned and calm . When I hugged her from rear , she pulled my hands and tried to leave . I was not willing to leave her so I kept on hugging her . She was smiling a bit but never committed that she was liking my moves . I took it as green sign and gradually moved my hands upwards to her boobs and daintily moving my hands over her boobs on outfit and kissed her on her neck and ears . She groaned and was appreciating the foreplay . What 's more later I moved her towards me and gave a french kiss , gnawing on her lips and kissing her neck and moving my hand over her body . She was completely stirred so there was no chance that she could oppose me . I was frantic taking a gander at them . I began kissing her boobs & pressing other boob with my hand . I played with them for quite a while , and moved to her areolas which were straight and hard at this point . I took one areola and began sucking gradually and consistently which made her horny and she failed to resist anymore . She was moving like a fish out of water and had a climax just when I inserted my one finger inside her shaved pussy . My moderate sucking of her boobs & dark areolas and up - beating her G - spot with finger made her out of senses . It would have been impossible to fuck her in others presence . I was feeling myself lucky . I was reaching the end of this sex story . She was damn joyful as seen from her interpretation . She was appreciating my hitting . After 10 mins , her senses were out and I was getting a charge out of fucking this wonderfulness milky wife . My cousin was so lucky to drill this pussy daily . I Proceeded for a few minutes , I set out on overnight boardinghouse to make her go in cowgirl style and she did the rest . After around the range of 20 mins of fucking I discharged my semen deep in her pussy as there were no fears of pregnancy . What a radiant experience that was and was a best mystery we kept for years . their boring time . Some of the girls are searching and trying to find the sexiest and hot boys of Islamabad . There are many beautiful and hot girls living in Islamabad and here we are going to share some own business in Islamabad because they are from rich families . Keep in mind that Islamabad is the city of rich people and most of the elite class people are living here . The girls of Islamabad are very broad minded and amazing . They like to make friendships with hot friends and lovers across the world . They love to talk and chat with Pakistani people on their mobile phones . They love to have some pleasurable moments with friends and lovers . you can say after these pictures of Pakistani girls that these girls are hot . They know that why people are praising these girls and why they are saying anyone that Islamabad is the place and city of hot and sexy girls . These pictures will describe you about the girls of Islamabad . we hope you will really like them and share your comments about This is my first sex story with pictures . It is about our first wife swap . The fun of wife swapping is very rare in Pakistani community . Pakistani couples are often struggling to find like minded couples as there are many fake people on the internet who are cheating like couples . I had fantasies of wife swapping , wife sharing and many other ideas related to my wife but I was not getting any real opportunity . A few people which I got from internet were found lairs so I started searching someone in my trusted friend 's circle . I needed a trustworthy friend who should have the same fantasies about his wife . Finally I was successful in my plans and we got our first wife swapping in Pakistan . check the entire story of my struggle below . Me and my friend Usman were working for 8 - 10 years in the same company . He was a kind of guy who loved sex . He often shared his stories with me . Nothing was hidden between us and he came to my house as well . He has seen my wife and appreciated my luck of having a lovely wife . I thought a lot about Usman and made my decision to try Usman for this task . He was tall , well built and handsome guy and he was an ideal person for great sex . Once me and Usman had sex with a callgirl together . The day onward , nothing was hidden between us and I have seen her big tool . he was at least 2 - 3 inches bigger than me . I even touched his tool and placed it on callgirl 's pussy during our sex session . But considering our community traditions , it was not easy to ask him to bang my wife . One day I asked Usman about his marriage and he told that he is going to get married next month . I saw his spouse photos and she seemed to be a nice and hot woman . Her name was Shazia and she was 22 Y old . one day me and my wife watched a threesome movie in which two guys were screwing one girl . I asked my wife about the idea but she closed my lips with anger . I didn 't tried to force her but the day onward I started to play such movies regularly in which two guys and one girl have sex . In starting days she didn 't like it much but later she started enjoying . In a period of almost 2 - 3 weeks I made up her mind to get two tools in . she inquired about the second man and I told her that he would be my friend Usman . I saw her wide opening eyes which told me that she has some lusty feelings for my friend . She agreed to perform that session but on a condition that I will not tell Usman about her . I would introduce him during the sex session in dark light so that he can 't see her face . there should be no kissing but only fucking in dark . I agreed quickly . I told Usman and asked him to come to my house for that fuck . He inquired about the girl but I told him that she is a callgirl . We managed to have good sex that night for 2 hours . Usman banged my wife two times while she sucked my tool in 69 during that fuck . Later , Usman left the room as per plan . I was in great feelings after this Wife sharing session . My wife praised Usman 's fucking style and his jerks . I was very happy that she liked his cock . After one week me and my wife attended Usman 's marriage . At marriage , she tried to attract Usman a few times and he was found interested in her large boobs . We discussed a lot while coming back from marriage ceremony about that casual flirt and enjoyed our discussions . When Usman joined the office again , I asked about his marriage night and his sex with his younger wife . He was quite freely telling me everything about his wife 's virginity and how he broken her pussy seal . My cock started to feel erection while he was talking . A few days passed and he told me every - time how he fucked his wife . One day , I told him about my fantasy of having sex in the same room with our wives but he said ; How it is possible ? I said , its not a big task if you can agree your wife . He said ; what about Bhabhi ? I laughed and said ; don 't worry yar . She is agreed and then I told him the real story of that day when he banged my wife thinking of a callgirl . He jumped up from his chair and looked at me . He loved that and expressed that he wanted to get sucked but as per plan it didn 't happen . I told him the plan to bring his wife at dinner and spend a night with us at our house . He agreed to the plan but said that he would try to convince his wife for same room sex . A few days passed and Usman told me that his wife is agreed but only for a sex session on the same bed without any further swap . I said ; No problem , it would be a great fun . They visited our house and the ladies prepared dinner for us while we watched a cricket match meanwhile on TV . After dinner we sat together and our wives were sitting on sofa . As per plan , I have brought HD movies of Threesomes and foursomes . I played a movie on the big LED screen . In start , Usman 's wife seemed a bit shy but as the movie progressed she started taking interest in that . I started playing with my wife 's boobs while Usman also starting sucking his wife 's boobs . He pulled her shirt off . She has large white boobs and I loved that scene . Usman sucked his wife 's nipples while I looked them keenly . My wife started sucking my cock and same scene was there in the sofa as Usman and his wife were playing on sofa . Then I asked usman to bring Bhabhi on bed . He picked his wife in his hands and brought her near me . She kept on sucking his large tool . Her ass was touching my feet while Usman grabbed my wife 's boobs . I asked Usman 's wife if I can grab her boobs . She looked at Usman and he nodded his head . She looked into my eyes and allowed my to play with her white milky bosoms . This went along the movie scenes . Then both movie guys started fucking one girl in sandwich style . I looked at Usman and he asked to do it with my wife first so that his wife should not feel shy . I layered below my wife entering her pussy while Usman went behind and pushed his fat cock inside my wife 's ass . She screamed with pain but as we two started fucking her two holes fast , she started moaning with enjoyment . Usman 's wife was playing with my wife 's boobs while I was holding her boobs . It was the best scene of my life . Then she couldn 't bear more and she asked us to change the woman with the smiling face . Usman layered her in the same style by entering his cock into her pussy while I pushed my cock inside her ass . We banged her in the same fast style as we have done it with my wife . Then after fucking her for 5 - 6 minutes , Usman pulled his cock out and pushed it inside her mouth . From her mouth to my wife 's mouth . He fucked both ladies throat while I banged both asses one by one . Then we both were near to cum . Usman spread all his load on both wife 's faces while I sprinkled my load on their asses . Then we took a break while both wives prepared some drinks for us . It was another session of great sex for 2 more hours in the second shift . After completing our second trip of fucking we went sleeping on the same bed with our wives in between . My wife was with Usman while his young wife was on my side . At around 3 am , when I awoke accidentally I found usman screwing my wife . I searched his wife 's pussy and pushed my cock inside his wife . We banged each other 's wife for at least one hour before we came . Our cocks were red due to rubbing but it was the best fuck night of our life . In morning they left our house with smiling faces . We became great swapping friends and our wives became very close to each other . This was all about Our First Wife Swap In Pakistan . Me and Usman are still very good friends and we often meet on weekends for these swapping sessions . Your comments will tell how you rate my Sex story . Posted by Hot Pakistani couples would be interested in new Marriage Ideas of 2013 . Hot Marriage Ideas are always great for Hot couples and a Hot Wife who really loves those ideas . Some Pakistani Couples love to share each other 's world . They will Be in touch with each others lives . Staying connected when they are apart and spicing up their married lives with a third one in the scene . We have always checked in with each other then we 've been apart . When the wives were in office husband went to office . When the wives were in some hot session with another guy , husband went to greet her . She would not forget him and send an sms while getting banged by someone else . Through out it all they stayed in touch with each other . Sometimes they would be sharing their bed with a third guy . This is what the world is moving to . Today it 's easier than ever with email , texting and cell phones . To this day couples call other guys home at noon just to check - in and bang the Hot Wife . Teaching each other . Share their knowledge with each other , Hot Pakistani Couples would explore every thing in sex . never doubting the others capability . Offering encouragement to their hot wives , advice and wisdom in a loving manner . Keep an open mind and be flexible . Spend time talking and take an interest in their spouse 's point of view . Every one has the right to be and think differently . Two sentences they both use that have helped them avoid conflict are , " Would you rather be happy or right ? " And " Did you forget I 'm on your side ? " . Hot Pakistani Couples would be doing all sorts of fun in 2014 . |
After the surgery , I woke up with Dr . Brown smiling down at me . " you are now pretty down there " he said . That was so awkward but his smile put my heart to rest . I stayed in the hospital for two more weeks and at 6pm I was given tablets and dilators were inserted into me for 15mins each day to ensure that my incision didn 't close up . Dr . Brown assured mum that it was normal because I had stopped exercising or moving about for that matter . He gave me some tablets that made me bleed profusely . Dr brown called and asked if the bleeding was profuse . Yes , it was ! He asked my mum to celebrate my first menstruation as he stated that it was normal . The Dr on Duty ; Dr Ojo smiled almost mockingly … he informed mum that I needed to do an ultrasound to see what was going on . The next day , mum was informed that the " product of conception " didn 't come out of my system and I had been infected . They needed to do a D & C immediately . I was placed on an IV and given some drugs . Everything seemed like a dream … mum asked me one more time who was responsible for the pregnancy that I was trying to abort . With tears in my eyes , I assured her that I had never been with any man . I was mocked and ridiculed … . The investigators kept asking me to " tell the truth " … I tried to think out a truth but there was none to tell . Mum was the only human being that believed me and it didn 't take long before depression set in . I was powerless ! ! ! I wished I could set him free for her sake . Though not within the confines of a jail room , I knew that Mrs Brown had been sentenced too … God blesses Mike again and we are off to South Africa . Being a wife and mother is just awesome and I couldn 't complain . Mike talked all day about fitting into a new church . I totally understood as he put in so much into soul winning . For me , family was all I thought of . I couldn 't imagine being away from mum . The kids on the other hand talked about missing grandpa and aunty K . As the days drew closer , I started conditioning my mind and that of the kids . I told them about the zoos in SA and the parks too . The kids started anticipating the move as we packed what we could and gave out the rest . I organized lunch for workers of the first timers department and children 's department . To my dismay , only few people showed up . I was disappointed especially at members of Mike 's department . I had a lot of left over food and I washed up just a few plates . Pastor Lanre called and asked Mike and I to stop over at his place before mid night . Mike immediately asked that we go in order to avoid getting to Pastor Lanre 's house too late . We got there at about 10pm and Pastor spoke to us about making an impact in our new church in SA . It was so emotional for me and after we hugged him and said good - bye , he gave us an envelope . We knelt and thanked him and as we opened the door to leave , almost everyone from church was standing outside . Mike and I cried like babies . We were ushered to the back yard of pastor 's house and the party began . . We got gifts but that was the least of it all . we got testimonies of how our lives had impacted different people . There was a lot of sobbing . Mikky and I got home at almost mid - night and we talked almost through the night … We spent Sunday morning doing our final packing but Mike went to church . He got home right on time and we left for the airport . Our flight was a delight and the kids loved it . We got to our apartment at exactly 2 : 35am with the kids fast asleep . We held hands and prayed as we possessed the house that we would be living in for the next four years of our lives . Pastor Lanre had given us the resident pastor 's number and we called him on Tuesday evening in order to get directions to church for mid - week service on Wednesday . We totally felt at home ; the same message , songs and protocols . All the anxiety was gone . Pastor Nzuma and Pastor Winnie welcomed us so warmly . It didn 't take long before I joined the children 's department and Mike the first timers department . Mike is a master soul winner and it didn 't take long for him to shine . I was proud of him as usual but little by little we started drifting apart . He was always in church … I tried to put in more time with my department as well but it didn 't make us closer . I couldn 't put my finger on what the problem was . I woke Mike up to talk and after minutes of talking , I couldn 't hold on to any issues apart from the fact that he was always in church . I felt ashamed as he explained how he had to do more considering our new environment . " SA has the highest crime rate in the world and if we win these souls for Christ , we could impact our environment as we were told by Pastor Lanre " . I held him close and apologized for being so insecure . I should be putting in my quota too . I felt terrible . Mike being the husband that he is , stayed home more and verbally reassured me from time to time . Apart from non verbal racism , work was awesome for him . God had our back for sure . The kids were enjoying school , Mike was enjoying work and church but I didn 't feel happy . I felt alone . Maybe I missed mum . I felt guilty that I expected Mike to be home more . I prayed about the way I felt but the feeling stayed . Mike and I saw each other for at most 2 hours in a day … and for most of the 2 hours , he was on phone . It wasn 't long before he was made a deacon . I was indifferent … I was adding weight and I started wondering if Mike resented me . I asked him and he laughed hysterically . I started visiting the gym and wearing more make up . I missed my Mikky … On Friday , I decided to give Mike a special dinner . I made everything I know he loves to eat and wore something really sexy . Mike got home earlier than I expected and I knew God had my back . He saw my dressing and all the food on the table and he held me close and told me how much he loved me . I ran his bath and waited for him to come have dinner with me . We ate and chatted but he blew it ! He had to be in church for Pastor Zeb 's birthday party at 8pm . I was sad . Why wasn 't I invited ? I calmly asked Mike why I wasn 't invited and he said the party was for deacons and pastors . I was heart - broken . I was heart - broken at the fact that he saw nothing wrong with the situation . I thought marriage made us one … He dressed up and left for the party . I stayed home and wept . Mike got home at 2 : 30am . My spirit was nagging and I knew that my mouth would vomit it all very soon and I decided to work . I got a job and work was awesome ! ! I stayed at work as long as I could and played with the kids the best I could . I still felt lonely . Mike had meetings in church everyday . Why did this bother me ? I heard so much about Pastor Winnie that I felt uneasy . Mike would not sit with me during services , we couldn 't give jointly , he won 't wear native anymore to church , he won 't help with the kids in church and the late nights became the norm . I didn 't know who to speak with . I thought of calling Pastor Lanre but what was I complaining about ? How was I to tell him that my husband 's commitment in church had me lonely and unhappy ? Mike had always been committed in church . Why is this different ? The situation at home got me sick . I tried to work it off but found myself in the hospital after I had passed out at the office . Mike was by my side when I woke up and he was smiling so sweetly . He planted a kiss on my lips and told me how much he loved me . He didn 't seem worried at all . It bothered me a bit . The doctor walked in and congratulated me . I couldn 't figure out why but it didn 't take long before I put two and two together . I was pregnant . This was bad timing . Tammy was barely one year old . I wasn 't ready and I made it clear to Mike . I got home to my very excited babies . It felt good to be missed so much . Pastor Winnie called and to my utmost shock , she encouraged me to accept God 's gift . Mike told her ? ? ! ! I was amazed . Mike and I had our first roar that night . Six years and we had never raised our voices at each other . The kids cried hysterically as Sibusiso took them away from the heat . Mike said things to me that I have chosen not to recall . I cried for days . The days that followed were the worse as Mike came home only to sleep . I prayed for myself and for him too . I blamed myself for everything . I started taking long walks , speaking in tongues and praying . The heaviness I felt had to leave by all means . I also started speaking with people about Jesus as I walked . This gave me the kind of peace that passes all understanding . On one of the days , I led 12 people to Christ and I called Mike to share . He was cold but I knew that it would make him happy . He came home earlier than usual and for the first time since the fight , he ate his dinner . I told him how my day went and he listened without saying a word . Mike had breakfast before leaving for work and as I went to clear his plates , I saw a note that read " proud of you " . Mike and I gradually became buddies again . I spent most of my time speaking to people about Christ . I totally enjoyed it . Pastor Winnie called to invite me for her birthday party and I obliged . I stood alone at the party but this time , I didn 't feel alone . Mike was busy ensuring that everyone was fine . Pastor Zimiamah came to sit by me and we chatted away . We went from kids to marriage , family , purpose and then ministry . I learnt a lot from her . Mike came a couple of times to find out if I was fine … indeed I was fine and enjoying my chat . We got home and I ran off to the bathroom . I sang as I took a bath and when I got out , Mike was sitting on the bed and staring at me . I smiled and dressed up . I hadn 't felt this happy in a long time . I suddenly realised that I had given Mike the keys to my joy and taking it and giving it to God felt good . Rumour has it that she returned to her parents as a result of emotional abuse that she went through in her marriage . I felt so sorry for her … No wonder she always wanted Mike to pray with her , plan with her and attend programmes with her . Mike was so sorry as he too realised that she was only using him to fill a vacuum in her marriage . Mike and I consistently prayed for her and soon enough , she returned to church . I packed my bags and off I went to the park . I sat in the bus for ten long hours and finally I arrived . Bruce took me to our home and that one room remained our home for two years before we welcomed our sunshine , George . The hustle became even more real as we had to provide for our bundle of joy . I joined Bruce in the hustle as we met people around the world and promised them things we knew we had no plans of fulfilling . The trips to the western union office became more frequent and we could afford to move into a two - bedroom apartment . Bruce suddenly got wild . He just tasted wealth for the first time and this really intoxicated him . From time to time , I spoke to Bruce about marrying me but he said I was putting unnecessary pressure on him . I tried not to push so as not to look desperate . In addition to George , I had Stella and Brian . Was I really going to pitch my tent somewhere else ? Of course not ! As for Bruce , he started hanging out with people that I wasn 't comfortable with . I wasn 't a saint but there were things that I wouldn 't indulge in . Bruce was drifting away … In spite of the distance between us , he did the most romantic things . He made it a point of duty to give me a food treat every single day . Usually in the mornings . This was new but I liked it . The peace in my home started reflecting in the way I looked . I got compliments from everyone I met . I started looking far younger than my age . That wasn 't even the best part . Brice proposed to me and wanted us to complete the marriage rites within two months of his proposal . Just when I thought it would never happen . Bruce had made more money than I had ever imagined and the wedding was spectacular . My kids were happy . I returned home as Bruce 's legally married wife . The running around for the wedding was hectic and two weeks after , I hadn 't gotten over the fatigue that I felt . Four weeks after , the fatigue was still weighing me down and I was losing weight . The weight loss became disturbing when I started looking sick and feeling sick . I went from one hospital to another but there was nothing . The look on people 's faces when they saw me got me uncomfortable and I insisted on going to the UK to run every test available . Bruce refused but after several heated quarrels , he let me go . I got to the UK and ran every test available but there was nothing . After two weeks , I felt so much better and I returned home to him and the kids but it didn 't take long before I started feeling sick again . This time around , it came with excruciating pain and I was rushed to the hospital . At the hospital , I tried to stay awake but the sleep was heavy . I heard Bruce scream and I watched his friends and younger brother take him home . I immediately thought of my children and there I was in their classrooms all at the same time . I watched them play at break time . Soon enough I remembered Bruce and how he screamed at the hospital . I wanted to comfort him . I always had a good defense for Voke . My mum didn 't like the idea at all but I had fallen in love and there was nothing anyone would say to convince me . I took delight in washing , cooking , cleaning and even warming his bed . I soon moved in with Voke . On his part , he made me his queen and treated me as such . Money was never a problem and he lavished my family with a lot of it … Life was sooo beautiful ! I had become the envy of my course mates , family and friends . " Nigerian men just understand what it means to be the man " She never missed an opportunity to insult me and rain curses on Aseda and her Nigerian ancestry . She made my daughter so timid . I hated her for it . I hated her so much ! Initially I was skeptical about letting a stranger come into my home but I needed the help as Nduka and I are orphans . I had just had Samuel by a caesarean section … I just couldn 't cope . I remembered vividly the day Uju walked into my home . She was nineteen , skinny , breastless and very shy . She looked very feeble and I thought she would be unable to keep up with the house chores but I was wrong . She quickly learnt what I expected her to do and she maintained a good attitude . Uju knew how to integrate fun into her daily chores … I adored her and she fitted perfectly into my home . Everyone thought we were blood relatives and I didn 't try to correct that impression . She was the baby sister I didn 't have . Three years went by and I had two more sons . Three energetic boys and Uju was still standing but I knew she needed a break and so I employed a maid ; Sandra . After Sandra was employed . Nduka and I agreed to send Uju to a prestigious school of catering and like I expected , she did exceptionally well … We encouraged her further by getting a job for her in order to fine tune her craft . I was excited that she was on her way to a promising future . Everything was perfect until Nduka suddenly started insisting that we relocate to Europe . His friends had secured a job for him and he didn 't want to miss out on the opportunity . I didn 't have a problem with relocating but the only problem was Uju . Nduka insisted that we leave her behind . " Nduka , this girl has become family " I kept saying but he put his feet down and we left without Uju . Before we left , Nduka gave me some money to rent an apartment for Uju and Open a small confectionary shop . Uju wasn 't excited and I understood her sentiments . She had given us six years of her life and now that we have the opportunity to bless her , Nduka has decided to harden his heart . It was unfair ! ! We arrived in Ireland and settled in just fine . I missed Uju so much and tried to reach her to no avail ; she wasn 't picking her calls or replying to her messages . I knew something was wrong . I asked a friend ; julie to find out what was going on . I was told that Uju was living with a " husband " and was pregnant . Her withdrawal made sense to me now . Uju had promised to be celibate until marriage . She knew how disappointed I would be but I loved her too much to let this mistake spoil our relationship . I sent yet another text and she finally responded . 5th of March , 2015 and her son finally arrived . I wanted to see pictures but unfortunately Uju 's phone had a fault . . I went on a shopping spree with the money Nduka gave me . I even bought a new Phone . I had to see my grandson . The kids were excited hat they had a " baby brother " and wanted pictures too . I quickly packed the boxes and shipped it to Nigeria . After six long weeks , I finally got a picture of my grandson . He was so cute ! I used his picture as my display picture ( proud grandma ) I celebrated his milestones even more than his own mother but my happy days ended on the 19th of April 2016 when Nduka fell off a badly constructed scarfold at work . As a family , we mourned him so deeply . Uju didn 't leave my sight . She cut her hair as well … I knew that Nduka would be honoured . The day before my departure , I decided to visit . She looked devastated … I wanted to see junior but was told a neighbor had taken him out . We chatted for about an hour and I had the opportunity to meet her " husband " . When it was time to leave , She escorted me to the waiting taxi and while we stood to say our good byes , I heard " Nduka ! " Instinctively , I turned around and saw a fair little boy running towards us . That was the last thing I heard or remembered . I woke up with unending flashbacks … things that meant nothing now had a lot of meaning . this is so hard ! Mama got back and like she predicted , Uncle Dafe didn 't fulfill his promise . We all sat down and counted the money we had made for the day . It was Fifty - seven Thousand Naira ! we screamed as mama knelt down to thank God for providing my fees . With the savings and today 's sale , mama could send me off to school . I arrived at my hall of residence at about midday and the porter went through a list where he ticked my name Tega Mudiaga . I walked into Room B16 with mama and we introduced ourselves to three beautiful ladies . Mama in her typical style ; lectured us on remaining focused on our studies and then she rounded off with a very lengthy prayer . I had never been away from home so everything was new to me . I was particularly surprised at the life my room mates lived ; drinking , smoking , partying and men . I wasn 't enticed but I was curious as to how they made the money they spent . Unlike me , they ate whatever they liked and whenever . They called friends and family and just chatted away without thinking about how much airtime they had to use . They took a taxi everywhere and wore very nice clothes and perfumes . They always had money … It would be great not to budget all the time , I thought . Faith does indeed come by hearing because soon enough I started pondering on the futility of living a " self - righteous " life . It wasn 't as though the girls weren 't born - again . They were … After lectures on Friday , I ran off to the room to do a dress rehearsal … the dress was beautiful but too short and clingy . I didn 't feel comfortable but I wore it anyway . The hotel was so beautiful and big too . We went up the elevator and into a very big hall with loud music . I tried to comport myself as this was utterly nerve wrecking for me . Just as I was about to take a seat with the girls . I saw him … tears filled my eyes and I stood up and walked towards him but I stopped ! ! ! I remembered mama . She would be heartbroken to find out that I was in a hotel at almost mid - night I couldn 't afford to disappoint her . I got back to the room and wept so bitterly . I didn 't even realize that I had slept off until I felt Bisi tapping me . I woke up and she told me how I had missed an opportunity to meet a generous " Big boy " Chief Benson Mudiaga . Big Boy ? ? ! ! ! A sixty - four - year - old man is a boy ? She told me how Chief wanted two girls at the same time and she had to pick Lola although she wished she didn 't have to . She brought out crispy clean notes and waved it in my face . A Hundred Thousand Naira ! ! ! I called mama and pleaded with her to let me go to school from home . I couldn 't live with Bisi and the girls without being corrupt . 1 Corinthians 15 : 33 emphasizes this and I explained this to mama . After much negotiation , she agreed . I called her and she sounded weak … Bisi was very bubbly and hearing her speak in that tone got me really sad . I went home and told mama and she told me uncle Dafe had informed her that " papa " was also sick . frustrated and angry . Brian and I had been subjected to all sorts of tests which required very compromising positions , we endured the embarrassments and went through it all . We even went ahead to take every advice we got from anyone . We tried different ' positions ' , different places , different times in the day and even different countries . She told me of a student whom needed a home . The little girl ; LOVE , had just lost her sponsor to an accident . Her parents had eight other children whom they couldn 't afford to take care of . My friends and family helped me move into his Labadi mansion while I familiarized myself with each room . Did I mention that Nana gave me the keys to his brand new Toyota Camry 2014 Hybrid ? Yes , he did ! ! ! I walked into the company expecting to be accorded " madam " privileges but everybody seemed indifferent that I arrived . No one stopped chatting and no one ran off to their desk … Eissshh ! ! ! These people don 't understand the consequence of disrespecting me . My main responsibility was managing the factory workers and production doubled after six months . Nana was so proud of me . However , he dodged my issues with the other staff and just didn 't act as I thought he would . That wasn 't even the main problem . The main problem was that I didn 't have access to company funds . Not even one pesewa ! All I got was my salary . The GHs 5 , 000 koraa , wasn 't enough . I used it to pay bills ; electricity , water utilities , domestic staff salaries . At the end of the month , I had nothing left to chill with . Nana 's Dallas Mansion pleased my eyes and I didn 't wait to get in before I started taking selfies to post on Facebook . Nana opened the door and had a good laugh . He took my luggage to our room and we had a long chat . He informed me that his elder brother , wife and three children also came into Dallas for their holidays . He asked me to promise that I 'll tolerate any offence against me . I wasn 't to confront her Susan - ( His Nigerian Sister - in - law ) on any issues . I watched him run from pillar to post . He joined different support groups and took her to her new school every day . He tried to get me involved but I was too bitter to care about whatever group he had joined . I couldn 't understand how Charles always had a smile on his face . He played with Ada all the time and her unending repetitions made for fun times together . After a few months , I came to terms with my situation and Charles kept being patient with me . I remembered times when he would wake up and pray for me without knowing that I was very much awake . I had watched Charles go to church with Ada for 24 weeks and I finally decided to join them . Everyone was excited to have me back . I looked for anything to show that they were making a mockery of me but I didn 't find any . I got encouragement from everyone and they treated Ada nicely too . I was sick and drugs weren 't just working . I felt awful especially because I had to tend to my 3 months old Lisa . I went to the hospital again and I was asked to do a pregnancy test . I knew I wasn 't pregnant because I had taken necessary precautions religiously . I couldn 't be pregnant . Dr . Addo insisted that I terminate the pregnancy . He spent about an hour explaining possible complications that could arise ; an increased risk of pre - term birth , a low birth - weight baby , an increased risk of autism … I was going to go through two C - sections in one year ! ! An abortion wasn 't an option for me . I wasn 't ready for this child but apparently , God had a different plan for me . I walked like a zombie for about an hour and just tried to process it all . Tears filled my eyes and different emotions overwhelmed me . I picked a taxi and went to church . I left church assured that everything would turn out better than I expected . I left church and went straight to the market and bought a few baby things . All blue … I wanted a boy . My next hospital visit wasn 't pleasant either . The sonographer announced that it was a girl . I went home and told George the sonographers report . He accepted it in good faith but I insisted that we didn 't have to accept that report . We held hands and agreed on the sex of our baby ; we prayed . I took my relationship with God very seriously ; I wrote numerous letters to Him , I fasted , I prayed and did everything humanly possible to do right . He took me through life perfectly sorting every obstacle that came my way . God sees my heart and my utmost desire to please Him , I thought … I couldn 't figure out what was true anymore . I wept for days but as I did , I held on to the word of God . I was certain that " Everything will work together for my good , because I love God … " Reality hit me when I realized that what I just found was a glimpse of the reality on ground . My " God fearing " Husband had been living a double life . He had a family just like mine and he had chosen her over me . He had chosen her over the church he pastored . He had left me and my world behind and he never looked back … I was shattered , I was bitter ! It all felt like a dream but as much as I tried , I couldn 't wake up … I questioned everything I ever believed in … Is God real ? Is Church a charade ? Do prayers work ? The questions were endless . I tried to end it all , The relationship between " the God " and I had to end . I tried hard but He won 't let me go . He gave me peace that I couldn 't understand although I didn 't want it . All I wanted was to go far from Him . He just won 't let me go . I didn 't get the happy ending I desired and I really don 't know why . He alone knows the end from the beginning . I have just chosen to trust Him anyway . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this : |
Mother was GRUMPY today . She tried to take pictures of me , but it was too dark for her camera , although it wasn 't really dark yet . She grumbled a bit , but I followed her to the gate , as I presumed I would get fed my dinner . I made my way through the barnyard to the feeding mat where Callie and Bert sometimes get their hay fed to them . There were still lots of bits of hay , including some delicately pre - masticated parcels . Yummy ! Mother went out to get my halter and lead rope , and Scooter ( aka Bert ) came out near the mat to stare at me while I ate the hay he obviously hadn 't wanted before . Mother I think came back out , but I didn 't notice , I guess . . . these were some really good little hay bits . Callie and Bert get a different grassier hay than the alfafa - y hay Belle and I get so I was concentrating on that and suddenly SOMETHING TOUCHED ME on my hip . I jumped about 12 inches up and about 3 feet away . I really should have kicked out , but I knew Bert and Mother were nearby ( and any predator would obviously go for one of them first ) , so I am glad I looked back as I leapt . It was Mother ! Mother ? Really ? You scared me half to death . Don 't sneak up on me like that . Geesh ! You almost always talk to me first . . . what were you thinking ? Mother sat in the chair while I chewed cuds . As soon as she plopped down , Fat Donkey sailed up alongside . He does that anytime a human sits down in the barnyard . " Pet me , pet me , pet me . " Anyway , no sooner had donkey swooped in than Rosie Grier ( the cat , not the football guy ) came up from the other side , and implored to Mother that he be allowed access to her person . Mother said she didn 't want him on her . Rosie climbed up . Mother said , " I 'm not petting you . " Rosie sneezed . He tried to rub himself on Mother 's face . She moved her head out of his reach . Seeking solace , Rosie turned . . . The donkey 's head was hovering over Mother 's knees . Rosie started rubbing against the donkey 's face . Donkey closed his eyes , and tried rubbing back . Mother grimaced as Rosie 's claws dug into her legs as he tried to brace himself against the donkey 's affections . She called me a bad name and made a disparaging remark about my IQ and told me I better stand still and behave . gulp . I stood stock still . I allowed her to wrestle my recalcitrant ear into position . Mother was obviously in no mood for fun , so I had best humor her . While she picked my feet on the dark and windy barn porch , a very creepy place at night , I felt a sudden touch of fuzzy terror on my front legs . AHHHHH ! ! ! ! I lept backwards , or tried to , but it was difficult as Mother was holding a hind leg and didn 't want me to sit on her . She called me more bad names , and Rosie skittered away . Oh , it was just a cat ! I wasn 't sure what the heck was there . . . sigh . At this point , Mother curried and brushed me and decided I needed a massage . I have been tense lately , I suppose . She worked on my left side , and that was nice . She then started on my right side . Ooh , neck , shoulders , that 's nice . When she started on my back , however , I sidestepped away . That HURTS . Mother looked at me in confusion . She stood on her little step thingy and told me if I wanted a massage I should move back over there . I stayed where I was . She stayed where she was . A minute passed . Finally , she sighed , stepped down , moved the step thingy by my side , stepped back on , and began again . Owwwww . Owwwwww . Owwwww - OOWWWWW ! ! I raised my hind foot . Um , my back is spasming now , Mother . Thanks . She kept working on it . Ooohh . If I stand like this , and press up against her hands . . . ahh , that 's a bit better . OWWWWW . . . . Oww . . . oohhhh . . . ahh , that 's better . Mother worked on my back and hindquarters for quite a while . She wasn 't sure if I was sore from protecting my not - so - good leg or from my wild running and bucking extravaganza earlier this weekend . All I know was I 've been feeling pretty sore , but I feel a bit better now . I ate on the lawn while Mother prepared my meal . I finally got my dinner ( not sloppy enough ) and some cookies and turned back out . My after dinner hay was shared with Belle as Mother left . I must admit , all the talk of Santa had made me excited . Mother cautioned me that I might not get much this year . Not because I didn 't deserve it , but it just might not be what I would chose for myself . Like the series of Adequan shots . I agree , that wasn 't on my list of gift ideas . Today is the last one for the loading dose , so I guess it is a gift that she won 't be stabbing me as frequently . Mother , it 's CHRISTMAS ! ! Come on ! ! The day when we are reminded to be generous to our loved ones and those in need and , well . . . everybody . It 's the Love Holy - day . It helps us stock up for the year and remind us all how we should be . Can be . Will be ! Donkey says this is his very special holiday . Something about ancient forms of transportation and a desert and blah blah blah . I 'm just glad he 's getting into the holiday spirit . Mother came to visit me today , but she was not alone . She brought a human I 'd never seen , but who introduced herself by giving me cookies . Mrs . Pastures , in fact . . . the cookies were Mrs . Pastures , not the actual woman . We went out on the barn porch , and the strange human and Mother brushed me and picked my hoovies and Mother clipped my halter path . They talked about me . . . Hello , I am right here and I hear every word you are saying . Excuse me ? ? Mother weight taped me , so I obligingly stood while she snugged the tape . She turned to remark , but then thought I moved my ribs so she snugged it up some more , all the way to yesterday 's weight . The strange human said , " Don 't worry , though , he 's FINE . He isn 't thin . " " Fine " doesn 't get me food , lady . . . I 'm not sure I like you . Wait , there is still another cookie in your pocket . I 'm sure you are very nice , just a bit misguided in not asking Mother to increase my intake . Mother wandered off to go gerry - rig the already mickey - moused Multipurpose fence so she could free lunge me in there and stare at my leg . sigh . At least the strange human with one cookie left brushed me and fussed over me while Mother blundered about . Lots of the fence in the multipurpose isn 't really there , or is there but not attached . Sometimes the deer will break a panel , but usually it is Bert barging into things . He is the reason Alcatraz gets redone all the time . He is why we have the zapping fence . The Aunts don 't worry too much about the Multipurpose fence , though , as it is closed or open at the gate and if horses are in it , it is OK to go out back into the grassy pasture , too . Except when Mother lunges me . Mother hasn 't lunged me in a long time , at least a month . She says she has been afraid to look . You don 't need Dramamine for this one , because the strange human with one cookie left apparently did the recording . Her device didn 't make creepy noises or flash funny lights . I didn 't really even notice she was putting my moving soul in the little box , so she can come back anytime ( bring cookies ) . So as you can clearly see from this , there is nothing wrong with me . All the times I am not perfectly even , there was a tussock of grass that altered my stride , or ahhh . . . ahhh . . . uhhhh . . . and the ground slopes from the snoozing mower end to the gates everywhere end , so there 's that and . . . I 'm fine . Really . Nothing to see here . Just skip it , actually . Afterwards , Mother put me on the lawn while she prepared dinner , then she and the strange human with one cookie left sat and talked while I ate , and even seemed to get in some weird fight that wasn 't a fight but made no sense . Mother turned her rump on the stranger and I was sure a melee was going to ensue ( you know how mares can be ) and I was prepared to move if necessary , but it blew over as quickly as it started . Humans are very odd at times . * Aiding and abetting is an additional provision in United States criminal law , for situations where it cannot be shown the party personally carried out the criminal offense , but where another person may have carried out the illegal act ( s ) as an agent of the charged , working together with or under the direction of the charged party , who is an accessory to the crime . . . the provision of " aiding and abetting " must be considered alongside the crime itself , although a defendant can be found guilty of aiding and abetting an offense even if the principal is found not guilty of the crime itself . In all cases of aiding and abetting , it must be shown a crime has been committed , but not necessarily who committed it . [ 1 ] It is necessary to show that the defendant has willfully associated himself with the crime being committed , that he does , through his own act or omission , as he would do if he wished for a criminal venture to succeed . ( Stolen from wikipedia ) Mother gave me another stab , then a good brushing , then weight taped me . Whenever she does the weight tape , she advocates for me to suck in my ribs so I will appear thinner . She 'll pull the little strip of cloth / tape tighter and tighter , and I try to squish my ribs , but eventually I have to breath . If I did a really good job , she gives me a cookie . . . Anyway , today Mother found that upon first putting the tape on , I was easily under 950lbs . When she told me to " suck it in " , it made it to 905lbs . Mother stepped back , stared at me . Poked my ribs . Aunt Marilyn asked if we needed to change my food . Mother decided that perhaps when the current orange food runs out , she 'll switch me back to the old horse mush . She wants me below 1 , 000 weight tape pounds and above " too skinny " . I am not too skinny , especially as I have a leg that doesn 't need to work harder than necessary , but Mother wants to make sure I stay " not too skinny . " She said I didn 't really look any thinner , but that 's why she likes to tape me . She says looks can be deceiving , and tangible evidence is better , whatever that means . She claims there is a delicate balance between healthy thin and too thin . Unfortunately , now a good roll in the mud means I am going to be sitting with my coat in little spikes until Mother gets around to brushing me . She has been a little lax in the grooming department . When I saw her Friday and pointed out my few little dried mud - y bits , she sighed and said she didn 't have time . Yesterday . . . well , at least she fed me . Although she even messed that up ! She tried to fed me my dinner dry again , and I let her know that was only a kindness on my part and she better not slip out of making me my hot dinner gruel ! I let her know by leaving some of my grain and funny supplement bits in the bottom of the pan for fat donkey to consume . Today she stopped up in the late afternoon , and I was all set for a nice massage and grass time and dinner , the works . Well , best laid plans . No sooner had she put my halter on and led me out of the run - in , Mother got a phone call . She took off my halter and gave me some Herballs and then just left me there . Whhaaaat ? ? ? I was nice and dirty , too , Mother . . . She came back after dark , and put me on the lawn while she made my dinner . She must have learned her lesson about dry dinner , because it was perfect ~ hot and just the right amount of sloppiness . . . Yummm ! ! After dinner she put me in the crossties and realized I was even dirtier than when she had seen me in the afternoon . Well , yes , Mother , I went out and anger - rolled . She gave me one of the absolutely decadent muffiny cookies when she left , so I guess it is OK about that weird catch and release thing that happened earlier today . She can do that every day , if it means she 'll still come back later and brush me and give me dinner and the yummy - yummy cookies . I next to never get one of those . . . Mother continues her periodic stabbing of my neck . This is not my idea of a good time , but I do not protest . After all , it is better than a Q - Tip in the face . I believe in focusing on the positives . She gave me cookies , too . Tonight , Mother brought reinforcements with her . Aunt Nancy and the man came with her . I hadn 't seen Aunt Nancy in so long , not since the migration , so it was good to see her . Mother did not cook my meal tonight . She feed me dry food with all my powders just lying there , although they did taste all apple cidery yummy . I ate it all up quickly , since Mother seemed to want me to hurry . Missed Part 1 ? Click here . Learning how to jump made me feel special . Three mornings a week for First Ride , Her would come to ride me . Her first made sure I would move promptly off her leg , and promptly from a cluck . The first week I learned to go over a single pole on the ground and then a series of poles , and in between standards and all other sorts of things . One day she made the pole on the ground into two poles that were low in the middle and high at the ends , which Her called a crossrail . My first few attempts at the crossed rails involved my bumping them with front and back legs . It was high enough I knew I should do more than step over it , but low enough I could step over if I needed to . Those rails were heavy and wood and they stung a little , so I learned by the third time through to not bump them . Her told me how good I was , and we stopped for the day . One of the nice things about learning to jump was I didn 't get ridden very long . A lot of times I wanted to keep jumping things and learning , and Her would just tell me how good I 'd been and put me away . I admit , I came to like those three mornings a week . Before long , I was cantering to the fences , and then stringing a few together , and it was all fun ; except the combination , which I didn 't understand and needed more time to think so I took really little strides and put about 5 strides in . Her had Funny Nice Girl ride me the next time , and I was able to understand how combinations worked . Oh , two strides , that 's easy . Oh , and I had learned that some jumps will be wider , and how to recognize that ; that some jumps have rails that look funny - shaped or are at angles or whatever , but they are all really just a jump and that 's easy . Funny Nice Girl really , really liked jumping me . She told Her that I was so much fun and she thought I really liked my job . Well , yeah , jumping is a lot more fun than carrying beginners around ! Her had taught me to figure out how to jump , and to balance myself , and to go at the pace and direction told ; if there was a jump in the way , we just went over it and continued on with what we were doing . I started getting used for the jump practices in the morning , one day a week . It was more work than what Her had had me do , but the riders were Constants and kind and we had lots of fun . That summer I went to He Who is in Charge 's home barn and I went to lots of shows , some with little people and some with a Constant . I spent a lot of time over the next years at He Who is in Charge 's barn instead of always at School , and eventually I stopped going to School at all . Her stopped being a Constant , but I would still see her from time to time and I was always glad to see her . She gave me treats and tail circle massages , which are the best . Her has been around a lot more in the last few months , and sometimes she gets me out to just brush me off and give me a massage , or lead me out to eat the good grass in front of the barn . Her was going to ride me in one of the little shows this summer , but I was sore that day when I got into the sand ring ( I warmed up fine in the firmer footing of the other ring ) so she rode Jack instead . Not my usual game - face . I 'm only sore every once in a while . . . I still give lessons and jump some , although I admit I feel a little bit stiffer than I used to . My one front leg was cut badly a few years ago , and it is stiffer than any other part of me . I am still the very best horse for jumping without stirrups though , so I am way better than all those tall , silly thoroughbreds . The other night Her was talking with Little Girl Big , who used to ride me when she was little , although she is not little anymore . Little Girl Big was saying how much she liked me , and that her very first show was on me and she won a championship her first division out . Well , yeah , that 's what I do . Little humans seem to like the blue ribbons best , and they really like the long ribbons . It 's good for them to get those long ribbons , because they 'll give you even more treats ! And horse shows are so easy : Rider hops aboard , I make sure they know enough to make me go , and then they just tell me how fast we 're going and where to go . I love it when there are jumps in the path they pick . Mother came up this afternoon while I was loafing in the shed with my Belle . We were grumbling a bit to ourselves at our conditions . The shed needed cleaning , and our mid - day feed was late , as the mysterious uncle was having a birthday and delayed Aunt Marilyn 's arrival for feeding . Mother appeared through the shade cloth ( and why isn 't the canvas wind - block up yet ? ! ) and walked to me and said " Hi . " She peered perplexedly and with a little concern at the twin marks on the left side of my muzzle ( I refused to tell her if they were from the fangs of a rabid raccoon or if I somehow managed to scrape myself most oddly ) . I sniffed the needle and syringe in her hand and sighed . She swabbed a tiny spot on my neck with an alcohol wipe , wiped her thumb , pressed . . . pressed . . . poked me , did something that feels funny while she looked at the syringe , then pushed its contents into my neck . Because she understands me so well , Mother put some hay out for Belle and I while she cleaned the run - in . Belle and I both made sure to use it right after she spread the bedding to reassure her we knew what it was for - and to let her know she had job security . That 's important in today 's human world , I hear . Mother likes to do this when the weather allows for it . So on dry days , not - hurricane - windy days , and even snow - covered but not actively - snowing days , Belle and I must wander around our acre if we want to eat . Sometimes we 'll eat a few piles and retreat to the run - in to chat with Callie and Bert through the window . It is kind of nice to be able to go back out and still find hay when you get the urge a little later . And then later still , I might roam around to see if there was a stalk or two that I may have overlooked earlier . When I am in a stall for any real length of time Mother usually uses the hay net with the really tiny holes , which is kind of nice because I never seem to run out of hay that way . The aunts don 't do that , so while Mother says she would like to have those nets up for me and Belle while we are out in our Small , I guess the tiny " enrichment - exercise " piles will have to do . Mother was talking about the droughts and shortages that are taking place for other horses out there . I started to feel bad about my uncharitable thoughts of " Where 's hay ? Where 's the cleaning service ? " . I have become so accustomed to domestic life and easy food and clean stalls that I forgot that life isn 't always so pleasant . I mean , I still get hay at least three times a day , and there is still green nubs of grass to nip off , even in such a little area as the Small . And Belle and I don 't have to stand in the run - in after we 've sullied it . It wasn 't raining or even breezy out . . . Although she could have given me a Mrs . Pastures cookie today . I know there are still plenty of them left , and I was a good boy and I got shot today . That totally should have netted me a Mrs . Pastures or two . JONES I remember being really little , and I had a big mare that I loved and she fed me . But then we were separated . I don 't remember much after that until I was two and went to The Auction . The Auction was really scary . There were horses there that were very sad and unhappy and it was awful . And the loudness and all the people ? Awful . When I left the ring , I was put back in a pen , then led away by He Who is in Charge to a trailer , and that is when my story really began . Then I went to a big place , " School " , with dozens of other horses and we stood in our stalls all week except when we were ridden , and we went out to the fields on the weekend . Sometimes there were long periods when we went to farther away fields and were left alone except to make sure we had water , and hay if it was winter . Those were fun times . . . Then every summer again I went to Camp and carried the little people . I was named after a student , and I am not 100 % sure that it was an exemplary title . Being young and everything , I was . . . uh , a little bit spoiled when I was first at School ; I would nip at people . It was just an occasional ( OK , constant ) nip to entertain myself , or show my irritation , or . . . well , who really needs a reason ? A few times a year there were strange weekends where we didn 't get to go out to the fields except for the last night of the weekend , but instead stood around with saddles on and went in the ring many times with strange riders . During these weekends , I would bite the person holding me a lot , because I would rather be out in the field , you know ? Most of the horses ' holders would hold them all day , but I would get passed from person to person . I bit them all . I only vaguely remember the first time I met " Her " . There were many students and they mostly just blurred together . This was early on for me at the school , though , and I remember an evening at the start of School as she walked around being introduced to all the horses and told a bit about each one by another student . She seemed to like me , and commented on my attractive dorsal stripe and zebra marks . I first really noticed Her because she bit me on my nose . I mean right on my soft , delicate nostril . Sure , I had just nipped her , but OUCH ! Every time I tried to nip Her , she would chomp down on one of my nostrils . I quickly realized that biting was overrated . Her started working in the mornings at the School , and she seemed to take a special interest in me . How nice . Many times I would hear , " Jones - incoming ! " This was my cue to turn my head to the side so she could hurl her apple missile into the feeder at the front of my tie stall . Her thought a horse that was nippy shouldn 't be hand fed treats . Sometimes she walked in and placed it in my feeder , but we both rather enjoyed the missile game . My life at School was pretty boring the first 2 years . Lots of people that didn 't know what to do or how to ride would ride me and the other horses . It was a constant rotation , although sometimes I would get a larger boy and he would be assigned to me several times . As the weeks went on , the riders would figure things out . Then , one day , it would start all over again with new riders who didn 't know what they were doing . . . sigh . There were certain people we always saw , well for a few years , anyway , the " constants " . These constants usually rode much better , and they often seemed to have favorite horses . I was no one 's favorite for a long time , although Her seemed a bit fond of me . One weekend out in the fields , I was in a bit of a miscommunication debacle with one of the mares . I had to jump over the water trough from a standstill to keep from getting the daylights kicked out of me . One of the constants was down at the fields at the time . Apparently , she told He Who is in Charge about what I did , because Her started working with me a few weeks later , teaching me to jump . Mother started the neck stabbing shot series on Tuesday . Clean neck , stab , give me cookie , pick my feet , turn me out , more cookies . I like this routine . On Friday she stopped by very briefly ( she is ghost - sitting AGAIN ! ) . She really only came up to say a quick hello and give me a treat . Unfortunately , she didn 't bother to turn on any lights . I received my cookie with my typical dignity . She scratched my neck and face . . . and then a finger poked me in the eye . Um , oww . She apologized , but really , such accidents could be avoided by just giving me cookies and leaving ; petting areas South of my head ; or turning on lights , since you humans have conquered electricity . Yesterday , Mother seemed happy to see me . She led me to the barn porch , and gave me my shot . I didn 't really even feel it , but she assures me I received it . Mother is a presser , not a thumper . She proceeded to pick out my hoovies , put some purple stuff on parts of my frogs , curry me . . . all is going well . Then she looks at my freshly rubbed and scruffed tailhead . She hooked up the hose . She didn 't say that she planned to do a super thorough job since it might be the last chance for a good long while . She hosed it , she purple shampooed it , she hosed it , she purple shampooed it , she hosed it , she purple shampooed it . She shoved some suds on my back legs , the not as black parts . HEY ! Anything you shampoo gets rinsed , and I don 't want more water ! She hosed all those parts off . She got out the medicated shampoo and did my tail really well all up at the top , underside too . UUUNNNN . . . that water is cold ! I got rinsed very well . Then I got to do a lawn job while she prepared my dinner . I hope the next time I 'm due a stabbing she just pokes me and leaves . I do not need to go through any of that other stuff again any time soon . Well , excepting the cookie parts , obviously . Instead of playing with me on this glorious weekend ( well , glorious until the rain started , anyway ) , Mother was off ghost sitting . And Corgi sitting . And Manatee sitting , Melon sitting , and Jack Russel Terrorist sitting , but worst of all , she spent many minutes giving cookies and hay and water to other horses ! One of them she claims is very near and dear to her heart . She laments that she can 't bring him home to retire him , as she is short of funds . He still is ride - able , and small jumps occasionally , but his people would be happy for Mother to have him , giving him an easier life and them more stall room . And he 's afraid of cameras ! All Mother does is take pictures with that little flashy thing . And clippers , and you know Mother spends lots of time managing my surplus hair with the clippers . He could never make her happy the way I do . . . I 'm sure she doesn 't want to ride or pet on him , just because she 's known him for 18 years and taught him to jump many years ago and blah blah blah . When much to my surprise Mother appeared . At first I blinked in some confusion . The Aunts had already fed me , so I didn 't expect to see Mother . Was I dreaming ? No , I am sternal . . . she looked slightly distressed , and smelled funny but familiar . I was laying on my left side , and she kept staring longingly at that hip . She even sort of ran her left hand along under there . She pet me and kissed my nose . Well , thanks Mother , that 's nice . . . is that odd but familiar smell perhaps some treat for me ? She half draped herself over my neck and back , hugging me . " Uh , can 't breath here , Mother . I 'm already crushing my lungs with my own weight , I don 't need your help . " She pet me awhile longer , although still only with her left hand . Mother instantly seemed very happy , and started smearing my left stifle with a funny smelling cream hidden in her right hand . Ah , yes , I know that smell ! Mother puts this stuff on my leg and makes it feels less ouchy . Why , thank you , Mother . May I have a cookie ? I got up and everything . . . Mother sighed , walked out to the porch , and brought me out a Mrs . Pastures cookie . OK , this kind of isn 't fun at all . Why are you taking my picture when it 's all dark and gross out ? And I am wearing the washed out pinkish looking halter , and you have it adjusted all slovenly , Mother . Can 't I just go eat dinner ? Then Mother decides that my prominent brow ridge is interesting . Oh , by the way , look at how well my mane recovered from last year 's bush - hogging . Some might never guess . . . She did give me a few Herballs after she picked my hooves and curried me everywhere . Then Mother gave me a nice ( but all too brief ) massage . She made my dinner , which was particularly perfect . . . It almost smells like apple pie with cinnamon while it is soaking . Yummm ! Friday evening Mother came up after dark to brush me and feed me . She thought I was moving rather s - l - o - w - l - y , and seemed rather grumpy . Hurrmph . I am fine , this is no concern of yours , Mother , and please make sure the donkey knows to keep an eye out for wolves . Not that the wolves would see anything that would single me out or anything . . . Oh , so back to Friday night . She lunged me briefly , and I admit I was an unenthusiastic participant , although of course obedient and well behaved . This made her comment . She also made comments about which leg I was resting . Oh , stop staring at me already ! ! She kind of ruined my better mood by saying she was going to start giving me a bunch of shots , hopefully starting later this week . She claims they will make me feel better . But if they aren 't going to send me to my Happy Place , I don 't really see how they could . She should just stay up here when I want her to , to hand me cookies and brush me and pet me . Those are nice distractions . She said something about ghost - sitting during the long holiday this coming week . She better still come up to see me . . . It has been a very busy few days for me . Mother provided our foodstuffs at all the feeding times this weekend , as the aunts and mystery uncle were nowhere to be seen . She gave me some paste on Sunday afternoon ( a little blech - y but not awful ) and then a perfect dinner . It was warm and rainy , and then a huge deluge of a storm hit in the evening . Today the hoof man was here to work on my hoovies . It was rather a humorous affair , as the donkey came in to watch and kept hovering directly over my right foot while the hoof man tried to work . Mother caught fat donkey and tied him up , since he will bang incessantly if you put him in a stall , even with food . So I 'm standing there watching the fat donkey attempt to pace while tied and then I hear hoof beats approaching from the rear . Callie and Bert appeared in the doorway of the barn , wanting entry to their favorite stall to hang out in . Mother stood back there and continually hazed them away , as shutting the barn door would have diminished the light the hoof man needed . Other than the dancing donkey and the dancing Mother , it was an uneventful trim . Mother put me in a stall and gave me a bit of hay while she prepared my dinner . Tonight 's dinner was super good , and as warm as I can eat without making the inside of my mouth hurt . I really like when my dinner is all warm and yummy . I like my dinner warm and on the sloppier side than the others like their feed soaked ~ the closer to gruel the better . The problem during these cooler months is that the food , while perfect temperature when first presented to me , rapidly cools into a less appetizing cold slop during the time it takes me to slurp it all down . If Mother could find a good way to keep it at that perfect temperature all during my dining experience , that would be great . Mother says she is unable to find any commercially available heated feed pans of a type suitable for horses . I think she might not be looking hard enough . Or she needs to get a manufacturer to make one . Or she needs to design something for me here at home . Perhaps a well insulated feed pan , preheated especially for me ? Tonight , Mother was commenting on how cold it was . . . sure it 's a bit windy , which can make it feel worse , but it 's not bad . It 's actually quite nice . Mother was saying how she almost wished she had blankets for me . She would love to bundle me up in a snuggly blanket . . . Point 2 : As you are so fond of pointing out , Mother I don 't do anything . So it 's not like I 'll sweat up and be hard to cool out and thus need less coat for work and substitute coat when I 'm not working . I 'm always not working . Point 3 : Even if I was working , as you 've noticed , Mother , I dry really fast , even if wet to the skin in my winter woolies . So I wouldn 't need less coat for work and thus would not need a substitute coat , either . Point 4 : If you ever come near me with anything that looks like this , I will kill you . And no jury in the country would convict me . Mother found this on her deceased camera . It is from her second visit to my old ND home . She still hadn 't really decided to commit to me and was taking videos and making comments to review later . I had already visited with Mother a bit that day , so was comfortable with her just walking up like this . Once I really met Mother , ie she pet me that summer day on her first visit , I knew she was my person . I just had to wait while she figured it out . The second day of that autumn trip , she brought one of the hay women with her . I wouldn 't let them near me . When Mother approached by herself , I was happy to visit with her ; then the other human could come up . I was like that for a really long time , weeks actually , using Mother as my buffer , until I realized that humans were not going to eat me , and are ( mostly ) OK . You may have noticed that some of my recent posts have not been current events in my life . That is because , well , Mother is a worrywart . She has been having trouble determining if I am not doing as well , comfort - wise , as she wants . Then last week as we walked my postal route , she noted that I was walking a bit shorter on one of my hind legs . The non - surgered leg , to be precise . I admit I have been reluctant about certain activities , like walking the hills of the postal route . I apparently seem " grumpier than usual " at times to Mother . That is a lack of Mrs . Pastures cookies , Mother . All those other cookies ( while tasty and delectable and I appreciated them ) for months and months has caused a " Mrs . Pastures cookies ' deficiency " . Grumpiness is a manifestation . MPCD is not a condition to take lightly . In trying to determine a cause , Mother has fine toothed all the aspects of my care . She had changed my joint and comfort supplements from SmartPak to something else from SmartPak that was supposed to replace the Repair and TLC , and even added some other other joint things . She is going to switch back to exactly what I was on earlier this year . She isn 't sure if it is the change of supplements ( as I 've been switched for about two and a half months ) , but she would be very happy if this proves to be the reason . Not content to concentrate on one reason at a time , she worries that it is perhaps an indication that my degenerative cartilage is in fact bilateral as many of those things can be , and the right side just wasn 't as bad as the left ( so not visible on xray ) at the time of surgery . I did have arthritic changes in my left hock when xrays were taken in 2009 . When I had my left stifle surgery , the hospital shot fresh films of both stifles , showing nothing on the right stifle at that time . They didn 't take hock pictures , so it 's possible I have arthritis on the right as well as the left , or crummy cartilage in the right stifle , or whatever else her diseased brain can come up with to worry about . In her concern for me , a few weeks ago Mother had given up the grand experiment and had the farrier out to do my hoovies . He reassured her that she had done me no harm , and he had seen worse work by professionals . My balances weren 't exactly how he had kept them , but the adjustments he made were not much and I felt fine afterwards . No improvement in my " grumpy " attitude , so that is one possible reason that she has dismissed . Possibly add Adequan in addition to the supplement routine . Gosh , walk three or four inches shorter on one side and you 'd think the world is ending ! Cookies will fix it , they fix everything . Mother has some issues . She is a rather anonymous sort . She blames it on her time " in the service " and fear of identity theft , etc . etc . ad naseum , ex post facto . . . Oh , so while she tries to maintain a certain amount of anonymity , she uses me as her shield . My name is the one on CoTH and Facebook , and comments on other blogs , but I am not usually the one saying things . This could get me in hot water , you know ? I mean , it would be one thing for her to play Jeopardy ! on Facebook under my name . . . but what if I am selected ? I don 't know the answers to all those questions ! I don 't know how to work that buzzer thingy ! Why can 't Mother get her own life and stop borrowing my things ? ? The thing I want to know is , what are you doing up there when it feels like the aliens are abducting you ? We 'll be walking along , and suddenly , Mother is just gone from my back . But her weight is still there . . . sort of . Super duper creepy . I can see her out of the corner of my eye , but the weight on my back feels different , and I just don 't understand what is going on up there . Then sometimes when that happens she is suddenly much farther forward , like she is leaning over my neck . I really don 't like that when we go under trees , but she does it anyway . This weekend she did that and the tree branches whacked her twice and I started to Get Out of Dodge , but she sat up and said to stop and all was normal again . I wouldn 't freak out Mother , if you would only stay where you are supposed to be . But how do I know tree aliens haven 't grabbed you ? And if they grabbed you , guess who 's next ? ME ! And I remember a long time ago , when I used to trot and stuff , sometimes she would rise up and down as I strode along . The first time that happened , I was very worried . Mother made me walk and rose up and down to my walk stride , which while creepy , whatever . Then she did the same thing again at trot , and it wasn 't nearly as alarming . It was actually sort of fun . Leg swing , Mother swing , leg swing , Mother swing , leg swing , Mother swing , leg swing . . . Where was I again ? We don 't really trot anymore . Mother started riding me again last fall , and she usually hops on for 7 or 8 minutes a couple times a month . I guess it makes her happy , and I won 't really complain . My leg doesn 't really bother me any more after she 's ridden me than it does on a normal day . Stalls are creepy for reasons other than the obvious lack of mobility . Most of them have solid parts up to nearly wither height , so when you are eating your hay you have to keep raising your head up to look about and make sure there are no predators at hand . Not all stalls are like that , though . . . Photo from 2008 . Gosh , that was a long time ago ! Look how dark my face was . And note my beautiful Jeanie mare on the right . . . sigh . The gate was a pipe gate with wire grid , so it was really see - throughable , and the stall was a double wide , so a lot better than normal stalls . Actually , when I lived at Uncle Jeff 's , if I wasn 't out with Snap my stall was a double wide there , too . That 's the way I prefer if I have to be in a stall . Another creepy thing about all too many stalls is that you can 't touch anyone else . It 's just you , and your own company , and four walls , and if there is no food left . . . I mean what do you want me to do ? I could go mad in there like that ! Like when I went to Equine Affair , there was nothing to look at . Solid walls on three sides , and a green wall past the front . I could smell and hear other horses , but I couldn 't see anybody . Well , at times I could see the mule next to me 's lower limbs and / or ears , as she attempted to scale the wall to get in with me . She didn 't like the isolation , either . ( Fortunately Mother spent a lot of time right outside the door with Aunt Karin , and when they were there I could put my head out and see others , and Mother took me out many times a day to graze or lunge or just walk around . ) By this point , you are wondering why any intelligent horse would be willing to subject themselves to a stall . Stalls aren 't all bad . I mean , when I first met shavings , I was in love . So warm and comfortable in cold weather , compared to laying out on the frosty ground . And no backsplash ! And it is convenient to have food and water right at hand . There 's no bad weather , although sometimes odd noises . From my old Nokota home . None of these horses is me . The one kind of reminds me of my mother , though . My horse mother , not Mother Mother . You have freedom ! You can do whatever you want , whenever you want , as long as what you want is there in the environment . Which all too often , it 's not . . . It occurred to me that humans may not really understand what goes on in the moving stall ( trailer ) behind them . While they are merrily singing and laughing and eating and drinking , things are happening in the back . So for anyone potentially riding in the back , here are some tips and knowledge I have learned through the years . 1 . If you ride crammed in with others , you don 't have to work nearly as hard to keep your balance . If you are by yourself , you want to keep at least one side or your butt up against the wall to brace yourself . Bracing yourself with your head and neck is not recommended . 1a . Some trailers have you stand with a squishy bar against your chest area , as well as in the back , and you can brace against those if you need to . These trailers allow the humans to pass under the chest bar and go out through the " escape door " . There is often some sort of hay bag that hangs off the front wall and stretches to the chest bar . 1b . Escape door is for human use only . 2 . Don 't fluff the hay with your feet . Humans may give you a wall hay bag instead of the walk - through - area - hanging - manger - y bag if you persist in trying to fluff the hay with your feet . . . sigh . So it 's not perfectly poofed the way you like it , but you know you can 't reach up that high to fluff it . Mother shakes it out when she puts it in the wall bag , actually the manger - y bag too , but it isn 't the same . . . hhhrmph . 3 . If you do fluff the hay with your feet , and end up sideways in the hay area of the walk - through with the hay bags at your feet and the head divider displaced from it 's normal location to behind your butt against the escape door , just know you can 't really eat the hay anymore . And you 'll get a crick in your neck from craning it into the passenger - side horse area since you are longer than the space is . And you may require stitches . In multiple locations . 5 . When you load , the human doing the loading will usually give you a treat once you are safely aboard . Oh , and it is best if you know at least one member of the loading team . Otherwise , you may in fact find yourself the victim of theft . From what I hear , that doesn 't end well . 6 . Display caution when loading into a step up stock trailer , especially if it has straw on the floor . If you commit and leap with too much enthusiasm , you may slide forward on the straw and crash into the front wall or cut gate . Fortunately , Mother has this really nice chiropractor that comes to visit me . 7 . If turning around is an option for unloading , it is preferable to do that so you may see how far down you may have to jump . I forget while I am on the trailer if it was a ramp or a step up or the giant step up ( which really should have a lift gate , you know ? ) . If you turn around , this problem can be avoided . If you must back off , display caution , and make sure the footing is safe before proceeding . Do not rush out backwards . 8 . If you have the option , ride backwards . You can watch Mother in her car behind you that way . Oh , and it is easier to balance . And you 're already facing out when it is time to unload . 9 . You may stop every few hours at the truck feeding smelly place . This is a great time to take care of bodily functions that are more difficult to perform while in transit . This is also a good time to fill up on hay . You can judge how long a trip it will be by whether the humans offer you water or not . Water means you may still be in there for hours ( or days . . . ) and you should drink it if offered . Trips that require only one truck feeding usually won 't have water offered . 10 . If you like people watching , truck feeding stops are the place for you . Small female humans in particular seem to be attracted to the trailer , and they can be fun to watch as they hop up and down and try to peer in . 11 . Always stay prepared . You never know when you may experience a sideways shift ( humans call these " lane changes " ) , although you may hear a faint buzz / ticking from the side that you will be shifting to right before the shift happens . These usually happen smoothly but may arise suddenly without warning . This is possibly accompanied by a sudden acceleration or deceleration that may be unpleasant . If the humans have open windows , you may hear further unpleasantness . 11a . Just because you are going slow doesn 't mean you are safe . Sometimes that just means you are going to go over a small mountain that makes the whole trailer jump . Humans call these speed bumps . I dislike speed bumps . 12 . Don 't ride while under the influence ( in your Happy Place ) . Just say no . Well , actually , I say yes , but that 's because I 've found if they load you up while you are still Happy , they usually will stop before very long and get out and go feed themselves . So you sit there and eventually wake up a little bit more , and then you are fully awake awake , and then you start to realize that you are really , really hungry but there is no food because you were in your Happy Place , and by the time the humans come back you just want to get going . Come on ! Let 's get home for my dinner ! Aunt Nancy is a wonderful human . She has been there for me at a lot of important times , like when I first arrived in Ohio . She drove me on the trips I made to see Uncle Jeff , and visited me everyday when I was in the hospital for my skull , and she 's just really nice . She is currently halfway across the country , taking care of all sorts of horses that have been injured , or got tummy aches while pulling the beer wagon ( I overheard Mother talking to Aunt Nancy about how they had one of the Budweiser horses come in . Mother tells me Budweiser is a kind of beer . And the horse showed up in a really , really big truck . Why don 't they just use that to haul the beer ? ) or whatever , or are just sick and need help . During a particularly bad stretch of frequent colics and surgeries , Aunt Nancy was feeling a little stressed . I think it was a matter of sleep deprivation , since she too often works without ceasing during her " call weeks " . Mother calls her all the time , I didn 't know it was so stressful . Anyway , Aunt Nancy started describing things in a most unusual fashion . She was detailing surgeries using song lyrics and definite rhymes . Mother , ever the great empathizer , came up with this : Just a touch , mind you . I don 't see what could be more important than friends and food and love . And she rode me for seven or ten minutes yesterday . I do things . Welcome to my mouth This was the focus of my weekend . Everything that happened was because of this . Mother appeared very early on Saturday morning , and grumbled when she saw my sides , as they were not as white and clean as she had left them on Friday . My mane and tail were full of shavings . She made some not nice sort of comment , but then tilted her head and smiled . " I guess you got a good night 's sleep , anyway . " Why , yes I did , Mother . About time you looked at it from the proper perspective . I endured her spraying me with something and rubbing me with a wet towel , ( ugh ) , then off we went . We went out through the back pasture and into a place I don 't know real well . We walked down an enormous hill , and then she made me trot alongside her in the grass while she trotted on the road . At one point I heard a car coming and Mother had me walk . She told the other humans later that the black mustang was going entirely too fast . The aunts were there , and we loitered until the truck and big trailer with the big step showed up . I climbed aboard , and we headed north for a long time . Then we headed east a while . We stopped at the funny smelling place where they feed the truck , then we finally got to Uncle Jeff 's . The first thing I did when Mother led me off the trailer was look at the field where Snap and I used to stay . I didn 't see her . I sighed , and Mother took me around to the round pen in back to wait until Uncle Jeff was ready for me . I called once for Snap , but heard no answer , so I took advantage of the amenities the round pen had to offer . Mother brought me a bucket of water , which was nice . Finally , it was my turn in the torture chamber . I went in quite willingly , as I had also lived here for a lot of weeks , but I knew a moment 's hesitation when I realized Mother intended I go in to the stocks . Sigh , fine . This is to be a torture session , I see . Uncle Jeff gave me the Happy Place juice , and then he started doing what he does . It is loud and vibrate - y and weird . I kept looking at Mother : You said we were going to go visit Uncle Jeff . You didn 't say it was a torture session . When we were walking around before I loaded into the trailer , we walked over by the field again . I peered anxiously in to the run in shed . There was a large piece of farm equipment . And the water trough . . . I don 't see it ! Where is Snap ? How are we supposed to stay here without water , and nowhere to stand in the run in ? Mother told me Snap had a new home , and that I was not staying . We walked some more and one of the chickens squawked and levitated and flapped 18 inches off the ground . I snorted under my breath with every stride , Mother giggled . Finally , we were ready to load up . I stood and debated my options for about a minute , but since Snap wasn 't there , I sighed and heaved up the large step into the trailer for the long southern trip . I am a fifteen year old horse named Boyfriend , sometimes Bif . Sometimes " You 're a Good Man , Charlie Brown " . Sometimes names I really don 't think bear repeating . After years of misappropriating mother 's phone and email , I now have my own site . Have a question for me ? Please email me Boyfriend @ IamBoyfriend . comAll of the stuff under My Favorite Grazing Places and Mother 's Favorite Sites are unpaid ( why would I need money ? ) , Mother just really likes them and likes to share . She can be a generous sort , at times . . . |
Setting to work on the report was a little difficult . She didn 't know exactly how to start . She had all sorts of ideas of things she wanted to include but didn 't know where to get started . I really wanted this to be her project so I tried to stay out of it as much as I could . She got a bit frustrated when I wouldn 't give her the folder and paper to make the lapbook yet . I told her before I could give her the paper and such she needed to come up with a list of the things she waned to include and then we needed to go online and find images of things she needed to cover the topics she wanted to include . Once the outline was made she really wanted to paper . I relented even though I knew she wasn 't quite ready for it . Again she got upset when she started cutting and pasting things and then they didn 't turn out quite right or things got lost or didn 't fit . So we started over again this time I had to help her think through each topic and come up with a way we could display the information that would be organized and look fun . I think it turned out pretty well . And I know she did most of it all by herself . She chose the topics and the information that went into it . I just helped with the display a little . It was still mostly entirely her project . I know in these photos it is hard to see the details . But on the left flap there is a mini book about Monk seals . And of course she has a map of Hawaii . On the right are the Hawaiian words she learned . Here are the insides of the flaps . Monk seal information . Kanani goes to a Lua ' u so the top of the next flap is information and pictures about what a Lua ' u is . She was fascinated by the number of islands and also that each has volcano . My kids couldn 't get over the pictures of the black sand beaches . And the trigger fish just had a really long Hawaiian name , Humuhumunkunukupua ' a . Here is a close up of the Hawaiian words . My favorite is Ho ' opono which according to the Kanani book means " to do the right thing " . We interpreted that to mean " Choose the Right " . But I guess it means more about making things right and asking for forgiveness . Aloha Kanani is about a girl named Kanani Akina . She lives on the island of Kaui , in the town of Waipuna with her parents . Her cousin , Rachel is coming to stay for the Summer . Rachel is from New York and is probably going to think Waipuna is prehistoric . Kanani tries to get Rachel to feel at home and finds that she couldn 't do it really well . Later Kanani thinks she sees a monk seal but its only a tree trunk . Rachel didn 't make fun of it and infact comforted Kanani . The next day Kanani really sees a monk seal pup . It was wrapped in a net . They called the nonk seal rescue which sends a volunteer and a marine biologist . After the rescue , Kanani and rachel went paddle boarding and ha a lot of fun . At the end of the book Kanani was sad when Rachel has to go home to New York . I know the report is a bit rough and we need to work a bit more on it but she was so thrilled with her entire project . Sophie really wants a Kanani Doll now so she can do her long hair in braids . My boys just really want to go to Hawaii . When I asked them if they would rather go to Disneyland or Hawaii they all said Hawaii . Tonight I showed my kids a movie I remember watching many times in my younger days . Wild Hearts Can 't be Broken . I remembered this story as one that took place during the depression so put it on my Netflix queue . It arrived the other day . I am not surprised that they loved it . ( except for the kissing part " Do we have to watch the kissing parts ? ) They thought it was a lot of fun and got even more excited when they found out it was a true story . I even had a book on the shelf that I had picked up at the library about Sonora and her high diving horse . We of course had to read it right that minute . I really enjoyed reading some more about Sonora in the book . The author 's note and the dust jacket filled in a bit more about the story . And after doing a little internet search I found out the movie isn 't very accurate ( but then when is the movie ever true to the real story ) . It is still a fun story to read and watch . On the dust jacket the author tells how the horses loved jumping so much that when one of them got out of their stall they ran up the ramp and jumped all on its own . I just don 't think we would see an act like that these days . I certainly wouldn 't want to do the jumping off of a 40 and sometimes 60 foot tower into a pool of water . My kids of course then had to do some horse dives . Luckily there tower was only 2 feet high . But they laid out the blue blanket so it could be their pool to land in and took turns being the rider and announcer . My kids just never seem to have any fun ! On Mondays there tends to be a large amount of laundry to fold . There is often loads and loads of laundry that goes through the washing and drying process on Saturday but just never gets folded until Monday . Yesterday while we set to work on 5 baskets of laundry to fold . I couldn 't help but see that my children 's personalities come through in the way that they attack this chore . The moment Ian saw that I was sorting the clothes , without me even saying anything , he came over to his pile and started folding . He isn 't the best folder . Sometimes his clothes look more mashed then folded . I usually remind him to take his time and do the job well . He redoes the clothes that I tell him need a little more effort . He puts everything mish mash together in one pile . So pants , shirts , under ware , socks and such all end up in the pile according to the order that they were folded . He then takes them to his room and stuffs them on his shelf . It does end up a bit of a mess and his shirts and pants aren 't put on the proper shelves but they are put away and his is done . I do often have to remind him to put the towels and sheets that he has folded away but for the most part he doesn 't need me to ride him too hard to do the job . I am hoping one day he will fold a bit neater and get the clothes on the right shelves but for now he is doing a pretty good job . Sophie usually waits until I am totally done sorting the baskets into piles . When I start folding my clothes she figures it is time to come and fold hers . So we sit and fold clothes together talking about this or that . She folds her clothes pretty much as I have taught her . They aren 't quite as exact as I usually fold mine but she has her little stacks of shirts , pants and things all separate that are ready to take to her room . But she usually gets distracted a few times in the process of creating those piles and ends up with a book sitting next to her that she is thumbing through as she forgets she was folding . I have to bring her back to the task to finish folding and then also remind her to take her piles to her room . She takes one trip and gets distracted and leaves a few other piles waiting to be removed to their proper places . Eventually , with several reminders , the job is done and all her socks and shirts have made their way back to her shelves . Henry is told to fold clothes when the piles are ready and he will quickly tell me that he hasn 't had enough to eat or that he needs to run to the bathroom . So he runs off to do whatever it is he has decided to use to stall the inevitable . Usually he doesn 't surface again until most of the others have already folded their things and have them put away . I remind him again that his clothes are waiting . He throws a tantrum and complains that his pile is too big or that the others aren 't folding clothes . I go through the ritual of telling him that he has a lot of clothes because he puts a lot of items in the laundry . He changes his clothes a lot during the day for different reasons so often his pile is bigger than the others . He tells me how unfair it is and tries the " I 'm too little to do this " tactic . He has been folding clothes for years so this doesn 't work but he always tries it . He continues to complain and cry while he slowly folds a few pieces in his pile . He is actually the most accurate folder of all the kids . His piles are the neatest and he actually matchesIan is usually done the quickest , 10 minutes tops but his clothes aren 't very precise . Sophie would be fast except for the distractions and her clothes are done satisfactorily . Henry takes forever , 2 hours to finish his pile yesterday . He also lost previleges because of his stalling and tantrums but I know he will do the same thing next time when asked to do anything . He does end up with nice crisply folded clothes but it is a lot of work to get it done . I don 't know exactly how to help Ian fold his clothes more neatly . I remind him and have him redo them but he still rushes . I don 't know how to keep Sophie focused on her task . She is so easily distracted by anything around her . Henry , I hope , just needs to grow up and get past the tantrums . We have been saying it is just a stage for years now . We keep waiting for this stage to pass but it seems to have gotten worse . These descriptions pretty much sketch out each of these children 's approach to life and any task put in front of them . Ian gets the job done but isn 't interested in the details . Sophie does a good job but just can 't keep her head in the game to finish without someone to bring her back . Henry just fights everything . But when he is forced to do the task it is done well . It is rather daunting to think I have to figure out how to encourage each of these children to work when each has such different methods . Each has difficulties to overcome and each has a different strength to promote . It will be interesting to see what Molly 's style will be . Posted by We finally made it to World War I in our history studies . I can 't say we did an intense study of the war . There really isn 't a whole lot in the children 's section of the library about this particular war . We had already read the Christmas book about the Truce at Christmas time . And there just wasn 't much else I could find to really make this time period come to life . There wasn 't even a You wouldn 't want to . . . . book from this war . This surprised me a bit . I have already picked up the two for WWII . Perhaps I need to write the publisher and complain or at the very least make a suggestion for a topic they havne 't covered . You wouldn 't want to . . . be in the trenches , or be in " no mans land " . I am sure there would be enough to fill a book ! We did really enjoy this particular book . We found Going to War in World War I much more interesting than the DK Eyewitness WWI book . We listened to some music from the time period . I even found a great CD that was the music that was played on the Titanic . So we were able to listen to music from before the war and then another CD of wartime music . They really loved the Edwardian , Titanic music . We were dancing and waltzing around the living room . We also watched A Bear Named Winnie . It is about the bear that inspired Christopher Robin to rename his bear Winnie the Pooh . My kids loved learning some of the background story of the bear that comes from Canada and ended up in a London Zoo . The fact that it was WWI soldiers that did it was just a bonus . I like to think the movie helped them understand a little of what it was like for those soldiers to go to war and live in trenches and such . It didn 't really show a whole lot of the war itself which is fine since my kids are still a little young to see such things . But I think they did take away something about soldier life and how this war changed warfare . I had thought we should memorize the Poem In Flanders Field but it didn 't happen and my kids are ready to move on . So perhaps we will save that for the next time WWI rolls around . We did go over and assemble the activities included on our Time Travelers Unit as well so I feel like we covered this topic pretty well . Next week we are going to spend some time in the Roaring 20 's and learn about Jazz . I am excited to read all the story books I found at the library this week and listen to some of the fun music . I will have to share some of our favorites at the end of the week . Posted by Do I take a lot of pictures of my girls ? I know Molly certainly gets a lot of photos taken of her many antics . Perhaps that is because she is the youngest and the baby so I am treasuring each little thing she does . Sophie gets lots of pictures because she is the oldest and does everything first . In either case my girls tend to get lots of attention . I guess I need to at least try to give the boys equal time ! Posted by Memorization - The kids love to . . . or perhaps I should say are getting used to going over all our memorization pieces each day after scripture time . We have our two Psalms , 23 and 100 , which we have added to our Articles of Faith . We are now up to the 10th A of F . We also added back in some poetry too . We know the Christina Rossetti Poem , Who has Seen the Wind and this week added Emily Dickenson 's I Haven 't Seen a Moor . Both of these are very short so were rather easy to memorize . We also try to review The Living Christ a few times a week since it isn 't staying in our memory as it should especially those last few paragraphs . We just didn 't have the weeks and weeks of review on those like we did on the earlier paragraphs . So it has returned to our Memorization reviews too . Latin - This isn 't or hasn 't been a regular feature of our days yet but we get it in at least twice a week or so . This means we have a few new Latin words added each week . This seems alright for now . Art - We look the picture of the day from the Metropolitan Museum 's Calendar each day . That is about it as far as art study . Some days it just isn 't something we are that excited about and some days we talk about the picture for awhile . Math - Boys are plugging away at Singapore Math . Sophie is enjoying Life of Fred Fractions . Everyone seems to be doing fine and doesn 't fight it too much . Language Arts - Sophie is doing really well with Writing with Ease . She loves that the quotes used in the program are almost always from books she has already read . It makes me feel good to know we have read so many great books . We usually do two weeks worth of lessons each week . She is doing level 2 quickly to sort of " catch up " . I can tell she is getting much better about writing narrations . She doesn 't like letting me write them for her . She likes to do it herself . She also isn 't having to much trouble or help from me writing a report on the American Girl Kanani book . The boys are still working through Explode the Code . Ian is ready to move into more advanced things so will be doing Writing with Ease soon . Henry is improving in his reading and has the neatest penmanship of all the kids . History - Very slowly going through our Time Travelers unit . We are up to WWI finally but just don 't seem that excited about it . There just aren 't nearly as many great picture books to make this time period come to life a little more . We have stuck to a lot of biographies . But we are moving along and are revisiting American Girl Kit already . We found her audio book at the library and have already started to listen to her stories again . Science - One day we will get back to doing something science related . I know they read a lot of science books . That is what they seem to always check out of the library each week . They have books about simple machines , animals , space and energy coming in and out of the library bag each week and I see them read those books so I guess they get science , just nothing formal right now . Reading - We seem to make it through lots of books . Ian is reading The Lighthouse Family . I suggested them as a way to increase his confidence in reading . He reads well but just didn 't feel ready to tackle a chapter book yet . Magic Tree House books are next ! Sophie reads anything and everything she can get her hands on . I wouldn 't even come close to try to list all the books she flips through each day . Read Aloud - The 21 Balloons was a great audio book . Halloween books - Henry knows how to find all the Halloween books at the library and that is what he chooses to fills his bag . So I have read quite a few Halloween books lately . He loved Good night Goon and Furious George . Music - The boys are learning to play Indiana Jones on the piano . I can tell Ian is starting to learn to read the music . This is good since I haven 't tried any formal music lessons with him at all yet . Henry just memorizes where his fingers need to go rather than try to read the music . That is about it . I can 't say it is a complete list but it is what I can remember at the moment . Henry is getting very good at being the floor man . He vacuums and sweeps regularly . The older two have no problem emptying in the dishwasher but hate having to load the dirty dishes . They say it is gross . We are working on that one . Beds , room and laundry get cleaned up when I remind them to do it . Lots of room to improve here ! Put your peels in the garbage . Put your plate in the dishwasher . Cup and silverware too . Hang back up your wet towel . Get your clothes on . Take your dirties to the laundry . Don 't hit your sister . We don 't need to yell . Use a softer voice . The dishwasher needs to be emptied . Wipe the table / counter off . The laundry needs to be changed . The floor still isn 't sweptYour clothes still aren 't folded . Put your clothes away . Put the books back on the shelf . Clean up after yourself . Shoes in the shoe place . Don 't jump on the furniture . Don 't whistle in the house . Your jacket is just sitting on the floor . Sticks don 't come in the house . The house has to be clean before we can _________ ( go to the park , have legos down , go for a bike ride ) . Flush the toilet . You don 't need to use that much paper . Now you get to clean the floor . No you can not play the wii . I am feeling like I just spit out the same phrases over and over again , day in and day out . I must not be doing a very good job at getting my kids to do anything or help me around the house . They work but I have to ride them the entire time . I feel like the slave master with a strong whip . Am I expecting too much to think that my kids could actually do a few things without me having to remind them 50 times ? ! My husband has told me that I seem to always be in a bad mood . Somehow I am expected to get my kids to work and do it with a smile . Or else I just have to do all the work myself and be happy about it . I guess I am just not that patient and good humored . I get tired of being the task master and I have a hard time enjoying the life of the scullery maid , housekeeper , governess , cook , washer woman all in one . I am not very good at it either because our house seems to constantly be a mess . I just don 't know how to get results . My kids are used to working . They have been taught how to do the tasks . It isn 't a new experience . They are capable , they just require reminding and reminding . . . and usually reminding again . This broken record is worn out ! While on my Mission I cut my hair short . I had some roommates , " the Spanish sisters " or " Las Hermanas " , convinced me to cut it like one of the models in a L . L . Bean catalogue that we had received in the mail ( Yes those even come to Missionary apartments ) . Up until that time I had always had my hair bobbed . It was short or sometime left to grow a little past my shoulders . I sometimes had bangs or sometimes let them grow out with the rest of my hair . So this change to very short layers was quite a change for me . A few months later it was popular for the Sister Missionaries to add highlights . My companion and I bought a box of do it yourself high lights and played beauty shop one preparation day and both ended up a lot blonder . I had never dyed my hair before . It would go lighter in the summer because of sun , and when I was little it would sometimes go greenish because of so much pool time , but that was the extent of my hair color changes . The trouble with highlights is that they grow out and then you have to do them again . So a month or two later I had to fix my roots again . And each time I did this my hair seemed to get lighter and lighter . I wouldn 't call my hair dark . It is brown and has gotten darker over time until now I can 't even claim to be blond at all ( unless I add hightlights ) I went home from my mission looking pretty blond . While at BYU during that year after mission I couldn 't afford to buy hightlighting stuff so I let it grow out and before long I had just boring old brown hair . I kept it short and layered . I did pay for haircuts but only when I couldn 't stand my hair any longer and finally broke down and paid for it to be done . I just hated the hassle and expense of dying it . I haven 't dyed my hair since my mission . Now it has been 13 years and 4 kids later and this is now the color of my hair . I can 't even pretend I just have a few gray hairs . It is starting to look somewhat frosted . I certainly look like I have highlighted but instead of blond it is with gray . I don 't really notice or think about it on most days . I really should dig out the curling iron everyday but I usually make due with just a round brush and the blow dryer . Sunday is the usually the only day I take the time to curl it . When I have that fat curling Iron with chunks of my hair in it I really see the many different colors in my hair . So what do I do ? Most people color their hair and hide that pesky gray . I really don 't want to do that . I have visions of 70 + year old Sister Gray ( that was her actual name ) when I was a child suddenly coming the church with black hair . My Sister and I jokingly asked my Mom if we should start calling her " Sister Black " . I don 't want to be one of those ladies that continue to try look young when they really should be embracing the change into seasoned woman . Now I am not that old and still have young children . I don 't want to be mistaken for their grandma . So do I cover my grey and try to look younger than I am ? Or do I just let nature take its course and watch my hair go from frosted to hopefully snow white . That is what my Grandma and now my mom have . It is lovely white hair . That is one of the memories I have of my Grandma . I was sitting behind her in a Relief Society Meeting and looked at her beautiful white hair . I remember thinking . . . " I hope my hair looks like hers one day " . I just don 't know if I am ready for that day to come too quickly . For now I will just continue to go gray gracefully . I am sure nobody will even think twice about it . My husband is almost completely gray and starting to really thin out . So I guess we will match ! Not the thinning part , I hope ! ! ! When I was a kid we watched a lot of old movies . AMC ( American Movie Classics ) was one of the channels that we seemed to always have on . As a result I grew to know most of the stars of the 30 's and 40 's as well as many , many of the classics of the Golden Age of Movies . We limit screen time a lot more than my parents did but I still like to introduce some of these classic movies to my kids . I throw them into the mix now and again . My kids almost always complain because they want to watch Star Wars or Harry Potter for the 100th time . My kids are rather skeptical about new movies . I have to convince them that I know how to pick winners . Tonight we decided to watch a movie and I got to choose . Or perhaps I should say I insisted that I choose . And I picked Meet Me In St . Louis . My sister and I used to make fun of the hair styles in this movie and usually fast forwarded through some of the songs but I thought it would be a good one to introduce to my kids because the story takes place in 1904 which is the time period we are studying . Not that it is exactly true to the turn of the century styles , there are some 1940 's that creep in for sure ! but I thought it would give them a taste of what life would be like at that time . I think it did the trick . They were glued to the set and watched the entire film ( even the songs I wanted and itched to fast forward through but didn 't ) . And at the end of the film Henry turned to me and said " I liked that Movie " . I told him that I knew he would and that I can almost always pick a winner . A few weeks ago , on the drive to Grandma 's house , I made my kids watch Seven Brides for Seven Brothers . They hadn 't ever actually seen it but you can 't help but be familiar with it if you spend any time at Grandma 's house . Aunt Julie loves this movie and plays it quite often , between showings of Back to the Future or Home Alone . Seven Brides is one of those shows I think that I know every line of dialogue , every note of music and can picture every facial expression . I hadn 't seen it in years but could still sing along to all the songs as we traveled down to road to Grandma 's house . My kids laughed and giggled all the way through it . They especially loved the big fight in the middle where the brothers knock down the barn that they are supposed to be helping to raise . Posted by I have been rather silent this week . I guess I just don 't have a lot to share . We are not sick . We are not going anywhere out of the ordinary . We aren 't doing anything except the normal stuff . Life is good and just seemed to flow this week without too many hang ups . The living room did tend to look a lot like this . The kids felt like they really needed the trains , blocks , playmobiles , and legos all out at the same time . I was surprised that clean up was actually easier than when they only have one box of stuff out . Each was given an assignment and they did it and each night the front room was ready for school the next day . Molly actually really loves to play trains . Sophie LOVED Thomas trains when she was this age . The boys played with the trains but didn 't get that excited about them . Our tracks are very beat up and many of the pieces have , in the course of years , made their way to the trash because they get abused and broken . So our set has dwindled quite a bit . But there are still enough to make a little track and that was all Molly needs right now . Notice that popcorn on the floor ? Molly still insists on a bowl of popcorn each day . She goes to the cabinet and gets out the popper all by herself when she feels it is time . One morning she got it out for breakfast . While we are on the subject of Molly . . . . She is starting to really communicate . She has a number of words that come out more or less clearly but she is picking up signs for things quite easily . One night she was pointing out all the dogs , cats , birds and flowers in a book and making the sign for each of them . Lest you forget there are other children that reside in this house I will include a few pictures of the older kids . Who ever said that the younger children never get any pictures is totally wrong . Molly is certainly in the majority of the photos I snap each day . Each of these kids has such a strong personality and are so different from each other . It love getting to see them develop in all the different ways . I am glad they are such good friends ( I keep meaning to write up our weekly school report ( We do fit a little study time in each day ) but everyone else 's posts that I read always sound so much more impressive . I feel good about what we are able to accomplish each day yet there is always that nagging feeling like I am not doing enough or I guess I should say requiring enough . That is when I remember the principle of inspire not require . I already require quite a bit academically from my children . They do need time to just read books and play without me directing it all . I think we are doing alright ! Posted by We are sort of eclectic homeschoolers . We try to follow the principles of Thomas Jefferson Education . We love Charlotte Mason 's ideas . And take advice from The Well Trained Mind . Somehow all the bases are covered and WE THRIVE ! |
A lot of advice articles have been going viral . Most of them are written by barely twenty - something 's , or have titles that are controversial but the article says exactly what the reader believes . As a twenty - something , I feel like my advice is pretty much comparable to a twelve year - old 's with better grammar . That being said , here is a dose of unqualified advice from a twenty - something : Aaron and I have been dieting since school started in August . We aren 't to our goal weights yet ( thanks , Christmas ) but so far , between the two of us , we have lost four pant sizes and seventy - seven pounds . Here is a seventy - seven pound Dachshund for a frame of reference . I 'm not telling you this to brag ( although it is nice to slip that piece of good news somewhere in here ) but to say I struggle with this point I am eventually going to get to . There has been a trend where everyone claims everyone is beautiful . And however nice that sounds , repeating it over and over again doesn 't make it true . Although society 's definition of beauty changes based on what era we are in , not everyone is going to fit in the cookie cutter definition of beauty . It is instinctual to judge people based on looks and the sound of their voice . In fact , it takes a millisecond to decide if someone is trustworthy or not . That isn 't necessarily something to be ashamed of , it is just biology . I understand we need to be aware of how we present ourselves . But why do we value ourselves on how we fit in a size two or how well we can contour our face rather than other character traits , such as intelligence , kindness , or integrity ? I 'm not saying you need to pick one trait or another . Don 't run out after not showering for weeks and yell at people to accept you because you have a masters degree . Please bathe . I would be offended if all a person could say about me is that I am fashionable or know how to apply makeup . I would much rather someone praise how I stick to my beliefs , or that I am clever , or kind . How about for your New Years resolution , in addition to losing theChelsea Hill There is something special about sunrises . I am saying this as a person who doesn 't appreciate mornings , otherwise . A sunrise is like a page is being turned and new words are waiting to be written for the day . Aaron and I found ourselves witnessing one yesterday and if sunrises are special , a Christmas sunrise is that much more so . I tend to witness Christmas morning sunrises and I was glad yesterday was no exception . We were driving to Lubbock 's airport to make our journey to Round Rock . I was reminiscing about past Christmases , and missing the Christmas magic that came standard with being a child . Christmas will never feel like it did when we were children but hopefully we wil be able to see it through our own kids someday . Our plane ride was pretty exciting . I was certain we sat next to Tom Selleck , but Aaron said it was a 5 ' 8 " man with a hispanic accent . In the middle of the flight , we heard a sudden yell from a man two rows behind us and an announcement asking if there was a doctor in the house . Fortunately , there was a doctor and a nurse and through careful eavesdropping , I discovered that the man experienced his first siezure . It didn 't last very long and the doctor talked to him throughout the duration of the flight . He seemed to be okay and fortunately it isn 't a very long flight . It was so nice seeing my family , eating too much , and giggling half of those calories off playing white elephant afterwards . My mom is on the board of directors for a professional theatre company in Austin and we saw one of their plays today . I always get so nostalgic for the theatre whenever we see plays . In a perfect world , I would love to start a community theatre in Seagraves . Maybe someday . You know , when I suddenly find myself with free time . ( I should probably delete this paragraph so no one can hold me accountable for this statement ) . Posted by Julia and Julia is playing in the background ( the ladies won that battle ) , the dog is snoring , the men are talking cars , and Mimi is watching videos about cats with a sweet smile on her face . This year is Aaron 's side of the family 's turn with Thanksgiving . Although I have eaten at a variety of Thanksgiving tables throughout the course of my young life , I have discovered there is a list of unspoken rules that occur at these tables , no matter what location or who surrounds it . Here is the condensed version : 1 . Stories that have been told 100 times will be told a 101th time . 2 . The Thanksgiving meal will never start on time . 3 . Something will be spilled or broken ( usually by yours , truly ) . 4 . A comment will be made on how Thanksgiving has snuck up on them . 5 . Someone else will comment on how everyone 's head is in their electronic devices6 . It takes a lot of convincing to get the men away from the football game once dinner is finally ready . 7 . A forgotten dish will be remembered once everyone is finally in their place at the table , causing the person positioned closest to the kitchen to retrieve it , along with 10 other forgotten items . 8 . " I will never eat like that again , " will be uttered . 9 . Turkey will sedate the consumer . 10 . No one is happy with the Cowboys . Of course , there are traditions that belong to different branches of family , but these universal rules of the Thanksgiving table are as comfortable as a thousand blankets . Deck the Hills with blankets and vicks . cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough coughTis the season to be sneazy sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneezeDon we now our sweats and hoodies cough cough cough , sneeze sneeze sneeze , cough cough coughTroll the ancient songs of sickness . sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze , sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze . Turn the heat up , it 's really cold . cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough No , nevermind I 'm hot as TexasSneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze Follow me and you 'll get sick cough cough cough cough cough , cough cough cough coughWait , I 'll spray with disinfectantsneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze , sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze Fast away this weekend passes cough cough cough cough cough , cough cough cough cough Hail the new week , swollen eyes sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze , sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze Now we are coughing all togetherCough cough cough cough cough , cough cough coughIf only we had more sick days off . Sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze ! cough cough cough , sneeze sneeze sneeze sneeze ! Hope you enjoyed the oh , so clever parody ( cough , cough ) . It may not be clever , but it is the song of this household . We seem to be in that time of year when one of us is sick for a week , then the other takes over , and then we have two weeks in between of being healthy . I 've said it before , and I 'll say it again . It 's hard being married to a teacher . Posted by Today we had a birthday party for Lucy because why not ? If she is going to be my subsitute baby , we might as well treat her like it . To start , I played the part of making her wear a birthday outfit she had no desire of wearing . . . and she played her part by rolling her eyes , fighting me on it , and finally complying to make me happy . We made up for the embarassing photo - op with yummy treats . My dog usually takes her sweet time eating food so we knew she really liked it because she ate this right up . Oh , and Lucy made sure the festive hat wouldn 't bother her again . As you can see , it was quite the chore getting a somewhat decent picture . . . Until next time , pawty on ! Last May , Aaron found me weeping in the bathtub essentially throwing a full on tantrum . Why ? Well I happened to catch on the radio that Paul McCartney was coming to Lubbock in June . I mentioned this to Aaron , and he somehow thought I figured out that he was going to try to find tickets for our anniversary . To be honest , I had no idea and didn 't think we stood a chance to get tickets . He joined the fan club to buy pre - order tickets and the website wouldn 't accept any of our email addresses . So I went from being excited beyond belief to being way disappointed . ( Hence , the grown - up tantrum in a bathtub . ) It 's a good thing Aaron is blinded by love because that display wasn 't the most flattering . Fast foward to two weeks before our anniverary ; I accidentally found Paul McCartney tickets in the place I usually hide gifts . We seriously cannot keep secrets from each other . I wanted Aaron to feel like he still surprised me so I planned on keeping that a secret . Whenever I saw him , that plan was thrown out because I couldn 't stop smiling . Again , secrets cannot be kept in this house . Fast foward again to anniversary weekend . Paul McCartney got sick and had to postpone the concert . ( No , I responded like a grown - up and didn 't throw myself in the bathtub ) . Fast foward one last time ( sorry about all this time travel ) to last week . We were so excited because on Saturday , we would finally get to go to the concert of our lifetime . Thursday during lunch , Aaron tells me we have a problem . The concert isn 't on Saturday , it is tonight . If Aaron hadn 't happened to have the radio on to the right station at the right time in his two minute commute from the church to the house , we would have gone to Lubbock on Saturday expecting Paul McCartney and would have ended up having another bathtub temper tantrum . While we were driving , trying to find a parking space , I kept seeing these motorcycle cops passing us . I start to realize there is a reason for all of these . In slow motion I turn my head to see a black SUV with a window rolled down withChelsea Hill The day came where the sheet that told you what you must wear to show school spirit was passed out . I explained to the students what the different days meant and then lined them up to be dismissed for the day . It was so fun talking to the other teachers what we could do for different days , figuring out how far out of dress code we could go , and if mustaches should be involved . Then comes the night before the first day of dressing goofy . Many thoughts go through my head : What if I get the days mixed up ? What if I am the only teacher to dress up ? I wonder if I could dress normal ? Should I bring a change of clothes just in case ? I am going to be the one person to take this too far . Am I the only one to get ridiculously nervous to dress up for homecoming week ? It is all fun and games until you actually have to go through with it . This kind of reminds me of a couple years ago on my birthday you could get free food at Chic - fil - a for dressing up like a cow . I was so excited . Aaron and I worked really hard on our trash bag costume . He didn 't really want to do it but he was a sport to go through with it , anyway . We got ready , took the obligatory facebook picture and headed that way . As soon as we got within a mile of the establishment , I was willing to forget the whole thing and pay for food somewhere else . Aaron made us go through with it and I didn 't melt even though we saw people we knew . When I was in ninth grade , someone told me they liked how I didn 't care what clothes were cool to wear . Well , to them I say I did care , I just wasn 't very good at it . And to you reading this , I shall be school spirited and wear goofy clothing because that apparently is how to show you support your school . Just know that I would rather be wearing my plain , unfashionable clothing . Posted by Made you look ! I apologize for the deceptive title and for the inevitable rumors that will be running around . There are no little Hills just yet . To explain the attention grabbing title , let 's start from the beginning : In the beginning , God created the heavens and the earth . Okay , maybe not that far back . A couple of weeks ago , Aaron and I had the opportunity to go to our Alma Mater ( Hardin - Simmons University ) for a worship conference with the Gettys . If you don 't know who they are , basically they are the most influential hymn writers of this century . In the evening , they had a concert . I say concert , but it was an amazing worship service . They are from Ireland so they had an Irish folk meets bluegrass kind of sound . And no , it was not a strange combination because bluegrass comes from Ireland . Anyway , they had a presentation for Compassion International . Basically , they work with children in poverty all over the world . Taken from their website : Compassion International is a Christian child development organization dedicated to releasing children from poverty . Our ministry is twofold : We work through local churches to provide child development programs to deliver children from economic , physical , social and spiritual poverty , enabling them to become responsible , fulfilled Christian adults . And we speak out for children in poverty - informing , motivating and equipping others to become advocates for children . Basically what sold me was one of the people in the video that was a sponsored child came out on stage and talked to us about his experience . He talked about how the program gave him hope in a country where there was none . We are now supporting a child from Bangledesh with letters , money , and prayer . So yes , we have a new child in our lives . He just happens to live in a different country . I write this not to brag , but to encourage you to support a child . There are several kids waiting ! Their website is compassion . com for more information . Outside of school , here are things I googled today : How often do dogs steal ringsWhile in my home uniform of sweat - pants and naked feet , I hear my husband calling me to check out Lucy 's collar to make sure her tags weren 't missing . Confused as to why he couldn 't look himself , but obliging anyway , I discover a ring connected to her collar . My sweet husband replaced the ring the same dog stole a couple of months ago . That 's right , he liked it so much , he put a ring on it twice . Statistics of people who wear their watch on their dominate handLast blog - post , I wrote on how , as an introvert , I am very observant . As an observant one , I have noticed that I seem to be the only one who wears a watch on their right - hand . After minutes of searching , I have found that most people wear their watch on their non - dominate hand . So that 's why I 've been getting all of these judgemental glances aimed towards the old time - keeper . . . I hold my pen with my thumb out Along with admitting that I can 't dress myself properly , I have to admit that I can 't hold a pen properly . I hold it with my thumb out and it motions what I am writing . Another way to say this is my thumb wraps around my index finger . It 's called an " inefficient grip . " I am now convinced that I have poor visual - motor integration . I guess I am done internetting now . Any longer and I might think my pale skin is a symptom of mad cow disease . Posted by Do you ever have those times when God has put something on your heart and then the pastor talks about it in his sermon ? It happens all the time for me ! I think it is great that pastors tailor their sermons after my life , but there are other people in the congregation . In 1 Corinthians 12 : 12 - 19 , Paul compares the church to the body of Christ . Just as a body , though one , has many parts , but all its many parts form one body , so it is with Christ . For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body - whether Jews or Gentiles , slave or free - and we were all given the one Spirit to drink . Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many . Now if the foot should say , " Because I am not a hand , I do not belong to the body , " it would not for that reason stop being part of the body . And if the ear should say , " Because I am not an eye , I do not belong to the body , " it would not for that reason stop being part of the body . If the whole body were an eye , where would the sense of hearing be ? If the whole body were an ear , where would the sense of smell be ? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body , every one of them , just as he wanted them to be . If they were all one part , where would the body be ? 20 As it is , there are many parts , but one body . I have really been struggling to come to terms with being an introvert . In our culture , if you are not an extrovert , you are considered weird and awkward , and in my case , mistaken for being a snob . My true personality has always leaned toward that of an introvert . When I was younger , I was always drawn to extroverts . I love how they can liven up any room they are in , everyone walks away smiling , and everyone wants to be their friend . Being the true introvert I am , I studied extroverts . I would take notes on what they would talk about , studied their body language , mannerisms , and even inflections in their voice . I wanted to be an extrovert so badly . I would even try to mimick the extrovert ways . But being an introvert with a mask on always seemed awkward to mPosted by " Perhaps she had not succeeded in ' inspiring ' any wonderful ambitions in her pupils , but she had taught them , more by her own sweet personality than by all her careful precepts , that it was good and necessary in the years that were before them to live their lives finely and graciously , holding fast to truth and courtesy and kindness , keeping aloof from all that savoured of falsehood and meanness and vulgarity . They were , perhaps , all unconscious of having learned such lessons ; but they would remember and practice them long after they had forgotten the capital of Afghanistan and the dates of the Wars of the Roses . " I have been reading my childhood favorite , the " Anne of Green Gables " series . This specific quote comes from " Anne of Avonlea , " the second book . And this quote captures my heart , exactly . So many lofty goals comes with teaching - reading level goes up three grades , all the students are engaged all the time , everyone has a passion for learning and becomes doctors . When you get there , you have one kid who everyday tells you he is bored and would rather just play video games , thank you very much . One student hasn 't forgiven you for getting on to her back in September . Another student doesn 't speak English and you are rusty on your pantomiming . The group of students I tearfully said goodbye to at the end of May will always be special to me because they were my first set of students . I fondly look back on each of them , despite frustrations we have had wiith each other . Let 's be honest . The students knew how to try my patience . I have learned so much my first year . No matter how good your college education program is , and mine was great , nothing prepares you for your first year . I have made so many mistakes but as I told my students , as long as you learn from them you have not failed . ( Thomas Edison is such a good example of that , no ? ) " Isn 't it nice to know that tomorrow is a day with no mistakes in it yet ? " L . M . MontgomorryI am ready for my next batch of kids I will adopt for the year . Ready for the sweet momeChelsea Hill I 'm working on getting the blog back ! Until then , I will be posting a couple of vlogs . Here is one to explain what 's going on : While Chelsea is still sick , I 've decided to diversify the type of topics covered in her blog . Since the latest selections of Maddux , Glavine , Larussa , and Cox , the baseball Hall of Fame is a topic that has been on my mind a few times recently . As you may notice , I 've chosen to exclude any names associated with steroids or HGH . 5 . Craig Biggio - I 'm no Astros fan , but Biggio was a great , throwback baseball player . He would 've been one of the best in any era . We 're talking about a guy that had over 3 , 000 career hits and 291 home runs while playing catcher , second base , and center field at a high quality level . This last year was only his second on the ballot , and he only missed induction by 2 votes , so it 's likely that Biggio will be elected next year . Otherwise , he would 've been much higher on the list . 4 . Tim Raines - Raines was a fantastic lead - off hitter that just happened to play in the same era as the greatest lead - off hitter in baseball history : Rickey Henderson . Tim Raines had an on - base percentage of . 385 for his career and ranks 5th all - time in stolen bases . Just because he was overshadowed by Henderson during his playing career doesn 't mean that it should hurt his chances for Cooperstown . 3 . Mike Piazza - Admittedly , Mike Piazza 's defensive skills were far from elite , but his offensive weapons were historically potent . He is possibly hurt by playing in the steroid era , but no real accusations have ever been made . In reality , it 's criminal that arguably the best - hitting catcher in baseball history would be left of the ballot . His 427 home runs and lifetime . 308 batting average , as a catcher , should easily be reason enough . 2 . Jack Morris - If Morris ever gets into Cooperstown , and he likely will , it won 't be through the Baseball Writers of America ballot . After 14 years , 2014 was his last year to be eligible . Jack deserves to be in the hall for two reasons : his consistency and World Series performances . He tied the record for 14 consecutive opening day starts . That means , for 14 years straight , Morris was considered the " ace " on his staff and healthy enough to make his first start . He also made 5 all - star appearances , 4 World Series titles , and one World Series MVP . That 's quite a bit of hardware . 1 . Pete Rose - In case you didn 't already know , Pete Rose is kind of a sketchy individual . He has been accused of , and admitted to , illegally betting on baseball , tax evasion , and forcefully shoving an MLB umpire during an argument . However , he also might be the greatest player , outside of Babe Ruth , to ever touch a baseball . He is the all - time Major League leader in hits and won 3 World Series titles , 1 MVP award , 2 Golden Gloves , and made 17 ( ! ) All - Star appearances . He did all of this without the aid of performance - enhancing drugs . So , Major League baseball is in a bit of a conundrum . One of the very best players in the history of the game can never be enshrined in its Hall of Fame because he 's currently serving a lifetime ban for illegal gambling . My case for his pardon is based on the history of two other great players : Ty Cobb and " Shoeless " Joe Jackson . Ty Cobb was actually quite similar to the player in question . Like Rose , he was known for his tenacity , hitting ability , and hustle . Off the field , Cobb had his own issues . He infamously climbed into the stands one day to physically attack a heckler who happened to only have one hand . " Shoeless " Joe , on the other hand , was known to be a good guy , both on the field and off . However , he was caught up in a gambling scandal with several players on his team , resulting in a thrown World Series . Like Rose , Jackson was given a " lifetime " ban , but it was eventually lifted . In fact , both Cobb and Jackson can be found enshrined at Cooperstown . In short , I think it 's time for " Charlie Hustle " to join them . P . S . Just in case this post wasn 't the manliest thing ever written on Chelsea 's blog , here 's a little something to push it over the top . Well , the deadly combination of flu season and the notoriously poor sanitation habits of children has finally caught up with Chelsea . In case the title didn 't give it away , this is Chelsea 's husband . Because she is in the middle of this month - long challenge , my talents as second - string blogger have been requested . I 've never felt more like Rudy . Or Ollie in Hoosiers . Or Howie in The Benchwarmers . I think you get the idea . Anyway , expect a few blogs from the B - team over the next couple of days ! Yep , that gross , swollen , raw finger is mine . I think the dry weather irritated my finger and when I tried to take my ring off , it made it even worse . Basically I didn 't really have a choice but to get my ring cut off . I was talking about it at church when one of our church members , who happens to be a paramedic , overheard and informed us he has a ring saw . It looks like this : Basically , he saved me hours of trying to talk to someone at Samuels who knew what to do or pay so much money to have a doctor tell me I need to get it sawed off . The moral of the story : complain loud enough and someone will help you . Posted by This morning , I was awoken by my husband getting out of the shower . And by this morning , I mean at 2am . He got up in the middle of the night to use the restroom and I guess figured it was time to get ready for work . He realized half way through that a ) I was still sleeping and b ) it was really dark outside . I used to do this all the time in high school . I would wake up in the middle of the night and get all the way through my morning routine - makeup and all only to realize that I have several hours before I should be awake . Historically , people slept differently than we do today . It 's called sleep segment . They would go to sleep when the sun went down ( around 8pm ) and sleep until midnight . They would be awake for a couple of hours and then go back to sleep until around 6am ) . Apparently , this was very common up until the 1800s when electricity came about . Here are some bible verses that people used in their articles : Today we had our pictures made for the church directory . I think the last time I had a church directory picture taken was around ten years ago . One year , my family posed with a yellow color scheme . I was playing with pencil shavings and got them all over my shirt right as we were supposed to be heading out the door . Another year , my mom decided we all needed to wear hats . This year , being the first time I was in charge of what we were wearing , was a lot more pressure than I would like to admit . I clearly over - think things . Yesterday , I spent way too long trying to find a shirt that was semi - flattering . After thinking I found it , Aaron decided to let me know he was wearing a suit . Ugh , I got something too casual . After all that work , we just decided to wear clothes we already had . Today I spent a stinking long time on my hair and makeup . Than I spent too long deciding whether or not I should wear a scarf . The answer ended up being ' no . ' I tried to convince Aaron to make our pictures awkward , but he wouldn 't let us . So , here is a few from awkwardfamilyphotos . com to make up for it . The caption on this said " she got the benefit of having both a little brother and a big brother . " Because today is MLK day , the students had the day off and the teachers went to a Schlechty training . The Schlechty center helps schools become more focused on student engagement . Today we really focused on how model mindsets gets in our way . For example , we read a story about how a flock of sheep had always had wolves attack them . Their ancestors told them that this is how it had always been and this is how it would always be . Eventually , the sheep got together and realized that maybe there was a solution to their problem . So they reflected on when the wolves attacked ( when there is a drought ) and eventually discovered that the wolves were going under the fence that went through the river . The sheep built a dam and solved that problem . The point is , we can 't let preconceived notions get in the way . Whatever the problem is , we need to examine it and look at what we can control . We also did other activities where some of the teachers taught others what they do in their classroom . We then made posters reflecting the sheep story . Then , we did a team building exercise where we wrote one truth and one lie and everyone had to guess who the statements belonged to and which ones were lies . It was a fun way to learn interesting things about other teachers . Some of our teachers didn 't return after lunch , so we just kept saying they were at the dentist . Posted by Because I don 't have students to teach tomorrow , you will be my students . 1 . Spell " socks " out loud . You just said " It is what it is " in Spanish . ( Eso sí que es ) . 2 . Say " Rise up lights " out loud . You just said " razor - blades " with an Australian accent . 3 . Now say " boots and cats " over and over . You are now beat boxing . 4 . Say " beer can " with a British accent . You really just said " bacon " in a Jamaican accent . 5 . And just because I need a fifth one , say " Emma Chizit , " and you just said " how much is it " with an Australian accent . Here is a website to help you learn to do a variety of accents . Posted by The Beast that Stole my Soul Day 12 This shoe was found outside with the sole missing . My dog likes to take things outside . I don 't really understand this . Is it normal ? How does one stop this behavior ? I have seen her try to take her bed outside but a wicker basket doesn 't exactly fit through a doggy door . My parents dog , Keeper , likes to take dirty socks and cuddle with them . She did this to Aaron the first time I brought him home . I guess that means she approves ? Lucy doesn 't have a specific thing she likes to take outside , basically anything she can get her mouth around . Maybe she is saying something about my housekeeping . . . . Here is a forum about people with dogs that have the same quirky behavior . click me ! Here is an article with a list of advice from a dog trainer I might try . . . no , click me ! Posted by On Friday , Aaron and I were planning on visiting one of our church members who was put into the nursing home not too long ago ; however , I was up at the school pretty late trying to get grades finished , so we ran out of time and decided to go the next day . We decided since we were planning on traveling to Brownfield , we might as well go to Lubbock and make it a date night . Obviously this picture was not taken by me on my camera phone . My poor husband is the one who gets to edit all of these blogs ( which have been several a day ) so I decided he deserves a break . No pictures were taken . We went to Cheddars , had amazing timing and beat the crowd , and had very delicious food off the lighter side of the menu . Afterwards , we went to the mall to see a movie . We were so busy trying to sneak food in , we forgot to get our tickets checked . One of the guys working there stopped us and I thought we were busted . Nope ! We just forgot to show him our tickets . My heart came back into my chest . As you can tell , we don 't break the rules very often . Posted by I was commissioned to go to outer space because I was a scientist and they needed my expertise ( thanks Gravity and Big Bang Theory ) . A group of lady scientists were in the rocket and it went off , but it didn 't make it all the way . Instead , it landed in the ocean . I was in the bathroom of my parents house playing with a nail in the wall , being a little depressed that I didn 't make it to outer space . I managed to keep moving the nail until there was a giant hole . I look through the hole and there is this room . The hole turns into a door so I went into the room . It had a fireplace , a couch , a refrigerator , a pool table and a ping - pong table . My dad acted like he didn 't know this room existed but in my mind , I knew he did . When I looked out the window , the house was in a neighborhood ( my parents house is in the country ) and we were right next to the Pflugerville park where a lot of people were riding their bikes . Dreams have always fascinated me . They are your body 's way of working things out . I looked up my dream and both the improvement of the house and gazing out the window signify me wanting to improve as a person . I hope that is always true . I do know that when I was a kid , I always thought it would be cool to find secret passages in my house . Posted by If you were at my place of employment around 6 : 30 tonight , you would have heard two women yelling , " NOOOOOOOOO ! " That 's right , folks . It is the quarterly " teacher vs . computer " face off . Our students had a half day so the teachers could get the second nine weeks report cards out . Because we do standard based checklists instead of grades , it takes us longer than average to input all of the information . In our case , around seven hours . I finished my roster 's grades around six and I went to help my co - teacher finish her 's . She was in the final stage of the battle , the last of the subjects , reading . That is not a small feat , my friends . We just finished inputting all of the ( I am going to say this because I can 't think of a different word ) grades in the biggest section . She clicked " save " but it was not fast enough . The slow computer timed out and all of our work was in vain . Technology won . We went home . Defeated . I lied . On Monday and Tuesday , I started going to a Zumba class that was held at my school for teachers , staff , and family . I thought I was doing pretty good because I was keeping up alright . I wasn 't perfect but I wasn 't dying . Thursday , I thought I would go to a different class . The Zumba instructors on Monday and Tuesday class also help with it . Come to find out , Monday and Tuesday has been modified because all of us are new at this . Thursday kicked my tail . I still had fun and I am still going to go back , but I didn 't keep up with it as much as I did on Monday and Tuesday . Instructors kept coming over to my section because we needed extra help in keeping up . I am glad there is a mirror in there because I have never been known for my graceful body movements . Also , I am going to need a bigger water bottle . After Zumba we went to small group where I ate a lot of fried foods and ice cream cake . I am going to lose soooo much weight ! Posted by Did you know the word lunatic comes from luna , the Latin word for moon ? All around the world , people believe that the moon has a connection to people 's physiology : a high rise of emergency room visits , birth rates , crazy students , and turning into wolves . Some think it has to do with the gravitational pull the moon has on our body . One article even suggests different things to do for each phase of the moon . Of course , that is only if you are into that " holistic " stuff . Basically , a bunch of studies on all of these believes came up short , except for werewolves . You will never disprove werewolves . I don 't think these researchers stepped foot in a classroom during a full moon . I didn 't discover the effects of one until I became a teacher assistant and eventually a teacher . I had my appraisal for school on Wednesday , and my students were bonkers . I am glad it is Friday . Don 't worry Jacob Black , I won 't plagiarize : I 'm taking on this challenge of blogging every day for a whole month , or in my case , a couple of times a day for the next week to catch up . The website I signed up with suggests what to write . Today , I will talk about how I relax . These are the usual 's : taking a bath while watching TV and giving my feet a bath while watching TV . There is a theme here . . . Lately , I found a new way to relax . Online shopping ! Luvocracy has a lot of unique items . The more things you ' love , - + + ' the more suggestions they give you . It is like a combination of Etsy and Pinterest . You can also ' trust ' other people 's interests . This is also a fun place to shop . The items are even more unique . If you like whimsical items , this is the place to go . Posted by Our class went to see the Lubbock Symphony Orchestra . They put on a show specifically to introduce classical music to students . My kids were the best behaved group ! I was so proud of them . They were very quiet and only looked around when other groups were talking . Most importantly , they were very proud of themselves . They were in awe of the whole experience . Some of them even asked if the railings were made of gold . It reminds me of when I was about their age , our music teacher would take us to " The Nutcracker . " That was also kid friendly - teaching us when to clap and all the orchestral instruments . I loved dressing up and watching the beautiful ballerinas dance . To me , that was magic . Posted by Zumba is offered at our school a couple of days a week , and I decided to go . I had a great time , only needing to stop a couple of times . There wasn 't a lot of us , so my plans on hiding in the back were foiled . That 's alright . I never claimed to be coordinated . I am hoping I won 't be feeling it too much in the morning . Posted by I 'm starting the second year off strong with a " nothing happened today so here is Lucy doing something " token picture . In this picture she is contemplating how to get a toy that was carelessly thrown onto an unreachable shelf . Day 2 I am not much of a shopper for myself , but I could spend hours shopping for the house . I was way too excited about this rug for our kitchen sink and Lucy welcomed it to the family by playing with it outside . Day 5 I am so thankful that we decided to have cheat days for our diet . Today we really cheated with chicken - fried steak , and I loved every bite . Posted by A fate not wished on one 's enemy , you were torn to pieces . Let this be a warning : those who belong to the creatures with two legs . The beast will attack if you are within her reach . She will show you no mercy . Posted by Last Tuesday , we finally took down Christmas . I always have a hard time putting it away , and this year seemed extra hard . I don 't know if it was because I was admitting winter break is over , or if it was because Christmas was a little hard for my family . I have had five family members in the hospital all within a week . I live eight hours away from everybody , so I wasn 't able to see any of them . Although it was an emotional roller coaster this holiday , I am thankful for all the support and prayers from my friends and church family . We have started a tradition of sawing off the bottom of our Christmas tree to keep as a memory token . It has been a tradition of my family to go to a Christmas tree farm to cut down a tree . I was so excited that not only was my husband not allergic to Christmas trees , but he also was really into it . So now , I get to carry the tradition on to my new little family . We didn 't get to go to a farm this year because it was too cold every time we had time , so we got one from our local grocery store . I want to write a Christmas memory on the back of the stump , but I haven 't decided . Maybe it will be about how Aaron and I stuffed our tree in the front seat of our car , or maybe we will mention all of the family members in the hospital . I think it is important to remember the difficult times in our lives , as well as the good . Can anyone answer how long you can keep Christmas decorations up without being considered trashy ? I have decided to participate in the Ultimate Blog Challenge . You are supposed to have 31 blog posts at the end of the month , and because it is already the 12th , I will be posting a couple of times a day . This also means that I will continue doing the 365 days of blogging but now I will do one picture every day - starting tomorrow . I am one of those weirdos who likes change , so I am hoping this challenge will be good for me . By the end of this month I would like to have written 31 more posts ( including this one ) , explore my creative side , be a better blogger , and get more readers / followers . So far , I have three followers and I know that is mainly because everyone who reads it checks on Facebook , but it would be nice to spread my readers to those who I am not friends with . Most importantly Happy New Year ! Aaron and I celebrated by drinking sparkling white grape juice , eating chex - mix and not watching the ball drop . We tried to watch a New Years celebration on the one channel our antennae picks up , but the music annoyed us , so we switched to a movie . May our year be as exciting as how we reigned it in . Day 359 We did the obligatory black - eyed - peas on the first day of the year . I have to admit , I can 't make them like my aunt . My cousin 's birthday is January 1st so we always had the tradition of going to my aunts to have a New Years day / birthday party . Happy birthday Casi and the world ! Day 360 I have tried green tea before and didn 't like it . In attempt to be healthier , I thought I would give it the good college try again , and I really like it ! One girl on Youtube said to drink it three times a day but that is a lot of green tea . Any advice for this noob who is a new to eating healthy ? Aaron and I had a date day where we went shopping in Brownfield , ate at Subway , and watched movies at home . As Aaron predicted , Subway was super busy . Day 362 I honestly should post this picture every day because all I did this week was watch Youtube and it was wonderful ! I have been following a family who has been doing a daily vlog for five years and this is their final year . I watched his videos a couple of years ago but decided to start over . Day 363 " Hey , honey , could you take a shovel and throw out the giant dead bird Lucy was playing with ? But first , can you take a picture of it because I forgot to take a picture for my blog , " is the greeting my husband got when he came home today . Posted by As promised a couple of weeks ago , I have a big announcement . No , I am not pregnant . And no , we have not found a church that will hire Aaron . . . Aaron pointed out that it has been six months since the church voted us in as music minister . Time sure has flown by . Day 288 I just wa . . . Tacky Lights I have been thinking that I have been getting a little too sweet on this blog . It 's time for me to make fun of a bunch of people . And since . . . This way - cooler than me lady is my birth - mother around my age . I think . . . So I am dedicating today 's Pinterest testing blog to her . He . . . |
I 've finished up my neck warmer and taken it for a test drive . Pattern : Flared Lace Smoke Ring - modified for a heavier yarn . I used seven repeats instead of twelve and I knit it much shorter . Needles : 6 mmYarn : Alpaca Cashmere TweedIt works as expected and was ready quickly . I think I 'd like one in laceweight one day . I wore it this morning during Dexter 's daily walk at our local dog park . Trying to walk at the dog park today was futile due to the ice that coated all the paths . We would have been better off with skates on our feet . It 's funny to watch the dogs skid out though . I 've finished one Chalet sock and I 'm turning the heel on the second one , so my thoughts are turning towards my next project . I 'm waffling between a really large project , or another something small , but for me . During the Christmas knitting I kept thinking how I 'd like a warmer hat , or a new pair of mittens or a pair of boot socks . But I 've been sorting through my magazines , including the ones I got from Ted at FibreFest North and I 've made some discoveries . For example in a 1986 issue of Interweave Knits , I found the Rib Warmer pattern , including a variation with sleeves . Also , an afghan by Nicky Epstein that has a different square for each season , all done in intarsia ! I should take my time , and perhaps finish up some other things on the needles , such as Lizard Ridge or perhaps that long neglected Lopi Sweater . I don 't relish doing fair isle sleeves though . Well , I 'm sure I will sort myself out in time . . . . In the meantime , I 'm having fun trolling through Ravelry and my magazines . Hey , if you like to read about sheep and sheep - herding , then you might like to check out Shepard Chik 's Musings . I particularly enjoyed the pictures of the fleeces . They looked good to my ignorant eye . It was a good year for me . The Fiber Fish Mitten pattern sold very well at the start of 2007 which gave me some disposable income to spend on yarn . I feel very fortunate that so many people appreciated and purchased the pattern . With the proceeds , I purchased the Oregon Vest kit from Alice Starmore . This piece was a pleasure to knit and I 'm proud to wear it any where . This was the year of Ravelry . It is amazing what a powerful resource it has become . I find myself going to it to look for patterns , to make decisions about yarn substitutions and to keep track of my own modifications and variations . I look forward to the day that they open it up to the public for viewing . Long live Ravelry ! 2007 was the first year for FibreFest North ; a high point in my year . I went to the Needle Emporium 's Tent sale for the first time , and we welcomed Dexter to our home . My project tally for 2007 is : 9 sweaters8 hats3 . 5 pairs mittens2 pairs felted clogs2 scarves2 dish rags2 small bags2 shawls18 pairs of socksYou can see the whole set on Fickr . Out of that list , I gave away 16 items as Christmas presents . I didn 't get any knitterly presents for Christmas , but I did get the speakers I was asking for . We haven 't had a good sound system in the house for a little while , so this is a present the whole family can enjoy . I really missed being able to dance with my husband and kids . The sound is very clear , with no distortion at loud volumes , and it 's got a handy dandy little remote too . I worked very hard at doing nothing much yesterday . This involved a long bath , and a serious game of Life Twists and Turns with my Alex and his friend . Life T & T was high on Alex 's wish list and I was reluctant to buy it because we already had SpongeBob Life , but I 'm really glad we did . Life T & T offers more choices , more opportunity for strategy and is very family oriented . While earning a good wage is an important part of the game , you won 't win unless you also put adventure and family into your game . The Life Pod takes away the learning experience of managing your cash and adding things up , but it makes up for it by doing away with clutter and sheer convenience . Go checkout the online version of this game ! Now for some knitting . I gave each of my parents a pair of socks for Christmas , but my Dad 's pair were too small . No worries though , Mom snagged them . So I let Dad go stash diving for yarn for a new pair and he picked this : It took me four tries to discover how this yarn wanted to be knit ! It 's Schaefer Anne and the mohair means that textured stitches look yucky . Also , it wants to be knit tightly , which means I had to add a few extra stitches . I 'm doing 76 stitches for the leg and I 'll do 80 for the foot since my Dad 's foot is a triple - E . I find it amazing how different the color way looks in the skien compared to knitted up . I want a neck warmer for myself . I 've discovered that scarves are no good at the dog park because the doggies want to bite them ! I wanted to make the Flared Lace Smoke Ring , but I need the warmer quick , so I decided to do it in a heavier yarn : This is Alpaca Cashmere Tweed . I took out 5 repeats of the pattern and it loPosted by Christmas well and truly did me in . Yesterday I had two naps . Two ! But I 'm beginning to feel like myself again . I think everyone enjoyed their presents . Including my Mom : I knit her the Foliage hat from Knitty , using Doug 's yarn . It was exactly the right color and nice and soft . My Mom kept petting it and commenting on how soft it was . Here 's a better shot of the hat . I also got plenty of knitting done on Doug 's socks . I wanted to knit him something with a lot of detail in it . So I chose Nancy Bush 's Chalet socks : I 'm using Regia Silk which shows of the twisted stitches beautifully and the material itself is lovely and soft . I also know from experience that it wears really well , making durable , long lasting socks . This pattern is sized for a woman , and I personally find Nancy 's socks fit a bit small . So I went up a needle size ( and then down two needle sizes for the heel flap ) and I also added 8 stitches to the whole thing . But I lost your size measurements Doug . What size shoe do you wear ? We 're having some more lovely winter weather today : I 'd love to send this stuff your way Jo , but I 'm afraid we 're keeping it for ourselves . It was lovely walking Dexter at the dog park in this light fluffy snow fall . So peaceful , and so nice to know that I still have time off work to enjoy my family and friends . I 've finished another gift ! I 'm afraid that this one is not very photogenic . It is however a perfectly lovely hat and I 'm very pleased with it . Pattern : Harald Watch Cap by Elsebeth Lavold Yarn : Naturally Yarns Merino & FurNeedles : 4 . 5mmLuke volunteered his head so you all could have a better look . The yarn was lovely and soft to work with . It looks like it 's a single ply , but instead it 's 10 - ply . I do notice that it doesn 't have the same boing factor of regular merino . It doesn 't pull in so tight . But there 's still plenty of give in the hat . The pattern was great too . The cables gave me something interesting to look forward to after knitting over 6 inches of k2 p2 rib . The hat is for my Dad , to go along with his Christmas gloves . I 'd been debating with myself for a while about knitting my parents hats too . But now with a knit war on . . . . It seems my mind was made up with me . Next up , a hat for Mom . This blog post brought back memories . I remember Luke 's grade one concert very vividly . I suspect the teachers knew what was going to happen , but as Luke 's parents , we hadn 't a clue . They had tried to hide him by placing him in the back row , but it was still very noticeable that one boy was going along to his own beat . At first , everything went as expected . A line of adorable children snaked behind the teacher as she marched up to the podium . They all took their places on the choir risers and the concert began . As the music began to play , Luke began to look around him . Then he looked behind him . Then he started to roll his head around and around . Soon he was rising up and down in time to the music . After a while , he didn 't bother with the music . He 'd slowly drop down , and then pop ! back up again . Jim and I watched helplessly from the audience . Jim whispered to me , " Maybe nobody will notice . " I whispered back " Are you kidding me ? That 's all anybody has noticed . " That was a good seven years ago now and I don 't believe I was right . Oh , I 'm sure everyone noticed , but I 'm also sure that they were very busy watching their own children . It 's funny how things like that seem so much worse at the time . Well , I 'm not off to a very good start . I 've finished up the mystery knit and I 'm afraid it just won 't do . Oh it 's a very nice thing of it 's kind . Whatever kind of thing it is . But it 's not the kind of thing I want it to be . Confused ? I don 't blame you . So is this knit . It 's a felted bag , and I intended it for Jim to use to store his D & D dice . But it 's much too big . And I over felted it so you can 't really see the texture of the cables . It 's a good thing I used outline stitch on the sigils , or you wouldn 't even be able to see them . On the other hand , this bag is just about the right size to carry around a sock project . And the heavy felting would mean that your needles would stay in . Perhaps I can use it as a Christmas present anyway . . . Because I need all the ammo I can get . Anne Hanson has signed up for the Knitting war , and she truly is a famous blogger . Plus she 's getting other knitters in on the act . Here 's a quote from her blog : anyone who wants to join the benefactors to add $ 5 for every gift i finish can do so by going to the war blog and leaving a comment that says : I ' M IN for knitspot . my blog / email address is [ your address ] . please ( and respectfully ) don 't leave the comment here - they will not see it . But if you feel you 'd rather root for an underdog . A scrappy fighter who 's determined to give it a go , even with the odds stacked against her , well then , you may just want to head on over to the war blog and leave a comment saying I 'm in for Issues with Knitting ! ( don 't forget to add your blog and e - mail ) . As for my choice of charity , it 's the United Way . I don 't talk much about my charitable giving , because it 's just the way I was raised , but I believe that charity begins at home . My donation comes off every paycheck I get from work . Jim and I lived as the working poor for five years . We made do on one income during the time I was a stay at home mom . We did without and it was worth it for me to be home with my kids . But I know what it 's like to live in a country of wealth and to have very little . I would trPosted by At Christmas we all wish for Peace on Earth . But today in my in - box I found this : 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 I declare a KNITTING WAR ………………………… . . YOU have been chosen … should you choose to accept this mission , you will receive your orders soon … . via your blog … . your war will be against another yet fun and famous knitter . What are the details you say … . . to see who can finish ALL Christmas knitting before Christmas …… the reward for winning this war you ask …… a donation of $ 5 per winners project to afore mentioned charity of their choice …… . anyone wishing to join in must sign in to whomever 's blog they represent by stating " I ' M IN " this means they too will meet with every finished project $ 5 to the charity of winners choice . The secret agents at hand will be keeping track of whose who . I cannot tell you who these 3 people are … . well , I could , but then I would have to take all your stash so mumms the word ' eh . So strong warrior …………… . . do you choose or not ! ! ! ! P . S . If you accept you must post this exact email on your blog with my name blurred out please : ) Your instructions will follow with your answer … . . we 're waiting …………… . Well ! At first I didn 't know what to make of this . And then I thought , " Famous ? Who me ? " But you know , there are times when we must fight . Against disease , poverty , prejudice , and unhappiness . This is a war I 'm willing to take on . I 'm girding my needles and preparing for battle . Bring it on ! Are you with me ? This emblem is the sigil of happiness . Taken from Viking Patterns for Knitting by Elsebeth Lavold . I had a great deal of happiness yesterday with my peeps . Knitters are such fun ! It was one of the best parts of the holidays . This weekend I turned 3 heels , so now I 'm on the final legs of my Christmas knitting ( mischievous twinkle for bad pun ) . But last night while walking the dog , inspiration hit so now I 'm working on this : But I can 't tell you any more about it because of this : Knitterly presents ! I 'm a party girl today because I 'm meeting my knit - buddy Mary Jane for lunch and then it 's the knit club 's pot luck tonight . Have to share this : Dexter has decided my feet make a good pillow . I 'm sure the hand knit socks help . Hmm . . I 'm having a great Saturday too . First , Dexter and I were off to the dog park . We stayed for an hour because we were having such a good time . After breakfast , I 've made a pot of rice and beans for tonight 's supper . Jim 's gone all afternoon to play games at a friend 's house , so I 'm going to bake . But before all that , I finished a pair of mittens this morning . Helgi 's Mittens by Nancy Bush from Knitting in EastoniaShelridge Farms Soft Touch2 . 75 mm bambooI wanted to use the last of the yarn from my mom and dad 's mittens and I was hoping to get one more pair . But these call for more stitches at a tighter gauge so I left the thumbs for last . As it was , I had to sub in some sock yarn for the last 8 rows on one mitt . You can 't see it at all . Anyway , I was not at all confident I would have enough yarn , so I decided to leave the thumbs for last . And then , inspiration hit ! Sore thumb mittens ! Tee hee ! These crack me up ! I used some alpaca left over from Alex 's socks so the thumbs are very soft and should be very warm . I can 't do stranded work with a cut thumb , so I needed a yarn that could stand on its own . Jim wasn 't too sure about the whole idea , but I 'm really glad I went for it . Now , off to bake . I hope your Saturday is fun too . I 'm having a delightful Friday evening . I just finished up a quick little knit while watching my favourite Christmas special ever : Frosty the Snowman ! This show is as old as I am . I have fond memories watching it as a child , and it still makes me giggle and smile to watch it now . Here 's the little hat I finished : Pattern : Beaufort HatYarn : Cascade 220Needles : 4mm Addi TurbosOn Wednesday night I cut my finger pretty deep . Bad enough that I thought I was going to need stitches . I cut the index finger of my left hand with a knife slash when chopping some lettuce for Dexter 's dinner . I 'd just come back from walking him and I was in a hurry to sit down and knit . Haste makes waste , as the saying goes . Needless to say , there was no knitting on Wednesday night . Thursday I went to work and found I could type and use my finger just fine . So I figured , if I can type , dang it , I can knit ! Last night , I tried picking up my mittens again , but I found the two color needle work to be too hard . I needed a simple quick project that wouldn 't task my finger . So I cast on the Beaufort Hat . There was something about this pattern , that I just wanted to make it from when I first saw it . And it didn 't disappoint . Quick , fun , and really pretty . I knew it would come out small , but there 's a ton of stretch in it . Here it is on my son 's head : I was thinking of giving it to one of the teachers . Do you think it 's too small ? She has straight , black hair and I think it would look really pretty on her . Shouldn 't a lace hat fit tight so that the lace is exposed ? Oh , and my finger is just fine . It feels a bit numb , but it 's not swollen , or gaping and everything looks just as it should . Considering . Please excuse me if that was too much information . I was really worried for a while there , and I 'm delighted that everything is turning out okay . Quite a few people wanted to know about the rug backing that I paint onto the soles of the Felted Clogs . I bought this Rug Backing at Walmart , in their crafts section , about two years ago . Other people in London , Ontario , have told me that they can 't find it there anymore . The name at the top of the canister says M . C . G . Textiles , Rug Backing by Saf - T - Bak and it is available at Amazon . Here 's what the product description says : Saf - T - Bak will make your rugs highly resistant to sliding . Saf - T - Bak will increase the life of your rugs . It stays on after repeated washings : anchors loops and fibers thus preventing unraveling and tuft loss . It helps your rugs retain their shape and protects the base from moth damage . Saf - T - Bak elimintes wrinkles , adding bulk and texture . A small amount of Saf - T - Bak applied to frayed edges prevents further fraying . It 's a " water emulsion of synthetic rubber " . I 've washed my slippers and they came out just fine . They don 't slip when I walk on wet floors . The only problem I can see is that it 's white , which shows the dirt . Other than that , I highly recommend it . My youngest son , Alex , has a brother who demands and requires a lot of attention because of his ADD and Tourette 's . So sometimes , Alex does his own things to demand attention . There was one time when he was six or so , and he wanted me to play a game with him , but I was just finishing up a really absorbing book . Which I don 't do that often . . . Anyway , he was so frustrated with me putting him off that he started to take scissors to the curtains , right where I could see him ! After a little time out , I gave him a book to read beside me . We shared a snack , and when I 'd finished reading the last couple of pages , then we played a game . So the other day , when I finished Luke 's slippers , I could tell Alex was disappointed . I don 't know why I did Luke 's first . If I was thinking of it , I would have done Alex 's first because it really makes no difference to me . But I could tell it made a difference to Alex . So Sunday morning I started , and by Sunday evening at bedtime I had two slippers for my boy . This morning he helped me felt them : The big smiles made it worth it . You guys are awesome , thanks for your support and feedback on my lapghan ( nice word debi ) . I 'm going to carry on . The Noro was bought on sale , so this is a perfect place to experiment . I 'm going to take the risk ! Extreme knitting bay - bee ! I had fun on Friday . At lunch , I thought I 'd go see about a gift for my husband and the necessary store is right next to my local yarn store . Well , the store for my husband had moved , but the yarn store was having a book sale ! YES ! I had so much fun picking through their offerings and I got some great bargains . I went back to work that afternoon with a spring in my step and a smile on my face . I bought Big Girl Knits , which seems like a book I should have on my shelf ( wink ) and Lucy Neatby 's Knitting Essentials 2 . The book I loaned to a co - worker for the weekend , but I sat down to watch the DVD this afternoon . I think Lucy 's done an awesome job of it . The instructions are clear , and you can see everything very easily . I found that most of the techniques I had already taught myself , but Lucy had a few tricks I hadn 't seen before . I also bought three magazine back issues and six pattern leaflets , including Fiber Trends shawl patterns . The whole business was ridiculously cheap , or I wouldn 't have bought so much so close to Christmas . I 've got a ton of knitting on the needles , but here 's something that came off them tonight : The Ubiquitous Fiber Trends Felted ClogsThese are for my eldest son . I ran out of yarn twice . The first was the green , which I just bought in the fall . It 's Lion Brand Felting wool , so I just ran out to Micheal 's to get some more . But the second time I ran out of yarn was on the navy which I picked up on sale at Walmart three years ago . So I improvised : Since I 'll be painting non - skid rug backing onto these , I don 't think anyone will be the wiser . We 'll let this be our little secret , m ' kay ? Well folks , I 've got a big ole flop on my hands here . Take a look at this amazing ugliness : I scooped up 7 balls of Noro at the Needle Emporium 's tent sale this past summer and , inspired by the fun I had with the Silk Garden scarf , I thought I could knit a mini - Lizard Ridge . I hoped to squeeze 9 squares from the 7 balls ; 8 at the least , since I could always cook up some special interest square for the center . I figured it would make a nice little lap blanket . I was entirely unprepared for the horrible ugliness of the squares . Everybody else 's blankets look lovely , I don 't know what I 'm doing wrong . I must confess that I started making squares with the balls of yarn I liked the least . I guess I was saving the best for last . Still , how is it possible to screw up color work with Noro ? Here 's my options : Rip and re - knit . These squares where done using opposite ends of the same ball . Perhaps by mixing balls , I could make something nicer out of it . Cut my loses and quit knitting . Perhaps these squares could be sewn into a scarf and given to charity . There 's no denying it 's warm , if you don 't mind the color . Then I could use the other balls to make mitered mittens , or felted bags . Carry on ! If I knit the other colors , they may counter balance the horribleness of these three . What say you ? I bow before the wisdom of the masses . Hooray ! It lives ! This is why my husband deserves great hand knits . To get my swift back together ( after the dog had chewed on it , and my dad helped create replacement parts ) Jim had to undo a the wire that holds all the pieces together at the bottom and take out a bold that holds the pieces together in the middle . He twisted the wire back up , but there 's no way to replace the bolt , so he just tied it together . I took it for a test drive last night and it did just fine . I know you 'll ask , so the yarn on the swift is Schaefer Anne sock yarn in a red almost too beautiful for socks . I bought it as a birthday present to myself at the beginning of the month using Red Bird Knit 's birthday discount . Also in the above picture we can see the Frost Flowers and Leaves shawl in action as an afghan . It 's warm , and light and big . We cozy up under it often . In other news , Dad 's gloves are done . One more obligatory Christmas gift to go . I have plenty other things on the needles , but I do miss having one big project on the go . Do you realize it 's four weeks to Christmas ? Maybe not the time for me to start the next big thing . Just in time for the cold season , Jim 's sweater is back from the tailor 's . Pattern : Paton 's Urban AranYarn : Rowan Spun ChunkyNeedles : 6mmI 'm thrilled with the results and so is Jim . Other than choosing the yarn or the pattern , he 's been a part of the process the entire way through . He told me how long he wanted the body and sleeves . He specified that he did NOT want a two way zipper . He even looked through Ravelry with me to discuss the different options for the collar . The end result is perfect for him . For my zipper - side edge , I only left one selvedge stitch , which I slipped . I wanted the front to come together quite snuggly at the cables and that 's what I got . I had the zipper installed by a tailor . She 's done other work for me and I 'm always pleased with what she does . Except that she wanted to put a plastic zipper in , but I over ruled her on that . This metal zipper has a fluid drape to it that mirrors the drape of the sweater . It cost me $ 25 for her work , but it was well worth it to me for the peace of mind . Plus , I don 't have a sewing machine . This was a very successful knit . I hope it lasts Jim a good long time . It 's not a Christmas presentbecause I think he just deserves a hand knit for all the wonderful things he does for us . I did not enjoy knitting those stacks of cables at the waist , but once they were over with this was a pleasant enough knit . The Rowan yarn washed up beautifully soft and was very nice to work with . Here 's one last picture . The color ( Cardamom ) is more true in this shot , and I love the brooding winter feel of the image . I did make a repair last night , but not on the sock . It was Jim 's work guernsey that needed a little help . As you can see , he 's worked a considerable hole into it . We guess that he snagged it on something , and we didn 't notice it quick enough because there 's a whole row missing here . Jim was quite anxious for me to fix it since he wears it to work every day as soon as the weather gets cold . He 's had it through two cold seasons and other than being a little flat , it 's holding up really well . The Philosopher 's wool that I used is ideal for this sort of garment . I have plenty of the same yarn left over . Taking a good long piece of wool , I threaded it through on the wrong side , and then performed a quick and dirty graft using those DPNs I stuck through the live stitches . Then I went in on the wrong side again and did a weave from top to bottom and side to side , catching any loose yarn that was left . It 's not pretty , but it 's darned sturdy . I know , some of you are wondering why I 'm not going to repair those socks . Frankly , I don 't like the color . I bought the yarn over the internet and was very disappointed with the colors when I received it . The socks are soft , the pattern was nice , but those colors are monstrous ! I 'm kind of glad to see them go . Oh , I visited the Halcyon Aran today ! The tailor said it will be ready tomorrow so you can expect a photo shoot this weekend . Here 's hoping for some sun . I 'm pretty hard on my socks and I have many ways of wearing them out . I 've walked holes in the heels , holes through the bottom of the foot , and poked holes through the toes . I loved and wore a pair of Regia silk lace ones to the point that the lace was threadbare on the foot . I 've even had socks go missing in the wash . ( Jim does the laundry and it 's worth the loss of a hand knit sock to have a husband who does laundry . Really . ) But today I put on a pair of socks that are wearing out in a whole new way . This is a shot of the heel flap , and you can see that the stitches are laddering up . I 'm gobsmacked . I can only think that the stranding holding the stitches wore through and set them free . One day , the whole family went out . " Shall we put Dexter in his kennel ? " I asked Jim . " Naw . He 'll be fine . " And so he was , but while we were gone , he found it necessary to eviscerate a box of tissues and chew on my swift . I 'm sure he thought it was quite a lovely stick . Since then , I 've been a little lost . In thinking of what I 'd like to knit next , I 'd contemplate whether the yarn came in hanks or balls . It 's not much fun to be constrained in your projects like that . But today , my Daddy delivered replacement parts . He and his neighbour got together and made these peices for me using one of the chewed pieces as a template . Yippee ! The wood has to be varnished first , and I still have to figure how to work around the join bit , but at least now I have parts to work with . I hope to have the swift repaired soon and do I solemnly promise to store it some where dog - proof from now on . Also , I sent Dad home with a pair of socks and a hat so the neighbour could choose one as a thank you present . I 've been finishing things around here . The Paton 's vintage socks are done and I 've finally taken I nice picture of them . That 's one more pair for the Christmas gift pile and I 'm quite happy with them . I like the way the diamond finishes on the arch of the foot and I 'd like to try using that same idea on another pair some time . This weekend I decided I deserved a break from the Christmas knitting . What I really needed was a hat to keep the November wind from my ears . My last hat doesn 't quite cut it . So I cobbled something together using a design from Charlene Schurch 's Hats On , and a chart from Small Sweaters . I love having a hat unlike anyone else 's . It 's a snug fit and two layers of Mission Falls wool should protect my tender ears . They 're particularly susceptible because I 'm coming down with a cold . Yet the dog must still be walked . It wouldn 't do to have him chewing on the furniture . I don 't think Dad and his neighbour could whip up a new chair leg as easily . |
This week has been really slow , actually . We 've been stuck inside because , wonder of wonders , I 'm sick . Again . Seriously . An awesome member ( the wife of the man who plopped the helmet on my head when he saw I was riding home without one ) is a nurse at a clinic here , and she set us up with one of her doctors here . We 're starting to get the hang of the socialist medicine system , and this new doctor has taken a personal interest in the missionaries . He 's the most clinical , stern person I 've ever met , but that 's exactly what we need after other doctors who literally told me , " That 's not my problem . " Sigh . Half the mission is in mourning after BYU 's loss to the U . Elder Sorensen told me all about it at church yesterday , and Mom added a few details in her e - mail . Seriously ? It bounced off the upright ? ! That was so sad . Our bishop is a BYU fan , so he was a bit sad too . Half way around the world , and the BYU / Utah game is still big emotional news . Wow . Mom , Dad , you two are absolutely brilliant . Psychic too . It 's scary . Both of you shared your own spritiual thoughts about pressing forward in faith and turning your life over to the Lord . That 's and that the Lord blesses us for our faith and our efforts , not for what we think we accomplished . He has a plan and it 's His work that we 're all engaged in in some way or another . He only asks for us to I won 't go into detail , but that 's something I 've really been thinking about lately . You two are the answers to prayers , seriously . Thank you for all of the encouragement and uplifting thoughts you send . They really are appreciated . I just have to share the quotes you two sent . They 're wonderful . not simply to face the future ; He expects you to embrace and shape the future - - to love it and rejoice in it and delight in your opportunities . God is anxiously waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams , just as He always has . But He can 't if you don 't pray , and He can 't if you don 't dream . In short , He can 't if you don 't believe . " - - Elder Jeffrey R . Holland " Men and women who turn their lives over to God will find out that he can make a lot more out of their lives than they can . He will deepen their joys , expand their vision , quicken their minds , strengthen their muscles , lift their spirits , multiply their blessings , increase their opportunities , comfort their souls , raise up friends , and - Yes , Denmark does have a seasonal autumn . It 's beautiful ! To get to church we cut behind a cathedral and through a park full of aspens . It 's absolutely breathtaking right now , all the fallen golden leaves . There 's a WWII memorial statue there too , which only adds to it all . Autumn up in the mountains and canyons though is beyond compare . That 's so cool that you got to go up to that conference . That must have almost been like a vacation ! I LOVE the quote you sent me . Thanks . And I loved your math comment too . I totally agree . There 's a reason God only gave us ten fingers and ten toes . That 's all we need . As for the package , you - Thank you . I love you guys too . It 's so true about the Lord being able to make more of our lives than we ever could . I 'm sorry you had to come home to BYU losing , after jetsetting around to the conferences . That 's a great welcome home gift . Supreme Mugwump - That 's so cool about Eliza ! ! ! And that you got to go ! What a miracle . Give Hna Weagle a giant hug for me . She sounds amazing . I love her already for taking such good care of you . And that dog bite is crazy . I 'm just so glad it wasn 't worse . Good luck with the sore and the mystery bottle . Blegh . I 'm sooo glad you got the last piece of the puzzle . Apparently I left one in Frederiksberg when I transfered , but got it again on splits . Thank Søster Guesne for that one . I was seriously worried another one had gotten lost somewhere though . Sorry you 've had a crappy time lately . Wish I were there to give we met with a reporter from TV2 Fyn - the regional tv news station for the entire island of Fyn . She was doing a 10 minute interview with us and following us with her cameraman for the day as we went about our work . That 's a lot of time , tv - wise ! It 's all in connection with the Mitt Romney thing . So on Thursday we met with a representative from the Church 's PR devision here who gave us coaching on the interview process , techniques to respond tactfully , and how to answer her questions while staying in control of the interview and getting the message across . It was aaaaaall in Danish too , so that was just a blast . She was actually really fun , and the cameraman was so sweet . They started by interviewing of questions about homosexuality and divorce ( with my family background ) . She also asked a lot about how the whole Mitt Romney thing is affecting our work , our political views ( which we can 't share ) , and the church 's standpoint on it all . Søster Moore and I actually feel like we did pretty well . Søster Moore had given a talk in church that Sunday , so they filmed her reading a bit of it from the pulpit . They also filmed her playing " I Am A Child of God " on the piano and singing ( she majored in Drama education , and taught at a high school before coming , and has a gorgeous voice ) while I sat and listened . And a bunch of random opening and closing shots she 'll probably voice over where we walk into the church , sit down , and start reading in the Book of Mormon , then a few where we close our books , stand , and walk out . The camera man said he knows what he wants to do with it , so I 'll trust him . Then we showed them around the church , telling about the baptismal font and everything . They also filmed us with photos of our family , telling a bit about everyone . That 's right . You guys will all be on the Danish news . The best was of me walking into a bathroom while Søster Moore waited outside , since that 's the only time we 're only allowed to be apart . Whatever . The weirdest part was when they filmed our faces as we watched It was really cool contacting with them though . Awkward , but cool . Hey , you try explaining the Book of Mormon to someone on the street while you 've got a camera four inches from your face ! It went well though . They also got shots of us knocking , which was hilarious . The reporter went and knocked on a few doors to ask if she could film us knocking at the house . Everyone just shut the door in her face . NOW she knows what it 's like to be a missionary ! In the end she gave up and just filmed us from the street as we knocked . It was weird doing it with microphones on our jackets though ! In the end we visited the bishop 's family . This was something we 'd really been pushing for , since this is the heart of our work . We can knock on doors all day , but the real success comes when we 're in the homes of members , less actives , and investigators . He 's pretty young too . His kids are 11 , 9 , and 4 . We held a Family Home Evening with them where we prayed , shared a scripture and a spiritual thought , and sang a song . That was the best part of the whole interview . It will air some time before Nov 6 with elections , but she 's not sure exactly when . The whole news reel will be in their website . It 'll all be in Danish , but I 'll send you guys the link anyway . - Thank you soooo much for all the photos ! I loved seeing everyone . Seth was adorable ! And the camel is so cute . I 'm looking forward to seeing him . I 've decided to name him Alma . Don 't worry about sending the package off . It will get here when it gets here , and you have a lot on your plate right now with school and helping Greg and jetsetting around the country . I love hearing from you , and every package is a treasure , but it 's not worth stressing over . You 're amazing either way . my Junior year at AFHS so vividly that it 's mind - blowing to think that you 're in the same place now . Wow . By the way , that is such a cute picture of you on the 4 - wheeler ! I absolutely love the picture of you and Camilla laughing though . That 's so cute . Greg - I 'm glad you 're close to being back to full speed again ! I was a bit sick this last week , and spending a few days inside drove me absolutely crazy . I can 't imagine 3 weeks . Ugh . Seems like you 're a trooper though ! Grandpa M . - Thank you for your story . It 's always so good to hear the impact one person can make , especially without knowing it . That 's every missionary 's dream , you know ? I 'm so glad that you are feeling better after the treatments and working back in the temple again . That brings its own sense of peace and strength . I love you ! been getting some notifications that my e - mails weren 't delivered to your address , but you kept responding as normal , so I didn 't think much of it . Sad . Well , just so you know , I also died laughing at the license plate photo you sent . Now that 's clever . That 's so cool about the Dr Who Supreme Mugwump - Thanks for the half - way card and the cd ! I 'm so excited to listen to it ! I just got it in the mail as we left to e - mail , so it was perfectly timed . I have a year mark package all ready for you , but your gift is taking a bit longer to put together than I thought . I got your birthday package in August though , so but that timing , I have until mid December to get it to you . ; ) I 'll try to get it off next P - Day though . Posted by is the graveyard across the street from our apartment . Graveyards in Denmark are nothing like American ones . There are hedges and trees and lights and they 're the most beautiful , well - kept places in the city . We walk through this one all the time . We also have a friend here . Every time I 've been in , a little grey tabby cat follows us around . She recognizes our voices , and comes when we call her . Her name is Hecate , after the Greek goddess of magic and also crossroads . ( Dad , it 's all your fault . ) I wish I had a picture of her to send too . P . S . Here in this wonderful country of Denmark , you can only name your children from a government approved list of names . Here are some of the names that got added to that list this year : Girl names - Aloha , Charme , Cirkel , Dyne , Engle , Europa , Fan , Fe , Fri , Gift , Ninja , Ny , Ok , Panda , and Pop . Boy names - Awesome , Cello , Cobra , Dreng , Faktor , Fru , Jazz , Kamel , Laban , Lurifax , Memo , Offer , Og , Skat , and Sok . And here are the famous people 's names that you can use : Afrodite , Aladdin , Allah , Aristoteles , Bilbo , Buddha , Cirkeline , Cher , Cæsar , Frodo , Gandalf , Hamlet , Jesus , Judas , Kermit , Kleopatra , Lancelot , Lucky Luke , Messi , Obama , Pippi , Ra , Rocky , Saxo , and Snoopy . Ha yeah I just thought you might get a kick out of that . Have a good week ! : ) wish I could 've been there ! The invitation was so cute . I loved the photos . Will you do me a favor and send ( you can just use e - mail ) me photos from the wedding ? The best of luck to you two ! February back in Copenhagen ? She and Kim ( remember me saying she was engaged ? ) prayed and fasted about where to live after the wedding , and both got the clear impression that Odense was the right place for them . I 'm so proud of her . Seven months ago she 'd dropped all contact with the Søster Moore ever taught , and the first ( of many ) she 's taught to be baptized . If you 'd seen Ma before , you wouldn 't even recognize her now . She 's amazing . and she was my coach , giving me pep - talks and mockingly rubbing my shoulders . I pretended to dump a cooler of Gatorade on her after I won . It was a pretty dramatic show - down between Lee ( the awesome assistant ward mission leader - he and his wife are easily my best friends in Odense ) and me . We had another fantastic miracle this week . That feels wrong to say , since I think we have a miracle every day out here , easily , but this was a big one . After our district meeting on Tuesday morning , our whole district got to go out and contact around Odense in different companionship combos so that we could learn from each other ( yay ! Elders splits ! ) So I was contacting with Ældste Sorensen and one of the other Elders , when a young woman and her boyfriend stopped us . She had a lot of questions about what we did as missionaries and especially what we did when we weren 't out missionarying . . . that doesn 't work in English . . . whatever , you get the idea . Anyway , we talked for a bit and invited her to our church 's open house . She wasn 't very interrested , but accepted a card and left . That evening on the way to an eating appointment , Søster Moore and I get a call from the CUV who night . Turns out it was the girl , Ra , and two of her friends , An , and Na ! They 're all from Sweden here studying medicine , and they all got a copy of the Book of Mormon . We showed them around the church and they stayed for dinner and to play crud . They fit right in . Na took the rest of the YSA by storm in crud ! They all plan on coming back next week , and way to ? She lives in a 100 year old house built by her great grandparents that has always been and will always be in the family . That 's easy , since her family is about 1 / 4 of the ward here . Seriously . Everyone in the ward is somehow related to the Karnill , Barkou , or Andersen ( as in our former mission president ) families . The best thing about the house is the basement , which was built along the lines of an old monastery with all the arches and cool niches everywhere . The best thing about the basement the wine cellar , which is can only be accessed through the secret door behind the swinging bookshelf . I 'm not even joking . The best thing about the wine cellar is that back during WWII , Sister Karnill 's great grandfather used it to hide a business friend of his who was a Jew during the Nazi occupation of Denmark . We got to go tour her basement and wander around the little wine cellar . I wasn 't able to get any good pictures , but Lee and Ximena live there with her right now , and they promised to show us some time . We 're over there for dinner with them pretty much weekly , so I promise I 'll send some soon . from you , Dad ) - but this one wasn 't actually my fault and it was all on bikes , so it only took about an hour . We 've started enjoying them , actually , because 1 . we always meet people we wouldn 't have if things had gone according to OUR plans , 2 . we often find great new areas to knock or contact , and 3 . we get to burn off some of the calories from the eating appointments . The members play dirty . When we lean back from the table or even slow down , they look us in the eyes like they 're challenging us and say , " Eat , if you like it . " Our usual response is , " We LOVE it , but we don 't think we can fit any more in ! " Then the member affects a disappointed air and retorts , " I don 't believe you . If you liked it , you 'd eat more . " This is usually done by hilarious old Danish ladies ( 80 year old firecrackers , every one of them ) , and usually after about 4 times what a normal person would eat . I love the members here . The Danish rule of hospitality is that if your guest spends more than 30 seconds in your home without food or drink in their hands , you , as a host , are a waste of a body . I love the Danish culture , and I 'm so excited to introduce you to some of the members when we visit . You 'd love them too . - Thanks for the talk . It 's true . My attitude toward coming to church has totally changed since becoming a missionary and going in with the attitude of looking to serve others . I get so much more out of it . I 'm sure it will help her too . Katie - You little player ! Wow . Crazy high school parties , dating up a storm . Your life is just like a high school tv drama . With AP classes . Yeah , Atwood loves to call on people he thinks know the answer , even ( especially ) if they don 't raise their hand . So you 're turning into a mini - me , huh ? It was scary hearing you on Skype . It was like talking with myself . I 'm super curious for what it will be like when I get home ! P . S . You 'll have to keep up on music for me and show me all of the good stuff when I get home . My music tastes will be so 2011 . Tell Brother Andersen that Hannah Morse and Katie O ' Very say hi . If he doesn 't remember us , then tell him it 's the two girls who always pulled their desks together . It sounds like you 're doing lots and doing it all well . I 'm so impressed and so proud . You 're seriously the best little sister . . . pretty much ever . When 's your European debut ? ( Translation : When are you going to Italy ? ) Dad - Thank you soooo much for the photo you sent . I cracked up . . . when I finally got it . Thanks too for the story you shared about the Sacrament . It 's true . I was doing some church history reading and found out that the Sacrament didn 't used to be given every Sunday , simply because it was so sacred . It 's awe - inspiring too to think that this is one of the most sacred ordinances of the church , and it 's given with very few limitations to almost anyone who wants to renew those covenants . It 's the perfect symbol of the Atonement , and it 's definitely underappreciated sometimes . That young man 's story really puts it all in perspective , doesn 't it ? Andrew - Way to go ! Dad told me that you got up and shared your testimony with everyone all by yourself . A testimony is a very powerful thing to have , and it only gets better when you share it . Do you remember how good you felt when you shared your testimony ? That 's how you get to feel aaaaaall the time as a missionary ! You 'll get to feel like that for two whole years ! And as you 're doing it , you 'll help people find testimonies of their own . That , and you get lots of letters from home , so that 's really fun too . I 'm so proud of you ! Caleb - I got your letter ! And I mailed one back . Are you still living in Provo ? It 's actually addressed to Ryan , since there are a few letters in there for him too . It was great to hear from you ! Supreme Mugwump - Ha ! I wrote . That 's so cool that you were able to see Lulu and Hilda Franco ! They 're actually on the roadtrip list I forgot I made in the back of my journal . We 'll talk names for the roadtrip later . I tossed out a few suggestions in the letter . Thanks for the scriputure reference . I know it 's talking about bulls , but I can 't seem to get " The Last Unicorn " out of my head . Korihor is doing well . He misses you , and says to tell Hna Palacios hi . Posted by with Søster Moore is awesome . Our outlook on life and misisonary work is pretty similar , and we 've had a lot of fun together . We both like cooking , and have even been adventurous enough to try our hand and home made hummus . So far so good ! It feels more like living with a friend than just a companion . She 's super fun and always up for an adventure ( which happens a lot with my sense of direction ) , and it 's hard to believe we haven 't even been companions for one week yet . You know that sense of direction I mentioned ? Yeah . It got us into trouble . We had plans to help a less active woman in the ward who is only less active because she 's pretty old and can 't get out to the church anymore . We were going to mow her grass and clean up her garden , which would ordinarily be no problem . The bus drives right past the end of her street , after all . Or so we thought . It was our first day went well . We were about five stops before the one we were supposed to get off at . Then , all of a sudden , we were about 12 stops AFTER ours . We hopped off the bus and checked the schedule going the other way . We were way out in the country , so the bus only came once an hour . We decided to just walk back . After all , about 3 minutes before we 'd been way before our stop . We 'd find it . Two hours later we were still walking on the shoulder of that country road with nothing but trees and cows . We sang old Girls Camp songs to keep us entertained though , and we were in jeans for the service project , so it wasn 't too bad . After about another hour we came ( with NO sign of the less active 's street ) , we were back at the stops before the one we wanted in the first place . We found a " Pick Your Own Flowers " patch though , so we plucked ourselves a bouquet of gladioli and sun flowers . When we got back to the city we got ourselves some bubble tea ( not real tea ! ) to reward ourselves for not complaining , then went home and died . And that was just the first day ! On Saturday half of Denmark had medieval festivals of varying sizes . The one in Odense was held in a few old , winding , cobblestone streets behind the Catholic church . It was fun to wander through all the stalls and see the reenactors dressed up all Viking . They even had an entire roasted pig , which was disgustingly awesome and sooooo delicious . Søster Moore and I also wove our own baskets . Legitimate baskets . Yes , Dad , I was singing " They 're Coming to Take Me Away " in my head the whole time . on the pipes and counters . Uuuugh . One of the most disgusting things I 've ever done in my life though . But Søster Moore and I still managed to make it fun by doodling in the dust as we mopped the walls and trying and passed the sacrament in about a minute and a half , Søster Moore played the right hand of the first verse of a hymn , and Ældste Olsen shared a spiritual thought from his scripture study in place of a talk . The whole meeting took about 10 minutes , but the Spirit was still strong . It only underscored the real purpose of SACRAMENT meeting . Afterward the 90 year old woman ( who was still as sharp as every ) invited us over to have cake at her house . Two of her good friends had passed away that week , so she just needed the company . We 're teachers and representatives of the Church , but a good part of what we do is just but you know what ? I can 't think of any better way to represent the Savior or fulfill my call to serve . Those have been some of my favorite times on my mission and when I 've felt the Spirit strogest . This woman was so fun too . Ældste Olsen said we weren 't that hungry , and she didn 't need to make a fuss about getting food ready . She just started going faster on her walker and called out behind her , " Well , that 's not up to you to decide , young man . " She also ordered us not to help with the dishes , but I grabbed a stack of plates and said , " Sure , but if I run with them I don 't think you could catch me ! " She just reached out and spanked me as I dashed past . She gave us the biggest hugs as we left , and told us to drop in again any time we were in the area . She had the coolest life story too . She married a German who 'd spent most of his life in Denmark , but after World War II none of the universities would let him study here , since he was technically German . So they used her half Swedish citizenship from her mother 's side to escape a lot of the anti - German persecution post - war and just lived in Sweden for a while . She 's still fluent in German and Sweden , and travels all over . I 'll be satisfied if I 'm half that cool when I 'm 90 . All of the time driving and The Olsens told us a cool story from another sacrament meeting down there too . They were just about to begin when a van pulled up to drop off an old sailor crippled by arthritis and strokes . They couldn 't get his wheel chair up into the church building , and the van couldn 't take him home again until the scheduled time on the next hospital route . He was devestated , but trying to keep a brave face as he turned his wheelchair to just try to start on his way home . Ældste Olsen just got the strongest feeling from the Spirit to do everything possible to fix the problem . " If you can 't get him to the meeting , then you just take the meeting to him ! " So they set up a chair outside and he and Søster Olsen listened to the service from the windows . He barely managed to take the bread himself , but just shook his head as the water was brought out to him . " I can 't do that , " he said , " I just can 't . " Ældste Olsen just smiled and took the cup for him , lifting it to the man 's mouth to pour it in . As the man swallowed , he began to cry . " This is why I came . This is it . This is worth all of it . Thank you . " Like you his life is sorted out enough . That 's one thing about Danes . They have everything in their worlds very organized and very much in control . If that balance of control is shaken at all , they have a hard time keeping a grip on everything else . So it makes sense for him to feel like he has to have everything in order before proceeding farther . The government structure here and the social priviledges they enjoy as a country underline that , ensuring that no one needs to worry too much . There 's a reason Danes are statistically the happiest people in the world . When you don 't need to worry about your physical , monetary , or educational stability , it 's very easy to maintain a steady grip on your world . That 's why it seems like most of the people we teach are either really young or have been forced to be humbled by circumstance , because most Danes simply feel they have no need for a religion to fix their problems , and belief in God is popularly seen as weaker people looking for a way out . I love the Danes though . They are also a very generous , giving people , even if they are a bit more reserved with how they express affection . They 're wonderful . and they all see her as one of the group . The Senior Missionary Couple who run the Center here were thrilled to see her . As Søster Olsen told her , " You 're one of our girls , Gi . It doesn 't matter what you do , you 'll always be one of our girls . You know you 're always welcome here . " We hope she keeps up contact with the CUV here , if nothing else . Ol is still Ol . He 's busy with school starting up , but is trying to fit us into his schedule . He still keeps up with his reading in the Book of Mormon though , so that 's fantastic . He 's also started calling us the " M & M 's " . Sigh . We 're working with a few less active members in the ward too . One , Mi , came to all three hours of church last week ! She 's in her 50 's , from northern India ( lived her most of her life though ) , and really wants to come back . I think I 've written about her before . In Relief Society she was warmly welcomed , and even commented during the lesson . I was just sitting behind her grinning the whole time . - It 's good to hear that the students are doing well , even if the teachers are a bit on - edge . You 've always been great at calming people down and finding the heart of the problem though , so it 's good that the school has you . You might want to get some other pictures for your screen saver . After 8 months of life as a Sister Missionary ( no dentist , Greg - I hope you get well soon ! I 'm sorry you the surgery knocked you off your feet for a few weeks , but it 'll be nice to have some down time , however forced it may be . Netflix makes those down days easier though , doesn 't it ? William - It 's so good to hear from you . What 's your new address ? I 'll have to write to you ! Isn 't it fun living on your own ? miss that " electric green gold " . There are so many things you 'd love about Denmark . It 's a really crazy , fun place . Everything Humon stereotyped is totally true . You 'd like it , I think . It 's such an easy place to kick back and just enjoy life . Outside of central Copenhagen , no one really rushes for anything and life just comes as it comes . I miss watching movies with you and just hanging out , but I 'm sure you 're keeping yourself busy and the time will be over before you know it . The assistant ward mission leader here has become a really good friend of mine . On Sunday he joked that when he woke up that morning his hair looked like a Saiyan . He and his wife are also devout One Piece fans . Remember watching that together ? We 'll have to get back into it when I get home and have some good quality hang out time . What comes before part B ? Partay ! ! Yes . Good times when I get back to real life . " Get out of my room ! " Going into my room is easy enough . Finding your way back out of the maze of stuff is just my revenge . Thanks for the story . I even copied it down in my day calendar so I have it on hand . It 's totally true . A good percentage of the Danish population here struggles with depression ( I can 't blame them . They have to deal with Scandinavian winters with only 4 hours of sun ) , and you can really see how discouragement just takes is steady toll . When people forget who they really are and forget how much they 're worth , everything else just ceases to matter . That 's a lot of what we do here - sharing the meaning of the Atonement with people to just remind them that they are loved . Just knowing who you really are makes all the difference in the world . Seriously , send me your address . I would love to write you ! Love you ! Dad - I just about died laughing at your Finding Nemo quote . I really miss going back to school , actually . It feels so unnatural . That 's so weird that Madeliene is coming back soon . Crazy crazy crazy . And I 'll keep Carter in my prayers , of course , as the hurricane comes in . It sounds like all the back to school stuff is keeping you guys super busy , but that 's half the thrill of this time of year ! The other half is new school clothes . ; ) Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers . Say hi to everyone for me tonight ! Supreme Mugwump - I wish you could 've been at that medieval festival with me . It just took me back to all those other fun , nerdy times together . Søster Moore her boyfriend on his mission in Spain exchange videos through some Google plus page thing that 's totally white handbook kosher . She 's going to show me how to set it up today . Let 's do it ! I took a bunch of fun videos for you on that H + K memory card to mail to you , but it randomly went missing from the secure location where I kept it . I 'll keep looking . This is probably better though . You 've been in my thoughts and prayers a lot lately , and I really , really , really , really , really miss you . Er . . . that is all . THE JEAN ! ! You guys are just living the blessed life over there on the Devil 's Island . We won 't have splits , so we 'll just have to be better about writing . . . heh heh . . . yeah right . Well , we 'll try ! ( Not so secret message : you guys are awesome too ! ) need to make that bigger . It doesn 't quite convey the excitement . I have honestly never seen someone so happy - especially a 17 year old punk . He wanted Ældste Jespersen ( who first taught him , and one of my favorite Elders here ) to baptize him . His mom suggested someone from the ward do it so that they could continue that connection , but he wasn 't compromising . It had to be Ældste Jespersen . Seeing Ældste Jespersen down in the water , helping Jesper down the steps , was a powerful experience in itself . You could just feel how much they loved and respected each other . When Jesper came up out of the water he was just grinning . Then he gave Ældste Jespersen the biggest hug I 've ever seen . When they came out of the font someone put a towel around Jesper 's shoulders and his sister hugged him from the side and tousling his hair and saying how proud she was . He just stood there dripping and smiling . I wish I could convey the scene to you . Better yet , his sister isn 't a member of the church . Only his step family . He really is such a special guy , and we 're so excited to see him in the ward now . Søster Johnson is going to Frederiksberg to serve with Søster Guesne . Can you guess who 's replacing her ? No less than Søster Moore herself . The members all laugh when we tell them . " Oh great . Moore and Morse . We 're going to have fun with that . " Ældste Sorensen ( also staying in Odense ) has already started referring to us as the M & M 's . Ældste Hammond is going up to Århus to be replaced by Ældste Pitts , who has been here 2 months less than I have and has a reputation in the missionary for his passion and devotion to missionary work . The ultimate Last week also marked the 6 month anniversary of my MTC group 's arrival in Denmark . It 's so strange to think that I 've been in Denmark for 6 months already . I really do love this place . I wish you guys could see it . Not just visit , but have time to enjoy the culture and scenery and . . . well , the language and food are a bit weird , but you can enjoy those too ! I really love Ol . He 's totally crazy , but we get along so well . He 's the first investigator I 've taught where I feel like we have a genuine friendship as well . He 's , like , 40 , but that 's okay . He 's our crazy ginger . I 've missed that in my life since Hermana O ' Very abandoned me to got a text from him saying he 'd just biked 120 miles that day , plus another 25 to go get ice cream and head to his favorite park . To give you an idea , pull up a map of Denmark on Google . He biked the whole way around the island in the middle , Fyn , where we live . He 's also studying diving and kyaking and German and American Studies , which we can occasionally help with . He also has a necklace that says " 42 " . When I asked him why , he just started with , " Well , have you ever heard of Douglas Adams . . . " I think you guys would like him too . He tries to break things down and see them from every possible angle . He just wants to know everything . He 's so attentive and really wants to learn . I love that guy . started working with a new investigator - Si . She 's the friend of a woman who was just baptized in February ! She 's originally from Brazil , and she 's really fun and has a strong faith in Christ already . She 's had a really tough time though . She married a Dane and they had two children together , but just after the birth of their youngest , a daughter , he just walked out . That was a few years ago , and Si has sinced moved on . However , a few months ago her daughter was sexually abused at the day care . Si had no idea because no one told her and her daughter was too young to know to say anything , and when the day care reported it they went straight to the police . The court 's solution was to declare Si unfit as a mother and send her daughter to Copenhagen to live with her father , who was never a part of her live and doesn 't even know the girl . Needless to say , Si was beyond devistated . Right now she 's really trying to rely on her faith in God and try to put her life back together in a foreign land without her family . Ag , her friend who introduced us to her , came to Odense to escape a abusive ex and met the church again ( she 'd investigated before her sudden and secret move ) , so she really knows how much the gospel can bless a broken life . We 're really excited for Si though . She 's so sweet and has so many questions and really spiritual experiences that her priest back in Brazil couldn 't if we could use their bathroom . They were super sweet , and as Søster Johnson was in the bathroom I noticed a DVD about Christ on the table . We got to talking . Of course . We found the one Jehovah 's Witness family in the entire town . They invited us to stay though so we chatted for a bit ( about everything but religion ) before heading back into the rain . They really are kind people . - Thanks for the quote ! I really liked it . And for the guitar tabs ! I think I know almost all of those chords now , so I 'm really excited to try it out . How 's school going ? How was your time with Beverly and her family ? If Greece is still on the agenda , the recent RM from Greece in the ward recommended some places to visit . I 'll pass them on if you decide to go there . He said it should be totally fine . Katie - I am so jealous of your new schedule . You really ended up with all of the best teachers in the school all in one go . And I 'm so proud of you for getting the red skinny jeans . Did you know that ever since I was a kid , it was a dream of mine to have red pants ? Unfortunately , I look terrible in them , but I 'm so glad you found a pair ! And that you 're going to Italy ! And Switzerland ! ! ! ! That 's awesome . Beyond awesome . I 'm so jealous . Ugh . Oooh . I could just tell you . Okay , so there 's this American in Copenhagen who lives here because she married a Dane . She 's super cute and does interior design , and she has a blog called " The House that Lars Built " where she does crafts of the week and cute designs for random things . I wrote it down to check out after the mission , but you might be able to enjoy it now . Dad - Congratulations on the paper ! As I told Katie , I am so far beyond jealous that it 's not even funny . You and Katie are going to have serve His children , but that doesn 't mean that I don 't really want to see Hunger Games when I get back . The YSA 's in Copenhagen were all talking about it . It 's nice to know though that I won 't have to worry about finding it all when the time comes . Thanks . And your other picture Cheryl - You 're training for a triathalon ? ! Crazy woman . That would be really fun though . You 'd love Ol . He 's crazy too . One of the women on his biking team was just in the Olympics . It 's true what you said though . Our work out here is pointless unless we have the Spirit with us . I think every missionary learns that pretty quickly . He really does become a friend though , just like any other . You can always feel the Spirit in church or when praying and studying , but never before have I been able to feel his presence just like I would if my companion were in the room or not . And not just in church either , but 24 / 7 . Well , maybe not quite 24 / 7 . I 'm not perfect . Trying to be , but not quite yet . That 's Supreme Mugwump - I ate bloody steak . You 'd be so proud of me . The member was from Iceland , so I couldn 't really turn it down . And you know This one needs to be on the blog , right with the letter . This is Jesper just after his baptism , along with all the missionaries who taught him . Ældste Jespersen is the one in the middle of the back row , just so you can better visualize the story . And lying on the floor like a supermodel was aaaaaall Jesper 's idea . Supreme Mugwump - I ate bloody steak . You 'd be so proud of me . The member was from Iceland , so I couldn 't really turn it down . And you know These might just be the biggest flowers ever ( and hydrangeas always make me think of you , Mom . ) Funny story , actually , We were just walking past and Søster Johnson pointed them out - two GIANT plants on either side of the circle gravel driveway leading up to the house . As soon as we saw them , we knew we had to have a picture . We scouted out the house from the street to see if anyone was home ( you do that a lot while knocking on doors ) . The coast looked clear , so we set our cameras on timer mode and posed . Just as a woman popped her head out the window and in the States loves these flowers , and that they were the biggest I 'd ever seen , and I really wanted a picture to show her because she wouldn 't believe me if I just told her . The woman became much more friendly after that . Didn 't listen to our message , but let us take a picture with her flowers . All for you . little sign a member 's daughter made . Smart kid . I just had to take a pic to show you all . ( hint : read the red letters ) Photo 3 - Yes , they really do worship Hans Christian Andersen here . This is a cross walk sign in the city - they 're all H . C . Andersen . Det Danske Banner anyway ) , had just moved in with them . Jesper had investigated the church back when he was living in Sønderborg with his mom and had had a baptismal date before , but been talked out of it . Malene was beyond excited . Apparently when he moved in he asked her to call him any time she was doing her scripture study so that he could read with her . Just a bit of background , Malene 's nine year old daughter , Emalie , was just baptized a few months ago . Her daughter from her first marriage is a member , and her son has been investigating the church with us for a while . Well he was until he left to Latvia for the whole summer to visit his dad . He 's starting up again though . Malene 's current husband , Kurt , is not a member . He 's hard - core traditionalist Danish . He even has an small gold hoop earring ( the tradition behind that is that Denmark used to be almost entirely fishermen and sailors , who had a small gold hoop in their ear to pay the ferryman to the afterworld in case they ever were lost at sea ( a tradition going back to day the Elders in Sønderborg who were working with Jesper woke up to a text from him , saying , " I want to be baptized . I will repent and join the church . I know it 's true . I don 't care what the opposition is anymore . Can I be baptized this Saturday ? " So everyone in Odense and Sønderborg has been in a huge craze trying to get it all ready . He agreed to postpone it to this coming Saturday though , so that his mom will be able to come to his baptism . Søster Johnson and I went out to their farm to meet Jesper and go over the baptismal interview questions with him , and he is amazing . Søster Johnson knew him before , and she didn 't even recognize him when she saw him , he 's changed so much . I 'll let you all know how the baptism went next e - mail ! like he needs to get his feet under him before he makes these committments with God . He understands what it means , and understands that it has to be something he 's ready for . We 've prayed about it and feel like that 's right . So pray he finds it ! Ol is also doing well . He wants to just learn everything , so we 're having a hard time finding out how interrested he really is . We 're having a " DTR " next meeting though . Gi has stopped responding to our calls and texts . Unfortunately , her parents were evidently able to persuade her to get out of it . However , she has a lot of good frienships with the youth in the ward . I don 't think she 'd drop that . That 's how Da came back to the church after all , through the friends who loved her enough to support her for who she was , no matter her choices . I 'm gaining a new appreciation for that . Like with Mi , a less active member we 're working with now . She comes to Sacrament meeting because she knows it 's important and is really striving to get to the temple . Her dad died last year though and she went through a rough time when she pulled away from the church . Now that she 's trying to come back , it 's like she 's an outcast . She 's in her 50 's , unmarried , with only her mother and sister in Denmark . The rest of her friends and family are still in India . She manages to slip in and out of meetings without a single person acknowledging her existence . We can usually drag her to the second hour , but helping her be strong in Relief Society will only come through the other members . She tries to stay , and really has a testimony Adventure of the Week : Danish Doctors Offices . Søster Johnson has had bad stomach aches for the last month or so , but lately they 've been bad enough that we can 't go out and work . Good news though - I finally got caught up on all the calling that didn 't get done when she was training ! She finally caved and went to the doctor . Okay , for all the terrible rumors I 've heard about doctors in socialist countries , this doctor was fantastic . He was professional , educated , and efficient . It was still an adventure though . And I 'm proud to report that her tummy is On Sunday for Stake Conference we headed up to Herning with the Jensens ( actually President Andersen 's sister and her family , who are one of my favorites in the ward here ) . The speaker was Elder Craig T Wright of the Quorum of the Seventy . His talk was absolutely amazing , advising all of us to have enough faith in Christ to let go of the things in our lives that are good , but might be taking up too much , in order to find the best things that matter most . Søster Johnson and I went up to say hello to him afterward and he took Søster Johnson hand in here to Denmark , and that the spirit of the Lord would bless us as we tried to fulfill it . It 's times like this that I wish my life was a movie and someone followed me around to get that moment on film . You all Jeg elsker jer ! HannahPhoto 1 - Søster Johnson , me , Kurt ( Malene 's Husband ) , and Jesper on a big rock in a corn field next to their lake . I can 't even describe how beautiful it was . Photo 2 - A picture 's worth a thousand words . This is a photo of the lake . The blue speck is Jesper . Photo 3 - Yes , they really do worship Hans Christian Andersen here . This is a cross walk sign in the city - they 're all H . C . Andersen . Photo Mom - Thanks for your sweet card ! I love getting letters from you . They 're always so uplifting and exactly what I need to hear . Thank you for the talk too . I remember reading it in the Liahona when it came out , you turn out to be psychotic . I mean psychic . Freudian slip . Oops . Or as they say in Danish , " Ups " . Good luck with the new school year ! Katie - Mom told me you 've been all dolled up for the new school year ! That 's so exciting ! What classes are you taking ? How 'd things go with your youtube mission ? Dad - You read our minds too ! Our next the peace and support he felt " like a wave " . He was thrilled when we suggested it . Definitely on the agenda asap , but it will be from a member he remembers from round 1 , who can 't meet until next week . Going strong though . What you said about challenges is true . It reminds me of a quote I heard in a talk just recently . " Satan doesn 't kick no dead dogs . " WHAT ? ! I didn 't even know The Hobbit was going to be in two parts , and now it 's a trilogy ? ! That 's going to be so cool . Cheryl - Good luck with all the renovations . I 'm sure it will be beautiful though ! I made your potato soup last night . Well , I tried to approximate it . It was okay , but not like yours . Would you send me the recipe ? Supreme Mugwump - I found out that my assistant ward mission leader and his wife are fans of One Piece ! He 's a recent RM and she 's from Bolivia , raised in Spain , and they 're both absolutely awesome ! I wish you were here to meet them ! By the way , in the photo on the rock I 'm wearing the blue shirt you sent me . I love it ! Posted by to come to church . However , he 's still reading and praying , and is going to the doctor tomorrow , so hopefully things pick up again . Personally , I think all the new opposition he 's been facing is coming because he 's on the right track . Sometimes when we 're doing our best is when the devil does his worst . But if we stay faithful and have God on our side , then His is enough to make our best better . I don 't know if that makes sense at all , but it 's how I see it anyway . That 's the situation with Gi . She 's been invetigating for a while now . She 's 20 years old , comes to church , has a lot of great friends in the CUV , and is open with her friends and family about going to an LDS church . The Elders only transferred her to us because their relationship became to " buddy buddy " and she needed to get serious . Which she did . She 's really been studying and praying , and we were going to invite her to pray about a specific baptismal date at our next meeting . Her parents now feel like she might be getting in over her head with it though . It feels like Ni all over again , but Gi is tough . The girls studdying to be a car mechanic . If she wants to continue with the church , no one is going to stop her . At the same time though , she 's been getting a lot of pressure from her parents . She hasn 't dropped us though . She texted to tell us what was going on , and we told her that it wasn 't up to us or even her parents . This is her development and her choice . We simply asked that she include God in her decision . She 's been praying over it , and will let us know when she can meet . Please pray for her . Sister Moore plays the guitar , so she was able to teach me a few new songs . We couldn 't find graham crackers , but we were able to use Digetive biscuits and make s ' mores . Oh . My . Goodness . It was a little piece of heaven . We 're spending our Pday and Elder and Sister Olsen 's house , and we brought all the suplies . We 're just waiting on the Elders . We taught Primary on Sunday and it was such a blast . There were only four children , and one of them couldn 't talk yet , but they were a riot . In place of a talk ( since everyone 's on vacation ) one of the younger fathers in the ward came in with a puppet dog looking thing on his hand . The kids flipped . Apparently , that puppet dog thing is the star of the Danish People 's Church 's equivalent of Veggie Tales . It 's kind of like Blue 's Clues , where a man sings the songs and tells the stories and the dog goes along with it and is adorable . He popped the DVD in ( as the kids were all hugging the puppet and giving it kisses and high fives ) and let them pick a video . One chose the story of John the Baptist . The Elders were there to help with our part of the lesson , and a soon as the clip started we all looked at each other in horror . The guy read the children 's version of the story well enough , but then went on to explain that although we 're baptized like Jesus was , we no longer do it all the way under water because that 's not necessary and it 's really uncomfortable , and why it 's good thing to be baptized as baby . Then they sang a cute little song that 's often sung at babies ' baptisims and while the music continued , the camera showed a dollhouse style church interior with two hands holding three beanie baby bears - two parents holding a baby bear and one bear dressed as a priest . The priest bear dipped his hand into the raised font and dripped some water on the baby bear 's head , then blotted it off with a cloth and bowed to the parent bears , who were hopping and moving like they were just so happy . All this time the four missionaries are trying not to laugh , the primary teachers are horrified , and the kids are staring raptly at the screne and smiling . Thank goodness the guy jumped back in with the puppet afterward to explain that it WAS necessary to be baptized all the priesthood holder holds your hand and helps you come up out of the water again . The kids didn 't notice anything was weird about the whole thing , but that was hands down one of the best days in church ever . For our lesson Sister Johnson and I talked about the Strippling Warriors , and how we can always rely on God when we have to go through hard times . Then as we told the story we had the kids help us act it out . I was Antipus , Sister Johnson was Helaman , and the Elders were the Lamanites . So I snuck past , the Elders followed me , then the kids took over the pulpit ( the city of Antiparah ) . When I didn 't come back from the back of the classroom , the kids decided they had to go rescue me , which they courageously did , crawling all over the Elders and hitting them with stuffed animals . We even cut up an old sweater left in the apartment so the kids all had headbands like Lamanites . It was a beautiful sight , seeing them run out of Primary with their headbands on . Mission accomplished . I miss all of you , but know that my family here is taking good care of me . I wish you could somehow meet them all . You 'd love them too . and Grandpa Morse ~ I 'm so glad to hear that the treatment is finally over ! If you ring that gong loud enough , maybe I 'll be able to hear it over here . You never know until you try . Congratulations to William ! That 's great news about his mission call ! It 'll be an exciting area too . Supreme Mugwump ~ You are the bestest bestest bestest friend in the whole wide world . I loved your birthday package . I 'm really excited to dress up Korihor . By the way , yesterday was Friendship Day . I hope you noticed it on the calendar . I know for a fact that it was on there , seeing as we have the same one . Expect a letter soon and thanks for being so patient with your prodigal friend . O ' Very family ~ Thank you for sending the package off ! Katie keeps me updated , and it sounds like everyone is doing well . You 're in my prayers ! |
I served as caregiver for my parents from Nov 1998 until Sep 21 2007 . Dad had Alzheimer 's and he and I frequently sat on the porch of his home . I am making my own porch now . My advisers told me that if the congress fails to implement an economic recovery plan that they thought the stock market could fall by as much as 1 / 3 or more of its current value . That means the Dow could fall to somewhere in the 7 , 000 's . They thought other areas of the economy would be dramatically affected as uncertainty and lack of credit spread . They thought it would last maybe 5 years or so and all this would happen very quickly . I was interested in how many recessions we 've had in the United States and how long they lasted . I found a list at good old Wikipedia . I count 17 entries including panics , recessions , and depressions . I 'm going to rewrite the list from Wiki and note that the article states that those times before 1900 are estimates : 1797 - 3 years - Panic1807 - 7 years - Depression1819 - 5 years - Panic1837 - 6 years - Panic1857 - 3 years - Panic1873 - 6 years - Panic1873 - 23 years << + + + + + Long Depression ( yikes ! ) 1893 - 3 years - Panic1907 - 1 year - Panic1918 - 3 years - Recession1929 - 10 years << + + + + + Great Depression1953 - 1 year - Recession1957 - 1 year - Recession1973 - 2 years - Oil Crisis1980 - 2 years - Recession1990 - 1 year - Recession2001 - 2 years - RecessionSo of these 17 I have lived through 6 . I feel like I know a lot about the Great Depression because it was so central to my parents ' lives and I heard them talk so much about it . I always hoped I would never see anything as severe as the Great Depression . Here in Oklahoma in the 1980 's we experienced a much more severe crisis than the rest of the country when Penn Square Bank failed and then the oil boom burst followed by our own real estate bubble exploding . It was a very hard time here . But my dad said it was nothing like the Great Depression . During all these downturns I was in business myself or my father was in business or we both were in business together . It really hurts when you have to cut expenses and lay off people who have become your friends because you simply have no work for them to do . I did that myself many times and it at This is me decked out in all my ranch finery . Except you can 't see my New Balance hiking shoes . That thing in my hand is fly spray . I thought a spray might be easier . Judy thought we should get the wipe on kind . She was right . Besides everything else we had to have our horse 's hooves trimmed . Who do you call ? The farrier if you don 't do it yourself . And believe me I don 't . So we called a farrier and he came and it is a good thing he knew what he was doing because I surely did not . I am getting considerably better at putting on a halter though . Would not go so far as to say I have mastered the art but definitely better than when I began . We have one halter that is really limp . I 'm still not smart enough to put it on . I need a horse that I can just hand the halter to and say " buckle up " and then walk off . Judy said her dad would be so embarrassed at our combined ignorance and inability . I have to take most of the credit for it because I am well below zero on this scale . Judy can barely reach the buckle of the halter for her Jet unless he lowers his head . That is an accommodation that one cannot count on . Our farrier arrived on Saturday afternoon . He is a really nice fellow . His normal job is welding and around here it is a really busy time . But he tries to keep his farrier trade up when he can . His tools were quite simple really . I never had seen anyone trim horse 's hooves before . It is a little like trimming your fingernails . Very little that is . Getting the horse to cooperate is not so easy if the horse is not so inclined . One of ours was not inclined either . Trimming hooves is backbreaking work . First you have to get the horse to lift his hoof so you can get hold of it and while turned around you keep it kind of between your legs . It is hard to describe but probably harder to do . Then you have these big clipper like things that you use to cut off and shape the hoof . After that you get the horse to put his foot up on this little tripod like stand and use a really big file on the hoof . If it sounds easy I haven 't properlat Nebraska lawmakers consider revising ' safe haven ' lawsI thought this was a sad but interesting article and a very good example of unintended consequences . The idea behind the law was to give people who were about to abandon newborns an alternative to throwing them into a dumpster or some such . But the law was written for children as old as 19 even though no one ever expected it to be applied to teenagers ( supposedly according to the article ) . Turns out that was wrong and there have been teenagers abandoned under the law . Here 's an excerpt from another article in the Chicago Tribune : Over the last two weeks , moms or dads have dropped off seven teens at hospitals in the Cornhusker state , indicating they didn 't want to care for them any more . " They were tired of their parenting role , " according to Todd Landry of Nebraska 's Department of Human and Human Services , quoted in USA Today . Under a newly implemented law , Nebraska is the only state in the nation to allow parents to leave children of any age at hospitals and request they be taken care of , USA Today notes . So - called " safe haven laws " in other states were designed to protect babies and infants from parental abandonment . The most eye - popping case in Nebraska occurred Wednesday , when a 34 - year - old father deposited nine children ages 1 to 17 at Creighton University Medical Center - - and then walked away . The mother died a year and a half ago after a cerebral hemorrhage . The father , Gary Staton , told KETV - TV , a local station , " I was with her for 17 years , and then she was gone . What was I going to do ? We raised them together . I didn 't think I could do it alone . I fell apart . I couldn 't take care of them . " The Omaha World - Herald reported that the man had a " history of unemployment , eviction notices and unpaid bills - and a psychologist 's determination that he lacked common sense . " Sad . That 's what the man said who came to remove the gas meter . He was a little upset at first . He asked me if this was one of those " eminent domain " deals . I assured him it wasn 't and told him my dad died a year ago and we were in the process of selling some of the land . He asked about the house and I told him it was going to be torn down . He said he always liked that house and it was a shame it would be removed . He was younger than I am by a good many years I 'd guess . But we were in the same generation I think . Still , I doubt he ever knew a time when the house was not there . It is the only house still in one half mile in all directions from the corner . That 's pretty remarkable really . It 's not the only building of course . Quite a number of people have commented to me about the house and the farm and how much they will miss it . One person told me it had always represented a kind of stability and permanence to him . I thought that interesting because it also represented that to me although likely for different reasons . The man from the gas company did know a lot about my dad . He said that Dad had talked his leg off a time or two . He remembered a lot of details about those conversations and what he shared I know were true . That made me feel really good . It did not make me feel as good when he set the meter in his truck and drove away . I will turn off the water to the house this next week . The septic system is gone now . I don 't know why I haven 't turned the water off yet . Somehow I don 't really want to do it . Then that will only leave the electric service . Very soon there will be no need of it either . Yesterday we were with the horse when the vet arrived . After his examination he said he had noticed my cap and what was embroidered on it . He said " Is that your farm over there ? " He meant Dad 's farm of course . My son had some caps made with the name on it . They were astonishingly popular . I suppose we should make some more maybe . Anyway I answered that it was . He then told about when he was a new vet and how he " pulled many a calat Not really . But it does remind me of my childhood when I would get up early with Dad and we would together go out and do the chores with the cattle . I do find it interesting that the more time I spend the horses the more comfortable we all become with each other . I remember that with the cattle , too . My son and I were talking about it yesterday . He remembered the year that he lived with my mom and dad . During that time there was a new born calf that had to be raised by hand . He said he recalled asking my dad if he thought it would live and dad said he didn 't . My son said they kept the calf in the well house . I kind of recall that but not the details of it . Anyway that 's a strong memory for my son . And the calf lived . My daughter found dad 's old cup and I took it over to the office trailer . I don 't know how old that cup is . It used to have his name on it with one of those label things but that 's long gone . We thought we 'd save it and put it in the new office we will build some day . A lady from The Oklahoman called me yesterday about the land we 're donating to the City of Moore for a fire station . I couldn 't talk then so she 's calling back this morning . Beats me what I will say except to try to get her to spell our name correctly . I 'm off to take care of the horses . I could go on , too , with my list . Internet is not back yet . We are waiting on more help from AT & T . At least they are helping . Economy is getting sicker . I am irritated that there is so much ignorance about it and more irritated that congress is so slow . I am pretty impressed with Henry Paulson . It does remind me a lot of the early 80 's here during the oil , real estate , and banking busts . Except that here is better this time . If credit is not made available soon though things will become dire . We have a sick horse . The prescription is antibiotics and albuterol twice a day . Horses are big so a dose for this one is 10 big antibiotic pills . We crush them up and mix them with sweet feed . The albuterol is kind of a thick liquidy stuff in a syringe . I am amazed at how my tiny wife is able to get the syringe into the horse 's mouth and squeeze it all at the same time . Maybe the horse is similarly amazed . Sweet feed is a mixture of grains and molasses . The horses really like sweet feed . Actually it kind of looks good to me sometimes . We have one horse that I think might like her oats better than sweet feed . We ( actually my better half - so " we " only in the grammatical sense ) bought some rolled oats for the horses the other day . They look pretty good but were a little chewy for me . They aren 't as dusty as the usual oats we feed to the horses . Also had to get some cleaner hay . When I was a kid I used to always taste the cattle cubes and other things we bought for them to eat . I figured if the cattle could eat it then it had to be more or less safe for humans . Yesterday morning I was doing the honors of administering the antibiotic mixture . All the other horses wanted some attention as well as some sweet feed , so they all came over . They are such inquisitive creatures . Then they ( the other 3 that is ) were trying to get their heads into the bucket . The one named " Bucky " tried to get my left hand off the bucket by biting my hand . He didn 't bite as hard as he could have but it still hurt . Not that he held back on my account mind you . Weat Of course I had to lose it first . We 've agreed to sell the property just north of the house to Chick - Fil - A but only after we put in basic utilities . That included a rather deep and large trench to contain the storm sewer line . Its path was right across both the telephone and cable lines . We called the cable company and told them we were likely going to cut the cable . The customer service representative said that they couldn 't really do anything until the cable was actually cut . It did not take terribly long to cut both lines . So we reported to both utilities . AT & T came right out and ran a temporary line for us . The only problem was they came after we 'd all left and with our confusing geography connected it to the house instead of the office . We let them know the next day and they corrected it immediately . This was amazing to me and reminded me of the old AT & T of my childhood and youth . The attitude was " let 's fix this problem " and make our customer happy . And they did , too . Cox , our cable provider , was the opposite though . The repairman came out and looked at the cable and simply told us we were out of luck and they could not restore service . He further told us to contact their business office and ask that it be disconnected to avoid additional charges . So I called and told the story . The lady I talked to seemed to think I was making this all up . She said she would have to fax me a disconnect order for me to sign and fax back . Problem with that was that I was talking on my cell phone and our Internet was down . She was unsympathetic . But she faxed the paper anyway and our incoming fax is over the Internet . I managed to connect to a hot spot at Starbucks and download the document to my laptop . Then I was able to print it out . By that time AT & T had gotten our phone line back and I faxed the signed document back to Cox . Haven 't heard from them since . AT & T is going to get us DSL and we 're supposed to have it working today . Again we received amazing service from AT & T . Monday night I was at a city council meeting about our Taat I 've been thinking for a while about what I would post today because it has been one year since my dad died . I have experienced some mild anxiety in anticipation , or should I say dread , of this day . I suppose it was both anticipation and dread actually . But now that the day has arrived the anxiety has departed . How am I after the passing of these 365 days ? The word that comes to mind most readily is unfinished . Or maybe incomplete . Or maybe better still is in between . Dad 's death set in motion an entire fleet of new life transactions and hardly any of those vessels have yet made port . The sea has been both tranquil and rough . I am on board them all as passenger , captain , and crew . Sometimes I awake to find myself on some new one I hadn 't even realized set sail . And just as all these things are unfinished , I find myself similarly in transition . I look back towards where I started and I can easily see that I have come a very long ways . But when I turn to face the front I see some closer land more clearly but there is more in the distance that remains shrouded by both distance and future . And I have little idea of the name of my destination and even less of what it is like . My new house is one of the closer things . It is taking shape before my eyes . Yet I wonder what it will be like to awaken there each morning . And then I think that only one year ago I was awakening in another room in another house . I have learned a lot about being a full time husband and companion . I 've benefited from a patient and loving and understanding partner . My role in my work life remains more unknown and that may be as much from an age transition as from being caregiver . And I am adjusting to relating to a larger group of people than my previously smaller circle . In some ways I am like the child who repeatedly asks " are we there yet ? " Yet I also know that the trip itself is just as important or more so than the destination . It is easy to let the uncertainties and the accompanying fear crowd out those things that have been done . One thing for sureat For millions of people this week has already seen its share of devastating events . There have been so many events it is hard to remember them . But it was just this past Monday that Lehman Brothers filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy protection . It is the largest bankruptcy ever . The company reported $ 613 Billion in debt and $ 639 Billion in total assets . This dwarfs the previous record set by WorldCom in 2002 which had only $ 104 Billion in debt . When I read the first article about Lehman I thought to myself " wait , there seems to be more assets than liabilities by some $ 26 Billion . " But I gather there may be a lot more bond debt and that a good hunk of the assets is worthless sub - prime mortgage stuff . Then Bank of America bought Merrill Lynch . Then AIG , an insurance company with more than $ 1 trillion in assets , was bailed out by the feds . Bail out is actually an interesting term here . The arrangement allows the company to continue but wiped out nearly all of the equity . There were a lot of folks who owned AIG stock just as there were a lot of people who owned Lehman stock . As it turned out I was meeting with someone on Wednesday . He told us about a relative that had retired from AIG and whose retirement account was 100 % invested in AIG stock . That same story with variances in amounts has occurred now thousands and perhaps millions of times . There was no bail out for those individuals . The bail out does save some jobs of current employees . But mostly it helps save the customers . These events were troubling for the stock market and it dropped a bunch . That drop of course further hurt countless numbers of investors both big and small . It reminded me of the times I 've personally experienced economic hard times . There have been at least four times . The hardest for me eventually resulted in personal bankruptcy . Let no one kid you about bankruptcy being trivial and easy because mine was not . My parents both lived through the Great Depression . It usually is considered to have lasted 10 years . That duration alone sets it apart for at We headed for the Oklahoma State Fair on Sunday afternoon . Of course it has been raining so parking was a bit of a problem but only a bit . It always rains at fair time . It was actually a little cool in the wind on Sunday early but the sun warmed things up a lot by the time we got out on the Midway . It is much as I remember it from my youth except it is bigger . In fact everything is bigger including the people . Sometimes I think I may be of a different species because everyone seems so much taller and bigger . I remember the first time I walked down the Midway at the fair . I must have been like Pinocchio just come to life and looking at the world as a real boy for the first time . There were all these people , mostly men but some women , hollering at me to come to their tent and try to win something or to try my skill or to see something weird and amazing . I was too naive then to know to not look directly at them . I remember how they would try to shame me into coming over and spending money . But I had very little money and I was pretty scared of losing any of it . I remember when we were in grade school in the early years that there was a fair day and the school actually took us to the fair in buses . Later that was changed and we just received free tickets and got off a day so we could get ourselves to the fair . I don 't know if anything like that happens now . Anyway I remember kids coming to school with stuff they had gotten from the fair . One thing I remember clearly are the Chameleon lizards that several kids would have . I always wanted to get one of those but I never did see where they were sold out there and besides my parents would never have allowed it . Then someone would always have a set of Chinese handcuffs which were more like finger cuffs really . But I remember thinking they were so cool . The thing that I recall the most clearly about the fair though was the kind of cylindrical shaped building where these guys would ride the motorcycles on the walls . I think they called it the Wall of Death maybe . I just thoughtat There are so many ways we lose innocence as we move from child to adult . Innocence . We , that is those of us who are not , know what it means . It means having no knowledge of evil . Even those who do not believe in evil recognize innocence . I had several reminders last week of innocence and the fact that we lose it . I didn 't like the reminders . The first incident had to do with a grandson 's homework assignment . His class read this little story about a group of children and a new kid 's arrival . The new kid was viewed differently and negatively at first but as he became better known then that changed . We 've all observed situations where someone new arrives and the group only seems to see the differences and the negatives and then later the similarities are noticed and eventually there is acceptance . There were questions asked of the students abut the story . One question was to describe someone you had changed your mind about when you knew them better . My grandson just answered that he hadn 't done that yet . My son said he tried to explain the question better but his son seemed to understand it but stuck to his answer that he had not done that yet . I chuckled over it at first . But the idea of it stuck with me . I guess it is still with me or I would not be blogging about it . Gradually I began to think about it in terms of innocence lost . He 's such a wonderfully sweet and smart nine year old , this grandson of mine . I wondered had he never really changed his mind about someone yet ? Did he not understand the story or the question ? But he 's really smart so I ruled out the understanding option . He understood . He 's also sweet and he 's the kind of kid that would take up for someone if everyone else was making fun of them . So maybe it just has not happened yet to him . That 's when I thought about how innocent it was to simply meet someone new and just accept them as is . That 's the way it should be but rarely is . Usually someone else introduces us and either beforehand or coincidentally " poisons the well " with some information about the at Hmmm . On September 4 , 2008 I posted Republican Convention 08 - Tuesday and Sitemeter recorded the astonishing number of 337 visitors . On September 2 , 2008 it reported I had 291 visitors and I posted Hurricanes Gustav and Katrina . Previously my posts dealing with snakes and spiders garnered the most visitors but by half or less than these recent entries . My conclusion is that a lot of visitors were apparently interested in my thoughts about the Republican convention and hurricanes . Except I think they didn 't realize it was me . Because I think if they had know it was me they wouldn 't have bothered . Just in case there is any doubt let me be perfectly clear that I know less than squat in roughly equal measure about both hurricanes and politics . We live in a strange , strange world . We planned to see a movie last Friday . And we planned to see it at the new , spectacular Warren Theater in our town of Moore , Oklahoma . But beyond that we hadn 't planned much . So it was just before 4 pm when we arrived at the Warren after we finished our other errands . There are 16 screens so there were 16 movies and there were a couple starting near our time . That 's pretty much how we choose which movie to watch . I suppose some might say that 's choosing by coincidence . I prefer to think of it as being spontaneous . I guess I should add that Mrs . Flinty makes the final selection . That was probably obvious though . And her choice was The Women . It was scheduled to start about 10 minutes after our arrival . The choices it beat out were : Death Race and The Family That Preys . I would like to sometime watch the The Dark Knight and Judy wants to watch Mamma Mia but the times were wrong ; or , our arrival , one or the other . Righteous Kill was playing in one of the two main theaters that have balconies but was sold out . Our arrival and selection still gave us time to buy the tickets , buy 2 Diet Pepsi 's and one small popcorn ( which was huge ) , and make our way to theater number 2 . The tickets were $ 7 . 00 each and the concessions cost $ 11 . 50 ( no tax ) for a total of $ 25 . 50 . I actually thought that was a pretty good deal for the value received . The theater is wonderful in itself and well worth a trip . It is in the style of the old , grand theaters I remember from my childhood . But it is entirely modern , too , with all the latest and greatest technology . It is fully carpeted throughout and immaculate . I was surprised at how many people were in our specific theater . The upper rows were pretty full and at first I thought we might have to sit in those close - to - the - screen rows . I am told that even the close rows are pretty good in this theater but I 'd rather be farther back . I 'd really rather be in the balcony where two seats are arranged like a love seat and the middle arms can be lifted . That would be fun sometime and we 'll do it eventually . It at These are renderings of the City of Moore 's new Fire Station 1 . A few years before my dad 's death but well after my mother 's I received a phone call from the Assistant City Manager requesting a meeting . He and the Fire Chief came together for the meeting and we three as well as my dad sat in the living room of dad 's home . The men from the City explained that the City needed to build a new fire station and they were interested in locating it somewhere on our property if possible . At the time they believed they needed about 2 acres or so and the project would include a fire station as well as an administration area and an emergency services area . Emergency services is very important in Moore ever since the huge tornado we experienced on May 3 , 1999 . I very well recall that date because that was just a few months after I came to live with mom and dad and mom had only been home from the hospital a few months . Still she was not able to walk very much and so I was fixing meals for us and we were eating upstairs in her bedroom . But the May 3rd tornado was so large and was coming directly towards us that Dad and I , together , managed to get mom down the stairs to the basement . I had mom on this office chair so I could roll her around . Fortunately for us the tornado turned slightly away from us but it still caused terrible damage and awful loss of life . Not far from us is where the fastest wind speed on Earth was recorded . That day the City of Moore and the people who work in the government and the citizens and especially the emergency services people were tested beyond measure . So emergency services is very important to everyone who lives here . After they left dad and I talked it over and he decided it would be a good thing for us to give the land required by the City for the fire station . We told the City and the citizens subsequently voted by a large majority to pay for the new fire station with a sales tax increase . So now the time has come for the facility to be built and staffed . My family and I are very happy that we 've beeat This image shows the boring machine that is being used to bury a new sanitary sewer beneath the road in front of the house . It is amazing to me that this can be done . The contractor is actually boring and placing a fairly large ( to me anyway ) line nearly 200 ' and it is pretty deep . I think it is about 10 ' or 12 ' deep on the house end and ends up nearly 20 ' deep on the other . They delivered the machine on a really big truck . This image is a bit deceiving although you can see men standing next to the machine for scale . But those " rods " that are visible on the side of the machine weigh more than 200 pounds each . This is all possible by virtue of GPS technology for both planar positioning as well as depth . Getting beneath the road seems difficult to me but the worse part is tunneling beneath a bunch of other utilities on the other side of the road . I am not mechanically inclined so I am in awe of people being able to actually do this . The fellow that runs the machine told us that they have one machine that can place pipe over one mile in length and very deep . This project is for the new Chick - Fil - A that will be built just north of the house . This will be our first sale of land since my dad 's death . My brother and I managed to keep our promise to our parents . The sale doesn 't actually occur until we have all the utilities to the site . One bad thing is that the septic tank system is going to be destroyed in this endeavor . Which means that the house becomes more unlivable and brings closer the day when the structure itself will be removed . Did I mention that it is very expensive being in the development business ? If there 's any doubt let me put those doubts to rest . This is a sign just erected by the City of Moore , Oklahoma where we live . It was my dad 's and mom 's desire to support the community with a gift of land after their deaths . So my family is donating about 3 acres to the City of Moore for a new fire station . The City is going to erect a plaque in the fire station recognizing the gift of the land by our parents . We thougat Seven years have passed . Last year I wrote about what that day was like for me and mom and dad . The memory of the day is no less vivid for me now than it was a year ago or even the day itself . I think the memory that will outlast all others will be the one of walking outside and experiencing the silence and the absolute emptiness of the skies . In 2001 on September 11th I did not know that my mother would be dead in just a few weeks . And last year in 2007 on September 11th I did not know that my dad would be dead in just a few days . And this year on September 11th I have no idea what may happen in the next few days or even in the next few minutes as I am writing this . I have been fascinated lately by the idea of how the unplanned and unexpected can so suddenly intrude upon our lives . We plan and plot and scheme . I like to make little lists on my Treo calendar of things I need to do and then check them off as they are completed . I think it gives me some kind of sense of control when I check off my little tasks . If I can 't check them off I like to move them to some future date . Either way though it gives me this sense of controlling my own destiny . It is a false notion of course . I know it is false even though I sometimes act like I don 't . I haven 't always known it . There was definitely a time when I really did think I was the master of my own fate . I was insufferably arrogant then and knew very little of life . Certainly I should have known better having lived on the farm . That 's one thing I am thinking aobut this year . Another thing is that we 've not been attacked again . I think it was nearly unanimous back in 2001 that we would be attacked again . I remember someone saying that it was not a matter of if but a matter of when . And it seemed likely to me as well . So I am surely surprised and grateful that we 've been spared another attack . Yet another thought is that it seems to me our collective memory of the event is dimmer this year . Maybe I am wrong . I hope the memorial services will help keep alive the memory of the eveat My daughter is cleaning out my parents ' home for us . In the process she is finding some interesting things , at least to me . One such example is a World War II Ration Book . I do not recall ever seeing this before . There were four series of ration books issued . Book Four it appears was issued in 1943 . The book originally contained red , green , and blue stamps in addition to some spares and tokens . The one I have now contains only green and blue stamps . The stamps themselves have a letter and a number and an image . I read a little about the rationing system and how it was used . Just because you had a ration book didn 't mean you could get the goods either . Sometimes people waited in line for a long time only to be disappointed when it was their turn . My grandparents raised much of their own food . I know they were pretty self - reliant . Still there were things that simply could not be had except through the ration system . We found a ration that had been used to buy an oil heater . There is no description of the heater so I am guessing . But my grandparents had a fairly large chicken house and they raised chicks and sold them among other things . So I suspect the heater may have been for that . We also found some bank statements and canceled checks from the 1930 's and a couple of invoices . Another thing that fascinated me was a hand sketching of a golf course that my dad had drawn on the back of a sheet of analysis pad paper . It was clearly something he was thinking or dreaming about on his farm . I remember him talking about the possibility of a golf course but I had never before seen this sketch . It is kind of thrilling in a way to actually have something that represents a dream or idea that he had . I watched an interview of Sarah Palin 's closest ( according to interview ) friends on Monday morning on ABC 's GMA . GMA means Good Morning America just in case there are others out there who didn 't know . I didn 't but I don 't watch much over - air TV . I am relegated to that fate now when I exercise because of the absence of cable and satellite . I had forgotten how much I enjoy having cable or satellite . But that 's a different post . The image is a screen capture of the ABC News web page . It 's hard to read at this size but there 's a headline that reads " With Friends Like These : Palin Buds Unsure " and it links to another page with the headline Palin Divides Women Voters , Even Her Closest Friends . Then below that is the subhead ' In an Exclusive " GMA " Interview , Friends of Sarah Palin Say They Disagree on Some Issues . ' The first two headlines make it sound like they disagree on everything and then the subhead softens it a bit . There 's a video of the interview on the web page . They make you watch an advertisement first but it isn 't too long . Just make sure you don 't click next page while the video is playing or you have to watch an ad again when you try to back up . The group calls themselves the " Elite Six " but the name seems more harmless fun poking than serious arrogance . I assume Palin would be number five and there 's no explanation where or who number six is or why she 's missing . I found it interesting because the headlines and the buildup on GMA made me think that Sarah 's closest friends were really going to be disrespecting ( can 't bring myself to use dissing ) their " friend . " But the actual interview seemed pretty innocuous to me . Two of the friends were pro - abortion and mentioned that . One of those also disagreed with Palin 's position on Polar Bears . There was one definite vote for Palin and one " I 'm not telling " and two " I 've not made up my mind . " I was interested in the issue of relationship versus political doctrine . I 've posted about this issue before in a blog entry titled " Relationship or doctrine ? " So that interest and at I suppose more properly my history with dogs maybe . We ( my birth family that is ) always had dogs around . One , the first one , was a gift . All the others were castaways that city folk dropped off at our corner along with their trash when we were still in the country . Once we found enough information from the trash to give it to the sheriff 's office . I don 't know if anything was done or not . The maximum penalty back then was some kind of relatively small fine so I guess it wouldn 't have been a big deal to them . I remember the person was a successful and educated person who had a nice home at a city address . I wanted the Sheriff to make him come pick up the trash . As it was we ended up doing it . We did that a lot . There 's something about people that live in cities I think that makes them disrespectful of people who live in the country . The other day some woman came by and wanted to use my mother - in - law 's barn as a backdrop for photographs . Well , it was rather inconvenient and permission was not granted . The woman was just aghast and exclaimed how much she loved that barn and so on . Would you stop in town and ask someone if you could take pictures of their backyard ? I wouldn 't . But back to dogs . The first one I remember from my childhood was a collie named Sandy . She ran across the road not long after we moved to the farm and was killed by a car . The car was being driven by the neighbor boy who is about 12 or 13 years older than I am . It was devastating to him . I think I was too young to have understood what happened . The next one I recall was Buster , a black and white spaniel . Dad always said he thought Buster was maybe a springer spaniel but he was more Cocker from pictures . Probably he wasn 't full spaniel though . I don 't know what kind of dog he was exactly but I do know that he was my really good buddy . He accompanied me everywhere including many adventures to the creek and way out into the pasture and on many crawls under the house and in the hay in the barn . All of our other dogs were girls . Dad named them all Lady . at |
Thank you for your latest shipment . It was just what I needed . My sister was thrilled with the katana , and intends to use it regularly . I did pass on your warning about katanas being far less effective than they appear to be in movies and video games , but she didn 't seem to care . I 'm caught between worrying she 'll get killed when it breaks at a critical moment or fall into a funk and be impossible to deal with for a week . To answer your question , things are heating up here , but are still under control . A storm is brewing , and things that would stay away have been gravitating closer . It isn 't the other practitioners at work . I can 't help but imagine savvy crows lurking near a place that will soon be a battlefield . Your offer for help is appreciated , but wouldn 't go over well . I don 't know about the other locals , but Sandra has made it clear she knows who you are and would rather you stay away . When you next collect from the black stipend , can you put some of it toward a bid for plastic explosive , low priority . While you 're in that neighborhood , can you double check the rocket fund ? I could use the extra firepower if things go south . I 've finished the wiring on the radio . It 's a week earlier than you asked for . Recording and live feed options . The live feed will kill batteries , so I included some with a good lifespan to them just in case , in a second routing . To activate the hidden camera , use a pen or something else to depress the space between the AM and FM buttons . I 'm interested in hearing if you can see the camera lens without turning it on . Reminder : your average practitioner will be able to look and see if something 's watching them , even if it 's a camera . It 's a little heavy too , thanks to the extra batteries , you might want to watch out for that . I opened it to dig out the extra battery and live feed . Too much of a giveaway . The detail work and hidden lens were good as they were , much better than anything my hands can do . I can put just about any gun or an engine back together , but I can 't put tiny holes in the front of a plastic radio without making a hash of it . Don 't worry about the camera being seen . It 's not for any wizards or whatchits . One of my crew has been acting funny . Whole reason you 're supposed to operate in larger groups . More eyes . He 's still got his senses , but he 's dodging the cameras he knows about . Might be drugs , might be witchery . Might be he 's a clever something else who took his memories along with his face . I 'd leave it like it is and keep an eye on him , but my ex dropped the kids off ( here of all places ! ) and I saw the man talking with them . It 's enough to concern , if he 's unsafe . We 've got a new recruit , about your age , and you know I like to be careful with the trainees . Too easy for bad influence to take hold as they mature . I 'm not specifically naming your sister here . Not specifically . The kids are fine . Thanks for asking . Long winter 's getting to them . They only get a few hours of daylight that isn 't seeing them stuck inside a classroom . I do what I have to , and they do their thing . Keep me motivated , pop into my mind when it 's down to the wire and I need to dig up a bit more something to push through . The quartet in ' Magog picked up all the C4 we had to dole out before I could get your bid in . Supplies are running low , with the last source we had getting arrested . I know you said Eva was messing around with your grenades , and I know Mac taught you how to rig a daisy chain pin pull . I stuck a belt of pineapples in your shipment . I can 't imagine it 's unwanted . Rocket ? I have serious reservations about giving you that RPG launcher , boy . Either you 're using it , and I don 't think you 're equipped for it , or your sister is using it , and we 're talking a slew of other problems . Consider asking for help instead . Offer still stands . I trust your sensibility , Andy boy . If you think you need seven ( now eight ) good witch hunters to cut down the riff raff , you know we 're good for it . We 're all in this together , Andy boy . You two , me and my guys , the Magog nuts , the Montreal organization . You know those files that Mac always had us fill out ? Wouldn 't mind seeing your best attempt at one . I 'm particularly interested in just how much danger you think you 're in . A big part of the reason we interact is to share knowledge . If you or Eva get yourselves into trouble , the rest of us need the details to walk into that situation with our eyes open . The diary section . Having sat here trying to figure out what I should do , I can 't help but see the open book and know I really should . If anyone picks up the top book off the stack of volumes , I 'll say here what I said before . I was never good at this . Eva 's better at it than I am , which is weird , since I 'm the book guy . She tape records it , but she still does the personal diary bits pretty consistently . I think my problem is that I think too much . Most of us who start this when we 're kids , we don 't live long enough to leave anyone behind . Humans have an instinctive desire to leave a legacy . I don 't like myself enough to want to leave anything of myself behind . Grade schoolers in Joanna 's classroom reported a shallow puddle in the woods east of school . Stones and branches that were dropped into the puddle disappeared , leaving no trace , only muddy clouds . Children were joking about pushing each other in , or threatening to throw the boots or hats of others into the muddle . Joanna was unable to show us the way . My suspicion is that the puddle noted her approach . Contacted young neighbor and got directions . Eva and I went to look . The puddle was a manifestation of a frog spirit . We rigged a treated wire snare for a countermeasure , and Eva stood by with a weapon . We disrupted the manifestation to raise the frog spirit , and killed it with a treated wire snare . Our resources aren 't fleshed out enough to identify it in more detail or look up why . I received mail from Samaniego two days ago , and I 've been meaning to respond . Tomorrow . Am tired after two long hikes past the school in one day . I 've attached backups of all my files . See . crypt 1 through 26 and ' 27incomplete ' . You 'll need a program to open them . I included a notepad document with some directions on how to get that program . I wanted to protect all exchanges - to access pages where you and I exchanged correspondence , you or I would have to supply the password . The same goes for my conversations with Creevey . Your offer for help is appreciated and accepted . I would still ask you to please steer clear of Jacob 's Bell . My need for help takes another form . If your trainee is still there , I would very much appreciate if you could have her set up something online for sharing information . A slow but steady stream of guests have been arriving over the past week , and I can 't keep up , going at the rate I have been . Eva 's fine , Eva runs on instinct , but I need to research what we 're up against , so I at least know what to steer her away from . Eva and I would very much like to have our rocket launcher . I talked about it with her , in the sense of the general situation , and she agreed . No jokes , no apparent manipulation . I think she realizes that things are getting more dangerous , and recognizes the need for more firepower . If the two of you are on the same page , yeah , I 'll go with it . I 've asked around about your weapon , and passed on the files . The others will get back to you . Met with the unnamed practitioner , placed tape with conversation transcript in the Holt file . We left on amiable terms , despite Eva 's initially hostile response ( threatening to shoot the practitioner ) . I 'm concerned about Eva , and it 's not something I can address with Mac , Creevey or the Magog group . We walked different paths from the beginning . Different forms of training , different amounts of time spent with Mac 's group , Creevey , in Halifax , and with the talons in Rhode Island . They trained us in all the basics , but they emphasized our strengths too . While I was learning to use a hunting rifle , Eva was hunting goblins with a sword in hand . While I was learning about the basic principles of the practice in Halifax , Eva was in London , Ontario , doing god knows what . We had two jobs on behalf of the council , keeping things tidy while they get their ducks in a row . Non - allied threats are still lingering . Goblins are supposed to sleep for sixteen to twenty - two hours a day , but I 've noticed goblins have been more awake and active than that . Ghosts are cropping up , and they should be quieter than they are . Old echoes are stirring . Things move so slowly that we don 't see the gradual changes , but the monsters who live for centuries do . I 've wondered for a long time why the monsters gather in the same places the practitioners do . The obvious answer is that the practitioners follow where the monsters are , drawing on the power the monsters can give them . But I don 't think that 's it . The monsters should want to avoid the practitioners , who are the best equipped to bind them . The second answer is that monsters are practitioners . We know about some cases . See Mara in the files for Jacob 's Bell . It 's a common theory with Faerie , and obviously the likes of vampires and werewolves , which are much rarer and more monstrous than conventional media would have us believe . Again , it 's an answer , but it doesn 't feel like ~ the ~ answer . This is a thought I 'm putting together as I put pen to paper , something I 've thought about in the shower , but what if the monsters are following practitioners because there 's some fallout we 're not fully aware of ? What if we 're gouging reality ? I sit in on the council meetings , because I don 't trust Eva to go alone , and I won 't stop her from seeing what she views as ' the drama ' . I watch Sandra and Johannes interact , and I see them practicing . A part of me wonders , are each of those displays generating some attention ? Are some or all of the monsters detecting magic in the air like sharks in the water detecting magical signals or sniff out blood ? They become a little less human over time . They make compromises , and they might unwittingly be inviting the monsters into Jacob 's Bell . Sandra does it because it 's the way it has always been done in her family . Johannes does it with the future in mind . Both do it to be on top . I think about that . The selfish actions , and the unwitting damage they may be causing . I don 't like it , but I have to keep doing what I do . Eva is all about action . She doesn 't like to sit still , and when she does , she turns on the television and tunes into something that lets her turn her brain off . Or blares music so loud that thinking is impossible . For a long time , she was better than me . Maybe she still is , standalone . If Sandra needed to die , I think Eva could do it . I could do it too , but not without drawing on expensive tools , planning for days or a week . In the middle of the day , we had to deal with a gnome or brownie or fairy - cousin of some sort . A little person disguised as one of us , going door to door with a clipboard . There was something questionable in the fine print . The rules are strict when it comes to going after the regular people . Our hunt wasn 't successful . It was fast , it was tricky , and we weren 't coordinated enough . It was one of the monsters that 's been around so long it knows most of the conventional tricks . Eva and I both had guns . Shotguns with rock salt for a ghost . Not perfect , but it slowed it down . The echo went as quickly as it 'd resurfaced . The thought hit me that I 'm just as bad as she is . To want to get arrested . To have it end . Knowing that she 's behind bars , and so am I , and the responsibility is over . No caring for the sister who trained in how to fight monsters and became one . Just me , a prison cell , and a book . The promise to Mac still holds . He was my teacher . More of a dad than anyone was to me . I owe him too much . As infuriating as Eva can be , Mac saved her for me . Mac saved me from me . He saved my parents , even if it was with an ice pick through the temple . I know we haven 't been in contact , but three people have been in touch with me in the past week , asking my advice in identifying the creatures you 've described this past week . Rather than let the irritations continue , I 'm going to the source . You 'll have ten deliveries in the next two weeks . Boxes of books . My secondhand tomes . I 've already marked some pages where you raised questions or named details , my best guesses , off the top of my head . Please tell your teenaged witch hunter peers to stop pestering me about the computer nonsense . The files that went missing seem to have something to do with the younger Rose . They cover the point in time when Rose Thorburn the younger replaced Molly Walker . Trickery , or did the universe want to erase traces ? Even my memories of Rose are fuzzy and nonspecific . It feels somehow like it 's the first time I 'm seeing her face . She brought a cabal with her , and they look fairly new to all this . It reminds me of me , back when I started the training with Mac . Every monster was a whole different kind of frightening . Molly Walker was like that up until the end . Rose feels different than when she left , somehow . Now , as I think about how her predecessor handled everything … I think about how Rose coped , and I wonder ' how did she handle it ? ' and I can 't come up with much . Eight threats targeted and chased down in the past week . Eight victories . I even allowed myself to get excited about it , as we found our stride . Eva in close , drawing attention , me at a distance . She 's listening to me more , even . It 's always been her propensity to ignore people she doesn 't agree with . I think she agrees with how we 're doing things now . Block escape routes with traps , wait until they 're in the right position , then attack . Things aren 't fixed . She 's still more reckless than she once was . It helps that we have less administrative work , with Mags taking on the messenger duties , standing by at meetings . She doesn 't have a lot of firepower , but there 's a symbolic element to it . We remain ninety percent positive that one bogeyman we dealt with was attached to Rose . Testing the water , seeing how responsive we were . We crossed paths a few days later , and it felt like she was showing me just a bit more respect . It 's now impossible to keep track of the local guests . No less than twelve practitioners under Sandra , twenty monsters working for or doing favors for Johannes . I 'm getting four hours of sleep a night , staying up reading , and sleeping in thirty minute bursts during the day to keep going , but I have more drive than I had when I was sleeping twice the amount . One Nightmare - type monster was invading dreams . Targeting normals . Not affiliated with Johannes or Sandra . Found wandering the streets in a human guise , spotted through the trickery with innocence , cut down with katana . Junior council pointed us at a new child at school . We followed . No parents or furniture in house , never slept - only stood in the house . Executed quietly , no blood was drawn by cuts . Plant matter at core . Arrogant practitioner among first outsiders to make open bid for leadership . Small bomb under seat of car . Sandra and Duncan , the new police liason , diverted attention of authorities . Backwards Man required special means of tracking , as the human - like monster functioned by operating backwards in time . Wounds occurred in his future , our past , making it impossible to make anything stick . Came after us with knives . I distracted while Eva slipped by to invade his apartment . Destroyed the object at the crux of his nature . Investigation into ties to local Chronomancers was initiated and dismissed . Practitioner was posing as a tertiary member of the Duchamp family . Sandra 's records showed no such evidence of marriage . Simply trying to hide in the background . I took him down with the second shot from 150m range with a hunting rifle . Mags entered the church . Molly ' walked ' a half - step behind her . Not quite floating , not quite walking , not walking like someone would walk on the moon either . She didn 't really have feet , either . Andy looked at Duncan . As factions went , Duncan was a non - player . Or he wanted everyone else to think so . The real risks were the two people who were in Duncan 's company right now . A young and talented chronomancer , and an older member of the family . " I really did want to support you , " Sandra said . " But you 're making it hard . You 've upset your neutral position . If we don 't challenge you for a flagrant violation , picking one side in the conflict , then our word is worth less . " Andy made a note in his book . Not an entry , but something to inform his entry when he wrote it . Besides , it gave him something to do with his hands . " Not death . But removed from the family all the same . A loss , a sacrifice all the same , a child sent away , never to return ? " " No , " Sandra said . " I don 't swear . I don 't have a child of my own to give up , and I suspect I 'd struggle to find a mother who 's willing . It 's only a thought . " " This is the way it always happens , " Molly said . " My grandmother , my parents , my aunts and uncles . They 're greedy , selfish , they refuse to face the consequences . Those consequences get passed on to the young . " The wraith 's voice echoed through the church , " I can 't promise you 'll walk away unscathed , but I won 't come for you , murderer . The others , the old ones … they have to face what they did . The city does . " " Balls . " Mags said , accepting . " I tried . I could 've contained her , kept her calm . But she 's too angry . I would have left her behind , but she 's tied to me by blood . I didn 't think she 'd be this angry , after I 'd calmed her down a little … " " I am being careful . I see her , hear her breathing , smell her , feel her , " the satyr said . He smiled wickedly , " I could taste her . " The Satyr scooped up Rose , showing an easy sort of strength . Rose 's head lolled , arms dangling at her sides . Her fingers moved unconsciously , as if she were dreaming . Jeremy looked down at Ty . " Let 's not subject the young man to that . Search the cabinets . Be wary of traps , sniff first , check the surroundings , communicate with those near you so they know what you 're doing . " " We can talk when I 'm done . If you want to leave , I won 't try and stop you . Arcas , do me a favor and lay that mirror flat on the ground , very carefully . Don 't let it face anyone , and leave the cloth in place . Maybe use a cord or your own shirt to tie the sheet in place , to be sure . " He opened the drawers of the desk he 'd just chained Rose to . He pulled them out of the desk altogether , checking the bottoms , and then stacked them on the desk 's edge , one by one . " Aurope , take these through to the nearest empty room , stack them out of sight . " One of the maenads hurried to obey , carrying drawers that were stacked one on top of the other , three high . I had a glimpse of the contents as she approached me . Old pens , including fountain pens with stylized tips , letter openers , a syringe , and bottles of ink , with tidy little scrolls of paper . " Can 't , " he said . He was talking like he had his mouth full . Drunker than I was . I wasn 't sure how that really worked , since he had a beak , not lips , and his ' speech ' was something else entirely , but whatever . He added , " Not good . " " No , " I said , clenching my hands . As fuzzy as some of my senses were around the edges , my voice was still clear , at least . " It really isn 't . " " Bring the bird here , Metrodora " Jeremy said . " I 'll be with you in a moment , mirror man . If you 're willing to stay there and cooperate , we can negotiate . If you want to leave , that 's fine as well . Right this moment , though , I need to secure things here . " " Yes . Arcas , when I anoint the circle , I want you to drop the book on top , carefully . It 's like a lid . A container within a container . I 'll say a prayer over it to seal it for a third layer of protection . " I couldn 't find anything sharp in my little patch of world . The drawers were in darkness , leaving me unable to retrieve the mirror equivalents of tools Aurope had carried away . Why did the furniture in this house have to be so solid ? Rhetorical question . I suspected I knew why : the occupants had long been anticipating something like a siege or something within the house wanting to get out . Every little bit mattered . " My power for you ! " I said . But Evan was already free , flying through the gap in between the box and the approaching lid . He plunged past the border of the circle , stray feathers scattering as if he were scraping against something that wasn 't even there . The ensuing flight was ungainly , devoid of coordination and straight lines , like a sloppy paper airplane that just happened to be flapping its wings . He turned , flapping wildly in some attempt to stop or stall his forward movement . He succeeded in only making a sharp right , sharp left , and then hit the mirror . He dropped out of my field of view . The second floor had only a few pictures and windows . Less than there had been the last time I 'd been there . I headed straight for the first floor , instead . Evan turned , bumping the wall as he rounded the bend in the staircase . He managed to fold his wing in before he collided , keeping it from snapping or breaking . He didn 't start flapping until he was far enough away from the wall , and his reactions were slow . He nearly hit the ground before he managed to fly again . He clipped the couch as he turned , spiraling violently before he managed to get his bearings . Having learned from his mistake upstairs , he didn 't try to perch or stop abruptly . He set himself down , legs pulled up against his body , and coasted on the hardwood , spinning in a half - circle as he slid . He came to a stop with his back to me . He was darker around some of the edges , as though feathers were stained . He really had taken in a bit of me . A bit of the Drains . I pressed my hand against the window . I closed my eyes . " Spirits , I know I 'm not a practitioner , but I could use help . As you managed the giving , please take . Give me the poisons that course through Evan Matthieu 's - " " - body . Let me be the one who is drunk on the priest 's illusions . I offer power , and I offer it knowing I might permanently change as a consequence . " The satyr leaped onto the bookshelf , hands and feet on the individual shelves . The maenad wasn 't far behind . One hand groped in the gap for Evan . I saw only the paleness of his feathered belly as he squirmed his way to the side , moving to the far end of the long row of bookshelves . " I now invoke all the powers and knowledge personally taught to me by my grandmother , " I said , speaking low and grave . " I call on the instructions she gave me in this very room , the words she gently imparted to me in the antechamber upstairs . I call on the tutorings of demons she summoned on my behalf , everything that was given to me so I might know the words to speak to kill a god . " They weren 't keen on closing the distance and getting stabbed like the greater maenad had . Killia or whatever her name had been . The maenad grabbed a book instead . An old leather - bound dictionary with gold at the edges of the pages . The sort that predated the internet , a one - stop place to find any given word . I was glad it had worked . If I 'd merely dropped the book instead of bringing it with me , I would 've had to catch the next one , throwing it back blind in the same motion , before the window finished breaking . Less effective . " There 's some stuff with the deeb - diabluh - the evil books . Pack of dust stuff , uh , powder . Some more in the shelves . cards . She didn 't even tell the others , but I sleep in there and I preted 'd to sleep and watched . She doesn 't want ' em to tamper with any of it . " " There was this big bang , and then bluh , " Evan said . " Couldn 't see , couldn 't stand . Rose said to go in the library and then tried to close the door with Tiff . The crow man said somethin ' … " " Yeah . Corb - Crow man said somethin ' and Rose was scared . She banshid ' him instead of fin ' shin ' the door . Tiv and Ty didn 't get the door closed , and then it all went fuzzy . " " This is been ' drunk ? Bluh , " he said . " What 's wrong with people ? Why would you want this ? Can 't even fly proper . " The maenad was watching us . Her eyes moved from me to Evan as we talked . She was following the conversation . The satyr looked like it had a little more control of its faculties than it had . A fast healer ? " I need a mirror , " I said . " Something that can be carried . I need you to think . Have you seen any kind of compact or hand mirror with Rose , Tiff or Alexis ' stuff , in the bathroom ? Grandmother 's stuff , even ? " In a way , my short skirmish with the elder maenad had been helpful . While it had broken a dozen pieces of glass , it had scattered that glass over the floor upstairs . It had also given me a very practical way of assessing just how my particular relationship to the mirror world worked . The speed I could move , the way the worlds came apart . Evan would be on the second floor , checking the bathroom . The problem with the second floor was that my short skirmish had destroyed just about every reflective surface . Only a couple of small picture frames remained , as well as the mirror in the bathroom . She was staying low , moving on all fours with about the same ease and speed that I might move on two . Muscles stood tense in her arms and legs , her eyes bloodshot . At this height , I couldn 't quite reach her . I 'd miss like I had before . I wasn 't sure I could get ahead of her to hit her the next time either . " Free Rose , free the others , or uncover the mirror in there , " I said . " Hold off on the traps until I say , unless you don 't see any other option . If you can , get close to Jeremy , give me the word , I 'll stab . " Then , just as quick , he soared higher . The image reflected in the compact mirror was a bird 's eye view of the library . I saw tracts of detail , and areas of nothingness where surfaces weren 't captured in the mirror . Reflected , I could make out Rose , still in the chair by the desk , Jeremy , and my friends , with a satyr and maenad standing nearby . The satyr was holding a leather thong . A sling . He 'd then broken the one mirror that held me while they removed the cloth , moving me to the nearest available surface , the one inside the circle . Maybe he 'd closed it after . Maybe he hadn 't needed to . " I had a plan , Blake , " she said . " Those three know it . Evan knows it , even if he doesn 't always get it . " " I set up a dead man 's switch , " Rose said . " Me and Barbatorem . If I die , he 's going to get out . While you were breaking windows downstairs , I was talking with Jeremy . It 's not a victory on either side , but it 's - " " If he had to walk away , it would be a loss , " Rose said . " As it stands , I 'm giving up some things , and he 's leaving me and the others alone . The house doesn 't have barriers , so it 'll be tough at first , but … we 're okay . We were going to be okay from the start . " " You , " she said . " I gave him what he needed to bind you , told them how to disarm the traps Evan knew about . At the end of the day , they only want things to be manageable . I made them pay me for it , in a roundabout way . Deflected their first move . They also wanted me to agree to certain terms of war . I 've accepted this time . " " I know , " she said . " They know . Do you think we 've been sitting on our hands , while I slowly went crazy ? We discussed it , we talked it over . We have all these books , you don 't think we have a way to break Conquest 's hold ? We decided to keep it . It 's a power source . So long as I 'm sure to spend it regularly , he doesn 't get too much of a grip on me . " " We can 't move you easily , " Rose said . She turned the mirror until it faced the wall , not the bookshelves . " This will have to do . " " It 's best if we don 't tell you , " Rose said . " As I was saying , we can 't move you easily . If you 're willing to be quiet and not kick up too much of a fuss , we can leave this like it is . If you make a problem of it , then I 'll have to put down a rune of silence , or maybe even erect a temporary wall . I don 't want to do that . " The old me would have , as far as I was ' old ' at all . The ' me ' that I 'd been around the time that I 'd approached Evan , up until Ur had inadvertently cast me into the Drains . I 'd been getting more confident , and my ' trust my gut ' approach to this whole thing had given me momentum , while leading me headlong into disaster . But that wasn 't a long - term solution . I 'd have their attention . But what would I do after that ? I couldn 't fight . I could maybe break glass , maybe reach through like Rose had . I had limited means of attack , and I was more vulnerable than they were , to boot . Worse , I knew that doing what she 'd done had taken a lot out of Rose . She 'd recovered . I didn 't recover so much as I changed . Those changes led down a road . If I lost something , there was no guarantee I could replenish it . I moved past Sandra , skipping across patches of light , barely paying her any mind . Had people been able to see , they might have been able to make me out in the mirrors . Stepping into view , glancing around the surroundings , then disappearing , moving on . I pushed myself away , breaking into a run . I headed in the direction I 'd last seen Mags walking : directly south of Hillsglade House , toward the lake . The idea had been that they 'd have some space to chat , and heading that way meant they were downplaying the risk of running into locals . I 'd headed west from that point , to the other end of the narrow beach , where the skating rink had been put together . I found Mags in Molly 's company , at the lakeside . Mags still had the mirror , tucked into the back of her jeans . They hadn 't killed each other , and didn 't look prepared to . Molly had settled in form . The flickers persisted at the edges , but her body remained stable , with only tearing at the edges . Her features had distorted , not leaving her unrecognizable , but still a little hollowed out , twisted . " I 'd help if I could , but I don 't know what I can do , " I said . " You should get over there , so you can speak in your own defense . Or run , or whichever . " " Or … something , " I said . " Fuck . This is a joint attack , they don 't want Rose helping you , so they 're attacking Hillsglade . " " You can 't do anything here either , " she said . " You 're doing less than nothing . You 're feeding Molly . She calmed down after you left . " I looked at Molly . Though she hung her head , as though she were facing the ground , her eyes were on me . Her shoulders were too slouched . Her hands a bit too long , her clothes tattered and dark at the edges . " I guess we 'll find out , " she said . " Go . Handle that first . If I 'm due some payback for what I did , I 'll face it and I 'll fight every frigging step of the way . " I started to go , then stopped . I looked at Molly . " I remember telling you that if you needed help , you should call me . I know that didn 't happen for real , but … " It rippled through the city , and it set the windows and mirrors to shuddering . It rolled through me , a shockwave without any physical force at all . It didn 't push me or knock me off my feet , and it didn 't stir my hair , but I still felt as though I might have been collapsing or bleeding from every orifice if I 'd happened to be flesh and blood . I could smell it on the air , stronger with every passing second . Like smoke and dust after a bomb had hit . The smell was sharp , like overripe fruit and a room where there had been a little too much sex and sweat , without sufficient washing of sheets . It smelled warm . " That would have been warning you , " I said . " And if you 're colluding with Thorburns , as your relationship with Molly suggests , that means they might see telling you as a risk that they 'd tip Rose off . I 've got to go . " It wasn 't a long trip . Three paces , leaping across darkness . Another five paces , this time taking a route that took me away from the house , but positioned me for another step across the reflective surfaces , jumping a considerable distance in the process . The interior of the house was no longer dark , but had a peculiar hue , like the light was shining off wine red and gold surfaces . The smell was thick , The barriers had been breached . The tail end of Jeremy Meath 's group was still making its way into the house . They moved as a group , fanning out through the rooms . Whatever Jeremy had done here , calling his god in to ram down the metaphorical gate , it had changed the atmosphere fairly dramatically . The air was heavy , even on my side of the mirrors , thick as though the place had filled with smoke , the smell of incense and faint perfumes joining the smells that had wafted out as far as the lakeside . The lighting was skewed , and the impact of the divine act had knocked books from their shelves , unsettling and moving furniture . I saw two women climbing over and under a tipped - over bookshelf in the hallway . In this light of red and gold tints , I could see their real features . Their facial and bone structure was different , though not unpleasant . Their movements were languid , as they easily crawled across the spaces , as if they were simultaneously very flexible and very strong . " I can smell them , " a satyr spoke . He had full - size ram 's horns on his head , hair spilling down thick and coarse over his shoulders and back , but the horns were heavy , and his legs those of a goat , his body perpetually leaning forward . One hand rested on his knee , while his horned head swung ponderously from left to right . " They smell scared . " I had a better look of him as he turned my way . The satyr 's nose was flat and wide , his eyes narrow . He was muscular , but he had a barrel chest . If satyrs were supposed to be expressions of male fertility , this guy must have been created when unibrows were considered sexy . A little different from the other Satyrs , who blended the qualities of beast and man in a kinder , more artistic way . They stood straight , they didn 't slouch . They looked more boyish . Not quite modern - day male models , but all were guys I imagined could hit on women at bars with some success . " They 're here somewhere , " he said . " A treat to whoever finds them first . I don 't want to ask for help if he thinks we can manage it ourselves with the resources we have at hand . " " I can , " the Maenad leader said , as she reached the top of the stairs . She had the fluid strength of the lion , the snake around her shoulders , the features of both on her face , her eyes bloodshot . She panted , nostrils flaring . " I want that reward . " Strong as the maenad was , and as quick as the snake might be , she was using the one arm to support half of the weight of a snake that could have weighed a hundred or more pounds . Her strength didn 't break the laws of physics . When I moved her arm , it swung , as the snake adjusted for the movement . My travel from one pane of glass to another was nearly instantaneous . She matched me in speed . By the time I arrived in the next picture , her clawed hand was already slashing toward me , skin marred by a dozen light scratches . She didn 't give me a chance to think , much less act to stop her . She came after me , moving to hit the surfaces I occupied . Every wall was littered with pictures of nature and sublime landscapes , and she seemed to increase in speed as she found me in each one , hitting a picture before the glass had finished falling to the floor from the last . I wasn 't able to ground myself . Something felt wrong with my body . I was in an unfamiliar hostile environment , and it took me a second too long to reach the next place . I didn 't have time to run . I thrust out with the Hyena instead , stabbing at one of the reaching hands . The blade penetrated the glass , and I felt it make contact . He turned until we were facing one another . His maenad lowered her head until her forehead rested on Jeremy 's shoulder , still panting , fingers held in a claw - like position to the point that the straining of her fingers made them each move independently , as if she couldn 't hold them completely still . The wounded hand bled , blood dripping down her fingers . " You came after me in Toronto , " I said . I thought back to the conversation and intimacy I 'd seen just a short while ago . " I believe it was on Sandra 's behalf ? " " I 'll give you a little lesson then , no reciprocation asked for , " I said . " When a demon is abstract , it 's not necessarily bound to all the normal rules we are , in terms of shape , state , time or place . With me so far ? " " Try , " I said . " Commit this to memory . Of the two abstract demons I 've met , both followed the same minor rule . If you see it in a reflective surface , that 's because it occupies that surface . Your eye is reflective , Jeremy . The eyes of your minions serve too . Look directly at it , and it has you , and it isn 't ever letting go . " Give Jeremy a cookie . He didn 't look half as scared as even his murderous maenad did . She didn 't move her head , but her eyes widened . The others reacted , looking at one another . I shook my head . My vision wavered . I was feeling the influence of this heavy perfume , smoke , blood , and wine that all sat so thick in the air . " Not lying . If I am telling a deliberate falsehood , I give your god permission to strike me down . " " Last I saw , it was in the house , " I said . I decided to bend the truth . " It can 't leave . I would like to keep you from leaving with it , accidentally or otherwise . That 's in my top five concerns right now . " " It 's scarier than the demon in the factory , " I said . " As rankings for demons go , it 's few steps up . I don 't like Rose , but I trust her not to fuck that up . You … I 'm much less inclined to trust your lot to keep from accidentally fucking up . When I killed the snake , I was protecting all of us . " " I have my own responsibilities , " he said . " When I wield power , it isn 't with lines on the floor and carefully worded contracts . I only ask . I can change the wording , pick the phrasing , decide the poetry of it , and read old texts , from my god 's days of glory . But when I want to practice , I only speak . A single word will suffice . " He continued , " My challenge is to show I 'm worthy . In the heat of the moment , I don 't need to do anything special . Outside of those moments , I have to curry favor . There aren 't any gauges , no measurements I can take . I have to watch for signs and trust him to show me his pleasure or displeasure . If I overstep , asking too much for how little favor I have , he may punish me . If I hold his favor but do not spend it , he might revoke it . " " Yes , " Jeremy Meath told me . " That snake was his . You killed it . You maimed his servant 's hand . For all intents and purposes , there is a gun pressed to your head as we speak . There has been since you hurt that snake . " " I 'm not concerned with upsetting Rose , " he said . " I want to find her and her cabal . Now , second try . Where is the Thorburn Cabal ? " " She 's in an area that , as I understand it , involves warped space , " I said . " One step to the side , and , how did you put it ? Above us ? " I could see his jaw set , eyes narrowing . There was no softness in his face , however worn and rumpled he might otherwise look . How could a priest of drunken merriment and debauchery look so joyless and cold ? " What do you think I did , mirror man ? " he asked . " I needed to disarm the diabolist and her cabalists of their greatest weapon , which we just talked about , and I needed access . My god granted me both with one fell stroke . " " She won 't , not anytime soon , " the priest answered me . " My god is a god of madness and drink . She 'll be insensate , for now . " " It 's not that simple . When my god created this situation , he posed a challenge to me . If he simply gave me what I needed , what would that be worth ? I have to work for it a little . His era of gods are especially fond of making the little mortals dance , " Jeremy said . " If I walk away from that challenge and fail to dance , I disappoint him . " " I think you might be right , mirror man . There 's a reason I 'm here . When someone like Sandra , the departed Laird Behaim , or even Conquest do battle with a diabolist , they 're busy trying to win , while the diabolist knows they can win . It 's merely a question of how little that diabolist can get away with losing in the process . " He continued , " But the mindset is still there . If you two truly needed to , you could call in a favor , call a name , find a book , or remember an author 's name from one of your books and chase it down . With your diabolist , you can theoretically pick up the raw firepower you need to remove every single one of your enemies from the table . But you don 't . We have to hold back , because the price is often too high to pay . " " Okay , " he said . He shifted his weight , and his injured maenad backed off a bit , giving him space . " Right now , we 're playing a game of chicken . Rather than an onrushing car or train , there 's a diabolist of impaired faculties in the building . It would not be surprising if she woke up and then acted with her faculties thus impaired . " " As an optimist , you would have the advantage . Maybe she 'll simply sleep it off . Maybe she 'll act benevolently . As her ally , too , the odds are with you . She 's more likely to come after me than she is to hurt you , am I right ? " " If you crack first , you might well show me the way to her . I would try to be fair . Killing her would only transfer ownership to the next heir . We don 't want that . I don 't want to hurt or kill her cabalists either . We can keep her and you contained and organize your release from captivity when the Lordship is settled and full attention can be devoted to the dangerous diabolist and her mirror - dwelling pet . " " Or I crack . I call on my god to show the way , and in the doing , I disarm myself of my primary source of power . You hurt the snake , and that counts a great deal against you . I could probably assume that 's enough that he 'd grant me the favor , despite the disappointment in me . But probably isn 't certainty , and I 'd normally be unwilling to call on my god for three great acts in a single week , let alone a day . " I just had to reach the handle before they got close enough to see me and what I was doing . The benefits of being inside a reflected surface . If I couldn 't , I could run . I could get help . |
Thursday consisted of similar activities as did Friday . On Friday evening I left camp with Ashley and headed to her house in Long Island . We ate McDonalds in the car on the way home before arriving at her house at around 9pm . I immediately planted myself in her bed and found it very difficult to move from that spot . Later on in the evening one of Ashley 's closest friends came over with a friend of his ( Chris and Mac , like Mac and Cheese - I found that funny ! ) . Chris was what I can only describe as your stereotypical frat boy . They both said ' YO ' after pretty much every sentence and I began to find it funny . As we arrived at our pizza destination we went to find a parking spot but was rudely interpreted by a mass fighting session . Very large , what I assume were American men , just starting flailing their fists at each other in an attempt to severely harm one another . Sat in the safety of the car , mouth slightly ajar , I began to laugh at how ridiculous the whole thing was . Shimmying forward slightly we were able to make it past the fighting gang in order to park . As we walked down the street people were trying to break up the fight to our right whilst a man on our left sat on a wall reading a book with the strangest smile on his face . I mean , who on earth sits on a wall , at gone midnight , casually reading a book whilst a fight occurs on the opposite side of the street ? ! I couldn 't quite grasp the events that occurred and I still look back with utter wonderment at who the book reading , smiling man was . I sort of think you have to have seen the man to realise how strange the whole situation was . This man was surely from another planet or something ! ! ! ! We crossed the road and I began to excitedly walk to the pizza shop until I was interrupted , yet again , by another outburst from the big bald American fighters . One man went a little far by grabbing a small blonde and forcing her to cross the road . The poor girl started screaming and tried to put a stop to him picking her up by putting her feet on the floor . The strength of him and the size of her plus her very high heels just did not help matters and she ended up being dropped on her bum in the middle of the road , for all to see . The next day we traveled 2 hours to the New Jersey , 6 flags theme park . What a day ! I still , to this day , do not know how the three of them managed to get me on the rides . I am not a roller coaster person . They are just so fast and I definitely could not breath whilst I was whizzed aimlessly around . Some even went upside down ! I found closing my eyes and yelling at Ashley the whole way round was the best way to get through it . Sunday was a long day and I don 't think I have ever been as tired . I was so tired I nearly started crying whilst I stood taking pictures of all the kids embracing their parents in humongous hugs . I miss the famalam ! Sucking it up I continued to wonder round the tents taking pictures of all the families that had descended on our camp . After lunch I was required to stand and direct cars out of camp . It is amazing how difficult that job was , simply because no one listened or looked at my very clear arm directions . Then the rain came and I was all lovely and soaked by the end of the day , in need of a hot shower and a comfy bed . During the week all the Israeli staff worked hard to put together a whole day of activities for the campers . In the morning everyone gathered in the Eddie Canter theatre and watched them perform a little skit . I found it hilarious as the majority of it consisted of them taking the mic out of all the American and English staff . I love the Israelis ! I proceeded to take photographs all day and in the evening the Isreali Friendship Caravan people came to perform . They danced and sang and one even managed to pull me onto the stage to dance with him . It was very awkward because of my awful dancing abilities ! On Friday , I took pictures and completed creating the calendar . It has been a mammoth task as lots of photographs needed to be crammed onto 12 pages . I am however pleased with the result . Sadly , Friday evening was Kerry 's last night at camp so we all headed to the diner for a fair well meal . As shocking as it may seem , I did not have the French onion soup this time , instead I opted for BBQ ribs . Slightly disappointingly they weren 't as good as Frankie and Benny 's ribs but they were a lot better than anything camp could have fed me . The following day my alarm went off at 6 . 30am and I sleepily switched it off and fell back to sleep . I was completely oblivious to what the noise actually meant and it was only after my alarm went off again at 6 . 40am that I realised I was supposed to get out of bed . It was painful but I new a day in the city would justify the early wake up call . This weekend the camp driver happened to be traveling into the city so we ( Casey , Dan and I ) were able to catch a free ride in . Typical of John , he slept through his alarms and missed both the bus and train ride . ' He so stoopid ! ' The photography museum was amazing . I was able to see a lot of new photographers work that I hadn 't seen before . One of my favourite installations was a collaboration between photographers Michael Subotzky and Patrick Waterhouse . The piece was a photographic investigation into the lives of people living in the iconic 54 story Ponte City residential tower in Johannesburg . The photographers had gone into everyone 's flat in the 54 story building and taken a photograph of their television screen , the residents within their homes and their doors . Each project was displayed within a tall light box which complimented the images due to the many silhouetted figures that were featured in the Windows , Ponte City , 2009 piece . It also worked well with the Televisions , Ponte City , 2008 piece because it made the images feel more like mini television screens . The Doors , Ponte City , 2009 piece didn 't necessarily need the light box but as a set it worked well . Another great piece was by a man named Sohei Nishino , in fact it was more than great . He produces huge diorama maps of his exploration of different cities using a 35mm film camera , yes FILM ! He shoots up to 10 , 000 pictures during his month long journey on foot throughout entire cities . It was absolutely amazing and I aspire to one day produce something as spectacular as that . On leaving the library , Casey got a text from John letting us know that he was on the train into the city . We then decided that we had best get an hour or so shopping in before he came to meet us . We went into Zara and I was very good because I didn 't buy a thing . We then walked along the street and popped into a few shops along the way before reaching a huge Forever 21 clothes shop . It was like Topshop in London , ridiculously big with too many people in it . When I was in the changing room I overheard someone say they had been in the place for 2 hours . Again , I was good because I put all the clothes I had collected back on the rails before I left the shop . John then met us outside the Hard Rock Cafe and Casey decided she wanted to shop on her own so we split up . John and I both wanted to buy some Havaianas and John wanted to walk along the High Line so I followed him . He seemed to aimlessly wonder around the city with a lack of care for whether he was going in the right direction . I sort of just went along with it because I new how much he liked to explore - TEVA ! It turned out to be a good thing because we found lots of ' snazzy ' things along the way and did actually end up at the High Line eventually . I couldn 't quite tell you where exactly we walked but we found a little market that sold lots of old things , including cameras . I was happy to explore the market and true to form I touched all the bits and bobs , stroked the fur coats and tried on all the different rings . If my Dad was there he would have been copying my actions with a bemused facial expression and comments such as ' why do women always touch the clothes ? ' The High Line was lovely to walk along and I would recommend every tourist visiting New York . As we were walking we found a ' hip and happening ' bar called Gastro Market that sold their drinks in jam jars . I was very excited by this so we bought a couple of drinks and sat out in the beer garden . We were both fascinated by the rocking metal chairs and I found it very difficult to get back up once I had sat down . The garden had hanging lanterns above your head which I imagine look lovely at nighttime . If I had the money , I would definitely go back there to eat . Lacking in the funds we sadly left the rocking chairs behind and continued our journey along the High Line . It was fascinating seeing the old rail tracks amongst newly planted trees and the views across the Hudson river were just great . Half way along John found a friend with matching hair and the guy asked to have a photo with him . We also saw a bride and groom and the rest of the wedding party having photographs . I was very pleased that John had suggested we walk along it ! As we neared the end of the strip , finally getting closer to the Havaianas shop , we heard and then saw a bar that looked lively and fun so we promised to return there once we had bought our shoes . When we entered the Havaianas shop I immediately saw the flip flops I wanted . I hunted through the sizes , trying a lot of them on to actually figure out what American size I was . Meanwhile John was not having as much luck . The mens section of the shop consisted of a small stand in the corner . They did not have the ones he wanted and he was very upset . When I bought mine , I immediately relished in the delights of no longer having paper thin flip flops . I did feel quite bad when I saw John 's sad and envious face … but what can you do ? ! We then walked alongside the rivers edge and found the lively bar that we passed on the High Line ; the Brass Monkey . It was very busy out in the beer garden but we managed to find a seat at the end of someone else 's table . By this time it was around 7pm and my stomach was definitely in need of some food . I was extremely happy to see that the food wasn 't all burger and pizza . I ordered fish and chips and John wanted bangers and mash and we both agreed to share them both . When it came I was in food heaven . The chips had a spicy tang to them and the bangers and mash was very flavorsome . I would definitely go back and eat there again . The atmosphere was great , they sold interestingly named beers on tap so John was happy and you could watch the sunset over the river ; lovely . On Sunday evening camp put on a staff banquette and we all dressed up to attend . I still can 't believe I wore a dress and heels whilst at camp when usually I am in dirty clothes and flip flops . I danced , laughed , posed for pictures and ate some tasty veggie kebabs . A great way to end an enjoyable week . On Friday I met the campers that have chosen to learn photography whilst they are at camp . I am so impressed at how well I managed to remember their names this session . They all seem like a good group and I am looking forward to seeing what they can produce . We queued for about half an hour but none of us seemed to mind . When we got inside I was immediately overwhelmed by the amount of people that lined the memorial . The huge waterfalls that mapped out the foundations of where the building used to stand were beautiful and I am glad they got chosen to represent such tragic losses . I was also shocked to discover that a tree had managed to survive such a disaster . The stump of the tree was found by workers amongst the wreckage . They removed it and New York City park nursed it back to health . In March 2010 , the tree was uprooted by severe storms and still managed to pull through yet again . Then in December 2010 , the tree returned to the World Trade Centre plot . It was a honour to be able to touch the leaves of such a magnificent plant . As the guide points out , it really does embody the story of survival and resilience . We then all walked towards the Statue of Liberty . Looking across the sea I was wondering where the statue was and then suddenly , as I walked past a column , there it was . It was one of those moments were I stopped and thought , wow I am in New York right now . These moments happen a lot ! As we walked towards the Brooklyn bridge we passed a lively street filled with small shops and stalls . True to his nature , John Teva wanted to explore and I was happy to go along with it . We wandered through the streets and ended up in a sweet shop . I was pleased with myself for resisting the urge to buy anything . Finally we made it to the bridge and started our trek across . Lots of people were walking across it , many of them looked like tourists . Mid walk we saw lots of people had signed their names on the bridge and some had put padlocks inscribed with their names on . Without a padlock at hand , Mia and I decided to use a trusty sharpie to sign our own names . It was about 7pm by this point , I was hungry and my feet were hurting so I don 't think I fully appreciated all the art that filled the building . I did enjoy the photography exhibits , especially when I recognised some photographers work , such as Sally Mann , William Eggleston and Philip - Lorca diCorcia . My favourite piece was by an American man named Larry Sultan of his grandfather reading a newspaper . Something about the mystery of who hid behind the paper had something to do with my attraction , I think . As a group we all went to shake shack and I had fries for dinner . For desert I had some amazing custard , ice cream stuff that was really smooth and creamy . I loved it ! After eating we all began the tiresome journey back to camp . I think we all slept on the train home . City life is tiring but not as bad as camp life . As usual , on the following day , my eyes refused to open and I begrudgingly got up out of bed to head to breakfast . It was a rainy day at camp so taking pictures was slightly mundane . With the hobby kids I set up a white background and taught them about portraiture . I also started the calendar which I have to create before camp ends . In the evening staff from a different camp came to compete in a basketball game against staff from our camp . There entrance was something I will never forget as they bounded in equipped with their hippy gear on . They all seemed very friendly and certainly weren 't taking any of it seriously . I am glad Steve made me go and watch . Monday was a good day . Camp turned into a carnival and all the specialists had to be in charge of a certain booth . I got to run a face painting booth and I had tonnes of fun doing it . During the break from the kids , John painted a glorious rainbow right across my face ! I looked like part of gay pride and I am proud to say I left camp and entered the real world with said rainbow still intact . The weather at camp has also improved ! It is no longer humid , just nice and sunny with a bit of a breeze . I hope it remains this way because I don 't think I can handle the heat again . As soon as I would get out of a shower my body would immediately feel sweaty . It was not a pleasant experience and I am sure all of camp would agree ! At camp the word ANNOUNCEMENTS is apparently a big deal . I found this out the other day as I sat in the dining hall . The camp director mentioned the word and the whole staff started chanting and banging on the table . Table banging has also become a big deal ! I think you are considered a failure if you do not make the salt and pepper shakers fall all over the place . It is very amusing ! On Wednesday evening we all gathered at the canteen ( an area at camp where staff can go to chill out whilst on their breaks ) for music , games , dancing , cookies and milk . There was also a photo booth that allowed us to take funny pictures . I feel this party helped all staff members interconnect and relax . It has definitely been a high point of the last few days for me . At the party we had to wear PJs and we played a game called Coke and Pepsi . This required a lot of running and team work . My partner was very competitive which worked well for me . We then got an induction into what the adventure specialists offer the campers . I now know how to put on a harness . It all involved more teamwork and fun activities . All these games and activities have forced me to become friends with lots of different people . I can also say that I have officially got an American BFF , lol . Her name is Ashley and she finds everything I do hilarious , even to the extent of filming me talk so she can show her friends . One lunch time she couldn 't believe I was cutting up my chips and chicken nuggets . she claimed they were finger food ! So American ! She has also offered to be my tour guide around NY so I am looking forward to that . Thursday evening , Ashley took me and a couple of other people to Wallmart . I was so amazed by all the different brands . She made me buy some Hershey 's chocolate which English people apparently think is disgusting . I am still yet to taste it ! Whilst out of camp I had my first McDonalds ! I don 't think it is as good as the UKs though . However they do Oreo McFlurries which are amazing ! I sprawled out in bed and messaged home , as I managed to connect to the hotels wifi . Every time I interact with my dad over Whatsapp it always seems to amuse me . He has limited texting experience and I therefore get very little in response to my long and excited messages . Luckily this morning my dad must have handed the phone over to my mum so I got more than a ' ooooo ' or ' nice one ' . At 5am I rolled off the air bed and began getting dressed . By quarter to 6 I knocked on the other girls room to see if they were ready to head down for breakfast . I was starving . Driving in America is very interesting to watch . They don 't use lanes the same as us , everyone just seems to head for their destination with no real regard for what is going on around them . I am sure the drivers do know what they are doing , it just looks very crazy and dysfunctional . It is making me question whether I will be capable of driving over here in a few months ! America has so many different things to look at all at once ! I found myself turning my head from side to side trying to take everything in . As we neared the center of New York , before entering the Lincoln tunnel , we got a great view of the concrete jungle amongst some mist . It really was an amazing site to see ! Steve , a fellow member of the SLC staff , gave us a running commentary of the local amenities Cold Spring has to offer . Oh , if I haven 't mentioned already , it is very very humid here and on the bus it was almost unbearable . That was until we cracked open two small windows which allowed the breeze created by the driving to filter in . As far as I can see , Cold Spring is like your typical American town . Many of the houses had American flags , in fact everywhere I turn I tend to see the American flag . The houses also had letter boxes at the end of their drive and white picket fences . After a 10 minute drive I finally saw the Surprise Lake Camp sign . We drove through the trees on the rocky road heading towards the reception area . The lake looked lovely and there were a few people digging away at the lakes edges whilst some sat and relaxed on the grass . After an hour at camp I was driven to the cabin I was to sleep in . The cabin is a short walk away from the main reception on a different part of camp called Teenside . The golf cart ride to my bunk was bumpy and fun and we spotted a snake and turtle near the side of the lake . Once we arrived , I climbed the stairs and enter into were I will be sleeping for the whole summer . I don 't really know what I expected but I was shocked when I saw the place . The cobwebs were not a welcoming site and freaked me out slightly . I didn 't really fancy sharing my bed with all the creepy crawlies that lined the bunks so I simply left my luggage and decided to deal withit later . Hopping back on the golf buggy we wizzed back to camp just in time for lunch ; pizza and salad . After eating , I was shown the office that I would be working in throughout the summer with Steve . It was full of cables , computers that needed to be plugged in and general mess so we spent the rest of the day tidiying it all up . At 5pm we headed to the dinning hall for dinner , it was a strange looking lasagna but without the meat . The cheese sauce sort of mixed with tomatoe paste and turned it pink . It was slightly odd but I gave it a go , the salad and garlic dough sticks were good though . Later on in the evening we went on an adventure with a guy named Jared , on the buggy he showed us were the staff canteen is that contains a cinema room and games . Jared 's bunk was amazing , he had kitted it out with TV , double bed and fairy lights . It made me realise that the bunks can be good , I just have to decorate it . A few months ago I attended the London , Camp America Recruitment fair in the hope to be placed at a camp I had chosen . A few days prier to the event I searched through all the camps that were attending online to see which ones appealed to me the most . With my heart set on Camp Westmount I got on the train to Reading to meet my friend , Siobhan , who was also hoping to get placed . The alarm was set for 7am and when it went off on the morning of the big day I couldn 't believe I had even had an hours sleep let alone 8 . Begrudgingly I rolled out of bed and got dressed , wrapped cold pizza in tinfoil and left the house . The cold , winters walk to the station woke us both up and we boarded the 9am train to London Paddington . As we approached the building , that was playing host to the Camp America fair , queues were already forming . At this point it was 10am and there must have already been 200 young adults chatting and shivering in line . Donning a green # iamCA sticker we joined the back of the line and was handed a large booklet filled with information . With frozen fingers I sifted through the booklet and circled , for the second time , the camps that looked most appealing . In discussion with Siobhan we each changed our minds on wanting to go to Camp Westmount . Siobhan liked the idea of spending her summer in California whilst I liked the sound of Surprise Lake Camp ( SLC ) . The destination of the camp wasn 't my priority because I new , if I got placed , then I would travel America afterwards . It just so happened that the camp I found most tempting was in New York . What drew me towards SLC was the short right up that described what they were all about . The paragraph sounded friendly and fun which is what won it over for me . It must have taken us a good hour and a half to come to our final decision about the top 5 camps we would look to get placed at . We both figured that we had best decide on a few favourites because the likely hood you will get placed at any is ambiguous . Once we had sorted this out it was a matter of waiting for the doors to open at 12am . Without anything to occupy us the impending feeling of frozen toes and red noses came to the forefront of our minds . I don 't think my toes have ever been as cold as they were that morning . In the end I walked down the street to get a cup of tea and as much as I love tea , I didn 't want to drink it because it was keeping my hands warm . At 12am the que surged forward and the nervous really started to kick in . As we slowly crawled further towards the entrance I realised how hard it was to walk . The frozen toes were truly getting to me and getting a place was ever more paramount . After what felt like an eternity we finally entered the realm of warmth . We were ushered up a flight of stairs and motioned to sit on chairs facing a big screen . The man spoke and I half listened and half revelled in the fact I could feel my body defrosting . After watching a short video we were left to fight to the deaths to try and get placed at a camp . I spotted the SLC stall as I was walking down the stairs towards the main room that held all the other stalls . Once I reached the bottom I wished Siobhan good luck and headed towards slot 61 where SLC was based . I smiled at the camp representative and asked if I could collect some leaflets . Reading through them clarified for me that this was the camp I wanted to spend my summer at . Avri , the camp representative introduced himself to me and I returned the pleasantries . He carried on talking to another girl and it looked like the interview was going well for her . This made me more determined to try and have mine go the same way . After he had finished he invited me to sit on the hot seat and he began asking me interview style questions . I answered them with honesty and enthusiasm . I tried to demonstrate parts of my personality as I was advised on the introduction video . After answering all the questions my heart quickened as I watched Avri write down a few notes . He then turned to me with a smile and said he would like to offer me a place . With a sigh of relief and a shake of his hand I already felt like part of the team . What I felt was so lovely about Avri himself was that he didn 't sit behind the table like every other camp representative did . He sat opposite me whilst he asked me the questions making me feel more at ease . The fact that he chose to sit on the same side as the people he was interviewing says to me that he is presenting himself as an equal . After speaking to him for more than a minute I felt comfortable in his presence . Once the forms were signed and I had bid Avri farewell , I made my way towards the que to have my photograph taken and to pay my deposit . Standing in the line I nervously rang Siobhan to ask if she had also been placed . Luckily she had so we both were able to leave with smiles on our face . The entire day consisted of lots of queing and many excited people drifting from stall to stall . It was definitely an experience I wouldn 't want to relive in a hurry but it was all worth the nearly frost bitten toes and cold pizza for lunch . I am one step closer to being able to wake up in New York City . |
I know - I 'm a day late in wishing everyone Merry Christmas . Better late than never . It seems like this holiday season has raced by so quickly . Troy and I are definitely looking forward to a new year and a new start . We will have the new boat survey done on Friday and that will probably be the deciding factor in whether we buy her or not . We are both really excited about owning a bigger boat . We had a wonderful Christmas at my mom 's house and then , later in the day we had dinner at Jessica and David 's house with all of our kids . It was so much fun to get to have all the girls and their families together in one place . May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through ! ~ Author UnknownSuddenly , the angel was joined by a vast host of others - the armies of heaven - praising God : " Glory to God in the highest heaven , and peace on earth to all whom God favors . " ( Luke 2 : 13 - 14 , NLT ) We did it ! We signed on the dotted line and now the fun begins . Next week we will have the new boat surveyed and go on a sea trial . Hopefully it will all work out and we will own a new boat in the next few weeks . We are both really excited . 2008 is starting out so much better than 2007 did ! Remember - all my sailing friends - Different Drummer will be for sale soon . We sure do hate to part with her , she 's a great boat - so don 't forget to spread the word ! " I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand , as in what direction we are moving - we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it - but we must sail , and not drift , nor lie at anchor . " - - Oliver Wendell Holmes , Jr . That night some shepherds were in the fields outside the village , guarding their flocks of sheep . Suddenly , an angel of the Lord appeared among them , and the radiance of the Lord 's glory surrounded them . They were terribly frightened , but the angel reassured them . " Don 't be afraid ! " he said . " I bring you good news of great joy for everyone ! ( Luke 2 : 8 - 10 NLT ) We did it ! We finally made a decision to make an offer on a new boat . She 's a 1982 Morgan Out Island 416 . We are in negotiations now and are hoping to have a deal hashed out today . We have been agonizing over this decision for weeks now and it feels good to finally decide ( one way or the other ) . Now - we just need to wait and see . If it works out then I guess it was meant to be , if not , we still love Different Drummer ! Here 's a picture of the " hopefully soon to be purchased " new boat . Her name is s / v Escape , but we will most likely rename her . If this all works out then we will have a boat for sale pretty soon . Spread the word ! ! ! ! ! ! " The ocean has always been a salve to my soul . . . the best thing for a cut or abrasion was to go swimming in salt water . Later down the road of life , I made the discovery that salt water was also good for the mental abrasions one inevitably acquires on land . " - Jimmy Buffett Wow - It 's been quite a week for the Jones Family . First , Troy got his great news from the PET Scan . Now we can relax a little and try to get back to normal ( whatever that means ) . We are just so happy to have that behind us for now . He won 't need to go back for another scan until March . We had a great time at the TMCA Commodore 's Ball . Troy looked so handsome in his tux ! We had a great time and really enjoyed seeing everyone looking their best . We were very honored and surprised to receive the Don Smith Memorial Award of Mariners of the Year . We definitely didn 't expect that . We had made so many great friends through the TMCA and are looking forward to lots of sailing with them in the coming year . We are still agonizing over making an offer on a new boat . I think we will probably make a decision one way or the other in the next day or so . Right now we are leaning toward making the offer . It would be nice to have more room , but we sure would miss Different Drummer . It 's been a much harder decision that I thought it would be . Stay tuned ! Now - bring me that horizon . ( The last line from Pirates of the Caribbean ) Posted by Dr . Jac just called Troy with his PET Scan results . NO CANCER ! Wonderful news . I think this is the best Christmas present ever . We have big plans this weekend . We are going to the Texas Mariners Crusing Association 's Commodore 's Ball . We get to get all dressed up and go to a party . I can 't tell you how excited Troy is about wearing a tux . This will be the first time I 've ever seen him in one in the 11 years I 've known him ( sorry Jessica ) . I 'll be sure to take lots of pictures . A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work . ~ John LubbockFor from him and through him and to him are all things . To him be the glory forever ! Amen . Romans 11 : 36 I know , I know . It 's been way too long . Everyone who normally reads our blog has probably given up on ever seeing anything different ! Really , no news is good news - so they say , whoever " they " are ! We are doing great . Troy is feeling better and stronger every day . He still has issues with eating and dumping syndrome , but that is to be expected . He went back to work last week ! That was a milestone for us , especially for Troy . He says it felt good to get back to work . Check out the article I wrote for an online news paper with news about boating around the Galveston / Clear Lake Area . I think it 's on page 7 on - http : / / www . waterfrontbeatonline . com / - Byron is doing a great job keeping us educated and informed with The Water Front Beat ! We had a great Thanksgiving with my family . We didn 't get to sail to Double Bayou for the annual French Picnic because the weather was really cold and windy , not to mention rainy . A few brave souls did make the trip and we hear that they had a great time . I hate that we missed out , but we sure were warm and cozy ! Troy has his PET Scan next week and we are a little nervous about that . I try not to worry and I am usually successful in that endeavour , but when it 's time for the actual testing I just can 't help but to worry a little more . After we get the " all clear " that we expect , we will be happy for another 3 months or so until the next test . Check our our video of John 's boat s / v Buddha sailing over to Double Bayou : We had an awesome sail over to our favorite sailing destination ( Double Bayou ) a couple of weeks ago . The weather was perfect and the sailing was great . We took our new friends John and Cheryl ( s / v Buddha ) with us . It was their first time to sail over and of course they had a great time . You have to try really hard to have a bad time over there . More new friends , Trey , Kat and Anne on s / v Dawn Treader also sailed over . We spent the weekend playing in the dingy and kayaks and trying everything on Ernestine 's menu ! It was also a weekend cruise for several of the area sailing clubs so there were several sail boats that went up the bayou . The game warden was also really active that weekend . They were checking boats for registration and for proper safety equipment . We did have a little adventure Saturday night . We had heard that there was a woman who broke her ankle on one of the boats that were up the bayou . They brought her back down on a small boat and she was taken to Anahuac by ambulance . Apparently they were not able to treat her at the Anahuac hospital so she was taken by life flight ( seems a little drastic for a broken ankle ) to Houston . The police brought her husband back to Channel Marker 17 , but he needed a ride back up the bayou a couple of miles back to his boat . His name is Andrew and I really wish I could find out what happened with his wife . I 'm sure everything turned our fine . Anyway - Troy , Andrew and I headed up the bayou - boy was it dark ! The really cool part of the journey was the phosphorescence in the water . There was lots of bright green glowing " stuff " in the water . The prop on our dingy churned up the water and it looked like we had a light under there lighting up the water . Really cool looking . We have plans to spend Thanksgiving at Double Bayou with the TMCA , but the weather is looking so bad that we are re - thinking those plans . We are really disappointed , but , on the bright side , I will get the spend the day with my family . " The only way to get a good crew is to marry one . " ~ Eric Hiscock PostTroy and Deana Jones I know , I know - it 's been way too long between posts . We had a blast on Isla Mujeres and as soon as we got home Troy took off on a Morgan 41 ' sailboat with some friends to help them get to Pensacola . He went as far as Houma , Louisiana and rented a car for the drive home . It took them about 7 days to make it to Houma in the ICW and about 5 hours for Troy to drive back home ! Troy is doing great these days . He had a visit with Dr . Jac ( his oncologist ) a couple of days ago . His bloodwork looks great the he will have a PET Scan before the end of the year . We are anticipating that he will get a NED ( No Evidence of Disease ) result from the PET Scan . I will try to get caught up and start posting again . Hopefully everyone is still looking in every now and then . Here 's a couple of great pictures from our Isla vacation : We are still having a great time - just hanging out and enjoying the beautiful scenery and the wonderful culture of Isla . Here 's picture of our view from Jax as we eat breakfast , check email and post to the blog . Not much news to post , just day after day of enjoying each others company . This has been a perfect vacation after the year that we have had . Check out the sunset from the roof of the dive shop ! Today is Troy 's birthday and we are spending it on beautiful Isla Mujeres ! We 're having a wonderful time . The weather has been great . It rains almost everyday , but usually for no more than 20 - 45 minutes . The humidity has been pretty low and there is a continuous breeze that keeps everything just right . We are just taking it easy - our motto - " Plans ? What Plans ? " Most days we head for the beach right after breakfast , then , when we get tired of lazing around on the beach we head for the room and a nice siesta . Then , later on we walk into town for a stroll and dinner . What a life . I could get used to this ! We rented a gilf cart yesterday and spent most of the day crusing around and taking in the wonderful views . Life is good ! We have noticed lots of changes to our quiet little island . Mostly construction of condos everywhere . These condos are expensive and are marketed to foreigners . I can only imagine what this will mean to Isla . It makes me sad , but I guess nothing stays the same forever . I can only hope that it will be good for the economy and for the people who live here . Another sad development is the erosion of Playa Norte . The beach here changes continually , but we have never seen it like this . I hate to see the beautiful palm trees falling into the sea . The local government and beachfront property owners are busy filling sandbags and doing what they can to stop the erosion . Hopefully it will not be a futile effort . The spot where this photo was taken was a large beautiful beach just a few short weeks ago . Luckily there are still portions of the beach that are bigger than ever . Gotta run - the sun is out and the water is just right ! Posted by We are having a great time here on Isla . The weather has been sunny / rainy / cloudy . We 've never been here at this time of year , most of the time we are here in the summer . It 's kinda nice that it 's not blazing hot . Lots of things have changed since our last visit , but it feels really great to be back . Especially with our new found appreciation of life ! We 're sitting in a sports bar ( Jax ) and drinking a bucket of beer while we use the wireless inernet . Life is good and i 'm so glad to be here istead of a hospital somewhere . . the Texans lost today but it 's not the end of the season for them . . . . we are watching the Cowboys right now . . This is our test of posting in Spanish - all of the blogspot instructions and posts are in Spanish here . Hopefully we will have success ! This guy visits our patio each morning hoping Troy will throw him a peanut ! We are counting down to Mexico ! We 're both ready to get there and spend some time with just each other , relaxing and having fun and trying to forget all the worries of the past year . I will try to update the blog while we are there so check back often . I 'm hoping to see a few sunsets just like the one in the picture Troy is getting better every day . He still has some problems after he eats , but that is to be expected . I figure some beach time will work wonders for him ! If you 're lucky enough to be at the beach . . . then you 're lucky enough ! - - Author : ? Troy finally got to paddle his kayak yesterday afternoon ! He hasn 't been able to paddle since before his surgery ( because of the recovery and the PICC line ) . We went for a nice long paddle when I got home from work . The weather was perfect and Troy got to work on strengthening his arms and shoulders . It felt great . This weekend is the " In The Water Boat Show " at Watergate Marina . Check it out at : http : / / houstonboatshow . com / If anyone is interested it is a great chance to see some awesome yachts . " If a man is to be obsessed by something , I suppose a boat is as good as anything , perhaps a bit better than most . " - E . B . White Not much new going on , but I wanted to post and let everyone know that Troy is feeling a little better every day . He still tires pretty easily , but we are hoping he will be getting a little stronger with each passing day . He was happy when he could finally dive into the deep end of the pool and not worry about his PICC line . He was not happy to find out how difficult it is to swim since they cut his muscle ( the one across you back and under your arm ) in half during his surgery . We went to see the Texans play on Sunday . We had great seats ( thanks Kenneth ! ) and really enjoyed the game . Troy started feeling kinda bad and we had to leave toward the end of the 3rd quarter , but it was good to get out and root for our team . We are planning to go to Isla Mujeres in mid October to celebrate Troy 's recovery and his birthday . We can 't wait to get there ! We are really looking forward to spending some time together and enjoying our favorite place . I know just the palm tree that I plan on spending plenty of afternoons under with a good book . We are really enjoying living on our boat . It 's a great community and I love getting home and being on the water . Thanks for the comments . It 's great to see who 's reading the blog . John A - you were my next guess ! We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin , the saltwater off our bodies , and the sand out of our belongings . ~ Erma Bombeck This is it - it 's over and done ! Troy saw Dr . Jac yesterday and the chemo pump and PICC line were removed . He doesn 't even have to go back to see the doctor for a whole month . That 's a milestone considering that all year he 's been to the doctor or hospital almost weekly ( at least several times each month ) . No more tubes , lines or chemicals ! ! ! ! ! It feels good to know that now his job is just to feel better and get stronger . There will be another PET Scan in December , but right now that seems like forever away . We are looking forward to sailing , enjoying our boat and taking a nice long vacation for Troy 's birthday coming up in October . By the way - I like to get comments from everyone reading our blog , so don 't forget that you can post comments to us and we love to hear from you ! Cancer is a word , not a sentence . ~ John Diamond We got a chance to sail to our favorite destination Saturday morning . Our friend Joe went with us and we left really early . It was a pretty rough ride over as the bay was very choppy that morning . I was really glad to get there and get tied up to the dock ! We had a wonderful weekend we were also joined by a couple of other TMCA boats - Ed and Marion Herndon on s / v Remedy and Kent and Joellen Davis on s / v Charisma , plus several other " Channel Marker Regular Boats " . We took a short dinghy ride up the bayou on Saturday . After the leisurely ride Ed challenged me to a dinghy race - of course I accepted . We dropped off our passengers and headed back up the bayou to find a suitable racing spot . After I beat him soundly twice in a row his motor died - then I had to tow him back home . Sorry Ed - I just had to tell the story ! Sunday morning was beautiful . Low humidity , blue skies . We couldn 't ask for a better day . It almost makes me look forward to fall ( I will miss summer though ) . Ernestine cooked us a fabulous Channel Marker Breakfast and we headed out for a motor sail home . Troy is feeling OK these days , but he still battles nausea and he can 't wait to get some of his energy and stamina back , but we can definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel . His last day of chemo is Thursday ! ! ! ! Here 's a great shot of s / v Remedy on the way back across Trinity Bay : Who is staring at the sea is already sailing a little . ~ Paul Carvel As soon as I arrived home Friday night I noticed that our air conditioner return ( where the water that cools the a / c runs out of the boat ) was dripping out at half it 's normal rate . Usually that means we need to clean the filter , so Troy got busy with that right away . He soon noticed that there was no water running into the filter . We messed with it for quite a while and finally Troy got a wire coat hanger and pushed it into the hose . We soon discovered that we had sucked a small fish ( about 3 - 4 inches ) into the intake . Needless to say he wasn 't feeling to good when we pulled him out . Kind of reminded me of Nemo - bet he wished he would have never touched the butt ! ! ! ! ! Later that evening Troy got to break out his guitar and play . Some of our new friends in the marina are getting a band together and they set up to practice and everyone gathered around and had a wonderful evening listening to the music . They were great and they even let Troy play and sing . His voice is really coming back - not 100 % yet , but enough that he can sing a few songs . It really felt good to hear him singing and playing guitar and enjoying himself . Everyone had so much fun that we are trying to make it a weekly event ! The picture is kinda dark but I wanted to post it anyway . And the night shall be filled with music , And the cares that infest the dayShall fold their tents like the ArabsAnd as silently steal away . ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow , The Day Is Done We survived our fist " named storm " on Different Drummer ! We spent Wednesday afternoon / evening making the boat ready for a visit from Humberto with a couple of extra lines and we tied the kayaks down and adjusted fenders in preparation of the tidal surge . Most of that was totally unnecessary as we received some rain and wind , but nothing to cause concern . Even the tides cooperated . Oh well - it 's good practice for storm preparation . Troy got his last infusion pump of 5FU today . Dr . Jac told him today that he will remove the PICC line next week and Troy will be done with chemo ! Wooo - hoooo ! ! ! ! ! ! Yippeeeeee ! Then he will only see the oncologist every 3 months , then eventually every 6 months , then every year and some day - never again ! Troy wasn 't feeling so great this afternoon , but he is staying positive and looking forward to the great weather and our sail this weekend . I know not what the future holds , but I know who holds the future . ~ Author Unknown Troy is still hangin ' in there . The last couple of days have been a little difficult because he has been nauseous and just feeling bad in general . He says that he can feel the chemicals in him . He is so ready to feel better . I sure am glad that we are nearing the end of chemo , I really can 't wait to see him feeling better . We 're planning to sail to Double Bayou this weekend . It 's our favorite sailing destination and Troy is ready to get out there on the water . We can 't wait to see our friends on Oak Island ( Double Bayou ) . I just hope he 's feeling better so that he can enjoy the weekend ( funny how it 's Monday and I 'm already looking forward to the weekend ) . To feel keenly the poetry of a morning 's roses , one has to have just escaped from the claws of this vulture which we call sickness . ~ Henri Frederic Amiel We 're back home to Different Drummer . Troy was released from the hospital at about 2 : 00 today . He had his last round of epirubin and cisplatin ( the " bad " chemos ) and has two more weeks of the 5FU ( the " not so bad " chemo ) . Hopefully after that he will be able to concentrate on feeling better and getting stronger . Needless to say - we are both thrilled to have this part of the treatment behind us . We got home this afternoon and immediately had to take the boat over to the pump out station because our holding tank was full . Troy felt well enough to get that done even though we had to battle a brisk wind getting the boat back into the slip . He 's quite the captain though and of course he handled the boat beautifully . I can 't begin to put down in words how impressed I have been with him through this whole ordeal ( and I don 't mean the pump out ) . He has been so strong and so positive and such an inspiration to me . I am so fortunate to be married to such a wonderful man . Troy is feeling OK considering . He has moments of feeling nauseous and he has no appetite right now . It will take him about a week to a week and a half to get enough of the bad chemo out of his system so that he can start feeling better most of the time . This should be a beautiful weekend and we plan to do our best to enjoy it ! ! ! ! ! " For I know the plans I have for you , " declares the Lord , " plans to prosper you and not to harm you , plans to give you hope and a future . Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me , and I will listen to you . You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart . I will be found by you " declares the Lord . Jeremiah 29 : 11 - 14 NIV We 're back at Methodist Hospital for the last time ! I was counting this morning and this is Troy 's seventh stay here this year . What a year it 's been . It 's impossible to explain how happy we are that this is the last one . It 's a great place to be if you 're sick , of course that 's why we hope to leave tomorrow and never return . We 're getting settled in and waiting for the epirubicin ( chemo ) to show up from the hospital pharmacy . The sooner they start the sooner we can get out of here ! We are expecting to be released tomorrow afternoon . Troy will also have an X - ray done today or tomorrow because Dr . Jac wants to see if there is still fluid in his lung , we suspect that there is because Troy has been having some pretty bad coughing episodes lately . If the fluid is still there they will drain it by inserting a needle into his lung . The doctor says that it 's " no big deal " but Troy believes that 's because they aren 't sticking the needle in his lung ! I promise to post an update tomorrow . But now " home " is Different Drummer . We made the official move on Friday and we spent most of the weekend making room for our " stuff " . So far so good ! I have the rest of the week off of work , so , of course , it 's gonna rain every day ! At least it will give us time to adjust to the new living arrangements and get settled in . Troy is doing OK - he had a good day on Saturday . We went sailing with Kenny and Ronda . It was a great sail with just enough wind and plenty of good company . After the sail we took a dinghy ride , then Kenny and Troy brought out the guitars and entertained us at the Table of Knowledge . It was a great day . Troy didn 't feel so good on Sunday . He was nauseous and his leg and ankle where the blood clot are have really swollen up this weekend . I guess maybe he 's been on his feet a little more than usual . He is wearing his sexy TED hose and trying to keep his leg elevated . So far today has been great . We woke up this morning and took a dingy ride out into the lake and past the Kemah Boardwalk . It sure looks deserted on a Tuesday morning ! Then back to the pool for some swimming and sun . Yes , the sun came out today ! Of course we are now getting the afternoon showers that make the 40 % chance of rain into a reality . The plan is for Troy to be back in the hospital on Thursday for the last round of the " bad " chemo ! Even though we are dreading it , it will be good to get it over and done ! " Believe me , my young friend , there is nothing - - absolutely nothing - - half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats . " ~ Kenneth Grahame ( Wind in The Willows ) Troy had blood work done and saw Dr . Jac today . Basically , the doctor took him off of the chemo for this week to let his body rest and recuperate . Next Thursday he will go back into the hospital for the last round of the " bad " chemo . Then he will have another 2 - 3 weeks of the " not so bad " chemo . Then - God willing , he will be done with chemo forever ! It feels pretty good to see a light at the end of the tunnel . He 's feeling about the same these days , mostly just tired . We are still packing up for the big move and this weekend we will spend at the boat trying to make sure that everything that we " can 't live without " will fit into our little space . I have a feeling that you start figuring out that you can live without lots of the stuff that you think you need . That 's part of the beauty of living on the boat . Gotta run - I have packing to do ! We had a nice quiet weekend at the boat . Troy felt pretty good on Saturday . We went out to lunch with some friends at Joe Lee 's Seafood and Troy ate a whole shrimp po boy - and he didn 't even get sick . That 's the most he 's eaten since before his surgery ! Saturday was a pretty good day for him . Sunday was another story - he just didn 't feel well all day . I guess it 's normal to have some good days and some bad days . We are contemplating making a move to live on the boat for a while . We are excited about it because we are always there and of course , we love being on the water . We figure we have the perfect opportunity to try it out since Jessica and David ( and of course , Tori ) will stay at the house . This way we can test drive being " live aboards " without completely committing ourselves and leasing our house to strangers . I 'm a little anxious about how to fit all my shoes and purseson the boat and still have room for us ! Guess I 'll just have to give up most of those for now . I cannot not sail . - E . B . White It 's Friday ! I 'm ready for the weekend . Troy 's still not feeling too well . I guess chemo has that effect on a person . We are both trying to keep a good attitude about it all and looking for the light at the end of the tunnel . The PET Scan gave us the great results of NED ( No Evidence of Disease ) . So we feel good about that . Now if we can just get through this chemo and Troy can start eating / digesting food better . He still has the effects of the rearrangement of his stomach and the removal of his esophagus to deal with on top of the chemo , so if he feels like eating ( rarely ) he will usually have the dumping syndrome and be sick for an hour or more . Still - he will tell you " life is good " . We know that he is going through all of this so that the cancer will stay away . We are looking forward to enjoying the weekend as best we can . We have our Small Group friends coming down tomorrow morning and if we are lucky we will get to go sailing on s / v Kallisto ( Greg and Jean 's boat ) . They are planning to sell her so this might be our last chance to take her out on the bay . Hopefully Troy will feel up to that , it always makes him feel better to get out on the water . Call me Ishmael . Some years ago - never mind how long precisely - having little or no money in my purse , and nothing particular to interest me on shore , I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world . ~ H . Melville , Opening Line from Moby Dick We had a great weekend . Troy felt pretty lousy , but at least he had a great place to feel bad in ! We sailed to Double Bayou on s / v Remedy . Our hosts , Ed and Marion made us both feel right at home and made sure Troy always had a cool , comfortable place to rest . We sailed over to Double Bayou with about 10 - 12 other boats for a TMCA " Gilligan 's Island " party . The party was at Channel Marker 17 , the bar that our good friends own . Jimbo and Ernestine did a great job feeding everyone a wonderful fried fish dinner . Jamie and Linda kept everyone happy with cold beer and drinks . The band , Tropical Depression , had everyone dancing all night . Everyone had lots of fun . I wish Troy would have been able to join in , unfortunately he spent most of the evening resting on Remedy . We had a wonderful sail back home . It sure felt good to be back out on the bay under sail ! The wind and the company were perfect , we even saw a pod of dolphins . Thanks again to Ed and Marion for taking us along ! Troy had blood work done this morning and an appointment with Dr . Jac . His blood work looks good and he will be continuing with the blood thinners and go back on Thursday for more blood work and to change out his infusion pump . Believe it or not , he forgot to ask the doctor about his PET Scan results , but we figure that we would definitely have been told if they found anything to worry about . " For me , my craft is sailing on , Through mists to - day , clear seas anon . Whate ' er the final harbor be ' Tis good to sail upon the sea ! " John Kendrick Bangs Home at last ! We made it through all the water that Tropical Depression Erin dumped on Houston . Troy 's tired , but glad to be home . We won 't have the PET Scan results until next week , but we 're not gonna worry about that . We are just hoping the Troy will feel good enough to make our sail that we have planned this weekend . Looking forward to the weekend ! We saw Dr . Jac this afternoon and he has decided that Troy will need to stay in the hospital for the next couple of days . We will probably go home tomorrow or Friday . He has ordered a PET Scan for tomorrow because he wants to see how everything looks because of the blood clot ( DVT ) . He also plans for Troy to be on long term medication ( at least a year ) to thin his blood and prevent further clots . After some additional research we found out that DVT is pretty common in cancer patients . Both because of the cancer and because of the chemotherapy used to treat it . Troy 's mom also has Factor V Leiden which is the most common hereditary blood coagulation disorder in the U . S . , and it causes blood clots , so that may also have something to do with this . Dr . Jac has basically told us that since Troy has developed two clots since being diagnosed with cancer , the cancer and chemotherapy treatment are the most likely causes of the blood clots . He has ordered a PET Scan for tomorrow and even though he expects everything to be fine since Troy just had a CT Scan a month ago , we ( at least this part of " we " ) are really nervous . I know that there are many of these scans and tests in our future , but it is pretty nerve wracking because if there are any cancer cells in his body this should show them . We are praying for ( and expect ) a clean scan tomorrow . Worrying is like a rocking chair , it gives you something to do , but it gets you nowhere . ~ Glenn Turner Troy 's hair has been really coming out lately and even though it isn 't coming out in batches , it was getting really thin so we decided to get a jump on the chemo and cut it all off ! I think he 's quite handsome , but he keeps laughing every time he sees himself in the mirror . It does take some time getting used to seeing him with no hair ! Troy 's blood work was good enough to get him back on chemo , so we are back in the hospital again for another round . The plan is to spend the night here and get another round of epirubicin and cisplatin ( those are the " bad " chemos ) . Then they will send him home with the 4FU infusion pump again ( that 's the " good " chemo ) . There really is no " good " chemo , I only use " good " and " bad " to describe the ones that have the worst side effects and make him sickest . He will probably feel pretty lousy for at least the next week . Unfortunately , he started noticing some pain in his left leg yesterday and it was worse this morning . A doppler ultrasound confirmed this afternoon that he has another blood clot in his leg . He will be going back on the Lovenox ( daily shots in the stomach ) until they can get him on Coumadin , an oral blood thinner . He will probably be on that long term , we are guessing six months , but we are never right when we try to second guess these things . We are still hoping to make our cruise to Double Bayou this weekend . We are planning to sail over with our friends Ed and Marion Herndon on their boat s / v Remedy . Their boat is wonderful and has a generator which means we can keep Troy cool and comfortable . We are hoping that he feels up to making the trip . Only time will tell . What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us . ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson Troy had blood work done this morning and an appointment with Dr . Jac . We thought he would get the go ahead to be checked into the hospital tomorrow morning , but his white blood count was too low so Dr . Jac decided to stop all chemo , including the infusion pump for the next week . This wasn 't totally unexpected , we had been prepared for this to happen , but we have mixed feelings about it all . We weren 't looking forward to the hospital stay and the chemo that we know will make him sick for the next week , but we want to get this all over with and behind us and this will delay that . I think the plan is to stop the chemo just long enough for Troy to start feeling better and get his blood count up - build him up and knock him back down . We are also disappointed because we are scheduled to lead a cruise for the TMCA on August 18th and if Troy has the chemo next week I doubt that he will be up to cruising across the bay . We had been looking forward to this cruise all year long . We will just have to wait and see what happens next week . One thing we are beginning to realize is that this is no year to make plans . It seems like every time we plan something those plans are shot down . We are definitely looking forward to brighter days ahead . " The cabin of a small yacht is truly a wonderful thing ; not only will it shelter you from a tempest , but from the other troubles in life , it is a safe retreat . " - L . Francist Herreshoff We finally made it out of the marina ! We sailed to Smith Point with the TMCA . We left out Saturday morning . What a feeling to be back out on the bay . It was great ! We didn 't get to sail much because there wasn 't much wind . What little wind we could find was right on our nose . So we motor sailed and enjoyed the beautiful weather . We made it into Smith Point with no problems , got tied up safely and started cooling down the boat . TMCA had 20 boats and everyone had a great time . It 's always a fun time at a TMCA event . Check out the boats : Here is Different Drummer - - - - - - - - - - > Check out the people ! So much fun - great company and great food . You just can 't beat it . On the way back Sunday morning Troy started feeling bad and had to go below and lay down for about an hour . I only mention this because it was the first time I had the cross the Houston Ship Channel by myself . It seems kinda scary when you see a ship like this coming at you : But we 've done it enough times together that it was no big deal . It just seemed like a milestone so I thought I would mention it . Overall we had a great weekend and we are loving Watergate Marina more and more . There was a shrimp boil Sunday afternoon and that pool sure was inviting when we made it back from a long hot sail across the bay . The bad news of the week is that Troy has to go back into the hospital on Wednesday for some more of the " bad " chemo . You know - as opposed to the " good " chemo that he 's getting 24 / 7 through the infusion pump . The " bad " chemo ( cisplatin and epirubicin ) are the ones that make him sick for a week after he receives it . The " good " chemo ( 5FU ) doesn 't make him too sick on a daily basis , earning it the term " good " . We really aren 't looking forward to the " bad " chemo ordeal that we know is ahead of us - so please keep praying for Troy , that he won 't get too sick and that he will feel better soon . The other bad news is that he is starting to lose his hair . The next time y ' all see him he will most likely be bald . He shaved his beard off today and I think his head iPosted by I think it 's rained so much in the last month that the meteorologists just decided to predict lots of rain - chances are they will be right . There was a 60 % chance of rain this weekend so we scrubbed our sail to Double Bayou . It did rain on us this weekend , but only for about 30 minutes this afternoon . The weekend was beautiful ! Sunshine with a few clouds . Thundershowers passed within several miles a couple of times , but they just cooled us off with the wind . We are really enjoying our new marina . Everyone is so nice here and it 's great to make new friends . We are really close to the pool and to the " Table of Knowledge " - more about that later ! Troy felt better than he has felt in months yesterday . He ate really well and spent time motoring around in the dinghy . We were thrilled that he did so well . He even played a little guitar for us at the poolside party that one of our new dock mates threw for his wife 's birthday . Saturday was a wonderful day ! Life is good . Too bad today wasn 't so good . Troy didn 't feel good all day . After he ate lunch he had dumping problems and never really felt good after that . We are hoping that he will start feeling better as he gets the 2 bad chemos ( cisplatin and epirubin ) out of his system . He won 't have to get those again until he goes back in the hospital , probably around August 8th so maybe he will have a couple more weeks of feeling good . Next weekend , if Troy feels up to it and the weather cooperates , we are planning a sail to Smith Point with the TMCA ( Texas Mariners Cruising Association ) . Check out the web site at http : / / www . tmca . nu / lots of great people that love boats and love being out on the water . Here 's picture of Different Drummer at Smith Point last year . It 's an RV park with a bulkhead that can accommodate several boats complete with power hook ups . It 's lots of fun to kayak and dinghy around and it 's an easy sail from Clear Lake . You can usually spot some spoonbills - birds that are pink like flamingos but they have a bill with a spoon shape on the end . Summer afternooPosted by Troy here , it 's Tuesday night and I thought I 'd post on the blog . . Not too much to report , I 'm eating a little better , not quite as sick as yesterday so it must be getting better . . just tired , but that 's another side effect we expected . On another subject , we really like the new marina , we 're right next to the pool , ( that I can 't get in ) we park just behind the boat so we don 't have to walk far to the boat and we have great neighbors around us . Drawbacks are more money and I can 't have my trailer on site , we always have it loaded with toys and tools and I 'll miss the convenience of that but that 's the rules . We 're wanting to take a cruise this weekend to Double Bayou but the weather is looking iffy , I guess we 'll see when the time comes to leave . Hey , life is good and thanks to all our friends for helping us out lately , I can 't wait to repay some of the favors I 've had to call in lately and I appreciate all of y ' all . Thanks , Thanks , Thanks . . . We spent the weekend at the boat and moved to another marina . We got notice last week that our piers will be demolished and we have until the end of August to find another home for Different Drummer . Luckily we knew that was coming so we had already made arrangements and we moved on Saturday since we had plenty of friends to help . We really like our new home - Watergate Yachting Center - and everyone is very friendly . We hated to break up our community at our old marina , we have been there almost 3 years and made so many great friends . I know that we will keep in touch with everyone , but it 's just not the same as driving up on Friday afternoon and everyone is just there . Troy is feeling pretty lousy these days . It 's difficult to get him to eat anything . I try to get him to eat , but food just has no appeal to him . He told me today that the last time he weighed this amount was high school . The doctor tells us , and our own research confirms , that the chemo that he received in the hospital ( cisplatin - which is a form of platinum , and epirubicin ) are the ones that are making him feel so bad . The 5FU that he is receiving now shouldn 't make him sick . We are hoping that he will start feeling better in the next day or so . If Troy feels up to it we are planning to sail to Double Bayou next weekend . It 's a full moon and a meteor shower so we may try to sail over on Friday night . We 'll see how things go this week . Well - if it 's not one thing it 's another . As I am sitting here typing our TV just had some kind of freak out and it won 't come back on . It made really loud screeching sound and died . Oh well - I think it 's bed time anyway . Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine . ~ Robert C . Gallagher We finally made it home today at about 4 : 00 pm . Troy is feeling OK , he 's a little nauseous and tired , he didn 't sleep too well last night . He has a PICC line with a continuous infusion of 5FU ( a type of chemotherapy ) . The long white tube in the picture is the tube of 5FU . He has to be really careful not to get the site of the PICC line infected and it has to be flushed out every day . He also has to try to stay healthy and avoid people who are sick . Everyone who is around him is supposed to wash their hands and he has to follow a " bacteria free diet " which means no salad , fresh fruits or vegetables , unless they have a thick skin and can be peeled . We had a wonderful nurse today . Her name is Pat and she has worked at Methodist Hospital for 36 years ! She 's a great lady and spent quite a bit of time with us helping us learn to take care of Troy 's PICC line and visiting with us . Once again , I can 't say enough about how great Methodist Hospital has been thoughout Troy 's treatment . They really have quality people working there . Just as we were ready to leave the hospital this afternoon four men from the Harbor Light Choir came to our room to sing for us . They sing at the hospital every Thursday . What a treat ! They sang You Are My Sunshine and This Little Light of Mine . Then they prayed with us . It was just one of those wonderful moments that can really make a difference when things seem so tough . We 're glad to be home and hopefully Troy can get a good nights sleep tonight . Cancer is so limited . . . It cannot cripple love , It cannot shatter hope , It cannot corrode faith , It cannot eat away peace , It cannot destroy confidence , It cannot kill friendship , It cannot shut out memories , It cannot silence courage , It cannot invade the soul , It cannot reduce eternal life , It cannot quench the Spirit . Since we knew that it would take several hours for anything to get started I dropped Troy off at the hospital this morning and went work for a few hours . When I got back at 3 : 00 pm they were finally sending him down to get his PICC line in place , that took about 20 minutes and we were sent back to his room . This is our fourth time in this hospital and the first time we didn 't get a private room . We are in an older part of the hospital and I was surprised at how much equipment and beds and stuff were jamming the halls . It was shift change and Troy was on a stretcher so it was quite a feat getting him down the hall to his room . The other patient in his room was a 99 year old man who wears diapers and knows how to use them ! ! The second we walked through the door a horrible odor hit us . Troy had the " b " bed , farthest from the door so we had to make our way past the other patient , his wife and his daughter . I think they were mistaken , this was a private room and they just shoved two beds into it . There wasn 't room to turn around . It was just crazy , I wanted to cry . It smelled horrible , our neighbor was not only incontinent , he was hard of hearing . His wife was telling him all kinds of stories about friends and neighbors and cats and such , all in the loudest voice possible . Troy and I were just huddled together on his bed with the curtain drawn , wondering how we were gonna make it through the night . As soon as our new nurse walked in she looked at me and whispered " it smells really bad in here " . Needless to say , I agreed . She asked if we wanted to change rooms . I told her yes , we did . Troy didn 't even know what had taken place - he missed the whole thing . Of course , he was happy to move into the private room next door . We are finally settled in for the night and the chemo has started . This one is a pretty reddish orange . Interesting , it goes in that color and comes out that color too ! In the book of life , the answers aren 't in the back . ~ Charlie Brown Troy had an appointment with his oncologist this morning and there was good news and there was bad news . First the good news - his blood work was good and they also did a CT Scan . Everything looks great . There is no evidence of any cancer anywhere in his body ! Now the bad news - he starts 9 weeks of chemo tomorrow morning . We were both shocked to find out that this was the tumor boards recommendation . This cancer carries a " significant risk of recurrence " according to Dr . Jac . The chemo will help ensure that if there is any minute cancer cells left in his body then hopefully they will be killed / annihilated / murdered / gone for good . This chemo will be a little different than the last time . He will stay in the hospital for 24 hours and receive two kinds of chemo ( epirubicin and cisplatin ) then he will be started on flourouracil or 5FU which will go through a PICC line ( in a vein in his arm ) continuously for the next 9 weeks . He will be hospitalized every 3 weeks for additional epirubicin and cisplatin . While we were prepared ( sort of ) for another week of chemo , this news came out of left field , but apparently it is standard treatment for esophageal and stomach cancers . We are both pretty bummed by this new development , but we agree that if it can help prevent a recurrence of the cancer then it will be well worth the temporary discomfort . Troy is not looking forward to having another device attached to him , I know he has been looking forward to feeling better and getting back to a normal life . Keep praying everyone ! There is time for everything . ~ Thomas A . EdisonAnd we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him , who have been called according to his purpose . Romans 8 : 28Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding . Proverbs 3 : 5 We had a great weekend at the boat . We didn 't get to go sailing but we enjoyed the weekend anyway . On Friday night we drove over to Channel Marker , our friends Debbie and Larry got married and we had a great time . It was good to see all of our friends and we can 't wait to get back over there with our boat for a longer visit . On Saturday night Patrick cooked a great dinner for everyone - steaks , boiled shrimp with corn on the cob and potatoes . What a feast ! Everyone had a great time - plenty of good food , drink and conversation ! The big topic of conversation at the marina this weekend is the pending demolition of our pier . We all are wondering how much time we have left there and everyone is pretty much looking around at other marinas and making plans to move . We are all sad to break up our little group . We really will miss having everyone around . We 've made such good friendships there at Blue Dolphin . We decided to move to Watergate Yachting Center and will probably go in the next month or so . Troy has really been improving lately . It 's great to see him becoming more and more active and doing more things . He still has trouble with nausea sometimes after he eats but he is learning how to deal with that and hopefully it will get better with time . He has a couple of doctor appointments this week . The big one is seeing the oncologist on Tuesday . We will finally find out whether he has to do another week of chemo . We are optimistic that he won 't because the tumor board met a couple of weeks ago and we think we would have heard from Dr . Jac already if they thought he should have another round . We are just praying that he wont need anymore chemo and that he can just continue to heal and get back to a " normal " life . On July 28th there will be a full moon and the Delta Aquarids Meteor Shower . We are hoping to sail to Double Bayou leaving Friday afternoon . We 're trying to get other boats to sail over with us . Stay tuned for more info . Is it so small a thing To have enjoy 'd the sun , To have lived light in the spring , To have lovePosted by Finally , the motor runs again . I have to thank all my friends , most of all Big Dave ! ! He figured out what was going on and corrected it for me , he also rewired my battery bank and showed me how to put a starter on , I 've learned way too much about diesel engines this week . Thanks go out to Dave , Patrick , Sean , Chris , Richard , Kenny , and anyone else who stuck his hands and head into my engine . We hope to go out this weekend and test it with a run to the bay and a nice sail around . . It was a long wet week last week , Deana and I spent all week hunkered down trying to stay dry , oh well , it happens . Not much else to report , I feel o . k . most of the time , I 'm looking forward to getting back to work in the near future and feeling more like my old self . I 'm grateful to be alive and getting stronger everyday ! " A wet sheet and a flowing sea , / A wind that follows fast / And fills the white and rustling sail / And bends the gallant mast . " ~ Allan Cunningham Well - the rain managed to continue all week long . We didn 't get one single day without some rain and most days it rained all day long ( non - stop ) . We still haven 't gotten the boat engine to run . We have managed to spend a lot of money in trying to get her started . You know - B . O . A . T . - Break Out Another Thousand . Seems like it this week . Maybe I can get Troy to post with the details later , in case anyone is interested . Some of our girls came down to send some time with us - Tori , Sam , Zada and Kayla . With the boat engine not running and the constant rain , you can only imagine how crowded it is in the boat with 6 people . We are still managing to enjoy ourselves . If the current rain storm lets up we have shrimp to boil . I am watching the radar intently . The best thing one can do when it 's raining is to let it rain . ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow It rained non stop all day . . . well at least until about 3 : 00 or 4 : 00 in the afternoon . We did manage to get caught up on our sleep . That 's a good thing , at least for me since I seem to be needing some extra beauty rest lately ! The sun finally made an appearance in the late afternoon and we took a nice dinghy ride . The lake was smooth and the ride was really enjoyable since Troy was feeling good and we were wanting to get out of the boat that enjoy some of the day . The forecast is not looking too promising for the week . I guess we will just take it as it comes ! Troy still has his good times and his bad times . Usually all in the same day . He will feel good for a few hours then , usually after he eats , he will start to feel really bad and need to lay down and rest for a while . Even with the rain , it 's good to be here on the boat with him and spend some time together that doesn 't involve hospitals and doctor appointments . Tuesday will be our tenth wedding anniversary . It 's been a wonderful 10 years and we are looking forward to many more to come . We are usually in Isla Mujeres Mexico for our anniversary , but we knew that Troy wouldn 't be up to making the trip yet . Maybe later this year - we 'll have to see . Our wedding was many years ago . The celebration continues to this day . ~ Gene Perret Friday finally came and Deana and I are at our boat , It 's stuck at the dock right now , I replaced a lift pump and tried to get the fuel system bled of air but then my battery bank died so now I have to replace them ! ! There 's always something to fix . We watched fireworks last night and hung out at the dock with friends until bedtime . It looks like a rainy weekend , but we will be here all week so maybe we can get the boat engine running , get the batteries relaced and have time for a little fun too ! Tuesday is our 10th anniversary ! We made it back from Fort Worth after a great visit with Troy 's family - his mom , sister and brother in law . They had not seen him since his cancer treatments and surgery . They had seen pictures and followed the blog , but I don 't think that really prepared them for how much weight he has lost and how different he looks . We don 't get to seen them as often as we would like to and we really enjoyed visiting with them and spending time catching up . Troy did really well this weekend . He even drove all the way to Fort Worth and back . I have a feeling that 's because he couldn 't stand the thought of riding in the truck with me in the driver 's seat for 4 hours at a time ! Troy and I just shared some Chinese take out for dinner . He ate his portion without any trouble . He opened the fortune cookie and his fortune said ( are you ready for this ? ) - " Good health will be yours for a long time . " He has made everything beautiful in its time . He has also set eternity in the hearts of men ; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end . Ecclesiastes 3 : 11 We 're headed to Cow Town this weekend to visit Troy 's family , his mom , sister ( Tammy ) , brother - in - law ( Dan ) and hopefully we will get to see Samantha too . Tori will be going with us and we are looking forward to visiting with everyone . We haven 't been able to visit since Troy got sick so we are definitely past due and I think his mommy is missing her little boy ! Troy is still getting just a little better every day . He seems to do pretty well in the mornings , but he doesn 't feel too well in the afternoon and evening . I wonder if it 's me ? I 'm gone to work in the mornings and get home just in time for him to start feeling bad ! Hopefully he hasn 't developed an allergy to me ! I think the hardest part right now is figuring out how / what to eat . Some things he can eat fine one time and it will make him sick the next time he eats the same thing . I sure hope that will get better with time . I think his body needs to get used to the new size and shape of his stomach , not the mention the position it 's in now . To the outside world we all grow old . But not to brothers and sisters . We know each other as we always were . We know each other 's hearts . We share private family jokes . We remember family feuds and secrets , family griefs and joys . We live outside the touch of time . ~ Clara Ortega We spent all day - 9 : 00 am until 4 : 30 pm - at the medical center . Blood work and doctor appointments and waiting and more waiting . Troys blood work was all pretty good considering the radiation , chemo and surgery that he has been through . We thought that we would find out whether the oncologist wanted Troy to have another round of chemo . While we were dreading what we would hear at least we would know what is in store in the next month or so . Unfortunately , he still hasn 't decided whether he wants another round . Dr . Jac will take Troy 's case back to the tumor board in the next week or so and they will decide there whether another round of chemo would be beneficial . The other not so great news from the oncologist was to continue with the daily blood thinner shots for at least another month . Those are no fun ! The doctor will schedule a CT Scan next month and scans every 3 months for the next year . The appointment with the surgeon went a little better . He removed the feeding tube ! This is the first time since March that Troy hasn 't had some sort of tube attached to him . What a relief that is - to be completely tube free ! A Short History of Medicine2000 B . C . - " Here , eat this root . " 1000 B . C . - " That root is heathen , say this prayer . " 1850 A . D . - " That prayer is superstition , drink this potion . " 1940 A . D . - " That potion is snake oil , swallow this pill . " 1985 A . D . - " That pill is ineffective , take this antibiotic . " 2000 A . D . - " That antibiotic is artificial . Here , eat this root . " ~ Author UnknownThe appearance of a disease is swift as an arrow ; its disappearance slow , like a thread . ~ Chinese Proverb We had a great weekend . Troy is definitely feeling better everyday . He had a good day on Saturday ( with the exception of our boat motor breaking down ) . We had our friends Robert and Carolyn spend the weekend with us on the boat and we all went to the Latitudes and Attitudes First Annual Gulf Coast Cruisers Party . What a long name for a party ! Troy had a great time listening to the live music ( Eric Stone Band ) and we stayed at the party until 11 : 00 pm ! Everyone had a good time . I was happy that Troy stayed out of bed for most of the day on Saturday . I think that 's the day I was looking for . The first one where he is out of bed more than he is in bed . That shows definite improvement . He is still having trouble sometimes when he eats - he feels sick afterwards . But it 's good to see him feeling better . We are spending all day Monday at the Medical Center with several doctor appointments . I will be sure to post again later tonight with the latest news . Don 't dream your life , live your dream . ~ Bob Bitchin May I present : Josh and Shawn Tennyson : Everything went as planned . Even the weather cooperated and the rain held off until the afternoon . Congratulations to the Bride and Groom ! The highest happiness on earth is marriage . ~ William Lyon Phelps Posted by But it 's getting closer ! It 's been a crazy - busy week at work , but I 'm off work tomorrow and we are heading down to the boat . I think it 's supposed to rain most of the weekend , but we 're hoping most of it passes us by . I 'm glad to have a day off and we are looking forward to the weekend and relaxing tomorrow . We have a busy weekend planned , so hopefully tomorrow will be relaxing . Troy is doing better every day . I 'm starting to be able to see the difference day by day . He even worked in his shop for a little bit this evening . It 's good to see him with sawdust on his shirt again ! For Shawn & Josh : Love one another and you will be happy . It 's as simple and as difficult as that . ~ Michael Leunig Well a little good news for a change , Troy went two days without pain medication ! Still , every time I think he is doing better he will start to feel bad again . His scars are healing nicely , but he still has quite a bit of pain . Most of his problems now seem to be fatigue and nausea . It 's good to see a little bit of improvement . We 'll take what we can get . He has appointments with the oncologist and surgeon on Monday . We are hoping that the surgeon will remove the feeding tube . It would be wonderful to get rid of that one last tube ! We think we will also find out if the oncologist wants to have Troy undergo one more round of chemo . It depends on what all the doctors on the Tumor Board decide . We really dread the thought of more chemo , but whatever it takes to make sure the cancer doesn 't come back . We have big plans this weekend . My oldest daughter , Shawn is getting married , just a simple ceremony at a park . We will be gaining a son in law , Josh . We are happy for both of them . We are also planning a big weekend at the boat . Saturday night is a Gulf Coast Cruiser 's Party for Latitudes and Attitudes ( a sailing / cruising magazine that we love to read ) and we are moving our boat over to the marina where the party is taking place . We have our friends Robert and Carolyn coming to spend the weekend with us . I sure hope Troy will feel well enough to enjoy some of the activities . At least if he feels bad he will be able to rest on the boat . I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind . Some come from ahead and some come from behind . But I 've bought a big bat . I 'm all ready you see . Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me ! ~ Dr . Seuss It 's been an uneventful weekend . We stayed on the boat all weekend and Troy rested and worked on feeling better . I managed to install our brand new macerator pump . ( We are back to flushing - that 's a relief ! ) Troy spent most of the days resting . He seems to be making some progress . His voice is getting better everyday , but he still has coughing spells every now and then and it 's not only painful , it affects his voice too . He 's also having a little bit of difficulty eating . Sometimes he feels really sick after eating and unfortunately the feeling lasts for quite a while . We knew to expect this , but knowing about something doesn 't necessarily make it easier to deal with . I 've been a little discouraged lately because it 's hard to see if he 's making any real progress . Fortunately all our friends here say that he is looking so much better than he was last weekend . I guess it 's difficult to see the day by day progress , but it 's good to have a different perspective from people who haven 't seen him in a week . We had a great dock party on Saturday night , lots of good friends and good fun , unfortunately Troy missed most of if . He just didn 't feel well enough to participate . I can 't wait to get my Troy back . I miss him alot ! I had to make a change to the " About Us " section of the blog . I was reading it this afternoon and I realized that I needed to change the part about Troy battling esophageal cancer . The truth now is that he is an esophageal cancer survivor ! Of course , he 's been a survivor of esophageal cancer since the very day that tumor started to grow . The good news now is the cancer is gone from his body . I praise the Lord for those answered prayers . There are chapters in every life which are seldom read and certainly not aloud . ~ Carol Shields We almost made it through the week ! Troy 's progress is still really slow . He has good days and not so good days . Today was a not so good day . He 's not feeling good this evening , kinda nauseous . It 's been a long week for both of us . We are looking forward to getting down to the boat tomorrow evening and relax for the weekend . My macerator pump came in today . I 'll be sure to report back on my success with the installation . It can only be success , no room for failure . I need to flush ! ! ! ! A little good news - Troy 's voice is getting a little better . Just a little , but it 's good to see any kind of improvement . He still coughs if the talks too much and he sounds really hoarse and raspy but it 's good to see any kind of improvement . Any emotion , if it is sincere , is involuntary . ~ Mark Twain Mondays - don 't ya love ' em ? Glad to have this one over . It was a busy day at work and Troy still isn 't feeling very well . I think he made it through the whole day without pain medication so that is something good to report . Even though the pain is under some control he just feels kinda blah . I just asked him how he felt and the said " right this second , poorly but overall better today " . He just looks so sad . I can 't wait for him to feel good again . I want my Troy back . I know God will not give me anything I can 't handle . I just wish that He didn 't trust me so much . ~ Mother Teresa We spent the weekend at our boat . I think it was good for Troy to get out of the house and to spend some time at the boat . He mostly napped and read books , but I do believe that being on the water and on the boat did him some good . It was good to visit with our friends - we miss y ' all ! We are both discouraged by the amount of time the healing process is taking . We are impatient for him not to feel pain with every movement . His voice is still really raspy and it 's difficult for him to talk too much . Sometimes when he talks it brings on a coughing spell and that spells agony for him . I have to brag on myself a little . Last time we were on the boat we were just getting ready to leave and the macerator pump quit working . For all the landlubbers reading this post , that means no more flushing . Of course it 's really important that everything you put in the head ( toilet ) goes away quickly - for obvious reasons . Well - Troy is definitely the " fix it " guy in our family . He can fix anything so I rarely need to worry myself with this kind of problem . Anyway , at the moment he can 't even bend over , much less squat down into the small space behind the head and remove the broken pump . I managed to get the old pump off without too much trouble . I used tools and everything ! It was a messy job , but somebody had to do it . Only problem was that we couldn 't find a replacement pump at the boat supply store . I am ordering one online and looking forward to completing the project . If , that is , you can really look forward to working on a toilet ! By the way - when I checked the blog this afternoon we had 1 , 111 hits ! That 's cool ! Thanks everyone - for your thoughts and prayers . We always thank God for all of you , mentioning you in our prayers . 1 Thessalonians 1 : 2 Hi Gang , Troy here , I thought I 'd post a quick note to let y ' all know we 're good here , this is a longer process than I thought it would be , I was just sure I 'd be up and running around by now , but it 's not going to happen , I 'll be fine I 'm sure , but this may take a while ! ! Deana went back to work today and I sure missed having her around , She 's my blessing ! ! We both look forward to getting back to boat stuff , there are all kind of events happening right now that we wanted to participate in with the TMCA , we 'll just have to ease back into the active lifestyle . Thanks friends for all the thoughts , prayers and help . Y ' all are the best ! ! I hope everyone is enjoying this wonderful holiday and giving a little thought to why we celebrate this day . Thanks to all the wonderful heroes of our country ! Troy is still improving little by little . We both thought he would be further along in his recovery by now , but the pain has been lingering longer and more severely than we anticipated . It 's a double edged sword . He needs to get up and move around , but it hurts to do so . The nights are difficult too . He is making progress though . I was just thinking this morning about how we haven 't had much time to let it sink in but - Troy is free of cancer ! What a wonderful feeling . It seems like we have been living in a sort of dream world during his recovery from surgery . First in the hospital and now at home . Maybe it will sink in more as we resume our daily lives and get back to work and sailing and enjoying life . We are looking forward to a great summer on the water . They are dead ; but they live in each Patriot 's breast , And their names are engraven on honor 's bright crest . ~ Henry Wadsworth LongfellowHow important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she - roes ! ~ Maya Angelou Hey everyone ! Happy Memorial Day Weekend and congratulations to all the graduates . My niece Amy is graduating today . Also , family friends Cassie , Amber and Allison . What a year ! Troy is doing better everyday but the nights are still difficult . The pain is difficult to manage at night . He is anxious to get some strength back and get back to doing some " normal " things . Remember ladies : It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are . ~ e . e . cummingsYou 're awesome Amy - we love you ! Way to go . We are both really glad to be home . Not much new to report . Troy had a difficult night last night . He is really in a lot of pain , especially during the night when he is trying to sleep . Hopefully that will start to get better soon . He has been eating pretty well , so that is encouraging . He is a little disappointed that his recovery isn 't going faster . The doctors said to give it about 2 months for recovery , but I think he secretly thought that he would be ready to go in a couple of weeks . He is amazed at how much his energy is zapped just to make it downstairs and walk out into his shop . We are just trying to stay focused on the positive outcome that we know is right within our reach . Just remember - Life is good . ~ Jake Home at last ! We got home at about 4 : 30 this afternoon . It 's great to be here . Troy isn 't feeling very well this evening , but it 's been a long day for him . He 's dealing with quite a bit of pain and his stomach is upset . Hopefully he will get a good night of rest in his own bed and will feel better in the morning . I am happy to report that Troy received his Coast Guard Certificate while we were in the hospital . Now I must refer to him as Cap ' n Troy at all times ! There 's no place like home ! ~ Dorothy ( Judy Garland ) in The Wizard of Oz Troy is still doing well and making good progress in the healing process . The chest tube and one other drain tube was removed today . The heart monitor was also removed . That leaves only the central IV line and of course the feeding tube . He is finally free to move around as nothing is attaching him to any machines or IV poles . He even got out of that hospital gown today ! He has been feeling quite a bit more pain since they removed the epidural yesterday . He had so much pain last night that the doctors finally agreed to give him morphine in order to help get control over it . He 's doing better this morning , but we are definitely staying " on top " of the pain using several medications . The surgeon came in and spent quite a bit of time going over the pathology reports . I don 't think we could have asked for better results . No cancer in the lymph nodes and , according to Dr . Ramchandani , he removed lots of lymph nodes for biopsy . The tumor had shrunk considerably and , if I understood the medical terminology , it had shrunk to what they call pre cancer cells , meaning that the radiation and chemo killed all the cancer cells and the surgery removed the remaining tumor . Praise God ! ! ! ! ! ! You 're in pretty good shape for the shape you are in . ~ Dr . Seuss This is the story of Troy and Deana . We love each other , we love to sail and cruise on our boat , we love our life . Life is good . We live aboard our 41 foot Morgan Out Island named Storyville and are currently cruising in the Caribbean and living our dream . We are trusting God 's plan for our life and looking forward to many years of sailing and living life to its fullest ! |
Hey everybody . Thanks for all the kind words about the blog . Wow , this has been some week . So many goodbyes . And as I am a person who has moved a lot , I know the truth is that it is highly unlikely I shall ever return . And the truth is I have spent this week in an emotional coma . Most of the time I couldn 't feel anything . I was just numb . I 've had a few tears , but they haven 't lasted long . I had a Farewell party with Skyland last night . I said goodbye to Hiroyo on Wednesday ( she cried ) . I 've been given so many gifts by my students I would need an extra suitcase to fit them all in if I was keeping them all . One of the moms cried yesterday after class . She just kept saying how her son , Jidai , had known me his whole life . Tomorrow the girls from Sony are coming to pick me up to take me to the bus station . And them when I get off the bus I shall be met by Yuma , Yoko and Mikio Suzuki , Yoko 's mother Miyoshi , and Miyoshi 's boyfriend a . k . a . Puppy . They will have taken an earlier bus ( why they aren 't driving is beyond me ) . They are making a day of it to visit the airport . This is not uncommon . Many Japanese head to the airport as a destination in itself and have a spot of dinner . Go figure . But tonight was the biggest goodbyes . After saying goodbye to my last class ( which was very difficult ) I headed to Foo - Rin for another Going Away Party . Junko , Toshi , Hiromi , Kayo , The Suzukis and O ' Goody came for a private party . We laughed and shared our favorite memories . And all to quickly it came to an end . They attempted to start suggesting we do something else after the dinner . And we almost went bowling ( even though O ' Goody has a broken arm and Mikio has a broken finger ) , but some of the others nixed the idea . And I decided it was best just to say goodbye . So we took some quick photos , the Foo - Rin folks gave me a t - shirt , we made some jokes and hugged with tears in our eyes . And then I got on my bicycle and rode off into the night . Goodbye . Thanks for coming to my Blog Going Away Party . Here , have a drink . Have you met my mother , she makes the most comments on my blog . Or have you met An Englishman in Osaka , he 's a blog neighbor . Okay , all you lurkers , and non - lurkers . This is your last chance to make a comment , as I leave in a few days . I 'd love here what your favorite part of my blog was - a picture , a story , my witty descriptions of life ? No need to tell me your least favorite bits , as blogging is soon to be a thing of the past for me . Blogging was a real experience for me , and turns out I am not a writer . I always liked doing the photos though , so maybe I 'm a photographer . But writing it not easy , nor particularly enjoyable for me . This actually came as a surprise to me . Nonetheless folks , let 's here from you . I 'm a little on the bummed side , so I could use some uplifting of my spirits . Yesterday I got to meet Teo for the first time . Shosei was kind enough to drive me out to Iwata , where Yukie and the new baby are staying for 6 weeks . It 's traditional for a daughter to return to her parents house for a month or two after the birth of a baby . Yukie and Teo got off to a rough start . He made her sick for the entire pregnancy , and he demands more milk than her body can provide , and he came a month early ( while her parents were out of the country ) . But given all these problems , Yukie still beamed the whole time I was there . And her parents were adorable and so sweet , I wanted to take them home with me . Yukie and Shosei are going to try and see me again before I leave , but with Teo now in charge , it 's not definite . So , it might have been a hello and good - bye meeting . Who knows ? Out of the blue the mother of one of my students handed me a note , inviting me to dinner at her house . Her English isn 't great , so I think someone else wrote the note . But I was so touched , and her little boy is so adorable and sweet that I couldn 't resist . It turned out to rather pleasant . She invited her neighbor , who speaks English quite well , and her husband 's English was pretty good . When I arrived at the house her husband was hard at work cooking ( another Japanese man who cooks ) . Shoukei , the 3 year old student of mine , went around pulling out every toy to show me . They cooked 3 times as much food as we could all eat , but it was delicious . Then afterwards we lit some sparklers . The whole night was really sweet . The pic above is of an interesting old factory / warehouse that was along my route to work when I first got here . But just over a year ago they started tearing it down . Now the picture below is what has been built in it 's place . It 's now a pachinko parlor and physical fitness center . Yes now you can lose weight and lose money all in the same location . Only in Japan . I had visited one half of Akiha Shrine a while back , and had hoped to hike to the other half , but I fell quite short on that plan . So this time I just drove to Akiha Part Deux . And it was quite different . The bottom shrine wasn 't much , but this was quite lovely . And it gave me a good excuse for taking a billion pictures . After visiting the better half I drove up the " Super Woods Road " to Misakubo . But it wasn 't exactly Super , I liked the other drive to Misakubo through the Myojin Gorge better . But , there was a little surprise when rounded one corner . Up on the rocks were some critters . The area is known for antelope , but these didn 't look like antelope . At one point I thought they were boar , but I eventually settle on some very stock mountain goats . Then the long drive back . But I 'm glad I did it . I don 't quite understand " Rainy Season " , when rainy season is just a rainy month - June . That would be like saying that March is the " Windy Season " . But here in Japan , they say they have 5 seasons . But I 'm used to " Seasons " having to do with the length of the day , and the position of the Earth being in orbit around the sun . And rain has nothing to do with that . But , my confusion not withstanding , the Rainy Season is in full swing . And I can 't tell you how many times I 've left the windows down in my car during this month , only to go outside and sit on wet upholstery . And when it rains , it 's not no nice cleansing 1 hour storm , but minimum 12 hours , and maximum 3 days . But , at least it means it doesn 't get hot for too long . As a matter of fact it 's kinda chilly today and I 'm wearing a sweatshirt to stay warm . Junko and her new husband invited Hiromi and me over for Sunday Brunch . They were trying out some recipes of things they ate in Spain on their Honeymoon . And they made Sangria , which was excellent . We just spent the afternoon chatting and laughing . Although I had a wonderful time , I do look forward to the time when I will understand the entire conversation , and not just when people are willing to change languages . The best part was watching Toshi do most of the cooking . I hear that it 's highly unusual for men to do anything like that here . Happy to see that Junko caught herself a good catch . Yesterday I harassed Mikio and a mother of one of my students to help me take my stuff down to the flea market to sell . But since the Japanese can 't say flea they think it 's a free market , and of course nothing about it is free . I had to pay 1500 yen in advance to reserve a space . Mikio came the night before to tell me more about what to expect . We would be given a spot 2 meters by 2 meters . No overflowing the spot . All merchandise must be in place by 9 : 30 , even though it doesn 't start until 10 . Well , that was gonna be a problem . And be prepared that nobody was going to buy anything , so don 't expect to make any money . Mikio was completely freaking out . All my stuff would not fit in that space , we couldn 't make it by 9 : 30 , and we couldn 't bring anything from the cars if we sold some stuff and we had room for it , and it wouldn 't all fit in the cars anyway . I really had to insist he take a chill pill . Okay , this was gonna be a big exercise in futility . So what ? We 'll just sit around the flea market and drink cokes and make fun of people . Of course his little visit left me really upset , and not a little angry . Stupid Japanese with their weird , inflexible ways . I didn 't get to sleep until 2 am , and then woke up at 6 am so that I could start taking everything down stairs , so that when they arrived at 8 : 30 it would go that much faster . Well , let 's just say that Mikio 's contageous worry was all for naught . People were digging through the boxes and buying things faster than I could tell them the price . And this is before the market even opened . Mikio kept trying to get me to go down on prices , and I kept saying no , it wasn 't even 10 yet . I don 't start bartering til I 've had a few people pass up on something . Everything was pretty much sold by 12 , even though the market was to go on for another two hours . I only made half as much money as I paid for all this crap from my predecessor . But the weight that is off my back makes it worth it . One month from today I will be getting on a plane and leaving this bizarre and comfortable country . And I doubt I 'll be back . I 'm not really one of those persons who returns to a place they have left . Not even for visits . So , I 'm starting to wrap things up here . Starting to box things up , throw things away and pack other things . That 's a situation I 'm very used to . The newest Community Center class schedule is out . And my name is noticeably absent . So last week the bravest of mothers began to ask me about it . And it 's kinda sweet . Their faces get all concerned and confused . They all say such lovely things about me and how much their child will miss me . But this week the less brave mothers are beginning to ask too . And frequently they have very limited English skills , or none at all . But I can tell what they are asking by the look on their faces . But Saturday I had a tough one . One of my 5th graders had that look on her face . She was so serious ! And when I told her she looked absolutely heartbroken . And the worst thing is her little sister , darling Kimika , had come up to class to say hello to me . And Kimika is 5 now and just graduated out of my Starter class . So the older sister had to tell her what was happening . This is Kimika trying to look brave . Took the new camera to class . I took lots of pictures of all the kids in the class , but the best ones were all of Sakiho . I 've only known her since the beginning of the term , but she 's so fun . Love her attitude . I 'm not sorry . I know I probably shouldn 't have , but I wanted this so bad . I know I have two already , but I wanted a better one . And it wasn 't easy . I thought long and hard . But in the end , what the hell is money for if you can 't buy what you really want . And I wanted a Nikon D40 . I 've been looking at SLR for years , but I fell in love with the D40 when I was in Yamada a few weeks ago . And it turns out that I really fell in love with the " extra lens " . After a couple of failed attempts at purchasing the camera ( language barrier , un - knowledgeable sales people , fluctuating prices , etc . ) I finally came away with it at the price I wanted . These pictures were taken the first day without even leaving my apartment . I 'm still just practicing with it , but I really love it . The clearness and the colors are exactly what I was hoping for . My only thing I don 't love is that the small lens is really the same size as the big lens . Seems wrong somehow . Oh , well , nothing is perfect , but this seems to be close enough . It 's horrible . It has invaded into my life . But nobody believes me . I 'm convinced my computer has a virus , but none of the detection devices can find it . It 's making my computer go so slow that I can 't do many of the things that I want . . . no need to do to keep me sane . I have 50 gig free , so that 's not it . I defragged the computer , so that 's not it . I scan my computer daily , and it can 't find the ghost virus . I can 't Flickr , I can 't watch any media clips , I can 't listen to NPR , I can 't play games . I can get my email and I can watch DVD 's . But that 's about it . I 'm going crazy . No matter how foreign or exotic a place you move to , eventually you get used to it . For the most part , that is . But every so often something reminds you that you are a stranger here , and that you don 't really understand what 's going on . Of course you get used to not understanding what 's going on , too . The other day I was sitting in front of my computer when I heard this strange chanting going on . It took awhile to sink in . But eventually I got up to look out the window . And there were the neighbors , and a Shinto priest and his assistant performing some sort of ceremony . I 've seen these once or twice while driving , but only for a brief glance . I assume they are blessing the ground where a new building will be built . But this one was right out my window . I had to grab the camera and start capturing the moment . It also appears that the engineers or architects were also present . Just another of those Stranger Reminders . I think it was pretty cool , they thought it was pretty ordinary . Another neighbor 's house has been torn down . The first neighbor 's house was ages ago , and I was actually quite happy to see them leave . Frightful screaming and raucous noises coming from there at all hours . But my other neighbors were quite nice . They certainly weren 't silent , but it was never a bother . I 'm pretty sure it was a grandmother , 2 of her grown children and their respective spouses , and their various children . In a small two story house . Laundry was always present . But they were nice and always smiled warmly and said good morning . And then they were gone , and a wrecking crew demolished the house . The crew were nice , but always in my way when I was coming or going . I think I saw that the family took a temporary place just down the road , so I 'm glad to know they are still around . But currently my aparto look out only onto empty lots . I haven 't been able to go to Nakatajima on Thursdays so far this year . The weather had stayed pretty cool way into Spring , and even if we did have nice weather it was never on a Thursday . But last Thursday was different . Finally some nice weather ! And after my lousy week I needed it . So there I was shortly before having to get back for my last class , walking along the surf , when I spotted the tiniest little baby turtle . I thought it was kinda early for baby turtles , but what do I know ? So I walked over and picked it up , looked at it 's tiny little face and then returned to the spot I found it . I continued down the beach when it dawned on me that that wasn 't a sea turtle . At least I don 't think so . So I turned around to look for it . And it was still there . So I picked it up to look at it again . It definitely had claw feet and now flippers . It looked alot like those pet turtles we all had when we were kids , but I don 't know much about turtles . But I was pretty sure this was a fresh water turtle , and it would die in the ocean . So I picked it up and set off for the Nature Center . The guy there had sufficient English to confirm my hunch that this was a pet turtle that someone decided they didn 't want after all and abandoned it at the ocean . Once again , I am amazed at the stupidity and callousness of the human species . Am I particularly brilliant in knowing that something that lives in fresh water cannot live in salt water ? The Nature Center guy didn 't want anything to do with it , and confirmed that it was a Mississippi Red Eared Slider , but said that it was a Japanese turtle , and I could take him to a river . Well , 1 ) I had to get to class and 2 ) I don 't think anything with Mississippi in it 's name is native to Japan . So turtle and I headed to class . O ' Goody helped me find something to put him in that was waterproof . The salt had already done some damage to his shell and it was starting to curl up . So I rinsed him thoroughly and kept him in the container where he would stay moist and rest his weary little bones from figposted by Natalie @ 3 : 28 PM So , how do I handle stress and depression ? TV therapy . So after taking the kitten off and having a bad class , I was looking forward to sitting down at my computer and watching some good old British Classics on TVGold . TVGold let me re - watch some old shows that I hadn 't seen in awhile ( Red Dwarf , Chef ! ) . It turned me onto some shows I 'd never heard of ( Brush Strokes ) . And even showed me how some shows I thought I liked had not aged very well at all ( Solo , Butterflies ) . And then there was " As Time Goes By " which is delightful , but I only ever caught an episode here or there . But , as you can tell , I have been writing this in the past tense . Yes , the Intellectual Property Cops raided the place , and I can no longer be solaced in this way any longer . It depresses me . . . where shall I turn for help ? People Suck ! I didn 't sleep all that well . Having a tiny kitten next to you makes you a little nervous about rolling over and crushing her . And then every occasionally she wakes up and wishes you were her Mama , and she starts to knead you , with very sharp claws . Or she is just so damn happy to be warm and fed that she starts to purr a rumble so loud as to make you think there are aircraft buzzing your bed . But other than that , the night went smoothly . And then 10 o ' clock next morning we were off to a friend 's house , so that she could take us to the shelter . The shelter wasn 't what I am used to . It was an office on the third floor of a city office building . Where they took her with a begrudging smile and told us that she would , indeed , be put to sleep . Is this the face of an angel ? It is now . We all know that if you don 't spay or neuter your animal , that there will be babies . So to not take this precaution is idiocy . Then , to let said animal get pregnant , give birth , and then take said babies and dump them , where they will almost assuredly die of starvation , exposure , disease or be ripped to shreds by another animal is nothing less than cruel . People Suck ! I almost made it out of the country without having to deal with this particular pitfall . I was so close . But today it happened . While riding my bike home I was passing the park when I heard a sound . A sound I know all too well . A sound that sends dread into my heart . The persistent sound of a desperate cry from an abandoned kitten . I stopped my bike and called out , and started to meow back at the bushes where the sound was coming from . And shortly a cute little nose peaked out at me . It took a few steps towards me , but then froze . It only took a couple of minutes , but shortly I had it scruffed and on my shoulder . It was not easy walking my bike back with only one hand , and a crying kitten in the other , but eventually we arrived . Rinako has agreed to help me take it to the shelter tomorrow , but for the moment I am stuck with it . I bought a can of cat food and watered it down . The kitten meowed the whole time it was scarfing down the food . I created a litter box from a pie pan that was left in the apartment and put some dirt in it . The little guy has finally shut up and is sleeping exhaustedly on my bare legs . Each time it curls up it 's paws I about go through the roof in pain . But I 'm so thankful it 's finally asleep . I 'm teaching " D is for Dog " this week . In Japanese the sound a dog makes is Wa Wa . Not so far from Bow - Wow . And a puppy is called a wa - chan , even though a dog is called an inu . After teaching them D and then Dog , I point to the cat and say meow , and then point to the dog and start barking . I use more of an " arf " than a " bow - wow " . I run around the room , barking and jumping , and then come to the front of the room again and start to wag my hind end and pant like a dog . And repeat . They quite love it , and a few will even imitate me . Then we get back to work , and they get their crayons out and color the " D is for Dog " copy for the day . I then go to each individual child and ask what is this ? pointing to the D , and again for the dog . If the child answers in Japanese , I don 't tell him that he 's wrong , I just ask for the English word . Well , I got to one certain little boy and asked him my questions , and he answered " wa - wa " . So I asked him to tell me the English word . Instead of saying dog , he jumped up and said " arf arf " and wagged his little hind end . And sent me and his mother into convulsions of laughter . He looked a little confused and hurt . Wasn 't that right ? Which only made us laugh harder . I got a grip on myself , and had him repeat the word " dog " a couple of times . I sure hope he gets it , or it could be quite embarrassing for him when he gets older . Last week was " C is for Cat " and that means the reappearance of the face paints . It 's always interesting to see who is a big yowa - mushi ( Japanese for chicken , timid ) . You just never know . Kids you think would of course want their faces painted , and are outgoing and always the first to try something , will run behind their mothers and beg not to have it done . Then other kids who have never said " boo " to me , will run up and be really gung - ho . People are unpredictable , and I guess kids are people , too . Here 's a few photos . |
Well , I seem to have a nasty flu virus . Taking form in the stomach issues and a headache , and a new sort of exhaustion that makes me want to cry when I have to be awake . This sucks . So I 'm here at the office , ready to warn everyone else that if they want me to stay here , then they probably shouldn 't come here , because they could likely catch this little piece of shit virus . Unless they want to feel incredibly ill and unhappy in a couple of days . But what I 'm really hoping for is that my icky co - worker will come in eventually and let me go home and go back to bed . Doubtful that will happen , though . What this effectively ruins for me , though , is a fun day of watching football , drinking a few beers , having a yummy dinner and hanging out with Dave . I MUST be better before tomorrow ! ! That 's just the way it has to be , dammit . I 'm losing my mind . The stomach thing has gotten worse with it 's spiky behavior ( at least it 's mellow right now . . . ) , and now I have a headache as well . But I 'm afraid to take Advil , as I don 't want to piss the stomach off more than it already is . Sheesh ! On top of that , work is exploding . I finally heard from the co - worker that tends to roll in late , and found out that she forgot that our other co - worker ( her assistant ) is out of the office today and tomorrow , and she 'd left her a voice mail this morning explaining her absence from the office . So she calls in , and I tell her that the Old Boss is home sick this morning ( he said he had a bad night last night . The guy has cysts on his liver and stomach that can 't be removed , and they got bigger over the last month , which is no good . . . ) , and she tells me what 's going on to maybe be making the cyst thing worse ( HR stuff that I can 't go into , but it sucks . Big time . ) , and my stomach pains start to spike when I hear that ( and apparently when I think about it , as they are going nuts right now . . . ) , so now I know that stress makes the stomach thing worse , too . Goodie . I want to quit my job right this minute . On principle . Which is not a good reason to quit a job , really . Well , unless it 's a really , really shitty job ( which this is not , overall ) , and you 're directly effected by the issues at hand , which is sorta true in this case for me , but not so much from a different perspective . See , I 've worked with the Old Boss for 3 years now . He 's the man that hired me . I love him like he 's an extended part of the family , and I think he 's a great guy who cares a lot about the company and it 's success . He 's been royally shafted by said company , IMO , over the past few months , it 's obviously taken it 's toll on him , and it 's so very hard to watch happen ! I can 't stand for it any more . But I have to ! ! I wish I could say to the New Boss ( who I also respect in a lot of ways , but I also have issue with many of the things he 's doing right now in this transition period we 're dealing with . . . ) that I think the things he 's allowing to happen are despicable , and that due to the fact that Old Boss is being treated the way he is , I simply need to speak up and say that it 's not right . We wanted to fire a manager in one of the branches , and that got reversed ( some say it 's because the New Boss and the Manager We Wanted to Fire are good buddies , but I digress . . . ) , and then New Boss is allowing Manager We Wanted to Fire to hire their goddammed SPOUSE to work under them in their office . Which is totally not cool . Not at all . This person is a snake , and so is their spouse . Then we had another manager we wanted to demote , because said manager is an outright IDIOT , and is giving faulty info to their new employees , and retains little information that is passed on to them about policy and procedure , and is generally very frustrating to work with , and clearly cannot remain in a management position . So we didn 't fire this manager , but rather we asked them to step down . And that was two weeks ago . Yesterday , HR tells us that we can 't do that . And we hear that New Boss is sort of not caring about it much , and would be fine with this manager staying in the current position of manager forever , for all he cares . Um , even I have numerous e - mails I can provide to both New Boss and HR to show just how mentally challenged this manager is , and why it is they should be asked to step down . There are 4 of us who could provide several differAnyway , I 'm in a bad spot . And I 'm tired of it . I have a call in to the trusted bro - in - law that I used to work for , so I can ask his advice on what he 'd do / advise me to do in this case . I don 't think I can just stand by and watch it any more . It 's literally hurting my Old Boss , and it 's starting to hurt me , even . Man , can I just watch some football now , yo ? Tony O . published a post of mine from a couple of months ago in The Pitch 's Backwash today . It 's a nice way to end the year , I think . . . getting my prophesy out there to all the folks that might need to hear it . Even if it is a teeny - tiny part of all the common sense I tried to spew forth on this blog over the past 8 months , it 's quite an honor to be recognized like that , and I appreciate it a great deal . I have a tummy ache , and I don 't know why . I ate normally last night , and this morning . I kind of woke up with it , is the thing . And I just do NOT understand why I 've been dealing with this sort of stuff a bunch lately . I got sick from dinner on Christmas , for some reason . And then I felt all sour again on Monday . At least it gave me a break on Tuesday and Wednesday , I s ' pose . But that 's exactly how I would describe it , too . It 's a sour feeling I have . Except today , little pangs of shooting pain are accompanying the sourness . I haven 't been drinking too much of anything in particular ( alcohol has been limited to just a couple of drinks a night . . . ' tis the season , after all ; Diet Coke is on it 's normal plan , really ) , and salads haven 't been wildly out of control ( sometimes I get nutty over salads , and then my body freaks out at the amount of lettuce it has to digest , and it just stops digesting it . Lovely , eh ? Anyway . . . ) , so I don 't get it . I 've been eating chicken mostly , so it 's not a red meat thing ( which can get on my tummy 's nerves now and again . No warning or reason behind it , really . . . ) . What can it beeeeee ? ? ? Maybe I 'm out of balance ? I haven 't eaten much of any fruit in it 's " raw " form for several days . Perhaps I have scurvy ? Naw . . . I 've been taking my vitamins , so that can 't be it . But the fruit thing would be important , I 'd think . I 'll stop and pick up my apples on my way home today , fo sho . OW ! That pang hurt , dammit . Fuck you stomach ! ! What have I done to you , anyway ? Tell me , you bastard , or I 'll be forced to feed you nothing but rice for the next several days , you big jerk ! ! GAH ! Hope everyone is having a lovely week . I , for one , am glad it 's almost over . And then it 's a 3 - day weekend , thank goodness . : ) Love these holidays . . . Dickhead called me again tonight . . . he 's driving to southern Kansas tonight , and wanted to know if I wanted any " company " before he headed out of town . ( That 's his code phrase for telling me he 's horny and he needs some lovin ' . ) Unfortunately , I 'm not feeling it toward him right now . Not only did I have plans to meet my bartender friend for a drink before she heads home for New Year 's tomorrow , but I have 3 loads of laundry to do ( good Lord . . . that 's THREE ! loads , I said ! ) , and I need to wash my hair , which can 't happen until tomorrow morning , because one of the loads of laundry is towels , and I 'm not showering and drying my hair after 9 . Well , maybe I 'm not . . . if I shower tonight , that means I can sleep in tomorrow . Hmm . . . Dave then called while I was out with the bartender friend . Wanted to know if I was watching the Colorado game ( which I was ) , which he assumed I wasn 't , since I wasn 't home . Hm . Here 's a guy I hang out with primarily at a bar while watching football . Why he thinks I might be doing something OTHER than hanging out at a bar watching football if I 'm not home to answer my phone is beyond me . Anyway . . . I called him back , and he wanted to know if I would come over . I said I couldn 't , because of the laundry and the need to shower , etc , etc . . . But I sure wish I could . Man . . . it 's hard to say no when you don 't wanna . Dammit . I called Dave back a couple of minutes after I hung up the phone , and it went right into voice mail , so I left him a message asking him if he 'd want to watch the Cal game tomorrow night . Because that 's something I 'd definitely be up for ! I don 't think I should watch it alone . Cal . Must . Go . DOOOOWWWN ! ! ! Hopefully , he 'll be up for that . We 'll see . It 's too bad Dickhead isn 't into sports the way Dave is . He 'd be a better man for me if he was . But I told him that if he needs a place to crash on Friday , I 'll likely be home . He 's going to some party a little southeast of here , and while he 's not much of a drinker , I 'd feel much better if he agreed to stay in my part of town with either me or his best friend ( whom we shall call " Bitch " from here forward . . . ) rather than drive all the way home . My night will end at about 9 at the Moose , it seems , unless Dave steps up and asks me to hang out with him . He 's getting better at it , I think . Tonight , when I called him back after I first got home , I told him what I was up to , and then started to say goodbye . He said , " So that 's it ? " I said , " Ummm . . . how was your day ? " I didn 't know what he wanted me to say ! Turned out he was fishing for me to invite myself over . After we talked a bit more , he finally asked me if I was going to be able to hang out with him . I had to turn him down , though . Not only do I need some " me time " , but I look like utter hell , and I really have to get the laundry done . Really . So I 'm feeling a bit out there tonight . I know that Dickhead 's was just a booty call phone call , but usually it 's me calling him for it , so that was a nice change . And if Dave was looking for more of what we had last night , then we 're on the same page . And I think that not being available to be there every time he wants it ( just like he 's been doing to me for the past 2 months , FYI . . . ) is a good thing overall . Last time he showed me attention for a couple of days in a row , I got carried away with it , and it really messed things up . So I 'm not going to fall for that this time . Nuh - uh . . . I have a zit on my chest . . . right at the top of my left boob where the cleavage starts . It 's not really a zit , though . It 's just a bright red bump that appeared a couple of days ago , but isn 't doing anything except bugging me really . But it looks like a zit . I am also absolutely FULL of air today . Could be the whole decompression of the body after a full day of travel yesterday , I guess . But it 's starting to get on my nerves . I 've got WAYYYY too much to do , and I 'd much prefer to do it all without feeling like I 'm some sort of over - inflated balloon from hell , thank you very much . Bleh . Ok , so my vacation in Cali was a bit hectic at times , and fun at others , and generally relaxing , I suppose . Leaving for the airport was an ordeal yesterday morning , but there were so many people running about , and for some reason , Dad thought it 'd be a good idea to make the oldest sister and her fiance rush to get ready , try to cram all of my stuff into their car with theirs , and have them drive me to the airport , even though I 'd told them the night before that I wasn 't going with them , and they didn 't have to worry about it . It was a frustrating start to the day for lots of people and it was unnecessary . But the step - mom offered to drive me at the very last second , and she got me there on time , gave me some cash just in case my flight was delayed again like last time ( I didn 't have time to hit the ATM , and I refuse to pay money to get money from ATMs that aren 't associated with my bank ) , hugged me and I was on my way . The flight was perfect , and I got home on time . It was a good day . I want to apologize to the friends I had really hoped to hook up with . I was feeling very hermity and homebodyish the entire time I was home this time . I really should 've taken the time to get out and away from the fam once or twice , but it just never panned out , so I 'm sorry ! ! ! Hope you all had a fabu and fun Christmas weekend , and that your week is going well . ( Happy birthday , Lyn ! ! ! ! I hope you have a really , really , REALLY great day today and an awesome night tonight , chicky ! ! ) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dave was waiting for me when I got off the plane yesterday . He even got my bags off the carousel for me . : ) Then he dropped me at home , and we met up at the Moose for drinks a little bit after that . Apparently , I missed an eventful Christmas Eve and Christmas Day here in KC , and he told me all about it . I visited with my bartender friend a bit , had dinner , and then went home to unpack and unwind a bit more . Dickhead called me to say hi ( he 's been doing that lately . . . it 's nice , but weird . . . ) , and I called my older sister to make sure she knew that I appreciated her offer to drive me to the airport yesterday , but that there was just no way it would 've worked , etc . . . - damage control , really . She 's sensitive lately . And then I called Dave and left him a message letting him know that if he wanted to hang out and watch the Notre Dame game , or whatever , he could call me back . So he did , and we watched , and , well , as the co - worker often says " long story short " , I found his penis ! There had been some concern about it a little while back , and I just wanted everyone to know that he does have one , it 's just fine , and while it was a little bit difficult to find ( it points down . . . I 'm not used to that . Whatev . . . ) it is there , and that 's all that matters . It wasn 't used for anything specific last night , but I have a feeling it will be in the near future . If I have anything to say about it , anyway . . . So that is what 's up with me at this point . I 'm looking forward to a long weekend full of football , hanging out at the Moose with friends , cleaning up around the house ( because DAYUM ! It 's a mess , yo ! ) , and just generally lolling about KC . I can 't believe the ASU game is on at 1 : fucking30 on Friday , and I don 't know if I 'll be able to get out of work in time to watch more than just the last quarter of it . ( I don 't get off until 3 , but I 'm going to see if I can get out of here at 1 , if my boss will let me . . . ) But that 's ok . It seems that my plans for New Year 's Eve might be Posted by Well , I made it safely to my dad 's house once again . The Twin and I shopped all day yesterday , and picked up many of the remaining items I needed in order to have a happy Christmas here at the ranch . I 'm up early , of course , because jet lag sucks , and my little nieces suck even more . ( Which is really not true . They don 't suck . . . they just stink a little for waking up as early as they do , and for playing in the space that 's right outside my bedroom , is all . Buggars . . . ) I had some work to do really quick anyway , so I don 't mind . Besides , I went to sleep last night at 8 : 45 . Um , can we say " old lady " ? I mean , WTF is up with that ? ? ? I don 't want to get sick , though , so when my body tells me it 's that tired , I listen , dammit . Dave took me to the airport yesterday , as promised . He was great about it , actually . . . he got to my house a little before 7 , and then he loaded my bags into the car for me , and he even took them inside the airport for me when we got there ! I don 't know why I thought that was such a sweet gesture ( even if I did think it was stupid for him to leave his car parked at the curb like that . . . the " police " at the airport just love to find suckers like him and pounce on them ASAP . . . ) , but it was really nice of him , and then he kissed me , and we said our goodbyes . I 'm really hoping that he starts to get somewhat normal , and takes dating me a bit more seriously after the holidays are over . I had a lot of time to think on my flight , and I am somewhat perplexed by my attraction to a person like Dave . I mean , yes , he 's funny in his little way , and he 's darned cute , dammit . . . but his strange behavior isn 't all that attractive , and his hot / cold mentality towards me is so odd . So what is it ? I think it 's his financial security that makes me want him as I do . He 's got his shit together , you know ? He 's owned his home for 20 years , so obviously that 's just an asset to him now . He drives a reasonable car , but it 's still a very nice car . He doesn 't have to work , which is weird , but still very cool . I don 't know . He kind of reminds me of Mr . Knightly in " Emma " . Except without the creepy big brother vibe , and a little less of the charm . He 's not necessarily a father - figure , because my dad would never behave like Dave does , so that 's not an issue . Plus , he acts so immaturely a lot of the time that it 's not like I look up to him to learn something from him . I only worry about the fact that we 're somewhat alike in our abbrasiveness , and I don 't know how well it 'd work if we actually were in a relationship . I know I can actually be very conciliatory when it comes to being in a relationship that I want to work , and while I act aggresively some of the time , I actually am in love with my friends , so to speak , and want to be happy around them as much as possible . I don 't like being around people when I 'm feeling grumpy , and it 's kind of a crappy thing to do to expose people to the grump , unless you plan on trying to pull out of it , of course . But those days when you know that all you need is a good cry , a movie or two , and a pizza all to yourself are rather obvious to me , and I keep to myself when they happen . I get the feeling that Dave doesn 't know how to do that too well . So I 'm wondering if it 'd be a source of conflict for us , or if it 'd be something that could be solved with some regular lovin ' . ( Because I honestly think that 's part of his problem , too . . . he wants it , thinks he can 't get it , and he puts himself down when he thinks about it . . . I sincerely cannot understand why the man doesn 't realize how adorable he is . * sigh ! * ) Anyway , I 'm done thinking about it for now . . . just needed to get that out there so I can focus my brain on the important things . Those are : What should I get my dad for Christmas ? When will I be able to get together and hang out with Lyn ? And what the hell am I gonna eat for breakfast ? Because I 'm STARVING ! ! My weekend was fun . Friday night was weird , with Dickhead and all . We had dinner , we fooled around , we talked . . . it was just weird , though . I asked him about it on Saturday . He said he was just in the wrong mood . I mean , we were still able to do what we needed to do , and I had a great talk with him , as usual , but I just was turned off of maybe wanting to get together with him any more . Which is too bad . ( In my book , anyway . ) Saturday , I was at the Moose off and on all fucking day long . There was this little football kicking contest that happened earlier in the day , and we were all there to watch , which was fun . No one won , but we didn 't care . Oh , Friday night , Dave figured out that I was getting together with what another guy we hang out with called my " booty call " . I just tried to pass it off as getting together with an old friend , but I guess this other guy had heard me talking with the girls about it the night before , and he decided to mention it aloud to Dave . The buggar . I didn 't want Dave to get jealous , because we just got back to the point where things are mellow , right ? Anyway , Saturday , sure enough , Dave seemed to be in another mood . He wasn 't aiming it at me this time , though . When we got together later to watch the KU game ( which rocked , btw . . . ) , his friend Robert started in on him , making comments about KU 's performance up to that point in the game ( they started out the 1st half with a lovely 0 - 13 " run " . . . it was NOT a good time to be a KU fan ) , and it pissed Dave off sufficiently enough that he left . No biggy . I wound up having a great conversation with a nice guy at the bar ( old guy . . . but he has sons ! ) , and then KU won , and the night ended happily for me , anyway . Sunday , my other friends were there to watch the Chiefs , and I warned them that Dave was in a mood . And sure enough , he didn 't even sit with us ( really , he hates the crappy picture quality on the big screen , and so do the rest of us . . . ) , but kept coming over to visit , especially as the game progressed and it was clear that Denver was going DOWN baby ! ! I took advantage of the mood , and made a request that he help me get to and from the airport over the next week . I can 't believe I didn 't think of it before , you know ? The guy lives around the corner from me , doesn 't work , he wakes up early every day , so having to get me to the airport on Wednesday by 7 shouldn 't be a problem , and he 'll be able to pick me up next week too . So my car can stay in it 's little garage But I 'm also hella busy . I 've got to go clean now . And although I might have some time to post tomorrow ( Tuesday ) , work might also be sucking - busy , so no guarantees . But definitely Wednesday night . Because apparently my older sister is pissed at me for that whole " fuck off , fucking family . . . " rant I did in my comments a couple of weeks ago , and thinks I was telling HER in particular to fuck off . When really , I was ranting about my entire family , and how disgusting it is to me that everyone is coupled up but me . But whatever . The world clearly revolves around some folks . It 's just too bad for them that no one else is taking notice of it , I s ' pose . That must really suck . So you 'll likely hear more from me about that . Maybe not . Depends on my mood , I 'm sure . She 's not reading my blog any more ( and I really didn 't want any family besides the Twin to read it anyway ! ! FOR EXACTLY THIS REASON , GAH ! ! ! ) , so it doesn 't matter what I say , really . Dear Lord , I am seriously craving some hashbrowns right now . I don 't know why . . . it 's not making sense to me , really . I had pasta for breakfast ( shut up . . . I 'm out of eggs , and it sounded good ) , and am not really hungry , per se . I don 't get it . . . why the hashbrowns , and not a burger or my favorite chicken picata dish from the Moose ? The New Boss is worrying me today , btw . He 's trying to do things that he really shouldn 't do while he 's cracking down on other things that are being done ( which I agree with ) , and for some reason , a manager in the region made it seem like there was an applicant that needed to remain a secret , although I 'm not sure why that would be necessary . I 'm not sure if the manager was confused about the request from New Boss , or what . But I 've looked at the application , and I see nothing fishy , and it 's not like I go around sending blazing red " URGENT ! READ THIS ! ! " memos to everyone I work with telling them who we 're running background checks on . I don 't care ! I just need to have the application in case we hire them , you know ? So things are weird this morning . All mysterious and shit . Hopefully , when New Boss gets here , he can clear things up relatively quickly , and we can move on with our day . Dammit . . . I really still want hashbrowns , even after all that bullshit . I 'd better go eat half an apple , or something . Happy mysterious Friday ! : P So , when we have an appointment out of the office , and we let you know 3 days in advance of said appointment , and you tell us in return that we need to clear things like that with you first because you have something more important you need us to do ( which , btw , consists of us sending out YOUR Christmas presents to your co - workers in the field . Really ? Really ? ? THAT is why we have to cancel our appointment and reschedule it ? Oh . . . ok . Sure . ) , so we reschedule , and then ask you if it 's ok to go , like we 're in the goddammed 1st grade and we need permission to go down the hall to the bathroom , for chrissakes . How about you step off your high and mighty manager pedastal for a millisecond to check and see what your life would be like without us here ? Get it , asshole ? YOU would have to get here early to answer the phone calls that start up at 8 a . m . , even though we don 't open until 8 : 15 , and YOU would have to figure out the best way to print that report that was sent to you in the strangest format ever , and YOU would have to call systems support to find out just why the hell your remote system kicked you out for no reason and wouldn 't let you back in , and YOU would have to try to find another admin that could do as succint and wonderful a job as you 've been touting we do for the past 2 years ( and , oh by the way , we 've been here longer than you , too , so you can stop pretending like you have some sort of tenure over us , m - kay ? ) , even though you don 't say a word behind closed doors to upper management about how we really should get a raise because just look at all the shit we do , right ? Even though you pretend like you do . We can tell when you lie . Believe us , we can . Oh , and YOU would have to be the one to send out the Christmas presents that you should have not only shopped for on your own , but should be proud to send out on your own . Because , um , aren 't you the gift - giver ? At least we paid for them with your credit card , so we certainly fucking hope you are . . . We 're not lower on the totem pole just because we perform a different function for the company . We 're your co - workers . So stop treating us like shit that you accidentally stepped in on your way in from the parking lot this morning ( or this afternoon , or whenever it is you find it reasonable for you to stumble in the office today ) . We deserve as much respect as we are expected to give you , dammit . And you 're an asshole motherfucker if you think otherwise . Now , if you 'll excuse us , we need to go type a letter for you , because it seems that in all your years of training and schooling , and superiorness in the job world ( because , after all , you are a great manager and we are just an admin , so that must mean we 're more stupid than you , right ? Oh , I 'm sorry . . . it 's " stupider " , isn 't it . Pardon me . ) , you 've forgotten how to actually do something as simple as pull up a template within MS Word and follow the goddam examples / fill in the blanks to create your own letter without our help . The New Boss moved the meeting in Wichita to Monday , and I just can 't bear the thought of having to hope my co - worker will show up here at 5 : 15 a . m . so we can make it in time for the 9 a . m . start of the meeting , so I made hotel arrangements , and she can either go the night before , or show up whenever she damn well pleases the next day . I don 't care . I 'll be waking up in the hotel where the meeting is located , and that 's that . I don 't need this kind of stress right now . Not worth it . Things are busy in the office . I was here until 6 last night , and I was working pretty constantly from about 1 p . m . until I left . At least the morning had been slow . But I think I like it better when it 's spread out , you know ? I 'm still waiting to hear back on several issues that need to be addressed before the end of today from a co - worker in Texas , and THAT is stressing me out . I finally broke down and bought Harry & David crap for all the co - workers I was going to make cookies for , because the cookie plans just didn 't go the way I wanted them to , so that 's done , at least . Now I just need to find stuff for my local co - workers , and then I 'll be in a good spot . I 'm hitting Pier 1 tonight . : ) I need to send the presents I bought through Red Envelope for the girls in the family to my dad 's house tomorrow , so that they 'll be there when I get in next week , but as long as I remember to gather them all together tonight , I should be ok to go on that . I 'm afraid my exciting life is only exciting for me right now . I 'm trying to relax as much as possible in the down time , so I 'm not doing anything but walking on the treadmill and then lying around the house when I get off work at night . I 'd love to head to the Moose for a drink right after I leave here , but if I do that , chances of getting on the treadmill get slim , and I need to make sure that exercise isn 't ignored this week , fo sho . Like tonight . . . I look cute , so I 'd love to run to the Moose right after work so Dave can see me looking cute , and stare at me a bit . Heh . But I must resist . He can stare at me this weekend , dammit . Man , I really hope that Dickhead comes through with the plans to get together on Friday night . I need that a goodly amount right now , I 'd say . I think he might be lucky to just make it through the front door without me attacking him , really . And then we can go get dinner . And then go home and attack again . Rawr ! : P So that 's me in a nutshell this morning . Boring , stressed , and very little time to spare for anything other than work during the day , unfortunately . Bleh . Happy Wednesday , eh ? : ) While I was at the Moose last night , watching the game with a couple of friends , Dave called me . At the bar . To APOLOGIZE for his behavior on Saturday this past weekend . He said he had just been in a really bad mood , and he felt bad for taking it out on me . I 've been thinking about Dickhead off and on the past couple of days . It 's been a little while ( over a month , I think ) since we 've seen each other , and I 've been trying to figure out if I should try to get together with him or if I should keep my Dickhead Abstinence going so I can keep on the proper track of falling out of love with his ass . I considered calling him last night , but kept my outside contact to the minimum and just spoke to the Twin a little bit . So when I was suddenly thinking of him again about 20 minutes ago , and was wondering if maybe I should just drop an e - mail , and then my cell rang and it was him , it gave me the shivers a bit . : ) In a nice way , of course . So we 're talking about getting together this Friday for dinner and what have you , and I 'm seriously looking forward to it . I know I 'm a ridiculously stupid girl , and that I should snap out of my self - induced love / lust haze that I have for this boy , but I don 't care what other people think . He 's a little early - Christmas present I 'll be giving myself , is how I see it . I need what he 's got , and I don 't care if he likes to tell himself differently , he needs what I 've got . And what 's funny is that when I was thinking about it yesterday , wondering what I should do and whether I should call him or not , I decided that I would wait for him to call me . Something told me that he would . I wonder what the connection is that he and I have , and what it will mean further down the line . I like the idea of going into business with him at some point or another . I think that 's one thing we can agree we appreciate about one another . . . our desire to be in charge of something for ourselves , and to not have to answer to some higher up , holier - than - thou manager - type person , and our desire to be happy doing something we truly enjoy doing . The last thing we wanted to do was open an Ikea in the KC area . That fell through , as Ikea sucks , and although it 's a franchise , apparently one company owns the franchising rights in North America , and we can 't get in on it . Weird . Anyway , so we 're trying to put our heads together and figure out a new direction to go in . Who knows if anything will ever pan out . Not that anyone has asked , but in case anyone was wondering . I will not be there . Besides , I 'm pretty sure most people would know how to meet up with me if they really cared to meet me in person . I 'm pretty open about the places I spend my free time , eh ? : ) I hate that I worry about shit that I should not worry about . Well , at least not as soon as I do . For example , next week , my co - worker and I have to travel to Wichita for a meeting in the early morning the day before we both have to leave town for the holiday . We don 't mind , really . It 's about a 3 and a half hour drive , I think , and it 'll suck having to get up that early , but if we can be helpful by being there , then we 're happy to do so . But here 's the problem : my co - worker is a notoriously late person . Like , missed flights on a regular basis because she was running too late ( and they were in the goddammed afternoon , even . Like at 3 p . m . And she couldn 't get out of her house in time to catch the plane . Uh - huh . ) , and has made my old boss run late for meetings because they 're driving there together , etc . . . The last time they drove someplace together , he told her to meet him in the parking lot here at the office at 6 : 30 a . m . , and if she wasn 't there , he was leaving without her . I think that worked , as I recall . The thing that freaks me out is that she wants to leave here at 6 : 30 to be at a 9 a . m . meeting in Wichita . I thought about that , and we 'd have to be going super - sonic speed , which I 'm just not comfortable with , really . I 'm all for doing a max of 85 mph on the freeway , but anything above that is not cool with me . I want to leave no later than 5 : 30 . ( I really wish the meeting was at 10 or 11 , but I digress . . . ) And my plan is to tell her that I will be here at 5 : 30 a . m . ready to go , and if she isn 't , then I 'm leaving to head there on my own . But why the fuck am I thinking about this a full week in advance of when it 's actually taking place ? I don 't know ! It 's the retardation in my brain that makes me think of useless things that I can 't do anything about far too much , and there 's nothing I can do about it , really . I know I do it , I want to stop doing it , and I continue to do it . Meh . Ok , so my weekend was a bit up and down . I went to bed late on both Friday and Saturday , and slept in until way late on both Saturday and Sunday . That was as it should be . Friday , I went directly to the Moose after work , and hung out with the friends I hadn 't seen in a long time . Seems that Dave has moved on to an older blond that he 's decided to try to torment . I 've met her once before , and she 's pretty . . . thin , big boobs , cute face . Kind of fried hair , but whatever . It doesn 't detract from the total package , really , it seems . It does make me consider what my hair might look like in another 10 years if I keep bleaching it , but that 's beyond the point . She 's a really nice girl , and we sat next to each other and chatted about lots of things all evening . Dave left at about 7 : 30 , in my estimation , and the chick stuck around ( because that 's how things work with Dave . . . you don 't know if you 're supposed to go along with him when he leaves , or if you 're just supposed to show up at his house later , or what . It sucks . . . ) , and we wound up getting invited over to a table of men who wanted us to " just have one drink with them " . We thought , why the hell not ? They were really nice , and wound up buying us more than just one drink . Dave 's new chicky got a bit tipsy , IMO , and then started complaining of a toothache that looked pretty bad . It was around 10 or so by then , and I could see she was in pretty bad shape , so I asked her if she wanted a ride to Dave 's , and she thought about it , but said she 'd be fine , really . ( She and I had talked about how he and I were fooling around before he moved on to her . . . I told her he didn 't impress me much as a human being , and she actually agreed for the most part , but whatever . . . ) So she left , and then I finished my drink , and paid my tab , and left soon after that . When I went to the Moose on Saturday , no one was there yet , so I chatted with my bartender friend and pretty soon , Dave walked in . He sat around 3 chairs away from me on my left at the bar , which was odd . But he 's an ass , so I didn 't care . I asked him if his new chick was doing ok . He said , " I don 't know . How should I know ? " And I told him that I thought she had planned on going over to his house the night before , because she left the bar in a rather tipsy state , and she had a horrible toothache . I even called his house to warn him to watch for her . . . did he not get my message ? He just sort of was looking at me with his big , dumb look on his face , and then I said , " Well , didn 't she go to your house ? " And he said , " She may have , she may not have . " I just looked at him with my best are - you - just - a - TOTAL - idiot ? look on my face , and then I said , " Well , I hope she 's ok . . . she looked like the pain was pretty bad last night . . . " and I turned the other way from him , and then the guy to the right of me at the bar started talking to me , and I ignored Dave the rest of the time . He 's so , so grumpy and just plain nasty for no reason . You know , I don 't know why he even ever started talking to me / flirting with me in the first place if he wasn 't going to consider the implications of if things didn 't work out between us , would he be bothered by spending time with me at the Moose still . He obviously doesn 't like hanging out with me on our own , because he makes no effort to talk to me when we 're in a small group or just by ourselves , and he 's a total dick to me when I try to say anything to him at all . It was funny , on Friday night , someone made a comment about the facial hair growth he had on his face ( apparently , he only shaves every couple of days or so . . . doesn 't matter . Looks good on him , really ) , and he started talking about how he 'd seen Jude Law on Oprah , or something , and he looked like he hadn 't shaved in a week , and no one seemed to mind . And I started laughing ( all us girls did , really ) , and I said , " But Dave , that 's Jude LaSaturday night I just sat and talked to another friend all night , and then went home and crashed out . Yesterday , I was asked to help my bartender friend clean up the new house she just bought , so we went and shopped for a bit at Target , and then we went to her new house ( which is very cute . . . ) , and I cleaned the bathroom ( because I 'm good at it , dammit ) , and she cleaned the floors and the kitchen , and then she took me back home . I met her roommate for the first time , too . quite a flirty guy . What is it with guys that work in a bar ? They just seem to always flirt . No matter what . Crazy . But fun ! : ) I think that what I might do is see if one of Dave 's guy friends might be willing to talk to him , maybe . I mean , I don 't want to be the source of any discomfort for him , really , but I think there 's nothing I can do about it , actually . Whatever his beef is , if it 's because I 'm showing up and hanging out , then I would rather just stop hanging out with those folks . I have a feeling that the only person that 'd be happy about that is Dave , though . I 'll ask my girlfriends tonight and see what they think . Dave might not even show up to watch the game tonight , but if he does , then I guess we 'll just see how it goes . And I 'll just keep my distance from him . You know , for a guy that I hung out with for a mere 5 nights total ( yep , that 's it . . . 5 nights . Sheesh ! ) , he 's getting an awful lot of time in my head all together . I guess it 's because it wasn 't so obvious that he was an ass , and then it became more and more obvious that he was , and now I 'm stuck sitting here wondering how I was ever attracted to him in the first place . Bleh . : ) Now I 'm looking forward to just finishing this week out , and heading back to Cali next week for some fun time off . Maybe I 'll be able to get together with some folks in San Diego one of the nights I 'm there , and having the time to hang out with the Twin is always fun . So I need to just stop worrying . But saying it and doing it are two very different things . * sigh ! * Wish me luck ! Ok . So I 'm yet again resigned to getting myself back on the losing weight track , no excuses ! I 'm eating egg whites and mushrooms and pineapple for breakfast , I 'm eating soup with green beans or baked chicken with rice and green beans for lunch , and I 'll allow myself a salad at dinner , or some grilled chicken , or something like that . None of that " Spaghettios are cheap . . . and I need cheap right now , so I 'll just buy Spaghettios " mentality is allowed to stick around . The weekends are not " days off " from being good the rest of the week . It 's become quite clear that my body doesn 't allow for " days off " , and I can 't have them any more . Just so you know , this is one of those painful kind of fun things . So check it out , and see how you do . My first time out , I was given several states in a row that were completely unfair to start me with . States like Tennessee , and Utah , and then I had to place West Virginia . Bastards . After 3 tries , though , I have a 96 % . Not too bad , IMO . ( But then again , it does get a bit easier as you do it over and over . . . ) I 've suddenly been receiving more e - mails from interested parties on the dating site I 'm using right now , and while not all of them are making me do backflips over how cute they are , each one of them seem to have some things in common with me , at least from what I can see in their profile , and I 've written them all back , for the most part . ( I 've deleted one or two here and there , but I always let them know that we wouldn 't be a good match before I do so . . . ) I 've been chatting with one guy for about a month now via e - mail , and am hoping to meet him next week . Another guy just wrote to me on Tuesday , and I responded yesterday , even though he 's not very attractive in his picture . But he is 6 ' 4 " , and his profile is very compatible with my interests , and all . So I didn 't want to pass him up just because of my lack of attraction to his picture . When I think of the guys that I 've been interested in over the past couple of years , they haven 't been exactly Jude Law look - alikes , you know ? I like guys for their character , and for their sense of humor , and the odd attraction I feel for them that seems to pounce on me in an out of control sort of way . So I 'm not willing to say to this one guy that although we seem to have a lot in common , I 'm not attracted to his picture , so he can just buzz off . Nah . . . I decided to give it a chance . Plus , a date is a date is a date . I usually have fun on dates , whether I feel chemistry with a person or not , and going out and doing stuff with new people is always a treat . He wrote me back last night , and it was too late for me to write him back again , so I 'll do it tonight , I s ' pose . But he sounded relatively smart , and he was sweet , so it might be interesting to get to know him . I 'm just looking forward to dating again . None of this bullshit about going over to someone 's house that I met at a bar , and then have to be friends with again after he decides that he 's not a grown - up that wants a normal dating relationship with a girl , because he 's a big dummy . Uh - uh . Just a few dates here and thereBecause the bullshit pisses me off . And even though I 'm sure it won 't be the last time I make the mistake of doing something that has to do with the bullshit ( I 'm weak when it comes to my hormones and their need to make me want to kiss someone 's face . . . I admit it openly ) , I 'm going to try to be more in control of myself going forward . This is definitely not an area of life to which I repeat the mantra of " I surrender " . . . no sir . I am NOT surrendering to any man , anywhere , anytime . That is , not unless we agree to surrender to each other , dammit . Before I went to sleep last night , I begged The Cold to be 80 % better today . I wasn 't asking for a miracle . . . I just didn 't want to feel as crappy as I did all day yesterday again . And it worked ! Sort of , anyway . I woke up today feeling what I would consider to be about 60 % better , which is better than nothing , IMO . So , yay me ! This morning , a customer called here looking for info on a home equity line of credit . It was only 8 : 05 , but I answer the phone if I 'm here , regardless of what time it is . ( We technically don 't open for business until 8 : 15 . . . ) I told her that she would need to contact a branch location , and offered to give her the Overland Park office number . She sort of sat there for a second , and then said , " I live in a ground - contact home . " I didn 't understand her at first , and asked her to repeat herself , which she did . When I heard what she said , I informed her that she had contacted an administrative office that had nothing to do with loans , and told her that I wouldn 't be able to assist her with her questions since I know nothing about loans myself . I asked her if she 'd like to have the number for the Overland Park office again , and she said she supposed so . I gave it to her , and told her she would need to wait a bit before calling them , because our hours are 8 : 15 to 5 : 15 , and it was likely that the after - hours voice mail would still be picking up . She thanked me and hung up . Less than 2 minutes later , and the phone rang again . I answered , knowing it was probably the new friend that had just called a bit ago . It was a hang up call , but I know it was her . A couple minutes later , my co - worker arrived . I explained to her immediately the frustrating and weird lady that had called , and as I was finishing up , the phone rang again . I just looked at it , and my co - worker answered it . Sure enough , it was the lady again . My co - worker told her she couldn 't answer her questions , and gave her another branch number , this time to the location in Lenexa . I shit you not , the phone rang again about a minute later . I let out a little scream , and my co - worker , who does NOT have PMS , and is feeling much more patient than me this morning , answered and told the lady ( yes , it was her ) that she was probably getting the after - hours recording at all locations because their clocks hadn 't hit 8 : 15 yet . Yes , even though the lady 's clock at home was reading 8 : 22 , it was possible that the clocks on the phones in the offices were not quite on the same time schedule . My co - worker thinks that the lady wasn 't all " there " , really . She sounded funky to her . I thought she 'd sounded a bit back woods , but not necessarily stupid , or anything . Of course , my opinion of her level of intelligence kind of changed over the course of those 4 phone calls , but DAYUM . . . What the hell ? Do the dumb people crawl out of their beds under rocks that early in the morning just to vex me on purpose ? DON ' T THEY KNOW ABOUT THE COLD AND THE PMS ? ? Ok , first , before I get going on my rant , what the FUCK is up with the internet lately ? At home , it 's taking me way too long to get in and view e - mail inboxes , make adjustments to my blog posts , and even to just go from page to page is taking forever , if it ever actually downloads the page . I 'm tired of it . And I 'd like it to stop already . Sheesh ! Outside of that , I 'm not sure what 's with my mood . Probably a good mix of a lot of things including , but not limited to , my lack of smoking for over a week now , PMS kicking into high gear , the effects of The Cold on my brain ( makes it feel downright swollen , it does . . . ) , and the fact that due to time constraints and The Cold , I haven 't really exercised since I went to the play place on Saturday with my sister and my nieces . So , let 's add that all up , shall we ? No smoking - check . PMS - check . Being sick as a dog and having to push through a regular day anyway - check . Lack of exercise - check . Yep . . . I 'm in a mood for good reasons , I think . I can 't get over the fact that I have no ability to surrender to the things that happen to me in my life . Lately , I 've been reading the ex - boyfriend 's blog ( a . k . a . Asshole ) , but I don 't know why . I was somewhat pleased when I learned that he 'd broken up with the girl that followed me in the list of girlfriends he 's tormented in his lifetime , and then it seemed they got back together again . And then they broke up again . But she 's still commenting on his blog , for some reason . Anyway , what bugs me ? Um , why the FUCK do I care ? Because I haven 't settled into a new relationship myself ? Because I secretly want him back ? ( Um , no . . . not that last one . Fo sho . He can suck it , and I hope to never see him again in my entire life , actually . ) Because I 'm a jealous piece of shit that wants everyone else in the world to be unhappy except for me ? I don 't know . . . I think it 's a slight mix of door # 1 and door # 3 . I haven 't found anyone new to have a relationship with since Asshole , and I also really think it 's unfair for dickheads and assholes to have someone to spend time with when I 'm a perfectly nice girl who 's pretty , rather easygoing , has a variety of interests , knows how to have a good time ( wink , wink ! ) , and I 'm single as the day is long . It makes no sense in my head . It makes no sense to my friends that love me and have watched me comb the KC area for a good man who 's willing to settle down for the past 4 years . It makes no sense to my family ( especially my father , who apparently thinks I 'm a lesbian now because I mentioned that I love that new Ellen commercial where she 's dancing all over the place . The one for Amex ? Oh , you know what I 'm talking about . . . anyway . . . ) . And it 's pissing me off . And for anyone that knows both me and the ex named Asshole , this is not me dwelling on something I wish I could have . I don 't want him , and I don 't wish him any ill will . I don 't really feel anything about it . But I do think he treated me rather shoddily , and that 's hard to forgive and forget . It 's only been about 6 months , after all . I 'll give it a year before I go in and have it electrically shocked out of me . What I do know is that he doesn 't deserve happiness after what he did to me and the girl he dated before me . He truly treated us like shit . And karma will do what it should to him . Ok , so , what did I do to karma to deserve my eternity of aloneness ? Love the men I 've dated since I was allowed to do so ? Treated them as well as any girl could , and try to let them know that I loved them no matter what ? Tried my hardest to be the best girlfriend to them that they could ever hope to have , and simply wished for them to do the same in return ? Perhaps the little in between " boys " that I dated have caused me to head into this downward spiral into relationship emptiness . . . the freshman at Berkeley that was a virgin before he met my 22 year old ass . His friend that I gave a blow job to ( prior to sleeping with the freshman . . . prior to even getting to know the freshman very well , I might add . I did not cheat on the freshman by blowing his best friend ) , and then lied to the freshman saying that I would never do such a thing , and then said , " Not that it would be any of your business . . . " The " cheating " I might have sort of done during my sophomore year when suddenly it seemed like every guy that I liked was liking me back . Which had never happened to me before ever , and I took full advantage of it , lemme tell ya . But really , I wasn 't headed anywhere with the one guy when I slept with the beautiful Chilean named Chris from my Western Civ class . And my favorite ex - boyfriend Scott came along when things with Doug ( whom I had been crushing on hard for over 3 years . . . ) were just getting to their most confusing point . And I didn 't kiss Doug once when I was dating Scott . We just talked . But it still felt dirty for some reason . I 'm just not sure what it 's all about . But I 'm quite tired of it . I want and deserve a new boyfriend that treats me like I 'm the best thing he 's ever had in his life . Dammit . So I always try to remember the Oprah episode I caught one day where she was talking about how she had finally accepted the fact that she was the only one that could change things in her life , and that she needed to surrender to the things she couldn 't change ever . And it became a mantra for her . " I surrender , " she 'd say to herself every time she needed peace . She 'd do it as she ran on the track , and as she worked through her day . She 'd do it all the time , it seemed . So I thought I 'd try it . But I can 't quite seem to accept it as my mantra . Something is blocking it . But what ? I don 't get it . I 'm tired of this mood . I 'm going to go attempt to ignore it by reading some and then hitting the hay early again . Wish me luck ! While I was home visiting the fam , the Twin 's oldest daughter ( who is 8 , I think . . . right Twin ? ) came running up to me as I sat on the couch one afternoon . She said , " Aunt Faith , I thought your hair was blond ! " I said , " It is blond . " She said , " No it isn 't , " in a very matter - of - fact way . I said , " Yes , it is . " She asked me , " Did you just take a shower or somethin ' ? " " No , sweetie , I didn 't just take a shower . " She asked , " Then why is it all black right here ? " while pointing at my roots . ( My hair was in a ponytail , btw . . . makes roots more obvious to 8 year olds , apparently . . . ) " Oh ! That 's what happens when you 're a fake blond , and you 're not able to get in to see your hairdresser during the week you 're supposed to , because you suddenly have to fly to California for a funeral , " I replied . She just leaned over with a big grin and hugged me . And then she ran off to hang out with my other niece in another part of the house . Any other fake blonds out there ? I have to say that looking at my roots , I can 't believe that my hair is as dark as it is under all the dye I 've put on it throughout all the years . The Twin and I started out blond , and it turned into a dishwater , nasty type color on my head by the time I was in high school . So I started dying it my senior year . Started out doing that at home . . . just a shampoo - in color of red at first . Then I went and had it professionally done at an Aveda salon in San Clemente before I headed off to college , and I was transformed , I tell you . It was like I was a new girl . The chick I went and saw bobbed it , and died it this bright , lovely red color . I felt really happy about myself with that hair . And I 'd lost a lot of weight over the summer , so I was a happy , happy freshman . It 's seen several different incarnations since that first dye job , but is currently hanging in the shoulder - length blond arena . I like it this length , and I like it this color . My friends that have known me with both red and blond ( and everything in between , btw . . . never , ever doing dark brown again . Huh - uh . ) agree that they like the blond the best . But when I go red , they all coo over how good I look with red hair , too . I like it best blond , I think . It 'll probably be a good long time before I go back to red again . Maybe another year , or so . Anyway , I 'd be afraid to let it grow out now . I 'm sure the color wouldn 't nearly live up to the colors that I can make it simply by paying my fabu hairdresser to do . And can I say how lucky I am to have found such fabulous hair dressers over the past few years ? My last one , Rusty , moved on from the hairdressing world back into retail because he really wasn 't happy doing hair any more . But the chick he used to go to for advice on all his color jobs on me ( he 's taken me from red to bright red to blond , to lighter blond , etc . . . ) is still in the biz , and she works at a more reasonable salon than she used to , so I go to her now . She 's a bit boring compared to my old hairdresser , but she 's still a cool enough chick , and she does great hair , so I 'm sticking with her . Hell , I only have to see her once a month , so who cares , really ? So yesterday 's flight wasn 't my cup of tea . I was scheduled to fly out of OC at 11 : 20 , which was going to get me back to KC by 4 : 30 , in time to head to the Moose to watch the second half of the Chiefs game ( vs the Shmaiders ) with my friends , and hopefully see them kick some Oakland ass . ' Twasn 't meant to be , I 'm afraid . We all got loaded onto the plane , and they announced at about 11 : 45 that there was an electrical problem with the computer on board that helped navigate the plane . Apparently , it had worked fine on the flight in , but it zonked out when they docked the plane at the gate . Ok . . . we waited to hear what was up . And I had decided to eat when I got to the Moose , so the delay made my tummy start to rumble a bit . They unloaded us from the plane at about 12 : 20 , telling us that they would keep us in the loop , but they expected the delay to last at least another hour . Well , there went the watching of the game with my buddies . But on that time schedule , I would still get in with plenty of time to relax , unpack , and hang out before bedtime . Fine . I went to grab some McDonald 's , and then sat down to wait it out . At about 12 : 45 , they suggested that folks might want to schedule alternate flights , and to line up at the desk where they could help us out with that . However , the flight we were currently on was not cancelled yet . That was all I needed to hear . I decided to wait it out . We finally got back on the plane at about 1 : 30 ( 2 hours late ) , and got in the air soon after that . I hate turbulence . Hate , hate , hate . And there was loads of it heading out of OC yesterday . The winds and the rain extended for a good 20 minutes after take off , and I was just staring out the window willing us to get above the clouds so I could finally relax and read a bit . We finally found the smooth air about 30 minutes in , and I settled down . It was moderate chop . . . not light chop . And it sucked . Our descent into KC wasn 't any prettier . We were supposed to have clear skies yesterday in KC , last time I checked the weather report . ( Which was last Wednesday , but I digress . . . ) So when I couldn 't see anything below the plane in the dark when the pilot announced that we were about 150 miles southwest of the airport , I was irritated . Ok , so it was cloudy . . . so what ? It was supposed to be somewhat warmer than it had been when I 'd left , and that 's all that mattered , really . No . What really mattered was that the fog was thick as shit , and the pilot failed to let us know that he had to circle the airport for a good 20 minutes before landing . So we 're crooked in the air , the turbulence is annoying at best , and I can 't read to get my mind off of it . ( Bouncing + me reading = throw up everywhere . Not good . ) Finally we got on the ground , and I was in that sort of mood where I wanted to kiss the ground after we landed , it felt so good to be back on it ! I don 't know if it 's the cold that 's doing it , or the fact that I was so disappointed that I couldn 't watch the game with my friends . . . I was just in a weird mood , it seemed . On a side note , what the fuck is up with the folks that decide the best time to pee is when the plane starts shaking in a moderately violent manner ? Ok , yes , I can give it to you that the pilot failed to turn the fasten seat - belt sign back on again , but really . For your own safety and the safety of those around you , stay in your goddam seat until it mellows a bit ! Also , if you 're peeing , and we hit a pocket of funky air , and the pee happens to miss , and hit the rim or the floor or what - have - you , how 's about you clean up after yourself ? I mean , gross . Just , come on , really . It 's not polite to just leave it there . Duh . So that 's the story of My Flight yesterday . On Midwest Airlines . Because they have only 4 seats across ( 2 on each side of the aisle , of course ) , and because on the afternoon flights , they give you cookies . Also , they have direct flights from KC to OC , and that 's just a lovely , lovely thing . Ok , I 'm back home , after a whirlwind trip back to California for my grandma 's funeral , a visit with my family , and some relaxing time . Unfortunately , as seems to be the norm these days , I got sick while I was gone , and while it seemed like it was going to be a simple little case of laryngitis as of yesterday , I woke up quite stuffy - headed in the middle of the night , and now I have a full - blown cold . It sucks . So today will be spent making up for the lost time at work from last week . I 've got reports that are past due , a conference call at 10 , and lots and LOTS of e - mails to shuffle through . So I might not be posting again until tomorrow , or so . Sorry to be such a bore around here lately , really ! But I do want to say thanks to those of you who said kind things in my comments last week after I posted about my grandma 's passing . I appreciate the support ! The funeral was mellow . . . a nice mass , a lovely day out for the burial , and lunch with the family afterwards . It was good to see everyone again . Although I can 't imagine I 'll be seeing much of them ever again , which is an odd thought , really . Less occassions to get together as we get older , and they 're all so spread out and everything . It 's fine with me . I like to deal with my immediate family , for the most part . Cousins and aunts and uncles and all that never really made me feel all warm and cozy . Except for a couple of people on my dad 's side of the family . Anyway , I 'd better be off . Just wanted to say thanks , and hopefully things will return to normal around here very soon . Because I DO have ranting that needs to be done , and funny stories that need to be told . Dammit . : ) |
Free ! The word and the thought alone were worth fifty blankets . He was warm from end to end as he thought of the jolly world outside , waiting eagerly for him to make his triumphal entrance , ready to serve him and play up to him , anxious to help him and to keep him company , as it always had been in days of old before misfortune fell upon him . He shook himself and combed the dry leaves out of his hair with his fingers ; and , his toilet complete , marched forth into the comfortable morning sun , cold but confident , hungry but hopeful , all nervous terrors of yesterday dispelled by rest and sleep and frank and heartening sunshine . He had the world all to himself , that early summer morning . The dewy woodland , as he threaded it , was solitary and still : the green fields that succeeded the trees were his own to do as he liked with ; the road itself , when he reached it , in that loneliness that was everywhere , seemed , like a stray dog , to be looking anxiously for company . Toad , however , was looking for something that could talk , and tell him clearly which way he ought to go . It is all very well , when you have a light heart , and a clear conscience , and money in your pocket , and nobody scouring the country for you to drag you off to prison again , to follow where the road beckons and points , not caring whither . The practical Toad cared very much indeed , and he could have kicked the road for its helpless silence when every minute was of importance to him . The reserved rustic road was presently joined by a shy little brother in the shape of a canal , which took its hand and ambled along by its side in perfect confidence , but with the same tongue - tied , uncommunicative attitude towards strangers . ' Bother them ! ' said Toad to himself . ' But , anyhow , one thing 's clear . They must both be coming FROM somewhere , and going TO somewhere . You can 't get over that . Toad , my boy ! ' So he marched on patiently by the water 's edge . Round a bend in the canal came plodding a solitary horse , stooping forward as if in anxious thought . From rope traces attached to his collar stretched a long line , taut , but dipping with his stride , the further part of it dripping pearly drops . Toad let the horse pass , and stood waiting for what the fates were sending him . ' I dare say it is , ma ' am ! ' responded Toad politely , as he walked along the tow - path abreast of her . ' I dare it IS a nice morning to them that 's not in sore trouble , like what I am . Here 's my married daughter , she sends off to me post - haste to come to her at once ; so off I comes , not knowing what may be happening or going to happen , but fearing the worst , as you will understand , ma ' am , if you 're a mother , too . And I 've left my business to look after itself - I 'm in the washing and laundering line , you must know , ma ' am - and I 've left my young children to look after themselves , and a more mischievous and troublesome set of young imps doesn 't exist , ma ' am ; and I 've lost all my money , and lost my way , and as for what may be happening to my married daughter , why , I don 't like to think of it , ma ' am ! ' ' She lives near to the river , ma ' am , ' replied Toad . ' Close to a fine house called Toad Hall , that 's somewheres hereabouts in these parts . Perhaps you may have heard of it . ' ' Toad Hall ? Why , I 'm going that way myself , ' replied the barge - woman . ' This canal joins the river some miles further on , a little above Toad Hall ; and then it 's an easy walk . You come along in the barge with me , and I 'll give you a lift . ' She steered the barge close to the bank , and Toad , with many humble and grateful acknowledgments , stepped lightly on board and sat down with great satisfaction . ' Toad 's luck again ! ' thought he . ' I always come out on top ! ' ' Finest business in the whole country , ' said Toad airily . ' All the gentry come to me - wouldn 't go to any one else if they were paid , they know me so well . You see , I understand my work thoroughly , and attend to it all myself . Washing , ironing , clear - starching , making up gents ' fine shirts for evening wear - everything 's done under my own eye ! ' ' O , I have girls , ' said Toad lightly : ' twenty girls or thereabouts , always at work . But you know what GIRLS are , ma ' am ! Nasty little hussies , that 's what I call ' em ! ' ' So do I , too , ' said the barge - woman with great heartiness . ' But I dare say you set yours to rights , the idle trollops ! And are you very fond of washing ? ' ' I love it , ' said Toad . ' I simply dote on it . Never so happy as when I 've got both arms in the wash - tub . But , then , it comes so easy to me ! No trouble at all ! A real pleasure , I assure you , ma ' am ! ' ' Well , look at me , now , ' replied the barge - woman . ' I like washing , too , just the same as you do ; and for that matter , whether I like it or not I have got to do all my own , naturally , moving about as I do . Now my husband , he 's such a fellow for shirking his work and leaving the barge to me , that never a moment do I get for seeing to my own affairs . By rights he ought to be here now , either steering or attending to the horse , though luckily the horse has sense enough to attend to himself . Instead of which , he 's gone off with the dog , to see if they can 't pick up a rabbit for dinner somewhere . Says he 'll catch me up at the next lock . Well , that 's as may be - I don 't trust him , once he gets off with that dog , who 's worse than he is . But meantime , how am I to get on with my washing ? ' ' O , never mind about the washing , ' said Toad , not liking the subject . ' Try and fix your mind on that rabbit . A nice fat young rabbit , I 'll be bound . Got any onions ? ' ' I can 't fix my mind on anything but my washing , ' said the barge - woman , ' and I wonder you can be talking of rabbits , with such a joyful prospect before you . There 's a heap of things of mine that you 'll find in a corner of the cabin . If you 'll just take one or two of the most necessary sort - I won 't venture to describe them to a lady like you , but you 'll recognise them at a glance - and put them through the wash - tub as we go along , why , it 'll be a pleasure to you , as you rightly say , and a real help to me . You 'll find a tub handy , and soap , and a kettle on the stove , and a bucket to haul up water from the canal with . Then I shall know you 're enjoying yourself , instead of sitting here idle , looking at the scenery and yawning your head off . ' ' Here , you let me steer ! ' said Toad , now thoroughly frightened , ' and then you can get on with your washing your own way . I might spoil your things , or not do ' em as you like . I 'm more used to gentlemen 's things myself . It 's my special line . ' ' Let you steer ? ' replied the barge - woman , laughing . ' It takes some practice to steer a barge properly . Besides , it 's dull work , and I want you to be happy . No , you shall do the washing you are so fond of , and I 'll stick to the steering that I understand . Don 't try and deprive me of the pleasure of giving you a treat ! ' Toad was fairly cornered . He looked for escape this way and that , saw that he was too far from the bank for a flying leap , and sullenly resigned himself to his fate . ' If it comes to that , ' he thought in desperation , ' I suppose any fool can WASH ! ' A long half - hour passed , and every minute of it saw Toad getting crosser and crosser . Nothing that he could do to the things seemed to please them or do them good . He tried coaxing , he tried slapping , he tried punching ; they smiled back at him out of the tub unconverted , happy in their original sin . Once or twice he looked nervously over his shoulder at the barge - woman , but she appeared to be gazing out in front of her , absorbed in her steering . His back ached badly , and he noticed with dismay that his paws were beginning to get all crinkly . Now Toad was very proud of his paws . He muttered under his breath words that should never pass the lips of either washerwomen or Toads ; and lost the soap , for the fiftieth time . ' I 've been watching you all the time , ' she gasped . ' I thought you must be a humbug all along , from the conceited way you talked . Pretty washerwoman you are ! Never washed so much as a dish - clout in your life , I 'll lay ! ' ' You common , low , FAT barge - woman ! ' he shouted ; ' don 't you dare to talk to your betters like that ! Washerwoman indeed ! I would have you to know that I am a Toad , a very well - known , respected , distinguished Toad ! I may be under a bit of a cloud at present , but I will NOT be laughed at by a bargewoman ! ' The woman moved nearer to him and peered under his bonnet keenly and closely . ' Why , so you are ! ' she cried . ' Well , I never ! A horrid , nasty , crawly Toad ! And in my nice clean barge , too ! Now that is a thing that I will NOT have . ' She relinquished the tiller for a moment . One big mottled arm shot out and caught Toad by a fore - leg , while the other - gripped him fast by a hind - leg . Then the world turned suddenly upside down , the barge seemed to flit lightly across the sky , the wind whistled in his ears , and Toad found himself flying through the air , revolving rapidly as he went . Toad never paused to reply . Solid revenge was what he wanted , not cheap , windy , verbal triumphs , though he had a thing or two in his mind that he would have liked to say . He saw what he wanted ahead of him . Running swiftly on he overtook the horse , unfastened the towrope and cast off , jumped lightly on the horse 's back , and urged it to a gallop by kicking it vigorously in the sides . He steered for the open country , abandoning the tow - path , and swinging his steed down a rutty lane . Once he looked back , and saw that the barge had run aground on the other side of the canal , and the barge - woman was gesticulating wildly and shouting , ' Stop , stop , stop ! ' ' I 've heard that song before , ' said Toad , laughing , as he continued to spur his steed onward in its wild career . He had travelled some miles , his horse and he , and he was feeling drowsy in the hot sunshine , when the horse stopped , lowered his head , and began to nibble the grass ; and Toad , waking up , just saved himself from falling off by an effort . He looked about him and found he was on a wide common , dotted with patches of gorse and bramble as far as he could see . Near him stood a dingy gipsy caravan , and beside it a man was sitting on a bucket turned upside down , very busy smoking and staring into the wide world . A fire of sticks was burning near by , and over the fire hung an iron pot , and out of that pot came forth bubblings and gurglings , and a vague suggestive steaminess . Also smells - warm , rich , and varied smells - that twined and twisted and wreathed themselves at last into one complete , voluptuous , perfect smell that seemed like the very soul of Nature taking form and appearing to her children , a true Goddess , a mother of solace and comfort . Toad now knew well that he had not been really hungry before . What he had felt earlier in the day had been a mere trifling qualm . This was the real thing at last , and no mistake ; and it would have to be dealt with speedily , too , or there would be trouble for somebody or something . He looked the gipsy over carefully , wondering vaguely whether it would be easier to fight him or cajole him . So there he sat , and sniffed and sniffed , and looked at the gipsy ; and the gipsy sat and smoked , and looked at him . Toad was completely taken aback . He did not know that gipsies were very fond of horse - dealing , and never missed an opportunity , and he had not reflected that caravans were always on the move and took a deal of drawing . It had not occurred to him to turn the horse into cash , but the gipsy 's suggestion seemed to smooth the way towards the two things he wanted so badly - ready money , and a solid breakfast . ' What ? ' he said , ' me sell this beautiful young horse of mine ? O , no ; it 's out of the question . Who 's going to take the washing home to my customers every week ? Besides , I 'm too fond of him , and he simply dotes on me . ' ' You don 't seem to see , ' continued Toad , ' that this fine horse of mine is a cut above you altogether . He 's a blood horse , he is , partly ; not the part you see , of course - another part . And he 's been a Prize Hackney , too , in his time - that was the time before you knew him , but you can still tell it on him at a glance , if you understand anything about horses . No , it 's not to be thought of for a moment . All the same , how much might you be disposed to offer me for this beautiful young horse of mine ? ' ' A shilling a leg ? ' cried Toad . ' If you please , I must take a little time to work that out , and see just what it comes to . ' He climbed down off his horse , and left it to graze , and sat down by the gipsy , and did sums on his fingers , and at last he said , ' A shilling a leg ? Why , that comes to exactly four shillings , and no more . O , no ; I could not think of accepting four shillings for this beautiful young horse of mine . ' ' Well , ' said the gipsy , ' I 'll tell you what I will do . I 'll make it five shillings , and that 's three - and - sixpence more than the animal 's worth . And that 's my last word . ' Then Toad sat and pondered long and deeply . For he was hungry and quite penniless , and still some way - he knew not how far - from home , and enemies might still be looking for him . To one in such a situation , five shillings may very well appear a large sum of money . On the other hand , it did not seem very much to get for a horse . But then , again , the horse hadn 't cost him anything ; so whatever he got was all clear profit . At last he said firmly , ' Look here , gipsy ! I tell you what we will do ; and this is MY last word . You shall hand me over six shillings and sixpence , cash down ; and further , in addition thereto , you shall give me as much breakfast as I can possibly eat , at one sitting of course , out of that iron pot of yours that keeps sending forth such delicious and exciting smells . In return , I will make over to you my spirited young horse , with all the beautiful harness and trappings that are on him , freely thrown in . If that 's not good enough for you , say so , and I 'll be getting on . I know a man near here who 's wanted this horse of mine for years . ' The gipsy grumbled frightfully , and declared if he did a few more deals of that sort he 'd be ruined . But in the end he lugged a dirty canvas bag out of the depths of his trouser pocket , and counted out six shillings and sixpence into Toad 's paw . Then he disappeared into the caravan for an instant , and returned with a large iron plate and a knife , fork , and spoon . He tilted up the pot , and a glorious stream of hot rich stew gurgled into the plate . It was , indeed , the most beautiful stew in the world , being made of partridges , and pheasants , and chickens , and hares , and rabbits , and pea - hens , and guinea - fowls , and one or two other things . Toad took the plate on his lap , almost crying , and stuffed , and stuffed , and stuffed , and kept asking for more , and the gipsy never grudged it him . He thought that he had never eaten so good a breakfast in all his life . When Toad had taken as much stew on board as he thought he could possibly hold , he got up and said good - bye to the gipsy , and took an affectionate farewell of the horse ; and the gipsy , who knew the riverside well , gave him directions which way to go , and he set forth on his travels again in the best possible spirits . He was , indeed , a very different Toad from the animal of an hour ago . The sun was shining brightly , his wet clothes were quite dry again , he had money in his pocket once more , he was nearing home and friends and safety , and , most and best of all , he had had a substantial meal , hot and nourishing , and felt big , and strong , and careless , and self - confident . As he tramped along gaily , he thought of his adventures and escapes , and how when things seemed at their worst he had always managed to find a way out ; and his pride and conceit began to swell within him . ' Ho , ho ! ' he said to himself as he marched along with his chin in the air , ' what a clever Toad I am ! There is surely no animal equal to me for cleverness in the whole world ! My enemies shut me up in prison , encircled by sentries , watched night and day by warders ; I walk out through them all , by sheer ability coupled with courage . They pursue me with engines , and policemen , and revolvers ; I snap my fingers at them , and vanish , laughing , into space . I am , unfortunately , thrown into a canal by a woman fat of body and very evil - minded . What of it ? I swim ashore , I seize her horse , I ride off in triumph , and I sell the horse for a whole pocketful of money and an excellent breakfast ! Ho , ho ! I am The Toad , the handsome , the popular , the successful Toad ! ' He got so puffed up with conceit that he made up a song as he walked in praise of himself , and sang it at the top of his voice , though there was no one to hear it but him . It was perhaps the most conceited song that any animal ever composed . ' This is something like ! ' said the excited Toad . ' This is real life again , this is once more the great world from which I have been missed so long ! I will hail them , my brothers of the wheel , and pitch them a yarn , of the sort that has been so successful hitherto ; and they will give me a lift , of course , and then I will talk to them some more ; and , perhaps , with luck , it may even end in my driving up to Toad Hall in a motor - car ! That will be one in the eye for Badger ! ' He stepped confidently out into the road to hail the motor - car , which came along at an easy pace , slowing down as it neared the lane ; when suddenly he became very pale , his heart turned to water , his knees shook and yielded under him , and he doubled up and collapsed with a sickening pain in his interior . And well he might , the unhappy animal ; for the approaching car was the very one he had stolen out of the yard of the Red Lion Hotel on that fatal day when all his troubles began ! And the people in it were the very same people he had sat and watched at luncheon in the coffee - room ! He sank down in a shabby , miserable heap in the road , murmuring to himself in his despair , ' It 's all up ! It 's all over now ! Chains and policemen again ! Prison again ! Dry bread and water again ! O , what a fool I have been ! What did I want to go strutting about the country for , singing conceited songs , and hailing people in broad day on the high road , instead of hiding till nightfall and slipping home quietly by back ways ! O hapless Toad ! O ill - fated animal ! ' The terrible motor - car drew slowly nearer and nearer , till at last he heard it stop just short of him . Two gentlemen got out and walked round the trembling heap of crumpled misery lying in the road , and one of them said , ' O dear ! this is very sad ! Here is a poor old thing - a washerwoman apparently - who has fainted in the road ! Perhaps she is overcome by the heat , poor creature ; or possibly she has not had any food to - day . Let us lift her into the car and take her to the nearest village , where doubtless she has friends . ' ' Look ! ' said one of the gentlemen , ' she is better already . The fresh air is doing her good . How do you feel now , ma ' am ? ' ' Thank you kindly , Sir , ' said Toad in a feeble voice , ' I 'm feeling a great deal better ! ' ' That 's right , ' said the gentleman . ' Now keep quite still , and , above all , don 't try to talk . ' ' What a very sensible woman ! ' said the gentleman . ' Of course you shall . ' So they carefully helped Toad into the front seat beside the driver , and on they went again . The driver laughed at the proposal , so heartily that the gentleman inquired what the matter was . When he heard , he said , to Toad 's delight , ' Bravo , ma ' am ! I like your spirit . Let her have a try , and look after her . She won 't do any harm . ' The driver tried to interfere , but he pinned him down in his seat with one elbow , and put on full speed . The rush of air in his face , the hum of the engines , and the light jump of the car beneath him intoxicated his weak brain . ' Washerwoman , indeed ! ' he shouted recklessly . ' Ho ! ho ! I am the Toad , the motor - car snatcher , the prison - breaker , the Toad who always escapes ! Sit still , and you shall know what driving really is , for you are in the hands of the famous , the skilful , the entirely fearless Toad ! ' With a cry of horror the whole party rose and flung themselves on him . ' Seize him ! ' they cried , ' seize the Toad , the wicked animal who stole our motor - car ! Bind him , chain him , drag him to the nearest police - station ! Down with the desperate and dangerous Toad ! ' Alas ! they should have thought , they ought to have been more prudent , they should have remembered to stop the motor - car somehow before playing any pranks of that sort . With a half - turn of the wheel the Toad sent the car crashing through the low hedge that ran along the roadside . One mighty bound , a violent shock , and the wheels of the car were churning up the thick mud of a horse - pond . Toad found himself flying through the air with the strong upward rush and delicate curve of a swallow . He liked the motion , and was just beginning to wonder whether it would go on until he developed wings and turned into a Toad - bird , when he landed on his back with a thump , in the soft rich grass of a meadow . Sitting up , he could just see the motor - car in the pond , nearly submerged ; the gentlemen and the driver , encumbered by their long coats , were floundering helplessly in the water . He picked himself up rapidly , and set off running across country as hard as he could , scrambling through hedges , jumping ditches , pounding across fields , till he was breathless and weary , and had to settle down into an easy walk . When he had recovered his breath somewhat , and was able to think calmly , he began to giggle , and from giggling he took to laughing , and he laughed till he had to sit down under a hedge . ' Ho , ho ! ' he cried , in ecstasies of self - admiration , ' Toad again ! Toad , as usual , comes out on the top ! Who was it got them to give him a lift ? Who managed to get on the front seat for the sake of fresh air ? Who persuaded them into letting him see if he could drive ? Who landed them all in a horse - pond ? Who escaped , flying gaily and unscathed through the air , leaving the narrow - minded , grudging , timid excursionists in the mud where they should rightly be ? Why , Toad , of course ; clever Toad , great Toad , GOOD Toad ! ' ' The motor - car went Poop - poop - poop , As it raced along the road . Who was it steered it into a pond ? Ingenious Mr . Toad ! O , how clever I am ! How clever , how clever , how very clev - - ' Poor Toad sprang to his feet and pelted away again , his heart in his mouth . O , my ! ' he gasped , as he panted along , ' what an ASS I am ! What a CONCEITED and heedless ass ! Swaggering again ! Shouting and singing songs again ! Sitting still and gassing again ! O my ! O my ! O my ! ' He glanced back , and saw to his dismay that they were gaining on him . On he ran desperately , but kept looking back , and saw that they still gained steadily . He did his best , but he was a fat animal , and his legs were short , and still they gained . He could hear them close behind him now . Ceasing to heed where he was going , he struggled on blindly and wildly , looking back over his shoulder at the now triumphant enemy , when suddenly the earth failed under his feet , he grasped at the air , and , splash ! he found himself head over ears in deep water , rapid water , water that bore him along with a force he could not contend with ; and he knew that in his blind panic he had run straight into the river ! He rose to the surface and tried to grasp the reeds and the rushes that grew along the water 's edge close under the bank , but the stream was so strong that it tore them out of his hands . ' O my ! ' gasped poor Toad , ' if ever I steal a motor - car again ! If ever I sing another conceited song ' - then down he went , and came up breathless and spluttering . Presently he saw that he was approaching a big dark hole in the bank , just above his head , and as the stream bore him past he reached up with a paw and caught hold of the edge and held on . Then slowly and with difficulty he drew himself up out of the water , till at last he was able to rest his elbows on the edge of the hole . There he remained for some minutes , puffing and panting , for he was quite exhausted . |
Ryan came home Saturday . . . thank goodness ! I needed him home badly , for my sanity 's sake . As soon as he came through the door Haley yells out , " We 're a real family again ! ! ! " . Well said . Not much went on this weekend . Sunday morning I was able to take Etta out , Jeff came with me . There 's this great spot out by Provo airport , it 's a dirt road that goes forever right along Utah lake . Etta can run free and I can practice training her somewhere other than our backyard . Plus it 's pretty quite so she doesn 't get distracted as easily . Right now I 'm still working on the command " come " ( she knows sit and stay pretty well now ) . She knows " come " by my calling the command and by the whistle but I want her to learn using only my hand signals . . . she 's having trouble with that one . Anyway , eventually I 'll need a field to practice in . My neighborhood is surrounded by fields , one after another , but all are fenced with " No Trespassing " signs . But on Sunday , Jeff and I spotted two pheasant hunters in a field hunting with their dogs . PERFECT ! It turns out you have to be a member of the hunting club to go onto the field , but the owner said that I could use it any time to work with my dog . So I 'm pretty relieved . . . I found a perfect spot super close to where I live . In other news . . . It 's amazing what school can do for your kids . They 're like little sponges , taking everything in even when you think they aren 't listening . The other day I was fixing the girls ' their lunch when Haley started singing . . . I know what 's new there , she 's always singing ! But then I started listening and realized she was singing the months of the year . . . in order , starting from January to December ! ! ! Wow ! But then when I asked her to do it for Ryan when he came home she absolutely refused . . . I haven 't heard her do it since . But then she has never done anything on command , she has always done things her way . But I was pretty impressed to say the least ! It seems I 've been having a lot of these lately . . . I 'll blame it on the fact that Ryan has been gone since Sunday . This evening I went a bit crazy ! Do you ever have those moments that you look around the house and you just feel so closed in , surrounded by so much stuff that you just want to throw everything away ? ! Well , that 's exactly how I felt when I walked into the girls ' room . I didn 't know where to begin ! ! Toys were everywhere ! ! Not to mention an opened shampoo bottle on the floor , a wet diaper ( Morgan has been into striping lately ) , my broom and dust pan ( I have no idea how those got there ) and my scrapbooking pens ( all with their caps off ) . You 're probably asking where was I during all this . . . OK , I was talking on the phone to Ryan when they were getting into their shenanigans . . . but in my defense , this was my first time actually getting to talk to him longer than 3 minutes . I think we got to talk about 10 minutes this time . . . woo hoo ! ! He has been so super busy in Vegas usually we just say hi and then he talks to the girls a little bit and then it 's " I love you , goodbye " . So I heard the girls playing in their room when I was on the phone , I was just relieved that they weren 't fighting and kept my fingers crossed and hoped for the best ! Well , that didn 't work out so well . Anyway , so I walk into their room going into crazy mama mode . I brought in the trash can and just started throwing things away . NO , I didn 't throw away their good toys , just junky , stupid toys that I have no idea where they came from and of course real trash , such as coloring book pages or torn up kid magazines . Haley started completely freaking out , " Don 't throw away my toys , I love my toys , they 're my favorite toys ! ! ! ! " . Then she started yelling " Daddy is my best friend , he loves my toys too ! ! ! ! " . Lovely . So finally , after a bit of arguing and fussing . . . and one broken storage bin later , we got the room cleaned up . Hopefully tomorrow is a better day ! . . . I 've been off my game this week with my updates ! I 've gotta get on the ball ! So Ryan has been in Vegas this week , he left on Sunday and he 'll be back on Saturday . And just for the record , we haven 't had cereal for dinner yet this week ! ! Since Jeff is living here I thought I 'd better keep on cooking dinners before he wastes away to nothing . He 's lost about 10 pounds since he 's moved here ! ! ! He 's loosing his freshman fifteen instead of gaining it ! I swear there 's food here , and I cook dinner every night . . . I promise ! ! Although , he wouldn 't care if we did have cereal for dinner , he could live off that stuff ! Last night I 'm cooking dinner he asks , " Is there anything I can do to help you ? " WHAT ? ! ! Is that Jeff asking that ? ! ! ! WOW ! ! ! So I told him there 's a box of brownie mix . . . he can make some dessert . And he did ! ! That was super nice of him , and the girls were also very grateful ! It certainly makes things easier for me when Ryan 's gone . I can 't believe how hard my Grandpa and my Uncle worked on this playhouse . . . two days straight . They only took a break when they were eating lunch or had to make a quick run to the lumber yard . . . I 'm so impressed ! ! It looks fantastic ! ! We just love it ! ! We are awaiting the arrival of my grandparents and Uncle who are driving in today . My grandpa , that would be Haley and Morgan 's Great Grandfather , is gracious enough to build a playhouse for our yard . This isn 't just any playhouse either ! It 's going to be 6 feet square and 6 feet high , with a cute little porch . He has basically built most of it already , and he will assemble it when he gets here . They 're driving in from the L . B . C . so I don 't expect them until later this evening . I 've been trying to decide on what colors to paint it . . . Haley wants green , but we 'll see . It took me about 3 months to decide on the color for our living room / kitchen , so hopefully I don 't take that long this time ! Have I ever mentioned that I can be very indecisive ! On a different note . . . Morgan has been very interested in the potty these past several days . You would think I would be very excited about this , but to tell you the truth I am SOOOO NOT ready to potty train her ! Maybe the last experience of training Haley is too fresh in my mind or maybe it 's the fact that I 'm trying to train a puppy where to poop . . . I don 't need more poop messes right now ! But whatever the reason I 'm just not that into it . Of course I 'm not going to fight the issue , but I 'm not going to force it either . Yesterday , she peed in the potty . I know , I know that 's very good ! She still wears a diaper for now , but if she wants to use it , I 'm certainly not going to say no . Haley is so funny , she 's like Morgan 's little cheerleader when she 's trying to go . That 's kinda cute ! And Morgan sits there for the longest time squinting her eyes trying so hard to produce something . . . because the only thing she 's really excited about is getting to use the toilet paper is she does go . It 's the little things it life ! ! A few years ago we planted a peach tree in our backyard , and finally , this year it 's producing fruit ! I 've been keeping an eye on those peaches all year , the girls have been super excited about them too . They would always give me the latest update in size or color change in them , and they would never dare pick one ! I would say we had over 30 growing earlier this year . . . now , we have about 3 left . . . let me add , we have not even had one yet ! ! ! ! The thieves being my dogs . . . I love them , but man , can they drive me crazy ! ! In the beginning Cassidy could reach the low hanging ones , and Etta would run like crazy toward the tree and jump snatching them off in midair ( kind of impressive really ) . Now that they 've gotten all the low ones they have to get a little more creative . Cassidy has been on death 's door several times this year with random illnesses , and her back legs are so bad she can barely hold herself up anymore . But when it comes to peaches , nothing stops her . I saw her the other day very carefully balancing herself on her hind legs and raising herself to get one . Of course I yell at her " NO ! ! " and race over there to protect my precious peach ! Etta will grab hold of the lower branches and shake them vigorously until a peach falls . Now all that 's left from my bounty are scattered peach pits throughout the yard . . . boo hoo . So not only is that going with our poor tree , but it 's also on the verge of falling over ! During the latest storm , the wind blew it so hard that it 's now leaning way over . So I got some stakes to secure it and then put a little fence around it to keep Etta from gnawing on the ties that are holding it in place . It 's also helping to prevent her from gnawing directly on the truck of the tree , another favorite pastime for her . That poor tree has really endured a lot this summer . . . I hope it survives all the abuse ! And hopefully I 'll get to try at least one peach this year ! ! We had a pretty nice weekend , the weather has been beautiful lately . The mornings are getting much cooler ! Fall is definitely here . . . the leaves up in the mountains are already changing ! I have to admit I do love this time of year , although I 'm going to miss summer . Anyway , back to the weekend . I was able to go on a hike Saturday morning , just me and the dog ( Etta ) . It was wonderful ! ! ! We hiked up Rock Canyon a ways , actually it was the furthest I 've ever hiked up . Usually the kids are with us so we 're kinda of limited to how far we can go . This time I just couldn 't stop , it kept getting prettier every turn I took . And it was so nice to be alone , very soothing , and peaceful ! It was much needed . . . thank you Ryan ! I felt very refreshed when I got home ! Sunday we went on our morning ride up the canyon . . . kinda chilly ! It won 't be long and I 'll have to wear leg warmers . Then Church followed by a visit to the park in the afternoon . We choose this park that has a huge field beside it so I could work with Etta while the girls played . However , that Sunday ( usually no one is there on a Sunday ) it was so crowed . . . I think it must have been a family reunion going on . So of course my training session was a disaster since Etta kept on getting distracted . I made up for it later that evening . My training is going pretty well . I 'm just working on the basics so far ; sit , stay , come . I have to make sure she knows these all by hand motions too , along with whistle cues , because when she 's in the field she may not be able to hear me . She does really well when we 're in the moment of training , but as soon as the leash comes off and I use my cues she doesn 't do it ! It is very frustrating at times , but I 'll keep trying . This has got to pay off eventually , right ? During the past few weeks I 've had to take Jeff to the mall on several occasions for him to pick up applications , return applications , and a few interviews . So I 've had some time to do a lot of window shopping . The Fall fashions line the store fronts . . . and I 've come to the conclusion that Ryan and I need new clothes ! ! I try so hard to keep up with the times ; the clothes , shoes , hair styles , make - up , but no matter what , it seems I 'm always falling behind . In my defense , a lot of the extra money goes to the kids and things they need since they 're constantly out growing everything ! Maybe I been feeling a little behind the times because I 've been spending a lot of time on Jeff 's college campus . . . that 's just not a good place for me ! I just feel old ! ! It feels just like yesterday that Ryan and I were walking around our college campus . . . looking cool of course . Where did the time go ? ! It 's amazing how when you have kids life goes into super speed , and before you know it the cute shoes that you thought you bought last year are really from 5 years ago and not looking so cute anymore . So lately when I bring Haley home from Preschool she immediately turns into Miss Haley the school teacher , Morgan and Pooh Bear being her students . It 's just so cute ! She pulls out a stool for Morgan to sit on , and Poor Bear gets to sit on the diaper genie ( lucky him ) and she uses all the papers and projects she brought home that day as " work " for her " students " to do . And surprisingly , Morgan actually follows along with it ! So sometimes , if I 'm lucky , I get a few minutes to catch up on other things while they play nicely in the room . Off the topic . . . but funny ! When Morgan wants to say cookie , she says it " dookie " . It pretty much cracks us up every time ! " I want a dookie please ! " Ahhh , so funny ! I have a bone to pick with mothers who display too much perfection ! ! I just don 't get it ! Mothers need to see other mothers imperfections . . . a messy house once in a while , kids that don 't always behave , a crappy dinner , you get the idea ! This one family that used to live in my neighborhood ALWAYS had a perfect house , I could be just popping in one day . . . yep , PERFECT , not a crumb anywhere ! And it seemed their kids always behaved well , they were little angels that never got a smudge on their clothes , chewed with their mouths closed , never once picked their noses , and never ever forgot to say please and thank you . ( OK , I 'm probably exaggerating quite a bit now ) But seriously . . . how is that possible ! ! I just leave their house feeling bad . We all want to make good first impressions , I understand that , but come on . . . no one is perfect all the time ! And I don 't want people to think I am . . . I screw up probably on a daily basis . I could go on and on with all the things that I need to work on . I 'm sure Ryan could add to my already long list , but , I 'm trying every day to do the best I can . It 's OK to have crumbs under the table sometimes , or dishes in the sink . . . and who cares if the whole family is still wearing pj 's at 11 : 00 in the morning ! ! Yes , I know , I shouldn 't compare myself to anyone . . . but come on . . . we all do it sometimes ! I get on these tangents every now and then , and then I 'm OK . One of the things I love best is when I get together with other mothers and hear all their crazy stories of motherhood . . . you know the stories that when it happened you 're in tears , but later you laugh about it ( goodness , I have a lot of those ) . I get sick of hearing about how life is so so perfect , nothing ever goes wrong , " What , your kid had a temper tantrum in the grocery store ? My kids never do that ! " . UGH ! OK , I 'm not sure I should even post this . . . I certainly don 't want to offend anyone . But I 'm all about honesty on this blog ! My point : Don 't be a phony . . . it 's OK to show other people your imperfections ! ! And if you are that perfect . . . wePosted by One of the things I love about Utah , is how easy it is to get of town ! Within minutes you can be up in the mountains making you feel you 're hours away from home . Love that ! So anyway , we packed up the car Saturday morning and headed out to Nebo for an overnight camp trip . Packing the car was a process in itself ! ! I wish my camera was working because it was a sight to see ! Ryan accomplished what I thought might me the impossible . . . I can 't believe how much stuff we needed for just one night ! Granted the dog box took up the majority of the space , and then after the camp kitchen was in , it didn 't leave much room after that ! But we managed to get everything we needed . . . and probably stuff we didn 't really need . So anyway , we found a nice little camp spot with a lake / pond in hiking distance , which was nice . We also took a drive in the afternoon further up Nebo Loop to take in some sights . . . beautiful ! We ended the day with a campfire and smores . . . probably Haley and Morgan 's favorite part ! That , and sleeping in a tent . . . they just love it ! However , that night I didn 't get any sleep . . . that 's usually a given when camping . It was Morgan 's first time in her own sleeping bag . . . which she was super excited about ! Morgan slept next to me , and she woke up about every 30 minutes ( I may be exaggerating , but that 's what it felt like ) . She would call out " Mommy ! " and then reach out to me smashing her hands against every inch of my face . Yes , Morgan . . . it 's still me beside you ! ! So that wasn 't very cool . And then sometime in the middle of night Etta needed out of her crate to go to the bathroom . So I got up to do that . . . but then I got scared standing outside the tent . I thought what if a bear attacks me and carries me away . . . my family wouldn 't even know what happened to me ! ( Yes , I have a slight fear of bears . ) So I poked my head into the tent and called Ryan 's name . . . like 10 times ! He didn 't move . . . so I ended up finally getting his attention by throwing a shoe at him ( don 't worry , not at his head or anything ) . I just wanted him to be aKelly This morning Jeff and I are talking in the kitchen while grabbing a quick breakfast . I realized that we had been talking for like 10 minutes without a single interruption from the girls . . . that 's NOT a good thing ! ! Haley comes in the room with a ziplock baggie that she filled full of panties from her drawer . ( Earlier , both Haley and Morgan were trying on all the different kinds of panties . . . whatever . ) So anyway , I ask Haley where she got the ziplock baggie . She says she took out the cream that was in it so she could put her panties in it . OH NO ! ! I go running into the bedroom to find Morgan standing there without her diaper , rubbing the diaper cream all herself . Not to mention all over the floor ! Of course Haley is absolutely no help . . . she gave me no warning that Morgan was getting into mischief . The funny part about the whole thing was when I was talking to Jeff , I was talking about how rewarding having children can be ! Good timing Morggie ! So I 'm not sure what 's going through Jeff 's head . . . maybe . . . " What on Earth am I doing here ? ! " . Living in a house with two small children is a huge adjustment for him , actually I think he takes it quite well . He 's such a mellow person , it would take a lot to make him go completely nuts . He went with us today to drop Haley off at preschool so that we could get some errands done for him before his class . I kid you not , Morgan screamed the entire time we were driving around ! We had to make a stop at the mall because he wanted to pick up some applications for a job . We were walking through the mall to the Buckle store ( Morgan was not being the best child at the moment ) . Jeff 's words to me , " Umm , are you coming in too ? " . I 'm sure he was thinking , " Please , do not follow me into this store with that screaming child ! ! ! " . To his relief , I took Morgan into the Disney store while we waited for him to do his thing . Even if she was being good at that moment , I wouldn 't have gone in with him , just for the record . Then later today , after his class , he was supposed to get a ride home from our brother Matt ( he is also taking classes there ) . They were going to meet up and maybe grab lunch together and do cool college type things . However , Matt wasn 't able to get down there . So last minute I had to jump back in the car and go back to the school to pick Jeff up . I found him at the fountain in the center of campus looking very collegiate reading in the shade . And I looked anything but collegiate racing through the Student Center ( the first fifteen minutes are free parking , hence the reason I was racing ) toting two children . I 'm sure I was the last person he wanted to see ! Not really , he was very appreciative ! I guess if you 're other option is to walk home , he 'll take a ride in the family wagon ! We have really enjoyed having him here , whether he feels the same . . . well , I don 't know ! But he 's a very easy going person , and he can be very helpful with the girls . I 'm sure he doesn 't enjoy hearing the sound of dress up shoes on tile floors at Posted by Well , today marks the first time in months that I 've worn a sweatsuit . Yes , I don 't care what the fashion gurus say about them . . . nothing beats a sweatsuit on a cold day ! Gotta love them ! Plus , you can find some really cute ones . My goal is to get myself and the girls matching ones just like in the movie Royal Tenenbaums . . . OK , not really . So today , like I was saying , is cold and rainy along with lightning and thunder . Doesn 't make for good Labor Day , although I do love listening to the thunder . We wanted to get out for a hike or something , but looks like we may be rained out , it doesn 't look like it going to slow down any . . . bummer . One good thing . . . it 's a perfect cookie baking day ! I 'm a wife to a wonderful husband and mother to four fabulous girls . I 'm a ski instructor in the Winter and a wannabe mountain biker in the Summer . This is a little glimpse into my world . Welcome . |
Our friends in Germany had a version of these , and to be honest , had we not tried theirs first , we never would have purchased this item for ourselves . It seems so silly ! An electric grinder for salt and pepper ! Please ! How lazy can we get ? Well , pretty lazy , apparently . But whatever ! Because these are so FUN ! And oddly satisfying to use ! Just push the button on the top and ground spice comes out the bottom . Everyone we 've given them to has really liked them as well . We 've been buying ours ( as gifts ) from various vendors on Amazon , but they are also available at specialized kitchen stores . The two wind up toys above are from Kikkerland . They spark and jump and turn and move in funny paths . We gave them to our kids last year for Christmas , although , due to the sparking , etc . , they 're not recommended for younger kids . The kids used them with supervision and they have held up fairly well . This Jack in the Box ornament below has also been a big hit with the kids . We 've had it since 2008 . It 's missing a bow , but still works ! As an ornament , it doesn 't stay on the tree for very long . The kids can 't wind it until about age 3 or 4 . Now we 're at the point where there 's always a bigger kid willing to wind it for a smaller kid . I always feel like I won a small victory when something encourages an older and younger to work together . The weight of things going on in life has overwhelmed my ability to small talk . As far as this blog goes : I think it 's healthy to post about small things . I think it keeps me from being overwhelmed . I think I 'm better at small talk in real life when I 'm practicing it here on my blog . And yet , at the same time , when I am feeling particularly worried , it 's hard to think about the details . It 's hard to be lighthearted . It 's hard to be funny . It 's hard to be creative . Instead , I find myself obsessively reading the latest news cycle to take my mind off Weighty Things in Life . It 's a poor strategy . The news cycles have been pretty horrible the last month . My mother had a series of panic attacks last month . This is the first time anyone I love has ever spiraled into panic attacks . My experience has been : you see it coming and feel pretty helpless to do anything about it . Actually , I was very concerned that the whole spiral was going to end in a heart attack ( or worse ) . So far , I 've noticed one doesn 't just snap out of it . It takes time . It takes medical leave . It takes patience . What else ? I don 't know , I 'm still learning about this . I feel frustrated to be thousands of miles away . My uncle , who lives nearby , has spent the last 3 years battling lymphoma . He is undergoing his third round of chemo now . The most recent cancer return has been the most aggressive variant yet . The cancer is everywhere in his body , and most days it feels like every piece of medical news is bad news . In fact , about three weeks ago , the doctors gave him 2 - 3 weeks to live without treatment . He 's still alive . I 'm learning the human body can do amazing things , but learning this through experience is not something I would wish upon anybody . I think : I would like to stop reading the newspaper . I would like to post about non weighty topics . I think I will post about other things . But I also felt like I had to share this information to move forward . After Trixie was born in 2013 , I confided to my friend , with a baby about the same age as Trixie , that I couldn 't go anywhere in a car without the newborn Trixie screaming , screaming , screaming . I 'd sing , I 'd enlist the boys help , I 'd cycle through songs on CDs , I 'd ( carefully ! ) break or accelerate a little faster , hoping to distract her . Nothing . My new sister - in - law is pregnant . She has an app for her phone telling her what foods are safe enough for her to eat . She uses it in restaurants . The waiters get a workout between the table and kitchen while they trace down the source of all the ingredients in the food . Some eggs apparently have significantly more toxins in them than others , you know . A few weeks ago , I missed another important text from a friend regarding our children . And I felt ( again ! ) the guilt of my technology aversion . Maybe it 's time I finally got a smart phone rather than using this dumb phone . I 'm ruining my friendships ! This really has to change , it 's time I grow up and get connected . I 've thought about buying myself a smart phone with my very modest earnings from my Etsy store this fall . But , I have to confess , I 'm still not sure I can bring myself to do it . I 'm not sure I really trust myself to put the damn thing down . And what if I stop singing to my kids because my smartphone really is a silver ( or rose gold ! ) bullet ? Personally , " I don 't know how you do it " is one of those compliments that I 'd like to never hear again . In full disclosure , I will also admit that I 've most certainly used this compliment before . I 've probably used it right here on this very blog . Trixie has been a hot mess of toddler independence lately . She wants to do everything herself and she 's far more determined about it than either of her brothers were when they went through their toddler independence streaks . Trixie 's independence streak includes everything from eating , to walking , to riding her bike , to picking up , to putting on clothes by herself . The putting on of clothes is probably the biggest area of contention right now . If she 's not allowed to put on a sock or a shoe or a pair of pants on completely by herself ( which she can BARELY do , by the way ) watch out ! If I even touch an article of clothing while she 's doing it herself , she rips the clothing off and starts all over again . " My turn ! " she yells . It 's sort of funny - and yet horrible in slow , painful , drawn out way . I would have been really disturbed by this behavior if she was my first kid , but being my third , I think I 'm a little more , " okay - whatever . " Well , I 'm not completely " whatever " about it . We are working on it . This week , I convinced her to let me lay the clothes on the floor for her before she tries to put them on . This makes it somewhat easier for her , since we can at least 1 ) orient openings in the right approximate direction for limbs and 2 ) make sure that nothing is half way inside out before we begin . Excuse me , I mean , before she begins . One of the surprises in her independence streak is the discovery of Noah 's influence . For example , today we went out for a bike ride . Trixie wanted to ride her balance bike , because , of course , everyone else was riding their bike . I wanted Trixie to sit in the bike trailer . She 's pretty fast on the balance bike , but we were planning to go a longer distance . And , well , she 's not keep - up - with - her - brothers - on - real - bikes fast . Trixie and I went back and forth : she , insisting on her bike , me , using every parenting strategy I could think of to convince her to get in the bike trailer . It wasn 't that Noah said anything I hadn 't already said . It was more like she didn 't trust me . She needed to hear it from someone else . Like her brother . I was miffed . She 's only two , and somehow , I 'm already not cool enough to listen to ? I 'm glad that she will listen to someone , but . . . . And then a similar thing happened to Fritz when he had all three children at the museum . The weather turned ( a bit ) more fall - like this week . I 'm not sure if I can credit the change in weather , or the cooler temperatures , but I suddenly feel like I have a lot more energy . I don 't think I 'm built for temperatures above 90 degrees . The 80s are sort of pushing it , too . I finished a custom clown costume the other day . I think it turned out really cute ! I took some photos before I shipped it off , and , well , I hope it is loved . Fritz is starting to get grumpy about my " free " time being diverted . I mean , he talks a good , supportive talk , but I can see some pouting . It would be easy to get sort of self - righteous about having time to do The Stuff I Want to Do and brush off his unvocalized feelings . After all , how many years have I put prioritized him and the kids , often a high cost to myself ? Many . It seems like an unhealthy perspective , however . And sometimes I think I have to be especially careful with my thoughts , lest they become more than just observations , but self - fulfilling prophecies as well . Still . It 's so easy for me to sink into a project , to make myself busy by obsessing over things . ( Maybe that should be the definition of busy : " Putting things before people . " ) Either way , I 'm slowing down , refocusing on my family . Although , I am trying to make some sheep masks for my mother . . . but I 'm making them sloooowly , and then , I REALLY am going to stop making things for a while . Here 's my prototype : I don 't know . This sheep mask is somehow not right . Maybe the whole face and ears need to be white ? Maybe the ears look too much like mouse ears ? Maybe I need to ditch the " eyelashes " that look nothing like eyelashes ? ( I was trying to make the sheep look sweeter , or something . I don 't know . ) Maybe I need lighter grey thread . But , see ? Here I am obsessing , over THINGS . . . . The truth is , designing anything is a lot of obsessing and trial and error and time - consumption . There 's a reason that I haven 't done it much in the last 8 years . The trick is figuring out how to allocate time going forward , so that it doesn 't overwhelm the people around me but so that I get start doing a little bit of what I love . Lately , I 've been neglected this blog as I bury a fair amount of time into making clown costumes . I don 't know why . Somehow I really LOVE making clown costumes . For me , there 's something so satisfying about the process of making - well , the process of making just about anything . The clown costumes are such a good excuse to be a little more cheery and bright and silly than I feel like I get to be in everyday life . I 've exceeded the number of clown costumes my children could ever reasonably use , so they are for sale here . The costumes are getting more gorgeous and well - made with each rendition . For some reason , their extravagance alone motivates me to continue making them . When I first started making clown costumes , I mentioned that my goal is to teach myself how to sew well enough to sew clothes for me . Five years ago , I was disassembling pants and then copying the pattern and re - sewing new ones . It was a struggle . With the clown costumes , I had to re - work the store - bought pattern to get the size and proportions and silhouette that I wanted . I 'm feeling a lot more confident after all the clown - costume - making than I was after the pant - making . Now I 'm starting to think about designing a shirt . A shirt for me . I 've reached the point where I feel confident enough with my pattern - making and sewing skills to try . Although , it 's a pretty simple design . I 've also been collecting old sheets to cut up and use on my trial run ( s ) . The other thing I would really like to design is a Christmas Tree Skirt . I don 't know why we don 't have one ! No : I DO know why . Every year , I wrap a table cloth woven by Fritz 's grandmother around the bottom of the tree . I tell myself that it 's sentimental and therefore ideal . And it sort of is ideal . Ideal - ish . Except , it 's a off - white table cloth ( with brownish flecks ) , and I would like a red tree skirt . And it fits well enough , but not great . Also it 's a table cloth ! I never use table clothes on tables ( at least , not with kids ) , so it 's nice to have an excuse to use it . See ? Ideal - ish . Anyway . I haven 't really dreamed up the perfect tree skirt yet . I 'm never moved enough by the tree skirts that I see in the stores to buy one . But maybe if I start putting some brain power into thinking about tree skirts NOW , I 'll come up with something to make before Christmas . . . I took this photo Wednesday morning at the zoo in Denver . Apparently , not everyone feels the same . Or not everyone has heard the news . Or maybe some people feel along the lines of It 's The Thought That Counts : Anyway . I think this changes my mind about ever wanting a CrossBlue . But , you know , there is something I find remarkable about this whole debacle ( beyond the fact that it happened in the first place ) : the fact that Volkswagen has been relatively forthcoming . I mean , how many times does a company actually admit guilt and say that they are sorry ? Recently , the Huffington Post has been running exposés on companies who have done some pretty crappy things to consumers with their toxic chemicals . ( Interesting series , if , like me , you often feel that regular news articles are a little shallow . ) There was Dupont 's Teflon which resulted in cancer and birth defects and deaths and extensive pollution . Johnson and Johnson 's Risperdal causing children to grow breasts . And the difference here is that neither of these companies have remotely stepped forward the way that Volkswagen has . It 's been a much larger , longer game of obscuring the facts and running the clock with these other guys . We use Amazon Prime . We started using it when Trixie was a baby . Spending lots of time in the car running errands with three kids was horrible . It was just so much easier to buy on Amazon . We signed up for Prime , because our frequency of ordering made the free two - day shipping was worth it to us . I confess , we 've become a little addicted . It 's so easy to get just exactly what we want , and not more and not less . ( Unless you count the excessive number of cardboard boxes around the house . ) For two - ish years , Amazon Prime deliveries were done by UPS . But in the last two months , it appears that UPS has been booted and replaced by USPS . At least , that seems to be the case here in Denver . I 'm hard pressed to find anything in the news about this switch - or at least anything that correlates date - wise with my experience . Even if I wasn 't an Amazon Prime user , I would notice just the based on the sudden absence of UPS trucks driving around my block . I suspect I 'm not the only Amazon Prime user in my neighborhood . Now . . . I 'm happy to see that USPS has more business . I don 't have anything against our national postal service . Except they 're not as reliable as UPS . My two day packages are not arriving in two days . That 's irritating , especially since Amazon Prime has raised their rates since I became a member . I mean : THANK GOODNESS ! Huge relief . The youngest is actually almost adept enough at the balance bike that I might soon be able to run while she bikes . Isn 't that fabulous ? ? I thought I was going to do that with Noah , but then I got pregnant with Mattias and then Trixie came along . And , well , you know . Some plans are get suspended with babies and little kids . ( As they probably should be ! ) But guess what ? My life is now a little bit like I - have - only - one - child ( with her brothers in school all day ) . MARVELOUS ! And well earned , I 'd say . Here 's Trixie painting some Caran d ' Ache . Do you know these ? They are water - soluble crayons . You can probably buy a cheaper version for the bathtub made by Crayola and then use them on paper like Caran d ' Ache . They 're fun ! Although . . . Noah never thought they were much fun , when he was my ( true ) only child ; he had about a 5 second attention span for such things . Unless arts and crafts involved painting on rocks or something . One day after school , Noah painted these rocks with watercolors . That 's about as artsy as he gets with a paint brush ; it lasted for all of about 3 minutes . Using rocks to build , however , is a different story . In this , he can be both creative and persistent . One morning before school , Noah and Mattias flipped a doormat upside down , lined it with rocks , turned on the hose , added some lego " canoes " and made these rapids on the deck steps . Everyone got very messy and muddy and wet and had to be dragged away to change clothes before school . I recently inherited a few pieces of furniture from my grandmother 's estate . Sometime in the 1960s , she had begun to collect old pieces of furniture and refinish them . She was generally not so particular about the style . She just wanted things that spoke to her ; things that were old enough to call Antiques . I remember occasionally shopping in antique stores with her as a child . She never bought anything . I thought it was odd . We 'd circle the store again and again . She point out things she liked and clasp her hand over her heart or tsk and frown . It was only as an adult that I learned she never bought her Antiques at antique stores . She only visited antique stores for inspiration . Instead she would buy at estate sales and auctions . She found them deeply depressing and maybe even shameful . She never took me to an estate sale or an auction . " A person 's whole life , just sitting there on front lawn ! " she once told me in exasperation . And yet , in these lawns , she would find a small , neglected , beat up table or a chair . Reasonably priced . She would see something she liked in it . She 'd bring it home , refinish it , and add it to her Antiques . After she passed away , there was never the slightest consideration that her own household would become an estate sale or auction . Instead , my aunt , uncle , and father carefully divided everything among her descendants . When my father asked me what I would like , it felt wrong to ask for anything . Antiques have never really been my thing . They don 't really " match " whatever style I think I have . * I knew how important they were to her . But were they important to me ? Was being important to her enough to ask for something ? I never really thought much about the specifics of her refinishing process , other than to recognize it was long and painstaking . I know she frequently asked my grandfather or my great uncle to help her recut bits that were broken or damaged . I know that her primary objective was to make the wood beautiful again . Beyond that , I don 't really know exactly what she did to the wood , but she did have a gift for making it beautiful . It was like she had rubbed her soul all over the wood . Then my kids rubbed their dirt and grime and toys souls all over the wood . And the deal was sealed . Even with her soul - rubbed wood furniture gracing my house , there 's still sadness in the thought that I never learned from her the specifics of the refinishing that she knew so well . Practically , I find myself wishing she was still around so I could get some advice on my three - year - neglected chair project . It almost feels like I might be able to pick up where I left off now that 2 out of 3 kids are in school all day . But I also realize that my dining room chairs won 't be " refinished " by me alone , so best to just dive in and not spend too much time overthinking it . In Germany , it was the church bells - the proliferation of church bells at noon ! - that told us we were in an urban area . This summer , on vacation in Germany , my kids were startled by the ringing almost everyday . " What 's that ! ? " they 'd ask with alarm as the bells tolled noon . In Colorado , the light rail is expanding . The transit authority has been testing new rails near our house . They need to complete a large number of testing hours ( 1000 ? ) before the tracks are deemed safe for people transport . The test trains ding - ding - ding ! as they approach the stop . That sounds like an urban noise , too . I hope it stays . I took this free Briggs Myer type assessment a few months ago after I saw it referenced on Design Mom . I can 't really stop thinking about it since I took it . I feel that it illuminated - in glow - y screen font - some aspects of my personality that I have really buried deep to get through the last 3 years . ( Or maybe I 'm just in my cycle of career - obsessed - thinking . ) If you believe the online test then I 'm an INTJ , aka " The Mastermind / Visionary " . What I take away from the test and its analysis , is that careers are pretty important to INTJ . And my career is nonexistent . ( I 've pasted my test - analysis in all its glorious detail below . ) It also claims I take my role as a parent and a significant other quite seriously . If that 's accurate , it 's probably the reason why I 've been able to set aside my own career ambitions for the last 8 years . But man , do I feel tension ! From the outside , it might look like : what 's the tension ? She 's an SAHM ! There is no tension ! She gets to do one thing , all the time ! Even as I 've become more and more convinced that I did the right thing for my family over the last few years , it 's become more and more difficult to continue to have much enthusiasm for the daily grind . ( Maybe that 's a reflection of the part about INTJs being " adaptable , and are easily bored by repetition and routine . " ) My mind is just elsewhere . It 's been elsewhere for longer than I care to admit . I 'm not saying this so that anyone apologizes or feels bad for me . I 'm saying it because I think sometimes I look at people from the outside and everything appears peachy - keen and consequently , I hold myself to impossible standards of always being perfectly fulfilled and optimistic and happy by exactly the way things are . I think that the minute I 'm not feeling picture - perfect I should change . At points in my life , I 've been addicted to the adrenaline rush of change instead of committed to seeing an uncomfortable situation through . In the long run , I 'm not convinced that changes always make things better ; sometimes , they just introduce a different set of problems from the ones I already have . I generally still subscribe to the theory that there IS time for everything , just not AT the same time . I think some periods of my life will be more about other people , and some will be about me . I feel that to do my best as mother of young children , I need to really BE with my children . I think dividing my energy between young children and a career would be more frustrating for me than choosing to focus on just one . Fritz and I have always been committed to idea that one parent would be working and one would be at home with children . The very first time we had that conversation , years before Noah was born , I was making more money than he was ; he was a relatively unhappy postdoc . It wasn 't clear to either of us who would be at home . But sometimes , I wonder if it wouldn 't have been easier if the tables were flipped . What I do hope , very much , is that someday the tables can be flipped . I don 't know if that 's really possible . I do know that Fritz 's job in academia has a very specific trajectory , and if he can get tenure , the pressure might allow some realignment of responsibilities . And there 's always the fact that the kids just keep getting older and more independent . I DO have some figuring out to do about me , however . I grow more leary of returning to architecture each day . I still love a lot about architecture , but the prospect of doing it on someone else 's terms , after spending the last 8 years dedicated to doing what is best for Fritz and the kids . . . well , not so interesting . The visionary , work - obsessed side of me ( revealed by the test ) does exist . It 's hard to imagine sitting in front of a computer drafting as the right kind of change . I can see myself working independently , choosing which clients I want to work with or dabbling in architecture , except : you can 't really be that kind of architect without a lot of independent wealth or fame . The pragmatist in me thinks I will eventually walk away from architecture ; it 's just a matter of when I finally get sick of coughing up the money to renew my license every year . As a side note , there 's actually a personality type dubbed " The Architect " ( INTP ) , but I 'm not it . After scrounging around on the internet , I found a few other similar tests that were willing to consider I might be " The Inspector / Logistician " ( ISTJ ) , " The Protector / Nuturer " ( ISFJ ) , or " The Counselor / Advocate " ( INFJ ) . But I am not The Architect . The idea that my results are somewhat ambiguous was a bit of relief . Maybe we can push our personalities a bit based on where we are and who we need to be at any particular point in our lives . So , anyway , for now , I 'll push a bit more in the direction go INFJ or ISFJ , because they both seem much better suited to stay - at - home - parenthood . The other day , I sold some wallpaper samples from my flailing Etsy store . Because I didn 't have an envelope for the samples , I folded the the samples into some wallpaper and made my own wallpaper envelope . All of which reminded me of Bookswapper . de . Today there are digital books and Kindles and iPhones , but way back when ( TEN years ago , that would be , when I lived in Germany ) , these options were a lot less common and finding English language books in Germany , especially recently published books , was challenging . However there was Bookswapper . de . You could list your English language books and then swap them for other English language books . The system worked such that each time you sent a book to someone via German Post , you got a point in the Bookswapper system which you could then use to request a book from someone else . The book 's first owner paid the price of mailing the book to the second owner . It was a relatively small cost because you could send everything media mail . Also , the cost came back when you requested a book and someone else paid . The whole system worked really beautifully . ( And it didn 't hurt that we lived across the street from a post office . ) It was always such a cool thing to receive something free in the mail . It was cool to send a book away , as well . I never resented it . I always enjoyed wrapping the book in some old wallpaper , in the coolest package I could make , hoping that the recipient would enjoy both the book and the packaging . It was such a small thing , and yet it gave me such pleasure to be part of this tangible community . Sometimes , I still miss it , even though I now have access to all the English language books my heart could desire . Remember two and a half years ago , when I decided to make a lego table ? And then it took me another year to acquire a flat file for the project ? Well , I finally decided that I 'm finished with the lego table . It turned out to be a lot simpler than I imagined . But it works like I hoped ! So , I 'm calling it good and done . It 's basically lockable casters on the bottom of a flat file . ( Wheels / casters here . ) Flat files are large , shallow drawers that were traditionally used for sets of architecture and engineering drawings . These days , many drawings are being stored digitally . Firms have cut back on the number of flat files they have . You can frequently find flat files for sale on Craigslist . ( Wood flat files are less common than metal flat files ; which is why it took a while for me to find these . ) Flat file drawers are perfect for holding legos because of how shallow they are . None of the pieces get buried like they would in deep drawers or bins . I had planned to make the top a rimmed table top . The rim was going to be on 3 sides of the table top . I thought the rim would " hold " the legos on the top , but still allow the kids to sweep the legos into the drawers when they were done playing . I did have to make some reinforcements . Originally , there was some type of cheap masonite on the backside . The kids would slam the drawers closed . Eventually , they broke the drawers ( you can see the missing corners on the drawers in the first image above ) and pushed off the masonite board . Then it sort of looked like this from the backside : Oh ! And ! Fritz had an old bookshelf that fit CDs and old VHS tapes . But all of our CDs have been transferred to digital files ; VHS we no longer watch . So I removed the back of the bookshelf and hung it on the wall to store lego creations in progress . It might look a little funny ; an acceptable trade off for fast and free : I can hear them outside through the open window upstairs . I specifically decide to ignore them , and they play for almost 2 hours . They sound happy . And I fear that if I look too closely , I 'll want to end their play . Sometimes , I think this is the most important lesson I 'm learning in my years as a parent : if it 's not broke , don 't fix it . I love to fix things ! I love to tinker and repair and improve ! I love to think about doing it ; and I love to be surrounded in a project , up to my elbows , involved , changing and fixing . Until the line between tinkering and tampering dissolves . At least , it dissolves with children . This I am learning : stop fixing . Let them go , let them do their own thing . They 'll be occupied for a long time without your interference . It 's hard . They 've dug a hole in the mulch . They 've pulled back the weed barrier beneath . They dug a hole in the dirt beneath the barrier . This is not the stuff of Pinterest . It 's destructive , I tell myself . I should stop them . No , it 's repairable , I tell myself , I should let them play in the mud , like children should do in the summer . Stop being so sanitized . Let them be the ones who are involved . What makes it easier than a few years ago is that I can give the hose to Noah and tell him to clean everything off . And he mostly will ( including a few open windows and the glass sliding door ) . Meanwhile , I shower off the younger ones indoors . But it will still be challenging to clean everyone while keeping them from making a bigger mess . I wish I had somebody to help me . I wish that somebody could read a book with them so that I could REALLY clean up all the mess they made . Just 20 minutes . If someone could just help me for 20 minutes afterwards , it would be so much easier ( physically and psychologically ! ) to let them go crazy in the mud . I don 't know . I waver . I waver between wanting to let them be creative , and just wanting things to be more orderly . Somedays , I wonder how much our environment , weed barrier and all , stifles us . Stifles me ? Stifles the kids ? And somedays , I wonder if what really stifles me is the lack of time and help - just 20 minutes ! - so that I can adequately spray the dumb dirt clods off the side of the playhouse and scrub dirt from beneath their fingernails without a new round of mud play beginning while my attention is diverted . Our recently planted African Dogtooth Grass seemed to like this abnormal rainy season very much . The grass grew like crazy . The grass street lawn , in the area I previously called the " hellstrip , " looks pretty good . Relatively speaking . Two or three times this summer I went through and haphazardly pulled out a couple of thistles ( if I had gloves ) and tallish weeds . I don 't care about dandelions or clover . They get to stay in this lawn . I 've put corn gluten , a totally organic , but expensive fertilizer and germination stopper on it about every six months . I have the feeling it 's not stopping much germination , so not sure if I 'll continue using it . The original Kentucky Bluegrass sod , rolled out by the builder - which my aunt was so sure was completely hopeless - didn 't thoroughly die even though we gave it 3 rounds of toxic chemical treatment before planting the Dogtooth plugs . Some of the old Bluegrass is still mixed in . I don 't mind the Bluegrass either . We 're still mowing the street lawn about every 2 weeks , because of the mixed - in Bluegrass . The Dogtooth grass doesn 't seem to mind being mowed , but it doesn 't really need to be mowed . It doesn 't get very tall . The Dogtooth grass does , however , like to creep over the edges of the sidewalk . Mostly , I want the lawn to be greenish . Not brown . With fewer - or no - chemicals . Let 's remember what it looked like at its low point , shall we ? I 'm feeling frustrated . As I begin typing this , Trixie has spent 40 minutes refusing to nap . Her brothers were so loud and out of control while she was trying to fall asleep , that I 'm pretty sure THEY are in large part responsible . This morning , we left the breakfast dishes on the table and got out the bikes , properly inflated 8 tires , got dressed , covered everyone with sunscreen , packed water and snack , and were out the door for a 2 mile bike ride by 8 : 30am . Phew ! Felt like some real effort to coordinate all that and manage some whiny / fighting / crying behaviors . We biked to a playground and adjacent stream drainage ditch . The kids played for a little over an hour . When it started getting hot , we biked the 2 miles back home . We returned about 10 : 30 . Sometimes I have the distinct impression that the more active their activity , the more active they generally ARE . Whenever someone mentions " tiring kids out , " I really wonder . There are basically two options : 1 ) I didn 't really tire them out enough or 2 ) " tiring out kids " doesn 't really work . If I believe 1 ) , then I failed today after what seemed like quite a bit of effort and wrangling . If 2 ) is true , then giving my kids more to do just makes them more demanding ; so why bother with all the extra effort ? |
The fun thing about this year is our running friend Mary , lives on the course . Not only that . her house is at the very end of mile eight . She offered to have us all meet at her house , leave the husbands and the kids with tons of food and beer , while the ladies ran . Perfect ! Meeting at Mary 's was easy . We had to get there a little early because they close the roads . Once everyone was there , we walked to the Pier Middle School and to the start line . We had a great group . Me , Beth , Elaine , Mary , Linda and a couple new people including our friend Agnes . I have known Agnes a couple years now . Her son is the same age as George . When she got there , she told us she had been running but never as far as ten miles and on top of that , this was her first race ! For some reason , that got me excited . Once we got to the school , I finally got to meet Monica of Insert Witty Running Pun Here , a fellow runner , blogger and RI ' er . She was super cute and had on some really fun glasses . Monica in the cute glasses , me and Beth in the cutest outfit . It was crowded and hard to stay together . Elaine , I lost right away . Everyone else was close by . It wasn 't until we were in mile two that it started to loosen up . Agnes and I were together . Beth , Monica , Mary and Linda were a little ahead of us . I was happy where I was and didn 't go out too fast . Agnes was right with me . We started to talk a bit and it was clear that we were not going to catch everyone else . I was just happy not to be alone . As we were approaching the first water stop , I told her I would walk through it . She liked that idea . I knew I wasn 't going to leave her . I will never forget my first race . I had my friends with me and they never left my side . That was a big deal to me and that was a 5k . I was not leaving a first timer for 10 miles ! I took her lead . If she slowed down or pick up her pace , then that is what I did . I told her a little about the course and what was coming up . When we hit St . Mary 's Church , I grabbed a bag of ice . The people handing out ice are there every year . This race is usually very hot and the ice is a treat . This year it was much cooler but I took the ice anyway . I held it on my head , my face , my chest and kept it for a mile . It was very refreshing . Thank you ice suppliers ! When we hit mile five , Agnes said she needed to walk . I was fine with this and happy that she spoke up and didn 't push herself until she was hurt . This was also the part of the race that is my least favorite , rt 108 . Crowd support it good on this part and that is what helps you get through it . Once we are off 108 we hit a nice road that is all trees . I loved this part , it was pretty and peaceful . We chatted a good bit here and I loved getting to know Agnes better . The tree road dropped us off into Ocean Road again and then back up past the start line . Agnes lives in this town and knew where we were , but when I told her that the school was up ahead and then Mary 's street to the right , you could tell she was happy and surprised . She was gonna make it ! The Blessing parties on Pier Road were still going strong and it was nice to see people still out cheering us on . Once we passed the school there was a nice hill that we had to tackle . We walked some but the top of that hill was Mary 's street and my family was there waiting for us . I was so excited when I saw my kids and Mr . RWM . Gracie had a cowbell and George had a Run Strong , Think Big sign . I loved that they were cheering everyone on and not just us . Love this pic of George and I ! I got to Gracie first and gave her a big hug , then George who had the biggest smile . I gave Mr . RWM a kiss and high - fived the rest of the hubbies . Then , we were off again . Just up ahead the sign that we all were waiting for . One Mile to the Beer Tent . I said , " You got this Agnes , we are almost there ! " We ran / walked the beginning of this mile . You could tell Agnes was tired but determined . With about a half mile to go , she asked me if I wanted to sprint to the finish ? Of course I do . We took off . I have to tell you , for ten miles I felt great ! I was running strong and smiling . I heard my name and saw my neighbors who cheered me on . That is always so cool . I was running pretty fast and Agnes wasn 't next to me . I looked back and slowed up a bit . She yelled go to me and I did . I crossed the finish line in 1 : 53 : 55 . I turned around to see Agnes cross in 1 : 54 : 07 . This was not a PR for me but it was a course PR which is still kind of cool . From that moment on , it was chaos . The crowd was nuts . We should of just met up and headed back to Mary 's where there was free beer and food not to mention our dry , warm clothes . Beth and Monica were at Trio and we were in the stupid beer tent . I was without my phone which I will never run without again when I am with such a large group . We all eventually ended walking back to Mary 's but not all together . It was dark and we were cold . When we were close , I realized the roads were open and there was very little traffic . Why were we walking an extra mile when there are people who could of picked us up ! Lesson learned and next year we will plan better . We hung out at Mary 's for a while . Warmed up and ate . The kids were having such a good time I hated to break it up but I had hit my wall and needed a shower and sleep . It was wonderful for Mary and her hubs to open their home to us and we all thank them very much ! She did say we should make this an annual event and I think that is a great idea ! Here we are , Friday , the day of The Blessing . On Monday , I had a nice three mile run . It was a little later in the day but only 79 degrees . I had very limited time and ran at a nice clip in the last mile . I actually had negative splits ! I finished in 34 minutes and felt pretty good after . From there we headed to the Narragansett Youth Track Series . We love this event every year and the night was perfect for it . My kids did all but the last race and smiled the whole time . This week they got medals instead of ribbons and Gracie wore hers all day on Tuesday . Love it ! Wednesday was my gym day . Five miles on the hamster wheel . Usually this would be difficult for me . Long and boring . However , it really was a good run . In fact , I didn 't stop at 5 . I kept going until the machine read 60 minutes and turned off . I left the gym that day , knowing that I was ready for the Blessing . I have trained hard , at night , and in the heat and I am confident that I did it all right . Now as far as goals go , I don 't really have one . I want to run smart and finish . I want to enjoy the crowds and my friends . In April , if you remember , I ran the Newport 10 Miler . Fantastic race , and I had a 13 minute PR . I think it would be difficult for me to top that in just a couple months , so just run it and have a good time it is ! The really fun part is Mary , who is running with us , lives on the course . We are all meeting at her house and the husbands and kids are going to have a Blessing Party . She is at the beginning of mile 9 and I can 't wait to see them as I run by ! This will be the perfect motivation to get me to the finish . Well , that and the beer tent ! I have a little PF that has been under control for quite some time . On Wednesday , however , I spent most of the day bare foot on the beach . That aggravated it . I have been rolling , stretching , and icing and feel pretty good today . I think I will run without any problems . Keep your fingers crossed for me . First , Running Bloggers posted the top 100 running blogs of 2013 . Guess who was number 35 ? I had a few people nominate me and I thank all of you , especially Connie , who they quoted in the list . You all rock ! And second , 30 Something Mother Runner is doing a Friday post on favorite races . Today , mine is up . I really had to think about my favorite because we have so many great races here in RI , but when it really came down to it , The Ocean 's Run is what I went with . My first training run was three miles that I ran outside . I went out a little later than I wanted to and it took me three minutes longer than I had hoped but I felt good the whole time . I did come home knowing that 10 am runs were not longer an option as it is way too hot for that . Tuesday was run number two . I dropped George off at Basketball camp but had no one to stay with Gracie while I ran . I did not have the motivation to push a 5 year old in the stroller or the patience to listen to her complain about the heat . I am not so sure she would of complained , but I wasn 't taking a chance . I headed to the gym . I love my gym but I have not been there since April because I prefer to run outside . They have a great playroom for the kids and Gracie was excited to be going . Training called for three miles . Normally , running on the treadmill is boring . You all know what I mean . However , this was a fantastic run . It was so nice to be in the A / C and I was running at what I consider , my normal pace . I felt great . My spirits were lifted with such a good run . I left there knowing that I will hit the gym for a run at least once a week during the summer . The speed work will be good for me . Thursday , I met Beth , Elaine , Mary and Linda again for our last long run before the Blessing , 9 miles . We met at 6 : 30 and Elaine was going to be about 10 minutes late . She told us to go without her and she would catch up . I am so inspired by my speedy friends . We took off and fell into conversation about our week . It was warm and the streets and beach seemed more crowded then the week before . I do live in a vacation spot , so . . . Right before we hit two miles , I looked back and saw Elaine . It didn 't take her long to catch up and then the 5 of us went on our way . Because it was hot and we were running long , I had arranged for Mr . RWM and kids to meet us with water and gatorade . We passed them at 4 miles but thought it would be easier to go the 4 1 / 2 and then turn around . To my kids disappointment , that is what we did . We made it to where they were parked at exactly five miles . It was such a treat to see them and just wonderful to have the gatorade and fill up our water bottles . Wish I could have that kind of service for every long run . After that quick water stop , we started to break up a little . Elaine and Beth in the lead and Mary , Linda and I just a bit behind them . That only lasted a mile and then I was behind Mary and Linda . My hamstrings and calves were really tight and I stopped and stretched but it wasn 't enough . I still ran but at a much slower pace then the rest of the gang . I kept Mary and Linda in my sight but there was no way I was catching them . I was fine until I realized I did not have my phone and the road started to curve and I psyched myself out that I would be lost , hurt or worse and no one would find me . This was just my head playing silly tricks on me but boy did I pick up my speed until I was able to see Mary and Linda again . LOL Once we were back at the beach , I didn 't worry so much about being alone . Tons of people were out and I knew I would be fine . When I approached our meeting spot , the girls had beach towels out and were stretching and chatting . I loved seeing this and was in desperate need to stretch my hamstrings and calves . I was a little afraid that I would need help getting up once I was on the ground , but I was pleasantly surprised that I got up just fine . From there we headed to the Coast Guard House for our after run beer , chips and salsa ! Sitting there , talking to my friends I couldn 't help but be thankful for every blessing I have in my life . My family , my friends , running , and our health . I am so looking forward to seeing these ladies on Friday for the race we have trained so hard for . If nothing else , it should prove to be a super fun time ! The last training run of the week was a 3 miler . This I did Sunday evening . George has been asking to run with me for a couple days now and I thought this was a good time . I assumed he would stop somewhere between 1 and 2 miles . He did not . He walked a little more than I would of liked but he stayed with me the whole three miles . The next race he is registered for is September and I have no doubt he will do well . George can be stubborn and moody and hard to talk to . Every time I run with him though , he has real conversations with me . Sometimes the conversation is silly and sometimes it 's serious but they are real and I will treasure every one . In other news , we finally got our fourth and last door installed . Our home renovations have been a slow and unsteady process but we are getting there . And lastly , since I was preregistered for The Blessing , I was able to pick up my shirt and number a week early . Do you worry about your numbers ? I don 't really . I tend to just go with the flow but some numbers are cooler than others . This one , 1072 , is a good one . 72 , the year I was born , 10 , my favorite month , my sons birth month , and how many miles we will be running . What does it all mean ? Nothing , but I would love to hear your thoughts . I have been a bad blogger . No post since July 4th ! From the beginning , I have always said that I would only write if I had something to say . I have stayed pretty true to that but the problem with this last week is that I did have stuff to say , yet , I did not take the time to write about . Now , just to fill you in , I have my in - laws here . They have been staying with us for the last two weeks and they leave tomorrow . We only see them a couple times a year and I love when they visit . I have not been on the computer as much as I usually am . Honestly , this is not a bad thing . The other side is it is summer . Both kids home ALL THE TIME ! Ok , it 's really not that bad , but you know what I mean . So I guess this will be quick catch you up kind of post . You all read how horrible my last race was . In fact , the runs prior to that were all stinky . Finally , on July 7th , that all changed . I headed out for a run , no set time , just wanted to make it good . From the moment my feet stepped outside , I was in runners heaven . I felt good , my pace was good , and I was smiling . When I finished , I cried out of pure joy . I can 't say for sure what changed but I can say that I am happier than ever and I have been looking forward to every run since then . My next run after that was Thursday . I usually run with Beth on Thursday at 6 with the Narragansett Running Association . This week , Elaine called to say that she was meeting some friends at 6 : 30 and would Beth and I like to join them . Well , of course we would ! Eight miles were on the schedule for this run . The five of us are all running The Blessing 10 Miler in two weeks . We stayed together for the first 4 miles . Some of us were meeting for the first time , and it was really nice getting to know each other . I swear , when you run with someone , you are instantly friends . Once we got into mile five , our paces changed a bit and we broke up into a 3 and a 2 group . The difference in the finish times were about three minutes . ( On a side note , my Garmin is being goofy and it beeped at me for the last two miles of this run . It locked up and no matter what button on combination of buttons that I pushed , it would not change from the screen it was on . So frustrating ! ) Since I ran my long run on Thursday , my Saturday run was just three miles . I know I shouldn 't say " just " . Anyway , another awesome run ! It was hot and humid , but aren 't all our runs this time of year ? We are exactly 18 weeks away from the Philadelphia Marathon and my first day of training will be tomorrow ! I can hardly believe it ! The first run calls for three miles and I will knock that out in the morning . Because I have The Blessing coming up , my long runs for the next couple of weeks will be longer than the plan calls for . I don 't think that should hurt me since I have been running consistently this year . What do you think ? Ok , so my plan for blogging is to keep you as updated as best I can . I will have at least one post a week but I guessing it will be way more than that . I tend to write more when I am in training . That 's not a bad thing , right ? Hope you all had a fantastic weekend . I know a few of you are also training for a fall marathon . Did you start your training yet ? How is it going ? Let me go back a bit . Last nights dinner put me into salt overload . And on top of that , Mr . RWM and I shared a Volcano at the Chinese restaurant . Not my best choice . I did not sleep well , but that is not too unusual before a race . Looks good right ? Who could resist and yes , that is fire ! So fun ! I was pre - registered so I just had to pick up my number and shirt . I ran my shirt back to the car and then straight to the nearest port - a - potty . Not a good sign . Before the race , there was a kids fun run and that is always very cute to watch . Then it was time to line up . Beth and I stayed together . We usually run on Thursday night anyway , so this was good . The sun was not out , yet , but it was HOT ! We chatted and I also had another friend come up along side us to say hello . It is always so nice to see people you know . I walked through the water stop and then we ran again . In the turn around my stomach started to rumble and I was really feeling the heat . Don 't think that was a good combination . Right around the start of mile 3 , I told Beth to go on without me . I needed to slow down . Honestly , I started casing bushes just in case . . . Luckily , I didn 't need one . Slowing down helped a lot . I was running again and I had Beth in my sights but I was pretty sure I couldn 't catch her . I got mad . I may have yelled in frustration . It also may have been in my head . I can 't say for sure but it was here that an older gentleman came up along side of me . When I say older , I mean 75 . He said hello and mentioned how tough the course was and the heat . I couldn 't help but agree . He asked why I started running and I told him a little about myself . I told him about my marathon and training coming up and that I have only been running for two years . He on the other hand , has been running a long time and has run almost 900 races ! His name was Wayne and he came up to me in the moment when I needed someone the most . Thanks Wayne ! Wayne knew one of the volunteers and stopped to talk with them . I keep on going . I knew any chance of even coming close to my PR , 43 : 01 , was gone . I decided to just go with the flow and do what felt right . I chatted with a women for a minute who was also struggling . I wished her luck and moved on . In front of me at this point , was a girl in a yellow shirt and she also was having a hard time . I ran up next to her and said hello and told her to hang on , you can do it . I needed to hear it to . I turned right and a volunteer told me less than half a mile . Yes ! The girl in yellow was behind me and I heard her say it was her first race . She picked a doozie ! I remember hating this last half mile last year and this year proved no different . I sped up a bit because I just wanted to be done ! However , I thought about the girl behind me and I turned back to see her walking . I stopped and yelled to her , " Come on , let 's run in together ! ' I knew the finish was the next turn but she didn 't . She caught up and we went . When she saw the finish , she took off and I loved watching her cross her first finish line . After she was gone , I saw Beth who was cheering me on and then I saw Mr . RWM . I thought he might be there but there was on definite plan so I was so psyched to see him ! Elaine was closer to the finish cheering me on , and I was just so happy to be done . 46 : 14 is my official time . So yeah , not my best race . It was hot , full of hills , stomach issues for a short time , and my head was just not there . I was bummed that I had told Beth to go on without me , but happy that I spoke with Wayne and New Runner Girl which may or may not of happened if I stayed with Beth . I truly believe that things happen for a reason and I was meant to talk with the people I did yesterday . We got water and fruit and waited for the official times to be posted . New Runner Girl found me and thanked me for getting her to the finish . I told her this is a tough race and the next one she chooses won 't be so bad , most likely . I also told her that she did a great job ! I hope she continues to run . Beth , Elaine and I headed out for a lovely breakfast . And yes , I love this part . Hanging with my friends and talking and laughing . The bad run vanished into a happy memory of running with friends . I finished and did more than I ever did two years ago . That is what really matters . It 's all good . I hope you had a great 4th ! Remember , if you are running and dressing in Red , While and Blue to post you picture to my FB page . The pic with the most likes will win a Believe Shubeez . The winner will be announce on Monday . We spent the rest of the day with friends and finished it off with fireworks . If you are running in a July 4th race tomorrow or this weekend and will be dressed in Red , White and Blue , post your pic on my FB page . The picture with the most likes will win a Believe Shubeez . Simple , post your pic , and then share it with your friends and family so that they can like it ! Monday , I will count up the likes and announce the winner . Good luck and have fun ! I can 't wait to see your pictures . I will post mine also . You can like my pic but I will not be a winner , LOL , of course ! I sat at the table with a large mug of Joe and checked my email . In there was the latest blog post from Living the Sweat Life . I have followed this blog for a long time now . Not exactly sure how long , but I have only been running two years so it is almost that long . I love it . Today is Rachelle 's 38th birthday and she is hosting a virtual race . This is a really great one . First , because it 's free and second because there are some great prizes . And , who doesn 't love to celebrate birthdays ! You can check out all the details here , but quickly , you need to run 3 . 8 miles and enter through Rafflecopter . You have until July 15th to get it done . You are running anyway , right ? This was the motivation that I needed . I finished up my coffee , ate a little something , got dressed and downloaded the latest podcast form Another Mother Runner . It was Dimity telling us all about her Ironman from last weekend . Wow , you need to listen to it ! I headed out much later than I would of if I planned correctly and it was hotter than I would of liked . I ran easy on my usual route and enjoyed every step . I was dripping when I was done but happy . So speaking of running for two years , this month is my runiversary . I ran for the first time in July 2011 but I am not sure of the exact date . I can 't think of a better way to celebrate than by kicking off marathon training . Who knew I would be here ? I certainly didn 't ! On Thursday , I am running in the Camire 's Firecracker 4 Miler . I ran this race last year . It is not the easiest course but it is a nice , local race . Last year , I finished in 43 : 01 which is a really good time for me . I am very doubtful that I can beat that right now , but you never know . Are any of you running on July 4th ? Are you dressing up in Red , White and Blue ? Post a pic on my FB page if you would like to share your patriotic outfit . Let me know if you run for Rachelle 's Birthday also ! Oh , and if you like to read and learn more about Ironman , then you should check out Swim , Bike , Mom 's recap . She did the same race as Dimity . At the end of her post , I had tears in my eyes . Just amazing . The family and I went camping last week . Not in a tent , which I am sure some of you might say is not " real " camping . It was real enough to me . Packing for camping is crazy . I was a bit overwhelmed by all the stuff we had to bring . Towels , sheets , food , condiments , booze . Stuff we wouldn 't normally pack for a stay at a hotel . We pulled George out of school a little early on his last day as we had a four hour drive ahead of us . The plan was to pack up the truck , pick him up and get on the road . However , while putting the bikes on the rack , Mr . RWM threw his back out and ended up on the floor in the garage . I honestly thought our trip was over . He is , thank God , Ok and an hour past our original leaving time , we were on the road . Our camper was a bit bigger than I thought it would be . Mr . RWM and I had our own room with a queen size bed and the kids room was the opposite side of the camper with bunk beds . There was a small bathroom , kitchen and sitting area . Bonus , there was A / C . Our friends , Ozzie and Harriet , that we were doing this adventure with and more experienced campers , arrived the day before . We unloaded our truck and walked down to their camper . Dinner was already cooking and they literally , handed us a drink as we were saying hello . Best friends ever ! The first night was good . Cooler than I thought it would be but sitting around the fire was awesome . The kids rode their bikes through all the mud puddles and George thought that was the best thing ever . We also had a ton of glow sticks left over form the Glow Bash and the kids were thrilled to decorate their bikes and ride around . I also learned that if you put glow sticks in the freezer , they last longer . Who knew ? Ozzie and I had planned to run the next morning . Well , we slept in a bit longer than expected and when we woke up , Ozzie and Harriet had a nice breakfast waiting for us . I was ready to run though . We decided on a four mile run and soon after breakfast , we were off . It was a humid but no sun which helped . Ozzie had run 12 miles the day before , so this was a nice easy run for us . In mile two , The Conway Scenic Railroad Dinning Train passed us and I waved to all the people riding by . I got lots of waves and smiles which made me smile too . We showered , had lunch and then headed to Diana 's Bath . Not my video but it is better than me trying to explain it to you . It 's on You Tube so it 's legal to use right ? It would of been awesome if it was warm , but it was a little cold which didn 't bother the kids . No worries , they had a great time and they were why we were there . Later , another nice dinner , more drinks , family bike ride , and sitting around the fire . Thursday , I biked 4 miles and then we headed to Story Land . The kids had a blast and it was a nice day . No rain and very little sun . It was not too hot to walk around . Friday , we packed up , went out to breakfast and headed home . All in all it was a nice time . The bugs were a little killer even with the bug spray and the rain put a little damper on things . I would probably do it again but I am in no hurry . My shower when I got home was the best shower ever and we were all happy to be in our own beds Friday night . Now , on to training for the Philadelphia Marathon . For me , picking a plan was very time consuming and confusing . It reminded me of putting my birth plan together , which was shot to hell when my 9 pound George flipped into the sitting position one week before my due date . That is another story all together . I have decided to go with Hal Higdon 's Novice 1 . I really thought I was going with Run Less , Run Faster but after a final look at all my notes and books last night I changed my mind . RLRF is a pretty serious plan which I am sure would work for me , but I wouldn 't use it as it is directed and I don 't want to mess with what is written too much . Hal has worked well for me in the past and even though it is 4 days running instead of 3 , I think I will be ok . If my back acts up , I will bike or just take an extra day off . I am not worried , this is going to work for me I have no doubt . It is an 18 week training plan and will start on July 14 . A couple more weeks and I will be ready to go ! I am excited and terrified at that the same time , but I have no doubt that this is my time and I am looking forward to ever step . Have you stressed over training plans ? Do you have a favorite ? Any exciting Summer plans ? Run Strong , Think Big ! ~ Nicole |
I always thought Mia Thermopolis was crazy . Who wouldn 't want to wake up one day and find out they 're a princess ? The girl got a full blown makeover for free , a millions beautiful ball gowns , a tiara she got to wear occasionally , and full service at her disposal . Granted , if you 're introverted like Mia , all of that attention can make you feel like you have a thousand tiny ants crawling all over your body . You 're uncomfortable nearly all the time . You might even feel guilty . And I am exactly like that . Something Colleen said to me last week struck a chord with me and I can 't shake it off . After I told her the complete switch in enthusiasm from Navy Man when I told him I wanted to be casual and friendly , she said , " You shouldn 't have said anything . You should have just let him treat you like the princess you are . " I thought about this for the past few days . I can 't be the only girl out there who feels uncomfortable using a guy to feel special , only to know that I 'm not actually interested in him . I 'm shocked that girls actually do this . They let these guys take them out to fancy restaurants , buy them presents , and then whisper to their girlfriends that they don 't really like him , they 're just waiting out the storm . I feel weird if a guy even pays for me all the time . I just don 't think it 's necessary . I 'm the type that if a man brings me to a fancy restaurant , I 'll order the cheapest item on the menu . I 'm more of a hot - dog - cart - with - a - side - of - cheesy - fries kind of girl . But I know that 's just how my mom raised me . She always said , " Never depend on a man . Learn how to take care of yourself . " I think a mother with three daughters has to feed them that mindset nowadays . Especially a single mother . Of course , it 's always nice to get pampered every once in a while . Some flowers or an ice cream run when I 'm feeling down . But nothing major . I 've been in relationships where I never got those things , mostly because we grew too comfortable with each other that we forgot how to appreciate one another . And even if those small gestures did happen , I was so surprised by the event that I was asking a million questions to figure out why it was happening . I can 't help but wonder what would happen if the roles were reversed . What if I was the one to ask a guy out on a date ? What if I was the one to court the guy around and pay for the date ? This isn 't some feminist , all mighty woman power post . It 's just a thought . How would the date turn out in the end ? Would it be the same ? I feel like with every date , the guy is the one who is trying to impress , meanwhile , I think the girl should be equally impressive . We don 't give men enough credit . Some women out there might roll their eyes at that last statement but I 'm serious . It takes a lot of guts to ask someone out . And then you have to take that person out and all of the pressure is on them to impress them , and make sure they 're having a good time . Here I am , nervous for nearly every single date , when it seems all I really have to do is stand there and look pretty , maybe laugh at his jokes , and share an anecdote or two . That 's my only job . I 've never laughed over a guy asking me out on a date . I 'm always flattered , no matter who they are . But men get rejected all the time . For women , it 's once in a blue moon . And when it happens , it doesn 't feel good , does it ? Let 's face it , ladies . When it comes to casually dating , we 're kind of spoiled . Even if you never make it to date number 2 , you still got a free meal . However , after discussing this with Myka and Meghan why we may perhaps feel weird about going on dates , no matter how long we 've been doing it , it could be the slight chance that men have kind of given up . In 2017 , a typical date is " Netflix and Chill " . We could have done that in the comfort of our own home . You invite us over to " watch a movie " . We know what that means , gentleman . We suddenly feel like they don 't want to actually get to know us , because who discusses life , hobbies , and family in the middle of a movie ? Of course , this post is all over the place . A lot of it may be contradicting . But that 's just because I 'm another crazy woman who doesn 't know what she wants . But I have finally plopped a seat in my kitchen with a hot cup of coffee watching the sun shine through my window on this day . It 's supposed to be 89 degrees today . The heat has already kicked in rather rapidly here in Charleston , and I 've been melting . Only slightly . The job in the gallery is going pretty well . Of course , there are some aspects to the job that aren 't wonderful , but the shoe always drops , doesn 't it ? I 'm not going to be a millionaire anytime soon but at least I 'm gaining valuable experience . I 've been " dating " or rather , " seeing " one guy in particular . My Girl Gang group chat with Meghan and Myka like to call him Southern Man . He 's born and raised in Charleston . He 's a little rough around the edges , but he 's sweet . In a weird yet comforting way , he reminds me of my dad . He 's fun to be around and he brings me nachos late at night after he works . We 've been seeing each other for over a month and I 'm having serious doubts about the whole thing . I told him after our first date that I wanted this to be casual for now . I just wanted to keep spending time with him before committing to anything serious . However , after our first date , he made it very known how MUCH he likes me . I feel like I should have been happy with this but I wasn 't . It actually kind of freaked me out . But I wanted to give him a fair chance and still hang out with him in hopes that it would change . It did change slightly . I actually do really like him , but there 's one major con standing in the way . He absolutely despises kids . He has no intention of having children at all . The first few times he mentioned it , I let it slide . But he 's brought it up on numerous occasions to the point where it concerns me and I 'm realizing he 's not joking . I completely respect his decision to not want kids , but I made it known that I actually do want kids in the future . This doesn 't seem to phase him , though . So I keep thinking , where does it go from here ? Here 's my answer : it doesn 't . I am fully aware that us hanging out , casually , is as far as it 's going to go . Unfortunately , I know he doesn 't see it that way . Southern Man left for a cruise on Saturday and will be back on Thursday . I plan to have a chat with him when he 's back to clear the air and see what he 's thinking . I hate having those conversations , especially when it 's about something that is so far off in my future that the whole conversation sounds a little insane . But the way I see it is if I 'm going to get serious with someone , we need to want the same things in life . On a less serious note , I went out for a ladies night on Saturday . I have found a very colorful and crazy group of girlfriends whom I love . We sat in an Irish bar and listened to Irish folk music and danced . Here is the part where I may need some advice from you fellow bloggers but read the entire situation , and take into consideration what I had just previously shared with you . I 'm sitting at the bar , drinking my Michelob Ultra , and noticed a guy at the bar kept smiling at me . He interacted with me from across the bar a couple of times in a joking manner . After a little while , the bartender handed me a shot of whiskey . I asked her where it came from and she pointed to the man . I started laughing and he yelled , " You 're in an Irish bar and you 're drinking a Michelob . Have a whiskey ! " I hate whiskey . But I took the shot anyway and made sure to give him the most disgusted face after , in which he laughed . So then I followed along and asked the bartender to pour two rumplemintz shots . I had never heard of rumplemintz until I moved to Charleston . It tastes like toothpaste but at least you 're minty fresh after . I asked her to hand one over to the guy . As the bartender is pouring them , another guy comes up to me and asks to buy me a drink . I was like a lost doe in the woods . Here I was , buying a man a drink while another man is trying to buy ME a drink . It was a very confusing 10 seconds of my life . I looked down to read this new guy 's t - shirt and it read the name of the same restaurant Southern Man works at and I nearly had a heart attack . Charleston is small , y ' all . So I instantly said , " No , I 'm good . Thank you . " If I had said yes , I would have had to change my name . What I liked about this guy was how classy and old school he was . He didn 't try to come over and talk to me because he could see I was with my friends . That 's already a good sign in my book . He didn 't ask if he could buy me a drink , he did it anyway . Another good sign . And the fact that he slipped me his number on a piece of paper like it was 1997 made me a happy camper . I sent him a text , and we 've been talking on and off since Saturday . Then he wrote to me , " This may seem a little forward , but would you like to have dinner sometime ? " < - Another wonderful sign that he doesn 't want to push boundaries . He actually seems like a proper gentleman . And he 's in the Navy , which might explain his good manners . I said yes and now I have a date tonight at a pretty classy , expensive restaurant that apparently people try to get reservations at months ahead of time . This guy means business . Of course , a part of me feels a little shitty because I 'm still technically seeing Southern Man . I keep trying to justify it in my head by saying , " You told him casual , Jess ! " or " You 're not doing anything wrong ! " I 'm monogamous at heart , so going on multiple dates tends to weird me out . I know deep down I 'm not actually doing anything wrong or shameful but I can 't shake the feeling either . It 's just a date . It 's just a date . It 's just a date . I did kind of a sad thing yesterday . I googled " How to Casually Date " . Some of you may be on the same train . If so , welcome aboard the Casually Dating Express . There are no Chocolate Frogs , Pumpkin Pasties , or Cauldron Cakes on this express . Instead , there are the Traumatizing Truffles , Confusing Cookies , and Humiliating Hobbob 's ( I don 't know what a Hobbob is . I made it up . Why am I not a famous novelist yet for such brilliant creativity ? ) . I found a wonderful article on Thought Catalog titled " 24 Thoughts Every Chronic Over - Thinker Has While Attempting To ' Casually Date ' " . I found it hilarious and a little heart - warming considering the entire list was filled with my very thoughts . I related way too much to number 5 . I 've been single for three months and I 'm not sad about it . In fact , as I 'm writing this , I 'm being a basic bitch and sitting in a coffee shop with my laptop Carrie Bradshawing it because I needed to get out of the apartment and explore my new town . And guess what ? I can stay in this very seat for as long as I want . I have nowhere to be after this , and it feels nice . I 've always been extremely monogamous . That 's not necessarily a bad thing , but if you were to ask me what my type of man is , I 'd have no answer for you . I have no idea because I 've never dated around . I 've also never been the type of person to cut someone out over something small . For instance , if I was to meet someone and they were like , " I hate travelling and I have no interest in it " , that would normally not be a deal breaker for me even though I absolutely love to travel . But maybe it should be . There 's a difference in being picky and being a brat . If I want to travel to a new country every year , I want to date someone who wants to do that too . So , I found myself googling " How to casually date " because I have no idea what I 'm doing when it comes to " dating " . I think the fact that I gave my number to three different men in the last week proves that because I wasn 't entirely interested in them in the first place . But I sat in bed and realized that with all three men , I had the exact same conversation over and over again . " Where did you grow up ? What do you do ? How old are you ? " Blah , blah , blah . Boring . It 's like a broken record . It 's to the point where I can 't even remember what their answers were because it 's all the same . As soon as a man starts talking to me , I forget how to human . My intelligence is gone , I have nothing of importance to say , and I get tongue - tied . I 'm fully aware that I 'm acting like an idiot , but I don 't know how to turn it off . Let 's turn to my blogger friend Meghan ( go follow her blog if you haven 't already ) . I texted her explaining my awkwardness and since she is newly single ( well , kind of ) , we decided to collaborate a series of blog posts consisting of our weird interactions with the opposite sex . Is this a dating blog ? No , not really . If this blog turned into a dating blog , just go ahead and unfollow me now because I have nothing concrete to say and you 'll probably end up an old , battered person with not just cats , but parrots , geese , chickens , and maybe a llama . Oh hi there is it my turn ? ! Well for those who know I just got " dumped " Aka the guy I had been casually seeing for the last year said he no longer saw a future with me . OUCHHHH . If you want to punch someone in the heart tell them that . Instant ouch . I was already " single " but now I 'm SUPER SINGLE . I don 't really think I 'm ready to mingle yet . At this point I 'm just waiting for my secret fantasy to come true . What is that you ask ? ! ? ! I 'm at a concert and some super hot rocker guy is on stage and see 's me in the crowd and instantly falls for me . He hunts me down after their set and the rest is history . He will write cute but slightly emo songs about how much he loves me and will have cute little kids with mohawks and converse . Being in your mid 20 's and dating is weird . I have friends getting married and having kids . I on the other hand can 't even keep a cactus alive and would eat dino nuggets every night for dinner if I had the choice . I guess we are all at different stages of life ? ? M : More like Kellin Quinn . Tony Hawk is old . J : My aunt told me to find someone 10 - 15 years older than me . I 'm still trying to wrap my head around that . M : Bwahahahaha . Slightly but very you . J : It would match my Reptar t - shirt . I feel like I 'm not asking for much . M : I was just thinking that . I have a Legends of the Hidden Temple t - shirt . J : STOP IT . I forgot about that show . I should just start wearing my Reptar shirt when I go out . See how many suitors comment on it . So it 's official . Next Single Schmingle post will reveal if Meghan has found her 2003 lover and switched over to different nuggets , and I will attempt to wear my Reptar shirt out to a bar to see if men either think I 'm weird as hell or think it 's absolutely amazing . There 's only one way to find out , right ? Moving is such a horrible concept . I have moved a lot since 2009 . I moved from dorm to dorm on campus , and then apartment to apartment in various states such as New Hampshire , Massachusetts , California , Connecticut , and now South Carolina . I have to say , moving to South Carolina has been the worst by far . Moving is never a smooth transition . Something always goes wrong , but it 's usually fixable and not a giant headache in the end . If you lose a coffee mug or two , you just buy a new one . If your sheets rip during the drive , you just buy some new ones . However , my move to South Carolina has been absolutely terrible that I would rather the earth opened up , swallowed me hole , and spit me back up as a demon torturing myself in order to justify the reality of my situation ( s ) . At first , everything was hunky - dory . I drove down with Mumford in one piece . The movers arrived to the apartment before I did with my mattress , bed frame , and cabinet , which I was happy about . I unloaded everything from my car rather quickly with the help of Colleen . I was ready to somewhat relax and put my bed back together until I realized some of the pieces to my bed were missing . I texted the mover who apologized and checked his truck and did in fact find the rather small and annoying pieces that were preventing me from sleeping on a firm surface other than a floor . He said he was in Florida already and would be back in my area the following afternoon . But then the following afternoon came and went , and after reaching out , he told me first thing in the morning he would arrive . And then " first thing in the morning " came and went , and yet I was still here , sleeping on my mattress on the floor like a drug addict in an abandoned house in the woods . My room is pretty tiny , so not being able to put my bed together kind of stalls me from putting everything else together . Once the bed is together and placed in the right spot , I can then sort through all of my other things . I can 't put anything anywhere . I have more stuff arriving this week . I live in a pile of clothes on my mattress with a useless bed frame exploding my tiny bedroom . I . Am . Not . A . Happy . Lady . Right . Meow . I informed him immediately like the princess that I was behaving as that that arrangement did not work for me at all . I need a bed . It 's only been three days and I 'm already throwing crap around because I have no placement for them yet . I still have no idea what 's happening with the bed so I 'm just going to shove issue # 1 aside for now . It 's official . South Carolina does not want me to put my furniture together . It has not welcomed me with open arms . I just want a bedroom that wouldn 't make Jesse Pinkman cry . My story begins Saturday , February 11th . After a tearful goodbye to some of my pants , I ventured off to the mall with Tierney to hunt down some newbies . The first store we stumbled upon I was hesitant to enter . The overwhelming stench of perfume screamed , " You 're about to get a headache ! " and the dungeon lighting left me uneasy . I hadn 't shopped in this store I will not name since I was a teenager , when I was much more brave and alive . But they were having a sale on jeans , so I took the risk and stepped in . I dug through the layers and layers of folded jeans , unsure of my new size and feeling like an ass for not folding them back up properly . I pulled out a few pairs , and after some grunting , moaning , and sweating , I finally found the size that fits best . Out of breath and removing my upper lip sweat , I reassured Tierney I was in fact fine by yelling , " They zipped ! They have zipped up ! And I only had to fight them a little tiny bit . " " Do you know your * cough * … underwear … size ? " He asked . I could feel the awkwardness intensify . I 've never actually had a man , or any person , male or female , ask me for my underwear size . I don 't even let the pestering employees of Victoria 's Secret help me out . I 've always been pretty confident in what I 'm looking for when it comes to bras and underwear . And honestly , I don 't want them measuring my breasts in the middle of the store and then relaying the size to another employee through their headset like they 're on a mission to Mars . After making a few babbling noises and trying my hardest not to burst out laughing , I whispered , " Uhhhhhhhhhhh … . small . I 'm a small … I guess . " He grabbed a random pair from the buckets behind him and held them out for me to inspect , except he fumbled them around nervously with his fingers because I honestly believe he was thinking , this horrific place doesn 't pay me enough to do this . I wanted to vomit . He stood there waiting for me to approve of the underwear he had chosen and I felt upper lip sweat forming once again and the desire to pass out in the middle of the store . I looked at Tierney , who very conveniently picked a spot on the counter to stare at while waiting for this situation to be over . I think I even nudged her as a way of asking , " What do you think of this pair ? " But then I realized she is not the one expected to wear them . I am . All I wanted in that moment was to pay for my stuff and run out of there . But of course , the card slider was taking an obnoxiously long time . I tapped my fingers and used my telekinesis abilities on the machine to approve my card at a more rapid pace than it was currently working in . Once the transaction was complete , I sprinted out of the store , removing my sweater since I 'm sure my body sweat leaked through all of my clothes . The underwear is still sitting in the bag , untouched . They will be forever untouched . Yes , I realize they were free and I should be thankful but I will not be able to slip into them without thinking of the guy who picked them out for me . I can 't do it . I got a lot of wonderful feedback from you friends on my post from yesterday , and I want to thank all of you . Since I never responded to Maybe Cory 's text from the other night and he 's been silent since , I figured that was the end of that . I was thankful he didn 't turn out to be a psycho stalker who would eventually become scarier and scarier with each unanswered text . Oh boy . It 's official . I have to answer him . The text was slightly passive aggressive , filled with annoyance and perhaps regret . I immediately felt bad and tried to think of what to say without hurting his feelings . I kept thinking this morning about how aggravated I 've been in the past when my messages had gone unanswered . I tend to overthink things way too much and I didn 't necessarily want to do that to him or anybody else . He seems perfectly nice . I read an advice column a few weeks ago and the reader asked , " How do you say no to people ? " The advice columnist put it very simply - just say no . However , for people like myself , it 's a lot easier said than done . And I 'm not talking about drastic situations like , your best friend wants your help committing a murder . If my best friend asked me to participate in murder , I would very easily say no and then run away / go to the police . I was out with my mom , aunt , and two older sisters in a small downtown area in New Hampshire . Since it was my last weekend visiting them before I leave for South Carolina , it was kind of a big blow out . My oldest sister just had a baby back in October , so she was shaking her little mom self the whole evening . My second oldest sister was handing me Jello shots while my mom and my aunt took videos of me and my sisters reenacting the rap scene from Teen Witch . We are a close - knit family , as you can tell . I ran off to the ladies room and on my way back , my arm was tugged ever so lightly by some guy with thick - rimmed glasses . I was wearing my glasses as well ( long story short - I put my contact in my eye and it just disappeared without a trace . I looked like Jessica Day all weekend ) . He pulled me aside and said , " Hey , you seem interesting to talk to . " Now here 's where I tend to ruin things . In an overly sarcastic tone I asked , " Is it because I 'm wearing and you ' reeeee wearing glasses ? " But then he started laughing and asked for my name . Our conversation was going smooth and I knew it was going to be brief . After all , I was just being polite . And if I really thought about it , this guy had some balls to just pull me aside and strike up a conversation . Bonus points for him . He will go far in life . I told him that I was out with my family because I 'm moving to South Carolina . He thought that was cool and congratulated me . And then I started looking at his face and realized he seemed pretty young . Perhaps even younger than myself . He was still a senior in college . I informed him that I will be twenty - six next month . He didn 't seem to give a shit . I got nervous because of the situation I was in and began spewing out advice like I 'm his career counselor and he needed help on his resume . I then quickly ended the conversation and told him I needed to get back to my mother , which we both looked over and I 'm fairly certain she was holding a Jello shot . But he still asked for my phone number . 2 . ) I 'm nearly four years older than him . That doesn 't seem like a lot but when I realized that he was a freshman in college while I was graduating and stressing about my student loans , it wigged me out a little . 4 . ) Our conversation really wasn 't all that interesting to be honest . It felt like we were speed dating - what was your major ? What do you do ? Where do you live ? Where did you grow up ? - > How on earth can you tell if you like someone by asking these basic questions ? I want someone to ask me what my favorite episode of Doug is , and if I thought Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears should have worked things out . So I couldn 't help but wonder why on earth this guy wanted my phone number . For what purpose ? I think it was pretty obvious we were never going to see each other again . I 'm sure some of you are like , Oh Jess , you 're so naive . You 're right . You 're 100 % right . But I panicked and said , " Sure " and inserted my number into his phone . I had zero intention of speaking to him after our encounter . Some of you might think , Wow you 're an asshole . I wasn 't trying to be . I just don 't know how to say no . He was perfectly nice and polite . " Because I 'm not a jerk . How horrible would that be if you got the balls to ask a girl for her phone number only to find out that it 's not her phone number ? If I were to do that , what 's the point of giving him a number at all ? " I said . It 's so easy saying no to people who are just not very friendly , or if it 's someone asking to do something for you . Whenever a guy asks to buy me a drink , I always say , " No , thank you " unless I know them . I don 't like feeling as though I owe them something in return , if you know what I mean . I know plenty of girls who go out and get free drinks from gentlemen all night , and they have no intention of actually conversing with them after . I 'd feel like a dick by doing that . I 'm a working woman and I can pay for myself . Also , there 's an unspoken fear among females that we don 't want to get roofied , so shout out to guys , if you 're wondering why some girls turn down your drink offer , just know the roofie thing is like , half the reason . But if someone asks for my phone number , it sounds kind of weird saying , " No , thank you " . In the end , I guess it doesn 't really matter . Turning them down from the start is the exact same thing as ignoring their messages . Sure , it might hurt their feelings , which I don 't like doing , but if I have no intention of speaking to them anyway , then it 's a web I can 't break free of . Eventually , I just have to grow a pair and say " No " so that I can stop getting messages from people I don 't want to talk to . I 'm sure for the last year , my closet has felt like Buckingham Palace compared to my last one . You have so much space to just hang around while Mumford tortures you from time to time with his claws when he 's feeling feisty . You 're also completely separated from those asshole t - shirts and blouses in the next closet over . You no longer have to mingle with them , thank goodness . I 'll start off with you lovely sweatpants . There are just so many of you : the Catalina Island Sweatpants , the Old - Navy - Random - Purchase Sweatpants , the Forever - 21 - And - It - Only - Cost - 2 - Dollars Leggings , the Yoga - Pants - I - Bought - When - I - Was - A - Size - Zero - And - No - Longer - Fit - In . You are all my buds . We 've had so many cuddle sessions together , and I wouldn 't trade them in for the world . I 'm sorry to many of you for the accidental coffee spill from time to time when I was startled or got excited about something . We 've watched the entire series of Mad Men together , and you 're definitely the type I would like to die in a plane crash with , if the situation were to occur . Sorry , jeans . At least I would die comfortable . You 're the first pants I reach to when I get home from work . You 're the perfect attire to eat in . You allow me to be a bottomless pit and I love you for it . Cashews ? Screw cashews . Give me french fries . Back to the jeans . You guys are terrible friends . The only thing I like about you is the fact that you make my legs seem long and lean , but it 's a complete lie . In reality , my legs are short and look like stubby fingers . Let 's just push that pro to the side and go over the cons : But I have news for some of you . Since I have officially shed 12 pounds from my body , I 'm gonna have to go Hunger Games on your asses and remove you from the premises . No , Olive Jeans . You can 't volunteer as tribute . You still fit perfectly fine . Some of you , on the other hand , now fit me so awkwardly I feel like one of those tweens who 's old enough to shop in the juniors section but risk wearing khaki 's that bubble up at the thighs , but will only fit in the Little Miss section and risk wearing jeans with flower patches on the knees like they 're in third grade . I can 't be having that at the age of 25 . Sahry . We are also moving to a much warmer place , full of sunshine and horrible humidity . Even the ones who are dear enough to stick around , your services will not be needed nearly as much . I 'm going to have to start buying more shorts and dresses . I know , I know . Shorts scare you . They are basically you , but with your limbs cut off . Do you want to be covered in my sweat ? This isn 't to say I don 't love all of you . I know what I said before , jeans . But I didn 't mean it . You are there for me when the seasons change and I feel my inner girl freak out at the sight of a dead leaf . I throw you on when the temperature drops to 60 . You cover my legs on the days I don 't feel like shaving . You keep me warm and cozy . You give me more confidence than any other piece of clothing . I 'll be sure to give you the love and respect on the days you are needed . We will do something fun together . Like jump in a pile of leaves or bond with some boots if it gets really cold . I know you 'll miss the boots too . So , this isn 't goodbye now , or forever . This is a " I 'll catch you on the flip side . " Until then , you do you . Never lose heart . Every year , I fail at Christmas . Three years ago , I bought an entire box of Christmas cards to give to all of my coworkers , family members and friends . I got distracted by one thing or another , and the cards were never sent . Two years ago , Christmas crept up so fast , I ended up baking brownies and sending them to my family . And then I did the same thing last year . But this year , I get an A + + for Christmas . Until yesterday . Here is the dilemma . My company had their office Christmas party last week . My department was a little boring in the fact that we basically sat around in silence eating cookies , mac and cheese , and possibly spiking the eggnog ( that 's just about the craziest thing we did ) . Meanwhile , the department down the hall had an ugly sweater party , and they played Christmas carols , ate pizza , played games , etc . My department does a Secret Santa every year . I decided not to participate . I 'm still fairly " new " to this company , and I only know a couple of people fairly well . Plus , I 'm nearly broke now after finally , for the first time ever , getting each and every one of my family members and friends a Christmas present . Once the party was over , I thought " Okay good . I can now focus on family . " Flash forward to yesterday , and my coworker Katie hands me this giant Christmas bag . It 's a full / queen plush blanket . It 's the softest thing I 've ever owned . If I thought getting up early in the morning every day was hard , it just got a hell of a lot harder with this blanket . I didn 't even think to get my boss and Katie something for Christmas . I THOUGHT THE SECRET SANTA WAS FOR THAT . I blatantly chose not to participate for this very reason . So now , of course , I have to get them a gift by tomorrow . My other coworker , Michelle , whom I don 't particularly like very much , but I tolerate , also gave me a gift . I was praying to the gods all evening last night hoping it wasn 't going to happen , and voila , a gift was handed to me this morning from her . So in order to not look like a dick , I have to get Michelle something too . What is the point in Secret Santa if we are just going to give all of our coworkers presents anyway ? That is the reason behind Secret Santa - to include everyone . When we were in elementary school and we did Secret Santa , you got your person the gift , we all exchanged them in the classroom before Christmas , everyone got a gift and went home happy , and that was that . I didn 't slip other kids in my classroom a gift on top of my Secret Santa gift . That would be cruel and insensitive . Exchanging gifts at work is painfully awkward and confusing . If you get one person a gift , you feel obligated to get the rest of your coworkers gifts as well , even if you don 't know them very well . That 's why I was thankful for the Secret Santa - I didn 't feel like I had to get anyone anything if I wasn 't participating . The only thing I did partake in was bringing Peanut Butter Pretzel Bark to the party , which was basically my gift to everyone . This job is costing me a fortune this year . I embarrass myself daily . Sometimes I 'm aware of when it 's happening , other times I 'm not . My embarrassing moments usually consist of oversharing , cracking jokes that nobody understands , walking into doors , tables , and walls ( how DID that wall get there ? ) , or stumbling on my words to the point where they are incoherent simply because I 'm nervous . I had a strange fascination with death as a child . I 've been trying to figure out when it all started . My mom says that when I was about four or five , a handful of people in my life died and it really screwed with me . " People were dropping like flies ! " so my mom says . This could have been the foundation of my death fear , but I recently remembered a brief moment in my history that certainly didn 't help the situation . I got my first pet fish when I was six years old . I named her after my best friend Megan . She was a bronze fish with black polka dots , and she swam around her tank with elegance and grace . She was the first pet I really learned how to take care of . I woke up each morning , and the first thing I did was grab my step stool and feed Megan . She was everything I could have hoped for . I would sometimes pull up a chair and watch her swim around . I would do homework next to her , draw pictures next to her , and eat dinner next to her . She was my pal . I told her my deepest six - year - old secrets like which boy I was crushing on that hour , and how much I hated P . E . She kept growing and growing to the point where we had to buy a bigger tank . It took up most of the counter in our kitchen . We also had a dog and a cat at the time . I recall my cat jumping on the counter and knocking over a plate of cookies . Needless to say , we lived in Animal House , minus the frat brothers . While I still enjoyed Megan 's company , I found myself outside with my new scooter , or in my room reading big girl books as opposed to chatting it up with my pet fish for an hour . My mom probably thought buying me a pet fish was the perfect plan . It would teach me to take care of something else , and to learn about responsibility . But I don 't think she expected the fish to live longer than a month , tops . Then , she stopped cleaning the tank . After weeks , perhaps months of overfeeding and neglecting poor Megan , we could barely see her continuously and obliviously swimming around . My mom looked like she was going mad . I purposely tapped on ant hills to get the family of ants out of the hole just so I could kill them . They would all pile out of their tiny hole and onto the pavement , and I lavishly stomped on every single one of them . Even the ones suffering and squirming , I would kneel down and watch as they slowly stopped moving . I eventually shared this new hobby of mine at school . It quickly turned into a contest as to who could kill the most ants . The rest of this story is a little fuzzy so I will try and feel my way through to the truth . I 'm sure one of my teachers saw our little torture corner of the playground and lectured us on the idea of living creatures having a valuable life of some sorts . I eventually learned that ants are so unbelievably strong , that they could certainly take over the world by coming together and carrying human beings away . I actually don 't know how true that statement is but I remember someone telling me about it in school and I wanted to cry at the thought . All the more reason to kill them , I thought . Eventually , I stopped my little killing spree of insects . I either grew out of it , or a teacher made me feel bad . Even now , unless there is an ant in my apartment , I don 't touch them . But part of me really , really , really wants to . Sixteen - year - old Jess : That doesn 't prove anything . Everyone has those sweatshirts . Tell me something nobody else knows . Current Jess : You never read the first Harry Potter . And you read the rest of them completely out of order . Sixteen - year - old Jess : * Sighs * I can 't wait to be 25 . I 'm going to go to Clark University and study anthropology . Or I 'll go to the Art Institute of Boston and become an art teacher . 25 is going to be amazing . Current Jess : * Chuckling * Oh Jess … none of that happens . Sixteen - year - old Jess : What do you mean none of that happens ? I had a plan ! Current Jess : I know you do . You were stuffing college brochures in your desk drawer since you were thirteen . Sixteen - year - old Jess : Okay , well at least that 's something . So what happened to the rest of it ? You 're 25 . You 're supposed to be set in your career . Am I an art teacher ? Do I work in a fancy office ? Do I wear nice clothes ? Do I have my own apartment ? Am I getting married soon ? Current Jess : I don 't know , dude . Calm down . You can 't just marry the first guy to pay attention to you . It doesn 't work like that . Take your time . You haven 't even figured the career part out yet . Sixteen - year - old Jess : But there is so much I wanted to do . I wanted to teach English to schoolchildren in Nigeria . I wanted to backpack through China . I wanted to hole myself up in a cabin in Washington State , away from everyone else for a little while . Kind of like Johnny Depp but without the mental breakdown . Current Jess : There 's still time . Just because you haven 't done those things by the age of 25 doesn 't mean you need to write them off the list entirely . Sixteen - year - old Jess : Yeah . I would pretend I was a Harvard student even though I was three . Current Jess : Exactly . That 's when you started dreaming about college . I still remember the presidential election of 2000 . I was in the fourth grade learning about politics for the first time . Since most kids typically vote for the candidate their families vote for , I was rooting for George Bush . I come from a mostly Republican family . My best friend at the time , Megan , came from a mostly Democrat family , and her vote was for Al Gore . When Bush won , I jumped up and down for joy while Megan kicked her feet around saying , " Gosh darn it ! " and we still ate lunch together as if nothing ever happened . The same exact thing happened in 2004 with George Bush and John Kerry . I still managed to keep my Democrat friends close even after George Bush won . So , I ask America , what in the world happened to us ? Unless I just grew up , opened my eyes , and realized what was actually going on . The 2008 election was just a small taste for what we were in for : hatred . My best friend at the time , Katherine , was voting Obama and she let me know every day what a terrible mistake it would be if I rooted for McCain . I must admit , that election was during my senior year of high school and I honestly didn 't pay attention as much as others did because I had college applications and SAT 's on the brain . But , my family was voting for McCain . However , that didn 't alter Katherine 's hateful and sarcastic comments one bit . The 2012 election , I was paying attention to the best of my ability . I voted Romney . And from a sorta - kinda - Republican / Independent point of view , this is what happened : My college campus was jam packed with Obama buses to bring students to the nearest town hall to vote . Thousands of students were shoving Obama signs in my face , yelling at me to vote . Most of my friends spent the day screaming at the television about how much Romney sucked , and nobody was voting for him ( which is ridiculous since obviously people were voting for him ) . I actually had people who I considered close friends express their hatred for Republicans , which made me uncomfortable to no end . After Obama won , I wasn 't upset . I went to bed and slept like a baby . However , a former co - worker on Facebook figured out that I didn 't vote for Obama , and it MUST have been because he 's black right ? Which he then felt the need to express all over the Facebook page of my employer at the time , asking them how they could hire a racist ? That racist was apparently me , and he wrote my name out in all caps . Luckily , my boss was able to delete the comment immediately and block the person . But that didn 't stop the cooks from making racist jokes every time I walked by . I spent most of my shift in the bathroom crying . Ever since that particular election , I 've been too afraid to voice my own opinion in a country where we claim we can go ahead and do that . Between the Facebook posts bashing not just Republicans but Democrats too , to the unwanted political conversations where all I do is fold my hands and stare at the floor , it 's become too much . I understand this election has turned us into a mockery for other countries . A sort of lesson on " What Not To Do " . But I am here to say that whoever my friends and family vote for , I 'm not going to berate them for their choices , and neither should the rest of you . I haven 't asked one single person who they are voting for because it 's simply none of my business . I was raised to " never bring up politics at the dinner table " and I maintain that even more now . We have to get a grip and remember that not every Republican is so far right and not every Democrat is so far left . For every person you make fun of , whether they are voting Clinton or Trump , you are insulting someone you know or their families . It baffles me that I feel the need to write this to adults . I 've been wanting to say these words since 2008 and I don 't want to be afraid anymore . It 's not fair . A couple of months ago , I was part of a group chat with four other co - workers . We mostly goofed off , sent each other silly gifs , and discussed the next after - work cocktails night we should have . It was all fun and games until something extraordinarily awkward happened . Meet Don . He 's a bit of a grump with some serious mood swings . He acts like he hates you , and then the next day , says " Good Morning " and asks about your weekend . He 's a confusing , angsty soul . Katie said something sassy in the group chat , and Don fired back . With my clear eyes , it seemed like he was being sarcastic , which that is a language Katie doesn 't speak . Katie took offense to his comment , which started a very short mini argument between the two of them . The other two chatters were silent , and so was I . What do the kids call it ? Ghosting ? Yes . I did my best to ghost the conversation . Within minutes , Don left the group chat . Since then , Katie hasn 't really spoken to him . Nothing has changed on my part because I barely spoke to him before the group chat anyway . Fast forward a few weeks , and one of the silent chatters mentioned how Don wanted to go out for after - work drinks , but without Katie … and apparently me . Fast forward to last night , and I found that Don unfollowed me on Instagram , along with Katie . Needless to say , this guy doesn 't like me , and it 's clear that it 's by association . I 'm friends with Katie . I talk to her , and eat lunch with her everyday . Therefore , since Don doesn 't like Katie , he MUST not like me too . I 've never dealt with something like this in " adult world " . Especially by a thirty - something - year - old man . What bothers me about this situation is that 1 . Katie and I are nothing alike , and 2 . this person has made up his mind about me without actually getting to know me , and 3 . I 've done absolutely nothing . As adults , we have learned the art of keeping a straight face , smiling , and acting like nothing is wrong , especially in front of someone we don 't particularly like . In teenage girl world , you test out the silent treatment . The person you are in a brawl with asks for a pencil , you stare straight ahead without even a head nod to acknowledge the slight breeze in the air . |
Well , my hip x - ray came back negative . . . except I have a kidney stone . Yeah , I know . It was an assistant to the doctor who called me , so she didn 't know which kidney the stone was in , but since my x - rays were all of my left side I 'm assuming that the stone is in my old , left kidney . My new kidney is on the right . I immediately called the kidney doctors who didn 't seem too concerned . She 's going to look up the x - ray and then get back to me if there 's an issue . In the meantime , I see a chiropractor on Friday to see if he can relieve the pain that continues to be annoying . Have I mentioned the terrible pain I 'm having in my left hip ? It started almost 3 weeks ago and I don 't know how . I saw my doctor about it and she said I pulled a muscle . So she gave me some stretches to do and she would not prescribe me any pain meds . I got my kidney doctor to do it because the only OTC pain med I can take is Tylenol . All you pregnant women out there who can only take Tylenol know it does NOTHING ! Well , three weeks later and the pain is worse than before . I can 't get up from laying and it hurts to walk . I 'm going to see my family doctor this afternoon to see if I need an x - ray or something else . Ugh . Day two and things are off to a good start . Yesterday was nice , it was nice to get a sence of normalcy again . I wasn 't too tired at the end of the school day . But then we had Alli 's homework , dinner , girl scouts and a big grocery trip . That means putting away groceries and then getting everyone ready for bed . By 9 : 00 I was toast . Anna only woke up once last night , so I was able to get some extened sleep . Still tired . . . but excited about a pay check in January ! On Saturday the Delhi Skirt Game Committee gave each of my girls a $ 100 " shopping spree " to Target . We got some basics ( sweaters , t - shirts , snow pants , socks , diapers ) , and then they could pick out a few toys . It was so nice of them , but I cried three times . I hate taking when I 'm used to giving . But they were all so nice and Alli said it was the best part of her weekend . She keeps telling me , " It 's okay , Mama , I still love you alot . " And it has been pouring lately . Proof ? How about all of the water in my basement ? Yeah , the sump pump stopped working . What a mess ! This after we had a drain back up and had to pay a plumber and after Alli failed her distance vision test and we had to buy glasses . And we 're trying to take care of Christmas , too . Thank God for my parents . And thank God I 'm going back to work soon . It 's starting to get rough . I have to go to see the doctor on December 5th . That 's two weeks after my last visit . And I DON ' T have to give blood in between . So that 's cool ! And I can get my blood drawn on the Friday before close to home . Then I 'll call the doctor on Monday and ask when they can see me so I don 't have to sit around the office all morning . Hope it works ! The nurse practitioner told me again that it was time to stop gaining weight . I 'm only 130 , 5 ' 8 " . But then she saw me standing up . . . she told me to keep eating ! " I didn 't realize how skinny you are ! " she remarked . " I think you can stand to gain some more weight . Keep up the good work . " Thanks . I went for blood on Monday at 7 : 30 and had to wait OUTSIDE of the office since there were so many people waiting . I didn 't have my blood drawn until 8 : 30 . It was crazy ! When the nurse practitioner called to tell me that all of my blood work was good she asked where I get my blood drawn . " At the hospital , " I answered confused . " Oh , well there is a lab near your house on Rapid Run . In the future you should have your blood drawn a day or two before your appointment and then just call us to see when we think we can get you in . " Seriously ! This information would have saved me HOURS and HOURS of waiting around the hospital . . . eating bagels and drinking hot chocolate and caffeine free Coke . It could have saved me about 10 pounds ! Anna and I were going to Kroger and dropping stuff off at Good Will . Both were right by Davita , so we stopped in to say hi . The nurses , NP and dietitian were so excited to see me ! I told them that I really don 't know why people stay on dialysis and decide not to go forward with the transplant . It 's like a whole new life after a couple weeks recovery . Well worth it ! I did some shopping on Tuesday . Some returning and some Christmas shopping with gift cards that I keep getting from people at school . Normally the amount of moving and carrying of Anna would have worn me out . But I think the more I did them better I felt and the more energy I had . I couldn 't believe it ! I know , I haven 't posted in a while . Still all good news from the doctor . I go back 7 days later to get blood work and 7 days after that to see the doctors . He last said I 'm not drinking enough water . And I 've gained 20 pounds since I left the hospital . The nurse said I 'm going to over shoot my goal weight if I 'm not careful . . . nice . I saw the doctor on Friday . Things are still great . So great that I don 't have to give blood until Wednesday . And I don 't see the doctor again until next Monday ! That 's 10 days between visits . He wants to get me to every two weeks really soon . I love it ! Yeah , right ? I saw my rheumatologist who I still really like . She ran a ton of tests . Most resulted the way we expected . . . my immune system is messed up ( my ANA was high ) . Both of my Sjogrens anti - bodies were positive ( they told me that when I was pregnant and that 's why they were so worried about Anna 's heart before she was born ) . My Sed rate was high ( 87 is apparently super high ) so she knows that my Sjogrens is active because it shows that there is inflammation in my body . But the most concerning test was a lupus test that came back positive . It was barely positive , but positive all the same . She asked me to double my steroid for a month and then come back to repeat the tests to see if the inflammation is down and is the lupus test was a fluke . The inflammation could be be a result of getting off of a high dose of steroids too quickly after the surgery . If you know anything about steroids you know that you have to step off of them slowly and carefully . Lupus is similar to sjogrens but works in a different way . I 'm pretty sure my friend 's mom has lupus . I 'll have to get some info from her . Got your attention , huh . No , I 'm not addicted to pain meds . I 'm addicted to strawberry banana smoothies . They are helping me to gain weight . I have three or four a day . Crazy ! Healthiest PatientThe doctor told me that I 'm their healthiest patient . Lots of other patients have been readmitted to the hospital for dehydration . Not me ! I 've got lots of people " reminding " me to drink water . I 'm doing so good that I had blood drawn today but don 't need to see the doctors until Friday . Nice ! I had a stent connecting my kidney and bladder . I guess it was supposed to keep the " tube " connecting the two open so I could pee . Anyway , it was removed on Wednesday . It was pretty easy . They gave me some " Jaco - juice " ( Propofol ) and I don 't even remember seeing the doctor . Good thing . I was nervous once I saw the stirrups ! WeightI keep gaining . I 'm back to my pre - surgery weight ( 119 ) . Still got some more to gain . Jason and the doctors think I should be at 140 . I 'd rather shoot for 135 ! RheumatologistSaw the rheumatologist on Monday . She was nice and very thorough . She drew a ton of blood to see that I really do have Sjogrens and if it 's active . I 'll go back in two weeks to go over the results and come up with a plan . I like how she operates . . . get all the facts before you do anything . The doc told me on Friday that I could start driving ! Thank goodness . Tomorrow is 4 weeks . I drive myself this morning and after I had my blood drawn I drove to get a bagel and a coke . Ahh . I sat in my car instead of a hard chair in the hospital . I 'm not as irritated as I had been . Another DoctorI see a rheumatologist today . My kidney doc got me in fast . She 's supposed to be really good and in high demand . Hopefully she knows more about Sjogrens than my last rheumatologist . He was a joke . I 'm getting a little bit tired of sitting in the house all alone all the time . But I still need to stay away from people and germs . I watched Alli 's soccer practice last night and then we went to Applebee 's . It was a quick dinner , but it was nice to get out . The gift card from school helped out alot ! Waiting . . . MaybeThey told me last time that they like to take turns on who comes back first . We 'll see . It should be my turn to be close to first . Date NightJason is taking Alli to see the Lion King tonight . She 's been so great through all of this . . . she deserves it . Anna and I will probably fall asleep on the couch . Yesterday was another terrible waiting day . I had my blood drawn at 6 : 30 , had a bone density scan at 8 : 30 , sat at the kidney doctor 's office until they called me back at 11 : 00 , then didn 't see the doctor because they didn 't have my blood test results . I went to the urologist and called the kidney doctor to see if my results were back . . . they weren 't . So , I went home . They called me later . But the good news is that things are still going well and I only have to go to the hospital 2 days a week , Monday and Friday . Hooray ! NumbersMy labs looked good . My creatinine is 1 . 0 ( great ) , my white blood count is 8 . 5 ( no infection ) , my red blood count is 10 . 5 ( improving ) . My sugar was 78 after fasting ( much better than it was before ) . Yeah . Bone ScanI had a bone scan since I 've been on the steroid for so long . It said that I have osteopenia . It guess that means there is some thinning of my bones . It 's hard to tell if that 's because of the steroid or because of family history ( my mom and grandma have bone issues , too ) . I 'm supposed to start taking Caltrate with Vitamin D for the time being . I might have to start an osteoporosis medicine , like Boniva that Sally Fields takes . UrologistHe walked in and said , " So , you got a new kidney . . . awesome ! Congratulations ! " He was cool . He said they could remove the stint by just using some numbing cream and then it will take only a few minutes to " go up there " and remove it . Ha , right . He says most women are more comfortable when they are sedated and that will take a couple of hours to get me to sleep and then wake me up . Please , put me under . . . That will happen next week . Once the doctor finally showed up on Friday it was a good appointment . My white blood count is down which means we are no longer worried about an infection . . . yay ! My red blood count is up , so I should start feeling like I have more energy soon . My blood pressure was good , lower than I 'm used to , but good . My creatinine level is 1 . 0 . This is the big test that tells us if the kidney is working . Normal is between 0 . 5 and 1 . 2 , so it 's really good ! Potassium and calcium are good . Phosphorus is still low ( who would 've thunk it ) . My appointment was so good that he considered having me NOT come back in on Monday . Maybe we 'll be down to two days a week soon ! But I have other appointments on Monday , so I would be there anyway . I get a bone density scan at 8 : 30 on Monday . I 've been on a steroid for so long that he wants to check my bones out for osteoporosis . Then I see the kidney doctors like usual . And finally I see the urologist at noon to talk about getting rid of the stint that I have connecting my kidney to my bladder . ChurchI went to church last week . I sat in the back , didn 't shake hands and wore a mask . I got up and showered today to go again , but it wasn 't meant to be . Every time I stood up I felt my blood pressure drop . I was fine sitting down , and would have been fine once I made it to church . But I had to get there and get to the back . I decided to stay home . I got here this morning at 6 : 20 for my blood draw . Got a danish and found a comfy seat until 8 : 00 when I found some hot chocolate . I got to the kidney doctors office at 8 : 30 right when the office opened . Now it 's nearly 11 : 00 and I am yet to see the nurse practitioner or the doctor . They are both here . . . I hear them ordering Chipotle right outside my door . All I want to do is go home and lay down . I have a feeling I 'm not getting much rest today . Want to cry . . . I know . . . from worst to best , right . We figured out why Anna wasn 't sleeping . She has a cold . We set up her humidifier with some vicks . Then we gave her some tylenol and some all - natural cough medicine . It has made all the difference in the world . I felt great all day . My bp is still low , so I 'm officially off of all bp meds . However , some of my bloodwork came back looking not so good . My white blood count was really high , so they think I have some sort of infection . I 'm on a super strong antibiotic while they wait for my blood and urine cultures to come back . I could have Anna 's cold brewing , or it could be a urinary tract infection . I mean , I haven 't peed in a year in a half , so I guess that wouldn 't surprise me . . . Keep you posted . I feel like maybe I 've said that before . Anna wouldn 't sleep . Jason got in the car and drive all of the way to Fountain Square before he finally got her to sleep . They stayed in the car for 10 minutes after they got home . He finally brought her in , kept her in her car seat and fell asleep on the couch . I wish I could help more , but I can 't pick her up for 5 more weeks . He 's really stressing out . . . And I felt horrible , too . My blood pressure is super low even without bp medicine . It makes me hot and cold at the same time . Sweaty and chilled as well as dizzy . Plus my pain is bad and it 's hard to get comfy in bed . I need more pain pills . I 'm still loosing weight . I 'm at 108 . You can see my ribs . Jason wants me to get some " weight - gainer 2000 " from GNC . . . we 'll see what the docs say . I 'm here for my MWF blood work . I guess Wednesdays are the lightest day of the week . New people come MWF , older people only on MF and really well established people come only on M . Today they got me in before 6 : 30 . Now I have to wait two and a half hours until the kidney docs office opens . They should really have beds here for us . . . I get my last iv infusion today . It took for hours on Monday . hopefully we 'll start earlier today . The visit with the docs took two hours since it was my very first one . At the end of the day , Dad was waiting for me with a Snickers bar . Yum ! Okay , blood pressure has improved . It 's still low for me , but they think out could be a sign that it 's going back to normal . Can you believe it ? Not I ! Meanwhile , we adjusted my meds and I will only take some of them if my pressure is above a certain number . Self - medicating . . . I 'm good at that ! My other numbers are great . Phosophorus is super low so more dairy , chocolate , nuts and cola . It 's strange to go over board on the things I 've been avoiding for so long . Soccer parent is bringing us dinner tonight . . . stuffed shells , salad , bread and cake . Yummo ! I 'm hungry ! Sitting in the doctors office . I was discharged on Saturday and their voicemail was down . So we are waiting for another report from the hospital . My blood pressure had been around 88 / 72 . Not real good . In fact , I feel like crap . So they brought me back to let me lay down . I think that and the salty peanut butter crackers and bottle of water are helping . After this I go upstairs to get another anti rejection treatment . It takes 4 to 6 hours . So the longer I wait here the longer it takes up there . hooray . . . They want me to drink 3 liters of fluid a day . Plus , I 'm on iv fluids . I 'm peeing every 20 minutes . I have to unplug myself and roll my iv in to the bathroom with me . How annoying ! But I guess it 's better than the alternative . I took a sleeping pill last night with my pain pill . I slept from 10 pm til 530 am . Pretty good for the hospital . I asked for another one for tonight . I felt better yesterday so I walked around alot . But this morning I 'm in a bit more pain . And I 'm peeing alot . It 's kind of freaking out the nurses . They have to empty my catheter bag more than a normal transplant . Debby gave me a good kidney ! I washed my hair in the sink last night and changed into my own pajamas . It feels nice to be clean . I still might be here until Sunday instead of Saturday . I 'm at a high risk for rejection because of the sjogrens syndrome , so I need an extra dose of an immunosuppressive drug . It 's an iv drug and has to be done inpatient . I 've got an iv in my right arm , a central line in mt neck and a folly catheter too catch my pee . It 's hard to get around . . . Jason made fun if me . I ordered rice krispies , a banana , two milks , orange juice , an english muffin with cream cheese , turkey sausage and hash brown potatoes . Yummy ! And I ate most of it , too ! Lunch wasn 't as good , but there was chocolate ice cream ! I had a great dinner and dessert . Then I ate an entire Snickers bar ! Yummy ! I 'm not used to drinking so much and feeling like I have to peep . It 's kinda nice , but kinda weird , too . My pee had been pink , like pink lemonade . But it 's starting to yellow out . I 'm off off the morphine pump and now on pain pills . Hoping to get some more benedryl to help me sleep . They will wake me up every hour to drain my pee . And I 'll be up at 5 am to sit in a chair for a few hours . Might even walk around before I 'm moved to a regular room . Oh , and then there is breakfast . . . I feel great ! Of course my side hurts , but other than that I 'm doing really well . I had some frozen lemonade and it was delicious . It set well in my stomach so they let me order a real dinner : penne pasta , dinner roll , green beans , cheesecake and chocolate icecream . And a PEPSI . Yummy - o ! Debby , my donor came down to see me . She looks great . She said her right side hurts . . . but they took her left kidney ! She 's so excited that it is working . That was her biggest fear . I had a fever this morning . 103 ° F . We got it back down to normal , so I will probably move to a regular room , out of the ICU . Debby gets to go home tomorrow ! Yeah , Debby ! I 've learned that it 's hard to get good sleep in the hospital . It 's okay , though . I 'm still feeling good ! They increased my pain meds and promised I can have some clear liquids tomorrow . Nice ! I feel awesome . They weren 't kidding when they said i 'd feel better immediately . I 'm in pain , but otherwise great ! So far all of the prayers are working ! Love . Finally ! I feel much better now . I took my morning meds about an hour ago . I usually take them around 6 am . I figure they can always give me something if my blood pressure is high when I get there . . . Seriously . They told me to hold some of my blood pressure medicines . Now I have the worst headache of all times . I 've been throwing up since 11 : 30 . Please , God . Help me make it until the surgery . I can 't believe today is my last . I think the last three hours are going to drag . In every class today someone asked of I 'm nervous . It 's crazy , but I 'm not nervous at all ! I 'm ready to start feeling better . I 'm not really sure what feeling good feels like ! Most people have read the article from Sunday 's paper . Now channel 5 is doing a piece . Channel 5 , six o ' clock tonight , on the website , and all weekend long . Our gal Val . . . I got one call around lunchtime . It was from the pharmasists at Christ . There was something in the blood work they drew that made them think I needed to stop the drug for the study . My immune system is always hyped up because of the autoimmune disease , and I think that 's what they saw . So , I will have a better change of not rejecting the kidney if they go with normal proceedure of drugs . I 'll get IV medicine to induce my immune system to stop working on the day of the surgery . It 's fine , though . Taking the meds that I did won 't hurt anything . It just isn 't going to work enough . The IV meds will work better . Then another call came right after lunch . It was the transplant coordinator and she said that my nephrologist wanted me to see my cardiologist ASAP . I was freaked out . Apparently there was something wrong with my chest x - ray . Are you kidding ? ? She said that my heart just looks big because I 'm so small right now . So , I had to go get an echo at Good Sam yesterday afternoon . But , good news is that the results were perfect . . . better than they have been since Anna was born . Hallelujah ! I had to drive the results from the echo and films from a chest x - ray up to Christ right after that . The coordinator wasn 't there , so I left them for her to look at this morning . And , thank God , she called at 8 : 30 am to tell me that the doctors all looked at the results and are thrilled and ready to go on Tuesday . I 've about had it with all of this . . . Tuesdsay can 't come quick enough . Our picture is on the top of the front page today . The column will run on Sunday , September 11 . It will be on the front page of the Metro section . Lots of running around yesterday . They needed me to get an Echo and bring chest x - ray films up to Christ . Everything is fine . . . all has been reviewed and we 're still set to go on the 13th ! I went to Christ yesterday to talk about my medicines . They actually told me that I qualify to be part of a study . Here 's how I understand it . There are two different kinds of immunosuppresant drugs : induction and maintenance . The induction drugs " induce " your immune system sto stop working . The induction drugs are given through an IV in the operating room and then 4 more times every other day . Once your immune system has been suppressed then the maintenance drugs take over and I take those forever . But there is one maintenance drug that they think I can start two weeks before the surgery ( yesterday - ish ) and then I won 't need as much of the induction drug . So I started taking this medicine yesterday and will continue it until the day of the surgery . They will still draw blood to decide if it 's working like they thought it would . And if it doesn 't seem to be working then they will just give me the regular doses of the induction drugs . My fistula is gross . If you 've seen it lately you 'd agree . . . although you wouldn 't say anything because you 're too nice ! And many of you have asked if they will " take it out " after the transplant . The answer is no , they won 't . BUT , one of the nurses told me today that it should shrink after not being used . It will take a while , but it will go down , and I 'm so excited ! ! Okay , Hoxworth doesn 't encourage directed donation of blood . It takes too long to get it cleaned and all that stuff . But you can still give because it will replenish what I use . So , here 's one thing I 'm thinking . If you want to help , consider giving blood . I 'm type O , but you can donate even if you 're not . I 'm looking into the idea of a " Blood Group . " Apparently it 's when I set something up with Hoxworth so that you can donate blood in my name . I 'm going to call them later this morning and I 'll post again when I find something out . After six more days of dialysis , I 'm done ! Hopefully it will be forever . I suppose it could be only five more dialysis days if I don 't come on the day before the surgery . But if I want to feel my best , I 'll come on Monday night before surgery on Tuesday . My donor and I will BOTH be meeting at Christ on Tuesday , September 6th . I think she 's relieved to be able to meet with the surgeon . We 'll be meeting with them together . They told her to take 1 ounce of milk of magnesia before the surgery . . . Yep ! We 've set a date . . . September 13 , 2011 . That 's only a couple of weeks from now . I 'm getting nervous , but I 'm so anxious , too . Next Tuesday , a person from the school district wants to come to interview me and my donor . They want to take our picture and write up an article to send to the media . Check out the newspaper , I guess . This is the day it becomes real , I think . I will get one more blood test , a chest x - ray , and an EKG . I will also meet one more time with the surgeon , the transplant coordinator and the social worker . I will also pre - register for my surgery . On the big day , I have to report to the hospital at 6 : 00 am . The surgery will start at 7 : 30 am . That doesn 't give me much time to think about it ! That 's how long I 'll be recovering . Seems like forever , but that 's how long I was out last fall when I had Anna . But I wasn 't ready to go back to school when my time was up last year ! My donor will be out for six weeks . Although she said if she 's not ready to return she 'll take more time . I don 't blame her ! I think it 's starting to hit her that I 'll be in the hospital . Jason started to talk to her about it . And the tears started to flow . She has been through so much . What a tough little girl . All of the tests are done , and all results are good ! My donor got a call from the transplant coordinator . She told her to go to school and tell them it 's going to happen . We are nearly set now ! After we hear back from the transplant coordinator we 'll let them know at school . She thinks we should start school and give them a couple of weeks to find two subs . Makes sense , but I 'll have to take a million more unpaid sick days . If only Jason could find a job . That would relive alot of or stress . Well , the good news keeps on coming . Her test results are all great ! She gets a catscan on her kidney on Friday morning . This is just to pick which kidney they 'll use and look at all of the blood vessels and connections and stuff . It really is the last test ! Last week after dialysis she went home and turned off her air conditioning and started to fry some bacon . Seven hours later her daughter found her on the kitchen floor . She broke both of her arms . They obviously didn 't let her go home alone . They didn 't even let her go to her daughter 's house . She 's in a nursing home . She 'll be there until she recovers . She did all of the remaining tests today : 24 - hour uterine , last blood test , ekg , chest x - ray . We could know something this week . Hope it 's a good something . Spoke to my donor this week . She 's going to do the last test today . This could happen soon . So , I had my arm worked on Friday . The bleeding was better on Saturday . But . . . Tuesday after my treatment I bled for TWO HOURS ! I 'm so frustrated . Getting it worked on again tomorrow . Lovely . I had my arm worked on today . At the beginning I could feel everything they were doing . I could even feel the warm blood running down my arm . I was so uncomfortable . But when I started flapping my other arm , they got the idea . It wasn 't long before they gave me a sedative and I guess I fell asleep . I say , " I guess " because I can never remeber what happens after they give me that medicine . I rememeber getting in the wheel chair after I was done . Then I remember asking for some crackers . I remember eating my crackers , drinking a Capri Sun and then getting dressed . They walked me out to Jason and he walked me to the car . I called my mom , I 'm told , but I don 't remember that converstaion . We had lunch , well I had breakfast , and then picked up my pain meds . I asked for something besides vicodin because it always makes me hyper and keeps me awake . I know , it 's weird cause it 's supposed to knock you out . I 'm not sure what this new medicine is called , but I was able to come home and take a nap . Even after having the angipolasy today , they can still use my arm at dialysis tomorrow . Wine TastingMy friend from high school had a brother who once had a liver transplant . I think I talked about him last year around this time . Her family is having a fundraiser for the Life Center who helped her family during his transplant . Last year they sent us a check to help us . . . we couldn 't believe it . And this year , they are doing it again . The party is on Saturday . We get to go this year , so that 's fun ! I can 't drink much wine , but it will be nice to see all of the people who are willing to help us out . Still waiting . . . My principal called the other day to talk about my plans for the year . I told him that I cannot predict when a transplant could happen . I tried really hard not to tell him who my potential donor is . I know she wants to be involved in telling school when the time comes . Hopefully the time will come soon . Not for me . Not now anyway . I 'm waiting to see how transplant works out . But one of the loud ladies came in on Tuesday saying she wants this to be her last week in the clinic . " Have you been training ? " a tech asked . " No , " she responded . I think the tech was afraid to tell her that it takes up to eight weeks of training before they let you dialyze at home . Plus , you have to be pretty responsible since you have to do it six days a week . She probably skips her treatment once a week . Not sure she 's such a great candidate . I do not want to be there when someone tells her that . Wow , she 's moving quickly now ! Anna just started crawling within the past month , and now she 's pulling herself up on everything she can get a grip on . And she 'll let go and try to stand on her own . She only lasts a second or two , but she 's trying hard ! One of the doctors mentioned the possibility of her needing braces on her legs if she 's not walking by the time she 's 15 months old . I think she 'll be fine . Funny Doctor StoryI met with my ob / gyn on Friday . It was the first check up I 've had with him since he sent me to the high - risk doctors . Here 's how our conversation went : " So , you 're getting pretty skinny . " " Yeah , they keep me pretty dry . " " What are you using for birth control ? " " Oh , I had my tubes tied . " " Thank goodness ! We were going to have to have a serious conversation about that ! " Duh ! My donor is still on vacations , two weeks in Canada . She 's going to do the last test soon , she promises . My arm is giving me problems again . It 's been bleeding long after I 'm taken off the machine . They say it could be a sign on stenosis of my arm . Not sure exactly what that means , but I might need to go to the Access Center to have it worked on again . It 's no big deal now that I 'm not in school . And Jason can bring me , so it 's no problem . I was very excited to find out that one of the loud ladies had her chair moved ! Ha , ha ! It 's been much easier to sleep . Today I got almost 3 hours of sleep . Good deal . Did I mention that I 'm going to be an Aunt ? Jason 's brother 's wife is due at any moment ! In fact , I 'm pretty sure she 's nearly dilated 6 inches . Any day now ! I 'm so excited ! In Between VacationsMy donor just finished on vacation and is on her way to Canada for two weeks . She called and said she promises to finish the testing as soon as she gets back . I hope so . . . On my last post I said that Anna wasn 't really crawling , just scooting . Well , now she is ! Like a crazy woman , too . She 's all over the place . It 's kind of hard to explain how she does it though . She sort of keeps one leg bent underneath her body and the other one is straight out behind her pushing off . It 's funny , but I 'm so glad she 's moving around . She 'll be one next month ! Sorry . . . I 'm not sure why I haven 't been posting . I guess it 's because I 'm not on my computer every day now that I 'm out of school . All that I have been doing is going to dialysis and going to the pool . Tough life , huh ? I 'm getting sun and getting rest . It 's still hard to get up at 5 : 15 on dialysis days . Alli has swimming lessons on Monday , Tuesday , Wednesday and Thursday . It 's nice to have Jason home so he can get her ready while I 'm at dialysis . We 'll often have Anna take a nap during swimming lessons and I can stay home with her and rest a bit . Then , it 's lunch and back to the pool ! Anna UpdateAnna is now almost 11 months old . I can 't believe she was born nearly a year ago ! She 's rolling around on the floor , but not really crawling . We have to keep an eye on her cause she can get from one end of the room to the other ! She will pull herself up onto her knees by holding on to a table or the couch . She is still really small . My mom asked if she 'll start taking regular milk instead of formula when she turns one . I 'm not really sure . Alli did , but I think Anna is still so small that she needs the extra calories . We 'll see . No , no donor update . My newest donor had her physical and met with the social worker . All is well . She has to do the 24 - hour urine test but she doesn 't want to do it until August . Then we will have to go to school to talk to the principal to tell him our plans . Today wasn 't good . I forgot my dialysis bag . And that meant no pillow , no blanket , and no headphones . They offered me a pillow and a sheet . The sheet was made of paper . It was better than nothing . But I couldn 't really block out the light . And having no headphones made the loud ladies even more annoying . They asked me again today if I would ever think of doing dialysis at home . If I do peritonial then I would not be able to swim because I 'd have a catheter . But I 'd be able to do it while I sleep . If I do hemo dialysis at home it would be 2 hours six days a week . I would have to sick myself , too . Not entirely sure how I feel about that . I told them I want to wait to see how things turn out with my latest donor . She gets her first tests done tomorrow . She said she would keep me posted . Woah , it 's been a while since I gained that much weight between treatments . I gained 3 . 5 kilos from Satruday to Tuesday . And I felt it during treatment . My muscles and joints ached the whole time . I just wanted to get off the machine . When I got home I had to bring the girls to swimming lessons . That was tough because I was worn out ! After that I slept for a couple of hours , and honestly could have slept even more . I was counting down the hours until bedtime . And , I guess I was wrong about the loud lady . She 's back . And she 's louder than ever . Terrible . It 's not what you think . . . nothing more to do with transplant at this time . . . But , one of the loud ladies has been moved . Not just moved to another chair , to another time or place all together ! She was not there on Saturday and I slept nearly the whole ! Wow , that makes it much easier . I called the hospital this morning . She said calls are in to my final donor . She also said that we can get all of the testing done in two days . We 'll see . Even if we do get the tests done that quickly , my donor doesn 't want to do the surgery until August . She has two vacations planned for July . Fine by me . Well , my donor backed out . I don 't blame her , her doctors suggest she not go through with it . For medical reasons . But what pisses me off is that she told the transplant coordinator THREE WEEKS AGO ! And I had a back - up just sitting there ready to move forward . I 'm so angry ! So I guess all I can do is call her EVERY DAY until we get this last chance moving . This year more than ever I 'm so excited for summer to be here . Last summer was dreadful . The three before that I was in class every day . So , for the first time in four years I 'll actually have a " relaxing " summer . Of course , I will still have dialysis three days a week . That is until I have surgery , if I do . That would really put a hamper on my " relaxing " summer , I guess . But I 'll take it , for sure ! Today is Tuesday , and my next dialysis day is Thursday . And that ( should be ) the last day that I have dialysis and then school . We 're officially done with school on Friday , and I can 't wait ! I suppose that I might have to do dialysis again in the fall when I start back to school . But things still seem to be moving forward for the transplant . I haven 't heard from my donor in a while , but the last time we were in touch she said she 's still on board . And I keep getting bills for her appointments . Still waiting , and staying hopeful . School is almost out . Just one week to go . I would love to have surgery sometime soon , but I 'm still waiting to hear . I feel terrible bugging my donor , but I 'm so out of the loop . I want to email her again . Is that bad ? So , my phosphorus is high again . It 's got to be one of two things . . . 1 . The protein shakes I 've been drinking . Anything with protein has phosphorus . I need to take extra binders when I drink them . or2 . It could be the several days when I had 5 bowls of Honey Combs each day . Yeah , that could be a problem . I have to watch it for the next couple of days or the doctor may want to add my 15 minutes back on . I guess it 's not that big of a deal since school will be out soon . I won 't have to rush around to get home and back to school . Remember when we were young - er and we could eat whatever we wanted ? I miss that . I got my new seat today and it is a little bit closer to the loud ladies . And they were loud again today . But , the good news is that I can 't see the other lady that picks her nose . I guess that 's good . I 've realized that the reason I 'm getting so frustrated with the progress of the transplant is because I 'm not in control of what happens . I hate that . I feel like I need to know where the kids are going to be when I 'm recovering and I need to plan meals for the family while I 'm in the hospital . I 'm a planner . . . in case you didn 't know . Since my time was reduced by 15 minutes it apparently messes up the schedule at dialysis . So I 'm getting moved to another chair . It will still be one chair away from the loud ladies , but away from the lady who talks to herself . Could work out . My donor was supposed to meet with a social worker last week but the social worker had to reschedule . It seems like nobody is really in a hurry to get us in and checked out . I never got my hopes up this time . . . but they are starting to fall . One year ago . . . I was sick . Really sick . I was in the hospital on May 13th and started dialysis on May 14th . One year ago . . . We weren 't sure what was going to happen to Anna . Honestly , we didn 't think she was going to make it . One year ago . . . Jason told my parents I was dying . I guess I was . One year ago . . . My life changed . It will never be the same . One year ago . . . they saved me . " Happy " Anniversary . I was let off the machine 15 minutes early today . It was great ! I had time to get home , shower , stop and get lunch , and still get to school to make copies and finish my plans for the day . It was great and I feel alot more relaxed . We finished up transfering the title to my Cavalier to the lady on our street . It 's nice to have a bigger vehicle . I met with my nephrologist today . He was happy with my blood pressure , to a certain extent . We made one medication correction . He was even HAPPIER with my phosphorus levels . So , I asked him how much a milk shake would change my phosphorus levels . He said he 'd never admit that he said it , but I can have a milk shake as long as I take a couple extra pills . I just can 't do it all the time . Guess what I did on the way home . . . got a malt ! Yep , it was delicious . And he also reduced my time by 15 minutes . An eternity ! I spoke to three Anatomy classes yesterday because they are learning about the kidneys . It was great ! They asked so many great questions and I let them feel my arm . It was the talk of the town ! It 's cool to be able to tell my story and think that someone may be learning something . Maybe they 'll become organ donors . Saturday was uneventful . Not much happened during dialysis . . . but we bought an SUV afterwards ! We got a good deal and since we sold my Cavalier it ends up working out well for us ! The ladies at the end of the row were pretty quiet today . Not so bad . And the lady next to me that normally talks in her sleep wasn 't too bad , either . But then when the nurse was unpacking a box the lady on the other side of me was so excited to see that there was bubble wrap in each box . She asked for the wrap since it was getting thrown away . . . And instead of taking it home she started popping it ! Each and every bubble . . . pop ! Pop ! Are you kidding ? So , as I left diaylsis yesterday a lady yelled out , " You didn 't get a kidney yet ? " I turned around and looked at her , thinking " If I did , would I be here ? " I guess I looked at her funny because she said , " You don 't remember me , do you ? " I didn 't . It was a lady from Good Sam Dialysis who apparently transfered to Delhi Davita . She asked how the baby is . . . very nice . I still can 't remember her from the hospital . I keep trying to think of each chair , but I just can 't remember . I 'm usually pretty good at that . Maybe dialysis sucks your brain out , too . . . Jason 's night job is over . It was a two week deal . . . they finished grading all of the tests . They will probably ask him to start again soon for another project . Although we can use the money , I hope he says no . The money isn 't worth the stress I 've been feeling . But today we have no plans , so I think I get to take a nap ! The girls spent the night at my mom and dad 's last night so Jason and I could go to a Reds game with my cousin . It was fun . . . cold . . . but we had a good time . I can 't wait to see the girls this morning ! Not much new to report . We 're really busy at home since Jason is working a long - term sub job and a test grading job at night . He 's home after 10 : 00pm , so I 've been doing it almost all alone . I 'm tired . . . I got an email from my match today . Her first appointment went well . . . 100 % healthy ! Our coordinator is supposed to call her about setting up the rest of the appointments . But my match is in Boston visiting her newborn nephew . Lucky her ! The Nurse Practitioner stopped by today . She 's going to check my labs on Thursday one more time and if they look good then she 'll reduce my time by 15 minutes ! I never thought 15 minutes would mean so much . I was on break last week and I realized that meant I didn 't have my computer with me all week . So , I 'm sorry I haven 't updated my blog as much as many of you would like ( Dad ) . Things are going well . I 'm going to get in touch with my match today to see how things are going . If she 's having any doubts I 'm going to ask her to let me know so that my OTHER match can start getting the rest of the testing going . We 'll see ! The girls are great . . . Anna had a couple of doctors appointments last week . Her developement is that of a 6 - 7 month old ( she 's chronologically 8 months old , so we 're okay with that ) . Her ears and eyes are great . They did mention that her ankles bend a little more than they are supposed to . So we go back in 9 months and if she 's not walking by then she might need some short braces on her legs . Nothing to worry about right now . Jason 's doing great with his " diet . " He says he 's lost about 25 pounds since we found out abou his diabetes . Good deal . . . he looks great . That , and getting contacts and he 's a whole different person ! First time for everything . Expect some typos ! Things have been going well lately , I guess . I have felt weak this week . It 's kind of unexpected because I didn 't have to work this week . I was sick to my stomach on Tuesday . I felt much better after I threw up . I think I just need to make sure I eat when I get home . Sometimes I get a headache that makes me feel sick and eating helps . Tomorrow is Easter and my phosphorus had been good enough that I think I can eat a Reece 's peanut butter egg . I can 't wait ! My labs came back today and they were really good ! My phosphorus is 3 . 6 . It needs to be below 5 . . . yes ! I told them I was going to go home and eat some ice cream . They suggested I not do that . Dang . I heard today that if your phosphorus is too high then certain parts of your body could turn black and fall off . Yikes ! I saw pictures of toes falling off , but the nurse was talking about female and male body parts falling off . Yowzers ! Yesterday after school was terrible . I had the worst headache ever ! I 'm not exactly sure what makes a headache a migraine , but it was a bad one . I threw up after school . . . thank goodness the garbage can was there . I had a rough time getting home . I almost pulled over . I was sweaty and cold at the same time . . . wonderful combination . And when I got home it was even worse . I took some advil and checked my blood pressure . It was a little high , so I took some BP meds . About 45 minutes later I was able to get a little nap in and I felt 100 times better . I took the girls to get pictures taken ( so cute ) and at dinner like normal . I even had dessert . Today I was moved over one chair . And it was so peaceful ! Plus , the doctor said that we can talk about reducing my time if I can keep my phosphorus down . It was down this week , so yay ! So , I made a comment on Saturday about how loud the ladies next to me are . And my nurse agreed . She said she 's thinking about moving them , but it would be easier to move me . I 'd only go over one chair , but it would at least be another 5 feet away . I jumped at that idea . But if there 's another chair that opens up across the room , sign me up ! I 've started to NOT bring my computer with me to dialysis . It 's becoming more of a hassel . So if you don 't see a blog post immediatly on Tuesday , Thursday or Saturday , it 's not because something went wrong . I 'll get to posting shortly after I get off . Today was not a good dialysis day . I felt crummy , but I figured out that was because I didn 't ' take my steroid this morning . And then the ladies next to me were incredibly loud again . I can 't stand it ! And another lady turns her TV up as loud as possible . Grr . . . But today I am officially on the kidney transplant list ! I got confirmation from our transplant coordinator this morning . Yeah ! This week I 've been noticing that I 'm having muscle twitches . It doesn 't happen when I 'm up and walking around , but when I 'm sitting or laying down . They think it 's my potassium . They told me to go to the ER if it doesn 't get better . But in the meantime they changed my potassium bath so that less potassium is removed from my blood . I think I might eat a banana . Since we left for Cleveland on Friday , I went Saturday , Sunday and Monday with a treatment . I gained 3 . 2 kilos ( 7 - ish pounds ) . So today 's treatment was harder than usual . But my blood pressure was really good the whole time . Nice . Sorry I didn 't blog on Saturday . I actually was dialyzed on Friday night , instead . We went to Cleveland for the weekend . . . But Thursday night was eventful to say the least . I had a nose bleed that started at 8 : 30 pm . I have never seen so much blood come out of a persons nose or mouth . It was disgusting ! By 10 : 00 I was getting pretty scared , so I called my mom to come back to the house and stay with the girls while Jason took me to the ER . They actually took me in pretty quickly . I think it 's because I had just sprayed blood all over the public restroom . About a half - hour after I got a room the doctor came in to try to get the bleeding to stop . Do you know what they use to make noses stop bleeding ? A mixture of Afrin nose spray and . . . COCAINE ! Seriously , the bottle said " cocaine " and I just joked about it . But the doctor said , " Yep , it 's the real thing . " It apparently constricts the blood vessels and make the bleeding stop . It also numbed my nose and lips a bit . But that wasn 't the worst part . After another hour he decided to " pack " my nose . I thought he 'd just shove some cotton up my nostril , but he had another idea . A " rhino - rocket . " Sounds cool . Hurts like hell . It 's a plastic balloon that gets stuck in your nose ( I swear it almost touched my brain ) . Then they pump air into it to put pressure on the vessel that is bleeding . You should also know that a large hard plastic tube hangs out of the nose and is taped to the side of your face . Uh huh . Attractive . Needless to say , the doctor told me to stay home from school on Friday . Another unpaid day . But it hurt so bad and I 'm not sure I could have made it though the day if I did go . The pain meds are all fine and dandy , but they usually just make me feel drunk . . . and still in pain . Today both of the blind patients were dropped off at the same time , and left outside the front door . The door was locked so the driver just left them there . Nice . Then , the one new nurse that I think I 've blogged about before , started to walk one of them to his chair . BUT , he picked the wrong blind guy and took him to the wrong chair . No big deal , right ? Wrong ! We reuse our filters , so he could have been hooked up to someone elses machine and used someone elses filter ! Could you imagine ? ! And , finally , when I left the building today the driver had parked his big bus in front of my car so I couldn 't get out . I 'm starting to get really upset about it , too . Ugh . So , I just got an email from the girl from high school . She 's the better match ! They also called my friend that I work with and said that she 's still a possiblity , but she 'll be my backup . This might really happen ! I will have less say in when we do the surgery now that the donor is not a teacher . But , hell , I don 't care when we do it ! It 's totally her call . I almost got in a fight with a driver today . He 's a driver from a private company that drives one of the blind dialysis patients . He drives a small bus and instead of parking in one of the three handicapped parking places he parked in all three ! So , I just parked in the first available regular spot and there was plenty of room for him to get out . He came out wagging his finger at me and telling me that I needed to move . " No , no . You realize that you 're the one in the wrong , right ? " I asked . " The man is blind ! " he responded . " Yes , " I said , " but you 're not . Pick one parking spot next time . " Disprespectful . Why can 't everyone think of other people before they do things ? I got a text from Martha yesterday . A girl I went to high school with got tested without telling me . And she 's a match . I seriously haven 't seen her since graduation . I can 't believe it . And the lady from work who got tested told me today that she 's a match , too ! They are going to Christ on Tuesday to see who is a better match . Then they 'll continue the testing that Jason went through . When the Reds went to the World Series in 1990 , all my dad could say to me was , " Don 't get your hopes up , kid . " Heh . . . I know surgeons are busy , but a meeting set for 1 : 00 shouldn 't begin at 2 : 15 and last only 5 minutes . . . Anyway , it was a good meeting . On Tuesday of next week my files will be brought to the kidney transplant forum . That 's a group of all of the kidney doctors at Christ . They will look over my information and then decide to put my name on the list . They say there is NO reason why they wouldn 't approve it . Yes ! They are reluctant to put you on the list if you haven 't tried to find your own donor . But she told me that she has had to rule out 16 people who want to give me a kidney . Sixteen people ! I think I know of 7 people . If you sent in paperwork , Thank you ! So , the list doesn 't work the way I thought . There are 241 people on the list for a kidney in the region . But I 'm not " on the bottom . " If they find a kidney that 's a perfect match for me , then I get it . It could be 10 years or 10 minutes . I could get a call any time after Tuesday . I will have to get a new phone , though . We currently have Cincinnati Bell and the service is terrible . We don 't get service at home or in many places at school . I hear Verizon is good . . . and I need my phone to be working all the time just in case I get THE CALL . Not sure what it was last night , but I kept waking myself up snoring . I know I snore , but it usually means I 'm sleeping sound . I guess it could have been my sinuses , so I took some sinus medicine . That was midnight . Didn 't get back to sleep . My sinuses were better ! We meet with the surgeon today . I asked Jason to come with me . Hopefully we 'll leave today knowing that we 're moving forward in one direction . Still waiting on word about the other possible match . Prayers . My protein level is low and has been since I was pregnant . I don 't eat enough meat and I 'm not allowed to eat beans or nuts because of the phosphorus . So I bought some protein powder the other day . I can 't have chocolate so I bought vanilla . It is TERRIBLE ! I 've been drinking it when I take my pills since I have to chug it anyway . Ugh . I 'm going to try to mix it in a cold coffee drink . We 'll see . Still no word on a possible match . Should be hearing soon . And Tuesday I meet with the surgeon to officially get me on the cadaver list . It could take a while , like years , to get a call that they 've found me a kidney . But , it could be quick too . You never know . Can you imaging getting THAT phone call ? Okay , so there 's this lady who comes in every day in a Buick and has the music turned up so loud . It 's terrible and the language is terrible and it just makes me mad . But this week I 've noticed that EVERY time I look at her she 's picking her nose . Ugh ! She 's so gross . That 's one way to keep others from waking me up . I haven 't tried headphones in a while because when I first started here they didn 't work for some reason . Git a set today that work and I 'm ready for a good nap ! Anna has spent the past four nights sleeping in her bed instead of in our room . And the past two mornings when we left the house she was still asleep . Once we get her in there and settled down ( around 8 : 30 ) she doesn 't wake up until morning . Alli was a good sleeper , too . Guess we 're lucky . I 'm starting to get annoyed my Ms . T . Everyday we 're here she tells me how the cost of her medications have gone up . That 's after she asks me if I 've ever heard of cancer of the sinuses . That 's how her husband " recently " died . . . in 1981 . But she 's not as annoying as the LOUD lady two away from me . She never shuts up . And nobody listens to her ! She 's just yelling at the TV or something . And if she calls someone one her cell phone she 's even louder . She comes in after I do , so I try to get to sleep before she comes in . But she ALWAYS wakes me up . I think that is so disrespectful . My blood pressure has settled down since the weekend . I 've been taking my blood pressure before I decide if I need to take a pill or not . I 'm an expert at self - medication . I think I 'm having a Sjogren 's flare . I had some itchy spots on my face and I felt tired and achy . I took some more of my steroid to counter act the symptoms . Queen of self - medication . I dialyzed on Friday evening and Saturday morning . Yikes ! But on Friday my blood pressure was out of control . . . 223 over something not good . So , the doctor on call decided to have me increase one of my meds . I was taking 1 pill twice a day . He wanted me to take 2 pills three times a day . Okay . It worked , I guess . My pressure came down . It really came down . At one point it was 75 / 53 . Not good . And if you 've ever had your blood pressure drop like that , I 'm sorry . It 's the worst feeling in the world . I woke up at 4 am on Sunday sweating , freezing , cramping , achy . . . misserable . I took some ibuprofen , put on a sweatshirt , and Jason got me two extra blankets . It wasn 't until I raised my feet that I felt the blood start rushing back to my heart and I felt better . From then on I 've been taking my blood pressure and medicating accordingly . It hasn 't been that high , so I om only taking one of those pills 2 or 3 times a day . I 'll be talking to a doctor today . They tried to get me on in Western Hills and in White Oak yesterday since the hot water heater was broken . But , no such luck . I didn 't get on at all yesterday . But I 'm on now . I gained alot since its a day longer than usual . I gained 3 . 6 kilos . And I gain it all in my face . . . so it 's HUGE ! They won 't get all of the weight off today , but that 's okay . I 'm coming back for my regular treatment tomorrow morning . Yep , I 'm done here at 7 : 00 pm and I 'm back again at 6 : 00 am . But at least I 'll be clean , right ? I 'm thinking I should be able to have a malt tonight since it 'll just come off tomorrow . I 'm not sure the nurses would agree with my reasoning . UDF is calling my name ! We 're in the lobby of DaVita . Something 's wrong with the water heat or something . They need warm water to make the bicarbonate . Without bicarbonate we 'll get sick . So , we 're waiting for the water to heat up and we 're getting on really late . They said we can decide to stay on the whole time or get off at our regular time . I 'll have to get off at the regular time so I can get to work . Food , Glorious FoodWhile we 're waiting , we 're talking about food that we miss . It 's making me hungry . . . and making me want a big glass of milk . The rest of the stuff they 're talking about I can do without . But the milk is what I miss . And I 've been really good about it lately . . . my phosphorus level was finally " good . " Not just " better , " it was GOOD ! How about that ? What is normal ? Nothing in my life has been normal lately . But , apparently my foot x - ray is normal . That must mean I have " the gout . " Heh heh . How many 33 - year - old women do you know with gout ? How many 33 - year - olds do you know with kidney disease ? Lord . Party Time , ExcellentAlli turned 6 yesterday . Six years since my life changed . . . for the better . We had a party for her on Sunday . She and her friends had a great time . I guess I had a good time , too , because I gained alot more weight than usual . I gained 3 . 3 kilos ( 7 . 26 lbs ) . I 'm expecting a tough treatment today . But I finally remembered to bring a larger blanket today , so that will help . During a rough treatment my blood pressure will drop and I 'll get really cold . The blanket will help . Gout is the build up of uric acid in your joints . People with kidney disease are susceptible because our kidneys can 't flush out the uric acid . It 's a type of arthritis that can be treated by anti - inflammatory drugs . I might have gout . We aren 't sure yet . The doctor took some blood to check my uric acid level . He gave me a prescription to get an x - ray and has me on a steroid . I 'm getting the x - ray after treatment today . I hope the steroid makes me hungry ! I 'd love to gain some weight . Yesterday was my birthday , so we had to break a few rules . Jason and I ate really well all day so we could eat bad at dinner . We went to PF Chan 's and I had TWO iced teas . I also had the world 's largest chocolate cake ! I 'm not supposed to eat chocolate and he can 't have sugar . Oh , well . Looking BetterMy catheter sight looks pretty nasty , but it 's getting better I guess . They told me on Tuesday that they 've never seen anyone bruise like I did . Yeah , well that 's how things have been going for me lately . Oh , LadyThe lady across the room , the screamer , is in quite a mood today . There are two people holding down her left arm while a third person gets her needles in the right . She lives in a nursing home and they won 't help put the numbing cream on her . Sad . My FootPile it on ! What else could go wrong ? How about my foot ? It hurts like crazy and I 'm not sure why . It 's in one particular spot on the top of my foot and it feels like it did when I had the stress fracture a couple of years ago . Guess I 'll go get an x - ray . I had some blood drawn yesterday for another possible match . We should hear something in three weeks . Another New MedicationEveryone seems baffled at my blood pressure . This morning it was 190 / 110 . And I 'm already on three BP meds ! So , today I start another . This one is a diuretic . I 'm not sure how it works , but I 'm anxious to see if it will make me pee . I finally had my catheter removed yesterday . I had to take a day off of work , but I got to bring Alli to school and pick her up . I was told I could drive myself to the Access Center . They would not put me under , just numb the entrance site . I was so nervous . The catheter goes all of the way into my heart ! So , the doctor numbed it and the shots hurt . I didn 't feel the actual removal of the catheter , but it had been in for so long that the tissue around it had attached itself directly to the catheter . So the doctor had to do alot of cutting and snipping . He said the site usually doesn 't heal really nice . It 's usually an ugly scar . But he said he 'd do a bit of plastic surgery to " keep [ me ] looking pretty . " They don 't normally worry about it with their elderly patients . But all the pulling and snipping left me in pain . I had a hard time sleeping because I couldn 't get comfortable . Hopefully the pain won 't last long . Tylenol is crap . Another person from school is getting tested . We both have appointments on Monday for the initial test . This is the one that takes 3 weeks or so to get the results . I 'd like to think that if I had a FAMILY member in this situation that I 'd step up and get tested . But I guess you never know until you are faced with the decision yourself . . . Starting to feel sorry for myself again . Things were looking so good . Well , he 's diabetic . It 's for sure . Jason has to take medicine two times a day to help increase his insulin levels . No shots . We 'll keep an eye on his blood pressure and cholesterol , too . Apparently people with diabetes usually die of heart disease . But as of right now his blood pressure is great . He had an EKG last week and that was good . The last time he had his cholesterol checked it was great , too . So we 'll just count our blessings that we caught it early , before he had any symptoms . Remember how I said that Anna saved my life ? Guess that makes two of us . Angel . Jason sees the doctor today . He had to fast after 9 : 00 last night . We had a BIG dinner . He 's nervous , so am I . I think he still wants to donate . He said he 's going to " fix " the diabetes and then donate . Don 't think it works that way . I thought I was here on the wrong day today . There were extra cars in the lot when I pulled up . And there was a lady being brought in on a bed which doesn 't normally happen . Then another woman walked in and I didn 't recognize her . I finally saw Ms . T , so I came in . It turns out that Ms . Haddie has been in the hospital for two weeks and just returned today . She was in a bed because she needs some physical therapy to get her strength back . The other woman was her daughter . She came in to get Ms . Haddie set up and to feed her some yogurt . Ms . Haddie is 89 years old . Heart DayYesterday I had an echo of my heart . How appropriate since it was " heart day . " Results to come soon . Jason made an appointment to see our family doctor on Tuesday morning . They told him to fast for 12 hours , but he doesn 't have to do a 3 - hour test this time . I suppose he may have to do another one of those if this test comes back positive . I 'm relieved that he 's going to get this figured out . Moving ForwardNow that we 're starting the donor search over , I 'm going to talk to my doctor about home dialysis . If we do the one that I want to do , it would require another surgery to get a catheter placed in my abdomen . But then I could just hook up to a machine and dialyze while I sleep . I would do it every night , but at least I could lead a pretty normal daytime life . DietIf Jason really is diabetic then he 'll need to change his diet . I 've decided that if you take all of the things that I can eat and line them up next to all the things he can eat . . . you 'll find very few matches . We may never eat a common meal again . Great . Jason has diabetes . The results weren 't even close to normal . We don 't know if it 's type 1 ore type 2 . He needs to see our regular doctor to figure that out . The nurses here aren 't convinced that the labs ran the test correctly . One suggests that he has the test run again . He has had no symptoms and no family history and he 's not obese . I need him to get this figured out so that the girls will have one healthy parent . I 'm worried about him . This was a deal - breaker . Grrr ! No news yet . Jason isn 't used to getting tests done , so he didn 't ask how long we 'd have to wait . He said he 'd call later today . We 'll see what they say . Run - DownWith bigger needles comes faster blood flow . And when I left on Tuesday I felt terrible . My blood was getting cleaned faster than normal . It really wore me out . They lowered the flow today because I said something about how bad I felt . The nurses can 't believe I can go at a flow of 450 for 4 hours . I 'm just so tiny ! We 're using the largest needles today and the highest blood flow . It 's going well so far ! And the head nurse said , " Let 's give it a week then we 'll get your catheter out . " Super ! I can 't wait ! Anna has started grabbing it if I 'm wearing a tank top . The last thing I need is for her to pull it out . Could you imagine ? Jason 's TestsI feel terrible . He had to go through alot . On Sunday he collected his urine . On Monday he had to fast before going to the hospital . His tests started at 8 am , so he wasn 't too worried about getting hungry . That is until they told him he had to do the 3 hour glucose test . Those of us who have been pregnant may know what I 'm talking about . You have to drink this orange yucky sweet stuff and get your blood taken every half hour for 3 hours . I wouldn 't normally feel sorry for him since I had to do the test when I was pregnant with Alli , but he is doing all of this for me . That 's love . Jason also had an EKG ( which was normal ) and a chest x - ray . I suppose this is it . The sugar test is going to be the one to wait for and then we 'll know . More waiting . I know it 's not a dialysis day , but I started to compile a list of foods that I miss . I thought I 'd share it . We can call it my " MUST Have After Surgery " list . Here goes : 1 . Chocolate Malt from UDF2 . Coke3 . Peanuts4 . Sharp Cheddar Cheese on Crackers5 . Milk6 . Yogurt7 . Snickers8 . Beer9 . PizzaThese are all of the things that are terrible for me and that I 'm avoiding . I miss them . Ms . T is about 600 years old . But today she offered to help in any way we need when we have surgery . So nice . She won 't stop talking to me today . She 's half way across the room and doesn 't talk that loud , so I 'm just nodding and smiling . I hope she goes to sleep soon . Latest AppointmentMy appointment on Thursday was with my kidney doctor . He got a call from my cardiologist and that 's why he wanted to see me right away . My blood pressure is out of control and it 's putting a strain on my heart . So he decided to double one of my current medications and we have a plan if it doesn 't improve in the next 10 days . We 'll double it one more time and then we 'll add another medication if that doesn 't work in another 10 days . That would be my 4th blood pressure medication . Before May my blood pressure had always been normal to low . It 's crazy what broken kidneys can do to your body . Guest SpeakerOne of the science teachers at school mentioned in passing that he 'd like me to come talk to his classes when he teaches about kidneys . I have to find out what he wants me to talk about . Does he want me to tell my story or have a Power Point and " teach " about kidney function ? Should be fun , though . Well , it couldn 't be easy for us . Jason 's physical was generally fine , but there was a possible issue . They found glucose in his urine . So that could mean one of two things : It could be no big deal , or it could mean he has diabetes . They say that a urine test for diabetes isn 't a very good test , so on Monday he has to fast before going in for his other tests and they will draw some blood . Until then we just sit and worry about him . He has no other symptoms of diabetes . And , yes , if he 's diabetic it 's a deal breaker . We start the search over again . To The DoctorMy kidney doctor 's office called this week to set up an appointment . No big deal , right ? But his assistant said I need to come in TODAY . She said he 's worried about my blood pressure . . . and probably about my weight , too . I 'm worried now . So today I get off of dialysis , go to work for two classes and have a friend cover my 7th bell so I can get to his office by 2 : 45 . Crazy day . Yep , we 're using bigger needles today . I was afraid they would hurt , but I guess I did an okay job with my cream . Plus , the lady across the unit didn 't show up today . So , no screaming . That 's always nice . And since the needles are larger they can set my blood flow higher . That means my blood will get cleaner faster and maybe my time can get cut down . That would be amazing ! It 's a good thing that at least one person didn 't show up today . When I pulled in there was only one car here , so I knew they were short staffed . They took us in late because several techs said they couldn 't make it in . I didn 't think the roads were that bad , but school is on a 2 - hour delay . PhysicalJason gets a physical today . It 's with a nurse practitioner at the Kidney and Hypertension Center . She happens to be my nephrologist 's wife . Jason has never had a female doctor before , so he 's a little nervous . But he 'll be fine . I saw my cardiologist yesterday . Before I even walked in her office she said , " You 're too skinny . Are you okay ? " Finally ! It 's about time someone noticed . I told her that the doctors here want to keep lowering my dry weight because my blood pressure is high . She is worried that I 'm so dry that my heart rate is elevated . She prescribed another blood pressure medicine and called the kidney doctors to yell at them for drying me out so much . She used the words " dry as a prune . " Nice image . I 'm still on 17 - gauge needles . But on Tuesday they will use 16 - and next week 15 - . As the needle gets bigger I will get a better treatment because the blood can flow faster . And once we get to the biggest needles they will take my catheter out . I can 't wait ! The other day Alli woke up and said , " Mama , I hope nobody else in our family needs to have tubes in them . " Sick Mom . She also said that I have to go to the hospital alot . Sick Mom . Jason went to Christ yesterday to meet with the social worker . I was so nervous , and I think he was , too . But it went great ! He said he " passed . " He answered questions about his medical history , his family 's medical history and our jobs and support system . He told her that almost all of our friends are teachers or stay at home moms , so we 'll have a ton of support as we recover . We 'll need help vacuuming and doing laundry . We won 't be able to lift anything for a while . But we 'll get through it with help . The next step is a physical with a physician 's assistant on Tuesday . Then he has to do a 24 - hour urine collection on Super Bowl Sunday . Yes , he 's allowed to drink beer , he just has to drink alot of water , too . He 'll bring his sample to the hospital the next day and will have his EKG and an ultrasound . Then we set a date ! I 'm still having a hard time believing this is really happening . Now We 're Cussing , TooIt 's normal for the lady across the room to scream when they stick her . But today she must be in a particularly bad mood . Cause when they tried to stick her this morning she did more than just yell . She was cursing like a sailor . " I wish you 'd stop this s * * t , " she yelled . " Stop , you MFer ! " Yikes ! Lowering My WeightIf you 've seen me lately you 'd wonder what they are doing to me . Lowering my weight ? I already look like a twig . But my blood pressure is still high and they think it 's because I have too much fluid on . So they are bringing me down another kilo to 56 . 5 ( about 124 pounds ) . I may shrivel away before we have the surgery ! I meet with my cardiologist tomorrow , so maybe she 'll adjust my meds so that I can keep some extra weight on . We 've got two of them today . The lady across the Unit always screams . But today , Ms . T was screaming . Her arm clotted on Saturday so she got to go home . Nice , but today 's treatment will probably be hard for her . She said she had to go to the Access Center to have her arm worked on and she was afraid to use her cream this morning . I would have called to make sure I could use it . She uses much larger needles than I do , too . Yowzers ! Jason to ChristTomorrow is a big day for Jason , and me . He goes to the hospital to meet with the social worker . I 'm afraid they are going to try to talk him out of it . He 's afraid that his humor will make them think he 's not serious . Like when he says he 's only going to do it so he doesn 't have to buy me a Christmas gift EVER again . Big GainI gained 2 . 9 kilos this weekend , almost 6 . 5 pounds . We did alot of work around the house this weekend , and I guess I drank alot of water when I was tired and worn out . We took down wall paper . . . I should have had something stronger than water ! Getting stuck this morning was not as nice as Tuesday . I guess they missed the exact spot where I put the cream . And then it wouldn 't start right so she had to dig a little . But I 'm still alive . Jason got a call yesterday about setting up an appointment with the nephrologist . He has to have a physical to move forward with the transplant process . Yay ! We 're moving forward . Snow Day ! I walked in and decided to tell the tech that the doctor wants to use my arm . No use delaying the inevitable . And I remembered my cream today , so I guess it 's time . But as soon as we started the discussion the lady across the room screamed . Great . I made a face and everyone just giggled . Then another scream . Are you kidding ? Today ? The tech sticking her said not to worry . She screams just to be screaming . Fantastic . So , I got up about 15 minutes early to put my cream on . I have to wrap my arm in plastic wrap after it 's applied . Jason thinks that it helps it work better , but I think it 's just so it doesn 't get on my clothes . When she started feeling my arm I could tell it was numb . Promising , but I wondered how deep the numb was . " One , two , three , OUCH , " says the tech . But I didn 't feel it . Amazing ! Again , " One , two , three , OUCH . " Not a thing . I LOVE this cream ! It 's well worth getting up 15 minutes early . Uh , looks like someone is leaving . Not sure what 's going on , but a patient who is normally here with me is packing up . Weird . It 's a day after a weekend , so she really needs to be here . But what do I know . I gained 2 . 5 kilos this weekend . That 's the most I gain . I was super thirsty yesterday . Last time I gained this much I had a tough treatment . Good thing the kids are taking tests today . I might need a rest . Here we go . The doctor didn 't know that I have a fistula . I guess I did a good job of hiding it . . . I hate getting stuck . But , he figured it out and now he wants to start using it again . Dang it ! But he might need to send me to the Access Center again to have it cleaned up . I don 't know why . It seems that every time they " balloon " it the pressure is still high the very next day . Today I walked in and they had the needles ready to go . But I didn 't put my numbing cream on this morning . I didn 't want to sound like the lady across the way , so I talked them into using my catheter one more time . On Tuesday I 'll put the cream on before I get here . But they tell me I should put it on about and hour before I get here . Problem is I only get up half an hour before I 'm supposed to be here . Guess I need to start getting up earlier . Maybe I could sit and eat breakfast in the morning . Might be nice . They just drew some labs on me again today . It looked like the normal amount . But the tech who drew them said she hasn 't drawn this many labs in years . Really ? I guess I 'm still a special case . Who would have thought ? Snow DayWe did end up being cancelled on Tuesday . Jason lost his sub job that day . But we ended up ahead because I didn 't have to take my half - day . I guess my half - day is worth more than his full day . Jason 's been working every day since he stopped student teaching . Thank goodness ! We like having two incomes again . Now 's the time for him to start looking for a job for next year . That would be another prayer answered . He probably won 't be able to interview during the summer if we have the surgery , so the sooner the better . TTSApparently the Tuesday , Thursday , Saturday group is generally an odd group of people . A tech on Tuesday told me that they aren 't all like me . She said that the MWF people are usually more interested in their care and have jobs . I always thought there was a pretty odd group here with me . Forgot ? I think someone forgot her numbing cream this morning . We all have a prescription for cream to put on our arms so that when they stick us it doesn 't hurt so bad . But this morning one of the patients was screaming when she was being stuck . Yikes ! I 'm glad they are still running me on my catheter . It 's supposed to be dangerous to keep a catheter for this long . But I haven 't had an infection , so they aren 't really against keeping it until we have the surgery . I can 't wait to get it out . A 2 - hour delay without a flake on the ground . Interesting . They say the snow is coming and will be falling around 9 : 00 , when we should be coming in to school . I bet we 'll be closed . We 'll see . But if we 're not , I should be able to get into school without needing a sub . That means I should be able to save my 1 / 2 sick day . That would be nice . . . especially since I just figured out how much money I lose when I take a 1 / 2 day off . I think I 'd rather keep the delay because Jason has a sub job today . If we 're closed he doesn 't get paid . That would stink . The radar looks like a scary blue blob is coming our way . Insurance IssuesI 'm not sure what 's going on , but recently I 've been having insurance issues . They say they aren 't going to pay for our trip to Gatlinburg because it wasn 't pre - approved . Who 's fault is that ? Can anyone say BRENDA ? And I just got something in the mail saying they aren 't going to pay for the labs that were drawn on my first day here at DaVita . That 's another $ 2 , 300 . I 'm going to talk to the social worker here to see what she can do about fixing it for me . She seems to be a bit more competent than Brenda . We 'll see after this one . Puffy EyesI 've been waking up with really puffy eyes lately . When all of this started I was waking up the same way . I just took some extra anti - inflammatory medicine and called it a day . Then I read that kidney failure can cause puffy eyes . Great . I got an email from a friend whose step - dad got a kidney transplant and he said that the moment he woke up from the surgery the world was different , better . He felt great . Food tasted better . I 'm hoping so much that this is true for me . She also said that her mom , who donated the kidney , felt terrible for 2 or 3 weeks . I don 't want Jason to feel terrible , but it will only be for a short time . And I 'll feel great for a long time ! It 's a trade off , I guess . I don 't have much to report on today . Everyone at school is really excited for us . I 'm getting hugs and emails from people every day . Everyone questions when we 'll have the surgery and is excited to hear that it will ( hopefully ) be after the school year . Everyone here is really quiet today . It 's not like at the hospital where everyone was screaming and moaning . I am surprised by the number of patients who are brought in by " transportation " from nursing homes and such . I thought you 'd have to be more independent to come to a place like this . Good question . They told Jason that the next thing he had to do was meet with a social worker and get a physical with a nephrologist . I remember hearing something about an ultrasound and an EKG as well . The transplant coordinator said these appointments could all be done in one day . Then it 's just finding the date for the surgery . It 's supposed to move pretty fast from here on out . I can 't believe it ! Did I mention that I won the Mega Millions , too ? Yup . $ 4 to split with 5 other people . That 's 67 cents a person . How lucky am I ? They say luck comes in threes . What could possibly come next ? A snow day tomorrow ? Jason came into school today with a kidney - shaped note for me . It said , " I hear you 're looking for a kidney . Well , I have two good ones and they say we 're a match ! " Finally ! A prayer has been answered ! We haven 't had time to talk about our next step . . . but I 'm just so relieved . It 's unusual for a spouce to be a match , but someone up there is looking out for us . That 's been obvious from day one . I got sick right at the end of the school year , so I didn 't miss many days of work then . My mom 's job was eliminated , so she could start baby sitting for us . Anna came to us without a single health issue . Our insurance has been amazing . School has been amazing . I 'm being looked after , for sure . We 've said from the beginning that we would like to have the surgery in late May or early June so that I can recover over the summer . Of course , if the doctors think otherwise then they 'll make the call . If I can make it with dialysis until the summer then that 's what we 'd like to do . I don 't usually post on Wednesdays , but I thought this was deserving of a message . I 'm sure I 'll have more to say tomorrow after we go out to dinner to celebrate our good news ! Yay ! Yikes ! My alarm went off like usual , but I didn 't hear it I guess . I woke up 15 minutes late and almost didn 't make it in on time . They were waiting for me at 6 : 00 . I got on at 6 : 10 . Close CallOn Sunday they had to call the life squad for a patient . I 'm not quite sure what happened , but they all ran over to him when the alarm went off . Usually that means a person 's blood pressure dropped too low . The nurses and techs laid his chair back and were yelling at him to respond . They got no answer so they called 911 . By the time the squad got here he was fine and they were able to take their time getting him into the ambulance . Scary . Next To MeI 've been meaning to write about this lady for a while . She comes in a little after me every morning . She seems like a normal 40ish woman . But it 's what she watches on TV that 's got me thinking . . . She watches cartoons . And it 's not like she turns them on and then falls asleep . She watches Arthur , Martha Speaks , SpongeBob , and other cartoons that Alli watches . I 'm not judging , but . . . okay , I 'm judging . I don 't get it . Now I 'm starting to get nervous . Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since we started the testing . I 'm sure they didn 't work on Friday and Saturday , so I shouldn 't get all worked up . But part of me is thinking they have bad news and they are afraid to call us . I 'm sure they have no emotions about it either way and that can 't be the reason they aren 't calling . We 'll just keep waiting and calling . I felt like I drank alot of water and pop this weekend with the holiday . But my weight was good . My stomach is still feeling a little bad , so I guess that 's why . Slow Day , I GuessI supposes she has nothing else to do . The nurse that put me on today is now on the computer , Googling things . Apparently the words like " BFF " , " Ah - ha Moment " , and " Facebook " as a verb have been banned . By who , I 'm not sure . And Fargo , North Dakota is the drunkest city in America . If I lived in Fargo I 'd drink , too . It kind of reminds me of the day that Anna was born . I was in the operating room with my epidural when they told us there was an emergency and we 'd have to wait a bit . So , while we waited Jason and the nurses Googled Pez Dispensers . Yep , I 'm strapped down and they were trying to find which real people were made into Pez Dispensers . I was livid ! Back To SchoolIt was a nice break , I guess . There was really only one day when we didn 't have anything planned . It was Wednesday and that was the day we were sick . So it was busy . I 'm hoping going back to work won 't be stressful . I need another break ! |
As summer winds down and I know I should be putting away my summer projects . Finishing up loose ends . Tidying away the sewing room . Instead I suddenly decided that I didn 't want to miss a month of the UFO challenge and that I should really take another look at the July project . I had 8 blocks from a BOM many years ago . I picked a more challenging pattern than I was ready for and was not happy with the way the blocks were coming together . It got put away , and by the time I took it out again , the room it was being made to match had been redecorated . And so it sat and languished . I didn 't want to devote a lot of time and energy to a quilt that I have no earthly purpose for anymore . After playing with the blocks , I decided I could stretch the existing blocks by whipping up some Irish Chain blocks to alternate them with . I did that yesterday , and just finished putting them together in a 3 x 5 setting . With the blocks finishing at 12 inches , that only makes it 36 inches wide . Not enough to comfortably snuggle with ( unless you are really skinny I guess ) . So now that I have put this much time into it , I 'm thinking that I could make 2 more star blocks of some sort and three of the Irish Chains to bring it to a small snuggle size . I could also just start randomly adding the extra four patches to the sides until I run out . I guess I 'll sit here and stare at it until inspiration strikes . Inspiration better not take too long though , there is only one more day in July ! The kids have all been adding their own chaos to the mix . They are tearing up the house to pack for their trip while trying to make sure they play with every single friend and every single game and toy before they leave . Sydney had our new neighbor over yesterday and they played Clue , Sorry , Trouble , Kerplunk , Connect 4 and Martian Matter all at the same time . If only I had waited one more day to mop the kitchen floor ! It truly is insane around here . All in a good way though . It is hard to switch from full blown summer mode to back to school , but I am looking forward to a new school year . Kurt was nice enough to entertain the kids on Friday with trip to Universal while I went in to work on my classroom . It has been 6 long years since I last had a classroom of my own and I am SO looking forward to it . I wasn 't sure if I would move my Marine Science quilts into my new room or leave them in the lab with the aquarium to keep the marine theme going in there . While checking e - mail last week I learned that we hired a new science teacher to fill the part - time slot , so she will be using the lab as her " office " . Therefore I hung those in my room to represent the Biology portion of my course load . I also hung up Anatomy posters as well as displaying the models for that prep . Then of course I had to find a spot for the periodic table for Chemistry . I sorted supplies into the storage boxes I made from the Crazy Mom quilts tutorial , although I switched to a sturdier cardboard and used some tape to keep the sides together . They match the little curtain I made to add some color above the outside door . I had already spent several days going through everything that had been left from previous occupants . I found business cards from a guy who left before I started teaching there , and occupied the room three teachers ago ! Untold hours were spent cleaning , organizing , purging , arranging , you get the idea . It isn 't done yet , but I do think it is starting to look more inviting . While I am not exactly obsessive about organization , I do enjoy knowing what I have and where it is . Along with all of the physical organization , I also began the planning of courses and curriculum , with rewriting of syllabi and such . Again , I 'm not done yet by any stretch of the imagination , but I feel like I at least got a good solid start . The weekend was spent on usual weekend things , birthday party , ice skating , yard work , laundry . Kurt is taking all three of the kids to see his parents next week during pre - planning , so this marks Posted by Today was a Phyllis day . That is what we call every other Thursday when our housekeeper , Phyllis , comes and works her magic . It is a lovely thing to have something done in my house that I do not have to do myself . I have long ago gotten over the guilt of having help and learned to enjoy every moment . So the kids and I went got up bright and early , ran some errands , saw a free movie , had lunch out and visited the fabric store . We went to Target to look for new backpacks , and not finding the exactly the right kind , were headed out when I saw that Janet Evanovich has a new book . I 've read all of her books , even those goofy " written as " books that they always republish when an author hits it big . They are a funny , quick read with no literary qualities at all . I 'm finishing up Emma on my i pod right now , so there is some sort of ying and yang there I 'm sure . Here I sit in my sparkling clean house , listening to my fabric in the dryer , getting ready to dive into a brand new book and thinking , life is good . Oh , on a side note , I saw one of , my students at the fabric store and she said she tried to get into my first period Anatomy class , but couldn 't because it was full . So that is two new bits of information . My Anatomy class is first period , and it is full . I am slowly starting to work my way back into school mode . Maybe I 'll log on later and see if my rosters are posted yet and go through e - mail . Slowly , slowly . . . . . . . I just finished sewing together the blocks for the 2nd half of Sister 's Choice . Wow did that take a long time ! I really haven 't done much else yet today . The second half still doesn 't have a border , so I 'll take care of that tomorrow . I 'm not sure what to do with the corners . Usually my quilts hang shorter than this . Is the corner of a bedspread supposed to be rounded or squared up or what ? I got half of Mom 's quilt put together last night . I don 't have quite enough green for the other half of the first border , so I 'll either put the other half together and add the border later or run out today for a bit more green . The final border will be enough of the green to make it the right size . Anna 's bed is queen sized , so I 'll take it up there to see how it hangs . It is supposed to fall to the ground , so the exact dimensions are somewhat important . I also got a few blocks cut out for my next quilt while supervising swimming yesterday afternoon . I sent those through as leaders and enders while making the top . This is a quilt for my niece Paige and the colors are based on some sheets that my sister gave me to make a dust ruffle . Dust ruffles seem to be a recurring theme around here lately . I 'm also supposed to make one for my nephew Zach . If I were a really good sister I 'd get those put together and off in the mail ASAP . The kids are standing patiently by the pool waiting for me to come out , so I 'd better grab my fabric and go watch . Finally finished the blocks for the Sister 's Choice quilt ! Mom decided that she like the green lattice after all , so I 'm using the yellow as corner stones . I made it 8 blocks by 8 , so that leaves room for about 6 inches of border all around . I initially thought that I would use extra squares , but it seemed to blend in with the yellow corner stones . Then I thought about breaking the squares up into patches with some green strips . It seemed pretty busy , so I also considered using 4 . 5 inch strips instead , again breaking them up with the green where the cornerstones are . The other option is a simple solid border . I could also give up on borders completely and just make another row of blocks to make the quilt finish at 108 by 108 . I 'll let it simmer overnight and see how it looks in the light of day . Tonight I think I 'll cut out the rest of the yellow squares and call it a night . Hopefully I 'll be ready to sew the blocks together tomorrow . The kids want to go to the zoo , so maybe in the afternoon . I spent most of last week sorting through the scrap basket and turning everything into squares and strips . I 'm trying to get the study and laundry room organized again . I 'm getting very close to being done with the Sister 's Choice blocks , but I got sidetracked . Kurt has decided he wants to work on redoing the toy room . We 've moved out the very scary old couch and replaced it with some chairs for the kids . Now that I think about it , we ordered that couch from Montgomery Wards for our first apartment 15 years ago . When we moved into this house ( 5 years ago ) , I had intended to make cushions for the top of the toy shelves . I made a prototype , but Kurt thought it was too flat , and so we 've only had the one sad little cushion for the last 5 years . So when the couch made its way to the curb , I grabbed out the cushions and cut them to fit the top of the shelves . Then I spent yesterday sewing covers for them . I was pretty happy with how they turned out , but Kurt constantly fails to be impressed with my abilities . He just looked at them and said , " Yea , but I 've seen you make things lots of times . " So anyway , there they are , 14 linear feet of unimpressive matching cushions . Next on the agenda , to do something about the curtains he doesn 't like because they are too hard to open and close . I wish getting the kids to pick up all the toys was on the list somewhere , but that seems to be a losing battle . We spent hours up there on Thursday and it was perfect , now it looks ( again ) like something exploded . This morning we went to church to watch Anna sing her songs from VBS ( vacation bible school ) last week . They had a picnic afterward and Sydney has now decided that we should go to church all the time because she likes cotton candy and snow cones , even though she didn 't want to sing all those songs about God . We got to watch the shuttle go up tonight . If they hadn 't managed to get it up on the next two tries , it was going to be scrubbed , so I 'm glad it finally went . It wasn 't a fantastic view this time , we barely saw it clear the rooftops across the street before it ducked behind clouds . Sydney is still bummed that she didn 't get to see the separation . We turned on the news to see it on TV , but it is not the same at all . We call these dust ruffles , but Amanda says they are called valences " over the pond " . Either way , I made a skirt for the bottom of Anna 's bed yesterday . I used bleached white muslin and sewed it right over the top of her old ruffle . It is lightly pleated . I need to get to work on a new quilt for her bed , but for now , she has commandeered the toy room quilt which is called The Shirt off my Back . It is made of shirts and is so soft and comfortable . Her room and furniture are painted and reassembled now , all that remain are the decorative touches . That is the part she is most interested in , of course , but I am happy to have the room fully functional again . I am getting very close to having all of the blocks done for Sister 's Choice . The star points are ready to go , it is just a matter of putting the pieces together now . I would love to have that part done today , we will see how much attention the kids and house and such all need today . Kurt has been at work extra hours lately with a big deadline looming and customers in from out of town . They are hoping , along with the rest of us , to see a shuttle launch in the near future . It has been postponed five times now I think , but maybe today will be the day . I 'm sure some people have social seasons and have rounds of society soirees to attend on an annual basis . At our house we have a rash of summer birthdays which require a series of cake eating and pool splashing birthday parties . I put a lot of effort into the girls parties in May , so Kurt took the initiative on this one . I picked the time , and then he sent out an e - mail and handled RSVPs . We were expecting 7 kids , but somehow ended up with 14 . Everyone seemed to show up with a sibling or a friend , and then the neighbors joined in too ! When it comes to birthday parties , the more people , the more fun I guess . We should have made a bigger cake though , they ate every last crumb ! So no next day leftovers to enjoy . Most of the time the kids all splashed in the pool and tried to attack each other with squirt guns and water balloons . Kurt jumped right in and wrestled with them . He used to be a camp counselor , so he is good at fending off multiple kids at the same time . We even managed to keep everyone outside almost all of the time , so the house remained company clean and shiny . Today , the kids were all happy to hang out at home and play with new birthday toys . I took advantage of the quiet time to work some more on Sister 's Choice . All of the nine patch units are done now and the rest is cut out and partially put together . I have it all spread out on the ping pong table now so I can lay the blocks out as they get done and admire them . I 'm so glad we got the new table , I just hope nobody wants to play ping pong right away . Oops , I mean new ping pong table . Ryan and I wandered past a garage sale on Thursday and they had a ping pong table for sale . The kids had really enjoyed playing with one at the 4th of July party , so we picked up this table with delivery included . ( The teenage boys carried it around the corner to our garage . ) It will live in the toy room , but we have it in the formal living room until after Ryan 's birthday party tomorrow . Kurt has always wanted to use this room for a pool table , but I feel strongly about having that NOT be the first thing people see when they walk in the front door . I 've already got a few quilts pulled out and ready to baste on that huge flat surface . Maybe I can get to those tonight after the kids are in bed . It will be nice not to have to crawl around on the floor quite so much . I 've been working away on the Sister 's Choice quilt for Mom . Everyone seemed to agree that they liked the green sashing strips best . Everyone except Mom of course . She really likes the yellow , so yellow it is . She wants the quilt to be 9 feet by 9 feet , which is 81 blocks . I might make it 8 by 8 and use the same flying geese border from Old Hurricane Road . Mom commented that she really liked that quilt . I think I am about halfway done with the piecing , although it is hard to tell , because I 've got blocks in various stages of construction . Kurt volunteered to take Sydney to camp yesterday morning so that I could stay up and sew into the wee hours of the morning . I pulled out the overflowing scrap basket and several stacks of recently acquired fabric , and ironed and cut and organized for hours on end . I 've been pulling from the 2 . 5 inch bin a lot recently , so the 2 inch bin is heaping . I 'll see if I can pull my next project from there . Maybe another Scrappy Irish Chain ? The last one went to charity and I kind of miss it . Summer vacation is going great . I think it will be very calm for a while after Ryan 's party tomorrow . Everyone has finished their camps , so there will be less running around for the next couple of weeks . Posted by Here are some Sister 's Choice blocks with yellow sashing : Here are the same blocks with a green sashing : Any opinions ? I know what I think , and I have a vote from Kurt . I guess Mom should get a vote as well . Any other suggestions ? I continued cutting out blocks for Mom 's Sister 's Choice quilt today . After a bowling trip this morning the kids accompanied me to the fabric store to pick up some fabric for sashings and backings . I got 8 yards of green and gold backing fabric from the half - off clearance shelf for $ 2 each ! Also some fat quarters and remnants jumped into my cart while we were there , and I found the buttery yellow that you see in the first photo . The kids kept me busy most of the day , but I did get some fabric ironed and put away as well as working on tidying the study and laundry room some . Anna went over to her friend Sierra 's house for a play date this afternoon . They hang out for hours and days on end , so I didn 't expect to hear from her until after dinner . When the phone rang at 4 it was Anna in tears . After getting her calmed down enough that I could understand what was going on , I learned that she and Sierra had given their Baby Wets and Wiggles dolls a bath and they were broken . The girls have been taking care of their dolls like real babies . They brought them fireworks so they could play together . They put them in matching outfits . I don 't think Anna could have been more upset about a real baby being hurt . So when she got home , we did a little baby doll surgery and took everything apart to let it dry until morning . She put all of the broken bits and pieces into a pillow - lined basket and took it to bed with her . I spent my spare time today cutting out pieces for the Sister 's Choice quilt . I have a serious lack of buttery yellows in my stash , so I will have to think about getting some more to throw in the mix . I feel like a chef standing at a big soup pot saying , " Hmm , not bad , but it could use a little more curry . " I think I should use some sashing to give the blocks a little room to breathe . There never seems to be as much time in a day as it seems like there should . Sydney is at zoo camp this week from 8 to 12 . The two bigger kids wanted to go to the store this morning , then it was home for long enough to get some laundry started before picking up again . After lunch Anna and I worked on painting the furniture from her room . It has a pickled oak finish which is pretty beat up . So we sanded and painted until we were so sweaty and sticky from the heat in the garage we couldn 't stand it anymore . My arms still ache from all the painting this weekend . Even lifting the iron is painful . I 'm sure it will be worth all the effort when the room is finished . Amanda was searching for butterfly patterns , which made me think of a cute quilt I made with Anna and her friend Skye several years ago . I can 't find the pattern for the life of me , but I did find this block in my orphan stack . It uses a flip and sew technique that was really easy for the girls to do . Fabric requirements for each blockBackground fabric ( blue in this case ) : 4 . 5 inch squares = 24 . 5 by 8 . 5 inch rectangles = 2Wing color ( pink in my sample ) 4 . 5 inch squares = 42 . 5 inch squares = 2Body color ( black ) 4 . 5 inch square = 11 . 5 inch square = 1Place one pink square right sides together on top of the back ground rectangle at the left end and sew corner to corner . ( If you 've never done flip and sew , let me know and I 'll take a quick photo ) Flip the pink square back and cut away the corners below ( double sew if you would like " bonus " HST units ) . Repeat the same process , this time placing the square on the opposite edge to create a mirror image . Next take the two 2 . 5 inch pink squares and use the same flip and sew technique on opposite corners of the 4 . 5 inch black square . Last , but not least , make the head by sewing and flipping the 1 . 5 inch black square to the 4 . 5 inch square of background . Arrange the blocks as shown and sew together . The girls used a sharpie marker to draw antenae , but it would be very cute with some embroidery detail here . My Aunt Brenda loves to do jigsaw puzzles . Mom likes to get them framed and hang them up around the house . She has several Norman Rockwell puzzles that usually hang in the family room . These two puzzles of little girls hang in the guest bedroom at her new house . Mom wants to plan the colors of the room around these two puzzles and asked me to make her a quilt for the bed . She wants it to be bedspread sized so that she doesn 't need to use a dust ruffle . I was thinking of using Bonnie Hunter 's Sister 's Choice pattern with green , blue , brown , yellow and creamy background colors . I pulled these potential fabrics from the 2 . 5 inch strip bin and put together a few squares to try out the pattern . I didn 't see many buttery yellows in there , so I will go to the stash to look for those . Then I thought I would use a consistent green for the star points . So , Mom , take a look at the colors and the pattern and let me know what you think . ( Mom reads my blog because I put pictures of the kids in here ) Also , if you could measure the bed for me , that would be a big help . I think I 'll call it a night before I go any further in case Mom wants something different . Also , my arms are so tired from painting today . Also , I got in a run this evening for a change . Only three miles , but at least I got out there again . All in all , I 'm pretty tired , but it is for lots of good reasons . Today I am seeing blue . It took all day long to paint Anna 's room . I ache in places I forgot I had . The kids helped for at least 15 minutes and had much fun . Kurt even visited for a good half hour . The rest of the day it was just me with a drop cloth , a ladder and an abundance of paint fumes . It is all done now , and I think it looks pretty good . I 'm glad we talked Anna into a lighter shade of blue . The one she had picked out was very dark . This one seems cheery I think . Kurt is in charge of stars . Maybe tomorrow I will get the baseboards done . I think it has stopped raining and I am going to try to go for a run . We started yesterday at a neighborhood barbecue / pool party . There was a water slide and the kids had a blast . We had to drag them away so they could rest for a bit before our trip to a Cocoa Beach Park . We go every year to play in the fountain , listen to the symphony and watch the fireworks . We met up with several friends including my former running partner and her family . ( We used to do a long run every weekend until she got tendinitis and I got really lazy . ) Sydney had the most fun of all . She is still at that stage where everything is exciting and fabulous . She took close - ups of everyone . Here is her picture of the two of us . She gave a running commentary on the fireworks . About halfway through she figured out that why they were called fireworks and thought that was hilariousAnna had a terrific time playing with her friend Sierra , and Ryan was sword fighting with two boys who were part of our group . Happy 4th of July ! I 've been skipping over giveaways lately to give other people a chance , but this one at Sew Fun Quilts looked like fun . Happy 4th of July ! We have a neighborhood pool party to go to this afternoon and and then tonight we are headed out to watch fireworks and listen to the symphony . I hope it doesn 't rain . My nephew is supposed to sleep in an inclined position to help with aspiration . My sister sent this picture of a wedge shaped thing with a pouch kind of dealie on the front and asked me to make one . She said it was no problem though , because she already had the wedge part , I just needed to make a cover and pouch of some sort . No problem , right ? I couldn 't quite get my head around how I was supposed to make a 3 - dimensional fabric object with no measurements or model . I took measurements while I was visiting and got started as best I could without proper equipment . I brought the rest home to finish and finally sat down tonight and came up with this : Imagine it covering a 3 - D wedge and holding a wiggly 2 year old in a semi inclined position . I have no idea if it will work or not , but I 'll send it off in the mail and hope that my mom can do some adjustments if they are needed . Ordering the official one is always an option , but it is apparently quite expensive , so maybe this will work . Next on the list is the sun shield for a ground penetrating radar machine . I 'm not sure why I keep getting these requests for oddly shaped sewn things , but I 'll keep winging it and take it as a compliment that people have so much faith in my sewing abilities . When we traveled to Georgia recently I didn 't take any projects along because I felt like I had a real handle on everything . The loose ends were fairly tidy and nothing was hanging over my head . Now I have projects spewing out of my ears . My sister sent fabric for dust ruffles and wedge covers . No problem there , those should go quick . Poor little Paige is the only one of her children that does not have an Aunt Angie quilt . ( I made one for her doll , but not one for her . ) The cute pink and brown polka dotted fabric made me think that whilrygiggles would be cute and simple . That goes on the someday soon list . My girlfriend has a husband with a machine that needs a sun shade , I can give it a try , that goes on the list . Mom has a new guest bedroom and wants a quilt to match a jigsaw puzzle . Sounds good , I decide on the Sister 's Choice pattern and add it to the list . Then Anna decided to redecorate her room and requested a star quilt like Starlight Starbright . But with blue background and yellow stars . The list is getting longer , but she is my daughter after all . Wait , don 't forget the painting and decorating , add those to the list . ( Kurt is not to be trusted with a trim brush ) Then Kurt decides that the drapes in our room have to go and I start browsing catalogs for new window treatments . The window treatment ideas lead to quilt ideas , and both of those go on the list . I have this happy hour pattern that I have been saving just for that purpose . Mabye those better be at the end of the list . I think the paint is OK though , so that is spared from the list . Now July has rolled around , and UFO # 9 goes on the list . I 'm halfway through now and hate to break a streak . I think I 'd better prioritize . Because if I start at the beginning and go through the whole list , it will be a while . I 'm thinking that the UFO might need to be the first to bite the dust , because nobody wants it . When I started it in 2002 it was for our bedroom . We 've moved houses and changed colors since then , so I don 't know what I will do with a purple and green Posted by I have been getting better at FMQ with each quilt that I finish , but I have to pat myself on the back for this one . Not a single pucker or pleat on the back , it lies flat as a board , and the stitch length is somewhat even . As my British friends would say , I 'm somewhat chuffed with myself . The binding has just been cut out so it is almost officially done . I was planning on making this a charity quilt , but I 'm liking it better and better as it goes along . Maybe charity will have to get a different quilt . Anna has decided that she wants to redecorate her room . Today she asked for permission to start pulling off the wallpaper . Her BFF Sierra was over for a play date and they thought destruction would be way too much fun . Now I wish that I has stopped her for long enough to get a " before " pic . She had a lovely lavender bedroom in a princess theme . The bottom half of the wall had castle brick wallpaper with " stone " columns flanking the bed . The headboard was shaped like a big crown and covered in purple satin . Apparently 10 year old girls , " are not so much into princesses anymore " . It was all a little tired after 5 years , so I guess it is a good time to redo it all , but I will miss the castle wall . A massage would feel really good after an evening of crawling around on hard wood floors to baste the Tea Rose Sampler quilt . It is done now and ready to be quilted . Maybe I 'll settle for a celebratory soak in the whilrpool . My sewing room is a bit of a mess , as is the living room where I lay out my quilt tops . A bit of putting away and organizing is probably in order before I start in on the quilting . I think I 'll go see what I have for thread and stencils while I think about how ambitious I am feeling at 10 : 02 in the evening . Kurt has just gotten back from his event . Another person from his company was retiring and he was recruited to sing at the party . He used to sing with a group when we were in Chicago , but it was barbershop with lots of other people . I guess he did sing with some quartets , but never alone , and never with musical accompaniment . They rewrote the words to Take This Job and Shove It along with some other country ballads . I was a little sad that I wasn 't invited to come along and watch , but he said it went well . I actually had fabric in my stash for the Tea Rose Sampler . I don 't usually have big quantities on hand , but sometimes I will order backing fabric if I find a good sale . This Anna Griffith print was almost big enough , so I just added a few of the extras in the middle to make it fit . Kurt had a thing tonight , so I 've promised the kids McDonald 's for dinner ( ! ) . We are going to go grab that now before the rain comes back and then I can get this puppy pressed , layered and pinned . |
Beau and I came home from dropping off Reed and Blue at school . We actually didn 't come directly home , I did stop at a few places first just to torture myself because Beau was so pleasant and charming at each stop ( not really ) . By the time we got home he was so tired . I carried him in and he was crying because he wanted me to put him down then he was crying because he wanted me to hold him . So as he if flailing around and crying I take off his shoes and socks . When I did this he stops crying and looks at me and says " ahhhh " then smiles his goofy proud grin . I smile back thinking he was through with his tantrum . The second I smiled he realized that he wasn 't done and went back to flailing and crying . It was hilarious ! He must be a creature of habit because he always says " ahhh " every time we take off his shoes , even a temper tantrum couldn 't stop him from his ritual . Colby had a work Halloween party on Friday night . He went as Hans Solo and I as Princess Leia , very fitting seeing as our boys were Star Wars characters also . Highlights of the evening : 1 . The place was decked out in Halloween decor . My boys were thrilled . The house was set up on a hill and the walkway was lined with pumpkins on both sides . Beau loved this because he could give each pumpkin a little push and watch it roll down the hill . I tried to keep up with him but every time I was halfway up with a rescued pumpkin , another was rolling past me . 2 . Reed enjoyed the hay ride . The ride took us past a little ranch house and Reed was so excited because it looked like Cy and Dakota 's house except this house was bigger and a different color ( those were his exact words ) . With those differences , I 'm not sure why he thought it looked like Cy and Dakota 's except for maybe the horses walking around it . 3 . They gave prizes to all the kids who had on costumes and not just dinky prizes . Blue scored ! He comes running up to me with a package the size of him . In it was three squirt guns and one mega blaster . I don 't know how he finagled such a prize but he was pleased with himself . Low lights : Colby and I did NOT dress up as Hans Solo and Princess Leia but you could imagine . Tonight we went to the Halloween carnival at Reed 's school . Sounds like fun , right ? . . . until I tell you that Colby was out of town so I put costumes on the kids with just a little bit of frustration - Blue was crying because I had to wake him up and we all know that is not easy ; and if you look close enough in the picture you can see that I underestimated Beau 's size when purchasing his costume and we had to improvise . Then once we got to the carnival I had to hold Beau the entire time to keep him from running in the opposite direction . Not only did I hold Beau but I also held Reed 's and Blue 's light sabers while they played games and got their face painted . Luckily we arrived right when it started and we didn 't have to wait in any lines as I noticed a lot of other people were having to do as we were leaving . In forty minutes we had played all the games , got their faces painted , listened to a Halloween story , and picked out prizes . It definitely was not as bad as I was expecting . A night spent in the company of Anikan , Luke Skywalker , and Darth Vader , I must have had the force with me . This time of year brings dry skin and chapped lips . Both of which Blue gets worse than most kids . Today we were at Reed 's taekwondo class and Blue told me that his lips were hurting . I didn 't have any chapstick handy so I told him I would put some on when we got home and not to lick his lips . He didn 't skip a beat and said , " I didn 't , Beau did . " While Beau does give slobbery kisses , I don 't think this is what Blue meant . He wasn 't even in trouble but Blue is so used to hearing me tell him not to do certain things that his first impulse is to blame someone else . My latest attempt to pass the time between drop offs and pick ups is refinishing furniture - well , sanding , painting , then distressing . I have been sanding by hand for the past few weeks which is very time consuming . Colby kept telling me he had a palm sander that I could use but it was in our storage unit . So , on a regular basis I would ask him to get it for me since he has the only key to our unit . Returning home without a palm sander , he would always reply , " I forgot , sorry . " Broken promise after broken promise . Today I finally stopped playing the martyr and bought my very own power tool . Yes , a palm sander . Talk about empowering ! I love it ! I spent an hour and a half today on my latest project . What I accomplished in that time would have taken me a couple of days to do . I have a renewed motivation - it is too bad they don 't make power tools to help you clean your house . My boys go through these eating spurts like most children , I assume . Today was the start of one of Blue 's . This morning he wakes up at 6 : 00 asking for breakfast . I tell him to give me five minutes . At 6 : 45 I finally get up and ask him what he wants . He says , " What are my awshuns ? " Awshuns in rubberish ( Blue 's language ) means options ( Giving options is a favorite among Reed and Blue ) . I ramble off a few names of cereal boxes in our pantry . " And what else ? " I give a few more awshuns . He finally decides on a yogurt . He promptly eats this and asks if he can have a snack . At 7 : 00 in the morning , are you kidding ? ! I told him he needed to eat something else for breakfast . He decided on a bowl of cereal . By the time I took him to school around 8 : 45 he was telling me he was hungry again , this time asking for a corndog . Colby was actually in the car with me when this was going on and offered Blue McDonalds instead . En route to preschool Blue finished a little over three quarters of his sausage mcgriddle . When I picked Blue up from preschool at 12 : 00 , he asked me where his cake was . What cake ? He told me , " You know , the one I was eating before . " Oh , the sausage mcgriddle from three hours ago . I had already thrown it out . Imagine his disappointment when I told him I threw it out . Blue had intended on polishing it off when he got back in the car from preschool . Poor kid , he was probably daydreaming about the sausage mcgriddle during preschool . Chea and Wayne and girls came up a couple of weeks ago to visit . My boys love it when Chea 's girls come to visit . Here is an example : The morning our visitors were to arrive Colby and Reed went bear hunting . Not more than two hours after leaving the house , the boys were back and I asked why they were home so early . Reed did not want to miss Taryn when she got to our house . Not only do I like to take advantage of the babysitting from my nieces , I also like to take advantage of Chea 's skills whenever she is around . . . so with just a few minutes notice we decided to do a family photo shoot . What we would possibly wear to give a cohesive look but was already in our closets ? Camouflage , of course . I called Colby at work and told him to meet us downtown for a family picture . His response - Didn 't we just do a family picture ? Boy , was he excited . Thankfully he showed up anyway . Chea worked her magic and got some great shots . Thanks Chea ! During our impromptu photo shoot Chea asked Colby and me to look at each other . I could not as much as glance in his direction without cracking up . I guess " gazing into each others eyes " was totally out of the question . You know you 've been married long enough when just the the thought looking at the love of your life makes you cry . . . with laughter ! Today was a beautiful day here in Flagstaff ! Besides a little bit of smoke from control burns , the weather was perfect ! Reed gets out of school at 1 : 00 on Fridays ( love it ! ) and so we decided to do a little nature hike behind our house . Beau was thrilled , he had a bucket and put everything he could pick up in it - rocks , leaves , rocks , pine cones , and more rocks . Reed and Blue were on the hunt for acorn caps . I 'm not sure what they are really called but you know what I 'm talking about , right ? Whenever they would find one they would yell , " Sweet ! Look at what I found . " After ten or so I stopped paying close attention to what they were showing me . But I happen to look up when Reed mentioned that he found something that sorta looked like an acorn but wasn 't . Hmmm , what could it be ? As Reed is holding it in his hand , I tell him that is no acorn but the dropping of a coyote . Ewwww ! I had to be careful because you never know how Reed will react to something so out of the ordinary . Luckily , he was not totally devastated . In fact , his reaction was surprising . He just said , " Oh . " Almost like he was disappointed it really wasn 't a giant size acorn . The thing about being " tagged " is you can say you 've been tagged when you really haven 't . I mean who 's gonna take the time to track down your tag - er ? While I really was tagged I think it shouldn 't stop anyone else who so desires to share their deepest secrets with the rest of us . So here goes ( I modified the categories just a little ) : My first real job : The best Hawaiian restaurant ever , Aloha Kitchen , and Ray the owner still remembers me after fifteen years . I must have been a dang good employee . My first real job living on my own : Good ol ' Taco Taste in Safford , Arizona . Good times , right Lindsay ? Yes , Lindsay worked there also during her brief stay in Thatcher . A job I would love to do : Write episodes for the Backyardigans . If you are not familiar with what this show is I highly advise you to tune in on Nick Jr . It is by far the best kids show out there . . . catchy tunes and great moves . Places I 've lived and don 't want to live again : Ghetto downtown Mesa . Our neighbor actually hooked jumper cables to our electrical box and lived that way for a month without our knowledge . Colby 's parents house . It was actually easier for me to live there than it was for Colby but a 10x10 room just wasn 't big enough for the four of us ( Colby , Reed , Blue , and me ) . Queen Creek . . . . gotcha ! Of course , I MIGHT reconsider living there again . : ) Food that I would drive more than an hour for : Green corn tamales . I would drive all day if I could just get my hands on one of Grampy 's green corn tamales . Although , there is a restaurant in South Tucson that serves a close second . Crab legs from Outback . Luckily , there is an Outback here in Flag so I don 't have to drive an hour for them . But I would be willing if necessary . Weird things about me : Nothing . I am the most normal person you 'll ever meet . I have no irrational thoughts , o . c . d . 's , or insecurities - at least none that I am willing to admit right now . Well , here 's one for you . . . naaa , nevermind . Places I want to go without my kids : The Rose Bowl Flea market . Round Top , Texas . Mostly anywhere would do . PPosted by On Sunday Colby gave the blessing on the food for dinner . It wasn 't a super long prayer but it also wasn 't a two - liner . After he was done , Blue said , " Next time just say ' thanks for everything ' . . . that 's what I do " . Tonight I listened in on his prayer and sure enough I heard a " thanks for everything " and then amen . I think we need to work on that . Today I was trying to purge a few of the boys ' toys seeing as Christmas is right around the corner . I know , can you believe it - where did this year go ? ! Anyway , I was going back in forth from their room . On one of my return trips I discovered that Blue had taken all of the bedding off of his bed and Reed 's bed ( again ) . When I confronted him about it he started looking down at his hands with a concerned look and said , " I didn 't know what my hand was doing . " He is quite the character ! How can something { Halloween } so fun cause me so much grief { Halloween costumes } ? Every Halloween , ever since Reed was just a baby , costumes have given me grief . The year Reed was not yet one year old I decided we would dress him up as a scarecrow . Luckily this decision was on a whim with maybe twenty minutes of prep time . But as you can see in the picture Reed was not pleased . Then came the year of the dragon . Reed had a costume that had a hood with a big face on it . Whenever Reed wanted to turn his head he moved his entire body like his neck was broken . It was pretty funny . Next was Scooby . Reed was so excited but when the day of Halloween came he refused to put the costume on . He cried all through the photo shoot . After Halloween was over I couldn 't get the costume off of Reed . He wore it for the entire month of November . Now Reed was finally old enough to enjoy a costume for Halloween but Blue was a different story . The year of the eagle was the year I painstakingly made an eagle costume I had seen in a Martha Stewart magazine . I mean , come on , who doesn 't want their child to look like something out of a magazine ? Well , once again , my efforts were in vain . The only time Blue would put on the costume was well after Halloween and it lasted long enough to snap a picture . Finally , last year , Blue wanted to be superman . But when he saw the Reed was a Star Wars guy with a light saber , he , too , had to have a light saber . Not so bad I guess , I 'm sure the force would have come in handy for superman at one time . So it is costume choosing time again . I can 't tell you how many costume catalogs my boys have looked through and then looked through again . I 'm not worried about them , it 's Beau who is on my mind . I 'm pretty sure he will just give me one of his crusty looks which is interpreted as " You will not put THAT on me and if you do , don 't expect me to like it . " Wish me luck this year ! Isn 't this the cutest puppy dog you have ever seen ? ! This is a picture of the puppy Reed is hoping to get for Christmas . Reed is quite the artist . Whenever he is drawing pictures he always asks , " Aren 't I such a good artist ? " He has decided that he wants to be an astronaut and an artist when he grows up . Well , that was today . Yesterday it was a school teacher and an artist . Which is pretty funny for him to say school teacher because I have never heard mention of this before . I think Reed 's school must be trying to persuade children at a young age to go into the education profession . I love my cell phone . I love it because it is pink and is a constant reminder that I am a the only girl amongst a house full of boys . I also love my phone because while in my car I can talk to anyone ( usually one of my sisters ) and tune out the noise of my boys teasing each other and fighting . But the most useful part of my cell phone is that it occupies Beau while I am at any store . Beau has learned how to call Heidi . They have had some very deep conversations . I know when Beau has called someone because he presses the phone against his cheek very tightly and sits very still while giving me a stoic look hoping that I won 't discover that he has actually called someone . As I was viewing the pictures in my phone , I discovered that Beau knows how to take pictures and has taken more than I have . They are all very lovely distorted photos of his own head or the floor of various stores . The other day Beau had enough shopping and pitched my phone . The back plate went flying in one direction while the phone laid lifelessly on the floor . It was still on so I assumed that it was still working . Later on that day I realized that it was not working and I could not call anyone . So I turned off my phone and figured I would " re - boot " it . When I tried turning it back on nothing happened , I was still looking at a black screen . I pressed every button hoping that it would turn back on . No luck . I gave up and decided it was a lost cause . I was going to have to get a new phone . The next day I gave Beau my phone to play with . I didn 't think his curiosity would last long since it was broken . A few seconds later I heard some noise coming from my phone . My baby genius had fixed my phone ! It works now with no glitches . My laptop has been running a little slow , I think I 'm gonna have Beau take a look at it . Blue is back and better than ever . I could tell he was feeling better yesterday morning when he wanted a corn dog for breakfast . Since he hadn 't eaten in a day and a half we went straight to Sonic after dropping off Reed at school . This was a bonus for me since I was all out of diet coke in the fridge . More evidence of Blue regaining strength was that my house was a wreck before lunch time . I had noticed while he was sick that my house stayed a lot cleaner for a lot longer . The kid is sorta like a Tasmanian devil . He makes a mess in one room then moves on to the next . But I am grateful that he no longer has a fever although he is still trying to kick his cough . Today , though , was a sure sign of his well being . We went to the bank ( this time without m & m 's ) and I reminded him that he needed to sit on the couch or stand by me . He heads for the couch and before I am even at a teller window I look back at him and he is upside down on the couch with his legs hanging over the back side of it ! Colby found this picture underneath his pillow last night . When he asked Reed about it this morning , Reed was all grins . Reed was so delighted that he surprised Colby with a picture and more so that Colby loved it . Reed has put pictures under our pillows every so often for the past year . He loves the idea of being sneaky in a good way . He is such a good kid ! For those of you who have carried on a conversation with Blue know that sometimes it is difficult to understand what he is saying . I will usually ask him to repeat things a couple of times until I can figure out what he is trying to say . Well , the past few days have been extremely hard to understand him since he has a cough . So not only is it hard to get what he is normally trying to say , you add a raspy whisper and I can hardly understadn what he is trying to say let alone hear him . He is so exhausted that by the second or third time I ask him to say it again he tells me to " just forget ' bout it . " Poor guy . I feel bad but apparently I cannot fluently speak rubberish ( as Jessica so lovinly refers to Blue 's speech ) . As I mentioned earlier , Reed had a fever on Thursday . With this fever came a very hoarse cough . On Saturday morning Beau woke up with the same hoarse cough then followed with a fever later on in the day . Sunday morning Blue followed suit with the same symptoms . Luckily , by Sunday Reed no longer had a fever and his coughing was not so often . So last night started off relatively uneventful , Blue had fallen asleep around six then Beau at 7 : 30 and then finally Reed at 8 : 00 . Around 10 : 45 as I am watching tv I hear Beau whimpering . Since he is not full on crying I hope he will just fall back asleep . Fifteen minutes later he is still whining . So I go in to check on him and find him covered in puke . I know , disgusting ! And to think I made him stay in there for fifteen minutes . I felt so bad , but he wasn 't screaming or even really crying for that matter . I get him cleaned up put him in bed with Colby while I take off his bedding and put a new sheet on . Not more than a half an hour after getting in bed after Beau 's ordeal , Blue comes in hacking and crying . He climbs in with us and he is burning up . I tried to convince him to take some medicine for his coughing and fever but no luck . So I just laid there listening to him moaning and coughing . A couple of hours later Reed comes in because he said he heard some noises in his bedroom . Since there Blue was already in our bed , I went upstairs with Reed to lay by him for a little bit ( partly selfish because then I wouldn 't have to listen to Blue wheezing and coughing ) . While upstairs , I heard Beau wake up again but this time he went back to sleep on his own . Thank heavens ! The next thing I knew the sun was coming up and it was time to start another day with sick kids . Won 't this be a fun day . . . |
Just got home from seeing the movie INCEPTION . It involved dreaming , and dreaming in a dream . . . and so on . A good chunk of the movie was spent in somebody 's dream , and it got me to thinking . There was a scene in the movie in which a woman is stabbed in the stomach ( in a dream ) , and she awakes abruptly clutching her midsection . It triggered a memory for me . . . of a dream I had many years ago . I 've told only a few people about it , so why not my blog . . . only a few people read it anyways . I had this dream back when I was living in California , working as a preschool teacher . As a Christmas present from one of my preschoolers , I received a Dream Pillow . It was the size of a VCR tape , had a Native American design , and was filled with a fragrant potpourri of herbs and flowers . The smell of it , though strong , was not immediately a pleasant scent . It wrinkled the nose if you sniffed it too close , which was why it instructed you to put it beneath your actual pillow when you slept . The label claimed that your dreams were to become more lucid , if you were able to integrate the scent into your sleep . Being a skeptic , I threw the little pillow into my bed , and thought nothing more of it . Three nights later , I had this dream : I was at a baseball game , sitting in the stands behind home plate . It was a warm summer day and I was among friends or family , except that there was nobody specific that I remember . We were enjoying the game and at one point , I recall trying to catch a foul ball landing near us . It fell out of our range , and we laughed about it because a few people had spilled their beers . As we settled back into our seats , I noticed two men arguing about something . One man was in the row behind us and he seemed drunk and angry . The other man was in the row in front of us , a family man , there with his wife and kids . I was trying to figure out why the angry man was so upset , and unlike my friends , I had yet to sit down . The disagreement got louder and less possible to just ignore , so I turned to the angry guy and tried to calm him Posted by I had this idea as I was looking at some old drawings tonite . I 've kept every piece of art I 've ever made since started drawing in 1983 ( See John Lennon ) . Many are simple pen and ink drawings , some are roughly colored , and some were even finished and polished up a bit . They are a glimpse into my psyche , and as time moved on , so did my art . Every piece I made was signed and dated in the lower left corner . I found this particular picture as I was leafing through and old portfolio . It was from July of 1990 , twenty years ago . . . and I never quite completed it . So , tonight , in the midst of a rare creative spurt of energy , I took some digital pictures of my forgotten artwork and sent them to the Photoshop . I actually remember when I drew this " skeleton " . . . I was up at my friend Mark 's house , and we had likely indulged in our regular vices . We had partied as usual , made some food to eat , and we were listening to music . . . most likely a mixture of the Beatles ( from Mark ) and The Grateful Dead ( from me ) . The skeleton has his bony hands above , and behind , his head because he is dancing . The " Dead " influenced me heavily , and it came out in myriad ways . As I was coloring it , it occurred to me that I was collaborating with my younger self , and it felt strange , but good . I plan to do more of it . I was heading back from the store on my scooter this afternoon , when I took my usual longcut . By turning off the main road , I can skirt the beach on a small side street and if nobody is parked in the no parking area , I can pull my scooter up right up above the sand , and chill for a bit . Today it was quiet and the beach was pretty empty due to the tradewinds that had picked up earlier , whipping sand around . There were no waves except for the windblown ripples , and the ocean looked like a big blue bathtub . I propped my scooter up on the kickstand and sat back , crossed my arms , and took in the view . I never take for granted that I live in a place where people work all year to be able to come to stay for one week ( on average ) . The sun was still warm even though it was late afternoon and I could feel it on my arms . At the base of the palm tree right in front of me , I noticed a grey bird in the short grass . Upon closer inspection , I realized that there were actually two birds , doves , and they seemed to be in the throes of passion . . . or they were fighting . . . I couldn 't tell . The doves stopped tussling and settled down , as I scanned the beach and enjoyed the cool breezes . One bird was picking at the face of the other , like a honeymooning couple , nuzzling , and generally enjoying each other 's company . The male bird ( I think ) looked up at me with beady black eyes which conveyed several possible messages to me : 1 ) . What the fuck are you looking at Pal ? Gimme some privacy . 2 ) . Check it out , I 'm a generic grey dove and I can get a chick ( pun intended ) and this loser on the bike cannot . . . he looks lonely . 3 ) . Dude , you got anything to eat ? I 'll eat anything . . . seriously . . . even chicken . 4 ) . Where did you get those cool blue tires ? Sweet . . . 5 ) . Someone 's coming ! ! ! Let 's get out of here ! ! ! A guy was coming up the path from the beach , dragging a boogie board behind him . The doves scattered into the bushes as he walked right towards me . He made eye contact with me and nodded his head . " Howzit " he said to me , " beautiful day , " he added . " YeahPosted by There is a certain satisfaction that comes from making another person laugh . Some folks are born funny , and they consume and enjoy at least a little bit of humor every day . As far back as I can remember , I always wanted , and often tried , to get laughs . Growing up in my family , it came pretty easy to me , as there were several easy marks . My brothers and I , when we were very young , would crack each other up , mostly just with stupid noises , and general kid weirdness . To say that we were goofy kids would be a fair assessment . We played many games , and even went so far as to make up a few of our own . All bodily noises , smells and functions elicited laughter from us , when we were young . When all else failed , there was always tickling , which most consider cheating , when it comes to getting laughs . For the most part , I had a happy childhood . I recall playing a particular board game with my younger brother , Jeff , which sparked an episode of near fatal hilarity . It was one of those flimsy paper games that we pulled out of a Dragon Magazine . We had spent over an hour cutting up the tiny paper pieces in order to prepare to actually play the game . As was customary during most of our games , Jeff would read and absorb the rules , and explain them to me as we began play . This particular game involved many little explorers , crudely drawn and given humorous names . It was , in fact , an elephant hunt . We laughed for a while over the Liam token , whose picture made him look special , and we fought over the rights to be him . Eventually , we got the game set up with all the little paper tokens where they needed to be , found the right dice and began to play the game . Jeff went first , since I was Liam . Throughout the first few turns , Jeff consulted the rulebook many times . At one point , he started giggling as he read . Then , he composed himself enough to explain the all - important Hurricane George rule . It stated that the person who laughed too forcefully during a game of Elephant Hunt risked causing the hurricane - like effects to the games papeIn school , I was a covert class clown , due to the fact that I was very selective with my material . I was not like most of the other attention - seeking jesters in my class , who could effortlessly rally a mass laugh with a well - timed fart . That was too easy ; cheap laughs with small payoffs . Nor , was I akin to the kids , who when they read aloud to the class , would add words and use goofy voices . I was always too self - conscious when I read aloud , unable to adlib on the fly . I thought out my lines in advance , sometimes while lying in bed at night . Patiently , I waited for those golden opportunities to arrive . I spent hours listening to George Carlin 's album Class Clown , and I could appreciate the art of good comic timing . Carlin had a comeback for everything ; he has done his research , and earned my respect . Secretly , I wished for the day when one of my parents would threaten to wash out my mouth with soap , just so that I could reply with George 's gem " I 'll blow bubbles out my ass . " I was at a friend 's house one day when I overheard an actual line that begged for a Carlinesque reply . My friend 's mother had said , " I have tried to be both a mother and a father to you . " Under my breath , I pleaded with my friend , who had also listened to those albums with me . " Tell her … do it . " I said . He just shook his head , sad because he knew he might never get the chance again . " Go fuck yourself , " I said softly to the air that remained in the room , after his mom had left . George would not have been proud . It was an opportunity missed . My tenth grade English teacher , Mrs . Charles , was a kind , motherly woman . She was also practically round . Her students liked her a lot and saw her class as an easy A , as long as you showed up and participated every so often . I was quiet most of the time , and a little uncomfortable reading in front of the class , so I rarely volunteered . One day we were discussing metaphors and similes and , unexpectedly , she called on me , asking me to describe her in " colorful " detail . I was caught off guard , so I looked at her and had to think quickly . She was a little over five foot tall , wearing a bright purple jumpsuit , leaning against her desk with her arms crossed . She was stocky woman and I did not want to hurt her feelings , but I replied with the inspiration as it came into my head . The classroom exploded into laughter , and I raised my hands as if I had just caught a winning touchdown pass . I soaked in the adulation of the moment . Mrs . Charles called on me less frequently after that , and I was pleased to receive a B for English that year . The next year I had a French teacher who I did not like . He was a smarmy little guy that most kids hated for his tough , no - nonsense teaching style . Mr . Casorio gave quizzes every day , forcing us to recall vocabulary from the previous day . This seemed redundant to us , and we resented having to learn the same work twice . Even though it seemed successful with those students who chose to apply themselves , I often found myself , along with others , ill prepared for the daily quiz . To make matters worse , if you forgot to bring a pencil you would be humiliated further . Mr . Casorio did not accept the use of pens . He would ask if anyone needed a pencil , forcing you to slowly raise your hand in shame . His standard question was " Who put your pants on in the morning ? " which was closely followed by his punch line . . . " Your mother ? " In his nasally French accent , it was difficult to take , and the snickers of the other kids made him smile as he handed out little golf pencils with no erasers . Much to my dismay , I would forget to bring a pencil at least once a week , and have to suffer the consequences . One day , as I walked into French class , I was particularly nervous because I realized that I did not have a pencil . When I became aware that none of my friends had an extra to lend me , I started to think that this could be an opportunity to seize . This could be the day . I was mentally prepared to throw down , and I was suddenly hopeful that I was going to get the chance . I took my seat and waited for the quiz paper passing to begin . As the class settled in , we got our papers while waiting for the question to come . " Your wife ! " I nearly yelled in response , before he could say anything more . I was sure that everyone had heard me . I waited for the laugh to come , but we sat there in total silence , for what seemed like forever . I looked up at Casorio 's face , which was exploding red with rage . He pointed at the door and took a deep breath , shaking visibly . I got up , grabbed my backpack and headed for the door as the surrounding silence sustained . " Let 's go have a chat with the principal , " he said as we left the classroom and entered the hall . As we walked , his heels clicked on the linoleum floors with military precision . Right before we got to the top of the steps , I heard the sound I had been waiting for . My French class had erupted in glorious laughter , spilling music to my ears . It grew louder into a roar , and then tapered off with some applause and a few whoops . Mr . Casorio now appeared even more infuriated , seemingly split between continuing my march to doom , and a possible hasty retreat back to admonish the now elated class . I was suspended for three days , and as I walked home from school , I became seriously concerned as to how I might sell this tale to my father . I figured that if I was completely honest , and able to enlighten him of my latent comedic skills , then even he could understand my motivation , and acknowledge my bravery and cleverness . I do not remember taking a beating for it , and I managed get a passing grade in French in order to avoid future thrashing . Kids , in French class , talked about it for years ( or so I imagined ) . As a college student , my friends and I would occasionally go to the comedy club . There was a small cover charge , and from time to time , depending on the waitress , we could even order a beer . I thrilled at the bravery of each comic , even the bad ones . They were willing to reveal themselves and banter with the audience comfortably . Between comedians , the host would always ask volunteers to tell a good joke on stage . The winner , as judged by the spectators , would win tickets to the next weeks show . It took a while for me to build up the courage and find the right joke , but I found myself one night at the Funnybone with my hand in the air . When the host chose me , my friends were all shocked as I stood up shakily . Walking between tables , as I approached the stage , I felt my heart quicken , and by the time I got on stage , it felt as though it may burst from my chest . It beat so loudly that I feared the microphone would pick it up . I took long deep breaths as I waited for my turn to come . A cute , drunk chick told the first joke . It was a corny joke but got appreciable applause , mainly because it was told by a cute , drunk chick . An older gentleman in a suit and a tie , told the next joke and it was a doozy , except that nobody really got it . There was light round of polite , golf type applause and more than a few puzzled looks in the crowd . I knew I was next , and I gulped for air as the spotlight turned and blinded me . I looked out into the audience but could not see much , so I squinted and began to tell my joke . " One night , as he was passing his sister 's room on his way to bed , he noticed her door opened a crack . He peered in and saw his sister , naked from the chest up , sitting in front of her mirror . She was rubbing her breasts saying , " I need a man … I need a man . " I pantomimed rubbing my chest with my left hand as my right hand quivered holding the mic . There were a few giggles from the crowd , and I took another breath and went on . " So … The little boy ran up to his room confused , and went to bed . But … ( dramatic pause ) it happened again the next night . He did not want to look , but he did , and there she was , once again … ' I need a man , I need a man . ' Once more , the boy got flustered and ran up to his room . " I paused as I stopped rubbing my chest awkwardly for the second time . " It happened a few more times , and the boy got used to seeing it . Until one night , ( overdramatic pause ) , he looked into her room and saw her in bed … with a man ! The boy was stunned and he turned and ran up the steps , as he heard his sister moan . " The audience was rapt and I knew , even though I could not see them , that I had their attention now . I did not want to mess up the punch line so I gathered my guts and I tried to focus . I pushed the imaginary door in front of me . " He ran to his mirror , and began to rub his chest … vigorously ! " I rubbed my chest with enthusiasm , as I delivered the punch . " ' I need a bike … I need a bike ' , said the little boy . " The crowd burst into ovation , as I swelled with pride , somewhat faint . Needless to say , I won the tickets to the following week . I also won tickets the next week , and defended my crown for a third straight week after that . I remember one of the other jokes that prevailed , which was about nuns . I was gaining confidence and moving on to hard - hitting topics as I honed my comedy act . " There was a flasher walking down the street in a trench coat . There were three nuns walking towards him single file . He passed the first nun and could not help it . He flashed her … and she had a stroke . " I put my hand to my heart , in an all too familiar pose . " He passed the second nun , flashed her ( I pretend to flash the crowd ) … and she had a stroke . " Again , I put my hand to my chest for effect . There were some moans in the crowd . " She doesn 't even touch him . " I say softly and clearly . I will admit there was a delay , but when the laughter came , it was thunderous . A second laugh came , I noticed , when those who did not get it were explained the joke by their smarter friends . Each time , as I left the stage and sat back down with my friends , I felt exhilarated . My heart would beat quickly for the next half hour , and my face would remain flush for a long time . Who knew , the telling of one joke could take so much effort ? I felt drained , as if I had played tackle football . It was to be the highlight , and end , to my professional comedy career . I taught preschool for several years , and I toned my act down for kids . I became adept at doing amusing puppet shows . They usually involved the voice of Grover or Elmo , depending on which puppet I had on hand ( pun intended ) . Admittedly , potty humor was rife , and the mention of toilets and / or diapers was varied but predictable . I could get a class of three year - olds fired up , until eventually , I ran into my usual problem . Being authentically silly in front of other adults was difficult for me . My co - teacher would often hover about in the background pretending not to watch the show , but if I noticed her attention , the farce would suffer . The same happened if a parent would show up mid - show , causing me to fluster . Usually , I would seek volunteers from the class to be part of the routine , thereby deflecting some of the glare of the spectators . I knew what made kids laugh and I knew that it did not always connect to adults ( especially moms ) . Over those years , I honed my irreverent humor , which would grow and fester into my adulthood . Every job I have ever had involved some element of humor . I drove a cab for a few years and joked with my fares . A good pertinent joke could ensure a decent tip . Back when the Steelers quarterback of the day was going through accuracy issues , I would ask people in my cab if they had heard about Bubby Brister 's suicide attempt , to which most would reply in alarm . " What ? Are you serious ? Brister tried to commit suicide ? " " Yeah , " I would reply . " He tried to shoot himself . But don 't worry , he didn 't succeed . Somebody intercepted the bullet . " Ice broken , tip earned . I worked in a psychiatric hospital , on a toddler unit , as a developmental therapist . The psychiatrist , who headed up the treatment team , was one of the least funny people I had ever met . She approached everything with a serious , sensible flair . It sucked the fun out of the environment , and my work suffered . As humor went , these were the lean years , and I learned over time ( four long years ) , that I needed to work in a sunnier setting . Fast forward to the present , where I find myself employed at a resort on Maui . I work at the pool , as an attendant ( which is what you call a lifeguard that has no legal life guarding skills ) . However , every day I get to use my comedic skills , if I feel like it . Throughout the day , I rotate positions around the activity pool . There are seven connecting slides , a water elevator and a Tarzan swing . Depending on the time of the day , ( since I am not at all funny before noon ) , my jokes and banter could start anywhere . At the top of a slide , I am the one holding the walkie - talkie , who says " OK … you can go now . " Or , sometimes I liven things up and say " Now … don 't go ! " which usually makes them go , and I yell , " I 'm telling ! " as they slide away . Kids get a kick out of it if you say something funny as they leave , such as " Go if you like to spend money " ( the kid goes ) … then I add " on Teletubbie toys ! " Other gems , such as " Go if you like to drink ( the kid goes ) … from the toilet " and " Go if you 're married " always come off well . Those kids have a propensity to get back in line and taunt me for more verbal abuse . Every now and then , I bring rubber animals such as lizards and snakes , which I throw behind , or in front of , a kid as they go down the waterslide . I make them promise to bring back the toy , but inevitably , they all tend to get lost ( or stolen ) . I have thrown a little Dora the Explorer plastic toy ( that I found while cleaning the beach ) down the slide about a hundred times . Kids try to catch her on the way down , but she sinks to the bottom if they do not catch up , and it becomes a challenge , and a new game , for the older kids with goggles . I work on the water elevator about once a week and I try to add some fun to it , as it can be pretty dull . Up to fifteen people get in the basket and sit on a big , round wooden log . 18 , 000 gallons of water fills it up as we rise slowly to the surface . After reciting the requisite speech about it being the only water elevator in the world ( to which I add " except for the one at my house " ) , I usually warn people about the snake problem . I look around for the person who appears the most concerned and I toss the rubber snake , hidden in my back pocket , at them . Hilarity often ensues . So far , no one has really freaked out , and the few who have come close were too embarrassed to really complain . It is all fun when you are on vacation . I remind people of the number one safety rule on the water elevator : no peeing . I inform them as they exit the elevator that it is free to get on , but that it does cost twenty dollars to get off ( and that we can do a room charge ) . I tell them sometimes about the water escalator currently being built , from the top of the hotel to the ocean , which is estimated to cost forty - three million dollars . Hardly anyone believes me . Most days , I do a quiz show at the Tarzan Swing , which has become my tropical , topical stage . Kids stand in line , waiting for their turn to take the rope from me , to swing out and drop into the water . At the beginning , or if they appear unaware , I coach them on the question to come . I tell them that I am going to ask them a simple question , which they have to answer by the time they land in the water . It is also implied that they must let go of the rope , on the first swing , in order to be considered correct , ( and to avoid smashing back into the faux rock wall like a stuntman ) . I start with easy questions to build their confidence . " What color is the red Power Ranger ? " I could ask . That is a really easy question that usually gets some answer . The same would apply to " What is the name of Spongebob 's snail ? " or " What does Cookie Monster like to eat ? " If they answer wrongly , it provides laughter from the line and the other poolside onlookers . Moms and dads watch with cameras and video . The more the kids ' respond , the quicker the answers come , and the questions tend to get harder and edgier as time goes by . " Have you been married more than twice ? " is a question that tends to throw off most eight year olds . Better yet , I could ask about a kid 's sibling ( who is often standing in line behind them ) . For example , if you ask a ten year old if her six - year - old brother is potty - trained , no matter what the answer is … there will be laughter and some degree of discomfiture . When kids laugh , they loosen up , and after they loosen up a bit , they laugh even more . My Tarzan Swing shift is about an hour long so I tend to save some of my better questions for when I know that there are many people watching , as the crowds tend to shrink and swell like the tide . When there are bunches of loud , laughing children , the line has a tendency to get even longer . I ask a lot of normal quiz questions like " What 's the capital of Hawaii ? " or , " Is there a volcano on this island ? " Some children are competitive as well , and they are the ones who strut up to me and make demands . " Ask me something about Star Wars , " might elicit a " What kind of creature is Chewbacca ? " question . Surprisingly , there are kids who seem to know all the answers and it shocks both me and the crowd , often garnering applause . I have asked five year olds jokingly " What is the square root of 81 ? " only to be astonished as they yell out " Nine ! " right before they hit the water . I asked a man " What is the capital of Somalia ? " and he answered " Mogadishu " so assuredly that I had to go home and Google it , just to check if he was right . About midway through the hour , the kids who are digging the quiz show have stuck around , and those who did not have fled . The swingers get more comfortable and begin to request specific question topics . Ask me about Hannah Montana . Ask me how many Webkins I have . Many times I have heard a kid say " Dude , I 'm on vacation , lay off the math . " It is , of course , just what I want to hear , the familiar knock of comic opportunity . Brave , older teens will also try to steal some thunder by answering snidely . For exampleThere are a few sacred questions that I wait to dole out with a certain degree of discretion . Some of my favorites have no good answers , only admissions to lesser levels of shame . " Have you gotten rid of your explosive diarrhea ? " will undoubtedly draw out some form of response . Answering " Yes " admits that you , indeed , had explosive diarrhea , yet you were able somehow to get rid of it . Answering " No " implies worse , that you still have it . " Did your Grandma shave her mustache ? " is always a crowd pleaser . I regularly crack up , when some little kid standing in line doubles over laughing , as if it is the funniest thing he has ever heard . However , this question can backfire if Grandma is amongst the audience , ( which has happened only twice ) . Ask yourself " Does your Grandma have a motorcycle ? " or " … a crush on Dick Chaney " or " Spiderman pajamas ? " Try to answer it in the three or four tense seconds you have , as you swing on the wet rope , while letting go to land awkwardly in the eight - foot deep water . Attractive ladies are prone to get probing questions such as " Is your boyfriend still in jail ? " or " Do you think Clay Aiken is cute ? " Older women get " have you ever had a dream about George Clooney ? Dads are likely to be asked " Do you find Hillary Clinton attractive ? " The kids are the ones who think these jokes are the funniest , as adults tend to just blush and play along . My personal favorite question is actually a kid - friendly joke . What 's the difference between boogers and broccoli ? Kids don 't eat broccoli . By the time I am about to finish my hour at Tarzan , there are usually a core of five to ten kids who are really into it . Some ask to ask me questions , or for me to ask their brothers and sisters loaded questions . " Ask my brother if he does ballet ? " " Ask my sister if she eats Play - doh ? " Some days are funner than others are , depending on the players , and some days , if I have to start at Tarzan , it can be downright quiet . As my replacement arrives , I usually slip in a few questions about him or her . " Does Braden look like Shrek to you ? " " Does Earl have three grandchildren ? ' " Does this guy ask better questions than me ? " With very few exceptions , my coworkers hate following me in rotation , especially Tarzan . Not only does nobody else ask questions , most of the other pool attendants just scowl at the kids . Such is my competition . I find that if you are friendly with families , they tend to follow you around during their typical weeklong stay . They begin to expect fun daily and demand it even if I am in a lax mood . Last winter , my parents came to Maui to visit me , and they got a chance to stay at the resort for six days . They got a kick out of my Tarzan comedy show and they sat back on lounge chairs each day , sipping their Lava Flows , watching intently , like I was starring in an off - Broadway play . When I spent time with them in the evenings , we would constantly bump into other families that recognized me from the pool . Typically , a kid would whisper to a parent and then point I am the lost comic standing . |
At work , we were supposed to have a potluck lunch . However , considering how everyone is way too busy to make some yummy dishes to bring into work for everyone to chow down and savour , it got cancelled . Only six people signed up for the event . As for me , I completely forgot about it . Work is hectic these days . We have a software release at the end of the year , but it has to be ready by the end of November . For Halloween , I should dress up as a good little girl , complete with the short skirt and low - cut blouse . Oh , never mind . I dress up like that throughout the year , which sets the tone for a good spanking . Every story has different perspectives . A few days ago , we got radio and TV host 's Jian Ghomeshi 's take on why he believes he was fired from the CBC . I provided my thoughts about it , if it was indeed the case that he was unfairly let go because he likes consensual " rough sex " behind closed doors . I hope that all these women are doing okay . Perhaps CBC did do the right thing by letting Ghomeshi go . His image is becoming more tainted , painting him as a monster than a respectable , intelligent on - air host . As many of you know , I write for a living . My writing style on my blog is far different than what I write about at work . With the latter , I am generally describing to readers how to perform various hardware and software tasks . It 's different on my blog . I write to share what has happened to me recently . I 'm not telling anyone to do anything . I am simply writing about my thoughts , feelings , and experiences . I then share them with you . I found this draft post , which is dated April 16 , 2014 . My guy was still battling depression , but he seemed to be slowly getting out of that dark period . We were still working at the old office . I met my guy for lunch at our usual Chinese restaurant . We circled the parking lot together . I pointed to a parking spot for him . I ended up parking a bit further . He waited for me , and then we walked into the restaurant together . It was packed . We are regulars there . We got a table wiped down quickly . We are always greeted promptly . I teased him some more to the point where he playfully tossed his napkin at me . I couldn 't help but to grab his hand . We held hands across the table . It was nice . He wore a light blue , checkered shirt . He confessed that he was getting tired of ironing . It 's sort of surprising . He is good at ironing and rarely finds it to be a chore . However , he is more into convenience these days . He 'd rather wear something that doesn 't require hauling out the ironing board and iron . We drove back to the office in our respective cars . I must have beat him to it by a large margin . I didn 't see his car in sight . After work , I dropped by the training room . We talked about instant ginger tea . I teased him some more about his need for exerting the least amount of energy to perform tasks . It was a nice chat . I asked if i could kiss him . He was fine with that . I kissed him on the cheek . He played with my right cheek by sliding his hand in my navy blue pant pocket . He was groping me . I was playing with his chest . He told me that he felt guilty for not making me feel good . I told him that it was okay under the circumstances . He was making me wet as he continued to grope my buttock . He looked at me longingly . He initiated a kiss on the lips . It was a nice , long kiss . I got to lick his lips . They were so full and sweet . My guy has to work on Good Friday . I asked if I could join him for lunch and crash his training session , as I didn 't have anything planned that day . He was game . He shared his cabbage rolls stuffed with rice with me . It had dill in it . I loved them . He learned that I have a love for dill . He said that he didn 't even notice it . I told him about Applebee 's and how I used to order the chicken fingers . The place had honey dill dipping sauce . It went away and I was crushed . Luckily , I can make my own whenever I want to . We left work an hour later . We embraced before we parted and headed home . Both the taste of his sweet lips and of dill lingered as I licked my lips . Next month , my guy and I will be in Turkey . He will be there for two weeks for work . I will come join him a week later . I will be on vacation for a week . He always likes when I keep him company . It gives us more time together after work to dine , talk , shop , and be tourists together . My guy tends to stay at the closest hotel to the office . It makes logical , perfect sense . However , he wanted me to initially stay at a different hotel , in case colleagues recognize both of us at the hotel and spread some sort of vicious rumours about us . So , I had it . I told him that a lot of people know that we 're an item , but the likelihood that colleagues in Turkey would know who I am is slim . It also isn 't cost - effective for us to be staying at two different hotels , commuting between the two to meet up . And , how about quality time ? It may seem exciting to have two places to cuddle and be intimate , but the setup is an unnecessary inconvenience . I told him flat out that we need to stay in the same hotel . We compromised . He agreed that the hotel closest to the office didn 't have much around there . Today , he wrote me an e - mail and said that he booked us at a hotel close to the downtown area where there is tons of shopping . I looked at this hotel and its location . He did a mighty good job . The view is spectacular . The hotel looks posh . I am not used to staying at such a place . Naturally , we need to hear all sides of this story . However , I do not think that Jian is obligated to explain his private sexual life to the world . It is just that - - private . His employer should not make a judgment about him based on what he does in his bedroom and be dismissed as an employee for what he does away from work , if this point is indeed the reason for his losing his job . As much as I get along with my colleagues at work , I never want to share my private sex life with them . My guy is my colleague , but we are in a relationship . What we do in our relationship , especially behind closed doors is private to us . I would be horrified if I were let go from my job because management found out that I like having my bare bottom smacked hard by an attractive guy who holds my hands behind my back and punishes me . It has nothing to do with how competent I am doing my job . He is directionally challenged . I often tease him . On the contrary , I am pretty good with directions . Even when I am in an unfamiliar city , if you give me a map , I am fine getting around . Montreal can be a bit confusing , for it isn 't truly on a grid system . When I was there a few years ago , I drove there from Toronto and was perfectly fine . It helps that my car has a built - in GPS . " For the first time , I drove with two GPSs , " he said to me . " What ? " I replied , puzzled by his statement . " I had my regular GPS with me and the one on my phone , " he stated . " Why did you need two ? " " My regular one wasn 't giving me accurate directions . My phone was much better at it for the most part . " I joke often that he stays with me because whenever we go shopping together , I can lead him to his car after we 're done . What he needs is a phone application that tells him where he has parked . I have one on my phone , but haven 't used it . We are silly together , especially when we 're tired . We talked about his experience going to Costco in downtown Montreal , which he found just fine . I always bug him that he never buys me a hot dog from the place . " Oh , no . Not this conversation again , " my guy said with dread . " You can buy tons of hot dogs there , " I said with childlike wonder . " Hot dogs are bad for you with tons of chemicals , " he sang . " No , they aren 't , " I replied . " Yes , they are . Hot dogs should not be consumed by you , " he sang some more . " They are yummy , yummy , yummy ! " I sang back at him with my reply . It made him laugh . I couldn 't help but to laugh with him . It 's not everyday that you have a singing conversation about hot dogs . Now and again , I will watch parts of Dancing with the Stars . There are some celebrities that I enjoy watching . In the past , it was Erin Andrews and Candace Cameron Bure . They both did pretty well considering that they don 't have dancing backgrounds . Alfonso Ribeiro is an exception . I watched him play Carlton on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air as a teenager . He does have a dancing background , which can be perceived as an advantage over the majority of the celebrities on this show . This week , my guy is on a business trip in Montreal . The last time he was there , he had just bought his new car and drove there . This time around , he took a flight out . We both haven 't slept very well . Last night , I was tossing and turning . I eventually stopped looking at the clock at 03 : 45 and woke up three hours later , just raring to go to work . It is always a pleasant surprise when one of my posts ends up on Chross 's Spankings of the Week page . This time makes it number four ! My post - analysis of how sore my backside was after my last spanking made it and I am truly flattered ! On Saturday , I voted early for the municipal elections . I tend to vote early because voting day always lands on a weekday and I don 't like rushing over to the polling station after work , lining up , and trying to figure out who I want to vote for . I have worked at all three levels of governmental elections in my life . By far , the municipal elections are the most enjoyable to be a part of . In my city , the results are automatically tabulated by computer . You can even vote online . I like lining up and having a ballot to make my candidate selections . Next month , I am travelling to Turkey . My passport expires in April , so I need to renew it . It helps to have a passport that is valid for at least six months . I got my passport photo taken today at Costco . I look so different now than I did 4 . 5 years ago . I definitely like how I look now . Then , I looked at my photo on my Costco membership card , which was taken thirteen years ago . It is not a flattering picture of me . I looked like a convict and my membership level wasn 't quite right , either . As a result , I got that photo retaken . It was a productive day . Too bad the passport office isn 't open on the weekend . Otherwise , I would have submitted my application by now ! Back in 2008 , I was a graduate student and completed my degree through distance education . It was the first year in which our chats went from an instant - messaging , text - only discussion to an online video format . I had a Mac mini at the time that was one of the earlier models , which could not handle streaming video . So , I was one of the lucky ones who didn 't have to turn on the video camera , but could simply participate through the voice chat . Eventually , for one of my courses , I needed to run software that was Windows - specific . I couldn 't run it on a virtual machine on my Mac mini . I caved and bought a laptop that was on sale at Staples . Well , this laptop finally died on me last week . I ended up with a system error . I didn 't even get a glorious blue screen of death . I just kept looking at my black screen of horror . Okay , it wasn 't really a horror . It was more like an inconvenience . I was at a crossroads . Should I attempt to salvage all data on my hard drive and throw out the laptop , or should I save it by getting a new hard drive and reinstalling Windows ? I am not your average technical writing gal . My undergraduate degree was computer science , which was my major . I had friends during those days call me a techie because I fiddled with my computers over the years . I swapped out and upgraded hard disks . I changed sound cards and CD - ROM drives . I upgraded motherboards and added more RAM . To this day , I still like doing all these things , but I haven 't needed to do it because I became a Mac user at home . I am lucky that I haven 't had any issues with it . At work , I have a Windows - based laptop and don 't have the luxury of tearing it apart , whether I want to out of frustration or not ! " Can I help find something for you ? " " Yes , I 'm looking for a hard drive enclosure , " I stated . " This way , " he replied , leading me over to the proper aisle . " Computer or laptop ? " " Laptop , " I replied . " I need a 2 . 5 " enclosure . " I go to this store because I am not treated like a woman who knows nothing about computers . I get that often . However , after talking to me for a bit , you can tell that I know a decent amount to get by . He was helpful . I bought my new enclosure , went home , took my laptop apart , and seated my laptop hard drive into the enclosure . I now have a new external hard disk drive with a USB 3 . 0 connection . All my files are there . So , my next debate is whether I truly need a replacement laptop . I could use my work laptop , but there is so much encryption on it that it 's just sluggish to do fun stuff on it . Fortunately , I am not under any pressure . After I was done with graduate school , I bought a new Mac mini . It is my main computer at home ever since . The majority of my blog post are written from it and I have yet to complain about its performance . I will miss my old laptop . My guy and I have spent many fine times talking on Skype . Lately , we both noticed that when I was using Skype on this laptop now and again that the connection would drop because Skype would hang . I do have fond memories of my conversations with him using this laptop . I should stick to using Skype from my phone or my tablet . When we started dating , it was cute how tentative and concerned he was about spanking me too hard . Months later , he asked me if he could spank me harder . Since I gave him my approval , he hasn 't looked back . Well , he has looked at my backside to admire his work after administering a spanking , but you know what I mean . The last two spankings that I have received were by far the hardest ones that I have received from him . Normally , the soreness after such a fun spanking session lasts a day or two . The last two spankings have lasted for nearly three days . I liked that feeling of being thoroughly spanked and having that constant reminder when sitting down on a not - so - comfortable chair or bench . My guy 's erect penis wanted to come out of his brown slacks . I was relaxed and dopey , but managed to hug my guy while rubbing my right cheek against his member . He liked that a lot . He walked over to the other side of the bed to hug me some more . He was so aroused that he wanted me to touch his erect cock . He pulled it out of his slacks and briefs . I held his penis in my right hand and and stroked it with my thumb . My guy loved it . I kissed the tip sweetly . My guy had two minutes before his course . I could tell that he was torn between having me jerk him off , but he managed to put his member back in his pants and do his other job . My guy reached for my chin and lovingly caressed it . He has told me that I have a cute chin . It has been ages since he has caressed it . As he was talking , he caressed my breasts and played with my hard nipples . We then held hands for a while as he continued to teach his course . Luckily , it was only for an hour . " What are you doing up ? " he asked me . " You should be resting in bed . " " I don 't know , " I replied . " I wanted to be closer to you . " " Come here , " he said , taking both my hands and pulling me up on my feet . We headed back to the bed . He lifted up my skirt and gave me a good slap across my right buttock . It was time for my spanking . He lowered my lacy panties and continued paddling my bare bottom . At one point , he gave each buttock five rapid slaps across the same spot . It hurt a ton , to the point where my bare hands were clenching by sore backside for a while . He decided to take pictures of my pink bottom . He lightly tapped both my hands , signalling that I needed to remove them from protecting my achy bottom . He wasn 't finished with me . More hard slaps came down . He stopped when he told me that my backside was a pretty shade of pink . Being the gentleman that he is , my guy pulled up my panties and fixed my skirt . He then gently sat in front of me on the edge of the bed and held my hands in his . I was kneeling in front of him . " You know what happens now ? " he asked me . " I don 't know , " I said in a childlike way . " I think you do , " he said playfully , smiling at me and resting his head against mine , which was affectionate and sweet . " I want to suck you , " I replied . " Why should I let you suck me ? " he asked me . " Because I crave your hard cock . I want it badly . " " Okay , I will let you , " he agreed . I carefully unbuckled his belt , unbuttoned and unzipped his slacks , and helped him remove both his briefs and slacks . I held his erect member in my hand for a bit . I then had to get the strawberry - flavoured gel . I came back to him and his penis was starting to get limp . I spread the gel with my fingers around it and proceeded to lick his member , which got hard in my mouth the more I sucked it . We had talked about my giving him a blowjob when his penis is at a limp state and gets harder . It was realized this evening . I slowly took his big cock out of my mouth , which turned him on so much . He managed to snap photos of my doing that . He truly enjoyed the experience so much that he came in record time . My entire hand was fully coated with his cum . We rested for a bit before I had enough strength to head over to the bathroom to get towels . I helped clean my guy up . He thanked me . We kissed and rested for a bit . I found a hotel that was exceptionally close to our workplace . You could actually walk there in less than ten minutes . By car , it was only a three - minute drive . I left work just before 17 : 30 and drove down to the hotel . I checked in quickly . The entire process took five minutes . It helps to be an elite member ! While waiting for him , I unpacked and freshened up . The hotel room was pretty spacious . I loved the large TV and the kitchenette . I had brought a few snacks with me , including some soup . The problem whenever I have a kitchen in my hotel room is that I tend to do more cooking than I should . This issue happened to me recently in Denver and Atlantic City . It 's okay if I 'm in the greater Toronto area , because I am kind of at home . However , if I am travelling , I dig into my sightseeing time by cooking and don 't get to truly experience the local cuisine . Anyway , I heard a knock at my door just after 18 : 00 . Of course , I knew who it was and quickly got to the door . As usual , my guy looks handsome as he stood there . He was carrying a lot of stuff with him as he entered the room . " Wow , you brought your rolling computer bag . Are you planning on working here ? " I asked him curiously . " Well , I have that solve - for - m course , " he said , which is the nickname we have dubbed for his online course . " That means that you 're staying here longer ? " I asked , fairly excited . " Yes , we get more time for each other , " he said with a huge grin on his face . " I even brought dinner for us . " He plopped all his belongings on the desk . He came over to me and looked me over . I was wearing a short - sleeved blue t - shirt and a short grey skirt . Our lips locked as we hugged . His hands immediately groped my buttocks . With enough groping , I get so wet to the point where I can reach orgasm . Sure enough , it was an intense one , to the point where I was grabbing onto his belt around his waist as I came . We headed over to one of the two beds in the room . He gently placed me on the bed with him on top of me . We kissed and he fondled my pussy . Minutes later , I came yet again . My guy is boyish in the sense that when he gets hungry , he can 't concentrate unless he has food in his system . So , we took a break . I was starting to get dopey , so he did all the work with the food that he had brought . He had made a cucumber and tomato salad . He also made these mini beef pies and lamb with a tomato - based rice mixture . He heated the latter two dishes in the microwave . He also made tea for us . We are similar in that we like cooking . We actually used two forks to dig into the beef pies , lamb , and rice . It was sweet and romantic , even though the kitchen had plenty of dishes . After dinner , we headed back to the bed and cuddled for a bit . He saw the black silicone paddle by my bedside and took it out of the plastic wrapping . He liked it . He playfully lifted my skirt and lightly spanked my pussy . He played with my pussy some more . I was even more excited after his remark about spanking me . I came again . I then rested on the bed to nap . My guy kissed me before he headed to the desk to begin his online course . This post is one with mixed content . It wasn 't the post that I had meant to write . I still need to share my spanking fun from last Monday . I have a Google + account because it makes it easier to use Blogger . I am on social media , with Facebook and Twitter being my main accounts under my real name . However , with Google + , I have never truly understood it . With Google + , I decided to use it more as Cutiebootie . All I have done is posted links to this blog . So , whenever I have created a new blog post here , I will add the link to my Google + page . My profile photo is indeed a picture of my backside after my guy had spanked it , but it was hours after the fact . As a result , the redness is long gone . He got me the purple panties that I am wearing when he was in Dallas on a business trip . Purple happens to be my favourite colour . I wrote about my last spanking experience a couple of posts ago . I forgot to mention that after getting thoroughly spanked by my guy , he caressed my bare , sore buttocks for a minute . His touch felt so good , attempting to soothe my well - spanked backside . It 's such an intimate , wonderful feeling to have your spanker make you feel better after the session is over . Back in June , I participated in my first blogging challenge . Each day , you choose a topic to write about and your topic goes through each letter of the alphabet . I knew that it would be difficult for me to accomplish , considering that I had a major deadline that month at work and that I haven 't blogged that regularly in years . Although I thought that I would be going through a lot of blood , sweat , tears , and nervous breakdowns , I survived . I felt good that I had accomplished something important . I also managed to find a number of blogs that I love following . I wish that I could read a blog from start until finish . I was lucky to have found Han 's blog . He has a good mix of post topics . Variety is good . I appreciate his hand at writing poetry and quoting poems from some of my favourite poets , such as Ogden Nash . He also posts intriguing photos that end up being etched in my memory for quite some time . I admire that he participates in far more blog challenges that I have . I used to do that with this blog . I have been told that I have a good memory . I am also a reflective person , so reading and reminiscing aren 't unusual tasks for me . A few days ago , Han left me a message , stating that he wanted to write a post on his blog about mine . Reviews are both exciting and frightening to me . It 's nice that someone loves reading every post that you write and comments regularly . On the other hand , it 's the I - don 't - know - what - he - is - going - to - say and I - may - not - enjoy - blogging - if - the - comments - are - negative feelings that I had . He reassured me by letting me read his draft . He also wanted to make sure that I was okay with the content . His insight gave me insight on my life , which is refreshing . I could tear people to shreds . I have been through a bunch of negative experiences . I could let them all out on this blog , but it 's just not me . I am a writer by trade . This blog is an outlet for me . I don 't talk about my love for spanking to anyone but those who are close to me , so I do just that on my blog . I am connected to people in the blogosphere who share the same passion as I do . These days , I am spanked more than dishing spankings out . It is an ongoing , exciting journey for me . I want to share these experiences , which has not changed since I started my blog . And , yes , it took one reader who was upset that I wasn 't customizing my blog post for his liking that made me review all comments here prior to publishing them . As much as I love readers following along , I do blog for myself first . It 's just sweeter when readers enjoy what I blog about , too . So , thanks again to Han for taking the time to read practically all my blog posts by now . Thanks to you , my readers , for your support . I am approaching 500 posts . Han made the observation that I have been blogging on and off for nine years . Wow ! There are some rather large periods of my being away - - mainly from my divorce , from back surgery , and from my master 's degree . Each blog post is a snapshot of a moment in my life , similar to taking a photo . I wouldn 't delete any of these snapshots , whether good or nasty . He wanted me to unlock my phone to take pictures . I did it and handed my phone to him . There was a decent pause as he fiddled with it . I was getting anxious . I was excited , but didn 't know when the first smack would land . Well , the first smack landed on my bare flesh . My lacy black panties aren 't exactly the type to absorb firm hand smacks , but he chose to slap my exposed bare skin . We both heard how crisp and clean the smack sounded . It was hard . It was good . My guy decided to pull down my panties . I attempted to pull them up . He didn 't like that and gave me some quick smacks to show his disapproval . He pulled my panties down my mid - thighs . He continued smacking me some more . I could feel the warmth slowly happening . " You are the one who can 't figure out my phone . Yet , I am the one who is being punished . That 's so unfair ! " I managed to fix the phone . He started slapping my bare behind methodically with the wooden ruler . They were hard slaps and I could feel the soreness . I started to whine . He told me to stop talking , ending his sentence with another ruler slap . At one point , I covered my hand over my left buttock . My guy held his left hand in mine , but continued to spank me . I got a hold of his spanking hand with my free hand . He managed to hold that hand behind the small of my back and gave me a good hard smack , which got me extremely excited . I was wet . Drenched is more accurate . My guy liked how pink by bottom was and admired his fine work . He decided that the time was right to pleasure me . I came not once , but twice . Both experiences were wonderful . He was still standing at the foot of the bed . I went over to him , sitting on my sore pink bottom , hugging him and telling him that I love him . He did the same , holding me in his arms and kissing my forehead . I have a lot to blog about soon . The last two spankings that my guy has dished out have been incredible . My bottom is mighty sore as I write this post , which is one reason why it is a short one . = ) As a teaser , my guy christened my new silicone black paddle tonight . It packs quite the slap . My guy remarked how pink my bottom halfway through my spanking . My guy came back in town on Tuesday night . I decided to use one of my rewards vouchers at a hotel chain . He got me into booking with this chain because you get free hotel stays now and again . I have three free nights with these vouchers . If I use my points , I could actually make my stay at a hotel free for a week . His flight was expected to touch down in Toronto at 21 : 30 . It would be a rather long wait for me to wait for him at work . Instead , booking a hotel room , going out for dinner , and then having my guy stop by was fitting . He 'd be tired from travelling all the way from Auckland , but we would both be energized to see each other . An hour later , as expected , I heard the knock at my door . My heart was beating a bit faster , eager to see him . I quickly got to the door and opened it . He was standing in front of me , with a cap on his head that made him look boyish and handsome . We both asked each other how we were . We briefly answered the question , but our rather long embrace said it all . It was the hug that didn 't need any words . We had missed each other and wanted to be in each other 's arms . " I 'm so glad to see you , " I said , still in his embrace . " Likewise , " he replied . " You look good , as always . " " You do , too . " " No , I don 't . I haven 't shaved my face . " " I like your stubble , " I said , caressing his head with both my hands . He kissed my hands and led me to the bed . We sat there . It was a rather high bed , even for two people who are around six feet tall . " Have you been a good girl ? " he asked me , rubbing my backside . " Yes , but you always say that I am a bad girl . You 're the only one who thinks so . " " Well , you 'll be getting what you deserve . Did you bring the wooden ruler or do I have to use my bare hand ? " " The ruler is on the dresser . You can use your hand if you want . " My guy and I had one of our longest Skype chats on the weekend . It started at around 22 : 00 local time for me . I actually had to stop our chat at 01 : 30 because I had to shower and also empty my bladder . It 's kind of funny , but I had worked out just before he had called me , so I really did need to freshen up and not have my bladder explode . " But , I am a good girl . So , you don 't have to spank me , " I stated rather unconvincingly . " You are never a good girl . You deserve what is coming to your attractive bare bottom , " he replied . " Well , you are far away , so my bottom is safe from mean people like you . " " I know how bad girls like you behave . You need a lot of punishment and I will need to make sure that your bare bottom is sore after I am done with you . " Needless to say , I was extremely turned on after that chat . My guy and I got off just after my shower . It was 03 : 30 when I said goodnight to him . He remotely kissed me goodnight and tucked me into bed . Thursday Bear had to go for a 12 month check up at his eye specialist . Can 't believe its already that long since his first operation . Anyway as you all k . . . I 've seen Terps ' fun , " one word answer " meme going around lately . Sadly , I 've been more of a lurker , than a blogger in more recent days . I have enjoyed . . . Do you ever feel like putting a worm on a piece of paper and circling it with big red sharpie ? The past week has been like that for me . There has been so . . . The votes for the Spanking Romance Reviews Reader 's Poll Best of 2016 are In ! Drumroll please … . Best Overall Spanking Romance Jewel 's Gems by Maggie Ryan . . . It had been one of those few days . Nothing either of us could do seemed right to the other . We were rubbing each other up the wrong way . Well H was annoyin . . . Well , it has been a long time since I have been blogging . I would like to say , the delay has been caused by being busy , but that is not the reason . Most . . . A good friend of mine wrote this sci - fi sex story and I thought some of my friends here might enjoy it . It 's free on smashwords ! " Blink to Share " is fun ro . . . So , I 'm ' officially ' all better . The doctor said the autoimmune stuff is in remission , the surgery I had last year is all healed up and better . I can do al . . . " I want you to bend over the chair and get a good grip on the seat . " Gloria 's eyes widened at her girlfriend 's demand . Over the last few days , Jennifer had . . . My guy has meetings with a client all week . These meetings end at 15 : 00 . It was wonderful seeing him with a blue long - sleeved shirt on today . . . My hotel room is fancy . It has a nice shoe - shining kit . I looked at the shoehorn and thought that it would make a nice spanking implement . . . . My guy tends to ask me what I want when he wants to give me a gift . He 's sweet . I don 't need anything , but he insists . My birthday . . . The other night , I went to see a concert . I had a fabulous time ! I used to work downtown . I have a particular parking lot where I park and . . . A while back , my guy and I had this conversation . " We started dating back in 2011 , " my guy remarked . " I 'm impressed tha . . . |
Blogging is so rewarding . Yesterday I received a bottle of wine from a blogging friend and another delightful blogging friend and her husband took me on a photography ride to Saguaro National Monument . It was truly a red letter day . I will not share the wine with you , but I can share the results of my photo excursion . Please click on the link below to see the album of my photographs . You will also see a photo of my blogging friends , lovely Rain of Rainy Day Thoughts and her hunky husband Paul . ( Sorry , I couldn 't resist . ) This will be my last post until next year . My daughter surprised me with an invitation to her home in California for the holidays . I leave Tuesday and will return on January 3 , when I hope to catch up on what has been happening in blogging land while I was gone . May we see peace in 2010 and the end of the health insurance debate . The opportunity to have meaningful reform has been squandered for another generation . Too bad that greed , nasty politics , and self - serving representatives kept our country from moving into the 21st Century . This trip to spend the holidays with my family is the only thing that is keeping me from deep depression over the sheer stupidity of our legislators . Betty and yours truly at the end of our wonderful day . My hair is windblown and I do look like the Flying Nun ready for a take off . This photo was taken by Paul . Betty graciously forwarded it to me . This morning I have way too many things that need my attention . Make it , this week . I really don 't have time to write a post . Having said that , here I go . I just read an op - ed piece that makes my blood boil . I have posted the link at the end and hope you will read what our Republican friends are up to now , aided and abetted by our turncoat Democrats . As Ronni Bennett of Time Goes By says , why do we keep electing these clowns ? It seems they are on a mission to completely destroy our wonderful country . I have never seen such complete idiocy as the rants I watch on C - Span when our esteemed neanderthal legislators open their mouths . They are disingenuous ; they are the biggest liars walking on two feet . The way they distort facts is completely unprincipled . All the Republicans care about is bringing down Obama . Never mind that he inherited the biggest mess in history ever handed to an incoming president . A mess that was created by their party . It doesn 't matter if they bring down the rest of the country with him . As for those Blue Dog Democrats ; their mission is to placate the tea bagger idiots at home so they can be re - elected by the uninformed . And , of course , there 's the money . Follow it and watch how your representatives voted . Finally , there 's Joe Lieberman ; don 't get me started . Health care reform is virtually down the tubes now . Reid and Pelosi have caved on the Public Option . All that is left is a few minor restrictions on the insurance industry and a giant sop to them . Now they will have millions of new clients that are young , healthy and forced to buy insurance . What a boondoggle . I am for throwing all the b - - - - - - s out next election . Next on their list is banking reform . Don 't hold your breath . It will probably go the way of health care reform . No wonder the Europeans are amazed at our stupidity . I hope you will follow this link and read what Paul Krugman has to say about the Republicans , 27 Democrats and the economy . Note : After posting this I went to Tom Degan 's blog , The Rant , and found that he had written on the same subject . There is much more information on his post and I think you will find he is as angry about the D . C . screw - ups as I am . He calls it like it is and has done more research on his post . It 's good ! ! Here 's the link : If you want a giggle go to the post below this one . I had to remove it in order to post this important health care reform informtaion . This information came from " Move On " . The link was nearly as long as the article so I copied and pasted it . If you find things you either agree , or disagree , with please continue to contact your legislators . Go to the government site for their telephone numbers , addresses , and e - mail contact . A handwritten letter is best , but time is of the essence . It only takes a minute to make a phone call and if you can 't get through to the D . C . number , they all have local office telephone numbers you can call . Here 's Where We Are Overall , both pieces of legislation would do four major things : Create a " Health Insurance Exchange . " The bills create a one - stop marketplace where people can choose from various insurance plans , including the public option . The details aren 't set yet , but initially the Exchange would likely be open to the self - employed , people without insurance at work , and small businesses . 1 The key with the Exchange is that it brings " the bargaining power and scale that 's generally accessible only to large employers " to individuals - and with that , lower costs and better options . 2 Provide insurance to over 30 million more people . The House bill would expand coverage to 36 million people by 2019 . The Senate bill extends coverage to 31 million . 3 Outlaw discrimination based on pre - existing conditions and gender . Insurance companies will have to stop denying coverage to people with " pre - existing conditions . " And they won 't be allowed to charge women more than men for the same coverage . 4 Eliminate coverage limits and price - gouging . The bills differ on some details , but in general would place limits on how much people have to pay for health care beyond their premiums . They both cap out - of - pocket costs and ban insurance companies from setting limits on how much health care they 'll cover for a person each year . 5 Of course , the devil is in the details , and much in these bills still needs work . Here 's what still needs to be fixed : Both bills leave millions uninsured . The House bill leaves 18 million without insurance in 2019 ; the Senate bill , 24 million . Neither comes close to the vision for universal coverage so many of us fought for for years . We 'll all need to fight to continue to expand coverage in the bills this year , and in the years to come . 6 The Senate public option is weak , and conservatives are pushing to make it weaker . The public option is a core piece of reform that will create real accountability and competition for private insurance - and that 's why it 's at the center of such a huge fight . While the House bill creates a nThank you , as always , for everything you do . P . S . Check out more about the House bill here and the Senate bill here or here , and see what the impact of reform would be in your state here . If you want to read the full bills , for the House , click here or here ( PDF ) , and for the Senate , here or here ( PDF ) . I 'm still healing and I really don 't feel like sitting long enough to write a rant . I know you will probably appreciate a few giggles instead . This way we both will be happy . As You Slide Down the Banister of Life , Remember ' Ministers Do More Than Lay People ' 2 . Transvestite : A guy who likes to eat , drink And be Mary . 3 . The difference between the Pope and Your boss , the Pope only expects you To kiss his ring . 4 . My mind works like lightning , One brilliant Flash and it is gone . 5 . The only time the world beats a path to Your door is if you 're in the bathroom . 6 . I hate sex in the movies . Tried it once . The seat folded up , the drink spilled and That ice , well , it really chilled the mood . 7 . It used to be only death and taxes Now , of course , there 's shipping and handling , too . 8 . . A husband is someone who , after taking the trash out , gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house . 9 My next house will have no kitchen - just Vending machines and a large trash can . 10 . A blonde said , ' I was worried that my Mechanic might try to rip me off . I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid . ' 11 . . Definition of a teenager ? God 's punishment for enjoying sex . 12 . As you slide down the banister of life , may The splinters never point the wrong way . Posted by Some of my readers already know that my computer was down for nearly four days . Monday night I got back on line and within an hour of doing so I fell and hurt my back . Blogging has not been possible during the interim . Even though I am not very alert right now due to constant pain , I feel compelled to comment on the President 's speech last night . As I viewed the President delivering his long awaited speech I looked at the faces of those young plebes who were watching with full attention and wondered how many of them would die in an unwinnable war . They looked so trusting and so very young . They are among the finest of our young people and to think that some of their lives will end or be ruined in a mideaval county is appalling to me . We cannot afford this war . The object , as stated by the president , is to dismantle Al Quaeda . It 's a fool 's errand . Al Quaeda is also in Somalia , and many other countries . Are we going to follow them wherever they are ? They will always be able to find a safe haven in another backward country and will continue to plot to kill as many Americans as they can . I am sure there are cells in our country right now planning to wreak destruction . Killing one man , Osama bin Laden , would never stop the fanatics either . If the object of being in Afghanistan is to provide safety for the U . S . ( As claimed by the President ) some of the money would be far better spent securing the cargo that comes into our ports daily and to beef up our intelligence and share the information with the agencies responsible for security . Nation building should be the responsibility of the nation being helped and not ours . Our own infrastructure is crumbling so why should we spend our wealth building roads in a backward country ? If it were possible to bring Afghanistan into the 21st Century it would take so many years and so much money we would bankrupt ourselves in the process . I have never been an isolationist . It is a small world , after all . Nonetheless , common sense must prevail as to how our aid is distributed to other countries . I view Afghanistan as beyond help . The government is corrupt and without the Afghan government 's cooperation , it is a lost cause . I am , however , concerned about nuclear weapons in Pakistan falling into the hands of the extremests . I have no doubt that they would use them . Our concentration should be on doing away with these terrible weapons world wide . George Santayana 's familiar quote , " Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it . " was never more appropriate than now . Afghanistan is becoming another Viet Nam . The curse is still with me , only it 's not my body that suffered this time . Yesterday my computer crashed big time and I was unable to get the desktop , much less get on line . I gave it up and read my book . Then last night I turned a small portable heater on in my bathroom and closed the door so the room could warm up for my shower . A few minutes later I tried to open the door . It was locked . Now I know the curse of the holiday was in full swing because I never lock that door . I live alone and there has never been the necessity to do so . Unfortunately , there was no way to open the door or remove the door knob . I know that an evil elf put a Thanksgiving curse on me and locked that door . Maybe it 's my ghost from Thanksgiving past . I must have failed to invite him to my feast one year . ( Memo to evil elf ; enough already ! ! ! ! ) My good friend , who is also my computer guru , came over and helped with both problems . He had to take a hacksaw to the door knob and use lots of energy trying to get it unlocked . Then he tried to solve my computer mess and ended up reinstalling windows . Of course I have lost my music , photos , programs , etc . You know what I will be doing all week . Therefore , I will probably not be posting or commenting on your blogs . I just want you to know that I will play catch up as time allows and hope you will stop by to see what I 'm up to . ( Probably up to my ears in trouble . Frustration will be my state of mind . I will really need that ' Oh Shit ' key on my keyboard . ; - ) . Enjoy your feast and I will enjoy one tonight . I have banished the curse with this post . Having exposed the witch or elf that cursed me I think I have put an end to Thanksgiving woes . On my last post I made the statement that this is the worst economic downturn I could remember since the Great Depression . That prompted a comment requesting me to write about the Great Depression and how it impacted my life . The economists keep telling us that we are in a Recession and that the stimulus package kept us from sliding into a Depression . I have no doubt that this is true , but I am sure it feels like a Depression to the millions who have lost their jobs and homes . The Washington Post just reported that the number of mortgages that are delinquent has risen to 14 % . The jobless rate is over 10 % . Try telling those unfortunate people that this isn 't the same as a Depression . For the wealthy , things couldn 't be better . Some will take advantage of the misfortune of the losers and buy up those mortgages at pennies on the dollar . CEO 's that caused this disaster walk away with billions . Is it no wonder that people are angry ? Since I have ' been there and done that ' I will try to recreate what life was like during the Great Depression . Because there was no Workman 's Compensation the unfortunate jobless had to scrounge any way they could to feed their families . I don 't think a day went by without several salesmen ringing our front doorbell selling can openers , home made furniture , Bibles , or anything else they could peddle for a small commission . Other men knocked on the back door begging for any kind of work in exchange for a meal . Bread lines were long and pathetic . Still other men without travel money rode the rails to another part of the country where they hoped to find work . My husband 's brother - in - law was one of those men . He was a trucker by profession and he was out of a job . He boarded a box car in California in the winter and nearly froze to death . When the train stopped in Utah he was treated to a hot meal and warm clothing by the Salvation Army and he blessed them the rest of his life for saving him . His story was not unique . The lucky ones who still had a job helped the less fortunate in any way they could . My grandmother gave a party each Saturday night for the entire neighborhood . Because nearly everyone was in the same boat , there was no shame in being hard up . But people needed an escape from the worry and cares of every day life . Few had money for an evening out , so the parties were well attended . The meal was always a pot luck and people brought what they could . My grandmother would play the piano for dancing and would be joined by anyone who could play an instrument . The whole family was invited so the children had some fun too . I was more fortunate than some children . My grandmother was able to support my mother and me ; my Uncle and his wife and son ; as well as helping strangers . Nonetheless , I was not privileged . My birthday presents were predictable . Hair ribbons and panties . I had two pair of shoes . When school started I would get new school shoes . When I outgrew them my Sunday shoes became school shoes and I would get new Sunday shoes . I got two new dresses when school started . Some children wore hand - me - downs from a charity or a friend . I was not spoiled materially because my family would have felt guilty if I had more than other children . I never knew what it was like to go hungry , but it was drilled into me from day one that I was never to waste food . I was only to take as much on my plate as I could eat and , believe me , I had better eat every scrap I took . I will tell of two examples of how difficult times were for some families . A little girl who attended my elementary school wore glasses provided to her by welfare . One day her glasses got broken on the play ground and she burst into tears because she had been told to take good care of them ; she would not be given another pair . One Halloween some of us were going trick or treating and we knocked at the door of a very humble house . The man opened the door and there must have been 6 or 8 children in that family . They had a big barrel of apples that had been donated to them . Some of the apples were rotten , but he offered an apple to each of us . I remember not wanting to take it because I knew that might be the most food they had . ( It will probably shock some people to know that this kind of hunger still exists in our country . ) John Steinbeck 's award winning novel , ' The Grapes Of Wrath ' is not only a good read , but it will tell you more about what the Depression was like than I could . The Dust Bowl caused Kansas and Oklahoma farmer 's to migrate to California and Steinbeck has captured that era perfectly . What was life like then for the middle class ? We learned to value things , we learned to entertain ourselves , and we learned thrift . That meant that we took care of our possessions . It meant that we did things as a family . If there was enough money for gas , we took a Sunday drive . We played checkers , dominoes and card games for entertainment . We saved our money for a future indulgence . In the summer a big evening for us was driving to Manitou Springs to fill up jugs with mineral water . If we felt ' flush ' we stopped for a root beer float . To today 's kids , that would be a dull outing , but to me it was an exciting event . Most people helped each other and were compassionate . Sadly the other side of the coin were the greedy unprincipled men that had money and used the dire circumstances of others to further their wealth . We had a neighbor who had been gassed during WW I and he had a pension . When the value of the dollar plummeted , his pension remained the same allowing him more money than he needed to survive . I suppose you could call him an entrepreneur , but that would not be my name for him . He haunted the Court House and searched the records for delinquent taxes . Those were usually owed by widows . He then paid the taxes , took over the property and evicted the unfortunate owner . I wish I could say that he was an isolated example , but it is not so . All over the country such men got wealthy on the misfortune of others . Itinerant preachers were numerous . Many of them became wealthy because the gullible would give them money they could not afford . Evangelical preachers were followed because people were looking for something to hang on to . Aimee Semple McPherson was one such preacher . She was involved in an scandal involving an extramarital affair , but before that happened she became extremely wealthy . I hope the ' powers that be ' can avoid another Depression . For some it is already happening . We need men of wisdom to guide this country so it doesn 't fall into the abyss again . We need strong leaders who will put restrictions on the lending institutions so we don 't fall down this rabbit hole once more . We need patience and guidance . On second thought , that might be news because it 's dramatic . The news is , after all , about entertainment . It would be most entertaining to see people panic . Okay , I 'm exaggerating . I am not exaggerating when I state that I am not the only person who doesn 't have a clue about what to do about the economy . This morning 's NY Times had two diametriclly opposite views on whether Timothy Gaithner had done a good job or not . Paul Krugman , a Nobel Prize winning economistn said ' no ' and David Brooks , Conservative columnist , said ' yes . ' I confess , David Brooks is a conservative whom I admire and read . He presents his case with thoughtful reason . Having said that , I would rather go with an economist 's opinion than a columnists . I will leave it to the experts to fight it out . All I know is that I haven 't seen it this bad since I was a child during the Great Depression . Call me a pessimist , but I am very sure it is going to get much worse for the average guy before it gets better . Since I am unable to make a rational comment on this I will leave you with some giggles to take your mind off of the depressing news . THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY Law of Mechanical Repair : After your hands become coated with grease , your nose will begin to itch and you 'll have to pee . Law of Gravity : Any small important part when dropped , will roll to the most inaccessible place . Law of Probability The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act . Law of Random Numbers : If you dial a wrong number , you never get a busy signal , and someone always answers . Law of the Alibi : If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire , the very next morning you will have a flat tire . Law of the Bath : When a body is fully immersed in water , the telephone will ring . Law of Close Encounters : The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are already with someone you shouldn 't be with . Law of the Result : When you try to prove to someone that a machine won 't work , it will . Law of Bio - mechanics : The severity of an itch is directly proportional to the square of the difficulty to reach it . Law of the Theater : At any event , the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last . Starbuck 's Law : As soon as you sit down to enjoy a cup of hot coffee , your boss will ask you to do something that will take until the coffee has become cold . Murphy 's Law of Lockers : If there are only two people in a locker room , they will be issued immediately adjacent lockers . Law of Physical Surfaces : The possibility of an open - faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering directly correlates to the combined newness and value of the carpet . Brown 's Law of Physical Appearance : If the shoe fits , it 's ugly . Wilson 's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy : As soon as you find a product that you really like , they will stop making it . Doctors ' Law : If you don 't feel well , make an appointment to go to the doctor . By the time you get there , you will have recovered . If you don 't make an appointment to see the doctor , you will get worse . Law of Logical Argument : Anything is always possible if yDarlene I am busy today and will refer you to one of my favorite blogs . If you want to read a really good blog head over to " The Rant " by Tom Degan . He is a master of satire and his take on politics matches my own . He gets some lively debates going because some of his followers are as far right as Tomis to the left . It 's great fun . He wrote a post today that I wish I had written on Sarah Palin . While I vowed to never give her the time of day again , I really enjoyed Tom 's rant . Here is the link : http : / / tomdegan . blogspot . com / ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ You can tell from my photo that I still enjoy good wine and when thisarrived in my e - mail I just had to share . I kid you not . . . . Like most elderly , I want to remain independent and in my own home until I die . My greatest fear is of having an illness so debilitating that I can no longer do that . I am not alone in my worst nightmare because we elderly do not want to burden our families . Therefore , unless we are wealthy we must enter a nursing home or allow a loved one to give up part of their life being our caregiver . Neither one is a palatable option . This is a subject that you don 't hear much about in the debates on the pending health care reform legislation . For those of us in our declining years it is a subject that is of primary concern and should be addressed . In my grandparent 's day there was no social security or medicare . When aging parents were no longer able to live alone a loved one would step in and move the elderly relative into their home . Quite often this was an unhappy event for all concerned . My grandfather died at home and my grandmother , a fiercely independent business woman , continued working and helping to support her children . She was the provider for her son , daughter and their families during most of the Great Depression . After the death of my grandfather she continued to provide for my mother and me although my Mom had remarried . Then my grandmother , in her 70 's , broke her hip and she was no longer able to run her business . She owned a Cottage Court and Trailer Park that catered to tourists . My mom and step - father moved into my grandmother 's home and took over . My step - father was a very lazy man and he resented having to take money from my grandmother . ( The psychology of that might be a subject for a future discussion ) . As a result , he was not kind to the woman who had taken on the responsibility of providing for him and his family . After a few months of what must have been bitter unhappiness , my grandmother moved into the home of her sister . I am now older than my grandmother was at that time and I can understand how miserable her last years must have been . I have given some thought about what will become of me shoI am posting on this subject not as a ' pity party ' issue , but as a wake - up call for those of you who are younger . I don 't think our legislators will help you so my advice to you is to look into Long Term Care insurance . An article on the Huffington Post by Ken Dychtwald , PhD , gerontologist , had some eye opening statistics . A person who is 65 years old today has a life expectancy of 85 and it continues to rise . The children of the elderly are working and / or relocated to another state . Long Term Care insurance rates go up as you get older . I do not believe that politicians will do the sensible thing and include home care in the legislation . If you are younger and can afford it , it would be prudent to check out Long Term Care policies . We are not all going to " go gentle into that good night " . Helpful resources : On one of my solo trips abroad I was with a diverse group of people . Of course , this is normal when you are traveling with a tour group . Most people are friendly and very nice but there is always one sour puss that you try to ignore . On this trip the it was a couple in the group who were constantly complaining and spoiling the happy enjoyment of the rest of us . Nothing was right ; the food was bad , they had to get up too early , etc . You get the picture . I will return to them later , but first the Moroccan part of my trip . Everyone who has traveled has probably had a trip from hell and this was mine . It started before I left home . The Stagecoach Van was to pick me up at 4 am . I was so worried about not hearing my alarm clock I decided to sleep fully dressed sitting up on my couch so I would be ready to pop out of the front door when the van arrived . Needless to say , I got very little sleep . No worry , I thought , I have hours that I can catch up on sleep on the plane . When I got the the airport I discovered that my departure gate was at the very end of the furthest concourse . When I reached the gate for departure to New York the sign was suddenly changed to San Francisco . My plane had been delayed and another plane would be coming in at that gate . I was worried about making my connection in NYC because I only had a 3 hour window between connecting flights . Eventually my plane did arrive ; only it was at the gate I originally came in on . So I trekked back along two long concourses to end up at the gate where I first came in . Are you with me yet ? If so , you can imagine my stress and the beginning of sheer exhaustion . By this time I was too tense to sleep . No problem , I thought , I will sleep on the plane to Madrid . When I got to NYC and finally located the gate for Iberia Airlines the plane to Spain was already boarding . I had to check in and , in doing so , I requested non - smoking . After they decided that I did have a valid ticket I had to literally run up a flight of stairs and down the concourse to my gate . Panting , I was the last one to board and they closed the door after me . I don 't like waiting , but this was cutting it way too close . At last I was on my way and could finally relax . With great relief I found my seat , stowed my overhead carry - on and looked around . Cigarette packs were stuffed in the other passengers pockets and I discovered I was in the smoking section . I asked the flight attendant if I could move to the non - smoking section . She was very snippy and told me to find a seat if I could . The only seat left was next to the galley and the crew gathered there to chat all night ; lights on , of course . Eventually dinner was served and it included a packet of Italian dressing . My tray was broken and tilted to the left . I opened the dressing and laid it on the tray . Since this was the trip from hell when everything was going to go wrong it slid off and spilled on my skirt making a big oily stain . At midnight they showed the movie by Oliver Stone , JFK . No sleep for me yet . The young couple next to me were returning home and were Spanish . Their English was as bad as my Spanish , but they wanted to chat . We tried mightily to converse all night . There were lots of giggles , but no sleep . I may have gotten a few hours sleep , but it didn 't feel like it . When we arrived in Madrid we had to change planes to a smaller one and the gate was on the next level up . The girl who hurriedly told me where it was located was very sparse with directions . I made it up the escalator and found that this was not your normal airport arrangement . I had a miserable time trying to find where I was supposed to be but eventually I saw a sign pointing the right direction . By this time I was becoming a basket case from lack of sleep and stress . Ah , but that was not to be the end of my woes . My luggage didn 't arrive . Then our guide announced that we had to be up at 3 am to take the bus to the port where we would get the Ferry for Morocco . Oh happy day ; another sleepless night . I didn 't even have time for jet lag . We were in Morocco ten days and my suitcase never arrived . However , that turned out to be a great ice breaker because people on the tour had great fun telling me how much they loved my dress each evening when I came down for dinner wearing the same stained knit . It was almost worth having to wash my undies each night and putting them on damp in the morning to get that friendly teasing . I do love being the center of attention . One kind woman finally loaned me a blouse and skirt and at last I had a new outfit to wear . I guess she got as tired of seeing my hot pink dress as I did of wearing it . This turned out to be an exciting trip and I did enjoy seeing a different culture . The morning we left I had to cross the swimming pool area to get to the dining room for breakfast . As I didn 't have any luggage to put outside my door I carried everything in my purse and it was heavy . I foolishly decided to leave it in my room when I went to breakfast . Big , huge , ENORMOUS mistake . When I returned to leave my room for the last time I opened my billfold to get the American dollars that I used for tipping intending to leave a gratuity for the maid . Poor girl ; she got zilch . My dollars were gone , my Spanish Pesatas were gone , and my Moroccan Rials were missing . I had been robbed . There was not time to call the police , but it would have done no good anyhow . Your know , we rich Americans have so much money we should be happy to share the wealth . ( If they only knew how I scrimped to make that trip . ) Well , to quote an old cliche ; live and learn . We only had one more night in Morocco and my meals were covered so I waited until I got back to Spain to cash a traveler 's check . Fortunately , my passport , credit card , traveler 's checks and airline tickets were in a neck safe that I wore under my dress . After we arrived in Spain the coach stopped for lunch at a horrors McDonald 's restaurant . Because I still didn 't have any cash I sat and watched my tour friends scarf their lunch . Now , back to the couple who griped . In Spain we were housed in a hotel with mini kitchens and we were free to make our own meals . I watched as the female complainer filled her very large bag with handfuls of napkins , condiments , and other freebies . I thought , it figures ; the ones who make the most fuss are the ones who are capable of petty theft . I wish I could say my problems were over , but during my time in Spain I caught a cold , pulled a muscle in my shoulder and was not feeling up to par . Nonetheless , I saw some wonderful things and enjoyed the thrill of that . I took a trip to Gibraltar where I purchased four David Winter cottages . ( I was a collector at that time ) . The cottages are small but the boxes are large . When we were to leave Malaga for Madrid I had three carry - ons ; my purse , the shoulder bag furnished by the tour company and my sack containing the cottages . I got to the door of the plane and a man standing there folded his arms across his chest and sternly told me to step back . He informed me that I could not get on the plane because I had too many carry - ons . I said I had to board because I was going home . He was adamant that I was not to board that plane . I was naive and I now think that if I had given him $ 20 I would have been swiftly allowed to board . It just didn 't occur to me , probably because that was the last $ 20 I had . ( I travel light and it was much lighter after being robbed . ) Just before I was ready to burst into tears a fellow traveler behind me asked me what was wrong . I explained the situation to her and , as she only had her handbag , she took mine from me andWe arrived at Madrid only to find that fog had grounded all planes . We were stranded for three hours and there weren 't enough seats for all the passengers . I stood up the entire time while waiting for the air to clear . By now I was getting used to glitches and half way expected it . When we were finally airborne I breathed a sigh of relief . I was in one piece and was headed home , complete with my David Winter cottages . Did you ask if I had more problems ? Well , remember the name of this trip so of course I did . Because the plane from Madrid was late most of us missed our connections at JFK . There were two long lines of people trying to get hotel rooms and I didn 't want to spoil my losing streak by getting in the right line . By the time I got to the desk I must have become invisible because the people on the other side totally ignored me . After what seemed like hours a representative from the tour company came up and asked me if I was being helped . Me ? Get attention ? You jest . She slammed her fist on the counter and said in her best Brooklyn accent , " Let 's have a little service here . " That got their attention . I asked them to call my daughter to tell her I would be delayed and they promised to do so , but they didn 't . Are you surprised ? My daughter went to the airport to pick me up and there was no Mom . ( Now we are wiser and we call before leaving the house , air travel being what it is . ) But all is well that ends well . Because I didn 't have a reservation on the morning flight I was stuck at the very back of the plane . By the time they got to me for breakfast they were out of orange juice and coffee . A very good looking young flight attendant started giving me special service and made coffee for me . My ear plugs were broken and he gave me a new pair . I was being treated like a queen for the first time in my life and didn 't really know what I had done to deserve this special attention . After the attendant was through with his duties he sat on the arm of my seat and said , " You look just like my Mom . " Sometimes it pays to have a double . I have a friend who is a world traveler and he told me that it 's the things that go wrong that make for interesting conversation when you get home . If he is right I hope you enjoyed reading about my experience and I promise not to bore you with a story of the trips when everything went went right . A post script to this tale . I kept in touch with that young flight attendant for years , One year my card to him came back undelivered . I never heard from him again and will always wonder if he is okay . And the final end to the story is , if I had to do it over again including all of the things that went wrong I would do it in a heartbeat exactly the same way . Posted by Ida ( 2013 ) D : Pawel Pawlikowski . Agata Kulesza , Agata Trzebuchowska , Dawid Ogrodnik . A noviate ( Trzebuchowska ) comes to grips with her Jewish past and Ca . . . I am thinking that there are several types of people when it comes to gifting for birthdays . 1 . Those who do not want anyone to make a fuss and who only wa . . . * " Corporations are NOT people ! Money is NOT free speech ! " - TomCat , www . politics . plus . org - * * " Advertising is legalized lying . " - H . G . Wells - * Big bu . . . |
Wow , this is one cool place I 've fetched up in here . I thought I would drive as far as Raglan because it might be nice , then on to Auckland tomorrow . I started looking for the YHA in Raglan , which finally turned out to be about 10 miles out of town , at the top of the cliff overlooking a beach . Without any warning , it turned out , after I had paid to consist of cabins . Hmmm , I said I wasn 't staying in cabins any more . I wondered if it would be freezing . Well it turned out to be fairly amazing . This is my cabin : It is warm inside , but not too much - obviously a bit of greenhouse effect . It has a heater that looks like the super inefficient heat accumulator type , but it may be good enough for the top of north island in april . The big issue as far as I can see , is the lack of sockets . I think we are being ecologically discouraged from using electrical appliances . Really ! ! ! Yes really . But the earth cabins have sockets , so after a little transfer , this is my new cabin : Wow , I want one of these for a studio . I haven 't slept on a futon in a foom with thick walls and small windows for over a year . It really is the only way to build . It 's certainly the only way to build a cabin that doesn 't need a heater in winter . This cabin has sockets and no heater but I 'm not too worried . I expect it to hold its temperature . Raglan is trying to undo New Plymouth 's good work by making we want to stay longer . I could spend a few weeks here , working on that translation I 'm supposed to be finishing today . This is just the sort of place Jasper would be staying in . I wonder if the Kiwis really like places like this ? They 're certainly not used to them . I generally have the feeling that relations between the indigenous people of New Zealand and the various newish arrivals on this bit of geography are not the worst in the world . I realise the standard for worst is pretty low and things are not perfect here either . Still , the only piece of active hostility I knew of recently was the Prime Minister nearly getting nutted on Waitangi Day , and even he seemed to understand that this was part of the role of prime minister . If only our prime ministers would follow his excellent example . . . Well anyway , that was the only piece of hostility I knew of until this morning , when I was walking down the street in New Plymouth and a lady of Maori origin who was walking in the opposite direction informed me that all white people were bastards and that if she had her way we 'd all be on the slab . I was a bit surprised , because I had thought sacrificing people on slabs was a custom of the indigenous people in my part of the world ( a very , very , long time ago , obviously ) , and that her ancestors had stuck to just eating people . Seriously though , I can 't quite imagine anyone going through life in New Zealand hurling abuse at every white person they see , so either she was having a very bad day , or she was just being selective - maybe privileging people who are a bit smaller than her , have obnoxiously white hair , or look as though , unlike her , they are having quite a nice day . If she had seemed at all disposed to open conversation on the topic , instead of just hurling vulgar abuse , I could have told her I was leaving the day after tomorrow . It would surely have warmed the cockles of her heart , thought it would have been embarrassing to decide whether it was more diplomatic to appear to share her joy , or look flatteringly downcast at the idea . I am rather downcast at the idea , actually . I 've been regarding Auckland with distaste for the last few days , purely because it has an international airport at which I 'm expected . It 's not as though I want to stay indefinitely , but I keep thinking , ohat One of the tough things about staying in Wellington YHA to catch up with your work and life is parking your car . There 's a place about half a mile away on Marine Boulevard , which is free overnight if you choose the right spot , and quite expensive during the day . You have to move your car at 10am away from the free spot to a different paying spot , then move it back again at 4pm . And if you want to load your bags , you have to go get the car , put in in the hostel 's driveby and load up . I went to do this at 8 . 15 am because I was expecting to have coffee in another part of Wellington with a friend at 9 . 30 . It was pouring with rain , windy and generally unpleasant . On my first pass through the area my car should have been in , I noted the presence of police cars then , as I rounded the bend , four officers emerged from a lifeboat , carrying the naked , unconscious or possibly dead body of a man slung between them . I was shocked and disturbed , obviously , but got on with minding my own business and staying out of their way . On my second pass , I noted that they were trying to resuscitate him on the grass . I don 't know what 's behind this incident , but it 's the kind that ordinary citizens don 't often get to witness . Given how irritated I currently feel at London 's Metropolitan Police concerning their overall attitude and conduct , it 's maybe good to have a little reminder of what a cop 's day can look like . By my third pass , I would have liked a little chat with a cop myself , to ask them if they were in the habit of towing cars in this neighbourhood , but obviously , it was not a good moment . I was seriously weighing up the possibility though . I have to admit that in reparking my car I had sort of ignored the slightly different regulations for Fridays . I thought I had parked where there weren 't any , but I wasn 't absolutely sure . Still , this is New Zealand ! I couldn 't imagine them towing people for a bit of absent - minded parking . They probably just get your cellphone number from someone who know you and offer to deliver your car to your door in exchange for a small fine . There were obviously several possibilities for looking like an idiot here . The one I liked best involved finding that I really had parked my car much further away than I thought , turning up approximately on time for coffee with my printmaking friend , then sharing with her the knowledge that her newfound acquaintance is an airhead . I decided I really had better walk all the way down to the end of the parade , checking every number plate . I spotted a distant car that looked exactly like every other car around here including mine , wishing deeply and sincerely that it would be . Thankfully , it was . It had been such a nice day yesterday , I must have fancied a long walk back . The rest of the morning went according to plan . I had coffee with Ali , then she took me round the local cemetery in the rain . One of the things she told me is that Wellington really is the way we suspected , and the weather tends to be like this . The cemetery is a very large and amazing place , and what really touched me was the way it includes people of many religions . There is a large section for Chinese Christians , a bit interspersed with graves of people with English names , and probably Protestant denominations . Then there is a very large Jewish section . All the servicemen are together , the Greek Orthodox denomination have a whole hill , Catholic nuns and monks are buried in modest rows . . . unlike one of the prime ministers who offered himself a large canopy arrangement . Ali introduced me to her friend , the one - eyed gravedigger , who keeps her supplied in dog bones . . . Ok , ok , just kidding ! He talks about keeping her supplied in dog bones . He knows everything about everyone who died or is about to die in the immediate future , plus everything about the state of local politics in the cemetery workforce . He let us in to the small chapel , with its very beautiful imported Irish stained glass windows which was really nice of him . I went back later and took some photos of the Jewish cemetery and of the one Indian memorial I could find . I would have liked to do more , but it takes five hours to get to New Plymouth so I have to press on . . . . who are from Sheffield and Rotherham in England . I have driven through Sheffield and Rotherham , NZ , both on South Island , a bit to the west and north - west of Christchurch . I would have taken more photos of both of them , but there is not a lot to see except trees , grass and hills . Actually , Sheffield is a bit bigger than Rotherham as it is in England , and has a pie shop , but somebody had parked a car in front of it , completely obscuring the building . The two villages are much further apart than the the English counterparts , probably 3 or 4 hours drive and actually , I went through Sheffield on Monday , spent a whole day at Hanmer Springs and passed through Rotherham on Wednesday on my way to the ferry . I suppose that both villages may have been founded by people who were from Sheffield and Rotherham , or at least that area , but I didn 't find out . I didn 't know if I had anything to write about Springfield and Christchurch , but Springfield turned out to be quite sweet . The hostel was run by a quite elderly Dutch New Zealand couple , and it really felt like their house done up as a hostel . I slept in a room with pink rosebud wallpaper carefully laid over a very complicated ceiling shape , under a roof at the top of some creaking and rather uneven stairs . The bed looked suspiciously saggy at first glance and the bedspread was faded but it turned out to be ok . There are lots of books all over the place , but unlike most backpackers hostels many must have belonged to their children . Half of them turned out to be in Japanese which surprised me a bit until the owner told me his son was married to a Japanese woman , living in Japan and the kids speak Japanese and English and so on . After that , I realised how many bits of Japanese culture they 'd adopted . There was a Japanese style tub in the shower room though it wasn 't in use , a rack for keeping shoes on , and little labels in Japanese in various places , presumably for the kids . They also had prints and a few books in Dutch , and someone in that household had the taste in contemporary British fiction I was referring to in the last post . That 's pretty cosmopolitan for a tiny country village ! Then I went for a walk around the town , which is basically two parallel streets , a main one and a secondary one . At the corner , I found the Rewi Alley memorial park with boards commemorating the life of a guy from this little place who went off to China and stayed there , becoming a prominent internationalist , campaigning for various causes . It would seem he was also a kind of possibly unofficial diplomat between New Zealand and China . It kind of makes you wonder what contacts with the world the rest of the village has . And actually , all this does not seem atypical of New Zealand . In case you 've come here looking for information about Wanaka Autumn Arts School , welcome to my travel blog ! I 'm putting the information you need first , followed by some information about the printmaking tutor I had there , Rew Hanks . Wanaka Autumn Arts School1 ) You should go to Wanaka Autumn Arts School because : 2 ) You should sign up really early or you won 't get a place . Rew HanksRew does lino prints , sometimes very big ones , sometimes hand coloured ( and probably a bunch of other things I don 't know about ) . Since I really just signed up for something I thought would be fun , I got lucky by liking his work a lot . It 's full of the kinds of historical references that are right up my street , except unfortunately , I came from a different street , and don 't know what most of his stories are about . They really inspired me to find out more about certain aspects of Australian history : Did Ned Kelly have a heart ? Did Kerry Packer have a brain ? Should we clone dodos and introduce them into New Zealand ? ( Okay , I 'm ad libbing a bit here , but that sort of thing . ) OK , that 's it , no need to read any further . . . Especially if you 're from Australia or New Zealand . Move along now , there 's nothing to see that you didn 't already know ! I realised at quite an early stage of the proceedings that I had walked in on something , namely the intimate relationship between Aussies and Kiwis . As usual in this type of situation , it was a bit hard at first to figure out which parts belonged to whom , and when it was figured out perhaps it would have been best to draw a veil over the proceedings . But that rather defeats the purpose of having a travel blog . Essentially , the relationship goes like this : the Aussies , conscious that they have a handful of cities in which it 's possible to get lost , believe themselves to be sophisticated , especially more sophisticated than the Kiwis . The Kiwis , conscious that they have a landscape in which you 're glad to be lost , are in a position to treat this slight in the manner it deserves , namely by humouring the other party whilst not giving a feijoa . With two Brits in the class , it seemed obvious that we might not be allowed to sit on the sidelines and watch , and there were in fact a few attempts to get us to play . Possibly conscious of how the Asians , Belgians , Carribeans , Danes , French , Germans , Hungarians , Irish , Jersey Islanders , etc , would react if we started any of this back home , we weren 't sure if we were up to it . It 's sort of shame , because a few days ago I decided to Google that name they call us down here to find out what it actually means . It turns out they don 't know either , but what I find absolutely just . . . precious . . . is the fact that the Australian and New Zealand governments have passed laws decreeing that they don 't find it offensive if their citizens refer to the English as Poms . I so wish I had known this earlier , because it seems to hold possibilities for having a little fun at their expense . As you can see , I 'm 100 % not offended either , and ready to participate in local customs , but I missed my chance . Actually , both the Kiwis and the Aussies are sophisticated . They 're also talented , pleasant , nice , straightforward , and lots of other good things . They 're so nice in fact , that it made me feel quite humbReally , I had a lot of fun with everything , the printmaking , the talks , the dinner , . . . and went away with a load of inspiration for the messes I 'm going to make when I get back to London and find myself some kind of community printmaking studio to hang around in . In a way , I didn 't quite realise how far it is all the way down to Wanaka . Especially as I perhaps didn 't take the fastest route . I wanted to go along the West Coast via the glaciers , just in case it is my last opportunity to see one ( ! ) The last time I was down here , we went on a wild kiwi spotting tour in Okarito that was one of my most exciting experiences in New Zealand . This time I was just passing through , almost just stopping to sleep in the place . Franz Josef YHA is like Hanmer - one of the classiest . This is the view from my window : In the morning , I went for a quick look at the glacier and another quick look at the forest . It had just rained on the West Coast so the forest was as I like them : all plump lichens and dripping mosses . I really didn 't stay long though , because I wanted to get to Wanaka in time to hang out and relax a bit . There is really not much to say about a day at Hanmer Springs - in the way of adventure and excitement that is . Basically , you go there , get a double entry pass , slouch around in warm water , go and swim a few laps , repeat until wrinkled . Then , go to the cafe , order breakfast at about 1pm ( I love all day breakfast ) , do a little writing . Go for a walk in Hanmer Forest then a quick nap . Round about when it gets dark , return to continue slouching in warm water . I could do this every day for months on end , except for one little problem . It seems that after even one day of it , I have to wait another three days for my skin to recover . New Zealand has a way of making things easy . I think it 's because there 's just the right size population density that people are reasonably cosmopolitan in their outlook but can still manage to go around treating people like people . If you happen to get lost on your way somewhere it 's easy to pull over and figure it out without having to think too much about other traffic . The shops tend to have exactly what you need and no more . The art shop in Wellington had exactly what I need for the print making workshop . Accommodation pretty much always comes with a kettle , a toaster , a fridge , a microwave and a full set of plates and cutlery . If you happen to be hapless and indecisive , the kiwis let you get away with it . I supposedly printed out my ferry ticket last night and discovered this morning that it only printed the email header . No worries . I discovered that the coffee machine on the ferry dispensed brown water instead of long blacks . Oh well , that 's what it does , but no worries , chuck it out and go and buy a real one downstairs . If this goes on much longer , I am going to really struggle when I get back home . Or , more likely , as soon as I get to Asia . It was raining hard as we croosed the Cook Strait and it was choppy as usual but it isn 't likely to affect me . All my family knows this already , but for any other readers who happen here , this is a fun factlet : the ferry that plies the Cook Strait under the name of Kaitaki is really the Pride of Cherbourg and I 've been riding it across the channel since I was so high . It 's very funny to find a cross - channel ferry down here , not to mention thinking up little stories about its migration to New Zealand . I was supposed to be getting four hours of work done on the ferry crossing , but getting up at 5 am had not helped my concentration and I spent the time watching the large flock of black birds flying ahead of the boat instead . It 's a longish drive from Picton to Hanmer Springs and when I got there and checked in to the hostel , my attitude was something like : " Well , this is05 : 40 It is a funny thing about being on your own . You are under no obligation to agree on plans with other people so you don 't even agree with them yourself . Half the time I don 't really know what I want to do until I 've done it . This morning , I didn 't know if I wanted to go up to the start of the Tongariro or to swim in lake Taupo . I also had some writing to finish . I decided to collect everything I could possibly need and just set out and see what happened . At the intersection I drove towards Taupo , and stopped at the best picnic spot along the lake . For some reason this is a spot I always end up in . It was cold even out of the water and I realised I had forgotten my towel , a change of underwear and my hiking boots . I sat in the car with the door open , looking out over the lake and writing . When I finished a big piece of writing I evicted a large bumblebee and several smaller bugs from the car and decided what I really wanted now was poached eggs . For some reason , I 'm addicted to poached eggs in New Zealand . I sat in the cafe , tidied up my writing work , and considered the fact that I still didn 't know what I wanted to do . I decided that if I drove back to my picnic spot and parked in the sun the car would turn into a green house . I could go swimming in my wetsuit , then warm up in the car even without a towel . Then I could drive to Tongariro , by which time my swimsuit would be dry and I would go for a late afternoon walk along the easy parts . Actually , at one point I tried to convince myself I would be better off returning to the hot springs , and that the cost of entry would make up for the savings in petrol . It was only the thought that this would be boring of me that made me change my mind and follow the plan instead . I stayed in my room all morning , working and drinking cups of coffee . It had suddenly got so quiet I couldn 't tear myself away . Eventually , I decided I had better go and do some drawing in the Tongariro forest , so I have something ready for my printmaking workshop in a week . I got there and found that the forest as I had seen it on two other occasions was more special than I realised . Now all the lichens , mosses and ferns are dry and thin . It 's a good job I have some photographs . I set about doing some composition drawings anyway . I am starting to worry about whether I will be able to get everything I need for this workshop together in time . I have to buy lino cutting tools - and if you know New Zealand , you will know that you don 't just suddenly decide you need something like that and go out and buy it in some random small town . I decided I would have to cruise the art shops of Wellington and if that failed , those of Christchurch . I wondered what would happen if I couldn 't get any . Later I wandered off to see another forest the hostel manager had told me about , but I really felt drawn to the lake and mostly hung out there till evening . Even though our hostel is full of people who do proper cooking , I 'm not feeling interested at the moment . In New Zealand , there is a brand of ready - made Indian food you buy in pots , which doesn 't need refrigerating . To my delight , Turangi 's New World had the full range , so I now have enough meals to keep me going for quite a long time . I was so tired in the morning that all I could do was drive into Taupo in the morning to get poached eggs for breakfast and sit there looking spaced out . Everyone was being intensely solicitous of me , today and yesterday , and I couldn 't figue out why . I supposed I looked exhausted , but not that bad ! Then I realised that Easter is this big family holiday in New Zealand when everyone gets together and here I am on my own . Of course , they don 't realise that as far as I 'm concerned Easter is something I 'm vaguely aware of as a practical issue of what will be open and where the crowds will be . Well , I have eaten my share of hot cross buns , but I am not in the mood for NZ 's version of chocolate . Seems like we went straight from mince pies to hot cross buns this year ! After ' brunch ' I went and dozed by the lake for a while , then checked in at my hostel where I dozed some more . It is probably just as well that I did . Hostels vary in their character from night to night , but what they seem to have in common is small rooms and poor soundproofing . This is the biggest room , I 've had so far , though it has other issues , such as the smell . It is in some kind of converted worker 's hostel , wildly decorated in an unprofessional but determinedly international style . Which it has earned , as you will see . The real problem is the group of European kids who were staying here when I arrived . When I say ' kids ' I mean old enough to travel round the world without adult supervision , but you wish they weren 't . They came in at 10 . 30 , started playing Tag in the corridor , . . . eventually went to bed , woke up at 6 . 30 , chattering and squealing like a playground . The next night , the kitchen seemed to contain nobody but a couple of Chinese ladies , cooking something very complicated for their quiet , pleasant families and chatting in low voices . The night after that , the kitchen was full of a more sober variety of Europeans and Americans , seasoned travellers chatting and exchanging ideas . In the morning a small group of girls who might have been Malaysiat I woke up to intense rain in Napier and decided to get out of there as soon as possible . As soon as possible isn 't very early with me , because I work on my writing early and don 't check out until the last moment of 10 o ' clock . But when I did , I didn 't hang around Napier . I headed for Taupo , through showers and slides as usual until suddenly , the sun came out . I decided to spend some of the afternoon in Taupo dealing with a bunch of administration and internet related stuff . The place was absolutely packed with Kiwi families on their Easter break . I have never seen New Zealand like this , not at the height of the tourist season . I had a bunch of ideas for how to spend the afternoon , but when I checked in at my cabin , the hosts gave me a 25 % discount pass for DeBrett 's hot springs , so that settled it . I got out my new bathing suit and headed for the hot pools . They were a little different from any I had seen in New Zealand before , because they had a greenish colour . I wondered if MIke would like them , and thought it probably was just as well we hadn 't tried to come as a family last time we were here . They were very warm , so I lounged around for a couple of hours , relaxing and people watching . A lot of people are here , as I suspected , enjoying their Easter weekend . But it is not so packed as to be uncomfortable . I had thought when I checked in to my cabin that it was a particularly nice one . I had not realised it had no heater until I arrived back in the twilight , already feeling cold . I lay in bed and shivered all night and promised myself I would not stay in any more cabins now it was autumn . This one was the best value I could find in Taupo at the holiday , but in general , backpackers hostels work out cheaper for a single person anyway , and they are warm ! They are not cheaper , or more convenient for long - term family travel , which is why I have never really had the chance to discover the before . I had this vague plan in the back of my mind to go to Te Urewera . It 's a wild and densely forested national park , somewhere in the middle of the north east . It was problematic : the road might be washed out - the national park website is uncertain about this and so are the rumours flying round the hostel . It would take a long time getting there . Suddenly realising yesterday evening that easter weekend was upon me , I thought I had better reserve some places to sleep and arranged a hostel in Napier . If I sacrificed my writing time in the morning and left super - early , I might get to Te Urewera and on to Napier in a day . Assuming getting there was possible at all . All that to see a wood . Eventually , I decided it was a good thing I had not gone , because it rained most of the day in longish , heavy showers . For once , I was glad to be driving an automatic , because my hand was constantly on the wiper lever , trying to adapt . The road did not seem especially interesting , until I came over a pass and looked down on to a wide gorge with the biggest brownest muddiest river I have ever seen flowing through it . Unfortunately , there was not a very good place to take a photo of it . Once I got down to the river level , I pulled into a picnic site under a viaduct and discovered I could not see much from there , except for two dead sheep , with very impressive horns , occupying the middle of the picnic area . I must be a strange kind of person because I was more interested than put off by them . I sat in the car eating my lunch and wondering how two of them managed to die right here on a perfectly flat piece of unflooded grass , far from steep cliff faces . Maybe they had fought each other to exhaustion with those horns of theirs . Other people kept driving in to the picnic stop , noticing the two dead sheep and driving off again . In the end , I found this behaviour disconcerting and drove off myself to find an open cafe and do a couple of hours of work . There are lots of people on the road for Good Friday , and work crews have obviously been hard at work to make those roads passable . I drove along the edge of a lake that was trying to overflow onto the road . At various places , I could see where the road crews had bulldozed their way through mudslides . My goal is not to be around when one happens . I found a flooded picnic area I couldn 't get into , but it is perhaps the most photogenic face of the flooding . So when are we going to learn that you can 't just deforest , huh ? This doesn 't look so good either . Actually , the photos in this post are a trail of destruction . I got to Napier where the weather was beautiful . I went for a long walk along the beach watching the high surf crash and throw the driftwood around , then back to my hostel at sunset . So - it is really cool in the hostels ' cause there 's all these people to socialise with ( err , depending on their social skills ) . I was down there making my dinner while a group of older people were sitting around eating a homemade apple pie one of them had brought . I didn 't think much about it till one of them asked me if I wanted a plateful and handed it to me . Of course , I thought that was nice of her so I said I would eat it for dessert and took it to a table with my main course . No sooner had I started eating but another member of the group walked over to my table and demanded to know what I was doing with the apple pie . So I pointed out the person who offered it to me , then they nearly had a stand up row over whether I could have the pie or not while I protested that it was ok , I didn 't have to have the pie ! The possessive pie person stormed off with the plate , dumped it out into the pie dish and presumably dumped that out into the bin . Can you imagine ? ! Well then , I couldn 't let the woman who offered me the pie go on apologising all evening , so I tried to change the subject of conversation to her group and their trip . She didn 't seem keen to tell me much about that ( ? ) , but she did tell me all about earthquakes , flooding and high seas , so it worked out . Wow , what must it be like to share a room with possesive - pie - person though ? ! I have to have my own room so I can socialise at my discretion . ( Actually , Napier YHA does have impressive architecture and nice rooms as well - ' interesting ' co - guests not guaranteed ! ) . It is definitely the end of the tourist season in New Zealand . Yesterday 's newspaper had the headline ' Where have all the crowds gone ? ' I feel a bit like a swallow that 's decided it can 't be bothered with flying south ( or north ) for the winter and has decided to stay on . At the moment I 'm basking in the peace and quiet and it 's every bit as pleasant as it was last week . The rain cleared up to leave patches of pale blue sky , the trees are dripping and a few are showing signs of autumnal colour which is a surprise for New Zealand . The local white backed magpies are out in force . After I finished a few hours of work , I set off to explore the parts of East Cape immediately above Gisborne as far as Anaura Bay . Actually , Anaura Bay was a bit forbidding in its beauty . It contained a few houses and a shut down motor camp covered in signs informing members of the public that Anaura Bay has no public facilities but they will be prosecuted if they use those of the camp . I hardly dared park outside its gate , even though there was nowhere else to park . Fortunately , I didn 't have to stay long because the only access to the beach arrived in a small section of sand fenced in by a couple of deepish rivers heading for the ocean . I snapped a few photos and left . I fared rather better at Tolaga Bay . It has a smart car park , public facilities and a team of people planting trees to make it even better next year . I walked out along the ' very long historic ( and crumbling ) wharf ' , noting that it would be a bad idea to lean on such parts of the barrier as remained to take photos . I eyed the heavy swells and breakers nervously . They were brownish - yellow with mud and sand and I felt sure that if I ended up in them , I would be abraded to death before I drowned . Next , I walked up the road to take a look at Cook 's Cove walkway . I wasn 't at all sure I wanted to climb a muddy hill today , but you know what it 's like . Once you start , it 's hard to stop . I told myself there might be good views at the top , so up I went and over a stile . A hundred metres further on , I discovered that someone had put a bull in this field . Just the other night , I had a dream in which a bull charged me and I just stood there thinking ' na , he 'll swerve at the last minute ' . Which of course he didn 't . I remembered the dream and felt apprehensive , but true to form , I thought ' na , why would he ? ' I kept on walking along the edge of the field but the next time I glanced at him , he was pawing the ground and glaring at me in a way that would be familiar to anyone who has much experience with bulls . I decided to let discretion be the better part of valour , hopped over the wire fence and scrambled back along it to the stile . I would just make do with the view from here . I must say that though the countryside here is as beautiful as usual , it has a stripped bare look as though this was not the sort of land that could afford to lose its trees . I expect that may account for the muddiness of the rivers and even the ocean . Wow , that was quite a drive . I started from Ohope , along the coast to Opotiki , then down this infamous Waioeka Gorge that they close at 5 . 30 . I wondered if they do that because of road works or so the kiwis can get some peace . Anyway , it is beautiful and wild , and I had the road pretty much to myself . But every time I caught sight of the river I noticed how brown it was against the green forest . That was strange , as if it had been raining hard and dumped soil into the river . I hadn 't noticed any rain the last few days . After a while , it occurred to me that a river gorge couldn 't possibly cut through a cape from shore to shore and eventually I would have to climb a pass . No sooner had I thought it than I started going up and small spitlets of water started hitting the windscreen . Further ahead I could see one high hill after another stretching back into mist and dark grey cloud . The other side of the pass was rainier but it wasn 't until I reached the flat fields and vineyards around Gisborne that it got torrential . The closer I got to the ocean , the harder it rained , until my wipers couldn 't keep up . Around me the fields had turned to rectangular ponds and the ditches were full and spilling out over the road . I wondered how long this had been going on for . Quite a while by the looks of things . I drove through a nearly drowned Gisborne over a fat brown river and reached the YHA . Whatever it may lack in luxury it makes up for in architecture . It is the largest house I have been in for a long time - lego block motels don 't count . In the dark and the rain it gave the impression of being a sort of cream coloured Victorian Gothic pile , only made of wood . Outside it smells of wet leaves , which for some reason , makes me think of London . Inside , it is full of people hanging out in the living room , watching television and wondering when it will stop raining ( I suppose that should also make me think of London ) . I have a room of my own which is just as well as I have a backlog of work to do . I am just curling up with my snacks and my computer . I certainly want no part of the rest of Gisborne in this weather . I earned this beach ! I spent all the time getting here worrying about things : that the road to Gisborne would be shut at 5 . 30 and that I didn 't really have time to do this , that my gas meter was apparently locked on the half tank setting because it is broken and I would run out of petrol somewhere in the middle of nowhere , that Ohope Beach wouldn 't be as nice as it was four years ago . None of those things happened : Ohope Beach is wild , windy , full of clouds and spray , blue sky and waves you wouldn 't touch with a bargepole . The first thing it did is blow the lens cap off my camera . I probably didn 't notice straight away because the lens cap was tied to a little dangly thing . When I did notice , I looked to see where the lens cap might be and saw sand , seaweed and smaller pieces of driftwood tearing down the beach away from me at mach speed . Goodbye lens cap . Anyway , I earned this beach because this morning I went to buy a new swimming costume . I had already found a shop that sells swimming costumes but I needed a couple of days to steel myself for the task . If I used up all the words in the thesaurus under ' hate ' it wouldn 't even begin to cover the way I feel about shopping for clothes . But I had to , so I went down to the store and picked three items of random sizes , having no idea what size I am in New Zealand . Turns out it made no difference , because the sizing varies with the brand of costume but I am always between two of them , though not necessarily the same two . Then I walked all around the store to find the changing rooms which are at the other end . You are only allowed three items at a time and you have to ring for a shop assistant to open the door each time . I budgeted to repeat the process a couple of times . Five times later , the only thing keeping me going was the fact that I had forced the issue by throwing my threadbare old swimming costume away in the hotel I had just checked out of . There are two kinds of reaction to buying swimming costumes : you can either think ' I look ridiculous in this costume ' anat Te Puia is a centre for Maori arts , set in a geothermal area , with a gallery , various traditional Maori buildings and a nocturnal kiwi house . I went there , sort of planning to draw and look at Maori carvings , but in the end the only one I drew was this koru design with a cicada skin resting on it on it . It was the juxtaposition that interested me , the carving itself is a mere decoration on the post of an audio guide . I wish it were a better drawing but it does sum up my experience of New Zealand forests : ferns and cicadas singing away . I spent a long time sitting on top of a platform watching the geyser make its own mini weather system : blowing mists , pattering showers of water on rocks , and underneath all that , a dull thumping , like a heartbeat . The mound deposited by the water is riddled with what look like mouse holes , but they are vents , ringed with yellow sulphur . It 's funny how sometimes our interest is not drawn principally by the things we came to see . In the cafe , on the parasol above my head there is a sparrow pattering and hopping around . I can see its feet and tail sharply outlined on the canvas and a vaguer shadow of the rest . A lady at the next table has remarked on how the sparrows are circling us and how she 's glad they 're not sharks . Then she went off into a comparison with the behaviour of sparrows in England 's lake district . I looked at these ones and wondered if sparrows around the world are starting to evolve to be different . Next thing I know two little sparrow heads are peering down over the edge of the parasol . Another is sitting on the chair back opposite . It is fairly obese and doesn 't look at all capable of the behaviour of the sparrows in Orkney , who seemed to want to become humming birds . It 's not that I didn 't pay attention to the kiwi . One of the exciting things about Te Puia is the nocturnal kiwi house , which is just about the only way to realistically observe a kiwi at close quarters . You can really see how it pokes and prods with that crescent moon beak it 's got , and how it looks like a pompom with legs from a whole lot of angles . At Te Puia , you can see trainee carvers and weavers at work and some of their output , as well as a lot of excellent carvings all over the place . I noted from one sign that a third of the curriculum on the carving course consisted of learning the iconography , which did not surprise me . Also , the carvers here do not work under tapu . That is interesting , because it gives them and their output a different status from the usual one . I wondered if it was a situation that encouraged experimentation . Sure enough , a few minutes later , I found myself in the gallery , looking at a very traditional appearing Maori ancestor carrying , instead of the usual axe of paddle , a long rifle , with the metal parts exquisitely carved in bone . I don 't know if that has anything to do with tapu but it was an interesting departure from tradition . I believe we 've been travelling for a year today , so it must be day 366 , even though I seem to have lost some days somewhere . If anyone is clever enough to notice it was a leap year , I have also allowed for the day we lost as we crossed the Pacific . Anyway , on to other things . Today was a long day that started at the house we left in Okiato and ended in Rotorua . Over 450 kilometres through sections of New Zealand that have population densities approaching those of Europe , on roads that were meant for low population densities . After I left Mike and Antonia at Auckland airport I did the second half of the journey in a daze . It is always hard to drive with a handheld gps on one 's knee to do the navigating . Mine has the creative routing skills of a child and it is always worth second - guessing it , but that is a yet another thing to do , so I didn 't . Eventually , Ireached Rotorua . I had forgotten how much the places stinks - of sulphur technically , but it might just as well be rotten eggs . It comes in gusts too , so that you can 't even get used to it . By 6pm , it felt like at least 9pm . I had no intention of drinking Rotorua 's tap water given the pungency of its air and I was suddenly becoming conscious of the fact that I 'd had next to nothing to drink all day . I set off walking to Hell 's Pizza which was just round the corner , slowly realised how big the corner was and went back for my car . I sat and waited for my pizza wondering if I would pass out from dehydration . Then I drove to the supermarket , which is about a mile away just across the street and bought a ten litre jerry can of water . I think I was so thirsty that it looked like just enough . Somehow , I hauled the ten litres of water , the pizza and the salad up to my room . I tried to open my jerry can of water , because drinking its contents was my top priority and discovered to my dismay that the cap was designed to be removed by big strong guys who are not dying of thirst . I wondered if I would die before I could get help , then , amazingly enough the cap came off . I decanted a glass of water , and started trying to fit my jerrycan into the fridge . I removed the fridge shelves , but there was still no way ! I decided to give up before the bottle split and spilled nearly ten litres of water all over the floor . Two more glasses of water later andat |
With Celia , I was a complete wreck . She wouldn 't latch on , or take a bottle . So for the first few weeks of her life , she was impossible to deal with . I cried more than I ever admitted to anyone . Partly because I felt like a failure , and partly because I was in so much pain from trying to get her to nurse . Finally , the pediatrician yelled at me ( not meanly , but he did make me feel pretty crappy ) , and told me to get a lactation consultant to come in and help . So I called , she came , and while she did help get Celia latching properly , it still wasn 't a pleasant experience for either of us . By the time I went back to work , I had weaned her to nursing only before and after day care , and throughout the evening . So I didn 't have to pump while at work . I wanted to spend as much time at home with her as possible , instead of an extra hour at work to make up for the time I spent pumping . And by the time she was 4 and a half months old , she had completely weaned herself , and was exclusively bottle fed from then on . This time around , I had absolutely no expectations , and didn 't have my heart set on nursing exclusively at all . Which was a good thing , because the minute I was in recovery , and they tested Seth 's blood sugar , the nicu nurse insisted on getting him fed immediately ( it was like 52 , which is a tad low ) . Since I was pretty exhausted and out of it , and knew that nursing at that moment was NOT going to happen , I gave the OK to give him a bottle of formula . Same thing went for that night . Since I was alone in the room and had had a C - section , and was still hooked up to my lovely catheter , getting up to change him or feed him was just not happening . So off to the nursery he went , and I got me some sleep ! The next day , after the catheter was out , and I was feeling a bit better , I decided to try nursing . Of course , he didn 't latch on . And it hurt . So I gave up after about 5 minutes . The nurse brought in a pump for me to try , which was great . I got mere drops the first dozen times , but it was something . She also helped me gePosted by This post was going to be written on Tuesday , but it just never happened ! Sleep takes priority over blogging these days . Tuesday , Celia turned 4 ! She got to open one present in the morning , and two after school , and she loved them all . We got her the new They Might Be Giants kids CD / DVD combo . I slept through most of it , but apparently she made Nathan put it on right away , and was singing one of the songs by the time I got up a bit later . Nathan took cup cakes into school for her to celebrate with her friends and teachers , which she was also really excited about . Then after school , Nathan picked up her cake , got her , and came home and we ordered food from Red Robin for dinner . It was the perfect day for her ! And , also on Tuesday , Seth turned 1 week old ! So far , he 's a really good baby . He sleeps for around 3 hours at a time , which is fantastic . He 's opening his eyes more , moving around a bit more , and stays awake for more than 10 minutes at a time . Yesterday he was up for nearly 2 hours ! I 'm enjoying not being at work and getting to spend time with my beautiful boy . It 's much more enjoyable than the first few weeks with Celia . Partially because he sleeps better , partially because I 'm not stressing over nursing ( which I 'll still post about later ) . Celia is doing pretty well with him . The only issue is that he does wake up a lot in the middle of the night , and she is a pretty light sleeper . She usually gets up once with us , and sometimes twice . This morning , she was up with us at 5 : 20 , and was NOT going to go back to sleep . I had my 1 week post - op appointment with my OB this morning . Apparently the incision looks great , he pulled the last bits of tape off , which hurt like hell , but now it 's all gone . He 's pleased with how the surgery went , which is good . I go back next week , and at that point I will be able to drive again . It 's good that I can 't , because it would be way too easy to over do it . Especially when the recovery from the C - section has been WAY easier this time than last time . The first 3 days were absolute Posted by Thanks so much for the well wishes and contratulations ! So far , we 're all doing well ! I 'm exhausted , sore , and still a bit surprised that Seth is here already , but at the same time I 'm SO excited ! ! Here 's a rundown of what happened over the last few days . It 's been quite the ride ! Sunday 2 / 17 : 11PM , I took my last dose of Pro . cardia . I was so glad to be able to take it , because I had started having more regular contractions by 10 or so . Thankfully , after I had some water and went up to bed , they stopped , and I was feeling a bit better . Monday 2 / 18 : I got a few things done around the house , but mostly relaxed . I did run out to the mall to pick up a few nursing tops , because when I tried to order them online , they only had horrible colors and styles . Plus I was feeling surprisingly pretty good , so I figured why not ? ! Especially when the OB / MFM both told me that I could start doing a little more once I was past 36 weeks . After dinner , I relaxed some more . And was really excited about not having many more contractions , and overall feeling pretty great . I actually began thinking that I may actually make it to March 4th ! By about 11 , I started having a few irregular contractions , but they were definitely uncomfortable . I went to bed and didn 't think anything of it , since even on the pro . cardia , this was completely normal . Tuesday 2 / 19 : I woke up at 1 to go to the bathroom , and noticed immediately that I was extremely sore . By the time I got into the bathroom I had had a contraction that made me stop in my tracks . I went back to bed , and tried to fall asleep , but it wasn 't happening . Every 5 minutes , I was contracting , and they weren 't pleasant . Worse than any I was having before , even in the hospital . I went to the bathroom about 8 more times in the next 2 hours . Around about 3 , I went downstairs to tell Nathan what was going on , and that I was debating on whether to call my OBs office or not . I then decided to give falling asleep one more try , so I went upstairs , grabbed some water , and layed down . I somehow passed out iPosted by Greetings ! Shelby and I would like you to help us welcome Seth Nathan Bidwell into the world . He was born on Tuesday the 19th of Febuary at 5 : 30 PM , weighing 6 pounds . If you 'd like to see some pictures , please feel free to visit http : / / bidwellfamily . net / images / v / SethBorn / . I expect that I 'll be adding a couple more pictures there in the next couple of days as well . Nathan posting for Shelby to get checked at least . Contractions started up last night around 11 , and went straight through the morning . About 2 - 6 minutes apart , varying . I slept a little , but not much . Of course , they were really bad at 3 , but waited until 7 : 30 to call the answering service because I didn 't know what to do with Celia . More later if I know more ! To start , I 'm feeling pretty good today . Definitely having contractions , but they are irregular . However last night before bed , there was a good 50 minutes straight where I was contracting every 4 minutes ( about an hour before my last dose ) . I was getting nervous and thought about calling the OBs office , and would have if after laying down to go to sleep , it hadn 't stopped . But thankfully my last dose , and laying down made them slow down . So far so good today . Thank goodness ! ! As for the change in plans , my mom called this morning and she sounded a little odd . She mentioned that she was having some mild chest pains over the weekend , and that her Doc wanted her to go to the hospital to have some tests run . But to try to hold off the baby for a few more days . That was just after 8 . I went and took a nice nap ( an hour and a half ! ) , and went outside to join Celia and Nathan for a bit . I came in to make lunch around 12 : 30 , and my stepfather called . I was expecting this , so I wasn 't caught off guard . Apparently my mom had suffered a mild heart attack some time over the weekend . They didn 't know when , but it seems to be what happened . She 's in the hospital for a few days , and they 'll run more tests . My step father had been in class ( he 's a finance professor at UB ) all morning , and had only just heard from her . So he called me immediately , and told me what had happened , and said that my mom would not likely be able to come up and help out after the baby comes . And same goes for Celia 's trip up there , to assume that it 's going to be cancelled . But to call a nanny service tomorrow , and find someone to come to the house to help me out for a few weeks after baby comes , and to send them the bill . I 'm not sure if I 'll go that far to do that , but it was really nice for him to offer . I am still a bit shocked , but I know heart disease does run in my family . My mom 's mother died of a heart attack while driving ( wasn 't wearing a seat belt and smashed into a tree when I was 6 months old ) , my father 's father died of a heart attack whePosted by I took my second - to - last dose at 5 . After dinner , I put the last one in the bathroom , where I 'll take it right before I go to sleep tonight . I don 't know why I 'm so afraid of what 's going to happen ! Worst case , I 'm in pain . I call the OBs office when I get up , and end up in the hospital delivering the boy tomorrow . Best case , I 'm feeling some contractions , but not many more than I am now . I know this is completely out of my hands , and I have to roll with the punches . All I know for sure , is that the last few days have been hard , and I 've had way more contractions than I have in the last few weeks . As pill time comes , I 've been really feeling it , where before , it would take at least an hour before I noticed anything . Now it 's about an hour before . This weekend we spent a lot of time in stores picking up last minute things , and getting as much ready as we can . Infant car seats are installed . Laundry is all done . I think we have everything we should need now . Or at least I hope we do . Something tells me that this week is the week . We 'll see if I 'm right . I can 't believe I 'm already at 36 weeks ! It feels like the last few months have flown by so fast . And now we 're about as ready as we can be ! We headed over to Buy Buy Baby after Celia 's gymnastics class today to grab a few last minute things . I was also going to go ahead and buy a Medela pumpNstyle . But , as I was looking at the different models , I wasn 't sure which one to get , a new mom actually came up to me and mentioned that they 're way cheaper if you buy them through SG hospital 's lacation consultants . I guess her mom works there , and they will even help you pick the best model for you , and show you how to use it . So I decided to wait and I 'll do it that way . All along I 've been pretty ambivalent about nursing this time , since last time it was a total nightmare . But , after reading Karen 's recent posts , and talking with the other second time mom at work yesterday , I decided that I really do want to at least give it a serious try this time . And that even if the baby doesn 't latch well at all , a real pump will help me to be able to give the baby breastmilk for as long as possible . I do feel it 's a good idea to at least really give it a good try this time . If it goes well , I may even decide to pump at work , instead of having him onto a nursing schedule like I did with Celia ( only nursing in the mornings and evenings , but not during the day , so I didn 't have to pump at all ) . Anyway , only 5 more pills left , until I 'm off the meds . I 'm trying not to think about it at all , and hope that I 'll be lucky and the contractions won 't start up again for a while . Of course , I had procrastinated on pre - registering at the hospital , so I did that ( online ! Yeah ! ) a few minutes ago . I 'm ready ! And I 'm hoping that the fact that I 'm ready will mean that the baby isn 't ready to make his appearence for another 2 weeks and 4 days . I 'm getting excited , but I 'm also really nervous . Especially about the whole being cut open part . Well , today was my last day going into work . I 'm going to be working from home next week and the week after until the baby comes ( if it takes that long ) . I 'm so lucky to have a supervisor who is so understanding about these things ! Thankfully we both know that the longer I take it easy , the longer I can continue to work , even if it is remotely . And we have some major huge deadlines that I need to work towards finishing . Or at least wrapped up enough for someone else to finish . I 'm going to have to work this weekend a bit to make sure everything is ready to go , just in case . The highlight of my day was a baby shower that my co - workers gave for us ( there are 3 of us who are due between my date and the first week of April , and one guy whose wife is due April 10th . So it was a joint shower for the 4 of us , which was perfect ! We had a big cake , with frosting booties in each corner ( 3 sets of pink ones , one set of blue ) with our names under them . We all cut the cake , and relaxed and chatted for an hour and a half or so . I was very pleased when my boss had mentioned that they had decided to a joint one , and to only get gifts for the person having their first ( three of us are on our second ) . Though there was a little surprise , and we all got a toy for our babies . My little guy got a really cute turtle toy , which I absolutey love ! Celia 's excited to show him how to use it too , which is cool . One other fun thing was that they did a pool . For $ 2 , you had to guess the delivery dates and times of all 4 of us . And whoever gets closest ( and second closest ) will win parts of the pool . I am hoping for my delivery to happen March 4th , as is scheduled . But somehow I doubt it will happen ( considering if I 'm an hour late on my meds , I have more contractions that are stronger and more painful ) . So I put down Wednesday , Feb . 20th . We 'll see if I 'm right on that , or way off base . I have no idea . After that , I left and stopped at Great Beginnings to pick up a few things ( one more sheet for the crib , and a sheet for the basinette and packNPosted by I had my 36 week OB and MFM appointments today , since I 'm 36 weeks on Sat . And they both went pretty well . The only kicker is that I 'm supposed to stop taking my Pro . cardia on monday . And if I start having frequent contractions , I call and they 'll have an OB ( hopefully mine ) meet me at SG hospital for the surgery . At this point , if I deliver , everything should go pretty textbook , so there 's no need to keep medicating . The reasoning for waiting until monday is that if I need to have surgery fast , it 's easier to get an OB to the hospital quicker when the office is open , versus over a weekend . Sono went well , everything still looks good . Amniotic fluid levels were a little high again , which is something to watch , but obviously I 'm doing what I can with my sugars at this point , so I can 't really stop it now . This weekend , I 'll have to do as much as possible to make sure I " m ready for the possibility that baby may come next week . So much to do , so little time ! ! Yikes ! I really dislike ice ! I can handle feet of snow , but when it ices , I turn into a baby and won 't leave the house . This morning was particularly difficult . I have a meeting at work at 9 : 15 , that I really want to go to ( it 's an update on the grant I 'm on , which expires in August , and we 're supposed to hear that there 's still work to do after that 's over ) . So , when I woke up and saw that the Fed Gov 't was on delayed arrival by 2 hours , and that several people from my group weren 't making it in , due to schools being delayed . So , after Nathan spent 20 minutes chipping ice off of the stairs to the house , I decided to stay home . I have less than 3 weeks to go , and would hate to get into an accident now . There still hasn 't been an announcement saying that the meeting has been postponed , which shocks me ( usually they are ) . So looks like I 'm missing it . Which does not make me happy . But I 'd never forgive myself if I slipped and fell , or got into an accident . I have to keep reminding myself that right now , the most important thing is to keep my baby safe . Everything else comes second . Of course , I feel guilty about it though . So far this week , I 've worked from home because I planned on going in today , tomorrow and Friday . I really wanted to make it in 3 times this week ! Tomorrow and Friday aren 't an option - I have to go in . So , lets hope the ice melts today ! I also have 2 appointments tomorrow ! First with my OB , and in the afternoon with my MFM . I 'm curious to see how things are going in there ! I 'm hoping the fluid levels are going down a bit more , but I have no idea . It 's impossible to tell ! My sugars have been OK , but not perfect . So we 'll see . So , Monday afternoon I got really irritated with our bathroom 's wallpaper border . I made an effort to just do it for 5 minutes , and it only took 2 to get the front layer off ( the printed part ) . Now all that 's up is the backing . Which needs a few sprays of water and a little scraping to come off . But at least it will be easy in there . The upstairs bathroom however , will be quite the Posted by Just a warning - this post is going to be all over the place ! And the last section will be a bit sensitive , but you 'll know when it 's coming . First , here 's a pic of Celia at her birthday party last weekend . Every time I look at this pic , I smile . She looks so happy , it 's impossible for me not to . I 've definitely hit the nesting stage now . The frustrating thing is that I shouldn 't be doing too much , so I 'm choosing to do tasks that aren 't labor intensive . Like organize all of my loose knitting patterns in a binder . And re - organize and inventory my knitting stash . Let 's just say I have WAY too much yarn . Like 5 bins worth . Enough to knit enough socks to last the rest of my lifetime , at least 3 sweaters for myself , one for Nathan , and 5 or 6 for Celia . It 's really that bad . But it was fun to look through the bins and see all of the colors , feel how soft it all is . . . and even get inspired to work on one of the projects I had started and stashed in a bin because it wasn 't moving along fast enough . What projects do I really want to be working on ? ? The bathrooms . They both have nasty wallpaper ( our bathroom has a border , and Celia 's has nasty floral wall paper covering everything ) , all of which is falling off . And making me crazy ! It 's literally taking every ounce of willpower I have not to grab a scraper and a water bottle and just get the crap off ! And paint the rooms . And tear out the tile baseboards in Celia 's bathroom ( they really need to go ) . But , I 'm behaving , and not doing any of it . Today , we had Celia 's sibling class over at the hospital . It wasn 't at the hospital I 'll be delivering at , but it 's at the hospital I would have been had I not elected for a tubal ligation ( more on this later ) . So she got to sit in a class with two other boys , one of which was just younger than her , the other was closer to 6 . She was so cute ! She kept talking about how excited she was , and whenever the instructor asked the kids questions , she was the first to answer , and had really great answers . Then there was a tour of the mother - babyPosted by I had an appointment with my MFM this morning , and it went quite well ! I had a Biophysical Profile , and passed with flying colors ! ! My amniotic fluid levels weren 't perfect , but lower than they were last week , which she was thrilled with . They didn 't check my cervix , which I 'm assuming is because it doesn 't really matter what it 's doing at this point . She thinks that as long as I keep doing what I 'm doing , all should be fine . Good to hear , and great to have good news ! I did pack my suitcase last night , just to be ready . I figured that if I was prepared , everything would be fine , and there would be no surprise visits to the hospital . And for once , that worked out ! I go back to my OB next Thurs , and then that afternoon , I see my MFM again for another ultrasound . Thursdays will be the day of appointments for the next few weeks ! My OB 's office called this morning to work on details for my C - section / tubal ligation . Apparently when he looked at the calendar and picked a date , he didn 't realize that he 's at the other hospital all day that day ! So , we 're going with March 4th instead . At 2pm . I 'm all scheduled , so let 's hope that this is actually going to be the day . I 'm curious to see how much it changes ( which I completely expect it to ) . I 'm guessing for the week earlier , once we see how my sugars are effecting everything . I 'm being as good as possible , but sometimes it still doesn 't matter . Well , Saturday was Celia 's 4th birthday party , at Chuck E Cheese . She was so adorable , and excited all morning . And was just SO happy to see her friends and teachers come to play with her . She had an absolute blast ! It 's hard to believe how big she 's getting ! ! I can 't believe she 'll be 4 in 3 weeks ! I 'm just so glad I got to be there , and saw how happy she was . I do have some pics on my camera , I just haven 't taken them off yet . When I do , I 'll put one up . I did realize that it 's very easy for me to overdo it right now though . Saturday I went to Target to pick up a few things for the goody bags , and went to the grocery store to get the cake . Then at the party , I tried to sit down as much as I could . But apparently it wasn 't enough . By Saturday night , I was having a lot more contractions than I had been lately . And yesterday , was just bad . I physically hurt and ache whenever I move because I 'm so sore . And I " m still having contractions , even this morning . I had planned on going into work this morning , but that 's really not going to happen . I can 't even sit up for more than 20 minutes right now without having more contractions . Looks like I 'll be laying low for another day or two . Only 4 more weeks to go , at the absolute most . My heart hurts like hell for ME and Steve . Please head over and send them your thoughts and prayers if you haven 't yet . Words cannot express how sad I am for their losses . I really hate weather sometimes . My mom is supposed to fly in from Buffalo today , but apparently they 're in the airport has closed because of icy conditions ( they 're getting some freezing rain / ice ) . So it looks like she 's grounded , and won 't be coming . I 'm not quite sure how to tell Celia that she 's not coming . She was so excited this morning , and put on a pretty skirt to show grammie how pretty she is when we picked her up after my mom got here . I 'm sure Celia will be fine , but will definitely be disappointed . At least her party is tomorrow , so we 'll have something to distract her . March 2 , 2002 - married the man of my dreams . June 2003 - started ttc June 27 , 2003 - got a BFP , and 9 months later , gave birth to a healthy little girl , Celia . October , 2005 - went on a cruise with DH and Celia , and started ttc our second child . February 2006 - saw my OB at my 6 month check - up , and since I got pregnant with Celia so easily , he decided it may be worth trying Clomid , since my cycles were irregular . April 2006 , I was 9 weeks into my first clomid cycle with no BFP and no CD1 . I call my OB , and he sends me straight to SGFC for testing . June 2006 - my first RE appointment , decide to get tested and see what is going on . August 2006 - Diagnosed with PCOS . Decide to hold off on IUIs until Jan . 2007 , when I can add a second insurance policy to help with cost . Hope that Metformin will help regulate me a bit . January 2007 - send insurance info to SGFC . February 2007 - get letter from insurance saying that they need a letter from my RE that justifies IUIs considering my husbands SA results . Confused , I call my nurse . We go in for a consult , and find out that we have MF , low count and poor morphology . March 2007 - DH sees urologist . No reason for the MF , so we decide to go ahead with IVF . May 2007 - start IVF # 1 , take 1 . Cancelled due to cysts . June 2007 - IVF # 1 , take 2 . 10 eggs , 3 mature , 5 fertilized , 3 blasts . 2 blasts transferred . July 2007 - BFP ! ! ! Ultrasound shows 2 sacs . One sac reabsorbs , one remains . February 19 , 2008 - Seth Nathan is born ! Shopping anyone ? |
I wish I had more time to write . I need to go to bed on time tonight . I kept on falling asleep in class today . The first hour was worse than the second . I need to get ahead again for stats . So , hopefully I 'll do lots of studying tomorrow . It stinks that my headphones finally died on me . Dad says that if I buy something new , always make sure it has a warranty . I didn 't know that . I bought these headphones because they were originally really expensive . On EBay they were really cheap . So , I bought them . I guess it sounds about right because they didn 't last me for very long . BJJ class was lots of fun . I 'm getting better on defending from being mounted . I rolled with Chuck for a really good amount of time today . So , I wasn 't always on the bottom . I got to work on other positions . Then , all of us got to put the mitts on and attack each other . The person with the mitts can only strike and not use BJJ . The other person that to fully attack striking person , take them down , and fully submit them . I submitted Pink , Tazz , and Nick ( the little one who 's 14 years old ) . I really tried to get to Chuck and take him down but couldn 't . I couldn 't hold on to him or get that close . He was keeping me back . He was the last one that I fought too , so I was breathing hard . It was really nice to punch and kick though . I really wanted to kick while I didn 't have the mitts on , but Roberto wouldn 't let me . I think I 'm going to do that Tournament on August 1 . I have to ask dad because it will cost 35 dollars . Roberto started a blog on his website . He didn 't write anything . In class , he said for us to comment on it . He needs to write something first , so we can comment on the blog . That 's the point of it . This is what I wrote : " Ok . I know in class you said to comment on this . However , you didn 't write about anything . What are you going to write about ? ? ? That would be cool if you start blogging about BJJ in general . I have my own blog that I write about what happened during class and what 's going on in my life . Please change the background or thePosted by Ugg . I 'm so obsessed about BJJ . I love it ! ! I 'm always excited about the next class . I want to write about so many thing right now . Most of them are related to BJJ , the Manti Pageant , and headphones . I wish I could just make a vlog so I can tell you everything . I finally put tracker on this blog , so I can see whether if anyone visits or not . I really thinking nobody does because no one comments on it . I do visit some blogs out there , but I don 't really comment on them . Hopefully , people are doing the same thing with mine . Since this is a blog about my obsessions , I should start with BJJ . Saturday 's class was wonderful even though it was an hour to an hour and a half . I didn 't check how long it was . I arrived early and found Roberto sitting on the couch . The traffic was really good . It moved quickly which I really liked . During the weekdays , the interstate sometimes have some pretty major slowdowns , which never happen in Spokane . So , I arrived 10 minutes early . So , I talked to Roberto while we waited for the other guys . Pablo and Mark , the new guy , were the only people who came . We waited a little more for Cory , but he never showed . This class was for the the people who were testing for their blue belts . They needed to practice taking down people who only strike because that 's part of their testing . The beginning of class , we ran around the dojo , army crawled a little , shrimped , did five push - ups , shrimped some more , did another five push - ups , and ended with more shrimping in that order . Then , Roberto taught Mark the armbar escape we learned on Friday . He worked with Pablo on it . Then , Mark put on the mitts to strike Pablo while Pablo was trying to take him down and submit him . I really wanted to be the person to strike because of my training in karate , but that never happened . So that stunk . I got to try takedown Mark and submit him twice . The first one was OK . The second one was horrible because he kept hitting me in the head . I had a helmet with a plastic cover on it . I really need to work on my takedowns . ThenLizzie Woolley I need to go to bed . However , I still have to do laundry . Ugg , I wish I could do BJJ every day . I want to talk to Roberto how I can improve my game on Tuesdays and Thursdays . They are the days which I don 't have BJJ . I sort of wish that Coach Pease taught on Tuesdays and Thursdays . Oh well . I get really excited whenever I think of BJJ . It 's the feeling whenever Christmas is really near when I was a kid . I don 't have that any more for Christmas because it 's nothing special . It 's like a drug now because I keeping wanting a " fix " . I 'm obsessed with BJJ now . However , I haven 't really researched it on the internet because I know it 's better just to practice it . I really love it because how Roberto runs his classes . Chuck teaches a MMA class every Tuesday and Thursday ; however , Roberto said that I can only start that when I 'm a blue belt . He said it 's easier to concentrate on BJJ when on the ground instead worrying about getting hit . I agree with him . It 's hard to train with two conflicting things at the same time . Thus , I 'll progress BJJ slower . Roberto has noticed it with Tazz and another kid . He said to lay off MMA so they can do the correct techniques for BJJ . Roberto said that he 'd be willing to work with any of us privately for free . I 'll ask him about that because I love working with him . I would like to work with him at least once a week . I really need to work on takedowns and breaking guard . I 'm really hoping that Roberto with provide a solution for my " fix " problem . I 'm sort of thinking of trying his Taekwondo classes that 's every Tuesday and Thursday . I don 't know if I 'll like it because I 'm horrible at kicking . However , it would be nice to work on my stand - up . It 's all about the instructor too . But still , I 'm horrible at kicking because I was the worse one in my old dojo . I don 't have that great of balance . Thus , I have to kick pretty fast so I won 't fall over . 70 percent of the time , I 'm off balance when I kick . However , Roberto may make it lots of fun . I don 't know . That 's why I 'm thinking about trying itPosted by I Love BJJ ! ! ! Today was an awesome class ! ! ! It was really good because that was the hardest that I have ever worked in my life ! I love Roberto because he pushes me so hard in a good way . He wants us to me tired by the end of class . This was the tiredest I have ever been after class . My arms are shot ! ! I can feel that they don 't want to move at all ! ! My legs are pretty good though . Today , I was huffing and puffing . I ran thirty laps which is front and back across the dojo . I did 100 crunches also . After those crunches , I abs were cramping on me when I ran . I really never did full catch my breath after than when I sparred . At one point , I focused on breathing . A few times after sparring , I had to walk around and hold by breath for two seconds to calm down my breathing . I remember after one match , Roberto said I was dieing on the floor and told me to walk around . I 'm getting better ! ! I lasted much longer with Tazz . He almost got me in one match a lot of times during one match . I went so long that Roberto had to call it off so other people can spar . Now , my side position is really improving which is really wonderful . I have a pretty good defense with it , which is awesome ! ! After class , Roberto said that he can see I know what I 'm doing . I 'm doing a pretty good defense because I 'm not exposing my arms . I love this dojo because all we do is spar pretty much . Which is cool because it 's so practical . Roberto is all about technique , getting air , and relaxing . He doesn 't want us to spend so much energy when we spar . However , we spar so much that we get tired especially after exercising . Hopefully , my heart rate will improve because that was killing me today . I had lots of fun ! ! I 'm thankful that I know that I can be aggressive . BJJ is an outlet where I can spend my pent - up energy . I know that I can fight hard and be calm at the same time . I just can 't lose my head . Oh ya . I 'm not the only one that Roberto likes to work one and one . He likes to do that with everyone on his team because he wanted to work with Cory one and onPosted by Class was fun today . I want to write about what I talked to Roberto about after class . However , that would take too long because I really need to go to bed in a few minutes . I wanted to write earlier . I couldn 't because I had to clean instead because cleaning checks are tomorrow . Plus , I got home late because I went to Walmart and explored a little carnival was on my way home . There wasn 't any rides that looked interesting . There was one ride that I remember Evan and Rhea freaking out when we were in Maine . It the ride where we 're in a cage . There are four cages to the ride , but we can count them as two because two are connected to each other . The ride sings the passengers , then goes around in a loop eight times . So , each cage is upside down eight times . So when I was looking for the right type of toilet paper that was a the right price , all of a sudden someone put their arm around my neck . I 'm pretty sure that I put my hand or hands on their arms because it felt like the beginnings of a rear naked choke . For those couple seconds , my mind was on high alert trying to figure out who it was . I thought that it may have been someone from the class at BYU . As I spun around to see who attacked me , I discovered it was Roberto . Then , he noticed that I turned bright red . I can feel when my face does that . No one has ever done that to me before . If he was a real attacker who got the choke clamped right away , I would have had five to eight seconds before I would pass out . I couldn 't believe how easy he did that . Probably , I should be more aware of my surroundings because it seems like that I love to be in my own little bubble all the time . I was thinking what I wrote about last night how I hoped that my love for BJJ won 't fade like it did with karate . I know that I could have been more committed with Sensei Villa . I think that it 's going to last for a long time because I 'm blogging about it . I was looking through my blog for any entries about my experiences at Spokane Karate Center . I discovered that there are just a few entries compared to the amount of entries I wrote about my evil dojo . I 'm just thinking about what how hard my training was at my evil dojo compared to my old dojo . I remember getting home late at night and being all sweaty . I loved the training because it pushed me hard . With Sensei Villa , we worked more on technique . The only cardio we was when we sparred . We didn 't run around in circles like my evil dojo . We didn 't to ten million kicks . The Goju - Ryu we practiced in my evil dojo was a lot harder compared to my old dojo . Testing days reminded of the type of training that I did in my evil dojo . I remember that they were always good workouts . I think this is why I love Roberto 's dojo . We get to work on technique and cardio . He intentionally makes us tired so we can use our techniques without much force . The more I think about it , the more I think that I 'm attracted to soft arts . I know that Roberto teaches BJJ as a soft art . I think that Micheal Pease teaches harder techniques that use more force . I remember going to Aikido in Spokane and really missing Goju - Ryu . I wasn 't attracted to that art at all . However , I 'm more attracted to that art then Shotokan . I wouldn 't want to learn all of that kata . That 's why I like Goju - Ryu . We can concentrate on a few , get really good at them , and understand everything to that kata instead of trying to blow through tons of kata and not understanding any of them . Like I said , I loved last night 's training because it was non - stop . Another thing about Roberto 's dojo is that we get to train for three hours instead of an hour and a half . My training time is double from what I got at Spokane Karate CentePosted by I 'm sorry that I didn 't write last night . I was way too distracted with Plants VS . Zombies . It 's a strategy video game . The day before yesterday , I downloaded a demo and really liked it . I saw that it only need a key to get the full version of it . So , I was a bad girl and used Utorrent crack the game . Yes , I have Utorrent now on my computer because when I went home a few weeks ago , I made sure I transferred everything from the home computer to mine , including how to work Utorrent on my laptop . This was my first time using it on this computer because I didn 't know how to set Utorrent up to get out of the router . Plus , I didn 't have WinRar . It 's a program that makes files much smaller . Anyways , I started playing Plants VS . Zombies when I got home from the MMA class yesterday . I played until five AM . I know that 's really bad because video games are a waste of time . However , I haven 't played a video game for a very long time . I beat the adventure and puzzle mode . I 'm almost done with the mini - game mode . I 'm almost half way done with the survival mode . I 'm going to play with it a little more tomorrow and then delete with because I 'm getting bored with it . It 's a really fun game . However , I 'm losing interest because I 'm pretty much done with the game . That 's pretty normal because one normally goes through a game only once . That 's why I say that they are a waste of money too . However , I still keep up with them with gametrailers . com and gamespot . com . Enough about computer stuff . This is what I said on facebook tonight : " I love BJJ ! ! ! I had so much fun tonight . I really love working out like that . I 'm really happy with Roberto 's dojo . This was the best class I had so far . I just wish I wasn 't a beginner . " I totally loved class tonight ! ! It 's because we worked nonstop for three hours . We didn 't take any breaks . I just wish that I knew more and had more experience . I got frustrated though because everyone beats me . I still have to remember that they are guys and most of them has more experience than me . I beat the girls andPosted by This is what I said on facebook for tonight : " I love BJJ . I got to work with Roberto tonight . I loved it ! ! ! I just hope that I made the right choice by signing a year contract . It could be a good thing , so I can be committed to three days a week so I may go far in this art . It may be a bad thing because something may happen where I have to quit . I really hope not . I hope that he 's just as good as my last Sensei . I 'm little wary because of my first dojo . " I wanted to say evil dojo , but people wouldn 't understand . I had so much fun today working with Roberto . I don 't know why , but I really like working with him . It 's probably it 's because he 's a black belt . I arrived a little after 6 P . M . , so I was late . I had to run ten laps and do fifty sit ups . I was huffing and puffing when running those . Then , I was still huffing and puffing when I did those sit ups . Ack ! I don 't like sports induced asthma . When I was running laps on Friday , I could feel my chest constrict while I wheeze . It sinks because it forces me to slow down and get more air while I run around . Oh well . At least , it only acts up when I run . I wouldn 't like to have my mom 's where her 's act up when she 's around pets . I learned today that the vice president of the UVU club goes to the dojo . I don 't think he 's paying for instruction yet because he 's been leaving early . I think his name is Cory . He 's 195 pounds . It stinks being a girl because pretty much weigh just as much as him . Because he 's a guy , he gets to throw me around like nothing and I can 't even do anything to him . I was trying to roll him from mount and couldn 't . He rolled me pretty easily . When he left , Roberto followed him out and talked with him in his office for a long time . When he did that , all I did was watch these kids " spar " . Roberto calls rolling " grappling " sparring . So , I will call that also . I got really bored and wished that Roberto would stop talking to him . I was thinking why would I pay Roberto so I can sit and watch these kids spar . I wanted more structure . However , I did that inPosted by Ack ! ! ! I meant to write " yesterday " after church because I didn 't write last night . Now , I have to go to bed because I have my last BJJ class at BYU tomorrow . We are going to be tested over the basics . I know that they are really simple basics and are a lot more , but that 's OK . I would get a stripe too if I went to the tournament . However , I had to go to Evan 's graduation instead . I need to fill out the rest of my log sheet so I don 't have to do it tomorrow morning . I don 't want to rush out of the door and be late . Plus , I 'm going to bed really late , so I won 't take a shower . This is really nice writing really late on my bed with a light on . Normally , I couldn 't do this because Rebecka would be sleeping . Probably , she 's with her family right now . Gerr . So , I want to go far in BJJ . Tonight , we rolled around with people . It was lots of fun . Now I noticed that when I roll , Roberto always helps the other guys instead of me . Colin went today . It was really cool because he beat everyone in the little dojo . I talked to Roberto about Colin 's performance and he said that all the knows is finishing moves , not much basics . So , I stayed for the 8 : 00 class and we did some conditioning . It was really good because it got my heart pumping . During the class , Roberto was talking about testing . I asked about it because I would like to go farther in BJJ . I only know how to do that through BYU and Roberto . I could get some stripes from Sensei Pease ; however , what 's the point in getting some stripes if I can 't go far with him . He 's only teaching beginners at BYU . He 's not teaching anywhere else . The only purpose of going to that class is to get better and to meet guys . However , I 'm thinking about time constraints and how this can effect my studying time . Sorry , after class , I talked to Roberto about joining . He said that it costs $ 50 a month if I go through him . If I do that , I need to commit at least two hours of training on Monday , Wednesday , and Friday every week . I 'm so torn about this because of school , institute , and FHE . I love BJJ though . I 'm just thinking about what I should do . I was thinking about auditing the martial arts class and get more practice through that . However , what 's the point in practicing with people who just started because I 'll just get worse . Hmmm . That 's a very good point . Probably , Pease is going to teach the same moves over again . I still like Roberto because he is willing for me to get better by working on my technical moves . It seems like that with Roberto , it will be more long term than with Pease , even though I think Pease is a better teacher . I 'm just thinking about what 's the easiest way to get farther in BJJ while not wasting my time and money . Right now , I need to focus on school too . I just love BJJ right now that I 'd do anything for itPosted by Throwdown the nicest facility I 've seen for martial arts . I 've never seen a ring before like that . It 's almost a year old . I went to the Combat Jiu - Jitsu Level 1 class . From the name , I thought there would be striking involved . However , it was just Brazilian Jiu - Jitsu without the gi . We first started class by stretching . Then , the instructor told us to pair up to do some drills . At first , I was really intimidated because I was the only girl out of a whole bunch of guys . At first , I didn 't ask any of the guys to roll with me . As time went on , I started asking . At first , we worked on the guy on top submitting and the guy on the bottom working on a better position and submit from there . We worked on a few more things , but I forget . A few times , I stood out because I didn 't know whether anyone wanted to roll with me . Then , the instructor divided the beginners from the advanced telling them to do 100 submissions . The beginners had to work on getting a better position . I teamed up with a teen . At first , he was in my guard . He just pushed my stomach . So , I swept him . When I was his guard , it was really easy to pass it . I asked him how long he 'd been in BJJ . He said that this was his first class . So , I taught him the sweep and guard pass . Then , the instructor said for all of us to do 100 push - ups . I did about 10 because my arms are pretty weak . I did some on my knees too , but stopped doing them because everyone else was doing regular push - ups . I didn 't want to look like a pansy . Then , class was over . I was going to leave , but the white belt that worked with me invited me to stay for the next class . It was BJJ Level two . I really liked it because we worked from the X guard where I have never seen before . We worked on five sweeps from X guard the whole class . At first , I had no clue what I was doing . Then , X guard became somewhat comfortable with both sides . I have no clue how to use this move when I roll with people , but it was a good practice where I learned a guard that I haven 't seen before . All the diffPosted by On Monday , I went to Roberto Scoca 's school . When we got there , they were talking about how the kids and teens did in the Throwdown tournament . So , I sat there and listened to them talk . Then , Taz and I sparred with one another . I kept on losing . I don 't remember any of the particular submissions that he did . I don 't think that I even won once . So , I rolled with him a good half hour . I 'm learning to defend my arms from being taken over by people . Everyone still loves to take them , but I 'm getting better . Then , I 'm learning how to be low when I 'm in their guard . I 'm getting better by not letting them take the insides of my arms . If they do , I have to work them free . After the hour was done , we waited for Roberto for about 15 minutes because he was talking to a student . So , I shadowed boxed in the mirror and punched on the free standing bags . Then , finally Roberto started class again . He had Taz spar continuously with the three of us . I thought that it was weird watching people roll because in the class at BYU , we never watch people roll as a whole class . I asked Roberto why we watch . He said that we learn when we watch . I watched a lot when I was in my very first dojo . We had to stand as straight as boards and don 't move as we watched . There we just sat on the floor and watched . Roberto helped people by pretty much speaking to them in Spanish as they rolled . I sort of wish I knew Spanish so I could understand what he was telling them . All of us took turns to fight Taz . Then , each of us took turns to be the one who has to fight everyone . I went out pretty fast compared to the guys . I was getting somewhat frustrated because I wasn 't winning . Roberto said that I get too excited and hyperfocus on one thing . I need to be thinking three moves ahead . It finally was my turn . I still didn 't win against anyone them , but I took a lot longer to get beaten . I kept my frustration level down , so I can think more clearly . One time , I got sort of frustrated a guy was try to do an arm bar , but I had my elbow aPosted by Right now , I 'm stressing out because of all the things I have to do . I really need to go Sunflower Market and buy yogurt and deodorant . I need to cook things , so I can still keep on eating healthy . Right now , I down to one soup . I really need to study for my stats test . I haven 't caught up because I went to Spokane during the weekend . I 'm freaking out because I may have spent too much time on BJJ . This was suppose to be an easy class that wouldn 't get in the way of things . I have been really enjoying myself ; however , I think it 's getting in the way of stats . I just want to restart this whole term , stats and O - chem because I 'm tired of freaking out about them . I feel stretched thin and overwhelmed . I just don 't want to fight stats right now . I enjoyed Spokane though . It gave me a new perspective about things . I enjoy living in Provo and going to BYU . It 's just all term , I 've been overwhelmed with school . I feel like running away from stats right now because I 'm behind and whenever I think about that , homework , and the test , I get stressed because I 'm not doing as well I want . I 'm transferring all of my files from the home computer to my laptop . So , I have a confession . I downloaded Utorrent on my laptop and made sure it 's working . I know that I shouldn 't have done that because it 's illegal downloading music and movies . However , I did it anyway . I haven 't downloaded anything . I just wanted to make sure that I have everything set up if I do want to . I doubt that I will have time anyway because right now , I 'm busy with school and BJJ . A few days ago , I emailed BJJ Spokane about attending one of their classes on Saturday . Bart who 's the instructor said that there 's a Woman 's class at 10 AM . I drove and arrived on time . However , nobody was there . I want to tell you what happened to me last night . So , I went to bed around one or so . Around 4 : 40 , my Nana came into my room and got into bed with me . A minute afterward , she got out of my bed , told me to go back to sleep , and shut the door . My bed is a twin . That was really awkward ! ! ! Pop - pop and Nana got drunk last night . Nana was pretty tipsy and way more open than usual . That 's probably why she tried to sleep with me . Rhea says it 's pretty common with drunk people . I think it 's really sad because they 're old . They are suppose to take care of their bodies instead of destroying them ! ! Mom said that Nana did the same thing to her while both were staying at my Aunt Jen 's house . Mom says that she gets confused and forgets things . I 'm here in Spokane . I really miss my room and this big house . I know that we are going to get rid of it at the end of the month , but still . I want an apartment this big because it feels like that we are on top of each other all the time . I really miss my room too because I lived in it for three and a half years . I miss my space and being isolated sometimes . However , I do love being in Provo . I love not being so isolated too because I get to talk to people all the time which is really nice . Hopefully , I 'll get a bigger apartment next spring that has a dishwasher ! ! ! This is going to be the last time I 'll stay in the house . Oh , I 'm going to miss it . I miss it already because it 's so big . We have to give it up so Dad can pay Evan and I expenses for school . Plus , mom doesn 't need a big house anyway . That 's why I want an apartment which is nicer and bigger . So , I can have my space and feel what I feel in this house . When I went on my mini - mission , I didn 't ever go into a house as nice as ours . We did see a lot of them , but never went inside . The poor are almost always more humble than the rich . It 's nice seeing Nana and Pop - Pop because I haven 't seen them for a long time . The plane ride was good . I had a lot more fun as a little kid . I 'm so thankful that Sarah came in to help me because I would have been slow and not knowing what I was doing . She told me what to do so I wouldn 't be late for the plane . Ya , plane rides were a lot cooler as a little kid or even a teenager than an adult because they pack people in planes like sardines . I was getting cramped when I was reading my book . Probably , that was a smaller plane though , but still . I was glad to be out of there . Good thing the plane ride a little for than a hour long . I wasn 't expecting this picture to be so huge ! ! ! It looks like some space pod . It seems like that I 'm not dealing with stress that well right now . I was stressing today because I 'm still behind in stats . Plus , the study group changed times and couldn 't get their questions . I think I could have got them from another girl ; however , I decided not to . When , I was stressing and getting depressed , I watched a few videos on gamespot . com . Probably , wasting an hour . I felt better , but didn 't get that much done . So , I didn 't get that many points on my homework . I have some more homework which is due tomorrow . However , I 'm planning on not doing it because I can 't . I 'm still behind and wouldn 't know what to do even if I tried . I have a test coming up next week . I really need to get through those slides and have the tutors help me . I hate being behind ! ! ! I just wish school was easier . However , I 'd much rather be here than some another University because I really like it here and don 't want to move again . I just really hope that I can do well in stats . Today , was the first time where I didn 't get startled by that notification that happens twice at night . I was very happy . Then as I was making my way towards the building , the library played a Star Wars song , then Swords Dance , a Gladiator song , then another Star Wars song . I tried to find the name of the Gladiator song , but couldn 't find it . It might have been The Battle . Another night , they played a song from The Rock . I like soundtrack songs . I wish the radio would play those types of songs . However , instead they play crap with tons of commercials . Ugg . My shoulder feels like it 's growing right now . I know it 's not because I done growing . A muscle a little below my arm pit is really tender . At first , I thought it was that muscle . However , I was wrong because I found a muscle which is on the back of my shoulder . This is annoying . Today , I weighed myself and measured my fat content . I have one of those handhelds that tells me how much fat I have on my body . It said I was at 23 Posted by I really like blogging because it keeps me informed about what happened to me in the past . I can relive good memories in detail and remember all of those nuances that fade after time . I put some bad experiences on here , but if they are too personal and private , I put them on my life blog . So , I 'm happy that I 'm tired right now . The last few nights I 've been going to bed late and have been taking awhile to fall asleep . I don 't understand why though because I have been going to bed pretty late . However , I haven 't been getting up really early except today . I got up at 6 : 15 and wasn 't that tired even though I had three hours of sleep . So , I took a shower and ate breakfast . After an hour and a half of getting ready , my brain started to shut down and got sleepy . So , I wanted to sleep for an hour to so I can attend my O - chem lab and stats labs . However , I don 't even remember waking up and turning my alarm off . I know it had to go off , because it was set at the right time and it was on . That has never happened to me before . I know with Evan and Sarah , it always happens with them . Lately , I 've been lax with myself because I know that I 'm going to retake O - chem . Probably , that 's why I 've been going to bed late and then , in turn I don 't get up and end up missing stats and O - chem because I want to sleep . I did some stats homework today . However , I only went through a chapter on the internet . I really want to catch up , but it hasn 't happened yet . I was in the library for seven hours today . I probably did around five hours of studying . No one showed up to our study group today except Natalie . So , we ended up doing homework together . I found out that she 's a worse boat than me because she 's failed the first two tests and this is her only class . She said that she 's been doing part time ever since she graduated from high school . She went to a Community College first and then , she transferred to BYU . She came to BYU when 24 years old and went to BYU for three and a half years . She only has stats and then she 's done with Public HealtPosted by I have to write to half page papers about my experiences with the club on Saturday and tonight with Roberto 's dojo . ( He 's the black belt that I mentioned two posts down . ) So , I just signed up to be on his e - mail list . When I wrote a little about myself , I told him how I felt about the class and a little about Goju - Ryu . I went to my dojo 's website , Family Karate Center , I found out that they are holding a Gasshuku during the time I 'm going to be in Spokane . For me , that 's a bad thing because I wanted to go to Sensei Levi 's class and learn how to grapple . It wouldn 't cost me anything . Now , if I want to go I at least have to pay 35 to 45 dollars . I 'm sad because I want to see everyone and say goodbye . I don 't think I 'm going to be in Spokane because I 'm busy with school and we are getting rid of the house this month . : ( My body is complaining right now because I had four and a half BBJ training today . My body is so tired . My body is always tired after my BBJ class at BYU . I pretty much work three hours straight . Now , I 'm more tired because I went to Roberto 's dojo . I have a really good bruise on my left foot , a few on my for arms , a big bruise and a little one on my right knee , and a blotch of bruises on the inside of my biceps which consists of 23 little bruises all together The blotches look bad ; bad because there are so many of them , but don 't hurt when I press down on them . The few on my forearms and knee the ones that hurt . The bruise on my foot hurts the most when I press down on it . I 'm not complaining . I 'm just recording how many bruises I got today . I 'm totally used it with being in karate . Anyways , I need to write about Saturday and tonight since they are still somewhat fresh in my mind . On Saturday , Roberto taught how to defend from the rear naked choke . I defend it by wrapping my arm around the front of my head to defend my neck and having my other hand ready for a hand to go to my side or over my shoulder . If it goes to my side , I grab it , fall to that side , roll over while trying to get my knees and myPosted by Ugg . I hate my emotions right now . I feel a little depressed . Probably , it 's because I have so much to do and so little time . Plus , Sarah wants to keep the pillows we had on the couch in the closet . I want at least one of them to say on the couch because I use it all the time . I don 't want to put it away every time I leave . I live in the living room because that 's the most time I spend my time . I also spend a lot of time in the kitchen too . I 've been spending more time in the library than last semester because I am more efficient with my study time . When I 'm there , I know I have to study , so I don 't get distracted by the internet . At home , I feel like that I can play and have fun . Tomorrow , I have to do laundry because I got distracted yesterday when I was writing in my blog . I meant to write a lot more , but I wanted to see if I wrote about grappling in my dojo in Spokane . Then when I was looking for any entries , I noticed that my labeling wasn 't that good two of three of my blogs . So , I went through almost all of my labels and fixed them , so in the future , I can find entries easier . It 's hard to generalize what a blog is about . Sometimes , I use a word that I don 't use in any of my other posts . So , it takes up space in the labeling column . It 's hard to look for entries if I have all of these words that apply to one entry . That took probably around an hour and a half because I had to read the entries and figure out what are better labels . I really liked reading some of the entries because I haven 't read them for a long time . Then , I realized that I didn 't write that much about my good dojo in Spokane . I wrote a lot about my evil dojo but not my good dojo . Maybe , it 's because it was really new and exciting . I know that I would have advanced further if I didn 't go to institute and plus , mornings are hard for me to get up because I go to bed late like tonight . I cared more about the church and me learning than karate . I went to institute in the evenings . Hey , Guess what ! ! ! ? ? ? I looked at the institute website for SpoPosted by |
Posted on March 13 , 2015 by Mr . and Mrs . and Nola Kisses 4 Time is a funny thing . It seems like there is never enough when you want it , but there are also times where there is just too much . In some cases a lot of time makes things easier , dealing with loss for example , but in other cases the passage of too much time makes it difficult to do the thing you have been putting off . A good example of the latter is this blog . So much time has passed since I posted regularly that I don 't even know where to start with the blog again . So , instead of trying to go back and talk about everything that has happened in the time since I last posted , I will give you a snapshot of what is going on at the MMNK household at this particular moment in time . We have two dogs , but not the same two as the last time I posted . Sarge has been gone for almost three months , and it is still very difficult to talk about . I am planning to write a lot more about that later . Laynie has been a permanent member of our family for two months . She is doing really well and she is adjusting to our lifestyle . Nola seems to like tolerate her , so things are going pretty smoothly . We have been in our new house about a year now . We love the area and the fact that we are no longer crammed in a small house with a small yard in the city . The wild turkeys that frequent our neighborhood are a bit challenging with the dogs , but our fenced - in yard is amazing ! Side note : did you know turkeys CAN fly ? I didn 't believe it until one scared the bejeezus out of me when it flew out of a tree during a walk in the woods . I am starting a new job next week ! I left my previous job at the end of December and have been able to be at home with the dogs for the past three months . Although the job search was stressful , I am so grateful I had the time to spend with Sarge during his last days , with Laynie during her first days , and with Nola while she adjusts to the changes with the dogs in her life . My main goal was to find a career that merged my skills in marketing with my passion for dogs , but that is a challenge in Maine because there is limited opportunity . I am very excited about my new position , but will continue to pursue my dream career and am confident it will happen eventually . So there you have it : a lot of time has passed , but we have been trying to enjoy every minute . Some of the time was hard , some was sad , most of it has been happy , and we are glad we 've had it . We hope during our time off from blogging you all enjoyed the time you 've had as well . Remember : " Time is free , but it 's priceless . You can 't own it , but you can use it . You can 't keep it , but you can spend it . Once you 've lost it you can never get it back . " - Harvey MacKay Posted on April 22 , 2013 by Mr . and Mrs . and Nola Kisses 9 Let 's face it , I 'm a picky dog . I generally TOLERATE all other dogs , LIKE a pretty good amount , but I only LOVE a select few ( especially when they are living at MY house ) . So you can imagine my surprise that after only 4 days , I was well on my way to loving a new dog that my parents brought home . And no , it 's not my foster bro Sarge , I am still in the tolerate phase with him . My new buddy 's name is Zeus . Last week , Mom picked me up from Camp and I took a snooze on the car ride home , just like I usually do . But when we got home , there was a strange black dog on the deck with Dad . Of course , I had to let him know that I did not approve of him being there with my patented half growl , half bark . All I could think was , ' They brought home ANOTHER dog ? ! ' Mom told me to relax , he is jut visiting for a few days , and put on my harness so we could take a walk . The black dog and Dad came with us . When we walked next to each other and I got a whiff of him , I realized he wasn 't half bad . Dad said his name was Zeus and that I had to be nice to him because he is Dad 's boss ' dog . ( Haven 't I heard that one before ? ) . Zeus seems like a big name for a small - ish dog , with a cat like , fluffy tail , but who am I to judge ? Besides the fact that he stopped to pee on EVERYTHING ( ghawd , why do boys feel the need to do that ? ) , I enjoyed our walk very much . Mom and Dad let us play in the back yard too . He didn 't seem all that impressed with my play - bows and boxer moves , but he got with the program and at least let me chase him for a bit . He seemed a little scared in the house , maybe it was because he had never met us all before . Sargent picked on him a little and tried to hump him too , but Mom and Dad protected poor Zeus just like they do for me . I tried to tell him to just stay clear or the big lug , which he did , when he stole my spot on the couch . But Sargent wanted to sleep next to him , so they both shared my spot . Now let me just tell you , I like Zeus more than the average dog that Mom and Dad bring home , but with two ' others ' in the house it felt a bit crowded . I tried to find a spot on the couch , but decided I needed my own space and slept on my bed . I stayed in the living room so I could keep an eye on everyone , but man , am I glad none of them tried to snuggle with me . On Saturday Mom and Dad brought me and Zeus for a long walk on one of my favorite trails . Sargent got his own walk then stayed home because he 's too old and can 't keep up with us young - ins . For the first half of the walk Zeus just peed on everything and I stayed close to Mom and Dad . Then , I decided enough was enough and it was play time . We discovered a stream and found out it was fun to run through the mud and jump from bank to bank . When we got to the part where there is a big field , I showed Zeus my track star like speed . He couldn 't keep up , so I slowed down for him a little so he would still play . We were so tired when we got home . While Zeus was at our house he slept all alone on the couch in the living room at bed time . Dad is still sleeping downstairs with Sargent , so I had the bed all to myself ( oh , and Mom ) . But , Zeus was lonely so he wanted to come up on the bed too . I was ok with it , which doesn 't happen very often , so Mom let him come up and we all snuggled before it was time to get up . Before he left to go home to his family , I even let his snuggle with me … just a little . I liked Zeus a lot , but am glad we are back to only having two dogs in the house . Two is still one too many . I do hope that Zeus can come back and play again soon , but only on a temporary basis ! Posted on October 23 , 2012 by Mr . and Mrs . and Nola Kisses 6 It 's easy to get caught up writing about the things that we are working on with Anna . But , it is also important to focus on all the things that will make Anna a great addition to the right family . There are many , so here are just a few : Fourth , she is a wonderful watch dog . She loves to sit at the door or look out the window taking in all the sights and sounds . She barks occasionally , but is definitely not up to ' neighborhood watch ' level , barking at EVERYTHING like Laynie did . And lastly , she is so easy going . Although she has some reactivity to other dogs , when she is in the house just hanging out with us she is so easy . She wants nothing more than to be where you are , sitting right next to you , chewing a bully , or snuggling with Foster Sis ' Nola . As you may remember from this post , she was supposed to be a two day hold . But , after meeting her we were tentative about the family who was already ' approved ' to adopt her . They had three young children and Anna has no house manners . They came to our house for a meet and greet and we discussed what was best for Anna and what was best for the family . The Mr . and I were convinced that after they saw how excitable Anna was and how much she was in the children 's faces ( only for kisses , but that can be scary to young kids ) , that they would recognize that is was not a good match . Well , we were wrong - they wanted her . We were shocked , and concerned . We strongly believe that Anna needs to go through some obedience and should not be around small children under 5 years old . It took a couple phone calls and emails to the rescue stating our case to get the situation resolved . In the end , we are happy they listened to our opinion , and even though we were not anticipating another foster pup at this time , we are committed to help find her perfect forever family . So here we are , two weeks later . I would be lying if I said it 's been easy . First , I can 't stop comparing her to Laynie . I don 't know why , I love them both , but it 's so hard not to ! It 's always " Laynie did that too " or " Laynie learned that more quickly . " It 's unfair to Anna , but their personalities are so similar I can 't help it ! Second , we 're having a hard time determining how she is around other dogs . She has been ok around Nola , but Nola is extremely tolerant and submissive . Anna is a wicked puller on a leash as it is , so whenever she sees another dog it just intensifies . After a couple of intense incidents , we have just been avoiding any encounters with other dogs . It seems as though if the dog ignores her , Anna is fine . But if the dog starts barking or starts to pull toward her , it gets her worked up so we have just been trying to avoid getting to that point . Also , Nola 's not loving having another foster sister . After Laynie we said we wanted to try a male foster pup next , since Nola seems to love the boys ! She is being very tolerant and patient , but since she is just coming off her long recovery from her ACL injury we have to keep the playing to a minimum . Anna is pushy and plays rough so that is not an easy task . Everything has to be separate , walks , potty breaks , feeding , you name it . It also means that the Mr . and I haven 't been able to spend as much ' family ' time together with the pups . We are used to taking Nola for long walks on the beach or in the woods together , but since Anna can 't be off leash or around other dogs we have to split the walks . He takes one and I take the other . Not so fun . The Mr . was also away all last week so I had the two dogs on my own . That meant for 4 days I got up at 6 am to walk Anna before she went in crate , then I fed both of them , then went to work , came home at lunch to walk the pups ( separately ) , went back to work , and then came home to feed and walk the pups again . Needless to say I was tired . But , as tough as it 's been , we 've also fallen in love . Anna is a sweet , wonderful dog . She gives Nola a run for her money in the quality and quantity of kisses . She is an excellent snuggler and she even snorts when she 's happy to see you , which is pretty much all the time . She does need some work on her manners , but she is going to bring so much joy to someone when she finds the perfect home . We are excited to help her on this journey and hope we will find her the forever home she deserves . If you want to be Anna 's forever family , fill out an application through Almost Home Rescue . Share this : TwitterFacebookPinterestLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted in Anna , Fostering | Tagged Almost Home Rescue , Anna , foster sister , fostering dogs , Nola , pit bulls , pretty pittie , snuggle bug | 7 Replies Saturday night I met Almost Home Rescue at a rest stop in Southern Maine to pick up Anna . ( Maine has some strict rules about bringing in dogs from rescue transports , so it used to be that as long as they were in New Hampshire adopters could pick up their pups right off the transport truck . New Hampshire has since changed their importation rules , so now all dogs coming up from the south require a quarantine period , or a foster hold . That 's what Munchkin was , and that 's what we were doing for Anna because she had a family waiting for her . ) As Anna came off the truck she had some serious energy . I expected to see a 35 pound petite pittie , with medium energy , and what I got was a 50 pound solid girl bouncing off the walls . I could barely hold on to her as she literally did a three foot vertical jump , twisting and pulling on the leash . She was so happy to be with a person ; giving me kisses like it was her job . I could tell that she was a very sweet girl and the three days in the truck was a bit much for her energy level . During the 20 minute drive home , I was thinking how much Nola is not going to like Anna 's crazy high energy , pushy personality . We really only agreed to take another female pit because it was for two days . We could keep them separate for two days , and not worry about stressing either of them out for such a short time . We did take them for a walk together when I got home , being careful not to really let them meet , just be aware the other one exists . Then , it was downstairs to the finished basement for Anna and I . We played , trying to get out some of that energy , until she conked out asleep . I slept with her on the couch , snuggling and snoring like a true pittie . Almost Home Rescue was having a reunion at a local park the next day , so I took Nola and the Mr . stayed home with Anna . Well , this is where the unexpected happened . Because all the AHR volunteers would be there , I knew I could talk to the President of the group and Anna 's adoption coordinator about some health concerns I had with Anna . Her spay incision looked a little infected and she had what looked like tapeworms . In our conversation , it came to light that the people who were adopting Anna were not 100 % committed and that her adoption was contingent on a meet and great . Say what ? ! And then as I asked more about the people , I found out they have three young kids under six and that they were still under the impression that Anna was a 30 pound medium energy dog . Apparently there was a serious miscommunication going on here and it looked like out two day hold had the potential to turn into a long term foster . It was at this point that I lost it . Through the tears I told the rescue coordinator and president all my concerns , the first being we did not expect to have a permanent foster and were not really prepared to keep her long term because of Nola 's low tolerance for females . The second being that this 50 pound ball of muscle has no house manners and is probably not a great fit for someone with three small children . And the third , and most upsetting , was my concern for poor Anna . What if I had shown up to meet these people thinking I was giving them their dog ? I would have been mortified and I 'm sure Anna would have been confused . Where would she go if we couldn 't keep her ? They apologized for the misunderstanding and assured me that if it doesn 't work fostering her then they could find her somewhere else to go . I called the Mr . and cried to him about the situation . We both decided that we were in this for the long haul . We had both already fallen in love with Anna 's sweet , loving personality . We have some work to do with introducing her and Nola , but we couldn 't bear the thought of uprooting this girl again and bringing her to another foster home . So , the potential adopters are coming to meet her tonight . I 'm not sure how it is going to go , but either way she is staying with us for a few more days . The people are going to meet her and let us know what they think . It turns out they were as unprepared to take her as we were . Obviously , I want her to go somewhere where she is the right fit and if that if it 's not with them , the Mr . and I are committed to helping this love bug find someplace that is . Posted on August 28 , 2012 by Mr . and Mrs . and Nola Kisses 9 They did it again . They brought home another dog . I don 't know why they keep insisting on doing that . First it was Laynie , then Sockeye , then Zoe . And now ? A PUPPY . Ugh . Mommy keeps calling her " Munchkin , " she seems to have a thing about nicknaming us " M " words . I think the puppy 's other name is " No ! Pee outside ! " Mommy says that before she picks Munchkin up and runs outside . Then Mommy comes back in and uses a funny smelling spray to clean up the mess . Looks like a lot of work , I don 't know why the puppy just doesn 't go pee outside in the first place ! I know I used to be a puppy myself , but there is no possible way I was THIS annoying . She only has two speeds , fast and sleepy . When she is in fast mode , all she wants to do is play with me . And you know how she shows it ? By licking my face and trying to bite my cheeks . I try to turn away to show her I am not interested , but she just won 't give up . Then , when I do play , she runs away crying with her tail tucked . I don 't get it . And when she 's not trying to play with me , she is taking all my toys . I 'm not that good at sharing , but there 's really no point in trying to take them away . I 'd rather have her bite my toys than my face . Mommy says I am being a good dog and being tall - er - ant of the baby , and I agree I am much taller than she is . She is also very whiny . I am a quiet dog , I don 't bark or whine , and I don 't know why she feels the need to always announce things . She cries when Mommy leaves the room and in the car . She cries the most at bedtime in her crate . I haven 't gotten a good night sleep in three days ! I 've been sleeping in Mommy 's spot on the human bed because she 's been sleeping on the floor with miss whiny pants . I thought humans didn 't sleep on floors , but apparently they do when puppies are around . Mommy and Daddy keep saying that she is only here for a few days because she already has a family of her own , so I don 't have to permanently share their attention . I can 't wait until she leaves and goes to her forever home . I am a more mature dog and prefer to play with dogs my own age . Hopefully Mommy will be so tired from all the pee and no sleep that she 'll think twice before subjecting me to a puppy again ! Posted on May 14 , 2012 by Mr . and Mrs . and Nola Kisses 2 Hi everyone , Mommy asked me to write on her blog about Laynie . She keeps telling me that she 's only going to be here for a few more days and that she is going to her forever home . It 's been a long two months with her here , and I 'm really glad that this is not her forever home , but I think there are some things I am going to miss about Laynie . When she first came here I was confused . Mommy had packed that big black box and left for a little while . Daddy said it was for work . When she came back she brought a big black dog . Mommy and Daddy took us for a walk together and instead of going home like Payson does when we walk with his mom Shelley , she stayed . In MY house ! Can you believe it ? I spent the first couple of days trying to show her that this was my house - my toys , my food , my Mommy and Daddy . But she was just so pushy and Mommy said she wasn 't leaving , so I decided it was easier to just let her stay and let try to be ok with it . Mommy and Daddy did help me when she tried to take my bone or when she bit my legs when we played . Man , does that hurt ! She 's got some serious teeth ! I am NOT going to miss that . Mommy said we had to be nice to her and show her that we love her because she hasn 't had an easy life like I have . I don 't know what they are talking about , did they forget everything that has happened to me ? ! How can they not remember that mean dog that bit me , or when my nail broke and the vet had to make me sleepy to fix it , or when I was coughing so much I couldn 't go to daycare . I mean what is worse than not being able to go to daycare and play with my friends ? ! But , I guess they are right . She did have some puppies when she was only 7 dog years old . Although it might be kind of fun to have puppies around to play with . Also , they said she lived in her crate for a long time . I liked my crate but I wouldn 't want to be in there all the time . So , I tried to pretend like I didn 't care when she would always have to sleep with her leg on me , or her back to me , or even all the way on top of me . I figured it was the least I can do . Once I got used to sharing everything and having my routine all changed , I tried to teach Laynie the ropes because I am the older one , even if it is only by one month . I taught her that she should ignore the squirrels , birds , and cats that we pass when we 're walking . She is still working on that one . I showed her that you have to go back to Mommy and Daddy when they say ' here . ' And when they yell it with a deep voice you REALLY have to go back . She is still working on that one , too . I taught her that you get more attention when you are calm and that jumping up isn 't something the people like . I tried to show her how I get into the bathtub all by myself and that it 's not scary , but she really doesn 't like it and Daddy always has to pick her up and put her in . And , most of all , I showed her that life can be full of fun , love , and lots of kisses when you have the right people like my Mommy and Daddy . She taught me a few things too . Like when she plays with the ball she brings it back - all the way back to Mommy and Daddy ! I really don 't know why , they always get it for me when I don 't bring it back . But she seems to get a lot of ear scratches when she does that , and the game goes longer ! Also , I see how much it hurts Mommy 's arms when Laynie pulls her down the street , so I try my best to stay right next to Mommy . Secretly , I want to be up in front like Laynie , but I get more chicken treats if I stay next to Mommy . Everyone keeps using the word foster when they talk about Laynie . Mommy and Daddy are fostering Laynie , Laynie is my foster sister . I don 't really know what that means , but from what Mommy and Daddy have been saying , we helped Laynie . They seem really sad lately and they said this weekend was the last weekend we 'd have with Laynie . All I know is that we got to go to the beach and play at Fuller Farm this weekend and we had fun ! Although I get annoyed when she takes my spot on the couch next to Mommy , I think I am going to miss that little black dog . I am looking forward to getting all of Mommy and Daddy 's attention , and getting to play with my toys again , but I am glad that we could help Laynie find a forever home . I guess fostering means being annoyed and having to share , but also helping another dog that needs it . |
They bring him home and stare . Their quiet house . Though he says nothing , hardly cries , they are deafened . When he nurses , he twists his head wildly , latches on off - center . He stares vacantly at the pushed - up flap of Elizabeth 's bra , slowly curling and uncurling his fingers , making mewing sounds . Elizabeth can see the corner of his jaw pumping methodically as he gulps audibly , clacking his tongue . In three minutes he will fall asleep , mouth going slack , colostrum dripping from the corner , soaking Elizabeth 's gown . There are deep red marks around the nipple , bruises where his mouth has been . The pregnancy had been an accident . They had stopped trying after two years , thrown away the ovulation kits and the charts and the syringes , and had separated . It was October then . She took an apartment . He stayed in the house , a bungalow with sloping floors and a rose garden and a breakfast nook . She had found the house in the real estate section , forced him to come and look at the old coal bin in the cellar , the wainscoting of the front rooms . He was an engineer ; he liked the Eichlers two neighborhoods over . They bought the bungalow . The front room had four glass - paned doors , a bank of south - facing windows , and was flooded with light every hour of the day . When she was in this room , she would close her eyes and breathe , and all that she felt was heat and the brightness pushing on her eyelids . When they separated , he said he would go . She made him stay . I 'll leave , she said , and when she did she dreamed about the house . The apartment was a studio in one of the new developments off the 280 . She could never remember the name of the complex when he asked - Whitecrest , or Whitehaven , or Whitelawn - and all the streets in the development began with White . Whiteridge was hers . The occupant of the apartment above had insomnia and paced the floors through the night in a long , slow , methodical circle , except when it rained , then he slept . She took a job teaching English . Evenings , in the language school , she sat at the head of a table of Japanese executives and orchestrated endless role - plays of business meetings while the men rubbed their bloodshot eyes and laughed hopelessly . They had all left their wives and children in Tokyo to work in America . They spoke of this in passing , in the same manner that they spoke of the traffic and the smog in the valley . The greenish fluorescent light in the opposite corner of the classroom flickered , at turns gently and frantically , during each class . She mentioned it to the director , a German woman who drank Scotch and manicured her nails in her dimly lit office until the evening classes finished . The light went unrepaired . As the fall deepened to winter , the sky thickened , a low dark blanket of clouds banked on the mountains . The heat in the apartment was sporadic . She began to take baths , water as hot as she could stand . Afterward , climbing out , her skin felt slack and loose as if she might shed it like a coat . She lay on the bed until she could breathe normally , then took a lukewarm shower and gripped the walls . Each individual drop of water seemed to pierce her skin , like needles . She bathed and showered each night , and by the time she finished there would be a message from Greg on her cell . He called nightly . He called her sweetness . His voice was casual , as if he were leaving a message for a colleague . Elizabeth went to the house to pick up a book she had left . He had bought lobster . He poured wine . There was pâté and miniature toasts and Viognier . He took the lobsters out of their plastic bags and let them crawl over the floor , put water on to boil , and when it did he threw them in . She could hear their claws scratching the side of the pot . My god , she said , covered her ears , and when they were silent , finally , he took her hands from her ears , handed her a glass of wine , and served the lobster steaming , with asparagus , with buttered bread . Later , in bed , she listened to a woman in the next yard speaking on the phone in Malayalam as she put up the laundry on the line . Her voice was rapid and deep . The quilt rested on Elizabeth 's hip . Greg folded it back and traced the lines of her ribs with his forefinger , the mole on her left breast . How expensive , the woman was saying . This valley drinks money . Elizabeth and Greg had honeymooned in Kerala for a month , took Malayalam lessons at the guest house in Pachallor village from a cabin boy , Saji , who had learned English from MTV . Despite the fact that Greg was fluent in French and Hungarian , that she had no language but English , she had surpassed him in Malayalam . It amused him to let her give directions in the autorickshaw , to converse with the temple guides , to order drinks during the long afternoons they played cards with the village 's American and German expatriates at the private beach , at small , tented tables . He would push up his glasses absently with his thumb and fight off a smile . The Keralans would say , No Americans even try to speak our language . Saji said , They throw out their English words like nickels we should be grateful for . Long after they left the guest house she could still hear the fishermen chanting prayers as they cast and hauled their nets from the Pozhikkara beach across the lagoon , where the whites never went . I want to meet them , she said , on the second to last day of the visit . It had surprised her to hear her voice in her mouth . The Englishwoman , the owner , overheard and pressed her hand to Elizabeth 's neck . My dear . They think the white women are whores . Because of these Europeans who sunbathe and show their tits . She patted Elizabeth 's neck twice , gently , firmly . They would rape you . She kept boxes on all the café tables to collect money for the blind children of Kerala , and she went about now with her little key , unlocking them and folding the money into a leather pouch she wore on a chain about her neck between her two long , white , flawless braids . She seemed to float from table to table , and when she had cleaned all the boxes she felt Elizabeth still watching her , turned and winked , and began to count the money out , mouthing the arithmetic . For weeks she saw no change in her body . She looked in the mirror , expecting to see a change , but it was only herself , and then she was enormous . There was no hunger , no retching . It was nothing like she had expected . " I don 't like it , " she told him when she was six months into it . " It 's like he 's not even there . " For nine months the baby hardly moved . After she moved back to the house , they bought a stethoscope to listen nightly to the gallop of his heartbeat , to make sure he was still alive . Greg tried to joke about it , to say the baby would be easy , a sleeper , that Elizabeth should be grateful for how smooth it was . She began to mark off the days of the calendar with a red pen , staring down the jagged crosses through the weeks and the months to the day he would arrive . She wondered if he was real . Even when she watched him flicker on the video screen , the technician 's wand pressing into her to show her his face , his feet , his hands , the baby turning to look out at them , she could not really believe he was there . The Japanese businessmen never mentioned the pregnancy . When she entered the classroom , they would glance only at her face , briefly smile and return their attention to the blackboard , which in those days was inevitably occupied with the handwriting of the teacher before her , whom she had never met . The lessons were always on one of two topics - the present perfect or the past perfect tense - elaborated upon in a fascistic cursive , tiny and exacting , that spanned the entire length of the blackboard . The broken light flickered on and on . When the contractions began , it was the pain that finally convinced her the baby was real . At first it was only a discomfort , the pain of the lungs too full , like when as a child she would swim in the lake off the thumb of the peninsula , standing waist high in the salty water , facing down a slow wave building from twenty feet off , squinting her eyes shut and sucking air , forgetting to exhale , waiting for the wave to crash over her head . As the night went on , the pain sharpened , became more urgent : pulled , peaked , subsided , and started again . She began to count , like they had taught in Lamaze class . Counted the length of each wave against the inch - high neon numbers on the face of the alarm clock - six minutes apart , then five . Now six again . She thought of nothing , ticking off the neat precision of the seconds in her head , steady as a metronome , until slats of pearl - gray light fingered through the Venetian blinds . She realized she 'd been counting since midnight . When she returned from the hospital , a new family had moved in next door , into the bungalow that was identical to theirs except for the color and the composition of the roof . Greg said they must be Mennonites . There seemed to be no husband . The woman and the girls wore small , white immaculate bonnets and long , pressed cotton skirts . Their faces were very plain and bright . The girls laughed often ; they seemed innumerable and nearly identical . How many daughters do you think there are ? she asked Greg , and he looked at her , and kept looking at her . Just two , he said . The house began to seem smaller . After William fell back asleep in mid - morning , Elizabeth lay in bed beside him , her fingers resting on his sternum as it rose and fell . She could remember resting in bed with her mother , the poem she would say that had Elizabeth 's name - You lay in the crate of your last death / But were not you , not finally you . / They have stuffed her cheeks , I said ; This clay hand , this mask of Elizabeth / Are not true . There were more - Dylan , Keats , were her favorites , not the confessionals , except for the Sexton poem . She had read poems instead of fairy tales or nursery rhymes . This is what Elizabeth can remember . Not her face , nothing else . When she was killed , Elizabeth was ten . The story had been in the paper , so her father stopped the paper . There was no funeral . If Elizabeth spoke her mother 's name , he turned away , made a motion with his hand . Later she realized he was crossing himself . After more women disappeared from their city , she began to see the dredge teams when she crossed the Fitzhugh Street Bridge on her way home from school . Finally a child in her class told her that someone was kidnapping and drowning women , and that her mother had been the first . Later she could not remember which of her classmates it was , not even whether it was a boy or a girl . In her memory the face of the child who told her this is merely a mouth , and the words are not audible . She has the sense of being struck in the skull , the sense of her teeth reverberating . When she crossed the bridge , she could not stop looking at the water . It was the river she had known since birth . It went on and on . The bridge traffic would roar by , blasting sheets of slush and ice , and she would raise her muffler over her face like a burka and swear and cringe , soaked . On the other side of the bridge she waited for the bus . It came just after the three o ' clock lift . The two central leaves of the bridge would part from one another as if making an offering to the sky . Through the open passage , a steady line of barges andThe doorbell rings . William moves closer to her on the bed . She sets him aside in the bassinet , pulls her robe together . She is leaking milk . There are two wet , spreading spots on the front of the robe . She abandons it , stuffs pads in a nursing bra , latches the bra . The doorbell rings again . There is nothing clean . She settles on a nightdress , crumpled on the floor from last night when Greg had taken it off , the first time since the baby . Through the glass panels that flank the front door , she can see it is one of her students , one of the businessmen . He stands with his head slightly bowed . As she opens the door , William is crying deep in the back of the house . The student 's eyes are flinty . " Go get him , it is fine . " His voice sounds raw , as if he has been sick . William is contorted with hiccups . When she enters the room , he cries only harder , stretching out his arms , clenching and unclenching his fists . His forehead , when she presses her lips to it , smells warm and dusty . His arms wrap about her neck , he finally goes quiet , and they return together to her student . Elizabeth notices now that the student holds a box encased in purple iridescent wrapping paper , crowned with a tiny crimson bow . " For you , " he says , extending the gift . She struggles to remember his name . " For the birth of your child . And for your time as our teacher . " " I hope this isn 't a good - bye gift . I do plan to come back , " she said . " After the baby is a few months old . " He shrugs . He knows she will not be back . She sets William in his jumper and takes the box , turns it over and over in her hands , listening to the weight move from one end of the box to the other . It sounds like rocks rattling down a hill . Because he 's watching , waiting , she tears at the paper and they look together at the shallow glass bowl , the plastic bundles of gravel and bulbs . " Forcing bowl , " he says . " For forcing narcissus . One tricks the flowers into blooming in winter . By keeping them in darkness , and watering . They take root in the gravel , and when they bloom , you may bring them out of darkness into the sun . They believe it is spring and they are beautiful , very white . " She opens a bag , takes a handful of the bulbs in her hand , rubs her fingers against their rough skin . They are ugly , like shallots but darker , nothing like the picture . Their brown skins flake off onto her fingers . She tries to imagine tricking something into believing it is spring , using only water and light . Akio . That is his name . She remembers him . One of her first assignments for the class had been a personal essay . They were to write about an event in their lives . Most of the men wrote about their work - joining their first company , or attaining a promotion . Two men wrote about their wedding day . Akio had written about a school trip he had taken as a child to the Akita prefecture , to the sea . He described standing on the beach road outside the bus with a friend and the assistant teacher while the rest of his classmates played on the sand below . The pleasant heat of the noon sun , his hunger as he awaited their return so that they might eat on the return drive to Tokyo . Their lunches waited on the bus . Akio had watched his mother prepare his that morning : umeboshi , rice . The hunger was like an angry badger in his stomach . Below , on the cement - colored sand , the lead teacher was attempting to gather his classmates in . She seemed to be speaking rapidly , her hands making short , cutting gestures . She wore a blue kerchief that lifted and darted in the wind . The sea birds had fallen silent . The ocean pulled away from the shore , then rushed forward , and the beach below vanished , the sea like a mouth had closed over it . He was pushed onto the bus and there was a grinding noise as the motor started , the wheels squealed at the pavement , and he was thrown forward with his friend in the aisle beside him . They clung to one another . Through the windows , as the bus whined uphill , they could see , rolling slowly across the flat , churning plain of the ocean , a wave with a long white tip . " And so it is a boy ? " Akio is saying with approval . William stares at his own fingers , lifts a foot to his mouth and gums the big toe , and Elizabeth says yes , a healthy boy , a big boy , nearly nine pounds . " Motherhood becomes you , " he says . " We miss you very much as our teacher . The new one is a man . He does not have your red hair , or your mean jokes . But he is fine . We continue . " He pours the gravel carefully into the forcing bowl , arranges the bulbs in a circle , fills a tumbler on the counter with water from the tap , demonstrates pouring around the bulbs . She stands in the doorway and watches , her hands clasped behind her back , nodding . " And see , " he says , " how the water must just touch the roots , no farther , or the bulbs will rot . And then no paperwhite . I have ruined many myself . They find a flashlight , descend to the cellar . He carries the forcing bowl before him with two hands , as if he has not yet entrusted her to it . He places it on a shelf near the coal chute . William has fallen asleep in her arms , in the darkness . Akio lets the beam of the flashlight fall at some point on the floor between himself and her and William . They are only just visible to one another . " You must not forget about it , " he says . A month passes . Two , and three . Time begins to seem more fluid , and at the same time intractable . She looks up from the sink of dishes and her watch has swallowed an hour , the tips of her fingers wrinkled in the lukewarm water . She wakes from an afternoon nap and it 's seven and dark outside , Greg calling to say he 's five minutes from home , what 's for dinner ? She waters the forcing bowl and the bulbs remain lifeless . Each day she expects at least one of them to have broken open , but they are unchanged . One evening she finds William playing in the office with the toy box with the five small doors , his favorite . Each door has a different kind of lock , and he is trying them all , over and over , watching his hands . He catches sight of Elizabeth and stares as if she 's a stranger . " Come on , " she says , her voice full of cheer . " Let 's cook . " He turns back to the locks , shakes his head . Greg stands over the bed , ready to leave for work , already in his suit and his face shaved clean . The clock reads 6 : 15 . He has to leave before dawn , he says , or he sits in traffic for hours . At the silence he sighs . " Call someone today , all right ? I left you a list of the doctors on our plan . On your desk , by the laptop . You 'll call today , right ? " It is Sunday morning , the highway to Santa Cruz empty of cars . They rocket up the mountain road , the sun glinting off the hood of the car . Elizabeth fiddles with the radio knob but finds only Spanish - speaking stations . Finally she switches off the volume and leans back in her seat in the silence , watching the redwoods lean toward them , swaying , as if to beckon them into the mountain , to stay . Elizabeth shakes her head , closes her eyes . They had visited his parents just before they were married . They woke up their first morning to an ice storm . Everything not white was black , perfect chiaroscuro , the world frozen , coated , blasted bright in the sun . The roads were salted and salted and still it was three days before they could leave the house . Late in the afternoon of the first day she wandered the vast , dark rooms with Greg 's stepfather , his hand warmly tucked into the crook of her elbow , and learned the origin of the Chinese artifacts displayed in the shadowboxes on the red walls of the study , the history of the Ming dynasty , which he had studied at Harvard , his struggle to master even a tourist 's Mandarin . The drapes in the study were drawn against the setting sun , but a narrow part allowed a column of light to ease toward them as the sun emerged from a cloud . The stepfather took her chin in his hand and turned her face aside . His tongue traced the edge of her ear . She stared at a pair of Chinese slippers in a glass case on the fireplace mantel . The toes were embroidered with grinning , mustached dragons . " Do you like them ? " he said . " Do you like all this ? There used to be a term . Marrying up . Do people still use that term ? But really , I 'm only joking . It 's so obviously love . Come on , now . Smile , " he said . When she didn 't , he left . She stood in the study until the column of light narrowed and disappeared and when it was dark she went to the kitchen . Greg and his parents were drinking cava and eating from a bowl of glistening olives . Later , in bed , Greg said , " He 's essentially benign . Ignore him if you can . " Two days later , when the roads cleared , his mother drove them to the airport alone . The roads were littered with dead tree limbs that cracked beneath the tires of the SUV . The sky was low , the color of nickel . Greg 's mother squeezed Elizabeth 's hands as they said good - bye . " We can 't wait for Saint Helena . " Their wedding , in the wine country , in the spring . Her eyes were moist . Elizabeth pretended not to notice . At the beach , she sits in the shadow of the pier and watches them racing the waves to shore , Greg tall and graceful , William clumsy , falling again and again , laughing when he does because Greg laughs . His hair glints blond in the sun . He looks nothing like either Greg or Elizabeth , tow - headed and blue - eyed , chubby and rosy . Watching him now , her vision begins to slowly narrow , until , as if through a tunnel , she sees nothing else . No sand , no sea , no sun , and no sky . One morning before dawn , she stands in the kitchen listening to the wind moving in the palms that line the driveway . The fronds rattle and pause , rattle and pause . William and Greg are still sleeping , the house dark except for the kitchen light . She opens the door , and the palms rattle louder . Then she is in the car , the steering wheel in her hands . When she comes home at nine , Greg is at the dining - room table with his coffee and his breakfast plate and his paper . He looks up briefly , shovels a forkful of eggs in his mouth . " Where were you ? " " You didn 't take your cell . I 've got a nine - thirty I probably won 't be able to make . " He stands , flips the paper , folds it under his arm . In his crib he is breathing steadily , deep in sleep , knees to his chest . Elizabeth imagines him in the womb like this , floating , fingers pressed tightly around his feet , head bent close to his heart , surrounded by the sound of her voice , the rush of her blood . He seems very small , hardly larger than the day he was born . The second time she leaves the house to go driving it is midnight , and noon before she stops driving . She is in the mountains . It is winter : the bark of the pine trees inky - black against the snow . She stops at a trailhead , strips off a glove , brushes her fingers against the pointed tips of the needles . Her feet make a piebald of the trail . The air is so cold it sears her throat , freezes the inside of her nostrils , and pulls when she tries to breathe . In the house it is so easy to breathe she never gives it a second thought . The snow makes a silence so deep even the birds sound smothered . She had the same dream for years after her mother died : standing at the top of a shallow hill , the Michigan snow drifting sideways , lighter than ash , no break in the white until the sudden black of a road beneath opening under a truck 's metal jaws . From where she stood she could hear tires grinding against the new salt , then see the exhaust , pale as frost , billowing from a tailpipe . In this dream she did not raise her hands , find the shape of her fingers against the drifts . She did not move forward , feel her foot sinking into the softness , or breathe . She stood rooted in place , gathering snow like an old oak tree , closed in hood and gloves and high rubber boots , waiting only for the earth to take color , to carve a horizon . The cell phone begins to ring steadily . She takes the phone out of her purse and lays it on the passenger seat . Every five minutes Greg 's number flashes in the small blue window , through the dimming of afternoon and into night , so that eventually , only this and the glare from her headlights punctuates the darkness . They see a therapist . Her office is on the second floor of a converted warehouse in the city . The first floor is a Chicano art museum , the third floor a set of lofts , the second a series of psychiatric practices , connected by a single , long , echoing hallway dotted with tasteful Oriental rugs . At the end of the hallway , just outside their therapist 's office , is a sculpture by a Peruvian artist - a single , oblong block of obsidian , with a miniscule , almost invisible spot of red at its core . The therapist is a woman of indeterminate age who sits at a great distance from them , her hands folded over the arms of a black leather chair in the posture of a pharaoh . Although it is Greg that speaks , it is Elizabeth she regards , an unceasing stare that obliterates Elizabeth 's sense of her body , her place in the room . As Greg speaks , and speaks , it is as if her skin , membranes , organs , have imploded . She feels herself hovering , amorphous , weightless , at some point between the door and the black chair with its pair of cupped white hands . " Control is extremely important for her , " Greg continues as if she had not spoken . " Control . Logic . When she couldn 't conceive , and the doctors didn 't understand why , it was the end of everything . Everything had to end . Us . We had to end . " " When I married her , I gave her everything , " Greg says . " When I married her , she had nothing . She was living on eighteen hundred dollars a month . She grew up in public housing . Now she can buy anything she wants . Go anywhere she wants . Has the child she wanted . And I think she will kill herself . " " Then what , " Greg says . " If not that , what . What . " He stands up and walks out of the room . After a moment , Elizabeth follows him out and down the street , finds him leaning against their car , his face in his hands . She stands in front of him for a moment , then circles in front of the car and climbs into the passenger seat and buckles herself in . It is Halloween . They dress William as a ghost . Elizabeth cuts out two holes in a pillow case and puts it over his head and finally , he seems content . Every afternoon for a week he has woken from his nap screaming , inconsolable . She paces the floors , her ears numb , working a small , irregular circle between his shoulder blades with her fingertips until Greg 's car pulls in the driveway . When the headlights scan the length of the dining - room wall , the crying falls off . He begins to hiccup . Elizabeth hears the blood rushing in her ears . When Greg walks in , William leans forward , almost tipping out of her arms . Greg kisses the baby first , then Elizabeth . She pours out two glasses of wine and finishes hers without tasting it . When their doorbell rings , Greg takes William to the door and holds out the bowl of candy . Elizabeth , sitting on the couch , sees thin arms stretching out to touch her hooded son , the little cries of the children , the small hands touching his hands . Their mothers pull them away . There are quiet admonitions . William drops chocolates in the children 's bags and claps at his own success . The Mennonites come to the door , and Greg invites them inside and they stand near Elizabeth , spinning in their identical Sleeping Beauty costumes , holding out their iridescent skirts . Their masks are heart - shaped , the eyes painted cerulean blue , heavy - lidded , as if they are falling asleep , or just waking , the cupid bow 's mouths slightly parted in an expression of surprise . Their mother stands aside , her hands clasped behind her long skirts . She says , " They are so joyful , " and Elizabeth sees that only the mother is wearing her bonnet . The girls ' hair is dark and shining , loose to their waists . They take their candy , thank William solemnly , as if he were an adult . As they leave , their mother 's hands rest on the crown of each girl 's head . When the candy is gone , Greg shuts off the porch lights and sits on the couch a few inches from her and closes his fingers around her palm . They listen to the children screaming , their footfalls and laughter in the street , William still in his ghost costume , playing with Greg 's tie . They sit in the silence , holding hands . In bed , his face is distracted and intent , as if he were reading a map . He closes his eyes , or stares intently at some part of her body - a collarbone , a rib . Afterward he falls asleep without speaking , at the far end of the bed , or turns on the television and lies with his head propped by three pillows , watching the shapes on the screen . Sometimes when she wakes in the morning the television is still on but muted , and he is sleeping , still on his back , his hands folded gently and carefully over his chest , and she can see what William will look like as a man . For three weeks the narcissus have been unchanged , but the morning after the first frost , early November , green shoots have ruptured the bulbs . They curve in a hook , like beaks , smooth and nearly white . She cannot resist taking one between her fingers . It is soft and cold , and warms to her touch like skin . From then they grow rapidly , entire inches overnight . Their green deepens , they straighten , as if reaching . When she wakes in the morning , breasts knotty with milk , mouth dry , the first thing she thinks of is the narcissus . She brings warm water , pours around the edges of the bulbs while the water line rises through the pebbles . It is not the bulbs she thinks of as living , but the roots that have threaded the base of the forcing bowl , white and strong as coir , the roots she considers when she runs the tap water over her wrist to gauge the temperature . When the narcissus begin to flower , she brings the forcing bowl from the cellar into the brightness of the house in early afternoon . It is only in this light that she notices the roots covered in a fine hair , like lanugo . When Highway 1 threads into the city and it is time to choose , she gets on the Embarcadero and then the on - ramp to the Bay Bridge , joins the morning rush - hour traffic of the upper deck . The Golden Gate is for suicides , or lovers , or tourists headed south to the verdant hush of the city park or north to the golden hills and the fog of Sausalito . The Bay Bridge rattles like a cage , an elaborate two - story metal jaw crammed with commuter cars , a highway in the sky . Even now at dawn , it vibrates with shuttling steel and rubber . Sunlight shudders past the diagonal box beams . The bridge is creased with shadows . Coming off the bridge , on the other side , the toll - booth lanes are moving slowly . The traffic going into Oakland is at seventy miles an hour . In the rearview mirror the bay ripples , a pristine blue . She rolls down her window . The air tastes thick and metallic . On either side of her are semitrucks . Her cell phone begins to ring and continues to ring every five minutes . She takes out the phone and lays it on the passenger seat . By the time she reaches Martinez , the great scape of refineries shrouded in smog , the phone has fallen silent . The gas station seems to lean onto the highway , the light from the convenience store lipping the pavement . An ancient Sonoco sign spins slowly above the rusted roof , the four pumps , and when she pulls into the bay , kills the ignition , the silence seems strange , forced . She reaches inside her sweater , and her fingers come away wet . The cashier 's eyes skim past her face to the two oval stains streaking the green of her sweater , then away , then to her eyes . He is black , no older than twenty . " Can I help you ? " he whispers . His face is stricken , as if he is witnessing a murder . When he hands her the restroom key , he is careful not to let his fingers touch hers . The women 's room is closet - sized , stabbingly , fluorescently bright . It smells equally of gasoline , cigarettes , and talcum . A changing table attached to the wall is lying open , black straps dangling limply over the sides . Elizabeth wipes the table clean with a damp paper towel and folds it against the wall . She flips the light switch , and the pressure at the front of her skull flints with the darkness . The bra unhooked , the heat from the radiator ripples over her skin . The milk is fast under her fingers , soaking the paper towels . Then all that is left is a white hot thread , from her right armpit to the nipple . The cell phone begins to ring again . She switches on the light and places the phone gently in the small silver trash can behind the toilet , in a nest of soiled diapers and sanitary napkins wadded in tissue . Two hours north , the snow starts , and she lets the window down . The flurries swirl into the car , melting on the warmth of her face . She thinks about parking the car , letting the snow build inside and out , packing it with her hands - a kind of snow cave . When she was fourteen , violence had broken out in their neighborhood . It was winter , a few hours of milky sunlight swallowed quickly by nightfall . The boys who stole cars and sniffed paint had divided in some mysterious way . There were elaborately staged fights late at night after their mothers had gone to bed . They left home and amassed in the courtyard , circling each other under the sodium lights . Elizabeth would wake to the sound of their fists , muffled grunts . She listened in bed , fell back deeply asleep while they fought on . One morning after a hard snow , when she woke , her skin was stiff with cold . Two panes of her bedroom window smashed , the bits of glass on the carpet smeared with blood and human hair . The foot of her bed was encased in a snow drift . She bathed in hot water until she felt her toes again , put on her parka and mittens and shoveled the snow out the window . She vacuumed the glass and went to school . Her father repaired the panes . The next night when the fights started , he went out to the courtyard with a gun she 'd never known he had . He fired a shot into a tree and the boys disappeared . Afterward he took out the clip and let her hold the gun . She traded it from one hand to the other , unsure of the warmth and the weight . She pretended to shoot him . " Bang , bang , " she said , and he clutched his heart , gagging . By then she was almost as tall as he was . When she stood before him , they looked one another in the eye . " You 're dead , " she said , and he fell to the floor , still gripping his shirt in his hands . She lay the gun on his belly , gently , like a newborn child , and he lay still , his eyes closed , and held the gun in his hands . Tomorrow it will be Thanksgiving . She thinks of Greg 's mother and stepfather moving toward him , past the immense glass wall of security , carry - ons in hand . His mother will be wearing cashmere , kissing William , asking , Where is your wife ? After this there is a long parenthesis of silence in her mind , a kind of dull hum . When they arrive home the first thing they see , in the foyer , on the credenza , is the narcissus . By now surely , it is in full bloom . At eleven she is circling a lake that is too big to be called a lake . She has been following it since the town of Zebulon twenty miles back , and it is there still , beyond the copses of birch , dark and unmoving , like a great footprint . The road has narrowed , Canada another fifty miles north . The snow has started again , falling straight as rain . Submersion , a cup of silence and then a break , the cut of wind on her face . She comes awake , covered with glass . Slivers of light play across the dashboard , a wall of snow two inches from her face . The radio is on , hissing static . She turns her head , and glass slips down the back of her sweater , soft as sand . Her shoulders are rigid now . She understands , if she moves it could be worse , though there is blood already , warm and steady behind her left ear . Deep in the bank of snow her headlights are still shining ; four feet into the wall are two faint , bluish tunnels , flickering gently . The clean smell of ice . It is a cancer , she remembers having thought before she realized it was a pregnancy , the image of blackness stained on her lungs or in the ducts of her breasts irreplaceable to her , somehow satisfying , even after it was clear she was too young , still too young , and strong enough in fact to create a new life . Later she won 't remember how exactly she gets out , the individual machinations of planning and execution , only the parched taste of her mouth and the sound of her hands and knees gently crushing glass , followed by the realization that she is standing on the ice of the lake and moving forward toward a cluster of lights on the other side of the bay . Adrenaline , Greg will say later . An interval of suspended memory . When he says this , in the dark , William 's body touching her side and his side between them in the dark , and only the sound of the boy breathing , she understands that William 's memory will include this pause , as he realizes her absence , and the absence of milk and her hands . Adrenaline and the pause : a mere subtraction of her from the composite of memories of her . She thinks , it will not be painful . It will not be felt . On the far side of the water are the lights , and the ice does not give , but she is already seeing the water closing over her head , the cold thrust of it on her forehead . The ice is silent under her feet . She knows , or once knew but tries to remember , what is sleeping , hibernating on the floor of the lake , where the warmer water is pressed in by the roof of ice . What is it , drinking oxygen from the water , not through a mouth but through the skin of the throat . She had asked her mother where the turtles went in the winter , and her mother had taken her to the pond where the neighborhood boys swam in the summer and said , under there , under this , and held her fingers and smiled . Elizabeth had imagined the turtles tucked under the ice , in their shells , safe and not sleeping , but something deeper than sleep and deeper than death , an instinct so precise it preserved them perfectly until spring . The blood has dried behind her ear and pulls at her skin when she turns her head , and the lights are ahead , minutely closer , and above them a star . The star burns above her and above the lights , the brightest star in Pisces that represents the knot of the cord that ties mother and son , Aphrodite and Eros , who have transformed themselves into fish to ensure their survival . They have tied themselves together so that they will not become lost from one another in the river . Moving has brought feeling to her legs again and she understands that glass is embedded into the skin , that every time she takes a step forward , the glass chafes against the denim of her jeans , the leather of her boots . The lights distinguish themselves from one another , and the village takes shape : the apex of a steeple , the roofline of a small shed . A bar is at the edge of the shore , a patio thrust out over the lake where in summer she knows they will put out tables with umbrellas and plastic chairs and men will drink and revel in the three months without snow . Someone opens a door and steps out to the parking lot to light a cigarette , and laughter rings across the ice , and when the laughter reaches her , she begins to run . On the edge of the lake water ripples under the ice and her boots punch and sink past the ice and the water numbs her , instantly , to the knees . The snow forms a hard , solid drift from the lake to the parking lot . A tailless dog waiting in the parking lot watches her , shivering , as she takes the drift with her hands and pulls up on it as if it were a sheer face of rock . And music , solid squares of light from the windows and then she is inside , leaning onto the wall of coats in the sliver of silence as the faces turn from one another to the door . Later the absence will not be of consequence . The day after she returns home , the school shootings will begin one by one to describe a slow circle around their city , and the newscasts will show close - ups of young girls , mouths torn open with grief , as if they didn 't know they were being watched , or didn 't care , and the cameras will pan , tracking the stretchers coming out of the cafeterias and study halls of beige brick schools as tall and vast and blank as warehouses . The newspapers will be filled with photo memorials of the dead . Greg and Elizabeth will open the newspapers in the morning , and she will cry while he watches her silently and then leaves for work . Her flight got in close to midnight , and she had taken a taxi and let herself into the house , gone to their bed , and William woke when she lifted the covers and made a sound that was not exactly her name . In the morning Greg woke and lay looking at her for a long time , then reached over William , folded back the sheets , studied the bandages , then got up to begin making coffee . The day went on ; she played with the baby in bed until Greg stood in the doorway and said , " How much more of this ? " And she said , " I don 't know . " He had not touched the narcissus . They are long dead , and there is not even the smell of rot - they are past that , only a dark , brackish water obscuring the rocks . She carries the bowl with both hands to the back yard on a hot afternoon when William sleeps and sleeps and sleeps ; she carries the bowl to the orange tree and pours it all there , rocks and all , and leaves the bowl under the tree . A year later , after the daughter is born , Elizabeth is picking oranges with William ; she is standing on a ladder in the hot sun while the baby watches them from her bed of blankets in the grass and William plays with the heavy , sweet oranges in the basket . An orange has split and the juice is trickling over his hands ; the bowl is still there , cloudier now and cracked , and some animal has made a nest in it . She doesn 't think of it again until they sell the house to move to Virginia , doesn 't think of it even until after the house has sold and they 've moved out to the hotel where they will stay the two weeks until they can take the flight to the new house in Virginia . She thinks of it in the middle of the night , and she isn 't sure if the new people have moved in yet ; they may be there already , sleeping in her room . She wakes up William anyway and takes him and leaves the baby sleeping next to Greg at the hotel . William asks no questions the half - hour drive to the house ; he is heavy and quiet in her arms when she lifts him from the car seat . The driveway is empty . With her free hand she flips the latch on the gate and it creaks as always . The yard is soft , full , overgrown . As if they have decided together , they sit down and take off their dew - soaked shoes , walk together to the orange tree , and William says it is as if the grass is washing their feet clean . E . B . Vandiver 's work has most recently appeared in Georgia Review , Ninth Letter , and Shenandoah . A former Poe - Faulkner Fellow at the University of Virginia , she lives in North Carolina . |
Well I think I 've been doing quite well lately . After the near death experience it seems like I 've had a new outlook on life and my relationship and I think Snackers has felt the same way . We had a rather interesting and unexpected chat over a plate of chips and salsa at Denny 's the other day that really brought us closer together , I think . My parents were here for a visit last weekend . They arrived late Friday morning and hung out with us around the house until I got off work . Snackers introduced them to the wonders of Netflix on the 51 " flatscreen and I think my dad was in love . When I got done with work we took them to Sam 's Town where we walked around the Casino , killed some time , and my mom and I shared a virgin margarita while we waited for the light and water show that they have there . They played a variety of tunes but finished it up with " Proud to Be an American " which got us all a little choked up . After that we went to dinner at the East - side Cannery . . . which wasn 't great , I 'll admit . Their breakfasts there are much better but dinner was a bit of a let - down . From there my mom wanted to do some quick shopping at Target because , being a diabetic , my dad has some special dietary needs . I had some sugar free items that I 'd picked up for him and a huge bag of snacks designed specifically to help diabetics regulate their blood sugar that our friends sent over for him but I forgot the simple things like skim milk and whole wheat bread . After that we came home and watched Storage Wars , also on Netflix until bed . We had fun on Saturday as well , though Snackers had to work and dad wasn 't feeling great so we lazied around in my living room through most of the morning while mom and I talked and dad watched the news in HD . . . I think I saw little heart shaped bubbles floating out of the top of his head . lol Around noon the three of us went to lunch at Coyotes ( yummy authentic Mexican food ) and then picked Snackers up from work . We stopped in briefly at Kohl 's and Old Navy because my dad wanted to buy my mom some new clothes for her birthday that 's coming up but instead of her finding anything for herself Snackers ended up finding two jackets for me . One is a joggers jacket so it 's snug , long sleeved with thumb holes in the cuffs , and high collared . It has interior and exterior pockets for an ipod , cell phone etc . and is made from that material that wicks away sweat . The other is a long grey knit sweater like the one the ghost wears on Being Human . I love them ! From there we headed to Caesar 's Palace and the Miracle Mile shops where we browsed stores that we could never even hope to afford anything from and watched a few minutes of the water fountain show but it was LAME so we left for the main attraction . FREEMONT STREET ! My dad has always wanted to see the experience since it opened so that had to be on our to - do list . You can zip - line the experience now , from one end to the half - way point but the downer is they require ID and my dad didn 't have his on him so that got shot down . We did a lot of walking though and I even sprinted about a block - and - a - half and back again to check on the tickets for the zip - line before we found out you needed ID to ride it . After that my parents did something I never thought they 'd ever do in Vegas . My dad had a psychic read his palm . Even more surprisingly was that he was pretty impressed by her , and that 's especially shocking because my dad is the biggest skeptic I know when it comes to psychics but he seemed impressed enough that he and my mom both thought Snackers should get his done . . . so we did . I was impressed and I think Snackers was too but he was kind of blowing it off a little . After that mom had her first - ever KrispyCreme donut ( and dad had a taste ) . Snackers had a chocolate milk shake made from pure butter fat ( and mom had a taste ) . I abstained from both . By then the experience had started and it was the one we went specifically to see : American Pie by Don McLean . It was awesome ! I 've seen a few different shows at the experience and this one was the best . Dad and I were both singing along and at one point a rocket ship blasted from one end of the experience to the other . My dad worked on rockets when he was a design engineer so he especially loved that part . From there we continued to make our way from one end to the other , stopping to get our pictures taken with Elmo and the Cookie Monster because my mom thought my sister 's kids would get a kick out of it . Then I taught dad how to play penny slots while Snackers and Mom sampled the 99 cent deep fried twinkies and oreos . They also got a frozen , chocolate covered banana on a stick but they didn 't eat it so I picked the chocolate off and snacked on the banana on our way back to the car . Sunday morning we got up and went to breakfast as Weiss ' , an authentic Jewish restaurant with the YUMMIEST homemade bagels and fresh tomato slices EVER ! Then we took dad to get his first ever professional massage and while he was doing that mom , Snackers , and I hung out in a sports bar next door playing video poker and watching the Patriots game . Mom doubled her $ 5 . Yeah mom ! Then we headed to Nikki Lee 's when dad was done to finish watching the game because it 's close to the airport and way more comfortable than the one by the spa . Mom and I walked a block - and - a - half to the nearest 7 - 11 because I realized , after we got there , that I needed some girl supplies . . . if you catch my drift . Then we pretty much hung out and watched one of the most intense football games I 've seen all year . By then it was time to take them to the shuttle so Snackers dropped us all off and I walked them to the shuttle pick - up while he did loops . I said goodby and told the driver to take good care of them , then headed back upstairs to jump in the car . I 've started my last classes for school before graduation . My last day of class will be April 1st and my commencement will be on June 9th . Snackers and I are thinking of getting some Garfield and Odie costumes and becoming street performers on Freemont Street for extra ducats in the evenings once I 'm done with classes . Those peeps make about $ 100 a night according to an article published in the local paper and you don 't have to have special licensing to do it as long as you stay a certain distance from the casino entrances and are respectful of the other street performers . Not a bad night job if you ask me ! The IUD was starting to worry me that my body was going to reject it . I 've read about a dozen horror stories from women who had issues for months after receiving it and had to have it taken out because their bodies just wouldn 't adapt . If that happens I 'm out the $ 500 , no refund . . . so I 've been pretty concerned . But yesterday and today seem better . I haven 't had any pain but I was going through more than normal on the girl supplies last week and part of the week before but it looks like it 's slowing down now so I just might be alright . * crosses fingers * . And finally , Vladdy turned 1 - year old yesterday so Snackers had a little party for him at the park and our friends brought him a doggy ice - cream cup . I stayed home to work on the latest book which is just about finished ( I love dogs . . . really I do but having a birthday party for a dog just isn 't " me " I guess ) . So that 's that . How are all of you doing ? Any new news or developments lately ? Woke up early yesterday morning to the sun shining , birds chirping ( well cooing rather because they were pigeons ) , not a cloud in the sky , and no wind so we thought " Let 's go Kayaking ! " Sure it 's January but it was beautiful out so why not right ? . . . Famous last words . We loaded up the yaks and gear , grabbed some Subway and a sugar free redbull for me and headed out . We estimate that we put our boats into the water around 9 : 45 and we 'd left the dogs at home because " We wanted to do some serious rowing " . . . thank goodness ! We launched out of Las Vegas Bay on Lake Mead and headed toward Hoover Dam . Turns out it 's a lot farther than you 'd think when you 're driving it but the water was calm and we were making great time . By 10 : 00 a . m . we couldn 't even see the marina anymore . I 'm not sure what time it was when the wind started up but we decided that since we 're still new to kayaking we should head back and stay close to the car . We had an experience in our little inflatable boat that we used to have two years ago where we rowed out and couldn 't get back because of the current and I had to get out and tow the boat back all along the shoreline . That was actually a big part of why we sold that boat and bought yaks . Lighter , easier to maneuver but still . . . we 're novices and we 're not trying to get ourselves killed . Our original plan was to find a beach and have lunch but there was nothing but cliffs on our side of the lake where we 'd rowed to so we decided to row back to the car , have lunch there , and then head out again in the opposite direction . By the time the wind started it was already too late . It went from no wind to gales in a single gust . It took us approximately 20 minutes to get out to where we couldn 't see the marina and we spent over an hour with the marina in view trying to get back to it but going virtually nowhere . Then I glanced behind me and saw that not only had Snackers fallen about 150 yards behind . . . but his yak was upside down and I couldn 't see him anywhere . At first I wasn 't worried . We practiced getting back on our yaks in the event of a flip right after we got them so I just watched and waited . . . and waited . Then I started to panic . I could see his oar floating in one direction and our cooler , which had been on his yak , floating in the other direction and I realized that he and I were in two different currents that were pushing us away from each other . He was just coming around the corner of a hill where the current was pushing north and I had made it half way along a parallel course to the hill where the current was pushing west . . . so we were screwed . I saw a speed boat going right past Snackers so I thought if I could signal the boat to go help him we 'd be fine . I started screaming and waving my paddle in the air but the boat went right past first Snackers , and then me , without seeing us at all . So I grabbed the cell phone out of the dry box , sealed it back up , and called 911 because I couldn 't see him , I couldn 't hear him , and I knew it would take me forever to get to him and that might be too late . But while I 'm on the phone with dispatch Shawn finally starts screaming . Every horror film you 've ever seen where a guy is screaming for help because someone is cutting his legs off or whatever . . . is pretty realistic . It is a completely bone chilling sound , especially when it 's coming from someone you love and I STILL couldn 't see him and his yak was STILL upside down . So I remember telling the dispatch " I can 't talk he 's screaming and I have to row , I have to help him , please send someone to get us " and then I put the phone in my mouth and started to row . Two strokes later I was in the water . It 's weird because I hadn 't even felt remotely unstable prior to flipping . There hadn 't been " almost " moments where I thought I was going to flip but managed to stable it out . . . nothing . I was completely secure and wondering " How in the hell did he flip " one second and the next second I was in the water . As it turns out Snackers had been able to keep a hold on his yak but couldn 't flip it back over to get back in it , but when he saw me go over he abandoned his yak and started swimming as hard as he could toward me . We were both wearing hoodies under our life jackets and the instant they got wet they got HEAVY ! I could see Snackers ' vest was clear up over his head and the only thing keeping it on him was his arms and that scared the hell out of me . About 10 - 15 feet away he said he wanted to take his life vest off so that he could take his hoodie off . I 've tried to put a life vest on in deep water before and I KNOW it 's almost impossible so I started screaming " NO ! LEAVE IT ON AND SWIM ! " I figured , at the very least he needed to get to the yak first so he 'd have something to hang on to if he couldn 't get his vest back on . He made it to me and together we started swimming toward the cliffs while clinging to the yak but it didn 't take us long to realize we were going in the opposite direction . Another boat passed and we screamed and screamed and it just kept going . We realized we were heading kind of in the general direction of this big rock sticking up out of the water so we decided to go with the current , instead of against it , and try to get to the rock . I couldn 't get back in the yak . I 'd already tried but Snackers insisted that I keep trying to get in . I finally told him it made more sense for him to get in . He 'd been in the water the longest , he was the strongest , and he stood the best change of rowing us both to the rock so he did . I saw another boat so he got on the yak and tried to signal and it passed . He checked the cell but it was dead because it had been on when I flipped and it went into the water . . . so back to plan A - row for the rock . I held on to the back of the yak and kicked my legs as hard as I could and Snackers rowed . He kept trying to talk to me but I had swells over a foot high crashing over my head and the yak paddle was blasting water into my face with every stroke but I didn 't want Snackers to know because I didn 't want him to stop rowing with everything he had so I just kept my mouth shut , did my best to inhale between waves , and kicked . I swallowed and inhaled a LOT of water . The next thing I know I hear him saying that we 're going to miss the rock because the current is going to push us right past the tip of it . I looked around him and realized we needed to turn about 30 degrees to the left so I grabbed the back of the yak and yanked it to the right and screamed " ROW ! " I started to get too cold at that point . There were these little white streaks of light that were kind of dancing around in my vision and everything behind them looked much darker than it should have - like I was looking through a microscope or something and I kept just telling myself in my head " Don 't pass out , be strong . You can do this . Keep it together , keep going . " We know that we were in the water for a MINIMUM of 30 minutes based on the time of the call to 911 but we finally made it to the rock . I climbed around the yak and managed to get up onto the rock but I couldn 't feel my legs AT ALL . They were so dark purple that I was instantly terrified . I 've had frost bite on my toes before and I 've never seen my skin that purple , ever . Snackers kept telling me to keep climbing up higher so that he could get out and I wanted to but I literally couldn 't feel my legs so I 'd try to pick them up and put them down and I couldn 't feel if I was standing on a sharp rock or a flat rock or if the rock was stable or moving . I knew I was getting cut up on my hands and legs because I could see the scrapes and blood but I couldn 't feel them . We finally managed to both get up on the rock and drag the yak up onto it with us , then we took off our vest and hoodies because they were soaking wet and freezing . The wind was GUSTING so hard . I took the oar apart into two pieces and started waving them over my head hoping someone would see them but two more boats went past us and one guy even waved as he drove by . WTH ? ! Then we saw a boat that looked like it was headed for us but it did a big loop first so we weren 't totally sure . Turns out he had seen Snackers 's paddle and our cooler floating on the water and he was picking them up - then he saw us on the rock . He couldn 't get us where we were at though because the wake was crashing against the rocks too hard so he told us that we needed to go around to the other side . We put our vests back on and started to go up and over this rock but I was having such a hard time because my legs were so numb . I fell into a cactus but it didn 't hurt and I knew then that I was in serious trouble . . . not only that but I wasn 't shivering anymore which is a very bad sign . I looked at the water and thought ' I can swim better than I can hike these rocks right now ' so I jumped back in and started swimming around the rock to the boat while Snackers continued his up - and - over . The guy on the boat started putting on flippers and I could tell he was thinking he was going to have to jump in and get me but the water felt good and I was cruising ( so deceptive , hypothermia ) . When I got into the boat I saw our cooler and was like " Dude , no way ! " . Turns out our knights in shining armor were the Lake Mead Technical Dive Team so once we were in the boat one of the guys put his flippers and mask on and was able to swim out and retrieve our yak , jackets , and gear . Funny enough - I had taken our dry box off of the yak and kept it with me when I swam to get into the boat because it had our car keys on it and , at that point , I was prepared to completely abandon both yaks but I wanted my damn car keys ! lol One thing that I remember thinking is that I thought we were being rescued by the Lake Mead park service so I kept wondering why they weren 't giving us any first aid . We were EXTREMELY hypothermic and it was like " get in the boat and sit down " and that was it . I realized later it 's because they were just a random passing group of divers . They weren 't trained or equipped for rescuing idiot novice kayakers stranded on jagged rocks in freezing cold water . They did , however , save all of our gear . All of it . They found Snackers ' yak on the opposite side of the lake in a place they called Wreck Row ( presumably the name alone should speak to how they knew where to find the yak ) . Once we had both yaks in the boat they took us right back to where we parked our car . Other members of there team were there waiting and helped us off the boat and unload the yaks . One of them was female and I grabbed her and hugged her and wouldn 't let go . I 'm sure she was like " ok lady you 're freezing and soaking wet and I 'm dry , get off me " but I was just so grateful . Snackers and I both had individual moments in all of that where we really truly thought we were going to die . When I was in my yak and hearing him scream I thought he was going to drown right in front of me and there wasn 't going to be a damn thing that I could do to help him . When he was rowing and he heard me coughing and sputtering he thought I was going to drown and he wasn 't going to get me to safety in time . It was horrifying . We finally started to shiver while in the rescue boat , YAY ! , and it was VIOLENT ! ! ! ! My whole body was jumping and I finally started to clench my jaw to keep my teeth from clacking together but I thought they were going to break . We got to the marina and just left the yaks on the dock . I always pack a dry bag with spare clothes when we go yaking so we changed into those immediately and then climbed into the car with the heater blasting to get warm . Our rescuers were just gone in a flash . They unloaded us and our boats and then POOF . Probably because they wanted to get out of there before the weather got much worse too and they were parked at a completely different bay so I got the impression that they were in a hurry to unload us and get moving . They did offer to help us load the yaks on the car but we just wanted to get in the car and sit for a minute so we told them to go ahead and go . Once I could feel all of the bruises and cuts on my feet we got out and loaded all the gear in / on the car then got back in and booked it home , thankful to be alive . We both broke down on the way home - me more of course as it sunk in what we had just been through . It was surreal that one moment we could think we were going to die and the next minute we were in our car headed home . I 'd mentioned to our rescuers that I 'd called 911 so they 'd called the lake service and let them know they 'd picked us up and we were safe so we never saw a single ranger . We probably should have had professional medical attention but there was nothing . We 'd both eaten 6 " breakfast sandwiches from Subway before we went yaking at around 8 : 30 a . m . We probably burned several thousand calories from yaking , swimming , treading water , and then shivering ( shivering takes a LOT of calories , believe it or not ) and we didn 't eat anything else until we finally made some ramen noodles at around 6 p . m . And even then neither of us were hungry but I knew we needed something to hot to help us warm up from the inside so I made us both drink a 1 / 4 tsp of cayenne pepper in warm chicken broth , some MSM to prevent giardia from swallowing / inhaling so much lake water , and then the hot noodles . We were both coughing up lake water and had it coming out of our noses all night and we 're both hoarse this morning from screaming for help . I 'm worried about pneumonia because we both inhaled so much water but my legs are a normal color again ( where they 're not bruised that is ) and we 're both doing ok this morning . We both look like hell though . We have cuts and bruises all over our hands , legs , feet , arms , and even some on our faces . We look like we 've been in a mild car accident but we 're alive . Still alive and kicking . Working on the new book today and don 't have anything specific to report so I thought I 'd post a snippet from the book that I published last year just for shits and giggles . This is the prolog from Dhampiri . I remember the darkness and the cold more than anything else . I remember them because I have never seen darkness nor felt cold again since that night . It was the thick , heavy kind of darkness that forces your mind to invent phantasm shapes and movements for the sheer purpose of stimulating your starving eyes as you stare into it . It was the subtle , cunning kind of cold that will never make you shiver but will soak in to your bones like water in a sponge and torment you until you find some glorious way to drive it out . The only thing I didn 't expect to find in the cold darkness was the sound of it all . Did you know that cold has a sound ? I am not referring to the sound of things becoming cold , such as the crackle of ice crystals forming , the howl of a cold wind or the rattle of shivering bodies ; I am talking about a sound you 've probably never heard before , not unless you 're damned like me . Now the truly discomforting part is how comfortable I felt there in the dark and cold , like my body and my subconscious knew that whatever was waiting for me on the other side of the night was far , far worse . I suppose in some ways it has its benefits … if you 're willing to part with your sense of good , honest , Christian faith . I wondered , often in those days , why God , in all his infinite wisdom , never warned his children about beings like me . Oh sure He talked about demons and minions of hell , the seven headed beast of the book of Revelations and the four horsemen of the apocalypse . But nowhere , in The Good Book , will you find a single instance of the word given to my kind … Vampire . Posted by I mentioned awhile back that , despite the fact that I haven 't been getting along with my scale lately , I still felt like I was making progress on how I looked . . . somehow . As I was brushing my hair in front of the mirror this morning I looked at my budding hour - glass and thought again . . . I think I 'm looking thinner . But that can 't be if the scale doesn 't say it right ? So I had Snackers take some pictures . I went with three different poses because I wanted to see if the weight is just moving from one area to the other making me look thinner , perhaps , from the front but larger from the side or something . You be the judge . I 've been on Depo Provera for the last 10 years . That 's a hormone - based birth control shot that is injected once every 3 months . The only side - effects of Depo that I was informed of when I first started getting it were that it would mean no monthly cycles and could cause weight gain . Little did I know at that time , Depo is pure progesterone , which is a hormone naturally produced by the body but Depo increases that hormone 's levels in the body which , with prolonged use , can lead to other side - effects such as moodiness , trouble sleeping , night sweats , hot flashes , hair loss or thinning , hair growth in other places where women don 't want hair like the face , etc . Basically , increasing progesterone for a long period of time can make the body think it 's going through menopause . Hum , interesting ! So early last year when I talked to my OB - GYN about all of my odd symptoms and she announced that I was menopausal - it could have just been the Depo . July of last year the OB changed at my local Planned Parenthood and the new one said " Well you 've been on depo for 10 years . You 're probably not really menopausal , you 're just too high in progesterone and too low in estrogen . " So she put me on an estrogen supplement and said " Most women LOSE weight on estrogen . " YAY right ? Except that we all know July of last year is about the time that I started to have a really hard time losing weight . I started craving food constantly and , most of the time , not even knowing what I was craving so I would stand in front of the fridge or pantry for several minutes at a time staring blankly . In November I mentioned this to , yet another new OB at the PP and she said " Well yeah estrogen can do that . Just like pregnant women who crave strange foods and eat a lot . Estrogen can make your body think you 're pregnant and , therefore , you feel the need to gain weight to support the fetus . " Can we please get some cohesion here people ? ! So the Newest OB suggested that instead of another Depo shot this month , I should get an IUD which lasts for 12 years and has zero hormones of any kind . Last night was the big night . No depo , no progesterone , no estrogen . Back to having monthly 's and , hopefully , feeling more like myself again . I 'm not sure if being off hormones of all kinds will effect my ability to lose weight or make me less likely to be a peeping - tom in the pantry but I 'm hoping . However . . . THEY NEVER MENTIONED THAT IT WAS GOING TO FEEL LIKE HAVING A FREAKIN ' ROOT CANAL IN PLACES THAT I CAN ' T MENTION HERE ! Holy crap on toast Tinkerbell ! ! ! ! They told me to take 800 mg of Ibuprofin when I made the appointment and I said " So this is gonna hurt huh ? " and the reply was " You 'll have some moderate cramping for a few days afterward . " Well that 's fine - thinks I - I can handle moderate cramping . MODERATE MY ASS ! First of all , I 've never had kids . So the location where they put this IUD is something I didn 't even know I could feel until the doc said " You 're going to feel a slight pinch " and the next thing I knew I was clinging to the ceiling by fingers and toenails like a cat at a coyote convention ! Then she says " Ok that was the instrument going in , are you going to be able to handle that again while I put the device in ? " I 'm sorry . . . effing what ? ! We 're not done ? ! Can you like . . . give me some chloroform or just hit me on the head with a clip board or something to knock me out please ? ! And THEN the doc says " Well yeah you 've never had kids so that 's why it hurts so much " . Oh . . . ok THANKS FOR THE INFO YOU SADISTIC SPAWN OF SATAN ! And then . . . get this . They get done and say " Ok just have a seat out in the waiting room and we 'll call you when we 're ready for you to pay the bill " . YOU WANT ME TO SIT DOWN ? ! ARE YOU INSANE ? ! The pain was so bad that it actually made me throw up , twice . They left me sitting in the waiting room for another 20 minutes just waiting to pay the bill so I could go home . Now here is the shocking part ! 800 mg of Ibuprofin is about as helpful as a one legged man in a three legged race . And once you take that 800 you can 't take more for another 6 hours which , for me , would have been midnight and I had NO intention of staying awake long enough to wait for that . BUT some of you may remember my old friend for muscle cramps and charlie horses - tonic water with quinine . No shit - it worked . First I tried a heating pad , it did nothing . Next I tried a hot bath - no good . I tried laying on my back , stomach , side , with a pillow under my knees , and even with my legs hanging off the edge of the bed . Nope nope nope . Two mouth fulls of tonic and I was asleep in less than 20 minutes . Now I did wake up about 15 times in the middle of the night to go potty and I had to take some midol and more tonic this morning . I planned on hiking in Red Rock or kayaking or both this weekend but they told me last night that these cramps can continue for up - to a week because my body is trying to fight the IUD which it considers a foreign object . Oh nice . Lovely . We 'll see what happens . Right now I 'm thinking I 'd rather have another wisdom tooth pulled without anesthetic than go through another IUD insertion . That 's just not right . To all of the mothers in the world - I salute you . I knew childbirth was painful but if a little 1 / 2 gram spring loaded copper thing - a - ma - jig going in hurts that bad , I don 't even want to know what it feels like to have a 10 lb baby coming out . Good heavens ! So here I begin 2012 at 225 . 5 lbs and I 've learned a few things while writing this post . First - I didn 't take nearly enough pictures in December . Second , as much as I 've beat myself up over the last few months , all - in - all I had a relatively productive and successful year . So I didn 't lose us much weight as I thought I would when the year started out - but reviewing what I DID accomplish has reminded me that 60 lbs is a success ! Not a failure ! Maybe I set my goals a little too high and then when I realized I wasn 't going to reach the bar I started to get overly discouraged and adopted a defeatist mentality . I 've overcome a lot of obstacles this year - from the stress of buying my first house and going back to college to the medical issues that I 've been struggling with . But those things are only going to stand in my way for as long as I allow them to . Ultimately , my success ( or lack thereof ) rides entirely on my shoulders and what I think I 'm capable of . This time last year I thought I could do anything if I put my mind to it and somewhere along the way I stopped having that kind of essential faith in myself . THAT , above all else , was my greatest challenge but I can still overcome it . If I can lose 36 lbs in 2011 there isn 't any reason that I can 't lose 60 in 2012 ! I just have to want it bad enough and be willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it . |
Thanks for visiting my blog . It 's rather flattering to have someone read your minds meanderings . I hope it 's entertaining and sometimes educational . Sunday , January 30 , 2011 All the exhausting work was worth it . We pinpointed why Dare was so bad in Fla and Ga . He isn 't used to anyone being in the arena and it freaked him out . He doesn 't like someone holding sheep for him so guess what he is going to get lots of ? We set up a duck ring or the last go round and he did a perfect outrun and stopped beautifully on the lift and then I didnt let him have the ducks and called him back . The next time he couldn 't even do the outrun because it had just dawned on him that there were people at that end and it was toooooo scary . He completely shut down . He might as well have had his eyes closed on his outrun , he was that far out of it . He did that in Fla too when Amy was holding sheep for him . Posted by Had some great aha moments . Dare needs to do outruns more with someone else holding the sheep or standing in the field . Jan kinda freaked him out and another person didn 't make him much happier . Worked a good exercise that I had forgotten about . Flanking him around the livestock and making him stay at a certain distance and then stopping him and asking him to walk up and flanking there or asking him to out and flanking 20 or 30 or 50 ft out and staying at the circumference . Also walking straight up on the livestock and catching the fading quicker . Teaching him to hold and not let him flank . All really good work today . Dually was fading today and not taking his walkups so will work on that . Also not letting him overrun the ducks and to pace himself better . He was a good boy . Why is it the cold exhausts me so much ? I can barely see straight tonight . I got up at 6 to make breakfast for Jan and feed the animals and make sure they were ready to take over to the arena . Nat called to say she was on her way , but I needed to get over there and set up so I left Kathy and my camper guest to help Nat load sheep . I took Jan , the dogs and the ducks . We still had to set up pens for the livestock and create a divider across the arena to work in . Bob H was there to park the cars and help me along with Cindy , Laura , etc . We set up the enclosed stall to heat and of course had trouble with the heater which turned out was the electrical plug not the heater which has of course another story about returning heaters that really aren 't broken . Then the we kept tripping the breaker in the tack room where the coffee pot was and 2 crockpots and another heater . Got that straightened out sort of and on to the next issue . Can 't remember what that was . In between dogs , the owner had to take horses out thru the middle of the arena and feed and water them in the middle of the day . Not too much of a big deal . Lunch was good . Everybody brought something and the food was good and plenty of it . Thanks . Hopefully enough left for the rest of the weekend . ( we 'll be fine ) . The dogs all did well I thought and we started a couple of new ones . One dynamite sheltie and an 8 wk old pup on ducks . The ducks held up well except for one bite and I am not sure if Dually did it or the dog before him . The duck will live . . oK It 's official . Jan Wesen is breeding Tempie to Mr Man ( Dare 's sire ) . It wont ' be until next winter . I 'm first on the list after Jan , but she wants a bitch and I probably want another dog . So . . . will I have 5 dogs or not when this pup is born ? I hope so . We can 't seem to get away from the snow this winter . We has 4 - 5in this morning and another 6 coming tomorrow . I baked and angel food cake from scratch for my sister 's birthday today and we were supposed to get together tonight , but she isn 't feeling well so it got canceled . I may have a great deal of cake to eat . . The first winter Jan Wesen clinic starts on Friday and I am tying up loose ends today . I called to get the porta potti delivered tomorrow before the storm . I emailed my insurance company to get the address of the arena on the liability policy . I pulled the cooler out of the cellar and cleaned it . Soda was on sale at the grocery store so I picked up 4 12 packs . yay . . . . Gotta go check plates and utensils and get the coffee pot out . Hmmm what else . Heater for the viewing area and plastic to enclose it . Kathy and I are going to the arena tomorrow to set up and see what we will need for the livestock when we bring it up . I 'm just about out of grain so I need to go buy some tomorrow along with propane for the camper . One of the clinic participants is going to stay in the camper . I 'd like her to not freeze to death . The dogs are bored . The snow is too deep to walk in for me . They can hop but I hate to struggle thru it so I haven 't been going out with them . It 's really funny to me how the dogs act when I get home from somewhere else . Dare is usually really grouchy . Growling at the other dogs much more than normal and then the next day he is fine . I guess it 's just Dare that gets weird . It 's almost as if they have to reestablish pack hierarchy . He only does it when we travel and come home even if all the dogs go . Dually jumped on the hassock this afternoon to get petted and when he did that , Dare started to come over and Dually went kinda ballistic for him . Lots of deep meaningful growls and I know they meant something because Dare started to come for him . I hate that stuff . Dare is usually fine but he does think he owns me and although any dog can come up to me , he is right behind them usually . 4 : 30 am they started on the blocks of poison in the crawl space . gnaw , gnaw gnaw scrabble scratch yech . They could go to the mouse trap but nooo , they wanted me awake . I tried earplugs but I could hear them right thru them . So an hour later I moved down to the couch where I could not hear them . Fell asleep but Mikey decided he wanted to eat and at age 13 he is kinda demanding . He kept going in and out of the kitchen as I tried to ignore him . He would not be ignored . He decided to tip over the trash and then I had to get up . Okay 6 in of snow and still falling . I got dressed and went out to feed . The sheep are so happy with their hay they are almost never hungry anymore . They came in and ate , but I almost feel they are doing me a favor . I shoveled the back porch , out to the barn , in front of the barn , in back of the barn , to the camper , to the duck pen , to the driveway and the front walk and stairs . When I was done , it looked like I hadn 't done anything because the snow is still coming down . I will have to do it again today before I leave AS I was coming in from shoveling off the hay bales , I smelled something burning by the tank heater . It looks like it was melting an adaptor that I had the heater connected to the cord with . I removed the adaptor and then the cord ending looked funny so I replaced the whole thing with another cord . Everything is an ordeal because the cord that I needed to use was under the snow and half in the barn and half out . I dug it out and pulled it out of the barn thru a door that doesn 't open ( frozen shut ) and then I decided not to use it anyway and used two other shorter cords which of course was all tangled up . Everything is all untangled and hung up now and hopefully the tank heater is now safe . I got to the barn early today , because I thought my first lesson was at 12 , but it was 1pm so it gave me time to work Dare . For the first 30 minutes he was a kamakazi pilot . I kept my cool and just kept sending him to fetch the ducks to me . He would overflank and then his lift was pushy so they split a lot . Finally he settled down ( got tired ? ) and he stopped overflanking and stopped pushing . It was poetry in motion if only he could do that all the time , but I am going to try and not be so reactive when he does stupid stuff because I know that increases his anxiety and he gets nutty . He has all the talent and he has most of the training but we need to come together as a team and that hasn 't happened yet . I 'm glad I have someplace to work this year , because I am planning another road trip in April to Alabama and then to Indiana . Whoo whooo here we go again . . There is another freaking snowstorm predicted and it looks fairly heavy . I have to go to Maine tomorrow and I would normally leave in the am but it looks like it will be heaviest then so I will go in the afternoon and get there late . I 'm not keen about driving in the snow but it should be light by the time I leave . What 's up with this weather ? We had another 6in last night . It 's 20 deg out and I don 't want to do anything . I slept in until 9 : 30 and I 'm sure that means I wont ' be able to sleep tonight . I have been searching the internet for ASCA trials in the next few months . Most clubs have not yet published their 2011 calendars so it 's a little hard to find trials . There is one in April in Alabama and I 'm hoping there will be one the following weekend in Indiana . That 's a long way to go but they are am / pm trials and both have cattle , sheep and ducks so I could potentially rack up a few Finals points . If I am going to Wisconsin anyway , I might as well be in Finals . I also have a possible travel mate which would be lots of fun going to Ala and Ind . Ok not really about puppies , but the possibility of puppies . I just heard about 2 possible potential breedings that would get me interested in a new pup . It 's always a big secret so I can say no more . Posted by I lugged 2 crates of ducks and some fencing up to the arena this afternoon for 2 lessons . The fencing didn 't want to stay up and the ducks got out of it a couple of times , but all in all it went pretty well . I worked Dare and Dually afterwards and they were awesome ! Where was that dog when I was trialing in Fla ? He was out wide and his lifts were nice . He took all his flanks and most of this stops . He was calm and collected . He was not the same dog . Dually was superb . He did beautiful outruns and his lifts are picture perfect . He was taking flanks which I didn 't think he knew and he did some nice driving too . What a nice dog . Thanks Jeri and Jan . I haven 't yet been outside . It 's nice and toasty in here . Although the pellet stove is having a little trouble keeping up . I could adjust it , but I have been having a little trouble with the heat adjuster and I don 't want to fool with it . Sometimes it gets stuck and the only way to fix it , is to turn it off which is a pain in the butt . It will warm up later and if it doesn 't I can always turn the thermostat up , just have trouble turning it down again . I will be in the market for a new pellet stove this year I think . I have replaced almost everything on this one and last year I replaced the computer board and that is what is causing the problem this year . It is 14 years old . It had a good run . Even at - 10 deg . I have to bribe Mikey to get him to come back inside every day . He sits or stands outside and barks at the door , but when I open it , he runs away . ( as much as Mikey can run ) . I think it has something to do with the other dogs , but I am not entirely sure . It 's 9am and it 's all the way up to - 8 yay Well with almost 2 ft of snow there is not much work to be done outside so we went into the barn . I brought up 2 ducks and I think Mikey nailed one as I was walking to the barn with them in my hands . Either that or Dually did when he went in to work . There was quite a bit of blood , but as Dad used to say , " It 's a long way from their heart " . So Kathy 's pup Tru worked first . She was quite interested , but wanted to hold more than move them . But she showed sustained interest and can 't wait to see what she does the next time on ducks . Then I worked Dually . The first thing he did was to dive in and jump them . He got soundly smacked over the head for that and then he was fine . We worked on flanks with no body language and I did a little correcting on his down . He likes to take a few steps and I don 't like that . It immediately got better . He is very sensible . Kathy worked Ben next . I had her work him also on flanking with no body language . And his stop is slipping and she is going to have to get after him . She also worked his walk up which interestingly enough was better when he was on Kathy 's left side as opposed to her right . He would whine and carryon if she asked him to walk up on her right . Dare got his WTCH in July 2010 and my friend Laura made my special WTCH doll which is a tradition in New England . They are not normally handmade but it was for me . It was needle felted with Dare 's colors and the witch is carrying a blue hose and riding a green rake ( training tools ) . It 's very detailed and I think she said it took her about 45 hrs to make . I 'm very honored ! It snowed about 23in here yesterday . The dogs loved it of course , but Dually must have bumped into Dare on the narrow path and Dare put him in his place . No blood but lots of growling and it sounded like they were killing each other . They ran out to the new pasture but the snow was so deep , Mikey turned back . Dually ran ( bounced ) all the way to the top but nobody followed him so he came back down . Too deep for me to walk much in . I shoveled to the barn , to the duck pens , the front walk at least twice yesteday . I even pushed snow off the hay bales so it wouldn 't freeze and make it impossible to move tarps later . I only went halfway because there is so much hay , I think it will be spring before I get to the other end . At least I won 't run out of hay this year . The ewes do not look like they are ready to lamb , - - not even close yet . It makes me wonder now who actually bred them . They should have been bred in Aug by Sparks but maybe he couldn 't do the job . I want to lamb in January so I can have them weaned for the 1st clinic in Apr / May . Nothing I can do about it now . I went over to My sisters to let her Weim out and he had a mini seizure or something . He started to walk funny and then he went down and couldn 't move but it only lasted a few seconds and then he got up and was fine within 30 secs . He did something similar in Dec but it lasted much longer . He 's old too . I came home and took dogs out . I wasn 't going to work anybody but I did . Dare made me mad , he wouldn 't take his flanks . When the snow is this deep , the dogs tend to want to stay in the paths which is not conducive always to good livestock movement . Dually did much better than Dare . I sent him to get around and bring them . Generally he waits until I move up with him , but I made him go without me . The first time was right up the middle , the2nd was straight at them and then around , 3rd was around and then I quit . Dually gets in the middle and his face actually says uh oh while Dare just doesn 't give a flying you know what . Posted by I went to bed at 8 : 30 last night . I was tired . I woke up at 1pm and then Dare woke me up at 3 to go out . I tried to go back to sleep until 4 : 30but I don 't think I did . Anyway at o dark thirty I was up and ready to roll . I emptied all the water except in the water heater out of the trailer , drained the grey and black water tanks and let the dogs out to pee and got on the road . There is not much traffic in DC at 5am . We cruised thru DC and Baltimore and even the NJ turnpike and then the damn GPS took over again and even though I was headed to the Tappan Zee it turned me around and sent me thru the middle of Newark and back to the Friggin GW bridge . I was so pissed at it . At least it wasnt ' too backed up this time . I got home at 1 : 30 and Tim came over and helped me back it up the driveway and unhook and winterize the whole thing . All done and ready for the storm tonight . Tim is the guy who plows my driveway and is my landscaper too . He lives close by and is a real gem . He also noticed that the vent in the roof was askew and I would have had snow in the camper big time . He got on the roof and put it back in place . What a relief , I thought I as going to have to take it to the dealers this afternoon and frankly I 'm just too pooped to pop . All in all the trip was fun , a great learning experience and I will have to think twice about going to Fla in Jan next year . Maybe winter camping is not for me . I 'm so happy to be warm and I am going to go take a long , truly hot shower and go to bed very early in my own lovely bed . I got right on the road at 4pm ish and I drove until 11pm . I stopped for the night in Fayetteville at a rest stop on 95 where they say no overnight parking . Hmmm . . I was the only trailer there but there were a lot of truckers on the other side . I turned the heat on and walked the dogs . When I came in , the heat shut off . It wasn 't up to temp yet so I was going WTF . I turned it higher and it came on and then went off again . It was a little confusing because the battery was working - - water pump was fine . hot water heater was on too and frig so I figured gas must be okay . But I went outside and switched tanks anyway and that did the trick , the heat came back on . I actually took a hot shower before I went to bed . I had a bit of trouble getting to sleep probably because the dogs didn 't think it was a good place to be staying . I should have listened . I finally fell asleep and at 2 am somebody was pounding on my door . I thought maybe cops since it clearly stated no overnight camping , but I said who is it and it was some woman begging for money for gas . I turned her down without opening the door and within 2min the cops were there checking her out . I didn 't call them but someone must have . Maybe she was hitting up the sleepy truckers too . Needless to say , it took a while before I could sleep again . I woke up at 7am and soon after the battery died and I had to get a move on or freeze to death . It snowed there last night and the road were not very good . In 45min I was out of the snow and clear sailing . I drove to DC and here I am in a very nice $ $ $ campground , but they did have a place for the dogs to run so they are happy . I have the gas heat and the electric heater on and I wont ' be cold tonight ! It was suggested that to avoid the traffic I leave at 5am or 10am . I have to winterize the trailer so I think I will leave at 10am . 5am might put me on the NJ turnpike with all the morning commuters . Hopefully this will work out . I am looking forward to a long hot shower in the bathhouse tonight It 's 34 deg out there this morning . I didn 't bring my down jacket . I have 3 layers of long underwear , a turtleneck , sweatshirt and jacket . Not enough . . . I 'm going to add a fleece shirt and change my jacket and hope that helps . I am also going to put on my rainpants . I cant ' find the heat packs that I thought I packed . We just ran sheep and he crossed over on the outrun and I had to call him back and resend him . We made the cone nicely and he daylighted again thru the Y chute . Back thru and a little trouble with the z but we made the pen nicely . He got them out of the pen really well and controlled and we sent them to 4 . I flanked him on an away and of course I couldn 't stop him so we Practically brought them back to me but after that he would stop and we got them thru the crossdrive and they went to the repen so I was able to have him push them back to 5 . I walked over to the repen and I had a really hard time getting him to stay there and watch those sheep which were by the Y chute . He wanted to go in the repen and work the sheep " behind the curtain " . . Finally got them to the repen . . That was today 's goal . When they handed out ribbons they told me I Q 'd with a 73 . I was quite excited but the secretary made a mistake and we didn 't . I gave the ribbon back . Oh well . Now It is 10 : 15sam and I am back at the trailer and packing it up . I have decided to travel a while tonight at least thru Ga since there is a storm coming . I really don 't want to be stuck here in nowheresville . I waited all day for my stupid duck run . I must be nuts . We got an 82 . BUT he was totally out of it . way off contact and not working stock just flanking . It felt really weird . He must have been tired . I wish I had something really positive to write but . . . It just wasn 't that great . We had our sheep run about 10am this morning and ran ducks at 4 : 30 . The campground is within spitting distance and tomorrow I will come back and rest . The sheep were like F ' g deer ! ! ! Dare did do an outrun and we didnt make the cone but went straight to daylighting the Y chute . I turned them around and they went back thru and I decided to go onto the Zchute where they got stuck . We pushed them out but they wanted to come to me and I gave up on the corner and went to the pen . They zipped around the pen and Dare ran one down and turned it and she called the run on me . Gosh I just dont ' get it . Only 4 out of 11 in that class Q 'd I think . 8 entries on ducks . I was going to send him away to me because that is his better side even though it was a go bye course and then when I went to set up he told me he wanted to go bye so I let him . He did a tight outrun , but he did down at the lift and they lifted hard and fast . We did bobble around the cone and the entrance to the Y but the z was good and pretty much right into the pen . HOWEVER , He wouldnt ' let them out of the pen and I had to really get down and use hands and body pressure to push them out and then he put them back in and getting them out the 2nd time was even worse . Finally they got out and they boogied down to 4 and since he dives in on close flanks I decided to send him go bye and that pushed them back to me but I got him to continue the flank and he caught them before they went past the plane of the crossdrive . We got them thru the crossdrive panels to 5 and then he held them in the corner and we repenned . The repen wasn 't perfect because he came in too close on the fence and I probably didn 't have the damn gate open wide enough . We got them in but not completely straight . Anyway we ended up with and 83 and ta da 5th place . I didnt ' enter on the cattle and I wish I had . I think he would have done well . It 's a nice site with nice shade not that we needed shade . It was windy and cold all day and I am really glad to be back in my nice warm trailer . I have been told that there is a rainstorm coming thru tomorrow night into Monday and it was suggested that maybe I won 't want to travel in it especially thru NCarolina which can turn to ice . I 'm going to be checking the weather . If I stay another night , I don 't think it will be here - - This is out in the middle of nowheresville ! ! ! I got up a little early and had some fresh squeezed oj ( Thanks Amy 's Mom Leslie ) Gosh it was good . I can 't wait to break into my oranges , but I am not looking forward to squeezing them . But boy do I love it fresh . Amy went into work late today so we could work dogs before I left . We worked in a new field to see what Dare would do . He was a bit weird . Amy was holding the sheep for us and he went half way out and then cut across and went to sniffing . Hmmm . I sent him again and he did this beautiful wide to the fence outrun and went way out in back for the lift . Hmmm not normal either . Third time he crossed over again and 4 th time he was just about perfect and his lift was fab . We did just a bit of driving and then quit . I have no idea what I am going to get tomorrow . I don 't care , just love my dogs . Dually worked the front sheep too and he did very nicely . He only dove in on them once and again he was telling me the whole time he was going to do it so I should have picked up his line but duh I didn 't . When will I learn ? So we hooked up the trailer and I drove it to Amy 's workplace where we filled the tires in the trailer with air , They were at 30lbs and should have b een at 50lbs . On the road by 11 : 30 and at the campground by 3 : 30 . I like short driving days . After driving into this campground which is kinda dumpy , I never expected to have wifi but Yay I do and a hot shower available too . What more could a girl want . Oh maybe a decent place to let the dogs run . there isn 't anyplace to let them off leash . Too close to the highway . Weather says it 's going to be 30 tonight . Maybe I should try camping in warm weather ? I goofed off this morning and did a little sightseeing . I went back to Lowes ( we went last night ) and returned the thing I got to open the hot water heater and drain it . I bought a whole ratchet set tonight . Hopefully one of them will fit . But I need to pick up another gal of antifreeze on my way home . I am almost out of dog food too and we tried to find some tonight but none available . So we went to dinner and then we played a neat and fast moving group solitaire game . I lost but it was still fun . Amy and her Mom beat the pants off me . I got some good pics of the dogs today . I will post some soon . We are going to work the dogs in the morning one more time before I leave tomorrow . I plan to leave around noonish . Dare worked today but we worked him in the smaller area and he was doing some thinking , but we shall see if any of it will carry over to the trial . No camping on the trial site so I guess I will be at a campground for the weekend . I hope they have wifi . Posted by I worked Dare this am . He was a jerk . He is getting worse and worse about his down and staying off the stock . So I put the pinch , a long line , and we went into the small pen . We worked downs and square flanks and outs . He did get better . I think I worked him about an hr . I think I will do that again this afternoon and see if it holds up in the big field tomorrow . I also did a couple of sheds because the sheep and the goats split so naturally . Posted by I worked both dogs this am . Dually got worked on a pinch and a long line . He kept running into the end of the line , but by the time I worked him tonight he didn 't think that was such a good idea anymore . He did a couple of drop dean georgous outruns . He kept getting wider and wider on his own . I like it a lot ! ! Dare was stupid this am but this afternoon he was a good boy . I got a wicked good outrun on him but not from my side . . . I had to walk a bit towards the sheep , but still I was happy with it . Tomorrow we are going to fool around a bit with whistles and maybe I will do some shedding . It 's so easy to set up because the sheep and the goats separate naturally . I took a trip into town today too and went to a used book store and picked up a couple of books . I didn 't bring any with me , and I have had a little time to read in the past couple of days . I have books on tape for the ride home . Apparently after blowing the breaker yesterday , I also blew a fuse which of course I cannot see . I may have spare fuses under the trailer , I will check soon . So 2 outlets don 't work and the microwave doesn 't work . I was able to let the dogs right out the door this am because the whole yard is completely fenced . And then I brought them into the back pasture to run . It 's a nice big area , maybe 100 by 200 . It 's also where the sheep and goats are , but my dogs are used to running where the livestock live and it 's not a problem . I brought one bag of dog food with me but it looks like I will run out in a couple of days . I have some errands to do anyway so I will see if I can find a place to buy it this am . I am going to work both dogs before I go out into the town of Eustis today . I 'll let you know how that turns out . Monday - I made the mistake of using the microwave and the electric heater at the same time this morning and I tripped the breaker which wouldn 't be so bad , if I knew where the breakers were . I do now ! After I got on the road , I looked for an RV place to stop at and they showed me where the electrical panel was and that a breaker was tripped . He also told me that I should have the tires filled to 50lbs of air . I happen to know that they are only at 30 uh oh - and that is probably not good for gas mileage . I got to Amy Hills at 3pm and we set up the trailer and then worked dogs . She worked Abbey , a nice little bitch on driving and I worked Dare on his terrible cutting in on the outrun problem . Amy has a few sheep , maybe 7 and a bunch of goats . I worked Dare and Dually on the whole bunch . Dare went to do his normal cutting in outrun but because they didn 't run , he ended up in the middle of them and he knew I wasn 't happy with that . The next outrun was better and more thoughtful and he got behind most of them . 5 or so didn 't want to move and they stopped and waited for him to make them . He patiently stood there until they moved and he brought them to the rest . Dually fetched them nicely but when we tried to drive , he kept diving off the pressure and around them . Tomorrow he goes on line and hopefully I won 't hurt him like I did the last time . No internet out here in the trailer , but I do have electicity ! I stopped at Cecil Bay campground . There are less than 10 RV 's here . It 's right on the highway , but I don 't care about the noise , I have earplugs . The man and woman who run it are very nice , They even let me run the dogs sans leashes and when I went to do laundry I didnt ' know you had to bring your own soap so they gave me some . Thank goodness , because the clothes were getting low . Gotta love the red Georgia clay too . Now I have wifi here and cable tv but apparently you need to bring your own cable . I wonder if I have one socked away someplace . And yes Kathy , I do have a flat screen something , just not sure it 's a tv or how it might work . I slept in till 7 today which by the way is still o pitch dark . I think the trial started on time . The judge today was Kathy Walker . She was very nice on ducks , sheep was another story . So Dare did an decent outrun lift and the fetch was off line , I had trouble getting them around the cone because I had one duck that wanted to be by himself and let and went back to the repen area . I had to leave the ducks up the other end and go back and get him and he proved to be a problem later too . And then when I should have skimmed the Y chute , I daylighted and put them thru it . I think I was still working on the cone and realized too late that I was on the Y chute . I got them thru the z with independent duck trying to backtrack the whole way and finally I got 4 into the hold pen and mr I was still trying to back track so while Dare was working the one , the other 4 kept coming out of the hold pen . Finally I get them all in and we Hold them . I take them out and they actually did a nice set up for the cross drive but then blew by it and I skimmed 5 and called it a day . I didn 't think we could Q but we did with another 3rd place and his ADV duck title . Sheep on the other hand . Since he went around behind me yesterday on the outrun , I decided to stand in front of him and send him . He tried it again , but I blocked him and he went but he started to go straight in so I tried to stop him and out him . It got him all confused and he started circling . Finally I got to redirect him and he was doing a beautiful wide outrun , but he didn 't get behind them and then he couldn 't get them to me and the judge called our run . She didn 't give us much of a chance , but we were the 3rd dog in a row that I couldn 't see a reason to call the run on . The 2 before me were much furthur along and it was a puzzle . To me and to them . So I waited till the end and I Thanked Doyle and Claire Ivey for their hospitality . Doyle invited me down again and said to come a few days early so we could work stock . He liked Dare . Thanks I will come back . I had a short day of driving on Friday . I still didn 't get here until 5pm but that worked out fine . They offered me electric and water and a Place right outside the arena to park . SWEET ! I tried and tried and tried and finally got the hot water bypasses open . So I should have hot water , but not much seems to be coming out of the tap . Sometimes nothing comes out in the kitchen sink . I must think about this . No hot shower for me tonight … . . ahhhh not good . I set the alarm for 6am . It 's still pitch dark at 6am . I was the only fool awake it seems . I was out walking dogs in the frickin dark . But at least I was prepared . The trial started around 8 : 30 with adv ducks . The ducks were not behaving v ery well . I had a plan , but alas , the ducks were not buying into it . We had a lousy lift and fetch , missed the cone , got all the Y chute , z chute and hold pen . Completely missed the crossdrive and still Q 'd with 72 and 3rd place . Thank you judge Barbara ! Sheep were a bit light which shouldn 't be a problem , and then I remember which dog I have entered . The outrun should have been a go bye and again he snuck behind be to go the opposite way . And then the little bugger cut it short and had a lousy lift and actually left one sheep behind which I had to make him go back and get . We made the cone and 2 thru the Y chute . 1 skimmed . We made the Z chute but they were trying to break back so Dare did what he does best - he held them . I finally got him to release enough to get them into the hold pen . We got them out and then he pushed them on top of me and was a holding maniac . They wanted to break really bad and he wouldn 't hold the pressure and just let them walk . He grabbed wool big time on one and we didn 't get excused so I sort let it go , but then he got into chase mode and I ran down the arena and downed him and excused us . Tomorrow is another day and I think a much tougher judge . The trial ended about 2pm and then it started to pour and it poured for hours . The dogs are wet , the trailer is wet , but I 'm hoping the bed is dry . I was invited to eat at the Roadhouse ( you would assume restaurant right ? ) No it was the renovated chicken house at the end of the road where we had a sumptuous homemade repast of ham , turkey , gravy , sweet potato casserole , green bean casserole , homemade cranberry chutney , hot biscuits and then for dessert , ice cream and brownies and chocolate sauce or a pecan pie which was to die for good . Claire Hamilton made the pie . MMMmmmmm good . I met and talked to lots of very nice people and had a very good time . Can I remember any names . No but I will check the catalog and write them down tomorrow maybe . Posted by I have a small hobby sheep farm with some sheep , goats and ducks and depending on the time of year , some calves . I teach herding to all breeds of dogs on all the livestock . I also have three dogs and they are Edge , Kip . Edge and Kip are the dogs that are currently in training . . They are both qualified for the ASCA Finals this year in Texas and after that I will start working towards their AKC and AHBA championship . Journey is only a year and is getting over some medical issues so I am not yet sure what kind of herding dog he will make . . I am also an AHBA judge . |
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