it's better for everyone to become pleasant, collaborative and respectful, then for everyone to become jerks. i'd rather live in the former world. "when in rome..." is a little too simplistic and immature in this scenario. it's almost like seeing injustice and deciding to come out on top oneself, rather than fighting for social change. "man up!" seems somewhat appropriate for everyone involved.<p>as a techie female, the change in culture that i've seen has been crucial and awesome. i've stayed away from rails in favor of the awesome python and django communities. i've had excellent mentors. i've taken my time to accrue skills and confidence, and i've come to terms with what ego-ism and arrogance i do encounter.<p>before i was pulled into my first startup i had so often turned away from the perceived negative environment of hackers and startups and mean people. i assumed i wasn't l33t enough. like hell! i'm not afraid to say i've had encouraging guidance along the way, nor that i'm a master of my limited domains.<p>very early on i saw that we were all of us somehwere on the same continuum trying to get better. our paths might diverge based on goals, but there is no point in static comparison.<p>i see hacker news as milestone in social tech news. reddit was unbearably self-centered and negative. coming to hacker news, where people wanted to be intelligent <i>and</i> amiable, share and listen, was what proved to me that the tech culture had truly changed. maybe it's the entrepreneur influence that makes people more cognizant of networking and bridges.<p>shirky might have some good advice, it's just taken to the extreme. there's no need to stoop to the lowest denominator. be authentic to yourself, but don't put yourself down. build yourself with the long term in mind. competence shows, confidence follows. anyone can be competent with enough man-hours.<p>everyone always says startups are a roller coaster of emotion, but after two startups and nearly 3 years, i have to disagree. sure, i'm as emotional as the next woman, and starting out did come with a lot of doubts and stress, but at this point very little phases me. but yeah, maybe my balanced view doesn't help someone who feels very emotional about work.