Worst technobabble you've ever heard
Following the <a href="http://stackoverflow.com/questions/175074/whats-the-most-egregious-pop-culture-perversion-of-programming">Egregious pop culture perversion of programming</a>, what is the most outlandishly insane technobabble you have ever heard, either in fiction or real life?

Extra points to those unfortunates whose real life stories beat Hollywood.

Note: feel free to sketch out what would be necessary for such gibberish to actually work.
Worst technobabble you've ever heard
===

Following the <a href="http://stackoverflow.com/questions/175074/whats-the-most-egregious-pop-culture-perversion-of-programming">Egregious pop culture perversion of programming</a>, what is the most outlandishly insane technobabble you have ever heard, either in fiction or real life?

Extra points to those unfortunates whose real life stories beat Hollywood.

Note: feel free to sketch out what would be necessary for such gibberish to actually work.