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What's a good joke that relates to customs officers? | I hate people who take drugs
Mainly customs officers | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6e6e0x/i_hate_people_who_take_drugs/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Would you happen to have a joke about feminist told that you could tell me? | Angry feminist told me that men are animals, men are pigs!
So I told her that women are equal to men. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/4fcrgc/angry_feminist_told_me_that_men_are_animals_men/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'd love to hear a witty joke related to prank. Do you have one? | You know what would be a hilarious prank?
Make people study for 18 years and dont give them a job. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/4w0kt8/you_know_what_would_be_a_hilarious_prank/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with nsfw difference? | [NSFW] What's the difference between this morning and my bosses daughter?
I'm not coming in this morning. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ad6b0w/nsfw_whats_the_difference_between_this_morning/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around vietnam vets? | How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW?
YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!! | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3hesyt/how_many_vietnam_vets_does_it_take_to_screw_in_a/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves labor pain. | r/funny told me to post it here. So, a married couple went to the hospital...
A married couple went to the hospital so that the woman could give birth to her child. Upon their arrival, the doctor told them that they invented a new machine where they could transfer some of the labor pain to the father. He asked them if they would like to try it and they agreed. So the doctor set the pain to be transferred to 10% and told the man that this would be the most painful thing he ever experienced. But when labor set in the man still felt absolutely fine and the doctor set the machine to 20%. The man still felt fine so the doctor set it to 50% whilst checking the vitals man. Still no problem for the man. So he asked the doctor if he could set it to 100% because he could see how comfortable his wife was getting. After 2 hours of labor, the woman gave birth to a healthy baby. Both were pretty astonished, thanked the doctor left. When they came home the milkman was lying dead on the porch. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/4jng6l/rfunny_told_me_to_post_it_here_so_a_married/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves zoo gorilla? | A gorilla dies of old age in a zoo
Being the only gorilla in the zoo, the zoo officials couldn't afford to lose the only attraction keeping their failing zoo business afloat.
So they immediately decided to hire one of the zookeepers for an extra $100/day to wear the gorilla costume they have in storage and pretend to be the gorilla until they can afford a new one.
For weeks, the zookeeper did lots of tricks in his gorilla suit to the astonishment of thousands of spectators watching the "human-like" gorilla.
About a month in, the popularity started to wane. So to get the attention of the crowd once again, he climbed over his enclosure and swung himself from the net ceiling over the lions den beside his enclosure. A large crowd gathered as they watched in terror and suspense. Suddenly, the zookeeper lost his grip and fell straight down on the floor of the lions den. He started crying for help when suddenly a lion pounced him from behind and whispered in his ear, "Shut the fuck up! You're gonna get us both fired." | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5r2mqg/a_gorilla_dies_of_old_age_in_a_zoo/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you know any jokes related to keyboards sleep? | Why do keyboards never sleep?
Because they have 2 Shifts... | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/c38taw/why_do_keyboards_never_sleep/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with seat blind? | I gave up my seat for a blind man on the bus today
That's how I lost my job as a bus driver | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5id4sa/i_gave_up_my_seat_for_a_blind_man_on_the_bus_today/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves son santa. | I took my son to see Santa Claus yesterday and he stank of booze and cigarettes.
God knows what Santa Claus thought of him. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7hofga/i_took_my_son_to_see_santa_claus_yesterday_and_he/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves asked marry? | 9 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams on a date. Today I asked her to marry me
She said no both times. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/4mvwxg/9_years_ago_i_asked_the_girl_of_my_dreams_on_a/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you share a joke that involves cardiologist mechanic? | Cardiologist and the Mechanic
A cardiologist's car breaks down and he goes to a mechanic to get it fixed. After everything is done, the mechanic asks the cardiologist,
"Here's what I don't understand. I fix engines, and so do you, albeit human ones, so why do you get paid ten times more than I do?"
The cardiologist then turns the ignition on and says, "try it with the engine running." | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6rc9yx/cardiologist_and_the_mechanic/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with socialism jokes? | Socialism jokes are only funny...
...if everybody gets them. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/4ypbdx/socialism_jokes_are_only_funny/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a funny joke that relates to erase boards? | I love dry erase boards.
They're remarkable. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/b0798r/i_love_dry_erase_boards/",
"nsfw": false
} |
How about a joke related to president looks? Do you have one? | It's interesting how different a US president looks at the end of their presidency. Obama had gray hair. Bush had a bunch of wrinkles..
At the end of JFKs presidency, half of his head was missing. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8fscji/its_interesting_how_different_a_us_president/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a funny joke that relates to pigment imagination? | Today I saw this absolutely stunning color that I've never seen before! It was indescribable, but when I blinked, it disappeared.
I guess it was just a pigment of my imagination. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6ffy4g/today_i_saw_this_absolutely_stunning_color_that/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around bulb ticket? | How many IT people does it take to change a light bulb?
Do you have a ticket for that? | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3s9o6w/how_many_it_people_does_it_take_to_change_a_light/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with bat gorilla? | Gorilla Removal
" A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks.
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot that dog!" | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7ijrt5/gorilla_removal/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that relates to dogs schrodinger that you could tell me? | A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat.
The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."
| SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5oypnl/a_man_goes_into_a_library_and_asks_for_a_book/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm curious if you have a joke up your sleeve that pertains to long headline? | Two American journalists are in London.
Two American journalists are in London attending a press convention. That evening they are in the bar chatting to fellow UK journalists when the subject of how headlines are written came up. The UK journo's commented that the Headlines in America are far too long. They need to be much shorter, and to the the point.
"Interesting", said the American journ'o, "can you give us an example?"
"Well", said the UK guy, "take this crime that happened yesterday, a mental patient escapes from the local funny farm, enters a laundry, rapes one of the washer women and runs off. What headline would you use?"
The two thought for a moment and said." Maniac sexually assaults laundry worker and escapes".
"See," Says the UK guy, "too long".
"what's your headline then?", said the American.
The UK guy smiles and said, "Nut screws washer and bolts".
​ | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/b44ksw/two_american_journalists_are_in_london/",
"nsfw": false
} |
How about a joke related to butter francs? Do you have one? | the old french lady
Heard a story once about an old French lady who'd run a small shop in her village for years, until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop. They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said "Butter - 10 francs".
In response, the lady added a sign to her own window, "Butter - 9 francs".
The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign, "Butter - 8 francs". Sure enough, the day after the lady's sign now read "7 francs".
This went on for a while, until eventually one of the lady's customers pointed to the sign and said, "Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete."
In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered, "Monsieur, I don't even sell butter." | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/4nds2z/the_old_french_lady/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Would you be willing to share a joke about unfaithful martha with me? | They have been married for 50 years
An old man asks his wife: "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you.. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason." Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons'?"
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that.. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he performed the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"Alright," Martha said. "Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?" | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6bwzxz/they_have_been_married_for_50_years/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a funny joke that relates to doctor boys? | Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
Doctor: Wow! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease that I have ever seen. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/bngo9q/man_doctor_all_five_of_my_boys_want_to_be_valets/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around newspaper jews should do the trick. | Two Jews meet in a NY subway
a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon.
Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"
Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!" | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5ccicu/two_jews_meet_in_a_ny_subway/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with wife cat? | A man hates his wife’s cat with a passion and decides to get rid of it once and for all.
He drives twenty blocks away from home and drops the cat there. The cat is already walking up the driveway as the man approaches his house. The next day, he decides to drop the cat forty blocks away, but the same thing happens. He keeps on increasing the number of blocks, but the cat keeps on coming home before him.
​
At last he decides to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again, and another right and so on until he reaches what he thinks is a perfect spot and drops the cat there. Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asks her, “Jen, is the cat there?”
​
“Yes, why do you ask?” answers the wife.
​
Frustrated, the man says, “Put that cat on the phone. I’m lost and I need directions.” | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/bfavqh/a_man_hates_his_wifes_cat_with_a_passion_and/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves billion gates. | Bill Gates and Donald Trump are alone in the Oval Office
Trump remarks,"Bill, together you and I are worth $80 billion."
Bill Gates says,"But I'm worth 90 billion." | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6tl55o/bill_gates_and_donald_trump_are_alone_in_the_oval/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you share a joke that involves new ceo? | The new CEO of a company comes into work determined to turn things around
The new CEO of a company comes into work determined to turn things around. Trying to prove himself to his new employees he looks around the office and sees a guy leaning against a wall doing nothing. He approaches the guy and asks him, "What do you think you're doing?"
The man replies, "I'm just killing time, waiting to get paid."
The CEO is furious, "What do you make a week?"
The man tells him, "About $200 a week."
The CEO pulls out his wallet and hand the man $400 and says, "There's your two weeks, now get out of here!" After the man leaves he turns to his employees and asks, "What do you think about that?"
One of the employees stands up and says, "I think he just got the largest tip he's ever gotten on a single pizza."
| SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5esc0k/the_new_ceo_of_a_company_comes_into_work/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around irishman replies? | A Texan walks into an Irish pub.
and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Ten minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 10 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".! | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5nxa60/a_texan_walks_into_an_irish_pub/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that relates to catholic school that you could tell me? | A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!" | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/fru4w1/a_13_year_old_boy_has_difficulty_with_mathematics/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a good joke that relates to hoes bros? | I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7uoolv/i_dont_believe_in_bros_before_hoes_or_hoes_before/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with won chess? | How do Australians know who won the chess game?
They check, mate. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8sl4d1/how_do_australians_know_who_won_the_chess_game/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about carlos stereo? | Jesus take the wheel
Carlos you take the stereo
I'll take lookout | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3jvtmw/jesus_take_the_wheel/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you please entertain me with a joke related to hasn gigs? | There's a band called 1023MB
It hasn't had any gigs yet. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5f7qjs/theres_a_band_called_1023mb/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around stoned leviticus? | By legalizing cannabis and same sex marriage, we finally interpreted the Bible correctly.
" A man who lays with another man should be stoned. "
(Leviticus 20: 13) | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/eqgifl/by_legalizing_cannabis_and_same_sex_marriage_we/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'd love to hear a witty joke related to man replied. Do you have one? | At a playground, a woman asked a man "Which kid is yours?"
The man replied "Haven't decided yet." | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/4xtmsq/at_a_playground_a_woman_asked_a_man_which_kid_is/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a funny joke that relates to ham? | That’s a nice ham you’ve got there…
It’d be a shame if someone put an ‘s’ at the front, and an ‘e’ at the end… | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6nllx0/thats_a_nice_ham_youve_got_there/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves usb drive? | When the creator of USB drive will die, they'll lower his coffin into the ground..
..take it out, flip it over and lower again. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5y0b5d/when_the_creator_of_usb_drive_will_die_theyll/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a good joke that relates to ocd? | I have OCD which severely affects my sex life.
Every time a girl gets turned on, I turn them off again. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7jj82p/i_have_ocd_which_severely_affects_my_sex_life/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that relates to neighbor knocked that you could tell me? | My neighbor knocked on my door at 3am
Can you believe that? 3 in the morning,
but luckily i was still up playing the drums. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3x2obj/my_neighbor_knocked_on_my_door_at_3am/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with girls player? | Why is it that when a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls he is a player...
But when a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys i'm not one of them? | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/60kjbx/why_is_it_that_when_a_guy_sleeps_with_a_bunch_of/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm in the mood for a joke about plane bombs. Do you have any good ones? | The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -
The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.
S. W. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7qftm2/the_odds_of_getting_on_a_plane_with_a_bomb_on_it/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves mathematician afraid? | Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/f0h8i9/did_you_hear_about_the_mathematician_whos_afraid/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves psychiatrist come. | Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So I went to a psychiatrist and told him I've got problems.
"Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year" said the psychiatrist. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears".
"How much do you charge?"
"Eighty dollars per visit" replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it and if needed, I will come back to you" I said.
Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street.
"Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?" he asked.
"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A barman cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV".
"Is that so!" With a bit of an attitude he said "and how, may I ask, did a barman cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed... ain't nobody under there now!" | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5mlsbh/ever_since_i_was_a_child_ive_always_had_a_fear_of/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with heart stomach? | My mother always used to say “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
Lovely woman; terrible surgeon. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/f4vltb/my_mother_always_used_to_say_the_way_to_a_mans/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about iron woman? | What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One is a superhero and the other is a command. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/bvxeu4/whats_the_difference_between_iron_man_and_iron/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm curious if you have a joke up your sleeve that pertains to scissors lesbians? | What's the difference between children and lesbians?
Children shouldn't run with scissors and Lesbians shouldn't scissor with the runs | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9reg6f/whats_the_difference_between_children_and_lesbians/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm in the mood for a joke about birthday bullied. Do you have any good ones? | What did the fat kid get for his Birthday?
Bullied | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/62khfk/what_did_the_fat_kid_get_for_his_birthday/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you share a joke that involves motherfucker judge? | Once there was this judge who just sentenced a man
The man asked the judge,
“Hypothetically, what would happen if I called you a motherfucker?”
The judge answered “If you were to call me a motherfucker, then I would sentence you for contempt to the court and you would spend the night in jail”
“Alright, said the man, but what if I was just thinking it?”
“I have no authority on what’s in your head. You’re free to think whatever you please.”
“In that case, your honor, I think that you’re a motherfucker.” | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7ezyg8/once_there_was_this_judge_who_just_sentenced_a_man/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves medusa hottest? | Medusa was the hottest woman ever.
Every man who looked at her got rock hard. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5cajv3/medusa_was_the_hottest_woman_ever/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you share a joke that involves lot zeros? | That’s a lot of zeros
An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:
"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."
Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying “oh my god” over and over.
Then he composes himself and says:
“Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?" | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9d9d6s/thats_a_lot_of_zeros/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves cowboy emigrated. | A cowboy emigrated to Wales
and opened a ranch at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
​
Unfortunately, none of his cattle survived the branding. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/cxov4j/a_cowboy_emigrated_to_wales/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'd love to hear a witty joke related to boy dark. Do you have one? | It's dark in here.
A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
One day, her 9-year-old son hides in the closet during one of her romps. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides the lover in the closet.
The little boy says, "It's dark in here."
The man whispers, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover end up in the closet together.
Boy - "It's dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
Man - Remembering last time, asks, "How much?"
Boy - "$750."
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your ball and glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000."
The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That's way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "It's dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again!" | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/34ja57/its_dark_in_here/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves watts china. | My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day
Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China." | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/b23q3x/my_wife_recommended_i_do_some_light_reading_to/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'd love to hear a witty joke related to nationality santa. Do you have one? | What nationality is Santa?
North Polish. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/a7iwqz/what_nationality_is_santa/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves jose. | A Mexican man was visiting America.
He wanted to go to a genuine American baseball game so that when he went home, he could tell his family all about it, but when he got there the game was sold out, so he climbed to the top of the flag pole to get a good look.
"What happened?" asked his family.
"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands, and all the players, stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?" | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/530s19/a_mexican_man_was_visiting_america/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you share a joke that involves heating dinner? | My girl walked in on me while I was blow drying my dick and asked "wtf are you doing?"
Apparently, "heating your dinner" wasnt the right answer. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/90ylin/my_girl_walked_in_on_me_while_i_was_blow_drying/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Would you be willing to share a joke about nudist beach with me? | How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach?
It's not hard. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/4hfzjl/how_do_you_spot_a_blind_man_on_a_nudist_beach/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that relates to tumblr unhealthy that you could tell me? | Why is Tumblr so unhealthy?
It's full of trans fats. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/4a78lw/why_is_tumblr_so_unhealthy/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with trump tie? | What's 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole?
Donald Trump's tie. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/4fnu72/whats_18_inches_long_and_hangs_in_front_of_an/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around condoms asks? | A woman goes into a drugstore.
"Do you sell XL condoms?" she asks the pharmacist.
"Yes, of course, family planning is in aisle 5," he replies.
"Thanks," she says, and walks over.
About a half hour later the pharmacist is stocking shelves and sees the woman still standing in aisle 5.
"Did you find the condoms?" he asks.
"Yep," she says.
"Well, is there something else I can help you with?" he asks.
"Nope. I'm just waiting to see who buys them." | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/cypqjl/a_woman_goes_into_a_drugstore/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Would you happen to have a joke about underwear thor that you could tell me? | What is the brand of underwear that Thor uses?
Ass guard | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7gzdnq/what_is_the_brand_of_underwear_that_thor_uses/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm curious if you have a joke up your sleeve that pertains to captains parrot? | A magician was working on a cruise ship
Since the audience was different each week, the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show “look, it’s not the same hat”, or “look, he’s hiding flowers under the table”, or “ hey, why are all of the cards aces?”
The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything. It was, after all, the captains parrot.
One stormy night on the pacific, the ship unfortunately sank.
The magician found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it, with the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but didn’t utter a word
This went on for a day, then two days, then three days. Finally the parrot couldn’t hold back and said
“Okay I give up, where’s the ship?”
All credit to u/TooShiftyForYou that man is a legend.
God bless you o lord of jokes. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7snim5/a_magician_was_working_on_a_cruise_ship/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves grey pubic. | I found my first grey pubic hair today
I just didn’t expect to find it in my Big Mac | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8y9ps1/i_found_my_first_grey_pubic_hair_today/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Tell me a humorous joke that involves viagra. | Viagra is a gateway drug
It leads to harder things. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/70yynk/viagra_is_a_gateway_drug/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves younger woman? | The Wisdom of an Older Man
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.'' | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/44g262/the_wisdom_of_an_older_man/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that relates to robbing criminals that you could tell me? | Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters?
He cleaned out every crook and nanny. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/bwhkci/did_you_hear_about_the_thief_that_preferred/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves guitarist arrested? | Why was the guitarist arrested?
He was fingering A minor | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/3nfn0r/why_was_the_guitarist_arrested/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Would you happen to have a joke about pharoah rich that you could tell me? | How did the Pharoah get so rich?
He was running a huge pyramid scheme | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/cnvf6u/how_did_the_pharoah_get_so_rich/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with island dog? | So a guy gets shipwrecked on an island with nothing but a dog and a goat.
As time passes, he decides he needs some action, and, well, the goats not lookin half bad.
However, anytime the man tries to make a move on the goat, the dog gets jealous, snaps at him and won’t let him by.
Eventually, another ship wrecks, this time carrying a blonde babe. Just absolutely gorgeous.
The man looks to the heavens, thanks God for answering his prayers, then looks to the girl and says:
“Would ya mind taking that dog for a walk?” | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9drfs2/so_a_guy_gets_shipwrecked_on_an_island_with/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm curious if you have a joke up your sleeve that pertains to sex like? | Sex is like politics.
I don't understand it, but I pretend to. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6g7c9l/sex_is_like_politics/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves bike student? | A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike.
The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”
The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”
The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.” | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5fduwm/a_computer_science_student_is_studying_under_a/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around irish funeral should do the trick. | What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drinker | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/b36jp5/whats_the_difference_between_an_irish_wedding_and/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm curious if you have a joke up your sleeve that pertains to male ejaculation? | The average male ejaculation occurs at 28 Miles per hour
Which makes it illegal in school zones | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7p3l1p/the_average_male_ejaculation_occurs_at_28_miles/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you share a joke that involves dark humor? | What's dark humor?
A boy asks his mom: "Hey, mom, what is dark humor?"
"See that disabled man over there?" She says
"But mom, I'm blind"
"Exactly, honey" | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/fdsyeg/whats_dark_humor/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with bolt door? | I bought a dog from my local blacksmith.
When I got home he made a bolt for the door. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6i99ab/i_bought_a_dog_from_my_local_blacksmith/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'd love to hear a witty joke related to met beautiful. Do you have one? | I met a beautiful girl the other day at the park.
Amazed by such beauty, I went up to her. Sparks flew and she fell at my feet, we ended up having sex right there and then.
I fucking love my new Taser | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/788ypk/i_met_a_beautiful_girl_the_other_day_at_the_park/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Would you happen to have a joke about dad replied that you could tell me? | As I got out on the 11th floor...
the lift operator said "Have a good day, son"
"Don't call me son. You are not my dad", I replied sarcastically
As the doors closed he looked me in the eye and
said "No, but I brought you up, didn't I? | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/9zh59k/as_i_got_out_on_the_11th_floor/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Would you happen to have a joke about david hard that you could tell me? | David was hard at work...
it was really quite awkward for his coworkers. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/4a396c/david_was_hard_at_work/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with drone ranger? | Got a new job at Gatwick Airport. I patrol the runways on a horse and shoot down any illegal flying devices in the area.
I'll be known as The Drone Ranger. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/a8a1k8/got_a_new_job_at_gatwick_airport_i_patrol_the/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you please entertain me with a joke related to say condescending? | A lot of people say I'm condescending...
(That means I talk down to people) | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5h1zvc/a_lot_of_people_say_im_condescending/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a funny joke that relates to drunk policeman? | A man is staggering home drunk after last call. A policeman sees the man stumbling around and asks where he’s going.
​
“I’m heading to a lecture,” the man slurs in response.
​
“A lecture?” the skeptical cop responds. “Who would be giving a lecture at this time of the night?”
​
“My wife,” the drunk man answers. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/b9rki0/a_man_is_staggering_home_drunk_after_last_call_a/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with ejaculation society? | I didn't know what to wear to my Premature Ejaculation Society meeting,
so I just came in my pants. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6kefuj/i_didnt_know_what_to_wear_to_my_premature/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around navajo man should do the trick. | The Bottle of Wine
Mike was driving home from a long business trip in Northern Arizona, when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the old man got into the car. Resuming the journey, Mike tried - in vain - to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo man. The old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Mike.
"What in bag?" asked the old man.
Mike looked down at the brown bag and said, "Oh, it's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife."
The Navajo man was silent for another moment or two. Then, speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said, "Good trade!” | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/4so3ze/the_bottle_of_wine/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with car driver? | A man accidentally rear-ended a car
The driver whom was rear-ended steps out of the car and, to the mans surprise, was a dwarf. He walks to the man and says "I am NOT happy."
The man responds: "Then which one are you?" | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/4zo7is/a_man_accidentally_rearended_a_car/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'd love to hear a witty joke related to tractor roberto. Do you have one? | A man visits a couple...
who are having some marriage issues. The man walks in and sees the wife and asks "Where is Roberto?"
"He's in the barn doing only God knows what," she replies.
So the man begins walking to the barn. As he gets closer he hears music and sees Roberto dancing. Roberto begins to slowly take off his shirt and swings it around his head and throws the discarded shirt on top of the tractor. Roberto does the same thing with his pants. Strips them off, twirls them around his head, and tosses them on the tractor. At this point the man has seen enough and shouts "Roberto what on earth are you doing?!"
Roberto looks up and says "The marriage counselor told me I needed to do something sexy to a tractor." | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6l74by/a_man_visits_a_couple/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you have a favorite joke that involves bar joke? | A dwarf walked into a bar.
The bar for this joke is set pretty low. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7kdyyq/a_dwarf_walked_into_a_bar/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Would you be willing to share a joke about pessimist glass with me? | Pessimist: The glass is half empty...
Optimist: The glass is half full
Journalist: You won't BELIEVE what's in this glass! | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6j51nm/pessimist_the_glass_is_half_empty/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Would you be willing to share a joke about alcoholic necrophiliac with me? | What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common?
They both like to crack open a cold one | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/d42tsq/what_do_an_alcoholic_and_a_necrophiliac_have_in/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves cosby santa? | What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common?
They don't come until you're asleep. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/6hups9/what_do_bill_cosby_and_santa_claus_have_in_common/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around camouflage clothing? | Camouflage clothing is so ugly...
It's no wonder you don't see anyone wearing it. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/bgf5gd/camouflage_clothing_is_so_ugly/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves condoms goodyear? | What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/33804u/whats_the_difference_between_a_tire_and_365_used/",
"nsfw": false
} |
What's a good joke that relates to told knee? | A joke my late grandfather told me...
Never get on one knee for a girl who won't get on two for you. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/64efwp/a_joke_my_late_grandfather_told_me/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm in the mood for a joke about fascinate little. Do you have any good ones? | Little Johnny.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/4ozplk/little_johnny/",
"nsfw": false
} |
I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around cold ireland should do the trick. | When it gets cold in Ireland, we all sit round a candle.
And when it gets REALLY cold, we light it. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/55d7ay/when_it_gets_cold_in_ireland_we_all_sit_round_a/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves officers eaten? | A police officer was assigned to hunt a dangerous cannibal on his first day on the job
All the more seasoned officers had already been eaten | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7xenao/a_police_officer_was_assigned_to_hunt_a_dangerous/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around whisky riding? | Last night I rode my bike to the liquor store
... and bought a bottle of whisky. I put the bottle in the bike basket but before riding back I thought: what if I fall down for some reason? The bottle will break! So I drank the whole bottle of whisky before riding home.
And thank God I did, because I must have fallen down about a dozen times before I got home. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/asttmk/last_night_i_rode_my_bike_to_the_liquor_store/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Would you happen to have a joke about dog second that you could tell me? | A man with a dog walks into a bar.
The dog shits on the floor.
The man didn’t realise, so he ordered a drink and went to sit down with his dog.
A second man enters the bar and slips over on the dog shit. He gets up in shock, staggers over to the bar and orders a drink.
A third man enters the bar and also slips on the dog shit.
The second man turns to him, laughs and says “Haha I just did that!”
Third man smacks him in the face and says “YOU DIRTY FUCKER!” | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/73by50/a_man_with_a_dog_walks_into_a_bar/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Can you think of a joke that centers around poof tupac? | An aspiring rapper finds a genie in a bottle...
"What are your three wishes?" the genie asks?
"First, I want to bring back Tupac and Biggie," he says. POOF! Tupac Shakir and Notorious B.I.G. appear beside him.
"Next I want to us all to live in Snoop's crib." POOF! The three are kicking it inside Snoop Dogg's huge mansion.
"Third, I want to fuck Kim Kardashian's little brown asshole. POOF! He's balls deep in Kanye West. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/57gw2l/an_aspiring_rapper_finds_a_genie_in_a_bottle/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with irishman bar? | An irishman is at a bar
He goes to get up and falls flat on his face
" paddy, you've had enough to drink, go home" the bartender tells him
" I'm Irish, i can hold my booze, but i think its time for me to leave !"
He goes to stand up again and falls flat on his face.
" look, you live right next door, let me help you home"
The bartender says.
" I dont need any help from you!"
He pulls himself up and takes a step, wham! Flat on his face again.
" come on paddy, let me at least call the missus"..
" get away from me"
He drags himself home, crawls to the couch and falls asleep. He wakes up in the morning with his wife angrily looking at him
" you got drunk again last night?"
" no, why accuse me of such stuff"
" the bar called, you left your wheelchair there"
| SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5h688x/an_irishman_is_at_a_bar/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Do you know any jokes related to did blind? | Why did the blind man fall into the well?
Because he couldn't see that well. | SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes | {
"link": "https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/7u012a/why_did_the_blind_man_fall_into_the_well/",
"nsfw": false
} |
Subsets and Splits