<div class="floatleft">(http://content3.catalog.photos.msn.com/ds/pic-en-us/picenus_msnentertainment/MSNE/762150B2-C423-4FE6-8020-7043B1658A5A.jpg)</div><div class="floatright"></div><div class="floatright">(http://www.anomalousmaterial.com/movies/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/true-romance-1993-02-g.jpg)</div><div align="center"><span class="bbc_size" style="font-size: 18pt;"><br/><br/>Floyd "Honeybear" Smucker<br/>Age 25<br/>Formerly Unemployed<br/></span></div><br/>Floyd’s official NSA file reads:<br/>“Smucker, Floyd<br/>Education:  Vulcan Science Academy<br/>Born:  Cybertron<br/>Aliases:  Honeybear, Couch Guy, Lord of Olympus<br/>Personal Background:  Born the offspring of Thor and Leia Solo, Floyd is a demigod with force-using abilities and a handmade purple lightsaber.  He has personally saved Smurf Village from destruction  eleven times, (tied with Papa Smurf) and Tony Stark lets him housesit his crib on the weekends.  He is a 17th level BMF, and his favorite color is green.  Floyd works part time as a member of the Avengers and the Justice League, which means …<em>it continues in this vein for seventeen pages.</em><br/><br/>The file is periodically updated, and a built in secure link which connects to the files of some three hundred different female celebrities, editing their occupation to read ‘Floyd’s Girlfriend.’<br/><br/>The NSA, despite its relatively well-funded operations, has a finite amount of resources with which to pursue cybercriminals.  With a growing number of black hat groups and cyberterrorists, the allocation of resources to pursue ‘grey hats’ like Floyd is limited, and Floyd represents the kind of cyber criminal least useful to the NSA – he’s not a public relations win, he doesn’t have an extensive network of other cyber criminals, and he wouldn’t operate well inside the authoritarian NSA environment; his psychological profile suggests that his presence could be ‘destabilizing.’  In kind, the relative damage he is believed to be capable of is minimal, and so he represents a lackluster investment of time and resources.  He was assigned to a mid-level NSA handler in charge of tracking him down and bringing him in.<br/><br/>That handler argues that Floyd has been wildly underestimated by the NSA.  He cites an occasion, three hours after being assigned Floyd, where he was called by a Southern Californian stoner.  After the stoner identified himself, the handler placed a trace on the call, a trace which failed to identify the location of the caller after three<em>hours</em>on the line with the hacker.  (Including what the handler describes as a ‘three minute whizz’ where Floyd was on speakerphone.)<br/><br/>At the handler’s urging, investigators were dispatched to interview friends, family, teachers – anyone who might have been able to shed light on the relative danger of Floyd Smucker.  They universally had never heard of Floyd Smucker – an after four days of investigation, the FBI interrogators dispatched to perform the interviews realized they were in fact being directed to the residences of the NSA handler’s friends, family, and teachers.  Since then Floyd’s threat assessment has been ‘under scrutiny,’ and his last known residences have been placed under surveillance.  Floyd, too, would be under surveillance, but the photo associated with his NSA, FBI, and CIA files is under scrutiny.<br/><br/><div class="spoiler_container"><div class="spoiler_header" onclick="hideSecond (this);" role="button">Floyd’s Official Government Photo</div><div class="spoiler_body"><div align="center">(http://cdn0.mos.techradar.futurecdn.net///classifications/home-entertainment/images/gandalf-3d-580-75.jpg)</div></div></div>