My Name Is . . . Alexander Crowley<br/>And I Am . . . An aspiring chef and wanna be philosopher<br/><br/>What’s been keeping you awake?<br/>Lots of things. A caffeine addiction, so many video games to play, recipes to commit to rote memory, experiments to be done, books to read, thoughts to process... their's just so damn much to do, and not enough time to do it all in! So screw sleep. I'll sleep when I'm dead.<br/><br/>What just happened to you?<br/>"Burn out", I've heard it called. You just keep going, and going, and going, and going, and eventually, something breaks.  Too many thoughts running around in my head, too many hours awake, too much caffeine keeping me all cranked up... go, go, go, push, push, push, faster, faster, faster, faster,<strong>faster.</strong>Can't stop. Can't stop, not now, so close,<em> so close...</em><br/><br/>But what's the point, what's the point, what's the point? None of it makes sense. Or it does. It all makes sense. Life is suffering. That's what it is. Some times good things happen, but their's always more bad. It's like a drug addiction. The good stuff is the high, but then you crash, and you get the nasty side effects; the bad things in life.<br/><br/>Bills, bills, bills. Cheating significant others. Lousy neighbors. Shitty friends. What's the point of it all? Why keep going, just for that next, brief, high? That next rush, or thrill? And then, afterwards, the crash, and the long craving for the next 'fix'.<br/><br/>It'd be easier just to end it all. I have a gun, you know. For protection. It's a smart choice to make. The crime might be low out here in the suburbs, but still...better safe than sorry.  Some times, I'll spend a few hours down at the range, shooting. It's fun. Good way to let off the stress.<br/><br/>Now, now it's the end to all the pain and suffering... but I guess I'm just not that lucky, am I? I'll never catch a break...<br/><br/>What’s on the surface?<br/>I smile a lot. People say I have a nice smile. A baby face, too.  I move confidently. I'm always happy.<br/><br/>What lies beneath?<br/>Misery. Pain. Suffering. So cliched sounding, isn't it? And yet, it's all too true. It's all a lie. I'd never smile, except it keeps people away. If I ever showed them just how miserable I am, they'd just pester me. "What's wrong?" they'd ask, and then I'd have to explain things to them, and they'll think I'm crazy.  Or I'll just brush it off, and they'll know I'm brushing it off, and that will make it worse. Or they'll say some stupid shit like "Turn that frown upside down!" which just pisses me off.<br/><br/>I can't ever let anyone get close enough to see just how broken I've become.<br/><br/>What’s your path?<br/>All I want, is to be blissful...to feel peace, to be out of pain...<br/><br/>Discipline: 3<br/>Permanent Madness: 0<br/>Current Exhaustion: 0<br/><br/>Responses (3 total)<br/>Fight<br/>Fight<br/>Flight<br/><br/>Scars: (none to start)