Blackadder Goes Forth<br/><br/>(In probably the most poignant scenes of the series, Blackadder, Baldrick, and George sit in the dug-out, waiting for the big push. There is a real sense of time being on their hands)<br/><br/>BALDRICK<br/>Permission to ask a question, sir.<br/><br/>BLACKADDER<br/>Permission granted Baldrick, as long as<br/>it isn't the one about where babies come from.<br/><br/>BALDRICK<br/>No. The thing is - the way I see it, these<br/>days there's a war on, right? And ages ago,<br/>there wasn't a war on, right? So there must<br/>have been a moment where there not being a war<br/>on went away, right, and there being a war on came<br/>along, right? So, what I really want to know is<br/>how we went from one case of affairs to the other<br/>case of affairs.<br/><br/>BLACKADDER<br/>You mean, how did the war start?<br/><br/>BALDRICK<br/>Yes, sir.<br/><br/>GEORGE<br/>The war started because of the vile hun<br/>and his villainous empire-building.<br/><br/>BLACKADDER<br/>George, the British Empire at present covers<br/>a quarter of the globe while the German Empire<br/>consists of a small sausage factory in Tanganyika.<br/>I hardly think we can be entirely absolved from<br/>blame on the imperialistic front.<br/><br/>....<br/><br/>BALDRICK<br/>I heard it started when some chap called Archie Duke<br/>shot an ostrich because he was hungry.<br/><br/>BLACKADDER<br/>I think you mean it started when the Arch-Duke<br/>of Austro-Hungary got shot.<br/><br/>BALDRICK<br/>Nah - there was definitely an ostrich involved.<br/><br/>BLACKADDER<br/>Well possibly. But the real reason for the whole<br/>thing is that it would be too much effort not to<br/>have a war... you see, Baldrick, in order to prevent<br/>a war in Europe, two super blocs developed: us,<br/>the French and the Russians on one side, and the<br/>Germans and Austro-Hungary on the other. The idea<br/>was to have two vast, opposing armies, each<br/>acting as the other's deterrent. That way, there<br/>could never be a war.<br/><br/>BALDRICK<br/>Except, well, this is sort of a war, isn't it?<br/><br/>BLACKADDER<br/>That's right, there was one tiny flaw in the plan.<br/><br/>GEORGE<br/>Oh, what was that?<br/><br/>BLACKADDER<br/>It was bollocks.<br/><br/>BALDRICK<br/>So the poor old ostrich died for nothing.<br/>