I am abruptly awoken from the most bizarre dream of being stranded in the Arctic wastes, attempting to catch fish with my teeth and then being slapped playfully around the head by a penguin dressed in a delightful pink dress with an unhappy haddock.<br/><br/>Aha! Yes, it all comes back to me. The cafe,...the mischievous text-speaker...<br/><br/>And what vision of loveliness is this? And why have you not got a drink?!<br/><br/>I fly behind the bar with a whirling backflip and offer you the choice of the bar.