His mind flashed back to the first time he was saved by anya and alpha. He was still lost in grief back then and couldnt let go of what happened. He canvassed the deeps out passed what used to be orion colony scavenging junk that floated in system on the solar winds. He talked to no one. He spent his time working on his ship and on scavengin. And on the rare occasion when grief took him he drank. And on that night he drank more than he shouldve. (Truth be told he wasnt sure how he made it to the field much less to his ship.) And he finaly gave into the grief. He had taken his little headhunter far past the saftey margin into reaper space and he didnt care. All the alcohol would let him think of was his precious son gabriel and wife saraphina. And after that all was a red haze. His little blast boat jittering and groaning as he did the only thing his drink addled brain would allow. Hurt those that hurt him. It wouldve been an impossible task even had he been sober. Their were just to many of them against his blastboat but then his soul woud shatter a little more and he would forget. That is until all he could hear was dry firing from his turret and sirens as his ship fell apart around him. This was it what hed craved since that horrible night. He pulled the e.v.a. handle and suddenly he was floating in the void. Just his flimsy suit between him and the cold vacum of space. Oh and about a thousand of thet most twisted evil beings in the verse. And he was just shiny with that. Screaming obscenities that no one could hear he waited to die. Wanted to die. In his drunken state he couldnt understand why they had to die and he had to live. And just as he pulled his  lucky pistol, which would at most go unnoticed by the reapers, a shuttle passed between him and the angry swarm of hate an insanity that was baring down. Then a jarring impact and blackness. He awoke tied to a strut. The first thing he noticed was the incredible hangover. Gradualy that eased and he registered the presence of a beautiful woman in front of him. Just in time to take a hard smack on the head and hear. "U crazy bastard were u trying to get yourself killed?" He looked up at her and replied simply. "Yes." And those shameful yet very sincere words were the first spoken the the woman and her brother. Those to helped him find a semblance of sanity and stuck around afterwards. Then hed gotten this ship and things had never been the same. Flashing back to the moment he turned and looked at the two of them. Alpha lost to the verse doing what he did best juking and rolling diving and twisting. Moving a firefly class freighter in ways its inventer couldnt have dreamed of. And anya hands on the firing controls spitting hot plasma and curses down their pursuers throaght. At times like these he found himself hard pressed to come up with reasons he shouldnt show her exactly how he felt. And then the old pain would flash across his soul. And he would wonder if he would ever have the courage to feel that way again. His mind was healed but his soul was still in pieces. Then their eyes locked and fear raced thru him as he watched her read all the emotions playing across his soul like he was a book. The fear,hope,grief,longing, and the ever present rage. And then the moment was gone and all he could do was kiss the piece of twisted metal on a cord around his neck and pray they lived long enough for him to wonder what his fiery first mate read in that brief moment of weakness.