Oh sweet child, it is clear you still don't understand. You haven't lived a thousand lives or taken enough lives to know how your outlook of me is.  You see HIM as a savior, you adore HIM yet you don't know HIM...what has HE given you? Argh! Blind followers you all make me want to vomit.<br/><br/>Yet you know me and reject me. My story, the one you think you know is told too often but is wrought with inaccuracies.  Well, I, Lucifer, Fallen Angel, Prince of Darkness, Bringer of Light, Ruler of Hell, Lord of the Flies, Father of Lies, Apostate Supreme, Tempter of Mankind, Old Serpent, Prince of This World, Seducer, Accuser, Tormentor, Blasphermer, and without a doubt Best FUCK in the Seen and Unseen Universe (ask Eve, that minx) have decided -- oo-la-la! - to tell all.<br/><br/>All? Some. I'm toying with that for a title. Some. Got a post-millennial modesty to it, don't you think? Some. My side of the story. The funk. The Jive. The Boogie. The rock and roll (I invented rock and roll. You wouldn't believe the things I've invented. Anal sex, obviously. Smoking. Astrology. Money...Let's save time: Everything in the world that distracts you from thinking about HIM (God).  Which....pretty much...is everything in the world, isn't it? Gosh.)<br/><br/>Now. Your million questions. You think you know me. You've done my bidding. I've stolen your soul. "The devil made me do it!" Yet you still want to know. All, in the end, have the same question.  What's it like being me? What, for heaven's sake, is it like being me?<br/><br/>In a nutshell, which thanks to me, is the way you like it in these hurrying and fragmented times, it's hard. For a start, I'm in pain the whole time. Something considerably more diverting than lumbago or irritable bowel; there is a constant burning agony, all over, so to speak (that's quite bad) punctuated by irregular burst of incandescent or meta-agony, as if my entire being is hosting it own private Armageddon (that's really very bad).  These nukes, these....supernovae catch me unawares.<br/><br/>You all whine about choice... You all want to be free yet my small act of defiance, of choice has utterly blanketed me in shame and pain for a thousand billion years.  I ask are you a slave? (present situation excluded)<br/><br/>Yes yes...I know your next question already. And who, you may ask, is to blame for that (my pain - my fall from "paradise")? Didn't I chose my fate? Wasn't everything hunky-dory in Heaven before I...upset the Old Man with that rebellion stunt? (Here's something for you. It might come as a shock. God looks like an old man with a long white beard. You think I am kidding. You'll wish I was kidding. He looks like a foul-tempered Father Christmas.) Yes, I chose. And oh how we've never heard the end of it.<br/><br/>Until now. Now there's a new deal on the table...and you can join me. The End is Nigh!