<div class="floatleft">(https://www.mediafire.com/convkey/4c50/ek74xe84agd1axk6g.jpg)<br/><div align="center"><strong>Courtney</strong></div></div><span class="bbc_size" style="font-size: 12pt;">Jacyln starts giving me some background on everything leading up to the tragic events with her fiancée. I listen attentively, shaking my head sympathetically. I couldn't fathom it getting worse, but it did. Much worse actually.<br/><br/>It turned out that this Christina was only legally declared deceased. She was kidnapped. Then sold off. To somewhere in the Middle East with the trail going cold in Yemen. My God ... That sounds worse than death ... I feel a cold, sickening pit forming in my stomach just thinking about it. My memory fiasco is serious, but to me it pales in comparison to this. <br/><br/>I mean ... you'd have to live with the knowledge that the one you loved was probably still alive out there somewhere, possibly in a brutal and war torn society, suffering God only knows what. And once the search failed, and was called off ... how would you even function? I'm speechless. Even when she gets to recent events that I'm familiar with, I'm struggling. That ... that's a lot to deal with each and every day. <br/><br/>"That's ... I'm so sorry Jaclyn. For the longest time after I got drugged, I could barely even pull myself out of bed in the morning. I can't even ... I can't imagine what you must have been going through ... still going through, I'm sure. Makes my issues seem trivial, honestly." *frown*<br/><br/>"I hate this world sometimes. I really do. The fact that we have people so greedy, that they willingly destroy lives just feed the needs of psychopaths?" *shaking my head* "It's downright depressing."<br/><br/>So, if I'm fitting the puzzle pieces together right, Jaclyn has a deep down desire for complete submission, and this ... Du Monde person has taken advantage of that. She must have been the other one on the roof that night.<br/><br/>"I'm in therapy for ... well not the same thing exactly, but similar reasons. My biggest problem, is I have no context for how to behave when confronted with everyday happenings ... sexual advances included. All those little hints people drop, or cues, or whatever, either go right over my head, or just confuse me. I have a hard time figuring out people's intentions. That of course can lead to an awkward situation, like we had."<br/><br/>"That's what Miss Kat just started working on with me: Context. Got a ways to go obviously. Heh heh. I'm not going to say how she's doing it, but I will say this, Jaclyn: Trust the process. She knows what she's doing."<br/><br/>*sigh* "I worry about who all managed to get out safely too. I've heard Jacqueline made it out safely, and Michy made it out, and Amanda, me of course, and Steffy, and Mackenzie, Mechelle ... and I heard a rumor that Taffy made it out, but was in hiding. Just a rumor so far though."<br/><br/>I let out out a *yawn* and think for a moment.<br/><br/>"I do have one question but, it might be a bit too personal, so you don't have to answer it, but I wonder ... Do you think <strong><em>part</em></strong> of the reason this Dianne person has such a hold of you, stems from sort of a ... self-destructive mentality after what happened with Christina?"<br/><br/>"I mean ... I know you said you were submissive beforehand, it's just ... Early on for me, I'd toss and turn in bed, crying, sobbing ... often wishing someone would just come along and finish wiping out my mind so I wouldn't be suffering anymore. It was hell those first few weeks, Jaclyn. I won't lie, I even contemplated suicide. I'd given up hope."<br/><br/>"I just wonder if, subconsciously, there isn't a part of you ready to give up as well. It sounds like you poured yourself into your studies and your work, which is a good way to cope initially, but ... I dunno. To me, I think part of you just wants to let the real world go ... stop fighting and give up in defeat. Easier to just quit right?"<br/><br/>"Except it isn't. Once you give up, I mean truly give up ... there is no coming back. You may realize later on that you made a terrible decision, but it'll be far too late to do anything about it. Like ...  jumping off a building, only to realize halfway down that you want to live. Far too late at that point."<br/><br/>"If I'm way off base, or out-of-line, then I'm sorry. Just ... don't give up okay? Live your life in honor of Christina, if that helps. Find the happiness she'd want you to have. She may be gone ... but not her love. Love doesn't die. Ever. Use that as your strength and fight, Jaclyn."<br/><br/>*Yaaaawwn* "Pheww ... sorry. I think I'd better hit the hay, this gurl needs some sleep. Thanks for inviting me over and talking Jaclyn. It felt really good just to talk. Mind showing me to the guest room?"</span>