I know, and I get that I've heard it a thousand times, but, I dunno, maybe that's just what I needed to hear right then. I've been crying allot lately, and I have no idea why. I think I've just been denying myself allot of emotions that have been trying to get through, and now they're all at a breaking point. I've seriously just been a wreck since that hell week I told you about. Only having 1 day off between last Sunday and this coming Thursday isn't helping though I'd imagine.  Kinda think I might be getting sick too. I'm tired all the time, can barely eat, and feel like I have someone inflating the frontal lobe of my brain like a balloon from all the pressure in the front of my head.<br/><br/>I think maybe it's just hitting home because of how desperately I've been searching for some way, any way to turn my life around. And, what I keep telling myself to counter the urge to fallow fred around like a little sheep hanging on his every word like I did when I was in high school, is that this would just be another desperate grasp in the dark. It wouldn't be genuine. So, I've decided that maybe I need to keep talking to him, actually state my own opinion on things, and discuss things with him, and use what knowledge I gain, be it from him, or from my own statements, to help my self sus out the rest of my beliefs.