Onion News intro (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrSaDI6m4Bc#ws)<br/><br/><em>"Hello there, and thank you for tuning in to action headlines, I'm Ryan Dodson, filling in for Clifford Baynes, who's currently dog sledding through Alaska to 'find himself'. Our top story of the day: how your best friend could be a serial killer without THEM ever knowing it. But first, a look into the wonderful world of sports, as the Mech Battling Federation is set to kick off it's next season, and tension is ALREADY running high, for more we turn to our primary sports analyst, Jason Foyer, Jason."<br/><br/>"Yes, Ryan, it's that time of the year again, spring. That time of the year where we stay inside and have lazy days when it rains, the time where we tend to our gardens, mow the lawn, play in the pool, and tune in to watch giant metal killing machines rip each other to shreds. We're only one month into the preliminary rounds of the Mech Battling Federation, but this is already shaping up to be one of the most exciting seasons yet. Only one month in and we've already seen disastrous carnage, near death experiences, bitter rivalries, and relationships start to bloom. <br/><br/>One of the biggest controversies surrounds the hulking Goliath known as the Eberhart, which has made a reputation for itself of utterly demolishing the competition beyond repair, costing sponsors thousands to get their suits repaired. It's in fact gotten so bad, that the new trendy term among teenage circles for a Mobile Weapon getting demolished has been dubbed "Getting Eberharted". Let me tell you, there's so much controversy surrounding this giant tin can then even Montresor would start to get a little pale in the face about it. It all started when he demolished the suit of one Mira Malrain, who was in a machine that should have had NO trouble avoiding it. Things got even more interesting after his following match, where a similar incident occurred. I asked Jack MacDonald, the vice president of Mech Benchmarks and Safety about this devastating weapon, as well as any possible concussive tools that the Eberhart could be using, but he refused to comment.<br/><br/>On a lighter note, it seems that love is in the air between pilots early this year, as two pairs of pilots have already been suspected of having relations brew between them, one of them confirmed by our own investigative team. The first, and by far more unusual of the two, is speculated to be a growing interest between the reclusive young woman Illyria, and the masked man who answers to the name 'Montresor'. The two were seen enjoying one another's company two weeks ago, though neither has commented on the situation. On the other hand, love is most certainly in the air between Elizabeth "Railgun" Raines, and the newcomer, Mira Malrain. The two were seen at a birthday party two days ago, and as you see *here*, Malrain is clearly pulling Raines into her apartment for a small celebration of their own. It's just up to our imaginations to put together just how far this went.<br/><br/>Of course, it's not much of a Mech BATTLING Federation if there isn't any combat to go along with that drama, and the first month of prelims certainly did not disappoint in that regard. Later today, I will be counting down my top five most memorable moments from the first month of preliminary competition, so stay tuned for that. Then, later on, I'm going to have somebody in the studio who claims to have proof that the Phantom Warrior is his long lost identical twin brother. But for now, I'm going to toss you back over to Action Headline's fashion expert, Diana Hall, who's got some sweet tips for all you ladies who want that little *extra something* as Diana puts it, Diana?"<br/><br/>"Thanks Jason, it's been-"</em><br/><br/>*click*<br/><br/>Alister shook his head lightly as he turned off the HV and stood up. Oftentimes, he liked to keep tabs on the news to see what sort of courageousness they were putting on the air, it was the closest thing to a comedy show that he watched. However, he was surprised to see that his younger sister was already getting more airtime then half the other professionals, of course, her being an attractive female Malrain... who was courting one of the top professionals in the league, it wasn't really overly surprising to him. Alister walked over to the door, slid on his shoes, and decided to head outside for a little bit of a walk. He needed some fresh air anyway.