<strong>Who</strong>:<strong>Myst-R-OUS-1</strong>and<strong>Bat-R-REE-1</strong>and<strong>Mask-R-ADE-1</strong>and<strong>Vict-R-YYY-2</strong>and<strong>Doct-R-NIK-1</strong><br/><strong>Where</strong>: BRIEFING ROOM B3729 SECTOR PLX<br/><strong>Why</strong>: TBD<br/><br/><div class="floatright">(https://elliquiy.com/elluiki/images/6/67/Cobie23.jpg)</div><br/>With the air of a briefing officer who is happy merely to supervise a briefing which has lasted this long without bloodshed or bloodless cauterized wounds, the woman eagerly assigns the claimed Mandatory Bonus Duty badges to the remaining Troubleshooters. Each assignment comes with the aforementioned nifty badge, but some positions have the added reward of additional equipment! Truly it is a glorious day.<br/><br/>"Mask-R-ADE-1 is hereby awarded the Happiness Officer MBD," she announces. A large metal panel slides out of the opposite wall revealing various packages of equipment. She retrieves one and hands it to you. It's about the size and shape of a hardback dictionary, if you knew what one of those was, which you don't. It bears the Happiness Officer logo, matching your badge:<br/><div class="floatright">(https://elliquiy.com/elluiki/images/4/42/Paranoia_happiness.jpg)</div><br/>"As Happiness Officer, you are responsible for monitoring your team at all times for signs of SSM (Sub-Standard Morale). SSM is a serious danger to mission success. Signs of SSM may include reluctance to participate in optional morale-building activities, as designated by the Happiness Officer. Other signs of SSM include arguing excessively, refusing to volunteer for dangerous tasks, refusing to laugh at the Happiness Officer's jokes, or smiling with insufficient display of teeth."<br/><br/>"SSM may be treated by application of various Pre-planned Spontaneous Activities (PSA's) such as group sing-a-longs, trivia contests or improvised dance battles. In the unlikely event that these techniques are insufficient to the task, the Happiness Officer is authorized to make use of Personal Stabilization Drugs (PSD's), a supply of which is included in the Happiness Kit." Indeed, the largish box opens easily while within proximity of your badge to reveal a small fortune in "EZ-DUZ-IT" and "Wider Awake", along with a smattering of other pharmaceuticals. There is also the front cover of a manual titled "Proper use of pharmaceuticals. Also 1001 Morale Building Jokes." The remainder of this manual seems to have been lost.<br/><br/>The officer continues.<br/><br/>"Myst-R-OUS-1 is hereby awarded the MBD of Communications and Recording Officer. The Communications and Recording Officer is responsible for recording all aspects of the mission for later insertion into the Computer archives. The C&R Officer is further tasked with maintaining an open and secure link to The Computer at all times. Field orders from The Computer will be relayed to the team through the C&R Officer's multicorder."<br/><div class="floatright">(https://elliquiy.com/elluiki/images/1/15/Paranoia_communications.jpg)</div>The device in question is handed to you. It is a sleek, elegant piece of equipment capable of capturing the circumstances of the mission in full surround sound, in 3D, with a variety of artistic filters. 'Sepia' seems to be very much in vogue these days. The multicorder is hardened against electronic attack and has a much more reliable link to The Computer than any of the teams' PDCs. It is not uncommon, you will find, for PDCs to malfunction in the field due to the work of Commie saboteurs. Not so for the C&R Officer's multicorder.<br/><br/>You are also issued two helmets, each boasting a bright spotlight mounted on top. Because sometimes you really need to get the proper lighting in order to communicate things clearly. The helmets come equipped with battery packs, weighing only thirty pounds or so and connected to the helmets by ten feet of tightly coiled cable. The C&R Officer should assign these crucial supplemental equipment as required.<br/><br/>Seeing the end in sight, the briefing officer pushes on bravely.<br/><br/>"Doct-R-NIK-1 is hereby assigned the MBD of Hygiene Officer. The Hygiene Officer is responsible for ensuring that the Troubleshooter team always looks its best. Uniforms cleaned and pressed, shoes shined, teeth brushed, whitened and waxed. It is critical that Troubleshooters, being representatives of Friend Computer, always present the best possible image in the minds of the citizenry. Poor hygiene is an invitation to Commie usurpation, and it is well known that neatly combed hair acts as a shield to mutant mind control abilities."<br/><br/><div class="floatright">(https://elliquiy.com/elluiki/images/e/e3/Paranoia_hygiene.jpg)</div>"Your principal duty will be to administer Personal Hygiene Tests (PHTs) at random intervals. Any Troubleshooter failing their PHT must undergo an immediate Emergency Sanitation Procedure (ESP) appropriate to the level of infraction. The specifics of the PHT are up to the Hygiene Officer's experience and discretion, but you will be provided with a standard issue Skin-Core Sampler (SCS), which allows for a relatively quick and mostly painless determination of tissue sample skin to dirt ratio." The device resembles a long flat belt that can be wrapped around any part of a person's body, down to, oh, say about an inch and a half in diameter. There's a complicated control panel, and a button, and a dial, and no instruction manual.<br/><br/>"In the event of a Hygiene Emergency, the Hygiene Officer is empowered to apply any of the devices and products contained in the Hygiene Kit." This Kit is another large gray backpack that seems to be filled with plastic bottles of various sorts. "Secondarily, the Hygiene Officer is responsible for maintaining the appropriate tidiness levels for all areas the Troubleshooter Team might venture into. This is a priority."<br/><br/><div class="spoiler_container"><div class="spoiler_header" onclick="hideSecond (this);" role="button">ooc</div><div class="spoiler_body">There's no way this is going to end up with cleaning up spooge off the walls, floor and ceiling. Probably.<br/></div></div><br/><br/><del>"Bat-R-REE-1, have you made a decision? Or would you prefer to not serve Friend Computer in this manner?"</del><br/>(I missed the part where Bat had selected the Loyalty Officer badge. I don't have time to write up his section tonight, though -- will have to get to it tomorrow. Sorry Strangefate.)<br/><br/>