Stella (http://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=105142.msg4604651#msg4604651) tossed and turned in her tiny bed, the feeling of the mattress beneath her suddenly very uncomfortable and lumpy. More than anything she wanted more sleep, the one and only thing she knew that would keep her emotions in check and the depression away. But try as she might, it just wasn’t going to happen. It was beyond unfair. Then, that came as no surprise. Not really. Her life had hardly been fair from what she could recall, at least not as of late anyway. Why would it suddenly change paths now?<br/><br/><em>It wouldn’t…</em><br/><br/>Not wanting to give up on sleep, Stella refused to open her eyes. She just wanted a few more precious moments of numbness, of time floating in that black void of nothing but dreamless sleep. It wasn’t much to ask for. Was it? After all, she had never been the sort to expect anything much in life. Not from anyone. Her needs had always been simple – to be taken care of, to feel safe…<br/><br/>Stella had no idea what time of day it was as she continued to toss and turn in her bed, her body tangled with the blankets covering her. Her mind began to drift, wondering about the time. But something deep inside told her it had to be around mid-morning. Just then, her pale eyes snapped open and a jolt ran along her spine. Immediately, she sat upright and frantically began to glance about the room. For some reason, she felt off and an odd sense of panic trying to consume her. Shivering, her heart pounded beneath her breast and her breath started coming in short, hard rasps.<br/><br/>“Calm down, Stella,” she whispered to herself, desperately trying to give herself the reassurance she needed.<br/><br/><em>Fuck! It’s not working!</em><br/><br/>Hugging her knees to her chest, Stella realized that her roommate, Yuna, was gone. Arching a brow, she wondered where the quiet girl had gone. It wasn’t common that she leave the confines of the room they shared, so she figured the Japanese girl had her reasons. Biting down on her lip, the sense of panic still rising from within, she let go of her knees and stood up.<br/><br/>Tucking a stray dark strand of hair behind an ear, Stella’s eyes drifted along the wall of her side of the room. Finally, they settled upon the desk. Oh god, the edge of the tabletop looked so inviting as it beckoned her to sit down and stare at it a bit longer. Unable to resist, the fact that Yuna was gone making it all the more tempting, she hurried over and sat down. Licking her lips, her heart racing, her adrenaline surging, she lifted her hands up into the air and brought them down swiftly.<br/><br/><em>THWACK!</em><br/><br/>Stella’s wrists slammed against the edge of her writing desk. Almost immediately, the euphoria began to set in. It was wonderful; it was heaven. Again, she brought her hands up only to bring them down once more. The pain was sweet as it made her body slowly relax, her muscles loosening, her heart slowing down. Again and again she banged her wrists against the desk, taking advantage of the fact that she wouldn’t be disturbing her roommate since she was currently gone. She’d always felt terrible any time she had to bang her wrists in front of Yuna. Fortunately, the girl seemed to understand her needs though it was clear that the loud sounds bothered her greatly. Besides, it was better than her preferred alternative.<br/><br/>Oh the thought of pressing a razor against her pale flesh had Stella almost writhing in her seat.<br/><br/><em>THWACK! THWACK!</em><br/><br/>The sting of a cut definitely would calm her more than this wrist banging. But Stella’s doctors made sure to keep anything with a blade far from her reach. And she was certain that it was a cruel and demented joke that they have her room with a girl who’s love for blood surpassed her own. She often wondered if they did it knowing it would force her to second guess her actions, to take pause.<br/><br/><em>THWACK! THWACK!</em><br/><br/>Stella opened her eyes and looked down at her hands. The bruises were beautiful, their purple-blue color mesmerizing as it spread along her wrists. At that, she stopped her wrist banging and began to stare at the art she’d created on her skin.<br/><br/>“So beautiful,” Stella whispered as she touched her wrist with a curious finger. Immediately, she winced. The bruises hurt. But the physical hurt washed away the panic and pushed aside the pain she felt inside. That, right there, made it all worth it. Yes, she felt better already and she suddenly could feel a small smile creeping over her lips. And smiling wasn’t something she often did.