This guide will comprise a basic guide to medicine as practiced at CCMTH. The idea here is to provide a glossary of medical terms and slang, as well as a catalogue of diseases, their symptoms and treatments. It'll be updated at least semi-regularly as we get more patients who need their condition explained.<br/><br/>First of all, the<br/><br/>LAWS OF MEDICAL PRACTICE:<br/><br/><strong>1. GOMERS DON’T DIE.<br/>2. GOMERS GO TO GROUND.<br/>3. AT A CARDIAC ARREST, THE FIRST PROCEDURE IS TO TAKE YOUR OWN PULSE.<br/>4. THE PATIENT IS THE ONE WITH THE DISEASE.<br/>5. PLACEMENT COMES FIRST.<br/>6. THERE IS NO BODY CAVITY THAT CANNOT BE REACHED WITH A #14G NEEDLE AND A GOOD STRONG ARM.<br/>7. AGE + BUN (Blood Urea Nitrogen) = LASIX DOSE.<br/>8. THEY CAN ALWAYS HURT YOU MORE.<br/>9. THE ONLY GOOD ADMISSION IS A DEAD ADMISSION.<br/>10. IF YOU DON’T TAKE A TEMPERATURE, YOU CAN’T FIND A FEVER.<br/>11. SHOW ME A MED STUDENT WHO ONLY TRIPLES MY WORK AND I WILL KISS HIS FEET.<br/>12. IF THE RADIOLOGY RESIDENT AND THE MEDICAL STUDENT BOTH SEE A LESION ON THE CHEST X-RAY, THERE CAN BE NO LESION THERE.<br/>13. THE DELIVERY OF GOOD MEDICAL CARE IS TO DO AS MUCH NOTHING AS POSSIBLE.</strong>