Stella remained quiet as she waited for Dr. Jacobson to give her the pills. Once he administered them, she closed her mouth and worked up her saliva as best she could. Once her mouth was wet enough, she swallowed them down and gave him a small smile. The doctor seemed to be a cautious man and, given the state of Rosanam and its many patients, she couldn’t fault him for that. She’d heard rumors about some of the others, those with violent tendencies and personalities triggered by who knew what. She shivered slightly at the thought, suddenly feeling so alone and isolated.<br/><br/>Just as Stella felt herself slipping into feeling pity for herself, Dr. Jacobson’s voice brought her back to the there and now. He mentioned she’d need x-rays. The fact that he’d said that took her off guard a little. She was fairly certain that she’d only sprained her wrists, but then again, there could very well be micro-fractures that formed during her episode of detachment and need for release of some kind.<br/><br/><em>Detachment.</em>That’s exactly what is was, what Stella experienced each time she’d succumbed to the pleasures and false euphoria of injuring herself. Since being admitted to Rosanam, she hadn’t had any opportunities to indulge in such things. She knew they were ultimately wrong, but she couldn’t help herself. It was the only way she could take back what was rightfully hers. Her life. For a small moment in time, she could let go of everything. She could be herself… no judgment to worry about whatsoever.<br/><br/>Stella averted her gaze and looked down at the cold, hard floor as Dr. Jacobson’s question about her self-injuring behaviors started to actually register. She knew why she did it, to hold onto a small thread of her life that was for her and her alone. She felt a strange semblance of peace when the pain began to permeate throughout her body. Normally, such things would just hurt. But when the mood was right… oh god…<br/><br/>“Well, I…” Stella began, her voice quaking as she tried to speak. She looked at Dr. Jacobson just then, hoping he wouldn’t cast his own judgment like everyone else seemed to do. “It’s the only time I’m truly happy,” she answered. “I know. I sound crazy.” At that, she closed her eyes and felt them well with warm tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. “But I won’t do it again. I’ll try…”<br/><br/>Stella meant what she said. She’d definitely try her hardest not to, though she worried that she wouldn’t be able to hold her promise. Not if an opportunity arose where she could actually bring herself to such a state of bliss. Though she wondered if such a time would ever present itself again. She’d thought herself to be in the clear when Yuna had gone. But apparently, there were cameras hidden somewhere. Someone was watching.<br/><br/><em>A watcher?</em>It was the only answer Stella could think of. Someone was indeed watching her and it was that person who called in security. As she pondered the idea of someone watching her, she suddenly felt her skin flush and get hot. Was this watcher truly watching her at all times? Even when… At that, she let out a tiny gasp and bit down on her lower lip.<br/><br/>“It’s just that it relaxes me,” Stella continued trying to shake the thoughts of being watched by some anonymous figure, even during what she’d thought had been her most private moments up until… now.<br/><br/>As Stella answered Dr. Jacobson, she followed his gestures and nudges to getting up and bound so that she could walk the halls down to breakfast. As he bound her arms with the bicep cuffs, the softest whimper of pleasure could be heard from her. As he bound her, a wave of comfort washed over her, a feeling of safety, of security.<br/><br/>“I don’t always understand it myself,” Stella added as she stood up. “It just… it feels good.”