<div class="quoteheader"><div class="topslice_quote"><a href="https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=167462.msg8228351#msg8228351">Quote from: yesiroleplay on 15-05-2013, 07:18:34</a></div></div><blockquote class="bbc_standard_quote">A story about a Rooster with True Grit.<br/><br/><div class="spoiler_container"><div class="spoiler_header" onclick="hideSecond (this);" role="button">Spoiler: Click to Show/Hide</div><div class="spoiler_body">There was this farmer, we'll call him Farmer Bill.  Farmer Bill had a problem.  His hens weren't laying.  Now, Farmer Bill liked his crisp bacon, buttermilk pancakes, and eggs over easy, so hens that don't lay were a problem.  He tried everything, feed supplements and medicines and tonics.  And none of that worked.  So he tried other stuff, like singing to them and other equally bizarre remedies.  None of those worked either.  Finally, he asked the dealer at the feed store, who was also the closest thing to a vet in the district.<br/><br/>"Well Bill."  Sutler Owens called Farmer Bill just Bill, which irked our Farmer because there was nothing he could do about it.  "Well Bill."  Sutler Owens told Farmer Bill.  "What you have is some unhappy hens.  You need to make them girls happy and they'll start laying up a storm!"<br/><br/>Farmer Bill had his doubts about this idea, but he was getting desperate, so he went along.  "And how do I make them hens happy?"  He asked, knowing he was about to hear a sales pitch.<br/><br/>"Well Bill, your hens need a rooster around the place."  Bill winced, he didn't like bloody little streaks in him morning eggs.  <br/><br/>"But I don't like fertilized eggs."  He protested.<br/><br/>"Oh, no worries Bill."  The sutler assured the farmer.  "We got a special rooster. Real special.  Not only has he been to the big city and had one of them operations... onna them vasectom-a-giggers.  But before that, he was part of a government program to produce super-chickens!"<br/><br/>Now Farmer Bill had had just about enough.  "Hogwash!"  He snapped.  "There ain't no such thing as a super-chicken. You're just trying to run up the price on me."<br/><br/>Owens shook his head, perhaps a triffle too vigorously.  "No such thing.  Fact is, Since you're such a good customer, I'll give him to you for just one dollar."<br/><br/>Now, Farmer Bill lost regular at the Saturday night poker games, because he could never read no one's tells.  But even he could see that Sutler Owens was just a bit to eager to get rid of this rooster. "What's wrong with him?"  He demanded bluntly.<br/><br/>"Nothing!  Nothing at all!"  The sutler shot back much too quickly.  "Look at him!"  He pointed the bird out then, a Rhode Island Red cock, with as pretty a plumage as Farmer Bill ever did see.  Tall but not gangly, with prize-winning looks to him.  <br/><br/>"Why, that's a show bird!"  He protested.  "I can't afford no purebred like that."<br/><br/>"Just a dollar, but all sales are final!"  The sutler reminded, trying to contain his excitement.<br/><br/>"And nuthin's wrong with him?"  He demanded.  <br/><br/>"Look for yourself, he's right as rain!"  And then he added slyly.  "And I guarantee, he'll keep your hens happy."<br/><br/>Well, it were worth a try.  "I'll take him for a dollar."  Farmer Bill agreed.  "Worse comes to worst, I'll eat him."  And he handed over the dollar.<br/><br/>"All sales final!"  The sutler reminded, snatching the dollar like it was the very first he'd ever earned.  Meanwhile, the rooster went plumb loco, squawking and running 'bout in circles like he were plumb upset over something.  And the way he kept cocking his head and staring at Farmer Bill, it seemed he were mostly upset with his new owner.<br/><br/>It took a while, but eventually they caught the super chicken and caged him up, setting him on the seat passenger-side so the farmer could take him home.  They hadn't gone far before Farmer Bill heard a throat clearing, and then he heard voices.  "Uhhh-hurumph.  You... you didn't mean that part about eating me, did you?"  <br/><br/>Farmer Bill stopped the vehicle and looked around.  "Who's there?"  He demanded.  "Tommy Pratt, if that's you'n, practicing that there voice-throwing trick, I'm gonna scald your hide!"<br/><br/>"Of course it isn't Tommy.  It's me you fool."  Said the rooster.<br/><br/>Farmer Bill stared, and he considered silently for a while, and then he turned back to the road and continued on his way to the farm.<br/><br/>"Hey!  I'm talking to you!"  The rooster demanded attention.  "Ain't you gonna ask why I can talk?"<br/><br/>"Nope."  Said the farmer.  "Don't wanna know, as long as my hens start laying again, I got all I need."<br/><br/>"Oh, I can help you with that."  The rooster assured him.  "Tell me about this chicks - long legs?  Bright red combs?  Stiff yet supple tail feathers?"<br/><br/>"I don't know about all that.  They're hens, and none of them has the lice or the mange."<br/><br/>The rooster looked interested.  "How many?"<br/><br/>"About two dozen."<br/><br/>"Oh wow! And no other roosters!"  If the rooster had lips, he'd be licking them.  "Let me at them!"<br/><br/>"Soon enough." And it was fairly shortly after that they arrived and the farmer lifted the cage, setting it on the dirt of the farm yard.<br/><br/>"Oh yeah!"  The rooster was thrashing at the bars at sight of all those lonely chicks striding about, picking at corn and scratching up worms.  "Look at that beauty!  Boy do I want a piece of that!"<br/><br/>The farmer glanced at the hen in question - but she didn't seem any different than any of the others.  <br/><br/>"So... I let you out and you do your business, and my hen's start laying again?" He asked, feeling foolish for talking to a chicken, and more than a might scared that it was only his imagination that answered back.<br/><br/>"Yeah, yeah...  Of course.  Now let me out!"<br/><br/>And when Farmer Bill let the rooster out, the bird made a bee-line for his chose hen.  Squawking and wing-flapping and generally carrying on in a show the farmer didn't bother to watch.<br/><br/>In the days that followed, his hens did start laying again.  And surprisingly, given all the activity he'd witnessed, none were fertilized.  That Rooster!  Man oh man did that bird like his work!  There wasn't a moment of the day that he weren't either chasing tail-feather or ruffling the same.  He went through the whole clutch in just a few days.  At first the hens didn't seem to mind to much.  But enough was enough, it seemed.  Because the rooster had to work harder and harder to catch his hens.  And they were getting smarter about avoiding him.<br/><br/>The farmer noticed all the activity, and warned the rooster.  "A body can't keep that pace!"  he warned. "You're gonna screw yourself to death if'n you don't let up."<br/><br/>Didn't faze the rooster a bit.  He just jumped anything with feathers.  The goose, the pond ducks, he even used a mouse to lure down a barn owl.<br/><br/>It seemed to Farmer Bill that it wasn't that the hens were moving faster, but that the rooster was moving slower.  "Pace yourself big fella."  He warned.  "You don't need to fuck all the damned time - take time to eat, savor, enjoy."<br/><br/>The rooster just scoffed and went off to stalk a lady chicken hawk.<br/><br/>Farmer Bill knew that pace couldn't be kept forever, so he wasn't much surprised to come out one morning to find the rooster laying dead on the ground, sprawled with his sharp tongue laying sideways out from his beak and his pristine feathers dull and lifeless.  "Damnit Rooster." He told the body.  "I done tol't ya that you were gonna fuck yourself to death, and you up and done it!"  He couldn't help but feel sad, the randy bird had been an inspiration of sorts.<br/><br/>But as his shadow loomed over the dead body, the rooster opened one eye.  "Shhh."  He hissed, twisting his neck to point his beak high up into the sky where buzzards circled.  "They're about to come in for a landing."</div></div></blockquote><div class="quotefooter"><div class="botslice_quote"></div></div><br/>True story bro.<br/><br/><br/><div class="quoteheader"><div class="topslice_quote"><a href="https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=167462.msg8228930#msg8228930">Quote from: Bloodied Porcelain on 15-05-2013, 09:45:50</a></div></div><blockquote class="bbc_standard_quote">Rawr! Ten posts in one sitting and I'm officially caught up! *dances*<br/></blockquote><div class="quotefooter"><div class="botslice_quote"></div></div><br/>I did a four posts myself and am more or less caught up with Doomtown though I still need to do a post for Aiden in History.  :-)