<div class="floatright">(https://elliquiy.com/elluiki/images/4/42/Gaidin.jpg)</div><strong>Character name:</strong>Galvren Valynar (https://elliquiy.com/forums/index.php?topic=234819.msg11585469#msg11585469)<br/><strong>Position:</strong>Gaidin.<br/><strong>Bondmate:</strong>Suana Bemesta.<br/><strong>Tag:</strong>Suana Bemesta.<br/><strong>Time:</strong>Evening, Saven 7th, 990NE.<br/><strong>Place:</strong>The Grounds, Secluded Corner Of The Garden.<br/><strong>Warning:</strong>N/A<br/><hr/><br/>Well...<em>shit.</em>He had hoped that his momentary panic and fear - as brief as it was - would go unnoticed or at least ignored for the time being, but apparently Suana Se-<em>Suana</em>was more observant and more concerned than that. He supposed that it made sense, in retrospect; she was undressing him, ready for a night of passion and intimacy, and they she felt a spike of - of all things -<em>fear</em>and possibly even a little<em>revulsion.</em>That was not exactly something you'd want to feel from your partner; a flinch on its own would likely warrant an "Are you ok," but actually feeling the emotions behind it being fed directly into your brain? That would give cause for real concern, and obviously since he was her Warder, she would want to know anything and everything that could affect his efficacy and his mental and physical wellbeing. It just made sense for her to be concerned, and he was even a little touched that she was so worried about his well being that she cut straight to the point instead of delaying it for later...but it didn't make things any easier for him. Despite the wave of cuddly, caring warmth that flowed through the Bond, Galvren instead began to feel just a little sense of unease.<br/><br/>He<em>really</em>didn't want to talk about it<em>now</em>of all times, especially since it would kind of sour the mood of what was supposed to be an exuberant celebration of a momentous occasion, but how was he supposed to deny the<em>Sitter of the Green Ajah?!</em>If an Aes Sedai asked you something, you answered, no questions asked, unless it put another Aes Sedai in danger. And here he was, considering outright saying "no" to a Sitter! It was, honestly, kind of terrifying. He could always tell her, of course...but that thought scared him more. Not only would it bring the whole mood down, but he actively avoided thinking about it at all times and he just didn't think he could talk about it without getting to the verge of breaking down somehow. And honestly? Breaking down was not the sort of thing that an Aes Sedai would want to see in her Warder over something as trivial as a kink that he didn't care for. Besides, what would he say? He'd describe the situation, but he honestly didn't know<em>why</em>it had affected him so profoundly. Could it be that it had gone against every instinct in his body, both as a Warder-In-Training and as a man who valued his friends safety? Could it be that he just abhorred unnecessary violence? Could it be that it was because she wanted him to actively cut off air supply, which could kill her, and he didn't like the thought of killing a friend? Could it just be that he was being melodramatic about the whole thing? Any one - or more - of them could be true and he didn't know which one/s. How could he really talk about it to any effect without knowing why it bothered him?<br/><br/>He swallowed a little, his hands resting on the back of her waist as he tried to gather his thoughts enough to speak; his brain was scattered, scrambling for an answer that could get him out of this without having to talk about it, but he was coming up empty. "Suana Se-<em>Suana.</em>" he began hesitantly, turning his head to look at her hesitantly. Uncertainty, worry and no small amount of trepidation and even a tinge of fear all warred for dominance in his mind. He knew he had to talk about it with somebody, but...well, knowing it and doing it were two entirely different things. And honestly, he didn't think he was ready. "With all due respect, and with as many apologies as I can give...I really,<em>really</em>don't wish to speak of it. It isn't that I don't trust you, I just...do not believe myself to be ready just yet." He grimaced a little. "I don't wish to sour the mood of our celebration any more than I already have, and it's something that I don't entirely understand myself." Keep as close to the truth as possible without giving details...a trick he picked up from Theraeve Sedai, amusingly enough.<br/><br/>"It's nothing serious, Suana, I promise. I highly doubt it will come up between us again, and if it does, I will tell you about it right then and there. But for the moment...it's something I would much rather forget, at least for the time being. But...your concern...it comforts me to know you care. It means a lot. Thank you." He looked at her perhaps a little pleadingly; he could forget it tonight, he was certain, but only if she dropped it. She could always Compel him to answer her, of course, but he knew - well, hoped - that she wouldn't resort to that so soon. He would tell her eventually, but...he just didn't think he was ready to speak of it. He needed to figure it out himself before he explained it to somebody else, for one. For the other...well, this was a celebration. And he didn't want to talk about it on what should be one of the happiest and proudest moments of his life. He wanted to forget about it, if only for the night, and if he started talking about it he'd be dwelling on it for the rest of the week. He just wanted one night where he slept peacefully without thinking about it as he drifted off to sleep...was that so much to ask?