The pause before Marcus spoke seemed to stretch into a tight painful band around Nicci's chest, which grew more constricting with every second.  She only realised she had been holding her breath  when the hot air inside wooshed out with a soft sigh at the sound of his words.  She heard Mila's voice too, and loved the word she had chosen  Respect, yes, she had hit the nail on the head.  If you respect someone you give them space to be themselves and try to understand them.<br/><br/>She heard the chink of glasses and looked up to see Bo and Mari share a toast, but didn't quite hear Bo's words.  Looking across at Vince she saw him raise his glass, but he didn't say anything or look at her. Nicci wished she had left it to someone else and had not said anything at all, when would she learn to keep her big mouth shut?  She had just killed the conversation stone dead and probably made a mull of it.<br/><br/>She put one of the raspberries on her spoon and tilted it into to her mouth. She slowly sucked it, until it burst its juice and bathed her mouth, something she had always done since she was a child.  And the unconscious action made her realise that the simple pleasures as well as the bigger ones could in the end make all the difference.<br/><br/>There was still such a tension in the air and she wasn't sure why, sure Vince and Bo had butted heads a bit but nothing major.  Mila was very quiet at the other end of the table, but as she couldn't see her she had no idea whether there was anything to be concerned about down there.  She felt she needed to escape, to just breathe and give herself a break from the teaming emotions and almost suggested to the girls they all leave to find the toilet, but after her last attempt she thought she should leave it to those who were better at it than herself.<br/><br/>She got to her feet and put her napkin down beside her plate, “If you will excuse me everyone I am going to see if I can find a cloakroom," she smiled, to try and keep it light and not let anyone know that in fact she wanted to escape the tension for a few a minutes even more than she needed the toilet, and added – if I don't come back send out a search party in case the ghosts have got me.”<br/><br/>When she got into the corridor she breathed a big sigh of relief.  No-one could see her now and she didn't have to try and be on her best behaviour.  She headed for the kitchen both to find out where the toilet was and also to talk to the housekeeper.<br/><br/>She smiled at Cathy, who looked up from the tray of tea cups she was laying out and said how much she had enjoyed the meal thanking her for all her hard work.  She made polite chit chat about the food for a moment, asking about the chocolate and telling her how much she looked forward to cooking in such a lovely kitchen.  Then before she asked for directions she asked where she was serving the tea and coffee and when she found out is was in the lounge she asked her if she could put a pad and pen in there too for them as they had been talking about playing some parlor games.<br/><br/>Cathy gave her directions to the cloakroom and making her way to it Nicci hoped they would try the questions, the team at the Centre used them a lot and she had seen how freeing they were - perhaps with the pad there ready someone would take her up on the idea and they could take it from there.  She wondered how they were getting on, and if the tension had reduced and they were back to teasing again.  She hoped so.<br/><br/>After she had washed her hands she dawdled along the corridor though, looking at some of the pictures and she mocked herself for being a coward and dragging her feet, not something that would normally be part of her mental repertoire, she was more likely to be the one leaping before looking.<br/><br/>She knew that it was because she cared so much, maybe too much, it was stopping her from being herself and maybe these few minutes quiet were what she needed to see that.  She still felt unsettled and uncharacteristically unsure of herself but a little more able to face the music.