<div class="floatleft">(http://pm1.narvii.com/6860/952df0bb6492d40ac84c8925d56ff8bac0fee568v2_00.jpg)</div><strong>Character Name:</strong>Norman Osborn II (The Red Goblin)<br/><strong>Location:</strong>The Marvels Building Upstate New York City<br/><strong>Wearing:</strong>Red Goblin<br/><strong>Tagged:</strong>Ravager, Devils Nyght, Torrent, Roulette, Pandemic, War Bride, Mind Witch, Aegis, Magni,<br/><strong>Warnings:</strong>None<br/><hr/><br/>So *that* is a really good question. Why is a Goblin even here and not in Prison? Well - funny story ...<br/><br/><div class="spoiler_container"><div class="spoiler_header" onclick="hideSecond (this);" role="button">I'm Crazy For You</div><div class="spoiler_body"><div class="floatleft">(https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81I8Q6exlHL.jpg)</div><em>My Dad used to tell me about something he called the Parker Luck. As he would say it, with the sole exception of getting dates with partners that by all rights were way out of his league, he just had the worst luck in the whole world.<br/><br/>Well, Mayday - looks like here's my version. I'm the Sensational Spider-Girl.</em><br/><div class="floatright">(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/43/c2/49/43c249f8954ed6915a02fcfb2da3de16.jpg)</div><br/>Solar Square was a dumb name for a dumber mall, the Neo-Retro-Future-Nostalgia Fad clearly went too far when a mall was built around the idea. The whole place looked like something dropped out of a bad sci-fi movie from the 1970's but that of course was by design. So Unshway, this Mall was going to be here forever looking like something home to jumpsuits and bad haircuts forever. Still though, an iPhone 22b-Pro was an iPhone 22b-Pro. The latest fashion tend of "put solar tape on anything that can support it" was working at least. Heck, between that and the shoes that generated a little electricity when you step in them at least it was useful. Damn dumb names though. Again, Neo-Retro-Future-Nostalgia was dramatically prone to giving things dumb names especially since it got corporate enough to make Malls.<br/><br/>Solar Square Mall was going to be known for something else soon though, at least if the two men planning a massacre had anything to say about it.<br/><br/><div class="floatleft">(https://www.writeups.org/wp-content/uploads/Funny-Face-MC2-Spider-Girl-Marvel-Comics.jpg)</div><div class="floatright">(https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/marveldatabase/images/f/f5/Crazy_Eight_%28Earth-982%29_from_Spider-Girl_Vol_1_25_001.jpg)</div>"<strong>Come On, I <em>told</em> you I was being paid to kill her.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>Yeah, but I didn't know you meant <em>kill her</em>, kill her. Being Spider-Girl's Mentally Unstable Boyfriend is kind of my Bit. My fans <em>Love</em> it!</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>Name 3.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>Shut up, Nerd.</strong>"<br/><br/><em>Funny Face and Crazy Eight. Twins with cybernetic implants to improve their agility, Gimmicks for weaponizing toys and games, and no regard for human life beyond entertainment value. Beating them individually is never really a problem, but together and without any of the hostages dying? That could be a problem. And I'm counting at least 200 hostages, mostly cornered in a kid's play area wired with bombs. Ah, frak this isn't good. I need a distraction. And apparently Crazy Eight thinks he's in love with me. Great. Just what my dating life needs. Welp, as long as they don't look up I can just get into the perfect position. </em><br/><br/>"<strong>Why are you just using bombs anyway? So boring!</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>Hired some goons to wire up the doors and escalators too. And not all of them are just bombs. Some have Razerwire.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>Okay, nice touch - but still.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>Did I mention I didn't <em>tell</em> the goons which was which?</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>Getting even better, but still not Funny enough.</strong>"<br/><br/><em>Spider-Sense Tingling! Move, Mayday!</em><br/><br/>"<strong><span class="bbc_size" style="font-size: 7pt;">Excuse Me!</span></strong>" comes a muffled voice from the other side of a ceiling window. The figure carries a sihloutte that brings such dread that even the hostages <em>already wired to explode</em> moan in fear. The figure doesn't ask twice, just places a Pumpkin Bomb on a window pane and steps back.<br/><br/><em>Oh no no no nonononono</em>.<br/><br/>The two psychos already present just giggle.<br/><br/>"<strong>Is that the Green Goblin? Now its a Party!</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>I know, right? That dude is like Beyonce for Supervillains.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>And she's holding up so well for her age.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>I know, right? I hope I look that good at 60.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>That sounds wro -</strong>"<br/><br/>Smoke and Fury erupts for a brief moment on that roof, enough to obscure the Goblin on the Roof for precious seconds as the glass rains down and Spider-Girl thanks the Universe that the glass shards are raining down on Funny Face and Crazy Eight, not the hostages. And form the smoke descends a very familiar shape that New Yorkers have learned to dread over the years. The shape of a Goblin Glider. Then the shape clears the smoke.<br/><br/><div class="floatright">(https://i.imgur.com/CilRo4p.jpg)</div>"<strong>Wait, a Red One? There's a Red Goblin now?</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>How many Goblins are there?</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>2 Green, 4 Hobs, 1 Demogoblin, 1 Goblin King, 2 Goblin Queens-with-I's, 1 Goblyn Queen-with-a-Y...</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>FUNNY FACE! WHAT IS THIS I HEAR ABOUT YOU KILLING THE WOMAN I LOVE?</strong>"<br/><br/><em>Oh, what the <span class="bbc_u">fuck</span>?</em><br/><br/>"<strong>I mean, maybe - can you be more specific?</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>Spider-Girl! You can't kill her! She's the Marge to my Homer, the Morticia to my Gomez, and I will *GUT YOUR FAMILY LIKE FISH* if you so much as -</strong>"<br/><br/><em>Okay, props for the reference and Hashtag-Relationship-Goals but this is just what I need in my life right now.<br/><br/>Actually, hold on a second. This really is something I could use for the hostages.</em><br/><br/>"<strong>Get in line, Blood Goblin. I was here first. And she's MINE!</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>Blood Goblin? Are the 90's back in style again?</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>And how come none of you want to know my feelings? I love her too, you know.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>No you don't, you're just caught in the moment. Which I love that about you bro, but this is between me and Blood Goblin.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>That doesn't make my feelings any less real!</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>That's <span class="bbc_u">Exactly</span> what that means. And the name is Red Goblin.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>Want to take this outside, Poser?</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>Gentlemen, Gentlemen - I have an idea. Women love it when you kill for them, right? So how about we just start killing hostages and whoever kills the most by the time she gets here wins?</strong>"<br/><br/>For a couple chilling seconds there's <em>3</em> giggling maniacs in that mall standing over 200+ hostages and counting that are themselves starting to shake in fear and test the edge of their trap - but then the Red Goblin stops.<br/><br/>"<strong>Wait, no - that won't work. When women say they like men that are willing to kill for them, they're usually talking like Rivals or Enemies.  I don't think just randos in a Mall qualify for Spider-Girl.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>...You serious? Explains a few things about my dating life, honestly.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>So you're saying we shouldn't kill anyone?</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>I'm saying it's more likely to actually impress Spider-Girl if we kill Each Other, not the Hostages.</strong>"<br/><br/><em>Did he just - ? No, has to be a coincidence.</em><br/><br/>"<strong>Oh that's a bummer, was starting to like you. You realize we're twins and will turn on you first, right?</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>Really? I don't see it.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>You don't? Funny Face - stand right here next to me, and take off the dumb hat.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>The Hat is an Homage, <em>my</em> fans love it.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>Name 3.</strong>"<br/><br/>"<strong>Shut up, Nerd.</strong>"<br/><br/>A pumpkin bomb is in the air heading for the twins before anyone realizes what is going on, just as Mayday manages to gum up the bomb trap enough to free the hostages in the play area.<br/><br/>"<strong>I can keep these losers distracted, my Love! But Hurry!</strong>"<br/><br/>“<strong>Appreciate the assist, but if you use the word ‘Mi’Lady’ I’m going to knock you out too.</strong>”<br/><br/>“<strong>Fair Enough, Honey Bunny.</strong>”<br/><br/><em>Again, Ewww - but props for the reference. Huh, so this Red Goblin is still batshit crazy but otherwise a *relatively* good Goblin? Wait until Dad hears about this...</em><br/></div></div><br/>Once is a fluke, twice is a coincidence, more than that though? Now its a pattern, this Red Goblin keeps showing up to situations with lives on the line and *somehow* things turn out for the best.<br/><br/>Do we have a Goblin that's trying to be good?<br/><br/>"<strong>Can Morgan come out to Play?</strong>" asks a sing-song-y male voice over Aegis frequencies. A streaking Goblin Glider swoops around the compound. He wonders who is smarter, honestly. Granted, he in effect cheats a bit - he got his intelligence boosted from exposure to the Goblin formula but po-ta-toe, pot-a-to.<br/><br/>"<strong>Last to hack the Pentagon is a rotten egg.</strong>"