<div class="floatright">(http://cdn.movieweb.com/img.news.tops/NEGbUDoC6vEzKH_2_b.jpg)</div><br/>====================================================================<br/>Character Name: Captain Deadpool....uh just Deadpool<br/>Date/Time:  (19:57 pm), April 19th 2017<br/>Location: Stark Industries Test Facility<br/>Wearing: Pictured<br/>Tagged: The 4th wall audience<br/>Warnings: None<br/>====================================================================<br/><br/>Armed guards patrol the perimeter of a large military styled complex just outside New York City. Well illuminated, dogs, most likely loaded with alarms and all manner of sensors. Of course none of this matters to our hero as the camera pans to him surveying the scene. He nods and finally turns to address the camera. This is one of those awesome monologue moments and if you know Wade W. Wilson there are two things he can't resist. Chimichongas and a snappy monologue. Well sorry bitches...he's all out of Chimichongas.<br/><br/>"Oh hello." He says whimsically. "First of all I would like to say how proud I am to be chosen by Steve as the second in command of our most awesome Avengers lineup to date. I promise I will fight for truth, justice, and the Canadian way which might also be the American way, with the exception of Hockey and socialized medicine." He points at the complex before him. "I know several of you are at home right now saying 'what the fuck is deadpool doing at a Stark Enterprises Test facility?' right? Well allow me to explain. We all know Tony went out into the desert and came back with the epiphany that he should be working on renewable energy and not warfare." He says with an annoyed tone. "Let us reflect on this a moment. A man who's whole family lineage is based on being a weapons supplier does a complete about face and claims no more war machines...peace...love...and renewable energy is the answer!" He seems confused. "What the fuck Tony? Right now Daddy Stark is looking down from heaven atop a tank in the clouds wondering if this weak assed child Tony is really his." He pauses. "Well Tony as wonderful as peace, love, ren faires, and blow jobs are, there will always be some mother fucker ready to drop a big ole Cleveland steamer on your good time. When that time comes you put the hippies in a corner and strap up your best gear because...sometimes...war is the mother fucking answer." He shrugs. "We aren't going to stop Dr. Doom with sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows...we need firepower. So Tony Stark of Stark Enterprises LLC. Thanks in advance for allowing me to borrow what I need to defeat Dr. Doom."<br/><br/>He pauses and acts like he's about to move but stops and looks back at the camera.<br/><br/>"The cardinal rules are simple. It's only stealing if you get caught and it's much easier to beg for forgiveness than ask permission."<br/><br/>With that he times the guards walk and makes a running leap over the fence and inside the compound. It takes several minutes for him to cross the grounds and reach Hanger 12. He looks at the keypad lock and studying it as though he has some great scheme for defeating it, then does something no one would've expected. He whips out his little Deadpool and pisses on the keypad. I know exactly what you're thinking. There is no fucking way that would work in the real world. Well this is Deadpool bitches and his urine shorts out locks. A spark lets him know the door has been defeated and he sneaks inside.<br/><br/>About 20 minutes pass before anything else happens. It's almost like our hero went in to take a nap, make a sandwich, or watch illegal cable television. But when something happens it does happen. A tank bursts through the door of hanger 12 and runs hellbent for leather towards the perimeter fence. The guards are shocked and open fire at the large metal monster escaping their confines, but they don't have a weapon capable of even scratching the tanks paint.<br/><br/>Inside Deadpool is laughing and having a fantastic time as the voice of Jarvis floods the interior of the tank.<br/><br/>Jarvis: "In the name of the United States Government and Stark Enterprises you are ordered to stop this vehicle and surrender to security."<br/><br/>Deadpool: "No can do J Diddy...The Avengers need this to save the world."<br/><br/>Jarvis: "Deadpool."<br/><br/>Deadpool: "What have I told you?"<br/><br/>Jarvis: "I'm sorry my dope ass fresh prince, but you are stealing the G.O.A.T. which violates at least 10 federal statutes as well as puts Stark Enterprises in line for serious litigation."<br/><br/>Deadpool: "Look here J Diddy....the deal is Dr. Doom is about to rain hell on New York city. He has himself and an army ready to fight and die at his bidding. With that said, being the second in command of the Uncanny Avengers, I have commandeered this tank in the name of the law, and will proceed to kick serious Dr. Doom ass as soon as he shows his metal face."<br/><br/>Jarvis: "You can't just steal a tank..."<br/><br/>Deadpool: "Did you not hear me J Diddy...fate of the world shit is happening...and I have to carry my end of the load here. I'M THE SECOND IN COMMAND DAMNIT! Me and Cap are the Can-Am Connection! Do you realize how hard it is to live up to Steve Rogers?"<br/><br/>Jarvis: "We should contact Mr. Stark..."<br/><br/>Deadpool: "Look he's prolly balls deep in Pepper right now...why bother him every damn time the world needs saved? I mean You got me!"<br/><br/>Jarvis: "You have 48 hours with the G.O.A.T. If Doom hasn't sprung evil onto New York by then, Stark Enterprises will expect the weapons return."<br/><br/>Deadpool: "Absolutely..." Changes to a whisper. "Not a fucking chance."<br/><br/>Jarvis: "I heard that..."<br/><br/>We return to the hanger where the troops have entered. In place of the Tank a large banner has been hung depicting Ron Jeremy, naked, and wearing an Iron Man helmet. The note attached reads.<br/><br/>"Hi Tony...hows it hangin? Borrowing the God Of All Tanks for a few days because Dr. Doom wants to assault New York. I know you're busy in Bora Bora or whatever so this time I'll stand in and do my part to save the world. P.S. When you bust a nut in Pepper will you say 'this one's for Deadpool!!!' Thanks in advance. Wade. P.S.S. You can also say that if you bust a nut on her face, ass, stomach, or tits. I'm democratic like that.