From the Jim Rome Show talking about A & M ,
 1) They won't shut up. They have to go on about spirit, and old army, and r=
ed ass, and how bonfire represents the burning sensation they have in their=
 urine to beat UT, and blah blah blah. Shut up. You start to get the feelin=
g the entire school was built to spite UT.=20
2) Forget the fact that when the Texas Legislature back in the 1870's passe=
d legislation to start a state university they also decided to have a subsi=
diary branch of the main school (University of Texas) that would teach agri=
culture and mechanics. Aggies love to say their school is older, from where=
 they get that I don't now......the fact is, the State intended A&M to be a=
 branch of UT. They are like the afterbirth from the original creation. Lik=
e Danny Devito in "Twins".=20
3) So they apparently have this complex, so much so, that they must devote =
their entire school to trying to prove to UT that they are just as good. Al=
l the while, nobody at UT denies that A&M is a good school, yet they won't =
shut up. So they write a fight song......about?....Texas, and how they want=
 to beat them. They have a Fish Camp for freshman where they tell them how =
bad Texas is and how good A&M and all its traditions are. It is the world's=
 largest known case of penis envy, and it is manifested in everything A&M d=
oes.=20
4) The people at A&M. Now we all have friends who went to A&M or are at A&M=
. There are some nice people there. However...there is the Corp. East Texas=
' answer to dreams of ROTC kids everywhere. For every boy scout who never l=
earned to stop playing with his GI Joe Toys, there is the Corp. Now, forget=
 the fact that A&M will actually let people with sub-par grades enroll if t=
hey agree to join the Corp. Forget the fact that the Corps looked like a Ge=
stapo hate rally while beating down students on Kyle Field in 1995. Forget =
the fact that along with the numerous hazing charges that have been filed a=
gainst them, and swept under the rug over the years, they just this past mo=
nth have had one Corps member bring charges against another Corps member wh=
o apparently had been propositioning others for a little actual sodomy. Not=
 only could I go on with more instances of idiocracy by these Khaki-clad-sh=
aven-headed-dorks, I am sure each of you have your own stories. The point i=
s: We all respect West Point, Annapolis, The Air Force Academy; however, no=
body respects the Corp. I imagine they are kind of the laughing stock of th=
e military world. Just because you dress like the Army, and try and act lik=
e the Army, does not make you the Army. People at A&M don't even respect th=
ese clowns. It is not cool to shave your head and dress up. Halloween is on=
ly supposed to be one day of the year. If you want to carry guns and beat u=
p civilians, move to Israel.=20
5) It is even less cool to slobber on somebody's daughter on national telev=
ision and call it a tradition. Dry humping 18 year old girls in the stands =
at football games is not cool. Not only is it not cool, it should be agains=
t the law. I know that in College Station, students are just prone to mount=
 each other on the campus lawn, or in the middle of class, or anytime anyth=
ing good happens you can just grab the girl sitting next to you and start s=
ucking on her face. But everywhere else in the world, it is looked down upo=
n. Especially if you are doing it on my TV. That is why we have moved the g=
ame from Thanksgiving. Because people across the nation were gagging on the=
ir turkey when in the middle of watching a football game, some boy scout is=
 tongue thrashing some overweight co-ed during somebody's Thanksgiving dinn=
er. We do not need to see burly women engaged in a suckfest every time your=
 woeful offense manages to put points on the board. Some of these girls are=
 in desperate need of a trip to the Clinique counter. Screw that, forget ma=
ke-up, it is too late for that, just give them a veil.=20
6) "t.u." is not funny. It is NOT insulting. It is dumb. Just imagine if fo=
lks from Texas kept talking about M&A and giggling. That would not be funny=
. In fact, it would be retarded. That's why UT fans don't do it. Please lea=
rn.=20
7) You want to lose the image of country bumpkins, of a people fond of shee=
p, of people that aren't stupid? Then quit building things that fall down. =
Quit chasing cheerleaders around with swords on national TV. Quit whooping =
in church. Quit whooping period. Quit putting up scoreboards for the enjoym=
ent of dead mammals. Quit spending your Friday nights practicing how to yel=
l. Quit telling rape jokes to reporters when you're running for Governor. W=
hen you are filling out season ticket renewals, and the form asks for your =
phone #, H & W, quit putting 258-3999, Height 6'3", Weight 185. Just, colle=
ctively, stop making asses of yourselves. Go to East Texas, tour every smal=
l town, and ask every red neck with a 5th grade education why they cheer fo=
r A&M and wear maroon. That is your fan base. This is why you are perceived=
 by the educated masses as stupid.=20
8) Nobody cares if you think your band is better. They might be louder, the=
y might march in neat little zig zags, but they have no musical ability. Th=
e point is, nobody cares who wins halftime. Quit getting geeked up about ma=
rching bands. I find it hard to believe you stood through your high school =
band's entire halftime performance. And why? Cause nobody cared then and no=
body cares now. Plus, you can hear them fine sitting down even if you do ca=
re. Why is it cool all of a sudden now that you're in college?=20
9) Men should never let out high pitched whooping sounds. Perhaps the only =
justifiable situation in which this can be tolerated is perhaps during an a=
nal probe. Oh wait...I understand now.=20
10) Dogs are not ladies. They don't look or smell like ladies. Dogs eat the=
ir own feces and should be treated accordingly.=20
11) Finally, College Station is an arm-pit of a town. Quit pretending that =
it is a great college town. It is a town and there is a college there. That=
 should be the end of this comparison. If you feel that life doesn't get an=
y better than the Dixie Chicken, and enjoy being stuck in a never ending "D=
ukes of Hazard" episode, then move there. More importantly, don't move to A=
ustin.....they are trying to create an educated, technological, and open mi=
nded population base. Austin is, and will continue to be, the birthplace an=
d final resting place of all that is cool. As my friend Stephen Johnson onc=
e said: "If the world were ever to get an enema, College Station is where y=
ou would connect the hose." If you go to school at A&M, please don't be an =
Aggie.
juan.hernandez@enron.com, jeffrey.miller@enron.com, gerald.gilbert@enron.com