Fw: Fw: Travel Advice from the Texas Tourism Bureau ,
 ---------------------- Forwarded by Tracy Geaccone/GPGFIN/Enron on 02/05/20=
01 02:26 PM ---------------------------


"Jack Hurst" <hurst@intur.net> on 01/24/2001 12:05:08 PM
To:=09"Wayne Guidry" <Guidry_Wayne@emc.com>, <Tracy.Geaccone@enron.com>, "L=
ou and Kathleen Dionne" <lkdionne@olypen.com>, "Hurst, Julie A" <Hurst.Juli=
e@emeryworld.com>, "Dianne Costa" <gdsown@airmail.net>
cc:=09=20

Subject:=09Fw: Fw: Travel Advice from the Texas Tourism Bureau



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Sent: Wednesday, January 24, 2001 11:38 AM
Subject: Fwd: Fw: Travel Advice from the Texas Tourism Bureau



>         Travel Bulletin from the Texas Tourism Bureau


>The new Texas White House in Crawford, Texas, will soon be drawing a
>numberof people to that area and other areas of the south, including many
>who are not used to southern hospitality, like Yankee, liberal reporters.
>They might find useful the following travel advice issued by the Texas
> > Tourism Bureau to all visiting Northerners and Northeastern Urbanites:
>
> > >> >1)    Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House.
>It's
> > >> >just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day.  Let them cook
> > >something
> > >> >they know.  If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
>
> > >> >2)    Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubby,
Bobby
> > >Ray, Tammy Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.).  Or we will just HAV=
E
to
> > >kick your ass.
> > >> >
> > >> >3)    Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down
>here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr.
> > Pepper, 7-Up or whatever - it's still a Coke.  Accept it.  Doing
> otherwise can
> > >lead to an ass kicking.
> > >> >
> > >> >4)    We know our heritage.  Most of us are more literate than you
>(e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generall=
y
>a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or ee'll kick
>your ass.
> > >> >
> > >> >5)    We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex,
> > >Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape, Dell computers).
> Naturally, we do sometimes, have small
>lapses in judgment (e.g., Carter, Duke, Barnes, Clinton).  We don't
>care if you think we are dumb.  We are not dumb enough to let someone move
to
> > our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that,
we
> > >would CERTAINLY kick their ass.
> > >> >
> > >> >6)    Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments.  If Lee had listened
to
> > >> >Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending
Pickett
>up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington.
>
> > >> >
> > >> >7)    We are fully aware of how hot the weather is in August, so
> shut the hell
> > >up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick
> your ass.
> > >> >
> > >> >8)    Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will
>instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God
intended-with
> > >gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.
> > >> >
> > >> >9)    Don't talk about how much better things are at home because w=
e
> > know better.  Many of us have visited Northern hell-holes like Detroit,
> > >Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars and the notches on our pistols
> to prove it.  If you don't like it here,
> >Delta is ready when you are.  Move your ass on home before it gets
> kicked up between your shoulders and you have to take off your shirt to
shit!
> > >> >
> > >> >10)    Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way
> > because we don't want to sound like you.  We don't care if you don't
>understand what we are saying.  All other Southerners understand what we
are
> > saying,and that's all that matters.  Now, go away and leave us alone, o=
r
>we'llkick your ass.
> > >> >
> > >> >11)    Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted.  None o=
f
>OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently.  If you whine about OUR
> > scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.
> > >> >
> > >> >12)    Don't ridicule our Southern manners.  We say sir and ma'am.
We
> > >hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because
such
> > >things are expected of civilized people.  Behave yourselves around our
> sweet
> > >> >little grey-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into
your
> > >ass just like they did ours.
> > >> >
> > >> >13)    So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live
in
> > the countryside?  That's because we have enough sense to not live in
>filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make
fun
>of our fresh air, and we'll kick your sorry ass.
> > >> >
> > >> >14) Nothing in California is Southern, so if you come down here,
don't
> > >> >think you're one of us just because you say you're from Southern
> > >> >California. Your Mexicans didn't invent low riders, ours did.  And
the
> > >food is Tex Mex.  It isn't Cal Mex.  You haven't contributed anything
to
> > >South so don't try to take or we'll kick your ass.
> > >> >
> > >> >15)    Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell
us
> > how to barbecue.  This will get your ass shot (right after it is
kicked).
> >You're lucky we let you come down here at all.  Criticize our
>barbeque, and you will go home in a pine box.  Minus your ass.
> > >> >
> > >> >_________________________________________________________________
> > >> >Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >> >
> > >>
> > >
> > >
> >
> > =7F
> >
jon.trevelise@enron.com