FW: Quote for the day, #1,246. ,
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To: Lokey, Teb; Kilmer III, Robert
Subject: FW: Quote for the day, #1,246.


=20
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Subject: Quote for the day, #1,246.


"The ground war in Afghanistan hotted up yesterday when the Allies revealed=
 plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers int=
o the country to destroy the morale of Taleban zealots by proving the non-e=
xistence of God.
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Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade, or 'Black Berets', will =
be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency and existe=
ntial anomie among the enemy. Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fou=
ght during their long occupation of Paris's Left Bank, their first action w=
ill be to establish a number of pavement cafes at strategic points near the=
 front lines. There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the ab=
surd nature of life and man's lonely isolation in the universe. They will b=
e accompanied by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girlfriends who will=
 further spread dismay by sticking their tongues in the philosophers' ears =
every five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to everyone else.
=20
Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his confidence=
 in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, a very intens=
e and unshaven young man in a black pullover, gesticulated wildly and said,=
 'The Taleban are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous. There=
 is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliet, I am=
 talking.' Marc-Ange plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on man's nausea=
ting freedom of action with special reference to the work of Foucault and t=
he films of Alfred Hitchcock.=20
=20
However, humanitarian agencies have been quick to condemn the operation as =
inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive smoking from the Frenchm=
en's endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in the area.=
=20
 =20
Speculation was mounting last night that Britain may also contribute to the=
 effort by dropping Professor Stephen Hawking into Afghanistan to propagate=
 his non-deistic theory of the creation of the universe.=20
 =20
Other tactics to demonstrate the non-existence of God will include the drop=
ping of leaflets pointing out the fact that Michael Jackson has a new album=
 out and Oprah Winfrey has not died yet.
 =20
This is only one of several Psy-Ops operations mounted by the Allies to und=
ermine the unswerving religious fanaticism that fuels the Taleban's fightin=
g spirit. Pentagon sources have recently confirmed rumours that America has=
 already sent in a 200-foot-tall robot Jesus, which roams the Taleban front=
 lines glowing eerily and shooting flames out of its fingers while saying, =
'I am the way, the truth and the life, follow me or die.' However, plans to=
 have the giant Christ kick the crap out of a slightly effeminate 80-foot M=
ohammed in central Kabul were discarded as insensitive to Muslim allies."
=20
Michael Kelly, British independent "blogger" (not the WaPo columnist / edit=
or of the Atlantic), "French Intellectuals to be Deployed in Afghanistan To=
 Convince Taleban of Non-Existence of God,"  <http://www.michaelkelly.fsnet=
.co.uk/exis.htm>, 3/7/02.
craig.buehler@enron.com