Fw: Jim Lehrer interviews Gore and Bush ,
 ---------------------- Forwarded by Darron C Giron/HOU/ECT on 10/25/2000 
11:13 AM ---------------------------


Jeffrey C Gossett
10/25/2000 11:04 AM
To: Dawn C Kenne/HOU/ECT@ECT, Darron C Giron/HOU/ECT@ECT, William 
Kelly/HOU/ECT@ECT
cc:  
Subject: Fw: Jim Lehrer interviews Gore and Bush

This is pretty funny.
---------------------- Forwarded by Jeffrey C Gossett/HOU/ECT on 10/25/2000 
11:03 AM ---------------------------


"Josh Fetner" <jfetner@ev1.net> on 10/23/2000 11:33:23 AM



> Jim Lehrer: Welcome to the second presidential debate
> between Vice President Al Gore and Gov. George W. Bush.
> The candidates have agreed on  these rules: I will ask a question.
> The candidate will ignore the question and deliver rehearsed
> remarks designed to appeal to undecided women voters.
>
> The opponent will then have one minute to respond by
> trying to frighten senior citizens into voting for him. When a
> speaker's time has expired, I will whimper softly while he
> continues to spew incomprehensible statistics for three
> more minutes.
>
> Let's start with the vice president. Mr. Gore, can you
> give us the name of a downtrodden citizen and then tell us
> his or her story in a way that strains the bounds of common
> sense?
>
> Gore: As I was saying to Tipper last night after we tenderly made
> love the way we have so often during the 30 years of our rock-solid
> marriage, the downtrodden have a clear choice in this election.
>
> My opponent wants to cut taxes for the richest 1 percent of
> Americans. I, on the other hand, want to put the richest 1 percent in
> an ironclad lockbox so they can't hurt old people like Roberta
> Frampinhamper, who is here tonight.
>
> Mrs. Frampinhamper has been selling her internal organs, one by one,
> to pay for gas so that she can travel to these debates and personify
> problems for me. Also, her poodle has arthritis.
>
> Lehrer: Gov. Bush, your rebuttal.
>
> Bush: Governors are on the front lines every day, hugging people,
> crying with them, relieving suffering anywhere a photo opportunity
> exists.
>
> I want to empower those crying people to make their own
> decisions, unlike my opponent, whose mother is not Barbara Bush.
>
> Lehrer: Let's turn to foreign affairs. Gov. Bush, if Slobodan
> Milosevic were to launch a bid to return to power in Yugoslavia,
> would you be able to pronounce his name?
>
> Bush: The current administration had eight years to deal with that
> guy and didn't get it done. If I'm elected, the first thing I would
> do about that guy is have Dick Cheney confer with our allies. And
> then Dick would present me several options for dealing with that guy.
> And then Dick would tell me which one to choose. You know, as
> governor of Texas, I have to make tough foreign policy decisions
> every day about how we're going to deal with New Mexico.
>
> Lehrer: Mr. Gore, your rebuttal.
>
> Gore: Foreign policy is something I've always been keenly
> interested in. I served my country in Vietnam. I had an uncle who
> was a victim of poison gas in World War I. I myself lost a leg in the
> Franco-Prussian War. And when that war was over, I came
> home and tenderly made love to Tipper in a way that any undecided
> woman voter would find romantic.
> If I'm entrusted with the office of president, I pledge to deal
> knowledgeably with any threat, foreign or domestic, by putting it in
> an ironclad lockbox. Because the American people deserve a president
> who can comfort them with simple metaphors.
>
> Lehrer: Vice President Gore, how would you reform the Social Security
> system?
>
> Gore: It's a vital issue, Jim. That's why Joe Lieberman and I have
> proposed changing the laws of mathematics to allow us to give $50,000
> to every senior citizen without having it cost the federal treasury a
> single penny until the year 2250.
> In addition, my budget commits $60 trillion over the next 10 years to
> guarantee that all senior citizens can have drugs delivered free to
> their homes every Monday by a federal employee who will also help
> them with the child-proof cap.
>
> Lehrer: Gov. Bush?
>
> Bush: That's fuzzy math. I know, because as governor of Texas, I have
> to do math every day. I have to add up the numbers and decide whether
> I'm going to fill potholes out on Rt. 36 east of Abilene or commit
> funds to reroof the sheep barn at the Texas state fairgrounds.
>
> Lehrer: It's time for closing statements.
>
> Gore: I'm my own man. I may not be the most exciting politician, but
> I will fight for the working families of America, in addition to
> turning the White House into a lusty pit of marital love for Tipper
> and me.
>
> Bush: It's time to put aside the partisanship of the past by electing
> no one but Republicans.
> Lehrer: Good night.
>
>
phillip.love@enron.com, kristi.giron@cfisd.net, hollyw@email.msn.com, 