The User Is Drunk
Love it -<p>How about this as an alternative: The user is stuck in a very (corporate/government/sluggish) environment. I will review your site/app from a major bank's / federal government's offices and report back!<p>Or maybe this: The user is a 65 year old dad whose son doesn't come around often enough to ensure his father hasn't installed countless malware that he blames "internet" on. I will go to my dad's house and use his computer to browse your site/app and report back!<p>This list really should get longer, HN, I turn to you.