The Cube Rule (2017)
The idea that we should classify food by shape is clearly erroneous. Our food classifications should be based on <i>method of eating</i>, not by shape! A sandwich is any food that uses a carbohydrate to protect your hands from a messier food, so that you can eat it at a card table without getting your hands dirty (a la the origin myth). Let's go through the things here:<p>Pizza: Yes<p>Sushi: Mostly no (the carbs don't protect you from the insides, the seaweed does)<p>Pumpkin pie: No (unless eaten with hands, without falling apart)<p>Quesadilla: Yes<p>Toast sandwich: No (inside is not messier)<p>Victoria sponge: No (eaten with fork)<p>Hot dog: Yes<p>Sub sandwich: Yes<p>Slice of pie: No (unless eaten with hands)<p>Falafel wrap: Yes<p>Pigs in a blanket: Yes<p>Enchilada: No (the one pictured has cheese and sauce on the outside)<p>Quiche: No (unless eaten with hands)<p>Cheesecake: No (unless eaten with hands)<p>Soup bowl: No (I'd love to see you try)<p>Falafel pita: Yes<p>Deep dish pizza: If eaten with hands<p>Salad in a bread bowl: No<p>Key lime pie: No (unless eaten with hands)<p>Calzone: Yes<p>Corn dog: No (if held with stick)<p>Pie (whole): No (good luck)<p>Dumplings: Yes (unless they have sauce on them)<p>Pop tarts: Yes<p>Uncrustables: Yes<p>This is the best and most accurate method that actually provides a strict definition that lines up with my intuitions—the cube rule is fun, but you're really gonna claim that a subway sandwich isn't a sandwich?