The Night Watch (2013) [pdf]
MySQL: You want answers?<p>htop: I think I'm entitled.<p>MySQL: You want answers?<p>htop: I want the truth!<p>MySQL: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has data, and those data have to be queried by processes that takes load. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant htop?<p>I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for 4 cores and you curse the Queries. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that the core's load, while tragic, probably runned queries.<p>And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, runs queries. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that processor, you need me on that processor.<p>We use words like load average, slow running queries, query execution plan. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent developing db applications. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very database power that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it!<p>I would rather you just said, "Thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a server and run a query. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!:<p>htop: Did you order the Code SELECT * ?<p>MySQL: (quietly) I did the job I was sent to do--<p>htop: Did you order the Code SELECT * ?<p>MySQL: (shouting) You're goddamn right I did.<p>[stunned silence] htop: Please the court, I suggest the members be dismissed, so that we can move to an immediate article 'Use Redis' session. The witness has rights.