The Problem of Marital Loneliness
> Of course, we compromise: by taking turns, and by putting up with the fact that one of us is, to some degree, dragging the other along for the ride. But we can also tell that we are compromising, and that makes each of us feel sad, and somewhat alone.<p>This is actually the problem.  Compromise is when two people in an adversarial relationship both try to look out for themselves and inevitably walk away disappointed.<p>When two people view marriage as a self-giving endeavor, rather than a self-serving one, happiness follows.  You're happy to give and happy to be loved in return.<p>The trouble is for so many people, a mutually self-giving relationship is unthinkable.<p>I've been married for 15 years and my wife and I couldn't be more different.  I'm an engineer working on my second Masters degree and she has a high school diploma.  Our interests differ wildly but we're very happy because we both share a desire to serve and make the other one happy.  <i>Me first</i> is the problem.