How you 'attach' to people may explain a lot about your inner life
As someone who didn&#x27;t have many healthy attachments growing up and has spent a lot of time with a wide variation of therapies. I agree with the article, many different therapies can fix people and I’ve found it better to have more than one type of therapy. I believe at the root of it is a mindset which centres around the cultivation of self-leadership.<p>My multi-year long journey of what I learned and getting back to health - which most visibly manifested itself as CFS symptoms (Post exertional malaise) - can be summed up as:<p>Trusting the therapist and understanding they are not perfect humans themselves. Accepting they are not going to fix me, they are a companion on the journey, I must fix myself with their help.<p>Going on a journey through all major points in my past and re-experiencing what I&#x27;d been through. Whilst having the therapist with me to slowly help unfold the emotions and understand it from a different perspective (i.e. I did not cause the bad things that happened to me, it was not my fault).<p>This helped me build a foundation, a place of support that didn&#x27;t rely on other people, which gave me self-confidence to listen to the negative self-talk that I had blocked off for years, because it was too overwhelming to hear. When I started listening to this self-talk, I could then start to converse with it. e.g. &quot;You aren&#x27;t good enough&quot;, &quot;Perhaps I&#x27;m not, but let&#x27;s see what happens when I apply my focus to it&quot;,  which started taking away its power and effect over me.<p>Which led me to realising that my intellect and conscious part of my mind is probably only in control of 20%-30% of me. That I&#x27;m not a fully logically creature and that I needed to come to peace with my body&#x27;s needs and messages from my less conscious mind and work together as an integrated whole, rather than trying to force my will based on pure &#x27;rational&#x27; thought.<p>Life has been considerably better since and my decades of depression and low energy have begun to abate.<p>Whilst the points may seem simple, understanding like this rarely comes from knowing in the conscious mind. It is understanding that has to be understood at a deep level, which is why therapy can take a long time. My favourite way of describing this conscious acceptance but lack of sub-conscious understanding can be summed up as: “I know that, but try telling me that”.