Ask HN: Beating depression with or without anti-depressants?
This is my story. I hope it helps.<p>A few years ago now, I went through the most traumatic experience of my life. In a moment, all of my thoughts about how life was, is or was going to be were shattered.<p>I didn&#x27;t sleep a full night for about a year following. From that moment on, I was in the grips of the most terrible depression - mixed with anxiety - I&#x27;ve ever faced. I woke up every day feeling that my life was worthless. I wanted it to be over. I cried most days. I was trapped in endless rumination (and I mean endless - nearly all my waking days, and nightmares continued on the same themes). I felt that I may be going insane. I could not imagine how I&#x27;d ever move forward. I felt like I was in a hellish &#x27;Groundhog Day&#x27;, nothing changing. Barely making it through work, through time with my children. I&#x27;d cry just thinking of how terrible it was to be this way around my children - that they&#x27;d be subjected to a father who couldn&#x27;t pull himself out of the darkness.<p>After a few months of agony, I decided to try Zoloft. I couldn&#x27;t make it past the 3rd day. The anxiety was too much, and I was terrified of what would happen to me on &quot;ssris&quot;. Instead, over the ensuing months, I did multiple solo and guided mushroom experiences. I tried MDMA (in therapeutic sessions). I tried Ketamine. I did almost 2 years of therapy. I tried Buproprion (which I remained on, on the lowest dose, at the request of my doctor - despite it having no discernable impact). Countless books, supplements, diet, exercise, sleep. Nothing made the slightest difference. I woke up every day and viscerally felt that I hated my life.<p>I was terrified to trying SSRIs, because of the fear of sexual side effects, and all of the nightmare stuff I&#x27;d read countless sleepless nights reading medication reviews (brain zaps, etc).<p>Then, a few months ago now - after speaking at length with a friend who suffers from bi-polar, who depends on medication to function (and is grateful it&#x27;s available) - I made a decision: I was not going to let fear of unknowns decide my future. I decided that, if there was a chance my life might improve - that I might be able to reduce my suffering be even 10% - that it&#x27;d be worth it. Not just for me, but for my family.<p>I decided to commit to trying Zoloft again - this time at the smallest dose available (25 mg). I figured, the worst that could happen is that it wouldn&#x27;t work, and that I&#x27;d stop taking it.<p>I had no side effects to speak of. Within 3 weeks, I noticed a slight change. I wasn&#x27;t ruminating as much. I found myself wanting to go out for a walk. I was able to play with my daughter for an hour - and enjoy it. I felt something might be shifting, but I didn&#x27;t want to &quot;jinx&quot; it.<p>However, by the 6-8 week mark, it was undeniable. I was laughing again. I was able to sit down and watch a movie, without needing to saturate myself with intense stimuli (ie: competitive video games) just to keep the rumination at bay. I was able to read for pleasure. It was remarkable.<p>Now, 3 months later, I almost don&#x27;t remember what I felt like before. While I have moments in each day where the traumatic experience rises up, it just passes. I can let it go. I&#x27;m not riddled by anxiety. My therapist is blown away by the change. I actual look forward to my job now. I enjoy things. I have my life back. It feels like a miracle.<p>I&#x27;m still on the smallest dose, have encountered zero side effects, and feel no need to increase.<p>I would never tell anyone what to do with their life and health. But for 2 years I listened to the fear instilled in me via internet forums, articles, etc - people all demonizing SSRIs. I went through absolute hell.<p>I wish I&#x27;d committed to giving them a shot earlier.<p>I am so insanely grateful for SSRIs. They have saved my life.