Ask HN: Why does thinking about moving homes give me a panic attack?
I was a wife and homemaker for a lot of years, so some thoughts:<p>I was married about 16 years before it finally sank in with my husband that when he dropped his dirty clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper, it left me in the position that I could either pick up after him or just be in a messy space all day. So, it was a lose-lose situation for me. I was home a lot more than him and this was where my work was done. It would be kind of like if I went to his place of employment and dumped dirty clothes on his desk.<p>Whether your wife has a job or not, the odds are good that she is doing more of the house work and child rearing than you are. That doesn&#x27;t necessarily mean you need a bigger house, but it does mean that if she is not happy with the house, it is not a good idea to be all &quot;meh -- not like she will divorce me over this.&quot;<p>Men typically have very different priorities than women and the work you have been doing on the house may in no way meet her needs. It may be possible to make this house work for all involved parties, but you likely have blind spots as to what she needs. A good kitchen and laundry area can make the women&#x27;s work vastly less burdensome. If your entertainment area is awesome, but her work spaces are terrible, this may be a case that it bothers you less than her because you have completely different experiences of the same house.<p>Since this issue persists, it really would not be a bad idea to get some professional mediation rather than asking HN.