Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life
While perhaps a loaded suggestion, if you have the tolerance for it, I’d suggest attending a church. You can utilize the social aspect without fully committing to the spiritual aspects.<p>The reason I suggest it is because of it’s role as the post-college college where you can build deep relationships and people of all ages are genuinely wanting to network specifically to build a community. They’re not doing happy hours etc. to boost their social capital, they’re in it for the long haul. Also, building relationships with people of all ages is extremely important and rewarding&#x2F;fulfilling.<p>I agree with moving to a city or trying to tap into more social stuff. But i also find those relationships to be quite shallow.  You bounce around a lot from one shallow connection to another. Dinner once&#x2F;twice a month with group A. A group to play a sport with on Saturday Afternoon. Another group to do X scheduled event with on cadence Y. For me, and my wife, we found ourselves in that pattern in our 30s. She had her friend circles&#x2F;silos and I had mine and then we had the a third type of circle for us as a couple. It was nearly impossible for these to overlap. Why would her floral design hobby girls be interested in attending a heavy metal concert with some of my metal head friends.<p>We missed having deeper friendships. We always used the example of of how when we were younger and not even necessarily coupled at the time we both had friends that just popped in our houses. Never had to be planned or for any purpose. They were always welcomed and were just a constant in our lives. Going to church helped us build those types of friendships.<p>I’m not even spiritual and I avoid a lot of the overly churchy parts. I do agree with the high level value&#x2F;moral systems being promoted and enjoy the sermon parts. I look for the speaker who delivers nearly secular messages. It can feel like a life lesson or motivational speech that’s based on teachings of whatever book they believe in.