Ask HN: I regret my marriage. What to do?
What you haven&#x27;t said is why you regret marriage, or why you prefer to be single.  What&#x27;s the problem?<p>I was in a dishonest marriage for about 6 months, to allow my partner to finish their studies.  But, my partner was abusive and I&#x27;d withdrawn from the relationship to protect myself and nobody thought we had a perfect relationship.  By the time I ended it, there was no surprise, because of how I&#x27;d withdrawn.  Ultimately, I think I did the right thing by making it a gradual retreat.<p>We tried counseling.  We each did individual counseling, and we did couples counseling together.  All of our counselors, except their individual counselor, told us that their behavior was abusive.  The relationship didn&#x27;t improve, and my partner didn&#x27;t want to put the work in.  But I learned a lot about communication, and that has made relationships easier (also, I learned a <i>ton</i> of red flags that I had previously overlooked, and grew a spine to quickly reject&#x2F;dump people who display those flags).<p>So, I don&#x27;t think that it automatically makes you a bad person if you keep pretending.  But it&#x27;s an awful solution, and from where I stand, a couple of years is a really long time.  You should really try counseling, at least individual counseling.  Figure out what you actually need.  It might just be more space, and she might be willing to give you that.  Try couples counseling, and check the assumptions that are built into your relationship.  It might just be that you need to tweak some stuff, and she&#x27;ll probably want to play along.<p>&gt; I am sure I want to break up and be single again - and very likely remain single forever, I can&#x27;t understand how many men can marry twice.<p>I don&#x27;t buy that, unless you&#x27;re asexual and aromantic.  People tend to find love, if they&#x27;re looking for it or not.  And, not just men re-marry.  If my experience is at all typical, a second marriage works better than the first because the first was foolish.<p>&gt; Main problem is that she still depends on me financially.<p>This sounds quite insensitive, and I wonder if you&#x27;re considering the emotional aspect of this.  I strongly recommend counseling.  Many of us here are on the spectrum, and have difficulty processing the emotions of ourselves and others without deliberate study.