On Being a Black Man
It seems to me that many (but not all) of the experiences he describes here are things that most of us go through. He can attribute them to his skin color, but really, most people are outsiders in one way or another, and sometimes feel awkward about how well we fit in with various groups. So I&#x27;m inclined to attribute some of his concerns to being just the normal (if unfortunate) human condition.<p>Even as a middle-aged guy, I sometimes feel that the seat next to me is the one people are avoiding. And I&#x27;ve <i>definitely</i> seen moms grab their little girl and march away when I smile at them (the little girl, that is; and then my smile melts from sorrow at the world we live in).<p>I&#x27;ve been guilty of accidentally referring to one gay guy at work by the name of another gay guy (and it was pointed out to me later by a third person). But the thing is, they both held the same position at different times, and <i>that</i> confusion over their roles was the actual cause of my mistake. Surely it&#x27;s not necessarily their sexual preference (or skin color in the case of the article) that&#x27;s serving as an alternate identifier.<p>I feel awkward when people talk about sports (I&#x27;m just not interested and so have no knowledge) or popular culture like TV (I don&#x27;t even have cable TV).<p>Now, it&#x27;s not right to sweep all of his concerns under the carpet. I&#x27;m sure that some of it really is racial in nature. But I&#x27;m equally sure that some of it is just normal. And because it&#x27;s not possible for us to live the experience of the other, I can&#x27;t actually see what it&#x27;s like to be him, and he can&#x27;t see the awkwardness that I and others experience.<p>I&#x27;m sad that we&#x27;re in a position where racial bias seems a reasonable default explanation for such things. But I&#x27;m also sad that people also continue to make accusations of racism, because it also hurts to be on the receiving end. I&#x27;d have to admit for myself that I sometimes have impure <i>thoughts</i>, but I honestly do my best to make my <i>actions</i> correct.<p>At the end of the day, I think the only way to get past this is for <i>everyone</i> to be color blind. We need to guard against acting out of bias. But on the other side, those people potentially on the receiving end need to get past it, too. It&#x27;s not fair. But unless we let it be water under the bridge, the bad feelings will keep passing back and forth like a pingpong ball.