Ask HN: I'm So Lonely
Offering my own advice because some of the other replies would have really harmed me.<p>Listening is a skill, but you cannot feign interest when you have none. It will teach you to be recessive conversationally, and people will walk all over you. I suggest practicing active listening when a subject is interesting to you - but do not force it. People will start to think that they can use you as a sounding board for anything, which makes you feel like you don&#x27;t respect yourself - because you&#x27;ve cornered yourself by forcing yourself to listen to things that are uninteresting.<p>Sometimes you can find people who notice that you&#x27;re practicing active listening, and they&#x27;ll practice it back - in the real world, this sort of person is rare. When you find someone like that, you should notice them, and pursue their friendship.<p>Do not read &quot;how to win friends and influence people&quot; - that book is mentally damaging imho, and only helps to reinforce the idea that you must feign interest in order to win friends.<p>Here are some social rules that I live by:<p>- no feigning interest, it&#x27;s disrespectful<p>- express genuine interest or excitement, always<p>- hang out with people i don&#x27;t want to be around<p>- no holding back the desire to be around someone more often (LET THEM KNOW)<p>- tell my friends that i love them<p>- unless i feel a resounding HELL YES about a commitment, i do not make it<p>First of all, get a weekly hobby. Show up every time it happens for a month. the friends will come. Choose a hobby that&#x27;s active - group hikes, bike rides, rock climbing, etc. Active hobbies bond people in ways that inactive hobbies do not, and will give you a lot of funny stories to tell. Take that risk and get yourself out there!<p>If that doesn&#x27;t work, try a meditation group or church - contrary to popular opinion, you&#x27;ll find that most spiritual practices really promote active listening, and help people become known &amp; expressive.