Everywhere and Nowhere: A Journey Through Suicide
To be human is the ability to defy our instincts.  From the simplistic &quot;I choose not to eat&quot;, to the extraordinary &quot;I choose to end my life.&quot;<p>I strongly believe that suicide is only a cultural taboo, and thus it is &#x27;safe&#x27; to label it as a mental illness.<p>I have struggled with wanting to end my life for 35+ years. &quot;Talking about it&quot; does not work.  Medication&#x2F;Meditation&#x2F;Mediation has not helped.  To put it simply; I do not wish to exist.<p>I tried to kill myself once.  [Dammit i suck at everything! &#x2F;joke]
Not a single day goes by where I don&#x27;t think about doing it again.  I regret failing.<p>And yet I get up and go to work every day.  There is a momentum to living.  It is just a habit.  I take no pleasure from my hobbies.  I no longer have solace within peace and quiet.  I am unable to escape in the written word.<p>If I could end my life and know my family would be cared for financially I would in a heartbeat.  My obligations keep me alive, and it is a torture.<p>I am surrounded by people who love me, and would be devastated by my death.<p>As near as I can tell, this is the meaning of life; and I want it to end.