Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?
(1) People.<p>I paid full tuition in my course to get
some understanding of people.<p>Dad had some understanding, and Mom was
really good at it, but neither tried very
hard to teach me.<p>In particular:<p>[i] Boys and girls, men and women are very
different.<p>(A) The cliche that boys pay attention to
things and girls, to people is not fully
true but significantly often is true.<p>(B) Once from a real expert I got a flat
statement:  &quot;Of COURSE, women are MUCH
more emotional than men.  That is the
cause of all the problems.&quot;.  That
answered a lot of questions!<p>(C) A large fraction of girls and women tend
to be afraid -- the list is long with some
standard items and some more.  One of the
more important things a boy&#x2F;man can do is
make it really clear to the female that
they are at zero risk with him.<p>(D) Generally girls&#x2F;women are exposed to some
means of manipulation, and some of them
get good at it -- boys&#x2F;men need to watch
out for that.<p>(E) Some girls are afraid of being in love
(there is a lot to understanding love, and
I can&#x27;t cover all of it here) but, still,
are very interested in sex.  For them,
holding hands can be more intimate than
sexual intercourse.  Boys&#x2F;men need to
realize that.<p>[ii] A surprisingly large fraction of
people are in some significant ways
seriously <i>mixed up</i>.  So, watch out for
that.  Also have a list of common ways and
watch out for those.<p>(2) Business<p>It took me way too long to understand the
importance of business, even just
small&#x2F;medium business, as a path to being
financially responsible and maybe even
secure.<p>In particular, for a good job in the
economy as an employee, there has to be up
there somewhere some person(s) who did
well enough in business to have created
that job.<p>So, being an employee is limited by the
jobs other people create.  It is better to
be the person who is successful enough in
business to create good jobs.<p>E.g., at one time I had a <i>relatively</i>
good career going as just an employee in
computing.  Then (A) I didn&#x27;t appreciate
how that career would have to change or
how to make that career a lot better,
e.g., by starting a business or being such
a good employee that I could get stock in
a growing company.  (B) To be better
qualified as an employee, I got a Ph.D. in
pure&#x2F;applied math.  I didn&#x27;t appreciate
that in fact, in reality, in the US, a
Ph.D. is intended for people who want to
be devoted to an academic career and put
up with being, in my view, financially
irresponsible.  I had zero interest in
being a professor.<p>The academic work and my independent study
are crucial parts of my startup, but the
Ph.D. was a very inefficient way to get
some help on some of the parts.  I
conclude that, generally, a Ph.D. is more
trouble than it is worth and financially
irresponsible.  Learning can be important,
but a Ph.D. is an inefficient way to do
it.<p>(3) Stock<p>At one time the founder, CEO of FedEx told
me<p>&quot;You know, if you stay you are in line for
$500,000 in FedEx stock.&quot;<p>I was holding a really good hand but
didn&#x27;t know enough to play it at all well.<p>I didn&#x27;t stay.<p>My father understood even less than I did.
Mom, didn&#x27;t have a clue.<p>(4) Art<p>In high school and through college, the
teaching kept trying to get me to pay
attention to art, especially literature.
I didn&#x27;t see the value.  And the <i>lessons</i>
in literature were not very credible, that
is, I could not trust that they would
really be true, say, like Newton&#x27;s Second
Law.<p>For art, I like the definition --<p>&quot;The communication, interpretation of
human experience, emotion.&quot;<p>With that definition, okay -- via art can
get some views of examples of the
experiences, emotions of other people.
Maybe sometimes the examples do illustrate
something about a lot of people and not
just some one.<p>With that definition, I might have paid a
little more attention to literature and
gotten a little value from it.<p>Being successful with people is CRUCIAL,
and understanding their possible
experiences, emotions can be important for
the success.<p>For me and art, I liked music a lot right
away, some before I was 5. Explaining just
why took me a while!<p>(5) Jobs and Marriage<p>Apparently some of the prosperity of the
US now is due to having a lot of women
working.<p>A lot of career paths require moving
frequently.  But those moves can play
havoc with a marriage having two jobs.
And with only one job, it can be tough
financially to buy a house and do well
supporting the family.<p>Lesson:  A career that does not require
moving has a big advantage in being
financially secure and doing well
supporting a family.<p>So, if you want to pursue a career that
has you move or be in some really
expensive place to live, then consider
delaying getting married.<p>(6) Gossip<p>In an office, and maybe in much of a life,
gossip can be a threat.<p>In an office, if you do well, then others
can feel threatened and attack you with
gossip.<p>So, apparently it is not enough to assume
you are innocent until proven guilty and
instead need positively to assert
innocence on likely gossip accusations.<p>I&#x27;m no expert on how to defend against
gossip, finding a good expert could be
important, but I&#x27;m sure that gossip
commonly is a threat.  So, watch out for
gossip.  If it appears you have been
attacked by gossip, then (ask an expert)
do defend yourself.