How to resolve a conflict when both sides are right
When I see people teaching &quot;non-violent&quot; communication, I become disappointed with their selfishness and inability to empathize with other people. I don&#x27;t need anything from them, but I mark them well so that I understand that I will have to constantly have word-duels with them when they come to me with their passive-aggressive bullshit.<p>&gt; When you didn’t bring me a cup of coffee, I felt disappointed because I have a need for inclusion. Please, could you get me a coffee next time?<p>No. Fuck you. Get your own fucking coffee. How to phrase this in the workplace: &quot;No.&quot;<p>&gt; Suppose product development has slowed down, reported bugs have increased 30% since last month, and sprint velocity is down by 40%. Your engineer is feeling desperately unhappy and is terrified of building new features because of the risk to the system as a whole. They want to stop building new features and refactor some of the system architecture. But what do you think their unmet universal need is here?<p>From your list, they need <i>respect</i>, <i>empathy</i>, <i>space</i>, and <i>understanding</i>. They need for you, the manager, to fuck off and give them space to not work on features.<p>&gt; The sales director explains that the prospect said, ‘If you had a reporting dashboard, I’d close the deal right now.’ The director is concerned that they’ll miss out on the deal without this feature, and feels altogether rather helpless.<p>The sales director needs to learn to fucking code. They need to understand that their pressure is going to cause engineers to quit.<p>&gt; What possible solutions are safe and fun for engineering, and give the sales director more independence and support?<p>Do <i>you</i> know how to fucking code? I suspect not. You sound horribly incompetent, and worse, you sound like you encourage others in their incompetence. Engineering isn&#x27;t about having fun; pay attention to your metrics, disregard features, focus on bugs. Sales does not need more independence; they already are selling far beyond engineering&#x27;s capacity, and they need to knock it the fuck off.<p>The worst part of all of this is that you are probably well-compensated for this work, despite the fact that it promulgates systems which abuse and ignore the needs of laborers and consumers alike. When you are a word-weaseling suit-wearing grey-faced rent-seeking labor-harming parasite, I feel disappointed because I expect better moral and ethical behavior from humans. Would you be able to fucking knock this shit off already?