Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)
For anybody learning to say &quot;no&quot; currently - learn to say &quot;no&quot; gently and kindly. I&#x27;m quite bad at this myself. I let people impose stuff on me, and once I have had enough, I have a very rude way of telling people off. One reason for this rudeness is a fear that I will lose something when declining (e.g. a relationship or money), so I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place - I don&#x27;t want to help, but I feel I should not decline. Most of the times, my rudeness while finally saying &quot;no&quot; is out of place, e.g. when my fiance needs something from me that actually makes sense, or a customer who needs some small task that they would actually pay for.<p>Watching other people (esp my fiance) saying &quot;no&quot; ever so gently has me wondering how easy life could be if I were able to do the same. I&#x27;m practicing it, and I think I&#x27;m getting better at it. Telling the other person the root cause why you say &quot;no&quot; helps a lot to instill empathy for your situation. The root cause always stems from a need or necessity that you currently have, like need for rest&#x2F;food&#x2F;time to think&#x2F;time to finish this or that task properly&#x2F;... Even if you are lazy and simply don&#x27;t want to help right now, remember that this laziness also fulfils one of your needs - probably you need to rest or think.<p>ADDED: Telling people that you just cannot help _right now_ also softens the blow. Also, if it&#x27;s a customer then delaying might even be more beneficial than just declining - you might need the billable hours in the following week.