The impact of sexual abuse on female development: a longitudinal study
There are many men who suffer through sexless marriages for 20, 30 years or more because their partner was victimized as a child.  (I&#x27;d assume that some women also have similar problems because their man was abused.)<p>Such a man can work really hard to please and love a woman and try to create feelings of safety.  They might blame themselves,  thinking that it&#x27;s because of that argument they had this morning,  or yesterday, or last week,  or two years ago,  or the time the bed collapsed when they were having sex 25 years ago.  But no, the woman doesn&#x27;t feel safe because of something that happened 40 years ago that didn&#x27;t have anything to do with them.  The need for safety is a bottomless pit. Maybe the woman sees that the man is trying really hard and fakes a response but it&#x27;s not real and the man sees that and it never blossoms into real mutual satisfaction.<p>It&#x27; s completely frustrating because the woman has adjusted well to being asexual.  Perhaps she could struggle through three years of therapy to attempt to change,  but it is unlikely to be effective because she&#x27;s not doing it for herself.  The man,  on the other hand,  might be willing to plumb the depths of hell or storm the gates of heaven to change things but it&#x27;s pushing on a string.<p>(If the man has been traumatized by child bullying and subsequent sexual invisibility, rejection and being shut out from dating in high school they can be re-traumatized continuously by this demonstration that they are unlovable.)<p>I was reading about how the actor Danny Masterson had drugged and raped women,  stealing their sexuality not just from them but from their partners.  Thus a single act of abuse affects not just the direct victim but their lovers,  their children,  and many others in the community.<p>In the past two years we&#x27;ve seen a normalization of doing things over video and there has been an explosion in things like camgirling and OnlyFans -- many of the performers are people who had their sexuality distorted by abuse and I&#x27;m sure than many of the men who become victims of it (paying $1000 for a jar of farts,  spending $80 for an Aella video) have themselves been victimized ) or are suffering because their partner or potential partners were abused.