Daddy isn’t coming back
I have schizoaffective bipolar disorder, and aspergers. I was making $130,000 a year as a network engineer at Cisco in 1999 before I became too sick to work anymore. Right now I am homeless living in my van with a transmission about to go. I have attempted suicide three times already. I keep thinking about doing it again. No one wants to provide me the best medicine, stable housing. I make $1700 on disability but I can never save enough for a deposit. So what is the point. The fact that I cannot get housing just proves no one cares.<p>And through all this I keep up my research on my familial disease, pressuring doctors to at least do some tests. I am pretty sure, looking at my genetics, I actually have a mitochondrial disorder. This is an easy test, but they will never do it. They just keep focusing on the same old pathways and that is why there is no progress.<p>The medications? They do nothing but make me worse. They usually give me drug induced lupus or just make me more suicidal the next day. The only one I can rely on is Klonopin, it works great but I do not take it everyday adn I only take a very low dose, the lowest that works. And every time I get a new doctor I face the stigma of being a drug seeker. Luckily, that is not so much of a problem anymore.<p>Now iwth COVID, everyone thinks they haev a mood disoder but in reality it is just situational, but they take up all the appointments so now mine are getting pushed further apart.<p>My nephew hung himself at 14 years old after a doctor thought he had ADHD and gave him ritalin. It was a misdiagnosis.<p>If you do not have a serious mental illness you have no idea how bad the treatments are and how they ignore any other issues you have in your body. We are the garbage people in this age but we probably used to be the shaman.<p>So all I can do now is drink a bit to escape, its a great drugs, an awesome calcium channel blocker.<p>Oh well, that&#x27;s enough of that. Just wanted to share.