Abuse and the developing human brain (2000)
Throughout childhood, I was subjected to serious physical abuse by my peers, as well as serious verbal bullying&#x2F;psychological abuse.<p>I stood up to a long term bully with a below-the-belt comment, which led to extremely violent abuse from peers. One of the last incidents was on the property of a town police officer, before high school started (around 12 yrs old). The police officer stood by while I was horribly beat up (punched full blast to my balls) by a scumbag with a group of people behind him.<p>The physical abuse included acute trauma from repeated impacts via punches and full strength kicks to my head. Saw stars every time I was hit, like those old Batman comics.<p>I entered high school as a broken child with cemented learned helplessness. Never the same.<p>Now homeless and destitute. I became permanently suicidal after grade school, totally afraid of death. Trapped in an unwanted life. Just went homeless yet again last night suddenly. The one shelter here seems like a psyop of sorts: in view of wealthy people, under blinding bright lights. Fodder for the wealthy, like a dystopian plot in popular Netflix shows.<p>I now suffer from tinnitus and hyperacusis picked up from overexposure. I am a destitute middle aged white male college dropout. Suicidal all of the time. This time going homeless I have no vehicle to sleep in. It&#x27;s warm here but I am unsheltered. Demoralized, defeated, and hoping to die.<p>I beg of God to forgive me and grant me peace in the afterlife, whether I am able to complete suicide now or later.