Your heart rate at gunpoint
I couldn&#x27;t identify with this story at all. If this happened to me - and it has in the past - I wouldn&#x27;t think about any of that stuff. I&#x27;d just want them to finish me off.<p>I&#x27;m thirty years old, and I feel like if I was shot dead for some pointless reason like my ancient Moto G phone and whatever pittance of money I had on me, I&#x27;d not feel bad about it at all. I&#x27;m not currently working because I&#x27;ve had some health problems over the past year, getting back into work is an impossible maze of we&#x27;ll-call-you-backs, send-us-your-CV-and-we&#x27;ll-get-back-to-yous, we&#x27;ll-keep-you-on-files, jobs with hundreds of applications, waiting for emails and calls that never come.<p>I feel like I&#x27;m a person too far in this part of the world, like there are too many people for the resources available and all I&#x27;m doing is taking up space, a sack of meat using up resources and contributing nothing. My dreams are modest - a minimum wage job and a small, private place to live - and yet they seem unattainable. Getting myself killed wouldn&#x27;t bring any regrets for me, I wouldn&#x27;t regret that I never got to live out my dreams, because I don&#x27;t really have any. Killing me would free up some space for someone more worthwhile to take my space in the world.<p>I&#x27;m not actually anything - I don&#x27;t have a role in the world, I&#x27;m just trying to survive and make enough money to live, and I don&#x27;t even know why I want to stay alive. I honestly wish this would happen to me.