Ask HN: Advice for husband struggling with 2-career marriage?
&gt; I&#x27;m trying to figure out if my feelings are rational or irrational.<p>Your feelings are your feelings, rationality doesn&#x27;t not come into play. Your emotions do no define you unless you have allowed them control over you actions. Processing and reconciling them with your identity is the only way to the other side.<p>&gt; When we started dating, my side gigs got in the way of our dating lifestyle<p>You aren&#x27;t dating your wife anymore. I have no idea how much time has passed, but your decision to take on less side work then, should have no bearing on how much time your wife dedicates to her career now.<p>&gt; She tells me I&#x27;m unsupportive of her because I&#x27;m jealous of her success<p>If the words, &#x27;You are jealous of my success&#x27; came out of her mouth, I would love to know what action or statement it was in response to. Are you supportive? Are there things that she wants from you that you are willing and able to do? Are there things you are not prepared to do? Discuss with her honestly about your needs and short comings; with no expectations except that she will hear you say the words.<p>&gt; I just feel like I&#x27;m fighting for some respect for myself<p>Do you respect yourself? Long term relationships are work and can cause our identity to be deeply tied to another. Reconnecting and accepting yourself is difficult but is require for true lasting self respect. It cannot be found in anyone else.<p>&gt; I really do want my wife to be successful and happy, but<p>Is your wife happy? Is she in pain, over worked, lonely? Camaraderie around a shared pain or difficulty can be reconciling.<p>&gt; I also don&#x27;t want to be required to live with this feeling of sacrifice.<p>You are married with children, sacrifice is the life you signed up for. It is the blood, sweat and tears of raising the next generation, this is life. That could be a bad choice for you personally, but realizing and coming to terms with the facts of your situation is the first step to finding out how to make it better.