I Lied When I Said We Did Everything We Could
I lost my dad recently (he was 84 and lived a wonderful and healthy life, which I consider a huge win for him).<p>He had a terribly bad stroke that left him very much alive, but without the ability to speak, read, or write.  He was a professional book reviewer and writer for much of his life, and continued to read, write, and think with voracity up until the minute before his stroke (he was setting up his Series 4 Apple Watch at his desk when the stroke hit ;)  Not an ounce of cognitive decline into his 80s, which we were all thankful for.<p>He spent about 10 days in the hospital after the stroke.  He was mostly lucid, glad to have the family around (thrilled to have his grandson there), but clearly frustrated that he literally could not say a word to us.  At one point I handed him his iPad Pro so he could, perhaps, type a bit, but he looked at me and shrugged when the keyboard popped up.  That part sucked.<p>He developed a heart arrhythmia and pretty severe pneumonia very quickly, and after a week or so of minimal cognitive improvement, the attending sat me, mom, and my sister in a room to discuss plans.  He explained that, of course, they could and would do the &quot;everything we can&quot; bit if we wanted, but that dad&#x27;s Living Will (*note:  highly recommended for everyone to get one) was clear that if he couldn&#x27;t live a comfortable life after this sort of debilitating event, he wanted only palliative care.  The attending also explained that there was &quot;a 0% chance he&#x27;ll regain cognitive abilities at this age to live anything near a normal life.&quot;<p>It took us less than a minute to all vehemently agree that the right decision would be to move immediately to palliative care, to let things take their course, and let him spend his last hours&#x2F;days in peace.  The attending told us he was shocked at how easily we agreed -- that most families have a hard time letting go and that he often has a difficult job trying to balance the need to be pragmatic with the wishes of families who might not be in a rational state of mind.  He actually thanked us for being so level-headed.  Dad died about 2 days later in absolute peace, with family around, a warm and wonderful nursing staff taking care of him, and honestly, I wouldn&#x27;t have had it any other way given the circumstances.<p>I share this not to gloat or preach that our family is somehow better than those who choose to request &quot;full code&quot;, but as an anecdote to let people know that it&#x27;s ok to let your loved ones go peacefully.  Even in the months since this happened, none of us have even a single ounce of regret about the way things were handled.