Preparing for Prison (2016)
I was a happy guest at a Chinese Jail facility for a couple months. It&#x27;s a short-term jail, and the Law in China forbids any Chinese citizen to be sentenced for more then 20 days(yes, it&#x27;s less then 1 month) in the said kind of vip SPA. For some reason of the destiny, there is a loophole in the Law, where the law doesn&#x27;t says clearly what to do with the somewhat unlucky foreigners, and the many conflicting regulations can lead a foreigner to stay up to 9 months there!(Lord have mercy on his soul, because after 9 months there, your soul will stay there forever the day your physical body walks out of there to know what the Sun is again) This soul I mention is from Cameroon, or Nigeria, It is not clear, and this is exactly the reason he stayed 9 months there, It wasn&#x27;t clear! And said soul must be still wandering around those cells there to this very Night, wherever the physical body is now, so, in my case I was lucky. Now what I will say will sound like I am a regular Jail frequenter, but I am not : D , Well, If I had to choose between that jail in China, where you are completely(and this means 100% no less) deprived of Coffee, Cigarettes, Anything to smoke at all, not even pure toilet paper, forget about smoking, you will not even remotely see it or smell it from far, anything to drink but water or sometimes home-made WangLaoZhi(what is superb, I have to say) and sometimes you can get some brown sugar that they sell for the Girl&#x27;s jail for alleviation of menstruation discomfort according to Chinese ancient predictions, and where you are almost completely deprived of Salt, and if you have never try this deprivation, it isn&#x27;t nice at all. I have asked the doctor for Salt, please. He could gave  to me or to any other inmate any painkiller I or anyone asked for, but &quot;I don&#x27;t have Salt&quot;. I will not talk about Sun. But, a Big But with a capital B, Those beautiful and sexy cop girls that you can see running in the Jail&#x27;s athletics track (like those from the  olympic games, but smaller, not for the inmates, seems that they use the Jail as an training place of the Police Academy too, so those young angels are probably still Student cops) these girls will never let anyone, anyone, ever touch a hair of yours, actually If anyone touches anyone, the angels will see it on the camera and Shout by your room&#x27;s loudpeakers: &quot;Physical contact is forbidden, you both have lost one point in your point&#x27;s score record&quot;(Actually usually they are much more human then this, sometimes they called me by my given name, Stockolm syndrome and all other theories in this field don&#x27;t even begin to scratch the surface of the deepness and intensity of the human relations and the feelings involved in the jobs of these girls, with their parents expecting them to have the dream husband that they cannot, and don&#x27;t want to find, and the Society expecting them to be Model Citizens and They, the girls themselves, expecting to fulfill their true belief, the sheer and crude and nude and absolute belief in the Written Law, and that their lives have a meaning and a reason, a important contribution to the Development, Improvement, Justice and Freedom of the Chinese Society, and they are doing exactly this, my friend, even going a milimeter or a meter out of the written Law, for the sake of their believes in Human Fraternity and the bright unwritten Justice itself and at the same time to have to witness and look with maximum attention to all the literally nude misery of the human animality(maybe neologism, but you get it) and see the &quot;lowest&quot; level of people taking shower and hearing these men speak all kinds of dirty things and talk about these same  watcher girls as sexual objects sometimes and sometimes even whistle at them if they see them doing the guard, of course not too much, and never if the girl can spot who was the guilty one, because people were scared of them too, off course, but Freedom of Speech there was complete, even political, some people were there because of somewhat political reasons, and people support them freely and everyone give him advice about how to go on with his political activism, this is surprising but completely true, it was about the government seized this poor people property to make a big real state Business and they go to protest in Beijing from all over the country, this is common there, so after some years the Beijing City gov got tired of handling them and now just send them back home with a few days jailtime in his own hometown as a trip souvenir. People who was caught with a lot of drugs or selling drugs gets 7 days jail or so first time, second time 20 days(maximum legal stay allowed by Law at a specially designed to be unbearable for more then 20 days concentration SPA) Third time you go &quot;real&quot; jail (lord have mercy on you) China is much more relaxed then people think, don&#x27;t try anything weird on my advice, surely, but even the Death Penalty is probably going to be abolished rather sooner then later(someday I explain why the Chinese people is the boss of the Chinese government, and not otherwise, when you hear is an ancient cultured People, you underestimate, I only realized that in my 12th or 13th year in china, call me dumb and the majority of Death Sentences passed today in China is scheduled for 2 years from now, with some little clause on it, and if you behave well 2 years later your sentence will be silently changed to Life in Prision, unless you are a political communist authority(will be executed the next morning after trial), or you sold unsafe food and some kid died, or you killed someone and don&#x27;t show regret in front of the Court Judges, or you show regret but killed a child, then you will be executed right away. ((I have lost the pairing of the parenthesis here already, this isn&#x27;t a code editor)  Brazilian Jail, by the other hand,  you get Marijuana, other drugs, sometimes booze, visit of professional girls(woo-hoo!) Sun, Music and Barbecue, but 1 time in 2.8 years will happen that you look around after a fraction of a second and everyone is dressed like Ninjas with their shirts covering their heads and touching the ground with 1 or the 2 hands like Stressed Monkeys, so the guy next to you says: &quot; Dress all clothes you can find quickly, so you will have less black bruises and it will let less scares on your skin when it has all finished...&quot; but this is another story, this tale is ridiculously long already.