Assertiveness is a virtue that anyone can develop with practice
With trusted people, I find its best to default to a non-violent communication style[1]. Express your feelings with &quot;I&quot; statements, etc. &quot;I&#x27;m feeling X&quot;. Believe the other side has positive intent (ie &#x27;hanlons razor&#x27;). Express the 2-way nature, and understand feelings can arise for many reason that may not be anyones fault.<p>Recently I had a conversation with to a colleague where I expressed their earlier perceived &#x27;pressure&#x27; made me feel my relationship with them was &quot;transactional&quot;. And I felt like my value was about the work I did, not me as a person. I reiterated throughout I didn&#x27;t think it was their intention. I expressed that this has as much to do with my personality &amp; baggage with how I perceive comments that might not bother others.<p>I didn&#x27;t do it perfectly (this is a hard skill to cultivate). But... we left with a better way to communicate. &quot;OK Doug reacts to X statements a bit roughly&quot;. On my end, I take accountability for maybe overreacting to X types of statements, and taking a deep breath and being as forgiving as I can. Most importantly our relationship and trust deepened, and we&#x27;ll work more effectively together...<p>1-<a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;en.wikipedia.org&#x2F;wiki&#x2F;Nonviolent_Communication" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;en.wikipedia.org&#x2F;wiki&#x2F;Nonviolent_Communication</a>