Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
&gt; <i>My time for having children is running out.</i><p>&gt; <i>Please encouragement only, no discouragement. I’m discouraged enough already.</i><p>IMHO, that&#x27;s exactly the problem. Bear with me for a sec.<p>Unless you find someone who has the exact same objective and wants to have kids asap (i.e., a more transactional relationship), this will always be a <i>major</i> turn off. Your partner will feel pressured to make a decision quickly, and sooner or later will think the main thing you want is their sperm to have a baby. That&#x27;s a recipe for folks to back off. Even if you believe you&#x27;re not putting pressure, I bet they can smell it a mile away. It has a direct impact on your mindset, your behavior, and self-confidence, even if you believe you&#x27;re effective in masking it.<p>It may sound counter intuitive, but once you stop trying &quot;to find someone to marry and have kids&quot;, you may actually find someone.<p>The first step is to start accepting yourself and your life <i>as it is</i> -- and being proud of being single and having no kids. It is what it is. Cut the bullshit of dating coaches, hundred dates, dozen of books, and all the mental energy you&#x27;re wasting obsessing about it. Give up the serial dating, and immerse yourself in work, or a cause you care about, sports, gym, hobbies, church, or whatever suits your fancy. Sure, make new friends and go on dates, but not because you want to &quot;find love and build a family&quot;, but because you want to have fun and enjoy having sex every now and then.<p>Once you do it - <i>truly do it</i> - you&#x27;ll be seen as more attractive, more powerful, successful, confident, remarkable, independent. You won&#x27;t need anyone on your side to be the best version of yourself. And there&#x27;s nothing more f*ing attractive than that.<p>Pragmatically speaking, you&#x27;ve already frozen your eggs, so you have a plan B for later. For now, internalize that you are enough. Once you accept it, everything else will follow.