Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?
If you&#x27;ve only been doing it for two years... it may just not be long enough. I&#x27;m so sorry that&#x27;s the case, but it seems to be. Also, you say a lot about yourself, but not a lot about what makes someone a &quot;marriageable man&quot;. What are your criteria? Who are you looking for? Clearly you have a lot of people who seem like good candidates, so what rules them out?<p>My own anecdata is that it took me about three years of seriously looking - in my mid twenties - to find the person I&#x27;m now married to. She was my first and only successful date from Bumble in two years of using that app. I had done everything else: met people through my faith, through social events, used all the other apps, on and on and on.<p>Then, when we did meet, it was like lightning. It was one of the most bizarre experiences I have ever had, because I was completely convinced the kind of falling in love I experienced was a) impossible and b) would never be requited, and yet it was happening to me. It still makes my heart flutter thinking about it. I&#x27;ve spoken to my wife about it and she felt and still feels the same way. Within maybe a few hours of meeting each other, we both suspected, and after a couple of months we knew for sure. Like you, I had dated a lot of people, and many of them fit most or all of my personal criteria, and I theirs, but they weren&#x27;t the right fit for reasons I couldn&#x27;t quite explain. I don&#x27;t think that means my wife is &quot;the One&quot; or anything - there is no such thing - but I have never met anyone else I&#x27;m not related to by blood with whom I&#x27;ve shared this kind of connection <i>and</i> a romantic intent.<p>It&#x27;s incredibly tough and painful to search for that needle in a haystack, and I&#x27;m sorry you&#x27;re going through it. But I believe it&#x27;s possible to find for the vast majority of people.<p>I could write a lot more on this subject, but this has probably been poetical enough for now. I hope this helps.