Ask HN: What are ways to combat loneliness and build meaningful connections?
So I am normally super nerdy and often love my alone time. But these things have worked for me BIG TIME post covid:<p>1. <i>Go to decent group events that are re-occuring and just KEEP GOING.</i> It can be helpful to make a rule like &quot;talk to one person new&quot; at each one if that helps you. But the key is to be consistent - you will start to recognize other people that go and they will start to recognize you. And that makes it much, much less awkward to approach people. Go to events you are already into. Go to events you know nothing about. People love talking to someone who is an expert at something when they are not because you can explain the ropes to them. People also love someone who knows absolutely NOTHING about something (and freely admits it openly) because it shows humility and allows them to also do the same and relax.<p>2. <i>People suck at keeping up with friendships - just regularly followup with people! Text or call at least one person every single day.</i> I guarantee they will appreciate it and if you suggest doing something easy (movie, dinner, coffee, a walk or hike or run) they will very likely say yes. Everyone is lonely right now - you just have to be that person who takes the iniative. Do this enough and very quickly you will be labeled a &quot;social butterly&quot; when literally all you need to is a very minimum of effort. (Side note - also make sure to recognize that those people who are super social butterflies are not doing it easily - it takes effort - recognize that!)<p>3. <i>Introduce people. People LOVE the person that seems to be the conduit for social interaction.</i> Going to a group running event and you separately meet two people who both say they are artists? Immediately offer to introduce them and lead them together. Now you do not even need to do any of the social interaction yourself - you can just stand there and smile as they hit it off and both people like you. Your convo with each of them might have trailed off individually but by creating this dynamic you are in a way automating your friendships - so automate that shit!<p>4. <i>After doing all of these things do your best to try to form that core social friend group that so many of us had in the past.</i> I used to chock it up to being in college or highschool. Now that I am not: that is why I do not have one right? WRONG. Talk to young people. Talk to your younger cousins and nephews. Young people are increasingly in the same situation and it is really quite sad. If you can do all of the above eventually you will either find an existing group or create your own and once you do that everything just falls into place. I used to think the show &quot;Friends&quot; was dumb as hell and now it increasingly looks like some idyllic fairy tale for so many. (Side note - help people network whenever you can professionally - even if it is not your personal industry - there may be no benefit to you but people will remember).<p>4b. Increasingly I see too many people seeking this kind of friendship connection out of a S.O. which puts strain on the relationship (and pigeon holes the relationship or makes them more hermitted than needed) and I do not think it is the healthiest way to have a romantic partner (note I did not say unhealthy - there is no blame here). Should your partner be one of your best friends, maybe your bestest of best friends? Of course! But you each need your separate outlets too. And speaking from personal experience I have also had some amazing interactions with the best friends of past partners since you both can be completely honest and joke around about the person you are dating. In my opinion the most reliable way to know if you really like someone (partner or friend) or if people really like you is if you or they know your flaws (maybe even your worst) and instead find them fucking endearing. Find the flaws of people you love and help build them up when you can and when you cannot just laugh instead (maybe not always to their face).<p><i>Luckily as a mid 30s adult I recently have achieved all of the above and I can tell you that I am happier than I ever was in my 20s or 30s pre-covid.</i> I do not even have a significant other - and some will say to not date within your friend group - but if the group is big enough (especially if there are several sub groups that are all sort of interacting and sharding amongst each other) I still think it is the best way to meet a partner. And as my friend always says: What you really want to achive is &quot;The Referral&quot; (meaning someone who is a good friend introduces you to someone they also like that they believe you might get along with as a partner). Trust me on this - it is better than any online dating app. Do you really want some algo designed by a legit engineer here that has a bunch of greedy executives breathing down their necks to shape and design how it works to maximize $$$ instead of just being the best god damn algo at introducing you to the person you might spend the rest of your life with or even just a fun weekend fling with? I do not. Hell no. I think we all knows what possibly goes into those things better than anyone and their primary purpose is not going to be in your best interest. <i>Get The Referral. Be a &quot;Referee&quot;! It feels great to introduce people who then go on to really genuinely like each other.</i><p><i>TLDR:</i><p>Go to new events and do so consistently<p>Regularly followup with people<p>Introduce people when you can and automate your friendships<p>Get back that elusive friend group that used to be normal<p>Screw being told by a computer who to love