Ask HN: How to deal with regret of not having kids
Like a friend of mine once said approximately: Having a family or a wife is not the only goal in life one can have.<p>Some people are made for different purposes than the biological default activity. People can live great lives and never be in an (exclusive) relationship with any partner. People can do great work and advance humanity a little bit. They can be experts in their area of expertise and that can be already more valuable to society than another child.<p>Of course there are many sources of pressure or stereotypes all around us, suggesting to us, that a family is the ultimate thing to achieve and that we will all be perfectly happy if only we start a family.<p>A good friend of mine started a family and his stress levels are through the roof. Barely has time in his day to take care of anything else than children and work. So basically work^2.<p>Many people will also tout, that making a family was the best thing they ever did. However, studies show, that people are not necessarily happier after having kids and one explanation for this is, that it is not socially accceptable usually, to say things like: &quot;Ah getting children was a mistake, I wish I had not done that.&quot;. People will paint you as asocial or worse, if you say those things. Also people need to justify their own past decisions to themselves and might really believe, that it was the best decision they made.<p>Aside from all that, adoption is still an option one can try. There are so many children in this world, who would benefit from being adopted, possibly becoming bright members of society. If you think you can love children, even if they are not of your own seed, then do consider adoption. I have a hunch, that it is not the making of a child, but its upbringing and the work invested in that, that makes parents love their children. It might also skip some of the most stressful times children go through. Of course adoption is not a thing done in a day. There are requirements.