Ask HN: What can you do or learn to experience a better love life?
This perspective is inspired by: pickup artists, feminism and hacking. I feel I belong to all 3 groups (it sounds paradoxical but it&#x27;s resolvable, too long to write here).<p>This is not structured.<p>Use meditation to learn about love as a skill (metta, tonglen). Read Search Inside Yourself. Become more altruistic, less egocentric, more equanimous and more sensitive to the own sensations in your body. See dhamma.org<p>Also screen for if you have compatible values (really do this, I see so many issues because some men are already happy if anyone loves them at all)<p>The biggest hacks are:<p>1. Traveling: it&#x27;s easier to hookup so the hard part is done (making them sexually attracted to you). Now you can get to know them for real and be serious. For people that claim this can&#x27;t be done. I&#x27;m living it, I might need to relocate to the US but I&#x27;m currently a nomad, so I can do whatever. Of course, you&#x27;ll find party girls or non-serious women. Somewhere after making out with them, you&#x27;ll realize that and can screen them out.<p>2. Social momentum: sometimes I go out during the day, cold approach 5 to 10 women and cold approach a couple of strangers to for social fun (I met a friendly music hippie the other day!). At the end of it, you&#x27;re much sharper and much wittier. If you <i>then</i> cold approach a woman the likelihood of her being attracted to you is higher. Note: you <i>need</i> to be optimistic about the process, you&#x27;re going to be rejected a lot (or at least feel rejected a lot). I always ask myself &quot;what could I do better in this approach&quot; and most times I see improvements since my social skills aren&#x27;t that great. Such as: talk louder, talk slower, talk with a more positive tone (she doesn&#x27;t know you and is a stranger <i>you need to be positive in the beginning of meeting someone on a cold approach</i>), stand up straight, smile, have an open body posture, do your best to make her day better, etc.<p>3. Play the numbers, play them hard. Pickup artists that say you can seduce anyone and everyone: lol, no. It&#x27;s a numbers game and you can improve your likelihood of attracting, seducing and loving someone but we&#x27;re talking about the 1% to 10% range at most. Become used to rejection desensitize yourself to it. Stay nice and respectful to everyone while becoming numb to it. Think by sets of 100.<p>My method:<p>I&#x27;m imaginative and curious. I&#x27;ve noticed that in order to be found attractive by a woman at the very least I need a few things:<p>1. A good or positive vibe<p>2. Something special, pickup artists call it status (bullshit). I call it something special because if she values that you have a crazy intelligent mind, boom, you&#x27;re in.<p>3. Intent from my side<p>Here&#x27;s how I fill that in:<p>1. I focus on playfulness, I find playfulness awesome. Banter is fun, being funny is fun, but being playful gives me existential satisfaction. So playfulness forms the (conscious) fundament of whatever good vibe I vibe out. It&#x27;s either that or metta&#x2F;love.<p>2. That something special in my case is I&#x27;m a fantastical person. My imagination is huge, if women don&#x27;t appreciate me for it, next, numbers game, rejection, whatever. Talk to the next woman you fancy. I screen hard, because I know that what in order to experience a better love life I need fireworks on: intellect, emotions and physical.<p>3. Intent: simply say it somewhere during the interaction 1 to 3 times.<p>Don&#x27;t underestimate meditation and metta in all of this. Also, when it comes to love there is little to no room for ego. Every time when I put myself out there and get rejected I am reminded of that. Got rejected yesterday pretty harshly, Tinder date. Vibe was awesome, intellectually cool, I found her visually really appealing. So I asked “do you kiss on the first date?” It turns out she felt more friendship. It fucking hurts, I (almost) <i>always</i> get it. It frustrates to no end. But I have to feel it. I have to empathize with how she feels about it. It matters to keep on feeling. It matters to empathize, despite my own wants&#x2F;needs. Meditation helps to give those feelings a place by using equanimity. It still hurted, and there I saw my ego. Hello ego, no more ego. Ego went away (it’s all temporary if course). I felt at peace. Better luck next time :)<p>Relationship-wise:<p>Non-violent Communication<p>Even more meditation (anapana, vipassana, metta and tonglen)<p>Empathy (note: not always sympathy but always empathy)<p>Read the sex god method<p>Learn about kink&#x2F;bdsm, even if you’re vanilla. Visit a munch even<p>Help others, like the homeless (cultivates love)<p>Help your partner<p>Have boundaries<p>Ask for help when you need it, dare to!<p>Be amazing at detecting shit from yourself and shit from others. Aka don’t walk over your partner and have the skills they won’t walk over you<p>More playfulness, playfulness forms like 50% of all interactions. You <i>will</i> see each other’s weird side<p>Learn a dance together like bachata<p>That&#x27;s all I have for now.