‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
This was an interesting read. I guess I&#x27;ll start with the response.<p>As has been pointed out by others, bringing up the book was a weird humblebrag. It kind of makes me think that Polly chose to answer this particular request for help because it was an opportunity to continue promoting her book, not that it somehow organically happened to fit in with her advice.<p>Also, it seems like a lot of the response kind of boils down to &quot;nuh-uh!&quot; and &quot;cut it out!&quot; with no shortage of affirmation-esque platitudes. From my personal experience, I have found that line of reasoning to be frustratingly valid only in retrospect for people that have already overcome the bulk of their depression&#x2F;anxiety&#x2F;existential dread. It&#x27;s easy to be prescriptive or reductive when you have some distance from the issue that you&#x27;re talking about, and that&#x27;s not necessarily helpful for everybody.<p>Anyway, as far as Haunted&#x27;s post goes, I can entirely identify with those feelings.<p>On my nineteenth birthday I had my house raided (and entirely destroyed) by the gang taskforce of the local pd. This was because in the middle of the night before, my house had been tagged with some gang related graffiti on the side of the house that faced the freeway. I couldn&#x27;t afford to fix the place after the raid, and had no way of guaranteeing that the people that tagged the house wouldn&#x27;t continue to do so.<p>So I had to move with only the clothes I was wearing.<p>At 20 I had to move overnight because a stalker broke into my mother&#x27;s house (where I was staying) and tried to choke me to death. When the police arrived, I was almost arrested because the stalker had friends in the department (this individual moonlit as a kind of &quot;high class&quot; cocaine dealer to lawyers and a few judges in the area). Knowing he was certainly going to come back with no consequences, I moved again. This time I was able to carry my laptop and a change of clothes.<p>At 21, me and my then-girlfriend up and left everything that wouldn&#x27;t fit in her car so that we could move in with her parents as a way to get her out of prostitution. When we got there, her parents changed their minds and we ended up selling everything including the car in order to get a ride across the state to an office building I knew we could squat in.<p>At 22, I was summarily kicked out of the living room that I had been crashing in because I told the guy whose house it was that I wasn&#x27;t comfortable with covering for him every time he stole money from his wife to buy heroin. He kept my laptop and the bag of half my clothes out of spite.<p>I have since lived in much more stable circumstances, and the last two time I&#x27;ved moved, I&#x27;ve kept all of my stuff and relationships! For the first time in my life! That being said, it&#x27;s made it difficult for me to shake the mindset of &quot;Don&#x27;t buy it or care about it if you can&#x27;t take it with you given five minutes&#x27; notice.&quot; In fact, I don&#x27;t know if I&#x27;ll ever be entirely without that feeling rattling around in my head.<p>If put on the spot, I would have difficulty making a rational argument that my life hasn&#x27;t been wasted. There objectively exists a number of periods of my life which I have nearly zero to show for. That being said, it&#x27;s not a line of thought that I regularly entertain. That type of existential despair is simply too easy to wallow in. It&#x27;s like quicksand. The idea of a ~Meaningful Life~ (and its opposite) is at once way too emotionally weighty and way too easy to mercurially define to be a useful focus for anybody, especially people that are already struggling with other issues.<p>As for broke, it is a tangibly anxiety-provoking and embarrassing thing. Every little setback (like schools you&#x27;re applying for asking for surprise paperwork that you can&#x27;t access, being &quot;mysteriously&quot; rejected by a school wholesale without an interview just for ASKING if they offer financial aid, not being able to afford basic resources to launch a small business, etc.) makes everything seem more and more like there is some sort of cosmic curse at play, or that the world is <i>actually</i> reflecting my personal worth. All I can really do is keep trying, and personally only the tiny victories help with that sort of anxiety. That&#x27;s just me of course, others might respond to being broke differently.<p>As for &quot;friendless&quot;, the only thing I can think to say to someone who makes that claim is &quot;Are you sure about that?&quot; I recently moved to a tiny town in the middle of nowhere and have yet to make any close friends in the area, but I still have close friends from all around the country that I talk to on a near-daily basis. Group chats are great for this. Whenever I am feeling lonely, I figure that it&#x27;s on me to reach out.<p>The friends you&quot;ve moved away from probably miss you as much as you miss them, and while it&#x27;s not the same as hanging out in person, an extended phone call or a nice text chain full of jokes and news snippets can be a healthy reminder that you haven&#x27;t just &quot;disappeared&quot;.<p>Sorry this got a bit long, I might&#x27;ve lost and then re-found the thread of my reasoning at some point ;)<p>Basically, I think it&#x27;s good that the original author decided to reach out and ask for help, even if the help is from an advice columnist. I would encourage anybody else struggling with these things (like I currently am) to make an effort to do the same in whatever way works for them. Asking for help when needed, and offering it when capable are two of the most satisfying and empowering things a person can do.<p>Also as stated by many posters, therapy from a good therapist can also be a godsend.<p>Anyway I&#x27;m done rambling for now. If anybody wants to have a friendly chat about depression or isolation etc., feel free to shoot me an email! I am not a professional anything, but I&#x27;m pretty friendly and a good listener!<p>:)