Ask HN: Anyone here make a 'comeback' from rock bottom? What is your story?
The journey has been more personal rather than professional, but felt inclined to share since I&#x27;ve been thinking about it a lot the past few days. It&#x27;s probably not the biggest comeback facing huge obstacles, but it&#x27;s important to me. Being a minority and growing up in a state with pretty low diversity, I always struggled with my identity and who I was. Looking back at my life, I see the signs of depression starting around when I was in college, but never really thought much about it. &quot;I&quot; couldn&#x27;t be depressed, after all, it was always those middle aged guys whose lives were a mess, right?<p>I moved to Texas, alone, starting my new career with a freshly minted CS degree from a good university. Around 2009, economy was still recovering, couldn&#x27;t find a job anywhere else. I never thought I&#x27;d end up in TX, but the oil economy and the growing healthcare industries made it easy to get a job... I jumped at the first offer I got after 4 months of looking and doing freelancing to pay bills.<p>It was strange, being surrounded by a lively city and people, but feeling so disconnected from everyone and everything around you. Met an awesome girl at a wedding, fell in love, and had some family I&#x27;d visit every month or so with nieces who adored me. Probably the only two things good in my life, everything else just seemed like a rut.<p>Moved into long distance relationship, started working my ass off at a new company, and my life just slipped away. Fell into a deep depression (never diagnosed, but I can see it looking back now). Girl eventually called it off, because of cultural differences even though we were in love, which was a blessing in disguise. Got screwed over at work, and ended up leaving and I guess that was &#x27;rock-bottom&#x27;. I didn&#x27;t have anything really left in my life that made sense.<p>The strange thing is while going through it, I never thought I was depressed. I remember interviewing at a company, feeling pretty good about things, but walking along the parking garages on the 10th story, standing at the ledge and thinking if I should jump head first or foot first. And then I realized that they weren&#x27;t just thoughts, but impulses. I think there were a dozen more different instances, where I was putting myself in unnecessary risk just to feel alive, and maybe die. &quot;I&quot; didn&#x27;t want to live with &quot;myself&quot; anymore, whatever that meant.<p>Ended up a really bad case of bronchitis and a dry cough, and had a new job at this point (same job I almost threw myself off the parking garage, right after the interview.. wtf, brain). Had a really good supervisor, told me to take the day off and got the urgent care. Ended up getting a big ol bottle of Tussionex (Hydrocodone).<p>So drugs are bad, right? Yeah, they are. But I learned something valuable after taking way more than I should -- I realized that within me, I could still be happy. For the first time in years, after feeling disconnected and alone, I felt alive and happy. Sure, it was the drugs, but it was a liberating feeling. I finished that bottle quickly, and crashed a little and felt like shit afterwards... but my perspective changed. I knew it was possible for me to be happy. And I knew that hydrocodone and drinking lean (I was in Texas after all, where Lean originates from) was not who I wanted to be. I had the foresight to cut that shit out of my life, and never have taken it again.<p>Around that time (2012), still depressed and struggling with identity, I think it was on HN or Reddit, I heard about books that changed people&#x27;s lives, and on a whim, I read the &quot;Power of Now&quot;. The author goes through the exact same thing that I described, where he struggles with the &quot;I&quot; not being able to live with &quot;myself&quot;. It really changed my perspective. I took some time off work, and went back to the Rockies where I was from. Spent some time hiking, and just picking a direction and walking through long ass trails, completely unprepared with just a few water bottles and energy bars. The strange thing is that when I was lost in middle of wilderness, that&#x27;s when I found myself.<p>I came back to Houston and begin a spiritual journey, really mediating and reconnecting with my faith. I know that religion and faith doesn&#x27;t get too much love on the internet, but I didn&#x27;t feel alone anymore. I had found myself, and didn&#x27;t need anything or anyone else. It&#x27;s a feeling that&#x27;s impossible to put into words, because it transcends language, and must be felt to be realized. I met new friends, and started smoking weed occasionally, which was probably the final thing that really helped me get out of the rut, and start building my life.<p>I really pushed myself, got a better job, met and married my lovely wife, worked on my own startup and consulting for a year, and now working at another startup. Sure, I may not be the best coder or hacker, but I feel life again in what I do -- it&#x27;s a relieving feeling to push myself every day, knowing that it&#x27;s not about what we accomplish it, but how we accomplish it. My job isn&#x27;t glamorous, but I&#x27;m content with where I&#x27;m at. Contentment is more of a compass and direction guide, not a destination.<p>To anyone struggling with any difficulty and depression, know that you have the strength within yourself to overcome and persevere. And don&#x27;t be like me and deal with this alone, seek help from others even if it&#x27;s commenting online in some random forum.