“Cat Person” and Me
To me, the most disturbing part of this is the following section:<p><i>I made plans to rent an apartment with some girls from my econ class the following year, but they told me they’d changed their minds when they found out about my older boyfriend.</i><p>I&#x27;m a woman and I blog. I have made a stab at writing fiction, often loosely based on my life. People tend to assume it is 100 percent <i>true</i>.<p>When I was getting divorced, if I mentioned my future ex was blond, men who were blond would act like I had just announced &quot;You are in like Flynn!&quot; Brunets who were interested in me acted like kicked puppies, as if I had just announced &quot;I am never, ever dating you -- yes, you -- in specific!!!!&quot;<p>I learned to scrub such details from my comments and signal as little as possible about my past relationships so as to have some hope of breaking whatever negative patterns were a part of my life. I didn&#x27;t want men self selecting or self rejecting to pattern match to a past relationship when I was trying to sort out what actually worked.<p>I dislike the general trend of vilifying men who are involved with younger women, often with no nuance at all. Often age difference alone is sufficient to assume the absolute worst.<p>Although I absolutely support things like #MeToo -- support the idea that women should not be silenced about the bad things that have actually happened to them -- I am disturbed and concerned by the general trend that the world seems to think all heterosexual relationships are inherently abusive or something. We hear a great deal about the bad, the things gone wrong, the dark side and sometimes it seems like there are no good examples out there, no discourse on &quot;This is what a good relationship look like.&quot;<p>Being able to identify bad actors and protect oneself is a good thing. Being unable to identify something positive or pursue it because everyone around you assumes the worst and feels entitled to butt in is not a good thing.<p>I wish we could take steps towards something more positive. That sometimes seems impossible in the current climate.