An apology to our community, and next steps
Codes of conduct tend to be driven by (and serve to protect) the group&#x27;s intended purpose. Gender is a big part of our language for many reasons, some better than others. We should be aware of our goals when dictating what is and isn&#x27;t acceptable, <i>especially</i> on a technical Q&amp;A forum like StackExchange.<p>Wanting to know someone&#x27;s gender can be reasonable. But... on StackExchange? I can count on a single set of digits the number of times I&#x27;ve personally witnessed someone knowing someone else&#x27;s gender leading to anything better than a neutral outcome. Doctors factor highly in that list. Then dates. Online people... well, only when it was extremely on-topic. Like a time I saw someone getting advice on 6-point racing harnesses vs. 5-point (re: strap geometry to protect the lower body).<p>As an example, let&#x27;s take scicomp.stackexchange.com (computational science). Neither a participant&#x27;s sex nor their gender is an appropriate topic there, with few exceptions. Is a reasonable policy there to avoid <i>all</i> gendered pronouns when referring to other users, unless there&#x27;s an on-topic reason? Is using &quot;they&quot; or the user&#x27;s handle <i>worse</i> than bringing gender into the conversation, when this is clearly off-topic? Monica seems to be negotiating for the <i>option</i> to use gender-neutral language. What are the pitfalls if we mandate it? The language can be a little awkward at first but that&#x27;s a small molehill to die on.<p>Personally, I&#x27;ve always found it strange that we collectively broadcast our gender so far and wide. We don&#x27;t continually mention each other&#x27;s race, hair color, handedness, or preferred sleeping position on every tenth word, yet we often know someone&#x27;s gender even before we know their name. Why is it so?<p>Thoughts? Very curious to hear from others. To be clear I have no problem with someone expressing their sexuality, gender, or other aspects of their individuality. I&#x27;m a fairly odd cat myself (particulars are irrelevant) and I relish being able to express myself authentically when it&#x27;s helpful to some goal. I guess I&#x27;m mostly challenging the central role gender plays in our language, and asking whether or not we should change this to allow people more flexibility in what they disclose.