'Dot was drinking a beer and doing a crossword. I thought, there's a woman after my own heart!'
By Tim Elliott
November 2, 2019 — 12.08am
This article features among the best Two of Us columns of 2019
Registered nurse Tim Castley, 54, met war widow and former switchboard operator Dot Sullivan, 101, eight years ago. They bonded over a love of crosswords, getting together every Monday evening to decode that day's puzzle.
Dot Sullivan: "Tim was good at the cryptics, but I beat him on the old words, the terms that are not used these days." Credit:Louie Douvis
TIM: I met Dot in 2011, through her niece, June, who is a colleague of mine from nursing. June had told me about her Aunty Dot, who was 93 at the time, and said, "Do you want to meet her?" I said, "Yes."
We walked into Dot's home in Stanmore [in Sydney's inner west] and Dot was sitting there drinking a beer and doing The Sydney Morning Herald crossword. I thought, "There's a woman after my own heart!" I told her that I loved doing the crossword, and had recently started doing the cryptics. Dot was interested in trying them, so I suggested we meet for a cup of tea and have a go at them. Since then, we have met up pretty much every week and done the cryptic crossword together.
We've become great friends. The age difference is immaterial. We have lots in common. She's a Labor supporter, and so am I. She has danced with Gough Whitlam [at a Labor Party function] – she says he was a really good dancer – and she met Bob Hawke. She's very aware of world events; she reads The Sydney Morning Herald every day. We discuss global warming, and Donald Trump, whom she doesn't like at all.
The only thing we don't share is that she is an avid royalist and I'm a republican. When she turned 100, she received a letter from the Queen, which she was very proud of. I was happy for her but I refrained from commenting too much. She also received a letter from [then Liberal PM] Malcolm Turnbull, but she wasn't too keen on that one, and put it in the bottom drawer.
Dot has a characteristic that a lot of people who age successfully have, which is a positive outlook on life, in spite of adversity.
Dot has a characteristic that a lot of people who age successfully have, which is a positive outlook on life, in spite of significant adversity. In 2012, at the age of 94, she was diagnosed with bowel cancer. It was extensive, and she needed major surgery. In the end, they cut out huge sections of her bowel. It was a major assault on her body, but she got through it, and ended up on first-name terms with her surgeon. He now uses her as an example of what's possible in terms of age and surgery.
She came to my 50th birthday party, and I went to her 100th. There were 100 people at her party. She stood up and made a speech where she talked about how she'd recently been called up for jury duty. So she rang them and said, "You do realise I'm 99 years old? I'll come in and do it, but it could be tricky if it's a long trial. I might not get to the end." They gave her an exemption.
Dot has a wonderful and loving family; she is really close to them. She is also very empathetic. She knows when I've done night shift and I'm tired, and she'll say, "Don't come today." But I come every week, because I always feel better when I leave.
After 20 years working as a registered nurse in critical care and paediatrics, about three years ago I changed jobs and started working at a different hospital. After starting there, I saw some things that were concerning. I reported my concerns. Subsequently over the past two years things have been difficult at work. Dot has been a great source of support during this time.
We're getting better at the cryptics. Eight years ago, we'd get about half the answers, but now we get three out of four. If we don't get it, we don't beat ourselves up. Really, we just like hanging out together.
DOT: I met Tim when he came one day with my niece, June, on the back of his motorbike. I was drinking a Resch's and doing the crossword, and he walked in and looked over my shoulder. His eyebrows went up, and he pointed at the crossword. He said, "I was doing that one today, and I couldn't get that word."
It was Tim who got me onto the cryptics. He was good at them, but I beat him on the old words, the terms that are not used these days. It helps if you've lived a long time and have a good memory.
Often I'll come out with a word, and Tim will say, "Where did you get that one?" I'll say, "That was a word my grandfather used," and I'll explain what it means. Lots of words disappear, or are reinvented. So we've learnt from one another.
We do the crossword at the same time every week: 5.30pm to 7pm on a Monday. We'll knock over a cryptic in one night. But we also talk about sport: football, cricket. I love the AFL. I used to go down to see relatives in Melbourne, and my aunt's house was right next to the MCG, the back fence overlooked the oval.
We also have similar politics. We discuss Mr Trump at great length. That man is a nutter. You can't have an idiot like that floating around the world. How somebody hasn't bumped him off by now, I'm amazed. I'd do it myself. That would sort things out: I think I'd get a medal.
Tim knows I'm as tough as nails, but he likes to think he's protecting me.
Tim takes his work very seriously. He's a paediatric nurse, and if there's a breakdown at work, he'll do a double shift – whatever it takes. Sometimes I can tell he's thinking about work. He'll say something about the chances of some child surviving, or he goes a bit quiet. I'll be talking about the cryptic, and I'll have to say, "Hey, pull your weight!" and that'll get him back to earth.
I went to his 50th birthday at Ashfield Bowling Club. I had a dance with him: no quick steps, all slow waltz. He's not a bad dancer, but I had to stand on his shoes. I think he sees me as a grandmother, because his has passed away. He knows I'm as tough as nails, but he likes to think he's protecting me. I prefer male company anyway. Females irritate me. A lot of them go on with such stupid bloody twaddle. "She's got this", "She's got that", and all the backbiting.
I feel honoured that Tim would have time to even talk to someone of my age. He's been a very good friend, full of goodness and kindness. As far as the cryptics go, he still has the edge on me. He's been doing them for years. I'm catching up now, but together we work well.
To read more from Good Weekend magazine, visit our page at The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and Brisbane Times.
Tim Elliott
Tim Elliott is a senior writer with Good Weekend.
Most Viewed in Lifestyle