Everyday Health Cancer Pancreatic Cancer
Talking to Children About Pancreatic Cancer
Your pancreatic cancer prognosis will be difficult for you to share and for your children to accept. Here's advice for choosing the right words.
By Diana Rodriguez
Medically Reviewed by Lindsey Marcellin, MD, MPH
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Telling family members that you have been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer is one of the hardest things you'll have to do. And breaking the news to your children can be the most devastating.
Children will be full of questions and concerns — they'll be confused, and they'll be scared. At the same time, so will you and your other family members. It's important for everyone in the family to stay strong and positive, and for you to be prepared for your child's response to the news of your pancreatic cancer prognosis.
Helping Kids Understand Your Pancreatic Cancer Prognosis
When you give your news to your children, regardless of their ages, it's important to:
Be honest. Make your explanation clear and specific.
Stick to the facts. Don't lie to your children. If the prognosis is poor, let them know.
Tell them that you are getting treatment. Let them know you and your doctor are doing everything that you can to beat pancreatic cancer.
Choose words that are age-appropriate. Use simple, basic explanations for young children, and add more details for older children.
Breaking Pancreatic Cancer News to Young Children
Younger children need simple explanations.
"The word cancer may not have special meaning or be understood, so 'Daddy is sick and the doctors are trying to help him' may be just fine," says William Breitbart, MD, chief of the psychiatry service at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York.
If you think your young child will hear the word "cancer" in school from their classmates whose parents have discussed your situation in their homes, then, says Dr. Breitbart, "You may want to introduce the word 'cancer' and explain that it is a type of sickness."
Start by giving out small bits of information, Breitbart suggests. "Then ask if they have questions. This allows kids to control the amount of information they want to have. Kids might ask, 'Is Daddy going to die?' Understand that younger children do not see death as permanent, [but] older children begin to understand this."
Breitbart advises parents to answer truthfully, giving examples of a grandparent or even a pet that has died, but to offer reassurance that "we are doing everything possible with the help of doctors."
Young children are likely to be concerned about their own lives and how they may change as a result of their parent's pancreatic cancer prognosis.
"Small children really need to be reassured that their routines will be maintained in school, play dates, and so on. Parents typically say that small kids listen to the news and then go back to playing and are most concerned with their routines," says Breitbart.
Small children will also need to be told that nothing they did, or anyone else did, caused the cancer, and that it is not contagious.
Pancreatic Cancer: Talking With Older Children
"Older children can understand more detail and appreciate the serious nature of an illness such as pancreatic cancer. They can participate in activities and [can have some] understanding that time is limited. What becomes important is how that time is spent with a parent — staying close and connected, having the courage to still live and love fully, [and focusing] on what gives life meaning as a family," says Breitbart.
An older or grown child can be a huge support for their parent with pancreatic cancer. Carolynn Kiel, of Laguna Woods, Calif., has had pancreatic cancer for nearly five years.
"My daughter was always right here with me every step of the way," regardless of the news," says Kiel.
Kiel's daughter, who was 40 at the time of her mother's pancreatic cancer diagnosis, has been her primary caregiver and has helped her through treatments and recovery.
Time spent helping care for a parent with pancreatic cancer can also give an older child time to accept the diagnosis and to grieve.
Keep your child's age in mind, and never give more information than the child seems to want. If you are unsure, let their questions be your guide as to what they are ready to know. Above all, don't shut your children out. No matter what their age, make sure they know that they are loved and you are grateful to have them in your life.
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