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# Critical Role Campaign 2 Episode 134 ## The Streets of the Forgotten MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. ALL: (discordant yelling) We play Dungeons & Dragons! MATT: Indeed. Before we jump into tonight's episode, we do have some announcements to get through, beginning with our first sponsor for the night, our returning sponsor actually, NordVPN. Sam, take it away. Sam? Sam? Right, right, right. Okay. Long story, but Sam was actually a level 20 hack master known as [email protected], And, well... MARISHA: He always used NordVPN for the highest-quality encryption for internet traffic. And it hides your IP and physical location, with more than 5,400 servers in 59 countries. I mean, it's easy to get better speed and protection with one simple click. Poor bastard. ASHLEY: Yeah. You know, Sam always knew that it's available on every platform. MARISHA: He did. ASHLEY: Yeah, including Windows, iOS, Android and Linux. Ly-nux? Linux. MARISHA: Linux. ASHLEY: I know computers really well. MARISHA: Such a good haxxor. ASHLEY: (tearfully) He wanted you all to go to nordvpn.com/criticalrole or use code criticalrole to get a two-year plan plus one additional month with a huge 70% discount. MARISHA: I mean, Sam waged a digital battle for the freedom of the Nordiverse, until someone sliced him and turned him into a gleaming cube of energy. MATT: Yeah. Sorry about that. But where is this spectacular gleaming cube? MARISHA: Yeah. ASHLEY: I don't have it. LIAM: Wait a minute. Travis! Are you... Are you eating Sam?! TRAVIS: What? Oh. My bad. No, just gleam-- (chokes) (laughter) The gleam cube was made out of cake. (laughter) ASHLEY: What? TRAVIS: I thought it was my-- (laughter) LIAM: We're very upset right now. TRAVIS: Thought it was my birthday. (laughter) MARISHA: But it's not your birthday! TRAVIS: (high-pitched) I know. That's why I thought it was weird. LAURA: Oh my god. You ate a slice of BlackWil-- BlackWil-- I can't even say his login handle. MARISHA: Oh, I'm going to barf. TRAVIS: Laura, are you-- Are you crying? LAURA: I'm fine, Travis. It's not like he was the only man I ever loved. LIAM: That spirit cube contained 10,000 zetabytes of BlackWillow's computer knowledge. All the Super Meat Boy ciphers, all the No Man's Sky cheat codes, every Dharma he ever Gregged. And now... TRAVIS: It's in my belly? LIAM: How do you feel? TRAVIS: Well, you know, now that you mention it, I do feel a little woozy. (electronic distortion) ASHLEY: What's happening? LAURA: What? [upbeat electronic music] TRAVIS: Maybe I should just unlink my black water capacitor, hard target the maximum risk, cyborg the Time Cop and kickbox the JCVD. MARISHA: Holy Emma Bunton! Those were legit computer hacker terms. But how? TRAVIS: What's happening to me? How do I know all of this, and how am I surfing the net with my arms? ASHLEY: By consuming Sam, you've somehow become leet! TRAVIS: Whoa. Maybe I'll hack into the Domino's servers and get us all free pizzas. ASHLEY: Ooh! TALIESIN: Free pizza is the least of your concerns, young crypto-prodigy. There's a nano storm coming. TRAVIS: What do you mean? TALIESIN: A great disturbance in the internet. I've sensed it, a snitch in our servers, a ghost in our shell, a robot in our Frank. Something not of this world. TRAVIS: Well, what am I supposed to do about it? I'm just a noob. TALIESIN: No, you are... The Two. TRAVIS: The-- The Two? [music abruptly stops] TALIESIN: Yeah, like Neo in The Matrix. TRAVIS: Oh, you mean The One? TALIESIN: They did that already, so you're The Two. Your hacker name is Number Two. TRAVIS: I don't want to be The Two. TALIESIN: (sighing) Sorry, that's the prophecy. TRAVIS: Well, can't we come up with something else, like CyberCowboy69, or I don't know, The Sentinel, but spelled with all numbers? TALIESIN: Listen to me, Number Two. If you're going to save the mainframe, [upbeat electronic music] you need me to train you. TRAVIS: You? What's your trainer code name? TALIESIN: They call me Morpheus. TRAVIS: What!? You said I couldn't be The One. TALIESIN: Names aren't important, Number Two, we need to begin your training. (laughter) TRAVIS: Let me guess, the next time NordVPN sponsors our show? TALIESIN: You're already learning, Number Two. Matt, hack to you. (sputtering laughter) MATT: Thank you, everyone for that. (light applause) ASHLEY: Wow. MATT: Well done, Travis. That commitment, the commitment. LIAM: Wow. ASHLEY: Who does Number Two work for? MATT: All I could think of was, "Who is Number One? You are Number Six. I am not a number, I am a free man!" For all you ancient Brit TV appreciators out there. Thank you, NordVPN, for sticking around-- (laughter) LIAM: All at once. MATT: -- with this deep lore. And thank you to our second sponsor for the night, and all of campaign two, D&D Beyond. (cheering) D&D Beyond is an amazing online digital tool set to maintain and customize your campaigns and create your characters and maintain them on an online database. They have digital dice to use on it. You can have all of your friends' characters in your campaign. They have their master tier subscription plan for DMs in which all their digital books are shared with everybody in the campaign. They put them on, it's awesome. Go to dndbeyond.link/master if you want to learn more. For the next batch of announcements, Marisha, you have some things to discuss. MARISHA: I do, that's me! Thank you so much for joining us live on Twitch and YouTube. To join our live and moderated chat, head on over to our Twitch channel. Yeah. Also, hot off the presses, the content presses. Our newest episode of Crit Recap Animated summarizes the Mighty Nein's adventures from campaign two, episode nine through episode 16. LAURA: (impressive belch) MARISHA: It's out on YouTube. Nice. Stick around during the break if you want to watch the episode. We're going to air it or go check it out. Also, I never do this. So I never ask, go like and comment and share Crit Recap Animated, because the YouTube algorithm... The YouTube algorithm. Next-- (laughter) -- is Narrative Telephone is back next week, with a story by Travis Willingham and special guest good friend of the Crit Role team, Aabria Iyengar. (cheering) Joining us. Legendary dungeon master, she's awesome. Catch the stream on Tuesday, April 20th at 4:00pm Pacific on Twitch, and look out for the VOD on YouTube Thursday, April 22nd. TRAVIS: Yeah! ASHLEY: Woo! MARISHA: Content! MATT: There you go. MARISHA: Done. MATT: Thank you, Marisha. And for our final announcement for tonight, Ashley Johnson, if you don't mind. ASHLEY: Ooh, hello! LIAM: Oh shit! TRAVIS: Let's go! ASHLEY: So today you may have noticed, we launched a brand new fundraising campaign with our longtime friends, 826 LA. (cheering) As a quick refresher, for some of you who may not know: 826 LA is a non-profit organization dedicated to sharpening writing skills and unlocking creativity in students from underserved areas here in Los Angeles, and we've been working with these wonderful folks over there, since I guess, the very beginning of our streams, and we're excited to continue to support the wonderful and incredible work that they do. So here's the nitty gritty. Together, we hope to build out a writer's room for students at Venice High School, which is a Title I school here in Los Angeles. And writer's rooms are crucial areas in schools that allow students to further develop writing skills and seek mentorship as they prepare to apply to and head off to college. This will be 826 LA's third writer's room here in Los Angeles and if we are able to hit our goal of $150,000, the room will open in spring 2022. So this is a wonderful opportunity for us to join forces for good once again, and create a meaningful and long lasting impact in the lives of many young people for many years to come. So head on over to criticalrolefoundation.org to learn more and to donate, right now! SAM: Do it! TRAVIS: Woo! MARISHA: It is great because today you're dressed like a creative writing professor. (laughter) TRAVIS: Did you read The Great Gatsby? ASHLEY: You can also crochet some sleeves on your-- No. TRAVIS: Philip K. Dick is my hero. MATT: Fantastic. Thank you, Ashley. And thank you everybody for your amazing support of these charitable endeavors and your support now of 826 LA and all the incredible work that they do. So appreciate that. Without further ado, I think that finishes our announcements. Let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role. (water bubbling) (thunder rumbling) (explosion) âª Role âª âª Critical Role âª âª Critical Role âª âª Mighty Nein, Mighty Nein âª âª Roll the dice âª âª Roll the dice, dice, dice âª âª The adventure begins âª âª They were always beside you âª âª Your nerdy best friends âª âª And the DM to guide you âª âª And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead âª âª Villains beware 'cause you're about to be dead âª âª They got magic and flair âª âª They got falchions and cunning âª âª They don't see over there âª âª There's a monster incoming âª âª Inspiration is waiting âª âª Rise up, don't think twice âª âª Put your fate in your hands âª âª Take a chance, roll the dice âª âª Roll the dice âª âª Critical Role (roll the dice) âª âª Critical Role (roll the dice) âª âª Can you answer the call? âª âª Diggin' deep in your soul âª âª As the legend unfolds âª âª Now it's your turn (your turn, your turn) âª âª To roll âª (flames whooshing) And welcome back. So last we left off: The Mighty Nein have trekked back to Eiselcross. You've conscripted the aid of your longtime ally, the Shadowhand, Essek Thelyss, to join you into the ruins of the ancient magical city of Aeor proper. Upon arriving, you inspected some of the space within. You set a trap for the Tomb Takers and successfully managed to ensnare them, killing three, and the only remaining members being Lucien and Cree. In this climactic moment, as you rushed in to finish them off, once and for all, the last trick up their sleeve allowed Cree and Lucien to escape, shunting themselves past the tunnel that you were safeguarding, and collapsing it behind them via some sort of magical quake. You had just finished killing off the remaining members of the Tomb Takers that lie there, bleeding and unconscious. But as you take a moment and watch the dust settle, the rumbling fade, and you all look at each other in the low light, feeling the immensity wash over you of what just transpired, we come into tonight's game. So what would you like to do? ASHLEY, MARISHA, LIAM: (sigh) MARISHA: Is anyone crazy hurt? SAM: Oh god. Oh god. MARISHA: Anyone get hit? TALIESIN: Anybody? LAURA: I mean, I'm still hurt from the frost giants. MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: They just got away, right? LAURA: They just got away. The rubble is is literally in front of us right now. SAM: Should we pursue or anything? LAURA: I mean, we should probably get all these rocks out of the way or something. TRAVIS: I'm sorry I didn't wake you up sooner. I was hoping that we would have more time for a rest, but they were on us, and I chose to let you sleep, I'm sorry. ASHLEY: It's okay. SAM: Did the guards warn us? TRAVIS: They did. SAM: Oh. TRAVIS: They communicated with Essek. I thought there might be more time. LAURA: We needed it. TALIESIN: We still need it. MARISHA: I know, we're so close. TRAVIS: But if we're going to follow them, we should try and make up ground, yes? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: It's going to take some time to clear this. Also, we did just do a heavy number on them as well. TALIESIN: I think we call this and take the win. Last time we tried this idea of running them down, it didn't go well. TRAVIS: That's true. LAURA: But what? We call this? What do you mean? TALIESIN: We sleep and we pick up-- Well, I have an idea. I do have an idea, but we need to sleep. LAURA: Well, then say it! LIAM: Yeah. TALIESIN: I should show it. It's hard to explain. SAM: Oh. TRAVIS: Go for it. TALIESIN: But it's-- SAM: Show it? TALIESIN: It's in the city. It's something I found in the city. I have a weird idea. LAURA: Well, we have to get through the rubble in order to get there. TALIESIN: Well, we're going to have to-- before we sleep, I think we're going to have to get in there, because that might be the place. LIAM: Are these two on the ground, they're breathing? They're dead? MATT: If I recall, before we finished last time, you finished off the remaining members, yeah. LIAM: Okay. ASHLEY: Is there any-- maybe any reason why we should take one of their heads or anything to talk to them later? LIAM: Yes. TALIESIN: Absolutely. TRAVIS: I think we popped off, well-- ASHLEY: Did we already do this? TRAVIS: We definitely popped off-- LIAM: Otis'. It's smaller, it'll travel easier. ASHLEY: That's right. TRAVIS: The other two, we just dispatched, but I don't know if we-- (laughter) It's the cake. (grunts) (laughter) We could take all three. (sword unsheaths) ASHLEY: I'll volunteer. MARISHA: Might not be a bad idea. TRAVIS: You take one, I'll take the other? ASHLEY: All right. TRAVIS: Yeah. (sword swings) LIAM: Once we have time to rest, I can put them in the amber, if we prefer. LAURA: We're going to rest? They could get all the way to the city. They could bring it back while we're sleeping. TRAVIS: Don't we need to know where they're going in the city that you flew over? TALIESIN: We do. MARISHA: I do think it's smart for you all to get a rest at some point in time. LAURA: Well, yeah, I can do nothing. TALIESIN: If we find them, what can we do, other than yell? LAURA: I mean, they're pretty hurt, too. Maybe we all just beat each other silly while we're bleeding to death. TALIESIN: I think their hurt and our hurt are a world of difference right now. LIAM: You got a better look at them. They are both hurt? TRAVIS: It looked like Cree had been more banged up than Lucien and got them both out at the same time. But again, if they're on the other side of that rubble, and if they're going into that city and we don't know which house, or which wall, or the secret area, we're going to be lost, unless we have a way of tracking them that I'm not aware of? MARISHA: That's an excellent point. Do we have any way? LAURA: If we sleep, I'll be able to track them. TALIESIN: With sleep, I can track them, too. MARISHA: What is your plan? Because we can't get through the city now. TALIESIN: So if we get back in there, I found this amphitheater, theater of some kind, filled with corpses. They were watching this person who was on stage, who, I don't know, had an air of power. They were frozen in those bubbles, the way that some people are. I think this person might've been fighting whatever happened. Maybe if we wake them up, we might have an ally in finding a way to stop this. It might be crazy. I was going to maybe talk to somebody in the crowd to see if they could tell us who this person is. It might be someone who can help. LAURA: Oh, yeah. That's smart. MARISHA: We tried to dispel it before, though, didn't we? TALIESIN: We have help now. LAURA: That's true. Essek might have a better idea of what to do. I'm pulling rocks, looking for loose rocks that-- MATT: All right, so as you guys head back into the tunnel, Essek's like, "Well, obviously I was extremely capable of dispelling that thing that was on your chest before." LAURA: I did that, Essek. MATT: "I realize that. That's the point. I was being sarcastic." LAURA: Oh, okay, I just wanted to remind you. MATT: "I appreciate that. But nevertheless," and you see, as he starts putting his hands out in front like this, like he's soft throwing objects forward. You watch as rocks start (rumble) coming out as he's just plucking them as he pulls the gravity from them, aiding you as you guys go along, he's-- LIAM: How thick does this look? MATT: You can make a perception or investigation check. LIAM: Yeah, I'll investigate it. SAM: I'm going to try to dig through and retrieve my unspent Fluffernutter. MATT: Okay, go ahead and make an investigation. LAURA: I'm pulling from the top so that we could potentially just move the top layer of rocks and crawl through. MATT: Okay. LAURA: So we're not trying to clear the whole fucking tunnel. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Hurt Locker. MATT: Glancing through, this hallway that you guys traveled through is pretty well-reinforced on the sides, and elements of it did hold pretty well. This quake definitely found the weak parts, and the elements that did collapse, you can see there are probably two batches or two sections of about 10 feet, that are more or less fallen in, of loose rock, some larger than others, but it's not an extensive cave in. It's hard to say how long it'll take, but if it's all hands on deck, it may be quicker. LAURA: If we're pulling rocks and they've fallen from way above, it's a potential that the entire ground could collapse on us and kill us all, right? MATT: It's possible. LAURA: Cool, cool, cool. Cool, cool, cool. ASHLEY: I'll help as well. TALIESIN: Who's hurt, by the way? MARISHA: Yeah, same. TRAVIS: I'll keep going. LAURA: I mean, I'm down. I'm down. LIAM: A little bit. MATT: All right. Everyone's helping. I'd like everyone to make an athletics check for me as a group. LAURA: Guidance. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: 11. MATT: All righty. LIAM: 15. LAURA: 18. MATT: 15. 18. SAM: 12. MATT: 12. ASHLEY: 14. MATT: 14. TALIESIN: Seven. MATT: Seven. MARISHA: 25. MATT: 25. LIAM: Except for the legs. MATT: It takes a little longer than you had maybe hoped, but you do manage, within the next 15, 20 or so minutes, to pull enough rocks free of that first section that there's enough space to crawl through and not feel like you're going to shift loose any additional load-bearing portions of the rock above you. And you can see there's a small pocket above, where one of these heavy pieces of shale shifted a bit and was leaning inward, but, thankfully, you could probably make it through okay. As you crawl your way through that first batch, Essek glides through and then reaches out and pulls out something, and clutches it near his face. "It's Dagen." (gasping) TALIESIN: (deep exhale) MATT: "Right. Yes, head back and let them know. Thank you. There are some rangers lost, many injured, but there are some survivors. That was their warning call to let us know that the Tomb Takers were coming." SAM: So they're okay? MATT: "Some. Dagen seemed a little worse for wear, but he was speaking at least." LIAM: Well, there's no choice but to go forward. SAM: Should we get the rest of them down here to help us? MARISHA: Might just be best for them to head back, relay the message. SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: All right. For the second passage, everyone please make one more athletics check. TRAVIS: Come on, man. Much better this time. LIAM: Three. TRAVIS: Yes. 24. LAURA: Nine. MATT: Three. SAM: 15. ASHLEY: 19. TALIESIN: Natural one for five. MARISHA: 24. ASHLEY: (sighs) SAM: Not great. MATT: This one takes a little longer. Roughly 25 minutes, and a couple of precarious moments where you pull one rock free, and a few more slide back in, and everyone freezes for a second, afraid that the next collapse is going to happen. And then one by one, carefully find the looser bits, and then open before yourselves a passage where most of you can travel through comfortably, couple of you not as comfortably. But eventually you climb through the opposite end. Right about where that bend at the top of the incline was, you can see there is the bridge board that went across. It has fallen somewhat in, but it can be readjusted and placed back. No, that was the rope you guys had placed. TRAVIS, LAURA: Mm-hmm. MATT: That's right. But you had taken the rope. MARISHA: We left the rope. LAURA: We did leave the rope. MATT: You did leave the rope? LIAM: Used the rope to lower down. MATT: Correct, so the rope would still be there, though a large portion of it is currently-- LIAM: Buried. MATT: -- buried. But it is still a taut rope across the way, so. MARISHA: I'll Naruto run across. MATT: Easy enough for you, Miss Beauregard. With your help and with the rope taut, we'll say, for the ease of time, carefully, you make your way across. SAM: I will Beau-ruto run across. MARISHA: Mm, that's better. TRAVIS: Wow. MATT: You feel a little shown up by the next generation, I'm sorry. MARISHA: Yeah, yeah. (laughs) (laughter) LIAM: They're very similar, though. Very, very similar. TRAVIS: I will Zetsu climb up. (laughter) MATT: Well, you eventually reach the end of the tunnel and it opens up once more into the ward where you've previously been, the same darkened, massive chamber before you with the various glowing pin lights of color in the shadowed distance. The neighborhood lies before you. What would you like to do? LAURA: Is there dust on the ground? Can we see footprints that they've left? Anything like that? MATT: You can make an investigation check, if you'd like. TRAVIS: Do we check for traps or anything? No booby traps? SAM: Oh, because they were here. LIAM: Ja. TRAVIS: I think they were probably moving. LIAM: An hour ago they were here. SAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: An hour ago. SAM: Have we walked through the threshold into the vast chamber of the city, or? MATT: You are at the threshold currently. SAM: I'll just scan around the threshold, see if there's anything up, or on the sides. Traps. TRAVIS: Giving us a taste of our own medicine. MATT: Looking for traps? Perception or investigation, your call. LAURA: 24. SAM: 23. MATT: All right. You do not see any traps. You do see signs of travel, not because there are any footprints necessarily that kept your attention, but because there are some fresh dots of blood. MARISHA: Blood? Oh. ASHLEY: Okay. TRAVIS: They bleed. SAM: Well, can we follow these dots? MARISHA: Up until she heals herself, I guess. But yeah. SAM: Sure, let's do it. MATT: All right. Who wants to lead the tracking? This would be survival-based. LAURA: Hold on. TRAVIS: Not it. LAURA: My survival's pretty decent. MARISHA: Mine's okay. Plus four. LIAM: Mine is too, and I will, if you're all good with it, I will cast Detect Magic as well and try to search. MATT: Certainly. Okay, searching for? LIAM: Their direction to follow along as far as possible, while also, for at least the first 10 minutes, seeing if any kind of glyphs or wards, taste of our own medicine, like you said, is waiting for us. MATT: You've got it. LAURA: Probably still be pretty quiet as we move through here. MATT: Okay. As you expand your consciousness to reach for anything arcane around you, what'd you roll? LIAM: 11. MATT: 11, okay. You feel pretty confident. Where are you guys heading within the ward? LAURA: We're following the blood. MATT: Okay. You continue along, and you rolled what for survival? LAURA: I didn't roll for survival. MATT: Oh, then you should roll for survival now, or whoever's helming that, I should say. SAM: The blood check, unless-- Wait, Caleb, were you doing it? LIAM: I thought I was. I thought that's what the 11 was. LAURA: 23, 24. No, way higher than that. MATT: Okay, I will say. Were you both rolling, or were you--? LAURA: I thought you were rolling for Detect Magic. I didn't realize-- LIAM: There is no rolling for Detect Magic. LAURA: Oh. LIAM: It just does it. MATT: Right, okay. And you rolled one die? LAURA: I rolled a 19, plus four, plus five. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: 28. LIAM: I like that number. MATT: Pretty good. So between the two of you, keeping an eye out and carefully watching, the blood trail is not extensive, but it is fairly consistent for a bit. Meaning about every 30 or so feet you can find a sign of some sort of additional blot, scattered bit, fresh enough to the point where it's still wet. You begin to make your way steadily through the ward, and you can see it begins to dive off the main road and off a bit, continuing on for another 10, 15 or so minutes. And you begin to find yourselves deep, deep in the Praesidis Ward. Glancing around, the air still has that tense silence to it. That stillness where your ears, aside from the sound of your very careful footsteps, occasionally you stop and listen, it's almost oppressive how quiet it is. Pressing in on the eardrums. And you continue. Are you going carefully? LAURA: Yes. LIAM: Caduceus, when you took your little trip around, was there a passage in the direction generally that we are headed in? TALIESIN: I don't think I saw any passage. MATT: You didn't go far enough. TALIESIN: Are we heading in the direction of the colosseum? MATT: Loosely. TALIESIN: All right. MATT: Yeah, it's a little bit of a side path, but it's kind of in the direction you're going currently, yeah. TALIESIN: Never got far enough. LIAM: Okay. TALIESIN: This place is big. LAURA: We should move stealthily. LIAM: Ja. MATT: All right, so this will be slower travel, but I would like everyone to make a stealth check, please. LAURA: I'm going to give you Blessing of the Trickster. TRAVIS: Oh, thank you. LAURA: That gives you advantage. TALIESIN: (blows raspberry) LIAM: Come on, Colville die. TALIESIN: Fuck me. TRAVIS: That's a good thing. First one was a three. Second one's a natural 20. LAURA: Yeah! MATT: Nice, so a total of? TRAVIS: 20. (laughter) MATT: Jester? LAURA: 18. MATT: 18. LIAM: 12. SAM: 34. ASHLEY: Nine. MARISHA: Nein! TALIESIN: Four. MARISHA: 21. LIAM: I get second-hand adrenaline from those rogue rolls, man. MATT: That 20 may have saved you all. MARISHA: Yeah, no shit. TRAVIS: Blessing of the Trickster. MATT: Careful as you go, occasionally a few of you begin to stumble or step into some loose rubble, and as it's about to crack, a hand reaches out and grabs you, helping you steady, preventing you from falling and causing a ruckus. You continue onward, following the intense, dark-cutting eyes of Jester, who follows the blood trail. (laughter) Continuing on-- ASHLEY: Good investigation face. Look at her. She's so focused. TRAVIS: Love that your glasses fogged up right when you did that. LAURA: I know, I can't-- I just want to drink the tea and I can't. LIAM: How long has it been, roughly? MATT: Since the battle? LIAM: Since we start-- No, no, no, no. Since we started tracking the blood. MATT: Since you started tracking it? It's been about, I'd say, at the pace you're going, 15 or so minutes. LIAM: I'm going to throw up Detect Magic again. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Total time since we separated is an hour and a half? MATT: Approximately, yeah. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: With the time it took you to take out the rubble. LIAM: First rubble was 15-ish minutes. Second was 25-ish. MATT: Correct. TRAVIS: 40, okay. MARISHA: Are the blood splatters still a consistent size or are they diminishing? MATT: At this moment, they seem consistent and it's enough where you could tell there was a brisk pace being taken. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: It's also hard to know if it's from a wound or are they using the blood to heal themselves? MATT: It's hard to tell with these two. TRAVIS: Fuck. MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: It could even be-- MARISHA: A honeypot. LIAM: It could even be-- yeah. TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: It's their leading us off course. I guess I'll track that, too. While Jester's following the blood trail, can I just track footsteps and see footprints, if there's any type of looking like they've covered their tracks. Just keep an eye out for any funny business. MATT: Okay, make a perception check. MARISHA: Not investigation? MATT: In this instance, this is a quick glance as you go. This isn't a stop and carefully spend five minutes in the dust. You guys are moving forward, unless you'd like to stop. MARISHA: I should just feed into perception. 18. LIAM: That's pretty good. MATT: 18's pretty good. MARISHA: It's pretty good. MATT: Okay. The footprints that you can now begin to make out, as opposed to the previous entrance to this ward, there's now a lot more rock, rubble, dust, and just general debris around where you can make out where the footsteps near this trail are, and it does appear to be a fairly elongated gait. There is a haste in travel. You do not think that they've stopped or have taken care in guarding their path, from what you can tell. MARISHA: Okay, okay. MATT: We're a few minutes away from-- you can just begin to see at this distance at a bit of the glow, the massive shape of the amphitheater that you had previously arrived at within this ward. TALIESIN: Is it worth stopping to see if we can get some help? LAURA: I mean, how far off the path is it? MATT: It'll take you maybe five minutes to run there. LAURA: (uncertain noise) You're great. We could get to the amphitheater and get back to this exact spot, because you'll be able to find the way. LIAM: Absolutely, but I wonder, we're talking about taking a rest, and we're following a fresh trail, we think, if they're not fucking with us. Do we stop and detour to try to enlist the dead, or do we try to follow this trail as long as it is fresh? Even if we know we are going to try to rest relatively soon, I don't know. I'm just-- MARISHA: Even if we could just get a general direction to where, if we get on the path and we know that that is the direction they're for sure headed. LIAM: That's what I'm thinking is if we just go a little, not abandon the amphitheater, but if we follow a little bit further, and maybe can ascertain where, from this massive chamber, wherein they're going. TRAVIS: Yeah. LIAM: And then we know we're stopping anyway, so. If one of the other Tomb Takers happens to know where they're going, we can always ask. Right. LAURA: Oh, that's true. MARISHA: That's true. TRAVIS: Time totals on needing to talk to a dead head is instantaneous? TALIESIN: Pretty much. Yeah. TRAVIS: And Dispel, and anything else we would try on the blue globule is instantaneous? Okay. TALIESIN: We'd want to talk to somebody in the crowd to make sure that this wasn't a problem. LAURA: A bad guy? TRAVIS: Right. TALIESIN: Bad guy. TRAVIS: Sabotage from the inside. Also, don't want to let out, like, a super powerful wizard from a thousand years ago, but I'm sure that's not the case. TALIESIN: Maybe, you'll see. LAURA: They're probably not all like Halas. TRAVIS: Probably. (spookily) Mostly. TALIESIN: Mostly. SAM: So we all keep pursuing? LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Yes, for now. LIAM: I think we should. TRAVIS: Yeah, Caleb has it right. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: All right. Follow the blood. LAURA: Keep following the blood. LIAM: And I'll have Caduceus point the way to the amphitheater, so that I know, using Keen Mind, where we are now, where it was, and I can probably do the math later. MATT: Okay. LIAM: You've got a triangle. TALIESIN: It's not hard to spot. LAURA: We can see the dome, too. MATT: It's fairly large compared to a lot of the surrounding buildings. It's just at certain angles, because it's so dark in here, there is no skyline of the buildings. So only at certain points, do some of the lights pass by or around the shape to where you can make it out, but beyond those moments, it just blends in with the rest of the darkness of the cavern. The city just kind of appears in shapes as you move and it vanishes. So, continuing onward, for about how long do you want to follow? LAURA: I don't-- SAM: Do we reach-- I mean, forever. MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: As long as we get to the end of the city. TRAVIS: Like a thousand feet. LAURA: Yeah. I think we want to know where we're going pretty much, so we'll follow it as long as we can. LIAM: Right. MATT: Okay. LIAM: And if we stumble upon them, we still have numbers. TRAVIS: We do. LIAM: I'm not completely tapped. Does anybody have any reserves left? TRAVIS: Yes. LIAM: You, you? LAURA: Yeah, Caduceus has a lot of spells left, I think. TALIESIN: Yeah, but it's all, I mean, I didn't come in here looking for a fight. If we get into one-- LIAM: Understood. TALIESIN: -- I can just keep some of you-- LIAM: It's just if we step on a bear trap, I mean, you know? TRAVIS: Yep. TALIESIN: As long as it's not me. LAURA: I've got some low levels. LIAM: Okay. All right, let's push forward and see if we can figure out if they're trying to exit out the side of this space or down a hole. MATT: Okay. I would like you to make another survival check. LIAM: Can I assist her, as I am detecting magic? MATT: If you'd like. LIAM: Just roll an advantage, girl. LAURA: 20. MATT: 20. Okay, the path is a little more challenging to continue following. The blood trail begins to thin, and about 10 more minutes forward, you notice the path is bending a little bit to the right. The darting between alleys, between structures, it's not a continuous forward motion, it's tending to curve in a somewhat right-hand direction, which, Caleb, you would know would be more of a southern direction from where you were facing as opposed to going the kind of eastern path that you all were originally heading. LIAM: Right. And I, because of the feat, know where north is always, so I'm a little GPS. MATT: Exactly. But eventually that blood begins to fade, and it comes to a stop, right next to a different building to the left of where you're standing. It was once probably an incredible, multi-tiered, opulent temple-like structure, but it now stands at a very precarious angle. It looks like the majority of it is fallen in on one side and is leaning slightly to a left, in a Leaning Tower of Pisa kind of way. Though, structurally much more damaged. And it is sitting within a deeply fallen sinkhole. About 20 or so feet beneath, it has pushed into the ground and then fallen to that side. Surrounding it, you can see numerous deep cracks that spiral up around from the base of where it currently stands, and sundered grounds of earth and trees and bits of garden that have fallen the sinkhole, where all the greenery now lies gray and pale. But you do see an opening into the structure. LIAM: Is it petrified? MATT: Well, as I've learned, petrified does not mean what I thought it meant my entire life, as was clarified on Twitter for me. SAM: Twitter is the best. MATT: Exactly. You learn forcefully. SAM: It's like science class. MATT: No, thank you. LIAM: "I like chocolate." "Vanilla." MATT: Yep. (laughs) MARISHA: A dictionary that tells you when you're wrong. MATT: The plant life does not appear to be alive, and has lost its color, but you are not close enough to fully inspect-- LIAM: Okay. MATT: To get any sort of sense of what its current state is beyond the pale coloration of the leaves, and the bark, and other garden elements. LIAM: And did you say that the blood, that the trail is leading to this? MATT: It's adjacent to it. LIAM: Adjacent. SAM: And the leaves are on the structure? MATT: They're in the sinkhole based around it, like it was sitting in this slightly circular garden courtyard, and then it all fell in about 20 feet, and the temple (rumbling crash) fell to the side slightly. SAM: Should we go take a look at the petrified plants or what's inside that temple thing? LIAM: Only if we think they went in here. Can we take a closer look and see if turned off towards this? SAM: Jester, did they? LAURA: I mean, this is where the trail ends. They could've wandered off that direction, they could've have gone in the building. LIAM: So it's just evaporating here, the trail? MATT: You know the direction it's going, but at least the blood, which is what you've been primarily following this entire time, has come to a halt. MARISHA: Are there footsteps heading into the temple? MATT: You want to go ahead and make a perception check? MARISHA: I do. LAURA: I'm going to Guide you. MATT: Or investigation. LIAM: I'm going to investigate. I'm going to search. MARISHA: I can investigate this one? MATT: Are you taking a moment to-- MARISHA: Yeah, I'll take a moment. MATT: -- to carefully look around, it you want to. LAURA: I'm going to just give you lots of pats and one of them is going to give you Guidance. MATT: This does take time, but yes. MARISHA: Okay. Investigation. Guidance has plus four? TALIESIN: d4. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: Perception is a quick glance, investigation is on the ground. MARISHA: 21. LIAM: I looked as well. MATT: Like Rick Moranis-ing from Honey I Shrunk the Kids. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Just pouring through the grass. TRAVIS: Like Hammock Rick. LAURA: Like, yeah. I love that. MATT: Sorry, what were you saying? LIAM: Oh, I said that I looked as well and rolled a 24 for investigation. MATT: Okay, and? MARISHA: 21. MATT: 21. Okay. TRAVIS: Honey I Shrunk the Kids. LAURA: That movie's so good. TRAVIS: That magnify. MATT: You can see footprints. Because there isn't a lot of weather in here, it's a little hard to tell which have been long trekked, versus what is fresh. The fresh blood trail was what was really guiding you as to what was new and what was uniquely recent. There are numerous footprints in the region. There are some that head around to where the structure is, some that continue on the path where you guys were currently walking, some that bend back this way. And you do also continue to find more and more mummified bodies that are now strewn out in the sides of the street. Probably a little more dense than some of the previous roads you were traveling. So you find footprints. LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Someone goes in the building, someone lights up the hole? MARISHA: Yeah, because if they're camping right inside or something. LIAM: Yeah, either they passed this or perhaps this thing is sunken in, it could be that there is a passage down under this place, yeah? MARISHA: That's what I was thinking as well. LIAM: Yeah, yeah. TRAVIS: Because it doesn't cost anything, I'll use Divine Sense. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: 60 feet, celestial, fiend, undead. MATT: Okay, and you are encompassing just the space in the road? TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll go right up in between the sinkhole and the building, and just see if there's anything camping out. MATT: You get a very strong sense of something within the structure. LAURA: (gasps) Uh-oh. SAM: Something alive or just something? TRAVIS: Something. Can I tell? MATT: Does it specify that you can tell what the source is? TRAVIS: Can detect good and evil. "Until the end of next turn, you can sense anything affected by the Hallow spell, and the location of any celestial, fiend, or undead within 60 feet that is not behind total coverage." MATT: I will say that it is not behind total cover. You can just faintly make out something in there. TRAVIS: Okay. There is something, I don't know what, inside the building. LAURA: Oh. TRAVIS: Of a celestial, fiend, or undead nature. LAURA: Are there cracks that you could maybe see through on the outside of the building? Like, we could get a little peeksies on the inside without peeking your head in the door? MATT: Possibly. Do you want to do that? LAURA: Sure. TALIESIN: Are we poking this badger? Okay, we're poking the badger. MARISHA: I think we just want to see what it is. MATT: So you climb down through the sinkhole to go up to the building to look in through one of the holes? LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: You're doing this? LAURA: I already said it. TALIESIN: Okay. MATT: Okay. So you all watch as Jester begins to skip down into the sinkhole amongst the-- LAURA: I'm not skipping, I'm being careful. TALIESIN: You want a heal or something? Okay, never mind. SAM: You want some help, or are you okay? LAURA: Sure. LIAM: I cast Detect Magic again and follow her down quietly. SAM: Oh good. Caleb's got it. (laughter) Everybody else stay. I'll go, too. LAURA: I'm being careful. MATT: As you're stepping through, it's a softer descent. The ground itself is soft earth and dirt that has been churned and left to rest where it's settled. It's a unique departure from the harsh, dark, broken stone ground you've been walking on for close to an hour at this point, if not more. Soft ground gives way under your weight, and you eventually come to the edge of the structure, and you can see it is intricate in its detailing, these layers, it has this beautiful craftsmanship to the exterior, and the closer you get, the more intricate details you can see carved into the stonework. A bunch of decorative glyphs and writing, though it does not appear to be sentences more than just elements of some of the language you've seen before scattered amongst the temple itself. "The temple." It looks temple-y. LAURA: Any things we would recognize from words we've already read? MATT: Not in particular, no, but you can make a perception check if you want to peer through one crack that has a slight opening in it to see what's inside. LAURA: (laughs) SAM: It's a locker room, they're changing. LAURA: Is it perception? MATT: Do you have darkvision? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Yeah, it's perception. LAURA: 26. MATT: 26, not bad. Glancing inside, you don't see much, but you see a lot of tumbled structure, and fallen shelves and slabs and decoration. It looks like when this temple, the structure, settled, many things from probably higher up and within it fell and collapsed into a central space. And from what you can glance in and see, part of the floor has fallen in as well. From the exterior, it looks like it sustained some damage, on the inside, it looks like it's even more of a mess. LAURA: Do I see any movement? MATT: You do not currently see any movement. LAURA: Do I see any glowies? Anything giving off any kind of light source? MATT: Nope, it is dark in there. You can make out the shape of things with your darkvision, but nothing else is catching your attention through this minute crack. LAURA: It looks like the floor has caved in in there. LIAM: Can I look? LAURA: Yeah, but do you have darkvision? LIAM: I have Detect Magic on. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: Is anything glowing in there to my eye? MATT: For 30-foot range? LIAM: It is 30-foot, yeah. MATT: 30-foot? Yeah. You get a very faint magical aura from within a structure of the rubble down deeper in the floor, like just at the edge of that range. LIAM: Do I get a flavor for what school? MATT: Necromancy. LIAM: Hmm? MATT: Necromancy. LIAM: Oh, good. LAURA: (unhappy noises) LIAM: That's my favorite. MATT: (laughs) LAURA: Okay. TALIESIN: Just for fun, I'm going to step to the edge of this, where everyone else is, and Eyes of the Grave, 60 feet undead. MATT: That you can see? TALIESIN: I will know the location of any undead within 60 feet that isn't behind total cover or that isn't protected from divination. MATT: Correct. From where you are currently, you don't sense anything. TALIESIN: Looking down, nothing? MATT: Make a perception check. TALIESIN: For fun. 28. MATT: 28. Pretty solid look, though there is no light source inside, and you did not have darkvision. So you need to roll again. TALIESIN: Oh. 29. So 28. MATT: So 28, yeah. Yeah, you glance around, you see the same thing that Jester saw, though it's still hard to make out details with almost no light in there whatsoever. TALIESIN: But the Detect Undead isn't getting any? MATT: Not at the moment. Not from this perspective, nothing. TRAVIS: That total cover thing. SAM: Okay, okay. Mighty Nein check in. TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: Okay, huddle up. SAM: Huddle up, huddle up. Something's in there. MARISHA: Yes. SAM: Probably not the Tomb Takers. LAURA: We don't know. MARISHA: Probably something bad. SAM: Probably not the Tomb Takers. So we either smartly leave, or we go inside. (laughs) MARISHA: Well-- SAM: Check it out. TALIESIN: Or we play with Plan B. TRAVIS: Do we think the way they went is down through the sinkhole or through the building? And we have to go through anyway? ASHLEY: We should probably just check. TRAVIS: (laughs) MARISHA: Yasha! ASHLEY: I'm sorry, I just-- TRAVIS: Miss "I want to keep playing some more!" at the end of every game. MARISHA: Yeah. ASHLEY: Hey man, I'm making up for lost time. TRAVIS: I know it. I know it. LIAM: It's also believable they've been here before-- MARISHA: New "Press the Button" person. LIAM: They figured out how to navigate this place, so if there's dead things down there, it doesn't mean that they didn't go that way. MARISHA: (laughs) SAM: Should we send in a scout, a Frump, or an invisible me, or both? Or should we just go in guns blazing? LIAM: Well, Frumpkin's not going to be able to see anything. LAURA: Oh, because he can't see in the dark? Can you put the goggles on Frumpkin? SAM: (laughs) That would be adorable. MARISHA: Why have we never tried that? LIAM: Meow! ASHLEY: That would be very cute. MARISHA: Can we do that? SAM: Does Sprinkle have darkvision? LAURA: But we might lose the-- MATT: You could certainly try. TALIESIN: Mm. MARISHA: I really like these goggles. LAURA: Sprinkle is a weasel. Weasels don't have darkvision. SAM: Ah. MARISHA: Is there any-- so we're kind of-- LAURA: But zombies do! MARISHA: We're at the end of the road. MATT: The road continues. To the left of the road is this structure. The blood splatters stopped on the road path. There is this massive structure right there, this temple-like tower that has fallen into a sinkhole and turned to its side. It looks like it's about maybe 120 feet from side to side from one edge of the tower to the other, maybe a little bit smaller. And you guys just went through the pale garden portion. You're up against the outer wall. MARISHA: What keeps going? If continued on this road. LAURA: Yeah, if we didn't go down the tower. MATT: The path that you guys were walking, the city path that winds and breaks and is disheveled and uneven in places from the destruction and the impact of the city of Aeor continues on in a southeastern direction through neighborhoods, through structures towards a heavy slate ceiling that descends to clip off the edge of this ward. LIAM: We check it and go, MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: We've got to check it and go. MARISHA: I mean, if it's at the end of the road. TALIESIN: We could talk to a severed head. LAURA: You can do that right now? TALIESIN: I can do that right now. MARISHA: Do you want to talk to a severed head while Veth and I get to the end of the tunnel and see what it is and come right back? LAURA: The tunnel, you mean the path? MARISHA: Mm-hmm. TALIESIN: You have five questions? MARISHA: Go up a little bit? ASHLEY: Multitask? MARISHA: Multitask, yeah. SAM: Sure. LAURA: Don't come running back with a monster chasing you. MARISHA: What happens? LAURA: I have experience with this. It's not good. MARISHA: (laughs) Oh yeah. Heard stories. All right, let's go. SAM: Yeah, you have the goggles still, right? Because I can't see shit. MARISHA: I do still have the goggles. SAM: Okay, cool. MARISHA: And you can be invisible or whatever. SAM: I mean, sure. MARISHA: If you need to. If we need to. SAM: Then I won't be able to see and you won't be able to see me. MARISHA: Yeah, only if we need to. Only if shit hits the fan. LAURA: What's the point of you going if you can't see anything? SAM: To protect. (laughter) MARISHA: We should have brought Yasha. Let's go. Let's go. ASHLEY: Can I go, actually? MARISHA: (laughs) Yeah. SAM: Who's asking? LAURA: Maybe just hold her hand, just hold hands. LIAM: I give her the driftglobe. Don't light it up unless you absolutely need it. But if you start to get eaten, you know, light it up. SAM: Thank you. LIAM: Yeah. SAM: How do I do it? Is it think of is it a word? LIAM: Yeah, you just think. SAM: Awesome. LIAM: Yeah. SAM: Let's rumble. MARISHA: All right. MATT: All right, I need both of you to make stealth checks, please. MARISHA: Lucky jade, lucky jade. SAM: 27. MARISHA: 17. MATT: 17, okay. You both continue following the path that you were already traveling in the direction where you believe the blood splatters were headed before they ended. MARISHA: Keeping an eye out for footsteps while we go. MATT: Indeed. MARISHA: Continue. MATT: We'll get to you guys in just a minute. What are the rest of you doing? LAURA: He's talking to a dead head. TALIESIN: Let's pick a head. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I could use a few more questions if anybody has any. ASHLEY: Which one do you want? MARISHA: Just for fun this time, though. LIAM: Where do you go in the city to access Lucien's goal? How much time does Lucien need to do what he's going to do at destination? LAURA: What do the eyes mean? LIAM: Yeah, that's a good one. LAURA: I don't think he's going to talk to us. TALIESIN: I'll do that one last. LAURA: Or if it does, I don't think they're going to even be aware of-- TALIESIN: There's a lot you can do. TRAVIS: Tyffial was the elf, Otis was the halfling mage, right? You probably want someone with a mind of what the overall plan was in case one knew more than the other. TALIESIN: We'll find out. MARISHA: Who you talking to? TALIESIN: Pick a head. ASHLEY: Yeah, who do you want? LIAM: Actually you have to say-- TRAVIS: That's what I was saying. LIAM: -- "tawaj." TRAVIS: Do we want to do the elven-- SAM: Tawhaj? LIAM: Tawhaj. ASHLEY: Who's the third one? TRAVIS: -- archer, or crossbow? The thing, maybe was a ranger? LAURA: The third one was the goliath. TRAVIS: Zoran. MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Zoran. MATT: Goliath, the elf, and the halfling. LAURA: Well, Zoran I do have a good relationship with. LIAM: "Fajar" for Daylight. TALIESIN: I have a plan. I'm going to make myself look like Cree. SAM: Great, got it, giraffe and? LIAM: Owha tagoo siam. ASHLEY: Good idea. TALIESIN: Weird. TRAVIS: Complete with eyes and everything? Love it. TALIESIN: So we pick a head. LAURA: Well then-- SAM: Which head are you picking? TRAVIS: Otis was the halfling mage, Tyffial was the elven ranger. TALIESIN: I think Otis is the way to go. Unless anyone's got a compelling reason not to. LAURA: If the elf was the ranger, they usually know the path. TALIESIN: Fair point. Okay. TRAVIS: Had a crossbow, I'm assuming a ranger thing, so. TALIESIN: I'm going to set that head up. MATT: Which one, the elf? TALIESIN: The elf. MATT: All right, so Tyffial. LAURA: Is the elf-- SAM: Wait, who's the elf? TRAVIS, MATT: Tyffial. LAURA: Tyffial. SAM: I thought that was a human. TALIESIN: And I'm going to cast Speak with Dead. MATT: All right. The head itself spattered with its own gore. One of the eyes a little cloudy upon closer inspection to the individual. As you finish channeling the Wild Mother's energy through you to take hold of this no longer warm, breathing body, this head that once housed the soul of this individual. The eyes looking off into the darkness suddenly go over and focus onto you. And the mouth seems to pull into a mild grin. TALIESIN: Do you remember going down and through this tower before? MATT: Make a deception check. TALIESIN: Oh fuck, man. LAURA: Oh no. Can I give-- MATT: You will have-- LAURA: -- give him Guidance? MATT: What's up? LAURA: Can I give him Guidance? Can I just have my foot touch his foot and give him Guidance? MATT: (laughs) Not for this question. TALIESIN: I was planning on giving myself Guidance, but yeah, I forgot, so. MATT: Yeah, you did. But you do get advantage because you do look like Cree. LAURA: Okay, okay, that's good. TALIESIN: Ooh! Thank god. 20. MATT: 20. One eye kind of twitches for a second. "Not exactly. Why would we?" TALIESIN: Which way did we go to get to our destination? MATT: Make another deception check. TALIESIN: Fuck. MARISHA: Come on, come on. TALIESIN: With advantage? MATT: This one with advantage as well, because you are asking questions that Cree would likely have known, and-- TALIESIN: 23. Hmm. MATT: Nice. Remind me of the question again. It was specifically--? TALIESIN: Which direction-- LAURA: I think you said, which way did we go? TALIESIN: Which way did we go originally to get to our destination? MATT: One eye continues focused on you and the less cloudy one shifts back towards the road where you were already traveling. TRAVIS: Hmm. TALIESIN: Very good. Remember, how long did it take to get there? MATT: Roll another deception check. TALIESIN: Fuck, man. LIAM: This is good, you've already got creative advantage. MARISHA: Come on, this is the best lying you've ever done. TALIESIN: Natural 20. ALL: Oh! LIAM: Shit! TRAVIS: Let's go, Undeadwood! MARISHA: Caddy! TRAVIS: [inaudible] MATT: For a total of? TALIESIN: 23. MATT: 23. TRAVIS: He lives! LIAM: That elf got big Lebowski'd. MARISHA: (laughs) Yeah. MATT: "Bit hazy, but about a day or so." SAM: Did he say bidet? MATT: "Bidet." ASHLEY: (like Grog) Bidet. TALIESIN: You're doing so well. How long do you expect the ritual to take? MATT: "I don't know." TALIESIN: And what do the eyes mean to you? MATT: Now make a deception check, last time. LIAM: Come on. TALIESIN: 15. LIAM: Okay. MATT: Both eyes narrow for a second and the head just goes-- (cackles) (louder cackling) TALIESIN: Decompose. MATT: (gurgles) (laughter) TALIESIN: Well, that was irritating. LAURA: That was so good, Caduceus. LIAM: That was dope. LAURA: That was the best you've ever lied before. TALIESIN: Thank you. I was thinking instead of lying I was going to try acting, which is kind of-- I mean, they're different, but it feels different. So I was feeling pretty good about that. ASHLEY: Maybe you were shipped to the amphitheater. LIAM: Similar, though. TALIESIN: You know, I was thinking about making some improv if all of this works out. ASHLEY: Oh, fun! I'd like to join. TALIESIN: I should meet some new people. You're all great, but I should probably meet some new people, too. ASHLEY: Well, yeah. SAM: So good at improv. (laughter) TRAVIS: "Yes, and." TALIESIN: No. MARISHA: (laughs) Just stops there. LAURA: Yes, and. ASHLEY: Yes, also. Is that how it is? TALIESIN: And. (laughter) So that's a little bit of information. LIAM: Yes, that's a lot of information. TRAVIS: They pulled over for a pit stop, healed possibly, and then kept going. They didn't go this way. LIAM: They could have just come within the wall, right? Yeah. LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: Let's wait for our buddies. LAURA: This is something to avoid. This is something that will just hurt us for nothing. LIAM: Yeah, now cross your fingers they don't wake up-- LAURA: Let's back away slowly from this tower since it does no good. TALIESIN: I still want to go the amphitheater, I'm feeling-- LIAM: I pull out a wire and say: We have very good information that says that this was a pit stop and not the final destination. Please, if you can avoid confrontation, do so. You can reply to this message. SAM: Strong copy unless we're more than 120 feet away. MATT: I'd say, based on the length of that conversation, probably. So you're out of the range. SAM: (whistles) MATT: Stealthily whistling as you travel through the darkness. LIAM: I hit the wire a few times, hello? (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh no. ASHLEY: Veth, please bring my girlfriend back right now. SAM: Okay. ASHLEY: Probably listen to me. MATT: (laughs) MARISHA: Grandma Yasha. (laughter) MATT: Is there anything else you wish to do while you wait for your compatriots to return, hopefully? LIAM: I'm going to ritual cast Comprehend Languages, so I can read the words that I couldn't read on this building. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Maybe you can Identify that robe that Yasha brought the whole tower down for. LIAM: Yeah, so Comprehend Languages. MATT: All right. That takes you 10 minutes? TRAVIS: What are your hit points at now? LAURA: I'm on 116 out of 140 right now. MARISHA: Polyester. LAURA: And I don't have any hit points to regain from the short resting. I've used them all. TRAVIS: I'll cast Cure Wounds at 1st-level, which is just one d8. MARISHA: Don't get it near an open flame. TRAVIS: -- plus five. LAURA: Fjord, you don't have to do that. TRAVIS: Yeah, it's a 1st-level spell. I'm not going to really use it anyway. MARISHA: Oh no. TRAVIS: I mean, I probably wouldn't. LIAM: Oh, good roll says D&D Beyond. SAM: Yeah, what the hell? TALIESIN: That would be susceptible to-- TRAVIS: Oh, why did I roll? TALIESIN: -- double damage. TRAVIS: 13. MARISHA: Melts onto your body. LAURA: 13. TRAVIS: Yeah. LAURA: Thank you, Fjord. TRAVIS: You're welcome. LAURA: I feel better already. ASHLEY: While we're here-- SAM: (whispers) Make out. ASHLEY: -- do you want me to go in and check inside the building? LAURA: We're just the worst kissers ever. ASHLEY: That was a joke. MARISHA: They're making out. TRAVIS: Yasha, I think there was a silver robe inside the building. You should go get it. ASHLEY: I mean, I could keep looking around so I could get one for all of us. TRAVIS: Strangely, it was the other half of the one that you have, what are the odds? SAM: Kiss her. LIAM: The power robe. Legendary. LAURA: Seriously though, you should Identify it. She worked so hard to get it. LIAM: I'm one minute into casting Comprehend Languages. LAURA: Caleb, when you're done with this ritual cast, you should really work on Identifying the robe for Yasha because she worked-- LIAM: I'm trying to say the incantations of the spell. LAURA: -- really hard on getting it. LIAM: This goes to that one and that goes to this one. ASHLEY: I put the robe on. LAURA: No, what if it's cursed? ASHLEY: Is anything happening? TRAVIS: Wondrous item chill. MATT: Yasha. SAM: Oh. LAURA: Oh no. MATT: It looks great. (laughter) SAM: You look fabulous. MATT: At least what remains of it. Which actually, in its torn way, it probably was a very subdued, if well-made robe in its heyday. On you, it looks like a cool vintage find that you tore the bottom out of to make it more your style. LAURA: Ooh, yeah. ASHLEY: I'm going to keep it on. Maybe something will happen, you know. LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: They sell those on Melrose. MATT: Yeah. ASHLEY: What's Melrose? LAURA: There's one rip that's just not working with the rest of it. It doesn't look like it goes so I'm just going to use Mending cantrip to just piece this one little part back together. So, you know. ASHLEY: Yeah, that looks way better. LAURA: It looks intentional now, not-- ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah, like it was supposed to be like this. Thank you. MATT: Make a concentration check for me. LAURA: Oh. (laughter) MATT: Constitution-- LIAM: Oh, I have advantage on concentration, thank god. MATT: You do? SAM: In battle. LIAM: Oh, I rolled the same thing twice. 11. MATT: Yeah, you're fine. LIAM: Okay. (laughter) TALIESIN: That was a great pull. LAURA: He's had way worse distractions for his spells, let's be honest. MATT: It's true. I know, but it's just fun to fuck with him. LIAM: This is why you are so charming. (poofing) MATT: You finish the Comprehend Languages spell. As you glance over at the wall, you begin to notice it's mostly not languages. They're names. Numerous names, hundreds of names lining the edges of this standing structure. SAM: Could be the donors who've paid for it to be built. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs) (laughter) MATT: There is the partially broken in heavy doors towards one side, the closest side to you. As you glance over and check it reads as the Aeorian phrase for "Mausoleum of the Forgotten." LIAM: This is the Mark Taper Mausoleum of Aeor. ASHLEY: The Robert Zemeckis Amphitheater. TRAVIS: That would explain a lot. LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Yep. ASHLEY: Mausoleum, what was the other part? MATT: "Of the Forgotten." LAURA: That's really cool. TRAVIS: Well, that's a whole-- LAURA: "Of the Forgotten"? That makes me sad for them. SAM: I'm not there, but-- TRAVIS: Probably don't need to go in. LIAM: It's funny, though, because the people inside the building are just like all the people outside the building now. TRAVIS: Very true. SAM: "The Forgotten." MATT: Now, Veth and Beauregard-- MARISHA: Mm-hmm. MATT: I would like you both to make perception checks for me, please. SAM: I'm good at that. With disadvantage? TRAVIS: -- the rest of the city, is it? SAM: Six. MARISHA: Mm! 23. MATT: Okay. As you're both carefully stealthing through, you're getting closer to where the cavern ceiling is descending, where this heavy shelf of stone that is jammed into the city bisecting it from the rest of where you imagine Aeor would continue beyond it. You can see where the earth splinters upward, impacts these rows of jagged miniature mountains that are pushed outward from where it impacts. All of a sudden there's something slick under your foot. Veth. SAM: Ah! MATT: You look down just as you look over and you don't want Veth to move. MARISHA: Okay, I'm just going to reach down and grab her. SAM: What's going on? MARISHA: I don't know, I don't know. What is it? MATT: You look around and you can see there is a mass of dark blood beneath Veth. LAURA: Uh-oh. MATT: Liquid. MARISHA: What? MATT: And you glance just beyond where Veth was going as you've pulled her back. And you can see there are two large, slumped, unmoving bodies on the ground. Massive bodies. SAM: Oh. MATT: You can see two large, hard to tell details from this side, but it looks like two nude, maybe very faintly furred, bestial, bipedal creatures that are just on the ground a bit from you. And there's just blood spattered and strewn on the ground around you. Where it appears like some sort of conflict had recently happened. MARISHA: And it's super-- can I reach down and touch the blood? It's super warm still? MATT: It's not warm. MARISHA: Fresh? MATT: But it's certainly fresh. And as you look at it, you have no light source right now. Right? So you have no coloration to ascertain where-- SAM: Do you want some light? MARISHA: Sure. TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: Sure. SAM: Tawhaj. Tawhaj? Tawhaj? LIAM: Mm-hmm. SAM: Tawhaj! And I'll light up the thing. MATT: The glow gives off this daylight presence around you. MARISHA: Daylight! SAM: No, no, no that's-- LIAM: That's fajar. MATT: Sorry, sorry, so just light. LAURA: Oh my-- MATT: Sorry, sorry. TRAVIS: Dude, no, no! No tawhaj! MATT: My apologies for not recalling my elven phrases that I handed-- SAM: That's fajar, Matt, I said tawhaj. MATT: You're right, I apologize. MARISHA: We're talking like 10 watts. MATT: Well, this is a Light cantrip, which is the equivalent of torchlight. So it lights up the space around you and you immediately can see the liquid here is a thick, almost purple-black coloration. You do see bits of human red, humanoid red tossed in places and the signs of a serious scuffle transpired here. SAM: Ooh. MATT: But the bodies are still a little ways ahead. SAM: Oh, we're not right on the bodies yet? MATT: No, they're about 10, 15 feet ahead of you. SAM: I feel like we should definitely go back and tell the others, but we should inspect the bodies just to make sure, I don't know, just to know what happened here. MARISHA: I'm fine with that. A little crime scene investigation action real quick. SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah-- ah, man. If only I had Jester here. MARISHA: Oh well-- SAM: You'll do, you'll do. MARISHA: If only I had Yasha here. What the-- TRAVIS: (laughs) SAM: All right, all right, it's fine. We're an unlikely duo but we'll make it work. MARISHA: Yeah, we're-- This is the spinoff, okay? SAM: Yeah. Yeah, it's like my partner died at the end of season two or something and you're the new partner. MARISHA: Why death? Why did you have to go there? Just-- she's still alive. SAM: It's dramatic. It's a dramatic-- seems like a good season ender, I don't know. LAURA: Because it's foreshadowing, Beau. SAM: Anyway. (laughter) Let's go inspect the bodies. I'm going to go look at the body for signs of what killed it. Was it magic, was it swords, was it-- MATT: Okay. Make a medicine check for me, please. SAM: Oh boy, medicine. MARISHA: And can I see-- SAM: Four. MATT: All right, you have-- SAM: A lot of blood. MARISHA: Uh-huh. MATT: You can't pick out the specifics of what killed these creatures, but you get the sense there are a lot of heavy slash marks across them. SAM: Sure. MATT: There are shredded ribbons of these creatures. You can see flesh is filleted in places and thrown. And these heavy gash marks, these sweeping blade slices up and across the torso and limbs. Getting a closer look at these creatures, they are built like the most muscular gorilla you've ever seen. And standing would probably be close to nine feet tall, nearly ogreish in physicality. Except their faces are like a bear or a thicker dog-type head. MARISHA: Wow. MATT: The eyes are these pale yellow coloration. And the body is covered in this very fine, deep greenish splotchy fur. SAM: Ooh. MATT: The teeth and the fangs are long and pointed. And the fingers end in these heavy bladed claws. SAM: Dude, that's sick. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: You've never seen creatures like this before. Thankfully, these two are dead. SAM: These two, there could be more. Or their cries for help could have alerted their, you know-- MARISHA: Mates. SAM: Well yeah, or their pod or whatever-- MARISHA: Their children. SAM: Children. TRAVIS: It's all couples down here. MARISHA: Yeah, just long lost couples. Can I ascertain-- LAURA: Aeor is for lovers. MARISHA: -- which direction-- yes. Take your honeymoon in Aeor. TRAVIS: This all-inclusive package was bullshit! SAM: There's a kid's club somewhere for monster kids? MARISHA: Yeah. (laughter) Can I see which direction, more blood trail or any tracking of blood in any direction? MATT: Go ahead and make an investigation check. MARISHA: Yeah, investigation! MATT: Or survival. MARISHA: Or survival, investigation! LIAM: You also know that Caleb got a whiff of necromancy from this location. MARISHA: Okay. Okay, 21. MATT: 21. You can see there is a bit of a trail. It looks like blood mostly from these creatures that continues on for about 10, 15 or so feet following this road. And this road is like a major road where you can see it probably would have connected with any of the other wards of the city. Or it's one of the more central thoroughfare portions of the city's ward. Before it is met with this heavy stone that seems to have bisected the region. SAM: So the road keeps going past this? MATT: Well, the road would continue past if during the impact of the city, a large portion of this cavern didn't collapse into it and jammed-- MARISHA: Cut it off? Can I see, does it look like it drops off? Are there paths carved around this? MATT: You can keep going and looking if you want. MARISHA: Do you want a peek or should we go back? You do hear at this moment though with your passive perception some movement. Oh. SAM: We could go back and tell the others. MATT: Not quite sure the direction, but you did hear something. MARISHA: Not quite sure the direction. Does it sound big? Does it sound-- MATT: Make a perception check intentionally if you want to try and listen for a path or some semblance of information about the sound. MARISHA: Ooh, yucky. 13. MATT: Okay. You're pretty sure you heard something. MARISHA: Did you hear that? SAM: No? MARISHA: (uncertain stammering) I think we should go back. SAM: Okay. MARISHA: Okay. SAM: Okay. MATT: Your orb is still glowing. SAM: Should I turn it off? Caleb didn't tell me how to turn it off. I'll just say the same thing again. Tawhaj! MATT: (light extinguishing) SAM: Oh hey! Ah! Where'd you go!? MARISHA: (whispering) Wait, right here, right here, right here, okay. MATT: You hear a little bit more movement. MARISHA: Hold my hand. Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. SAM: Ah! I slipped on the blood. MARISHA: Oh god, I pick her up. LAURA: You're such a dick. MATT: I would like you both to make stealth checks, please. (laughter) MARISHA: Oh! SAM: 29. MARISHA: 29?! I rolled a 19. MATT: All right. As you both skitter off the road and begin to carefully make your way back. Beauregard, you hear one sound in the distance, back where you guys were. (growls) MARISHA: Did you hear that? SAM: That I heard. MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay, okay. MATT: And that's it. MARISHA: Do you think that's gorilla-dog-man? SAM: Yeah, maybe it's their child. MARISHA: Yeah, sure, or lover. Maybe they were-- SAM: Maybe they had like a polyamorous sort of a throuple. MARISHA: Yes. SAM: They were a throuple! (gasps) They were a throuple and now one of them is just-- MARISHA: Just by himself. SAM: Or herself or themself. MARISHA: Sure. SAM: We don't know how it works. MARISHA: Man, that would suck. SAM: It would be. MARISHA: I bet they're very sexually angsty you know. SAM: They're definitely very sexually explorative. MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: This is definitely a sexual creature. I get that sense. It's sex positive creature. MARISHA: I think so. I kind of got that vibe. SAM: I got that vibe. MARISHA: Man. MATT: Roll-- (laughter) LIAM: Have they been eaten yet? MATT: Roll a medicine check, Beauregard. SAM: To see how sex positive they are? (laughter) MARISHA: Just felt a lot of body positivity. I dropped the die. Mm, roll what? A medicine? MATT: A medicine check. MARISHA: Okay. Wait. I never do this. Oh! TRAVIS: No, you don't say. You don't do this? MARISHA: 20 total. SAM: Hey, that's pretty good. MARISHA: I rolled really high. MATT: As Veth is saying this, you glanced over. But now that you think about it you don't think either of these creatures had sex organs. SAM: Oh. MARISHA: Definitely sexually frustrated. SAM: Oh, that's-- MARISHA: They don't have sex organs. TRAVIS: Are absent. SAM That's what it was. MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: You solved it. MARISHA: Man. SAM: You're a good partner. MARISHA: Yeah. I like the spinoff series. SAM: Yeah. MARISHA: Hobbs and Shaw. SAM: I like how you're whispering and I'm not. MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs) SAM: Let's go! MARISHA: Okay, let's go. (laughter) MATT: Damn good thing you both rolled high stealth, man. TRAVIS: That one drunk friend at the party that's whispering and you're like, "It's loud in here, you can talk." (laughter) MARISHA: (whispering) I'm trying to tell you a secret. TRAVIS: (whispering) I had four. MARISHA: Yeah. (laughter) Why are you whispering? (laughs) Can't hear you over Katy Perry. MATT: Beau and Veth have been gone for approximately 25 or so minutes. LAURA: Jeez louise. MATT: Is there anything you would begin to do in their absence? TRAVIS: I guess move on without them. (laughter) MATT: Well, it's a shame it had to end here. MARISHA: Well, this thing happened. LIAM: If Jester pesters me and we've got that robe and that much time passes, I'll Identify it. TRAVIS: Yes, please. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: For sure. LIAM: I'll Identify it while on Yasha. ASHLEY: Do I need to take it off? LIAM: No, not at all, just stand still. ASHLEY: I can keep it on while you do your magic? LIAM: Yep, just keep those broad shoulders broad and I will-- Yep, people, please. Okay, just hold it like that for 10 minutes. SAM: Oh god. ASHLEY: Got it. I can do it easy. SAM: Maybe pulse, just pulse. LAURA: I'll do it with her. ASHLEY: Circles? TRAVIS: Make it burn. LIAM: Okay, just do that for another minute. MATT: I'm not doing the Tony Horton again. I already did it once, it's a damn pain. You get it once. It is a beautifully sundered Aeorian silk robe that, while not magical, she plays it off pretty well. LAURA: How did that thing last for so long if it's not magical at all? ASHLEY: I think you are wrong. LIAM: Well, look, if you look where you mended it, it says 90% polyester, so that lasts forever. LAURA: Makes sense. ASHLEY: Well, it's a beautiful material, even if it is polyester. LIAM: You can just kind of make out the group of horses on the front of it. It's beautiful. ASHLEY: I like it a lot. I'm going to wear it. MATT: Right about this time, Beau and Veth arrive. LAURA: Did you find anything? SAM: Yes! ASHLEY: You're covered in blood! SAM: Yeah, well, that happens every time I go anywhere. MARISHA: I just had to beat the shit out of her. I just got to the edge, just couldn't take it anymore. TRAVIS: How did it feel? MARISHA: It felt great. ASHLEY: Lucky! (laughter) MARISHA: 30 years of build up. SAM: I deserved it, MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: I deserved it. LIAM: I just leveled up. SAM: I mouthed off a little bit too much. LAURA: What did you find? SAM: I'll keep my fucking mouth shut next time. LAURA: What did you find? SAM: We found-- (laughter) We found two bodies of huge monster sex creatures. And they were dead because the Tomb Takers, specifically we think Cree, eviscerated them with her blades. LAURA: I thought Cree used magic and Lucien used blades. MARISHA: Yeah, Lucien has blades. SAM: I only focused on Otis. I don't know what any of the other ones do. (laughter) TRAVIS: You've literally fought with Molly. (laughter) MARISHA: She totally came to this conclusion on her own. I did not-- (laughter) SAM: I don't know. I don't know what the other ones do. TRAVIS: Scimitars. Lucien has scimitars. SAM: Lucien does magic and eyes, right? He doesn't need-- MARISHA: I've never seen Cree use a blade. SAM: I thought because she has blood-- LIAM: We have a foot tall toy with swords. TRAVIS: She has a sigil. SAM: He's magic now. He doesn't need the swords. He has the eyes. LAURA: He uses the swords. TRAVIS: Magic, yeah. LIAM: Yeah, yeah. Remember when they kicked our asses out in the snow? The swords were there. SAM: I can't see a lot, guys. (laughter) Oi! It could have been Lucien, it could have been Lucien. I'm on the fence. Maybe it was both. MARISHA: It was definitely one of the Tomb Takers. It was a fresh kill. There was two of them, lots of blood. LIAM: Wait a moment. LAURA: Tomb Taker blood? MARISHA: Yeah, we saw red blood and purple-y black blood. LIAM: What does she mean by sex monsters? ASHLEY: I was just going to ask. I don't know what that is. SAM: Well-- MARISHA: We're just-- Yeah, we got this vibe. You know we just got this-- LIAM: Of supercharged sex monsters? MARISHA: Yes! LAURA: Were they having sex-- the bodies? TRAVIS: Don't we need to be stopping the end of the world? SAM: We do! We're leaving out one vital piece of information. Even more vital than the sex part. LAURA: What? SAM: There was a third monster that was still alive. LIAM: Third sex monster? TRAVIS: And you killed it? SAM: We did not, we ran. MARISHA: We heard it. TALIESIN: Perception check. LAURA: What did it sound like? TALIESIN: Is there a monster coming for us? MARISHA: It sounded like-- MATT: Yeah, make a insight check. MARISHA: (monster noises) MATT: Oh, you're looking for one. TALIESIN: I'm looking for one. MATT: Make a perception check. TALIESIN: Okay. MARISHA: I didn't do a-- SAM: Yeah, it was-- TALIESIN: 26. SAM: It was like an ululation. MATT: With disadvantage because you cannot see in the dark. LIAM: (sings the Trololo song) SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah, like that. TALIESIN: 17. MATT: 17. You don't see anything at the moment. TALIESIN: Okay. LAURA: So we should head after them? TALIESIN: Or plan B. LAURA: Or amphitheater. SAM: Did you guys go into the amphitheater? LAURA: No. ASHLEY: We were all waiting for you guys. LAURA: We could've done that. It would've taken a really long time. SAM: So we're not going in there? We're skipping that? LAURA: I don't know! SAM: Okay, that's fine. TALIESIN: I think it's worth looking at. ASHLEY: The tower? TALIESIN: I mean, at this point-- LAURA: No, the amphitheater. TALIESIN: We hoped we'd catch up at this point. LIAM: Yeah. We don't think they're in here. There's a good chance they slaughtered sex monsters that way and kept going. But we want to look into your idea. TALIESIN: It couldn't hurt to ask. LIAM: An hour, we take an hour to do that. I don't think that tips the balance. And we're going to need to collapse at some time and rest. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: But we know where the Tomb Takers went. They tracked through these erotic orgies and they kept going straight forward. LIAM: Into some sort of Eyes Wide Shut situation further that way. SAM: Definitely some tantric. ASHLEY: Nine Eyes Wide Shut. MARISHA: You could just feel the tension, you know. Nine Eyes Wide Shut, that's good! That's great. LIAM: All of Beau and Caleb's eyes open simultaneously. LAURA: So we're going back to the amphitheater? LIAM: Yes. LAURA: Okay. SAM: To the amphitheater? That wasn't one of the two choices. LAURA, LIAM: Yes, it was. SAM: We're going to the amphitheater? LAURA: Yes. SAM: So we're not going into tower? We're not going to chase the Tomb Takers. We're going to a third place? LAURA: We're going to the amphitheater that Caduceus talked about earlier. SAM: No, no, no, I recall. MARISHA: Also, Lucien has swords. LIAM: Pit stop at the theater. SAM: I'll take your word for it. (laughter) MATT: I would like everyone to make a stealth check, please. LAURA: Blessing of the Trickster. TRAVIS: Thank you. (laughter) TALIESIN: Oh! SAM: 33. LAURA: 25. LIAM: Natural 20. TRAVIS: 14. ASHLEY: 21. TALIESIN: 21. SAM: Dude. MARISHA: 24. SAM: Dude! TALIESIN: Whoa! MARISHA: That's good. MATT: With expediency, and a sense of confidence you Mighty Nein trudge through the shadows and backward towards where you first began your journey into the Praesidis Ward. Until eventually, Caduceus leads you to the exterior of the amphitheater. There are numerous entrances you can see. Large tunnel-like hallways that head towards the center of this presentory locale. And even just stepping close to where this entrance is you could see the dozens of bodies, individuals that appeared to have been running out from this amphitheater that fell dead to the ground. Their bodies dried husks, the flesh withered, mummified, clothing untouched, just stepping over and around them as you make your way to the entrance tunnel to the amphitheater itself. LIAM: Is there any kind of verbiage or signs of any kind on the theater? MATT: How long does that last again? LIAM: An hour. MATT: An hour? Yes, this is-- let me look at this real fast. LIAM: The Dorothy Chandler Pavilion. MATT: Yeah. (laughs) SAM: Presents: A Charlie Brown Christmas. (laughter) TALIESIN: My god, everything makes sense now. (laughter) MARISHA: It is fair use. (laughter) MATT: Best Little Harvest Close Pageant Ever. (laughter) TALIESIN: Oh, The Nutcracker. MATT: Praesidis Discussion. Amph-- What's the word, fucking-- MARISHA: Oh, right. MATT: Not amphitheater. MARISHA: No, we got this. TALIESIN: Colosseum? MATT: Colosseum. MARISHA: You said something before that. LIAM: Discussion, you said? MATT: Yes. LAURA: Praesidis? SAM: It's the ward. LAURA: Oh. MATT: Looking at the various bits of writing on the walls around, you quickly get the sense that this was a center for political discourse. LIAM: TED Talks. MATT: Kind of, yeah. SAM: Like a salon? MATT: Sure. SAM: Intellectual salon? MATT: Kind of, yeah. TALIESIN: TED Talks. MATT: Stepping through, eventually you come into the open space where you can see there are the dull green bits of light, the glowing light sources that are scattered throughout the ward and had been guiding you from element to element as you've traversed through the space. And that bright central blue light emanating from the dome that sits upon the central dais in the center of the open amphitheater. You can just vaguely make out a darker shape in the middle of it. LAURA: Do you want to talk to one of the people here? TALIESIN: Yeah, it was like a priestess inside, if I recall? MATT: It looked like some sort of well-dressed, importantly decorated individual, who was-- TALIESIN: Yeah, was trying to remember how much-- yeah. TRAVIS: As we step into that amphitheater, I'll do a second Divine Sense. Same thing just because the first one got a hit. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: 60 feet. MATT: Nothing. TRAVIS: Seems clear. TALIESIN: I'm going to check the first few rows for someone well-dressed and with a head that seems relatively intact. LAURA: Somebody that can see the dome that was-- TALIESIN: Somebody with a good view. MATT: Okay. Looking through for just a few moments, you come to near the base of the dais propped up against that or right next to that strange metallic humanoid that you'd come across before. A sight which you figured out all the rest of you had seen, this is the second of these metal armored humanoids that you've come across. There was the first one that was heavily damaged in the chamber you were resting. This one looks to be mostly intact, though it looks like the legs are somewhat damaged, and the chest plate is partially open to the side. But beyond that, they look like they're mostly intact, though still with all the rest of the corpses around. The body next to it, you see, is a similarly dressed, but not well as decorated individual as the one inside the dome. Looks like they had one arm up on the dais and were in the process of going for a run and then just collapsed right into that spot. TALIESIN: All right. LIAM: Before you do, Caduceus, come here for a moment. I'll pull out this little stone sculpture of a ziggurat I have with little letters and glyphs all around it, and I'm going to cast Tongues on Caduceus. TRAVIS: Smart. ASHLEY: That is so smart. MARISHA: So you can actually talk to him, good idea. TALIESIN: Trying to find my spells. Here we are. TRAVIS: -- too much to have a headache. LAURA: (laughs) I'm sad that cake-- TALIESIN: (blows raspberries) All right, whoa, that's crazy. LIAM: It's a lie. TALIESIN: Let's wake this person up. MATT: Okay, as you kneel down and get close to the body and prop it back against the platform, the raised platform, the body itself, the dust clatters a bit. And you can hear the very fine, fragile, leather-like skin and bone hit the side of the stone and dust rests off of it. The long, stringy, dull white gray strands of doll-like hair that falls past the shoulders, clumps fall free from the mummified scalp. And you get now at this glance, this was likely a half-elf individual. Though the eyes are gone, the face itself is heavily sunken and you could see the teeth are exposed with the lips have curled back tightly. It is a terrifying sight to look into for anybody who isn't familiar with the process of interring corpses of any stage of decay. This is not a bother for you. TALIESIN: Tell me what brought you to the colosseum. MATT: You all watch for a moment. And as Caduceus asks the question, there is a a brief bit of faint greenish light that seems to apparate like a seed in the middle of the air, somewhat translucent. LAURA: Does it look like the little floating lights everywhere around the city? MATT: Not quite. LAURA: Okay. MATT: This one is comforting, if only because it matches in some ways the ways that Fjord and sometimes Caduceus channel the power of the Wild Mother. LAURA: Okay. MATT: But as he begins to speak, this seed plants itself in the throat of this creature. Kind of fading into the skin. And as it does, the head (gasps) begins to inhale, it leans forward and looks towards you. The black, vacuous sockets peering back into Caduceus. "(gasping) We were here to beseech Brashaar, to protect us." TRAVIS: Brashaar? MATT: The rest of you hear (guttural foreign language). TALIESIN: We were here to beseech Brashaar to protect us. I'm going to mimic what he says as he says it. Tell me about the person on stage. MATT: "Brashaar, one of the great mages, architect, and the one of many who put us to this doom." "and the one of many who put us to this doom." TALIESIN: What did she do to you? MATT: "Filled our minds with thoughts drew the ire of the gods." TALIESIN: What are the Eyes of Nine? MATT: "I have no knowledge of what you speak." TALIESIN: We need to undo this. Where in the city could I find those who opposed this, who tried to stop it? MATT: "Look around you." With that you watch as the face, begins turns to dust and caved in (cracking). SAM: Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play? (laughter) TALIESIN: All right, well, clearly waking this person up would be a bad idea, but now we know. SAM: Oh. LAURA: Well, it didn't necessarily mean that. It just means that this is one of the great mages that thought they were better than the gods. LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: It seems like the gods delivered that blue dome, though. LAURA: Potentially. TALIESIN: I have a theory on the blue dome. LAURA: What? TALIESIN: I mean, if you were just trying to put yourself into some other space, maybe it's a way of marking who's important, Like in a bad way. MARISHA: Like their psyche is somewhere-- LAURA: Like Yussa? TALIESIN: I just see a lot of... You can look at where you leave a dead body and learn a lot about that person just by how they were treated. And these bodies were treated differently than the others. These bodies were protected and whatever happened here allowed that, I doubt it couldn't have stopped it. MATT: You can see Essek getting a very close look at this dome. And occasionally running a hand across the exterior. And as he does, you can see all of these fractal patterns of arcane spirals that just appear. Like there's an extra layer of arcana to each of these domes that lays unseen until a practioned magic user knows how to pluck a bit and reveal it. And as he does, Essek turns and goes, "Whatever arcana is protecting these things is beyond my understanding." LIAM: I'm going to join him at the dome, and I want to get a closer look at this person. So Caduceus, you told us everything that you heard and the Rashad was-- LAURA: This person. LIAM: The person in the bubble, yeah? TALIESIN: Yes. MATT: That's what it seemed. TRAVIS: Brashaar. MARISHA: Bashard? MATT: Brashaar. LAURA: Rashar. TRAVIS, LIAM: Brashaar. TRAVIS: With an R at the end? MATT: Mm-hmm, Brashaar. LIAM: I remember when you described him in the earlier game that they're like this. MATT: Yeah, arms up in a-- like a proclamation or a-- LIAM: Are they casting? MATT: It's hard to tell. If you would like to make a perception check to see if you could peer through the dense shifting of dome-like magical material to see if-- LIAM: Help me take a look at this, please. MATT: (as Essek) "Of course, of course." LAURA: You want me to Guide you, too? TALIESIN: Guide as well. MATT: Both you and Essek are going to go ahead and make perception checks. TALIESIN: With a d4. LIAM: I rolled balls. MATT: So did he. With a d4? Mm-hmm, it helps. LIAM: Seven total. Rolled a three. MATT: 13 For him. LIAM: Okay. MATT: You can make out primarily the same details that Caduceus did. If not as much as he did. You can see the pose, the positioning. At best, you can tell they were, amongst all the corpses that you've come across very well-dressed, a lot of jewelry. Looked to be of very high station visually. And the fact that they are in the middle of this amphitheater, given the context of what you've ascertained of its purpose, of what you learned from the corpse. This is probably, probably a very important political individual within the context of the mageocracy of Aeor. It's hard to tell if they're in the middle of an impassioned speech or the middle of a spell being cast. LIAM: Well so, I don't know, but my suspicion is, put yourself in her place at that time. The building is being thrown down from the sky. What is she doing? Is she giving an impassioned speech to the people telling them to be calm? Is she saving herself? MATT: "It is hard to say. From what I know, at least from what information has been gathered. It is said throughout history that the Aeorian people were very, what is the word in Common? Self-focused." LIAM: Exactly. MATT: "So that is to the individual or to the other people here, if it was an attempt to save, that was quite obviously a failure." As he glides around and gestures to the droves of long dead bodies around you. LIAM: I think so, too. I think she definitely wanted to save herself, maybe others, but I don't think these mages disturbed the gods to the point where they threw them out of the sky. TALIESIN: I think these mages created the city. LIAM: Yes. SAM: The other bubbles that we saw people frozen in, were they all mages casting things? LAURA: No, some of them were running. MATT: Some of them seemed to be standard people fleeing. And you found them at different parts of broken ruins across Eiselcross. SAM: It could just be random. LIAM: It could be. We didn't, unless I'm remembering incorrectly, didn't get a sense one way or the other. We weren't even thinking about it really what it could be. So it could have been somebody in that crowd who did that, or it could be an outside force. We don't ultimately know, but my suspicion is that this was a last ditch effort to survive calamity. SAM: Can I scan around the crowd and just see if everyone is the same sort of body type, like everyone's Aeorian? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: I'm not good at that. Ooh, 14. Okay. MATT: Okay. Glancing around, it's a-- I wouldn't say it's Menagerie Coast or Xhorhasian in its ancestral diversity, necessarily. Primarily human, elf, and in-between, and that's the majority of it. You don't see, at least within the amphitheater or the corpses you've come, across any halflings. You don't seem to have come across any dwarves. It seems to be fairly culturally kept between a human and elven culture. At least this portion of the city that you've been through. And even then, most of the corpses you haven't stopped to inspect thoroughly. A lot of dead bodies like that look the same if you're just walking by in shadow. But at least in the general presence around you with that roll, that's what you make out. SAM: Okay. LIAM: And what was Essek doing? Was he doing some high level dispelling there? MATT: You're not certain. This seemed to be his version of the Detect Magic, and trying to ascertain the nature of this particular spell, but it seemed far more complex than a simple Detect Magic could read. TALIESIN: The spheres aren't random. LAURA: A little nervous here. We're letting them get farther and farther ahead of us right now. MARISHA: I agree. We're not going to unlock this thing, right? LIAM: But our next step is sleep, isn't it? Or are we going to continue to chase? MARISHA: We've got to sleep at some point. TRAVIS: Well, we do, but I think we to know. We still don't know where they went, just which road they went down. SAM: Also, no matter what-- Well, not no matter what, but if we don't stealth very well in chasing them, we're going to have to fight our way through you know an orgy monster. MARISHA: Gorilla-dog-troll. SAM: Which I feel like we'll be okay with. I mean, if Cree by herself killed two of them, then probably we can dispatch one without too much effort. MARISHA: Yeah. Okay, well. SAM: So should we do that first before we sleep? LAURA: It's hard because I know I need sleep, but-- SAM: You look fine. LAURA: (laughs) Thanks, I feel tired. But I just feel like, you know-- SAM: You want to keep going? LAURA: Well, they could unleash a whole horrible demon city upon the entire world. So, it feels a little like-- TALIESIN: It's always worth remembering, though, that they could do that, but at the moment, what could you do to stop it? LAURA: I don't know. TALIESIN: I know. MARISHA: And we know we have a day ahead of us, right? TALIESIN: At least. MARISHA: They're going to have to rest, too. Especially if they're continuing to clear the caverns for us. TRAVIS: They are? MARISHA: Why wouldn't they? TRAVIS: I thought they didn't sleep. ASHLEY: He never sleeps. LAURA: Cree sleeps. MARISHA: But they have to rest. LAURA: Cree sleeps, Lucien doesn't. MARISHA: Magic-- you know what I mean. Not that I'm a magic user, but even for someone like Cree, it's not a bottomless well. TRAVIS: It's not? I don't know, do we know for sure? TALIESIN: We're pretty sure. MARISHA: We watched them rest. LAURA: We watched them get injured. MARISHA: We watched them get injured. I think we can continue to follow. The path might tell us when they decide to rest as well. TALIESIN: If something happens right now we're going to be real down on our luck. LAURA: Then we sleep right here. Whatever we do, we need to make a decision and actually do it. LIAM: Well, that's the thing-- (sighs) SAM: How long have we been awake? LIAM: Long time. We did a short rest already. I used all my hit dice. LAURA: We tried to sleep. We didn't get a full rest. MARISHA: Matt, I'm assuming we have to start from scratch with that long rest. SAM: What do you-- what? TRAVIS: We were five and a half hours. MARISHA: Because we were, like, six hours in, so. MATT: You've traveled a bit in-between. I would be willing to say if you wanted to complete a long rest for the purposes of this, if you were to garnish an additional three, three and a half hours, you'd finish a long rest. LAURA: That's pretty cool. TALIESIN: Oh, I will nap like a beast. SAM: But me and Caleb didn't sleep at all. LIAM: Right. MATT: Correct, you guys would need a full. LAURA: Neither did Fjord. Yeah. So the three of you would need a full night. LIAM: I don't want to run into that. TALIESIN: No. LIAM: With where I'm at. SAM: And dead body said it would take a day, day and a half? TALIESIN: That's what they took last time, so. SAM: So they're going to rest at least once. TALIESIN: Oh yeah. SAM: Maybe? TALIESIN: They know they're going to have to burn through. They don't have us clearing the path anymore. ASHLEY: Mm-hmm. LAURA: Yeah. They're also moving while we're standing still and talking about this, so-- LIAM: I actually think we should, because I'm not spent, but I will be, I think we should push forward now. Because there could be sex monsters that we're going to have to deal with tonight or tomorrow morning. So it's better that we deal with them on the dregs-- MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: -- of where we're at. MARISHA: Then fight sex monsters, not first in the morning-- LAURA: Then let's go, let's go now. TRAVIS: I'm in that boat as well. MARISHA: Okay. SAM: Before we leave, Matt, when you described the stage, it was just the sorcerer on the stage? MATT: There was just the dome on the stage. And then there's the bodies around the base of it. There's that metallic body, it's leaning against the table with the damaged legs. There's the corpse that Caduceus looked in the eyes of and spoke to. And a number of other figures. SAM: The metallic one is, like, an armored thing? MATT: It looks similar to the one that you found in the first abode that you guys rested in, as well as a crushed creature that you found in one of the other ruins near where one of the threshold crests were found. It looks and appears to be human, though this one is even more intricately designed. You can see it's made of this dull, brass-like metal, with intricate filigree engraving across it. with intricate filigree engraving across it. It has no nose, but has a mouth and a jaw-type setup. These open sockets where eyes appear to be within though there's no white or coloration to the eye. Gold trim across it, it looks decorative almost. LAURA: Does it have the power gem on it like the one when we got the threshold crest? That one had like a big ruby on it that we took. MATT: Correct, this one it would be within either its head or its chest, are the two areas you would look for that. LIAM: It's a very advanced-- SAM: I took one from the last one. MATT: Yeah, you took a sphere from the center of the last one. SAM: I'll go just check it out and see if this one has the same thing. MATT: Okay. LAURA: I feel like if we could figure out how to wake them up, man. MATT: If you glance inside, you can see the chest portion of it is off-kilter. It seemed to have been impacted, and the crushing of its legs, its chest plate split open on the inside. You can see it already has a gem placed in there but it is cracked. LAURA: Hmm, (gasps) put the other one in this one! SAM: Yes, and-- I'm not-- my hands are very good, but do we need some, like, does anyone have any better mechanical knowledge than me? I guess not, right? TALIESIN: Probably not. SAM: Okay. All right. LAURA: I think you're the best. I can assist you. SAM: Sure, you're a medicine woman. LAURA: Uh-huh. SAM: Yeah. LAURA: I'm good with medicine. SAM: Want to do a quick heart transplant on a dead robot from a thousand years ago? Cool, all right. TALIESIN: It could go great or terribly. MARISHA: Yeah, I'm here for it. TALIESIN: All right. SAM: What sort of skill is this? MATT: This-- SAM: Animal handling. MATT: (laughs) So what are you trying to do? You're trying to-- SAM: Cut out the existing sphere-- MATT: Okay. SAM: -- heart thing and replace it with the new one in a similar connection. Are there connections? Is it wires? What is this? MATT: It looks just like a half-dome slot that it slips into. SAM: Oh, so it's not, like, arteries or anything. MATT: There is cabling all throughout the inside, but nothing you're familiar with. This would be just a dexterity check. SAM: Oh, I think I'm okay. LAURA: Give you some Guidance. SAM: Thank you. LIAM: It's Bishop. TALIESIN: Oh Caleb, just a Death Ward (clicks tongue). SAM: Dexterity check. MATT: So just add your dexterity modifier. LAURA: And then add a d4. SAM: Okay. TALIESIN: You hit zero, you-- LIAM: Okay. SAM: Ah! Not a real roll. TALIESIN: Just because I'm nervous. SAM: 25. MATT: 25. As you reach in to grab the initial sphere, it would show resistance if you didn't twist it in just the way that you feel it (popping) pop out. As it does, it immediately breaks into three pieces. It just shatters like glass, on the inside of the torso. With that you glance inside and you can see a faint connective, almost like a threaded point. And you take the orb that you found earlier and you can see a similar point there. And as you screw and place it within, you lift up and place it heavily towards where it looks like it slips in. As it does (clicking) and it's there. SAM: Hey, hey. MATT: (mechanical poof) Eyes, (screaming) suddenly brightly glow a dull blue hue. The arms comes up and you watch as his body begins to convulse and shift for a second. (dish, dish) (thudding). Before all of a sudden (snapping) "(robotic foreign language)" LIAM: You got an hour. MATT: Right, you have an hour. You hear, LAURA: (gasps) MATT: "Hello. My designation-- there is no record of that designation. Please offer a designation." TALIESIN: It wants a name. SAM: Oh! LAURA: Brashaar of the Praesidis Ward. SAM: Wait, you're going to name it after the thing that died-- LAURA: Oh, I see, it needs a name. Sorry, I thought it was like a password or something. SAM: Oh. TALIESIN: Yeah, no, let's give it a name, let's say-- SAM: Something relatable, like XR1513. (laughter) I don't know. LAURA: What about Diddy or Daddy or Deddy? SAM: (laughs) LAURA: Oh, Doty! ASHLEY: Chappie. (laughter) SAM: That's stupid. (laughter) TALIESIN: Charlie it is. MARISHA: Charlie! ASHLEY: Charlie. TALIESIN: I like 'C' names. MATT: "Charlie. I am designation Charlie. I am an Aeormaton citizen of Aeor. Hello?" TALIESIN: Hello, do you speak Common? SAM: It's the cutest. ASHLEY: I love him. MATT: "I do not understand your request." TALIESIN: Okay, how quickly can you learn new languages? MATT: "I do not recall. It appears I have sustained injury to numerous parts of my self." And as he looks down, this genderless creature at the moment seems to pull itself back a bit and you can see its legs are shredded and the cables are leading behind and then just kind of-- "It ap-- It ap-- It ap-- It appears I've sustained some injury." SAM: I will die for this creature-- LAURA: Is he in pain? TALIESIN: Do you remember what happened? MATT: "I do not. My systems are damaged. Perhaps the Genesis Ward may allow me to reboot and present myself." TALIESIN: Where would the Genesis Ward be? MARISHA: Oh lord. MATT: You see the eyes all of a sudden go wide and this like brief very faint scan goes (whooshing), in the space around. "Ah, that way." And it points loosely in the direction that you were already going to travel. TALIESIN: I think this is a very good idea. Would you like to? May I? LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Yes. TALIESIN: Would you like to come with us? We can maybe take you there? It is dangerous and we will need help. And I might become difficult to understand at some point, but if you can just keep guiding us towards where we need to take you to fix yourself, we would be most grateful. MATT: "I must ask permission from my associates." SAM: Oh no. (laughter) "I do not recall my associates, so I will be my associate. You will be my associate. Charlie will come with you." TALIESIN: Happy to be an associate, Charlie. This is everybody. There's a lot of dangerous people around here, just assume if it's not us, it might be a problem. MARISHA: Caduceus, how's stealthy is he? TALIESIN: Well, stealthy right now, not very-- MATT: Yeah, as you're saying this, he's starting to stand up, and then (clattering). MARISHA: Oh no, no, no! LAURA: I can carry him, or you can-- SAM: Wait, do we have all of your parts? I know they're not connected to you, but are all of your parts nearby that we can maybe collect? MATT: You hear this faint repetition of your voice. "All of your parts nearby-- (rapid gibberish)" and then responds in perfect Common. (gasping) Answering your question. TALIESIN: Well, that helps. TRAVIS: Wow. MATT: "I have only the parts of myself present." TALIESIN: I say in the other language: Show off. (laughter) TRAVIS: Do you have any offensive or defensive capabilities? MATT: "No, I am a companion." TRAVIS: Cool. Cool. LAURA: Are you in pain? TRAVIS: No, no. MATT: "I am not engineered to feel pain." LAURA: Okay. SAM: Can we fix you? Your injuries? TALIESIN: Yeah, the Genesis Ward. SAM: Oh, okay, okay. MATT: "Indeed." TALIESIN: Let's go. LAURA: I'll pick him up and I'll strap you on my back like Chewbacca carried C3PO. MARISHA: Hell yeah. (laughter) MATT: "I do not understand this reference, but certainly." TRAVIS: Neither does anyone else. LIAM: Charlie, are you familiar with this entire city? MATT: "This is Aeor." LIAM: Yes, do you know it backwards and forwards? MATT: "T-t-t-- I have an internal map (rising and falling tones) ah-- of Aeor." (laughter) TALIESIN: Well, we're letting the high kid guide us, I suppose. So this'll at least be an adventure. LAURA: Is it possible for you to talk very quietly? MATT: "(quietly) I can speak very (louder) quiet-- ch-ch-- ly. (final tone continues)" MARISHA: Can you not speak at all? MATT: (tone continues) ASHLEY: I give him a tap. MATT: (tone continues) "Hi. Hello, I'm Charlie." MARISHA: Hi. TALIESIN: Let's get to the Genesis Ward, I think. MARISHA: Shh, Charlie, shh. TALIESIN: Oh, this is Beau. I'm Caduceus. Let's go around. ASHLEY: Hello, I'm Yasha. SAM: Veth. LIAM: Caleb Widogast. LAURA: I'm Jester. TRAVIS: Fjord. MATT: "I'm Charlie." TALIESIN: Excellent. LIAM: This is Essek. MATT: (as Charlie) "Essek." Essek steps back and goes, "I don't trust it." (laughter) TALIESIN: Good. MARISHA: He's smart. TALIESIN: We need to get moving. MARISHA: Yeah, let's go. LIAM: Yes. MATT: "Well, lead on." SAM: Yeah. LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: Head back to the road. MATT: Jester carrying Charlie on her back, you all quietly begin to make your way to the exit of the amphitheater. Essek staying a safe 15 feet behind before brushing up next to you and going, "You do know about Aeor, right?" LIAM: A decent amount. What are you alluding to? MATT: "Well, many things were designed for warfare here, against the gods themselves. Just be careful of trusting anything at face value." LIAM: I haven't done that in a very long time. MATT: "You may live yet." LIAM: Stay close. MATT: And as you all begin to drift into the shadow. We're going to take a break. ALL: Ooh! MATT: Be back here in few minutes. ALL: Charlie! TALIESIN: Name's Charlie. MATT: An Aeormaton. LAURA: Charlie. SAM: Wow. Aeor--? TALIESIN, MATT: Aeormaton. LIAM: Named after good old Charlie. MATT: Aww. LAURA: He lives! LIAM: Good old Charlie. MATT: All right, we'll see you guys here in a few minutes. (ominous music) Narrator: Dwarvenite, the most precious substance among dwarven smiths, able to absorb the very spirit of the craftsman. Thus infused, it becomes nearly indestructible, able to forge heirlooms that will last for generations. (exploding) Pure dwarvenite, now you can get your hands on this legendary substance with the new Dungeon of Doom, available now at dwarvenforge.com. (adventurous music) That is also just the most perfect performance I've seen Travis do. I mean- In any arena doing anything. It was so good. It was rehearsed. It had to be rehearsed. Mr Willingham, you're accepted to Julliard. (laughing) All it took was the Chutney monologue made popular here on Narrative Telephone. Oh my god, how amazing would it be if years from now we get word that someone was accepted into some institution using the Chutney monologue. NYU. (laughing) (mysterious music) Welcome to the Critical Role after show. That's what Marisha wanted to call it. C R A S, cras. Do not slander me, like that you bitch. CRAS. CRAS. Actually I would've signed off on that. I would've signed off on that. So would I have. So would I have. Now we get- No it would have to be like the [Marisha And Travis] Critical Role After Show Special. Yes, there you go. Boom, so now. Yeah, every week is special. Now instead- If we were canceled Brian that's what we'll name this show. Okay. CRASS, yeah. Well that's fine. There's a whole line of people waiting to take my place. Many of them outside my house, which is weird. (relaxing music) (mysterious music) (fast clacking) LAURA: Hey critters, Laura Bailey here. Let's see what's up in the Critical Role shop. Oh my gosh, it's so amazing. Roll an investigation if you want. It's basically perfect. Oh goodie, you can not just like my brother. Can you put donuts in this? Only one way to find out. So click on over to the Critical Role shop. Don't worry there's a few more minutes in the break. You've still got time. Like a symphony playing to an empty theater Critical Role dines alone without its audience. Yes, that validating and most enthusiastic congregation on the other side of the fourth wall. And what is this fourth wall separating the viewer from the creator? A portal to an often sought point of connection, or the Twitch subscription zone? On the rare occasion that you miss the live bacchanal boasted by the ragtag group of thespians on Thursday night, you may always view the show on demand in the shadowland known as the Twitch subscription zone. Picture if you will the necessary pieces to complete a jigsaw puzzle but it's up to you to choose how it will be solved. You could of course subscribe with your debt rectangle but many more divergent paths lie before you. Perhaps you found yourself in possession of an Amazon Prime account. You would then wake up to discover a free Twitch subscription each month for a channel of your choosing. But this artifact demands renewal for you must resubscribe each month to quench its unyielding thirst. One need not walk alone. Those who have already found their way can illuminate the path for others via the gift a sub button on Twitch. Critical Role is humbled by your subscription and wishes to thank you from behind the thin veil of this fourth wall. We hope you enjoy our content as much as we enjoy making it. And so ends another meandering digression, a complicated parody promo down an indistinct highway to the region we call the Twitch subscription zone. You will subscribe. Twitch prime subscribe. Gift subscribe. Subscribe. (eerie music) MATT: And welcome back. So. The Mighty Nein, you have left the coliseum-type structure here, in the middle of the Praesidis Ward. You have acquired a new Aeormaton companion, which you've named Charlie, for the time being. First off, as you're heading back into the shadow to retrace your steps, I'd like you all to roll a stealth check. LIAM: Yes, yes, yes, yes. LAURA: Oh, Blessing of the Trickster. TRAVIS: Thank you. SAM: Will Charlie roll as well? No, Charlie's on Jester. LAURA: He's on my back, right? MATT: Correct. But I will roll to see if he stays quiet. TRAVIS: Keep his fucking mouth shut. TALIESIN: Oh, that's gross. MARISHA: Bad, or good? LIAM: Bad. LAURA: Ooh. MATT: All righty. LIAM: Oh Vax, where are you? MARISHA: These are bad noises. LAURA: It's hard to-- TRAVIS: 12. LAURA: It's hard to stealth when I've got an Aeormaton on my back. TRAVIS: You're stealthing for two. LAURA: I'm stealthing for two! Three! Technically. MATT: "I have been purely quiet." LAURA: Oh no. MATT: What's your stealth? LAURA: Eight. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Sechs. MATT: Okay. SAM: 24. MATT: Okay. ASHLEY: 19. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Seven. (groaning) MARISHA: 27. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: Just like, three fifths bad. LAURA: Oh no. MATT: Okay. LAURA: I think we're going to fight a gorilla. LIAM: (whispering) Sex monstah. ASHLEY: (whispering) Sex monstah. (giggling) MATT: You continue on retracing your path, heading deeper into the Praesidis Ward, eventually passing by the familiar structure of the mausoleum that you had nearly investigated. And following the path that Veth and Beauregard had set before, eventually you begin to come upon the site of this gruesome battle that proceeded your arrival. Where do you go from there? SAM: Should we just-- TALIESIN: Straight on ahead, right? MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: We're just going to walk right through? Or should we stealth through? LAURA: Is there a blood trail going from here now? MATT: You are stealthing. SAM: Should we-- can you do your-- TRAVIS: Invisibility? SAM: Marine layer? TRAVIS: I can. It hasn't ever worked out in our advantage. SAM: I know, but we're just moving through this space, right? LAURA: You have to be within five feet of Fjord in order to not be blinded. SAM: Yeah, I understand. But he can drop it. You can drop it, right? TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: We would be like a moveable cloud. I don't know! TALIESIN: But most of us couldn't see. TRAVIS: No, you can if we're all just in a honeycomb. LAURA: We literally would have to walk on you. TRAVIS: Yeah, we'd have to be in a little, tight group. SAM: I can't see anyway. TALIESIN: Oh wow, yeah. SAM: Doesn't bother-- I'll be outside the little, tight cluster. Doesn't bother me. No? TRAVIS: I think we just keep stealthing and we're okay. SAM: Okay. LAURA: Did they leave another blood trail? TRAVIS: Never worked out. MATT: You can make an investigation check, if you like. LIAM: You heard something here too, yeah? SAM: Yes, we heard a second-- a third sex monster. LAURA: 13. MATT: It's hard to tell if it was a trail, or if it's just spatterings of blood as part of this battle. I mean, the road continues onward. LAURA: That's true, and we know where they're going mostly. TRAVIS: We do? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: I saw it trail this way, right? TALIESIN: It's all going that way. MATT: You recall, somewhat, following the path you were traveling, yeah. MARISHA: From what I found last time. LAURA: Hey! Hey, Charlie. MATT: "Yes?" LAURA: Which way was the Somnovem Ward? SAM: Genesis Ward? Or-- LIAM: Cognouza. LAURA: Cognouza Ward. MATT: "Cogno-- cog-- cog-- Cognouza Ward. Hi, I'm Charlie." SAM: Oh. LAURA: Oh. SAM: What? LAURA: Hi, Charlie. MATT: "Hello." SAM: Oh? LIAM: Just over your shoulder, this conversation? LAURA: Yeah. He's right here. Do you remember us, Charlie? Sprinkle is deeply unsatisfied with this. MATT: "Yes." TALIESIN: I mean-- SAM: Crushing Sprinkle. LIAM: Does that name mean anything to you? Cognouza Ward? MATT: "I recall it is a part of Aeor." LIAM: Yes. MATT: "Yes. A ward to the--" LIAM: Well, north is that way. SAM: Maybe he's-- LIAM: So knowing that, do you know what the Cognouza Ward is? SAM: -- purposefully blocked. MATT: "There is much damage sustained to myself. Upon recovery and repair, perhaps I could better answer your questions." LAURA: Mm-hmm. LIAM: Fair enough. SAM: Charlie, do you have a preferred pronoun? MATT: "'He' is acceptable." SAM: Okay. We guessed right. MARISHA: Charlie can be a girl's name, too. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Well, don't worry. We've been saying "he" a lot, that's all. MARISHA: Gender neutral name. TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah. MARISHA: That's true. TRAVIS: Charlie. Ryan. Those are awesome names. MARISHA: Yeah. Beau. LAURA: Alex. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: "Thank you for asking." SAM: Sure. LAURA: Sam. MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: Yeah? LAURA: Nothing. SAM: Oh. TRAVIS: Yeah, we're going. LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. SAM: Let's keep going! MARISHA: We're just listing baby names over here. (laughter) MATT: All right. Trekking on past, you begin to approach where the heavy rock slope begins to cut across this main thoroughfare, essentially preventing continuation beyond where this road comes to an end at the stone. Right as you're reaching this portion, Caduceus, Beauregard, and Caleb, you begin to pick up the sound of what-- it's like a handful of tumbling rocks. MARISHA: Coming from where? MATT: From behind you. MARISHA: I turn around really quick, and I nudge Caduceus. TALIESIN: I'm paying very close attention. MARISHA: I tell everybody, shh shh shh! TRAVIS: We freeze. MATT: Nothing. TRAVIS: Divine Sense, 60 feet. Third charge. MATT: Nothing. SAM: Also-- just-- I can see anything-- or if I can hear, I can-- I can sense anything invisible around us with a 10-foot radius. MATT: That is true. SAM: Anything invisible? MATT: Nothing. TALIESIN: Just for fun, since we're doing this, Eyes Of The Grave. 60 feet. TRAVIS: (explosions) MATT: I know! (laughter) Nothing. TALIESIN: I like that you did that in the robot way, in Charlie's voice. That was nice. That was good bonus. Okay, let's move with eyes in the back of our head, so. MARISHA: Okay. Where does this go? The path? MATT: The path ends. You can go to the right or left, and follow the wall, if you'd like. Your choice. TALIESIN: Oh. MARISHA: Are there passages that extend on the right, or the left? MATT: You don't see any yet. There's just a wall. LAURA: Do we see blood on the ground? We see any blood on the ground going either direction? MATT: You could make a perception or investigation check, if you'd like. TALIESIN: I'll join in that. LAURA: Yeah, you're helping? TALIESIN: Yeah, I'll help. LAURA: 15. MATT: 15. Nothing specifically catches your eye, unfortunately. LAURA: Hey, Charlie! MATT: "Yes." LAURA: Can you see the ground? MATT: "I see it." LAURA: Can you scan the ground? Scan for blood. Enhance! LIAM: What are those words? (laughter) TRAVIS: You're supposed to say "computer." MATT: "I do not see any blood nearby. My apologies." LAURA: It's okay. MARISHA: I'm going to take the left. Just see just a little bit, feel around. TALIESIN: Charlie, which way to the Genesis Ward? Left or right? MATT: "This way," and points towards\| where the stone wall is. TALIESIN: Fair. All right. MARISHA: I'm just going to start feeling the wall, feeling for drafts. Is there any direction, as I head towards the left. This is the right. The left. LAURA: Is it like Labyrinth? Can we touch the wall? Can we go through the wall in front of us? (gasps) MATT: (impact) LAURA: Okay. MATT: It's actual rock, sorry. So, to the right or the left? TALIESIN: Classic rock. MARISHA: Left. TALIESIN: Left. MATT: Left. Okay. You follow along the side of this, somewhat extreme, angled stone falling point before it impacts. And a lot of the rock is fractured upward, and sticking out from the impact. You can see it's caused almost like the edge of a violently created volcanic cliff. Right here from the point of impact. As you move along, for about three, four minutes, eventually you see there is a portion where the stone itself is broken in two. Like, there's some sort of a heavy crack and an opening that leads, and continues on through the wall. MARISHA: I found a crack! MATT: (light knocking) LAURA: (gasps) MARISHA: Is that another rock? LIAM: It's still behind us? A little ways behind you, but you hear another sound. TALIESIN: I am scanning the horizon. MATT: Make a perception check with disadvantage. LAURA: Charlie! MATT: "Yes." LAURA: Scan the horizon for any lifeforms. TALIESIN: Big nope. MATT: Nope. TALIESIN: No! MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: That was a one. MATT: "Light sources are challenged in this space. Nothing can be perceived." TRAVIS: "Superior society," no night vision. Lame! (laughter) No offense, Charlie. (laughter) MATT: "None taken." SAM: Should we just run? MARISHA: Let's get in. Do you guys want to squeeze in here? It seems like it keeps going forward. Get through the wall. TALIESIN: Is there enough room? MARISHA: I think so, is there enough room? MATT: You come around the corner there, and you could see why the wall seems to have cracked. There is some very cleanly made, metallic, triangular entryway. Like it was the entrance to some sort of a large structure, or some sort of large building. And the entry point was this thick, metallic point. Almost like a blade with a tunnel within, and as the rock collided with it, it carved and broke. You can see it's bent to shit and ruined, and tangled somewhat to the side from where it hit. But as it did, it was just enough to split that element of the stone, and hold itself firm. And so there is indeed a passageway that leads beyond. LIAM: How far? Does it just go for awhile? Can we see how deep? MATT: It seems like it goes on for at least the edge of your visual range. Which without much of a light source here, is very short. MARISHA: It's a creepy tunnel. LIAM: So if there is something coming behind us, it would have to funnel in after us, same as us. Maybe we can get in, and if it's something big, it won't be able to follow. And if it's something our size, we can be ready for it. TRAVIS: Yep. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: [inaudible] MARISHA: I start shimmying in. I'm goin' in. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Yasha? ASHLEY: Yep. MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: Watch your step. Watch your step. ASHLEY: I get behind her. MATT: Okay. You are welcome to shimmy. The space is wide enough where you do not need to do that. (laughter) But who am I to stop you? If you're feeling a shimmy coming on. (laughter) TRAVIS: I've got low light, stealth move. Disrupt the air. (laughter) MATT: While the entryway itself is bent and fucked up in its own right, there is about an eight-foot wide space, from what was once about 15 feet across. LIAM: Just two wild and crazy girls. (laughter) ASHLEY: Two wild and crazy girls. TRAVIS: God, oh my god. MATT: All right, so we have Beau and Yasha up front. TRAVIS: What are you doing? Stop that! MARISHA: I thought this was a musical number. ASHLEY: Use your stealth. MATT: Are the rest of you waiting? Or are you moving in behind? LAURA: I think we're going in behind. MATT: Okay, who's after them? LIAM: We're walking in the dark? TRAVIS: So far. MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: Once we're inside-- TRAVIS: We have to light it up soon. MATT: Who's second wave? LAURA: I'll come in second with Charlie. MATT: Okay. I should've gotten a Charlie mini, but we'll say he's on your back. TRAVIS: I will be in the rear. LIAM: I will join you in the rear. LAURA: (cackles) TRAVIS: Fans will love that. (laughter) MATT: Essek will travel with Caduceus in the center. Veth, are you--? SAM: Middle. MATT: Middle? All right, that's you in that space there. LIAM: Anyone opposed to me making a globule right here? TRAVIS: No. LIAM: I'm going to do that. TRAVIS: Are you opposed to me lighting up my sword? LIAM: That's fine, too. TRAVIS: Let's do it. MATT: All right. ASHLEY: Was thinking that as well. MATT: You step a little bit in towards the space and it's getting chillier, as you progress into this room. The chamber inside most of the city, it seemed to emanate a... a sourceless sense of warmth, or at least controlled weather based on the icy exterior of the city. As you begin to step into this space, that quickly fades, and you can see frost and ice gathered on the edges of the inside of this metallic hallway, and stone is broken through in places. And eventually, it begins to give away to just a natural, ice covered tunnel space. LAURA: I forgot it's actually cold down here. MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Yeah. MARISHA: Do you think that they just kept it nice and temperate all year long? LAURA: Probably. MARISHA: It's pretty nice. LIAM: Central air. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: We light up the globule and the Star Razor. MATT: (foomphing) You fill the space in front of you, and the tunnel ahead. Your vision is able to crystallize on the details around you. And this is a space where you can see the structure you walk through was structurally battling with the impact of the city. It doesn't look like there is a continuous fall of rock above, but it looks like elements of the ceiling above you is bent and shifted. Some areas, you have to push a little bit through. TRAVIS: As we move forward, I am looking strictly at our six o'clock. LIAM: Yeah. Same. MATT: You got it. Make a perception check, please, both of you. LIAM: Head on a swivel. SAM: I'm going to look down and see if there's any more blood. MATT: Make an investigation check for me. TRAVIS: 19. LIAM: 22. LAURA: Can I give you Guidance? MATT: 19, 22. Okay. LAURA: Or help you in any way? SAM: Who, me? Oh. 23. LAURA: That's pretty good. Do you want to take advantage on it, if I'm helping you? SAM: Yeah, sure. 23. MATT: (laughs) LAURA: Plus I gave you Guidance. SAM: 25. MATT: 25. The bad news, with the shift to icier temperatures, in this segment of the hall, is it as much colder than you've gotten used to in recent travel. TRAVIS: Oh wow. MATT: The good news is, the layer of frost has made discoloration easier to see. And as you all begin to walk through, you glance down at the bit of whitish frost before your feet break through, and you can see little bits of red, just occasionally spattered there. Small drops. SAM: Pick one up. MATT: Barbecue sauce. (laughter) SAM: Mesquite! (laughter) TRAVIS: What I wouldn't do for some hickory. (laughter) SAM: I knew it. Tennessee style. TRAVIS: Molasses. MATT: Beau and Yasha, since you are towards the front, you see a little ways ahead the tunnel begins to open into a new chamber. Smaller than the massive, mile-, two mile-, three mile-wide city tunnel you had just traveled through the cavern. This looks to be an enclosed chamber. There is no light source beyond the ones your friends are carrying behind you, except for this faint, thrumming, blue light, that seems to be occasionally filling the space. You see darkness, and then a blue light fades in, and you can see a corner and a pillar. And then it fades away. And then it fades in and you can see once more. There's a pillar that goes beyond your view. You can just see within this entryway that leads into the interior chamber. And you can just barely make out the interior shape. MARISHA: Do you remember Lucien having anything like that? ASHLEY: I don't think so. MARISHA: Me neither. TALIESIN: This is the moment to remind everybody that we're a little tapped. MARISHA: All right. ASHLEY: Oh fuck. MARISHA: I just turn back around to the rest of the group. Light up ahead. TRAVIS: Anything on our six o'clock? MATT: With your perception check? Not yet. TRAVIS: Okay. SAM: Not yet. It's coming. LAURA: Reminder that we all did eat a Heroes' Feast. MARISHA: Yes, queen. LAURA: So you're immune to fear. Or, no. What is it? Advantage to saving throws on-- I'm going to read the spell. MATT: You're immune to poison and fear, and you have advantage on wisdom saving throws. LAURA: Yeah. ASHLEY: Should we-- MARISHA: Go up ahead? ASHLEY: -- shimmy forward? MARISHA: Okay. We'll check it out. Hang on one second. SAM: Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, ya. TRAVIS: You sure you don't want to take Veth? ASHLEY: Veth? MARISHA: Veth wished for Jester to be with her earlier, so. LAURA: You did? You did? SAM: I did. LAURA: That's so wonderful. SAM: You're my number one, original partner. But Beau was excellent. LAURA: Yeah, no. She's really great. SAM: Yeah. If you die at the end of season two, she's my new partner. LAURA: Foreshadowing! MARISHA: (laughs) MATT: So the two of you shimmy into the chamber? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: All right. As you step into the space-- MARISHA: Jazz hands. MATT: The room looks to be maybe 80 feet across or so. Mostly rectangular. And in comparison to a lot of the structures you've come across, this one is fairly well-kept. Beyond the entryway that you're coming through, some of the walls are still fairly intact. The sense of cold and ice seems to dissipate quickly into the room, which is odd. Like just a portion of that hallway seemed to give into the cold atmosphere. And then once more, the room seems to-- not that you feel the warmth with just the brief steps you've taken in. You're still standing in frost. Maybe 10 or so feet beyond where you stand, the ice stops, and gives way to just stone. Smooth stone floor. Elements of the interior walls that are reminiscent of some of the previous ruins that you've been to. You can see across from you, there appears to be a hallway entrance that continues outside of this chamber, and to your left, across the wall that way, there is a second hallway that exits in that direction. But not far from you, close to the center of this room, there is a raised pillar. And atop that, what looks to be a 15- or 20-foot-tall spire. And as you glance up, this room is quite tall. Taller than that spire, at least. Probably close to 80 feet tall. TRAVIS: Whoa. SAM: Cool. MATT: And that spire is metallic and spirals upwards. At the top and throughout the center of it, there is this faint, blue light that (pulsing). TALIESIN: Well, this is a problem. MATT: And as it thrums, each time you can feel this energy in the room spike then fade. Spike and fade. And as you sense that, you look at each other, and as that sensation comes in, you can see the hair on the other person's head, mostly Yasha's, since yours is bound for the most part, begin to drift up a bit before dropping. SAM: Whoa, cool. MARISHA: It's like those-- I've seen this before. MATT: As you do that with your fingers, you can see bits of energy arc through your fingers to each side and give a slight staticky sound. MARISHA: This is really cool. We have to keep Veth far away. She's got explosives on her. ASHLEY: Yeah, she'll go up like a candle. MARISHA: Super-- TALIESIN: I'm going to be cold again. ASHLEY: Wait, put your finger out. MARISHA: Okay. Okay. ASHLEY: Ow! MARISHA: Ah! MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: (laughs) Yeah. SAM: (laughs) ASHLEY: That's a fun trick. MARISHA: That's hot. Hang on. Wait, come here. Kiss me. Ah! ASHLEY: Ow! MARISHA: It hurts. Okay, okay, okay, let's go. ASHLEY: Like a battery. TRAVIS: (zapping, explosion) Double kill. MATT: Yep. (laughs) Zero hit points. (laughter) LIAM: They both come out looking like Bride of Frankenstein. TRAVIS: Uh-huh. ASHLEY: It's crazy in here! MARISHA: It's great. LAURA: Didn't we see this kind of thing? We saw this kind of thing before, right? We saw it in the other place with the crest. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Slightly, but it summoned the golem that time. LAURA: Oh. ASHLEY: Ooh. TRAVIS: Right, Matt? LAURA: Hey! Hey, Charlie. MATT: There are facets of it that remind you of a similar type of enchantment, though that one-- TRAVIS: More structure? MATT: Yeah. This has more of an electrical feel to it. And even now that they've mentioned this, even in just this portion of the tunnel, a ways back, you can taste a change you can taste a change in the way the air meets your tongue. LIAM: Oh boy. LAURA: My skin feels very dry in here. Hey. LIAM: Are we in the tunnel still, though, talking about this? MATT: Yeah. You're a little bit back from the mouth of the opening. ASHLEY: Yeah. We back up. LAURA: Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. Charlie. Charlie, Charlie. MATT: "Yes?" LAURA: Have you ever seen-- well, you have. Do you know what that pulsing blue light is? MATT: "I do." LAURA: What is it? MATT: "This is a security checkpoint." LAURA: How do you get through it, without toasting yourself alive? MATT: "Do not give it to reason to toast you." LAURA: Oh, so you can just walk right past it? MATT: "If you are approved to pass by, yes." TRAVIS: Ooh! ASHLEY: How do you know if you're approved? MATT: "Walk past it." LAURA: Hmm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. TALIESIN: Oh. TRAVIS: Should we have pulled something off of one of the corpses in the amphitheater? Like a key, or a charm? Or a fob? LAURA: Do you know the approval protocols? MATT: "Usually it's by escorting, if you do not already carry the necessary keys." SAM: Are you a key? MATT: "I do not believe so." TALIESIN: Would you have the authority to get us through this? MATT: "I do not know. We could try." LIAM: What was the layout of that room again? As far as further passageways or doors out of it? MATT: So it is a mostly rectangular chamber. You guys are entering on, like, if you're entering from this side, it opens a little bit outward, and almost widely at an angle across from where you are. Like this. LIAM: Okay. MATT: The pillar's in the center of it, and across the way, there is one hall that exits, and then to the left, there is another hall that exits. LIAM: Ah. TRAVIS: And cross to cross is about 80 feet? And the spire-- is that right? 80 feet from hallway to hallway? MATT: About 70 to 80. TRAVIS: And the spire in the middle is also super tall? MATT: Correct. LIAM: I'm going to bring my globules to the edge of the hallway. Can I see any dots of red on the ground going towards one passage or the other? MATT: From where you stand here? LIAM: Ja. MATT: Make a perception or investigation. LIAM: Investigate. I'm just going to peer. SAM: (German accent) Peer. LIAM: I rolled a one. LAURA: (laughs) (laughter) MATT: You look down for a second, and you can't seem to see it. As you stand up and look back at your friends, Caleb's hair is just-- (laughter) SAM: Silly. TRAVIS: Yeah, we don't want to set this thing off. LIAM: Fjord. TRAVIS: Yes? LIAM: (poofs) Are you able to do that doorway thing that we did at Vergesson? TRAVIS: I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was just caught by your-- LIAM: Oh, sorry. What is it? LAURA: I'm going to draw him in my journal. TRAVIS: Your hair and your beard are quite voluptuous. TALIESIN: Yahoo Serious. SAM: Yeah, I was thinking that same thing. LIAM: The thick Zemnian mane, yes. That's how it's been referred to in the past. I was thinking of-- TRAVIS: The Arcane Gate. LIAM: -- your ability to jump us across, but I was hoping to have a good guess at which door to pick. TRAVIS: Right. Get one. I don't think I can move the doorway, I can only rotate it. So we would be stuck with whichever one we pick. LIAM: Right. TRAVIS: Unless maybe Frumpkin wouldn't set off a blast of 20d10 damage from this thing. LIAM: That is a test, yeah. TRAVIS: (poof) LIAM: (sighs) SAM: So we think if we just walk through there, we're going to get zapped with something? TRAVIS: Yeah. We don't have any keys. LAURA: How far can you go past the orb before it attacks you? If you don't have approval? MATT: "I don't recall, though, it seemed proximity-based." LAURA: Hmm. LIAM: The column, it's magical, ja? MATT: You don't know. LIAM: Okay. ASHLEY: But Charlie, which way? MATT: Make an arcana check while looking at the construction of it to see. LIAM: Yes, I will do that. ASHLEY: Did we ask him already? Which way to the--? TRAVIS: Oh, we asked him outside. We should ask him again. ASHLEY: Yeah. Which way do we go? MATT: "I do not recall." TRAVIS: To the Genesis Ward? MATT: "Wait, maybe we we-- we-- we-- we-- we. Oui, oui." ASHLEY: Ooh. TALIESIN: Yeah. ASHLEY: I think he's got another language. LIAM: Well, he is a protocol droid. MATT: "I learn quickly." TRAVIS: (laughs) ASHLEY: Oh! LIAM: I got a 28 on that arcana check. MATT: It does appear to be magical in nature. A lot of things in Aeor have some sort of basis in long-lasting arcana. LIAM: Okay. I have another idea. I'm going to try something. I might get hurt. Please pull me out if I do get hurt. TRAVIS: Okay. LIAM: I take Allura's staff and use it to cast Globe of Invulnerability. SAM: Nice. MATT: Okay. LIAM: And proceed to walk 15 feet into the chamber. MATT: Okay. You walk 15 feet into the chamber. As you get within about 10 feet of the pillar in the center, the tower (pulsing, crackles) It unleashes this arc, this torrent of extremely strong, electrical, blue, sparkling energy. Hitting the orb, and striking the side, and dividing, and sending this wave of sparks across the surface But not affecting you. LIAM: Ooh! Hoo! I run back. I got about 45 seconds. SAM: Ah! LIAM: Let's go to the door on the left. SAM: Wait. How many of us can fit with you? LIAM: All of you. Let's go. TRAVIS, ASHLEY: Go, go, go! MATT: Okay. As you all excitedly begin to yell, "Go, go, go!" You hear (panting, grunting) (roaring) LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah! MATT: From behind where you are echo through. MARISHA: Gotta go! MATT: You all go running. TRAVIS: Run, bitch! LIAM: Lure it to the chamber! It'll cook! MATT: You guys all run into the middle of the chamber, this arcing of energy, blast to the side, like half-blinding you as it's hitting. You're like, "Oh god!" As you're freaking out, it's sparking off to the side. You hear the (grunting) loudly coming from behind you. LIAM: Sex monster! MATT: Which way are you going? TRAVIS: Left! Left, right? Left. LIAM: Left. I said left. I'm running with the staff to the left. MATT: You run over to the left. You get to the door, and around the corner, you see, down on all fours, this massive, fleshless, wolf-like creature. You see it has this weird, striated, muscle-like structure, with this odd red and blue mixture across it. It's like the skin has been pulled off and replaced with this odd mishmash of various colorations. As it turns the corner, (snarling) its jaw gibbering and drooling out of its teeth, arcing upward. Its eyes, this faintly dull, yellowish glow. Its tail whips. And at the end of its tail, this long, fleshy, spiraling stalk, you see a singular, massive eye. TRAVIS: Oh! LAURA: It's the thing! It's the thing! It was the thing in the tube! LIAM: Yeah. We saw in the other area. MATT: Indeed. MARISHA: Oh! MATT: I need you guys to roll initiative. (yelling) SAM: Initiative?! I thought we were just going to run away! TRAVIS: You thought wrong, bitch! LIAM: I thought he was describing it coming from behind us. LAURA: It was! LIAM: Is it? ASHLEY: I think it is. MARISHA: Wait, is it behind us? It is coming from behind us. MATT: The sound is coming from behind you. SAM: Guys. This sexual combat is brought to you by Dwarven Forge, makers of premium handcrafted gaming terrain. Their April build of the month continues the story of Fantasy Gary Gygax, searching for his beloved rabbit companion. Check it out at bit.ly/dwarvenforgeCR. Whoa! MATT: Oh no-- SAM: Whoa. MARISHA: (laughs) LAURA: Cool. SAM: Oh, man. MARISHA: Okay, we have a Heroes' Feast. LAURA: Yes. MATT: There it is. SAM: What does that mean? MARISHA: (laughs) MATT: All righty. SAM: How are we going to fight this thing? MARISHA: Wisdom? LAURA: I don't know. Advantage on wisdom saving throws-- SAM: We have three seconds left. LAURA: Immune to poison and immune to fear. MARISHA: Can we just keep running? MATT: You all began to run this way. LIAM: Just depends on where they are. TRAVIS: Where'd we come from? MATT: You came through this side, and this was across the way, and then on the opposite end. MARISHA: Whoa, that spire. MATT: All right. Who is arranged around Caleb? TRAVIS: We all are. LIAM: Right, so we don't get toasted. LAURA: And we're all in this sphere, though. TRAVIS: We're all in the Adventures of Babysitting huddle. MATT: Is there a particular-- SAM: Nobody gets off this stage without singing the blues. LAURA: I think we're all just as around him as possible. TALIESIN: Yeah, I think it's just a clusterfuck. MATT: All right, the clusterfuck is-- MARISHA: Moving cinnamon roll. MATT: It's as much of a clusterfuck as I laid it down. Unless you tell me something otherwise, this is where it is. TRAVIS, LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: I mean, you have to be within 10 feet of him, right? SAM: Is that big enough? Okay. LIAM: 10 foot radius. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: We all have to run at the same time. (laughs) Oh, it's coming from in front of us? MATT: Yeah, that turned the corner from the hallway that you were heading towards. TRAVIS: Flip me with Essek, so I can be at the back-- LIAM: A little miscommunication in there. TRAVIS: Closest to the enemy that's chasing us. MATT: What's that? TRAVIS: Yeah, flip me with Essek, so I can-- Yeah, Tower Swap back in. MATT: You got it. TALIESIN: How crazy should I-- Well, we'll find out. MATT: As you guys rush through and turn towards that hallway. The creature you see with the tail is coming down the hall on the path you were racing towards and turns the corner to face you. As you glance over your shoulder where you came-- SAM: Oh! MATT: Rounding the corner. SAM: Oh, there's another one. MARISHA: Son of a bitch! TRAVIS: Oh shit, what is that?! MARISHA: He's a different thingy! LAURA: Oh no. MATT: That is-- LAURA: That's the gorilla thing. MATT: That is the massive bear-gorilla-like creature that you had seen two of them slaughtered. LIAM: Bear Grylls is here? MARISHA: Bear Grylls is here. MATT: Bear Grylls has had a rough year. (laughs) MARISHA: Pandemic's been hard on all of us. MATT: Indeed. But-- LIAM: Wow. SAM: Whoa. TRAVIS: Oh no. ASHLEY: Oh my goodness. LAURA: Please let this dome electrocute them both. TRAVIS: How long does this globe last? LAURA: 45 seconds! SAM: 10 seconds. LIAM: A minute total, so there's probably a couple of rounds in it. Two or three rounds? MARISHA: Should we just keep moving? SAM: It took him time to go in and come back, and for us to come in. TRAVIS: We'll need a DM ruling. MATT: All right, so I need initiatives, 25 to 20. MARISHA: 23. LAURA: 23. MATT: 23, damn! TRAVIS: Who has the higher dex? LAURA: I bet she-- I have a plus four to dex. TRAVIS: Okay. MARISHA: You have a plus four to dex? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Dang. I'm a plus five, but-- MATT: 20 to 15. ASHLEY: 21. MATT: Oh, hell yeah, Yasha. MARISHA: Ooh! LIAM: (beeping) MATT: All right. LIAM: Oh right, I got a minus for my staff. SAM: (triumphant battle trumpet) ASHLEY: I don't know why I answered when you said 20 to 15. MATT: That's okay. MARISHA: I mean, we're going to be resting soon-- MATT: Anybody else 20 to 15? MARISHA: -- but also-- SAM: 14. MARISHA: Never know when we're going to-- LIAM: 14. TRAVIS: 13. TALIESIN: 13. LIAM: Oh, wow. We're all clumped up in the initiative. MATT: All right, so we have-- TRAVIS: Veth, Caleb-- LAURA: Caleb, Fjord. TRAVIS: No. LIAM: I'm a 14 as well. TRAVIS: Caduceus then Fjord, because my dex is zero. MATT: All right. MARISHA: So Veth, Caleb, Cad, Fjord? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: So that's everybody. All righty. And it is a 10-foot radius, you said? LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: Oh my god. (cheering) MARISHA: Wait, what? TRAVIS: Bless you! MARISHA, TRAVIS: What is that? MARISHA: What is it? LAURA: That's amazing. MATT: That is actually the Leomund's Tiny Hut. LIAM: Oh, is it? MATT: Structure for it, I believe. MARISHA, ASHLEY: That's so cute! LAURA: Is that the size of the dome we always sleep in? MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: We got the best toys. MATT: It's crowded, y'all. LAURA: Oh shit. LIAM: Yeah, yeah. It's a cuddle pile. LAURA: We are-- TRAVIS: We've got the best toys. LAURA: -- on each other. SAM: It's a big Dutch oven. MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs) TRAVIS: Oh yeah. (laughter) LAURA: So the Globe of Invulnerability, does that protect us against physical? TRAVIS: Yasha, stop fucking in the dome! LIAM: Just magic. And it's up to a certain level. MATT: Beauregard. LIAM: Any spell of 5th-level or lower-- MATT: You're up first, Jester-- LIAM: -- can't get through, higher can. MATT: Jester, you're on deck. MARISHA: I'm up first. I'm up first! No, I hate this! Okay. TRAVIS: Fuck up the thing in front of you, go get it. MARISHA: That's exac-- I'm going to just assume that we're going to press on and I'm going to break rank, and I'm going to clear the path in front of us to-- SAM: You're going to leave the dome? MARISHA: I don't know, yeah. I don't know what else to do. SAM: Yeah, sure. MARISHA: I run up and I punch things. LIAM: Thanks, guinea pig. TRAVIS: (laughs) MARISHA: That's all I got. MATT: It is likely-- TRAVIS: Or kick. Or elbow. MARISHA: Or kick, yeah, yeah, yeah. MATT: It's probably easier to keep this visually situated like that, so you guys can move in and out without having to worry about that. But now that you've seen it, you get the sense of how it looks. A little more of a bluish tint. Whatever coloration you would like, Caleb, but yes-- LAURA: What Allura would have, right? MATT: This Allura's staff, so yeah, it would be like a faint grayish-blue coloration. LAURA: Ooh. MATT: What are you doing, Beauregard? MARISHA: I'm going to use Yasha and Fjord's shoulders next to me to lift myself and propel myself over the group. And I'm going to come forward to eyeball-butt. MATT: All right. MARISHA: Man. Thing. MATT: Right up front, just like that, or off to the side? What are you thinking? MARISHA: No, right in front of his face. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to come up and I'm going to do a big swinging front kick to the front of his face and I'm going to bring my kick right back down and do a one-two full-on Thai style. Oh god, those are both fives for a 17. Both of them. MATT: They both hit. MARISHA: They both hit, okay. Thank goodness gracious, okay. And then-- Okay. Sorry, I am using-- Okay, seven. Okay, 14 on the first one. MATT: 14 damage, you got it. MARISHA: 10 damage on the second one. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Stunning Strike. MATT: Stunning Strike on the first strike. Natural 17. That's a 19 total. MARISHA: Natural 17 for a 19 total. MATT: Sorry, total of 21. My bad. MARISHA: You've got pretty good constitution, then. Stunning Strike on the second one, too. MATT: All righty. That is not as good. That would be a seven. MARISHA: Fail! He is stunned! MATT: Indeed. (laughter) LIAM: Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, MARISHA: Through the tunnel still. MATT: As you rush forth jumping over the rest of them. You rush forward and just, boof, boof! Slamming with your staff and the second strike you hit it right across side of its head. As you crack it in the temple, you see both of his eyes go dark as they close. In the beginning it's like (grunting), just shaking its head back and forth. It is looking like its having a tough time right now. MARISHA: Great, I'm going to go jazz hands, pop pop! MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: And Flurry of Blows-- TRAVIS: Cries out in Common, "Mommy!" MARISHA: (laughs) Ooh, yikes. That first one is a 14-- so 26 on one. MATT: All righty. MARISHA: And 14 on the second roll, too. MATT: Second roll misses, first one hits. MARISHA: Okay, so the first one-- does damage. Ooh, I rolled an eight, though. That's good. So that is, nope. Nope, it's a three. It's not an eight. 10 damage. MATT: 10 damage, all righty. You got it. Does that finish your turn? MARISHA: Yeah, do I still have enough movement to get back into the dome? MATT: Yes, you would. MARISHA: I will do that because he is stunned. So he cannot take reactions. MATT: I believe it is the case. MARISHA: Okay, and I go back in and I go: I stunned him! Ooh, uh, Extract Aspects! Because I hit on-- MATT: Indeed. Indeed, so after those impacts bludgeoning it a third time. The fourth one misses. But as you dart backward, you take a moment to pull that energy back into you. It is a very odd physiology to this creature. You've never quite felt a physiology like this, in some ways it's super intricate. In some ways it's super alien. In some ways it's very clean and unnatural. It's odd. But you do sense that it is immune to necrotic and radiant damage. LAURA: Oh, weird. MARISHA: That's good. So I come back and I say: Don't use necrotic or holy shit. I don't know, it seems-- SAM: Holy shit? MARISHA: Well, holy shit! It's an alien. (laughter) MATT: That finishes Beau's go. Jester, you're up. LAURA: Okay. I don't want to use my spells, so I'm going to make a flying leap out of here. TRAVIS: (laughs) LAURA: And I'm going to-- MATT: Where? LAURA: Take my hand axe. I'm going to run forwards, towards the eyeball tail. MATT: Alrighty. LAURA: And just-- (grunting) MATT: Go for it. LAURA: Harley Quinn it. LIAM: Have fun, Charlie. SAM: Yeah. (laughter) Feel free to kill Sprinkle, but don't harm Charlie. MATT: You have advantage on the attack because of Stun, so-- LAURA: Oh ha ha, 27. MATT: 27, all righty. That hits. LAURA: So I do two additional d8 poison damage because of my-- MATT: You do. LAURA: Great. 12 points of damage. MATT: 12 points of damage. You got it. LAURA: Seven of those are poison. MATT: As you sink your axe into it and pull back, you see its blood arc a bit, but behind it, there's also a spray of a weird greenish fog. As you hit it with the axe, you imparted this venomous element of poison to its body and pull away, and it-- (shrieking) It's shrieking in a weird-- in some ways you almost feel bad because it exhibits dog-like physicality-- ASHLEY: Oh no. TALIESIN: Oh. MATT: But then the eye blinks in your direction with its horrible, pulsing, veiny exterior. You're like "This is bad, this is bad." LAURA: I'm going to say: here kitty, kitty. (chuckling) Doggy, doggy. Come on. And I'm going to back up and try and get back in the globe. MATT: All right, so then-- You can almost make it into the globe, but not quite. LAURA: Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. MATT: All right, finishing Jester's, go. Yasha, you're up. ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to peep out of the dome and also try to attack Mr. Doggy-- MATT: Over here? ASHLEY: Kitty, yes. TALIESIN: One problem is so much better than two. MATT: There you go. ASHLEY: Okay. I would like to rage. TRAVIS: (rage noises) MATT: You got it. How's that go again? ASHLEY: Bah bah bah bah. MARISHA: Can't be replicated. SAM: (babbley noises) MARISHA: One of a kind. ASHLEY: Running low on these rages. Okay, I'm going to take my first swing-- MATT: Go for it. ASHLEY: With my Holy Avenger. MATT: You have advantage on this because it is stunned. ASHLEY: Yes. Ooh, okay. Okay, 26. MATT: That definitely hits. ASHLEY: Okay. So-- SAM: What were those? ASHLEY: The little tiniest ball-- SAM: Those are the cutest. ASHLEY: I know, they're so cute. (chuckling) MATT: So Yasha, just roll your damage dice for your weapon. Because the additional damage that you'd normally do is radiant. It is immune to it. ASHLEY: Copy. MARISHA: Shit. ASHLEY: Okay, so got it. MATT: So it's just the 2d6, plus your strength, plus your weapon modifier. ASHLEY: Oh, just the 2d6. Okay, let me just roll that again. Okay, exactly the same. Okay, plus that, I think-- 19 points of damage for the first hit. MATT: Nice. ASHLEY: Second swing? MATT: Go for it, second swing. ASHLEY: Okay. Advantage still? MATT: Yeah. Still advantage, still stunned. ASHLEY: Ooh, okay, 19? MATT: 19 definitely hits. ASHLEY: Great. Ooh! MARISHA: It's like dropping diamonds. ASHLEY: Double sixes. MATT: Nice. ASHLEY: Okay. Yeah, so 15-- MATT: Plus your weapon. ASHLEY: 15. 18. MATT: 18. ASHLEY: Okay. (laughter) MARISHA: You're just the cutest. (laughter) ASHLEY: I'm bad at counting. Okay. MATT: All righty. ASHLEY: Math. MATT: All right, that finish your turn? You still have movement if you want to try and shift a little bit, up to you. ASHLEY: Nah. MATT: Good on you. All right, Yasha, your turn's done. It is now-- ASHLEY: Might be dumb. MATT: -- this fellow's turn. TRAVIS: Which one, eye-stalk? SAM: Or sex creature? TRAVIS: Oh yeah, okay. LIAM: Yeah. MATT: This creature-- ASHLEY: Sex Bob-Omb. LIAM: Sex beast. MARISHA: Where are the Sex Bob-Ombs? LAURA: (laughs) We're gonna fuck shit up! TALIESIN: Oh, okay. MATT: You can see, as it runs along on the ground it uses its longer, stronger front arms to like pull itself forward, much like a gorilla with its lower legs tearing in. And as it rushes over it-- (swish) Has these massive jagged claws out and-- (growling) Now arcs forward with both-- LAURA: Oh no. No! MATT: I'm going to say both towards you, Fjord, at the moment. TRAVIS: Okay. Sword's out. MATT: That is going to be a 19 to hit. TRAVIS: That hits. MATT: All righty, and the other is 26 to hit. TRAVIS: Oh yeah. MATT: All right, so you take-- Nine points of piercing damage. Plus seven points of force damage from one strike. TRAVIS: Wow. MATT: As its claw hits you. And as it hits you, it cuts. And then there's this like burst within the claw, almost like there's this sudden shattering of some sort of magical aura, that continues to cut through you, beyond what the claw hits. As you like, pull back the other claw, gets you from behind and you take-- MARISHA: (whispers) What? MATT: That's cocked. LAURA: I don't like this creature. MARISHA: Uh-uh. MATT: Nine points of-- sorry, that's slashing damage on both of them. So that's nine points of slashing damage. TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. MATT: And then-- 10 points of force damage on the other strike. TRAVIS: Damn. MATT: So you like-- (impacts) grab on both sides. And as you recoil from the side, you turn, Caduceus. And as it finishes slashing into Fjord, it turns to you and-- (growling) it's going to go ahead and attempt to bite towards your face. TRAVIS: That's 35 points, man. MATT: Ooh! SAM: Not the money maker. MATT: 27 to hit. TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah, it hits. MARISHA: (laughs) LIAM: That Telekinetic Watermelon Bear is not fucking around. MATT: 14 points of piercing damage. TALIESIN: Motherfucker. MATT: And 10 points of force damage-- TALIESIN: Ooh. LIAM: Oh. MATT: To your face, as it bites down and as it chomps, it releases you as the same sort of, almost like an air bullet from each one of its teeth, blast into your face and you pull away. As Caduceus rears back and makes an instinctual pain sound, you see a spray of Caduceus' blood through the air. TRAVIS: On the two strikes against me, it takes a combined 16 points of radiant damage-- LAURA: Oh, but it's immune to radiant damage-- TRAVIS: Not. LAURA: No-- TRAVIS: We don't know, it might be. MATT: As it blasts, it doesn't even react. TRAVIS: Awesome, I will use the reaction to teleport 10 feet to the opposite side of it. MATT: All righty. TRAVIS: Put my back against the wall. LAURA: Oh no, but you're out of the Globe. TRAVIS: 10 feet radius-- MARISHA: To beat, yeah. LAURA: Of the Globe? TRAVIS: Yeah, it didn't get hit. SAM: Wait, what? LAURA: It hasn't gone off yet. MATT: Not yet, you haven't seen it. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: That finishes its turn. Veth, you're up. Caleb, you're on deck. SAM: I would like to shoot the one that's stunned in front of us. I know that this sex monster's menacing us from the side. But I feel like that one's almost closer to death. So I'm going to try to take out the stunned one. MATT: Sure, you have advantage on the strike. SAM: Okay, 22 to hit. MATT: That hits. SAM: 12, 18, 24, 25, 26, 27. 33 points on the first one. MATT: Ooh, nice! SAM: And the second, I will bonus action also shoot, this time with Sharpshooter. MATT: Hell yeah, go for it. SAM: 24 to hit. MATT: That hits. SAM: And that's eight plus 10. So 18 points. MATT: 18 points, nice. As you're all shooting it and Yasha is up against it, slashing into it, the creature is starting to show some serious wear and tear, it's starting to bleed onto the ground. As it is trying to regain its senses after being thoroughly stunned and beaten by Beauregard, it's thrashing and splattering the wall with its own gore. You're going to stay put? SAM: I don't want to leave this space. Can I stay in the dome, but sort of crouched behind that little, tiny pedestal in front of me? MATT: You would be leaving the dome if you were to go behind this pedestal, unless you want to go on this side. SAM: Yeah, staying in the dome, but sort of like-- oh, I see. Oh, I can't go to the other side of it? MATT: Other side, you will technically be outside of the dome. SAM: (frustrated noise) Then I will-- Who's next to me? Fjord? MATT: There's Beauregard right there. SAM: I will hide behind Beauregard. MATT: Right there? SAM: Yes. MATT: Okay. SAM: Oh wait, I'm sorry, well, no. I think that-- The thing-- this creature's stunned in front of us with the eyeball thing-- MATT: Yeah. SAM: I feel like they're going to shoot a beam at us. So I want to be behind Beauregard. MATT: Okay, so like here? SAM: Yeah. MATT: Okay. SAM: Beauregard-- So right back to where you were? Yeah, sorry, I can't see. (laughter) LIAM: You're using the halfling trait, right? SAM: Yeah. LIAM: Of hiding behind the-- MATT: All right, so you're behind there. You use your bonus action to attack, so you cannot actually hide. SAM: I'll just huddle. MATT: Okay, you are huddled behind, loosely, nearish to Beau. You got it. And oh, I accidentally-- haha, that's funny. SAM: Who's that? MATT: That is technically, your echo that I somehow threw on there accidentally. LAURA: (laughs) So you can actually-- Was that supposed to be Charlie? Oh, I think that was Charlie. MATT: I was using as Charlie. We're just saying Charlie's on your back. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: For the purposes of this. SAM: Are Charlie and Sprinkle having a conversation? LAURA: They are-- well, Sprinkle's just screeching at him. MATT: Yep. (screeches) All right, that finishes your go. LAURA: Maybe Charlie can understand him. SAM: Yeah. MATT: All right. Caleb, you're up. ASHLEY: Maybe Charlie can speak-- LAURA: Weasel! ASHLEY: Yeah. LIAM: So I'm not going to move, because I don't want to pull the staff off of anyone. I'm just going to drag the dust along my arm and almost point-blank range, shoot the Disintegrate ray into the green meanie's face. MATT: Okay, go for it. LIAM: So that's a dex save on their part, yeah? MATT: A dex save! Got it. It does have advantage on this. Natural 19. LIAM: Oh, so yeah, saved. MATT: It saves. LIAM: Yeah, goes over shoulder, that's fine. MATT: You turn towards it and aim. It gets low and just arcs off, hits the stone wall behind it. And, (swish) it is gone. Fjord, as you're standing there suddenly you're leaning back and you hear this (swish) sound and you glance over your shoulder. And there's just a vacuous hole in the wall behind you and a pit about 10 feet below where you were standing, and your heels are just on the edge. LIAM: So that thing is fast. MATT: All right. Staying put Caleb? LIAM: Yeah, I'm not going to take that bubble off of anyone. MATT: All righty, no worries. All right, finishing Caleb's go. It is now Caduceus. Fjord, you're on deck. TALIESIN: Just because we have too many problems right now and I got what you were trying to do. I'm going to try Banishment on this thing. MATT: On the green one? TALIESIN: On the green one. MATT: All righty. That is a wisdom save? TALIESIN: That is a-- actually, a charisma save. MATT: Charisma, got it. With advantage on that. Natural 20. LIAM: Ooh. TALIESIN: Fucking fuck. TRAVIS: Wow. MARISHA: Ooh. MATT: (sighs) Sorry, buddy. LIAM: Just can't compete with its sexual energy. MARISHA: I know. MATT: Right? MARISHA: Look at his little, like Speedo he's wearing. LAURA: Yeah, I know he's wearing-- TALIESIN: Well, I'm a little fucked next round. MARISHA: He came to party. TALIESIN: Shit! (laughter) TRAVIS: "He came to party." (laughter) LAURA: Pretty sure those are leather. TRAVIS: He saw the dancing, and he was like-- LIAM: Yeah, play the Right Said Fred music. (laughter) TALIESIN: I'm going to use the last of my-- my moment to just do a Hidden Step and see if that helps. So I'm turning invisible. MATT: Okay, so you are-- MARISHA: He doesn't have sex organs-- TALIESIN: Actually-- MARISHA: --and we're just like, meh. I'm invisible. LIAM: Got a Speedo. MATT: Yeah? MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: I'm going to try and make a break for it. I'm going to go to the other side of the-- MATT: Of the dome? TALIESIN: Yeah. LIAM: Oh boy. TALIESIN: There. MATT: It does not see you. Does not get to take a reaction on you, you're fine. ASHLEY: Nice, nice. MATT: That finish your go? TALIESIN: Yep. MATT: Fjord, you're up. TRAVIS: Right, well, there's a (mumbling) a hole behind me now. I'm going to... (random noises) cast Thunder Step and get the fuck out of here. Just in case I was wrong about this thing going off and I'm going to take a knee and poof! Explode and go in this direction over here. MATT: All right. (swoosh) (poof) TRAVIS: And that is 5d10 thunder damage. LAURA: Whoa. MARISHA: Nice. LAURA: Thunder, thunder, thunder. MATT: Is that a dex save for them? TRAVIS: Yes, constitution. MATT: Oh, constitution, good to know. LAURA: Thunder, thunder. Thunder damage! (laughter) MATT: 17? TRAVIS: 18. MATT: So it does not save. TRAVIS: And it is 36 points of thunder damage. MATT: Nice. TALIESIN: Okay. MATT: As you slam the sword downward and-- (blast) The heavy sound echoes through the chamber and now the halls around you shaking like bits of stone and dust from the ceiling above. And the creature-- (grunts) gets blown partially forward, catches itself and you can't see the back of it, but it looks like it took the full brunt of that. As you, (swish) appear to the other side, showing the hall that you're standing in now curving to the left. TRAVIS: Is there anything I can just see in my immediate landing? MATT: Down this way? TRAVIS: Yes. MATT: The hall continues. TRAVIS: Just a hallway, okay. LAURA: Oh, it just (swoosh) and it comes back together? MATT: And racing down this way-- TRAVIS: Cool. LAURA: Uh-oh. MATT: Called by the sound of the chaos, it looks like a-- TRAVIS: Not the thunder, just the chaos. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: (laughs) MATT: It now has more reasons to be excited. TRAVIS: Uh-huh. MATT: But another one of these creatures is (rapid stomping sounds) this panther-like entity is just charging in the direction where you're coming. TRAVIS: Panther-like, not gorilla? LAURA: The eyeball one. MATT: Correct. LIAM: Okay, Cat-Dog. MATT: Up there. TRAVIS: Good, good, good, good. LAURA: I forget what this creature was called. It was called something in the test tubes. You would remember. LIAM: If that was within a month. MATT: That was an Aeorian Absorber. SAM: Absorber. MARISHA: Absorber. TALIESIN: I don't like that. MATT: That finish your turn? ASHLEY: I don't like that at all. LIAM: Do you go in its eye? TALIESIN: You've got movement. TRAVIS: I do have movement-- MATT: Yeah, because you have not moved yet. TRAVIS: I'll just come to the-- Mother bitch, I'll just come right here, so I'm at the lip of the hallway. I want to get five more feet out of it. MATT: Right here? TRAVIS: No, closer to you. I'm sorry to your left, sorry. TALIESIN: You're okay getting hit by the-- MATT: You got it. TRAVIS: I don't think I'll get hit in there, though. MATT: So you back up a little bit. All right. SAM: No one's gotten hit yet. I think it's fine. MATT: That finishes Fjord's go. It's that first absorber's turn. He is stunned, cannot take his turn until the end of Beauregard's go. Beau, you're up first. MARISHA: Ooh. MATT: Top of the round, what are you doing? MARISHA: So wait, absorber. Okay, I'm just going to try and finish this guy off in front of me. So I'm going to dart forward again, past Yasha. Come in for another round against this absorber. ASHLEY: Gonna make room for her. MARISHA: Thank you. MATT: You got it. MARISHA: I give a little tap on the side, while I pass Yasha. MATT: Advantage on your strikes. MARISHA: Advantage, oh right. MATT: He's stunned, don't forget. MARISHA: Well, okay. Well, that's a 19 and a 17, so that is-- MATT: That definitely hits. MARISHA: Definitely hits on that first one. Second attack, also another natural 19 and a seven. So I'll take that 19. MATT: Yeah, so first two hits. TRAVIS: Take that, take that, take that. MATT: Hit. MARISHA: Hey-oh. Yeah, that's good. Okay, that first attack is going to be 10 damage total. And the second one is 13 damage. MATT: Second one was 13 damage, got it. MARISHA: So 23 together. MATT: All right, actually this guy would've-- I'll tell you this at the end of your turn, because it won't matter-- MARISHA: And I will go ahead and Stunning Strike it again, if it's not dead. MATT: All right, it is not dead. MARISHA: It's not dead. Stunning Strike. MATT: That is a 14. MARISHA: He is stunned again! MATT: Stunned again. That guy has done nothing this fight. MARISHA: Ha ha ha ha, I feel like a monk again! TRAVIS: --it's on the other side of the map, we don't know what they do. MATT: All right. MARISHA: No-- MATT: You have your bonus action, still. MARISHA: Bonus action, might as well-- I'm going to just try and burn this thing down. Flurry of Blows. Still advantage, right? MATT: Yep, because it's still stunned. MARISHA: Natural 20! TRAVIS: Yes! MARISHA: 20 and a two! TRAVIS: Get it bitch! MARISHA: Take that! Okay, and that second one, it hits. But it's not a natural 20, with a 25. MATT: Yep that hits, roll damage on each. MARISHA: Okay, so-- MATT: Crit first. MARISHA: So, first one is double the dice. Come on, give me something good. Woo, woo, they're all eight! Okay, so eight, 16, plus another seven is... LIAM: 23. MARISHA: 23! MATT: All righty. MARISHA: And then second damage is 10. MATT: How do you want to do this? ALL: (cheering) MARISHA: Okay, so I came in the first time. Did a few Mai Tai kicks. SAM: "Mai Tai"? MARISHA: Yeah. That mai tai. And then-- (laughter) TRAVIS: (drunkenly) Fucking bitch! (laughter) LIAM: I kick, and I stretch. (laughter) (clapping) MARISHA: And then I come back and I take my coconut from my fancy cocktail and I bash his head in. (laughter) TALIESIN: Okay. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: I just now have a mai tai. (laughter) TALIESIN: All right. TRAVIS: It's still happy hour. MATT: Monks get all the abilities at the higher levels. Some in mai tai. MARISHA: Yeah, some in spring break. (laughter) MATT: Okay, yeah. As you pummel it with your imaginary coconut, the creature fails to continue moving, SAM: (drunkenly) You're cute, where'd you come from? (laughter) MATT: --and collapses to the ground with a heavy whine, before it just-- the eye begins to flail about before going pale and then slumps to the ground unmoving. The creature is dead. SAM: What does the eye do? MARISHA: Pale? LIAM: Fjord's about to find out. MARISHA: That's weird. Okay, yeah, I scooch back into the circle again and I'm like, yeah, I don't know. It feels other-worldly, this thing. MATT: All right. MARISHA: That's my turn. MATT: All right, because I forgot to take it, because technically you're on the same initiative. The other absorber's going to take his turn. TRAVIS: Cool. MATT: So the other absorber spins around. And is going to rush up to you. (rapid stomping sounds) TRAVIS: No, no, no. MATT: (chuckles) TRAVIS: Animal handling, heel! LIAM: Hi, doggy. MATT: 30 feet there. It is going to make three attacks against you. TRAVIS: I should've taken-- I should have backed up more. SAM: How would you know? TRAVIS: I was right, I had a feeling. MATT: With it's bite-- let's see here. No, actually. It's going to take two of its claws and those attacks against you are going to be-- 23 to hit? TRAVIS: Oh, yeah. MATT: Natural 20. TRAVIS: Okay. TALIESIN: How many feet away? MATT: The creature is-- TALIESIN: No, Fjord. MATT: Fjord is-- TRAVIS: 15, 20, 25, 30. MATT: 35 feet from you. TALIESIN: 35 fucking-- MATT: You can count them. SAM: (laughs) MATT: Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30- TALIESIN: Motherfucker. MATT: 35. LAURA: Plus, I think you already used, you get that-- TALIESIN: No, my reaction is-- I get that many times. LAURA: That's awesome. ASHLEY: That's so cool. TALIESIN: Yeah, nothing I can do about it. LIAM: Just out of reach. MATT: Sorry, buddy. TRAVIS: Step back one. TALIESIN: One more step. MATT: So you take 10 points of slashing damage. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: Along with six points of force damage. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: The crit-- (laughs) Only rolled a three, so that's six points of-- Ah, sorry, 11 points of slashing damage. Plus the five points of force damage. TRAVIS: All right. MATT: And it's going to, as it's slashing towards you, the eye (shushes) arcs above you. TRAVIS: There's the eye. MATT: Ignores you, looks over towards Caduceus, who's the closest to it. TALIESIN: I'm invisible. MATT: And does not look towards you. Instead, is going to fire towards Essek. MARISHA: (gasps) MARISHA, SAM: No! LIAM: Oh, bubby. MARISHA: Hit Caduceus! No! (laughter) MATT: That hits. TALIESIN: Even through the barrier? MATT: It's not a spell. TALIESIN: Oh shit. TRAVIS: Oh. MATT: Yeah, this-- It doesn't block all magical everything, period. It blocks spells. LIAM: Spells. TRAVIS: I didn't do the radiant because I figure it's immune like the other ones. MATT: So that, however-- LAURA: Why did it attack Essek instead of you? Maybe it can't-- SAM: Because it already did damage to Fjord. It wants to spread it around? TRAVIS: Yeah. LAURA: Maybe. LIAM: I didn't see what it did. Maybe it can't. Maybe it needs long range. SAM: Maybe it looked at Fjord's wrists and deltoids, and it was like, it's fine. TRAVIS: It could also be looking for arcane practitioners like wizards. LIAM: It could be. TRAVIS: Yeah. LIAM: It could be a thing like when you don't want to use a bow and arrow right next to somebody. TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: What smells, Laura? LAURA: I smell, like, old food or something. MATT: Essek takes 24 points. MARISHA: (laughs) TRAVIS: 24, wow. MATT: Points of psychic damage. TALIESIN: Okay. MATT: As the beam streaks forward and slams him, and you watch him go, "Augh!" And he's currently holding his-- LIAM: Oh no. MATT: Which, for the record, I'm going to do Essek's turn after this, because I keep forgetting, because you have too many players, and an NPC with you. TRAVIS: Yeah, baby. ASHLEY: Oh my god. MATT: He's going to get his turn right after this creature. So anyway, that finishes its turn. Essek retracts from that. He rolled super low on his initiative, a natural four. But nevertheless, he's going to go ahead, and retort with his go. Essek is going to cast-- Let's do, let's do some fun-ness here. TRAVIS: Yeah, gimme that Duo Nancy! MARISHA: Mm-hmm. TRAVIS: I said Duo Nancy, but-- (laughter) TALIESIN: Good band. SAM: Good band, yeah. TRAVIS: Please welcome to the stage, Duo Nancy! MATT: Ugh, it doesn't work well for that necessarily. TALIESIN: Huh. LAURA: We are Duo Nancy, and we're here to fuck shit up! TALIESIN: One, two, three, four! (laughter) MATT: Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't help that he was behind the pillar first place. And so, I think he's right out of my field of view. MARISHA: (laughs) MATT: He's going to go ahead and step back, and turn this way, and he's going to go ahead, and cast Gravity Sinkhole back in this direction. TALIESIN: Yeah, they are. MATT: Try and crush that creature right there. ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. TRAVIS: Yeah. [inaudible] and get out of there. MATT: All right, so that is a constitution saving throw for that creature. Natural three, it's a fail. TRAVIS: Yes, fail, you bastard. MATT: So he takes 5d10 force damage. MARISHA: Kill him. SAM: (husky voice) You guys like to party? MARISHA: (laughs) Get outta here, Chad. TRAVIS: (laughs) Chad? SAM: (Chad voice) What? MATT: 29 points of force damage to that guy. LAURA: Nice. SAM: Let's party. MATT: And it's pulled in a straight line towards the sphere, ending on-- So it pulls him (shh) right there. SAM: Oh. LAURA: Yes, yes. MATT: And so, as he spins around, and you watch as he takes the impact from his brain, spins between the group as he's gliding there, turns around, and puts his hands in the air, and (grunts) rakes them through from the sky to the floor. And as it does, you watch this black sphere apparate in that space, consuming the creature. You hear this howl as the sphere collides into a center point, and you see the creature for a brief moment getting spaghettified towards its center point. Its body gets tugged and pulled unnaturally stretched forward, taking all of this damage as it's yanked in there, and nearly stumbles to the ground before catching itself. As Essek, "(panting)" Rights himself in the middle of the chaos. TRAVIS: Beautiful. SAM: So the monster's still alive? MATT: Oh yeah. LAURA: He got spaghettified and he survived it. SAM: Whoa. MATT: Jester, you're up. Yasha, you're on deck. LAURA: Whoa. I'm going to-- MATT: A little timey-wimey there. MARISHA: Hmm? MATT: A little timey-wimey with the initiative there, but we got all those rounds in, which is important. ASHLEY: Is he stuck where he is? Or that was just-- He got spaghettified? MATT: No, he got, he gets pulled towards the center of the sphere, and takes the damage. ASHLEY: Got it, okay, okay, okay. MATT: He is where he is now. LAURA: Did the blue pulsing light ever go off or anything? MATT: Not yet. LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: Hmm. LAURA: I am going to do the thing that I can do right now. And I'm assuming I'm-- Well, I'm going to run forward to where I'm within 20 feet of the green guy. MATT: Okay, about 20 feet to be there-- TALIESIN: He may not be magically safe. You might be able to nail him with magic stuff. LAURA: Oh. TALIESIN: We didn't extract aspects, so we don't know if he-- LAURA: That's true, well, I don't want to waste a spell if not, I'm just going to chuck my handaxe at him! TALIESIN: Wow. MATT: Yeah! Go for it. (whooshing) Go ahead and roll an attack. LAURA: (laughs) 25! MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage. TALIESIN: So excited. MATT: But your handaxe is now embedded in the creature, you have to get within melee of it to retrieve it. LAURA: Shit! (laughs) LIAM: You hit me in my ear! LAURA: I know! TRAVIS: Yep. LAURA: (singing gibberish) Nope. (singing gibberish) Why do I roll so fucking low all the fucking time? (laughter) LIAM: You just rolled really high, you hit. LAURA: 11! MATT: I don't know, there was that hundred points of damage you did that one time. LAURA: Sure. MATT: But how much was that? That was a total of-- LAURA: 11. MATT: 11. 11 points of damage, that axe is now-- LAURA: Wait, wait, let me make sure I sure I did that. MATT: -- into its chest clavicle area. (groaning) (roaring) SAM: Oh. MARISHA: In the clavicle. MATT: Imagine that terrible screaming bear sound from Annihilation that-- MARISHA: Oh yeah. MATT: (horrific screeching) ASHLEY: Horrifying. TRAVIS: Oh god, fucking jeez. MATT: I love it, so much. TRAVIS: Yes, I remember, I remember! ASHLEY: Yeah. MARISHA: Yeah, layer in. MATT: All right, does that finish your turn? LAURA: I-- yeah. MATT: All right, Jester's up. Yasha, your turn. ASHLEY: Okay. LAURA: I need to sleep, you guys. ASHLEY: Oh, dang, I can't do my-- TRAVIS: Sleepy after this. ASHLEY: Zealous Presence, I've already used it. Okay, I'm going to run over to the big boy. MATT: Over here? ASHLEY: Yep. TRAVIS: There's another one up here! (laughter) MATT: You hear as you turn and look, and there's one just currently harrying Fjord down the hallway. LAURA: (yells) MATT: Yasha, what are you doing? ASHLEY: I'll take a swing! MATT: All right, go for it. MARISHA: It's always Fjord! (laughter) TRAVIS: Follow my voice! ASHLEY: 24. MATT: 24 does hit. ASHLEY: Yay! Okay, we don't know-- Radiant does not work with this one? We already know this? MATT: We'll find out. Go ahead and roll your weapon damage and your radiant damage separately. ASHLEY: Okay. This one is-- We'll make those two. So that is. I'm really sorry, guys, I'm so bad at math. 16, wait. 29, that's without radiant. MATT: 29 damage? ASHLEY: Yeah. MARISHA: Wow. MATT: For 2d6 plus-- ASHLEY: 2d6, eight plus. MATT: Plus your strength, which is three, plus your weapon, which is three, plus your rage, which is four, right? ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on, I calculated this wrong. (sighs) So embarrassing having to do this on fucking camera! (laughter) TRAVIS: Math is every barbarian's weakness. MATT: It's all good, yeah, all the math-- ASHLEY: Sorry, 18. MATT: 18, got it. ASHLEY: That makes more sense. MATT: And what's the radiant? TRAVIS: -- reverse math. ASHLEY: Seven. LIAM: Every one of us has screwed up math. MATT: You strike through, and as the blade carves through its body, (hisses) it reacts to it, and you see the burst of radiant energy scatter off with no additional effect. ASHLEY: Do nothing. TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. All right, good to know. ASHLEY: All right. TRAVIS: All that adding for nothing, you dick! ASHLEY: I know, second hit. MATT: Second hit, roll for damage. Roll for attack, sorry. ASHLEY: 21. MATT: 21 hits. ASHLEY: Yep. MATT: Roll damage for the second one. ASHLEY: Okay. Ooh, hoo hoo. 21 points of damage. MATT: Nice! SAM: Nice roll, Jester. MARISHA: Whoa, did you get that too? TRAVIS: Yeah, if you do it on the thing, it shows it to everyone. MARISHA: It shows it to everyone in the campaign? ASHLEY: Oh yeah! LAURA: Oh, really? I was just hitting the button. MARISHA: It was like, "Jester rolled this--" Whoa! Fjord rolled of Cone of Cold damage. ASHLEY: Whoa! LAURA: We can do that, and everyone can know what we do, that's so cool! ASHLEY: Yeah, that's cool. TALIESIN: We wouldn't have noticed if we were making eye contact all the time. MATT: D&D Beyond, a great tool for campaign planning. MARISHA: Wow, you learned something new. LAURA: I'm going to do that because I'm, you know. But then, wait, then I got to do the 2d8. TRAVIS: What about all those real dice you have? LAURA: I know, okay. But this seems fun right now! MATT: Old hat, Travis! TALIESIN: Wow. MATT: That finish your turn, Yasha? ASHLEY: I can't, as a bonus action, try to pull the axe out and give it to Jester, can I? MATT: Mm. ASHLEY: Yeah, that's a lot. MATT: I could allow it. ASHLEY: All right. I'm going to give it a go. MATT: Make a strength check because it is a quick yank-out. Both hands are on your sword, so it's a cursory thing just for the hell of it. Do a strength check, you have advantage. LAURA: I didn't do a lot of damage, so it's not deeply embedded. ASHLEY: 19. MATT: (whooshing) You pull it out and hand it back over your shoulder-- LAURA: Yes! MARISHA: Oh, that's dope! MATT: You throw it and Jester, she's a ways away, so you chuck it behind. You're like, "Oh god!" And catch it midair. ASHLEY: Hand back on the hilt. At ready, and I'll stay. LAURA: Thanks, Yasha! ASHLEY: You got it. MATT: All right. So that finishes your turn. TRAVIS: So boss, babe. ASHLEY: Yep. MATT: All right. The creature-- LAURA: Brandishing the axe. MATT: -- kind of (sniffing). It's taking the damage from you and being wounded, but it's (sniffing) sniffing around you. At the top of its turn, the tower above (hisses), it's been blasting the orb around you, but is now (whooshes) the blast is coming towards that creature. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: Which has advantage on it, which it does save against. LIAM: He's so fast. ASHLEY: I was wondering about that. TALIESIN: Mm. LIAM: That guy looks like he's on the keto diet. LAURA: (laughs) MATT: He takes 11 points of lightning damage. MARISHA: He's got to be in order to be buff for spring break, you know? TALIESIN: Okay, okay. TRAVIS: 11? MATT: 11 points of lightning damage. LAURA: Oh, okay, okay, okay. LIAM: Tiny waist here. Big up top. MARISHA: (laughs) MATT: And is going to-- TRAVIS: Right, thank you. MATT: -- shift around here. ASHLEY: Do I get an attack? LIAM: Get out! MATT: No, because it never left your melee range. LIAM: Oh boy. MATT: But it has moved into the orb, where it's now seeing it apparating from the center boy. LIAM: Oh boy. MATT: (growls) And it's going to go ahead and go all in against Caleb. LIAM: If I don't move, he won't see me. LAURA, SAM: No! MATT: That's easy. LIAM: Oh. MATT: (laughs) That is a 22 to hit. LIAM: Uh-- Yeah, it hits. MATT: Okay. (inhales) 24 to hit. LIAM: That one doesn't hit, strangely. Hits. MATT: All right, so it's two claw strikes against you. You take eight points of slashing damage, as well as-- Ooh! 12 points of force damage. As its claws slice into you, and it lifts you off the ground for a second, you watch it arcs upward as Caleb's lifted up, and then there's an additional burst in his chest, and it throws him about a foot off of the claws. Almost like it launches him into the air. And the other claw strikes down to catch him with a reversal from over top. LIAM: (groans) LAURA: Uh-oh. MATT: That one deals six points of piercing damage, and 10 points of force damage. As you get slammed into the ground from the second strike blasting you onto the floor, you catch yourself on your hands and knees, as it opens its jaw, (hisses) and attempts to bite down towards you on the ground. For a 21 to hit? LIAM: Shield. MATT: Shield? LIAM: Ja. MATT: As it bites down, you (groans) lift up your hand, and with that, this shimmering, yeah, this shimmering barrier, deflects its claws, or its teeth, and its jaw just skitters off to the side with a scraping sound, arcane sparks flying off. It (growling) picks up angrily, and begins growling at your space, frustrated that it couldn't get through for a third bite. But that's going to finish its turn. Veth, you're up. Caleb, you're on deck. LIAM: He's looking pretty rough. SAM: Oh boy, I'm going to jump up and sort of grab Caleb, and angrily point my weapon at the creature, like the woman yelling at the cat meme, you know, except it's me. And it's not a cat, it's a sex monster. (laughter) MATT: All righty. SAM: Hey you, get away from my friend! And I'll shoot him in the face. MATT: Okay, roll an attack. SAM: Yeah. Oh, not great, 21. MATT: There was-- SAM: Oh, why did I roll twice? MATT: I don't know why. SAM: I don't know. Should I throw them both out, or--? MATT: Just roll one more. SAM: Okay. Ooh, that's a natural one. LAURA: Aw. TRAVIS: Oh, and your crossbow. MATT: Yep, so you miss it and you hurt yourself. SAM: Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Luckily, I only take five points of damage. MATT: As you turn, holding Caleb. SAM: I've got you, Caleb, (yells)! MATT: (arrow impact) (laughter) Shink! (arrow vibrating) (laughter) All right. LAURA: I always love that sound. ASHLEY: (arrow vibrating) SAM: I'm going to fire again, bonus action. MATT: Just a small one. ASHLEY: I just think of those little door things. MATT: Yep. ASHLEY: When you were just a kid. MATT: It's the bigger blades that (vibrating)! All right. SAM: I'll fire again. MATT: Go for it. LAURA: Oh, I spent so much time as a kid. ASHLEY: Oh my gosh, yep. MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs) SAM: Way better. 29 to hit. MATT: That'll hit, go ahead and roll damage. SAM: And I think I still get sneak attack damage because he's engaged with my friend? MATT: Indeed. ASHLEY: We got to get one of those for Ronin. LAURA: Yes! MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: Okay, cool. 42 points of damage. LAURA: Whoa! MATT: How do you want to do this? ALL: Oh! ASHLEY: Yes! SAM: Is he wearing a G-string? Or is that just poetic license? MATT: No, that is just the pattern of the flesh. SAM: Cool, cool, cool. MATT: But it might be a G-string. MARISHA: He could be. MATT: You can't tell from the-- SAM: No, I think I've close enough proximity, I'm going to just shove the crossbow in its mouth. MATT: As it's leaning over Caleb, trying to bite into the Shield, and you jam it up under its throat. (gags) SAM: You can't have sex with my friend. (laughter) And I'll squeeze the trigger. MATT: And it just collapses onto the Shield. SAM: Oh, god! MATT: And as you're noticing it basically draped over Caleb, probably going to crush him when that Shield vanishes, you angle it to the side, and it slides and slumps onto the floor next to you. TRAVIS: Nice. SAM: Yes! MATT: All righty. TRAVIS: There's another one up here! SAM: Welp, we did it, guys! Let's go down the hall! TRAVIS: (yelps) MATT: All righty, that finishes Veth's turn. SAM: Yeah. MATT: Caleb, you're up. LIAM: Yeah, so Caleb is a bloody mess, and he was about to cast a spell centered on the column, but now I don't have to, and instead I hear Fjord go, (yelling). And I hold a black marble out in that direction, and copy my Kryn colleague, and cast Gravity Sinkhole in the far wall behind the eyeball-butt creature. MATT: Okay, pulling it that way? LIAM: Towards-- past Fjord. TRAVIS: Yeah. LIAM: And I will destroy another wall, possibly. MATT: Oh, so you're doing-- TRAVIS: I think he's saying this way. LIAM: Gravity Sinkhole. MATT: Gravity Sinkhole, yeah. LIAM: Exactly where Travis was saying. MATT: Okay, so, what's the save on it? LIAM: It is constitution save. MATT: Constitution. WIth advantage, that is 19. LIAM: It saves, so it takes the damage, but it doesn't get pulled. It takes half damage. MATT: Takes half damage. All right, so go ahead and roll full damage. LIAM: Yep. MATT: (impacts) Oh, it doesn't get pulled, it just stays there. LIAM: Rolled pretty high, though. (counting) TALIESIN: My thing keeps changing. LIAM: 18 points, half damage is 18. MATT: Okay, that's 18 points of damage. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw for me. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: Uh-oh. SAM: Dexterity saving throw? LAURA: Oh no, should we have all been rolling d20s for our magic? MATT: Yeah, I keep forgetting that. That's my bad, too much to organize. We'll do that here in a second. We'll do a round of rolls. LIAM: Rolled real low, but I equipped the Ring of Evasion, so I will choose to succeed. MATT: Okay, there you go, so mark that. As the tail looks up, and as the magical energy bursts, the eye seems to glow with energy, and you see it try and force a portion of the arcane power that you cast back at you, and you just dodge past it. And you watch a portion of that gravity well open up to nothing behind you. SAM: Whoa. TRAVIS: It deflected. MARISHA: Absorber. MATT: So to go around real fast, roll a d20, roll a d20. And what did you--? TALIESIN: I rolled an unsuccessful Banish. MATT: Right, so roll a d20 for me. TRAVIS: I rolled a 19. MATT: 19. LIAM: Five. TALIESIN: 12. MATT: Okay. Fjord, go ahead and roll a d100 for me, please. (groaning) LIAM: Yay! ASHLEY: Ooh! TALIESIN: I am here for this. MATT: I have a big old note here saying, "Aeor spells, make them roll," and I just keep forgetting. TRAVIS: 34. MATT: 34. LAURA: Oh, wait! That's magical butterflies! (laughs) Everything-- MATT: Nope! MARISHA: It's all magical butterflies. MATT: All right. ASHLEY: It's Gelidon! LAURA: Uh-oh. MATT: So that finishes Caleb's go. LIAM: (deep voice) Hey. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Okay. Caduceus, you're up. TRAVIS: Nobody else had to roll a d100? LAURA: No, you were the only one that-- MATT: So Caleb, that's all you're doing on your turn? LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Horse nipples! MATT: Okay. LIAM: Yeah, holding the line. MATT: You got it. TALIESIN: I'm getting a sense of how this is going. So I'm going to cast-- TRAVIS: Help! TALIESIN: I'm going to cast-- How hurt does Fjord look? TRAVIS: (yelps) (laughter) MATT: How hurt do you look? TRAVIS: 50%. Ah! (laughter) MATT: So here's the good part. You look over at Fjord as he's doing this, and as he's shouting over his shoulder for help, he looks hurt, but there's something odd about him. LAURA: No. MATT: There's a darkness pouring down his face. ASHLEY: Ah. SAM: A darkness? MATT: So what are you doing? MARISHA: What happened to you? TRAVIS: Fifth Element? LIAM: What did you roll? TALIESIN: I'm going to-- To start with, I'm going to cast-- LIAM: You're turning into the Ring girl! LAURA: (gasps) TRAVIS: Shut up. MARISHA: Your worst nightmare. TALIESIN: -- Bless on him. MATT: Bless on him? TALIESIN: On him, on Fjord, myself, and Veth. I'm actually going to have to move a little bit closer to him to do that. MATT: Yes, you would have to get-- TRAVIS: I will sleep in the kitchen. MATT: -- there. ASHLEY: Doesn't work with my hair. TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: You're no longer invisible, but you are there. Okay? TALIESIN: And then I'm going to-- MATT: So he's blessed, you're blessed, you said? TALIESIN: I'm blessed and Veth is blessed. MATT: Got it. SAM: Oh! Thank you. TALIESIN: I want you to hit things. SAM: But I'm good at that. TALIESIN: And actually, well, that's fine. I'm going to then spend-- Something's wrong with Fjord. We should probably do something, I don't know. And I'm going to see if I can get out of the way of the electric thing before it-- LIAM: I've always thought so as well. MATT: Going where? TALIESIN: Down into the cubby over there. MATT: Over here? TALIESIN: No, the other way. MATT: Over here? TALIESIN: Down the hall that we just cleared. MATT: Okay, so-- LAURA: Oh, around. MATT: Moves five, 10, 15, 25, 30? TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: Okay, you got it. That finishes your turn? TALIESIN: Yep. MATT: Fjord, you're up. TRAVIS: With my bonus action, I'm going to cast Hex against this thing in front of me. MATT: Okay, so casting the spell Hex, or using your? TRAVIS: Yeah. Yeah, casting the spell Hex. You got it. So it is hexed. At 1st-level. MATT: Well, as a warl-- Oh, you can cast a warlock spell as a paladin. Yeah, so you use your 1st-level paladin slot, because you can. âª Multiclassing. âª Something's getting in your eyes, too. SAM: Uh-oh. TRAVIS: It's just sweat. LAURA: Oh no. TRAVIS: I'm just so-- Cool. MATT: You pull back, and your palm is filled with hair. LAURA: Hair?! MATT: Yeah. SAM: (laughs) MATT: What are you doing? LAURA: Hair?! SAM: (laughs) LAURA: (laughs) TRAVIS: Cool! MARISHA: Oh my god. TRAVIS: At 5th-level, I will cast Armor of Agathys on myself. MATT: Now at this level too, as you do this, it isn't just ice particles, but a form of ice armor that encased your shoulders like a mantle of jagged ice shards. TRAVIS: Fuck yeah. MARISHA: Cool. MATT: These pointed spaulders now jag out to the sides. Well done. TRAVIS: I regain 25 temporary hit points, and I say: Hit me now, bitch. What's wrong with my face?! (laughter) MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: Oh boy. TRAVIS: And I will move-- I'll stay in its melee, and I'll move up towards just this side. Just move, yeah, 45, thank you. MATT: You got it, okay. Finishing Fjord's go, it is now the creature's turn. LAURA: Oh no. MATT: Yeah, it's going to go all in on you. It is super, super frustrated and angry. That's going to be two claw strikes and a... yeah, we'll go with a bite. So the claw strikes are 14 to hit? TRAVIS: Misses. MATT: Misses. You just duck out of the way, using the blade to parry to the side. The next strike is a natural 20. TRAVIS: Cool. MATT: And the bite strike-- LIAM: Bite strike. MATT: -- is a 19. TRAVIS: 19 hits. MATT: Okay. So first, the crit for the claw strike. That is nine points of slashing damage. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: Plus (laughs) two points of force damage, rolled terribly for the damage of the crit. TRAVIS: So is that doubled up already? MATT: Yeah, yeah. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: It rolled really bad. And then for its bite strike against you. Much better. 14 points of piercing damage. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: Plus eight points of force damage. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: And it takes 25 and 50 points of ice damage total. TRAVIS: 50 points of ice damage. SAM: 50? LAURA, ASHLEY: Whoa. TRAVIS: Yarr. MATT: Yeah, dude. Armor of Agathys is no joke if things hit you in melee. TRAVIS: Okay, great. MATT: Still have temporary hit points up? TRAVIS: Temporary hit points are-- I have two temporary hit points. MATT: Damn, all right. LIAM: Man, don't fuck with a warladin. MATT: The creature's going to go ahead and move over to this space here. TALIESIN: Thought it was a clerlock. MATT: Still staying in the melee with you, but now it's starting to glance at the rest of the room around you. All right, that finishes its go. At the bottom is now Essek. Essek-- hmm. SAM: Is a bard monk a bank? MATT: (laughs) MARISHA: A bank? SAM: Yeah. LAURA: A bonk. SAM: A bonk. MARISHA: Oh, bonk is pretty good. MATT: He's going to go ahead and cast-- ASHLEY: Pallock? TALIESIN: For blood hunter, you just put blood in front of anything. Blood wizard, blood cleric. MATT: (laughs) TALIESIN: Blood monk. LAURA: That's pretty cool. TALIESIN: Blood barbarian. MATT: There is a blood cleric. TALIESIN: Actually, that's true. MATT: He's going to cast Magic Missile at 5th-level. LIAM: Pew, pew. TRAVIS: Do I need to roll d20s-- MARISHA: Cleric and a paladin-- TRAVIS: -- for casting those two spells? MARISHA: -- would just be a cleridin. MATT: You do, yes. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: Well, Hex, you don't have to, because it was a 1st-level. MARISHA: For when your allergies are real bad. TRAVIS: For Armor of Agathys? MATT: For Armor of Agathys, you do. Roll that for me. TRAVIS: 16. MATT: Roll another d100 for me, please. LAURA: Oh (laughs) no! TALIESIN: Yeah! LAURA: âª Covered in hair and also-- âª MATT: Actually no, sorry, sorry, you're fine, you're fine. TRAVIS: 16's okay? MATT: 16's fine. Sorry. TRAVIS: Okay. LIAM: They warned you that you'd get hair on your palms. MATT: You just, just missed it. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: Essek, however, does have to make a roll. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: 16, you guys are fucking lucky. TRAVIS: Coast clear, cool! MATT: Coast's clear, however, that is 7d4 plus seven points of damage to this thing. As Essek floats up a bit in the air, and releases his hand like this, and as he does, these five darts out of his hand and then two out of his palm (whoosh) rush around and arc out towards the sides of the hallway before all exploding into the center, hitting it from all sides. And you see this burst of force energy in the middle. ASHLEY: Cool. TRAVIS: Yeah, slow death. LIAM: Seven missiles. MATT: I love that shit. ASHLEY: What is it? MARISHA, TALIESIN, LIAM: Magic Missile, LIAM: It auto-hits. MARISHA: Good old classic, yeah. LIAM: (zooming, explosion) TRAVIS: Heat-seeking. ASHLEY: Good to know. TALIESIN: It's the dark side Unibeam. LAURA: Didn't you have a wand that could do that? SAM: I did, I did. Scanlan had a lot of-- lot of wands. MATT: Ooh, those are good rolls. 29 points of force damage to it. SAM: Don't we have a Wand of Smiles? How come we never use that? LAURA: I do. I have a Wand of Smiles. SAM: You should use that more. MATT: More creatures need to smile. SAM: Yeah. LAURA: You're right. MATT: All right, and Essek's going to go ahead and drift off to this side, and try and put more distance between him and the creature, while staying within the radius, as he drifts back and goes, "Caleb, are you all right?" LIAM: No. MATT: "Me neither." TRAVIS: There's another one! (laughter) MATT: Beau, you're up first. Jester, you're on deck. MARISHA: Oh, lordy, it's me? Oh, goodness gracious. Okay, can I make it to eye-butt monster? MATT: Maybe, what's your movement? MARISHA: 55. MATT: Yeah, you're fine. ASHLEY: Did you say eye-bud? MARISHA: Eye, yeah, yes. MATT: You Super Saiyan teleport, just (zooming) you're there. MARISHA: And I'm going to slide in like I'm sliding into home base, and then pop-pop, pop-pop! TRAVIS: Oh, thank god. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: Is that flanked? MARISHA: Ooh, oh. MATT: Technically that is, yeah, so you'd have advantage. MARISHA: Oh, I have advantage? MATT: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: Oh, thank god. Okay, well, this first one's really bad. So, 15 total. MATT: 15 just hits. MARISHA: No fucking way, I rolled a three. Okay, fine, great, I'll take it. MATT: This creature's AC is not crazy. MARISHA: But bad damage roll, too. Nine damage, Stunning Strike, though. MATT: Nine damage. The one that actually has a writing pencil. MARISHA: He's got to be close to dead, though, right? MATT: Woof! It's 22, I don't know what to tell you. I had good luck on that one. LIAM: Look at that look. MARISHA: Fine, the second hit-- MATT: Look, look, look, stun is the bane of my existence as a DM, so whenever it does go, I'm like, I have to celebrate a little bit. MARISHA: That's good. MATT: It shuts my shit down. MARISHA: 20 total. So that is 13 damage on that next one? MATT: 13 damage on the second hit. MARISHA: How's he looking? MATT: He's looking a little rough, starting to show some serious wear and tear. MARISHA: All right, all right, I'm not going to Stunning Strike. MATT: You're not going to Stunning Strike? Okay. MARISHA: But I will Flurry of Blows. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: Still have advantage, yeah? MATT: You do. MARISHA: All right, that next one definitely hits with 30 total. And those are both 11s for 23. MATT: All righty, that hits. MARISHA: So damage for the first one is going to be 11, and for the second one, 10, so 21 altogether for those. MATT: Nice, all righty. As you slide in, pummeling it from underneath, it's starting to bleed onto you, that same darker, purple-black blood is starting to hit the sides of your abdomen as you're just striking it from underneath. And you start pulling yourself out, and getting ready to get into a defensive position. It's looking pretty hurt. MARISHA: Do I have any more movement? MATT: You would have 10 feet of movement. MARISHA: Can I just shift to the side to get out of people's way? So shifting towards-- where am I? My perspective is off, like this wall over-- MATT: Over here? MARISHA: No, the wall, the wall-- MATT: Over here? MARISHA: Sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, in that corner-- MATT: Right there? MARISHA: That's fine, that's great. TRAVIS: I was starting to think you couldn't hear me. Is there something on my face? MARISHA: (horrified noises) TRAVIS: What do you see? MARISHA: Uh-- LAURA: What do you see? MATT: You see-- MARISHA: What do I see? MATT: -- a bunch of dark hair smattered across parts of Fjord's face. Yeah. MARISHA: It's a look, it's a look. TRAVIS: What? LIAM: You're finally a werewolf, finally. LAURA: Is it, like, long or is it short hair? MATT: Like, it looks like short hair. LAURA: You're a werewolf! MATT: But you don't have a great look at the moment. Jester, it's your turn. LAURA: I'm going to run forward. I'm going to run forward and say: I'll save you, Fjord! And I can't get all the up to him, probably. MATT: You can get there. LAURA: I'm going to chuck my handaxe. (laughs) (laughter) ASHLEY: Kill him! MATT: (claps) Roll for an attack. TRAVIS: Watch out for the lightning! LAURA: Gyah! Natural 20! (cheering) MATT: No shit. MARISHA: It's Crit Faire, bitches! MATT: Straight up. (laughter) TALIESIN: The most ren faire shit. MATT: Roll some damage. TRAVIS: Make those terrible axes-- LIAM: Huzzah to the big tipper! TRAVIS: Huh! LAURA: Eight plus three is eleven. TRAVIS: Handle first. MARISHA: Yeah! It stuck, though! LAURA: 22 plus four is 26 points of damage to the-- MATT: How do you want to do this? (cheering) TRAVIS: What are the fucking chances? LAURA: I want to imagine that I threw it just perfectly, that it cleaves off the eyeball tail. MARISHA: Oh, that's good! MATT: It does, and the tail just hits the ground. And at first you're like, well, let's just a minor wound. There is a major artery that connects through this tail, and it just begins to gush blood in an uncontrollable way. You see, as it turns and growls at you (snarling) and starts getting slightly more and more tired before it falls unconscious on the path to bleeding out here on the floor. LIAM: No doggo. LAURA: Good night, sweet eyeball-butt monster. (laughter) MATT: With that, the combat comes to an end, and you all take a moment to breathe. As I need both Yasha and Jester to make dexterity saving throws, because you start your next turn within the radius of the tower. MARISHA: Oh. LAURA: Yep, yep, yep! SAM: Oh. MARISHA: But-- but I don't? MATT: You are just beyond the radius. LAURA: N-n-n-n-nineteen! MATT: That's a success. LAURA: 23 total. MATT: Nice, you take nine points of lighting damage. SAM: Oh. ASHLEY: 19 as well. MATT: Nine points of lightning damage. SAM: Not so bad. MATT: As it (shushing) these heavy arcs of lightning streak out and hit both of you (shushes) from behind, and you both (grunts) catch your breath for a second, and you see it pulsing and getting ready for another-- LIAM: Okay, let's limp out of the way here. We don't have much time left. LAURA: Move forward, move forward. MARISHA: Which hall? SAM: Is this some sort of ape creature? LAURA: I'm just going to go forward and try to get out of the-- LIAM: I'm going towards Caduceus with the staff. TALIESIN: I'm going to go see what's round the other side of this hall. MATT: Okay. ASHLEY: Yeah, I'm going to make my way to that, âª making my way âª to that, where Caduceus is. âª (weird voice) Caduceus. MARISHA: (weird voice) Caduceus! LIAM: (weird voice) I am Caduceus. SAM: (weird voice) Hello, my name is Caduceus. MATT: The two hallways eventually merge, though one is heavily blockaded with rubble that could be climbed through with some challenge. MARISHA: All right. MATT: But nevertheless. TALIESIN: I'll hop back in the bubble, then, and walk around with everyone else. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Yeah, we'll walk around. LIAM: Okay, and we got to be brisk, because we're probably out of time. TALIESIN: All right. MARISHA: Okay. Go, go, go, go! MATT: All right. LAURA: I get my handaxe. MATT: You retrieve your handaxe without issue. LAURA: And I grab the eyeball, and I put it in my bag, as a keepsake. MATT: The eyeball's pretty big. It will not fit into your bag. It is about that large. LAURA: Whoa! LIAM: Whoa. LAURA: I kick the eyeball. TALIESIN: It's like a yoga ball. MATT: Yeah, it's soft and your foot breaks about an inch or two into it. LAURA: (gags) Fjord! TRAVIS: What's wrong with my face? SAM: What is going on? TRAVIS: Tell me true. LIAM: What is this? TRAVIS: I don't know! SAM: Your eyes have mustaches. MARISHA: He looks like he's starting an emo band. LAURA: But like, is it-- so is he just fully covered in hair? MATT: No, it's just hair, like, matted to his face from the sweat. MARISHA: Sweat? Can you wipe it? TRAVIS: What? LIAM: His hair, or--? Yeah, you wipe it and it comes free, and you look, and there's a bunch of black hair in your hand. ASHLEY: Uh-oh. LAURA: (gasps) MARISHA: Does it grow back though? TRAVIS: I just-- I start doing this. MATT: Yeah, you just start hitting it, and as you do, more hair begins to fall out the back of your head. LAURA: (gasps) SAM: Oh! MATT: You start seeing patches of hair, parts of skin showing up throughout the scalp. LIAM: Oh. SAM: Oh, wait, it's not growing hair. It's falling off. LAURA: He was growing hair-- Oh no, I was just-- (laughs) SAM: Oh no! TRAVIS: What about my--? LAURA: And everybody's laughing at his-- TRAVIS: What, wait, hold on, what about my beard and my ball buns? MATT: So at this point, you realize that your beard, as you've been doing this, patches have been scraping off. TRAVIS: (anguished cry) LIAM: Oh no. MARISHA: What? LIAM: What about down below? TRAVIS: (groaning) ASHLEY: No, don't touch anything! TRAVIS: Okay. ASHLEY: It's all coming off because you're wiping it. SAM: But also, it's all coming off. ASHLEY: It's going to come off, but just, maybe it'll stay if you don't touch it. LAURA: Oh my gosh, Fjord. SAM: Oh no, do we even know-- Do you have a good bald head, or is it misshapen and weird? LAURA: It's a perfect bald head! SAM: But we-- I've never seen it! TRAVIS: Are my eyebrows still? LIAM: It's all or nothing, Yasha, oh dear. LAURA: Did he lose his eyebrows? ASHLEY: Oh, well, at this point you should just-- MATT: You don't know. MARISHA: They're patchy. TRAVIS: Don't touch it! (laughter) SAM: I'm going to touch his eyebrows. TRAVIS: (shrieking) Don't you fucking--! SAM: Mage Hand! TRAVIS: Armor of Agathys! (laughter) MATT: Do you Mage Hand? SAM: Mage Hand! (laughter) MATT: All right, and you rub an eyebrow? SAM: I just want to-- yeah, just like a (pop). MATT: It leaves a mark. The hair is gone where you-- (shouting, laughter) TRAVIS: How could you!? SAM: I had to know! (laughs) ASHLEY: Well, maybe you should just get rid of all of it. TRAVIS: I've only got one! (screech) there goes the other one. LIAM: Oh! MARISHA: Oh no! LIAM: Oh my goodness. SAM: Oh no, you're like one of those, those faces with magnets, and like-- TRAVIS: Uh-huh? MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, the Mr. Woolies? SAM: Yeah. MATT: A classic Zemnian toy. TRAVIS: We should keep going! LAURA: Hey, you don't need hair, Fjord, don't worry. SAM: This is horrible. MARISHA: Yeah, maybe it'll wear off, in time. TRAVIS: It's just hair. ASHLEY: I mean, it'll all wear off, it seems like. MARISHA: (laughs) LAURA: Oh, but it'll come back. TRAVIS: Will it!? ASHLEY: Yes, hair grows. TALIESIN: I'm sure we can figure this out. TRAVIS: Yep, I'm sure, let's go onward. TALIESIN: We should find a place to sleep. TRAVIS: Are there any blood-- is there-- what-- the trail that we followed in here, do we see anything on the floor? MATT: There's all sorts of blood, your own-- TRAVIS: Fuck! ASHLEY: I have an idea! TRAVIS: What? ASHLEY: I could cut some of my hair, and then we could use the sovereign glue, and put it on your head! SAM: Ooh, the sovereign glue will keep it! ASHLEY: It'll keep it on there forever. MARISHA: So it could be like a salt and pepper thing. LAURA: I don't-- TRAVIS: Maybe we keep that as a last resort. ASHLEY: Maybe we should go, this is a bad time-- LIAM: Let's just sleep on it. LAURA: Yasha, may just stand next to him, and put your hair over, so I can picture what it would look like. ASHLEY: Yes, yes, yes, I will. I'll stand above him and put then my hair-- SAM: When we were at Rexxentrum a long time ago, I gave you all hats. Did any of you keep any of them? ASHLEY: I did. SAM: Okay, you had a yellow beanie. Could you give it to Fjord? TRAVIS: I have a tricorn, okay? It's fine. I put it on. (laughter) Totally, it's fine! (cries) ASHLEY: You look tough without eyebrows. LIAM: Oh. ASHLEY: It's very-- TRAVIS: You can't even see if I'm furrowing my brow! SAM: Are you sad or mad? TRAVIS: I'm closing my eyes! LAURA: Oh, you know, I could tattoo them on for you. SAM: Oh, she can use her paints! LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah! MARISHA: Oh yeah. LAURA: I can magically paint some eyebrows. MARISHA: With a Sharpie. TRAVIS: Going. LAURA: Okay. We'll keep going, we'll keep going. LIAM: That's going to look like Rip Torn. SAM: Every time he changes his expression, you'll have to like go in, and like erase it, and redraw it. TRAVIS: I think this is a great look. I think I look smooth. LIAM: You look fantastic. LAURA: You look really great. TRAVIS: I just get all of it. I just do all of it. Instead of the patchy. All of it. MATT: It all comes off. You are completely bald. TRAVIS: Awesome. MATT: Eyebrows, beard, hair, you are just a smooth Fjord. TRAVIS: You know what, it looks good. Yeah. LAURA: I'm trying to picture it. (laughs) LIAM: You're even more-- TALIESIN: Oh, I'm deep. LIAM: More fit for the water. MARISHA: Yeah, for the water. Yeah, you're like-- LAURA: Oh yeah. MARISHA: -- just full swimmer-- TRAVIS: Olympic swimmer. LIAM: Fate of the world and all that. TRAVIS: Yes, let's go. LIAM: If this is the worst that happens-- MARISHA: Not too bad. LIAM: Yeah. MARISHA: Okay, let's go. LAURA: I think, I think, I think it looks good. TRAVIS: Thank you. TALIESIN: I don't suppose there's anything in this furniture that's just lying here. Is it all just kind of--? TRAVIS: When we ran in, did we see what that was? MATT: Which one, the? LAURA: These, like-- MATT: Oh. So those, those-- TRAVIS: Is that a fireplace? MATT: I mean, the piece I'm using is a fireplace, but the present location you're at, it looks like storage chambers that are just left open. TALIESIN: Oh. TRAVIS: It didn't look like a passageway or like a door? MATT: You can make an investigation check to see if there's anything beyond it. TRAVIS: I sure want to walk by the lightning thing again. LAURA: I'm already out here. I'll go check. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Or we've already moved. Have we moved? MATT: Correct, yeah, and the orb has vanished. TRAVIS: Yeah, so you'll just take a shot every time you walk by. LAURA: Oh, well. TRAVIS: Every six seconds. LAURA: What about the one inside the hallway, is that--? MATT: You can make an investigation check on that as well, if you'd like. TRAVIS: (laughs) Heartburn. LAURA: (laughs) 19, oh, I didn't-- no, that's not what I rolled, I just was pushing the-- Wow, this is so cool. You rolled a nature check? I rolled a nature check anyway, but that's not-- I was looking at the investigation. I rolled 19, 14 plus four, plus one, 19. MATT: Okay, as far as you can tell, there are sliding storage doors and shelves within here, though most of them are empty. Kind of looking around the hallway above, you do see a number of other corpses that were in the process of running, and in the collapse, they seem to have been ruined and left. You see broken pots and containers, things that may have been either in the process of being looted or carried through this space before the impact. But it is mostly empty. LAURA: Okay. Just keep going, then? TALIESIN: Let's find a place to-- LAURA: Stop? TALIESIN: Stop. LAURA: (laughs) This is so cool. SAM: I know, we're just playing with D&D Beyond now. MARISHA: They're really good rolls that are coming-- LIAM: I made a religion check on nothing. Cheers. (laughter) MATT: So what are you doing? MARISHA: Ooh, ooh. TALIESIN: Terrible, man. SAM: We're going to keep going down the hall. LIAM: Are we? I'm a mess, I'm bleeding out my eyes right now. LAURA: Oh. LIAM: I'm dead. SAM: Is this a good place to stop? I mean, we have the hallways in front of us and behind us, and-- MARISHA: I know, is this a good place? TALIESIN: I think right in this corner, we make a little dome. SAM: Okay. LIAM: Yeah, and block the passageway in both directions. LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: That's true. TALIESIN: Actually, if we make it in that little corner, then maybe it blocks all three. MARISHA: You're talking about this corner? TALIESIN: Yeah. TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: You kind of-- TALIESIN: I see where you're going. MARISHA: Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah. TRAVIS: Let's do it. TALIESIN: Yeah. LIAM: Okay, all right, I'll pull my book out, and just plop on my butt hard. MATT: You're setting up around here, you said? LIAM: No. MARISHA: No, no, no, no, no. MATT: Oh, over here. MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: Yeah. MARISHA: There we go. SAM: Ooh. LAURA: Look, it's a perfect fit. MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: How close were you? TRAVIS: I will stand as a svelte sentry as Caleb is-- (laughs) TALIESIN: How close were you? LIAM: Oh, 21 hit points. TALIESIN: Okay. You would've popped up at zero at least, so. LAURA: That's true. ASHLEY: Can we see anything down that hall that we haven't gone down? Just to get a little peeksy? MATT: From where you're standing, make a perception check. ASHLEY: Okay. LIAM: Yeah, you can go in and out. ASHLEY: 22. MATT: Pretty good. About 50 or so feet beyond, the hall continues, and then you see what looks to be a set of heavy brass-like doors. They are both closed, but one seems slightly off its hinges. There's a slight gap beyond it where you can see some shadow. ASHLEY: Okay. This feels like a pretty terrible spot, but it's what we have. (laughter) TRAVIS: What? ASHLEY: This is a spot with many openings, but we'll be okay. TALIESIN: Charlie, do you know what's beyond those doors there? MATT: "I imagine beyond this space is the Genesis Ward." LAURA: All right. TALIESIN: The question is, do we spend this time long rest-- Ah, nope, nevermind. LAURA: We sleep. TALIESIN: Terrible idea, we sleep. LAURA: We need to sleep. Before we go to sleep, if we get a full rest, I'm actually going to use my last fifth level, and Scry, yeah? I'm going to try to Scry on Cree. MATT: On Cree, okay. SAM: She's sharpening her blades. LAURA: Oh! (burbles) Yeah, Guide me, Guide me, before-- help me! TRAVIS: (laughs) Bip. LAURA: Thanks. MATT: You feel that familiar whisper creep up into your left ear. Close. "So, what is it you're wanting, my dear?" LAURA: I want to Scry on Cree. I want to see if they're hurt, if they're resting, if they're already, you know, going to the astral plane. I don't know what's going on. MATT: "Oh, let's go have a look, shall we?" LAURA: Okay. MATT: "I'm kind of curious myself. They're a bit of a... bunch of punks, aren't they?" LAURA: Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Look over there, there's a giant eyeball on the ground. MATT: "That's fucking weird." LAURA: I know. MARISHA: (laughs) MATT: With that, while you haven't seen Artie, just sensing his presence is comforting. LAURA: Do I need to roll a natural-- a 20, before I do this spell, or--? MATT: No, the spell is a saving throw on their end. LAURA: Oh, I mean for the wild magic. MATT: Oh yes, you do. LAURA: Nine. MATT: Okay, you're fine. LIAM: Your hair is safe. LAURA: (laughs) No! Oh, I could've lost all my hair, too-- MATT: This is a long table, so there's all sorts of weird shit that can happen. TALIESIN: Oh yeah. MATT: Some of it real bad. (laughs) You got off easy. (laughter) TALIESIN: (squeaking noises) TRAVIS: I like it. TALIESIN: (squeak squeak) SAM: Fjord Contour. MATT: All righty. So, with that, you feel Artie's... ethereal fey hands reach out and touch your temples. And as you close your eyes, you feel like you're being lifted out of your own body for a moment. There's that sense of butterfly, it's in this drifting, and you hear the splashing of water. It's odd. You've seen no water here. You see flashes of dots of green light in darkness. Familiar, based on previous travel through the ward. And you're suddenly brought to a small blue orb. I say small, it's about this big. It is one of the threshold crests that is currently set on the ground, and you see some bags, and you see sitting on two sides of the threshold crest on the ground, Cree, and just at the periphery, what you assume to be Lucien. They're both drinking water, and there's just a bit of quiet. Make a perception check. LAURA: 18. MATT: Okay, glancing at the fringes, the fuzzy blurred edges of the Scry radius, you can definitely make out the form of Lucien. They're both in the process of pulling out bandages, and wrapping themselves up to a degree, before Lucien begins sharpening the edge of one of the blades that he carries. LAURA: (laughs) SAM: Cree's blade? TRAVIS: He's so considerate. SAM: They're a team. MATT: Before Cree goes, "We have to be close, yes? Everything we've given, we have to be close." There's another pause before Lucien goes, "Don't worry, we're getting there. I can feel it. But they're close now, too, the wee babes, lost without their king. Endless hunger, limitless potential, without focus, divided among thousands of mewling fragmented minds. The Nonagon saw this in them. And I'll be reborn greater. I am their savior, as they were mine. I will save them from their pain, from their wasteful existence. And you're to join me there, in their memory." Cree goes, "Aye, in their memory." And she takes a bite of something. And they're just quiet. Cree looks beat up. LAURA: What about Lucien? MATT: You can't make out too much of the details around him, but he-- at one point early on, you did see him finish bandaging himself, around, like, a forearm, before he went to start sharpening his blade. So they're taking a little bit of a beating. LAURA: They're around water? MATT: You heard water. LAURA: Okay. MATT: You don't know what that means. LAURA: And what can I see around them, anything? MATT: Best you can tell... it's interesting. They're not sitting on cobblestone. They're not sitting on rough floor or tile. They're not sitting in city rubble. They're sitting on smooth marble floor, with a faint, dull yellowish orange hue to the space around them. It reminds you a little bit, in some ways of the atmosphere of the laboratory, shortly after you had fought that terrible baby-like abomination. It feels industrious, professional, strangely clean against the surface rubble that you've been wallowing through since your arrival. LAURA: Okay. MATT: Before the spell ends, you hear Lucien go, "Ah, I'm sure there's certain little joyful gifts to find around here. These people were quite creative in their magical pursuits. Maybe we'll find something that can patch us up right quicker. Let's get some shuteye. Well, you. I'll keep an eye out." He leans a little further out of the blurry range, as Cree takes a moment, and takes a final bite of some sort of dry tack, before curling into a little cat ball on the floor. And (whoosh), you're pulled out of your Scry. LAURA: They're resting. LIAM: How did they sound? LAURA: A little beat up. LIAM: Both? LAURA: Cree was. Cree sounded disheartened. Lucien sounded like himself. It almost seemed like he was performing. I think he knew I was watching. SAM: Well, that's good, they're resting, that means that we can rest as well, right? LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Did they look like they were in a place similar to ours? LAURA: It was clean, it looked like one of those laboratories. I heard water. There was a yellow glow. Maybe... maybe if we come across it, we'll know how far away we are. He said they were getting close. He said he was going to be their savior. He kept saying "the wee babes." SAM: Does he mean us or the whole world? LAURA: I don't know. I don't know if he meant Caleb and Beau with their new eyes. I tell them everything else that I heard. TRAVIS: Oh yeah, we get one more night of sleep, don't we? LIAM: Yeah. Side note, did I-- when she cast Scry, did I see the same thing I saw when I was a giant ape? MATT: Yes. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: What, what? LIAM: Don't worry about it. SAM: What, what? TRAVIS: Secret secrets. LAURA: Secret secrets aren't fun. SAM: Secrets. ASHLEY: Secrets don't make friends. SAM: Boo-crets. MATT: So, are you all resting? LAURA: I guess so? SAM: I think so. LAURA: We need it. SAM: Do we need to do watch, lookouts? LIAM: Yeah. SAM: Okay. TALIESIN: I mean, we're in the dome, we're in the dome, but. MATT: Who's taking first watch? ASHLEY: I'll take first watch. SAM: Charlie. TRAVIS: No Charlie, no. ASHLEY: I'll take first watch. (laughter) MATT: "I could use the rest." LAURA: Oh, okay, cuddle up with me, Charlie. We're going to sleep. MATT: "All right." TRAVIS: Should someone join you? ASHLEY: Sure. TRAVIS: I'll do it. TALIESIN: You got it. LAURA: (snores) MATT: All right, so Fjord and Yasha are taking first watch. ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: All right. All of you eventually find a... as comfortable in a crowded space as the dome always provides. Finally, exhausted, muscles sore, still processing the events of the past day or two, who knows how long it's been? It's lightless down here. You have, aside from Caleb, little sense of passage of time. That fucking feat. And as that threshold of consciousness begins to... fade into the realm of dream, Beau and Caleb. ASHLEY: Fucking-- LAURA: Fuck, fuck! MARISHA: I was waiting for it. LAURA: Fuck! TRAVIS: Saddle up. MATT: In the darkness, you just hear a voice. "Your friends are peeking." MARISHA: He knew. MATT: "You are wily bastards. Continuing to stick my sides like a thorn in my drawers. Clever, but, well, not enough I have to respect it. I'm not here to kill you. Yet. (laughs) I'm here to open a door, to take my reign. Long may it be. You're welcome to watch. If you can keep up. There's so much beyond this door. So much." (harsh echoing whispers) "So much, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so much. Aah," the screams begin to fill the space of your dream until it is just the sound of incessant static. (loud static noise) And that's where we'll end tonight. LAURA: No! TRAVIS: (snaps fingers) TALIESIN: Cool. TRAVIS: âª (Addams Family theme music) âª (laughter) ASHLEY: Oh god-- wait, you guys have two or three? MARISHA: Currently, we have two. ASHLEY: Currently, you have two. LAURA: Yeah, yeah. TRAVIS: Currently. TALIESIN: See what happens in the morning. MARISHA: Question. MATT: Mm-hmm? MARISHA: Those wisdom saves from our Heroes' Feast. Are we still wise when we sleep? MATT: Sure. TRAVIS: (laughs) We'll find out. MARISHA: We'll find out, yeah. MATT: Mm-hm. TRAVIS: Oh man. MATT: All righty. SAM: Wowzers. MARISHA: I wonder if they had to go underwater. ASHLEY: You wonder if what? TRAVIS: Had to go underwater. MARISHA: If they had to go underwater. LAURA: Maybe. TRAVIS: We can do that. MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: I was about to say, we're well built for that. MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: Wow. MARISHA: God. TRAVIS: I'm particularly drag-free now. MATT: (laughs) That's true! (laughter) You are swimmer ready. TALIESIN: An extra five feet of movement. TRAVIS: I had a friend with alopecia. He was a bad looking dude, man. MATT: Yeah, dude. TALIESIN: I know a couple. LIAM: Like a dolphin. TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. LIAM: (chatters) MATT: Oh, why can't I remember his name? That amazing stunt actor. TALIESIN: Yep. LAURA: Oh yeah, yeah. MATT: He was in Game of Thrones for a bit, worked on a few mocap projects. He's such a badass. Joe-- oh, I can't remember his name, anyway. It's been many years like nine, eight years, since I saw him last. Anyway, he's amazing. We're still on the air. Hi, everybody. (laughter) Thank you so much for joining us. We'll pick it up next week, but until then we love you very much. And, is it Thursday yet? SAM: Woo hoo! MATT: Good night. (cheering)	The Streets of the Forgotten	https://www.kryogenix.org/crsearch/html/cr2-134.html
# Critical Role Campaign 1 Episode 115.08 ## Epic Level Battle Royale One-Shot MATT: Welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons. This evening, we're about to dive into our final game of the year before we go away for the holidays, and then return in the new year to begin our new campaign. So tonight, instead, we're going to have the members of Vox Machina who could be here-- unfortunately, Ashley is still in New York. Laura is busy being at the Video Game Awards because she was nominated for Best Actress. So we're sending all the awesome, positive thoughts her way and wishing her luck. And we all knew Vex was going to go out in the first half anyway. That's not true. But we miss you, Laura. We do have a sponsor tonight. We have, for this fantastic episode, Marvel Puzzle Quest returns to sponsor an episode. Thank you so much, Marvel Puzzle Quest! Sam? SAM: Guys, for the sponsorship opportunity, I know that I have this habit of doing a bit, doing some comedy at the top of the show, and it's all funny and clever and brilliant and all that. But today, I'm just going to do it serious. This is a serious sponsor and they need our serious, unadulterated attention. So I'm just going to read the copy, I swear to god. Okay. Our sponsor tonight is Marvel Puzzle Quest. Recruit all your favorite Avengers, from Black Panther, Captain America, (fart noise) Iron Man, The Hulk (fart noise), Black Widow, and more! (extended fart) Create a super-villain dream team and recruit Infinity Gauntlet-wielding Thanos to wage your own war! (excessive fart noises) Mix and match to create the ultimate team of three, and battle it out in Match Three War! (squeaky fart) Marvel Puzzle Quest is available on iOS, Android, Amazon, and Steam. Download it now for free. (so many fart noises) MATT: God, Sam, holy shit. SAM: I just read the copy! MARISHA: Your own joke broke you. TALIESIN: What episode is this?! How many episodes did it take to finally get to this? TRAVIS: Marvel Puzzle Quest gets the best stuff. MATT: We have officially hit that level in our game. TALIESIN: We have steamed the shark. LIAM: You've got to be careful. Marvel Marketing is going to start stealing from your bucket of tricks. We're going to see trailers with farts. MATT: All righty. So let's see. Other announcements? We have a quick one tonight, I think. MARISHA: There's the charity stream with Satine on Saturday. The Roll20 dealio that she's doing is this Saturday, all-day D&D for charity. MATT: This is actually a continuation of a charity event that Satine's been running for years, where me and her first played D&D together years ago. She asked me to be a charity DM and me and Keith Baker ran games at Meltdown, years ago. So it's an awesome group, awesome games. Please check it out. Support it if you can. MARISHA: That was the early days of streaming RPGs online, before it was a thing. MATT: Yeah, it was rough. But it was fun. It was a good time. So yeah, check that out. Next Thursday will be our big wrap-up. We've been asking questions of the community. There's been a lot of really great questions. So we got through as many as we possibly can for this episode next Thursday to answer a lot of questions about the campaign, the world, things that went unanswered, curiosities that you may have been holding on to. The ones that we didn't get to, we might carry over into the first week of the new year or something. We'll figure it out. We want to get through as many of these as we can, but we have a large bulk of them coming to you next Thursday in this time slot. So check it out next week! Let's see. Any other announcements you guys want to bring up? TRAVIS: Laura would pull my lower lip over my head if I didn't say that the beautiful Critical Role notebook is in the merch store. It's gorgeous. I don't hold it up and Vanna White it as nice as she does, but it's in there. Laura and I will be at SacAnime in Sacramento the first week of January. January 5th through the 7th, I think it is. We'll be in Sacramento. MATT: Also, me and Marisha are both happy to be hosting with the folks who make Gwent. If you're familiar with the Witcher, they have their own card game. LIAM: You don't like Witcher, though. MATT: Yeah, I'm not a fan. But we're helping host their upcoming Gwent tournament next weekend, Friday and Saturday. I can't really say the specifics of it because they're going to announce it on their own time, but it's going to be fun. Somewhere in the Europes. But yes, we'll be there. We'll have information on our Twitters and social media if you want to follow and check out both Gwent. We're streaming tomorrow morning, actually, our last stream of us getting prepped, and we're meeting with a bunch of guys in the community that are showing us the ins and outs of some of the factions and decks. So if you're like us and up early tomorrow on Twitch, we'll be there. We'll figure out all of the information on Twitter. All right. Anything else, guys? TALIESIN: Did podcast get updated, or did that not happen? It may not have. MARISHA: It's coming. TALIESIN: Comic book issue three is available. It's beautiful. And there's now two playlists out because I didn't announce my playlist last week. Percy's playlist went out and now there's a Vex podcast. MARISHA: I'm working on it. I started writing today. TRAVIS: I don't have one because it was going to be all death metal, followed with nursery rhymes. TALIESIN: I would like to know what kind of death metal you're into. TRAVIS: Technonic. MARISHA: Also, big deal. This is a big one. Talking about merch. This is a true story. We found a bunch of extra David Mack posters that we autographed and signed as hold-over, in case anything was damaged or shipping was messed up. Yeah, in case life happened. So we signed about a hundred extra and we magically found them the other day. So your last chance-- SAM: Can you tell me where we found them? MARISHA: It was somewhere, I think, literally in the boiler room. TALIESIN: Yeah, I was about to say, it was probably the boiler room because that's where shit goes and vanishes. We are kind of a mess on occasion, this is true. MARISHA: No, we're a web company. We wouldn't be a mess. MATT: Individually and as a collective fumbling our way through existence day to day. MARISHA: But anyway, they are in the store right now. This is your last chance. If you're like, "Oh no, I saw them!" But only a hundred-- and they're gone. So yeah, last-minute Christmas present for anyone who was looking for something. LIAM: Marisha and I came out in another episode of Madness. Some more improvised gameplay with blocks. MARISHA: If you're not watching it, holy crap. Go watch it. MATT: Awesome. All right. I believe that brings us to the conclusion of our announcements. And finishing that up, let's bring us to tonight's special Level 20 Battle Royale episode of Critical Role. [dramatic music] Welcome back, as apparently Sam transformed into his ultimate, final form. SAM: The King of Egos. MATT: How many is this? TALIESIN: It's Sams all the way down. SAM: There are six pictures of me, plus me, so that's seven. Lucky seven. MATT: Seven Sams, that's your name for the night. Seventh Sam-urai. So folks. Not long-- SAM: Wait a second. You're doing a story? I thought we were just going to kill each other! MATT: There's a narrative. TALIESIN: Let him paint his picture. LIAM: Have you met Matt? MATT: Not long before you finish your preparations for the final battle with Vecna, you all spent an evening going to rest with unease and as sleep took you, a vision fills your mind. Groggily you come to, wiping the insides of your eyelids, trying to find some means of grasping the scenario around you. As unfamiliar smells of stale water and crushed stone begin to fill your sinuses, the light blearing into your vision, you slowly focus to look around you and find a strange assortment of structures in the vicinity. And there above you, cracking through the clouds with a thunderous boom, you see a cloaked figure descend from the heavens, hands held aloft, palms up to the sky as bolts of energy arc around its form. As it slowly drifts, hovering above this central tower, the sconces of flame below burning with embers that drift up with the wind and vanish. The cloaked figure spins around, revealing the face beneath the hood, a well groomed, beautiful, familiar beard and his perfectly combed hair. SAM: Oh, I feel better now. MATT: One side of his body contains unique armor with a series of spines of metal seemingly protruding into his arm, as if to keep it in place. (laughter) TRAVIS: Amazing. MATT: As he spins around, making eye contact with the five of you members of Vox Machina, his voice billows out, "You've come again. And here you are, and since you're here I think it's time that you show me what you've got. Show me what you've got!" With a thunderous clap he vanishes. You see a singular column of green energy left behind where he stood, that now rests upon the top of the pillar. You watch as these two disparate towers on two ends of the battlefield begin to slowly spin as energy crackles throughout them. You look around the field for any sort of view of your opponents and all you see are your friends, and you know in that moment that this is another challenge from the Great Colville, to show who amongst you is most powerful. MARISHA: Not again. LIAM: But if we know that in advance. MATT: His voice cracks out from the heavens, "Roll initiative." MARISHA: Wait, do we have time to precast? LIAM: No. MARISHA: To do like a little-- LIAM: Take your precast and shove it in your ass, Keyleth. SAM: Like you need something else. LIAM: You need an edge on us all? MARISHA: Yes, I do! It's not my fault that my character's awesome. LIAM: Using my first luck of the day at the top. SAM: Can I inspire myself on this roll? I forget, it's an ability check. MATT: It's an ability check, yeah. SAM: I will inspire myself. MARISHA: Can I give myself an inspiring leader speech? MATT: No. LIAM: That's ten minutes. MARISHA: Come on, you got this, come on, come on. You can do this, you can do this. LIAM: I'm one luck down. SAM: One inspiration down. MATT: I'm checking real fast here, hold onto your numbers for a moment. LIAM: In my luck box. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. SAM: Wait, wait, that's too many. (laughter) MATT: Which can include yourself. SAM: Shit, I forget what Mythcarver does. TRAVIS: You've used it twice! MATT: I'll put it this way, does everybody have something they wish to prepare before the battle? TRAVIS: I would like to rage. MATT: And as a note, whatever potions that you had on yourself that are healing potions, are out of this battle, as you check your contents of your pockets. TRAVIS: I mean, not really. I want to rage, that's it. TALIESIN: The only thing I can think to do is I would want to already have my Boots of Spider Climbing activated and my Diplomacy charged. MARISHA: How about, instead of a speech, can I cast Freedom of Movement on myself? MATT: Sure. LIAM, MATT: Wings are already out. TRAVIS: Do you want to cast freedom of movement on me? TALIESIN: We get to pose before the battle right? MARISHA: I think I'm the only one here, I don't know, I can't. MATT: As you take in the gravity of the situation you can see a small sparkle around you as a containment field marks the exterior of this battlefield both around and roughly 80 to 100 feet in the air. TRAVIS: 80 to 100 feet? MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: Find out the hard way. TRAVIS: I won't. I ain't going up there. MATT: Initiative orders. 25 to 20. SAM: (laughing) Everybody. TRAVIS: Oh, wow. SAM: Everybody but Kiki. 21! MARISHA: I rolled pretty good, too. TRAVIS: 20. TALIESIN: 24. MATT: All right, so we have currently Percy at 24, Scanlan at 21, Grog at 20. LIAM: 19. MARISHA: Also 19. LIAM: Oh, fuck you. Give it to me. She doesn't need it. MARISHA: Bullshit! Bullshit! Fucking Mr. Sneak Attack! LIAM: (laughing) What are you talking about? You are the clear winner of this game! MARISHA: Don't say that! I've lost all of them! MATT: I would like you both, right now, to roll a dexterity check. Roll a d20, add your dexterity modifier. TALIESIN: He may have to burn another luck. LIAM: Nope. MARISHA: Just my modifier, my straight modifier? MATT: Yep. Because technically you're on the same initiative, but I can't have you doing your actions at the exact same time. This is to see who's slightly faster. MARISHA: I rolled a 15, for 17 total. LIAM: 32, motherfucker. SAM: Jesus! That's your wife! MATT: Wait. How'd you get 32? LIAM: I rolled a 19, my dex is a 13. MARISHA: That's your saving throw. MATT: That's your saving throw, it's a dexterity check. LIAM: Still higher than you. MATT: Still higher. LIAM: 19. It's a saving throw? MATT: No, it's just an ability check. LIAM: Oh, okay. MATT: You're fine, you beat Keyleth. MARISHA: Learn your character sheet, motherfucker! (laughing) MATT: So there is a burst of speed and Vax is ever so faster than Keyleth. His dextrous capabilities edge her out of the initiative order, so Keyleth, you're taking up the rear. MARISHA: I was so stoked about my 17. MATT: I know. With that, as those two towers are currently crackling, Percival, it's your turn. TALIESIN: Wow, it's been a while. SAM: I don't know how to play this character anymore. I've totally forgotten everything I can do. MARISHA: This is the last time we're going to play these characters. TALIESIN: I'm going to run into this room and I want to see what's inside this building. MATT: All right. So you rush around. That's about as far as you get with your movement. Looking inside, you see a large cluster of sigils carved into the ground with crystals sticking out and it's this low pulsing purple energy. Make a perception check, actually. TALIESIN: All right. LIAM: Castlevania teleport mode. TALIESIN: 23. MATT: 23. You notice a small groove of similar pulsing kind of purplish-blue energy that runs from the circle and out of the chamber, which is this line here. And then you also barely see on the edge what appears to be an archway, a door that is built that has a slight shifting barrier of mist where the archway is. TALIESIN: I'm going to spend the rest of my action moving into the archway of mist. MATT: You move into the archway? TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: Okay, and with that you move here. TALIESIN: How much movement do I have left? MATT: That's where it puts you. TALIESIN: All right. MATT: And having revealed those two elements of the battlefield. Going to leave those two open for the time, but there is a roof up there about ten feet tall. End of your turn? TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. MATT: Okay. Scanlan, you're up. TALIESIN: You don't see me. SAM: I'm going to turn invisible. MATT: Okay, you cast Invisibility on yourself. That's your action. SAM: And I'm going to pick a direction to run in. I don't see anybody. I'm going to pick a random direction. That's right. I'm going to run to the right. Is this a door that I can get in? MATT: That is currently a door. SAM: Currently a door? MATT: Meaning it is a door. SAM: I'll run over that way. I only go 25 feet. Or 25 things. TALIESIN, MATT: 25. SAM: And bonus action I can't dash, right, no? MATT: No. You're not a rogue, buddy, no. Sorry. SAM: I don't know. I've never dashed! (laughter) MATT: However, you are currently considered invisible. TALIESIN: Do you have a thingy for that? I have a cake. MATT: It's been a few weeks since we played and I left my markers at home. But that's okay. That cake means you're invisible. It's an invisibility cake. All right, finishing Scanlan's turn. Grog, you're up. TRAVIS: Raging, can I run around the side of the tower that's closest to you towards the door of this little Superman shaped-- yep. MATT: 30, you're at the door. TRAVIS: Can I use siege to knock the fucking door open? MATT: Go ahead and make an attack against the door. SAM: Are we hearing things? Can we hear the crack of wood? TRAVIS: 20. MATT: 20, go ahead and roll damage. You now hear a thunderous roar, Grog's voice billowing out from the air not too far from you across a moat-like pond of clear water that surrounds the vicinity of the central tower. With a smashing sound, you see wood splinter off into the air. TRAVIS: A d4 for the fit hands or with the axe? MATT: With the axe. TRAVIS: Oh, shit balls ass, sorry. Nope, that's a ten. Eight plus-- MATT: This is the Bloodaxe? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Bloodaxe is a d12. TRAVIS: It is, right, I was using the sword before that. MATT: Yeah, d12. What did you roll? TRAVIS: That's an eight on both of them, plus-- Sorry, been a hot minute. 23. MATT: 23, double eight? Yeah, the door is destroyed. It's blown inside, the hinges kind of (squeaking sound) and what little bit of the door still remains kind of breaks off and slams into the ground, and revealing the interior of this chamber, the door now open. It is empty except for a singular chest sitting in the far corner from you. TRAVIS: Do I have any movement left? What did I end on, 40? MATT: That was 30, you still have 20 feet of movement. TRAVIS: Can I make my way to the chest? MATT: Yes you can. TRAVIS: And it's not a bonus action to open said chest, right? MATT: Nope, that would be an action. TRAVIS: I'll stay in my room! MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Can I shut the door-- the door's gone. (laughter) MATT: At this point, both of the towers-- the sparking energy arcs outward and nobody's in the vicinity, so no worries there. SAM: Oh boy! MATT: You watch as energy sparks offward and hits the other structures nearby and then eventually pulls back into the towers and the glow is slowly building once more. Vax, you're up. LIAM: Okay, I am sending you something. I'm going to use a bonus action to hide. MATT: Okay, roll a stealth check, please. LIAM: Sure. Nobody can see me, right? MATT: Not at the moment. LIAM: Okay, that is a 27. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Here it comes to you. And I've charted this right, I think. MATT: You're on deck, Keyleth. SAM: Are we playing Battleship now? Are you sending him moves? Is this what's happening? LIAM: Yes. MATT: Okay, Vax vanishes into the shadows of the field. Let's see here. LIAM: Feel me? MATT: Yeah. LIAM: Okay. MATT: That your turn? LIAM: Oh, shite. Yes it is. MATT: Okay, ends Vax's turn, Keyleth, you're up. MARISHA: Hey, question, clarification on blindsight? MATT: Yes? MARISHA: I was going to look it up. You're blind but you can still see through you being awesome? MATT: Is this in reference to a creature? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Blindsight means that they either don't use their eyes to see and as such Blind doesn't affect them. TRAVIS: Oh, like the worms and stuff. MATT: Yeah. Creatures without eyes, such as grimlocks, grey oozes, either it's naturally blind and can see without having to use the eyes or if it's ever blinded it doesn't affect it. MARISHA: Okay, so I wouldn't be able to see through Scanlan's Invisibility with blindsight. MATT: Not with blindsight, with tremor sense you would still feel him running across. MARISHA: That's what I was getting clarification on. I am going to cast Sunbeam at 6th level, and-- MATT: Where are you casting it? MARISHA: Sunbeam. Myself. MATT: Right. It creates a beam when you cast it. MARISHA: As an action I get to create a beam, right? MATT: Correct, but when you initially cast it you create a beam so if you want to fire at wherever and it's gone, that's fine. MARISHA: Okay. Well then, how about this? I want to peek around this corner over here. SAM: My tremor sense hears her moving. MARISHA: Do I see Percy? MATT: Yeah, you very plainly see Percy. MARISHA: Okay, then I'm going to do Sunbeam. TALIESIN: That'll do. MATT: All right. First blood. Other than the door. Which, to be fair, is the most Vox Machina opening thing to destroy. TRAVIS: This is for 115 episodes, you bitch! MARISHA: Did I destroy the door? Is that what you're saying? MATT: No, Travis did earlier. TRAVIS: You didn't destroy everything! MARISHA: Sorry, I checked out. (laughter) MATT: All right, Percy, I need you to make a constitution saving throw, please. TALIESIN: Constitution saving throw. This is magical, isn't it? MATT: Yes, it is. TALIESIN: So I get advantage on this. MATT: You do. MARISHA: Is that versus my spell level? MATT: Yep, your spell DC. TALIESIN: What's your spell DC? Oh, okay, constitution saving throw. MARISHA: It's pretty high. TALIESIN: 25. MATT: 25, I think that saves. MARISHA: That hits, so you are not blinded but you do still take the damage. TALIESIN: How much damage? MATT: Half as much damage. MARISHA: Half as much. 6d8 radiant. (counting) 33 damage total. MATT: 33 damage. Half that. You take 16 points of radiant damage. TALIESIN: I'll take 16 points of radiant damage. MARISHA: And then I use my bonus action to turn into an earth elemental. I still have a little bit of movement, right? MATT: You do. MARISHA: I'm going to use the rest of my movement to peek back around there. SAM: How big is that thing? MATT: It's considered a large creature. SAM: Is it taller than the roof? MATT: No. Because about ten feet tall, it's about as tall as the roof. But you do see Keyleth come out of the side, blast a Sunbeam-- Your line of sight over there, you barely see her rush around the corner, fire this beam of energy, and then (whooshing) into an elemental and then curl around the way. SAM: Nice! Just going to crack my knuckles then. MATT: Ending Keyleth's turn, Percy you're up. TALIESIN: I'm going to hop right back through that door, and take a right out that door and start heading back out that-- yeah, right there, and then I'm going to use the rest of my-- to cast Silence. I'm casting my silence ball, I am now completely quiet. SAM: Except for tremor sense. TRAVIS: Where'd he go? MATT: You don't know where he went. TRAVIS: Oh, he's off the map? Oh, there he is. (laughter) MATT: So Percy has Silence on him, Scanlan, you're up. SAM: Okay. Shoot! I saw her. (to Marisha) I saw you! MARISHA: I saw you! SAM: Let's see here, 25 feet gets me to either here or here, right? MATT: I mean, 25 would put you-- almost. SAM: But I can't get somewhere where I can see her. MATT: Not at the moment, it doesn't look like. You know where she went, but you don't see her. SAM: As I walk, I will try that door, see if it opens. Does it open? MATT: You walk up to the door, and you're going to try it? SAM: Yeah. MATT: No, it's locked. SAM: Then I'm going to keep going and get to here. TALIESIN: That's as far as you can go. SAM: You said 20! MATT: 25. TALIESIN: Five, ten, 15, 20, 25. To the door. SAM: I thought you said I could get to either here or here! MATT: Little gnome feet. SAM: Okay, I will use my action to cast Minor Illusion and it's going to be Scanlan's voice coming from right here behind where she can't see, singing a little song. MATT: Okay. SAM: Minor Illusion I don't think is concentration, right? It just says one action. MATT: Do be aware-- LIAM: Heads up guys, my only chance of surviving to the halfway mark of this game-- MATT: Invisibility ends when you cast a spell. SAM: Oh, when you cast any spell. MATT: Any spell. SAM: Ugh, shit, I always do this! MATT: I know. LIAM: My only chance of survival to the halfway mark is hiding, so Matt and I will be doing a little bit of texting this evening so I can telegraph my moves until somebody spots me. TRAVIS: Totally dick pics, right? LIAM: Yeah-- no! That's crazy! MARISHA: Right under the table. Live dick pics. SAM: Then I will save my action until I see someone, I guess. MATT: What are you holding your action then? SAM: No! No, sorry Matt! Sorry! I'm new to this game! I'm going to use my action to dash, right? I get more movement! MATT: Yeah. SAM: I go back here. TALIESIN: Five, ten, 15, 20, 25! SAM: Out of sight of her. MARISHA: Do I get any-- MATT: Does your earth elemental have tremor sense? Make a perception check. SAM: Yes, yes, it's all happening. MARISHA: 15 total. MATT: 15? MARISHA: No, 16. That makes a difference. SAM: Do I make a stealth check or something? MATT: No, because you went your full movement, so yeah, no. She senses you. SAM: Okay. Does she have pinpoint accuracy or just know the general direction? TRAVIS: She's made of earth. MATT: She has a pretty good idea. So you don't see him and as you're looking around you sense the ground (footsteps). Something's there. Something just moved behind that other building. MARISHA: Feels like about 45 pounds. Oh, sorry, 75 pounds. Four-foot five... That seems tall. TRAVIS: I don't have the deck, by the way. No deck. TALIESIN: I would hope so. TRAVIS: Why? I mean, technically it's before the Vecna fight but it didn't make the portal. MATT: From a story, it's before because I needed a reason for Vax to still be there, but I wanted to make sure that everything was there. Yeah, tremor sense, 60 feet. Yeah. All right, so that ends Scanlan's turn. SAM: She knows where I am? MATT: You don't know that. You're like, "Aw, I'm so slick! Nobody knows where I am!" She's like-- "There." All right, and finishing Scanlan's turn, Grog. At this moment, the energy in those two circles begin to (vibrating). Percival, you glance over the back of your shoulder and you see a burst of bluish-purple energy fill the entire chamber. MARISHA: The inside circles? MATT: Inside this entire room fills purple. It washes past you. You feel warm but no damage, nothing. TRAVIS: Nothing? MARISHA: I don't trust that. TALIESIN: Can I say, Woo, that was close! Do I hear myself? MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: Damn it! Fuck! TRAVIS, MARISHA: Oh no! MATT: And that's all you saw. TALIESIN: Well, that makes life a little more complicated. MATT: Grog, your turn. TRAVIS: All my spells. Can I open le chest du mysterie? MATT: You may. You use your action to open the chest and reach inside. You get yourself a Potion of Superior Healing. TRAVIS: Yes, sweet. Great. I have my full movement, right? Can I come out of the room and start making my way toward this area? MATT: Sure. 50 is about right here. TRAVIS: That sounds great. And this is a solid column? There's no way in there? MATT: It is solid, but there's no roof on it. It's an open cylinder, almost like a small cylindrical bunker. It's about six feet tall. TRAVIS: Okay, so you could-- MATT: Yeah, you could use it for cover or use it to hide. The other ones, though, with the towers on top, are solid. Even though they have windows there, imagine those have no entry. They're just a platform for the towers generating electricity. Does that end your turn, Grog? All right, that brings us to Vax. LIAM: Well, you didn't-- I asked a very specific question and I need an answer. Yeah. Before I can make a call. MATT: All right. There are stairs that spiral up. LIAM: Aw, great. Thanks. SAM: I've never seen someone so disappointed at stairs before. MARISHA: We've got an idea of where he is. LIAM: Yeah, that's why I threw the phone down. MATT: I'm sorry. This works for a certain point before I'm like, all right. LIAM: I know, I know. That's my magic power. Some people turn into monsters, some people hide. SAM: Your magic power is your wit. LIAM: All right, hold on. I'm doing my fucking move! TRAVIS: Wait a minute. If you die, do you come back 30 minutes later, naked, out of the woods? MATT: 24 hours, yeah. But he still loses the Battle Royale. MARISHA: I was going to say, does he win the battle? Just waits? TRAVIS: Walks out naked. Lord Colville is like, "I am pleased." LIAM: Coming at you. Okay, that's what I'm doing. MATT: Okay, got you. All right, that ends Vax's turn. Keyleth, you're up. MARISHA: Oh, shit. I want to go, hm. Bink, bink. Oh hey, Scanlan! (laser noise) MATT: You're going to Sunbeam the gnome? MARISHA: I'm going to Sunbeam the gnome. MATT: Scanlan, as you're sitting there hiding-- SAM: She cannot see me. MATT: This giant earth elemental comes around the corner, that you know to be Keyleth, and looks in the general space you are and fires a beam in the direction where you are. And it's wide enough to hit you. So you gather, in that brief moment before you get completely enveloped by burning, radiant energy, "Oh shit, she knows where I am." Make a constitution saving throw, please. SAM: Can I Counterspell that? MATT: Yeah you can. SAM: Okay, I will Counterspell that at level four. MARISHA: Wait, but I've already cast it. It's a concentration spell. MATT: That's true. No. SAM: It just happens? MATT: Yeah. You're right. Thank you for reminding me of that. Yeah, make a constitution saving throw. SAM: Constitution saving throw! First blood. 22. MARISHA: Fuck! Yeah, you save against it. MATT: Okay, so you're not blinded. SAM: Great, that's good. MATT: And you take half damage. TALIESIN: But he becomes visible, right? MATT: No. Once we get the damage in, he has to make a concentration check. MARISHA: 27 plus five, so 32. MATT: 32, so 16 points of radiant damage and I need you to make a constitution saving throw, with advantage because you're a war caster. MARISHA: He already did. Oh no, wait. Oh, concentration. SAM: Another 22. MATT: All right, you're fine. You maintain concentration on Invisibility. All right. MARISHA: And I'm going to use the rest of my movement to go-- TALIESIN: I have lost two of my most powerful weapons already in one round. MARISHA: I'll go there. TALIESIN: Damn. It's okay, but I've lost two of my most powerful weapons already. Shit. MARISHA: What did you lose? TALIESIN: I lost my Spider Climbing and I lost my Silence. MARISHA: Oh, your Spider Climbing is gone too? That sucks. SAM: But your most powerful weapon is your wit, just like Liam! LIAM: I'm just trying to live to intermission. Come on. MATT: So Keyleth, is that your turn? All right, you moved around that way. Top of the round. Oh, you do have a bonus action still, yeah. MARISHA: No, I don't have anything to do. Never mind. MATT: Percival, you're up. TALIESIN: Man, okay. I have 30 bits of movement. I'm irritated. Can I make it to that door? No, I can't make it to the door in one round, can I. I'm going to-- shit, this is awkward. I've seen what those things do already and I know they're about to do it again. TRAVIS: The first time it was after me and the second time it was right before me. SAM: Why is this so stressful?! We already beat the bad guy! MATT: But now you're beating the ultimate villain: yourselves. TALIESIN: There is nothing good I can do. I'm going to start making my way over here and try and make it to against, not quite to the door, but to the wall. MATT: 30. You get to about there with your movement. TALIESIN: Yeah, I want to be one over. MATT: Yeah, so one over this way? TALIESIN: Because I know that thing's got a radiant kick. MATT: Okay. All right, that's your movement. TALIESIN: And then for my action-- MATT: You do, as you turn the corner, glance over and you see a large earth elemental around the corner, stomping within visual range. TRAVIS: If you also want to see something pretty, you look behind you, girl. I'm sitting over here flexing. MATT: That's true, and you do see Grog across the water that way. TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to spend the rest of my movement, then-- oh fuck, there is no good thing. That door is locked, I'm sure it is. MATT: Well that's 30 feet right there. TALIESIN: Well I have an action still. Since I'm here, I'm actually going to take a few potshots at Keyleth for fun. SAM: Yes you will! First blood! MATT: So you have four attacks. MARISHA: Are you going to say that every time someone gets hit? SAM: Yes. MATT: Which weapon are you using? TALIESIN: I'm using Bad News because the distance. First shot is-- I'm actually going to do a deadeye shot to gain advantage. Actually, that's not fun. Yeah, deadeye to gain advantage. Here we go for that. And that crits! So I'm going to use that crit. I'm also going to drop all of Cabal's Ruin, the entire run of Cabal's Ruin into that. SAM: Oh, shit! All right, it's begun. MARISHA: Might want to save your shit, but all right. TALIESIN: Cabal's Ruin is best used early. He knows why. LIAM: Sam, your face folded in the shirt is terrifying. It's better flattened out, but with four folds in it? Terrible. TRAVIS: I like that right nipple coming through. TALIESIN: Actually, that's technically, those are not d12s. These are d12s. I really should have four of these, but I'll do two and remember to-- I have to double all these dice, so here we go. Time to be a real jerk. MATT: Well, Taliesin, here's the weird thing. Cabal's Ruin currently has no effect. TRAVIS: Oh, you got fucking smoked by the purple shit! TALIESIN: Would that have emptied it? MATT: It currently lays against you like a normal cloak. SAM: You don't know. You don't know! MATT: But you still get the shot off so you can roll damage on that. TRAVIS: Oh my god. LIAM: Yeah, I don't know. I'm in this building over here. SAM: Oh, are you? LIAM: Yes. TALIESIN: Okay, that's fine. TRAVIS: I need to keep living in those places. I don't know what it does, though. TALIESIN: That's 27 points of damage. MATT: Piercing damage? Which, non-magical, you're resistant to. TALIESIN: Whole theory of that was to throw Cabal into that. MATT: So you would take 13 points of piercing damage for the first hit. TALIESIN: That is irritating. MATT: You still have three more attacks. TALIESIN: I'm going to use one of those attacks to reload. TRAVIS: How many points, Keyleth? MARISHA: 13. SAM: Ooh, first blood! MATT: You watch (gunshot). You see bits and pieces of the outer-shelled armor of the earth elemental fracture and spiral off. Minimal impact. TALIESIN: All right, and then I'm going to take another shot and reload. This will be third and fourth attack, shot and reload. At Grog! Because that was disappointing. And I'm going to do a push-back because I'm curious to see what happens when he-- I think that'll almost get him to hit the edge. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: So let's see what ten feet does to him. Yeah. I'm just curious. You're near the edge, sorry. Nothing personal. That's 28 to hit. MATT: I'm pretty sure that hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TALIESIN: Oh, that's not bad at all. You're fine. That's 15 points of damage and you move ten feet away from me. MATT: Okay, so as you take half that because you're raging, you get pushed five, ten into the barrier. Make a constitution saving throw. TRAVIS: 30. 18 plus 12. MATT: Okay, so you succeed. So you take-- that was a very balanced roll. Like, six, six, six! Two, two, one. 23 points of force damage, halved. 23 would be halved, so 11, and you do not get pushed. As it slaps you into it, it slams into your back and you feel it forcing you away from it at a much harder rate than you were forced into it, but you manage to hold firm on the ground and not get pushed forward. TRAVIS: Into the water? SAM: Or whatever that substance is. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: All right. So that's your turn. Scanlan, you're up. SAM: I'm up? Okay, knowing where she is with my tremor sense and just having seen her walk through there-- MATT: You watched her walk around. SAM: I'm going to peek around the corner and I'm going to, even if it kills my Invisibility-- oh wait! First I'm going to bonus action heal myself. Healing Word. MATT: Okay, this will break your Invisibility. So level two? SAM: Level two, yeah. Why not. MATT: I just assume at this point. So 2d4 plus six. SAM: Ooh, four and a four! Okay, that's 14. I'm back up. For my action, I will start singing. (singing) If you want my body and you think I'm sexy, baby then start to dance! (normal) And I will cast Irresistible Dance on her. Through the Hand Cone, by the way. MATT: So hearing Scanlan's song, Marisha, there is no roll because it is irresistible. Your earth elemental form begins tapping a heavy stone foot. (impacts) You start turning into your own version of STOMP, a one-elemental show. Slamming into the ground to the beat, maintaining it although he stopped singing, you're feeling it. Hold on, let me see here. Let me check one thing. SAM: I can't even find it in the book. MATT: Let me check one thing just to be sure because she's an elemental and that may or may not have an impact on this. SAM: I can't find it in the book. Is it not in the book? TALIESIN: Irresistible Dance. It might be in the new book. MATT: All right, yes. So you are not immune to charm, so you're fine. So you can't move. SAM: Oh, she can only move. MATT: That's true. So on your turn, you have to use all your movement to dance without leaving your space. So you're unable to move from that spot until you get rid of the spell. MARISHA: Can I do the Locomotion and do a traveling dance? MATT: You can, as long as it's in that space. So you can do a little box-slide into that five-foot square and you're fine. MARISHA: How long does this last? MATT: It lasts until you spend an action to try and make a saving throw to resist it. MARISHA: I have to spend an action? MATT: Yeah. You also have disadvantage on dexterity saving throws while this is happening. So you can't move. You still have your action and you can still cast spells from it, but until you spend an action to try and make a saving throw-- MARISHA: What kind of saving throw? MATT: This would be a wisdom saving throw. TRAVIS: What if someone hits her? MATT: Doesn't matter. So Scanlan-- SAM: I'm going to use whatever movement I have to hide again behind this little-- MATT: Okay, that's about as far as you can get. Okay, that ends your go? Top of the round. Grog, you're up. The torches at the base of the tower begin to flare up and then (explosion). You watch as all the space around the outside of the tower radiates with burning flame, affecting nobody. But you get the sense that there are elements to this field you have to use to your advantage or avoid altogether. TRAVIS: Good to know. Fire death. MATT: Grog, as you see this flare burn around you and then dissipate, it's your turn. TRAVIS: Oh God, I was like, what? I'm sorry! Can I use my action and dash to run all the way over to this spot, please? Great. And that will-- SAM: Where are you going? She's pinned down, dude! We need you over here! TRAVIS: That will complete my turn. MATT: Vax, you're up. LIAM: All right, here it comes. Boop! MARISHA: Jesus. Such a fascinating game. LIAM: You guys are fucking dicks. I chose rogue. This is what I can do! That's it! I don't have any other shit I can do! This is it. I am defensive! TRAVIS: You haven't even been touched yet. TALIESIN: All of us have taken a little. LIAM: Raven Queen take me. Okay. MATT: So that's what you see. MARISHA: Give it time, dude. MATT: You're on deck, Keyleth. LIAM: Good, good. Am I out of stuff? MATT: No, you still have your action. LIAM: Okay, this is real quick. I just have one last note. MATT: Okay. Got it. All right. Keyleth, you're up. MARISHA: Okay, I don't see anyone. MATT: Nope. Scanlan is making you dance and then goes like, do-do-do! And disappears behind the pillars. MARISHA: In my, what is it called? MATT: Irresistible Dance. SAM: Otto's Irresistible Dance. MARISHA: In my Terran language I say, You fucking asshole! And as I'm dancing I'm going to try and make my wisdom saving throw because I can't do anything else. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: Don't fuck me, Gil! You totally fucked me! No, wait! No, you kind of fucked me. What's seven plus 14? 21. MATT: The DC is? SAM: 22. MATT: 22, you do not succeed. TRAVIS: You got high wisdom, yo! MATT: You're just grooving out! LIAM: Just stand there and hang out until three hours of this game are up. MARISHA: Question. Because it's cast on my elemental form, if I switch wild shapes, will it go away? MATT: Only one way to find out. MARISHA: Okay. I'll use my bonus action to turn into a fire elemental. MATT: As your form shifts into that of a moving, grooving fire elemental, you continue dancing in place. But now it's less STOMP and more really smooth, soft rave dancing. LIAM: It's like at Burning Man. MATT: Essentially. That ends Keyleth's turn. Percy, you're up. Percival, the cloak: the energy returns to it. You feel the boots solidify back in place and no sound. TALIESIN: That will do. I'm going to run around to the door. MARISHA: It only knocks it out for a round? Or for when it's turned on? MATT: All magical items, all effects, it seems. TALIESIN: I'm going to snap. MATT: No sound. TALIESIN: All right. Is the door open or is the door not open? MATT: The door's closed. TALIESIN: I'm going to use Animus to open the lock. MATT: Okay. Make an attack with it. TALIESIN: Don't fuck me, that's 29 to hit. MATT: Yeah, no, roll damage. TALIESIN: I assume the door cannot take psychic damage. MATT: The door doesn't take psychic damage. TRAVIS: Are you sure? You've got a big vendetta against doors. TALIESIN: 17 damage to the lock. MATT: You fire, no sound. The door opens with a creak, no sound. The chamber within reveals a chest in the corner. TALIESIN: I'm going to run in, shut the door. It's going to be an action to open that chest, isn't it? Okay. I'm going to hide behind the door, so if it opens. MATT: You hide off to this side, waiting. TALIESIN: I'm just being careful. MARISHA: I have a question. Would Freedom of Movement negate the dance spell? It says, "For the duration, the target is unaffected by difficult terrain and spells and other magical effects can neither reduce the target's speed nor cause the target to be paralyzed or restrained." MATT: Technically, it's not reducing your movement. You're just spending your turn dancing in place. MARISHA: Damn it! TRAVIS: That's amazing! MARISHA: I love this DJ! MATT: This spell is worded apparently to just skirt around Freedom of Movement. You can move, you just don't want to. You're Flashdancing in there! LIAM: Best fiery running man ever! MATT: That ends Percy's turn. Scanlan, you're up. SAM: I become an ancient brass dragon. True Polymorph is not a concentration spell, right? It just happens. MATT: True Polymorph is concentration. SAM: So she would stop dancing? MATT: Correct. SAM: Then I'm not going to do that. Shit. MARISHA: You know what? I'll take that! TALIESIN: I'm not going to be a brass dragon! I'm going to be me. MARISHA: Enjoy the show, Scanlan! SAM: Sorry, Matt, sorry. MATT: That's okay. The brass dragon figure goes back on the table. SAM: You have an ancient brass dragon at the ready?! TRAVIS: Of course he does! TALIESIN: Have you seen his office? It's basically brass dragons. MARISHA: Technically my office, so it's an even stronger statement. MATT: Sorry. It's getting better! No, it's not. SAM: Well, in that case, I will-- poo. MATT: Do you shake it out of your pant leg? LIAM: Rabbit pellets. SAM: I want to roast her! She's pinned down, man! We got her right now, guys, this is it! TALIESIN: We can't hear you. MATT: You do all have the earrings in! TALIESIN: But I certainly can't hear him. TRAVIS: Oh, we do have the earrings in? MATT: Yeah, you've got everything you have. TRAVIS: Oh we can talk shit while we play?! MATT: Yeah, you can! TALIESIN: I can't hear anything you say. TRAVIS: I'm going to teabag you when you're dead. MATT: Scanlan, what you got? Grog, you're on deck. SAM: I will say, though the earrings, She's open, let's kill her. Trust me, I won't kill you if you get close. LIAM: "That's the thing, though, guys, I'm a really good liar." SAM: I'll lean out and Lightning Bolt her. MATT: Go for it. LIAM: Is this out of the dick? SAM: Of course. No, I'm sensitive to the plight of women. I will do it in a gentle bow. MARISHA: You just m'lady lightning struck me? LIAM: Tip of the hat. MATT: M'lightning bolt. It is the m'lightning bolt. (laughter) And thus, a class begins to percolate in my head. Scanlan, 8d6. LIAM: We peaked at the 35 minute mark. MATT: The Bardic School of White Knighting. LIAM: The m'lightning bolt. Artists, I've never asked for anything specific. But now. SAM: 26. MATT: I need you to roll a dexterity saving throw with disadvantage because you're dancing. MARISHA: This is so great. No, that was a natural one. So I take it. How much was it? MATT: 26 points of lightning damage to your fiery form. SAM: Do elementals maintain their damage level? If she goes back to stone, does it halve the damage that it had? MATT: No. SAM: Damn! LIAM: Get it out of your head that you're going to win. Just have fun on the ride. SAM: If we're all over here, we can do it! TALIESIN: It's like a rollercoaster where you know that they haven't finished the last ten feet of track. TRAVIS: He's just going to come out from wherever he is and help you right now. SAM: She's there, man! LIAM: You all are going to die, and I'm going to come out and embrace my girlfriend and let her kill me. That's how this game is going to go. MARISHA: You would do that for me? LIAM: Let her think that. (laughter) MARISHA: That's true love, right there. SAM: I'm going to turn back behind there. MATT: You're just boop! Okay, that ends your turn. Top of the round. Grog, as you are coming around the way, you see a familiar sparking of lightning energy as the two lightning towers blast off a radius of lightning energy. But no one's in the radius to be affected by it. That brings it to your turn. TRAVIS: I would like to smash the door with my bloodaxe. MATT: Make an attack. TRAVIS: Yeah, either one of those. SAM: In the distance, do we hear another door breaking? TRAVIS: 21 points of damage. MATT: You do. Another heavy hit right after the bolt of lighting dissipates over the horizon, you see splintered woods as an axe swings over the range of the nearby roof of that building. You hear an angry goliath yell as the door is sundered, opening to the chamber within. TRAVIS: May I entrez-vous, please? I will end my turn. MATT: All right. Vax. LIAM: Coming at you. It's so good. I'm going to win on this move. Okay. TRAVIS: I'm going to mime it. SAM: I'm single-handedly first blood-ing over here! I'm first blood-ing everybody! MATT: Scanlan is playing the exact opposite as he did as Taryon in the last one! SAM: Yep! MARISHA: Switching masks. TRAVIS: Are you writing a paragraph? LIAM: A short one. SAM: Dear Matt, check this box if you like me. MATT: Okay, so that ends your turn. Keyleth, you're up. MARISHA: Give me this shit! I want to save from it! Natural 20! MATT: And with that, you have your movement back. SAM: Oh no. MARISHA: (grunting) TALIESIN: You still have movement and a bonus action. MATT: Yep. MARISHA: Bink! Do I see Scanlan? MATT: You do. MARISHA: (laser noise) LIAM: Did you just make that noise? SAM: Yeah, what's that noise? MARISHA: Sorry. Sunbeam! MATT: No, you don't have another action because you used your action to resist the spell. MARISHA: Oh! I have a bonus though. I will use my bonus to go back to earth elemental. MATT: Which, previously, Keyleth had two elemental forms before she had to make a short rest. 20th-level Keyleth has just transformed into her third form. LIAM: Zero fucks. TRAVIS: Does that mean she can go earth elemental again, or is that it? MATT: At full health. You get the sense now, and you've heard of such rumors in your research as a bard, that certain powerful archdruids can wild shape as many times as they want. MARISHA: This is open, right? Can I do a big old jump into it? I do that. LIAM: Sphere of Annihilation! MATT: All right, that's your turn. MARISHA: Don't fuck with me like that! I took you seriously for a good two seconds! TRAVIS: One little marble you didn't see. LIAM: That's the biggest disappointment you have tonight. You did all right. SAM: Are there doors on that thing? MATT: Percy, you're up. No, it's a solid wall about six feet tall, which you can see Keyleth peeking over the top a little bit. TALIESIN: So I'm going to open that chest. MATT: All right, you open the chest and you acquire a potion of superior healing. TALIESIN: Thank you. And that's how many feet? That's like five. So I can now, I have a little bit of movement to leave. Ten, 15, 20. So I can at least use 20 to get to that corner there. Yeah, toward me. There, just there. Do I see Scanlan or is he still invisible? MATT: No, he's not invisible anymore. You see him. TALIESIN: Oh, so I see him right there? I still have ten feet of movement after that. Cool. I am going to shoot Scanlan. SAM: Nice. TALIESIN: I'm going to shoot Scanlan. Let's use Bad News for-- actually, let's use, oh this'll be fun. Let's do Animus, sharpshooter, and deadeye, just for fun. Animus, sharpshooter, deadeye. SAM: I will Cutting Words this first shot. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I can't hear him. MATT: Well, and you're further than 60 feet from him, I think, actually. Yeah, so it wouldn't work. TALIESIN: Animus, sharpshooter, dead shot. Oh, you're so lucky that didn't crit. 28 to hit. MATT: 28 to hit. TALIESIN: That's 1d10 plus 1d6 psychic, plus I'm going to-- eh, not on this one. This is shot number one. So that's, oh, that's terrible. I'm glad I did not. That's nine points of damage plus one point of psychic, so that's ten points of damage. SAM: Are you adding these up? Because I'm not. MATT: You take ten points of damage. TALIESIN: For your next shot-- MATT: You don't hear anything. All of a sudden-- TALIESIN: You take 20 points of damage because that was sharpshooter. 20, excuse me. MATT: So you take 20 points of damage and the (impact and grunting). And you glance over your shoulder and you can see across the way, there's Percival, gun up, but you've heard no gunfire. TALIESIN: Next shot. Same thing. Also didn't crit. You're very lucky. That also hits. That's 29 to hit and then the same thing, 1d10 plus 1d6 plus 18. 26 points of damage. MATT: 26 points of damage. TALIESIN: And I'll do the same thing one more time. SAM: I'm the wrong target! TALIESIN: Natural 20! You've just been critted. And I'm going to drop all of Cabal's Ruin into this as well. So that's (counting) 40 points of damage and now the 10d6 lightning damage. Does that get doubled or does that stay normal? MATT: Lightning damage also gets doubled. MARISHA: Oh, those were good rolls, too! TALIESIN: Plus 33 lightning damage on top of that. MATT: 33 is doubled, so 66 points. TALIESIN: 66 lightning damage on top of that. SAM: On top of what? I'm not adding your shit. TALIESIN: 41 plus 66. SAM: How is it 41? It was 40 before. TALIESIN: Was it 40? 40 plus 66. MATT: So 106 points of damage from that shot. TALIESIN: 106 points of damage on that shot. Oh, I get my grit back on that, so that's nice. Ten. Cabal's empty. And for my final shot, (evil laughter). TRAVIS: You know we kind of need Scanlan to take down Keyleth, right? SAM: It's all good. This is how he wants to play it. MARISHA: Come on, believe in yourself, man. SAM: Taliesin's been trying to do this for months. TRAVIS: Don't make Taliesin get up at 5:30 anymore. It's not good for anyone. LIAM: This might push you toward chaotic good. TALIESIN: For my final shot, I'm going to reload and hide. MATT: Okay. You reload. LIAM: Full action to hide? MATT: Well, he's not actually using a hide action. He just goes into a chamber. TALIESIN: It's going to take him so long to get to me. And if I get within ten feet of him, there's nothing he can do. MATT: So Percival, that's the end of your turn? Scanlan, you're up. You watched this earth elemental dive into the tower right next to you in this open space. You get shot the fuck up. You're covered in your own blood and you watch Percival in the distance slink out of sight. And you're hurting bad. SAM: Yeah, I am. Mm, don't have lots of good options. Oh boy. TALIESIN: I beat him up for you. MARISHA: You did. Very much so. TALIESIN: So you're either going to kill him next round or he's going to do it to you. SAM: Bonus action, 2nd-level Healing Word. Uh-huh, got to get back in the game. TALIESIN: Roll that d4. SAM: Five plus six, 11 points. Yeah. MATT: There you go. Heal up 11 points of damage. Hey, it all adds up. TALIESIN: I'll make it go away again. SAM: Let's see here. What to do? TALIESIN: That was so pleasing. TRAVIS: 106 points! TALIESIN: One shot! I did three shots. MATT: I'll keep this on deck just in case. Ancient brass dragon. Just chilling on the side. You're on deck, Grog. TRAVIS: I'm texting you my turn. MARISHA: Who's on deck? You are? SAM: I need some healing. So. Shit. I've got to get away from Keyleth. I've got to get healed. MARISHA: No, stay. Hang out. SAM: I will Dimension Door to the opposite circular tower. MATT: The opposite circular tower? SAM: Yes, behind it. MATT: All righty. Hand me the piece? All righty. That's your action. SAM: That's my action. That's it. MATT: Grog. At the top of your turn, actually, nothing happens because none of you-- all of you are not able to see anything happen. Grog, it's your turn. TRAVIS: I would like to open the chest. MATT: You pull it open. Potion of Superior Healing. TRAVIS: Hey, look at that. MATT: I also want you to make a constitution saving throw. TRAVIS: 19. MATT: 19? Wasn't a great roll. You take 20 points of poison damage. Halved, because of your belt. TRAVIS: Oh, I do have resistance because of the belt! Yes, thank you. So ten. MATT: And you are currently poisoned. TRAVIS: Damn, son! From what, homie? MATT: As you open the chest, this dark black-purple smoke billows out as you grab and pull the potion out of it. Almost like a trigger or something. It fills your nose, your lungs. You're coughing and it seizes the inside of your chest. And so you are currently poisoned. TRAVIS: Cool. Can I use my movement to run out and toward this hallway? See how far I get. MATT: You can get right inside, if you want. TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll stay just outside of it. MATT: Okay, you're hanging right there, just on the outskirts. SAM: Do I see him? TRAVIS: Yeah, I see you! Hey, Scanlan. SAM: Does he see me? MATT: No, because you were hiding behind the side and he rushed right to the hallway. TRAVIS: He's right behind me. MATT: I'll say because you weren't hiding and as part of the battlefield here, glancing about, he does see you because you do not have a hide action. SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: To be clear, I see you, and then I turn my back on you. SAM: Like a matador? TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm not focused on you right now. TALIESIN: He's not mad at a door. TRAVIS: I mean I can look at you if you want me to. MATT: Ends Grog's turn. LIAM: It's already sent. TALIESIN: That's awful. MARISHA: That's pretty bad, man. That's real bad. TALIESIN: I don't feel like a good person anymore. LIAM: Does that make sense? SAM: Pawn to rook four. TALIESIN: What? Yahtzee? SAM: Woodchuck to gray squirrel, woodchuck to gray squirrel. MATT: All right, I see what you're doing. That's your turn. Keyleth. MARISHA: Do I feel anything around me? MATT: Currently? What's the tremor sense? MARISHA: 60 feet. MATT: 60 feet? No movement. At all. TALIESIN: Even the tower? 60 feet? MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: All right. MARISHA: Okay. SAM: Five master D&D players! MARISHA: And no one's been in here, right? You tried to go in there and then failed? SAM: I tried the doorknob. I didn't really give it all the effort. MARISHA: I'm going to go (roars) and then use my siege abilities to just beat down the wall. First one is 20 total. No, I'm sorry, 22 total. MATT: Yeah, that hits. Roll damage and then double it. Percy, you're on deck. MARISHA: Five plus seven is 12, 24 plus five. MATT: Yeah, you just punch the door in and your fist goes through it and you have to pull it off the hinges and shake it off of your giant battering ram-like fist. The door opens, reveals a singular chest against the other wall. MARISHA: Okay, I'll go ahead and open that. MATT: Well, it's an action to open it, but you can move up. What's your movement as an earth elemental? MARISHA: 30 feet walking. MATT: 30 feet? Yeah, you'd be able to just get up to the chest but you don't have another action to open it. MARISHA: Okay. This is like a building, right? MATT: Yeah, you're having to duck down to get in there. It's about ten feet tall and you're like eleven-foot tall as an earth elemental, probably littler than 12, so you're crouched down a little bit. MARISHA: Okay, I'm in there then. MATT: That ends your turn, Percival, you're up. TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to take this opportunity to head out of the room and I want to climb up on top of this building. Then right up to this corner right here. Actually, this corner right there. MATT: Yeah, that's the end of your movement, you'll be able to get there. TALIESIN: Can I see Grog? MATT: Currently no, you can not. TALIESIN: I can't see anybody. MATT: Nope. You have no sight on anybody. You get to the top, aim, and the battlefield's quiet and empty and you're like, "Ah, fuck." SAM: You can't see Keyleth popping out of the-- TALIESIN: No, she's inside. I'm going to go to the center of it and if I could use my action to lay down and hide if that's possible? MATT: Well, your movement's there so you can't move any further. TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to lay down and, since I'm on the roof, pull down to the roof and see if I can get cover. MATT: Okay. Are you trying to hide, or are you just trying to give yourself cover? TALIESIN: Cover. MATT: So you're going prone. TALIESIN: I'm going prone and I want to keep an eye on that front door. LIAM: It's movement to go up, is it movement to go down? MATT: Yeah. LIAM: Got any left? Got any movement left? To go prone? MATT: Well, no, to drop prone is fine. To get up out of prone is just dropping to the ground. MARISHA: Is he close enough to where I feel a body go (thud)? TALIESIN: I'm also completely silenced. Ten feet all around me are completely silenced. MATT: I know. Silence is different than vibration. Unfortunately. I mean, it is vibration in the air, but that's not going to stop vibration in the ground. It just dampens the sound. Nope. He's just outside of it, so you feel nothing. MARISHA: Damn it! TALIESIN: I'm going to keep an eye on that tower, and if I see any movement I'm going to unload an action on anything I see. MATT: Got it. Make a general perception check for me, if you don't mind. TALIESIN: I'm going to use one of my resolve. That's a save. MATT: Saving throw, yeah, sorry. TALIESIN: Okay, perception. That's a 14. MATT: Ending Percy's turn, Scanlan, you're up. SAM: I'm going to cast Healing Word on myself, at level one. MATT: Okay. LIAM: That is the coward's way. SAM: It's three plus six, right? MATT: Yes. SAM: Great, awesome, nine more points, guys! I can see Grog. I could take a pot shot at him, but that would just kick the hornet's nest a bit. MATT: You think? SAM: I could score eight points of damage on him and then die. MATT: Yeah. You'd die. SAM: I need to just heal. In that case, I will dominate Grog. MATT: Make an intelligence check. SAM: Oh wait, shit, no, I can't do that. Is he worked up, is he raging, can I tell? MATT: Oh, yeah, he's going (huffing). SAM: Okay, forget that then. MATT: Yeah, you've worked with him enough to know that while he's raging charm effects-- SAM: Forget it. MATT: Sorry. I'm giving you guys benefit of the doubt that you've all worked together enough to the point where you do notice elements of techniques and tells. Because it's helped you in the past. SAM: I could put on my hat of disguise. (laughter) MARISHA: What did Matt just say! We all know you have that! SAM: No, just so that you guys would think I'm a kindly old man who just walked onto the battlefield. TALIESIN: Yeah, let's see how well that goes. LIAM: Grog, put down your weapon! MATT: Let me tell you. If there's anything to turn Vox Machina away, it's elderly people. LIAM: I was going to kill my friends, but now there's this woman here. SAM: If I use my bonus action Healing Word, to heal myself, can I also use my action to cast a higher level healing word on myself? Or is that-- MATT: No, it's a bonus action, it's used. Sorry. SAM: Okay. Then I will cast Minor Image. Minor Illusion or whatever it's called. That only has 60-feet range, 30-feet range, 60-feet range? MARISHA: I smell so bad. I'm sweating so much. TALIESIN: You're fine! There's nothing. MARISHA: I need deodorant. SAM: Shit. You know what, I'll do Major Image then. Fine. Fuck it. I'm going to do Major Image and it's going to sure look like Scanlan is just walking right out to the edge of the water right there. Not from there. TALIESIN: Use the cake. SAM: He's just going to appear right there, he's going to come out from around that corner and look out like he's looking for a target. MATT: Percival, glancing over you can see Scanlan emerges from around the corner, keeping an eye, looking around the battlefield, and doesn't seem to notice you're there. SAM: You have to shoot. MATT: Well, he wasn't holding an action. SAM: I thought you said you were holding your action. TALIESIN: I'm holding an action for the tower. SAM: Got it. Wait, for the tower? I thought you said "I'm holding an action until I see anyone." TALIESIN: I'm keeping an eye on the tower because that's where I'm heading next. SAM: Okay. That's my action then. I'm done. TALIESIN: Don't worry, I will shoot at you. MATT: Grog. Top of your round. You watch as the braziers at the base of the tower flare up and flames consume this outer area just on the outskirts. Not the top, but just the surrounding area of the tower and then die down, the walls of flame burning to an ember and then vanishing. It's your turn. TRAVIS: Can I come inside here. Can you step on that? MATT: It's a small, a sigil raised platform. TALIESIN: Do it. I dare you. TRAVIS: I mean, I'm just curious. I mean it's hard to-- TALIESIN: Say yes. When in doubt, say yes. What's the worst thing that can happen? Other than your spells get disenchanted. MARISHA: Yes and, Travis. TRAVIS: I'll go through the portal. MATT: Okay. Out the other side you emerge. TRAVIS: Can I head this way? Can I dash and continue my action and head towards-- TALIESIN: Yeah! TRAVIS: Head down this way. MATT: You get right up-- oh god. You get right about there. TRAVIS: Can I use my bonus action to use my boots of feral leaping to jump into the doorway? MATT: Sure. TRAVIS: No? MATT: Make an athletics check to see if it succeeds. TALIESIN: I admire your commitment. TRAVIS: 27. MATT: Okay. Now I need you to make an acrobatics check for me because it is a very small doorframe you're trying to leap into. TRAVIS: Oh, it's just the one. 13. MATT: You do jump, but your head and shoulders slam into the doorframe. So you get the additional leap. You're now in the doorframe, you're blocking it off. You have a little bit of extra movement, but that's as far as you can get. You have a ringing in your ears and you're like, "That smarts a little bit." TRAVIS: That's my whole action. MATT: You, as you're there by the chest, you hear (grunting). You turn around and see Grog in the doorway like (grunting), looking at you right in the face. MARISHA: In Terran I say: Hey Grog! TRAVIS: Hey! MATT: That finishes Grog's turn. Vax? LIAM: Quick question! Already sent. MATT: First question: no. LIAM: Okay. SAM: Second question: six inches soft. (laughter) LIAM: Is that true?! Tell me after. Okay. TALIESIN: Wow, man! MATT: Text your actions! TALIESIN: Mid-game! You're asking to get fucked with! SAM: Third question. LIAM: Yeah, no. SAM: Shaved. MATT: Jesus! Okay. Good to know. That brings us to Keyleth. MARISHA: Okay! MATT: You're now between a chest and blocked door frame with Grog in it. SAM: Wait. How the fuck did Grog get all the way over there?! TRAVIS: Through the portal over here. SAM: That's amazing! TRAVIS: I was coming! TALIESIN: Don't call it a comeback, he's been there for years. SAM: That's true. LIAM: Vax is somewhere going: You got this. MATT: Oh, I keep forgetting to ask you. Make a concentration check when you took damage as a fire elemental with advantage. SAM: If it's anything like Hide & Seek, you'd probably be like: I really have to pee right now. LIAM: I would just do it. MARISHA: Yeah, I'm good. MATT: With the fire elemental's constitution. MARISHA: Yeah, that's even better. What do I have to make? I keep my spell attack, right? MATT: Yeah, I wanted to see if you lost concentration on the Sunbeam. MARISHA: No, I'm good. MATT: All right, cool. It was 26 or 27 damage, so you would have to make a 13 or 14. MARISHA: Yeah, then I just made it. No, I'm totally good. MATT: What are you doing, Keyleth? You guys are playing it really safe now! TRAVIS: I'm in the doorway with a giant earth elemental. I punched my ticket; I'm ready to ring the bell. MATT: That's true. SAM: I stuck my face out and I got 140 points of damage. MATT: No, you-- okay. TRAVIS: Keyleth's smug. Scanlan's like: Ugh! MATT: I take it back. One of you is playing it real safe. TALIESIN: We're aware! SAM: He may not even be playing with us. TALIESIN: He is on Twitter right now. LIAM: (singing) I stealthed myself out of the narrative! (laughter) MATT: What're you doing, Keyleth? MARISHA: Can I take Grog and use my slam attacks, my multiattack, to take him and body slam into this chest? MATT: Sure, you can certainly try! MARISHA: Yeah, sure! TRAVIS: If I can jump and smash my head on the door like an idiot approaching you, might as well tit for tat. MATT: You first attack would have to be a grapple attempt. MARISHA: My strength versus his, yeah? MATT: Your athletics versus his. MARISHA: I'm just an elemental; it doesn't tell me that. MATT: If the elemental doesn't have any athletic skill, then it's just your strength modifier. Go ahead and roll. MARISHA: I rolled a natural 18. So that puts me at 23. TRAVIS: 19. MATT: No shit?! I was not expecting that! Not with advantage! You reach out and grab, and you have Grog. Make your other slam attack. MARISHA: Which is a slam attack to hit? MATT: Correct. MARISHA: 17. MATT: 17, this is against the chest, technically. What's your armor class? TRAVIS: 17. MATT: Yeah. Okay. You reach and grab Grog. You slam him and it destroys the chest. It splinters underneath. Roll your slam attack damage. MARISHA: Which isn't great. Six plus three, nine, plus five, so 14 damage. MATT: 14 points of bludgeoning damage to you, Grog. TRAVIS: Seven. MATT: You're not prone, but you are moved to the opposite side of her. The chest is shattered beneath you. LIAM, SAM: Shit! MARISHA: Did it release a poison trap in any way? MATT: I need you to make a constitution saving throw. Grog, you make another one as all of a sudden, poison gas fills the entirety of the chamber around you as soon as you destroy this chest. MARISHA: I'm immune to poison. MATT: You are unaffected by any of it. TRAVIS: That's cool. 29. 17 plus 12. MATT: So you succeed. SAM: Are you double poisoned? TRAVIS: I guess so. Start stroking out here in a second. MATT: 18 points of poison damage reduced to nine. MARISHA: Does he take poison at the top of each turn? MATT: No, but he's poisoned, so he has disadvantage on attacks and ability checks until he gets rid of the poison. TRAVIS: Can I make a retaliation? Is that considered melee? MATT: Against her? Yeah, I'll allow it. TRAVIS: But I'm prone. MATT: You're not prone. She just moved you over and slammed you into it. You managed to maneuver and get back on your feet, but your impact against the chest destroyed it and released the trap inside. TRAVIS: I haven't been able to say this in a long time: Can I make this Reckless, Great Weapon Master? MATT: You can, but you have disadvantage on the attack because of the poison, so it's just a single strike. TRAVIS: 26. MARISHA: That hits for sure. TALIESIN: It's going to make life complicated. SAM: Yeah, I know! TALIESIN: I've got shit I can do, but it's going to be tricky. SAM: You have to see the people you're doing it to. TRAVIS: 32. MATT: 32 points of slashing damage. MARISHA: Ooh! It's pretty good! TALIESIN: That was foolish of you. Well, I don't know. You always have a plan. I ain't going to push it. SAM: I don't have a plan tonight. TALIESIN: I don't believe you. MARISHA: Did I break any potions that were under him when I slammed him into the chest? MATT: Right now, the whole place is filled with poison smoke. You have no idea. MARISHA: I'm going to take my movement to get the fuck out of here. MATT: You have full movement, he already used his reaction so he doesn't get an attack of opportunity on you. MARISHA: Can I go 20, use my bonus action to turn into a water elemental and then dive under this water? TRAVIS: How many elementals can you turn into? MARISHA: All of them. TRAVIS: An unlimited number of times? MARISHA: Yeah. Archdruid shit. MATT: You are submerged in this water. TALIESIN: It's why Scanlan's not dead yet. I just wanted to make him desperate. TRAVIS: Oh. MATT: That ends Keyleth's turn. MARISHA: That ends my turn! MATT: Percival, you're up. You turn around and you watch around the corner you have Scanlan peeking around one side and you have Keyleth coming out as an earth elemental, turning into a water elemental then disappearing beneath the surface of the water. TALIESIN: I can't see anything else? MATT: Nope. But you did hear the impact. TALIESIN: No, I didn't. MARISHA: Can't hear shit. MATT: Oh, right. Silence, yeah. TRAVIS: There's a giant tidal wave moving yonder. TALIESIN: There's a bard over there. I'm going to take a jump onto that island. MARISHA: I'm stealthing, if that was not clear. Hiding under there. TALIESIN: Acrobatics check. That's 24. MATT: 24. TALIESIN: I'm going to spend the rest of my movement running straight up that tower. MATT: Okay! As you enter the tower-- TALIESIN: I'm not entering the tower. I'm running up the tower. Sorry. My fault. MATT: Ten, 15, 20, 25, 30. TALIESIN: And then double run. MATT: You're up on the tower now. As you get to the top of the tower, you glance over and the column of green energy that was left behind when Colville vanished sits there, creating this beam. This central, circular area right there is infused with soft, sparkling, greenish energy. TALIESIN: Huh. I've been having bad luck with that lately. TRAVIS: The whole top of the tower, or just the middle of it? MATT: Just the center circle. TRAVIS: Is there a latch? MATT: There is a trap door over that. TALIESIN: I'm going to take cover from Scanlan right there with what's left of my movement against one of the walls. MATT: You back up against the wall. TALIESIN: I'm backing up against the wall and that's my turn. MATT: You currently have three-quarters cover in that space. TALIESIN: Okay. That'll do. MATT: Ending Percival's turn, Scanlan, you're up. SAM: Bonus action: Healing Word. MATT: Yes. So you're holding your Major Image of Scanlan out there right now. Grog, you saw enter the chamber and vanish into the doorway. SAM: Do I know where that goes? No. I don't know how those things work. I heard a bunch of smashing kitty-corner to me and I haven't seen anything else. MATT: Nope! SAM: Cool. TRAVIS: You could stand on that thing, though, the platform. SAM: What? TRAVIS: It looks super-magical, this thing. It's awesome. There's even little feet right here. SAM: That sounds great. TRAVIS: I don't know what those are. Are they boots? MARISHA: Stand here. Yeah, you beat me to it! SAM: I'm going to have Major Image Scanlan ice skate across the water in a jaunty way. TRAVIS: Ice skating? SAM: He's walking on water, as I've always wanted to do. MARISHA, TRAVIS: You can do that?! SAM: He's not a real thing. TRAVIS: Oh, right. SAM: He can do anything. He's going to walk across the water going, "Hey! Over here! Hey!" While he's creating that distraction, I'm going to peek around and see if I see anything around the tower. MATT: Around this way? SAM: Yeah. MATT: You peek around the tower there. SAM: Anything? MATT: Make a perception check, please. I would like you to make a perception check as well. SAM: 15. MATT: You glance around. You can see, just on the top of the tower, shoulder against the area, the outer edge of Percival's form holding his gun up and taking cover right up on the side there. SAM: Okay, I duck back. LIAM: Where's my Colville die? MATT: End of your turn, Scanlan? SAM: That's it, yeah. MATT: The flames burst from the braziers around the tower. The entire area incinerates around the outside. TALIESIN: It did that last round. MATT: You're right, I marked that incorrectly. TALIESIN: I've been keeping track. MATT: I forgot to mark that. You watch as the two separate towers give off a burst of lightning energy and do not affect anybody. Keyleth, you notice this. As you're inside the water, which is just regular water. MARISHA: Good! MATT: As you're swimming through it, regular water. Not terribly deep, it's about three or four feet deep. You're flattening form as a water elemental to hide beneath the surface. You get the sense the water around you is starting to vibrate a little bit. There's a strange effervescence to it that wasn't there a moment ago. That's all. Grog, you're up. LIAM: I sent a question and the answer to your roll, too. Sorry. TALIESIN: Wonderful bottle of Pellegrino for the table. SAM: Naturally sparkling. MATT: You rolled 27? You heard (footsteps). TALIESIN: No, you wouldn't have heard. Ten feet. MATT: That's right. TALIESIN: Sorry, didn't hear it. MATT: Nothing. TRAVIS: Silent motherfucker. You're a goddamn Navy SEAL. TALIESIN: This is why in a normal game this would be completely crippling me because anything could be happening and you could not tell me. But on a solo mission, it's pretty nice. TRAVIS: In the room that I'm in, can I see anything on the floor since I've been poisoned fucking twice now?! MATT: The cloud dissipates. You said you want to sift through the rubble? TRAVIS: To see if there's a potion. MATT: Make an investigation check. TRAVIS: Hey! Minus how much? Two. 13! MATT: You spend your action rummaging through the shattered remains of this. You find bits of the trap mechanism within there and you find a shattered glass vial with trace elements of a healing potion that has since been destroyed. TRAVIS: Can I get down and (licking)? MATT: You do! You get down there. You get a familiar weird medicinal, herbal flavor that is mingled with shards of glass that are gathering on the outskirts of your tongue. TRAVIS: Not worth it. Okay. Yeah, let's see what happens. Can I run out of the room? I'm going to head towards the back portal. Actually, can I get to here? She's in the water, right? She's not sticking out some? MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: Natural 20! MATT: You glance over and you can see in the water the slight, very different movement of the water. You can basically see a slight form in there. Only because you rolled really high. MARISHA: Man, you beat me last time with a really high roll. TRAVIS: I'm an idiot, but you have to be really dumb to go chopping at the water with an axe. It's just water. SAM: You would be just dumb enough to do that. TALIESIN: Only a truly dumb person. TRAVIS: She's just going to change again. MATT: You used 25 of your movement, you still have 25 left. You've used your action. TRAVIS: I'll keep running to the entranceway and I'll stay outside. Do I have any more movement? MATT: You have five feet more. TRAVIS: I can't get around the corner, right? MATT: Nah, you'd have to move next to it. TRAVIS: I'm good. MATT: You're on deck, Keyleth. SAM: (sings with background music) TRAVIS: Should have a countdown clock. SAM: (sings with background music) LIAM: There. MATT: All righty. SAM: Man, Liam's RP is so good tonight! MATT: That ends Vax's turn, Keyleth, you're up. LIAM: Hey man, I took my heart out and did this for 115 episodes, all right?! Staying alive! SAM: The last move, though, was so goth! MARISHA: I'm going to come out of the water like the Swamp Thing. I'm going to beam Grog with another Sunbeam. MATT: Grog, as you're waiting on the side, you hear the ripple of water as you glance over. You watch this giant wave as Keyleth's elemental form emerges from the water. Out of the middle of it, this beam of energy. I need you to make a constitution saving throw. TRAVIS: Wait. Mage Slayer. Advantage on saving throws against spells? I have to be in melee of them. MATT: You might have to be in melee? TRAVIS: I think that might be right. MATT: I'll double check, just to be safe. TRAVIS: I'm poisoned, so I have disadvantage on saves, right? MATT: "Against spells cast within five feet of you." TRAVIS: Because I'm poisoned, I have to roll this again for disadvantage? MATT: Poisoned just gives you disadvantage on ability checks and attacks. TRAVIS: Not saving throws? MATT: Correct. TRAVIS: 25. MATT: Yeah, you take half damage and you're not blinded. TRAVIS: Oh, cool. MARISHA: Your half damage is a ten, (counting) 21. Not a great roll this go around. MATT: You take ten points of radiant damage. Blasted, it burns past your skin. It tickles a little. It's like a bad sunburn. MARISHA: I'm going to go into my earth elemental form and-- TALIESIN: This is disturbing. I don't know what to do about this. LIAM: Die! TRAVIS: Probably not kill the other caster, you know. TALIESIN: I didn't! MARISHA: Is this an actual window here? MATT: They're small slits that you can see through, but that's it. MARISHA: Okay! Yeah. Sure. MATT: That ends your turn. Percival. TALIESIN: God. I didn't see her do that, did I? MATT: No. From where you're standing, you heard the blast. MARISHA: He can't hear shit. MATT: No, that's right! Silence spell, man. It's creepily quiet. TRAVIS: You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and then you have Percy silence. LIAM: Take your die of inspiration. TALIESIN: I'm so fucked. Yep. This is dumb, but I'm going to do it because I don't know you're there. I'm going to walk over to that weird little door. MATT: You walk into the greenish energy. As you step into this field, your body feels warm. No sound. TALIESIN: I just feel warm. MATT: You just feel warm. MARISHA: It's a patio heater. TALIESIN: I'm going to open the door and see what's in there. MATT: As you go to pull for the door, it (clicks). I mean, you don't hear a sound, but it resists. LIAM: Oh, blew your action. MARISHA: Man, we get so catty when we can! It's so much fun! LIAM: This is all I've got. MARISHA: We're never mean to each other, you guys. TALIESIN: All right, just because this green glow is freaking me out, I'm going to back up against the wall and then my next action later is going to be-- MATT: Have you taken any damage? TALIESIN: Have I taken any? Yeah, I've taken 16 points of damage. MATT: Okay, you sense as you're stepping in there, not immediately but the sensation is that similar to one of your allies were to cast a Cure Wounds on you, it has a sort of regenerative property to it, the longer you stand in it. It hasn't taken effect yet. TALIESIN: Okay, then I'm not going to back up out of it, I'm going to get to the back side of the hinge and I can't hold an action, obviously, because I blew my action, but I'm going to prepare to open and worry about what comes out. MATT: Okay, so you go up into the very edge of that radius and just hold your weapon. TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: Okay, that ends your turn. Scanlan, you're up. SAM: Hi guys, Scanlan Shorthalt here. TALIESIN: With a very important message about Marvel Puzzle Quest. MARISHA: I like your crown. SAM: Thanks. TALIESIN: It's nice, it would look good on me. SAM: It's lofty. Knowing where Percy is, I'm going to peek around the corner. MATT: Peek around the corner, at this view, you do not have eyeline on Percival. SAM: Sure, but I kind of know he's up there. MATT: You know he's up on the tower. SAM: And I heard booms distantly over here. MATT: You did, you heard thuds of impacts and a burst of energy, you saw like a bright light glow up over the distant sky for a moment. SAM: Feeling a red-hot anger towards Percy for shooting me-- TALIESIN: Oh, yeah. Bring it. SAM: And also gaming out that there's people over here, right centered on this spot I'm going to cast Anti-Gravity. MATT: Reverse Gravity? SAM: Reverse Gravity. MATT: Okay, on that spot. MARISHA: Okay, that's fun. MATT: All right, your illusion fades, it's concentration. MARISHA: That's one spell I wish we got to use more in-campaign, it's a fun one. MATT: Bringing it back. SAM: 50-foot radius. MATT: 50-foot radius which would also affect Keyleth. SAM: Keyleth for sure. TALIESIN: And anybody in the tower. MATT: Yep. All right so I need Keyleth and Percival to both make a dexterity saving throw. TALIESIN: What about my Boots of Spider Climbing that are currently activated? MATT: I need Keyleth to make a dexterity saving throw. MARISHA: This is going to be bad. SAM: Are they always attached? Nice! TALIESIN: They're activated, I ain't moving. I can't be knocked prone, you can't do shit. MARISHA: 12. MATT: 12? No. MARISHA: All right, let's go for a ride. SAM: 100 feet up. MARISHA: Whee! MATT: (counting) That's 50. TRAVIS: Oh, shit. MATT: This is going to be interesting. SAM: Because you said the top is like 90 feet up, so I want her to go all the way up to the ceiling. TALIESIN: And then see what happens. TRAVIS: A little unintentional Keyteor. MARISHA: Yeah, a hundred percent. MATT: Keyleth, you suddenly go firing up into the sky. Percival, you watch as Keyleth spins up, slams into the top of the field, I need you to make a constitution saving throw. MARISHA: Just a straight con save? Not good, seven. MATT: You take 29 points of force damage as you slam into the field, and then it thrusts you 15 feet away from it, and then you head back towards it. TRAVIS: Do the basketball. TALIESIN: Oh no, oh no. MATT: So it won't affect you this round, but you're currently being just bludgeoned repeatedly. Percival, your hair is standing up on end above you. MARISHA: This is like some Freddie Krueger shit. MATT: You take a moment to try and right yourself and are now finding yourself having to fly upside down. LIAM: But that's the same shit, right? MATT: Yeah, you're fine. It doesn't do anything to you, but it took you a moment to readjust. SAM: I'll duck back behind the thing. LIAM: And nobody knows where I am. TRAVIS: Yeah, we know, okay, we know. AT&T thanks you for your texts. SAM: And I will say: drat, it didn't work on Percy. I'll use my bonus action to say: Percy, I wasn't aiming at you! MATT: He doesn't hear it. SAM: Shit! He doesn't hear anything! MATT: That ends Scanlan's turn. TALIESIN: I have been waiting to use this Silence spell like an asshole this entire game. LIAM: I rolled a 21 for that roll. That didn't do it, did it? I sent you my roll. They rolled, so did I. I texted you a 21. MATT: It didn't affect anything because you were flying. LIAM: Oh, okay. MATT: You had to right yourself, but as soon as you started flying upward, you went, "Oh crap!" and you caught yourself. That brings us to Grog's turn at the top of the round. Keyleth and Scanlan, definitely not Percival. Grog, you notice this, too. Behind the entire chamber on each side, it suddenly fills and flashes with that purplish-blue energy. The energy travels through the center and all the water and surrounding also flashes once with that same purple-blue flash and then dissipates and returns to what it was before. You now notice that those rooms are connected to the water and whatever's in the water when that goes off-- MARISHA: That was the blue spheres? MATT: No, that was the purple. TALIESIN: Purple horseshoes. LIAM: TGIF Flair. MATT: Grog, you're up. TRAVIS: I'm going to go into the room. Can I stand on the crystal circle? Because I don't see anybody else to hit. MATT: You step onto the crystal circle. TRAVIS: I concentrate real hard. MATT: Make an intelligence check. TRAVIS: Nine. MATT: It's hard to concentrate. It's really warm under your feet. TRAVIS: That's it? Do I notice any writing or bones around the circle? MATT: No. It's pretty clear. But you're a few inches taller than you were a second ago because you're on the platform. That's cool. TRAVIS: I don't see anybody. Does it go out to the water? MATT: Yes, it opens up out to the water. TRAVIS: Did I happen to see Keyleth in her earth elemental form, since I was outside, go whoosh and fly up? MATT: Yes. You're watching her being-- TRAVIS: That seems wrong. Okay. I'm going to use my bonus action to take one of my superior healing potions and that's my turn. MATT: 8d4 plus eight. LIAM: Sent you a monologue. TALIESIN: O for a muse of fire! LIAM: To be or not to be! MATT: Keyleth, you're up! TALIESIN: And down. And up and down. MARISHA: I'm going to use my bonus action to turn into an air elemental and fly. TALIESIN: Goddamn it. Not cool! MARISHA: I'm so hot. So sexy. MATT: What's your fly speed? MARISHA: My fly speed: 90 feet. MATT: Yeah, you can get to Percival. You could get to a lot of places from here. MARISHA: How many rounds has it been? Do we know, roughly? MATT: It's been nine rounds. MARISHA: Nine rounds. Then I'll use my last round to-- MATT: You have one more round-- MARISHA: --of Sunbeam. This is my last round, right? I'm going to fly directly above Percy. Looking down over top of him a good 60 feet almost exactly and right below me going to do my Sunbeam down on top of his head. MATT: You also enter the healing column. I need you to roll a constitution saving throw, Percival. LIAM: Like the satellite in Akira! TALIESIN: That's a constitutitution saving? Where's my constitution? There we go. SAM: Pretty good! TALIESIN: 24. MARISHA: Fuck! Fucking no one did! Fucking everyone! TRAVIS: Not me, I'm loving it. I've hit one person. LIAM: I've hit zero persons. TRAVIS: I know. MARISHA: 25 damage. MATT: Halve that to 12. You take 12 points of radiant damage, Percival, and you shield your eyes just in time as the blast hits you from above to have it not affect your vision. TALIESIN: That ain't bad. MATT: You still have about 60 feet of movement if you want, Keyleth. MARISHA: I'll fly that way to that corner. MATT: Staying that far up. You can't fly quite that high up with this range because the ceiling is there. MARISHA: Don't look at me like that! TRAVIS: You don't have to make concentration checks when you take damage, right? You just stay elemental. You're that. MARISHA: As the elemental, yes. It's my Sunbeam that I've been rolling concentration checks against. TRAVIS: Gotcha. TALIESIN: She's got Cyclops laser until we hit her hard enough. Hey, look who you can see now! MARISHA: I'm War Caster with pretty high wisdom, so I'm trying to make it easier to not fail a concentration check. SAM: Oh Jesus! TALIESIN: Look who you see now! MARISHA: Oh, do I see Scanlan? MATT: You do now! As you float over, you see the tiny little gnome, right there on the ground. TALIESIN: Good-bye. MARISHA: (helicopter imitation) LAPD! (helicopter imitation) TALIESIN: Wow, that's a local joke right there! TRAVIS: It'll only be there for four and a half hours from 12:30 to 3:30. TALIESIN: They're already on their way in the helicopter. MATT: End of your turn, Keyleth? MARISHA: Yeah, end of my turn. MATT: That ends Keyleth's turn and we're going to go to a break because we're at a break point here. We'll come back here shortly to ensure that we continue this roundabout battle of care and delicacy. LIAM: Battle of cowards! TALIESIN: I am proud of what I've done so far! LIAM: Same. MARISHA: I would like to say, I feel like I've been playing pretty aggressively. MATT: You have been. You've been doing good. You and Scanlan both have been doing pretty well. Grog's been going door-to-door salesman. LIAM: I have not lost a single hit point, Matt! MATT: You have not! TRAVIS: I've been looking for Vax! TALIESIN: I've been sniping the way I've always wanted to. I feel like such a badass right now. I know it's going to end. MATT: We'll be back here in a few minutes after a quick break, guys. At the break, we have our Wyrmwood giveaway. The keyword for this one is "showdown." Put "showdown" in the chat room, one word, when you are prompted to be entered and we'll come back with the winner after the break. See you guys here in a few minutes. [break] Welcome back, everybody. First off, we have the winner in the chat for the black poisonwood Wyrmwood box, which I didn't have around to show you at the time, but it's really pretty. The winner is CleverNameAlreadyTaken. Congratulations, CleverNameAlreadyTaken. Danoba will get in contact with you and get your shipping information. We'll get that out to you ASAP. Signed by the cast. Thank you again. So let's dive back into this blood drizzle. You know. MARISHA: Waiting for that first blood. Waiting for it. MATT: There's been a lot of first bloods, just no consistent blood. LIAM: Guys, the Raven Queen took me out of here 20 minutes ago. MATT: You just find his equipment in the middle of the battlefield. MARISHA: Oh, poor timing. LIAM: She gave me 20 minutes, she said. MATT: Top of the round, Percival. First off, you heal 20 hit points as your turn begins inside the column of green light atop the tower. And it's your turn. TALIESIN: I'm going to shoot the lock. I'm going to get within ten feet of that lock so that there's no sound and I'm going to shoot the lock open. MATT: Make an attack roll. TALIESIN: I'm going to use Retort for this just because I don't want to waste anything worthwhile. 30 to hit. MATT: Yeah, go ahead and roll damage. TALIESIN: All right. Where's my fancy--? There we are. That's ten points of damage. MATT: Okay. The lock splinters and the trapdoor falls open. TALIESIN: All right. I'm going to run inside and perch on the ceiling. I'm going to use my Spider Climb boots. And what do I see around? MATT: Okay, as soon as you rush to the stairs you can see there's a bit of fog on the inside of the chamber. It fills the room and obscures a lot of the interior. So you move up onto the ceiling and you're now underneath, inside the chamber. TALIESIN: I don't see anything? MATT: You are, for the purposes of this, upside-down there. TALIESIN: Sure. I'm going to hide-- and those stairs keep going down? MATT: They do. You have 15 more movement if you want. TALIESIN: I'm going to go down to the next level. MATT: You don't have quite enough movement to get there. You get just to the top of the stairway onto the ceiling. We'll put you there for the sake of keeping track of it. TALIESIN: Can I see down there at all? MATT: Yeah, the fog kind of dissipates below. TALIESIN: Oh, in that case I'm not going to get that close if I can't get all the way there anyway. So I'm going to get right in that little corner there and keep an eye out. MATT: Well, to look down the stairs you'd have to get-- TALIESIN: Oh yeah, I was going to say, I have to get to the other side of the fog? I don't have enough movement to get back from the fog, then? MATT: Well, you're in the fog still but I mean, it dissipates down the stairs. The whole chamber's still filled with fog. TALIESIN: Okay, I'm going to stay in the fog and keep an eye on what's down there. MATT: Okay. Boop. All righty. That ends Percival's turn. Scanlan, you're up. SAM: Bonus action: Healing Word. TALIESIN: Wow, you are not rolling those well. MATT: You have an air elemental swirling 80 feet above you. SAM: Yep. I just sang a little song to myself. TALIESIN: I've softened him up for you. SAM: Okay, so for all who care, I'm up to 63. And I'm going to look at Keyleth, say into my earring, Friends, let's go fucking kill Vax. At least find him! This is not a fair fight without him! And then I will Dimension Door to the opposite corner again. MARISHA: Oh, good call! MATT: Keyleth, you hear his cry into the earring and watch as, in a flash of vibrant pink-purple energy, he steps through a small, magic-made doorway and vanishes from your sight. MARISHA: Yeah. Okay. TRAVIS: Anti-gravity still going? SAM: Oh yeah. Whose turn? MATT: That ends Scanlan's turn. That brings us to Grog. Sorry. Top of the round, now the exterior of the tower bursts into flames. Fire climbs up and incinerates the island around the central tower, to no effect currently. Grog, your turn. TRAVIS: Can I turn around, since my magic pedestal has not done anything for me, and go through the portal, please? TALIESIN: Also, by the way, you see Scanlan as well. SAM: Hello! Bye-bye! MATT: Ten, 15. You're now inside. TRAVIS: Can I keep going straight across? MATT: 50. You're about knee-deep in the water. TRAVIS: Can I use my Boots of Feral Leaping to leap horizontally 20 feet? MATT: Go for it. Well, make the athletics check. TRAVIS: 17. MATT: 17, yeah. You just crest onto the edge. Your ankle's kind of at the edge of the water. That's it. TRAVIS: Yeah, fuck it. Can I use my dash to go inside the tower from the bottom door? MATT: You may. TALIESIN: Yeah! SAM: Has he hit the anti-gravity field yet? MATT: Just as you get to the edge of that, I need you to go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw. TRAVIS: Well, that's my game. Yeah, no. Seven. SAM: I didn't know you were even there! TRAVIS: I wasn't there. I thought it was put over on that side of the tower. MATT: So Grog, as you go-- SAM: Unintended consequences. Don't worry, I'll get rid of it on the next round-- oh wait. You'll plummet to your death. TALIESIN: Oh no, he'll survive. TRAVIS: I can't do much but hit things, so you know. MATT: For the purposes of this here, that puts it about fair. Grog, you go flying up into the sky, past the edge of the tower, slamming into the ceiling over the battlefield. I need you to make a constitution saving throw. TRAVIS: Yes. 31. MATT: 31, you succeed. So you take what would've been 21 points of force damage, reduced to ten. And you do not bounce off to return-- you manage to stop yourself, but you're still about to be forced back into it. You don't get pushed off, but the gravity's still pushing you into it. So each round you're up there, you're going to keep taking this damage. All righty. That finishes Grog's turn. All right. Mr. Stealthy Pants? MARISHA: Stealthy Pants McGee. SAM: Can you only send him moves in gif form? LIAM: How did you know that's what I was doing? This is that kid in the GoCart chair that spins and spins and spins. SAM: Sure, sure. I'm going to do a Mr. Bean followed by a-- MARISHA: Followed by a Homer Simpson into the bushes. Followed by that kid that's like "Oh shit!" as he runs by. MATT: Here's the thing, and I'm being fair in this circumstance. Keyleth and Grog, out of the corner of your eye, you see a dash of black, winged movement as, darting from the edge of this tower, you see something out the side of this tower, like climbing on the outside, dart and then vanish in that direction. TALIESIN: Wow. LIAM: You don't know that. TALIESIN: I don't know shit. MARISHA: How did you get up the tower? TRAVIS: He didn't go in the tower. He just climbed up the side. LIAM: Her miniature is facing that way. His miniature is facing that way. I'm being a shit. MATT: You want to fight me on this? LIAM: Not at all. I started this game knowing that Marisha was going to kill me. Ooh. MATT: Early bird gets an early grave. All righty. That brings us to-- MARISHA: I'm trying so hard. MATT: Keyleth. MARISHA: Okay, so Grog is suspended, being repeatedly beaten into the ceiling? TALIESIN: Vibrated to death. MATT: Yeah, right now-- You didn't bounce off but now you're slammed into it and being slowly pushed into it, like (static crackling). TRAVIS: Good times. MARISHA: And I saw a black streak go this direction? MATT: From this wall to behind where the edge of this building, and then vanish. MARISHA: And I know Percy's somewhere in the tower, but I don't know where? MATT: Correct. MARISHA: Okay. Yeah. Let me just try and find people. I'm going to fly over top of where that is and see if I can see anything. I'm going to look for a stealthy Vax. How much movement was that? MATT: That would've been-- oh god. Knocked you over. Actually, as far as you can get is there. MARISHA: Okay. Do I see anything from my awesome aerial perspective? MATT: You do not. There's the open door to the building and there's the circular thing over there but that's all you can see. SAM: He could be somewhere over there. LIAM, TALIESIN: (singing) Somewhere out there. LIAM: I'll fucking shank your ass! MATT: Keyleth? MARISHA: Can I use the rest of my action to move down? To just move? MATT: Where do you want to move? MARISHA: Let me drop down 60 feet. Or half my movement speed or something like that, right? MATT: Yeah, so you'd be about, let's say-- SAM: Matt, could I see her, by the way, when she flew over and down like that? MATT: Yeah, you saw her coast over and downward. So there you go. That's your turn. MARISHA: That's my turn. MATT: All right, Percival, you're up. TALIESIN: I'm going to go the next level down, see what I see. MATT: Okay. The fog has now begun to dissipate from the entire chamber. LIAM: It's like ten minutes. I'm going to check. I could be wrong because I don't know shit. MATT: You might be right. I was just guessing. MARISHA: Did you make fog? LIAM: No! Yes. TRAVIS: Do you want to tell us anything you did? LIAM: I didn't play this game. TALIESIN: I'm just heading down, scanning, heading down, scanning, and looking for anything. LIAM: One hour. MATT: Oh yeah, then never mind. It dissipates because you step out of it. LIAM: I'm a druid, yo. TALIESIN: Fuck, I forgot that. MARISHA: Did you do Fog Cloud? LIAM: Yeah, baby! MATT: Heading down, there's no furniture, just the stairway. It looks like the interior of this has been either unfurnished or cleared out. It's just a series of empty stairs that lead up and down the tower. TALIESIN: I'm going to get all the way to the bottom, then, and back myself against that bottom door and I'm going to push all the way to the bottom of the tower with my movement. MATT: Okay. That's your whole turn? TALIESIN: I was hoping there'd be a person in there. I mean, that's all my movement, isn't it? And that's all my action to move that as well, right? Yep, I ran down that tower going, I want to fight everybody! LIAM: Good boy. Not metagaming. MARISHA: Ooh, the m-word. MATT: Finishing Percy's turn, Scanlan. SAM: My turn? Jesus Christ, I don't know what to do. I only see Keyleth. I've only seen Keyleth this whole game! Do I see Grog up there, flying? MATT: Yeah, you see Grog up there bouncing. MARISHA: And Percy shot you! TALIESIN: I'm of the opinion that, against the wall, I don't think he sees him right now. MATT: Right now, no, but if you were to look around. TALIESIN: If you were to back off a bit, you would see him, maybe. SAM: Okay, I will peek around the corner. MATT: Okay, so you move five feet, glance over, and you see Grog currently being jammed up into the ceiling. SAM: I kind of know where Keyleth is. I kind of know where Grog is. No one has responded to my text message of "Let's go find Vax." TALIESIN: Sorry, new earring, who's this? Thank you for being the only person who really laughed at my good joke. That was a very good joke. Chat probably liked it. SAM: Bonus action Healing Word. Oh wait, wrong one. MARISHA: He's going to use all of his spells to just Healing Word. 1d4 at a time. MATT: Just slowly build it back up. TALIESIN: And I will take it all away again next time I see him. SAM: Jesus, I don't know what to do. I'm not going to go after Keyleth without backup. MARISHA: No, but here. I'm going after Vax too! Ba ra ra! SAM: You don't speak English! MATT: Well, technically she can. MARISHA: Oh wait, we decided I can because it's telepathic. I'm trying to find my boyfriend! He fucking ditched me at this bar! Fucking asshole! SAM: All right. So I'm going to announce to everyone, I am going to search for Vax! Hold your fire! And I'll walk, I guess, around this thing. Can I get around it without--? MATT: You can get 25 feet. SAM: Actually, no, I don't know where he is at all. MATT: You see her floating. After Keyleth tells you that, she's over here, moving down this way. That's all you know. LIAM: Baby, are you saving a Wish for me? SAM: Yeah. MARISHA: Oh, your other boyfriend? Okay. LIAM: That's another universe. MATT: One's in-game, one's out-of-game. MARISHA: Oh sure. Sorry. LIAM: One's real, Marisha. One's real. SAM: All right. I'm going to start going this way. MATT: You get that far, less than that, even. SAM: I'll use dash to keep going. MATT: You can get about there. Tiny gnomish legs. MARISHA: This is a big-ass map. TALIESIN: This is such a big map! I love it! It makes me very dangerous. MATT: Beginning of Grog's turn, you watch the lightning towers spark and then fire off radius. Nobody's there. Grog, you're up. SAM: Really, no one's near the lightning towers? TRAVIS: Getting bug zapped. MATT: Make another constitution saving throw, please. TRAVIS: Big southern mosquito. 30! 18 plus 12. MATT: You succeed. So you take 12 points of force damage. TRAVIS: Dear god. That's already halved, right? MATT: Yes. TRAVIS: Okay, cool. SAM: I guess I could have dropped Anti-Gravity. I forgot. TRAVIS: You did? Cool. With my bonus action, can I use my Second Wind to heal 1d10 plus my stupid-ass fighter level? MATT: Go for it. SAM: You want me to get rid of it? TRAVIS: I'm fucking up here until you don't! SAM: I forgot, I'm sorry! Can I do it now, Matt? No. TRAVIS: It's cool, I'm up there. SAM: It's fine. TRAVIS: I'm going to get the immovable rod out in my hand, waiting to fall. MATT: You've got the immovable rod out and you're clutching it. So you're holding your action on it? TRAVIS: I'll hold my action if someone comes within striking range. Can I say that? MATT: Are you holding your attack or-- TRAVIS: An action, not an attack. My action so I can click the rod. LIAM: I sent a question, and here comes a second question. Here it comes. MATT: You're on deck, Keyleth. TALIESIN: Sorry, my fault. Hi. LIAM: Got it. Okay. I'm good. So you know what I want to do. I did it already. MATT: Keyleth, you're up. LIAM: Hey man, I worked really hard for 115 episodes. Allow me to be a fuckoff. MARISHA: I'm going to look around. No sign of Vax, I'm assuming. MATT: From where you currently stand, no. MARISHA: Scanlan, he's too fucking stealthy! I'm going to go punk Grog. And then I'm going to fly up within 60 feet of him. SAM: You just gave up? MARISHA: I can't find him! I looked! SAM: For legitimately six seconds. TRAVIS: I'm literally the helium balloon in the grocery store that broke away from the cashier and is fucking sitting up there. TALIESIN: You're going on an adventure! MARISHA: He's not going to let me do another perception check! I tried! LIAM: It's the best! Until I die. MARISHA: I'm going to go up and be like: Sorry, Grog! And hit him with a Blight spell. Let's say level-- LIAM: That's going to shoot off your pinky toe, man! TRAVIS: I've got another one of those. MARISHA: Let's say a level five Blight. MATT: Grog, make a constitution saving throw, please. LIAM: Man, next campaign you're not going to be a meat sponge like this. TRAVIS: I won't be. 18. MATT: 18, that's a failure. So full damage of Blight on Grog. TRAVIS: Whatever it is, I'll use my Stone's Endurance. LIAM: God, when you play your aasimar ranger, it's going to be so weird. TRAVIS: Yeah. I don't know what that first word you said is. Aasimar? LIAM: Your kenku druid. TRAVIS: My tabaxi tortle. LIAM: Tabaxi tortle half-breed bard. Yeah. MATT: I multi-raced a little since I leveled up. LIAM: Tabaxi with a shell. MATT: Someone please draw that. MARISHA: 49 points of necrotic damage. TRAVIS: Let me roll my Stone's Endurance. Ten plus my constitution. Minus 16. So 41 minus 16 would be 25. MARISHA: Where'd that minus 16 go? TRAVIS: My Stone's Endurance. MATT: Wait, how much damage was it? MARISHA: 49. MATT: Oh, 49. Sorry, minus 16. So it'd be 33. MARISHA: 42 plus seven is 49, right? MATT: Keyleth, he screams out in pain as he's being pushed into the ceiling. His veins bulge with black energy as the Blight takes hold. TRAVIS: Not cool! MARISHA: Sorry! TRAVIS: No, you're not. MATT: You're about 50 feet of movement left. MARISHA: Next is the blue, so let me go to that back corner a bit more. That's good. MATT: There you are. Ending Keyleth's turn, Percy, you're up. TALIESIN: I'm going to exit out the door and I'm going to take a run back over here. This way. (counting) MATT: 30, if you wanted to get there. SAM: Are you jumping across the river? TALIESIN: I don't even know if I'm actually jumping? SAM: Does he have to leave the ground to jump across? TALIESIN: I was actually going to walk, to be fair. MARISHA, TALIESIN: I see what you're doing. TALIESIN: Am I in the range of it at that point? MATT: I don't know, are you? TALIESIN: Where's the--? MATT: You don't know. You didn't see. TALIESIN: I was planning on walking, but I'm fine either way. If you make a roll for it, I'll make a dex roll. MATT: Make a dex roll. TALIESIN: It's a dex save? All right. 19? MATT: No. TALIESIN: Was it not? Just for fun, let's burn-- MATT: Indomitable? TALIESIN: Let's burn a resolve. MATT: Indomitable you mean, right? TALIESIN: It's reroll a save? MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: I wrote it down weirdly because I was trying to conserve space. Yeah, no. TRAVIS: I have a playmate! MATT: Percival, you go firing up into the ceiling as you attempt to make your way across the river. Technically, you're one higher than that, but that's fine. Make a constitution saving throw as you get thrust up. TALIESIN: Constitution saving throw. (counting) 24. MATT: That's a success. You suffer 21 halved to ten points of force damage. You and Grog are now within visual range of each other, being pushed into the force field ceiling. TALIESIN: I still have my action. There's no way I can use spider climb on the force wall, is there? MATT: You can certainly try. TALIESIN: Oh, I have to roll concentration. MATT: You do. SAM: For what? TALIESIN: The silence spell. What is that? MATT: That's a constitution saving throw. TALIESIN: Okay, same thing. 16? MATT: 16 succeeds. It's a DC ten. TALIESIN: This is interesting. MATT: It is. What are you going to do? SAM: We're all flying now. TALIESIN: I'm going to try and right myself and see if I can put my boots on and walk on the ceiling. MATT: As your feet touch the surface, they find some purchase. It's like walking on a water bed. They seem to be holding somewhat, but that's the full of your movement. TRAVIS: That's fascinating. Those boots are ridiculous. SAM: Water bed. TALIESIN: That'll do. MARISHA: Remember when there were water beds? Good times. TALIESIN: Those were such a pain in the ass. MARISHA: Terrible for your back. MATT: Scanlan, it's your turn. SAM: I'm still walking across this room as fast as my little feets can carry me. And I'm kind of out of low-level spells at this point. MATT: You can cast it at a higher level, it just-- SAM: But it won't be a bonus action anymore, will it? MARISHA: 9th-level Healing Word. Do it. SAM: Can I do a bonus action at a higher level if I don't do a spell for my action? MATT: You could sacrifice a higher-level spell slot to cast a level two Healing Word as a bonus action. SAM: Ugh. Wow. MATT: But you'd lose a higher-level spell slot with only getting the bonuses of a level two spell. That I'll allow. SAM: That is insane. I will not do that yet. No, I'll do that. I'm so down. Okay. Oh yeah. MATT: What level do you use? SAM: Level three. So that heals me another 12 points. Yeah man. MATT: So that's your turn? SAM: That's my bonus action. Then I'll use my action to sneak out and look-- Oh wait! I can get out and around back here, right? I'll do that. And when I get out the door I'm looking around. What do I see? I see everybody floating in the air? This is crazy. MATT: You see Keyleth over here. Both Grog and Percival being held against the forcefield. Percival seems to have righted himself and his feet are actually affixed to the field and now is walking, trying to move across it. SAM: Do I let them go? I need help finding Vax, but I don't even know if they're on my side right now! They haven't responded to my text! TRAVIS: We're on your side! Let me down! SAM: Okay, then I'm going to release the gravity. MATT: Okay. And with that, the gravity subsides. TALIESIN: Do I fall? MATT: No, you are held aloft. Grog, however, plummets to the ground for 80 feet. TRAVIS: Do I get to use the action to hit the button on the rod somewhere? MATT: As a reaction, you do. Where do you hit the rod? At what height? TRAVIS: I'll hit it at 20 feet above the ground. MATT: 20 feet above the ground. TRAVIS: Making that Halo dive. MATT: Grog, make a strength check. I'm working on it. Don't worry. TRAVIS: 27. MATT: 27, yeah. You manage to hold tight. Your muscles strain from the falling impact of catching yourself there. LIAM: Does he immediately start doing one-arm pushups? MATT: Essentially, yeah. You suffer one point of damage. Rolled a one on that one. From just muscle strain. TRAVIS: But the muscle's going to get that much bigger. MATT: No, it is. The muscle kind of pops out of the socket and you wrench it back in with the sheer force of your shoulder and back muscles. LIAM: Micro-tears! MATT: All right, Scanlan. That's your turn? All right. That brings us to Grog. First and foremost, you watch as the rooms flash with purple energy. The water lights up for a second, suffused with some sort of magical flash and then comes back to rest. Grog, it's your turn. TRAVIS: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm singing. I would like to un-click the rod, actually. Yeah. MATT: Okay. You fall to the ground, taking eight points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to four. SAM: That's first blood. (laughter) TRAVIS: All right. Can I run around over here? Do I see fucking anything? MATT: You see Keyleth up there. That's it. Percival, you know, is up there. TRAVIS: Both totally within range. Is there a door over there that I can't see? Is there a door over on this side? MATT: On this side, the tower? Yeah, there's an opening on each side, or each corner, yeah. TRAVIS: Can I get to the door from where I am? MATT: You can. TRAVIS: Can I go inside? MATT: You go inside? All right. MARISHA: I'm so stealthy, I've lost myself. MATT: So that's your action? So you get inside there. You are now at the center of the tower. I'll put you down there just because you're big for the tower size. MARISHA: Going assassin this time. Or thief? You were assassin last time. MATT: All right, ending Grog's turn. Vax. LIAM: Troll text, coming your way! MARISHA: Goddamn it. You are the literal worst. LIAM: I know. Damn it, went to fix a typo I sent to him and it just did it again. It said "basted" instead of "hasted." MATT: Technically you can't do that. LIAM: Oh, okay. So then-- MATT: Not as that type of action. SAM: He's sending you a gif right now of Dramatic Chipmunk. TALIESIN: That was well done, Grog. I'll tell you later, but I had plans and you foiled a chunk of them. TRAVIS: Oh, okay. There's not a lot I can do. I'm just chasing a bunch of people I can't see. LIAM: I can do that. Sure! MATT: So you're not doing the first thing? LIAM: No, you said I couldn't do the first thing. MATT: Not as a hasted action. LIAM: Fuck, man. TRAVIS: Oh, for the love of god. LIAM: Okay, can I reverse that? I can reverse that, right? If you go back to the first thing? MATT: You can't hold a hasted action. LIAM: Sure, but I have a regular action, right? So I'll do it on the regular action. MATT: Okay. The first thing you said? LIAM: Yes, the first thing I said. MATT: Okay. Scanlan, Keyleth. You watch as this chamber over here, billowing fog emerges from this chamber over here. The entire outside of this room is now completely surrounded in fog. SAM: We've got a rogue. LIAM: Right, sorry. Yep. Good, but, yep. I'm good. TRAVIS: What the fuck did you just say?! LIAM: On a hasted action, I can only attack. I can't cast spells, which is what I suggested. But if I just flip what I do where, I should be relatively okay. MATT: Yeah, but you can't hold a hasted action. LIAM: Then I'll do the second thing. MATT: That fog cloud's out. LIAM: I understand, because that's not part of the second thing. MARISHA: So wait, is the fog cloud there or no? MATT: The fog cloud's there. LIAM: What am I supposed to do? Announce every move to you guys while I'm hidden? It defeats the purpose! TALIESIN: If I tell you what I'm playing next game will you just stop this? LIAM: Dick, dick, dick! MATT: Keyleth, it's your turn. You just watched this fog billow out from the open doorway and surround-- LIAM: I thought you said it was out? MARISHA: No, he means it is literally out. LIAM: Oh, out the door? SAM: There's no door! MATT: The door is open. TALIESIN: The door got exploded. MATT: Yeah, the door is shattered by Grog, so you went in the chamber and fog cloud fills and encompasses the surrounding area. TRAVIS: I should go check that out. MARISHA: I'm going to hover over-- LIAM: It's fine, it's fine. MARISHA: First smoke. Where there's smoke, there must be a Vax, so I'm going to hover over a little bit. MATT: Okay, how far over? MARISHA: Move me up 30 feet or so. Or 60 feet. That's good. MATT: That's 50 feet there. MARISHA: And then I'm going to be like, Hey boo, I recognize that spell. That's some druid shit! And then I'm going to light up the entire area with a Fire Storm. MATT: Okay. All around it. MARISHA: Radiating outward. Ten of them. MATT: So you hear this and time slows for a second. Over the earring. As you hear this small whine, this (high-pitched whine) (explosion) And it's nothing but bright light and flames around you. It completely engulfs the chamber you're in and around it. You guys watch and, I'll say this, I'm going to say it burns off the fog cloud. LIAM: So she did it inside the building? MATT: Inside the building, all around it. So I need you to go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw. LIAM: I'm not worried. Hold on, say that again? MATT: Dexterity saving throw. LIAM: Yeah, that's right. I'm going to use my second Luck of the day. Oh, that's good. That's real good. That's a 29. MATT: All right. You've managed to dive behind where the chest was open from Grog earlier, jump into the chest, and slam it closed, just as the flames engulf the interior, burning the outside of the-- He's a little man. As it burns the exterior of the chest, you manage to avoid all damage from the spell. SAM: Is it a refrigerator? MARISHA: All damage? MATT: He has evasion as a rogue. If he succeeds a dexterity saving throw, he takes no damage. TRAVIS: I love how cocky he is when he's like, I'm going to die! LIAM: I am going to die! It's just, later. You three don't know shit. TALIESIN: Actually, I saw that. MATT: Yep. As the firestorm dissipates, that chest is destroyed. You kick off the smoking bits of it. MARISHA: At least I've taken out all y'all's health potions. That was part of the goal. MATT: Keyleth, you're going to stay where you are? MARISHA: I'll back up a little bit. Trying to stay away from Scanlan. Wait, what's your range? TALIESIN: My range is there is no getting away from me. I have a minimum range of 400 feet. There is nowhere to hide. MARISHA: If I drop down behind the tower, could I not be seen by Percy? Fly across this way? TALIESIN: My shitty gun has a 400-foot range. SAM: But it can't go through stone. TALIESIN: No, it can't. Yet. I will make ghost bullets one day. TRAVIS: I would try to run up and grapple you or throw something at you, but you're made of fucking wind. MARISHA: That's your only evasion that you have, right? LIAM: No, man, that's unlimited. MATT: Keyleth, with the rest of your movement and descending, actually you'd probably get about there. MARISHA: Until you get hit? You can keep doing that until-- Wait, but I thought you have one that gives you half damage and one that's all damage? LIAM: I'm not telling you anything about my rules. You can figure it out. MATT: As you've seen Vax through the entirety of your gameplay, you'd know that if he has to make a dexterity saving throw, if he fails, he takes half damage. If he succeeds, he takes none. Or he can use his reaction to take half damage from a melee. MARISHA: A reaction? LIAM: Since your husband told you, reaction is if you try to hit me with a sword, and I can only do that once per round. MATT: Or any attack. LIAM: Right, melee attack. MATT: Oh, yeah, from any melee. LIAM: Evasion is just dexterity saves. So use that information. You can use that information, Marisha. TALIESIN: You know what doesn't take a dexterity save? Sending to another dimension. LIAM: Dimensions, Finger of Death. I mean it's inevitable. You're going to kill me eventually. It's true! MATT: Level 20 rogue. Playing this for five years. Still don't know how Uncanny Dodge works. "When an attacker you can see hits you with an attack." As long as you can see them, you can reduce it by half. LIAM: I never claimed to memorize this book, people. Next campaign, I'm going to fuck it up just as much. If that bothers you-- MATT: That was the other ability. Evasion is the one that he used. Yeah, evasion's every time. You're good. All right, so that finishes Keyleth's turn. You managed to dodge out of Percival's view. Percy, you're up. Top of the round I need you to make a constitution saving throw, because even though you're standing on the ceiling, you're still against the force. TALIESIN: That's fine. Constitution saving throw, let's do this. I've got a plan. I'm going to use my second resolve, or my second thing, Indomitable. Let's hope that's better. That's way better, 19. MATT: 19 will succeed, yeah, because it's an 18. All right, so. TALIESIN: And now I'm going to try and do something stupid. MATT: All right, so you suffer the 11 points of force damage, reduced to five. Five points of force damage and you are not jettisoned off the force field. So it's considered rough terrain for you to move across. TALIESIN: Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to use 25 points of my movement to run. MATT: Okay, it's rough terrain, so-- TALIESIN: Oh. I'm going to use my movement to run 15 feet. MATT: 15, you're just-- TALIESIN: I'm going to try and take a running jump to the top of the tower. MATT: Okay, so you're going to leap and release the boots? Make an acrobatics check, please. As you go and try and leap for it-- TALIESIN: All right, acrobatics check. Come on, baby. That's 23. MATT: 23? All right, so you reduce the damage you take from the leap. TALIESIN: That's a much better fall than I was going to get. MATT: It would've been 18 points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to nine. Nine points of bludgeoning damage. TALIESIN: And then I have to do another constitution saving throw for the silence spell? MATT: Correct. Well, first from the-- You have to make it twice. TALIESIN: Oh. 23. MATT: And another one for the impact. One was for the force field and one was for the fall. TALIESIN: Natural 20. MATT: Yeah, you're fine. TALIESIN: And then, so I'm 23 points in. Is it worth blowing any of this? Yeah. Am I feeling the healing? MATT: No, your movement dropped you outside of the circle. TALIESIN: All right. I'm going to use what little I have left-- MATT: You have no more movement. TALIESIN: I have no more movement, even from a double-up? Using my action? MATT: Oh, if you use your action for a dash? Then you can get there, yeah. TALIESIN: I'm going to use my action for a dash to stand on the trap. Like, stand right to the trap, yeah. MATT: Well the trapdoor you blew open, so it's currently open. So you stand right at the edge of it. TALIESIN: I stand there and I'm waiting to see what the hell is going on at this point. MATT: Okay, ending Percival's turn. Scanlan, you're up. SAM: Scanlan's up. Scanlan's going to peek around the corner. MATT: You see Keyleth floating there. You see the flames burst around this interior, the fog cloud dissipates. SAM: I'm going to throw in a Firebolt right in the front door. Wand of Fireballs. MATT: Okay. How many? SAM: Two charges. That's 9d6. LIAM: Where you at, girl? MARISHA: To quote the rogue: You don't know. MATT: You kick off the broken chest. Right as you right yourself, a beam of red light goes into the room, explodes a second time. Make a dexterity save with a DC of-- SAM: 15. LIAM: 20. MATT: Yeah, so no damage. You're like, "Oh god!" You leap out of the way and as you pull your cloak up and the cloak burns and singes on the outside, but you manage to avoid the damage as you flatten up against the wall. SAM: I got him, guys! He's real rough! TRAVIS: Two fireballs in a bunker and no damage. MATT: Unfortunately, that's exactly the kind of thing that rogues are really good at avoiding. They're an up-close or lock-down type scenario or they're going to be jumping around all your booms. Scanlan, that's your action. SAM: Bonus action, I'm going to put on Gloves of Swim/Climb. I think I got them in Pathfinder. I don't know what they are. MATT: They'll give you advantage on climbing checks. MARISHA: They're climbing flippers? SAM: Great. That's it. MATT: That's your turn. Grog. TRAVIS: Yeah. What's up? MATT: Top of your turn. The braziers on the sides of the tower burst into flame, incinerating all the space around, which affects Keyleth, who is hiding behind the side of the tower. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw. MARISHA: I thought the circles were going? TRAVIS: Nope. It's the fire. MARISHA: The fires? Did I get behind? TALIESIN: Yeah. MARISHA: Goddamn it. That's fine. MATT: Because the water glowed last time. MARISHA: Dex saving throw? 15. MATT: Nope. That is 30 points of fire damage to you. As the flames subside, your wind form is burned a bit. Grog, you're up. TRAVIS: Would it be stupid to try to grapple a wind elemental? There's not really anything to grab, right? MATT: I don't know. You hear the wind whipping around outside, but you don't see anything. TRAVIS: Could I step out the door? Like five feet. MATT: You look up immediately and see Keyleth floating there in elemental form after the flames subside. TRAVIS: All right, let's just try it because fuck it. Can I use my boots of feral leaping to make a 15-foot vertical leap with a DC of 16? MATT: You can. She's 20 feet up in the air, though. You glance up and she's 20 feet up. TRAVIS: Just too much. Could I try and climb up the side of the tower? MATT: Sure. Make an athletics check. TRAVIS: 18. MATT: Yeah, you're able to get up to about her height. You're technically base-to-base with her against the side of the tower. TRAVIS: Cool. I'm going to leap off the tower and try to grab onto Keyleth. MATT: Make a grapple check. MARISHA: I am immune to grapple. MATT: I know, but I want him to roll it. TRAVIS: Okay. What can I do in this game? Zero because you're immune to grapple. MATT: Grog, you fall through and land on the ground prone and partially in the water. You suffer eight points of bludgeoning damage, reduced to four. SAM: First blood. TRAVIS: Cool. MATT: You also notice the field that surrounds the chambers shifts in a bit. Scanlan, make a constitution saving throw. You watch as it all closes in by five feet. SAM: 28! MARISHA: He put a time limit on this whole thing. TALIESIN: Good man. MATT: You take 11 points of force damage and you are not forced out of the way. However, you are up against it being pushed against the wall, you have to squeeze out of it. You can see it slowly condensing itself. As it does, you glance up at the sky and see this grinning, mysterious visage made of cloud swirling energy. A grinning beard. That's the end of Grog's turn. Vax, you're up. LIAM: Okay. I've got movement, bonus action, hasted action, and my regular action. I'm going to use movement and bonus action to blast out of that door. Everybody sees me arc up into the sky and fly over this tower and disappear here. I'll tell you what happens next via text. SAM: We got a little Liam there! Liam talked! MARISHA: It's a bottle rocket! Oh wait, nope. MATT: You saw him disappear somewhere down below there. As far as you know, as a marker, somewhere in that area you saw Vax vanish. TRAVIS: Fucking flying motherfucker. MATT: Keyleth, your turn. MARISHA: Okay. My turn. I've got a prone Grog in front of me. SAM: Yeah, man. MARISHA: I'm going to do something great, right? TRAVIS: Yep, fire it up. MARISHA: Shit. But what to do? (grumbles) Oh god. MATT: I'm confused by that image. LIAM: Okay. I'm going to elaborate. MATT: Keyleth, what're you doing? MARISHA: Sorry, Grog. I'm going to try this one more time. TRAVIS: Do it, please. End my suffering. MARISHA: I'm going to land. TRAVIS: Give me some kind of contact with another being. MATT: You slowly descend, swirling wind arms. MARISHA: I'm going to drop my form. MATT: The wind form shifts out and Keyleth descends, landing right down with you. TRAVIS: Hey, Ki. MARISHA: I'm going to say: Don't save against this! And I'm going to try Plane Shift! Because it fucking failed last time! MATT: What's the saving throw on that? MARISHA: Mine, 21. MATT: No, but what's the saving throw? MARISHA: I think it's wisdom. MATT: Grog, I need you to make a wisdom saving throw. TRAVIS: No problem. Modifier is zero. Five. MATT: Where are you shifting him to? MARISHA: Do you have any preference on your demise? SAM: Demise! TRAVIS: I don't know. Send me to the Ethereal-- no. Send me to Feywild. MARISHA: No. That's too nice. TRAVIS: Fuck you! (laughter) MARISHA: My original plan was to teleport you to the middle of the water dimension, just have you slowly drown. SAM, TALIESIN: Sounds pretty awesome. LIAM: That's merciful. MARISHA: Or my other idea was to send you to the Maze of the Abyss. LIAM: Nah, water is a minute or less, right? MARISHA: Yeah, we'll go to the water. MATT: Grog, as Keyleth embraces you, there's a shifting of energy. There's a flash as you see the Divine Gate coast past you. Suddenly, you're in the dark depths of a familiar ocean. TRAVIS: Figures. MATT: You're holding your breath. You know with your constitution, you can hold your breath for a decent amount of time. As you glance down into the darkness of the shadow below you, you see movement as a series of long, familiar tentacles begin to emerge from the shadows below. You think, "Let's make this a final, glorious way to go." TRAVIS: Do I? MATT: I don't know, do you? TRAVIS: Probably not. MATT: You slowly clam up as you sink down as the kraken takes you into its maw and swallows you. MARISHA: I feel so bad! TRAVIS: Fight on! MARISHA: Man, that doesn't feel good. MATT: First one down. MARISHA: It doesn't feel good to be a bully, everyone, let this be a lesson. TRAVIS: Doesn't feel good to be a level 20 barbarian with these strong motherfuckers. Chasing your damn tail. MARISHA: I still have movement, yeah. MATT: You have, in this form, 15 feet. TRAVIS: I also don't have a Deck, for anybody that's wondering. There's no Deck of Many Things. MARISHA: Scanlan dropped his Reverse Gravity, yeah? MATT: Correct. MARISHA: Scanlan's there. LIAM: I sent a clarification. MARISHA: Do I have enough movement to move over there? Actually, you know what? No one's in the tower, right? You went over there. Oh, shit. Goddamn it. LIAM: Such a question, isn't it? MARISHA: Do I have my bonus action still? I do, right? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: I'm going to use my bonus action to turn into an earth elemental. MATT: Is it a bonus action to drop form? MARISHA: Oh fuck, yeah. It is. MATT: I'll double-check. MARISHA: Let me go over there. I can't reach. MATT: Yep, it's a bonus action to revert, so you have to be in Keyleth form. You have 15 feet of movement. MARISHA: I'm going to use my awesome mantle which allows me to jump. MATT: What's your strength? MARISHA: What? MATT: What's your strength score? MARISHA: Just my modifier? MATT: Your strength score. MARISHA: My strength score is 14, so I have plus two to my strength. MATT: That's the distance you can jump in feet is your strength score. So triple that, you can jump pretty far. MARISHA: Let me jump behind there. Do I have enough, with the rest of my movement, can I get inside this building? MATT: No, that would be part of your movement. MARISHA: Then I'll stay there. MATT: Okay. Finishing Keyleth's turn, Percival, you're up. You heal 20 hit points. SAM: That's nice! TALIESIN: I'm going to head this way on the tower. (counting) Do I see Keyleth? MATT: Make a perception check. TALIESIN: I'm down for that. That's a terrible roll. That's 16. MATT: She's not hiding, so you do see the very edge of her. He has an eyeline to the very edge of you. That's as far as you can get with your movement. She has three-quarters cover. TALIESIN: That doesn't matter to me. How far away is she? MATT: You're eyeballing maybe about 45, 50 feet. TALIESIN: I'm going to do something really weird. I'm going to pull out the Iron Bands of Bilarro. I'm going to make a toss, try and nail her in the head. It's got a range of 60 feet. MATT: It does. Make a ranged attack roll. LIAM: Take me out to the ball game! MARISHA: Take me out to the-- what's after that? TRAVIS: The crowd. MARISHA: The crowd! TALIESIN: 30. SAM: It's a good throw. MATT: All right. Keyleth, as you're ducking around, you hear this faint shout in the distance of-- TALIESIN: Manners! Oh, you don't! Does it work? MATT: No! MARISHA: I have Freedom of Movement, too, cast on me. LIAM: Too late! MATT: As the band expands and wraps around Keyleth's body, you watch as she quickly slips out of the bindings and the chains fall to the ground before reverting back to a sphere. TALIESIN: Damn! LIAM: That's amazing! TALIESIN: Fucking oh my god! That was clutch! MARISHA: That was so good! LIAM: Only because you remembered, holy shit! MATT: That would have been bad. TALIESIN: I just saw that happen, didn't I? MATT: Yeah, you did. TALIESIN: All right! MARISHA: Thank god for that fucking 4th-level spell. TALIESIN: That was really scary. That was my attack. I'm going to back off and then go back to the center of that tower and sit and try to get three-quarters cover over there. I want to stay in the green light. MATT: You're staying there and crouching low. Ending Percival's turn, Scanlan, you're up. You can see Keyleth from around. SAM: I can? MATT: You pull out of that side there. SAM: I'm going to dash right towards Keyleth. MATT: Dash? SAM: No, just run. MATT: That's your movement there. SAM: How far away am I? MATT: She's about 35, 40 feet. SAM: So more than 30? MATT: More than 30, correct. SAM: Fuck you! (laughter) MATT: Yeah. SAM: Goddamn it. MATT: 35 feet, yeah. SAM: Goddamn it! All right, I mean I'll just-- MATT: Sorry, Grog. TRAVIS: A barbarian's world. SAM: Sorry, changing my mind, seeing if this works. What is the save? MARISHA: Only when we reach level 20, boys, only when we reach level 20. SAM: Wisdom? She's so wise! TALIESIN: Oh, a wise guy? MARISHA: Early game druids kind of suck, later games, kind of boss. SAM: She's not immune to charm, though. I've already charmed her once. Yeah, fuck it. One more thing to check, sorry. LIAM: Sam, 20 levels and you haven't got your spells in order? SAM: This is a brand new spell, I've never used it! What's the range? It's 30 feet, great. I will Dominate Person. MATT: Dominate Person for Keyleth. SAM: Yeah, it's not going to work because she's super wise, but I'll try. MATT: Okay, you need to make a wisdom saving throw. You have advantage because you are a half-elf, so you have advantage against charm effects. LIAM: Oh shit, with her wisdom? Good luck, buddy. MARISHA: What do I have to save? 22? SAM: 22. MARISHA: Let me do the math really quick. Yeah, I'm all right. I rolled a natural 16. MATT: Sorry, Scanlan, she resists the spell. SAM: It's fine. As my bonus action I will say to her: That spell was an inspiration and we're still on the same team, right? MARISHA: I feel so bad I had to teleport Grog away, but I'm still looking for Vax. SAM: Okay, me too. MATT: That finishes your turn. The field shimmies and crunches even closer. You watch as this distant building begins to collapse inward. LIAM: Oh wow, Matt. Oh wow! MARISHA: Did you turn it in? MATT: That door's destroyed. LIAM, MARISHA: Stay turnt. TRAVIS: The portal's gone. TALIESIN: So, two squares in all around. MATT: Two squares in all around. TALIESIN: I'm in. When we get four we actually start to remove rock blocks. SAM: What's up? Who's next? MATT: Vax. LIAM: I'm going to use my 120 feet of regular movement to fly out of my hiding place into the air. This is probably half my movement, right about there. I can't see, about there. Don't worry, this is temporary. I wouldn't do that. I see Percival, Scanlan, Keyleth. I've used half my movement about, I would guess. And I'm going to use my bonus action to use Vow of Enmity on Keyleth. MATT: You watch as you suddenly turn and look up into the sky as you see, giant wings unfolded, Vax points down at you and with a giant earth-shattering caw in the sky of a raven cry, you feel this mark penetrate your chest, as he marks you with his Vow of Enmity. LIAM: I want to fly within 60 feet of her using still my base movement. MATT: You are about 60 feet here. LIAM: I will use my regular paladin attack, which is an attack-attack, to attack her. Which is at advantage because of the Vow of Enmity. MATT: Correct. LIAM: Not great. I'm going to use a Luck. I'm going to use a Luck. That's better. Not much better. That is a 20. MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: Right, so here we go, just a little bit, though. A tickle for you, really. (counting) 28 and that's the first attack and then the second attack-- MATT: Total of 28 on that one? LIAM: 28, yeah, total. MARISHA: 28 what damage? LIAM: 28 damage. That was a combo, there was some psychic, there was eight of psychic. Okay, then the second attack is 25 to hit, which also hits, but it's much dinkier. So that is eight. MARISHA: Eight. That's 36 total. LIAM: So that was movement plus paladin action, and I will use my hasted action and bonus action. I'll use my haste so I can go another 60 feet and I'm going to fly about there. Then I'm going to use my regular action to-- you guys don't fucking know. I will tell you where I'm using my bonus action to hide. MATT: I'm sorry. What? You moved over, used your paladin action to attack twice-- LIAM: Attack, attack for paladin action, and I still have a hasted action and a bonus action. One can be used for more movement-- MATT: Are you moving somewhere with one of your actions? Is what I'm asking. LIAM: 60 feet. Another 60 feet-ish for the base movement to there. Everybody thinks I don't know what I'm talking about! MATT: No, I know. I need clarification because they need to know where you ran off to. They still see you. You're still out in the open. LIAM: So my base movement gets me to probably about here, and I use my paladin attack to attack twice, right? So I've got bonus action and a hasted action left. That is 120 feet left on one, and then I can use the bonus action to hide. MATT: I'm so excited for the new campaign. LIAM: I know! (laughter) Me too! MATT: This is my own fault. LIAM: I have a great character planned! I can't wait, but I know that I can use another 120 feet from here to get to there, there, there, or there and a bonus action to hide. It's all in the fucking book dudes! MATT: Your movement is 120 feet, which got you to there, right. LIAM: Paladin action which is attack-attack, and I still have hasted action which can be used for movement-- MATT: Do it. Text me where you are. LIAM: It's right! MATT: It's correct! You're completely correct! You are completely correct. No, don't get shit for it. You're doing your job. It's just a process to work out for the scenario of this type of event. LIAM: Hey man, send a message to Mike Mearls about the 5th edition handbook. Thanks, Mike Mearls, I love the handbook. MARISHA: It's okay, everyone hates me tonight, so were all in the same boat. MATT: All righty, ending Vax's turn, Keyleth, you're up. MARISHA: Huh? MATT: You got shanked twice with two daggers after the Vow of Enmity and watched your Vax vanish off somewhere in-- which direction? LIAM: The last anyone saw me is here. Keyleth saw me here going in this direction. MATT: You watched him vanish that way right behind the tower. What are you doing, Keyleth? Percy, you're on deck. TRAVIS: Isn't Plane Shift concentration? MATT: Plane Shift? I don't believe it is. It just happens. MARISHA: l will look, though. MATT: Banishment is concentration, that's probably what you were thinking of. MARISHA: I didn't have any concentration spells up either. TRAVIS: I just meant if you get hit-- MARISHA: In case you come back. Let me actually check. MATT: Keyleth, you're fine. What you got? MARISHA: Fuck, I hope this doesn't fuck up. Peek around the corner. Do I see Scanlan? MATT: Yeah. This whole time you see Scanlan running up to you and telling you all this. MARISHA: (laughs) Sure. I'm going to peek around, see Scanlan and be like: Hey, buddy! SAM: Hey! MARISHA: You see Vax? SAM: He was a blur. Came over, shot at you, and left. MARISHA: Cool, good to know. Feeblemind! SAM: Oh shit! Counterspell level six! MARISHA: Fail. Well, you still have to roll for it. Feeblemind level eight. MATT: Feeblemind is an 8th-level spell. Go ahead and roll-- (laugh) Okay, hold on. SAM: Ah wait, the range is 30 feet. TALIESIN: She moved five feet. MATT: She did move up to peek, she said. MARISHA: Range for Feeblemind is 150 feet. SAM: Oh, okay. Sorry. MATT: Wait, 60-foot range for Counterspell, right? SAM: Probably, yeah. MATT: I'm pretty sure it is. SAM: Yeah, It says range 60, it's used as a reaction. MATT: Yeah I know, doesn't matter either way. All right, for you it's a Counterspell. MARISHA: I should've backed up. MATT: Yeah, you should've moved. It's all good. I need you to make an ability check using your spellcasting ability, so a charisma check. MARISHA: And what does he have to do? SAM: Wait, what? No. Counterspell is ten plus the level, wait, what? MATT: The DC equals ten plus level of the spell. You have to roll a check and add your charisma bonus. SAM: Got it. So that's 13 plus six is 19. MATT: 19. You need to beat 18 DC because it's an 8th-level spell you said? MARISHA: Yes. MATT: He needs to beat an 18. Counterspelled Feeblemind. MARISHA: You rolled a 19? SAM: Yeah. MATT: So as she goes to cast Feeblemind you recognize the incantation from when she used it on Raishan and you go-- SAM: I go: Verily you are-- bad person! MATT: As the Feeblemind fades-- MARISHA: Fuck! I should've fucking been out of range! SAM: We're both making mistakes! MARISHA: We're both really good! SAM: I know. MARISHA: I respect you so much! SAM: I do too. We're making stupid mistakes because we're so anxious. MARISHA: But we're so good. SAM: We really are. MARISHA: We're great. And then I'm going to go to my earth elemental form. I've still got shit to do. I'm going to use my movement. Can I jump back over and run behind the tower this way? MATT: What's the movement of your elemental again? MARISHA: 30 feet. This way. MATT: (counting) That's as far as you can get right there. MARISHA: Instead of curving around, can I just go straight away from the blue thing? Just in case the blue thing hurts. MATT: What's that? You want to go around and look? MARISHA: Instead of curving, can I just go further from the blue thing? TALIESIN: Remember it's two points in at this point. SAM, TALIESIN, LIAM: (singing) What's that blue thing doing there? TALIESIN: Oh man, we did grow up in that era, didn't we? Oh, that brought it back. MATT: Last turn when the fields shattered, it did cause the lighting to go off. I forgot to mention that. SAM: What lighting? MARISHA: The blue? MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: The one Scanlan was next to? MATT: Last round both of you were out of range so I didn't mention it. I forgot about it in the process, I was focusing on the field. MARISHA: The blue thing went. MATT: Yes. MARISHA: So the circle is up next. MATT: Possibly. So are you staying in the water? MARISHA: No, if that's the case, let me step back. Right there. MATT: I'll put you there. At the end of Scanlan's turn-- SAM: That was Keyleth's turn. MATT: Sorry, Keyleth. You watch as the water and the two chambers flash and the chamber crushes even further. This is partially destroyed. And now you're seeing-- we're using this as a marker-- it's starting to accelerate the destruction in the interior. Pushing this in here. LIAM: It's about to get real on the field back. SAM: Why would Colville do this to us? He's a kind and gentle lord. MATT: Using that as a mark. That falls back to this partially destroyed there. SAM: Wow. All this work destroyed. MATT: I know. All righty. Vax, sorry, Percival. TALIESIN: I'm going to get up right over here. MATT: I'm confused. The field should happen later this round, but we'll get to it. TALIESIN: I'm getting up over here on this point of the tower and I'm holding my action until I see even the slightest fucking little black feather appear anywhere on this field and I'm going to lay goddamn waste. MATT: Okay. Ending Percival's turn, Scanlan, your turn. SAM: I run after Keyleth and I say: Wait I forgot! Feeblemind. I will use Wish to cast Feeblemind on her. MARISHA: All right. MATT: Keyleth, I need you to make an intelligence saving throw. MARISHA: Just straight intelligence? Do I get anything? MATT: Whatever your intelligence saving throw is. MARISHA: As the earth elemental? I keep my mental stats, though. MATT: That's right, because it's Wild Shape you keep your mental stats. MARISHA: Not that that means anything. Okay. TALIESIN: Wow. I mean he had to get clutch, didn't he? TRAVIS: Drop that motherfucker. MARISHA: I'm trying to make sure that I don't have any type of weird resistance-- SAM: To impossible to defeat spells? (groaning) MARISHA: Terrible! MATT: So roll 4d6 psychic damage. TRAVIS: He's the king for a reason you guys. MARISHA: He tried to do what he did to me! SAM: 11. MATT: So you take 11 points of psychic damage, Keyleth. Your intelligence and charisma scores become one. You cannot cast spells, activate magic items, understand language or communicate in any intelligible way. MARISHA: Okay, I take how many? 11 psychic damage? LIAM: Wow. MARISHA: So I'm at 115. TALIESIN: That's changed things, hasn't it? MATT: That's a swing cast right there. TALIESIN: You're still a player. MARISHA: I'm still going. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Don't count me out. TALIESIN: She's now just a barbarian. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Can you shift into things? TALIESIN: No. MARISHA: Well, I'm currently shifted. TALIESIN: She can't unshift. MARISHA: Casting a spell isn't considered a part of Wild Shape. MATT: Wild Shape is not casting a spell, it's an ability. She can still Wild Shape. SAM: She can still fucking Wild Shape every turn. MARISHA: It's an inherent druid nature ability, it's not a spell. LIAM: Would you know to do that in a frenzy? MATT: It's not a frenzy. MARISHA: Who, me? MATT: Scanlan. SAM: Yes. I'll duck somewhere so she can't see me. MATT: We'll say you got that far. Do you move in there? SAM: You said Feeblemind has a super long range, right? I didn't move at all. I'm going to move back over this way. MATT: We'll put you there. It's my fault for moving you. That finishes Scanlan's turn. Now the field crushes in where it should've before. That was my fault for doing it out of turn. Also, the flames burst around the chamber. Percival, where are you right now? TALIESIN: I was just inside, over here. MATT: You duck out of the way as the flames-- TALIESIN: I'm keeping an eye out. MATT: That brings us to Vax's turn. LIAM: Okay, I need to ask a question. Here it comes. MATT: My phone's starting to get low on battery. LIAM: I'm plugged in by a computer. MATT: Okay. Yes. LIAM: I'm going to use paladin attack-attack. That's good. Even better. That's 33 to hit. MATT: Percival, what's your armor class? TALIESIN: 18. That's fine. MATT: Steps and is throwing daggers from the trap door. He's inside the tower and rushed up. TALIESIN: This means I get to take my attacks. MATT: You do. After his first attack. TALIESIN: That's fine. LIAM: 38 on the first. Does he attack between my two daggers? MATT: It's his reaction. He hits as soon as your first attack hits. LIAM: 38 on the first. TALIESIN: How much? LIAM: 38. MATT: 38 points of piercing damage to you. TALIESIN: That's fine. LIAM: Some of it's psychic, but who's counting? MATT: Technically, no. You'd finish your action, which is your attack action, and then he does all of his. LIAM: Good. 25. That hit? TALIESIN: 25 hits. LIAM: That's eight. MATT: Eight points of piercing damage. LIAM: I will dump venom into it. You have to succeed a DC 15. MATT: Constitution saving throw. TALIESIN: Yeah. Like 23. MATT: Yeah, you're fine. As you throw both daggers, you watch as Percival spins around with-- which weapon? TALIESIN: I was going to use Animus. MATT: With Animus and goes for his four attacks. LIAM: Bring it. TALIESIN: I can do real attacks because this is my real-- MATT: Yeah, you were holding your action. You can spend any grit you've got. TALIESIN: This is sharpshooter. No, he's hard to hit the first time. MATT: He doesn't have that. Remember, Kerr took away his cloak a long time ago. TALIESIN: Cool. Sharpshooter. LIAM: I was going to say I peeked up, but he's sharpshooter. TALIESIN: Sharpshooter plus I'm going to do deadeye because I really want to hit this. LIAM: You've only got four chances. TALIESIN: That crits. LIAM: What'd you roll? TALIESIN: 19. LIAM: And? TALIESIN: Three. LIAM: I'll use my last Luck. You have to reroll the 19. TALIESIN: Can you do that? LIAM: Yes, I can. On attacks, yes I can. SAM: He's checking if you do it before the roll or not. MATT: No. LIAM: And it's my last Luck, so your next three are clear. Absolutely can you use Luck on other people's stuff. SAM: I am calling it now: Keyleth still wins. LIAM: And I can't remember if it's my third Luck or fourth, so we're just going to call it my fourth Luck. MATT: You roll a d20 and choose whether. LIAM: That's a two! MATT: So the first attack misses. TALIESIN: The first attack just misses? He can just negate it. MATT: He gets to choose whether you take his roll or yours. He rolled a two. LIAM: You've got three more shots. Of course you're going to shoot me. TALIESIN: I don't get my grit back, then? I already marked it, it's fine. Let's do that again. Let's twist again like we did last summer. LIAM: Good old 11 Lucks Vax. TALIESIN: That's a 26 to hit. LIAM: Sure, that hits. I'll use Uncanny Dodge on this one since I can see him. TALIESIN: 1d10 plus 1d6 psychic, which is three, four, five. LIAM: First blood. TALIESIN: Where's my brain? That's 23 points. MATT: So you take 11. TALIESIN: My third hit. Here we go. MATT: You spending another grit? TALIESIN: I'm spending another grit. Yeah, it'll be no fun. No, I'm not going to spend another grit. Still sharpshooter. That's 23 to hit. LIAM: Just hits! TALIESIN: I'm rolling so poorly. 20 points of damage, plus five psychic, so 25. LIAM: That's first blood. TALIESIN: I can't spend an action surge in this round, can I? On a held action. MATT: On your turn is how it happens. Double check for you, but I'm pretty sure. On your turn. LIAM: You've got one more shot. Come on. Draw blood. TALIESIN: I'm going to use Thunderwave instead of shooting. MATT: Thunderwave is an action, it's not an attack. TALIESIN: That's fair. I would have done that at the beginning if I would have thought about it. Same thing. 15, so that hits. 26 to hit. LIAM: Definitely. TALIESIN: That's 24 points of damage. LIAM: Gotcha. MATT: That ends your reaction. That ends your attacks. You can take the rest of your turn. LIAM: Question. Is the green beam still there? Does it do anything? Are you going to tell me later? Just throwing it out there. MATT: You can feel the warmth around you, but it's not doing anything immediately. You have to start your turn there. LIAM: Those were my two actions, right? I don't need to disengage because I'm not within melee. Right back down. That was-- okay. TALIESIN: Oh, I have to roll to see if I keep my spell. Con save. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: 25. MATT: 25 succeeds on the first one. Roll again for the second one. TALIESIN: 25. MATT: You still maintain it. That finishes Vax's turn. Keyleth, you're up. MARISHA: Do I see Vax at all? Probably not. MATT: No, you do not see Vax at all. MARISHA: I'm going to use my bonus action to turn into a water elemental and swan dive into the water. Then I'm going to swim over to the edge of the pond where Scanlan is. 90 feet. MATT: You're right over. MARISHA: Yep. I'm going to come out of the water and I'm-- SAM: How does she know where I am?! MARISHA: You fucking Feebleminded! I can still see, motherfucker! I still have eyes! I'm going to come out of the water and I'm going to attempt to whelm him. SAM: What's that even mean? Not overwhelmed, just whelmed. MARISHA: Whelm. Make a strength saving throw. SAM: A strength saving throw. Okay. These aren't good. 14. MARISHA: Failure! SAM: Can I Cutting Words? No, right? MATT: No, it's your own check. MARISHA: It's an attack. You take 2d8 bludgeoning damage. MATT: You can Cutting Words to reduce the damage if you'd like to. MARISHA: 11 plus four, so 15 damage. You are grappled and unable to breathe. SAM: Jesus! MARISHA: Do I still have movement? MATT: You do. You have about 30 feet of movement left. Probably about 20, since you did use some of your movement to get into the water. MARISHA: That's okay. I just want to take my grapple with him and my whelm and take him back under into this creek. SAM: You can do that? MARISHA: Yes. SAM: You can hit, grab, and pull all on one action? MARISHA: Whelm. It's my ability. I'm basically a big elemental and you're stuck inside of me. SAM: But like, Bigby's Hand can either hit or grab, not hit and grab and pull. TALIESIN: Bigby's Hand is not a beast. MATT: It's a different effect, unfortunately. Let me see here. TALIESIN: Yeah, I forgot to bleed you. Damn. It's okay. MATT: Yeah, you are restrained and unable to breathe. SAM: And she's pulling me away? MARISHA: I mean, you're stuck inside of me until further notice. MATT: Yeah, because you're whelmed and he's a tiny gnome, yeah. So you pull him into the water. So you're in her space currently, inside Keyleth's elemental form, unable to get out and pulled under the water. Keyleth, does that end your turn? MARISHA: Yes. MATT: Percival. MARISHA: And I'm now under the water, hiding with Scanlan inside of my belly. LIAM: You should check hoo-ha. MATT: I'm checking. TALIESIN: I assume, because he's got five billion feet of range, that he is long gone? MATT: You get the sense that he is not just beyond that door. TALIESIN: Cool. I'm going to shift to the other side of the tower, stay in the healing range, and hold my goddamn-- I'm going to run over here, stay in the little green light, hold my fucking action until I see feather. I'm up and ready. MATT: All right, that ends your turn, Percival? TALIESIN: And do I heal, since I'm in the green? MATT: No, because you started your turn out of it. The green has to be inside the center circle. TALIESIN: In that case, I'll use my bonus action to down a healing potion. MATT: Go for it. Scanlan, you're up. LIAM: Did the green beam do anything for me or did it not work? MATT: You have to start your turn in the beam in order to get the effect. SAM: So her intelligence and charisma went to one, but her wisdom still exists? Okay. Good to know. All right. Can I use verbally-based spells? MATT: We said previously that you can still cast underwater. SAM: Okay. Then I will cast underwater and cast Dimension Door. MARISHA: Aw, I knew he was going to do that! TALIESIN: Does he have to be able to talk in order to do that? SAM: We just asked that. MATT: We previously established in the kraken battle that you guys were able to cast spells underwater. That continues here. SAM: And I will, since I don't know where I am, I will bamf to a place that I do know, which is-- where would I go? Let's go to the room across the water over there. MATT: Which room? SAM: Right there, near the PacMan teleporter. Yeah. MATT: Okay. Inside the room? SAM: Yeah, closer to the water's edge, but yes. MATT: Okay, there we go. All right. At the end of your turn, the field crushes in further. It's now moving faster and faster, moving ten feet at a time. LIAM: This is the end. TALIESIN: (singing) My only friend, the end. MATT: Well no, the lightning towers would go off, but they do not because they have been slowly crushed and destroyed, eaten by the field. MARISHA: The blue? Does that mean it skips? LIAM: Yeah. I will use a bonus action to dump all my Lay on Hands back into myself. So that's the first thing. And I will-- MATT, TRAVIS, TALIESIN: Bless you. LIAM: You know, I will fucking stay put. Then I'll tell you. MATT: Okay. Keyleth, your turn. MARISHA: It's my turn already? Okay. MATT: The numbers are getting down and half the party's just staying in place, doing nothing, so your turn. TRAVIS: Especially one of them. MARISHA: Okay, I pop my head out of the water. Do I see anybody? MATT: Currently, no. You are alone on the battlefield. MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to switch to an earth elemental. I'm going to come out of the water. I'm going to walk over to the edge of the tower. I'm going to be like, fuck whoever's in this shit! And go boom, and start bringing this tower down with my Siege Monster. MATT: Go ahead and roll an attack against the tower. MARISHA: Do I have to roll to hit still? MATT: Yes, you do. MARISHA: First attack, 14. MATT: 14 hits. It's an easy-to-hit tower. Go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: Okay, that's 2d8 plus five. MATT: You get two slam attacks? MARISHA: I do. That's 15, wait. Yes. 15 damage, doubled, right? So 30? And then second attack. Much better than that. It was a natural 12, so plus eight. So 20. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Yeah! MATT: So Percival, you feel this impact on the tower. What's going on? (impact) As the back half of it begins to crumble and collapse backwards. TALIESIN: All right. I can't use any of my held action to run, because that was not my intention. MATT: No. This all begins to fall and crumble. Oh man, this is going to be interesting. We'll say for the purposes of this, I'll turn it this way. Yeah, it's all falling apart at this point, which works fine. MARISHA: Fuck all y'all! I'm stupid and angry! TALIESIN: Regardless, my reaction will be to run away from where it's falling. MATT: Yeah, this is all just falling down. There is a little bit of this that's still hanging on there. Large portion of the tower is collapsed and is unusable. Percival, you crumble and slide off and fall into the ground. TALIESIN: Shoes. MATT: I know. You're attaching to it as it falls so go ahead-- Are you just staying onto it? TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm holding on for dear life. MATT: All right. So you do not make an acrobatics check and it crumbles beneath you. The rocks begin to grind and tear into you as you fall in with it. TALIESIN: Okay, so I wouldn't try and dodge? I don't get a dodge for any of that? MATT: Not if you're adhering to it and it collapses inward. TALIESIN: Oh, I mean, I didn't know the situation. I was just trying to be safe. MATT: Okay. It's falling back and then crumbling inwards. TALIESIN: Oh yeah, no, no, no. MATT: Make an acrobatics check. TALIESIN: Okay, sorry, yeah. I thought it was like surfing. MATT: You were for a moment, and then it all collapsed. TALIESIN: Acrobatics check? Come on. Oh yeah! 28! MATT: 28? Okay, yeah. So you manage to only suffer four points of bludgeoning damage and you land, not prone, as you ride it down and are standing there on the side, with an angry earth elemental now slamming into the sides of it. TALIESIN: 25 constitution saving throw. MATT: Okay. Keyleth, you do suffer 22 points of bludgeoning damage from the tower pieces collapsing down upon and around you. Reduced by half, because you're an earth elemental. TALIESIN: Do I see Vax at any point? MATT: Nope. TALIESIN: Do I see Scanlan at any point? MATT: Nope. TALIESIN: Okay. MATT: Actually, yeah, you would see Scanlan. TALIESIN: Can I take my shots? MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: All right. SAM: How many? TALIESIN: Three. Four! Ha. SAM: He sees me?! Through all that fucking rubble? MATT: Well, he rode it down to the ground and made an acrobatics check to stop, and you're not hidden. SAM: I'm dead. TALIESIN: First one is sharpshooter to hit. Nope. I take damage. MATT: A misfire? TALIESIN: That's a misfire. MATT: The first shot's a misfire. Scanlan, don't give up yet. TALIESIN: So that's four points of psychic damage to me, because I have half saved. Add that. That's 92 now, is what I'm at. And then, fuck Animus. I'm going to the Retort gun for the moment. MATT: Okay, so you swap out to Retort. Second attack. MARISHA: Oh, boo! TALIESIN: Retort's down. MATT: He goes to fire, (fizzling). Pulls the second gun, (misfire). SAM: I hold up my gun and say, Need one, motherfucker? TALIESIN: I can't hear you. And I pull out my last shot. This is my last shot because I've burned everything. MATT: This is Bad News? TALIESIN: Yeah. And that's, come on, don't do this to me. Oh, at least it's a hit. 19. MATT: 19. Scanlan, what's your AC? SAM: I'm going to Cutting Words that with my little taunt and reduce it by-- TALIESIN: I can't hear him, but okay. SAM: Oh, that's true. Never mind. Well, then I'll Cutting Words the damage. You can do that, right? MATT: I think the target of the attack has to be the target of the Cutting Words. Because yeah, it reduces the damage because you fuck with them. SAM: Okay. Well, then you hit. TALIESIN: It's not going to be a bad hit. SAM: They're all bad hits. Massive hit. MARISHA: That was so good! TALIESIN: 29 points of damage. MATT: You know what? "Use your wit to confuse-- a creature that you can see within 60 feet of you makes an attack roll." TALIESIN: Technically, I guess he could do a visual thing. MATT: I'll let you do it. So before you put the damage down, go ahead and roll. SAM: It's going to have to be a really good roll. MATT: We'll see. SAM: Nope. MATT: It's a d12. SAM: Oh, it's a d12! I've been doing d8s this whole time! MATT: d12, man. TALIESIN: Oh, it's even worse! SAM: One. MATT: Yeah, so take the damage. The shot blasts into your shoulder. You see the blood erupt from you. You've been hit by this before. SAM: Ow! Ow! MARISHA: Did you not realize? LIAM: I'm using a Sharpie, yeah. TALIESIN: Too late now, anyway! Yeah, I know, it's like, we might as well burn it. We're burning it. MATT: Percival, that ends your turn? Scanlan. TALIESIN: Yeah. Oh, I mean, no, that's not my turn. That was my reaction. MATT: Right, because Keyleth brought it down. TALIESIN: Yeah, so it's Keyleth's turn. Sorry. MATT: Right, because you were waiting-- TALIESIN: I was holding my attack until I saw people. MATT: Right. Okay. So that brings us to the top of the round. Percy, it's your turn. SAM: What?! He can hold three attacks? MATT: Well, he held his action to attack as soon as he saw somebody, and he saw you and Keyleth. He attacked you. SAM: And one attack is three? MATT: Four attacks. A 20th-level fighter, it's their thing. MARISHA: It's what fighters do. TALIESIN: Just barely fixed my gun. Barely. MATT: All right, so that's your action. TALIESIN: And now I'm going to do an action surge. MATT: Okay. So you fixed which one? Animus? SAM: He's going to shoot me eight times! TALIESIN: Shot number one with grit, because I'm a little nervous about this. 26. I didn't call sharpshooter, so I'm just going to call that 31 to hit. MATT: Okay. That hits. TALIESIN: That hits. 1d10 plus 1d6. That was terrible. 11 points of damage. SAM: Sure, yeah. MATT: Next attack? Second? TALIESIN: So I'm all out of grit now. That's nice. Attack number two is 28. MATT: Hits. Roll damage. TALIESIN: Oh, that's better. 17 points of damage. SAM: I will Cutting Words. Top of the round, I get my reaction back. MATT: It hasn't come back to your turn. SAM: Then I'm dead. MATT: Scanlan goes unconscious with that second hit. TALIESIN: Cool. I still have two attacks? I'm going to take my movement to run over to him. TRAVIS: Shove a healing potion in his mouth. TALIESIN: That's as far as I can go? MATT: It's water and you're walking through water right now. TALIESIN: That water freaks me out. I don't want to quite step in that water. MATT: So you could stay up, over here. TALIESIN: Yeah, just over there. Keep me up on the little bit because I don't want Keyleth to see me, because she's scary. MATT: I mean, she can see you. You're not hiding from her. She's this giant behemoth. TALIESIN: Okay, I would like to curl a little bit then out of her range of vision. MATT: You're out of movement right there. That's as far as you will get. MARISHA: I know exactly where you are. TALIESIN: I know. MATT: And she can sense it. She feels the footfalls. TALIESIN: I have two more shots? All right, I'm taking a shot-- actually, unconscious, I don't get grit back? It's death I get grit back. All right, so, taking another-- but when he dies I get a grit. MATT: Okay. He's prone, technically, so you have disadvantage on the attack. TALIESIN: Oh, well then, hm. Fuck it, then. I'll hold my attacks and use my bonus action to do a heal. SAM: On me? TALIESIN: No, on me. SAM: Aw. TALIESIN: Yeah, so I'm done. I'm just getting my 1d10. MATT: Scanlan, I need you to make a death saving throw, please. SAM: 17. MATT: All right, so that's one success. Keep that in mind. All right. TALIESIN: 22 back. MATT: The fields (crushing). Another ten feet. I'm using this to mark how deep in it's getting now. So we'll say there. TALIESIN: So that's 194. I'm back up to 194. MATT: Also, the water, which is now filled with bits of broken stone, however still sets off. TALIESIN: That's why I didn't step in it. MARISHA: That's a good call. MATT: That brings us to your turn. LIAM: So from my hidden position, I would like to use ten or 15 feet of movement, whatever I would need to peek out and throw Whisper at Percival's face. TALIESIN: How would he even know where I am? LIAM: Well, I would peek out. I'm looking around and I know that I would see you. I was in here and I'm hidden. MATT: Well, you were hidden until you attacked, which revealed you there. LIAM: Isn't it a sneak attack from a hidden position? MATT: It is, but once you hit him, he sees you. This is just for placement. I want to put you on the field once or twice this battle! LIAM: I know! So I'm using Whisper. That's good, that's a 25 to hit. TALIESIN: That hits. LIAM: I'll bamf to him as I do it. It's sneak attack damage. That is nine plus that is 11. Plus all these guys. TALIESIN: None of this is magic, is it? LIAM: Some of it's psychic. MATT: Unfortunately, all the big spellcasters are either down or can't cast spells. LIAM: That's 40 points of damage. And this is my paladin attack, so that was one. I'm going to use the other attack with Whisper, I've still got it, to throw it at Keyleth's face. Which I will do. That definitely hits. That is a 31. Right. So not a lot of damage, though. (counting) That's 15 of damage. That was maybe 15 feet of movement, paladin attack-attack and I say: Oh! MATT: Did you bamf to her as well? LIAM: Yeah. It really pains me. It really does. I use bonus action to disengage. I have most of my original movement and hasted action left. Disengage. You guys don't know where I went. MARISHA: You disengaged? LIAM: Yeah. SAM: You know what I would have done on the third attack? First blood. You did a lot of nothing damage to both of them and then hid. MARISHA: Kind of. MATT: That ends your turn. Keyleth, you're up. MARISHA: Do I see Percy? Oh wait, I can feel him. MATT: You can feel him, yes. SAM: You'll never win, Vax! Scanlan from the grave! TALIESIN: I'm going to point out, by the way, I don't think I've actually attacked you. MARISHA: Me? TALIESIN: Yeah. Just saying. MARISHA: Are you thinking that's going to save you? TALIESIN: No. MARISHA: Okay. TALIESIN: I'm making plans. MARISHA: What do I want to do with you? TALIESIN: That is a question. MARISHA: That is such a question. What's next? Next is the fire, right? Oh. Hang on. MATT: Keyleth, top of your turn. You feel two footfalls very gently in the rubble on the other side of the tower. MARISHA: Can I make my way to them? MATT: If you'd like to. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: What's your movement here? MARISHA: Here's the question. Since I know kind of where he is, can I use my bonus action to turn into a fire elemental and go to him? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: I'm going to do that. My fire elemental movement is 50 feet. TALIESIN: She looks like she's about to fire a mortar into a compound. MATT: You, moving 50 feet, through the rubble, since you can move through small spaces, right? MARISHA: Uh-huh. Actually, shit, I didn't mean fire. I meant water. If that's doable. It's fine. I already called it. MATT: If you want to do water elemental, you can. MARISHA: No, I already called it. MATT: Okay. Fire elemental. You (counting). Vax. You were hiding up in the rubble. LIAM: That's not where I am. I just sent it to you. You asked me and I told you. MATT: You sent me two pictures. LIAM: You asked for clarification. I give it to you. So no one would see me as you put me where I am. Why would she be able to go in there? MATT: She knows exactly where you are and as a fire elemental, she can dodge between cracks. LIAM: Did she run out of movement, though? MARISHA: I have 50 feet, yo. LIAM: Kill me. MARISHA: So pouty! LIAM: I knew it was going to happen! MATT: As you're sitting there hiding, there's a bright light and there's a slight crevasse between the rocks as a flaming burst of fire elemental Keyleth emerges to assault you. What're you doing? MARISHA: First, I'm going to enter your space immediately and you take 1d10 fire damage and you catch on fire. Seven damage. Two touch attacks. I'm doing both attacks at once here. First attack is 22. LIAM: Nope. MARISHA: Second attack doesn't hit either, then. MATT: She swipes with one fire claw, you barely dodge out of the way. A second one hits the stone behind you as you duck low. TALIESIN: But he's on fire. MARISHA: But you're on fire. LIAM: Tonight in this game. MARISHA: Do I have any more movement? MATT: It took you most of your movement to get there. You have five feet of movement. MARISHA: Can I move through this crack on the other side here? MATT: I'll allow it. MARISHA: Sorry, boom mics. MATT: With the rubble and everything in here... Ending Keyleth's turn, Percival, you're up. TALIESIN: I'm making a mad dash for Scanlan. MATT: Okay. (counting) TALIESIN: I can't make a jump to see if I can get a little further across there? MATT: What's your strength? TALIESIN: My strength sucks. My strength is 12. MATT: You jump and land. You're up to your chest in water. TALIESIN: I'm going to use the rest of my action to continue to run towards Scanlan. MATT: You're going to use an action to dash? TALIESIN: Use an action to dash. Can I get a little further, or is that as far as I can get? MATT: Maybe five more feet. TALIESIN: I want to be on the other side of him, if that's okay. MATT: You can get to there. TALIESIN: That'll do. MATT: That's your turn? TALIESIN: That's my turn. MATT: Scanlan. Death saving throw. SAM: 11. MATT: You're fine. That's two successes. The field crushes in further. Slowly pushing in. At this point, by the way, so you're aware, Percival. TALIESIN: I thought I had a little bit of room. MATT: You have a little bit, this whole chamber. Let me use this to mark it here. That's where it's closing in. Closer and closer. Vax, your turn. MARISHA: Wait, when is it the top of the round? MATT: It just went. That was Percival. MARISHA: Did the torches go, or no? MATT: No, they go after Scanlan's turn, now, the field. You're right. Thank you for the reminder. TALIESIN: Hey, look at that! MARISHA: Sorry, I'm totally helping the DM. TALIESIN: No, you're killing Vax! Well done! MATT: Valid point. The area around the tower ignites in flame. You're immune to fire, Keyleth. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw. LIAM: Right. I get advantage. 29. MATT: That's a success. You take no damage because of evasion. MARISHA: Ballsacks. LIAM: Is it my turn? MATT: Your turn. LIAM: I'm separated with a wall from her a little bit. MATT: Slight gap in the wall. LIAM: I'm going to skitter five or ten feet. I know she can hear me, but he can't. Then I'm going to use a little more movement. This looks like a hole, so I'll floof out to about here. I'll paladin attack-attack Percival from the air over the water. Yeah. Oh, that's not very good. That's 18. TALIESIN: That's my armor class. LIAM: Hits. The second attack is not, so it doesn't hit, but the first one does and it's sneak attack. That's 18 plus these guys. Here we go. (counting) 40. MATT: 40 points of piercing damage to you. LIAM: One attack hit, one missed. I used bonus action to hide, a little bit of movement to get here, attack-attack. So I have hasted action and a lot more movement left. I'll use the rest of my base movement to go. I will tell you where I'm going. SAM: You're going to heal me. LIAM: Mm-hmm. MATT: Ending Vax's turn. Keyleth, you're up. MARISHA: Okay. Blue, that's gone. I know he's around here somewhere, yeah? Over around this side. MATT: Yes. You felt a little (clicking). MARISHA: Can I jump into the water and swim around as a water elemental and see if I can get to this other side? MATT: You turn into a water elemental. MARISHA: This might not be the best call. If I get around here, can I poke my head up and see if I find him? MATT: I have to wait to find out. MARISHA: I just projected where I was going to be, though, he could just change his fucking mind! LIAM: He projected my position four times tonight. It's just the nature of the game, man. TALIESIN: Yeah. MARISHA: Don't sext him while you're at it! Jesus! SAM: The new campaign will be all texts. MATT: Never mind. You felt no (clicking). Instead, he just disappeared from sight. You saw him go this direction, but you have no idea where he is. Do you want to remain fire elemental? MARISHA: Well, I was jumping into water elemental to go around, but if I don't feel him land, then I'll go earth elemental. Let me start stomping up and over and seeing what I see. MATT: Sure. I'll let you step up over rough terrain. MARISHA: (grumbling) MATT: Dashing through. MARISHA: Okay. Do I see anything? Do I see any flying asshole rogues? MATT: You don't see anything. LIAM: It's my only mechanic. MATT: Percival. MARISHA: It's a good mechanic! TALIESIN: This is probably the best use of this. I'm going to use my action surge. I'm going to hold my action, but I'm going to use my action surge. I can use an action surge instead of holding my action. Just to stab this fucker three times. MARISHA: Brutal! MATT: The first attack. Roll an attack with advantage because he's on the ground. SAM: I'm prone. I get half! MATT: Only against ranged attacks. TALIESIN: 29. MATT: That hits. It's an auto-crit. You fail two death saving throws. TALIESIN: Here goes the second one. 29. MATT: And with that, you shank Scanlan. TALIESIN: Oh look, I get a grit back. MATT: Scanlan bleeds out. SAM: Who will tell my story? TALIESIN, TRAVIS: Not me. TALIESIN: I'm not proud of this. I'm never telling anyone. I'm like: I don't know, he ran off. I am going to move out into this direction over here because I know the walls are caving in. I have 30 movement. I'm going to move right over here to start getting out of the way. MATT: Over where? TALIESIN: Around the corner. MATT: The wall's up against there. TALIESIN: In that case, I'll head that direction. (counting) I'm holding my action for the second I see anyone start to fuck with me. MATT: You already used your action. TALIESIN: That was my action surge. MATT: Oh. Action surge first. You hold your action in case you see anything. MARISHA: That's a good idea. TALIESIN: I can do a lot of damage now. MATT: End of Percival's turn. TALIESIN: Just have to bet that I can plow damage. MATT: The water bursts with magical energy. No, it was fire last time, so now it's lightning. Blue things are gone, nothing happens. Also, it crushes in once more. Bringing us to there. Currently, the walls have crushed in. TALIESIN: I always knew it would be the three of us. SAM: You did? TALIESIN: No. I just always wanted to say that. LIAM: You always said it would be Grog and Keyleth. MARISHA: Yeah, I thought it was going to be me and Grog again. TRAVIS: With all the magic that I have? TALIESIN: If you had gotten your hands on anybody-- MARISHA: Yeah, if you had closed the gap, that's it. That's down for any of us. TRAVIS: Disengage. Shift. Element. You just (poof) right out of it. TALIESIN: And also, can I mention, isn't he still on fire? Make it harder to-- LIAM: Matt. One. MATT: One. Okay. So, couple things. One, roll 1d10 fire damage, Marisha, by the way. TALIESIN: Thank you. Lead him out. MARISHA: Nine. MATT: Technically twice, since you didn't do it last turn, right? LIAM: I was about to say, I didn't stop drop and roll or anything. Literally about to say. MATT: It's an action to put it out. LIAM: Yeah, so I didn't do it. MATT: So, nine fire damage, and then roll again. MARISHA: So nine now, and then another four. So, 13. LIAM: 13. Got it. MATT: And then you fail your constitution saving throw as the wall slams into you, pushing you back. Oof. You take 28 points of force damage, and you are thrown, prone onto the ground right there. LIAM: Great. MATT: That ends that turn. Vax, your turn. LIAM: Okay. I will use movement to get up. MATT: Half your movement. LIAM: Half my, 60 feet of movement to stand up, got it. And I will fly low along the ground-- MATT: Also Vax-- LIAM: Are the boots off? MATT: The boots are off. LIAM: Okay. So it's not 60, the wings are up, so 30 feet to get up. MATT: Correct. TALIESIN: Oh, thank god. LIAM: 30 feet to get about-- I don't know, can I perch there? Flying low? I should be within 60 feet of Kiki, and I have Vow of Enmity still, so I will attack-attack-attack. MATT: Yeah, you can barely see her. You just barely have her in range. Percy. You watch as he glides in the air-- TALIESIN: Oh, hey, I got a shot! LIAM: This is here, this is here. There's a gap there? TALIESIN: Yeah, but you wouldn't have flown up to your perch. LIAM: Okay. TALIESIN: I will take my shot. MARISHA: Out of the shadows, boy! LIAM: Everybody hates me. MATT: Everybody hates each other! TALIESIN: First shot. MARISHA: As the internet said earlier, we're really bad at shit-talking each other. Just embrace it. TALIESIN: First shot, I'm burning my grit for a Sharpshooter. MATT: She's been Feebleminded! Don't play Woe is Me! TALIESIN: Going to burn my grit for a Sharpshooter in hopes of really doing some damage. MATT: He got Plane Shifted, he got shanked by Percival! You're doing all right! TRAVIS: First time we've seen you in three hours and 45 minutes. TALIESIN: 25 to hit. LIAM: That probably hits a lot. SAM: First blood! TALIESIN: Here, I'm using good dice for this. Oh yeah. 28 plus six psychic, so 34 points of damage. LIAM: I can use Uncanny Dodge on that, since I can see him if he can see me. MATT: Correct. LIAM: So, half that. TALIESIN: Half of 34. MATT: That would be 17. Next attack? TALIESIN: Next attack. MARISHA: Kill him! TALIESIN: Oh, goddamn it. Animus is down. That was a 20. Bad News comes out. That's a third attack. Come on, Gil. MARISHA: Is that a crit? TALIESIN: No, it's not a crit. MARISHA: Damn it, so close. TALIESIN: That's a 27 to hit. LIAM: Yeah, you're good. TALIESIN: Where are my dice for that? MARISHA: Not that I'm cheering on for your death or anything. LIAM: Yes, you are. MARISHA: I'm just excited. I'm excitable. TALIESIN: That's 26 points of damage. MATT: 26 points of piercing damage. TALIESIN: I can't use a bonus to reload, can I? MATT: Nope. Not your turn. TALIESIN: So I just reloaded. All right. MATT: So your last attack is to reload. SAM: I cast Slowly Decompose. TRAVIS: I cast Waterlogged. MATT: Okay, so now you land there, and can make your attacks on him. LIAM: It's still my turn. Oh, wow, that's amazing. MATT: Yep. That was his reaction. LIAM: Dagger dagger dagger. Yeah, that's a 30 to hit. Oh, it doesn't matter, because I've got Vow of Enmity up. I was going to say am I still hidden, but I've got Vow of Enmity. That is sneak attack on that. That's 30. MARISHA: Oh, Scanlan! We could have been pit fiends together! But I got Feebleminded! Oh no! And you died! We waited too long! MATT: I had these minions at the ready, just in case! SAM: Aww! MARISHA: We were going to be awesome! TRAVIS: That would've been fun. MATT: I know. Pit fiend on a full melee round against a single target can do an average of 115 hit points of damage and lock down healing. LIAM: 44 on the first. MARISHA: Damage? LIAM: 44 damage on the first? Does 18 hit? MARISHA: Yes. Pretty much everything hits these motherfuckers. LIAM: You get ten on that. 28 on the third, also hits. That is 12 on the third. MATT: You've used all your movement. LIAM: Yeah, I'm done because I'm not hasted any more. I used half to stand up and the other half to get there. I used-- it's complicated, folks. Paladin attack-attack and bonus to do a third attack. So I'm done. MATT: Keyleth, your turn. MARISHA: All right! Let's dance! I jump. As I jump, I'm going to turn into a water elemental. Ker-splash. Then use my movement speed to come up. I'm going to try to whelm Vax. MATT: A leap there would be 20 feet of movement. MARISHA: With my dope mantle. LIAM: She's not so dumb that she thinks she's an earth elemental forever? MARISHA: I'm an archdruid! LIAM: You have an intelligence of one. MATT: Marisha, technically your mantle isn't on you right now because you're in elemental form. MARISHA: Beast Shape says that anything that's on me absorbs into me. MATT: Absorbs into your form. MARISHA: And elemental is my form. MATT: But you're not getting your ring of protection bonus, you're not getting your other elements that you have in physical form. They stay within you so when you transform back, the effects return, but you don't get the Jump ability. What's the strength of this guy? MARISHA: 20 strength. MATT: Oh yeah. LIAM: Suddenly, five rules lawyers around the table. MATT: Water elemental there. I'll say half your movement to get into the water, the jump. Turn into a water elemental. MARISHA: How much speed do I have left? MATT: Half of your swim speed. MARISHA: So 45. Can I get to Vax? MATT: (counting) LIAM: Oh, difficult terrain! MARISHA: I can swim! I'm a fucking water elemental! MATT: You're just in melee range with him. MARISHA: Blub blub blub! Whelm again. MATT: Do you have to move into his space for whelm? MARISHA: Each creature in the elemental's space. So yes. MATT: He's unfortunately just out. MARISHA: Then I'll do my two slam attacks. Bam bam. TALIESIN: He's low, man. MATT: You're just out of range for being whelmed, so that's good. SAM: Weirdly, taking away all of Keyleth's intelligence has made her a more effective fighter. MARISHA: 20. Misses. I've got to roll high in order to actually get you. That's even better! 25! MATT: Roll damage. MARISHA: Roll, baby! 17 points of damage. LIAM: Uncanny dodge. TRAVIS: So casual. MATT: You take eight points of bludgeoning damage from the water. MARISHA: Okay. That's it. MATT: That brings us to Percival. TALIESIN: I'm going to try and fix my gun with my roll. MATT: This is your action. TALIESIN: And boy that does it. SAM: It's so fixed. TALIESIN: Sometimes it'll really break. I'm going to make my way up on top of that tower. MATT: Right there? TALIESIN: Yeah. A little closer. MATT: Just so you know, the force field is right there. TALIESIN: Oh, never mind. I thought it was a little further back. I'm going to try to cross the water and get back to the other side of the water again. MATT: (counting) Right there. TALIESIN: That'll do it. Just let the two of them settle their differences. MARISHA: Not a bad call. MATT: Now, the energy fields burst with purple energy. MARISHA: Was so hoping I was going to have Vax in that water. MATT: Actually, they don't! They've been destroyed by the fields, so they do not have an effect any more. MARISHA: It's just us kids. MATT: Which saves you because that would have knocked out your form. However, the fields move in further, completely destroying this here. TALIESIN: I am so excited by this. LIAM: I'm going to be dead. I'm a dead man. MATT: This all goes away. Just the edge of the water now. We're in on this area now. Vax, it's your turn. LIAM: I would like to paladin attack Keyleth with Vow of Enmity twice. The first one is a natural 20. Let's just calculate that, shall we? That's one. Get all the dice first. (counting) Not that great, actually. That is 58 for the first attack. MATT: 58 damage to your water elemental. MARISHA: Wait, is that magical? No, it's straight damage, right? LIAM: Eight psychic and double on all the dice. MATT: Magical dagger attacks, so you do not resist. MARISHA: What was the first one, 56? LIAM: 58. MARISHA: That's not right, either! No, that is right. MATT: You can't see Percival. MARISHA: What was the other one? LIAM: 14. SAM: Can't be done! Don't you get it? The math's not there! You have to deliver more than 200 points of damage in a single round to kill her! You can't do it without us! The math is not there! LIAM: So that was paladin attack-attack. I'll use disengage. TRAVIS: Fly into the wall. Do it. Burn yourself up, every inch. LIAM: I don't want to do the phone thing. I'm going to fly 60 feet, but Percy doesn't see me. She does. I fly to about here. 60 feet. I'm on the other side of this tower. MATT: You disengaged from her. LIAM: Disengage and then my movement of 60 feet. MATT: All right. That ends Vax's turn. Keyleth, you're up. LIAM: Here she comes. MARISHA: Yep! I'm going for that motherfucker right there! LIAM: Percy would have shot me out of it. I stay low. MATT: Technically, on that side, there is no water there. This is all gone. This has all been eaten away. You'd have to get up onto the land there. MARISHA: Then let me go earth elemental and walk on over to him. MATT: You can move partially. MARISHA: There we go. MATT: That's as far as you can right there. MARISHA: Total? I can't get any further? MATT: Nope. With a 30 feet speed for an earth elemental, right? MARISHA: Yes. MATT: That's as close as you can get. MARISHA: Okay. Yeah. MATT: That's your turn? You still have an action. MARISHA: There's nothing I can do as an earth elemental with Feeblemind. MATT: You can use your action to dash towards him if you wanted to. MARISHA: Sure. I'll get right up in his face. I can't grapple him? I can't do anything? MATT: The field's up against there, so technically he had to fly around and land. LIAM: Is it just this island left now, Matt? MATT: Yep! MARISHA: Okay, wait. Is it all the way up into here? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Sorry. I don't mean to retroact things. If that's the case, can I do an air elemental and fly over? MATT: Sure, you can do that. TALIESIN: This system's a little confusing. MATT: I know, my apologies. TALIESIN: You're doing great. LIAM: We're vamping. MARISHA: In that case, let me do a fire elemental, if that's okay, and then I'll go 50 feet. I've got 50 feet of movement and I can move through one-inch spaces. MATT: You can just get up to where he is. MARISHA: Can I get in his space and catch him on fire immediately? TALIESIN: He's already on fire still. LIAM: It's your third try at a form, dude. MARISHA: Are you still on fire? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Should I have rolled again? MATT: You should have taken damage last turn. LIAM: I'm probably down, then. MARISHA: Six points of damage. LIAM: I'm unconscious. MATT: As you land-- TALIESIN: You can burn him out. MATT: He's smoldering on the ground. You go over to where Vax is, and he's just burning. His unconscious body is burning. MARISHA: I go: Hey, Scanlan, I found him! I found Vax! Scanlan? MATT: You look over and see on the field that's pushing forward, there's a Scanlan corpse being rolled as it shoves him closer onto the battlefield. SAM: First! Blood! LIAM: Is there water? The water's gone. MATT: The water's over here. We'll put you there. MARISHA: He's on fire. MATT: Percy, your turn. MARISHA: I can still attack him. MATT: The corpse? Yeah, you can. Go for it. LIAM: I thought you used all your shit to get there. MARISHA: No, I just walked there. LIAM: Okay, cool. SAM: And Grog just suffocated. MATT: Nah, he's got constitution for days. He's got five more minutes on this shit. MARISHA: What do I have to roll to hit him, by the way? He's down and unconscious, so do I have to roll? LIAM: It's two death saves per. MATT: Melee, you have advantage to attack him. LIAM: I'm not going to dodge sleeping. TALIESIN: You're literally sitting on him. You're going to burn him. MARISHA: Yeah, both of my attacks hit. MATT: His body incinerates. MARISHA: I just sit on him, I'm like: Sorry! MATT: Yeah, each time. SAM: Oh, each time and she hit him twice? MATT: Hit him twice. So Vax's body burns away. LIAM: I'm two out of three. She's got to hit me one more time. MATT: Oh, that was just the first hit? I thought you hit him with both. MARISHA: I hit him twice. LIAM: Oh, so the first one's two. Peace! MATT: Both attacks. You're incinerated. TALIESIN: I'm a little fucked, but we'll see how this goes. SAM: A little?! You. Can't. Win! MARISHA: Sorry, boo. TALIESIN: It's okay. Do you have the sensory? Anytime you turn to rock, you can tell where I am, so it doesn't really matter. I'm going to drop Silence. I'm going to use my bonus action to cast. Can I see her? MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: I'm casting Hex. I'm taking three shots from where I'm standing with Animus. MATT: Not four? TALIESIN: Four, god, I'm just getting used to it. Four sharpshooter. Number one is 19 to hit. MARISHA: Hit. I'm really easy to hit. TALIESIN: Oh shit, that's pretty good. That's 27 normal points of damage. Five psychic and five necrotic. MARISHA: So 37 total? TALIESIN: Yeah. MARISHA: What's the first one, is it piercing? TALIESIN: Piercing. MARISHA: Which I take half of because it's not magical. MATT: It is magical because you're shooting with Animus. TALIESIN: Oh, so I don't have to break this up. This is magical damage. MARISHA: So 37 total? Okay. TALIESIN: Shot number two. Come on, man, this is all I need. Fucking fuck fuck. I take two psychic damage as it jams. I'm jamming a lot. SAM: I'm jamming! TALIESIN: Shot number three is Bad News, which is not magic. SAM: We jamming! TALIESIN: 25 to hit. MATT: That hits. TALIESIN: It's not awesome because you take half damage because it's piercing. LIAM: First blood. TALIESIN: It's 26 points of piercing damage. MATT: Plus d6 necrotic. So 13. TALIESIN: Plus one necrotic. MATT: 14 points of damage. TALIESIN: I'm going to run up the tower. No, straight up the tower. Spider boots. MATT: I know, there's fire there. You get there. TALIESIN: I want to get out of the way of the fire when it finally rolls. Trying to get inside of it. SAM: Can you get to the middle and stay there until the whole island kills her? MARISHA: I mean, I can do that too. MATT: End of Percy's turn. The field crushes in even further, which unfortunately does hit you, Keyleth. You get pushed in. Make a constitution saving throw. MARISHA: Just a straight con save? Don't fuck me, Gil. That's good. 20 total. MATT: 20, okay. You do succeed. So you take, wow that's a good roll. Six, six, six, six, five, two, four. No, against you. 29 divided, so that's 14 points of force damage. You're now being crushed into the rubble and pushed up the top of it. MARISHA: Okay. SAM: Would you say she's jamming? Into the wall? MATT: She's jamming pretty hard into that wall. MARISHA: Whose turn is it? MATT: That is the field's turn over. It's Keyleth's turn. You're up. MARISHA: So wait, what did the field just do? MATT: It's crushing you guys inward. MARISHA: Did it do the torch or did the torch already happen? MATT: The torch unfortunately could not because the territory that it would be on-- I mean, the torch goes off, I would say, but you're immune to fire and Percival's out of the way, and only part of it is currently available. It's crushing it very tight. MARISHA: Cool. Cool cool cool. TALIESIN: And you took damage from the force field. MATT: So it's your turn, Keyleth. MARISHA: I'm going to go earth elemental. TALIESIN: Goddamn it. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Oh yeah! I'm going to jump all over, Kool-Aid man style, do a big old fatty jump leap. Or, if I can get to Percy? MATT: You won't get to him with your movement, unfortunately, because there's a lot of rubble in the way. MARISHA: Okay. I can't jump over it? MATT: You do, but your movement-- You can't jump more than you can move when you don't have the cloak on. MARISHA: Am I within ten feet of him? MATT: He's about 15 feet from you. MARISHA: Fuck! Okay. That's it, then. MATT: All right. Percival, you're up. TALIESIN: I'm going to try and fix my gun because it's the only chance I have. Oh, just barely makes it. Yep. And then, since I don't have an attack, man, there's nothing I can do. I'm going to run on the outskirts on the outside of the tower, behind, and get some cover. MATT: Here? TALIESIN: Yeah, on the wall. I'm literally on the wall. It won't crush next round, will it? I mean, at current rate, I'm not doing anything dumb? I mean, I would know, though, if it's been going at-- MATT: You get the sense that, on this side, it will, but not on this side-- TALIESIN: So yeah. MATT: End of Percival's turn, it crushes in again. Now keeping tabs on where it lies. There is the edge. There, and then on this side, it's right up against you, Percival. SAM: It's cramming! MATT: Keyleth, your turn. MARISHA: Can I move five feet to reach him? MATT: Yeah. You can get up on top there and bash downward, essentially. SAM: Do it! MARISHA: He still has a decent amount of hit points, though. SAM: Yeah, but you can draw first blood. MARISHA: This is a force wall. If I throw him into it, it's going to suck? TALIESIN: It's not that bad. I've hit it three times already. MATT: Yeah, him and Grog have been thrown into it a few times earlier. SAM: Crush him! MARISHA: Okay, can I grapple him and pummel the shit out of him? MATT: Yeah, if you want to grapple with the first attack. MARISHA: I'm going to grapple with the first attack. MATT: All right, I need you both to make athletics checks, please. SAM: That's you. TALIESIN: Yep. MARISHA: Don't fuck me, Gil! That's not bad. TALIESIN: I'm seven. MARISHA: 19. MATT: So the first attack, she reaches down and grabs you. Now, the giant elemental form has wrapped its fingers around your shoulders and torso. You're unable to move from the spot. MARISHA: Do one more attack on him. Do I get advantage on the grappling? MATT: Your movement is zero. Hm? Your next attack, you attack him. You don't get advantage. MARISHA: I just attack him? Not good. Sorry, 12. TALIESIN: That won't hit me. MATT: Nope, so you're held there in space. Percival. TALIESIN: Thunderwave, 5th-level. SAM: You can do 5th-level spells? TALIESIN: Yep. SAM: Damn! MATT: Thunderwave from which one? TALIESIN: From my Stone King Cincture. MATT: That's true. All righty. So go ahead and make, what's the saving throw on that? TALIESIN: DC 16. MATT: DC 16 constitution. Go ahead and make a constitution saving throw, Keyleth. MARISHA: Saved with a natural 18. SAM: It's 6d8 halved thunder damage. MATT: And she gets pushed, or does she not get pushed? SAM: No. Because she saved, she doesn't get pushed. MATT: Okay, so still grappled. TALIESIN: 6d8? All right. Halved. (counting) 29 halved. MATT: Right, so 14. End of your turn, Percival? TALIESIN: That counts as a whole attack, doesn't it? Then I'm going to run-- I can't. She's got me. I can't even attempt to break free. MATT: Actually, you could have, but you spent it to cast Thunderwave. It would've if she had failed the save. TALIESIN: I don't get to add a d6 to that of hex damage, do I? MATT: Technically you do, yeah. TALIESIN: Hey, six points of necrotic. LIAM: Oh no, she's down to 106. SAM: Until the next turn. TALIESIN: I'm still higher. MARISHA: You are still higher. TALIESIN: Actually, no, I'm not. Never mind. I'm at 107. So yeah! One point higher. MATT: Percival, top of your turn. This side stops closing in. This side does. Percy, you are now being smashed between the wall of the tower and the field as she's holding you in space. I need you both to make constitution saving throws as you're having to hold him there to keep him in space. But you have advantage because you're pulling away, I'll say. TALIESIN: Yeah, 18. So it's 26. MARISHA: 17. MATT: All right, So you fail. You do get pushed back 15 feet and you take, oh man. All right. That's a good roll. TALIESIN: Technically, since I'm grappled, do I go with her? MATT: No, because it breaks the grapple because it pushes you back. So that's 30 points of force damage to you, Keyleth. 15 to you. However, you are currently restrained as you are being held against the wall and the force field. You're pushed back. MARISHA: Oh, and he's stuck? MATT: He's being sandwiched between the stone wall and the force field, like (crackling). We're talking like Tetsuo-crush. All right. TALIESIN: It's my turn now, right? Or no? MATT: No, now it's Keyleth's turn. SAM: And that's when the Irresistible Dance kicks in. Delayed response. MARISHA: Can I take and through this wall, push it and start crushing Percy? Two slam attacks with the wall, crush crush? TALIESIN: Yeah, no, I'm into that. MATT: All right, so go ahead and make an attack. MARISHA: Against the wall or against Percy? MATT: Against the wall. MARISHA: First one is a 20 total. No, 21 total. The second one is a 19 total. MATT: Okay. I won't have you roll damage because it's siege, but what you do is each one of these shoves forces him into the wall. So I need you to make two constitution saving throws. TALIESIN: Two constitution saving throws. Here we go. That's a 19 and a 21. MATT: Both succeed. So that's 27 points of force damage, reduced to 13. TALIESIN: Okay, so that's 92 minus 13. MATT: That's a shitty roll. Ten points of force damage, reduced to five. TALIESIN: 74. MARISHA: Does he take any from being sandwiched? MATT: I mean, he's taking the damage because he's being sandwiched. MARISHA: Okay. Can I use my bonus action to go earth elemental again? MATT: You have to change to a different form. MARISHA: Then I will stay. MATT: Okay. Percival, your turn. TALIESIN: I'm going to try and squeeze around out of this. MATT: Top of your turn, make a constitution saving throw. TALIESIN: Oh, fine. Natural 20. I really would've liked that on a shot, but that's okay. It would have made life way easier. MATT: That is 19 points of force damage, reduced to nine. Right, so you're trying to escape from the restraint? All right, make an athletics check. Athletics or acrobatics, I believe. Let me double check real fast. TALIESIN: If I can just use my boots to squeeze off the side-- MATT: Well no, it's not breaking from a grapple necessarily. It's from being pinned. This isn't weaseling out of it. This is pure force, so this would be athletics. TALIESIN: I can't try and sneak through the window? MATT: No, the window, it's a slit. It's like that wide and your back is pressed against it. TALIESIN: This is not how I wanted to go out. Athletics, then? Oh boy. Nope. MATT: All right, so you're still restrained. TALIESIN: I can't see her at all, can I? MATT: Currently, no. She's behind the wall, pushing you into it. TALIESIN: Yep. Huh. Hmm. Yeah, no, I got nothing. MATT: All right. At the end of that, the field pushes in once more. TALIESIN: Breaks the wall, probably. MATT: Well no, it's pushing against that. It's not pushing further, sorry, because they're both stopped. They're now holding that space. So you don't take damage again. It doesn't force you. But you're still pinned. Keyleth, your turn. MARISHA: What is best right now? TALIESIN: I want to have a moment. MATT: What is best in life? MARISHA: Yeah, can I do two slam attacks on him again? Bam, bam, multi-attack? MATT: Pushing him into the wall again? Okay. MARISHA: Not good. Same thing for that first one. Twelve. Oh wait, it's hitting the wall, though? MATT: You're essentially just pushing against the wall. It'll shove, yeah. It's essentially a ten or lower. MARISHA: Okay, so 15 damage for that first one. MATT: No damage on this. You're just pushing the wall, so the force against him. So make a constitution saving throw, Percival. TALIESIN: I make one or two? MATT: We'll find out. Roll a second attack. MARISHA: Natural 19. TALIESIN: It's the one thing I'm good at. Oh, not this time. Ten and 12. MATT: Ten and 12. All right. You take, first, 24 points of force damage. TALIESIN: 24. MATT: 24 points of force damage. Keyleth, I need you to make a strength check, please. Or a strength saving throw. MARISHA: Strength saving throw? MATT: Correct. MARISHA: Natural 17, so 23. MATT: So as it pushes back, you manage to keep it back and then shove him back into it. And then, oh my god. That is 25 points of force damage to you, Percival. And Keyleth, make another strength saving throw as the section of wall that you've pushed in, that's loose and you're shoving him with, is being shoved backward. MARISHA: Natural 19. MATT: You've managed to hold it in place. Still restrained, you're slowly sandwiching him. Making a Percival sandwich. Percy, your turn. TALIESIN: Hail Mary. Trying to squeeze out of this. Nope. That's eight. SAM: The ghost of Scanlan floats in front of you. MATT: Make another constitution saving throw. MARISHA, LIAM: (chanting) First blood! First blood! TALIESIN: I can't count, guys! 25. MATT: 25, okay. So you take 13 points of force damage. Keyleth, your turn. MARISHA: Keyleth, my turn? Argh! Squishy squishy! Squishy Percy! Ooh, no, ten total. MATT: Ten total? Just barely. MARISHA: And second one, 12 total. Those were bad rolls. MATT: Roll two constitution saving throws, Percival. TALIESIN: This might be the end. I'm at nothing. 18 and 11. MATT: First one succeeds. You take 11 points of force damage. TALIESIN: I'm out. MATT: Second push, you feel Percival begin to pop and squish against the outer field. And for the purposes of this, one more round of shoving and, with a (squish), Percival-jelly begins to ooze out from behind the wall in which you shove him against the force. TALIESIN: You hear everything I own crack. MATT: While you were technically healing 20 points every round underneath the green beam-- MARISHA: Oh shit. Wow, yeah. MATT: The field dissipates. The rubble begins to separate and float in space. The ruined corpses of all your allies then float aloft around you and are slowly re-stitched back to life. Grog appears, pulled back from the water dimension, from the depths of the drowning. And you see the bearded patron descend from above. As he pats you on the head and goes-- MARISHA: I was never religious in-game, but now I am! MATT: "Good job!" (laughter) And with that-- (yelling) LIAM: All hail the queen! TALIESIN: Without a spell to her name. MATT: Level 20 druids, man. SAM: In 30 days, she'll know what happened. MATT: Yep. MARISHA: Yeah, in 20 days I'll be like, what? TALIESIN: I had the weirdest dream a month ago! MARISHA: I dreamt I killed you, and you, and you. MATT: It's funny, I was like, okay, once they start getting into the high-level spells this is really going to turn-- And then Feeblemind. All right, this is going to be a drag-out brawl to the very end. TALIESIN: I was really hoping I could burn some grit back and then do a whole bunch of damage all at once. MARISHA: But man, you dodged my Feeblemind. That was hot. That was amazing. LIAM: I did what I came here to do. TRAVIS: Yeah, I went to the Water Plane with a few hundred HP left. I was super healthy in the water. SAM: Like a sensory deprivation tank. MATT: That deprives you of all the senses, eventually. MARISHA: I had to get vengeance from fucking it up last time. TRAVIS: So it's cool. MATT: Well done, guys. Congratulations, Keyleth. MARISHA: I finally won one! SAM: Thanks to Marvel Puzzle Quest! TALIESIN: Thank you, Marvel Puzzle Quest for sponsoring our ultimate fighting championship. TRAVIS: That is the most messed-up map I've ever seen. TALIESIN: That was mean. I started this game being the most clutch, powerful motherfucker on the planet and ended it like-- Confined spaces fuck gunslingers. MARISHA: I'm the queen. Everyone bow down to me. MATT: That's the Feeblemind face. My wife, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you guys so much for playing. Thank you guys so much for sticking with us, if you're still here. We'll be back next week to discuss-- Some of you will be here for Talks Machina, I believe, and next Thursday to do the Q&A. After that, have a wonderful holidays and New Year. And is it Thursday yet? Good night, guys. [music]	Epic Level Battle Royale One-Shot	https://www.kryogenix.org/crsearch/html/cr1-115.08.html
# Critical Role Campaign 1 Episode 54.01 ## Critical Role RPG Show Q&A and Battle Royale! MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's pseudo-episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy voice actors will be answering your questions and then doing a fantastic battle royale showdown between Pike, Vax, Keyleth, and Percy. ASHLEY: Woo-hoo! MATT: For those of you who were here for our last battle royale, it's going to be a fun circumstance where the players are dropped into a scenario they do not yet know. They'll be forced to battle with only one victor, the last man standing. But we'll get into that for the second half of this evening. First, let's get through some quick announcements. If we want to get through those, I probably should have loaded them up on my phone. MARISHA: Yeah, Let me see if I can beat you to that. MATT: You want to get to that right now. But in the meantime, this comes to our fourth and final week of this run, being sponsored by Loot Crate, who've been fantastic for this month run of Critical Role. It's our first time trying out a sponsorship. You guys have been awesome in checking out their stuff, and I hope a lot of you guys have enjoyed becoming part of the Loot Crate membership family. We are! MARISHA: And you can get $3 off your subscription with code 'criticalrole'. MATT: Yeah, at www.lootcrate.com/criticalrole. I talk for a living. Anyway, what else do we want to announce this evening? MARISHA: Also, the Dear Vox Machina article series has been going on on Friday nights. Wait, whose came out last? MATT: Grog, I thought it was. MARISHA: I think mine's coming out tomorrow. I think Keyleth is tomorrow. TALIESIN: I better get mine turned in. MARISHA: You should probably turn yours in. You should probably do your work. MATT: I should probably turn mine in too. MARISHA: Jeez, fucking slackers. Galavanting in Hawaii. ASHLEY: Yeah, whatever, getting a tan. TALIESIN: Well, a burn. MATT: I do have to point out, strong appreciation for Taliesin to really fly the true nerd banner by having a trip to Hawaii and spending a portion of it in his hotel room playing D&D on Skype. TALIESIN: There was a beautiful sunset happening right offscreen. My friends who I'm sharing a room with were like-- "We're going snorkeling!" LIAM: Got to kill a dragon. MATT: That's pretty great. MARISHA: And then your first episode of Signal Boost went live on Tuesday. TALIESIN: Yay! My first episode of Signal Boost went-- oh, ow, that hurt-- live on Tuesday! MARISHA: Don't burn yourself! TALIESIN: I'm going to burn us down. This whole game is coming down now. Yeah, you should check it out. I'm really proud of it, and I'm happy with it, and there's more fun. MARISHA: Good, I'm glad! I'm glad you're not totally embarrassed. TALIESIN: Mortified. MARISHA: It's very fun, the internet loves you. It's uncanny. ASHLEY: I finally splurged on your episodes, Marisha. I did. And I've liked all of the things that you liked. Now I'm going to watch Hector's. LIAM: We should all like bees, really. MARISHA: Bees are great. Bees or die. TALIESIN: Well, I will have a hive soon, it is happening. It's being built right now. LIAM: Right next door to the chickens? TALIESIN: Technically, next door to my room, but yeah, right next to the chickens. Screen window, crucifix, it'll get the whole thing stopped. (laughter) MATT: Love the bees at a distance! MARISHA: Oh, they're very nice. They're sweet. MATT: What other announcements have we got? MARISHA: That's it. No one else added anything else. MATT: I have a quick announcement. Those who haven't seen or had an opportunity to play yet, this week had the launch of Overwatch, Blizzard's new game. I'm lucky enough to play the character McCree, the space cowboy. You guys get to have an opportunity to shoot a six-shooter in the game and tell people (McCree voice), "It's high noon." If you haven't played it, you should, it's a lot of fun. I have enjoyed the crap out of it. MARISHA: It's so good. LIAM: You bring it on yourself just saying that catchphrase. MATT: I get tweeted pretty much at every time zone's noon. Every day, people barrage me with, "Hey Matt, what time is it?" MARISHA: Every time zone! Once an hour on the hour! What time is it? TALIESIN: It's about four o'clock, why? Oh. MARISHA: And not to be confused with MacCready. MATT: No, apparently any gun-slinging guys with McCree in their name have been me this past year. MARISHA: Yeah, you got the cornerstone. McCree, MacCready, and then what is the name of your character in Evolve, which is also a cyber space cowboy? MATT: Space cowboy, that's Abe. (Abe voice) Abraham Presley. Yeah, guys in hats with guns has been a theme this past year, some of them with really great facial hair. I love that theme. TALIESIN: I'm really looking forward to Overwatch. I haven't hit it yet. MARISHA: It's so good, you guys. MATT: We're going to have to sync up and play it. TALIESIN: It's going to be a thing. MATT: Anyway! We've got questions to get to. So, first and foremost, we have a few sources of questions. Obviously we're not going to get to a lot of them tonight, because there's a lot of questions. But there's a Reddit thread that's been up for a little while, we're going to be pulling questions from there. The chat room as well, we have at our side here. We have questions coming from you guys there as long as we can keep track of it because it goes pretty fast. Is my mic bad, not getting a good mic? I'll lean this way then and try and get to this section. Should work fine. MARISHA: You could adjust the boom. MATT: Yeah, but the camera is there. Karen? KAREN: You're very audible. They're just being picky. MATT: Just being picky? Guys, stop being picky. It's all good. So long as you guys can hear me, I think we're okay. Yeah, we have Reddit, we have the chat room, and then we have on Twitter the hashtag Critical Role questions as well. We'll be going through those and picking questions, answering them as they come. So, let us begin. We're apologizing now for all of us looking at our phones. It's not because we're bored, it's because we want to answer your questions. LIAM: That's where the questions are. MARISHA: Ermagerd, querstions! MATT: This comes from Groghammer on Reddit. "After the episode 'Cows and Consequences', Matt said it was one of the weirdest, but not the weirdest, D&D experience he's ever had. To him and others with experience, what is the weirdest thing that's happened in a game you've played?" This is an interesting question. MARISHA: Offscreen, I guess? Outside of 'Cows and Consequences'? MATT: It could be something in Critical Role if you want to, but if you had other stranger experiences. I'll begin. This was weird but dark. This was when I was running the Ravenloft game for a few years with my old group back in the late 2000s. As they began to make their way through Barovia, the atmosphere of it was drawing them down and every night they'd sleep there, they would take corruption similarly to how you did when you were in Whitestone under the watch of the Briarwoods. We had our bard begin to grow sharpened teeth. We had our rogue character, who had a long-dormant mummy rot that had been subsiding in his body begin to spread again. We had our blood mage, who had died and been resurrected, came back not quite right and went a little feral. And then we had our paladin, whose skin all of a sudden was pulled tighter against his body, and as a person whose whole ideal was to fight undead, to look in the mirror one day and see that he resembled one, he went crazy and started smashing stuff. It was a cool buildup, but one of the weirder, fun experiences was when they had finally finished the battle with Strahd, when they had defeated him and, in theory, saved Ravenloft, the epilogue ended up being a "at what cost?" circumstance. Well, the cleric died in the final battle, the paladin killed himself, the blood mage disappeared into the forest and was never seen again. The rogue, who was like the older Indiana Jones character of the group, took the castle for himself and became the new lord of Barovia, Batman-style, supposedly to watch over the city, but his corruption had gotten so heavy that it wasn't sure if they were replacing one monster with another. And the bard, who had had a constant feud with the rogue, got, in the final moments of the game, in a huge argument post-battle, and the rogue grabbed him and tore his tongue out. And the bard now served him as this mute, subservient Gollum figure and was at the edge of his throne in the epilogue as the rogue took the throne of Barovia for himself. LIAM: It's like an Edward Gorey poem. MATT: Pretty much. It was a hell of an end to that campaign. MARISHA: The bard went full-on Theon Greyjoy style? MATT: Kind of, unintentionally. That was my friend Shaun. TALIESIN: Oh, yes, of course. That makes perfect sense. MATT: How about you guys? TALIESIN: I got so enraptured in that story, I'm trying to think-- MARISHA: Can mine be from Mansions of Madness? Can mine be from board games? MATT: Sure, this is any game. MARISHA: I'm partial to the time where I was playing as Ashcan Pete, who's my favorite character to play as in any Cthulhu universe. I was down to one hit point, had lost my weapon, and was hiding in a chest. And I popped out of a chest and punched a shoggoth and killed him. MATT: Yeah, last hit point. It was the hobo jack-in-the-boxing and punching a shoggoth. MARISHA: The old hobo jack-in-the-box technique! And it was great, and I'll never forget it. TALIESIN: Ashcan Pete. MARISHA: Ashcan! Who can? Ashcan! TALIESIN: Thank you, that was all I hoped for. MATT: Any of you guys? LIAM: My tabletop is high school, which I don't remember too well. And then our home game, the show was far crazier than our home game was. As fun as the home game was, nothing as lunatic as the cow episode-- ASHLEY: I wasn't a part of that cow episode, but I remember watching it, and I was like, "This is ludicrous." I was laughing so hard, I had projectile tears. I was like, "This is the weirdest thing that's happened in this game." MATT: It was pretty legitimate-- hopefully this will work better for audio, thank you so much. TALIESIN: We did a Sabbat Vampire game tabletop years ago at my friend Don's house that involved a savage burn on the Haunted Mansion and Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland, and we were resurrected as vampires inside the Haunted Mansion. And he had built an elaborate map of the entire ride, it was really spectacular. (laughter) It's forever colored both of those rides. MARISHA: I want to see, is there a Barovia travel poster out there? Someone has to have made something like that, right? MATT: I hope so, like a pamphlet? MARISHA: Yeah. "Come visit sunny Barovia!" MATT: "Not-quite-sunny Barovia!" If you do find that on the internet, please send it to us or find us on Twitter, I'd love to see that. Question. "Ashley, what classes would the cast of Blindspot be in your opinion?" From Zodaru in the chatroom. ASHLEY: Probably Sully, who plays Kurt, the main guy-- or no, we'll start with Jane Doe. I think she would be a fighter, straight-up fighter class. I think Kurt Weller, Sully, would be a barbarian. I think Zapata would be a rogue. I would probably be a bard or probably still a cleric. MATT: Yeah? You said so on the show. ASHLEY: Yeah, so I am. MATT: That was my favorite in-joke I've ever seen in television from a nerd point ever. Those who haven't seen it, there's an episode of Blindspot where Ashley's character gets teased about playing your wizard and elf game. And you correct them with-- ASHLEY: It's called Dungeons and Dragons. MATT: I'm actually a gnome cleric. And I was like, "Yes!" ASHLEY: Put it in where we can. Just stick it right in. LIAM: It's called outreach. (laughter) MATT: It is a way to put it. ASHLEY: Outreach, our outreach campaign. MATT: Liam, did you find a question you wanted to tackle? LIAM: Um. ASHLEY: I know, they're coming in fast. Coming in hot! MATT: Here, I'll throw one in while you guys are looking. Question for the players, "A few of you have come close to trading blows before." This is from StoryBeforeNumbers on the Reddit page. "Within the actual narrative of Critical Role, do you believe your character could ever be capable of seriously fighting or killing another party member, and if so, what would it take to reach that point?" LIAM: I think it would take a lot, and I got a lot of static after Vax punched Percy. A week later, everyone's like, "Like Vax has any horse to stand on, with what happened with his sister." First of all, that was what was running through my head as I punched Percy. None of you had to tell me about that, that's what I was thinking about. And if that hadn't happened, I probably would have done more than punch him one time. I probably would have went a little bit further. But I would say, on one hand, Vax thinks it's a little different because Vax rushed in to try to save his sister, not exactly the same situation. But on the other hand, you're kind of right, he doesn't have any moral high ground, and I'm not trying to play anyone on moral high ground. And I thought, do I have the right to do this? Probably not, who cares? We're all playing imperfect people. TALIESIN: Percy would absolutely kill another member of Vox Machina if he thought that it was for the good of the whole group. He thought if there was a situation where it was like, put one down because they were a threat to everybody else, he'd probably be okay. Probably. MARISHA: Yeah, Keyleth has a hard time killing the scum of the earth. So no. TALIESIN: I couldn't kill Trinket. I think I'd feel really bad. I couldn't live with myself. LIAM: You're going to get diCaprio'd. (laughter, bear grunting) ASHLEY: I don't know if Pike could do it. Even if they were really bad or something was terrible, I feel like Pike would try anything to not kill one of the members. LIAM: You should stay in that mindset after the break. ASHLEY: No, I will not! Tonight is an exception, my friend! MATT: Well, Sarenrae, part of her sphere of influence is redemption, too. With Pike, I could see her, definitely. She feels that even somebody's who's fallen that far from what she knew, she could find a way to bring them back. ASHLEY: Yeah, there's still something in them that should still be there. I don't think there's anything that can make her kill somebody. Except tonight. MATT: Except tonight. There you go, we'll have it. TALIESIN: Tonight's special. MATT: Anyone find any questions they prefer for this one? MARISHA: I have a good one. This is from @CaraKiriyama on Twitter, "If the characters hadn't found each other and formed Vox Machina, what do you think they'd be doing instead?" TALIESIN: Percy'd be dead by now. MARISHA: Keyleth might be dead. TALIESIN: He would have walked into something stupid and that would have been the end of it. LIAM: I think the twins would have been doing mercenary work somewhere. MARISHA: Keyleth would try and continue on her Aramente, by herself if she had to, maybe find other people to pal around with along the way. She tagged along with you guys because she was afraid that she'd die out there alone, which, once again, probably would've. ASHLEY: I feel like Pike would've probably stayed, hanging out in the Bramblewood, living with Wilhand. I feel like she's pretty small-town, I think this is such a huge adventure for Pike, and the only thing that brought Pike out of it was because of Grog, was a family, and being like, "Well, I guess I'll leave, try to help him and find him." I don't think she would've explored that much, she would've stayed. So Vox Machina brought out the best! MARISHA, TALIESIN: (singing) Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world! (laughter) MATT: That is now your theme song. ASHLEY: Yes, such a good theme song! MATT: I'll answer this quick question. @Mandalore_Cauldley on Twitter asks, "What has been the worst or best, if funniest, way there has been a TPK in any game you've played?" For those of us who've had that happen before, it was the Paranoia game that we played on here was pretty fun. There was definitely a universal TPK, as in we accidentally wiped out all of existence and reality, so that was fun. I wasn't actually part of this game, but I loved the story behind it. This was an evil campaign that-- same guy who was the rogue in my Ravenloft game, Shaun-- and a few other people were playing. This was 3.0 D&D, and they were an evil campaign, they were all evil characters. This was in Ravenloft, the Swords & Sorcery setting, not the Expedition to Ravenloft, the whole plane of Ravenloft. And his evil cleric had set up, for half the game, a plot to eventually to kill the rest of the party and take them for power, but only the DM knew. And eventually he found the right moment, right towards the end of their story arc, and they were on the cusp of finally completing their adventure. And he told the DM, "This is the moment." And he systematically killed each member of the party, took their heads, preserved their heads, still living, and put them on the shelf in his now-dark tower. And that was the end of the campaign, he ended up TPKing the rest of his own party and putting them on the shelf. TALIESIN: Bless Shaun. MATT: Shaun's an interesting character. Actually, I think I'm seeing him this weekend at MomoCon in Atlanta. See you in a few days, Shawn! (laughter) ASHLEY: I feel like it would be so fun to be an evil character. LIAM: I want to do a one-off sometime that goes further than the goblin game. MATT: That can be arranged. Next time we have a day off like this and people can't make it, whoever's around, we'll do an evil one-shot. MARISHA: You started salivating almost. (laughter) ASHLEY: (evil voice) We should do an evil one-shot. LIAM: I know what that character is for that game. MATT: That makes me happy. Chat room, let's see. MARISHA: @LChow on Twitter says, "Who comes up with and assigns the episode titles?" I think this is a funny story. Mainly, they come out organically. MATT: Yeah, I have my own titles when I give the adventure preparation for each session in the actual documents in my folder. But then when the episodes happen, that very much informs what the episode titles are. Usually, it's-- MARISHA: Like "At Dawn, We Plan." ASHLEY: That was so, I was like, "This has got to be it." MARISHA: We all walk out and go like, "Well, that's the title." MATT: The titles come out the next Monday morning, Taliesin texting or emailing me at 11:30 AM. TALIESIN: Okay, we need a title now, you've got 20 minutes. Good morning, what's up? MATT: And I'll be in the middle of a session like, "Okay, bathroom break? Okay. Ooh, that'll be good." And that's all it is. ASHLEY: I actually didn't know that. I didn't know that you thought of the titles. Because they're fantastic. LIAM: Well, you got the bird's-eye view, Matt. MATT: That's the thing, I'd feel a little weird if somebody I didn't know did the titles. Like the last episode that came out, somebody was like, "The Dragon Episode," I'd be like, "Hmm." I'm not saying that would be the case, whoever would possibly do the titles here at Geek & Sundry, but I'm a little attached. ASHLEY: It makes sense, I don't know who else I thought would've done it besides you. MATT: We can do a vote. TALIESIN: Draw lots. MARISHA: We do most everything ourselves. LIAM: I got one. People all week-- all year, really-- but a lot this week, have been asking me-- and telling me-- asking me does Vax have a death wish or saying that Vax has a death wish. You are free to think I have a death wish. I don't have a death wish, I don't want to roll a new character, I love my character, but I'm not going to play him like an accountant. I'm going to rush in and try to save people and kill the motherfuckers who killed my parents, my mother, I don't have a father. MATT: You do have a father. (laughter) LIAM: We'll get to that. I don't have a death wish, I do not want to stop playing my character. He could die next week, and I'll be bummed for a while, but this is how I'm going to play him. ASHLEY: Would you cry? I would cry. MARISHA: I would cry so much. MATT: We cried so hard when you died that one time. ASHLEY: That was horrible. LIAM: If I survive next week's game, I will do something just as dumbfuck two to five episodes later, so strap in. That's what I'm doing. MARISHA: It's not like we have a plan. I think people assume we have plans. MATT: Well, first off, no plan survives contact with the enemy, this is the general term. And also, that's what D&D is about. There have been many games that I've played where I could do the smart, safe move, but then I stop myself and go, "Why?" To me, I'd rather try something spectacular and fail spectacularly than keep it safe and on its own. And even if a character could possibly die, those are the moments that you remember. ASHLEY: It's true. TALIESIN: What's the video game from Rick and Morty? I'm trying to remember. MATT: Oh, the one where he goes and lives the life? TALIESIN: You're taking him off the grid, he doesn't have his Social Security card! (laughter) LIAM: The game can be different things for different people, and if people want to treat it like a WoW raid, go for it, have fun with that. But if I had to be like, "Okay, how I can max out my opportunities here and my chance to get my Devout--," that's not why I play. I play to stick myself in epic books that I loved reading as a kid. And sometimes characters die. TALIESIN: Many of those people in those books die. ASHLEY: I feel like we've all become the characters so much. LIAM: Yeah. Someone else asked how long did it take to create your characters, and I feel like it's still happening. The first game was like, "Yeah, I'm a rogue! We're twins? Cool! Okay, what do I do? I sneak around, Grog doesn't even know that he can do whatever the hell he wants, great." It's so loosey-goosey. MARISHA: It's such an Urban Outfitter inspirational poster: "Our stories are never over." (laughter) LIAM: It's still ripening. And sometimes we have one-on-one conversations with each other or in a group, we feel like we're learning new things about the character-- every game-- or each other, or ourselves even, playing this game. TALIESIN: I feel knee-deep in act two right now. Yeah, he's totally act two. MATT: You two especially have had some interesting changes. You changed from pre-stream to stream because of your whole experience on the ship, and after death, Pike has become a lot more hardened and accepting of the harshness of reality, and that's been cool to watch that happen. ASHLEY: It's been fun. I almost still feel like Pike is a little bit of act one. Even with everything that's happening, I'm still a little like, "Ooh, there's more there." TALIESIN: Waiting for that big break to happen. ASHLEY: Yeah, but it's getting there. Someone asked what led to Ashley and Travis deciding to link their backstories together? That was actually not my decision. LIAM: That was how you hooked her in. ASHLEY: That was how he put it together, which I thought was really cool because I came to the second game that you guys played? MATT: Yeah, it was the second game. Travis couldn't be there for the second game, so I worked it into the story-- I didn't give you exactly what it was, but I said, "If you want to tie it into why Travis can't be there with his character, how would you want to work these together?" ASHLEY: Which is so crazy because how our friendship in-game has turned out is so huge in the game for me. Which I wonder if that wasn't the story, how different that would have been. But that's such a huge part of the story for me. So crazy. MATT: It evolves in a really strange way. LIAM: Vax has a-- wishing he could follow a bit in her footsteps, or did, and I don't want to get too much into that, and obviously all this. I didn't have any beef with you at any time in the past, but now I don't trust you as far as I can throw you. TALIESIN: Good, that's a really good decision. LIAM: Grog and Vax never had any real digging at each other, but it's a little dicier now. They're okay, but a little bit of-- MARISHA: One of these days, me and you, our ideals are going to come to a crashing head. TALIESIN: Oh, it's going to be a crashing head. I'm curious. There's so many things that are on the cusp of happening. ASHLEY: There's a lot of things. Because I haven't even gotten to deal with this motherfuck yet about what's been going on with him. MARISHA: Oh, yeah, yeah. LIAM: I'm a cutter, I've been cutting. MATT: Dagger dagger dagger. ASHLEY: Him being Vax, not Liam. LIAM: I'm Vex. MATT, MARISHA, TALIESIN: Don't. MATT: Don't fuck with her. You're right. LIAM: How long have we been playing this game for? ASHLEY: But still, the split-second where I was like, shit, I got it wrong. No, I didn't! MATT: That's your own fault, by the way. One letter off, you dicks. Real fast, I want to put this out there, because this question has come up a lot this week. Yes, I'm well aware that Dimension Door, from a rules standpoint, says that if you are to teleport to a space occupied by a creature, it would shunt you out and take 4d6 psychic damage, I think. I agree with that. However, the players came up with a very interesting plan, formed two of the smallest possible members into a creature that is so large that I considered in that moment that there would be enough space where you wouldn't be occupying technically the same space as the creature. So I allowed it for that circumstance. Most of the time, yes, they would be shunted out, and if you'd rolled a lower intelligence roll, you probably would have been pushed out the side. But as a Dungeon Master, you have to justify things, consider what makes sense versus what doesn't, how much do the mechanics written in the rules rule your game in the narrative, and how much you want to allow because the players have been creative or it's an interesting way that could make sense and you can justify. I chose in that moment to justify that, and it didn't necessarily work in their favor in some ways, but that's the nature of making weird, cool plans and seeing if they come to fruition or not. LIAM: Still a fun game. MATT: So I'm well aware, and yes, I did let it. That doesn't mean you have to. You can be angry that I didn't follow the rules. I thought it was fun and cool. LIAM: Sure you did. There's a rule in the rulebook that says bend the rules whenever you want to bend the rules. That's a rule. So Matt followed the rules. ASHLEY: This is actually a cool question. This is for Matt, and I would like to know this. Has there been something in-game that's happened that has absolutely shocked you? Where you were like, this is something that's never happened in a game I've DMed. MATT: Teleporting inside a dragon is definitely new. The Cows and Consequences episode in general was ridiculous. There have been a few moments. Well, first off, everyone going for the treasure at the end of a boss encounter without healing up or checking for traps, and that trap that I had set up there just as a possible blockade being enough to knock Vex out based on the bad roll. I've never had a player death that was directly after the conflict and danger. You know what I mean? Where the calm, everything's cool. (explosion) It was, from a narrative standpoint, really cool how it played out, but I wasn't expecting that to happen at all. It was going to be one other annoyance and warning of the power behind this artifact, and it just happened that way. ASHLEY: That was the worst. MARISHA: We all felt like such assholes about that. We were all like, wow, that was dumb. LIAM: Personally one of my most insane moments, because I've always told myself, all right, the twins, Vax is going to give himself up for his sister whenever he does it. And in that split-second I was like, here it is, here we go. I'm going to end my game, I'm ending it, Laura's going to go on, I'm out. Just like I planned. And you went-- flipped it on me. MATT: That's what I do. LIAM: All my ideas for the future went (pfft). MATT: Good. LIAM: Had to change everything I was thinking. MATT: No, that was pretty cool. Other moment, I would say honestly the showdown with Kevdak. I wasn't sure if you guys were going to survive that, or at least a few of you were going to fall. A couple of key rolls in that fight. The Grog escape, the broom escape, using the necklace in a way that I never considered it to be used. That was-- the way you guys planned that battle worked out almost perfectly to just barely save your asses, because that fight was one of the harder encounters I'd ever developed, and it was more like I wasn't sure how it was going to go down. I had three other maps on the side in case you guys had a sewer journey, if you guys wanted to stealth in during the night and assassinate Kevdak in his room attempt, or find a way to try and-- MARISHA: That would've been a good idea. TALIESIN: Wow, fuck, why didn't we think of that? MATT: There were different ways this could have worked. The way this all went down, I left it open to see what you guys were going to do, and this was possibly the hardest way to handle it, but it also ended up being one of the most dynamic and cinematic, so I was excited how it worked out. LIAM: It was such a back-and-forth, too, because we were like, okay, here's what we're going to try to do, shit, it's working, it's working, we got this, we got this! And then it went (explosion) and flipped into 180, and we're like, we're dead, we're dead, and then a Hail Mary pass at the last second. Ripping expectations back and forth. MATT: If anybody had got the death blow aside from Grog, they wouldn't have stopped. That was the sad and scary part. Because it's one thing having an old member of the herd that challenged him dealing the death blow to give them pause and really consider, has this power move shifted, is he the new leader? That was enough to cause everyone to stop and really consider the situation, and with Zanror being brought forth and released, it put them into this tense period of-- not subservience or respecting or accepting the new rule, but not really knowing what to do because their leader was gone, and the one who challenged and killed him in a spectacular death, and it gave them pause. If it was a shitty half-elf that ran up and stabbed their ruler-- MARISHA: Hey. MATT: From their perspective, you guys were shitty half-elves, all right? And a shitty gnome, and a shitty human. ASHLEY: Hey! Rude. MATT: It would've continued in their mind to be an aggressive act, and they would've continued to steamroll you. That was so crazy. Anyway, yeah, we should answer another question. MARISHA: Similar kinds of things happened with the dragon, though, where it was like, this is going well, this is going pretty well-- oh, shit. ASHLEY: It's going not well at all. This is very not good. MARISHA: Once again, internet, I think-- everyone's like, well, pretty much everything that could've went wrong did. That pretty much-- TALIESIN: That's so not true. So many things that could've gone wrong didn't. MARISHA: We did pretty well, considering. LIAM: I'm a ground fighter. If I'd been on the ground, I'd probably be goo in shoes. MATT: If you guys had not managed to-- the whole mechanic I'd used was if the trap succeeded, based on the dragon's perception roll and how well you guys hid things-- had the dragon even noticed there was something different and wrong, it wouldn't have landed. It would've stayed up there and started spraying you guys down. Maybe throwing spells. It would've been bad. ASHLEY: We did pretty well, considering. MATT: Considering. And you holding it to the ground was important, because it prevented it-- because its breath weapon is a line, it limited its range and what any powerful dragon does to its advantage is stays in the air and uses-- Those few rounds were key. Once it did get free, you saw how fast it could turn in a negative position for a group. And the chains were good. It sacrificed damage, but it also raised the DC of its ability to escape from the grapple that was holding it on the ground. You guys did a really good job and had some rolls going in your favor, but once it started turning over and it escaped, it went south very quick. MARISHA: But we have him on the run. MATT: You have him on the run. Kind of? ASHLEY: That was the worst cliffhanger of a game. MATT: I know! It wasn't my intent! I had to sleep. ASHLEY: I know, I know. MARISHA: Someone asked a question, when are you getting shirts on Geek and Sundry that says 'Your 'Fun Is Wrong'? MATT: (laughs) I don't know. That's a polarizing term in the community. I'm glad and I'm excited that people are passionate enough to be so invested that they are frustrated that things they came up with didn't happen, or that they saw circumstances that outside of the game could have worked. To me, I think those discussions are great. There are some people that take it too far and actually make verbal attacks on the players via social media, or go out of their way to use those circumstances to really be unfairly dark and necessarily down on us, and I'm like, those are shitty. And those are more of what that's referring to. But overall, I love the discussion, and I think it's great. Everyone will handle a situation differently, and I love people who will have those talks. So I don't know if the #yourfuniswrong is in a good enough spirit to put on a shirt. I do eventually want to do a 'You Can Certainly Try' shirt. MARISHA: I think 'You Can Certainly Try' is next. TALIESIN: Yeah, that's the darkest thing that we ever hear in the game. "You can certainly try." MATT: (laughs) I love it so much. TALIESIN: I'll roll my die to spite you. MATT: All right. Let's find another question here. Let's see. MARISHA: Someone asked if Keyleth was a vegetarian. Again, no. She's not. She's a druid. She just acts like it. (laughter) MATT: From GeekSpiral on reddit. For Ashley. "Do the Blindspot writers work out the Critical Role references with you, or do they sneak it in themselves?" ASHLEY: They asked-- when I brought the mug to set, because I asked them, I was like, "I want to have one mug that my character uses." And they were like, "Okay, pick out a mug," and I was like, oh, I already have one. And I brought the Critical Role mug and they were like, "Oh, cool. What is this?" And I was like, "Just the coolest thing ever. Don't worry about it. This is what I'm using." But then I couldn't do it for so many episodes because it had to be cleared by NBC. And they're like, "Well, what is this Critical Role?" And I'm like, "Well!" So I had to go through and, they're like, "Can we use it?" I was like, "Of course." Yeah. And I was like, "Well, it's a Dungeons & Dragons game I play with my friends--" MARISHA: Well, it's online, Grandma. It's online. No, no, it's not like on TV. TALIESIN: It's not the email. ASHLEY: And then with the writers, I think they started hearing about it. Some of them have started watching it, which is so funny. And then they started adding little stuff here and there about that my character plays Dungeons & Dragons. And then the last one with the gnome cleric, I didn't tell them that. I just read the script. Yeah, and then when I read the script, the person who had written that episode, he came over and he was like, "Yeah, because I watched it, and I know you're a gnome cleric," and I was like, "This is the best day ever." (laughter) It was like my favorite day at work. My favorite episode, yeah. My favorite scene that I shot. So I was like, that made my day. Made my day! LIAM: I get asked frequently if I'm ever going to DM a one-shot for our show, like when you're out of town. Theoretically like a year from now or more, if you wanted to go to Aruba or Burning Man or whatever. Maybe in a year or so. But I'm playing with kids. The kids have low expectations or no expectations. I don't remember any of the rules. Seeing all of the Quivering Palm business and dragon fight business, I'm not ready for that. Talk to me in a year. But I do it at home. It's great. My kids love it. TALIESIN: You guys are intimidating out there. Legitimately. MATT: It's one thing to play a game. It's another to play it on the internet where a lot of people can tell you immediately what you did wrong. But we're still having fun. LIAM: So far. ASHLEY: I like this one. Somebody asked, "What do you think is your character's biggest fault?" TALIESIN: Oh, I saw that rolling through. It's a good one. MATT: What do you think is your biggest fault, guys? MARISHA: I feel like some of them are apparent, right? MATT: That you can say. MARISHA: Our biggest fault. I guess her tragic flaw? Extreme self-loathing and guilt. Fairly transparent on that one there, I think. Yeah, Keyleth pretty much hates everything she does and feels worthless. Yeah. MATT: There you go. (laughs) To bring it up on you, guys. TALIESIN: I'd say an interesting mix for Percy of self-loathing, which is definitely a big thing for him too, and the unbridled belief that his parents put into him that he's the only adult in the room. Someone also said, "Is it fair to call Percy the Doctor Doom of his world?" No, he is definitely the Reed Richards of his world. And if you read Fantastic Four, you will know that Reed Richards is a terrible person. He's a terrible, terrible person. MATT: Like that. You, Vax? LIAM: Well, I think that Vax has a little bit of self-loathing, too. I don't know, people think that Vax thinks he's a Boy Scout. I don't. And I don't think he does either. For the backstory, I was a thief for years. I did shitty things and stole from people so he could get by. I think he at this point in life feels like he's been a fuck-up and a waste of time most of his life, and the only good thing he's had in his whole life is his relationship with his sister, which is like one, good, true thing. But everything else, they're dead-enders. ASHLEY: No, he's not! LIAM: Well, maybe. Maybe things are changing. But that's what he was. And then also he follows his heart now, to a fault. MATT: Right. And you, Pike? ASHLEY: Gosh. Pike is-- Perfect. Just no faults whatsoever. No. Gosh. I think that with the death that was before the stream, I think she felt like she was not as helpful in the group, and I think that sticks with her, with trying to be like, "I need to earn my place!" Yeah, I don't know. She's got some weird stuff with her family, which we haven't really gotten into, because she comes from the deep gnomes. They're a little bit of tricksters. Hence the last name Trickfoot. It probably would be the equivalent of coming from-- I don't want to say that, because it sounds so judgmental. Never mind. MARISHA: We're all degenerates. We're all fuck-ups. LIAM: And that's what we love about them. None of us are trying to be white as snow. Even those of us who think they mean the most good for the world, we're all fuck-ups. We're going to continue to fuck up. MATT: Yeah. I'm going to do a couple quick Twitter questions here rapid-fire, so we can get through some of these. Taliesin, did Matt tell you about the demon in the gun, or when did he? TALIESIN: No, he didn't tell. I found out when you did! Yay! MATT: (laughs) He knew Orthax, or he knew that some sort of smoke entity had attached to him and made an offer, but you didn't know what bound it to you, and it was the weapon, yeah. TALIESIN: Nothing at all. I didn't even know. I left it open to have just been nothing. It could have just been that he had a dream one night and went nuts. It literally could have been nothing. LIAM: You clever bastard. MATT: It's fun. The fact that Sam caught up on that and got rid of it was one of my favorite character moments for him. Because that was going to stick around. TALIESIN: I want my gun back! ASHLEY: No you don't! You do not need it! MATT: Build a new one! TALIESIN: I haven't had time! Everything keeps exploding! MATT: I know. (laughs) It keeps exploding? TALIESIN: If something could stop blowing up for five minutes, I'll finish four projects around the house. Waffle iron. ASHLEY: There's so many questions. Ooh! MATT: Yeah, there's a lot of questions. Any you want to pick up on? ASHLEY: No, I've already asked a lot. LIAM: Laura says by text, is the chat not working? MATT: Chat's working. TALIESIN: Maybe their video is broken. LIAM: Chat's working, La. ASHLEY: Hi, Laura! Hi, Twavis! LIAM: Hi! Are you guys on the other side of the planet now? MATT: Someone asks, did Sam get experience for destroying the gun? Yes, he did. Moments like that, key moments, big story moments like that, those are the marks I make. Those are like the bump-experience bonuses. He got a few hash marks for figuring that out, and finding a way to make it happen without you murdering him in the process. (laughter) TALIESIN: Yeah, that was very impressive. MARISHA: Here's a question that I actually get a lot. This was from @tiamat_zx on Twitter. Why was Keyleth hostile towards Kima in the past? In the very beginning? LIAM: Shifty eyes. MARISHA: Yeah. You can't trust her shifty eyes. No, a lot of it's starting to slowly be revealed now, actually, I feel like. But Keyleth doesn't trust really any type of religious establishment. It's not necessarily where she comes from, and I think she's had a few bad experiences. Enough in the past to where she's seen the corruption of a church. And at the time, Kima was full-heartedly running into a blaze of glory and death and we were sent there to go grab her with really no other lead on who she actually was or what she actually wanted. I didn't trust that. TALIESIN: She's not exactly Miss Charming either, is she? MARISHA: Right. And I think we happened to have two personality types. Like, Keyleth and Kima had two personality types that butted heads. MATT: Yeah. It's true. Question here real fast: @matthewmercer, do you discuss the night's events in the car ride home or days later, together with Marisha, I guess is what they're referring to? Yeah, on the ride home, we'll definitely be like, "That was crazy." And we'll recall events that happened, and she'll mention things or ask questions, and I'll say, "I don't know," and she'll get angry at me. MARISHA: That's mainly most of it. MATT: Yeah. It's also about why chat is so toxic. Like, guys, calm down, it's okay, it's a game. Calm down about Keyleth, guys. She's having a fun time. LIAM: We're not deciding laws in the Supreme Court. We're being doofuses. MARISHA: I'm the awkward, unlikeable one. I get it. MATT: Well, the interesting point was, we were talking about that. It was like, "Why is there this polarizing anger about Keyleth out there?" And I think a lot of it may come from the fact that you are, your character by nature is, an awkward character, who isn't the heroic, grandstanding hero, isn't the trickster, Han Solo rogue, and as that personality type, against a banner of other characters who fit more in those realms. TALIESIN: Let's stick a Miyazaki princess in the middle of the show and see what happens. That'll be great. MATT: Essentially! LIAM: 16 years old, jaded. (laughter) Tatted up the sleeves, and Princess Mononoke dropped in the middle. MATT: Yeah, it's an interesting psychology experiment to think about that, from my standpoint. I think Keyleth's a great character. Completely unbiased, from a DM's standpoint. TALIESIN: I like everybody. I'm horrified by the thought of losing any of us-- MATT: I'm horrified and excited. TALIESIN: I know. MATT: I know that sounds awful, but from a narrative standpoint-- I'm never going to force it, by any means, so if people are like, "Matt killed someone." I'm like, I'm not going to kill anybody on purpose. I'm going to let circumstances work out. So far there have been a couple close calls. One of these days, one of those dice is going to roll lower than that resurrection DC. LIAM: Close calls are getting closer and closer together, Matt. MATT: I know. Hey! Stakes are escalating, guys! LIAM: Could you give us a list of the easiest encounters to the hardest? Or could you put a skull next to the super-hard ones like in Fallout, where you're not supposed to go near the bad guy because the skull is floating there? MATT: There's an ancient dragon. LIAM: I didn't want to fight it! TALIESIN: I thought we weren't, and then suddenly, oh, this is happening now! LIAM: We need to go get some of these things and come back. MARISHA: About fighting the dragon? LIAM: Yeah! I said it like 20 times. MATT: Hey, man, depending on how this works out, some lessons will be learned, and hopefully prepare you for the next encounter a little better. Depending on who's left. ASHLEY: I don't like the sound of that. "How this turns out." I know, maybe we let him-- after we get you out, run. MARISHA: They're going to be so angry at us, those dragons. ASHLEY: It would be really interesting with this group, though, if someone did have to reroll a character, since we all do already know each other so well. That would be a very interesting dynamic. MARISHA: I feel like it'd be like transferring high schools, and you're the new kid in class, walking in for the first time, and you're like, "Hey." LIAM: Also, the whole cast is this-- we're all very ripened, mature characters with lots of nuance, and the first one will be like, "Hey, I'm a new bard! Where are my spells?" MARISHA: I've had that legitimate fear, because when we came into this, we were already two years into our characters, and I was like, jeez, it took us a while to find them and make them as deep and complex as they are. LIAM: Although when you play every week, we used to play every six weeks, so things were a little shallower at home, and now... MATT: Yeah, it's going to be interesting. ASHLEY: Let's make it not happen. MATT: Yeah. Just make sure you pay attention to the lore and the previous experiences you've had with dangerous entities. LIAM: There is a lot of lore, Matt. MARISHA: I feel like he's feeding us hints. ASHLEY: I know. TALIESIN: For the first time ever, I feel like Matt is actually-- MATT: I've told you nothing, I just like messing with you guys. LIAM: Somebody asked how you and I avoid awkwardness in real life after Vax and Keyleth moments. TALIESIN: You guys are really awkward. It's weird. MARISHA: Who are you, the chat room? LIAM: We're pretty cool with it. It's like an acting gig, really. MARISHA: Yeah, we're mature adults, I think. ASHLEY: We're probably all more awkward with it. We're all like, how do you feel? MARISHA: Okay, I will say that Liam and I walked away, we were like, "Wait. No one flinched at a Scanlan and Pike scene." No one flinched. LIAM: Not at all. Everyone crawled inside their own assholes when we had our-- ASHLEY: I think because you guys had the maiden voyage. LIAM: That's right. We were pioneers. ASHLEY: You were the pioneers, and we all learned from that moment of, oh, you can have moments like these, and everybody has to not be 12 about it. LIAM: It was like that moment when you first get to prison and they put you on the wall and take the hose and bring it. MARISHA: Hey, stings! LIAM: Hey, do you maybe want to go out sometime, I kind of like you, ow! ASHLEY: I know, we were the worst. We were the worst. MATT: I'm going to pull up another Reddit question here. LIAM: Laura and/or Travis. MARISHA: They're not here. LIAM: I'll answer for Travis. MARISHA: I'll answer for Laura. MATT: There you go. You guys should do that. LIAM: (Grog voice) What? What? MARISHA: Wink. Wink. Wink. MATT: Let's see. "Ashley. Do you prefer as a player to watch things unfold, or do you want to be in the driver's seat more? Also, would you ever convert anyone to worshipping Sarenrae?" From Jojorious on Reddit. ASHLEY: I think, for me personally, I still feel a little like a newbie, in a way, because they've played so many games consistently, week after week, and because of work, I still feel a little rusty. So for me, there's a part of me, not as Pike, that likes to watch things unfold first before making a move, because I'm like, can I do this? I'm a little unsure sometimes. LIAM: That's Pike or that's Ashley, you're saying? ASHLEY: That's Ashley. But I think I feel like Pike is the same way, but I feel like these things blur together. But I think with Pike, it's almost better to hang back because of being a cleric, because you can do a little clean-up after. Just, who's hurt, who can we protect and keep alive and keep in the battle? There was another part to the question. MATT: Oh, would you ever convert anyone to worshipping Sarenrae? ASHLEY: Oh, yes. Probably not. I feel like with Pike there's a lot of-- which we've had so many times talks in the game and out of game about how Pike sometimes veers away from worshipping Sarenrae and wants to do bad things. I just want to do bad things with my friends! Hoodrat things with my friends. Sometimes she can't. There are consequences. LIAM: You make Sarenrae look really good on the outside. ASHLEY: Well, all right. I don't think Pike would ever be like, "You need to convert to Sarenrae because you're a bad person." So no. MARISHA: You will never be those protesters outside of Comic-Con. ASHLEY: No, never ever ever. LIAM: Oh man, can we do a photoshoot with Ashley with the sign for Sarenrae? (laughter) MATT: Standing out on a street corner at Comic-Con? ASHLEY: Done, we're doing it. MATT: Question real fast from Atlas_Adams on Reddit, saying: "Do the Vestiges still draw their power from the deities? If so, wouldn't they not work for a person who is disloyal?" I'm not going to go too deep into that. I will say that not everyone who was part of the battle and the whole Divergence itself was a religious individual. Many of the artifacts did stem from religious power. Some of them also from arcane secrets. Not everything is tied to a specific deity, per se. Also, there's two sides to every battle. Not going to say any more than that. MARISHA: Someone said, I think it's supposed to be @Alkie on Twitter, "How did Mary Elizabeth and other guests come about? Are you friends with them and they just wanted to join?" MATT: My apologies. I was looking for another question, thinking that was to you. My apologies. Well-- MARISHA: "Are they friends and wanted to join?" TALIESIN: Not really. Just kidding. MATT: Mary had never played before and had not really exhibited interest when we first-- she was invited to the very first session that we were going to run, but she couldn't make it, she was like, "I don't know." But then hearing all the stories over the years of us playing privately, she was like, "Oh, this sounds like fun." I'm like, "Yeah, I already have too many players. Sorry." LIAM: Knew she'd be good at it, though. MATT: I know. She'd never played an RPG before. When we had the opportunity to bring guests on the show, it was like, oh, we have to see if Mary can make it. And Will, who I'd worked with on Thundercats and a few other projects between, he's a huge fantasy buff, as you've seen in the previous Q&A. He loves fantasy, but he'd never played an RPG before. We had conversations about D&D back when we began our campaign, and he kept asking about it, and I could see that twinkle in his eye of interest, and I was like, "Well, we have a guest spot coming up. Would you be interested in playing?" He was like, "I have no idea what I'm doing. Sure." And so we got together at the Coral Cafe, and we built a character, went over the rules a bit, and he's like, "I still don't know what I'm doing, but sure." And he did great, and the dynamic's been fantastic, and I'm glad they had an opportunity to actually play together when they came back for a couple episodes. That was cool. LIAM: Back in seven seconds. MARISHA: I love that, in classic Windows fashion, the tablet decided to update and restart in the middle of all this, so we don't have access to the chat anymore. MATT: Good job, Windows Surface. Windows Surface kicks ass. We'll get back to you, chatroom, here, in a minute. TALIESIN: Twitter asks, "When making sketches for inventions, does Matt ever shut you down, or 'you 'can certainly try' you?" And, no, usually if it comes to the sketch point, it's the, "I don't understand what you want to do, please explain to me what you want to do", and I'm pretty good-- I try really hard not to push the technology of anything Percy makes past 1901, 1880. I'm not looking to bring the Vietnam era to D&D. (laughter) Machine guns are fancy and wonderful, but I'm shooting musket balls, so I don't even have bullet technology yet. And even with the lightning glove, I sent sketches of something that would sort of pretty much work. I don't know what would have happened if you hit it with lightning, but it was definitely a rudimentary electrical generation system that would have fit in a glove. MATT: Yeah. There's, for Percy, this consideration of what your ideas are versus what, number one, would be functional in the world, two, how far, these designs, could you actually produce based on your experience in the engineering realm. Even things that were available in a historical sense, in certain time periods, those were people that spent their entire life steeped in these feats of engineering. Whenever you bring me an idea, it would be like trying to marry what you're trying to accomplish versus what would be viable within the game, and finding balance as it is, but an aspect of your class features. TALIESIN: I have no interest in breaking the world any further than where his story is literally that he broke the world, which I'm sure will come up again at some point. MATT: What are you talking about? I can't imagine it'll ever come up. TALIESIN: No. That's fine. It's all over. MARISHA: @NerdyEquestrian on Twitter: "Is there something growing between Vex and Percy?" LIAM: Actually, hold that thought. Because I have a question that's not the same question, it's not for me, but it's related to that, and that is, "Who is Pike in love with?" And I don't want an answer. Instead I'd ask the audience, people who are asking questions like that or what's in the letter. Don't you think that's like asking while you're reading the first Harry Potter book why Harry wasn't killed by his nemesis? It's a book. Do you really want to know the last chapter when you're in the first chapter? ASHLEY: Because we could tell you! LIAM: Wouldn't you rather the story unfold in front of your eyes? MARISHA: There's a lot of who-are-you-guys-jonesing-for questions about the two of you. TALIESIN: I don't talk about who I'm jonesing for, in general. Percy does not talk about these things. LIAM: Taliesin or Percy? TALIESIN: Oh, Taliesin does. Taliesin will never shut up about it. (laughter) I am terrible, as everybody knows. I am terrible at that. MATT: That's pretty great. TALIESIN: Yeah, Percy has no interest in-- LIAM: What's in that letter, I would much rather, as an audience member who gets to sit on the set while we play the game, see that come out in the story and have my mind blown, rather than on Twitter be like, "Oh, well, it's this and this and this and this." Just enjoy the roller coaster. MARISHA: I desperately want to know what's in the letter. ASHLEY: The letter! MATT: I want to know really bad. LIAM: I want to know at the right time! ASHLEY: That letter was so lovely that in the game, there was about five minutes where I wanted to cry. Sam wrote this letter. LIAM: It's 30 shit jokes, isn't it? MATT: It's just dickbutts for four pages. So many dickbutts. ASHLEY: But it was so beautifully written. He knew nobody would see it, except for me, maybe unless I were to just post it and be a jerk about it. LIAM: I took a photo of it, but I deleted it. I could have read it, but I didn't. ASHLEY: I know. You did. You could have read it. But it was paragraphs and paragraphs that were so beautifully written, and that was a moment in the game for me where I was like, "Does Pike have-- whoa! There could be a little something-- Scanlan!" Just because it was so beautiful, it made me pause. Life is so complicated! Yes, he might have Cyrano de Bergerac-ed me. Who knows. That sounds a little weird. LIAM: You just got cubed. MATT: Lucas, real fast, we lost the chat room over here on the tablet, if you could get that going. MARISHA: Windows decided to update. It's not your fault. MATT: It was like, oh, hey, guys, updating, because Windows. LUCAS: It does that. MATT: As a hardcore PC user, you get used to it. I've been using Windows 7 for so long, and every two days, it's like, "You want Windows 10? You sure you don't want Windows 10? Here's Windows 10!" ASHLEY: "I'm just going to give it to you." MATT: "All you've got to do is press this button. You've just got to press this red button right here." You can't really click anywhere else but the button. All the buttons install Windows 10. Thanks, guys. And I finally was like, "Okay. I'll install. I'll try this out." Five minutes later: back to Windows 7. I'll eventually get there, I'm sure. Cool, thank you, buddy. "Matt, did you plant Zahra's flying cloak and Vex's flying broom?" No. The flying cloak she purchased with funds that her character had accrued up until that point, based on what was established after the dragon fight, the first battle she did. Between the cloak and the dragonslaying arrow are the two things she used all of her funds on. That was purely on her end. (Windows startup noise) Oh, thank you! You're working! Updates are installed. As far as the broom, that was purely chosen by Hardwick when we made his character. With his funds that he was given, he was able to choose to spend it on items he wanted. He was like, "Oh, flying broom! That looks cool. I'll take that." And I was like, "All right. I know who's going to want that." I immediately knew as soon as it happened, if he pulls that out, who's going to gun for it. And as soon as he did, Vex's eyes went-- ASHLEY: Gimme! MATT: I wasn't expecting that to happen. I think Hardwick's still jokingly bent out of shape about it. I've seen him a few times. We went to Renn Faire the week before last, and he was like, "I got to get my broom back, man." And I'm like, "Yeah, have fun with that. Good luck." TALIESIN: He'd have to come back on the show at the very least. MATT: I know. We'll see. LIAM: Work on your sleight-of-hand technique. MATT: Exactly. Arcane casters can be tricksy. I'm just glad he was able to guest. His schedule is so crazy. That was a lot of fun. Yeah, that broom was fully on him. He brought it and he lost it. LIAM: I'll answer another quick Vaxleth question, which is, what inspired it? I think that all during the home game, and even at the beginning of the game on the show, Vax had the same opinion of Keyleth as his sister, which was, "Come on. Are you serious?" most of the time. "Goody two-shoes? Really?" I don't remember what it was, I promise I don't remember what it was, but something happened in one game. I remember thinking about it after the show and then talking to Matt in the next day or two, going like, "Can you do this in Dungeons & Dragons? Like, would this be okay? Would you be okay with it? I'm not going to go anywhere with it, but would that be okay?" That's where it came from. And the reason I thought it would be fun for the game is the same reason I think why Taliesin had Percy give Grog an evil, sentient sword. Because it would make the game interesting. It would totally shift the game pieces on the board and add new dynamics in unpredictable ways. I'm not treating it like a dating sim where the end result for me playing D&D was "winning the princess". It's just to see how things could change in the next year of gameplay. TALIESIN: Absolutely, there are decisions that you make that are specifically like, I don't want my character to learn that much that quickly. I don't want him to be that smart and that, "Well, I've learned a valuable lesson about how to treat people and how to--" Nope! Here. Yours. Cool. LIAM: It's been done this way for a year. Let's see what happens if we move this over here and that over there. MARISHA: A lot of people think I'm leading Vax on. LIAM: Ah, whatever. I'm having fun. TALIESIN: It's fun. I'll say both Taliesin and Percy are really amused by the entire situation. MARISHA: That's good. ASHLEY: Same. So is Ashley/Pike. MATT: Question from AaronShot on Reddit, saying, "Matt, give us a little tease. When you talked about illegal substances being on the market in Emon during one of the Q&As at a con last year, how much world-building have you done to date that we have not seen yet? Wildemount, Marquet." As much as I can. It's a progressive thing I'm developing and have been for years. Free time has not been copious. This show is a fantastic thing every week that takes up a lot of my free time. We have a lot of cool things we have coming up that we want to hopefully announce that take a lot of my free time. This is one thing that I'm always working on. I have fleshed out a good portion of Marquet. I've fleshed out elements of Wildemount. It's not as fleshed out as others. Othanzia and Tal'Dorei are the two most fleshed out in my world, because those are the two where you guys have spent your most time. Whenever this game's done, we start a new campaign, it'll probably still be in Exandria, but it might start in Marquet. It might start somewhere else in the world and have a whole different cultural flavor and flair, and it'll be a whole different side to this world. And there'll be references to and history that exists that you would know, because you were part of it before, but you'll be a whole new group of adventurers in a whole different part of the world. That'll be fun. LIAM: I would say part of the reason that I didn't want to fight Umbrasyl, most of it was because I didn't think we were ready. But part of it is because I'm looking at this game like a game of Fallout. I want to go to the corners of the map. I want to go to Marquet. I want to go to the bottom of the ocean. I want to go to all of these places where the Vestiges are. MARISHA: I want to go off the map! LIAM: Are we really mainlining the quest? Really? That's what we're doing? What about all these side things that Matt's got? I want to be a completionist. MARISHA: There's so much to do. MATT: You play it carefully, you still can. Whatever that means. (nervous chatter and laughter) Oh, it's so much fun to mess with them. ASHLEY: People have asked this before, but I actually like this question. "If you could play another character in-game, who would you pick?" LIAM: One of the other characters? ASHLEY: One of the other characters. MARISHA: Grog. No holds barred. Like, zero fucks. Kill shit. It's great. He's like the polar opposite of Keyleth. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: It would be such a nice palate cleanser. It would be so nice. To be able to be reckless and not care. Break people's necks whenever I want to. Must be nice being Grog. LIAM: I would go Keyleth because I want access to the broad range of magic, and I've been so non-magic the entire time. I don't know shit about magic. I barely know anything. Yeah, Vax-- and side note, before we go into this game, Vax is totally impressed with Keyleth and thinks that she's the most powerful one in the group, and is in awe of it, and feels like a weak dingus, basically, in comparison to everybody. To everybody. ASHLEY: But you do so much damage! LIAM: That's fine. Not Liam! Vax looks at everybody and is like, "Oh, my God! Look at you, shining beacon of hope! Look at this crazy fucking motherfucker who can build stuff out of a tin can! Look at Scanlan, staring into the maw of horror and stupidly thinking everything's okay! Look at my sister, who's not scared of anything!" MARISHA: And look at how much we all hate ourselves. MATT: Oh, that's pretty great. Vax is Sokka, someone said in the chat room. Vax is Sokka from Avatar. MARISHA: Oh! We've got to find Sokka a master! Got to find you your own sword! LIAM: I've seen the first three seasons of Korra, but not the early one. MATT: Watch it with your kids. They'll love it. Seriously. It's great. LIAM: Okay. I'll get there. MATT: (laughs) It says, "Gilmore started out as kind of a caricature and was a fleshed-out character--" Question went away, but Gilmore didn't start out as a caricature in my head. I never want to make an NPC a caricature per se. There are characters that have strong personality traits and they emerge themselves, because for an NPC, you have to make an impact quickly. You don't have a lot of time with them, and you want to try and make the world lively and interesting for your players. So I have certain personality points that are at the forefront of each personality. Gilmore to me was never a caricature, partially because I built him around somebody I used to do theater with when I was younger in high school, so I already had a personality print for him. But also I really wanted to show a character that could be ostentatious and flamboyant in a way that was fun and not a caricature. If that didn't come across, my apologies. Gilmore is a very charismatic, very outgoing salesman, and that's part of his job. He uses that to his advantage. MARISHA: He's also very deep. I don't think any of us have looked at him as a one-dimensional character. MATT: But people have their interpretations. I care very much about the character. LIAM: First appearance, we were rolling laughing. We didn't know what was coming. There was so much panache. MATT: That's his whole thing. He's a showman, and that's so much of his personality. And as you guys got to know him better, especially you, he let you peek behind the veil a bit and see-- ASHLEY: Yeah, you peeked behind the veil. MATT: The world-wearied individual, there's a lot of depth to the character. TALIESIN: I love your Scarlet Pimpernel-- MATT: Very much so. Percival from Scarlet Pimpernel-ish. MARISHA: Also someone was asking if he was based off of a real person. MATT: Yes, he was. He was based off a person in high school that I did theater with. I'm not going to say who, because he's on Facebook. (laughter) LIAM: He's also been one of the greatest pleasures for me for this game, because it wasn't anything that I saw coming. It was really funny and surprising the first time at home, and then he came back several times, and right from the first time that Gilmore appeared, he zeroed in on Vax and was sweet on Vax. It was nervous laughter the first time, and then slowly over time it got more charming, and more charming, up to the point where you guys have seen that probably Vax is legitimately taken with him, definitely intrigued by him. ASHLEY: He charmed your pants off. LIAM: Charmed my-- almost charmed my pants off. Just before. And then some people are like, "It should be Vax and Gilmore!" Like, I get it. Gilmore's a great character, and Vax was definitely taken with him. We probably saw Gilmore two to three weeks of the last three years? Maybe more? I've traveled-- Vax and Keyleth, though, have been traveling together for years. So, I mean-- ASHLEY: It's a deep-rooted love. MARISHA: And we were friends first, which is how they always say you should do it. (laughter) MATT: I will say on that fact, too, because someone asked this question, and they said there have been hints on the characters that have exhibited LGBT relationships in the game, but a lot of characters seem to be husband-and-wife-type personalities. Are those only a small number of people, and I'm like, no. I don't make a big deal of sexuality in the game unless it comes up, because I don't think it's something that should drive the story, it just exists in the world. I think there's relationships of all kinds in Exandria. And I think culturally, just like in the real world, some places it's more appropriate than not, based on wherever they live. It doesn't mean I agree with that, by any means. I believe love is love no matter where you find it. And there are places in Exandria where it is more acceptable than others. And that's a whole different story element that might come up depending on where you travel in the world, I don't know. LIAM: Hey, guys, we're in Hollywood. We're all leftie communists. We're good. ASHLEY: We're all commies. MATT: But yeah. Like many writers, I err on the side of creating an interesting character who might happen to be gay. Or an interesting character that may happen to be bisexual. I try not to make that a defining characteristic of the personality, nor do I want to try and go out of my way to have a one-off NPC that you encounter be like, "Oh, by the way, I have a wife and I'm a girl." Because that to me seems like it's forced, it's shoehorned and now it's not about the story, it's about that relationship, whereas if the relationship were to come about as part of the story then that's just how it is, because that's life. LIAM: My primary character trait is heterosexuality, and I mean as Liam. MATT: (laughs) How high did you roll on your heterosexual roll when we started your character? LIAM: Four. MATT: Good on you! Hey guys, this isn't FATAL. We're not rolling for vaginal circumference. (sounds of disgust) Yeah, there's an RPG that does that. It's the most misogynist, awful RPG. It's a great example of how not to develop and design a game if you haven't seen it, or don't see it, it'll just make you angry. Don't look up FATAL. TALIESIN: No. There's places you just don't go on the internet. MATT: All right, anyway. We got time for a few more questions before we take a break and go into the Battle Royale. For those guys who didn't have your questions answered tonight, I apologize, we've gotten a lot of questions. I'll try and go on the Reddit occasionally to answer questions through this thread in the coming months or so, off and on, and feel free to throw them back at us on Twitter afterward. We'll answer them as we can. MARISHA: Someone was asking for you to explain where the College of the Maestro came from. MATT: Oh, College of the Maestro. Yeah, I put up a College of the Maestro bard college on DMs Guild recently, and that came from a character-- I may have mentioned it in previous Q&As. I've never played a bard, but I've always wanted to. I love bard classes, I love the aspect behind them. They were really underappreciated in previous editions, but I loved the idea of a guy who knows a little bit about everything and is an inspiration to the party around him, and so I had this character concept for a long time to make a bard-- probably a dwarven bard, because I love dwarves also-- who, as opposed to playing music or singing music, could pluck the sound from the air around them. The sound of battle. The impact of a sword against a shield, or the sound of a creature chittering as it attacks, and mold it into a symphony, almost like a soundbender where they pull and turn it into music, and that was their basis. So instead of fighting with a weapon, they have a wand and an open hand, and they stand in the middle or the back of the battlefield and conduct it, like an orchestra conductor. ASHLEY: That's rad. MATT: Eventually I got really frustrated and was like, "I'm going to make this as a bard college and we'll see if people like it." It's gotten a good response. It's still being tweaked. Anything homebrew you try and balance it as best you can. At first blast, I don't have a lot of time to really finetune it, and I wanted to get it out there to get the community response, and it's been really great. You guys have had great feedback and I'm tweaking things as we go, so there'll probably be a couple more updates in the next few weeks or months. So thank you all, people who have reached out and given comments on DMs Guild or on the Reddit thread. It's making its way towards hopefully being a fun option for those who want to try it out. If you don't like it, you don't have to play it. TALIESIN: In my mind I'm imagining Fronk, our local noise DJ. "I take the sounds, the sounds, I put them together, and they make noises." MATT: Oh my God, please somebody make a College of the Maestro bard that is a deep noise DJ. (laughter) "I now use my bardic inspiration die to drop the beat." Dubstep bard. Please, please. MARISHA: @ChaoticNachos on Twitter asks: "What shirt are you wearing, Liam?" LIAM: Oh, this is a Loot Crate shirt. It's from one of the last couple of boxes, you can still get it. It's alien-involved. ASHLEY: This has been one of my favorite shirts that they've put out. MARISHA: This is the X-Files shirt. This is when X-Files came back. ASHLEY: It's so good. LIAM: I'm going to answer a super quick one and then pass one on to Matt that I want to hear the answer to. "Why did the twins know Abyssal?" We learned it in elf school, like Latin. And then TukRoll asks: "The vegetables of the virgins is such a cool story arc, will you release the quest line after this?" MATT: Vegetables of the virgins? LIAM: Yes. (laughter) ASHLEY: What? LIAM: Vestiges of Divergence. MATT: The vegetable of the virgins, that's a DVD set you don't let anyone know you own. ASHLEY: I completely misunderstood. The vegetables of the virgins. MATT: We've all made that mistake, right? LIAM: Tuk means the Vestiges of Divergence. Are you going to drop that on the earth? MATT: Possibly, a lot of this content right now, I'm developing as we go and I can't really release too much when we're still playing through it. LIAM: You know, really, I just wanted to read that tweet out. MATT: You did good. ASHLEY: You did great. MARISHA: How did I miss that? Is that like a thing that's been happening, because I missed that. MATT: I'm hoping in the future to release elements of Exandria or elements of the campaign on DMs Guild or other means to have you guys play more in what we've done if it interests you, or to take and alter as you like. But time has to fight itself to me first. LIAM: Send you that pocket universe to get inside of. ASHLEY: People do keep asking who Pike is in love with, and same as what Liam said. We'll see. It might not ever happen in game. Maybe it won't. But she's in love with somebody. It's something that happened prior to playing the show. It was a moment that happened and feelings were formed. It might not even be somebody in the group. It could even be an NPC character. LIAM: Trinket. Totally Trinket. It's Trinket. That's the forbidden love. ASHLEY: It's Trinket. It's Trinket. God, you guys! Figured it out. MARISHA: @CmdrDara on Twitter says, "How do I get my fellow party members to not be murderhobos?" LIAM: Good luck. MATT: My suggestion is, consider, if your character is a murderhobo, there are ramifications for that type of action in a society. You as a DM, it's your responsibility to keep in mind, there probably-- unless they're in some sort of destitute place where that's totally fine-- there are going to be guards. There are going to be sentinels. There are going to be people that their job is to stop murderhobos from coming in and being murderhobos. So they will become wanted. They will become hunted. There's a possibility there might be a bounty put on their heads, from individuals that are more powerful than the party. And if they're going to be real dicks about it and not try and play the story you've created, and want to murder everyone, they're probably going to end up shot to death in an alley with a bunch of crossbow bolts and that's the end of their game. That's a valuable lesson to learn. If it's a world which enables a murderhobo-type circumstance, that's different, and you can find narratives in there, but it's definitely more of an evil campaign, and a little harder to run unless you have some experience as a GM. But if it's something you don't want to happen in the game, keep in mind, there are ramifications for such horrible, murderous actions, which could lead to a really interesting story. Perhaps they killed a few people and they all of a sudden meet the families of these individuals, or the person that captures them is related to someone they murdered, and decides no, I'm not going to execute you, I'm going to make you work for me until you realize what you've done. Or perhaps a paladin or a cleric that actually feels sorry for them is like, "You did a horrible thing, but I don't understand why you did this. I want to understand it. Until then, you're under my watch." Now they're working for this individual who is trying to understand how you were so corrupted as people. You can find different ways to turn that behavior into part of the story. But if it's just the players trolling you, maybe have a talk with your party to work with you and respect the time you've put into the game. MARISHA: And what happens if your fellow party members are murderhobos and you're not? MATT: Then stand up. Stand up in the story and pull a Keyleth, and be like, "Guys, this is wrong!" ASHLEY: #PullAKeyleth. MATT: And if they turn around and stab your character to death? Perhaps this isn't the gaming group you should be hanging with. LIAM: Maybe your DM could create an all-powerful hobo lich who could murder them. ASHLEY: #PullAKeyleth, except if it's children. (laughter) TALIESIN: Just like in real life, though, you really have to pick your friends. We've had games where not everyone's playing the same game, and it becomes a problem. I've been in that game several times in my life, where there's three different games happening. Find everybody who wants to play the game you want to play. MATT: Yeah. And as a GM or DM, before you even start the game, have a conversation with all your players to discuss the kind of game you're all looking for. Be like, "Hey, guys, this is the kind of game I want to run. And it's got some story, some intrigue, political elements, and some combat balanced in." Some players may be like, "Oh, I just want to come in, kick down doors, kill shit and take loot." You want to make sure you all are agreed upon the type of game you want to play, so you don't end up four games in before everyone hates each other. I will also-- TALIESIN: I've got one here. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: This one kind of amused me. Stefan Pennington said, "You said what your characters' greatest flaws were. What do you think your characters' greatest virtues are?", which I thought was funny. We've never talk about what's good about our characters very often, because what's wrong with us is so much more interesting. MARISHA: That is true. TALIESIN: I know. This is an interesting thought. Percy I would say is-- he is genuinely filled with gratitude towards the people who saved him from the abyss that he was falling into. He is very grateful. He is many, many things, but he is deeply, deeply grateful for the people in his life, and is willing to do some dumb stuff that he knows is dumb because of it. MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: I know. I want to hear what I'm going to be killing in here. Let me know what dies tonight. MARISHA: Well, I was going to say, I think Keyleth has her blind guidance, that I don't think she's aware-- like, her positive effect that she has on Vox Machina, that I don't think she's even aware of, that I think she-- because Keyleth is under the assumption that she's constantly ignored and that people are like, not-- No. Right! No, I know! LIAM: I feel like she doesn't know that, but-- MARISHA: I know that, but she's-- I don't think she realizes the influences that-- I don't think she actually realizes the power of her influence that she actually can wield for the better. TALIESIN: I'm so glad that she hasn't learned the mom voice yet. MARISHA: No. Pike gets close. TALIESIN: I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed. Oh my god. MARISHA: Pike has gotten close a few times with Grog, with her-- you're like, one look, man. One look, Grog. ASHLEY: Yeah, I've got it down to a look instead of a word. I think that was a moment in game of me with Travis being, stop it! Do not die again. MATT: That's pretty great. LIAM: We're not going to clean this up afterwards, we're going to cut it off right now! ASHLEY: When I watched it back, I was-- when I watched it back, when I saw the little gif, I was like, yikes! I was so intense. LIAM: Colin Dorrey @e_jeansegast asks, "Speaking of Gilmore, is Vax bisexual?" Duh. Good question. TALIESIN: Three on the Kinsey scale. MATT: Oh! We have Zoaga on Reddit asks: "Quick question for Matt: As we've seen, you've tinkered with the stats of the ancient dragons in the Conclave. Without going into specific details, do you have any idea what kind of challenge rating these modifications might put them at?" I don't. I try and measure it, but a lot of the measurements are based on parties of four, maybe five. We have a party of seven, sometimes eight people when we have guests on, and because of the nature of us coming from Pathfinder to this game, and I tend to run games a little higher-power than the average, I've had to adjust a lot of the difficulty in the game, which has been an interesting challenge for me as a DM, but also means that the scale is going to continue to get more epic. I have to tweak it, because we have a lot of powerful characters with powerful items, but that's the kind of game I wanted to run anyway. The next game might be a little more low-powered depending on where it starts. We shall see. I've learned a lot. Remember, I came into this -- we went from Pathfinder to Fifth Edition when we started the stream, really our first time playing Fifth Edition, so there's been balancing lessons learned as we progress, and a lot of circumstances that caught me and the players off-guard as far as difficulty. That's part of the fun of the game. So for me, it's learning through experience, previous encounters, learning the players' strengths and weaknesses, and finding ways to tweak creatures that better fit those to be a real challenge when it has to be and to not be a real challenge when it doesn't have to be. Not every battle has to be a fight to the death, to the teeth ever, because sometimes fights are enjoyable for players to show up and fight basilisks that once tore them asunder and be like, oh, we come back and we tear you down! It's fun to have those quick victories sometimes. But yeah, you have to find it through practice, and the DMG scaling does help a lot, but on this level, this size of a party with what they have at their disposal, I kind of have to wing a lot of it. LIAM: The Raistlin level. ASHLEY: Do we have-- does this go towards anything, like is this extra credit? MATT: What, this? No. There's no experience points for this. This is for fun. This is just for fun. This is for the bragging rights of saying you can beat the shit out of the rest of your own party. LIAM: There's a fun one for me. Someone said, "What characters do your kids play? Would you ever introduce Vax or Vox Machina into their quests?" I hadn't thought of that. I'm going to do it. Thank you for the suggestion. I started with my son who's nine. He's with three boys, and my son is a half-elf druid with a dragonborn fighter and a dragonborn rogue. Then my daughter got interested, so I started doing a separate game with my daughter and my son where my son plays a dwarven wizard and my daughter plays an elven druid, and then my daughter got into it, so now I'm doing one with four girls where my daughter is a gnome rogue, and there's a gnome cleric, and there is a gnome druid, and a human monk. And I am up to my neck in Dungeons and Dragons lately, thank you Matthew Mercer. MATT: (laughs) You're welcome. Someone send him some Best Dad awards. MARISHA: Because Ashley made a Keyleth killing a child joke, now I got the questions, "Were there ramifications for Keyleth killing the child?" Yeah. TALIESIN: She still has to hear about it all the time. ASHLEY: But it was the-- one of the funniest moments in the game? It was-- For me, I thought it was so funny, which is terrible. Because you were just doing this amazing thing-- LIAM: You're all learning a lot about Ashley right now. ASHLEY: I know. I think, if I ever rolled another character, it would be the most evil, terrible person. LIAM: Yeah, I think you have to. ASHLEY: For me, I thought it was kind of funny because you were like, I just want to help! And then he was like, and you killed a child. LIAM: You know, it's not real. You know, it's paper and dice. TALIESIN: And it's really hard to find a greeting card for that. Like, I've been looking for years to find a pop-up-- snap! MARISHA: Hey, sorry you killed a child. Oh god, oh god! MATT: That's horrible, that's horrible! LIAM: A musical card? ASHLEY: It was up there with the moment Scanlan had the knife ready to go and then he kept going out the window. TALIESIN: Yeah, that was so amazing. MARISHA: Well, I pretty much did the same thing, too, when I accidentally killed the half-dead dwarf as Minxie by picking him up by the neck when we were in the Underdark. ASHLEY: By his scruff? MARISHA: Yeah, I picked him up by the scruff and he had one hit point left. It was just enough. MATT: Like, snap. Ooh. MARISHA: That was where the "I try so hard and I'm the worst" came from. ASHLEY: You have had so many of those moments and those are some of the best moments. You've had so many of those where you're like, guys, I got this. I'm here to help. MARISHA: Yeah, Keyleth's the worst. She's-- ASHLEY: No, she's the best. MATT: The reactionary push into the lava's one of my favorites. She's like, "I don't know what to do! I'm sorry!" Just pushing him down into the lava as he's like (screaming). "I'm sorry!" That was so funny. MARISHA: Go to sleep. Go to sleep. It'll be over soon. (laughter) LIAM: On the flip side, one of our home moments was amazing-- it's actually on my vine account-- which was Keyleth walking up to a shambling mound? Was it a shambling mound? MATT: It was a corrupt treant. LIAM: A corrupt treant. We were going to have to fight that thing and you went (blugh) and it went (groaning) and wandered off and we were all like (yelling). MARISHA: No, it was great. MATT: I can't remember what spell it was, but it was something that essentially you can charm a specific plant-based monster, and it failed its saving throw. It was going to be this epic encounter with this giant corrupted treant in the middle of the Bramble Forest. MARISHA: It was Dominate Plants. During Pathfinder days. MATT: Yeah. It was this big old bramble forest that led up to the actual home of the Dread Emperor and it walked out and was like (roars) and you're like, "Sit down and sleep." "Okay." And that was it and I was like, well done. MARISHA: You know, I like-- believing in the what I like to call the Community zodiac, as in Dan Harmon's Community, and Keyleth is definitely the Britta of the Community zodiac. She's Britta. MATT: I like that. TALIESIN: No, yeah. I totally see that. LIAM: What you got under that blanket? MATT: Well, we'll find out here shortly. Let's do one more question and then we're going to take a break and come back here for the Battle Royale. MARISHA: Make it a good one! MATT: I know! I'm trying to see. Let's go for the chat. We've done a lot of these. Chat, let's see what we got. This'll be our last question for the night. MARISHA: Keyleth is totally Britta. See? LIAM: Unless that is a hedge maze, I am a dead man. TALIESIN: That's another thing. I think we need Community fanart. MARISHA: Community fanart? Crossover Community fanart? MATT: Chat is going so fast. It's going so fast, oh my god! LIAM: If that's a big room, I'm gone. ASHLEY: That is not true. MATT: This is a quick throwaway. It won't be the last one. Someone asked if I could ever join Vox Machina, what class and race would I be? Dwarf bard. I think I've already specified that. TALIESIN: That's pretty good. MATT: A good final end question. MARISHA: Someone said, "What's worse, doors or dragons?" That's a pretty good question. MATT: We'll find out. (laughs) We'll find out. LIAM: Can't read that stuff. MATT: I know, it's going so fast. It's okay. I'm glad you guys are so excited to ask questions, but I can't. TALIESIN: Wow, it's like-- MATT: It's like looking into the abyss. MARISHA: Yeah, this is about the time where I'm like, do I need glasses? TALIESIN: It's going to be three minutes of us staring at the-- MATT: I can see through time. LIAM: Somebody asked-- here's a big question. I didn't see it on there, but somebody asked which character dying would have the biggest overall effect on the group? MATT: I don't want to answer that, because then it's going to subconsciously make me feel really awful if they die. I don't want to answer that. LIAM: Never mind. Bad idea. MATT: I don't want that to happen. Interesting idea. ASHLEY: Do you have someone in your head, though? MATT: No, I don't. I don't want that in my head. I don't want any of that in my head. If it happens, it happens. LIAM: Forget it. What are the dimensions of the cube? MATT: The dimensions of the cube? (laughs) Sam's cube? LIAM: That's one by one. ASHLEY: Forget it. Just how do we kill the dragon, and then we'll stop. MARISHA: Yeah. Someone asked if Umbrasyl was suicidally depressed yet. MATT: Who's the Hodor of the group? Oh. We're not going to talk about that. Also, spoilers. TALIESIN: Spoilers! God, some of us haven't had time. ASHLEY: Have you watched it? TALIESIN: I haven't even started this season yet. MATT: Hodor has an amazing moment. TALIESIN: I've heard. The internet told me. MATT: Hush. It's awesome. Have you ever regretted a decision you made, either in character or while DMing? We'll have this as our final question for the evening. MARISHA: Regretted a decision in character or while DMing? LIAM: I got mine ready to go. MARISHA: Go. LIAM: Using my Cape of the Mountebank for the first time to teleport to the other side of the glass and save everybody! (clunk) Oh fuck. It was like, my stomach just went-- MATT: That was going to be their turn, leave, and hit the button as they left circumstance, and you went right there and hit it. I'm like, well, that saves them the problem of it. LIAM: Thought it was the door opener. Nope. That's all right. It was a great moment. MATT: It was a great moment, but didn't quite work how you thought. LIAM: Whoops! Still alive for one more week. MATT: How about you guys? TALIESIN: The treasure chest, by far. If I had killed Vex, I would have felt really, really terrible. Actually, weirdly, more out-of-character than in-character. I would have felt really awful because that's such a fourth-grade mistake. Really, junior-high-level foolishness. MATT: That's okay. Anything with you guys? MARISHA: So many. ASHLEY: Man, there's so many. There's so many little ones where I'm like (groans). MARISHA: I know. All the time. LIAM: Death by a thousand cuts? MARISHA: Yeah. Oh no. Fuck you, Kilgrave. Well, I get angry at Keyleth sometimes for not being more assertive. And then there's some times that I want to say things as Marisha for Keyleth, but I'm like, no, she wouldn't. She would be bowled over right now and she would go with it. So there's several times where I'm like, (inhale) fuck! Why couldn't you speak up? And then there's some times where the game moves faster than we can keep up with it, and sometimes you're like, I want this to happen. God, there have been three separate times where I've wanted to come knock on your door and it (snaps) the game rolls past it. LIAM: It's a lot of theater etiquette and improv. It's like, you're like, I'm going to, oh no, they're having a moment. And then you kind of forget it, or the moment passes and you got to let it go. MARISHA: Yeah, theater etiquette. I remember, and the audience noticed it, and they were like, if they don't come back to this moment-- I came over, and I sat down and I said-- we were in a tavern, and I said Keyleth puts her head on Vax. She leans her head on Vax. LIAM: Right, and what I was thinking was, Gilmore's over there, and he's looking at this. MARISHA: And then Gilmore walked in. LIAM: He's looking at this and I can't explain this. MARISHA: No, it was literally like a fucking bar scenario. I was like, "Oh, there's Gilmore. Got to go." (laughter) TALIESIN: That whole bar episode was great. ASHLEY: I love that bar episode so much. TALIESIN: Yeah, I want to yell at Percy all the time. He does dumb shit a lot and I'm like, I got to let it happen. LIAM: Vax and Keyleth really like each other, but this is them. MARISHA: Yeah, can't sync up. Cannot. MATT: Ross and Rachel. TALIESIN: Did you just say that? Oh my god. MARISHA: So much Ross and Rachel. Oh my god. So Ross and Rachel. MATT: That's my biggest regret as a DM was saying that right there. (laughter) No, I can't say I have any regrets as a DM story-wise because I let you guys guide so much of it. I build stuff and let it happen and I'm usually happy with things, how they turn out, whether or not I planned on it or not. That to me is what's fascinating and interesting and fun as a DM is being caught off-guard and having to justify and work with it on a constant improv level. I may have regrets mechanically. I might forget elements in battle or might be circumstances that happen. For instance, when Gilmore came in and gave you guys the Heroes' Feast, not thinking at the time, it set you up for a battle with a purple worm and essentially disabled its most dangerous element: its tail poison. I didn't realize it at the time because it just organically happened. But I'm not going to try and hold that back or restrain it in the moment. It happened to work out to be in your favor, and that's how it works sometimes. I just let it happen. So I wouldn't say I really have any regrets. Not because I'm too good for them, just because I let things happen, and I appreciate it for the good and the bad that comes with it and let the story guide itself. LIAM: We entertain ourselves. MATT: I hope so. (laughs) The moment that stops, we need to stop doing this. MARISHA: Oh, and to Greg who says Keyleth probably regrets not reading her spells, and I'm going to join Ashley and speak for you, even though you're not asking for it. We have a lot of fucking spells, man! ASHLEY: So many spells! It's so hard to keep track in the moment when you're stressed! MARISHA: You're so stressed! TALIESIN: And you'll turn to me and be like, am I reading this right? And I'll go, oh yeah. And then a thing will happen like whoa! ASHLEY: That's happened so many times where you're like, and I'll show it to Laura or Travis and be like, is this right? TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah, no, this is going to be fine. MARISHA: Well, and people don't understand either, along with DM rule-bending, we don't necessarily know how you're going to interpret the spell. There's a ton of things like Mist Form that I didn't know how it was going to act in the moment and it didn't mean I didn't read it. I read all of my spells hundreds of times. I have hundreds. I have hundreds, and I've read all of them and I will try them in the moment and sometimes they'll work in my favor and sometimes they won't. I don't always know. MATT: Which is fine. A big part of D&D is fucking up. That's just how it is. In any good game there's going to be fuck-ups. We just roll with it. TALIESIN: Yeah. LIAM: It's not appellate law. MATT: Yeah. Well, guys, we're going to come back here in a few minutes and do our Battle Royale. We're going to go ahead and get you guys to use the restroom and get ready, get your characters-- We've leveled everybody up-- (fierce growls, laughter) --for the purposes of this fight, everyone's been leveled up to a baseline level 14, so everyone's at an even scope. ASHLEY: Because I'm behind. TALIESIN: I'm behind. ASHLEY: Oh, okay, okay, okay. MATT: So let's go ahead and take a break. We'll be back here in a few minutes and we'll see which member of Vox Machina in this battle will stand supreme. LIAM: The answer is "not me." [break] MATT: Welcome back, everybody. We're about to jump here in the Battle Royale. We wanted to let you guys know as part of our final week of the Loot Crate sponsorship. Their June theme is dystopia. MARISHA: Is it really? MATT: Yeah, it's dystopia, which is cool. ASHLEY: That sounds awesome! MATT: It's going to feature RoboCop, Terminator 3, Matrix. It involves Fallout 4 and Bioshock Infinite stuff. MARISHA: Wait, did you say Matrix? MATT: Yes. ASHLEY: Wow. MARISHA: I haven't heard that in a while. TALIESIN: No, the world that created the Matrix film is a desolate, sad place. MATT: (laughter) Compared to the sequels, yeah. In order to get this crate, you have to sign up by the 19th at 9:00 PM Pacific to be able to get the dystopian crate when it goes out. But once again, you can get three dollars off your subscription by going to lootcrate.com/criticalrole and enter criticalrole as your code, one word, criticalrole. I was really happy when they printed the Pip-Boy statue. Marisha's going to get her dice. MARISHA: Are these mine? Yeah-- MATT: There you go. All right, so welcome back as we kick into-- (dramatic music) MARISHA: Oh my god, you guys. MATT: So. Suddenly, a flash of white takes your vision, and as the white fades, you see, at the end of a long, blue sky-like tunnel, a man standing, dark, curly, almost permed hair, a suit with a white, wide polyester lapel, white track pants, and white shoes. He approaches, his chest almost visible. He speaks with you with confidence, the voice of God, the voice of everything. He goes "Hello, Vox Machina, I am the Beyonder." (laughter) "And I have decided for fun, I wanted to see which one of you guys could fight. I did this thing once with a bunch of heroes and it got crazy, so I am scaling it down. You four, let's see who beats the crap out of the others, shall we?" He snaps his fingers and with that, it flashes to black and the air around you gets hotter and hotter. You feel yourself sweating in darkness and suddenly, your vision comes to you and you see before you a landscape of molten rock and lava. TALIESIN: Is that actually your Beyonder voice if it ever happens? MATT: That's exactly how I think a Beyonder would sound if he were to show up in an event. So, that being the case, ladies and gentlemen, let's go ahead and roll initiative. (groans) ASHLEY: What?! MARISHA: Where am I? MATT: You're right there. ASHLEY, MARISHA: This is ridiculous. LIAM: I'm using a luck right now. MARISHA: Already? So soon. MATT: Roll initiative, guys. MARISHA: 18. MATT: All right, Ashley? ASHLEY: Seven MATT: Okay, so a total of seven. We have 25-20? 20-15? TALIESIN: 17. LIAM, MARISHA: 18. LIAM: (singing) I got you, babe. (laughter) MATT: All right, to see which of you goes first, I am going to have you guys both roll off again for initiative. LIAM: 20 again? MATT: 20 again, both of you. MARISHA: (groans) Natural one. LIAM: Four. (laughter) MATT: All right, so Vax is going slightly before Keyleth, then Percy, then we have Pike. All righty, so first round is Vax's. Vax, what are you going to do? LIAM: Holy crap. Okay, with the assassin feature, I have advantage now because I'm going first. I'm going to throw a dagger right at Percy's head. Am I within 60 feet? MATT: You are, yes. (counting) ASHLEY: Right out of the motherfucking gate. TALIESIN: Do you have my sword or do you not have my sword right now? MATT: Yes, he is within 50 feet. LIAM: This is our basic stuff. Even if I had it, I'm not using that. MATT: Yeah, this is basic weapons. LIAM: Oh good, that's a 29. MATT: What's your AC, Percy? TALIESIN: My AC is 18, but I'm going to try and use the gloves of missile snaring. That brings it to a-- MATT: The damage of it, at least. Let him roll damage first. TALIESIN: Oh yeah, roll damage. That hits. LIAM: (counting) 39, and this is the dagger of venom, and I want him to roll versus poison. MATT: So 39 damage, and you want to do your gloves of missile snaring? TALIESIN: I'll do my 39 damage right now. I didn't roll the right die. MATT: Set it aside. TALIESIN: That's 13 points off that, so that's-- LIAM: How does that work? MATT: He basically grabs your dagger out of the air and stops some of the damage before it strikes. LIAM: Automatically, or does he have to succeed to do it? MATT: No, it just lowers the damage. TALIESIN: That's 13 points off that, so that's-- MATT: 26 damage you take, piercing damage. And I need you to go ahead and make-- is it a constitution saving throw? LIAM: Yes, 15 is the DC. TALIESIN: Constitution saving throw. That's a d20, right? MATT: Yes, it is. TALIESIN: Yep. MATT: It succeeds. LIAM: Okay. MATT: What are you doing, Vax? LIAM: Now, quick question, Matt. If I were to attack him three times in a row, right? The next two get no sneak attack, I know that. If I move to another target, do they get sneak attack or no in this instance? MATT: No, you only get to sneak attack once per round. LIAM: One time per round. MATT: Correct, and remember, you have not activated your boots yet. LIAM: I click them now. MATT: Okay. (laughter) LIAM: Thanks, buddy. MATT: Looking at the item real fast, too. Is there an activation cost for the boots? LIAM: Boots of haste, Laura has that piece of paper. MATT: Oh right. We will say for the purposes, it would be a bonus action to activate it. LIAM: What's the lighting like in here? There's the light from-- MATT: This whole room is low light. It is just the glow from the lava in here. Since a number of you have darkvision, it's not a huge deal within 60 feet, but it is considered technically low light. LIAM: Okay, I'm going to use my action to go stealth. That's action, action, bonus action. You're saying the boots-- I don't think I have ever used a bonus action before when clicking the boots, so we need to change things from here on out. You've never called me on it in 50 games. MATT: Right, usually it was the first round that you did it, but it's fine. LIAM: Okay, then with your permission, I am going to use my-- I am going to throw another dagger. I totally miss and I am going to let it go. It was a one. I am going to step past that wall there, I can do it myself. MATT: You can! You can reach out and actually change things as you are. LIAM: Okay, I'm hasted so I get double speed. As soon as I'm there-- (whispering) MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll a stealth check. MARISHA, TALIESIN, ASHLEY: (singing) Secrets! MARISHA: Second luck down already. Damn. MATT: All right, I need Keyleth and Percy to roll perception checks. MARISHA: 29. TALIESIN: 11. MATT: Okay, you guys both-- actually, all three of you watch as Vax turns behind the corner and vanishes from sight. You have no idea where he is. You know he is somewhere in this area, but that's all you know. MARISHA: (groans) Every damn time. (laughter) MATT: That is the end of your turn. Keyleth, you're up. MARISHA: All right, so bonus action is different than a free action, right? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Okay. As my action, I am going to cast Sunbeam. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: And I guess since Percy's the one in my line of sight, I am going to be beaming it right at Percy. TALIESIN: Am I in line of sight? Yes, I am in line of sight, aren't I? Do I have partial cover from that? No, I don't. MATT: All right, so you're firing it this way? So, what is the-- Sunbeam! All right, Percy, I need you to go ahead, because it is within a 60-foot line, a constitution saving throw. TALIESIN: Constitution saving throw? MATT: Correct. TALIESIN: Constitution saving throw. That's a 19. MATT: What's your DC? MARISHA: 19. MATT: So he saves. MARISHA: Fucking balls! MATT, MARISHA: You take half damage. MATT: As Keyleth, you go and you reach your hand out, and suddenly the room blasts into bright light as a beam of pure solar energy streaks into Percy's face. Percy, you manage to close your eyes and bend out of the way just in time, still taking some of the impact. MARISHA: (counting) 38 halved. TALIESIN: 19 points? MATT: You take 19 points of radiant damage. You are not blinded because you made your save. MARISHA: That is true. As a bonus action, I'm going to cast Grasping Vine-- sorry, Percy. MATT: Grasping Vine, unfortunately, is a 4th-level spell. You have already cast a 6th-level spell. It has to be 2nd or lower. MARISHA: That is true. Never mind then. MATT: I got to pay attention to this stuff. Otherwise, the internet lets me know. (laughter) MARISHA: I'm going to go earth elemental. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Is it going to fit any more? MATT: Barely. LIAM: Holy cow. How high is the ceiling? MATT: (laughing) The ceiling actually is about 30 feet up. It's a domed cavern. LIAM: So watch your head. MATT: You are set into this pocket of very hot earth with no foreseeable exit. MARISHA: And I am going to sink into the ground. MATT: Okay. Keyleth sinks beneath the ground. As you do, you suddenly feel yourself plummeting into a pocket of molten rock which is beneath this entire area here. MARISHA: Okay, I come up really fast. MATT: Okay, but you still go ahead and take damage from this. ASHLEY: And we are dealing with molten lava? MARISHA: This is happening fast! MATT: We will say here, for the purposes of this, everyone gets a nice view of the top of my head. TALIESIN: Bonus camera. MATT: (counting) ASHLEY: We don't know where Vax is? TALIESIN: We do not know where Vax is. We know that he is back there somewhere. MATT: 35 points of fire damage from suddenly submerging yourself partially into molten rock and as your rock form does help resist it somewhat, it still begins to severely damage your earth elemental form and you immediately pop back up into the space you were. MARISHA: In that case-- MATT: In that case? MARISHA: I'm happy where I am. MATT: Happy where you are? MARISHA: I'll stay there. MATT: Okay, Keyleth ends her turn. Percy, you're up. TALIESIN: Let's figure out what we are doing with this. First of all, I'm going to-- You got away, you little son of a bitch. You're hiding back there, aren't you? MATT: You see this giant earth elemental submerge and then come back out of the earth with elements of superheated rock around the edges of its surface. Pike is off to the side, looking about, trying to decide what she's going to do, but you have the jump on her. TALIESIN: First off, I'm going to cast Hex on Keyleth for the moment, because I've got to get that thing off the board. MATT: As a note, Keyleth by the way, because you took fire damage, I need you to make a concentration check to maintain your Sunbeam. MARISHA: What do I have to roll? MATT: Half the damage for-- how much did you take from that? MARISHA: I took 35 damage-- yeah, I am good. MATT: You rolled a-- MARISHA: 15. MATT: 15 plus your constitution-- yeah, you're good. TALIESIN: And I'm going to make you have disadvantage on strength checks. MATT: Strength checks are at disadvantage while you're hexed. What else you got, Percy? TALIESIN: I'm going to hit her with the Retort pistol-- MATT: You whip out Retort. TALIESIN: First shot is 23. MATT: What's your AC for your earth elemental? MARISHA: That hits. MATT: Okay, so go ahead and roll damage on that. LIAM: It's amazing how careful PVP is making us all be. ALL: I know! ASHLEY: Seriously. TALIESIN: That's 15 points of piercing damage plus four necro damage. MARISHA: Okay, piercing is halved for me? MATT: It is not magical, correct. TALIESIN: Oh, good to know. MATT: That's seven damage plus four necrotic, so a total of 11 points of damage. The blasts are hitting the hide of the earth elemental, not quite impacting as strongly as you thought. TALIESIN: All right, I'm going to take one more shot then and I'm going to spend a grit for a headshot to give her disadvantage on attacks until the end of her next turn. MATT: Okay, make a concentration check by the way from the first hit, so you have to roll an 11 or higher. MARISHA: 11. MATT: Yeah, you're fine. (laughter) TALIESIN: Oh, thank God, it's not Bad News. 15. That doesn't hit. MATT: Your AC? MARISHA: 17. MATT: 17, no. This one actually does manage to hit the shoulder, but it ricochets off and blasts the volcanic rock near her. TALIESIN: Damn it. And just for fun, I'm going to take a third shot to see if I can do anything. MATT: Go for it. Third shot against the earth elemental Keyleth. TALIESIN: That does hit. That's a 21. MATT: That does hit. Go ahead and roll damage on this. TALIESIN: And that was not a grit shot. So that's... that's nice. 15, halved again. MARISHA: Seven. TALIESIN: Plus six necrotic damage. MATT: All right, so 13 points of damage total. I need you to make another concentration check. MARISHA: Ugh. Three. MATT: What's your constitution modifier? MARISHA: As an earth elemental? Plus five. So eight. MATT: With that, Sunbeam drops. The impact manages to actually knock the spell out of your peripheral. TALIESIN: And also, make a constitution saving throw. MARISHA: 14. MATT: 19. So yeah. TALIESIN: 19 is the DC, so does she make it? MATT, MARISHA: Yeah, she makes it. TALIESIN: Damn it! Ugh, should've done better. And then I'm going to dive back here. For now I'm going to try and get some cover. Yeah, dive back there for some cover. MATT: Okay, that ends Percy's turn. Pike, you're up. ASHLEY: Okay. So we're going to start-- I'm going to cast Guardian of Faith and I would like to place it-- MATT: Where would you want to place Guardian of Faith? ASHLEY: It's ten feet? MATT: Let me see the spell here real fast to make sure I've got this right. So, Guardian of Faith... there we go. It's within 30 feet of you. Any hostile creature to you that moves to a space within ten feet of the guardian has to succeed-- so where are you putting it? ASHLEY: I'm going to place it right there. MATT: Right there? ASHLEY: Yeah. And then I am going to cast, for my bonus action, Shield of Faith on myself, which brings my armor class up by two points. MATT: Guardian of Faith is 4th-level. What level is that one? ASHLEY: Shield of Faith is first. MATT: Yeah, that's fine. So, Shield of Faith... perfect. It's coming. So you have a plus two bonus to AC for the duration. It's concentration. Good for you. Are you going to move or stay right there? ASHLEY: I'm going to just kind of-- well, he's there. I'm going to stay. I'll stay. MATT: Staying right there in that little corner. All right, that ends Pike's turn. Top of the round. Vax, you're up. LIAM: Okay. I'm from a hidden position, right? Advantage. Obviously. MATT: Technically, they didn't see you. And from what you're aware, nothing has seen you yet, so. LIAM: Right. And as soon as I go, I'm giving away my position to everybody or to the person that I'm attacking, or--? MATT: Essentially, everybody who could see where you are, so you'd be giving it away to whoever that individual is. Do you have your mini, by the way? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: I was wondering where it went. LIAM: Should I just place him as soon as I attack? MATT: Yep. LIAM: Okay. I throw a dagger at Keyleth. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: But I'm partially covered. LIAM: Doesn't matter. I'm a sharpshooter. MATT: Yeah, he avoids cover. LIAM: So that's a 19. MARISHA: Hits. LIAM: Okay, so here we go. That's two, plus (counting) 24 plus six is 30. MARISHA: Is that halved? Is that magic or no? MATT: His weapons are magic, so does not halve. MARISHA: So 30? MATT: 30 points of magical slashing damage against you. LIAM: Then I will use my bonus action to hide. Can I? MATT: You, right now, are completely visible to her. LIAM: Okay. So instead, I'm going to go-- I don't know if this is slowing me, but (counting) six. Can I attempt to now? MATT: You can attempt to hide from her, yeah. However, Percy does have sight to you. LIAM: Can I attempt to stealth from both of them? MATT: Right now, you're only obscured from one of them. LIAM: I thought it was low light everywhere. MATT: It is dim light, actually. Let me see what the hide circumstance is. Let me double-check, just to be safe. Hide action. In just a minute. Hide. Chapter seven for hiding! All right, let's go to chapter seven, then. TALIESIN: Meanwhile, in chapter seven. MATT: I know, it's great, isn't it? Isn't it wonderful? TALIESIN: Chapter seven is actually hiding in chapter four. MATT: I just want to make sure we're doing this properly. TALIESIN: It's really hiding from itself. Aren't we all? MATT: You are not helping me by telling me it's there! This is ridiculous. I'm pretty sure you have to be entirely obscured; it's not so much having dim light. I might be wrong, but I don't want them to tell me-- MARISHA: Hiding is poorly explained in the Player's Handbook, honestly. Yeah. It's great. LIAM: Got it, never mind. Hold on. Instead. Oh. I have a backup idea. MATT: Hiding. There it is. You can't hide from a creature that can see you. LIAM: Can he see in dim light? MATT: He can see in dim light. It's not darkness. He has disadvantage to perception checks because it's dim light. He does not have darkvision. LIAM: What's her line of sight? She can see here, obviously. MATT: She can see there. She would not be able to see you in this area here behind that wall. That's how it would work. Okay, I feel better about that. LIAM: I'm going to use an action to hide where I am. Gosh, how would this work? I want to hide and then run past here. If I'm stealthed successfully, I'm invisible to Percy by the time I get here, and if I'm past the wall, she's lost sight of me. That's what I think. That's what I'm going to try to do. MATT: So what are you trying to do? LIAM: I'm going stealth. That's great. That is a 32. MATT: 32. You move past here. LIAM: I'm using my bonus action to dash. I'm going to real quiet, tippy-toe in dim light. I'm a 32, still stealthing tippy-toe. MATT: I need Percy to make a perception check with disadvantage. MARISHA: What about me? No? LIAM: I've just passed the wall. TALIESIN: 16. MATT: He vanishes from sight from both of you guys. Where do you want to go? Okay. cool. That ends Vax's turn. Keyleth, you're up. MARISHA: It's my turn again already? TALIESIN: There's only four of us. MARISHA: Wow. TALIESIN: I know. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: No, it was half the damage you took. I'm trying to remember. You actually would still have Sunbeam still up. TALIESIN: It was also full necrotic damage. MATT: It was, but even then it's half the damage or a ten or higher. I was thinking of full damage at the time. It's half the damage or ten, whichever's higher. So you would still have Sunbeam. MARISHA: That changes everything. MATT: I'm sorry. I just realized that. TALIESIN: I'm out of sight now. MATT: You are, yeah. TALIESIN: Thank god. MATT: She still saw where you walked. MARISHA: Fucking fuck. I still have Sunbeam. Sorry, that changed my whole plan. Sorry, Pike. TALIESIN: Does that mean there's that much light in the cavern that I'm not at disadvantage? MARISHA: Whenever I blast. I'm going to flip around here. Fling! Sunbeam blast Pike. MATT: Need you to roll constitution, I believe. MARISHA: Constitution! MATT: Roll a constitution check, Pike. ASHLEY: All right! What's the-- MATT: Wait, you rolled a three with a plus five con mod. I apologize. I'm so sorry about this. The chat room is really distracting me on this. It was a 13 halved, but ten, whichever's higher. Ten would have still been the DC. You rolled a three with a plus five, so you did still lose Sunbeam. My apologies. You guys are helpful sometimes. I really need to ignore chat. MARISHA: So I lost Sunbeam. MATT: You did lose Sunbeam, yes. MARISHA: But I rolled higher than half? MATT: Half or ten, whichever is higher, is how concentration works. MARISHA: So I always have to beat a ten? MATT: Always have to beat a ten no matter what. MARISHA: That sucks. MATT: Yeah, sorry. MARISHA: You're sure it's not the other way? MATT: I'm sure it's not the other way. MARISHA: Okay. That changes things again. MATT: That's why I don't have chat on during the game. I start second-guessing myself and I realize it's okay. You guys are kind of helpful sometimes, it's fine! TALIESIN, ASHLEY: Guys! MATT: You are hexed, you do not have Sunbeam, but you are still full earth elemental form. MARISHA: Okay. This is a lava pool right here? MATT: It is a portion of the wall in which there is molten rock pooling out of the side, yes. You get the feeling this whole room has pockets of it that are based around molten rock. You can see which ones seem to be closer than others. MARISHA: Fuck it. I'm going to come here because I do double damage to rock things. I'm going to smash this open. MATT: You want to smash that open? MARISHA: I want to smash that wall. MATT: Roll an attack! TALIESIN: Yeah! Break it down! MARISHA: 16 plus whatever I do against-- what do I roll? It's just a regular attack? It's just a regular attack. Then I'm adding plus five, so 22. No, 21. MATT: Your fist slams into the wall. Roll double damage because you're siege and this is technically part of a structure. Roll damage on your slam. MARISHA: Hang on. It's plus eight to hit, so it was actually more. 2d8 plus five. MATT: 2d8 plus five and then double. MARISHA: I double the dice? MATT: Double the whole thing. MARISHA: So I roll two more? Oh, I double the whole thing. Ten plus five. 30 damage! MATT: 30 points of damage to the rock wall with one fist. Your knuckles take out a portion of the wall and molten rock begins to spill into the alley here. This whole area right now is spilling molten rock and is now considered an area of lava that is slowly expanding. MARISHA: With that, I am going to back up, move, and tuck here behind this wall. MATT: You'd have enough movement, I think, to do that. MARISHA: With my earthglide as well. MATT: With your earthglide? Yeah. Instead of going around it, you just boof through the wall. That's fine. That ends your turn. Percy, you're up. You see the glow of fresh molten rock beginning to spill from around the wall side, though you're not sure what the source is. Pike, the heat's causing you to sweat within your armor. TALIESIN: I'm coming in around here. I'm going to take some shots at Pike. ASHLEY: Come on! (singing) Shot through the heart! ALL: (singing) And you're to blame! MATT: As soon as you step into that spot-- TALIESIN: Am I not ten feet away from it? Oh, I wouldn't even know, would I? MATT: You wouldn't know! You have no idea. As soon as you step into that spot, what's the saving throw on the guardian? ASHLEY: 18. MATT: That's the DC. Guardian of Faith. I need you to roll a dexterity saving throw. TALIESIN: Dex saving throw? MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: That's a 15, but I don't like that, I'm going to reroll it. MATT: With your feat. TALIESIN: Yeah. That's a natural 20. ASHLEY: All right. MATT: You take half damage. You take ten points of radiant damage. Mark a 50 for you so keep track of the damage. TALIESIN: So I took ten points. MATT: Ten points of radiant damage as you stop right there in that spot. Suddenly, you see a glow emerge from the stone pillar and this armored half-golem made of pure radiant energy scoops out and slams you with a fist. You manage to pull out of the way just in time, but it still slams you in the shoulder, almost knocking you off your feet. You catch yourself. TALIESIN: Can I back up away from it? MATT: With the rest of your turn, you can. TALIESIN: I still have one more space of movement. Okay. Fuck that guy. First thing, I'm going to use my bonus action to run a quick heal. That sucked so bad. That's 13 points back. (counting) That was just awful. That just makes me sad. That couldn't have gone worse. That's burned all that. I'm going to take a shot at Pike. ASHLEY: (singing) Bring it on! TALIESIN: And my gun seizes. MATT: Oh no! TALIESIN: Flipping that out for Bad News. MARISHA: Oh fuck! MATT: So Retort goes back in the holster as you see Percy around the corner, pull out from his back, unfolds and locks into place. TALIESIN: I have room for one shot before my turn is over. Here we go, my one shot. Let's not do that again, that was really inappropriate. Better! 32 to hit. ASHLEY: (laughing) Yeah, that hits. That'll do, pig, that'll do. TALIESIN: 23 points of damage. MATT: 23 points of piercing damage against Pike. LIAM: I'm known as a scavenger. TALIESIN: Yeah, no, I'm really annoyed right now. I'm really annoyed. LIAM: (laughing) It's all I got. I ain't got any hexes or bullets or bits of spells or help from the gods. ASHLEY: Okay. Oof. TALIESIN: You know, the minute I have sights on you, you're dead. LIAM: You'll never have sights on me. TALIESIN: I know I'll never have sights on you. I may have to burn a turn fixing a gun, too. ASHLEY: Okay, well, I got to heal myself because I have such low hit points. I have a different plan now since that happened. Where did it go? Okay, I'm going to do Cure Wounds on myself. MATT: All righty. ASHLEY: With a 3rd-level. MATT: Cure Wounds at what level? ASHLEY: Third. MATT: 3rd-level? What else are you doing in your turn? ASHLEY: What else am I going to do? I'm going to move. MATT: Just so you're mindful, 3rd-level means you can't cast another spell that's not above 2nd-level. Just so you know. ASHLEY: Yeah. I'm just going to do that and then move. MATT: Okay, cool. ASHLEY: Okay. (counting) MARISHA: Tensions are so high, you guys. MATT: I know. TALIESIN: Not with Liam, Liam is just like, whatever. It's like, "You don't know. You don't know me." LIAM: Could still easily die. As soon as I go for it, pops his head up, he's getting shot. ASHLEY: I'm going to move over here. MATT: Over there? All right. So you scoot over into this mid-area as the gnome cleric hides between the two boundaries of this rock formation, this small hallway. There you are, and you hear the burbling of slow-moving molten rock behind you. All right, that ends Pike's turn, we're back up to the top. Vax, you're up. LIAM: Oh my gosh, okay. Great. MATT: So you move? LIAM: Yeah, no. Well, it's fine, it's where I was, but I was going to just use-- and I'm here and then I throw a dagger. That's the flame-tongue-- TALIESIN: He's being so secretive. This is pressure. I'm feeling some pressure. LIAM: That hits. That's a 25. And here we go again. MATT: Another ranged sneak attack against the earth elemental? LIAM: Mm-hmm, okay. (counting) It's not that good, another 30 total. MATT: All right. 30 points of piercing damage against your earth elemental form, the dagger striking part of your armored self and causing the stone to shatter and break in a section. How you at health-wise, Keyleth? MARISHA: I'm still an earth elemental. LIAM: Then I take one step this way, which I think takes me out of her line of sight? Or do I need to go one more? MATT: You have to keep going. LIAM: How about here? MATT: Wherever you think you need to be. LIAM: All right. I'm here and I'm going to use a bonus action and an action and use another action to go stealth. MATT: Of your Haste? Okay. LIAM: Good, real good. 29. MATT: Okay. Percy, I need you to roll another perception check. LIAM: Isn't he covered by this? MATT: He can still see past that. There's a base-to-base visible. You do not have disadvantage, though, because Sunbeam actually does give bright light in the room for a vicinity. LIAM: What'd you get? TALIESIN: What is it, perception? That's a 25. MATT: Nope. You have no idea. TALIESIN: Literally, I rolled a 17. MATT: Yeah. ASHLEY: Do you have to roll a natural 20? TALIESIN: I would probably have to roll a natural 20 to actually see him. MATT: Yeah, you do. All right, you're there. That brings us to Keyleth. MARISHA: Shit. This keeps happening. MATT: You do drop Sunbeam. God, I'm so confused now. I'm so confused. You guys have confused me. MARISHA: I have not cast Sunbeam since you told me I-- MATT: No, I know. So you still had disadvantage, but you would have missed anyway. TALIESIN: I rolled a 17, there's nothing I could have done. MATT: Ugh, I'm going to just cover the chat now. MARISHA: You can face it away. TALIESIN: No, it's good that tonight is your derp night. MATT: I'm covering it up for my own purposes. But yeah. No worries, it's fine. MARISHA: I'm going to do something similar and I'm going to move and I'm going to go bam and slam into that one. Come over here, reach, you know? MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll your attack. MARISHA: Okay. That's good. It's a plus eight. 14. MATT: That's fine. It's enough to hit the rock. Go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: Shit. 18 damage. MATT: 18 damage? Doubled? Okay. So 18 points of damage. Your fist slams through the piece of rock there. It does open up some of the area and some of the lava begins to spill out, but it's just a slow trickle, it's not a large deluge. MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to do my second attack, then. Bam. That's much better. That's a 16 plus eight. MATT: Go ahead and roll damage. All right, chat. MARISHA: All right. Also much better damage. So that's 13 plus five, 18, so that is 36. MATT: Splintering pieces of volcanic rock go shattering through the room, skidding across the ground. You guys hear the blast as suddenly molten rock begins to spill out from that side now, also beginning to illuminate that portion of the floor. This whole vicinity is now also covered in lava. This one has actually expanded outward to cover that area. MARISHA: Okay. And then I move back and I hide again. MATT: Okay. So that's five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30. What's your full move on the earth elemental? MARISHA: Just walking, 30. If I'm earthgliding, 60. MATT: Are you then subterranean gliding through, based on what you did before? Because if not, your full movement's going to take you to there. MARISHA: Well then I'll stay there, I guess. MATT: Okay. Just so you know. All right, so you're right there. Cool. Ends Keyleth's turn. Percy, you're up. TALIESIN: Okay. I'm peeking around. I see the giant earth creature, and I'm taking a shot. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: Yep. Here we go. Actually, I'm going to make it a-- no, I'm just going to take the shot. I have to reload Bad News anyway, so this is the reload shot. MATT: So the first shot is reload, second attack is a shot. TALIESIN: Thank god. Nope, never mind, oh my god, for the love of god and all that is holy. Gun broke. MATT: Do you have any Lucky left? Don't forget you have your luck points still. Your feat. LIAM: Oh, did he take that feat? MATT: He did for his level 14 feat for tonight. TALIESIN: For tonight. I will never actually take it, but for tonight. ASHLEY, MARISHA: Oh no! MATT: You can't double Lucky. TALIESIN: I didn't know that. Well, it doesn't matter, because the second luck was also a gun break, anyway. MATT: Okay. Bad News is also broken. TALIESIN: I'm going to burn an action surge to fix the gun. MATT: Okay. Oof. All right. On which gun? TALIESIN: On Bad News. And yes. It's fixed. Yeah, it's way above the number. MATT: Cool. All right. So, after the gun echoes back, you can see the little bit of dull grey smoke spilling from the barrel, which immediately warns you of an impending blast, you put the gun down and shake it to get the explosive material out of the side as it just scatters upon the ground and burns naturally. You manage to fix it and ready it in time. A quick, swift action. TALIESIN: And I dive right back there. MATT: Okay. Right there? TALIESIN: Yeah. Actually, I'm going to dive all the way back here. MATT: Okay. Gotcha. Ends your turn, Percy. Pike, you're up. ASHLEY: Okay. Can I make my way to Percy? MATT: This way or this way? You step out to there. You can see Percy right across the way. ASHLEY: How close can I get to him? MATT: You can get pretty close if you want to. ASHLEY: I want to get very close. TALIESIN: Aww. Wait, no. Damn it. MATT: You can get right there, yeah. Right up next to him. ASHLEY: I am going to Inflict Wounds. Because I can't use these necromancy spells in the regular games. I'm gonna use them. I'm a monstah! TALIESIN: Okay! I'm going to be fine. This is fine. MATT: All right, at what level are you inflicting wounds? ASHLEY: You know what? I'm going to do it at just second level. Yeah, just second level, which is only-- MATT: Okay. So go ahead and roll a melee spell attack. So roll a d20 and add your spell attack modifier, which I believe is plus 11. ASHLEY: Yeah. That would be a 28. MATT: 28. You see Pike run around the corner, this glowing beacon of energy, and as she goes towards you, the radiant divine energy from her holy symbol shrieks into a deep black dark purple. As her hand reaches out and grasps at you, you try and dodge out of the way but her hand touches you and pain courses through your body. You take 4d10 necrotic damage, so go ahead and roll 4d10. TALIESIN: Wow, really? Okay. MARISHA: 4d10? Holy balls. Oh, shit. TALIESIN: Oh my God, that's so-- oh, God. Oh, God! ASHLEY: It was cocked. 21. MATT: 21 points of necrotic damage as, all of a sudden, the pain courses through your body, and a side of Pike you've never seen before all of a sudden frightens you. TALIESIN: Yes. Yes, I am frightened. I am very frightened. MATT: All righty. You're just going to stay right there? You still have your bonus action. ASHLEY: Can I tuck back? MATT: You don't have enough movement, you just got there with your movement. ASHLEY: Okay. Can I use my Sprinter's Boots? MATT: You could. He will get a melee attack of opportunity. You only have Bad News out, so it's not really going to-- TALIESIN: Yeah, I was about to say, Bad News is-- MATT: Yeah, no. So you could if you want to. ASHLEY: I'm going to use my Sprinter's Boots and go back behind that wall where I was. MATT: All right, you get right back to where you were, yeah. Okay. TALIESIN: I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. MATT: All righty. That brings it to Vax's turn. This is getting interesting. LIAM: Let's get dicey here. Okay. Can I have the miniature? Oh, I have him right here, sorry. So I want to step right out here, throw a sneak attack dagger right at Percy. Here we go. MARISHA: Whoa, you made good ground. MATT: Haste, man. LIAM: That is a 21. Does that hit? TALIESIN: I'm going to use my amulet and bring it up to 23. LIAM: Then I'm going to use my last luck. MATT: You already confirmed the attack. LIAM: Oh, okay. All right. That's fine. I didn't know that I had to-- MATT: Yeah, you have to roll, see what the roll is, and then see if you want to reroll it before you go ahead and confirm, I believe. LIAM: Okay. I'm going to use my bonus action to dash. Everyone sees me go (footsteps) and I'm going to go stealth there. TALIESIN: I hate you. I hate you so much! Oh! Oh, from the depths of hell. LIAM: I like better telling you. Well, ugh, yes. MARISHA: As he says it out loud! 29? MATT: Yeah. All right. So, that being the case, I'm going to need-- no, you're just out of the way. No one seems to see you. LIAM: Okay. But I'm not done yet, because I've still got quite a bit of movement left. MATT: Right. Where are you moving to? TALIESIN: Where you going, Liam? Where're you going? MATT: Okay. Let me see. Yeah. Okay. All righty. Got it. Okay! All right. That ends Vax's turn. Keyleth, you're up. TALIESIN: God damn it. God damn it. I've had to burn all my good stuff already. LIAM: Easy pickings on de Rolo! Get him! MATT: At the start of your turn, Keyleth, the lava has now spread out into this way and has created a complete bridge there. MARISHA: What about over here? MATT: That is beginning to spread. It will, probably by next turn-- ASHLEY: Ooh, she's making a whole lava pool. Remodeling. TALIESIN: This is good. This makes my life easier. I'm excited. MATT: So, what are you doing, Keyleth? TALIESIN: Did I just scare you? MATT: And actually, Percy, I need you to roll a concentration check against the damage you just took. Oh, no, you missed, that's right. TALIESIN: He missed! I was about to say. MARISHA: Can I turn and see if I can spot Vax? MATT: Well, it would be against Pike's damage. So roll a concentration check against the damage that Pike did to you. TALIESIN: Concentration? MATT: For Hex. TALIESIN: Oh, Hex is not concentration. Is it? Oh, okay. MATT: I usually forget to mention it because you don't take a lot of damage in battle most of the time. TALIESIN: That might be new, because it's been so long since I've had to-- MATT: Hex is concentration, yeah. TALIESIN: Holy cow. Okay. MATT: So roll a constitution check. Not save. TALIESIN: That's a four. MATT: Four. Hex has vanished from Keyleth. MARISHA: Oh, cool. Awesome. Okay. TALIESIN: I'm not having a good roll night. Not having a good roll night. MATT: It's been kind of rough for you, Percy. TALIESIN: Yeah. This has been ugly. MARISHA: I want to see if I can sense Vax with my tremor sense. Can I do that? MATT: You have tremor sense as an earth elemental? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: That's good to know. Hmm. Hold on a second. Let me check something in here. It might be in here. MARISHA: I wasn't sure if it would actually work. MATT: No, that's an important note to bring up. Thank you for that. LIAM: Someone knows where I am. MATT: Let me pull up the DMG here. TALIESIN: Break him into sticks. To twigs and feathers. ASHLEY: Break him. Break him. TALIESIN: Smear him across the cave. MATT: All right. Let's go ahead and make sure I get this right. MARISHA: Here it says I have tremor sense, but I use my own perception, because it's mind-based. MATT: This is the DMG. Now, Monster Manual, you'll answer my question. Pardon me, folks. LIAM: Come on. Drama. MATT: This is going to be interesting if this works. TALIESIN: I will be so pleased if this works. MARISHA: This is so nerve-wracking. I can feel my blood pressure going through the roof. MATT: Yeah. What's the radius of your tremor sense? MARISHA: 60 feet. MATT: Vax, you know, is right there. LIAM: Now the whole group knows! MATT: We're not going to play it that way. They have no idea. TALIESIN: We're not going to act on that intel. LIAM: Well, once she starts smashing the ground there, you'll have a good idea. MATT: It's possible. Oh no, you'll take some damage finally. What are you doing? MARISHA: I'm going to beat Vax's face in. MATT: Okay. So you're going to move into here? Okay. As you think you're-- LIAM: All of her attacks are at disadvantage because of my cloak. MATT: It's true. So, all of a sudden-- MARISHA: Even with the tremor sense? MATT: Yeah. It's not the hidden, it's his Cloak of Displacement. So, all of a sudden, you turn the corner and you see bounding up Keyleth's earth elemental form zoning right in on you. Go ahead and make your first attack with disadvantage. MARISHA: (deep voice) I love you! (laughter) Not great! 15! MATT: Nope. First attack misses. MARISHA: Second attack, even worse! It's a two. LIAM: Well, that was the first attack, the two rolls with disadvantage. MATT: Right, with disadvantage. Yeah. So she misses. MARISHA: Oh, that's fun to know. That's fun. Doesn't matter. No. Three. Terrible! I rolled fucking terribly. TALIESIN: Wow. That was painful to watch. MATT: But he's visible and he's there with you. MARISHA: I'm going to go (deep voice) Hug! Hug! MATT: All right. The lava has now spread and connected with the other pool there. There are now two streams of molten rock. All right. That brings us to Percy. TALIESIN: Damn it. Okay. One, two, three, four, and I'm taking my shot here. Let's hope this goes a little better than the last one, since this has been really sucking. Straight Bad News shot. Better! That's a 32 to hit. MATT: That'll hit. Go ahead and roll damage on Pike. PIKE: No, it doesn't hit! MATT: It was already loaded, right? Actually, it's not already loaded, right? Because you had to fix it last round. TALIESIN: Yes, which is why this is my only shot. ASHLEY: (singing) Give it to me, baby! Uh-huh, uh-huh! MATT: Sorry about that, guys. TALIESIN: That could be worse. 18 points of damage. MATT: 18 points of piercing damage. The blast hits your armor. It rings in your ear for a minute, but the pain from the impact of the bullet actually touching past the inside of your chest is pretty rough. You can feel the bullet probably lodged itself an inch or two in. TALIESIN: And I'm backing up for cover. Yep, that's my run. That's what I got. MATT: Pike, you're up. ASHLEY: What'd you say it was? How many points? TALIESIN: 18 points. Not that hardcore. ASHLEY: Okay, write it down. Where'd he go? MATT: He's over here. You saw him rush up. MARISHA: We kind of paired off, you guys. I've literally successfully split the battlefield in half. At least I've accomplished something. ASHLEY: I am going to walk over to him and I'm going to Inflict Wounds again. MATT: What level for the spell? ASHLEY: Third. MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll another spell attack. ASHLEY: That would be 30. MATT: Yeah, that'll hit. So go ahead and roll another 4d10. ASHLEY: I'm not here to heal you, I'm here to kill you! MARISHA: I am Pike from your nightmares. TALIESIN: Oh, God, I just saw a zero pop up. Oh, God. I don't want to look. I just don't want to look. That's what you get. MARISHA: Hex faded on me, correct? So I don't have disadvantage anymore on my strength rolls? MATT: On strength rolls you do not, no. ASHLEY: 24. MATT: 24 points of necrotic damage as Pike once again comes running behind, slams her hand onto you, and another jolt of horrible necrotic energy strikes through your body. Your vision's beginning to blur a little bit at the edges. TALIESIN: 24, okay, so that's-- I can do that. All right, yeah. MATT: What are you at now? TALIESIN: I'm fine. I've taken 87 points of damage, so I'm fine. Not dead. MATT: Good. All righty. Pike, you still have your bonus action if you wanted to, or move if you want. ASHLEY: I'm going to move back behind the wall. TALIESIN: I'm going to take that attack of opportunity. MATT: He'll be able to get a melee attack on you if you pull away, and you only have one more square of movement anyway. ASHLEY: I can't move just the one square behind this wall? MATT: You can move there. ASHLEY: Can I move behind-- I mean, I know that's not very far from him. MATT: He'll get an attack on you for free. ASHLEY: I will heal myself a little more. I'm going to Cure Wounds on myself. MATT: You've already used your action this turn to do the Inflict Wounds. ASHLEY: Oh, that's true. I'm going to Healing Word as a bonus action. I'll just do a level one. That's not that much, actually. MATT: Nope. It's 1d4 plus five is what it'll be. ASHLEY: Okay, I'll just do that. MARISHA: Every little bit helps. MATT: It's true. So you gain six hit points. All righty. That ends your turn, Pike? You good? ASHLEY: That'll end my turn. MATT: All right. Vax, you're up. LIAM: What I'd like to do is take two steps back from the earth elemental. TALIESIN: Attack of opportunity. LIAM: You shut up. Let her do it. MATT: Go ahead and make an attack of opportunity on him with disadvantage. MARISHA: But don't I get advantage because it's an attack of opportunity? MATT: No. MARISHA: First one was a 16. Second one was a six, which isn't great, so that's 14. MATT: It meets air as he sweeps backward. LIAM: For my first action, I would like to open up a pouch in my belt and dump a bunch of metal marbles out towards the elemental underneath, keep moving so they're all around her feet is the intention. MATT: A bunch of various metallic and glass marbles all spill out onto the ground around you. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: All right. MARISHA: What are you looking for? MATT: There it is. The DMG. It spilled down. TALIESIN: There's a marble stat. MATT: (chuckles) What else are you doing, buddy? LIAM: I'm going to use dash on my bonus action, I'm going to move to here, and this'll be up to the whim of the gods. Between this wall and all of this stuff, I want to try to stealth right there. MATT: Okay, go ahead and make a stealth check. LIAM: Not great. I have one last luck. MATT: All right. Is now the time? LIAM: Yes. Same exact roll. It's not my day. All right. It's okay, I am at 25 stealth. I'm not done with my movement. MATT: Percy, you do get to make a perception roll. MARISHA: What about me and my tremor sense? MATT: You know where he is. MARISHA: That's so good to know that that's how that works. TALIESIN: 17 is my perception. MATT: You have no idea whereabouts he's gone off to. TALIESIN: Unless I can add my passive perception to that, no. MATT: I need you to go ahead and make an athletics check to leap. ASHLEY, MARISHA: (singing) Secrets, secrets, secrets don't make friends. LIAM: Not acrobatics? Can I parkour? MATT: No. You can't parkour over molten rock. LIAM: 19. MATT: You manage to just skirt over the molten area and not go plummeting a second time with your foot in lava. LIAM: It's okay, it's all a dream. MATT: That brings us to Keyleth's turn. What are you doing? MARISHA: Can I hear where Vax is? MATT: It's a 60-foot radius, right? Where are you again, show me? TALIESIN: I won't look, you can show him. MATT: I'm just seeing the range here. All right, no, you do not sense him. You felt him run this way and then vanish. MARISHA: Okay. What do I do now? LIAM: Fall. TALIESIN: Fly, you fool. MARISHA: As an earth elemental, I want to bust down this little wall right here. LIAM: Still a square of marbles in front of you. MATT: So you go ahead and take a blow on this wall there? MARISHA: Well, I'm going to do right here. MATT: The whole wall is technically what you'd be going for. MARISHA: I don't want to tear down the whole wall. I just want to tear down a section of it. MATT: Okay. You have to move forward to do that. MARISHA: All right. Let's try it. MATT: I want you to make a dexterity check. TALIESIN: That's akimbo. That's cocked. MARISHA: 14. MATT: You (grunting) sliding on the marbles, just barely get yourself there. You don't fall prone but you get yourself to the wall. Make your attack. MARISHA: (singing) Tiny dancer in my hand. (punching) (laughter) ASHLEY: Sam's not here, but his spirit is. MARISHA: That's a one for the first one, so negative. MATT: The first fist hits it and the wall is stronger than you thought. It kind of hurts your knuckles at the impact. MARISHA: The second one's a 19. MATT: Yeah, go ahead and roll damage for the second strike. MARISHA: That is 22 points total. MATT: You slam into the wall and rocks break and shoot forward. This section of the wall now is currently visible through. You can travel past or see through it. Percy and Pike, you look behind you as you hear the slamming of rock and you can see part of the wall slam forward, and behind it a very angry earth elemental. I'm going to go ahead and mark that as an open part of the wall. You can still move, or do you want to stay there? MARISHA: I want to back up, just kind of tuck a bit. MATT: Into that area? You're still scooting over the marbles, but you made your check this turn. You pull back and this area is still pretty bad for you. That finishes Keyleth's turn. Percy, you're up. TALIESIN: All right. I'm putting Bad News aside and pulling out my sword, and I'm going to start hacking away at the cleric. I'm cutting at the cleric, like we do. Slash number one. 16. MATT: (clang) Across her armor. Her thick, armored exterior deflects the blow. The blade doesn't make any sort of impact or wound. TALIESIN: 21. MATT: What's your AC right now? ASHLEY: 22. TALIESIN: God damn it. Ah, 23. ASHLEY: There you go. MATT: All right, that hits. Roll your damage. I've been forgetting the concentration checks for your spell that you had on giving you the AC bonus. It's fine, we'll do it now. TALIESIN: And that's nine points of slashing damage. ASHLEY: I'll take it. MATT: Go ahead and roll a constitution check. Just roll a d20 and add your constitution modifier. ASHLEY: Nine. MATT: Total nine? You lose your plus two AC bonus spell. So your AC is now naturally the 20 normally. That ends your turn, Percy? Pike, you're up. PIKE: I have a sword, too. I'm going to take out my Frostbrand. Time to melee. MATT: Go ahead and roll a physical attack against Percy. ASHLEY: 23. MATT: 23 I believe hits against your armor class, right? PERCY: Yes, it does. MATT: Go ahead and roll damage. It's a d6 because it's a shortsword, an extra d6 of cold damage, and an extra d8 of-- sorry, 3d6 is what it is. No, it's an extra d8, I think. Let me go check. The war cleric bonus, you don't do a lot of melee. Pardon me, folks. ASHLEY: No, I think I have the d8 for the mace. MATT: Right, but because you're war-based, you have Divine Strike, it's an extra d8. So 2d6 plus 1d8. There we go. My apologies. ASHLEY: 17 points of damage. MATT: Pike reaches back and slams into you with the Frostbrand. The cut of the blade is hard enough, but the cold enchantment on it causes the wound itself to seal with ice. TALIESIN: Wow, I'm looking rough. MATT: Anything else you want to do, Pike? You have your bonus action still, and your movement if you wanted to try to move away. It's up to you. PIKE: I'm going to cast Shield of Faith on myself again, can I do that? MATT: You just used your action. Shield of Faith is a bonus action? Then yeah, you can. ASHLEY: Okay, I'll cast Shield of Faith on myself. MATT: So with that, your radiant field of protective energy begins to shimmer across your upper torso again, helping to improve your armor class. Are you going to stay where you are, or are you going to move? ASHLEY: I can move ten feet? Oh, I haven't even moved yet. I'm going to go back behind the wall. MATT: This way? ASHLEY: Yeah, tuck into there. TALIESIN: I'm going to take my slashing attack. MATT: You do get your attack of opportunity against her. TALIESIN: That hit. That's a 31. MATT: So roll damage. TALIESIN: That's ten points of slashing damage. MATT: Ten points of slashing damage against you, Pike. As you back away, Percy gets one strike with the weapon as you turn around the corner. All right, that ends your turn. Vax, you're up. LIAM: Oh, jeez, okay. MATT: Oh, Vax, real fast, I need you to go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw. LIAM: I have advantage because of the boots. Dexterity? 17. MATT: That is not going to work. You take 20 points of radiant damage as a guardian in this vicinity all of a sudden-- LIAM: Well, I use evasion. MATT: So you take half damage. You take ten points of radiant damage as you rush by. All of a sudden, an unseen guardian of energy comes forming out of the wall and slams into you as you pass. LIAM: Pass what? What do I pass? I didn't even move yet. MATT: Yeah, you did. This technically would have happened last turn. Yeah, because I forgot it last turn. So it's another ten damage. Mark that. TALIESIN: Does that drop stealth? MATT: No, it's just damage. ASHLEY: Is that the only damage you've taken this game? LIAM: Yes, and Vax reappears right here, on the move, and I am throwing a dagger right at Percy's forehead. MATT: Okay. 24? All right. Percy, what's your AC? TALIESIN: My AC is 18, yeah. MATT: All right, so that's a hit. A dagger comes out of nowhere as you look over just in time to see it coming at you, you're going to go ahead and-- TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm going to do a catch. MATT: All right, go ahead and attempt to Missile Snare. Well no, it's a reaction to do it, isn't it? TALIESIN: It is a reaction. MATT: You've already used your reaction to do that attack of opportunity against Pike. TALIESIN: Oh, does that burn my reaction? MATT: Yeah. So, yeah, you don't have the reaction to do it, unfortunately. LIAM: 36. MATT: 36 points of piercing damage against you. TALIESIN: No, I'm done. MATT: With that, Percy, you fall to the ground, the dagger sticking out of the side of your neck. You are currently-- Pinned you to the wall? TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm out. MATT: We'll say as you fall back the blade takes you and pins you against the wall. You are (dying sound) eyes roll back closed. TALIESIN: I rolled a lot of ones and twos this fight. MARISHA: You rolled a fuckton, and twos and threes! LIAM: So, what I'd like to do, because I didn't even stop moving, is use my bonus action to kinda dive this way and hide here, right on top of Percival's body. ASHLEY: Are we allowed to loot the body? MATT: I mean, you could. LIAM: So I'm going to roll for stealth. MARISHA: Being the person who died first last time, I know it sucks. TALIESIN: No, I was prepared. MARISHA: At least it wasn't a Finger of Death like five minutes in. MATT: All right. Pike, I need you to go ahead and roll a perception check. ASHLEY: Okay. 12. Or wait, hold on. 13. MATT: 13, okay, yeah, you see a flash as Vax runs past you and then disappears around the corner. LIAM: Okay, and I'm going to run to-- hold on, I'll tell you where I'm going to run to. MATT: All righty. So, with that, it is Keyleth's turn. You sensed Vax run this way and then vanish from your current visual range of tremor sense. MARISHA: Okay, I want to very carefully step forward here. MATT: Yep, go ahead and make another dexterity saving throw. MARISHA: Ooh, yeah, 15. MATT: Yeah, you manage to just scoot past him again without falling over. MARISHA: Can I sense Vax again, or anybody else for that matter? LIAM: Not moving. MATT: You would have sensed Vax actually moving last round even then, because you didn't move that far. You do know where he is. MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Well done, no, you took, yeah. You did some intense damage. ASHLEY: Aw, sorry, Percy. TALIESIN: It's okay. That was awesome. ASHLEY: (sighs) Sucks. I don't know if I like this. TALIESIN: Aww. ASHLEY: You're my friends! MARISHA: "You're my friends!" LIAM: Remember all that time out on the ocean, worrying about Percy, was he okay? How is his soul? TALIESIN: I only feel that that's fair. MATT: What are you doing, Keyleth? MARISHA: I want to drop my earth elemental form. MATT: Okay. You can see through this wall still. I mean, you still remember where he was, but your tremor sense is no longer there, so you have to-- MARISHA: Kind of guess. Well, guessing, I want to do a Flaming Sphere. MATT: Flaming Sphere? MARISHA: Doing it 4th-level, why not? Wait, I need to-- I'm trying to keep track of two different sets here, from my real game and from this fake game. MATT: Okay, where is Flaming Sphere going to go? TALIESIN: Oh, yeah, I should probably kill me. MARISHA: Sorry, sorry, sorry. MATT: You're still not dead yet, you're unconscious. If you manage to-- which happened in our last battle royale-- roll a natural 20 on a death saving throw, you come back to consciousness. So Flaming Sphere at 4th level? MARISHA: Correct. MATT: That means you'll be doing 4d6 fire damage. MARISHA: 60-foot range, 4d6? MATT: Where are you putting it? MARISHA: I want to go (explosion) in this corner. MATT: Okay, right there, or right on there? MARISHA: How big is it? MATT: It's a five-foot diameter sphere, that's how big it is. MARISHA: Oh, it's only a five-foot diameter? I'm guessing there. MATT: Okay. Bright light shines in the area, and from your visual perspective, you show up because of where you are. Where's your figure? LIAM: Sorry. Where'd you go, buddy? I'm around. Oh, there he is. I was sitting on Percy. MATT: The Flaming Sphere appears. So that's your action, and as a bonus action, you can move the sphere up to 30 feet if you wanted to, to ram it into something. MARISHA: Sure, I'll ram it into Vax now that I can see him. LIAM: Evasion. MATT: The sphere starts slamming into you. Make a dexterity saving throw. LIAM: I get advantage because of the boots. MATT: You do. LIAM: That is a 26. MATT: 26. Unfortunately, he dodges out of the sphere as it slams into the wall. Percy, you take a death saving throw automatically as the Flaming Sphere rolls over your current unconscious body, pinned against the wall. TALIESIN: Okay, so I lose a death saving throw? I'm one down? MATT: Yeah, you do. You're one down. LIAM: Thanks for dropping earth elemental. MARISHA: Uh-huh. And I'm going to tuck behind this wall and see if I can hide. MATT: Well, you can't hide, you used your action. MARISHA: I'll tuck behind the wall at least. MATT: Okay, so there you are behind the wall. Ending your turn, Keyleth. Percy, roll another death saving throw. LIAM: (high-pitched) What about the marbles? MATT: No, she's already made her roll this turn. TALIESIN: Under over ten? MATT: Ten or higher is what you want. TALIESIN: Nope. MATT: That's a second death saving throw. You're down two. TALIESIN: That was like, "I rolled another three." MATT: Pike, you're up. You see this burst of flame and around the corner, you see a very visible Vax, just out of the corner of your eye, dodge the fire. ASHLEY: Oh, hi Vax. Oh boy, now I can see him. MATT: Yeah, this is the one time you will. LIAM: (hissing) ASHLEY: Shit, okay. That changes what I was going to do. LIAM: (Gollum voice) Nasty cleric. ASHLEY: I am going to cast Flame Strike at him. MARISHA: All the fire! ASHLEY: All the fire, all the rage! MATT: All right, with Flame Strike, suddenly, fire and divine light come bursting up in a column around you up to the ceiling in a horrible spray of flame. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw. LIAM: Advantage. Not good. Really bad, 13. MATT: No. That's 8d6 fire damage and 8d6 radiant-- sorry, 4d6 fire, 4d6 radiant. So yeah, 8d6 points of damage. And Percy incinerates, his body is turned to ash. ASHLEY: Oh no. LIAM: Did I say what the armor was? What did I set my armor to? MATT: You set it to necrotic. LIAM: Yes. Aw, balls. That could've been so accidentally good! MATT: I know, but you said necrotic. So you take half damage of whatever this is. (chuckles) Hashtag no mercy for Percy! (laughter) ASHLEY: 21. MATT: 21 points of damage to you. LIAM: Is the halved version of that. ASHLEY: No, that's the full. Yeah, I had some bad rolls. MATT: You take ten points of damage. You can still move if you want, you have not moved yet. ASHLEY: Okay, so I just used a 5th-level to deal ten points of damage. And I'm going to do Healing Word on myself at 2nd-level. MATT: 2nd-level? So 2d4 plus five. Nice! So 12 points of healing to you. And you want to move as well? ASHLEY: I'm going to stand directly behind the pole. MATT: Over here? There? ASHLEY: Oh shit, but then she can see me. MATT: She can. ASHLEY: Can I stay where I was? MATT: Where you were? Yeah. ASHLEY: Yeah, I'm just going to stay there. MATT: Okay, using the light of Sarenrae to hopefully guide you. That ends your turn, Pike. Vax, you're up. LIAM: She lost line of sight of me? Am I in this little nook still on Percy's ashes? Looks like it. MATT: Pike's hiding out, there's still a little bit of line of sight on you, just on the edge based on the square you are on. That's where his corpse was on right now, and there's a big flaming sphere that's also lighting up the area. There's no real darkness there. Obscuring yourself is the only way that would aid you. LIAM: Now it gets interesting. I'm going to take one step this way. Is this still burning? MATT: Yeah, it's chilling there, burning on this side. LIAM: I'm going to throw a regular, non-sneak-attack dagger at Pike. Terrible. MATT: As you pull back, you see Vax pop around the corner, throw a dagger, and it streaks off your shield and you knock it out of the way. LIAM: This is broken, right, this is gone? MATT: Yes, you can see through this part of the wall right there. LIAM: Is this wall here? MATT: That wall is still there. LIAM: Okay, so what I want to do is use my movement to tuck in here, press into the wall, go stealth. That's good, that is 28. MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make a perception check, Pike. ASHLEY: 19. Shit. MATT: You have no idea where Vax is. Vax has essentially vanished from view. ASHLEY: What in the heck? LIAM: I'll tell you where I'm going. I'm going to run to here. TALIESIN: Keyleth incinerates the entire cave. MATT: Finishing that turn, comes to Keyleth. MARISHA: Fucking fuck. I have no idea where Vax is, do I? MATT: Nope. You hid to keep out of the view of everything. To be fair, currently Vax has no idea where you are either. MARISHA: Right. If I peek around this wall, can I see Pike? MATT: If you peek around right now, you can go and look, if you want to. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Okay, as you peek around the corner, Pike is currently not visible. MARISHA: So no one's visible? Whatsoever? MATT: Nope. LIAM: Can I ask a quick question? When I put those marbles down, it went (marbles rolling), right? A non-rogue leaping over this, we'd all hear that, right? MATT: A non-rogue leaping over there? Probably. LIAM: Unless they tried to make a stealth move. MATT: Yeah, you make noise when you run anyway, regardless. Only a stealthy character who's already hidden that it would be a thing. LIAM: Understood. MARISHA: I still have my Sphere up. I don't know where anyone is. Fucking fuck. MATT: What do you got, Keyleth? MARISHA: I don't know what I would do aside from something defensive at this point. MATT: Do you have any spells that cover an area that are helpful? Like Faerie Fire, anything like that? MARISHA: I didn't take Faerie Fire today. MATT: Rough call against a rogue, that would have been clutch. But now you know for the future. Just letting you know. LIAM: Tremor sense was good, though. MATT: It was very good. MARISHA: Let me go ahead-- I do have Sleet Storm that I learned. I think it's just an instant, let me see really quick. MATT: Sleet Storm's an action. MARISHA: 20-foot-tall cylinder. MATT: With a 40-foot radius centered at a point you choose within range. MARISHA: 40-foot radius, 20-foot tall, 150-foot range. MATT: Yep. Where do you want to place it? MARISHA: Last I saw Vax was over here? MATT: You saw him in this area. MARISHA: I'm going to do here. MATT: Centered from where? MARISHA: Here? MATT: Centering it from there will only get this section. If you center it further out, you'll hit more of an area, just so you know from a tactical standpoint. MARISHA: I kind of want to get Pike. MATT: It's a 40-foot radius, it's going to hit everything. MARISHA: Well then, sure, let's do-- what's this? (counting) MATT: Know that the radius is very big on this, so before you put it too close to a wall, you can have more space. MARISHA: Let's do here-ish. MATT: Flaming Sphere drops. All right, so the center is where? MARISHA: (counting) Yeah, it's right here. MATT: That is the center of your Sleet Storm. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a burst of freezing rain and sleet starts spilling out of the sky, conjured from this temporal portal that pulls from some distant elemental dimension. As it hits the ground, a lot of the lava begins to cool and darken in certain areas. This area begins to cool a little bit. Not entirely, but it's beginning to fight against the cold temperature. MARISHA: Anything in that area has to make a dexterity saving throw. MATT: At the start of its turn, yep. MARISHA: Or make a spell save DC or lose your concentration as well. MATT: That's true. Is that your action? And do you move anywhere, or do you stay where you are? MARISHA: Can I tuck back against the wall? MATT: Yeah, you tuck back against the wall. There you are. So, that brings us to-- no longer Percy, Percy is gone. Sorry buddy, crossing you off there. Pike, your turn begins. This sleet and rain is hitting you from all over the place. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw. LIAM: Percy was the fan favorite all day. TALIESIN: Was it? Well, my money was on either you or me dying first. LIAM: Mine too. (laughter) ASHLEY: Eight. MATT: Eight? You immediately fall prone as the slick ice causes you to fall to the ground, which means it'll take half your movement to stand up. Not a huge deal. However, any spells you are concentrating in, you have to make a successful constitution saving throw. So make a constitution saving throw. ASHLEY: Ooh, that's a natural one. MATT: You lose your armor spell again, so you're back down to an AC of 20. Pike, now's your turn. ASHLEY: Okay, that changes what I was going to do. I will stand up. MATT: Okay, you have ten more feet to move, so two more squares if you wanted to. ASHLEY: I am not going to move. I am going to create a Magic Circle around myself. And I am going to... MATT: Magic Circle is a one-minute casting time. That will take you ten rounds to cast. ASHLEY: Never mind. Oh, it is one minute! MATT: Yeah, sorry, girl. ASHLEY: Sorry, that's why I made a last-minute decision. Okay, you know what? I'm just going to stay there and I'm going to cast Spirit Guardians. MATT: Spirit Guardians? ASHLEY: Yeah, around myself. MATT: At what level? ASHLEY: Third. MATT: Which is the basic level. ASHLEY: Sorry, fourth level. MATT: All of a sudden, there is another entity that has swirled around you. This spectral image of Sarenrae is now looming over Pike's form, just waiting. Ending Pike's turn, now up to Vax. ASHLEY: I can't do anything else, right? MATT: You have your bonus still, if you wanted to do that. ASHLEY: I'm going to do Shield of Faith again. MATT: As a bonus action? That's two concentration spells at once, you'll lose Spirit Guardians. Yeah, sorry. ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. I'll do a Healing Word again. MATT: Okay. So heal seven. That brings us to Vax. What are you doing, buddy? LIAM: I would like to pop back into existence right here. And throw a dagger-- MATT: Technically she's inside this area there. She's tucked against the wall much like how you were tucked against the wall there. LIAM: I wouldn't have revealed myself if I had known that. MATT: You know she's around there, but you'd probably have to traverse-- LIAM: I thought she was five feet that way, which would have changed everything. MATT: She'd be further spaced out from there. LIAM: That's everything that I've been working on for the last few minutes. MATT: Sorry. LIAM: Instead of that, because this is gone, right? MATT: Yes. LIAM: Can I see her from here? All right, I'm going to materialize-- MATT: However, at the start of your turn, I need you to make a dexterity saving throw because of the sleet around you. LIAM: Sure. I have advantage, 11 or 11. What is with me? 21. MATT: 21. What's the DC on your spell, Keyleth? MARISHA: Is it versus my spell DC? MATT: Yes it is. 19, yeah, so you save. You're fine. No damage, no prone. LIAM: Through the ice, through the snow. MATT: This wall's open. LIAM: I have sharpshooter, so does--? MATT: Yeah, so she would have no cover on this. LIAM: 21? MATT: 21, is that your AC? With that, sneak attack damage against Keyleth. TALIESIN: Oh god, the pain begins. LIAM: (counting) 33. MATT: 33 points of piercing damage against you, Keyleth. As the dagger hits you in the back of the shoulder, you feel a sharp pain. It's weird being on the opposing end of Vax's daggers. LIAM: I'm going to dance back, use bonus action to hide. MATT: Make a stealth check. LIAM: It's a 27. MATT: Pike, I need you to roll a perception check. ASHLEY: Pfft, no. Not at all. LIAM: And then my last action. MATT: Okay. And with that, I need Vax to make a dexterity saving throw. LIAM: It's a 21. MATT: 21. You manage to pull through the vicinity without any impact. Ending Vax's turn, Keyleth, you're up. MARISHA: I still have the Sleet Storm up, right? MATT: Mm-hmm. Although you do need to roll a concentration for the attack against you, which was thirty-what? MARISHA: 30, right? Ooh, natural 19. MATT: 19 would be more than half, you're fine. And you maintain concentration. Half of that would have been 16 or 17. MARISHA: I just keep it up. Pike still hasn't really moved, right? She's still in her same position. MATT: Yeah, you don't see her. You haven't seen her for a while. MARISHA: Okay, I want to peer around this corner and see if I can spot Vax. MATT: Technically, also, Vax, once again, I need you to make a wisdom saving throw as well. LIAM: For why? So many things. Not my strong suit. 13. MATT: 13. (chuckles) You take 3d8 radiant damage. LIAM: It's a wisdom-based thing? MATT: Yep, so go ahead and roll 3d8. As the spirit guardian that's been looming over and can see over the wall and that whole vicinity-- as you run past, both of those spells blast at you. One of them you manage to dodge, but the Sarenrae guardian reaches out and slams a giant light blade down into you. MARISHA: Would I theoretically see that happening through this wall crack? MATT: No, because you're currently hiding behind the wall. LIAM: Is it a blade? MATT: It is a blast of energy, but from a styling standpoint, it's a-- LIAM: So no Uncanny Dodge for that? MATT: You can Uncanny Dodge-- no, this is not a spell attack against you, it just happens. So, no, Uncanny Dodge would not help you on this. LIAM: And it's not a dexterity save, so full hit. ASHLEY: 12. Is it also the Guardian of Faith, or no? MATT: He already went through that and saved fine. So you take 12 points of radiant damage. At the end of your turn, now it's Keyleth, right? MARISHA: Yeah, it's my turn. First, I want to peer through the wall and see if I see Vax at all. MATT: Make a perception check. Natural one! MARISHA: So, since I don't see Vax-- TALIESIN: Not a lot of 20 in this game, is there? MATT: Not yet, no. MARISHA: Has there been a 20? MATT: You did see some flashes of divine energy in that vicinity, but that's all you see. Yeah. In this general vicinity. MARISHA: Okay. It's a decision on if I want to-- I'm afraid if I do a Fire Storm and if I mock out to Pike, if that would be considered metagaming if I knew where she is. Do I have an idea of where she is? MATT: You haven't seen her for a while. It's up to you, you can-- MARISHA: I don't want to be a dick, I don't want to break the game. Let me-- I'll just leave up my Sleet Storm, I guess. I'm going to do a Wall of Stone spell, and I want to block off here. And can I do another column to block off here? MATT: Yeah, you have plenty of room there. You can do all the way across there if you wanted to. MARISHA: I want to leave a nice gap here, if I can. Can I do that? MATT: You can do that if you wanted to. TALIESIN: Making yourself a private room. MATT: However, it's a concentration-- no, we made into an instant spell. The concentration made no sense for Wall of Stone for older editions. That being the case, we're looking at-- currently now, stone wall's up here and stone wall's up here. TALIESIN: He's in the room with you. MARISHA: Is he in the room with me? I'm going to be really upset if he's in the room with me. MATT: You have no idea. All right, does that end you turn, Keyleth? Keyleth, does that end your turn? All right. Pike, you're up. ASHLEY: Do I make a perception check? MARISHA: Oh, and I tuck back against the wall. MATT: Okay, you tuck against the wall. If you want to go ahead and look around, yeah. ASHLEY: Is this included in the turn, or will this take away something that I was going to do? Or is this just a perception check? MATT: You've already made your perception check. I'd say if you really wanted to honestly look for him, I'd let you take an action to do it. ASHLEY: I would have to roll a 20. MATT: Yeah, you have no idea where he is right now. ASHLEY: Okay, you know what? I'm going to, since I saw that the spirit guardian went off-- MATT: Yeah, you saw it go off around that area and strike down over the edge of the wall this way. ASHLEY: I would like to Insect Plague. MARISHA: Yes, I've always wanted to do this spell, yes, do it! It's not our style, so we can't do it in the real game. MATT: (singing) Insect Plague. (normal voice) It is concentration, so this would-- ASHLEY: Get rid of Spirit Guardians? MATT: Up to you. It is a 20-foot radius. Where do you want to put it? ASHLEY: I want to put it around that area. MATT: Which one? Around this area? Okay, so, keeping you outside the radius. Where do you want it to go? This whole area there, the center where it went off? Okay. But keeping you out of the radius, I imagine? So maybe putting you about there would get this whole area there. ASHLEY: If he's not in there, this is going to blow! MATT: You drop down Insect Plague, your spirit guardian vanishes as, instead, suddenly, swirling from the cracks in the ground, a cloud of biting scarabs, locusts, and various poisonous insects begin to fill the area. The loud buzzing sound fills the entire area. Vax, I need you to make a constitution saving throw. TALIESIN: Whoa! LIAM: You nudged her towards that corner, Mercer, you nudged her towards that corner MATT: No, she said where it happened. But away from herself. It would have been-- MARISHA: Is that a natural one? MATT: Natural one. 4d10 piercing damage. MARISHA: Doesn't he also have some sort of poison from Insect Plague, or something like that? MATT: No, it's just piercing damage. Things biting and clawing at him. LIAM: And there's no Uncanny Dodge because it's an area. MATT: Correct, yeah. Only against directed spell attacks. LIAM: Four tens? ASHLEY: How many did I roll? MATT: Four. What you did do? ASHLEY: 13. MATT: 13 points of piercing damage. MARISHA: Rough. That's a pretty shitty roll, though. MATT: You see, all of a sudden, all the insects coalesce and start biting in an area. You see the shape of Vax appearing in this corner there, briefly, as the insects are biting. You want to move, still? ASHLEY: Yes. I'd like to move-- Can I move in between? Between the walls? MATT: You can move over there if you want to. ASHLEY: Yeah, I'll move in there. Not that that's that far away from him, but maybe he didn't see because bugs are biting him. MATT: So through the pains and anger and the cloud, you can just-- The area is lightly obscured. ASHLEY: Do I have a bonus action? I'm going to-- Can I cast Shield of Faith on myself again? MATT: You can, but you'll lose your Insect Plague. ASHLEY: Never mind. Is that continuous? MATT: It's concentration, yeah. The insects stay until you leave the area. So let's see here. That's part of that. There. Ending Pike's turn, that brings us to Vax. LIAM: Will you allow me to go to here and then Jason Bourne behind these, like a boss, and go stealth right there? MATT: There is no way to see through these walls right now, technically. LIAM: Oh, I thought there was a gap. MATT: It's in the design. LIAM: I'm right here. I'm gonna go stealth. MATT: However, you do also need to make a dexterity saving throw as you rush into the radius. MARISHA: Would that affect Pike, too? On her move. Sleet Storm. MATT: Technically, yeah. Thank you for reminding me. LIAM: This is the Sleet Storm that I'm dexing? MATT: This will be the Sleet Storm. You make one as well. ASHLEY: A dex saving throw? LIAM: 20. ASHLEY: Wow. Three. MATT: Three? You would have not been able to get over there. You would have gotten to there with your full movement. You had to use half of it to get up. LIAM: Stealth is 27. ASHLEY: This is so stressful. MATT: She technically only got that far. So you know. LIAM: Is that where she was standing at the beginning of my turn? Then I want to do it here instead. MATT: Okay. Now make another dexterity check. No, a dexterity saving throw, sorry. As you rush into the radius of her Guardian-- LIAM: Didn't she dispel it for the bugs? MATT: No, she has two up, one of them isn't concentration. MARISHA: Oh, the Guardian is not concentration? MATT: It lasts for eight hours. MARISHA: That's dope. Holy fuck, that's dope. LIAM: 24. ASHLEY: Yeah, you're fine. LIAM: Stealth. And I will-- I haven't taken an action yet. Because that was a bonus. MARISHA: You've rolled so much, and you haven't done anything. ASHLEY: Is he going stealth? God dangit. MATT: It's what he does. TALIESIN: It's like trying to hit him with a spotlight, and then throw everything you can at him. MARISHA: It totally is. I should have fucking packed Faerie Fire, that was stupid. ASHLEY: What is Faerie Fire? MARISHA: It lights up everything. I took Cure Wounds and Thunderwave and Healing Word instead for my 1st-level spells. It's a really good 1st-level spell. TALIESIN: It is. It's an anti-rogue spell. MATT: Got it. Okay. That ends Vax's turn. Keyleth, you're up. You watch as this cloud of insects appears in this corner. You see a coughing Vax run this way to the edge and then disappear behind that wall. MARISHA: He disappears over here through this wall? MATT: He disappears through this little channel here, and he doesn't appear to leave it. There's still insects filling this whole space here. LIAM: Disappeared into the bugs, man. MARISHA: Into bugs, into bugs, into bugs, bugs, bugs. Totally with you there. MATT: This is getting real interesting. MARISHA: Okay, hang on a second. Hang on, hang on. Sorry, I'm double-checking something before I do something stupid. MATT: Yeah, not too bad. MARISHA: Okay. I'm going to pop around the corner, and I'm going to do Fire Storm all up where I think there's bitches. So since I saw Vax go this way and a bunch of action and a bunch of insects over here, I'm going to start it here. MATT: Okay, so we'll say cube, cube, cube. MARISHA: I'll probably try and get this corner, too. Cube. MATT, MARISHA: (counting) MATT: Covering this vicinity here? MARISHA: Yeah. (counting) MATT: Okay. So suddenly the ground, already hot, bursts forth in flames surrounding the whole area. What's the saving throw on that? MARISHA: Dex. MATT: Pike, I need you to roll a dex saving throw. MARISHA: Just Pike? MATT: Yeah, just Pike. ASHLEY: Six. MATT: All right, go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: That's 7d10. (laughter) (yells) Anger! LIAM: In another life, somewhere, I'm very much in love with you, but not this day. ASHLEY: 7d10. MATT: I know someone in the chat's paying attention, and I lost track of that. How many rounds have we gone so far? MARISHA: Ooh. 24. 34. 43 plus another five. 48 points of fire damage. ASHLEY: Shit. Okay. MATT: I should not have asked chat. (laughs) LIAM: What spells are going on right now? Ice Storm's still happening? MARISHA: Apparently 13. Critrolestats is the only one we trust. MATT: Okay, so just so you're aware, the surge of energy that you felt from your boots has faded. You no longer have the haste enchantment. ASHLEY: Phew. Okay. LIAM: Has it already been ten rounds already? MATT: Yeah, it's been 13. You've technically had it for more rounds than you should've, but it's fine. TALIESIN: The Beyonder is a mysterious creature. The laws of physics do not apply here. MATT: All right, so is that your turn? What else are you doing? MARISHA: Hiding again. MATT: Okay, so you move back into this little area there. MARISHA: And I'm still maintaining my Ice Storm. MATT: Are you moving further back this way or staying in that same pocket there? MARISHA: Just sucking up in that pocket against the wall. MATT: Okay, we'll say there. All right, cool. That ends Keyleth's turn. Pike, you're up. The flames that erupt around you subside. You're finding yourself singed and burned and angry. I need you to go ahead and roll a constitution check to see if you maintain-- how much damage did you take total from that? MARISHA: 48. MATT: 48 damage. Roll a constitution check. You have to beat a 24. ASHLEY: I have to beat a 24? There's no way. Yeah, there's no way. MATT: Insect Plague fades away. The insects subside and vanish. ASHLEY: Okay. Okay! Okay. MARISHA: We're so frustrating against ourselves. TALIESIN: This is phenomenal to watch. ASHLEY: I'm going to cast Cure Wounds on myself. MATT: Go for it. What level are you doing it? ASHLEY: Four. MATT: Level four? Okay. I'm pretty sure this is all your 4th-level spells, right? ASHLEY: I have one more. MATT: You have one more? ASHLEY: Well, I have two. After this one, I'll have one more. MATT: You have two, but I'm pretty sure Spirit Guardians-- you put that at a higher level, that's right. What was it, guardian-- ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: No, that's true. Your Guardian of Faith was 4th-level. You couldn't do that at a higher level. So this would be your last 4th-level spell. ASHLEY: Because I have four because of the ring. MATT: Oh! ASHLEY: Keyleth's ring, yeah. LIAM: Why'd you give her that ring? MARISHA: Seemed like a good idea at the time. Never give her the ring. LIAM: Was this some sort of Hunger Games deal? MATT: So the ring gives you an additional four levels in spells. Okay. MARISHA: Are you talking about my spell slot ring of holding, my level five spell slot ring holding? ASHLEY: Yeah. Yes. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Well, it would mean you would have a 4th-level and you could have a level one. MATT: They have to have already been prepared, is how it would work. We'll say you had your Guardian Spirit as what you had in there, as part of your plan anyway, so that's fine. MARISHA: I took your cloak, so I technically have your cloak from-- if we're going from the last game. MATT: We're using the basic gear you would have normally. So technically you would have that ring? MARISHA: It's normally my ring. ASHLEY: I don't think that's what it is. MARISHA: There were two rings. We got a 5th-level that kept, and then there was a lower level-- MATT: There was a 3rd-level one. MARISHA: There was a 3rd-level that I might have given you. MATT: Anyway. For the time being, as we're on. TALIESIN: I'm reading chat, and everyone's like, wow, Taliesin's spaced out. No, I'm just reading chat! I'm just watching it. MARISHA: No, it's just we actually get to see chat. TALIESIN: Normally don't get to see chat. ASHLEY: Now I'll move. Does that last for a long time, or is that a one-time deal, the flame storm? MATT: It's a one-time thing. ASHLEY: Okay. So I'm going to tuck back behind that wall. MATT: Over here? Back around this way or this way? ASHLEY: Just back towards my Guardian of Faith. Not visible, though. In between. MATT: Okay. This section. Okay, all right. That ends Pike's turn. Vax, you're up. MARISHA: Where the fuck are you? Because you're not in my fucking Fire Storm. LIAM: Hi. Right at Pike. MARISHA: He wasn't in my-- son of a dick. LIAM: Oh, that's a natural one. Okay, so-- MATT: Pike, as you run up, all of a sudden you hear a ting! And a blade streaks off the back of your armor. You turn the corner and you see Vax looking there sheepishly. ASHLEY: Ooh. And so now I see him. MATT: You do. You're no longer hasted. LIAM: I know, I know. MARISHA: I'm not your friend, buddy. TALIESIN: I'm not your buddy, friend. MARISHA: I'm not your friend, pal. LIAM: Is this out of sight here? Is this a solid wall? MATT: Yeah, that would be a solid wall. LIAM: Okay. I'm going to roll stealth there. That's a 25, so. MATT: Go ahead and roll a perception check, just to keep that in mind. ASHLEY: Is he invisible? No? 19. MATT: No. You just see him duck on the other side of the wall and vanish. ASHLEY: Damn it. LIAM: I want to go-- MATT: Rogues, man. TALIESIN: They're still doing South Park. MARISHA: Well, it takes a while for them to catch up. ASHLEY: How are we health-wise, everybody? TALIESIN: Keyleth is fine. She may even be pristine. MARISHA: I'm not pristine. I've taken sneak-attack damage. Which hurt badly. MATT: Okay, that ends Vax's turn. Keyleth, you're up. MARISHA: Keyleth is up. Okay. Keyleth is going to peek around the corner. I can see Pike, right? MATT: Nope. You can't see anybody. MARISHA: I can't see Pike through this? MATT: No, these walls are full walls. These aren't little. MARISHA: Oh. Solid wall. I can't see anybody. MATT: Nope. Your guess is as good as anybody's. MARISHA: Great. Great. I thought I was going to be able to see her. MATT: Sleet Storm was dropped, guys. It's all good. MARISHA: Was Sleet Storm dropped? MATT: Yeah, you took a bunch of damage. No, you didn't. It's still going. I'm so confused by all your spells. MARISHA: So he still has to make dex checks, right? So does she. And so concentrations, I should remember it, and I did. MATT: I'm trying to keep all this in my head, ugh. LIAM: Dex save, 24. MATT: Okay. Pike, make a dex save. ASHLEY: Okay. I did move. 16. MATT: Yeah, even though you probably didn't move that far, so you would have just moved back half your movement, so you're fine. It's fine. Didn't make a huge difference. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: It's true, you do confuse me. Love you guys, but you do confuse me. MARISHA: I can't see anybody through my window, then. Right? MATT: No. You have locked yourself into a bunker with a very limited viewpoint. TALIESIN: Metaphor. MARISHA: I died really quickly last time. I didn't want to-- MATT: So you can either wait it out or start making a guessing game. MARISHA: But that's the thing, it's the guessing game. I don't have a lot of AOEs at this point. Actually, you know what? I brought Tidal Wave. Where was the last action that I saw? I saw shit go down over here? MATT: You didn't see anything. You ducked behind that wall. MARISHA: Okay, so the last thing that I realistically saw was insects and-- MATT: Still insects over here, dashes of light over here, yeah. And you saw Pike over here get flamed. MARISHA: Okay, let me peek around the corner. Can I do a quick perception check to see if I can spot any movement or-- MATT: Sure, make a perception check. (laughter) It's hard to see through the sleet right now, man. All that sleet is helping you, but it's also-- you can't see shit. LIAM: Is that an action, like an effort for Pike would waste an action? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: If I can't see anybody, I can't do anything. I don't have line of sight, and I literally burned my AOE spell that I brought for the day. LIAM: Yeah, you're in a pickle. (laughter) MATT: You're such an asshole. MARISHA: Such a dick. I'm going to cast Cure Wounds, a level two Cure Wounds on myself, because I can't see shit. MATT: Remember, you can also hold your action in case something-- MARISHA: That's true. MATT: You can have a spell ready and have it trigger for a spell that can happen once it occurs. MARISHA: That's true. I never do that because I'm a melee person. Well, let me just cure myself since I already said I was going to do it. So I'm going to roll a 2nd-level Cure Wounds, which is-- and then I'm going to tuck back behind my wall, because that's where I'm happy, in my box. Level two. MATT: So that's 2d8 plus six for you. 13. You heal 13 hit points. Pike, you're up. ASHLEY: Okay, so I'm going to cast Cure Wounds on myself again at 2nd-level. MATT: So 2d8 plus five. ASHLEY: Okay, so 15. And then Shield of Faith as a bonus action, and I'm going to stay for now. MATT: All right, Shield of Faith is up again, protecting you, standing where you are, not moving anywhere. All right, cool. Vax, you're up. LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Oh, at the top of your turn, by the way, because sleet's still moving, dexterity saving throw. ASHLEY: I didn't move. MATT: You didn't move, so it wouldn't have made a huge difference anyway, so that's fine. MARISHA: But concentration spell? MATT: She cast it at the end of her turn. She already lost concentration because of your last flaming column of fire of doom. MARISHA: Burn burn burn. MATT: So dexterity saving throw? LIAM: Is a 23. MATT: Yeah, you're fine. LIAM: Okay. ASHLEY: Where the fuck are you? TALIESIN: It's like Where's Waldo with knives. MARISHA: It totally is. If Waldo was a serial killer. TALIESIN: (creepy voice) Where am I? ASHLEY: I mean, we can't-- TALIESIN: I would think a dark reboot of Where's Waldo would do really well. MARISHA: That would be phenomenal. Like a Freddy Krueger Where's Waldo. ASHLEY: If you find him, you die. This is rough. MATT: All right, that ends Vax's turn. Keyleth, you're up. ASHLEY: He's right behind me, isn't he? MARISHA: Again? Already? Okay, I'm going to peek around my corner. Do I see anybody? Another perception check. I'm going to peek through my wall of my hole that I've made. MATT: This is your action to take your perception, by the way. MARISHA: It's an action? MATT: Bonus action, we'll say. 27? What did you roll? MARISHA: 27 to see where the fuck you are. LIAM: Perception? I rolled-- well, here's the thing. Let me tell you. TALIESIN: I imagine a little chessboard-- MATT: Are you looking through this way? MARISHA: I'm looking through this wall. MATT: You don't see anything. MARISHA: Then I prepare a Blight spell, and I hold. MATT: Until? MARISHA: Until I see either Pike or Vax appear in my view. MATT: Okay. Good to know. All right, that brings us to Pike's turn. Pike, what are you doing? ASHLEY: I'm going to hold my turn until someone attacks me. MARISHA: Nobody move! MATT: You can't hold your whole turn. You have an action prepared. What do you want to do with your action? ASHLEY: If someone attacks me, then I'm going to attack back. MATT: Okay, so you're going to hold your attack action until somebody attacks you? Okay. ASHLEY: Come out of hiding, motherfucker! MARISHA: Come out, come out, wherever you are. MATT: That brings us to Vax's turn. ASHLEY: (whistles as if for a dog) MATT: Okay. It is now Keyleth's turn. MARISHA: Are you just fucking hiding, motherfucker? Are you just waiting this out? Are you camping right now? Are you being a fucking camper? LIAM: This is in-tents. TALIESIN: Wow. MATT: I'm going to give you damage for that. (laughs) I'm kidding. This is turning into a bad Counterstrike match real fast. MARISHA: I'm going to do another scan to see if I can find the motherfucker. MATT: Looking out where? MARISHA: My same hole! And then probably nothing. 18. MATT: Nothing. MARISHA: Okay, someone's got to do something here. Let me see. What do I have in my bag? Papa's got a brand new bag. I am going to-- MATT: You're on deck, Pike. MARISHA: I still have a Blight spell prepared, right? MATT: You didn't cast it. It never happened. MARISHA: So I put it away? MATT: Yeah. You didn't actually cast it. You were ready that if it happened, you would do it immediately. You could do the same thing, if you wanted to, though it seems like everyone is doing nothing right now, so if this continues, I'm going to have to shake things up. MARISHA: I'm going to crawl out of the wall here. Crawl over. This is still lava flow, correct? MATT: It is, but the sleet spell has cooled it, and most of this now is darkened rock again, actually, due to the constant cold rain and snow. It's still hot in there, but there's a shell of rock over it. You're not sure how strong it is. MARISHA: All right, here's what I want to do, then-- MATT: Also, how does the sleet spell work? You may have walked into your own spell radius. TALIESIN: That would be-- never mind. MATT: When a creature enters the spell area. Yeah. If you don't want to do that, you can back up, but otherwise, you'd be walking right into your sleet spell. MARISHA: I didn't realize it would stretch that far. MATT: Yeah, it's a 40-foot radius, so it's out to here. MARISHA: Okay, I'm going to-- sorry, there's a lot going on. MATT: What are you doing? MARISHA: I'm trying to figure it out! I don't have a whole lot! I'm going to cast a Tidal Wave. I'm going to leave my sleet spell up, I guess. I will cast a Tidal Wave, which is in this thing, ten feet wide, ten feet tall. MATT: Yup. MARISHA: 30-foot long. MATT: Yup. So you have a ten-foot-wide column you can put anywhere for 30 feet. MARISHA: Anywhere in a 20-foot radius, so I can see here, correct? I want to do it going this way. MATT: Starting from where? MARISHA: Here, where I can see, and going this way. MATT: Okay. Five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30 would just hit Pike. All right, so, Pike, as you're waiting and waiting, all of a sudden you see this surge of water come splashing across the way towards you. You turn-- Make a dexterity check. Or a dexterity saving throw, sorry. LIAM: What's the spell? MATT: Tidal Wave. It's what she used to destroy the elementals. MARISHA: Yeah, it's instantaneous so my thing is still up. ASHLEY: 17? MARISHA: Fail. MATT: So you take 4d6 bludgeoning damage and you are knocked prone here. ASHLEY: 4d6? MARISHA: 4d8, so that's eight, 16, 17. Wait, 4d8? 17. MATT: 17 points of bludgeoning damage, and you are knocked prone as the wave crashes over you, dissipating into the stonework around, leaving little puddles that begin to steam and boil upon the impact across the ground, even as the sleet storm is crashing all around you. MARISHA: That's my turn. MATT: All righty. You're up, Pike. MARISHA: And I'm going to tuck back up against my wall. ASHLEY: Okay, so. MATT: Okay, at the top of your turn, you need to make a constitution saving throw. MARISHA: Sleet Storm is still up! Sleet Storm! Sleet Storm! ASHLEY: 19. MATT: Yeah, so you maintain your armor. ASHLEY: Okay. Can I just get up and then go to the middle part of the walls? MATT: You can move there. That's about as far as you can get with only half your movement left, so. ASHLEY: Okay. Can I just start swinging and see if I can hit him, if he's in there? MATT: If you want to. Just make an attack up here? Okay. Roll an attack. ASHLEY: I mean, he's not in there, but, I mean, 28. MATT: 28. Whoosh, through the air. Nothing there. MARISHA: 28 is such a great roll, too. MATT: All right. Is that all you're going to do on your turn? ASHLEY: (sighs) Yeah. Yeah. MATT: All right. Vax, you're up. LIAM: Okay. I'm telling you what I'm doing right now. It's interesting. MATT: That will drop stealth. LIAM: Okay. ASHLEY: Do it. MARISHA: (whispering) Show your face. LIAM: Forget that. Just this. MATT: Okay. LIAM: You know what I'm talking about, right? MATT: Are you holding what you were holding before? Okay. Okay. Got it. All right, cool. That ends Vax's turn. Keyleth, you're up. MARISHA: You dickhead. You dick. Okay. I'm going to pop around the corner again. Do I see Pike at all? MATT: No. ASHLEY: (whispering) Sorry. MATT: Nobody's in view right now. (laughter) LIAM: Oh, wow. Ah, it's 11:00, it's amazing. This game is so depressing. ASHLEY: I did not know it was-- I was like, "Oh, yeah, it'll probably be pretty quick." MARISHA: I just broke the fucking pen. I just did a Travis. MATT: (laughs) All right, what are you doing, Keyleth? MARISHA: I'm going to do another-- It sucks when you can't see people. It really fucking sucks. I am going to Call Lightning, I guess. MATT: Okay. You will lose Sleet Storm. You good with that? MARISHA: (quietly) No, not really. MATT: Sleet Storm has been somewhat effectual with Pike, but she's not moving much. Doesn't seem to affect, so it's up to you. MARISHA: Okay. Okay, I'll drop it. MATT: It can be useful. You drop it and go Call Lightning. Sleet Storm ceases as suddenly a small cloud begins to form at the top of this chamber. You hear the crackling and rolling thunder as little flashes of electrical energy begin to appear across the ceiling. MARISHA: I am going to bring it down here. MATT: There? Okay. With that, (thunder). A blast of lightning hits the floor, smashes into the ground, rocks get thrown. No apparent effect. All right. You going to go back in your corner? All right. Pike, you're up. ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to cast Death Ward on myself. My last fourth. MATT: Last fourth spell. Death Ward on Pike. Boom. I'm going to wait-- What else are you doing? ASHLEY: Okay, so. Ugh, so frustrating because I can't see him. Can I make a Spiritual Weapon to see stealthy people? Like stealth goggles? MATT: You can make a Spiritual Weapon that can move around and be a danger, but can't really make it to help you see stuff. ASHLEY: I know, I was just trying. MATT: I mean, an extra bonus action attack doesn't hurt if something does show up, so. Up to you. What do you want to do? ASHLEY: Okay, yeah. I'm going to put a Spiritual Weapon, just hovering, that sweet sword of Sarenrae. MATT: Okay. What level? ASHLEY: Second. MATT: Okay, so a basic Spiritual Weapon appears. I'll go with this yellow one. Where do you want it to go? ASHLEY: Just right above me. MATT: Right above you? All right, so that'll be right there. Okay, that end your turn? All right, suddenly-- LIAM: (whispering) Aw, dang it. MATT: The entirety of the room begins to quake and shift. You hear the cracking as, all of a sudden, every stone wall bursts forth and molten rock begins to spill into the territory. All the walls, now, five feet of lava have filled in. Show me on the map where you last were? LIAM: Where I last was? MATT: Yes, show me. LIAM: Okay. MATT: Okay. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw. Don't have advantage anymore, because Haste is gone. LIAM: I know. That is a 30, I think, hold on. MATT: Yeah, it's plenty. So you dodge out of the way just in time, however, you guys watch as all the walls now, within five feet of them, are now just spilling lava and it's filling into the room. You get the sense that it's going to continue to fill with each passing round. LIAM: You mean closing in? MATT: All the walls are slowly closing in until the room fills with lava. MARISHA: Do we see Vax now? MATT: No, you do not. It is now Vax's turn. LIAM: Okay, so, Pike is in the little tunnel? MATT: From what you can tell. You don't see her. LIAM: Well, I'm looking from my spot. MATT: You don't see her. LIAM: Oh, okay. Right, I don't see her. And I don't see Keyleth. Okay, so what I want to do-- ASHLEY: How's it feel? LIAM: --is use my action to do that, and use my bonus to-- Just a little. MATT: Okay. All right. Just a little? To where? Give me specifically. Sorry, guys. LIAM: So, here. MATT: All right, so. You hear in the distance this kind of hissing sound. Hand me the sheet real fast? So I-- LIAM: Oh, gosh, yeah. MATT: As from around the corner, a tiny serpent appears and lashes out at you, Keyleth. Simon, a very familiar friend. MARISHA: Simon! Oh, hey, bud! Hey, friend, what's up? MATT: Rears back and strikes at you, being the poisonous snake that it is. MARISHA: Oh, no, what's the matter, you lost? You lost, Simon? Oh, don't worry, bud, we're going to get out of this okay. Whoa, fuck! MATT: Go ahead and roll a d20. LIAM: Aw, that's a five. MATT: All right. It strikes at you, and you just kinda step back and go, "Aw, Simon." LIAM: She didn't lose any hit points? Oh, it's an attack roll, got it. MATT: But there is now a tiny little snake there. All righty. That ends your turn. All right. Keyleth, you're up. MARISHA: Okay, so the walls are coming in. Do I see a floating weapon? MATT: No. MARISHA: No? I don't see the floating Sarenrae weapon or anything? MATT: Not really, the wall's too high. The walls are about ten feet up. MARISHA: Okay. I am going to-- Okay, I dropped my Sleet Storm. I am now going to come through and come here. Do I see Vax at all? I'm going to do another perception check. MATT: Perception check as a bonus action. MARISHA: Negative. A two. I've been rolling terribly. TALIESIN: Oh my god, again. MARISHA: So we're trying, now the lava's caving in-- I'm going to just hold Blight. I'm going to hold my action and see if I see Pike or Vax. MATT: Okay. Good to know. All right, Pike, you're up. MARISHA: Blight, or Call Lightning. MATT: Blight or Call Lightning. Which one are you going to do? MARISHA: Well, I'm holding my attack action. It depends on how close they are. MATT: Okay. Usually, you tell what spell you're preparing. MARISHA: Well, I have Call Lightning up as a concentration spell, and Blight is an instant action. If I see Pike, I will Call Lightning. If I see Vax, I will Blight. MATT: Okay, good to know. ASHLEY: All right, I'm going to move forward to the front of this little tunnel here, and I'm going to stay in there. And then I'm going to move my spiritual weapon so it stays with me. Or does it stay with me? MATT: As a bonus action, you can move it 20 feet and repeat an attack against a creature within five feet. ASHLEY: And each square is five? Okay, I'll just keep it with me. MATT: Okay, cool. Top of the round! The lava begins to pool further into the room. You guys notice now as molten rock is now beginning to spill at the ten-foot radius around the walls. Pike, it's starting to get close to closing off the exit of this wall. You see it now beginning to spill into this lava form there. MARISHA: I have my Wall of Stone up here and here. MATT: Correct. But it's still spilling out of all the walls on each side. MARISHA: Sure, right. MATT: You need to make another dexterity check. LIAM: Even though I stepped one in? MATT: You stepped one in, away from it, and then it moved in one more. LIAM: Okay. Ohh! One. MATT: One. TALIESIN: Welcome to the club. MATT: You take 42 points of fire damage TALIESIN: Whoa! MATT: As the lava surges past you, you manage to just step out of the very edge, but a familiar sensation hits you as the severe pain you once held in one foot, you now feel in both. All righty! Vax, it's your turn. LIAM: Okay. I'm going to materialize. I'll have gone one, two, three, four, five to here. I'm going to throw a dagger-- MATT: The moment you appear, Keyleth, you get your Blight spell. MARISHA: Hey, baby. Okay. LIAM: I haven't walked up to you, but if it's ranged-- MATT: No, it's ranged. It's a 30-foot range. As soon as you appear. No, constitution saving throw. LIAM: Constitution. I am doomed, doomed, doomed. So it's on me right now to roll? Here we go. Ugh, it's a big six. Big six. MATT: All right, that is 8d8 necrotic damage against you. LIAM: Oh, I'm gone, I'm out. MARISHA: Low rolls. Ten, 13-- MATT: You do have necrotic resistance. LIAM: Yeah, still. Still going to get knocked out. MARISHA: 28 damage. MATT: So 14 points of necrotic damage to you. LIAM: I'm down. MATT: You're down? As you see Vax appear, dagger in hand, rushing toward you, you turn and release the Blight spell. You see the veins of black curl up his body as his skin begins to curl and tear open in certain places and he falls facedown on the edge of this lava pool right there, one hand kind of like (sizzling), fingers beginning to catch flame as it just touches the edge of the lava. MARISHA: (high-pitched) Sorry! This is like a nightmare I had. (laughter) I feel so guilty. MATT: All right. Keyleth, it's your turn. MARISHA: Okay. Vax is down? MATT: Vax is down. MARISHA: How sadistic do I want to be? MATT: It's up to you. What do you want to do? MARISHA: In typical Keyleth fashion, I walk up to Vax, and I say, so sorry, I'm so sorry, and I push him into the lava. (laughter) LIAM: So what do I do? MATT: You don't do anything, as she kicks your unconscious form into the molten rock, and your body slowly burns away. LIAM: And the Death Ward does nothing against that? Death save, advantage, all of that, nothing? MATT: This isn't so much about death saving throws as your unconscious body, unable to do anything, is being pushed slowly into molten rock. Vax is no more. MARISHA: Wait, wait wait. I'll never let go. I'll never let go, Vax! LIAM: So stupid, Rose! So stupid, Rose! MATT: You watch as the molten rock takes his arm, as it slowly disappears beneath the lava, Marisha, it turns into a middle finger, and disappears beneath the molten rock. LIAM: That's totally on me. I wasn't paying attention. I heard you say Blight and I should have stayed put. That was my mistake. MATT: So that's your action, kicking his body into the lava. MARISHA: That was gnarly. MATT: What do you want to do now? You still have a move, and a bonus if you wanted to use it. MARISHA: I still have a move and a bonus? TALIESIN: Remember, the walls are caving in. MARISHA: Yeah, I know. MATT: I know you wouldn't sink in lava. It's fantasy lava. Every time I look over to chat, there's just someone-- Ugh. LIAM: Guys, it's a game. MATT: It's fun. We're having a good time. She pushed him partially into it and he just burst into flames, is what really would have happened, but it's fine. ASHLEY: Down to the ladies! MATT: It's all good. The physics in Exandria are different than your normal mortal realm. All right. So. You move over there, and you're done? MARISHA: I move over there and still have a bonus, right? All right. I am going to Healing Word myself. MATT: So 1d4 plus six. MARISHA: Yeah, I'm just going to do first-level here, just to top me off. MATT: And Pike, you're up after this. MARISHA: Four! TALIESIN: Ten points. MATT: All right. Pike, you're up. Dude, you had a good game. LIAM: Amazing. So much fun. TALIESIN: You were metal. ASHLEY: I'm going to peek out! MATT: All right. You peek around the corner, and you see Keyleth immediately off across the lava. You also see there is lava lapping at your foot and you can see it moving slowly in your direction. ASHLEY: So how far can I move? MATT: Well, first off, the sleet spell you let go for Call Lightning? ASHLEY: So how far can I move around right here? MATT: That's five, ten. You can move all the way over here if you want, it's up to you. Or over here. ASHLEY: And is there lava over here? Okay, I'm going to move right here. MATT: Okay, you move right there. All right. And you can use your bonus action to move your blade if you want to as well, 20 feet. So you're going to do that? ASHLEY: Yeah, I'll do that. MATT: Five, ten. Where do you want to go for the rest of it? Towards Keyleth? 15, 20. It just floats over the lava, so it's fine. ASHLEY: I am going to cast Harm on Keyleth. MARISHA: That sounds horrible. I don't even know what that is. MATT: Oh, you're about to find out is what you're about to find out! Oh, no. Okay! LIAM: While Matt flips, what I was going to do before I forgot that was stab you in the back, and then just wrench you down into the lava. MATT: Keyleth, make a constitution saving throw. (giggling) Oh no... ASHLEY: Hey, no, man. This is a good match-up, though, because-- LIAM: Three. MATT: All right. You take 14d6 necrotic damage. TALIESIN: Would you like some extra d6? MARISHA: 14d6? LIAM: Take my Sneak Attack dice. TALIESIN: (counting) There you go. All of that! MARISHA: All of them. Roll them all at once. Yes! TALIESIN: Wow. Oh my God. MATT: Re-roll the cocked one. ASHLEY: Oh, that changed that one. Oh well. MATT: That's fine. ASHLEY: (counting) LIAM: I want a fistfight at the end of this. MARISHA: Just go out to the parking lot? Take our shirts off. (rage sound) LIAM: Ow, you hit me in the ear! MARISHA: Stop pulling my hair! ASHLEY: 44. MATT: 44 points of necrotic damage. By the way, your max health is also reduced by 44. LIAM: That necrotic stuff hurts, huh? MATT: What does that bring you to? MARISHA: 31 points. Right? Or 95 minus 44. I way overcompensated. 51, not 31. MATT: 51 hit points. All right, so that's your Harm spell! ASHLEY: Yikes. Okay, and then I'm going to cast-- no, that's all I can do, right? Because I did the bonus action to move the Spiritual Weapon? MATT: Yep, that's it, you're done. All right, Keyleth. Top of the round. The lava pools in even further, and now three squares away from the wall are currently filled now, so you guys are starting to get pushed into the lava pool in the center. You probably have two very careful rounds before you're both taking lava damage. Yeah, you guys can see each other. It's right down to this lava-filled room, the glow of the molten rock around you under-lighting you both as you're standing in the center around this pool, staring at one another for the final showdown. You hear the laughing of the Beyonder in the distance. (Doofus-esque voice) "Heh, heh, this is great." ASHLEY: Oh gosh, she's going to kill me. She's going to kill me! MARISHA: Okay, so first I want to do, just as my action, a Call Lightning right onto Pike. MATT: All right, Pike, I need you to roll a dexterity saving throw. Your favorite! ASHLEY: Natural 20. MATT: Oh, shit. All right. MARISHA: The first natural 20 of the night! MATT: So roll 3d10 lightning damage, halved. ASHLEY: Nice! MARISHA: 22. Halved, 11. MATT: 11 points of lightning damage. As the lightning hits you, charging though your body, the War Cleric in you fills up with even more rage. MARISHA: Now I want to use my bonus action to cast Blight. Or, sorry, no, to cast Grasping Vine. TALIESIN: Oh, shit! ASHLEY: I think I'm done. I'm done for, I'm done for! MARISHA: I fucking love lava, by the way. If I can do it here... MATT: All right. So a vine whips out 30 feet. (counting) Yeah, she's in range. ASHLEY: Oh, shit! MATT: All right, so, Pike, I need you to make a dexterity saving throw. LIAM: Brutal. ASHLEY: Yeah, it gets me. MATT: The vine streaks out, black and charred, almost like the dead forest-type exterior. It whips around you and drags you forward 20 feet into the center of the lava. You take-- (giggling) Oh my God. This is not good for you. All right, so that's 45 points of fire damage. ASHLEY: 45. Oh, shit. MATT: As you're now being pulled into this hard but super molten rock shell, your whole body bursts into flames as now the flaming fires of righteousness of Sarenrae are now met by the flaming fires of your flesh actually burning off. What are you at, health-wise? ASHLEY: I'm at four. I have Death Ward. Not that that's probably even going to do anything. LIAM: Oh, look, this one's gloating already! MATT: Keyleth, that's the end of your turn? All right, Pike, you're up! Pike, you can move out of this, because if you stay in there at the end of your turn, you're going to take the damage again. ASHLEY: (shouting) Fuck! Okay. So. Hmm. MATT: The vine's still right there, ready to grab you again. ASHLEY: Okay. Can I take my Spiritual Weapons and cut off the vines? MATT: The Grasping Vine itself is more of an effect that she can continue, to have more vines grow out of it, so it's not going to do much. You've seen it before, you know how it works. ASHLEY: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. MATT: The vine can only pull towards it. MARISHA: That's true. It's not a grapple. MATT: Yeah. So if you were to move towards the vine, it wouldn't be able to pull you into the lava again, essentially. ASHLEY: So I need to get out. Yeah, I'm going to get out. MATT: Which direction? ASHLEY: Where is the lava now? MATT: The vine's right there. The lava has now pooled into here. You're only really going to have this space and this space. ASHLEY: Okay, so I'll just crawl out towards her. I'm done. I'm done! I can't do anything. LIAM: You've still got high AC. ASHLEY: Do I still have a spell? MATT: Yeah! You haven't done anything. All you did was move. As a bonus action, you could move this over to attack her, if you wanted to. ASHLEY: In addition to doing something else? MATT: Yeah, as a bonus action. Although it is a concentration spell, and I need you to roll against 44 points of damage. Roll a constitution check. ASHLEY: Okay. 19. MATT: Plus your constitution? Oh, with your constitution? Nah. Spiritual Weapon is gone. ASHLEY: Okay, so, shit. I've got to play this correctly. You're 51? LIAM: Got anything that can put her in the pool? Your biggest damage, right there. MARISHA: It's like a pool party wrestling match. TALIESIN: Sear your shame. Lock in the flavor. ASHLEY: Okay, so I do have a 3rd-level. Can I throw her ass into the lava? MATT: If you wanted to try and shove her, there is lava right behind her there. ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to try and shove her with my-- No! I'm going to Command her to jump into the pool of lava. MATT: You can Command one word. LIAM: Swim. TALIESIN: Don't help! Don't help. ASHLEY: Yeah. How do I word this? What's the word? Jump? Ah, fuck. MATT: You can try. Let me see here. Let me look at this real fast. LIAM: What does that penguin say? Slide? MARISHA: Slide! Now slide, now slide. Now dip, baby, dip. MATT: It has no effect if your command is directly harmful to it, so it wouldn't work. ASHLEY: Okay, so I'll just shove her back into the lava that's behind her. LIAM: Hold on, let me take my earrings off. ASHLEY: I mean, what can I do at this point? MATT: This is going to be interesting. All right, so you move into here. Well, you can probably do it from here, because technically you're both adjacent at this point. Go ahead and you can make a shove as your attack. ASHLEY: Yeah, I don't know how to do that. Or I can use my Frostbrand. MATT: Make a strength (athletics) check. ASHLEY: Okay. Strength and athletics? Okay, so 16. MATT: All right, you can roll either an athletics or an acrobatics check, Keyleth. MARISHA: I'll take athletics for that. 14. MATT: Pike rushes around the corner with her shield and slams into you. You get pushed back into the lava that has curled out from that side. MARISHA: Oh, hot. Oh, hot hot hot. MATT: Let's see. Yeah, okay, so Keyleth takes, as part of this action, 19, 29, 35 points of fire damage from the shove. MARISHA: I'm alive, I'm alive. MATT: You're alive? All right. Pike, does that end your turn? ASHLEY: Yeah, there's nothing else I can do, right? MATT: You haven't used your bonus action yet, I don't think. You used your action to shove. ASHLEY: And I can't use a 7th-level, correct? If it's a bonus action? It's a bonus action. MARISHA: A 7th-level spell? You have a bonus action 7th-level spell? What the fuck? MATT: What spell is it? ASHLEY: Divine Word. MATT: Divine Word. Let me pull this up real fast. Divine Word is a bonus action, yeah. (laughs in surprise) Okay, yeah, you can do this! ASHLEY: I can? MATT: You can, yeah. Because you used your action to shove. All right, Keyleth, I need you to make a charisma saving throw. MARISHA: (sarcastically) Oh, my strongest points! MATT: (laughs) I know. MARISHA: Plus three. Nine. MATT: How many hit points are you at? MARISHA: 16. MATT: Ashley, how do you want to do this? MARISHA: Oh! Shut up! MATT: So, how Divine Word works: "You utter a Divine Word, imbued with the power that shaped the world at the dawn of Creation." Because clerics. "Choose any number of creatures you can see within range. Each creature that can hear you must make a charisma saving throw. On a failed save, a creature suffers an effect based on its hit points." 50 or lower, they're deafened for a minute. 40 or lower, they're deafened and blinded for ten minutes. 30 or lower, they're blinded, deafened, and stunned for an hour. 20 hit points or lower: killed instantly. Ashley, how do you want to do this? ASHLEY: All right. I'm going to walk over to her, because she's down, right? MATT: She's in the lava right now. MARISHA: I'm in the lava just screaming bloody murder. ASHLEY: I'm going to just touch her hair, and I'm going to say (tender voice) I'm sorry, but I need to kill you. And smoosh her face into the lava! (laughter) MATT: As you slam her head down, radiant, divine energy fills the space around you, and then curls dark as you push your friend face-down into the lava. You hear her screams muffled as the molten rock begins to consume her hair, burning off her head, the divine energy protecting you from the heat. As you pull back suddenly, this smoldering, smoky ruin that was once Keyleth begins to slowly melt away against the tide of lava. The pouring rock halts in place as a voice goes, "And... I have my victor!" Suddenly, the lava right behind you tears open, and you find yourself falling, plummeting into darkness, and the plummeting turns into just falling and falling, then light begins to fill the space beneath you, and you look down as a small platform of marble approaches you. You think you're about to crash into it at full terminal velocity. Instead, your feet gingerly touch, and you come to stand there. The same strange, white-clad, jheri curl-haired gentleman walks up to you and goes, "Well played!" and high-fives you. "I'll send you on back. Your friends are fine!" and then you see the corpses of your three friends rise up out of the marble, still as wrecked as they were from the battle. ASHLEY: Hi. Sorry! LIAM: We're really more of a co-mingled milkshake. We'll be together forever! MATT: It's a little disturbing. He hasn't restored them to their actual form. They all start shambling towards you. He goes, "Oh, sorry about that. Er, this was a dream!" Snaps, and he goes to darkness. Well done! Congratulations! (cheering) LIAM: The monstah! ASHLEY: The monstah! Oh, down to the nitty-gritties! MATT: Four hit points, the lava pushing in, that was crazy! I didn't realize that was a bonus action! ASHLEY: I didn't realize it was a bonus action until you were like, you have a bonus action, and I looked down, and I was like, okay, well. Oh, shit. MARISHA: Had you rolled a few points higher on that lava, she would have been dead. Or had I rolled higher on my Lightning. ASHLEY: With Death Ward, would that have done anything, or no? MATT: It would have brought you back to one. ASHLEY: Okay, so I would have still had that one hit point. LIAM: Also, when you cast that Blight on me, I had 14 hit points. Whatever number of hit points I had is what you hit me for. MATT: (laughing) Oh, that sucks. You put necrotic resistance specifically because you were afraid of Blight. Yeah. LIAM: By the way, she texted me today, going, "But I won't use that on you, I promise." (laughter) MARISHA: Oh, I totally did say that, didn't I? LIAM: Yeah. No, I knew that you were a liar. Liar. MARISHA: If it makes you feel better, I kind of forgot about it, between now and then. (laughter) ASHLEY: Travis just texted me and said, "I am so proud." My buddy! MATT: Aww. ASHLEY: Wow. I was not expecting that. MARISHA: So, wait, I have a question. My armor has spell resistance, which gives me advantage on saving throws? MATT: Spell resistance gives you advantage on spell saving throws, yes. MARISHA: But that wouldn't have helped against her thing, just now? MATT: No, it would've. Yep. MARISHA: But I didn't have to roll to save. MATT: It was a charisma saving throw. MARISHA: Oh my God, it was a charisma saving throw! I would have had advantage! MATT: Roll again. The outcome's already happened, but. MARISHA: It's already happened. I rolled an 18! MATT: What was your charisma bonus? MARISHA: Plus three, so 21. MATT: Your charisma saving throw bonus is plus three? MARISHA: Yeah, because I have the Ring of Protection. I gain a plus two bonus to AC and saving throws. MATT: Well, this is a valuable lesson in remembering what your spells can do. MARISHA: What my armor does, yeah. So I would have saved against that? MATT: Possibly, yeah. MARISHA: Fucking fuck! A 21. I would have saved. ASHLEY: You would have saved. MATT: It was an epic end. LIAM: But you also accidentally benefited from something we weren't supposed to. At some point. MARISHA: At some point, yeah, I'm sure. MATT: It all balances out. It all comes out in the wash. That Divine, man, that's such a cool ability. MARISHA: Man, that's funny. LIAM: That was exhilarating! ASHLEY: Gosh, that was down to the end! TALIESIN: I've got to think up better ways to kill you. LIAM: I'm surprised no one went into the lava until the very, very end, too. TALIESIN: I had plans, but you scared everybody into the corners. The minute you vanished, it just changed everything. The minute anybody had walked in front of that, I had a ten-foot push. LIAM: I feel like I would have lost momentum right away, if I hadn't gone into stealth. MARISHA: Had I saved, my next move was going to be a thunder blast, to try and push you into the lava. ASHLEY: I would have been done-zo. MARISHA: It came very close! ASHLEY: Good job! ALL: Good game. MATT: But be aware that she still had Death Ward, so even if you did hit her with that-- MARISHA: She would have had to come back. Back up with one hit point, and then would have done it again. MATT: Done something else, yes. Either way, that was an epic end. Man, cleric victory, both Battle Royales we've had. MARISHA: Cleric victory! Clerics are badass in general. MATT: Yeah, everyone out there is like, "Eh, I don't want to play a cleric." TALIESIN: Clerics. Two rounds, now. ASHLEY: Because you can heal yourself! MATT: Yeah. That saved you! Staying off to the side and healing yourself with your bonus actions and stuff, when no one was around? ASHLEY: Yeah, I was like I'll just build up and then-- MATT: Hey, man, that's what saved you. LIAM: It got so dirty at the end. So dirty and nasty. MARISHA: You guys did a lot of damage to my stone form up front, but someone almost brought me down. I was at six hit points and I stayed at six hit points for a long time. TALIESIN: I know, I was about to-- That was when my gun broke. I was about to get you to drop, and then the gun broke. MARISHA: Yeah, you were about to drop me. I ended up dropping it myself because at this point it was turning into a Mexican standoff and I couldn't do anything, and I can't cast spells when I'm in an earth elemental form. MATT: Yeah. Well done, guys. LIAM: My time was up. Even if the Blight hadn't gotten me, without Haste, I was going to start getting seen more often, and I was low, and you guys had plenty of frigging spells left at that point. I would've been toast. MARISHA: I was just running out of options. MATT: You guys were down to the wire, as far as spell options. MARISHA: I was down to the wire, because I burned 7th-level on Firestorm, 6th-level on Sunbeam, which only did half damage on him once, so that wasn't great. I still had a 5th-level spell left, and one 4th-level. I burned through all my 3rd-levels. LIAM: One day you guys will get the whole group. MATT: One day. All of Vox Machina. MARISHA: And it'll be an eight-hour fight! ASHLEY: Yeah, that would be the longest fight ever. MATT: No. You have to understand, you guys had a lot of stand-away characters in this. Throwing Grog in the mix changes everything very quickly. He can move quickly and tear your face off quickly. And having Vex over there, who does a shit-ton of damage from a distance. And Sam of course being Sam. Having all of you guys in one arena, fighting? I'm looking forward to it. It's going to be a real crazy fight when it happens. MARISHA: Sam would be tough to square off against. He'd be another one to get me down to the wire. MATT: And he's got War Caster, so he gets advantage on his concentration checks, too. MARISHA: It's tough, too, because a lot of it comes down to order, after a while. It comes down to turn order. ASHLEY: Shit, I always forget that I have advantages on charisma saving throws. Advantage on all intelligence, wisdom, and charisma saving throws. TALIESIN: I know that your strength is artificially increased. Does that artificially increase your skill sets, too? So actually, technically, your athletics should be four. ASHLEY: Oh, shit, so I probably would have rolled a little higher on some of these. MATT: It's fine. You still succeeded. MARISHA: It all balances out. MATT: Everyone's saying "Happy Birthday, Liam and Laura!" ALL: Happy Birthday! MATT: Yeah, they're all wishing you Happy Birthday! LIAM: Thank you! MARISHA: If I hear one more "Read Your Spells," people, I am going to murder somebody. No more! No more read your spells or read your sheets. There's a lot to keep track of! This is my binder. Look at all this! TALIESIN: You don't have other stuff to deal with, either. MARISHA: Yeah, it's not like I have three full-time jobs. MATT: Nah, it's all good. Well, guys, thank you so much for watching. I hope you had as much fun as we did on this. We'll be back on the actual set, once it'll be finished, next week, for the continuation of the showdown with Umbrasyl and Vox Machina, in which our buddy here, Liam, and Sam are both currently inside the dragon, with Grog dragging behind, and it looks like we may have a guest player next week as well. Also, next Wednesday, I'll be at Meltdown Comics, streaming with Wizards of the Coast, the official Dungeons & Dragons guys, unveiling their new lineup of D&D stuff, and unveiling a new, cool project that I've been kind of developing with them and a few other guests. Ashley, you saw, was announced as one of them. She's playing as our cleric in the group there. We also have Brian Posehn who was announced, the fantastic comedian/actor/writer. He's going to be there, and we have a few other cool surprise guests that will be announced in the near future. Anyway, that's next Wednesday. Look for the info at the official D&D twitter. Until then, guys, have a wonderful night, rest well, and is it Thursday yet? Goodnight, guys!	Critical Role RPG Show Q&A and Battle Royale!	https://www.kryogenix.org/crsearch/html/cr1-54.01.html
# Critical Role Campaign 1 Episode 1 ## Arrival at Kraghammer MATT: Hello everyone. My name is Matthew Mercer, voice actor and Dungeon Master for Critical Role on Geek & Sundry, where I take a bunch of other voice actors and run them through a fantastical fantasy adventure through the world of Dungeons & Dragons. We play every Thursday at 7:00pm Pacific Standard Time on Geek & Sundry's Twitch stream. Please come watch us live if you have the opportunity. Back episodes and future episodes will be uploaded on the Geek & Sundry website. You can also check them out there. In the meantime, enjoy! Welcome to first episode of Critical Role, and what this basically is is a continuation of our weekly D&D game. Me and a bunch of other likely nerdy and enjoyable voice actors gathering around, rolling some dice, killing some creatures, having some adventure. Now we have the pleasure of bringing it on the stream for you to watch, enjoy, and occasionally interact with. Before we get to that, to give you a little backstory on the characters you'll be seeing this evening, we're going to play some videos for you in a second. Do note for all you hardcore gamers out there, a lot of this is house-ruled, loosey-goosey having a good time. So all you number crunchers, stop paying attention there, just have fun with it. Nevertheless, we have some background story on many of the characters you'll be seeing this evening to help you jump into the story. Let's go ahead and enjoy those in a minute, then we'll introduce the players. So have fun! TRAVIS: Right, listen up! If you have ale, then you have a friend in Grog Strongjaw! A goliath of towering height and size, this barbarian has an appetite for the two great loves in his life: combat, women, and ale! [record scratch] Wait. Easily the brains of the group, Grog is often consulted for his vast knowledge of shapes, colors, and shiny things! Also ale. In his early years, armed with his two-handed greataxe, Grog often enjoyed proving his might amongst the ranks of his family's wandering herd. But after coming upon an unsuspecting elderly gnome in the woods, he objected to the killing of such an innocent life. A creature of impulse, Grog felt only pity for this-- well, this terrified little thing. And his disobedience cost him dearly. Beaten bloody, and banished by the herd leader, his Uncle Kevdak, Grog was abandoned and left to die. Exiled from his herd, it was then that the relative of the very gnome he fought to save, saved him. It was the kindness of a gnome cleric named Pike that healed Grog, bringing him back from death's edge. And they have remained close friends ever since. Most nights, Grog can be found challenging entire taverns to wrestling matches! Or accompanying Scanlan to the nearest house where you pay for lady favors. Also ale! MARISHA: A first impression of Keyleth would leave you with little information on the half-elven druid. You might even think that her social awkwardness due to her sheltered upbringing is kind of sweet. Of course, it would be unwise underestimate her based on first impressions. [thunder crack] Under that un-intimidating petite frame is a vicious beast waiting to be unleashed, whose natural powers have made even the fiercest of champions pee their pants, literally! Born to the Air Tribe of the Ashari people, Keyleth was raised with a deep love of nature and the elemental magics. It is her people's inherent duty to protect the delicate areas in Tal'Dorei where the four elemental planes begin to bleed with this realm. Since she was a little girl, she had quite a knack for air manipulation and beast shaping abilities. Well, if you consider kittens and flying squirrels to be little beasts. Which, I do. Anyways, it wasn't long before the headmaster of the tribe, her father, Korren, realized her true prodigious abilities and she was inveterated to succeed him as the next headmaster. Just like that, her jovial childhood was stripped and replaced with endless spell memorization, teachings from ancient traditions, and exceedingly high expectations. Every druid leader-to-be must embark on a journey to seek out the sister tribes in order to introduce and establish respect amongst the fellow headmasters. They call this the Aramente, or Noble Odyssey. When her father felt she was ready, he set her on the path to truly discovering herself, not knowing when, or if, she will ever return. As she hiked down the mountain towards Stilben, she meditated on the task ahead. Part of the Aramente is proving yourself a strong warrior, a valiant protector, and a wise and compassionate leader. With this knowledge, one thought plays in repeat in her mind: Is she even worthy? TALIESIN: Percy was the third child of seven children, born to a noble family who lived far to the north in the ancient castle of Whitestone. With so many siblings to share the burdens of lordship, Percy turned his attention to the sciences, engineering, and naturalism. One day, a mysterious couple, named Lord and Lady Briarwood, came to court. During a feast held in their honor, the Briarwoods violently took control of the castle, killing or imprisoning everyone who would stand in their way. Percy awoke chained in the dungeon, only to be freed by his younger sister. Together they fled, chased by the Briarwoods' men. As they ran, Percy's sister took several arrows to the chest and fell. Percy kept running, eventually jumping into a freezing river and floating unconscious to freedom. He did not remember waking up on a fishing boat. He barely remembered the next two years, as he slowly made his way as far south as possible. Then one night, Percy had a dream. A roaring cloud of smoke offered him vengeance against those who destroyed his family. When he awoke, Percy began to design his first gun. SAM: Oh, you haven't heard of Scanlan Shorthalt? Well, gird your loins, ladies, because he has his eye on you. A talented musician, master of disguise, and dashingly handsome in his own mind, Scanlan sings songs almost as much as he sings his own praises. Born a poor gnome, Scanlan used his endless charm and soaring tenor voice to croon for coin and support his single mother. One day, he was discovered by a half-orc promoter, and joined Dr. Dranzel's Spectacular Traveling Troupe where he learned the ways of the world, and honed his skills as a bard extraordinaire. A loner much of his life, Scanlan has never quite come to terms with the violent death of his mother at the hands of a goblin invasion. While his years on the road provided many, shall we say, educational experiences with the opposite sex, deep down Scanlan yearns for the one thing he's never known: the true love of a fellow gnome. Still, Scanlan considers himself a lover first, performer second, and fighter distant third. On the battlefield, he'll support his allies, but rarely draws blood, unless it's to protect fellow gnome, Pike. Count on Scanlan for a hearty laugh, a rollicking song, and a twinkle in his eye that melts hearts and makes the females swoon. ORION: Greetings and salutations, I am Tiberius Stormwind. I hail from a town called Ty'rex, located in the heart of Draconia, born from a politically respected family. At the age of 15, I succeeded in passing the Sorcerer's Rite, showing prodigy-like control of my magic. The judges and the Draconian high council were amazed at how powerful my spells were for how long I had been training. At 20 years old, I was the youngest appointed member of the magic guild in Draconian history. For the next few years, I almost went mad from the malaise of being a guild member, as it's rather boring. However, one day I happened upon a chamber, unused for quite some time. In the room were stacks of books and maps of the surrounding cities and areas around the known world. For months, I would frequent the chamber, and learned of artifacts from legend. After a long period of research, I made a list of artifacts that caught my eye. I brought these findings to the high council and was told that all of the information in the chamber I had stumbled upon was either believed to be fiction, or unsolvable mysteries, and hence were lost forever. I found those answers to be unacceptable. A year later, I devised a ruse and managed to convince the city council to lend support in me leaving Draconia on a mission of peace and diplomacy for the surrounding kingdoms. Going from town to town and making friends and allies in and for the name of Draconia. Being a red dragonborn, I had quite the task on my hands in that respect, but it was exactly what I needed so I could explore the world and find these artifacts, as I felt the truth was out there. Some may describe me as buffoonish, but I say poppycock to all that. I am much sharper than most give me credit for. I just don't pay attention to things sometimes. I've also been known to be rather cunning, loyal, happy-go-lucky, and well, dangerous. I can't help but show my true scales every now and then. But overall, I think I'm quite friendly for a dragonborn. LIAM: Never entirely welcome in the company of elves or men, Vax'ildan learned at a young age to skip past formality, preferring instead to invite himself in your door. Along with twin sister Vex'ahlia, Vax was born by a chance encounter between elven royalty and human peasantry. Raised by their mother in their early years, the twins were eventually sent off to their father in the elven capital of Syngorn. But their cool reception among the elves there never warmed, and their time in the capital didn't last. The siblings stole away one autumn night and set out on the open road. After a few years of wandering, they eventually decided to return to their mother, and journeyed back to the lands of their youth. But instead of finding their childhood home, they returned to a pile of rubble. Their mother was gone, their home burned to ash. Pressing the townspeople for answers, they learned of the day the dragon came. With their ties all severed, Vax'ildan and his sister set out to find their fortune together in Tal'Dorei. An outsider since birth, Vax quickly learned to solve life's challenges in his own particular way, often by sidestepping them entirely. And when his knack for circumventing adversity isn't enough, the way of blades the elves schooled him in more than makes up the difference. LAURA: Like so many half-elves, Vex'ahlia has spent most of her life suffering the cool reception of a people who don't fully accept her. Born of a human mother, and an elven father who only later in life took an interest in their existence, Vex'ahlia and her twin brother, Vax'ildan, quickly realized the only people they could truly rely on in this world were each other. It was at the age of ten when the two were taken from their mother, and brought to live in Syngorn, the isolated elven city for which their father was an ambassador. He quietly took them in, but always kept an icy distance, and after too many years of disdainful looks, the pair decided to leave his indifference behind, and set out on their own. Vax took to the cities, stealing small trinkets and learning the ways of the thief, while Vex kept to the woods. She preferred the isolation. Always the keen observer, she learned to hunt and to track, to spy and to shoot. Through a series of fateful events, earned herself a companion in the form of a bear-- her own stolen Trinket-- to fight alongside her and protect her fiercely. Also, he is adorable, and gives expert massages. Like so many half-elves-- MATT: Hey guys, welcome back. To give you a little heads up, we are playing the 5th edition of Dungeons & Dragons. We recently converted over from Pathfinder, for those who play Pathfinder. One of our players was a gunslinger, for which there are no rules for in 5th edition. So I had to create and customize those for the game, so bear with us on that. That will be an interesting ride, regardless. We do have an eight-player game we've been playing for two years, which is a little crazy, which is why we go a little loose with the rules. It's a great group, it's a lot of fun. Not everyone can make every game, so we have enough players to definitely pull a party each time. ZAC: Just so you know, we're having an audio bottleneck. It'll take about 30 seconds to work itself out. MATT: Okay, audio bottleneck. ZAC: Tech problems that make me want to murder someone. MATT: That's okay. Just a second. You let us know when it's okay to talk. TRAVIS: I don't know what that means, a bottleneck. MATT: Are we all right? And how are we? Exterminate. Exterminate. SAM: Nice. Audio isn't working they're going to watch something else. Thanks, douche. (laughter) MATT: Is the mic adjusted? Is it any better? ZAC: Better now. We're good. MATT: Well, great. Thank you guys. A couple of things transitioned from Pathfinder to 5th edition may be a little strange and fun. We have a lot of players, but they're great folks and most of that just means I have to work really hard to make sure the game keeps going, so that's on me. Ashley Johnson, unfortunately, cannot join us. She's our gnome cleric, Pike. She'll be here next week. Unfortunately, she's in London accepting a BAFTA, so I think we're okay. For the Last of Us. That's harsh. Also no donations this week, but going forward we will have donations available for those that will help partially run the show from our wonderful cameraman and crew. Also, half of our donations will go to the 826 charity. Marisha, if you want to talk a little about that. MARISHA: Yes! 826LA is a charity that focuses on tutoring children in an after-school program and helping specifically with creativity, storytelling, art and general things that relate to Dungeons & Dragons. You should definitely check out the Time Travel Mart. There is one in Echo Park and one in Mar Vista. They have this amazing storefront where you can buy these awesome tchotchkes and things that go immediately to support the charity and the stream. It's awesome. It's 826LA, you should look it up. There's a few all over the country. MATT: Yes. Also, as a heads up because I saw some of you guys ask me in the chatroom: These videos will be available on the Geek & Sundry YouTube Channel soon enough, as well as a more extensive backstory of the party. We'll have all that content ready for you so you don't have to memorize it. Maybe a bio page, I don't know. We'll figure something out. It'll be fine. Anyway, let's open that up. You know who I am. Matthew Mercer, voice actor and I've been running this game for two years. I'm a hardcore nerd. Let's go around the table and introduce our players so you can attach the faces to the intros you just saw. Let's start on this side with Travis. TRAVIS: Oh! Hi. I'm Travis Willingham, voice actor, gamer. I play Grog the goliath barbarian. LAURA: Hi. I'm Laura Bailey. I'm also, you know, a voice actor like everyone here. TRAVIS: Yeah. I think we all are. LAURA: I'm playing Vex'ahlia. The coolest chick ever. MATT: The ranger with the bear. LAURA: The ranger with the bear named Trinket, in case you didn't catch that. His name is Trinket and he's amazing. LIAM: Hi, I'm Liam O'Brien. I'm playing Vax'ildan. This one's twin. We're half-elven twins. I started playing D&D when I was 13 and I can't believe this is happening. So cheers. Cheers to this. TALIESIN: My name is Taliesin Jaffe. I'm a voice actor, director, and I've been playing some form of Dungeons & Dragons, and if you can't tell by my black clothing, a lot of Vampire the Masquerade when I was a teenager. There was a problem. I'm playing Percy, the Gunslinger. I'm the reason all the rules are all messed up. MARISHA: I am Keyleth, the druid from the tribe of the Air Ashari. I am a half-elven person. MATT: No, you're elven. MARISHA: No, half-elf. MATT: Half-elf. Okay. MARISHA: Yeah, Come on, man. I've been half-elf since day one. Half-elven. Yes! You can see me shooting lightning and turning into awesome animals. MATT: Orion. ORION, MATT: Hi. ORION: Hey, everybody. I'm Orion Acaba and I'm also a voice actor. I do things. MARISHA: Oh, I'm Marisha Ray, by the way. ORION: Yeah! MARISHA: Did I say that? ORION: Keyleth is Marisha Ray. MATT: Let Orion have his moment. Don't try and break-- ORION: No, it's our moment. MATT: There you go. All right. ORION: I'm Tiberius the awesome sorcerer. MATT: Dragonborn sorcerer. ORION: Dragonborn, yeah! That's right. SAM: I'm Sam Riegel: a voice actor, and stuff. My character is Scanlan Shorthalt. The gnome bard who sings a lot. Let's start playing, yeah? (cheering) MATT: All right! Let's jump on in. Thank you. Last we left off, to give you a little backstory. The party had completed a large venture in saving the nearby city of Emon. One of the central capitals of this human civilization of Tal'Dorei. They managed to halt a demonic insurrection within the throne and as such were greeted to a hero's celebration and had a keep built in their honor. Over the six month period of the keep being constructed, they went their own ways and then returned to see its final creation. However, they did not have a chance to really enjoy it immediately as one of their good friends and allies, Arcanist Allura Vysoren of the Tal'Dorei council came to them requesting their aid saying that a long time friend of hers, Lady Kima of Vord, who is a very well known and very well respected halfling paladin of Bahamut, the Platinum Dragon, had been gone on a pilgrimage for a while, essentially a vision quest that is part of her own development as a paladin. As part of this, she let the information go to Allura that a dark vision had come to her saying that some sort of evil root is beginning to breed beneath Kraghammer and the mountains within Kraghammer, which is the nearby dwarven civilization that you guys have previously not been allowed entry to because the dwarves weren't fans of nobody without any political means of entry. However, she managed to acquire the necessary documentation and offered you a very substantial reward should you find the whereabouts of Lady Kima of Vord and hopefully bring her back safely. You left on the pathway to the dwarven citadel of Kraghammer. You were ambushed by a group of roaming barbarian goliaths. Part way through the battle, Grog managed to recognize one of them as a previous ally and no longer an ally at this time. TRAVIS: Son of a bitch. MATT: Yep, the barbarian for his first and only time so far managed to avert battle through a social encounter and rolled pretty damn well on a persuasion check. So you got one. You get one. You got your one. Never again. TRAVIS: Next time he dies. MATT: Yeah. Essentially. Which managed to not turn it into complete bloodshed. You continued on your way to Kraghammer, presented your paperwork, were given entry into the city and that is where we begin this adventure. LAURA: Oh no. SAM: In the city of Kraghammer? MATT: In the city of Kraghammer. SAM: Wow! This is fantastic. TRAVIS: We're in, right? MARISHA: Yes. We were at the door. We were talking to someone right? MATT: Yeah, you were talking to the front guards at the gate of Kraghammer. They have begrudgingly let you inside. Giving you a couple of pointers little prods and sent you into the city proper. You made your way through the darkened alleyways and stone carved tunnel that leads into the main, central portion of the city proper. An enormous underground metropolis sprawls out before you. The dark earth and shadows creating beautiful stone work, marble columns, archways, and labyrinthine bridges climbing across the vertical cityscape. All warmed with the red glow of some strange, crimson rock peppered throughout the town as a light source. A large metal forge envelops the center of this cylindrical city. The entire is a three-tiered cylindrical city that is built into the ground of the mountain itself. Welcome to Kraghammer! LIAM: Remind us. Did we bullshit our way in here, or did-- LAURA: No, we had a way in. MATT: No, Allura got your paperwork so you were actually able to get in this time. LAURA: But, Ashley speaks Dwarvish. Pike speaks-- MATT: Pike speaks Dwarvish and she's not here. ORION: I speak Dwarvish as well! LAURA: Oh good! ORION: I do. SAM: That's fantastic. MATT: The only other bit of information you have about the whereabouts of her is that she came here to go into the mine Apparently, a mithral mine where this evil is supposedly brewing. You heard that the one person who owns the biggest part of the mithral market here cornering, his name was the dwarven Lord Nostoc Greyspine. That was the only name you had in regards to this deep earth quarry. SAM: Greyspine? MATT: Greyspine, correct. SAM: We have to go find him, don't we? TALIESIN: I think before we do anything we should find a place to sleep. ORION: That's true! TRAVIS: Oh! We're all jacked up from before, right? TALIESIN: Wouldn't it be nice to put everything down for a little while. SAM: Of course. I've got a lot of booty that I need to stow. ORION: Good way to phrase that, Scanlan. Also, I would like to check out any places where they might have enchanted libraries or what not. SAM: Can you stick with us? You're the only one that speaks Dwarvish. LIAM: Yes, you're getting ahead of yourself. ORION: I'm just saying put it on the list. LIAM: Let's look around. Are there any dwarves in the vicinity? MATT: Oh, there are many! As you finish this conversation you look about there are two guards posted nearby wearing dark crimson and brass chest plates that have a uniform scar carved across the front. It's actually built into the armor itself as a design. They're both staring awkwardly at all of you arguing in the middle of this entry thoroughfare of Kraghammer. LIAM: Tiberius, make with the dwarf-talk, please. ORION: Hello, friends. My associates and I were looking for a place of lodging for the night and a place of reputable reputation. MATT: One dwarf shouts over to another one, "You hear that, Jepson?! They're looking for a place to stay." "Aye, I heard that right. It's about time we had some new folk in town. Well, if you're looking for a place to stay I'd say your best bet would be the Pig Pits." SAM: Is that the name of a place? MATT: "Yes! Certainly! The Pig Pits." SAM: All right. MATT: "Ask for the Pig Pits--" LAURA: Those are actually pig pits, isn't it? MARISHA: I feel like we're being hazed. MATT: "What?! No! Not at all." TRAVIS: That sounds fine with me. LIAM: This is Common? MATT: This is all in Common, yeah. SAM: Which way to the Pig Pits, sir? MATT: "Pig Pits are that way." He points over the edge and you see down past the central forge structure in the city to the very bottom nearby a large temple that envelops the bottom floor of Kraghammer proper there is indeed a distant slop of mud where internal livestock are being kept. LAURA: I bring out a piece of gold. Please, sir, we're looking for a place to stay that isn't covered in mud. MATT: "It's good to see that at least one of you speaks Dwarvish." Takes the coin, kinks it in his teeth and goes, "All right, now if you're looking for a proper place to stay you're going to look for the Iron Hearth Tavern. That is to your left up that way no more than a half mile. Keep an eye out. Listen for the laughter and the people who are very drunk. That's your best bet." LAURA: Thank you, sir. MATT: "No worries." LAURA: I like your armor by the way. MATT: "Well, thank you kindly." TRAVIS: Was that a wink? LAURA: It was. LIAM: That's all she does. LAURA: That's all I do is wink at people. LIAM: It's a nervous tic, really. MATT: It's a feat she took. You progress to the western side of the Kraghammer rotation as you curl around the central platform. Making your way eventually to the outside of this rather large, central tavern inn. As you walk in, you can hear music playing, you can hear laughter and boastful cheer, you can hear some arguments in the distance. You can hear it from a good two or three buildings away. This is definitely a central social environment here in Kraghammer. As you walk inside, you-- Let me get some proper tavern music here for you. SAM: Smells in here. TRAVIS: Drinking territory. MATT: You hear some loud boisterous (hearty dwarven laughter), some drinks being clinked together. As you walk in, the first thing that catches you is the scent of stale alcohol and smoked wood of some kind. TRAVIS: Yes! MATT: There are tables, most of them in decent condition, some of them half-broken and repaired, probably from some previous encounter in the bar. In the center of the room, there looks to be a not currently in use, specifically built brawling circle. It's about 30 feet by 20 feet. It's more of an oval. It's not in use, currently. SAM: An octagon? MATT: Essentially. LIAM: How high is the ceiling here? Can Grog fit in here? TRAVIS: Oh right, am I like--? MATT: The ceiling actually is considered vaulted ceiling for dwarves so it runs at about seven feet. For Grog, it's uncomfortable, almost scratching your head across the top. As you enter, about seven or eight of the nearby dwarves at the front door go, (hearty laughter). They look immediately at the ragtag non-dwarven group that just stumbled into the center of the tavern. TRAVIS: What're you looking at? MATT: "It's not very often we get someone with that kind of a mug on you. Let me buy you a drink, come sit down!" TRAVIS: My kind of people, see you later! I go grab the drink with the lovely dwarves. LAURA: We grab a table next to the dwarves with Grog. MATT: Both tables next to the table they're at are completely filled with dwarves. LIAM: I take a sack of gold out of my own pocket, slam it down on the table-- LAURA: A sack of gold, are you crazy?! LIAM: Gentlemens and ladies. Ladies and gentlemen, we are traveling from far away. We just arrived from Emon. We are fascinated to see your underground city and to celebrate the occasion I would like to buy every dwarf in here a round. Bartender! MATT: The music stops. The conversation stops. All dwarven eyes turn to the table and they all turn to a single dwarven woman in the back who's behind one of the bars, who has a towel over one arm. She's looking around, she's staring confused at you and all eyes are on her, and she goes, "Well, it's about time someone around here had some generosity! Certainly, pay upfront. Drinks all around on this half-elven gentleman." LIAM: Let it rain! (cheering) MARISHA: Make it rain. TRAVIS: I would like a cask of ale. LIAM: I'll need your largest bowl of ale for this one here. TRAVIS: Cask. Cask of ale. Cask. MATT: "No worries, Adra's got your back, be right back." She wanders off to the back room, comes back and starts pouring stein after stein after stein of ale. TRAVIS: Yeah. Keep going. Looks good. MATT: You do notice she is definitely the head of this tavern and all of her barkeeps are male and seem to be worked rather ragged. LAURA: What was her name? SAM: Excuse me, miss. You. MATT: "Adra. Yeah?" SAM: I'm sorry? MATT: "Adra." SAM: Adra! You run a fantastic establishment. MATT: "That's right I do!" SAM: Thank you for welcoming us and allowing us to buy this round. MATT: "Of course. Patrons that come and drop coin like that are welcome any time." SAM: Well, thank you for your hospitality. Might we inquire about staying here the night? Do you have an inn with the establishment? MATT: She reaches below and pulls out a big tome and starts thumbing through it. "You know, actually we have openings right now on the second floor." SAM: Several rooms, or just one? MATT: "Do you need them side by side?" SAM: That would be nice. MATT: "We could pull him there and push him into room seven." SAM: Something with a little bed for me. MATT: "Giles!" One of the dwarf barmaiders comes over. "Aye?" "Get Stepheson out of his room, move him to the third floor. We have to open a block for our new guests." "Ugh, fine." The older dwarf stumbles his way up the stairs begrudgingly. "Right, so I can get a room for each of you. We're looking at eight rooms separately, that will run you per evening about 25 gold pieces. Does that sound about right?" TRAVIS: Total? MATT: "25 total pieces." SAM: Oh, okay. LAURA: You want to share a room? MARISHA: Yeah! We'll bunk up. SAM: Grog, you and me. I can sleep on your feet. LAURA: Probably like 15 gold then for just that amount. MATT: She visibly deflates a little bit and is like, "All right, fair enough. Five rooms it is. 15 gold per room." SAM: We're penny pinchers. MATT: "How long do you expect to stay?" ORION: At least a few days. SAM: I'd say a week. TALIESIN: With an indefinite hold, we have business in the city. MATT: "Right! Well how bout we pay the week in advance and I'll give you a discount?" LAURA: What's the discount? MARISHA: Wait. I thought we were going to be heading south? MATT: "Let's say, 100 gold for the week, all five rooms." LIAM: We're pretty flush, I think we can handle it. LAURA: Yes. That works. TALIESIN: This doesn't terrify me. LAURA: I think I did the math wrong. TRAVIS: I was told there would be no math. SAM: Sounds good! LAURA: Gah! I hate not having a calculator! Fine! MATT: "Ah! Great!" She pulls back and pulls some keys out and hands them to the rest of you. Hands you some paperwork, shows you which rooms are yours and says, "You're welcome to stay all you like, ask questions, hang about. Just make sure you don't do anything stupid near the Carvers." ORION: Ooh! Like what? I do things like that all the time! LIAM: Sorry. Our Dwarvish is a little thick. Near the--? MATT: "The Carvers, the Carvers!" LAURA: The carvas. Of course. MATT: "The Carvers!" ORION: The Converse! Of course! SAM: The Car Verse? MATT: "Is this your first time in Kraghammer?" ALL: Yes! MATT: "The Carvers are the guard that run this city. They're the ones that keep the law." LAURA: The scar! MATT: "Yes, the armor, the Carvers!" TRAVIS: Yeah, what is with the scar? I've got one myself. MATT: She leans back and as you reveal the rather gnarled scar on your chest. She reels back a bit and two of the nearby dwarves go, "Yeah!" They chug down their drinks. TRAVIS: Yeah! More drinking! MATT: They start showing their scars and are like, "Oh no! I got this one from an iron bolt!" They start talking about different creatures they fought. "All right. Well, the Carvers are a bit of a-- how do I put it? A military class in this city. They run a very tight ship on the streets, so be careful." TALIESIN: That shouldn't be a problem. Mostly we are looking for Lord Greyspine, if I recall. We have business with him. LAURA: We might have business with you, if you've seen a halfling come through. MATT: She thinks to herself and goes, "There was a halfling woman, but she was staying at the Firebrook Inn." LAURA: The Firebrook. MATT: "The bottom floor, for a couple of weeks. There was talk about her. She got in a few fights herself. The one with the silver armor? That one? Yeah, she was a firebrand if ever I saw one. Right up my alley, I like that one." TALIESIN: How long ago would you say this was? MATT: "Oh, she went through a few weeks. I haven't seen her recently." TALIESIN: Thank you. Perfect. TRAVIS: Is there a champion of the circle of fighting in the tavern? Is there a reigning-- SAM: Already, Grog?! TRAVIS: Well, I have to know these things! TALIESIN: He has to do something. MATT: She turns the barrel that she has on the table towards you a little bit and you can see the actual symbol, this burned image on the side that says, "Balgus Brewery." She goes, "That'll be Balgus. The one that supplies us with what you're drinking. He's the undefeated champion. But I don't think he's quite right to fight at the moment." She points towards the very edge of the bar and you see one older grizzled dwarf, long gray hair pulled into straight braids in the back, big bushy beard that's all shoved up into his face because he's asleep, drunk as a skunk, on the edge of the bar. TRAVIS: My type of dwarf. Maybe we'll can use him as a merc later or something. All right, another time then. SAM: Another time. LIAM: Save it for a rainy day. TRAVIS: Does it rain down here? TALIESIN: I don't think they have rainy days. MATT: "You said Greyspine?" LAURA: Yes, Greyspine. TALIESIN: We are looking to set up a meeting. MATT: "Which Greyspine?" SAM: Nostoc? MATT: "Nostoc Greyspine. He's definitely a business type one." ORION: Well who's the friendlier Greypsine? MATT: "The friendlier of the types would probably be the head of House Greyspine." MARISHA: Wait, how many Greypsines are there? MATT: "Oh, well there's probably several at this point, I've lost track. The family line's been going for a while. However, of House Greyspine currently, Ironkeeper Gradim Greyspine is the head of this entire city. Voted in ten years ago, actually. He's head of the council." MARISHA: Ironkeeper what? MATT: "Ironkeeper Gradim Greypsine. Gradim! You're-- (sigh) These commoners. Learn to speak the language!" ORION: I understood! LIAM: Adra, may I ask, obviously we have no dwarves in our little party. MATT: "Unfortunately." LAURA: Unfortunately for us. LIAM: Sorry, about that. You're very welcoming. We appreciate that. How welcoming would you say the city is to outsiders? Would we stick out like a sore thumb? MATT: "Probably. As long as you don't do anything stupid. As long as you keep the coin flowing, and as long as you stay to the upper levels. The lower levels you get to more of the business: the miners, the forges, the foundries. When you get to the business areas, that's where the guard gets heavier and that's where folks don't like you poking near their money." SAM: So the lower levels would have the mithral mines? MATT: "The mithral mine, aye." SAM: There's one? MATT: "There is one now. It's all been, and has been for quite some time, completely helmed up and run by House Greypsine. The Keystone Quarry is what you're looking for." LIAM: We're not really interested in that. We just want to see the city. Our business is elsewhere. MATT: "Yeah, I would not recommend it. Not without proper business credentials on that. You'll end up being questioned very heavily." LIAM: Sounds like a dirty business, anyway. LAURA: Right. TRAVIS: Yeah, you want to stay away from those miners Scanlan, that's a dirty business. MATT: She gives you a look almost like it was a slightly racist statement, but then passes it off because you paid her a lot of coin today. MARISHA: So racist. LAURA: So No-stock. Nostoc? LIAM: Nostoc. LAURA: Nostoc Greyspine. MATT: "Yes." LAURA: You said that he's kind of a--? MATT: "Oh, there's a reason he's the one put in charge of the mines and the businesses and the foundries." LAURA: Oh. Where is he located, exactly? MATT: "Well, if he's not home at the actual Greyspine Manor-- which is a sprawling house. It contains all the ones who live there." TRAVIS: We're going there! MATT: "He's probably down at the actual--" What is it? Pardon. Bear with me. Consult my notes! "He's probably down by the Greyspine quarry itself, keeping an eye on the business there." There's a nearby dwarf having a few drinks, goes, "Ah, Greyspine, there's been troubles round there! Apparently, a friend of mine works there. Got a big, nasty scar last week. Wouldn't even pay him for his time off to heal. It's bullshit!" He slams his drink down on the table. SAM: Down at the quarry? MATT: "Aye." MARISHA: How did your friend get this nasty cut? MATT: "He works there! Said there was things pouring out of the caves. Goblins and the like!" LAURA, SAM: Goblins? MATT: "Ah, goblins are nothing." LAURA: Of course not. MATT: "Seems there's something other than goblins poking out through this hole. Just saying, that business is in for a serious problem if it doesn't change." LAURA: Does your friend ever have drinks here? "No. He's been sober for two years. We're not friends anymore." Tugs on his beard a little bit. MARISHA: Oh. I'm sorry. I think. SAM: A lot to process. MATT: He pours another drink. At which point, Adra slaps his hand and says, "Pay that. He bought one round!" He finishes his drink and walks away. ORION: Excuse me, one thing, Adra, are there any mystics in this particular town that study any arcane arts? MATT: "Of course! What, you think dwarves are just the baseline folks who brawl each other?" MARISHA: So many racist comments. Jeez! MATT: "What you're looking for is House Thunderbrand. They are the ones who, by blood, have the arcane arts in their family line." ORION: Interesting. MATT: "They run most of the enchantment process in the city, they also train-- they call it train, some of us call it more 'indoctrination.' But, they're definitely the focus of all arcane arts here in Kraghammer." ORION: Thank you. SAM: Thank you for your time, Adra. Carry on with your evening. We'll seek you out if we have any more questions. MATT: "Certainly. Now if you don't mind," She scoots you aside, and you see a line, a queue of dwarves behind her, with their empty cups, waiting to get to her to fill up the drinks that you bought. MARISHA: Oh, that's-- we did promise that. LIAM: Enjoy, gentlemen! And lady. LAURA: What time of day is it? MATT: Best that you can tell, inside-- you can't. You just arrived, probably around 3:00 or 4:00 in the afternoon, so you're probably pushing sunset right about now. LAURA: Do dwarves carry the same schedule? MARISHA: I don't know. LAURA: Does anyone know? TALIESIN: There's only one way to find out. MATT: Make an intelligence check! TRAVIS: Oh! Roll it! You're the first one. LIAM: First die rolling. Nice! LAURA: 18, plus, what is that? Investigation? Or insight? MATT: This would be a straight intelligence roll on this one, so your general knowledge of dwarves. LAURA: Oh. 20, then. MATT: 20. That's not too bad! In your experience, you know dwarves, depending on their lifestyle and what they do for a living, their clocks can run differently, but for the most part, they run in tandem with most other races just because it makes it easier for dealing with outside forces. But, like I said, it's very variable. There is no set, locked time of: this is morning, this is evening, they just sleep when they need to and wake up when they need to. LAURA: All right. Good to know. MARISHA: It's like living in Alaska. LAURA: Right! MATT, MARISHA: Dwarven Alaska. SAM: Yes, fellows, what should we do? LAURA: Check out the Firebrook Inn, yes. That was where Lady Kima was staying. Also, I think somebody should run reconnaissance on Greyspine Manor. TRAVIS: Like stealth, you mean? LIAM: Yes. I don't think we should try to go directly to the mines and find Nostoc. LAURA: No. SAM: Agreed. LIAM: No, I think maybe we should enlist the help of a dwarf here in the city to introduce us to Nostoc. I mean, we're not trying to raise hell, or bring down a thousand dwarves upon us. TALIESIN: There's no sense attempting to be subtle. SAM: Although, that does sound fun. TALIESIN: Everyone's going to know that we're here, and what we're looking for by morning. TRAVIS: Why don't we get old Drunky Greybeard that's got his face down on the bar to do it? LAURA: Yeah, but he's very-- Well, let's ask him. Maybe he's drunk enough to help us. Saddle up, Grog! TRAVIS: Me? LAURA: People seem to like you here. TRAVIS: Yeah, but I'm really-- oh, that's true. LIAM: You're the connoisseur. TRAVIS: Maybe I'll part my armor, so he can see the scar. Post up on the bar. MARISHA: Take him a drink! TRAVIS: All right. LAURA: Yes, take him a drink. A very large drink. TRAVIS: I would like to get the largest goblet you have of ale, and I would like to go over to, what was his name? Bulbous? MATT: Balgus. ALL: Balgus. TRAVIS: I had it right. MATT: Close. TRAVIS: Balgus. I would like to-- SAM: I'm coming with Grog. TRAVIS: Yes. I would like to go up and put my scar, and post up on the bar and (throat clearing) MATT: (snores) TRAVIS: (louder throat clearing) SAM: I take out my flute and I play a little Healing Words spell and try to heal him of his drunkenness. LAURA: Just a little of his drunkenness, not all of his drunkenness. TRAVIS: He likes him drunk, so maybe like, half. MATT: You play your tune, a beautiful little tune that saunters through the air.The magical energies emanate from the notes you make, drift into his torso; you can see a slight glow and he, "(grumbling) Where's that blasted music coming from?" His hand goes out and paws towards the flute. SAM: Huh, I don't know where that was coming from. TRAVIS: I'm sorry to disturb you, your name is of great repute around these parts. MATT: He wipes a globule of drool that's crusted into his beard. "Aye, you've bothered me nap. What do you want from Balgus?" TRAVIS: We were wondering if we might, perchance, acquire your knowledge about town, for a bit of a search. LAURA: (whispered) Talk to him about fighting first. TRAVIS: Right, I hear you're a good fighter. You look strong. MATT: "I've heard the same." TRAVIS: Right. How often do you get challengers in this tavern? MATT: "Not as often as I get woken up from my sleep. Which is never. Because only stupid people do that." LAURA: Lost cause. Abandon ship! TRAVIS: Right. I have an intelligence of six, I know what I'm doing. LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: There is a very pretty lady over there, with slightly pointy ears. (whispering) I'm talking about you or you. (normal volume) There's two of them! They were actually wanting to ask you a question if you wouldn't mind. MATT: Make a persuasion roll. TRAVIS: Me?! SAM: Why is he doing this? LAURA: Why would you throw this to us? MARISHA: I know! TRAVIS: Because I was either going to fight him or I was going to throw boobs at him, and I went with boobs. MARISHA: He realized he was sinking. MATT: That's level ten you get that, by the way. Throw Boobs. LAURA: Persuasion. Oh! Good roll. TRAVIS: Look at that: one. 19! LAURA: Woo! MATT: 19? He takes a moment, and grabs the drink that you prepared from his hand and goes (gulps). TRAVIS: Nice form. MATT: "You've got five minutes." Then he stretches his back a bit. This gnarled hunch that he holds in his physical posture, flexes it a bit, and now you can see the rippling muscles that show beneath his tunic. This is a built dwarf. You don't know what past he's had, moving boulders or forging crazy iron shit, but there's a reason this guy has a reputation. He stands up off of his stool, which you can now hear crack with the weight of a dwarf, which are made for normal dwarves. This guy is solid muscle. He saunters over, looks about for a second, almost like he's looking for his next target. Sees the pointy ears, sees the pointy ears, and goes (sighs) and saunters up to the table, slams his hand down. MARISHA: Why is he coming towards us? TRAVIS: Because I told him to. Because you're supposed to ask him-- SAM: Boobs! LIAM: Steady as she goes, ladies. MATT: He sits down. MARISHA: (whispered to Laura) You're better at this than I am. MATT: "You called for Balgus, why?" LAURA: Oh! Hello, Balgus. MARISHA: Hi, Balgus. LAURA: We just heard you're so impressive and masculine. MARISHA: Yes! LAURA: We really wanted to talk to you. ORION: I use my Earring of Whisper to Vex. Cool it down. LAURA: Oh sh-- okay. ORION: Calm down. Not so sexy. MARISHA: I reach out and I stroke his bicep because I can't hear that. MATT: Make a persuasion check. ORION: Keyleth, stop doing that. LIAM: I disagree, heat it up. LAURA: Roll so good. MARISHA: I'm really low in charisma. I'm really awkward. Persuasion. MATT: Roll your persuasion. TALIESIN: (groans) LAURA: Oh no, what was it? MARISHA: I rolled a two? MATT: Plus? MARISHA: Plus my persuasion of zero, because I have a shitty charisma. MATT: As your arm reaches for his bicep-- MARISHA: I didn't say anything. I just touched him! MATT: As your arm reaches for his bicep, his hand, belying his grumpy, half-asleep haze-- with unnatural speed reaches out and slaps your hand to the side. Not painfully, but just, "No touching the drunk dwarf." LAURA: Sorry about my friend, Balgus. She's just so impressed with your muscles. We've heard amazing things about you here. MATT: "Have you?" LAURA: We have. MATT "Tell me, what have you heard?" We've heard that no fighter can match your skill. MATT: "You've heard correct." LAURA: We've heard that you know more about this town than anyone else. MATT: "I've been around a bit, yeah." LAURA: Yeah. I bet nobody knows more about the Greyspines than you do and they've been around a long time. MATT: "Political ass minds is what they are." SAM: Assmanes? MATT: "Not keen to them-- ass minds." MARISHA: Ass mines? MATT: "They've got minds of an ass." MARISHA: Oh, I thought you meant like, mines that ex-- Sorry. Go ahead. No, ass minds. Yes, they have ass minds. MATT: "The Greyspines are no friend of mine. " LAURA: No, I've heard they're terrible. What do you do, Balgus? MATT: "What do I do? I own the brewery in town!" LAURA: (gasp) You do? MATT: "The only one." LAURA: The best brewery? MATT: "The only! Of course it's the best!" I've put everyone out of business. We export to most of Tal'Dorei." LAURA: This ale is amazing, that I'm drinking right now. MATT: "Damn right it is!" You set it down and he takes it from your hand a little bit and takes a sip himself and sets it down again. (inhales deeply) (spits) MARISHA: It seems that you aren't challenged often in business and in fighting. ORION: I saunter over. Hello! My name is Tiberius Stormwind! TRAVIS: We're all going to die. MATT: He glances over and says, "Dragonborn. I haven't fought one of your kind in a long time." ORION: Oh! Who's the last dragonborn you fought? Do you remember his name? MATT: "I recall his name was 'Broken and Bloody.'" SAM: I think that's a friend of yours. ORION: No, I know him! I know the Bloody family, they're terrible people. Anyway, my associates and I were wondering if you might come-- Is that what we're doing? Trying to get him to come with us? LAURA: Anyway! SAM: We're trying to find out more about Greyspine. Where he might be or who his associates might be. MARISHA: Gee, I'm so glad you came over. ORION: Would you like to accompany us on this journey that we're taking? We're trying to find the Greyspines and you seem like you would want to come in on this. TALIESIN: We think there might be something rotten in the mines. MATT: Make a persuasion roll. You can assist if you like. TALIESIN: I'm assisting in this persuasion roll, good god. MATT: That just means he has advantage. ORION: Oh, I get advantage? TALIESIN: 21. MATT: Yeah, so you get advantage on this roll. SAM: So you roll twice. MARISHA: What was the first thing you rolled? ORION: Three. I'll take the 18. MARISHA: Definitely take that 18. ORION: Oh and plus my-- MARISHA: Persuasion. MATT: He looks at you keenly, which-- ORION: Which is a nine. LAURA: Whoa, you have a nine persuasion?! ORION: That's why I talk. MARISHA: He's pretty charismatic. MATT: He goes, "Well no, I don't really want to go anywhere with you. But if you're looking to go ahead and talk to the Greyspines, you don't want to go empty-handed. It's customary to come with a gift of some kind." LAURA: Oh really? SAM: What might they like? MATT: "Well, let's just say, I have the finest brewery in the city." LAURA: Oh! MATT: "I have some fine, very rare, very exotic drinks that I could, perchance, sell to you." LIAM: Pay the dwarf. LAURA: How much for this exotic ale? MATT: "How exotic you wanting?" LAURA: We want to get in the door. We want him to like us. MATT: "I can give you the finest of thistle branch, dark blood wine. This was crafted by myself, from a rare bloodthistle branch that I had brought over from the far-off city of Kamordah. This, I personally oversaw. It took me four years to fill this barrel full. It'll cost you 500 gold pieces. But it is a king's red wine!" MARISHA: Can I do a persuasion check-- a perception check to see if he's lying? MATT: This would be insight. Go ahead and roll insight. TALIESIN: I'm going to go walk over to Grog really quickly. MARISHA: 27. MATT: He seems too drunk to lie. SAM: Let's just do it. LAURA: Tell you what, Balgus. We have some very rare items with us that I think you might be interested in. MATT: "Make it quick! You've got one minute." LAURA: We've got one minute? Well, we've got-- MATT: "My time is far worth the 500 gold you've already been talking about." LAURA: We've got this with us right now. TRAVIS: We've got a bunch of dragon pieces. ORION: Do you like dragon pieces? TRAVIS: We've got 37 dragon teeth, one dragon eye, four cups of dragon blood-- LAURA: We've got this cup of dragon blood! Which I know can be added to ale or wine and makes it quite sensational. MATT: He takes the sealed cup and sloshes it around in his hand. The actual liquid is coagulated to such a point that it's less of a blood and more of a gelatin. (sloshing sounds) TRAVIS: It gets better with age. LAURA: Exactly, a spoon of it! MATT: He peeks it open and (sniffs). "Yes!" LAURA: I think that's really expensive, actually. MATT: "I can have this appraised, but if you want to do a straight trade for the barrel for this, I'll take you up on that." LAURA: Shit, no. SAM: Just go for it. LAURA: All right, fine! One cup of it. MATT: "All right." He takes the cup, puts it in a small satchel on his side. "Adra!" "Aye, what do you want, you drunken bastard?" "They've bought me thistle blood wine. Take it out back. Here's the key." He tosses her the key. She grabs it and goes, "Really? Ooh, just walked in, they're buying fancy." She comes back with two of her barmaiders who are begrudgingly carrying it with her. It's a nice barrel. It has a gold trim. The actual bands that hold the wood together is gold. The branding on the side is gold leafed into the wood. It's fine, exquisite, we're talking top shelf BevMo-style, awesome dwarven wine. MARISHA: Top shelf at BevMo! MATT: He pats it and he goes, "All yours. If this doesn't get you in the door, I'll eat my shoe." TRAVIS: Have you ever done that? MATT: "Maybe, I forget a lot of nights." SAM: Where might that door be? MATT: "Minute's up, you'll have to ask around, but it was great doing business with you." He walks away from the table. TRAVIS: I put it in the bag of holding. MATT: It does not fit in the bag of holding. LAURA, TRAVIS: What?! MATT: The barrel is too big, you barely got Dork the ox in there. Which, for the record, they did fit a small ox in the bag of holding and then realized later on that there was no airflow. TRAVIS: He came out! TALIESIN: I feel like we weren't going to discuss that. I felt that that was in the past. MATT: I felt that was a necessary story. SAM: Maybe if we drank some of it it would fit. LAURA: The troll dick. Is that still in there or no? TRAVIS: No, we actually got rid of the troll dick. LAURA: Oh, okay. TALIESIN: Did we trade the troll dick for something? MARISHA: I thought we like used it as a weapon. TRAVIS: I offered it up, but by that time it had turned into a slimy-- LAURA: Ew. MARISHA: I thought we threw it at somebody. LAURA: Can I stop Adra then and ask her where Greyspine Manor is? Keep, manor, whatever. MATT: "Ah, well I can have him do it." She pokes one of the barmaiders who turns around. This one's younger, he looks like he's frazzled and maybe new here or at least trying to make his way. He goes, "Okay, I can show you around, just follow me outside, come follow me." He walks out. He's got a little apron on. He leads you guys outside. He brings you to the edge of the outer walkway of the central ring you're on. He points across the way and what you can see is a series of marble pillars that outline a residential district that opens and consumes the other side of the central ring of Kraghammer. He says, "If you go past far in that way, you'll look for the house of Greyspine. It's the one that has dark black marble with gold tinting inside the spiralling vein of the marble, it's gold. The gate outside is wrought iron, black iron, that's topped with a series of pikes and--" Pike awkwardly looks sickened, not understanding. "The real key point is, if you look on the front yard, you'll see a dwarven statue of the current ironkeeper himself. That's where you'll want to go." SAM: Yes, very helpful, young man. LAURA: Thank you so much. MATT: "Of course. If you get the chance, you could fill out a little form saying how helpful I've been--" SAM: Are there suggestion cards here? MARISHA: Oh, absolutely. MATT: "Here." He pulls out a small parchment and hands it to you. It's handwritten with a couple of checkboxes. ORION: You should give us all a copy so you will have multiple. MATT: "I only have one." ORION: Oh, okay, that's fine. MATT: "Sorry!" SAM: Confidence needs improvement. LAURA: Oh, it's okay, we have a wonderful writer. TALIESIN: I'll rustle up a few. That's fine, why not. It's what I do, apparently. MATT: He runs back into the tavern. SAM: All right, shall we go to the manor? LAURA: Do we want to do the manor right now? What time is it? SAM: 5:00 or 6:00. TRAVIS: We got to sleep. LAURA: We might not want to bug him when he's, you know, having dinner. TRAVIS: Let's be honest, that gate's going to jack us up. It's going to be full of trouble. SAM: All right, yes, let's go sleep. TRAVIS: Let's sleep. LAURA: Well, it's only 6:00. SAM: Well, then we have time to do other things. ORION: How long is a short rest? MATT: Short rest is around ten minutes or so. ORION: I want to take short rest. MATT: You've technically been short resting in the tavern. It's more of like a post battle-- like, take a breather, bandage your wounds, settle yourself after a harrowing experience. That's what a short rest is. ORION: What was the arcane magic, the manor? MATT: Oh, what you're looking for is the House Thunderbrand. ORION: I want to head in that direction. MATT: Okay, so you're dividing from the party? Okay. ORION: Oh, I'm going to House Thunderbrand, if anybody wants to come with me. LAURA: What are you doing? I can't understand you with that popcorn in your mouth. ORION: Sorry! I'm going to House Thunderbrand before turning in this evening. I've had a nice little short rest and I would like to ask them a few questions. LAURA: All right. TRAVIS: Yeah, go ahead, okay. SAM: Is there any recon that's going to happen tonight? LAURA: I think that you and I are going to go to Greyspine? LIAM: We'll check out the house. SAM: Do you need any help? LIAM: Sure, you can come with us. SAM: No, I don't want you to say yes. LAURA: Then no, we'll stealth our way. LIAM: Just a moment. Pike, you seem very distant. It's very strange, are you all right? LAURA: Pike's not listening, she's looking at the chat room. SAM: She's feeling ill. Does she need to lie down? MATT: Pike is feeling, and for those of you who are curious in the chat room, once again, elements of this are house ruled, so don't complain. LAURA: Oh, players. MATT: We keep short rest to ten minutes because it makes it move faster. Pike is going along, she seems to be a little distracted, she can't quite understand. She says, "I don't know, I feel like I've been here before. It's hard to explain." TRAVIS: What? MATT: "Anyway, I'm probably going to go rest for the evening." She heads back to the tavern. TRAVIS: The fuck does that mean? SAM: We'll find out next week. TRAVIS: But first, whores in the bedroom! LAURA: Lovely. SAM: Grog and I go in search of a, shall we say politely, whorehouse. MATT: The polite term. LIAM: Well, the cleric's away, the bard shall play. TRAVIS: We need a massage. On my crotch. LAURA: You and I stealth. MATT: You guys make your way to the Greyspine Manor, you guys head for that, you head to Thunderbrand. SAM: Is Grog going to find someone his size? MARISHA: Percy and I spend some time making some really nice comment cards for-- TALIESIN: We're going to make some beautiful comment cards. MARISHA: For what's his name? MATT: His name is Balan. ALL: Balan. MARISHA: We're going to make some wonderful comment cards for Balan. LIAM: Oh, Percy is wonderful with calligraphy; you've shown me. TALIESIN: Yes, thank you. MATT: Okay, so you'll get to that. You guys do manage to find what's called The Stone's Pillow. TRAVIS: The Stone's Pillow? MATT: The Stone's Pillow. TRAVIS: I love it. MATT: It's an establishment of comfort and ease, and will run you both for the evening, as you are not Kraghammer locals, 30 gold for the night each. TRAVIS: A bargain. SAM: We'll take it. LAURA: 30 gold?! SAM: What sort of ladies will we find there? LAURA: Bearded ladies. SAM: What species? MATT: The madam of the house introduces you to a spectrum of ladies, mostly dwarven, and very attractive, you know. This is a nice establishment. There is one gnome. One female gnome. There are a number of male dwarves as well, that are standing at the ready. There is one elf, looks a little shy and embarrassed that a goliath walked in. SAM: And that's our choice. MATT: Those are your choices. TRAVIS: I'll take the tallest one. SAM: I'll take a dwarf. MATT: Okay. You choose your lady, you take the tallest one which would probably be the elf. As you walk in, the shy elf turns around entirely. She is aggressive and throws you around. You got your money's worth. You get manhandled in a way that you haven't-- You're going to be sore in the morning. TRAVIS: Thank you! MATT: Welcome to Kraghammer, gentlemen. TRAVIS: I like it already. MATT: All right, you guys. LAURA: Yes. MATT: Are you just walking up to the manor? LAURA: No, we're going to try to check out what it looks like. See what the guards are like. LIAM: Yeah, we'll pretend to take a stroll. LAURA: Yes. LIAM: Pose as a married couple. LAURA: Ew, no. LIAM: Just for the purposes of sneaking around the house. LAURA: (retching) LIAM: I want to see what the area's like. LAURA: How about we pose as brother and sister, creepy? (laughter) LIAM: You come on to every human, orc, and half-elf in the entire kingdom, but pretending to be my wife for 30 minutes is too much. LAURA: Yes. It's disgusting, so no. LIAM: You're probably right. MATT: She's got standards. LIAM: Okay. So we'll take a stroll. Shop, see what the area's like. MATT: You enter the residential district. It is dark and you see the red stone that permeates the area for a low gentle glow of the entire city is now clustered into these street lamps that are throughout the entire location. You begin to press into the residential district proper. There's some nice homes that are carved into the side of the rock, there's some stand-alone homes that are built out of fine stone. You eventually make your way towards the nicer part of it, where you start seeing some of the more marble buildings, some of the more exotic stonework being used in the construction of the homes. You also notice three of the guards that are part of the city establishment there are following you from behind, curiously. The Carvers. LAURA: Oh shit, the Carvers. Shit. MATT: No weapons drawn, but definitely hands at the ready. LAURA, LIAM: Okay. LIAM: Well, we could just keep walking. LAURA: We could, but that could be bad. LIAM: Yes. No, we just want to look at the house. SAM: Louder! LIAM: I mean we're not going to go sneaking in in the day. LAURA: Let's say which ones are very obvious about being pretty, so we look like we're just sightseeing. LIAM: Yes. MATT: (chuckles darkly) As you continue to walk, eventually some of the dwarves approach. LAURA: I point and say: Oh! Look at that one, with the carving, it's amazing! LIAM: The architecture is divine. LAURA: Divine! SAM: (snorts) They're posing as the Howells? LIAM: Lovey, would you look at this dwarven home? MATT: (snobby voice) The marble texture on this is gorgeous. You get about 20 more feet before you get, "Hail! Hail!" LAURA: Oh my! Yes? (giggles) MATT: "You foreigners are wandering too far in districts you don't belong to. What's your business?" LAURA: Oh I'm so sorry, I was just so amazed by the architecture here. I wanted to see the beautiful sculpture. LIAM: We definitely are visitors here, sir, no one has explained the rules to your city. We were just taking in the fantastic architecture and history of Kraghammer. LAURA: We were told there was a beautiful sculpture down the street of the ruler of Kraghammer? MATT: Make a persuasion roll. SAM: Oh jesus. TRAVIS: Oh god. MATT: Either of you, whichever you prefer. SAM: If only I was there. LAURA: 21. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: Wow! Pretty decent, good for you. MATT: The guards look at each other. The one that was talking to you, you can see now, as he comes a little closer into the light, a frazzled black beard that's pulled into a very tight braid that goes down to his bellybutton. All wearing the same basic chest plate; long, black velvet cloak behind; each carrying some sort of heavy warhammer around the side of their belt. Steps up and says, "Well, just to tell you the rules here, if you're going to wander at night in a very expensive district, you don't want to do it by yourself because you either have chances of being mugged or arrested. We might have arrested you." LAURA: Oh no! I'm so sorry! Well, do we need protection? MATT: One of them looks over and sees the bear that is off in the shadows nearby. LAURA: I thought Trinket stayed behind. Cool, cool! MATT: Trinket's quietly trying to keep up with his wonderful master. LIAM: Come along Trinket, there there's nothing to be scared of. MATT: "What's a bear doing in Kraghammer?!" They all grab out their warhammers. LAURA: Oh no, please, he's quite harmless. In fact, he's very scared of most people. LIAM: He's completely trained. He does tricks. Doesn't he do tricks? LAURA: He does. Trinket show them your wonderful shake trick. MATT: At which point Trinket, (subdued growling) just shakes his whole body. He looks at you, confused. LAURA: That's good. MATT: Then raises a paw up, and-- (bear noises) LAURA: If you put your hand out, he'll shake your hand. MATT: (growling) LAURA: Yeah, see! MATT: The dwarves take a step back as the claw goes through the, "That's all right. I would say if that's your animal--" LAURA: Yes? MATT: "--don't bring it here." LAURA: Oh, good to know. Trinket, head back to that tavern, would you? People are getting nervous. MATT: (growling) LAURA: I love you. MATT: Trinket begins to walk back. A couple of other dwarves that are wandering carrying some packages to the side make a very wide berth around this armored bear that's slowly moping its way through the streets of Kraghammer. What could possibly go wrong? LAURA: He's so cute. LIAM: He's a sweetheart, he's fine. MATT: (growls) You hear in the distance. The one goes like, "Look, I'll show you to the statue and that's it, then you got to go." LAURA: All right. Thank you. MATT: "I don't see many half-elves here and honestly I'm excited to meet you, so let's do this quickly. Come with me." He leads you further into the cityscape. Down the road, you end up going through a few buildings. You find one large wrought iron fence with a series of carved spikes towards the top, and you see the beautiful dark marble building with the gold trim. LAURA: Oh, this one's amazing. MATT: "This is what you were talking about, Greyspine Manor. Lot of rich sons of bitches." LAURA: Wow, so you said the Greyspines own this one? MATT: "Aye." LIAM: It's stunning. We only heard about the building itself; what can you tell us about the people who live here? MATT: "Bunch of rich sons of bitches." LAURA: Well, we can tell that can't we? MATT: "Actually, Ironkeeper's all right, he's been doing a great job. The rest of the family can suck off." LAURA: Oh, really? LIAM: Not liked by the rest of the city, then? MATT: "Oh, they have friends everywhere, but I personally don't like them. They run business pretty dark. They work most of their employees to the ground. To the bone." LAURA: Oh no! MATT: "I don't think that's how you run a business. Well, that's how you run a business for profit, but not for--" LAURA: Wow. It sounds like they would run the mithral mine which we've heard is so hard on its employees. MATT: "Aye, that's the one." LAURA: Oh, really? MATT: "Yeah. I don't know, I don't go that far south, doesn't interest me. LIAM: Nor us. MATT: "Smells like brimstone." LAURA: I don't blame you. LIAM: We prefer the company of good hard working people, like yourself. We're very impressed with the work the Carvers do in this city, from what little we've seen so far, so hats off to you. MATT: "I appreciate that. You know it's not easy. You're born into it. We spend most of our time training, which can get very boring." You see that two of the dwarves that are now about two steps behind go, "(clears throat) All right, Thompson! We got to get back to our post!" "Oh, sorry. Look, we've dillied about too much. Just follow us back, go about your business, don't wander here at night, and good luck." LAURA: Thank you so much. LIAM: Thank you. We follow for a couple of blocks, behind them for a bit. LAURA: Make sure that they're paying attention to us. MATT: Mm-hmm. LIAM: Yes. MATT: All right. They bring you back towards the entrance of the residential district. LAURA: Then we stealth and-- LIAM: -- split off, yes, we can split off. MATT: All right, roll stealth, both of you guys. SAM: Am I currently being beaten by a whore dwarf or anything? MATT: Make a constitution check! SAM: Constitution check? TRAVIS: Hang strong, buddy! ORION: That's a mouthful. 'Whore dwarf.' SAM: 18! MATT: Plus your constitution modifier. Actually, athletics! Go athletics! SAM: Plus two! 20. MATT: All right, that's a fine constitution check. You have impressed your female dwarf. LIAM: Are you making a sex check? SAM: Yes! I'm sex checking. TALIESIN: Whore dwarf! MATT: That happened. That's the first time. SAM: (grunting) LAURA: This is so uncomfortable. MATT: So that happened. What'd you guys roll for stealth? LIAM: 20. LAURA: He rolled a 20, I rolled a 15. TRAVIS: That's okay! MATT: As you guys begin to wander off-- LAURA: No! They're professional Carvers. MATT: -- Vax, you vanish. Vex, you take a couple steps. You hear, "Hey, hey, hey! I told you, it's dangerous down there in the dark! Don't do that!" LAURA: Of course! MATT: "Where's your friend?" LAURA: Oh, he already went back to the tavern that we're staying at. I was wondering if maybe you could show me around the rest of the town? MATT: He looks to the other guards and they're obviously fed up with his flirting, and they're not too keen on you guys. "Well, you guys hold up post, I'll give her a quick walk around." LAURA: Thank you so much. MATT: "All right, but I'm going to tell the boss!" "Fine! I don't get this chance very often!" LIAM: I wave off from the alley that I snuck in to. LAURA: Yeah, go do your shit. LIAM: You do your shit, that you do! Then I head back through the shadows. LAURA: Whoosh! Damn it! MATT: You ask around, and it takes a while, especially since as a dragonborn some folks are like, "Oh, I'm not talking to you!" Some others are like, "Oh, yeah, right over that way!" It's a completely wrong direction, so it takes you a good two hours to eventually find your way to House Thunderbrand. When you get there, it's a beautiful alabaster building: large, white dome, with small spires built in to one of the more elevated ceilings of Kraghammer proper. On the outside, there is no gate, just an open lawn. You see grass, you see normally outside flora and fauna currently adorning the scape around this structure. ORION: Whoa. Well, this is a lovely sight! I'm going to saunter on up to the door! MATT: Nice! Go ahead and make a perception check. ORION: Where is my perception--? Oh. Five. MATT: Five? You saunter right up to the edge of the grass line, and get one step on what suddenly becomes visible to you: a rather subtly carved dwarven rune in the ground. In fact, there's a bunch of them, outlining the entirety of the grass. As your foot hits the rune, you're like, "Oh, that's a dwarven rune!" (stomping) SAM: That's a good voice! MATT: (as Tiberius) I've been practicing my Tiberius. ORION: It's close. MATT: Go ahead and roll a dexterity saving throw. TRAVIS: Uh-oh. Saving throw? LAURA: You got it, Tiberius! ORION: What is this? MARISHA: Dexterity. ORION: Oh! That's a 15. MATT: 15? ORION: Mm-hmm. MATT: You manage to pull back to lessen the impact, but a bolt of bluish energy bursts out from the rune in front of you, throwing you about three or four feet behind the rune. You catch yourself. You do suffer eight points of thunder damage. ORION: Okay. MARISHA: Damn gated communities. SAM: This is why we go to brothels instead of sneaking around at night! TRAVIS: Yep! No lightning attacks! MATT: It's a whole different kind of damage you can suffer! ORION: Okay. Well, I dust myself off. Apparently, there's some security. Hello?! Anything happen? MATT: You wait about two or three minutes, no response. ORION: Two to three minutes? That's a long time. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: I have a feeling they're not going to respond to the crazy guy. ORION: Very well. TRAVIS: What're you two doing? TALIESIN, MARISHA: We're making comment cards! Yes! TALIESIN: You're all going to have comment cards that you are expected to fill out when you return back to the bar! SAM: Hugely important! MARISHA: Yes, because-- what was it? Baldus, Beldus? SAM: Balgus? MARISHA: Balan! Balan was so nice! MATT: There we go. Balgus and Balan. ORION: What do I see around the place? Do I see any large rocks, or any large pillars that I can--? MATT: Best from what you can tell at this distance, because it's fairly dark down here: the building itself has four corner spires around the large central dome structure. Each one of these spires is a very thin, tall, alabaster spire that at the very top is crested with some sort of bluish crystal that comes to a point. They're probably a good 35, 40 feet tall. About as tall as the rest of the structure is. You can't really tell how far back the structure goes because it meets with the back of the cave wall. ORION: I'm going to-- okay. I'm going to shoot a Fireball. Right in front of me, roll it like a bowling ball. Just right to the door. MATT: Okay. SAM: There's a baby right there. MATT: You are four feet from the door. ORION: Oh! I'm four feet from the door? I don't do that. MATT: You can step back and do it. ORION: I'm only four feet from the door? Oh. MATT: It pushed you back four feet from the rune you stepped on. You're not at the door. LAURA: Can I use that magical earring that we have? LIAM: You don't know what's going on there! SAM: Episode one. Tiberius kills himself. MARISHA: Don't die! I should have come with you! Then I could-- TRAVIS: Bowl that Fireball, dude! MATT: Tiberius Stormwind is a dragonborn sorcerer. Everyone is level nine currently in the game. ORION: I use Mage Hand. I knock on the door. MATT: From that far away? Okay, the arcane energy swirls up and forms this loosely hand-like appendage that drifts forward. As soon as it crosses over the rune where you stepped on, there is a spark of energy and the hand is dispelled. ORION: Damn these runes. Okay, fine. I will do Glacial Blast right up to the door. MATT: Okay. ORION: But not to the door. MARISHA: What? SAM: You're alone. MATT: Okay. You cast the Glacial Blast forward. The ice begins to congeal across the bottom of the floor. As it reaches the front of the rune, there is another spark of energy and the ice forms up against an invisible barrier that's there and then the ice that's up against the barrier melts extremely quickly, drifting into a puddle of water. ORION: Shit. I turn back and head to the group. MATT: Okay. As you turn around there are four Carvers that are hurrying towards you now, with their hammers out going, "You!" ORION: What?! MATT: They all surround you on all sides, you have a dwarf on each corner. "You have attacked one of the great dwarven families of Kraghammer! Name yourself and your business before you are under arrest." ORION: Don't speak to me in that manner, I am Tiberius Stormwind! SAM: I am snoring after having sex. MATT: Make intimidation check. ORION: 18. MATT: All four Carvers take a step back, look at each other. "Look, we're just doing our job. What's your business?" ORION: I understand that, and I am sorry for losing my temper. I was just looking to ask questions of particular artifacts I have been looking for and this house is the only known arcane house I know that I was pointed to. I tried to reach them and communicate, but I was stopped by the stupid rune I can't figure out! I was turning back to get my tavern to get some rest and come back and try to contact the family the next day! Then I was stopped by you! MATT: Make a persuasion check. ORION: 24. LIAM: I've just arrived to New York City, I'm going to smash the doors open. MATT: The dwarf guards look at each other and one of them steps forward and this guy you can see now he has more carvings in his armor, he looks to have a little more rank than the other ones. He steps forward, ruddy brown beard, his eyes itself are pitch black. There is almost no color to the irises. He goes, "Look. I'm letting you off this once, but if you so much as spit in the direction of any other dwarf in the city, we're going to bury you so far underneath the dungeon you won't see the light of day 'til the day you rot, you hear me, dragonborn?" ORION: I mean yes, my hearing is perfectly fine. MATT: "Get on with you." He puts his hammer back at his side. They all separate, stare you down as you walk past. ORION: Good day. Back to the tavern. MATT: Okay. You! LIAM: Yes? MATT: You make your way through the alleyways, eventually back towards the building proper. What would you like to do? LIAM: Just going to watch, that's all. Do I see any security details? See who's guarding the place. MATT: There are Carvers doing rounds around the city. On the streets wandering through in pairs, keeping watch. You don't see any particular guard outside, but you do see individuals moving past windows. There's a little bit of light from the inside of the buildings. LIAM: No Carvers or any sort of guard detail outside the house? Anything like that? MATT: Not between the gates. The yard area and to the front door. LIAM: Okay. Heavily heavily guarded by the looks of what's inside and what's outside the gate? MATT: What's outside the gate? You're hard pressed to find a moment where the street isn't visible to some Carver. This area is pretty well guarded. You figure largely because the person who is currently the Ironkeeper of the entire city of Kraghammer lives within that building as well as one of the more powerful dwarven families, so it's pretty well watched. LIAM: Okay, I'm going to head back to the inn, then. I'm not going to poke the bear. MATT: You all eventually gather back at the tavern. SAM: (exhausted sigh) How was your night? TRAVIS: That was wonderful, I don't know about you! SAM: (singsong) I have hickies. (laughter) LIAM: Hickies? Is that a Gnomish STD? SAM: Yes. LAURA: Crazy! I have some hickies too, actually. What? SAM: What? TALIESIN: We have comment cards, so this will all work out well. MARISHA: Yes! here! Here you go, here you go-- SAM: Success all around! Did you learn anything, Vex and Vax? LIAM: I definitely think we should take the diplomacy route. The place is heavily guarded. There seem to be lots of Carvers. MATT: There's a knock at the room that you guys are currently talking in. LAURA: Yes? MATT: Unless, are you in the tavern proper or have you gone back to-- ? LAURA: No, we're in a room. SAM: I'll get it! (clears throat) Hello? MATT: Adra's standing there looking a little nervous and she goes, "Hi, sorry to bother you. Is that bear one of yours?" SAM: Oh! LAURA: Yes! Trinket! Isn't he adorable? MATT: "You might want to go," You hear in the tavern: (aggravated growls) LAURA: I'll be right back. I head downstairs. MATT: You head downstairs and you can see all the dwarves are now gathered around the fighting ring in the center of the tavern. LAURA: Oh no! MATT: Trinket's now inside the ring with a couple other dwarves around, prodding and pushing it into the ring. LAURA: No, no! No! No. MATT: There's raucous cheering. They're not even listening to you at this point. LAURA: Grog! LIAM: I followed my sister downstairs. TRAVIS: I come down too. It's party time! MARISHA: I run down to with Grog. MATT: Okay, as you guys head down, you can see now Balgus is now up and rubbing his chin. "Oh, never fought a bear before! (laughs)" LAURA: No, Balgus! Fuck! Trinket, come here! Are we allowed to cuss? Trinket, come here! MATT: You are very much allowed to cuss. LAURA: Okay. MATT: Isn't that right, guys? Fuck yeah! LAURA: No, no, and I run into the ring with him. MATT: Okay, as you run into the ring a couple of the dwarves pat you on the back, you get a shove into the ring. It's now Trinket and you-- LAURA: Oh! I'll take on this bear! (laughter) SAM: What?! TALIESIN: Well, all right! MATT: Make a general charisma check. TRAVIS: Do it! Fuck that bear up! LIAM: I'm pushing my way through the crowd. LAURA: Oh no! MATT: What did you roll? LIAM: A one. MARISHA: Oh no! MATT: Yes! LIAM: First one of the series, everybody! First one! MATT: As you rush and you guys are coming to the front, Balgus sees this and now you can see both eyes are open which means he's sobered up a bit, and he goes, "Oh no! This bear's mine. You want to fight two of us? Oh, it'll wake you right up!" LAURA: Let's do it! MATT: "Nothing as invigorating as as a brawl!" SAM: Are you going to fucking fight him? MARISHA: I cast a fog. Over the ring. MATT: Okay. As everyone is cheering up and getting ready, this very thick fog begins to fill the center of the bar area. You can now see a bunch of people are, "Wait, what the?!" Some are coughing. Some are like, "What the hell's going on? Fucking hell. Why is there--" MARISHA: Okay, I run up in the fog, and I tap Trinket and I whisper in Trinket's ear and I say: Trinket, I'm tapping you out. And I turn into a bear like Trinket! SAM: What?! TRAVIS: Good! MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Wait. First, I Polymorph Trinket into a squirrel. LAURA: (gasp) You can do that? MARISHA: I can. No, a mouse, like a rat. LAURA: Little tiny. MATT: Okay. You see the shadows nearby the fog you hear, "Come at me, I'm going to--" You can see Balgus's shadow swinging wildly at the air, angrily. SAM: Are you going to fight him? LAURA: I don't know! MATT: You grab Trinket. Trinket shrinks down into a tiny little mouse. MARISHA: I say: Scanlan! Catch Trinket! SAM: Jesus, I don't like rats, but I'll keep it. Okay. MATT: Trinket, the little mouse face, the moment you see it, looks very confused, very scared. SAM: It's okay. I'll protect it. Don't worry. MARISHA: Then I bear form up. MATT: You (whoosh) into a bear form. Now Keyleth is now this giant bear where Trinket once was. TRAVIS: I got my money on Ballsack! SAM: Don't bet against the enemy! LIAM: In the fog I somersault over some random dwarf and pull out my dagger, but turn it around in my hand and whack Balgus in the back of the head as hard as I can, just to try and knock him out. LAURA: Can you see in fog? SAM: He's a really good fighter. LIAM: Low light. MATT: Go ahead and make a stealth check. LAURA: What?! MATT: You have advantage because you are in fog. ORION: I'm at the balcony by the way. Watching all this. LAURA: You have advantage, roll twice. LIAM: Oh, thank you. TRAVIS: Yeah, we're watching what they're doing. SAM: Remember, he's our friend. We don't want to kill him. ORION: I'm taking a short rest, you all can do this. LIAM: 21. MATT: Okay. Balgus's drunken, mist covered state does not seem to notice your approach. He is swinging wildly, though. He has disadvantaged attack on you as you approach. One of his fists swings past you. That is going to be a 12, I don't think that hits. LIAM: No. MATT: You just narrowly dodge out of the way. You can feel the fist just whoosh past one of your ears. As you come back up, clutching the base of your dagger, go for your strike. LAURA: Oh my gosh! TRAVIS: Come on taint butter, you got it. LIAM: Oh, that's no good. Oh, I have advantage on the attack roll for this? MATT: Because he does not see you, yes. You are currently stealthed. LIAM: That's much better. 26! TRAVIS: That'll work. MATT: That'll hit. Go ahead and roll sneak attack damage on this, of course. LIAM: Plus regular? MATT: Yeah. SAM: Don't kill him! MATT: Well, we're considering it nonlethal damage because it's with the base of the dagger. ORION: I'm having an ale while watching all this. MATT: You're watching a lot of fog, with some shapes moving in it. ORION: Yeah, and I'm like: This is fog! Probably Keyleth's spell. LAURA: I'm blindly looking for Trinket. SAM: Trinket's in my hands. MATT: You're like, "Where's Trinket?" You see a giant bear there and you're like, "There's Trinket! That's not Trinket. There's no armor." MARISHA: Oh, that's right. MATT: You're very confused. Trinket now has no armor, is a slightly different shade-- MARISHA: No, he's close enough! Man, come on, I've been around Trinket enough. ORION, MARISHA: Come on, man! LIAM: 27, right in the base of his skull. SAM: Jesus. MATT: Crack! A resounding impact hits and there now dwarves that are like, "Yeah! Ooh!" All the cheering stops and there's this lull. Quiet hits. Balgus hasn't moved, by the way. You impact and it's like hitting a wall. There's this taut, thick stump of muscle where the dwarf neck is. LIAM: Fuck! MATT: As you pull back the dagger, his hand reaches up and grabs your wrist. His head slowly turns towards you and he goes, (laughs) LIAM: Bonus action to disengage. Disengage as a rogue. MATT: Well he's going to attempt to grapple you. LAURA, LIAM: Oh no. MATT: Go ahead and make an acrobatics check; it's probably your best score anyway. LIAM: All right. Oh, that's fine! That's a 30. MATT: That's a 30? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: You manage to just slip out of his grip. Barely. He was about to clamp on. As you step away, he turns towards you and goes, "Oh, well I feel alive tonight! Bring it, all of you! I want to smash a face in." He's got a little bit of ale froth at the corner of his mouth. It's beginning to drip into his beard. It's quite an awful sight for those that are close enough to see it. The rest of you just see this, shapes and movement. There's still this, "Okay, what's going on?" kind of a feel. You hear Adra in the back going, "Stop this! This is-- I can't even see! What are you doing?! Don't destroy another table!" She's frantically trying to stop this chaos. There's now a bear-- what are you doing, Keyleth? MARISHA: I'm a bear and-- MATT: You're a bear. ORION: (like Marisha) I'm a bear. MARISHA: What happened? MATT: You're a bear, you want to do anything? LAURA: What are you doing? MATT: You see the shape of Balgus like-- in the middle of this fight ring. LAURA: Do some tricks! Do some tricks! Start clapping and, like, dancing around. MARISHA: Okay, that's a good idea. MATT: This is what she tells you. MARISHA: I see her as my trainer. LAURA: Dance! MARISHA: I'm like (growling). I'm circus bear-ing. LAURA: Everyone! Gather round and watch the amazing Trinket do his tricks! SAM: I start playing music from my shawm instrument. Which exists. MATT: Yeah, it does. SAM: A rousing jaunty bear-like tune. LAURA: Yes! ORION: I'm going to cast Prestidigitation and do fireworks on top of that. MARISHA: You should give me a fez! Can you Prestidigitation me a fez? ORION: Can I do little hats? MATT: You haven't done a fez yet. You need to work on that. A couple more levels. ORION: No. I'll try. Paper hat! MATT: Have you ever seen fireworks go off in a cloud? You get that little boof, boof. There's a bunch of that above you. Cloud, lights flashing. You begin singing your tune. Do you give an inspiration dice to her? SAM: Sure, I would love to give her an inspiration dice. MATT: A d8 inspiration dice from the bard as you hear the enchanting, jaunty, bear dancing theme. SAM: (singing) Oh, look over there! It's a bear! Yeah! MATT: Bard getting his bard on. Go ahead and make a performance check. SAM: Who, me? MATT: No, she does. You're performing as a bear! MARISHA: Natural 20! (cheering) MATT: Do you want to add performance dice? LIAM: Look at that, a fucking bear dance. MATT: I'm sorry, the inspiration dice that he gave you. SAM: No! It's a natural 20! MARISHA: It's a natural 20! MATT: I know. Okay! MARISHA: No, I want to save it! I'm inspired, for later. I will think back to that moment. MATT: You were so inspired, you weren't even inspired to be inspired for this. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: This array of strange puffy fireworks in the fog; you doing this little rotation. You actually manage to do a bear cartwheel, and slam into the ring, but it looks pretty cool. You get back up. You're on your hind legs, you dance on one foot for a second. Balgus is like, (raucous laughter). He starts laughing, doubles over, clutching his stomach, laughing his ass off. Other dwarves start laughing too. The music gets louder and the band in the back of the tavern begins playing again. There's now this general jovial air restored to the tavern. LAURA: I grab an empty cup off of the table and say: Tips for the bear, right here! SAM: We're going to get money for this? TRAVIS: Of course. LIAM: I beeline to the bar and say: A large mug of ale, please. As soon as it's ready, bring it right over to Balgus. MATT: You guys are pulling through a crowd, covered in mist still. You're having a hard time finding your way through the bar. The people are at least now cheering, in the mood. There's still some people trying to find their way to the front to see what's going because they hear the music and they hear the cheering. "Well, what's going on over there?" They're pushing their way through. You make your way to the bar. You see Adra's really nervous, like, (panicked sounds) LIAM: I can fix this! MATT: "How? Do! Go!" LIAM: Quickly? MATT: "Here, go!" She hands you one, doesn't even charge you for it. MARISHA: I'm still dancing! LIAM: Looking for Balgus in the crowd. MATT: He's still in the center of the ring. No one's still getting near Balgus. They're cheering off to the side. Balgus is laughing. "Ooh, growl for me! Do a happy growl!" MARISHA: (growls) MATT: "Yeah, there's a happy growl! Oh, it's been so long since I've been outside!" A little tear on the edge of his face. As you approach up his side-- LIAM: Arm around his shoulder. MATT: Immediately, instinctively, he slaps it off his arm and turns around. LIAM: Take this! You are an impressive specimen, my good man. I have never had a fight that amazing in at least a week. That was something to see. Here, take this, and after this one there's three more. MATT: He's drunk, you're offering him ale, and he's been laughing at a bear for two minutes. Make a persuasion roll with advantage. LIAM: Yeah! Persuasion, you say? 15. MATT: Two rolls, yeah, you have advantage. LIAM: Oh! 15. MATT: 15! He looks at you with this big grin, and you can now see his gnarled, yellow dwarven teeth, this railroad of terror that his mouth is. This big smile. He reaches out, his beard poofing over the side, grabs it and goes, "See, now this is dwarven hospitality!" He lifts his drink up and it spills a little bit on his arm. He's like, "Hey!" Everyone lifts up and cheers again. (cheering) Everyone still keeps drinking through the fog. It's like a bad sauna in here right now. Everyone's fighting their way through. At which point now, Balgus slaps you on the shoulder, takes a drink, and wanders out of the fight ring, goes and finds a table to sit down and begin chugging what you gave him. SAM: Why don't we adjourn for the evening? Retire to our rooms? TRAVIS: Why don't you go change out of bear form? MARISHA: Yeah, and I guess I can let Trinket change out of mouse form. SAM: Why don't you wait until we're upstairs? LAURA: Can I take the mouse? Can I take Trinket? SAM: Here, rat-mouse-thing. LAURA: Okay, hi, Trinket! Oh, is his armor teeny tiny too? MARISHA: Oh, does he have a tiny armor mouse? Mouse armor! MATT: If you choose, while polymorphing him, you could make it as a visual aesthetic. Because it was a quick impact, I would say it looks like a normal mouse right now. Sorry. Next time! LAURA: Well you're still adorable little-- don't poke him. MATT: (squeaks) LAURA: I stick him in my little pocket. LIAM: I grab a half a mug of ale off the table and say, "Dwarven compatriots, we could not have expected a better welcome here in Kraghammer! We'll see you tomorrow night for round two. Thank you, one and all." ALL: Huzzah! MATT: (cheering) Balgus goes, "Three more! You said three more!" You see his empty cup on the table. TRAVIS: We did say three more. LAURA: I laugh and hustle her over and say: One, two, three, put them in a row for this gentleman right here. MATT: "Aye! (whispers) Thanks." She gives you like a really earnest like, "Thank you." You now have a very good idea of how a good third of the tables in this tavern are repaired. TRAVIS: He's tough. MATT: You guys head back up to the rooms. TRAVIS: You put some stank on him. MATT: Yeah, that was like a (vibrating) when you got the impact on him. LAURA: Don't fight him, you guys. SAM: Oh, Grog's going to fight him at some point. MATT: I get the feeling that's probably going to go down at some point. TRAVIS: He's going to be playmates with me. LIAM: It's just a misunderstanding. I'm sure he's a lovely gentleman. MATT: You guys are heading back up to the room. Which, it's not a hallway built for a bear. Your shoulders are squeezing through. LAURA: How big is the room? MATT: Well, each one of your rooms comfortably fits two people, maybe. Like, one and a half? LAURA: Oh no. What will I do with Trinket? MATT: If you help push Trinket through the door. Thankfully, dwarves are fairly wide folk, so the doors are built for stouter folk, they're just not very tall. You, actually, have to bend through, Grog, to get into your room. On the bed that you lie on, your legs dangle a good two feet off the bottom, at maximum. You can push Trinket through with a one, two, three! Or you can carry her through as a mouse, and then have her stuck in there. MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: That's all right. Neither of us need a blanket now. LAURA: Well. MARISHA: How long can I keep her a mouse? LAURA: Him! Trinket's a boy, all of you, please. MARISHA: Up to an hour? MATT: I believe it is, yeah, concentration. TRAVIS: I mean, are there like stables? LAURA: You know, yeah. Can I go downstairs and ask about stables? Maybe he can stay in the stables. MATT: You have to talk to Adra. She's like, "There's no stables in this establishment, but we do have a downstairs storage area your bear can probably stay in." TRAVIS: Yeah, he's a bear, he's fine. LAURA: Trinket, is that okay? TRAVIS: (as Trinket) Yeah, I'm fine. LAURA: All right, yeah, he's seems to think it's all right. Let's go with the storage room. If there's anything that looks edible, you can eat it. It's fine. MATT: "That's not true." LAURA: Just kidding! MATT: "I'll charge you later." You bring Trinket back down. Do you release your polymorph? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Trinket becomes a bear again. I'd say the room's probably a good 40 feet by 30 feet. LAURA: Oh, so he's fine. MATT: Half of it's filled with barrels and crates, and storage of dried foods. Trinket comes in and (sniffing) and starts rummaging into one of the half open sacks of dried meat. That's going to be put on your bill. LAURA: Shit. MATT: You head back to your rooms for the evening to rest. MARISHA: Take a nap. MATT: Anything you guys want to do in preparation for the next day? SAM: No, let's get it on. MARISHA: Oh, we should give our comment cards to Balgus. TALIESIN: I think we should all turn in our comment cards. LAURA: Oh, our comments cards, that's right. MATT: You turn in your comment cards for Balan. MARISHA: Balan. TALIESIN: I can't stress how important this is. LIAM: Maybe we should-- go ahead, I'm sorry. TALIESIN: No, no, really, no it's fine, speak over me, I don't care. MARISHA: Here, take him the extras. TALIESIN: We're going to give him a few extras so he can have more comments. MARISHA: Yes. SAM: You guys are so kind with these comment cards. LIAM: Perhaps we should all go to bed, and the humans back in North Hollywood should take a pee break. At some point. SAM: The humans? LIAM: You. You, and you and you and you and me. MATT: Yes, indeed. Do you want to take a quick restroom break for the folks here? SAM: You okay? MATT: Zac? ZAC: What's that? MATT: Folks here might want to use the restroom real fast. ZAC: You want me to play the intro videos again? MATT: You know what, go ahead and play some of the intro videos and we'll come back here in a minute to continue the game, while everyone rests, and empties their bladders. We'll be right back guys. Hang tight. SAM: Commercial break. TRAVIS: Right, listen up! If you have ale, then you have a friend in Grog Strongjaw! A goliath of towering height and size, this barbarian has an appetite for the two great loves in his life: combat, women, and ale! [record scratch] Wait. Easily the brains of the group, Grog is often consulted for his vast knowledge of shapes, colors, and shiny things! Also ale. In his early years, armed with his two-handed greataxe, Grog often enjoyed proving his might amongst the ranks of his family's wandering herd. But after coming upon an unsuspecting elderly gnome in the woods, he objected to the killing such an innocent life. A creature of impulse, Grog felt only pity for this-- well, this terrified little thing. And his disobedience cost him dearly. Beaten bloody, and banished by the herd leader, his Uncle Kevdak, Grog was abandoned and left to die. Exiled from his herd, it was then that the relative of the very gnome he fought to save, saved him. It was the kindness of a gnome cleric named Pike that healed Grog, bringing him back from death's edge. And they have remained close friends ever since. Most nights, Grog can be found challenging entire taverns to wrestling matches! Or accompanying Scanlan to the nearest house where you pay for lady favors. Also ale! MARISHA: A first impression of Keyleth would leave you with little information on the half-elven druid. You might even think that her social awkwardness due to her sheltered upbringing is kind of sweet. Of course, it would be unwise underestimate her based on first impressions. [thunder crack] Under that un-intimidating petite frame is a vicious beast waiting to be unleashed, whose natural powers have made even the fiercest of champions pee their pants, literally! Born to the Air Tribe of the Ashari people, Keyleth was raised with a deep love of nature and the elemental magics. It is her people's inherent duty to protect the delicate areas in Tal'Dorei where the four elemental planes begin to bleed with this realm. Since she was a little girl, she had quite a knack for air manipulation and beast shaping abilities. Well, if you consider kittens and flying squirrels to be little beasts. Which, I do. Anyways, it wasn't long before the headmaster of the tribe, her father, Korren, realized her true prodigious abilities and she was inveterated to succeed him as the next headmaster. Just like that, her jovial childhood was stripped and replaced with endless spell memorization, teachings from ancient traditions, and exceedingly high expectations. Every druid leader-to-be must embark on journey to seek out the sister tribes in order to introduce and establish respect amongst the fellow headmasters. They call this the Aramente, or Noble Odyssey. When her father felt she was ready, he set her on the path to truly discovering herself, not knowing when, or if, she will ever return. As she hiked down the mountain towards Stilben, she meditated on the task ahead. Part of the Aramente is proving yourself a strong warrior, a valiant protector, and a wise and compassionate leader. With this knowledge, one thought plays in repeat in her mind: Is she even worthy? TALIESIN: Percy was the third child of seven children, born to a noble family who lived far to the north in the ancient castle of Whitestone. With so many siblings to share the burdens of lordship, Percy turned his attention to the sciences, engineering, and naturalism. One day, a mysterious couple, named Lord and Lady Briarwood, came to court. During a feast held in their honor, the Briarwoods violently took control of the castle, killing or imprisoning everyone who would stand in their way. Percy awoke chained in the dungeon, only to be freed by his younger sister. Together they fled, chased by the Briarwoods' men. As they ran, Percy's sister took several arrows to the chest and fell. Percy kept running, eventually jumping into a freezing river and floating unconscious to freedom. He did not remember waking up on a fishing boat. He barely remembered the next two years, as he slowly made his way as far south as possible. Then one night, Percy had a dream. A roaring cloud of smoke offered him vengeance against those who destroyed his family. When he awoke, Percy began to design his first gun. SAM: Oh, you haven't heard of Scanlan Shorthalt? Well, gird your loins, ladies, because he has his eye on you. A talented musician, master of disguise, and dashingly handsome in his own mind, Scanlan sings songs almost as much as he sings his own praises. Born a poor gnome, Scanlan used his endless charm and soaring tenor voice to croon for coin and support his single mother. One day, he was discovered by a half-orc promoter, and joined Dr. Dranzel's Spectacular Traveling Troupe where he learned the ways of the world, and honed his skills as a bard extraordinaire. A loner much of his life, Scanlan has never quite come to terms with the violent death of his mother at the hands of a goblin invasion. While his years on the road provided many, shall we say, educational experiences with the opposite sex, deep down Scanlan yearns for the one thing he's never known: the true love of a fellow gnome. Still, Scanlan considers himself a lover first, performer second, and fighter distant third. On the battlefield, he'll support his allies, but rarely draws blood, unless it's to protect fellow gnome, Pike. Count on Scanlan for a hearty laugh, a rollicking song, and a twinkle in his eye that melts hearts and makes the females swoon. ORION: Greetings and salutations, I am Tiberius Stormwind. I hail from a town called Ty'rex, located in the heart of Draconia, born from a politically respected family. At the age of 15, I succeeded in passing the Sorcerer's Rite, showing prodigy-like control of my magic. The judges and the Draconian high council were amazed at how powerful my spells were for how long I had been training. At 20 years old, I was the youngest appointed member of the magic guild in Draconian history. For the next few years, I almost went mad from the malaise of being a guild member, as it's rather boring. However, one day I happened upon a chamber, unused for quite some time. In the room were stacks of books and maps of the surrounding cities and areas around the known world. For months, I would frequent the chamber, and learned of artifacts from legend. After a long period of research, I made a list of artifacts that caught my eye. I brought these findings to the high council and was told that all of the information in the chamber I had stumbled upon was either believed to be fiction, or unsolvable mysteries, and hence were lost forever. I found those answers to be unacceptable. A year later, I devised a ruse and managed to convince the city council to lend support in me leaving Draconia on a mission of peace and diplomacy for the surrounding kingdoms. Going from town to town and making friends and allies in and for the name of Draconia. Being a red dragonborn, I had quite the task on my hands in that respect, but it was exactly what I needed so I could explore the world and find these artifacts, as I felt the truth was out there. Some may describe me as buffoonish, but I say poppycock to all that. I am much sharper than most give me credit for. I just don't pay attention to things sometimes. I've also been known to be rather cunning, loyal, happy-go-lucky, and well, dangerous. I can't help but show my true scales every now and then. But overall, I think I'm quite friendly for a dragonborn. LIAM: Never entirely welcome in the company of elves or men, Vax'ildan learned at a young age to skip past formality, preferring instead to invite himself in your door. Along with twin sister Vex'ahlia, Vax was born by a chance encounter between elven royalty and human peasantry. Raised by their mother in their early years, the twins were eventually sent off to their father in the elven capital of Syngorn. But their cool reception among the elves there never warmed, and their time in the capital didn't last. The siblings stole away one autumn night and set out on the open road. After a few years of wandering, they eventually decided to return to their mother, and journeyed back to the lands of their youth. But instead of finding their childhood home, they returned to a pile of rubble. Their mother was gone, their home burned to ash. Pressing the townspeople for answers, they learned of the day the dragon came. With their ties all severed, Vax'ildan and his sister set out to find their fortune together in Tal'Dorei. An outsider since birth, Vax quickly learned to solve life's challenges in his own particular way, often by sidestepping them entirely. And when his knack for circumventing adversity isn't enough, the way of blades the elves schooled him in more than makes up the difference. LAURA: Like so many half-elves, Vex'ahlia has spent most of her life suffering the cool reception of a people who don't fully accept her. Born of a human mother, and an elven father who only later in life took an interest in their existence, Vex'ahlia and her twin brother, Vax'ildan, quickly realized the only people they could truly rely on in this world were each other. It was at the age of ten when the two were taken from their mother, and brought to live in Syngorn, the isolated elven city for which their father was an ambassador. He quietly took them in, but always kept an icy distance, and after too many years of disdainful looks, the pair decided to leave his indifference behind, and set out on their own. Vax took to the cities, stealing small trinkets and learning the ways of the thief, while Vex kept to the woods. She preferred the isolation. Always the keen observer, she learned to hunt and to track, to spy and to shoot. Through a series of fateful events, earned herself a companion in the form of a bear-- her own stolen Trinket-- to fight alongside her and protect her fiercely. Also, he is adorable, and gives expert massages. MATT: Hello, everyone. Welcome back. We've had our pee breaks. We've had our refills of our drinks. We've got Fireball, so I think we're good for the next venture. Anyway, the party has taken their rest for the evening. Once again, this is one of those weird experiences where you wake up, not because of the sun rising, because you can't see it in the dwarven city of Kraghammer, but eventually you all come to consciousness naturally. What is your plan of action? SAM: Oh, Jesus, we should have all talked about this while we were all peeing. TRAVIS: We're going to beat up everybody, right? SAM: Are we going to the manor? TALIESIN: I say we have brunch, and we go to the manor-- LAURA, TRAVIS: Brunch? SAM: Eggs benedict. TALIESIN: I want dwarven brunch. LIAM: I want a traditional dwarven breakfast. MARISHA: Dwarven eggs are very good. TALIESIN: They're small. MATT: Okay, so Tiberius fills you all in about his experience, trying to get into the House Thunderbrand. TRAVIS: How you almost got killed? ORION: I didn't, certainly not. I just couldn't get in the door. Rather rude! MARISHA: Why did you think that after the magic hand failed that the big thunder ice wave would work? ORION: What I thought is that I could cover the rune with ice and merely step over it. I didn't think it would dissolve my ice. TRAVIS: Did you sleep? ORION: Yes. TRAVIS: Oh. I had to make sure, you know. ORION: A good sorcerer always all his tricks before turning around, which is what I did. I think we should go back there because I feel that it's significant that I couldn't get in so easily. TALIESIN: We will go back there. I don't think it's the next order of business but I think that we're not leaving the city without dealing with that. LAURA: Definitely. TRAVIS: Do we need to do something with the comment cards? LAURA: Oh. TALIESIN: Did you not fill out your comment card? TRAVIS: No, I did! I know, like, three letters, so like A, F, and A. MARISHA: That's okay. TALIESIN: That sounds very positive. MARISHA: It's the thought that counts, Grog. It's the thought that counts. LAURA: Did you put a smiley face next to the A-F-A? TRAVIS: I covered my hand in ink. LAURA: That works. TALIESIN: Very good. I think that went well. SAM: Shall we try to make our way to the manor, then? LAURA: The Greyspine Manor, with our cask of fancy ale/wine. TRAVIS: Does the light ever change being underground? MATT: No, it is a perpetual low red glow from all the stones that are embedded around the streets. LAURA:I feel really sleepy and also very awake at the same time. MARISHA: Yeah, I know. MATT: Oh, dwarves. LAURA: So what do you think? TALIESIN: Now I'm curious if there's dwarven coffee. MATT: You guys make your way after your brunch, your delicious dwarven brunch-- TALIESIN: Thank you! MATT: -- which is very alcoholic. TRAVIS: Yes! TALIESIN: It's like being in New Orleans for the weekend, every meal is going to come with something alcoholic. LAURA: You're turning yourself into a dwarf? SAM: Did you catch that? He just turned himself into a dwarf. TRAVIS: You did? MATT: Tiberius went (whoosh) into a dwarven form. LAURA: What kind of dwarf? What do you look like? SAM: He's very handsome for a dwarf. LAURA: Are you a girl dwarf? MARISHA: Yes! You should be a lady dwarf. SAM: Oh yeah, what kind of dwarf? A lady dwarf? ORION: I would not do that again. TRAVIS: Oh, you did do that, you did take it as a troll. ORION: Almost! She shot off the penis. LIAM: What is going on? TRAVIS: That's where the troll dick came from. ORION: Don't you remember, Vax? I was almost raped by trolls. MATT: There was a cavern interaction with two male trolls that they had stealthed up behind as a party. I love explaining this to the audience. Tiberius then polymorphed into a female troll to try and Bugs Bunny them, not realizing that dwarves who are underground and-- LAURA: Trolls. MATT: --trolls don't encounter female trolls often enough to have a one track mind. He nearly got himself in a very bad situation. That was remedied by the party attacking and Vex over here shooting off the troll's dick. Which then went in the bag of holding, which is disgusting. MARISHA: That's also where the hashtag not all trolls came from. MATT: Yup, hashtag not all trolls came from that game. That is horrible. TALIESIN: Oh god. Bring it back. MARISHA: Bringing it back. MATT: You guys make your way to the residential district. The same guards are there who were there the previous night that encountered you guys so, as you roll up with an entourage- SAM: How many are there? MATT: Currently, there are four. TRAVIS: We can take them. LAURA: Hi. I wave at Thompson. MATT: He's actually not there. It's the two others that were with you. He is noticeably absent. LAURA: Oh. Where's Thompson? MATT: They look at each other and they're like, "He's been given the day off." LAURA: Oh, really? LIAM: As you can see, we brought one of your citizens with us to show us a tour of the city. SAM: That's you. MATT: "Citizen? I haven't see you about. What's your name?" ORION: Oh, my name is Tiberius Kraghammer. (laughter) SAM: Like Johnny New York. ORION: Shoot, we're in Kraghammer, right? SAM: We're in Kraghammer. ORION: Oh, Stronghammer. SAM: Johnny New York. MATT: "What is it, Kraghammer, or what was it?" (laughter) ORION: I meant--I meant Stronghammer. Kraghammer is my father's cousin's side. MATT: "How drunk are you?" ORION: I've been drinking since I've woken. MATT: Make a persuasion check. SAM: See, he is one of you! TRAVIS: I had a lot of breakfast. ORION: Oh yay, 19. MATT: 19. TRAVIS: Tiberius Kraghammer. MATT: "All right, I haven't seen you around, but obviously it's a bit early to be that fucked up." ORION: I've been very depressed, you know. MATT: Well, what's your business, if I might ask again? You already seen the statue. LAURA: Yeah, we saw the statue, but we wanted to get a better look at it. We brought this gift for the Greyspines and we wanted to present it to them. MATT: The two new Carvers step forward and look at it. "Ooh!" LAURA: It's really nice. MATT: One of them's like, "I'll tell you what. If you let us taste a bit of that, we'll let you go." ORION: Oh, I mean, I've been drinking a lot of it, sure! LAURA: A thimble of it because if any of it goes missing-- Is it sealed? Can we tell if it's sealed? MATT: You look at it. It does not have any sort of port or exit on it. It is just a solid barrel. ORION: Maybe, we can save some for them. LAURA:. If we open it, it'll ruin the barrel, right? MATT: "Ah, that's right." LAURA: Maybe we can save you a bottle of it when we open it inside. We'll give it to you later. MATT: Make a persuasion check for that. It's a very persuasion based encounter. LAURA: Should I roll that one that failed me earlier or my little dice? MATT: The little dice! They haven't come out yet! LAURA: (high-pitched) My little, tiny dice. MATT: Itty bitty dice. LAURA: Teeny tiny dice. Okay that's better, I rolled a 23. MATT: Okay. They all look at each other. "If you can save enough for all four of us, please do. Bring it back, we'll be looking forward to it." ORION: Do you have any flasks that we could use to fill them up? LAURA: We've got some bottles, don't worry. MATT: "We'll be waiting. If you don't show with the drink, we'll go right to our supervisor." They all nod. LAURA: Yeah, keep nodding. Here's the thing. I don't know if I can save four bottles worth, but I'll save as much as I can. SAM, TALIESIN: Just say yes. LAURA: Hey, I've got it covered. LIAM: On our father's good name, we will bring you some of this. That is a promise. TRAVIS: It's a good name. MATT: They all look about each other. "Fine. Remember, we're waiting." They all lick their lips a little. They part and let you guys into the residential district. You make your way to the very back. You can see House Greyspine. Once again, guys, for those who haven't been there before, it's a beautiful arrangement. The iron gate around it with spikes on the top. You can see the entire front yard, it's about a good 80 yard walk to the front of the building itself. It's a quite a distance from the front gate and that entire area is filled with like a stone garden with various small sculptures and interesting knick knacks they collected and put on display like as a small museum as you approach the front of House Greyspine. You get to the front door as a large double oak door about ten feet tall, four feet wide, currently closed. There is no handle on the door. TRAVIS: No handle? MATT: No. ORION: Hold on, wait. Don't knock on anything. Things shock you here. SAM: Let's go knock on the door. TALIESIN: I want to double check, see if there's a bell to ring or there seems to be some sort of calling-- MATT: Easily enough, you see next to the door there is a small chain that protrudes from the stone wall. It has a small bulbous ball at the end. TALIESIN: Ding ding. Ding-a-ding. MATT: You pull it. Not a ding, but a large (clanging). It is a heavier chain than you expected. As you pull on it, you feel a large hammer-like object is slamming into a brass-type material as it echoes and resounds in the building. Definitely announcing your presence. MARISHA: Percy, can I try? TALIESIN: If you must, yes. MARISHA: Okay! MATT: Boosh! It echoes into the house. MARISHA: I just wanted to do that once! I'm sorry. SAM: Should we ding-dong-ditch? (laughter) LIAM: Scanlan perhaps a little ditty on strings will ease our introduction. SAM: I'll start singing a little jaunty welcoming song. (singing) Hello, hello, we're here to pay you calling. Hello, hello I don't know what rhymes with calling. TALIESIN: "Calling," at the very least. I thought you would go right there. SAM: Yes, it's true. MATT: All right, are you going to play the music for the sake of playing music? SAM: Yes, for now. MATT: All right. About ten seconds pass before the door-- you hear a large (thudding) and one of the doors opens up. You see a dwarf, with long gray hair that's slicked back and pulled into a ponytail. A very small trimmed beard, very proper, steps out in long black robes and goes, "Can I help you?" TRAVIS: Percy? TALIESIN: Yes, Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III. ORION: You can call him Percy. TALIESIN: You can simply call me Percy, thank you. We're here to discuss some business with Lord Greyspine and we have, of course, brought gifts and our charming company. LIAM: As well as our dwarven compatriot to introduce us. ORION: Yes, who? I am quite drunk right now. MATT: He gives you an awkward look. It's like a look of trying to place your face. "Which lord are you looking for?" LAURA: Actually Nostoc. ORION: Is he the nice one? I would like the nice one. MATT: "Nostoc, I'm afraid, is currently working at the quarry, if he's who you're looking for." LAURA: Oh, of course he is. SAM: If Gradon is here, is that his name? Gradon? MATT: He gives you this look. "Gradem is not taking visitors." LAURA: Of course not. TALIESIN: That's a shame, we brought this half-barrel of ale right here and some-- SAM: And some very, very attractive mining contracts, but if there's no one here to talk about them-- MATT: He gives you this look. "If you're talking mining contracts you want to head to the quarry and talk to, Lord--" Looking him up again in my notes. "You want to talk to Nostoc Greyspine. He's the one who runs the quarry. As far as the Ironkeeper himself-- I mean no offense, but only official political business." TALIESIN: Well, this is definitely official political business. I will also say, could you direct us to the quarry? We are new in town. MATT: "Obviously. Have you not shown them where the quarry is, friend?" ORION: I have no idea what's going even going on. SAM: Jesus. TALIESIN: He's been drinking since very early this morning. MARISHA: He's on vacation. You'll have to excuse him. ORION: I must say, I am having a wonderful time. MARISHA: You know, friends are in town, he's showing us around. TALIESIN: What was your name, again? MATT: The dwarf gives you a subtle look, goes, "My name is Magrim. I am the servant of the Ironkeeper himself." TALIESIN: Magrim, of course you're the servant. You are filled with poise and sophistication, and of course, above all, protocol. I would not wish you to break protocol which is why some simple directions, for those of us who are wishing to do some official business. You'll be right on your way and your house will return to order. MATT: "Right. The Ironkeeper is not open to business outside of pre-approved political understanding." LAURA: Of course. MATT: "If you don't have a pre-approved meeting put within our ledger, you won't be seen." LAURA: Of course not, but for the mining contracts, however, wouldn't we need to speak to Nostoc? Is there any way-- I hear it's very hard to get down into the mines. It's very well-guarded, right? That's why we came to speak to him here. MATT: He leans over and looks at the cask of ale and says, "Down to the mines, you have to go to one of the chain platform posts at the edge of town that will bring you to the base area. Find your way to the mines there. That should be enough to get Nostoc's attention. The rest is up to you." LAURA: Lovely. Thank you so much. SAM: One moment, before we adjourn-- (whispers) Do we want to try to get into this place, or are we just going to go to the mines? LAURA: (whispers) Maybe we should talk to Nostoc first. SAM: And ditch this place? TALIESIN: Every time we break into someone's house it turns out poorly. LAURA: We're trying to get to the mines, essentially. LIAM: I think he's still listening. TALIESIN: Good man, good day. We'll be on our way, thank you. LAURA: Magrim, you've been wonderful. Thank you so much. We plan on keeping some of this ale and bringing it back to the household. Would you like some when we open the cask? MATT: He looks down at the cask, looks up at you and says, "I would not turn down a sip or two." LAURA: Lovely. We'll be sure to save you a small bottle. SAM: I'm going to turn invisible. MATT: As he's looking over there, you vanish. All right. LAURA: You can do that?! SAM: And I'm sneaking into the house. LIAM: To what end?! TRAVIS: That's awesome! Who cares? Light it up! SAM: I don't know why! TRAVIS: He's gone nuts! TALIESIN: We are off the reservation. MATT: "Is that all your business?" LAURA: I believe it is all of our business. MATT: "Well, good day." He steps back into the doorway and closes the large oak doors. You are now standing in the foyer of Palace Greyspine. A luxurious foyer, the floor itself is a fine dark velvet red carpet. There are tapestries across the walls and small wooden end tables set at the edges of the hallway, this foyer area that contains sculptures and vases and plants that exist underground specifically. There's a large stairway that leads up into the upper portion of the house and two doors at each side that lead to rooms you no longer can see. ORION: I use the earpiece and whisper: What are you doing, Scanlan?! What are you doing?! SAM: I don't know! Give me 20 minutes! LAURA: 20 minutes, that's okay! Let's all step away from the house. MARISHA: Ask if he needs assistance or divergent-- TALIESIN: Divergent? MARISHA: Divergent. MATT: Magrim wipes his hands and walks away going, "(sigh) Fucking foreigners." SAM: I follow him where he's going. MATT: Okay. SAM: My nervousness, I let out a little bit of a fart as we-- MATT: Make a stealth check. ORION: Why are you making it harder on yourself? SAM: 14 plus I'm invisible, plus two. 16. MATT: Because you're invisible, I'll give you advantage on that. Go ahead and roll. SAM: Oh, well. 14. Plus two. 16. MATT: As you scamper by, behind Magrim, following him towards the kitchen area of the abode, Magrim stops and turns, rubs his stomach, goes (groaning) and continues walking forward, seemingly unperturbed by the sound. SAM: I'm snooping around, trying to see if there's any lords or higher ranking individuals in the area. MATT: Okay, I'll say within the time that you have within the house, you wander through quite a few rooms. There's a wonderful music room, which contains a number of dwarven instruments that you've read of and many instruments that you know as well. You actually find another, what do you call it again? A shawm? SAM: Shawm. MATT: A shawm. You find another shawm within, more finely crafted than the one that you have. SAM: Oh fuck. MATT: A gift of lords, if you will. SAM: I'm so tempted, but no. LAURA: Does he have an earring on? Does he have one of our earrings? LIAM: We all do. MATT: Not everyone, you only made a few. SAM: Just me and him. LAURA: Who all has an earring? SAM: He can talk to me, apparently. LAURA: Tiberius, tell him to look for paperwork of something. For the mines! ORION: Scanlan, look for paperwork of something else, and by the way, all of you should be hearing me right now, you all have the ear-- LAURA: Not everyone. You only made like five or something. MATT: You could only afford five. ORION: That's right. (clears throat) Do all those things, Scanlan. SAM: Great. TRAVIS: Who's talking right now? MATT: As you look about the household, you also come across a couple of bed chambers that are locked, pretty hefty lock. SAM: Not going to try. MATT: Okay. You make your way up the stairway, and there's a long hall that leads to, essentially, a throne room that is still partially under construction, mostly finished. It actually was an intentional build onto this house. House Greyspine, when the current Ironkeeper went into office, it seems, began to have this room built. It's nearly finished, but it's an extravagant room with a large stone and dark metal throne, steps lead up to it, and its raised dais-like pedestal in the center of the room. A series of great magically glowing and flickering lanterns across them. There are two dwarves inside that are currently finishing up the stone work. They're doing various sorts of masonry and plastering in areas and carving out and chiselling out pieces of stone, and making them intricately carved in this flavor. Other than that the room is currently empty. SAM: Shit. There's nothing to steal! TRAVIS: Drop a deuce in the bedroom! MATT: Hashtag "gnomishdeuce." ORION: Damn it, Scanlan! Just get out of there! What are you doing? LAURA: You totally should! TRAVIS, LAURA: An invisible poo! SAM: I might as well try one of the doors that's locked, and see if I can pick it, but I'm not good at that, so I'll try. MATT: Okay. Do you have on your person any sort of thieves' tools? SAM: I have a forgery kit, a poisoner's kit-- MARISHA: Forge some thieves' tools real quick. SAM: Climbing gear? And a whip. LIAM: Matt, I have one of the earrings, and I say: Scanlan, what exactly is the purpose for this little escapade, and will it be ending shortly? SAM: Can I reply? MATT: You can, through the message-based ear enchantment. SAM: Just trust me that I have no idea what I'm doing. MATT: Do you wish to pick one of the doors? TRAVIS: Do it. SAM: Yeah, I'm going to try one! MATT: Okay, you have disadvantage on this. SAM: Of course I do. MATT: So roll twice, and we'll consider this a straight dexterity check. SAM: 11, plus zero? MATT: You futz with the door for a good minute, trying to bend a piece of wire you had, thinking to forge some tumblers, and eventually get to a point where you hear, (tink). And it broke. SAM: I can't do two spells at once, so I will give it up and I'll make my way to the door. MATT: Okay. The door is currently closed. SAM: I become un-invisible and I cast Dimension Door. MATT: All right. You blink through this small, purplish arcane doorway. It brings you directly outside. You guys are waiting, Scanlan just pops into view. SAM: It was crazy in there! People were farting everywhere! It was not me. They're building a throne room, there were some locked doors. Man, I wish you could have been there! It was exciting, but ultimately pointless. Let's go down to the mines! LIAM: I would like to stress again that none of these dwarves are our enemies, at all. We just want to go have some words with Greyspine. TRAVIS: That we do not have our healer, at present. LIAM: Well, we do, but she's very distracted, and is not feeling herself. SAM: She wanted to stay at the inn this morning. LIAM: She's feeling awfully BAFTA today, so. SAM: Let's make our way to the mines, shall we? ORION: Metal poisoning, yes. TRAVIS: To the mines, then, yeah. LIAM: Let's go get this drunk dwarf! MATT: Yes, the bard was doing a lockpick with no lockpicks. He was fashioning it from wire. Exciting but pointless! You make your way to the edge of the center ring. You find that there are long spiral staircases that move to the bottom, where there are elevators that bring you to the bottom floor. The elevators are chain based, like a ratchet-type system with two Carvers there, of course. You approach one, eventually you talk with them, they lead you down there, but once again they give you a look of, "Watch your back!" LAURA: We point at the ale and give him a thumbs up! MATT: They nod, and let you pass. As you continue downward into the lower area, you can see the red stone that lets a lot of the atmospheric glow of Kraghammer is used less and less and a lot more central torches are now in place; sconces. The stone itself is either rarer the further down you go or has less of an illuminating power the deeper into the earth. You eventually reach into the center part of town. You now see from where you're standing a number of large structures in the very center of the bottom part of the city of Kraghammer. You can see-- There is a giant domed temple that is made of gold and bronze in the center. It looks almost like a gargantuan gazebo that has doorways on each side that is currently closed off. No guards at it, though. You do see a number of other buildings. There is a large, heavy foundry far off to the left of you that has a little bit of smoke that's coming off of it, but most of it looks to be filtered into a giant, metallic funnel that is then placed into the rock. Almost like all the smoke based exhaust is being funneled outside of the mountain. That is the closest; that's the foundry. Then to the right of you, you wander a bit and you can begin to see that part of the mountainside to the far right has that look of a strip mine, or like a large portion of the minerals has been pulled away and is currently being mined further. That looks like probably one of the better places to look in looking for the Greyspine Quarry. You eventually make your way to the outside of the quarry. You now look down into three large pits that descend deeply into the side of the mountain. This mine has been going for quite some time and a large chunk of this looks like it may be being prepped; almost like the mine is what's growing Kraghammer. The more they mine into the mountain, the more they fill the mined area with further city construction. It's this self perpetuating cycle of expanding the city downward. Currently in the quarry, there are a number of large stone dwarven buildings in the edge of it, one of which is the largest of them all, looks like it's made more of a black and red, iron aesthetic; some of it's been oxidized a little bit and has that rough and tumble, iron feel. That one has the most guards around the base of it. The Carvers are gathered entirely around it. Looking down into the center of the quarry, towards the bottom there are a number of tunnels that lead into the hillside of Cliffkeep Mountains proper, surrounding Kraghammer. TRAVIS: Let's go where the guards are. LAURA: Let's walk towards the guards. LIAM: Let's just do this directly, I think. SAM: Just swords out. MARISHA: Wait. Before we go up, I take the cask of ale and I grow some pretty flowers on it, and I make a nice pretty bow and I shine it up a little. TALIESIN: You're making a fruit basket? MARISHA: No, I'm just-- it looks attractive now. TALIESIN: It looks like a fruit basket. MARISHA: It does not look like a fruit basket. It's not that ostentatious. TALIESIN: It's the "Ale of the Month" Club. LIAM: In her defense, they probably don't see flowers too often. It's a nice touch. TALIESIN: That is very fair. ORION: I'm going to take this opportunity to cast Stoneskin on myself. MATT: Okay. Stoneskin is placed on you. SAM: Are you a dwarf still? TALIESIN: Are you a dwarf made of stone? MATT: You have not turned Alter Self off. You are still a dwarf. ORION: Yeah, that's fine. MATT: Oh, Stoneskin is a concentration spell, so yes, that would eliminate the Alter Self spell. Okay, so you revert back to your dragon form, robed self, but Stoneskin is in effect. You using your, what's it called again? MARISHA: Druidcraft. MATT: Druidcraft! Thank you. The Prestidigitation for hippies. Portions of the wood begin to sprout from the outside of this dark wood barrel and form these entangled ivy vines that eventually embrace the entirety of this cask with little buds of dark, ruddy flowers. Something that would definitely appeal to a dwarven aesthetic. MARISHA: That's hot. MATT: You approach the guards, of which there are eight currently at the front. LAURA: Can I use my perception to see which one of them looks maybe the most interested or weakest? MATT: Would be more of an insight. LAURA: Insight! Which one of them looks most interested in our party. MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Oh, good. I thought that was a one, but it's not. It was a 13. MATT: 13? Okay. Strangely enough, they are fairly distracted and after a rather long, uneventful morning, most of them are used to being in armor and waiting for business to go down. There are a few along the edges that look a little more alert, and one of them is looking occasionally down into the quarry. Just keeping an eye on the established area. LAURA: Which one looks like the newest? MATT: The newest of the bunch would be the one that's on the far left that is looking down into the quarry as well. He has a shaved head, has a small brownish beard that looks like he's starting to grow out into a nice, long tuft. Either it got shaved in some, I don't know, terrible college dwarf accident. You know part of his entry into some fraternity. TRAVIS: Dwarf Sigma Sigma. MATT: It's a fairly thick tuft of unkempt brown beard that goes about that far out. It's starting to be pulled in like tiny little scruffy braids. It's not quite there and he probably gets a lot of shit for it from the other dwarves. He seems to generally be looking at you guys. LIAM: Okay, work your magic. TRAVIS: Yeah, do your thing-- fuck these dwarves up. SAM: What are we trying to do? LAURA: We brought this gift. Hello! We address all of them, maybe, right now, yes? TALIESIN: She is better at this. I'm going to let her do this. LAURA, SAM: Hello, hi! ORION: Greetings and salutations! MATT: The other guards reach back and grab their weapons. One of them looking to you. ORION: Oh, you don't need that. LAURA: I look over at the shaved-head one and I hold his gaze for a little bit. LIAM: I give Vex a little push forward. LAURA: Pardon me. Not yet! MATT: "All right, what's your business?" LAURA: Oh, yes, well-- we are here to speak with Nostoc. We brought a gift for him that's quite remarkable, actually. MATT: They curl up around the apparent barrel that Grog's holding. They look wary of Grog, but once they make note of the barrel they all, "Ooh!" TRAVIS: Right? It's the shit. MATT: "I've heard of that, but I've not seen anyone actually drink it. There were long standing rumors that this even existed." LAURA: It exists. SAM: And it's for Nostoc. MATT: "This is a Balgus original?" LAURA: Yes. MATT "Signed by himself I see on the burned, emblazoned wood. I'll go talk to him!" He heads inside of the building, the doors close behind him. The other guards encroach, keeping a very keen eye, each one having a bead on the rest of your group. About two minutes pass before he comes back, opens the door and the dwarf goes, "Nostoc will see you briefly, but you best bring the gift. I think that's what's holding his interest." ORION: Wonderful! MATT: "Inside, please." Him and one other guard flank you guys as you enter, making sure that you are not left without that appearance. You are led into the center of this portion of the mine's main structure, a series of long hallways. There's this general smell of soot and ash and broken stone dust in the air. A hint of brimstone-ish smell. It's not very pleasant, it's very well worn and pungent for those of you who spend most of their time on the surface. As you enter, there is a general dust in the air, a little light seems to peek through from the torches that are placed up along the wall. You can see this general haze amongst the interior here. It's definitely a work environment at the base of an underground dwarven establishment used to mine. You are led further down the hallway. It curves to the left and you're brought into a large dwarven study. There are books on the walls, a series of ledgers and paper stacks on a large desk and at the center there sits a dwarf with fiery red hair cut very short, almost like a buzz-cut on the top, with a long beard that is not braided, but kept very smooth and very-- not curly, not bunched, it's a very straight beard. He's very clean cut, he already has this intimidating dark glare. As you walk into the room he goes, "Okay, you brought me a drink. You have my attention. What brings you to the mines?" SAM: We should have talked this through before. TALIESIN: Well, several things actually. Several things bring us to the mine. My name, of course, is Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III. ALL: You can call him Percy! MATT: He raises his finger and goes, "You have not paid for your pleasantries yet." LAURA: Oh, of course. Grog, if you would. LIAM: Tap that motherfucker! TRAVIS: I am assuming he had a goblet on the table. MATT: As you pull it up he pulls under his desk and pulls up a goblet. As you fill it, "Top it off! Thank you! Now put on the side of the desk!" SAM: Wait! Mister Greyspine. Oh, okay, all right. MATT: Puts it down. (satisfied sigh) LAURA: Is it as amazing as we've heard? MATT: "It's pretty fucking good." He takes another long drag, while making sure you all watch him do this. This goes on probably a little longer, the pageantry of him drinking this in front of you is definitely a power play, and he's establishing some sort of unspoken dominance in the room. Eventually he finishes his tankard, sets it down under the desk again. "Right, so where were we?" TALIESIN: We were here to call upon your expertise. We imagine that we are not the first strangers to Kraghammer to come through-- LAURA: -- in the last few weeks. TALIESIN: In the last few weeks. We believe one of our compatriots had some dealings with you, perhaps not as pleasant as the dealings we are hoping to have. SAM: A lady, in fact. LAURA: A halfling. MATT: At which point, as you say that, he gets this grin to his face and goes, "Aye, I know of the one you speak." LAURA: Yes. MATT: "She is a strong-headed one, that one." TALIESIN: Yes. MATT: "She stepped on a few toes around this place." ORION: Oh, was she clumsy? MATT: "One could say that, aye. You say you are compatriots of hers?" TALIESIN: We're here to mend any broken bridges, so to speak. MARISHA: Or broken toes, if you will. MATT: "She certainly left a mess in her wake. There's this strange vision quest she kept talking about. It brought her into atmospheres-- portions of this city, portions of my business that she has no right trespassing on. She went against Carver rules, she broke away from partial arrest and she went screaming down into the caverns of our mines without my permission, blade drawn on some crazed suicide mission." LAURA: You know what? We'll go after her. We'll bring her out. We'll get her out of your mines. MATT: "Great. I'd like that actually." LAURA: Good! TALIESIN: We'd be happy to clear out anything unpleasant that we happen to find in there in the meantime." ORION: How did she look? TRAVIS: What? MATT: "She looked small and angry. She seemed to have some weight to her. She was a strong lass." ORION: So not a looker is what you are saying. MATT: He gives you this strange look and goes, "I will not discuss the physical aesthetics of a halfling." SAM: The dwarf is a feminist. LAURA: How much would this task be worth to you? Obviously we are doing you quite a favor and we brought you quite a gift! SAM: This cost us a thousand gold. MATT: "Obviously this lass means a lot to you, doesn't she?" LAURA: No, but I know she is probably wreaking havoc on your mines. LIAM: We've come to correct the wrongs that she's done and come to bring her home. MARISHA: It also sounds like there are some other terrible things wreaking havoc on your mines. MATT: "There is nothing going on, we're fine. We have everything under control, we don't need your help for that. If you want to find your friend, go find her! If she is still alive. If not, take her corpse back and leave." TALIESIN: It's not help, sir. We are simply respecting you as a businessman. As a businessman I'm sure that you would disagree with unceremonious charity whether it would be to give it or receive it. We are making sure that our dealings with you are fair and balanced. MATT: "I appreciate your offering. You have bought your time. Now, if you are here to go find your friend, I'll let you pass. You may pass into the mine, but if at any moment you cross over to any sort of thieving bullshite--" Looks over at you. "I recommend--" (laughter) "I recommend-- that you fall down the same path your friend likely did and get killed real quick. I don't take kindly to those who cross on my business." TALIESIN: I doubt that we could find anything of more value that what we have already brought you. LIAM: We are here to right wrongs and I promise you, our business is finding her and returning home." MATT: "Then go." LAURA: Is that our business? TRAVIS: Yeah, we are here to right wrongs and right lefts. TALIESIN: And write comment cards. MARISHA: Wait, before we dive into this mountain-- we know that there's ghouls and god knows what else down there. Shouldn't we find out? ORION: Yes, we should. Maybe some arcane house could tell us how to deal with these things. LAURA: Yes. Do we have permission to enter within the next few days? Obviously we might need to be prepared. ORION: Yes, do we have badges that we wear over so that they know--? MATT: "I'll speak with the men. They'll let you down. If you come back, good on you. I think our business here is done." TALIESIN: Yes. MATT: At which point, you hear muffled in the distance a loud ringing of a very loud bell. (dinging) At which point, he perks up a bit. "Our business here is done. Please, shove off." SAM: Which way do we go? MATT: He looks over to the two other guards who are up front. The two Carvers say, "This way." LIAM: While he is talking I take a flask out of my cloak and approach the barrel and surreptitiously pour a little bit of it into the flask. MATT: Sleight of hand check. SAM: You're stealing beer?! ORION: No, because we have to give it to those guards. SAM: Fuck those guards, I can kill them all. LAURA: Can I talk to good old Nostoc while he's doing that? MATT: He currently does not seem like the talkative type at the moment, you can certainly try. TALIESIN: I am going to make a fumble. I am going to attempt to assist a sleight of hand with a bit of a fumble. MATT: He has already rolled it. LAURA: Damn it. I am going to fall down. In front of Nostoc. SAM: Oh! LIAM: 13. LAURA: I am going to fall down in front of Nostoc. MARISHA: Come on! TALIESIN: He is distracted by a bell. MATT: As you fill your flask-- TRAVIS: Shit. Balls. Ass. MATT: You hear this loud-- (clears throat). LAURA: Ow, oh my ankle! It hurts so very much. MATT: This is the first time you have witnessed the pristine, delicate yet well trained palm of a dwarven hand go straight to its forehead. LIAM: I carry the flask up to his cup and refill it and say: In my kingdom when a deal is set we drink together. I would like, not much, but to pour us all a drink and agree, surely this cask is weeks' worth of drink-- MATT: "Get out of my office." MARISHA: Take the flask, take the flask. LIAM: I can see it is a cultural difference, my apologies. ORION: Stop it. Just go! What are you doing? LIAM: You're one to talk! ORION: I'm on the earring. MATT: A second and a third bell starts going off and the guards that are waiting for you guys. They're like-- They start leading you outside and as you make your way outside the main building, you can now hear voices shouting, down in the quarry below. LAURA: I lean down to one of the guards and say: What is that bell for? MATT: "Something is flushing out of the quarry." LAURA: Flushing, what does that mean? MATT: "We don't know." Some of the guards are motioning each other to follow and some of them start going down to one of the tracks that leads down to one of the nearest quarry below. TALIESIN: Just try and like practically usher our guards in that direction, since they seem to want to go in that direction. Let's see if we can push them in that direction. MATT: Okay, you guys follow down towards the quarry, you ask the guard that question and he goes, "I don't know, we've had quite a few interesting things come through." LAURA: Like what? Oh, like what? MATT: He swallows and says, "Things I can't describe." TALIESIN: Well, we can certainly help, lead on. MARISHA: Is there anybody running out? MATT: Not yet. As you head halfway down the quarry walkway, you begin seeing dwarves start running out of one of the large quarry tunnels. MARISHA: I grab one of them. MATT: Well, they're quite a distance from you. You're still walking down the side. They're a good 100 feet from you. They start running at you, you see blood streaking down one of their faces. TRAVIS: Yes! MATT: They're charging out, one of them has a weapon and is limping, and you start seeing small green scampering things rushing through. One, two, three, four, six, ten goblins come rushing out of the tunnel. SAM: Ah, I don't like these guys. LAURA: We should attack them! I string my bow. MARISHA: Don't you have family history with them? MATT: The three dwarves that are running out, one of them gets hacked down by one of the goblins and jumps on them and is tearing his neck. TALIESIN: I take a shot. Right now. LAURA: I take a shot. I shoot it! MATT: Okay, both you guys roll-- LIAM: I throw a dagger. MATT: You throw a dagger? Three of you, roll for attack. TALIESIN: 19. LAURA: 15. ORION: Is there a clear area where there's a bunch of goblins running? MATT: There is an open funnel towards the tunnel. ORION: I'm going to throw a little Fireball, right there where those guys are. MATT: Okay, you guys you all hit from this distance because goblins are puny little things. They're still a little small to see, but you're all pretty well trained and pretty honed with your aim. You fire simultaneously, gunshot echo through the hallway, arrows, flying dagger, you see three goblins fall off a nearby dwarf who goes, "Thank--" At which point a large fireball explodes, killing off about ten or so of the goblins and probably two of the dwarves. ORION: Sorry about that! MATT: The guards stopped. SAM: Did you do that? ORION: Yeah. SAM: Fuck. MATT: They they start looking around and they see you pull out your weapons and they all take a step back and realize they don't want to die either. "Well go, if you're going to help, go!" TALIESIN: We run straight in. MATT: With you guys charging in, you can now see a handful more goblins are rushing out. They are like running really fast, sprinting. MARISHA: I throw Entangle up, in the distance wherever they're coming from. MATT: Okay, what's the radius on that? MARISHA: Like a hundred feet. MATT: That's the range. What is the radius? MARISHA: Oh, 20-foot radius. MATT: Okay. You find a portion of the central point where the things exit from the tunnel and these strange reddish vines begin to protrude and to begin to grab nearby goblins and pull them up in this massive, weird vine creature. You hear (stomping) and you now see two larger ogre-like creatures come storming out. MARISHA: Oh, shit! ORION: Wonderful! MATT: Everyone roll initiative. (cheering) MARISHA: Oh, fuck. Goddamn it. TALIESIN: Oh yeah! TRAVIS: Take it! MATT: All right, do we have initiatives 25 to 20? TALIESIN: 27. ORION: 21. LAURA: Wait! I didn't roll yet. MARISHA: You rolled a 20? TALIESIN: I rolled a 20 plus seven. MATT: 21, you said? ORION: I have 21. MATT: 21 for Tiberius. What did you get? One? Aw. MARISHA: Oh, I rolled a two. LIAM: It's six with the plus. SAM: Fellows. I don't like goblins. LAURA: 18. MATT: You now see Scanlan, who's usually a jovial individual, his eyes begin to tense with fury. SAM: I don't like goblins. MARISHA: Is there anything that you know? SAM: No, they will all die. Don't spare any of them. TRAVIS: Copy that. LAURA: 18. MATT: All right, so we have-- TRAVIS: 18, too. TALIESIN: 27! LAURA: What?! TRAVIS: Yeah, buddy. TALIESIN: I have 27 initiative. MATT: 15 to ten? Ten to five? Six. TALIESIN: Wow, oh my god. SAM: I got a three. MATT: Okay. All right. MARISHA: Four. LIAM: It was a sudden attack, man. SAM: We weren't ready. MATT: You got a three. MARISHA: To be fair I just cast Entangle. It works. I'm distracted holding Entangle. MATT: Yeah, it's fine. Then we have Scanlan. I'll get you guys in placement here, as your bear is currently back at the inn. LAURA: He is still? MATT: Unless you wanted to bring him along. LAURA: Well, I thought I brought him. I should have mentioned that. MATT: All right, we'll say you brought him along. That's fine. LAURA: I'm sorry, I should have emphasized that more. MATT: That's all right. Those of you going first, we're going to keep you on the field here. LAURA: Oh god. MATT: A number of goblins that are currently held over here. LAURA: They're easy. Goblins are easy. Orcs are not. TRAVIS: Yeah, those are mine. LAURA: Ogres?! MATT: Top of the round, Percy you're up. TALIESIN: I'm sitting down and I'm busting out Bad News. MARISHA: Bust out Bad News! MATT: Percy stops just as he gets to the quarry, a little bit elevated, and he pulls out from a small sack on his back this large elongated contraption, this weird construction that looks similar to the pepperbox he usually carries, but much larger and cumbersome. He sets it up on the ground with a small stand at the front and preps itself with a visual point. TALIESIN: Ogre. MATT: Ogre back here? TALIESIN: Yep. MATT: All right, roll for your attack with Bad News. MARISHA: Have you used it before? TALIESIN: Nope, first time. MATT: His own tinkered construction, Bad News. TALIESIN: That's a 30 attack. MATT: Yep, that'll do it. Go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: Does that critical for you? TALIESIN: 19 actually might. MATT: Natural 19? TALIESIN: Natural 19. MATT: Yeah, that should critical for you. TALIESIN: That does critical for me. I've never criticaled with this either. What does that mean? MATT: That means the damage dice you double. Roll for damage, double that, and add your modifier after that. MARISHA: Come on! Big money, no whammies. Yeah! Hell yeah! TALIESIN: (counting) 27 points of damage. TRAVIS: Get after it, big man! MARISHA: Is that doubled? TALIESIN: That's doubled. MATT: You guys hear this cacophonous, large blasting sound, a flash of blue energy and sparks shoot out the back of the weapon. It actually lifts Percy off the ground for a second and he shifts himself from the sheer blast. This streaking, heated bullet, reddish, white hot, goes cascading through the air, plunges into the side of the ogre's shoulder with a smattering of blood splattering against the cave behind it. It's actually moved back a step and has to catch itself. Slams its club into the ground. That ends your turn? TALIESIN: I can't do anything after that. That's just reload. MATT: Tiberius, you're up. ORION: I move within 60 feet of those big fellows. TALIESIN: Bad news travels far and fast. MARISHA: Nothing travels faster. MATT: This is the entanglement, by the way. LAURA: Oh, okay. ORION: Right before there. MATT: Everything there is fighting from the entanglement. Most of these goblins are currently inside of it. ORION: I'm going to shoot a Scorching Ray at the big guy. MATT: Both of them? SAM: He said he moved within 60 feet of them. MATT: You moved up to here? All righty. MARISHA: They're all entangled, yeah? ORION: That's good right there. MARISHA: Still have Entagle up. MATT: These guys here are entangled. These front goblins are not. Scorching Ray you said at which ones? ORION: Actually, oh there's a bunch of those dudes, aren't there? I'm going to do a Fireball instead, right in the center of the juiciness where I can get a couple little guys and both the big guys. MATT: All right, so I'd probably about there would be where you'd want it. ORION: I'm going to do that, and I'm going to spend two sorcerer points immediately to do quickening spell and do another spell right after that. MATT: Okay. As you rush up, you pull back your hand and you see the arcane red energy begin to flow in your palm. You then throw the beam out, and it arcs, slams into the center, and explodes hitting each of these five goblins and the two ogres. What's your DC on your spell? ORION: My DC on my spell is-- MATT: Top of your spell page on the right. ORION: Oh! Wait. Oh! 17, sorry. MATT: 17, okay. Wow! The two ogres actually make their saving throws. LAURA: Ugh! MARISHA: Boo! MATT: They got 18 and a 19. TRAVIS: Roll crappier, ogres! MATT: The goblins, however, all disintegrate. LAURA: All of them? MATT: There's no way they're going to survive the damage you-- they (poofing). You see this hint of a red ash mist go, (squeaking) where they once were, and they are all turned to black nothingness. However, roll damage for the ogres. They get half damage because they made their reflex save. So 8d6 damage. SAM: 8d6. (counting) 27! TRAVIS: What?! MATT: 27, so half that. As the blast of fire dissipates, you can see one of the ogres is now burnt on half of its chest. Looking a little rough. There's blood streaking down from the side of his face where the shrapnel got thrown at him. The other ogre's looking okay. ORION: He's a large creature isn't he? MATT: Yes. ORION: I'm going to use my second spell and do Telekinesis and pick one up and try to hurl him into the other one. MATT: Okay. Which one? The one left here? ORION: The one that's beaten up already. SAM: I'm hard right now! MATT: He does fail his saving throw. You lift him up in the air and throw him into that. That ogre is knocked prone by the impact. ALL: Yeah! MATT: The other one is also knocked prone. Before (splatting) into the wall, both of them slam to the ground. MARISHA: With my vines, I make sure my vines really grapple him. ORION: I turn to Grog: They're all yours, buddy! MATT: Go ahead and roll 2d6 impact damage for the force of the throw. ORION: Sweet! Impact damage? Ten. MATT: Ten damage to each of them? ORION: Yeah. MATT: All right. Both of the ogres are now on the ground reeling from the impact. That brings us to Grog and Vex going simultaneously. TRAVIS: Ladies first. LAURA: Oh! Well, all right. I'm going to cast Hunter's Mark on the most damaged one. MATT: Okay, that'd be this one here. LAURA: All right. Then I'm going to shoot Lightning Arrow. MATT: All right. Do you want to move a little closer? LAURA: Yes, I do. MATT: All right. That would put you right there. LAURA: All right, cool. I'm going to shoot Lightning Arrow at them. MATT: Okay. You pull out your arrow and as you pull it back, a little bit of energy courses through your fingers, strikes through your arrow. You can now see this crackling energy as you're pulling it taut in your bow. You let it loose, roll for attack. LAURA: Okay! 21! MATT: 21 hits. LAURA: All right. Then I do something else. 1d8. Right? MATT: Yep. You do the damage of the arrow plus the damage of the spell. LAURA: Holy moly! So that's this. 13 for the arrow and then 4d8 for the spell. (counting) 17! MATT: 17. Okay. The ogre that's been beaten, blasted by the fireball, it's getting up-- (grunt). It grabs its club, and it begins to get up on one leg as the Lightning Arrow slams into its chest. You can see it hits. Looks down for a second, and then the charge pulses through its entire torso. As it does, it screams out, "Ugh!" into the cavern, its whole muscle system locks tight and it falls forward again, onto its chest, smoke rising off of its whole upper area, unmoving, on the ground. He is gone. TRAVIS: Dang! Come on now! LAURA: Yes! Then the other one takes 2d8 if he fails his saving throw. MATT: Which, with a one, he does. LAURA: Yes! Oh, he fails it so good. MATT: Go ahead a roll damage for other ogre. LAURA: Two. ten. MATT: Ten damage. Nice. As he falls to the ground, the arc arcs over to the other one who drops his club for a second. Picks it up angrily. LAURA: I can reassign my Hunter's Mark to him now? MATT: You can. LAURA: Yes. MATT: Yes, all right. That brings us to-- LAURA: Oh, my Hunter's Mark! I didn't do my Hunter's Mark damage. But it doesn't matter. He's dead. MATT: It doesn't matter. You killed him. LAURA: All right, cool. MATT: You just ultra killed him! (valley girl voice) He is so dead. Oh my god. This ogre is done. (normal voice) All right. The other ogre's angry. It's now the goblins' turn. These goblins rush up. They are dashing forward. MARISHA: (valley girl voice) They are so dead. TALIESIN: (valley girl voice) They're just, like, dead. This one moves around, and this one runs around to there. No attacks. Everyone make an insight check. SAM: Insight check? Oh shit. MARISHA: What happened? Why are we doing this? TALIESIN: I literally get a one. TRAVIS: (sings) Natural 20! On an insight check. MARISHA: 20 total. 20. LAURA: 22. ORION: Four. TALIESIN: Natural one. I'm really not paying attention. MATT: You're dealing with the fact that you just fired your gun for the first time and it burned your hands a little. You're like "Ugh!" SAM, MATT: Grog. TRAVIS: Recites poetry. MATT: Grog is familiar with one thing, fear in the eyes of his enemies. Looking at these goblins, they're not charging to attack. The attacks seem to be instinctual. They are running. MARISHA: Oh, no! MATT: They are scared. LAURA: Yes! MATT: They are fleeing from something. SAM: From the ogres? TRAVIS: Something behind the ogres. LAURA: Oh, no. SAM: May I make a request that you kill them anyway? TRAVIS: It's like playing croquet at this point, so yes. (laughter) MATT: Grog, it's your turn. TRAVIS: I would like to rage! And I would like to move to the right of all those stinking goblins! MATT: Right over here? TRAVIS: Yeah, a little more to the right. Yeah, a little more. Yeah, keep going. All the way flanking it there. Yeah. Yeah, and then I would like to give them the cleanest shave possible with my greataxe. MATT: All right. Go ahead and roll for attack on the first one. TRAVIS: 18 plus eight. That's 26? MATT: That definitively hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: Oh, damage, crap. LIAM: (sings) Decapitation! TRAVIS: Two plus the four. 13! MATT: 13? Okay. As you rush up, you bring your axe into the first goblin to your right (whoosh) clean. You don't even feel resistance. You hear this little (wheeze) sound as this being is bisected. TRAVIS: Oh, that was cute. MATT: Its head and upper torso rolling off to the side before rolling to a stop. However, the inertia of your axe still keeps through to the one on the other side of you. Go ahead and roll for your second attack on that. TRAVIS: 21! MATT: Also hits, go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: Oh, that was eight plus seven is 15! MATT: As you cleave through the first goblin, you swing around, another goblin looks up at you, scared, and pulls a dagger out with its gnarled tongue, (hisses), at which point the axe embeds itself straight into its face. Its angry face goes, "Ugh!" and falls slack against your blade. You lift backward, and it's stuck to the edge of your axe. Just limply dangling against-- you shake it off a little bit. TRAVIS: Double prizes! Yeah! MATT: Great. That ends your turn. The thing about rage is that you can use your bonus action for a third attack. If you wanted to do a frenzy action, but you don't need to. That brings us to the ogre's turn. The ogre gets up, let's see if it makes its saving throw for an attempt to get out. It does with an 18. However, the ogre gets about that far. It's going to make a double move. LAURA: Double move?! TALIESIN: He's running. MARISHA: I still have Entangle up. MATT: I know. He managed to resist it. LAURA: He saved against it. MATT: It's a big ogre. MARISHA: Poop. MATT: The ogre takes his full turn to get up in melee with you guys. It does not have its attack since it used its full movement there. Once again, you see as it's lumbering forward, it also has this look in its eye of desperation. SAM: Oh crap. ORION: We should just let it pass. MATT: Now it is Vax's go. LIAM: My sister's right in the face of the ogre, correct? MATT: Correct. LIAM: Excellent. I'm going to take a run towards my sister, since she's right close to him, he's distracted so I'm going to turn just as I get to her, so my back presses against hers and swing around and sneak attack two daggers up in his belly. LAURA: We've practiced this, I turn. MATT: All right. As you dodge to the side, this blur of shadow and speed, you coast up to the side of your sister, dagger both plunge towards the side of the ogre. Go ahead and roll for an attack. LIAM: All right. One. Then the other one I do a poison dagger, gets a (singing) 20! TRAVIS: Oh, put it on him brother! MATT: All right. LIAM: That is dagger of venom, 1d4. Three, plus two is five, and then is the sneak attack damage go with--? MATT: Yeah it does because you have another ally adjacent to it. You don't get advantage on the attack roll, but you can still do the sneak attack. LIAM: Critical hit, too, as well, wouldn't it? MATT: Yeah! You can multiply the sneak attack damage. LIAM: Five, plus- and the double goes to the sneak attack damage? MATT: It does. Modifiers don't double, but any dice you roll double. LIAM: Nine, 15-- MATT: In my game. (clicks tongue) LIAM: So 30 plus five, 35. MATT: 35 damage. LIAM: Plus poison. MATT: The poison's not going to factor in. You swing past her, both blades jam right into the side of its rib cage. You hear it howl out in pain. As it does, you twist the daggers in a way where both blades are now going in two different directions, and you carve out a section of its entire abdomen. As you do, the flesh, like whale blubber, sloughs off the sides of it. Organs spill out, intestines, and it looks down and tries to pull them back in. You see the color draining from its face, and you lean up and kick it down. The ogre and falls to the ground lifeless, destroyed. TALIESIN: You gave him just enough time to regret everything that had ever happened. MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: Well done. Bad life choices. MATT: That brings us to Keyleth. MARISHA: I didn't call my mom enough. LAURA: There are two goblins left? MATT: There are two goblins left. MARISHA: Okay. I do a quick sprint jog up up towards Grog and go (boof) and bring up a big stone wall. Right where that entrance is. MATT: Right here? MARISHA: No. Like, right where things are pouring out. MATT: Right, here? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: All right, Wall of Stone. MARISHA: Wall of Stone-- boom. MATT: All right. A giant wall of stone now completely seals off that part of the mine. MARISHA: We don't know what's in there, we should talk about this for a second, and I bought us some time. I'm sure it's going to try to beat through that door in a second. MATT: I'm going to say that you moved up to there with your movement. All right, I'd say probably over here, not right next to the goblins and that will give you enough range. Okay, so the wall of stone-- (boom) MARISHA: Are there any guards around still? Any dwarven guards? MATT: They are all watching you do this now. They don't want to put their lives at risk, and you guys seem intent on getting into the middle of this battle, so they are going to sit back and let you do it. MARISHA: I throw up my wall and turn around and I say: What's coming?! Tell us! You know what's coming. What's coming?! MATT: Make an intimidation check. LAURA: Keyleth, you are so hardcore. MARISHA: I'm not good at this. SAM: You speak goblin? MARISHA: Oh, four. (laughter and groaning) (tearfully) What's coming? TALIESIN: Make a pity roll. MATT: A very gentle attempt at intimidation, however, the message gets across. The guards look at you, taken off guard. MARISHA: We are about to die. It is in your best interest to tell us. MATT: "We don't know! It's been different things. Strange abominations. It's hard to describe. They're put together. Something's making things down there." MARISHA: What kind of things? From where? MATT: As they're talking, you hear a (boom) against the stone. TALIESIN: (clicking) Sitting down. TRAVIS: I bring out my blade. MATT: The stone cracks, and you can see a noticeable crack and an audible (cracking). LIAM: I'm running right now diagonally towards the wall and I press against the wall. LAURA: Oh, good call. I do the same thing on the other side. MATT: Okay, so you come over here. Do you want to bring Trinket with you? LAURA: Yeah! MATT: All right. TALIESIN: You're all so fancy. MARISHA: I cast Stoneskin on myself. LAURA: We're stealthing, I'm stealthing. MATT: Roll stealth both of you. ORION: How tall are the walls? I mean the ceiling. MATT: Oh, the ceiling right now is the rest of Kraghammer for the most part. TRAVIS: Hundreds. MATT: Yeah, it is a huge ceiling. TRAVIS: What's in the middle? Are those fires? MATT: These are braziers here. By the way, Stoneskin goes, this disappears. TRAVIS: The entanglement? MATT: Yeah, the entanglement is gone. There are minecarts, some rocks, there is a smashed cart over here from when the ogre barreled through. This is a piece of stone that rises about 15 feet, and these are both braziers for light in the center of the area. Yeah, it's hundreds and hundreds of feet up. You can look up to the very top of Kraghammer from here. ORION: Okay, that's fine. MATT: Whatcha got? Well, let's see. Keyleth, that's your turn, Stoneskin and moving up. Anywhere else you want to go? Right now, we're technically not in combat. SAM: Right. We're out of combat. MATT: Briefly. TALIESIN: I'm breathing deep, taking aim at the wall, resetting everything. MARISHA: Can I move up behind that pillar? MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I'm staying far back at the moment. MATT: Back here. Both of these goblins-- I'll just say that you guys end up taking them down. It's not even a question. You step on them and crush them. TRAVIS: Are there any dwarves that we can say to go get Ballsack and bring him down? MATT: You can. LAURA: Oh yeah, Balgoos! Balgus. MATT: Balgus? You tell them, "Get Balgus!" and they're like, "Who?" Some of them have set crossbows up by the way. They're barreling down to get ready to fire at whatever comes through. (impact) Another crack in the wall. You can see the dust settle as the stone cracks again and a large piece at the top tumbles off. The stone wall's probably not going to hold another impact. Anybody else want to move anywhere? TALIESIN: Just taking aim. SAM: I'll move up to the right near where Grog is. No one's has taken any damage yet, right? MATT: Not currently, no. You guys have had a pretty clean sweep into this battle, so far. SAM: I can't inspire anybody here? Now? MATT: You can inspire anybody. Just give them a dice. SAM: Can I inspire everyone? MATT: You can spend all your uses to inspire as many people as you have the uses of it. MARISHA: I still have mine that I haven't used yet. SAM: I'll inspire Vex and Vax and Grog. (singing) I think you're really handsome and nice! You're going to have inspiration dice! TRAVIS: Thought you were going to have a little-- LAURA: I know, some beautiful song for us! Wait, what for all of us? We all get a d8? MATT: Each of you has to have a single d8 dice, inspiration dice. The bardic inspiration is flowing through you, that you can use to add to an attack roll, not damage. You can add it to an attack roll, a saving throw. SAM: (plays tune on electric piano app) MATT: There you go. That's what a shawm sounds like, apparently. You can use it on attack roll, a saving throw, or an ability check. Any skill. Tiberius, are you going to stay where you are, are you moving anywhere? Last chance. ORION: Is that cover right there next to me? MATT: Right over here? Yeah. ORION: I'll get behind the cover. I'm going to peek out and I'm going to cast Blur. MATT: Okay, Stoneskin goes away. ORION: I can't do both? MATT: Nope. They're both concentration spells. ORION: Okay, I leave Stoneskin. MATT: Okay, Stoneskin stays on. At which point (boom) the stone breaks through scattering across the ground. Immediately bursting through-- TRAVIS: What the fuck is that? LAURA: What is it? MATT: A bulbous, oversized, naga-like creature. You've encountered a naga before, which is a large serpentine creature with a humanoid head. However, this one is swollen, it is bulbous. The way it moves looks unnatural and it has affixed to it not one, not three, but five other different colored naga heads stitched to its body. It is a seriously terrible abomination. As it breaks through the stone, (hisses and growls) all the heads rear back. MARISHA: Do naga heads do something if you look at them? MATT: We're beginning back at the top of the initiative order. TRAVIS: Oh shit! LAURA: Wait! I got a question! My Hunter's Mark, can I transfer it to that thing or do I have to-- MATT: Correct, you can, yes. Because this still part of the encounter. LAURA: Sweet! MATT: That is now marked with the Hunter's Mark. Percy, you're up first. TALIESIN: Do I have to take new aim or can I have myself already trained on-- MATT: You've had a moment to train. You haven't seen the creature until it just burst out, so it would take you a round to aim. TALIESIN: I'm taking my round to aim. MATT: Okay, so you're aiming. That brings us to Tiberius. ORION: What did you just do? TALIESIN: I just took aim. Took aim. Just a gun. LAURA: Did we roll initiative again? MATT: I'm keeping the same initiative order. TALIESIN: This gun doesn't do anything fancy. Just shoots really far, really hard. ORION: Okay! I'll do a Scorching Ray. MATT: Scorching Ray, all right. It makes a saving throw. It does not! Rolled a two, so full damage on it. ORION: Two-- four. Let's shoot two of them right now, right, three of them? MATT: It's an aimed ray attack? ORION: Yeah. MATT: Then you have to roll for the attack. Roll a d20 and add your-- TRAVIS: Roll high, roll high. MATT: Top of your spell page. ORION: Oh! That's 23. MATT: 23? 23 hits. ORION: Yes, okay. Then that's 2d6. That's 12. MATT: 12 points of damage to the naga. That brings us to-- ORION: Wait. I roll for the second shot, right? MATT: Yeah. ORION: Okay, and that's a natural 20. (cheering) MATT: Okay, so you fire one beam off and it slams into the side of one of the naga heads. The second you bring back and as you do there's a flicker of arcane instability. His arm shakes as he releases the surge of scorching energy as it blasts into the side of the naga. Also, does not make a saving throw again! Roll full damage. TRAVIS: Holy shit, Tiberius. TALIESIN: Oh my god. ORION: 12. MATT: 12? ORION: Yeah. MATT: Multiplied? Or did you roll a 12? ORION: I rolled a 12. MATT: 12. Times two. 24 points of damage. ORION: Oh! I'm terrible at math! Stay in school, kids! MARISHA: This is a good time to note our charity, 826LA. SAM: Not yet. Don't donate yet. Donate next week. MATT: Next week, you can donate to then. All right, so that brings us to the end of Tiberius' turn. You want to move at all, are you staying where you are? ORION: I'll stay right here. MATT: Grog and Vex, you're up. TRAVIS: Ladies first. LAURA: Oh! Me! Okay, I'm going to shoot-- oh god, I didn't realize I was going so fast. MATT: What did you roll for stealth, by the way? LAURA: What? MATT: What did you roll for stealth, by the way? LAURA: I rolled a 20 for stealth! MATT: Then yeah, he has no idea you're there. LAURA: Sweet! MATT: He sees the bear going (growling). LAURA: Okay. Trinket's going to hang out because I don't want to-- you know. I'm going to shoot Conjure Barrage. No, I'm just going to shoot him twice. MATT: All right, go for it! LAURA: All right. MATT: Arrow once, arrow twice, Legolas style. LAURA: I am going to do the fire arrow thingy at it. MATT: Okay, so using your bowstring. LAURA: The blazing bowstring. Thank you, Tiberius! MATT: That he created and crafted! All right so as you pull the second arrow out you nock it. As you let it, go it bursts into flames arcing halfway through the air. LAURA: Okay. MATT: What was your to hit roll on that? LAURA: 21? MATT: 21 hits! LAURA: Oh wait, that's four plus seven is 11. SAM: Don't forget your inspiration! MATT: Well inspiration dice is to hit. SAM: Oh, okay. LAURA: 11. MATT: 11 points of damage. LAURA: For the first one, plus for the blazing bowstring I can turn any arrow into a flaming arrow, doing additional ten fire damage. I'll roll that right now, which is this. Which is a seven! MATT: An additional seven, so 18 total damage and that arrow (impact) in the side of its body. One of the serpent heads reels back from the pain. It begins snatching at where the arrow's now protruding from it, trying to break it off. LAURA: Then I'm going to roll again! That's a 24! MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: Awesome. That's an eight. MATT: Grog, you're on deck. LAURA: Seven plus seven is 14! MATT: 14 damage, all right. Both arrows sink into it. Definitely piercing through the scales a little bit, but not sticking too deeply into its body; it's definitely a hearty creature. Grog, you're up! TRAVIS: Right, I would like to run around the other side of the rock, raging, spit flying out my of my mouth! I would like to use the chain of returning, also crafted by Tiberius, attach it to the end of the greataxe, and throw it from where I am at the snake. ORION: Yeah! MATT: He comes running around, rears back, and takes his double-handed great axe and lobs it overhand. The chain, that's wrapped around your wrist, keeping it attached to you, in some degree. Go ahead and roll for the attack. TRAVIS: Eight, nine, 17! MATT: 17? It just hits! TRAVIS: All right, nice. That is 15. MATT: 15 points of damage. The axe embeds itself pretty deeply into the torso. LAURA: Oh! I didn't do my Hunter's Mark. MATT: Roll Hunter's Mark damage right now. LAURA: Thank you, chatroom! Six! MATT: Six? Awesome. Six damage. All right. TRAVIS: This says, "An athletics-strength check is required to pull the weapon free, the DC 12?" MATT: Go ahead and roll an athletics check. TRAVIS: 12. MATT: Roll a d20. TRAVIS: Oh, a d20. MATT: It's a DC 12. TRAVIS: Shit. Balls. Taint. Five. MATT: Plus-- TRAVIS: Plus what? MATT: Plus your athletics! TRAVIS: Oh! That's bound to be good. Seven! It's 12! MATT: 12 is the DC! So yeah! TRAVIS: (elated laughter) MATT: You pull back the chain and as you do, the blade is resisting, it's stuck in the torso and it actually (whoosh) and flies back, and you barely catch it. TRAVIS: (nervous laughter) MARISHA: I love your joy sounds! TRAVIS: Meant to do that! Meant to do that of course. MATT: Now it's its turn. LAURA: Oh no! MATT: (bursts of wind) TRAVIS: Yeah, come on! SAM: What? Why me? No, that's not me. MATT: For its size, when it moves, it moves in a burst of lightning energy. It's too fast for its corpulent form. As it goes behind to Keyleth and Tiberius, it makes an attack with each of its five heads. Two on Tiberius, three on Keyleth. Remember, you guys have Stoneskin, so I believe you have resistance against damage, right? ORION: Oh yes, I do. MATT: All right. So. Against Keyleth, it's a natural 20. ALL: Oh no! MATT: That's a 12 plus seven, that's going to be a 19 to hit? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Natural 20 again. MARISHA: What the fuck! MATT: Two critical hits, and a hit on you. TRAVIS: What is this bullshit? MATT: On Tiberius, that's a 22 to hit and a 13 to hit. ORION: One does, one does not. MATT: Okay, cool. Against Keyleth, you take-- MARISHA: I'm glad I cast Stoneskin. MATT: I know. So you take half damage for these. Which is fine. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: That's two plus four, that's six, damage halved, you take three damage. Oh, sorry. Three multiplied by two because it's a critical. So you take six damage from the first strike. LAURA: That's nothing! Six damage. MATT: Not too bad. You take seven damage from the second strike, and another six damage from the 3rd strike. Actually, it would have been six, four and six. Because you have resistance on the damage because of Stoneskin. MARISHA: Six, four and six? MATT: Yes. However, make a constitution saving throw. As venom from the fangs of the naga begin to pulse into your bloodstream. MARISHA: I should have taken the poison resistance. He talked me out of it. What am I--constitution. MATT: Yeah, constitution saving throw. MARISHA: Fuck! MATT: Natural one? Natural one on the constitution saving throw. LAURA: Oh no! MARISHA: It's a bad day. MATT: You feel this burning pain pulse into your bloodstream, as your whole body doubles over from the pain. SAM: Keyleth dies in episode one. MATT: You suffer 31 points of poison damage. MARISHA: 31, on top of the six, four and six? MATT: Yep. TRAVIS: Are you okay? MATT: The poison damage is not halved because it is not a physical attack on your body. LAURA: Is Keyleth unconscious? SAM: No, she's okay. MATT: Tiberius you take 13 points of damage halved by Stoneskin so you take a total of seven. Also make a constitution saving throw. Whatcha got? ORION: It's a 16. MATT: 16, you manage to physically resist the poison in your system. You feel that slight tinge, the muscles tense, but then your dragonborn form begins to shrug off the effect of the venom. ORION: Can I turn to him and blow fire out of my nostrils? MATT: Sure. ORION: That's what I do. MATT: True dragonborn challenge. That brings us to Vax. LIAM: Okay, I start jogging backwards. MARISHA: Took me down to 16 hit points. LIAM: Can I sneak attack while prone? MATT: You're stealthed currently, so you would technically get a sneak attack, but you have to be in melee for you to get the other bonus. It would be sneak attack for this damage if you were to roll or if you were to throw a dagger at it, you would get the sneak attack. LIAM: Okay, so that means one throw instead of two? MATT: You can throw both daggers at it. LIAM: All right. I feel so inspired by Scanlan's bardic tunes-- SAM: (singing) Yeah! MATT: You can add it after you make the roll by the way. LAURA: If you do a really good roll then you don't need it. LIAM: Okay, 19 plus 11 is 30. MATT: Because you're a rogue, isn't that critical for you? LIAM: Yeah. Oh, yeah. MATT: Two criticals! LIAM: The other one, the other one is a 16 plus, plus-- is a 26. MATT: That also hits. You chuck both daggers out, they both arc around. You're used to throwing around-- LIAM: I meant to say I was aiming at its eye, the main head's eye. LAURA: No, you should've said that first. MATT: For flavor it's fine. Just go ahead, it's fine. LIAM: All right, four. LAURA: Four! LIAM: (counting) 20. 20 times--is 40 plus four. 44, that's the first dagger? MATT: Yeah, 44 damage. LIAM: 44. TRAVIS: Damn! MATT: Rogues, man. MARISHA: Help me. Help! LAURA: That's just one dagger? LIAM: That's just one. Four plus two is six. Is that sneak attack? No. MATT: No, only one sneak attack per turn. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: 40 and then six on the other one. MATT: One actually hit one of the heads, one of the various naga heads directly into its face. As it does it goes through both eyes and you can see it begin reeling from the attack. It's looking pretty rough, actually. The stitches beginning to come apart at some of the seams and you can see a black ichorous liquid spill out from some of the suture marks. LIAM: Just a reminder the daggers, folks, blink back to the belt on my waist. MATT: Because magic. Magic rogue shit. Keyleth, you're up. LAURA: Kill him! MARISHA: Okay, so I'm really upset, really hurting. Out of anger I take my staff and I go (bam) and I crack and do Thunderwave pushing him back 15 feet. MATT: All right. Makes the saving throw. He gets pushed back, so he takes damage, just half damage. MARISHA: Okay, 2d8. MATT: As you're setting up your gun it gets slammed right point blank to you. MARISHA: Oh sorry. It takes four damage. MATT: Four damage, all righty. MARISHA: Then I'm going to turn into an eagle. SAM: (laughs) As one does. MATT: We'll say for that, because I forgot to bring an eagle, you're now a-- (eagle sounds) MARISHA: And I fly away. TRAVIS: Away. (laughter) MARISHA: Far, far, away. ORION: Where are you going?! SAM: Tell our story, Keyleth. MATT: That's pretty great. MARISHA: Then I cry in the corner and rock back and forth a little bit. That's my turn. MATT: I forgot to mention you actually take half damage for the saving throw for the venom so you still would've taken 14 points of poison damage, so mark that. ORION: Okay. MATT: It is half damage on a save. That brings us to Scanlan. SAM: Can I bonus inspire myself? MATT: Because you're Scanlan I'll say, yes. You have such a high opinion of yourself that even you could inspire yourself. So yes, why not. SAM: (singing) It would help me to acquire some dice to inspire. (speaking) I inspire myself first and move five feet back so I'm on the same row as him. MATT: There? SAM: Not that far. MATT: There. SAM: Yes. Them I'm going to cast Lightning Bolt at him. MATT: Okay! Straight line that way? SAM: Straight line, that way. MATT: You don't have to roll to hit. You just roll damage on that. I make a saving throw. SAM: Oh! I didn't even need to inspire. MATT: What's your DC on the spell? Top of your spell list. ORION: 17. SAM: Thank you. MATT: 17? That's a failure on its saving throw. Go ahead and roll 8d6. LAURA: 8d6?! Kill him! MATT: Bards. Gets spells from other classes. TRAVIS: If you kill, I will take a shit on this table. SAM: (counting) LIAM: It's gone. SAM: 24! MATT: 24 points of lightning damage. SAM: Yes. (sings a high-pitched note) MATT: How do you want to do this? (yelling) MARISHA: Wait! Is this the first time you've-- SAM: I've never killed anything before! TRAVIS: Never killed anything in two years! LIAM: For the people at home, we live to hear Matt say: ALL: "How do you want to do this?" MATT: I let the player describe their victory. As you sing to yourself to bolster your arcane energy, you release a shear bolt of energy. How do you want to do this? SAM: The bolt of lightning begins in its tail and works its way up through its spine, slowly but painfully torturing it as it slowly, slowly feels the effect coursing through its evil body. MATT: Because of your bardic ability to actually shape sound from an arcane standpoint, a lightning bolt should be an instant flash of arcane energy, you actually cause it to crawl. You control it as it begins to cascade up the torso of this horrible abomination. As it does you can see the bolts splinter and destroy each suture wound as each of its heads begins to slough off the rest of the torso until nothing is left but the single head screaming into the air. As the bolt makes its way up the neck, its eyes burst out in a blast of energy. The body falls limp to the ground. SAM: Can it have a lightning bolt shaped in an "S?" MATT: A Scanlan-shaped lightning bolt is burned into the torso of the strange naga beast. TRAVIS: Well done, Scanlan, well done! MATT: The dust settles, the adrenaline still pumping in your system, Scanlan. All the rest of the dwarves begin stepping down, putting their crossbows down, looking down at the little gnome that created a storm from its hands. One of them pats him on the shoulder and goes, "Well done." SAM: Thank you. Just promise me you'll that tell Pike about this. MATT: "Okay?" SAM: Because it was really cool, right? MATT: "That was pretty cool." SAM: Okay, good. MATT: All the dwarves look into the tunnel that it came from and the one that you spoke to earlier goes, "So that's the kind of thing that's been coming out of there." LAURA: Lovely. MARISHA: Thanks for the heads up. TALIESIN: That was really helpful. MATT: We'll go ahead and leave the game there for the night. (cheering) Folks, well done. Hope you guys had fun watching our first ever Critical Role. That was a good time so we'll be here next week on Thursday. 7:00, though. Today was a special early edition because all of Geek & Sundry's going to South by Southwest. ZAC: Good job, dude! MATT: Dude, thank you, Zac! ZAC: This is so much fun. This is the most fun I've had all week now until I die of stress behind the camera. MATT: Good! That's good. ZAC: Guys, I hate to end it so abruptly but we're actually packing up the cameras that are filming me now, our unit, everything, lights, and getting on a plane and heading to South by Southwest. We may stream tomorrow, we may not, we're flying blind, we'll see what stuff looks like when we get there. Thank you guys so much and we'll be back next week, 7:00pm. Next week guys, it's going to be great. MATT: Thank you all for coming!	Arrival at Kraghammer	https://www.kryogenix.org/crsearch/html/cr1-1.html
# Critical Role Campaign 1 Episode 3 ## Strange Bedfellows MATT: Hey, everyone. Sorry about that little issue there. But thank you for your patience. I appreciate that. Going back over what had transpired previously. So the party was hired to go into Kraghammer seeking Lady Kima of Vord, who is a renowned folk hero, a halfling paladin of much renown, following Bahamut, the Platinum Dragon of justice and good, who went on a vision quest, apparently seeing some sort of evil brewing beneath Kraghammer, and went on her own to seek it and destroy it. Hasn't been seen for many weeks-- months, even -- since. And so the party has then gone into Kraghammer to attempt to locate her. After some conversing, some brawling, some interesting circumstances, they found information that she disappeared into the Mithril mines just underneath the lower circle of Kraghammer. They've since battled a few creatures, apparently these strange monstrosities are coming out of the mines recently. And they've had dwarven miners being taken and disappearing. They charged into the mines, found one of the series of tunnels that had broken into the mines from some other source, encountered a few umber hulks, were ambushed by some duergar, which are subterranean, dark, ashen grey-- TRAVIS: Dickholes. MATT: -- messed-up dwarves and an intellect devourer, which proceeded to blast Grog, reduce his intelligence to zero, and leave him catatonic and brain-dead. TRAVIS: (laughs) MATT: And that's where we left off. But we'll pick up that in a second. Let's go ahead and continue our introductions. We had Taliesin, now we have Marisha-- MARISHA: Yes! Hello, I am Marisha Ray, and I am Keyleth of the Air Ashari tribe. And I am the Circle of the Moon druid. Level nine. MATT: Mm-hm. TRAVIS: Wow. MATT: Orion? ORION: Hi! I am Orion Acaba. And I play Tiberius Stormwind, the dragonborn sorcerer. Level nine. Super badass. TRAVIS: Scaly. SAM: Oh hi, I am Sam Riegel. I play Scanlan Shorthalt, the level nine bard gnome, who is the handsomest and most charming of the group. (all laugh) TRAVIS: Scanlan Shorthalt. SAM: Scanlan Shorthalt. MATT: Yeah. Esquire. LAURA: The third. MATT: Yes, the third. LAURA: Hi! Oh, my brother is extra, extra stealth right now. TRAVIS: Yeah. LAURA: But I play Vex'ahlia, who is a half-elf ranger, and I have an amazing-- SAM: Ranger! LAURA: -- companion bear named Trinket, who is basically the coolest ever. And he's good at everything he does. I'm okay. But he's excellent. MATT: He's really, really good. Yeah. TRAVIS: I'm Grog Strongjaw. I'm a goliath barbarian, level nine. LAURA: Oh, I didn't say that. Level nine. TRAVIS: I have an intelligence of six normally, but now it's negative two. LAURA: Oh! TRAVIS: And my brain is made of applesauce. LAURA: Poor Grog! MATT: Liam, who is not here yet, but will be here shortly but-- TRAVIS: He's peeing. MATT: He is peeing, and what's-- ORION: Oh my god. TRAVIS: On a tree. MATT: And when he returns we'll get to his introduction as well. TRAVIS: Stealthily. MATT: And Ashley Johnson, who has missed the last couple of games because she's been filming, when she returns will be playing Pike. LAURA: Hey! TALIESIN: Hey! MATT: Who is a cleric. Our gnome cleric. Liam's arrived! Huzzah! LAURA: We're just introducing ourselves, that's all. MATT: Exactly! It's okay, we've had technical difficulties, so. ORION: Oh, hey, he made the introductions, folks. LAURA: Oh, hi, Mark, welcome to the game. LIAM: Oh, hi. MATT: Before we start too, just a couple quick announcements. A couple cool games that have come out recently that some of us have been involved with. Today was the launch of Pillars of Eternity, a completely awesome kind of successor to Baldur's Gate. Both me and Liam are part of that as well. Those who are playing through, I voice Aloth and Adair. Liam, if you remember any characters you voiced in it. LIAM: The guy. MATT: The guy. LAURA: (laughs) MATT: He voices the guy. We're scattered throughout the game so just-- If you can't get enough of us here, you'll be really hating our voices by playing through that. And then also, Orion-- ORION: Oh, yeah. On a more radder note, Final Fantasy Type-0-- you should play-- is out also. I play Nine. In that. MATT: Yeah. ORION: And Matthew Mercer plays Trey in it as well. MATT: Yeah. LIAM: I thought seven ate nine. LAURA: We're all pimping our shizz. ORION: Seven does maybe eat nine. Who knows? MATT: Oh. LIAM: I'm a dad. MARISHA: (laughs) I'm a dad. ORION: Who knows, but it's definitely a different take on any Final Fantasy you've ever played. And as a fan, I'm excited, so check it out, too. MATT: Yeah, it's legit awesome. So a lot of cool, exciting things. LIAM: Also, this one's in Tales from the Borderlands being awesome. LAURA: Oh, yeah. MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Episode two just came out. MATT: That's right! Congrats! LAURA: Yes. SAM: And I'll be playing at the Laugh Barn in St. Louis. (all laugh) ORION: Every Tuesday. SAM: Three. Three nights. Three nights sold out. ORION: Three nights. SAM: Opening for Carrot Top. ORION: Check it out. MATT: All right. Well, guys, let's go get down to brass tacks. So, last we left off, in a subterranean cavern with a deep underground river flowing through it. Pitch darkness. You managed to survive a conflict with two umber hulks, thanks to Polymorph and some good tactics. However, Grog then charged headlong towards a light source-- turned out to be a campfire across the way-- where he walked into an ambush by a few duergar which began shooting him with crossbow bolts. And an intellect devourer made him brain-dead. You guys-- LAURA: He's got nobody to blame but himself. MATT: Kind of, that's okay. Grog owns it-- as you can see by his glasses. So. (all laugh) MARISHA: I love those. MATT: So. We're beginning now as Grog has collapsed, face down on the ground, drooling. LIAM: The future's so bright. MATT: The last of the duergar have been blown off the cliff or destroyed. You all rush in, and find Grog not moving, not responding, not anything. TRAVIS: Somebody pretty give me CPR. LAURA: Don't talk. TRAVIS: Okay. SAM: Grog! Grog, can you hear us? LAURA: I rush down-- SAM: Can you feel us near you? LAURA: -- and slap him on the face a few times. MATT: You slap him. SAM: Nothing. MATT: You slap him. SAM: Nothing. MATT: You slap him. No response. SAM: Someone, quick! Draw a dick on his face! MARISHA: I also bend down and slap him a few times. (all laugh) And then I say, I knew it wouldn't work. I just-- Dammit, Grog! TALIESIN: I'm going to actually try a crude medical examination to see if I can-- SAM: Ooh, investigation check? TRAVIS: So here's your numbers. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: And yes! This is nice. 19. MATT: A 19 on the medicine? TALIESIN: On the medicine, yeah. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: You leave my prostate alone. (all laugh) TALIESIN: After I palpate the region. MATT: A thorough goliath cavity search later-- MARISHA: Ohh. MATT: You find some stray gold pieces. LIAM: There's where that pony went! TALIESIN: That's a very deep belly button you have there, my god! MATT: The goliath physicality's a little difficult. LIAM: Found the troll dick! LAURA: Ohh. MATT: Looking over him, and there's very little physical damage to him. He shrugs it off pretty easily. There's no notable sign or anything other than the fact that his eyes aren't reacting to anything. It looks like he is catatonic. TALIESIN: No bleeding from the ear? No bleeding from the nose? MATT: Nope. TALIESIN: I'm going to go take a look at the remnants of the brain creature. MATT: All right. What bits of the currently thawing chunks of it-- blasted apart by Tiberius' Glacial Blast-- It appears to be tougher than normal, but very similar to gray matter in appearance and texture. Other than these strange, kind of reddish-brown bestial legs that were once attached to its mid-section are now blown apart and cast to the ground. The whole texture seems very slimy and rubbery. LAURA: Ew. MATT: And it's much larger than any natural brain should be. It's probably-- When it was all in one piece, it would have been roughly about the size of a small dog. LAURA: Do any of us know anything about magic that could heal him? Like any spells. MATT: Do you? LAURA: I mean-- MARISHA: I think I might-- ORION: It's clear that when that brain thing hit Grog with his zapper thing, that it rendered him unconscious. I would assume that it is a magical creature, just based on the attack alone. LAURA: Thank you, Tiberius. MARISHA: Anything we should know? SAM: Excellent assessment, Tiberius. LAURA: Thank you. ORION: Quite right. TALIESIN: He got zapped and now he's unconscious. SAM: A shorter way of saying the same thing. LAURA: Maybe we should try-- Does anybody have any healing? I know Pike isn't here, but-- MARISHA: I-- ORION: You have something, don't you? MARISHA: I think I have a spell. That might be able to help. I don't know it right now though. We'd have to take a break. I'd have to pull out my books and relearn it. It takes some time. LIAM: How much time do you need? MARISHA: Need to sleep on it. LAURA: How-- Can we-- TRAVIS: As they talk, Grog slowly flatulates. (all laugh) (fart sound) SAM: It happens, it's natural. MATT: It's terrible. LAURA: Oh! It's another-- What is it? An ass cloud? Is that what it was? MATT: Yeah. SAM: Poo. Poo cloud. LAURA: Lovely. LIAM: Everybody make a constitution saving throw. LAURA: Yeah, a constitution saving-- ORION: How many entrances-- How many ways or edges where we are? Because it's like at the center, anyway-- MATT: Yeah, you're currently basically on the precipice of a large cavern that has multiple layers as the river kind of cascades off into multiple waterfalls. As far as you can see-- which isn't far good because there's no other light source beyond you guys-- the cavern just continues indefinitely for a good 60 feet and then just vanishes into darkness. LAURA: Well, maybe we should sleep. Try to camp for the time-- SAM: Well, we'll need to form a perimeter and someone will have to stand guard-- MATT: Well, currently you're holding a barely alive duergar hostage. LAURA: (gasps) Oh! Right! I forgot about that! SAM: Oh, we gotta interrogate. LAURA: We gotta interrogate him! Her. LAURA, SAM: It. MATT: It's a female. LIAM: Female. LAURA: And I can speak its language. MATT: You do. LIAM: Hers. MATT: You speak Undercommon. LAURA: Hers. MATT: First thing you note, too: it is female, and it takes a moment to register that because she is also bald on top. LIAM: It. Terrible. LAURA: Sorry. MATT: Nasty, pale, kind of sunken face. Eyes are completely clouded over and white, no pupils. Teeth are kind of yellow and gnarled and sharp. SAM: How close to death's door is she? LIAM: What's this? LAURA: What? LIAM: Thank you, sir. MARISHA: Oh my gosh. LAURA: Oh, thank you, wonderful people! CREW: There's more coming, this is the vegan pizza. ORION: Whoa! LAURA: What? ORION: Where's it coming? LAURA: Thank you, chat room! TRAVIS: Thank you, chat room. ORION: Chat room! SAM: Chat room? Chat room bought us a pizza? MARISHA: Thanks, guys! MATT: You guys are awesome! Thank you so much! LIAM: You knew I liked jalapenos. LAURA: Vegan pizza? Are you kidding me? MARISHA: And donuts! MATT: Oh yeah. TALIESIN: Pizza made it. LAURA: Look at those chocolate cakes! Oh. ORION: (laughs) Oh. SAM: All right, all right. This creature is very injured. I think we need to heal her just enough-- LAURA: Heal her? SAM: Just enough. LIAM: Not so fast, not so fast. LAURA: We'll heal her after she talks. LIAM: Is she unconscious? SAM: Why don't you make that bargain then-- LIAM: I've got dagger to her throat and I'm hold-- She's bald? MATT: Bald, yes. LIAM: All right, so I've got an arm around the top of her forehead in-- MATT: (hisses) LAURA: Don't kill her. I need her. LIAM: She's not unconscious, right? MATT: No. LAURA: I got up-- MATT: She's got a huge shoulder wound. LIAM: All right, I call my sister over. I'll hold her, you talk. LAURA: What did you do to our friend? MATT: "I didn't do anything. That was the brain's work." (chuckles) LAURA: What did the brain work do to our friend? MARISHA: Brain twerk? MATT: "Took care of your friend. He's gone now. He's all dead inside. Kaputski." LAURA: What are you here for? MATT: "Just creating a mess." LAURA: What should I fucking ask her? I say that in our language, not-- (all laugh) What should I ask? TALIESIN: How do we fix it? LAURA: How do we-- (lowers voice) How do we fix it? TALIESIN: There you go. MATT: "Bury your dead weight." LIAM: I press the blade a little tighter. MATT: "Ugh! Gah!" LIAM: Dig in. Maybe one hit point worth of-- LAURA: No, no! She's only got one hit point left. LIAM: She's only got one? MATT: She's got one hit point. LIAM: All right. LAURA: Don't do that! (all laugh) TALIESIN: Is she bleeding? MATT: Profusely. From the shoulder. TALIESIN: Oh! In that case, I'm going to cauterize the wounds. There's more than one way to make someone talk! LAURA: Ugh. TALIESIN: I'm going to shoot my gun off-- get it nice and hot right at the tip and start cauterizing the wounds. MATT: Okay so (gunshot). And the flash goes off. The sound of blast echoes throughout the entirety of the cavern. You can hear (echoing gunshot) cascade off. MARISHA: A little warning next time! MATT: He takes the barrel, slams it into the shoulder and the sizzling sound as she reaches back in pain. Make an intimidation check. TALIESIN: I'm intimidated. LAURA: What should we ask her? TALIESIN: Aha ha! 21! MATT: 21? All right. She's now, like, breathing heavy. ORION: I'm using my Mage Hand to poke her in the face. MATT: She's trying to move her face out of the way but she can't seem to avoid the mystical arcane finger pokes. (all laugh) TALIESIN: Look, we haven't got all day. How do we fix it-- LAURA: Who do you work for? TALIESIN: And who do you work for? MATT: "You fell, surface-slime. You've already fallen, and the Master's gathered the sheep. You shall all be harvested for K'varn!" ORION: Ah, is he a farmer? SAM: You can't understand her. Only she can. LAURA: You can't understand! ORION: Oh. LAURA: Who is K'varn? Does anybody know? SAM: No, is that a thing? Is that a person? LAURA: I don't know. I don't know. I've got-- TALIESIN: Can I roll history on that or is that--? LAURA: Who is K'varn? ORION: The Carvers! MATT: You can roll history, if you like. TALIESIN: All right. LAURA: Argh, who is K'varn? MATT: "K'varn is the one that rules these caverns. The one who guides us to take the surface back!" LAURA: To take the surface back? TALIESIN: A 14 in history wouldn't do anything? MATT: No. LAURA: Is K'varn the one making creepy zombie monsters? MATT: "K'varn likes to tinker with the fleshlings, yes." LAURA: Where is K'varn located? Point the direction. MATT: Looks over her shoulder back towards the darker part of the cavern where you guys haven't traversed. "Deep. Deep." SAM: What is K'varn? LAURA: What. Is. K'varn? MATT: "You'll see." LAURA: No, you'll tell me now. TRAVIS: Good question. LAURA: I slap her across the face. MATT: Argh! LAURA: Lightly! Not enough to make her lose a hit point. ORION: I poke her more! (all laugh) MARISHA: It's like a Three Stooges act. MATT: "My life is already forfeit." MARISHA: Oh! MATT: "I'm just relishing your faces, for they will be gnarled and twisted soon enough!" LAURA: Break her legs. Leave her here. MATT: You break her-- LAURA: Heal her. Maybe we should heal her-- MATT: (laughs) LAURA: And let her lay there. Is that evil? That's pretty evil. TRAVIS: What's your alignment? I mean-- LAURA: My alignment. I'm good. TALIESIN: She did just help-- MARISHA: Wait! Ask her if she's seen Nostoc. Or if they've seen-- LAURA: Oh yes! MARISHA: Or, yeah, if they've seen our paladin friend. Our little-- TALIESIN: Lady Kima. MARISHA: Lady Kima! LAURA: Before we end your life, tell us, have you seen a small halfling? MATT: You see a moment of recognition in the female duergar's face, and it's-- "There was a halfling, aye. She was foolish enough to come down here alone. She's dead now." SAM: (gasps) MATT: "We've taken her life and it was delicious." LIAM: I drag her to her feet. Walk her over to the edge of the cliff where the water is, and hold her. Knife still at her neck. Tell this one: Now's her last chance to give us anything useful to lead to her boss, I guess. LAURA: All right. It's your last chance. Give us something useful? And we'll end this painlessly. Don't, and we'll make you suffer. MATT: Make an intimidation check. LAURA: All right. Ooh, my new dice! Ooh! C'mon, baby! LIAM: I'm going to assist her by taking my other dagger and letting it drip poison down the blade. MATT: (laughs) LIAM: Advantage? Advantage? LAURA: Intimidation of 14? LIAM: Assist? MATT: Go ahead and roll dice. LIAM: Me? MATT: You, yes. LAURA: (squeaky voice) To assist me? LIAM: 19. MATT: 19. Okay, go ahead and roll again. LAURA: Oh. LIAM: Drip drip drip drip drip. MATT: I'm giving you the advantage on the roll because he has a blade to her now. LAURA: Oh, okay. Okay, still 14. MATT: Still 14. LAURA: I should've rolled my other one. To see. Just to see. MATT: She laughs and says: "Your friend's dead! All is lost! You came for nothing!" SAM: Can I tell if she's lying? Is it-- MATT: Make an insight check. SAM: Insight check? Oop. No. (laughs) LAURA: Okay, can I see if she's lying? MATT: You can also make an insight check as well. LAURA: All right, cool. LIAM: I can't understand what the-- What the hell's she saying? LAURA: Okay, that's way better! 24! MATT: 24. She is definitively lying through her teeth. LAURA: (gasps) MATT: Just to hurt you. LAURA: Yes! We know you're lying! (all laugh) MATT: "What?" LAURA: Yes! I don't know what else to ask her, guys. I don't know what else to ask her. TRAVIS: What are goblins afraid of? MATT: She looks at you for a second, goes, "Regardless, we have her. She's down below. And, soon enough, you'll see. You'll see what shall become of this halfling." LAURA: We'll rescue her! And we're going to kill your god! (all laugh) LIAM: I did it, I did it. MATT: An ichor spray comes across. SAM: Ugh! LAURA: That was the worst thing. TALIESIN: The most awkward throat-slitting I've ever heard of. SAM: That was very fast. MARISHA: We're going to kill your god. Wait. TALIESIN: Wait. MARISHA: Fuck it, just go with it! (all laugh) Commit! MATT: As the body goes limp in your hands, you kinda let it tumble over the waterfall. LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: Good times. Good times, guys. MATT: Um, now you guys are standing over Grog in this kind of makeshift-- LIAM: It's a little sticky, slimy? MATT: -- camp site. The embers of the fire kinda going low. LIAM: I'm starved. TALIESIN: Well, she's researching-- LAURA: Oh! MARISHA: Yes. LAURA: Should we keep-- I'm going to keep watch. LIAM: Absolutely. LAURA: With Trinket. SAM: We need to-- MARISHA: Do we have any idea what time it is? MATT: At this point? It's at some point in the evening. MARISHA: All right. SAM: Let's rest. Let's set up a perimeter and take turns standing guard. I'm going to go to the next cavern over to where we killed those umber hulks? MATT: Yes. SAM: Take one of the umber hulk heads and put it on a stick. LAURA: Ooh. SAM: Right out front of where we're-- Of where we're camping as sort of a warning to others. MATT: All right. MARISHA: I want to check out-- LAURA: How about this? ORION: How many cavern entrances are there from where we're camping? MATT: From where you are? (creepy music sound effect) LAURA: Oh no! MATT: There are where you came in through-- ORION: Right. MATT: Strange things afoot echo in the silence. There's the entrance you came in. Across the way, there appears to be another cavern that you can kinda see the entrance to. Those are the only proper openings into this giant chamber. Otherwise there's just the giant, over-arching cave that you guys are just getting into. Just pushing through, so-- MARISHA: I'm gonna take the first watch-- LAURA: Oh, you are! Okay. MARISHA: I still have a lot of reading to do, and I can go ahead-- I'm gonna go ahead and cast-- Make sure everybody's in! Everybody's in. LAURA: Wait, wait! I want to check the bodies of the other guys before the-- SAM: What are you casting? What are you about to cast? MATT: Duergar? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Anti-Life Shell? MATT: Go ahead and make an investigative check. MARISHA: A shell that keeps in anything from coming in. SAM: Oh. Great. Well, before you do that, hold on. LAURA: A 20? MATT: Okay. Glancing about, you pull roughly 125 gold pieces between the three corpses of the duergar. Well, two corpses because one of them is gone. It washed downstream. LAURA: Right. LIAM: She had all the good things. LAURA: She had a lot of good stuff on her. MATT: Yeah. You do, however, find on one of them a gnarled implement of some kind, whether it be scavenged or not. It's of a strange, like almost bleached bone ivory that comes to a point at one end. ORION: Ooh. SAM: Let's look at it. (laughs) MATT: It is pretty. LAURA: Ooh, let me see, let me see. ORION: An artifact we can bring back to-- SAM: Can I take a look at it and-- LIAM: Give it to Tiberius. He'll try anything. MARISHA: (laughs) He'll try anything. SAM: History or-- or arcane? ORION: I like trying things. MATT: Go ahead and roll arcana. SAM: Arcana. No! (laughs) MARISHA: (laughs) Oh, Scanlan. MATT: Scanlan, it is a very pretty something. ORION: 24. MATT: 24. Want to hand it over to him? ORION: Yes, I-- SAM: Ooh! LAURA: What is it? SAM: Nothing. ORION: Wonderful, this is. Wonderful. Magic Missiles, of course. MARISHA: (laughs) SAM: It sends out magic missiles! LAURA: What! ORION: This one has seven charges. While holding it, you, you can use an action to expend one or more of its charges to cast the Magic Missile spell from it. For one charge, you cast the first-level version of the spell. You can increase the spell slot by one for each level by each additional charge you expend. The wand regains 1d6 + 1 expended charges daily at dawn. If you expend the wand's last charge, roll a d20. On a one, the wand crumples into ashes and then-- LIAM: This all seems very technical. LAURA: Yes, that's awesome-- SAM: Basically it shoots out six missiles and then it-- LAURA: Awesome! TRAVIS: Isn't that a famous, like-- MARISHA: It goes pew pew! LAURA: I'm glad we killed them before they used that on us. LIAM: Yes, it's pretty standard. TALIESIN: It's a pew pew stick. LIAM: Pretty standard. MARISHA: It's a pew pew stick! LIAM: Yes. MARISHA: Cool! ORION: Would anybody like to tinker? I mean, I learned this when I was 12. (all laugh) LAURA: No, you're unconscious. ORION: Oh, I'll hold onto it-- LAURA: Well, yeah. Yeah. LIAM: I think Grog may have soiled himself a little. We should probably get Keyleth on the books. LAURA: Take a nap so that, maybe-- TALIESIN: Yes. MARISHA: Make sure everyone's in and close by, and get done with everything. LAURA: Okay, she's gonna-- LIAM: Keyleth, you need to study, so we'll take first watch. MARISHA: I'm gonna take you guys-- LAURA: Oh, that's true, you should study while we watch. LIAM: You can't study and watch. MARISHA: I'm gonna cast Anti-Life Shell. That way everyone at least gets one good hour of sleep. LAURA: Oh, good! I like it! LIAM: All right, let's take a nap. LAURA: All right. MATT: You go ahead and you eventually find one of the corpses of the umber hulk. It takes you a good 25 minutes to eventually carve through its relatively thick hide, chitinous exterior. You put the head on a makeshift spike, and it is now there on display. SAM: Yes, as a warning to others. MATT: You feel accomplished. SAM: Yes. MATT: You head back. Keyleth-- TALIESIN: Terrible taxidermy attempt. MATT: -- as you are taking first watch, you notice that the campsite that the duergar were using, where you guys are currently resting for the evening, it's been there for a while and it looks like the duergar have repurposed it. The fire-- the stones that were set up around the actual fire pit have probably been there for quite some time, and were set up very uniformly and very well placed. Right above you, on one of the stone walls, you see what appears to be a strange, very well carved symbol. Hard to recognize it. Go ahead and make a religion check. LAURA: Oh, man. MARISHA: Ugh, wish Pike were here. LIAM: Yes, we wish Pike was here. LAURA: Pike's missing everything! (sobs) TALIESIN: Very much. ORION: Yes. We miss you! MARISHA: Eight? LIAM: Come back, little gnome! MATT: It's just a really interesting carving on the wall just right above where you guys are currently residing-- TALIESIN: Ampersand. MARISHA: So pretty! MATT: Not quite catching your attention, but it seems to have some significance. And it's fresh, it's not like an ancient symbol that's been there, it maybe could have been there for more than a week or two. MARISHA: I go ahead and I take a piece of paper from my spellbook, and I take a piece of charcoal, and I just scroll over top of it. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: To get an imprint of it. MATT: Okay, it's very big. It's like four feet by three feet. MARISHA: I take a few pieces of paper, and I kind of glue them together- (all laugh) MATT: All right. MARISHA: -- and then I get a really big one, and then I roll it up. MATT: All right. All right, you guys begin to set up for the next watch. After the first hour-- MARISHA: And I have my Anti-Life Shell up. MATT: Yep, Anti-Life Shell eventually fades, first hour without any impact or issue. MARISHA: Who is taking the next watch? LAURA: Oh, we are. LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Okay. The next few hours go by without incident. LAURA: That's nice. Can I look around and see-- I mean, no! In our area! I'm not gonna wander off, but just to see if I see any kind of anything interesting. I mean, if this is a really old area that I've noticed, it's old, can I see anything cool and old around us? MATT: Well, there's a lot of mineral deposits. This place in particular, it's definitely, because of the heavy river flow for a long time, a lot of the area near the river itself, very smooth stone. A lot of kind of accumulated deposits of various elements. You also catch the strange carved symbol right atop your guys' camp. LAURA: Okay. So I tap my brother and go, look at this. Do you know anything about religion? LIAM: (sighs) Well, let me see. LAURA: Let me see. (all laugh) LIAM: Well, I seem to know fuck-all about it. Ten. LAURA: Oh, me too! I know shit about it. MATT: It's a very fancy symbol. LAURA: It's a really pretty symbol. MATT: You guys finish your watch-- LIAM: I really wish Pike was here. MARISHA: Just, the party is taking turns being like, so pretty! LAURA: I know! SAM: Where was that symbol? LAURA: On a rock. MARISHA: It's above our-- MATT: It's on one of the large cave surfaces near where you guys are camping. LAURA: I don't see any cool sparkly things in the mineral deposits? None of that? MATT: Nothing catches your attention-- LAURA: Damn it! MATT: --- at the moment, no, unfortunately. LIAM: All about the bling. LAURA: I am about the bling. MARISHA: How's it going over there, Grog? MATT: You finish your watch without issue. MARISHA: It's good. MATT: Next up watch, this is the last, third, and final watch you guys are now going through. ORION: Oh, all right. SAM: I'll come with Tiberius as well. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Yeah, we'll all go. SAM: Okay. MATT: Okay. The three of you guys keep watch. After they're napping. Occasionally you have to adjust Grog, 'cause you're not sure if he's still breathing. ORION: I'll roll for the-- TRAVIS: What? SAM: Not sure if he's still breathing? ORION: I'm gonna do an intelligence, right? MATT: To make sure he's still-- LAURA: What? MARISHA: Religion. Religion. MATT: Religion. ORION: 20. LAURA: Oh my god, what if you could die while we're sleeping? MATT: Right now, you just rolled? ORION: Well, 18 plus two. MATT: Oh, okay. ORION: What's that? MATT: You are familiar with this symbol specifically because of your background. That is the symbol of Bahamut. It is the symbol of the Platinum Dragon. LAURA: Ooh! MATT: And you ascertain it was probably-- ORION: Oh, it looks like this! MATT: Yes. ORION: Oh, interesting. MATT: And it was probably used as part of some sort of a protection ritual. LAURA: What was the name of the bad guy that she said? MATT: K'varn. ORION: I tell everybody that. Well, that I'm with. LAURA: Thank you. MATT: Using the thing you wrote. LAURA: K'varn. MATT: K'varn. LAURA: I'm gonna guess that's how you spell it. ORION: It seems it's a protective symbol of sorts, but it's of Bahamut, which is a good thing. LAURA: K'vah? I thought it was K'varn. SAM: It's a good thing? ORION: Bahamut is the essentially nicer deity of the two between him and Tiamat, which is a total asshole, but-- SAM: Well that must be why Lady Kima came down here. ORION: Right. So she must have camped here, put this symbol up for protection. MATT: As you are having this discussion, you feel a slight rumble in the ground. TRAVIS: Fucked up now. MARISHA: Oh no. MATT: Some of the rocks nearby, the loose pebbles, begin to vibrate and move around. ORION: Oh dear. SAM: Grog's probably farting again. ORION: No, I don't think-- I think we should alert the others. SAM: All right. LAURA: We're waking up, we're waking up. Don't worry, we are gonna heal you. ORION: How far are we from everybody? We're just like-- MATT: You guys are all clustered in the small camp. ORION: Oh. SAM: Let's quietly wake them, and I will go peer into the darkness and see if I can see them. ORION: Rumbling is never a good thing, Scanlan. LAURA: Something's rumbling? I wasn't paying attention. MATT: Do you still have your light source up, Light, or you just, the campfire? ORION: Just the campfire. MATT: Yeah, you are-- outside of just, maybe 15, 20 feet, you see nothing. It's pitch black. TALIESIN: Let's wake everybody up, and then we'll get to work-- LAURA: On healing Grog? TALIESIN: -- on Grog, and go see what that is. LAURA: I'm not awake yet. TALIESIN: Is all this going at the same time? SAM: Is the rumbling continuous, or is it just one little rumble? MATT: A few moments pass, the rumbling has subsided. SAM: Oh, okay. ORION: Oh, it stopped. SAM: Oh, easy! LAURA: So we're awake. MARISHA: Okay, but let's-- LAURA: Let's heal this guy. Can you heal him? MARISHA: Am I awake? Are we awake? Did you wake me up? LAURA: Are we awake? ORION: I do Prestidigitation and wake everybody up-- LAURA: (grunts) Awake. ORION: -- with a little spritz of water in the face. MATT: Okay, all wake up-- ORION: Everybody get up! SAM: Like the flower, the flower trick? MARISHA: Why water? Why would you do that? ORION: Yeah. MARISHA: Why couldn't you just touch me? TALIESIN: Magic bukkake. ORION: Because it's-- LAURA: Ah, that was a good nap! LIAM: Stupid lizard. MARISHA: Ugh. LAURA: I think Grog farted again. ORION: I do it again, and clean everybody up. MARISHA: Stop! ORION: Sorry. sorry! It's off. I-- SAM: Something terrible is brewing. LAURA: Keyleth-- no, what? SAM: How is everyone feeling? Do we need to heal? Everyone? LAURA: We need to heal this guy. SAM: No, what about us? How are we feeling? LIAM: Well, we all just slept, so we're fine. LAURA: We're fine! Heal this guy! MARISHA: I'm okay. SAM: Are we okay? MATT: You've all slept for the evening-- ORION: Oh, awesome. MATT: --and from the points of your unused-- LAURA: Grog, just wait a little bit longer. MATT: -- healing dice, you're pretty much all at max health, so. LAURA: You'll be okay. MARISHA: Okay, do we wanna stay here? Do we wanna do this here? LAURA: Yeah! Do it here! TALIESIN: Do this here. ORION: There was a rumble. Okay, we need to get Grog, the others, and-- LAURA: How long will this take, Keyleth? MARISHA: Tiberius-- I don't know. But I want us to be as safe as we can. Tiberius, can you lift us up on your pillars, or like, encase us in, or something? Make us a room? ORION: I was just about to do that! MARISHA: Make us a room? ORION: Yes! MARISHA: Yes? Okay. ORION: But everybody hates when I do that. SAM: Are you gonna cast a spell now? MARISHA: We're gonna do this. SAM: Okay, I'd like to give her a little inspirational song. MARISHA: Yes, if you could. MATT: All right. MARISHA: Scanlan, give me some nice meditation, some-- SAM: Okay, some, like, yoga music? MARISHA: Some, like, pure moods. Yes! Yes. LAURA: Trinket gives her a massage beforehand to loosen her up. MARISHA: I go ahead-- SAM: (sings) You know you got to cure Grog. MARISHA: I go ahead and light some incense. ORION: Wonderful tune. MARISHA: Scanlan. Scanlan, do you still have that deity, that little idol of Pike? SAM: I do have my idol of Pike, yes! MARISHA: Can we just have that out just so I have her energy. SAM: Oh, of course! MARISHA: Just feel like I need her. SAM: I take out the idol of Pike that I keep always close to my loins, and I hold it tightly, and warmly-- MARISHA: Okay. SAM: -- and caress it a little. ORION: Give it to her. MATT: It is momentarily distracting, but eventually you phase it out. All right, so as you guys-- (all laugh) ORION: Did you want my hand or the statue? MATT: You take a bit of earth from a pouch that you keep of your-- ORION: Statue. MATT: -- home tribe where you grew up. You scattered some of it around Grog, who is now laid on his back, whose arms and legs, all equally stretched out. TRAVIS: Naked. MATT: No. You're still clothed. (all laugh) MARISHA: Let's not go there. No need to be naked. LAURA: There's coffee next to you. MATT: As this is the first time you've attempted a magic of this type, you close your eyes and take in the earth's essence. As a druid, being connected to nature is where you draw your divine energy. You kind of-- MARISHA: I'm so nervous. MATT: -- almost take from the vibration of the nearby caverns that you felt, and come in tune with the way the earth, the planet itself shifts and moves, you-- LIAM: You got this, Keyleth! You got this! LAURA: You can do this Keyleth! You can do this! MARISHA: I'm literally shaking. MATT: You use that to give constitutional strength to the physical form of Grog in hopes of restoring him. MARISHA: Okay, I just kind of lay my hands on his forehead. LAURA: Oh my gosh! SAM: You know, I know Grog very well, and he might enjoy, or be inspired by, a kiss of a female. I'm just saying, just the gentle kiss of a female lips on his might rouse him. ORION: Ooh, Vex! SAM: I've seen it many times. ORION: You should plant one on him. SAM: Vex? Get in there! Get in there! (all laugh) MATT: As Vex awkwardly fumbles over the-- LAURA: I think it helped. MATT: -- the overtly sized goliath- LAURA: Stop it. TRAVIS: Not all dead. MATT: Go ahead and-- LIAM: Just upstairs. MARISHA: Do I get an inspiration die from him or anything? MATT: You do, yes. MARISHA: Okay. What am I rolling? What do I do? MATT: Roll a d20, add your wisdom modifier. LAURA: Do I get to assist since I gave him a kiss? MATT: No assistance on this. This only affects a d20 roll. SAM: d20. LAURA: Oh god. TALIESIN: It's a wisdom modifier. SAM: Let's do this, man. LIAM: Save Grog! LAURA: Save Grog. Save Grog! SAM: For the chat room. MARISHA: Gah. Nauseous. No. MATT: What'd you roll? What'd you roll? LAURA: No! MARISHA: Where's the inspiration die? Where's the inspiration die? ORION: Didn't you get advantage on that? MARISHA: It's a d8, right? MATT: It's a d8. MARISHA: Do I get advantage on this, since I'm taking time? LAURA: Yes! MATT: As is, yes, yeah, you have advantage on the roll, yeah! MARISHA: I do have advantage on this? LAURA: Come on, Keyleth! Keyleth, Keyleth, Keyleth! ORION: Yeah! MARISHA: Oh, that's much better! LAURA: What? What was it? MARISHA: I'm still gonna do the inspiration dice, just in casies. Okay, that's good. TALIESIN: That's good. MARISHA: Okay, so. MATT: What's the total? MARISHA: 17 plus 12. MATT: Plus 12? MARISHA: Plus six, plus six with my wisdom modifier. My heart is pounding. So that's 30? No, 29. MATT: 29, that should be enough. TALIESIN: Oh my god. MATT: So, (laughs), in this circumstance, you complete the ritual. There's a brief glow of all the-- MARISHA: Ah, I'm still shaking. MATT: The dirt that you'd scattered around Grog, and you can see his form kind of take in a deeper breath. His chest expands, and as it does, his eyes, which currently stare off in space, begin to clarify and crystallize and his brow quivers for a second, and you see a little bit of life return to his face. TRAVIS: Ugh. Kittens. Ugh. Nachos. Ugh. SAM: (laughs) MARISHA: Grog? MATT: Grog, your sight focuses as the party is gathered around you, looking down upon your currently stretched out physical form in a cavern. You're very confused. LIAM: Welcome back, big guy. TRAVIS: I thought I was in algebra class again for a second there. (all laugh) MARISHA: Grog! SAM: You're alive! ORION: Why are you all cheering? LAURA: Good job, Keyleth! ORION: Why did you run out and destroy nothing? Look what you did. You were giving me crap about the lightning. Don't ever do that again. TRAVIS: Sorry, who woke me up from my sleep? (electronic beep) LAURA: Oh, Siri did, apparently. ORION: It was a group effort really, but Keyleth did an amazing job. TRAVIS: Keyleth? I run over and I give Keyleth a big ol' bear hug, squeezing maybe a bit too tight. MARISHA: Ow. LAURA: I think he shit himself while he was unconscious, so that's gotta smell really wonderful. TRAVIS: I smell better than I ever have before. MARISHA: Just glad you're all right, Grog. Really glad you're awake. TRAVIS: I reach into the bag of holding and I get the cask of ale and my goblet, and I pour a little goblet of ale and I give it to Keyleth. MARISHA: To Grog! ALL: To Grog! TRAVIS: To me! (all laugh) MATT: As a note too, just so you guys are aware, 20 is the stat cap for normal physical stats, however magical items can then bump that up higher. Just answering a chat room question. LAURA: Right. SAM: I don't even know what that means. Question or the answer. MATT: That's okay. Don't worry about it. SAM: Hey. How is he doing, how is he feeling? TRAVIS: I'm so glad you had advantage on that. SAM: Grog, how are you feeling? ORION: Yes! SAM: How is he feeling? TRAVIS: My intelligence is-- What is it now? MATT: It's back to normal. MARISHA: At like the gym and you need some alcohol, after that. TRAVIS: It's six, so-- SAM: Right where it should be. TRAVIS: I feel right as rain. What are we killing? (all laugh) LIAM: Brains, apparently. SAM: How many fingers is this? TRAVIS: Three. SAM: Perfect. MARISHA: Good, he's back, you guys. He's back. TRAVIS: Blue, oh no, hold on. MARISHA: Good. TRAVIS: Square! ORION: I saunter over to Keyleth. That was mighty impressive. MARISHA: Oh, thank you. ORION: That was amazing. MARISHA: I had Pike in mind. I channeled her energy. SAM: It's true, it was quite astounding. I have a little chub on. LAURA: (groans) TRAVIS: (laughs) So do I, for some reason. LAURA: You're welcome. MARISHA: Yeah well, that's a bit of a side effect. TRAVIS: It must be the morning. MARISHA: That's part of the Greater Restoration, a few things get restored. MATT: (laughs) TRAVIS: God bless you. LIAM: Do you remember anything about a kiss in your dreams while you were asleep? TRAVIS: Well, my cheeks are sort of sore for some reason, as if they've been slapped repeatedly by a bunch of twats, and then I've got this one little wet mark right here where I got a kiss and it smells like half-elvish spit. LIAM: Oh, that was Trinket. Trinket helped with the spell. Gave you a kiss and helped wake you up. LAURA: Oh, why didn't I have Trinket-- TALIESIN: And several slaps. MATT: At which point you look over and Trinket is there off to the side, notably excited that you're moving again. (bear noises) LAURA: Aw. MATT: Comes over and nuzzles up against you for a moment. TRAVIS: Oh Trinket, you big ol' furball. Trinket noogie. LAURA: (laughs) TRAVIS: Can we go kill something now? LAURA: Well shit, I guess we should. I think we are all healed up. MATT: You guys all healed overnight. LAURA: Did he heal while he was unconscious? MATT: You did not get an opportunity to use any of your stuff, so you're currently still at the hit points you were, plus you naturally healed just from the evening's rest. TRAVIS: Oh, I did? MATT: Four hit points. SAM: Let's do some Grog healing. You don't have your healing dice, right? TRAVIS: I do. SAM: I'm gonna sing a song of rest for you, so that'll add 1d6 to your healing rolls. TRAVIS: Yes! 11 plus-- All right. 12. Great. LAURA: How many d12s do you get to roll? You can roll four of them if you need to. TRAVIS: (counts) MATT: You can roll up to nine. LAURA: You can roll up to nine dice. TRAVIS: Oh! MATT: Whatever your level is, that's how many dice you can use. TRAVIS: Nipple tassels! That's way better. (all laugh) MATT: But that's for the day. Once you've used those nine hit dice to heal yourself naturally, you are maxed out outside of magical healing or potions. TRAVIS: I've used two. SAM: Shall we tarry on, everyone? LIAM: Yes, I have a feeling these tunnels are going to suck majorly, but we have nowhere to go but down, so-- LAURA: So we know which tunnel she pointed towards? MATT: She pointed towards the rest of the cavern, which you have just stepped into. LAURA: Can I use tracking and see if I can not only see where the majority of tracks lead to, but see if I can spot the halfling Kima's tracks. MATT: Lady Kima. Go ahead and make a survival check. LAURA: Survival? MATT: Which you have advantage on simply for tracking depending on what you're tracking. LAURA: I do! MATT: What are your favored enemies? LAURA: My favored enemies are dragons and demons. MATT: So you would not have advantage on this. LAURA: Ah, screw that MATT: That's okay. What did you roll? LAURA: Oh, but I do. Wait. My favored terrain is the Underdark. MATT: Okay. All right. For that, I will go ahead and give you advantage on that. This is technically considered the crust of the Underdark. LAURA: That doesn't count if it rolls onto a phone? LIAM: I think that's in this book. MATT: Yeah, yeah, I think it's chapter four. LAURA: 19 is what I rolled. MATT: 19. Okay. As you guys begin to move, you can find, like, there is this waterfall. Which you can hear in the distance, there are a number of cascading, crashing water sounds. So you imagine there are multiple layers as this cavern descends down into the darkness. What are you using for a light source, by the way? LIAM: Tiberius, yeah? SAM: Tiberius, hit us. ORION: What's happening? SAM: Light TRAVIS: Oh, ah. (all laugh) MATT: The cavern comes alive with bright white light. TRAVIS: Oh, right. Sunglasses. MATT: Using that, you take a while and you begin to just keep tabs on the surface area of this cavern as you begin to move further down. You find some portions where you can climb down to the lower levels. The first thing you notice is there are definitive signs of struggle or intense running towards the direction that you came from. Meaning things were seemingly either fleeing or heading that direction very quickly. Some of them appear to be more recent than others. You also begin to see a few partially decomposed corpses of various goblinoid creatures. You find two goblins just slain, just cut open, and off to the side you see some of the skin is pulled tight against the bone as a lot of it is just rotting from the cave itself. Not a very great smell. There have been small pockets of struggle the more you progress down this way. You also find some drag marks that are similar to what you saw back in the mines, and as you move forward and the light begins to open up, you can see small pockets of that red stone that's used to light a bunch of Kraghammer. You can start seeing elements of it embedded in the walls of the cavern ahead and just faintly giving this reddish glow and the outline of some shapes. You begin to step into the outskirts about 60 feet ahead of what looks like a series of huts, small stone structures cobbled together with small stone and stacked on each other. Simple driftwood and broken pieces of scavenged material put into small buildings. It's a very kinda ramshackle village underground. SAM: Let's burn it down. LIAM: I am stealthing. I roll stealth. LAURA: Oh, okay, I'm gonna stealth too. LIAM: Natural 20. MARISHA: Woohoo! LAURA: Natural 20. Oh, that really didn't count. LIAM: Just roll on your phone a couple times and then off to the side. LAURA: They all sucked, so. LIAM: And you said that the red crystals on the wall are glowing somewhat? MATT: Yeah, it's a certain amount of crystal that this mountain range seems to naturally produce that just inherently. LIAM: Enough to give the half-elves vision in low light? MATT: It seems such. At the point where you're close to it. Currently you have to use his light source to see much of anything. This village doesn't have any, but near the walls and the edges of the cavern you can see the gentle outline of this whole size of it. It's immense. TALIESIN: Does it seem that there are signs of life? MATT: From this view, you don't see any movement. LIAM: I am starting to creep along the ground towards the nearest building and press up against the wall and see if I can-- I'm just going to listen. LAURA: I rolled a 16, is that enough to actually stealth? MATT: That's up to you. LAURA: No. MARISHA: I'm going to let the twins stealth ahead. MATT: You guys stealth ahead. The two of you follow each other, and you get to the outskirts, and you can now see in the center of this, a number of the buildings and huts have been smashed or destroyed. You can see more and more of these goblin corpses strewn across the ground. You can see some of these tents seem to have rags or something stuffed into one that's not too far ahead of you. There's two goblins near you, apparently slashed open. Similar wounds. It's just from the first glance stepping forward. LIAM: None of them alive, that we can tell? MATT: Nope. LAURA: We can't see any movement anywhere? MATT: Not from this perspective. You guys moved ahead and you barely have any light source of your own. You're having to deal with just the outskirts of his light spell. LAURA: And none of that red light is lighting any of this? MATT: Not in the center of the village. Those are only towards the outside walls of the cavern. LIAM: So we're in the dark. LAURA: Can I go up and see if I can get one of those little red rocks? MATT: You can walk off to the side. So you take a few minutes to walk off to the very edge of the cavern. The rock is less of an actual stone that you can pull, more than it's a cluster of-- almost like a vein of the stone in the actual wall. It would take a while for you to actually hack it out of the side. It can be done, but it will take you a while. LAURA: Nah. I don't want to waste the time. MATT: Okay. LAURA: What do you think, should I do it? LIAM: No. LAURA: Okay, cool. TRAVIS: (laughs) No. LIAM: But we're in pitch black here, and we can't really see what's going on. I think we need-- LAURA: A lantern. LIAM: And Tiberius. LAURA: (whispers) Tiberius. LIAM: Wait, hold on. Tiberius, will you bring the party up? ORION: Oh yes, of course, we'll be right there. LAURA: Does anybody know-- have we told anybody at home what that actually is? MATT: Okay, so as you guys are aware, one of the magical items that was designed by Tiberius early in the campaign are essentially these gem enchanted earrings that activate as a Message spell between a few party members. He made a few of them. LIAM: It was five total. Why don't we nail down who that is. It's the twins. LAURA: We both have one. LIAM: You. ORION: You have one. He has one. She has one. LIAM: He's pretty sneaky. All right. SAM: And we can send and receive messages or just receive? MATT: You're essentially whispering into each other's ears. ORION: They're like walkie-talkies. LAURA: It's like a walkie-talkie. MATT: But it only works within a certain range. SAM: Is it like a Madonna microphone? MATT: A straight up with a big ol'-- ORION: I think it's like 500 feet. MATT: 500 feet is the maximum length. So. You guys approach slowly, the light source opens up, and you see now a multitude of goblin bodies strewn about the open area of this village. You can see there are actually piles of corpses stuffed into some of these huts in the sides that aren't goblin. You can see what looks like a few small dwarven bodies piled up on the side. As you kinda glance over you look, some of them are partially eaten like they have been stripped for meat. LAURA: Ew. TRAVIS: What? MATT: Make an investigation check. LAURA: 24. LIAM: 22. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Check that building? MATT: As you look through the building, there are piles of bone, sinew, and metal at this point. The dwarven bodies are mostly decomposed entirely, what remnants have not been stripped off it for food. LIAM: Anything useful in the pile? MATT: As far as what you guys can tell, you discover two things. One of the dwarves has a set of very very finely crafted leather armor. LAURA: Ooh. MATT: To pull it off the corpse is going to destroy it and going to be a not very interesting affair. LAURA: Oh. MATT: But it does look to have survived the horrible conditions under here. You also note specifically, Vex, that not the dwarven corpses, but a number of the goblin corpses you come across, some of them have a uniform wound. A number of these goblin corpses have this terrible puncture wound in the skull. LAURA: Oh no. MATT: In the forehead there. Just an opening wound about that big around. LAURA: You didn't notice that, that's how unperceptive you are. LIAM: My sister, everybody. MATT: And for each one of these wounds-- for as much flesh is on these goblins, there doesn't appear to be anything inside. LAURA: It sucked their brains out. Whatever it was. MATT: It's very possible. TRAVIS: I know what that feels like. ORION: Ooh, brain suckers. TRAVIS: Are we with you? LAURA: No, you're not, you're still hanging out-- SAM: We've come back. TRAVIS: Did you put your finger in the hole? LAURA: I'm going to put my finger in the hole. ORION: I sauntered up 'cause-- SAM: You sauntered up. ORION: You guys are sticking to the darkness? MATT: Your finger goes inside, you reach around. There are elements of brain matter within there but even that has become very gelatinous. TRAVIS: Oatmeal. MATT: Partially decomposed in its own right, almost like a slime. But sure enough, the inside of the cranium itself is mostly vacant. LAURA: Lovely. Trinket, no, he's not with us. MATT: Trinket is back with the party. MARISHA: So we can only assume that, what was his name? SAM: Should we rejoin our fellows? TRAVIS: Yeah. LAURA: I guess it seems like it's safe enough, right? Around here right now? TRAVIS: We come running up. ORION: We do. SAM: Traipsing, we traipse up. TRAVIS: Skipping. LAURA: As silently as possible, you come running up. TRAVIS: (sings) SAM: What's going on, guys? LAURA: Brain suckers, something that sucks brains. SAM: As long as they are sucking it out of goblins, I'm good with that. LIAM: My sister doesn't remember, but one of our instructors in Syngorn used to tell us of a creature, I'm not sure what they're called, but-- LAURA: I don't think I was in that class, actually. LIAM: Mm. A creature that steals its victims' minds and digests them, reaches right in and takes them out. ORION: I'm assuming it's got to be a much smaller, mutated version of our brain-on-legs friend. LIAM: I think it's much worse. MARISHA: Yeah. Much worse. LAURA: Much worse? LIAM: Much worse. ORION: Yeah. LIAM: I think the brain was a scout or some sort of pet. MARISHA: Well, we also have this K'varn, who is experimenting on all those creatures, so we can't even attest for any of this. LAURA: Exactly. ORION: That's true. TRAVIS: I take a few steps back. TALIESIN: It could just be parts of one. MARISHA: Yeah, parts of one. It could be a hodge-podge of everything TALIESIN: A dragon, goblin drained, brained-- LAURA: (gasps) What if K'varn is a dragon? What if-- oh wait, I don't know anything about that. What was that symbol anyway, Tiberius? ORION: That was a symbol of Bahamut, and it was a protection thing that I'm sure she put up to protect herself. LAURA: Oh. So it was a good symbol? ORION: It was, yes. LAURA: Okay. MATT: You recall that Lady Kima was, specifically, a paladin of Bahamut. LAURA: Oh! So she probably did that. MARISHA: So she's been here. MATT: That camp seems to have been hers while she was traipsing through the tunnels. LAURA: I understand. TALIESIN: Ah! LIAM: I just think we should proceed with caution. Our teachers spoke about this thing, said that it was a being of the mind. I think our trouble with Grog could just be the beginning. We need to proceed very carefully. LAURA: Oh no! TRAVIS: I have two potions of fox's cunning. Could I drink one of those, since there's a giant brain-bitch wondering around the camp? MARISHA: That's for your wisdom. SAM: How long do they last? LAURA: You could make yourself smarter? TRAVIS: But it don't last very long. MATT: Fox's cunning would give you benefit, I believe, to-- MARISHA: Intelligence. MATT: I mean, essentially-- MARISHA: It would be Enhance Ability, essentially. MATT: It would be Enhance Ability for wisdom, I'm pretty sure. MARISHA: I'll tell you. I think it's wisdom. TRAVIS: Not intelligence? MARISHA: No, no, no, it's intelligence. MATT: It's intelligence? Okay, there you go. MARISHA: Because I think it's like owl's wisdom for wisdom. MATT: Right, no, you're correct. So essentially it would be an Enhance Ability for intelligence, yes. LAURA: How long does it last? MATT: Oh, for the potion's effect? That would be anywhere from four to eight hours, you're not quite sure. LAURA: Maybe you should wait until we come across something. TRAVIS: All right, but if it's too late-- MARISHA: Yeah, you have advantage on intelligence checks. TRAVIS: Intelligence checks? All right. LIAM: Just don't go running off into the dark again. LAURA: Yeah, let us lead the way, or whoever's smart. I'm really smart, how smart are you? LIAM: Not smart enough, apparently. MARISHA: So it wouldn't necessarily-- TRAVIS: It wouldn't make my intelligence higher? MARISHA: It wouldn't make your intelligence higher, and it wouldn't necessarily help with your vulnerability. TRAVIS: All right, never mind. LIAM: He's smart. LAURA: Who's our smartest person? Who has the highest intelligence here? LIAM: What are these scores you keep talking about? I don't know what anybody's talking about. ORION: It's okay, Vax. I don't know what a lot of people are talking about all of the time. TALIESIN: IRL? TRAVIS: Yeah, whoever's the smartest should be in the front. LAURA: That's true. TALIESIN: I'm sitting at 16. TRAVIS: 14. LIAM: 16. LAURA: 16. MARISHA: Well it's about, like, having high-- it's not necessarily being smart, it's about having resistance to willpower. LAURA: But if they take you down-- if they take down your intelligence, then whoever has higher intelligence-- MARISHA: Right. SAM: No one's going to take down our intelligence, we're too strong and we're too awesome. LAURA: I don't want another catatonic-- all right. ORION: And we know what we're going into. LAURA: All right! MARISHA: Well, we sort of know what we're going into. TRAVIS: Does that mean we get to run into a fight? LAURA: Oh no, this music sounds very fighty. MARISHA: Hang on. SAM: Or festive. LAURA: Oh no! MARISHA: Okay, so here's my question. LIAM: Yeah. MARISHA: So we've already fought two things where we can't look at them and they mess with our heads. TRAVIS: Right. LAURA: Yes. MARISHA: So is there something we can do going forward-- LAURA: To like boost our willpower or something? MARISHA: Or like-- TALIESIN: You want Magneto's helmet? What you want is Magneto's helmet. MARISHA: I like Magneto's helmet! Or even if we-- TALIESIN: I haven't built Magneto's helmet. MARISHA: Do we have a bunch of mirrors? Or where we can look through things with reflections. LAURA: (gasps) I gave you some mirrors! Do you remember? LIAM: I have mirrors. TRAVIS: We do have a big dressing mirror. LIAM: But that's more for-- LAURA: For looking around corners? LIAM: I don't know if that's going to help. LAURA: It could help! ORION: I could make a mirror. LIAM: Yes, I have them, of course. I always, I always have them, they were a gift. TRAVIS: We have one mirror in the bag of holding. LAURA: That's good! ORION: With like an ice-type of thing-- LAURA: We could put a mirror-- MARISHA: Kind of like a Medusa's gaze thing. You know, where you like look in the reflection. LIAM: But that's a Gorgon. That's talking about the gaze-- MARISHA: Right. LIAM: We're talking about the mind, I think. LAURA: Right. MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: I have a whip! And a forgery kit. (all laugh) MARISHA: It would just be about making us less vulnerable to the mind-- LIAM: Could you forge some professor hats for us all? (all laugh) LAURA: So what, our option is to keep moving forward, then? SAM: Yes, just be cautious, that's all we can do. VAX, TALIESIN: That's all we can do. LAURA: All right. TRAVIS: We move forward. SAM: What do you want to do, you want go back? LAURA: As quietly as possible, to keep moving forward. TALIESIN: It's difficult to prepare for what we're not prepared for. LAURA: And on the lookout for anything in this ramshackle town. MARISHA: That's true. TALIESIN: Sorry. MARISHA: I mean, I can cast Enhance Ability to help our willpower? Or our will. MATT: So you leave behind the pile of dwarven corpses, you leave behind the goblin corpses with the wounds and start seeing more of a pattern. LIAM: And if I may, I suggest Tiberius, you work your Light spell, and Vex'ahlia and I scout ahead about 60 or 70 feet, so that we can see in the dim light, catch anything coming, using your magic. LAURA: Yes. TRAVIS: And I light up the hooded lantern we have in the bag of holding. MATT: Okay. So you put the hood on and light that up, very good. Leaving the leather armor behind? LAURA: Oh well, I thought you said it would get ruined if we took it? LIAM: And it was dwarf-sized. MATT: No, it would be nasty pulling it off a corpse. LAURA: Oh, well then, fuck it, let's pull it off. LIAM: Isn't it dwarf-sized? Or is armor also shrink and expand? LAURA: It's magical. Possibly. MATT: It's dwarf-sized. LIAM: Magical. ORION: It's fine. I cast Prestidigitation and clean it all up. LAURA: I take it. MATT: Okay, so you shake off the element-- LAURA: All the goo. MATT: -- the remaining elements of the dwarven corpse. Just falls off out of the armor. You have to kind of shake it and eventually all of it escapes-- LAURA: Yes. Thank you! TALIESIN: Dwarven corpse. LIAM: It's like pulled pork. LAURA: Mm. MATT: Make an arcana check. It does have a magical aura. LAURA: (gasps) What is it? ORION: Nice. 20. MATT: All right. It appears to be a simple but powerful enchantment. It is a pair of studded leather armor with a +2 enchantment. LAURA: +2 enchantment to what? SAM: +2 enchantment? MATT: To your AC. LIAM: If I try to pull on the sleeve, does it come up to my elbow or does it stretch out and fit? MATT: It comes up to your elbow and then, given a moment, it fits to your form. LAURA: Ooh, yeah! LIAM: That's nice. LAURA: Go take that studded leather armor, brother! LIAM: I'll take this, hold on. Thank you. I go into the smelly corpse hut and start to change my armor. LAURA: What did you get? Let me see that. SAM: So wait, does he get a bigger or higher AC? What is that? MATT: Yes, it is considered-- it works as studded leather armor, but that gives him a +2 bonus to his armor class on top of that. SAM: Wow, that's huge! LAURA: Yeah, so he just took it. SAM: I'll take it. LAURA: He already took it. MARISHA: Hey, dungeon master? Asking as the dungeon master. MATT: Yes? MARISHA: If I cast Owl's Wisdom on people, it gives people advantage on wisdom checks. Would that count on saving throws against willpower? MATT: No. LAURA: Damn it! MATT: Not checks, specifically. MARISHA: Would it help anything? MATT: I mean-- MARISHA: Would, would any advantage to wisdom under Enhance Ability help some? MATT: Let me double-check it. SAM: I'll give you all dice before we go in. LAURA: Some of these-- I remember we rolled charisma saving throws, though, for the umbers. They were charisma. MARISHA: Right. And for the brains it was versus willpower. SAM: While the DM looks this up, everyone, subscribe to the Geek and Sundry twitch channel! Support the show, support the channel. MARISHA: Yeah! And don't forget about our charity, 826LA, which helps children be literate and write stories well. ORION: It makes them smarter in the head. SAM: And keep sending us food. (all laugh) TRAVIS: We like food. SAM: And more presents. LIAM: If you want a thousand years-- ZAC: There's more food on the way, so don't ask them for more. MARISHA: What? ORION: Oh, no! TRAVIS: No food! TALIESIN, SAM: No more food. MATT: Yeah, we have enough food, guys, thank you. LIAM: If you want a thousand years of D&D, we've got to pay the overheads, so please, subscribe! ORION: It's true! MATT: So yeah, unfortunately it helps ability checks, those are not considered saving throws. LAURA: All right. MARISHA: I don't know if I have anything. TALIESIN: We'll be all right, we'll be all right. ORION: As we start to walk, I cast Stoneskin on myself. MATT: You cast Stoneskin on yourself? All right, Stoneskin's on you, Tiberius. LIAM: Once you've got the dwarf gunk off, it's rather nice. LAURA: Oh yeah? LIAM: Yes, it's supple. SAM: All right, shall we keep on keeping on? TALIESIN: Let's go. LAURA: Let's go, let's keep on moving! MARISHA: Let's get it done. ORION: (sings) Keep on keeping on. MATT: You guys keep pushing forward. ORION: Is that what we're going to do? LAURA: All right. MATT: All right, as you begin to press through the goblin ghost town-- TRAVIS: We've got to get it closer than that. LAURA: I'm still tracking, looking for anything interesting. MATT: Which you do, you catch, off in the distance, another faint moving light source. LAURA: Oh shit! Hey, everybody, calm down. SAM: Huh? LAURA: Sh! There's something moving in the distance. MATT: Everyone roll a stealth check. TRAVIS: Stealth check? MATT: Yes. LAURA: Oh god, roll a stealth check. (gasps) Natural 20! MATT, LIAM: Nice! LIAM: 30. MARISHA: 15. ORION: 11. SAM: 20. TALIESIN: 12. TRAVIS: (softly) Six. MATT: Okay, as you all buckle down and be as quiet as you can-- LAURA: You rolled a six? He rolled a six. MATT: You begin to see-- SAM: (whispers) Grog rolled a six. LIAM: (whispers) Stay put, you asshole. MATT: No, noted, that's okay, that's okay. It's a group check, in which case people offset each other's difficulty. TRAVIS: Yay, bell curve. MATT: So you seem to be comfortable in the stillness of the moment. Best you can see in the distance, you see figures shifting, moving away from you. LAURA: (whispers) Sh, figures! MATT: Many figures. A fairly large group of seeming to be humanoid figures, moving steadily away from you. LAURA: Can we scout ahead? We're both really super stealth, can we like-- LIAM: Yeah, we're gonna start kinda quickly dash after them. MATT: Yeah, using your same stealth rolls, you push forward. TRAVIS: Humanoid figures, you say? LIAM: Could mean anything. MATT: Yes, best you could tell. As you guys start reaching the outskirts of the opposite side of this small, goblin village that has been completely sundered, you see a cliff, but a large cliff. The actual surface here comes to a very direct end and seems to just disappear into a dark abyss. There is a singular, ten-foot-wide rope bridge, that is bolted into the side of this cliff and stretches out across this giant crevasse, for what-- you can't see the other side. TRAVIS: Awesome! LAURA: This feels like The Descent, I don't like this, you guys. MATT: It very much has that kind of a feel. It just goes on a for a good 60, 70 feet, and then darkness. And you can see what looks to be a cluster of about 12 to 13 duergar-- LAURA: (whispers) Oh no. MATT: -- making their way in lines of two across this bridge. Amongst them, they have, chained up, three dwarf miners that they are also dragging across the bridge. SAM: We have to save those ones. TRAVIS: Just cut the bridge SAM: No, no! LAURA: What do the miners look like? Are they-- are they docile, or are they-- do they seem to be fighting back? MATT: They don't appear to put up much of a fight in their current circumstance. LIAM: How wide is the bridge? MATT: Ten feet. LIAM: Ten feet? That means two people wide. LAURA: Grog goes by himself. Yes. LIAM: But if we go out there, it's going to be close combat. TRAVIS: (whispers) We have a flying carpet. LIAM: You can't get to the ones at the back. LAURA: I mean how many are there? Like ten or so? LIAM: 12. 12 I count. MATT: From what you can see it looks about 12-ish LAURA: And they have a light source with them so we can definitely see them? MATT: They do, it's a very faint light. It's like a small cluster of the red stone that's been mined and put into a spherical element and is hanging from a chain like a lantern. LAURA: We have two options. We can fight them. LIAM: We could fight now. LAURA: Or follow them. TRAVIS: Follow. LAURA: I think we follow them. MARISHA: Do I see any-- are there any bats? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: If we follow them on the bridge, won't they feel it bouncing? MARISHA: I failed. LAURA: We gotta wait 'til they cross it, Scanlan. SAM: We can't see the end of it. LIAM: I grab my ear and, Keyleth, I heard you through Tiberius' earring, why don't you just become a bat and follow along? LAURA: She's trying to do that. MARISHA: I was gonna see if they're in the-- LIAM: You've never seen a bat in the woods? MATT: Best you can tell, and from your knowledge of bats and their existence, they generally live in caverns that have readily available openings to the outside world, where they do their nocturnal hunting. This is a very, very deep cavern that does not have easy access to the surface. Bats are probably not a good chance in this cavern. LAURA: I've got an idea. I run back to Grog, stealthed. I get our flying carpet. MATT: A hand suddenly mysteriously reaches into the bag. TRAVIS: (sputters) LAURA: Gimme the carpet. TRAVIS: What? LAURA: The carpet. Gimme the carpet. SAM: Just you? You're gonna go on the carpet alone? LAURA: And him. we can both go on the carpet. SAM: What if something happens? LAURA: We just gotta see where they're going! We'll come back and get you. SAM: I'm coming with you. LAURA: All right, Scanlan. TRAVIS: I give them her carpet, but I also tie the endless rope thread around. LAURA: Oh yeah. Okay, so we have an endless rope with us. LIAM: Now we're a kite. MATT: You pull out the carpet and lay it out. At this point in time, they're a little over halfway across the bridge. LAURA: Okay, so we-- MATT: Which, you can see it swaying in a very uncomfortable way. LAURA: Scanlan, you better be stealthed. MATT: You hear the stretching of ropes. LAURA: Oh, you can hear the rope? MATT: As you hear the rope just tense as the bridge is slowly swaying. So you guys lay out the carpet. The two of you get on? LAURA, LIAM: And Scanlan. LIAM: I grab Scanlan by the scruff of his neck. MATT: The three of you guys hop on, and it's probably big enough for the three of you. It's about the right size. SAM: Shotgun. MATT: The carpet begins to lift off, and you kind of will it towards-- Are you going straight over the bridge or are you taking a side route? LAURA: We're going next to the bridge. LIAM: Side and up. 'Cause they can look sideways. LAURA: I think we should go down below the bridge. LIAM: If you're on a bridge, you're looking down at your feet. SAM: Let's go above them. LAURA: All right, fine, fuck it, go above them. MATT: Okay so you guys, you take up over. First off, the three of you guys make a stealth check. LAURA: I thought we were still stealthed? MATT: Maneuvering on a flying carpet is a different type of locomotion. TALIESIN: We have a flying carpet, by the way. That's a thing. SAM: Not great. 13. LIAM: 29. LAURA: 17. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Were you guys trying to stealth? Is that what happened? MATT: So, as soon as you reach the edge of the crevasse, immediately the air itself is warmer. And there's actually a bit of a strange breeze blowing up from underneath this giant crevasse. And you look down and you can see, faintly, light sources. Long, thin, trickling streams of what looks like molten rock. TRAVIS: Shit. SAM: Way down below. MATT: Way down below. TRAVIS: That's a ways. MATT: It's at least a thousand feet down. SAM: We don't want to fall. MATT: Don't fall, it's very bad. The air itself has a very sulfurous smell. There's a lot of various strange chemical scents that's a bit pungent to the nose. There's a lot of chemical reactions that are causing this atmosphere. It's a little difficult to take any air at first. You have to get adjusted. It is a very, very deep cavern below. When you look behind, you can see the river that's been cascading through this cavern goes rocketing off the edge and disappears into the darkness below. Are you keeping your distance or-- LAURA: Keeping a good distance. LIAM: Distance, because they have a light source, so we want to follow that. LAURA: Yeah, so we need to stay kind of out of it but see it. MATT: Okay. You guys push forward, keeping at a safe distance. You eventually follow them across the crevasse, and you can see now them entering what looks like a shanty town of tents and small stone structures. Better built than the goblin village that was previously there, but it looks almost like a temporary or pseudo-temporary series of homes for the duergar in this section. There's a bunch of military tents and cloth pup tents put up in sections. You can see some easy-to-construct one- or two-day constructions of stone buildings. Very square, very rigid and dwarven in their design, more for utility that any sort of visual presentation or beauty. LIAM: This is a temporary war camp. LAURA: It is. MATT: There are also a series of these- LIAM: Yes! MATT: -- of these redstone-- LAURA: Good dialogue! MATT: Yeah, it's legit guys. A series of these redstone torches that they were holding, or these lanterns, are hung up all throughout the village on these giant poles that have been placed in areas to give a little bit of an occasional light source throughout this entire camp. LAURA: About how many people does it look like-- I mean, how big is this camp? MATT: How big, the camp? LIAM: How many buildings? MATT: At a first glance, you can only check out elements of it from your distance, you're only making out shapes from how far back you guys are without actually getting inside. You gather you've probably seen throughout, just this portion that you've come into, anywhere from 30 to 40 duergar moving through, as well as a few larger shapes. LAURA: (whispers) Oh, shit. MATT: You swear you catch one or two other very large humanoid hulking figures just (thudding noises) LAURA: Oh no. MATT: Stepping through the camp. LIAM: How are we gonna get through this? LAURA: How are we-- what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? SAM: The view up here is beautiful! LAURA: (sings) A whole new world. MARISHA: (whispers) Hey, hey, what do you guys see? ORION: Scanlan, what's going on? LAURA: (whispers) Okay, so-- SAM: Is the range? How are-- MATT: The range is getting a little broken, you can hear-- LAURA: Okay. MATT: The words are coming through but-- MARISHA: You're cutting out. I can't hear you LAURA: Okay. LIAM: I think-- LAURA: Well, one of us. SAM: We'll update you soon. LAURA: Well, one of us. Let's put down. LIAM: Put down? TRAVIS: In the volcano? LAURA: No no no, how are we, like-- TRAVIS: Just go straight down. LAURA: At a place where we can land the carpet and stand around. SAM: They'll probably see us. LAURA: Or should we go back? LIAM: We're past the chasm at this point or still afloat? MATT: You've just now crested-- LIAM: The other side. MATT: The crevasse the other side. And you're feeling uncomfortable pushing further forward because you're now starting to get a lot more eyes in your vicinity. LAURA: Okay, are there any-- does it look like-- do we see any cavern openings in the vicinity? Does it look like there's any? MATT: Looking around, there are no side caverns, this is actually a pretty smooth cavern that kind of circles around where this camp is built, there is one large tunnel entrance on the opposite side that continues past. LAURA: But they're blocking it? Or-- MATT: You can't see anything beyond the fact that the tunnel-- the walls kind of convene. You can see a little bit of a tunnel opening and just darkness beyond that. LIAM: So, bridge to land, and then a tunnel. MATT: A tunnel on the other side, and where the land starts there's a giant portion of the cavern that continues and then closes off, kind of pinches, to the entrance to where the camp is. LAURA: How far away is the camp from that? MATT: The camp is completely filling this side of the cross. It's blocking pretty much the whole. LAURA: Oh, so we can't get to that. MATT: Not without going through or over the city. LAURA: What about-- LIAM: So it's bridge, town, tunnel. SAM: Tunnel. MATT: Correct. LAURA: Do we see any closer-- Under the bridge, are there any openings underneath the bridge that look like-- MATT: Do you want to swoop down and check? LIAM: Yes. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Okay, you swoop down and-- LIAM: (whoosh) MATT: --the rock there-- LAURA: (whoosh) MATT: (whoosh) -- the warm air is still kinda bothering you in general. LIAM: (makes farting noise) LAURA: Excuse me. MATT: You find yourself kinda taking your cloak and putting it over your mouth just to get the scent out. The side of the rock surface is worn through what looks like maybe a possible river that also came from the other side that has since dried out, so you can see there is, while no water on this side of the crevasse, a lot of the stone has been smoothed just through rapid water running for thousands of years possibly. But there are no visible openings or other additional caverns on this rock surface LAURA: What are we gonna do? TRAVIS: (whispers) Are they still on-- SAM: Okay, listen. Leave me behind, I'll follow the party with the hostages, I'll see where they go. Don't worry, I'll be invisible. Go back, tell our fellows, get them across the bridge, and we'll meet here in about an hour. MARISHA: Okay. LAURA: Scanlan! TRAVIS: I like it. SAM: What? I'm super brave and hung, come on, let's do this. (all laugh) LAURA: All right, I'm down. Should we do it? LIAM: All right. LAURA: We drop him off. SAM: I turn invisible. TRAVIS: (sings) Scanlan, the best bard. SAM: And I'm gonna just hang behind the party that's got the hostage dwarves, and just kinda see where they go. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Should one of us protect him? TRAVIS: Do you activate hung at the same time? SAM: Don't have to activate. LIAM: He's invisible, though. TRAVIS: Okay. LAURA: I mean, we can't go invisible, we can't be as like-- LIAM: No. SAM: It's passive. MARISHA: It's a racial bonus. LAURA: He's sneaky, we can't be as invisible as him. All right. SAM: Yeah but I might make-- I might snap twigs. LIAM: Last question. Where are the people, the figures we were following? Did they finish the bridge at this point? MATT: They're long past the bridge, they're inside the city proper at this point. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: Okay, so then I'll stay by the edge of the bridge, you go back. Scanlan, go ahead, I'll wait for you here, if there's trouble. SAM: Ding-a-ling-a-ling! LIAM: Yes. SAM: Got it. LAURA: All right. MATT: All right. LAURA: I go back, thanks. LIAM: Shit. LAURA: Thanks for sending me back. I go back. LIAM: Go get the others. MATT: All right. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: Scanlan. As you go ahead, make your way in towards the city, go ahead and make a stealth check with advantage. TRAVIS: C'mon, buddy. SAM: 16. 18! MATT: 18, okay. You push, kind of falling behind the main group, and they're heading towards this kind of, more or less a loose thoroughfare in the center of this town. You can see a few duergar coming out and kind of inspecting as they enter, speaking in a language you don't understand, asking questions, some of them are coming out and slapping the dwarf captives as they go across, or spitting on them. The dwarves look very broken and unhappy with the circumstance, but brimming with anger. You see a couple of them are, like true dwarves, they haven't given in to it, they're just looking for an option or a moment to get some vengeance. They're stripped of all armor and weaponry. They're brought through some of the alleys and paths between these pup tents and these stone structures. You can see, there are some of the hulking figures, there are two trolls wandering amongst these duergar. TRAVIS: Yes! (whispers) Trolls! MATT: Now, you've encountered trolls before, but these trolls-- LAURA: (gasps) Yeah we have. MATT: -- also have a similar, pupil-less, clouded over, white-eye appearance-- SAM: Ooh! They're slave trolls! MATT: As you begin to follow them further in, you manage to see two ogres that are currently stationed across this main open center location in this campsite. And both of these ogres also have the same, pupil-less, white, glazed-over look to their eyes. And they're both just kind of glancing about. The rest of the duergar are in the process of constructing other tents. Some of them look like they're actually in the process of forging weaponry. It feels like it's a war camp. It's definitely preparing for something. However, in the center of this main area, you do see, there is a wooden platform, about 20 foot by 20 foot, that is raised up, and you see a group of about six duergar that are all wearing very intricate, black iron plate armor. And they're all just sitting on the outskirts of this platform. SAM: White eyes? MATT: All the duergar seem to have that natural look to their eyes as well. TRAVIS: Shit. SAM: Okay. MATT: As the party you've been following enters the center of this vicinity, make another stealth check, with advantage. SAM: Gah. 19. MATT: All right. You kind of step off to the side, a duergar steps out of one of the tents near you, and you just barely manage to pull out of the way without making any sort of squeak or noise. He goes by. (sniffs) TRAVIS: Oh god! LAURA: Oh god! LIAM: Careful, Bilbo! MATT: And begins stepping out, looking intently for something, but right past you, by inches, as he walks past. You look over again, to the camp, and you can now see, toward the very back end of this open midsection, by this platform, there is one large, stone construct. It looks like a makeshift barracks has been placed there, with double stone doors that are currently opened, and you can see two figures stepping out of the stairs that lead into these barracks, heading towards the main platform. They step up onto the platform. One of which is a very, very well-decorated duergar, who's wearing similar blackened plate armor as the other kind of elite guard that you saw surrounding this platform, but with gold and silver scrolling on it, a long, tattered, dark, dark purple cape, and has a nasty scar across the cheek that leads into this kind of gnarled, grey beard. As it steps forward, you can see, sheathed off to its back in a large scabbard, a gargantuan-- for a dwarf especially-- two-handed sword that should be unwieldy for a creature of its size. But nevertheless looks dangerous and a creature next to it is-- LAURA: (whispers) We can't fight these guys. MATT: -- not so small, not dwarven. Actually, very tall, lanky, long, black and purple robes, a hood, obscuring its features, stepping roughly two feet behind it as they both step on to the platform to address the rest of the guard and the approaching party of duergar dwarves you've been following. You can see some conversation happening, but you're too far away to really make out anything that's being said, do you want to move closer? SAM: Do I speak their language? MATT: Do you speak Undercommon? SAM: Nope! MATT: Then you-- it all sounds gibberish to you! SAM: Then, no thank you. (laughs) MATT: Okay. But you see some conversation happening. This seemingly officious duergar, this general that steps out and commands the attention in the room, makes a few gestures, shouts out to amongst the other nearby. Not quite sure, but you get the idea he's giving orders or directions. The war party then begins to pull the slaves back away, and-- SAM: The captives? Okay. MATT: The captives. Begins pulling them away toward another section on the side. As it does, the tall, lanky figure, which you now get the sense that it's not really walking. It's just kind of drifting-- SAM: (apprehensive sound) MATT: -- holds its hand out. This long, long finger and lanky hand, and as it does, every single duergar in the vicinity, whatever it was doing, stops in place, and all turn and look at it, as one. SAM: Whoa. MATT: At which point, this creature brings its fingers in a beckoning gesture, loosely in your direction. SAM: I'm wearing my ring of mind-shielding, by the way. MATT: For a split second, you feel your heart at your throat, and the entire back of your body stands on pins and needles as one of the duergar carrying one of the captives begins to pull one of the dwarven captives back towards the platform. As it does, the dwarf, who is giving kind of a fight and looks nervous, looks over at the figure and its arms go limp to its side, and it begins to walk out of its own volition, taking two, three steps. Steps onto the platform and approaches this tall, lanky figure with the hood and long robes behind it. As it does, its hand reaches out and caresses the side of this dwarf's face. This dwarf seems to have given up all sense of fight or any sort of conflict and just stares up into this darkened hood. As the tall, lanky creature reaches out with both hands and pulls the dwarf forward, you see these terrible purple tentacles come writhing out of the front of the hood, wrapping around the head of the dwarf, pulling it into it. As the hood falls back, you see this horrible smooth, purplish-blue hairless head, these sunken yellowish-green eyes as the tentacles wrap around the dwarf's head and pulls it into its mouth. There's a brief struggle, and then the dwarf's arms fall limp to its side. At which point, the tentacles unravel from its head, the creature pulls back, a bit of ichor and dwarf blood dripping from what looks like a lamprey's toothy maw, and then thrusts the body to the ground, with a thud as it falls lifeless to the ground. SAM: Poor son of a bitch. MATT: A horrible, bored hole in its forehead. The creature then draws its hood back up, releases its hand in a cursory fashion, and all the duergar whip back around and continue the motions they were previously going towards. As the two dwarven captives that now remain look completely stunned, their faces white with fear as they are being dragged off in this state. The tall, lanky figure gives a nod to the duergar general, who gives a nod as well, then to turn around and walk back. LAURA: Oh god. SAM: Worst show ever. Okay. That was one of the captives. Do I see where the other captives were taken? MATT: The two other captives, you follow them? They both are pulled to-- essentially to a western side. If you look overhead, this is where the barrack building is, this is where you entered and this is the main area. They are pulled off to the western side here. They are taken to a large tent. As they are pulled in, they close it behind them. You can hear some muffles and some growling from the inside of the tent. SAM: Okay. I assume bad things are happening in there, I don't need to see it, right? I think I'll just kind of-- is there anything-- MATT: Do you speak Dwarven? SAM: No, oh, no, do I? What do I speak? Where does it say? Shit. MATT: Should be on the lower left-hand of your player sheet. LAURA: Did you choose languages? SAM: I play a shawm. No, I just speak Common and Gnome. MATT: You hear what sounds like guttural Dwarvish being shouted angrily, cursing from the interior, and a few other dwarven voices also joining in-- more than two. You hear some horrible, sick thuds and some impacts and some cries of pain. And eventually, the five duergar dragging the captives walk out, carrying cudgels at their side, still dripping with fresh blood. They kind of go amongst their own business from there. SAM: Okay. I think I'll go back to my fellows. There's nothing I can see-- that door doesn't lock-- does it lock by any chance? MATT: It's just an opening tent. SAM: Open tent. There's nothing lying around, none of that black armor lying around or anything? Any extra things -- MATT: Not on the street. SAM: Okay, I think I will just make back for my friends, then. MATT: Okay, make a stealth check. LAURA: Oh, god. SAM: With advantage? MATT: With advantage. (all laugh) SAM: 21. MATT: You maneuver your way out back the way you came, best you can, remembering-- you get disoriented in general trying to find your way out. Go ahead and make a survival check. LAURA: Oh no! SAM: Survival check, so plus zero. 17. MATT: 17. LAURA: That's a good roll, yo. MATT: Okay, you take a moment, orient yourself, looking about the cavern. This is a very confusing network, and the passages you've gone-- you paid more attention to what's happening-- SAM: It's like Venice. MATT: Kind of, yeah. You nearly get lost twice, but eventually find your way back to the southern-portion entrance of this war camp. You can just see the crevasse and you start getting the familiar scent of that sulfurous wind that was billowing out from underneath. You step out a few more feet, and you can see the edge of the bridge where the rest of you have finally come to converge on the other side of the crevasse. LAURA: Ooh! SAM: Whoa. I am going to tell you everything that just happened, in detail, in real time. (all laugh) LAURA: Maybe he can tell us while we are taking a bathroom break? MATT: You know what, let's go ahead and take this moment to have a bathroom break, guys, as sort of the halfway mark. MARISHA: Holy shit. MATT: We will continue this in just a moment. In the meantime, take a rest, take ten or 11 minutes. We are going to play our character backgrounds for those who haven't seen it. We will be back here in about ten minutes, guys. MARISHA: What are we going to do? TRAVIS: We are gonna fight the shit out of them. LIAM: We're going to risk it all. [break] [no audio] MATT: -- for her as well, so look forward to that some point in the near future. As we left off, the party had just reconvened on the other side of this gargantuan crevasse in the Underdark, after Scanlan had stealthed into the duergar war camp, witnessed a number of dwarven captives being taken somewhere, however, one of which was devoured by some strange creature. Left brainless and dead on the platform in the center, outside of a giant barracks-type building. You reconvened and expressed all of this information to the party. SAM: And that's when I came back to see you guys. (all laugh) TRAVIS: Great. TALIESIN: Wonderfully detailed. LAURA: What are we going to do? MARISHA: I give Scanlan some water from my water skin. LIAM: You are a brave little fellow. SAM: Thank you. LAURA: Has anyone come across these creatures before? These weird tentacle brain guys? MARISHA: I've heard rumors of those. Can we make a check for those? ORION: It sounds like it would be a mind flayer, of sorts. LAURA: A mind flayer? ORION: A mind flayer or mind slayer, I'm not too sure. SAM: What is that? ORION: I'm pretty sure it flays your mind. I'm never encountered one myself, so I have no idea, really. Oh, right, let me check my books. MATT: Intelligence. ORION: 14. MATT: You probably call it a mind flayer. ORION: It says right here, mind flayer. The rest is all inked up. I got water on it. (all laugh) TRAVIS: How big was this mind flayer, was he like 20 feet tall, Scanlan? SAM: He was tall, I mean everyone looks 20 feet tall to me, I'm a gnome. TRAVIS: Was he bigger than me? SAM: He was bigger than you by a little? MATT: No, roughly a little shorter than him. But taller than most. SAM: He carried himself big. He was lanky. TRAVIS: Let's go fuck him up. LAURA: No, Grog! TRAVIS: What? LAURA: Do you want to be unconscious again? We have to be careful here. TRAVIS: It was rather restful. LAURA: How many dwarves did it sound like there were locked in that prison cell? SAM: Several? MARISHA: Did you see Lady Kima? SAM: No sign of Lady Kima at all, just a bunch of dwarves being held against their will, and then one by one being brain sucked by Mr. Lanky Man. TRAVIS: And those two big trolls. ORION: Percy, could you take a look at this? SAM: Two big trolls, and ogres, don't forget ogres, there's ogres too. TRAVIS: There are ogres? SAM: Yes, there were two big ogres as well. And duergar aplenty-- maybe four dozen or so, three dozen? LIAM: Spread throughout the city, throughout this little camp, Scanlan. SAM: Wandering. Yes. TRAVIS: You know my tactic. TALIESIN: Would it be a nature check to actually think if I never learned about this in school? MATT: This would be an intelligence check. TALIESIN: This would be an intelligence check? TRAVIS: We should use the volcano as part of our strategy. Like Moses-- SAM: There's a volcano? TRAVIS: Well no, the pit-- SAM: Oh the lava, down below? TRAVIS: Yeah, there's a shitload of that. MARISHA: Can I meditate to see if I know anything about this-- LIAM: This seems to match up with the tales that my instructor, master Tharendril, told me about back in Syngorn. I wonder if I remember something. If only I had a small polyhedral to roll-- Wow! LAURA: Holy moly, you guys. TRAVIS: Oh, shitcakes. TALIESIN: It's a stack of pizzas. MATT: Why are you guys so awesome? LAURA: You guys are amazing! MARISHA: Yeah, what the hell? SAM: Do they know the address here? That's kinda creepy. LAURA: Ah, thank you! I was wanting some ice tea! MARISHA: Thanks chat room! SAM: Thanks chat room! LIAM: Thanks! Thank you, long list. TRAVIS: May your list be ever long, with your-- list. MATT: So, best you can ascertain, you've never heard the term mind flayer. But in your people you've heard stories and tales growing up about something referred to as an illithid. TRAVIS: A what? SAM: An illithid? MARISHA: An illithid. MATT: A nasty entity, from beyond. MARISHA: Illithid, with a D or a T? MATT: With a D. As far as you know, all that you've heard, is that they were considered ghost stories, as a kid, to keep you from wandering dark caves and spaces. They would take your minds, and you thought this whole time that that was just a fable. That it was just a tale. But you do know that they normally aren't solitary; they usually keep company of a colony. LAURA: (gasps) TRAVIS: Fudge. LIAM: Shit. MARISHA: But I've never heard them called a mind flayer, but I guess they could be called a mind flayer. But we call them Illithids. I didn't know they were real, though. LAURA: What do we do? TRAVIS: Why don't we-- Listen, when my Herd used to wander through the trees and we came upon a force that was greater than our own, we used the landscape to our ad-van-tage, so why don't we provoke an attack? And then retreat over the bridge. SAM: And have them all jump over the edge of the cliff? TRAVIS: You said they were all gray-eyed, right? LAURA: At least they'll have to go one at a time, or two at a time across the bridge. MARISHA: But Scanlan, didn't you also say that they were, like, levitating? TRAVIS: What? MATT: The one lengthy creature. SAM: The one lengthy creature was levitating. LAURA: Well, I mean, can he fly, or can he levitate? SAM: Well yes, but I think what Grog is talking about is the bulk of the fighting force, getting them to follow us over the bridge and then cutting the bridge. TRAVIS: Yeah, like in 300. Which was a great puppet show I saw. ORION: Oh Grog, I heard that, where they used 300 puppets! TRAVIS: Yeah. ORION: It's amazing! LAURA: Okay, I like this plan. LIAM: What if all but a couple of us snuck into one of these buildings and waited and a couple of us made a stink and got a significant number of them to chase across the bridge. SAM: That's a good idea. LIAM: But then how could we cut the bridge behind? We have a flying carpet so we can go back and forth, but we could drop a significant number of them down into the lava. MARISHA: Can we have Tiberius standing there to just Firebolt it? TRAVIS: What's the bridge made of? SAM: Do you want the rope? ORION: Wait a minute. We want to bait them, is that what we're trying to do? SAM: No, we want to drop the bridge and have them fall to their deaths. LAURA: Or, Scanlan-- SAM: Yes? LAURA: Or, what if you let off a stink bomb in the middle of the camp? SAM: Well, they would run willy-nilly! LAURA: Some of them would try to leave across the bridge. SAM: Well remember, there's a tunnel on the other side of camp. They could run that way as well. LIAM: It's also a huge, and your stink-cloud is only, you know, 20 or 30 feet across. SAM: 20 feet. TRAVIS: "Only". ORION: How long is the bridge? MATT: The bridge, now that you've traversed it, it's ten feet wide, and runs about a little over 200 feet or 250 feet in length. SAM: You can get a lot of them on that bridge and then cut it. ORION: True. TRAVIS: Makes their numbers count for nothing. MARISHA: I think I've heard that one. That puppet show. SAM: I like that idea. ORION: I think I might have a solution. LAURA: Yes, Tiberius? Speak your mind. ORION: I think it's about time I used these. TRAVIS: Oh shit. ORION: For non-combat things. I think we should create a diversion, but let me do it. I can use my deck of illusions to generate any kind of number of sorts of creatures or whatever that I can control. I can simply toss one out, I believe 50 feet ahead of me, and control it and get their attention. I can draw them back through the bridge, using the illusions, taunting them along the way. They, of course, will give chase, because they are (chuckles) idiots. And, as soon as we get enough, we can all-- you can hack away at the bridge all you like, Grog. We could both burn it, we could hack and burn. TRAVIS: What kind of creatures can you make? ORION: Well, that's all up to the deck. SAM: It's up to the deck, or it's up to you? ORION: It's up to the deck. LAURA: Let's try it! SAM: So, what if it's a scary thing that scares them away? ORION: If I generate something such as-- as exquisite as a red dragon, say, I'm sure somebody like the mindfellows-- If they do flee, the camp will be empty and we can search it and free the slaves. If not, they will give chase and they will come and bait it. Either way, it works in our favor. TRAVIS: Can I test something real quick? If I pull out the magic carpet or I take it back from whoever the fuck had it, and I stand on it, does it hold me up or do I sink? MATT: You get on top of the carpet and you will it to begin to shift, and the carpet around you lifts, but you are anchoring it to the ground. TRAVIS: So this is a big problem. LAURA: But you've got Feather Fall. You've got Feather Fall! Is that still a thing? TRAVIS: Yeah, which just slows my fall. It doesn't take me across. SAM: That might not be a thing anymore. ORION: I do have Feather Fall. LAURA: But Levitate or something-- but we could tie a rope to you and it can-- LIAM: It makes him lighter, yeah. LAURA: -- it makes you really light, and we can just drag you behind us. Yeah, it'll work. SAM: Why do we need to float Grog? TRAVIS: If we cut the bridge. LAURA: In case we destroy the bridge. SAM: Oh. ORION: Oh, don't worry about that, Grog. I'll just cast Fly on you, because I can fly. TRAVIS: You can just Fly me? ORION: Yes. We can both fly. TRAVIS: Okay. LAURA: And you can Fly Trinket, too? ORION: Of course, the bear. LAURA: Of course. TRAVIS: I'm down for doing this. LAURA: Let's do it! Do it! MARISHA: Flying from the-- ORION: We have ways across. MARISHA: Okay, okay, hang on, hang on. TALIESIN: This is a good plan. SAM: Wait, wait, wait. Are we-- MARISHA: So, let's have a failsafe in case a few get across the bridge. SAM: Let's also recap which plan we're going with. One of us creating a diversion and running away, or these mystical, magical-- TRAVIS: I like the mystical, magical-- SAM: -- weird dragon creatures. What if they scare them the other way? TALIESIN: It would have to be pretty scary. And then, hey, that works. ORION: I just said, the path would be clear. SAM: What if-- LIAM: Well, are we scaring them or are we luring them? SAM: Also, might I remind-- ORION: It's all up to the deck. SAM: We're luring them. And also, might I remind you all, that they're being mind controlled by this, what, illithid-- TRAVIS: Davy Jones. LAURA: I feel like we should try to-- MARISHA: Illithid. SAM: And if the illithid recognizes that your-- LAURA: Wait, wait! SAM: -- your things are false, then he's not going to send his men-- LAURA: That's true. SAM: -- off to chase them. TALIESIN: Or he may send them to kill whoever is creating the illusion. ORION: Exactly. SAM: However, if we were-- hm. ORION: Either way, they're coming for us. LAURA: Maybe we could create a distraction and bring them away from the tunnel's entrance and we can just sneak around them. No? ORION: I mean, did you see a way to do that? SAM: What? To sneak through the village to the tunnel? No! Not all seven of us. And a bear. Are you crazy? (all laugh) LAURA: Oh no, he's trying to kill us. All right. TRAVIS: I'll stay on this side of the bridge, who wants to go be a distraction? Who wants to be the bait? Who's real fast? SAM: Wait, are we doing his bait or are we doing a real bait? TRAVIS: I don't-- ORION: We can try both. TRAVIS: What if you cast something big and they turn it against us? That could suck. ORION: Oh! SAM: It's fake. It's just a hologram. LAURA: It's not-- ORION: It's an illusion that I control. TRAVIS: How about we throw one of those and send-- LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: How about 50/50 it? One fake, one real. One of us, one of the cards. LIAM: I'll go. TRAVIS: Somebody be Gambit and throw that bitch. MARISHA: We really just need someone to keep them from running through that tunnel. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: We need some way to keep them from coming-- going-- LAURA: Can you send a card that looks like a dragon on the other side, in the tunnel, and then they run towards us. MARISHA: Oh, oh, oh! Wait, wait. TRAVIS: What's wrong with them running away from us? SAM: Oh, snap. MARISHA: I actually have a spell, while I was reading through my book last night, catching up on spells that I kinda forgot about. I learned something called Hallucinatory Terrain, where I can make the entire terrain look like whatever I want. SAM: Other terrain or an animal? MARISHA: Other terrain. TRAVIS: They're mind controlled-- MARISHA: What I can do, is-- LAURA: You can make the chasm look like it's solid ground! SAM: Can you make the chasm look like it's solid ground? TRAVIS: Ooh! MARISHA: I can make the chasm look like it's solid ground-- SAM: Can she do this? MATT: She can try. SAM: Yes! TRAVIS: I like it! MARISHA: I can make the tunnel across the way look like it's caved in. LAURA: Make the big chasm look like solid ground. They'll fall off the edge! TALIESIN: That's a great plan. LIAM: That's a great idea, but let's-- ORION: I'll throw the illusion on the fake lands. LIAM: -- let's stack the deck, all right? I'm still gonna be live bait, because I have an inkling that that thing, whatever it is, with the tentacles on its face-- SAM: Is gonna see through that. LIAM: -- is going to see through it. So if we've got one real half-elf in the mix, he'll focus on me. So I'll take the flying carpet and tie it around my back. LAURA: You better run fast and not get taken! LIAM: I have boots of haste. MARISHA: Are you good with hauling ass? LIAM: Mm? LAURA: (laughs) MARISHA: Okay. As long as you can haul ass. TRAVIS: All right. LIAM: So I take the rug from Grog-- TRAVIS: Yep. LIAM: I'm gonna roll it up and I tie it, I have a rope to tie it to my back. LAURA: It's a big rug on your back. TRAVIS: Saddle up, let's do it. MATT: It's a very big rug. LIAM: Is it? MATT: What's your strength? LIAM: It is-- LAURA: It's a big-ass rug. SAM: Wait. LIAM: 14? LAURA: It'd be like carrying a-- MATT: It won't be cumbersome, necessarily. MARISHA: Before Liam-- before Vax leaves-- SAM: Wait! Might I interject? I'm so sorry. MARISHA: Go ahead. SAM: You guys-- You and you will be hauling ass away from the charging horde-- LAURA: You? You're not-- TRAVIS: No, no-- LAURA: No, just him. TRAVIS: I'm staying on our side of the bridge. SAM: On our side. TRAVIS: Our side. LAURA: But he's got a rug, he's got the flying carpet. TALIESIN: So we're gonna make them hallucinate-- SAM: So, when you get all the way to the other side of the bridge, then we're gonna chop. TRAVIS: No. LAURA: No, we're gonna chop it when they start coming across the bridge. We're hoping that they're gonna just fall off the edge instead. ORION: Run off the bridge-- TRAVIS: They go, (yells) SAM: Which side are we gonna chop it on? Our side or their side? TRAVIS: Once he gets back to our side. LAURA: Our side! SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: (yells) They come back, everybody falls in-- LIAM: What's the bridge made of? Is it just rope and wood? SAM: Rope. MATT: From what it looks like, it is rope and stone platforms. LAURA: Oh. LIAM: On both sides? MATT: Like slats, slats of stone, that then the rope is tied around. LAURA: Okay. MATT: It's a very, very thick, hefty twine. LAURA: He can cut through that. TRAVIS: All right. So Tiberius and Vax are going over. LAURA: All right! TRAVIS: Do it. MARISHA: Before Vax leaves, I just put my hands on his shoulders, and I cast Enhance Ability on him, and give you a dexterity boost. LIAM: Okay. SAM: I'm also going to sing a little song-- MARISHA: So you have advantage on all dex rolls. SAM: -- for both of them-- LIAM: So what's the boost? How high is it? SAM: -- to inspire them. MARISHA: You have the advantage-- LIAM: Advantage. MARISHA: -- on all dex rolls. LIAM: On all dex rolls. All right. MARISHA: If that comes to that. LIAM: That's great, because that's how I attack. MATT: Well, advantage on dex ability checks. LIAM: Okay. MARISHA: Ability checks. MATT: Like acrobatics, things like that, sleight of hand, stealth. LIAM: All right. TRAVIS: Is Scanlan singing? SAM: Oh, yes, I'll sing an inspiration song for both of them. MATT: Okay, so-- SAM: (sings) Hey baby, hey baby, hey! LIAM: But we need to-- SAM: (sings) Dwarves say. Dwarves say. (all laugh) (sings) Hey baby, hey baby, hey! On to the bridge and fall down. (all laugh) MATT: All right! So. TRAVIS: Was that Gwen Stefani? LAURA: All right! (laughs) MATT: So, inspiration dice to Vax, and who else? MARISHA: I hope this works. MATT: Vax and who else? Gets inspiration dice? Scanlan. SAM: Oh, I'm sorry, these two-- Grog and Vax. MATT: Okay. So both of you guys have a d8 of inspiration dice you can spend. SAM: Oh! Are you going too? LAURA: Yeah, no, Grog isn't going, Tiberius is going. SAM: I'm sorry. Tiberius and Vax, then. MATT: Okay. There you go. TRAVIS: You could have gave it to me. LIAM: But, Tiberius, walk on a bit behind me, and I'm gonna walk up to the edge of town, and I'm gonna chat. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Oh my god. What if you-- What! MATT: So, before this happens, where's everyone placed? You guys-- LIAM: Yeah, where are you guys-- LAURA: Oh my God. MATT: You guys are across the bridge. LAURA: Yes. MATT: Where's the rest of you? TALIESIN: I'm gonna set up on our side of the bridge, I'm gonna set up the Bad News gun and get ready to train it on whatever might try and come across. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Are there any big rock formations that I can sort of use as a shelter and kind of stay behind that but also peek around? MATT: About 20 feet off from the edge, on the goblin side, there is one outcropping of, like, a large stalagmite that you could probably get behind. LAURA: Oh, on the goblin side? MATT: On the goblin side. Oh, do you wanna be on their side? LAURA: I want to be on our side. MATT: Your side, meaning the side that the war camp is on. LAURA: No. I thought we were all on the other side of the bridge. SAM: We're gonna stay on the side that doesn't have all the bad guys on it. MATT: Right. There's the goblin side, which is where you guys first went through, there's the bridge, and then there's the war camp side. LAURA, TRAVIS: Goblin side. MATT: All right. So you're on-- Goblin side for you, Goblin side for Grog-- TRAVIS: Yep. MATT: Goblin side for Percy, setting up the Bad News, your crazy gun. TALIESIN: Oh yeah. LAURA: You're on the war camp side TALIESIN: Gonna be great. MATT: And Scanlan as well. LIAM: Right, and I'm gonna run that, but you guys are all going back to-- LAURA: We're on the goblin side. LIAM: The safer side. The further side. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: I'm gonna be-- Can I be like halfway in between on the bridge? Is that a bad idea? MATT: You can do that. It's up to you. TRAVIS: Go for it! You can fly. LAURA: Can she fly? MATT: Turn into birds. MARISHA: I can turn into a bird. MATT: She's a druid. LAURA: Oh! You can turn into a bird! TRAVIS: Yeah. She's fine. LAURA: How long does your spell cast? I mean, your spell last? TRAVIS: (snickers) LAURA: Shut up. MARISHA: My-- which one? LAURA: Your illusion spell. MARISHA: It's a concentration thing. So, as long as I can keep it up. LAURA: So, maybe you should do that-- MARISHA: Oh. Yeah, for up to 30-- 24 hours, actually. It's not a concentration spell. LAURA: So, how far does it reach? MARISHA: 300 feet. LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: 150 square feet. MATT: Right. Okay. LIAM: Just needs to-- MARISHA: And it looks, sounds-- LIAM: -- work around the edge of the bridge. MARISHA: -- smells, like some other sort of natural terrain. MATT: So, what are you going to make the terrain look like? What is your alteration? MARISHA: So, what I'm doing, whenever we-- can I make it look like there's a cave-in happening through the tunnel? LAURA: (whispers) Wait! No! Make it look like it's really far-- LIAM: Keyleth, what if you fudged it so the cliff-- MARISHA: Well, that's what I'm gonna do. LIAM: -- looked like it went 30 feet further out. MARISHA: Yeah. What I'm gonna do, I just want the terrain to look, on my side-- LIAM: Close to what they're used to. MARISHA: I want the terrain to look exactly like what it is, but I just wanna stretch it out a little bit, so it looks like they've got, like, an extra running space. MATT: Okay, okay. LIAM: Yeah, so if it looks too different-- MATT: So like an additional 40 or so feet out from the actual-- MARISHA: Yes. Of actual, yes. Like the bridge is an extra 40 feet away. MATT: Okay. The actual ceiling is maybe about 120 feet up, so it might be a little hard to do that, and cause a cave-in-type illusion. MARISHA: Okay. Then I'll do that. Then I'm gonna just-- you know what, I'm gonna stay on the opposite side of the bridge, and I'm gonna focus on making that illusion. MATT: Okay. Cool. So you go ahead and you cast Hallucinatory Terrain-- MARISHA: Yep. LAURA: (yells) MATT: You now see an additional 40 feet of the cliff stretching out-- LAURA: It looks very realistic. MARISHA: Thank you! MATT: And you can actually see that the bridge looks attached to it, it's a very, very convincing illusion. And you kind of have to remind yourself that it's an illusion, just so you don't fall for it either! MARISHA: Yes, be careful guys, please be careful! MATT: All right. So you're kind of chilling in the middle of the bridge? MARISHA: Mm-hm. MATT: All right. The rest of you are-- MARISHA: All right, I'm on the outside of the bridge. MATT: -- on the other side-- outside of the bridge. MARISHA: I'm out with them. MATT: Okay. So you're off the bridge now. MARISHA: Gone. Yeah. MATT: All right. So now, Tiberius, Vax, you guys walk across the bridge, keeping grip both side rails, feeling it rock to and fro from the continuous warm bellowing of wind up from the cavern beneath you. Eventually you bring your way across. What looks like you should be stepping on terrain is still the bridge, and it takes you a minute to adjust to the fact that you're still going across the bridge, but it looks like rocky terrain. Eventually you make it to the other side and you grab purchase on stone. Looking ahead of you, you can see about 60 feet ahead of you the outskirts of the war camp. LIAM: Okay. Tiberius, you wait here, ready to run. I take Tiberius by the arm like this. Vox Machina. ORION: Vox Machina. (all laugh) LIAM: Okay. So I stealthily walk up to the closing distance to the edge of town and I stand there. I click my boots of haste together. LAURA: Oh god. ORION: As he runs off I cast Greater Invisibility on myself. MATT: All right. ORION: I cast Fly on myself and I hover. MATT: Both of those are concentration spells. ORION: Fuck! MATT: You can only have one of those up at any given point in time. ORION: I'll cast Fly, then. MATT: Okay. ORION: Yes. MATT: So you're now floating up. Okay. LIAM: Okay. ORION: And I'm at enough edge to where her illusions are, as well. MATT: Okay. ORION: But over the bridge just in case I fall. LAURA: (laughs) MATT: Okay, all right. So you're now just kinda hovering above the bridge now. You-- LIAM: I just clicked the boots. MATT: You feel the sudden surge of magical energy through your body like adrenaline just pumping into your system. LIAM: And I cry out full voice, listen up, you walking prawn, doom has come for you today. Step forth, you slimy bastard. LAURA: Oh fuck. (all laugh) ORION: As he does that I toss out three cards. MATT: All right. LAURA: Oh gosh. LIAM: Your trolls can't save you. ORION: Right at the rim of where the illusion stops. LAURA: I will find you. LIAM: No matter how far or how long. MATT: Been awhile since you've used those. (laughs) All right. Oh, okay. You shuffled these, right? TRAVIS: We should call this a rim job. ORION: Yes. MATT: All right. This will be very, very interesting. LIAM: Oh Jesus. LAURA: Oh god. TALIESIN: This is a good plan. SAM: You got your dice? TRAVIS: Sure it is. LIAM: It's a great plan. SAM: Use your dice. MARISHA: Are you convincing yourself or are you-- TALIESIN: This is a good plan. TRAVIS: We're on the safe side with Bad News and me. TALIESIN: We're fine. MARISHA: Yeah, I'm with you guys. We're fine. MATT: So currently one of the cards bursts and you can see rising up from its energy this awful-looking humanoid skeletal undead creature with long golden red robes, with this gnarled gold crown and these glowing blue eyes and just pure arcane energy across this horribly gnarled skeletal face. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: There stands this hideous-looking lich cackling to itself. ORION: Ah, the ace of spades-- two of spades, it changed, dammit. Looking at Pathfinder right now. (all laugh) Two of spades. LIAM: Tiberius, can we hit it and quit it? LAURA: What are the other ones? MATT: The other one (poof) and you see before you a kind of -- ORION: Flip them over, they have good graphics on the cover. MATT: It's nice. Through the smoke, you see what looks like some sort of a human kind of long, long-fighting warrior, grizzled, ready to fight, has a big old longsword out, armored up in scalemail, one eye is kinda wounded, and he just kinda sits there and growls with his blade ready. The third card. From the smoke appears a red-skinned dragonborn with long blue robes and a staff with a glowing beam of light on it. TRAVIS: Yes. ORION: Oh. It must be a joker. MATT: You see an exact duplicate of Tiberius now standing there as the three illusions stand. (all laugh) TRAVIS: Outstanding. MARISHA: That's perfect. MATT: Your cards are now spent, correct? ORION: Uh, no, they exist until I dispel them. MATT: Right, but I mean the actual cards don't go back in the deck. ORION: Yes, they do. MATT: They do, okay. All right, never mind. Okay. As you shout out, the card illusion appears. You see about five or six duergar kind of look out from a nearby tent and go-- and then start running toward the center of the town. MARISHA: Come here, bitches MATT: About 20 seconds pass. And then you start hearing this (boom boom boom boom). It sounds like a drum beat. LAURA: Oh my god. SAM: Cut the rope, cut the rope. LAURA: Not yet, not yet, not yet. SAM: Leave Vax there, let's go. (all laugh) MATT: At this point, you now see about 16 duergar come running out from the center of town, armored, weapons drawn, a few with crossbows, two trolls and an ogre charging out. You see the ogres holding this giant-- it looks like a stone slab for one of its clubs, and the two trolls just come with their claws open, rushing right towards you and the illusions. LAURA: Oh my gosh. LIAM: I start flipping-- ORION: I command the lich to start doing one of his glowy spells, and, like, through him, I go: (whispers) Come for us, your death awaits. (all laugh) MATT: All right. LIAM: And I flip the double birds and start walking backwards a little bit. SAM: Oh yes, that's even better! MARISHA: Just watch your step! LIAM: Yes, straight back. ORION: I command the soldier to start swinging his sword. MATT: As you're stepping back, four of the duergar immediately take, using their inertia, pull and release javelins in your direction. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: Oh god! MATT: All right, what's your AC? LAURA: Oh gosh. LIAM: My AC is 19. MATT: All right, you take two javelins-- LIAM: I'm gonna use Uncanny Dodge. For anything I can see, I can dodge for half damage, if I need to. MATT: All right, good to know. The first one strikes you in the torso for a total of 11 damage. LIAM: Shit, okay. ORION: Oh. MATT: The other hits you for a total of eight damage. LIAM: Is that the halved or--? ORION: Total. MATT: No, well, you can choose to half one. It's up to you, you choose which one. Probably the higher one. LIAM: Okay, so, it was 11 and eight? MATT: So it would be six. LIAM: Okay, six and eight, okay, 14. MATT: 14 points of damage with these just javelins hitting you like, oh, that's right. They have range! (all laugh) LIAM: Right, I knew this was coming. LAURA: Right! MATT: You can immediately see one of the trolls goes and just lunges forward and slashes the lich, just passing through its form. ORION: He lunges at the lich? MATT: Yeah. ORION: Sweet! MATT: It went through, it kinda loses its footing for a second, stops and kinda looks angry, turns and starts slashing at it again. LAURA: Run! Run away! SAM: -- fake ground. ORION: And I'm like-- MARISHA: Yeah, isn't he on the fake ground? The lich? ORION: Yes, yeah, he's like right at the edge. MATT: Yeah, right at the precipice. ORION: I can't throw my card on the fake ground. They'd fall. MATT: Yeah, so the troll kind of steps forward-- ORION: They're right at the edge, though. MATT: -- and the troll turns around and starts slashing. The other one goes right for the veteran. And (laughs) goes running right off the edge. LAURA: (gasps) ALL: Yes! SAM: The troll? MATT: That was the troll, just (falling sounds). The ogre goes running forward, right towards you. ORION: I command the-- LIAM: Yes? MATT: Just their speed, they're just the first ones to get there. Duergar have tiny legs. LIAM: (high-pitched voice) Where's the roll for initiative, man? LAURA: You're already back, you're at the bridge! MATT: This is what I'm saying, what are you doing? This is your reactionary part. We're just taking-- this isn't a battle, this is-- LIAM: Yeah, I'm backing it up, I'm running, man. MATT: All right, so you go charging back onto the bridge. As you go running, all right, both trolls and the ogre have just gone off the side. LAURA: Badass! (all cheer) MATT: You hear them screaming as they tumble into the darkness. LIAM: I'm laughing as I run. TRAVIS: Didn't occur to me that there is a bridge-- MATT: About four duergar also go spilling over the side, screaming as they tumble into the darkness. TRAVIS: Yes! MATT: The rest of them stop, kind of look around and-- SAM: This was a great plan! ORION: I start-- as that's happening, I start to pull back and float away and I'm commanding all of my guys to come through the bridge. Because I can command them within 30 feet. So they're now, they're all within 30 feet of me, retreating as well. MATT: Okay. As this is happening, you can now see some of the members of the duergar that are now at the edge are some of the elite guard, with the blackened armor you saw. They both kinda step forward and put their foot out, feeling for purchase, give a nod, pull out their swords, and start hacking at the bridge immediately. SAM: (gasps) Oh shit. LAURA: Shit. TALIESIN: All right, I'm taking a shot. LAURA: Can we-- does our aim reach? Our ranged attacks, do they reach? SAM: (whispers) You, fly? TRAVIS: No, he's got it. LAURA: Do ranged attacks reach? MATT: From this distance, it's gonna be a serious penalty. TALIESIN: I'm not! MATT: You don't, because you-- TALIESIN: I'm taking that shot, because I can shoot forever. MATT: Go for it. ORION: (gunshot) LIAM: I'm untying the carpet quickly. (all laugh) TALIESIN: Oh, for the love of god and all that is holy. MARISHA: (groans) Oh, no. TALIESIN: Misfire, I gotta-- LAURA: I can at least try, right? MATT: Go ahead and roll. As you-- You're at disadvantage. LAURA: Fail so hard. MATT: As your arrow (shooting sound) off, you (gun misfiring sound) and there's a slight delay, and you wonder, why isn't it working? And this horrible explosion sound bursts out as you can now see, black and red smoke pouring out of the front of the barrel of Bad News, and it burns your hands for a second and you're like, ah, shit, take a second to-- TALIESIN: All right, so I gotta stop and clean. MATT: Yeah, however, because you are unable to halt that, both of those duergar take shots at the bridge. TALIESIN: Damn it. MATT: Both hit with their swords. MARISHA: Are you on the carpet, Vax? TRAVIS: He's getting it out. LIAM: I don't know, I said I was. LAURA: Get on it, now. MATT: As you're running and pulling the carpet out-- LIAM: Yes! MATT: -- the bridge is cut clean-- LAURA: (gasps) MARISHA: Son of a bitch. MATT: -- and begins to fall out from under you. LIAM: Okay. MATT: You go pulling out the-- LIAM: Acrobatics check? MARISHA: Use them dex saves! MATT: This is gonna go ahead and be a dex check now. MARISHA: You've got advantage! MATT: You do. LAURA: Oh, good. LIAM: Okay, good, because the first roll was a one. The second roll was a 19. ORION: Yes! LIAM: Plus! Plus, plus, plus nine is 28. TRAVIS: Oh my god! You almost died! MATT: All right. You pull out the carpet. As you're going to set it down, as you feel the bridge beginning to like, give out from under you, you feel this creepy sensation pushing towards the back of your head. LAURA: Oh no! LIAM: Mm-hm. MATT: You guys, looking across, you can see now a familiar cloaked figure has emerged. (all gasp) SAM: Oh shit! LIAM: I drew him out. LAURA: Clean your gun, clean your gun! TALIESIN: I'm cleaning my gun. MATT: Go ahead and make a willpower saving throw. TRAVIS: Get your bow ready. LAURA: I am, I'm ready, it's too far! LIAM: I survive a free fall and you hit me with that right after? Yeah, will save? MATT: Willpower save. LIAM: So that's-- what is it, I've never done that? That's-- MATT: It's at the top of your sheet of your stats, above your stats, on the right of your stats. Oh, it's your wisdom saving. LIAM: Wisdom, okay. MATT: Wisdom. LIAM: Ow, not very good. Seven. MATT: Seven. LAURA: No! MATT: As you are running, you get the carpet out, you leap onto it and your whole sense and awareness of your surroundings just fades from you. You just feel your entire body going numb for a second and you just feel yourself falling. MARISHA: Holy shit. LAURA: Fly down! Get him! Get him! MATT: Falling back. ORION: Oh! Oh bother! Shoo! I go get him! LIAM: 29 dex save right down the toilet. MATT: You go and swoop down, fly. You manage to-- ORION: Is he conscious? MATT: He is just staring up at this moment. ORION: Very good. I go just to touch him, I am not trying to pull him up. MATT: Okay. LAURA: What? Try to grab him! Try to grab him! LIAM: Fly, he can fly me. SAM: He is falling! ORION: He is falling. Fly! LIAM: Like Superman. MATT: You cast Fly on him? All right! ORION: Now fly, damn it. MATT: He is still just kind of standing there, not doing anything. As you finish casting the Fly spell, your Fly spell dissipates because it's a concentration spell and you can have one at a given time. ORION: Wait, you're unconscious? LIAM: I don't know what I am. ORION: I ask right now, is he-- MARISHA: He's like catatonic. ORION: He is, okay. Then I don't do that, because you can't fly yourself, so I do grab him, this time. MATT: Okay, you grab him as his whole weight goes onto you. What's your strength? ORION: Oh my god. LIAM: It has been nice knowing you, ladies and gentlemen. ORION: 12. LAURA: No, no, no. MATT: Go ahead and make an athletics check. MARISHA: Come on, Tiberius. LAURA: Can we see this all happening off to the side? SAM: Plus eight. LAURA: Keyleth! TALIESIN: It's happening very fast. LIAM: Oh, shit, can I use-- ORION: It's a 21. MATT: 21? You rush down, diving, you grab the back of his armor. As you yank up on him, you manage to just pull him across and get him to the other edge. The flying carpet, however, has plummeted down in-- ALL: No! TRAVIS: Son of a bitch. LAURA: You lost our flying carpet, you unconscious bastard! MATT: However, Tiberius swoops up. You guys just see them both plummet into darkness and then flying up at the edge of the crevasse on your side, Tiberius clutching your brother, currently just staring off into space and dropping him down with a dull sound. LAURA: Vax! MATT: The bridge slaps onto the side of the cavern. LIAM: Mawp. LAURA: And I run over to Vax. LIAM: Mawp. LAURA: And I'm like trying to figure out what's wrong with him. TRAVIS: The magic carpet is done? MATT: It just disappeared into the darkness below. LAURA: Oh no! TRAVIS: (tearfully) I have to erase it. MARISHA: Bye, carpet. TALIESIN: No. SAM: That was our ticket across the chasm. LIAM: Yes. MARISHA: I loved that carpet, damn it. MATT: About a minute passes or so, you come back to your senses. LAURA: Oh, good. LIAM: I got to get the carpet. (all laugh) TALIESIN: Can I clean my gun? ORION: I slap him with Mage Hand. Snap out of it! LIAM: What happened? What happened? TRAVIS: Wait, do we leave or-- LAURA: No, wait-- TALIESIN: They are still across there, aren't they? MATT: You can see across the way that there are a bunch of them just standing at the edge. TALIESIN: I wanna take a shot at the-- LAURA: At the-- LIAM: Noodle-face, yeah. MATT: Okay, go for it. LAURA: Oh, man! SAM: You can see them and they control you. LAURA: Right in the noggin. LIAM: Shoot it in the eye, man. ORION: Not from that distance, I don't think. His sniper rifle goes far. TALIESIN: Hm, that's a 23. MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll the damage. Across the way you can hear the resounding (gunshot). TALIESIN: Ah, yeah! That don't suck! 20 points of damage. MATT: 20 points of damage! Nice. You just see this blast of red and flame across the way and the figure is just knocked off its feet, about ten feet back. (all laugh) LAURA: Can you shoot him again? TALIESIN: Yes. MARISHA: It's just a carnival game for Percy at this point. MATT: At this point in time you can now see the duergar looking up and backing away from the cliff side. TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: You come to the bridge, which is just dangling off the side now. LIAM: We're on the goblin side, now? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: You're on the goblin side and the bridge is just dangling down into darkness. TALIESIN: That felt pretty good, too. LIAM: Who wants to have a picnic? ORION: I mean, seriously. MARISHA: So how many (monster sounds) are over there ? MATT: You only saw the one. MARISHA: And how many duergar left? How many-- ORION: Yes, how many are left after all that? MARISHA: After they fell into-- MATT: After all that, you saw a few more kind of filter out from the town, you have probably about 25 visible at that moment that have all backed. TALIESIN: I'm going to hang on him visually and I'm gonna wait to take another shot until he tries to stand up again. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: So if he tries to stand up again, I want to shoot him again. LAURA: But wait, you can shoot him while he's on the ground! Can't you? TALIESIN: That's so much more fun to wait. MATT: You can shoot him, but it's at disadvantage to shoot someone who's prone. LAURA: He's on the ground? MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: Technically, he's got cover. And it's funnier to just wait. MATT: A moment passes and he kind of drifts back up. Take another shot. TALIESIN: Taking another shot. MARISHA: Come on, Percy. LIAM: Come on, baby. TALIESIN: He's such an asshole. MARISHA: Like fish in a barrel. LIAM: Come on, Von Rolo! TALIESIN: 15. MATT: 15? Unfortunately, it does not hit. LIAM: (ricochet noise) MATT: At that distance, with the darkness, it's very hard to get your bead on him at that point. So you (gunshot), fires off, you can now see it drift away-- LAURA: Fudge! MATT: -- and all the rest of the duergar are now retreating into the city. TALIESIN: Man! LAURA: What're you gonna do? All of our shit's gone. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Okay. What're we gonna do? Leave? LAURA: Maybe we can-- can we walk up and see-- ORION: Let's take a short rest. LAURA: -- if we can find another bridge? ORION: While we're figuring this out. MATT: If you want to. Okay. So you walk over to the edge, and you kind of look across to the sides. Make a perception check. TALIESIN: I'll assist. LAURA: Oh, 20! LIAM: 20. TALIESIN: Never mind! LAURA: No, no assistance needed. MATT: Natural 20? LIAM: Yeah. TALIESIN: Never mind. MATT: Natural 20. LAURA & LIAM: Yes. Plus-- LAURA: Plus my perception? LIAM: (high-pitched) Natural 20 motherfucker! LAURA: My perception is six. LIAM: (high-pitched) Automatic win! MATT: You glance over the side-- (all laugh) -- and looking down, you can see the bridge is just kind of like drifting from the air that's flowing, and you can just see the-- and it's not like the whole bottom floor is all lava, there's just streaks of it pouring down from whatever the interior of this lower chasm is. You see, at the edge of the rope break, which goes down for a good 150, 200 feet or so, dangling, and there's a tiny little flicker of material-- LAURA: (gasps) MATT: -- wrapped up in the ropes of the rope bridge. LAURA: Oh my god. TRAVIS: It's the carpet! SAM: Material? It's the carpet! MATT: It's the carpet! It seems to be the carpet. TALIESIN: Okay. We have an infinite rope! MARISHA: Oh! Go! LAURA: We have infinite rope! I'm gonna tie it to myself-- ORION: Wait, hold on a second-- TALIESIN: We're gonna lower you down. ORION: Is it still-- it's just at the end of the-- all the way down there? MATT: Mm-hm. ORION: So I fly down there-- LAURA: No-- aww. ORION: -- and go get it! SAM: Yeah, that makes sense. LAURA: Oh, all right. ORION: It's still in effect! MATT: Mm-hm. SAM: Okay, watch out for that warm air, whatever that was. MATT: So. ORION: Ooh. You're right. I take out an empty bottle while I do this. MATT: All right. You glide down along the base of the cut rope bridge, and there, just barely hanging on by just haphazardly falling and tangling itself in the ropes is the flying carpet. As you float down, you now get a little bit of a better view, as your staff is lit, you can see, about another 150 feet down below you, a little bit of a reflection of your light. It's currently just kind of rippling and shifting. LAURA: (gasps) It's water down there? MARISHA, SAM: It's water? MATT: It appears to be some sort of water surface below you. About 150 feet down. SAM: I thought there was lava-- TRAVIS: I run and jump off the cliff! MATT: There are streaks of lava-- LAURA: No you don't. MATT: -- pouring, like from the ceiling and portions of the wall-- TRAVIS: Yep, and I jumped all the way down. LAURA: It's 1000 feet down. MATT: -- but it's all just kind of pouring down and pooling at the edges and then cooling. LAURA: It's 1000 feet. LIAM: That's a big belly flop. TRAVIS: I have great form in mid-air. SAM: So there, it's a river-- ORION: And you don't know this yet. LAURA: Do you want to die? MATT: And you can see the waterfall, it's cascading over the side-- TRAVIS: It's water. LAURA: You're being incredibly childish. Don't do that. MATT: -- is currently rushing past you at about 30 feet to your right, and it seems to be splashing into this pool below. LAURA: Don't. Dive. 1000 fucking feet. ORION: Waterfall. Ah! I retrieve the magic carpet. MATT: You grab the magic carpet, you roll it up, make your way back up to the surface. MARISHA: Carpet! ORION: Ah, here you are. By the way, cool stuff down there. It's actually not lava, it's water! Aha. Believe it or not. LAURA: Water? How far down from the bridge? ORION: It's about 150 feet from the bridge, but it's about 1000 feet down all the way. We could traverse down, somehow, and I think it would be a nice place to go explore. SAM: Place to go explore? ORION: Especially because we have nothing else to do, and-- SAM: Well, we could go to the camp and go kick some-- LAURA: Well, look, we know-- we can't get over there. SAM: But we have a carpet now! ORION: Oh, that's right. LAURA: Oh. TRAVIS: Yeah, but we go over one at a time and then we're waiting for-- MARISHA: Ah, fly me down with you. LAURA: The thing is-- SAM: The three of us can fly. MARISHA: Tiberius and I are going to fly down. LAURA: The thing is, we know that-- MARISHA: On the carpet. LAURA: -- deeper down is where they've gone. MARISHA: Yes. That's true. LAURA: So probably it'd be best to go down. We could have avoided all of this bullshit if we'd just have known-- LIAM: But we didn't know, and if there's-- MARISHA: I don't wanna fight, I don't wanna fight that guy. LIAM: -- if there's more than one of them these, though, he's gone boodle-oodle-ooo to his friends right now, I mean-- LAURA: Right. LIAM: -- if we can it'd be good to put this guy in the ground. SAM: I'm all for going-- MARISHA: I don't know. Okay, take me down-- SAM: There's a tunnel back there-- MARISHA: Hang on, let me, let's go see, let's go see. SAM: -- back, past that village, that they're protecting. ORION: Well, I'm still flying, you can take-- Percy, would you like to come? TALIESIN: Oh, all right. MARISHA: I've-- to ride the carpet down to the bottom with Percy and Tiberius. ORION: Well, I-- whoever's going down should be on the carpet, 'cause I can still fly. MARISHA: Right. ORION: So, I don't need it. MARISHA: Me and Percy are on the carpet. MATT: All right, so the two of you get on the carpet, you drift down, and you begin to make your way down this giant crevasse. As you get down, the air gets warmer and warmer, and you begin to see as you come down, a good 600 feet now at this point, into this much larger space than the one you guys are currently above. It's like a giant, triangular, open cavern down here. It kind of funnels up into where the bridge was. MARISHA: Do I see any tunnels, or areas that look like it leads someplace of interest? MATT: As you look down, there is definitely a large pool of water that leads off into a few other underground rivers that spill off into the mountainside itself. There are sections of the wall where lava is pouring out, where there seems to be some sort of a vent or some sort of opening into some magma reserve, and there are about three of them that are pouring out, and kind of drifting down. One of them is pooling and cooling as it hits the water, and it's just kind of this perpetually glowing mass of slow-growing rock. There also appears to be one that is just continuing to flow that leads, kind of, back in the direction where you guys came, but underneath. There's one big lava pool that is spilling, and then kind of giving a little bit of light to the inside of a tunnel that continues further down at a decline. The opposite side-- SAM: Lava tunnels? What, are you crazy? MARISHA: I keep going. SAM: Sorry, yes? MATT: That's okay. MARISHA: Are you done? MATT: On the opposite side, you can see there's a small outcropping and a smaller waterfall that is pouring out of the side of the mountain, like another sea is now meeting the river underneath, and that is just kind of cascading out from the side of the rock, dropping about 30 or 40 feet, and hitting the edge of the rock pool. MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: On Cthulhu's side, you're talking about? MATT: On Cthulhu's side. Yeah. ORION: I think we should-- MARISHA: I say, Tiberius, give me some light? ORION: Oh! MARISHA: And I take-- and I cast Control Water, and I just take the pool-- the water in the bottom of the pool, and I bend it, and I part the pool, and I take it and I cascade it all the way up, following the lava flows. MATT: Okay. Just so you're aware, the pool is about 600 feet across. (all laugh) MARISHA: I can part seas with this. MATT: Right. So you can part elements of it, but like, it is a large, large, large body of water. MARISHA: Oh, okay, okay. Well I'm taking-- okay. I don't necessarily part it, but I take the water, and I draw it up, cascading along the edges following all the lava streams going into the tunnels. MATT: Okay, another thing you notice, is there are two trolls and an ogre currently trying to stay afloat, as one of them just (sucking sound) gets pulled under the water. LAURA: Gets pulled under? MATT: Yes. SAM: (yells) MATT: You begin moving the water to the sides and you begin to cool some of the lava flows. ORION: Oh, that's awesome. MATT: You can see the glowing red magma begin to cool to a dark black and become solid. As it does you can see parts of it crack, as the magma's still pushing out. But you're definitely staunching the flow. MARISHA: I'm gonna kind of push it, you said there was a tunnel kind of going up into Cthulhu side? MATT: Yeah, there is a tunnel that seemed-- the opening leads to the back, and there's a waterfall that is pouring out from that side. ORION: Waterfall. MARISHA: There's a waterfall. MATT: Waterfall. ORION: Not a lava fall. MATT: The lava flow is going down the opposite direction. MARISHA: But there's like a tunnel kind of carving out that way? MATT: Yeah. Like a large opening that continues further down. MARISHA: Okay, I take all of the water, and I really just concentrate, and I gather just a big tube, and I push it down that tunnel. MATT: Okay, so the best-- the water that you gather from this, you force into a quick geyser in that direction. As it sprays across the front, you can see it begins to cool some of the magma. It's a pretty hefty flow, you manage to slow it, and you do cool parts of it, but it's gonna be difficult and take you a while, if you're just constantly pushing water on it, to give the flow any sort of serious stop. You notice the lava flow doesn't coat the entire floor of the tunnel, just a side of it. It's almost like there's some portion of it that is walkable, adjacent to the lava. ORION: We can also go in the not-lava cave, Keyleth. MARISHA: I'm sorry, that lava cave just looks important. ORION: I know. Because of the lava. MARISHA: Yeah. ORION: Let's go tell the others what we've found, and then we'll come back and decide which way to go. MARISHA: Okay, okay. TALIESIN: Sometimes a lava cave is just a lava cave. ORION: I fly back up. MATT: Okay. ORION: Guys. Blah-blah-blah-blah. SAM: So here's my thoughts. MATT: The other troll. (sucking sound) Pulled beneath the surface. SAM: Yeah, so, I don't wanna go down there-- MARISHA: Also, it looks like there's something eating those trolls. SAM: -- there's things pulling trolls. Yeah, let's not go down there where there's things eating trolls! Why don't we just-- ORION: In the water? SAM: Yeah! MATT: Yeah. In the giant water pool in the bottom. LAURA: Wait, but we're gonna have to go down eventually, so. LIAM: Maybe. SAM: Why? LAURA: Okay. SAM: Why do we have to go down there, there's nothing that we need down there! ORION: But across the way is a 25-man battle with a huge, nasty boss. SAM: There's seven of us and one of us is Grog! LAURA: Well, everybody keeps saying that everything is deeper and deeper, so I think we're gonna have to go-- MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: -- deep down. Eventually. MARISHA: I agree with Vex on this one. LIAM: Well, hold on. SAM: Deep into the tunnels. LIAM: All those assholes are still standing on the edge across there. Do we have-- we've flown out of a falling tower before, we were all able to do it, can we just fly up and over those shitheads and go towards the tunnel? ORION: Not with the eye of that mind flayer. LAURA: Yeah. It can grab us. MARISHA: Yeah, look what it did to you! ORION: I don't trust it. LAURA: Exactly. LIAM: Can't we go 150 feet in the air, and-- LAURA: The tunnel doesn't go that high. MARISHA: I think you were at least 150 feet across that bridge when he did that to you. LAURA: Yeah. It can grab us from there. SAM: We can try-- LIAM: I was on the bridge when that happened-- MATT: You were on the bridge when that happened, you were-- LIAM: -- and fell down. I wasn't way above. MARISHA: But the bridge was like 250 feet across, right? MATT: Right. You were about, loosely, 80 feet across when it got you. LIAM: When it got me. ORION: So its range is probably like 100 feet. LIAM: And you said it's 150-ish feet in here, though, to the ceiling? MATT: To the ceiling it's about 150 feet, yeah. LIAM: We can go-- LAURA: But the tunnel, oh-- TALIESIN: They have ranged weapons as well. LAURA: (quietly) I think we should go down! SAM: But what is down there? TRAVIS: If we don't find out. LAURA: Kima! TRAVIS: You can drop me like a depth charge. SAM: But there's no sign of anything intelligent down there, other than something that's eating trolls underwater. It could be just giant whales down there! We have no idea! There's no sign of humans at all! It's lava and death animals! LAURA: Maybe, okay. If I go down there-- ORION: There's more like tunnels, that go further-- LAURA: -- and look in one of the tunnels-- MARISHA: Tunnels that go deeper! LAURA: -- can I look in one of the tunnels and see if I find tracks? If I do, can we go that way? SAM: How're you gonna go in the tunnels? LAURA: I've got a flying carpet! SAM: There's lava! LAURA: There's tunnels that don't have lava flowing into them. SAM: If you burn-- MARISHA: And I can control water for at least an hour. ORION: There's, so, down there, there's a big pool of water-- MARISHA: It lasts a while. ORION: -- a tunnel going towards the mind flayer side, with no lava-- LAURA: Exactly! ORION: -- and then there's another cave with lava-- LAURA: There is a tunnel that we can walk in. ORION: -- that we can go, going away from him. TALIESIN: Let's see if there's anything resembling tracks-- LAURA: Yes! MARISHA: I'll go with Vex that-a-way. I can cool lava as we go. LAURA: Please, Scanlan, let me look for tracks. Please? SAM: Tracks in a river? LAURA: Tracks in a tunnel. SAM: It's not that kind of a tunnel! LAURA: It is! SAM: There's water flowing in it! MATT: There is, on-- Okay. In a giant cavern, there is, towards the side where you guys kind of entered, underneath where you first came in-- LAURA: Yes. MATT: -- there is a descending, large tunnel, of which there are a series of lava flows that kind of pool into one river of lava that covers half of that path down-- LAURA: Okay. LIAM: In the direction of goblin town. MATT: Correct. LAURA: Okay. MATT: Towards the other side, the-- LIAM: The Cthulhu side. MATT: The cavern ends and there is a waterfall pouring out of the side of the wall-- SAM: Can't go in there. MATT: -- that just kind of flows down-- SAM: Oh, so there's a cavern opening? MATT: No, no. There is a-- there-- well, there is essentially a hole where water is pouring out of. SAM: Can't go in there. LAURA: Oh. MARISHA: We can go in there! TALIESIN: But we can go in the one with lava. SAM: There's water pouring out of it! MARISHA: I can make that stop happening. SAM: But what would we find in a tunnel with water pouring out of it? It's not like anything lives up there! MARISHA: I'm just-- I would much rather face random beasts who are just random beasts, than mind flayers who can suck my brain out. TALIESIN: There would be no random beasts, though, it's just nothing but plumbing. LIAM: Yes, but Kima did not fall prey to random beasts, she fell prey to these shits. LAURA: All right, fine! Let's do whatever you guys want to do. MARISHA: I think-- I don't think a boss battle-- I don't think we can fight this guy and win! TRAVIS: Vote. Vote. For fuck's sake, vote. Put it to a vote. LIAM: Vote, yes. SAM: All right. All in favor of going to the duergar village and facing the giant fucker. LIAM: Up and over, up and over! SAM: Or up and over. Or at least getting past it. That direction. That's four of us. TRAVIS: That's four. SAM: All in favor of going into the lava flows, to find something. LAURA: Water holes! LIAM: Water holes or fire holes? MARISHA: Water holes! SAM: Mm. Mm. MARISHA: Tiberius, you haven't voted! ORION: A Draconian does not vote. TRAVIS: What are you, Switzerland? C'mon. LAURA: It's four against us anyway. MARISHA: A Draconian-- you come from a political family! LAURA: We gotta go that way. ORION: Well, I don't vote. I don't believe in our system. Anyway, that's none of your business. SAM: Are you a communist? (all laugh) ORION: I don't know what that means! LIAM: Now. Tiberius can fly, Keyleth is an eagle who can carry a gnome, and maybe my sister? LAURA: Ugh, no. LIAM: And that leaves Percy and Grog and I on the flying carpet. Can it hold our weight? Let's give it a little test? LAURA: And Trinket! MARISHA: Okay, well, if this doesn't work, we're going to the tunnel. MATT: The flying carpet can't carry Grog on his own. LAURA: No, then I can't carry Grog. TALIESIN: You can, on the other hand, use-- MARISHA: Can't-- wait, wait, wait. Why can't, why can't Vex and I just, at least, go check it out before we do this? LIAM: You lost the vote, Keyleth. You lost the vote. MARISHA: (sighs) LAURA: I think we should go. LIAM: Feather Fall-- MARISHA: Let's do it! Fuck it! LAURA: Going! MARISHA: They don't control us! LAURA: We're going. MARISHA: Let's do it. We're going. MATT: All right, So, what, you ladies hop on the flying carpet? LAURA & MARISHA: Yes. LIAM: The fellowship has broken. MATT: (laughs) So, as you guys are discussing this-- SAM: Wait, you're stealing our flying carpet? (all laugh) MATT: The two ladies have leaped on the flying carpet-- MARISHA: We're just checking it out! We're coming back! We're coming back. LAURA: We're coming back! ORION: Throw a red one! Throw a red one. MARISHA: Just wait ten god damn minutes. MATT: They shout, as they disappear, into the darkness below the cavern. LIAM: The mind flayer isn't on pause! LAURA: Okay, I could, I have, wait! I have a-- ORION: That was gonna go right in my mouth! LAURA: I have a lantern. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Yeah. Cause I have a dungeoneering kit. TALIESIN: Oh, cool! Yellow. MATT: All right. So you pull out your lantern, as the two of you are going down towards the water-- LAURA: Part the water! MATT: -- the rest of you kind of stand at the edge of the crevasse going, 'Uh...' ORION: I follow. I follow. LAURA: Part the water! MARISHA: I take the river flow, where the water's flow is coming out of this waterfall-- LIAM: Meanwhile the mind flayer's saying, (gravelly voice) 'I haven't got all day.' MARISHA: -- and I reverse it. MATT: All right. So as you guys float down-- ORION: I follow. MATT: -- the two trolls that were missing-- the ogre is not anywhere to be seen. TRAVIS: Fly, you fools! LIAM: (laughs) MATT: -- there's just a slight ripple in the water's surface. LAURA: We don't wanna land, we just wanna go towards the tunnel. MATT: Right. As you staunch the water supply of this waterfall, it just kind of holds it in place, with enough of a force that the water coming out is being balanced by the force you're putting back on it, it's just kind of holding it there. LAURA: Can you lower the water, so we can fly-- MATT: However, as the water vanishes, beneath where the waterfall was, you can see an actual small tunnel that's carved into the rock-- LAURA: Fuck all y'all bitches! TALIESIN: Whoa. (laughs) LIAM: Well, wanna go down? LAURA: Let's go in there! TRAVIS: That doesn't do anything yet! We don't know! LAURA: Let's go into the tunnel. SAM: Meanwhile, back up top, I'm saying, they're not gonna find anything. They're not gonna find any tunnels. (all laugh) TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm agreeing with Scanlan, and I am mooning off the cliff's face. LAURA: So I'm stealthing, let's stealth? Let's be very quiet. MARISHA: Okay. ORION: Hold on. MATT: All right. LAURA: Can you turn into an animal? ORION: I fly back up to tell them what's going on. MARISHA: Oh, I can! I go into a black panther form. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Scanlan, remember when we had women in this party? LAURA: Okay, and I stealth. SAM: (laughs) MATT: Okay, both of you guys roll stealth. MARISHA: Panthers have, like, advantage on stealth, something like that? MATT: They have advantage on stealth check. Yeah. ORION: You guys are just in further then? MARISHA: 16. 13. So 16 plus whatever-- MATT: Plus your dex. LAURA: 15. MARISHA: -- the dex of the panther is. LAURA: Plus, oh. MARISHA: No, it's whatever the dex-- it's gonna be like-- ORION: Oh. TALIESIN: (sings) The dex of the panther-- MARISHA: It's gonna be like 20 or something like that. MATT: All right. You guys move-- are you staying on the carpet? LAURA: No, we're like hopping down off the carpet, and I just want to look around for tracks! MARISHA: Plus four. ORION: I take the carpet-- MARISHA: No, plus six. ORION: -- and then I bring it up, while I tell them all that stuff. MATT: Okay, so you go back down-- LAURA: What! You took our carpet? ORION: Oh yes, because they need it to get down here as well. LAURA: Oh, we're going-- okay, you guys are joining us. All right. ORION: I was-- MARISHA: No, we were scouting. LAURA: I'm just looking for tracks right now, Tiberius. ORION: Yeah and I followed you, saw what was going on, took your carpet, and I'm giving it back to them. LAURA: Oh my god. MATT: So as you guys are-- MARISHA: You can't take our carpet, we're on the carpet. ORION: Oh, I thought you guys hopped off. MATT: No, you guys stepped off the carpet, she said, and you transformed, began stealthing in. MARISHA: Oh, that's right. We did transform. Okay, sure, you can take the carpet. MATT: As you're doing that you turn around and see Tiberius had rolled the carpet and is currently taking it away. LAURA: You motherfucker. MATT: So you guys are on the bottom of this crevasse and Tiberius disappears into the darkness. Okay, well, go ahead and roll-- this would be survival for tracking? Just to get an idea for anything around you see. LAURA: 16. MATT: You do see some scratches into the mud of the surface there that lead into a tunnel. You see drag marks, you see footprints, and that's the best you can make out at this in this point in time. But the footprints appear to be dwarven, or dwarf-sized in nature. MARISHA: Can I do a nature check to see what the scratch marks look like? If they look like any type of beast I might recognize. MATT: The scratch marks are across the ground, it looks just like fingers being pulled through. MARISHA: Any type of residue, any type of slime? MATT: No that you can tell, no. LAURA: Can we see where the tunnel leads? MATT: From what you can see, there's no light source in there. LAURA: We have the light, remember, when I-- MATT: So you take a lantern and put it inside. The tunnel goes back about 25 feet and then stops. It's just a little alcove. You see within the tunnel a series of skeletons or bodies that are partially decomposed. TALIESIN: Oh. God. MATT: And you see what looks like a pile of rags in the corner. TRAVIS: Go check it out. LAURA: So we can either run or loot. What should we do? TRAVIS: No, go check it out, ladies. SAM: They're not gonna find anything. MARISHA: They're telling us not to be stupid because we don't have support. Should we be stupid? TRAVIS: Grog says yes. LAURA: Oh, I'm so scared, but okay, here's the thing, I remember another situation very similar to this. ORION: It was terrible. LAURA: And it was the lair of one of those umber hulks. MARISHA: Right. Why don't we just go back maybe to the entrance of the-- LIAM: Vex'ahlia, what is going on down there? TRAVIS: No no no no. Be thorough. (all laugh) LAURA: Oh brother, I think we found the lair of the umber hulk TRAVIS: Are you sure? LAURA: Oh, pretty damn sure. MATT: It's very-- well, the actual tunnel is maybe about five to eight feet across and it would not be able to fit an umber hulk. LAURA: Oh, really? Can I go along the walls very stealthily and see if I can find any opening, anything else? MATT: As you step inside and put your hands across the walls-- TALIESIN, LAURA: Oh God. Oh. MATT: --what you do notice is, the walls are solid. This appears to have been carved out over time. And as you move in, you begin to see the rags, and the pile of rags is less a pile of rags and more some sort of humanoid curled up in on the inside. Unconscious, asleep, or dead. Not moving. MARISHA: What is she-- what do they look like? MATT: You can't tell from here. It's just like kind of curled over in the corner. TRAVIS: Go in there. TALIESIN: I'd like to roll a save against smugness really quickly. Can I save against smugness? I feel a wave of smugness in here. MATT: I think you might. You're not saved against smugness, Percy. LAURA: Keyleth, I think you should turn into an eagle. Can she turn into something big enough that can carry me? MATT: She can. Yeah. A giant eagle, I believe you can. LAURA: What if you turn into something big enough that it can carry me, I hop on your back and we throw something at it? And then fly away. (all laugh) MATT: While you guys are having this conversation, 'cause you're talking to each other-- LAURA: Fuck. We were talking really quietly. MATT: -- the thing in the corner kind of rouses and shoots up out of sudden fear movement, looking about. You see, dressed in rags-- you guys are seeing this for the first time, but it's familiar. Smooth head, purplish and blue in color, a series of tentacles in its mouth. A giant scar drawn across one of its eyes, and it looks filthy, and it looks desperate. And just looks at the two of you and you hear a sudden voice in your minds. LAURA: Oh fuck! MATT: No movement, just conversation, saying, "What, who are you?" MARISHA: I drop to my knees and I look at him and just say, it's okay, we're friends. MATT: He puts up a hand like this and you see there's a flicker of arcane energy and a barrier appears between you and this creature. And just looks. MARISHA: I take my Druidcraft and I just make a little flower. LAURA: Oh my God. (all laugh) MARISHA: And there's a pretty little tulip and I lay it at the edge of the barrier. LIAM: (Gollum voice) Nasty. MATT: Make a persuasion check. (all laugh) With disadvantage. MARISHA: With disadvantage? Okay. Nine. MATT: Okay, nine total? LAURA: Oh no. MARISHA: I'm not a very charismatic person. MATT: It holds its place, and the voice again hits your mind and says, "How did you find me? What is your purpose here?" ORION: I fly back down. TRAVIS: No, no, no! LAURA: We don't mean to disturb you, great sire. MATT: "You will die if you try anything." LAURA: We're not going to! MATT: "I will not fall here, I will not die here." LAURA: We mean to help you! We mean to find our way out, and find our friend. That's all. MARISHA: We don't want to die either. LAURA: Please. Who did this to you? We can help you. MARISHA: Let's not die together. MATT: You can see as you get a better look at it, it definitely has a large scar across part of its face, and it looks to be wearing remnants of a robe similar to what Scanlan was describing. However, it is tattered, it's dirtied, sullied by the elements and god knows what other liquids. It also has this strange kind of metallic skull cap that's currently placed around its head. And it just, "Leave me in peace, then, or give me a reason not to slay you where you stand." LIAM: (whispers) Revenge. LAURA: We can help you get revenge against your brethren who did this to you. MATT: There's a slight change in mood, you just feel. "Revenge?" LAURA: Yes. MATT: Make a persuasion check. TRAVIS: Roll the shit out of that new dice. MARISHA: Come on, Vex. LAURA: 19? ORION: Yes! MATT: The barrier flickers and dissipates. It reaches over and grabs what looks like a gnarled stick. Pulls itself up onto its legs, now what looked like a small minuscule creature is now, even in his terrible hunched form, is standing extremely tall, like scraping the top of this maybe eight-foot-tall ceiling in this tunnel. MARISHA: (meekly) Hi. MATT: It takes a step forward and says, "Revenge? You speak of revenge. This is a language I wish to know very well." MARISHA: You found the right motley crew. (all laugh) LAURA: Should we bring it with us? MARISHA: Would you like to come with us? LAURA: To leave this cavern? MARISHA: Meet our friends? We have friends. MATT: It kind of gives you both a look and you hear this-- There's a slight lurching to it as it gives this horrible guttural-- (low chuckle) "Friends? That's a word I haven't heard in a long time. Not one I take to heart, but allies, in time, that I can understand. Take me to your allies." LAURA: Tiberius? ORION: Mm, yes? LAURA: Maybe you can send that fucking carpet back down. (all laugh) ORION: I'll be right there, I was trying to get the rest of the party here, but everyone's being buttholes. I fly back down with the carpet. MATT: You come down with the carpet. At the edge of this opening, you see Keyleth, you see Vex, both emerge with a horrible tentacle-faced gnarled being with a staff coming out with them. ORION: Hello? MARISHA: Tiberius-- ORION: Oh, did you make a friend? MARISHA: We did! See! Friends! ORION: Wonderful! MARISHA: This is-- What's your name? MATT: Looks about to you, then looks at Tiberius and says, ignoring your question, "You have persuasion to the arcane." ORION: Yes, I'm a sorcerer! I do all kinds of fun things with the arcane! MATT: "We shall talk." ORION: Very good, I'm always willing to learn. Seems you are very powerful. MATT: "My name... Clarota." ALL: Clarota. MARISHA: Can we call you Clarence for short? MATT: "No!" (all laugh) MARISHA: Okay! Clar-ota ALL: Clarota. LIAM: Sounds Spanish. LAURA: Please, join us on the carpet. SAM: Can he fit on the carpet? LIAM: He is very thin. LAURA: She can fly. MARISHA: I'll fly. ORION: The rest of our allies are up. MATT: He carefully steps on the carpet, once again like its tentacles are (slithering noises). LAURA: I keep a distance. MATT: Moving around, its mouth and its eyes are constantly darting, it looks extremely nervous and almost like a cornered animal that's just barely being coaxed onto this journey. You see with each step it takes there a slight flicker of arcane energy at the tip of its fingers, like it's just prepared for anything to go terribly wrong. It steps onto the carpet and goes, "Take me to your allies." ORION: Ah yes, we have wonderful allies! MARISHA: You can even maybe call them friends, even? LAURA: Not just yet! MATT: It crosses its legs and sits on the carpet, holding its staff to its chest on the far corner staring at all of you and says, "Go. Now." LAURA: Hold on tight. MATT: You guys make your way up to the top, eventually you see the carpet (whoosh) over the edge of the crevasse, come down to a rest, as your party has now brought with you the stuff of nightmares. (all laugh) SAM: That is the thing I saw in the village! LAURA: Hold on! Hold on! TRAVIS: What is that? Oh my god! MATT: At which point, it's leapt off at this point, hovering about and you can see this crackle of fire in its hand and it goes, (panicked noises) LAURA: No! No! ORION: I'm standing between them, like, it's okay! These are the allies we speak of! LAURA: Peace, friends! We are ourselves! ORION: Grog, don't do anything! LAURA: We are not controlled. ORION: Don't use a whip, Scanlan, sing a friendly song as he is our friend-- ally. To the guy. Ally. He is-- He's in a little spot of trouble and we are going to help him get revenge, or something of the sort. SAM: He's a friend? Help-- ORION: He prefers-- MATT: "Ally." LAURA: Ally. SAM: Ally. MARISHA: Ally. SAM: Ally. TALIESIN: Ally? TRAVIS: What's on your head? MATT: He kind of gives you this keen look of, huh, the least person I expected to ask a question. (all laugh) It kind of hobbles forward with its gnarled staff, and says, "I was cast out from my hive. I was cursed with the mark of the arcane. My people see that as an ill omen. I was discarded, left to die." LAURA: Let's destroy your hive. MATT: "No." LAURA: No? MATT: "You see, the hive is sick. The mind that keeps us safe is no longer its own." ORION: Oh? MATT: "One, an alien one, has come and taken the mind hostage, it has taken my people as its own playthings. I was able to escape its mental grasp." It reaches up and taps the metal on its head. LAURA: Oh! Tinfoil hat! MARISHA, TALIESIN: Magneto helmet! MARISHA: This is the guy we've needed this whole time! MATT: "My people will not so easily escape its grasp, they are now under the control of this creature." MARISHA: So if we did it-- SAM: If we find this creature, we might be able to free your hive as well. MATT: "That would be why I wish to have your alliance." LAURA: Yes. MATT: "Help me free our hivemind, free my people." TRAVIS: (whispers) Sense motive. LAURA: Oh yeah, can we sense motive on him? MATT: (laughs) You definitely can! LAURA: Oh gosh. TRAVIS: I would do it, but-- MARISHA: We should also have him help us in your-- MATT: I would put this in a group sense motive right now. TALIESIN: Yeah! All right! MATT: Everyone roll! ORION: I rolled 14. LAURA: I rolled-- what do we add to it? MATT: Sense motive in this would be your insight, sorry. Pathfinder to Fifth Edition! LAURA: Insight? 24. MARISHA: 18? TRAVIS: 16. ORION: 14. TALIESIN: Natural one. LAURA: (laughs) Four? LIAM: Four. TRAVIS: 16! SAM: 13. TRAVIS: (happy scream) 16! (all laugh) MATT: Okay! SAM: You're a people person! MATT: Through your intense grasping this creature's disposition, best you can, as alien and unfamiliar as its mannerisms and speech and interests may be, you get the feeling that it's speaking out of desperation and it's speaking out of genuine interest. You've piqued it with the hint of revenge, you've piqued it with the idea of alliance as opposed to being alone. You get the feeling that it speaks the truth. It genuinely is asking for your help in freeing its people from whatever is influencing their current actions. LAURA: Clarota... (laughs) SAM: What's his name? LAURA: Cla-ro-ta? MATT: Clarota. SAM: Can we just call him Clarence? (all laugh) LIAM: (Jimmy Stewart voice) Clarence, Clarence! TALIESIN: Clara. It could be a she. LAURA: We are very interested in being allies with you. Might we have your word that upon defeating this creature, we will be safe? SAM: And as a symbol of our dedication to you, I'd love to play you just a little bit of a song that might heal some of those wounds and scrapes that you seem to have all over your body. MATT: He gives you the dirtiest look you've ever received. TRAVIS: (whispers) It was because of the arcane! SAM: It's a pretty good song! MATT: Make a persuasion check. (all laugh) LIAM: Come on, Burt Reynolds! SAM: Hm. Ooh! 17. (all laugh) MATT: He takes a sudden step forward towards you, his tentacles-- (slithering noises) LAURA: Ew, ugh! MATT: "Play this song." TRAVIS: Break out the-- LAURA: It better be good! SAM: (sings) When I get that feeling, I want Clarota healing. Clarota healing is something that's good for you. Ooh ooh ooh. (sings embellished melisma) LAURA: Clarota's dancing, I can see it! MATT: Make a persuasion check-- no, a performance check. SAM: A performance check! 18! MATT: 18. (all laugh) In spite of itself, it stands there still glaring at you, but out of the corner of your eye you swear you see its toe tapping. (all laugh) It then kind of-- its tentacles withdraw in such a way that gets you kind of off-put and the song comes to a halt. "I'd not heard a song. I shall call upon you for more in the future." LAURA: Oh! SAM: There's many more where that came from! MATT: "Now we talk about how we can kill K'varn." LAURA: K'varn! LAURA, SAM: Yes! MARISHA: Yes! Let's talk about that. SAM: End scene! MATT: And that's where we're going to go ahead and end it for today, guys. (all cheer) That went very interestingly! We'll pick up from that point. MARISHA: Sorry we had to rebel, you guys. LAURA: Yeah sorry about that, you guys. Sorry! MARISHA: Sorry! It was for a good cause! LIAM: Thank you for rebelling, and staking out on your own! MATT: You've acquired for the moment a very curious ally. Yeah, this will be an interesting branching point for next week. LAURA: Oh my gosh. TRAVIS: We should get some damn hats. LAURA: I know! We should get him to make us hats! MARISHA: We definitely need one for Grog. We have to get him to make us hats for Grog. TRAVIS: Why me? MATT: (laughs) I hope you guys enjoyed that! No combat. You guys avoided quite a few possibilities for battle and that makes for an interesting dynamic. So well done! You've killed a crap ton of duergar. LIAM: Trolls. MATT: And a couple trolls and an ogre, by sending them off a cliff! It was a pretty eventful evening! MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: So yeah, so guys, thank you so much for watching! Also, as a reminder, there is Dwarven Forge that's been doing an amazing kickstarter for its next set. I was a supporter for all of Dwarven Forge's kickstarters and I'm looking forward to being able to break out some of those dungeon tiles in this game in the near future. But if you haven't checked it out yet, I recommend it! Go and see if you can back it. Those guys are awesome, the quality of their work is great! All of you DMs out there that wanna run some seriously legit dungeon setups for your miniatures and battle circumstances, it's highly recommended. So go check that out. I know I've already backed it, so come join me! And (evil voice) one of us, one of us! Anyway, does anyone else have something they wanna talk about for the evening, guys? ZAC: I do. MATT: Zac! What's up, buddy? ZAC: Thanks for tuning in, guys. I wanted to bring up International Tabletop Day. MATT: Yes! Yes! Let's do that! ZAC: It's coming up on April 11th. We're going to be live-streaming Tabletop Day from here in this studio. Probably not as complicated a setup as this, but similar of a set up. For those of you that have not registered yet for International Tabletop Day, go to the website tabletopday.com or org, I could be saying it wrong, the chat room will let you know. MARISHA: Just google it. ZAC: Google it! MATT: Angelfire.tabletopday.com ZAC: I knew you were testing my knowledge! You're saying it wrong, you're saying it wrong. I'm not an actor, dammit! So go check that out. We're still looking for a lot of countries to have representation, so if you're overseas, go to the website, let your local retailers know about it, sign up, and get in on the fun! It's going to be a blast. We're going to have this whole building stacked to the brim with people! Board games, live streaming the whole thing. Get in on it. It's going to be a lot of fun! MATT: Yeah, do it! ZAC: So I think that's pretty much it, thanks so much guys. MATT: Yeah, no worries, I think next week we're gonna try and do a Q&A after the game. So we'll stay for an hour or more after. ZAC: Subs only! MATT: Subs only! You get to hang out. ZAC: Subs only, so if you want to ask questions next week after the show, make sure you subscribe. MATT: Yes! Do it! ZAC: Do it. Yeah, that's pretty much it, man. MATT: Hell yeah, awesome! Well, thanks again, guys, for tuning in to Critical Role. Spread the love, tell your friends about it, all come back and join in the story, and we'll have more fun next week, so. See you next Thursday. (all cheer) ZAC: Tune in tomorrow for So You Don't Have To, where Becca and Hector play the worst games they can find so you don't have to. And then Gather your Party, where we play board games with our friends, and it's gonna be a lot of fun. MATT: Hell yeah. ZAC: All right, I'm gonna-- you guys can talk amongst yourselves, I gotta run. I'm the only person here so I'm gonna run back, turn off the stream. Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. MATT: (laughs) This guy, this guy. Guys, thanks again, have a wonderful night, we'll see you soon.	Strange Bedfellows	https://www.kryogenix.org/crsearch/html/cr1-3.html
# Critical Role Campaign 2 Episode 141.015 ## Vox Machina vs. Mighty Nein MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. ALL: (discordant yelling) We play Dungeons & Dragons! MATT: So, first off, thank you so much for joining us live on our Twitch and YouTube streams. Feel free to come and join us in the Twitch official moderated chat for this event in our Twitch channel. But tonight is something special. This is a crossover between Vox Machina and the Mighty Nein that was unlocked as part of our Kickstarter for the Legend of Vox Machina animated series a while back. So we wanted to just thank all you amazing backers that made this a reality. We're excited to throw down in this. I promise it's going to be an interesting evening, at the very least. For the most recent updates on the Legend of Vox Machina Kickstarter, you can go ahead and head to critrole.com/animated and see what has transpired there thus far. And lastly, a huge thanks to Anna Zee, @AnnaZee_S, for all the incredible art you'll see for tonight's game to fit the theme of this throw down. But I think that brings us to the end of our announcements for tonight. ASHLEY, TRAVIS: (excited) Oh! MATT: Let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of-- (cheering) Critical Role: Vox Machina Versus Mighty Nein. And welcome back. Now, before we jump in, let's go ahead and just go around to let people know who you're playing for tonight. Starting with Travis over here. TRAVIS: Oh, thank you, Matthew. (laughter) I'm the erudite, no, I'm playing Fjord, level 15, on the Mighty Nein. And it's important to note that I have backless chaps on for this entire fight. SAM: Wow, wow. MATT: Respect. MARISHA: And in studio. ASHLEY: Good to know. MATT: Oh yeah. TRAVIS: It's hot in here. I'm just keeping it airy. MATT: It is now. (laughs) Awesome, thank you, Travis. Laura. LAURA: Tonight, I will be portraying the role of-- (laughter) Jester with the Mighty Nein. You're all going down. MATT: There you go. Marisha. MARISHA: And I am joining team Mighty Nein-- TRAVIS: Let's go, let's go! MARISHA: -- as Beau, AKA Thunder Beau. MATT: Hell yeah. MARISHA: Let's do this. MATT: We'll come back to you. TRAVIS: Thunder Beau? SAM: ThunderBeau69. MATT: Indeed. Ashley, you are portraying? ASHLEY: Oh, me, who me? TRAVIS: (cheers) ASHLEY: I am Pike Trickfoot tonight, and get ready 'cause I'm going to heal all my friends! (laughter) SAM: I don't remember her talking like that. ASHLEY: I'm excited. MATT: Sam. SAM: Yeah! I'm Burt Reynolds here, yeah, I'm the real Reynolds, all you other Burts are just getting hurt! I don't know. (laughter) MATT: Nope. SAM: I'm Scanlan Shorthalt tonight, and I can't wait to make you proud. (laughter) MATT: Liam O'Brien. LIAM: I'm here tonight to play Vax'ildan, walking corpse. I died once, but it wasn't enough, I've come to do it again! (cheering) MATT: Hell yeah. LIAM: I mean, we're going to win. MATT: Right. And Taliesin, the interesting seat for the evening. TALIESIN: This is going to be very interesting because, obviously, we are an odd number. So for part of the evening, I will be playing the Terrible Tinkerer of Tal'Dorei, Percy, who will be here to fuck you all up. TRAVIS: Whatever. TALIESIN: And then the rest of the evening, I will be playing a very changed Mollymauk. We'll see how that goes. MATT: Yeah, yeah. At a level you never had a chance to really experience. TALIESIN: Oh, it's going to be a lot of fun. LIAM: You got to switch. MATT: Indeed. So, we'll get into the context of that, but let's go ahead and get this started. So. LAURA: Oh, no, no, no, I'm so nervous. MARISHA: Oh god, I'm so nervous. LIAM: Let's just catch up on the week, you guys. LAURA: Yeah. How've you been? LIAM: It's the end of the week; it's been a long week. ALL: Yeah. LIAM: Worked hard this week. ASHLEY, MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: (claps) Flash! (screaming) (whooshing) Your eyes come to focus. A horrible ringing sound in your head. ASHLEY: Ah! MATT: The temperatures shifts to a strangely hot, burning, sulfurous sensation. You begin to notice around you, you're standing amongst a field of cracked onyx and dark slate with strange structures built around you. Walls, and pillars, and bits of twisted iron, and a massive tower not far from view. As you glance upward, you can see an expanse of iron bars that twist and overlap in this somewhat domed rectangular shape. Rising up around you, enclosing you within some sort of a massive oddly-shaped cage. And beyond that, a sky of dark ash and red ember hues. The wind itself blows a sickly warm. As you look past the ash-choked purple skyline, you can see a sourceless ruddy atmosphere glowing through the darkened clouds. Mighty Nein, as you, the three of you, begin to focus this odd expanse around you. (whooshing) Another flash. About a hundred or so feet away, Pike, Scanlan, Vax'ildan. You find yourselves in this same odd space, unfamiliar, in some ways kind of familiar, but not quite. You can't quite pinpoint where it is, but you do not know why or how you found yourselves present for this. SAM: (gasps) ASHLEY: (sniffs) One of you fart? TRAVIS: (laughs) SAM: Grog's not even here. ASHLEY: Fair, it's just sulfur. MATT: As you all begin to just take in the curiosity of your surroundings, you begin to hear this noise. (screeching) And you look up into the sky as hundreds and hundreds of shadows begin to swarm towards the space. Glancing up, you can see dozens and dozens and dozens more still climbing, tiny red scaled, fleshy creatures, with claws, and leathery wings, horned heads, and tooth-filled jaws clambering onto the sides of this cage and climbing up going (cackling) LAURA: They're so cute! MATT: Filling up the sides. Eventually, this black, red, and purple sky begins to give way to shadow, as hundreds of these strange devilish creatures of all sizes and shapes, begin to blot out the exterior. Until all you see are gnashing, jaws, claws, and grins Until all you see are gnashing, jaws, claws, and grins above and all around you in this encased space. It gets louder, and louder, and louder, until suddenly they all go silent. The shrieking halts, the laughter comes to a stop, and all eyes seem to shift from you to the central tower in this enclosed space. There, glancing over, you see what looks to be, looking over the edge, a 10 foot tall humanoid devilish being, arms folded in the front. You can see his pale gray skin and bleached bone white hair that goes past his ankles. His body is framed by an elaborate maroon and silver nobleman's attire, and his eyes are black coals, void-like. And his smile, far too wide, peeking back almost to his ears. He raises his hands outwards. "Welcome, travelers, treasured guests. This eve you have been summoned from across land and time to settle a score for me and an associate. I have plucked and arranged few from your respective troops and to pit your teams against each other to sate our curiosity and settle our disagreement. Should you fight to your utmost ability, should you take no quarter with your opponent, should you stand victorious, and satisfy our a little bet, you shall be returned safely and in good health. Show mercy, and we will show none." The voice resonates and shakes the ground beneath your feet. "As I am an appreciator of chaos, I have arranged a field of combat before you, suffused with numerous hidden boons. Seek them and you may partake in their blessing. One final twist." And you watch as he puts his hand out, and a gem appears. It looks like a faintly glowing, about fist-sized, rough-hewn stone. One half a deep cerulean blue, the other a faint purplish, lavender coloration. "Within this stone lies two souls. One from each of your bands. Whomever finds and touches it first gains their ally. Rediscover it and the others may reverse their fortunes." He places the stone within a metal box and closes the lid, steps over it and places it onto a small stone table at the top of the tower. Right there. "Have the chosen champions a word before the fray?" TRAVIS: Oh, is he asking us to talk? MARISHA: I think so. ASHLEY: Huh? TRAVIS: We accept your challenge of mortal combat. (laughter) LAURA: But I would just like to say that if you guys are really good, we're really sorry because you seem like cool people, and I don't want to hurt you, okay? TRAVIS: And let it be known, we do have a vestige among us. I don't know if you know what that is, but it's quite powerful. If you wanted to quit now, we might understand. ASHLEY: I don't know what a vestige is. (quiet laughter) SAM: Nice one, Pike. ASHLEY: What does that do? TRAVIS: I feel like-- LAURA: I feel like she's lying? TRAVIS: I feel-- yep. MARISHA: It's pretty obvious, I think. ASHLEY: No! SAM: You seem to be a motley crew. We expect a fair fight. No trickery, no double crossing. LAURA: Never. SAM: No illegal magic. ASHLEY: This one's hot! MARISHA: Look at that. ASHLEY: Weirdly attracted for some reason. MARISHA: This is great. (laughter) SAM: Pike! ASHLEY: What? SAM: You're on our team. ASHLEY: Yeah, I know. I'm just trying to, like, boost them up so that, you know, they-- SAM: Reverse psychology? ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. LIAM: Wind up the sexual attention until it snaps. ASHLEY: Yes! SAM: We promise, if we win-- when we win, we won't defile your bodies. MARISHA: Oh? SAM: Unless you're into that sort of thing. (laughter) LAURA: Ditto, I promise I won't make it look like you guys totally were having an orgy over there. SAM: I like that one. LIAM: We could just do that instead, I'm going to throw that out there. TRAVIS: You're saying Thunderdome orgy instead? MARISHA: Maybe we give it 60 seconds and see how this goes. MATT: "That was not the arrangement!" (laughter) TRAVIS: All the devils are like, "boo!" (laughter) LIAM: Wait, wait, crack open that gem, let's see what we get. (laughter) MATT: "Silence!" ASHLEY: Ooh. MARISHA: (laughs) There's a crackle and a bolt of light hits the center and all of you feel yourself blinded for a second. And then you find yourselves transported back to opposite sides of the chamber. With Vox Machina over here. (laughter) LIAM: Let's go, gnomies! LAURA: Oh god, oh god, oh god. SAM: We're at a height disadvantage over here. That's why-- that's why we'll lose. MATT: Mighty Nein over here. ASHLEY: Oh, that's right, you and I are pretty small. MATT: As you-- SAM: Don't have that reach. MATT: -- take in your surroundings, the figure goes, "Very well. Mighty Nein, heroes of Wildemount. Vox Machina, heroes of Tal'Dorei." SAM: And world, and the world actually, I mean. TRAVIS: We're actually working on the world, too, at the moment. So maybe just. SAM: How many episodes has that been taking you? LAURA: We're kind of friends with the council of Tal'Dorei, I don't know if you guys have heard. LIAM: Oh, you went to the Elemental Plane of Fire one time. Ooh! MATT: "Begin!" (screaming) Roll initiative, motherfuckers. (cheering) MARISHA: Do we get that prep round? MATT: We'll find out here in a second. MARISHA: Come on, come on. Okay, that's okay, that's okay. Give me those boots. ASHLEY: God fucking damn it. LAURA: Well. LIAM: God. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: That's pretty typical for me. LIAM: How'd you do, Pickle? MATT: 25 to 20? MARISHA: 21. LIAM: 21. (screaming) TRAVIS: Who has the higher dex? You do right? MARISHA: I think we're the same. LIAM: We're the same. MATT: All right. So I need you guys to roll off. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: To see whose-- just roll a d20. MARISHA: Come on, bitch. 15. LIAM: 10, you got it. SAM: Use that luck, use that luck! LIAM: No! SAM: Use that luck! We need that thing in the middle! Use that luck! Come on, it's the greatest feat in D&D! (laughter) TALIESIN: Matt, I forgot Percy got a 22 if I'm rolling now. MATT: Okay, all right. TALIESIN: Are we rolling now? MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: All right, 22 for Percy. MATT: All right. MARISHA: 22 for Percy? LAURA: Right, right, right. I should write this down. MATT: All right, so Beau quickly followed by Vax. You got it, okay. TRAVIS: This is going to be interesting. MATT: 20 to 15? TRAVIS: 16. MARISHA: Yes, yes, Fjord, yes! MATT: 15 to 10? SAM: 14. TRAVIS: Oh boy, look at this. SAM: So wait, we got Beau, Vax, Fjord. TRAVIS: We are flip flopping around. MARISHA: Yeah, we are. MATT: Yeah, we're going-- we're zig-zagging on this, that's kind of fun. ASHLEY: Beau, Vax, Fjord, Scanlan. MATT: 10 to five? TALIESIN: Nine for Molly. MATT: All righty. MARISHA: Oh my god! LAURA: Five for Jester. LIAM: Scanlan, Molly-- MATT: All right, and? ASHLEY: That's me, I rolled a one. TRAVIS: Yeah, Pike! (cheering) ASHLEY: You rolled a one, too?! LAURA: I rolled a one, too. I just added initiative to it. ASHLEY: What the heck? The clerics rolled the same. These guys rolled the same. Okay, okay, okay. TRAVIS: It's a one plus what? MATT: As if our games aren't filled with weirdest-- ASHLEY: I have nothing. TRAVIS: (laughs) ASHLEY: That's why Pike's initiative was always so low. MATT: Yep, yep. ASHLEY: Natural one. Maybe I got it out of the way. MATT: On a one to three, you are granted a preparation round, which is not movement, just a singular action to prepare. SAM: Singular action, not action, bonus action, just a singular action? MATT: It's a singular action. If you want to trade that for a bonus action, you can. SAM: Oh shit. LAURA: On a one to three, only if you rolled one to three? MATT: On a four to six, we go. LAURA: Oh my gosh! ASHLEY: Okay. LAURA: Okay. ASHLEY: So we get to do-- TRAVIS: Oh no, he's going to roll a d6 right now. LIAM: He's rolling, everybody does or everybody doesn't. MATT: It's a three. TRAVIS: We get one thing. ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. MATT: So, and for right now, we're not quite in initiative, because everyone gets to do this. So you just get one action, what are you doing? TRAVIS: The thing I told you. MATT: Okay, you got it. LAURA: The thing I told you. MATT: Okay. SAM: What?! ASHLEY: What is this?! SAM: You guys had a fucking plan?! MARISHA: (lightning crackling) Light up my lightning fists. MATT: You got it. ASHLEY: I'm going to cast Beacon of Hope. SAM: What's that do, what's that do? ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. It's-- "this spell bestows hope and vitality. Choose any number of creatures within range." You two. "For the duration, each target has advantage on wisdom saving throws and death saving throws, and regains the maximum number of hit points possible from any healing." SAM: Advantage on wisdom saving throws, that's all I heard. Great. ASHLEY: Advantage on wisdom saving throws, and death saving-- Well, that doesn't matter. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: (scream-laughs) MATT: Good start, what you got, Scanlan? SAM: (groans) LIAM: I'll go if he's still thinking. SAM: Yeah, you go. MATT: All right, what you got, Vax? LIAM: I'm going to Bless the three of us. Take a d4 for everything. ASHLEY: Okay. SAM: Bless. MATT: Bless, Bless. MARISHA: (whispers) What did Beacon of Hope do? LAURA: (whispers) Gave them advantage on wisdom saving throws and death saves. MARISHA: Wisdom and death saving throws, okay. LAURA: And they get healed max. SAM: What is the most important thing to do? MATT: I don't know, what is it? SAM: Are you going to fucking race up there? TALIESIN: It's such a good-- LAURA: But it's con, so you can [inaudible]. ASHLEY: She looks like a healer over there. We got to be careful. LAURA: You can't see us yet! TRAVIS: You don't see us. LAURA: I don't look like a healer. TRAVIS: This is a bad bitch! This is a bad, goth, lollipop-licking bitch! ASHLEY: Woo! Woo! SAM: âª Bigby's Hand! âª MATT: All righty. ASHLEY: Okay, let me mark that off. MATT: Oh man! The original hand is in the other room, so. SAM: We can pause. MATT: We can. TRAVIS: Yeah, we can pause. Do you want to-- no, let's all freeze frame! MATT: Freeze frame, grab it. TRAVIS: Hold it. (groaning) MATT: Well done, I just, I needed to-- I needed to use the original. (cheering) Hadn't busted that out in awhile. TRAVIS: Might as well, man. MATT: All righty, where do you want it to be? SAM: Right next to that box. MATT: How far, what's the range on it? SAM: 120. MATT: 120? LIAM: Pop. LAURA: Oh my gosh. SAM: Or rather, right around that box. MARISHA: Oh my gosh. MATT: Well, I'll go ahead and roll a d6 first. TRAVIS: You going to take the box? LIAM: "What's in the box?" MATT: So interesting point, you can't quite see what's up there, because you don't have a visual perspective. SAM: Okay, okay. That's fair, that's fair. MATT: Do you want to just try and swing at it? With Bigby's Hand, an open swing. SAM: I will-- I wouldn't feel it if I grabbed it? MATT: No. SAM: So yeah, I will just take a blind swipe. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Like a snatch? SAM: Yeah. MATT: Does the hand have hit points? SAM: The hand does have hit points. MATT: Okay, does it have-- have it just roll a constitution saving throw that's using your modifier. SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: Why does this? SAM: Not great. 12. MATT: 12, that is a failure. TRAVIS: Fuck yeah. TALIESIN: I'm so excited by all of this. TRAVIS: So happy. MATT: 19 points of necrotic damage to Bigby's Hand. ASHLEY: For trying to grab-- LIAM: The hell box. MATT: Because it swing-- it was swinging forward towards something, but-- SAM: I don't know what. MATT: You don't know what. SAM: And I don't know if I grabbed it. MATT: You don't know. SAM: Okay. MATT: All right, so that's the opening action. LAURA: Oh my gosh. MATT: Now we're into initiative, top of the round. TRAVIS: Holy fuck. MATT: Beauregard. MARISHA: Okay! MATT: You are right there. TRAVIS: That's a lot of points of necrotic damage. MARISHA: I am right there. Holy shit. I had an idea, but maybe this is wrong. I can get, oh, nope, I'm doing a Taliesin. These have windows or doors? These towers have windows to get to? MATT: They do not have windows. They have a door in the front. MARISHA: Both of them do? MATT: They do, yes. MARISHA: Um, which side am I on? MATT: You are on this side, right there. MARISHA: I'll go, double double, or can my 55 movement get me into the tower? MATT: 10, 15, 20 Yep, you can indeed. MARISHA: What's in there? MATT: You push into here, the door opens, and there is a singular chest awaiting you on the inside. TRAVIS: Oh shit, here we go. MARISHA: Can I go and pop it open? MATT: You can. It'll be your action to do so. MARISHA: Yep. MATT: (creaking) You lift it open. Roll a d6 for me. MARISHA: Come on, be something good. Something good, four? MATT: Four. You find in there a wound piece of rope. Like a very, very finely braided twine that has a silver shimmer to it. You can add a rope of entanglement to your inventory. MARISHA: Oh, interesting. TRAVIS: What is that? MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Does anyone know what that is off the cuff? MATT: It's interesting. You don't have to identify it. Once you grab it, you immediately understand what it's capable of. And the rope can be used on something within 30 feet of you to attempt to restrain them as part of an action. SAM: Like a Grasping Vine, sort of. LIAM: Wonder Woman. MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, okay. MATT: If they're restrained, they can't move, attacks on them are at advantage, they have disadvantage on attacks, that kind of deal. If they fail the save. But add that to your inventory. But that's your movement, that's your action. MARISHA: I have a bonus action? MATT: You do. MARISHA: Can I Step of the Wind, and get back out onto the playing field, and I want to get-- I want to get as close to the front of this door of this main tower as possible. MATT: Front door there? MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Moving, moving, making moves! Let's go! MATT: 50, right there. MARISHA: So hot. MATT: You just (zooming) rushing over there, (panting) catch yourself. It is extremely hot; you're already breaking a sweat. TRAVIS: We need to animate this. MARISHA: Cotton mouth, cotton mouth! (gasps) MATT: All right, finishing Beau's go. Vax'ildan, what are you doing? LIAM: (sighs) I grind my boots into the ground that's here under me and I smash my heels together and turn on the Boots of Haste, Laura Bailey! And then I use my action to bamf out the motherfucking wings! (laughter, yelling) ALL: âª (opening guitar riff from "Immigrant Song") âª LAURA: Boosh! LIAM: So I have a hasted action now, and 120 feet of movement. So I'm going to-- MATT: You do, flying. So where do you want to go? ASHLEY: I get so excited, I give him a slap on the ass! LIAM: Oh, Pickle! ASHLEY: Let's go! LIAM: And I launch into the air on an arc to the top of the tower to see what Bigby's Hand is seeing. MATT: 120 feet, you can definitely get there. LIAM: With distance to spare. MATT: Yes indeed, you are-- Aw man, here, I'll go ahead and-- LIAM: Well, I might not stay there. MATT: Right, I'm just giving a little bit of height here. SAM: (yells) Game over. MATT: Yeah, I'll just use this here. There, as you fly over there, wings out, Bigby's Hand is grasping-- it looks like there was a small, dark void, because you just got up there quickly, the hand swung through it, took damage, and retrieved the box from the middle of it. So the box is in Bigby's hand. LIAM: Okay. SAM: I don't know that though. LIAM: You don't know that. SAM: Will you yell it to me? LIAM: Yes, I do. It's in the hand, Scan-man! SAM: That rhymes! Wait, why am I Nott? (laughter) LIAM: And-- TRAVIS: (wheezing, laughs) MATT: How do you forget the character? We've been recording him for a year at least. SAM: It's just my voice. MATT: I know! (laughter) TRAVIS: "It's just my voice!" LIAM: So I'm not going to fuck with trying to take it from the hand, you've got it. So I'm going to, like a moving fucking shadow, arc in a circle around this side of the crenelations, and disappear from view, and I'm gone, motherfuckers. MATT: Roll a stealth check. MARISHA: Fuck. LIAM: That is a 22. MATT: A 22, indeed, nobody knows where you've gone. All right. That finishes Vax's go. Fjord, you're up, Scanlan, you're on deck. TRAVIS: Oh no, this is going to go real sour, real fast. Ooh, boy! Okay, I am going to use the ability that I told you about and I am going to appear at the top of the tower. (whooshing) SAM: Oh, shit! MATT: Okay. LIAM: Glad I'm gone. MATT: There is-- TRAVIS: A giant purple hand holding a fucking box. MATT: There is the other half of your portal. TRAVIS: Thank you. SAM: Other half of your what? TRAVIS: Other half... of me. Can I try and reach up, and seeing this giant purple hand holding a glowing box, go like "Fucking give me that!" And try and grab it out of his hand? MATT: Yeah, go ahead, you can make-- TRAVIS: This hand is going to be stronger that I am! MATT: This is a contested strength check. TRAVIS: That's not good for me! MATT: So as you rush forward under the chains, dart over towards the hand, I need you to go ahead and roll and add your strength modifier. I need you to go ahead and roll and add the hand's strength modifier. TRAVIS: Well hold on, I don't know that the hand is-- does the hand have hit points? SAM: It has hit points and a strength modifier. MARISHA: Took some hefty damage. TRAVIS: Oh, it did. Yeah, yeah yeah, I'll hit the hand. I'll attack the hand instead! SAM: Don't slap my hand. TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll attack the hand with the Star Razor. MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: Two strikes. MATT: You got it. TRAVIS: First one is 21 to hit? SAM: Hits. TRAVIS: Okay. Second one is a 24 to hit. SAM: Hits. TRAVIS: Great. First one is-- SAM: First damage of the night, guys. TRAVIS: 17 points of slashing damage. SAM: 'Kay, good, good. TRAVIS: And the second one is-- 19 plus-- 21 points of slashing damage. SAM: 'Kay. Hand's looking a little bit rougher. TRAVIS: Oh, shit. LAURA: It's standing! SAM: Little bit rougher. TRAVIS: Damn it. ASHLEY: If it's gone, is it gone for good? Who knows, we don't know, we don't know. TRAVIS: With my-- I do have action, I could try to stand on it, but I don't think I could hold onto it. Damn it, that fucking sucks. That's it, I can't do anything else. LAURA: You could jump on it! You could jump on the hand. TRAVIS: Yeah, and then fall as soon as it moves! SAM: Or fly with it. LAURA: Ride the hand. TRAVIS: I'll jump on the hand. (laughter) MATT: Okay. SAM: Yes! TRAVIS: Who cares, who cares? SAM: Fuck it! MATT: Okay, all right. MARISHA: Nothing's real! I will say, I will say, I will say-- Well, the hand is holding the box, so it's not able to really defend itself or try and flick you off. It's your choice, keep the box, or try and knock off Fjord? SAM: Keep the box. MATT: All right, so yeah, with that-- SAM: I'll ride the lighting. MATT: -- Fjord, you leap onto Scanlan's hand. SAM: Wow. MARISHA: This is already bananas. We've got Fjord surfing on Scanlan's hand in the first round! LIAM: Let's get that cowboy accent out here! TRAVIS: Yee-haw! (laughter) MATT: Perfect. SAM: First round! MATT: All right, Fjord's done. Scanlan, you're up, with Jester on deck. LIAM: I want to kill you all, but I love you guys so fucking much. ASHLEY: I know! MARISHA: I know, it's so great! SAM: I believe it can move-- it can move up to 60 feet. MATT: Indeed. SAM: So-- aw, boy, can we get a top down-- far-- where-- where's? MATT: You're right here. TRAVIS: I wish I-- SAM: Yeah, I can't see the whole board, though. TRAVIS: I really wish I had some better dexterity right now. MATT: What are you looking for? SAM: Nearest pool of lava, friend. LAURA: (gasps) Oh god. MATT: To you, that you know of, would be right over here. TRAVIS: This is what we're here for, this is what we're here for. SAM: It's 60 feet away? MATT: It looks like it's roughly, maybe, we'll have to measure it if you're eyeballing it. SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: Yeah, it looks like there's four cages. SAM: I would like to move the hand with Fjord on it, and go-- TRAVIS: In a loop-de-loop? SAM: (loud impact) TRAVIS: (laughs) MATT: Yep, 55 feet is right above. SAM: Straight into the lava. (yelling) MARISHA: Fjord, no! MATT: Fjord, do you want to let go? TRAVIS: Well, I'm standing on it. MATT: Correct. It's plummeting downward towards bubbling molten rock. LAURA: Can you jump off as a reaction? TRAVIS: Could I jump off, or could I try to stay on it if I wanted to? MATT: This would be like, you can try and stay on it if you want to. TRAVIS: Is it underneath me? MATT: You were on the back of it, and then it went into a downward middle finger. You're underneath it, it's pushing your towards the lava. TRAVIS: No, I'll push off. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: I'll try and push off in a way so I'm not hitting the lava first. MATT: All right, I'll say that takes your reaction. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: So you do kick off of it, which knocks you-- go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw for me. SAM: (nervous laugh) I'm scared! TRAVIS: 17, that was pretty good. MATT: Not too bad. So you do fall prone and avoid plummeting into the lava. TRAVIS: (laughs nervously) MATT: But you do take-- MARISHA: Fall damage. LAURA: Oh my god. LIAM: He's getting off easy compared to lava. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: 16 points of bludgeoning damage reduced to half. TRAVIS: Okay, eight, great. MATT: From kicking off. So eight points of bludgeoning damage to you and you are prone on the ground. The hand, does it continue its descent into lava? SAM: I think actually-- well, I don't want to rewind, but like, I can't-- I don't know where I am. Can I see what's going on in front of me? MATT: If you wanted to move over here. SAM: Yes, I probably would have moved over, so I could see what the fuck's going on first. MATT: Okay. SAM: I would-- if I see Fjord fall off of it, or nameless green guy fall of it, I would probably stop it short of going into the lava. MATT: You got it, okay. SAM: And then use the rest of the hand's five feet of movement to move it towards me. MATT: Okay, so yeah, it glides, it's roughly in this area right there. TRAVIS: And it's still holding the box, right? MATT: It's still holding the box in its hand as it turned around, and the middle finger out was pushing you down. TRAVIS: (laughs) SAM: Um, cool. Okay, great. MATT: This is where-- SAM: (sighs) Because that was my bonus action. TRAVIS: That's your bonus action? SAM: Yeah. TALIESIN: Moving the hand. (laughter) TRAVIS: Wow. Wow. Respect. ASHLEY: Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby. SAM: Let's try to Dominate Person. MATT: All righty. TRAVIS: Oh, that's a save on me, isn't it? MATT: It is. TRAVIS: What do I roll? SAM: You roll a wisdom saving throw. Of course I'm doing this through the cone, and-- MATT: What do you say to dominate him? SAM: I say, um, uh, I say, âª I came and you caught me red handed, âª âª fighting with a guy named Fjord âª (laughter) âª But now you got to start working for me âª âª so point that big ass sword âª âª And you're going to do some damage âª âª when you're fighting for the other side âª (laughter) TRAVIS: I missed him! MARISHA: I know! TRAVIS: I missed him! (laughter) MATT: Oh my goodness. TRAVIS: I rolled a 17 plus four for a 21? SAM: That's my DC. MATT: So he just saves. (groaning and cheering) You are a lucky motherfucker. Because it was a concentration spell that you cast, Bigby's Hand does vanish. SAM: Okay, okay. MATT: Which means-- LIAM: The box clatters. SAM: The box clatters. MATT: Onto the ground right there. SAM: Ooh, and it's a whole new ballgame, motherfucker. (laughter and cheering) MARISHA: Shit. MATT: All righty! TRAVIS: I love it! MATT: Jester, you're up. LAURA: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. MARISHA: Jester, what can you do?! LAURA: Well, okay, I'm going to-- I'm going to run out from behind the thing so I can see. Like, I don't know, like 30 feet? MATT: Okay. LAURA: And then just-- MATT: About where you get right there. LAURA: I kind of just want to say fuck it right now and go for it, and I'm just going to cast Firestorm at 7th level over to the other side. SAM: Oh! MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Well, they're clumped together. LAURA: Which is 10 square feet of my choosing. So I want it to be all behind where I know we were on the other side, I'm going to aim for that area. So I can see Scanlan, so I'm going to-- MATT: What's the range on it? LAURA: Huh? MATT: What's the range on Firestorm? LAURA: 150 feet. MATT: Yeah, you got that. LIAM: That's the whole damn field. MATT: That entire side of the battlefield erupts in burning flame. (flames whooshing) Scanlan and Pike, you are surrounded, and I need a dex save from both of you. ASHLEY: Okay. TRAVIS: I'm really here for your outfit right now. Maybe after this we just take the tower? LAURA: Thanks, Fjord, I like your ass! TRAVIS: Okay. LIAM: Chaps. TRAVIS: I have no pants?! What fiend gave me no pants!? SAM: I did pretty good, but I don't know if it's good enough. 19? LAURA: Ugh, you save. SAM: (nervous laugh) ASHLEY: I didn't. MATT: Okay, so go ahead and roll damage. Pike takes full, you take half. But you are-- SAM: 7d10? MATT: Resistant to fire damage. LIAM: 30 to 40 of damage coming your way, Pickle. MATT: Because of your Plate of the Dawn Martyr. ASHLEY: Fuck yeah. LIAM: Oh, yeah! SAM: Oh, she gets half anyway. Oh, that's good. ASHLEY: Okay okay okay okay! LAURA: 20, 30! 40! SAM: (gasps) LIAM: That saved your ass. ASHLEY: Yeah. LAURA: 50, 53, 59 points of fire damage. Halved. MATT: So 28 to both of you, points of fire damage. Pike, I need you to go ahead and roll a concentration check for me. So a constitution saving throw. SAM: What do I get? I got Bless? Oh wait, I already saved. MATT: Yeah, did you add a d4 to yours, Pike? ASHLEY: No. LIAM: Add a d4. MATT: What was your total? ASHLEY: It was nine. MATT: Oh, you're fine. ASHLEY: Yeah yeah yeah, wouldn't work. MATT: (laughs) So you take your 28 points of fire damage, I need you to make a constitution saving throw for me. LIAM: With a d4. MATT: With a d4 added to it. TALIESIN: Technically-- ASHLEY: Come on, you motherfucker! No. MATT: All right, unfortunately, the spell that you had previously cast fades, losing concentration. TRAVIS: Bless is out? LIAM: Bless is in, but the advantage on wisdom saves is out. TRAVIS: Gotcha. SAM: That's big. LIAM: Even more clutch with this devil. TALIESIN: And the heals are gone, too. MATT: I know, well. It's all right, it's okay. All right. TRAVIS: This is so much fun! Sorry, I'm yelling a lot. I'm sorry, Willmott. (laughter) MATT: All right, Jester. LAURA: Can I use the rest of my movement-- No, no, that's it, that's all I got. MATT: That's all you got, okay. Finishing Jester's go, it is now Pike's turn. ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. What I'm going to do is, I'm going to run out, and I'm going to go get the gem. SAM: Yeah, yeah you are. MATT: Okay. Now, you only have a movement of 25 feet. SAM: Damn it, it's further than that? TRAVIS: For clank clank cla-clank clank clank cla-clank clank. MATT: Indeed. LAURA: You could take off your armor. MATT: You do have your Sprinter's Boots. Don't forget that, too. ASHLEY: Yes, yes, yes, okay, Sprinter's Boots activate. SAM: Sprinter's Boots, activate! ASHLEY: Sprinter's Boots gives me an extra-- "When you're wearing these boots, you can use a bonus action to click the boots together." Okay, so that's my bonus action, clicking the boots. MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: I would like to sprint. MARISHA: I would like to sprint! MATT: 40, that gets you right to it. You see the box is on the ground, open, and the gem is exposed right there. SAM: Grab that. ASHLEY: Grab it. MATT: As your hand touches the gem-- TRAVIS: Fuck! MATT: -- there's a moment where it flashes bright light. The two halves of its color shift to a full blue coloration. There is an apparating divine glow of blueish white light, and as it fades you look before you, you see fully armed and ready for battle, Percival de Rolo the Third. TRAVIS: Oh shit! ASHLEY: Hello, old friend. TALIESIN: Oh, hello. Oh wait, I should-- TRAVIS: Is he right where she is, like right there? MATT: Yeah, right where the gem was. TRAVIS: And where am I? MATT: You are on the ground, right there. TRAVIS: That's a problem. SAM: Percival Fredrickstein Klossowski Musel-- Muselix de Rolo the third. TALIESIN: I turn my gun on Scanlan. (laughter) SAM: I want that gun! LIAM: Vex isn't here, he's all mine! ASHLEY: Okay, so that was my bonus action, that was my movement. MATT: You still have an action. ASHLEY: I still have an action. Okay, so. SAM: Fjord's right there, Fjord's right there. ASHLEY: I see that blue one over there. MATT: You do, you see the blue one over there, and you see that blue one right there. There's two blue ones, one dressed in blue, one colored blue. SAM: We can see Jester from here? ASHLEY: Oh, and Beau. LAURA: I ran so I could see you guys for the-- ASHLEY: And Fjord's down there, too? TRAVIS: (groans dramatically) I'm so near death. Oh, I fell so hard! (groans weakly) ASHLEY: I'm going to look at Fjord, TRAVIS: I'm not long for this world. ASHLEY: Guiding Bolt. MATT: Guiding Bolt? ASHLEY: Guiding Bolt. MATT: At what level? ASHLEY: Or wait, nope! I'm going for Jester. SAM: She's a dangerous motherfucker. ASHLEY: She's a beast. She's a beast on the field, guys. Okay, I'm going to do that at... I'm going to do that-- I'm going to do that at first-- no, I'm going to do that at 2nd level! MATT: 2nd level! All right, go ahead and roll an attack. LAURA: I've got a lot of hit points, so that's nothing. Don't worry about it. ASHLEY: I know, it's not a lot. Okay, so attack. Come on, fucking pick the right one. TRAVIS: (laughs) ASHLEY: I'm going to do this one. Okay. That is 24. MATT: 24, okay. Laura? Check, I texted you something. LAURA: That's 15 for me. MATT: Okay, let me check one thing real fast here. TRAVIS: He texted you. LAURA: I know. Oh wait, I-- that's 15 for the second one, I didn't roll for the first one, hold on. TRAVIS: Does water breathing work in lava? LAURA: Eight. MATT: Eight? All right, so, Pike, you-- (blasting) the Guiding Bolt flies out and impacts directly, and just goes through it, and a moment later, it goes, "Oh!" ASHLEY: Goddamn it! MATT: (groans) And tries to react, but doesn't quite sell it. LAURA: (exaggerated pained sounds) It hurts so bad! MARISHA: Jester! No! LAURA: (exaggerated pained groaning) ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay, okay. I forgot about that. SAM: It's okay, it's okay. ASHLEY: It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. SAM: This is high level D&D, guys. ASHLEY: Listen, listen, listen, we're going to fucking do this. LIAM: The only secret she would be keeping. ASHLEY: (grunts angrily) MATT: You do have 10 more feet of-- ASHLEY: True, you're right. SAM: 10 feet of movement? MATT: 10 feet of movement still left on you, Pike, if you want it. ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, 10 feet of movement. Okay, I'll back up to wherever there's maybe a little bit of cover? MATT: From who? (chuckles) Because you have Fjord right there. ASHLEY: Where am I at right now, I'm sorry. MATT: You're right there. ASHLEY: It's kind of all-- okay, you know what? I'll just get a little closer to Scan-Man. MATT: You got it. ASHLEY: Yeah, okay. MATT: All righty. ASHLEY: (frustrated sigh) SAM: That Firestorm thing doesn't last, right? MATT: No, it's instant, and it's gone. Finishing Pike's go. SAM: I want to scratch my face so bad. MATT: It's Percy's turn. TRAVIS: No, no! ASHLEY: Forgot about that. MATT: (laughs) TRAVIS: Come on, von Musel Klossowski de Rolo the-- TALIESIN: Did I see what happened with Jester? MATT: Yes, you did. Because Pike got you up, and then turned and fired a bolt, you watched over and followed it, and it just went through with no effect. LAURA: I'm still in a lot of pain! ASHLEY: She's fake, she's fake! MATT: Full-on Paul Rubens in Buffy, like-- (exaggerated groaning) Yeah, not quite. ASHLEY: (fake groaning) TRAVIS, LAURA: (fake groaning) TALIESIN: I'm going to turn to look at the green one on the floor. TRAVIS: Oh, but I'm so near death. TALIESIN: Nothing personal. I'm taking two shots with Animus. LAURA: Oh my gosh, my husband's attacking my boyfriend, this is weird. MATT: So you have disadvantage on this attack. LIAM: Do you mean hot? Because I think you mean hot. MATT: Yeah, the prone is actually helping you right now because he has disadvantage on you with ranged weapons against a prone target. TRAVIS: Thank you. TALIESIN: Oh damn, that's only a 23 to hit. MATT: (laughs) Does that hit you? All right. MARISHA: At disadvantage? TALIESIN: At disadvantage. SAM: The snitch is back. TALIESIN: I'm using my smaller gun, so I'm also going to pump all of the-- everything I've got with Cabal's Ruin. LAURA: Oh no! MATT: All right, so 6d6 points of lightning damage added to the weapon shot. TALIESIN: Cool. TRAVIS: Wow. TALIESIN: So that's... LAURA: Could this be like, instant, like--? TRAVIS: I don't know. TALIESIN: It's 11 points of-- 11 points of damage, I think, and-- 11 points of normal damage. MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: Three points of psychic damage. TRAVIS: Okay. TALIESIN: And-- oh, you're very lucky, this did not go well. MARISHA: Did we see where the gem went? Did you announce anything like that yet? SAM: Wait, what happens to the gem after we use it? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: We'll find out in just a second. TALIESIN: And 17-- it's d6s, right? MATT: Correct. TALIESIN: For the Cabal's. Yes, four, eight, (mutters quietly) 17 points of lightning damage on top of that. TRAVIS: Wow, cool. LAURA: I thought it was just straight up "66," I didn't hear "6d6." MATT: No, 6d6. Yeah, he still has to roll for it. LAURA: I was like (gasps) that's a lot! MATT: You do also have a second shot. TALIESIN: Yes, that's right. SAM: (like Percy) Oh yes, that's right. MATT: And a third shot, because you're a level 15 fighter. SAM: (like Percy) Oh, how could I have forgotten? TALIESIN: That's same-- same attack. So that's-- like 22 to hit-- 14, 15, 16, 17... TRAVIS: It hits! TALIESIN: Oh, still at disadvantage. Yup, yeah. 22 to hit. TRAVIS: Yes, sir. Lord. TALIESIN: Trying to remember. Six points of psychic damage and three points of piercing damage. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: All righty. TRAVIS: Jesus, that's almost-- TALIESIN: And... One more, I'm trying to remember how to do this. Let's, just for fun... Oh no, it's too late, I've already-- No, okay, so third shot I'm going to use-- ASHLEY: (burps) TALIESIN: Where is he? TRAVIS: (laughs) What the hell was that? TALIESIN: No, I'm fine, I'm fine. Just going to go for one more. That's a one, my gun-- (cracking) SAM: Oh no. MARISHA: Oh shit! TALIESIN: I'm going to use a bonus action, though, to knock it, and pop it back into place. MATT: You got it, but you lost the attack. So the attack fails, but he manages to rapidly repair it. TRAVIS: Percy is a bad, bad dude. TALIESIN: Goodbye, sir. And I'm going to start running up the tower that's right behind me. ASHLEY: Yes! LAURA: Oh, spider climb. TALIESIN: 30 feet. SAM: Oh, that's right! LAURA: I forgot about those boots! SAM: Oh god! Vox Machina's so OP! LAURA: Vox Machina was so OP! Like, look at how much more you guys have at level 15 than we have, item wise. SAM: You're playing smarter. We're playing harder. TRAVIS: Percy is-- he's on the roof. Scanlan is where? MATT: Scanlan and Pike are both right there. TRAVIS: Oh my god. MATT: They're all right there. TRAVIS: I'm so happy to be here. ASHLEY: Well, we're clumped together. MATT: There's a bright light above, and you glance out the corner of your eye, you see the gem apparate and then-- (gentle whoosh) float into the chamber where Beau previously was. LAURA: (gasps) TALIESIN: I took five points of psychic damage as well. MATT: You got it, mark that down. SAM: Oh, wait a second! But they-- how could they-- what? MATT: Beauregard, it's your turn. MARISHA: Do do do do do do do! Right back to the tower that I came from, 55 feet of movement! MATT: Do you want to go around it, or over the wall? MARISHA: However I got there, whatever, the shortest distance. MATT: Go ahead and just roll an athletics check for me. To see if you can climb up and pole vault over the wall, which is easy enough for you as a monk. MARISHA: Natural 19, so 29. MATT: Oh, without issues. Yeah, you get up to the gem immediately. As you enter the chamber where it is, go ahead and roll a d6 for me. SAM: Some sort of effect. MARISHA: Three. MATT: Three. You can see, there's no box, there's just the gem, but there is a field of crackling electrical energy surrounding it. (crackling electricity) MARISHA: I go: This is going to hurt. (groans) MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll a constitution saving throw for me, please. MARISHA: Okay. Okay. TRAVIS: I know, right? MARISHA: That is, con is plus eight, so 25 total. I rolled a 17. MATT: That would be 16 points of lightning damage, you take eight instead. And you reach through and-- (cracking) grab the gem. As you do, the gem-- (rushing air) vanishes from your sight. No apparent effect. MARISHA: Caduceus? Is it going to be Caduceus? Caduceus! MATT: As Percy's up there on the side of the wall, a light swirls around him. TALIESIN: (as Percy) Oh for fucks sake! TRAVIS: Yeah! MATT: As Mollymauk appears on the roof, and he immediately slides and falls. MARISHA: Oh shit. SAM: He appeared next to us? TALIESIN: (as Molly) Oh for fuck's sake! MATT: Where Percy was. MARISHA: Oh shit! LAURA: That sucks! TRAVIS: This is the best kind of mayhem ever! ASHLEY: Yes, that's amazing. SAM: He's behind me! MATT: If you could roll an athletics-- or an acrobatics check for me, Mollymauk. TRAVIS: He is dangerous no matter where he is! TALIESIN: Acrobatics check. TRAVIS: At any time! MARISHA: He is! MATT: No matter where he is at the time. TALIESIN: That's a 16. ASHLEY: The body will stay wherever the body was at. MATT: So it seems. TRAVIS: And when his body changes, that's his new initiative place? MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: Oh fuck. MARISHA: So you're about to go. SAM: So he's going to go. MARISHA: He's going to go, yeah. TALIESIN: 16. MATT: Oh yeah. TRAVIS: Unless he changes back. MATT: You take one point of bludgeoning damage from the fall and then catch yourself. You do not fall prone. TALIESIN: One point of bludgeoning damage. TRAVIS: Oh my god, Matt, this is the fucking best. ASHLEY: This is awesome! TRAVIS: Oh boy. MARISHA: Holy shit. MATT: All right, so Beau, that's your movement, and that's your action. You still have a bonus action. MARISHA: Shit. MATT: This gem is gone. MARISHA: Shit shit shit. Yeah, you know what, I might as well Step of the Wind to get back out, but you know what, let me start heading towards Jester this time. MATT: Over here? MARISHA: Yeah, shit, I did it again. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: How much more movement do I have? MATT: That's 50 feet right there if you want to get there. MARISHA: Okay, let me back up and go-- can I split the difference behind where this cage situation is? MATT: Over here? MARISHA: No no no, this front-- LAURA: In between, yeah. MARISHA: Yes, yes, there we go, that's good. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: (chuckles) Oh man this is getting wild. MATT: Now, Beauregard. Actually, no, I'll roll it here. Oh. The gem shines once more in the sky. LAURA: Oh, that fast? I thought it was once per round. MATT: No, it's shortly after it arrives. So the chase continuously-- SAM: But Mollymauk's still there. Just there's also a gem. MATT: There's just also a gem out there, yeah. SAM: Got it. ASHLEY: After it's activated, then it moves. SAM: Is that the-- God, I can't see where anything is. Is that the tower near where we are? TRAVIS: Closest to Liam. ASHLEY: Yes, it's by us. MATT: No, the tower-- you guys are on that one. SAM: Okay, thank you. MATT: This is on the opposite backside. Yes. So all right, that finishes Beauregard's turn. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: Oh right, because-- okay. LIAM: All right, Vax. SAM: Come on, fuck 'em up, Vax. LIAM: So Vax, like a Venom symbiote, is hanging upside down under the crenelations behind the fucking tower. TRAVIS: Nice. LIAM: Umbrella'd over from your fucking Firestorm and comes creeping along, like The Ring girl, and sees the green man lying in the ground. (hisses) Boom! And I land on his chest and I sink Whisper into his chest. TRAVIS: (groans) MATT: Go ahead and roll for an attack with advantage because he's prone. TRAVIS: Rude. TALIESIN: Oh, is he within 30 feet of me? LIAM: 29 to hit. TRAVIS: That most definitely hits. I don't know if I've ever been hit higher. LIAM: It's actually, hold on, 31. ASHLEY: Oh my gosh! LIAM: With the Bless. TRAVIS: That is the highest I've ever been hit. LAURA: Is he within 30 feet? TALIESIN: I'm fine, don't worry about it. MATT: All right, so what was the attack roll? LIAM: 31. With my Bless. MATT: Yeah, that hits. TRAVIS: I think so? MATT: Yeah, okay, go ahead and roll damage. ASHLEY: Just hits! TRAVIS: Just a tiddy bit! Just the nipple bit. LIAM: âª It's been awhile! âª Okay, so that's eight for the dagger then there's radiant as well. That is... Oh wait, what did I roll? 17. SAM: Vax? LIAM: Yes. SAM: What about the Armor of Agathys? LIAM: It's fine. SAM: Get off him. TRAVIS: I'm not wearing it yet. SAM: Oh, thank god. LIAM: 13 for the dagger. Here comes the sneak attack, 13-- TRAVIS: Eight plus 13, okay. LIAM: -- 18, 19, 22, 27, 30, 35, 40 points of damage. TRAVIS: So eight plus 13 plus 40? LIAM: No, total is 40. TRAVIS: Got it, okay. MATT: (exhales) That is a rough fucking hit. TRAVIS: Nice, hold on, hold on just a (wheezes) just a durn minute. The Star Razor flashes after getting my anus hit, and you take nine points of radiant damage. And I will immediately teleport to right behind you. MARISHA: Yes. LIAM: Okay. TRAVIS: Or no no, within 10 feet of me, so I'm going to actually move out of the way. I will move. MATT: All right, you are still on the ground. But you (whoosh) out of the way. TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll move 10 feet away from him towards-- MATT: Roll a concentration check for me, please. So constitution saving throw. TRAVIS: I'll move 10 feet towards Molly, actually. Away from him. Still laying on the ground. LIAM: That's a 10. MATT: That's a 10, so you maintain concentration. LIAM: Am I aware of where he is? Do I hear like a (blowing air) behind me? MATT: He vanishes and he's 10 feet from you, yeah, you see where he is. LIAM: Okay, and he's on his back? MATT: Correct. LIAM: I leap on him again and I stab him again. This time with the life stealing dagger. MATT: Okay. LIAM: This my hasted action. MATT: Just leaping and stabbing like a crow, or a raven, trying to hunt down its carrion. LIAM: That is a... 28, nope. 30 to hit. TRAVIS: Yes sir, it does. LIAM: Okay. Go away Divine Sense menu. What's going on, get out of my way, I'm trying to see my daggers. Life stealing, okay, 1d4 plus six for eight points of damage. TRAVIS: Okay. LIAM: And I'm going to use my bonus action to do an offhand attack and stab this motherfucker again. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Natural 20. MARISHA: (groans) TRAVIS: Wow. MARISHA: Fucking shit. MATT: Thankfully, not the sneak attack. LAURA: Yeah, it's not the sneak attack. TRAVIS: Yeah, here, I'll give you one point of radiant damage for that last hit. LIAM: "When you roll a 20 on the attack roll, the target takes an extra 10 necrotic damage." I also gain 10 temporary hit points. MATT: Correct. LIAM: So. LAURA: That was with the life stealing dagger? MATT: Yes. LIAM: Yes, it was. I didn't throw it. I was holding it. Two... TRAVIS: I hadn't been hit yet. Oh, they're temporary, that's good. LIAM: So that's 18 points of damage to you, and 10 points of temporary to me. TRAVIS: Okay. LIAM: So that was three attacks. TRAVIS: Does the 18 get doubled because it's a crit? MATT: No, he already factored that-- LIAM: No, I didn't double the dice. So I rolled-- take another two points of damage because it's a d4. That's the part that gets doubled. TRAVIS: Got it. LIAM: And I will fly-- it probably took me, like, 40 or 50 feet-- 50 feet to get there? MATT: To get there? No, no, because you were up on this side. LIAM: Yeah. MATT: So that would have been-- TRAVIS: Before you leave! Take eight points of radiant damage! MARISHA: Yes. SAM: Nice! MATT: Roll another concentration check, please. LIAM: Okay, yup. MATT: For each of those three, so two more. LIAM: First one's a 14. Second one's a two. MATT: You lose Bless. LIAM: Okay. MATT: So did everybody else. LIAM: Okay. SAM: No more Bless? MATT: Bless fades from the troop. MARISHA: You might be able to still swing at him? TRAVIS: And I can't take an opportunity attack from my back, right? MATT: You can. TRAVIS: Oh, okay. MARISHA: Holy shit. MATT: Pretty sure you can. LAURA: Chop his feet off! (laughter) TRAVIS: All you hear is-- (sputtering) Just blood coming out of my mouth. MATT: That is terrifying. LAURA: Are you, like, so low? TRAVIS: Y-yeah. MATT: 60 feet to get there. TRAVIS: It has not been good. LIAM: 60 feet? I'll fly back where I can from. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Ish, behind the tower. MATT: Checking here just to be sure. Prone... Yeah, so you can definitely make an opportunity attack against him. It has disadvantage. TRAVIS: Awesome, I will-- oh, disadvantage. MATT: Correct. TRAVIS: Oh, that's natural 20. So the lower one was 26. MATT: So yeah, you do get hit. LIAM: That hits. TRAVIS: Great. I'll hit him with the Star Razor. Opportunity attack, I can't dump anything into it like a Divine Smite, right? Just the swipe? MATT: Yeah, you can. TRAVIS: I'll pump a 5th-level Divine Smite. LIAM: Ooh, ouch! TRAVIS: This might be the closest I get to you all game. MARISHA: Yeah, no shit. TRAVIS: Nine plus 10 plus two, so 21 points of slashing damage. LIAM: I'll use Uncanny Dodge to half this damage. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Beautiful. And I will Divine Smite, 5d8. MATT: What was the number before this? Just so we have it. TRAVIS: What's that? MATT: The damage you rolled before the Divine Smite. TRAVIS: 21. MATT: 21, okay, so 21 plus-- ASHLEY: Oh man. This makes me feel bad. TRAVIS: 25. SAM: Jester can come heal him. TRAVIS: 32. LAURA: Wait, what? ASHLEY: Nothing. SAM: Don't feel bad. We'll kill Fjord-- TRAVIS: 36 points of smite. 5d8, right, yeah, 36 points. MATT: Okay, so 21 plus 36. TRAVIS: Yes. MATT: So 58 points of damaged halved. LIAM: 28. MATT: 28 points of damage to you. So 10 of your temporary hit points are gone, and you take 18 on top of that. You got it. And with that, you dart back, you're not hidden because you used all your actions this turn. LIAM: Right, but I am behind the tower, flying. MATT: You are behind the tower? LIAM: That's where I wanted to go to. MATT: Okay, I thought you were under the lip there. So you would not have enough movement to get back to where you were. LIAM: Okay, well then-- TRAVIS: You just fly. LIAM: Yeah, I'll just get as far as I can get then. MATT: Okay, that'll put you at about, we'll say... Sure. LAURA: Sure. MATT: Sure, we'll do that. LIAM: If I knew that I wasn't going to make it as far as I thought I would, I would go between the tower and the little tower in the corner. So just like, free floating towards the back of your map. MATT: Okay. SAM: Why didn't you go get the fucking gem, dude? LIAM: I didn't see it. SAM: Ah. LIAM: I was upside down on the direct backside of that tower. MATT: So you'll be about there, we'll say. ASHLEY: Do we see-- question, do we see that the gem is moving? Do we see that the gem is moving, or is it magical where it just (puff of air) appears somewhere? MATT: No, you see where it, like, seems to fade through the space. ASHLEY: Okay, okay. MATT: Yeah, yeah, so everyone is always aware of where it's going. It's part of the tactical aspect of this. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: Unless they're hiding and being off in the middle of nowhere. That's a hell of an opening round. TRAVIS: Yes, thank you, that was a lot of, a lot of damage. MATT: Fjord, it's your turn now. TRAVIS: (groans) MATT: Scanlan on deck. TRAVIS: Fuck! I get up. (yells) Who are the two from the other group that over there, Scanlan and Pike? MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: How far away from me-- are they from each other? MATT: 10 feet, and they're right next to each other. TRAVIS: I just walk over slowly, and I go like: Can we maybe call it a truce? I mean, you guys are really strong. What do you say? I'll join your side? SAM: Oh, that sounds great. ASHLEY: Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. TRAVIS: And I cast Thunder Step. SAM: Oh, I cast Counterspell. TRAVIS: (yells) (yelling and laughter) MATT: Thunder Step is what level? TRAVIS: Fifth. MATT: Fifth, so you need to roll for this. SAM: Oh shit. MATT: So roll a d20 and add your charisma modifier. LIAM: He's got to cast everything at fifth. SAM: Oh good, charisma modifier? MATT: Correct. TRAVIS: Which is a million. SAM: 19. MATT: Yeah, that dispels. TRAVIS: I don't know if it does or not, I've never had a dispelled. ASHLEY: Oh my buddies! MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: Cool, cool cool. So I'm standing here now in front of two of you. MATT: (laughs) TRAVIS: That was unfortunate. I have a bonus action. MARISHA: Anything. Anything! TRAVIS: Oh, I know, anything would be dandy. LAURA: You're a cleric, Pike, you have to help him! (laughter) It's part of the call. ASHLEY: Who's yelling at me right now? SAM: Do no harm. LAURA: You just see my duplicate going. "It's me!" MATT: Make a persuasion check with disadvantage. LIAM: Do we know where Jester actually is yet? MATT: Currently, no. LIAM: Nah, awesome. That's cool. TRAVIS: Could I go: Uh... (squeak of air) And Marine Layer just starts to come out of me. (laughter) MARISHA: Yes! TRAVIS: Like a scared octopus. MARISHA: Yes! TRAVIS: Oh, you made me ink. (laughter) TALIESIN: And you still have movement, right? LAURA: Oh, you do have some movement! TRAVIS: Yeah. TALIESIN: Once it's out there. LAURA: Use that. TRAVIS: Yeah, I think I have like, five or 10 left. I'll just back up in a nondescript direction once the cloud's out. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Very quietly! ASHLEY: Do we get an attack of opportunity? MATT: You both get attacks of opportunity on him as he moves away. Because they are within five feet of you, they can see you. SAM: Are you sure you want to do that, buddy? TRAVIS: I'm kind of fucked, so. SAM: You know what, I can't do it, because I just used my reaction. MATT: You don't have a reaction, so only Pike can. ASHLEY: So it has to be up to me to kill him?! Okay! (laughter) MATT: Fjord, are you doing this? TRAVIS: I guess it's got to be, I guess-- I'm checking one last thing. MATT: Is it a person next to you, or a person of your choice next to you? I think it's next to you in general. For, to be able to see in the fog cloud? How many beings that are next to you can still see? I think it's any creature. TRAVIS: All creatures. MATT: Yeah, so yeah. Scanlan can't do much, but Pike can see you for an attack of opportunity. TRAVIS: (whooshing) Ugh! (laughter) MATT: So, you thought it was Grog that farted when you got here. LAURA, ASHLEY: Aw! MATT: And in a way, it kind of is. ASHLEY: This one tastes salty! MATT: (chuckles) So you're moving back this way? TRAVIS: Yeah. LAURA: Aw, you're both sailors! Don't kill him! You would be best of friends. TRAVIS: Towards Molly, because now it's Molly. SAM: Can I see which way he goes? LIAM: No, he's in his ink cloud. MATT: You see him vanish into the cloud. You see him step back, this way and then (poofing) goes away. Pike, go ahead and make your attack ASHLEY: Okay. Which ship did you sail on, friend? TRAVIS: What?! ASHLEY: What ship did you sail on? TRAVIS: The Balleater. LAURA: (laughs) TRAVIS: What ship did you sail on? ASHLEY: The fucking Brokenhowl. TRAVIS: That's a cool name. ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. 18? MARISHA: She's just berating you before she kills you. TALIESIN: Blood Curse of the Eyeless, please. LAURA: What's your AC, what's your AC? MATT: Blood Curse of the Eyeless, do you have to be able to see the creature? Fjord's sitting next to me. Fjord did... Step there... SAM: Half movement to stand up. MATT: Yeah, no. TALIESIN: All right. MATT: No, it was half, you're right, it was half movement to get up, which would have been only five feet this way. So you wouldn't be able to get out of-- Actually, no, with the five feet there, you wouldn't of even been able to get out of her combat range. TRAVIS: Oh, okay. MATT: So you step out of Scanlan's, but you're still next to Pike. SAM: So she doesn't get an attack. TRAVIS: I'll just stay there and fog it up. MATT: There you go. ASHLEY: I don't attack him. TRAVIS: Well, then maybe, do I not use the fog either then if I'm not running? LAURA: You used the fog. TRAVIS: Okay. (fake fart) LAURA: Pike sees you, but Scanlan can't. Because you got out of Scanlan's range, but not out of Pike's. MATT: Yeah, Scanlan currently cannot see. TRAVIS: Oh, fair enough. MATT: You are just lost in fog right now. All right, finishing up Fjord's go, Scanlan, you're up, and then Molly, you're on deck. SAM: Okay, so, just trying figure out what I saw. I saw smoke come out of this man. MATT: Yes, and then he stepped into it and vanished. And right now all you can see is Pike immediately to the right of you, and you are surrounded in a dense fog. SAM: Okay. Pike immediately to the right of me, not knowing where he is, I would probably-- And I don't know where anyone else is either. I would probably just make sure I know where Pike is, feel out for her, and then shoot Thunderwave forward, 15 feet out and forward. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: To not hit Pike with it? SAM: Yeah. MATT: Okay. SAM: I mean, I can't really see anything at this point. MATT: Which works for you. SAM: But I would step in the direction-- I would take a step in the direction that I think he was. MATT: All righty. SAM: And then I would fire it. MATT: That would (muffled explosion) out forward, would catch you. So what's the save on that? SAM: It is-- boy oh boy. MATT: Is it dexterity, constitution? SAM: It is constitution, 21. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Oh my god, really? That's super high. SAM: But I only did it at 3rd-level. LAURA: Because he's got a cone. TRAVIS: Yeah, that's an 18. MATT: Failure. TRAVIS: (chuckles) SAM: Okay. MARISHA: I forgot how much of a beast Scanlan was. TRAVIS: They all are OP. TALIESIN: I'm going to hit Blood Curse of Exposure, if I can. Which will give him resistance to it. MATT: Unfortunately, you can't see either right now. TALIESIN: Oh, never mind. MATT: Like Scanlan, all of a sudden the area filled with fog. You know loosely where people were before the fog appeared, but you do not have sight. LAURA: Does the Thunderwave blow the fog away at all? MATT: No, the fog cannot be dissipated by exterior effects. TALIESIN: Nevermind. SAM: 14 points of damage. MATT: So you take 14 points of thunder damage. TRAVIS: Okay. 13 points? 14. SAM: 14 points, and also you're pushed 10 feet away. MATT: Indeed. So you hit the wall there. So you can't move any further than that. So only five feet pushed away. All right, you can still move if you like, and you have a bonus action. SAM: Yes, I will move, but not before I inspire Pike Trickfoot! ASHLEY: (gasps) SAM: âª It's up to you, Mrs. Shorthalt-to-be, âª âª Everlight loves you more than you can know! âª âª Whoa whoa whoa âª (laughter) âª Whoa whoa whoa. âª (laughter) MATT: All right, so is that a d10 inspiration? SAM: I believe it's a d12. MATT: At this level? SAM: I'll look, I'll look. ASHLEY: What? MATT: I know it's a d12 at the higher bard levels, I'm not sure-- SAM: "Bardic inspiration: as a bonus action-- -- who can hear gains an inspiration die of 1d12." MATT: So it is a d12 at this level, great. So you have a d12 that you can add to an attack or a saving throw, up to you. SAM: And then I will use the rest of my movement to back around that tower thing that we started behind. MATT: Right here? SAM: Yeah. Out of view. MATT: That's as much as you can get next to that cage there. You got it. All righty, that finishes that go. Molly, you're up. TALIESIN: What can I see, and where am I? MATT: You are right here at the edge of the tower after plummeting down there. You know loosely where Pike, Scanlan, and Fjord were ahead in that space, but you, right now, are just covered in fog. TALIESIN: All right, first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to start up one of my swords. I'm going to give myself a little cut. MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: Gonna get some radiant damage going. MATT: All right, so you're using Rite of the Dawn? TALIESIN: Rite of the Dawn. Take my six damage. Ooh, rough. I'm going to edge around the tower to my left, because I can feel it. MATT: Okay, and you step out of the fog after 10 feet. TALIESIN: 10 feet? MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: All right. And I can see Scanlan? MATT: You can. TALIESIN: I'm going to run full speed at Scanlan. MATT: All right. TALIESIN: I can move 35 more feet. MATT: Yeah, you are right there up against him. TALIESIN: Right. I'm going to take a couple slashes. MATT: Go for it. So as you back up and turn the corner out of the fog, you see this lavender tiefling, horned and beautifully dressed, two scimitars, one that is glowing a bright, bright radiant color, and goes in to try and cut you. SAM: Oh shit. TRAVIS: Level 15 Molly! LAURA: Oh my god. This is exciting. MARISHA: I know, we've never seen this. Well, unless it's against us. TALIESIN: I'm going to use Edge of the Endless for both of these attacks. MATT: All right. TALIESIN: So that's 20 to hit. SAM: For the first, I will-- MATT: You do not-- no, you do have your reaction back, because you got your turn. SAM: Shit, do I wait? I don't know what this thing can do. I'll wait and see what the first one does. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: All right, that's-- SAM: Mistake, I should have done it. TALIESIN: That's not much yet. That's (blows raspberry). That sucks. That's one radiant damage and two slashing damage. MATT: Plus your, plus what? SAM: Plus the sword. MATT: Plus the sword and your dexterity. SAM: The sword has something, right? TALIESIN: Hmm? MATT: Plus your sword and the dexterity, should be next to the attack. TALIESIN: What am I missing? SAM: Aren't swords usually like 1d6 plus eight? TALIESIN: Oh, yes, you're right, so sorry. It's been so long since I've had to do this, I've been-- Yeah, that's nine points of slashing damage, one point of radiant damage. SAM: Okay. MATT: So 10 points of damage on that first hit. SAM: Great. TALIESIN: That's 21 to hit. MATT: That hits. TALIESIN: Better. SAM: Wasn't that bad. TALIESIN: That's 10 points of slashing damage, seven points of radiant damage. MATT: So 17 points of damage to you. Is that all you're doing? TALIESIN: I can only do two attacks, I've already burned my bonus action, and my movement, so. And I can't do that other thing except at the top of my turn if I recall? MATT: Correct. You do have something you can do on an attack if you wanted to. TALIESIN: Okay, that's right, what is it? There's a bunch of new stuff, so I'm going to be a little clunky. SAM: You know what, why don't you figure it out for the next time you're Mollymauk? TALIESIN: Yeah, no, no. MATT: For instance, the brand just happens as part of an attack. TALIESIN: Oh, that's right, I should have branded him at the beginning of the... MATT: Yeah, but. LAURA: Oh, it's like Hunter's Mark. ASHLEY: Turns out it's actually really hard to play when you skip levels that you don't learn. MATT: To be fair, it is your first time, and you could brand on the first strike if you'd like to. TALIESIN: I would like to brand on the first strike if I'd like. It seems only reasonable considering what's going on. LIAM: You're jumping into a high level character. TALIESIN: Yeah, this is a lot. MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: So. SAM: "The brand"? What does that do? MATT: You'll find out in a second. LAURA: You'll find out. SAM: But I mean, do I feel it? TALIESIN: You take another eight points of radiant damage. SAM: Oh which hit? MATT: The first hit. SAM: Okay. TALIESIN: That's both hits. MATT: You have to brand him as part of the first hit, and then from that point forward, it does additional damage. TALIESIN: Oh, in that case, seven points of radiant damage. SAM: Total. TALIESIN: Yes, extra. SAM: Extra. MATT: So as the first strike cuts through you, the light hits you, and you feel this burning sensation where the wound was. And you glance down and see some sort of blood glyph that's now burned into the space where the image hit. The second hit hits you and it hurts more than the first one did as the glyph burns bright. SAM: I feel like if I had that thing sear into my chest, I would have tried to Cutting Words the second one. MATT: Do you want to? SAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: (laughs) Yeah. MATT: Go ahead and roll Cutting Words. SAM: Nope, failed. So it still would hit. All is good. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: You didn't have a reaction anyway, I don't think. LAURA: That was your reaction? SAM: That's my reaction. MATT: He did have a reaction, because he had his turn back. TALIESIN: You're so fucked. MATT: (laughs) You are branded. You got it. Okay, that finishes Molly's go. Jester, you're up, with Pike on deck. LAURA: So I can't see anybody because of the Marine Layer now, right? MATT: Currently, no. You just see a blanket of fog in that space. MARISHA: You see me. Jester and I look at each other, and go: (uncertain noises). LAURA: I go: I'm a duplicate! (laughs) MARISHA: That's so cool! Yeah, you look great! SAM: They're just eating. (laughter) LAURA: (smacks lips) ASHLEY: Get some fucking pastries. LAURA: I'm going to-- how am I going to do this? How can I do this? LIAM: We're unfamiliar with Jester, so we're not even looking for the real Jester. ASHLEY: Sure, yeah, we wouldn't have known. LIAM: She's just a magical ghost. LAURA: I'm going to, having seen and knowing I can't hit anything else. I saw some really fast movement happening from that bird guy. I'm going to cast... Dispel Magic on those boots I saw on his feet. SAM: What's that range? LAURA: That's 120 feet range. MATT: Okay, and you do have line of sight. TRAVIS, ASHLEY: (laughing) MATT: Suddenly (powering down) you feel your movement return to a natural state as opposed to the usual speedy Vax'ildan that you're used to. SAM: Nice. MATT: Yeah, it's a 3rd-level spell. TRAVIS: That's clutch. LIAM: Can I know, just for campaign two, that I can dispel enemies' magic items? MATT: It's not the magical item. The magical item allows you to use the spell Haste. LIAM: Okay. MATT: There's a difference between an item that has an effect, and an item that says it allows you to cast a spell. LIAM: Okay. TRAVIS: That helps. ASHLEY: So Haste is gone for the rest of the game? LIAM: Yeah, it's gone. ASHLEY: Okay, okay. SAM: Whoa. TRAVIS: That brings it, like, to here. (laughter) SAM: That's a solid clutch move. TRAVIS: It's better, that's better. MATT: Do you want to move? Do you want to move, and do you want to move? LAURA: I'm going to-- oh man. I'm going to send-- I'm going to move forward. MATT: This one? LAURA: Oh god. I really need to see what's happening. MATT: Yeah, you're kind of out of everything, but you do what you want to. LAURA: I know! TRAVIS: Sorry, I panicked! I'm real hurt! LAURA: Okay, real me is going to run out and I'm going to run into the tower on the other side, if I can get to it. MATT: The tower on the other side over here? All right, I will replace-- LAURA: Yeah. The tower that Beau didn't run into. Yeah. MATT: Over here you mean? LAURA: Where's my-- SAM: No, the conical-- LAURA: Yeah, the other. MATT: Okay, yeah. Let's see, five-- LAURA: This one. MATT: Yeah, because you were hiding out there. It's five, ten-- You can get just in the door with 30 feet. LAURA: Okay. MATT: Which reveals that in there. SAM: Ooh, she's got a chest. MATT: Indeed. You are just within this door right there. TRAVIS: Aw, so may plans just broken already. MATT: That's your movement, your action. You still have a bonus. LAURA: Yeah, I can't really do anything for bonus because I already used a spell. MATT: Can't you move your-- LAURA: I can use my-- yeah, I'll move my duplicate, but she has to be within visual of me, so I'm not going to be able to move her right now. MATT: Well, you can move her as you're moving there. LAURA: Okay. Okay, then, as I'm moving out, I'll send her forward. MATT: Okay. About there? Full move 30 feet? LAURA: I can move her up to 30 feet, yes. MATT: Yeah, there you go. All righty. Does that finish your turn, Jester? LAURA: That's it. That's what I can do. MATT: Pike, you're up. SAM: So on the last turn, Fjord was right in front of her. So she saw him, MATT: She saw him. SAM: And then she saw him move straight backwards. MATT: Correct. So you just saw him vanish into the fog. SAM: And she heard me cast Thunder Wave. MATT: Correct. SAM: She knows what that is. MATT: Yeah. ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: I mean, you still had a bead on him, and then all of a sudden Thunder Wave impacted. You heard the blast and he just vanished into the fog. TRAVIS: You probably heard: (yelp) (laughter) MATT: Yeah. Definitely heard that. ASHLEY: Okay. SAM: And is probably still hearing that. (laughter) ASHLEY: So, I'm going to try to just-- I'm going to-- TRAVIS: So much blood! ASHLEY: Okay. I'm going to walk forward. MATT: Mm-hmm. You walk forward, and just as quickly as you lost sight, you see the man in front of you once more, wounded, holding the blade, glowing. It caused that fog light effect, and it comes into view as you approach. ASHLEY: Hi, buddy. TRAVIS: (squawks) ASHLEY: Okay, Guidance on myself. MATT: Guidance is an action, just so you know. SAM: Then, don't. ASHLEY: Nevermind. Sorry. I'm going to put out my finger, and I'm going to cast Guiding Bolt. MATT: You're casting Guiding Bolt on him? ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: Okay, it is a ranged spell, so you'll have disadvantage on the attack if you're right next to the target ASHLEY: Never mind. I'm really sorry. I'm going to take out my frostbrand sword and I'm going to hit him with it. MATT: Okay, go for that. (laughter) Just letting you know. ASHLEY: Yes, thank you. Thanks. MATT: No worries, and it's been a while since you played Pike. So go ahead and roll for an attack. ASHLEY: It's not like I knew how to play it before. MATT: It's all good. ASHLEY: Well, that's a natural 18 plus nine, 27? MATT: 27. TRAVIS: Y-yeah. Anything with a two in front of it's pretty good. ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. So, we got-- TRAVIS: And some one. ASHLEY: Let me just reminder, see how this works. SAM: It was Fjord's duplicate the whole time! At level 15, he gets a duplicate! ASHLEY: So the target takes 1d6 cold damage. "In addition, when you hold the sword, you have resistance to fire damage." Oh, good to know. Double-- okay, in freezing temperatures (mumbles). Okay. Okay. So, 1d6. SAM: It's just 1d6? ASHLEY: I thought it was 2d6 for some reason. It doesn't matter. Okay, I'll roll this. SAM: That's the whole attack? ASHLEY: I guess, plus four. Okay, so five plus-- so that's nine points of cold damage. TRAVIS: Nine points? ASHLEY: Yes. And also-- MATT: Plus? SAM: Plus? MATT: As a war cleric, you also do additional damage when they hit. ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: So, I think it's additional 2d8? LAURA: Oh jeez! SAM: There it is. ASHLEY: Where do I see that? Where is that, Matt? I'm sorry, just so I know for next time? MATT: That's okay. No worries. No worries. It's all good. LAURA: That's in under, like-- MATT: Under Features. LAURA: Yeah. ASHLEY: Divine Strike. Yes, you're right. LAURA: Divine Strike. ASHLEY: Okay, I found it. Boy, oh boy! Oh, my buddies. TRAVIS: (giggles) LAURA: Two ones! ASHLEY: Okay. Okay, a two and a four, that's six. Six points of damage. TRAVIS: Yep. That's all in the same hit, right? MATT: Yeah. ASHLEY: All in the same hit. And because I'm a war priest, "when you use the attack action you can make one weapon attack as a bonus action?" MATT: Correct. ASHLEY: So, I'm going to hit you again. TRAVIS: Yeah? ASHLEY: Okay. (laughter) She says apologetically. TRAVIS: That's what we're here for. MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: So polite. ASHLEY: But it's my buddies, that's why, but I know he's not today. Okay. 21. TRAVIS: Yes, it hits. ASHLEY: Okay. So, same. MATT: Same. Although, I think the Divine Strike is-- ASHLEY: Divine Strike-- MATT: I think it's once per turn or--? ASHLEY: Yeah, once on each of your turns. MATT: Correct. So, this is just straight up the weapon damage. ASHLEY: Okay. Well, that's a six plus four, so 10. MATT: This is already getting interesting. ASHLEY: 10 points of damage. TRAVIS: Cool. MATT: Are you rolling for the radiant damage? TRAVIS: I am. ASHLEY: Okay. So, that's all I can do as actions. Am I able to-- TRAVIS: You take 18 points of radiant damage. SAM: Radiant damage. Are you immune to that because you're, like, a cleric or something? TRAVIS: I think you're resistant, probably. ASHLEY: I'm not. MATT: No. TRAVIS: To radiant damage? MATT: No. LAURA: Resistant to fire damage. MATT: Just fire. TRAVIS: You sure? ASHLEY: Yeah. TRAVIS: Okay. Cool. ASHLEY: Okay. In this marine cloud, if I back up, he would get an attack of opportunity? MATT: He would likely. ASHLEY: Okay. So, I'm gonna-- I'm-- MATT: (speaking quickly) You're gonna? You're gonna? ASHLEY: (speaking quickly) I'm gonna. MATT: You're gonna. ASHLEY: You know what? I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it, and I'm going to try to go into the little corner, I'm going to try to go into the corner building, the one that I'm closest to. MATT: Okay. So, you get an attack of opportunity against Pike as she turns and runs from you. TRAVIS: That's interesting. MATT: What's your passing perception, Pike? SAM: Passive perception? ASHLEY: 20. SAM: Oh wow. MATT: Okay, yeah. Without issue, you managed to recall and see where the edge of the door is. You get into there, and because your movement is doubled for the next minute, right? That's how your boots go? ASHLEY: Mm-hmm. MATT: You open this door and find your way in where there is another-- SAM: Chest. MATT: -- chest. ASHLEY: Okay. That's my turn. MATT: All right. So, roll or an attack against her? Are you taking it or-- TRAVIS: Oh yeah. But I have War Caster, which means that I can also cast a spell instead of a melee attack. SAM: Ooh, shit. MATT: That's true. LAURA: Yes! Oh, Fjord, do it! TRAVIS: Does Banishing Smite count as a melee attack? Because it only hits on the melee. TALIESIN: You have to roll for it. MATT: Banishing Smite, let me double check. TRAVIS: It's a bonus action. MATT: Banishing Smite, you cast it, and then next time you attack it has the effect. TRAVIS: Right, so not on this one. MATT: No, not for this one. LAURA: But you can do any spell as a reaction, or it doesn't have to be a melee spell attack, it can be any spell as a reaction. MATT: Yeah, with War Caster. TRAVIS: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I'm going to cast Enervation on Pike. MATT: Okay. ASHLEY: What is that? SAM: Enervation. TRAVIS: Tendrils of inky darkness reach out from me and extend to you. You must make a dexterity saving throw. TALIESIN: Yeah. ASHLEY: This is bad. SAM: You got that that inspiration, friend. ASHLEY: Oh, that's true. Okay. Okay. SAM: 12. ASHLEY: Yes. Oh my god. 19. TRAVIS: What's that? ASHLEY: 19. TRAVIS: You save. ASHLEY: Ooh! TRAVIS: On a failed save, you take-- MATT: It's bardic inspiration, man. TRAVIS: -- 4d8 necrotic damage. So you take 19 points of necrotic damage and I heal half of that. Half of that? Let's see. MARISHA: That's cool. SAM: That's pretty good. TRAVIS: Yeah, you take 19 points of necrotic damage. ASHLEY: Okay. Okay. Okay. MATT: You heal nine? SAM: Woof. TRAVIS: Yes. ASHLEY: Ruff. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: No, no, I'm sorry. You take nine points because you saved. Nine points of necrotic damage. And I can heal nine. MATT: Okay. Got it. Okay. That finishes Pike's turn. At the top, Beauregard, you're up. MARISHA: Oh shit! Oh shit! It's me. SAM: Dope monk shit. MARISHA: Oh god! Okay. I got so distracted with what was happening with Fjord. I heard go Fjord go, "Ah!" And I'm just going to be like: Buddy? Captain? And dart into the cloud. I'll-- Yeah. ASHLEY: (whispers) Scanlan. MATT: 50 is your movement, right? SAM: What? MARISHA: 55. MATT: 55. You jump into the cloud and you still don't see anything at the end of your movement. You are right about there. MARISHA: I still don't see anything? MATT: No, you just come into the fog. You have a pretty high passive perception. You hear the (high-pitched cry). You know he's not far. LAURA: (laughs) MARISHA: I know he's not far. SAM: (high-pitched cries) MARISHA: I know he's not far. Fuck! Yeah, fuck it. I'm going to use Step of the Wind and keep moving. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: And just run in. MATT: First five feet, you immediately see Fjord standing there extremely injured, but standing. MARISHA: I go: Where? TRAVIS: Where what? MARISHA: Where are they? Can I keep moving through until I find somebody? TALIESIN: I think you see me at this point. SAM: No. MATT: Not yet. You just keep moving forward? MARISHA: I keep moving. I'm just going to keep moving in a straight line through. MATT: 25, about there. TRAVIS: We got rid of the cloud, would have done a ton of shit. Ugh. LIAM: Where are the gnomes? TRAVIS: Would have been way better. MARISHA: Straight-ish line? ASHLEY: I'm in there. LIAM: You're in the cloud? ASHLEY: I'm in the-- LIAM: Where's Scanlan? TRAVIS: Damn it. SAM: I'm next to Mollymauk. ASHLEY: I'm inside the tower. LIAM: The building. I don't know where that is. SAM: Do you see where Beau is on your screen? LIAM: Oh yeah. SAM: Follow her eyeline. MATT: 30 feet, you come out that side and you come out of the fog, and to your right you can see Mollymauk and-- MARISHA: You?! TALIESIN: Well, what would you expect? Help? MATT: That's all you see. Pike is in the room; you do not see her. There's Scanlan, currently facing off with Mollymauk. MARISHA: I see Scanlan? TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: How much movement do I have left? You said that was 30? MATT: It was 30, yeah. So you have another 25 feet. MARISHA: 25 feet? Okay. I go after Scanlan. TALIESIN: Could flank if you can make it there. MARISHA: Can I flank? SAM: No! That ain't no 25. MATT: Not quite. Not quite. Almost. MARISHA: Not quite. Okay. That's fine. That's pretty good. I go: I like your makeup. Pop, pop, pop! SAM: Pop, pop, pop! (laughter) MARISHA: (breathes heavily) This top is so tight. Okay. (laughter) The first one is a natural 19 for 31. SAM: Yeah, yeah, of course. MARISHA: And the second one is much worse. 15. SAM: Oh, that misses! (laughter) MARISHA: Bullshit! But I hit you once with 13 damage and Stunning Strike. SAM: Yep. What do I save on that? MATT: It's a constitution saving throw. SAM: Ooh, I'm not good at those. Let's see what happens. TRAVIS: Damn it. SAM: 21. TRAVIS: Ugh, it's killing me. MARISHA: Fuck! He saves. SAM: I rolled a 17. MATT: That's amazing. LAURA: (groans) TALIESIN: This is rough. MARISHA: That's my turn. MATT: That's Beauregard's turn. Vax, you're up. LIAM: Well, I just saw the woman in blue come running out of that cloud, and she's dealing with my gnomish friend. So I'm going to fly just within range as a sharpshooter at 60 feet. So I'll just come a little closer MATT: Knowing your range-- LIAM: I want to come just within range. MATT: You're already within range. LIAM: In range? Then I'm throwing a dagger at her. MATT: Go for it SAM: Dagger, dagger...dagger? LAURA: Dagger. LIAM: Wait. Actually-- ASHLEY: Oh. LAURA: Oh no. TALIESIN: Oh no. ASHLEY: It's just my pen, guys. It's just my pen. LIAM: How far was the range? Can I see that? It was well within my range to get to her, you said? MATT: Yeah. She was approximately, from your throwing range, she's about 45 feet from you. LIAM: Great. I'm actually going to fly right down and land right behind her, plunk, and shove the life-stealing dagger into her back. Flanking with Scanlan. MATT: Indeed, so you have advantage on the strike. LIAM: Yeah. That is a-- Hold on, in the wrong place. I'm on the wrong place. TALIESIN: You weren't hit, right? MARISHA: Yeah, a little. LAURA: That's okay. LIAM: I'm going to use one luck. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: Oh yeah. LIAM: It was a 23 to hit. MARISHA: Hits. TALIESIN: Nope. No, it doesn't. MARISHA: Come on, Molly. TALIESIN: Curse of the Eyeless. MATT: All right. TALIESIN: What was that, 23 to hit? LIAM: Yes. TALIESIN: 22, 21, 20, 19 to hit. MARISHA: Miss! LIAM: What just happened? Because I could use another luck, if I understand what's happening. TALIESIN: I just saw you throw that, and decided to just-- Something in your arm-- LIAM: So it lowered my roll. TALIESIN: Lowered your roll. LIAM: Okay. TRAVIS: It lowered your roll. TALIESIN: And you know what? I'm going to amplify that. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Amplify? TALIESIN: So I take two points of damage. SAM: Are you turning it up... to 11? (laughter) LIAM: So am I taking damage, or is just my roll getting lowered? MATT: No, your rolls just gets lower. All of a sudden, as you go to strike, you feel this pulse in your face, the veins swell and your vision goes dark. And as you try and swing forward with the dagger, you hit air. LIAM: I better use my bonus action to do another strike. MARISHA: All right. LIAM: That is only 21 to hit. MARISHA: 21 hits. TALIESIN: And four less. LIAM: Oh, with every attack? MATT: He amplified it, which means it's for the rest of that round. LIAM: Okay. So I used 45 feet? MARISHA: Holy shit. MATT: Correct. LIAM: I'm going 15 feet straight up in the air. TALIESIN: Attack of opportunity. MARISHA: Attack of opportunity. LIAM: Yeah, of course. TALIESIN: Fun. MARISHA: Ooh, not good at all. 17. LIAM: Swing and a miss. SAM: Rogue-on-rogue-- wait, no, rogue-on-monk action. So hot. LAURA: They're so dextrous, both of them. MATT: So you're about-- actually, I'll put a lesser one. 15 feet up in the air. MARISHA: (babbling) MATT: Okay. LAURA: Cool it. MATT: She swings forward, and you just pull out of the reach. LIAM: Two luck gone. No, one luck. MATT: One luck gone. All right. LIAM: One midnight gone! LAURA: One midnight gone! MATT: Finishing your go, Vax. Fjord, you're up. TRAVIS: Ah, boy, life hurts a lot right now. Where is the-- LAURA: Ooh, Scanlan's already used his reaction! SAM: He doesn't know where I am! TRAVIS: I'll look up at the flying guy that put a bunch of very, very sharp daggers into me. MARISHA: He can see out of it. SAM: He can see out of it? LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Oh. TRAVIS: I would fucking hope so! MATT: (laughs) TRAVIS: That would be a terrible divinity. I will cast Hexblade's Curse on Vax with my bonus action. MATT: Ooh, the range on that is--? TRAVIS: 30 feet. MATT: 30 feet. TRAVIS: Or is it 60 feet? MATT: Might have to get a little closer to do it, if that's the case. LAURA: You can only do one-- Is that a cantrip? TRAVIS: Hexblade's Curse? It's just a bonus action. LAURA: Oh, it's not an actual cast? It's not a spell? TRAVIS: Nah. Am I in melee with anybody? MATT: Currently, no, but you have to get a little closer. TRAVIS: I'll get a little closer. MATT: It's a 30 foot range, you said? TRAVIS: 30 foot, yeah. MATT: Yeah, so you have to get a little closer. TRAVIS: Yeah. I'll take the minimum amount. MATT: 10 feet that way will get you. TRAVIS: (groans) Fuck you! MATT: As you're floating up in the air, Vax, pulling up, (wings flapping) the shadows-- You're already a pretty dark individual, clothing-wise and attire, but all of a sudden your clothing gets darker and you see shadows from the nearby space begin to cling to you like an oil. TRAVIS: Okay. And can you point to Pike and Scanlan, please? MATT: Pike you don't see. You did see her run off into that building. TRAVIS: Uh-huh. MATT: Scanlan is on the opposite side of this. TRAVIS: All right, fine. MATT: If you wanted to go that way to get closer, you can do that if you want. TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll go 10 feet, just so that-- yeah, maybe there, but not so that I can see anybody, and not so that they can see me. MATT: Right. Molly can see you. TRAVIS: That's fine. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: And I'll cast Thunder Step again and I will jump 90 feet this way. MATT: Okay. Do you take anybody with you? TRAVIS: No. Oh. Well, no. Fuck it. Molly's going to swing away, man. Let that dude give some work. MATT: Do you want to be next to Molly when you do this? You'll do damage to Molly if you do. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Okay. All righty. TALIESIN: Oh, that's fair. That's great. MATT: (laughs) Go ahead and roll your thunder. TRAVIS: I just want to hurt them. Sorry. You could switch in any second. TALIESIN: No, that's fine. That's fine. MATT: So you're trying to get up to-- let's see. TRAVIS: I just want to hit one of the people that was around me a second ago. MATT: Correct. Pike, you do not have the movement to get to Scanlan for that, unfortunately. TRAVIS: At any of them, Pike or Scanlan? MATT: No. Pike's in the room. LAURA: You're just damaging our own teammates? MATT: Well, you could actually walk into the room to go after Pike, if you want to do that instead. TALIESIN: You did see her go in there. LAURA: Ooh, yeah, do that. TRAVIS: Oh, okay. MATT: Because you did see where she went. You saw Scanlan walk around as you went this way, walked forward. That's pretty tough. Could probably do Pike. Give it a shot. TRAVIS: Sure. SAM: Like through the wall? TRAVIS: Through the open door. TALIESIN: Technically, the door is open. MATT: The door is still open. She didn't close it behind her. SAM: Always close the door. ASHLEY: Fucking doors. SAM: Fucking doors! MATT: Always. Always. (laughs) SAM: Open or closed. TRAVIS: 21. 26. 26 and six is 32. 32 points of thunder damage. MATT: And she gets a what save? TRAVIS: Constitution. MATT: Make a constitution save. ASHLEY: Oh boy. Oh boy. 12. TRAVIS: Oh! Awesome! 32 points of thunder damage. ASHLEY: 32 points of thunder damage? TRAVIS: Yeah. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: And you go how far? 90 feet? TRAVIS: 90 feet. I'm going back to where I came from, dropping the fart cloud as I go. No more stupid fucking-- MATT: That gets you about there. TRAVIS: -- octopus cloud. Great. Can I angle it in a distance where I put some visual separators between me and--? MATT: You can get about there. That's about as much as you can get. TRAVIS: Okay, great. I'll take it! MATT: There you go. (whooshing) You appear on the other side next to what appears to be Jester not far from you, and the fog drops. TRAVIS: Hey, Jester! LAURA: Hi, Fjord. Oh, you look terrible. TRAVIS: Don't go over there. It sucks over there. (laughter) These guys are fucking tough. MATT: All righty. (laughter) That finishes Fjord's go. Scanlan, your turn. SAM: You guys seem like lovely people, and you're very close. You're invading my personal space. And if there's one thing you should know about Scanlan Shorthalt, he likes his privacy. MARISHA: Didn't you pitch the orgy? (laughter) Didn't that come from you? SAM: Are you down? MARISHA: Has it been 60 seconds? SAM: Dimension Door. (laughter) No, actually, before I Dimension Door, I'm going to cast a quick Inspiration to Vax. MATT: Okay. Go ahead and speak the inspiration. SAM: Oh. âª What a rogue needs âª âª What a rogue wants âª âª Is my 12d Inspiration dice âª âª And I'm thanking you for fucking up âª Yep. TALIESIN: So you Dimension Door. Is that technically a teleport? SAM: I'm not-- MATT: It is. TALIESIN: Oh. SAM: I haven't done it yet. I've just inspired. Now, I'm going to Dimension Door. MATT: Okay. SAM: And are you going to cancel my teleport? TALIESIN: Wisdom save. SAM: Wisdom save on me? TALIESIN: Yep. SAM: Okay. I just make a wisdom save? MATT: Just make a wisdom saving throw. SAM: Okay. TALIESIN: I don't remember what the DC is. Hold on. SAM: Well, it's a three. (gasping) TRAVIS: Oh, really? TALIESIN: You rolled a three. I assume that-- MATT: I think that failed. TALIESIN: You do not Dimension Door. (gasping) And! LIAM: Uh oh. TALIESIN: Let's have some fun. MATT: The brand on your chest sparks. LAURA: (gasps) MATT: Brand of Tethering. SAM: These guys are tough. LAURA: The brand! MARISHA: (laughs) SAM: I might go down. TRAVIS: What? TALIESIN: That's 15 points of damage on top of that. MATT: Psychic damage from the-- TALIESIN: Psychic damage. MATT: The feedback from the brand. TRAVIS: Where is this happening on the map? I forget where Scanlan is. TALIESIN: (laughs) MARISHA: This is already-- This is bananas. TALIESIN: Oh, no, you fucking don't. MATT: Just reminding everyone, the gem is in this room. LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. SAM: That's where I was trying to get! LIAM: Well aware. SAM: Wow! Okay. LIAM: You are in a Goodfellas kickoff there. SAM: And I have movement, I guess. MATT: You do. LIAM: But that's two attacks of opportunity. SAM: I don't want to-- LIAM: Although, Beau used her reaction on me. MATT: Correct. SAM: And he just used his reaction on me. MATT: He uses reaction on him, so you can block that. LIAM: Oh shit! MATT: You're free. MARISHA: So wait, what are you doing? SAM: I can't get far. LIAM: You can't smack him. SAM: I can't get far. MARISHA: I will spend a ki point to buy another reaction. SAM: Well, then I won't move. MATT: There is that. SAM: I will use my movement. MARISHA: You're not going? SAM: I'm going to use my movement to just circle around you. LIAM: The metagames. SAM: I'm just going to go back and forth like this. MATT: Yep, you are right there beneath them. SAM: You got nothing. You can't hit me. You can't hit me. I'm too little. Look. I'm wearing glasses. I'll do Minor Illusion to make myself wearing glasses. I'm wearing glasses. You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you? Come on. Come on. MATT: That's fantastic. SAM: (screams) (laughter) MATT: All righty. That finishes Scanlan's go. SAM: Oh fuck. TALIESIN: (chuckles) MATT: Molly, it's your turn. MARISHA: I'm shedding. Oh, this thing is shedding. TALIESIN: I'm going to gently walk to the other side to just walk around to get in range to flank. MATT: All right. So either you can take flank, but the way that Scanlan's positioned himself, the only position in which you can flank puts you partway through a wall. So you'll get advantage, but he will have a three-quarters cover. TALIESIN: Really doesn't help, does it? MATT: I mean, it's, you know. TALIESIN: All right. So I'll just-- Actually, but no. I'll take it because then you get it. MARISHA: Isn't really thing for me. TALIESIN: Oh, well that's fair. Okay. I'll just get to the corner. MARISHA: I do get advantage if I am flanking, right? TALIESIN: I'm doing that. MATT: Yeah, any melee class. MARISHA: Any melee class. Okay. TALIESIN: I'm doing it. MATT: All right. So roll with advantage, but he does get a plus five to his armor class against you. LIAM: Oh boy. TALIESIN: Okay, that works. LIAM: Boy. TALIESIN: So, same thing. That's 20. SAM: But I get a plus five. Miss. MATT: Misses. You go to swing and it hits the stone. TALIESIN: Oh, wait. I'm so sorry. I took disadvantage there. I'm an idiot. That's 24. MATT: You took disadvantage? TALIESIN: I accidentally rolled and took the lower one, not the higher one. MATT: Well, you don't have advantage. No, because you are flanking. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. TALIESIN: 24. Sorry. MATT: That does it. SAM: Then I'll Cutting Words. MATT: All right. MARISHA: So you got advantage, but then he got plus five. I see. I see. Okay. MATT: Yeah. That was the trade-off for the positioning on the wall there. TALIESIN: You're taking Cutting Words? MARISHA: Mm-hmm. SAM: Yes. TALIESIN: All right. MARISHA: My ribs hurt. SAM: I rolled a four. So that reduces your attack by four. Sure. LIAM: 20. SAM: So it misses. MATT: So it misses. TALIESIN: But you did-- You did attempt to attack me there. SAM: No. MATT: No. Cutting Words isn't an attack. TALIESIN: Cutting Words is not an attack. SAM: I just sang to you. MATT: What do you say to cut the words? SAM: âª Cutting words âª (laughter) âª Are all I need to make you âª âª Fuck up this attack âª (laughter) âª You really need to âª TALIESIN: Doesn't count. If-- well, yeah. MATT: So you're so confused by it, you go to swing and just hit the stone next to you, and what is even happening? TALIESIN: It's terrible. That was just terrible. TRAVIS: That's such an obscure pull. (laughter) I missed it. TALIESIN: That's 22 to hit. SAM: That hits. MATT: Yeah. SAM: Even with my five. Yeah. TALIESIN: All right. So that's-- I just double this die, right? Double the amount. Okay. Oh, that's that's not bad. That's seven, eight, nine, 10, 12, 13, 14. That's 16 points of damage. SAM: Okay. MATT: So that's your action and your movement. TALIESIN: Yeah. And let's see what I've got for-- You know-- MATT: Jester, you're on deck, by the way. LAURA: Oh, that's me? Little ol' me? TALIESIN: I think that's about as much as I want to do for right now. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Nothing in the bonus actions looks particularly interesting. MATT: You do have an offhand attack with your other-- TRAVIS: Yeah. TALIESIN: Oh. That doesn't that count against my two attacks? Oh, that's a bonus. I get that two as a bonus. MATT: Yeah, get two attacks, and then bonus action with the offhand. TALIESIN: It's been so fucking long. MATT: I know it's been a while. TALIESIN: All right. I'm taking one more shot. MATT: Everyone's picking up some old habits here. It's all good. TALIESIN: Taking one more shot. I would've done that earlier. Fuck. That's not very good, that's 16. MATT: 16 misses. Okay. Worth a shot, though. Does that Finish your turn, Molly? TALIESIN: Yeah. That's it. MATT: Jester, you're up. Pike, you're on deck. ASHLEY: Okay. LAURA: Okay. MATT: So Jester, you got into the room, you see the chest there. LAURA: Okay. I'm going to cast Dimension Door, and dimension into the other tower with the gem. MARISHA: Oh hell yeah. Oh hell yeah! MATT: Okay. LAURA: Can I go grab it? MATT: You can. LAURA: I'm going to go grab it. MATT: All right. You currently have the gem on you. ASHLEY: Ooh. SAM: No-- MATT: But here's the thing. SAM: No pain or anything? MATT: We're going to get to that here. SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: She's so sweet. It cancels out the pain. LAURA: What did I do? What did it do to me? MATT: You appear in there, and you just see this little imp sitting thing there on a pedestal. LAURA: Hi! MATT: With this thin arms, wings, and this extremely distended stomach. He goes (squawks) and flies out of the room. SAM: What? LAURA: Did he take the gem with it, or-- MATT: You don't see a gem in there. LAURA: I didn't see a gem in there? MATT: I rolled to see what it was when you got there. You get the sense that this imp has eaten the gem. MARISHA: Oh my god. LAURA: Okay. MATT: Now, you still have movement. LAURA: I'm the only one that knows that, though. MATT: Correct. LAURA: And nobody saw me do what I just did? MATT: Nope. TRAVIS: Oh, interesting. They could think you're the imp. LAURA, TRAVIS: Yeah. TRAVIS: Oh man. LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: This map. MARISHA: I know. SAM: This is a mind fuck. LAURA: I'm going to-- TALIESIN: Brilliant mind fuck. LAURA: -- go up to-- LIAM: Is it out of the tower now? MATT: Yeah, it flew out. It flew its movement, which is 30 feet flying. LIAM: And there's no visual indication that there's a gem in its guts. MATT: You have no idea. LAURA: Just an imp that flew out? LIAM: She knows that it ate it? MATT: She's the only one, yeah. There was a little glow in its belly when it was in a dark. He just went (squawks), and just as a reaction, just flew out of that space. You still have your movement and you still have a bonus action. LAURA: Uh oh. Was it within melee range of me? Would I have gotten a reaction on it? MATT: You know what? Yes, you would've. So go ahead and roll because you did appear next to it inside. LAURA: Okay. Well, I'm a War Caster. So I'm going to cast-- TRAVIS: This is so crazy. ASHLEY: This is (sighs). I'm looking rough. TALIESIN: (laughs) LAURA: I'm going to cast-- MATT: Two clerics, neither have healed anyone. ASHLEY: I know. LAURA: Oh god. MATT: (laughs) SAM: Both the utility magicians are down hard. (laughter) LAURA: I'm going to Guiding Bolt it before it gets out the door, if I can, right as it's moving. MATT: Sure. Go ahead and roll for an attack. LAURA: Oh wait. I would get disadvantage on Guiding Bolt because it's within melee range. MATT: It would be. Yes. LAURA: So instead of that, I'm going to cast Inflict Wounds. MATT: Okay. So go ahead and roll your melee attack against it. LAURA: I'm casting that at 2nd-level. MATT: 2nd-level. You got it. TALIESIN: I've never used War Cast-- LAURA: 25. MATT: 25 hits. LAURA: Okay. MATT: Go ahead and roll your damage on that. LAURA: This is 4d10. TALIESIN: Caduceus has it. MARISHA: You get advantage on concentration checks, which is huge. TALIESIN: That's definitely why I have it. TRAVIS: Dude, I've done that twice in this game. It's making me crazy. LAURA: 14. 15. 17 points. MATT: 17 points of damage. (squawks) (flapping wings) It's looking hurt. It's looking real hurt, but it's still flying. LAURA: Okay. Then, I'm just going to back up against the wall and hope that nobody saw me in here. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Is there a chest in there or something? MATT: There is a chest in there. TALIESIN: Oh, you could. LAURA: Oh, can I search it as a bonus action? MATT: No, it's an action to search the chest. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: What was the attack that just came out the door? MATT: A little imp. LIAM: No, I know the imp came out, but how did you attack the imp? MATT: No, she just touched it. LAURA: I just touched it as it was leaving. MATT: Nothing you would have noticed. No sort of arcing blast or anything. All right. So finishing Jester's go. Pike, you're up. ASHLEY: I am very hurt. So. One more hit, and that's it for me. So what I'm going to do is-- SAM: Pump yourself up. ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm going to cast Heal on myself. MATT: Ooh! MARISHA: You're all the way back up. ASHLEY: Doesn't put me all the way back up, but it gives me a good amount. MATT: Indeed. All right. Mark yourself down there. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: Recovered. ASHLEY: Mark that in. And then as a bonus act-sh, Let me put this in. Okay. That's gone. May I-- Hold on. May I cast Healing Word at Scanlan? May I cast Healing Word at Scanlan? MATT: You cannot because we're going by the game rules for both campaigns. So you cannot cast-- You can cast a cantrip and a spell on the same turn. ASHLEY: That's right. That's right. That's right. Okay. LIAM: A reminder to the room because I didn't remember, I'm wearing a cloak of displacement. So when you attack me, it should be at disadvantage. LAURA: Oh wow. Okay. MATT: Good thing to note. TRAVIS: Good. Good to know. ASHLEY: Sorry. TALIESIN: Going to have to deal with that at some point. SAM: Get that chest. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: I don't think anyone's hit you yet, though. LIAM: Fjord hit me. ASHLEY: Do I-- Am I-- MATT: With an attack? You took damage from the reaction, but I don't think he actually-- LIAM: Didn't he smite me as I fled? MATT: Oh, you did. Yeah. LAURA: But opening the chest is an action. So we can't open the chest if we're doing anything else. MATT: Go ahead and do another roll, just for the hell of it, Travis. LAURA: That's why I didn't fucking do it. TRAVIS: Nine plus 13 is 22. LIAM: Miss. I was hasted at the time. MATT: Indeed. So yeah, actually, you can take that Divine Smite back. That spell slot, and you did not take that damage. But you do get your spell slot back. TRAVIS: Do you remember how much damage it was? MATT: It was the only damage-- TRAVIS: It was halved because he used the ring of evasion. LIAM: It was like 20 to 30. MATT: Something like that. I think it was-- (laughter) I want to say it was 18. Because it was 39, I think, originally. LIAM: Okay. That sounds fair. TRAVIS: Yep. MARISHA: That was in the future. MATT: All righty. ASHLEY: Okay. So yes, cast Heal. I can't open the chest because that's also an action. Fuck. TALIESIN: I love this map so much. ASHLEY: Okay. So I'm just going to-- SAM: Do you have any bonus-y sort of buffs or anything? ASHLEY: My cantrip. LAURA: You can't do two spells in one. ASHLEY: My cantrips are-- TALIESIN: Just a cantrip. LAURA: You guys could. But in this world, you can't. (evil laugh) SAM: What do you mean you guys? You were in Vox Machina, too. ASHLEY: Oh, hold on. (laughter) Okay. Since I'm peeking outside the door here and I see Beau. MARISHA: I'm trying to swat at Scanlan. ASHLEY: I'm going to cast Sacred Flame? SAM: Put up your dukes. MATT: That's still action to cast. ASHLEY: Oh, that's right, because I healed myself! MATT: You healed yourself. That's an action spell. ASHLEY: Dagnabbit! MATT: I know. MARISHA: Yeah, I do. MATT: Well, you have your movement still. ASHLEY: I mean, it's a cantrip. MATT: It's a cantrip, but it's an action and a bonus action. ASHLEY: I understand. Okay. So I'm going to shimmy up against the wall to try to stay out of sight out of sight. MATT: So you're staying out of sight? ASHLEY: Say again? LAURA: We're both doing the same thing. ASHLEY: I know. This is what we do. MATT: All right, Pike, that finishes your turn? ASHLEY: That's my turn. That's all I can do. MATT: So that would bring us to the top of the combat round. We're in the midst of a thread here. Let's go ahead and take a break. SAM: What? (groaning) MATT: Starting at the top of the next round because this is already getting intense. So hit some restrooms, fill up on drinks, and we'll come back for the second round of this insanity. LAURA: Oh my god. MATT: See you guys in a minute. Laura: Hey, Critters, Laura Bailey here. Let's see what's up in the Critical Role shop. The cuteness, it's (sighs) overpowering. It's so cute, I can't handle it. This is, this is a lot of stuff, you guys. We have so many cool things right now. (roars) Throw an investigation if you want. It's basically perfect. You're only five clicks away from owning this, maybe more if you have a lot of windows open on your browser. I don't know your life. (clicks) So click on over to the Critical Role shop. (giggles) Don't worry, there's a few more minutes in the break. You still got time. [dramatic percussion music] [harp glissando] I'm really excited to be able to step in as a player, which is a rare experience as it is, let alone a player in my own world, which is a very unique thing. This is the first time I'm kind of handing the reins off of a part of Exandria to somebody else. LIAM: I have no idea if we're going any place we've been before, or to see corners that we didn't get to poke around in. And I'm curious to see it sort of given to us through the lens of a new GM. ASHLEY: When we were talking about wanting to find a new GM to have this space to tell their story, Aabria was, hands down, all of our first choice. She is such an incredible storyteller and she's just an incredible addition to the team. MATT: She had such a uniquely fantastic flair for really expressing narrative and drawing you in and following the players' instincts and weaving the story out of that magic of what's happening now. As we found ourselves kind of coming to this particular project, there really couldn't be anybody else that I can think about trusting it to. LIAM: It's been cool watching Aabria sort of find her sea legs just for that chair and that corner of the table, and then finding her vibe with all of us, too. It's really cool. AABRIA: Let me jump in, because I have a lot of thoughts because there is nothing both cooler and more actually terrifying than having-- being given the gift of Tal'Dorei, which is a place that I'm familiar with, but then I have to sit next to the dude that made it while I'm like, "Here's what I think of your place now, and I'm in charge and if I change something, mine's true." It's exciting, it's terrifying. (laughs) I'm Aabria Iyengar, and I am the Game Master of ExU, Exandria Unlimited. I'm Aabria Iyengar, and I am the Game Master of ExU, Exandria Unlimited. Some of you may know me from other games and streams that I've been on, including Dimension 20's Pirates of Leviathan, Pirates of Salt Bay, over on Saving Throw, and a hundred thousand one-shots 'cause I stream everywhere. It's my whole bag. I'm just extremely online, I think that's what it is. AIMEE: I think it's crazy that they picked me, but I'm really happy to be here. We're going to get halfway through and they're just going to be like, "We don't know what happened, somehow she got in," but it's just the imposter syndrome. My name is Aimee Carrero. I am an actress and I came to this world through my voiceover work. I play Elena of Avalor on Disney+, and She-Ra on She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, and I am now a cast member on Exandria Unlimited until someone kicks me out. ROBBIE: To dip into something that is new, that is brand new, that still calls on all the skills that I've had most of my life, incredibly exciting. And it's so much more fun than I even thought it would be. Like, I knew it was going to be fun, but I didn't know it was going to be this fun. So as soon as we got those first few clean playthroughs out of the way, it all falls together and I'm literally like, "Is it Thursday yet? Is it Tuesday yet? When do we get to play again?" I'm pumped. My name is Robbie Daymond. I'm a full-time professional voice actor, rad dad, undercover nerd, theater kid, and now a D&D player for Exandria Unlimited. What!? What is happening? I'm so excited! LIAM: I've been excited for Robbie to join since we started talking about making this new show and picking friends to join us. He's quick on his feet, he's charming and hilarious, fucking phenomenal actor, and he really is just sort of everything that I wanted in someone who is going to be spending a long time with us. MATT: It was waiting for the right time to go ahead and kind of fold them into our geek space, and when we were discussing the development of Exandria Unlimited, it was the perfect time. It's the perfect time. LIAM: With Aimee, she is coming at this with, like, 150% energy. With Aimee, she is coming at this with, like, 150% energy. And the character that she's been toying with in these early games has been riveting. AABRIA: She came in with such a big concept that it ended up being like this sort of fundamental heart of what we're doing, and I think that's a cool thing for her character, and going through that arc, but also just, like, a huge testament to someone who's not experienced at the form, but is an excellent storyteller. ASHLEY: I adore her. I think she's incredibly smart. She's so funny, and she's taken to the game so quickly. AIMEE: I got the first "How do you want to do this?" Which honestly, like, I didn't think it was going to mean so much to me, but it's really one of the highlights, I think, of my whole professional career. The experience of explaining how I was going to finish off this character, everyone, it was like I was taking all the help I could get, and at the end I was like, "This is literally like someone walking you through your first orgasm." Like, I just didn't know how to do it, and it felt so fucking awesome. And then at the end I was just like, "All right, Chinese or Italian?" It was just the best. I will remember that forever. ASHLEY: I don't know what's going to happen in the first game because we've already played so many games that I feel like would be ready to put onto the internets. that I feel like would be ready to put onto the internets. I can't wait for our audience and our Critters I can't wait for our audience and our Critters to meet this new class, and if they don't already know Aabria, they will, 'cause she's incredible. And to meet Aimee, and to meet Robbie, and I think our audience is going to love them and I cannot wait for this game. [upbeat flute music] I have so many flowers to bring to her. MARISHA: You know I'm in love with you, right? SAM: Case closed. LAURA: Hello, bees! TRAVIS: I would like to rage! TALIESIN: Life needs things to live. LIAM: But I am no friend to the Empire. MATT: In this realm, there are unlimited stories to be told. AABRIA: And just as many storytellers to tell them. [climactic orchestral/choral music] (bright music) (bright music) (bright music) (bright music) (bright music) (bright music) (victorious yelling) (victorious yelling) LAURA: I'm Jester! Do you have a name? MATT: (as Henry Crabgrass) "I don't think so. Wanna give me one?" LAURA: Yeah! Henry. MATT: "I'm Henry. Henry Crabgrass." How do you want to do this? (cheering) (in background) Rolled a natural one. There laying before you is Veth Brenatto. (audience cheering) I'm sure some of you can speak to this, too. It's not until this is taken from you that you realize how important of a rock it is in your weekly life, let alone daily life. (sighing) So happy to be back here with you guys. LAURA: Love you. MATT: Love you all. KYLE: Five! Four! Three! TRAVIS: âª Makin' my way! âª KYLE: Two! MATT: And welcome back. Subscribe, or don't subscribe. Oh, that's not a question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to ponder the pros and more pros of Twitch or Twitch Prime, or to take hands and gift new subs to Critters who find they can't afford them. To play, to sleep no more. And by asleep, to say the cast and crew of "Critical Role" might find their naps around the hectic schedule of a live broadcast that we have brought for your consumption, both Critter and fan alike. To play, or sleep. (chuckles) No sleep, but just to stream. Ay, there's the rub, for with your subscription, what streams may come. Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man, that is a fucking tagline. Do we got that? Oh, that is Twitch poetry. (grunts) Oh, anyway, subscribe to Critical Role. Use Twitch Prime to subscribe. Gift some subscriptions. You got it. Mm, wrong soliloquy for the skull, but that's fucking good. (lively Elizabethan music) And welcome back. So let's pick up where we left off. Top of the round: Beauregard, you're up. Vax, you're on deck. LIAM: Oh boy, oh boysies. MARISHA: All right. SAM: I've got money, I've got power, I can get whatever you want. MARISHA: I look at him and I go-- LIAM: I got Wish, one day I'll have Wish. MARISHA: And I use my lightning gloves to hit Vax above me. SAM: Oh, in the anus? MATT: Oh shit, yeah, you can totally do that. MARISHA: Yeah, I can! Disadvantage? LIAM: Yes. MARISHA: Oh, that one's cocked. But I don't think it's good enough, 18? LIAM: Miss. MARISHA: Fuck. MATT: Goes free. MARISHA: Next attack. Fuck. LIAM: Fucking respect, though, but miss. MARISHA: 20 total? LIAM: Miss. MATT: Goes free once more. TRAVIS: What's your AC? LIAM: 23 and she's got to do it at disadvantage because of my cloak. MARISHA: 23? LIAM: No, it's 21. MATT: Because he's not hasted. LIAM: But you still miss. MATT: Yep, but you still miss. I was about to say, I think Haste is gone, it's 21. LIAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah. MATT: Two bolts of lightning streak out of the fists of Beauregard in the air-- TRAVIS: There is no worse feeling than feeling the action, disappear. LIAM: For sure. For sure. Hey, man, I attacked you and didn't do shit either, so. MARISHA: It's true, it's true. LIAM: It's fair play. MATT: To be fair, the two of you are going to be the two characters that would be full-on martial arts movies sparring were neither can get a hit in. Blunt Ip Man style, just cancel. TALIESIN: Just take care of this first. MARISHA: Flurry of Blows. MATT: What you doing? Flurry of Blows. MARISHA: Flurry of Blows. LAURA: On Scanlan? MARISHA: On him, goddamn it. Come on, just above like a seven. (excited noises) That is a 21! LIAM: I'll burn a Luck to make you roll again. (laughter) TRAVIS: You can do it, you can do it twice. MATT: So you roll one more dice. MARISHA: Just one more? MATT: Just one. LIAM: One more and this is the one. MARISHA: Oh my god. LIAM: Maybe you'll get me. MARISHA: 21 again! I rolled the exact same fucking thing. Oh my god. TRAVIS: Amazing, amazing. MARISHA: Wait, that was my first of Flurry of Blows. MATT: Correct, you have a second one follow up on it. MARISHA: Stunning Strike. MATT: He's out of range of you. Stunning Strike only works when it's physically upfront. MARISHA: But I thought that it still counts as melee damage with the lightning it just extends it by 20. MATT: It extends the damage, but it's considered lightning damage. Stunning Strike, and we've gone over this before, you have to actually physically hit them to stun. LIAM: And I can't Uncanny Dodge lightning damage either, right? Because it's not melee. MATT: Correct. LIAM: Uncanny Dodge is melee. MATT: If that's what it says, then yeah. LIAM: Well, I don't know. MATT: Uncanny Dodge I think maybe is an attack of some sort. LIAM: That you can see. MATT: Double check to see what that is because you might be able to. MARISHA: It's still 13 damage. LIAM: Okay. MARISHA: And I'm going to use my last pop against Scanlan. LIAM: Nasty. MARISHA: And you don't have disadvantage, so a straight roll on you. TALIESIN: No, it's advantage. MARISHA: Oh, it's advantage because of you. LIAM: When an attacker you can see hits you with an attack. MATT: Yeah. LIAM: So I half that? MARISHA: Neither of those are great, but I think they still hit you at a 20 total again. SAM: They would, but I start singing-- MATT: But you can't because you used your reaction on Molly last time. SAM: Was that this round? MATT: Yeah. SAM: Fuck. All right, I'll take it. ASHLEY: Isn't this the beginning of the-- LIAM: The beginning of the new round? She's at the top of the-- MARISHA: Stunning Strike. LIAM: Wait, why did he, if we're at the top of the new round, why doesn't he have a reaction? MATT: It doesn't recharge on the round, it recharges by the next turn. LIAM: Thank you. TRAVIS: Oof, boy. MARISHA: Stunning Strike. SAM: Do I save against that? MARISHA: Yeah, save against it, constitution. SAM: Constitution. Oh boy, has to be big. Not big, 12. MARISHA: Stunned. MATT: So roll damage and Scanlan is-- MARISHA: Yeah, I rolled high, I rolled a seven, so you would take 14 damage. I didn't get Vax. MATT: Scanlan, you are-- SAM: I'm still alive. MATT: -- hit in the chest and suddenly all of your muscles tense. You feel this buzzing sensation throughout your whole body as you are just unable to really do anything for the next round. MARISHA: I can technically get an Extract Aspects on both of them. I don't know how useful-- MATT: That's true, yeah, you could. MARISHA: Because I hit both of them with my Flurry of Blows. MATT: Let her know what you are resistant to and what you're immune to. SAM: Acid, I'm resistant to acid. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. MARISHA: Okay. Vax, do you have any resistances? LIAM: With my armor, would I say what the armor is resistant to? MATT: Yes. LIAM: Ice. MARISHA: Ice. MATT: Cold. MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: The only energy I knew would be on this field is your armor, possibly. TRAVIS: Oh, of Agathys. MARISHA: So I just shout out to anyone who can hear me: Jes, avoid ice for the bird and acid for this little pain in the ass. LAURA: My duplicate yells: Okay! MARISHA: Oh, she heard me. TRAVIS: To be clear, he's quite a large pain in the ass, ow! MARISHA: That's my turn. MATT: All right. MARISHA: That's my turn. Vax is a pain in the fucking ass. MATT: He is, but stunning Scan is pretty, pretty nuts. Speaking of Vax, it's your turn; what are you doing? LIAM: Well, that imp is next to me and I would see in my peripheral so. MATT: Yeah, with your passive perception, you would definitely see this imp flying by and you can see this glow in its stomach. Roughly the size of the stone from earlier. LIAM: Bonus action dagger. MATT: All right. LIAM: That is a-- I mean, it's going to hit. It's 20, I believe-- Where's Whisper? 21. MATT: 21 just hits. This creature's pretty wily. MARISHA: Lucky 21s over here. LIAM: Okay. That's 10 of damage to-- no, 10 plus radiant. 10 plus-- 13 total. MATT: 13, the creature slices open and falls as the gem hits the ground. LAURA: And falls into the lava. MATT: About there. LIAM: I will fly down, scoop it up. So it's 15 or-- maybe 20, 25 feet down to it? MATT: About 25 feet to get to it. LIAM: Yeah, action to grab it and squeeze a Percival out of it. MATT: Well, picking up an item isn't necessarily, but you mean to-- LIAM: To activate it. MATT: To activate? LIAM: Yeah, dude. MATT: Squeeze a Percival out of it. LIAM: Yep. LAURA: Oh no, Percy's going to be right next to you. LIAM: So whatever is left, that was probably 15 or 20 feet. MARISHA: Yeah, we had to go a whole, the whole-- LIAM: And then I will fly-- so that was bonus action and action-- straight up into the air. MATT: Okay, so that was-- LIAM: Probably 40 feet in the air. MATT: 25 feet there. LIAM: 35 feet in the air. MATT: 35 feet up. SAM: Get to her before it gets to her again. MATT: All right. So as you grab the stone, you watch as it disappears out of your hand, the energy shifts. You look over and Mollymauk vanishes, and with a puff of smoke, Percival stands there at the ready, resummoned. You fly up into the sky. (wings flapping) A little energy appears at the top and... appears back where it started. The top of the main tower. Finishing Vax's go. Fjord, you're up. TRAVIS: Ugh. (heavy sigh) (humming) LIAM: Oh man. MATT: Now because you have been hit, your form is not shimmering anymore, correct? The Displacement cloak? LIAM: She hit me before my turn. MATT: Right, but then your turn came. You're right, so it is back up, you got it. MARISHA: What's back up? Oh, your bullshit? LIAM: For a split second, the cloak stopped going-- (vibrating) Or my-- sorry, leather jacket, like in the Mad Max series. MARISHA: Is it the top of your turn or for one round? LIAM: It's the top of my turn. MARISHA: Bullshit, so it's okay, it's pointless for me. Yeah, all right, all right, all right. TRAVIS: First things first. MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs) Fuck you. TRAVIS: The cage that I'm standing next to, what do I see inside of it? MATT: Glancing inside, you see, buried amongst the rubble, a small containment chest. TRAVIS: Containment chest. Are these like-- is there a door to this cage or am I going to have to surmount this thing? MATT: You can try and climb over it. TRAVIS: I don't see a door? MATT: There's no door. TRAVIS: Goddamn it. Listen, I'm trying to limit the number of dumb fucking things I do in this game. Can there be a door on the cage? (laughs) Containment chest. Yeah, yeah, cool. MATT: Kind of metallic jar. TRAVIS: How important is it to change Percy back to Molly? TALIESIN: (laughs menacingly) TRAVIS: And what does it take to activate the box, an action? MATT: Well, that's up on top of the tower. TRAVIS: Yeah, but if you get to it, it takes an action? MATT: Takes an action, yeah. TRAVIS: Nipples. ASHLEY: Where did the gem go, sorry. Did we see? MATT: Back to the top of the tower. ASHLEY: Back to the top of the tower, okay. TRAVIS: Not yet, though. LAURA: You're so low. TRAVIS: I know! (laughs) LIAM: (laughs) LAURA: You may not get the chance. MATT: Whatcha doing, Fjord? TRAVIS: Yeah, that's true. LIAM: Tim Roth in Reservoir Dogs. MATT: Scanlan, you're on deck. SAM: I know, I'm looking. MATT: You're stunned. TRAVIS: When Fjord went up one level in warlock to get to 15, I took an Eldritch Invocation or it's a Mystic Arcanum or something, I can't remember what it is. Anyway. I will cast Polymorph at 5th-level and I will turn myself into a T-Rex. (laughter) LIAM: âª Anyone can be a cleric âª TRAVIS: And I will use-- MATT: (roars) âª (singing Jurassic Park theme) âª LIAM: Let chaos reign! TRAVIS: I'll use 50 feet of movement to close towards the other end of the map. MATT: Over here? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: There was a cage there. You can try and push it off, if you want to. TRAVIS: Yeah, let's knock it over. MATT: Go ahead and make a strength check using the T-Rex's strength. TRAVIS: Plus seven. God, why can't I be that all the time? 24? MARISHA: Full Jurassic Park! TRAVIS: Yeah! MATT: This all crashes over and as it does, a chest is knocked free onto the ground over here, from the impact. TRAVIS: Amazing. MATT: You can move about-- about there. I'm just going to move this out of here so it's not-- TRAVIS: Cool. MATT: You get about there in you T-Rex form in a full run, charging through and blasting that as you go. TRAVIS: That's it. (belches) MATT: All right, finishing Fjord's go. Scanlan, you are stunned unless you have something up your sleeve. SAM: (sighs) I'm trying to game this out. I don't get to save against this stun, right, it just is? MATT: No, it just lasts until the end of her next turn. SAM: Her next turn. LAURA: With stun, do we just get advantage-- MATT: Now you know how I feel. LAURA: -- on attacks against him? What about saving throws? Do they still get to make a saving throw? MARISHA: I don't think they can. LAURA: Can they make saving throws when they're stunned? MATT: When they're stunned? They automatically fail strength and dex saving throws. LAURA: Got it. MATT: But they can make all the others. LAURA: Okay. SAM: So is Percival Fredrickstein Klossowski von Musel de Rolo III in front of me right now? TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. MATT: Correct. SAM: I think he's got this in hand. I'll Dimension Door. It's verbal. MATT: Right, but you don't have an action. SAM: What are you talking about? MARISHA: You're stunned, motherfucker! MATT: You're stunned. You're incapacitated, which means you don't have an action or a reaction SAM: I can still speak, though. MATT: You can speak, but it's still an action to do the spell. You go to speak, and you're like-- (stutters) You sound like me when I was in second grade. MARISHA: When you get the air knocked out of you. (grunts) SAM: You're too good. This monk shit is awful. MATT: (laughs) SAM: I got nothing. I can't cast a spell, I can't do anything. Okay, I'm good. MARISHA: I love you. LIAM: God, our characters really are twins. MATT: "Can't move and can only speak falteringly." MARISHA: So annoying. SAM: I will speak falteringly and just say-- (stuttering) MARISHA: Let it out. Let it out. Tell me how you really feel. I know, I know. SAM: Not a finger! MATT: Jester, it's your turn. LAURA: Okay. (screams) Okay. MATT: You hear a loud roar from around the way. (thudding) This slightly green-tinted T-Rex comes carving around the corner. LIAM: (screeches) LAURA: Oh my god, okay, okay, okay. There's so many things I want to do. MATT: Yeah, you just got to pick one. LAURA: (frustrated scream) MATT: Pike, you're on deck. LAURA: I'm going to-- SAM: Get ready to fucking heal or not because I'll probably be dead. LAURA: Okay, wait. I just got to read this thing. MATT: Aight. LAURA: Okay. Okay. I'm going to cast-- Shit, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Things have changed. TALIESIN: This is the board of change. Everything is constantly fucked. LIAM: Transmutability. LAURA: Okay. (groans trepidatiously) MATT: Yes? Yes? LAURA: Okay, I'm going to-- Are... Scanlan and Percy within 10 feet of each other? SAM: You don't know. TALIESIN: Oh yes. MATT: You actually do not know. SAM: You don't know any of this shit. MATT: All that you see right now inside the room is the imp went out, you saw the gem drop, the winged man in dark clothing snatch it, and then a T-Rex come around the corner. You just have the view outside of the door right there. LIAM: Oh, that's amazing. LAURA: Oh god, okay, I'm going to-- MATT: It's just absolute fucking chaos out there. LAURA: I'm going to step out then so I can see everything that's going on and I'm going to-- MATT: And stepping out you now have a view of the space there and you do see Scanlan and Percival are within five feet of each other. LAURA: Okay, and Vax is right above Percy? I'm sorry, I can't see that. MATT: No, Vax is about 20-- LIAM: 35, I said, we put me at. MATT: Yeah, but she's 10 feet off the ground. LIAM: Oh, that's true, yep. MATT: Yeah, you're on a higher platform. So he's about 25, 30 feet from you. LAURA: How close is he in regards to Percy, though? Is he above Percy, is he-- MATT: He's above and to the-- about 10 feet this way. ASHLEY: Above, and to the left. LAURA: All right. MATT: Back, to the left. LAURA: I'm going to cast Flame Strike. MATT: Okay. LAURA: I'm going to focus it on Percy. MATT: Okay. LAURA: So everybody within a 10-foot radius of Percival. 40 feet up, it's a 40-foot high cylinder. MATT: Oh, then up here? Yeah, no, you would get-- you would get Scanlan, Percival, and Vax in it, yeah. LAURA: Great. MATT: No, Beau-- well, actually, are you-- If you're centering it on Percival? You got it. Beau, you're also in that radius. LAURA: Would I have been able to get them without hitting Beau, if I look? MATT: You could. LAURA: I could? MATT: You could. LAURA: Okay, then I'm going to do that. I wouldn't intentionally hit her. MATT: Fair enough, you just specified on Percy so letting you know that would happen. LAURA: I can't see because I'm not wearing glasses. MATT: That's all good. So go ahead and roll damage on that. LAURA: Okay, that is a dex save, everybody has to make. TRAVIS: Glasses are so not Mad Max. MATT: You fail automatically. LIAM: I have advantage. ASHLEY: I know, I have mine, but I'm resisting for some stupid reason. TALIESIN: What level is that spell? 24. MARISHA: Oh lordy. TALIESIN: What level are you casting this at? LAURA: That would be a 6th-level spell. TALIESIN: (laughs) SAM: Do it. TALIESIN: So I'm going to charge Cabal's Ruin all the way up. MATT: Okay, you still take the damage. TALIESIN: And I am resistant, yeah. And I made the dex save. MATT: You made the dex save, okay, so you take half damage. TALIESIN: And then half damage. MATT: Half damage, auto-fail for stunned Scanlan. SAM: Sure, sure, sure. TALIESIN: And I get half damage, half damage. MATT: Well, for part of it because it's half fire and half radiant. TALIESIN: Oh, okay. LAURA: So fire damage-- MATT: Oh, no, the spell, from the spell you mean for one of the damage types, right? TALIESIN: Yes. MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Y'all, I rolled two sixes, a five and a four. SAM: Damn. LAURA: So 22 on the fire damage and 16 on the radiant damage. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: And then-- so I take half of that so eight, four. SAM: I'm out. LIAM: Got it. MATT: Scanlan is unconscious. MARISHA: You're out? SAM: I'm down, I'm down. I'm down. MARISHA: Oh shit. LIAM: We do have a Pickle. We're in a pickle and we have a Pickle. TRAVIS: She's up, he's up. LIAM: I rolled a 21 to save, did I save? LAURA: You did. LIAM: And it was a dex save? LAURA: Yes. LIAM: With evasion, I take zero damage. LAURA: Great, cool. LIAM: Love you, too. LAURA: All right, well, I got you and I kind of got you. So dang it, that counts. MATT: Rogues, man. LIAM: Just hard to hit. LAURA: And then I'm going to use the rest of my movement to say: Oh, shit! And I'm going to fly-- I'm going to run back into the room where I came from. MATT: Okay. LAURA: And I'm going to just face the door so no one can sneak attack me. Okay, so it's just roaring chaos you walk out and go-- (explosion) Just right back in, perfect. MARISHA: Some camping shit, I love it. LAURA: Totally. TRAVIS: Put your ass in a corner. MARISHA: Uh-huh! MATT: All right, that finishes Jester's go. Pike, you're up. Percy, you're on deck. ASHLEY: This changes everything, okay. Clicking my boots together-- LAURA: By the way that Flame Strike was a 5th-level, not a 6th-level. TALIESIN: Okay. LAURA: Sorry, I said it wrong. TALIESIN: That does change things. ASHLEY: I got to go get my boy. MATT: All right, well, you got 50 feet of movement because your speed doubles, so-- 30, 35, 40, 45, 50 at your maximum, but you can get right adjacent to him. ASHLEY: Great, okay. That would be-- let me see what I'm going to do this at. SAM: Oh, you can touch me. ASHLEY: Yeah, because Healing Word is not-- it's only d4. SAM: Thank god. ASHLEY: Yeah, I was going to do Healing Word, but I was like-- TRAVIS: Just the tiniest tap. ASHLEY: Yeah, I was like, we don't have time for a Word. I got to get over there. SAM: When I fell, my butt was exposed a little bit. Just in case. ASHLEY: Okay, so so both hands on the booty. LIAM: Bubble butt? TALIESIN: Squeeze the Charmin. SAM: And it's sizzling from the flames. TRAVIS: Is there any hair on your butt cheek or is it perfectly-- SAM: It's burned off. TRAVIS: Porcelain, okay, good. LIAM: Just a diagonal line of it under the pants, but up top it's clean. SAM: Scanlan only shaves the front. He's lazy that way. ASHLEY: I'm going to do 4th-level-- LIAM: The back doesn't show up in selfies. SAM: Yeah, that's right. MATT: What level are you casting it? ASHLEY: 4th-level. MATT: Nice, okay. So 4d8 plus five, right? ASHLEY: Yeah. Goodness, I don't have any space. Ooh, that's good, okay. LIAM: My goodness, my goodness. ASHLEY: I'm sorry. Okay, 28. SAM: Amazing. I'm madly in love with you. ASHLEY: Oh, same. Keep giving you some massagies. Okay, and then that's it, that's my move. MATT: All righty, got it. ASHLEY: That's what I can do. MATT: Finishing Pike's go. Percival. SAM: Any bonuses? ASHLEY: That was my clicking to get over to you. TALIESIN: All right. MATT: Top of the round, you're up. TALIESIN: I take all of this in, see Beau. Well, you seem like fun. I'm going to pull Animus out, take my first shot. MATT: Go for it. ASHLEY: Baby! MARISHA: At who? ASHLEY: No, what am I doing? MARISHA: You shooting at me? TALIESIN: Yes. (laughter) MARISHA: Who's calling me babe? I hear it a lot. MATT: I still love the idea of, from Beau's perspective, like spells, spells, T-Rex round, this dude just (shots firing) Just unloads. LIAM: Yeah, Indiana Jones shoot. MATT: Yep. MARISHA: The fuck is that? MATT: I miss Percy. MARISHA: Has Beau really seen a gun at this point? MATT: You've seen them, but not like this. MARISHA: Oh, you one of those rich boys? TALIESIN: Oh yes. First shot. (laughter) ASHLEY: Gosh, I love him. TALIESIN: 31. MARISHA: Hits. MATT: I love that in this outfit, I don't know why, but you look like the-- ASHLEY: Benjamin Franklin? MATT: The gayest of Ben Franklins and I love it so much. I love it so much. SAM: So just Ben Franklin. MATT: I mean, yeah. MARISHA: That's true. TALIESIN: Ben got some dick, we know. MATT: Fair enough. No, I'm just saying his extreme version, his most realized self if he lived today. ASHLEY: This whole look is just really, I love it. MATT: I'm living right now and it's so great. TALIESIN: Plus 1d6. ASHLEY: I want to hug you so bad. LIAM: This view that I have is the best view I've had the entire pandemic. TALIESIN: 3d10 plus 1d6, and then I'm also going to put all of Cabal's Ruin into this. MATT: Sure, yeah, go for it. TALIESIN: So first damage is-- Blech. Nine points of piercing damage. MARISHA: Deflect Missiles. TALIESIN: Does she deflect-- MATT: Well, it's full damage first to see if you can deflect it. TALIESIN: So one point of psychic damage. MATT: So 10 points of damage and then add the Cabal's Ruin damage to that. TALIESIN: And then Cabal's Ruin is one, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four-- SAM: Taliesin's having the most fun tonight. He just gets to wreck people. LIAM: No pressure. MARISHA: Yeah, just wreck-- No holds. Yeah. SAM: Why don't we just all gang up on him? MATT: That's a tactic. SAM: Let's just change the rules. TALIESIN: 19 points of thunder damage on top of all that. So that's 29-- MATT: So 29 points of damage. MARISHA: I negate 28 points of that damage. LIAM: Wow! MARISHA: 1d10 plus 20 and I rolled an eight on a d10. MATT: All right, so you take one point of damage. LIAM: Beau punched bullets. MATT: You fire the first one and she like catches it and it bursts through her. MARISHA: Yeah, try to catch it, but ow! MATT: Shakes it off painfully. LIAM: That happens in John Wick all the time. MARISHA: I just peel a little ball-bearing out of my palm a little bit and it's a little scorched. TALIESIN: I take my bonus action to reload and say: Interesting. Can you do that with the other hand? I fire again. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: That's-- LAURA: Maybe? TALIESIN: 23 to hit. MARISHA: Hits. TRAVIS: Wow. TALIESIN: Four points of psychic damage and 14 points of regular damage. MATT: So 18 points of damage. Well, you already used your reaction. MARISHA: Oh, I'll buy another. MATT: So you spend a ki point to buy a second reaction, okay. MARISHA: That was cocked, that is 27 total. MATT: She catches the bullet, no damage. TALIESIN: So impressive, I fire again. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: Technically, if you reduce all the damage can't you throw it back? MARISHA: I can. I can, but I'm not going to, I'm going to hold. I'm already burning through some ki points. MATT: Catches one bullet, catches the other. ASHLEY: So cool. MATT: That's fucking rad. LIAM: Both her hands are occupied Percival. TALIESIN: I rolled an 18, you got hit again. MARISHA: What was it, you rolled an 18? TALIESIN: I rolled an 18 which is 32 to hit. That's-- Oh, you're lucky. Nine points of damage, one point of psychic damage, so 10 points of damage. MATT: 10 points of damage. MARISHA: I negate it completely. MATT: Well, no you can't, remember you can only buy an additional reaction once per turn. MARISHA: Oh, that's right, that's right, you're right. MATT: So the third, you're like (two impacts) out of hands. (impact) MARISHA: Sorry, what was it, 10 points? MATT: 10 points of damage. MARISHA: Okay. Yeah. LAURA: That is fair. TRAVIS: 10 points for three shots, that's not bad. MATT: Anything else, Percival? TALIESIN: Action, action-- Oh, can I do that? MATT: Action surge, yeah, you can. MARISHA: Oh my god. SAM: He's got ki points too. LAURA: Three more? ASHLEY: Three more shots you have? MATT: No joke, he is just full-on-- LIAM: Don't you remember; he did this a couple of times in the campaign, six shots in a go, on our enemies. TALIESIN: So I had one shot left, so I first shot, reload shots-- MATT: Second shot, so you have four more, three more bullets left. TALIESIN: Three more bullets. MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: All right. MATT: Well, no Animus is six, right so? TALIESIN: No, Animus is four, so I have to reload for one other shot, so I have two-- MATT: I thought Retort was four, Animus was back to six. TALIESIN: Oh, well, good to know. MARISHA: (whispering) Why are you helping him? SAM: Yeah, no, that's right. TALIESIN: Okay. All right, so I have three more shots. SAM: Retort's four. TALIESIN: Here we go. LAURA: Because he wants Vox Machina to win. MARISHA: I know. TALIESIN: Ugh. That sucks. 17 to hit. MARISHA: That misses. TALIESIN: Let's do that again. MARISHA: (dodging noises) TALIESIN: 18 to hit? MATT, MARISHA: Misses. ASHLEY: Oh, oh oh! War God's Blessing? MATT: You can do that, add a plus 10 to it, yeah. ASHLEY: Add plus 10. MARISHA: Oh shit. ASHLEY: No, you just take plus 10. TALIESIN: Oh, to-- ASHLEY: To whatever your roll was. MARISHA: Yeah, that hits. MATT: Double check just to make sure because it's been a while since we've done this, but. ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. TRAVIS: I love the confusion. I remember a thing? ASHLEY: War God's Blessing question mark? TRAVIS: I said this before. MATT: You get to grant that creature a plus 10 bonus to the roll. TALIESIN: All right. MATT: Yeah. LIAM: Wow. TALIESIN: 15 points of damage. MARISHA: Yep, I'll take that. TALIESIN: One more attack. MATT: Go for it. LIAM: Come on, de Rolo-lo-lo-lo. TALIESIN: (gun misfiring) MATT: Oh! MARISHA: Oh no! TALIESIN: I take three points of psychic damage. MATT: That was an epic round. TALIESIN: (frustrated grunt) MARISHA: Yeah, it was. TALIESIN: I'm backing up and moving towards the tower. MATT: This way? TALIESIN: No, straight back. MATT: Straight back this way or this way? TALIESIN: Towards Jester. MATT: Okay. LAURA, MARISHA: Towards Jester. TALIESIN: And up the tower as far as I can go. MATT: You can get up into, just inside where she is. TALIESIN: Oh, I don't want to go inside. I want to go up above it. MATT: Above it? Oh, because you can. LIAM: That's the lion's cage. You don't want to go in there. MATT: Yeah, so you are up. TALIESIN: I'm aware of what happens when I'm not on, am I aware of what happens when I'm not on the field or no? MATT: No, you have no idea. TALIESIN: Okay, that's fine. TRAVIS: I love it, no idea just (teleporting noises). MARISHA: (confused yelling) TRAVIS: I was somewhere before; I was somewhere else before. MATT: Where was I? Where did I go? All right, that finishes your turn, Percy? TALIESIN: That finishes my turn. MARISHA: Oh, it's me. Oh my god, it's me. MATT: Vax, you're on deck. MARISHA: Oh my god. LIAM: Oh shit. MATT: You're filled with bullets. Both in hands and some in your body. MARISHA: And I'm going to take my lead filled palms. I've got a Pike and a Scanlan down right in front of me, correct? TRAVIS: A Pike and a Scanlan. MARISHA: Hey, you said I was cute earlier. ASHLEY: Yeah. MARISHA: Sorry! Pop with a hand of my-- Shit, shit, shit. Okay, this is just good old regular pop. Ooh, that's a 24 total? ASHLEY: That hits. MARISHA: Okay. Plus 12 to that attack. 13 points of damage. ASHLEY: Okay. MARISHA: A-Stunning Strike. MATT, MARISHA: Make a constitution saving throw. ASHLEY: Oh, my constitution's so bad, come on. Let's go with this guy. SAM: Goddamn Stunning fucking goddamn Strike. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: How Matt feels. MATT: You got to kill the monk, guys. ASHLEY: 12. MARISHA: You are stunned. LIAM: We discussed it. Heavily, which one was the biggest threat? ASHLEY: Pike is stunned. MARISHA: Scanlan is still stunned, right? SAM: No, Scanlan was brought back to consciousness. MARISHA: He went down, but came back up. MATT: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: I'm going to hit Scanlan next. MATT: Okay. SAM: I'm on the ground. MATT: Which gives her advantage for melee attacks. SAM: Awesome. MATT: Ranged attacks it's disadvantage, but. MARISHA: I rolled, nope, that's a 13. I rolled a 13 and an 18 for 30 total to hit. MATT: I'm going to say that hits. SAM: 13 and an 18 together, wait. MARISHA: I rolled for the advantage. SAM: Oh, got it. MARISHA: And then, so that is 11 damage. SAM: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: Stunning Strike. MATT: Roll a constitution saving throw. SAM: Fuck this. MARISHA: Sorry. ASHLEY: Sorry. SAM: I mean-- TRAVIS: You look real good. LAURA: Yeah, you look awesome. MARISHA: I love your makeup. Your coat is so pretty. SAM: Wow. Okay, not terrible. Not good enough, 16. MARISHA: No, you had to make a 17. I am so sorry. ASHLEY: Can you inspire yourself? SAM: I can't do shit; I haven't had a turn in a while. TRAVIS: Oh yeah, you're just stunned-- ASHLEY: Fuck! SAM: Stunned, last thing I did was dispelled, the thing before that didn't work. LIAM: So what's your status now? MARISHA: So you're stunned again. MATT, LIAM: Stunned again. MATT: Second round that Scanlan's lost. This is not good. MARISHA: Did I roll damage for you yet? SAM: I will say, I will say on the first hit can I retroactively Cutting Words the damage? No, I can't. MATT: Yeah, I mean, like, if-- Well, Cutting Words the damage or the roll, it's up to you do you want to-- SAM: No, it's good. LIAM: He's reversed a couple things for other people in the circle. MATT: No, I'll allow it. I mean, we've done some reverse stuff, go for it. SAM: All right, I would've Cutting Words the damage, at least. Great, so four points less damage. MARISHA: Against you? SAM: Yeah. MARISHA: Okay. ASHLEY: How many times can you Cutting Words? SAM: Once a round. LAURA: It's just a reaction. SAM: But I'm stunned. MATT: Yep, you're stunned. SAM: So bring it. MARISHA: Yeah, Flurry of Blows. MATT: Uh-huh. MARISHA: I get advantage on all these attacks. MATT: On against who? MARISHA: Huh? MATT: Against who? MARISHA: Scanlan. MATT: All right, two attacks with advantage. SAM: Pike, protect me! Oh wait. MARISHA: That's low, though, but ooh, those are both low. Oh, but, well, but you're down. SAM: Yeah, you're going to hit. MARISHA: 17? SAM: Yeah. MARISHA: Hits, okay. TRAVIS: His AC's 16. MARISHA: Okay. And that is 13 damage on that one. The last pop-- SAM: Stunning Strike. Extra stun. MARISHA: Okay, 30 total. SAM: Sure. MARISHA: And oh, I rolled a one on that damage for eight total. SAM: Down again. TRAVIS: Unconscious. SAM: Unconsc. MATT: Scanlan is unconscious again already. MARISHA: And that's it, that's my turn. MATT: All right, finishing Beau's go. Vax, you're up. LIAM: Vax slams down on the ground right next to Scanlan, Scanlan between me and Beauregard I use an action to cast Lay on Hands, pump 10 hit points into him, and throw a dagger into her into her fucking throat. SAM: What a ride this is. LIAM: Natural 20. TRAVIS: Oh shit. MARISHA: You're throwing it? LIAM: I'll take your 10 hit points. Fuck yeah. TRAVIS: Oh my god. LIAM: Okay. ASHLEY: This is, this is wild. SAM: My body hurts. ASHLEY: The ups and the downs. SAM: My body hurts. Oh, you just natural 20-ed her, right? LIAM: Yes. SAM: Okay. LIAM: So hold on 10 and 10 is 20 plus 10 is 30. MATT: And because you are now conscious and you are next to her, you are an ally adjacent so he does get sneak attack on a crit. LIAM: That's right, that's why I did it in that order, 31. MARISHA: But I just took my turn. So my reactions recharge, correct? MATT: Correct. LIAM: That's a total of 53 points of damage. MARISHA: 53? Deflect Missiles. LIAM: I take 10 because it was a 20 on the life stealing dagger. MATT: Correct. LIAM: It's the second crit on that dagger that didn't do shit the entire campaign. MARISHA: I negate 30 of it, I rolled a 10 plus 20. So I negate 30 damage. SAM: That's impressive. MARISHA: Yes, it is. Monks are the best, y'all. MATT: Wait, it negates a d10 plus which one? MARISHA: Plus 20. MATT: Damn. That's nuts. MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: So that was an action, bonus action, I flew 35 feet down, so I fly 25 feet straight up. MATT: All right. LIAM: (whooshing) MATT: All right, (quick impacts) up into the sky. All right, that finishes Vax's go. Fjord, T-Rex turn. SAM: Goddamn it, I can't stay up. MARISHA: So wait, what did you do total? LIAM: It was 50 something. 52, I think I said? MARISHA: 52. ASHLEY: You said 53. LIAM: 53. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: So I have 50 feet of movement. MATT: You do. TRAVIS: I have to figure this out as it goes. MATT: At 25 feet up, Vax would be in your melee range. TRAVIS: Sure, he would. He would. MATT: You could eat a bird, if you wanted to. TRAVIS: I could. So let's come forward 25 feet, and how far does that take me on this thing? LIAM: Oh, he got me! MATT: Right about where Vax is. TRAVIS: That's 25 feet. So I can make it to Scanlan and Pike, right? MATT: You could, yeah. Your call. TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm going to-- You have 10 hit points. ASHLEY: I should've used something else. TRAVIS: I'm going to make a tail attack against-- ASHLEY: Like, done a touch spell. TRAVIS: -- tail attack against Scanlan. SAM: Oof. MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: That's a 25 to hit. SAM: Sure. MATT: That hits. SAM: Down again. I can't do shit if I keep getting knocked out! TRAVIS: So that's 27 points of bludgeoning damage. SAM: Yeah, I'm down again. MATT: Scanlan is down again. TRAVIS: Okay. LIAM: It's not going our way. TRAVIS: I should just step on you. MARISHA: Yeah, you should. TRAVIS: But Pike's there too, right? MARISHA: And she is stunned so she also has advantage. TRAVIS: She also has advantage? MARISHA, MATT: You have advantage against her. TRAVIS: I'm going to take a bite attack against Pike. MATT: Fuck, all right. TRAVIS: With advantage. MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: Not a crit. That is a 27 to hit. ASHLEY: That hits. MATT: Mm-hmm. TRAVIS: Okay. 11, 12, what the fuck? That's a three, 26. And a 12. 26 and a 12 is-- SAM: Damn. TRAVIS: 38 plus seven. SAM: That's a shit ton of damage. TRAVIS: 45. ASHLEY: 45 points of damage? MATT: 45 points of piercing damage. TRAVIS: And if you are a medium or smaller creature you are grappled. ASHLEY: Okay. TRAVIS: You are in my mouth. MATT: You are in his mouth. SAM: Damn! ASHLEY: I mean, guys, this is not looking good. SAM: It's not looking good. We got Percy. Percy's a healer, right? (laughs) Some of those bullets are, like, love bullets? TRAVIS: I pick up Pike in my mouth and I look over and see Percy on the roof and I'm like (confused whine) SAM: I was going to do such good things. MATT: I know. I know. SAM: Oh well. MATT: Some days you get hit by a T-Rex. All right. That finishes your go, Fjord? TRAVIS: Yes. MATT: Scanlan, I need you to make a death saving throw. SAM: One. MATT: One? Instantly fail two death saves. TRAVIS: Oh, one touch! One touch! All you have to do is touch him once. MARISHA: No, Scanlan! SAM: Yep. MATT: All right. SAM: That's it. TRAVIS: Oh! (laughs) Aw jeez! MATT: Jester, it's your turn. MARISHA: Oh no! SAM: That's it! LAURA: Oh no. LIAM: âª Oh no no no no no âª MARISHA: Oh, I feel bad now. LAURA: âª Oh no no no no âª SAM: It's okay. LAURA: Okay. ASHLEY: Oh no, no, no, no. TALIESIN: It's still going to be three on three for the moment. MARISHA: For the moment. For the moment. LAURA: Can I step out? I'm going to just try something. I don't know if it's going to work. MATT: All right. So you step out, back looking into the space around you. There is a T-Rex with a gnome in its mouth. LAURA: I look up at the flying guy, and I'm going to cast a Dominate Person on him, which is a wisdom saving throw. MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw. LIAM: Last luck. You got me. (gasping) SAM: Wait, you've got an inspiration. LIAM: Oh. How much is that? SAM: 12, d12. LAURA: 1d12. MATT: Add a d12 to it. LIAM: 20. LAURA: (sighs) ALL: Whoa! MATT: From beyond the pale! (laughs) MARISHA: Inspired by the dead guy. LIAM: Luck is gone, y'all. Luck is gone. LAURA: Okay. Okay. TRAVIS: That inspiration sticks, right? I'm not a rules lawyer. I don't remember. It sticks, even if you're unconscious. MATT: Yeah, inspiration, it stays for 10 minutes or until used. MARISHA: It stays for 10? Okay. LAURA: Shit. MATT: All righty. LAURA: Okay. I can't do two spells in one turn. MATT: You still have 25 feet of movement, if you want to. TRAVIS: Did your inspiration stuff get bigger as you leveled up in the campaign? Ugh. Amazing. It used to be a six, right? MATT: It starts at a six. Bards, man. LAURA: No, I'm going to stay. I'm going to back up into this. I'm camping. MATT: Okay. LIAM: You don't need Otiluke's Sphere. You just need a hut. MATT: Yeah. You're that person in Call of Duty who just stays in the back with a sniper rifle. LAURA: Right now, yeah. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: That witch is going to show up. LIAM: Last woman standing. MATT: Finishing Jester's go. Pike, you are stunned. ASHLEY: I am stunned. MATT: And in a T-Rex's mouth. ASHLEY: Okay. MARISHA: Okay. (laughs) MATT: All righty. Top of the round again. Percy, it's your go. TALIESIN: I can reload as an attack, correct? MATT: You can, yes. LIAM: Oh, this is nasty. ASHLEY: This is nasty. TALIESIN: Well, I see what's going on down there and I'm going to-- SAM: Come! Heal me! TALIESIN: There's really nothing I can do about that. SAM: Oh, you're so pompous! LIAM: You can take out Beau, maybe. TALIESIN: I can maybe take out Beau. MATT: Or the T-Rex which is a concentration spell. TALIESIN: Hmm? MATT: Polymorph is a concentration spell. TALIESIN: That's fair. TRAVIS: You got to fucking remind him? You know how smart he is? He's been playing this for 2000 years, Matt. MATT: I'm reminding all kinds of people about shit tonight. TALIESIN: Let's see what we can do. I didn't see him turn into the T-Rex, though, did I? MATT: No. You just saw a T-Rex run over and eat Pike. TRAVIS: To be fair. I held them up, I held her up to you like a toy. MATT: That's true, so up to you. TALIESIN: Oh, so I see that. Okay. TRAVIS: I could be a friendly T-Rex. TALIESIN: That's fair. TRAVIS: (considering noise) TALIESIN: Oh, let's try something crazy, then. MATT: I like crazy. What're you doing? TALIESIN: I'm pulling out Bad News. MATT: Okay. SAM: Putting a health potion in it and shooting it into my leg? (laughter) TALIESIN: Oh, I forgot the health potion. so unfortunately-- MATT: The good news is it just healed you for a d4. The bad news is your head's gone. (laughter) TRAVIS: (gurgling) Ooh. We'll work that. MARISHA: Little R&D. MATT: That's incredible. (laughs) TALIESIN: First shot is-- MATT: Against who is this? TALIESIN: The T-Rex. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: And I'm burning a point to get it to drop Pike. MATT: Oh, okay. TRAVIS: Yeah. TALIESIN: So that's a 22 to hit. TRAVIS: Yes. I believe that hits. Yes, it does. TALIESIN: And I have to find what I use for damage here. That's that. And I'm doing--- So that's a-- MATT: I believe Bad News is 2d12 plus-- TALIESIN: 2d12, I'm just checking what the trick shot is. Okay, I have to mark one of those. It's everywhere, isn't it? There we are. So that's-- Eh. Six, 12. 14 points of piercing damage. TRAVIS: Okay. TALIESIN: And... where is it? Oh, right, disarming shot. So it's a strength saving throw. LAURA: Can I say I use my bonus action to bring my duplicate up further? Because I didn't take my bonus action. MATT: Sure. Yeah, I'll allow it. TRAVIS: I just make a strength saving throw? TALIESIN: Yep. TRAVIS: How do you make a saving throw as a T-Rex? MATT: You just roll a d20, add the strength modifier. TRAVIS: Oh, great. 17 plus seven for a 24. TALIESIN: Fuck! MARISHA: I looked up and I just saw you being like-- MATT: Make a constitution saving throw as well. Roll a d20, add your constitution modifier. SAM: You can just do it every time? MARISHA: As long as I spend a ki point. I've been burning through some ki points. TRAVIS: That is a 17. MATT: 17. You maintain your spell. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: Did you drop Pike? MATT: Nope. TRAVIS: I think I'm holding her. Yep. TALIESIN: Shit. All right, I reload. I'm going to take a shot at Beau. I'm taking the five point penalty. MATT: Okay. LAURA: So he can do 10 more damage. Or plus ten to hit. TALIESIN: Ugh, that didn't hit, did it? That's 14 to hit, that missed. MARISHA: Big miss. Just full-on Keanu Reeves bullet dodge. TALIESIN: That's my three attacks, isn't it? MATT: It is. TALIESIN: What do I do with my bonus action? I'm trying to remember. I didn't do anything with my bonus action, did I? MATT: Nope. TALIESIN: Is it one more attack with the bonus action, or is it just something else? MATT: Not with Bad News, no. TALIESIN: Well, I missed, but I'm Hexing you for god's sakes. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: It wouldn't have mattered this time anyway. MATT: You, Beauregard, are hexed. MARISHA: Okay. TALIESIN: I'm going to move as far up the tower as I can, just to the peak of it. SAM: What about a little medicine check on me? A little stabilization medicine check? TALIESIN: Eh, not really my bag. LIAM: Percy, you're tapped? TALIESIN: For this round. I can't do anything else with it. What else can I do with a bonus action? Just checking. LIAM: We'll never get back to Pike. SAM: No mercy. No mercy! MATT: Percy's up on the roof there. TALIESIN: No. I've done what I can do. SAM: She went easy on you. ASHLEY: I did go easy on you and I shouldn't have. SAM: She fucking went easy on you. ASHLEY: I shouldn't have done it! MATT: Never go easy. ASHLEY: I know! MATT: It comes back to bite you. ASHLEY: I know! TALIESIN: There's a time and place. ASHLEY: There's a time and place. MATT: I said no mercy at the top! All righty. So that finishes Percy's turn. Beauregard, you're up. SAM: At least do it in with some flair MARISHA: Okay. Flair. How would Scanlan like to die? SAM: I mean, gloriously. Probably on fire. MARISHA: I can't do that. SAM: As I'm lying there, by the way, you see a letter, to his daughter fall-- (laughter) -- out of his pocket. You briefly read it. TRAVIS: "You briefly read it." SAM: It says-- TRAVIS: Four of your six seconds. SAM: "I know I was a bad father figure to you, but I hope I've made amends. And I hope that all daughters who have felt that same shame and pain find only joy in their life because there's nothing more precious than a daughter who needs more love." MARISHA: I pick up the letter. And I go: Cool. I needed something to blot this wound. And then I just reach in and I grab his throat because I know that that's the source of his power, and what he's been utilizing, and Cutting Words us. And I just grab his esophagus and get a little-- MATT: Larynx area there? MARISHA: -- a grasp around it and just crunch and rip. TALIESIN: Wow. MARISHA: And rip his throat out. MATT: There would be a painful yell if sound could come out. And a few moments of spasming before Scanlan lies still on the ground. SAM: That changes a lot of campaign one. (laughter) MATT: Shit! MARISHA: Is that my one attack? Or would that-- MATT: That would be your one attack. MARISHA: My one attack. SAM: Um, you used an action to read the letter, so... MATT: You did, actually. No, up to you. Your call. SAM: No, no. MARISHA: I just, you know, wipe my face of the blood with the letter, and then I'm going to-- Can I-- LIAM: Run up a T-Rex? MARISHA: A hundred percent do exactly that. TRAVIS: Oh my god. MARISHA: I'm going to, as the T-Rex tail swoops down, I'm going to Legolas swoop and grab it, spin around and start running up the back of the T-Rex. MATT: Roll an acrobatics check. MARISHA: Okay. Don't fuck me, Gil! 19 total. MATT: That'll be enough to get up. So you're on its back. MARISHA: Okay. Can I run up to its mouth? MATT: You can. Where Pike is, you mean? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Exactly where Pike is. MATT: Okay. So you are currently-- let me get this right here, MARISHA: On top. MATT: Grappled, stunned, and in a T-Rex's mouth. There. Sure. (laughter) No, no, that's not-- TALIESIN: I appreciate the thought. MATT: I'm trying. I'm trying and failing, folks. TRAVIS: This is nothing but winning, Matt. LAURA: Sure. TALIESIN: This shit's turned so hard a couple times. MARISHA: Yeah, I thought we were going to lose. TRAVIS: Look at this picture, you guys. MARISHA: We could still very much lose. MATT: I want the visual memory of this insanity. There we go. LAURA: Yes! TALIESIN: There we are. ASHLEY: My god. MATT: All right. Because-- are you trying to hit Pike? Pike is inside the T-Rex's mouth, so you can do this, but your attacks are not at advantage, even though she's stunned. MARISHA: Even though she's stunned, okay, so just regular attacks. MATT: It would be disadvantage, but she's stunned, so it's just regular rolls. MARISHA: Okay. Yeah, I'm riding a T-Rex, I'm floating on Fjord's head, and I see Pike's struggling head, and I'm just going to take out my bo staff and-- ASHLEY: He just proposed to me! (laughter) MARISHA: And I go: Yeah, and he had a daughter too. Ah! And I'm going to come down. Not that one, not that one. Ooh! Natural one! MATT: That's an absolute miss. MARISHA: Okay, so that was my second attack. MATT: For an attack-- SAM: Yeah, just miss. MATT: You are on a T-Rex. MARISHA: Uh-huh. MATT: Roll a dexterity saving throw for me. MARISHA: Sure. Mm. I'm going to keep it. 13. I rolled very low, I rolled a three. MATT: 13. TRAVIS: Decent fall. MATT: And it is a decent fall-- MARISHA: That's okay. MATT: -- for anybody who's not a monk. MARISHA: Right. MATT: So you do slip off the T-Rex, and catch yourself on the ground, without major issue. You still have 25, 30 feet of movement. MARISHA: I do. Percy is behind me too, right? Where's Percy? LAURA: Percy's up in the air. MATT: He's up on top of the roof up there. TRAVIS: How high up on the roof is he, ish? MATT: He's, total, about 35 feet. MARISHA: So Vax is in the air, Percy's in the air, the gem is on top of the tower. MATT: Correct. MARISHA: So I'm going to start moving. I sound like Ashley. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to move towards the entrance way of the tower, MATT: Okay. MARISHA: With whatever movement I can. MATT: So you have 25 more feet of movement, right? So you're about there. MARISHA: Great. And then I will take my bonus action to Patient Defense. MATT: You got it, Patient Defense is up. Finishing Beau's go. Vax, your turn. MARISHA: Running low on ki points. LIAM: Man. So Beauregard just ran towards the tower, yeah? Tell you what I'm going to do: I'm going to rocket towards the top of the tower. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Switch it back to Molly? TALIESIN: Really, it's only fair at this point. MATT: You're on the tower, 35 feet. LIAM: I'm going to use an action to scoop up the crystal in my jacket, not touching it. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Shove it in the side. MATT: All right. LIAM: And keep moving out of their line of sight, over the side of the tower. MATT: Okay. LIAM: That's all they need to know. MATT: All right. You got it. LIAM: Wait, hold on, so-- And to grab it was an action, right? MATT: Yeah. LIAM: Yeah. And that was only like probably 20 feet from where I was, or 30 feet? What would you say? MATT: It was 35 to get there. LIAM: Yeah. MATT: So you'd have 25 feet left. Which would put you right around in this space. LIAM: Okay. MATT: Are you attempting to hide? LIAM: I'm going to tell you what I'm doing. Because I'm out of everyone's line of sight. SAM: I'm gonna tell you what I'm gonna fucking do. LIAM: I would have gone in the direction that would be out of everyone's line of sight. MATT: Yep, so you are out of everyone's line of sight. You got it. Okay, finishing Vax's turn, Fjord, you're up. TRAVIS: I've got a little gnome in my mouth. MATT: You do. ASHLEY: I'm so tough! I'm tough meat! MATT: That's true. TRAVIS: Because she's grappled in my mouth, Does that mean I get advantage on another bite attack? MATT: Grappled does not give you advantage. Restrained does. TRAVIS: Fair enough. MATT: It just means that she can't move away. TRAVIS: I will make another bite attack against Pike in my mouth. MATT: You cannot make a tail attack against her, but you can make a bite attack. TRAVIS: Yeah. TALIESIN: She's stunned. MATT: Correct. So you have advantage against her. TRAVIS: Oh, cool. MATT: That's right. No, she's not stunned any more. MARISHA: It's to the end of my next turn, so she's not stunned. MATT: You are no longer stunned. So it's just a regular roll. TRAVIS: Regular roll. MARISHA: Not stunned, regular roll. TRAVIS: That is a 23 to hit. ASHLEY: That just hits. TRAVIS: Just hits? 4d12 plus-- ASHLEY: (sighs) MARISHA: Om nom nom. ASHLEY: Om nom nom. TRAVIS: Nine. Nine, 18. ASHLEY: It's been real, guys. TRAVIS: Three, 21. ASHLEY: Vax? TRAVIS: Two. 23 plus seven. MARISHA: Oh, but I love them. LIAM: âª Nearer, my God, to thee... âª TRAVIS: 30 points of crunch. MATT: 30 points of damage. ASHLEY: I'm out! TRAVIS: You're out? ASHLEY: I'm out. LIAM: That's it. ASHLEY: That's it. That's all she wrote. MATT: She's unconscious, but you're still inside a T-Rex's mouth. SAM: Doesn't bode well. LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: I will move and just waddle over this way and put my head right above this little lava floe, and just chill. TALIESIN: That's dark. TRAVIS: Just going to hang. MATT: Oh, fuck! (laughs) TRAVIS: Just in case somebody hits me or something. MATT: Okay. Okay. Finishing Fjord's go. MARISHA: This is when we get our most brutal. MATT: It would be Scanlan, but he's dead. Jester, you're up. SAM: Can my soul will be flying around? MATT: Sure, I'll allow it. What does Scanlan do on Scanlan's spiritual turn? SAM: On Scanlan's spiritual turn, Scanlan is going to take off his pants, and just shake it. Shake it, shake it! ASHLEY: Do I see, since I'm unconscious and in the--? MATT: No, but you may be able to see it here shortly. TALIESIN, SAM: Aww. MATT: That finishes Scanlan's turn. Jester, what are you doing? LAURA: Okay, I'm going to step out so I can see what's going on. Do I see Percy up on the tower? ASHLEY: Wait a minute! Wait a fucking minute. TRAVIS: Yes! You have Plate of the Dawn Martyr! ASHLEY: I sure fucking do. MARISHA: Oh, which makes you-- TRAVIS: And it's going to hurt me. ASHLEY: I mean, okay, so. "If you're knocked unconscious by an attack or spell, a blast of healing flame surrounds you. You immediately regain one hit point--" SAM: Nice. TRAVIS: Uh-huh. ASHLEY: "-- and are lifted to your feet." Well. "All enemy creatures within 10 feet suffer 2d6 fire damage." SAM: 2d6 fire damage? Cool. ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah. TRAVIS: I'll have to roll. TRAVIS, TALIESIN: It could work! SAM: Do you have another heal? Don't say it. ASHLEY: I can't, I mean-- SAM: On your next turn. MATT: It's not her turn. ASHLEY: Okay, that was double sixes. No, it wasn't. These are weird. Those are fives. Two fives. Ten points of damage. TRAVIS: Ten points. MATT: Make a constitution saving throw for me. TRAVIS: That is only a 10. MATT: 10 is what you needed to maintain concentration. TALIESIN: Very close. TRAVIS: Wow. MARISHA: Oh, for War Caster. LAURA: So she's still grappled. MARISHA: You have War Caster. TRAVIS: I do have War Caster, but this is Polymorph. SAM: So you'd have advantage. TRAVIS: Oh, I would? SAM: But you're fine. TRAVIS: Way more. Okay. MATT: I would say in a T-Rex form feats don't necessarily carry over? Just that you wouldn't able to use combat feats that you learned as a T-Rex. TALIESIN: That's fair. LAURA: So you moved him back because she did her War Caster thing? TRAVIS: I'll put her back above the floe. LAURA: She'll still be above the lava floe? MATT: I was making sure if anything else happened there. So still above the lava there. TRAVIS: Should I make a strength check to see if that blast knocks me out her out of my grapple? MATT: The blast does damage, it doesn't push you away. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: Unless you're offering it. LAURA: Can you use a bonus action to open your mouth? TRAVIS: But I'm still grappling her. ASHLEY: Yeah, do it! LAURA: I know, but if you let her go above the lava. MARISHA: It's like Pop Rocks. TRAVIS: Nah. LAURA: Don't go easy! SAM: Y'all's are going to win. ASHLEY: Y'all are fine! (laughter) TRAVIS: She's grappled. She can't do anything. LAURA: She can still heal. She can still cast a heal. TRAVIS: I didn't do it on the lava. MATT: So Jester, it is now your turn, back to where you were, you step out, make a perception check. SAM: At disadvantage because there's a ghost in front of you. (laughter) âª Lollipop, lollipop, ooh, lolly-lolly-lollipop! âª LAURA: 18. MATT: 18? You can glance over and looking around, you can see up at the top of the roof, standing right where the peak where you said you were, you see Percy up there with his large weapon at the ready. LAURA: Do I see Pike in the mouth? MATT: You do not. You just see the T-Rex (stomping) away from you. LAURA: Okay. And I don't see Vax or whatever their names are. MATT: You do not see Vax. LAURA: Okay. Then my only option is to aim for this gun guy. So that's what I'm going to do. And I'm going to cast... Harm! SAM: Nice. MATT: What's the range on that? LAURA: 60 feet. MARISHA: Harm! Hearts, flowers, hearts, glitter! LAURA: Harm, that's a constitution saving throw. TALIESIN: That's a 20. LAURA: Ugh, he succeeds. MATT: What's it do on a success? LAURA: "If the target fails--" No. LIAM: Makes you feel good. TRAVIS: You're going to be married to an alternate personality of hers. Maybe fail, and it'll go along for you! LAURA: Half as much damage on a successful save. so 14d6 necrotic damage halved. ASHLEY: Damn! LAURA: Two, four, six, eight, 10, 12-- SAM: She's bad. LAURA: 14. TALIESIN: Harm is quite a-- MARISHA: Harm is gnarly. LAURA: Okay. SAM: In London, it's pronounced "arm." TRAVIS: I like the lineup. LAURA: I know, me too. 10-- SAM: 'Arm. LAURA: 20, 30, 40, 49, 52, 54 points of necrotic damage, halved. TALIESIN: So that's 22 points points of damage? MATT: 27. TRAVIS: 27. TALIESIN: 27 points of damage. Thank you. Ow. MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: That hurt. LAURA: Oh, I just realized I could have done something else. That's okay. I'm going to use my bonus action to move my duplicate up to the edge of the T-Rex if I can get to him. MATT: Mm-hmm. Right there? LAURA: My duplicate's going to go stand out on the middle of the lava, and just hold her arms up to Pike and say: I'll catch you! (laughter) SAM: Demented. MATT: That's fucked up. I respect that. All right. LAURA: Then I'm going to step back into the hut. MATT: Okay. Yeah. Percy, you're well aware of the little gopher that keeps popping in and out. TALIESIN: That's a nice dig, that's fair. MATT: So finishing Jester's turn, that brings us to Pike. Pike, you are in the T-Rex's mouth, but you are conscious with one hit point. ASHLEY: Ooh, okay. SAM: Heal yourself! Get out of there! Burn his face off! ASHLEY: Okay. SAM: Heal yourself 70 points! ASHLEY: Oh god. SAM: Do something or anything! ASHLEY: Um, um, um, um, um. MARISHA: Oh my god. MATT: Divine Intervention could be a possibility, but-- ASHLEY: We can do that here? MATT: Yeah, it's an ability. Just that'll be your action. LIAM: It's a crapshoot. TALIESIN: It's a big-- LAURA: Ooh, it's a big crapshoot. ASHLEY: It's a crapshoot, man. LIAM: One in five. ASHLEY: I feel like it just-- I think that worked for me one time. LAURA: It was major, though. ASHLEY: It was awesome! MATT: Yeah, that was during the Vorugal fight. ASHLEY: Sure was. LAURA: It also worked in Search for Grog, didn't it? MATT: That's true. ASHLEY: I would have to roll-- MATT: 15 or lower on a 100 percent. LAURA: It was Search for Bob. LIAM: The odds are way against it, way against. TALIESIN: 15 out of 100. Actually it's even worse. TRAVIS: One in six. ASHLEY: What I'm going to do is-- MARISHA: What a do? ASHLEY: I mean, the thing is if I try to heal myself, he's going to chop again, and all that's going to go away! SAM: Can you stun him? Can you paralyze him? Can you polymorph? Can you go somewhere else? LIAM: If she does stun him, he's going to open his mouth. She's in a bad place. SAM: Oh no, that nice girl's going to catch her! LAURA: I've got you! Don't worry! MATT: This is really fucked. SAM: She seems really cute. MARISHA: I can't wait till Ronin starts playing competitive sports or competitive anything. And you're going to be the like, "This ref is bullshit!" You're going to be that mom. TRAVIS: I'll just be holding her by the back of her shirt. "Stop." MARISHA: Fucking ref! ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: All right, Pike. What you got? ASHLEY: I don't know if this is going to work, because I haven't done this before. But I'm going to try to cast Command. SAM: Yes. MATT: Okay. What are you commanding? SAM: Choose this carefully. ASHLEY: I was going to say "drop." SAM: Drop is probably bad. Drop's probably bad. TALIESIN: Not helping. That's not a good idea anyway. SAM: There's other words, though. TRAVIS: Heal! (laughs) SAM: There's stop, there's-- TRAVIS: Toss. ASHLEY: How to word this? SAM: There's protecc. TALIESIN: No, no! SAM: With two c's. TALIESIN: No helping. (laughter) SAM: That's a one word thing. ASHLEY: Oh boy, you can only use one word! MATT: Yeah. Can I just be like, "Hey, over here"? Like tell him over-- Oh, fucking fuck. It is your action to cast Command, just so you know. LIAM: You could say charge. That has nothing to do with biting you. SAM: But then he'll bite you on his next turn. MATT: Right, and you have one hit point. TRAVIS: One word to describe what you-- ASHLEY: Who's around? SAM: He only does the command on his next turn. TRAVIS: I think? LAURA, SAM: Yeah. MATT: Correct, yeah. Not immediately. SAM: So no matter what you're doing, you're buying yourself one turn without getting bit. ASHLEY: Yeah. Okay. SAM: Could be to stop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. MATT: It could be go, it could be, you know. ASHLEY: Um, um, um. Yeah, can I say protect? Me? Does that work? Protect? MATT: Two words. ASHLEY: Protect. MATT: Okay. Make a-- is it a wisdom saving throw? ASHLEY: It's a wisdom saving throw. MATT: Using the T-Rex's wisdom. TRAVIS: Okay. 14. MATT, LIAM: Fail. ASHLEY: Is it against mine? MATT: Against your DC. That's a fail. So you are now-- the crushing stops, and the T-Rex is just holding you there. ASHLEY: I should have said move. Goddamn it. (laughter) TRAVIS: But hey, maybe if somebody tries to come up and hit you out of my mouth, I'll protect. MATT: Well, when it gets, when it gets to his turn we'll see how he interprets protecting. That's up to him. And me. Kind of in between. LIAM: If he was smart enough to angle you over burning lava-- MATT: This'll be a conversation. LIAM: -- then his brain would be smart enough to understand that lava that he was going to drop you into is the opposite of protect. MATT: Hey, we'll get there. SAM: Maybe. MATT: We'll get there. We'll see what happens. We'll find out. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: Finishing, so Pike, that's your action. SAM: Can we get an ancient zoologist on the phone? (laughter) Can we do a phone a friend? MATT: All right. ASHLEY: Yeah, That's my action. TRAVIS: Dr. Grant? ASHLEY: That's my action, because I can't heal myself with a bonus. Okay, that's what I got! MATT: Percy, you're up. SAM: Don't have a bonus? ASHLEY: I can't, because I used that spell. TALIESIN: That changes what I wanted to do. Can I see Beau? MATT: Oh yeah, you have a clear line of sight to Beau. TALIESIN: All right. MARISHA: Disadvantage on all these attacks. TALIESIN: Why? MARISHA: Because I have Patient Defense up. TALIESIN: Does Sharpshooter get around Patient Defense, or no? MATT: Sharpshooter? No. LIAM: You don't get disadvantage on long range. MATT: Correct, this isn't cover, this is her actively defending against your strikes. LIAM: Monk shit. TALIESIN: Mm. MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: All right. I'm going to use my bonus action for Second Wind. MARISHA: Oh, you bitch. LIAM: Great. Great move. SAM: Great move. LIAM: With what you had. TALIESIN: That's nice, that's 25 hit points back I heal. MARISHA: 45 hit points back? TALIESIN: So I heal, that's the end of that. And I'm going to just take one attack to reload Bad News. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: One shot. MATT: At who? TALIESIN: Beau. MATT: All right, so roll with disadvantage. TALIESIN: Roll with disadvantage. SAM: Goddamn it. Monks! TALIESIN: (laughs) Well, that's going to hit. I rolled two 17s. So that's 30 to hit. MARISHA: That hits! TALIESIN: And that's-- Ooh, where's my damage? There's my damage. LAURA: How much do you think he can do on an action surge? TALIESIN: Where's the other one? There's the other one. MATT: At this level? TALIESIN: Oh, and you're hexed, aren't you? MARISHA: I am. TALIESIN: So that adds a d6 of necrotic. Isn't that nice? MARISHA: I used my reaction, right, Matt? Or have I used my reaction since I Patient Defensed? MATT: You have not used your reaction since you-- MARISHA: Patient defensed. MATT: Yes. MARISHA: All right. TALIESIN: (blowing raspberry) That's terrible. 11 points of piercing damage and six points of necrotic. MARISHA: Uh... Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to use my reaction to deflect missiles. MATT: All righty, go for it. MARISHA: That's cocked. One more time, one more time! Okay, okay. Yeah, I negate all damage. TALIESIN: I like you. TRAVIS: (laughs) TALIESIN: I reload my gun. And then knowing where you are, I'm just going to walk around to the other side of the tower so that I can't be hit by Jester. MATT: You've got it. You shift your placement. TALIESIN: Yeah, other side of the roof. MATT: You got it, taking cover. Okay. Finishing your go, Percy. Beau, you're up. MARISHA: Ah! Oh, right, I'm here! Where am I? MATT: You are right behind the T-Rex. MARISHA: I'm right behind the T-Rex. MATT: You're in shitting range of it. MARISHA: Can I get-- Oh, I see, I am in shitting range. Great. Great, great, great. Okay. And the last time we saw the gem, it was on the top of the tower, correct? MATT: Correct. MARISHA: The big one? MATT: Yep. LAURA: We didn't see Vax fly up there? MATT: Nope. MARISHA: I want to, like-- MATT: You saw him fly off in that direction, yeah. MARISHA: I want to run along this way, and going towards that, MATT: Like-- oh god! MARISHA: Ah! ASHLEY: It's done! MARISHA: Yeah. Like along that ridge. MATT: That ridge there? MARISHA: Uh-huh. And then where that chain is dangling down, and then I want to wall climb up, my movement. MATT: Okay. So 50 feet, you said? MARISHA: 55. MATT: 55 will get you onto the tower. MARISHA: Great. What do I see? MATT: You run, grab the chain, run up the side of the wall, Leap, land, and look. Gem's gone. MARISHA: Gem is gone. MATT: Gem is gone. MARISHA: Right, because-- but I don't know that. Okay. Do I see anything else? Do I see feather boy? MATT: No. MARISHA: I don't see anybody? MATT: No. MARISHA: Goddamn it. Yeah, he really got me this time. Okay. That was my 55 feet of movement? MATT: Yep. MARISHA: I-- oof, lame. That's all I can do. I'm going to Patient Defense again. MATT: Okay, Patient Defense, boom. You got it. LAURA: Is that an action or a bonus action? MATT: Well, it was a bonus action and you spend a ki point to keep going? MARISHA: Yep. MATT: Okay, that finishes Beau's go. LAURA: Did you use your action at all? MARISHA: I didn't use my action, but there's not-- is there anything else-- MATT: Well, you can take the Dodge action as an action. MARISHA: Oh, that's right. I will take the Dodge action and I-- Yeah, I don't-- using my perception, I don't see anybody up there? I don't see any feathered guy? MATT: No. MARISHA: Then I'll use my Dodge action. TRAVIS: Smart. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Okay, that's it. MATT: Okay, finishing your turn, it is now Vax's go. LIAM: Okay, I'm going to use bonus action to hide where I am. MATT: Okay, roll a stealth check. LIAM: Natural 20. MATT: He has stealthed into the Mighty Nein's campaign. LIAM: I'm gone. MATT: It's impressive. (laughter) All right, and you do what you do? LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: Just flies above us taunting us for the rest of the campaign. MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs) LIAM: I'm going to-- I have to-- we're right down to the wire here. I have to tell you privately what I'm doing. MATT: Okay, let me know. Finishing your turn, Fjord, you're up. On your turn, protect. Go ahead and roll an intelligence check for me. TRAVIS: (laughs) As a T-Rex? MATT: Yep. TRAVIS: Awesome. Minus four. (laughs) (laughter) MARISHA: Oh my god! ASHLEY: He could be like-- Yeah. This was just-- TRAVIS: Ten. MATT: You got to protect. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: This lava looks dangerous. TRAVIS: It does. We should probably move away from this lava. MATT: Yeah, I think so. Where do you want to go? TRAVIS: We should probably go, and I feel like-- LAURA: My duplicate's saying: Just toss her down to me. It's okay. TRAVIS: She's being pretty nice, but I really want to make sure that she's okay. So I'm going to go all 50 feet and put her over here. SAM: That's a good boy. MATT: Okay, and you set her down or keep her in your mouth? You tell me. You're the T-Rex. TRAVIS: Well yeah, I'll put her down and I'll turn my back to her, like-- (thudding footsteps) MATT: Okay, okay. LAURA: That's really cute. MATT: You are no longer grappled, Pike. SAM: It's Sun Girl and Devil Dinosaur. TALIESIN: Ha! ASHLEY: That might've been a bad idea because with my one hit point I'm going to make a come back. (laughter) MARISHA: You never know. MATT: That's great. LIAM: All right, I can say out loud what I was going to do, which was to hold an action. I hid, natural 20, was going to creep up behind the cage that is middle of the battlefield. MATT: Now which, by the way, just so you know-- as you step behind there-- LIAM: I'm flying. I'm not stepping on nothing. MATT: Sorry, yes. LIAM: I'm hovering low. MATT: Right. LIAM: And I'm behind-- I'm on the edge of that round cage that's there. MATT: Got it. LIAM: And I was going to throw a dagger at the dinosaur if I saw that Pike was safe. MATT: Okay. LIAM: And he's engaged with her. So I should get sneak attack damage. SAM: But Matt, what where you about to say? MATT: No, no we're good. SAM: Well, we'll never know. MATT: So you would be appearing right there, right behind the side of the cage? LIAM: Mm-hmm. MATT: Yeah, he's within 60 feet. LIAM: Pop. That hits, rolled a natural 18. TRAVIS: Oh yeah. LIAM: Here, where's my character sheet. So-- SAM: Oh, it must be hot in that vest. LIAM: And that is a two. MATT: I can only imagine how warm in that outfit is right now. LIAM: Two plus six is eight-- MARISHA: But he looks fabulous. MATT: He does. SAM: I want to be buried in this, guys. Same four dollar clown makeup. (laughter) That I bought at a kids' store. TRAVIS: You got a lot of makeup out of that four bucks. LIAM: That's 38 points of damage. MATT: 38 points of damage to you. Go ahead and make a constitution saving throw. TRAVIS: Constitution saving throw. That is a 16. MATT: And what would you-- what was the total damage? LIAM: 38. MATT: 38. That does not succeed. You drop your Polymorph form. And with that, Fjord, normal Fjord is back on the menu, boys. TRAVIS: Back on the menu, boys. LIAM: Now Jester's in the hut, Beau's up top doing this. So-- and I rolled a natural 20 so I'm hoping I'm still somewhat low-key anyway. LAURA: You hid and then you attacked. MATT: When you attack, you reveal yourself. LIAM: Okay. MATT: So I mean, line of sight is really what it comes down to, but people are aware of your presence. If they are in line of sight. Fjord definitely knows you're there, 'cause you hit him. TRAVIS: Where is he, where is he? MATT: Right there. MARISHA: He's by this cage. TRAVIS: Oh, that's right. LIAM: Hit you in the ass. MATT: This should be-- should be there and there. But Fjord, it's your turn. TRAVIS: Oh, it is my turn! MATT: Indeed! You went and protected that little Pike and then you're not a T-Rex anymore, and you took a dagger and you're feeling kind of rough. TRAVIS: Do I still have the protect or the Command on me in this-- LAURA: No, you took damage MARISHA: And you did it. LAURA: Once you take damage-- MATT: Oh, I did the turn out of order. That's on me. LAURA: Oh, because he was holding his action, that's why MATT: No-- that's true. Yeah, so no, so you're-- this is your turn. That's right because that was not your turn. LIAM: I was waiting for him to put her somewhere safe. MATT: So as soon as she was safe, he attacked. Never mind. You weren't in your turn. Thank you. TRAVIS: So no-- no protect, or no, that's it? MATT: You did it. Sorry, I got confused in the midst of that battle. Jester, you're up. LAURA: I can't see anything from where I am, so I'm going to run out of the hut. MATT: Okay, it's 10 feet there. You see-- LAURA: What can I see, anything? MATT: From where you are right here, you can see the T-Rex is gone. You see your duplicate there. You see Fjord across the way. LAURA: Can I see Pike? MATT: If you keep moving, if you want to. You can try. LAURA: I'll take a couple of steps forward. MATT: Now you see Pike on the way over there, yeah. SAM: (gruff voice) Hi, what's your name? MATT: And you see a-- SAM: (gruffly) Want to hear a song? (gruff laugh) LAURA: You're not wearing any pants. MATT: Spectral buns. Roll a wisdom saving throw. TRAVIS: I like you. LAURA: I'm going to-- oh god. MATT: What are you doing? LAURA: I'm going to-- I'm going to Pike this, and I'm going to cast Guiding Bolt-- MATT: Right up her butt? ASHLEY: Right up the butt. LAURA: âª Right up the butt! âª MATT: All right, go ahead and roll an attack. One hit point left, you get set down, transforms, and out of the corner of your eye, you see-- (whistling) SAM: Oh boy, that's not good. LAURA: 17. MATT: 17. You put your shield up just in time. It arcs across the metal and splatters, no effect. SAM: No effect. LIAM: Whoa, ping. ASHLEY: Not even-- it's not even an halved? MATT: No, Guiding Bolt is-- you roll to hit and if you don't hit, it's gone. It's all or nothing. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Oh man. LAURA: So I'm going to-- SAM: This is a roller coaster. MATT: No joke. LIAM: I mean, I feel like Vox Machs is going lose, but-- LAURA: No, I feel like they're coming back. I feel like they're coming back. Can I run-- How much more movement do I have? MATT: From there, you have 15 more feet, so three more squares. LAURA: Can I run to the other side of the wall? MATT: Over here, you mean? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Yeah. There? You got it. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Sorry you missed. MATT: All right, finishing Jester's turn. Pike, you're up. LIAM: Oh boy. ASHLEY: I just-- I have a question. MATT: Yes, what's your question? MARISHA: Oh my god. ASHLEY: I mean, because of the-- because of what we're doing here, things like Revivify or things like that are probably not going to-- MATT: They're viable. It's assumed you all have components for your spells. SAM: I've already checked out, mentally. (laughter) TRAVIS: I'd have been drinking real hard. SAM: I'm done performing. ASHLEY: Okay, well, in that case-- SAM: No, please, please. I've got shit I wanted to do. ASHLEY: I don't think I can get to you on this turn, though. SAM: Don't you have super fast movement? ASHLEY: That gets me 50 feet. LIAM: You got a bomb you could drop on Fjordy? SAM: Got it. I don't know. Like I said, I checked out, so. ASHLEY: Okay. SAM: Like cure yourself, but maybe move towards me? LIAM: Bomb Fjordy and get to a safer position? ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so I'm going to-- LAURA: You really protected her. Good job. (laughter) MATT: That was the spell. TRAVIS: It was. MATT: It wasn't of his own volition. That was a T-Rex mind. TRAVIS: I also walked her 40-- more than 50 feet away from Scanlan. MATT: Yeah. LIAM: The three of us debated who was the most dangerous in their group and we decided it was Jester, but we were wrong. It's really Laura. TRAVIS: Yeah, it was the fourth. (laughter) MATT: That is absolute truth. Absolute truth. ASHLEY: Okay, okay this is what I'm doing. This is what I'm doing. I'm going to-- I'm going to do this. MARISHA: The pigtails are a ruse. ASHLEY: Okay, I-- LIAM: I'm here to win, biatch. ASHLEY: Since Fjord is in front of me, I'm going to-- LIAM: Don't feel bad about it. Kill that motherfucker! ASHLEY: Okay, Inflict Wounds at... what do I have left? LIAM: We still have a mostly okay Percy. I'm still mostly okay. LAURA: Bonus action to move over towards Fjord. My duplicate. I keep forgetting to say my bonus action. ASHLEY: Oh, I still have that left. LAURA: That's my only thing I can do with that bonus action. ASHLEY: Let me see what that would take us to. Okay, so that would do-- Okay, I'm going to do it at 5th-level. SAM: Don't you use that Revivify slot. MATT: Okay, Inflict Wounds. That's a melee touch attack. SAM: Kill him! ASHLEY: Okay, where did it go? MATT: So you move up. ASHLEY: There it is, okay. So I roll. MATT: At 5th-level? ASHLEY: At 5th-level. MATT: Ooh. LAURA: Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot of damage. ASHLEY: Okay, I'm going to roll for it. Let's go with this one. Oh my god. (laughs) It was a natural one. It's a natural one. SAM: You have to roll to hit? ASHLEY: Yeah, you have to. MATT: For the, for the thing. ASHLEY: That's a natural one. Okay, so. LIAM: That's it. TRAVIS: We've had some turns pulled. LAURA: Yeah, we've had-- there's a-- that's-- I just did nothing on mine, so. MATT: Well-- TRAVIS: You got bonus. MATT: -- the good news is you didn't take the radiant damage from striking him with a melee attack, which would've put you to zero. LAURA: (shocked noises) ASHLEY: Okay. I don't know what you're saying to me. My brain's-- LAURA: You would have died. TRAVIS: If you hit me, you would have-- MATT: You both would have-- ASHLEY: Oh, oh, oh. What a plus. (laughter) Okay, so then I'm going to-- TRAVIS: 57, you could've taken one more. ASHLEY: I'm going to-- I don't think I can do anything else. SAM: You can move. ASHLEY: Yeah, I'll move. SAM: Oh wait, is he going to get an attack? ASHLEY: He will. MATT: He will, if he hits. TRAVIS: It's true. You got a high AC. ASHLEY: Okay, I'm-- SAM: So she did cast her spell. It just didn't hit? MATT: Correct. ASHLEY: Yeah, so I can't do anything to-- all right. MATT: Are you going to move or are you staying put? ASHLEY: I've going to move, because I have a-- I'm going to chance it because I can't stay there. We got Jester on my tail. So I'm going to go, I'm going to just try to go behind this tower. MATT: Behind the tower? Fjord, you get an attack of opportunity. TRAVIS: Okay, I'm going to use War Caster and use the cantrip Booming Blade on the melee attack. MATT: Oh, that's smart. TRAVIS: That is a 10 plus 13 for 23. ASHLEY: That just hits. MARISHA: Oh my god. TRAVIS: So that is the regular weapon-- Yeah, it doesn't matter does it? ASHLEY: I'm out. MATT: She's down, again after all that. MARISHA: What does Booming Blade do? LIAM: What's the flavor for it? TRAVIS: It hits and then if you move again, it hits you as soon as you move. MATT: Yeah, so he was kind of locking her. ASHLEY: I mean, I'd be out now or later. MATT: Yeah, but-- ASHLEY: Now, it's good candy. MATT: You're unconscious, Pike, as you go to rush away, (boof). Consciousness goes dark, visions of a ass shaking ghost-- TRAVIS: I'm kind of confused, because I feel like I was supposed to protect. SAM: Welcome to the afterlife. It's just me forever! For eternity. MATT: Finishing Pike's go. Percy, you're up. TALIESIN: All right, I'm going to-- I'm going to roll around to the other side of-- MARISHA: Did you just bust out Ricky Martin?! ASHLEY: It's kind of nice! SAM: Yes! TALIESIN: -- to the complete other side of the tower to try and get a look at things. MATT: You see Jester there, who is mostly untouched. You have another Jester way over there and you have a fairly hurt Fjord and an unconscious Pike right next to him. TALIESIN: So I'm going to take out Bad News and I'm going to take a shot at Fjord. MATT: Okay. SAM: Do it. Do it, Rockapella. TALIESIN: Let's see what this does. For fuck's sake. (laughter) TRAVIS: No. TALIESIN: (gun misfiring) MARISHA: Did you do the thing? Oh no! TALIESIN: Burn a bonus action to fix it. LIAM: He rolled so much better as Molly. TALIESIN: I know, it's so sad. MARISHA: You should just come be Molly again. TRAVIS: Fight against it, Percy. (whispering) Be the Nein. TALIESIN: Have to burn that to make that happen and roll, what is it, a dex? MATT: It's your dexterity plus your proficiency modifier. TALIESIN: Dexterity plus-- MATT: So it should be 11, plus 11. TALIESIN: 18. MATT: Yeah, you're fine. So you quick repair it, unclog it, get it ready for your second attack. TALIESIN: All right, second attack. (blows raspberry) That's a 18 to hit. MATT: Does that hit? TRAVIS: Hits. TALIESIN: All right. TRAVIS: I have a low AC. Always have. MATT: Actually, you have a pretty good AC. It's just you have other people around you that have stupid ACs. TRAVIS: In comparison, yes, thank you. I do have a good AC! MATT: Just sayin'! TALIESIN: It's 20 to hit-- no, it's 20 points. MATT: 20 points of damage. TRAVIS: Gotcha. MATT: Okay, so that's your second attack. TALIESIN: That was my second attack, but I had to burn one of those attacks to-- MATT: Well, the repair is a bonus action, I thought. TALIESIN: The repair is a bonus-- oh! MATT: Oh, but you have to reload every shot. So yeah, you do. TALIESIN: So that's all I got. MATT: That's all you got. TALIESIN: I'm going to go take some cover again. MATT: All right, around the way. SAM: Boy, it sure is good to have Percy here. TALIESIN: It's 20 points of damage. What the fuck are you doing? SAM: Mollymauk can, you know-- TALIESIN: Get up, you lazy bastard. SAM: -- turn off teleports. (laughter) TRAVIS: Are you arguing with a ghost? (laughs) The pantsless ghost. MATT: Beau, it's your turn. LIAM: He's just in a bathrobe with everything hanging out. MARISHA: Did Feathered Fuck reveal his location when he moved? Did I see it with my-- MATT: Not to you. Where you're standing right now, you just see the top of the tower. MARISHA: I can't-- I didn't really know. I will move-- can I move to the edge of the tower and to the front and see what I see? MATT: About 20 feet there, you look off the side, and you can see the battlefield. You see Pike unconscious, you see Jester and Fjord over there, and you see down by the cage the winged individual that you've been chasing. SAM: âª Down by the cage! âª LIAM: I live in a cage, down by the lava. MARISHA: Yeah. Aw. (kiss) I'm going to-- fuck it. I'm not going to ask questions. I'm just going to do it. I see Feathered Fuck, and I'm like, this guy's really annoying. And I'm going to rear back and run and I'm going to do Step of the Wind. My jump distance is doubled and I'm going to take my staff and I'm going to swirl it overhead as I go and I'm just flying coming down with a giant slap on top of his ass. LIAM: Disadvantage. MATT: You will take fall damage. MARISHA: Fine. TALIESIN: Will you? MARISHA: Probably not. MATT: We're going to find out here-- that is. LIAM: She's doing the Crouching Tiger just-- MATT: That's actually a crazy roll. 20 points of bludgeoning damage. SAM: Damn. MARISHA: Negated. MATT: Never mind, never mind. ASHLEY: You can do that every turn? MARISHA: It just that's a thing. It's just a thing. It's five times my monk level and I just negate that level of fall damage. TRAVIS: It's like barbarians, like all slashing, piercing, it's all halved. MARISHA: Just goes away. MATT: Campaign Three No Monks 2021. SAM: All monks. MARISHA: So these are at disadvantage? TRAVIS: Path of the Totem Warrior, anything but psychic is down. MATT: Why is everything immune to stun? This is weird. LIAM: You've got a good chance. You'll get me. This is the one. MARISHA: (scream of effort) Just screaming as I come down disadvantage plus 12 to all these attacks. Oof, that is four so that doesn't hit. That's 16. MATT: You land, he sidesteps the staff. Whack! Hits the ground. Bits of rock and shale crack and fly off of the side. MARISHA: I slap my bo staff down to the ground and you see it like reverberate up and as I use that momentum as it pops up, I take it and I swing it around for a wide strike for the second hit. Oh, that's better. LIAM: Do it. MARISHA: That is a 24, 12 plus 12. MATT: That hits. LIAM: You got me. MARISHA: That hits. (gibberish) That is 13 damage, nope, no. Seven plus four is 11 damage. LIAM: Okay, Uncanny Dodge to half it. But you hit me. MARISHA: Which means you're no longer disadvantage for-- LIAM: That's right, 'til my next turn starts in a second. MARISHA: Which is next. Yeah, I am going to-- you know what, because I hit him, Stunning Strike. MATT: Roll a constitution saving throw. LIAM: Okay. MARISHA: Come on. LIAM: 18. MARISHA: He just saves. All right. Flurry-- it's a high save. Flurry of Blows. MATT: How many points do you have? MARISHA: I have, after-- that was my last one, or sorry, with that one I have two points left. MATT: Okay, I was going to say, they're getting pretty low. MARISHA: It's not-- yeah, it's not a lot. MATT: All right, so Flurry of Blows. MARISHA: It's not a lot. SAM: She's done a ki point every single round. MATT: These are not-- these are not at disadvantage. MARISHA: Oh, these are not at disadvantage. MATT: Right because his cloak, because you hit him, the cloak no longer-- So just take those two rolls is your next two. ASHLEY: Damn, I want to play a monk. MARISHA: Okay, so those two-- They're amazing, you should totally play them. They both hit, that is a 19 and a 12 for another 24 plus-- and then the 19 being a 31. LIAM: I don't know what you said, but you got me. MARISHA: They both hit is the point. SAM: Hi guys, how ya doing? ASHLEY: Hey. MARISHA: So you're down, you're down, you're a problem. There's you, though. LIAM: Did you hit me? Are you going to damage me? MARISHA: I hit you. I'm just trying to decide if I'm going to do another. TRAVIS: Work him. ASHLEY: Once I'm out, we're going to dance naked. MARISHA: Should I do it? ASHLEY: Around everybody. LAURA: Yeah, because he's got the-- Oh, you don't know that. SAM: Splash in the lava? MARISHA: Stunning Strike. Stunning Strike for this next one as well. Terrible damage, I rolled a one so eight damage. Stunning Strike. LIAM: You got me. MARISHA: He is stunned for this next one. He has advantage, I have advantage. LIAM: I'm stunned. Yeah, that's it. MARISHA: 29 to hit. I rolled a 17. LIAM: I was on my way to get you. MARISHA: And another 11 points of damage. MATT: Another 11 points of damage on you. LIAM: Okay. ASHLEY: I'm only unconscious, you guys, we can still win this fight. MATT: I believe in you, I believe in you. SAM: If somehow Percy-- TRAVIS: And you got a de Rolo on the roof. MATT: Exactly. ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah! TRAVIS: Sitting up there like Jason Bourne. LAURA: Still, but-- MARISHA: I know, I know. MATT: All righty, so-- MARISHA: Yeah, that's my turn. And I use-- I have one ki point left. MATT: Vax, you're stunned. LIAM: Yes. MATT: Fjord, you're up. TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll walk up next to Jester. Be like: Whenever you get a chance, a heal would be great. And I'll just point a hand back at Pike and pump two of my three Eldritch Blasts into her. MATT: All right, she is prone on the ground so you have disadvantaged on these strikes. TRAVIS: Ooh, interesting. LIAM: It'll still go okay for you, though. LAURA: But if they hit, it's an automatic? MATT: It's an automatic failed death save. TRAVIS: Disadvantage. That's a natural one. MATT: All right, so the first one misses. TRAVIS: I might need all three of them. LAURA: But you'd be at advantage if you used your sword. You're at disadvantage because you're using your hex. TRAVIS: Well, I already said Eldritch Blast. MATT: Already rolling. TRAVIS: That is not terrible. That's a 23 exactly. Lowest is a 13. ASHLEY: That works. MATT: So you fail a death save. ASHLEY: Fail a death save. TRAVIS: And a 19, so I miss. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: They impact, but the armor absorbs most of the blast and only one of the seems to get through and it scatters a few inches to one side from the impact. Still breathing. MARISHA: Pike is buff. SAM: We're going to win, guys. TRAVIS: Sorry, Laura, I forgot! LAURA: No, it's fine. (laughter) MATT: All right, that finishes Fjord's turn. TRAVIS: No. MARISHA: We'll get them at state. MATT: Okay, oh that's right you can still move and stuff. TRAVIS: (humming) Bonus action, I thought I had a thought, but I didn't anticipate missing out on those things. Yeah, I guess that's it. Okay. I don't remember what it was. MATT: Okay, that brings us to Jester's go. LAURA: I'm going to step out so I have line of sight. MATT: To them? LAURA: To Fjord. MATT: All right, you got it. LAURA: And I'm going to send my duplicate over to him and say: Don't worry about it, don't worry, that was amazing. She's, like, practically dead. Look, her eyes are bleeding. And I'm going to cast Cure Wounds at level... four. MATT: Go for it. Roll them dice. LIAM: In reversal, healing Pike! SAM: She's healing Pike? MATT: Who would've thought? LAURA: Where are my-- TALIESIN: You remember how to heal? MATT: I was going to say, if Jester became the heal in this, that would be, like, the most unexpected. LAURA: 15 points plus five, so 20 points of healing. TRAVIS: I'll take it. LAURA: Yeah, and then for my bonus action, I'm just going to move my duplicate over to stand right next to Pike. MATT: Over here, okay, you got it. Right next to Pike. LIAM: Good luck finding it. LAURA: And I'm going to use the rest of my movement-- MARISHA: Where'd you hide it, Vax? LAURA: -- to move into the-- LIAM: Up my dick. LAURA: No, to move around the wall. Can I-- MATT: Around here? SAM: Joke's on you: he's got three dicks. LAURA: Yes, sir. MATT: Okay, make an athletics check. LIAM: Dagger, dagger, dagger. MARISHA: Game show mechanics. LAURA: Am I jumping over something? Oh yeah, yeah, okay. MATT: If you're climbing over it, then it's an athletics check. LIAM: Action, action, bonus action. LAURA: 17 plus three, it's 20. MATT: Yeah, you managed to get over it and you're now on this side of the wall. LAURA: Okay. MATT: Okay, that finishes Jester's go. MARISHA: Do the TSA. MATT: Pike, roll a death saving throw for me. ASHLEY: Here we go, guys. I'mma a roll my Pike dice. SAM: That's officious. ASHLEY: Where is it? LIAM: It's in the wires directly below the table. LAURA: Like amidst the wires. LIAM: You could roll another one. ASHLEY: But can I, what do you think? MATT: If you want to find it, if you want to call it, go find it and tell me what it is. ASHLEY: I got to call it, hold up. MARISHA: It's right, it's under-- LAURA: Yeah, it's in the wires. LIAM: The very front edge of the table. MARISHA: Yeah, keep going. MATT: No, I respect this, I'm all about this. MARISHA: There it is. LAURA: Yeah, can you see it? MATT: Need your phone? MARISHA: What is it? ASHLEY: Fuck! (laughter) Nope, I failed. MATT: That was incredible. That was incredible. ASHLEY: I'm using it because it's not like if I come back it's going to-- I'm in between-- I fail. MATT: Okay, so you lose the second death saving throw, you got it. ASHLEY: Oh no. MATT: That's Pike's turn. TRAVIS: Actually, I hit her when she was prone and that was two, right? MATT: Only with a melee attack is it a crit that takes away two. TRAVIS: God, I'm a fucking idiot. Cool. MATT: So finishing Pike's go. Percy, you're up. ASHLEY: I don't get any bonus actions or-- MATT: No, you're bleeding out and unconscious, I'm sorry. TALIESIN: I'm going to roll sideways so I can get a shot at Fjord. And I'm going to take a shot at Fjord. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: This is one of those irritating ones, bonus action reload. Well, no I'm holding on that. I'm going to reload, take a shot. That hits. That's like 27. That's like 30 to hit. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Yeah. TALIESIN: And that's just this. MATT: Do you still have your cloak charged? TALIESIN: No, I emptied that into-- MATT: Oh, into Beau, that's right. What about when Jester just hit you with the-- TALIESIN: With what? LAURA: With the Harm spell. TALIESIN: I think I can only absorb once a day. MATT: Oh, that's right. Never mind, you're good. TALIESIN: I'm out. That's-- SAM: All of our vestiges were nothing against your wits. TALIESIN: 15 points of damage. TRAVIS: Yep. SAM: And your stun. Your T-Rex. MATT: Stun in PvP is broken. MARISHA: Stun in PvP is broken, you're not wrong. TALIESIN: Bonus action reload, fire again. MARISHA: Monks are dope, everyone should play one. ASHLEY: Dope. MARISHA: Yep, yep. TALIESIN: That hits, 17 is what I rolled. Ah ha, there we go! 22 points of damage. TRAVIS: Still up, barely. TALIESIN: (sucks teeth) Fff-- I'm going to continue running into the tower, if I can get-- Is there a door on the other side of that weird little? MATT: Over here? TALIESIN: No, no the big tower. MATT: The big one over here? TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. MATT: Well, you're still on top of this one. TALIESIN: Yep. MATT: You'd have to climb down and go up this way if you wanted to. TALIESIN: Yes. I was curious if there was a door behind that weird little-- MATT: No, there is not, the only door in the front. TALIESIN: I'm going to head that way and start heading up. MATT: Heading this way? Okay, so you climb down here. You'll get to about there with your movement. TALIESIN: I'm good with that. MATT: Okay, finishing Percy's go. Beauregard. MARISHA: I'm still squared off with Vax, yeah? LIAM: Right on me. MARISHA: He's still stunned too, right? MATT: Indeed. You have advantage on all attacks. MARISHA: So am I, but his-- MATT: Cloak is back up so it's just a straight roll. MARISHA: Straight rolls, okay. Let's use this one. Okie doke, here we go, first attack. Ooh, that was 15, I will take it as precarious as it was for a 27. MATT: That hits. MARISHA: 14 damage. LIAM: Okay. I assume, I can't use Uncanny Dodge, I'm frozen stiff, right? MATT: Yep, you have no reaction. LIAM: Fuh-ting. So now you have advantage on it. MARISHA: One ki point left. Now I have-- LAURA: (gasps) MARISHA: Now I have advantage, okay. Okay. Uh-huh. 25. LIAM: Yeah. MARISHA: What am I going to do with my last ki point here? It's 10 damage. LIAM: Okay. MARISHA: Stunning Strike. LIAM: And I have to roll an 18 or higher, right? MARISHA: Yeah, 17 or higher. LIAM: I rolled a one. MARISHA: You are stunned again. SAM: King of the ones. MARISHA: Bonus action attack. MATT: Don't forget, you are fate touched. LIAM: I didn't think you'd let me use that. MARISHA: Why, let everybody else use all their cool shit? What is that, you get to do-- LIAM: One more luck. Doesn't do it. MATT: Okay, well it was worth a shot. MARISHA: I rolled a natural 19 on this last hit. LIAM: This is con, right? MATT: It is con, yeah. LIAM: Yeah, didn't do it, didn't do it. MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So natural 19 on his last hit for 31 total. LIAM: Gotcha. TALIESIN: I don't see any of this. MARISHA: And that's another 10 damage. LIAM: Wait, wasn't-- Oh, the 31 you just said was the attack roll, not the damage. Hold on, put that back. Okay. MARISHA: 10 damage. MATT: You got it. MARISHA: He is stunned, that's my turn. MATT: Beau, you're done. Vax, you are stunned. LIAM: Okay. MATT: Fjord, you're up. TRAVIS: I'll go over and very respectfully salute to Pike and sink the Star Razor. (laughter) ASHLEY: That's how you do it. MATT: Roll with advantage. ASHLEY: You respect my body. MARISHA: Yeah! (laughter) TRAVIS: With advantage? MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: Okay, so 29. MATT: That definitely hits. And with that Pike. ASHLEY: But best buddies, you look like him. TRAVIS: (like Grog) Wait. (like Fjord) Wait, what? What am I saying? No! No! (laughter) ASHLEY: As my body floats up, I see Scanlan and I rip off my clothes and we just go dancing in the lava. SAM: Wee! LIAM: And Vax, frozen, sees their souls. MARISHA: Oh my god, you would. MATT: Yep, yep. MARISHA: That's so fucked up, that's amazing. MATT: Oh, Raven Queen, not like this. Not like this. All right, that finishes Pike's go. TRAVIS: I will move behind the tower so that whoever keeps shooting me on the roof cannot see me anymore. MATT: You've got it. TRAVIS: And I will, with my bonus action, cast Shield of Faith on myself. MATT: You got it. You are faith shielded. TRAVIS: Thank you. MATT: All right, finishing Fjord's go, Jester, you're up. LAURA: Okay. I'm going to come over. Can I, I guess, come around to see what Beau is doing? MATT: You can kind of see Beau over there, squaring off against somebody and you have a pretty high perception, so you can see the wings flapping through the cage across the way. MARISHA: We're up against the cage. LIAM: Not too much, I'm frozen. MATT: Well, yeah, they're having a rough time. MARISHA: That moment in Rocky. MATT: You have 10 more feet of movement, if want it. LIAM: Stiffly. LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: Then I'm going to-- I'm going to Guiding Bolt, do I get advantage? I'm going to Guiding Bolt from my duplicate because she has a straight line of sight, right from-- MATT: He does have partial cover, but it's better than three-quarters cover that he would you get from you. LAURA: And I can't step out any further to get a better view. Like, could I move my duplicate for my bonus action so he wouldn't have any cover? MATT: You can try. LAURA: She can move 30 feet. MATT: Correct, yeah, and you get a straight shot to there. LAURA: Okay, so I would get advantage because he stunned. MATT: Yeah, I believe so. TALIESIN: Shite. There's nothing I can do. MATT: Yep, yes you do. LAURA: Okay, then I'm going to-- I'm going to try to Guiding Bolt him at level, fuck it, eight. LIAM: Is this an attack? Like an attack roll? MATT: Correct. LIAM: All right, well my cloak's back up. MATT: It is so you have disadvantage on it, but he has advantage from stun, so it's just a singular roll. LIAM: Don't change your mind you didn't know the stats of my cloak. MATT: Just a singular roll. LIAM: Roll the dice. TRAVIS: Making you choose one. LAURA: 19. MATT: (whooshing) He doesn't even dodge it, he can't move. But as it strikes, you see for a second like out of nowhere, this ethereal wing of black feathers and a masked face just seems to consume it into a void. LAURA: If I'd have seen that he was blurry, I wouldn't have cast at fucking 8th-level. LIAM: And then the illusion goes (gasping). MATT: Well. I know, it's tough. And it looks like you're going to lose now, I'm sorry. All right, that finishes Jester's go. Percy, you're up. TALIESIN: I'm going to take my movement to try and get on top of that gargoyle. MATT: Okay, you get up on the gargoyle. TALIESIN: Do I have any movement left or did that do it? MATT: You do have 20 more feet. You do see from this perspective, there is that that blue-skinned girl over that way that just shot something over that way. TALIESIN: I'm going to spend, shit. Fuck it, I have to do it, it's really irritating. I'm going to-- I'm going to spend my bonus action, but it's going to eat up my last point to fix my gun to use my bonus action to fix Animus which has been broken this whole time. MATT: You got it. TALIESIN: So that's-- what's the-- It's plus 14 to the roll? MATT: Plus 11. TALIESIN: Plus 11, okay. ASHLEY: No! MATT: You are rolling so bad. LAURA: It's because your magic dice got stolen. TALIESIN: I know. MATT: I know. TALIESIN: So that was a one, so it's broken. MATT: It's broken, broken. TALIESIN: It's broken, broken. SAM: Hey, are you guys ghosts, too? MATT: Well, after the fight. TRAVIS: What the fuck? TALIESIN: I'm fucking that, I'm going to reload Bad News, I'm going to take a shot. MATT: Go for it. SAM: I don't know any other ghosts. It's just me and Pike. TRAVIS: I'm new to this. TALIESIN: That at least is going to hit. MARISHA: We should go on a cruise! SAM: Want to smoke a cigarette? (laughter) MARISHA: I can pack a bowl! TALIESIN: That's 25 to hit. LAURA: Me? TALIESIN: Yes. LAURA: Me?! TALIESIN: Yes. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: You're just looking around the corner. And in like, that moment where you're like smiling after blasting him, time slows and then it rack focuses over your shoulder to this dude on this gargoyle who's just perched up there with a giant rifle. (booms) TALIESIN: 25 points of damage. MARISHA: Yikes. MATT: Roll a concentration check for me, please. SAM: This is it. The tide is turned, motherfuckers! LAURA: Oh, at advantage, cause of War Caster. MATT: Indeed. SAM: One shot at a time. LAURA: 15 plus-- MATT: Yeah, you're fine, you maintain your-- MARISHA: I'm out of ki points. MATT: -- maintain your duplicate. TALIESIN: I'm going to step behind the gargoyle for cover. MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: Just, yeah, just sticking to the wall like Spider-Man. MATT: Yep. All right, finishing Percy's go. Beau, you're up. MARISHA: So he's still stunned, right? LIAM: Yep. MATT: Yes. MARISHA: Okay. I, I didn't think this would work out this entire time. I'm going to use the Rope of Entanglement. LIAM: Ooh! TRAVIS: Oh, you're going to do it? That's just right. ALL: That's just right. ASHLEY: That's just right! MARISHA: It's a dex save, but I think you auto-fail it if you're stunned. MATT: Yep! MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: There you go. MATT: You're restrained. MARISHA: Instead of it being super Indiana Jones whippy, I'm just like, "I'm really sorry." (laughter) And I tie him to the cage that he's on. MATT: He's strapped up against it. MARISHA: And-- TALIESIN: What he would have wanted. MARISHA: That was my action, right? Can I bonus action search his pockets? Or is that an action? LAURA: But would his cloak be glowing? She's got a high passive. MATT: You would need an action to search it. MARISHA: All right, then I, um, I tie him to the cage and I just go: Sorry. Bam. And I give him an elbow straight to the face. MATT: Well, in order to make a bonus action attack, MARISHA: I have to attack. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: I forget that all the time. TRAVIS: It's okay. MARISHA: Because normally-- SAM: Monks are so weak. MARISHA: So weak, you shouldn't play one. (laughter) Bonus action then, I don't know what else I can do, actually. Oh! No. LIAM: You could mock him. MATT: You can. LIAM: That's pretty easy to do. MARISHA: It's true, I could mock him, but that's easy. ASHLEY: This is like Jaws. (Travis imitating music) MARISHA: I still have a celebone, so I pull that out, and I'm like: Have you seen one of these? Crack. MATT: (sings Strong Bad's "Techno Song") MARISHA: And that's all I do. It's all I got. MATT: All right, you are no longer stunned. LIAM: Right. MATT: You are restrained. How does he get out of the restraints? If anything? MARISHA: He has to save from it. LIAM: What kind of save is it? MARISHA: Dex save. MATT: Well, no, that was-- MARISHA: Hang on. MATT: -- once he's wrapped. MARISHA: Once he's wrapped. Equipment, hang on, this is new. (mumbles through spell's text) The target restrained, the rope can use an action to make a DC 15 strength or dex check. LIAM: I'll do dex. MARISHA: But you use your action to do it. LIAM: That's 28. MARISHA: Yeah, you-- you're out of it. LIAM: So I shimmy out. MATT: You shimmy out. TRAVIS: Yeah, but the celebone. Now it's a party. MATT: That's your turn? MARISHA: Isn't this cool? LAURA: He's still got the fucking crystal! MARISHA: And he still has the fucking crystal. I thought I could maybe get-- it wasn't great, to be honest. (laughter) Wasn't great. ASHLEY: Oh no. TRAVIS: You've been great. MARISHA: It's fine. TRAVIS: You're killing it. MARISHA: Oh. Sorry Liam, this is your table. (obnoxious laugh) (laughter) SAM: Insult to injury. LIAM: Oh that's fine, I'll just take a shit under yours. (laughter) MATT: He is pantsless, that's real easy. LIAM: I will just fly away from her, on a straight angle up, so that I'm high above the tower that I saw F-jordy run behind. SAM: You're flying? MATT: Okay, do you want to make an attack of opportunity, Beauregard? LIAM: Yeah, I got the wings. ASHLEY: As you fly by-- TRAVIS: Beauregard? Attack of opportunity? He's taking off flying. MATT: He's flying off. MARISHA: Oh! Yeah! LIAM: Did she use any reactions? MARISHA: Yeah! Sentinel. Sentinel, bitch. MATT: She hasn't yet, no. MARISHA: It's a regular, straight attack, right? MATT: No, his turn started again, so it's disadvantage. LIAM: You can still do it, though. MARISHA: Disadvantage-- hang on, wait, go away. I don't want the store. LIAM: (pigeon coos) MARISHA: Get out of here, D&D Beyond, okay. TRAVIS: (pigeon coos) MARISHA: 24, I rolled a 12 and a 14. LIAM: You got it, I'm still there. MARISHA: So Sentinel, pop! MATT: Roll damage. MARISHA: That's right. MATT: No escape. MARISHA: Nine damage. LIAM: I'm meant to be with you. Uncanny Dodge, I'll take four from that. MATT: Okay. Finishing Vax's go. MARISHA: I go: No, no, no! MATT: So that was your movement, you can't move. LIAM: Right. MATT: Action to break free, you have a bonus. LIAM: Bonus action-- MATT: Flip her off? TRAVIS: Should have done that. LIAM: But I can't move at all. MATT: Correct. LIAM: I'll stab her. MATT: Okay. SAM: You can stab, but you can't move? LIAM: That's the only thing I can do, and it doesn't hit because it was a super low roll. Wait, hold on, let me just make sure, I'm sure it missed. TALIESIN: Cute. LIAM: Yeah, it's 15. Doesn't hit. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: No. MATT: Fjord, you're up. TRAVIS: Uh-- (banjo noises) Where's Vax? LIAM: With Beau, by that cage in the center of the field. Oh, he's still on the floor? MATT: He's still in the same place he's been. TRAVIS: Awesome. I will just take a side step, so that I can see him staying behind-- nope, I will stay behind cover, thank you. LIAM: There's no disengage with you, because of the Sentinel? TRAVIS: And I will send three Eldritch Blasts towards Vax. LIAM: Sentinel overcomes disengage. MARISHA: Yes, it does. Because Sentinel-- MATT: Because I couldn't see, MARISHA: --that's the thing. MATT: I broke Fjord off the base. MARISHA: It's like a Rogue buster. MATT: But that's fine. TRAVIS: No, you broke my base! MATT: No, it's fine. MARISHA: I'll double-check, just in case. MATT: Let's just use this for now. We'll bring back Charlie. TRAVIS: Charlie. MATT: Sure. TRAVIS: Great. Disadvantage Eldritch Blasts, right? To Mad Vax? MATT: Not disadvantage, just a straight roll. TRAVIS: Oh great. MATT: He's not prone. TRAVIS: Okay, cool. Go away, you. MATT: And she hit him, so his thing's worn off. TRAVIS: 15 plus 10 is a 25 for the first one. MATT: That hits. TRAVIS: These are plus five, cause he is Hexblade Cursed. That is eight plus five is 13, plus five is 18 for the first one. MATT: 18 points of force damage. LIAM: Yeah, that hurts. MATT: 18 points, right? TRAVIS: Second one. That's only a 17 to hit. LIAM: Misses. TRAVIS: Misses. Last one. (die rolls onto floor) MATT: (laughs) TRAVIS: That's a cocked up roll. MATT: There's a box right in front of you that actually is really handy for not letting that happen. TRAVIS: Fair enough. 28 to hit. LIAM: Oh yeah, that hits. Come on, Sub-Zero, do it. TRAVIS: 13 plus five, 18 again. 18 points of force damage. LIAM: Got it, still standing. SAM: May I inspire Fjord from beyond the grave? MATT: Sure. MARISHA: Fjord? Does he have more turns? I'll inspire Jester. TRAVIS: That's it, and I will-- MARISHA: (laughs) TRAVIS: I can't quite see the line of sight, but can I move just so that Vax can't see me, and Percy can't see me. MATT: You don't know where Percy is. TRAVIS: Oh, well, yeah. I'm pretty sure that being back here is fine, but I can just tuck back a little bit. LIAM: Yeah. ASHLEY: Pike and Scanlan are just boning in a pool of lava. (laughter) I've always wanted to do this in lava! SAM: Me, too! MATT: Okay. SAM: Can I attempt to inspire Jester from beyond the grave? MATT: Sure. SAM: I'm going to read her an inspirational limerick. LAURA: Okay. SAM: (gruffly) You took on Vox Machina in a fighty. We made it interesting. Well, slightly. Despite Pike's holy mace, you drew a dick on our face, and proved that you Nein are mighty. TRAVIS: Oh shit. (cheering) Death has done you right. ASHLEY: Good stuff. MATT: Well done. TRAVIS: Been busy in death. MATT: It creeps you out. SAM: And I keep taking the fucking I'm getting from Pike. (laughter) MATT: Which loses the inspiration, so. (laughter) Oh god. SAM: Is that your hand or some sort of strap-on? LIAM: Spectral pegging. SAM: Whatever. TRAVIS: It's aggressive. MATT: Jester, it's your turn. LAURA: Oh my gosh. I feel so inspired. TRAVIS: I love the angle that you were at, for some reason. LAURA: Can I get over to Vax? Can I get to him? MATT: You can certainly try. LAURA: I'm going to try to get to him. MATT: 30, you can't quite get to him. ASHLEY: I rubbed my eyeliner all over me. TRAVIS: Oh, I did the same, I'm just a smear, I think. LAURA: You can't use your bonus action to move more, you can only use your action to move more. MATT: To which one? LIAM: Only a rogue can use a bonus action, or a monk can use a bonus action to move more. LAURA: Okay. MATT: You can use an action to dash and get there. LAURA: I can dash, but I can't use a bonus action to search him. MATT: Correct. LIAM: No last round. LAURA: Can I see him? MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Am I at disadvantage, trying to hit him? MATT: No, he's been hit previously, he's no longer blurring. LIAM: I'm stuck. LAURA: Okay, then I'm going to try to cast-- LIAM: Don't need much. TRAVIS: Yeah, just got to beat a 23. LAURA: I'm going to try to cast Guiding Bolt at level four. MATT: Level four, go for it. MARISHA: Come on. LAURA: Nope. Didn't work. I can't get to him! SAM: Use that inspiration. LAURA: Can I? I don't really have inspiration, do I? SAM: Yeah, let's go home. ASHLEY: Take it! (laughter) SAM: Yeah, it's dead inspiration. So maybe it's just like a d6. TRAVIS: âª Like a d6 âª MATT: All right, Jester, that finish your turn? LAURA: Where's my duplicate? MATT: Over there. LAURA: She's staying next to Fjord. Wherever Fjord goes, she's going to stand in front of him. MATT: Okay. That's as far as she can get there. LAURA: Or just to the side of him, and shimmy. MATT: Well, he's 25 feet away from her, so she can't quite get to him. LAURA: Oh, okay, well. TRAVIS: You look good. LAURA: Cool. MATT: All righty. TRAVIS: Work it. MATT: Finishing Jester's go, Percy. TALIESIN: So can I start to-- I want to curl around the tower and up, until I see something I want to shoot at. The other direction around the tower. MATT: Oh, sorry. LAURA: We just have to fucking search him. MARISHA: I know, I just want that gem back. TALIESIN: When do I see somebody? MATT: Right about there. You can see-- TALIESIN: And that's as high as I can get while also doing that? MATT: About there is as high as you can get there. If you want to, you can go back a little further and be higher. TALIESIN: That's perfect. MATT: Okay. We'll do that, then. TALIESIN: Who can I see from up there? MATT: From there, you can see-- TALIESIN: Fjord, or--? MATT: You cannot see Fjord. You can see Jester, and with a little bit of cover, you can see Beauregard. TALIESIN: I'll hit-- I can't do any of that. SAM: No. TALIESIN: Fucking shit. Because I'm out of anything interesting. I will take a shot at Jester. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: You know, I'm going to take this at a negative five. MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: That's seven-- That's 20 to hit. LAURA: That hits me. TALIESIN: Okay. TRAVIS: Great Weapon Master, or whatever this is called? Sharpshooter? MATT: Sharpshooter. TRAVIS: Yeah. TALIESIN: Oh, you're very lucky. Maybe. 10, 20, 21, 27 points of-- LAURA: Okay. TALIESIN: -- of damage. MATT: Make a concentration check for me. With advantage. MARISHA: Pretty good. LAURA: Yeah, that's concentration-- MATT: Constitution. LAURA: Constitution is a 15. MATT: 15 succeeds, yeah. LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: All right. MARISHA: The fun buns or the goggles? ASHLEY: All of it. TALIESIN: Reload. Take another shot, also at negative five. MATT: All right. TALIESIN: Ooh, this might miss. That's 19-- 17 to hit. MATT: Misses. TALIESIN: That misses. And I'm going to use my bonus action to reload. MATT: All righty. There you go. Finishing Percy's go, Beau, you're up. MARISHA: All right. I'm still here with Vax, right? MATT: Yep. MARISHA: Is it straight rolls or disadvantage? MATT: Regular rolls right now. MARISHA: Regular rolls. LAURA: Is he still grappled? MATT: No, he just couldn't escape. LAURA: Oh. MATT: Because she Sentineled him. ASHLEY: I love this slow death. MARISHA: You okay, bud? Boop. (laughter) MATT: There you go. Perfect. TRAVIS: The jab. (laughter) MARISHA: I rolled an 18 for a 30 total. MATT: That hits. MARISHA: On this first attack. LIAM: Just barely hits. MATT: Almost off you. MARISHA: Okay. Nine damage. LIAM: I'm down. MARISHA: You're down. Cool. Pop pop. LIAM: (laughs) MATT: So roll advantage on the next attack. MARISHA: Advantage. I mean, yeah. Yes, yes. I rolled a 17. MATT: So you will fail two death saves. LIAM: And the advantage on the death saves has no bearing on that. So two death saves. MATT: Correct. Two death saves. MARISHA: And then bonus action-- SAM: Pop pop. MARISHA: Yep. LIAM: Do it. MARISHA: I do the thing. I just grab his wings a little, and just walk away with them. MATT: Dragging him over the rock? LIAM: Wow. Wow. MARISHA: A little brutal. LIAM: I appreciate that joke. LAURA: Natural 20? MARISHA: A natural 20. I swear to god. TALIESIN: I think he explodes. MATT: Well, how do you want to do this, I guess? LIAM: This is twice Marisha has murdered me in battle royale. TRAVIS: (laughs) Twice. Love, take thy beak out from my heart. LIAM: First there was lava, now this. MARISHA: Grabbing him, and dragging him out by his wings. And I start looking. I throw him over the lava pool, to let him start to singe while I look for the crystal. MATT: Twice now she's killed you in lava. LIAM: Yeah, yeah. MARISHA: Look for the crystal. MATT: All right. Well, you can start making an investigation check next turn. MARISHA: That's what I do. MATT: Okay. So you've dragged him into the lava. LIAM: My corpse is just like blah. ASHLEY: Slowly. MATT: Burning and burning as you're there, All right. Cool. SAM: As your ghost apparates, We are just 69-ing, and floating above you. ASHLEY: Join us, Vax! SAM: Come join in! TALIESIN: There is one reality where I can fix this. MATT: What the fuck? LIAM: Be right there, I'll be right there. SAM: Come join! LIAM: I plan to. TRAVIS: With Vax going down, I will heal 17 hit points, because of Hexblade's Curse, thank fuck. MATT: All right. Now finishing Beau's go. Fjord, you're up. TRAVIS: Oh, it is. I will creep around the corner slowly, towards the front. And as soon as I can see Percy up top, I'll send three Eldritch Blasts his way. First one is a 26. TALIESIN: That hits. TRAVIS: Second one is a 19. TALIESIN: That hits. TRAVIS: Oh! And third one is a 25. TALIESIN: Those all three hit. TRAVIS: Great. TALIESIN: Low AC. TRAVIS: Yes. A d10. Two plus five. That's balls. That's seven points of force damage. Second one is a one?! That's six points of force damage. And a nine, so nine plus five, 14 points of force damage. MATT: All righty. TRAVIS: I will move back Behind cover. MATT: You got it. All right. Finishing that, that leads us to Jester's turn. LAURA: Can I get over to Vax? MATT: You can. LAURA: And Beau. MATT: Yeah, you can get right up, yeah. LAURA: Okay. Can I search for the crystal? MATT: Make an investigation check. SAM: With inspiration. MATT: Sure. Take inspiration on this one. TRAVIS: See? It's not just us. (laughter) I told you this was cursed! ASHLEY: You also do this side roll. MATT: The spectral orgy is inspiring, to you specifically. LAURA: 14. Investigation. MATT: 14? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: He's on fire, and the body's slowly (hissing) but as you glance through the cloak, the pockets, the armor, there's no gem. TRAVIS: He hid that shit. He hid it. LAURA: Are you kidding me? MARISHA: You bitch. You bitch. TRAVIS: He probably tossed it in the lava. MARISHA: Oh, yeah. ASHLEY: Why would it be on him? MARISHA: I rip your mask off. I didn't get that far. (laughs) LIAM: Too late. It's gone. SAM: He was Bruce Wayne the whole time! LIAM: Top of the night I was like, this mask is hot. Make sure you punch this shit off my face. Every attack I'm like, "Okay. Punch it off my face. Punch it off my face. Please punch it off my face." MARISHA: That's what you get for hiding so much. MATT: I love it. LIAM: And I'm dead with a mask on my face. ASHLEY: Wait, it's literally attached? LAURA: I'm going to-- LIAM: No, I just wanted the mask off my face. LAURA: I'm going to bonus spell Mass Healing Word us. MATT: Yeah, there you go! What's the range on it? MARISHA: That's good. LAURA: Oh, 60 feet. TRAVIS: How long have you had that? I had one hit point for, like, three rounds! LAURA: Did you? TRAVIS: Yes! LIAM: You've been trotting around with one? SAM: No, he got healed a couple times. TRAVIS: Yeah. He knocked me down, he hit me 22 points and it took me down to one. LAURA: You guys, I just healed us for eight points. MARISHA: Ooh! TRAVIS: Oh, well, that's fine. Okay, cool. MARISHA: That's pretty good. MATT: You can choose either Fjord or Beau, because the 60-foot range there from you, MARISHA: Choose Fjord. Choose Fjord. MATT: Fjord's a little beyond you, unless you're centering it on your-- SAM: Back to one. LAURA: Can I center it on my duplicate? My duplicate cast it and get both? MATT: Yeah, that'll work. LAURA: That's what I do. TRAVIS: Hexblade's Curse helped me. So I'm not at one. MATT: All righty. Finishing Jester's go. TRAVIS: Definitely hiding, though. MATT: Percy, you're up. TALIESIN: I can see Jester from here. MATT: You can. TALIESIN: I'm going to take a shot. I'm not taking the-- come on. I have one, only way I can win. It's not happening. Gun jams. LAURA: The gun jams again? TRAVIS: That's a record. That's a record. MATT: This is-- you've had some awful luck. TRAVIS: Is that five or four? TALIESIN: So fucking many. I'm going to have no weapons soon. I'm going to run into the tower. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: If there's a door up there, I'm taking it. MATT: There is a hatch. TALIESIN: I'm going down. MATT: Percy goes down inside. All right. Finishing Percy's go, Beau. MARISHA: He's still alive with one death save? LIAM: No, you killed me, dude. MATT: You pushed him into the lava, he's dead-dead. MARISHA: He's super dead. LIAM: I thought you were holding-- She was holding me over the lava while she rooted through my clothes. MARISHA: Searching through his pockets. LIAM: You were going to give her an investigation-- well, anyway. MARISHA: Yeah, I was going to do an investigation check on my next turn. LIAM: So I think you don't need a bonus action just to let go of me and let me fall in lava. MATT: Yeah. Up to you. MARISHA: But investigation check, I want to find that crystal MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: In case it's on him. MARISHA: A hundred percent. TRAVIS: Which it's not. MARISHA: Okay, okay. 25 total. MATT: 25, that's a great roll. MARISHA: Sorry, I forget my investigation's really high. MATT: Yeah, it is. Not on him. LAURA: He hid it. He hid the stupid crystal. You're such an asshole! LIAM: I'm dead. LAURA: We're still yelling at you. TRAVIS: Not yet, you're not! MARISHA: I toss his ass in the lava, and I take my staff and I shove him in a little bit like a washroom lady. TRAVIS: That's fair, that's fair. MARISHA: Just make sure he's in there. LAURA: Talk to his corpse as he's going down. LIAM: History repeats itself. MATT: Yes, it does. ASHLEY: You plunge, and you scrub. You plunge, and you scrub. I'm so glad you know what that is. MATT: Wow. Okay. MARISHA: Holy shit. (laughs) MATT: Does that finish your turn, Beau? MARISHA: Can I move? MATT: You can move. LIAM: Don't you dicker with me. MARISHA: Do I know where anybody is? TRAVIS: I'll go up top. MATT: You don't. MARISHA: I don't. MATT: But the battle isn't over. And you don't know where Percival is. You don't know where the stone is hidden. TALIESIN: (evil laughter) SAM: Just kill yourself. ASHLEY: This is amazing. TALIESIN: Nope. LIAM: Room alone. TALIESIN: You can walk away. If they find the gem, it's over. MARISHA: I've got 50 feet, right? LAURA: It's like an Easter egg hunt now. MARISHA: I'm going to go because I don't-- LAURA: Where did you put it? Did you put it up your butt? MARISHA: Can I tuck into this pocket in the-- no, no, closer to this tower, but past the cage, just-- god, I'm so far away. This pocket in the corner and the stone. 55 feet. Yes. That's where I want to go. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: I love that the laser pointer was moving like a common house fly all over the map. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Over here! MARISHA: Like ahhh! MATT: All right. That finishes Beau's go. MARISHA: Yeah, kind of suck up against the wall, and just watch. TALIESIN: I'd like to take one of them out. It would make me happy. MATT: Fjord. LIAM: Vax wanders over by the pool of lava and just lies down and just sits like this, and watches Pike and Scanlan and go at it. MARISHA: Like it's a hot tub? LIAM: Mm-hmm. TRAVIS: I'll cast Fly off the Star Razor. And I will start flying towards the top of the tower, having seen Percy move there. TALIESIN: I did close the hatch, by the way. TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: So much hair! MATT: 60 feet will get you about-- ASHLEY: Those Uggs you've been wearing. MATT: Closer to here. TRAVIS: Okay. And if I can't see Percy, I will hold Eldritch Blast until I can see him. MATT: Okay. You got it. All right, finishing Fjord's go. Jester. LAURA: I'm going to cast Locate Object on the crystal. TALIESIN: Nice. MATT: All right. Do you want to point out where-- the direction where she would be traveling? LIAM: Just the direction? MATT: Right? LAURA: I would know exactly where it is. It pings in my stuff. MATT: All right, point it out. LIAM: Well, it's the cage on the opposite side, MATT: Right over here? LIAM: It's buried in rubble by that cage. MARISHA: Oh wow. LAURA: I make my way-- âª makin' my way âª over there. I let Beau know as I'm running over. It's over here! MARISHA: Huh? MATT: Okay. SAM, MARISHA: (startled grunts) SAM: (like Doc Brown) Marty! MATT: Finishing Jester's turn, top, Percy. TALIESIN: What do I know about the room I'm in? Is there anything interesting? MATT: So-- TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah. Might as well. Yeah. MARISHA: Ooh. TRAVIS: Yeah, take the top off of that cage. Let's go. MATT: You step down inside and there is a staircase that continues below, and that's it in this chamber. TALIESIN: I'm going to use my action to try and repair my gun. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Please don't let there be, like-- TALIESIN: It's repaired. MATT: All right. TALIESIN: And I'm going to keep running down. MATT: Okay. You head down the stairs to the next floor. There is a chest. SAM: Three scrolls of Revivify. (laughter) MATT: You come down, there's a chest, and there is a couple of archer window slots on the wall. TALIESIN: I can't use my bonus action to open the chest, can I? MATT: No, it's an action. TALIESIN: All right. I'm going to just try and find a place where I'm hidden behind the stairs, in case someone comes down. MATT: Okay. There we go. MARISHA: (New Jersey accent) Stairs. TALIESIN: (English accent) Stairs. MARISHA: (New Jersey accent) The stairs. TALIESIN: Flipping between accents sucks. So much. MATT: All right. Finishing Percy's go. Beau, you're up. MARISHA: I heard Jester say, "Over here, over here," so I will, goddamn it, go the wide way that she is going, and try to meet her on the opposite side. So yeah. Swing wide. There we go. 55 feet. MATT: 55 will get you there. And I guess I just use my action to start kicking over rocks and see what I can to do. Roll an investigation check. MARISHA: All right. TALIESIN: It's almost over. MARISHA: Mm-kay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. 28. MATT: Well, why don't you go ahead and roll for me? Like where Vax would have rolled. Go ahead and just roll survival check. To camouflage this. LIAM: Oh, that's a four. MATT: Yeah. You find it. (laughter) You get there and you look down and there's one big rock. That's placed super obviously, right there to hide it. You just kick it over. It's right there. MARISHA: Do I have an action to-- I just find it? MATT: You just find it. You don't have an action to activate it yet. MARISHA: Found it! To Jess. MATT: All right, that finishes Beau's turn. Fjord? TRAVIS: You son of a bitch! Don't you run from me! I'll use my bonus action to cast Expeditious Retreat. I'll continue to fly to the top of the tower. MATT: All right. So that puts you at-- full movement of what? TRAVIS: Of 120! MATT: Oh yeah. You head to the hatch. The hatch isn't locked; it's closed. TRAVIS: I throw open the door! (laughter) MATT: You head downstairs. You need to fly down, down the stairs this way. You get down to the bottom floor and turn, and Percival's right there, gun back against the stairs. TRAVIS: Oh no. MATT: You can close the distance. MARISHA: "Oh no." TRAVIS: Oh, I do have my action, because that was just a bonus action. MATT: Yep. TRAVIS: I will close the distance. I will swing! MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: You shot me so many times! Natural 20! (cheering) That's so dumb. Okay. Nine. So 18, plus eight is 26. TALIESIN: 26. TRAVIS: 26 plus three, 29 points of flashing vestige damage. TALIESIN: All right. TRAVIS: And the second one is I'll roll an additional damage die. I forgot because it's a crit. For eight points of damage. And the second hit is a 25 to hit. TALIESIN: That hits. TRAVIS: Cool. For a whopping 12 points of slashing damage. Oh sorry. 15 points of slashing damage. MATT: All right. SAM: Fly that up your kite, Ben. (laughter) MATT: That finish your turn, Fjord? TRAVIS: It does. MATT: All righty. TRAVIS: And I'm alarmed that he is standing so well. MATT: Indeed. With a very large gun right there. Jester, your turn. LAURA: I walk over to the crystal. MATT: Definitely get there. LAURA: And I activate it. MATT: You hold it in your hand. And as you lift it, you hear the sound of hundreds and hundreds of demons, cackling, and screaming, and cheering as the gem radiates. LAURA: I hold it up. MATT: And as you do, Percy shifts into white. TALIESIN: (as Percy) Fuck! (laughter) MATT: And Molly is standing there. TALIESIN: (as Molly) Oh, fuck! MARISHA: It's like a game of freeze tag. LAURA: Did we do it? MATT: The cheering gets louder and louder, and eventually-- TALIESIN: I'm going to open the chest. (laughter) MATT: All right. You open the chest, and you find-- I have to roll again because that's what you got last time, a Circlet of Blasting. TRAVIS: A Circlet of Blasting. TALIESIN: All right. Take it. All right, I'm good. TRAVIS: So you were gone for a bit. Got weird. TALIESIN: No, it was nice. There was a little lounge. They had-- they had coffee. It was very nice. TRAVIS: Do you want to go outside? LAURA: What's happening? TRAVIS: I found Molly. TALIESIN: Hello? TRAVIS: He was actually this other guy. TALIESIN: Oh, there's a crossbow! I'm going to-- yeah, nevermind. MATT: You hear (clapping) as the same gray-skinned figure steps to the front of the tower. Once more apparating seemingly out of nowhere. "That was entertaining. Thank you all. And I'm proud that there was little mercy shown." He snaps a finger, and you watch as the spirits, mid-fucking, get pulled into their bodies. You, your body reforms from this burned, charred skeleton back into Vax'ildan, and you're all restored to life in your original bodies. SAM: Oh man. LAURA: Are you guys okay? SAM: I think we're okay. ASHLEY: Harm! No. (laughter) We're fine. LIAM: I mean, I think I was just about to have a threesome, so thanks a fucking lot. ASHLEY: I wasn't done! SAM: I was. (laughter) TRAVIS: Many times over. SAM: Real fast. I was just going through the motions this time. MATT: "I'll admit, that's actually quite funny. But nevertheless, I thank you for your time. The debt has been paid." MARISHA: Did we win anything? MATT: "The wager to completion. You win your lives to continue." MARISHA: Oh. Okay. LAURA: I thought there would be a prize. MARISHA: Yeah, me too. LAURA: Like a trophy? Do we get a trophy? MATT: "You'll find in time. Perhaps one day we'll meet the other half." And as he says that and smiles, burning flames surround you. And at first you fear, but it's just warmth. As it burns past your vision, you find yourselves back in your respective timelines, and places, in Exandria. And that's where we'll end tonight's game. ALL: Ooh. MATT: Congratulations to the Mighty Nein side on this one. ASHLEY: Yes! (claps) LIAM: The Mighty Drei, the Mighty Vier. ASHLEY: Winner winner chicken dinner. LIAM: Long live the Mighty Nein. SAM: Amazing. TALIESIN: I was not expecting that. MARISHA: Good call. LAURA: I was not either. SAM: Three members of the Mighty Nein defeated four members of Vox Machina. And didn't even break a sweat. LIAM: Molly's far more terrifying than Percy in this form. TALIESIN: Right? LAURA: Molly's scary. ASHLEY: Molly's very scary. TALIESIN: I had shit to do to you that-- I could have done some interesting shit. If I had just gotten one hit on you, that would have been real bad. TRAVIS: So having played Molly, what's more dangerous, being close to you? Or far away? TALIESIN: Close. Far away, I'm nothing. But the minute I'm up close, it can get really bad. TRAVIS: Good to know. Distance. ASHLEY: Good question. MATT: That was awesome. SAM: That was fun. MATT: Good back and forth, twists and turns. ASHLEY: That was really fun. MATT: One-- oh man. MARISHA: It was tight. It was tighter than I anticipated. MATT: Yeah. I anticipated it being pretty tight. And then there were some swings back and forth. There was a moment of mercy, I think, that turned the tide, ASHLEY: I know. MATT: But that's fine because it made for an epic battle. Hell yeah, guys. Thank you so much. Huge thank you, once again, to all of our wonderful Kickstarter backers that made this happen, as well as making our animated series happen, which is coming soon! TRAVIS: It's so good. MATT: It's so good. TALIESIN: So good. ASHLEY: I thought you were lower. SAM: Manage your expectations. It's, like, okay. TRAVIS: That's fair. TALIESIN: How low were you at the end? TRAVIS: I was at one for three rounds. 18. TALIESIN: Ah, fuck! One shot, and that would've-- LIAM: Yeah. ASHLEY: I liked the melee in the beginning. TRAVIS: I had Relentless, and things, so I would have come up. LIAM: Yeah. Beau stopped me from coming over to try to mop up. TRAVIS: That's true. That's true. That would have been it. MARISHA: Right, because he would have popped up. TRAVIS: Where were you? SAM: I couldn't get there. LIAM: I was going to go Cure Wounds her up, and fuck him up. MARISHA: When I Sentineled you? LIAM: When you held me up. Yeah. TALIESIN: 14. TRAVIS: You would have gotten me. MARISHA: Yeah, it specifically says it ignores disengage. It's a Rogue buster. LIAM: Look forward in two years, when we do this again and you shove me in lava. (laughter) TRAVIS: Again. TALIESIN: Fucking-- Laura, if I've gotten a natural 20, my second shot could have pushed you 15 feet into the lava. MATT: Ah, that would have been amazing. There were some close calls, like some key rolls that if they had-- if they didn't fail, would have really changed the tide, some rolls that did succeed and fucking shifted it. That was awesome. MARISHA: Vax is tough, man. Vax is gnarly. LAURA: Yeah, Vax is tough. TRAVIS: Hard to hit. TALIESIN: Bad over and over again. LIAM: Boots, strong move. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: That was clutch. TALIESIN: Boots were amazing. LIAM: It devastated my economy. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Ah, well, thank you again. Love you guys very much. And is it Thursday yet? Good night.	Vox Machina vs. Mighty Nein	https://www.kryogenix.org/crsearch/html/cr2-141.015.html
# Critical Role Campaign 1 Episode 115.03 ## Bar Room Blitz One-Shot SAM: Hey, everybody! It's me, Sam Riegel! Welcome to Not Critical Role! I will be your host for the evening and Dungeon Master. This is the first time I've ever done this, so treat me nicely and gently. I will be guiding our players tonight through some sort of convoluted story that I've come up with. My guests for this evening are ferociously handsome and attractive people. Perhaps I can introduce them to you now. Over here is cabbage-smelling Brian Foster. Next to him is the fabulously talented and sultry Mary Elizabeth McGlynn. Next to her is cute-as-a-button Ashly Burch. Then my wife and yours, Liam O'Brien. Next to him, playing his first ever game of Dungeons and Dragons-- ERIC: I just got off my Uber shift, and I am terrified right now. SAM: This is Eric Bauza, man of a thousand voices. He really doesn't know how to play at all, and didn't really practice. LIAM: He knows six percent less than you! SAM: Yeah, that's right! I will be asking for a lot of help tonight from Liam O'Brien, as will Eric. LIAM: And I'll turn to the right and ask Matt-- he's not here. SAM: Matt and Marisha and the rest of the Critical Role gang are on the playa in Burning Man right now, so they can't be here. Naked. Humping each other. So they can't be here tonight, but we're going to carry on without them and have a one-shot deal. We have some announcements before we go, right, Liam? LIAM: Yeah, I got some, you got some. SAM: I'll start. First, new merch, guys! New merch available in the store right now. This awesome shirt that says Dalen's Closet in Shamal Bay. It's a little throwback to that little fun beach adventure we had with pranks and stuff. Ooh, it's so soft. LIAM: If you think that sleeves are bullshit, we have this one, as well. SAM: Wow, that's such a beachy shirt! ERIC: You get a great tan with that shirt. SAM: Wow, I love it! And it's available in the store already? Now? Go purchase it! Go purchase the shirts. BRIAN: I want to see Travis wear that when he works out. LIAM: There's more stuff, though. Well, the Dagger Dagger Dagger shirt is back. I know that's not brand new, but it's new-ish. The Scanlan shirt is even less new-ish, but it's an amazing shirt, and it's still there. We have the aprons still, we have pencils, we have Tarot cards. I feel like going: ooh. She's in the desert; she can't touch me right now. That's it. SAM: So that's our merch update. Liam and I will be tomorrow morning flying to Sacramento to do SacAnime. Are you doing it, Mary? MARY: No, I have to do a red-eye on Friday night to Dragon Con. Yes, very exciting, to meet Mr. Steve Blum there. I haven't met, I'm looking forward to it. SAM: So we'll be in Sacramento for the weekend, me and Liam, doing stuff. Come see us. Come say hi if you're in the northern central California vicinity. Sure. Any other announcements, Liam? LIAM: Yeah, we've got that art book coming out. If you want to get updates you can go over to geekandsundry.com/artbook and sign up for updates, and you'll get the latest. And then also, Taliesin's not here; he's also naked in the desert, but on Wednesday he'll be back for Wednesday Club. In addition to everything they're going to be talking about, there will be a little scuttlebutt about the Critical Role comic book. We might show you the cover of the damn thing. Other things to announce about it, so tune in if you're curious. BRIAN: There's Talks Machina Tuesday night. SAM: Oh Jesus, Brian, come on. BRIAN: It's shameless self promotion at this point. But no, it's great, actually, to be a part of the show that I have been riding the coattails of this past year. It's great to finally be a part of the actual show. Tuesday nights, Talks Machina. I'll talk to you guys afterward about who's going to be on, and then we'll announce. So that's it, 7:00 on these very channels. SAM: Eric, anything to plug? ERIC: DuckTales. That's how we do our thing. We're on DuckTales together. LIAM: Yeah, he plays many characters. ERIC: Yes, actually, I think the 23rd may be the introduction of the many characters. SAM: Oh is that true? September 23rd, tune in to DuckTales. He played 30 characters in one episode? Something like that. It's a lot. ERIC: I had to sing Happy Birthday 47 times. 47 different accents. SAM: Ash-boo, anything? ASHLY: I think you're great and you're going to do a great job. Oh, OK K.O.!, which Mary's also on, is out now on Cartoon Network. Are you on it, Bauza? ERIC: No. (laughter) I'm just trying to learn how to play tonight. This is my guy. It's almost like it's the same person. SAM: All right, so with all that out of the way, let's dive into another episode of Critical Role! [dramatic music] Hi guys! Welcome back! BRIAN: He got in just under the wire. LIAM: Safe. Totally safe. ERIC: How many drinks do you have going there? SAM: I have two drinks, one alcoholic-- BRIAN: And one if that one breaks down. SAM: Okay. So needless to say, I'm super nervous because I've never done this before, but it's going to be fun, and if it sucks then who cares, right? So let's just dive in, right? I'm going to play music from my iPad. BRIAN: Thank you for telling us everything you're doing as you do it. SAM: I'm now turning to my notes. All right. I'm about to begin the show. BRIAN: This is great. SAM: Here we go. Black and white, as far as the eye can see. The black of a cold night sky, the white of ice capping every tree and dusting the roads below. It is a frigid, monochromatic night in Jorenn Village, at the foot of the Umber Hills-- until! A flash of yellow hair, hoofbeats, a fast-moving horse, a young human woman riding at top speed through the windy night. She barrels down the street, muttering to herself, "Shit, shit, shit, I'm late again!" Then suddenly, a thunk. The horse whinnies. Did she just hit something or someone? Oh no. The young woman stops, dismounts, walks back, and sees an awful sight. An old woman in a simple grey robe, cane in a mangled hand, face bloody, arm broken. She's motionless, ashen. "Oh fuck," says the girl. "Oh my fuck. I think I-- is that a-- I just killed someone. Oh gods, what am I going to do? I am so dead." The young woman looks around. No one to call for a doctor. No fire-lit homes to knock on for help. Wait. No lights. No prying eyes. No witnesses. The rider takes a breath, kicks a little snow over the body of the old woman, checks the streets one more time, and then mounts the horse and gets the hell out of there, no one the wiser. She rides on, feeling guilty, but also relieved. No one saw, right? Right? In a few minutes she arrives at her destination, shivering with cold. She ties her horse to the lion statue across the street, just in time for her shift at the second crappiest tavern in town: The Ass Sailor. The sign above the door once said "The Crass Sailor," but months ago, vandals pried off the shitty letters C-R, so now it just reads, "The Ass Sailor." The name seems to have resonated with its low-life patrons and they seem to prefer it. The poorly built tavern sits on the foundation of an old chapel, and some time in the last hundred years was expanded to two stories: a pub on the bottom and rooms above. Despite its thin walls, it has one feature that regulars love on nights like this: it is notoriously warm. The woman pushes open the door, jogs past the Ass Sailor's source of heat: a large hearth, blurred with red coals. It's a small fireplace, but no matter where you sit in The Ass Sailor, you always stay weirdly warm. So toasty, in fact, that there's a massive pile of jackets and scarves and weapons to the left of the door. Everyone inside has stripped down to the bare minimum of dress. With the lack of clothing comes an oversupply of skin, skin of all shades and body parts. The ruddy belly of a human salesman stuffing himself on rotten mutton. The dark blue-tinted shoulder of a tiefling whore, enticing a gray, bearded, older man upstairs. The gray forearm of a half-orc merchant, drawing a mug of Greep from the keg on the bar. Greep, by the way, is a homemade house liqueur. It's so potent, its nickname is "kindling" because it is also extremely flammable. Hint, hint, hint! LIAM: Red barrels, everywhere! SAM: "You're late!" calls the bar manager, Xavier, wiping his hands on his grubby chef's apron. "I hit some unexpected traffic on the road!" replies your late-shift bartender, Valerie, as she puts on her apron and ducks behind the bar. There are a dozen tables, most populated with drunken assholes, half-witted con artists, and infectious laughter. Val gets right to work on a night that will prove to be unlike any other. At the bar, a noble half-elf woman with fiery eyes, dark skin, and spectacular blonde hair nervously fidgets with her necklace. She glances about, looking for someone. In an elegant blue and white gown and golden jewelry, she is definitely out of place among the riffraff. This, we will learn, is Gryffin. Val, the bartender, approaches. "Hi. So what can I get you?" MARY: What is your name? SAM: "Valerie, hi." MARy: Hello. Do you have any scotch? "Well, no." I have a menu. MARY: You do? SAM: I'm over-prepared. Oh god, I've lost the menu. Oh god, everything's gone wrong one minute into the show. Oh god. "We have ale." MARY: Any Fireball? SAM: "We have Greep, which is the house liqueur. We have some whiskey, and we have some wine. The wine is not very good." MARY: I'll have the whiskey. Actually, you know what? Can I have whiskey with a Greep chaser, please? SAM: "Oh, sure. That'll be seven copper." MARY: All right, here. SAM: "There you go. What brings you around here? Haven't seen you before." MARY: Oh, well, mostly to get out of the cold. Actually, maybe you can help me. I'm so sorry. I've been looking for a girl, and there was a man who told me of this place. SAM: "Well, we have two ladies of the night over there. One is named Zarvah; she's the tiefling, and she's a crowd pleaser. Yes. The other is Kay, and she's over there as well." MARY: Thank you, thank you. Actually, I was looking for someone a bit younger than both of them. She has red hair. I'm wondering if you've seen anyone quite like that? SAM: "I'm no one to judge but whatever sort of thing floats your boat. I don't know any young whores, if that's what you're asking for." MARY: No, just a young girl. All right. Frankfurt, have you heard of a man named Frankfurt? SAM: "Sure, yes. Frankfurt. He's a dwarven man. He comes in here from time to time. I think he's on a run. I haven't seen him tonight." MARY: All right. Well, he told me to come here, so I did. So I'll just have a drink for now, if that's all right. SAM: "All right, I'll let you know if he arrives." MARY: Thank you so much, I do appreciate that, Val. SAM: Just then, a tall female humanoid with rippling biceps and long whiskers takes the next stool over. She's covered with tan and orange fur, which is unsurprising because she is tabaxi, a cat-woman. Her feline face is bandaged from recent battles, and she snarls with an imposing posture that says, "Don't fuck with me." This is Clothesline. Val approaches. "Oh, hey, Clothesline. The usual, I assume?" ASHLY: Do you have the milk that I ordered? SAM: "Yes." Val takes out a saucer of warm milk and puts it on the bar. "Oh, and here's some spice, too." She places a box of crimson powder on the bar. It is catnip. ASHLY: Thanks, Val. SAM: "What happened to your face?" ASHLY: Oh, you know. It's a funny story. I clotheslined some people. SAM: "Oh, that's--" ASHLY: Yeah. And their nails were not cut. Generally when you clothesline someone you (clicks tongue) go, but they caught on for a little bit, went for a little bit of a ride, and then I killed them. So that's that. SAM: "Wow. That sounds like a lovely evening?" ASHLEY: Oh yeah, it was great! I could've done without all the cleanup after. There was a lot of blood. It's hard to get out of the old fur. SAM: "Sure. Clothesline, this is-- What was your name again?" MARY: Gryffin. Gryffin Erendel. ASHLY: Hi. MARY: Hello, how are you? ASHLY: You got weird eyes. What's the deal with her eyes? MARY: They're gold. There's nothing wrong with them. ASHLY: They're gold, like currency gold? MARY: No, they're not karated gold, they're just gold. I'm a sunny Eladrin half-elf, all right? ASHLY: What does that mean? SAM: "I don't know. I don't really know." MARY: It doesn't matter. Why do you have fur? Why does anybody have anything? It's just who I am. It's who you are. So cheers to us. ASHLY: I don't cheers ladies with weird eyes. MARY: All right. You've got a little blood on you there, dear. SAM: As they speak, over at a small table, a young human girl sits alone, peering out of her hooded cloak. She has almost translucent skin, and snowy wisps of white hair fall over her face. Her cool blue eyes reveal a quiet confidence, but she seems guarded and keeping her back to the wall, not touching her glass of water. This is Jayne. Strolling over to the table, with a wobbly gait, is a short elven man with gray skin, gray hair, and a black leather choker. He wears a sour expression and projects abject apathy. He reeks of booze and appears to be wearing dark red eye makeup. This is Kingston, and it looks like Kingston is approaching Jayne. BRIAN: Evening. LIAM: Oh, hello. BRIAN: Do you come here a lot? LIAM: No. I am traveling, actually. BRIAN: Alone? LIAM: Yes. BRIAN: By what mode of transportation are you traveling? LIAM: Well, have a seat, I'll tell you everything. Let's start with my childhood. BRIAN: Great! Do you want a drink? LIAM: No, and that was irony. I could have something to eat. Do you want to get us something to eat? BRIAN: Yeah. Any dietary restrictions? I don't want to walk over and then have to come back. LIAM: Just a little something. BRIAN: Okay. I'll walk over to Val. Unless there's table service? SAM: Hell no. "Hi, Kingston. What can I get for you?" BRIAN: Me and the child over there need food. SAM: "The child?" BRIAN: She's a bit young for me. I like them old. SAM: "You're going to buy this person food?" BRIAN: Yes. SAM: "With what money?" BRIAN: You can put it on my fucking tab, for starters. She looks famished. She's traveled by some unknown mode of transportation. She looks famished. She doesn't want a drink. She wants to eat. Put it on my tab. Consider it a humanitarian gift. SAM: "All right, I'll give you some bread. All right?" BRIAN: And also some Greep for me. SAM: "Fine." Takes a glass of Greep for you. "And here's two loaves of bread. On your tab. Again." BRIAN: Thank you. I walk over and hand her the loaves. Here you go. LIAM: That's nice. BRIAN: I get stuff free around here. LIAM: You're from here? BRIAN: Yeah. Nearby. LIAM: Is it always this cold? BRIAN: Well, not in here. But outside? Yeah, it's pretty cold. LIAM: I'm sorry, what was your name? BRIAN: Kingston LaForge. LIAM: Strong name. BRIAN: Thank you. I come from a long line of LaForges. LIAM: Tell me about yourself. And as he goes, she starts inspecting the room, kind of listening. SAM: All right, you see a bunch of rowdy people all about you. No one out of the ordinary that you can see so far. Let's see here, what interesting things? You know what? Make a perception check. LIAM: It was almost good. Ten. SAM: You see lots of festive people eating lots of food and drinking lots of wine. That's about it. LIAM: Does anybody look dangerous? SAM: Dangerous? Well, most of the people in here are weaponless. Some do have weapons. The tabaxi over there is packing some biceps and some sharp claws. There's a couple of guards. There's one guard over near the door who's watching people's cloaks and whatever weapons have been checked. There's another city guard who's drinking, but he's got his sword. He's near the wall over there. He's got his sword sheathed, and he looks like he could do some damage, maybe. That's about it. The prostitutes look really feisty, and one of them is having an argument, still, with this man, about payment. LIAM: So you were going to tell me your story? BRIAN: Did you see that cat lady over there? LIAM: Yes, I did. BRIAN: She is something else. I'm not saying I have a type, but my preferred terrain is a litter box. LIAM: You know, I'm happy to share the loaves of bread with you, but my feelings won't be hurt if you want to change over. BRIAN: Thank you, but I'll tell you a little bit about myself first. What would you like to know? LIAM: Oh, start from the beginning. You grew up here? Tell me all about it. BRIAN: I was born Kingston LaForge. Still am. To a long line of LaForges. MARY: Did you hear him say Kingston LaForge? BRIAN: My family was acrobats. ASHLY: Why is she talking to me, Val? BRIAN: Carnies. 24/7 locksmiths. I, however, was afraid of heights, so I had to learn how to sing for my supper. However, nature took over around the age of teen. I lost my beautiful singing voice. It was a falsetto, a very lovely falsetto. LIAM: When you were young, you lost it? That must have been a long time ago. BRIAN: Oh yes, over 100 years. So I left my family and the traveling circus, and I found myself a wife, Cloris. We wed, and together, I wrote some of the best books the land has ever seen. LIAM: Jayne is quietly digging her fingernails into her leg to stop from screaming. MARY: I quietly start pounding on the bar. BRIAN: Together, we bore a child, and it was one of the most incredible things that ever happened to me. The child was precious. ASHLY: Oh my god, Kingston, give it a rest! BRIAN: Hi! ASHLY: Hi. BRIAN: I was just talking to this child-- ASHLY: Yeah, I get it. It's creepy. Could you stop creeping us all out? You re-hash your goddamn life story every time you come in here. BRIAN: She asked! I simply brought her free food. She asked me a question. I have an interesting story. ASHLY: You don't have an interesting-- No! Your beautiful falsetto? No! No one cares! BRIAN: You say that because you never got to hear it. MARY: Hello, I'm sorry, my name is Gryffin Erendel and I'm the biggest fan. I can't begin to tell you how much I love your work. Your book of poetry, Black and White, was one of the most amazing things I've ever read in my entire life and I happen to have a copy with me. Would you please sign it? Do you mind? I don't want to intrude. I would pay for it. BRIAN: Have you read some of my other books? MARY: Yes, I have! BRIAN: Two Witches, One Broom? MARY: Yes, yes! The Wicked Grouse? BRIAN: Yes, Doors: The Idiot's Enemy? ASHLY: Val, another milk, please! BRIAN: Here you go. Here's your book. SAM: "I made it a double." ASHLY: Thank you. MARY: You have no idea. Would you read from it? BRIAN: I will, after. May I talk to you for a minute? I know, may I just-- (sighs) I know we don't get along very often. However, I find you to be very attractive. ASHLY: Oh, what the hell, Kingston! BRIAN: I've struggled on how to say this to you, but-- ASHLY: You are this close from a claw in your goddamn eye, Kingston. So choose the next few words carefully. BRIAN: Catnip and chill? ASHLY: Can I attack Kingston? SAM: Sure! Whatever you want to do. MARY: I step back. ASHLY: I try to punch Kingston in the mouth. SAM: All right, roll for an attack. ASHLY: Okay, let's see. I don't want to use my claws. I guess I'm going to clothesline him. SAM: Great. Clothesline attack. ASHLY: 1d4. SAM: Roll a d20, add, what is it, five? ASHLY: 13. SAM: Okay, what's your armor class there, Kingston? BRIAN: My armor? 13. SAM: That's a hit, right, Liam? 13 and 13, that's a hit? All right, roll for damage. 1d4 plus something. ASHLY: Eight! SAM: Wow! Did you roll a four? Okay, so you don't have to roll for anything. BRIAN: Hold on, I'm buried in my notes. SAM: So Clothesline has a special clothesline attack. If she rolls a four, it's eight points of damage to you, sir, and you are knocked prone. BRIAN: Shit, that's amazing! SAM: That's a big fucking hit. ASHLY: It is! I deliberately didn't use my claws because I didn't want to hurt you too much! SAM: So Kingston slams down onto the floor, taking a couple of drinks with him. He's dazed. He's woozy. He looks around. He didn't even see it coming. BRIAN: Did my drink go with me? SAM: Sure, yeah. Greep all over the floor. All over you. You now have a flammable alcohol all over you. It's probably stinging your eyes. You hardly know who hit you or why. BRIAN: I'm blinded! MARY: He will write of this day, and I will know that I was here! BRIAN: You're going to have to write this down. I can't see! MARY: It's all in my mind! SAM: Xavier, the manager, comes over. "All right, enough of that! No fights tonight, all right?" ASHLY: Sorry, Xave, sorry. BRIAN: It was just foreplay. We have a big night planned, and I'm sorry we started it in your establishment. ASHLY: No fights? What about a murder? One murder? SAM: "Nothing like that tonight, please." MARY: I use Prestidigitation to cleanse him off. ASHLY: What did you just do? SAM: Some magical energy comes out of her and magically cleans up the stains off of his shirt. Everyone in the bar turns to see and goes like this to you when you do it. You are no longer flammable. ASHLY: What the hell was that? What you just did? Creepy guy? He's no longer whatever? MARY: What, you've never heard of magic? ASHLY: I know about magic. MARY: Oh, you do? Well then, why are you asking me such a silly question? ASHLY: Val, I'm going to move to a table. SAM: "Sure." MARY: I meant no offense. SAM: As the tabaxi glides across the room, finding another table, let's move you over here. I just knocked over a stool. BRIAN: I'm going to walk back over to Jayne. Yeah, because things didn't go as well as I was hoping. SAM: So you're alone by the bar now? Yes. And just then, the wind whips into the bar again as the door opens. Valerie, the bartender, gasps, scared it might be the dead old lady. But instead, it is not. Two stout male dwarves walk in. Behind them, a young girl with fire-red hair and elven ears. They walk in, and let's put them here for now. One dwarf is sullen, with thick muttonchops and a stumpy axe. He says, "I tire of the road. We eat here and rest. Frankfurt, this is your job. You pay. Obby the Rat is done for the day." ASHLY, LIAM: Yes! SAM: The other dwarf is a younger, stronger man with a braided beard, piercing eyes, and a heavy maul in his hand. He scans the room and picks a table. Unlike some of the patrons, these two do not check their weapons. Instead, they park them under the table. This is Frankfurt and his friend, Obby the Rat. They pull up a chair for the young, fair-skinned ginger girl, who joins them. Her eyes sparkle with innocence and a touch of fear. Her name, we will learn, is Holly. "You have been to this place before?" ERIC: Yep, many times. Known for their Greep. SAM: "What is that?" ERIC: Delicious, is what it is. You should try some. SAM: "Obby the Rat drinks ale." ERIC: Careful, there's a cat-woman in here. You might want to be careful of that. Val! Two Greeps, please! SAM: "Yes, right away, Frankfurt! That's him." MARY: Thank you so much. SAM: "Certainly. Tips would be appreciated." MARY: Oh, of course! What was I thinking? Here. I give her a piece of gold. SAM: "Oh, wow. Thank you very much." MARY: You're welcome. ERIC: I start taking off my clothes. SAM: "All of your clothes?" ERIC: Almost all. It's hot. It's boiling in here. SAM: "It is very hot. Are you sure you want to strip down? There are unsavory types in here." ERIC: I'm a regular. They've seen the merchandise before. SAM: "Yes." ERIC: But don't attract too much attention to us. We've got some cargo here that people might be interested in. SAM: "What cargo? We are not transporting any cargo tonight." ERIC: Well, not anything in particular that anyone would be looking for, but have you seen Garello around? SAM: "I do not know this Garello. You have spoken of him, but I don't know that I would recognize him." ERIC: Well, keep your eyes peeled. SAM: "Perhaps ask someone else." ERIC: Hey, Cat-Woman? ASHLY: Oh, for fuck's sake, what? ERIC: How are you? ASHLY: How do I look? ERIC: Bloody! And your glass is half empty. Val! More milk, please! SAM: "Right away. Whole or skim this time?" ASHLY: Give me the raw shit. SAM: "Okay." ERIC: So! How's your night been? ASHLY: I've had better. ERIC: Okay. Any scraps you've been into? ASHLY: What do you want, man? ERIC: Okay, look. I'm going to get down to business here. I've got this girl, and we're looking for a guy named Garello. Maybe you've heard of him? ASHLY: Garello? ERIC: G-A-R-E-L-L-O. I got to make a delivery, and I want to get it over with. ASHLY: Is this the type of thing that I can roll to see if I have information of? SAM: Sure, yeah. Why don't you make an intelligence check? ASHLY: That's not going to go well. What does that stand for? That's a natural 20? Never mind. I haven't used these dice before. SAM: So you don't personally know Garello, but you are a woman about town who hears things, hears whispers, talks with unsavory sorts. You have heard there is a man in town, not from here, named Garello, who has been poking his nose around The Ass Sailor, waiting for something. But you haven't met him yet. ASHLY: So I don't know what he looks like or anything like that? SAM: No, just that he's been asking around. He's been here before. LIAM: He's way up in The Ass Sailor. BRIAN: He's ass-deep in the sailor. ERIC: Well, good to know. BRIAN: Jayne? Picking up quickly where we left off, I apologize for how that went. I had a wife, Cloris, I mentioned. A child. We named our child Denise. She was beautiful, yet expensive. MARY: I slowly make my way over to Frankfurt. BRIAN: One day, I came home and found my wife in bed with another man. And not even a real man, a half a man. A dwarf. ERIC: Oh! I spilled something on my pants. BRIAN: The last time I saw that dwarf, I told him I was going to fucking kill him if I saw him again, and he just walked into the fucking bar. That's him over there. SAM: "What is wrong with you?" ERIC: Hey, hey, hey. SAM: "What?" ERIC: Obby, there's a dude over there. He's staring right at us. Don't make any moves. SAM: "Which dude?" ERIC: That guy, arms crossed. LIAM: So you're telling me this man has impugned your honor. BRIAN: My family's honor. ERIC: I may have fucked up. Well, not me, but I fucked someone-- BRIAN: I came home and she was sitting on his frankfurter. ERIC: Oh shit. You know, the T in my name stands for "The." Frankfurt The Dwarf. I have to tell you a secret. SAM: "Do you have a beef with this gentleman?" BRIAN: Oh, there's beef involved, all right. ERIC: Yeah, you could say that. There was beef. BRIAN: Yeah, there was a little too much beef, if you ask me. SAM: "Do you want me to go kill him?" ERIC: You could try? Do your old pal a favor? BRIAN: I cast Message to Gryffin. SAM: Okay, sure. BRIAN: Can I send her a secret thing? Can I tell her a message? SAM: Yes, Message will make a whisper appear in her ear. MARY: And I can whisper back. SAM: Once. BRIAN: Gryffin, that dwarf fucked my wife. (laughter) SAM: So Gryffin, you're sitting at the bar looking around. You don't know who just talked to you. All of a sudden, you hear this voice in your ear that says, "That dwarf fucked my wife." You vaguely have heard the voice before, but it's loud in here. You have no idea what the fuck just happened. BRIAN: Am I allowed to add to it? SAM: Sure. BRIAN: By the way, it's me, Kingston LaForge, from earlier. I signed the book that I wrote. MARY: Is that the title of your new book? SAM: And the spell fades. (laughter) Expert use of Message. MARY: So I continue to work my way slowly, slyly, away from the bar. SAM: Okay, as you travel across the room, Liam opens a book of some sort. As you are walking across the room, Jayne, our young girl played by Liam O'Brien, starts eyeing Clothesline and trying to get her eye contact. She raises an index finger to her eyebrow and winks. I think? Oh. Yes. There is some sort of a wink or a nod exchanged. Yes? Okay. At which point Clothesline looks around her, having received some sort of a signal. To her left is one human guard. Where the fuck did you go? MARY: Is that the guy you threw away? SAM: No, where's the tabaxi? Where is the cat lady? BRIAN: Oh, she went to a table. SAM: (laughing) Where is she? There's too many people in here. Oh, there she is. Okay, so to her left is one human guard ordering a drink. To her right, one half-orc merchant. Behind her has wandered Zarvah the whore. And she turns. BRIAN: How old would you say she is? SAM: Who? BRIAN: Zarvah the whore. SAM: Zarvah the whore is a tiefling. I don't know how tiefling ageing works, so I'm going to say 30. (laughter) BRIAN: Do you know how old the other one is? SAM: The other whore? BRIAN: Yeah. SAM: Is older, much older. BRIAN: Like old? SAM: Yeah. Her name is Kay, I think. BRIAN: Kay is the elderly one? SAM: Yes. Clothesline looks around. Human guard, half-orc, Zarvah the whore. Would you like to do anything, Clothesline? LIAM: Actually, quickly I whisper over to the weird one and I pull out my holy symbol of the Lawbearer and say: there is a time and a place for law and civilization, but your experience sounds trying, and I know what I would do. And I tuck the medallion away. BRIAN: Look, you seem like a sweet chick, but what the fuck were you grabbing onto? What was this? What is that? What is the necklace? What is that? LIAM: Are you not familiar with the gods? BRIAN: Fuck the gods! The gods?! Sarenrae's a bitch! Kord couldn't lift a dead sparrow! The Chained Oblivion took your mom to second base and never called her again. Fuck the gods! SAM: Yes. Gryffin has arrived over at the table, yes. ASHLY: Where's my movement? My speed, right? SAM: All right. You're fast, 30, I think? ASHLY: 30, yeah. Can I reach Gryffin? SAM: Yeah, sure. Let's see here. Five, ten. Yes, sure. You're going to have to dodge around some dudes, but yeah, you can reach Gryffin. Sure. Would you like to move there? All right. With cat-like grace, she leaps up onto the table, back to there, back up on the bar, back down, back on the table, all the way over to Gryffin right there. LIAM: Assassin's Creed. MARY: With Gilbert and Sullivan playing in the background. SAM: And no one even hears you move, you're so dexterous and awesome. MARY: I'm pulling out a small bag of gold. ASHLY: And to immediately ruin my stealth, I go: Sorry, Xavier! Bar fight! And I hit Gryffin. SAM: What did you roll? ASHLY: 14. MARY: Yeah, that hits. SAM: Okay. What are you attacking with? Your claws, or-- ASHLY: Oh yeah, what should I attack with? I'll attack with my claws. SAM: Claws. So plus, what is it? Five? ASHLY: Five. Yeah. SAM: So it's a 19, right? Okay. That hits. Okay. This is it. So the words "bar fight" ring out, everyone turns, looks to the source of the action over there at the table, and with razor-like claws-- right? You did a claw attack? Digging into the back of your head, Gryffin, you feel intense pain, and roll for damage. ASHLY: That is a five. SAM: Five. Take five hit points off there, Gryff. You feel these claws dig into the back of your head, you feel blood trickling down your neck. It sucks. What would you like to do, Gryffin? MARY: I turn and I cast Reduce. SAM: Reduce? Not familiar with that one. Oh, Reduce Size! MARY: Reduce Size! SAM: Yes! I am familiar with that one. Okay, as you do that, I need everyone to roll initiative. It is a bar fight. ASHLY: 14. MARY: Natural 20! Thanks for not fucking me, Gil! SAM: Oh god! Okay. Everyone get your numbers in your head. I'm going to roll for about seven other people. Okay. Sure. Uh-huh. Oh yeah. Yep. Uh-huh. Oh, not good. Not good. Uh-huh. BRIAN: Guys, don't forget to get the Tal'Dorei Campaign Guide book, available from Green Ronin Publishers, Inc. LIAM: And a special shout-out to Dwarven Forge for sending me all this shit two days ago! BRIAN: Thank you, Dwarven Forge, for the awesome mappage. SAM: All right. Give me your numbers. Anyone from 20 to 25? MARY: 20. Natural 20. SAM: Ooh, okay. Where are you? You're down here. Great. Who's next? Anyone from 20 to 25, anyone from 15 to 20? LIAM: 16. SAM: 16. Okay. Good. Yes. Anyone else 15 to 20? No? Ten to 15? ASHLY: 14. Sorry. ERIC: Go for it. ASHLY: 14, yeah. ERIC: 13. SAM: 13. Frankfurt, what do you got? BRIAN: That'd be a three. That would be a big old three. SAM: Gnarly! BRIAN: (singing) Roll a little three in Kingston town! Down, down, down to Kingston town. SAM: Let me do the order here. (singing) There are so many people in this bar! Why would I do this to myself? (speaking) Yep. This was a bad idea. Okay. Nine. BRIAN: This is your Liam's beach, Sam. SAM: Yep! Okay, good. We got 13 people to keep track of. Great. All right, here we go! Wait, I got some battle music playing. Is it playing? Sure. I don't know. I don't know what any of this shit is. (giggles) Okay. You cast Reduce. Your spell DC is what? MARY: Exactly! (mumbling) But where's the spell DC? BRIAN: Right here. MARY: 14. SAM: Okay. Oh, you have to save. Is it a constitution save? Do you know? I can look. BRIAN: It's on the card, too. Oh yeah, you got it here. MARY: Yeah, it's a concentration. SAM: Concentration? BRIAN: Yeah, constitution saving throw. SAM: So roll 20, add your constitution save modifier. ASHLY: 19. SAM: A blast of sorcerous energy comes out of Gryffin's hands? What do you use to cast things? MARY: My hands! SAM: Your hands. And the magical energy passes right through you, it's a burst of strange tingling sensation that bursts right past your face, but you shake off the effects and nothing happens. MARY: So I didn't need to roll to attack? SAM: That's a spell, yes? So you don't roll on spells, I don't believe. Unless I'm wrong about these things? LIAM: Which is the spell? SAM: It's not a ranged attack, Reduce, right? It's just a spell. Does it say ranged attack or anything? BRIAN: Yeah, no. It's 30 feet. SAM: I don't know how to play, and I don't know how to DM. I would appreciate that we hold all questions to the end of the session. LIAM: Don't worry, there are people tweeting advice right now that you can see three hours later. MARY: Because I thought I always would roll for attack, whether it's a spell or not? I don't know. SAM: Not tonight, Mary. MARY: So everything is going to be 15 all night, with all the spells? SAM: No, that's your spell save DC, right? You have a spell save DC, it's on page two of your thing. LIAM: The target makes a constitution save for this one. SAM: For spells like Chromatic Orb or other things, those are ranged attacks that you roll for your attack. Reduce is just a thing that happens. You don't have to target anyone. LIAM: Are you shrinking yourself or someone else? MARY: No, someone else. LIAM: So you have to make a constitution save. ASHLY: I did, and I cannot be shrunk! I'm unshrinkable. SAM: Okay. So nothing happened. But it is your round, Gryffin. That was a surprise attack. No, it wasn't a surprise attack, you fucking attacked first. So you still get a bonus action and a move if you would like. MARY: Yes! But it has to be a specific bonus action. SAM: If you have a spell that you can cast as a bonus action. MARY: I don't think I do. And I can't do any cantrips as a bonus action, can I? SAM: You do have one bonus action spell. MARY: Which is? SAM: Misty Step. MARY: Yes, but I don't want to use that now. LIAM: And in Matt's world and homebrew, bonus action, you can use a cantrip on, right? Since I don't do spells a lot. SAM: No. But if you really want to, I'll let you, because I don't care. (laughter) Sure, why not. MARY: Then I cast Firebolt! SAM: Firebolt. At whom? MARY: At this lovely cat! SAM: All right. This is a ranged spell. You roll for your attack. BRIAN: You're doing great, Sam. SAM: I am doing. MARY: I'm going to use Tides of Chaos. SAM: Tides of Chaos? Yeah, I hear you. Tides of Chaos is a sorcerer feature. MARY: Do I add anything to that? SAM: Yeah, plus six. That's your spell attack bonus. MARY: Yes. So 18. SAM: 18. This is versus an armor class, I believe. MARY: Which is 19, so I miss again. ASHLY: Eat it, magic! MARY: But I did roll Tides of the Chaos. SAM: You did. Which gives you advantage. MARY: I did, and that was it. SAM: Fuck! This tabaxi is tough. So you take a deep breath, Mary, Gryffin, and you say, "Oh, I'm going to get you this time!" And you cast another spell, which, again-- a tingling sensation passes over your face, as the tabaxi shakes it off. Nothing happened. ASHLY: That was a nice tickle. Thanks, Gryffin! SAM: You still have movement, if you'd like to make it. MARY: Yes, I'd like to move behind the bar. SAM: Okay. BRIAN: Did you need a tickle? Did I hear you wanted to be tickled? ASHLY: Kingston, not now! SAM: You're going to move over here? MARY: Can I go behind the bar? SAM: Oh! Sure. Oh, let's see, what's your movement? MARY: 30. SAM: Okay, yeah. Then you can make it right there. And as you go, Clothesline gets an attack of opportunity. Not a clothesline attack, because that takes movement, but other things you can do. ASHLY: Okay. I can claw her again? SAM: You can claw her again. Roll for an attack. ASHLY: I forgot how to play DND. It is a nine. BRIAN: Can I inspire her? On her attack? SAM: No, you have to do that before. Inspire, you can't use a reaction. What did you say? ASHLY: I got a four on my d20. Don't work. SAM: Yes, no, absolutely not. Clothesline takes a swipe and only just gets a little shock of blonde hair in her claws. MARY: Sorry, kitty-kitty-kitty! SAM: Ooh. They're already so feisty against each other! I love it! And you get away safely. Next up, everyone in the bar turns to see that there is some fighting going on. Many patrons of the bar who are regulars just sort of say: "Shit!" and don't really react very much. There're some newbies in the bar who are on edge, they start moving around; there's a hustle and bustle, they start going across the bar to get their weapons. Let's say that this fine young cannibal over here starts moving to get her weapons. BRIAN: Is that where they are? SAM: The weapons are over here near the front door. And let's say that this gentleman moves over to the front door to grab his weapon. Let's see here, that takes care of... so she's done. Who's three? No one goes third. What the fuck? There's no three. All right, so we go straight to four. She doesn't do anything, she's just moving. Okay. Jayne-- No, that's not true. Yes, it is! Jayne, you are up. It is your turn to act and strike. LIAM: Okay. So I cast the spell Command, which has a range of 60 feet, on the little red-haired girl. And I will say: Approach. And she has to make a wisdom saving throw. SAM: Oh snap! On the little girl? On Holly, the little girl? Who hasn't said a thing or done a thing to you yet? BRIAN: That's the one that came in with you? ERIC: Damn it! Yes. SAM: Yes, the two dwarves. LIAM: She has to beat a 14. Wisdom. SAM: Let me find her. On a what save? LIAM: Wisdom. SAM: What did you say she has to beat? LIAM: 14. SAM: She does not beat 14. So what are the effects of this spell? LIAM: Approach means she has to come toward me on her turn. SAM: On her next move? LIAM: On her every turn, until the spell gets interrupted. And then I would like to use my movement to start moving toward the door as far as I can get. SAM: All right. How fast can you move? LIAM: 30 feet. So five, ten. It's crowded. You could probably slow it down a little bit. SAM: Yeah, you had to get up, you had to walk over there. Let's say you get about this far, near the dog. And the little girl is right here. She hasn't moved yet, but on her turn she will. LIAM: And before all that happened and people were running to what? To grab their weapons to be part of this bloodbath? SAM: To defend themselves if needed. LIAM: Yes. Does anyone have a hand on a weapon yet? SAM: Absolutely. The guard right here has drawn his sword. LIAM: Yes. What about by the door? SAM: By the door? This guy has been guarding the weapons, and he holds a longsword, and he had it already readied before the fighting even started. He's a paid hired hand to guard the door. LIAM: Then I'm just going to use my bonus action to yank the belt off of me, which is actually a white whip, and crack it on the floor, and that's the end of my turn. SAM: Does that do something? LIAM: Just flair, baby. (laughter) SAM: Oh snap! Okay, that ends your turn, Jayne. Okay, who is next? Okay. Valerie, the bartender, does not like this, and she does not like someone coming behind her bar. So she is going to move over and attack Gryffin. Let's see what she's got. She's not armed, currently, so she is going to roll a punch attack. That's an 18. Does that hit? MARY: It does. SAM: Okay. She's not a martial weapon person; I think that's one point of damage. She smacks you in the face and says: "Don't come back here! This is the bar!" MARY: Gryffin's eye starts to twitch a little bit as she feels things welling up inside of her. SAM: Oh boy. It's not going great for you. Let's see here, who is next? Five, that's six, seven. Seven, who is seven? Why did I write two sixes? Clothesline! It is your turn. ASHLY: What's up? Okay. Where am I? SAM: You're right over here. You just made a swipe attack on Gryffin as she left. You're near Kingston, and you saw Jayne get up and walk away after she gave you the signal. ASHLY: Okay. And Frankfurt is adjacent to me as well, right? SAM: Frankfurt is pretty close to you, yeah. He's instinctively put his hand on his weapon, and his other hand is starting to clutch the girl's arm, the girl Holly. ERIC: That's my cargo. BRIAN: What is his weapon? SAM: What is your weapon? ERIC: Hot dog buns. BRIAN: That could be brought down with some water. ERIC: My buns! ASHLY: Okay. I'm going to attack this guard with his sword drawn. SAM: Okay. So you're going to move over here, yeah? 15 feet of movement or something. And you attack with what? ASHLY: I want to clothesline him. SAM: Sure. Yeah. So you've used ten feet of movement. ASHLY: 18. The lesson there is I should only try to clothesline people. SAM: That is a definite hit. So the tabaxi runs, full sprint, ten feet across, holding her arm out in a clothesline motion and makes a huge impact with the guy's neck. Roll for damage. ASHLY: That's a five. SAM: Five damage, okay. BRIAN: Well done! ASHLY: You're next, man! BRIAN: Bring it to me, hard and fast! SAM: So the guard is a regular, and he looks up at you and says, "What the hell, Clothesline?" ASHLY: I'm sorry, man! SAM: Would you like to do anything on your bonus action? Is there anything? ASHLY: Who else has swords drawn? This other guy, right? SAM: Which guy? This orc guy? Yeah, this half-orc guy, let's say he's got something. What does he have? Nope, nope, he doesn't have any weapons. I wrote it down that way, so that's how it is. ASHLY: I'm going to jump on the table and go (snarls) to make things feel crazier. SAM: Okay. So you do a catlike roar on the table. (hisses) The four or five people near you look up at you, totally baffled at what the fuck is going on right now. One guy, who is a regular, grabs his drink and sips it; he doesn't give a shit. Okay. Next up. That was Clothesline. Next is Kingston's turn! Kingston. What would you like to do. Oh, Kingston! Kingston is over here, sorry. BRIAN: Actually, he rolled higher than me. For initiative? I'm three. SAM: Oh, I wrote down 13 for Kingston and three for Frankfurt, but it's the opposite? So 13 for Frankfurt, three for Kingston. Sorry about that. ERIC: It's okay. LIAM: How many shows are you directing right now? 72? SAM: All of them. Okay, sorry. Sorry. I get you guys confused because of your stupid names. So Frankfurt, it is your turn. There is chaos all around you, the girl is sitting there harmlessly. She's a little frightened, but there's a lot of action; lot of movement. ERIC: I mean, I have a feeling that Kingston knows what I did to his wife. With his wife. SAM: On his wife. ERIC: Last summer. I feel like I might try to start some shit with Kingston. SAM: Okay. So seeing his opportunity, Frankfurt leaves the side of the little girl and runs across the room, using your awesome dwarf speed. How fast can you move? ERIC: 25. SAM: 25. This is you, the gold guy, by the way, Eric. ERIC: But is Obby still protecting her? SAM: Obby is still protecting her. I will say she was sitting in between you two. Obby is calm. So you go over, and you attack. Are you doing a weapon attack? ERIC: I'm going to use my maul. SAM: So roll a d20 and add your plus something to it. ERIC: Okay. I'm rolling. 18. SAM: 18? I'm sure that hits you, right, dude? Wait, you rolled an 18? ERIC: I rolled an 18. BRIAN: Wait, is that a melee attack? SAM: Yeah, he hits you. Yeah. So roll for damage. ERIC: Oh! And that's this one? SAM: What does it say? Hold on. Your maul is 2d6 plus six! This is a big, fat weapon. Two-handed strike comes down right on the top of your head. Full force. This guy is a bruiser. So roll 2d6. Or 1d6 twice. LIAM: Is this the maul? That's six two times. ERIC: Okay. So this one? LIAM: The square. Traditional die. And one more time. A six! SAM: Oh my god! You're fucking dead, dude. LIAM: Two, that's eight, plus six. SAM: 14 points of damage. Kingston, still reeling from getting dissed by several ladies tonight, didn't really even look, and all of a sudden a maul cracks down on his skull, sending him to his knees. Are you okay? Kingston is not doing great. ERIC: No hard feelings. BRIAN: Just you wait. When I get up from this ground! SAM: Because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing: on your knees, Kingston-- by the way, sorry. Would you like to use any bonus actions, Mr. Frankfurt? You don't have to. LIAM: Your Hunter's Mark is a bonus action, I seem to recall. SAM: You could have used before, or you could put it on somebody else. Also, forgive me. Hunter's Mark, he has something similar that is a paladin feature, I think, that doesn't use a spell slot. Vow of Enmity, is that a thing? LIAM: That's big time. Yeah, that gives him advantage on every attack against one target. So if you really want to fuck that guy up, do Vow of Enmity. But I think that's an action. SAM: I don't know. ERIC: It sounds a bit too complicated. I'm a little satisfied with what I did just now. BRIAN: Yeah. SAM: You're satisfied? ERIC: Yeah. BRIAN: My wife wasn't satisfied! SAM: Oh shit! ERIC: I've got video. Do I stay in that area? SAM: You can move a little bit. I think you have five or ten more feet of movement. ERIC: Head back towards Holly. LIAM: Vow of Enmity, bonus action. If you want to destroy Kingston. It gives you advantage. Vow of Enmity. One time tonight you can say, that person, and then you can roll with burning hatred. Religious hatred. You know, the religious hatred. SAM: So keep that in your back pocket. Frankfurt goes back towards the girl, keeping her protected from badness. That was Frankfurt. At this point, the old bald man who was arguing with the whore uses this as an opportunity to flee, and starts running for the door. He's moving this way. Zarvah the whore sees this happening and starts bolting to catch him. BRIAN: Don't leave! MARY: All the plants will die! BRIAN: I'm going to be done with this so soon. SAM: This guy over here, who was eating mutton before. He's got his weapon now and he turns to anyone who's available to him, which is the easiest target in the area, which is Jayne, a small girl. Mutton Man has-- LIAM: Do you know the Mutton Man? SAM: He sees you running for the door; he thinks this is fun. This is his favorite thing, is bar room brawls. He is going to roll a 14 plus five, 19 versus strength. No, he's trying to grapple you. LIAM: Versus strength. Oh, that does it. SAM: You are grappled by the Mutton Man. He grabs you and says, "Not so fast, dear, we're going to have some fun tonight." You are restrained for right now. You cannot move. BRIAN: Do you know that Muffin Man? MARY, ASHLY: (singing) Do you know the muffin man? SAM: So you are grappled. Ooh! I have a thing! You are grappled! (cheering) LIAM: It matches my albino, even! SAM: That's the Mutton Man. Now we go to Kingston. Kingston, before your roll, you have dropped to your knees. You are feeling like shit. You open your eyes; roll a perception check. BRIAN: Don't fuck me, Gil. I can't tell what it is. 12? SAM: 12, okay. You see the table in front of you; you've fallen facing the table. Under the table in front of you is a small vial of something underneath it. BRIAN: I grab the fuck out of it. SAM: That is going to take some of your movement. You could grab it; that's fine. You grab it. I got stuff. I got presents. Let's do this, because I'm a kind god. (laughing) You recognize one of these; you've seen them before: it's a potion of healing. Someone must have dropped it in the scrum, so it's there for you if you need it. What would you like to do on your action? BRIAN: Is standing up going to take my movement? Half my movement? Okay. I'll stand up and then where is Frankfurt? SAM: Frankfurt is pretty close to you. BRIAN: Okay, I'm going to cast Blindness on Frankfurt. SAM: Blindness? Okay, what is your spell save DC? BRIAN: That way he thinks he's going home with someone's wife, but he's going home with someone's mule. My spell save DC is a 14. SAM: 14. Is Blindness a constitution or wisdom save? BRIAN: It is a constitution save. SAM: So Eric, you need to roll a d20 and add your constitution save modifier, which Liam will point out to you right now. Constitution save. LIAM: Constitution save is right here. Plus four to whatever you roll. SAM: So roll something. ERIC: Now hold on a minute. I love vision. LIAM: Oh yeah, 20. SAM: 20. A prickling in your neck, Frankfurt, as you feel some sort of magical effect starting to take hold but you burp and shake it off like nothing happened. ERIC: (burps, laughs) I've never played before. BRIAN: You're doing great. SAM: Kingston, you still have a bonus action. BRIAN: I'll take this potion as my bonus action. SAM: Okay. It's a 2d4 plus what? BRIAN: 4d4 plus four. MARY: It's a greater healing. SAM: Yeah. Well, I don't want him to die already. BRIAN: Getting pretty close there for a second. All right. 4d4. 14. Yeah, not bad. 11 plus four so 15. SAM: All right. Lucky. All right, so that takes care of all you guys, I think. The half-orc who you did not attack sees you on the bar, sees that it's going to be fun, and is going to try to pull you down off the bar. He will roll a 14 plus something. I don't know what. Just a 14. I'm going to say straight 14. No, this would be a strength check. He's pretty strong so I'm going to add four to that? 18 versus strength. Strength save. 20 plus your strength. ASHLY: (singing) Critical roll symbol, so natural 20. SAM: Holy shit! So the half-orc grabs for your catlike ankles and you see the grab coming, and you kick your half-drunk saucer of milk right in his face. He's distracted and gets a whiff of air; doesn't grab any fur or anything. That ends his turn. Anybody else? Okay. There's one other person who moves, and she's picking up a weapon. That is the top of the round-- Oh no! Obby the dwarf. Obby the Rat. Okay, Obby is going to go across to the girl, take a couple steps closer to the girl because that's what he's being paid here for. Grab her by the arm and hold his action until someone tries to attack the girl. ASHLY: Does Holly move? SAM: Holly can move. Shit, I never rolled for initiative for Holly! Okay, so she should have gone a while ago. Fuck! Let's just say she was so confused she's only going now. BRIAN: Can you describe to me what she's wearing and if she's carrying anything? SAM: Holly is wearing a simple gray raw silk tunic with a belt around it. She is-- let me see, where's her fucking stats? She is not holding anything at all except for, let's say for dramatic effect, she has a tiny something in her hand that looks like a charm bracelet or something that a young girl might have, like a hair tie with some charms dangling from it or something. That's it. And she starts to move, right? That's what happens with this thing, right? She comes towards you and her movement is fast. So she comes right over and stops at your feet, looks up at you with puppy dog eyes as if to say: who are you and where are we going? And that concludes her turn. LIAM: I barely notice because someone from the Jersey Shore is lifting me into the air. SAM: That's the top of the round. Holy shit, I'm running a game of Dungeons and Dragons! (cheering) ASHLY: You're doing a hell of a job! BRIAN: You're doing great. SAM: As the fight continues, time freezes. Our vision dims. Flashes to another time, another place. It's blurry at first. Then, coming slowly into focus is a dimly lit room, a simple table and chair in the center. From this perspective, only the person in the chair can be seen. There is an off-stage voice: that of a gruff man, asking questions, but we never see him. It is, by all appearances, an interrogation. In the chair sits Gryffin. The gruff voice says: "Uh-huh. And why were you there? At the bar?" MARY: Well, I'd come to speak to Frankfurt. Frankfurt had told me to meet him there because he was transporting someone that I needed to speak to very badly-- SAM: "This girl that you keep talking about, right?" MARY: Yes, Holly, the girl. I needed to speak with her. SAM: "Why? What could a little fucking girl have that you needed?" MARY: I'm not supposed to be here! SAM: "Well, you're not going anywhere, honey." MARY: No, I mean, not here, in this chair. I mean here! I come from Illyria, and the solar eclipse a week and a half ago placed us in this wherever-the-hell we are, Jorell, I'm not sure where we are, right? And my city appears during the solar eclipse, during the period of totality. So out I come. I was pushed out of my city, and I woke up here. My city was gone. This girl, Holly, potentially could be from Illyria. I need to find her so that I can find the location of where Illyria will reappear next. That's why I'm here! I certainly didn't mean to start a fight with the cat, nor did I certainly mean to declaw her! SAM: "Are you some sort of royalty or something? You talk real funny." MARY: Well. Yes, my mother was a queen and I was a princess, yes. SAM: "Are you shitting me?" MARY: I have Prestidigitation. If you do shit yourself I could clean you up? SAM: "Don't even think about it, honey." MARY: I never would. But yes, my queen, my mother-- but she's no longer alive. SAM: Time shifts again. Same room, different time. Now in the hot seat is Kingston, looking very confused. Eyes red, hungover, woozy, dazey. "So this guy, he slept with your wife?" BRIAN: I mean, I'm pretty sure they fucked first. (laughter) SAM: "And that's all the beef there was between you two?" BRIAN: That's all the beef there was in my house that night, and there wasn't any beef in there for a long time after. SAM: "What were you even doing in this bar?" BRIAN: I live above the bar. I have an extensive tab. SAM: "But they let you live there?" BRIAN: I perform certain services in exchange for drinks and board. SAM: "What does that mean? You sweep up after the night is over?" BRIAN: If you mean I'm a male prostitute, then yeah. I sweep up all of the elderly women at the end of the night. I take them upstairs, and I show them a good time, and in exchange I get all the Greep and ale I want. Even the elderly of this great land deserve to capture the flag every once in a while. MARY: (laughing) Why did you look at me? BRIAN: I was hoping you would tell me the rest of what I was going to say. SAM: "So you, freaky-looking guy, are a male prostitute?" BRIAN: Look, some of these elderly ladies, they like their men with their make-up runny. But yes, in exchange for room and board, I will often pleasure these women deep into the night. SAM: "I don't need the details, buddy." BRIAN: Oh, you haven't even scratched the surface of the details. SAM: "Please, spare me." BRIAN: Okay. When the wigs come off-- SAM: Time shifts again. Now Clothesline, looking surly and pissy, is in the hot seat. "What's with your face?" ASHLY: What's with yours, bastard? SAM: "Fair enough. The white-haired girl: what's her deal? Did you know her?" ASHLY: Maybe. SAM: "Maybe what?" ASHLY: What are you going to do if I don't answer you? SAM: "Put you in jail." ASHLY: (growls) Yeah, I know her. SAM: "How?" ASHLY: She saved me once, all right? I was dying. I don't know. I have almost died like 20 times, I don't keep track, okay? But this one time I was almost going to really die, and she saved me. She helped me. Only person that's ever really done that. SAM: "You would do anything for her?" ASHLY: Not anything. But I'd help her out, yeah. Someone does you a good turn, you do it back. SAM: "Were you helping her this night?" ASHLY: (sighs) She wanted me to make a distraction. I don't know why, so don't ask. So I took a little skin off the creepy girl. There were a couple creepy girls: the one with the weird eyes. SAM: "I just want to get this down: you are admitting that you started the fight in the tavern?" ASHLY: Yeah. SAM: "All right. Thank you for your honesty." ASHLY: You're welcome. SAM: "Hey, where did you get that name, anyway? Clothesline? Do you have another alias, anything else?" ASHLY: Where I'm from, they give you a nickname for the thing you like to do the most. I love to clothesline. There were a lot of "Porns" in the town; it was kind of confusing. SAM: "A lot of 'Porns?'" ASHLY: Yeah. A lot of people's favorite thing is porn. You talk to many people? SAM: "Yeah, no. That tracks. That definitely tracks." LIAM: Etchings. MARY: Lots of etchings. Brass penis and balls with wings pointing in certain directions. SAM: I don't know how to change music, people. I don't know. Sorry about this. Time shifts again. Now in the hot seat we see Frankfurt, the dwarf. "All right, this girl that you claim you were there to deliver. Who gave her to you? Where did you find her? Where did she come from?" ERIC: I was told I could have one courier pigeon. I need to contact my lawyer. Why am I here? (laughter) SAM: "You'll get your courier pigeon." ERIC: Where's Obby? Obby! You've separated me from my Obby. SAM: "Listen." ERIC: What? SAM: "We're trying to round up Obby right now. We're aware of where he lives in town." ERIC: Where's the girl? SAM: "What do you mean, where's the girl?" ERIC: Where did you put the girl? I have one thing to do and that's talk to Garello. SAM: "I will be asking the questions here, thank you very much." ERIC: Ugh, I've never played. (laughter) SAM: "Fine. If you had your courier pigeon, who would you send it to?" ERIC: I would send it to (coos, wings fluttering). SAM: "While that is extremely impressive, it leaves way more questions than answers." ERIC: What does a dwarf got to do to get some Greep around here? SAM: "I don't feel like you're taking this interrogation seriously." ERIC: I am. Okay, look. I was only told that I had to transport this girl, Holly. SAM: "And what would you get in exchange?" ERIC: A couple bucks. 100 gold coins. SAM: "100 gold?!" ERIC: 100 of them, yes. SAM: "For just taking a girl from point A to point B?" ERIC: Look, I do a lot of missions and I don't ask many questions. I was told to bring her there, and I'm told to find the guy or a girl named Garello. That's all I know. Hey, you seem to know a lot about me. Can I ask you something? SAM: "Go ahead." ERIC: What do you know about this Chained Oblivion? SAM: "I know absolutely nothing about this Chained Oblivion. It's some sort of fucking religious thing." ERIC: Well, I am going to take them down! SAM: "Oh." ERIC: So if you see anyone from them. SAM: "I don't see anyone from them. I've heard rumors that they exist. Wait, why am I answering any questions?" Time shifts again. Now, we have a white-haired girl child in the hot seat. "All right, tell me your story. Why were you there? What's a sweet, innocent little sweetheart like you doing in a place like The Ass Sailor?" ASHLY: (laughing) I forgot it was called that. LIAM: (soft giggling) SAM: "Go on. I'm listening." LIAM: Sorry. I was just imagining you burned to a crisp. SAM: "Excuse me?" LIAM: Am I bound? SAM: Yeah, your hands are tied behind your back. LIAM: Hands are tied behind my back. Are they movable? SAM: They're movable. LIAM: They are? Then I cast Sacred Flame on the guy. SAM: I don't know what that is. LIAM: Oh, it's holy fire for 1d8 damage. SAM: Do you roll something? LIAM: Yeah. The target must succeed on a dexterity saving throw. BRIAN: Talk about fuck the police. LIAM: You make a dex save. SAM: What was the number? LIAM: 14. SAM: Okay. So as we see a burst of flame, right, you said flames? We see from your eyes, they start to glow and burn with a holy light and fire starts to emanate from your eyes straight towards our point of view. We hear a gruff man say: "Ugh. Hey! What the fuck are you--" and time shifts again. (laughter) And we are back in the bar, and it's the top of the round. Gryffin, it is your roll. MARY: I turn to Valerie and I pull out the bag of gold that I was going to give Frankfurt and I say to her: Valerie, I have no intention of doing you any harm whatsoever. I'm so sorry to invade your space back here, but I really need to get out of this place alive. I don't need your help. All I need are four bottles of Greep. So here is a bag of gold. May I have four bottles of Greep, please? SAM: "There's a keg right there." It's right here. It's full of Greep. MARY: Okay. Is that something that I could potentially carry? SAM: It's heavy, but you can pick it up. It's a pony keg. MARY: Are there any bottles in my vicinity? SAM: There are a bunch of cups over here. Greep is a pour thing. So you either have a big bottle of it or you can use your turn to start filling up cups of it. (laughter) MARY: So there are no whiskey bottles or anything? SAM: There are whiskey bottles all over the place in the back of the bar. They're not filled with Greep, though; they've got different other spirits: whiskey-- MARY: And there are no empty bottles whatsoever? SAM: Empty bottles? Sure, yeah. They've taken the used bottles and put them sort of behind the bar. MARY: Great. I start filling bottles with Greep. SAM: Bottles with Greep? You're going to use your action to do this? All right. So Valerie, who still doesn't really love you behind the bar is watching you fill up bottles, but she's okay because she got a bunch of gold out of it. So she's allowing it with a sneer. The man right behind you, Xavier, really doesn't like this, but he is a ninny, so he's just like (grumbling). MARY: For my bonus action, I toss him ten gold, as well. SAM: Oh, wow! Bonus action gold toss. That's nice. While you're down there getting these bottles, why don't you roll a perception check? (whispering) I made these and I'm going to use them, fuckers! MARY: I haven't used my Tides of Chaos this time. Perception, though. 13. SAM: 13. Yeah, sure. So you see a small box that has intricate gold leafing around it. Looks out of place behind there. It's small, the size of a deck of cards or something. Oh god! You'll never see it. Okay. That's a thing that exists. Okay, next up. One, two, okay. This whore-- LIAM: Hey! You've known me for so long! SAM: She wants to help out her hooker friend and catch the old guy who's leaving, so she runs over and attacks him. Yep, that hits. I'll roll for damage. Great, where's he? Okay, so she lunges at him and hits him in the back of the head and grabs onto his pants, which pull them down. He's now naked from the waist down. And slightly injured and he says: "I'm being attacked! I'm being attacked!" Next. Remember, there is no three, because I never assigned that number. Four. Okay. The ranger has found her shit. This is the ranger right here. She has found her bow and arrow, nocked an arrow and she's going to shoot, she needs some range, so she's going to shoot at the most prominent target in the room: the cat thing on the bar, and she rolled a one. The arrow whizzes by your head (arrow impact) right into the thing behind you. No damage, no nothing. That's four, five, next. Jayne, your turn. You are currently restrained. I think you can do a strength check to try to get out of it. LIAM: I can attack normally, I just can't move anywhere. I would like to do a melee spell attack on him. So first I'm going to see if it hits then I'll tell you what it is. That is an 18. SAM: An 18? On whom? LIAM: On the guy grappling me. SAM: Oh yes, for sure. He was the Mutton Man, right? His AC is 12. You hit. LIAM: So I would like to cast Inflict Wounds at level two and rot this fucking asshole from the inside out. SAM: Oh my god. I don't know what that is but it sounds horrifying. LIAM: Yeah, it is. SAM: "Now, we're going to have some fun-- what the fuck are you doing?" LIAM: 18. Good. That is a 25 total. SAM: Okay, so with his snarling, disgusting yellow teeth, he's smiling at you as his whole head from top to bottom disintegrates into ash and falls to the floor in a pile of disgustingness. He's dead and gone. You are no longer restrained and can move at will. LIAM: I would like to use my bonus action to break the fucking Lawbearer chain off my neck and throw it over my shoulder and walk towards the door. BRIAN: Yeah, fuck that thing! SAM: Okay. No longer restrained. You're calmly walking out like you own the place. No one takes a strike against you because you're not involved in combat with them. Oh, this guy is gone! Splash one. Okay, that ends your turn. Let's see. (counting) So after Frankfurt, Holly goes. Okay, that's you, Jayne. Next is the guard who failed on his attack against you, tabaxi, the last time. So instead, he's frustrated by that, so he will attack again. Why not? He rolls a natural 20 with his longsword. d8. This is not going to be good for you. Eight. So 16 points of damage as you take a sword right in your left shin. Your leg buckles. You fall to one knee and blood starts pouring out of your furry knee. And he says, "I've got you that time!" That's his turn. We go to Clothesline, it's your turn. ASHLY: You fucking asshole! What's the worst that I can do to him on sword, please? I'm going to slash at him with my longsword. SAM: Sure, go for it. ASHLY: So that is a ten. SAM: Ooh. Because your knee is buckled, you're wobbly. Your sword strike goes errant and strikes the side of the bar, digging into it. He looks up at you and laughs again. This is an epic battle between a very lowly guard and you. ASHLY: Can I still do a bonus action? SAM: Oh, yeah, you do have a bonus action! You have, I believe, an action surge if you wanted to attack again. LIAM: You could get an extra one-time attack right now. SAM: You can just attack again. I gave her two because I like her. ASHLY: I'm going to try to do the same thing: attack with my longsword. Okay. 14? SAM: That hits. He has AC 13. ASHLY: 1d8. Is this a d8? I'm so bad at this. This, right? Okay. Eight. SAM: Okay. Yeah, he's dead. Your sword digs into his neck, getting about halfway in. He looks surprised and he falls over, limp on the ground. He's gone and dead. LIAM: I'll never learn the violin! SAM: End of him. BRIAN: You're getting hotter as this night goes on. SAM: Jesus. Frankfurt, you are up. ERIC: How can I get in contact with Gryffin? Is she gone? SAM: In contact with her? MARY: I'm fucking filling up bottles with Greep. SAM: Yeah, she's behind the bar. You can yell at her. ERIC: Hey! MARY: Frankfurt! ERIC: Yes. Apparently, I have a thing for a fine-looking noble blondes. That'd be you. SAM: You're flirting during this fight? ERIC: Yeah. MARY: Thirsty? ERIC: Yes. Greep, please. SAM: People are running around half-naked. Somehow all the sound dims. They make eye contact. It's beautiful. ERIC: I've been looking all over for you. MARY: I've been looking for you, too. ERIC: I have Holly. MARY: I know. I need her. ERIC: Okay. SAM: As you talk, Holly is walking towards the door. MARY: She's walking away from you. ERIC: How can I stop Holly? SAM: You can move. You can attack. You can grab. You can do all sorts of things. ERIC: What has her possessed to move away? SAM: You don't know. All you saw was she stood up, walked away from the table, and started walking towards the door. She paused briefly to look up at Jayne, this white-haired person. Jayne kept walking to the door, and Holly's eyes followed followed Jayne. It looks like she's watching Jayne's every move with rapt attention. LIAM: I am rather attractive. ERIC: Well, I got to do something about Jayne, then. MARY: Get Holly. ERIC: I will get Holly. SAM: You're right here, and I forget your movement, but you can at least move to Holly. 25. You can get to Holly if you'd like to. Okay, you jump over this dog, you get to Holly. A courier pigeon flies by. ERIC: I got shit in my eye! Fucking pigeon! How is there a pigeon inside of a tavern? SAM: You can grab her. You can attack someone. You can do whatever you would like to do. ERIC: Well, I will secure her. I will grab her. SAM: Okay, so roll a strength check. BRIAN: Roll a d20, Eric, and add your strength modifier. ERIC: Okay, d20? Ten. SAM: Okay. What's your strength modifier? It's four, for you, so 14. So she's going to roll. She rolls an eight plus zero. She is grappled! ERIC: You're not going anywhere! I've got a job to do. SAM: Still, her eyes seem distant, and pupils dilated, but she is unable to move any further. BRIAN: Put the ring around her, Sam. You brought it all the way here. SAM: I got multiple rings! Holly's not moving. You have a bonus action if you want to use it. You have bonus actions if you'd like. I don't know what spells you've chosen, but you do have a few spells that you can use as a bonus action. Or you can do nothing, yell to Obby. LIAM: Oh! Command only lasts one round. SAM: Well, it hasn't come back to Holly yet. LIAM: Well, I'm letting you know, that it's not going to last forever. SAM: That's good to know. BRIAN: That's bringing her towards you? LIAM: At the moment. SAM: It was your "and I walk away" that did it. ERIC: Can I Smite anyone? MARY: Does he have any more movement? SAM: It took most of his movement to get over there. It's a cramped bar; he's dodging dogs and stuff. Smite, I don't know how it works. Liam, how does Smite work? LIAM: He attacks. If he hits, he does regular damage and adds Smite damage. SAM: Oh, but this is Divine Smite you're talking about. That is after a melee hit. We're looking at a bonus action. He's used his action to grapple Holly. LIAM: Right, so he can't attack. SAM: He can't attack. If you have a bonus action spell? LIAM: He could cast Hunter's Mark. Did you cast that already? You could cast Hunter's Mark on Jayne, or anybody. SAM: Or you don't have to do anything. You can hold your spells for later, whatever you want to do. ERIC: I'm happy with grappling. SAM: Okay, good. I love your voice. ERIC: What voice? I'm just being myself. SAM: The old man who was trying to flee, he's going to attack one of the whores. He does not hit. MARY: Whores are tough. BRIAN: You leave those whores alone. SAM: It is Holly's turn. She is restrained. She doesn't know what the fuck's going on. She's still under her spell. I guess the spell is fading off now. So she shakes it off, doesn't know how she got over here. Now she's being held by a strong dwarf man. She doesn't do anything to fight that. Kingston? It's your turn. BRIAN: Am I still over by that table over there? SAM: You are still over by the table. BRIAN: And where is Frankfurt, at the moment? SAM: Frankfurt's closer to the door. He's this guy in gold right here. BRIAN: Okay, cool. I'm going to cast Hold Person on Frankfurt. SAM: Oh, shit. Wait, you're going to hold a guy who's holding a girl. This is amazing. Okay, Kingston, your spell DC is 14. Hold Person, I believe, is wisdom? So roll a d20 and add your wisdom save modifier. It's in a little box that Liam will point to you right now. LIAM: Wisdom save is this, so plus three. Natural 20! SAM: Spells are not working tonight. LIAM: Actually: thanks, Keyleth. Because those are her dice. SAM: Kingston has been drinking a lot tonight, so all of his spells when uttered come out a little bit slurry. And they don't seem to have as much power. Again, there's a little prickling in the back of your neck but nothing happens. Kingston's very frustrated. You have a bonus action and movement if you'd like it, Kingston. BRIAN: I'm going to move over where I was by the bar at the beginning. At the end of the bar. SAM: I think you can move, what, 30 feet? No one's engaging you, so you walk over and you get all the way there. BRIAN: Then that's probably good. I don't know what to do for a bonus action. SAM: You don't have to do anything. You can inspire. You can heal. BRIAN: I can't use a cantrip for a bonus action, can I? SAM: I let Mary do it. Yeah, go for it, because your spells have been sucking tonight. BRIAN: I was going to do Vicious Mockery on Frankfurt. SAM: Okay, before you move, while you're still in range of him, because I think it's 30 feet-- BRIAN: 60. SAM: 60? Then by the bar, you got to yell loud because you're across this loud bar. BRIAN: (singing) I'm so excited! And I just can't hide it! I know, I know, I know, I know I'm going to kill you! SAM: The sung words from Kingston's somewhat-drunk voice enter your ear and affect you in a way that you've never felt before. You feel bad about yourself. You feel demeaned, and you feel unsure of yourself as a dwarf in general. You take actual physical damage. BRIAN: It's 1d4 psychic damage, and you have disadvantage on the next attack roll you make before the end of your turn. SAM: So roll a d4 and add something. BRIAN: Do I add my spell-- SAM: No, just a d4. This is a damage roll we're doing. BRIAN: That's a four. SAM: Four plus what does it say on the spell? 1d4 plus something? BRIAN: Psychic damage. Yeah, 1d4 psychic damage and you take disadvantage on the next attack roll. SAM: So you take four points of damage, so you are less powerful than you were before, and you can't get the song out of your head, and it will affect your next turn. You will have to do your next turn at disadvantage, which means you will be thrown off. So take your little number there and reduce it by some points. ERIC: So 34, right? SAM: Yep, sure. Okay, that is Kingston. The half-orc is going to run over to Kingston and hit him. He heard your dulcet tones. He doesn't like them. It is an unarmed strike. He does not hit you. He whiffs. The sound confuses him, and he's too tall for you, anyway. Just goes right over your head clean. LIAM: "I have auditory issues." SAM: That's the top of the round. What do I do next? BRIAN: This is fun, Sam. Even though the spells aren't working. MARY: There's no magic working at all tonight. BRIAN: You guys can't see, but behind Sam, his hair is starting to fall out. SAM: The heat of the room and the movement of everyone around is really making the place fucking hot. So hot, in fact, that you all get the sense that if you don't remove an article of clothing soon, you may become exhausted. So there's a brief pause in the action where everyone says, "Oh my god. It's fucking hot in here!" I would need you all to either remove an article of clothing or suffer one point of exhaustion. LIAM: Oh man, the room has turned into (singing) turn down for what! ASHLY: I'm going to rip everything clean off. SAM: Everything? Well, you're a furry. You've got nothing on. So you're ripping your fur off? ASHLY: Wait, I don't have anything on? SAM: Where's your picture? Okay, you have armor. You want to take off your armor? You're going to lose AC. ASHLY: Can I take off just the pants? Can I go Donald Duck? SAM: Sure. I'm going to give you a negative one to AC. So you're down to 18. And we can see your cat lady bits. ASHLY: Are they articulated? SAM: Yeah, they're nice. BRIAN: They are some of the best in the land. MARY: #CriticalRoleFanart. SAM: Kingston, anything? BRIAN: I'll take the point of exhaustion. SAM: Oh shit! So you have disadvantage-- BRIAN: Wait, I thought it was minus one point. SAM: No, I think exhaustion is disadvantage on all ability checks. BRIAN: Well, fuck that! I'll take off my corset. What am I wearing? I'll take off my Spanx. SAM: You're going to take off your shirt, so you are now shirtless. BRIAN: Yeah, behold! This is what happens when you give up! SAM: He rips open his shirt. The buttons fly everywhere exposing a really out of shape guy. Little man boobies, love handles. BRIAN: So I'm Dan Harmon, basically. SAM: Yeah, really lopsided, too. It's not good. A writer's body. Gryffin, anything you'd like to remove? MARY: I'm ripping off my sleeves. I've got this white gown underneath the light studded armor. I rip off some sleeves. SAM: All right, so you're sleeveless now. This is strange for you, because it's an elegant gown. You rip off the sleeves and it's frayed and tattered there. You feel a little uncomfortable. Jayne? LIAM: Yeah, I rip off the cloak that I'm wearing to reveal the white porcelain doll dress and straps of white leather around the biceps and around the thighs. Yeah, I look like Courtney Love a little bit. SAM: Anything else we should know about that we see? LIAM: There are very light chain tattoos along the collarbones, disappearing down the dress. SAM: You look so good. Frankfurt, what you got? ERIC: My chainmail shirt. SAM: You're going to take it off? LIAM: Wow. ERIC: Wait. BRIAN: That's how DND works. You take off the stuff that's really heavy and metallic. ERIC: What if I shaved? SAM: You cannot shave. ERIC: It looks like I've got a-- SAM: Some sort of a tunic thing. Your options are pants or armor, we'll say. ASHLY, MARY: (chanting) Pants! Pants! ERIC: Pants! (laughter) ASHLY: You and me, Frankfurt! ERIC: I'm going to go with pants. SAM: Seeing Frankfurt's exposed wang drives Kingston into a fit of rage. He knows that was the wang that was in his wife. And he wants to hit that wang so hard. I don't know what's going on. BRIAN: Put those pants back on, you foul creature, before I come over there and do no more damage to you! SAM: Obby the Rat, who has been saving his turn for a while now and forgotten about, does not like where this is going. And so he strikes out at the first person he can get to. What's his movement? Not very much. Shoot, he can't get to anybody. LIAM: "I kick the dog." SAM: Sure, he's going to kick the dog. No, why would he kick a dog? He's going to attack someone who's in a fight. ASHLY: What about the old guy and the lady prostitutes? SAM: Yeah, he's got to get there, though. He's going to push past the prostitute and defend Holly and hit the first person he can, which is this woman right here, this fighter. 15. Oh yeah, he takes her. BRIAN: Just a quick question. No one has attacked the prostitutes yet, right? SAM: The old man has tried, but I think he failed. Okay, she's gone, he knocks her out. She's dead. All right, top of the round? Oh my god, this is so hard. LIAM: How does Matt do it, right? Every week. SAM: Okay. Gryffin, what would you like to do? MARY: So I take my sleeves, and I rip off a piece and shove one into a bottle. Are there any candles lit near me? SAM: There are candles lit near you. There are torches on the wall and a couple candles on the bar for light. MARY: So I light one of the bottles of Greep on fire, and I throw it at the kitty-kitty-kitty. SAM: She's right next to you. You wouldn't have to throw it far, you would just smash it on the bar. MARY: Smash it on the bar. Is that considered movement at that point? SAM: I would say that you would want to move back a little bit so you don't get splashed or hit. MARY: Well, I'd like to throw it at her and then run. SAM: It's an area of effect, so I'm going to treat this as like a very modified Fireball. What's your spell attack bonus? It's plus six. So roll a d20, add six. ASHLY: I really want to do the Terminator thing where I walk through the fire. MARY: 16. I'd like to use my Tides of Chaos again but I can't. SAM: Oh, you have advantage! No, you used that the last time. Let's see here, this would be a dex save. Do a dex save, catty. ASHLY: 18. SAM: So you still get burned, but you take half damage. Let's see, it's a modified thing, so I'm going to roll. That's cocked. So take five points of fire damage as the fire spreads across the bar. Let's say that it's green fire, because I have a rubber band. That guy gets hit, too. He takes one point of damage. Kingston, you take-- BRIAN: Wait, I'm at the other end. SAM: I thought you were here? BRIAN: At the start of the game I was at that end of the bar. That's okay. I might still get hit, but that's fine. I just wanted to be on that corner. LIAM: You created a combat scenario for yourself with 33 enemies. SAM: I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. Okay, good. The bar's on fire. People are running away from it, "I don't know who I am! I don't have a fully fleshed-out character!" This cat is on fire, makes your heart weep. And your fur is on fire, as well. This is bad. That was great. Anything bonus, anything other? MARY: No. I'd love to reset that Tides of Chaos. I have to roll on the table. SAM: You have to cast a spell for that, right? MARY: Once I do Tides of Chaos, you can do it-- SAM: No, I mean you have to cast something to roll on the table. Spells don't just come out of you, you have to try to cast a spell, right? I don't know how your fucking wild sorcery works. MARY: So was that my action, to drop all of that? SAM: Yes, but if you have a bonus action or something you can use? MARY: Yes, I would like to bonus action a Firebolt at kitty-kitty-kitty. SAM: Oh my god, fire is the thing today. So you automatically roll on the table. So get out your 100-sided die. This young lady is a wild sorcerer, she-- MARY: (New Jersey accent) Hey, don't fucking tell me what the fuck I am, motherfucker! All right? Hold on a second! How you people doing? You good? Look at you, little girl with your white hair. Where the fuck did that come from? Ooh, kitty-kitty-kitty, fucking pussy. How you doing? You and I need to talk later, apparently, from what I hear. I'm not sure. You got man boobs; that's kind of hot. Okay, what did I roll? I rolled an 80-fucking-six. How you doing? Hold on, just wait! SAM: She starts acting very strangely, talking in a different accent. Her whole personality shifts and magic seems to overtake her body. MARY: (New Jersey accent) What the bing-ba-da-bing-bo-boom? This is bad. I can feel it, oh! Oh! Ba-da-bing! SAM: The Diceman over there feels a sudden pain inside her belly as part of her magic has disappeared. She tried to cast a Firebolt spell on you, but instead of any fire coming out of her, nothing happens. Instead she feels slightly less magical than she was a moment ago. She has lost her highest spell slot. MARY: (New Jersey accent) I got maybe one left. I don't know. I love you people! I'll talk to you soon. Go to the Clam Broth House. They need service over there. Ba-da-bing, love you, Jersey! That's my name, too! LIAM: (New Jersey accent) Did you just make a Hoboken reference in the middle of our DND game? MARY: (New Jersey accent) It don't exist no more, bitches. LIAM: (New Jersey accent) The Clam Broth House is a huge part of my childhood, and she's right. It's not there any more. It's been gentrified. MARY: (New Jersey accent) Every fucking Mother's Day we used to go to the-- Father's Day. BRIAN: Now it's a Momofuku or whatever it was. LIAM: (New Jersey accent) Sure, yeah. When I was a kid, it was a place where drunks stumbled out of. MARY: (New Jersey accent) It was a place where freaking Sinatra used to go. SAM: The guy the no pants, the old man is dead. One of the whores just killed him with a crossbow. BRIAN: What was her name? Was it Kay? SAM: That was Kay. BRIAN: Good job, Kay. You get extra applesauce. SAM: We go to four. This other ranger now sees that the dwarves are on the move. She shoots a shot at you, Frankfurt. What's your AC? LIAM: It is 15. SAM: She does not hit you. A crossbow bolt whizzes by your body and hits this person behind you. "Hey, I wasn't even doing anything!" Let's see here. Jayne, you're up. LIAM: Oh, am I? There's still a dwarf holding the girl, right? The dwarf is holding her? SAM: The dwarf? No, Frankfurt is still holding her. She is grappled. LIAM: Frankfurt is? SAM: Yeah, Obby is standing in front of her in a defensive position. LIAM: I would like to hit that fucking dwarf's bare ass with my whip, so I'm going to make an attack. Oh, that's a natural one! (groaning) SAM: The whip crack knocks a bowl of Greep off the table. It explodes! There is fire on the floor over there. Right there. She's on fire. "I literally haven't done anything!" LIAM: Fucking fuck a duck. As a bonus action, I would like to cast Sanctuary on myself. SAM: Okay. An invisible shield comes up around Jayne, who is still right next to the door, unless you want to move. LIAM: No, I have to stay right here. Next. SAM: Okay. Val, the human bartender, will pick up her greataxe from behind the bar, and she wants you off the bar. She's going to swing. She's trying to protect her bar. Ten. What's your AC? ASHLY: An 18. SAM: You're fine. The fire confuses her. She swings wide. Clothesline, you're up. ASHLY: I'm going to fucking pounce on this motherfucker. Okay. SAM: On the bartender? ASHLY: No, on this one. This cat's claws thing. What is that? What's the deal with that? Climbing speed of 20? SAM: Oh, you can climb very well and fast. That's all. You can also slash with them. ASHLY: As part of my movement toward her, could I slash during my movement? Like a pounce? SAM: You mean to get two strikes out of it? ASHLY: Yeah. SAM: I would say that upon reaching her, you could make a slash attack, but you'd have to get to her and then past her to even touch her. ASHLY: Okay, I'm just going to move toward her, then. Hop off the bar. SAM: Okay. So you jump off the bar. You're no longer on fire or in the fire. You get right next to her. ASHLY: And I'm going to clothesline her. SAM: Sure. That's what you do. MARY: You're so repetitive! ASHLY: Hey Gryffin, are you freshly laundered clothing? Because you're about to get clotheslined! (laughter) That's a 21. SAM: Oh, that'll hit. BRIAN: Hey, guys, we do not guarantee that all the Critical Role dice roll this well. Because before you buy them, she's rolled three 20s on it. ASHLY: Five. And then she is knocked prone, right? SAM: Oh wait, if you rolled a four, she is knocked prone. MARY: Can I react to any of this? SAM: Sure. Do you have a reaction? Is that a thing that you have? LIAM: There's no reaction to getting hit in the face. SAM: No, unless by your class, can cast a reaction spell, but I don't think you can, so you're okay. ASHLY: Okay, so I do four damage. No, five damage because I rolled a one. And then, for a bonus action, oh! I should probably heal. Second wind. Regains 1d10 plus four HP. SAM: Oh, nice. Roll that d10. BRIAN: Roll that beautiful bean footage. SAM: After she clotheslines you, we see the tabaxi take a deep breath of air and now, out of the fire, suddenly she feels better than ever before. ASHLY: It says clothesline attack takes ten feet of movement. Could I have moved away? SAM: How fast is your movement total? ASHLY: 30. SAM: So it took you 20 feet to get there. You have another ten feet if you'd like to go somewhere else. ASHLY: Okay. I'll move toward Jayne and Frankfurt, that whole situation. SAM: Okay, go this way. Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me. MARY: Do I get an attack of-- SAM: No, because I think it was a part of her-- I think that's how it works. She does not get an attack of opportunity, right? LIAM: It's if somebody is running away from you. SAM: Yeah, but this is during the move, right? You ran by, clotheslined her, and keep running. So I don't think you get an attack of opportunity. LIAM: That's hazy; that's up to you. SAM: I'm going to say no. Because I got to keep it moving; there's more shit to do! Who's next? That was Jayne, Clothesline. Frankfurt, you're up. ERIC: Yes. SAM: What would you like to do, Frankie? ERIC: Is it possible to move Holly? SAM: Yeah, you're holding her. You can do whatever you want. ERIC: I want to pull her towards Gryffin. SAM: Okay. Gryffin's way across the room. Sure. What's your movement? ERIC: 25. SAM: She is not resisting. I'll say that you get full halfway there, right around where kitty-cat is. That's your movement. You can still act. Can still do something, or you could have attacked before you moved. Up to you. ERIC: I just need to talk to Gryffin. That's the point. SAM: Just talking! ERIC: How you doing? MARY: I've been better! ERIC: I'd like to heal her. Is that a possibility? SAM: Sure, yeah! Do you have a healing spell of some sort or a potion of some sort? ERIC: I believe so. SAM: Lay on Hands. You can use Lay on Hands. You have a healing pool of 20 hit points you can give in any denomination to anyone. So you can give her 20, you can give her one, you can give her four. You can do whatever you want. ERIC: What's it going to take to make you feel better? We can strike a deal. Ten. SAM: So from your 20, you now have ten left in your reserve. Gryffin heals ten. If you want to do a bonus action, or anything else? LIAM: Hunter's Mark or nothing. ERIC: Nothing. SAM: Good. That's Frankfurt. Who's left? Holly's not going to do anything. That guy is dead. We're going to go to Kingston. BRIAN: I am going to move closer to the action. Can you put me on your left side of that table with the weird onion garlic clove looking nutsack on it? Is that a candle? SAM: Yes. BRIAN: Put me there, bro. Then I'm going to cast Sleep onto Frankfurt. SAM: Shit. You guys are turning really mean. Go for it. Sleep is not a ranged attack; it's a spell save DC of 14 against what save? BRIAN: Can I target one person with it, or does it get everybody? I've never used this spell. SAM: Learn your spells! I can look it up. BRIAN: Roll 5d8. The total is how many points of creatures this spell can affect. Does that mean I get everybody with that? SAM: Roll 5d8 first. BRIAN: All eights. Just kidding. SAM: Oh, there's no save on Sleep. It just happens. LIAM: You count it up. BRIAN: 25. SAM: 25. Okay. I don't how this works because you've got more than 25 hit points. LIAM: The one with the lowest hit points gets hit first within the area of effect. MARY: How many does Holly have? SAM: The lowest hit points? LIAM: Creatures within 20 feet of a point you choose within range. Did you pick a point? SAM: He picked Frankfurt. LIAM: Are affected in ascending order of their current hit points, starting with the creature that has the lowest current hit points. Each creature affected by this spell falls unconscious until the spell ends. BRIAN: Fuck, Sam, this one's complicated. MARY: How many does Holly have? SAM: More than that, and so does Frankfurt. LIAM: So whoever's at their lowest gets hit first. Hit the dog with one hit point. SAM: Yeah, so the dog's asleep. LIAM: That's the first hit point. SAM: Tabaxi, how many hit points do you have? She's okay. MARY: What about Zarvah? BRIAN: I don't want to hit tabaxi, I want to hit Dr. Frankfurt! LIAM: Frankfurt's in the center. Viking woman. Barmaid? SAM: Yeah, so she's down. She's asleep on fire. Barmaid's asleep, for sure. And then there's not enough hit points left for him. You make all these randoms fall asleep. This guy, too. Four people pass out around Frankfurt. They are peacefully asleep. BRIAN: All right, so then for my bonus non-action, can I inspire my beautiful cat friend with a bardic inspiration? SAM: Of course you can. ASHLY: This relationship is so confusing! BRIAN: Not to me. I'm going to cast this on you, and you can add 1d6 to an attack, save. Okay. (sings) Pour me some Greep, boys, and fuck my tab. I want to go home with this sexy cat, and maybe Jayne. ASHLY: (singing) Jayne's a minor. MARY: (singing) Those rules don't apply in this world. LIAM: She's not a minor, but she is not interested. BRIAN: Yet. Wait until I put my shirt back on. SAM: That's an inspiration to you. Hearing his words of compliment inspires you. What is your inspiration die? BRIAN: You know what, man? As a bard, tell me where that is. (laughter) SAM: We'll look it up. I don't remember. It's your charisma modifier. It's probably a d8. I'm going to say a d8, because I don't know, man. You get one extra d8 on your next roll. BRIAN: Oh, wait, no. It says here that it's a d6. Yeah, cast this on another creature. That player can add 1d6 to an attack, save, or skill check. LIAM: Players are in charge of knowing their shit, except for Eric. SAM: Okay! Suddenly, without warning, without making a sound, a new mysterious figure emerges from the back room. Pushing Xavier away, he moves quickly and silently across the Ass Sailor with a speed none of you have ever witnessed. It's like the figure runs without moving his body. He floats in a beautiful sprint. As he passes by you, Gryffin, you suddenly feel even hotter than before. For an instant, he strikes fear into your heart. Roll a perception check. MARY: (gasps) Perception. That would be a 20. SAM: Oh fuck. Okay. I could whisper, but that takes too much time. You see first, as he glides past you, he is wearing pants. He looks like a normal human man except his eyes are different. They seem to glow red. It's disconcerting. Also, as you watch him run, his gait is weird. There's no this movement of his shoulder, it's just straight like he's floating, like he has no legs. And as he whizzes by you, past these sleeping people, you see the faintest flick of a tail. He runs across. Does not say a word. Does not make an attack towards you, Frankfurt. Does not even regard you. But simply removes Holly from your grasp. Roll a strength save. ERIC: With which dice? SAM: d20 plus your strength. Ability check. ERIC: Is that Garello? Excuse me! LIAM: You don't know. That's the mystery, Eric. Plus five, that's right. 23! SAM: 23? Let me look. Oh, wait. Didn't you have some sort of disadvantage? MARY: No, he tried to cast Sleep on him, but it didn't work. BRIAN: No, he got Vicious Mockery. Which means he has disadvantage on his next attack roll. SAM: We're going to put it on this. Roll again. It was a while ago; we never did it. We're doing it here. BRIAN: That wasn't his last turn. SAM: No, I know, but we haven't incorporated it. LIAM: So why are we doing it again? SAM: Did he roll with disadvantage on his last turn? BRIAN: I did it after his last turn because I roll after him in the initiative. LIAM: Jesus, it was almost the same! Oh no, that's a 12. 17. SAM: 17. Where's the Guide? Shit. 17. Nope, that's not it. Shit, too many pages! All right, I'm going to just make something up. I'm going to say that there's a brief tug-of-war. He does wrest Holly from your grasp, but you slow him down considerably and he only gets five more feet away from you. He's going this way. BRIAN: He's taking Holly with him. SAM: He's taking Holly with him, and he's making a beeline this way. BRIAN: What's that way? The door's that way. SAM: I don't know. You don't know. Gryffin, you saw this weird thing just happen. What are you going to do? MARY: Are we back up to the top of the round? SAM: Why not? Sure. MARY: All right. Oh my god. I rush over to Frankfurt. SAM: You rush over to Frankfurt? Sure. What are you doing? MARY: What the fuck is going on? ERIC: I don't know. MARY: Where's the girl? ERIC: Who was that guy? MARY: I don't know. There was a tail. He had some sort of tail. ERIC: Where are my pants? MARY: Well, it got really hot in here. And you're fine. Do you still have the hotdog buns? Because that could help keep you-- Are you all right? No? Okay, don't worry about it. Who's the girl? Tell me about her. ERIC: Look, I don't know. Her name is Holly. She lost her mother. MARY: Is she from Illyria? SAM: I love how they are having conversations through this whole fight. I love it! MARY: That's all right, we're just going. How can I help you? Is he prone, is he anything-- Is he all right? SAM: No, he's fine. Nothing happened. LIAM: This has got to be Gilmore Girls dialogue. SAM: He is naked from the waist down. ASHLY: He's feeling ashamed. MARY: I don't know what to do. SAM: Did you move over to Frankfurt? You see this dude carrying a girl running across the room. MARY: All right. So I am going-- viciously mocked. Okay! I am going to cast a cantrip of Ray of Frost on him. It's a ranged attack against a target. SAM: Roll a d20 and add six. MARY: 16. SAM: That hits. Go ahead. MARY: He gets 1d8 cold damage and his speed is reduced by ten feet until the start of my next turn. SAM: That's very useful. MARY: Yes, so 1d6. Six! 1d8, motherfucker. Five! Five damage, and he's reduced to ten feet. SAM: The cold blast hits him in the back squarely, and even though it's a minor spell, you see him react way worse than you thought it would be. He cries out with an inhuman shriek (shrieks) and seems to take even more damage than that. But he continues on, slowly now. Because his non-feet feel slower. All right, go on. He is where he is. That is Gryffin's turn. Next is-- I don't care about them. Jayne. Oh, sorry. There is a ranger who's going to shoot somebody. I don't care. I'm rolling to see who she fires at, and I rolled Jayne. Sorry, I rolled randomly. It's a plus-five, so that's eight plus five, 13. LIAM: I am 13, but until the spell ends, any creature who targets the warded creature must make a wisdom save versus 14. SAM: Okay, versus 14. She fails that. She goes to draw her bow on you. LIAM: Choose a new target or lose the attack. SAM: She chooses a new target. She chooses Clothesline. She fires, and it's a one. She's so discombobulated that she hasn't hit anything today. She sucks. Okay, now it's Jayne. LIAM: Okay, so I know that I can get within ten feet. I'm going to take my fucking white whip and whip this guy in the fucking face. BRIAN: Violence is Jayne's addiction. LIAM: Ugh, no. It's bullshit. It's eight. It's just an eight. That does not hit. SAM: The whip makes a wonderful crack, and nothing else happens. LIAM: Fuck it! Then, for a bonus action, I'm going to cast Chill Touch on both whoever this person is and Clothesline because I'm a death cleric and part of my perks is that I can cast Chill Touch on two people next to each other instead of just one. Two ghostly spectral hands fly out and latch onto both of their fucking faces. The targets must both succeed on a dexterity saving throw versus 14. ASHLY: 14. LIAM: Fuck you, Ashly Burch! ASHLY: Fuck you! You betrayed me, you piece of shit! SAM: You did it on the bad guy? LIAM: Yeah, both of them. SAM: 17. LIAM: Oh, then neither worked. ASHLY: Do I notice that this motherfucker did that to me, though? SAM: Yeah, you see a blue spectral hand reach out towards your face. It's super freaky. There's fingernails on it, and then it suddenly (gasp) faces away. It's super weird, and it emerges from Jayne. While she cast the spell, it seems that her lips go to the back a little bit, then become thinner. Her eyes narrow, and she has this skeleton look for half a second as she casts the spell and then goes back to normal. LIAM: Oh, BFFs K-I-T! BRIAN: I'm terrified. SAM: Okay, that's Jayne. Next is-- oh, you've got more? LIAM: Well, I can move back one space. That's it. SAM: Clothesline, what you got? Clothesline, what you got? ASHLY: Hey, idiots. You want this little girl? Talking to you. I'm talking to you. I'll help you. Fuck you, Jayne! I'm going to attack Jayne. SAM: Okay, go. LIAM: Sanctuary is still up. ASHLY: What does that mean? LIAM: I don't know. You don't know. SAM: Just do your attack first. ASHLY: Okay. I'm going to use my longsword, even though I'm tempted to clothesline you. So that's 18. SAM: Okay, first make a wisdom saving throw, yeah. So roll your d20. Add wisdom save. ASHLY: Seven. SAM: That's not great. So you feel the urge to maybe hit somebody else. ASHLY: I'll hit the guy taking Holly. SAM: Okay, go for it. Roll again for your attack. ASHLY: That's a 14. SAM: Again, you are so distracted by what just happened that your sword knocks over a bottle of Greep, which explodes, and this dude's now on fire. ASHLY: Okay, as long as I'm not. SAM: "I don't have a name!" Okay, that's Clothesline. Frankfurt, you're next. ERIC: I would like to attack the guy that's taking Holly. SAM: So you're going to move towards him? All right. With the speed of a Frankfurt, you move towards him, and you do something. ERIC: A pantsless Frankfurt. I would like to hit him with the maul. SAM: Go for it. ERIC: 20-sided die? SAM: Yes, please. ERIC: 18. SAM: That hits. Go ahead and roll for damage. Your maul does 2d6 plus six. LIAM: Yep, the square. The cube. Six! Plus. Roll it again. Six! SAM: 18 points of damage. Oh shit. ERIC: Take that. SAM: Whoa. My god. The man with the girl is super surprised. Oh wait. Even though you hit him with this insanely hard hit-- you connected real hard-- somehow, he shrugs it off and turns to you and sneers at you. He does take some damage, but it doesn't seem like it's as much as you thought it would be. LIAM: But you got maximum damage on that attack, which is rare. SAM: Okay. That was Frankfurt. Kingston, you're up. While this is all happening, Obby says, "Obby the Rat does not like this." And he leaves. MARY: Bye, Obby! BRIAN: Obby, goddamn. ERIC: Where you going? ASHLY: Love you, Obby. Nice to see you. BRIAN: Hey, does kidnapper guy seem hostile towards anyone else? SAM: He has not even looked at anyone else. Singularly focused on Holly, has not uttered a word, except he did turn around to look at Frankfurt when he hit him, just because he was pissed. BRIAN: Can I try Blindness on Frankfurt again? SAM: Glad you've got your priorities right. Go for it. BRIAN: Well, no one's attacking me. I don't give a shit about this kid. I don't care about the guy taking the kid, but this guy fucked my wife. MARY: You fuck my wife? BRIAN: Did you shampoo my wife? Blindness. SAM: Go ahead. So your spell DC is 14, I think. Eric, roll a d20. What's Blindness? Constitution? Or is it wisdom? BRIAN: It's going to be (singing) blinded by the light, wrapped up a like a-- constitution. SAM: Constitution. Roll a d20, add your constitution saving modifier. LIAM: Constitution. You've been rolling real well tonight, Eric. And you still are. It's a 23 total. SAM: This tickle on the back of your neck again. Nothing happens. You are blue-balling so hard for your spells. I hope you're marking these off. You don't get infinite spells. BRIAN: I am marking them off, Samuel. (whispering) Which ones have I used? I'm kidding. SAM: Any bonus actions? Anything else? Any healing? You good, Brian? BRIAN: Oh, am I still on the other side of the garlic nutsack? I would like to move to where that torch is over by the woman that's prone. SAM: You're moving away from the action. BRIAN: I would like to move away from the action to the torch and face back towards the crowd. And as my bonus action, can I cast a cantrip as my bonus action? Actually, you know what? I'm good. SAM: Great. Okay. Kidnapper guy with Holly makes his way all the way to this trapdoor-- MARY: Remember, he's only ten feet. He can only move ten feet because I Ray of Frosted him. SAM: That's if his movement is 20, which it is not. MARY: I thought it's move to ten. SAM: I thought you said it moves in half. MARY: Oh, it's reduced to ten. SAM: To ten? Shit. Well, then you are correct. So let's say five, ten, uses his action to dash, five, ten. MARY: Oh, I'm sorry. You are right. It was reduced by ten feet until the start of my next turn. SAM: Then he's fine. He makes it there in one clean dash, uses his bonus to flip open the trapdoor. Just for good measure, he touches this guy, who hasn't done anything wrong and he takes-- he's dead. Yeah. He dies. BRIAN: By what method did he kill him? SAM: He just touched him. The trapdoor is open, and he is gone, and that's where we'll take our break. LIAM: Fuck that guy! SAM: Thank you so much for playing so far, guys. We'll have more when we come back. (cheering and applause) LIAM: Just for the record, when I sat in the chair, I'd at least directed-- DMed to eight-year-olds once or twice. Sam came in blind, hot. So hot. BRIAN: Can I just say I now fully understand the Travis knee shaking feverishly under the table? I now get it. SAM: Okay. So we're going to (voice breaking) give away-- (laughter) We're going to give away this-- our good friends at CritRole. Not Wyrmwood. Our good friends at Wyrmwood have this beautiful dice thing. I don't know what it's called. It's English wych wood. It is a elm burl hero vault, and we will be giving this away to one lucky fan in the chatroom. The code word for winning this fine thing is meow, M-E-O-W, meow. Please enter. We'll announce the winner after the break. Let's keep it a quick break, guys. This is fun. (cheering) BRIAN: Eric Meowza. SAM: Yes. (sighs) Oh god. (laughter) MARY: Yay, Sam! SAM: Are we out? Come on. [break] LIAM: Clit-rota. SAM: I'm pretty sure that was on. ERIC: And we're back. SAM: And we're back! Congratulations to the winner in chat of this fantabulous Critical Role English wych elm burl hero vault from Wyrmwood Gaming. CholieAmenthys is the winner. Danoba will contact you shortly for your shipping information. Congratulations and meow. LIAM: CholieAmenthys? SAM: Yeah, CholieAmenthys. LIAM: Punchy. Pithy. SAM: So guys, when last we left, a mysterious figure, who emanated heat, had grabbed Holly, the little girl, who Frankfurt and Obby-- oh, we need music-- were transporting, tore across the bar, and went down into this trapdoor. You are all confused, looking around; there's still fights going on. What would you like to do? Go. LIAM: I'm moving towards the door immediately, the trapdoor. MARY: Instantly. I grab Frankfurt, and off we go. SAM: Okay, so you're all converging around the trap door. Kingston, are you with them? BRIAN: Yes. ASHLY: If everyone else is going to fucking do it, then yeah. LIAM: As I walk, I'm casting Shield of Faith on myself. It just boosts my AC, that's all. MARY: And I still have three bottles of Greep. SAM: Oh shit. Okay, you get to the top of the open trapdoor, and look down into darkness. ASHLY: I can see in darkness. SAM: Sure, yeah. Many of you have darkvision. It's okay, guys. ASHLY: I got really excited that I had an ability to do. BRIAN: I became Laura for a second. "Actually--" SAM: Clothesline has no pants. Both of your genitals are exposed. ASHLY: Free and clear in the wind. SAM: So who's going first? Who's going second? Are you going to talk to each other at all? You're just going to go? Are you going to hit each other? What's happening? Anyone want to go in first? LIAM: I'm going to kick the bard in the ass, and when I kick him in the ass, I'm going to cast Light on his ass as he falls down into the hole. SAM: You can cast Light on an ass? LIAM: It's anything I touch, and it's a cantrip, so his ass lights up as he falls down the hole. SAM: All right, so yes. Kingston, you fall in first. BRIAN: Am I like propeller guy in Titanic? SAM: Sure. Yep. In fact, roll an athletics check. BRIAN: Okay, thought that'd be great. All right, let's use Gil. SAM: Or acrobatics, whatever's higher for you. BRIAN: Well, you made the print so goddamn small on my character sheet. SAM: Sorry. Acrobatics is probably higher for you. BRIAN: Don't fuck me, Gil! Oh wow. Acrobatics? Let's go ahead and call that a 22. SAM: Whoa, shit. You're familiar with this tavern and all of its layout because you live here, so you land like a cat in a three-point landing at the foot of this darkened ladder/stairs. BRIAN: If you don't realize, I'm into cats. SAM: How long does Light last, by the way? LIAM: Oh, let's see how long that lasts. BRIAN: Do I feel a sensation on my bum? LIAM: One hour. So Kingston's ass is lit up. SAM: Is it concentration or anything? LIAM: No, it's a really easy spell for many of us. BRIAN: My ass is a beam of light for one hour? A beacon of light for one hour? Can I bend over and blind an enemy? SAM: If you shove your ass close to them, it would probably affect them at some point. So you are a lightning bug, and your ass is illuminating this whole space down here. Where did the figures go, Liam? LIAM: On your other side, Sam. SAM: Oh, there they are. Let's place you guys around somewhere, haphazardly. Oh god, this thing's so far. I can't do it. LIAM: I'll help. Are they here or are they here? What's our marching order, DM? SAM: There's no marching order; it's a room. LIAM: We shoved the bard down first. I'll go after him. SAM: He fell down, so he's over here, you guys can-- who wants to go next? ASHLY: Wait. I don't want this fucking thing, whatever it is, Creepy McCreeperson over here. Excuse me! You took your little icy tentacles and tried to put them on the back of my head! We need to restrain her. Something. BRIAN: As I'm falling, I sing, (singing) Let my ass lighten the way. SAM, BRIAN: (singing) To your heart. SAM: Okay, is anyone going to follow Clothesline's suggestion? ASHLY: Anybody? You want her just roaming around? MARY: My concern is for other things at the moment. ERIC: She hasn't done anything to me. BRIAN: What happened to your necklace? Wait, I couldn't talk to him, I'm falling down a tunnel with my ass made of light. SAM: You're at the bottom, and Jayne is coming down the steps right behind you. MARY: What do you see down there? LIAM: We have something to do. You can ask me lots of questions later. Let's just kill the thing and get the girl, all right? BRIAN: Do you know what this thing is? LIAM: I do not. BRIAN: Do you know who the girl is? LIAM: Sort of. BRIAN: Tell me, and I'll give you some of Gryffin's Greep. SAM: As you talk, you all make it down there slowly, filling the room. LIAM: I walk past the idiot and start walking down the hallway. BRIAN: Piece of shit. I cast Talk to Me at Once! SAM: I could pull it towards me. It's going to wreck some microphones over there. Okay. I should tell you, before you start walking, at the foot of the stairs there's a single lantern casting a dim glow, although that doesn't matter because you've got Light coming out of your ass. On the walls are graffiti, seemingly from patrons who've wandered down here. One reads, "For a good time, do not call Isabelle." Another reads, "Do you know why they call him Obby the Rat? Because his dick is the size of a rodent." And the other one says, "What do you call a pile of tabaxi? A Meowntain." BRIAN: Respect. SAM: Straight on at the bottom of the steps, a narrow corridor leading out around a slight bend, obscuring the view. To the other direction, it's a dead wall, however there is a space underneath the back of the stairway. It is dank and cold. Light frost covers the floor, because you are out of that hot bar, now. So you would like to continue down this hall? LIAM: Yeah, I'm looking as carefully as I can into the next space. I will peer for enemies or the people we're following or anything. SAM: Okay. This curves this way and leads to a door. The corridor proceeds around to the left. As you proceed through it, Clothesline has to bend a little to make it through. Frankfurt feels roomy. It ends with a simple wooden door and a rusty knob. Are you still in the same marching order? Kingston first or Kingston second? LIAM: I call down over my shoulder and say: hey, ass kicker! SAM: That's you. LIAM: No, it's not. Clothesline, get up here. BRIAN: I'm ass flicker. ASHLY: Fuck you! I don't follow your orders. You tried to kill me! MARY: I want to investigate what's under the stairs. ASHLY: I don't even know why I'm still here! SAM: So nobody is going with you right now, Jayne. You're in front of a door. Gryffin, can you roll an investigation check? LIAM: And I'm going to do my best to see if there's any kind of trap on the door I'm looking at. MARY: 18. SAM: 18. Yes. All right. There is a false wall here that opens up into another corridor that leads this way. Let me see how I described it. Yes. Okay. It empties out into a wider room, and I'm going to do this. All right, so what would you like to do? MARY: Can I check to see if there's any trace of footprints or anything? SAM: Sure, roll a perception check. MARY: (winces) I'm not going to waste that though. Ten. SAM: Ten? That's what you needed. So there is frost everywhere. It's super cold down here, because we're underground in a cellar area, and it's winter. Yeah, now you're also getting cold. BRIAN: I don't have a fucking shirt on! MARY: Your nipples are rock-hard. BRIAN: Good thing they're pierced. SAM: Gryffin, you notice that there's less frost on the floor under the stairs and through this hallway than on the rest of the downstairs area. MARY: Are there any footprints that I can see? SAM: There are no footprints. If anything it's just a straight line. You also notice something else: two things, actually. Would you like the one on the left or the one on the right? MARY: Left, please. SAM: Left? Read that out loud. MARY: Oh, there's a fucking snake on the left! Oops, a fucking snake just bit me. I take one point damage and I make a constitution save versus ten. ASHLY: It literally says "a fucking snake" by the way. MARY: Constitution, which, okay. Ten. SAM: That saves. You're fine. Just one point of damage. MARY: Goddamn it! And I step on the fucking snake. SAM: It's dead. Would you like the thing on the right? MARY: Yes. Another fucking snake. Whoa! I will take that. SAM: Okay. Do you proceed into this room or do you hang out? MARY: I turn around and I say: kitty-kitty, there seems to be another room down here and it seems to me that the frost is dissipating a bit on the floor. What do you think we should do? There's no sign of footprints, but I don't know that there were footprints on the other way. Jayne, do you see footprints? Besides your own, of course. LIAM: I'm looking at the door in front of me and seeing if I can see anything hinky with it. SAM: Sure. Make an investigation check. LIAM: Natural 20. SAM: The door is not locked and not trapped. LIAM: Well, I'm going to go inside. SAM: You're so freaky. It's a rather long room with boxes everywhere. Seems to be some sort of storage area. In the middle is a table with potions and beakers on it. A closet over here. It is not lit at all. Let's see what I said about it. A single lantern glows near the door, casting dark shadows everywhere. Stacked boxes all around. Weirdly, the smell of cabbage permeates the air. In the center of the room, a wooden table resembling a crude chemistry lab. Beakers and vials are arranged. A whiff of something strange hits you. It stings your nose like gasoline. Would you like to look around? LIAM: I would first like to cast Light again, because it's a cantrip, I can do it as many times as I want, and that means the bard's ass goes out and I'll say that the grip of my whip lights up and I hold it upside down. SAM: That's so cool. So you've got a white whip that's lit up. MARY: So it's finally useful, is it? LIAM: You're not there. MARY: That was Zahra showing up for a moment. LIAM: You said there were potions on the table that I see now. SAM: You can investigate that, yeah. ASHLY: Is it possible for me at some point to try to grapple her? SAM: To grapple Jayne? If you want to walk down the hall, you can try. LIAM: I've entered the room and I want to inspect the potions you said there were on the table? SAM: Okay, roll an investigation check. ASHLY: Can I move toward the room? SAM: Sure. ASHLY: And try to grapple Jayne? LIAM: Ten. SAM: Okay, ten is what you needed. Upon further inspection, you use your light to reveal the labels on the jugs. Someone has been mixing liquor down here. After a minute of study, you figure out that the house alcohol, Greep, is made right here, and the formula is remarkably basic. It is four parts standard rice wine, one part balsamic vinegar, one part simple syrup, and one part pure kerosene. Everyone who has drank it has been drinking kerosene the whole night. LIAM: I jot that down on a scrap of paper and put it away, because I am a businesswoman, as well. SAM: That's it. That's all you find, currently. LIAM: Okay. I will start back and find the catwoman in the doorway. SAM: Okay. Catwoman, what would you like to do? ASHLY: Hi, Jayne. And I would like to grapple her by the neck and hold her aloft. MARY: Oh hi, Jayne. SAM: How's Sanctuary going? Still on? LIAM: It's up to you. If ten minutes have passed since I cast it? SAM: It has not been ten minutes. So you'll have to make a wisdom saving throw against 14. ASHLY: Shit. Well, she's not very smart so she would try. Natural 20. LIAM: That's the third one for Burch! SAM: So sadly, that does not mean that you grapple. That means that you have the fortitude to attempt to grapple. ASHLY: It'd be really sad if it fails right now. I got a nine. Is there anything I could apply to it? SAM: Yeah, strength, and you're pretty strong. ASHLY: So it's 12. SAM: Wait, three? Your strength is three? No, it's not. ASHLY: Plus three modifier? SAM: Really? I thought you were stronger than that. ASHLY: Wait, or is it this one? Saving throw? SAM: No, you're right. LIAM: And I have to roll versus it. So you got a what total? SAM: 12. LIAM: That's a big four. (laughter) BRIAN: I'm still so used to Liam rolling and then going: 196. LIAM: The big thing tonight is I'm like: luck-- no. Phantom limb syndrome. SAM: Okay, so you are grappled and restrained. You both can't move or anything, unless you want to try to drag her somewhere. ASHLY: I want to be like: what the fuck, man? You brought me here. I'm doing you a favor. Why did you try to fucking kill me? LIAM: (strained) It was probably a bad idea. ASHLY: Bad idea, yeah. So? How are you going to make it up to me? LIAM: (strained) I think you need to kill me later. I think we need to survive this basement. ASHLY: I don't give a fuck about this girl or anything going on with you, so if you don't want to die right now, or have me leave and fucking feed you to these dogs-- LIAM: We're talking a long time. Can I cast a spell? SAM: Sure, yeah. LIAM: I would like to cast Inflict Wounds at second level. Make a melee spell attack against a creature you reach. Okay. She's done. That is a 19 plus six. That is a 25. SAM: What does this spell do? LIAM: This is Inflict Wounds. Make a melee spell attack against a creature you can reach. On a hit, the target takes 3d10 necrotic damage. Except I'm doing it at second level, so it's 4d10. And so my hand just grips her forearm and death filters through it. Ten. 19. 29. ASHLY, MARY: (singing) I have three hit points, just three hit points. I am about to die. SAM: That was beautiful. And sad. LIAM: Not even the bard. ASHLY: You know what? SAM: All right, so you are released, Jayne, from her grapple. ASHLY: Whatever you want to do is fine. That was fine. Everything is fine. What do you need, buddy? BRIAN: Can I do something? Since we're all in the same area. Am I standing next to Frankfurt? ERIC: Ah, Jesus! It's freezing down here. ASHLY: I have two hit points left! I'm bad at math. I have two hit points left. So am I knocked out? LIAM: No, you're awake, you motherfucker! SAM: You are feeling really shitty right now. BRIAN: Wait! Did she do the 1d6 to her attack for the bardic inspiration that I gave you? MARY: She hasn't used it yet. LIAM: That's water under the bridge, Brain. BRIAN: Fuck the bridge! MARY: Use it next time for something! BRIAN: Okay. Can I force myself to throw up Greep onto him? It says I have a candle, can I then light that candle and light Frankfurt on fire because I threw Greep up on to him? SAM: I mean, you can certainly make an attempt. MARY: That's 3,000 actions. LIAM: Gagging your ass and then lighting a candle seems like possibly three actions. BRIAN: Have you ever had someone with a gnome bard-sized penis steal your wife from you? SAM: So many times. Go ahead and make a constitution saving throw to see if you can make yourself throw up. LIAM: DND is all about negotiation. BRIAN: Constitution saving. We're going to go with a 12-- or no, 11. SAM: You stick your fingers down your throat to throw up, but it doesn't work. You gag and dry heave for a while, and nothing comes up, unfortunately. BRIAN: So a typical night at the tavern. MARY: All right, you two, would you stop it for the moment? Seriously. We have a mission here, or at least you and I have a mission and I do not want to-- Look, Kingston, I love your work, I really do and I realize that you're a fantastic writer and everything else, but there are other things to do right now. There is a room underneath the stairs. Shall we check it out? It gets increasingly warmer, it seems. BRIAN: Are the elderly whores in there? MARY: Yes! They most certainly are. BRIAN: Let's go. MARY: (whispering) Frankfurt, come with me and we'll get to her. Yes. SAM: Who's going down there? You three? ERIC: Yeah. MARY: The others split up and go rogue. Whoa! SAM: As you walk in, you see that the walls of this part of the tunnel are rough as if they had been clawed out of the rocks. It's very cold; you can see your breath as you enter. It's also pitch black because light is gone. Those of you with darkvision can faintly see that this tunnel-- I'm going to skip that part, in the interest of time. That this tunnel continues into darkness for a wide oval anteroom. It's a bit oddly shaped to be a storage room; it's about 20 feet wide with a 15 foot coved ceiling. BRIAN: My ass is an hour? SAM: When he cast Light, it went out. MARY: Oh. Can I cast Light? SAM: Sure, if you would like to? Okay. Things look nice and bright in here. Four evenly spaced pillars are holding up the ceiling, each with intricate, beautiful carvings. At the other side of the room is a single large door. The door seems to be made of heavy forged iron, with carefully inlaid bronze details: images of fire and lizard tongues. Who would like to do anything or walk around or enter? What do you want to do? LIAM: While they're thinking about it, can I talk to the cat? SAM: Sure, go ahead. LIAM: I'm not a very nice person. ASHLY: (strained) I'm gathering that. LIAM: Yes. I am a servant of the Chained Oblivion, and I want everything destroyed. And I know that doesn't sync up with your motivation. That's rough. But I could kill you now. ASHLY: Sure, yeah. LIAM: Or you could come with me and help me get this girl. And then maybe you'll make your way out of it. Maybe you'll survive. I'm going to give you a chance because I think you're worth more to me alive now than dead. And if you're very nice and don't argue, I'll even make you feel a little better. What do you say? ASHLY: That sounds great. It's cool. I'm good. We're good. Yeah. LIAM: Clothesline, I'm not a nice person. ASHLY: I get it! I got it from the time when you almost killed me, yeah. I got it. I'm good. LIAM: I facepalm her and cast Cure Wounds. That is-- I'll tell you. That is eight hit points back for you. Hooray, eight, hey! ASHLY: Hey, ugh. (coughs) I would say thanks, but I'm not going to argue. What do you need? LIAM: You can try to kill me later. I want the little red-haired girl, you understand? ASHLY: Yeah. Red-haired girl. Got it. Got it, boss. LIAM: Come on. SAM: So you join the others? LIAM: I'll follow her. SAM: All right. So who is looking around the room, doing something? MARY: Can we check for traps? SAM: Sure. Make an investigation check. What are you checking for traps? MARY, SAM: The floor. BRIAN: You said there was shit written on the pillar? Can I see if I recognize any of the symbols on the pillar? SAM: Sure. What languages do you speak? BRIAN: I speak Common, Elven, Halfling, Valley Girl. SAM: What was your check, Mary? MARY: 18. And I speak Elvish, Abysmal and Common. SAM: Abyssal. You're looking at the floor specifically? Okay. Brian, can you roll an investigation check? Okay, so Mary, looking on the floor you do not see any tiles or anything. It is smooth, like poured cement. Seemingly no traps on the floor. Glancing about the room, though, as you step in and sort of use your light to look around-- you rolled an 18, you said? You see cobwebs and grime and dust all over the place. It's not a very used room. But on the ceiling you do notice faint symbols covered in years of cobwebs and grime. Brian, what did you roll? BRIAN: Was it an investigation? 18. SAM: Okay. So you cannot read any writing on these-- you're investigating the pillars? You can't read any writing on them, but it's okay because there's not really any. BRIAN: Do I recognize the symbols? SAM: There are symbols of serpents carved up and down on these pillars, way nicer than they need to be, and you can see from your excellent investigation skill that the eyes of the serpents have a faint glow of magic in them. They are definitely trapped. BRIAN: We got some weird snake shit going on over here, guys. I don't want to touch it, but I would like it if one of you did. MARY: I was bitten by a snake on the way in, so I would recommend not touching any of the snakes. BRIAN: Maybe you're immune now that it bit you and you could just go touch it and press one of the eyes and maybe it won't do anything to you. I recommend trying all the eyes. MARY: It would make such a good story, though, in your book if you did it, Kingston. BRIAN: Oh, I know, but if it goes bad, who will be around to write the book? Surely a fan such as yourself would be dedicated enough to-- MARY: Did you always write your books or did you have a ghostwriter? BRIAN: Oh, I didn't have a ghostwriter. Are you kidding me? The pain that I went through. I was able to pull from so many different places. ASHLY: Could I also do a perception check? Do I see the symbols on the ceiling? SAM: Not yet, not until you roll. ASHLY: That is a 19. SAM: You definitely see the symbols on the ceiling. They're all over the place, many of them. They appear to be writing in Common. They appear to be numbers. Lots and lots of numbers. Also, glancing about the room you've entered now, behind this pillar back here you find something. Heads or tails? ASHLY: Oh! Tails. Because I'm a cat! SAM: Here you go. All right, so that is something you find. MARY: How high is the ceiling? SAM: The ceiling is whatever I said before: 25 foot coved ceiling. 25 feet high. And it's covered with numbers. They're all hard to make out because it's dusty. MARY: Numbers, huh? I have a feeling we're going to have to touch one of those. ASHLY: Is anyone good with numbers? I'm not great with numbers. BRIAN: And I'm drunk. SAM: Okay. From the other side of the door you hear a girl scream. MARY: At the end? SAM: Yes. MARY: Oh balls. All right. BRIAN: That end? Oh shit. ASHLY: Hey creepy girl! Are you good with numbers? LIAM: No, but I have other skills. I would like to cast Command on the dwarf. He has to make a wisdom saving throw. So roll the d20 plus three. ERIC: Are you allowed to do this? Is he allowed to do this? SAM: Sure, he can do whatever he wants. You can also hit him over the head if you want. LIAM: Not until after this spell is done. ERIC: 13! LIAM: Aw, 13? Plus three is 16. He beat it! Damn! He beat it! Spell burned! BRIAN: Now you know how I felt all night, Liam Oberon. ERIC: You know, Jayne, I couldn't help but overhear. You were talking down the hall, and these caverns echo. Did I not hear you say that you may or may not be associated with the Chained Oblivion? LIAM: Was he anywhere near me when I had that private conversation? SAM: The caverns do carry audio. Why don't you roll a perception check? A retroactive perception check to see if you could hear that? ERIC: A straight roll. LIAM: Roll high. Catch me out, because I'm terrible. That's a two. ERIC: Two! Fuck! SAM: You heard him say, "Jayne's a mailman." ERIC: Got to clean my ears. SAM: But something about Jayne has been bugging you a lot. Me too, really. If we're going to be honest. ERIC: I've got my eye on you, Jayne. SAM: So is this where you guys are standing? Where are you? MARY: Yep! That's where you put us. BRIAN: I might be leaning against something, because I'm a little tipsy. MARY: I would like to move towards the door. BRIAN: Yeah, I'll go with her. ASHLY: So there is a door there? SAM: That's a door. BRIAN: Then there's a girl screaming on the other side of that door. LIAM: Jayne places her hand on Clothesline's shoulder and says: wait. No, I didn't leave that hallway. Whenever she would have walked forward I would have said, wait. SAM: Oh, so she's back here? But she found an object over there. So she's definitely there? LIAM: It's up to you if you wanted to. ASHLY: I will do what you say. SAM: You can tell her to go back or you can tell her to wait there, but she's already there. LIAM: Come. SAM: Come where? LIAM: No, I'm at that tunnel entrance. I never entered. SAM: Okay, got it. So you're calling her back? Great. And Frankie? ERIC: I'm going to stay right there. SAM: Great. So you take four points of poison damage as this pillar shoots out a bit of poison. You're standing near it, unfortunately. ERIC: Look, I just want to be close to the action. SAM: Cool. You guys kind of get the sense that the longer you stay in here the more shit's going to start happening. Anyone want to look at the door? MARY: I would like to look at the door. SAM: Okay, make an investigation check. MARY: Oh, Tides of Chaos. That's better. Not really. 18. 16! SAM: Great. The door is not trapped. However, it has a lock on it. A padlock. A curiously made padlock. Where is it? MARY: Are there numbers on the padlock? SAM: There are numbers on the padlock, and you can definitely sense that the padlock is magically enchanted. And here it is! LIAM: Oh shit! MARY: What are the numbers on the padlock? SAM: Who wants to look where? LIAM: I'm looking at the ceiling. SAM: Okay, you're looking at the ceiling. LIAM: You said there are a lot of numbers up there? SAM: Tons of numbers. 29, seven, 65, 44, ten, nine, four-- LIAM: And there's nothing different about any of them? SAM: Yes there are. They are all in different colors. Some are red, some are green, some are yellow, some are gold, some are orange. MARY: Can you see if there are numbers, like four numbers on the ceiling that are the same color? LIAM: What color is the lock? SAM: The lock is a basic gray. However, the slot where you line up the correct numbers has a faint color on it. The first two are orange. The second two are green. MARY: Okay, so I'm looking at the padlock. Because you're up at the ceiling and I'm at the door, right? Two orange, two green. What do you see up top? LIAM: An Irish flag. MARY: All right. Which numbers are orange, which numbers are green up on the ceiling? SAM: Can you make a perception check? It's really grimy up there. LIAM: That is a 17 for me. SAM: You definitely get a bead on the orange numbers. Grab your pencil. There's many orange numbers. They're all across the top of the ceiling. They are six, one, eight, seven, two, one, eight, two, four, nine, two, seven, one, zero. LIAM: You're a terrible person. ASHLY: Can I use this item about this? SAM: What is this item? Is it the earring? It can tell you something about a person or a creature, but not about a room. ASHLY: Okay. LIAM: Were those the orange numbers? SAM: Those were the orange numbers. MARY: What are the green numbers? SAM: Make another perception check. LIAM: I got a 14. SAM: You can make out many of them. You get the sense that if you got closer, somehow, you could see more. LIAM: How's the bard doing? SAM: The bard? LIAM: The bard! SAM: I don't know how he's doing. LIAM: I see him staring up, as well. How are you doing, darling? BRIAN: Fine. I'm wondering the endgame. I might go back upstairs. But I want to see-- LIAM: Can you read the numbers on the ceiling? BRIAN: Yeah, let me try. Oh wait, I did. Oh, perception. I did investigation. ASHLY: I rolled a 16 for perception. SAM: Okay, so fine. While Kingston is fiddling with his wingle-- BRIAN: 20. SAM: 20?! You both see the green numbers very clearly through the grime, dust, and cobwebs are one, five, four, nine, eight, one, four, one, three, two, zero. LIAM: Keep going. SAM: Now, I wait. (laughter) MARY: There are three less green numbers than there are orange, and we've got two and two on the padlock, two orange and two green. First two numbers add to six and six. Motherfucker. I was promised no math. BRIAN: Promised no math. ASHLY: There's four pillars in the room, but I assume it's not relevant. MARY: There's only three, right? Is the one pillar still standing, or did it explode after hitting us? LIAM: There's four pillars. One of them poofed out poison. ERIC: It was rough. SAM: Sorry, guys. On the other side of the door, you hear a low (snarling). MARY: Oh, fuck. All right. BRIAN: Did that sound like a cat to anyone else? MARY: No, that sounded like a lizard or something. LIAM: And the lock looks like what over there? MARY: It's like a big padlock. BRIAN: Is there anything I can see on the lock? Tell me about the lock. SAM: Sure. Make an investigation check. BRIAN: 18. SAM: 18. That's great, yeah. It is specifically designed in a way that-- it's a fragile thing. I wouldn't try to hit it, because it has a trigger mechanism that could fire something if struck. It's got a pressure pad on it. ASHLY: That's what I was going to do. MARY: Can we see any of the numbers on the walls? Is there anything else on the walls? SAM: No numbers on the walls. MARY: There's nothing on the floor. ASHLY: How many snakes are on the pillars? SAM: Let me do the math. BRIAN: There's no numbers on the pillars, correct? Just symbols? LIAM: Sam's given us a MENSA challenge, and we all die here. MARY: We come back four years later. All right, so the numbers again? Six, one, eight-- LIAM: Seven months without an episode break. SAM: On one pillar, there's one snake. On the next, there's three. On the next, there's two. On the next, there's six. ERIC: Say that again. SAM: One, three, two, six. BRIAN: That's on the pillars? Both, or all four? SAM: This one has one, this one has three, this one has two, this one has six. BRIAN: Does the padlock have four numbers to open it? SAM: Four numbers. Two orange, two green. BRIAN: How do we try them? LIAM: The numbers on the pillars are not any color, are they? SAM: No. ASHLY: I wonder if there's a penalty for trying them. You could try it on this if you want to. BRIAN: Could I try it on this? Okay. I'm just going to fucking just because I know this fucker. This is very hard to turn. It needs some WD-40, Sam. SAM: Sorry. BRIAN: It's okay. LIAM: You're so brave, Kingston. You should try as many combinations as possible. Even if it burns you somehow, you should keep trying. BRIAN: Is it top to bottom or bottom to top to open this? SAM: Top to bottom. BRIAN: Shit. Fuck. Someone do something else while I do this. ASHLY: While he's doing that, Sam, I'm going to use this Earring of Piercing Knowledge and try to find out if there are any weaknesses that Jayne has. SAM: She gets to know one fact about you. What she has just used is a magical-- what is it called? ASHLY: Earring of Piercing Knowledge. SAM: You have to pierce your ear with it. Little trickle of blood comes down, and now she knows one fact about you, and she's chosen to know your weaknesses. LIAM: My weaknesses? I don't know what those are. I could tell her many things. SAM: Well, how about your-- let's see here. LIAM: I will tell you lots of things in the interest of not slowing down this episode. You learn that I'm very weak and easily hit. You learn that I am almost out of spells. And you have learned that I am part of four generations of women that have served the Chained Oblivion, which is a god that everyone has heard of. And the Chained Oblivion wants to destroy everything and I am fucking crazy, just like my mother. SAM: Make a perception check. Or investigation check, whatever's higher. MARY: Investigation. 14. SAM: Upon looking at the numbers up top, especially the orange ones, you start to realize there's spaces between them. It's six, 18, seven, 21, eight, 24, nine, 27, ten. There are spaces in between. MARY: Those are the orange numbers. SAM: Come on, guys, it's basic arithmetic. ASHLY: We all had a little bit of Greep. I can't even remember what it's called now. MARY, ASHLY: Greep. LIAM: What's after the eight? 24? SAM: 24. LIAM: Nine. The fuck is this, Sam? ASHLY: I'm sure the chat's like, "It's this! It's this!" SAM: Oh, they are absolutely. MARY: The chat's going, "Why can't you figure it out?!" BRIAN: Are we in any imminent danger? SAM: As you say that, one of the pillars explodes. These guys, Mary and Brian, you each take five points of poison damage. LIAM: I see a pattern, but I don't know what it leads to. ASHLY: 24, nine. LIAM: Assholes. ASHLY: What? LIAM: Six is one-third of 18. Seven is one-third of 21. Eight is one-third of 24. Nine is one-third of 27. Ten. What's the ten? Ten is different than the rest. I don't know if that means ten is important, but it's different than the rest. Ten. SAM: Say that all again, Liam? LIAM: Six is one-third of 18. Seven is one-third of 21. Eight is one-third of 24. Nine is one-third of 27. Ten is one-third of-- there's nothing there. BRIAN: What is ten one-third of? LIAM: 30. BRIAN: So try-- well, there's four numbers, though. SAM: Those numbers that you're looking at are orange. The first two slots on the lock are orange. BRIAN: So we need to find the two numbers that are green now. SAM: Make a perception check. BRIAN: (groans) This isn't going well for me. MARY: That's a five. BRAIN: Perception? 18. SAM: There are also spaces between these numbers. BRIAN: Nope. 13. Your writing's too small. SAM: One. BRIAN: Is that an eight or a three? LIAM: Why did you have to bring math into it, you shit? SAM: Yeah, I know, right? Four. I can't really write upside down. LIAM: You're doing it. MARY, SAM: Nine. Eight. MARY: 14. SAM: Correct. 14. MARY, SAM: 13, 20. LIAM: Shit, what is that? BRIAN: Well, there's even and odd numbers mixed up in there. MARY: One plus four is five. Four plus five is nine. Eight plus six is 14? 13 plus seven is 20. That's all I know. That's all the math I got. So you got four, five, six, seven-- in a row. I don't know what that is, Liam. ASHLY: This is not my forte. I'm just pulling shit-- MARY: So one plus four is five. Four plus five is nine. Eight plus six is 14 and three plus seven is 20. I don't know what that means. SAM: So what's next? MARY, ASHLY: Oh! LIAM: There are so many math majors watching right now who are so mad at us. MARY: Why are you so stupid, Rose? You're so stupid. LIAM: But Eric can sound like Chris Rock so-- SAM: Let's hear it, Eric. ERIC: What's the deal with math? It wasn't a math quiz show. BRIAN: So 30. the first two numbers were the last-- MARY: 14, 30! 20-- Wait. Okay, so you subtract one from five, you get four. Subtract one from nine, you get eight. Subtract one from 13, you get 20. Subtract-- BRIAN: 19! So 3-0-1-9 or 1-9-3-0? Would be the two options. SAM: What you got, Mary? MARY: 30 was the first and 19 was the second, but that ain't right. SAM: Look at the slot. Look at the slot on the side. That's where the numbers go. (laughter) MARY: 30 and 19. BRIAN: Or 1-9-3-0. SAM: The lock is broken. The door is open; you are in. This doesn't work! BRIAN: You used Sharpie! LIAM: Can we get a wet rag flown in? You are getting beat up behind the studio tonight. SAM: I love it. I'll do it over here; it's fine. MARY: Does that work? Oh yeah. We just need a wet rag. We need a wet rag, it's all good. BRIAN: I got it! MARY: You got it. You have no idea how difficult math was. Math! No math, ever. Sam, you have a brain for it. We don't. We've been drinking since Tuesday. SAM: Okay. Who's going in? MARY: I am. Because I was right there by the fucking door and in a celebratory moment of getting the padlock open, I fall to my death. SAM: Who's going in? MARY: I'm going in. SAM: You're going in. Where'd you go? Oh, over here. Okay. Just you, right? MARY: Well, Brian might go too because he was right next to me. LIAM: I mean, his character's dumb as fuck. I think he might be going in. MARY: Okay. Kingston LaForge! SAM: Mary, this is what you see. The room is similar in size and shape to the anteroom with a coved ceiling held up by four spectacular carved pillars. Two side pathways go to the right and left of the room. I didn't remember that part, but whatever. On the far side of the room is a circular portal glowing gold and emanating a low hum and even though you are far from the warmth of the tavern this room throbs with heat, as if you were walking through a recently used oven. At the foot of the portal, you see that man. Jesus, I lost him. MARY: Where's that man? SAM: I lost him. There he is. Boom. Holding a struggling child. She screams in pain. There are scratch marks above her eye and a steady trickle of blood is pouring down half her face. The man sees you enter and says, "It seems we all want this youngling. I'm sorry, surface creatures, I saw her first. She's needed below." And you notice that behind him a large, glowing portal opens up, iris is open ever so slightly. It's pulsing, it's not open enough for a person to walk in, but it's getting close. What would you like to do? MARY: I wanted to do a bonus action. I want to use a couple of sorcery points to get another 1st-level spell because I lost one because of my wild magic. Hello, everybody, there seems to be our girl with the guy who's awful and he's-- come here now! We need to help because otherwise he will leave. There's a portal that's opening! SAM: The man dashes to you. He gets right there and he attacks. He rolled a one. He misses, but he gets another attack. That's a 20. That hits. MARY: Yeah. SAM: Let me roll. Ooh. It's going to be bad. ASHLY: He's still rolling! SAM: Roll a dexterity saving throw. MARY: I have good dexterity. 20. SAM: Great. As he attacks, his human form drops away and you see a salamander standing before you. He's a large, ferocious lizard creature with a body of red and orange scales, hard to see clearly because the intense heat they throw off blurs the air around them. His head and neck are more humanoid, with smoke seeping out of his eyes and ears. He has a streak of black that runs from one eye all the way up and over his scalp. He's so hot, it's as if he's made of fire. He holds a long black iron spear in one claw and a ten-foot-long tail snaps behind him. His slimy black tongue darts out, testing the air, smelling you. You have just been dealt 15 points of fire damage. MARY: Fire's my element. Does that mean it's halved? SAM: I don't know, man. You know you. Are you resistant to fire? MARY: I'm resistant to fire. SAM: Then you only take seven points of fire damage. You are not grappled. It is your turn, Mary. MARY: The Ray of Frost seemed to work so well. BRIAN: Did we roll initiative? SAM: You're not in the fucking room. MARY: It's just me and him. BRIAN: Oh! I see. Sorry, I was getting you your Wet Nap. SAM: You guys are letting Mary take it. MARY: It seems to be, Mr. Salamander, that you are fire, fire, fire, so I'm going to come at you with frost, frost, frost which is the only thing I bloody have. Oh, wait. I'm going to use Chromatic Orb of cold against salamander. SAM: Go to that table. MARY: I'm going to roll on the fucking table. (New Jersey accent) Boom! All right, so I did just get back from the Clam Broth House. They had some beautiful trout. They had some beautiful fucking trout that day. You know what I'm saying? They had trout. It was gorgeous. It was beautiful. LIAM: (New Jersey accent) You know what you got to do? You got to fucking attack. MARY: (New Jersey accent) Oh my god. What is that? I think that's a fucking nine. SAM: Nine. Oh shit. LIAM: (New Jersey accent) I would like to use my bonus action to drop a deuce. MARY: (New Jersey accent) Isn't this beautiful? Hey, motherfucking salamander! How you fucking doing? You good today? You good? Your tongue smells like shit, like a bad pastrami that I had once back at the Millburn Deli. What I'm going to tell you right now. I rolled a fucking nine. You, 60 feet, are going to become poisoned. SAM: Yeah. He is poisoned now. I really don't know how poison works, but I assume he takes poison damage. LIAM: Disadvantage on his shit. I love high fantasy, by the way. MARY: (New Jersey accent) Millburn Deli, you're going to like a sloppy joe. What you want to do is get it with a little extra mayo, you got to go extra sloppy with this shit. It'll counteract the poison. Too bad we're not there right now. You're going to fucking be poisoned. How you doing? Boom, bitches! SAM: He does not like that very much. He also doesn't like the accent. He thinks it's uncouth. I'm looking for poison. Bear with me. Okay, poisoned creature has disadvantages on attack rolls and ability checks. Holy shit! That's amazing! MARY: And he's poisoned for-- SAM: Well, it'll be more than an hour, so it's fine. That's great. Well, he's about to attack you again-- MARY: For four hours, he's poisoned. SAM: Great. Anyone else doing anything? BRIAN: I would like to come into the room. LIAM: I start pushing the cat, and start moving towards the room. MARY: Push the cat towards the room. ASHLY: Oh great, it's a salamander now. Awesome. Perfect. LIAM: And I would like to try to get within ten feet of the salamander, so behind the sorcerer. SAM: All right, I'll say they flank them. You're behind the sorcerer. LIAM: And I would like to attack, if no one else is going to jump on it. SAM: Well, roll for initiative. Let's get an initiative order. LIAM: Yeah. ASHLY: Eight. SAM: Okay, 20 to 25? MARY: Do you add anything to initiative? SAM: Yes, it'll say on your character sheet. You're plus three to initiative. MARY: I am? 19. SAM: Okay. Gryf. LIAM: 17. SAM: 17 Jayne, who else, 15 to 20? Anyone 15 to 20? Ten to 15? BRIAN: 11. SAM: Who else? ERIC: Seven. ASHLY: I'm an eight. ERIC: Didn't roll high that time. SAM: Frank is eight? No-- ASHLY: I'm eight. SAM: Clothesline's eight. Frank's seven. Okay. Salamander gets to go first. I don't know how to do this for him. MARY: It's okay. Just wing it, it's the secret to adulthood. LIAM: None of it's real. SAM: All right, he's going to use his spear to attack the bard to his right. That is a big old 22. BRIAN: That hits. SAM: Yeah, sorry, friend. 15 damage. You get pierced by this super sharp spear, and it hurts real bad. And also, when he withdraws it from your body, you suffer another two points of fire damage, because it's super-heated; it's almost molten iron, it's so fucking hot. 15 plus two, and he gets to attack again. He's going to go to the cat. Ooh, that's a 19 plus a lot. With his tail, he whips it around-- ASHLY: This might be the end of Clothesline. SAM: That is a ten. ASHLY: That is how many hit points I have. SAM: You are unconscious. ASHLY: See ya! SAM: I don't know how all that works, but you're unconscious. LIAM: On her next turn, she makes a death saving throw. So she's just unconscious. She could be brought back, if anybody gives a fuck. SAM: And on its movement, it will leave. You get an attack of opportunity on it, both of you. LIAM: Oh, it's running? SAM: Yes, it's going (hisses). LIAM: It's within ten feet of my range with the whip, so I do, too. SAM: All right, so make three attacks against this thing. Kingston, you go first. BRIAN: I would like to-- SAM: Are you a lore bard? I think you are. I think you get to cast a spell on retreat. BRIAN: I am, man. I will cast a-- SAM: If you want. Or you can use a fucking sword or whatever. BRIAN: I am going to have to cast Thunderwave at this bitch. SAM: Okay, go ahead. That is just a spell, right? It's not ranged. BRIAN: On a failed save, a creature takes 2d8 thunder damage. SAM: Sure, what is the save? BRIAN: The save is going to be a 14. SAM: 14. Oh, he makes the save, but he takes half damage, so instead of 2d8 it's 1d8? BRIAN: Sure, man. MARY: He's still poisoned. What does that mean? LIAM: Disadvantage on everything. SAM: Oh shit! I didn't roll disadvantage on those attacks! ASHLY: It's all right. I'm taking a cat nap; it's fine. BRIAN: That's not going to work. That's an eight. SAM: Great. Actually, roll 2d8, and then take half of that. BRIAN: Okay. That's also an eight. SAM: Great, so it's eight. Did he make his save? He made his save, so he's not knocked prone, but he does take eight points of damage. Good job, guys! That's thunder damage, yeah? Okay. Great. BRIAN: As a bonus action, can I cast a spell? SAM: No. You get that on retreat. Mary, it's your turn. MARY: I get an attack, yeah? So I'm going to cast a 1st-level Chromatic Orb. SAM: You don't get to cast spells, I believe. You can only do a melee hit if someone is running away from you. MARY: All right, then I'm going to pull out my shortbow, and I'm going to (bowstring pings). SAM: All right, roll an attack, plus whatever. MARY: That was terrible. Just a straight attack? SAM: Nope, it's d20 plus-- what is it? Is this a finesse weapon? I don't know how bows work. Here, it says plus three. Plus three. MARY: Oh, plus three. Eight. SAM: That goes wide, and it almost hits the girl. Whip master? What've you got? LIAM: With how things are going, and where I am right now, I'm just going to cast Chill Touch, which has a range of 120 feet. SAM: Can you cast a spell on retreat? LIAM: Retreat? SAM: He's moving away from you; it's not your turn. LIAM: Oh, it's not my turn? SAM: No, this is your attack of opportunity. LIAM: Oh, if he ran, no, that would be the whip, as soon as he ran. So that's just an attack. That hits. That's an 18 plus some stuff. Okay, so that's just 1d4 plus two, so that is a two plus two is four, and I'm going to Channel Divinity and fill that with death. So that will be a total of more than four. One second, please. SAM: Less than three? LIAM: Hold on. That's an 18 damage, as it runs. 18 total, as it runs. It was a four from the whip, and then 14 necrotic damage because I'm fucking insane. And the Chained Oblivion's wrath fills this fucking asshole. SAM: Ooh, nice. He does not like that. It is now Gryffin's turn; that was just his turn in retreat. MARY: All right, I'm going to then cast Chromatic Orb. Cold. SAM: Okay, he's hiding behind a pillar; he has half cover. LIAM: Half cover, so at disadvantage. MARY: Half cover. SAM: You can move to see him. LIAM: So you can go on a diagonal, and then you can see him straight on. MARY: I'm going to go on a diagonal. Diagon Alley. And I am going to cast Chromatic Orb, with cold. SAM: All right, spell DC? Right? Or is it a ranged? MARY: It's a hurl. I've got to hurl. SAM: Ranged attack. Okay, so roll a d20 add six? MARY: 24? SAM: Yep, that hits, for sure. So now roll 3d8. MARY: Right. 3d8, because I cast it at 1st-level. What are d8s? Oh my god. I got you, bro. One, two, I'll just-- Five and four is nine, plus seven-- 16. SAM: 16 points of damage, doubled to 32, is a big hit. Great. MARY: Feel the chill, motherfucker! Oh, another salamander's coming. SAM: Just then-- LIAM: Elizabeth Warren runs in! MARY: What?! SAM: I don't have her. Fuck it. Just then, an old lady runs in the room. She has a hoof print on her face. She's bloody, she is pissed off, her arm is broken, she runs in and says, "Where's the bitch that ran me over with a horse?" Great. Jayne, it's your turn. (laughter) LIAM: Well, it wasn't me. Shit. MARY: So he's not bloodied, he's not nothing? SAM: Oh, he's looking rough. Oh yeah, salamander is looking rough. LIAM: As a cantrip, I'm going to cast Chill Touch on the salamander. Ranged spell attack. All right. I want to use this one. Oh, that's terrible! That is an eight. SAM: Yeah, it hits the pillar in front of him. LIAM: So a ghostly hand grabs the pillar and nothing happens. SAM: Absolutely. Ricochets off. LIAM: That was an action. SAM: Now you have to solve another lock riddle. You can move; you can do a bonus action. LIAM: Yes, I'm going to move. I'll move myself. Five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30. I'm just going to be right there. SAM: Okay, Kingston, you're up. Do something. BRIAN: For my action, I will cast Cure Wounds on myself, because I am so low. SAM: On yourself. There's a dead person next to you, it's all good, but sure. Yeah, go ahead. LIAM: To the home audience: choose the Luck feat. BRIAN: You know what? Oh yeah, she is unconscious. Where is she? SAM: Here. BRIAN: Oh yeah, okay. You know what? LIAM: Whoa, she's unconscious? SAM: Yeah, you can retroactively bonus action, sure. LIAM: I can? Oh, good. Instead, while everyone's focused on the salamander, I'm going to loop the whip around, and yank, and twist her neck. SAM: In an instant, you feel the life drain out of you. LIAM: That's two death saves, is what that is. ASHLY: I only clotheslined people so I could feel human warmth! SAM: Even though you are unconscious, you still feel shitty. BRIAN: Wait, but he does that before I can change my mind about healing-- LIAM: And on her turn, she has to make a death save. If she fails it, she's a goner. SAM: Sure, but now it's Brian's turn, and he gets to decide what to do. BRIAN: All right, well now that it's my turn, and we definitely haven't decided what I'm going to do with it yet, I'm going to cast Cure Wounds on... Clothesline. 1d8 plus my spellcasting modifier. SAM: You're using this as a bonus action? BRIAN: No, my regular-ass action. Because I'm fine. SAM: It is a bonus action. You can also use a real spell. BRIAN: Wait, I just asked that earlier, and you said no! SAM: What are you talking about? BRIAN: I asked if I could use a spell on my bonus action, and you said no. SAM: You said if you could use a cantrip. BRIAN: I asked if I could use a cantrip? SAM: That's a level one spell. BRIAN: I don't have bonus actions as a wizard, yet, so I'm confused. Okay, so for my action, I will-- fuck. I'm going to do Vicious Mockery at Frank Grillo. SAM: Okay, go ahead. LIAM: At who? Frank Grillo? MARY: Who's Frank Grillo? ERIC: I'm Frank Grillo. BRIAN: That's 1d4 of psychic damage. SAM: Sure, I've got to make a save. BRIAN: Yeah, you have to make a fucking wisdom save. SAM: Wisdom save? BRIAN: Yes, wisdom save. SAM: Okay. I do not make it. 2d8. Go ahead. BRIAN: Oh, yeah? Oh. SAM: Wait, what is this? This is Vicious Mockery. BRIAN: It's 1d4. I was gone for a minute, but I'm back now. Sit the fuck back down. Seem like everyday nowaday Hollywood-- Three. SAM: Okay. Of psychic damage? And he has disadvantage on his next attack, which he already had. So great. BRIAN: I'mma show these motherfuckers how to act now. SAM: Okay, you also get your bonus action, which you can use to heal-- BRIAN: My bonus action will be to cure my beloved. SAM: How would you like to talk to her to cure her? BRIAN: I have to talk to her to cure her? SAM: It's Healing Word, you have to say a word of healing. BRAIN: Oh, Cure Wounds? SAM: Cure Wounds? Okay, that is a real spell; that takes an action. It's okay, just do Healing Word, bud. BRIAN: Oh fuck, yeah. Okay. Healing Word is-- SAM: 1d4 plus something, four, maybe? BRIAN: (singing) I love Greep. I love cat people. What the hell am I doing here? That's a two. SAM: Great, you've got two hit points; you're alive. BRIAN: Sorry it's not more, but hopefully it's enough to get us maybe a date, later? SAM: Kingston just saved you. Clothesline, you are alive. It is your turn. She's prone. ASHLY: I'm prone? What can I do, then? LIAM: You can get up. It's half your movement, but you can fuck me up, still. ASHLY: I can get up? Then I am going to clothesline that motherfucker there. SAM: Great. Roll an attack? LIAM: I haven't lost a hit point this entire game. ASHLY: Natural 20! (cheering) SAM: That certainly hits. Roll 1d4 plus four? ASHLY: Come on, baby. Three plus four is seven. SAM: Double it. 14. LIAM: No, the dice are doubled. SAM: It's ten. It's ten. And you're not knocked prone. ASHLY: Did I take my second action surge? SAM: No. Do it. ASHLY: I'm going to clothesline you again! A natural 20! (cheering) LIAM: What the fuck is that? Get out of this building! MARY: Buy this die. You can sell this die for millions. SAM: So Clothesline turns around, delivers a right-armed clothesline to you. It hurts. She kisses her bicep, uses the other arm. Left-arm clothesline on you. ASHLY: Give me a four, baby, give me a four. A four! SAM: A four! ASHLY: And you're prone, motherfucker. LIAM: Do the Leonidas handshake with me; that was amazing. SAM: That's 22 total points of damage, and you are prone. The double clothesline. LIAM: In addition to the last attack? SAM: No, that's total. 22 total. MARY: So what did you say right before she rolled? You had taken no hit points? Say it again out loud. ASHLY: Yeah, say it, please. LIAM: No hit points, to all the hit points. ASHLY: All of your hit points? LIAM: No, not all. ASHLY: Damn it. Wait, he gave me the 1d6-- SAM: Oh, that wouldn't be useful here, anyway. Do that on a save. Eric, it is your turn. What do you want to do? ERIC: I mean, my knowledge of his association with Chain of Oblivion. SAM: Sure. When Jayne falls, you see very clearly the symbol of the Chained Oblivion, and the tattoos under her skin, clearly exposed now that she's lying on the floor, white skin revealed. She's definitely a servant of the Chained Oblivion, whom you are sworn to kill. ERIC: You know, it's my first time playing. But it clearly states that you raided my village, and I have sworn an oath to seek revenge on the cult, or anyone associated with the cult of the Chained Oblivion, so I would like to continue the attack on Jayne. LIAM: Only the best people are in the cult. You'd be surprised. ERIC: And I choose to do so with my maul. SAM: Yes, please. Two-handed strike, go for it. Roll for an attack. LIAM: Not great, but hold on. Five plus six is 11. I'm sorry, that does not hit. I'm so sorry. ERIC: Man, I just revealed my hand. SAM: Hold on, let me just look at you, see if you have any extra things-- BRIAN: My ex-wife said you didn't know how to use them. MARY: Apparently, he knew how to use other things. SAM: Okay, you know what? BRIAN: His dwarven hammer, perhaps. SAM: If you wanted to-- LIAM: This salamander is like, "Look at these assholes fighting amongst themselves!" SAM: I'm just going to suggest to you that we're late in the night; you might have used Vow of Enmity as a bonus action to give you an advantage on this attack, so you could roll again. ERIC: I did write it down and circle it. LIAM: So you could cast it on me, which you would do, as a paladin who hates the Chained Oblivion. So roll again; if you do better, you hit me. ERIC: I will cast my bowels of Enmity. SAM: You've shat on the floor. It's an angry poop. ERIC: I would like to use my Imodium AD and come right in. Five again! MARY: It was meant to be. You convinced him to use it, is the thing. SAM: Blinded by your hatred of the Chained Oblivion, you can't seem to make contact with your maul, and instead you swipe to the left, hitting the old lady in the face. Killing her. Again. ERIC: Problem solved, guys. MARY: Sorry, random newcomer. SAM: That's Frank's turn. We're onto the salamander, who is going to use half his movement to attack Gryffin. Rolls an eight plus seven. 15? MARY: Nope. SAM: Okay. Second attack. That hits, that's a 20-something. Okay. Eight plus four. 12. Oh boy. Plus seven. Okay, so it's 12 bludgeoning damage and seven fire damage. MARY: The fire is halved. SAM: Okay, so 12 plus two then, right? 14? Roll a dexterity saving throw to see if you're grappled. You know what, it doesn't matter; he's not going to grapple you. He's moving. The portal is fully open. He grabs Holly, he puts one leg in. That's as far as he can get. LIAM: He's got no legs. SAM: I'm sorry. It's one penis in. He walks on 100 penises. He's like a centipede-- he's like a centipene. It is Gryffin's turn. MARY: I take out my Wand of Entanglement, and I whip it at motherfucking salamander. SAM: I don't know what that is. What does he do? MARY: I entangle him. SAM: Automatically? MARY: Yeah, I don't know. It's fun, isn't it? SAM: It's the Entangle spell. MARY: It's the Entangle spell, and I have a wand that does it-- SAM: I might have written this on your card. Hold on, let me look. MARY: I hope so, because it's going to take me a second to find it. SAM: Here it is. 20 foot square versus strength. 14 save. He makes his save. You still get a bonus action. MARY: Okay, well my bonus would be-- are you allowing the cantrips as a bonus? SAM: Sure, man. Go for it. MARY: Ray of Frost. SAM: Yep, do it. BRIAN: Maybe a little dinner and some laser pointer? ASHLY: Okay, don't push it. MARY: 22. SAM: He looks back at you and says, "Fuck you, you can't catch me," and you hit him square in the face. Roll for damage. MARY: Yes, I fucking can. SAM: 1d8 cold. MARY: 1d8 cold. Five. SAM: Five. He has ten hit points left, but cold damage is doubled. How do you want to-- (cheering) How do you want to kill this? MARY: From my hand, comes a spear that hits him square in the jaw, as he-- what did he say? SAM: "Fuck you. You can't fucking catch me!" MARY: And at that moment, it goes (impact). Well, you figure it out. SAM: Yeah, not only does it bisect his tongue, it splits his head open all the way back to the back of his neck, protruding out the back. When it goes behind him, your cold spear-- it's a cold spear? Enters the portal and instantly melts, because it's so fucking hot in there. His head splits in half, and he falls to the side, next to a frazzled and crazed Holly, who is looking at this with open eyes; she hasn't said a word. BRIAN: Holly's going to need some therapy after this. MARY: Holly! Holly, we're here, don't worry, it's all right. Move towards me. Get away from that thing. LIAM: Wait, before we move forward, I know that I'm after Gryffin. Yes. So because that is so, I would like to attack the tabaxi with my whip, now. MARY: He's just got a thing for your love. BRIAN: She's not doing anything to her that I think is worthy of this. LIAM: That is a 13 to hit? ASHLY: 18 armor class, my friend. LIAM: Fuck. Okay, I'm going to start to run. One, two, three, four, five, six. Okay? SAM: Okay, good. As the defeated salamander lies motionless on the floor, there's a brief moment of calm. You look around the room. Just moments ago, you were strangers, but at the Ass Sailor, anything is possible. The girl, Holly, finally speaks. She steps forward and says, "Thank you, kind souls. I know not why you have rescued me, but my people will be grateful, and you will be rewarded handsomely for your goodness. I can sense that many of you do not trust each other." ASHLY: Can I run after Liam? LIAM: Six seconds have passed. One, two, three, four, five, six. SAM: "Please, don't leave, Clothesline. I'm not done with my speech." MARY: Jayne's running like Tom fucking Cruise. SAM: She casts Hold Person on you. ASHLY: Goddamn it. SAM: On Clothesline. "I ask you, as one caring creature to another, to put aside your differences and marvel in what you have accomplished here together, as more than strangers, as friends. I must leave now, but you will see me again. And as I leave you, I suggest you remember these words of advice: snitches get stitches. If you talk to the police, try not to tell them too much, for all our sakes." And with that, she poof, disappears. And suddenly, in the back of the room, holding Jayne in his arms, a gruff man constable and ten armed guards beside him enter the room and say, "Freeze! All of you, hold it right there, you fuckwads. We caught your little albino freak trying to run away. You five made quite the fucking mess upstairs, you know that? Dead hookers, burned up old ladies, some guy talking about a fucking rat. It's going to take days to mop this shit up, and you're going to help me figure out what the shit happened. That's right: you're all under arrest. Boys, bring them down to the station; I'm going to interrogate every single one of them until they talk, and talk they will." As the police take you into custody, marching you back up through the ruined bar, you notice Valerie, the bartender, frazzled, removing her apron, letting out a big sigh, mounting her horse for the long, cold ride home. The end. (cheering) I'm spent. LIAM: Takes a lot of concentration, yeah? SAM: Oh my god. MARY: Sam, that was amazing! SAM: That's hard, dudes. MARY: I loved the interrogation mid-way through. That was so cool. LIAM: Ashly, we all lived, so it's like we're all winners, right? ASHLY: Is that really what it's like, Liam? Is that what it's like? BRIAN: How many did you have left, two? I had seven. MARY: I was 12. LIAM: I kept trying to take away those two hit points for so long! MARY: Eric's like, "I got full strength, I got full power." ERIC: Play neutral, that's how I play it. In any game. SAM: What items did you find and not use? The Snuff Box of Jump? MARY: The Snuff Box of Jump was pretty cool. SAM: Yeah, you snort coke and get Jump. You also didn't find the super weird porno book or the jug of nasty grease. MARY: When would I have used the Scroll of Feather Fall, though? SAM: Oh, that was something that you guys didn't go to. LIAM: If I could have rolled a critical hit one time, like you did three times, I could have one-hit killed any of you. Any of you. SAM: Yeah, he has this special whip that if people get weak enough, you die. MARY: So I thought it was like a Finger of Death, I wasn't sure; it seemed to be very Fingery of Deathy. SAM: Sort of. Oh, it was fingery all right. ERIC: Who was Garello? SAM: Oh, Garello was a.k.a. Sal the Salamander. MARY: Yes! I killed Garello! SAM: You were being paid to transport this girl here to them, you don't know who was paying him. ERIC: So it would've been bad if I had found Garello. SAM: Yes, it would've been bad if you'd found him. He would've taken the girl, and taken her back to his land to do some untold badness to her. BRIAN: Man, magic did not work well tonight. MARY: Magic, it didn't work in the first half. It worked better in the basement than it did upstairs. Once I'd figured out-- the first thing that I hit him with was frost, and that was upstairs, and I was like oh, he totally, English football (squeals). And I was like, oh, okay. SAM: Guys, this was so much fun. I hope it was fun for you. A big silent hand for Brian Foster, Mary Elizabeth McGlynn, Ashly Burch, Liam O'Brien, and Eric Bauza. ASHLY: And to Sam Riegel! SAM: Thanks, guys. I'm going to go home and sleep, and then I'll see you in the morning. LIAM: Thank you to Matthew Mercer, who does this week after week after week. MARY: Eric, how do you feel? First time playing. ERIC: Pretty good, I called so many of my friends that actually do play for advice, and one of them, Graham Lunam, who I said I'd call out-- because he's a huge fan, he's a Canadian, watching probably right now-- he's been texting me, saying I've been doing a good job. But I would totally come back again, but thank you for having me. SAM: No, thank you for getting dressed up for the occasion. ERIC: I kept the AC going in the Uber, but of course I've got to cover my Olive Garden shift. BRIAN: I'd like to thank my attorney, Eric Bauza, for coming tonight to play with us. SAM: Have a good night, everyone. Check us out on Tuesday for Talks Machina; we'll be talking about the game and stuff. Congrats again to CholieAmenthys for winning the thing, and-- what do I say now? MARY: Yay, you say yay, Sam. SAM: And now, is it Thursday yet? Goodnight, everyone. [music]	Bar Room Blitz One-Shot	https://www.kryogenix.org/crsearch/html/cr1-115.03.html

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