protected static function _getStaticCacheDir() {
        $config = Zend_Registry::get('config');
        if (!isset($config->resources->cacheManager->page->backend->options->public_dir)) {
            return false;
        }
        return $config->resources->cacheManager->page->backend->options->public_dir;

        /**
         * Cache dir used to be read from the Front controller, which I would prefer under normal
         * circumstances. But the front controller is not bootstrapped in CLI environment, so I've
         * refactored to read from cache. I'm leaving this for future me to think about some more
         *
         * (full disclaimer: I'm probably never going to think about it anymore)
         *
        $front = Zend_Controller_Front::getInstance();
        if (!$front->getParam('bootstrap')
            || !$front->getParam('bootstrap')->getResource('cachemanager')) {
            Garp_Cli::errorOut('no bootstrap or whatever');
            return false;
        }
        $cacheManager = $front->getParam('bootstrap')->getResource('cachemanager');
        $cache = $cacheManager->getCache(Zend_Cache_Manager::PAGECACHE);
        $cacheDir = $cache->getBackend()->getOption('public_dir');
        return $cacheDir;
         */
    }