public static function bulkInsert(array $batch)
    {
        $table = new static();

        if (1 === sizeof($batch)) {
            return $table->insert(array_shift($batch));
        }

        $adapter    = $table->getAdapter();
        $counter    = 0;
        $sqlBinds   = [];
        $values     = [];

        //
        // Do some voodoo here...
        foreach ($batch as $i => $row) {
            $placeholders = [];

            foreach ($row as $column => $value) {
                ++$counter;

                if ($adapter->supportsParameters('positional')) {
                    $placeholders[] = '?';
                    $values[]       = $value;
                } elseif ($adapter->supportsParameters('named')) {
                    $name           = ":col{$i}{$counter}";
                    $placeholders[] = $name;
                    $values[$name]  = $value;
                } else {
                    throw new Zend_Db_Adapter_Exception(sprintf(
                            '%s doesn\'t support positional or named binding',
                            get_class($table)
                        ));
                }
            }

            //
            // and more blacky magic over here...
            $sqlBinds[] = '(' . implode(',', $placeholders) . ')';
        }

        //
        // extract column names...
        $columns = array_keys($row);

        //
        // and quoteIdentifier() them.
        array_walk($columns, function (&$index) use ($adapter) {
                $index = $adapter->quoteIdentifier($index, true);
            });

        //
        // Shit, shit, shit! F U ZF.
        $spec = $adapter->quoteIdentifier(
                ($table->_schema ? "{$table->_schema}." : '') . $table->_name
            );

        //
        // Build the SQL using the placeholders...
        $sql = sprintf(
                'INSERT INTO %s (%s) VALUES %s',
                $spec,                  // fully table name
                implode(',', $columns), // column names
                implode(',', $sqlBinds) // placeholders
            );

        // Ready?
        $stmt = $adapter->prepare($sql);

        //
        // Fight!
        $stmt->execute($values);

        //
        // aaaaaaand voilá!
        return $stmt->rowCount();
    }