Question: I find myself using these words *all the time*. 

Now (<-- there's one!), to be clear the context I'm using them is in conversational style writing, on social commentary, or in forum posts like these. It's not formal academic writing, and it's not story telling. (In a fictional story, these words would be perfectly appropriate if used by a character). 

Here's an example where I've used it recently:

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> Point four, I think it is realistic that people would have this interpretation. **So** on this point I'll just stress that this blog post is not intended to be malicious or make anyone feel bad. It's more an interesting exploration of social interaction and how best react and navigate it. 
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My question is - is this actually an effective writing style, in the sense of being easy to read and persuasive, and if not, how do I get around it?

Answer: 
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> My question is - is this actually an effective writing style, in the sense of being easy to read and persuasive, and if not, how do I get around it?
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> 
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Regarding ease of reading, it's a wash. These types of words can add a friendly tone but they also make the text less concise.

Regarding persuasion, they reduce the effectiveness. That's because at best they are noise and at worst they are read as qualifiers. Qualifiers push text and speech in a "softer" direction where they allow more interpretation and are less assertive. More blatant qualifiers (e.g., "in most cases" or "ideally") can come across as signals of dishonesty.

While it might seem that softening your point is a way to gently invite the reader to consider your view, it's better to actually present a nuanced viewpoint with assertive, affirmative language than it is to weaken the statement of a more basic viewpoint.

Overall, conciseness shows respect for the reader's time. In expository writing, it's almost always more effective. In fiction, there are reasons to add what might otherwise seem to be "noise", with the caveat that you can still risk losing the reader's attention and excitement.

You get around it by simply reviewing what you've written and deleting all such words and phrases. Keep cutting until you can't remove a word without taking away from the core statement you are making.
Dialog in writing is not the same as dialog in writing between two people. Usually the dialog is shorter. However, it is possible that to convey a specific character's attitude "filler" words like "so" can and should be used. I am sure that there are other reasons.

However, I find myself using them much too often in dialog and go back and delete them. Even for a character that uses filler words, I use them much less than they would be used in real life. I try to have only one character in a dialog use such words.

We are writers, and words are our tools. Each word should have an importance in our writing or it can be removed. Just be sure that the fillers that you use add to the writing rather than distract from it. This is very subjective.