Question: I (male) recently started a very corporate job. I'm a recent grad so I'm younger than most of my coworkers, most of which are married/have kids. I get along pretty well with all of them.

There is another recent hire, also a recent grad, who is the exception to this. He hasn't said anything hostile or derisive to me, but his behavior specifically toward me is kind of *cold*.

He gets perceptibly annoyed when I try to join group conversations in which he is involved. He never asks for any elaboration when I tell stories (but he does when others regale him). He seems to avoid asking me for help when he goes around asking some coworkers when he's stuck, even on things he knows me to be good at.

I haven't the slightest idea what I've done to make him act this way toward me. I want to ask him to find out, but I don't want to exacerbate the tension. I think it would be a little melodramatic to approach my boss about this.

**How can I bring this up with my coworker?**

Answer: 
You must be aware that you cannot change this behaviour towards you. It is for this other colleague to change because you are already doing everything that you can to make things better. Plainly it appears that this colleague is not behaving appropriately towards you, and also it is evident that it is worrying for you and matters a lot to you.

The only thing that you can do is stay in each offensive moment with yourself and in this way overcome your perceptions about them. It may be that you will discover that some of this is self afflicted, but in either case if it stops mattering to you - the other person will give up being unpleasant eventually, because they will see that there is no reaction from you. Steer yourself towards the co-workers that share their time with you equally and normally. It is your feelings, the feelings of apprehension, of doubt and of confidence that have to change in order for this to stop mattering to you or worrying you. Free yourself of these feelings even if they run deep within you - and do not try to repair things by over reacting.
Your coworker's behavior sounds hurtful. Unfortunately, you will encounter many coworkers over the course of your career that will be standoffish or cold in their interactions with you. This is not necessarily because of anything that you did to them. It could be for a variety of reasons: they are not interested in making friends at work, they are narcissistic, they feel threatened by your presence, or yes, possibly because there is something about you that they don't like, among other reasons. While this is challenging, there is nothing that you can do to prevent it.

In your time at work, you will need to establish boundaries with your coworkers that may be different from the boundaries that you establish in social settings. However, just like in a social setting, spend time with coworkers that make you feel positive and confident, even if they are older than you. When you have to interact with him, keep the conversational professional. If you find that your office requires a lot of social interaction (for example, your team eats lunch together every day), and you are required to interact with him in this setting, then consider asking him questions about himself in order to get to know him better. However, it is generally advisable to avoid talking about very personal or contentious topics with your coworkers unless you have been working with them for a long time, and they have become your "real" friends.

At work, your first priority is to do the best that you can in executing your tasks. If you minimize your social interactions with him, maintain a professional demeanor, and complete your tasks well, then you can build a positive "coworker" relationship with him, even if the two of you are not compatible as "real" friends.

And yes, if this coworker is exhibiting hostile behavior towards you, rather than just a cold demeanor, document it to the best of your ability. This is very useful if you feel that you do need to escalate.