Question: I work with a group of developers in a company having about 1000 employees. 
A transgender person who identifies herself as a woman has joined our team. 

* She gets upset when we use masculine pronouns (such as "he") to address her, which we obviously do out of habit.
* She also insists on using the ladies toilet, which makes our female coworker uncomfortable.

Taking this to HR is extremely delicate, as they might think we just don't like LGBT people. While we don't want to discriminate against a transgender person, her needs cause issues for us. 

How should we handle this situation?

Answer: 
If a person changes their name from "Jake" to "Richard" then they expect to be called "Richard" from then on. If you insist on calling this person "Jake" because he's just "a Jake pretending to be a Richard" then that would be considered quite rude.

You may not understand the reasons for the name change or think they're silly, but it's their name. Not yours. You don't *need* to understand it.

Of course, few people will get angry if you accidentally call them "Jake" out of habit, especially not if you appear to be making an effort in calling them "Richard", but the language of your original posts (before it was edited) suggests you're not making much of an effort: you use "he" consistently, and you say this is "a man who pretends to be a woman".

I'll be clear, I don't fully understand transgender people either, but that doesn't mean I won't accept them as the person they are. Sometimes you just need to shrug it off.

Clearly there is already an adversarial situation. My suggestion would be for you and your team to take a deep breath, accept that this person is different from you in ways you don't understand (or even like), and simply use "her" consistently. It's the polite and professional thing to do.

It would also help if you would actually talk to this person – possible with someone from HR present – about how *she* feels about this. It can be easy to forget other people's emotions when you're involved in a conflict.

As for the other issues (bathroom, "unnatural chitchat"), talk to her. Talk to HR. Find a solution you can both live with.
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First, you should try your best to **address this person with the pronouns they prefer**. I know that this may be hard, especially for people that are not used to working with LGBTX people.

Now, regarding the bathroom, I think that this is something that has to be sorted out with management or HR, as you and your coworkers are not in a position to determine how company members should use the bathroom. 

The ideal thing would be to have a **gender-neutral bathroom**, so this person can use it freely and comfortably. But, in case you don't have one, I feel that this situation *has* to be taken to HR or someone in position of deciding these things. 

No need to *"be perceived as discriminatory"*, as this is a valid concern. This situation has to be phrased something like *"We need to define the use of our bathrooms for any gender identity"* so it is not perceived that way.