# embedding_metadata

key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. Loving someone who
doesn’t respect or treat you well can be enormously difficult and painful. 
Many people who find themselves in an emotionally hurtful
relationship say that it was wonderful when it first started, but that over
time their partner’s behaviors changed and they became emotionally or
physically abusive. 
I want to say right away that it is not your fault in any
way if someone is abusive to you. It does not mean that you are broken or that there
is something wrong with your character if you have not left the situation.
People stay for many reasons, such as fear, finances, children, pressure from
others, and love. 
Many people have had to leave their abusive partners who
they still love to preserve their own safety and regain the sense of self they
may have lost. It is a very difficult thing to do, even if you know it is the
right thing. 
The person who really needs to take a hard look at
themselves is the person doing the abusing.
It is very common for mental and emotional abuse to wear
away at someone’s self-esteem. This can lead to other problems, like depression
and anxiety. These issues sometimes require professional support to manage,
such as a counselor or perhaps a doctor who may prescribe medication. 
A counselor may be able to help you sort through your fears
and concerns about staying or leaving. To look at things from different angles,
and to help you decide what is best for you. 
You have not said that your husband has been physically abusive
to you, but if that has been the case, then you must consider your physical
safety first. Leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time.
Getting help from professionals would be critical, and I would recommend your
local domestic violence program. 
Whatever you decide to do is the right thing for you. I
would encourage you to ask yourself honestly about your reasons for staying and
the barriers that may keep you from going. You do deserve to be happy and
emotionally safe. If you do not feel like you have that safety, then seeking
someone to help you sort through these things is a good plan. 
I wish you well.
Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC 
 


key: response
string_value:
First of all, where did you find the pills? Did you have to go into her private space or things to find them? If so, you might want to do some research on codependency. I recommend the book "The Everything Guide to Codependency." You can find it here: https://www.amazon.ca/The-Everything-Guide-Codependency-codependent/dp/1440573905 . It's not honest to go searching through someone's things. You dislike the deceit in her, so why model it in yourself?If the pills were just left out, that's a different story. Again though, model honesty. Talk to about what you found. Avoid being accusitory. A good old "I found these...what's going on with this?" might be a good place to start. Tell her how it makes you feel. Have you ever heard of "I statements?" Google this....you will find a lot of good templates on how to frame this conversation. At the end of the day though, these are her choices. Not yours. All you can do is tell her how you feel, make a few gentle suggestions, and get back to taking care of you. If it gets to the point where seeing her downward spiral is too much for you, let her know this and tell her you can no longer be involved, for the sake of your own health and sanity. There is nothing wrong with trying to help, but ask yourself, are you really being helpful? If you are starting to feel resentful, know that you have crossed the line into codependency and back away.Hope this helps and all the best,Aleisha


key: response
string_value:
Forgiveness takes time. You know what you did, and by the sounds of it you are not impressed with yourself. In my mind, this is a sign that you are a good person. You recognize that you did something that crossed your own moral code. You could have just done this thing and not felt anything - but you do feel. And that is OK. It's not supposed to feel good when you do something wrong.Be patient with yourself. These things can take time. I suspect that you will be one of those people who slowly let go of their shame and guilt. The trick is to feel the pain but to not ignore/detach from the life that you are living right now. Don't deprive yourself of the opportunity to feel joy again. 


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. Being bisexual can be particularly
difficult because it is often misunderstood, even by people who are “supposed”
to be part of your own community, such as lesbians and gays. It happens so
often that there is actually a term for it – 
bi-erasure. This is simply something that happens when people deny that
bisexuality is a real thing, or discriminate against bisexuals due to beliefs
like your parents seem to have. 
The unfortunate truth is that you can never
be sure of how you parents may take this kind of information. It sounds
promising that they are accepting of other sexual orientations, and it may
simply be that your parents lack education about bisexuality. With accurate
information, they may come around, but there is no way to be sure. 
Some of my colleagues have already given you good information. Here are some more things that you can consider
and questions you can ask yourself before making the decision to tell them:
 
1.      If they don’t respond the way you want them to, have you developed a support
system to support you through it? This is very important. The truth is that all
the friends in the world won’t prevent pain or sadness if your parents don’t
respond as you hope, but they will at least be there to remind you that you ARE
okay as you are. And that is critical for you to remember. 
 
2.      There is great information on the internet about bisexuality that you can
offer your parents if you think it would be helpful. It may be important for
them to know the kind of damage that is being done to bisexual adults and young
people because of the myths surrounding bisexuality. Here is an article from
GLAAD about bi-erasure: http://www.glaad.org/bisexual/bierasure
 
3.      Coming out to people is obviously deeply personal and should only take
place when you are ready. Sometimes people get pressured from friends, media,
and even people they are romantically involved with to come out before they are
ready. It really is up to you. If you are feeling pressure from others, don’t
feel bad about setting your boundaries and telling them that you will come out
on your own time. Intimate partners should respect you enough to understand
this. 
 
4.      Something else to think about is your own comfort in being bisexual. Just
because someone is LGBTQ doesn’t mean that they necessarily want to be. Many
people struggle with this. Having
your own doubts or insecurities may also play a part in how comfortable you are
in telling your parents. So, perhaps do some self-exploration about your
feelings toward yourself. 
 
Sometimes people take friends with them
when they decide to come out to their parents. This is something you may want
to consider. The important thing to remember is that you are okay. Really. If
your parents don’t respond well, that doesn’t mean that they never will. Some
start off upset, but then work their way through it. 
Best of luck to you. 
Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I feel like every time I do something someone asks me to, I never fully meet what they want. I feel that when I finish it, they always think that they should have picked someone else to do it. I feel like  they just want nothing to do with me.


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. You are clearly a
resourceful young person to reach out like this to find help. Good for you. I
have a few ideas and perhaps some other counselors will add some thoughts, too.

First, good for you for taking care of yourself and making
really good decisions – such as not getting into the car with dad when he is
intoxicated. It is really important that you consider your safety above all
else. 
To answer your heading question, yes, it is quite common for
people to blame themselves for other people’s actions. There are various
reasons why we do this. For one thing, someone may tell us that their behaviors are our fault. And depending on things like our relationship to that
person, past experiences, and our self-esteem, we may actually start to believe
it. What is important to remember is that your parents have the responsibility
to be sure that you are safe and
cared for, not the other way around. 
As for the other things you mentioned, I am concerned about both
your physical and emotional safety and well-being. It sounds like your father
has an alcohol abuse problem, and living with someone who is struggling with
addiction can be hard for anyone, let alone a teenager who is also trying to
deal with things like school. 
You may want to see if your school has a counselor or
someone you can talk to about what is going on. I will tell you that in some
states, what you have told me may be something that a counselor would have to
report to child protection services, but not necessarily. If you are concerned
about that, ask the counselor what they are obligated to report. 
If you don’t know a counselor, think about any other adult
that you would feel comfortable talking to. They may have some ideas. 
Sometimes individual states have non-profit chat lines or
hotlines for teens to call if they are struggling with things. You may be able
to find something like that in your state. I do warn your about doing random
searches, not every website is good, so be careful. 
This is clearly a tough spot for you to be in, so one of the
things that I encourage you to do while searching for support is to focus on
taking care of yourself. Sometimes things like this can really bring us down and
we stop doing the things we enjoy. Try really hard not to let that happen. If
you have interests, do them. If you catch yourself thinking too hard about
things, try to find something fun to do to distract yourself. Try to take care
of yourself in other ways, such as eating well. Exercise can really help when
we get stressed. 
I hope some of this was helpful. Good luck.
 
Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC 


key: response
string_value:
I understand that at times it’s difficult to share with our parents what we have been trough, due to fear of judgment or punishment; but I have noticed that keeping our experiences secret, intensifies them.  And Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can haunt us for a long time if we do not learn to process the memories that cause those symptoms.  If you have been victim of a traumatic event that you are not prepared to share with your parents, it’s important that you seek help with a counselor, therapist or psychologist.  Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a great technique to cope with physical symptoms, you could also use Narrative therapy, Creative Therapy or Journaling as a way to express memories and process them with your therapist.  A psychiatrist can also prescribe medication to manage the symptoms, but is very important that you address the trauma so you can heal and go back to live your life.   Many organizations like the United Way (2-1-1 in many states) offer resources and referrals to put you in touch with mental health providers, you could also talk to your school counselor, doctor or church to find referral that could help. Tip: You don’t have to tell you story to each person you ask for help, you can just start by asking for a counselor referral. ¿Cómo puedo superar el Desorden de Estrés Post Traumático sin que mis padres se enteren?Comprendo que muchas veces puede ser difícil compartir nuestras experiencias con nuestros padres, muchas veces por miedo a que nos juzguen o castiguen; pero he observado cómo mantener un secreto, lo vuelve más fuerte y difícil de manejar.   El Desorden de Estrés Post Traumático puede ser una condición que nos persigue por mucho tiempo si no aprendemos a procesar las memorias que causan esos síntomas.  Si has sido víctima de un trauma que tal vez no estás listo(a) para compartir con tus padres, es importante que busques la ayuda de algún consejero profesional, terapista o sicólogo.  La Terapia Cognitiva Conductual enfocada en el Trauma, es una técnica que te ayudara a manejar muchos de los síntomas, también puedes utilizar diarios o Terapia Narrativa o creativa, para expresar memorias y procesarlas luego en terapia.  Un Psiquiatra también te puede proveer medicamentos que ayudan a manejar los síntomas del Estrés Post Traumático, pero es importante que atiendas el problema inicial para poder sanar por completo y volver a tomar las riendas de tu vida.   Muchas organizaciones como los Fondos Unidos (2-1-1 en muchos estados) tiene recursos que proveen referidos a consejeros o profesionales de la salud mental.  También puedes preguntarle a tu consejero escolar, doctor o en la iglesia.  
Sugerencia: No tienes que contarle a todos tu problema, solo pide que te recomienden a un consejero o terapista. 


key: response
string_value:
As long as you try to reach others expectations you will never feel satisfied or accepted.  How about setting your own expectations for self and strive for those.  Make sure your expectations are reachable and realistic. 


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for reaching out to ask for help. Surely this is a very confusing time for you! If you have never had these
feelings and desires it could certainty shake everything you thought you knew
about yourself. 
My guess is that you becoming sick around the time that this
started is likely a coincidence, but I understand how you would make the
connection. 
I have a feeling that a few things may be going on here. It
is really hard to say since I don’t know you, how old you are, etc. But, I will
share you with you some thoughts. 
Some people, when they have undesirable thoughts that really
surprise them, have a really tough time getting rid of them. Our reaction to
the thought can be very strong and our tendency to try to block it out, stuff
it, avoid it, etc. is not always successful. In fact, it’s usually not. 
It’s like telling you not to think of pink elephants. I
would be willing to bet that you thought of a pink elephant just now. 
So, rather than fighting thoughts that you find confusing,
sometimes it is helpful to allow yourself to explore the thought with curiosity
and without judgement. Where is this thought coming from? What are my feelings
about it? Asking yourself these questions may help you come to a resolution
about what is going on. 
One possibility is that you have developed an anxiety about
your thoughts and now you are in the process of obsessing about them, but
another possibility is that you are legitimately exploring your sexuality and
gender. I get the feeling from your question that you do not want to believe
that it is second possibility. And that is okay. 
You can try some of my suggestions, but you can also see a
counselor who may be able to help you work through your confusion. I would
suggest someone who has experience working with sexuality issues. You can
usually find out what a counselor works with on their website. What is
important is that you find someone who is non-judgmental about what you are
experiencing. 
 
I wish you well.
Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC
 


key: response
string_value:
Wow what a painful journey you have been in for a long time. Death and grief bring up so many painful reminders of relationships--what they could have been, never were, and what was lost. With death of a family member the family often falls apart for a while... or longer. I hope you can find some support for you and your pain that was occurring before your mom's passing. I also hope you can find someone to help you set boundaries with your sister so you can have your time (as long as you need) to heal from losing your mom and then later figure out how to interact with your sister. 


key: response
string_value:
The person who can answer this question is the person you want to rebuild that trust with.  They are the only one who can tell you what it will take for them to trust you again.  What they tell you may seem hard or impossible but unfortunately that is what THEY need.  It is up to you if you feel and know you can provide what they request.  


key: response
string_value:
I will not say that you can't but I will say it will be much harder and the time may take much longer.  Getting help and having someone to be there with you through the ups and down of PTSD makes the journey much easier.  


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I have PTSD from childhood events and other traumas as an adult. I have panic attacks, nightmares, anger, and at times depression. I feel like I'm always on the edge or just apathetic.  Can I fix this by myself?


key: response
string_value:
Have you spoken to him about your fears? Perhaps you can explain this feeling to him and let him know what might lead to feeling more secure.  Also, it is important to trust your intuition!  Perhaps there are good reasons to feel concerned. It may not be paranoia - it may be based in reality!  


key: response
string_value:
I am so sorry this happened.  Sharing a part of your private life without your permission can be so painful.  I might suggest (depending on your relationship) reaching out to your sister and discussing this (or setting boundary that you don't want to discuss your private life).  I might also speak with your wife and share how hurt you are and what you need to happen moving forward to begin to heal.  


key: response
string_value:
Hello!  Thank you for your question.  Exploring your sexual orientation and attraction is a wonderful opportunity to get to know yourself!  I would be curious to know what feelings you might have related to the possibility of being bi; What messages you may have received related to this orientation and any concerns you have about possible sexual orientations.  


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I feel like I was born in the wrong body I feel like I should be a girl not a boy
Ever since I was young, I have wanted to be a girl. I felt like what I was wasn’t me. I want to know what I can do about it. My family is against transgender people and don't want anything to do with them. I want to be “me.” I feel as if I'll be happy then. I don't look in mirrors, and I don't like my reflection. Recently, I have been taking things to help even though they were not prescribed. I know I should have this handled by a professional.


key: response
string_value:
How can I get my mother to listen to me without her freaking out?Communication with our loved ones can be tricky, but it is the key to maintaining a healthy and functional relationship with them. At times, it seems difficult to communicate with our family because many feelings and “undercover” messages are attached. Especially with our mothers, who often provide advice and feel responsible for us, it may feel like they are making everything about themselves as they express their worries and concerns.So what to do? First will be important to practice active listening skills, to ensure that you are receiving and understanding the message, without filtering it trough your own emotions or preconceptions of the person who speaks.  Second, learn and practice assertive communication skills.  Those will help you to communicate a message clearly and in pieces.  It also emphasizes using I-statements to express how you feel at times when emotions become affected by the interaction.  Third, you should practice, by writing your I-statement or role playing with your counselor.   The trick with communication skills is that we need to practice them as often as possible until you to master them.  You can also contact a family therapist to improve those skills if it becomes challenging, or contact a mediator if more issues arise.¿Cómo puedo lograr que mi mamá me escuche sin alarmarse tanto?La comunicación con nuestros seres queridos puede ser dificultosa, pero es la clave para mantener relaciones saludables y funcionales con ellos.  A veces, nos parece aun más difícil comunicarnos con nuestra familia, porque hay muchos sentimientos y mensajes envueltos en la comunicación.  Especialmente nuestras  madres,  pueden hacer parecer que están convirtiendo el asunto en algo personal, cuando se sienten preocupadas y responsables por nosotros y nuestras acciones.¿Y qué hacemos?  Primero debemos aprender a escuchar activamente, para asegurarnos de que comprendemos el mensaje, y que no lo estemos filtrando a través de nuestras emociones e ideas de la otra persona. Segundo, aprende y practica comunicación asertiva.  Esto te ayudara a comunicar un mensaje claramente y en pedazos.  También te ayudar a aprender expresiones del Yo, para identificar sentimientos afectados durante la interacción.  Tercero, es importante que practiques estas destrezas, ya sea escribiendo o con tu consejero.  El secreto está en practicar las técnicas de comunicación cuantas veces sea posible, hasta que las uses espontáneamente.  Si tienes dificultad aprendiendo estas técnicas, o el conflicto con tu mama es uno muy difícil de resolver, puedes contactar un consejero o mediador familiar para que te asista. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
Me and my adult daughter just do not get along.  She's very belittling to me when I don't agree with her. It's almost like she scolds me. We get into all out war. She's said I don't support her in what she does and that I've never loved her. She calls me horrible names, and she pushes my buttons to the point I call her names.


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I terminated my counseling relationship with a social worker several years ago. I am now realizing that I would like to begin counseling again.  The social worker’s voicemail message says that he returns calls in 24 hours, but he hasn't called me back. I called him on the weekend and made it clear that I want him to call me back.  Can he just ignore me?


key: response
string_value:
<!--[if gte mso 9]>






























































































































































































































































































  <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priorit


key: response
string_value:
It is normal to seek other’s attention and noticing that some people would not be interested.  After all, we belong to a social environment where we constantly receive other’s feedback, which at times validates us, makes feel important and useful, like we belong; but also at times makes us feel isolated, different and neglected, which we could interpret as hate.The key is to be aware of what you think about what people think of you.   Got it?  This part can be tricky at times, because, what others think about us does not really affect us, what really affects us is what we decide to believe, internalize, and make our reality.  For example, I could choose to ignore a person’s comment about me, or I could decide to focus on it all day, analyze why they said that and what have I done to them to get to that conclusion.  Eventually, since we became so focused on that thought, we may end up believing that what the other person said about us was true, even if we did not agree to begin with.So how can we fix this?  Awareness is the key!  It is important that you understand the way you internalize external inputs, like comments, and to go through a process of discarding negative ones.  It is also helpful to talk to your counselor about how you process feedback and validation so you learn to balance your positive traits from negatives and how that affects your relationships and self-esteem.¿Cómo me puede importar menos lo que la gente piensa?Siempre siento la necesidad de impresionar a otros, ya sea mi familia, la gente de la escuela o extraños.  Y sé que no importa lo que haga o cuanto haga, siempre habrá personas que me odian.  ¿Por qué me siento así?Es común que busquemos la atención de otros y notemos que algunas personas no están interesadas.  Después de todo pertenecemos a un ambiente social donde constantemente recibimos comentarios, que a veces nos validan, alagan y nos hacen sentir como parte importante y funcional de la sociedad; pero en otros momentos nos hacen sentir aislados, ignorados y diferentes, lo cual lo pudiéramos interpretar como odio.La clave es estar conscientes de lo que pensamos que los otros piensan de nosotros. ¿Me sigues?  Esta parte puede ser algo confusa, porque lo que piensan otras personas de nosotros, no nos afecta directamente, lo que si nos afecta es lo que decidimos creer que otras personas piensan de nosotros; y luego lo internalizamos y hacemos parte de nuestra vida.  Por ejemplo,  podemos decidir ignorar lo que una persona dice de nosotros, o podemos decidir enfocarnos en ello todo el día, analizando en detalle porque lo dijeron y que hemos hecho para hacer que ellos piensen así. Eventualmente nos enfocamos tanto en ese pensamiento, que terminamos creyendo que es verdad, aun cuando originalmente no lo creíamos así.¿Entonces como lo arreglamos? La clave es concientización.  Es importante entender la manera en que internalizamos las opiniones de otros, y que pasemos por un proceso de discriminación, donde descartemos los comentarios negativos, hasta que aprendamos a ignorarlos. También ayudaría hablar con un Consejero sobre como internamente validas y descartas los comentarios y opiniones externas, y como eso puede estar afectando tus relaciones y tu autoestima.  


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I always feel the need to impress people, whether it's my family, the people at school, or just random people. I know that no matter what I do or how I change, there will always be some people who hate me.  Why do I feel this way?


key: response
string_value:
Have you sought the support of a therapist really qualified in working through sexual trauma? It can take some work, but healing is possible. If you feel able to, it may also help to open a dialogue with your boyfriend about what you need from him when you have these flashbacks. Let him know what some helpful responses may be. 


key: response
string_value:
We humans are social beings. We learn how to BE in relationship as children. The caregiving you received (or didn't receive) set the stage for how you show up in all your adult relationships. Insecurity in relationships often has much to do with feeling unheard or unseen, perhaps feeling like you don't matter. There are many ways to rewire these relational patterns, the first step of which is taking pause and noticing that you are feeling insecure - so congrats on that because clearly you are already there!  Next I'd suggest finding a relationship therapist to help you sort through your insecurities, either as a couple or individually. 


key: response
string_value:
Certainly counselling can help. however, there is a caveat, namely, you will need the right counsellor with the right approach. This leads to two questions: 1) What are the identifiers for the right counsellor, and 2) What is the right approach?1) What are the identifiers for the right counsellor? The right counsellor will almost certainly have a lot of experience. He or she will have done a lot personal work and have an ongoing practice of inner work both on their own and with the support of an experienced therapist. This person will be viewing you as a human being with challenges, not as a diagnostic category. He or she will be willing to work with you over an extended period of time and have experience doing such work. Further they will be well versed in approaches that are responsive to you in the moment and overall. The in-depth work will be collaborativel designed in an ongoing way that is responsive to you, the moment, your overall life experience, and their in-the-moment experience. It goes without saying that you will subjectively evaluate the felt sense of connection with this person and the feeling that they are invested in their work with you, value you as a human being, and value the connection. As well, it is crucial that you feel this connection and that your therapist 'gets you.' 2) What is the right approach?  As Carl Jung stated, "When the doctor sits down with the patient he (or 
she) must drop all theories and learn the theory of this person." The approach must include a bond between you and your therapist that is in a continuous process of development, attention to pre-verbal imprinting, development of awareness ability, ongoing development of the ability to attend to and stay with inner experience, development of a process orientation, attention to egoic structures that were seeded from the earliest days in the service of perceptions of threats to needs being met, identification of current egoic states and work with these inner selves and their relationship with each other to facilitate movement from developmental points of arrest, increased ability to access and contain non-ordinary states of consciousness, attending to what is, and working with this in the service of moving towards optimal human development.depression is generally experienced as the system shutting down. anxiety is a signal that something is wrong. anxiety is not the problem. it is a sign that there is a problem. the core of these issues is a lack of inner security that is the outcome of insufficient bonding. the work of psychotherapy is to establish an environment and relationship that will facilitate work with the bonding ruptures and re-initiation of the developmental process that stopped at an early stage.


key: response
string_value:
 A lot of times when you're experiencing nightmares and flashbacks, it can be a sign that you haven't fully processed what happened. Our brains tend to replay scenes in our life that we wish had turned out differently or  in an effort to desensitize us to it.  If you are comfortable with it, you may want to consider sharing what you're experiencing with your current partner so that he is able to understand what's going on. Also, you may want to consider  what parts of your past relationship you blame yourself for. This can be a difficult task to undertake on your own, and the help of the therapist may be necessary to sort through the memories in a safe way.  Typically however, flashbacks and nightmares are a sign that the trauma  of what you went through needs to be addressed.  it's a great thing that you were able to have the courage to get out of that relationship and you should be proud of yourself for that.  You may want to  begin therapy to address these traumatic memories and help you to sort through any conflicting emotions you have about it (i.e.  Feeling like it's your fault for not recognizing the abuse or getting out of the relationship sooner, blaming yourself for being  " The kind of person who gets into an abusive relationship ",  or believing that you somehow caused your ex to abuse you in some way.)  These types of beliefs and feelings can prevent us from moving past traumatic experiences and a trained therapist can certainly help you sort through them. 


key: response
string_value:
 This sounds very hurtful for you to be on the receiving end of this. You can ask yourself " what am I learning from the way I am being treated? "  and consider whether or not this is in fact either (1)  A message or value that you agree with and believe will strengthen your relationship and help you to grow as a person or (2)  A message or value that is damaging to the relationship or  to your view of your self and others.  Once you've considered that and come to your own conclusion, you will likely know what you need to do.  If you're still stuck, you may want to consider seeing an individual therapist for yourself  to process your feelings about the relationship or a couples therapist with your partner to work on improving your communication with each other. 


key: response
string_value:
 Sexual intimacy can be very triggering for survivors even when it is both wanted and consensual.  You may want to consider seeing a therapist who specializes in trauma to work through the abuse if you have not already done so. Often times triggers still hold such a powerful effect when the emotions related to the abuse  have not been fully processed.  In the meantime, you may want to consider coming up with a Safe Word to let your partner know that you are being triggered or to communicate your physical boundaries to him.  Often times, the experience of communicating  your physical boundaries to your partner, having those boundaries respected and validated, and having a partner who is understanding and  willing to engage in intimacy in such a way that does not violate your physical boundaries  can reinforce a sense of safety with him. 


key: response
string_value:
My initial response:  consider a more comprehensive MH assessment to determine other factors. A medical evaluation is warranted to rule out poor health issues. Blood work is helpful. Review what hadn't helped. 


key: response
string_value:
Could you tell her ?  What would happen if you said "Mom, I love you and I really want to share myself with you, but often I you get upset and I don't want that to happen. I really want to be able to talk to you."  


key: response
string_value:
EMDR therapy has shown great results for work with PTSD symptoms which are similar to what you described. If you are unable to find a local EMDR specialist then I would suggest some meditation and journaling in addition to talk therapy to process your trauma. Your anxiety response centers int he brain are in hyper vigilance mode and retraining to turn down that response could be helpful for you. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I have been having a lot of nightmares where I am being killed in different ways. I either wake up in a panic or just crying and sweating. It has made me terrified of falling asleep and is now affecting my daily life too.  Can I make the nightmares stop?


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. First things first, I am so glad that you are alive and very sorry that you had to endure such a terrible experience. Now, let's talk about these nightmares. The first thing I want to tell you is that you are NOT losing your mind. Many people start to think that may be the case if they are still suffering from the affects of something that happened a long time ago. That's not the case. There is no time set time for which we should be "over" something like this. I am not sure if you received counseling after what happened to you, but that may be something to consider. Bad nightmares could be the sign of something like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which would include other symptoms like being startled easily, re-experiencing the event, or avoiding places that remind you of it. There are other symptoms, as well, so if you believe this may be something you have you may want to seek counseling. There are good treatments for PTSD. If you cannot seek counseling at this time, there are some things you can do to try to manage the dreams on your own. I would encourage you to look up "sleepy hygiene" and try to make your bedtime rituals as relaxing as possible. You can also Google search "Nightmare re-scripting" or "Nightmare Exposure" and get some ideas on how you may be able to change your dreams. It may be a good idea to attend a domestic violence support group and get ideas from other survivors who no doubt have had sleep problems related to their experiences, too. Hope this was helpful. Be well. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC 


key: response
string_value:
If the symptoms are to the extent that they are affecting your ability to function, you may want to consider seeking treatment. PTSD, anxiety, and depression all typically respond well to treatment if provided by a trained clinician. Common types of treatment for PTSD that you may want to look into include Cognitive Processing Therapy or EMDR. The nice things about Cognitive Processing Therapy is that it is time limited and only lasts 17 sessions typically. 


key: response
string_value:
It can be tricky to figure out if a child is truly satisfied with his lack of friendships. Parents can usually tell when their child is happy. But kids who are unhappy may be masking disappointment, perhaps acting out their feelings in an aggressive manner. Others may internalize symptoms, appearing sad or withdrawn. A parent may learn a great deal by asking the teachers questions such as whether the child works with others on group projects or if he eats lunch alone. A parent can also talk with the recess supervisor about what happens on the playground, and whether your child stays on the sidelines of play, unsure of how to join the group. Therespectfully is a difference between kids who are shy but happy and kids who feel isolated because they do not know how to make friends. Itis not necessarily that there is something wrong with that child, but they will in fact need help and suggestions for breaking into a peer group Ask a child if there is someone he would like to have over to play. If a mom or dad can make the play dates happen, or if they hit on an activity the child truly enjoys, the young person may begin to forge friendships on their own. I encourage well-meaning parents to choose words carefully. Use phrases like, "Hey, I noticed something," or "Let me help you be successful." By showing respect, parents should feel more comfortable nudging their children beyond their comfort zone.When to seek professional help. When does isolation raise a red flag for long-term issues? True personality disorders are not typically diagnosed until adulthood. Still, professional counseling should be considered if the anti-social behavior is causing the child significant distress, perhaps keeping him from functioning in everyday activities. Also, parents should pay attention to how the child's social behavior changes over time such as social anxiety. The vast majority of children who define "quality time" as time alone are perfectly happy, healthy and normal. If the child is able to nurture at least one friendship, exhibiting what experts call "social reciprocity," then parents can relax, and can cherish that child who enjoys the pleasure of his or her own company. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I recently lost a friend to suicide.  I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better?


key: response
string_value:
I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss.  There is such a large feeling of uncertainty that befalls those of us left to sort through these emotions of such a loss, and it's never easy.  I think it's important to remember that there is no "right" or "wrong" way to deal with loss and the "best way" for you may not be the best way for someone else.  The fact that you are aware that you are smoking more marijuana and drinking more, and the fact that you can recognize that these may not be the best coping techniques, is a very good step towards giving yourself some better support at this time.  Marijuana and drinking are type of coping techniques that can numb us to our emotions, but they do not really help us to work through those emotions. When it comes to grief, often one of the most helpful ways to move through the phases of grief is to use your social supports; talk to your friends and family, see your mutual friends and commiserate with each other on the loss and the uncertainty.  The more we talk about our feelings, the more we are okay with them being ours. The more we express our loss, the better we become at accepting such a loss. In talking with your supports, you may also decide ways in which you may want to remember your friend; ways you can do so on a personal level (writing a poem, planting a tree, etc.) or ways you as a group can remember and memorialize them (a special day where you get together to share your memories, starting a charity, etc.) We never truly "get over" our losses, but we can learnt o accept the losses and what it means to us now...but that also takes time. 


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. Bipolar disorder is generally characterized by extreme changes in mood, ranging from mania (highs) to depression (lows). There are different types; however, so here is a website that gives you a list of symptoms for mania and depression in bipolar disorder: http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/bipolar-disorder-manic-depression?page=2After reviewing these symptoms, if you believe you may have bipolar disorder, then you may want to see your primary care provider or a counselor. Bipolar disorder is treatable, but for many people it requires the right medication and sometimes counseling to help people make behavior changes that are important for bipolar management. For example, some people may not get regular sleep, but proper rest is important for bipolar management. A counselor may talk to you about this and other lifestyle changes that you may need to make. The good news is that many people live happy, healthy, and productive lives with bipolar disorder. So, if it turns out that you do have bipolar disorder, it doesn't mean that things can't get better. There is currently no "cure" for bipolar disorder, but with proper medication and lifestyle management, people can do quite well.Hope this was helpful. Be well.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC 


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. I am so glad that you reached out for help. I know that the dysphoria can feel nearly impossible to handle, especially since you have limited support from people who accept who you are. You may already know some of these resources, but I am going to share a few. 1. The website www.letsqueerthingsup.com is a blog from a very good writer that I know. His name is Sam Dylan Finch, and he is transgender. He writes about mental health, transgender issues, and many other topics. I know he has frequently written about gender dysphoria and ways to manage it. You may want to check out his site and do a search on there. 2. The website www.everydayfeminism.com employs many transgender writers and several have written about gender dysphoria and have given ideas for managing it. If you search for gender dysphoria on their site, many articles pop up. It may be a good resource for you, especially if you ever feel lonely and start to forget that there are others out there who are like you and have your back. 3. I am not sure where you live, but there are counselors who specialize in affirmative therapy, which is what is recommended for folks who are part of the LGBTQ community. So, if you decide to see a counselor about the dysphoria, try to find one that specifically says they have been trained in the affirmative approach. In addition, feel free to ask questions of the counselor before agreeing to see them for counseling. An ethical counselor would have no problem answering them before having you come in. 4. If there are some LGBTQ resource centers in your area, try to reach out to them and see if there are support groups. Gaining more support from others would be helpful. Sometimes LGBTQ-friendly counselors leave their contact information for people in resource centers. 5. Finally, I know you have not mentioned being depressed or suicidal, but I also know that it is very common for people to consider suicide when they are struggling with dysphoria, dealing with transphobia, etc. If this ever happens to you, please call 911 or the Trans Lifeline. It's free at 877-565-8860. Visit their site at www.translifeline.org. I hope some of these ideas help. Feel free to send another message if you have a follow-up question.Be well....be YOU.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I'm transgender, I know I am, but I've only told a few friends. I know I can't tell my family because of previous conversations we've had. They just wouldn't accept it.
My gender dysphoria is getting really difficult to deal with on my own. I need some strategies for dealing with it. What should I do?


key: response
string_value:
Hi. It can be difficult to handle such a transition on your own. I work with clients to understand their needs and wants. This can involve how to communicate effectively with friends, family, and other loved ones; or, learning how to have self-acceptance. I strongly recommend speaking with a licensed clinician one on one to help facilitate the change you are looking for. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I feel really uncomfortable when I have people's attention.  It makes me not want to talk in public or answer questions in class. Can I get over this social anxiety?


key: response
string_value:
This is so very common in this crazy looks-obsessed world! I meet so many beautiful people who can't see their beauty. Is there something getting in the way for you? Was there a time in your life when people teased you or told you something hurtful, or did something to you that made you feel ugly? If so, this can be addressed first. Sometimes stories are told about us when we're young and the best thing we can do is see the author's evil or careless intent and not take that on. A therapist can help you with this part.Once you've addressed any past barriers to feeling confident, you can focus on a few simple things. First, your thoughts. If you keep telling yourself that you don't like what you see, then you will never feel okay about your looks. Experiment with telling yourself something different. Look in the mirror and I dare you to find something that's lovely about your face. Focus on that. Describe what you see? If you were your own best friend, what would you say about your face? Eliminating those negative scripts and building new positive ones will help you feel more accepting of how you look. You can't change your face, but you can change your attitude towards your face. Confidence is the things that will make you beautiful!Accepting how you look is important. Without going to plastic surgery (the popularity of which is a testimony to how nuts this whole thing has become), you were born with that nose, those eyes, those lips. Accepting yourself and knowing it won't change is a good idea, because wishing it were different won't make it so!Looking good is also about minimizing flaws and building on your assets. Are you in a rut about hairstyle or makeup? Ask a good friend to give you a make-over. Play with your features and wardrobe. There are plenty of average looking people who know how to make themselves shine because they are creative! 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I hate everything I see in the mirror. I don't like being in pictures and always scribble out my face.  It's stressing me out. I don't trust my parents enough to tell them and I don't know what to do.


key: response
string_value:
My son plays alone at recess.Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?Every mom is the expert on their children’s behavior.  First of all, I suggest checking with your son, asking him if he is happy while playing alone, or does he complain that no one wants to play with him?  Does he plays alone in school, but is social in other environments, with family or neighbors?Playing alone is healthy for children, it helps them to be independent and confident, it allows them to explore their environment and use their imagination, among other benefits.  On the other hand, it is also important to develop social skills early on and become confident in our skills as we grow.  Children go through stages of exploration until they develop a sense of “social confidence”. Depending on your son’s age, he might need some input or advice.  Provide the opportunity to interact with other children, without pushing it.  Take him to the park to play with a friend or to children’s activities in your neighborhood.  Later ask him, what did he thought of the activity, and if he enjoyed playing there.  Children also follow their parent’s model, so you can encourage social interaction by greeting other and asking your son to do the same, ask him to receive the guests who come to the house with you and sit to enjoy the conversation. If you notice any shakiness, becoming tearful, anxious or aggressive when approaching social encounters, you may want to talk to the school counselor or children’s therapist to evaluate those symptoms and rule out any behavioral problems or social anxiety.Mi hijo juega solo en el receso.¿Debería preocuparme al respecto?  ¿Debería hacer algo al respecto?Cada mama es experta en la conducta de sus hijos.  Primero que nada te sugiero que revises con tu hijo y le preguntes si él se siente contento jugando solo, o si se queja porque nadie quiere jugar con él.   Observa si él juega solo en la escuela, pero es sociable en otros ambientes como con la familia  o los vecinos. Jugar solo puede ser saludable para los niños, les ayudo a ser independientes, desarrollan sentido de seguridad, y les permite explorar su ambiente y utilizar su imaginación, entre otros beneficios.Por otro lado, también es importante desarrollar destrezas sociales y perfeccionarlas con la práctica.   Los niños van por etapas de exploración y prueba hasta que desarrollan un nivel de confianza en sus destrezas sociales.  Dependiendo de la edad de tu hijo, puede que el necesite algunos consejos.  Provéele la oportunidad de interactuar con otros niños, sin obligarlo. Ya sea yendo al parque a jugar con vecinos, o a actividades comunitarias infantiles con algún amigo.  Luego pregúntale como le pareció la actividad y si le gusto compartir allí.  También recuerda que los niños siguen el modelo de sus padres, así que puedes motivarlo invitándolo a que salude a otros después de ti, o invitándolo a recibir a la visita que llega a la casa y que los acompañe durante la conversación.Si observas que tu hijo está nervioso, lloroso, o agresivo cuando se acerca alguna actividad social, consulta con el consejero escolar o un consejero infantil para evaluar sus síntomas y descarta cualquier problema de conducta o ansiedad. 


key: response
string_value:
I agree with Cory. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) does seem to help a lot of people who struggle with anxiety. It's not the only type of therapy that can help, but it seems to help people in a way that is more natural and realistic. As Cory mentioned, anxiety is something that is part of life, so therapies that indicate we can get rid of it are questionable. Our natural inclination when we have anxiety is to STOP any and all things that may cause it or provoke it. We do this because we think it will help, but it actually doesn't. Anxiety usually has us rehashing the past or rehearsing the future while ignoring the present. ACT helps folks who have those kinds of tendencies. Be well..Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC 


key: response
string_value:
There is a difference in someone agreeing to try something and agreeing to continue to do it. Have you ever been willing to try something and then decided you did not like it? A type of food? A sport? A new restaurant? A type of dance? So this does not mean that things have changed between you. It does mean that the two of you may need to spend some time to find out what you both like. Instead of looking at it as a rejection, look at it as a challenge, an adventure that the two of you can go on as explorers together. Some couples have even found it helpful to each write down ten things they would like the other person to try and then each person can pick three things from the other person's list to add into their life together when they chose to over the next few weeks. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I've felt this way for  two years. I feel so much better now then I did when it started, but it is still there in the back of my mind at all times.


key: response
string_value:
It has been said that depression is often the result of a blocked goal.  Often people struggle with both anxiety and depression but have difficulty determining which is the most important issue. For some, depression is the result of frequently blocked goals and when their predominant issues are evaluated, they discover that they are anxious (worried) about a lot of areas in their life but seem to find no relief.  When there is no relief and there have been numerous attempts (either in their mind or in practical application) to resolve the anxiety, depression is often the result.  In this type of case, depression is not the main or underlying issue. The anxiety is the underlying issue.  Having "a lot on my mind" sounds like anxiety. Unresolved anxiety can lead to feelings of depression which are often associated with "emptiness."  In the question above, I would want to evaluate all of the issues surrounding having "a lot on my mind" and determine where these might be coming from. Has there been ongoing rejection from peers? From family? If so, why does this seem to be happening?  Isolation is often a protective measure that one implements to avoid further pain. Where does that need to protect originate?  Are there unmet needs from childhood? Are there traumatic life events that have created a need to self-protect as a defense mechanism? We can feel "alone" even when in a crow of people or at a party.  This has nothing, in this case, to do with being around people. It has more to do with how we view ourselves.  If there is a prevailing message or script that has been internalized that says, "You are worth nothing" or "You don't deserve the company of others" then being around people will not alleviate the problem but only exacerbate it. I would want to evaluate how one feels about themselves and what negative messages one has received and has repeated to oneself over time. The Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy is a therapy aimed at addressing unmet childhood needs. If there is specific trauma that is associated with socializing with people, then EMDR can be very helpful in desensitizing and reprocessing the trauma.  Looking at whether this individual's issue with emptiness is straight depression or whether it is depression as a result of unresolved anxiety is key to determining a treatment strategy. 


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. It certainly sounds like you don't like how things are going. Here are a few thoughts and ideas:1. If you haven't seen a primary care provider in a while, you may want to. There are health conditions that can affect your mood and energy levels, even at your age. It doesn't hurt to get checked out. If they find the cause, they may be able to treat it and improve the symptoms. In addition, most primary care providers are trained to be able to manage medication for patients who have mild, moderate, and sometimes severe depression. So, don't be surprised if your primary care doctor offers to put you on an anti-depressant if they diagnose you with depression. Medication is not the only way to treat depression, but sometimes it is necessary depending on different factors.2. You may want to consider counseling, since it is another effective way to treat depression. A counselor will help you explore the factors that may be leading to depressive symptoms in the first place. This could include thoughts, behaviors, beliefs, life experiences, and other things. 3. Finally, to answer your question about whether these feelings are "normal." These symptoms could be the sign of an underlying general health or mental health condition. It is important to remember that even if these symptoms are "abnormal" it doesn't mean that YOU are. Millions of people struggle with depression. So remember, the symptoms are the problem, not YOU. Hope this helps. Be well.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I have no friends, no hobbies, and no interest in anything. I get annoyed with everything and everyone. I am always tired, i can sleep 8 hrs or 12 hrs and im still tired.  I don't know what to do. Is this normal?


key: response
string_value:
Hi, and thanks for your question. I agree with my colleagues about researching asexuality, but I want too add a couple of things about that:Here is a website that you can start with to get some information about asexuality - http://www.asexuality.org/home/There are a whole lot of myths surrounding asexuality. One is that people who are asexual have absolutely no interest in sex, and that is not always the case. There are variations of asexuality. Some people who are asexual have an interest in sex and others don't. Also, once you read more on this topic, you may find that you don't connect with asexuality either, and that is okay. Our society usually thinks of sexual orientations as only being straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual, but the truth is there are many variations of sexual orientations. Keep exploring. There is a good chance that there is a community of people who feel like you do. Finally, labels are important for a lot of things, but labeling ourselves can sometimes lead to some painful feelings. Try not to feel pressured to label yourself too quickly. This is your journey. Your experience. Take all the time you need. You may never feel the need to label how you feel, and that is okay, too. Hope this helps. Be well.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC  


key: chroma:document
string_value:
Ive been in an on an off relationship with a this man for almost 3 years. Even though I care about him, he continues to hurt me. 

He and his wife were separated when we met. Now he's going through a really difficult divorce from her and is taking it really hard.  I want to end this relationship, but I don't feel like I can. How can I let go?


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that this was your experience with your family. I truly wish I could give you some things to say to them that would change their reaction, but unfortunately I can't do that. Their acceptance of you is a journey, just like coming out is a journey for you. Sometimes families initially respond this way, but after time they become more accepting and even supportive. Unfortunately, there is no way to know for sure if that will happen. So, here are a few things I would suggest:Surround yourself with people and things that remind you that you really are okay as you are. That won't take the place of your family's acceptance, and I won't even pretend that it would, but it may help during those days when it hurts the most. And that is really important. Patience is not something that many of us are really good at, but this type of situation sometimes forces you to have some. When families first learn something like this, they may go through a period of shock. And then sometimes even grieving. They may even be worried if they are of a particular religion where being bisexual is forbidden. These things can take time for them to reconcile, so it may just take some patience. If it is safe for you, try to talk to them, but if it becomes painful or hurtful then you have the right to walk away. I do recommend setting up some personal boundaries for yourself, and perhaps learn some assertiveness skills if you feel you struggle with them. The reason I feel that this is important is that people sometimes take a lot of abuse from family members and friends in times like you're describing. They may want to be accepted so much that they put themselves in hurtful positions over and over again hoping that their families will come around. They may, or they may not. And if they don't, you deserve to live a life free of abuse and to feel confident and assured of who you are. To be surrounded by folks who remind you of that. If you start seeing this pattern and you are struggling, chatting with counselor may be a great idea. I am bias probably, but I think chatting with a counselor is ALWAYS a good idea. :) Hope this helps. Be well. Be you. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC 


key: response
string_value:
It sounds like your in quite a rough place, my recommendation just based on what you type might warrant a visit to a psychotherapist to resolve what may be going on, I am not entirely sure but it sounds like he might have a bit of a sex addiction problem. One thing you need to ask yourself is "Am I happy?", "Do I feel loved?", these are deep questions, but the answers to those questions will give you a direction to travel in. 


key: response
string_value:
One of the first steps is to manage anxiety and depression symptoms are to establish a good self-care routine.  Start with the most basic things: Eating balanced meals, sleeping at from 6-8 hours and exercise at least 30 minutes a day.  These will help you to regulate the chemical imbalance that affects your mood, plus exercising gives you time to vent and be distracted from your thoughts.  Once basic self-care is established, I suggest that is a good time to start exploring the source of these feelings, and address them trough therapy.  If you have difficulty initiating self-care routine talk to your therapist about what motivates you and pushes you to do things, you might find the key during the process.  You could also contact your physician or a psychiatrist to discuss medication options if it’s too challenging to begin basic self-care.¿Cómo puedo manejar mi ansiedad y depresión para sentirme normal otra vez?Mi motivación se ha ido. Es difícil salir de la cama.  No sé qué hacer.  Soy Miserable.  Mi ansiedad y depresión han tomado el control de mi vida.Uno de los primeros pasos para manejar la ansiedad y la depresión es establecer una buena rutina de cuidado personal.  Comienza con las cosas más básicas: Comer comidas balanceadas, dormir de 6-8 horas en la noche, y ejercitarte por lo menos 30 minutos al día. Esto te ayudara a regular el desbalance químico que afecta tu estado de ánimo, además de que te da tiempo para desahogarte y distraerte.  Ya que la rutina de cuidado eta establecida, es un buen momento para comenzar a explorar la fuente de tus sentimientos negativos, y explóralos a través de terapia. Si se dificulta comenzar a crear una rutina puedes consultar con tu terapista para identificar motivaciones que te impulsen a comenzar.  También puedes contactar a tu medico primario o psiquiatra para discutir medicamentos que te pueden ayudar a manejar estos síntomas e iniciar cuidado básico. 


key: response
string_value:
One of the first steps is to manage anxiety and depression symptoms are to establish a good self-care routine.  Start with the most basic things: Eating balanced meals, sleeping at from 6-8 hours and exercise at least 30 minutes a day.  These will help you to regulate the chemical imbalance that affects your mood, plus exercising gives you time to vent and be distracted from your thoughts.  Once basic self-care is established, I suggest that is a good time to start exploring the source of these feelings, and address them trough therapy.  If you have difficulty initiating self-care routine talk to your therapist about what motivates you and pushes you to do things, you might find the key during the process.  You could also contact your physician or a psychiatrist to discuss medication options if it’s too challenging to begin basic self-care.¿Cómo puedo controlar mi ansiedad?Uno de los primeros pasos para manejar la ansiedad y la depresión es establecer una buena rutina de cuidado personal.  Comienza con las cosas más básicas: Comer comidas balanceadas, dormir de 6-8 horas en la noche, y ejercitarte por lo menos 30 minutos al día. Esto te ayudara a regular el desbalance químico que afecta tu estado de ánimo, además de que te da tiempo para desahogarte y distraerte.  Ya que la rutina de cuidado eta establecida, es un buen momento para comenzar a explorar la fuente de tus sentimientos negativos, y explóralos a través de terapia. Si se dificulta comenzar a crear una rutina puedes consultar con tu terapista para identificar motivaciones que te impulsen a comenzar.  También puedes contactar a tu medico primario o psiquiatra para discutir medicamentos que te pueden ayudar a manejar estos síntomas e iniciar cuidado básico. 


key: response
string_value:
Anxiety and Depression are challenging experiences to live with and to manage on a daily basis. I would say that both are challenges to overcome but solutions to living healthy and well exist. Step 1: Talk about it. With friends, family, partners, counselors, and other trusted people in your life. Step 2: Create a plan with a counselor to learn new skills that help you recognize and manage your symptoms. Step 3: Don't give up. Working on yourself can be difficult and hard at the beginning. Stick with it and you will be able to find exercises, tools, and resources that help you live well. 


key: response
string_value:
I get it. Your husband tells you that he's not in love with you, but oops, he's changed his mind and will tolerate you for a while longer? Excuse me? My Dear, it's okay if you expect more than that from a marriage. Maybe the question has shifted from whether he is happy in the marriage to whether you are happy in the marriage. You say you love this man,  who makes you "feel like nothing". I say it might be time to sit down with an individual therapist and look objectively at your marriage and whether it's working for you. 


key: response
string_value:
Not in my book. You're only two months in? At this early stage, this is a bit of a warning sign. If he can't accept or feel comfortable with who you are and decisions you've made, there's already a level of discomfort here that shouldn't be ignored. No, he doesn't have the right to penalize you or punish you ...not just for past things...not for anything. What he does get to do it tell you how it affects him. Sure...if he feels uncomfortable or needs reassurance...listen to those things. But If he doesn't dig who you are, maybe he can walk the other way. 


key: response
string_value:
There is a lot of information out there right now about how porn is harmful...to a person's brain chemistry, to a relationship and one's ability to love, and to how men see women and sex in general. Your partner demonstrates a clear disregard for your needs. There is evidence, as you suggest, that there is addiction here. I recommend seeing a therapist who can help you sort out where to go from here. 


key: response
string_value:
Watching children go through challenges in their lives is difficult. On a very basic level, There exists a primal need to protect them from harm. The hard part for parents is letting them feel those challenges and working through them as they get older. At some point, there is a moment that occurs when the role as a parent shifts. Children no longer need the basics (food, shelter. water, safety) as much as when they were toddlers, but rather, their needs shift to wanting more support, encouragement, advice, and room to make mistakes. This is where the ability to communicate with them, letting them direct the sails to gather the wind needed to move, is so important. Keep the lines of communication open and be available to give feedback when they ask for it. 


key: response
string_value:
Depending on your relationship with your parents, inviting them to have a conversation might be a good first step.  If they consent then you can have the opportunity to discuss your concerns with them.  Inviting someone to a conversation and getting their agreement is a great first step. I would then make sure your location of the discussion is conducive to the conversation and once all that is considered it might be beneficial that you make a list of your concerns prior to the meeting.  this can help keep you on point. 


key: response
string_value:
It's not uncommon for relationships to go cold over time. It is a matter of one or the other becoming complacent. If you and your husband have been together for quite some time it's likely that you are very comfortable and familiar with each other. While this is a good thing in some ways, it can also become boring and you run the risk of losing that "in love" feeling he is referring to. Couples simply become ambivalent. For some of the couples I work with in my practice, I find that helping to organize a time apart, which I call a "Therapeutic Separation" can do wonders for the relationship. I offer homework to be done during this time. Reading, worksheets and individual counseling helps people learn more about themselves and what they desire out of their relationship. It often times brings more appreciation for their partners. When the pair comes back together, we are able to push the reset button and begin a new chapter that is more fulfilling and exciting than before. 


key: response
string_value:
I agree with your observation about your daughter feeling stressed.  Are you able to open this topic in conversation with her?Also, reflect on your own expectations as a parent.  It is possible that your daughter is trying to please you by getting consistently high grades.If your daughter prefers talking in confidence to a therapist, then this may help her regain a sense of balance in her life so that schoolwork feels less stressful.I wouldn't take her to a doctor because based on what you write, the problem is psychological and emotionally based.  While the stress may have physical symptoms, addressing the root cause of the problem has nothing to do directly with something being physically wrong with your daughter.Unless there is some other medical or physical problem that would explain your daughter's sense of stress,  I'd start first by bringing your areas of concern to your daughter, then possibly to a therapist. 


key: response
string_value:
I am so sorry you are struggling!  I do think it's a good idea to share your feelings with your parents and perhaps get some help connecting with a counselor or therapist if you feel that might help.  There are lots of ways to tell them, depending on your relationship.  Maybe saying "I wanted to tell you guys something.. sometimes I worry that I might be depressed." Or, some folks will write a letter, or even send a text.  The most important thing is that you tell someone you trust so you don't feel so miserable. I hope this helps.  Best of luck.  


key: response
string_value:
It sounds like you are no longer committed to track emotionally.  It can be hard to talk to your dad about this, but he may think you love track and may not know you are getting so upset the days of meets.  An idea would be to first write a letter to your dad to see what feelings come out and then preparing to speak with him.  I think he will appreciate your honesty and maybe this conversation will bring you relief and also time to find something you really will enjoy.  


key: response
string_value:
Use this time to explore who you are...imagine what your life would be like if you were gay and not, ask yourself what is different? What scenario do you find yourself gravitating to?  What is important is that you are happy. My message to you is that you do not need to define yourself with your sexual preference or feel the need to label yourself, especially if you are confused and exploring what your sexual preference is.  


key: response
string_value:
This is a difficult situation to be in, as it sounds like you are feeling very isolated from both your family and your friends.   I don't know your age or gender so please excuse any incorrect assumptions about you being under 18 and use what is useful from the ideas if you are older.  One idea is to research online to find a therapist or a local clinic that has a therapist who is a "Gender Therapist" or a "Gender Specialist."  Most therapists who are transgender affirmative also have other specialties and do general therapy.  Though I don't think lying to your parents is a good idea, if you feel you truly can't talk to them about your gender, then perhaps you can find a therapist with a specialization in gender identity who can help you cope with your gender dysphoria.  You can let your parents know that you would like to see that particular therapist for other reasons, such as anxiety/worry, and that you researched them and liked their website.  Work to find a therapist who takes your parents insurance if you can.  You can also talk to the therapist on the phone first, before you talk to your parents about scheduling the first therapy visit. Therapists can help you learn some ways to manage feelings of worry, shame, and fear related to gender dysphoria. Depending on your family situation, many therapists will work to help you learn skills to safely communicate with your parents about what is troubling you.  Your parents may actually surprise you and be more accepting than you think.  Usually when parents learn that you are suffering, they want to be open to learning how they can help you, even if awkwardly at first.Reframing is a tool that helps you think about your situation from other perspectives.  It's kind of how you can look at the same picture with a different picture frame and it makes the same picture look a little different.   Keep in mind your situation is probably temporary and think about in the context of your whole long life (can you tolerate another 2 to 4 years living like you are if you have another X number of years to live?).  If you are living at home, you will eventually be more independent and be able to make more of your decisions about your gender expression. Keep the idea in mind the concept that is popular in mindfulness classes I teach, that "This too shall pass" or "This is only for now" when you start to feel hopeless. If you start to over focus on your gender or body issues, try to distract yourself with things that make you feel happy (your pet, music, art, sports etc) or stay busy.  If you can, find any GSA or LGBTIQQ youth group that you can attend confidentially, further away from home, to get some support.  Work to find an ally, one person, that you can talk to about what you are feeling. Making new friends online through social media can sometimes be a start in breaking down the isolation you feel. Another idea, if you are under 24 years old, there is a phone line (866-488-7386)  to call in case you are ever feeling you are in crisis.  You can also text chat! Trevor Project: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/There is also a trans teen online chat group if you are 12-19 http://www.glbthotline.org/transteens.htmlIf you are an adult you can get numbers to call in your state if you start to feel suicidal:http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/Day to day, can you creatively work on your gender dysphoria?  Yes!  Are there ways you can focus on parts of your body you love?  Can you focus on that when you look in the mirror?  Are you a writer?  Can you write stories or poetry about the life you imagine for yourself in the future?  Can you do small things that help you get more in touch with your gender day to day like making small choices about your clothing, like wearing clothes that are more unisex,  that only you know are gender related but others won't notice?  You cannot force others to accept you but you can work on your self-acceptance and self-compassion. That work is something that is best done in the company of others like you as well as with at least another person who gets you and whom you can trust.  Good luck to you!  


key: response
string_value:
You are not alone, many people fear opening up to family members about the topic of depression or mental illness. There are many different reason why some may fear telling their parents. The most common thoughts I hear in my office are: " My parents won't understand me", I may cause more problems to the family", "I am worried that something bad may happen if I tell them". If possible express your current concerns and worries to your parents. You can start the conversation with your parents by saying "I have not been feeling like myself lately, and I may want to see a counselor". I think you are doing the right thing by going on this website and asking for help. Just a helpful tip: positive self-talk can be beneficial before having difficult conversations with others. For example, tell yourself something positive before talking to your parents such as "I feel confident in myself, and I am doing this to overcome my fear of talking to my parents" can help to decrease the anxiety you are feeling leading up to the conversation. I would recommend if you are feeling depressed or down it would be beneficial to seek counseling to understand your current thoughts and behaviors. Best of luck and hope you decide to start counseling. 


key: response
string_value:
Thank you for asking this important question. I find that there are three steps to getting ready for treatment. Step one is expressing interest in wanting to receiving treatment for the outcome of positive behavioral change. Congratulations you did the first step! You are showing your readiness to start counseling by asking this question. Now the second step is to find a counselor who specializes in treating clients with Anxiety and Depression. The therapeutic orientations I have found to be helpful in treating clients with  Anxiety and Depression are a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with Mindfulness, and Solution Focused Brief Therapy. Receiving meditation for your symptoms if part of the treatment, and the other part is receiving counseling to increase your resilience for future events. Research has found that medication and psychotherapy treatments together shows the most effective outcome for Depression.  The third step is to increase your positive self-talk to motivate yourself to attend treatment. As counselors, we are aware of the anxieties and fears that are associated with talking to a new professional for the first time. However, remind yourself that you are doing this to improve your well being. I hope this was helpful, and good luck with your treatment journey. 


key: response
string_value:
It seems like you may be experiencing depression symptoms, they could be the triggered by unexpected life changes, or building up throughout time.The important part is that you have identified them and wanting to change them.  The first step is to establish a self-care routine that will help you to feel centered and motivated: go for walks, or make any physical activity that you enjoy ( be kind to yourself, anything helps at this point), eat balanced, add whole grains and fibers to your diet, make a point to rest at night and avoid naps, practice a hobby that you love, or look for a new one that you are curious about. You mentioned that you feel unsettled in your soul: explore your spirituality, meditate about what makes your soul at peace, and find ways to practice that or surround yourself by those activities.If you find it difficult to begin, talk to your therapist to identify roadblocks and ways to find motivation. Suicidal and homicidal thoughts are common but serious depression symptoms, discuss them with your therapist, contact your doctor or psychiatrist, and call 9-1-1 if its and emergency.Once you feel stable, you can focus on exploring the source of the problem and see if you need to make changes or learn coping skills that will help you manage it.  It will also be a good time to explore your spirituality and your purpose in life, that may help you to feel better with yourself and then happier around others.¿Cómo puedo volver a ser la persona que realmente soy?Siento que mi mente no está bien.  My espíritu está intranquilo.  No me siento feliz con las decisiones que tomo, lo cual me hace infeliz con los demás. Me siento como un fracaso la mayoría del tiempo.  Siento que ya no soy bueno para nada. Siento que soy menos que los demás.Al parecer estas experimentando síntomas de depresión, la cual puede ser causada por cambios recientes en tu vida o estarse acumulando a través del tiempo.Lo importante en este momento es que tú reconoces los síntomas y estas buscando cambiar la situación.  El primer paso sería trabajar en restablecer una rutina de cuidado personal que te ayude a sentirte emocionalmente estable y motivado: Sal a caminar o hacer alguna actividad física(ten compasión contigo mismo, cualquier cosa funciona para comenzar), comienza a comer balanceado, especialmente granos y fibras integrales, , procura descansar en las noches y evita las siestas, y practica algún tipo de actividad que hayas disfrutado en el pasado o que te de curiosidad.  Mencionaste que tu espíritu esta intranquilo, explora tu espiritualidad, y que te ayudaría a encontrar la paz, busca la manera de hacer esa práctica una rutina.Si te cuesta mucho trabajo iniciar estas actividades, será bueno buscar a un consejero para que te ayude a identificar formas de estar motivado o obstáculos que te estén deteniendo.  Es común tener pensamientos que atentan en contra de tu vida o la de otros, discútelos con tu terapeuta, con tu medico primario o psiquiatra, y llama al 9-1-1 si es una emergencia.  Ya que consigas estabilidad, puedes comenzar a trabajar o explorar la causa del problema y ver si hay cambios mayores que debes hacer o destrezas que debes aprender para manejar el mismo. También es un buen momento para explorar tu espiritualidad mas profundamente y tu propósito en la vida, cuando encontramos un propósito y como ejercerlo, tendemos a ser más felices con nosotros mismos y con los demás. 


key: response
string_value:
My first concern is you: As you stated, you have been emotionally starving for the past five years.  Please try to find time for you; to clarify your thoughts and feelings by writing, talking to a trusted friend or family member and perhaps seeing a therapist.What's really going on with your husband?  Does he discuss in detail his sudden change? Can the two of you still talk? Do you want the same things?  Before you go to couples counseling, I suggest that you get some support first to feel grounded within yourself and your life.  Make sure you are ready to hear what might come out of counseling.   I wish you the best. 


key: response
string_value:
After eight years and two children’s, people change.  I suggest to talk to him about how you feel, let him know that although he is gone for a long time, his presence as a husband and father are required and important.  Ask him if he will be willing to engage again and how he would like to do so.  Many times when the dads are away, moms design a perfect routine and they feel like they will disturb it.  Make alone time and family time for him, so you can reconnect as a couple and then as a family.¿Cómo trabajo con un esposo que solo contribuye económicamente?Mi novio de ocho amos y padre de mis dos hijos es camionero. El nunca está en casa y solo contribuye financieramente. No provee apoyo en ninguna otra forma. El viene a casa cuando puede, duerme, provee dinero y se va otra vez. No puedo lograr que haga nada conmigo y los niños. Solo duerme y trabaja.Después de ocho años y dos hijos las  personas cambian.  Te sugiero que hables con tu pareja sobre cómo te dientes, déjale saber que aunque el esta fuera la mayoría del tiempo, su presencia como pareja y padre es requerida e importante. Pregúntale si el está dispuesto a comprometerse  ser parte activa de la familia y como lo haría.  Muchas veces cuando los papás están afuera las mamás desarrollan rutinas que luego ellos no quieren interrumpir.  Crea tiempo a solas para dedicarle a el para que puedan reconectar como pareja y luego como familia. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items.  I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault.  How can I cope with feeling like this?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My mother has Alzheimer's and I can see that she has lost some of her intellectual abilities.  Even though I know this disease is not her fault, I’m still finding it difficult to separate my own feelings of disappointment and frustration when my mom seems to ignore my opinions and wishes, and seems


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that you are experiencing this. To be honest, this kind of behavior is really emotionally abusive, and you likely know that already. The unfortunate truth is, there is very little we can actually do to change another adult's behavior if they are not interested in changing it. Many people who behave in this way actually feel justified in saying what they say, or even believe that they are "helping" in some way by telling you how to improve yourself. What is actually going on is an attempt to control or change something about you by being coercive and abusive. It is important to know that this kind of behavior doesn't necessarily show up right away. That is why I am not surprised that you are a year in to this relationship and are just now noticing these behaviors. Some people actually don't see them until they are already married! You didn't mention that there has been any physical abuse, but I would warn you that this is sometimes a possibility once a person has already begun to be emotionally abusive. Other things to watch out for is your boyfriend trying to control who you hang out with, what you do and how you dress, etc. These are just more examples of emotional abuse and control. Here are some things to consider and some ideas:1. You could talk to your boyfriend about this behavior, if you believe it is safe to do so. Perhaps he will recognize that his behavior is not okay, and change. If not, then you may need to decide what you want to do about this relationship, given the fact that you cannot force him to change. 2. You can call a local domestic violence program. They do not only work with people who have been physically abused or have been married. They are trained to talk about emotional abuse, also. It may be a good thing for support. Your calls are confidential. 3. Check out the wheel in the link below. On it you will find some other common ways that abuse can happen in a relationship. If any of these are happening to you, or begin to happen, talking to a domestic violence program, a trusted friend or family member, or a counselor would be a good idea. http://www.domesticviolence-wilm.org/Portals/97/Images/violence_wheel.gif  Be well.... Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC 


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry about this life-altering situation that both you and your boyfriend are going through. To be sure, this is a devastating and lonely road for both of you. I say lonely because when things like this happen we often don't know what to say to each other, and so we suffer in silence with little support.Here are a few thoughts that I am having, and perhaps others will add things, too:1. By the sound of your main question, it seems like you have every intention to be there for your boyfriend during this difficult time. I am not sure if he is willing to talk about his health situation, but letting him know that you want to support him and also need his support may be helpful. 2. If it is possible, see if he would be willing to go to a counselor with you. There are many things that a counselor could focus on that may help your relationship, but also help you both cope with what is happening.3. If he refuses to seek support, you may want to consider going on your own. If you can't afford it, sometimes hospice organizations offer support groups and other services. It is very important not to neglect yourself. Be well,Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
She was diagnosed a type one diabetic two years ago and had a very tough time dealing with it.  She has an attachment issue also; her mother just moved to a much nicer home, and she gets angry and demands to go back to her prior home. We do not understand what is going on, and it is driving us crazy.


key: response
string_value:
Believing in God is a matter of faith.  There are many opinions out there for and against God’s existence.  But the real question is not if God is real or not, but, do you want to have faith and decide that he exists?  This is a personal choice.  Reading scripture may help to learn more about those who struggle with believing, but again, you decide if you believe that scripture is true or not.   Praying and asking for a revelation or a confirmation may help as well, but again it is another act of faith. Estoy teniendo dificultad con la idea de: ¿Dios es real o no?Tal vez es una pregunta estúpida, pero algunas veces no sé que es real o no.  Siento que todo el mundo miente. ¿Cómo se si Dios es una de esas mentiras?Creer en Dios es una cuestión de fe.  Hay muchas opiniones en favor y en contra de la existencia de Dios.  Pero la verdadera pregunta no es si Dios existe, pero si tu quieres creer que existe.  Esto es una decisión muy individual.  Leer la Biblia te puede ayudar a conocer sobre algunas personas que han dudado, pero de nuevo, tu decides si las escrituras son reales para ti. Orar y pedir una revelación o confirmación es otro acto de fe, que te puede ayudar. 


key: response
string_value:
Every area in a relationship, including intimacy,
experiences a decline after the initial honeymoon period.  Couples have to work to maintain the spark.  Find a moment to talk to your husband about
your concerns, and suggest ways to rekindle your sexual life, be open to listen
to his concerns and demands as well.  But
don’t forget that sex the fun part of being with someone, play, flirt, joke and
keep looking for ways to continue falling for each other.  Mi esposo solo tiene relaciones
conmigo una vez al mes o menos.  Me
siento rechazada y frustrada.  Esto no es
nuevo.  El primer mes que estuvimos
juntos, teníamos sexo casi todos los días. 
Luego se redujo a una vez por semana. 
Amo a mi esposo, pero esto me causa dificultad.Todas las áreas
de una relación, incluyendo la intimidad, sufren altas y bajas luego del
periodo de la luna de miel.  Las parejas tienen
que trabajar para mantener la chispa.  Encuentra
un momento para hablar con tu esposo sobre tu preocupación, y sugiere maneras
de reencender su vida sexual, está atenta a escuchar sus preocupaciones y
sugerencias al igual.  No olvides que el
sexo es una de las partes más divertidas de una relación, jueguen, coqueteen,
bromeen y continúen buscando maneras de enamorarse otra vez.


key: response
string_value:
Family support is very helpful when having these symptoms.  I suggest looking for therapist within reach (school, through your insurance or the community, calling 2-1-1).  Once you schedule a session, you can inform them and invite them to come in.   I have found trough sceptic parents, that once they give it a chance they open up to the process of learning and healing.  I also understand that parents may become overly concerned and overprotective when hearing about your symptoms, and that’s why is important to discuss them with a therapist, normalize them, understand why you experience them, and learn how they could help you. ¿Cómo les digo a mis padres que yo pienso que tengo problemas mentales?Estoy seguro que tengo depresión  ansiedad.  También escucho voces en mi cabeza.  Tengo problemas para dormir también.  Y he sido diagnosticado con déficit de atención y desorden obsesivo compulsivo.  Me he auto flagelado y solía tener ideas suicidas.  Como les dejo saber y les pido ayuda.El apoyo de la familia es muy útil cuando se experimentan los síntomas que mencionas.  Te sugiero que busques un consejero (en la escuela, a través de tu plan médico, o en la comunidad, llamando al 2-1-1).  Ya que tengas tu cita, invita a tus padres.  He observado que aunque algunos padres son escépticos al principio, pero una vez le dan una oportunidad se abren al proceso de terapia y sus beneficios. También he observado que algunos padres se vuelven sobreprotectores cuando aprenden de los síntomas que sufren sus hijos, así que sería otro beneficio que aprendieran que pueden hacer para ayudarte y apoyarte. 


key: response
string_value:
It is common to go through a stage of adjustment after a breakup, which may include depression symptoms. I recommend practicing self-care:  stressing on balancing your life with healthy eating, exercise, resting and looking at your spiritual life.  These steps should assist you in giving your body and mind some balance.  Practice cognitive reframing, this is training your brain to refocus, and stay on task.  Meditation is a great tool to clear your mind during the day as well; there are multiple apps that help. If the problem persists a therapist could assist you in learning to focus and process those thoughts and feelings that cloud you mind.¿Cómo puedo manejar la depresión después de una separación?He estado cayendo en una depresión profunda que no me permite funcionar durante el día. El único memento en el que estoy en calma es cuando duermo.  Si estoy con mis amigos, familia, en el trabajo o a solas, no puedo pensar claramente. Ya no me siento como yo.Es común pasar por un estado de ajuste después de una separación, y este ajuste puede incluir síntomas de depresión.  Recomiendo que practiques auto compasión: esforzarte en balancear tu vida comiendo saludable, ejercitándote, descansando y analizando tu vida espiritual.  Estos pasos te ayudarán a balancear tu mente y cuerpo.  También puedes practicar reenfocar tus pensamientos para mantener tu mente clara. La meditación es una buena manera de practicar el enfoque mental, y existen muchas aplicaciones que te pueden ayudar.  Si el problema persiste tu consejero te puede ayudar a aprender técnicas de enfoque a procesar pensamientos  o sentimientos que te estén afectando. 


key: response
string_value:
Your question is actually thoughtful and reflects a true interest to know more about life.No one knows if god is a lie because "god" is a concept in which people either make up their own definition of this concept, or believe one of the concepts of what god is, handed down by religions.All the religions exclude the other god concepts, and expect loyalty to believing in their particular version of "god".Probably god is real in the sense that most people want to believe there is guided purpose to what goes on in life.This is as definite as what we can know about "god"."God" is not a lie because it is not a fact.  Beliefs aren't provable. 


key: response
string_value:
  It is not a stupid question, it is very basic. To help answer your question, let me begin with the premise that you will never have absolute proof. With that being said, one can look at different phenomena in nature and history and figure what is the statistical probability that they happened randomly. If one comes to the logical conclusion that many are quite improbable, then there must be a guiding force and plan.  May you be successful in your journey.


key: response
string_value:
  As you seemed to have learned, the impact will not just "go away". Treatment of trauma is like surgery, it requires a skillful clinician to help resolve it. While you are contemplating getting help, you can focus on calming techniques like meditation and yoga. They will aid you when you begin the therapeutic process.


key: response
string_value:
  A good start is to pay attention to some basic issues: sleep, nutrition, exercise and socially supportive relationships. A great car on an empty tank will not get you very far. 


key: response
string_value:
Thanks for posting.  This is a significant issue for many people and can make us feel helpless; among other emotions due to the uncertainty.  You said that, at times, you feel like everyone is lying. Ask yourself some of these questions.  What is it that makes you feel so strongly that they are lying?  Where is the concrete evidence that they are lying? How could I test my thoughts about this? What if things are not what they seem on the surface? Am I any lesser of a person as a result of this person's behavior or opinion?  Our beliefs about ourselves and the people and our world  and how we interpret information and experiences have a significant effect on how we feel and how we behave.  It is important to objectively challenge the beliefs that contribute to negative emotions.  You can start this process by answering some of the above questions.  We are unfortunately influenced by what and who we associate with.  As it pertains to if God is a lie; be honest with yourself and question your beliefs that tell you that God is or is not real.  It may be helpful for you to speak to a preacher or chaplain of some sort and they can help you with a lot of that.  Hope this helps at least a little bit.  


key: response
string_value:
Thank you for posting.  I'm interested to hear some more information; such as, if you live by yourself or family, if you go to school/employed/unemployed, and what kind of things do you like to do with friends or by yourself.  Often times, when we are experiencing a strong emotion that we interpret as negative, we put most of our focus on that negative emotion and struggle to see that we do not always feel that specific emotion.  There are typically points in the day (even if it is for only in 1 minute intervals) when we do not feel that negative emotion.  When we overgeneralize, we use words like "always" or "never" and when we use those words and it may not be totally true, we feel the negative emotion based on an inaccuracy which is not fair to you.  Ask yourself some of these questions: Am I being realistic when I'm overgeneralizing things? Have I ever noticed a short period of time that I wasn't feeling anxious?  What do I notice when I am feeling anxious? What am I thinking about?  When was the last time I felt empathy?  What was different when I was able to feel empathy?  Hopefully this helps get you started.  


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. This is certainly a tough spot. I have a few thoughts and perhaps some colleagues will add some things. You may want to spend a few minutes calling to mind any conversations that you have had with your father about transgender issues, or if you have ever heard him talk about it. That may give you a small clue about how well he may accept this news from you. For example, if he has been watching the news lately, transgender rights is something that is being talked about a lot. Has he had an opinion? This won't tell you for sure if he would be okay with learning you are transgender, but at least you would know if there is hostility toward transgender people. To tell you the truth, the best way to tell your dad is whatever way feels right to you. There is no right or wrong way, best or worst. If you want to tell him when you are by yourself with him? That's perfect. Want to have a friend with you for support? Equally perfect. Whatever thing you need to do. And, of course, there is always the option of not telling him anything until you are comfortable doing so. Unfortunately, the response from your dad can't be predicted. Some parents are totally cool.... others not so much. This is one reason why having someone with your for support is sometimes a good idea. If things get heated, you have someone in your corner. There are therapists who specialize in affirmative therapy, and they may be very helpful to you in working out how you want to tell him. You can also Google some stories about how others came out.I refer many people to the www.letsqueerthingsup.com blog. It is a popular blog written by a trans man that I know. He writes on many topics related to trans issues. Hope some of these suggestions help. Be well... be you.. and good luck!Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC 


key: response
string_value:
Empathy is the ability
to tap into our own experience to help us connect with others in order to be
aware of how they are experiencing life. 
It is a skill that we learn with practice and refine as we become mature.
If you are feeling anxious, maybe you are able to understand better others who
are going trough anxiety.  But I wonder
if instead of feeling empathy, you may just want to find ways to reduce your
anxiety.  A good idea is to be very aware
of your anxiety triggers, and once you identify them explore other ways you
could react. ¿Sera normal que no sienta empatía?Parece que no puedo experimentar ninguna otra emoción que
no sea ansiedad, ni si quiera por mí misma. Empatía es la habilidad de usar tus propias
experiencias para conectarte con otros y estar consciente de la manera que
ellos experimentan la vida.  Es una
destreza interpersonal que aprendemos y refinamos con la práctica y según maduramos
como personas.  Si te estás sintiendo
ansioso, tal vez puedas comprender mejor como otra persona experimenta momentos
de ansiedad.  Pero me pregunto si en
lugar de estar buscando sentir empatía, realmente quisieras reducir tus niveles
de ansiedad.  Una buena manera es estar consciente
que activa la ansiedad, y ya que lo identifiques, explora que otras reacciones
pudieras tener.


key: response
string_value:
I don't know how long ago your breakup was, but I would suggest that you reach out to friends or family that you trust and perhaps a local mental health clinician.I'm not sure what you mean when you say that you are not able to function during the day and night. If you are having trouble sleeping for more than a few nights, consider talking with your primary care physician. Not sleeping can really make changes in your emotions seem much larger.Can you find anything in your life that is the same as it was before the breakup? This may be a starting point for you. I wonder if you could think of and moment or two each day when you feel emotionally at peace while you are awake. Also consider looking at things that you can control, such as when you choose to wear, eat, and who you talk to about your deepest feelings.You mentioned that you have friends and family. I wonder if any of them are supportive to you.Please reach out and talk to someone about the details. I get the sense that you feel that you are alone in this, and having someone there to help you sort out what you're feeling sounds like it would be a gift to yourself. 


key: response
string_value:
First I think we have to acknowledge that you are doing something amazing.  You are putting yourself out there and becoming a Water Safety Instructor.   We often times will focus on the negative and forget about the positive.  Next, you had an incident where someone pointed something out which may have caused embarrassment.  Whether or not it was malicious on his part I think the important thing to focus on is what is called "Common Humanity".  Common Humanity is one of the three elements of self-compassion.  Common humanity essentially recognizes that suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience.  While you may have had this embarrassing moment at this time, that boy may have had an embarrassing moment another day.  We all have embarrassing moments.  When we recognize that we do not suffer in isolation then we are able to move past that suffering.  Additionally another element to self-compassion is self-kindness.  My question is why must you forgive yourself?  Rather, be kind to yourself for learning an amazing new talent.  


key: response
string_value:
I am wondering who is telling you that sex is dangerous.  Is this medical advice, or is this someone’s
opinion trying to scare you from having sex? 
And if so, how old are you? Is it ok to have sex, do you want to have
sex?  It sounds like you want to make
your partner happy, and that you are taking care of protecting yourself and
your partner, but maybe you are forgetting to consider what do you really want.  Having sexual relations is a very personal decision;
you and your partner have to consent.  It
is also important to talk about the possible consequences and being responsible
for them as well.  But sex should be something
that you enjoy, not that you should be fearful of.  A therapist can help you to process those
negative thoughts and feelings that may impair you from enjoying your sexual
life. ¿Cómo puedo superar mi miedo de un
embarazo no deseado y poder tener sexo otra vez?Estoy
aterrorizado de tener sexo porque me han dicho una y otra vez que el sexo es
peligroso, inclusive cuando yo y mi pareja usamos dos métodos de protección.  Mi pareja no está contenta y simplemente
quiere más sexo, y honestamente, yo quiero darle lo que ella quiere.Me pregunto quién
te está diciendo que el sexo es peligroso. 
¿Esto es aviso medico, o es alguien intentando asustarte para que no
tengas relaciones?  ¿Y si es así, que
edad tienes?  ¿Es apropiado que tengas
sexo a tu edad?  ¿Quieres tener sexo? Me
parece que estas enfocado en hacer feliz a tu pareja, y te estás protegiendo y protegiéndola,
pero tal vez están olvidando analizar que tu quieres realmente.  Recuerda que tener una relación sexual es una
decisión personal, en la que tú y tu pareja deben de estar de acuerdo.   También es importante hablar de las posibles
consecuencias de tener relaciones, como un embarazo, y discutir sus opciones e
intenciones, si eso ocurriera.  Ya que
han tenido comunicación al respecto, el sexo debe ser algo que disfruten,  no que temen. 
Un terapista te puede ayudar a procesar esos pensamientos negativos y
los sentimientos que te pudieran impedir disfrutar de tu vida sexual.


key: response
string_value:
The fact that you mention that he is "constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out," suggests that Discernment Counseling might be a really good fit for you both. Discernment counseling is a protocol for partners where one or both aren't certain they want to remain in the relationship. It's a brief (1-5 sessions) and intentionally focused on helping partners talk through (primarily individually) their reasons for and against staying in the relationship - as well as confront their own contributions that lead to the relationship crisis. It's aimed at helping the couple reach a clear understanding of which path they are going to take, not asking anyone to change just yet, so it can be a lot less intimidating and more to the point than couples therapy.  You can look to find a local therapist providing this service here. That said, I agree with other respondents that if he is deciding to leave, seeking out support for yourself would be incredibly helpful. You may need to accept his decision, but you can certainly feel whatever emotions you have.  You are allowed to feel exactly how you feel, and it's likely you'll be sad, or angry or hurt or disappointed or scared, or any combination of any/all of those. Having someone there who can validate those emotions and help you to process the grief that naturally comes with the end of a relationship can be a huge help in finding a place of healing and regaining a sense of self, a sense of hope. 


key: response
string_value:
Seeking professional help does not mean that you will necessarily be admitted into an inpatient setting - though  to be honest, that can become an option if you feel unsafe or if you are unable to plan for safety. However, many clients who struggle with self-harm can find help in outpatient settings - particularly those which offer a treatment called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Looking for a DBT professional or group therapy setting may be particularly helpful, but a skilled professional can help you to figure out how to identify other options even when you are experiencing overwhelming emotions. Without knowing your location, I also recommend searching to find your local helpline or suicide prevention hotline. The volunteers on the other end of the line can be very helpful even if your intention is not suicide and they are likely also to be able to connect you with resources in your area. Calling into the helpline may also be a first step alternative to self-harming when you're feeling overwhelmed. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
A year ago, the love of my life left me and never looked back. Our son was two months old at the time and it broke my heart. I miss her so much and can't seem to get over  being so heartbroken.


key: response
string_value:
Relationships at any amount of distance can be so hard! It makes sense that you are encountering more anxiety than usual given that major change in your relationship. And you're right that being separated from our partners can heighten our insecurities and worries about not only our relationship security but about our partner's interest. Have you talked with your boyfriend about this struggle you're feeling? It can be hard to have this kind of conversation without triggering a sense of blame and subsequent defensiveness in our partners, but it really is possible. If you have any concerns about being able to do this, then a session or two with a local counselor or therapist might be really helpful - and it really can be just about finding the way to share what you're feeling.As far as coping with anxiety, there are a lot of options but I highly recommend an app called Self-Help for Anxiety Management. There's so much good information in this app to help you learn to pay attention to what kinds of thoughts are helpful or unhelpful, and there are also lots of activities for calming down and decreasing the intensity of that anxiety. The best part is, it's free! 


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. While counselors work closely with medical providers, and sometimes have discussions about medications with people, we rarely make recommendations about how much or what type of medication a person should be taking. This is because prescribing and advising on medication is out of our scope of practice. The only exception would be if a counselor is also a physician, nurse practitioner, physician's assistant, etc. Having said that, I certainly understand that anxiety is a real serious problem that many folks struggle with. If you are currently not in therapy to help you with these panic attacks, you should consider it. Medications can be helpful for anxiety, and medications like Xanax may help for immediate relief, but they do nothing to deal with the root of anxiety and may not help with anxiety long-term. Therapists who have experience in exposure therapies would be good people to start with. Exposure therapy has good outcomes for people with anxiety disorders and panic attacks. If you are interested in speaking with your provider about the Xanax, I think explaining it the way you did on here is just fine. The provider will then decide if they feel comfortable increasing your medication. Please remember that medical providers are not trying to give people a hard time. Medications like Xanax really are highly addictive. The more you take, the more you may feel you need. The more often you may feel you need to use it. Depending on the frequency and amount of use, some people suffer serious withdrawal symptoms when they do not take the medication. It is a good idea to talk to medical provider about all of those things so that you can partner on right course of action to manage this anxiety. I certainly hope that you get some relief.... I know anxiety is awful.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC 


key: response
string_value:
It could be really helpful to see a counselor/therapist about your increasing depression/panic symptoms. Finding out the cause of depression/anxiety isn't always as straightforward as it seems, since both issues tend to become patterns we engage in rather than solely related to a specific trigger/reason. For example, if I am feeling down about a particular circumstance in my life, then I start seeing life through this lens of feeling down, and typically I'll start to see a lot more that I get down about, and it can really build very quickly on itself. Same with anxiety. Obviously, this is a very simplified example and it can be very difficult to see how the pattern is maintained, but that's where working with a counselor/therapist comes in. I would be curious about whether you can start to notice the initial sensations of panic, and if you can (through the panic attack) continue to maintain awareness of the actual physical sensations. Even better if you can talk yourself through the sensations you're feeling - such as saying to yourself "Okay, I'm breathing really rapidly, and my heart is racing, now my palms are sweaty and my chest is feeling really tight..." Reminding yourself that it's just your body's reaction to stress, and while it might be overreacting right now, you're okay and eventually it will go away. I highly recommend the SAM for Anxiety Management app for the anxiety piece, and I wouldn't be surprised if addressing the anxiety helped to address some of the depression too. 


key: response
string_value:
I would be curious about there potentially being some emotional or physical trauma in your daughter's history that she is struggling with. Physical trauma is usually easier to identify, but emotional trauma can be feeling a lack of emotional connection in her important relationships, having experienced bullying, or some other emotional injury. The fact that there are some defiance symptoms going on suggests that she might be in need of a safe place to process what she's going through, and the potential issue with control or meeting emotional needs with food is also concerning. I would recommend looking for a therapist/counselor who works with children/adolescents in the area of addressing trauma for an assessment. They may be able to ask the right questions to see whether trauma is truly the issue. 


key: response
string_value:
My answer is going to be super simplistic but I believe this may be what you need. Ask your husband if he wants to stay married to you.  If he says yes, then it would be helpful to go to a marriage counselor and work this out with a professional.  If he says no, then you can file for divorce.  


key: response
string_value:
Though I don't know for sure, it sounds like anxiety to me. I think it would be helpful if you work with a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders. 


key: response
string_value:
Have you brought up the topic as to the way you're feeling?The best way for someone to understand us or to understand someone, is to directly talk about  the specific problem.To start the discussion w your partner, understand your own reasons for continuing the relationship.Given his stated disinterest in the relationship, your mood is probably affected by this.Once you are clear on how the range of your feelings, especially any fears on being alone, suggesting you may be staying w this guy simply to avoid such fears, then you'll be ready w your self-knowledge, to start a conversation w your partner about your relationship. 


key: response
string_value:
Yes, it seems like you may have a type of anxiety: but considering that it is intermittent, it may be a good idea to talk to a therapist and explore what triggers the anxiety.  Different types of anxiety are caused by different scenarios, memories, or stressors.   Once you identify what triggers the anxiety, you may be able to identify the coping mechanism that will help you handle your symptoms.¿Tengo algún tipo de ansiedad?A veces estoy bien, puedo salir a reunirme con personas, pero otros días, mi corazón se acelera y las palabras no salen de mi boca.   Siempre pensé que era normal y que solo estaba nervioso, pero el otro día, me tomo casi 30 minutos encontrar el valor para salir del carro y entrar a Target.Si parece que tienes un tipo de ansiedad, y considerando que es intermitente, puede ser útil hablar con un consejero para explorar su causa.   Hay diferentes tupos de ansiedad que son causados por diferentes estímulos, memorias y escenarios. Ya que logres identificar que causa tu ansiedad, entonces podrás aprender mecanismos de defensa que te ayuden a controlar la ansiedad. 


key: response
string_value:
   Feeling rejected and frustrated is a reasonable reaction to your experience with your husband. I want to encourage you that his actions may have little to do with you, and regardless of outcomes, I hope you find the help you need to process through your pain and still have hope for your marriage.   If your husband was to work with me I'd explore with him his understanding of, and experience with, intimacy in relationship with others. Furthermore, like other male clients of mine, I'd challenge your husband to secure an updated full medical exam from his PCP (primary care physician) and/or urologist in order to identify or rule out any organic issues which may be causing his apparent lack of desire for sexual intimacy. If there are no physical issues, per se, I would encourage your husband to process further his family of origin story-line regarding rules, roles, sex, and sexuality along with working through his sexual and trauma histories. 


key: response
string_value:
   The comments here from the other therapists are "spot on". As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist-Candidate I'm convinced your partner's acting out creates trauma for you. Your partner's addiction is NOT your fault and his recovery IS his responsibility. What's paramount is for you to get immediate help from an experienced therapist who understands trauma as result of the partner's/spouse's problematic sexual behaviors. Your needs, safety, and the establishment of reasonable boundaries is vital to your well-being. I wish you the very best.Resources for Your Consideration: 1) https://www.iitap.com/, 2) https://www.sanon.org/, 3) http://www.cosa-recovery.org/


key: response
string_value:
   It took a lot of courage to share what must be so shameful to you and to ask for help. Regardless of your sexual attraction/orientation, I'd encourage you to get honest with yourself and your partner/fiancee and put a temporary hold on your wedding plans -- getting married will NOT resolve your acting out. It seems to me you need more space, time to sort through with an experienced therapist more of your sex/sexuality story-line and apparent anxiety surrounding the upcoming nuptials. In the immediate I encourage you to also take the initiative to have yourself tested for STDs, etc. and if you've been sexually intimate with your partner/fiancee s/he needs to be similarly tested. Best wishes.Resources for Your Consideration: 1) The book "Not Gay: Sex between Straight White Men" by Jane Ward, 2) http://www.sca-recovery.org/, 3) https://slaafws.org/


key: response
string_value:
   The information from the other therapists here is sound and prudent. There are what sounds to be real legal (is this man a RSO [registered sex offender]; is he prohibited from being in proximity to minors? use/possession of child porn violates any # of state and federal statues...) and safety issues at play here. Your husband's daughters have an immediate "need to know" and this can be done developmentally-contextual, factually and in a non-shaming fashion. I would further counsel that you and your husband (his daughters welfare is at stake) seek immediate legal counsel. The ex-wife here seems to be between a "rock and a hard place" of her own creation -- she desperately needs care, treatment for herself. Resources for Your Consideration: 1) http://www.missingkids.com/home; 2) https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/citizens-guide-us-federal-law-child-pornography


key: response
string_value:
   Thanks for sharing as it shows your humanity and that you have a sensitive conscience. In your example here I'd encourage you to always think, "safety first"; and never offer a stranger at the accident scene "...several hundred dollars". Why? Because it could go badly against you (i.e. extortion, robbed, or would this be considered a bribe).   To the point, I'm reminded of Steps Eight and Nine in many 12-step programs regarding making amends. In your specific example since the injured unidentified party departed, and by your own admission you've been doing random acts of kindness, it seems to me you've acted in reasonable good faith fashion to make amends. Well done.   I'm not a karma expert but as a therapist I would invite you to explore the deeper story behind your use of the words "cowardly", "guilty", and what it does for you to engage in "random acts of kindness". What a fascinating journey this could be for you. Best wishes.


key: response
string_value:
This is perhaps the deepest question that one can ask of themselves and the answer is as elusive as the deepest enigma. We are fluid beings, we are never the same from day to day, we learn or unlearn, we evolve or some of us even devolve, we are in a state of constant flux, changing and adapting, like a cloud in the sky that has its shape changed by the wind, life whittles us away and carves us constantly, trying to understand this question is like trying to bite your own teeth, however we can have a sense of what we would call our core and to understand the core, we need to live and to experience, but also to think deeply, analytically, and critically, by engaging with life we get a sense that we are like the Earth itself, inside of us there is a core, just as there is inside our planet but our continents shift and change over time, like those continents so does our own nature shift throughout our lives.  


key: response
string_value:
Imagine your best friend just told you that her husband lied to her all the time and that he had broken every promise he ever made to her. What would you tell her? If I were her best friend I'd tell her to run the other way. You may love this man. We don't choose who we love. But the evidence is pretty clear, isn't it? A healthy relationship cannot be built on a foundation of lies and broken promises. I believe that as adults, we are always treated as well as we insist on being treated by our partners. If you continue to accept unacceptable behavior, you are likely to see lots more of it. 


key: response
string_value:
The older I get, the more I believe that our real task isn't to 'find' ourselves. We're already 100% "there." What we do have to do is become more mindful of the times when we feel the most alive, most happy, most creative, and most fully engaged with life. It is in those moments that we find ourselves.For example, I couldn't help loving the people or things I loved, no matter who tried to talk me out of them. All I needed to do was notice when my heart opened and I felt the most alive--not because I was afraid or addicted, but because in those moments, I was in contact with my highest self. On the flip side, I needed to recognize the people and activities that consistently brought out the worst in me--the ones that made me feel controlled, constricted, dishonest, resentful, or afraid--and be honest about them. Mindfulness of "what already is" is the key to finding yourself. Align yourself with the people and activities that matter most to you. Don't let old habits, crappy jobs, or mean-spirited people define you. Just stumble your way forward as best you can, with greater self-awareness followed by affirmative action..   


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. You may be right, your physical symptoms of getting sick to your stomach may very well be your nerves or anxiety. That is totally normal and understandable given your circumstances. Another thing that is not unusual is that you feel better when you sit and rock. That is actually a fairly common way that many people comfort themselves in times of high stress. If you are concerned that there is an actual physical illness causing these symptoms, you may want to visit your primary care provider. They may tell you that they don't see anything physically wrong with you, and at that point you may want to visit a counselor about the symptoms and your relationship experience. A visit with a counselor may be a good idea either way. I work as a counselor in primary care, and I promise you that many people have very real physical symptoms when they have gone through abuse. Unexplainable stomach and headaches are very common. Sometimes, with counseling, those physical symptoms actually stop. Be well, and I hope you feel better soon.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC 


key: response
string_value:
I would ask you first what made you give him another chance after he repeatedly lied and broke every promise to you?  I would imagine if he repeatedly lied to you that it will damage your ability to trust him now.  Is he in therapy? Does he recognize that he has a problem and is he trying to repair it?  Even if he truly forgot to tell you about the woman at work I think the real issue here is TRUST.  I am not saying that he doesn't have a lying problem.  Instead of asking someone else if you should be upset, ask yourself how you truly feel about him and this situation.  


key: response
string_value:
if he as cheated on you multiple times it is not healthy for you to continue seeing him.  However It takes time to heal your pain. You are not a robot that can just switch off your emotions.  Please surround yourself with people who can support and empower you. 


key: response
string_value:
Have an honest and open conversation with her about how her behavior is negatively impacting you ( and others).  You will feel good knowing you did the right thing.  


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. I know that workplaces have some latitude when it comes to requiring certain behaviors from their employees. For example, they may require you to tell them if you get into some kind of legal trouble. But this situation seems completely different. For one thing, 12 step meetings are supposed to be anonymous. I am not sure how they would know that you attended unless you or someone else told them. I agree that it seems like to cross a line. Usually each state has an office that manages complaints related to employment, such as the Department of Labor or EEOC. You may want to see which entity is in your state and contact them. It would be worth asking them to see if this is a legal practice. If it is but you still want/need to stay at this job, then you may want to look for alternate sources of support for your sobriety. There are active online support groups that would allow you to do things from the privacy of your home. SMART Recovery http://www.smartrecovery.org/ is a website that many people like. There are also online groups that specifically discuss the 12 steps. No matter what, I give you a lot of credit for doing your best to keep your sobriety and continuing to see the value in having support. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My wife and I got separated because I asked about her contact with a male friend of hers. The next day, she kicked me out.  She let me move back two days later. Yesterday, she said she wanted a divorce then quickly changed her mind. I asked if the other guy was a factor, but she says it's not my business.


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. First, I want you to know that you are certainly not alone on this issue. Everyone, at some point in time, has a fear of public embarrassment. But for many people, this fear can become so awful that it begins to have a real negative impact on their quality of life.  They will try to avoid any situation that they even THINK will cause them embarrassment or anxiety. Escaping a possible embarrassing moment by avoiding or isolating may cause some relief at first, but then many times the avoidance will eventually lead to loneliness, isolation, and even despair. By avoiding, we can also miss out on things that make us feel alive and bring enjoyment. There are many self-help books that offer advice on this issue. You can do an internet search, and I recommend reading the reviews of the book. That is  great way to find out if others have found the book helpful. Another option is to seek a counselor to help you with this fear. I would recommend a counselor who specializes in helping people who have anxiety or social anxiety. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is  a good choice for helping with anxiety, but there are many others. The truth is that anxiety and fear of embarrassing ourselves is not something that any of us will ever "get over", but we can learn to respond to those feelings differently. A colleague may offer some other advice, as well.. Be wellRobin Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
Sometime when small thing happen, like losing a comb, I get furious.  I even start throwing things. Do I have a problem?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My boyfriend and I have been arguing every night about the same thing. He also tells me that if I  go visit my mother out of state he will be gone when I get back.  He and my mother do not get along. What should I do?


key: response
string_value:
This is actually more common then we often realize, and actually understandable, as he has gone through a trauma, an unresolved existential crisis.  He was taken care of by others and now is again left alone with his own internal, and rather horrific inner struggle.In my work with CCT, or Contextual Conceptual Therapy, (see www.suicidetherapy.com) I have learned how trapped suicidal people are in their own isolation, also called a "mysterious isolation," a form of self protection which cuts the off from their Self, or spirit.  And unless they address this message from their soul, accompany a guide on a journey to discover their own missing information, that is to recognize how their own uncomforted emotional pain has resulted in a coping stategy which has effectively cut themselves off from their own beauty, their Self, and their ability to receive love from themselves and others. Their attempt to kill themselves is a cry from their soul or spirit that they cannot live the life they are living any longer.  They take this literally and try to end their life, when in fact what their soul or spirit is saying is they need to begin to live the life they came here to live. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful.  Now he is depressed and hopeless again.


key: response
string_value:
This is your experience, your feeling and you are wondering if it is normal, which means is this common or the rule. This question about how you feel about your third child leads me to believe you are dis- turbed [etymology: agitated or stirred up].  Feelings are messages from our soul or spirit that something is not right.  So, though  it might be normal [common, the rule]  to look forward to a one year olds nap time when you have a three year old a nine year old, the dis- turbance or stirring up in you, is important and requires your attention, your listening, if you will to your higher self.     


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. This is a very serious time. I don't mean to frighten you, but you are right to be concerned. The time right after people leave the hospital after receiving psychiatric services is a time of high risk for suicide. It is very important, after hospitalization, to get follow-up care with a professional as soon as possible. If your husband has an established therapist, this is the time to call. It is also a good time to alert your support system of friends, family, clergy or others to let them know he is still struggling. This is good support for him AND you.It is important to think about means and opportunity to make another attempt. Means really do matter.  So, if you have a firearm in the home, it is really important to remove it. You can't remove all things that a person may hurt themselves with, but some things are more lethal than others. Firearms are very lethal. I am not sure what means he used last time, but try to reduce the opportunity for him to access it again. This is where your support system can help out. People can take turns hanging out with him until you are sure the crisis is over.If you believe that an attempt is going to occur, talk to your husband about going back to the hospital. If he refuses, you will want to find out what your options are to have him go even if he doesn't want to. I know the thought of that really hurts, but it can save his life. Calling 9-1-1 is always a good option if you are not sure. Usually a suicide crisis, meaning they want to harm themselves right now, lasts a few minutes, hours or days. Sometimes when you get them through the crisis stage, they no longer want to commit suicide. But, as you are indicating, that feeling of wanting to commit suicide can come back again. So, it is always good to have a plan. If you want more information, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They will always answer: 1-800-273-8255. They can help you create a specific safety plan. I do hope things work out alright. Be well. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC 


key: response
string_value:
  The short answer to your question is "No" it's not okay for anyone to ever be doing this. There's a lot of unanswered questions and other factors going on here that need attention. Nevertheless, don't hesitate to seek out legal counsel and/or call 911.    Ideally, your fiancé  would be able to speak directly to her ex-husband and set reasonable boundaries that honor whatever legal agreements are in force resultant from the divorce and custody agreements.  The fact that she's afraid to say anything to him about his inappropriate behavior, and that she hasn't been able to give you any reason for her fear, suggests possible factors of past abusive behaviors, entitlement, and/or co-dependence.   I hope things work out well for all and I'm confident a skilled therapist could help all navigate how best to set boundaries and experience greater healing.  


key: response
string_value:
  I'm thankful to read your husband found care and that his suicide attempt wasn't successful.   While he was hospitalized, and prior to his release, your husband would've been provided in writing a self-care action plan. This typically includes things like committing to a contract 'not to harm' and what to do if he felt overwhelmed by his anger, depression, and hopelessness (e.g. call 911, call therapist, go to nearest hospital emergency department). Additionally, his protocol would've provided instructions for his taking medication(s) as directed, having a follow-up appointment(s) with his psychiatrist/psychologist/clinical social worker, and participating in some form of small group support.  If your husband's struggling as you describe, and you are feeling overwhelmed or frightened for his (your) safety, I'd encourage you to seek immediate assistance.  


key: chroma:document
string_value:
How do therapists classify the type of personality their clients have?  What characteristics do they look at to decide what type of personality the client has? I've read about this online, but I'd like to understand this from a therapist's point of view.


key: response
string_value:
  Thanks for sharing and asking for help.  You mention that you're the one who ended the relationship in the past, yet are haunted by nightmares and flashbacks. Your comments here lead me to wonder that you may have experienced some form of trauma in this past relationship; and, if so, I would encourage you to additionally consider the whole of your story-line as it relates to trauma. Doing so will serve you well for your own peace-of-mind especially so in your current relationship.  The best way to do all of this in a supportive fashion is to work with an experienced therapist who specializes in trauma-focused care. The therapist may, if indicated, wish to to incorporate EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which "...is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences.  Best wishes.Resource for Your Consideration: http://www.emdr.com/


key: response
string_value:
This is a great question, and I am happy to have the opportunity to explain my approach. When I am determining what type of personality a client has, I take my time and really absorb their lens/ point of view to themselves and others. Determining a personality type takes some time getting to know the person, and building rapport. After taking time to get to know them, and learning about their view they have of themselves and others, it is important to pick-up on more specific personality traits, which comprehensively contribute to a personality type. Clinicians, including myself, often witness certain traits that are enduring and consistent, which indicate a type of personality. For example, if a therapist is noticing that a client is exhibiting traits of organization, needing to be on time, planning, and perfectionism, these traits contribute to the "type A personality". In addition to utilizing clinical judgment, clinicians often use personality assessments and follow the guidelines of the DSM-5/ ICD-10. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My boyfriend  and I have a toxic relationship due to his emotional and verbal abuse but he makes me feel like I could never find someone better, and that I can't be happy without him.

How do I get away from this relationship?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I empathize so much, even with characters on tv or in video games, that I actually feel physical pain. This has made life difficult to say the least.

I believe I have an actually case of something called hyper empathy disorder. But since it's such a new disorder I can't find any information about it. Could this be what is going on with me?


key: response
string_value:
I don't think it's appropriate to give your counselor a bottle of wine. Your counselor helped you and supported you, which is great, But a gift is inappropriate. I can understand that you want to show your gratitude. There are many other ways to do that. You could drop your counselor a note or card, thank him in person, or tell him how much he helped you. These small gestures can be very meaningful for both of you. 


key: response
string_value:
Oh, crying in therapy is very normal! I have a stack of kleenex boxes in my office. Cry away, therapist are very used to it:) First time being in therapy is scary, but you'll soon know if you are a good match. 


key: response
string_value:
Anxiety can cause such a feeling of discomfort in our bodies that it can seem unbearable. The concern that I can hear in what you have written is that the thought of having some anxiety has now left you uncomfortable with any anxiety at all - and that can become a problem, indeed. As opposed to thinking about your anxiety as something much bigger than you, it could be helpful to start breaking it down. What are the things specifically that cause you anxiety about this new job? Is it being away from your family? If so, why? Once you start breaking down what causes you to feel anxiety into smaller "mouthfuls", then we are far better able to understand what has led to discomfort and start to problem solve the issue. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job.

People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?


key: response
string_value:
A failed suicide attempt is commonly thought of as a “cry for help,” however it can also be a serious attempt to find a permanent solution to depression, hopelessness or other feelings a person feels are unbearable. It’s wonderful that you want to support your husband, but If your husband is feeling depressed and hopeless, you can best help him by getting him to a mental health professional. Feelings of hopelessness and depression, and previous attempts at suicide are all risk factors for future suicide attempts. With a mental health professional, or in the emergency room of a hospital, your husband should be evaluated for suicidal thoughts, intent and plan, and if he is a danger to himself he should probably be hospitalized again until he is stable. Without knowing the particulars, your husband may suffer from Major Depressive Disorder or some other illness on the depressive spectrum. In that case medication could help him immensely, at which point you can offer your support and encouragement him to practice gentle self-care. And do not forget to practice it for yourself.  Remember: a suicide attempt not only affects the person, but it is an immense stressor for his or her loved ones as well. As they say, “put your oxygen mask on first.” Then you will be better able to provide your husband with calm and loving care and attention.Kayla Schwartz, LMSWkayla@nyccounseling.com


key: response
string_value:
The short answer is yes - if you feel 'really guilty after a night of drinking', then you probably have a problem. What you could do is visit this website by the National Institutes of Health: http://rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov/How-much-is-too-much/  There you will find information on how many drinks is too much, and the general answer for women is more than seven drinks in a week. There is also a quiz you can take anonymously that will help you determine if your drinking is a problem. The good news is that you can get help for substance abuse through counseling, self-help programs, or alcoholics anonymous. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I'm a female in my mid 20s.  Lately I tend to over drink and I've become a very angry drunk. 

In the past, I have even cheated on my boyfriend while I was under the influence of alcohol. 

But now, even if I don't do anything wrong and don't embarrass myself, I still feel really guilty after a night of drinking. I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Does this mean I have a problem?


key: response
string_value:
I appreciate that you are concerned about your husband's emotions and want to support him as best you can right now. I imagine that you must be going through your own difficult time too. You've had a complicated shock and trauma in your life and in your marriage; it's normal for both of your emotions to move from hope to despair to fear, anger, gratitude... there is no wrong way to feel and there is no particular pattern your emotions or his will follow. Try not to assume what he is feeling but ask him instead. "How are you doing today?" is something that can be asked over and over again and your love and compassion for him will come through. If he has a hard time talking, you can share your observations. "I notice you're more withdrawn. This worries me." Certainly it will help you if you know what he's thinking and feeling because he hid his intentions to hurt himself. It's normal that you want to know. If there is depression and hopelessness, this likely was part of what led to his initial despair. There is help out there. Depression is treatable, and seeking that treatment is important right now at this vulnerable time. This is the kind of complex situation that can be assisted by a therapist who is qualified to help you both understand and manage your emotions. Whether your husband seeks help or not, I hope that you do. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
On the first day of school I wore a bra that was too big so that it would look like I had bigger boobs.  I did that the whole school year and my parents never found out. But now I can never hang out with my friends at my house or invite them over because it would be around my parents and my friends would see there is nothing there on my chest. 

How do I fix this?


key: response
string_value:
Human attractions can be tricky things, and in this case - a power dynamic. In the workplace, a boss usually has the power to hire, fire, set schedules, approve vacations, and evaluate performance. Because of this power dynamic, most employee handbooks expressly forbid supervisors and their direct employees being in a romantic relationship. Perhaps you should check your employee handbook.  It is possible that if you or your supervisor act on your feelings, one of you might have to be reassigned, or if no reassignment is available, asked to resign. While you may be attracted to your boss, and your feelings may be strong, it might be in your best interests to resist acting upon them. 


key: response
string_value:
Yes, this emotional abuse.  There is no abuse without emotional abuse.  His abuse is demeaning and can have lasting negative impact on your perspective of your self and people around you.  Please find someone support to talk to.  


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I was with my friends fishing by a pond. I found a frog and stabbed it with my friend's knife. I'm not sure why I did it. My friends saw me do it it and were shocked and got really mad at me.

Now if someone brings it up I get really upset and panicked. I don't know why I feel like this. Does this mean there is something wrong with me?


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that you are struggling. I have a few thoughts and perhaps some of my colleagues will add something else. Depression and anxiety can both be chronic conditions, as you have experienced. This means that they may always require treatment in order to have some kind of relief from them. Treatment could mean medication or some kind of counseling. Some people may take medication for the rest of their lives. Some people may go to counseling at times when the depression and anxiety worsens. As you mentioned, sometimes the symptoms improve for a little while, but they can also come back. When they do, it is important to talk to your medical provider if you are getting medication, and/or to go back to your counselor and talk to them about the symptoms that have returned. Skin picking and some other behaviors are not uncommon for people who are experiencing something like anxiety. Many people report that they do this when they feel anxious, and some say it calms them down. It is not really a surprise that you are constantly trying to change things and even starting fights to do so. These are ways to try to avoid, escape and distract yourself from the feelings of anxiety and depression. That is a very normal thing to do. Nobody likes these feelings, and so distraction is something we naturally try in order to get rid of them. The problem is that things like distraction and escape do not work as a long-term solution. In fact, they usually make things worse for many different reasons. Depression and anxiety can  be treated, but it is likely something you will need some help with. I would recommend finding a counselor who has experience with anxiety and depression. Medication can be helpful, but I still recommend counseling. The reason for this is that the medication can help with symptoms, while the counseling can address the symptoms and provide you with very helpful skills. Be well,Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC 


key: response
string_value:
First off, don't blame yourself or be too quick to jump to any scary conclusions.  Human sexuality can be incredibly complex at times (e.g., what turns us on at one time may not be what turns us on the next time). There could actually be a number of things going on including him having performance anxiety...maybe he had a bad experience with a previous partner that's left him scared to try again (we call this operant conditioning).  It could also be that he puts you in a different category than previous lovers.  Sometimes I refer to this as the "hooker-housewife mentality" where a partner somehow gets the idea that when we truly fall in love, we treat that one differently; almost up on a pedestal.  Drives many partners crazy until they're aware that this is going on and give their boyfriend/ girlfriend permission to enjoy both the naughty and the nice with them. It could also be that he's not even aware that he's not doing these things. If you haven't asked him yet, you might try gently approaching the subject when you're not already in the bedroom or trying to get in on and inquire what he most enjoys about sex with you (or has enjoyed in the past, or thinks he might enjoy).  You can also share your favorite highlights of sex with him.  Give him an ego boost and tell him what he does well while then asking him if he'd be down to go downtown.  "Baby, it REALLY turns me on when you kiss me during sex."If you continue to get the impression that it's somehow only about YOU or that he's just really hesitant to talk about sex in general, you might see if he'd be cool to chat with a counselor who specializes in sexual intimacy. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
Over a year ago I had a female friend. She turned out to be kind of crazy so I decided to stop talking to her.  When she would call me I wouldn't answer the phone. This made my girlfriend really suspicious. She would ask me why I wouldn't ever answer that phone number. I told my girlfriend that I don't want to be friends with that other woman, but I don't think she believes me. How can I get my girlfriend to understand?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for.  Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?


key: response
string_value:
Open and honest communication can go a long way in situations like yours. Your girlfriend may be suspicious if you don't give her enough information. Answer her questions fully. Ask for her suggestions as to how to handle this female friend. Ask for your girlfriend for help in getting the female friend to understand that you are not interested in continuing the friendship. If you are honest with your friend, your girlfriend will probably feel like you are being honest with her. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I've been with my partner for 4 years. She's given me no reason not to trust her. But lately I've been overreacting a lot when she's just doing normal things. I think it's triggering my bad past relationships.

How can I get rid of these insecurities and be more trusting with her?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I'm a teenager and I get these really intense mood swings. 

My mood will be really high and I'll think of something that I want to do. When I start to make it happen I get irritated by other people if they intervene. Then if the thing I wanted to do doesn't work out, I have these tendencies to blame other people for it not working out. 

Can you explain what's going on?


key: response
string_value:
What are the best ways to reduce anxiety?I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household.Our everyday life is filled with pressures and deadlines that are common to cause anxiety.   Here are some basic tips to handle those stressors.·         Learn thought stopping techniques: There are multiple ways to teach your brain to refocus.  If you allow your brain to focus on the source of anxiety, the anxiety will be in charge.  But you can learn to put those anxiety-provoking thoughts on a parking lot, and focus on pleasurable thoughts, or the activity that you need to complete on the time being.·         Plan, organize, delegate:  Create a schedule to manage demands, organize priorities, and delegate or share responsibilities.   Work as a team with your family, so you can share the load.   Prioritize actives, shores, and expenses. Focus on the urgent, necessary, and spread apart the not so urgent.·         Identify triggers:  Once you understand what causes your anxiety, you can learn to channel process and refocus your thoughts.  You can also learn coping strategies to manage the problem or give up the desire to control it if needed.·         Learn coping skills:  Having a balanced lifestyle helps tremendously to reduce and manage anxiety symptoms.  Looking at your eating, sleeping, physical activities, spirituality and leisure time is key to find that balance.If you find yourself struggling with anxiety, you can contact a Counselor or mental health provider.  I provide teletherapy for Texas residents and psychotherapy in Puerto Rico, you can reach me at 787-466-5478 for appointments.¿Cuáles son las mejores maneras de reducir la ansiedad?Tengo ansiedad por preocupaciones diarias, como las finanzas, relaciones, niños y mantener mi casa.Nuestra vida está llena de retos y presiones que comúnmente nos causan ansiedad.  Aquí unos consejos básicos para manejar esas preocupaciones.·         Aprende como detener tus pensamientos: Hay múltiples maneras de enseñarle a tu cerebro a reenfocarse.  Si permites que tu cerebro se enfoque en la fuente de ansiedad, entonces la ansiedad se apoderará de ti.  Pero puedes aprender a poner a un lado esos pensamientos que causan ansiedad, y enfocarte en pensamientos positivos, placenteros o simplemente enfocarte en la actividad que estás haciendo. ·         Planifica, organiza, delega: Crea una agenda para manejar las demandas diarias, organizar prioridades y delegar o compartir responsabilidades.   Trabaja en equipo con tu familia, de manera que puedas compartir la carga.  Organiza las actividades, gastos y tareas por prioridad.  Enfócate en lo urgente y necesario y distribuye lo que no es tan vital. ·         Identifica la fuente:  Ya que comprendes donde o qué inicia la ansiedad, puedes aprender a canalizarla, procesarla o reenfocar tus pensamientos. También puedes aprender a manejar la fuente de ansiedad, resolver el problema, o aceptar que no lo puedes controlar, si ese fuera el caso. ·         Aprende mecanismos de defensa: Tener un estilo de vida balanceado ayuda tremendamente a manejar síntomas de ansiedad.  Observar tus patrones de alimentación, descanso, ejercicio, espiritualidad y tiempo de ocio es clave para encontrar el balance. Si notas que continuas batallando con la ansiedad puedes contactar a un consejero profesional de salud mental.   Proveo teleterapia a residentes de Texas y Consejería en Puerto Rico, me puedes contactar al 787-466-5478 para hacer una cita. 


key: response
string_value:
ABSOLUTELY.  Having someone who's outside the situation and, even more so, with knowledge and experience in human behavior and relationship dynamics such as a counselor can do wonders in helping us feel less alone in frustrating situations like the one you're currently stuck in with your mother.  A professional can also assist you in finding some assertiveness techniques, communication strategies, and coping skills to help you find your voice and stand your ground in a way that feels most authentic to you.In a healthy parent-child dynamic, there comes a normal developmental shift when, as the child reaches each new stage of maturity and responsibility, the parent backs off to provide a more supportive role instead of directive role.  We call this "redefining relationships."  (We also do it with our friendships and colleagues here and there over time as needed). It's absolutely vital. Sounds like your mom may have missed that memo. Like many parents, she may feel your behavior and choices is a direct reflection of her.  Or that her role as your mother allows her greater latitude than it should.  Or like many other people in general, that her way is the ONLY way.  Regardless, this is YOUR life.  And as far as we know, it's not a dress rehearsal.  You certainly don't want to wake up some 50 years from now regretful or resentful. That being said, there are certainly ways to show her love and respect while doing what makes you happy. I would encourage you to Google therapists near you whose bios resonate with you and what you're looking for and start on a the journey towards a new chapter of freedom and hopefully a deeper, more satisfying mother-daughter relationship for both of you.Warmest regards,Tamara Powell, LMHC 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I have a mother who is still running my life even though I'm almost 30 years old. I want to move out and live my own life, but it feels like as long as I do what my mom wants our relationship is okay. It's never okay if I don't do what she wants. 

I don't know how to start making my own decisions and not worry about  whether it's right in her eyes.  Would it help for me to talk to someone about this?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I know I'm ruining my life with a lot of the decisions I make.  I consistently tell myself I need to make some serious changes in my life, but I just can't seem to even though I really want to. Why can't I force myself to change?


key: response
string_value:
I don't know much about the dynamics of your relationship, but I want to say that you cannot possibly be responsible for anyone else's happiness.  If you are interested in a good read on this topic, I highly recommend The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. 


key: response
string_value:
You're her mom and she needs you.  I would suggest focusing on connection.  Since you are not currently living together, one way to do this would be to plan a date in which she gets to decide what you do together.  Give her time to think about what she wants to do.  As long as the activity is safe and affordable, try to do it, even if it's not your thing.  While you are with her, turn off the phone and give her your undivided attention.  The goal would be just for you to enjoy each other and connect.  


key: response
string_value:
I also want to note that we, as a society, are especially judgemental about how women dress and present themselves.  I am sorry that this boy said something insensitive.  There is nothing shameful about your body and it was not your intention to "display everything."  It also wasn't his place to judge you. As women we are expected to be sexy in some situations and demure in others.  Men don't have the same range of societal expectations to navigate.  You didn't deserve his rudeness.  


key: response
string_value:
Wow, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you.  My heart goes out to you.  Please find a therapist who specializes in working with PTSD.  Brainspotting, Internal Family Systems Therapy, and Somatic Experiencing are all highly effective therapies for complex interpersonal trauma.  If you are interested in reading about trauma from a compassionate and scientific perspective I highly recommend Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score. 


key: response
string_value:
Let's look at your question and break it down. It begins with the word should. As a first reflection, it implies that there is a right and a wrong way to feel, in this case, feel upset. I think I would like to ask you the question in a different way: are you feeling upset? If you are feeling upset or if you are feeling another emotion : insert worried, ambivalent, scared, angry, insecure, confused that is likely reasonable if the relationship has undergone some breaks in trust followed by distance (seperation). The first step is to recognize what you are feeling, and accept it for what it is-- an emotion. A feeling. You are entitled to feel a range of emotions as you are in the process of repairing or rebuilding the marriage. It is what you  do with that feeling that matters-- how you act, how you think, what you say,  and the impact the emotion (likely emotions) have on your relationship and in turn your quality of life that matters. If you want to discuss the impact of your feelings on you or on your marriage, I suggest you consult with a mental health professional with expertise in couple therapy/ relationship issues. I hope you find this information helpful. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
She refuses to talk to me and told my mom (her grand mother) that she is remembering things from the past. I don't know what to do. My daughter blames me and swears she hates me.

My parents say I should just let my daughter live with her dad, but I don't see how I could fix things if I only see her every other weekend. What should I do?


key: response
string_value:
There is always hope. So don't give up on hope.However, you knew I would say that, there is a lot work ahead of you.You need to see someone to talk things out.Get some space between you and your husband. Don't chase and please don't stalk him.Do some deep searching as to why he left and what part you had to cause the split.You can't change him but you are in control of your own change.With the help of a professional counselor you can get help and direction where you need to change. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me. 

He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope?


key: response
string_value:
A good way to start is the language or "self talk" that is happening inside your mind.  Looking at your question, when it is said that the presentations "make me feel stress" you are giving the responsibility of the stress to the presentations and taking that away from your self.  The presentations cannot give or take away your stress, that's something only you can do and you can do it!   What language can you change in your self talk?  For example, are you saying "I can't speak in front of an audience! I'll fail?"  That sounds a lot different than "I studied my butt off and if I practice speaking out loud, I can ace this presentation!"  Although this is a short answer, I do believe that counseling will help you overcome these stressful feelings and bring out your inner confidence.   


key: response
string_value:
I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you! What you are describing is being in a state of shock. You haven't suddenly become a sociopath - this is a normal reaction to an event that is completely overwhelming. There are most likely too many feelings to feel right now, so your body in its wisdom is shutting them down. You absolutely can recover, and it would be really important to get some trauma counseling with a counselor who feels safe for you to talk with. This is not the kind of situation to try and handle totally on your own. 


key: response
string_value:
Check out my blog post on:  Four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-list/I hope this offers you some nuggets of helpfulness!  


key: response
string_value:
Check out my latest blog on:  Four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-listI hope this offers you some nuggets of helpfulness!  


key: response
string_value:
Why are you afraid of rape? Because it is a problem in the United States! The National Sexual Violence Resource Center reports that one in five women (0r 20%) will be raped (http://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf) and that 80% of women know their assailant. Given these statistics, it is perfectly logical to be afraid. However, there are things you can do to reduce the risk of rape, such as being aware of your surroundings, and limiting the use of drugs or alcohol.The Enhanced Access, Knowledge, Act program for college-aged women has been shown to reduce the risk of rape by more than 50%. (http://www.blueprintsprograms.com/factsheet/eaaa-enhanced-assess-acknowledge-act-sexual-assault-resistance-education) You may want to see if a program like this is available in your area. Another great app for when you need to walk somewhere alone, is the Companion App (http://www.companionapp.io). Friends or family can track your progress from one point to another via the GPS in your phone.In addition, talking with a counselor about your fears would also be a good idea. Sometimes fears are rational and reasonable. Sometimes they are over-reactions and unreasonable. When then are over-reactions and unreasonable, they can have a negative impact on your life. In this case, a counselor could help you understand why your fears are unreasonable, and how you can stop them from negatively impacting your life. 


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. First, I want to say that it is great that you are are willing to admit that you share some responsibility in some of the relationship problems you are having. This isn't always easy to do, but it sure is important if you want to see improvement. It does sound cliche, but communication really is the bedrock of relationships. And not just intimate partner relationships, but really any relationship that is significant to us. It sounds like you are saying that you have a difficult time really listening to what your partner is telling you and then responding in a way that is helpful. I want to tell you that you are not alone. Good communication skills are not really something you are born with, we actually have to learn them. The good news is that there is great information available to help you do that. Ultimately, some people must seek professional help through couple's counseling in order to get help with this process. This is because some of the hurt and anger could be at such a level already that you may need help setting boundaries, creating a plan, learning new skills, and staying on track. If that is not something you can afford or can do right now, here are a few suggestions that may help. Personally, I am big fan of Dr. John Gottman. He is an expert in relationships and wrote a really great, easy-to-read book called The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Dr. Gottman discusses the kind of communication that healthy couples seem to have, which can be helpful and worth trying. You can buy Dr. Gottman's book on Amazon for under $9. It's a good deal. There are a variety of websites that have good information that may help you build your communication. Here is one that I found that has a few good tips. http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/effective-communication.htm You can try them and see if they are helpful. ***It is important to remember that like all new skills, communication requires practice and we surely fail several times before we start getting good at it. If you were ever a pitcher in baseball, then you know you have to throw thousands of pitches before you really start hitting your strike zone consistently. Allow yourself to make mistakes, own them, and start again. I hope these suggestions help, and good luck.Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My boyfriend shows affection, but I just push him away.  Every time my boyfriend tries to kiss, hug, or touch me I almost always push him away. I'm on birth control and it has killed my sex drive. 

 I love him so much.  Why do I do this?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My wife is always accusing me of cheating and telling me that I'm doing things she finds disrespectful even when I don't mean it like that. For example, she gets offended when I call someone at work "sweetheart."  I wish I had a penny for every time she accused me of cheating on her.  She doesn't, and never will say she was wrong. How do I get her to understand?


key: response
string_value:
Here is the truth: You will never get her to understand! because that would mean changing her and we can't change other people we can only change ourselves. I would recommend to take the time to self reflect on what exactly it is that you are doing that is contributing to the mixup. You both have very valid feelings and those won't magically go away until you address the root problem (which could be many factors). I am curious to know more about past relationships the both of you have had and how that plays a role in your current relationship. Many times we don't realize how past relationships truly impact our current behaviors. 


key: response
string_value:
Hello, and thank you for your question. Nervousness, when doing something new, especially something sexual that can feel so personal, is very common. Indeed, despite the fact that nervousness can be uncomfortable, it is also part of the excitement of trying something new. Many people who engage in open, polyamorous, and/or other-type relationships, will tell you that difficult feelings, such as jealousy and anger, do show up sometimes. This doesn't prove that there is something wrong with the relationship, it just shows that you retain normal human emotions while in one. And many people who are in polyamorous relationships have written about the work it sometimes takes to make such relationships work. Of course, all relationships take work, so polyamorous and other types of relationships are simply not an exception. There could be several reasons why you are feeling the way you do. One reason could be that you are simply not as comfortable with the idea as you think you are. Some time and good communication with your husband may help you with this. Another reason this may be bothering you is because, on some level, you are aware of the messages society gives us about marriages. They are supposed to be monogamous, heterosexual, etc. etc. Just because you may not agree with these beliefs doesn't mean that you haven't been influenced by them. We all have. Another reason this may be upsetting you is because it may feel a little frightening. Perhaps there are a lot of "What ifs" going on in your mind. When you get the "empty" feeling, it may be helpful to try to really nail down the emotions that are attached to that feeling. One thing that I do think is very important is that you communicate these feelings to your husband. It may even be a good idea to talk about expectations or "ground rules", if you will. It is important that you are both on the same page about what this is, and why you are doing it. If you continue to struggle, I suggest finding a counselor who has experience in sex and sexuality.  I wish you well.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My husband and I had our first threesome recently. Everyone was drinking and he was on her more then me. 

He and I talked about it afterwards and it made me feel better, and now I'm craving more of it. But before it gets close to happening I get this empty feeling. Why am I feeling this way?


key: response
string_value:
Let's just start with being real. Expressing
yourself is vulnerable, and being vulnerable is hard. It takes courage and work
to be vulnerable. My guess is that you have been shown in your lifetime that
being vulnerable (ie, expressing yourself) is unsafe. My assumption would be
you have been criticized, or ignored when you have expressed yourself in the
past, it has taught your emotional self to simply not do it again. This is a normal
protective mechanism that you have used to cope with past feelings of hurt. It
will take time and work to engage again in an emotional way.I would start my practicing and
identifying how you feel to yourself. Check in with yourself multiple times a
day to gage where you are at emotionally. After you feel you have a good grasp
on this, start to engage in emotional conversations with others. Choose others that
feel safe to you, a good friend that knows you well, or a sibling or family
member. Expressing yourself is a behavior that you have suppressed out of
protection, so you can choose to engage in safe emotional expression behaviors
just the same. Best of luck!


key: chroma:document
string_value:
We weren't long distance until he joined the military.  I love him and I know he loves, me but it's complicated. He said he's not going to find someone else, but I'm afraid. How do I keep our relationship going?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I want to live with my mom. My dad gets angry and makes me feel like everything is my fault. I still talk to my mom although My dad tells me that I'm no allowed to. I'm scared I will make the wrong decision and that my dad will hate me. 

How do I tell him that I want to live with my mom?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I feel so alone. I have so many people around me, but it seems as they just listen and dont understand.  They say it will all be okay, or they don't listen to me st all.  Everyone says they are here for me but it doesn't feel like they are. Why do I feel so alone?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
We've been in a long distance relationship for two and a half years. I recently saw his phone and saw the people he texts the most and one of them was a  female coworker. I don't know how to approach this situation. How do I ask him about it?.


key: response
string_value:
Hello there.  Thank you for sharing your heart here.  I want to start off by saying, in kind of an ironic way, your struggle is something many people go through, I might say quite often.  Many feel alone with one another quite frequently.  THe reasons for feeling alone vary much between person to person.  In reading how you presented things, I will just respond from how this strikes me.  Sometimes feeling alone might be the result of not completing the second half of the equation; meaning that although people "listen" it wont necessarily equate the elimination of being alone. Instead, its when you follow up by inquiring and listening to others that you  may discover they feel and think and struggle just like you do. And as a result, you discover you really were never alone; when people discover common struggle and feelings, we are connected.  Second, we as humans are sometimes feeling alone because we may be lacking some self-acceptance.  Not fully accepting myself or situation , can be in the way of feeling the presence of others or the hearing the voice of others too. Or in other words, not bein 'ok' with myself makes it difficult being with others.  Third; feeling alone may be us not clear on what we are really needing from another person?   These are just some thoughts to consider.  Aloneness feels so real; and yet it has much to do with our perspective and view of things...  we are all alone in a crowded world until we speak and listen more closely.Kindly-keith hughes M.A.  keithcounseling.com 


key: response
string_value:
Feelings of anxiety can be scary and sometimes we're not aware of the triggers that lead up to moments of anxiety, i. e., heart racing, sweaty palms, sweating, shortness of breath. It's important to realize that in moments of anxiety our body & mind are experiencing a reaction from our primal or reptilian brain that is signaling the flight or fight response within us, which kicks the hypothalamus into action flooding our body with chemicals, like adrenaline or cortisol.  So, one way to work with anxiety is to find out what the triggers are that lead to anxiety, such as fear, stress. negative thought patterns, not enough food or sleep. Keeping a daily journal can help you track the patterns and triggers and once you identify the triggers you can ameliorate them by learning new skills & techniques and by reducing stress and getting enough sleep. One quick way to reduce anxiety is by taking deeper breathes, sometimes this is called belly breathing. When you breath in make sure your belly rises and expands and as you breath out the belly deflates. Many of us do shallow breathing up in our chest which does not allow for a full breath, and getting a full breath is so important as a tool to help relax us in times of stress & anxiety . 


key: response
string_value:
Scary thoughts can feel overwhelming at times as well as feeling quite real. I want to acknowledge how scary they can feel, but there is hope and new skills you can learn to work with these types of thoughts. The first step in working with scary or negative thoughts is to acknowledge that they are just thoughts and we can choose to follow the scary thought streams or work with cutting them off or ignoring them. I also realize that might seem really hard to do, but here's a good way to think about the brain and how thought patterns work. Thoughts arise in the mind all the time, our brain is a thought machine. Many thoughts drift by like clouds and we don't pay any attention while other thoughts arise and they trigger us in a particulate way, i.e., scary, angry, happy, sad, and when those thoughts arise we can chose to pay more attention to the thought which can lead us down that particulate thought stream that will lead to fear and anxiety. So, how do we work or stop those scary thought streams? One new skill to implement comes from the work of Rick Hansen, he wrote the book Buddha's Brain," he teaches that we need to give more energy and attention to the positive thoughts or positive memories we hold in our mind and pay less attention to the negative thoughts. Hansen asks us to imagine the brain this way, the brain is like Velcro with negative thoughts and like teflon when it comes to positive thoughts. There are reasons that our brain works this way, but I don't have time to go into all of that in this response. So, it's just important to remember we have to work at positive thinking, actually pausing throughout the day to focus on positive feelings and memories,  this will help the mind reinforce positive thought streams and help reduce negative thought streams over time. If a scary thought arises try to replace it with a happy experience for at least a couple of moments, and see if that helps reduce the negative charge connected with that scary thought. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
Often times I find myself thinking scary thoughts and sometimes  I even scare myself into thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. Once it starts, the thought continues going through my head and I can't get it out.  How can I stop these thoughts?


key: response
string_value:
I would check out agencies that offer affordable counseling based on your income or very low cost counseling sessions, i.e., Pacific Clinics, Hathaway Sycamore, Pasadena Mental Health Center, Burbank Family Center. If you google affordable or low cost therapy in your particular area you will find resources to help you. 


key: response
string_value:
Religious questioning is a complex and often philosophical topic, and these types of questions, especially around heaven, hell, and an afterlife can bring up a host of difficult & confusing feelings. What I want to focus on is the fear & anxiety you seem to be feeling that are deeply connected to your questions. Scary thoughts, negative thoughts, obsessive thoughts sometimes feel like they're out of control and there is nothing we can do to stop them, but I want to offer two techniques that might assist with your panic & anxiety. The first step in working with scary or negative thoughts is to acknowledge that they are just thoughts and we can choose to follow the scary thought streams or work with cutting them off or ignoring them. I also realize that might seem really hard to do, but here's a good way to think about the brain and how thought patterns work. Thoughts arise in the mind all the time, our brain is a thought machine. Many thoughts drift by like clouds and we don't pay any attention while other thoughts arise and they trigger us in a particulate way, i.e., scary, angry, happy, sad, and when those thoughts arise we can chose to pay more attention to the thought which can lead us down that particular thought stream that will lead to fear and anxiety. So, how do we work or stop those scary thought streams? One new skill to implement comes from the work of Rick Hansen, he wrote the book Buddha's Brain," he teaches that we need to give more energy and attention to the positive thoughts or positive memories we hold in our mind and pay less attention to the negative thoughts. Hansen asks us to imagine the brain this way, the brain is like Velcro with negative thoughts and like teflon when it comes to positive thoughts. There are reasons that our brain works this way, but I don't have time to go into all of that in this response. So, it's just important to remember we have to work at positive thinking, actually pausing throughout the day to focus on positive feelings and memories,  this will help the mind reinforce positive thought streams and help reduce negative thought streams over time. If a scary thought arises try to replace it with a happy experience for at least a couple of moments, and see if that helps reduce the negative charge connected with that scary thought. I would also suggest when you're having the thoughts about death take a moment to notice how you're breathing. Often when we are feeling anxiety we are doing shallowing chest breathing rather than taking in a full, deep breath or what is called belly breathing. If you take a moment to focus on your breathing and allow a couple of full breaths, bringing in the breath so the belly rises and then the belly natural falls as you exhale, just noticing the breath and practicing breathing can slow down the anxiety cycle as it begins. 


key: response
string_value:
Hi there! It sounds like you have already started to answer
your own question by stating that you love cross dressing very much, and I am
glad you enjoy it! Cross dressing is something many people enjoy, and there is
no harm in it whatsoever. My question to you would be: What is making you feel torn
about it? There is unfortunately still a lot of negative stigma associated with
people who express their gender or sexuality in ways that differ from the
majority. (And sometimes certain sexual interests are actually very common or
even in the majority, but because people carry shame about being different when
it comes to gender and sexuality we assume we are all alone!)Being a sexual or gender minority or someone who
participates in kink or expresses their sexuality or gender identity in a
unique and personal way often means suffering from something called
"internalized oppression". We grow up being exposed to certain
assumptions and beliefs about what is "acceptable" behavior and even
face consequences sometimes if we don't "fit in" the way others tell
us to. Even if those assumptions are harmful and wrong, we still internalize
them and feel guilty about who we are. There is nothing wrong with us, but
feeling stigmatized and isolated can lead to feelings of shame, embarrassment,
or like something is "wrong" with us.But there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, so be proud
of who you are and what you enjoy. You can continue to simply enjoy it
privately, or maybe you'd eventually like to share it with a partner or maybe
even join a community with similar interests. I'll leave you with a quote from
comedian Eddie Izzard, who identifies as, in his own words, a "straight
transvestite": "They’re not women’s clothes. They’re my clothes. I
bought them!" Take care, and thanks for your question!


key: response
string_value:
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Divorce can be so disruptive in a child's life.I'd really need a lot more information about your situation before I'd feel comfortable offering any advice or suggestions. There are so many variables, and not knowing the whole story, any advice could possibly make your situation worse.I do see some positives, though. One, you say you have a therapist. That's great! I hope you're able to talk to them about this soon. Still, they can't give you legal advice, and a lot of this situation may be dictated by the law. What your therapist can help with, though, is dealing with whatever situation you have to follow by law. If you can't change the situation, you at least need to learn how to cope with it better. Two, you're 17. When you're 18, you're legally an adult and will not be bound by any custody rules or visitation plans in place. Honestly, teenagers usually have a lot of say with the courts in custody arrangements. Since you didn't specify more on the situation, I have no idea what your specific situation is. Were your parents ever married? Are they separated or divorced? Was there ever a court hearing for custody? Not all couples have an official court order arrangement. All families are different, too. Was there abuse between your parents? Towards you by one of them? Does either of them have addiction issues, major health or mental health issues, or anything like that? You mentioned that you want to live with your mom, but didn't say why. Are you afraid to tell your dad you want to stay with your mom? Is mom the lenient and fun parent while dad is the more strict one, or is there something else going on? This isn't a decision that should be placed entirely on you, and it also isn't a decision that anyone else needs to make on your behalf without your input. But advice on what to do needs to come from the people who know more about your situation so they can help recommend the best thing for you. Whatever you do, hang in there! 18 will be here before you know it. Focus on that. Freedom. College. Plan for your future that YOU control, and focus on making it the best it can be. Do not let the anxiety and depression cloud your thoughts and make you do something irreversible. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past. 

Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My girlfriend just quit drinking and she became really depressed. She told me that she wants to move. What can I do to help her?  I want her to stay.


key: response
string_value:
The answer would require a more in-depth knowledge of you and your situation. A lot of times, these feelings are the result of the people in your life treating you a certain way. You internalize it and accept it as your reality. The first step is to evaluate the people close to you, especially your parents. Even if you are an adult, think back to your childhood. Children who grow up in an unstable home often grow up to be adults with insecurities and emotional problems. The obvious, such as being abused, can certainly lead to a person having little to no confidence and self esteem, but there are other situations that might surprise you to hear they can be damaging to a person.You may have never been physically or sexually abused, but what about emotionally? Were you yelled at, berated, put down? Were you told you'd never amount to anything? Were you compared to siblings and felt like you always fell short, couldn't live up to expectations? When you hear something over and over again, you start to believe it.Maybe you weren't yelled at. Maybe it was the opposite. Studies show that children who grow up with a parent who is depressed show signs of emotional neglect. A chronically depressed mother, for example, may have seemed cold, detached, emotionless. She may have been less likely to show interest in a child's life, not give praise for accomplishments or show support by going to ballgames or performances. If one of your family members were chronically ill while you were growing up, chances are, a lot of the attention went to them, which could have led to your needs not being met.Any of these situations could cause a person to grow up feeling unimportant, unheard, unloved, or like they don't matter.Maybe nothing I've described here fits your situation. If you can't pinpoint what has caused you to feel this way on your own, a counselor can help.I am not saying "blame it on your parents" or telling you there's nothing you can do to change it! Quite the opposite! Understanding WHY you feel that way is a first step towards making the changes needed to feel better. Cognitive behavior therapy focuses on cognition - figure out the WHY. Then behavior - the HOW. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My dad makes me feel like shit and like I'm worthless.  He calls me names and makes me feel depressed.  I want to move out because I swear if I stay here, I'm going to lose it. What can I do?


key: response
string_value:
First off, let's start with really
validating the potential emotional pain you are feeling right now. There is
generally no lack of uncertainty, anxiety, fear, sadness, and anger. These are
all normal emotions and being allowed to feel them is the beginning of the
healing process. It might be helpful to talk about these feeling with your fiancé,
a friend or a counselor.Now to get to your primary question.
Can a relationship move past infidelity? The short answer is yes. A bit longer
of an explanation is that is sounds like you and your fiancé had pieces of a solid
foundation to base a relationship on. For many couples they encounter a primary
challenge, sometimes that's money, or parenting and for some it's sexuality. If
you and your fiancé are both committed to balancing the positive aspects of your
relationship while improving the challenges than it's definitely possible to
move past this. This is not an easy process and for many couples takes months
or years of healing while engaging in relationship counseling. Good luck to you and your continues
healing and growth!


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me. 

I recently found out he cheated on me with another women.  He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do.  Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?


key: response
string_value:
There could be a number of things going on here. For instance, have her eyes been checked by an optometrist? She might just not like writing or coloring. She could be rushing through assignments so that she can spend time with friends, play games, or do something else. She might need some extra help with fine motor skills. What are her grades like? Does she rush through other things like cleaning her room or getting ready for bed? 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I have high functioning autism and I have been on a lot of dating sites like meet me, match, and zoosk. I haven't had any luck on any of the dating sites I have been on.

 I really want a boyfriend but I don't know what I should do. I just want to be in a relationship. How can I meet someone?


key: response
string_value:
OK first things first. We have to think of your safety and take care of those thoughts of hurting yourself.Yes, this is a major problem for you and can cause anxiety and depression. You have the right to be sick and tired. Kids often are pawns in this marital problems that their parents have. I'm sorry that this is happening to you.I am not sure of your rights in the state you live in but as far as I know you as a 17 year old you have the right to stay where you want. So your'e going through an anxiety episode and your therapist is not available.  If I'm the therapist we would have already set up a plan so that if you are in this situation you would know what to do. In the worst case scenario you would be able to contact me.But I would have given you several exercises to help reduce your anxiety.Staying with your mom should be your choice. I know you probably don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but there are ways to ease the tension. Maybe with your permission and their agreement, we all could meet together for a session or two to ease your tensions and get over and through this hassle. 


key: response
string_value:
Yes, Counseling provides an area for people to speak to an unbiased professional about their concerns to address their unique needs. While length of time varies, counseling is a process and can be done from as little as one session to multiple sessions. Counseling provide a safe, non-judgmental, empathetic atmosphere from a professional helper provide the service 


key: response
string_value:
You should start by speaking with her about what has her so down. Have their been some significant events in her life that have affected her? Have their been significant events in your relationship that can be affecting  you both? If she just stopped drinking, she may be struggling to finding an alternative and healthier behavior. This is something the two of you can explore together. Also, if need be perhaps she can speak to a therapist to discuss her feelings about quitting alcohol. It sounds like you really care and right now she could use all the support she can get despite her pushing you away. 


key: response
string_value:
Affairs and infidelity are tough areas to address. The power of the affair comes from the feeling of injustice that seems to have happened to you. The struggle I notice people have is with the forgiveness. Forgiveness is something that is asked of you from your partner but also you have the power to give. I assume you want to forgive or have forgiven. However, the forgetting part is difficult. It seems that image of her happiness may have triggered something in you that isn't happy. I'm not sure how often you are triggered by her but it seems there is something there you need to process. The forgetting part sadly is difficult to put past your mind. However, it's being able to see the unfortunate situation they did and be able to walkthrough it even though it's painful. I think maybe speaking with a local therapist about this as it's often difficult to process alone. Also, see how you are feeling as days go on. Do you find yourself obsessed? If so, you may need to seek a professional counselor. 


key: response
string_value:
This answer varies based on you relationship. However, I do believe their are some basic fundamental areas that are beneficial for a healthy marriage:1.) Effective Communication2.) Trust3.) Love/Passion4.) Loyalty. 5.) Unconditional Positive Regard. Everyone has their favorite qualities they feel best fit a marriage. However, these are what I think are great starting points. 


key: response
string_value:
Counselling offers a number of ways to help one to improve their situation.  For some, this process can take a very long, winding path of self-discovery, while, for others, they are seeking a purposeful, solution-based way to approach and manage a specific problem. It's important to remember that there are different styles of therapy, some of which will work great with some, but poorly with others, specifically to help those to decide how they wish to move forward. I often recommend speaking with a number of therapists before beginning treatment to find out more about how they practice, in order to make sure their style aligns with your goals. On a more specific note, there is myriad research out in the world that indicates both counselling and medication can have an affect on changing our moods and behaviours.  However, medication is not an effective way of treating the problem, as it treats the symptoms of that problem (increased anxiety, lowered mood, etc.) and research has shown that the most effective route for better mental health care comes from a combination of counselling and medication. 


key: response
string_value:
There are multiple ways that counseling helps people. The most basic is that it gives you someone to talk to about and through what you are facing. It is better than a friend because this is a space for your stuff and you get to focus on what you need and don't have to worry about the other side. This is also a place where you do not have to worry about how else the other person is involved in the situation. Beyond this basic level, a counselor will have expertise they can bring in terms of how people, including you, can effectively deal with this kind of situation. The counselor may also be aware of connections that you would not otherwise see. A good counselor will also recognize if and when you need other help or support in the situation. Why wouldn't you benefit from having someone walk with you in your journey to peace and wholeness. 


key: response
string_value:
Sometimes we let our insecurities get the best of us, causing us to make some interesting choices. Honesty is always the best policy, but honesty comes with risk.  Perhaps you may want to start with your family first, explaining to them what you have done and why.  Perhaps they can help you to practice talking about your insecurities with your friends. Another way is to start, slowly, to dress more and more like yourself and your true body shape. Some of your "friends" may make fun of you, true, but then you must ask yourself...why do you want to be friends with people like that? 


key: response
string_value:
A car accident can be a traumatic event. Especially,  if it was serious, you could have feared for your life, felt everythingvwas out of control and had normal reactions to an abnormal situation afterwards. This may or may not be related to the traumas that you experienced in the military. If it is then it is possible that you will see a direct effect in triggering off PTSD symptoms. Even if it didn't, it is possible that the complexity of the two situations will interact inside you to be a combined response. Having already been diagnosed with PTSD, this might be a good time to reconnect with the help system you had around military experiences and explore it a little bit about the new experience. The right exploration does not have to make things worse and can be a good source of prevention. 


key: response
string_value:
It sounds like you have been struggling with this for quite some time, using many of the same coping techniques that feel tried and true to no avail. Often, we fall back on coping techniques that would be helpful in other problems (stress, social anxieties, etc.) for our depression, but the truth is that depression requires it's own little tool kit. Depression is all-encompassing, and, based on what you've written, the symptoms are already affecting work and your personal life in myriad ways.  The best route forward would be to seek out counselling, admittedly, but if your insurance deductible is too high, that can be very expensive. I would recommend contacting your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) if offered by your employer. If not, you can look into community centres for counselling options, check if your doctor will give you a referral or your local religious organization. If, however, you are motivated to get your depression under control, there are some great workbooks out there that you can use on your own or with your therapist (as long as your therapist is trained in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or CBT), such as "Mind Over Mood".   


key: response
string_value:
A counselor can do a few things that can be helpful:1) Give you a space where you can explore what's in your head without worrying about being judged or punished.2) Help you better understand yourself, your choices, your motivations.3) Give you tools and information you can use to help create change in your life. Ultimately, though, it's up to the client to take action, because action is what creates change. So, a counselor can't create change ... but they can facilitate and support it. 


key: response
string_value:
Sounds like a lot is going on right now at such a young age. I'd start with discussing with mom your concerns and ideal situation. I'm unsure what prevents you from staying there, but whoever you are staying with, it should be brought to their attention. In regards to your anxiety attacks, deep breathing is always a benefits. I have a link you can use to help to do this online if you are interested. In addition, finding ways you usually cope with anxiety and what's worked before can help and if it isn't, exploring new way to calm you down can be beneficial. This is something you can speak with your therapist about going forward when they are available.In regards to feeling suicidal: I would call suicide prevention hotline (You can google them) if you truly feel the ideation is getting worse. They are professional agents who can speak with you about your ideation and help you through the process. Hope this helps. 


key: response
string_value:
Hi!  Great question.  I believe counseling does help people! Of course, I am a therapist, so I would think that! :)  Seriously - I think therapy and counseling allow us to understand ourselves, our motivations and the things that bring us happiness and discontent.  Therapy can create opportunities to try new skills and enhance positive attributes that are already present in someone.  I like to think of therapy as an unbiased "aerial view" of our lives. Someone outside can often help us notice things we might otherwise miss. Hope this helps! 


key: response
string_value:
Such a great question! I'm so sorry you are struggling! You may be experiencing Intrusive thoughts.  These are thoughts that seem to come from no where and victimize us.  I can strongly recommend a book called "When Panic Attacks" by Dr. David Burns.  It helps you to identify the thoughts, and the help you create ways to counteract them!  There is another technique, called Thought Stopping. Thought Stopping can be as simple as saying "Stop!" loudly (if you are alone) or in your head, if you are in public.  It's a quick way to distract you from the distressing thought, and allow you to refocus.  I recommend using this technique, followed by some deep breathing, while visualizing something that helps you feel relaxed (a favorite place, a pet, etc.).  These three things in conjunction can be of great assistance. One key component in addressing anxious thinking is building the skill of relaxation.  I recommend an App called Headspace which teaches relaxation through some simple guided mediation. Super easy to do, and a great way to begin to build relaxation skills.  Plenty of sleep and reducing caffeine intake can also be things to explore. Hope this helps!  


key: response
string_value:
Sexual desire seems to be straightforward - I like someone and I become aroused at the thoughts of being intimate with them - but that idea does not always take into account other factors. Stress can have a huge effect on our body and how it performs.  When we are overstressed, for example, we often find ourselves ill at the same time.  Can you think of any part of your world that may be causing you some additional stress? Additionally, focusing on your erection may also be increasing the level of stress you feel about being intimate, which could also effect your ability to get and maintain an erection.  While this may seem counter intuitive, it makes sense in the word of stress!Finally, it's never a bad idea to follow up with your doctor, as well. You did not mention your age or sexual history outside of this relationship, but it is always a good idea to check in with medical staff to make sure there is nothing physically responsible for changes in our body, as well. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I love my girlfriend so much. I get an erection even just thinking about her or seeing her.  But the two times we tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection.  We've only had sex once and it was a long time ago. 

Why this is happening and what can I do about it?


key: response
string_value:
Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) is a term that reflects how many people are affected by the changing seasons, especially fall to winter.  Everyone suffers with some form of this (lessened activity levels, increased isolation, etc.) while some find that this time of year can put them into a deeper depression. If you have noticed that this happens frequently, there are some ways you can definitely help yourself going forward:1. Attend therapy to learn strategies and tools to help you to manage your mood.  It's important to stay within the therapy until you feel you have mastered these tools. 2. Push yourself to interact more with your social groups and other positive activities. It's easy to go out and spend the day outside in the summer months, when the temperature is warm and the sun shines for long periods of the day, but it seems harder to find fun ways to spend your time when the temperature drops and darkness comes on so quickly.  Perhaps winter time could become the time of year where you and your friends have weekly board game nights, complete with hot chocolate and a fire?3. You may want to consider the purchase of a S.A.D. Light.  These are lights that expose you to additional ultra violet light to increase the vitamin D in our bodies, as well as the release of growth hormone (which releases when we wake up). There are mixed reviews of these products, however, and they can be expensive. 


key: response
string_value:
  After stopping the abuse of alcohol, depressive symptoms are common. She may benefit from exploring why she wants to move and see if she would still want to move if she did not feel depressed. 12 step meetings can also be helpful.


key: response
string_value:
This is something I have
had to address with individuals often since working with couples is one of my
practice's focuses.  The answer can depend upon several reasons all which
tend to be explored while in session.  If you or your counselor utilizes
an integral approach, in which one of the main premises makes sure to check the
four irreducible perspectives (subjective, intersubjective, objective and
interobjective – also known as the four quadrants) in determining where the
challenges are, it then becomes possible to identify what might be contributing
to or causing the challenge as well as offering up ways to address the
situation.In this case, from the upper-right
or behavioral and physical perspective, we would want to make sure there is no
physical limitation or ailment meaning that you would need to visit your doctor
and have the basics checked (such as blood pressure.  We would also look at particular behaviors to
see if you are doing something with is effecting performance (such as
masturbating often or being influenced by pornography). Next we would look at the
upper left quadrant (thoughts, cognitions, identity, feelings) to look at what
is going on here both during sexual activities and at other times.  If you are worried about your job, your
family or under immense pressure to perform at work or while intimate, this can
contribute to your situation.  From there
we would turn to the lower left quadrant (cultural rules and tools) to see who
you have learned to interpret challenges that come up during sex and look for
ways to shift, update and/or reshape the way you view sex and its
challenges.  It would be here that we
would see whether one is even comfortable using a service like counseling based
upon how your family/culture of origin views the profession. Finally, we would need to
account for challenges that show up in the lower right quadrant (systems, laws,
rules of society) such as your economic ability to try services and products as
well as whether such services and products were even available.  Once we have rolled through these areas it
then becomes possible to look at which aspects might need to be looked at
further in a more meaningful way to help you change a perspective or if just
getting a blood pressure medication is all you need.To sum your question then
of why you can’t keep an erection we would need to look at your thoughts (look
at your actual thoughts during the act as well as before and after), look at
your behaviors, look at your physical body for issues, look at where you picked
up your rules and tools (culture) and look at your ability to access goods and
services.  They all contribute equally
and need to be taken into account.  So - as you can see, there is no one possible answer to this, but several.  I hope this helps. 


key: response
string_value:
Thank you for sharing. It seems like since the "winter blues" happens to you every year it may also be impacting your quality of life and possibly relationships. What you report sounds like you may be experiencing Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and is quite common to many from about fall thru winter seasons; but, also can impact folks during the Spring and summer months.The best care and treatment for SAD includes discussing it with your PCP (primary care physician), integrating light therapy (full-spectrum lighting) throughout home and workplace (where possible), psychotherapy, and possibly medications (e.g. Wellbutrin XL, Aplenzin).Be sure to exercise good self-care and checkout the Mayo Clinic's website for SAD here: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/basics/definition/con-20021047.  


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather.

I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved because she's afraid of financial responsibility. 

Do I have the rights to be able to sign my brother into mentalhealth facility?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
Every time I send a message to someone or a group message on Instagram, iMessage, or snapchat people will read my messages but then they won't answer me. 

Could it be that there is something they don't like about me? I don't understand why they won't answer my messages. How do I get people to respond to me?


key: response
string_value:
Teenage years are rough for anyone, and this is a time for self-discovery and experimentation. Having older parents can certainly pose challenges. Most kids feel like their parents don't understand them, but yours are older than the average parents of teenagers. They're from a completely different generation than you are. It sounds like they love you, but may not understand you. The problem here is the generation/age gap, and there's not a whole lot you can do about that. What you can do is accept the situation and perhaps look at it a little differently. It seems like you're looking for affirmation from them, looking for their approval and understanding. It's never a good idea to look to others to define who you are or to get a self-esteem boost. Who you are and how you feel about yourself needs to come from inside, not from outside. One way you can have a better relationship with your parents is to stop looking at all the things you aren't getting from them that you want, and rather look at all the things you are getting from them. Yes, this is a glass half full or half empty point of view, but it works. The negative will overshadow the positive if you let it. Start looking for the good things in your relationship with your parents and your feelings towards them will become more positive.I'm not sure how your friends/peers made you feel like your childhood has been taken from you. That's a curious statement, and requires a deeper conversation to understand where that came from. However, I do understand feeling different and out of place, especially in high school. Find the strength within yourself rather than looking to others in your life to make you feel better or feel like a complete person. It helps to have friends and loved ones, but you can never rely on them to fulfill all of your needs. Set some goals for your future, work towards them. Focus on being the best YOU that you can be, and the right people will enter your life at the right time. 


key: response
string_value:
The best way to handle anxiety of this level is with a combination of appropriate medication given to you by a medical doctor, and therapy to help you understand the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are causing the anxiety.  This is not something that anyone should just “white knuckle” and try to get through on their own with no help.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a technique that has been proven helpful for depression and anxiety.  This takes a therapist trained in CBT. You will learn to recognize when and why you perform the behavior of hitting your head, help you deal with the underlying cause of this, and replace the behavior with a more positive behavior. You'll learn coping skills.You mention having a rough childhood. Anyone who has experienced trauma like this, especially long-term ongoing trauma from abuse of any kind, definitely does not need "exposure therapy", which is what is recommended for phobias. You need a therapist trained specifically in trauma informed therapy.You are on the right path by recognizing there is an issue and what it is. Good luck with your healing journey!


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I've hit my head on walls and floors ever since I was young.  I sometimes still do it but I don't exactly know why, 

I have anxiety and I had a rough childhood but now I'll start to hit my head and sometimes not realize it but I don't know how to stop or even why I'm doing it. 

How can I help myself to change my behavior?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I know that I need to get past my feelings for this person I fell in love with, but t's so difficult to move on because he showed me feelings I've never felt before. 

I feel like I don't  want to be without my genuine love for him, but logically, I know I need to be without him. I can't discuss this with anybody in my life because the conditions surrounding our love are considered  "wrong" by a lot of people.

How can I get myself to just move on?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I don't remember when the voices in my head started, but I remember Hearing them when I was little. 

I know it's not normal to hear voices that aren't your own. I fight the voices and I want them to stop.  They've been here so long and I want them gone. How can I make the voices stop?


key: response
string_value:
1. She's an adult.2. She lives in your house? She follows your rules.3. What you're describing could be any number of things, but could potentially be a medical issue that needs attention. Thyroid issues, autoimmune diseases - there's a ton of medical possibilities for her symptoms. I'm not a doctor; this is a forum of therapists.4. I recommend the book "Codependent No More" which may help you navigate your rocky relationship with your adult daughter. You may be inadvertently making things worse by "helping" her which can instead enable her to continue her behaviors. Another book you may find helpful is "Boundaries: Where you end and I begin". You cannot control another person, especially an adult. The only person you can control is yourself. Tough love is sometimes needed, and she is an adult - treat her like one. Maybe then she'll act like one. If we were having this conversation in person, you would interrupt me at this point with a "but..." and then explain all the reasons why you can't tell her to move out, get a job, get up and cook or clean the house, etc. I already know that you have a myriad of excuses for things being the way they are. Yes, I said excuses instead of reasons, because that's what they are. You may feel stuck and like you have to take care of her, but you have choices - you just may not like them. I know that when children are small, parents' lives are focused around them (some more than others) and decisions are made around what is best for your child. But you said your daughter is an adult. The relationship dynamics must change if the relationship is to be a healthy one. I know how difficult it is to watch your child make life choices that you wouldn't want for them, no matter what that choice may be. As a parent, we want to force them to do what we think is "the right thing" but trying to do that only results in frustrations for everyone involved. Whether the issue is a hair color, a tattoo, a lifestyle choice, a job, or choosing not to work or take care of their health, or doing drugs, or drinking - the choice is theirs and theirs alone and so are the consequences of those choices. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
There is  just no communication at all between us.  She sleeps constantly all day (not at night).  She acts angry and unfocused and stays in her very messy room all the time. The only time she comes out is to eat. 

She has aches and fatigue, weight gain, hair loss and skin problems. She does not look after her health.

I don't know how to communicate with her.  She is not open to any suggestions. How do I get through to her?


key: response
string_value:
Family members sometimes get Power of Attorney over vulnerable adults. If you had this, you could do something like that. I'm assuming that you don't, though. There are steps family members can take through the court system to get someone involuntarily committed, but it is a long process. I deal with situations like this everyday on the job. The only time an adult can be committed against their will is if they are deemed by the doctor (such as at an emergency room) to be a threat to self or others. For instance, if he had suicidal thoughts and a plan to carry out the action, or if he had homicidal thoughts against someone else and a plan to carry it out, he could be placed on a short hold, but these holds only last for a few days. This still isn't a long-term solution. An adult has the right to refuse treatment and the right to make their own choices, no matter how bad those choices are. If you have a way to get him to an ER whenever things like that happen, such as being found sleeping outside in 12 degree weather, it will help a lot. They may or may not do a short term commitment for treatment based on the situation that brings him to the ER, but it's a start. They can help set him up with appointments for psych and he can get on medications. You can help by taking him to appointments and making sure his medications get filled. However, you can't force him to take the meds, so this may be something that happens a lot. With enough of a paper trail of many ER visits and that sort of thing, you'll stand a better chance of getting a court appointed psych ward stay. Some tips about ER visits: Don't send him alone. Always go with him or have someone go with him, because you will be able to give the treatment team better insight into what's going on than he will. He may say everything's fine and he wants to leave, so they won't have any reason to keep him if that is the case. Go with him. If you do get Power of Attorney, take the paperwork with you when you go to the ER and to doctor's appointments because they aren't just going to take your word. They need to see the actual paperwork. Having it on file in their system isn't good enough because paperwork expires, etc. Take it with you at all times. You can also compile his medical records and that sort of thing to take with you so they can see a full history of what's going on.Keep in mind that if you do get Power of Attorney, this makes you his guardian and you have to take care of him. Otherwise, you can get reported for vulnerable adult abuse and neglect. In fact, your mom ignoring and not helping may already put her at risk of that because she is willingly doing nothing to help someone who clearly needs the help. She won't be financially responsible for the hospital or doctor bills, but should be held responsible for his safety. Someone should. There are group homes for people with schizophrenia. " Being responsible" for someone doesn't mean you have to pay their bills, it just means you are going to make sure they get the care they need. That care may be placement in a long-term care facility like a group home or a nursing home. Psych inpatient hospitals aren't long-term, so you do need to look into other long-term options. Psych inpatient stays are temporary and are to stabilize him, they're not where someone stays forever.Good luck, and keep up the good attitude! Work with his treatment team. Ask for a social worker. If they see family that is wanting to do the right thing and wanting to help, they'll help you even if it does take a while to get things sorted out. The worst thing any of you can do is NOT go to appointments and that sort of thing. 


key: response
string_value:
No, that's perfectly normal. You're under 18, too. You're only a year older than she is. This is absolutely normal. What would be wrong is if you did anything to her against her will. Always remember that NO means NO, respect her, respect yourself, and be a normal teenager! Have a healthy relationship. Holding hands, kissing, and more should only be done when both are comfortable with it and agree to it. Although it is frowned upon by a lot of people, it's no secret that teenagers do have sex (even if their parents and perhaps religion would definitely not want them to do it). Only you can make the choice that is right for you. Just be responsible in the choices you make. Some states have laws on what age is old enough for consensual sex. You'd be surprised how young those ages are. A 14 year old having sex with a 20 year old would be against the law, but someone the same age as her, or just one year older is not. "Wrong" can be defined in a lot of different ways, though. Is it against the law? No. Is it against your religion? I can't answer that for you. You can, however, have a relationship that is not physical in any way. It's okay to just be with her and enjoy her company. You can hang out, watch movies together, go on dates, do whatever it is that both of you enjoy doing. Your relationship can be anything you want it to be. 


key: response
string_value:
Sorry to hear your friends aren't responding to you. If these friends are in-person as well as online, perhaps going to them in person and asking talking to them about your concern. Perhaps it's the way you send messages or the way they are receiving them. if they say no, then a simple request to respond to your messages. Measure the result and notice if there are even small differences. Also understand, why this is so important to you. Ask yourself, why it's so important for you to receive these messages from friends. What does it mean when they don't respond. 


key: response
string_value:
No. You are not a pedophile. You are both under the appropriate age where it would be seen so. Your both only a year a part so this shouldn't a worry to you. Like Frank said below, Pedophelia is a problem that won't apply to this situation. 


key: response
string_value:
One of the most challenging areas for people to deal with is getting over the the person you have loved so much. It's a catch 22. You know mentally that it's not healthy to think about them. However, your feelings are still there. Moving on is tough. It takes time for feeling to go away. That's the thing, it's not the person you're trying to get over, it's the feeling and the idea of them that is that makes it difficult. You've learned a lot from the relationship and time will help. Activity will also help. Are you actively living your life? If not, go out and maybe it's time to date and find new love. Grow with new relationships and it will help create focus on someone who may even be better than the love you previously experienced. You can do it!Earl Lewiswww.RelationshipsGoneRight.Com 


key: response
string_value:
Hello. Thank you for your question. Many couples that experience infidelity in their relationship face this important question - "is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?" Deciding to stay or leave is such a personal decision, one that only you can make.When an affair is disclosed or found out, it can have a traumatic impact on the betrayed partner. The betrayed partner might be overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts - Wanting answers to specific questions - Wanting details. And the partner that had the affair might be feeling overwhelm around "Will their partner ever forgive them?" "Will they trust them again?" "How long will it take to regain their trust again?" While it is possible for couples to get past the cheating, it does take a commitment from each partner to do the work needed. Because of the complexities cheating has on the bond couples have with each other, I would recommend seeing a couple therapist that specializes in working with the issue of infidelity. When infidelity happens, there are usually a number of secrets that accompany it, and this can be incredibly difficult for couples to work through on their own.  


key: response
string_value:
A resource I think is helpful to learn more about "what makes a good marriage" and steps toward doing so is Dr. John Gottman's book: "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." Dr. Gottman is a leader in this field and has done extensive studies with couples to determine what behaviors are key in making a marriage work and what behaviors could predict divorce. I think this book might be a good start if you're wanting to learn more about how to have a long lasting relationship. 


key: response
string_value:
I believe that counseling (and finding a GOOD therapist)
will be of significant help when the individual seeking therapy desires change,
improvement, and overall growth. Most counseling involves homework and a level
of commitment outside of session that also contributes to resolution of
problems and an ability to cope with stresses in a productive way. Here are
some of the key ways that therapy can help. 
1. Helps to define the problem and gain a clearer
understanding of where it originates. Many people seek counseling because of symptoms they are
experiencing. These can include feeling sad, increased sleeping, substance use,
panic attacks, self-harm, isolating one’s self, academic decline, etc. Often
times, people are not aware of what is causing these symptoms. Having a
therapist to help guide and explore why the symptoms are occurring and where
they come from will give individuals increased insight and awareness into their
problems. 
2. Allows for a safe outlet to vent.
Not everyone likes to share their problems with close
friends or family members. Maybe they don’t want others to know of their flaws.
Maybe they don’t want to burden others with their problems. Or maybe they just
are not comfortable talking about themselves. And in some situations people do
not have the option of talking with someone they know because they have no
friends or family. While talking with those we know can help bring some relief
it is also nice to talk with someone like a therapist who is objective and
emotionally removed from given situations. Counseling gives a safe outlet in
which one can express their personal feelings and thoughts without feeling
judged.
3. Counselors can offer various problem solving solutions.

A good therapist usually will not directly point their
client in the direction they need to go. Counseling is about growth and
teaching the client to identify triggers and use effective coping strategies
that will bring about emotional and psychological relief. Counselors will help
clients to explore the various options available in given situation, based on
the client’s needs, wants, and values and will help them to choose the option
that best fits with their desired outcome. 
4. Gives one the tools needed to cope with current and future
problems.
Many individuals that seek therapy have never learned
good coping strategies. Perhaps they did not have parents or caretakers to
model productive ways to cope or maybe the symptoms they are suffering from are
overbearing and take away the energy needed to cope. Different diagnoses
require different tools; however some are beneficial for any problem and any
individual. These include but are not limited to relaxation techniques,
breathing exercises, development of healthy routines, using mindfulness,
improving communication skills, and recognizing and changing maladaptive
thought patterns. A good counselor will teach clients how to use these tools,
will often practice them during session, and will assign homework for further
practice and mastery of the skills.
 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I know I need to deal with my depression. But I don't know how and I don't want to tell anyone. 

How can I deal with depression without telling anyone?


key: response
string_value:
First, let me extend my compassion to both of you -- it sounds like you have a lot on your plates. Childhood trauma carries its negative effects into our adulthood and affects everyone who loves us. Your question is brief, so I'll just try to give general answers as best I can. From my experiences treating many people with your boyfriend's experiences, the short, healthy answer is that you can't fix the situation and maybe not even be able to help. He needs a professional. Period. What you can do, is take care of yourself. With his background, it is not likely that he will be able to help you or take care of you in a healthy way. Your task needs to prioritize your own safety and well-being. Trauma and substance abuse are the definition of being out of control, unable to set and manage appropriate boundaries, manage his own emotions and behaviors. So your boyfriend is unlikely to be able to change in the near-term, certainly not without professional help. You might also benefit from help and support, to understand your own role in your relationship and how you can make changes in your life. I am NOT blaming you for any aspect of your boyfriend's behavior, only acknowledging that there are two people in every relationship. If you have accepted your boyfriend's drinking and violent outbursts in the past (by staying in the relationship), that is likely to perpetuate his behavior. And there isn't any way to "handle violent outbursts." They shouldn't be handled at all, and if you have to be away from your boyfriend during his outbursts in order to be emotionally and physically safe, then that may be what you will have to do. We can never really change anyone else. The only person we can change is ourselves. Sometimes our behavior changes the odds of another person's behaviors, but it doesn't control it. I would recommend that you work with a professional to first, ensure your own safety above all. Then make decisions about what behavior you are willing to accept or be connected to, and which you want to separate from. Whatever your boyfriend does in his life, you will be happier if you manage your own feelings, set boundaries, etc. Let me say again that you also would benefit from some good insight and support as you continue your journey. Wishing you and your boyfriend healing and recovery. 


key: response
string_value:
Hello, My heart goes out to you, your brother, and your family, dealing with a very painful and difficult situation. In New York, you can't institutionalize someone else directly. You can, however, call the police or EMS. If they agree that he would benefit from hospitalization (and it sounds like they would), he can be held in the hospital for up to 72 hours, whether he agrees or not. Some hospitals will not hold a person that long, in spite of what we might want. I have seen many patients in and out of hospitals countless times, and it has been my experience that it can be extremely difficult to hold a person long enough to achieve good stability and an appropriate after-care plan. Hospitals in NYC tend to take a "patch and release" approach more often than I would like. It's been my experience that family makes a difference. Assertive, knowledgeable, persistent family can improve the quality of your loved one's care. Hospitals are highly pressured to discharge people quickly but they can not discharge a homeless person without someplace to go. If your family is willing to accept your brother, that will be the path of least resistance for the hospital. If the family refuses, they will be forced to find another path for him. You can also pressure the hospital to refer to rehab after psychiatrically stablized (which may only take a few days) and that may give your brother more time to begin making clear-headed decisions. If your brother has a psychiatrist, that person should be actively involved. I had a patient patched-and-released three times, in spite of my advocacy and him literally begging to remain and stop his voices. We finally got a 90 day hospitalization because I strong-armed his psychiatrist into demanding that the hospital stabilize his patient.  If your brother has a history of non--compliance with oral medications, you can push the hospital for injection, which again will help your brother stay stable for longer. Best wishes to you and your family. 


key: response
string_value:
I would want to know where do you put your needs? Often times we show people how to treat us based on how we treat ourselves. First identify how to practice good self care which can only happen when you are authentic and real about your needs and desires. You cannot pour from an empty cup and must take find the time to explore your purpose in life. It may be helpful to seek out additional support to work on your intrapersonal relationship. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I am in my 30s with 2 kids and no job and I'm behind on the bills. I've been trying everything with no results. I feel like everyone else  puts their needs in front on mine. I give intil it hurts and I'm afraid that I'm going to fail my babies 

I've been struggling for 5 yrs in a relationship with no communication and no alone time. How can I get some support?


key: response
string_value:
It is difficult to implement healthy boundaries when the person is a parent or family member. I would encourage you to identify how it makes you feel after talking with your mother. Work on establishing healthy boundaries where you do not feel obligated to engage the complaining daily. Maybe setting a time limit to talk with your mother and practicing how to be assertive and not disrespect or aggressive. Helping your mother understand how you feel using  "I" statements  i.e  ( I feel _____ when you call to talk about my sister). Maybe asking your mom how can you be supportive of her during this time other than listening to her vent. It may also be helpful for your mother to get connected with support groups to help her cope with this life change. 


key: response
string_value:
The best way to move on is to give yourself sufficient time and space away from your ex so you can heal.  That means no checking out your ex on social media platforms and no contact.  In order to move on and diminish the obsessions, help yourself recognize and accept that the relationship is over, and make sure to get sufficient support in processing all your feelings.  Once that takes place, it can be useful to explore and process with a professional the meaning of the relationship and to understand your part in what transpired.Sometimes people obsess because they have difficulties accepting what's already taken place and want things to be different.  The key to moving forward is to be loving toward yourself, to give yourself permission to grieve the loss, and to start cultivating new and healthy habits/patterns.  Reengage in your present life, ask yourself what you want your life to look like, and start creating goals and taking small steps to create the amazing life you want for yourself.  


key: response
string_value:
Hi! Thank you for your question. It's tough to be in a healthy and loving relationship when we believe we are not worth it. Quite often being in such a relationship is very uncomfortable as it goes against everything we believe about ourselves. First, I want to say you are very brave to open up yourself to the relationship with this wonderful woman you met. Second, I would like to invite you to treat yourself with compassion as you are entering this unknown territory for yourself. Doing something new and totally unfamiliar can be scary, so it's vital that you are kind and gentle with yourself. Acknowledge that what you are doing is scary and uncomfortable and that it will take some time to get used to it. Don't judge yourself and force yourself to feel a certain way. It's important that you are patient with yourself and tolerant of your discomfort. With time, space, kindness, and tolerance your discomfort and fear will start to dissolve. Invite your new partner to also relate to your feelings in the open and compassionate way. The worst thing that you or your partner can do is to rush your feelings, pressure you to feel in a different way or to say that there is something wrong with you cause you feel a certain way. Please be gentle with yourself and celebrate and acknowledge every small victory. Every time you do something little, like holding hands or receive a compliment and it no longer scares you as it did a week ago - celebrate that progress! 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I have PTSD. The side effects are really bad and have impacts on sex, anger and my relationships.  I even lost my job month ago. 

How can I get my life back?


key: response
string_value:
Hello, I commend you for your courage in taking a look at the role alcohol has in your life. It sounds like you're concerned about what happens when you drink too much and I suspect you already know the answer to your question about whether you have a problem or not. I imagine you would like to stop feeling guilty and would like to avoid cheating on your boyfriend or other negative consequences and maybe have a fear of being or becoming an "addict" or "alcoholic." You might have a "problem" but that does not necessarily mean that you are an addict. I don't have information to know if "addiction" or "dependence" or other words would best describe where you are with drinking, but it sounds like it's begun to have some negatives, so forgive me using words like addict, dependence and so on. I mean it more as a road map than a diagnosis. The feedback I'm writing here is very general and doesn't address physical dependence and many other factors that might apply to your situation.  One of the ways to think about substance (mis)use is to think of addiction as a disease of avoidance. Let me repeat that: it is a disease of avoidance. Your ultimate task in living a balanced life is to figure out what you're avoiding and develop other ways to manage those feelings, experiences, and so on. And of course, along the way, you may want to look at triggers, situations, biological vulnerability, social pressures, coping skills, relapse prevention planning and so on. Depending on where you are in your drinking, you might very well benefit from expertise and support. Remember also that alcohol depresses our central nervous system and disinhibits us. That means that alcohol is often a substance of choice to relax, destress, calm down, etc. Also, it allows feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that we usually inhibit to be expressed. If you were unfaithful and often angry, that's your first signpost. For angry drinkers, it is often true that you don't drink and then get angry, you drink in order to express anger. I recommend you find someone you can speak frankly with, who is knowledgeable about addiction. Wishing you the best health and wellness. 


key: response
string_value:
You're in a lot of good company and it's great that you're in a positive relationship. Congratulations!I often hear people talk about loving yourself and self esteem. We often seem to blame ourselves for not "loving ourselves" enough or put ourselves down for having low self esteem. It seems to me that since we are essentially socially beings and in fact, need each other for our survival, we really know who we are through our many interactions with others and with our environment. In other words, you can't just snap your fingers and voila! now I love myself, where there was an empty space or self-doubt before. We grow that warm coal inside ourselves through the friction of contact with others who value and validate us.  Allow yourself to be patient with yourself as you experience this new relationship. You are learning a new model of who you are and how you fit into the world. What a marvelous gift for you! You may also have fears that the current joys may be temporary or unreliable. These fears of loss may get in your way, however understandable. If you are truly close to your companion, you can share with her that you are loving your relationship but sometimes fear it will go away and sometimes have trouble really trusting it. Such a conversation may bring you both closer. Hang in there. You're working on co-creating a new normal with a great woman. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky.  Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this?


key: response
string_value:
I would be more concerned with how is this being addressed in therapy. Therapy can be a rewarding process, however often times we do not pay much attention to the messages being sent to our bodies. I believe in somatic therapy which deals with our mind & body connection. I would think it may not be a question of normal or abnormal however if it is impacting you then you must pay attention to that. It would be helpful to explore the feelings you're having  with your therapist. It may be something that needs addressing to help alleviate those feelings or have a better understanding of why they are showing up when it is time for therapy. 


key: response
string_value:
Thank you for your question. It's completely normal and natural to feel nervous before a therapy session. Many people report having felt this way. I can't say enough regarding the amount of courage it takes to reach out and attend a therapy session. For many people, it can take weeks, months, or even years of contemplating whether to see a therapist or not before actually contacting one and attending the first session. It takes courage to want to work through any struggles you may be having or personal growth you aspire toward. In your question, you mentioned that you've "gone several times and are still feeling nervous and shaky." If you feel comfortable with your therapist and it's a good fit for you, I would suggest talking about this with your therapist. You don't have to struggle each time you have your appointment. Together, you and your therapist can work toward helping you have a different experience. 


key: response
string_value:
Everyone has different experiences going to therapy. Being nervous can be a typical emotion one might feel. Emotions are our body's way of telling us important information about ourselves. I would suggest talking openly in your sessions about this. That way you can process your thoughts and feelings with the guidance of your counselor. There are probably underlining emotions (fears or insecurities) that are being stirred up during your therapy sessions. Your counselor might suggest individual counseling depending on what you learn about your anxiety. In individual therapy you would have time to deal with your own stressors. As you address your issues, then you will have tools and skills that will be useful in addressing the couple relationship. 


key: response
string_value:
Hi there, Thank you for your question. It's absolutely ok to feel nervous going to therapy. I have experienced anxiety going to see my own therapist. There can be a few reasons why you might feel this way. First, it is always unnerving to see a person who is a stranger and to share intimate things with that stranger. You mentioned it has only been a couple of sessions. Your anxiety might subside as you continue to see your therapist and grow more comfortable with him/her. Another reason why you might feel particularly nervous is perhaps you are not comfortable sharing things. As children, we might have bad experiences opening up to others. Someone might bully or ridicule us, and that experience can stay with us for a long time, making it extra scary to share our intimate feelings and thoughts with others. If this the case, as you continue with your sessions and have positive interactions with your therapists, this anxiety will subside with time and you will re-learn that it is safe to share. And the last thought why you might feel the shakes is perhaps you know that you need to talk about some past experiences or memories that are uncomfortable and difficult. Regardless of the reason, it might help you to bring up your nervousness in your session and share how you feel with your therapist. Having an open dialogue about your anxiety with your therapist can help you resolve some of that anxiety and built greater trust with your therapist. 


key: response
string_value:
Hi there, Thank you for your openness about the challenge you are experiencing in your relationship. Sexual intimacy is an important part of many people's life, but how much importance is placed on it varies from couple to couple. The first step would be to have an open conversation with your husband. It's important you are both open about what you desire from sexual intimacy and how much intimacy each one of you wants. For example, asking your husband how often does he want to have sex/ week or /month. When having this conversation, it's important that you are both respectful and open with each other. The point of the conversation is to get to know each other and not to solve a problem, yet. There are couples who enjoy fulfilling platonic/friendship relationships with minimal or no sex because both partners are not interested in it. If you are both on the same page - lack of sex might not be a problem. If there is a difference in your sex drive and frequency of desire, I would recommend seeing a professional relationship & sex therapist as a couple to help you explore your current sexual dynamic, what's creating it, what's getting in a way of connecting sexually and to assist you and your husband in finding creative solutions. 


key: response
string_value:
Hi, Break ups can be very devastating and even traumatic. Recovering from one is a process that is unique for everyone person and will take time. It's important that you don't compare yourself to others. Each and every person will experience this grieving process differently. Here are a few tips to help with your recovery: 1. Make sure you surround yourself with people who love you and support you, friends and family. Even though you might feel like being alone, make an effort to be around them. 2. Although you might not feel like it, try to take care of yourself as much as possible: eat healthily, get regular sleep, & vigorous or gentle exercise (depending on your mood). The last thing that we want to do when we are physically sick (e.g. flu) is to take care of ourselves even thought that's what we need the most. But when we do get that chicken broth, sleep and vitamins we recover much faster and with less discomfort. That's exactly the same when it comes to emotional pain. Take care of yourself, keep yourself strong and healthy so you can recover faster. 3. As much as possible, put away reminders of the relationship. You might not be ready to throw things out, but try to put them away in a box in the storage or in a closet. And also block Social Media reminders. There is a lot of wisdom in the saying "Out of Sight, Out of Mind." 4. Once the initial shock and intensity of the break up wear off, try out something new. In a relationship, we often forget and give up on things that we always wanted to do or to try. Now it's time to bring out that dusty bucket list and start trying something new. 5. If possible, change your scenery by going away on vacation with a friend or even by yourself. Changing your surroundings can really help you change your thoughts, mindset and forget your ex even if just for a few hours. Even a weekend getaway with a couple of girlfriends can do wonders. 6. In addition, to help you make sense of your past relationship and what went wrong, I would highly recommend seeing a professional counsellor or therapist. 


key: response
string_value:
"Normal" can be an insidious word to use because it can undermine your sense of worth.  It implies there's one particular way you should be behaving and can leave you feeling crappy and "abnormal" if you're not behaving according to that prescribed standard.  Instead, what I'd recommend is to pay attention to your emotional experiences when you're attending therapy.  Explore your feelings and thoughts without judgement and try to reflect and understand what's going on that's causing you anxiety.  Once you figure out the underlying meaning of the anxiety, you can figure out a way to handle it and action steps to take to diminish it.  


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me. 

How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time?


key: response
string_value:
There are many possible ways dating your boss could go awry and jeopardize your occupational well-being so my recommendation is to hold off on presenting your boss with a personalized gift and instead focus on building attraction and romantic interest with someone who is not at the workplace.  Sometimes the element of power and unavailability can heighten our sexual interest but that doesn't mean it's a healthy idea to pursue someone who is in a position of power over you at your workplace.  


key: response
string_value:
I'm sorry you feel so alone and isolated, those feelings in and of themselves can lead to depression, stress and anxiety.  So job one is finding someone you can talk to.  A good friend or an open parent can be as helpful as a professional counselor, but if you don't have those, then by all means call your local Mental Health Association, suicide prevention, or go see your school counseling department. There are many of us now who do on-line, FaceTime, phone counseling so that is an option to consider in your situation.  On the other hand,  If you want to script a conversation with your parents (I'm a great believer in scripting) not that you're going to read it to them, but if you write down exactly what you want to say, read it over a few times before you're ready to have the conversation.  Why?  You'll be much more likely to do it if you're prepared, and you'll  have a better chance of saying everything you want to say in a calm but forceful way.  The same with your friends--you are probably a great listener and therefore attract people who want to talk--so you need to let these friends know you need something in return.  If you practice asking for equal talk time, then perhaps these friends will respond and surprise you, or if you make those demands you'll start attracting people who are looking for equality in friendships.  Now back to that script--first decide do you want to talk to both parents at once, or one at a time.  Then begin to write down the points you want to make such as:   I love you, and I know you love me but I don't feel as though I can trust your love to be unconditional enough to tell you who I really am, and how I really feel.  Find your own words to describe your own feelings.  If I can help, get in touch. You are right to reach out starting here, there are no prizes for suffering in silence and, as you already know, little joy in going it alone. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. I've been really sad lately and for the past few months I've realized I'm just way too dependent on him.   It makes me really upset to be so dependent on someone else, but I can't help it. I don't even know who I am without him.

How can I be less dependent on my him?


key: response
string_value:
In order to develop a better intimate connection with your husband, it's important to first cultivate a strong connection with yourself.  I would take some time to explore your own body, notice what feels pleasurable, and play with different ways to achieve orgasm on your own.  Explore your own willingness to be open emotionally, sexually, and to play and have fun.Once you've engaged in a process of self exploration, I would check in with yourself and be honest about why you're not enjoying sex.  Are there specific reasons you're not enjoying sex with your husband?  Sometimes the reasons might be of a sexual nature and other times there could be emotional blocks (or anxiety) or other reasons that prevent you from wanting to be fully open and let go with your partner.  From a sexual perspective, I would explore what you can do to increase your own pleasure, learn ways to communicate your needs in a loving way, and focus on pleasure and play (rather than outcome and orgasm).   Begin by taking the pressure off orgasm and enjoy a naked massage together-- focusing on exploring what feels pleasurable.  Lastly, if you're wanting to learn new skills, check out a local sex workshop.   


key: response
string_value:
It is absolutely a typical response.  Many of my clients are nervous the first couple of times we meet.  This is essentially a stranger with whom you are sharing your feelings.  


key: response
string_value:
of  I would love to know a little bit more about what's going on in your life but I will attempt an answer.Yes, you could still be shaky and nervous going to therapy. This therapy thing your doing is sometimes scary. First, because your opening up things that you might have never wanted to. Second, your still building a relationship with this therapist person. You may never get over that. The therapist really can't be your "friend". They are there to push the buttons that you might not want pushed and help you heal.  That in itself is scary and can make you anxious. Third, you really never know where this therapy thing will go. Yes, there are goals. But sometimes side roads need to be taken and sometimes that is scary.Know this you are in the right place. You are taking steps to change. 


key: response
string_value:
In general, our past is always somewhat alive and does inform our present experiences.  All past experiences, both positive and negative are what have brought you where you are today, physically and emotionally.   That being said, your father's behavior does not have to define you or your future.  You have power over your life and your future.  By learning more about yourself, you can learn to incorporate your past into your present life, without being defined by past traumas.  The best way to grow and learn how to do this is to talk with someone about your experiences.  By talking about your past and present struggles with a trusted confidante or helping professional you will hopefully learn how to be at peace with your past.  


key: response
string_value:
If there is no one in your life with whom you feel comfortable, I would recommend identifying someone on this site, psychology today or goodtherapy.org who is in your area, then give that therapist a call to see if you would be a good match.  


key: response
string_value:
It sounds like you and your boyfriend are very close.  Do you typically spend most of your time together?  If so, it may be important to reflect on how you feel when you are apart.  If any separation is difficult, you may need to examine why.  Think about what it is that you miss and what you are anxious, upset or worried about.  If you examine the causes of your distress you likely will experience some relief.   It is important to learn how to be happy when you are alone, it will only improve the way you feel when you are with your boyfriend.  


key: response
string_value:
It sounds like you are reacting to an issue in communication patterns, rather than a particular word.  The ability to listen considerately to your partner and to have your partner listen to you is one of the keystones of a successful relationship.  If your partner is not listening to, acknowledging and remembering your wishes, that is likely an indicator of some fissures in the foundation of the relationship. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My fiancé and I come from a strong Christian background but both went off the "straight and narrow" once before. He is having a hard time accepting my past, especially  that I'm not a virgin. He has a hard time in general accepting himself and others. 

His insecurities are hurting our relationship. How can I help him let go of my past and decide to live in the present?


key: response
string_value:
For some people it's absolutely normal to feel nervous about coming to therapy.   It's sometimes hard to share our emotions and feelings with someone --- no matter how warm and caring the therapist is.     Are you comfortable with your therapist?  Is it a good relational fit?      Maybe this is a good thing to discuss with your specific therapist at the beginning of your next session --- maybe they can help you find some strategies or tools to make it easier?  


key: response
string_value:
Breaking up can be a very difficult thing.  I'm sorry you're feeling badly.    The first thing is to be really sure you are taking care of yourself --- that means eating well, exercising, getting good sleep, spending time with friends/family and making sure you are taking care of important things like work, rent, bills etc.    Secondly, it's important to do things that make you feel better and not worse.   If looking up your ex on social media makes you feel worse stop doing it!   It's important to concentrate on you and not them.    Thirdly, it's super important to make sure you're really looking at the situation accurately and look for the good things that still exist in your life ---  what is still good?   Even though your emotions are hurting and you are feeling badly, can you see the light at the end of the tunnel?  Do you feel hope?  If you do try to concentrate on that hope feeling.   If the obsessing continues and really gets in the way of living your life?   Maybe contact a therapist or counsellor that can help you through this difficult time? 


key: response
string_value:
Sorry to hear you are feeling that way.    Is there a 24-hour helpline where you are that you can call?   Here is a website with some numbers to call:  https://psychcentral.com/lib/common-hotline-phone-numbers/      You could talk to your family doctor and they could help you find a therapist?   You could also use this website to find a therapist.  https://therapists.psychologytoday.com.  I sincerely hope you find someone to talk to.  


key: response
string_value:
It sounds like there are issues with communication between you and your husband.  Your perceptions of interactions that you are having don't sound like they match up.  It would probably be helpful for you both to work on communicating using "I" statements (I feel----when you---).  This is a more effective way of communicating your needs than directly criticizing the other person.  If you work on communicating in new, less critical ways you both may learn more about your spouse's feelings and perspective.  


key: response
string_value:
Sometimes we have difficulty keeping the past in the past. The best way to build a great relationship and have a great future, believe it or not, is to be firmly placed in the present. That means that when we stay in the moment with our partner and can notice what we are experiencing in the here and now we reap the best benefits of that relationship. We notice the good things that are happening in the moment. We are reacting to what we are experiencing in the moment, not reacting to a worry about the past. We notice, especially, who the person is right now and not who they were in the past.  We can connect with the things we love about them, too.I think it is great that you want to help him and the choice to stay in the present and move forward in the relationship will mostly be up to him. We cannot change another person. It sounds like couples counseling might be a great step for you because you can both learn the skills you need to stay in the present and also learn some helpful "active listening" skills so that you can really listen to one another and understand each other. Communication skills can really be helpful. You can both have the opportunity to hear each other and support each other. We cannot change the past, but we can create the future we want.Best of luck to you both! 


key: response
string_value:
Betrayal in a relationship can be one of the most difficult things a relationship can sustain. Sometimes feelings about the betrayal may also trigger past wounds. The fact that "it only happened once" may not make it any easier to move forward. I highly recommend working with a mental health professional who has experience working around the issue of infidelity. Together, you can work on healing the wounds and moving forward. I do believe it is possible to move forward, if both partners are ready and willing to do the work to move forward together and create a new vision for their relationship. 


key: response
string_value:
If your daughter is the same age as most of the other students in her class, and the other students easily complete the tasks you list here, then there is a problem in the performance of these tasks for your daughter.Without knowing more about the context of your daughter's life, for example, is she a new student to the school and class, are there major stressors in the home environment, does your daughter have friends, does your daughter have the same problems she has in school, when she is in other environments?Also, who is telling you she has these problems?  Are you the one who notices what you describe here or is your daughter or is her teacher telling you these facts?Depending on your answers to the questions, start to get clarity with the classroom teacher and the school guidance counselor as to the source of your daughter's problem.Good luck! 


key: response
string_value:
This suffering and clinging to the past, especially a troubled past or a past that we dont like, may be  amplified due to the Christian framework that may be built into your life. I am not averse to religion, i just think that many times it puts unreasonable expectations on us and helps us to form a guilt complex or perhaps even insecurities, we are humans and humans make mistakes. you mention the straight and narrow, this is a notion that you must give up on and let go, humans can never travel the straight and narrow for their whole lives there are bounds to be mistakes, we are the most fallible species on the planet and please tell your fiance to have some mercy on himself, he is not perfect. Here is a story about clinging on to things you may find useful to mediate on:Once
there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal
river. The current of the river swept silently over them all -- young and
old, rich and poor, good and evil -- the current going its own way, knowing
only its own crystal self.
Each creature in its own
manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging
was their way of life, and resisting the current was what each had learned
from birth.
But one creature said
at last, "I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes,
I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let
it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom."
The other creatures laughed
and said, "Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled
and smashed against the rocks, and you will die quicker than boredom!"
But the one heeded them
not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed
by the current across the rocks.
Yet in time, as the creature
refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and
he was bruised and hurt no more.
And the creatures downstream,
to whom he was a stranger, cried, "See a miracle! A creature like ourselves,
yet he flies! See the messiah, come to save us all!"
And the one carried in
the current said, "I am no more messiah than you. The river delights to
lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this
adventure."
But they cried the more,
"Savior!" all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again
he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a savior.


key: response
string_value:
It's hard when you feel as if you're the only one that's taking the time to listen to your spouse. But, I would look at this as an opportunity to see if you can become aware of what exactly is happening between you, when you try and talk with your husband. Sometimes, it can be in the way dialogue is approached. I would suggest paying attention to the way you begin dialogue with your husband. See if blame and criticism are present. When blame and criticism are included, bids for connection, can quickly go off track. This can sometimes start off with something like: "why don't you..." "you aren't..." "you don't..." Partners can quickly go into defensive mode if they feel they are being attacked and sometimes starting off like this can feel like an attack.  Also, become aware of the time of day or evening when you approach your husband. Sometimes, this can make a big difference for couples as far as when they can truly be present for one another.  If you find this pattern continues, you might consider seeking professional help through couples therapy. A trained couples therapist can help you both understand more about what's happening between you. 


key: response
string_value:
Feeling alone in your marriage is one of the most painful feelings. Wanting connection with your spouse yet feeling the all too familiar distance that's keeping you apart can be so hurtful. But, change is possible. You might be able to move closer toward each other on your own but since there has been two years of distance, I would suggest looking into couples therapy with a trained couples therapist. They are trained in helping couples begin to examine what's been happening that has caused a drift in your marriage. I'm also curious if there was a significant event that occurred around the time you started feeling distant. If there was something that occurred during this time that is hard for you both to talk about, couples therapy can help with this also. It can provide a safe and supportive space for you both. 


key: response
string_value:
Dealing with a breakup is difficult. We have high hopes and then those hopes and dreams are dashed and we feel at a loss for how to deal with this sudden change in our lives. First, it is important to acknowledge that losing a relationship is a loss and we need to grieve that loss. If we don't allow ourselves time to process and move through the grieving process, we may remain stuck and it may make it hard to move on. So in some ways, you don't want to move on too soon by just trying to ignore your feelings. Instead, take good care of yourself, talk to friends and give your self time to heal. The second most important thing is to forgive yourself; this is also an important part of taking care of yourself. You might be blaming yourself and re-living moments when you wish you would have done things differently. By replaying those thoughts you remain stuck. When we begin to forgive ourselves, we truly begin to heal. Lastly, in my experience the people who have the most difficulty moving on have not really severed all ties with their ex. They are still following them on social media or even checking in with texts. This is probably the hardest part for some people, but to move forward there needs to be a clear boundary and a clear ending. If you have a clear ending, you can have a new beginning. I hope this helps. Take good care of yourself! 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My dad doesn't like the fact that I'm a boy. He yells at me daily because of it and he tells me I'm extreme and over dramatic.

I get so depressed  because of my dad's yelling. He keeps asking me why I can't just be happy the way I am and yells at me on a daily basis. Is this considered emotional abuse?


key: response
string_value:
When "threats" of leaving, such as what you described in your question ("kicking you out, wanting divorce") are continuous in your marriage, it can start to erode at the foundation of your relationship, impacting both partners. And, if you're concerned about the influence of another male in the relationship, and are unable to express your concerns or fears to your wife, it's extremely difficult to build a secure functioning relationship. From the information provided in your question, it seems as if there is some avoidance evident in your relationship. Avoidance of being able to express yourself and have honest communication about your relationship. If your wife is willing, I would recommend seeing a marriage counselor to help you both during this time. Or, for you to talk with an individual therapist, if marriage counseling isn't an option.  


key: response
string_value:
One key factor to consider is, are you able to repair after your arguments? It seems from your question that repair is lacking after any disagreement or argument. When couples are able to repair after an argument, they have an opportunity to learn more about each other's needs moving forward. I'm also curious if you're having the same type of arguments over and over? If you're stuck in a particular pattern, and can start recognizing what happens between you when this pattern happens, then you can start to name it. Once you name it, then you can take a break to cool off and come back to each after your nervous system has had a chance to calm down (about 30 minutes). The key here though is to make sure you have a plan in place - when things are good between you - an agreement between you that when you both start to get escalated, you'll name it or have an agreed upon code word to signal you don't want to continue this cycle, and then agree to cool off and come back together at a later time. That way, when this is enacted during an argument, nobody feels abandoned during the cool off time. Rather, both partners know they will return at a time when they can truly hear each other and hear their needs. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends.

I spent the weekend with him and  it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong?


key: response
string_value:
Thank you for submitting this question. I think this type of situation can be common for many couples struggling with how to keep friendships with past relationships while being in a new relationship. For me, more information is needed here...but given the information provided, the way I interpret the question is...I'm assuming your boyfriend didn't know you were going to spend the weekend with your good friend?  Working off of this assumption, I would suggest beginning an open and honest dialogue with your boyfriend about what specifically upset him? And to talk about your point of view regarding spending the weekend with him. I would also suggest talking about how you both envision your relationship when it comes to spending time with others. If you feel like you can't have this conversation without it going off track, please consider seeing a couples therapist. They can help you begin these important conversations that can help shape and develop the relationship you and your boyfriend long for.  


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I crossdress and like to be feminine but I am attracted to women, but yet that seems to bother girls I date or ask out. 

How can I approach them about it? should I hold back and keep it a secret, or should I just be up-front about it.  I wonder if i should stop or if I should continue to do it since it makes me happy.  What should I do?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I don't know how else to explain it. All I can say is that I feel empty, I feel nothing.  How do I stop feeling this way?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I'm dealing with an illness that will never go away and I feel like my life will never change for the better. I feel alone and that i have no one. 

How can I overcome this pain and learn to be happy alone?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone.

My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do?


key: response
string_value:
Have you asked your daughter why she's doing the behaviors you describe?Often the best way to find out why someone does something is to simply ask them their reason.Her answer will give you some guidance as to next possible steps.If she's pretending to be a fantasy figure or trying to find out how being taller feels, or walking on high heels or some other image then knowing this rules out that she has some unbearable pain in her arch which may require more practical answers such as new shoes or even indicate a medical problem.Ask if she's noticed any change in the way she walks.   Maybe she doesn't know she's doing this and maybe she feels embarrassed to tell you she's doing something a bit odd.Since usually 12 year olds don't color, is it new that she started coloring?Maybe given the fact of messy handwriting, she's in a phase of pretending or reflecting on good times as a young child.Then this becomes the topic of examination.Does she feel insecure about being on the cusp of adolescence?Some of these questions can be asked directly and some are for you to first decide based on what you know of your daughter, which questions and what direction to take in understanding your daughter's motivation.   


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I'm concerned about My 12 year old daughter. 

About a month or two ago she started walking on her toes, as well as coloring and writing very messy. This all happened very suddenly. She has never walked on her tiptoes and has always colored and written very neatly. 

Is this something I should be concerned abou? Any advice will help.


key: chroma:document
string_value:
A few years ago I was making love to my wife when for no known reason I lost my erection, 

Now I'm In my early 30s and my problem has become more and more frequent.  This is causing major problems for my ego and it's diminishing my self esteem. This has resulted in ongoing depression and tearing apart my marriage. 

I am devastated and cannot find a cause for these issues. I am very attracted to my wife and want to express it in the bedroom like I used to. 

What could be causing this, and what can I do about it?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I've been bullied for years and the teachers have done nothing about it. I haven't been diagnosed with depression, but i have been extremely sad for years.

How can I deal with being bullied at school when the teachers won't help?


key: response
string_value:
This can be a very complicated situation. The boundaries of relationship include the rules to follow in the relationship. It is important to follow the rules of your relationship  in regards to each person being able to spend time with exes. If you and your boyfriend agree upon a rule about spending time with exes, then there should be no problem. 


key: response
string_value:
As a relationship therapist I work with couples all the time that are in the repair phase of their relationship after infidelity. The short answer to this, is not only is it possible to have a satisfying and fullfilling relationship after infidelity, it happens more often that we may know. The current rate of infidelity is high, while it's not important to go into many reasons, it mau be important to know you aren't alone in this! My biggest suggestion for you would be to seek out a professional counselor that specializes in working with couples healing from infidelity. Best of luck! 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I'm dealing with imposter syndrome in graduate school.  I know that by all accounts I am a phenomenal graduate student, and that I am well-published.  I am well liked by students and faculty alike.  And yet I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to be found out as a fraud. 

How can I get over this feeling?


key: response
string_value:
There are different reasons why a counselor may seek to terminate with a client and these will each have different processes by which the counselor will come to that decision. Here are a few examples. The counselor may determine that the client's needs are outside what the counselor is competent to be able to work with. A person may have come to the counselor talking about a particular issue but either when they first met or as counseling progressed, it may become clear that the issue is in fact something different or that there is an additional related issue. If that issue is outside the competence of the counselor, the counselor should look for alternatives, the most common of which would be to terminate and refer. Beyond clinical issues, this could also come up around particular other related facts, such as the culture of the client or linguistic issues. This could also be the choice of the counselor if they know someone that they feel would be a better match for the client's issues. Another reason for discharge (and possible referral) would be if the relationship does not seem to be a good fit. No counselor is the right person to work with everyone. If the right level of connection is not happening, the counselor will often look first at what they are doing, might talk about it with the client and ultimately will admit that things don't seem to be working to allow the desired therapeutic process to work. A similar process would be followed if the counselor determined that the client might not yet be ready for counseling as evidenced by lack of engagement such as frequent cancellations, not doing any agreed on work between sessions, showing up late or being really guarded in session. The easiest situation to decide on is when a person has met their counseling goals and have nothing new that they are working on. While this is the easiest one to determine, it is also probably the hardest one for the counselor as they may be like the client in not wanting the relationship to come to an end. However, counselors know that this is part of the process. They will also determine this by regularly reviewing the treatment plan or by sending in the sessions that the work has come to an end. This type of termination maybe final or may be with the intent that the client will return later to address other things that have been identified but for which they are not ready to move into. All of these (and other) situations involves the counselor being open to the relationship ending, to monitoring how things are going, then engaging in self reflection, possibly talking with the client and then coming to a conclusion on which the counselor  follows through. 


key: response
string_value:
Hello, There are many ways to approach a counselor and starting the process, however they all start with picking up the phone.  It's most definitely an uncomfortable feeling, but once that first step is taken it is often met with a wave of relief. My recommendation is always to call and speak with a therapist over the phone before scheduling an appointment. Listening to how they converse, use their tone and inflection, may give you a brief insight to how they will respond to you and increase your comfort right away. You may also discover, rather quickly, that this therapist is not the right match for you.Regardless of how you go about it, I like to remind all people who call, email, text or walk-in, therapists are a bit like pizzas - if you don't like the toppings, send it back! There are hundreds of therapists offering all kinds of styles of therapy - take the time to pick one that suits you. 


key: response
string_value:
I'm alway wary of assigning a term to a feeling, as often that term becomes more important than the feeling itself. From the very little that you have written, it is clear that you are going through something that has made you extremely low, affected your self-esteem and motivation, limits your enjoyment of formerly pleasurable activities and affects your feelings of self-worth. All of these are aspects of being depressed, though you can be depressed and still not have "depression". Counseling is definitely a place where you can go and sort out why you have had such a sudden a drastic change to your mood. Sometimes our mood can be effected by changes in our routine, losses or significant disappointments. Talking with someone will not only help you to better understand why you are feeling this way, but they will also help you to ground yourself and learn strategies and tools to help you to manage your mood and strategize for the future. I do hope that you will reach out. Feeling alone can be harmful over long periods of time, as it can stop us from seeking out the support we need. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I'm in my late teens and live with my dad.  The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks. 

Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right.

Are they right, am I depressed?


key: response
string_value:
Hello. Workplace stress is one of those areas of living that troubles many people who need an income to survive. The interactions between you and coworkers is a mixed bag, and sorting that out can be difficult. Also, if you are feeling under appreciated and not well paid, this can add bitterness to your lot of emotions. A few questions can be kept in mind as you work through your situation. Do you have the option of talking to your employer about your experiences and feelings with regard to your current work? Do you have local resources that you can use to find different jobs in your field? Do you have connections with employment counselors or agencies that can support you with strategies in dealing with workplace stress? These questions might cause others to bubble up, and could begin a new journey into a new field.While still at your job, what can you do to take care of yourself? Are you taking breaks? Do you eat lunch at the office, or do you go somewhere away from the office to eat? What do you do when you have a few moments to breathe? Understanding that you can indeed find even the smallest strategies useful for self-care, can help bolster your energy and give you some support as you move through the day. Seeking the support of family and friends can be helpful as well. Knowing your personal limits and when to pull back and take a break will give you a chance to recharge your mental and physical energy, thus helping you face the demands of your job. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I am in a high stress position for a tech company. I am being overworked and underpaid for my contributions and it is not only giving me anxiety, but also demoralizing.

What can I do to manage my stress?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My daughter seemed to be developing at a normal rate until about the age of 10. She then started to act younger than she is. 

Now she only wants to play with younger kids and she doesn't act her age. I don't know why this is happening. Is this normal?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My son was diagnosed with autism a few years ago and I stopped working so that I could take care of him.  I also was dealing with an abusive relationship (mentally, physically, and emotionally). Now I live like a recluse and I always feel nervous around people.

How can I feel more comfortable around other people?


key: response
string_value:
To be non-judgemental, know who they themselves are, be able to step forward and ask questions with ease and grace into painful emotional areas.Also to respect human difference in accomplishing basic life tasks and everyday living. 


key: response
string_value:
Hello. Being a teenager in our society today can cause depression quite easily. We look at the world in which we live, and the doubts we have about being able to make a contribution, or to have value and worth with the people around us, and we begin to internalize those messages of self-worth. If that alone were not enough, you are trying to figure out where you want to go in life, and who you are supposed to be in the world. Teens are faced with pressures of being judged by your peers for how you present yourself; following current fashions; possessing the trendy things; and hanging out with the "in crowd." Here's a "secret" that might help with most of those issues: Not much of those problems I've just described will really matter as they might seem to right now, in the real world. If you are feeling depression because you feel you lack some of those things that are seen as important by others (like your peers), I can assure you that being someone who is kind; compassionate; understanding of another person's suffering; and the effort you make to be the best person you can become in the world, will far outweigh anything you experienced in your teen years.When we are young, we judge everything based on what our peers have, what they say, the way they dress, who's popular, who's not popular, and for the most of it, all of that is external. So the question becomes, are you trying to fix the feelings on the inside (the internal stuff), with the trappings of all the stuff on the outside (the internal)? That is to say, do you feel that if you had what your friends have, you would be happy and less depressed? Depression is usually a symptom of something much bigger, it is not typically a problem by itself (just as a person who experiences a high temperature may likely have a cold). So fixing the symptom requires looking at the possible causes. In your post, you mentioned that you live with your dad. Are your parents divorced or separated, or has your mom passed away? Either of these circumstances could certainly cause depression. Finding out when you started feeling depressed, might be able to pinpoint the trigger that caused it, which requires looking at when you last felt really happy. It is also important to keep in mind, that as a teenager, your emotions are often being experienced very randomly, and sometimes without cause. It is part of your emotional development, but as you grow older can learn how to manage those emotions better and practice doing things that help you feel better (without causing harm to yourself).Have you tried talking to your dad about your feelings, or maybe another relative if you feel safer doing so? Do you have a friend who is your best friend...someone who is there for you no matter what? If not, there is a service you can use that is a national number for teens to talk with teen peer counselors. They are teens like yourself, but they have some insights that might be helpful. Its called Teen Line (https://teenlineonline.org/). It helped me when I was in my teens, and has helped lots of other teens as well. You might find a place to get some referrals to other local services in your area. If you want are in Washington state and would like to connect with me directly, you call link to me via my profile page. Or perhaps finding a counselor in your local area might be useful. Most towns and cities have some form of low cost counseling. You might also check with your school for assistance.Don't be afraid of not always knowing how you are supposed to feel. Adults don't always have a handle on it either. Being a teenager carries a lot stress, fear, and uncertainty. But you are not alone, and there is help if you reach out for it. I wish for you the very best, and bright future. 


key: response
string_value:
I am so sorry for your loss.  Generally therapists only have a duty to report self harm to ones self or others if it is expressed to them.  Often times they will not report relapses due to the fact that proper releases were not signed or patient has specifically asked them not to for fear of shaming or failure again.  I understand this may not be the answer you were hoping for.  I would encourage the family to seek therapy themselves for help coping with such a loss. 


key: response
string_value:
You are not hopeless, as you can see there are many people who care about your well being and believe you can overcome this.  I would suggest that you first get evaluated for your alcohol consumption.  Alcohol is one of the addictions that you may need to seek inpatient treatment for.  If not inpatient then be monitored by a doctor.  Once you are evaluated and or complete inpatient treatment I would suggest you participate in a form of outpatient therapy on a consistent basis.  


key: response
string_value:
There are plenty of online providers within the mental health field that would me more than happy to speak with you immediately.  Many of them provide treatment on a sliding scale fee.  I would google online mental health treatment providers and that should lead you to a list of providers that can help you. 


key: response
string_value:
Your dad needs to be aware that he has a problem and be willing to make some changes in order for him to be motivated to stop.  Often times individuals will be forced to stop when they were not ready.  Remember we can not ever make someone do something they do not want to do.  There needs to be at least a little willingness on the other party to make some changes.  I would encourage you to reach out to your family or other loved ones and have a conversation with your dad regarding your concerns. 


key: response
string_value:
It can be challenging to quite anything once we set our mind to it.  We often crave the things more that we know we can not or should not have.  With that being said I would encourage you to become aware of the chemical dependency part that cigarettes have on your brain and your body.  Then make yourself aware of the mental part the habit part.  Often times people will engage in smoking again just from the mere social aspect of it.  Make yourself aware of these and devise a plan of the things you will do instead of going out on smoke breaks, or the ritual of smoking in the car on on the back porch.  There are plenty of support groups out there to help with this as well.  Smoking cessation is a good resource.  


key: response
string_value:
I would look at  getting engaged with a support network of individuals who may also have autistic children.  They will understand some of the things that you are experiencing at home and you may also find someone who feels that same way as you. If you have not sought professional counseling for the abusive relationship I would seek out a therapist who can help you process through it so you do not repeat similar choices in your next relationship. 


key: response
string_value:
A good therapist will discuss what brought you to therapy in the first place and devise a therapy plan with you on some of the things that you may want to work on.  The plan is not set in stone as things may arise during your therapy sessions. You also agree on how often and when you would like to meet. 


key: response
string_value:
You are describing a very legitimate reaction to trauma.  Rape is an aweful experience and I am very sorry that happened to you.  When horrible things happen, people often react in a way that interferes with the ability to live a normal life and function the way they did in the past.  This is very common and the goal is to help you manage the stress caused by dealing with negative events and with help you can regain emotional well-being.  This is especially important if you have had more than one negative thing happen.  Oftentimes, the unconscious reaction is to become numb and avoid all feelings, especially if more than one negative event occurred.  A big part of what causes people trouble are feelings of guilt.  We often blame ourselves when bad things happen. It is actually difficult to comprehend the concept that we don't always have control of what happens in life.  In addition, when you mentioned feeling like a sociopath, it sounded like you feel like your reaction is wrong.  The first thing you can do is realize that your feelings and reactions are o.k., you aren't doing anything wrong, and nothing is wrong with you.  The next step is to start dealing with the impact of these traumatic experiences. Identifying your feelings, and knowing the thoughts and beliefs that are behind those emotions can help you regain your sense of happiness.  Research shows that understanding and expressing those thoughts and feelings can help.  If doesn't sound like you need to do anything to change yourself, but talking to a counselor can be helpful in managing your reaction to a incredibly traumatic experience.  I hope this helps you understand your feelings and can get to a place where you enjoy life.  


key: response
string_value:
That is a really tough situation that a lot of young people are experiencing right now.  The first thing to under is that you can’t change who your parents are and cannot change their behavior.  The thing to keep in mind is that you can control your responses and actions.  You may need to keep living at home with them for the next few months or years and the best way to do this is to have a plan. The second thing is to keep in mind that their controlling behavior is most likely not about based your behavior.  Controlling parents are often driven by their concept of what will keep their children safe and happy.  Unfortunately this is not always accurate but keep in mind it is not a personal attack.  There are ways you can deal with controlling parents – and most of them require creating a plan of action.Examples of action plans:Decide in advance how you’ll calmly and rationally respond to your parents when you feel they’re trying to control youArrange to phone a friend or trusted adult when you feel like you’re losing controlTalk in person to an adult you trust. There aren’t any quick tips on how to deal with parents who want to control you; you need to find strategies that are geared to your specific family situation.  Get specific coping tips from books about family dynamics, such as:Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan ForwardCutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents by Howard HalpernA counselor can be a good resource and provide support and guidance about issues addressing normal growth and development during periods of transition.  


key: response
string_value:
Goodbyes can be hard.
Chances are most of the goodbyes you have experienced in your life have been
difficult. Saying goodbye to a therapist can be different. It can be an
opportunity to create a healthy ending in a positive relationship in your life.
If you work with a therapist who is skilled, then saying goodbye can be just as
transformative as the therapy itself. Ending therapy is also known
as “termination.” I know, “termination” doesn’t have a great ring to it!
However, it is what it is. It is an ending of the relationship as it existed.
It is reality cold and stark. Of course, when I talk to clients I don’t use the
word “termination,” I usually say “our goodbye.”  Under what circumstances does therapy usually
end? Therapy should end when a client does not need further assistance, is not
receiving any benefit from therapy, or might be harmed by continuing to work
with a particular therapist.In the best case scenario
the decision to move on from therapy and “say our goodbyes” happens when both
the therapist and the client feel like the client is ready to move on and move
up!  Ending the therapeutic relationship
should actually be worked on from the very first session. What I mean by that
is, there should be an understanding that the work we do together will have an
ending and that is a good thing because it means the client has gained the
skills to continue working on themselves independently. So the first session I
have with clients usually outlines a plan where the end goal is discussed and
we both have an understanding of the skills the client wants to learn or what
they hope to achieve. Now sometimes there are
situations where the therapist ends the relationship and the client may take
that personally, it is hard when any relationship ends and it might bring up
feelings of sadness, and fear or abandonment. Any good therapist will end the
relationship based on what is right for the client. What are some situations
where a therapist might end the relationship?If the situation the client
is dealing with is out of the therapist's scope of practice, the therapist may
end the relationship and refer the client to someone else. This is in the
client’s best interest. Another reason a therapist might end the relationship
is that the therapist is in a place in her life which prevents her from being
objective and helpful.  A therapist who
is going through a painful divorce may have difficulty working with a couple
that considering divorce. A good therapist may see that their judgement may be
clouded and want to refer the client to see someone else. This is good practice
and helps the client.If a client is actively
suicidal or actively using substances then the therapist may end the
relationship and refer out for a higher level of care. The client may need to
be hospitalized or may need an inpatient substance abuse treatment program.
Therapy may be terminated while they are being treated and may continue after
the intensive program is completed. 
Ending therapy should be a
time for connection and bringing together accomplishments, or reviewing the
next important step the client needs to take. It should not be an experience of
abandonment. A skilled therapist will help a client gain a new perspective on
closure. For some clients, it may be the one time in their lives when they get
a clean ending in a healthy relationship and they get to feel a sense of
control on creating that ending. Good luck to you!


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I'm a teenager and I've been sneaking out of my house at night for a year now. I've been caught several times.  I want to stop doing this but I don't know where to start. How do I stop?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want.  Things like "you aren't worth anything."  I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it.

What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts?


key: response
string_value:
Hopefully you feel you have the time to follow this procedure.1. For a week - log when you smoke - time, place and activity2. Plan on cutting back 10% for a week.Cut out the easiest times.3.Next change the times and and activities for 3 days - consider water or candy or gum if it is very tough. 4. Cut another 10% each week until you are done. 


key: response
string_value:
It sounds like you are trying to find a label to help you to understand why you are feeling the way you are feeling.  Sometimes there are no labels for how we feel.  Sometimes there is no name for the emotions that we are experiencing. Regardless, you do not have to continue to feel this way, no matter what you call it.  If you are seeking to experience an internal calmness such as your external calmness, you may want to try some mindfulness practices or meditation.  However, being able to get at the root cause of what you are feeling may be what you need to help you release this feeling for the long term.  I recommend seeking support for this to allow this internal screaming to get some air and begin to breathe. 


key: response
string_value:
First off, there is nothing wrong with you.  In fact, having random thoughts we feel we cannot control is actually quite common and normal.  Sometimes our thoughts think they are protecting us (if we think we aren't worth anything, it won't hurt when we get rejected) but they are actually doing quite the opposite.  They are keeping us "stuck" and creating a self-prophization.  (If I think I am not worth anything, I don't have to try, and I will keep proving to myself that I am not worth anything).  There are many techniques to work through and start to change our negative self-talk.  There are actually many self-help workbooks that can help with this as well.  A technique I like to use is meditation or mindfulness.  This can teach us to accept our thoughts (not fight them) and then learn to let them go.  Release the power they have on us.  If we can learn to release these and not ruminate on them, this will give us the space to allow more positive and supportive thoughts to come in.  Mantras can help with this as well (I AM worth a lot, I AM important, I have value).  Saying these to yourself everyday over and over (even if at first you don't believe) can retrain our brains to believe it (and allow us to believe it).  I have even wrote positive mantras to myself in my bathroom mirror so I am forced to look at these throughout the day.Please remember to not be hard on yourself as you begin to attempt to change the automatic thought patterns.  It took a while for you to get where you are and it will take a while for this change to kick in and feel normal.  So allow the process to happen slowly and allow yourself to accept you as the amazing and brave person you are.  


key: response
string_value:
Speaking with a licensed therapist will help you figure out if indeed you have a problem or not.  I would say the first question you should ask yourself is why you are drinking? The second would be why you feel the need to drink in excess? It may be due to a life event or the crowd you are running with.  Either way a therapist will be able to help you through this as you already made the first step in admitting you are having a difficult time. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My boyfriend is in recovery from drug addiction. We recently got into a fight and he has become very distant.  I don't know what to do to fix the relationship.


key: response
string_value:
I think it is important that you are able to convey what you are looking for in a therapist even if that changes over time.  You need to look at it like you are interviewing the counselor and that they will be able to provide you with the therapy you need.  To many times we do not know and it ends up not being a good fit and then people are left with a bad experience and do not want to re-engage.  Remembering you are basically hiring someone to help you so I would treat it as such. Do some research and be clear as to why you are coming to therapy and ask questions as how they will be able to help you. 


key: response
string_value:
I think the best thing for you is to speak with someone on how you can best cope with the situation.  It can be challenging living in a household with someone who is currently addicted.  It is also important that you realize that you can only work on yourself.  Other individuals need to take the same accountability.  Enabling often happens in households with addiction. It can be a challenging environment to live in.  


key: response
string_value:
Unfortunately I think most of us have heard this, so you are not alone.  If you are still under her roof she has leverage as to what her expectations are while you are living there.  I would consider therapy for the both of you to see if there could be a middle ground that could be agreed upon.  Often times a 3rd party can help with conflict.  If there is no resolution then I would look to get creative in finding a place of your own. 


key: response
string_value:
Blaming others is one of our greatest coping mechanisms.  It is not just for addiction, and often we blame the ones closest to us.  You can not stop them from blaming you, you can stop yourself for taking on the burden.  We are all in charge of the choices we make.  No one makes us do something other than our self.  We choose how we internalize and react to situations.  I would find a good therapist who understands family dynamics and addiction to help you cope with your current environment and help you move forward.  


key: response
string_value:
I would suggest having a conversation with your dad and then having a conversation as a family with your stepmom.  Usually there are other signs of use that can often be missed.  Be aware of behavior changes and mood swings.  Be supportive and ready to listen often times individuals suffering from addiction will deny use until they are ready for help. 


key: response
string_value:
First I am so sorry for your loss.  Most people go through the grieving process.  I would get a better understanding of what that process is.  Everyone has their own way of handling loss.  You are taking the first step in realizing that you are having a difficult time coping with it.  I would reach out to a therapist that has experience treatment patients with loss. I would also recognize that drinking and smoking are both substances that will not make depression or depressive thoughts any better.  


key: response
string_value:
Your friend needs to admit they have a problem.  If not no matter how many pills you take they will find a way to get more.  It is also a federal offense to take someone else's medication so if you did take it she could have you arrested.  In other instances it can be more dangerous to take medication away than slowly tapering off of them.  Like anything we put into our system our tolerance builds up and can effect us in different ways.  I would listen to her and discuss why she feels that she needs to be on the medications rather than playing bad cop in this situation.  Encourage her to get help and let her know you re there for her. 


key: response
string_value:
Studies have proven that addiction affects the brain, there are many coping skills that addicts use to enable their addiction as well.  I would recommend that you speak with someone abut your relationship and your concerns.  Not only so you can have more clarity in the situation but we often tend to gravitate around or toward the same types of individuals.  Being more aware of your relationship will help you in the future when re-engaging in personal relationships. 


key: response
string_value:
The most important thing to ask yourself here is, "how did this action affect my relationship, and is it worth the consequences?" Regardless of your intentions in this action, your boyfriend is uncomfortable with this type of behavior. From here, we can objectively decide if spending time with your previous partner (because that is likely what your boyfriend sees them as) is worth harming the relationship you currently have. It is very rare that a person would be comfortable with their partner spending more than a very little amount of time with their exes. Many times, it just gives the wrong impressions. It is very possible that your partner may believe that since you spend so much time with them, that they are still a contender for the most intimate relationship you have to offer, and truth be told, they kind of are. The best intimate relationships, are friendships first and foremost. It is also a good thing to consider what you are getting out of the relationship with your ex that you are not getting out of the relationship with your current boyfriend. If you go to this person for emotional support before your boyfriend, then it is very likely you're involved in some "emotional infidelity". When we turn to others instead of our partner, it is as if we "ran into another person's arms" instead of theirs. No matter who you are, that hurts. 


key: response
string_value:
Although some people managing depression feel sad or "down",  it is a possible to have depression without an obvious sad mood.  Many people indicate that they feel numb or flat.  People managing depression often have low motivation. They may stay in bed for long periods of time and only get up for absolutely necessary activities.  People with depression may also feel inappropriate guilt or shame.   If you have been experiencing the symptoms you described for more than two weeks, I recommend that you see a counselor to get a more in-depth evaluation.   The symptoms you are experiencing are typical of depression, and with a bit of support, you could regain energy and improved self-esteem.  The stigma surrounding mental health can make a diagnosis or a label of depression seem scary.  The important thing to remember is that mental health disorders are as important as and as treatable physical health disorders.    Hang in there.  Healing is possible! 


key: response
string_value:
Approaching a counselor can seem intimidating at first, but most mental health professionals want to help you feel safe and heard.  You can often find counselors using search engines like CounselChat or Psychology Today.  These websites allow you to get to know therapists before you take the next step.  These days, counselors have websites where you can learn even more.  These websites usually have clear instructions for contact.  Typically, you can reach out via phone or email to request a consultation.  During a consultation call, you can ask the therapist questions about their credentials and areas of expertise.  If you feel like you connect, you can schedule a first session where you will tell them more about yourself and why you are seeking therapy.  The thing to remember is that therapists want you to reach out to them, and they are happy to be approached for support.  Good luck!  


key: response
string_value:
First of all, congratulations on your new role! Transitions can be challenging, and it sounds like you are experiencing a lot of change.  This would be difficult for many people, and it seems that you have an added layer of challenge.  I recommend visiting a therapist to determine the root cause of your anxiety and working to unravel those causes piece by piece. I know seeing a therapist can be challenging when traveling, and online counseling could be a good solution. In the meantime, here are a few of my favorite anxiety stopping strategies.  1. Grounding Exercises: When you feel your anxiety increasing, take a deep breath and begin things in your room (or where ever you are) that have things in common. For example, name all of the blue things that you can see.  You can also do non-visual grounding exercises like naming all of the hte sports teams you can think of or all of the state capitals.  This will get your mind off of your anxiety and connect you to space.  2. The pretzel: This is a seated pose that will stop any anxiety attack in its tracks.  Start in a seated position and cross your dominate leg over your nondominant leg. Then, stretch your arms out in front of you with the back of your hands facing one another.  Cross your arms in front of each other so that your palms are touching.  Flip your arms into your body.  You will end with your elbows by your side and your hands crossed under your chin.  Close your eyes and take long breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth.  This calming pose will help you get through even the toughest of panic episodes. 3. Bilateral stimulation and visualization: Start in a seated position with your hands placed on your knees. Tap each knee in an alternating pattern. Close your eyes and begin visualizing a peaceful setting. The combination of bilateral stimulation and visualization will help calm your body and mind.  I could go on and on, but these techniques should get you started.  These techniques should help you manage anxiety in a pinch.  Best of luck! 


key: response
string_value:
Mental Health is an exciting and rewarding field.  I hear you saying that you want to be a psychologist, and that is one path to working in mental health.  You could study psychology, social work or counseling to become a practicing therapist. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate and a Licensed Clinical Addiction Specialist.  I currently provide assessments and supervise several counselors in a large clinic in Asheville.  I also have a private practice online. I studied Sociology and Interpersonal Communication as an undergraduate, and then I received a counseling masters degree.   My master's degree was comprised of several supervised practice courses and theory courses.    I really enjoyed my education, and I find my career equally rewarding and enjoyable. If you are considering working in the field, I recommend emailing several counselors, social workers, and psychologists in your area and setting up an informational interview.  Not everyone you contact will be willing to give you their time, but many may.   This will help you determine which path to therapy may be right for you.  Licensing restrictions and abilities vary state to state and a local practitioner may be able to provide you with a specific list of challenges/triumphs about their particular license and education.    Psychologists are usually PhD level practitioners and require more education to begin.  LCSWs , LPCs and LMFTS can practice with a master's degree.  Best of luck! This is an exciting time.  


key: chroma:document
string_value:
What am I doing wrong? My wife and I are fighting all the time. What can I do? We don't agree on anything and she usually jumps to conclusions, which are usually wrong on how I feel. She is very family-oriented while all of my family left me on my butt, abused, ignored and messed up with me mentally. I'm not a family-oriented person. I only have two people in my life - my best friend and my wife.  

My mother forced my father out of my life so I do not know who he really is. We've gotten in contact but he just makes comments on how much I look like her when in fact I look more like him.  This makes me mad because I don't want to look like my mother. I hate her. All that she did was bring me down and make me homeless, which she was successful at.  I need guidance in my life.  I don't want to lose my wife but we need to have a space because we usually hit each other and it's not healthy. I'm dying to make our relationship healthy. I've never wanted anything more than this. Please help me. I need your advice.


key: response
string_value:
It sounds like you are experiencing burnout and have very little, if no job satisfaction.  There are some aspects of this that are in your control and others that are not.  What type of work do you typically enjoy?  Do you enjoy high stress work? What keeps you in this job? Is there a reason you have stayed?  Is your boss reasonable to have a conversation with?  I recommend a few things.  For one, you may want to have a discussion with your boss about your job duties and see if there is a way to either eliminate some responsibilities or get higher pay.  Another option, if you are unable to have an open conversation, you can start to look at an ideal work situation, what would you like/ be OK with/ absolutely hate about a job. Then possibly try to look for a new job that fits these qualifications. If you are unable to leave your job, you may want to attempt to balance your work life with more activities that create joy outside of work.  Sometimes that balance can help you tolerate work more.  I recommend that you find a supportive person to talk with and process these frustrations as burnout can lead us to do things we may regret.  


key: response
string_value:
It can be uncomfortable talking to someone about your life in the great detail that is normally necessary for counseling to be beneficial. Since you're already going to counseling, congratulations on taking that big, first, stress-inducing step. Hopefully by now you are starting to feel a little more comfortable with your therapist. It can be helpful to address this big "elephant in the room" and talk to your therapist about this. I do my best to help people feel comfortable when they come to counseling, but regardless of how hard we try, sometimes it is just a little hard to get accustomed to. The good news is, the more you keep at it, the more "normal" it will become. 


key: response
string_value:
You are right. It is not normal to hear voices that aren't your own but the fact is some people do. In my experience, medication seem to help. It is also important to understand when you hear voices the most - meaning it is important to understand what the triggers are. It is also important to understand when the voices are the least - meaning what helps you deal with the voices better. My clients have reported that their triggers are being in social gathering or around strangers or for some even the TV. Trying to identify your triggers is helpful for some people. Clients have also reported that listening to music, watching TV, being with friend or family helps them deal with their voices. Every individual is different and you need to figure out what works for you and what triggers your voices. My suggestion is to see a therapist / health care provider and then go from there.I hope this helps.  


key: response
string_value:
Starting the counseling process can be daunting but here are some ways that hopefully help make the process a little less overwhelming. First,I'd start with finding a therapist through a therapist directory and searching for a therapist specifically in your area and with the expertise you're looking for. There are many reputable therapist directories online that offer specific information and links to therapist websites to learn more about how they can help.Next, I'd pick two or three of interest to contact directly. Have a list of questions that are important to you that you can ask to determine whether a particular therapist is a good fit. Many therapists offer a free phone consultation to allow you both to determine whether it is a good fit.Then, after you schedule, the next step is to see what it's like being in session to determine if the fit is still a match. 


key: response
string_value:
Each counselor may have a different process, so I'm not the end all authority here.  For myself, I review policies and confidentiality concerns with people first and answer any questions they have. Then I'll let them know I'll be writing a lot in this session and I have an assessment form that I like to get completed, but I want to have a conversation and I'll ask questions as we go.  My first question is usually, "How do you feel I can best help you today?"  Some people are very at ease and tell me many details.  Others are a bit more reserved and I have to demonstrate more curiosity.  Even people who have been very apprehensive are usually feeling very relaxed by the time the session is over.  Usually, when we get close to end of session time, I'll summarize what I think are the biggest concerns from what I've heard and confirm whether or not the person wants to work on those things.  I also try to give an exercise targetting my biggest concern for them to work on in between sessions.  For instance, a relaxation method if they are very anxious.  Counselors are just humans as well, so it does take a bit of time to really get to know another person.  I always tell people that are apprehensive to give the counselor 3 or 4 sessions to determine if they really connect with them.  I hope that helps, Allison 


key: response
string_value:
While you can't be responsible for your boyfriend's feelings, relationships do come with expectations.  Both people in a relationship bring their own expectations into it.  These expectations are usually unspoken, but result in conflict as you are experiencing here!  Your boyfriend expects you not to spend the weekend with this guy.  He may expect you not to spend the weekend with any guy at all.  He may expect you to spend every single weekend with him!  You'll have to decide if his expectations are ones you can live with.  Relationships do require some compromise out of concern for our partner, but you get to choose how much you compromise. We get upset about things that make us feel insecure.  You spending the weekend with an ex makes your boyfriend feel insecure.  That doesn't mean you did anything wrong.  It just means that you have to decide if it's more important for you to maintain your freedom to spend weekends with whomever you wish, or to help your boyfriend feel secure in your relationship. Good luck!  Hope that helps,Allison 


key: response
string_value:
Lots of people do cry in session, but your therapist won't be uneasy with this.  Crying is a natural response and it also releases toxins, so some might say it's necessary!  Remember that you can be in charge of what you talk about in your session and if there's something that feels too uncomfortable, just say, "I'm not ready to talk about that."  Your counselor wants  you to feel at ease and will probably not push you right away to a very uncomfortable place.  As you get to know your therapist, you will feel more relaxed and even not worry so much about how you appear to them.  It's normal to be anxious going into a new situation especially when you might not feel in control of uncomfortable emotions.  Don't give up, go and put your best effort in! Hope that helps, Allison 


key: response
string_value:
While this might not be the first thing you want to discuss when you meet someone, it is important for you to be yourself.  It's better to weed out 10 people who can't accept you to find that one who can.  


key: response
string_value:
You are right that his insecurities are at the root of the issue.  You cannot change that for him.  He will have to do the work to handle those emotions on his own.  What you can do is reassure him in whatever ways possible, but always recognizing that you can't "fix" this for him.  When I work with people who struggle with their partner's past experiences, I always frame it like this:  Everything that you've experienced has resulted in you being the person you are today.  The person they claim to love.  If you had not gone through some of those experiences, you would not be in the position you're in now, ready to commit to him and know that you're satisfied with that.  Just as when bad things happen to us, we have to find a way to appreciate the lessons learned your fiance has to accept that you're the person you are today because of what you have gone through.  Celebrate that you have moved through that and have landed in this perfect position with him!Hope that helps, Allison 


key: response
string_value:
Initially, everything is a reminder because there is a trace of that other person present in everything in your life. When we lose someone, we're saying goodbye to what we thought our future was going to be.  Accepting that's changed and allowing ourselves to envision a new future is necessary to "move on". Start learning something new or try a new activity that you've always wanted to do.  Find whatever is "good" about being out of the relationship and focus on those things.  This can be an exciting time of transformation for you.   As time goes by, you'll add new things in your life that aren't entwined with this relationship and those things will begin to crowd out those things associated with the relationship.  Give yourself a little empathy, no one goes through a breakup without being sad.  It's ok to be sad.  It's even ok to feel devastated.  Loss of a relationship touches a primal need we have to belong.  It makes us feel insecure, unanchored.  In truth, we are ok, safe even.  This experience will open different perspectives for you.  There are lessons you'll take from it that will add another facet to you as a person.  Maybe in time, you'll even appreciate this experience.  I'm sorry you're hurting right now.  Best wishes to you, Allison 


key: response
string_value:
It is brave of you to speak out, PTSD is not a joke and it can quickly take a toll on all aspect of life. Please, know that you are not alone and with the right help you can overcome these challenges. Living with PTSD can be very emotionally exhausting, but you can learn ways to cope with its challenges and find fulfillment in your life again. This means being proactively involved with the process, learning about the problem and positive ways to manage it can be a good start. This can also mean seeking professional help. It is important to address the problem both at the physiological and psychological level, this can mean using medication that is prescribed by a MD to reduce the intensity symptoms and also working with an experienced licensed professional. Having healthy life habits such as good sleep hygiene, healthy diet, staying away from self-medicating with drugs and alcohol, and exercising can help reduce the intensity of the symptoms as well. Please, consult with a licensed professional close to you to get more information on resources you can possibly find helpful to you. 


key: response
string_value:
This is certainly an important issue to look into, It is always helpful to speak with the child's pediatrician since they are most familiar with the child's developmental history. Also, children tend to regress behaviorally when facing events and interactions they feel to have no control over, this can be as simple as a loss of a pet, a recent move, death in the family,  and/or as serious as sexual abuse, and other things. If you have not spoken to the school that can be a good starting point. 


key: response
string_value:
Talking to a licensed profession who can discuss this in greater depth can be best. As a general information, in short, I can say that our thoughts are greatly influenced by our early life experiences. Our thoughts are processed through schemes, these are mental images or templates by which we make meaning of the world around us.  While our upbringing has a great influence on the way we see and interact with the world around us as adults, However, we are not condemned to abide by them for life, in psychotherapy, you learn to change negative schemas with positive ones. Yeah, if you had less than optimal childhood you would have some sort of negative schemas that unconsciously lead to self-sabotage your efforts for success and happiness. The research in the field of interpersonal neurobiology suggests that without conscious awareness and reflective practices we tend to interact with the world by repeating old habits of mind. On the other hand, in psychotherapy you can learn helpful strategies to increase your conscious abilities to stay in control of your mind in the present moment and reduce intrusions of negative mind habits. Yoga, meditation, and tai chi are also found to increase self-awareness and lessen the intrusions of negative self-judgment on one's psyche. 


key: response
string_value:
What you're most likely trying to get over is to be attracted to the qualities which you felt attracted to in the person.The problem isn't releasing yourself from the person, per se.   Letting go of a person means separating yourself from the qualities in a partner which you value.Two possibilities exist.Either you continue to feel strongly that the qualities in the past relationship are still meaningful and you'd like to base your next relationship on these qualities.Or, the person had qualities which are no longer relevant or necessary in your life and this is the reason the relationship ended.It is possible that even if you had an adequate exposure to certain qualities in someone that you simply miss the companionship of a relationship.See if you can figure out whether you need the qualities this person gave you or whether you simply like being part of a couple.If you like the particular qualities of your previous parter and these are still relevant to your life, you'll attract a partner who has similar qualities.Basically people attract what they need.The more open you are to attracting what you need in a partner, the more likely your next partner will have these qualities.In this way, you'll get over the particular person and still have the satisfaction to be in a relationship. 


key: response
string_value:
There is no wrong or right way to define a relationship. I believe each relationship we are in is an opportunity to expand and to know self on a deeper level. We are conditioned to believe that we are not valued, or worth much without the confirmation of others and the world around us. Give yourself time and try to not go to those who are toxic and enjoy the drama of others lives as s way to avoid looking at themselves. 


key: response
string_value:
You're expecting reasonable behaviors from your boyfriend's father.Since the father is his, your boyfriend is the person in position to speak directly with his dad about the expectations you and he have of the father.If your boyfriend has a good relationship w his dad, which is not what this sounds like, then great!If your boyfriend has a stressed and tense relationship w his dad, then somehow he needs to develop or be coached and encouraged by the people in his life who truly care about and know him, a way to state the very reasonable standards you describe here.If all else fails, then a new living space is always another possibility! 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
We rent from from my boyfriend's parents. His father drops by unannounced and stays for long periods of time. He lets himself into our home when we aren't there on a daily basis and takes our dogs to his house. He picks up our mail. He has NO boundaries. 

He's an opinionated, rude pushy person. He expects to spend every weekend around us, gives unsolicited advice on child rearing and does not respect our privacy at all. He barges in with no warning. He has a key and lets himself into our house without asking permission. I need help. How do I address this?


key: response
string_value:
Breaking any habit is no easy feat.   Cutting down or cutting out cigarettes is very challenging, and there aren't any one size fits all solutions.  Fortunately, there are a lot of tricks and tools that you can use to stop smoking.  1. Many habits that we have are paired habits. If we do one thing, then we will do the other thing.  Think about the activities that you do when smoking and try to pair those activities with another activity other than smoking.  For instance, many people smoke while they drive.  Consider planning another activity to do while driving. (It might not be driving for you, but you get the idea! :)).  It might be taking a walk instead of smoking on your break at work.  2.  Create distance between you and the habit you are trying to break.  This approach could be used in a variety of different ways.  If you smoke first thing in the morning, consider leaving your cigarettes in a different room in your home.  Walking the extra couple of feet could help you decide not to smoke.   Leave your credit or debit cards at home and carry less emergency cash than a pack of cigarettes.  With this strategy, you are trying to create some distance between you the cigarettes so that you have to jump through extra hoops to get them.  3.  Consider cutting back before cutting out.  If you are smoking 10 cigarettes a day, try smoking 9. Then cut back to 8 and so on.  Having a plan to reduce harm may be more sustainable than cutting things out altogether. 4.  You could also talk to your doctor about the safety of nicotine patches. If you aren't already pregnant, this could be a great resource to help boost your success.  5. Focus on what you are gaining instead of what you are loosing. You may be losing cigarettes, but you are gaining money, health, taste buds, an increased sense of smell, lung capacity, a healthy baby etc.  You could plan small rewards/ treats with the money you save from decreasing cigarette purchases.  I recommend making these purchases small and frequent to keep up the momentum rather than waiting for a big payout a couple of months down the road.  Good luck! Cutting out cigarettes will be good for you and your baby.  


key: response
string_value:
Being in this position is tough. If seeking another career opportunity isn't viable, there are a couple of things you can do to manage stress on the job.  1. Have a ritual to begin the day:  Consider setting a one sentence intention and plan tasks for the day2. Take the breaks you are offered. I know it can be difficult to step away from your desk to eat lunch or take 10-minute breaks during the day, but prioritize this if you can. Sometimes 30 minutes of downtime and fresh air can help you feel better. 3.  Have a ritual to end the day:  If you commute by car consider an end of the day playlist.  Take a walk. Light a candle.  Clear your desk and write tasks for the next day. Whatever it is, send a signal to your brain that it is time to end the day.4. If you do work from home or are expected to be available after hours, set boundaries where you can.  Set a timer for answering emails and stick to that.  Have phone free meals.    Try to engage in activities that are rejuvenating like spending time the friends and family.  5. Try to limit alcohol/ drugs.  Move as much as you can.  Get outside in natural sunlight.  These are just ideas/ suggestions.  Even doing one of these things could be a step in the right direction.  Best of luck! 


key: response
string_value:
It sounds like you are on the right track. Recognizing these nagging thoughts of self- doubt as "imposter syndrome" is a huge step in the right direction.  From what you have written here, it appears that you are able to challenge your own thoughts and provide yourself with evidence that counteracts the imposter syndrome.   Continuing to remind yourself of what you have accomplished and looking at the facts at hand can help diminish doubt.  Remember, many successful people battled imposter syndrome on the way to the top (and still manage it).  It might be helpful to read some of their stories so that you don't feel alone.  "The Cut" has a great article on "25 Famous Women on Imposter-Syndrome and Self-Doubt".   Business Insider has a great article about men and the imposter syndrome too.  Remember, if you jumped through all of the hoops to get into school and get published-- you belong. 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
My mother is combative with me when I say I don't want to talk with her about my depression.  

She hasn't been supportive of me in the past and she isn't someone that I feel comfortable opening up to. She constantly tries to instigate conversations where she asks me questions that I don't want to or can't answer. I tell her I don't want to talk and she starts arguments with me. 

How can I get her to understand?


key: response
string_value:
Hello.It sounds like you are really concerned about your daughter because you have noticed a significant change in her behavior .   It's really a great first step that you are reaching out to get some ideas about what might be going on .  You are clearly an observant and hands on  mom who wants to be sure that her daughter is ok.This is a tough question to answer without more information .  With that said , I have found that "under stress people regress."  In other words , many people , children and adults alike , often regress and behave differently - as if they were younger than their actual age - when under stress .   Therefore , my first question would be : has anything been happening recently that is causing your daughter stress ?  This could be anything from conflict at home , recent changes such as moving , divorce , a loss of some kind , switching schools , or losing a friend or friends .   Additionally , sometimes if children are feeling bullied or left out by same age peers , they may gravitate toward younger playmates as a way to boost their social confidence .    I would suggest that you think about what stressors / changes may have occurred recently.  You may also want to check in with her teacher (s) to see if they have noticed any changes in your daughter's behavior at school .I also think that you can have a conversation with your daughter in order to see if you can get a sense about whether or not something has been bothering her.  Something as simple as " I have noticed that you aren't spending time with the friends you used to hang out with ; it seems like you have been playing with a lot of younger kids lately .  Am I right about that ? " and then if she says yes you might ask a few questions such as : "did something happen with your friends that  is making you not want to be with them?" "Has something been bothering you lately ? Are you feeling upset or worried ? " If she denies that there is anything wrong you might even say " I know that sometimes when I feel stressed or worried , I tend to act a little differently - sometimes I withdraw from my regular group of friends , or I get cranky and feel less like myself .  I wonder if something like that is happening with you ?" If you are really concerned and not getting any answers from her and / or her teachers , perhaps you can consult with a therapist to discuss your concerns further and decide if it might  help for your daughter to talk to a therapist a few times , or at the very least you can get more specific tips from a therapist about how to approach this issue with your daughter more effectively . The more detail you can provide about what you have noticed with your daughter , including any changes or new stressors ,  any possible patterns to this behavior , if school has become more difficult socially and or academically , the more a therapist can guide you about how best to handle your concerns and talk with your daughter in a way that is helpful to her. Good luck!   I believe that this may just be a phase and it seems to me to be well within the normal range of children's behavior.  I do, though, think that you will feel more assured about this  if you can get to the bottom of what's going on .  


key: response
string_value:
Hi.  This is an excellent question !   I think that the answer probably varies depending upon the particular therapist .  In my work with people , once we have met and I have gotten an idea of the person'a concerns and the issues they want help with , I spend the next few sessions gathering as much history and as much information about the client's current concerns in order to formulate some ideas about what may be causing distress .  I would then share my thoughts with the client to see if they feel I am understanding them and on the right track.  We would then discuss the best plan to address the client's concerns .  Usually I will suggest strategies that I think may be helpful and ask the client for feedback about whether or not they think my suggestions feel helpful .   I always encourage clients to be really honest with me about this.  I tell them that I would hate for them to agree to try things that they know they won't try just to avoid "hurting my feelings" or "offending me."  I want to be helpful and while I have the expertise as far as typically helpful  strategies, I really like to work collaboratively and have clients tell me what they do and don't like / agree with or not agree with when I share my thoughts about a treatment plan .  We the   work together to come up with a plan that will be helpful , but also realistic and then revise it and try new things if necessary as we go along.   If things aren't improving , I am very happy and willing to try something new ! I hope this is helpful for you ! 


key: chroma:document
string_value:
The birth mother attempted suicide several times while pregnant. The adopted mother was terminally ill upon adopting the baby and died when  the child was just over one year old.  The adopted father then remarried to a physically, psychologically, and emotionally abusive woman.  The child was placed in foster care at 11 years old. 

What might be the long term effects on an adult with this childhood history?


key: chroma:document
string_value:
I think adult life is making him depressed and we often sleep in on weekends untill 1 or 2 pm. We just eat, smoke weed, watch movies, and he'll go on his phone all day. He doesn't seem motivated to do much and he's often angry.

 I have no clue how to help him take his mind off the negative, or to distract him into a different light. How do I help him?


