# migrations

dir: embeddings_queue
filename: 00001-embeddings.sqlite.sql
hash: d3755dfd232be8e8301f4d7fcfb3a486
sql:
CREATE TABLE embeddings_queue (
    seq_id INTEGER PRIMARY KEY,
    created_at TIMESTAMP NOT NULL DEFAULT CURRENT_TIMESTAMP,
    operation INTEGER NOT NULL,
    topic TEXT NOT NULL,
    id TEXT NOT NULL,
    vector BLOB,
    encoding TEXT,
    metadata TEXT
);


dir: sysdb
filename: 00001-collections.sqlite.sql
hash: 38352d725ad1c16074fac420b22b4633
sql:
CREATE TABLE collections (
    id TEXT PRIMARY KEY,
    name TEXT NOT NULL,
    topic TEXT NOT NULL,
    UNIQUE (name)
);

CREATE TABLE collection_metadata (
    collection_id TEXT REFERENCES collections(id) ON DELETE CASCADE,
    key TEXT NOT NULL,
    str_value TEXT,
    int_value INTEGER,
    float_value REAL,
    PRIMARY KEY (collection_id, key)
);


dir: sysdb
filename: 00002-segments.sqlite.sql
hash: 2913cb6a503055a95f625448037e8912
sql:
CREATE TABLE segments (
    id TEXT PRIMARY KEY,
    type TEXT NOT NULL,
    scope TEXT NOT NULL,
    topic TEXT,
    collection TEXT REFERENCES collection(id)
);

CREATE TABLE segment_metadata (
    segment_id TEXT  REFERENCES segments(id) ON DELETE CASCADE,
    key TEXT NOT NULL,
    str_value TEXT,
    int_value INTEGER,
    float_value REAL,
    PRIMARY KEY (segment_id, key)
);


dir: sysdb
filename: 00004-tenants-databases.sqlite.sql
hash: 048867ce8fcdefe4023c7110e4433591
sql:
CREATE TABLE IF NOT EXISTS tenants (
    id TEXT PRIMARY KEY,
    UNIQUE (id)
);

CREATE TABLE IF NOT EXISTS databases (
    id TEXT PRIMARY KEY, -- unique globally
    name TEXT NOT NULL, -- unique per tenant
    tenant_id TEXT NOT NULL REFERENCES tenants(id) ON DELETE CASCADE,
    UNIQUE (tenant_id, name) -- Ensure that a tenant has only one database with a given name
);

CREATE TABLE IF NOT EXISTS collections_tmp (
    id TEXT PRIMARY KEY, -- unique globally
    name TEXT NOT NULL, -- unique per database
    topic TEXT NOT NULL,
    dimension INTEGER,
    database_id TEXT NOT NULL REFERENCES databases(id) ON DELETE CASCADE,
    UNIQUE (name, database_id)
);

-- Create default tenant and database
INSERT OR REPLACE INTO tenants (id) VALUES ('default_tenant'); -- The default tenant id is 'default_tenant' others are UUIDs
INSERT OR REPLACE INTO databases (id, name, tenant_id) VALUES ('00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000', 'default_database', 'default_tenant');

INSERT OR REPLACE INTO collections_tmp (id, name, topic, dimension, database_id)
    SELECT id, name, topic, dimension, '00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000' FROM collections;
DROP TABLE collections;
ALTER TABLE collections_tmp RENAME TO collections;


dir: sysdb
filename: 00005-remove-topic.sqlite.sql
hash: b1367c826b8fba5f96f27befdc1d42d2
sql:
-- Remove the topic column from the Collections and Segments tables

ALTER TABLE collections DROP COLUMN topic;
ALTER TABLE segments DROP COLUMN topic;


dir: sysdb
filename: 00006-collection-segment-metadata.sqlite.sql
hash: 4eea7468935bf25d4604a0fed2366116
sql:
-- SQLite does not support adding check with alter table, as a result, adding a check
-- involve creating a new table and copying the data over. It is over kill with adding
-- a boolean type column. The application write to the table needs to ensure the data
-- integrity.
ALTER TABLE collection_metadata ADD COLUMN bool_value INTEGER;
ALTER TABLE segment_metadata ADD COLUMN bool_value INTEGER;


dir: sysdb
filename: 00007-collection-config.sqlite.sql
hash: 1c7e63bba346a42a18b6ab7f1c989bed
sql:
-- Stores collection configuration dictionaries.
ALTER TABLE collections ADD COLUMN config_json_str TEXT;


dir: sysdb
filename: 00008-maintenance-log.sqlite.sql
hash: 0a0e7e93111a01789addf64961c6127c
sql:
-- Records when database maintenance operations are performed.
-- At time of creation, this table is only used to record vacuum operations.
CREATE TABLE maintenance_log (
  id INT PRIMARY KEY,
  timestamp INT NOT NULL,
  operation TEXT NOT NULL
);


dir: sysdb
filename: 00009-segment-collection-not-null.sqlite.sql
hash: 054355aef9e63702bf54ea29e61563f1
sql:
-- This makes segments.collection non-nullable.
CREATE TABLE segments_temp (
    id TEXT PRIMARY KEY,
    type TEXT NOT NULL,
    scope TEXT NOT NULL,
    collection TEXT REFERENCES collection(id) NOT NULL
);

INSERT INTO segments_temp SELECT * FROM segments;
DROP TABLE segments;
ALTER TABLE segments_temp RENAME TO segments;


dir: metadb
filename: 00001-embedding-metadata.sqlite.sql
hash: 2b4cf52c4bb2676e21d6860a4409f856
sql:
CREATE TABLE embeddings (
    id INTEGER PRIMARY KEY,
    segment_id TEXT NOT NULL,
    embedding_id TEXT NOT NULL,
    seq_id BLOB NOT NULL,
    created_at TIMESTAMP NOT NULL DEFAULT CURRENT_TIMESTAMP,
    UNIQUE (segment_id, embedding_id)
);

CREATE TABLE embedding_metadata (
    id INTEGER REFERENCES embeddings(id),
    key TEXT NOT NULL,
    string_value TEXT,
    int_value INTEGER,
    float_value REAL,
    PRIMARY KEY (id, key)
);

CREATE TABLE max_seq_id (
    segment_id TEXT PRIMARY KEY,
    seq_id BLOB NOT NULL
);

CREATE VIRTUAL TABLE embedding_fulltext USING fts5(id, string_value);


dir: metadb
filename: 00002-embedding-metadata.sqlite.sql
hash: 12a570f7121b3a8ce750a2a7c36da20f
sql:
-- SQLite does not support adding check with alter table, as a result, adding a check
-- involve creating a new table and copying the data over. It is over kill with adding
-- a boolean type column. The application write to the table needs to ensure the data
-- integrity.
ALTER TABLE embedding_metadata ADD COLUMN bool_value INTEGER


dir: metadb
filename: 00003-full-text-tokenize.sqlite.sql
hash: f97ad6334aeaa8f419f01110b648b97a
sql:
CREATE VIRTUAL TABLE embedding_fulltext_search USING fts5(string_value, tokenize='trigram');
INSERT INTO embedding_fulltext_search (rowid, string_value) SELECT rowid, string_value FROM embedding_metadata;
DROP TABLE embedding_fulltext;


dir: metadb
filename: 00004-metadata-indices.sqlite.sql
hash: fb36603a45ee2cd0254cef3ef86585e8
sql:
CREATE INDEX IF NOT EXISTS embedding_metadata_int_value ON embedding_metadata (key, int_value) WHERE int_value IS NOT NULL;
CREATE INDEX IF NOT EXISTS embedding_metadata_float_value ON embedding_metadata (key, float_value) WHERE float_value IS NOT NULL;
CREATE INDEX IF NOT EXISTS embedding_metadata_string_value ON embedding_metadata (key, string_value) WHERE string_value IS NOT NULL;


# embeddings_queue

created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_1999
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I think it is important that you are able to convey what you are looking for in a therapist even if that changes over time. \u00a0You need to look at it like you are interviewing the counselor and that they will be able to provide you with the therapy you need. \u00a0To many times we do not know and it ends up not being a good fit and then people are left with a bad experience and do not want to re-engage. \u00a0Remembering you are basically hiring someone to help you so I would treat it as such. Do some research and be clear as to why you are coming to therapy and ask questions as how they will be able to help you.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "How does a person start the counseling process?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2000
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "The first thing to do is to reflect on what you want to seek counseling. Search online and then set up a phone consultation. A person can find out a lot about a counselor and the services that they offer over the phone. After a consultation then set up an intake questions. The overall goal is to make sure that you are comfortable with the counselor and the services they can offer.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "How does a person start the counseling process?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2001
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Phone or email a counselor whose profile you've read and which feels right for you.Ask to get a feel as to the way the person would handle your problem and work with you.In my practice I offer a phone consult which generally continues for twenty minutes.I feel it is only fair that a prospective patient has a feel for the service they are about to purchase before they can be expected to pay money for a service which may not be to their liking at all.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "How does a person start the counseling process?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2002
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "For me, I want a client to feel like I understand what brings them to seek help from me. So I might explore both their present circumstances, as well as their history, and try to start making some connections between the two, but so that the both of us can understand what is taking place. Not every therapist goes into history in the same way, either. The way the therapist practices will often inform the ways in which they collect and look at data.However, above all, my goal, especially in the beginning of therapy, is to work on developing a working rapport with any client. Most research states that the quality of the relationship, rather than modality of therapy, indicates success rates. One of the most essential components of rapport is that someone feels heard, attuned to, and understood.", "response_type": "Validation", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2003
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi. \u00a0This is an excellent question ! \u00a0 I think that the answer probably varies depending upon the particular therapist . \u00a0In my work with people , once we have met and I have gotten an idea of the person'a concerns and the issues they want help with , I spend the next few sessions gathering as much history and as much information about the client's current concerns in order to formulate some ideas about what may be causing distress . \u00a0I would then share my thoughts with the client to see if they feel I am understanding them and on the right track. \u00a0We would then discuss the best plan to address the client's concerns . \u00a0Usually I will suggest strategies that I think may be helpful and ask the client for feedback about whether or not they think my suggestions feel helpful . \u00a0 I always encourage clients to be really honest with me about this. \u00a0I tell them that I would hate for them to agree to try things that they know they won't try just to avoid \"hurting my feelings\" or \"offending me.\" \u00a0I want to be helpful and while I have the expertise as far as typically helpful \u00a0strategies, I really like to work collaboratively and have clients tell me what they do and don't like / agree with or not agree with when I share my thoughts about a treatment plan . \u00a0We the \u00a0 work together to come up with a plan that will be helpful , but also realistic and then revise it and try new things if necessary as we go along. \u00a0 If things aren't improving , I am very happy and willing to try something new !\u00a0I hope this is helpful for you !", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2004
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "There are probably no two therapists alike because first and foremost we are human beings!And...our personalities may somewhat guide how we go about getting to know you, identifying what you would like to be different in your life and developing a plan to get where you would like to be. The very most important thing that will determine a successful outcome is the healthy therapeutic relationship between you and your therapist.\u00a0 If you don't feel safe, comfortable and ready to work together, then it is likely not a good fit. And that's OK...speak up and the therapist should assist you in finding someone you can readily work with.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2005
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Each counselor may have a different process, so I'm not the end all authority here. \u00a0For myself, I review policies and confidentiality concerns with people first and answer any questions they have.\u00a0Then I'll let them know I'll be writing a lot in this session and I have an assessment form that I like to get completed, but I want to have a conversation and I'll ask questions as we go. \u00a0My first question is usually, \"How do you feel I can best help you today?\" \u00a0Some people are very at ease and tell me many details. \u00a0Others are a bit more reserved and I have to demonstrate more curiosity. \u00a0Even people who have been very apprehensive are usually feeling very relaxed by the time the session is over. \u00a0Usually, when we get close to end of session time, I'll summarize what I think are the biggest concerns from what I've heard and confirm whether or not the person wants to work on those things. \u00a0I also try to give an exercise targetting my biggest concern for them to work on in between sessions. \u00a0For instance, a relaxation method if they are very anxious. \u00a0Counselors are just humans as well, so it does take a bit of time to really get to know another person. \u00a0I always tell people that are apprehensive to give the counselor 3 or 4 sessions to determine if they really connect with them. \u00a0I hope that helps,\u00a0Allison", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2006
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "After meeting a client, many Counselors will ask you lots of questions in order to complete a thorough assessment of what you came to counseling for. This assessment is required by most insurances and allows the Counselor to give a diagnosis, which is also required by most insurances in order for them to pay the Counselor. If you are paying out of pocket, this diagnosis is not really required for payment, but many Counselors will still perform a comprehensive assessment because we really want to know what the issues are that brought you to us. The better we understand what it is that bothers you, what you would like to get out of the counseling, and all the various things that tend to affect people such as family upbringing and medical issues, the easier it is for us to help you reach those goals. How the counseling actually plays out from there depends a lot on the theory that the Counselor uses to direct their approach to counseling, and that information is too much for this little post.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2007
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "A good therapist will discuss what brought you to therapy in the first place and devise a therapy plan with you on some of the things that you may want to work on. \u00a0The plan is not set in stone as things may arise during your therapy sessions. You also agree on how often and when you would like to meet.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2008
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Great question which I imagine many other people have as well.The therapist will want to know your main source of life discomfort. \u00a0In what areas are the problem interactions which you hope will disappear?The therapist is trained to listen for your emotions to your story. \u00a0And to open these up to you in a kind and safe way so that you'll start to see your circumstance in a new light in which you feel more of your own authority to handle the troubling conditions.The therapist and you will refine your thinking and theories. \u00a0\u00a0The therapist will ask questions to help you prepare for any stumbling blocks along your way of creating your own new answers to the problem you brought to counseling.I hope you'll enjoy learning and creating new thinking and interacting patterns!", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2009
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "What you are describing is something psychologists have termed \"triangulation\" which is what happens when one family member will not talk to the one they have a problem with and goes to a third member of the family to complain instead. You have been \"triangulated\" by your wife and mother.This is often seen in families. It's seen everywhere. How many times have you had a problem with someone but you didn't go to them to tell them, you went to someone else to complain? It is usually difficult for a person to confront another, especially in relationships where there is a power differential. For example, I bet it's easier to complain to a coworker about your boss rather than go to the boss with your complaint.I'm not saying triangulation is always a bad thing. Sometimes a third party mediator is needed to help solve problems between two people who disagree. That's what therapists do every day! Sometimes just getting someone else's perspective can help you see the issue clearer. However, in your situation it sounds like this is becoming a problem. You are stuck in the middle between two people that love you and that you love.If you want to put a stop to this triangulation, you will need to encourage the two of them to talk to each other and work out their differences. Perhaps it was a simple misunderstanding that some open communication can clear up. Even if they really don't like each other and can't get along, your relationship with the both of them is going to continue to deteriorate the longer you are stuck in the middle.\u00a0Try to understand what might be the feelings behind their behavior. It is possible that they may both feel threatened by the other. These are the two most important women in your life and they both know it. Your mother may be afraid that she will lose you if she confronts your wife. I heard one mother-in-law describe her son's wife as the gateway to her son. The wife has the power to dictate when and how often the mother gets to see her son. The wife also is the gateway to the grandchildren. If your wife doesn't like her mother-in-law she can severely hamper or damage her mother-in-law's relationship with you and any children you two may have. From your wife's viewpoint, this is the woman that she may feel like she can never live up to. If you regularly praise your mom's cooking, her housework, gardening, or anything else your wife may feel that you are putting down her own efforts in these areas and can feel unappreciated. This can be especially difficult if your wife and mother are nothing alike. I am not saying that this is the case with your family's situation. These are just a few examples from other families in a similar situation as yours.\u00a0Regardless of what the cause is, if this dysfunctional pattern is allowed to continue, your mom and your wife will begin to get upset with you when you don't agree with them. They will get upset if you don't align yourself with them against the other. They will be offended when it seems like you are choosing the other one's side or that you are not standing up for them like they think you should. In worst cases, if it continues to escalate you may even find yourself in the impossible position of having to choose between your wife and your mother which may mean cutting off contact with the other, ending that relationship. Change the dynamics before it spirals even further.", "response_type": "Validation", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My wife and mother are having tense disagreements. In the past, they\u2019ve had minor differences. For example, my wife would complain to me my mother is too overbearing; my mother would complain my wife is lazy.\r\nHowever, it\u2019s intensified lately. I think the cause is my wife talked back to her once. Now, any little disagreement is magnified, leading to major disagreements. What can I do?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2010
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi. Good for you in planning ahead to do what's healthiest for your baby (and yourself). That's a great first step! It's also good that you are able to identify that it's not always a physical need that's driving the addiction.For the next steps, I would suggest trying to figure out when the psychological cravings for a cigarette occur. The psychological (or mental) cravings are usually based out of habit, such as having a cigarette after a meal. And if you're consciously trying to quit, you'll find the craving starts with simply thinking about having a cigarette, then usually moves on to thinking about how good it made you feel, etc., etc. Well, if I'm on a diet and I continue to let myself think about the ice cream sitting in the freezer, eventually I'll give in and eat it.You're going to have thoughts about smoking a cigarette. That's normal and, for the most part, out of your control. But you choose whether or not to CONTINUE thinking and dwelling about it after that initial thought. That's what you would have to work on changing. When you have that initial thought, acknowledge it (\"Ok, I kind of want a cigarette now.\"), but then change the thoughts that typically follow. Distract yourself, think about something else, do something else, whatever it takes to get your mind off of that cigarette.I've suggested to clients before that they should plan these scenarios out ahead of time so they already know what they're going to do when the time comes. Write down when you usually have the craving for a cigarette and then write down new thoughts or things to do to get your mind off of it. Eventually, it will become easier and easier to brush off that initial thought until you no longer have it.Best of luck, and you have a really great motivator to quit - your baby!", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm planning to have baby, so I have to quit smoking - but it's hard. Sometimes it's not a physical need, it's mental.\r\n\r\nI cannot help myself from thinking about smoking. What can I do to get rid of this addiction?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2011
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It sounds like keeping the secrets has become a problem for you now. There are several things to consider before you make a decision.- You mentioned that you don't want your wife and mom to know because you don't want to hurt them \u2013 why would it hurt them?\u00a0- Is it necessary for them to know this information?- What are the consequences of either telling them the truth or not telling them? (for you and for your wife and mom).- Once you have considered these, think of what you would tell your friend if they were in your exact situation?- Also, if your wife or mom were in your situation right now, what do you think they would do themselves?- If your wife and mom were in this situation, how would you feel? Would you want to know the secrets?- How has keeping these secrets affected your own mental and physical health?Once you have looked at the problem from all angles, you will be able to better make a decision on whether it is right to tell them or not.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have secrets in my mind, and I don't know what to do with them. I don't want to tell my wife and mom because I don't want to hurt them. But I'm not sure how long that I can keep the secret to myself.\n\nWhat should I do? It's becoming annoying and making me anxious. Help me out"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2012
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It is a good thing that you have recognized that you have been in some unhealthy relationships and that you are wanting to break this pattern.  You seem to have some good insight into the situation.The type of behavior that you are describing is usually rooted in childhood issues with insecure attachment bonds with your caregivers, childhood trauma and/or abuse or neglect, or dysfunctional family issues that did not allow you to develop healthy boundaries for yourself or a sense of self.  This is something that is going to take some time to work through in therapy.  I recommend a book titled \u201cBoundaries: Where you end and I begin\u201d by Anne Katherine.  Another book that might be helpful is \u201cCodependent No More\u201d by Melody Beattie.\u00a0In the meantime, until you can work through your personal issues, absolutely do not enter into another relationship.  Take however long you need to and work on becoming a whole, happy, emotionally healthy person on your own.  Needing another person to define you is problematic.  That\u2019s too much to expect from any individual.For a relationship to be healthy and happy, both people in the relationship first need to be a whole person on their own.  That means having a clear sense of self, knowing who you are and what you want, knowing how to set healthy boundaries, and knowing how to meet your own needs.  It is unreasonable to expect your partner to meet all of your needs all of the time.  There will be times that they won\u2019t be able to meet your needs.  You have to know how to meet those yourself.\u00a0When you are working on becoming the best you that you can be, eventually the right person will come into your life.  Then you can CHOOSE to be with someone because you want them in your life instead of feeling like you NEED them to complete you.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.\r\nI seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.\r\nI am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2013
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I suggest that you work on emotional awareness.\u00a0Emotional awareness basically means knowing what you are feeling and why.Emotional awareness also means that you can identify the link between the way you are feeling and your actions. In other words knowing that your feelings dictate what you do.Often feelings of hurt or insecurity can come out as anger if we cannot properly identify and express the feelings.Being emotionally aware also means that you are able to express your feelings to others.  Being unable to do so leads to feelings of frustration and being misunderstood.Many people for many different reasons are not in touch with their emotions.  For example, men traditionally have been brought up taught to not express sadness or weakness.  Therefore, many men learned to turn feelings of sadness, insecurities, or fears into anger and express these feelings as anger.  Being taught not to feel a certain emotion does not make that emotion disappear.  Instead it makes us learn how to express it in other, incorrect, ways.  If a man never learns to say \u201cI am sad\u201d or \u201cthat really hurt my feelings\u201d and instead lashes out in anger, then the response they get from those around them will be to the anger and not a response to the underlying true feeling, which will leave the man feeling alone and misunderstood.You can control yourself and not explode.  Walk away, remove yourself from the situation, do whatever you have to do to not lash out.  Instead of reacting the way you normally would, go somewhere by yourself and think about what just happened and try to understand why such a \u201csimple\u201d thing upset you.  What is the real feeling driving these outbursts?  Maybe you can begin to recognize an underlying pattern.\u00a0It might help to keep an anger journal.  Write down everything that gets you upset.  That might help you see a pattern and pinpoint what may be setting you off.  Talking with a therapist about this would be beneficial in helping pinpoint the underlying cause of the outbursts you are experience.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I easily recognize this but have no control over it and need suggestions for managing my anger."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2014
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "First of all, exercise is always beneficial for your physical and emotional health. That's great that you have added this in your routine. Have you also considered altering your diet? Certain foods are linked with poor sleep. For example, alcohol, caffeine, nicotine and high fat content foods do not bode well with quality sleep, especially right before bed time.\u00a0\u00a0On the other hand, warm milk and foods high in carbohydrates have actually shown to positively impact sleep.Additionally, at bed time it's important to keep your room dim, cool and without distractions (i.e. TV, IPad, Phone). Stick to a sleep routine and avoid any activities close to bed time that demand a lot of attention and energy.As far as your nightmares, there could be many causes contributing to them. Certain foods (many of the ones mentioned) or medications could be the culprit. Doing a bit of research into the ones you are consuming may help you eliminate the offender.\u00a0You may also benefit from talk therapy with a qualified therapist to discuss any underlying issues you are experiencing. Oftentimes, depression and anxiety can manifest themselves during sleep, causing nightmares.\u00a0Finally, Yoga has shown to be very beneficial for quality sleep. There are many instructional videos available that can introduce you to the practice if you'd rather not join a class right away.\u00a0Best of luck to you and I sincerely hope you are able to catch up on some well deserved Z's!", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "It takes me a long time to fall asleep; I\u2019d estimate about two hours. I often have nightmares, starting with being eaten by a monster, and I often wake up frightened and unable to breathe.\n\nI believe I started losing sleep after breaking up with a girlfriend of 8 years. Also, my father\u2019s business went bankrupt and my mother has a chronic condition. I was under a lot of stress, and life lost meaning.\n\nAfter improving my life and developing a habit of running and exercise to release stress, my symptoms improved. However in the past couple months, I started losing sleep again and having nightmares without warning. How can I solve this issue?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2015
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I will admit I am confused about this question.  Are you the other parent in question or a concerned coworker of this therapist?\u00a0Therapists do not prescribe or have access to medication.  Most therapists won't even get involved in a custody battle.  They know there is a good chance of their records ending up in court and that they themselves will have to testify in court.  Of course, therapists are human and can make mistakes, but I find it highly unlikely that a therapist would knowingly and willingly do something like this that is such a major ethical violation.  Not only are they losing their license to practice by doing this, they are going to face criminal charges and jail time.  If their clinical judgment is that the other parent is a danger to the child, they don't have to resort to illegal means to try to prove this.\u00a0If you have concrete proof that this has happened then there is a process in which you can file a report against the therapist with their licensure board.  Every therapist is licensed in their state.  There are different types of licensures so you would need to know this therapist's licensure.Most accusations from the other parent are expected in a custody situation because people do tend to get quite ugly.  Don't accuse the therapist or the parent of anything just to try to make yourself look better and them look bad.  Have evidence of wrongdoing before accusing them of this.  If this has really happened then of course it needs to be reported, but don't try to ruin someone's career unless you are sure this occurred.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "What do you do when a therapist and a parent drugs a child and makes up lies in order to stop the other parent's custody visitation?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2016
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "First of all, my heart goes out to you. Infidelity is an extremely challenging obstacle to overcome. There are some things that you should consider. First of all, did he seem truly remorseful? If you felt in his heart that he was truly sorry for what he had done, it will give you a piece of mind that it was a\u00a0 mistake.\u00a0Secondly, was he forthcoming with this information? How about with answering your questions after the truth was uncovered? If you found that he was still lying or not forthcoming, the sting is even more painful. He should be able to answer any question you have honestly and without hesitation.Thirdly, has he shown a positive difference after this experience? At this time, he should still be proving his faithfulness to the marriage, you and the children.Keep in mind that experiencing infidelity is a form of grief. It is not a quick process that can easily be overcome. What you are experiencing is 100% normal.\u00a0My best suggestion would be to see a marriage therapist. Find out what drove your husband to cheat in the first place and decide if this aspect in his life has been resolved. I know its important for you to keep your family together but children can sense anger and frustration, this is not a healthy environment either. If you decide that you can no longer remain in the relationship, a therapist will also be able to help you cope with the separation along with addressing your children's needs.Please know that you are not alone and that unfortunately, many relationships have endured this very thing. It may also be helpful to reach out to people who have experienced similar obstacles. The web is a great resource to find groups whether online or in person to use as a support or sounding board.Best of luck to you and your family!", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Cheating is something unacceptable for me but because we have two daughters I decided not to break up the family.\nHowever, now I am struggling to forget and forgive what happened. I feel like I cannot trust him. Without trust, I cannot stay in this relationship. On the other hand, I do not want my children to get hurt. I'm not sure how to move forward?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2017
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I\u2019m sorry to hear about your current situation. My heart goes out to you during this time.First of all, it is of vital importance that you discuss your symptoms with your doctor. Regardless of whether you are able to mend your relationship with your husband, you need to address the physical issues you are experiencing. More than likely he/she will be able to help you relieve some of these symptoms.Secondly, you must be upfront and honest with your husband. Intimacy is a large part of a relationship and it is unfair to your husband that you did not disclose how you were feeling. I think he would appreciate knowing that it was your medical problems causing the lack of sexual desire as opposed to the reason being him.If you explain to him that you are addressing your sexual issues with your doctor in order to enhance your relationship, he may be more willing to see that you are serious in wanting to mend the relationship.\u00a0The conversation will be hard to explain to your doctor and your husband since it is of such a personal nature but it will be extremely beneficial. And please note that the reason for the feelings you were experiencing (or lack thereof), was not your fault.Best of luck to you and your husband!", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have no sex drive due to medical issues. I\u2019ve shut down completely and closed everyone out. I\u2019ve even told my husband that I wanted a divorce since that\u2019s what I thought he wanted to hear. However, it devastated me when I learned he's seeing someone else.\r\nI\u2019ve since told him that I wanted to work things out but he\u2019s not sure I actually mean it. He thinks the only reason I want him back is because I\u2019m jealous.  How do I show him I\u2019m serious?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2018
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi there. I have to commend you on reaching out to get some answers on why you are feeling the way that you are feeling. A lot of people secretly go about their lives every day feeling this way because they are too afraid of what the answer might be.First off, what stressors do you have in your life right now? Financial, relationship and unemployment are all common stressors for people. They can often make it difficult for us to sleep at night due to the constant racing thoughts and wonders of how you will deal with it all.\u00a0Secondly, do you have a history of depression or does depression run in your family? Some of the symptoms listed here in this question (i.e. trouble sleeping, constant fatigue, too much sleep, anger & anxiety) are all common symptoms of depression. Often times, these symptoms can be overlooked and mistaken for \"just being tired.\"\u00a0Furthermore, it's important to ask yourself, if you are feeling worthless, problems with concentration and recurrent thoughts of death. If you are having these symptoms, please seek help IMMEDIATELY.\u00a0Lastly, considering your stated symptoms I would recommend reaching out to your Doctor for further consult. It's always better to be safe and the earlier you catch the symptoms the faster you will get to feeling better!  do Some helpful tips for the your Doctor would be to monitor your sleep habits (i.e. how much or little are you sleeping), make a list of your triggers for your anger outbursts as well as your triggers for your anxiety attacks.\u00a0I hope this was helpful and the best of luck to you.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have a lot of issues going on right now. First of all, I have a lot of trouble sleeping at times, while other nights I sleep too much and still feel quite tired. I\u2019m also noticing increased irritability and experiencing anxiety attacks that last for hours. Is there something wrong with me and if so what should I do?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2019
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It sounds to me like you have had a lot going on and now you are afraid you are going to lose the last things you care about, your pets.  I do not know what all is going on in your family, and I cannot answer for your dad\u2019s actions or his reasoning behind this.I would recommend that you focus on developing healthy coping skills.  We cannot change what others do but we can change how what they do affects us.  If you have all of your emotions and all of yourself tied up into one thing (like your pets) then when that thing is taken away it causes a lot of emotional distress.  It is really good to have a wide variety of interests such as friends, hobbies, games, etc.  Develop other things that you care about and are passionate about.Another reason for developing healthy coping skills to deal with whatever might be going on in your life is if you don\u2019t have healthy ones, you may develop some very unhealthy ones.  You have to cope somehow, right?  Developing unhealthy ways of coping with life is only going to make life more difficult for you.I don\u2019t know if this is what it is like for you at your house, but there are two kinds of household environments that can cause dysfunction in children. One is when you grow up in a very rigid stern household where all decisions are made for you and you feel like you have no control over anything. The other is a household where things were chaotic and you never knew what was going to happen next and had no stability. People need to have some stability in their lives and need to feel in control over some things in order to feel safe.  Both of these environments can lead you to develop some unhealthy ways of coping with life.  Please talk to a trusted adult about your feelings before it gets any worse.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "The last of my emotions belong to my pets. Today my dad said he might get rid of them tomorrow. If that does happen I might dig hole in the ground with a paper that says \"here lays my emotions. R.I.P.\" I practically have no emotions left and I came to the realization about this not being normal by comparing my reaction to certain situations to my family's. What's wrong with me?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2020
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I am sorry to hear of these troubles.  I see a few issues here.  I wonder why you were both trying to get pregnant when the relationship seemed troubled?  Some people think that they can fix a broken relationship by getting pregnant, and all this does is bring up more problems.You say you never treated her badly, and I believe you.  People in a relationship can still be unhappy even when there is no abuse or mistreatment going on.  In fact, giving too much of yourself to the relationship and not having a \u201cself\u201d outside of this relationship can be unhealthy.  It takes two whole, healthy, happy people who are that way when they are single to come together to make a whole, healthy, happy couple in a relationship.  Expecting your partner to meet all your needs or to provide your happiness is not going to work.There are two books that I recommend you buy and read.  One is Codependent No More.  The other is Can My Relationship Be Saved?Sometimes when you cling and try even harder to hold onto someone, it makes you both miserable.  You cannot change her and cannot change her mind.  Sometimes the best thing is to let go.  If it is meant to be, you will end up back together again.  It seems like this is something that she needs to decide since she is the one that keeps doing the leaving.  I suggest backing off and letting her go.  Maybe she needs time to clear her head and make up her mind.  If it is meant to be, she will come back. If not, use this time to work on being a healthy happy you on your own.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Me and my girlfriend just broke up. She said she loves me but is not in love anymore. This came out of nowhere. We seemed so happy together.\nIt all started when she went to Missouri to visit her family. The first week she was there she was fine then once she went to this one sister\u2019s house everything changed. That's when she told me she loved me but was not in love with me anymore. I thought maybe it was just because she missed her family and she just wanted to be home because she told me that she could not leave them again.\nThen she told me to come to her in Missouri. So that's what I did. I quit my job I dropped everything, said goodbye to my family in Florida and drove 15 straight hours to be with her.\nOnce I got there everything was fine again. \u00a0She apologized for everything and said she didn't mean any of it then we were good for about a week. Then she went back to saying she didn\u2019t love me anymore and had no feelings for me.\nThe only thing that really gets me and makes me not want to accept this is that now she is pregnant. This wasn\u2019t an accident. We were trying to get pregnant, so all this is hard to accept. I love her so much. I have never been bad to her. I've treated her the best I can. I wanted her to be my wife. I was going to propose to her when she got back. Now I'm losing my family and my mind. I don't know what to do."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2021
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I will assume that for whatever reason, you either do not want to or are not able to seek counseling for this.  However, I highly urge you to do so because long-term childhood abuse does have negative consequences for your life as an adult, as it seems you are already aware.\u00a0There are confidential and free crisis hotlines that you can call that deal with sexual abuse.  Some/most also offer free counseling services in local areas.  That would be a good place to start looking, especially if cost of counseling is an issue.The important thing to know is that what happened was not your fault and that you deserve to live a happy life free of the past.  Having anger and trust issues after something like this is a perfectly normal reaction to what happened to you.  Angry?  Yes! At your brother for what he did, at your parents for not protecting you.  Having trouble trusting?  Of course!  The very people who were supposed to love and protect you hurt you instead. Two books that might help you are Codependent No More and Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Now I have anger and trust issues. How can I treat this and fix myself?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2022
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi there. Being 15 years old can be a very difficult time in your teenage life. I remember when I was 15 and how I often felt my parents weren\u2019t listening to me. It\u2019s even more difficult when you feel that you do not have a friend that you can confide in.\u00a0Having depression in the past and being able to get through it shows me that you can get through anything! Depression alone is a very difficult problem to work through. In addition to the communication problem with your parents, it appears that you are also struggling with stress and anxiety. We all have stress and anxiety in our lives. If we didn\u2019t, none of us would be living. Anxiety & stress keep us on our toes! Often, I have to remind myself of this as well. However, it is how we manage stress and anxiety, so it will not overcome our lives.\u00a0Are you familiar with relaxation techniques, such as: deep breathing exercises, meditation or yoga? Relaxation Techniques can help you tremendously in reducing your stress and anxiety.\u00a0Deep breathing exercises are helpful when you are on the go, such as school, shopping, out with friends or whatever extracurricular activities you engage in.  Most people do not take full advantage of their lung capacity. I know, that sounds silly. But, it\u2019s true. You would be surprised how much air you lungs can hold. Imagine being in the Doctor\u2019s office and taking deep breaths. This is what you want to do when you are feeling overwhelmed and/or stressed. Take a moment to take in at least 10 deep breaths and let them out slowly. You will be surprised how well you feel afterwards.\u00a0Meditation and Yoga are also healthy forms to working through stress and anxiety. You will need a quiet place for your meditation. You want to be \u201cin the moment\u201d and take in the peace and serenity. All it takes is a quiet place, closing your eyes and thinking of your \u201chappy place.\u201d Some people use meditation music as well. If you have access to this type of music and or the internet for more ways to practice meditation, please go for it!\u00a0Yoga on the other hand will take a little more work and practice. I would not suggest you learning this on your own, if you have never attempted yoga before. Find an experienced Yoga instructor to teach you the ropes and/or ask your school counselor about the possibility of getting someone to come to the school to teach the students.\u00a0Lastly, in regards to your parents it is very important to be able to have a relationship where you feel comfortable communicating. I would recommend writing a letter to them, if you are unable to express how you feel in person. A letter is more intimate and requires a little more effort on their end. If they are open on working on this relationship, maybe suggest family counseling to fully work on this issue.\u00a0I hope this was helpful for you and I wish you the best!\u00a0", "response_type": "Validation", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn\u2019t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn\u2019t believe me either. I\u2019m a pansexual, but I can\u2019t trust my own parents.\r\nI've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2023
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I don't think you\u2019ve lost something, I think you\u2019ve found something - your breaking point, and it's about time. Your boyfriend seems to be a very selfish and immature man who reconnects with you when it's convenient for him. Obviously, he has his own issues, but I want to address yours. I agree you need to talk to someone. The fact that you\u2019ve put up with his repeated cheating and then letting him blame you for it (by saying you're not affectionate enough, etc.), tells me you probably have low self-esteem and have likely told yourself over the years that you don't deserve any better. You do! You may truly love this guy, but based on his behaviors, he does not love you, not in the way you deserve. \u00a0And although you may want to believe he can change, he has proved over and over again that he's not willing to, so you need to do what is best for you and your children. What would you tell your daughters if someone was treating them this way? Would you want your sons to treat women this way? That's what you're teaching your children when they see this.Like I said, I agree that you should talk to someone. You can ask your boyfriend to go too, but my guess is he won't. Even if he does, you should still see someone individually to work on YOU. I understand it's not easy to just kick him out, especially since you have children together, but a counselor can help you talk through all the details while\u00a0helping you raise your self-esteem and self-worth.", "response_type": "Validation", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have been with this guy on and off for 8 years. At first, we used to do things together and our sex life was ok. Then things started to change, we'd break up and reconnect, and he cheated on me numerous times.  We've also had two beautiful baby girls during this time. Now we argue and he says I am not affectionate at all or I don't know how to please a man, when I work part-time, take care of a 2 year old and a 5 month old and cook. Sometimes he cooks, but he also spends a lot of time on the internet. In addition, I have 2 boys and he has 1 son. I feel somewhere I have lost something. It's not that I don\u2019t care, I truly love this guy, but I'm just tired of being the one who is always being judged. Please, I am in need of a Christian counselor to help us because I really need to speak to someone."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2024
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Let me start my stating this is important to take seriously - taking to his PCP, getting a referral to a pediatric specialist, and getting him to a relational psychotherapist would be my first tasks.\u00a0I wont label this occurrences as \"normal\" yet it is important to note these things do occur. My first observation is to say that it is a tremendous advantage that your son is communicating what he is experiencing. I'd encourage him to continue to do so, no matter the extent of his thoughts - his trust of you being able the handle his experience is of utmost importance. His containment and sense of security is also dependent on your reaction to what he shares. Seek professional help, communicating your support, including a plan of action, and reassuring him you will figure this out together will help you as you begin.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My son claims that hes been having extremely violent thoughts and dreams. Not violent like he's hurting someone, but violent thoughts like horrible things happening to his loved ones. He explained one of his dreams the other day and it was so violent it was sickening. It was far beyond anything in a horror movie, he says he can't help these thoughts they just pop up. Please help!"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2025
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "There are plenty of red flags that you have been presented with:Several breakups\u00a0Not holding up his end of the bargain regarding workLack of empathy for your miscarriageLying about his involvement with another womanPhysical violence, which is of most concern.\u00a0This seems to be a very unhealthy relationship. In my experience, relationships such as these rarely become positive ones. Violence is never okay and regardless of his reasoning (you looking through his phone), it is indefensible. You have to look at these red flags and ask yourself, \u201cIs this really someone I want to marry? Is he an asset to my life?\u201d I think you\u2019ll realize he is not.Best of luck to you and please know that you deserve someone who treats you with kindness, dignity and respect.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I\u2019ve known my boyfriend for several years. We were friends for a long time. In 2013 we started a relationship, and he even asked me to move in with him since I lived out of state. I planned to move in with him in 2014 after I finished school and he found a job. However, during this time we had a few arguments and broke up with each other for a short period of time. We decided later to make it work. Shortly after, I found out that I was pregnant. I wanted to tell him during his next visit. However, he never came to see me and instead asked me for money. After I gave him money, he quit answering my phone calls and texts. \r\n\r\nSoon after, I experienced a miscarriage. I texted him about what had happened, and he didn\u2019t seem to care. I was extremely hurt by this. I still decided to move back as I had originally planned. He helped me with the move and replaced the money I had lent him. During this time, I asked if he wanted to be in this relationship because I needed to know. Although he says he did, I hardly ever see him. He never got a job, which was in the original plan.  \r\n\r\nAfter that, we both started seeing other people for a short amount of time but once again got back together. Once we got back together, I cut all ties with the former relationship I had been in. I thought he had too. But I found out that he did not attempt to do as I did and was still talking with another woman. In fact, he had even sent inappropriate pictures to her. When I confronted him about this, he wasn\u2019t apologetic. He said that he only did it to get even with me and was actually mad at me for looking through his phone. He even closed his car window on my finger and tried to throw me out of his car. I don\u2019t know what to do."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2026
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I am very sorry to hear of your struggles.  I think that it is normal to struggle to get your feet under you again after a divorce, especially after leaving a relationship that lasted 11 years, so try not to be too hard on yourself.  Take it one day at a time and do the best you can.I notice that you said he left you.  This tells me that you didn\u2019t have the strength to leave him on your own despite the fact that you say he was emotionally and mentally abusive and also cheating on you.  Low self-esteem can keep someone in a bad relationship because they think they can\u2019t do any better.  Also, abusers will make you think that they are the best thing you can get.  The way I see it, he did you a favor.   You are now free to make your own life whatever you want it to be.\u00a0Take this time alone to work on you.  As hurtful as it may be that other people don\u2019t want to help you, this is something that you need to do for yourself without feeling like you need someone in your life to take care of you.  Your statement \u201cI don\u2019t feel like I exist anymore\u201d tells me that in addition to low self-esteem, you also don\u2019t have a clear sense of identify and rely on the people in your life to help define who you are.  People can and will let you down.  It is important for you to learn to handle disappointment, learn to take care of your own needs, and to gain a stronger sense of self.\u00a0Do nice things for yourself every day because you deserve it.  Even if it is just to soak a little longer in a hot bubble bath, do something that makes you feel good.  Find a hobby that you enjoy.  Look in the mirror and tell yourself some positive affirmations daily.  Google \u201cpositive affirmations\u201d to find some that resonate with you.  Such statements might be \u201cI am a good person who deserves to be happy\u201d or \u201cI can do this.\u201d  Some relaxation and meditation exercises may help you as well.  There are some free meditation exercises that you can find online by doing a simple Google search.Take this time to focus on you and try not to worry about what everyone else in your life is doing.  When you are a happier, more stable person, the right people will come into your life without you even looking for them.  Good luck with rebuilding your life.  I know it is hard!  Remember to take it one day at a time.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I am going through a divorce from a narcissistic sociopath who left me for another woman after mentally and emotionally abusing me for 11 years. I have moved to a different state and after giving up my successful business am working as a server at a restaurant. I\u2019m coping as best as I can. Is it normal and healthy to not adapt as quickly and be as strong as I think I should be? I am astounded at his cruelty and how much he doesn't care, as well as most other people in my life. I feel like I don't exist to anyone anymore as there is no contact from anyone who I thought cared about me. My brother just said no to lending me a few hundred dollars for me to live on. I am losing faith in humanity itself."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2027
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi there. Thank you reaching out for help. It takes a lot of courage for someone that is being abused to reach out for help. I want you to know that I am here to help you in any way that I can.\u00a0First and foremost, you did not mention whether or not you had children yourself by this man. I\u2019m going to assume there are. So, the most important thing right at this moment is asking yourself, if you and your children are safe? Is the boyfriend currently living in the home or is he coming and going? If he is coming and going or currently living in the home, my suggestion for you to is to pack a bag for you and your children and go somewhere safe (i.e. family members home, friend or a shelter temporarily). I cannot stress this enough. Although, some people tend to minimize their abusers behavior (i.e. they only do it when they are drinking, they only do it when they are mad), it\u2019s those individuals that find themselves or their children in a serious situation. So, you can never take abuse (physical or mental) lightly because you never know what is going through that persons mind at that particular time. It\u2019s always better to be safe than sorry.\u00a0Secondly, it will not be safe, helpful or productive to attempt to talk to the abuser about your relationship. Abusers often times try and manipulate you into staying by apologizing or attempting to justify their behaviors. This is the time you would want to go see a magistrate in order to get a protective order for you and your children.It\u2019s unfortunate that your significant other was involved with another women causing pregnancy; however, that is no longer your concern. Your concern at this point is keeping yourself and your children safe. I would also suggest counseling for you and your children in order to work through these issues. I hope this was helpful and please stay safe and take care of yourself.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I've been married for 3 years and I have two kids. During my 3-years married, my husband cheated on me twice.  The second time really got to me and at my lowest I hurt him back. We aren't communicating as well as I would like. What do I do?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2028
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It's hard to let go of the dreams you had regarding your wedding and engagement. This was something that you and most women think about for years, so it's understandable to be disappointed. But please be aware that it is rare that any wedding is perfect. You may envy your friends' weddings but more than likely they had a few mishaps of their own and/or it wasn't as perfect as they had planned it either.\u00a0However, like you know, the marriage is the most important thing.  How many women are envious that you are in a happy, stable relationship? I assure you that there are plenty.\u00a0Try to live in the present considering that dwelling on the past can still not change how you were proposed to or how your wedding day transpired. Focus on what you can control NOW. Perhaps, you can plan an extravagant renewal of your vows or change the look of your ring?I would also be upfront with your husband and explain why you've been short lately. But after that, close that chapter and move on. It sounds like you have a wonderful companion and you certainly don't want to lose this due to a situation that is impossible to change.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have been with my husband for almost 7 years. We got engaged a little after 5 years of being together. I had always been clear that I wanted to get married and I sadly would drop hints about how i wanted him to propose. \nWhen he did propose it was during a random vacation that I had planned. I was happy but I couldn't help feeling disappointed too.\nI had told him numerous times before that I wanted him to do it in front of my friends and family. I know it sounds dumb to be upset but I couldn't help how I was feeling.\nWe are now married but the wedding and ring were also far from what I wanted and it wasn't due to lack of funds.  I know this is all material and the marriage is the most important thing but I cant help but get jealous and envious every time I see someone get a proposal or wedding that I had wanted.\nI cant help my anger because I know we only get one proposal and one wedding. What I wanted will never happen.\nI have been working on my feelings for the past year and half to get over it. I try to focus on our marriage but every time I see someone have the best proposals and weddings I get upset.\nI know it is selfish and I know its petty but I just can't control it. It's ruining our relationship because I constantly think about it. Plus, I get mad at him for small things because I am trying to hide the fact that I am so disappointed. \nWhy can't I move on?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2029
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I am sorry that you lost your mother. That is a really hard thing for someone to go through.There is really no set time for grief to be over, but I agree that if it has been three years and you are still crying every day then this is past the time for normal grief.  I do not know how old you are and if you are in school or have a job, but I would imagine that if by now you literally were doing nothing but crying every day all day, someone would have noticed and would have gotten you some help.  For one thing, bills have to be paid.There are typically five stages of grief and they can come in any order.  You can go back to another stage that you previously experienced. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the stages.\u00a0At first, people are usually in denial over the fact that they lose someone or are losing someone.  This may mean that you deny they are ill or deny that they have actually died.Then comes bargaining, in which you may beg God that if you can only have this person back then you will do whatever.\u00a0Depression is when the reality has settled in and when we cry and really feel the loss.  It sounds like you are stuck in this phase.Finally, acceptance is when we accept that it has happened and we pick up the pieces of our life and move on.When we lose someone we never forget them.  We may always have certain days that are tough, such as holidays or any special remembrance of your loved one.  But we do get to the place where we accept that death is part of life and that it is inevitable, and that life goes on.A therapist can help you explore the reasons for your extended grief and can help you with coping skills to better deal with it.  One suggestion I have is not to try to run from the sad feelings, don\u2019t try to not feel them.  Embrace the feelings.  Let the feelings wash over you and accept them.  Trying not to feel something is not going to help.  Sadness is a part of life and needs to be felt just like happiness does.  Unpleasant feelings are not to be avoided.I am sincerely sorry that you lost your mother and that you have had such a hard time of it for three years now.  You deserve to be happy and to live a full life.  I am sure your mother would not want you being sad for so long.  I wish you all the best as you continue to try to heal from this loss and deal with your grief.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "What can I do to stop grieving my mother\u2019s death?  When I am awake I just cry every day. I don't have anyone to talk to. I need help; I am still cry over her.  Will I ever stop crying? It\u2019s been 3 years."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2030
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I think it would be wise for you to call a hotline especially designed for children. It's called the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline. The number is 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).\u00a0It is completely anonymous and a trained therapist will be able to provide you with guidance, confidentiality, and can also help you make a report of you want.The call is completely free and they are open 24 hours a day / 7 days a week.\u00a0I'm glad that you are taking steps to improve your situation. You are a very brave and an intelligent child.\u00a0Please remember to call 911 if you are in immediate danger.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm having issues with my relative. The police never believe the experiences I have been through because I am only a kid.\u00a0\r\n\r\nI've even had trouble trying to reach a therapist because I said I wanted to get an adult to help me. Could you please give me advice?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2031
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi there. Wow, this sounds like a sticky situation; however, I\u2019m here to help guide you through this decision.\u00a0First and foremost, you must ask yourself, if you ever loved your sons\u2019 father or was it a situation to where you two got pregnant and stayed together for the child. It\u2019s very common to stay with your partner when a child is involved regardless, if love is involved or not because \u201cit\u2019s the right thing to do.\u201d Right? Well, not entirely.  Although, staying with your partner because you have a child together may seem right, in fact, it hurts the child in the long run. If you are not love with your partner, you will show distance, unhappiness, sadness, possibility of frequent arguments and cheating.  When a child grows up in the home and witnesses these types of emotions & behaviors it is unhealthy as he/she will expect their own relationships to be such. As a responsible adult, you are supposed to be there to shape and model the future for your child. Just remember, what you do, your child will model.\u00a0Secondly, do not sell yourself short from love. Everyone deserves to be happy and to have someone to share their love and intimacy with. However, being in love with someone you have never seen before can be very risky. Honestly, that sounds like lust and the longing of love.  Humans have needs and when people are unhappy in their current relationship, they often seek out what they need.  If you decide to pursue the second relationship, I would suggest setting up an outing with a friend or two in order to get to know this person as there are a lot of scammers these days.\u00a0Finally, I am not convinced that this has anything to do with choosing between two guys.  This seems as if you are making a decision to end the relationship with your child\u2019s father or not. You should ask yourself, if you were in love with your child\u2019s father first off. If you were, you would have never sought after love.  I hope this was helpful for you and I hope I was able to shed a different light on your situation. Take care of yourself!", "response_type": "Validation", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have been with a guy for 4 years,  he's a great guy and we also have a son together. The problem is that I'm in love with a guy that I've been talking to for about 2 years but I've never met him in person. Honestly I'm bored with the relationship I have with the first guy and he makes want to go after the second guy, I don't know how to tell him that. What should I do?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2032
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I am sorry to hear of your relationship struggles.\u00a0One thing I wonder is did you volunteer the information about your past or is this something that he asked about?  In the future, it is probably best to leave details out of conversations like this.  I think it is common and natural for partners to ask about the sexual history.  For one thing, it is a good idea to be checked for STD\u2019s before entering into a sexual relationship with someone, and it is fair to share that information with each other.  Partners usually want to know how many you have been with and what kind of sexual preferences you have or if there is anything you don\u2019t like to do.  This gets into a gray area for some people.  I don\u2019t necessarily want to know how many people my partner has been with and I certainly don\u2019t want a whole lot of details.  Sometimes that is an image I just don\u2019t want in my head about my partner.  Vague details are usually enough.However, I understand that your partner has the details and is not happy with your past.  This is a reflection on him, not you.  This shows insecurities on his part.  You cannot control how he will react to information that you provide to him and you cannot control how he feels about the information.  The past should remain in the past and not be held against you in the present or future.   If he cannot handle your past then it is going to cloud your relationship.  You can offer couples counseling to him and see if he will go with you.  I have seen relationships recover from some very serious problems such as infidelity.  It takes two people who both want it to work to make it work though.\u00a0If your boyfriend cannot get over your past, you may have to let him go.  Don\u2019t keep yourself tied to someone who is not right for you.  Constantly holding your past over your head and holding that against you is only going to bring you down and eventually you may start having insecurities or low self-esteem due to this type of treatment. I don\u2019t see that you have done anything wrong.  If you aren\u2019t cheating on him now and you answered his questions about your past honestly, how he handles that information is on him.  Ultimately, relationships have a tendency to come and go. Don\u2019t fight to hold onto someone who is not right for you.  It is okay to be single and enjoy being the best you that you can be.  In time, the right person for you will enter your life.", "response_type": "Validation", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My boyfriend can't get over my promiscuous past. He says he loves me  but says the thought of my past is disgusting and a sexual distraction. He says he should have had more sex with different people. I don't know how to handle this."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2033
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I'm sorry you are feeling uncared for. I'm sure there are plenty of people that care and love for you that you are not taking into consideration. Sometimes when we get upset we may think irrationally and see the world as all or nothing. However, take a deep breath, relax and start focusing on the positive relationships you have with others, regardless of how small or insignificant they may seem. I think you will quickly realize there are people out there that care a great deal about you.I also think it would help for you to surround yourself among people who you can identify with and share common interests with. Maybe you can attend a religious service, join an interest group (i.e. reading club, sports group, etc.) or start a group of your own. Most importantly, you need to tap into your interests and surround yourself with things that are beneficial for your own mental and physical health. From this, relationships will start to immerse.\u00a0You may also like to talk with a therapist regarding your feelings of being unloved. This is an unhealthy way to think of yourself and I think with a little help, you can see that you are more than deserving of a great relationship.\u00a0Thanks for reaching out and I wish you the best of luck moving forward. \u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "What do I do if I have been feeling like I could never be with anyone because no one would want me. Or I couldn't have many friends because of who I am. It's strange I want to be loved but I'd hate to be because I always lose."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2034
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "This is difficult to answer because you don\u2019t tell us what the fetish is.\u00a0 I do understand that this is something that is bothering you though.\u00a0The first thing to ask yourself is if this is something that is illegal or not.\u00a0 If this is illegal to engage in, then you need to seek counseling help immediately to control the urges.However, if your fetish is not something illegal and you just feel that it is something odd, a therapist could still help you deal with these feelings.\u00a0 You may find that it is something very common and not something to be ashamed of.\u00a0 You may find other people have the same interest as you.\u00a0 Find a therapist that you can trust and tell them.\u00a0 Don\u2019t hold back with your therapist.\u00a0 Trust me, they have heard and seen it all by now, and they can help you either stop the behavior that is causing you distress, or help you come to terms with accepting the behavior as part of who you are.\u00a0 There is no need to suffer with this alone.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have this weird fetish that I'm afraid to open up about it. What should I do?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2035
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "First of all, if you\u2019re sick and in pain, have you seen your doctor? If you have a chronic illness and pain, this can often lead to depression and is very common. You\u2019ve taken the first step to dealing with it. You can talk to your doctor, even if your depression isn\u2019t related to your health. He or she can either look at prescribing you an antidepressant or can refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist.If that\u2019s not really an option for you, there are\u00a0also helplines (local or national) or support groups where people dealing with\u00a0similar issues\u00a0can talk to each other. If you can't find any in your area (newspapers usually publish this information), there are\u00a0online support groups as well.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm in a state of depression right now. Who can I talk to? I've been sick in a lot of pain and crying. Don't know where to turn."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2036
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I'm sorry to hear that you are unable to get through to your parents. It sounds like you are experiencing a great deal of anxiety that needs to be addressed by a professional (despite the fact that you are unable to at the moment). I would recommend talking with another adult such as a  school counselor that can offer you support in this area. Perhaps they can work with you on your anxiety issues and schedule a meeting with your parents so that he/she may help mediate the conversation with them.If you are unable to reach out to a school counselor maybe you can try a member of the family such as an aunt or an uncle that feels comfortable addressing the issue with your parents. Sometimes it helps hearing it from a third party before the situations is taken seriously enough.Good luck!", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "My dad refuses to acknowledge my anxieties about going to parties, dinners, etc. Whenever I have an opinion it gets shut down. My mom and everyone else behaves likewise. For my father who heads a company, this is normal. He has to be right all the time. He blatantly refuses to even try to see it from my angle. \r\n\r\nRecently however, it's been getting to the point where I feel pressured and unable to speak my mind. It isn't possible for me to get professional one-on-one help. He tells me to grow a pair and get over it. I recently have been developing more severe body image and self-confidence issues, which I have had all my life. I feel invalidated by my dad.  I have been more paranoid lately as well. I can't turn on location services anymore on my phone because of a past incident. He makes me feel guilty about it.  I feel rather worthless more often than not, unfortunately.  What do I do?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2037
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi there, first off I have to commend you for reaching out. It takes a lot for a man to reach out for help when it comes to erection problems. Believe it or not, this problem is very common for men and women.\u00a0There are some things that you can try naturally, before resulting in medication, such as your eating habits and exercise. I would suggest taking a look at what you are consuming throughout the day. Do you consume a healthy diet and do you exercise regularly? How much caffeine and sugar do you intake daily?  These are just a few common things to look at. You would be surprised of how much pressure what we consume puts on our bodies. Our bodies are like a car. You have to maintenance it, in order for it to continue to run.\u00a0If you would like to get further natural advice and/or suggestions on eating healthy and exercising, I would recommend you see a nutritionist. A nutritionist specializes in maintaining a healthy diet. As far as your Doctor, I would recommend looking into getting another Doctor. I have never heard of a medical professional not wanting to talk about anything. That appears to be a personal issue on their part. I hope I was helpful and I wish you the best of luck!", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm a 40 year old male and having erection problems. Still have the desire for a woman. Awfully frustrated. Any suggestions? My Doc doesn't want to discuss it."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2038
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I want to applaud you for taking this first step towards realizing that this is an issue and wanting to do something about it.\u00a0 You are already on the road to a happier life with this realization.\u00a0 A lot of women do not recognize that it may be something about them that continues to attract a man like this and will only blame it on the men for treating them that way.\u00a0 Until you realize there is a problem you won\u2019t start looking for a solution.Don\u2019t misunderstand me!\u00a0 The abuse is not your fault! You are seeing a pattern, though, so this does need to be addressed.\u00a0First, go and buy the book \u201cBoundaries: Where You End and I Begin\u201d by Anne Katherine.\u00a0 Read it.\u00a0 This book describes many situations that are similar to yours, describes how a person came to be that way, and how to stop it.\u00a0 You will have to learn to set good boundaries in your life and to maintain them.Be single for a while.\u00a0 Stay single until you feel like a whole, healthy, happy person on your own.\u00a0 Often we get in a relationship because of a need.\u00a0 If you feel like you need a person in your life to make you a whole person then you are in a relationship for the wrong reasons.\u00a0 The first step is to work on whatever it is in you that makes you feel like you need another person in your life.\u00a0 Identify those needs and then learn to fulfill them on your own.I was doing a couples therapy session and the husband was being emotionally abusive to the wife.\u00a0 This was a recurrent theme for her, like you are saying it is for you.\u00a0 However, she had been doing a lot of work on her own and in private therapy, and this was a new relationship.\u00a0 Obviously she still had not \u201cgotten it right\u201d because she did once again attract a man with these tendencies.\u00a0 The difference this time was that she had done a lot of work on herself and had become a stronger person.\u00a0 When she looked at him in our session and said to him \u201cI don\u2019t need you. I want you.\u00a0 But not if you are going to continue to act like this.\u00a0 So you leave the house and don\u2019t come back until you are ready to make some changes.\u201d\u00a0 She stuck to that, too.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t leave for two more days because he kept telling her he would do different and begging to be allowed to stay.\u00a0 She had drawn a boundary and stuck to it, and he left. She was fully prepared to be single again.\u00a0 They actually did end up working things out in the end.You can\u2019t let someone stay and continue to treat you badly.\u00a0 Sure, a marriage takes work and compromise on both sides.\u00a0 Couples therapy can help you both learn to communicate in a healthier way with each other and can help you realize what areas in the relationship need work.\u00a0 You may not realize how some of the things you say to him comes across, and he may not realize how what he says does to you.\u00a0 A therapist can help you with this so that you both learn how your words can hurt. But you need to know your boundaries and be prepared to stick to them and not compromise your boundaries.\u00a0 That means following through on the threat to leave when he continues to abuse you.\u00a0 Someone can\u2019t do that if they are too scared to be alone.\u00a0 If they feel they need the other person in their life.\u00a0These patterns are developed in early childhood from what we learn from our parents.\u00a0 When someone has grown up in a dysfunctional family, it is all they know.\u00a0 Even when you can say that you realize it is a problem, you still don\u2019t know how to stop it because you never learned any other way of interacting with people.\u00a0 Something that took a lifetime to learn will take time and work to overcome.\u00a0 Be patient with yourself and find a good therapist.\u00a0 You can\u2019t change your partner.\u00a0 Work on you, and when you begin to heal and feel healthy, the right people will come into your life and stay.\u00a0 The more you focus on trying to change the wrong ones to be what you want the more frustrated you will become.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I've been abused emotionally all of my life and for some reason I keep getting with men that I let emotionally abused me.\r\nHow can I stop it? I know the mistakes that I've made in my life. I'm having a really hard time getting back on my feet. Can you help me please?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2039
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I understand that gender and/or sexual identity crises can be very difficult to navigate, although in today\u2019s time I think we have made a lot of progress and it is becoming easier for individuals to find themselves and also find acceptance from society.I am unsure how old you are.  If you are a child or teenager, this is a normal time to have identity questions and to be in a phase where you are trying to figure out who you are and what you want out of life.  I hope that you have understanding and supportive friends and family that you can talk to and who will support you in how you feel and what you may decide to do.  A lot of people, unfortunately, do not, and if this is the case then it makes it harder for you.  Because then you may not feel safe exploring these feelings and decisions.I urge you not to try to make any permanent changes for quite some time.  By this I mean a sex change.  Anything permanent like surgery or hormone replacement to change your actual gender is something that does not need to be done lightly.  Please find a therapist that can help you explore your feelings and your identity crisis.  Of course there are things that you can do that are not permanent changes.  Many people decide to dress like their gender of choice.  Maybe experimenting in this way is something that you could do.See if you have a local chapter of PFLAG in your area. PFLAG stands for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.  They are able to help not only with those who identify as lesbian or gay, but also transgendered and asexual.\u00a0I wish you all the best in your identity crisis.  It would be very easy for you to sink into depression if you do not have good support and understanding from those around you during this time.  Find a professional that can help, especially if you experience depression or any thoughts of harming yourself.", "response_type": "Validation", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I feel like I would be more comfortable as a girl even though I still like girls. I think I'm like a girl stuck in a guy body. I imagine myself as a girl too. I think this more because my friends say that if I was a girl I would be a hot looking one. And I don't care about having boobs or anything. I just feel like the way that I do act will make more sense if I was a girl."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2040
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "The best way to handle depression and anxiety is with a combination of appropriate medication given to you by a medical doctor, and therapy to help you understand the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are causing the depression and anxiety in the first place and then to replace these with more positive thoughts and behaviors.  This is not something that anyone should just \u201cwhite knuckle\u201d and try to get through on their own with no help.  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a technique that has been proven helpful for depression and anxiety.  This takes a therapist trained in CBT.\u00a0There are some things in life that you cannot change and must learn to accept.  A lot of people spend time trying to change things that they have no control over.  This may be the behavior of someone else in your life or it could be a situation that you cannot change, such as the recent death of a loved one, a lost relationship, or an accident or illness which has left you handicapped.  In cases like this, what can change is your attitude and thoughts about the situation that you now find yourself in.  One thing that is inevitable about life is that stuff happens and it is not always pleasant. Some people take these unpleasant occurrences very hard and it throws them into a deep depression.  Other people seem to be able to handle life\u2019s ups and downs and bounce back.  They do this with having positive coping skills in their life.  Learning new coping skills is something your therapist can help you with.A lot of people are so focused on trying to change the things in their life that they cannot change and are ignoring the things that they can change.  There are things that you can do.  Here is a quote for you to consider.  \u201cYou are getting almost everything that you are getting based on the choices that you have made.  You will continue to get the same thing out of life until you make some changes.\u201d  Another quote I like is \u201cYou will find a way or you will find an excuse.\u201d  Don\u2019t ever say that you have no choice.  Everyone has a choice.  You might not particularly like any of the choices that you are facing, but you do have choices.  Not happy in a relationship?  You can leave it.  Hate your job?  Get a new one.  If it matters to you, you will find a way.  Don\u2019t sit there complaining about everything but not doing anything different or better.Take care of yourself.  Exercise is very important not only for your physical health, but for your mental health as well.  Eating right and exercising will help you feel better about yourself.  Also, find a meditation that works for you.  There are progressive muscle relaxation exercises, visual and mental meditations, and many many more.  Start making some positive changes in your life today!  You can do it!", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I've have lived for sometime with depression but things have gotten a lot better, but why is it so hard to get over anxiety and social isolation?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2041
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Do you have a close friend or relative who's opinion you trust? Ask them for their honest feedback and if they see you like your cousin does. If they don\u2019t see these qualities in you, then it may be your cousin\u2019s issue and she\u2019s taking it out on you. You can always ask her what would be the best way to communicate plans with her so you know, specifically, what she is expecting. Then if you meet these expectations and she still blames you and comments on how inconsiderate you are, it's her issue and she is not coming from a place of love.Even if you do resemble her comments, the way it sounds like she approaches this problem is not out of love. The fact that you're introspective enough to consider your own behavior suggests the problem is not with you.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Hello, I have a cousin in my family who has been making me feel belittled, insecure, and frustrated during her stay here in the city. I know she comes from a place of love, but she has always been short-fused and highly temperamental if something doesn't work out the way she planned it. I have tried my best to coordinate plans with her, but she always ends up frustrated about the lack of communication I seem to have on my part and then makes condescending comments about my character that include: inconsiderate, negative, oblivious, and self consumed. \r\n\r\nI have tried to talk to her openly about this, but it always comes back as an attack on my character and I have never heard these comments from anyone else before. I have been thinking a lot about her comments and whether I truly am an inconsiderate person who is not thoughtful, spatially aware of surroundings/people, or positive, but in the end, I am feeling awfully hurt about how this has affected our relationship. \r\n\r\nWhat can I do?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2042
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It sounds like you are in a tough situation. You have to ask yourself why you don't want to leave her. Is it because of the child? Or is it because you want the relationship to work? You must consider that being in an abusive relationship is not healthy for you or your child. So if the abuse continues, it would be more beneficial for you and your child to move out.On the other hand, if you are just wanting the relationship to work out despite its current state, you need to evaluate whether the relationship is worth salvaging. It seems as though you are very unhappy and undervalued in this relationship. Although your question revealed just a short bit of information, I didn't read about any positives in the relationship.\u00a0Sometimes it's extremely hard to leave a relationship even though you know that the relationship itself is harmful for you. However, with time and focus you can do it. Each day will get a little easier and you have to trust yourself that you are making the right situation for you and your child.However, if you really feel that you want to stay in the relationship, you have to be upfront with her. You need to tell her exactly how you feel and give her specific examples of how she is hurting you. This gives her a chance to render the situation. If after this there is no improvement, I suggest that you start reconsidering your decision to stay.I also think it would be valuable for you to start engaging in things outside of the home that make you happy. Are there any hobbies you enjoy? Are there any groups in the area that you can join such as playgroups that will allow you to engage with other parents? Start looking into these options and finding an avenue for you to do something for your own benefit.It is certainly not healthy for you to isolate yourself from friends and family. You need to have additional support networks besides the one with your girlfriend, especially since this has not been a healthy environment lately.Thank you for reaching out. I wish you the best of luck with your relationship.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have a child with my baby mother. She works I take care of our young son. She says she is not cheating I have not found anything but she always putting me down, telling me to get out and telling me she doesn't love me, but then the next day after our fight she says she does. I'm having a hard time because before our child she said she was raped by a family member but she never went to the hospital or the cops. Now me and my family don't talk. She's always telling me I'm annoying and just belittles me. Nothing I do is right.\n\nShe says I work you watch the baby. On her days off she never cooks or cleans. I have no friends or family and a couple months ago she was confiding to some guy, but says he's not any thing to her. What do I do? I don't want to leave."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2043
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "More information would be needed for me to accurately answer this question, such as your age, whether you live with your dad or not, and what other family members live in the household.\u00a0Something like this, alcoholism, is a whole family disease.  In other words, family members often unknowingly contribute to the alcoholism and enable the alcoholic to continue the destructive behavior.First of all, you can\u2019t make your dad do anything, and constantly nagging him or begging him to stop is just going to make him defensive and make this worse.  Nobody can change another person.  What you can do is change how you react to him and the things that you and other family members do for him.\u00a0Research codependency.  There\u2019s a great book called Codependent No More.  There are a lot of articles on the internet that you can read.  In short, you have to stop enabling him.  Like I said, you cannot control him, but you can control yourself.  This means do not buy his alcohol.  Do not make it easy for him to get.  Don\u2019t loan him the car keys or pay any household bills for him.  Don\u2019t call in sick to work for him or make excuses for him in any way.  Do not bail him out of jail when he gets arrested. He needs to be responsible for himself. This may mean losing his job or losing his driver\u2019s license. This may mean that he loses his family if he doesn\u2019t stop.\u00a0What you and your family can do is set boundaries about what you will put up with.  It is his choice to drink, but it is your choice to put up with the behaviors of his drinking.  A lot of people go into rehab because their spouse said if they don\u2019t then they are getting a divorce.If you are an adult and you don\u2019t live with your dad, then the best thing you can do for him is STOP doing things for him.  If you are a child who lives at home with him, then this could be a case for child protective services. In my state this is called DHS.  A report is made to this organization for child abuse or neglect.  Substance abuse in the home qualifies.  Of course, alcohol is legal and when consumed in moderation, there is no problems.  The problem will be the result of his alcohol consumption.  Does he drive with children in the car while intoxicated?  Is he left to care for minors while in an intoxicated state?  Are there any domestic violence issues due to his drinking?  This could be a reason for the authorities to step in.\u00a0You can look for a local meeting for family members of alcoholics.  They are similar to the AA meetings that an alcoholic should go to, but are for the family members.  They can help you.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Or how to send him somewhere that can help him, something like The Baker Act."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2044
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I think the best thing you can do is be respectful of each family member's wishes. Although everyone may not agree with one another, the most important thing you can do for each other is to respect their faith and beliefs instead of trying to sway them in a certain direction.\u00a0There are many families that are united despite their differences. For example, a mother may be Catholic and the father Jewish. By introducing the children to each faith until they are ready to decide for themselves can be beneficial.\u00a0Also, it's not uncommon for views to change as one ages or faces different life experiences. So don't get too discouraged if your child wants to explore different avenues.\u00a0Creating a loving and accepting environment is most essential.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "In particular during family gatherings (such as funerals), where there are different customs."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2045
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling as if you're in a slump. First of all, nothing is wrong with you. Many people report similar symptoms. Have you ever talked with a physician regarding your symptoms? Two extreme emotions such as feeling extremely happy and then feeling extremely low for a length of time may indicate a mood disorder. I think it would be best to talk with your doctor or a therapist to help pinpoint the issue causing them.It's possible that it could just be certain stressors in your life that are causing the two extremities but you definitely want to rule out any mental health issues. If it is in fact mental health related there are many medications or therapy choices that can help.\u00a0Thanks for reaching out! I hope that you will feel back on track soon!", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I don't know what's wrong with me. At times I can be really happy, excited, I'll talk fast, and I want to do things. But lately I've been staying up way later and sleeping too much. I don't hang out with friends, I don't really have them. I feel nothing, worthless. I want to do nothing, I have no interest in anything. \r\n\r\nAll I usually do is stay in my room. I want to be happy, I want to be nice. What's wrong with me?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2046
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Thanks for your question. I'm glad you realize that you need extra support and are being proactive. Simply explain to your doctor the feelings you have been experiencing and how you feel that speaking with a mental health therapist would be beneficial. However,  keep in mind that you do not have to go into detail about your personal feelings. You can simply state that you are feeling down, overwhelmed, stressed, or whatever it may be.\u00a0I'm sure your doctor will be glad to direct you from there.\u00a0Best of luck you you! I hope that you will be feeling better soon!\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm worried I should see a therapist due to past events and current mental status. I'm just so unsure of how to ask my doctor about seeing someone."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2047
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Having this kind of conversation with a doctor can feel difficult.  But remember, you are the expert on you.  Any good medical professional will recognize that.You are absolutely right to think about the importance of being your own health care advocate.  Generally, the best approach is simply to be honest.  Let your doctor know what you are concerned about and tell your doctor what you think might help.  If there is a specific issue that you\u2019d like to address in counseling, let you doctor know about it.  And don\u2019t hesitate to directly ask for a referral.I know this may all feel a little overwhelming.  It might help to bring a family member or significant-other with you to provide support when you talk to your doctor.  It\u2019s great that you\u2019ve already taken this first step to reach out.  You\u2019re on the right track.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm worried I should see a therapist due to past events and current mental status. I'm just so unsure of how to ask my doctor about seeing someone."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2048
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Frequently when working with clients, I utilize the A-B-C model developed by Albert Ellis, the founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Theory. The theory basically states that you can not control an event but you can control your reaction to the emotions associated with said event. For instance here is an example:A (Action or Event): You need to talk to someone and that person is not calling you back.B (Behavior or Response): You begin to tell yourself that this person is too busy for me or I am not important to this person.C (Consequence): You feel depressed.If you look at the model, B has a direct effect on C. The thought is if you change your reaction to A, then C will have a better consequence, such as:A: stays the same.B (this is what you change): This person must be busy, they will call me back when they get a chance or I can call someone else to lean on for support until this person is available.C: Decreased feelings of depression & overall functioning improves.This is just an example but if you actively work to replace the negative thought patterns that effect your behavior, studies show that your overall outlook and mood will improve. If this model resonates with you, I recommend \"Feeling better, getting better, staying better\" by Alber Ellis. In addition, looking for support groups in your area are a great source of support when you are feeling abandoned or alone.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My last relationships have ended horribly. They just up and abandoned me. One of them I have never gotten closure with over it, leaving me emotionally wrecked. I know something's wrong with me but I don't know how to even start trying to better myself.\r\nI get into these depressed like states whenever anyone I care about is too busy to be with me. I know that I shouldn't act like that because people are genuinely busy, but I feel like they're doing it just because they don't want to be around me."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2049
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "That sounds like a very hurtful situation. Unfortunately, without a batterers intervention course or a desire to change, the abuse cycle is unlikely to stop. I do not recommend that you try to leave on your own due that being the most dangerous time when in an abusive relationship. As an abuser, his goal is to control you whether it's through mental or verbal means. I recommend that you contact a domestic violence shelter in your area. I have worked closely with Harbor House of Central Florida and know they provide housing, transportation, and any other needed resources to women leaving an abusive relationship. There is help out there and you are not alone. If you need any additional resources in your area, please don't hesitate to contact me.\u00a0", "response_type": "Validation", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I've been with my boyfriend over 3 years. He cheated on me and the woman is now pregnant. He is physically and mentally abusive towards me. I have attempted to talk with him in order to resolve our issues; however, he never wants to talk and often blames me for everything.\nI\u2019m always there when he needs my help. He tells me although I help him doesn\u2019t mean that I am a good person. He always discredits me as a woman and it\u2019s hurtful. I spend most day crying and feeling lonely. I am unhappy and unsure of what I need to do."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2050
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Thank you for your question. Trust is a huge thing in relationships and when that is broken, or perceived as being broken, it takes a long time to repair. From what you shared, it sounds like your boyfriend took steps to correct the situation and has shown to be trustworthy since. Unfortunately, no matter how much we apologize for something we did or for something others perceive we did, there will always be those with hardened hearts and will not forgive. If you feel confident in your relationship, then trust your inner wisdom. We cannot control others but only ourselves. Respect your families wishes to remain in unforgiveness while at the same time, ask them to respect your wish to believe in him and be in this relationship. Good luck to you.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I started dating a guy I met online. He told me that he registered sex offender but he didn't do anything. He took a plea to always register as sex offender and he did two years. That was more than two decades ago. Nothing on his record since.\nI always believe the past should be left in past. But my roommates, their family and my son are unforgiving. Should I forgive this man that I'm falling in love with or should I dump him? If I stay with him I will never see my family and granddaughter again."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2051
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hey! \u00a0I am so impressed with your efforts to ask questions, to figure out how to change the messages that you hear (and say to yourself), and to get support! \u00a0And it sounds like you want to make some changes in your life! \u00a0Take a walk over to the counseling office at school, the school nurse or consider reaching out to your Pediatrician\u2019s office. You don\u2019t have to have your parent\u2019s permission to seek support for yourself! \u00a0And maybe taking control of your support network will give you the strength to make even bigger decisions about your health! \u00a0I am rooting for you! \u00a0Be Wise!", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "About 3 years ago or so I was skinny, but I was still ugly. I really do want to change that but I've tried 3 times. Now can I try but don't stop. At school I get bullied about my weight and my ugliness and I have been bullied my whole life that I believe them.\nHow can I stop thinking about them and don't let it get in my head? My parents said I don't weight that much but, they do think I am fat but, they tell me I am not. I told my parents that I need to go to a therapist, but they think I am fine and I think they don't want to deal with it."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2052
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hey! \u00a0It takes a lot of courage to share your feelings with someone! \u00a0And it sounds like you have been lucky to meet someone who makes you feel safe enough to explore some of your more painful feelings. \u00a0A big part of the process, however, of strengthening your self-concept is learning how to tell yourself those positive messages that you heard from your friend! \u00a0Leaving for college may also be contributing to your feelings of unsteadiness. \u00a0Try this - Make a list of all of the positive things that you know are true about yourself. \u00a0Ask your friends and family to contribute to the list. \u00a0Then carry it with you in your wallet - and when you need a self-esteem boost, take a look at it! \u00a0You are in a season of life that presents lots of challenges and opportunities. \u00a0Reach out to your long-distance friend when you need support - and take a walk over to the campus counseling center and check out what they might have to offer. \u00a0Be Wise!", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "A few nights ago I talked to this girl I know about my self esteem issues for the first time. We talked for hours and she told me time and again that I was a great guy. She told me I was attractive, and have a great personality, etc. I really started to feel better about myself by the time I woke up the next morning.\nNow, though, I can't stop thinking about her, but I leave to go back to college in a few days and I go to school 4 hours away from her. So now I feel constantly depressed because even if I told her how I felt it wouldn't matter. I feel helpless and I don't know what to do."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2053
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hey!  Sounds like the part of you that knows the RIGHT thing to do won here!  I am so proud of you for admitting that you lied to your Mom!  Sometimes lies come out of our mouths before we can even catch them because we are trying to say what the other person wants to hear.  I bet that, as you begin to show her that you are not going to lie any more, she will begin to gain trust in you again!  Be open with your feelings with you Mom - she is there to support you, guide you and love you!  Give her lots of hugs - and give yourself one too for being so brave!  Be Wise!", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "She cried because she lost all trust in me. Now I feel disgusting and like my heart just got stabbed, what do I do?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2054
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Sustaining passion in marriage is tough stuff. It's a relatively modern dilemma you are facing with perhaps unrealistic expectations of what marriage \"should\" be. It sounds like your definitions of love and sexual passion have merged together, that's both common and confusing! Intimacy and sexuality within your marriage are bound to ebb and flow. Resparking your passion will involve growing. Using your sexual drama and fantasies as windows into discovering your needs (security) and wants (desires). Marriage is a people growing process; you mature into one another and to achieve fulfillment your continued development will be required.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "When having sex I think of other men and want other men all day long. Been married 3 years, together 14. What do you think?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2055
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "To begin with, what's normal for one couple isn't going to be normal for the next, every couple has their own normal and that's important to keep in mind. Your sexual lives will ebb and flow. What I'd be more curious about is the quality rather than the quantity of the sex you are having. I'd also want you both to refocus on building up your little daily moments of connection, I wrote a post about exactly that a while back and you can find it here.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "We make love once per month. Is it normal?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2056
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Conflict is a tricky beast and shows up in every\u00a0one of our relationships.\u00a0What I'm reading is that you find yourself in a loop of \u00a0seeking validation of your thoughts and feelings from your friends rather than validating yourself. Am I right? If you aren't validating yourself, no one else will be able to either. \u00a0Try finding a small nugget of truth in the feedback your friends give you, this will help to lower your defenses and help your friends hear what you are really sharing. \u00a0And then if you are still feeling vulnerable, share that too...\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "In this argument my friends are all against me so I'm wondering if I'm exaggerating my feelings. I feel like I'm being attacked and that is making me blow things out of proportion and taking the role of the victim, when in reality I'm the one being unreasonable and I am simply annoying my reasonable friends. Or are they really being insensitive and not respecting me in our friendship?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2057
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Probably. \u00a0I always tell the new parents I work with (and this is just as true for dads as it is for moms) that if you are feeling off, seek help. \u00a0Postpartum Support International (www.postpartum.net) is a great place to start finding resources and locating support.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I am always down and out. Could this be postpartum depression?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2058
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "If your wife is willing, seek out a qualified couples therapist! Look for one trained in the Gottman Method or Emotionally Focused Therapy. Your relationship is repairable, but you may need some qualified support in the process.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I am married to a beautiful lady. I love my wife with all my heart. We have 3 boys and I have a daughter from a previous marriage. We also have 3 grandchildren.\nNow this event is tearing us apart. I want our family to be together and happy. It was a mistake from so long ago. My wife wants to leave and I don't want that to happen I love her so much. Please help me save my marriage. Even my 3 boys want us to work it out. They love us both and want our family together. Please give me some advice or hope. Sincerely heart broken."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2059
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Being able to accept your partner's influence is a key relationship skill. And it's very two sided. \u00a0Chances are if you don't feel your partner is being influenced by you, they likely don't feel you are being influenced by them either. The best fix you can practice is to soften yourself into your partner and see how much more open you can be to their influence. \u00a0Play with it.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "We do communicate but one of us has trouble accepting what the other person says. How can I fix things?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2060
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "You are newly married, you Have a hectic schedule, your wife is on anti anxiety medication. What if you take the focus (hint: pressure) off of her orgasms and focus instead on connecting with one another. You know, like the gestures you each likely made while dating. \u00a0It turns out that these little moments of connection throughout our days are actually foreplay. Spend a few weeks making a real effort to focus on building up your little daily moments of connection, I wrote a post about this a while back, you can find it here:\u00a0http://connectfulness.com/little-moments/ And have fun with it!\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My wife and I are newly married, about 2 months. We've had some issues surrounding sex, particularly her lack of libido. She's on an anxiety medication, of which diminished libido is a side effect, but I think our issue is also partly one of a lack of intimacy/romance centered around my hectic schedule. Our sex life has suffered as a result.\nTonight she made a genuine effort to let me know she wanted sex, which is a big deal. Once things started, she had the most obviously fake orgasm I've ever encountered. I was honest with her about why, and told her that the most important thing to me in sex was knowing that she was legitimately enjoying it. She responded angrily with a complete denial of the faking. I don't know how to broach this subject and have an honest conversation. I think she will continue to lie to me about faking it which will cause our sex life to spiral further. Please help."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2061
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hello, and let me say first, what a great question!\u00a0There are so many people putting forth their 100% everyday and often times, do not get the credit they deserve. Without being able to fully understand where you're question is coming from, I think there are a couple of different ways to look at this question.First, I think it's important for us to consider the message being sent by those in your life stating that you're \"not good enough.\" Is that ACTUALLY what they said, or is this just what you heard? Sometimes, because of our own self-doubts and fears, we skew and misinterpret the messages we receive from others. Again, listen to the message being sent and attempt to remain objective. Is the message being sent coming from a place of love or concern? If so, have an honest and open communication with that individual about what your concerns are regarding the amount of energy and time you're spending on being \"good enough.\" Explore with them how you feel you'r already giving your best.If the person is unwilling to work at understanding this concern you have, then it may be time to explore the relationship. Some relationships we engage in can be toxic, especially if the other person is toxic. It may be they have their own \"stuff\" going on and they feel the need to constantly put others down to make themselves feel better. If you're in the direct path of this individual, then it serves to reason you will probably be in the direct fire, as well. Explore whether or not you want this relationship to continue in your life. If it's a relationship that MUST continue, then work on what you will do to distance yourself from their toxicity or their problems. Until they're willing to work on these issues for themselves, then it may be necessary to find an exit strategy, such as leaving the room or simply refusing to engage in the conversation.\u00a0Another perspective of this question is exploring the reason why it's important for YOU to satisfy the expectations of these other individuals? NO ONE will ever be 100% \"good enough\" for EVERYONE. Every single person has their own set of expectations in themselves and expectations in others. It would be impossible to satisfy all of those expectations for every single person in our lives.\u00a0The question becomes, what is it WITHIN you that feels the need to meet these expectations? There is most likely a part of you, yourself, as an individual that feels \"less than\" and feels as if you, yourself, are not good enough. It then becomes impossible to every feel \"good enough\" for others, because it's really YOU you're trying to feel good enough for. If you already feel as if you're doing everything you can do to be at your best version of yourself, then really work on LETTING GO of the rest. No one is perfect, and striving for perfection in our lives only creates more anxiety and stress. Find a middle ground in which you are happy with your accomplishments and your daily goals, and learn to let go of what's left. After all, tomorrow is a new day and you can work on more of your goals tomorrow!I recommend doing this by finding a mantra, a statement or phrase you can repeat to yourself anytime you start to feel that sense of stress and pressure from striving for perfection. The mantra can remind you to let go of this expectation you have for yourself or that others have for you so you can also let go of the stress and anxiety surrounding the expectation.\u00a0I leave you with one of my favorite quotes that perhaps you can use as your mantra, \"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. \" - Eleanor Roosevelt.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I'm always told I'm not good enough or trying hard enough. I put 100% in to every thing. I'm worn out, I've worked on all of my family relationships, I'm doing great in school, I'm kind to those in need and otherwise. I stick to my religious beliefs and leave room for mistakes and learn from others so I don't have to make as many and the ones I do I learn from. \r\nSomehow it's still not good enough and nothing I do works. Nothing has changed, and I feel hopeless. Any suggestions or ideas?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2062
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "The feeling of never feeling good enough usually stems from our early relationship with our\u00a0parents or significant role models who made us to feel we were never good enough to meet their standards. In the healing process, you'll need to work on discovering the root source of where these thoughts and feelings come from and then learn to accept yourself just as you are unconditionally. I'd be pleased to help you in this process. I provide online private counseling through proventherapy.com. Dr. Rachelle Vaughan", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I'm always told I'm not good enough or trying hard enough. I put 100% in to every thing. I'm worn out, I've worked on all of my family relationships, I'm doing great in school, I'm kind to those in need and otherwise. I stick to my religious beliefs and leave room for mistakes and learn from others so I don't have to make as many and the ones I do I learn from. \r\nSomehow it's still not good enough and nothing I do works. Nothing has changed, and I feel hopeless. Any suggestions or ideas?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2063
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I'm willing to bet that this isn't what you are hoping to hear, but I'd suggest giving him space. Ooph, that's a tough one, right?! I know. But here's the thing, when you keep trying to process and talk it out with him you keep pushing him away. He needs to feel like a solid and whole person (as you do too) to be able to be fully in your relationship. It's the work of being in relationship to learn this. I get that this is tough stuff. I wonder, outside of being with him, how do you soothe and calm yourself? That's the stuff for you to tune into and focus on right now.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "He's been losing feelings and he doesn't know why. I love him very very much. He sometimes thinks I'm obsessed when I'm not at all. I give him his space and I make sure he's okay but  sometimes I think if me and him saw each other more it would be better?\nI truly want me and him to get better, it's kind of hard not to stress about it, because the love of my life is losing feelings which is a sad feeling. He's a great guy! I just don't know why he's been losing feelings towards me. He's starting to put less effort in talking to me.\nAt this point I'll do anything to just make us better as a couple. I tried talking to him but he doesn't like talking about it much. Advice on what to do?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2064
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "You may be interested in reading my most recent post, Intimacy Begins With You. In it I offer 7 expert tips to help you get started on a path of self connection and discovery. This is important stuff to do in order to work through that stuff that's holding you back from the relationships you desire. You may find that it's especially helpful to do this work with the alliance of a skilled individual therapist.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.\r\nI seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.\r\nI am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2065
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "How you you expressed your regret and taken responsibility for the pain thus far? Repair is a very essential skill in and part of developing healthy relationships. Your love sounds deep, sit with that. Also sit with how she's been hurt. You get to feel your hurt too and your kids. In feeling all this you may also find our way to the repair. If feeling all this is tough to take on, seek out a local therapist to support your process.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I regret ever hurting her and they mean the world to me. But it feels like nothing I do seem to work.\nI'll always love them no matter what and when I'm with them nothing else matters. I love them more then anything. I don't want another guy raising my kids."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2066
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hey, dogs are cool. They adore pleasing humans and often LOVE to work on learning what you want and expect from them.\u00a0Your girlfriend on the other hand, likely has her own desires and needs that she attend to before tuning into yours. You are good with dogs, that tells me that you've spent some time observing their behavior. The first step in working through this issue would be similar, start to tune into and observe your girlfriend more often... Observation is a skill when it comes to relationship building. The skills you have mastered in relating with your dogs can carry over, you will just have to relearn what behaviors you are watching. And keep in mind that also means observing yourself in relationships.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have dog obsession disorder and I am having problems with my girlfriend because I am placing more importance to my two dogs over her. How do I get over this problem and prioritize my girlfriend over my two dogs?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2067
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Well let's start with the awesome realization you've already had, you want to notice that you have triggers. That's huge. Really.\u00a0I find that when people lie, it's most often as a defense mechanism. Which is likely a flag that something doesn't feel safe. What exactly doesn't feel safe could be lots of different things but the key to notice is that it's that feeling of insecurity that is very likely triggering you.\u00a0It could really help to explore this with therapist, perhaps even someone with a trauma specialty -- that's not to say this is related to a trauma but more so to suggest that therapists specializing in trauma are very skilled at helping to identify and assist in repatterning your triggers!\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I find myself lying about small everyday things that there is really no need to lie about. How do I figure out what triggers me to do this? And how do I help overcome this problem? I would like to become more honest and open no matter the situation."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2068
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hello, I do not live in the California area. However, perhaps I could make some suggestions as to where you might look for free counseling. First, I must mention that most insurances now cover for many different types of issues, including family issues. If your girlfriend lives with you, most insurances now cover \"live-in partners,\" as well. If you have insurance, contact your policy provider and ask whether or not couples counseling is included.Aside from insurance, the next place that comes to mind is a religious affiliation. Do you belong to a church or other religious organization? Many of the pastors or leaders in these disciplines have significant training in counseling, as well as assisting with marriage and couples counseling. These services are ordinarily offered free of charge to members.Another option might be to explore support groups within the area. There may be a group in the form of a couples support group that brings couples together to explore their relationships in the safety of the group. If you find there are no such groups in your area, there are anonymous, support groups online. Here is one such site:\u00a0http://relationship.supportgroups.com/\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "We have been fighting a lot and have 3 kids but we both want to stay together. I need some help to save our family."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2069
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Finding the right person is a tricky thing to do. Why did you and your ex break up 3 months ago? In relationships with others you get to see a reflection of yourself.  Sometimes you may enjoy that reflection, other times it may not feel so good. I'm not sure where you are in your life and relationships and what you do from here depends on what you desire more of in your life. But I'm not simply talking in the moment desire, I'm referring to the direction you want your life to go. If one of these guys was to support you...who would help you reach your dreams? And who would you enjoy spending time with? It's complicated and no one can answer the 'what to do' question but you.  Slow down. Tune into your heart. Listen. \u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm currently dating someone else and I really like him. But I love and miss my ex so much. What do I do?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2070
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "The issue at hand here is that you're betrayal broke his trust. In order to repair your relationship you will both need to\u00a0confront the infidelity. And both of you will need to honor yourselves by communicating your feelings and ensuring that those feelings are heard and validated. It would be really helpful to do this work with a Gottman or Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist. Gottman's The Science of Trust and What Makes Love Last would both be helpful reference books to guide you along.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "We kissed and he grabbed my boobs and we exchanged some texts and a few calls. It went on for about 8 months. Just when we were all together and our spouses were out of the room. Once I met him for lunch to tell him that we needed to stop. We ended up kissing after lunch and then I sent him a few more texts that day telling him I was serious and that was the end of it. His wife (my good friend) saw us kiss once and told my husband. I told him a couple of things then and we got over it.\nA year later she told him a couple of other things. Same story. It's been about 3 years since. They are now divorced and my husband and I have been happy. A few weeks ago the wife called me and said that her now ex told her more stuff we did. I decided to just tell my husband everything. We are trying to work things out. But he is having a really hard time believing that he knows all of it. How can I help him believe me?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2071
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Let's just start with acknowledging that trust is huge and betrayal hurts. You're entitled to your feelings; all of them and you need to know that your husband understands you. That said some ways are more effective at rebuilding and repairing relationships that others. I am a big fan of The Gottman Method for couples therapy, especially following infedienity. You can read about this approach in Gottman's books: \"The Science of Trust\" and \"Making Love Last\" and/or you can seek a Gottman Certified couples therapist here:\u00a0https://www.gottman.com/private-therapy/\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Cheating is something unacceptable for me but because we have two daughters I decided not to break up the family.\nHowever, now I am struggling to forget and forgive what happened. I feel like I cannot trust him. Without trust, I cannot stay in this relationship. On the other hand, I do not want my children to get hurt. I'm not sure how to move forward?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2072
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Sounds like your panic is less about loosing the relationship you are in (which by the way doesn't sound like it's meeting YOUR need for connection) and more about being alone. Being with him is serving you, even if the relationship is less than ideal, from being alone. Being alone can be scary. You'd have to face yourself. You'd have to learn to love and care for and cherish yourself. All important skills and tasks in maturing and growing up, but scary none the less. What if...What if you gave yourself permission to be in a relationship with YOU?", "response_type": "Question", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I feel that I need to end my present relationship. He lives three hours away and likes the reassurance of having someone to talk to multiple times per day and seeing me once or twice a month.  I want someone who is more present and more of a life companion.\nLately, he has had a very busy work schedule and I have only seen him a few times in the last 6 weeks. I told him that I can't continue in this way because I constantly feel frustrated and angry and that he is not making the relationship enough of a priority. I also feel it is keeping me from possibly finding the relationship I want.\nWe have been together 7 years. The problem is that I panic and experience anxiety and depression thinking of him with someone else and then thinking I will never meet someone I like. We have gone through this cycle already 4-5 times and I feel it is unhealthy to stay in it, but my aversion to the anxiety and depression I experience upon separation always leads me to reconcile."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2073
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Would you have the same desire to meet this friend if she were a he? If you are concerned that their friendship is a substitute for you when you aren't present,\u00a0talk to him. It sounds like you are concerned that he is building an emotional intimacy with her and spending time doing the sort of things with her that you'd otherwise be doing with him. Help him understand why this bothers you but try to also be open to allowing him to make friends. Is the issue that he hasn't introduced you? Is there another reason you don't trust their friendship?\u00a0", "response_type": "Question", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "He goes out with her to dinner/brunch/movies when we are not together (we live 2 hours apart)."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2074
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "The most crucial key to any relationship is that mutual feeling you hold between you both: that you matter.  Sounds like you are stuck in a cycle of hearing your ex say you don't matter. That's why it didn't work with him btw. He wasn't reflecting to you that you mattered. However it ended, clearly though that's the sentiment that's lingering with you.  So here you are hanging around a new man why is telling you the same message. Move on. You aren't unworthy, you just haven't found a man who is worthy of you!\u00a0To be worthy of you, he must see your worth. Often though before anyone else can see your worth, you have to believe it. \u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm in a relationship, but I feel like I'm always putting more into it and not getting reciprocated. My ex told me that I will never find anyone else, and that's lingering in the back of my mind."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2075
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I would recommend removing yourself from the environment you are in after you have finished eating. A simple walk around the block, calling up a friend and going to visit, or even going to another room in the house can help. If you find that you truly have no self control over food, I recommend attending Overeaters Anonymous; a 12 step group for those with compulsive issues related to food. I hope this helps.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have no self control over food. Most people stop when they've had enough, but I keep eating for the pleasure of it. Especially with sweets - I'm never done eating dessert."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2076
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "With any type of criticism, it is usually best to introduce the topic at a neutral time, ie: when both of you are relaxed, with no current stressors involved, having fun, etc. \u00a0Begin with a non-judgmental reflective comment about a recent bothersome event, as if it were just then crossing your mind (therefore not something you've been consumed with ruminating over - eases the impulse for him to dive straight into defense mode).Then share how you felt at the time of the event. \u00a0Just say when.... I felt kind of hurt / shocked (or whatever the feeling was). \u00a0PERIOD. \u00a0THATS ALL YOU SHOULD SAY. \u00a0Wait for him to respond to your matter-of-fact statement.No matter what his response is, stick to your same message - don't get overwhelmed by trying to rephrase or explain your view as that will likely set you up for continued arguing. \u00a0You can even add, \"I agree I could have misunderstood \u00a0it (event).... I just know it made me feel uneasy.\"Here you give him little wiggle room for a debate.Good luck & I'd love to hear how it goes!", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I know someone who is extremely sensitive to stress and very sensitive to a negative tone of voice. Sometimes during a disagreement he tells me that my communication is having a harmful impact on him. Once he believes I am being negative I can't seem to find a better way of communicating. In fact, it is often a self fulling prophesy because his accusatory manner becomes unbearably frustrating. \r\n\r\nWhat advice might you offer?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2077
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "A rare topic & likely extremely troublesome for you... I would need to have more background information on the two of you before beginning to offer any insight. Feel free to email me.I would also like to add that aside from the reality of whether or not these conversations are actually occurring, as your partner, he should be just as concerned about something that is disturbing you to this level. \u00a0Partners need each others' trust and support, no matter who is right or wrong.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "When I ask him who he is talking to, he tells me no one. But, it sounds like he is holding a conversation with someone. I have even accused him of having a secret cell phone. I ask so much, I feel like I am losing it.  Is he trying to make me question my sanity, or is he talking to himself?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2078
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Generally, the ethical codes only prohibit relationships with clients.\u00a0There are however a few types of counselor-to-counselor relationships that are prohibited by the ethics codes. Such prohibited relationships include those between supervisors and supervisees; between professors and students; or any time the relationship might negatively impact your (or their) clients.\u00a0Lastly, some workplaces have rules against dating coworkers. It would be a good idea to check if there is such a rule that applies to you.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Does this go against any ethical codes? Are there legal ramifications?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2079
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It can be really difficult when someone you care about doesn't feel the same about you. The most important thing to remember is that you can not make her feel a certain way. \u00a0There is nothing you can do to force her to want to be in a relationship with you.In the end, if she \"just wants to be friends\" then she's probably not the right match for you.Remember, every relationship ends - until that last one that doesn't. \u00a0And that is how it's supposed to be \u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "We went out had great sex and I was really liking her. Then one day she says we should just be friends, but I can't stop thinking about her. She's always on mind and I want her back."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2080
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It sounds like you've already learned that just being honest is often the best approach.\u00a0What do you think about telling your mom how you're feeling? \u00a0She might really appreciate it if you also let her know that regaining her trust is really important to you.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "She cried because she lost all trust in me. Now I feel disgusting and like my heart just got stabbed, what do I do?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2081
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Some people simply talk to themselves as a way of processing information. Have you checked in with your husband about this in a non-accusatory way? Something like \"Hey babe (or whatever sweet name you typically use), I'm so curious what that's all about? Do you notice that you are talking out loud?\" Chances are it's just how he thinks things through and is not at all about trying to make you crazy, it's just one of his quirks you'll grow to endear. Early married life is a time full of discovering one another's quirks!\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "However, it seems as though he is really talking to someone other than himself. I have even accused him of having a secret phone. Is he trying to make me crazy on purpose, or is he really talking to himself?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2082
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Sounds like you already see what's amiss. You're looking for fix-er-uppers! When you meet these men they need you. And you're filled by fixing them.\u00a0 And when they are fixed, what do they have to give you? What's your need in relationship? What if you found someone who didn't need fixing?\u00a0", "response_type": "Question", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I keep getting into relationships with men that are in bad situations. I take them on and help them and do all I can and the relationship still fails. How do I learn to not get in relationships with men in bad situations? I see someone in need of help, I jump in. And it is getting me nowhere. I am alone sad and frustrated."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2083
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Grief has a huge impact on us and everyone's reaction is different. The one common reaction however is to shut down and distance ourselves. Her relationship with her grandmother was close, given she took care of her up until she passed. It sounds like she is working through a difficult loss and her ability to connect with you, or anyone else, is likely low right now. Trust what she is telling you and try to be there for her as she works through it. If she finds it too difficult to connect again, a good grief counselor can help her get back on track.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My girlfriend's grandma passed away 5 months ago. They were very close. She took care of her till she died. Things kinda returned to normal few weeks later. Last month it feels like we hit a brick wall. Intimacy fell off. I asked what's up. She says she can't connect with anyone and that it's not me. She used to be very open and expressive. Now she gives short answers and has no interest in sex or any touching.  When we did have sex in the last month, something felt really off. Now I'm very insecure about us and have thoughts of her cheating. She says otherwise, but I don't know. It just feels like something is really off."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2084
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "In general, the answer is no. Depression can not not generally cause PTSD.\u00a0Your question does make a lot of sense, though. Depression is a common symptom of PTSD.\u00a0A counselor in your area should be able to help you what's going on - either feelings of depression, PTSD, or both.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have manic depression and last summer was very very bad. I have recurring nightmares and I avoid anything that will give me a similar feeling as I did that summer."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2085
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Grief is unpredictable and does not fit into rules and stereotypes. Everybody grieves differently, react in their own ways. There can be no expectations about how long, how hard, how easy it will be.\u00a0Furthermore there is no way around it. No matter how much we may want to escape the pain and accelerate the process by doing all the 'right' things we have been told will help with our bereavement, there is only one way: through...The more we allow the pain to go through us, experience it, accept it, acknowledge it, make peace with it, the more we will heal.\u00a0Grief comes in waves but can also feel like a rollercoaster. At first the waves feel like tsunamis, with time they become smaller and more spaced out. Yet every time they catch us by surprise. All the 'firsts without them' after a loved one has passed away, every anniversary, birthday, holiday, are all difficult times.You can not force grief to go away, to heal the wound faster than it needs to take. What you can do though is ride the wave. Go with the flow. Accept the pain. Express it. Talk to your loved one that has passed away. Express your emotions, every single one of them, both positive and negative. Write down in your journal. Take good care of your body, your nutrition, your rest. Grief is very taxing on the body too yet we disregard that.\u00a0Read inspiring books, surround yourself with beauty and things that soothe your soul. Be brave and be open to the world out there, be vulnerable with pride. Try new things you never dared try before. Meet new people. Travel. Hang out with close friends. Ask for help when you need it. Be kind and gentle to yourself.\u00a0The more you chase and wait for happiness, the more it will elude you. The more you stay bravely in your present and do the best you can, being loving to yourself, honest about your feelings and do not try to escape grief, the sooner it will loosen up it's claws and allow you to feel relief and finally heal.One thing is for certain, happiness will be there to it's appointment and it will be when you least expect it!Keep the faith and keep walking, nothing can remain the same forever. The only certainty is change!", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I loved him more than anything. He passed away on our anniversary which was also the day I was going to apply for our apartment. I'm not handling it well. I moved to a new town and started a new life but nothing helps."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2086
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It usually boils down to a lack of self esteem, self love and self acceptance. If for whatever reason the 'scripts' we have been told about ourselves from others, or what we have witnessed as children has become our beliefs about what to expect from life and others, have been negative, it is hard to imagine a different reality for ourselves.If what we have learned and observed in our close environment has not taught us and inspired a healthy self esteem, then we can not know what it is and how it feels like. It is as if we lack the language, the words to define it and the skills to practice it.Putting up with a loved one's drug addiction, their infidelity, lack of respect and esteem, verbal and physical abuse, tend to show and reflect the degree of our lack of self esteem, lack of sense of self worth, lack of belief that we are worth and deserve more from life.Separating was the first step towards reversing this negative situation. Spending time on your own and distancing yourself from your past experiences with him will give you a better and clearer perspective. The fact that you are asking yourself this question, shows that at some level you are aware that something is not quite right. It is just a matter of finding out exactly what it is, how you got where you are now and how to get where you want to get in your life in the future.Working with a therapist/counselor will help you understand the mechanisms and learn how to build a healthy sense of self esteem. Get a good sense of who you are and what you want. And finally design the right strategy and plan of action to achieve your goal, to move on in a healthy manner.You have made the first step, it is now a matter of being consistent in seeking help and doing the work until you achieve what you want. Become who you want to be and create the life you want for yourself.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have recently separated from my husband whom I have been with for 5 years.  Throughout our 5 years together, I have stood by him through 2 affairs, him talking to other women while I was pregnant, his drug abuse and thru verbal and physical abuse."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2087
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "My first question for you would be to see if you've talked with her about it yet? You mentioned you found out....and I know this can be so painful. It can also be frightening to bring up the experience when it hurts a lot, when you feel so unsettled as you mention. But you can look at this as a vital and important piece of information about what's happening in your relationship, and an invitation to get really honest and genuine with each other.\u00a0You have a long history, being together 9 years, and a son, so you are very bonded no matter what changes happen in your relationship. It may be incredibly helpful to find a counselor you can both go talk with. Having a third party who is neutral and cares about your process and hers can be such a relief when you need to discuss things you feel scared about. Even just a few sessions can make a huge difference.\u00a0If this doesn't feel possible for you right now.....ask your fiancee for time to set aside for a meaningful heart-to-heart talk. Say you'd like to set it up on the calendar, and make sure you have a babysitter for your son. Set aside at least 4 hours. Let her know that you'd like to hear her honest truth about what's going on, and share with her your truth as well. It's not a time for criticizing or condemning, and I don't sense that is your intention at all--you have a great deal of love for her. Speaking honestly and listening openly is an amazing gift, both for yourself and for your partner. You can do it.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm in a relationship with my fianc\u00e9 and I currently found out that she's been cheating on me with a co-worker. I was very upset none the less. I understand what she did was wrong, but I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So I'm willing to forgive and move on. We have been together for a little over 9 years, and we have a son. At the beginning of our relationship, I was unfaithful and she caught me cheating. She forgave me for what I've done to her and since then I been completely faithful. I'm worried about our relationship and want to move forward  but its been very unsettling. All I can think about is her with another man. I don't know what to do or where to go for advice?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2088
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hello, I know this is a tough situation your going through and it has you questioning everything but one thing is certain, and that is that you still love her, dealing with the hurt can be very challenging but after learning from your mistake you changed and became more faithful and loving and the comfort knowing she forgave you, is what made you love her more and less likely to hurt her once again. You live and you learn, she will soon realize her mistake and her outtake may be the same yours was. But marriage is a special bond in front of God, which means once you are officially married, cheating and lieing to eachother will only lead to an early divorce. Practice in your pre-marriage state with speaking to her and opening up to eachother about what you feel and what you look forward to in this marriage. It's possible she's seeking something from someone else because she is not receiving it in her own relationship, improve, grow and be strong. Learn from your mistakes", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm in a relationship with my fianc\u00e9 and I currently found out that she's been cheating on me with a co-worker. I was very upset none the less. I understand what she did was wrong, but I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So I'm willing to forgive and move on. We have been together for a little over 9 years, and we have a son. At the beginning of our relationship, I was unfaithful and she caught me cheating. She forgave me for what I've done to her and since then I been completely faithful. I'm worried about our relationship and want to move forward  but its been very unsettling. All I can think about is her with another man. I don't know what to do or where to go for advice?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2089
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Sounds like you need closure. I'm sure your doing your best to overcome this feeling but seem to be struggling with your own happiness. Trust God no one else. Give this some time and don't close yourself off to the world or the people who love you. Be open hearted and minded. And know that no matter what reason your ex walked out of your life, she missed out on how great of a person you truly are and may have had personal issues of her own.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "About 5 months ago my ex left without fully explaining why. For me it seemed out of the blue. I don't miss her as much as I used to but I just don't trust people anymore, not even my friends who I have known since my childhood not even my family. I'm so terrified of being judged or dismissed. Instead of acting like someone else or putting on a mask of a personality, I've just shut down. I haven't felt that sense of comfort and happiness with myself since everything fell apart. I'm scared to because I don't want it to be taken away from me again. I feel like ever lesson I learn only last a day. I just don't know what to do. I'm working at a place I know I should enjoy. I'm keeping up with my creative passions: working out, eating healthy, etc. I'm doing everything the books say I should do, but I don't feel any different. I just don't know what to do."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2090
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Your partners obviously very confused when it comes to love. Sometimes people shy away from good and positive relationships and companionship because their afraid. They know that it's something worth holding on to but most feel they can't handle it and can't meet up to their partners expectations. Your partner loves you but must have fear that keeps standing in his way. It could also mean their afraid of getting hurt or disapointed in the long run. \u00a0Give your partner comfort and reassurance that they can come to you to confide in you about anything that may be bothering them.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Then turn right back around and say he loves me and needs me. This rollercoaster is crazy."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2091
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "\nThat's a\u00a0difficult question\u00a0to answer.\u00a0Dreaming is a normal (and healthy) part of the sleep cycle. The current thought is that we all generally\r\nexperience roughly the same number of dreams - the difference often is just\r\nwhether we remember the dreams or not.An increase in the number or frequency of distressing dreams\r\n(or nightmares) can be a symptom of stress, anxiety, or PTSD.\u00a0 If the dreams are disturbing to you, talking to a local\r\ncounselor could help.\u00a0If the dreams themselves\r\nare not troubling, you may just be remembering them more than most people do.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Sometimes 3 times a night."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2092
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I'm sorry for the stress and unhappiness stemming the problem you describe.Trust your instinct that there is more complexity to feeling good about being in a partnership than simply wanting this to happen.In any relationship, the complexities of each person combine. \u00a0 Often people accept when this feels good and are lost as to what to do when natural human complexity, doesn't match up with our partner in the way we'd like.A couples' therapist would be able to help each of you talk about the factors motivating the cheating, as well as clarify the reasons you each have for continuing to stay together.\u00a0The unique advantage of couple's therapy is that each person is able to hear their partner talk out loud about themselves and their partner.This is sometimes enormously helpful since our inner thoughts are often hidden yet very dominant in how we direct ourselves in relationships.Sometimes the initial consult session offers enough new understanding that a second session wouldn't be necessary for a while.Good luck in finding your relationship happiness!", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm in a relationship with my fianc\u00e9 and I currently found out that she's been cheating on me with a co-worker. I was very upset none the less. I understand what she did was wrong, but I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So I'm willing to forgive and move on. We have been together for a little over 9 years, and we have a son. At the beginning of our relationship, I was unfaithful and she caught me cheating. She forgave me for what I've done to her and since then I been completely faithful. I'm worried about our relationship and want to move forward  but its been very unsettling. All I can think about is her with another man. I don't know what to do or where to go for advice?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2093
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I can relate! When things are going badly, I feel like my life has\r\nalways been and will always be that way. (But I also do this when things are\r\ngoing well. That is, I forget how good things can turn bad. Personally, to\r\navoid this emotional roller-coaster, I try and heed the famous advice by author\r\nand feminist Rita Mae Brown: \"One of the keys to happiness is a bad\r\nmemory.\"So maybe this weakness of your for forgetting is really a\r\nstrength! It sounds a lot like living in the moment to me. And while it\u2019s hard\r\nto manage my past and my future, the moment seems like a small enough piece of\r\ntemporal real estate to sort out. So that\u2019s the \u201cwhat\u201d of my answer. The \u201chow\u201d\r\ngoes like this: Choose one from column A, two from column B, and three from\r\ncolumn C in the following chart. Then try doing them for as long as you can.\r\nThen see what happens.A\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 B\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 CGratitude\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Forgiveness\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 AppreciationExpectations\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Meditation\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ExerciseBitterness\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Distraction\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Volunteering\r\nResentment\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Substances\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 WorryRegret\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Possessions\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 PessimismShame\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Desire\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 SuperstitionRage\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Isolation\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 WishingSelf-loathing\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Criticism\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Withholding\u00a0If you feel as though what you\r\nthink and believe are out of your control, or that your values were imposed on\r\nyou, or that nothing good will ever happen again, then we will have to\r\nrespectfully disagree. You\u2019ve ask a very deep and insightful question, proving\r\nthat your hope has gotten you this far. Hang onto that hope because I\u2019m an\r\nexample of things working out despite my previous way of looking at my life.Instead of \u201cconvincing\u201d\r\nyourself that you\u2019re okay when you\u2019re not, how about calling it \u201caccepting\r\nyourself as okay just the way you are, without judging your okayness.\u201d You\r\nprobably have high standards (perfectionism?) and that\u2019s a thing to talk with a\r\ncounselor about. The opposite of perfect is not horrible. It\u2019s called \u201cgood\r\nenough.\u201dBlocking out the bad things and\r\nforgetting is as natural as eating and sleeping. All the other mammals do it\r\n(except when it comes to life-threatening bad things) so why shouldn\u2019t we? This\r\nmight be called optimism.\nFeeling alone and uncared for\r\nis a worse feeling than being despised. This is good! This means (I suppose)\r\nthat you don\u2019t despise yourself as much as you just don\u2019t care for you (because\r\nwe can often project our own self-beliefs onto others). This is an abstract\r\nconcept that will take some time to get used to. But I have a suspicion that,\r\nwith just a little more self-care, and a little more caring for others, you\r\nmight be better off very soon.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I'm okay when I'm not. I'm always blocking out the bad things and forgetting. I also feel like nobody cares for me and they never will. I feel truly alone."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2094
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Did you take the medication the way the psychiatrist prescribed it? \u00a0Did you follow up with her/him to report how it was going? \u00a0Different medications work differently with different people. \u00a0 It's not always the first one that helps. \u00a0And some of the medications take some time to have an effect. \u00a0Give the doctor the chance to help you.\u00a0I suggest you find a certified CBT therapist to help you examine your thinking. \u00a0www.AcademyofCT.org has listings of the finest CBT clinicians. \u00a0In the meantime, do some \"anxiety fasting\" by taking a few minutes to do something nice for yourself right now. \u00a0I hope you feel better soon. \u00a0~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My doctor thinks that seeing a psychiatrist will help with my depression and anxiety.  Now my anxiety is worse, what do I do?  Writing on here has taken every bit of strength I have left."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2095
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Many people generate intense anxiety with obsessive thinking. \u00a0While the nature of your obsession about the afterlife and eternity appear very powerful and unique to you, the pattern of obsessing about one thing/area is common. \u00a0I suggest that you consider counseling to help you with your anxiety. \u00a0If you are so inclined, there are also medications which may bring relief. \u00a0Obviously, I can't diagnose you from one paragraph, so it would be wise to visit an experienced mental health professional (either a counselor or an MD in your area) to help you with disengaging from your self-destructive thoughts. \u00a0CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, is a very effective counseling approach for obsessive thinking. \u00a0If you'd like a see a top notch CBT therapist, visit www.AcademyofCT.org. \u00a0And of course I suggest you pick up my book, LIVING YES, A HANDBOOK FOR BEING HUMAN, which includes CBT concepts and many more tools which will help with obsession and anxiety.As for believing yourself \"insane\" (or \"crazy\") this is not a mental health term but a legal one (or a slang). \u00a0So as long as you don't commit a crime, no professional can legitimately call you insane or crazy!Take it slow! \u00a0~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven. \r\nWhen I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety. \r\nAm I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2096
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Was either parent abusive or violent toward you?You sound to have suffered emotionally in your relationships since early in life.One point to consider is to strive for moderation in what you offer in relationships.A lot of what you've lived through is extreme, either as victim or perpetrator.If you imagine that apologizing to the custodian for the way spoke to him, would calm him down, do so.At the very least, you'll be actively resolving your guilt over cussing at him, and fear of his retaliation.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "She was raised by her abusive father and his wife. 30 years ago I shot and killed my rapist and was convicted in Louisiana. I lost custody of my daughter and served 5 years. When I was released, she was 5 and didn't remember me. Many many sad memories came from my having to leave her visit after visit, having to leave her in Texas to travel back to Louisiana. She doesn't remember that. I do.\nOver the years, I thought we had developed a close mother daughter relationship. She gave me good reason to doubt that on several occasions but especially last year. I have been cruel to her verbally and to my son who I met years after giving him up for adoption. Last night, I was angry at the world and afraid of God. I drank and cussed out a maintenance worker for not doing his job 4 months running. Now I'm not only feeling guilty for that but afraid of being evicted now. Help."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2097
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "What Makes Love Last? how to build trust and avoid betrayal by John Gottman is a great book for you both to start reading. You may also want to invest some time and energy in couples therapy. It sounds like there is a lack of trust in your relationship, likely a hangover from your beginnings, that would be helpful for you both to work through to truly be able to forgive and move forward.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm in a relationship with my fianc\u00e9 and I currently found out that she's been cheating on me with a co-worker. I was very upset none the less. I understand what she did was wrong, but I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So I'm willing to forgive and move on. We have been together for a little over 9 years, and we have a son. At the beginning of our relationship, I was unfaithful and she caught me cheating. She forgave me for what I've done to her and since then I been completely faithful. I'm worried about our relationship and want to move forward  but its been very unsettling. All I can think about is her with another man. I don't know what to do or where to go for advice?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2098
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Do you want this therapist to have your credit card information?If not, then cancel the credit cards that you believe may now be accessible to this therapist.Therapists are expected to keep very clear boundaries between the therapy work and not have other relationships, such as \"friend\" or \"money lender\" with someone who is their patient.Therapists are never \"friends\" with their patients.Letting you believe that you are the therapist's friend, is a violation of professional ethics and almost definitely, a violation of the Consumer Protection laws in your State.Start by dropping this person as your therapist. \u00a0He has broken too many ethical standards to be worthy of offering therapy.Think over if you'd like remaining friends with this person, whom you describe as lacking integrity and stealing from you.If you need help getting back money from him, then contact the police and talk to a detective about what has happened so far. \u00a0The detective will advise according to the laws in your community and State, whether to file a police report, and what steps are necessary to utilize the Court system to get back your funds.If you'd like doing future patients who may be treated to similar ways by this therapist, a favor, go online and file a complaint with the therapist's Licensing Board.Good luck!", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My therapist is gay so there are no sexual issues here. However, my therapist for six years has made me believe that he cares about me and that we are friends. I have loaned money to him many times, and he always paid me back.\r\n\r\nI had a medical emergency last weekend and I was heavily medicated. I knew that this therapist came into my home and wrote down my credit card information so he could pay back what he owed me, but this therapist dropped me off and never came again.  I don't know what to do."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2099
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I'm sorry for so much stress in your relationship life.In what ways does your boyfriend express his commitment and positive feelings about you, to you?From what you write, you feel more aggravation, stress, loneliness and insecurity, than satisfaction by being in this relationship.Does he care that you don't trust him?Very often people stay in relationships from fear of knowing who they really are. \u00a0The feeling is of needing a partner in a way that is similar to how a fearful child needs staying nearby a parent.My suggestion is to think over how much your sense of need for a partner, may be preventing you from actually seeing the amount of love and investment in your relationship, your boyfriend actually has.These realizations are sometimes painful and frightening to understand, especially if you grew up in a family that largely ignored or didn't adequately nurture you as a child.A therapist for your Self may be a good investment of time and cost in giving yourself a safe and trustworthy space to think deeply about your best interest.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I found messages between my boyfriend and this girl on social media. He was asking her for naked pictures and then hung out with her once, but nothing happened.  I didn\u2019t find out about the messages until last month and that was six months after it happened.  I can\u2019t trust him anymore and I'm just wondering if I ever will. He admitted that he wanted to have sex with her but he didn't. He was only talking with her because he thought we were going to have a break up. My heart is completely broken. I feel like I'm in competition with every girl on the planet for my boyfriend\u2019s affection. I'm afraid that he doesn't like me anymore, but without me he's homeless and without a car. I love him so much. It's been tearing me apart. I don't feel pretty anymore though. I don't feel good enough for anyone or anything. I thought I knew him as well as I knew myself. Then all of a sudden my world was flipped upside down. I'm still trying to figure out which way is up."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2100
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Sorry to hear about the stress in your relationship. \u00a0There is definite value in being clear as you are, about your own emotional investment in your husband and that you expect sexual exclusivity from him as part of the foundation of your marriage.Also positive is your awareness that only your husband is the one who must similarly decide his own standards of being sexually exclusive to you, or not.Whether your marriage can be saved depends on what each person is willing to accept about the other one.Is sleeping with other women the only criterion of what will satisfy you about being together with your husband?Love and care are not enough to make a marriage work.\u00a0Partners need to be able to compromise and cooperate with each other.\u00a0That you care for him definitely intensifies any emotion you feel toward your husband. \u00a0It intensifies any frustration and sadness about the relationship too.Decide how much emotional sadness and hurt you're willing to tolerate and the reason you're willing to do so.From what you write, you are being very generous of yourself and not being reciprocated for this.If your husband doesn't start taking steps toward satisfying your wishes, this may be your time to question your own generosity in waiting for him to do so.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "In 2008 my former husband of 14 years walked away from my life and we've been separated ever since. We have always been together sexually and both have experienced sleeping with others.  I stopped because I wanted my marriage to work out but he did not.  If he stops sleeping with other women, can our marriage be saved? Or should we just part ways?  I still care deeply about him after all that I did and he has done.  But he is seeing someone else on and off for years now.  Will our marriage still be saved if he decides that he wants to try to do so?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2101
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Congratulations on leaving your marriage!It is ok and natural to feel sadness, loss, uncertainty in direction, hurt, resulting from ending the marriage.Possibly what you consider \"pity\" is a combination of these feelings.Be kind and caring toward who you are since you just put yourself through a major separation and need time to clear out the old emotions that connected you to your ex.There is very, very little chance of him helping you since he lacks compassion and empathy.More likely any help he gave would be in order to manipulate you.Maybe for now your server job is ok do you have more time to concentrate on taking care of your emotions.You were a manager once, you can be a manager again when you feel ready for doing so.Good luck!", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I was married to a narcissist sociopath for 10 years.  During that time I was a general manager.  I used to help him financially and in other ways when we were together. But things began to change.  He emotionally and sexually drained me. I lost my spirit. I used to be a very happy person but now I am a loner.  I left him and moved to another state.   Currently, I'm working as a server which makes me believe less in myself. I feel pity for myself a lot but don't know what to do. When I have money problems, he does not help me.  He actually enjoys seeing me have a hard time in my life.  I need help."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2102
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "The ADHD and manic depressive episodes are terms other people told you that you have.You don't have to accept these words to describe who you are.A lot of mental health in our country is about telling people what's wrong with them and giving pills for these so called conditions, instead of helping a person know more about themselves in order to make good decisions.You can be happy because nothing from the outside, such as the names people have used to tell you who you are, can interfere with your own wish to be happy.Others can slow you down because of the self-doubt and hurt feelings. \u00a0No one can take happiness from you, only they can make it harder to find and hold onto.Anger management only works temporarily because it is a surface approach.Think of the reason you are angry. \u00a0This will be better to know so you will be able to address it.Then you will not have anger to manage.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have been diagnosed with ADHD and experienced manic depression episodes.  I have problems with anger management.  Apparently, I also have an ODD, bipolar and split personality.  How can I be truly happy?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2103
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I'm sorry to hear that this has\u00a0happened.\u00a0Counselors are legally\u00a0and ethically required to make sure that they always put the wellbeing of their clients above their own interests.\u00a0In addition, counselor ethical rules, and the laws in just about every state, make it illegal for counselors to take advantage of\u00a0a client financially.\u00a0A counselor borrowing money from a client (even if the counselor\u00a0pays it back) would\u00a0usually be considered to be taking advantage of the client.There are a few options you have at this point if\u00a0you can't (or don't want) to continue to try to contact him directly. You can file a complaint with your states' regulatory board and let them\u00a0know what has happened.\u00a0\u00a0An investigator will then look into the situation for you.\u00a0 Another option would be for you to find a different counsleor who can provide you with an independent and netural point of view to help you figure out how you want to handle this situation.\u00a0 \u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My therapist is gay so there are no sexual issues here. However, my therapist for six years has made me believe that he cares about me and that we are friends. I have loaned money to him many times, and he always paid me back.\r\n\r\nI had a medical emergency last weekend and I was heavily medicated. I knew that this therapist came into my home and wrote down my credit card information so he could pay back what he owed me, but this therapist dropped me off and never came again.  I don't know what to do."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2104
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Trust your intuition that your boyfriend is involved with other people.You gave examples which strongly suggest this.Quite commonly, a person twist someone's words to convince then of having problems in seeing or understanding their own and other's behavior.Your intuition is again working quite well in telling you that your problem is having a boyfriend who manipulates you, not that you're seeing things incorrectly.One way to check if you're totally misreading him, is to examine whether you feel similarly in other relationships.If no one else who knows you tells you that you're crazy, then this strongly points to your boyfriend twisting words so that you feel wrong.Also, a consult with a therapist would clarify the dynamics between you and your boyfriend.A therapist session would also allow you to think out loud in a confidential discussion, what to do with your newfound clarity!", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My boyfriend says I'm nuts. I need to get help because I get an overwhelming feeling that he is cheating on me.  Whenever I try to talk with him about it, he always turns it around on me by telling me what I'm doing wrong. I know that accusing him does not help.  When his whole demeanor shifts towards me, I can't help but think that something is wrong.  Am I wrong for feeling this way?  I try to talk with him to make it better.  I let him know when I am feeling down. But I am not confident in these things. \r\nTwo weeks ago a girl texted his phone 3 times trying to hook up with him.  He texted her back with \"Sorry, I've been working.  I just read your message.\" The girl was trying to get him to call her at a time when he was at home with me.  He texted her back with \"Don't text me anymore.\"  I don't feel like I am way out of the line. But I can't talk with him if all that he will say is that I'm crazy and I need help.  What should I do?  How will I go about checking if there really is something wrong with me?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2105
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi,\u00a0This sounds like a very challenging and upsetting problem - good for you for reaching out! My first thought is, these two adults may have a sleep disorder that could be contributing to the urination in inappropriate places. Since they are adults, and you can't force them to seek treatment, \u00a0you might be able to suggest that there could be an underlying medical issue and advise they speak with a medical provider. . As far as what to do for yourself - set some firm boundaries. Be clear about the expectations of your home. Also include the positive and negative consequences should they decide to address or avoid this issue. I hope this helps you, your family members, and the pets!", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I am having a problem with extended family members who are inappropriately urinating in my home. They are peeing in cat litter boxes, bottles, and directly on floors and in corners of my house.\r\nIs there any literature that supports why such adults would behave this way? This is not a joke. I am trying to understand."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2106
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I have had these many cases, but in situations like this.... If it does get out of hand, the police do need to be involved. Sit down and talk to your husband when he is calm and collective.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Tonight, my husband seemed to put our son down through an incorrect approach. His approach was perfectly wrong. I found myself defending my son. I told him that what he did was not the way to encourage our son.\r\nInstead of watching my husband\u2019s harsh behavior I decided to sit beside my son and, together, we worked on his science assignment in order to encourage him to study. My husband got upset and he was swearing at me. He threatened me. I knew that he was not joking. His words scared me a lot!"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2107
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I'm sorry to hear about being taken advantage of by your former wife.On the positive side, think of how much you learned by going through this very painful time.Maybe you are naturally very generous and caring, to the point of expecting very little from the other person, for example.Consider yourself in a favorable position to not feel like going out right now and meeting a new person. \u00a0\u00a0Your spirit is guiding you to stay put and recuperate from this ordeal, review for any signs you may have been more trusting than merited by the person's behavior.There's a natural flow to what we're able to handle and when we have renewed capacity for new adventures.There's no reason to assume that you'll never trust another woman again. \u00a0The first step is re-building trust in yourself to step into a new relationship. \u00a0 There is no designated time line. \u00a0You'll simply feel more ready than you feel now.Very unlikely that you'd ever place yourself in a similar situation to the one you're currently recovering from.Good luck!", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "How do I ever trust another woman? I have found myself constantly reading between the lines with every other woman that I meet. I am having a difficult time making any sort of connection to anyone because of her deception and willingness to say and do literally anything in order to control my emotions.\r\nOnce the \"relationship\" was over, she became extremely abusive and has attempted to intimidate me into silence regarding the many false claims made on her immigration application."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2108
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I am less concerned about this man as bisexual and having gay friends, than about how you feel is treating you. \u00a0You are in a vulnerable position because of social isolation. \u00a0If you have friends to talk to, please reach out. \u00a0While this man has money, it is not his job to take care of you financially unless the two of you have decided that together. \u00a0It sounds like he sometimes cares for you and other times you feel disrespected. \u00a0I would suggest you look for a man that is consistent in his love and care. \u00a0This is not your fault. \u00a0But you are in control of removing him from you life or choosing not to because he meets some of your needs. \u00a0Take care.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I am currently living in a hotel and I don\u2019t have a family.  I met a guy a month ago.  He is a bisexual.  He has a lot of gay friends on social networking sites. He would not help pay for the room.  When I asked for the TV remote control, he threw it elsewhere and asked me to get it. I slapped him and asked him to leave my room.  We recently just got back together.  One time I was sick.  He came to visit and feed me but left no money.  Then he texts me and brags about his house and car knowing that I have struggles living at a hotel.  He says that he has a whole house where he can put me in and orders me to text him whenever I need someone to have sex with.  He left his bath soap so he could come and get it.  I think that he is trying to find a way to come back.  Please help me.  What\u2019s going on?  I am a good, loyal woman.  Why is he treating me like this?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2109
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "You're not wrong for wanting to be with your boyfriend of three years who is also the biological father of your child.Do your parents object to you and your boyfriend continuing to see each other in person? \u00a0Or, do they object only to electronic communication and don't want him involved in his child's life?\u00a0Ask your parents what their reason is for forbidding you to communicate with your boyfriend. \u00a0Ask them also to understand your point of view.Now is also a good time for you and your boyfriend to plan whether and where you will live as a family and how to financially and emotionally support one another once your baby is born.Your mom and dad are definitely making fatherhood difficult for your boyfriend and motherhood stressful for you.Consider bringing up the topic during your next obgyn visit. \u00a0Your doctor may ask your mom to explain her reasons and address these.Look online for women's resources to see if there are clinics or agencies that would help you advocate for your position in this matter.Good luck with the remainder of your pregnancy, labor and delivery!", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I\u2019m a senior high school student. I\u2019m also five months pregnant. I got pregnant by my boyfriend of three years. My parents don\u2019t want us to communicate with each other. He can\u2019t even come to visit my gynecologist. My mom goes to attend all of my doctor\u2019s appointments. She\u2019s supportive of me. I wish, though, that my boyfriend was next to me and be able to see his daughter on a sonogram, at the very least. My family does not understand that he deserves that much. I cry all the time because I feel lost and hopeless.\r\nI need guidance and I believe that you can give it to me.  Am I wrong for wanting him around? Are they right for keeping him away from the appointments and not letting us communicate with each other even though we are the parents? I do everything that they ask of me. I just want him to be around. When I ask my parents to let him be here, they call me a selfish person. Please help me."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2110
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Wonderful! \u00a0I am so excited for you. \u00a0What a huge decision. \u00a0I am writing from Toronto Canada so it is hard for me to direct you specifically. \u00a0I would start with two things 1) Find a doctor that is comfortable perscribing hormones and 2) find a Counsellor or Therapist that is transgender specialized. \u00a0They will know how transitioning works in your health care system and other supports as well. \u00a0Google is a wonderful way to find these resources. \u00a0 I wish you well. Thanks for writing!", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have always wanted to have a transition from male to female for some time now.  This issue has persisted for 10 years already but I don't know where to start.  I do not have the soundest information either."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2111
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "The thoughts you are having are just thoughts. \u00a0Not actions. \u00a0It is your choice whether you act on these thoughts. \u00a0If you decide to explore having sex with adults of different genders that is great. \u00a0If you find yourself obsessed with sexual thoughts,\u00a0you may want to see a cognitive-behavioural therapist. \u00a0Take care.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "How do I stop those thoughts?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2112
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Gender is personal thing. \u00a0There is not just boy and girl. \u00a0It is ok to be a boy and feel feminine and date women. \u00a0It is also ok to be a transgendered women and date women. \u00a0Have fun with it and feel it out. \u00a0What is right for you?\u00a0", "response_type": "Question", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I feel like I would be more comfortable as a girl even though I still like girls. I think I'm like a girl stuck in a guy body. I imagine myself as a girl too. I think this more because my friends say that if I was a girl I would be a hot looking one. And I don't care about having boobs or anything. I just feel like the way that I do act will make more sense if I was a girl."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2113
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "First of all, I am sorry that you have been missing out on your childhood. It may help you to know that many of us feel that we have missed out on our childhoods, as well, and that despite such deprivations, for many of us, our adult lives have been extraordinarily fulfilling due to our opening up to trusted adults. I recommend that you find a trustworthy adult to talk to. This may be a teacher, a coach, a school counselor, a minister, a family member, or a friend's family member. If none of these are available, try out a professional counselor, social worker, psychiatric nurse practitioner, psychologist, or a psychiatrist. It is best to get a referral for such a professional from a peer who has had a positive and safe experience with a particular provider.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn\u2019t believe me, then my mom goes along with my dad and acts like she doesn\u2019t believe me either. I\u2019m a pansexual, but I can\u2019t trust my own parents.\r\nI've fought depression and won; however, stress and anxiety are killing me. I feel that my friends don't listen to me. I know they have their own problems, which I do my best to help with. But they don't always try to help me with mine, when I really need them. I feel as if my childhood has been taken from me. I feel as if I have no one whom I can trust."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2114
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "My gut says that your own rage is being triggered partly because you feel trapped or shutdown by your fiance's moody/angry/rage responses and powerless to stop it. You can start by accepting that this is who he is and you won't change him. You can only change your own behaviours, and I see you taking responsibility for those, which is great. You want to protect your girls, and that's appropriate; children are greatly affected by this type of home environment. I urge you to see a therapist so you can understand your own emotions and sort out the choices you have to make, knowing that your fiance has to make his own choices about his behaviours.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I been having anger problems a lot lately. It only takes one word wrongly said to set me off. I use to not be like this until I got with my soon-to-be husband. I think his mood and rage/anger problems have rubbed off on me a lot. I don't get nearly as bad as he does, but I yell almost constantly and I can't seem to just stop. I have two young babies that have to hear this, and I don't want my girls growing up with a mommy like I have been lately. I just don't know how to get back to my old self."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2115
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "In a way, yes, you have separation anxiety. It's normal in a relationship for us to slow down a bit with the attachment behaviours that establish and deepen love and connection. So, just because your boyfriend isn't talking as much or keeping you up-to-date doesn't necessarily mean what you fear it means...that he's forgotten about you or loves you less. It could mean quite the opposite...that he's focused on being successful in his new job and impressing you. He may think he's loving you more, but you feel loved less. You have two jobs to do here. The first is to manage your anxiety by \"talking back\" to the thoughts it puts into your head. It sounds like \"It's normal to be insecure, but I have tons of evidence that he loves me and that I mean the world to him...\" Find that evidence that helps you refute what anxiety is trying to claim. The second part of your job is to let him know what you need. You need more affection and connection during this period when he's away (more texts, phone calls, information). It's okay to want that, and I am sure he will be relieved to know exactly what he can do to help you feel secure and calm when he's away.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year. He recently got a new job and travels a lot. I\u2019m not used to him being gone all the time. I feel as though he has forgotten about me because he does not talk with me as much and doesn\u2019t keep me up to date on everything that he does throughout the day, which he used to.\r\nI feel lost, sad and unwanted. This is really a tough new challenge. I just want to break up with him, but I love him so much. I don\u2019t know why he is acting this way lately. I believe I have separation anxiety. Is there anything that I can do to help me cope with this while he is out of town?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2116
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi. I'm glad you wrote. In general, when a small thing bothers us (and this happens to all of us), it's because the small thing triggers an emotion in us that we have felt \"too much\" or \"too intensely\" in the past, and we don't know how to manage that emotion effectively...we just want to avoid it as quickly as possible. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy with a qualified therapist can help you to understand what is being triggered in you and learn how to manage emotions productively. You say that your behaviours are self destructive, and I agree. It sounds like you have developed a habit of channelling your distress towards self-harm, and this is a separate and potentially more serious problem. This is a choice you make that points to shame being an issue for you. Again, a good therapist can help you learn what's behind your shame and self-harm. Your feelings are normal, and you can learn more healthy ways to deal with them with qualified help.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm a teenager. I get random spurts of anger, like complete, pure rage. I figured it was hormones, but others notice it too. I get self-destructive. I used to cut but stopped. Now when I get mad, I bite my arms and fingers, pull my hair, scratch my face, or punch my thighs. Basically, I do things I can hide instead of breaking anything in my room and having to explain it to my mom. I don't live in a bad household. I have a great family, a great relationship with my boyfriend, and a good job. I have no idea what this is and I don't know how to control it. It's over any little thing. Tonight, it was because I couldn't get my earrings out. This happens maybe two to three times on a good week, and it's always over stupid, petty things."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2117
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "The general prognosis for anyone is good, so long as they have faith in their own ability to find the goodness in life.From what you write, the professionals may have so much focus on the drugs they give you, that they have forgotten that you are a human being who has interests, opinions, feelings and thoughts.The list of drugs you write sounds too long for anyone to reasonably need.My best suggestion is to find a therapist who does talk therapy, not drug therapy.Discussing your fears and anxieties in a protected, professional, confidential space, sounds like the first step to helping you believer your own conclusion about your well-being.Taking a lot of drugs creates self-doubt and weakens the sense of self that people naturally have.My wish for your future is to regain trust and confidence in yourself as a person, not a diagnosis who is told to take a lot of pills.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Current medications are: topamax, ativan, brintellix, lamictal, restoril, abilify, tx: long term dbt, cbt"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2118
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Wow that is tough. There is nothing worse than fearing abandonment when you are already struggling with depression. It sounds like you are still wanting to work through whatever challenges you and your husband are having but your husband may not be on the same page. I would encourage you and your husband to seek professional support if you haven't already. While depression can put real strains on a relationship, relationship problems can lead to or contribute to depression and there may be some real benefits to both of you in doing some couple therapy. With that being said - if your husband is not willing to do therapy or is clear that he wants the relationship to end, then I can't see what choice you have but to \"respect his decision\" as you mentioned. This doesn't mean that you have to feel okay with the decision - as I'm sure you wouldn't - but ultimately loving one another and staying in committed relationships is a choice that we each have to make. If he is wanting to leave - this could make things a lot tougher for you. I would encourage you to seek professional support for yourself and reach out to lots of friends and family. You do not need to face depression alone - nor should you have to. We all need support at tough times like these.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "He said he would try and he never did. It's been nine months, and this is making me worse. Today, he said I have to respect whatever decision he makes. Is that true? Am I supposed to respect the decision to leave because he can't handle what I'm going through and leaves me here crying and worried every night? He's constantly changing his mind on if he wants to work it out."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2119
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Your son is showing signs that he's just not ready to be toilet trained. You don't say how old he is, so I'm not sure whether the problem is deeper, but right his fears may reflect that right now he is simply be not ready to take that step. Pushing him at this point could worsen the problem, so I suggest pulling back the expectations, waiting a month or two, looking for more signs of readiness and trying again. In general, teaching children to use the toilet works best when \"mistakes\" are handled calmly and when parents pay close attention to cues that the child is responding positively.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My toddler is having a real hard time with toilet training. He almost throws up every time he sees his poop. He gags and will not go on the toilet. We have tried a toilet chair and ring that goes on the big-boy toilet, but he refuses to use it. When he sits on the toilet, he just sits there forever and only will pee. He holds the poop in until he get up and then will poop in his diaper. I dump his diaper in the toilet and let him know that it is where it goes to try to encourage him. How can I help him get over this fear and passed the stress?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2120
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "This sounds really difficult and I can understand your motivation to get to bottom of why this behaviour has occurred - especially if your husband (who sounds like he is an ex-husband?) continues to have a relationship with you and your children. With that being said - relationships and mental health are very complicated and you are unlikely to find the answers you are looking for. In order for someone to be diagnosed with a mental illness or in order for them to identify what leads them to fall into particular patterns in relationship - they would need to be willing to seek help and honestly talk about their challenges, something that you say your ex is not willing to do. \u00a0While it might be a relief to understand what is going on with him - it might be more comforting for you to get support for yourself in processing your feelings and everything that has come up for you as a result of his choices.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My husband and I would've been married for five years come June 2016. Our infant daughter just had her birthday. Shortly before, he told me he wanted a divorce. He has four other children, three of which are from his first wife. He decided to end that marriage when his youngest was an infant. The children do not have a good relationship with him now. He has another child from a woman he was dating. He decided he didn't want to be with her anymore when the child was an infant. \r\n\r\nIt seems to me that there is a pattern. He easily detaches from relationships at the same time in the child's life but wants a relationship with them when they are older. I've tried to research online, but I'm not getting any answers. He also has an unhealthy dependency on alcohol and does not believe in mental health disorders such as depression and bi-polar disorder. He also does not believe in therapy or seeking help from professionals. Is there a detachment disorder or some form of mental block he could have? Where do you recommend researching this?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2121
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "While anxiety can come about for many reasons, trauma is definitely one of the factors that makes anxiety a possibility both immediately following a traumatic event and later in life. When we have experienced such scary violations of our bodies - we may experience residual effects of fear for many years to come. This is normal, natural and in many ways helpful - at least initially. This fear is in some way a sign that your body/mind is taking good care of you - trying to keep you on your toes in order to protect you from anything terrible happening to you again. However, as it sounds like you know, anxiety feels awful and there are certainly ways of learning to reduce anxiety. In order to get the tools you need to manage anxiety and also understand where it comes from and how it works in your life, I would encourage you to seek professional help and check out anxiety resources online. \u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I was raped repeatedly when I was younger. I told my parents and action was taken, but now that I\u2019m an adult, I suffer from extreme anxiety."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2122
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Not liking someone is not cruel - even if it is a family member. There is nothing wrong with you for not liking your sister. Some people are fortunate to have siblings that they get along with really well, other don't. We all have different personalities and we are not going to like everyone - even if they are related. In fact, sometimes being related makes it harder because you know all of each other's flaws and imperfections. With that being said - it may be worth it to make an effort to talk about the things that get in the way of having the kind of relationship that you might ideally want with your sister. Sometimes it is hard to like someone if we have a lot of old frustration and resentment and being able to talk about it in a constructive and kind way can lead to more understanding and respect, and sometimes actually liking each other.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I don\u2019t love my sister. I would never wish her harm, but if I could, I would wish for us not to be related. Is this cruel? Why must blood mean we have to be friends? Am I being unreasonable and is there a way to fix this? I do care about her, like I do every human being, but I\u2019d rather be with my friends than be with her at all. It\u2019s not just a \"teenager phase.\" I still love my mom and dad, and I\u2019m very close to them. However, it\u2019s my sister I don\u2019t love or have ever really liked at all."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2123
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "You might be surprised how normal you are. Anxiety is incredibly common and while your particular type of existential anxiety might be unique to you - it is very difficult for most people to really comprehend what happens after we die - regardless of the religious or philosophical belief systems we hold. It is the ultimate unknown and some philosophers and psychologists believe that at the root of our day-to-day anxieties is the fear of death or fear of the unknown. \u00a0Just as it can be really hard to comprehend the ending of life it can also be hard to comprehend an eternal existence. What these both have in common is that we are imaging a future that is ultimately unknowable and this unknown can provoke a lot of anxiety.\u00a0Mindfulness based practices like meditation - maybe there is something like this in your religious tradition - can be very helpful in making peace with the unknown in the present moment. The more we can learn to live in the moment - the less we get hung up on anticipating outcomes for our lives that may never come true. Mindfulness practices can help you ground, be where you are , relax and regulate your nervous system so that you are able sleep and recuperate, and train your attention to focus on living the life you want to live now - rather than worrying about what happens after you die.\u00a0Having said all that - it can be profoundly helpful to speak with someone about your anxiety - especially when you feel haunted by it, worry that you are crazy and can't get to sleep. There are lots of good therapists out there who can help you with your anxiety.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "Sometimes I can't stop thinking about life after death. I was raised in a religion that teaches that we will live on forever either in hell or in heaven. \r\nWhen I think of living forever (even if it is in heaven which should be good), I feel overwhelmed. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever. Sometimes I just can't get the thought out of my mind and the thoughts lead to panic and anxiety. \r\nAm I crazy? I don't think these thoughts are normal."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2124
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I am very sorry to hear about your rapes. \u00a0Traumatic events, such as rape, can have some lasting effects. \u00a0Issues with sex drive are one of these effects. \u00a0Therapy can help to decrease the impact that traumatic events have upon our lives as we process through some of our experiences. \u00a0 EMDR can be a particularly effective modality of treatment to address this issues. \u00a0I would also encourage you to have an honest conversation with your wife about this concern. \u00a0Sometimes it is helpful to have that conversation with a therapist so that the therapist can help educate \u00a0your wife in regards to effects of trauma. \u00a0This may help her understand that your feelings are more about the trauma and less about her as a person. \u00a0Best of luck to you! \u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I was raped by multiple men, and now I can't stand the sight of myself. I wear lingerie to get my self excited enough to have sex with my wife."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2125
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hello Utah, thank you for writing with your question. Sexual assault or sexual abuse is a very traumatic event that affects victims in many ways. Your difficulty in feeling sexually engaged and your description of the shame and self-loathing you feel are normal responses to the rapes you experienced. A good therapist can help you to process your traumas and understand that you did nothing wrong to cause the rapes; the shame is not yours. It takes a very patient and loving partner, but you can make progress towards a healthier sexual relationship with your wife. These are issues that I cannot address more fully here other than to recommend that you seek the assistance of a qualified professional.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I was raped by multiple men, and now I can't stand the sight of myself. I wear lingerie to get my self excited enough to have sex with my wife."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2126
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I'm truly sorry to hear that your relationship is causing you such distress at this time.\u00a0When we are in relationships, trust is so integral to our satisfaction within the relationship. \u00a0Often, when we feel we are required to prove ourselves, feelings of resentment can replace those feelings of wanting to be supportive. \u00a0In situations like this, I often recommend being open and honest in your communication with your partner. \u00a0Your fears about his response are valid, as he made an assumption which you cannot disprove because you cannot battle against a shadow fact.\u00a0If you feel comfortable doing so, you can always ask him why he is so concerned you are unable to remain faithful and challenge those beliefs with the facts that disclaim them. \u00a0You can also ask your partner what it is that he needs from you to help you to help him trust in your responses. \u00a0In the end, these are issues that you cannot conquer for him - you can only guide him and show him the path towards trust. \u00a0You may suggest couples counselling or that he seek out a professional to talk to, as well. \u00a0But in terms of your question, only you can decide whether you feel you can remain in a relationship in which you defend yourself against an uncommitted offense.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My ex-boyfriend and I met over a year ago. We hit it off and fell in love pretty quick. However, he has trust issues and assumed I was cheating. When I found out I was pregnant, we had just broken up. Five months later, I lost the baby, and we did not speak for a few weeks. Now we are talking, and he says he loves me but is afraid I will hurt him \"again.\" I just want to know where to go with this because I love him so much, and I want to get back to us being happy and a family."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2127
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Attention is not equal to love and being valued. It may be precisely because your brothers demand so much more your mom's attention through fighting with her that she pays more attention to them. It is a common situation in families where the \"squeaky wheel gets the grease\" and the siblings or family members who don't demand as much attention end up feeling invisible. It sucks to feel invisible and it is important that there is attention for you and that you know how much your mom loves and values you. \u00a0This sounds like an important conversation to have with your mom and if she is not able to really understand or help you address this concern you may want to suggest doing some family therapy where a skilled therapist can help you and your family work this out.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "She treats me like I'm not in her presence. She\u2019s always yelling at me for no reason. She gives more respect to my brothers than me, but only my brothers fight her while I respect her."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2128
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Ouch. Losing someone you love hurts so much. We all long to be loved and to love and to have that experience and then lose it is awful. While it is easy to feel angry or start doubting yourself under these circumstances, I would encourage you to recognize the agony of what you are experiencing as an indication of how much you value loving relationships and how much you want to make this happen in your life. When we are going through this kind of loss it is really helpful to have the support of friends and family. While no one is going to be able to make it better, we don't have to be alone with our pain. If you are not comfortable with going to those in your life it may be a good time to see \u00a0a counsellor to help you cope with your distress and learn how to move past this and find the love that you are looking for.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "After 25 years, I fell in love for the first time. The person acted for a week and left me without even saying goodbye. My heart is burning, and I can't take this pain."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2129
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "As social creatures, we humans all long for deep human connection. To know that we belong and are part of something larger. It is so important to us that when we feel alone - it can feel almost unbearable. You are not alone in feeling alone. While it can take time to build deep relationships there are moments in each day where we have the opportunity to interact with other people who may also feel lonely and scared and want to be seen and acknowledged. I wonder what it might be like for you if you took on an experiment of trying to really see the people around you and make little attempts to acknowledge and connect with them - fellow humans on this journey of life. A \"good morning\" at the bus stop or really looking at the person who you buy your groceries from or thanking or complimenting someone for something that you notice and appreciate. While this is not a substitute for close relationships these moments of real connection with the people who we share our communities with can go a long way to realizing that we are not as alone as we may have thought.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I feel like I'm trying to convince myself that I'm okay when I'm not. I'm always blocking out the bad things and forgetting. I also feel like nobody cares for me and they never will. I feel truly alone."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2130
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi,\u00a0First and foremost, I want to acknowledge your efforts to gain (your) ideal erectile function. If the medications are not working and you have taken them as prescribed, I would encourage you to seek the help of a sex therapist as the dysfunction may be due to a psychological and/or relational issue rather than a physical/medical one.\u00a0As for your question, only you can answer this. Is it OK? Are you OK with her sleeping with others? Have you thought through what this may look like, feel like, become for you and her? Opening up a relationship is a choice only the people in\u00a0the relationship can answer. Even then, the answer may change at any point by either of you.\u00a0I encourage you to also determine what the intention is underneath your telling your girlfriend she could sleep with others. Be clear with the intention and then together have continuous conversations about the expectations of opening up (i.e.: are there any kinds of sex that is off limits, areas of the body where touch or intimacy is not allowed, are uses of safer sex required or not, do you want to know the details or not, so forth). An excellent resource would be the book \"Opening Up\" by Tristan Taormino.\u00a0I wish you the best of luck!Dr. Lily Zehner, MFT-C", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I am currently suffering from erectile dysfunction and have tried Viagra, Cialis, etc.  Nothing seemed to work.  My girlfriend of 3 years is very sexually frustrated.  I told her that it is okay for her to have sex with other men.  Is that really okay?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2131
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi. I appreciate your mature instincts and strong efforts to draw clear boundaries in this very complex situation. I agree that it sounds like the adult drama is unnecessary and potentially will affect the children.\u00a0Children need adults around them to act maturely, cooperatively and peacefully even when they don't like each other; it helps them feel secure and lets them focus on learning and growing. Your ex-boyfriend\u00a0seems more focused on his own needs. In fact, he demonstrates behaviours that are aggressive, controlling and manipulative, bordering on 'parental alienation'. I agree this is a problem.I also appreciate how protective you are of yourself at this vulnerable time with the pregnancy. It's not unusual for pregnancy to trigger a need to conserve energy and reduce stress. Honour this instinct you have.\u00a0I will suggest a few things to you. First, to gather support around you, professionally if you need it, from family and friends, and certainly from your husband. If you two are on the same page regarding the children issues and your ex, that will help. He can help run interference when it comes to his daughter. It will help you feel supported.Know that your ex's behaviours aren't happening because you did anything wrong; it's the way he operates (and maybe this is why you're not with him?). You can't change him, but you can stop blaming yourself for his immaturity and aggression. You're correct that he will always be there, and you can both accept this fact and also find ways to manage the situation.Keep on defining clear boundaries! You might sound like a broken record (\"You'll have to talk to my husband about that\"), but that's okay. It's okay to ignore his efforts to pull you into an argument or power struggle. It's okay to not respond to texts or other communications that aren't vitally important. It's okay to not let him into your house if it makes you uncomfortable. It's okay to not engage with him more than is necessary.Regarding his manipulative behaviours that reflect a tendency to keep your daughter from you, I recommend you document these behaviours and incidents carefully and fully. Let him know what your expectations are, simply and clearly and in writing (\"our agreement states X, and you are not following our agreement\"). Your daughter doesn't have to be aware; I think you already understand that she needs to be protected from the adult conflict.A professional therapist can help you with all of this. I hope this helps get you started towards greater peace, at least within yourself. :)", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I am constantly having problems with the same two people who will always be in my life. I had a daughter with my ex-boyfriend. I am now married, and my husband\u2019s ex-girlfriend is involved with my ex-boyfriend.  They also have a daughter together. My issue is that there is always drama. I am pregnant, and I told my ex-boyfriend that I don't want any drama or arguments. I want to get along as much as possible, and he agreed. However, we just had an incident where my ex-boyfriend started discussing drop-off details about my stepdaughter. I told him that he needed to ask my husband because I can't make decisions about my stepdaughter regarding the matter. That led to an argument. I told him all my concern is when I pick up my daughter. My stepdaughter\u2019s pick-up details are between my husband and his ex-girlfriend. I especially told him I didn't want to be involved. Somehow, he turned it around and then wanted to change the schedule we agreed on. He threatened me and got ugly because I wouldn\u2019t discuss my stepdaughter\u2019s matters with him.\r\n\r\nThe point is there is so much drama. I try my best to get along with everyone. I don't understand where I went wrong (besides replying back to his question). I feel like I'm going crazy because this is a constant battle where everyone\u2019s frustrations are taken out on each other, and it's the children that are hurting. I had a party planned for my daughter\u2019s birthday, and my ex-boyfriend told me to cancel those plans because he wouldn\u2019t let me have her. In my eyes, it\u2019s the child that is hurting. I was throwing a party for her birthday, and because of the problem with stupid pick-up details about my stepdaughter, which I have no control over, he took it out on our daughter."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2132
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "If you're in a relationship and you're having strong thoughts about someone else, it's important to pay attention to that. Although you say you're happy, I'd suggest looking really carefully at the relationship you have and whether you're getting everything you need. Is there a physical connection with your ex that you don't have with your current boyfriend? It could be that your boyfriend is marvelous in many areas, but that you just don't feel excited about him for some reason. That's a pretty important element to be missing.It may be that, even if you are happy with your current boyfriend, you still hold something special for your ex. If you feel the need to see what is possible there, I think you have to tell your boyfriend about that and end it with him first. You can't have everything.If you truly feel that you want to be with your current boyfriend, you will do well to stop thinking about and focusing on your ex, because thoughts of him will interfere with the growth of your current relationship. The grass isn't greener... A therapist can help you to focus your energies and thoughts on the present, rather than an imagined version of the past or future.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Every once and a while, I think about my ex-boyfriend from four years ago, and my current friend. It\u2019s like I can't get past it, and I need some kind of closure. I keep thinking about how we had something, but it got cut off due to parental intervention. Nothing was ever wrong with it. Now we've become friends, but there's this huge sexual tension between us, or at least I feel it when we're physically in the same place.\r\n\r\nTwo summers ago, we saw each other casually for a while, but we never had sex then or while we were dating, which was only for two months three years ago. I'm now in my 20s, and my current boyfriend is amazing and in his 30s. Despite the age difference, I know we're a really good match. We've never really fought and are able to make compromises and talk everything out. I tell him everything. Also, my ex-boyfriend has a girlfriend now as well. He\u2019s been seeing her on and off for the past two and a half years, besides when they broke up and we had our casual thing. That summer, I told him I didn't want anything serious and broke it off. Only a week later, he had gotten back together with his girlfriend. His girlfriend is kind of mean spirited. I'm sure she may be different around him, but I worry about him committing to her in the long run. They're supposed to move in together soon. But still, I feel this connection with my ex-boyfriend, and I feel like he does too. \r\n\r\nI don't know what to do. I need some closure or I'm not going to be able to move on from this. I don't know what it is, but it's driving me crazy. I\u2019m so happy with my current boyfriend, and I know he will do everything in his power to make my life beautiful and fulfilling. He\u2019s such a good person. I also know my ex-boyfriend smokes marijuana and does other things, but I can't get it out of my head. I'm trying to take a nap right now between classes, but I can't sleep because my mind is racing. I've never been so hung up on something for this long ever.\r\n\r\nI want to just talk it out with my ex-boyfriend, but I don't know if that's a good idea because of the possibility that it could blow up in my face. If he told his girlfriend, everything could go wrong because she hates me. If my current boyfriend knew, he would be crushed. On one hand, I want my ex-boyfriend to say no to having feelings for me, but I would be terrified of what to do if he said he has feelings too. Where would I go from there? On the other hand, I feel like I can't move forward in my relationship with my current boyfriend without closure from this. Sometimes I wish I could just cut off everything that had to do with my ex, but I don't want to.\r\n\r\nPlease help me, because I really have no idea what to do."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2133
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi, Newark. It sounds to me like your husband is going through something, and I think you understand that. You might feel very helpless, sad, and disrespected at the same time. He's changed.\u00a0It's unfair for him to blame you for his emotions. His mood issues are about him, not you, and he's either not recognising that or not taking responsibility for it.\u00a0Are you respecting yourself here by drawing appropriate boundaries? You can let him know when you feel disrespected, and what's not okay with you.He may be experiencing depression, which often shows up as irritability in men. It could be that he's not telling you something, or he's unaware of his emotional processes. You can try a \"I'm really worried about you. You don't seem happy and I don't know how to help you. Some things are happening that aren't okay with me. Will you see a therapist?\" approach. Perhaps you could go with him the first time?\u00a0\u00a0It's about a combination of compassion, self-respect and seeking professional help, I believe. I wish you well.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Every time I speak, he says I anger him. Also, when he\u2019s mad at something, like work, he gets angry at me. I feel like we\u2019re so distant from each other now. We used to laugh all the time, and I feel like he lets too much negativity in. What should I do? We've been married for two years but together for seven."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2134
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "That is a good question. Unfortunately there is no generic answer with this one. Kids fight for different reasons - wanting attention, wanting respect, feeling jealous, wanting space and to be left alone, or a whole bunch of other reasons. Regardless of the underlying motivations for fighting, most conflicts result from misunderstandings and assumptions about the motivations of others and one of the best ways to start figuring out what is going on is to sit them down and have some conversations with them.\u00a0These conversations should be centred on getting a better understanding of why they are angry with each other and really understanding them. It is important that they each know that you are committed to understanding their experience rather than simply sitting them down and lecturing them about what they are doing wrong. The more they are able to understand each other and feel understood the more likely they will be cooperative and considerate of each other.\u00a0One exercise for doing this that can be very helpful is \"active listening\" where one person speaks and the other person reflects back what they heard the other person say and then checks for understanding. This is hard to do but it often illuminates where the misunderstandings and assumptions are. If this doesn't work it may be time to get a family therapist or counsellor involved who can help facilitate dialogue and resolve conflict.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "For the last year, my adolescent son and daughter have been driving me nuts with fighting. I'm at my wits end. How can I get them to stop and get along?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2135
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It seems that you have been very disconnected from each other which naturally \u00a0could contribute to symptoms of saddness and even depression. Obviously something has shifted which you do not understand. Therefore, \u00a0perhaps you should consider attending Couples therapy to help work through your concerns and feelings? \u00a0It would also be beneficial to assess if in fact any depression or other underlying issue is going on. Communication is so important in any relationship and the manner in which we express ourselves to our partner can either invite curiosity and emotional connection, or shut down connection. IMAGO dialoguing is a helpful tool for couples for communication as it teaches \u00a0validating and empathic listening to better heal disconnection.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My husband took a job out of state for the next year and seems to be a different person. Before, he worked and slept, and on off days, he'd stay home because he didn't want to do anything else. Now he's going out with friends several nights a week while I'm still home working a 50 hours a week job and taking care of two kids by myself. He's suddenly saying he misses me and wants me to be his adored wife, but the whole time, I'm remembering how I've been emotionally starving for the last five years."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2136
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It is very typical for pregnant moms to feel completely emotionally and extremely teary eyed, so not to worry. Biologically speaking, your body generates an influx of hormones, that affects you neurotransmitters (chemical messages to the brain) that takes you on an emotional rollercoaster, but that's a good thing for the baby. Everyone reponds differently to these changes in mood, ranging from being\u00a0anxious to being depressed. However it is mostly heightened in the first and third trimester. There is no guide as to how to handle these emotions, but engaging in various sensory activities like walking, yoga, swimming, listening to music may alleviate your mood. Embrace the emotions that go along with pregnancy and know that it is within the norm.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I find myself crying over every little thing, like dropping a glass of water. Today, I got out of the shower and noticed that I had forgotten a shirt. I instantly started to cry. When I made it to my room, I began to shake a little, cry more, and I begged for it to stop."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2137
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi Kansas, I feel strongly that the help of a professional therapist is important here. Feelings are never wrong, but it can help to understand where they come from and talk to someone who can teach you healthy ways to cope. Self-harm is not the answer to managing those emotions you feel in your stomach. Although I'm glad you said something here, a professional would need to spend some time with you and get a deep understanding of your life in order to help you sort all these reactions out effectively. I hope you reach out to someone soon.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Whenever I don't tell my friends or anyone what I did or stuff that's not really important, I feel terrible, like there\u2019s a hole in my stomach. It only goes away when I hurt myself."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2138
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Attraction is important but sometimes over-rated. I'm curious about your comment that you are not as attracted as you \"should be\" - What is your measuring stick is for what you are supposed to feel in terms of attraction in a relationship? Do you want to be sexually intimate? Do you enjoy having sex with him? Are you satisfied with your sexual relationship when you are with him?\u00a0The fact that there is lust for other more attractive men does not necessarily mean anything. There will always be attractive men and more attractive men than your partner and these attractive men will be even more appealing when you are in a long-distance relationship far from the arms of your partner. Loving someone does not mean that you stop being a sexual being who no longer notices and desires attractive men.\u00a0Attraction results from a number of factors beyond appearance - including the degree to which you feel emotionally open, safe, and connected and how in tune you are with each other's bodies. It sounds like you think very highly of this man \"everything else is perfect about him\". Maybe it is worth spending some more time together in the same place if that is possible before deciding on marriage or that you are not truly in love.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm in a long-distance relationship with my ideal man, but I'm not as attracted to him as I should be. Everything else is perfect about him, but I find myself lusting over more attractive men. The next step is marriage, but I want to marry someone who I can wake up to and fall in love with all over again. However, I also don't want to throw away a great relationship over what might just be lust. Am I asking for too much in the \"perfect guy\"? Is there such a thing? Am I truly in love?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2139
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I'm sorry that you lost your first born child. \u00a0Death of a child always leaves a permanent reminder to the parents of a very painful time in their lives.The good news is your awareness that you and your wife are not connected in a satisfying way.There are many possible areas to examine in your relationship as partners and as parents.If what you write here are your observations and theories about your wife's outlook and conclusions, then the first step is to directly have conversations together on the topics you write here.What needs clarifying is what her reasons are for wanting to leave the marriage.Often, a crisis such as a child's death, motivates someone to look deeply into other intimate relationships. \u00a0Keep in mind that looking deeply doesn't necessarily mean leaving the marriage.Also, be aware of your own frustrations and marital discontent. \u00a0Be ready to talk about your feelings and uncertainties.There is no such thing as one happy partner in a marriage and one unhappy partner. \u00a0 Each person is part of a system and can only be as satisfied as their partner.The conversations that open relationship hurts and disappointments, hold a lot of emotion. \u00a0They are difficult to keep on track.Best recommendation is to find a couples therapist who will be neutral to each of you as individuals, and help both of you examine the true health of the relationship.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My wife is trying to leave. She agreed to come back and give me a little time. Even said she hopes I can do it. We buried our first born in Jan 13 years ago. She never got past it. So every year around this time, she gets emotional and says she doesn't think she loves me, but then we go back to normal.  This time, another guy came in and showed her attention. I'll forgive the cheating if she'll come home."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2140
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi. I'm glad you wrote, because I think a lot of people have this same issue (to different degrees) and we don't talk about it much. You have some social anxiety that is a bit beyond what the average person might feel. Most people have some amount of worry about what others might think of them, and this probably prevents us from making complete fools of ourselves so that's a good thing. But your \"alarm system\" is out of whack and you are spending too much time worrying about how you come across. As you age you understand this more, and it's true...that other people really aren't thinking about you much or monitoring you at all; they're too busy having the same thoughts you're having! Am I good enough? Do people like me, judge me...think I'm weird? We're all concerned about how we come across far more than how others come across. Like many people, you lack compassion for yourself, acceptance of yourself and confidence in yourself.\u00a0My gut says that these things came from somewhere in your past. Our sensitivities usually come from (as well as genetics) a specific time in our life when we experienced or felt something that was overwhelming and we end up with an alarm system that overreacts at times. Without more details, it's difficult to go further here. I recommend you see a therapist who does cognitive behavioural therapy, which can help you understand the roots of your fears and learn how to manage them more successfully.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Whether it's to a guy or girl, I always feel insecure talking, and I am afraid of embarrassing myself and not being good enough. Even when I am walking, I worry about my appearance and facial expression and such."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2141
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi,\u00a0Different therapists are guided by the ethical guidelines of their own associations or colleges when it comes to receiving gifts, so this may differ a bit from therapist to therapist. It's important to me that I be sensitive to cultural norms, and to my client's needs. In Canada, and the US, it is customary for people to sometimes express gratitude with a small gift, and I have from time to time received small tokens of appreciation because I believe it would be rude to refuse this. It is never necessary to give a therapist a gift, but if you wish to express your gratitude in this way, I don't think it's inappropriate.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I am an international student, and it is my first semester in graduate school in the United States. I faced a cultural shock, and I was so depressed when I arrived here. My counselor in the university was my savior. He helped me a great deal. Now I am going back to my country for a vacation. I was thinking to get him something special with my country's name on it, and I remembered that he likes wine. My country is known for that. Is it appropriate to give him wine as a gift after Christmas?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2142
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I am very sorry for the pain you are suffering. Losing the most\u00a0significant person in your life is extremely painful and breakups are often equated to a death. There will certainly be a grieving process that you go through and time passing will allow the hurt to subside. With that being said, seeing a therapist is highly recommended as it sounds like continuous support\u00a0may be necessary for healing to take place. Anytime\u00a0sadness causes thoughts of suicide or self harm, it is important to get help immediately.\u00a0A therapist can help you by validating your feelings and what you are going\u00a0through, while also working with you to move through the grieving process, adopt new hobbies, social outlets, and goals for your future. While starting over and trying out new ways of being may seem like a daunting task,\u00a0it will only make things easier and give you a\u00a0sense of hope and purpose for your future. With the new year right around the corner, this could be viewed as a good time and opportunity to get reaquainted with yourself and set goals related\u00a0to living a more fullfilling life. Hang in there. With\u00a0a support system in place and a healthy mindset, things can only get easier.\u00a0Best of luck to you!\u00a0\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I just got out of a two year relationship. I broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn't showing any affection at all. He was talking to other women and lying about it. It pushed me away and hurt me, but I'm still in love with him. A couple days after our breakup, he was talking to someone new. He told me he wasn't sure if he loved me. I cried for several days, lost my appetite, and couldn't sleep. Our whole relationship was only us. We didn't have friends. It was me and him against the world. We didn't talk to anyone else because we only wanted to talk to each other. We hung out constantly and Skyped to sleep every single night. Then, when I cut myself, we talked on Skype. He cried and told me \"I'm still in love with you, I never stopped loving you,\" and I cried tears of joy. I asked multiple times if he loved me and asked to make sure he wasn't just saying that because of me being so depressed. He promised and assured me he loved me. He came over after that, and we had sex because he wanted to. He went the home that night and told me he didn't love me, and he lied because he was scared. He told me I wasn't attractive, I wasn\u2019t beautiful to him, and that I changed. He also told me he was 100% sure he'd never love me again. I'm still in love with him. Why do I love him? How do I stop? Just knowing that someone else is with him hurts me. That I wasn't good enough and that I'm no longer beautiful hurts me. I think I need a therapist, but don't know if I should."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2143
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It sounds like a tricky situation. If you want to maintain your friendship and continue to have regular contact with him, getting over him may not be possible. What makes it even trickier is that his actions (hugs and touching) may be misleading and are allowing you to believe that a romantic relationship is possible. Some ways in which we naturally get over others are when we fall in love with someone else or when we suddenly see the person we like in a more negative or unattractive light. If you truly want to force yourself to get over him, cutting contact\u00a0or setting strict boundaries may be necessary. If you don't see him, over time you can begin to forget about him. If you set boundaries by discontinuing to allow the hugs and touches, you will not feel mislead or\u00a0have the idea in your mind that he is being flirtatious or interested.\u00a0It would be difficult to continue the relationship as is and expect your feelings\u00a0to change. Thus, being proactive by talking to him about boundaries or cutting contact with him are two things you can do that will likely help you to get over him. Good luck!\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I've worked with this guy for about three years now, and I knew the first time I saw him that I was attracted. Over time, he became a very dear friend, and we talked about our relationship problems, family, dreams, and so on. There was always flirtation with us, and one day pretty recently, it progressed to making out. We agreed to keep it quiet, and we did, but in the back of my mind, I hoped it would become something more. It didn't, and three months later, I'm still not over it.\r\n\r\nI'm trying so hard to maintain the friendship because that's what he wants. We're no longer in the same office, which I thought would help me get over these feelings, but we still talk about work, and he's constantly touching me, so I'm still very drawn to him. He's a hugger and such a sweet guy, so I find myself fantasizing all the time about what could have been and what could still be, but he's clearly not interested. He's younger than me and prefers model types, but I see him checking me out a lot, which gives me hope. How do I get him out of my system and still maintain the friendship?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2144
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "How frustrating to want a relationship with someone who does not feel similarly!The person who needs to be at the top of your list of those whose interest you consider, is yourself.Most often, staying engaged in dialogue, affection, sex, with someone who has different reasons than you have, for doing so, creates longing, frustration and sadness.Since the guy has told you he would like limiting his involvement with you, more than likely you will be protecting yourself from disappointed wishes, by taking his words seriously.Since you've made your interest in him clear, it sound like he's taking advantage of what you're willing to offer him.As long as he's not reciprocating with the involvement you'd like, why continue being available to him?The one area that is open to you in a positive way, is to understand which qualities of this guy you find attractive.By understanding more about your own interests about a potential partner, the stronger you will be able to step away from those who would like you for their reasons, which have nothing or very little in common \u00a0with yours.Good luck with defining the qualities of a partner with who you will feel fulfilled by sharing yourself.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I've worked with this guy for about three years now, and I knew the first time I saw him that I was attracted. Over time, he became a very dear friend, and we talked about our relationship problems, family, dreams, and so on. There was always flirtation with us, and one day pretty recently, it progressed to making out. We agreed to keep it quiet, and we did, but in the back of my mind, I hoped it would become something more. It didn't, and three months later, I'm still not over it.\r\n\r\nI'm trying so hard to maintain the friendship because that's what he wants. We're no longer in the same office, which I thought would help me get over these feelings, but we still talk about work, and he's constantly touching me, so I'm still very drawn to him. He's a hugger and such a sweet guy, so I find myself fantasizing all the time about what could have been and what could still be, but he's clearly not interested. He's younger than me and prefers model types, but I see him checking me out a lot, which gives me hope. How do I get him out of my system and still maintain the friendship?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2145
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Depending on your area and location, there may be therapists who provide services on a sliding scale. Additionally, churches will often times\u00a0offer counseling for free or for a small fee. I suggest doing a simple Google search and contact therapists in your area. It never hurts to ask for a reduced fee and even if he or she is unable to provide the service, they may be able to refer you to someone who can. ", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I need to speak to someone about sexual addiction and binge eating immediately."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2146
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi Helena,I felt a bit sad when I read this. This is a new term for me... \"semi-relationship\". What does it mean? I know that today's culture for young people is more of a \"hook-up\" culture than a dating one. Maybe that means that you develop connections to people but you keep yourself from hoping for a full relationship because no one is doing that anymore. That makes me feel sad. I hear a lot of young women (I'm not sure you're female, but that's my guess) say that they struggle with hook-ups because they can't let themselves hope for a phone call after a hook-up. Research tells us that, after a hook-up, college age women tend to feel used and unworthy, and men tend to feel guilty. I think this scenario works better for men than women, but many of both genders are left unsatisfied in the end.This is only one possible explanation for your anxiety...that your gut knows that it wants to feel fully coupled with someone but you struggle with whether it's okay to want or expect that.Maybe take a moment and listen to anxiety. Anxiety tends to try to convince us that something's wrong with us or something bad's going to happen. Anxiety sometimes prefers to stay vague (it's more difficult to refute it then), but you can try to clarify it's whisperings by asking yourself these questions: What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that might happen here? Then what might happen, and what would be the worst part of that? Keep going until you find the very worst thing that might happen? Might someone not want you...might you feel rejected...or feel not good enough...you might get hurt?Then when you find that core fear, you can look at your life and I bet you'd find a place where that idea or fear originated. A big moment (or many smaller ones) when you actually DID feel or get rejected or abandoned or hurt. In the end, it's a feeling you're trying to avoid (not life or relationship), and anxiety is trying to help you avoid it by making you overcautious. But this doesn't work for you! Good! With the help of a qualified therapist, you can learn to talk back to anxiety and move forward in life and love with calm. confidence.", "response_type": "Validation", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I am in high school and have been facing anxiety issues lately. Whenever I get close to being in a relationship, some kind of anxiety takes over and keeps me from the relationship. This anxiety causes me depression at times and even makes me want to vomit. While a semi-relationship should be joyous, for me, it\u2019s an emotional nightmare I can\u2019t get to the bottom of. I\u2019ve had this before and had to leave the semi-relationship to avoid throwing up every time I made contact with my crush. What could be the reason behind this? Is it massive nerve problems? Is it a fear of a bad relationship?\r\n\r\nWhile I\u2019m not quite ready to be in one anyway, I want to get to the bottom of this for a brighter future in which I can be in one. I don\u2019t take medications and have no desire to, I have read forums, and I\u2019ve talked about the issue with my sister who has faced similar problems."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2147
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi Moore, Underneath all your anger is a lot of hurt. The hurt is there because you are being disrespected. Your boyfriend (unless you've only told me a small, disproportionate part of the bigger picture) doesn't tend to treat you like you're important and he dismisses your emotions. This is happening because this is the level of ability (disability?) he has right now in a relationship. You can expect more of this behaviour (because that's who he is; it has nothing to do with you), and I hope you think carefully about whether it's working for you to be in this.\u00a0You could try telling him that you are hurt, because people tend to listen more to hurt than to anger, but my guess is with him it might not make a difference. I hope you talk to someone who knows and supports you about how you're feeling in this relationship.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I had to go to the emergency room today to get an X-ray of my spine. My boyfriend didn't want to sit there and wait with me. Instead, he wanted to go do things for his friends while I waited. When I was done, he was twenty minutes late in picking me up. He doesn't understand why I'm mad, and we keep bickering at each other over the smallest things. He thinks I don't have a reason to be mad, but I believe that I do."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2148
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "\nYou\u2019re noticing that as you lie down to go to sleep, there\r\nis quite a bit going on, which may be anxiety related. It sounds like the\r\ndreams and difficulty sleeping are reminiscent of previous experiences you had\r\naround the time of your break up, the difficulty with your father\u2019s business,\r\nand your mother\u2019s health issues. These connections to past events may be\r\nimportant insights to continue exploring in addition to finding out more about\r\nwhat your dreams may be trying to tell you. There is no exact science to\r\ndreams, but many people find it fruitful to explore the content as it relates to\r\nsignificant themes in their lives. I think that exploring these issues further with\r\na therapist could help you resolve whatever is causing you the stress, trouble sleeping, and frightening dreams.\n", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "It takes me a long time to fall asleep; I\u2019d estimate about two hours. I often have nightmares, starting with being eaten by a monster, and I often wake up frightened and unable to breathe.\n\nI believe I started losing sleep after breaking up with a girlfriend of 8 years. Also, my father\u2019s business went bankrupt and my mother has a chronic condition. I was under a lot of stress, and life lost meaning.\n\nAfter improving my life and developing a habit of running and exercise to release stress, my symptoms improved. However in the past couple months, I started losing sleep again and having nightmares without warning. How can I solve this issue?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2149
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It sounds like you are feeling pretty criticized by your cousin and at the same time you are wondering whether or not there is some truth in what she is saying. It also sounds like you would like to see if you can find a new way to relate to your cousin, so that your relationship can be more satisfying. If you can find a competent therapist to work with, there may be a great deal of opportunity to learn more about how you relate to people in the world and to learn strategies to show up in your relationship with your cousin in a way that feels right to you.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Hello, I have a cousin in my family who has been making me feel belittled, insecure, and frustrated during her stay here in the city. I know she comes from a place of love, but she has always been short-fused and highly temperamental if something doesn't work out the way she planned it. I have tried my best to coordinate plans with her, but she always ends up frustrated about the lack of communication I seem to have on my part and then makes condescending comments about my character that include: inconsiderate, negative, oblivious, and self consumed. \r\n\r\nI have tried to talk to her openly about this, but it always comes back as an attack on my character and I have never heard these comments from anyone else before. I have been thinking a lot about her comments and whether I truly am an inconsiderate person who is not thoughtful, spatially aware of surroundings/people, or positive, but in the end, I am feeling awfully hurt about how this has affected our relationship. \r\n\r\nWhat can I do?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2150
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It sounds like you have mixed feelings and motivations - which is understandable. On the one hand you want to get over him, on the other you are still holding out hope for something more. It will be really hard to let go of him and create friend boundaries so long as there is a part of you holding on to the idea of something more. If you are being really honest with yourself you might need to acknowledge that you are not really striving to get him out of your system - that you have not really given up hope of having a relationship with him. If you are whole-heartedly committed to moving past the sexual and romantic parts of your relationship and just having a friendship than refraining from all the touching would be a good place to start. It is hard to \"just be friends\" when all your sex and bonding hormones are coursing through your veins.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I've worked with this guy for about three years now, and I knew the first time I saw him that I was attracted. Over time, he became a very dear friend, and we talked about our relationship problems, family, dreams, and so on. There was always flirtation with us, and one day pretty recently, it progressed to making out. We agreed to keep it quiet, and we did, but in the back of my mind, I hoped it would become something more. It didn't, and three months later, I'm still not over it.\r\n\r\nI'm trying so hard to maintain the friendship because that's what he wants. We're no longer in the same office, which I thought would help me get over these feelings, but we still talk about work, and he's constantly touching me, so I'm still very drawn to him. He's a hugger and such a sweet guy, so I find myself fantasizing all the time about what could have been and what could still be, but he's clearly not interested. He's younger than me and prefers model types, but I see him checking me out a lot, which gives me hope. How do I get him out of my system and still maintain the friendship?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2151
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It's important to make an appointment with a neurologist and ophthalmologist ASAP for evaluation.\u00a0There are medical conditions that can create this effect.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "It has been going on more often lately, but not all the time. It has been starting to affect my driving, among other things."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2152
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It sounds like you have been a positive support for your fiancee. There is no doubt that this situation is a great challenge for the both of you. While it may feel like you are responsible for her health and happiness, it is important that you understand that you, on your own, won't be able to resolve her mental health issues. Based on what you have explained, it sounds like she needs to get a medical and/or psychiatric evaluation. Whether or not she decides to take medication is her (and your) decision, but keeping an open mind about treatment options is important. I suggest that she see a therapist on her own in order to better understand and cope with her anxiety and depression, especially given her suicidal thoughts. You would also likely benefit from therapy, individual or couple's therapy, in order to address how you are feeling and\u00a0best learn how to support her and your relationship. I wish the very best for both of you and hope that things will improve sooner than later.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "My fianc\u00e9e suffers from severe anxiety and depression. She has had it most of her life. Her anxiety in public places is the worst. It gets to points where she can't breathe or move. Sometimes, she won't even go to the restroom, so she will hold in her pee until her stomach hurts or she pees herself. She curls up in corners at the mall and has panic attacks. She won't eat or drink in public. If she isn't having a panic attack or crying, she's clinging to me and avoiding everything and everyone. Her depression flares up out of nowhere and causes her to become very suicidal and self-harming. She get really sick from anxiety and scared to the point that I can't even get her to eat, drink, leave the bed, or go outside. She always tells me how she grew up around so much fighting and fear that it makes her scared of loud sounds, yelling, conflict, and even talking to strangers in public. She will refuse to go to a store unless I am with her to talk to the cashier for her. She is so scared that I can't even get her to drive. She doesn't want to get her license because she's scared of trying to drive.\r\n\r\nSome people have recommended medication, but I believe it's just going to cover up her illness and not solve it. I don't want my fianc\u00e9e pumped with drugs. I believe a psychiatric service dog would be the best bet for her. When we first met my poodle, it would calm her down a lot. She took the dog out every time we went out, and she seemed much calmer and happier. She slowly would eat, and the dog seemed to make her feel a lot better. I am worried and want to help her without medication."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2153
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It sounds like you have some insight into the cycle that you describe with your current relationship and at the same time you are still feeling stuck. It also sounds like the distressing feelings that you experience, when you imagine what will happen for you and your current partner, are pretty overwhelming. A competent therapist may be able to help you work through these difficult thoughts and feelings and find a resolution to this cycle that will feel right to you.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I feel that I need to end my present relationship. He lives three hours away and likes the reassurance of having someone to talk to multiple times per day and seeing me once or twice a month.  I want someone who is more present and more of a life companion.\nLately, he has had a very busy work schedule and I have only seen him a few times in the last 6 weeks. I told him that I can't continue in this way because I constantly feel frustrated and angry and that he is not making the relationship enough of a priority. I also feel it is keeping me from possibly finding the relationship I want.\nWe have been together 7 years. The problem is that I panic and experience anxiety and depression thinking of him with someone else and then thinking I will never meet someone I like. We have gone through this cycle already 4-5 times and I feel it is unhealthy to stay in it, but my aversion to the anxiety and depression I experience upon separation always leads me to reconcile."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2154
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi Ohio,I'm so glad you reached out. I urge you to talk to someone close to you, today, about your feelings, and to also seek professional help for your serious thoughts and feelings. We want you to be safe, and your depression is treatable.Loneliness is so painful, and when we feel lonely, this can lead to fears that we are not worthy of love or that the world is just a cold and lonely place. Neither are truths; only thoughts. Once we have fears like this though, we start to pull away from people, the fears keep us isolated, which makes the thoughts worse, and the cycle continues.\u00a0We all have a place in this world. We all have value, we all deserve love, and there are safe, wonderful people out there waiting to meet you and care for you.\u00a0Can you take a moment right now to become more in touch with three things? First, who in your life, if they were sitting beside you right now, would say \"wait a minute...I love you!\" What is the evidence that you are already cared about? Then ask yourself \"what is the evidence that I am lovable?\" What qualities do you have that make you a good friend or person? The third question is \"what tells you the world is a good place?\" What evidence do you see that there are people out there who care about others?\u00a0Please reach out to someone today as you ask yourself those questions. I wish you the best.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I think about death all the time because I feel so alone. I want someone to love and someone to love me."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2155
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It is completely understandable that you would like to find a way to make these intrusive thoughts go away, however, your feeling that you can't control having these thoughts is accurate. It's also understandable that you would feel helpless and guilty, given that you see how these thoughts are effecting your relationship, though I would encourage you to go easy on yourself and remember that you aren't choosing to have these thoughts. I'm sure that if there was a switch to turn them off, you would flip it.There is no magic technique or pill that can guarantee these thoughts will go away, however, therapy may still have a lot to offer. In working with a competent therapist, you may be able to gain insight into where these thoughts are coming from and develop new ways of relating to them so that they do not leave you feeling as helpless and guilty and can be more present with your partner. Though there is no guarantee that the thoughts will go away, this may also be a result of work with a therapist. Either way, you may be able to find a way to deal with the thoughts and show up in your relationship in a way that will be satisfying to you and your partner. ", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I find that I imagine things sexually, and I hate it because it puts strain on my relationship. I feel helpless and guilty. I want it to go away, and I want to make my woman happy again."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2156
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi Florida,I get the sense that, aside from this relationship, you're quite isolated in general. It's sad that you're feeling excluded at Christmastime and family events. While I would suggest that you don't really know what he or his family are thinking or feeling (you assume they're against you, and that he doesn't care), he is certainly behaving in a very distant, excluding manner and it's understandable that you would feel rejected and hurt.\u00a0How long has this part been happening? Has he always acted this way, or is it more recent? Did something happen recently? You mentioned doing \"stupid things to yourself\", and I don't know what that means. If you are engaging in self-harm he may be confused about what to do and he might need some time to think and be separate but is having trouble talking about this. Part of the problem, of course, is that you don't know what's going on for him. Certainly, you deserve the truth, and if he doesn't want to spend time with you, I would hope he would be honest. Have you been open to hearing the truth from him? Is there any reason for him to hesitate to tell you why he's being distant? Maybe you could ask him, if you are ready to hear.I'm glad to hear that you believe that you deserve a full, loving relationship, although it seems that moving forward might be difficult for you. Is it possible your happiness is a bit too dependant on this man? I'm just guessing, based on what you've said here.\u00a0\u00a0It seems that it's possible your situation has led to some depression, and I would recommend a session with a qualified therapist to help you sort this out. You will need support, even if the relationship is repaired. Best of luck.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I've been hurt by a man for five years. He doesn't involve me with the family or kids. Everyone in the family is against me. There is a Mass today for a family member, and he never asked me to go. I'm to sit home alone now and Christmas too. He expects me to sit alone while he enjoys being with the family. We are in our 50s, and it hurts that he won't even think of me or involve me as part of the family. He doesn't even care. I am leaving him as soon as possible, but I hurt so bad that I didn't know who to turn too. I'm now in this low funk of depression, and I'm scared because I do stupid things to myself and give up. I have no friends because I was a truck driver. I've been getting serious headaches and can't sleep. I don't eat; I've lost my appetite. This has been going on for a couple weeks now."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2157
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi Prattville,\u00a0I'm sorry this is happening to you. You need support right now, and yes, you need answers. She is in denial and is trying to hide the truth, to protect herself. This is a natural behaviour. You don't indicate whether she wants the marriage, or is planning to leave. Which way you go from here depends in part on the answer to that question.\u00a0If she wants the marriage, you certainly have the right to say \"I need answers to all my questions\". Giving you the information she needs has to be (if she wants the marriage) more important than protecting herself. I would support your right to advocate for all the information you need in order to feel secure or make decisions. She may fear that the truth will turn you away. If you want to, you can reassure her that you want the marriage no matter what the truth is. If the marriage is to survive, it needs openness.If, on the other hand, she's planning to end the marriage, then you might want to resign yourself to the fact that you may never get the information you seek. You are better off, in that case, seeking support from friends and family rather than beating on a closed door.\u00a0Your wife has some decisions to make. Try to give her a bit of time to make them. You can patiently say \"I know this thing is happening. Talk to me so we can deal with it together. I want to move forward but I need the truth.\" Only time (and a good therapist, if she is willing and wants the marriage) will tell which way this one will go. Individually, you can seek professional help as well.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I found out today that my wife is cheating on me. I love her, but she won\u2019t tell the truth even when I have proof. When I beg her to tell the truth, she yells, cusses, and gets a huge attitude."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2158
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi Houston, Okay, something's definitely going on, right? My gut is to start with your family physician, because you have some physical symptoms. While it seems anxiety is a likely problem here, your doctor will hopefully know your history and can help you decide if you need some medical tests or some therapy. Without knowing more, that's all I can say at this point. Best of luck.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I never feel like myself. I can\u2019t even think straight anymore. I start stuttering and I can\u2019t remember anything. I always get nervous and usually talk myself down but recently end up fighting with, what feels like, someone else. I don\u2019t know why I feel this way, but I hate it."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2159
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I think one of the first questions that springs to mind for me is, \"what's the rush?\" \u00a0Just because other people in your circle have had experiences that you are still warming up to does not mean that there's something wrong or something to be ashamed of. \u00a0If anything, I want to commend you on the self-respect you have in wanting to wait and share this most intimate of experiences with someone that will feel the same way about it. \u00a0One of the most common distortions in our thinking is when we try to directly compare ourselves to others; while these people and even those in your family share a level of closeness to you they are not exactly like you - they don't see or feel things in the exact same way as you nor do they share the exact same perspective. It's important to be making choices for you and for your own desires and life goals. \u00a0Once you stop comparing your happiness, you may find that you are already experiencing it and allow more of your guard to fall down.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have lately been having lots of anxiety and self-loathing about the fact that I am a young adult virgin girl who has never had a boyfriend before. It seems like everyone my age has already had boyfriends by now or are not virgins anymore, and I just had my first kiss five months ago. I\u2019m worried that, at this rate, I won\u2019t have a boyfriend for a very long time. The problem is that I want to lose my virginity to my first boyfriend who cares about me, but at the same time, I don't want to be waiting forever in order to experience sex. I have already given in to bad temptations by hooking up with random strangers on social media sites and having oral sex with them. Luckily, they were nice guys, but none of them wanted a relationship with me. I feel dirty by doing this, but I feel pressured to do this things in order to seem normal.\r\n\r\nMost people are surprised when they find out that I am a virgin or never had a boyfriend because people think I am really good looking. I am tall, I play lots of sports, and I get excellent grades in school. I am in my first year of university right now, and no guys have approached me to go out on a date or showed any interest. It bothers me. Most of the people in my family have been in relationships at my age already. I feel like I will be single forever sometimes."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2160
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "As silly as it may sound, making sure that we are getting the right amount of *restful* sleep is very important when we are feeling low. \u00a0The reason for this is the lack of proper sleep significantly affects our ability to problem solve and critically evaluate our situation and can lead to a domino effect in our thinking. \u00a0I know you feel that you may be losing your friendships, but what are the facts that have led to this belief? Really ask yourself, \"are they facts?\" or are they your perspective on events. \u00a0In regards to your coping behaviours at night, it sounds very isolating and also very silenced. \u00a0As opposed to the sad music, why not try all music, allowing yourself to experience the wide breadth of emotions that are circling within you. \u00a0One of the other recommendations I would make would be to try and journal about some of those thoughts and fears in order to release them in a positively cathartic way.\u00a0Some of the behaviours that you have mentioned are a bit more significant, though and I would recommend speaking with someone directly in the near future.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "At school, it feels like I've lost all my friends, and I've been really weird with my sleeping patterns. I used to cut myself, and I really want to again, but I change in the locker rooms because I don\u2019t want anybody to see. I get ticked off easy and overreact. At night, I\u2019m very depressed and listen to sad music and all that sort of stuff. Please help me. I just want to be happy again, and I feel like I\u2019m starting to fake a smile at school."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2161
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "The best way to work on a relationship is for both people to engage with the problem and start communicating with each other more effectively. \u00a0One of the hardest things about this, however, is getting both people within the relationship to recognize that they are both responsible for the successes and failures within the relationship and remove all the all-or-nothing blame.\u00a0The best style of communication is open and asking for clarification; why not try asking your mother why this particular fight/situation is eliciting such an angry response. \u00a0Often, the simple act of expressing that we don't understand the other person's point of view can open the doors to better levels of communication. The hardest part is trying to remain humble as we seek out that clarification and avoid the blaming language we are so used to using in such times.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My mom and I have been fighting a lot now, and I just want a good relationship with her."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2162
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It is very hard to want a loving relationship, and either see or imagine all around you, the great times other couples are having. Extra hard is that other people's comments may start giving you the sense that you are letting them down to not have a relationship!All the fantasies that develop from viewing Facebook photos and imagining everyone or most people in ideal relationships, just augments any frustration of not being part of this group.Your post sounds like you're being true to yourself and honoring who you are really, by developing clear standards of what you'd expect from a relationship.For the longterm, whatever develops in your relationship life, you will always be able to look back and know you had self-integrity.\u00a0By being your natural self, you're being attractive. \u00a0\u00a0Probably very unlikely that a young woman who would like a relationship, will never have one.Maybe the young men in your school are not yet emotionally mature enough to know how to see and appreciate you.Even though it may be hard, have patience with bringing in someone who is good for you. \u00a0And, continue your keen insight of yourself because it is guiding you to be the best in all areas of living.Sending good luck in all areas!", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have lately been having lots of anxiety and self-loathing about the fact that I am a young adult virgin girl who has never had a boyfriend before. It seems like everyone my age has already had boyfriends by now or are not virgins anymore, and I just had my first kiss five months ago. I\u2019m worried that, at this rate, I won\u2019t have a boyfriend for a very long time. The problem is that I want to lose my virginity to my first boyfriend who cares about me, but at the same time, I don't want to be waiting forever in order to experience sex. I have already given in to bad temptations by hooking up with random strangers on social media sites and having oral sex with them. Luckily, they were nice guys, but none of them wanted a relationship with me. I feel dirty by doing this, but I feel pressured to do this things in order to seem normal.\r\n\r\nMost people are surprised when they find out that I am a virgin or never had a boyfriend because people think I am really good looking. I am tall, I play lots of sports, and I get excellent grades in school. I am in my first year of university right now, and no guys have approached me to go out on a date or showed any interest. It bothers me. Most of the people in my family have been in relationships at my age already. I feel like I will be single forever sometimes."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2163
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It sounds like you have some ambivalent feelings towards your ex-boyfriend that are difficult to sort out. You notice that there are both desirable and undesirable things about him, and this is true of everyone to one degree or another. One question that I would have for you is, are you satisfied with your relationship with him as it currently stands? Are you happy with the boundaries between the two of you, or would you like them to be different? Negotiating through conflict and establishing different boundaries are definitely things you could work on with the help of a therapist. Another question I would have for you is, what would it mean for you to find out what motivates his behavior? Discovering the roots of such behavior is something that he would have to work on in his own therapy and not something that you and a therapist could discover without him.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have an ex-boyfriend who just lies about everything. He is super lazy. He lies to everyone that he has a good job, builds trust, and then start borrowing money\u2014and large amounts too. It has come to the point where he has gone through several group of friends. He is leaving a trail behind full of friends in debt because he would put on a sob story, borrow money, then disappear. He refuses to work, so he sits at home playing games all day and either lies to his mom for money or lies to his friends. I used to think his lying was due to his drug habit, but now I'm hearing from other ex-friends of his that this started even before the drugs got into his life. He would borrow anywhere from $5,000 to $50,000 from everyone and it would all disappear. He's in debt with bills. He doesn't gamble, but he spends his money on random stuff.\r\n\r\nAlthough he has this habit of lying compulsively and spending money, he seems to be a good person. He'll always give a homeless person all his change no matter what. My brother has epilepsy and is really antisocial\u2014my ex-boyfriend makes an actual effort to socialize with my brother. He takes him out to the movies and plays video games with him. He drives me to school and work every day and picks me up\u2014just basically the small things that add up to the fact that he's not totally a horrible human being. Is he just simple a pathological liar or is there something that could possibly be deep down in there?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2164
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Love doesn't hurt.Your description of the relationship so far, is that you are feeling a lot of emotional pain, alongside a deep attraction for this woman.In some relationships, the benefit of what draws us together with someone, is being able to learn more about our own deep sense of who we are, what we value and care about.This sounds more descriptive of your relationship than that it is a loving one. \u00a0Your descriptions are of the woman's life, parenting and relationship dilemmas, not about how much of an effort she is willing to make in her life so that the two of you are able to be together for the long term.Try distinguishing your wishes to be loved by this woman with what actually is taking place in everyday life.Being aware of how much love you'd like to give and receive, is valuable self-knowledge.Your ongoing emotional wear and tear of all decisions about the relationship that affect you, being the result of the woman's choices, sounds like the opposite of love.The relationship is very useful as an access in self-understanding of your needs and wishes. \u00a0It sounds like this is its main value in your life, not that it is sustainable in reality.Good luck!", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "About two and a half months ago, I met a woman on a dating site. We went out on two dates, and then despite her original plans on how to pace and conduct the relationship, I ended up at her house on a the Friday night one week after our first date. We respectfully tried not to have sex, but after hours of trying to resist each other, we gave in and we had sex. After that, I slept at her house every night for almost two weeks. Then one day, she went to her family\u2019s house on Thanksgiving and everything changed. Within the short time we were together, we got so close and serious really fast. We had finally found each other. We told each other that we loved each other all the time, even while we were making love. A few days after Thanksgiving, she told me that we would have to go back to her original plans of seeing each other much less frequently. I was very hurt and didn\u2019t understand. Then another week later, she told me she couldn\u2019t do it at all anymore. I was crushed!\r\n\r\nA few days later, she tells me how much she\u2019s missing me and \u201clet\u2019s get together for lunch\u201d or something like that. Then about two weeks later, we finally get together one night and we were so hot for each other (in love, not just sex), but she confessed that the reason for the sudden distance was that the father of her very young child told her he wants to get back together and this totally messed with her. So for her child\u2019s sake, she is now considering the possibility of allowing that to happen. She had told me all about him previously, and it is definite that she has little to no attraction to him, but she would do this putting herself in misery again for her child. Our love for each other is fully established and acknowledged, but she is torn and confused. She doesn\u2019t even think it would work between them as she had to kick him out before for not fulfilling his role properly. I know she needs time, and all I can do is take care of myself. We have agreed to remain friends, and if this doesn\u2019t work out for her, we will try again. I\u2019m completely in love with her, and I\u2019m in extreme pain."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2165
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Given your experience of being imposed upon against your will, and all the personal and professional loss that has come since, your fear of what will happen if you undergo treatment and trust a therapist is understandable. There is no technique or pill that can guarantee these thoughts will go away or be reversed, however, there are things that you can do which may help you to change your relationship to the thoughts and to the distress that they cause. I understand that working with a therapist sounds risky, given your experiences, and at the same time a good therapist may be a beneficial resource in helping you deal with the intrusive thoughts, cope with and alleviate the stress that they create, and perhaps even lead to the alleviation of the thoughts themselves. A therapist may also be able to help you discover strategies to work towards any goals you have around reconnecting with your children and working again. If therapy feels too unsafe at the moment, I would recommend looking into workbooks on how to deal with intrusive thoughts and coping with stress. Some popular approaches that you may want to look into are mindfulness techniques, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. You may even be able to find some of these resources at a library, if affordability is an obstacle.", "response_type": "Validation", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "An organization admitted to implanting thoughts in my head with technologies. The study was to implant a fantasy other people are having, but to me, it's a nightmare. I lost my kids, my job, and all that. I was an unwilling participant. I no longer trust a therapist.  I'm too afraid to go under hypnosis or anything."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2166
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Sorry to hear about all the stress in the relationship.You're on the right track by knowing and sticking with your own standards of what qualifies as acceptable behavior by your boyfriend.Since he was the one who broke your trust, he is one in the position of earning back your trust.This is always a basic formula for couple's therapy in which there has been infidelity.Understand within yourself whether you'd like being with your boyfriend and what you'd like him to do so that you start feeling more secure in the relationship.If yes, then tell him what you now know about yourself as partner in the relationship.For example, some people who are getting over being cheated on, would like knowing details about the affair person, some people want to see the phone of the one who cheated.Recuperating after a cheating incident takes many months.If he tells you he'd like earning back your trust, give him some time to see if there is progress in this area.As results unfold, you will feel clearer on the direction your relationship is naturally taking.About the girl at work, she will feel less meaningful to you as you work together with your boyfriend on securing the relationship.She has her greatest meaning right now because you are at the beginning stage of knowing what direction to take.As you go along this road, more than likely, you'll be more at ease in naturally finding a way of relating to her that feels ok to you.", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm an early 20 something year-old virgin, and my boyfriend is in his early 20s with kids. He's cheated on me twice: once in the beginning and then four months ago. He wasn't use to dating a virgin and broke up with me three times because he wasn't sure. We both work at the same job (where we met) and it\u2019s with the girl that works with us. I've been trying to get over it, but now my confidence and self-esteem are low, and sometimes I feel like he\u2019ll do it again or that he's not ready to be with me. I think about it all over again when I see her. He says he's in love with me, and with the last time he cheated, it didn't feel right, and that's when he knew he had to stop because his feelings were for me. He's contacted her and told her he will not communicate with her because he's in a relationship with me.\r\n\r\nHow do I gain confidence? Should I let him go? If I let him go, I don't want to be sad about it being that we work together. I try to tell myself I'm beautiful every day, and I think I am a pretty attractive female with a great personality, but I don't like the fact that she works there."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2167
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "While it would be impossible for me to say whether your marriage can be saved it sounds like you are both willing to give it a try and to get professional support. With appropriate professional support for your relationship a lot is possible. I'm not familiar with the resources available in Jackson but I'm sure there are some good local couple therapists and there may be some agencies that specialize in couple counselling and family therapy.\u00a0So often the challenges that we have in relationships result from rather small habits in relating that lead to greater feelings of distress, loneliness, anger and resentment. I commend your willingness to put effort into creating the strong loving relationship that you want for both of your sakes and of course for your children. The following links provides more information regarding common behaviours that predict staying together or separating\u00a0and also videos and other resources that can help you get started.\u00a0Wishing you and your family all the best on your journey of healing and discovery.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My husband and I have been together since high school. We have been married going on for nearly ten years, and we have three beautiful children. A few weeks ago, my husband decided he need some time apart and moved over to his dad\u2019s for a while. He comes home to see the kids and acts like there is not too much wrong. Can this marriage be saved or is it too late? He said he would go to counseling, so I don't think he has given up."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2168
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "That sounds really heartbreaking. It is tough falling in love and not being able to dive fully because of complications on the other side. It sounds to me that you are doing exactly what you need to be doing by taking \"care of myself\" while the rest sorts itself out. While I admire your desire and courage to stay friends - the \"extreme pain\" that you mentioned may make this too challenging and at odds with your taking care of yourself. Since there is no commitment on her end to give it a shot with you I would make sure that you really honour your own feelings about what feels right to you so that you don't end up feeling strung along or resentful. Make sure that you lean on friends and family at this time - we need all the support that we can get when we are heartbroken.\u00a0", "response_type": "Validation", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "About two and a half months ago, I met a woman on a dating site. We went out on two dates, and then despite her original plans on how to pace and conduct the relationship, I ended up at her house on a the Friday night one week after our first date. We respectfully tried not to have sex, but after hours of trying to resist each other, we gave in and we had sex. After that, I slept at her house every night for almost two weeks. Then one day, she went to her family\u2019s house on Thanksgiving and everything changed. Within the short time we were together, we got so close and serious really fast. We had finally found each other. We told each other that we loved each other all the time, even while we were making love. A few days after Thanksgiving, she told me that we would have to go back to her original plans of seeing each other much less frequently. I was very hurt and didn\u2019t understand. Then another week later, she told me she couldn\u2019t do it at all anymore. I was crushed!\r\n\r\nA few days later, she tells me how much she\u2019s missing me and \u201clet\u2019s get together for lunch\u201d or something like that. Then about two weeks later, we finally get together one night and we were so hot for each other (in love, not just sex), but she confessed that the reason for the sudden distance was that the father of her very young child told her he wants to get back together and this totally messed with her. So for her child\u2019s sake, she is now considering the possibility of allowing that to happen. She had told me all about him previously, and it is definite that she has little to no attraction to him, but she would do this putting herself in misery again for her child. Our love for each other is fully established and acknowledged, but she is torn and confused. She doesn\u2019t even think it would work between them as she had to kick him out before for not fulfilling his role properly. I know she needs time, and all I can do is take care of myself. We have agreed to remain friends, and if this doesn\u2019t work out for her, we will try again. I\u2019m completely in love with her, and I\u2019m in extreme pain."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2169
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "I think that every person who has been single for any extended period of time has felt the same worries - myself included. Since relationships are so important to us we fear not having them and being single. It is similar to fearing that we won't ever get a good job when we have been out of work for awhile or fearing that we won't be healthy when we have been sick. We fear these things because they are so important - not because these fears are realistic or true!\u00a0There is immense pressure put on young single people from peers and media to conform to ideas of what is normal and to meet expectations in terms of sexual experience, dating, etc. While some people may judge an adult who is a virgin - others will respect your choices and feel even more attracted to you because of your choices. Experimenting with sex, so long as you are being safe and respectful is also completely okay and normal.\u00a0Since expectations vary and we can't be happy if we are always comparing ourselves to other people, we need to ultimately trust that being who we are and building a loving relationship with ourselves is the key to meeting someone who will cherish us for all the ways that we are special and unique, virgin or not. When we are able to really accept ourselves and trust in our loveableness (not a real word but you get what I mean!) then meeting someone special is simply a matter of time and effort - putting ourselves out in the world in situations where we are likely to meet other single people looking for relationships.\u00a0When you are most afraid of being alone - remember that this fear is simply a reminder of how much you value relationships. Use that passion about wanting relationships to build the best relationship you can with yourself and then one day soon some lucky person will stumble into your life and benefit immensely from your passion and your ability to be authentically who you are rather than pretending to be \"normal\" or whatever that is anyway. Hope this helps!\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have lately been having lots of anxiety and self-loathing about the fact that I am a young adult virgin girl who has never had a boyfriend before. It seems like everyone my age has already had boyfriends by now or are not virgins anymore, and I just had my first kiss five months ago. I\u2019m worried that, at this rate, I won\u2019t have a boyfriend for a very long time. The problem is that I want to lose my virginity to my first boyfriend who cares about me, but at the same time, I don't want to be waiting forever in order to experience sex. I have already given in to bad temptations by hooking up with random strangers on social media sites and having oral sex with them. Luckily, they were nice guys, but none of them wanted a relationship with me. I feel dirty by doing this, but I feel pressured to do this things in order to seem normal.\r\n\r\nMost people are surprised when they find out that I am a virgin or never had a boyfriend because people think I am really good looking. I am tall, I play lots of sports, and I get excellent grades in school. I am in my first year of university right now, and no guys have approached me to go out on a date or showed any interest. It bothers me. Most of the people in my family have been in relationships at my age already. I feel like I will be single forever sometimes."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2170
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "So wonderful to have a boyfriend who is able to understand and forgive you. What do you think that he sees in you that allows him to do that? Does he see someone who like other humans makes mistakes? Does he see someone who despite hurtful choices is a good person committed to being a loving respectful partner? The compassion and understanding that we can often extend to others can be difficult to extend to ourselves.\u00a0We often hold very unrealistic and perfectionist expectations for ourselves which may even lead to our poor choices in the first place - as a ways of letting off steam or rebelling against our high standards. Regardless of the reasons, we all make mistakes and imperfection does not make someone less loveable - it just makes them human. If your boyfriend is able to start clean with you, there must be a reason.\u00a0What you do from here on out will define the kind of partner you are to him. Can you treat him with the kind of respect that you would want? Can you help him to feel loved and safe in the relationship? Can you allow yourself to be imperfect and afraid and still worthy of love and acceptance. When you are feeling ashamed of your behaviours - try to imagine extending that scared part of you the same love and acceptance that you might extend to other people who have made mistakes. It is not easy to forgive ourselves but it is important in order to allow ourselves to be loved and to truly love others.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about six years now. In the past, our relationship was difficult and frustrating. We argued a lot, and due to that, there was a lot of tension between us. We stayed together because we love each other and wanted to make it work. I used to party a lot, and several times I got into situations where I would end up kissing someone else. These situations were never more than just kissing. I have come clean about these situations with my boyfriend, and he decided to forgive and move forward with me. I love him so much and want to work things out too, but I'm having a difficult time understanding how he can forgive me. I can't seem to forgive myself. I'm overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and unworthiness."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2171
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi Winters, I'm so glad you wrote, because I think there are a lot of young women experiencing the exact same thing. You feel self-loathing for both being a virgin, and for being sexually active. Young women have always gotten crazy mixed messages about what they're supposed to be. They feel pressure to be pure, and they also feel pressure to be the vixen and please men sexually. But you can't be both, so you can't ever win if you buy into all that horse manure (excuse my language).\u00a0This current hook-up culture puts added pressure on girls to expect nothing more than random sexual encounters that leave you feeling empty and used; perhaps desirable in that moment but mostly worthless. The stupid part is that research tells us that young men are also impacted negatively by this cultural norm that values sex and not relationship; they feel guilt, and loneliness. \u00a0I urge you to talk to other girls and women about your feelings. My hope and prayer is that they will echo my words here.Your value and power cannot ever be found in whether a man wants you, whether you turn his eye, or how he treats you. Your sexuality is a beautiful part of who you are, and it is to be celebrated. I love that you want to celebrate it with someone who cares. Who you are is so very much more than your sexuality. You sound like you have a lot of things going for you. Try to see all of those things when you think of yourself.There are many more virgins out there, and many are afraid, like you, that they don't fit in. We are all different, and you don't have to be anything but who you want to be; who you are. You don't have to have any kind of sex until you're ready, and that makes you brave and smart, not weird.You're tall and beautiful, and guys may be intimidated by that. It may take time for you to meet the right guy, but he's out there. The question is: How do you want to spend your time until he crosses your path?\u00a0I hope you talk to someone soon and find out that your feelings are normal. I wish you the best.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have lately been having lots of anxiety and self-loathing about the fact that I am a young adult virgin girl who has never had a boyfriend before. It seems like everyone my age has already had boyfriends by now or are not virgins anymore, and I just had my first kiss five months ago. I\u2019m worried that, at this rate, I won\u2019t have a boyfriend for a very long time. The problem is that I want to lose my virginity to my first boyfriend who cares about me, but at the same time, I don't want to be waiting forever in order to experience sex. I have already given in to bad temptations by hooking up with random strangers on social media sites and having oral sex with them. Luckily, they were nice guys, but none of them wanted a relationship with me. I feel dirty by doing this, but I feel pressured to do this things in order to seem normal.\r\n\r\nMost people are surprised when they find out that I am a virgin or never had a boyfriend because people think I am really good looking. I am tall, I play lots of sports, and I get excellent grades in school. I am in my first year of university right now, and no guys have approached me to go out on a date or showed any interest. It bothers me. Most of the people in my family have been in relationships at my age already. I feel like I will be single forever sometimes."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2172
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi Cleveland, I think I get what you're feeling. You're scared that if you forgive your mom, that would mean it wasn't so bad, or she'll think it's okay to do it again, or she won't realize how hurt you are.\u00a0I invite you to look at forgiveness in a different way. Forgiveness doesn't have to mean what she did was okay. Not at all. Forgiveness can mean \"I accept what she did, and I don't want to live in her worst moments constantly. I want to put it down and move past it because I want her in my life, because fear and resentment interfere with my relationship with her, and mostly because I'm tired of carrying them (fear and resentment) around constantly.\"You can forgive your mom for yourself, not for her.\u00a0\u00a0If there is evidence that your mom wants to respect you moving forward, then it might be worth it to risk putting down the resentment and the grudge that you think you need to protect yourself.\u00a0\u00a0Your ability to draw boundaries with her in the present is your biggest protector; let her know in the present what hurts you, and notice her responses.You don't have to say it to her face. Saying it to yourself is more important. Again, forgiving your mom helps you...it reduces your own burden of fear and resentment, leaving space for better things.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My mom made a lot of mistakes a couple years back, and I can't seem to forgive her. I want to say that it's okay, but I can't. I feel like even if I did forgive her, I wouldn't be able to say it to her face."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2173
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Well Boise, the cat's out of the bag now, isn't it? I love that you want to help your kids keep the magic of Christmas. They must want that too if they still believe in Santa into their teen years, which is unusual, I believe. I wonder if they had already figured it out anyway?But they know now, and your ex had the right to tell them if he felt it was best. So it's time to explain to them what a loving and magical thing it is that parents do, and Christmas can still be magical in so many ways. Really, who says they have to stop believing in Santa? Santa is very real as a spirit of surprise, generosity and love.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "My ex-husband told my two adolescents that Santa doesn't exist on the day before Christmas. They are desperate to hold on to the magic of Christmas, but I don't know if it's right for me to lie to them and tell them that Santa is real. I don't want to let them down and make them lose out on those memories, but I also don't want to lose their trust."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2174
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi Jayuya, I'm struggling in this moment with my own biases. I have biases that are about respect and every individual's need for and right to respect. Your husband lies, cheats and physically hurts you. He makes excuses and blames you for these behaviours and trains you to do the same. He demonstrates many controlling and abusive behaviours. And now, in an attempt to manipulate and silence you, he wants to have his cake and eat it too and suggests you should share him? There aren't many crumbs of this cake left for you, are there?So, my biases about respect don't make me want to rescue you or tell you what to do; I can't do that, and I don't think either of those things will help you. I'd like to ask you some questions though...Are you happy? Do you know what happy is? Do you know what respect is? Are your children safe? Are your children witnessing violence (because if they are, then they're not safe)? Do you have supports? Do your family and friends know what's happening in your life? Have you ever been to a women's shelter? Are you willing to sit down in an office with a professional who can help you think clearly? That's what I suggest. These are big decisions, you deserve some support. I wish you the best.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I've been with my husband for eight years now. We have split twice before, and the first time was because he cheated. I took him back months later, and he really tried making it up to me by making a lot of changes. However, we continued to have issues because of my lack of trust. My insecurities and trust issues lead to physical abuse, which lead to us separating again. During that separation, he consoled himself by talking to the same girl he cheated on me with. But we then ended up back together and worked it out for a while until I got pregnant with our second child.\r\n\r\nThe baby was a few months old, and he confessed to me about his secret relationship with her. He told me how he could never stop talking to her and how, during our issues, she has been and is the only women he's gone behind my back with (but on a friendship level because she's miles away). He confessed how he fought feelings for her and feels like he's possibly in love with her too. He said he feels like he's in love with the both of us now because this women has fallen for him, and she hasn't been able to leave him alone since. Even though she knows that he's still with me and happy with our family, she can\u2019t help it, and he confessed how his feeling for her are mutual. Being that he loves me too, he wanted to be with the both of us at the same time. He wanted to have affairs with her behind my back by flying her out and staying at a hotels, but he didn't want me to find out, so he told me everything. He said he didn't want to continue to lie to me and so I can finally stop accusing him of being with other women when it's only been this one girl the whole time. He feels like my insecurities and trust issues are what pushed him closer towards her, and that no matter what he did to do right, I would still accuse him. He's caught up in his feelings and pretty much says that he wants her but doesn't want me to leave him because I'm the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life.\r\n\r\nI'm of course hurt and in shock. I feel like I have to make a decision on whether I want to allow it and deal with having to share him or walk away. Both of these decisions are really hard to make because I feel like whether I stay or go, my heart will still be torn apart. I have to make a decision quick because she will be flying out sooner than I thought."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2175
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "The first step to change is to admit that you have a problem that is in need of change. \u00a0Frequently our problems keep us in denial. \u00a0Although feeling hopeless is an uncomfortable feeling, it suggests to me that you know that you can not do this alone. \u00a0The best course of treatment for you is to treat all of these problems together. \u00a0Alcohol detox can be very dangerous so it is important that you do this under the supervision of a medical provider; preferably someone who specializes in addiction. \u00a0Know also that although marijuana may not appear to be as big as a problem as alcohol is, it will cause you to have an increase in alcohol cravings so complete abstinence from drugs and alcohol is needed.\u00a0I really recommend an inpatient stay for at least 30 days for anyone who is dealing with addiction, whether combined with mental health issues or not. \u00a0If this is not a possibility, then the next best thing would be an Intensive outpatient program that treats both addiction and mental health issues. \u00a0Know that there is hope for what you are experiencing. \u00a0You can get control over these issues. \u00a0The next step is finding the team and/or facility that is going to help you do it.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2176
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Well it's certainly unusual, and potentially could be cause for alarm. It's a passive aggressive act if done intentionally, so I would wonder if this child is trying to say something.I think without any context, however, or sense of whether there are other signs of disturbance, it's impossible to say what's going on. If there are other signs of distress or very unusual behaviours, you might bring the child to someone who can assess him properly.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Just wondering if this is a deviant act, and if I should be concerned for him. He isn\u2019t quite 10."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2177
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi Calgary (Canada!), \u00a0Let me get this straight...you're in a 'relationship', but he might be married. You both cheat and lie and he's abusive. The short answer is that there is too much wrong here for this therapist to try and fix it. Relationships don't heal us and they don't help us grow up. We have to be mature and stable enough to love someone before it's going to work. I'd recommend you focus on yourself alone for a while. You have a lot to sort out. I wish you the best.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I've been in a relationship for over a year. He's cheated and lied. I heard he's married, but he says he's not. Everything is very up and down; there's no trust. Recently, he went on a trip, and I promised him I'd behave and not drink because when I drink, I drink too much, and I tend to make poor choices. This time, I made a huge mistake: I drank too much, and I cheated on him. I slept with another man for about five minutes before realizing what I was doing is wrong. I told him and he just got really rude. He called me names and threatened me. I feel bad as I do love him. We just have so many issues. I'm not a bad person, I've just made a lot of bad mistakes. It\u2019s unintentional, and I know right from wrong, but why do I still make the wrong choice?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2178
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "It sounds like there is a bit of confusion regarding how you two feel about each other. Do you know what type of relationship you want with him? A friendship only,\u00a0casual dating,\u00a0or an exclusive relationship? I would encourage you to first figure that out and then communicate to him how you are feeling. Ask him to be honest with you about how he feels and what he wants from your relationship as well. Be mentally prepared\u00a0for a variety of responses from him\u00a0so that there are no major surprises.\u00a0By clearing the air and learning what your own and each other's desires are, you can then move forward with a plan. Without that clarification, there will likely be false assumptions, unanswered questions, and confusion. ", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have been seeing this guy for a little over a year. Back in August, he asked for us to step back for now. Since then, he has still been in contact with me every day. We spent some time together over the holidays, but then I was gone for New Years with family. I came to find out that he put himself on a dating site. When I found out, I asked him about it, and he responded with this: \u201cMy apologies if I got my signals crossed, or if I wasn\u2019t honest with you. You have helped me tons this past year and I am glad you are in my life. I didn\u2019t realize you were still interested in dating. Again, my apologies.\u201d Also, is it better to say that I want him in my life or that I want him as part of my life?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2179
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Does the voice in your head sound different or the same as your own voice when you talk to people and go about your usual daily life?There is a great big difference in the type of problem you're having if you feel the voice belongs to someone besides who you are.If you are hearing \"self-talk\" of turning over in your mind what goes on in your life, reflecting on alternatives either of what you would like to have done differently in a certain matter, or anticipating what you will do in a future situation, then the problem of the voice in your head may be from a high degree of stress or uncertainty in your life right now.Talking out loud can be a symptom of severe agitation, restlessness, loneliness, and a sense that you are not understood by other people.I would be as concerned about the voice in your head as I would be about the actual content of what the voice is talking about with you.", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "From the moment I wake up, I hear what I think is my voice in my head. Even now, I hear it saying every word I\u2019m thinking. When I lay down to sleep, I think of weird and crazy things, and the voice will never stop talking. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s me thinking. It never stops. I\u2019ll lay in my bed for hours just thinking about weird stuff. I should mention that I talk to myself a lot: mostly in my head, but out loud as well."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2180
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "First off, I think it is great that you are willing and able to help out your friend with issues regarding his current relationship, despite the fact that you have feelings for him. I think that the best thing you can do is let him know that you are there for him if he wants to talk about things. You can also help by presenting options that he has and help him weigh out the pros and cons of his decision, but ultimately he has to decide what to do. Know that you won't be able to heal the pain he feels when his girlfriend leaves but you can be a friend to him by simply listening, validating his feelings,\u00a0and understanding. Regarding your question about being there for him without wanting to hook up....I'm not sure if that is possible. If you care for him on more than a friendship level, then that desire will likey be there for you no matter what. Be careful that you take care of yourself and don't jeopardize your own happiness while trying to help him with his issues. Good luck to you!", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I'm a female freshman in high school, and this question is for my male best friend. At the start of freshman year, we dated for about a week before his parents ended it because they said he is too young to date. He has been dating a really sweet senior girl for a month or two. I have nothing against her except for the fact that she has Tim's heart. He is convinced that they are in love, and maybe they are, but I don't really believe him. \r\n\r\nLately, Tim had been expressing concern about what is going to happen when Sally leaves for college at the end of term this year. He's been asking me to help him with Sally and what girls like to show her how much he loves her. But he's also been thinking about breaking up with her just so they won't have to deal with it when she leaves. He seems really torn up about it, and I want to know what to say to him and how to help him once she leaves. \r\n\r\nHe knows that I still crush on him. He doesn't rub it in my face. He's a good guy, but I want to actually help him out and recover before we think about maybe another relationship between us. How do I do that when the time comes? How do I support him and show him that I'm here without wanting to hook up? How do I make him feel better? He is convinced he's never going to be able to love anyone ever again, which I think is ridiculous."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2181
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "First let's make sure that the voice is not one you hear outside your head and that it is not giving you commands. \u00a0If either are the case, please visit a psychiatrist for an accurate assessment.I believe you asking for some support in order to quiet your reactive mind (also called self-talk, automatic thoughts, mind talk, etc.) \u00a0When anxious, these thoughts tend to start racing. \u00a0The battle inside heats up even more when you start judging the thoughts themselves. \u00a0It sounds like the idea of the racing thoughts is giving you extra stress, and you have created a feedback loop. \u00a0In CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), there are some excellent BEHAVIORAL interventions to break free. \u00a0Start by doing behaviors that are distracting, fun, and healthy, such as calling a friend, going to a movie, or getting some exercise. \u00a0You may also do behaviors that slow your heart rate like deep breathing and yoga. \u00a0It's amazing how well slowing the body can slow the mind. \u00a0There are many other behavioral techniques for calming the mind. \u00a0Pick up a mindfulness meditation book for more ideas.Then there is the COGNITIVE aspect of your question. \u00a0This is the idea of recognizing how the thoughts are distorted and to challenge them rationally. \u00a0For example, if you do some of the behaviors just mentioned and you get some benefit, your stated idea that \"it never stops\" may not be accurate. \u00a0And your comments that the thoughts are \"weird\" or \"crazy\" are arbitrary judgments that you are making against yourself. \u00a0These are examples of cognitive distortions. \u00a0By challenging them, you may slow down the chatter inside your head.Of course, my book LIVING YES, A HANDBOOK FOR BEING HUMAN, is filled with ideas for both behavioral and cognitive improvement. \u00a0I evan have a chart (p. 57) which shows the different characteristics of the \"worldly voice\" and the \"sacred voice\" inside. \u00a0Learn more about Living Yes at www.LivingYes.org. \u00a0You may also want to find a qualified CBT therapist in your town by searching the top clinicians who are listed on the www.AcademyofCT.org website.I hope you find peace soon. \u00a0Keep breathing calmly and get some rest. \u00a0~Mark", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "From the moment I wake up, I hear what I think is my voice in my head. Even now, I hear it saying every word I\u2019m thinking. When I lay down to sleep, I think of weird and crazy things, and the voice will never stop talking. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s me thinking. It never stops. I\u2019ll lay in my bed for hours just thinking about weird stuff. I should mention that I talk to myself a lot: mostly in my head, but out loud as well."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2182
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Houston, It's normal for this kind of thing to be a trigger, so I get why you don't want to sit on it, but to keep refusing keeps the affair alive. Am I to assume that you can't afford a new one? Ideally, she buys you a new couch, but it certainly would be a gesture of love for you to do it too and it will help you both move forward.\u00a0t will be interesting to see if there's anything else that keeps the problem alive after the couch is long gone.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": true, "chroma:document": "I decided to stay and work it out. I just don\u2019t want to sit on the couch. Other than that, I have been getting over the situation. I don't feel it is fair that she expects me to sit on that couch and won\u2019t leave me alone about it. I can move on and continue to love, laugh, and play with my wife. I just don't want to sit on that couch."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2183
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi Winters, I learned a long time ago that I can't ever predict who will change and who won't. I meet couples who seem to have all the ingredients but can't make it work, and others who have severe issues and they decide to make better decisions and things change. But in reading your story, the image of a slot machine came to mind. You're gambling your life away on the chance that this guy will change. Only you can decide how many years to give it. I see him giving you clear signs that he doesn't even believe in himself or want to change though. What are you waiting for?Although you say you know his behaviours aren't your fault, something tells me that you're hoping your love for him will turn the key that unlocks something and makes him want to change. It doesn't work that way. Just like the slot machine, you have no power to change him or make this work. You can only decide when you've paid too much.\u00a0I bet there's someone out there who loves and misses you. He's not your only support.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My boyfriend and I have been together for five years now. Throughout the entire first day that we met, he and I had the opportunity to interact quite a lot and instantly sparked a deep connection with one another. That same night, he and a friend stayed over at my house (without my mom's acknowledgment) and we kissed. The next two days were a repetition of the first day. On the third night, my mother finally caught us, and I was kicked out of my house. I left with him of course, and we went from meeting each other to being like a married couple. It was very hard for us. His stepdad also kicked him out of his home, and we were staying at cheap hotels and friend's houses with the little money we had. I quit my job and dropped out of school because it was hard to do anything without a stable home. There were times when we had nowhere else to go but sleep in the car outside a Walmart parking lot. Our honeymoon stage, as they call it, probably only lasted one month. After that, it was a downward spiral. We were constantly arguing about money, food, and our families. We kept having the famous \"you're doing it wrong\u2014do it this way\" argument. After six months, we moved across the country only to live the same thing, and that's when the violence started. One afternoon, after a serious argument, he got into his truck and threatened to leave me. I was frightened that he would actually go through with his word, given that we had just moved to a place where we knew no one. He told me to let him leave or he would hit me. He had once promised he would never touch me, so I challenged him to do it. He slapped me, and ever since that time, when we have serious fights, he loses control and hurts me. I haven't had the courage to leave him, and there's really nothing stopping me now. I don't live with him, I don't depend on him, and we don't have children. We both haven't been able to let go of that deep connection that we still have and that has been damaged so badly. He always apologizes, and at the beginning, he was more willing to change. Now he just wants me to understand why he does it and how I don't ever make the effort to try to be okay. I've read enough about domestic violence to know that it's not my fault that he loses control, so that's not even an issue for me. I know he has to change that on his own. I just want to know if there's people who have gone through this and had the tables turned? Is there hope for a better future together?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2184
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "This sounds like a really tough situation.\u00a0 As a teenager, you may be able to get counseling on your own (without needing your parents' consent) under some circumstances.\u00a0 If your parents are refusing to\u00a0consider counseling, you might want to try talking to your doctor or another trusted adult\u00a0about finding some counseling resources - even without your parents' help.\u00a0\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I\u2019m a teenager. My entire family needs family therapy, and more than likely individual therapy. My parents refuse to take action, and I'm tired of it. Is there any way I can get out of this myself?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2185
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "You are right on to recognize that the effects of trauma can be cumulative. \u00a0It is very possible that a car accident could lead to an increase in PTSD symptoms that were related to other traumatic experiences.If you have been deployed to a combat area, you are most likely eligible for free counseling services through the VA Vet Centers. \u00a0The Vet Center clinicians typically have a lot of experience working with military trauma. Here's a link to a directory of Vet Centers:http://www.va.gov/directory/guide/vetcenter.aspYour service and sacrifice is greatly appreciated.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder due to my military experiences. Not a year ago, I had a car accident. Could this experience add more problems?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2186
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "\nTaking accountability for your actions and seeking help is an excellent first step. I wonder where the anger is coming from. Learning what is at\r\nthe root of it can shed some light on what the problem is and can provide some\r\nrelief in itself. I would also suggest doing some self-exploration and see a\r\ntherapist for individual sessions in order to gain a clearer insight as to what\r\nthe cause is. There are also several actions you can take on your own to help\r\ncontrol your anger and communicate more effectively.\u00a0Here is what I would recommend\r\nyou try:\nTake time outs: When you feel yourself becoming upset, excuse yourself and\r\ntake a time out to either think about the most appropriate course of\r\naction\u00a0or redirect your thoughts all together. Often when we\u00a0become\r\nangry, it is difficult to see the issue clearly, as our emotions\u00a0get in\r\nthe way.\u00a0\nDo deep breathing exercises: Close your eyes. Breathe in slowly to the\r\ncount of 4. Breathe out even slower to the count of 6. Practice this for about\r\n5 minutes, 3 times a day and focus on nothing except your breathing during this\r\ntime. Once it becomes routine for you, it will be easier to apply during\r\nsituations in which you are angry or upset.\nChange negative thought patterns: Try and recall or be aware of your\r\nthoughts, particularly when you are feeling angry. What are these thoughts\r\ntelling you? Are they valid or logical? Is there factual evidence to support\r\nthe negative thoughts? Often the answer is \"no.\" Learn to stop the\r\nnegative thoughts and replace them with logical and\u00a0more positive\r\nones.\u00a0\nCommunicate effectively: As a speaker, you want to use \"I\"\r\nstatements by telling the other person how you feel instead of blaming him/her\r\nby using \"you\" statements. For example, you might say something such\r\nas, \"I feel sad when you don't come home at a decent hour and I don't get\r\nto spend time with you\" versus \"You always stay out late and don't\r\neven care about me.\" The speaker should also avoid using black and white\r\nlanguage such as always, never, etc. As the listener, you want to validate what\r\nyou hear so that the other person knows that you are listening. You will also want\r\nto be responsive and offer fair solutions.\nI wish you luck in using these tools and learning about where your anger comes\r\nfrom.\n", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "Whenever I run into a situation that makes me upset or angry, I tend to start cursing and badly offending the person I am confronting. I say mean things to let my anger out. Whenever people tell me stuff about my relationship (like starting rumors or saying negative things about me or my relationship) I lash out not just them but at my boyfriend. I feel like I keep causing drama due to my personality. I want to be a better person and learn to let things not get to me and be happy and graceful. I hurt the ones I love with my words. I want to be better for myself and them."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2187
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi New York, There's no way to keep your past from affecting your present and future, because it's a huge part of who we are. The GOOD news is, though, that the effect doesn't have to be negative. I'm met many people who have horrific pasts and it helps them know confidently, every day, what kind of person they want to be and what kind of world they want to live in, and it helps them make really great decisions. You can accept your past, integrate your traumas and move forward in a very different way.\u00a0If you see negative ways in which your past affects you (and this is also common), you are wise to seek professional help. Without knowing more, it's impossible to give you a lot of direction here. Basically, our past creates emotional \"bruises\" that are touch on and triggered by present situations. But our reactions are often about more than just the present moment. I think you know that.I wish you the best as you sort it out. \u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I have family issues, and my dad was both violent and a cheater."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2188
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi Dillon,I'm from Canada, so I don't know the laws in your state. It depends on that a good deal, perhaps.\u00a0In my opinion, a child should never be forced into a situation where they feel unsafe, even if it is \"supervised\". If the child is old enough to make a strong statement about not wanting to see a parent, then this should be honoured.\u00a0Unfortunately, the laws don't always uphold a parent's right to do what is best for their child. I recommend you see a lawyer, who will advise you about how to proceed without putting yourself at risk of breaching custody agreements.If you feel your daughter can benefit from therapy, that is a separate question. Or is she already in therapy? A family therapist will typically meet with you alone first, in order to determine if therapy is a wise move for your child. It isn't always appropriate.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My daughter didn't see her biological father for the last three years. She doesn\u2019t want to see him because she remember really bad things from him such as domestic violence and child abuse. The visitation is with supervision, but she refuses to see him. Is it better to take my daughter to the therapist and try to see him after the therapy?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2189
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hold on, Sanger! You know, I meet with a lot of people who are so sick of the crap that their ex puts them through in the divorce process that yes, they wonder if it's best to go back. I don't think so.If your ex is using the children to manipulate, or is generally controlling the separation process, that's confirmation that getting out was the right decision.Your partner feels powerless to change the current situation. Of course he does, because there are many things that are beyond his control (his ex's behaviours, for one). Accept the powerlessness. Lean into it. It's okay, because there are many things he does have power over, and that's where he can focus.\u00a0He has the power to give his children a happy dad. That's HUGE. That's why he left, I'd guess. I bet the main barrier to him being happy is the guilt he feels. That's his ex's voice...that's what she wants him to feel...to give into that is letting her win. Ending a marriage in order to be happy is his right. He has not intentionally harmed his children. Hopefully he's aware that the separation has \u00a0affected them and he's working to create peace and balance in their lives, but he's can let go of the shame she wants him to feel; it's crippling him.He has the power to separate emotionally from his ex. He's not doing that when he lets her words control his emotions. He's still reacting to her. He hasn't completely left yet.A good therapist can help your partner regulate his emotions, combat shame, create emotional distance from his ex and erect proper boundaries. He needs your support in moving forwards, not going backwards. I wish you the best.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My partner seems to always get depressed over the fact that his kids have to see and go through the divorce process. It\u2019s especially when the mother of his kids keeps making him feel bad and using the kids as an excuse to get back at him. I feel like just telling him to go back with his family and forget about me."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2190
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi Enid, You sound like a sensitive parent; I like that you talked to your son to see if anything is wrong. There is some key information here (I don't know your son's age, whether he spent any money, whether he put the card back, or how many times he's stolen), and my answer might be different depending on those details, but I'll give you my thoughts.I see it as every child's job to figure out the rules and find where their power is in the world. In order to accomplish that, many of them test limits. \"What can I get away with?\" is a question they have to find the answer to. If a child knows the rules, they're much more likely to not test limits (because they already know the limits). So, part of testing limits is experimenting with stealing and lying. Not all kids steal, but I would say pretty much every child lies at some point. It's a normal behaviour, and most of the time it's about small things that don't matter and we don't even find out.\u00a0Stealing a debit card is a bit more serious, and I'm not surprised he lied about it. If you absolutely know that he took it, it's okay to tell him that you believe he did this thing and also lied about it. It's appropriate to give a consequence for this type of behaviour, so that the child doesn't do it again. The consequence should be as natural and logical as possible. The behaviour (stealing) was harmful to you, so doing you a favour with extra chores might be a good idea.\u00a0It's funny, because as parents we try to tell our kids that lying is bad, but they know they'll get a consequence if they tell the truth so there are natural deterrents to being honest (we don't want people to know our mistakes). It's a dilemma. If you really want to focus on the lying part, you can tell him that you won't give him a consequence for the lying if he decides to come clean with the truth within one day. That gives him incentive to come to you with truth. It sometimes works with kids to give them a chance to come clean and then reward them for telling the truth.\u00a0You can set your child up for success and train them to tolerate honesty. Put a cookie on the counter. Tell your child to take the cookie at some point in the day. Then ask them later if they took the cookie. You're making honesty fun. Kids love games.\u00a0Basically, there's as much power in rewarding the positive behaviour as punishing the negative.\u00a0If this is the first serious offence for your son, don't make a big deal of it; consequence him and see if he learns. If it's a pattern, that's different and you may want the input of a therapist.\u00a0", "response_type": "Advice", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My son stole my debit card and lied about it. It's not the first time he has lied. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I should punish him or make him do something. I've tried talking to him and asking if anything was wrong. I have grounded him, but nothing works. What should I do?"}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2191
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hi Attica,This is a question I think a lot of people deal with...they feel confusion about why they can't forget about or get over (or stop connecting with) someone who they absolutely know isn't good for them.\u00a0In your case, part of the problem is that he keeps trying to get back in touch with you. For some people, honestly, it's a game... to see how much power they have over you or it's their need to control you. If you don't want contact from this person, it's really important to give him clear messages about boundaries (\"Don't contact me again\"), and then ignore all of their communications. Any interactions or responses from you at all will feed their behaviour. Remind yourself why you don't want to be with them. I hear you doing that already when you say \"he has nothing to offer me\". That's great self-talk.But let's get back to the question of why we have a hard time letting go of people like this. Sometimes it's because we still hope they will change. Maybe we remember who they used to be or how they used to treat us, and we think it can go back to the way it felt in those \"good old days\". The problem there is that, over the first few years, as intimacy grows, people tend to show more of who they are, not less. So what they're eventually showing you is who they are and what they're capable of. People do change and grow, but it won't happen at your pace. Accept that person for who they are and stop expecting them to change.\u00a0Another reason we can't let go is because we picture our ex with someone new in the future and we wonder if they will be a better person for the next partner in their life. This is a normal... but not a healthy... thought. It's as though we want them to stay, maybe apologize, and heal our hurts; maybe make up for past mistakes. You deserve that healing, you deserve better than you got, you deserve apologies, but to expect that from the person who hurt you and hasn't demonstrated that compassion as yet is probably foolhardy.\u00a0It is my belief that underlying some of the above scenarios is the deep belief that we must somehow be responsible for the hurts our exes have caused. If you blame yourself in any way for someone's poor treatment of you, you will be dancing around trying to do things differently so that they can treat you better. It will be impossible to let go, because you blame yourself for their behaviours.Draw a line. Their behaviours are about them, not you, and the only solution is to challenge and reduce thoughts of them, and create physical and emotional distance. These things plus time will help the events of the past fade from importance.\u00a0", "response_type": "Validation", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "My ex-boyfriend boyfriend and I lived together. He had a two year affair with a girl and had three pregnancies with her. One was an abortion, another was a miscarriage, and then she had the third baby. They are not together, but he continues to contact me and wants me back. He has nothing to offer me."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2192
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:
{"response": "Hello Vancouver, It's really common for people to become very upset over small things sometimes. The small thing is a \"trigger\", and the emotions aren't so much about that event that's happening in the present; they are more connected to old events that evoked the same feeling. You've likely had too much of that feeling in your life and you've developed a sensitivity to it. Look at the small events that are triggers for you and ask yourself what same or similar emotion they evoke. If there's anger there, look underneath that. Is it powerlessness, worthlessness, hurt, shame...? \u00a0Then ask yourself when in your life you've experienced TOO much of that feeling. As a child, maybe, but not necessarily.\u00a0That's the first step, and combined with empathy, compassion and self-esteem, you're starting to build what I call an emotional air conditioner. A good therapist can help you with the rest of this process and with learning ways of coping with emotions daily. I wish you the best.\u00a0", "response_type": "Empathetic Listening", "crisis_flag": false, "chroma:document": "I was never like this. Recently this year (my first year of high school), I started getting emotional for no reason."}


created_at: 2025-04-25 03:37:44
topic: persistent://default/default/67af1b90-9bbb-42c7-aaca-6eef4ef3349b
id: doc_2193
encoding: FLOAT32
metadata:


