contemplating redflag today spent weekend parents friends house lake pretty good lots activities stuff nice change pace  people around age ive known since childhood never really talked tried talk introverted nature really came always felt something wrong the fact   really cute girls amplified this never really fit activities together im always odd one wish invisible whenever theyd hang room never came close cause felt like id embarrass myself thats realized bad social skills really where like everyone else back home different one theyd fun hanging would sit corner trying disappear forever could hear talk laughing jokes anecdotes things normal people do whenever id try talk them conversation would go dry one would look direction time say bye came packed stuff hid car parents said stuff scolded afterwards impolite  hour car ride mulled everything wrong everything made different made wrong brain even brought stuff times hung people past none good around  minutes self imposed mental torture starting toying idea escape all get rid ability make mistakes all get rid myself since trip takes place driving highway thought id wait us going least kmh pass semi truck jumping car ending life opportunities arose looked trucks pass thought god would hurt im here typing instead spread across one longest highways world scared would hurt tldr got sad cant interact people wanted end all smart right