much tell counselorredflag basically always mind years something ive thought long remember really taken seriously ive never gone far making attempt go cycles basically ok hating everyone everything world wanting alive barely able stand around humans hate idea counseling ive decided try job right offers free sessions requires around people like  hours day feel really bad people mess me get mean cry more really embarrassing extends wanting die phase need know much ok tell counselor admit suicidal thoughts fantasies concerned might initiate kind intervention life safe say specific plans family finding worst fear