im really suicidal right now could helpive depression long term roughly since   started bullying getting attacked consistently school appearance i wasnt good looking somewhat chubby riddled acne hair basically skinhead bully called levi who first week started fight me warped school called mum told instigator bully kept antagonising him mum waited come home walked door beat living crap me fat sobbing wreck living room floor birthday came month later forced buy apology gifts birthday money grandad sent since refused get anything year supposed bully forced give someone still making school life misery apology card chocolate well ask forgiveness made situation worse kept beating up expelled friends blamed me started bully group one point arm dislocated one pretend fell bike knew lived year passes mum decides divorce step dad tells hell still dad month later says im kid refuses speak me mum gets relationship drug addicted alcoholic partakes vices picks heavy alcoholism almost daily fight tried stop shed attack call names such step dad comes pick half brother sister one day gives old desk sit stairs taking room asks said anything him didnt accuses loyal calls two faced backstabber says im scum cry take desk upstairs im get idea die dont need keep keep dealing this  year old goes bathroom slits wrists doesnt cut deep enough exsanguinate himself goes downstairs ask mum help shows bloody wrists beats trying manipulate her forward another months turn  th really feel point celebrating birthday depressed am ask alone say dont care it accuses fishing attention starts hit boyfriend says make list write small list forces write bigger list gets im forced put social media others see see great mum is months abuse boyfriend makes everyone move house boyfriend move home city itll make everyone happier move still abuse other time government lost school coursework get put onto maths band level capped c grade eventually get girlfriend big group friends make feel somewhat human local college informed im good computer science building pcs offer unconditional spot level  networking course enrolment day college kyan moving back id failed subjects school bar english maths girlfriend still lived here friends still lived here hadnt experienced issues here broke boyfriend leave get back used live get put resit course college wont accept without  gcses  higher girlfriend lives  miles away cant see often little brother sister allowed come see us every  weeks mum irrationally moving much cant take computer science college dont course mum threatens kick leave homeless cannot find job says doesnt care stressful top college ive tried get take doctor refuses thinks depression myth way fix sad going working shes told rest family fear im abusive manipulative couldnt argue back ask threatened kick out life feels meaningless right now feels like im tragedy script authored feel awful times please help