im angry myselfid never kill myself think keep getting mad telling get with get angry want end all ive self harming years really kicked notch last months ive gotten point cut everyday tonight sat knife wrist ten minutes trying psych opting cut elsewhere ive done everyday last week im starting worry might actually get courage it want die sometimes just know appeals me ive got great life family loves dog id never leave still keep seeing want it started cutting teenager years even thinking months time last year august decided lose weight i  lbs really great christmas family came visit completely fell wagon since ive trying get back wagon lose weight i got lbs christmas cant get mindset before started cutting frustrated frustration makes want kill myself hate myself hate body im angry want kill myself im weak lazy cant lose fucking weight hate it hate feeling way im fucking sick want keep waking up