stucki feel like im backed wall painfully aware devastating effects redflag family friends due young family member recently succeeding attempt mess before seems happen every year half really thought position could control myself im losing it recently move flat apparent friend got bed asleep woke touching me spiralled since become isolated old friends social group feel like cant trust anyone anymore ive move back parents im sleeping sofa personal space ive jumped every hoop know previous episodes depression ive signed work feel like wondering ive weeks cant breathe house staying boyfriends every night get away went holiday today line support referred psychologist cut session short said felt like becoming stressed suggestions help me im back stage one run fight feels like noone help me feel like grounding know life state emotional distress im acute ever experienced feels unjustified ive seen gp theyve swapping pills around try get back feet im adult mother grew unstable breathes neck first sign especially loss said family member feel absolutely suffocated planned trip away day tomorrow know option go hospital admit danger myself know ill end facility absolutely cant stand thought family becoming aware severity situation numbers im supposed call im surrounded people way that snowballing months im exhausted im becoming massive drain boyfriend feel like cant breathe escape route going end know awake painfully unbearable right boyfriend carry becoming pathetic im scared myself really know do