want kill tonight dont know definitely want toi feel terrible extremely anxious right now things take hour take whole day im running time important deadlines yet barely make things know important apply colleges whats point know ill rejected anyway im exhausted used miss younger didnt feel like whenever think back point life get bad feeling feel disgusted dont like fact struggle get along others proves people feel too reaching long term goal unlikely finally got confirmation today wont happen pretty much one friend feel like im huge burden hold back go college might upset week two long run itll better