matter change life never enough ill always sick want stopi suffered bad anxiety depression almost long remembersince puberty im twenties always thought various reasons hated myself stress current job school anything fucked class forgetting write paper im working much feel like total fucking failure think give drop become housewife boyfriwnd finally kids like planned even though mother anyone want make boyfriend happy deserves ithe deserves much more even thinking stress school gone help changes help still wish dead deep hatred distrust anyone except boyfriend scares much legitimate hatred human beings truly believe people evil thing alive destroy planet unspeakably sick things animals wildlife often think could kill entire human race included id heartbeat feel like entire species society exceptations bullshit none fucking means anythingid rather die deal it id rather die go life