fucking tired pretending betterfrom everyone family counselors friends keep feeding bullshit feel put pity bs everyday wish owned gun could done already even sad tired life terrible nothing bad overly happened trying get disability  years mostly making people happy pretending get on life shit look forward nothing anymore everything seems like huge waste time think real conversation anyone months now reason even still alive want upset anyone thats it even starting go dont care hole everything else even honestly expect anyone read respond want least something truth somewhere