would like helpedi apologise clunky grammar various mistakes advance helped subreddit dedicated helping suicidal people helping mean preventing people killing themselves would really like helped want continue go living see realistic outcome im still alive pain kind help use  might share story oh wall text thats going be sharing help me see how shared story others never helped  might receive advice see fancy rather smart man advice contain truth already thought or heard shrinks people want truth there sincerely doubt it  unlikely might be might find kind caring person weep shoulder anything temporary reprieve honestly see how genuinly trying find way helped subreddit fail redflag passionate impulse me premeditated mecry kill given might well couple days live unless chicken out suppose case nothing power subreddit help me cases really able help people someone like looks like impossible thats really sad if ask me well interesting observation guess ive suicidal many years now always able fixate goal work towards recently goals lost meaning pain intensified wouldve gotten that time saw utmost clarity reason failings life personal flaws ive trying many years fix avail yes without context cant really make sense whats written above undersand theoretically additional many years efforts might only might mind you able finally become normal boy love god cant find reason end spare suffering apologise incoherence ramblings never able pour thoughts paper clear enough