person freely talk hates mei severe anxiety disorder fighting depression while never suicidal thoughts saturday girlfriends birthday screwed up hurt feelings lot really good lot cant even look mirrors told wants breakup want us take time other break lastly try heal time ive living time usually talk people person bring problems thoughts everything cant now last  hours idea jumping window parents apartment hitting car wall sparks head slow reaction think would done it afraid af dying cant stand leaving friends parents brother everything love sparks really scary known fragile life easy do talking guys seems help cant talk cant reach someone cant stand anymore point becomes new recurrent thought stands head fraction second listen something saying shows to