cannot handle cannot know point dropped going school forfew years last every single friend ever family never talks know nothing push everyone away cannot handle around people dread going alway smile make stupid jokes soon get back room sit dark put something tv time something animated since feels like break reality lay day night feeling empty randomly crying tried cutting self nothing put scars attempted times times nothing made feel like shit think going end soon complete something bucket list cannot handle one talk last years even text ever phone point search something never hour day trying get job save money thing end motivated see self hating everything liked feeling like even family seem like stranger kept trying tell self young understand anything drugs causing stopped nothing change going th grade parents going make like make th cannot even recconect old freinds since moved deleted contact information sorry rumbling doubt anyone cares read wanted something somewhere proves existed getting left behind