push people away hurt anyonefor almost whole time ive actively suicidal thing keeping friends ones id never want hurt every time try kill myself get overwhelmed guilt sorrow id leave wake time depression pushed everyone loved away times happens own like girlfriend becoming ever distant however times tell im intentionally pissing people off cold ignoring loved most ive literally made new friends since started ive reached nobody want hurt people im already going to good days fear ill push last friend away next attempt make nothing holding back deep down im glad going nobody finally lay rest