dont know else turnyears ago diagnosed depression anxiety cut regular attempted redflag once went meds worked really hard improving situation eventually found coping mechanisms things going really well while finally finished college  years depression caused fail many classes found highpaying job didnt necessarily love gave funds go things love ive good relationship  years place genuinely happy hadnt even thought hurting couple years went shit since virus biggest thing used cope making fun plans always something look forward to nothing look forward anymore boyfriends mom stage  cancer supposed bucket list year shes housebound cant that anxiety high unbearable ive panic attacks every night barely sleep want hurt time learned tie noose yesterday things dont get better know going end around neck im scared idea deal this dont know can