graduated college years ago worst time life became depressed first day growing up leaving friends taking harder courses because special ed since elementary therapist involuntarily sent hospital days i could never trust anyone even myself again thanks her change majors take extra year kept failing classes graduated pay student loans full time job used work  part time jobs due pandemic left  feel like ruined life going college wasting parents money taking courses want take like italian wanted learn japanese make happy feel like failed myself could gone technical school learned trade even gone community college friends chose traditional university route like sister except phd good paying job director childrens museum meanwhile cannot even get unemployment living moms sometimes wish dead feeling way since any thoughts feel like college ruined me m