im scaredthrowaway account obvious reasons ive depressed since march causes revolving door problems ive open school church family roommates girlfriend it school tried help much me roommate helped tremendously best friend girlfriend ive moved back home semester far away them depression led struggle classes point may failing fail though parents basically turn back me feelings inadequacy anxiety future plagued mind nonstop ive semisuicidal thoughts whole time girlfriend knew them she roommate best friend as well religious convictions enough keep now seemed like thoughts going away end semester drew closer parents freaked possibility failing fail ill  debt job degree family willing help me ill proven much failure ive always thought was honestly cant see reason keep going cant even see could wanted to scares that first time life actually started researching ways commit act started developing preferences decided it would want clean so one clean huge mess want family ones find body first im terrified thoughts even come mind thing keeping thought never seeing love life one last time