think good reason end myselftrigger warning redflag throw away account im usually one post things like publicly guess ill give laydown situation year ago depressive break dead end job left hospitalized unemployed ive decided move back home town order certified build websites reasoning could gain skill would valuable todays market addition current bfa could potentially give chance employable financially independent signed community college because forprofit schools predatory set healthy boundaries family felt like making positive change future seemed like things were looking up cut now  yearold dead beat lives grandmothers basement rely father financial support whos job prospect internship graphic design studio lacks personal disciplineselforganizationplanning skills ever talk anything else state fully aware cause misfortune result family suffer actions every time mess scratched grandmothers car garage get sunblock stains mothers furniture etc go emotional break end hating days finally let go proceed forget everything learned mistakes that inconsiderate peoples feelings often sidetracked work stops focusing work lack ambition discipline actually make actual lasting change life present tragic victim cruel world instead going truthful im asshole never learns live otherwise privileged life family who despite screwing repetitively loves much accounts im lucky people worse realize im parasitic take never give back whenever try change myself go back square one funny thing rock bottom one time thing people hit progress their constant loop repetitive failure inability learn past actions unwillingness change bad habits point realized good thing may contribute society well family would end myself ideally would like go somewhere beautiful a nationalstate park find isolated high place jump towards death become carrion whatever finds remains would like leave note family sating chose die instructing cremate remains if found hold funeral want remembered anything might post might ignore next couple weeks might actually take initiative life end things all know want make sure leave impact would significantly harm someone understand killing would detrimental familys emotional wellbeing long run would better place worry take care someone like me reason making public mostly trying find place vent part wants think plan wrong want verification still matter also feel telling therapist true extent plans would land back psychiatric ward thus burdening medical debt issue dealing years now guess understand disappearing woods would better alternative living parasitic lifestyle now tldr human parasite unable learn past mistakes realize harming everyone love going woods die better alternative putting people hell