wish good daysive always persistent suicidal thoughts ten fifteen years weeks feel somewhat normal might passing thought times day days occurs every second sleep try silence it ive found taking cold showers day silence everything brief moments working helps times too always helps keep mind quiet live alone rely everything really live anyone else im deathly allergic pets fur companions several oversized plushies feel calm lying floor hugging them good days bad days feel good free feel like god himself days wish someone would kick door end quickly stay away people since im afraid may accidentally hurt someone days overconfidence days self hatred wish could good days bad