life tried resist parents workim  parents planning long international family vacation want go depression kicking ass horrendous motion sickness gives anxiety think handle  hour flight also hard time private space usually meltdowns kinds vacations want go trip ive trying tell weeks never took seriously paid attention now first asked decided state demand stay home ive stayed home alone week long periods past before say stay home alone time decided cant use car rest life stay home leave door open security cameras pointed  tell love ive ruined parentchild relationship forever say priorities straight im school im training new job ive never done kinds rebellious things cancelled flight already apologize itll seem like im material gain already think im using money know going happen feels like cant fix it thing thats keeping going boyfriend barely im ready end all feels like concept freedom taken away me doubt theyll understand listen that ive said would kill multiple times past told shut up want die front prove im faking it