dont know anymore xpost depressionive posted before sorry rant im helpless lost depressed increasing amount thoughts dead feel dull clumsy dumber minute affects whatever do grades starting drop outcast wherever go cant make friends lack hobbies social skills cannot say complete sentence without miswording stuttering sounding like complete idiot completely ignored whenever try contribute anything whether roommates class group mates general ive going counseling counselors university end telling try medication which strictly against go another counselor cant go private counselor evidentially lead parents knowing happy fact still depressed avoid talking because really help all ive tried going gym  months progress despite diet make feel better self conscious ive tried going clubs still outcast cant make friends anywhere else im peak else go one else speak to want die