bother hi reddit im lurker great digg migration im   days every day comes closer seems remind life pointless high school attempting college even pointless money go school become pharmacist which hell even want do actually think getting ahead myself think start family father christian forceful nonbeliever abusive anything alcoholic mom brother taunting shit father encourages it all hate family think originally caused depression use forced take mothers bottles street found drunk loved vodka school smart high school slacked continue slack  time graduated sure got accepted oregon state money friends nerds gamers throughout highschool friends think thing keeping together high school never knew issues home because well want know embarrassing really helped hold together dungeons dragons sure bring hate love game think thing really care anymore eight hours away friends i moved three days graduating longer able play looked locally people play meet groups made friends work experience one wants hire family continues remind this makes feel even lower relations gender basically one fling past farthest ever got first base once pretty sure lesbian least bisexual now so really wish could kill myself lack ability go it yeah coward know kill myself would know would come next emptiness nonexistence think scares even depression tldr hate life lack courage kill myself life hates back