know anymore able go like thisi even know say here absolutely destroyed now even know start absolutely nothing right genuinely feel like dying now seen family  years due political reasons away wife whos one stop killing myself poor literally choose days week eat on cant get job due country rules live in stuck clinical depression able afford real help friends whatsoever completely destroyed tried everything tried making fiverr get money mental illness tried borrowing people know ever tried gofundme nothing working out honestly cant go much longer need help know find it literally cant find reason stay alive anymore