turned  always completely terrified getting old way let reach i diagnosed clinical depression late s made one serious attempt redflag  diagnosed put prozac things started change put law school practiced law number years even   years ago told people want live past s absolutely terrified getting old thought maybe terror panic would lessen time gotten worse none friends age fit generation friends   years younger me think started really living late moved see friends anymore even that never  part group age divorced children nobody relying financial support right now things good ever get amazing job got months ago probably last time incredibly cute  year old girl thing me aged well definitely become invisible short time come terms deeper secrets haunted young disclosed secrets closest friends showed complete total acceptance thinking redflag last weeks always wanted children real chance that know cant date much younger women women age like hold attraction me means keep getting older forever alone know would devastate parents siblings think enough keep here whats happening life absolute phobia getting older people cant have nobody would getting older video game terms feel like finished main storyline watched credits left playing optional missions achievements next  years try get  completion hair starts fall put weight aches pains get worse buddhist think reincarnation pretty likely dead worry me planning running hose tailpipe car tiny garage today may wait week pretty good thing procrastinate on know difficult die method tiny garage starting car cold work biggest fear ending brain damage