feeling suicidal m shy loner outcast virginim s alot people age married children busy work already clique friends hard make new friends age went lot verbal emotional bullying school continued college office jobs adulthood seems like geeksnerds least geeksnerds friends growing up even friends people said condescending ways talk look lonely study time ive never girlfriend im short etc ive deal much bitterness ptsd flashbacks pretty much whole life since middle school past bullying affected life right now is social anxiety people absolutely no empathy shy people victimblame weak cant get it even consistently try make friends confident outgoing attending meetups many people cliquish unwelcoming towards shy lowstatus males many times people ignore say talk interrupt me treat like rd wheel talk others instead me left alone make excuse leave me etc ones friendly actually listen alot show following meetups whats frustrating feel im way proactive people yet nothing show it regards always go meetups go alone whereas people already friends need go meetups also strike conversations people whereas people already friends cliques get away making effort socializing new people lesser status them example one common advice ask people questions people love talking themselves ive asked many people many questions shown interest them either show disinterest give blunt replies talk length themselves asking any questions showing no interest another example proactiveness ive spent nearly year weightlifting bjj yet really feel confident less shy less ptsd flashbacks before also tried meditation many times hardly noticed improvement ive also attended plenty toastmasters meetings given numerous speeches yet noticed improvement life traveled nearly  countries spent months living them friendly rude towards me possibly judging loser back home came escape problems back home another common piece advice society introverts play sports fun without talking much often taken seriously get picked deadlast many times deal rude immature pricks trying shove such rude teammates cliquish showing obvious favoritism towards friends guys taller me etc im ok shape im around   lbs another common piece advice society regarding getting dates its numbers game you got nothing lose asking out ive literally coldapproached  women nightclubsshopping mallscoffee shopsetc get even one girlfriendlay it got around  girls willing go dates none wanted nd date maybe one wouldve interested hookup nightclub another guy took see again angers many guys easily get girlfriends despite never coldapproached woman always get introduced statussocial circle use dating apps photos demonstrating statussocial circle choice coldapproach ive rejectoutcastloner whole life ive also seen numerous therapists none really helped sure listened showed empathy really offer solutions since im socially screwed least well career financially right much high net worth income age chump change compared software engineers age angry underpaid im finding nearly impossible get new higherpaying job competition often feel unmotivated depressed lack energy study coding interviews etc make x make friends refer jobs employment gaps like workplace bullying concentrate preparing interviews depressionptsd like me etc people crueljudgementalcondescending towards lowstatus males cant join cliques empathy go never experience excluded ignored bullied etc hurt people hurt people theyre hurt instead helping social rejects want project hurt onto them shitted much even though nothing wrong hell else supposed do kill myself