itoo long dont think anyone read need clear myself lately things getting control suicidal thoughts getting stronger one moment almost killing next laughing avoiding question point lost try find myself remains myself lets fucking honest forget labels using names diseases social labels me boy cares much others kill best love full night listening friend needs delay work need help put problems aside go running help them stubborn boy loses control really easily say wrong thing make wrong thing that nothing wrong totally lose control start yelling saying horrible things go everything perfect ruined everything go fuck forever calm caring boy again actually episodes needy boy saying love dont forgive going hug eternity terrible making friends shy never speak loud enough make friend totally different person opposite love something one moment lose mind truly hate it happened people lot times before several teachers idols one day put black list resentful sometimes seek revenge happy one second later sad trying kill myself truth cant control myself dont even feel control never realized now dont feel like me feel empty always things dont want to hurt way calm down say bad things loved ones change plans say goodbye middle conversation overreact try control control get one moment super motivated something realize laying bed dying boredom go shopping buy books notebooks arrive home throw corner got bored even started barely eat food doesnt taste like times eat normally barely sleep everything bores much want sleep day boy feels much nothing all care much give fucks constant change days dream writer traveler one everyone say thing truth dont know want be watch movie want character see video want work there dont change looks values days change way speaking walking acting seeing world see movie relate someone one second doesnt say anything me dont know i someone asks always say everyone says me good student shy boy always act different around different people point sure that ps feel good ideia post well