alone depressed anxious nothing brings reliefim prime life means beyond neglected hitting puberty teen rejected high school bullied college finding job  something losing job losing family institutionalized going rehab system beyond new job changed routines sought help im right things im highfunctioning say show temporary problem demographics irrelevant something outgrow problem inherent within me regardless whats happening me matter im with existed isolation entire life anxiety depression ensure this ive seen councilors ive seen psychologists ive hospitalizedinstitutionalized occasions ive monitored group therapy ive ect im taking prescriptions im seeing psychiatrist practice mindfulness remind drink water force moderate amount exercise every day hate feeding myself graze healthy food eat things prop enough hold job rent apartment keep alive everything consume wasted dragging life many years im incredibly tired family smiles pretends im making up two friends sick hearing bring anymore easier keep friend show interest twice month without mentioning anything myself attracted someone makes suicidal always has unfortunately im asexual situation arises every day work online whenever go out know like close someone tried never beneficial either party closer get extreme anxiety becomes overwhelming unsustainable break down scare them relationship ends begins tried trying help ive gotten feel guilty still feeling way right im wondering im trying suppress natural im fighting body telling do want exist life death meaningless know im asking for sorry bitching least internet now