small backstory used counselor suicide hotline hated job felt like could truly help anyone unfortunately also going depression thought would better leave job tried using hotline online honestly really sucked felt empty like solve anything swore would never use againampxbi extremely depressed suicidal lately due fact little social interactions others social redflag hard talk others overthink everything trying say wrong things mainly scared talk othersfor fear saying wrong things judgement etc seen therapist due scheduling able til end month today felt like could wait long talking new person redflaging talk annoying them message something made upset turned mess thought messed friendship little amount friends fear losing nothing understand overreact looking back now hard ampxbi called local suicide hotline one talk get like this worse decision ever called line told feeling upset suicidal told feeling sad know properly socialize making redflag depression stronger told know talk people right talking her okay sure get it asked friends talk to said no many friends two have feel comfortable talking this said why friends said i know talk others said why talk people talk okay fuck dude quickly ends call saying you talk people okay try ask make therapy appointment earlier it even  mins legit told suicidal active thoughts support got made feel even worse proved really cannot talk properly others like full conversation ended bad panic attack  mins ampxbtldr sad told suicide hotline lady feeling suicidal reason bad social redflag hard coversate others deveop meaningful notredflag told talk people easy  bye crisis hotline useless