never posted something like beforethis going sound like jumbled mess goes cant stop crying dont know why one things think youd grow get used feeling never do feel like im pushing husband away anything try fix makes worse knows problems tell im broken dont know fix it ive like long remember started cutting again days feel numb helps feel something know hes struggling knowing that feel like burden hes constantly trying make happy cost happiness doesnt help makes feel like financial strain doesnt deserve that hes good deserves better me get angry get angry selfish different try mold something need like dance doesnt selfishly force something doesnt like make happy got fight last night started crying know fault hate knowing hurt him dont friends course family ive always bad example daughter know love me feel like every decision make isnt right one feel alone also know im not head since started writing this feel better needed vent