feel like im going attempt againso recently left mental recovery center  redflag attempts drove previously horribly mental emotional abusive relationship bad drove redflag put mental hospital around  weeks reason left early faked way it manipulated never cared destroyed self confidence anything might remotely make feel human soon left recovery center left her hard me friends decided abandon start hating calling whore trying hurt way possible forgive doesnt make sense im horrible explaining situations im feeling destroyed suicidal thoughts constant im afraid work ive missed might repeat freshman year getting hard even stay alive im constantly feeling like im pull trigger myself dont know losing friends getting breakup everything life getting cant handle again think might put back mental hospital dont want go wish everything never happened wish never happened lived constantly wish succeeded attempts didnt go pain im going right now family scared dont know do feel horrible putting this hurt much know may sound like much feels overwhelming im failing school sleep wish dead cant anymore want happy life went back cutting stuff nobody took well im starting therapy long almost every time therapist calls mobile crisis im saying numerous safety plans im nothings helping nothing helps anymore feel dead cant feel happiness anymore feel depression guilt anxiety pain need help need get this