family thinks genius notupdate reddit saved life tonight much longer anyone want read ive included concise summary end floated grades middle school point designed web site eventually receiving  unique hits per day making fair amount money advertisements th grade honest truth lucky sites topic happened extremely popular time amongst age group spread people school jumped schools district elsewhere family began think genius prodigy sorts destined bring familys name greatness hah truth is lucky determined site closed careless uncommitted longterm done anything publicly great since ninth grade took heartened interest girls brought bout extreme selfcontentiousness grades fell caused alcoholic mother seriously drank almost obsessively rage untapped potential began using drugs form escapism nothing extreme th grade began experimenting certain class drugs experience extreme ego death almost every time use these swear almost feel thin strings attaching rest world snapping time take them believe id worth world anonymous manipulation selfsacrifice highschool would often create fake screen names accounts social networking sites manipulate people school common cause hating anonymous school trashtalker talking collegiate intellectual or course rallying hackers hacked website school would partake groupthink occurring joyously senior year mom forced independent study grades suffering   never homework independent study immediately found loophole simplydesigned online system grading never school work year lead experimentation drugs missing graduating friends graduating  great friends  amazing friends honestly offered place live time need it fucking mean it cant handle living someone im close to never have im mainly afraid think theyll think something goes wrong selfdiagnosed problem self worth never contact anyone much preferring hope contact me almost shy almost id prefer anonymous actions could luckily friends valued enough call regularly get house expressing general interest welfare mom almost taken role child relationship since hit puberty family told ones put thought head originally never grew up honestly amazing artist lead amazing life faked adult young keep began grow well would kick regularly extreme fights would spend night beach one schools close house eventually started living friends house weeks time proved abusive itself felt using friend little offer return friendship mom kicked drunken rage two summers ago left uncles house utah used live central coast california live snowy desert weather almost unbearably depressing winter mood mirrors almost perfectly ive year now made friends though ive opportunities make connections place dislike rare occasion ive made connection someone opportunity to people would normally associate with see judging people show inspiration insight lives hurts around them relationships falter week usually sooner never see again realize around them also show interest insight met here want friends me makes matters worse uncle providing modest employment though usually performing meaningless tasks business offered me many occasions capital business own business would almost certainly involve web site foundation honestly know id fucking begin internet seems fully explored now difficult think original site gaining traction online daunting task honestly want deal with getting normal job frowned upon family especially grandparents bring things chide me talk family treat dictionary pointing questions me assuming know insulting ive began saying i know everything ask me hopes dissuade asking more friends expect return california soon keep telling next semester sure never manage work enough save enough move back friends one close enough touch see start break down stop basic things like sleeping going work put sleeping  hours once really care sleeping nothing do slept  hours stay awake  hours weekly basis reason all abuse sleeping pills point extreme hallucination done extremely stupid dangerous things influence certain substances utah realize lot uncle willing support endeavors endeavor hurts even thinking it ive recently stopped going work enrolled classes community college here rarely attend two three teachers literally reading book teach class one asks explain simple things them depressing announced hired teach class days semester started barely qualified so class full middleaged my job needs im going take class fill roll types often fake going class go library instead ive taken drinking ive smoking lot since got here stopped brushing teeth properly medical insurance teeth rotted believe two molars fall out background heres meat tldr family expects feel give alone  year go out talk anyone save occasional online chat phone call old friends wake late fake attending classes put going fake job drink nightly point blacking out im making money get better job make money snow makes want die incapable would seem escape ive cutting right wrist deeper deeper every week so wrist band one notices one touches me never moves one notices im thinking making final soon date planned anything point stop one find drive already assumed better are