idioti think idiot could well darwin awards nominee couple years ago arrived canada intention study university get degree new environment homesickness depression cultural differences long desired freedom countless reasons hindsight smart sounding excuses created changes plans first year uni got drugs alcohol parties nothing serious drugs alcohol wise end year certain gonna make second year would leave canada go back home didnt want that like complete idiot simply said parents everything fine still studying  years kept saying lie reality lived canada without visa without degree without desire change things lived alone rented apartment reading novels watching films basically unproductive antisocial waste simply didnt think consequences didnt care would end up even right care much happen imagining mom makes feel immense guilt things ive done less year ago started translating novels native language english fun ended earning bit it last something started going life started cleaning habits recently reminded passport soon expire knowing do honest options quite limited come clean get deported create another convoluted disgusting lie got passport renewed live without passport illegal immigrant go full hollywood style get fake passport even seriously contemplated redflag solution one hand truly dont want face consequences actions hand something finally started make sense life sure chance go back time wouldnt happened wouldnt lie parents living life disgusting parasite hurting them living without direction desire regret last  years life go back hometown would probably face jail time draft dodging that honest writing everything right made realize dont want go back home face parents option right seems whole lot appealing logical right thing do even eating bullet know cowards way but