feel much guilt cant believe anything friends say anymoreive made many huge mistakes around friends put faith trust someone emotionally abusive towards online friends blame acted it complained called toxic girlfriend proceeded go witch hunt tell off three groupchat time me abusive friend knew irl another online friend deeply care about hate ignored also hate feel way abusive friend started ignoring daily basis turned online friend blatantly disappeared fucking terrified hed done something himself wouldve fault starting whole fight lasted months grew severely paranoid picked fights abusive friend cut things her way late made everyone miserable friend finally responded months refuses talk happened think caused it tell lies it know talk struggling fights among friends told hes looking help feel fucking guilty ive started believing hes looking therapy me tells fine believe him cant believe him ive done before hurt people want die feel like punish ive done like im supposed alive want die feel forced kill stop hurting others cant look help myself cant afford it feels like solution cant forgive myself thought alone makes feel extremely selfish toxic hurt feel negative stop feeling way never feels good enough always more im endless loop fucking misery cant get it write hope death takes instead one day