matter am right bridge hour awayive picked good ones zero risk surviving impactover land  feet even lower risk generating anything article podunk newspaper even name terms world dying zero meaningful impact possibly nobody covid still raging hopefully get wish funeral remembered way shitty part amazing family inexplicably loves deeply tries support im getting point fucking unethical keep accepting help throw side bridge supposed die decade ago jumped balcony yet somehow miraculously survive permanent injury would perfect idiot dying drunken accident today id barely even cross mind accomplished literally nothing life except leech hardworking family last remaining friend sisters professors even hooked as since fly across country totally helped out therapy cant make accomplishing nothing pay crippling debt medication makes easier pretend want alive accomplishing nothing meaningful except make people feel better already know impact redflag need explain me ive read almost every redflag bereavement post could get hands way staving inevitable hopes something might change thing changes get deeper hole zero motivation climb of im done maintaining facade falls apart ive hurting people closest ill continue long im alive im going cause pain anyways might well least damage possibly getting sooner rather later