know whats happening anymorei means suffer life friends im somewhat attractive family loves me everyone tells potential whatever want life  minutes ago sat chair middle room knife throat sat  minutes applying taking pressure thought want anymore want life even deserve it im one sees terrible person am ability spend months getting close girl totally love me crush like never mattered never anyway ive done least   times why could started get nerves anyway ive made mom cry times count sit straight face parents try tell feel care feel theyll get soon enough enough though still knife rests bed know next time happens ill want stop applying pressure maybe make art blood die maybe someone help