messed beyond repairi even know start this november quit delivery job wrecked two cars handle stress anxiety working inside pizza store mood progressively gotten worse thought would able buy car tax return worked  jobs last year made close k got hopes high im even getting enough cover tuition one class community college ive always depressed since maybe   ive meds whole life im  now expelled high school freshman year buying drugs trying kill school hours kid  boy dating raped abused me abort genuinely thought kill himswlf would find someone else it went prison trying bomb school failed first semester college keep class work new born tried get job keep one either juggling child care job hours anxiety interacting people tried go college last year another abusive person dating kept going classes told allowed there dropped out friend helped get delivery job things ok month two boss job started blatantly abusive workers singling others out freaked tried jump bridge hospital stay put k debt total ive hospitalized  times ive tried kill  nothing seems get better every time try something fix situation backfires makes everything worse even see point trying anymore cant take care myself family resents me ive messed life badly theres really way get hole im considering trying end again permanently time