honestly even know start grandma died last friday week ago abruptly came back home funeral next wednesday truly feel defeated originally come back anyways change id name address told cannot anything name social security gets done backed  months name change divorce decree nobody cares feel trapped abusive dead name past abusers truly makes feel like something eating inside every time see it hear it use it cried middle dmv cried middle hospital told need new id first previously told need decree cannot change medical records til ss gets through id get new legal name truly feel defeated burnt out tired mentally empty want able tell someone okay without feeling judged feel like tell partner okay again th day row get tired dealing mei scared point physically safe mentally dead back rock bottom