anyway bother title carestheres nothing useful say recount tragic backstory here long one gives fraction fuck anyway tired ive tried failed absurd amount times perhaps quantum redflag real thingthe theory quantum mechanics supposes sort quantum immortalitythat short hold gun head know  chance killing pull trigger  not pull trigger universe split two parallel universes one die one survive continue pull trigger splits continue occur consciousness observer always follow parallel universe survive well copenhagen interpretation qmech hold true bc then wave function collapses sorry studied physics college thought id bigshot astrophysicist someone invoked murphys law life everything could conceivably go wrong indeed done so point even care got job nasa esa cern observatory anything crushed loneliness unbearable isolation meaningful deep trusting relationship fellow human would much ask loved apparently so lost cause worth effort nothing good enough never good enough die always feared alone pain unloved