depressed angry conflictedim  years old living west texas untalented beginning guitarist pessimistic asshole awkward mess uncomfortable skin depressed every day basically friendless suicidal sob story chance piss moan attention story starts age  parents marriage falling apart eyes two younger brothers know whats going point thenalcoholic father hit mom pissed end sneaking around smoke supposedly quit born held in fearing parents would say business held everything in never told parents atheist started   lets go age  im th grade hard time making friends im socially awkward middle school kids start dealing assholes sixth grade longtime friend ended physical altercation hung scary crowd bathroom open time around hangout this first two weeks seventh grade pissed myself point im short fat kid smells like piss stopped still sucked age  im th grade maybe two real friends im still fat short around   awkward living california  half years learning parents divorce weeks told seeing dad cheated mom via facebookon th birthday way brothers move dallas late february  mom aunt uncle cousins make friends there many some around april grow  lose  pounds due body proportioning itself go california summer intention visiting dad decided keep brothers girlfriend fall  mom comes visit days leave mom starts crying made pissed dad sad mom knowing see us long time get home start zoning xbox computer dad tells go bed still pissed him tell fuck off sends room im thinking either im better dead start suicidal thoughts stay there years pent frustration flying violent verbal suicidal waves september attempted slit wrists pair scissors  horizontally im retard bunch long cuts left arm brothers noticed told dad girlfriend it prescribe antidepressants send therapy october sent mental hospital get three days later get home suicidal thoughts boiling me go kitchen noticing dad anyone kitchen blinded sadness anger hospital ordeal life grab knife attempt slit wrists again im sent room  minutes later attempt again resulted screaming match two assholes dads girlfriend calls police sending kids rooms begged to sure enough see outside take mental center awaiting decision whether would sent back hospital begged to decided it moved november now may  im still awkward lost lot weightstill overweight around  maybe  still battling depression job hate grandfather basically hates enjoy things summer vacation school almost over pretty sure ill flunk algebra i again third year row im leaving friends behind go another school stopped talking dad cares girlfriend kid kids brothers coming soon good grandfather uncle give unnecessary bullshit hide feelings everyone especially grandparents grandparents believe im  shrug stress brain thinks older am brain  year old pessimistic asshole difference im  now im depressed reddit posting life story people give two fucks me hopes feeling better no really want end all means gumption so potential im worth missing breathing earths air tldr  depressed suicidal cant go it nobody cares