know posting helpi tried kill last friday tried od almost succeeded second attempt year everyones already moved on im okay know family realize this know psychiatrist realize this know therapist realize this cant deal this im try again know plea help what ive always skeptical empathy strangers know help me every time feel anything leads this shut whenever start feeling anxious sad happy scared leads suicidal tendencies worked past earlier today managed contact close friend talked while happy few fucking hours ago happy cant even feel empty do middle night cant call psychiatrist therapist family see redflag hotline could possibly help cant go sleep like this im lost cant allowed feel anything without wanting kill myself whats point living all want this allowed feel happy know whats wrong brain mood stabilizers antipsychotics antidepressants anything me edited add know terrible say this think this but wish sort terminal illness wish cancer could make alone anything would fine would mean would excuse physically sick pathetic anything would fine need something know is something change cant stop thinking would it need hate feeling way too thats blunt honest truth edited add feel like im me im person six years ago im one voices used head started antipsychotics get rid got rid well that try get them me back keep trying move on strange even two years control my body might delusional either way im crazy medications helping