ashamed myself reallyreally longa little backstory home schooled til th grade didnt quite get hang school high school grades never really good felt highly accomplished whenever got c parents day still convinced im kind genius lazy never really group friends people actually barely talked me unpopular much hated talk bad it teachers force words wasnt much hand get comfortable would say outrages things act ridiculously attention feel foolish later chubby unhygienic antisocial discovered masturbation  family moved portugaleurope absolutely hated first kids international school went tightly knit felt completely ostracized age started fall love basketball swimming plus active lifestyle general didnt go either teams though felt unwanted grades dropped even lower first time ever received failing grade class barely passed two others parents caring love much transferred smaller schoolchurch  students high school next two years th th grade happiest years life remember met friends seemed genuine attractive slowly became way learned speak mind eloquently got amazing shape swimming surfing basketball turned  started drinking fantastic time hanging beach talking pretty girls loved people taco kind love people youd happily spend rest life kind love became religious together too moved back america kansas places kansas hot dry completely different culture closest beach texas everyone talked driving sports college every day driving sports college great topics moderation three years theyve started eat away point cant even enjoy watching basketball tv  arrived zero clue drive something people didnt find cool started lying it next people found knew next nothing college football basketball wasnt quite hip either started lying it well first year there started getting ruts negative thought would spiral head leave depressed tired unable think positive thoughts myself was am embarrassed didnt even ask parents drive  made queasy think about felt like couldnt real conversations anyone lies kept leading lies started lying without even thinking it whenever someone would ask question would automatically answer coolest way possible began fear speaking people like child id come home headaches everyday around people couldnt look counselors eye conversation parents without lying something pointless didnt join basketball diving team people would find driving lies started skipping classes probably skipped attend depressed think  attendance selfdestructing bursts charisma absolute apathy truth able keep parents ever finding out reason even got accepted local college excellent act scoresupporting lazy colleges low standards skip forwards year recently dropped college freshman yearbig surprise there chose political science honestly reason seems like specific major smart person would chose maybe average interest politics law first semester went okay last one literally gave class got failing grades five classescumulative gpa  living parents unable drive  pounds overweight although parents siblings acting like  often ask little  year old sister drive work im suppose role model her humiliating sister recently walked room caught masturbating work covered dirt nearly half asleep want move get apartment something  dollars name hope day got college goal try keep parents finding im closet loser a little perspective father retired lieutenant colonel degree math business ut ou respectively works insurance agent makes bank daughter graduated  gpa went trinityfollowing boyfriend could gone many better schools played d womans basketball daughter   gpa graduated senior year planning going school me hoping study together daughter  point guard high school varsity basketball team freshman year  gpa drives car bought money even though offered one parents daughter  near prodigylevel gymnast fluid portuguese english  years old son me pathologic liar barely passed high school due credit hour issues couldnt bother go class wasted year fathers gi bill need go community college able go big boy school watching waste life avid masturbator honestly dont think im suicidal sometimes think giving sounds appealing end could still remembered fondly parents realize much disappointment am