hurts much ive suicidal thoughts recently getting major support therapy meds im already antidepressants werent working load things days ago constantly suicidal thoughts twice day cant begin describe agony happens sometimes ill put way extremely painful headache isnt physical im guessing mental hurts muchi cant stand it clutch head go floor crying far remember one else knows this cant stand physiatrist said depression like hardware brain change software thoughts feelings basically means im fighting depression whole life ive nearly whole life anyway planing redflag dont know stand whole lifetime