life worth livingthis personal post care listening whining kid favor move on unloading thoughts ive recently cant talk anyone them maybe im worried theyll worried im worried theyll agree point theres one option left need get there say comes me every time wake up wonder why get bed knew me tell need go college want to feel like outcast there even though im peoples friend im smart enough there theres many people better every one subjects feel embarrassed even room them thinking why here hes nowhere good thinks is work feels pointless anyway mean lets face it probably gonna lead anywhere sec suppose could say hanging friends worth spend maybe hour day best even though fun still feel empty probably sort meaningful conversation limits talk humorous banalities fun moment moment im staying moment mention fact im none best friends me matters ok lets talk complete alevels best case scenario get need next well really different setting university were looking even work even loneliness likelihood is make good friends quickly ill going lectures going back dorm day every day sounds like way live plus looking current state things getting job looking unlikely get one going horrible mean say get job were looking majority days taken mind numbing tedious tasks completed day in day receive fraction money generate boss keeps threatening fire me great even stick long enough rise ladder im going turn around middle age realize nothing bit money shiny car im still alone depressed ive always been even better might happen want sort corporate job want writer group people depressed alcoholic suicidal become cliche chances ideas way derivative work ever anything criticized mocked ever noticed all terms career odds life fulfilling me love make worth it love tried best steer clear me every time ive fallen love without fail mater reciprocal seemed rejected me probably good reason im unattractive guy cant good around im sure tell post get nervous insecure clingy great boyfriend material anyway even could fall love girl loved back next carry relationship one us falls love dies painful matter what ill probably end one divorced forty year olds still desperately tries get dating scene cries car outside clubs eventually hangs studio apartment leaving remaining grand kids pity anyway likelihood is none happen love rare probably rare ordinary kid like me im likely go entire life without ever feeling it greater good yeah right seen current political landscape seen anything weve ever created species touch insidious were fucked best chance saved long gone human beings animals violent selfish long hold onto base urges well never equal functioning society biological puppets heads full false imaginings fucked get go must thinking christ clearly depressed go get help help everyone know whos antidepressants still fucked way another feels odd turn altering chemical makeup blocking thoughts way happy feels like im right im going willfully ignore it shrink barely better priest someone give illusion hope tell theres light end tunnel offering nothing sentiment professional smile taking money it right thats comes mind right now know bleak subs for anyway thanks anyone reads responds tldr career satisfy me love keeps evading me human race hopeless cant see way out