neighbor invited block party big problem feeling like everyone hates me live south middle eastern intersections strangers negative work retail wether working get antagonized random white people age  everywhere go mind business one tim gun still holster flashed cvs asked old man wart remover holding worked not dads egomaniac cannot talk cares right in mind win every conversation has always fault well anyways decided get bit try friendly baked baklava made three different kind dips made homemade chips went party worked beforehand made sure looked nice went bring food party surprise everyone typical middle class urburban type felt like rector staruing me waved lady really staring turned away ok whatever say hello kids playing driveway say hi sheepishly adult wanted talk me set dip tried start convo dads standing around nothing cold shoulder home leftover baklava dip fault giving like  minutes really tried guys introvert tried hard awkward felt like alien everyone looking studying one wanted talk me might looking much one guy think actually walked way around little tent table thing avoid me say would wayyyyy quicker walk past me halfstepped trees bushes idk know pathetic cannot help feel alone know need move north hard poor family friends besides dad thanks reading one cares sorry end rope here infinite amount patience many times put get rejected actually went neighbors block party spent night making dip baklava eating alone