plan living life longerim  m currently th grade months im expected college dread every month upcoming college years transition early adult life relatively get good average grades throughout highschool parents still see smart child know im barely keeping together school expect much like want become that even know want be cant even picture future without dead thats goals life im limited high earning careers choice becoming something else feel like im becoming stuck course career want want nothing get it lately ive becoming worn tired everything cant get school requirements done time cant focus studies without distracted addicted whatever videogame im playing let group mates research paper without making progress far failed student group leader son want die now immediately almost passive redflag thoughts everyday becoming active actively planning eventual redflag want face living life future knowing ill fail harder spiral downwards shit hole