realized motivation live thats likely changei think zoloft past couple months cleared mind many pointless thoughts realize really want kill myself actually motivation improve know would even mean goal life want partner kids im asexual believe god hobbies would amount meaningful progress justify existence sure could spend next however many years natural lifespan eating shitting going work sleeping would want that survive people thing driving forward dont close friends im distant family continuing life burden would willingly put myself reason whatsoever perform mundane bodily functions naturally cant anymore