fathers last testament gifted bus ticketmy dad dying sometime minute now hes care comfort stage heavily medicated icu always lot firearms hoping pistol willed single shotgun dont really want go way gruesome brutal id rather pistol hang maybe exit bag lot pills drugs mostly psychedelics alprazolam think thats zanax googled wont kill me also thousands mg ibuprofen but suppose thats like normal headache pills dont want vomit death found  revolver drawer supposed go another family member id feel bad using it know gf mother id body dont want see gory skull blown apart shotgun love take badly