know people could understand me people busy life trying reach dreams learning improving spend time friends love ones focus trying find ways end life try remember peoples names try make lot friends study hard compete fun friends could remember teachers name even places  people met bother remember thinking would useless wanted die anyways twenties times feel better wanted go forward cannot know live like normal human being feel like know anything wasted years life learning life wanted live sometimes cannot know how feel like alien seeing people try mimicking things even though cannot fully understandi different sole purpose die everyone else wants live live