really hope okay im submitting thisive never subreddit before know right thing read posts get feel things go here im kinda gonna that read guidelines right im totally cool those goes im killing tonight makes tonight around th night killed myself counting first urge mean not like birth still guess  nights pretty good tonights different thats im writing this thats also right thing read posts first tonight minutes need write know somebody read it im gonna get details ive got mood behavior issues surprise ive em pretty control past five years so break arm patting back tonight hours ago something happened almost set back came close ive come long time doc told called dissociative episode short version sometimes kind dunno crack brain something lose control violent loseyourtemper way sense control words choices say mean things hurtful things things true like said ive good five years tonight almost lost it ive screaming inside head ever since yeah ive got support system kinda dumb luck tonight im own ive sorta got redflag watch im imminent danger anything like that cant stop thinking it want try sleep know im gonna able control thoughts thats im writing helps focus helps stay calm im weirdo cant write unless know somebodys gonna read it tried writing myself earlier see could trick calmer state work yeah guess im unburdening you whoevers reading this im okay seriously im scared tonight anything im really upset disappointed myself selfloathing strong tonight yeah anybody wants reply this id appreciate it need it crisis feel obligated anything since anonymous gets guess anybody wants hear happened specifically suppose could try talking it know would help sort feelings would give excuse wallow em sure basically im saying right thank letting use space focus minute helped little think course im done typing means im starting think ugly thoughts again stinks moment helped feel little better thank much reading