approaching end line longish texthello let preface saying english first language due length text proofread it sorry fragmented text also im really planing commit redflag immediate future although designated end line me im entirely sure feel need write years beeing miserable suppose theres number reasons stopping procrastinating sharing people might driving force behind desire one hand want present relevant aspects story hand want identity known ill vague regards  summary current circumstances im western european male late s late  graduated university masters degree computer science since hold average paying software engineering live small appartment siblings pets car  situation face mother could love go details since would probably enough identify would take k fix worst problems nose ears would probably make roughly plain facewise actually look attractive would need least k more since im also pretty short man  inches average country plain probably cut it since social sexual experience even might enough point known im ugly since   become ugly earlier took years realize lost friends got zero interest girls childhood actually quite ok lot friends even girlfriends since struggled accept reality way procrastinator sense people procrastinate postponing task piece work postponing final conclusion decade years running red numbers cant recall day worth living true better others never close good enough measure days happy good managed suppress fact unhappy given day justified living days borrowing future happiness would tell could endure suffering long payout somewhere line never really specified payout would happen long somewhat reasonable excuse keep waiting willing keep hanging there initially waiting turn  finish school start university finish bachelors degree finish masters degree get job cant make milestones yeah could get phd sure could save countless years start financing house cant bring believe anymore im getting younger already spent half life alone lonely cant go chasing next elusive milestone anymore many people desire nothing fact born better genetics invested much effort help all know attractive people study studying consisted  actual studying  depressed stupor took much effort still achieve results got im empty cant keep it recently noticed get less less work done ad work boss notice far tell drags even more work ethic one things really proud working summerjobs  years ago also become increasingly frustrated fact pay huge percentage income taxes mandatory health care etc hardly save couple hundreds month even living extremly frugal hardly benefit either bet people get government hand outs health care andor average way happier lives me therapy antidepressants  years neither really helped besides gained weight became lethargic ssri see point trying either again  dating tried asking female acquittances fellow students out  rejection rate tried online dating joke made account dating websites like plentyoffish okcupid hardly ever got message return never got date matters doubt woman would want stay getting look face real life made tinder account swiped right everyone till matches run out hundreds women several days got one single match bot  outlook next summer ill saved enough money first big surgery the complicated rhinoplasty hopefully ear surgery latter depend whether get loan raise additional money ill likely pay high interest winwin situation me works mind slightest paying loan worry anyway plan clear somehow make till next summer hard confident wait one year get surgery give dating one try turns physical change severe enough andor personality already damaged beyond repair end life promise follow that thats colateral one year borrowed time given detailed thought it recently atheroma maybe quarter inch diameter leg cut away sharp knife without anesthesia unpleasant and bled lot till taped it im confident withstand pain handsonapproach comfortable methods available me ill go sleep soon might reread tomorrow add important information slipped mind today