doubt would fail attempted idea terrifies me feeling mom would already gone time came to least close best friend would lose sober streak probably start drinking again would left paralyzed unharmed left regret would probably wish death nowof course thing stopping me would feel selfish leaving everyone care about hate idea suicide selfish feel way myself care two people world know would fucked gone know sure one would follow footsteps would probably kill themself selfdestructive habitsi wish could free life wish could retreat kind void empty anyone else little while terrified fail