planned redflag todayi idea anybodys actually going read this know im posting ive tried everything medication help therapy help thought relationship would make happy thought getting dog would make happy thought moving would make happy nothing changed exception brief periods actively wanting die feel like live everything ive done others others done me ive made many mistakes knew could start over would heartbeat cant theres changing ive done think shoulder burden anymore went every option available  overdose asphyxiation even shooting myself honestly put thought dinner friday deserve something quick something painless needs hurt deserve hurt happen read this thank you hope better spot right now