better die lose morality need help im point im ready fullheartedly prepared commit redflag planned every detail need im stuck time passes worse feel want die so knows this know do im trying think affect cant even think straight background life never good lot disorders mental illnesses caused trauma born with hard time living life constantly feel like dying old home dangerous new home religious beliefs conflict identity im uncomfortable am theres therapist psychiatrist theyre supposed help think im insane others say im fake liar never even understand myself find trying die lot also realized years become destructive agitated aggressive ive started thinking killing more become something think normally end hurting people lot mean to basically im becoming like parents want like keep failing changing  days plan end life  days make final decision know best path take die thats metheres nothing left existence everything would gone suffer anything live ill become like them ill continue falling apart someday able resist shitty thoughts anymore know ill act someday know do help