never lived year life without getting feeling multiple times feel disgusted people looking me thinking me talking me thinking know ideas know absolutely nothing hate fact people see me feel embarrassed disgusted everything myself literally humiliating someone takes pictures conversation me hate moments show emotion front someone else hate pressured so smiling hugging speaking anything seen things supposed makes feel like degrading myselfi know wtf feeling is comes often know call completely hate everything hate human hate body voice personality things like trapped head one even knows exist everything pure horrible something nobody knows about try hard look act way good clean represents always fail put hours working hair clothes look dirty like put effort inthere something horrible carries awful vibe rotting filth like cursed moment born need make money get plastic surgery move away everyone ever known start new life hopefully escaped filthy creature need change everything get rid feeling hurts fucking much understand feel way angry deal one gets want moment peace idk normal depression come every social moment feeling like sinned