sympathy advice million people shouting darkness internet thought one lasts acts would add voice cacophony think web one day become sentient yell us voice hear noise worst something like whalesong best forever unable decipher message about reason another reason perhaps person might able learn mistakes begin brief history born christian parents first memories ozarks father program become minister one day left gone quite time mother i living small trailer began starve father returned two children boy eleven girl ten disneyworld several months wealthy mother starved became homeless children previous marriage mother idea even existed memory goes almost completely blank five years next memory raped older stepbrother seveneight sixteen ish always physically strong managed sort of fight off showing resistance step siblings sat together methodically broke couple fingers memory vague pretty sure incident type lived major city time projects parents spent time evangelising unemployed waiting assignment church long another child way younger brother spent next years trying best raise brother bouncing place place father unusually terrible job fired often would end new church really sure exactly parents  never around age fourteen almost employed fulltime several jobs parents divorced paid bills provided food tried make decent go high school strong pretty athletic well football while classroom another matter spent and still do time reading anything everything midwestern classrooms taught lowest student became bored quit school attend dualcredit college classes battery tests loved academia met girl fell love three half years went wrong girl dumped mother thought would great marry truckdriver run leaving brother fend himself quit school return home became drugdealer survive also became quite addicted heroine one step ahead law one day vanish took now almost adult brother me got clean poison fully entrenched younger brother failings take credit for struggles day addiction time work menial grid kind stuff could get work all sure legal status long ago sure mountain debt student loans trying get without support long ago younger brother called said i ms need help children moved discover watch slow painful death imagine reality less pain associate reality myself tried professional help tell nearly sociopath capacity kind feeling exception younger brother gone collection pills put sleep forever take soon think best become monstrous know post interesting even slightest importantly helpful anyone around questions question would benefit please askyou literally cant bother me