want die see way get betterpeople always say supposed ask help suicidal itll get better ive asking help  years one knows help still better ive mental health services inpatient outpatient therapy tried bunch meds thing helped meds im taking since im struggling doctors saying change meds another antipsychotic horrible side effects ssri never helped before im honestly scared survive med change think current meds thing keeping alive want go back way them suicidal delusional depressed self harming police cells inpatient time it know else im meant though mental health deteriorating im feeling stuck current life  single family best friend shitty fast food job probably money qualification could get job it car much money saved able hold job past  years