want dieim sorry coherent know time ive asleep seems like week im sad put sentences together well honestly feel like throwing crying cant either ive lost everything know do ive depressed  years time ive never made friend talk it anybody support me past year finally made friend talked every single day helped other initiated conversation nearly month now another support friend talk either know why helped other thought tried hard perfect them became object used help them specifically feel like leave occasions needed them anyway education shit family struggling casual friends barely exist mind barely works anymore spent whole christmas birthday new years asleep handle awake actually called hotline first time birthday someone listen made feel something even gave standard canned responses want die badly know none give shit know see anyone stuff you know ill get nothing this know im writing anymore im sorry im going keep going though coming words thing keeping going insane sleeping pills kick go back sleep im planning talking one friends tomorrow im going ask let believe important them know would me really ask much im sorry am want this making much sense im going submit anyway lose feel broken human know im still here soul hurts chest hurts want stop know why deserve friendship deserve support cant even allowed support someone else why think im bad around point people actively avoid me think crazy maybe someone could stick me apparently though soul empty hands shaking new words add this thanks guys sorry worry im probably going end deleting this thanks