going kill weekendi all well paying job enjoyed loving mother cared lot me bright future utterly devastating self esteem last internship abroad schizophrenia hit hearing lot negative voices kept ignoring mothers emails held resent reason father raised hate her rude ignore her fair room back house move brother become even isolated damaged brain trying self medicate voices abusing anxiolytics committed internet crime broke morals snapped voices everything im left damaged brain haunting past im currently employed really cant it cant write code anymore im mentally incapable want live dark place anymore temporary problem permanent problem hate did went crazy fucked bad ends weekend