know whenim debating living know want anymore ive litterally drowned alcohol past years attempts wake anymore lot sleeping pills anti anxiety meds done trick body keeps rejecting idea past ex aborted kid long ago friend committed redflag shooting head standing behind living room family non existent keep telling okay let go constant reminder prebuilt fear continually replays over lock apartment cant go outside attempts block anything bad happeningthe redflag large part this cant let anyone based fear another committing redflag fear go im religious sure whole afterlife thing reddit time fear come asking help ive seen doctors meds therapy nothing opened view perpetual state mind ask opinionshelp keep replaying quote im ready die nobody save me head over im  year old male would like help please help im tired feeling