suicidal mostly on since  sometimes better sometimes worse past weeks awfuli graduated loads jobs field could get one easy i hope cannot face job hunting cannot bear prospect rejected industry also incredibly high suicide rate terrified burn make worse back living parents get job place helping either friends live couple hours awayi spent past months self sabotaging degree half arsed finals revision left organising compulsory placement last second think part hoping would fail would finally excuse end it passed honours proud feel numb whole timei eat cannot sleep want die cannot bear thought much would hurt friends family spend time playing computer games instead anything productive speaking friends exhaustingi speaking counsellor helped completely massive breakdown  months ago abusive relationshipi want sleep forever tired whole time know fix head spent many years feeling way know begin fixing myself cannot go like this know get it obviously suicidal think would ever actually anythingplease need advice know begin get life together feeling hopeless need vent advice would help