im broken nothing ever enough keep smilingi feel alone even surrounded people put much weight seemingly unattainable romantic relationship im miserable people love me family friends good career nothing ever enough im broken last week ive heart broken ive stood up ive humiliated bar random girl feigning interest know whats inherently wrong im depressed anxious awkward guess thats enough it im  never relationship outside that ive never even sex shitty part even know get experience every girl talk runs away realize idea im doing want feel love comes romantic relationship friends suggested get escort help personally know one apparently sweet affectionate gorgeous cant it real actually want someone want sex me paid them im far behind ill never catch up wake everyday think killing myself get pain anger inside know alleviate harming destroying things around me though every time latter work feel empty before recently gotten bad cant think anyway feel better killing myself hurts much keep going im afraid death would people like said happy have grateful ive tried hard focused good happy matter cant am try smile bring others down killing me ill never get better im broken