sun blotted out cant live total darknessthe thing stopping hard resetting access firearm far easy way go im weak make situation less miserable live wretched double life pretending someone im not im victim habits entrenched  years misery top ive dumped presumably jerk mind stalling every moments racing million thoughts utterly motivation left ruined life terminal fear redflag socially acceptable cant commit entering eternal sleep without fretting much leave behind hope heart stops beating mourned briefly forgotten about