finally gut courage write hereim anorexic ive anorexic almost decade got better lost many friends destructive souleating disease one day managed somehow get start taking care myself started dating awesome girl really fell love head heels relapsed want vent even writing met lied hurts much confused eating disorder coming back hard fast handle it asked reddit back  the reason even started accounthttpwwwredditcomraskredditcommentsxweeim_a_male_anorexic_and_have_been_keeping_it_a  end chose cowards way tell her left her told feelings anymore want see again tried overdose night failed woke next day covered vomit took soo long much courage attempt one time disappointed woke again afraid try again ive come close im still trying work courage final redflag attempt kill me eating disorder sooner later weight lower whole life ive admitted involuntary hospitals higher weights weight now told seen anybody weeks now im waiting over miss every day ive broken possible contact anyone related her hope never find happened know finds blame want that suffered much already cant cant let happen never dated first place fear might find redflag eating disorder thing actually motivated eat something time time im sick now want over energy almost non existant already make  breaks writing get dizzy sit long bones hurt time now two days ive really sharp pains chest eaten  days straight want fucking over im much coward shoot myself eating disorder kill anytime soon want take pills actually fits decade ive told only girls get eating disorders men get eating disorders cant even get together shoot like should wish would done long time ago even still hope heart stops beating get courage take pills really hope sharp pain chest heart be ive problems heart before pray god finally giving up know im coward hoping that really cant take anymore im gonna die coward gonna come surprise anyone anyway edit sorry felt really dizzy take nap im going answer now promised