edging closer closer killing myself never ever thought would actually it lately starting doubt conviction almost  things getting better live parents umpteenth time life breaking umpteenth time woman umpteen years losing umpteenth job call mental health issues people call laziness  thousand dollars debt student loans schooling never helped get single job never made much minimum wage never even put dent paying loans waste time money school wasi violent thoughts towards time often find thinking violence faceless entities like the government the rich sought mental health help many many years many many forms nothing seems help cope lack success pills make feel less angry less sad really thinking may able hold resolve growing instinct would better ending thingswhat do going hospital never yields results done number times quite frankly need put  hour watch crazy end rope  fucks give going tell parents ex feeling keep stopping feel like putting burden them searched suicide reddit am hope get typical internet responses suppose putting like invites matter what tldr never thought would it life seems like gets worse probably it probably going it