feels like ive pushed edgemy mind reset feels like newfound clairvoyance bottomless pit kept emotions mind mere colander see ever happy never achieve satisfaction happiness sure it incapable feeling sort positivity want spend life slaving away corperation survive unable appreciate anything want unable retire live constant paranoia anxiety may good enough gained home want deal anymore pain life offer ive enough experience every ounce pain hardship die ive felt like since  specifically thoughts awful years today felt far deep now ive started let go hopes die faster disguised health issues cigarettes substance abuse alcohol binge eating sitting around moping name it feel almost certain one point was certain flawed doomed individual feel much time left place here im simply meant earth happiness unreachable want worry family friends came strangers maybe one day heal allow time gamble point