got thrown mental care smoking weedive sick leave  months anxiety got told today wont lengthened tested positive cannabis expect go work agency monday begin looking work even know able work anxiety today feel absolutely shit want die know way out panic attack met doctor asked wanted admitted psych ward refused said might take lvm law care addicts even cannabis use negligible ish grams per month  week break buy more anxiety skyrocketed tried taking emergency medication help even took double dose it happened fell asleep hour woke feeling same could take whole pack emergency medication benzodiazepine mg pills done it want mom live it one finds me able handle fact died idea im longer getting help