lets try againposted before left personal details out willing try again little transparency even sure post much going post bear me ill give condensed version yo female two years ago open marriage dissolved amicably possible im gay left husband best friend woman family disowned me moved different city got decent job year it psychotic episode hospitalized awhile diagnosed bipolar obsessivecompulsive features upon eventual return work bad reaction medication began seizures go disability able take antipsychotics reason stuck mood stabilizer less effective long after car totalled long that found girlfriend cheating quite time nowhere go resolved stay relationship history ibs managed symptoms point unmanageable last year underweight many many diets suggested doctors specialists again medication effective also sensory processing disorder diagnosed young lucky resources cope now biggest sensitivity sound sometimes clothes altogether unbearable heavy lifting always coping mechanism also severe skin problems psoriasis eczema keep breaking dermatologist calls stress rash body incredibly painful times impossible move today swelling severe arms cant put shirt struggling finding appropriate medication also heart murmur many new generation antihistamines negatively effect that lost disability coverage november  since living savings amazed impossible get job apply jobs indeed bottom posting things like  people applied job bachelors graduate work cant even get interviews minimum wage positions overqualified ive also tried applying without listing background dice currently substitute teacher jobs far between countys system since december managed get one work entire time one day work three monthsthinking filing bankruptcy stopped seeing therapist  name debt month going able make even minimum payments note ive unemployment office joke grateful place live gf familys house  hours day party house spd overload fever pitch due chaos nights cannot get sleep like said heavy lifting always helped cope weak able eat hardly lift anything homeless before think again ten years ago much better health gets unbearably hot here mean people die every summer regularly gets  cool night current state health know could survive that future look good me meditate every day used work yoga times possible level physical pain weakness also keep gratitude journal know lot grateful for try write every day things seem really bleak feel like might me advice find online somebody somewhere cares me that even was would change this please comment care me hardly qualifies odd perceptions therapist calls them returning worse stress feel scared also helpless stop it read lot learned helplessness nothing actually helpless also want note brother committed redflag  years ago know happens aftermath know hard is know hellish also know many hells might one them anyone clue survive this