live livemeh suicidal long time now always put thought stuff would improve future realized worth effort sure life could improve put effort far away tired willpower resolve make effort thing scares death what die life improved kinda like the mist indeed cry help someone save me someone guide towards peaceful quick dignified death important bit here  i thinking using numbing spray sharp knife get carotid artery good plan pm suggestions make painless quick thing note probably say please fucking bring back irreversibly brain damaged cost family lotta money keep alive stupid hope recover day kinda  sure this rest  what if scared scared gotta done guess must suffer more