closei start extremely loving family mom greatest thing life reason still alive right now never want make cry second exfriendex best friendlove life second reason still alive great friends also hate using word depression feel like tossed around lot lot meaning behind it extremely depressed really reason why depressed dont want alive living whole life dont care wake morning dont want here going get help already started looking therapists near me one year anniversary dads death days really sure be tried killing twice year already barely holding on told one been bottling years pretending happy time told one person exactly feel been one getting go therapist sucks cant get win life right now going keep trying thing life want right wake alone want someone love next me impossible someone hate myself means unhealthy unfit everything physically look attractive coming onto year  every girl said me one given chance part reason low past years dads death hasnt helped long  year battle cancer spent everyday time loved much miss him always gave good advice good wingman women always tried set girls previous said exfriendexfriendbest friendlove life amazing unfortunately doesnt feeling towards sucks fine happens mental health crap destroying friendship her love her loves friend ended long talk her came understanding ended saying cant friends anymore now need fix brain go back trying friends her lot stress trying love someone used talk ever day morning facetime bedtime facetime matter what still talk care lot actually special amazing friendship ruining that wish things could work us wont complicated imagine stressful cant stop crying almost every second day alone amount time cry want start telling friends mental health late need big push also go see therapist cant sleep night affecting work really need help dont want end news cant stop get another bad low