always hurtsi feel like im running ways cope suicidal thoughts dont really know go here ive suffered anxiety since little struggled eating disorders self harm child age  two hospitalizations got shit together im therapist now finish grad school ill clinical psychologist id like think im good job thanks feedback ive gotten patients families makes feel stupid pathetic cant help myself okay long time months ago fianc struggled mental health years never sought treatment months ago threatened kill psychotic break call hospitalized awhile hes back months meds hes making life unbearable long remember doctors expect handle treatment medication etc career educational background causing chaos home doesnt accept schizophrenia diagnosis doesnt want help hell say wants get better tell hes playing everyone sake it hes putting us thousands debt demands everything working full time school full time managing care full time feel like im drowning mental health worse years know im thoughts im trying take advice reach help nobody takes seriously ive contacted national redflag prevention hotline four times  hours every single time ive waited hour even im connected nobody actually picked sit begging someone answer sobbing started seeing therapist sanity fianc came back rarely get see intense schedule parents juggling depression sisters bipolar disorder glue keeping together cannot go this fianc assumes im angry blows time catches hiding house crying myself try talk starts yelling need calm down tried  cups listeners literally never respond im trying cope healthy ways yoga running working cut today first time long time expecting feel relief didnt im trying hard find ways keep going ive posted lot situation caregiver schizophrenia subgroups people like leave thats problem cant threatened life consulted police victims advocacy groups attorneys see could get restraining order protective order said no physically hurts anything kick apparently could get trouble removing place residence hes treatment would willingly leave ive begged go family across country moved here ive told doesnt want treatment whatever may go home wont gets angry verbally aggressive home name pay bills cant abandon home either im really beginning feel like redflag way out