kinda dont wanna alive anymorei undiagnosed mental illness im pretty sure borderline maybe stuff anxiety childhood trauma yknow cant afford therapist im also petrified death idea killing makes really nervous fucking suicidal breakdowns every days literally anything set off cut hit slam head wall cry hours sucks one talk to mh boyfriend says talk says im sorry whoch fine hes therapist goddamn hurts like im really hard time right close committing redflag person say im sorry like yea get isnt good way respond every single time im upset way always im sorry goddamn hurt want stay alive sake siblings boyfriend dog hate alive much stressed im basically parent siblings continue semester college home im suicidal like every  days pressure already getting me hell school without extra stressors huge freakouts per week im drastically scary im becoming violent im scared ill do god sure know want alive anymore people say listen dont even anything say im fucking scared im abusive guilt trippy im scared everyone going leave cant afford therapy im scared im gonna hospitalized also redflag hotline fucking blows last time tried use told lady wrong like wow sucks yea know really sucks absolutely help all therapy awful  went shitty therapist told nothing wrong even though self harm suicidal intense reactions minor things severe rejection sensitivity yea god want dead bad im scared kill basically im depressed