selfishi admit im selfish even comes redflag dont care advices havent experienced true loneliness family friends etc  miles away them changes person senior developed bipolar disorder away im happy know fell love good chinese lad graduated love life from past sadly became worse human being dissociated refused talk further used think maybe fall love good chinese guy know deep know thats nonsense long carry burden living back love question alas dont ask grandiose things person money drugs alcohol ride die seek adrenaline rush together  partners crime would rob bank together steal drugs pharmacy must digress end facing music head dont anything look forward death set free mental illness excruciating dont expect people understand care could slowly feel shutting down