manipulation tacticsim entirely sure im expecting get thisits probably pointless waste time maybe writing things like helpful maybe selfdefeating even know theres practical advice give me seeing im even willing share incredibly shallow perspective is hope take word it id rather go further people usually start sort thing ever ask why everyone hate me meaning sound calloused kind cliche wondering true anyways reason ask feel little place feeling opposite know people love me thats im always trying escape im insincere twofaced hypocritical socialdevelopment involved putting walls hardly tell whether im honest not think helps make manipulative realize manipulative best friend became drug addict killed himself knows maybe im trying manipulate relieving conscience enough kill myself id probably end stopping short redflag get sympathy attention others could feel better myself work take painkillers use cannabis back injury got working really drink much though friend died im also religious feel distant things value most doubts fear frustration pain im friendless ive lost sense community future hope thoughts eaten away conscience ive left feeling empty anxious afraid wanted feel better want happy again sucks things get much worse thought already bad realize bad times best times life memories cherish forever well forever long want remember anymore