keep ruining every friendship havefor many years ive known something wrong me go depressive phases push people away think killing myself kind ruin every friendship have little week ago tried kill baker acted days talked doctor diagnosed borderline personality disorder still think killing constantly throughout day constantly think go far again know complete right place post this figured feelings would every friend pushed away one support group had lost ive resorted drinking taking pain killers im drinking numb pain have im supposed getting meds help depression going wait insurance kick in know much longer be think weeks least know every day things get harder harder friends talk acted im victim this could controlled actions said things did tried push away still make pain less feel alone want friends back