feel like im ultimately going die handsmy whole life story necessary im going post make feel better used live michigan many hobbies much computer day ive always smart like saying that feel like everyone whos dumb says thing seems like true taking consideration results tests ive taken past end high school never really felt depressed never happy smile never depressed graduated hated life boring dull legitimate purpose friends real life  really desire better i better need live happy internet food electricity shelter see point living decided since going kill reason move wherever damn well felt like it did left free housing food left free college education would say dumb would one people saw differently then understand point view truly going kill myself better leave live stay dieeven staying dying would substantially better idea moved really far away state unnamed confidentiality moved there could meet best friends internet real life had lived with girlfriend actually enjoyed life ffw year tried hard could find job money ran out valentines day know myself cant kill would destroy girlfriend cant leave same cant find job cant work job finding system advantage hell cant even get weed smoke ee make matters worse ive lived year parents house barely contributed ive paid like mo rent feel like useless person girlfriends brother pretty much told much today trying make girlfriend feel better argument mom fucking valentines day basically im trying find job still im also going try move back michigan march attempt finish college girlfriend may lost scholarships probably wont find job ill probably well possibly lose housing soon think life good one ultimately turns ill homeless guess ill kill myself legitimate reason come suffering ultimately worse death regardless temporary suffering think worst part initially going kill large amount privilege reason live im going kill reasons live my girlfriendi love much  privilege or least possibility good life really reason post guess since people saying dont kill yourself help kill years now think wanted get chest feel terrible today honestly almost decided take gram mxe gamble life away decided to still probably closer redflag today ever been