heyim really sure ive joined group im posting here reading posts really dont think anything complain about but life feels pointless good job friends dont particularly dislike alive im lonely bored never goes away matter do engage hobbies distract myself theyre always there lurking waiting moment distractions end ive suicidal thoughts since  mid thirties now theyre pronounced ever already understand theyll go away point theyll also come back ive never actually happy moments im bored every dont feel lonely again even sure im posting this im rambling guess im craving attention dont want bother friends much kind talk anyway sorry writing much guess wanted vent thanks reading