consider suicidal buti dont know right place post yeahh say im suicidal see future happy living world maybe im lazy idk im pretty analytical think killing would best option im afraid dying know im going kill myself im junior highschool help understand means really ever feel motivated im really happy time im particularly depressed sorry ramble ive talked doctor not depression terrible adhd mom loses job im it dont feel like dealing shit dont feel like ever anything prolly going delete ramble tldr  cant imagine future dont want live backwards society consider suicidal wonder anybody else knows feel