broke birthdayive fallen love twice life ive finally found second person dont force feelings towards makes feel alive makes feel something else depression helped get last love happy got him happy cried hyperventilated happy excited first time someone actually love loved back cheated didnt give him gave second chance thought ive done wouldve enough not first person ever cheated on me now birthday today right now long distance relationship came visit me everything went well started asking would hate left me could never hate him left me cant look knowing person friend cant look knowing doesnt love me nothings going right recently lost clean year today lost clean month best friend really suicidal got scammed money barely even feel like alive anymore want zero reasons kill myself want able kill myself want peace need break head going explode