im probably getting theretldr depression go crippling levels finished university  years ago life pushing towards edge work specific im tired convincing people im dumb basically theres one manager keeps belittling previous experience basically enterprise php engineer im cloud java engineer never codemonkey going year almost even episode introduced feature yet needed laughed overengineering things end ended realizing actually need right make it basically like time  go beyond get laughed see actually right decision maybe last part always im fairly sure pretty good engineering systems work code bad best anyways maybe really shitty engineer though knows im depressed theres literally nothing else life work ive started become depressed situation work ive drinking recently got control today im sure anymore im tired fighting healthy whole life like that someone picks time fight back politeness stellar performance helped past  scumbag professors university stellar work stopped bullying saw im lazy idiot seem work im asking whether want live life gonna like whole life like things ahead endless suffering bullying come think it maybe life people there someone always bullies you whats funny get bullied school pretty healthy relationship classmates