want exist earth anymore afraid kill reasons want failed suicide which likely would be think need elaborate obvious reasons probably kill parents grandmother sister passed away couple years ago already want leave dog someone else do judge mei know people say afraid commit suicide actually want live true want actually kill myself would much rather freak accident occur takes life persons fault wrong ie could never jump front traintruck would never want traumatize person driving anything like that drunk driver would deserve it make sense anyone feel strange time thoughts want live afraid kill myself