really like idea going high noteor high note possible anyway someone usually talk suicidal thoughts ideas hate coming reddit this want talk this reasons obvious others cant bothered explain matters much ive wanted kill several times last months acted it every time mess  id angry stressed whatever else ive failed second year uni feel like nothing contribute future also doubt ability simply keep top things go fend myself based depression prevented quite lot past years last night different idea redflag calmed me instead making worse ive felt way before think intensely suicidal then less likely anything towards offing myself long break til uni starts repeat year trip japan lined visit old friend lives now feels good time subtly say goodbye friends like idea enjoying right get back uni struggle reality might sound ridiculous  m capable enjoying now end it thing idea killing whats preventing feeling completely useless suppose im cutting losses ive failed hnc equivalent first year university similar reasons im ton debt ive scraping everything since school im also studying music hard work actually want make money also feel like ive picked useless subject im really awkward space absolutely hating people go full stemlord sometimes kind agreeing them ive struggling keep things lately see getting worse time goes on im meds going second round cbt stick first time really feel im making much progress now minute musing ive method lined ages now things need make work need plan actual event ive felt useless long calmed wanting kill welcome feels right way ive done nothing deserve good things life ive unable anything myself whether ill actually at least im feeling thinking right now know obviously previous experience suggests wont feel like surviving rough patch waiting out time feels like real solution stress selfloathing hard explain know im asking advice such suppose want input coming here also wanted think loud guess