im sick dealing lifeim  diagnosed depression anxiety ptsd  due trauma related dad lost custody  feeling form regret life bad moments even tiny bit close mom treats me divorce remember telling im older ill see much monster mom is time brushed mom forced thinking psychotic monster see talking about emotionally verbally abused day day constantly guilt tripped need here ive worsening suicidal thoughts since  im writing room mom trying hold back tears close ending it family memebers go to grandparents family friends even friends go to ive called cps never form wellness check cant go therapy im planning ending soon sounds dramatic really cant wait another  years im scared mom im scared continuing live