seeking life adviceim one people who kill myself would probably generate reaction he everything going him which surface somewhat true grew without financial care world went top private university adult im perfect health decent physical shape im close family really good friendships dated continue date accomplished attractive women problem im early s completely financially dependent parents dropped law school decade ago pursue passion career arts received legitimate positive notices work generated meaningful commercial interest  years honing craft putting there made penny seem closer anytime soon meantime ive held lowpaying unpaid jobs internships recently quit job  years small nonprofit paid little clerical tasks eventually took marketing position someone else left knew nothing marketing relatively terrible it ended quitting year poor performance reviews im shysensitive feel highly unsuited office jobs seem fit coworkers discovered towards end time mocked behind back though still middle school degree useless liberal arts field despite hundreds job applications received responses positions ive interested applying to probably lack experience even know applying anymore true passion creative pursuits continue hold hope eventually people take interest creative work feels like pipe dream network draw upon find good jobs cant identify practical graduate degree would interested attaining best take yet another clerical position somewhere seems like ticking time bomb feel horrible guilt shame living nice apartment cant afford ive therapy years various prescription medications done little help also feel guilty even feelings people real traumatic experiences lives want die suffering pales comparison still think killing time want live life failed dreams zero passions want office drone want kind recognition intelligence creativity use way earns decent living earning money something hate enough creative pursuits satisfy hobby know killing would hurt care me obviously feel guilt or anything died reason enough stay alive one choose stay alive sole purpose preventing others unbearable grief feel like im failing life guidance disappointment welladjusted family often go sleep wishing wake up life feels incredibly disappointing unfulfilling given choice whether exist picked this said before know problems first world anybody advice move forward kind situation way trick brain caring passions finding meaning bland existence thanks helpadvice