want shoot facei always say make post either stop feeling suicidal feel unnecessary hate everything right now just hate hate live hate im doing hate much today work absolutely nothing hate nothing want kill myself get terrified prospect tried  right around time last year actually  failed however feeling euphoria got trying indescribable kept going weeks weeks afterwards happy tried live somewhere decent gun control laws id shot now know this high level concern actual methodology keeps considering methods fantasize stepping top parking garage think high enough kill me not want live horrible way would cost family lot money actually money right now got little manic overspent first week april month car insurance payment wiped money get paycheck friday many friends really wish people go things with miss friends high school would drop house say hey come us people seem that  never sex ive never even really dated anyone stupid want someone time get married kids someday ive never even dated chances point something horrible wrong me know people seem think im really strange sometimes therell someone likes me never someone like people like understand me seem interest romantically feel like paranoid freak want somebody anybody somebody love loves enough want keep around want discarded im bad friendships stuff people nearby me overthink things cant turn brain off want included seem like people interested including me think im badlooking fashion hairstyling things come naturally me know probably look good girls city im smart im usually pretty funny cant make stupid hair cant figure anything with ive gotten good fashion thing guess thats it reddit like site lot know everything else point im tired broke miserable