second redflag attempt minutes ago tied neck untied know hell stopping mei  dreamt redflag first time reason parents wanted wear certain religious clothes even though want i know thats weird reason got many reasons led suicidal thoughts like low exam marks bullies etc im  beginning year feeling empty even know reason depressed time im chronically depressed remember reasons often wanted get overdose painkillers got  stopped sat cried know stopped nowadays ive feeling empty again still troubles parents religious stuffs decided love learn im member religion would even kill me believe love always tell no one loves much us parents love benefits religion daughter made feel numb even want talk parents cant even talk them know talk them tonight mom came room even say hi could say this room small better leave angrily left said be happy phone feel numb feel something people everything seems cold mom went bedroom grabbed bathrobe belt tied neck wanted tie part ceiling hands started shaking that get guts that body shaking thinking nothing ah stupid forgot even writing redflag letter written redflag letter told im atheist committed redflag would angry instead sad maybe even let corpse buried would feel die nothing me know stopped me im seriously angry myself im  years old life continue like this depressed time want this want get rid soon possible cant it ps going say encourage commit redflag inside heart sound saying hope people may give advices chronical depression even mean want kill myself im confused yes want die want die well know do ill go sleep