so suicidal along time actually started get better really depressed so got job taco bell seems back old self self pity party wanting nothing end it working shows fucked worth it worth working trying save money stuff would easier gone point working   everyday hate pay bills life worth living actually thought would feel better getting job feel ten times worse wife noticed hope worth itthe strain marriage mental health hope extra money worth itdoes feel like it trading happiness happy marriage extra cash maybe fault sucking up sostuck behind money ruinsmy life getting better going backwards