ive thinking redflag moreive really suicidal twice life well sort of first time planned told someone anything second time told then girlfriend suicidal belonged hospital ended happening thought put detox instead alcoholism lately thoughts coming back im rehab sober three months still there lately ive even thinking would include redflag note like formatting it know would it sucks much feel like tonight im going door it always lingers mind brought psychiatrist today told thoughts returning extent it pretty much said start going outside shit blah blah like said want tell therapist rehab case manager afraid send higher level care want sent somewhere like hospital whatever job trying start new life here maybe stress getting me like things start going bad mind goes could kill myself everything end worry it also worry sometimes think want it attempt it attention makes feel like piece shit even worse starts circle making think even more taking medication every night like should alcohol fuck man wrong me know normal thinking would like dead im sorry ramble need fucking tell somebody started get point think lot everyday thanks reading