year turn    months tell truth sitting time bomb impulsive liar forever going justify like plan it lie everything things mundane time something extreme grade in parents think going senior year never even passed first math class reason got third time passed everyone virus turned upit clawing every day hell even enrolled year lied showing classes bullshitted way whole year playing video games instead school work always told if tells work always justified i would get paid work would it thing even true fuck mater earliest graduate time drinking ageevery day stuck thinking morning damn thoughts what life every fucking day keep waking thinking every time go play games thing enjoy even sure fun anymore know anything else tried going outside taking dog walk bunch things none gets heart problem actively avoiding work kind mentioned time bomb earlier meant   months parents find sign classes probably even get higher  year classes last yeari t diabetic sometimes night get dark thoughts head straight think all would take sleeping pills could od insulin would go coma bed probably die anybody noticed known sleep sometimes pm would easy thing holding back knowing friends family would sad happens realize nothing manipulate people liking never work already see kind person turning like staring ati would live handouts like leech stuck thinking what better die think suicidal realize lies go deeper far let see ending avoid confrontation always suicidal thoughts ever since  never intense long know could think straight could think something cannot every time start thinking things come back this panicked thinking suicide want kill firmly atheist expect anything eternal rest diei stupidest things try fix depression word besides maybe intense redflag thought tried social friendly tried funny guy time went would get better tried getting better shape see everything else would follow starting better hygiene tried getting back touch close friends nothing worked served distractionif name worse thing though fun anymore maybe started lying tricking people fun though fun anymore lied corner got claw way out spent past  months playing games ignore responsibilities  months worked hell might even work  but passed collapse yelling screaming know comes considering thoughts even now doubt something smartto tell truth pretty sure wrote pity true looking solutions already know them tell parents classes contact school sign classes work ass pass works well easy solution mundane problem asshole know am asshole shame admit truth fix life lazy piece shit like putting forth effort live better happens live life play work money back it maybe one day door door salesman piss offsorry bout long night thinking bad thoughts going go sleep stupid post situation internet tell thoughts situation tend overlook solutions one headtldr lazy piece shit wants pity lazy piece shit story guess