hang method self harm rather pleasureive struggled feelings depression anxiety since child even  would withhold eating sick would dry heave despite parents always providing meals trying force eat  years old would intentionally start fights order beat kids up quickly put stop parents one else take anger graduated cutting  breaking things  couldnt handle frustration thoughts self hate would cause destroy items loved whenever didnt work wanted moment im incredibly sensitive keep feelings inside friends acquaintances idea violent side me mid s ive learned destroy things instead take frustration hanging everything goes white disconnected action didnt even realize reason neck would burn bathed bruises irritation ropes viewed hangings attempting redflag chickening recently realized form self harm get sexual gratification it past  years ive done approximately  times know better ways relieve stress none provide instant numbness job well done feeling bad habits do