think killing everyday tried hard deny literally truth matter good day think alivei constantly immerse art keep thinking it put happy face family get worried face  like past triggering none really care like oh wants kill let find leavegossip doi tend isolate friends know struggle this sad calls everyone laughing back mind literally know severe breakdown hour ago feel like fake sometimes want overwhelm people problems shut upi struggle feel empty matter achieve helpful tons self care matter know happiness feel shift minutesi know disorder strong effect draining hurts live hurts even know sometimes often lose interest whatever comes back leaves cycle feels vicious exhausted