read time guesshi need anyone read maybe leave comment feel fucking alone whole life shit show abusive father drugs lived poverty entire childhood live extremely small town small bores me feel stuck also dont enough money move anything big mothers side family doesnt speak me neither fathers really nobody except siblings mother recently ive lost friends girl ive loved years doesnt want me im idiot trying take ged classes currently struggle basic math reason left high school depressed anxious everyday couldnt it ive like since elementary everyone nice life except feels like would nice go buy something eat something without worrying money ive depressed long im tired battle dont know do im terrified death hurting mother siblings sometimes urges reach nightstand take whole bottle pills digs me past week especially embarrassing self harm too  ps diagnosed borderline personality disorder  feel like loser wish could different life even better never born bit messed post much correct grammar probably late want kill lol im also sick telling people feel getting told go sleep think something positive hurts much try hard live getting difficult anyways let know thinking sorry