think tonights nightim tired im tired job im tired school im tired alone im tired nothing day nothing fun anymore people used ask wanted life idea anymore maybe never did friends care guess lost years ago quit swim probably biggest mistake life filled them better tried harder better friend fucked up another one failings tried much harder could done much more could much more im even sure im making post know me care last time made post like told cut self pitying arrogance sure expect  pills  mg citalopram here im sure thats enough kill me im also drunk another bottle generic version lamisil here lamisil even real medicine think prescribed fix weird fungal thing toenail would even anything probably not maybe im lucky enough send way maybe ill end psych ward might fun find out funny feel depressed now sad either kinda relieving choice could bottle maybe go somewhere better im sitting staring bottles old swimming trophies ribbons guess thing good at real accomplishment  fucking years talking friend today whos swim meet would give another one would give anything one day high school swim good old days go ruin i miss days never get back i im sorry fucked up fucked badly done better im sure ranting boring point guess ill stop care