ready goi want kill self seriously dont give fuck anymore im  ive spent whole life forcing shit happy always same friends go dont care see anymore force take new things hoping ill find answer push limits comfort zone hoping meet new people fleeting bull shit genuine lasting connections death seems like best option dad says need strong selfless stick around family dont care dont want live feeling like shit  tried fucking hard always get shit on wanted find somebody loves understands older get realize thats bull shit try try really fucking hard never works countless attempts know soul never dont kill self ill end alone parents eventually die itll married siblings kids spinning wheels like fucking loser shitty fucking loser get with