planned kill st even thati finished senior school last year since ive preparing college without everpresent stress school keep distracted mind gone shit sleep odd hours im writing  random amounts time spend night thoughts keep company best year guess th november decided id end st december counted day even feeling weird jolt excitement realised november  days instead  wanted check soon possible wake nd december realise still alive never real plan even note drafted guess hoped could wish dying sleep every night hope actually wish death ill die sleep guess im lazy even that cant believe thought actually guts it im joke