need help deal suicidal thoughtsso im always hyper sensitive guy always deal sensibility closing everyone ultil meet girl see opportunity trust  years later history became history intense abuse cheating violence pretty much like mother sometimes love heart sometimes hate intensity one never see hate come one word one behavior tolerate this timeline lost gramma mother like family person sometimes understand me moments beautiful moments se purpose life im easy person adhd depression abuses became alcohool adict fact never hate dont even know hate someone hurt someone purpose tenth time dumped crisis pass like  days taking care sexuals issues talking showing hurting herself  days birthday lot alcohool cant face hate start scream her got away block phone ims stuff find sttrugling lot classical suicidal thoughts dont even know do im  days without sleep right eat finding motive end all