wake feeling sickly morning constant feeling emotional breakdown go hide bedroom minutes cry cannot cry feel emotionally constipated children around want see crying know going me honestly never felt like before distract feel heartbeat increase scared panic attack bath night though heart attach drowned children find next morning could relax got out thoughts time sometimes thoughts children murdered assaulted soon fall sleep oh sleep able sleep long time feel soo alone today cannot call family friends even say them explain understand really hurting today hurting