thought life changed years still tired sad growing fast working everyday job hate trying find motivation nothing gotten truly feel great worth it always wanted start dating someone scared worth time make things difficult parents always ridiculing good enough hurts even more gotten low started cutting feel like need punish absolute fool human thing stopping putting bullet skull religious values covid opened new world showed could work every day even make close amount money people unemployment sit home asses day feel like one factor life redflag it wish could enjoyed younger years more grown hellish schedule people could care less size turds shorter average man women weak always looked upon man work looked said smile more told nothing smile about back self harming