im pathetic im seriously considering redflag concertthis probably catalyst feel ive spent months figuring fucking everything trying get together money see concert might lifetime thing me cant go ive massive fan member group want see  years half life first time hes coming state career hes different country could never happen again im seeing it job ocd body dysmorphia sort traumatic experience donating plasma even that accidentally sold valuable pokemon cards  clerk even give quarter cleaned best friends house saturday money turns money friday concert literally today late night everything gone wrong said one thing going miss im going fucking miss it crying tears joy happiest felt long time thought getting money go best friend thing staying alive for everything snowballing one thing another tired limbo able live able die fucking pathetic right im home alone feeling unstable dangerous cant stop crying woke up start terrible spiral even care