reason havent attempted family would after mean move back burden themi f  start ive never actual attempt ive thought redflag lot even weeks ago researching type pills take specifically ive never done before havent seeked help cant afford im scared hate asking help moved new state parents siblings  miles away one best friend within hour live currently live alone recently furloughed left thoughts hardly real distraction like work used provide started dating someone march million red flags ignored believed different still living ex kids kept promising going move soon live hes distant recently today finally admitted wasnt ready leave soon jumped relationship soon break up dont feel way break up ive depressed long time feeling like losing person confide world person thought future sent spiral main question is admit failed growing moving independent move back parents dont kill myself feels cowardly burden like dont know it hope continuing live quarantine