whole homo sapien social creature thing messed upupfront apologies walls text multitude reasons shouldnt thinking this family frustrations them cares overall sister always looked me love death like line work overall include coworkers ive met lot interesting people last years all im poor dont chronic health problems im completely honest lot people would kill life guess thats much different sentiment could always worse though am go court restraining order days ive broken mended heart times before different werent together long didnt take long get hurt still bruises part hand still numb antibiotics bite almost with remember screaming help realizing could actually loud knowing noone would answer chilling even moreso chilling knowing everyone taken story face value deep down im actually believed probably because great disgust im male like slowly one one ive shared trans mtf variety close me everyone listens doesnt get it still say hehim still deadname me dont look prototypically female im military present male almost everyday havent hrt long enough dont sound female hormones dont change it self taught shit hard challenge ill rise to find even closest dear wont care fact noone outright pushed away little comfort fact noone embraced old new either im here stray cat hold together  time everyone gets along with greater arms length distance social shell confusing anyone crack flavor anxiety native close relationships cant name describe  different psychiatrists one one becoming perplexed absolving responsibility almost always choosing run risks loneliness familiar pain ability precious somethingsomeone come from daydream affection persistent cant find anywhere did her abuse price im meant pay ive got howwhenwhere settled dont end it survive this could even come wiser resilient it im humbly bowing existence ive part play said much already anyone read this thank you wish well