yesterday breakdown almost fully decided kill myself im scared happen dont know doim diagnosed depression many factors mix together caused depressed seriously thinking killing past two years best way would be serious problems ive dealt ones happened yesterday reason seemed really get me guess im lonely dont know anymore dont friends family trust love me yesterday got argument girl started talking basically friends girl im talking seems think im manipulating friend telling am sucks actually really like hurt would think that dont talk  friends anymore ditched many times havent done anything wrong realized deserve better cut nobody talks dont talk nobody one specific friend mad asked order something online taking long shes asked proof cannot provide email moms asked order it rarely talk mom begin family issues seeing home rare things happened past  hours close going everything dont know decided today isnt day im hurting lot im honestly scared myself dont know react next time something happens need advice do maybe situation improve happy whatever means ive gone doctors im comfortable talking things someone person like that seem get anxious become mute like purpose either cant seem talk someone things ive never able talk someone anything serious person help please 