im fucking scaredso fam outside room finish went next window saw view body shaking scared managed calm fantasized jumping would feel mind telling jump much fear accidently dropped phone cousin came room cause felt something wrong saw next window didnt even realize tears coming eyes asked wdong like nothing wind laughed didnt believe worked wanted leave time didnt want late ask help left feeling scared nervous wanted write made sad wrote went my immediate family talks behind back makes sad real sad laughing living room im contemplating redflag single tear drops eyes silent scared someone find im crying cause half family sees positive dude suicidal depressed teen hates life learned cry silently know shout tears wouldnt come early age cause man isnt supposed cry honestly pains cant cry infront anyone whole family thinks im failure even tho failed mom dad every one failed went therapy didnt help first time life im telling story apologizing people lied never abused well bad say emotionally tho thats whole different story mom loving bat shit crazy matter seconds country fucking shit hole life bad country probably even shittier uncle came room told close window doesnt know wanna jump brother entered shaved shitty beard looking smiley happy told gtfo hate hate fucking face voice everything everybody tells look like tell im starting sound like used beat fight cause dad used beat still dont know wrong ghosts real turn one die  haunt scare shit hit way hit scare even worse scared type older brother beats younger one idolizes uncle older girl wife funny dick honestly failed didnt go get brother shitty situation lived block  year moved another block two blocks apart wouldnt see months honestly im tired life way things going especially covid quarantining shit probably going last words unless dont kms one friend talks time time lucky bastard one lotto got green card sometimes fantasize winning lotto letting fam come wont ever happen sometimes leave small hints know im suicidal even told brother dont think really care cutting lately redditor tell becomes habbit didnt listen frame cats scratches wont help long honestly wanna put redflag note wanna jump every time think cry silently always playing knife game hit knife space fingers im pretty good cut last time fun risk surprise pain theinsanity know anyways might last thing ever wrote might night wont save survive fall bye world sad depressed like ok time jump bodys instinct called brother told get uncle could talk cause didnt want die dont want fo die telling self body still feels scared think im still scared well unc sleeping like must sign already went ledge room holding window jump told shouldnt fear fatass breaking window jump held thinking way fall one leg slipped body nervous cold felt iran _ celcius weather freezing outside managed grab window make footing write yelled mom come mom come panicked told didnt care gonna break window roll thats got hugged mother ages feeling alone cried asked happened pissed told sho could gtfo let die peice well thats uncle woke coming room hughing like wtf said dream jumped window fell grond paralyzing self still living managing say one word lonely fucked well half cried tears little whimper told going happen got even scared nkw dont wanna kill self im done fear already pushed boundries went ledge heart hurts thinking last night idk end please kill know terrified