chance get help take iti remember physical taking doctors asked fill mental evaluation survey asked felt sort depression thoughts redflag rating kind thing could fill out mom kept saying no hes happy hes fine filled paper positive scores surprised little say given suppose expected since never showed it flash forward realize much bad decision was ive contemplating redflag lot often now cant open anyone heart sinks given moment im alone got one hold talk to im exhausted unmotivated hollow feel wasting away gotten bed day get food go back bed