feeling very offrecently dumped girl  years absolutely loved month ago although long still feels surprisingly fresh thought things subsided going alright ever since week ago slow steady weight pushing being wake morning terrified start day spending time staring vacantly wondering things playing out ever since left really realized much best friend me could tell anything intimate her intimacy never treasured enough gone missing sorely could release frustration her starts bottle inside regardless attempts blow steam creative physical vents like said week ago weight started pile up kept growing growing morning got up waited bed while finally made quick breakfast changing work clothes noticed familiar itch behind eyes matter seconds crying crying hard gasping quietly tried push tears push away gentle numbing pain pushed back much harder time able subside went work attacked again home took shower absolutely broke down kept thinking i broken again feel broken feel wrong feel odd fit am close thought close to ever since week ago fantasies killing garnered attention terrifyingly enough vivacity detail one morning found going intros letters head morning happened felt genuinely scared first time maybe telling everything going okay not maybe things going right ive afraid face that terrifying coming full force struggled entire life selfimage issues overweight unfit fact biked  miles sometimes see way hate myself hate every action do sit now friends voided self image shattered one person made truly happy another man probably okay feel right god im starting cry again know embarrassing is met friend home earlier today could barely choke words face covered tears glad talk to one friend plus shell get tired hearing incessant whining this honestly cannot promise everything going okay feel right feel odd off know happened know anymore