struggling decide doim  year old woman suffered various mental illnesses since young age ive abused neglected child led developing borderline personality disorder major depression cptsd panic attacks bulimia compulsive skin picking disorder self harm addiction current situation complicated summarize leave job last fall due redflag attempt leaving hospital sought outpatient treatment put aside fiancs agoraphobia advanced point longer leave apartment reason all result neither us employed im working state ssi hopefully receive benefits help us struggling mentally  afraid coming lazy freeloader genuinely unable go function normal adult should threat eviction electric turned off multiple elements situation making receiving public assistance nearly impossible us im losing sense hope desire alive seems gone afraid hurt myself many responsibilities right leave everything go hospital im sure do know im trapped stay strong handle things us going away try get better