failed would like read hell kill myselflets start beginning age almost   dropped high school finally free kind filthy wasting time institution filled monkeys classmates decaying structures absent teachers nation really point thus decided get involved people either decay rest projecting life end december  wouldve  three months firsts april always suffered kind depression since bornt never really gave care always found reason mind stronger along fact never really cared social priority thus getting people youngsters around age follow wouldve explained path political projects would like talk here may sound strange nation situation thats every single child despise interest seems forced bear understand order survive behaviour well finally thought wouldve free live selftaught autodidact throught always believed best polymaths type habitat circumstance able study whatever needed projects kind educations perhaps even graduating high school onetwo years giving exam selftaught possible even though really seems necesarry anymore here considering neither university students get job mention university students show usually behave like arrogant brats whoms school paid daddy flee away country still complaining even anything change situation already projects ready every single disciplinesubject chosen specific type education school could get best advanced details every one for example scientific school schedule subjects chemistry such mechanic institute mechanics language obviously languages literature electrnocis much more course projects sadly mature throught time though becoming thus devided differently mainly studying eight hours lightly training every hour eating every six hours since even working since six years still underweight struggle food take care projects finishing studies going gym two hours eating making food next days going sleep four hours going night job like baker one either security guard starting beginning daily routine least since  comes real problem like really stressed three times trying get kind institute first one pass next class rejected many time absent really say ive never ever absent single class entire school life point barely even really sick started feeling strange nervous slow depressed sometimes remain night awake trying desperately drink coffee studying able remain awake day class thought wouldve better always talking december  third institute scam ive betrayed two girls ive directly trying friends with always happen start getting hated life matter much courtesy show happens be really known enough people tell behavious since try always test people since trying different behaviours spountaneous one emotional either caring getting people instinct even tho always understand others due natural matured perception life thats also school life ive always remained home wasting time now even enthusiastic new life everything started sleeping much usual feeling hope everything else even getting house occasionally every two months period met wrong people made lose time even though met people around internet political projects social personal matters also matured learn various courses getting job music seaplane course region fighting courses usual shaolin gym thus also started refusing parents money also countrys legal age getting job  also wanted travel know people finally train regularry get stronger gain weight im   lbs lose lbs skipping meal even eating six day week wanted finally find soulmate hopefully make spouse  like projected finish projects start writing works along much more another external point ive hypersexual since bornt sexually active sinec  literally entering middle school wouldve done harem determination get stuck home since libido wouldve following seducing girls everywhere bad never couragedetermination ask relationship im inevitabely honest  stupid brat wished sex saw nothing wrong nowaday call friends benefits always believed relation ship needed wouldnt kneel fron woman hopefully time wouldve changed would start appreciate traditions like always defended culture many ancestors mine died it become pure nationalist even knowing biologically shows possible excludeed civilized rational society leaving political views aside made think awful get girl sex thus wanted find girl life wouldve gave love sex with since would even want anyway real sin life im  three months still sexual experience except light touching clothers girl middle school cousins nothing feel frustrated ashamed lost failed really always thought holding verginity  pathertic always sure id lose  connects fact find even girl life with mean reading even novels true story even people  sex makes furiously rage force sleep order feel pain depression like ive done two years now bullshit say everything couldve project life routine finding that finishing else also able  marry live good family house countryside bride since family trees parents usually save money sonsons home even always telling deserve single cent others money legally addressed me able it  couldve moved ass remained active everyday finding girl right properties couldve ask make woman instead anything spent time getting active one week month felt strenght make eat wash myself thats it obviously done something like two travels filled fridge shopping meals one summer it even travel summer like idiot still stubborn wanitng earn money remaining home trying get job four times two years find hope thought deserve travel without constructivecultural purpose like meant to either find girl outside view cultural place meeting people location get around summer fun get laid many years virgin firstly believe fun also thought wouldve finally see bride promise purity last months lost it asked many times parents give euthanasia since strenght finish like two years ago projecting travel around dying get laid like wanted much time since also spent life computer knowing eromanga works maturing culture it getting work even resulting maturing commonly others  personal studies conducted since school like computer science else also get furiously jealous angry much else even finding mere male character  less years works mean i years couldve also studied computer sceince well cant even make program since know html bullshit sql started c even wanted code since  last institute ive girl particular three months older cute liked ghibli movies felt like getting hated suspect reason left also school private scam paid parents never inform themselve even gave warning suggested finally send normal school girls well third institute boys schools computer science studies met girl months ago nearly two years even giggling telling missed me receiving mt  amethyst collar present everything kept ignoring whatsapp considering live far other telling found annoying even nearly even writing fact annoy anyway attention second time fallen love girl considering third school wouldve show front house morning freezing cold shirt since always try give example way youth strenght nowadays even  degrees people act like eskimo first time girl middle school stalked time order approach ever since end school never getting able to end  fel righr courage many times house rang bell asked could talk hear well intercome poor sound could understood couldntdidnt want come reason meet me now except caring three months ill damn eighteen years old hell cope without hanging right now know even single girl entire life since never relation none got two years never could sexual experience holding lose bride get job save money future even finish computer science studies im talking electronicts mechanics bullshit understand jobs get highschool degree train eat properly two days getting depressed again sleep feel hurt even  hours feast writing anything projects work on travel anywhere ive done fucking nothing two years even knowing never able get even sexa age connects everything else make feel shit even give like always ive done life would eventually fail thus feel forced save energies remained look people even work ass anything get every merit last societys burocracy failed driving license driving motorcycle cc strenght motivation study theory lazy ass questions without kind reasonable logic written badly poorly showed discrepance every question answer studied anyway remember notion every single damn one even though impossible remember many were considering indeed possible mentioned everyone remember all would think find trick reason well let tell something question particular logic side could even try reason about thus know mnemonic tracts obviously failed got right next time studying three days occasionally next time drive found forced ask help mothers friends even bigger bikes order learn gears everything since shitty schol sadly paid instead selftaught watch learn either give impossible instructions without letting practice learn gears ride third lession thus three hours next times one could legally make drive road could learn self taught thus thrown road without knowledge schoo get pression stopped every two time never getting drive alone first time failed walky talky used poor audio got wrong side mistake second time drove fastly enough create traffic blockage gave priority it always use lights evetything perfectly got rejected anyway last point surpassed vehicle stuck even remaining line like do problem road indications go straight right left left seen ordered last second due helmet people drived slow even without good capabilites passed anyway reasons day knew kill destroyed everything failing hang myself im emotive person even really sensible usually feel anything time frustration tough bear even remember last time able cry feel touched cry even watching the wind rises graveyard fireflies cinema feeling depressed hurting feeling inside weighting everytime more tried also find anygirl would watch first movie withe desperation since cute girl last institute anymore try work projects three months remaining maybe get laid finish  im still trying see either hang myself get euthanasia gun getting weapons license either drink mix poisonous sedative herbs interested herbalism years well submit fate keep spending days sleeping jerking off trying study struggling eat wash since also stubborned train every shower even weak farely mostly beating wishing if could turn  again miracle could save me even ive fought for even talking miracles change since everyday wake feels like nightmare anyway even real acquaintance know since six years slowly decaying hes always introvert like weve seen years skype youtube far away tried teach make see opportunities had even difficult situation eventually got girlfriend year happy even little jealous sinec hes one year younger well bad days seems getting destroyed personality mantained discolourating hair piercing lips eyelobs like someone really bad likely talk leaving world also never friend life well fact consider bride woman tho mix become one considering wife real right arm helper every man believe person might call freind one entire world one never complains about utmost loyalthy other faith would sacrifice like would himher thats far got contacts acquaintances never wife never finish single project never live countryside house family never able mature advanced studies like medicine engineering never able redeem nation id die noawadys dacaying society never able write anything projected never travel know people never get strong able fight like never got to also defend family never feel satisfaction sacrifice never get wasted youth back get part  know many sounds stupid either lost virginity certain age marry  wanted live fresh period youth showing life short live laziness many people would suffer laziness parasitism id liked girl age two years younger projecting life projects youth would wait  redeem wasted time sensations different strenght different way opportunities come changes everything done right ahead like should thats wouldve perfect get least learn computer science work home gardening diy become indipendent getting girl know mature could finally live together theres little time tho could even bear move  theres still little time redeem two years wasted also thing weights forces feel regret fact even losing whole  wasted time instad panicking getting work thats unacceptable know regret wasted time schedule wanted create step step everything th year considering also person always even slapping cant get strenght except im starving survive either start stink everytime burden starts weight sleep else feel pain ive always even done meditation yers gym along maturing years calm impulsive multitasking machine could think it bad personal everywhere look makes remember well sex implied discussion feel touched explained before cant accept feel like years sacrifices work even phyisically ive passed state could break rocks train even broken bones work even able get bed cooking myself sit watch common brats waste time friends able gym five times me even though time able hundreds better thats want best go read old thread mine wanting hang would read even give fuck remembered else also happy people get top abilities bad leading example sacrificing life polymath reason around kiddos able one thing life praised it considering ive never hand life even parents even care about build staying filthy room year people around either good parents among maybe even one would teach even single profession keep life nothing want end it