life decaygraduated cs degree three years ago hoping get job independent get help condition go hospital redflag plans got condition force fed everyday hospital staff awful cant disclose know treat people like learned quickly im qualified anything getting retail job became clear would start fail keep expectations left good terms work full time without freaking cutting myself cant start therapy insurance issues need order look work required job seeking help theres escaping parents theres getting access treatment im trapped way death  hour shifts life friends family endless exploitation severe suffering shortly followed death streets existing comfortable cage everyone force feeding deformity hard interacting people theyre super toxic why must me im terrible person perhaps deserve though id argue deserve far worse thanks listening aria sheher