passed pain threshold time diethere much take enough say wait three days take action ive waited  months feel surer ever woman told life joy right series problems defeats severas years ago mother died main emotional support left alone close family friends recently really withdrawn them girl whose affections declined previous work id previous bad experience getting involved colleague made life hell leave fought back got back good paying enjoyable government job manager really likes he interviewed me managers colleagues canteen staff even cleaners seem like me went wrong sums life started much younger girl call m made clear interested acted around me glancing smiling exaggerated behaviour works much liked previous experience work made keep distance and tbh prettiness perkyness intimidated little avoided interaction months probably guess going ended working beside awkward days got talking got well similar tastes art amp literature recommended things other seeing someone else work month arrived developed crush shortly going though another dark period took month depression told leaving help ended back medication returned turns moved office mix up moving boyfriend things somehow lost momentum went back slightly awkward other bad way somehow felt odd little forced came one day looked and startled justodd said hello said hello walked on genuinely strange hard explain never spoke shortlyn went train others medication stop feelings pointlessness life managed import n via internet spent lot time researching exit life cut long story short office reshuffle means moving now happened friday really affected self image end day im usually last leave came back up probably check desk items moved saying flamboyant goodbyes last two managers left coming kitchen asked enjoyed training simply said great make eye contact even stop walking whilst focusing two left five minutes later standing another door  yards away phone waiting probably boyfriend looked up saw me turned back continued texting thats realised ive become sad middle aged creeper odd guy unnerves younger women really pathetic sad said nothing walked want upset way shed said enough without word made realise state life in disastrous relationships best female friend offered friends benefits situation fun attractive sexy know feels cant get better repulse younger women incite pity older ones weekend joyless see one way out thank god got n need peach  cant cope terrible hopeless position