right dielast night caved in started harming breaking internally please get wrong used love living despite redflag attempts illnesses etc living still something good afflicted conditions slowly eroding capability live sanity mobility upkeep etc feel though ready end life im sure yet want another failed attempt want make sure works cant risk condition getting worse point long attempt end life realized wanted last night wave happiness washed me first time long felt calm peaceful nothing noone able provide feelings since first redflag attempt child please bring family etc try talk this guess part here cannot spend whole life existing purely purpose people feeling better comes point consider myself continue put through feel though right die were going die want make happen sooner rather later tried treatments professionals alternatives everything could find conditions continue get worse want die dignity decrepit unable move ways want live knowing feelings peace happiness still exist makes wonder life could been like this know ill this left unchecked know will comments appreciated feel conflicted deeply saddened right now