around  years ago really sad suicidal never told anyone thought life me girl entered life became whole world became happier ever felt joyous kid everything together knew life meaning her controlling prioritized number one got jealous bitter moments could seem anything without one another made boundaries broke boundary felt dearly about broke felt whole world fall apart filled guilt loneliness bitter sweet nostalgia cannot seem get over cannot think reason alive ever wanted gone feel worse met cannot stand feeling heart desperate sadness longing someone never either again hate sound vulnerable idk