sick constantly wanting diei mean like people forum want die constantly even happy want die sick always feeling tired feeling like life mine work three jobs taking part graduate school best friend love much constantly feel like emotionally babysit boyfriend love honestly cant feel comfortable with fear abandoning makes hard relax enjoy relationship lost two best friends cant seem get forget father supportive parent life cancer mother complete cnt manages make feel guilty existing despite knowing full well damaged relationship fault fear friends really hate putting me feel like school worth it im busy time go see doctor therapist go gym exercise makes people feel better sometimes despite  jobs money problems almost zero time want die im scared dying painfully want die peacefully hate waking up want feel way