boom headshotive thinking redflag long time depression started  years ago followed severe anxiety social paranoia early stages depression reached close friend told thoughts going head everything felt bland nothing made happy anymore told phase everybody goes would get better time waited anxiety started friends started notice behavior began ask acting crazy started ignoring calls making excuses alone answer questions social paranoia came last least hit like truck everywhere went felt like people watching judging everything did like whispering behind back even friends get me weight  behemoths much handle confined house  years dwell selfloathing disgust  years im still waiting get better seems get worse im running patience know redflag selfish act hurt people left want deal anymore ill remembered coward face problems care less end ive decided rather messy ending myself ive read painful high fatality rate concern family see need identify body want scar image