childhood best friend left amp im redflag watch basically grew together ever since moved here terrible childhood step father would always drink call bitch amp threaten me mom never showed cared tell loves me etc importantly ex best friend still alive today would come try cheer would crying wanting attempt time passed things started become weird started getting relationships slowly everything became distant still tried hang wouldnt engage conversations anymore even try like uninterested me think made believe wasnt important me text argument whole situation believes meant different paths said goodbye never made sense chose go different path rather tell feel broke me dont know life anymore friends drink everyday cut desperately hit myself really think wasnt good enough her please help