want put thoughts therenot really expecting anyone care reply nobody really ever did ive read peoples posts thought could feel better myself too nobody around understand im feeling even though im really alone i family girlfriend would never understand feel tell would hurt make feel weird me feel like im even living life now stranger trying make things work somebody else know feel like im wearing mask im allowed show real self anyone otherwise would hurt them ive thoughts lately hoping die way manner would do im much coward myself im looking thinking way end life way would interfere lives everyone around think is want disappear feel like im worthless pathetic look mirror want spit face im looking at am live and now almost month theres single day thought killing hoping die deserve life theres people world want live normal lives cant medical condition id like disappear give chance life could finally something good instead volunteering helping people way contemplating redflag hoping death come deserve shit things happened life worse im thinking it seriously fucking hate asked why would know answer question matters course would still hate myself today ive magnetic resonance brain dysfunction hormones doctors wanted sure pituary gland tumor giving treatment hope ive read highly unlikely die it im  want live anymore apologize anyone took time read ungrammatical piece shit english first language