first relationship ended cant copemy whole life shit one reason another always gone fits starts breakdowns inbetween short periods activityworkfriends trying best work everybody elses best friend needed shat used ive worked ten years depression anxiety awful experiences work never relationship anyone never believed even possible met amazing guy  years ago weve never able make work disintegrating mess cant see anymore shot anyone life waited almost half fucking century first person say i love you im fucked handle it intimacy sex trust cant go rebuilding life time time every years cant anymore im exhausted want die cant stop crying every time start talk gets intense held everything back realise ive lost want kill tonight totally enough edit thanks strangers talked last night im really touched that took bunch valium last night top booze fell sleep straightaway must slept like log good whole nights sleep still feeling shit today thanks