know anymorehonestly really know write this ive never spoken emotions guess wanted tell someone feel im m ive felt like killing now feel like im letting everyone meet family accomplished things mom dad high ranking military brother got prestigious nasa scholarship im shit school fail half classes take thing feel like deserve feel do born good family lot friends reason kill people around me feel like killed family friends would disappointed want people remember like that wish could sacrifice save someone give life someone needs it ive looked organ donation  know ill last long know ill point sorry long confusing writing mind thanks