every morning see dyingevery morning wake up first thoughts head day gonna go think dont blew brains out thought dying huge comfort now used scared would feel like used worry pets friends id leaving behind used think reasons stay nothing matters more ive fading away almost  months now ive done everything could help ive read blogs websites reasons live want live happier manage depression ive gone counseling ive tried pills ive done programs feel like post reddit time one real life cares every day harder even care