im  go moremy parents abusive emotionally mentally physically dealt abuse  years throughout life many traumatic things happened me im haunted words memories cant shake matter do music escape tells much failure am im sick chronic pain heart issues breathing issues bad memory loss cant even remember say halfway sentence time get lost conversations really know do ive honestly lost live keep fighting ive fought whole life exist get better emotions accepted feel worth anymore husband tries understand help feel like im ruining life one day hell realize horrible am fuck already is im selfish know it know people care me cant go like anymore power change things cant change living situation health issues past emotions  everything control choices left physically feel urge put noose around neck point think would make feel better would feel like relief never ending nightmare im scared void death im scared keep living