so something amazing happened yesterday job opportunity basically sprang face completed two back back phone interviews owner manager boy next thing know talking start dates pay andi terrified thrilled lucky happened jumping joy desperately need job worked year due covid could great fit me keep coming back much want die anxious failing am depressed am incapable am walked road before gotten cool job dealt redflag days broke weight constant suicidal ideation pattern i others life recognize point everyone tell getting news mentions oh well sure handle time timebut afraid depressed want close eyes never open again know need job please help self sabotage please help