dont want die think aboutim torn reddit always seem situations end draining energy feelings bad tendency putting wrong people pedestals forgetting human too often portraying important myself biggest insecurity romance like need liked loved someone think beyond reach person shows interest ego spikes up long story short put situation taken advantage of worst part is knew beginning goal felt feel feel like biggest piece shit like ecstacy high much fun moment effects wear youre left exhausted depressed lately repressing feelings ignoring signs ive wanted cry i later night alcohol came realization ive making unwise decisions please instant gratification desires takes horrible messy brain tells nasty horrible things wish could execute way thing dying dont want anything death makes sense dont want go back medicine want go therapy given fact medical industry works ive meds  months  years think emotions place im even craving hard drugs shut voice whats weird voices go follows she killed me did yeah how imagine wicked death basically talk rd person literally driving nuts could something productive like studying sudden find literally talking nd point view medical term this every day battle course ia accentuated night drinking consuming becoming sharper day day want feel ease body mind much ask