want die im afraidlong story short im sex addict iv always careful got regular std tests found long time girlfriend gave herpes shes worry wort causes constant outbreaks last years depression never sex mentally destroyed me strong meds  outbreaks year hardly ever sex dont want give anyone else iv settled relationship im longer able live life always hoped for wasnt scared id kill self tomorrow never really could expected life go way hide depression really well personality fun happy person ever met hate get std test started dating  years ago plan kill times week months since iv sex feel like im going mentally shut able go work more im scared google redflag ideas thats really thats stopping more