feeling low good outcomewhen feel bad usually come real account tend help people today really even feel good enough that  years old birthday september currently financial distress single big house myself basically work commission base salary counted barely survived closed deal unforeseen circumstances even closed get paid might sound bad suppose represent years salary also company took hit cant even pay base salary also got debt trying survive spent  amex company expenses never returned still slight chance might get money end month get it would mean able make payments money even gas food first time paid rent amex might send bill collection agency damaging credit terribly finally postponed tax declaration october since suppose get money pay them know might happen kids wife even dog curse bless bless would like suffering me time feel lonely see goal family disappears day really hate worked hard risked much yet nothing show thinking buying gun blow brain out would like nobody blame death feel like deer front pair headlights paralyzed car comes closer closer