pretty convinced done i coming around idea killed  year columbine year saw school district anything bullies  bullied severely realize abusive home life got adult realized people healthy families drug addiction rampant said family nightmares dad normal  first year thought killing feel like wasted chance chickening out likely mom would left dad younger brother would better might gotten help maybe would looked bullys lives see made want succeed destroying me destroy me one noticed got adult cant function cant love people love back love people like enough fuck chuck me thus havent touched anyone years unemployed almost year half living lady paying rent privilege watching kids  bucks hour never time get mythical second job would made worth ended moving back mom getting trapped lady stuff perpetually enough money get place own live mother lives place bus comes cant get job anywhere nowhere hire soon find car missed chance make death meaningful look like useless fucking fuck up