feel like manipulative abusive person pressured ex come back selfish desires want ruin reputation future cant find way outmy first relationship ever  girl dating also  early know everyone school beginning date age happy couple kissed cuddled told much loved gave gifts thought everything going great good things come end wanted break me reason felt good her disagreed much possible true ive low selfesteem long could remember ended breaking me still give up thought kept asking come back me would could happy again things before missed seeing her thats did kept asking come deeply missed her want get back together eventually agreed unfortunately relationship beyond repair eyes broke up again talk several years now realise done kept begging come back selfish desires want to end made give coming back me blind fact want relationship anymore yet made come back me feel absolutely terrible thing guilt feel every day last couple months overwhelming fast forward   finally talked first time  years apologised everything told changed desperate selfish kid was bit confused apologising accepted anyway im sure forgiven me mad first place maybe forgotten happened shell remember one day realise dumb mistakes made im pretty terrified past affect future especially pressuring come back me could kiss cuddle again would affect rest life mental health know get rid guilt feel every day long time ago remember like yesterday overthinking things reasonable thing worry about tldr pressured ex come back did work out think still good terms other feel guilt feel like manipulative person pressured ex things want do know better something worry future common mistake someone age make