one point fun things true robotics competition taught useful skills like code build obsessed actually winning learning unfortunately younger me school teams coaches focused ensuring every student learned something never teammates super passionate winning competition hindsight like winning really mattered anyway video games think playing bad start playing avoid problems real life dream go pro esport title wish realized spent thousands hours alone front screen honing skills never actually stuck game either played whatever trending school time suppose best competitive pretty meaningless title compared rest country nothingi used animetv youtube means escape reality well make new friends high school would watch stuff  hours day while maintaining grades parents would kill mei tried youtuberstreamer like every internet kid takes talent effort timei also spent lot time trying game dev lacked skill little success trading steam still consider time wasted useful skilli manage lose weight get better shape got good computer science program lost passion programming math become thing point started binge eating episodes currently medication seems numbed feelings occasionally feel intense despair hunger it usually feel nothingi counseling care enough go anymore say everyone makes mistakes still young make ton friends college compare others even friend anyway also really great relationship parents guessed alreadyi skills get paid programming hope start enjoying soon interested entrepreneurship safe thing pursuetldr wish productive social kid instead loner grinded pointless tasks also lost passion current major afraid switch feels like headed boring life mi feel like wasted unhealthy amount childhood things stopped fun provide value video games competitive robotics watching youtubetvanime