approaching wallhi never made post like before entirely sure start obsessive compulsive disorder no mean wash hands constantly need make sure dishes clean compulsions entirely unique result many intrusive thoughts treatment form medications gone therapy many years help get control issues deal intrusive thoughts made significant progress mostly successful battling past  years especially intrusive thought usually distinguish others calm without needing engage rituals relief anxiety lately cant keep rituals become bad fact consuming hours day every day tried talking therapist sudden relapse rituals essentially told pass hump ive never anxiety badly life before ive even developed several new rituals must complete morning without really realizing started them thing though even seek additional help best would get therapy sessions possibly medication combat issue extremely tired that lost several jobs issues find difficult keep relationships extremely distant family understand issue refuse admit real disorder engage people work anymore cant force smile hard even pretend give shit day day basis im thinking ending things another intrusive thought time im legitimately unhappy life feel like writing essay intricate details things wrong know do im afraid dying think im less afraid alive im making plans anything right now im safe location around friend least alright reason post want something terrible know ruminating cause thoughts jump  actually legitimately scared condition talking me