thats folksi posted maybe   weeks ago rdepression basically outlining crappy life led point ill summarize you father left life born found mom pregnant me mother mental breakdown two weeks old tore head bugie owned drown pet dog kitchen sink suffocated almost death pillow lucky baby grand parents came visit exact moment time barge stop killing me put maximum security psychiatric hospital first two years life never met already talking walking passed around aunts uncles grandparents mom came home diagnosed schizophrenia heavily drugged depixol mianserin diazepam also developed spinal problem caused excruciating pain prevented much range movement heavy pain meds too put back care needless say life hard living her mood swings growing would turn randomly violent drop hat childhood suffered broken nose  broken ribs dozens instances beatings lock bedroom every night slept safety fun yo grandpa died grandma lost went senile rest family abandoned mother long time ago without support looking myself violent mom crazy gran school always option tend routines grandma fell bungalow broken knee lay  days stone cold floor pain confusion found wardens weekly visit died ambulance way hospital  mom developed leukaemia battled  months turned nonhodgkins lymphoma lost grandpas death moms death  funerals buried cremated whole family exactly  year day mom died close friend mine hung himself tough harsh time life suffer depression memories wish could erase head constantly got relationship really helped me still depressed found purpose existing again love generally genuinely happy ten years partner sure gone hard times recession lost job years ago move find new work still glad someone life cared about well thats too cheated kicked out homeless friend work got house keep ending streets last  months life hardest yet  years life devoted person still love heart nothing utterly alone world cant even begin imagine starting someone new even want to live uk voted conservatives again given up faith humanity gone now crushed beyond words filled loss sorrow grief pain heart smashed dust tomorrow th may day mother died day sean died far concerned day uk died thanks election result plan end life am tomorrow morning nothing left world me everyone cared dead friends long gone one love turned back together point purpose existence now die one day anyway likely cancer slowly painfully waste away dust like watched mother go through thanks tomorrow jump bridge far ft valley floor witnessed first hand people jumping death there fast painless mercy wanted tell someone nobody say goodbye too goodbye guess see another life cats