fear courage kill myselfmy life sucks idea dying makes feel mesmerized blissful knowing able get rid weight life all ampxb however sometimes feel like guts it see future me dropped high school life hell cope it cant last job couple months cant stick routine like that future seems obscure depressingempty lonely miserable ampxb hope one day able let go gather guts it maybe jumping tall building liberation death everything make sense end death true freedom bliss breaking free perpetual meaningless suffering