 months plan ending life cant anymorei struggle cptsd severe chronic depression severe social anxiety grew horrible child hood raped molested step dad beaten daily him forced incest two cousins aunt him tried killing many times family hated always things reason grew watching mom trying end life  succeeded lost real dad  knew  months died liver failure spent ten years homeless witnessed many things murder dozens redflags live right front unable stop it robbed shot many occasions know read write  learned friend mine also homeless homeless veteran served vietnam mid s ended taking life right next unable stop it got tired fighting every day homeless help money family spent past ten years trying get ged unable learning issues second grade level first grade level every subject learn firstsecond way th every subject spent past ten years trying get career job apartment bought first car last year get scammed car dealership  thousand dollars took  years save supposed move apartment wisconsin back february needed eye surgery march remove cataract right eye needing done left eye spent past ten years trying find room rent afford  month bills incl everywhere find want that cant afford living disability unable work getting  month live on struggled obesity since childhood even homeless pushing  lbs unable lose single entire life spent past eight years dating scene person online get told worthless ugly disgusting mocked at laughed at made fun of trolled bullied told nothing one wants even told end life many occasions even family even mom absolutely friends family support kind struggle day day severe loneliness even good conversation anyone  years woman lead pretended love want turned married used attention watched movie tv show anyone  years now wake nights tears shaking cptsd nightmares sometimes confused takes awhile calm get mind set right tried  years therapy meds counseling mental hospitals none helps none works either makes feel like zombie makes messed even worse tried ten years turn life around unable to  months hit  going celebrate birthday pizza whiskey wine coolers favorite movies music going euthanize go peacefully get peace rest hellish life living know make past ten minutes else post tired holding in call liar troll call whatever want vent this hold anymore tldr horrid shitty life nothing works fail everything set turn  going nice little bang end life