broken ever beforethe boy love lying beside me sleeping soundly break down melt down every memory tormented last two years life flashing eyes like sort twisted film depressed since twelve reached climax im sitting floor listening boyfriend sleep knife lap wondering could bring end pain hate it im even wondering whether ought put pain hell never hurt person way hurt me love ive pushed far beyond handle cant live like this cant person one day im much pain months one sees im suffering one understands weight lies try haul bed morning one thinks im trying am tell im lucky makes worse keep reminding life could chose happy choosing happy walking around eyes shut ignoring every instinct know anymore im end take