another country right at grandmas everyone mean two three cousins currently mean ignore call names reason feel bad every year leave grandma like me depressed feel bad tell this bad reactions past miss mom things hide her too found getting apartment and subsequently let street want soil mood disorder fucking ruined life last night got super emotional cried with breaks  hours cousin walked me practically begging answer could say anything feel like cares hes nice go back us crying right now cousin room even fucking care hes phone never felt useless love planning things much look forward to real interests writing excited get book book super realistic character lost motivation now really want rent apartment adult live life company want four kids luxuries prayed for cannot stop crying