cant sleepits hot think much hate dull box cutter desk is no nothing happen even im making melodramatic post still despise myself feels late im  job love virgin im someone worth salvaging bother clear made time even though wasted fighting religious beliefs spent figuring like finding love sex think recently want find someone whos also inexperienced share life sex them someone curious exciteable would love saccharine cute depraved kinky sex sit naked play video games something hate missing  years love sex nothing let stay environment fucked mind ideologies believe work death major completely drained whatever enjoyment subject another year half spent recovering life full shitty choices betrayed expectations town limited options wish razor sharper funny feel much closer death im less depressed sense lethargy almost like defense mechanism feel like fading exist anymore real person getting hard let alone orchestrating death im arguably better seems much easier end it tomorrows another day guess guess means time fuck waste life knows maybe ill even die somehow thatd nice