accepting itll end matter timei manic episode yesterday hasnt happened really long time though think killing everyday dont like am things ive done said nothing makes happy anymore spend time alone feel existentially homeless new york city eating alive wanna flip switch cant stop thinking fucked world is irreversible damage weve done environment corruption greed atrocities committed every day stole pair fabric scissors work year ago particular reason weight oddly comforting theyve hidden dresser yesterday crawled bed sat floor sobbing squeezing them adjusting grip every seconds thing sometimes ill falling asleep feel like want stab chest right rib cage id imagine scissors every night usually something mightve happened intrusive nonetheless mall recently looked ledge th floor immediately envisioned jumping it lighthearted conversation coworker feel much shame things ive done things people done me didnt ask life didnt ask this know need see psychologist probably medicated dont see point anymore none real life meaningless world billions people infinite universe fucking dumb cant even articulate anymore killing tonight god damn come close yesterday