ending life easy found perfect method coward throwaway account obvious reasons  found it perfect painless way die want much ive terrible childhood still living abusive parents gay male  years old people around always told go hell never considered christian years brainwashing manipulation partly also not good school nuns know scared really eternal suffering death waiting me scared dying itself big deal already almost died hospital bed once know feeling thing stopping hope hope would get better patience run out want hope want live never lonely britney said my loneliness killing meeeeee