ive tried given many times alreadyim  still living home failed high school tried college three times quit time  debt ive always weird awkward used bother me im left zero social skills wish could simply talk others like normal person talk someone one one theres another person shut off like cant think response anything even though ive followed conversation fine always feels like people give weird looks want prove idiot am try share interests people act condescending laugh me try showing interest them becomes obvious cant relate all town small  mostly people know other theres really anything around here ive learned keep busy music art programming games without anyone share with feels pointless getting harder motivated care anything right now job ive tried find work past gotten two interviews ever one a gas station hired first day manager made bs paperwork fired me found later im white a friend heard talking another manager it worked family before home improvement type stuff ive talked family friends things make feel responses vary from me too see psychiatrist general self help exercise get there stuff little irritating told things im already aware of like know sleepingeating well good you get lot people worse me realizing makes feel guilty im lousy piece shit want kill myself ive plans before saving money improving hygiene this always break give point thinking trying change going failure makes never want anything theres stuff could add gotten long tldr im failure motivation killing seems like option whove felt complete lack giveashit motivates improve yourself