want die cant mom diesim going kill know hate reality live knowing potential im even average average nothing special nothing im really good school made feel worse even put effort hard work rewarded end fell college terrible gpa ive worked many different jobs sucked them ive unemployed corona hit living savings ive know fear failing finding suck something else ive move different state move back parents isolate friends could speak mental health im alone parents take personally explain feel mom guilty dying makes feel worse understand though dont want hurt them nothing going  years old single  years little experience feeling like missed s feeling alone want feel anymore want hurt cry want leave reality reset