waningi know im here cant figure am know theres millions like me im nice person im manipulative enough make people think am im apathetic selfish lack drive purpose longer genuinely connect people ive isolated becoming incurable cynic misanthrope im sycophant work talk family anymore theres goal passion hope feel capable love gone im tired repeating cycle healing waning crashing rebuilding foundations poured sloppily time someone told cant find reason live mean die find many releases death solution escape pain realizing awake every morning unbearable cant anymore one goal life im going make attempt dissociated state cant risk waking anymore