increasing thoughts redflag m breakupin august last year went first ltr breakup first breakup genuinely thought id marry girl came nowhere course heartbroken positive outlook things would get better pushed go gym diet lost lbs started reading pushed reconnect old friends meet new ones got job began well university stopped drinking became generally better person months went on healing seem going anywhere taken advice became better person damn down anxiety began severely worsening eventually face fact depressed saw gp i like selfdiagnosing label depressed like  months  im losing motivation keep pushing feel burnt out pain intensifying honestly feel like im beginning lose internal battle honestly feels like ill forever alone despite best efforts one irl friend couple internet friends make worse irl friend moving back home country couple months im going literally one hang with meaning ill alone thoughts went  months stronger hell despite busy positive like want kill myself ive pushed past limits achieved amazing things fuck exhausted waking every day consumed thoughts inadequacy fact im alone every morning internal battle try convince itll get better know believe anymore im driving work college gym ill see lamppost ill random impulse drive it ill random thoughts slitting wrists bathtub know much longer deal everything feel like may months left power reach year mark since breakup lose hope thing keeping going knowing redflag would hurt family theres possibility things may get better amazing dog