ive decided stay using reddit years first last post ill make still really sure even typing up considering ive already made decision posting could considered kind call help im stubborn fuck never someone turn decisions turned  me life wasnt bad great friends loving family and even saying age sounds naive think experienced true love know im young know much im honestly tired last  years accompanied severe depression social anxiety ever lasting suicidal tendency cant remember last time went bed wasnt thinking killing waste space existence is ive researching dying asphyxiation weeks even though  worst year since father died eleven year decided im gonna stay got month late prepare things maybe cross things little bucket list weird tho comparing last year stopped year long journey working out lost girlfriend  years lot friends stuck knowing life year found great job gained much confidence picked lost new hobbies found again really cannot go longer life lost appeal ill forever sorry family friends really miss dad want join even though believe heaven hope ill find someday since dont wanna talk anyone wanted post get system guess sorry long fuck probably boring text wall haha guess it sorry english wish everyone strength go on even though lost it