want better person ive done past let meive kept secret several years know admit anybody without getting kind comment telling deserve die feel told family members would make feel disown me im  turning  less month year ago ive done things think people would discard something put jail life clarity killed anybody feels close deserves sentence ive said terrible nasty things people fuel twisted fantasies never wanted hurt anybody never felt like talked somebody something purpose none irl online chatting ive gotten point regret much tried killing month kicked friend group word spread around feel like immorally wrong im past point redemption want end psych ward either already know knew things awful anyways think would get caught did luckily exfriends agreed long seeked help fixed could leave that last year ive sat ass jobless scared might able make better place die theres hell feel like theres strong possibility might burn since last attempt plan anytime soon every day think might getting better demons remind used be feel like impossible kill side me awful demented deranged side still haunts day want out feel like find sort resolve might slip back suicidal tendencies another year so even know ill find answer reddit want hope theres somebody like might able help find new life life worth living right see hope cant forgive cant get forgiveness people ive hurt used