lost hopehello apologize advance mistakes english native tongue sure writing here maybe always liked writing writing way express feelings maybe want someone read thinking even understand me think finally lost hope days ago drove high bridge night little traffic climbed small fence edge look darkness even see bottom jump scared scared die scared fall kill leave crippled already am lot experience hospitals want go back there written redflag note weeks ago put affairs order thought looking deciding jump would end it feel like going back there like inevitable  years old first attempt redflag last attempt  years ago thought sort thing turns not back started see reason go anymore feel little ashamed tell you survived stage  cancer people dont  tumors last couple years body looks like war zone asking even bothered put treatment all felt like hell earth feeling even worse want go anymore always one hopeless romantics feel one day meet the one like think fairly smart know silly thought is cant help it feel way maybe say felt met go way always hoped would go first woman ever fell love with idiot always thought would finally meet the one pieces would fall place nothing like that instead relationship pure torture maybe us first course got quickly devastated without hope probably think oh god another one got heart broken thinks world come end get yourself maybe right probably people far worse me change feel though never many friends always outcast used think enjoyed lonely almost given hope find someone met her total surprise could really love someone much kind contradicts statement romantic lonely entire life kind questioned would really find someone all know lost convinced nothing left world nothing good ever happens even find the one another way life kick nuts maybe first redflag attempt fail already hell things happened past  years almost sure it guess find finally find courage jump