pulled trigger days ago found love life cheating me weve together nearly  years blames it lost it kicked out publicly posted facebook goodbye stole one guns stood bathtub shower curtain drawn to cut mess put barrel mouth pulled trigger nothing double checked loaded know fucked up brain thinking straight loaded gun dog car started drive parents place reason felt leave dog taking figure fix issue gun arrived let leave known better held police arrived arrested mental health act taken hospital still know talked way hospital guess im good liar makes sense since many years experience pretending okay im home boyfriend were pretending okay get counseling think make long im upset guns house anymore means going lot painful planned practiced strangling bathrobe belt attached bathroom doorknob last night almost passed got loose which would fine honestly im planning completing act todaytonight last daynight bf together hes road again would like try good day leave good writing helps solidify it think cry think it feel peaceful almost im fucked up long time people get fairly quickly im sorry immediate pain may cause family but theyll okay end