im shakingive feeling suicidal while bf went gun range friend weeks ago he didnt know suicidal time months ago dating told hides gun anyway thought hed move dating told week ago feeling suicidal feeling really suicidal tonight went thought keeping gun still there know load now took go outside kill soon took gun heard coming downstairs put away heard zip asked pretended shorts im still shaking really think wouldve killed hadnt come downstairs dont know tell move gun not dont want think im crazy