want outim done trying happy tried consoling many medications ive lost track ive tried losing weight exercising ive tried talking it hahahha funniest advice could talk it im blue face end day change anything still think killing every day seems like need come terms fact never happy family really tired trying help blame them last couple years told fine medication working cured ive pretty much lost control life friends thats exaggeration cant remember last time talked someone sleep day today slept  hours doctors appointment refill medication overslept arrived  minutes late see even though usually sit waiting room  mins anyway maybe im cynical actually seemed pretty happy telling missed appointment like somehow getting medication reward deserve it told it really important arrive time refill controlled substances next opening appointment week doctor told there withdraw effects medication fine days went drop application apply major college hour late closed today deadline hahah probably thinking emotional really bad day thats going kill myself wrong feel anything maybe slightly happy might finally get courage motivation finally end life since cant take medication normal right dreams basically crushed get major probably drop next year wake  pm feel something right like angry myself sad cant even bring cry pretty scary knowing literally cant bring care anything anymore guess sign need go guess stop bye