anyone else feel like theres ticking clocksometimes feel like im walking gallows like every step take one step closer dying constantly make new plans hanging people delay process almost hear ticking background not literally like time running out terrifies me like either im scared im going hurt im angry im still trying latter never makes sense me anyone get actually angry given up like supervillain comic book anime theyre shouting why still trying give already head constant half brain tells give half shouts even think giving up nothing brings joy anymore favorite things sleeping help hanging friends temporary respite scary used rely fact always wanted family like get married kids even thought things sounds like terrible brain like ugh means wed still alive like im scared even one day im happy behind me ill always think this comes second dying though might make sense hear head sadly feel bones im stuck half wants try keep going depression like no hard get every day things interact even watch tv read books still miserable half like please stop this im terrified sound awful nothing makes sense anymore anyone else wake first thought ugh im still here thought anything makes want die like brain says well clean house dead go work eat anything im looking advice kind recognition im alone like know im alone millions people deal this id like hear specific issues answer questions might get asked ive dealing  years yes im medication th times charm right friends family know im okay hard understand im talking doctor this im trying everything nothing working im tired scared sad