im necessarily there yet feel like soon might bei guess need vent turn  weeks know everyone around act like care care know really feeling inside know thats seeking help think fair put feelings someones brain forced care me really strength seek help begin with ive depressed past two years never thought commiting redflag always felt like wouldve gotten better now hasnt slowly gradually getting worse feel like birthday last ive fantasizing jumping bridge reminisce so part thinks itll never happen im scared to cant help feel like might happen tough much family around loathe family thought growing up always felt like family everything got older parents got divorced shattered perspective family never close begin anyways certainly close now know anymore feel lonely helpless needed vent