people depressedsuicidal long time come side or not  shouldnt kill myselfits almost ten years constant agony ten years suicidal ideations past month every day gotten little bit worse tethers life little bit looser shouldnt give up really worth endless suffering reason im alive dont hurt ones love line two sides selfishness sure might selfish kill put others immense pain selfish others force suffer dont feel bad ever acceptable give up ampnbsp people encounter cant quite understand im going through typically use metaphor  maybe relate imagine headache headache never ever goes away sure sometimes might feel bit better sometimes bit worse every second every day headache there try aspirin doesnt work try meds avail visit doctor doctor one seem help you try homeopathic remedies meditation try adjusting various aspects life nothing get rid headache often not extremely hard deal with feel much pain cant anything stop it want end way can advice friends give is try headache change pain affects act around people people perceive you friends start push away  constant pain bringing everybody down would want voluntarily spend time someone inherently depressing somehow fact people leaving side makes headache worse makes much harder deal with push on ten years pass relief progress pain think ending life end suffering cant cant bear hurt parents siblings close friends remain stuck suffer endlessly hope sight do