felt good day gone nowfeel trapped cant go dont want anyone feel dad lyle sister even  mom grandma maybe even  brother think hed pretty sad hed live hed experience life dont know trust dad go on hes one im especially worried about sometimes feel like im pillar rests upon relies upon even mom would live life  eventually would never forget pain struggles mental health  im sure wouldnt help go putting thing im trying escape go see way born fucked life made also always like since told since young since old enough learn afraid could changed path late alone everybody else love dating going parties gatherings get togethers people age making inside jokes witty banter travelling squad people care people reliable towards  likes least  people reach alone think people experiences life source im anorexic im scared people like carbs also crave every inch alone killing literally breaking rashes mentally tatters tears burnt skin eyes stings cant feel alone anymore cant keep people converse trust converse homeless men schizophernia criminals got jail  days ago meet wandering streets am mean still always love care people want need people love need busy every single hour day laughing sharing feeling safe feeling like im one group one outside feel like im valued society part society im hiding fringes outskirts shadows dont know always told wasnt good enough became true