wanted another child much lifei  kids ex wanted another one ididnt longest time time went clock started ticking year since past since left still want another child dot want multiple baby mommas dont wamy kids half brothers sisters wanted normal life normal mom dad living together dream shattered life shattered crying type this every night feel like getting closer finally getting ablity ignore fear end lifei hurt mentally physically emotionally right lower leg hurting weeks point lay couch crying heart hurts much hurting bad think maybe miniature heart attacks hope every day heart attack wont call  feelings trash try meet women force like someone else real wish would talk me wont hate life done it every day slip closer ending life want end it keep thinking committing crime killed cop dont want earth anymore sad part thought dying makes happy finally get happy think times skirted death wonder why survived ramstein airshow crash caught falling cliff checking castles germany barely missing car wrecks why live life pain dont want live pain want happiness watching smaillville type this watching marriage couples scripted tv course id kill fake relationship her dont cant anyone else right ill die alone ill die without true love die thinking her