sometimes want somone beat murder im sensitive myselfi know theres people would it sickens also think seeking feel cowardly hurt myself feel cant punish kill everything also need punished weak kill myself cycle sometimes thought sometimes gets close feeling impulsive im scared could actually contact someone one day go it also makes want prove wrong power shoot instead looks easy parents guns lying around house everytime see get scared could easily do it look ive picked handgun before scary feel im impulsive enough know happen one day either fall weak let someone else it