sometimes get sad know do last night spent several hours crying intermittently episodes like since teen  years old exhausting feel emotion least numb guess much cry finally done feel lost life point need make decisions live direction take career do even want career partner developed feelings someone wants casual fwb type involvement gone along many options making feel bad want think deserve more angry allowing taken advantage emotionally unavailable man knew exactly getting into part foolishly thought would change mind point want kind relationship want so feel need end move on made casual involvements like that quit drinking alcohol  days ago completely sober positive change feeling everything without buffer therapy since age  so suppose learned things made positive changes done nothing change fact capacity feeling deep profound sadness seems bottom maybe actually kind gift sure maybe life really sad maybe life actually sad