reddit need help long readim sorry advance long read need advice soon  year old male engaged  year old female long distance relationship south dakota usa new zealand like said long distance little backstory met online year ago playing league legends call us nerds whatever want dont care really hit off slowly started learning fell love really got know her born south korea moved new zealand  years old speaks extremely good english mostly self taught dont know way korean parents raise children quite harsh sometimes strict cases dont care child thinking feeling long living standards parents different get later little backstory her told long dating raped age  then current boyfriend planned breaking took mature route wanted person rather phone went house ended it didnt take well said going get pregnant couldnt leave him people could turn family friends didnt feel comfortable telling them family blamed turned away reason idea cruel do started blaming became depressed cut herself smoked  packs day one point time even attempted redflag twice happened met her always blamed since matter try say isnt fault still blames herself understand feels way blaming long believes right way used blaming herself might another way say it idk skype time text time we relatively clingy people serious relationship either us had talk sleep every night skype days depressed talking redflag able calm bring thinking like that would always thank tell happy someone like me makes feel good inside back november took loan made trip new zealand visit her  days god best  days lives proposed there said yes heartbeat never seen happy before expected trip hard us definately took harder depressed more talked planning next visit would come see states felt far away hard stay positive lot depressed keep mind whole time relationship going on getting shit failure daughter would rather disown let wants life stressed weeks ago started new job help raise money next trip also started school week going art school she origionally enrolled psychology hated dropped out needless say parents happy school work even stress hard time meeting new people due past nerve racking her story really starts months since visit still stressed depressed everything going life confessed starting forget felt like next me forgot felt like depressed that sending things hold make feeling go away helped bit never went away completely made friend coworker supportive it happy her told wanted guy like her said even though knew bad wrong wanted things remember felt like me tried best clear thoughts mind  weeks ago cheated me confessed everything without say anything own felt terrible feeling wanted remember wasnt there didnt give feeling wanted feelings guy depressed ever hurt me said forgave her still loved her didnt leave honest me justhad weak moment even tho forgiven her still feels terrible stayed depressed it like almost  weeks now tonight happened tonight im here im typing right now learned tonight learned victim sexual assault early age  schoolboy would touch said told anyone would tell whole school kept silent hadnt told soul told tonight told ages   also sexually assaulted brother   years older dont remember which started saying curious female body looked like asked show him did said wanted play doctor her would play let surgery down there touched her wont go bunch details made give oral gave oral her behavior stopped long met her also never told anyone before happened next scary voice chatting bed said tired wanted lay down depressed again depressed soft sad voice sounds like cry normally listens talk helps calm down could talk anything really would help would talk would ask question right told things past voice changed soft sad voice loud firm voice almost creepy crisp clear didnt sound sad scared sounded possesed angry dont really know describe it started talking wanted kill parents detail telling stop think like that trying talk calm down started laughing happy laugh demonic laugh almost imagine someone would laugh say would kill parents knew didnt really want that like her know angry doesnt like much still like her kept telling stop getting scared didnt sound like listening all voice changed back soft sad voice said scaring me asked why told idea talking about said scaring started cry told everything would okay said loved other sooner say voice changed back again creepy crisp said didnt believe said loved her started telling ever found another family would find us would slit childrens throats right front would make watch blood spray would move onto wife kill make watch too said would burn me whole thing laughing started crying didnt know think say mild panic attack attack crying breathing became kinda fucked up sounded like run marathon laughing sudden voice changed back soft started crying asking breathing like scaring her told why said why would ever say things you thats horrible kept crying crying didnt remember idea knew telling truth could tell started talking long sounded like fallen asleep i talked sleep enough times know breathing would sound like finally slept said sleep tight tonight creepy voice right dont tell do said wanted help said well arnt good help right now creepy talking me said didnt like talking told hang up refused started laughing saying what going then scared going cry again said that started crying right then laughing calling baby crying real hurtful hear fiance started crying why me deserve this got soft said you didnt anything crying started cry again idea saying me im really freaked out ended falling asleep long after last heard creepy voice sent long text talking happened believe wouldnt remember it woke text back said remembered crying breathing funny scared right asleep idea do dont know think dont know means first time personalities appear looked online found dissociative identity disorder describes multiple personalities apparent amnesia memories prior talks cases reported childhood sexual trauma extreme stress anyone help out tell whats going on give advice tell do im scared her dont know do