clearly reason fim done really really done everything ive trying fake happiness mental stability cant really anymore im slipping im depressed ive ever life know triggered current suicidal thought explosion gotten point frequent cycles suicidal thoughts increasing frequency length means kill myself even quickly ive got gun car could drive mountains drive road somewhere one find end it one clean mess ill make sure tie loose ends itll fine ill free im close it scary thing im trying cry trying relieve tension eyes burning tears fall cant anymore know get better start