trumpeters manifestoit belief everything life symbolic life itself certain objects events symbolic ideas past events art imitates life human mind gravitates idea life imitates life why dont like change much subject psychological torture boredom love repetition generational enveloped within homo sapiens since conception species therefore concept seeking change plus desire similarity makes us psychologically inept species still alive endowed ability shape environment landscape kill create change create society society creates us selfdestruct so incredibly vague conceited answers made account majority every manifesto time answer question made end first paragraph still alive ability ignore this emotions course varies person person general ignore it blessing ignore it caught emotions ignore psychological ineptitude second caught social circles people around us forget us never forget cant around people long dont like us awkward afraid around them either smart ignore situation life stupid try focus anything else life made events made people surfacelevel thinker events make lives determine quality life indubitably child home drinks dirty water stream subsaharan africa tougher life child billionaire firstworld country trying dispute all given privileged life living two safe neighborhoods uppermiddle class entire life given two nonabusive parents grandparents uncle aunt stable family structure minimal family drama dead lets start life growing up lived xxxxxxx xxxxx speech delayed tested autism given speech therapist prior this spoke bathtub letters would stick side shower spelling words phrases book goodnight moon memorized autism tests remained inconclusive instead found possess high intelligence based iq test given me speech therapy helped began speak quickly began speak full phrases shortly after whether speech delay based intelligence copious episodes baby einstein watched child parents dispute throughout early years school went xxxxxxx seen incredibly smart suggested change schools get gifted programs course could happen moved xxxxxx xxxxx perfectionist greatest fear average move xxxxxx create averageness exemplifies it moved first hotel still house hunting adjusting dads job position time spent days friend moms henceforth restricted things able do creativity ambition quite possibly intelligence point would ready public school think it wouldve fitting conditioning allowed conditioned kept spark xxxxxxx me course got loads trouble mothers friend break st grade time entered st grade lived average apartment went dull average school xxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx means terrible school showing every day broke me couldnt smile got debate dogs things rest class hour and subsequently cried teacher told stop talking scribbled picture book published words want go back xxxxxxx thought horrifies day spite fact lived xxxxx xxxx  years at time writing lived xxxxxxx  broke broke broke throughout elementary school middle school high school molded average kid creativity ambition average grades average subset friends best friends living parents average jobs live average neighborhood driving two average sized cars average become thing hate therefore thought identifying xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx repulses point want cry havent cried years dont look mirrors often absolutely hate pictures taken me keeps sane away identity hate would foolish even think escape identity why impossible cannot wake one day throw every aspect identity window friends family grades possessions interests wrecked perverted sentimentality simply like old one old identity niche earth new shriveled out average one although lie create new one others see yet yet fail lies work may well one plagued great revelation turned into secret consequently tears apart inside dead hope someday dead may time writing even possible publication things turn planned probably thinking highly myself based highly thinking moment may may wondering called trumpeters manifesto mentioned before core belief everything life symbolic life itself would bore continue experience trumpet sum up started talented trumpet got braces handicap made less talented lost ambition play stuck high school band band  hours every saturday early late friday   times week tell wording dont want talk this dont you started talent ambition im forced play account talentless ambitionless hap empty shell was im going quit trumpet next year serve niche trumpet serve niche human trumpet player old school band empty shell girlfriend cant even keep happy wants kill every time speak gets worse disappointment everyone parents friends teachers significant other even people pass street line order restaurant serve niche earth whole ambition gain entry within higher institution whether college go work miraculously squeeze average rate make everyone around feel bad trying succeed yet despite lack ambition analyze anxiety paranoia every possible word others say every tonal shift every hint diction every element body language try act instincts hurt everyone around me things ive learned make am nothing careless void swallowing everything around sea misery drowns breathes hapless mistake cant solved mental health system usa worthless medication turns us unaware contentment alternative treatment strictly believe works get writing aside proof suicide muddled pretentious explanation it tell truth im dead im writing this write letter im upset like sadistic egomaniac want see grief sorrow peoples faces make people think couldve done reality me thats problem myself one perpetuates sorrow others make angry upset core personality archetype makes others upset me dont blame them shallow grief solved love back day later wouldnt ever want friends person thats point fulfilling egomaniafueled desire death closure thereby stopping perpetuation ego sadism grief wont able feel satisfaction peoples grief die wont able feel guilt and thereby sorrow guilt comes satisfaction ill stopped take villain save day end manifesto all dragon dead hes dead everything better now family friends weep mourn loss dragon cheers hes dead hes dead hes dead hate goddamn trumpet