cant stop screwing familys lifetoday got car accident think anybody hurt physically fault insurance damages excess  partys vehicle alone even though damage purely cosmetic finally managed pay speeding ticket last month  medical disorder keeps working many kinds retail laborintensive job besides traditional office jobs due age lack experience office work kinds places interested me spouse stuck working long hours make fact im piece crap cant even kick jewelry business ive trying get running years now ive contemplating ending life since even got together always thinking nice would alive since day turned thirteen middle traumatic relationship im approaching twentyfive twelve years ive countless abusive relationships scared alone stayed anybody gave kind attention ive miscarried two children biggest achievement graduated high school eleventhhighest gpa fifty people ive never college applied accepted even genuinely wanted go dreams aspirations life im damned letdown act small good thing happens theres always massive bad incident waiting right around corner good stopped outweighing bad long time ago cant even successfully lose weight without falling stairs breaking ankle two weeks diet workout regimen want end it stop screwing life husband daughter car insurance  life insurance policy make look like accident somehow theyll still get money plus deal constantly messing making lives much harder be first thing ive done right decade