hangin alone rock bottom years sure still existjust pulled trigger skull first time safety figured id survive really hoped miracle would happen safety failed died  real friends thought finally abandoned me reason ive also fantasizing playing russian roulette every day die even see insane ive also several lucid dreams public redflag voices head trying convince kill myslef daily years now fucking lonely exhausted going nowhere someone talk me incredibly sick myself people desert me world general wanna talk someone else shitty postion guess gonna lie feel supremely lonely hopeless right now thanks