want diei think best thing copy paste wrote empty shell person skin bones organs nothing else there except intruder brain soul even know is know long time made brain home cant seem get leave would swap life anyone die want thats going happen biggest obstacle convincing family best wish could lay chemicals body show ones work ones let belive let alone think ever good enough ones convince happiness belong me ones make feel alone room full people love ones make feel detached everything goes front me ones stop feeling ones make think everyone looks criticising every inch body ones keep night fantasising dying cannot see lives better place living it see benefit bring them longer live spiral abyss depression scars show flaws exposed wake up feel like crap alive god cant save please kill me let go mind peace way  tomorrow go pharmacy painkillers sell one box go next pharmacy get another know need two last time oded whole pack ended hospital one pack im going try hardest let throw time work really hard finish dissertation friday saturday get hotel room want grandma find me