want die cant ask helpwow hard im  years old guess saw everything going another waybut all wake every day thought shooting myself ive made poor decisions life live daily one im  sure bipolar lead path want diagnosed mentally ill well cant end life easily humanly would like ive never hurt anyone never will yet continue hurt myself paper all work entertainment industry earning  figures year bipolar lead road promiscuity result stds fear hiv not tested fear kills me either way feel never live normal life work drink go sleep hate job feel like it confidence ask help least current low lasted awhile used get manic create art ideas passion passion gone feel like empty vessel find asking whats point die eventually worst part would making mother sad incredible mom sacrificed much cry thinking would  literally thing keeping alive im rambling had drinks know anymore im sick depression know