struggling end thisso original plan od narcotic pain meds hypertension meds worry work ill end puking worse surviving thought maybe could od heroin im sure could find somehow way understand oding junk pretty easy oding illegal drug count died commission felony life insurance pay die commission felony right got gun shot gangbangers even antagonized threatened point shot killed me know theres easy way here fact die want make easy everyone need make sure wife collect life insurance want fuck up cant fuck up fucked everything else entire life want one last thing right way