keep goingdoes anyone tips keep going strong wave suicidal ideation drowning you decent days stagnant days days feel like im going backwards like spiral closer bottom thinking much better itd take life closer top excited take certain challenges life feel like im rollercoastering spiral like climb ladder theres something top throws things cant climb top want get fuck feel like ive trying long seems like efforts useless realize im older stupid make certain decisions making decisions ill state mind taken fun path suffer consequences actions trusting im told mother instead fault wish help solely responsible situation im in try everyday like im getting kicked face spat on wish could escape mental prison keep together hide behind smiling mask although behind it im broken like humpty dumpty fall stay strong face adversity find support keep going hopes getting better place someday do times know do times really dark dogs keep going gotten point want find loving home kill myself know want live thats thing want live survive like whole life future brighter depression hits like ancient power taken much time