 yearsi realized summer birthday say ive struggling thought dying  years now ive never taken action know would hurt brother much gone that cant say ever anything else live for hand really love making music constant i want die head cant even care like do cant change thought mind feel close giving days know im fucked cant even afford freaking therapy anything it somehow managed living now im even sure im posting here life going im old enough die natural causes id rather give up even know feel like this like life shitty im  year old future bright ahead me food table friends exercise everything normal person would do still thought remains back head even happiest moments life want die already battle cant win anymore im sure do