want live anymorei cant anymore job  years used normal one point met love life happy together  years planned kids getting married bring get job lived parents parents apartment different times ive smoking weed ever sense age  got addicted it smoked everyday every  hours  years more got comfortable girlfriend kept giving money get anytime needed it let weed take life let things wanted wanted provide wanted man used know first met cant change ive done fact pushed away dint love anymore name tattooed arm constant reminder fuck am cut friends almost family talk to ive always depressed suicidal always helped threw it ive cut countless time passed sad thought would die smoke tried drinking bottle cold medicine night obviously drink enough job im still here im alone sitting old room old bed want live knowing ive done want find anyone else want get get job get bed want get with worst part im scared die kill want feel nothing problem want family ex girlfriend think fault it need realize never get better unless im dead want anyone feel bad think made it know many nights sit try succeed