ever feel okay againi idea end long sad story incoherent ramble go since age  im  stopped happy seemingly nowhere became increasingly insecure depressed started hating myself kept problems last year high school essentially nervous breakdown went year intention essentially forgetting everything felt forcing become better purely ignoring obvious mental health issues set incredibly high and unrealistic expectations grades wanted soon burned short amount time cue nervous breakdown saw doctor diagnosed moderate depression anxiety issues counsellor months resulted pretty much actual improvement summer somehow still managed make first choice university completely bombing last year cut semester two stopped going classes completely excessively abused alcohol wild student nights dorm room experienced sexual assault avoided everyone knew days time suffer severe insecurity constant thoughts tell im burden everyone around me one wants life make absolutely contribution surrounding society even read back hate it still suicidal thoughts honest reason acted im scared work deal aftermath all point time im hopeful answer really want learn change perspective want happy want healthy want live life full still feel shred hope start recover unlearn bad habits unhealthy coping mechanisms guess im trying say want fight seems incredibly overwhelming feel scared lonely thought even trying fight back mental health issues want find live want live good life even begin thank read this advice support helpful anecdotes welcome immensely appreciated