hello i f have told all my friend amp family i m in a dark place i just started treatment with a therapist amp am meeting a pcp soon i am on a personal leave from work to deal with these personal issue it wa tough but i have been transparent with my support system family friend that i left an abusive relationship amp i am deeply ashamed that i almost did not leave i left my home amp family for yr amp lived with my partner in another state i just moved back in with parent grateful but struggling to adjust in my heart there is shame knowing that i only left because he admitted he did not love me for the past yr not because it wa an abusive relationship amp i nearly died i couldn t amp still can barely see past the love i had for this partner amp grasp that it wa abusive my trust wa betrayed so deeply from this yr relationship it wa a if a switch had been flipped amp the person i believed i wa in a mutual loving relationship with wa suddenly gone i wa treated so callously by my partner i know this is simply how the world is amp i need to come to term but now i struggle with depression amp anxiety with every relationship in my life i am utterly terrified to trust even family amp friend but i have been high functioning forcing myself to be active amp social my family amp friend have been here for me bringing me back from the ledge amp encouraging positive outlet like socializing with friend amp working out i am scared because all i can think in the moment of stillness is what is the point for now the point is to keep pushing on for family amp friend because i do not want them to have to live with my death if i committed suicide i feel like i am on borrowed time amp my excuse for sticking around will soon mean nothing my cup is so low i just want to sleep all day amp not wake up i m terrified i want to be okay i don t know what else to do i hate putting the pressure on my friend amp family to pull me back from this metaphorical ledge i know they love me amp they have told me i am not a burden i can not shut out that voice in my head saying i am being a burden i should just be strong get up and amp move on i just want to be able to be fine again can anyone help me by suggesting resource that i have not already exhausted or by answering the question what is the point my sibling shared that personally his point purpose in life is to spread positive energy amp change with each person he interacts with i used to amp my heart still longs to be this way but at the end of the day what is the point we re all going to die anyways i m tired someone please help