want die want leave friends grievingive always problems happiness im  cant remember properly happy since parents divorced happened  moved city went new school got bullied everything shit always sad finally switched school environment happy  soon became happy normal person home life went shit mum stepdad getting fucking smashed far much recently get shit realised coke next  year probably best since young shit home school going well  space  months stepad assaulted twice police involved second time hit stop called police decided press charge mental state spiralled downwards home life got much worse happened  months ago immidiately went period low thoughts feeling unsafe home mum backed me got better last summer worried school friends day happy however last   months worse ever think killing myself bad home relationships making feel unwanted although lots close friends feel much burden ones trust talk to ones dont trust enough scared think crazy tell feel know ever kill cause love friends much them hate living know carry on schoolwork suffering cause sit night nothing ever since ive feelings ive experimenting drugs recently scared advances never stop