posting makes panicive gad mdd since child feel like getting worse days cant anything stay bed job cant afford therapy medicine feel like ill never amount anything im afraid everything dropped college im failure everything do practical talents im smart never know say social situations im people feel like im heart attack feel like deserve little friends have understand talk me im  still live dad would homeless without him every job ive had ive broke quit nobody hire me make art point long run want exist anymore probably got  hours sleep last night stay awake worry people important me made friend online last november weve talked every day since struggle depression too reached last night know say would help them know would say myself want help feel like id say wrong thing told id need me know thats enough im worried want lose them im tired want sleep sleep nightmares want cry hate myself want hide even know im posting this