cant keep going like thisevery day like fever im much pain feel sick ive depressed life nothing like this ive started cutting never understood before get now ive done much less visable methods self harm think people noticed making worse everyone around gives shit depressed others caused detached yet feels like ammo make fun me seems matter makes everything worse even people say care feel waiting either get fucking already blame them fit world everything makes want die ive tried following dreams succeeded im empty cant feel joy long since have think ill ever ok every single day thoughts speaking directly someone redflag every day say today day cant push myself im afraid pain really all guess default plan hanging nearby tree maybe best think jumping something time thought wonder brain trying put it brain dragging pit know do want over anyone understands state im in