feeling like im somehow faking depression suicidal ideationive numb sort depression years gotten lot worse recently ive serious suicidal thoughts recently though time im actively suicidal wishing death would come one form another anyways better days depression crippling feel numb rather pained common thought is what im actually depressed imagining faking it im seeking attention mean easy not depressed cant seem get it even then still wonder im depressed know symptoms logically im making think feel way honestly confusions making desire end stronger moment think doubt starts surfacing again im making think want die maybe even feeling perceive numbness normal im making mountain molehill know paradoxical really cant seem make sense it