st birthday today birthdays keep getting depressing every yearthe title says basically havent birthday remember anyone actually celebrated me pretty much always resulted wishing day outlive parents finally without killing too th birthday took bunch edibles turned brain off one similar im fucked product messy divorce parents drained  million fitting lawyers fighting sister i yearsolder sister took anger me moms love extremely conditional left fucked sexual romantic desires made insecure inept socialization im strong submissive really desire finding someone also that pickings extremely slim ive usually ended sociopathic women eventually kill me dont know relationship equal terms someone much less play leading role basically condemnation eventually marry someone destroy me either live alone nothing fucked thoughts weed made somewhat decent friends high school least could pretend friends pretty much moved lives ive gotten isolated socially went college west coast freshman year sophomore year transferred better east coast school really dont quality friends all anytime try say wrong thing feel awkward simply get ghosted guy friends smoke play xbox together sorry long ramble im rough night