need restartim  years old  ive alot since little kid abuse rejection depression used hate always thought redflag reached  wanted restart stopped negative always said going better it never tho always positive thought someday leave country go live somewhere refresh day fight family time get bullied school say fade away  im certain wont cant leave able to cost alot money fastest way get money keep studying cost least  years life finishing college  getting job  collecting money ill need leave knowing that im longer positive fact depressed desperate making worse ive sexually confused knowing really am since never went date self reason redflag since im arabic country lgbt taboo im solutions im fully aware get better im longer thinking way leave since reach instead im thinking way end