 political conversion killing ever since developed mental illness brought existence substance abuse harassed derided intimidated countless strangers friends  seems like end world examining myself sinner deity special person closeted trump supporter fact make racist traveled japan  experience millennium sixteenth birthday became obsessed internet everything gamer culture games played made feel powerful ever would drugs combining drugs alcohol video games practically ruined life proper redflag note man enough kill goading everyone know trying attack kill maim me trying become depressed enough end all closest got going blind five seconds briefly paralyzed taking many antipsychotic drugs jesus christ lord worthless wretch audacity think understood faiths mythologies prophet scum human kind asexual plan single life want life mean something today tenth day sober feel strengthened breathe again without cpap machine thanks given first responder came rescue even nothing wrong me racked astronomical medical bill caused countless headaches doctors peers family friends desperately trying find way get depressed enough end life cannot overcome happiness feel taking medication getting invegasustenna shot monthly want say thank store let buy alcohol thousand times if more know family acquaintances friends worried me cant go longer continue living want earn every dollar myself blood sweat tears president trumps america may snowballs chance hell finally get job stop parasite wish cant make miracles happen true im forsaken antifa keep guillotine ready me stand nothing deserve live beautiful city going start cannabis grow operation own cant even identify seed stem please delete browser history succeed leaving earth comet neowise drank way much koolaid im coming back ever