wanting dead evolved accepting ill never happyive m attempted redflag twice last time within last year think main reasons last attempt feeling like wronged someone deeply cared about feeling like terrible person feeling ill never happy months passed ive kind accepted nothing going change me try better person treat friends better try find partner shares educational personal sexual interests dont believe ever going change dont want kill anymore dont think life works great someone like me every passing day think personal struggles eat more dont passions anymore think maybe   real friends sometimes feel like everyone puts me anxiety situations used okay in anxiety pretty much everything actually kinda want press pause reset life impossible someone with vent to make happy would go long way much freak seem be think im going alone forever messed thing top think im lot happiest things others making happy etc even really find someone wants let them makes feel like im good enough even friendships let alone romantic relationships