starting felt like loosing breath reason someone took doctor first time found panic attack preferred fighter life never ready accept may mentally sick terrifying feeling panic attack settles down usually day shaking muscles thighs feels control legs foggy loaded brain red burning eyes feeling killed me share explain happening me life kept demanding usually did used cry nights always felt death less painful option end misery face  years old daughter drives hellwhy god thought creating life biggest question terrified worried shivering shaking legs fast heart beats foggy mood