hello everyone i m male and don t really know how to ass my current situation i ll start from scratch my grandpa wa a bully and abused my mother when she wa a child he also did this with my sister when she wa about year old my brother wa also completely influenced by him and also abused my sister at the time he wa around 0 year old i saw that live once too at that age about year old i couldn t ass and classify the situation had suppressed that very well until my sister came to a clinic for depression around 0 and completely unpacked during the stay from that point on thing really went down hill for me all the picture from back then came up again my sister and my brother have spoken out and get along well again i smoked pot a lot back then because it always distracted me my mother had already attempted suicide twice i am always completely unmotivated and unhappy although unhappy is the wrong word i m just happy about almost nothing anymore i also think about suicide from time to time but i m probably just too tired and scared to go through with it i always like to be alone but with a girlfriend it s a bit difficult from time to time because we live together the few friend i have thank god understand me and don t push me into anything my girlfriend is also very unstable mentally but we both support each other very well gaming on the pc ha helped me a lot for year i have occasional nervous breakdown where i just start cry i ve always hated my job but that s probably just because i hate work in general i loathe people in general and i don t like big gathering either apart from my sibling and parent i have very little or no contact with other relative had adhd a a child and have been taking medikinet for month a i still have the diagnosis i wonder how others see it and whether i should seek external help i think i m doing just fine but i d be interested in an independent opinion pls be kind english is not my native language