really want die last attempt october want give family time process betteri really want die living feels wrong im sure ill never satisfied life matter much try im medication go therapy speak  languages study two careers time yet feel im stupid useless person ever existed friends still feel lonely people think im pretty cant even look without crying eyes out barely eat take showers anymore im taking care all deserve alive want anyway im disgusting ungrateful worst person ever existed ive trying make plan redflag seems like accident last attempt october want make parents sister go experience again also would love self harm rn promised mom anymore ive clean two months seem worth it know do