ive lost ability delusional death want dielike people ive able suppress recognition fact ill die someday everyone course knows theyll die could happen time nobody really accepts it everyone thinks theyre special somehow mom dead cancer soon top dreading loss facing mortality whenever read online people try frame positively once accept death live every day like last thats works me im facing truth everything seems pointless interest anything know distraction attempt think dying decided time cant control anything life except this ending terms want fuck waiting get cancer die car crash shit time go