ever present suicidal ideation constant weight shoulders help coming quick enough really want diei take depression medication anything like might partly blame still even went gp got suitable antidepressants suicidal ideation what embrace unfamiliar path rather already familiar path half half suicidal ideation half passive suicidal thoughts half intense almost active suicidal thoughts tired right yet manageable enough level passive suicidal thoughts depressive mood know want guys anything current life really sorta feel like stuck middle seeking help never feel ready change due various reasons autism seek comfortable with cant seen get deteriorate back square one everything different usually hardly ever works antidepressants really assistance crap sometimes feel much weird mood stabilising things i think antidepressants seen mood stabilisers might wrong p helpful even find right ones me big part wants wait assessment session one  talking therapy waiting lists try antidepressants part feels like fault keep feeling way since take offered in case drugs oh way read life andor like write post reddit httpswwwwattpadcomsighmonthsinthelifeofasuckersufferingof by way link recent update part  journalrant compilation honestly though unable helped cant even help myself yea read rantswritings wattpad feel like it kinda want someone comment writings think subject bit heavy encourage someone p