arbitrary existence arbitrary manhave ever wanted roller coaster bad jumped half way ride rational question one may ask inquiry would if wanted roller coaster normal thing wait ride finished last forever anyways question reason ive staving ever present urge kill years rationale behind basically no matter shit life is might well stick around ride stay forever end still shit get wanted anyways die same death inevitable stick around see theres anything good ___ many consider redflag theyre depressed angry heartbroken psychotic hurt im depressed im heartbroken im egoshattered disillusioned world im cliche case victim bullying im stuck dead end job im overweight bad life family great worst world no me me theres point meaningful reason live anymore might surprise coming relatively attractive  going  year old guy average intelligence well life grew supportive family meal stomach every night however truth remains ive lacked meaningful reason exist many years now life somewhat xenophobic apathetic introvert socially physically isolated past peers lived small rooms life rather world ive never sexual let alone intimate relationship another human never kissed girl sex etc ive never best friend good friend ever temporary acquaintances pass time cant confide connect human whatsoever whether casual deeply intimately personal level dropped junior year high school back december  considered dropping life around time well never did since then ive done nothing linger nothing living mother watching youtubeplaying video games mother would homeless lastly years developed mild agoraphobia younger things bothered slightly things honestly bother today except never sex part fuck wants die virgin part much im telling things give vague idea situation ___ people say somethingyearolds you whole life ahead you regards meaningful things could given theyre still young well see many meaningful things horizon things common people live would derive significant purpose exist from  moving mothers house always liberating thing towards becoming independent adult short term goal ships problems different location figure alone all wherever go are however family worst world annoying badgering verbally abusive honestly want peace quiet cant living them suppose moving reason live for something live long enough see happen  losing virginity basic short term right passage really mean anything anyone yourself means something value losing growing first place so would kind pathetic reason continue existing would lose vcard eating lead suppose still though hey dying virgin would suck ass ill probably hire escort  bottom heart always hated children thing clicks adults brains make kids seem cute never clicked mine way hell would ever start family anyone let alone children also id make terrible father world already  half billion people fucking other need bred like cattle plus im sterile must fate  finding partner living solely them like said before truly connect human beings regardless gender even could get significant other kind life would facade built lies false intimacy false empathy eyes relationship pretty small pathetic reason stay alive devoid much purpose procreation pleasure former cant physically could latter meaningless me  terms jobcareerwork worth living for always interested science mathematics always wanting improve technology systems human civilization replace current systems better ones ive also always loved space truth im means genius said before im high school drop out dropped stupid reasons like stupid person would stupid either point is im one uneducated young man large meaningful positive impact civilization way could would solid reason exist writing this  traveling world big goal aspiration many people traveling nature humanity since origins ive always wanted travel see whats world time costs money could ever afford im monolingual see places free computer without deal people ive come realize world simply world really matter long relatively secured safe procreate reason exist ive got first two least  like many others could cling corporate career somewhere world climb ladder societies perceived definition success chasing things really value becoming another useless unneeded cog blind machine corporate america no im pretty sure id kill let come shit  military ah military theres always good old military jarheads low lifes zealous patriots bigshothighschoolfootballplayers people looking feed stable life sociopaths warmongering savages sign become troublemaking pawns mercy machinations governments give fuck whether live burn suppose im feeling vindictive join seem many fuckers world take time comes but nah seems like empty existence well patriotism propaganda ranks say think ill stick blowing brains instead chancing task extremist sandmonkey shouting allahuakbar  theres simple pleasurelife majority humanity lifeforms follow one lets baser biological drives towards catharsis ecstasy reason exist course eventually leads addiction whatever vice may be booze pot hard drugs gambling hookers video games etc although chasing pleasure natural structure life pleasure means end pointing organism right direction survival pleasure also empty live pleasure would hollow life that but hell cant pretend past  years life naturally fell back it truthfully practically leaves eyes glazed thinking about unable find clarity mind lack reason exist one thing even consciouslymentally you like exist all  top off part stupid violent egotistical arrogant short sighted warmongering cowardly fearful basicpleasuredriven species destined self destruction anyways humanity corrupt rich flourish exist mostly pleasure backs majority everyone else war religion genocide torture rape peace little get bored all war genodice etc small percentage humanity actually greatly intelligent turning wheels progress least  species described freeloading small amount intelligent people world knowing this im sure id want either general category ___ so quick recap pleasure pain meaningless hate children sterile connect well people let alone intimately cant largely contribute civilization positive way fuck corporate america fuck military war fuck government fuck humanity existing disgusting thing atrocities commits im night right writing article nearly am early saturday morning im writing im existential crisis im existential crisis mother cant afford freeload anymore which means ill move soon get job brother passed away yesterday sudden heart attack  brother friend ___ so im sitting chair typing end article unemployed sources income virgin uneducated way college high school drop out living mother takes care children living somehow forgot mention takes care children things hate without car without license brotherless living arbitrary life purpose reason desire live beyond instinct cant stop asking myself ___ really stay pointless roller coaster till end take quick way off either way anything happens game plan follows  get laid really hot girl  move mothers house  continue linger life dignity eat lead my house ___ guys think id love hear opinions ive got nothing else do