so ive had a few small victory here and there which have made me noticed how we all make stuff 0x worse than how it actually is idk if it gon na be a long post but hopefully not so my main struggle is health anxiety it shocking how much it changed me ive always lived with it but it became a thing a bit before the pandemic obviously the pandemic made it 0x worse anyways i wa not working barely working out and barely had a social life isolation so i knew i had to do something i enrolled into a master degree in europe i live in mexico so it a big move anyways coming wasnt that hard actually the first few week it wa easy i walked around my new city went out etc my health anxiety wa still there but diminished so now i start class and ive always been a shy person i dont come across a shy somehow but i am and i wa having a hard time feeling like i had friend one thing about my anxiety is that im super functional i may be dying in my head but im still at school and whatever but the thing is i dont have social anxiety i love meeting new people but because i wa in my head dying or thinking that i wa having a stroke or something the nerve were translating to me talking to people i felt odd weird and that everybody noticed im sure there were time were they did but here come the good part a friend frome home came to the same course a me but she came in a few month late so about a month ago when she got here and went to a few class she asked me how are you friend with everybody i wa like huh i feel like im forcing myself on these people and only talk back if they talk to me i dont feel like i have friend ofc i didnt say that but i told her oh yeah whatever lol second victory wa today we have a class where a teacher talk all the time and barely let u talk she had u gather in team for a debate and when it came to me she stopped the class and said you meaning me im gon na pick who you go with cause youre a chit chatter and talk to everybody so they all want you in their team thinking i would have no problem debating since i dont have an issue talking in public at least in my class i wa shocked i still felt like a weirdo sure i did crack a few joke here and there but didnt really feel like people would noticed if i didnt show up but idk it made me realize how even when my mind is crumbling and im on edge people dont notice a much a i think if i told you all the stuff im thinking while im talking to people yall would laugh is this headache a stroke or maybe covid is this twitch a clot am i gon na faint now is this pain from overdosing on pain killer last week and my kidney is about to fail that is just an example of what my mind is thinking while im trying to have a conversation with people this is kind of a wake up call because it all in ur head ive been worried about stroke and disease obsesivelly for year and literally knock on wood everytime everything come back clear and the only think that worrying ha brought me is not enjoying where im at of course it easier said than done but omg im gon na try to remember this everytime