feel slippingthe last years difficult last ten even so year lost grandmother particularly harrowing form cancer left shell person less three months girl thought would spend rest life left life feels like going nowhere graduated university getting degree course used enamoured cant find single shred happiness within it daily living seems tedious ive changed routine moved countries careers yet feel like im going motions every day struggle meaning life struggling comprehend point living every sun set reminds eventuality death moonrise illustrates futility life tedium waiting eventual inescapable end thought getting better indeed am yet mood improves pain broken heart recedes left wake ashen remains past hopes dreams know wont it equally know well may put situations eventually come ill allow way unfold ever come find me