would anything end life maybeive really hard time depressed every day constantly urge harm kill myself point im forming visualizations ideas head go it last redflag attempt march tied bag around head ive seen many therapists none really helpful except current one telling helping get better lifestyle see point continuing feel like helping really hard open anyone general also really really want kill myself point continue joy pleasure anything every day same sit home pitying thinking ways kill myself want live anymore matter never mattered anyone flashbacks stop want want die edit thinking giving everything job games everything want keep feeling like oxygen thief every day want end keep eating junk food hopes heart attack might happen soon