thing keeping alive inability think method people love believe accident wantthrowaway obviously metaphor struggle depression writer plenty articles write cant focus anymore think exboyfriendnot want back im kind crazybut strung along fwb posting much hated me posting lies me acting kind enough face couldnt found reddit use independently said spoke afraid would kill didnt cant kill hed vindicated hate taking option away regrettably friends want take sides alternate partynights main friend hosts believe friends care me one good friend outside circle town loyal friends international now cant go them know make new friends know anyone would want friend fat failing twentysomething guts apply work abroad barely enough work making money alli live home parents truly love me though would never want find body bathtub want die broken heart know live one problems big enough justify redflag disinterested living anymore edit adding exs betrayal evidence four years picked good man ex first boyfriend since sexual assault sexual assault man love abandoned over