know doits long since ive felt truely happy life im decent things classes sport hobbys never good enough mediocre better average person good enough considered sports team wanted first choice date etc thoughts consume me think anything all mind idles thoughts alone someone wrap arms around such yet cant seem soothe complete thoughts cant sleep without pills even still struggle trying find something turn mind get rid thoughts destryoing enough doze bed im failing classes job lined months semester will want like yet much struggle im tired alone anything deal with im alone cant sleep cant find anyone talk to get consumed thoughts dying ive tried couple counselors school and worked all know else it