love life deserve iti squandered many opportunities life attractive white middle class male st world demographic believe failure completely fault great oppression fight story deserves told thing hate life myself carbon emissions human waste contributions world want kill donate organs place life someone deserving opportunities hate terrible things great work ethic easily surpassed someone deserving natural talent need pour life force work reach lower middle ive dropped music school tried learn spanish  years yet still fluent desperately hemmhoragged extra spending money save emergency fund cant seem get pathetic k squandered social life opportunities hopes building larger emergency fund to avail consistently dominated hobbies chess mtg videogame friends graduate college half much effort put failing ive seen people get better spanish  months  years know anyone scrimp save much certainly know people never turn drink bar new expensive amenity housewhich own make less hour do even hobbies thought escape offer nothing defeat despite passion effort towards learning them feel like rudy hate it feel like novelty story principle work ethic real doer admire wow look hard struggles get nothing like point life die vain better people impressed effort accomplishments