gtg asapi wanted things  set affairs order committing redflag birthday couple months think make far yesterday mom yelled told three weeks get job move skills motivation cant make own ive severely depressed years ive pretty much always lived constant state fear ive tried meds therapy fucking work really want die im scared feel like options im worried go hospital mom say im attention seeking lazy brat shell probably gut room get rid shit went hospital couple years ago unbearable suicidal kept week helped bit mom upset disappointed me id like poison bedroom im thinking might walk highway jump front truck parents go bed tonight wanted donate organs people whole body school anatomy but gotta fresh mangled also wanted avoid traumatizing strangers forcing witness death oh well fucking problem