always returns autumnevery year without fail thoughts come back fall theyre little whispers around september october hits feel like im inescapable emotional prison want smoke drink starve cut disappear favorite season always means return thoughts matter much prepare feelings thoughts still feels like new excruciating pain every year feel everything except connection empathy every fall feel depressed empty hopeless lost cant even connect around im numb want stop need end im begging want enjoy favorite season again cant stand cavernous feeling chest anymore heart somewhere there abyss