always avoided posting voice head muchcuz feel like problems pale comparison many posts see every hour shits getting hard theres constant voice head telling kill past  years think moment im intensely engaged something like conversation work video games constantly reminds kill myself rn im waiting semesters college got let go work chilling friends cuz quit drinking smoking thats friendships built on basically theres much going me voice constant cant escape it getting really hard back hs could meet new people date girls make friends doesnt happen now idk why basically constantly reminisce awkward  terrible things ive done voice tells kill self sometimes strong feel inclined forced say loud kill kill  even people around involuntarily try play like saying something else humming something breath ive lots therapy intensive inpatient psych ward previous attempt much earlier life feel like none could help rn think need people life rn course online friends nice guys know really same idk do besides nothing really wrong great family almost problems life dumb things ive done feel like ill never escape guilt anxiety may well kill self instead  years now reason im writing cuz idk else talk to brother cool doesnt know handle stuff really fuck