im tired human ashamed family entire life really painful right nightmare really need help even know start overwhelmed am im mid twenties studies psychology long time reason always avoided ptsd thought wars rape year learned cptsd hit traumatized inhibited life start learned last year turned two started getting night terrors generally shy kid reserved parents pretty dysfunctional dad narcissist mom codependent lack boundaries pretty emotionally unavailable father especially really bad anger problems tapered hes gotten older still quick temper cant really regulate emotions constantly spills negative emotions onto others family growing really horrible acne made somewhat low self esteem go lower ever experienced acne lasted highschool early twenties time felt like ugly monster friends didnt really close friends girlfriends generally felt alone gotten decent scholarship community college even though didnt well high school gifted kid always hated school one point heavily considering dropping high school pointless parents would never let that well ended dropping college failing classes towards end semester horribly depressed smoking weed every day numb pain years tried go back college try different fields working different jobs felt stuck powerless familys home one prepared real world parents threw education system hopes would raise instead themselves ended taking debt move happened start business time actually worked great first  months so business failed moved cities life crumbled apart im debt living back family life nightmare feel like parents never got made siblings theyve provided materially destroyed emotionally clearly miserable im sure theyve brink divorce before feel broken killing feels like ample message failures parents dont even feel like relationships anyone much ive hurt past dont even feel like relationship kids parents genetic mental failures thats dna pass on end me dont know feel ive felt like long time dont know do feel beyond overwhelmed hope me far gone