disclaimer going lengthyfor context gf  years broke  weeks ago  dating since high school graduated college may first bf broke showing interest someone else want hurt me also concerned mental health end i feels like depression since  first thought handling things well after initial days crying depression started working new skills exercising more started going therapy only two sessions far sure caused downward spiral started second therapy session therapist wanted joint session ex could get clarity stand basically ended in friends wants explore still want her kept composure throughout session left room we live together next week could hold anymore blasted music cried eyes  minutes since then dreams every night include guy interested if familiar gta rp server mind trying pretend like nothing happened going past  days basically wake crying every day mind keeps hurling insults hear you fucking die repeatedly head every day want think things want hatred someone deserve it basically friends group friends play games every day related ex way her little brother cousins bf even spoken girl since started dating antisocial cannot even keep conversation others distract sometimes play group play games own even then start feeling pain againi much pain know do alone one save now scared want pain stop