im sure ever botheredim sure even begin like anyone cares im currently sitting bathroom knife crying uncontrollably guess years shit finally hitting me baby shes beautiful  weeks old tomorrow shes reason dont want anything name ellie im shit marriage used love him still care way years mistreatment negativity crap sex life taken toll me cheated too sad part still cheating guy believe im actually whole heartedly love with im scared leave husband though dont want anything stupid want happy want us happy dont see anymore ive tried leave two maybe three times avail hate job shit money paycheck goes straight outrageous student loans im boss employees just awful left basically everything guess fault though im bad manager wasnt bad manager id good employees hate fucking family years years fucking judgemental hipocrasy mother morbidly obese bitch nasty drinking problem starts shit everyone especially sister ive literally middle man family listening everyone bitch complain everyone else dad cool though marine vietnam kinda scary though ive overweight life last march started diet lost  pounds close goal weight got pregnant surprise im back fat fat fuck jiggling around everywhere none clothes fit im poor go get new ones also motivation lose weight probably already fucking lost gain fuck back again friends mean theres like maybe   people would say otherwise see like that one bothered visit hospital since ellie around everyone else like yeah meet baby thats it someone best friend even bothered visit since thanksgiving guess goes ways shes pregnant wanted throw shower realized give shit ellie waste time person ive ever able confide guy ive cheating husband with hes one whose ever given hope loves me insane smart hed walk away trainwreck life im scared tell bad feeling right now everyone needs break awhile different tldr seriously dont even worth time goodbye