hate birthday life looking darker years go bythis literally came mind im turning  februaryand dont look forward it first memory birthday  parents took movies watch racing stripes honest mischievous child wont sit still ran cinema dad grabbed arm pulled cinema yelling im crying took car locked inside went back finish movie im sitting car crying windows opened went home disciplined me day even remembered said dont care birthday plaster wall we concrete wallsas im crying belt marks back screams dont dare talk back promise you carry die tonight birthday year wanted relax watch tv couldnt even spend whole day brothers  project helping doing none friends even called texted happy birthdayon birthday   last year high school last time even heard friends one even wished id cards display dob maybe one popular guys im always one getting left out actually found friend group group chat never even knew it birthday year whole day filled yelling swearing violence got angry took myself alone brought back memories self harming used cut burn even tied fish tank tubing stick whipped it im turning  next year dont know life going meant finish university next year instead failed repeating it feel like im wasting everyones time money determination drive left im counting days till demons win honestly dont plan live past 