waiting evicted cold apartment winter good time become homelessi guy early ies  cat companion  years died mum passed away quit job girlfriend broke me since used inheritance basically imprison apartment grew without father without siblings remaining relatives live different city mobile also busy lives already used keeping touch them took  years relatives realize something wrong sent police apartment time already tested hook see could support weight body police visit helped snap depression went see psychiatrist found female friend moved me lead quite eventful life  roommate decided return home country center life moving  km away left devastated depression kicked full force again barely left apartment several months plagued financial problems depression loneliness recently mustered courage see psychiatrist again diagnosed mixed personality disorder depression started take sertraline zoloft us really seems affect brain chemistry positive way emotional impulsive anymore frequent depersonalization episodes ceased well might reached late behind rent yesterday landlord turned gas electricity apartment free psychotherapy starting next week might homeless then country provides social safety net waited long apply financial help depressed get paperwork done also ashamed thought living welfare benefits application getting processed landlords patience might run able anything anyways taking meds went depressed shell man emotionless shell man lost because stopped contacting them college friends never graduated moved lives friends left females somewhat understand troubles girlfriend havent intimate woman  years havent hugged anybody  year worst future plans feel like struggling survive every day idea find job support failed graduate college huge gaps resume barely work experience skills work stable friendships relationshipall things make human humani those feel dead inside sometimes pondering kill bodily shell well thanks reading would nice could find somebody talk nobody share state mind