trying give reasons liveso think ive life going use throwaway see purpose anymore ill dead within hour anyway im  dead end job dead end life cut contacts friends become alcoholics drug addicts burnouts parents cut support me ill homeless month paychecks longer able cover housing bills strange think life made dramatic turn graduated high school high honors scholarships never relationship even kissed girl hopes though college would change things would finally able achieve dreams become medical examiner live comfortable life bat things go well failed make new friends college ended hanging friends high school first two years bad well academically loneliness social isolation final caught me around junior year college began get alcohol heavily becoming might call burnouts followed suit grades fell barely graduated college worthless humanities degree spent following years dead end food service jobs drinking away sorrows basements houses remaining friends finally lost virginity way wouldve hoped for slept best friends fiance told keeping silent ruined friendship kicked apartment shared them took back left defeated man tried kill year half ago hospitalized three days hopped ativan olazipan let go saw counselors tried get back school every time would take classes anxiety would take would fail horribly took numbing way taught how drinking even course thrown detox clinic three months ago went bender pulled knife frat boys encouraging kill bunch friends ditched me gave friends drinking basements left alone even friends left beginning fade away friends begin new relationships want drag mopiness anymore new year dawns resolved see another sorry long rambling post guess wanted tell story feel amanda always huge crush you thank always matter sorry never balls say felt reddit awesome provided hours hours entertainment making feel alone world adios