feel lonely thoughts redflag looming getting stronger every dayi moved take care mother college could barely pick things get bed able get work home traveling couple times year  years  depressed learn drive family friends teach me get paid much able save lot series emergencies use active gained weight now face amp teeth messed born prematurely cleft pallet feel lonely every night lost interest movies games want someone hang me brother moved away big fight mother use love playing video games walking downtown watching movies thinking putting craigslist ad wants hang socially awkward ugly broke guy cant drive service like cheap thinking redflag often getting hard fight pain loneliness strong anymore thinking would it hang extension cord drown bath tub throw  story apartment building guzzle thing bleach