decisionsi want write life story wont may recognized ill annoyingly vague little money looked various methods redflag seems need acquire gun none methods possible certain enough paying gun put awkward position buy use it likely literally homeless streets shortly afterward buy it use it commit course action would prefer make final decision without pressure think can reasons ending life worth arguing about alone unwanted unloved far longer people reading alive problem amenable solution cannot loved cant prove that far beyond obvious years care even discuss it may seem unsatisfied relationships no simply none relevant person emotionally never been even child know why wish person longer cannot anyone else need die decide soon whether make purchase want clear commit think nearly  years evidence sufficient defective garbage one says so words say it kind decent people unwittingly say show every day ive miserable long enough time