heyits really bad know even say right now want tell friends redflag haunting mind want deal consequences telling them want attention guess want talk rambling strangers choose read cant find way out want anymore redflag sounds comforting hate people would think selfish think selfish want live life choose cant handle cant this feel people would call selfish selfish too want live dab life entertainment contribute bad good die feel people would cry pretend knew me use death means attention others sickens me sudden people would care act close understood want it makes sense me hate sick am know normal know normal is expected get professional help cant leave bedroom daysweeks lay hours cant get energy even go urinate painful going bathroom hours even days end pathetic give utis shower change clothes brush hair nothing whenever shower small victory me what nothing good comes it end bed again wish clinically diagnosed major depression hell digging deeper hole cant fix anything want end things me redflag sounds soothing suicidal thoughts seem friend lately cant handle this