clarify i never told anyone wanted die them never something lifebut done realized yesterday something very selfishin past years used tell closest friends ever feelings suicide like felt sad empty wanted catch bus including time engaged selfharm twice but never told something similar also told things people used know internetwhat did unforgivablei put huge burden them think made feel responsible happiness even intention even tried reciprocate things much could damage donethose things told either qualified mental health professionals decades study anonymous forums people similar problems either anonymity professional relationship boundaries ensure person listens end feeling guilty responsiblemaybe main reason ended mostly alone even desperate help asked horrible way could ever donethey moved deserved happy deserved surrounded positive people love them deserved good things worldsomething useless toxic cowardly person like would never able provide even hurt lot even society ended betraying me never asked kind advice them honestly think ever good person all ever since child trouble connecting people way like speak walk express myself pissed much ended bullying punishment slowly ignored got message moved away livesheh thought could hero kind hero thatwhat kind decent human something like thatlike someone told once even never bad intentions towards them final actions ones mattered mostaristotle said friendships based either affinity utility true loveaside exceptions think friendships ever life utility affinity ones based true loveand deep inside core good person explains suffer like punishment think manipulator