not birthday whatever wantits birthday im level  survived  fucking years ive depressed long remember cant recall happy memories never gf never many real friends  years since last saw old friends moved on lives moved cities study old high school crush wished happy birthday told go friends friends irl  online friends never met irl social anxiety let make new friends or least thats excuse im high school see working  hours week again much hope future die now leave much behind parents brother upset probably never forget redflag cant live satisfy them know today would nice birthday wish someone would kill without pain maybe give gift