planning week kill myself hangingits sad dont want it overwhelming depression fear spend next  years life earth scary die anyway people die young  years old house make six figures business great social life shit dont care make social life better push people away anyway ive three great girls life could married started family with thought hot shit playboy reality wanted alone feel bad let parents down friends people close going disturbed upset this justifying it people deal grief soon dead too religious believe afterlife god think likely scenario blank nothingness never violent person never understood people shoot place kill themselves would never desire that would never hurt anyone anything especially animal dont get wrong dont like people would never think hurting someone didnt deserve it even deserve wouldnt balls im ranting now shame teens early s high aspirations wanted somebody wanted make alot money good things im stuck average severely depressed alone fucked last relationship due depression pushed away thats probably alone forever im sorry parents crush you hope stay strong best people know couldnt asked better parents love you plan hang probably week done dry runs really think it redflag notes written out plan get hotel room know sucks hotel staff cant parents find hanging plan leave hotel staff money least do