failed attempti tried kms night let cousin know cuz always talked wanted come get kids morning well rang police arms messed nothing family kids week ever completely childfree yrs considered away thats ideal time it ive trying hold on call social services hour ago questioning ability children police woman night condescending cow smirked whole time made report sound way worse was cousin never called police im worse position before im sat tears meds ready need see children one last time cant video call cuz family members know something stop me thinking writing letters that still get see them need hug them feel terrible leaving them hate life much ss crawling one thing cant handle kids things got bed for im good mum get every day even want lie bed waste away look get appointments kids things kept here even sometimes feel like enough im actually fighting whether it drunk night im sober feeling overwhelming im going potter round tidy up wait sign dunno sign looking for something good happen make decide stick around something bad push past tipping point read far thank you really needed tell someone feel safe knowledge going call police family members me