thoughts jumpingeven though feeling suicidal couple years ago cant help feel compelled make plans sometimes zone like know bridge thinking city would easy jump like barrier kinda short could climb it thing stopping actually going  travel time brain committing it like instantly transported location id want wouldnt hesitate jump brain wouldnt time reason wish could that feel lucky dont easy access things like guns country otherwise would long gone things life feel like going fine despite everlasting depression like mostly alright familyfriends new boyfriend however cant help feel intrusive thoughts cant shake