alive absolute torture every day wake everyday disappointed die night before last  months medication therapy avail hospitals danger self harmed much point scars arms doubt ever heal life huge downward spiral long remember ruining friendship someone person made feel anything meaningful long fucking time straw broke camels back complain barely anything good life fuck everything good it past weeks trying whatever escape world awful lonesome empty feel even hours drugs alcohol whatever always come back hole always am little brother every time tells loves get sad want leave much fucking pain know much longer go without ending all fought fought depression took right steps get better nothing works anything feel even worse know anyone read need vent know much longer