feeling lost wanting dief  throwaway account im tired feeling lost want die dont know want world feel like square peg circle here im first year college im autistic reading comprehension problems originally majoring psychology ever since  wanted become clinical psychologist semester scheduled intro psychology  intro biology statistics first year seminar scheduled classes didnt realize much overload be much reading comprehension sucks struggled keep psychology reading everything else read  pages psychology exam ended withdrawing class last friday feel lost dont know major anymore dont want drop college nothing else life lately feeling wanting kill stronger thought dying actually gives pleasant feeling werent high botched redflag rate also parents would try kill myself