somewhat better still fighting suicidal ideationso years medicated stopped taking meds years ago episode got worse worsebringing us year  felt like shit me january semiok fight friend and housemate led telling get fuck apartment feeing guilty considering walking traffic get rid problem id reactions small things years realize problem talking therapist year february hit like bricki got sick fast panic attacks almost every day started struggle leave apartment suicidal bent selfharm too purged first time years tried hang aprili started therapy march much afraid tell therapist started medication later april got current dose combination late may lot ways feel better energy back im sleeping eating ok days ive gotten errands id put six months feel like im losing time way was days im ok days im still contemplating redflag whim looked lethal dose one meds considered saving antiemetic medication alcohol trying get kind rest way ive feeling long sometimes going good sleep im alone hours ive odd before ending er and icu days waking vomit still feels tempting know tell psychiatrist this im horrified though possible hospital bills disappointed husband would take week work stabilize point happening know do im afraid actually going telling people whats going on