prepare roll eyesim  dismissed university pittsburgh let go student job thousands dollars student debt behind months worth rent see plain day life over ive worse im tired ive failed many times getting difficult summon strength thankfully time spend failing doors close stars ive shooting come closer ground every time miss attended swanson school engineering whim found depressing city broken people relationships uninspired jobs deadend cant help realize im constant factor superficial interests spend days watching youtube videos ad nauseam think site preys bored depressed alike spend days entertaining myself think maybe secret passion entertaining others im definitely critical maybe writer director even youtuber irresponsibly bought condensor microphone wrote script wanted make someone laugh week struggling release first  minute video ive realized anything im going want require hard work feel like me  years misery beaten joy life kicked  month spicebath salts addiction years ago find im still weak piece garbage waiting next source entertainment id say passions life really passion life feel like trying continue making videos really anything creative help cant express enough feels like im moving quicksand like theres small voice within begging keep going muster expressionless labored movements trouble would cause loved ones would jumped next life seconds hope writing embarrassing whiny drivel ive least shown im authentically unhappy importantly hope forgive taking time thank reading id appreciate feedback really