long post aheadi really know feel like kind last hope letting without people constantly trying help shitty you need move forward shit like that i well lonely man  years feel like lived life theres nothing live little more why lot issues depression anxiety self loathing loneliness stuff well comes back teenage years divorce really messy exposed everything hate ensued fear understanding goes it help feel responsible it mean bullied school came back home insults flying around like say hello also help first time life top class yeah add dissapointment vocabulary parents school side things no stop there see picked guitar mom like dad encourage pursue learning it self loathing comes that hey whatever everyone shitty teenage period next thing explore situation became even worse come family  mom dad  sisters brother get worse well older sister left house go live dad tensions rising mom her without father confessing everything her missed us forth left tend younger bro sis much me brother hard time acting out mom constantly tail saw turn red anger sweating much would thought fever thing thought of go dads since whenever went there okay so comes fateful wednesday month october  told mom going dads evidently took well throwing bro curb wait dad pick us up let sister behind made stand her telling mom also wanted come always raised support ourselves did told mom leave us alone moment hated her hurting supported know thats mistake looking it since understand feel left curb alone dads everything went fine went away university dropped of younger sister bullied brother slaps face shit like that came back home trying fix things family breaking apart failed again oh good note found love time became escape shitty family whenever visited felt like loved even family big change me depression began everytime come back home felt like torn inside out fear stress point lived mom cause dad kicked out saying piece shit gave nothing trouble huge problem find way get home impose mom long tried contacting mom touch seven years now went well point little sister called middle night time  told missed wished her nobody defending little bro night explained everything treated bro slapped hard busted lip raging remember sleep finally got visit buying train ticket propose meet mom again everything fine expressed desire stay mom could make feel better worked while good true cool things fast pass cycle began anew decided get job far away move gf time years knew other know say life always find way mess you well lung infection nearly killed me oh also girlfriend cheated me kicked since lost job pay shit disspointment everything fault even mom still thinks fault back square one back moms depression kicking ass since fucking long year  comes big fight tonight my mom remarried mom new hubby told move soon year already staying struggling get back feet failed therapy failed job interviews inability connect others even stronger before nowhere left go one talk to called redflag hotline prevention shit hit fan mom new hubby lost parent redflag caught talking could go he really helpful anyone gave shit saying people wants kill it talk stop threats snapped told fuck life since source problems their words imagine feel now laying hotel room bed sister worrying nothing her sorry long post wanted never it ashamed family anyway hope get sleep tonight laying outalso hopefully stopping thoughts