want pregnancy kill without regretim sick everything gross fucking room temper tantrums toddler throws mice think place roomies dishes trash everywhere pain pregnant despite birth control scraping keep bills stay thousands dollars debt apply jobs behalf fucking himself doctors blatantly making difficult get sterilized give birth second time  im still young may change mind  constantly judged mom sometimes scream cant take more again maybe shit mom becauae even toddler yanks hair hits toys put away shortened nap think much want die try desperately cry around cant hold know seeing way damaging way fault shitty mom like hes old enough understand that sees me wreck mess thing really keeping together right fact pretty fucked kill leave toddler alone hours till dad gets home weeks baby sibling born maybe moms kids live enough honestly hurts more choices options even death revolve entirely around whats best kids im trapped lost angry dont want feel way cant stop it wanted  better foot forward wanted stronger happier mother wife dont spine it feel like im crushed alive one nothing help me im tired want go sleep never wake up want done