f feeling less human option feels rightim going act feelings yet theyve lasted consistently weeks now im going lay background whatever else im new suicidal thoughts first thoughts around  bullied unhappy school going me accepted early college program schedule full classes interested in things rocky ever started high school fine english class remarkable much else grades reflect sort good used to unsuccessful attempt  bad report card grade trouble explaining result started medications anxiety depression back august i know long stretch time between seeing attempt december worked well enough soothe physical symptoms pharmacy always gave mother runaround psychiatrist prescribed basically seldom got filled time issue talked proper change made prior psychiatric involvement schoolbased therapy therapists simply right me know kind stomp negative thoughts breath kind tried therapist facility prescribes medication incompatible one well guessing particular one used younger clients myself pediatric care general feels small age theres much wait kept trying therapists one felt connected leave state permanently early semester care sick family came surprise school even tell left mentally limping hurt shock failing early college program things felt alien have relearning handle high school found going office administrator simply telling me new therapist hired soon after things okay connect recently terminated sessions think covidinduced teletherapy clarified incompatibility general problem connecting people friends talk regularly always feel alien even though mostly lot talk about listen talk favorite actors friends crushes understand it rationalize sympathize like capacity understand thinking someones attractive passing able recognize actors fans work feeling like song saved life ive seldom felt myself though felt however romantic feelings people lasted year more theyre always intense always study person develop feelings along way always talk tend care lot get confused realize feel ive never significant sometimes gets down despite disliking high school relationships play out people shown interest me first time mutual neither us really wanted directly confess switched schools really want hear that approximately month after someone else showed interest feeling same get along things thatd stop relationship one thing im bisexual hes homophobic match made heaven ive never dances never found someone attractive simply looking sure im even capable relationship people even find attractive say passing never hear again throw body image issues wahhh mom understand me nth degree feelings idiot constantly feel crux failing high school despite possibility graduate early play cards right tiny detail get stuck one topic interest talk others long unintentional rudeness blocks text write trying explain myself learned phrase social cue meant  pretty much everything making feel worthless tldr like girls teen bad school communicating connecting people cant get date mental health services around suck sorry things jumbled trouble figuring put things proper order