hey posting throwaway account obvious reasons also english first languagebut graduated last year school feel really hopeless like idk schools out really know personality want do school faking am class clown etc get accepted make friends went pretty rough break first girlfriend year ago break able perform bed girls performance redflag ultimately led wanting anything girls tried viagra etc work time could get redflag become worsenow alone room hopeless wishing could sleep forever like motivation anything end drinking andor smoking weed watch youtubenetflix job like something do soon leave feel really whack hoping someone could give encouragement support insecure depressed