tried open suicidal thoughts one seems really careim  preexisting mental health issues lost job car house last months lost job covid substitute teacher car bad transmission cant afford fix roommate wanted boyfriend could move in said yes latter cant even stand anymore cant afford rent own told boyfriend yr ive mental health problems think need seek help im ready tell plan redflag response didnt need therapy needed get job like job suddenly going make interested life again problem ive applying jobs everyday havent able get call back jobs available cashiers hardware stores teacher two degrees interest diy really dont see cure changing outlook life hate retail workers all know working hard months ago would feel like massive step back anxiety bad hard time talking people instantly cry start trembling im uncomfortable situation even talking insurance phone cause severe panic attacks doesnt exactly make great candidate customer service retail makes burden everyone around me boyfriend backed living me saying wasnt enough room house anymore move parents dont good relationship dad told ive never happy domestic violence ive witness growing up unfair pressure felt dad life overall situation right now decade ive wanted end life never guts it im afraid anxious ever thoughts intrusive theyre constant even plan place it think time it find me id need carry deed theyre response im acting like  year old living nightmare ive two days spent room bothering anyone except maybe could hear crying ear door cant help feel like giant nuisance everyone nobody really seems care think im serious feel like im joke