class  always thought life would lead either joining military going college however pandemic hit everything life turned upside down lost friends lost family lost myself starters would go recruiting office every day recruiter would call fat dumb show up remember specifically one day gained  pound losing  her found one pound put water diet drink liquids however dinner gained weight back point on knew starts lose hope seen talk friends me caught covid could leave bed whole month went back recruiting office saw faker human being moving forward point chat told straight would anything good life said army good thing me night starved june  hoping get skinnier show right however found hard way help made weight worse year since starved myself however nothing changed sit family want college try out back plan except met right feedback met feedback made thoughts worsen calling retard getting told never good enough  sadly every time try bring up either call names stop conversation hide paperwork colleges sorry long cannot take longer family trouble