im birthday party people dislike hope get drunk enough go iti really wish could go home cry sleep without offending anybody  reason nobody host really wants even seem like invited unwillingly want go club afterwards  feel uncomfortable tag along even though part plan popular club means prices high people pretty snobby elitist room dancing people furious slightly touch accident feels like economic statement activity one fun meanwhile im supposed go looking like abomination horror movie thats putting effort looks disgusted sheer sight hideous body without even talked and im sure would make things worse problem is promised somebody could crash place flat mates uptight either go get apartment trust enough give keys either wish said cant come unfortunately im sucker social interaction take opportunity not many probably makes worse even pretty much know theyll make miserable that ive realised yet another reason life waste resources achieved anything im liked anywhere everything destined fail straightup feel cursed point intention continue living life whatsoever tried ending life once unfortunately survival instincts seemed kick in wish knew turn off would make things much easier actually im waste least waste recycled cant be im actually worse trash