constantly know feel like missing core something joy felt happiness there feel emptyim sure anything spiritual level depression brain chemistry wack whatever elseim relationship someone feel like constantly disinterested me feel constantly alone drug problems recently pushed get want grt back overdose something kicked house keep spending money oneof things feels nice hard bot try cry everydayi feel alone like bo one despite knowing people want die run away woodsi write suicide letter day instead tried distract myselfi want die feel empty know make itive trying get contact therapist waiting  months waiting list feel closer suicide everydayive ben thinking calling suicide hotline idki know do want help love care want die know stop wanting die missing core