im sadi feel sad every day feel like im losing memory mind ive struggled depression severe anxiety entire life never bad good life good friends successful career deep feel misery dont like anything decided long time ago experiencing true moment happiness peace would never kill strength conviction gotten lot hard times many years lately feel like im surrounded shadow dont know do dont want die im sick enduring pain sadness constant worrying know im selfsabotaging cant stop it feels like im runaway train dont even know im writing im looking for guess writing thoughts cathartic way anyone else feel like feel feel like past get it