want live anymoreim  past  years life hell monumental situation happened  years ago ever since nothing bipolar maybe cant handle feeling like rest life certainly will child  alcoholics severely depressed mother never showed ounce self love that lovely trait given me like im bred hate myself want live know sure never different forever depressed unhappy want go day day this people sense something wrong always stay away like toxic is im right mind everyday know worthless meaningless huge world know cant make difference know im psychological mess thats good nothing one likes around me hate around myself live  thought going rest life makes want die even more theres nothing do go gym everyday social since life constant state nothing depression hiding everyone lose friends make manage get past depression lose talk much hate life myself everyone moving lives falling love getting married starting families starting careers buying first homes meeting new people jobs moving new places theyre happy everything seems right everyone monumental fuck up