hopefully last true confession understand reasoning false hope camp  redflags almost caused almost death father amount friendships fucked me emptiness human contact lack confidence self esteem fucked fucked everything loved got people certain shit life helped best could happy never be hard imagine past decade game survival living every broken heart every thing hurt me deserve shit get anyone deserves live sure hell aint me anyone close personally knows reads this im sorry im self isolating want leave plain want die hate living aint right me want happy want die want girlfriend love cant happy left me nothing dont give false hope understand reasoning explanations this feel like  different people need escape cycle goodnight new zealanders