im happy want diei got sober ago im happy im healthy love people life love life love everything future might become disgusted disappointed exhausted at whatwhom why sure hell know pit lower part chest hard concrete feels like crushing unity desolation loneliness hopelessness physically feel it despair involves matter well doing well think doing self harming often usually life getting better get happier spent whole week people love love me spent whole week things love good me spent whole week thinking moment would right moment cut neck spent every moment outside house wishing back bathroom razor hand ran fingernail across site im going cut good friends wanted either get locked psych ward tear fucking neck open wanted cry want die want live everything feels tasteless tiring even though everything beautiful exactly be feel powerless urge know going kill me kill im control myself always control myself tiring fighting myself hate happening actually love im might go wrote redflag notes want die feel like cant fight anymore