chronic intractable pain redflagthe doctors helping anymore know do crying wheelchair pleading quality life meaningless seemingly everyone honestly reason im still is fear end life painful pain dealt every day honestly much coward anything falling asleep never waking back up thought waking indefinite amount days months years knowing night get less  hours sleep wake gasping pain heart racing sit awful painmoan sounds like demons hear eraampe sometimes cannot that thought im stuck everyone around healthy fine almost perfect life wake every morning new hell makes angry want hurt others thats terrifying never want anyone suffer even fraction like have ever know else do think turning hospital saying im much pain want kill myself earn anything psych ward stay least  hour hold doubt psych ward would clear able go physical issues  id probably get thrown top floor embarrassing  days never able return hospital bc nurses think im crazy never take seriously again sort options live waking hell constant physical pain make attempt probably agony might even fail leave mangled ive never less idea carry living