i ve tried i ve put in effort i ve fought back and i did get better before it all went downhill again til i m back to square one then still i got told to try and put in more effort to fight back a if that wasn t what i have been doing to get this far to survive this far no matter how much effort i put in the end everything came back to nothing it s all meaningless they would only see the result without acknowledging nor appreciating the effort i m too tired to fight anymore i don t have anyone to talk to about my problem more like i don t have anyone that i trust enough for me to really open up to even the friend i got right now i can t feel a strong connection with them i don t even talk much with them also too scared to even talk to a therapist and seek help having to reveal my problem like that make me feel vulnerable miserable and embarrassing another reason for not seeking help is so i can break down even more until i really lose my mind and there d really be nothing better than dying i guess but mainly i hate the idea of having to reveal myself to others a i ve mentioned just before this i ve grown too tired i ve been spending a lot more time in my room playing game and barely doing anything productive outside of my work i don t have any motivation or dream sometimes i fear having to sleep at night because by the time i wake up i d have to go through another dull day again and repeat the same thing over and over again the problem is in me i can t run away from myself i wish i could just disappear from existence and it d be nice if no one would remember me at all i m going to sleep and i hope i won t wake up to greet another day but i know that ain t gon na happen will delete this post later i don t really like posting a rant like this too but i really needed to get it out a bit please don t mind this post at all and have a good day to whoever ha read this til the end