ill probably okay read want toseems kinda weird posting place like this but fuck it wish somebody knew me anyone really cant believe small family is dad degenerative bone disease mom pancreatic cancer luckiest least one last couple years longer theres doubt it theyre dying never really knew anyway definitely know never really knew me still think im christian thats it family friends consist coworkers try hang much can know im dealing with cant it just dunno right make others feel bad situation friendly thing do theyre basically best friends cant tell anything whats going me told one once cried it cried too shit happened me suicidal two years ago downed bottle vicodin got warm bath razor me made okay ended crying sleep swore id never try again but fact theres but scares me know ill come back it matter stupid is much know never wanna go back there still goddamn stupid possibility nobody knows that nobody whomever happens read this get drunk almost every night somehow hoping ill escape problems really gets worse still nobody knows im actually pretty happy around others happy enough theyd never truly suspect thing im strong enough make work but yknow tick tock