struggling  years depression suicidal thoughts always thought keeping work best thing i would sleeping entire day working no big mistakeit th week sick leave mess feeling day day cannot imagine difference feel connected myself even smiling feel useful again even shit entire day needed sleep take nap waking up needed think annoying coworkers needed go bike ride pm wednesday needed days front tv eating crap watching stupid shows nothing neededpeople go work every day feeling like shit crying work hours talk whoever supports discuss taking time off responsible it take advantage it office job course makes easier boss read much bottom sub wanted give bit light better timesi  sure feel like forever always ups downs mental health learned important lessons myself everything help get depressive episode future welcome burn depression