want give lifei  gay jobless single moved india states hoping give fresh start rather tumultuous childhood teenage years trying identify pushing fit among people dismissed different among muslim family know gay jobless today foreign land surviving last couple dollars keep getting rejected job interviews record masters electrical engineering something passionate hoping switch careers gained grounding us nothing sort happened life pushed back darkness yet again dont feel like going back home failed myself parents everyone hoped would make big never happened feel like corpse starting rot one talk feel lonely shit try pushing hope things dont seem happening want give rest drained mentally physically giving option see reason