redflag attemptthis long time ago cant remember caused breakdown probably something stupid tired feeling mom surgery years prior bunch old pain meds never took  pills even think knew take pillsfireball whiskey soda go deep woods want anyone find me drink alcohol take pills  minutes later feel total peace painworriesanxieties go way last thing remember passing out woke next day  hours later vomit dog laying next me remember chose weekend mom dad away suicidal mental illness always there close get point return