think people around ideaim always surrounded people work i work fairly big retailer none idea whats going head getting harder hide it  friends momment getting better anything getting worse way feel good drugs thats time feel anything close happyness remember quite happy before seem truly happy im surround people like friends either hanging someones house them longer getting point yet again want end it failed attempt  weeks ago decided try and carry on trying survive working social skills getting new friends almost impossible know go meet either im constantly alone room feel lonely want guts properly time one live like this every day torture