decided it plan backup plan put motionim tired cycle whenever thought killing months ago scared know method going use want suffer thought websites would reason tons them great suggestions cite actual redflag research im going go pretty straightforward method shotgun mouth honestly cant take cycle hating myself isolated getting sort help except you handle yourself friends family today  minutes late therapy appointment looking forward seeing horrible week last week see presidents day got mixed times called  minutes appointment mentioned told would right there close by told policy reschedule cant take appointments  minutes time mine supposed be well cant make next week class field trip reschedule friday  weeks thats last fucking straw bit late apologized cant get little bit time even nobody gives fuck therapist give fuck job know convenient called right supposed able come in kill fuck hurt someone else started think killing ex girlfriend burning house family pets it hate much know true sometimes say anything vagina feelings requested male therapist bet shit happen anyway nobody worry im killing reasons alone thoughts agonizing im going hurt anybody except myself able get hands shotgun go take class shooting range everyone focused targets put gun mouth shoot myself thing im worried good samaritan trying stop notice this im quite happy end life stop burden anyone else peace love all hope overcome going make finish line