know im suicidalive experiencing growing urge kill myself difficult deal with multiple times tied noose looped around neck sat down dropping weight rope first time kind hard breathe putting much load rope time id tie little higher push little harder almost point completely lose consciousness thing is clue this pretty good life anything complain about im pretty spoiled sixteen year old ive tried trace steps coming ideas could making depressed one really good explanation mind while made happy days  suicidal thoughts however recently started feeling like might answer went trouble fixing thing found nothing right now thing lean on im tearing pieces mind im feeling suicidal again instead thinking ways help myself im thinking ways kill myself theres quite go without even leaving house post meant draw attention myself personal benefit feel like telling someone this thought horrifying much easier reach complete strangers trust most