really want die cant matter whatha im failure cant anything want matter is matter simple cant it best friend friend abandoned me bullied life lot people small group friends thought turns sometimes assholes causing trouble football games shit mention never cared alcohol problem one friend actually left me funny thing is said talk anytime weeks later stops answering calls way contact cos use social media anymore helped suicidal doubt decided stop talking willingly started change proud me alcohol problem either somewhat drunk everyday binged drink never felt addicted easy quit found reason reason gone want drink avoid pain