life falling apart think diemy life fucking joke haha kind joke dark sad kind joke outward appearances top world advanced degree great job ive high school sweetheart  years friends money etc truth is degree helped find happiness life job awful hate it im getting divorced im living  x  room blow mattress soontobeex flies back forth atlanta spend time new boyfriend who family loves cant find new job nothing ive tried works everyone around tells keep trying lt worst thing ever btw cant even focus shitty job anymore means im probably going get fire next round layoffs what im slowly starting accept one shot love im going alone rest life oh thats impossible say need take time havent even really started looking dated anyone  years dated girls high school know date im terrified even try addition think about seems like really bad proposition im short balding deep voice contrary popular opinion degree seems turn people hilarious ways thats one things really surprised me thought getting phd physics would earn respect maybe even admiration instead get either i combination feartrepidation ii complete apathy ive crunched numbers region  single women age group assume a im attracted  b  attracted seems harsh again short balding low selfesteem physicist lets say conservative estimate leads grand total  women might shot longterm relationship  odds certainly favor im  years old future discern afterlife redflag longterm impact me fact id speeding inevitable eliminating pain life not