know doive got things want life idea gonna work out probably wont apply college thats terrifying might get might like wherever go expensive fuck idea might like career well might work out case much waiting meantime sister might dropping college soon want find is maybe kill myself seems appealing think it ive thinking years maybe ill never get better maybe ill wreck forever want that kill myself therell stress anxiety self loathing pain hiding things family friends blissful silence cant decide want want hurt family already see way out cant live house sister might move back home know do every night cut never enough