no matter the progress i seem to make regardless of how happy i feel and the more successful my life becomes in spite of all this when i lay my head down to sleep my first thought are always taking my own life i ve lost count of the time i ve imagined shooting myself through the mouth or taking a shotgun and blowing my head off into the lake these thought are persistent and nagging and feel a though with each passing day they become closer to reality i don t believe this will happen in the immediate future but it doe seem an inevitably that will happen in 0 year time i ve started to even think of a framework of how it should go write the letter say my last word to friend and loved one make confession to a priest set a firm date and decide on the method i wonder if by writing this i bridge the gap even further