threw life away abusive mentally ill man nothing see reason continuetwo years ago making  year rented lovely apartment life great except depressed lonely bored decided treat extravagant three week holiday hawaii met man spent whole weekend together pretty fantastic though quite red flags went him chose ignore thinking vacation fling fast forward two years thought met someone loved me met disturbed mentally ill alcoholic controlling emotionally abusive addicted codependant quit excellent secure well paying job moment dilusion thinking going move hawaii get married finally broke february take anymore unemployed soon homeless june th able pay rent anymore best friends longer want friends completely hopeless life worth living think redflag often im  years old single skills education im currently going counselling last money helping every job ive ever done ive hated every single minute even good one want work want anything want lie hole wait die