kind want dieim really gonna anything it too redflagy post rself going here throwaway one person knows handle id rather risk it yeah im want die brother whos  im  even though hes  fucking torments me get really really upset sad way like im pissed him sound like whiney teenager even though right now thats am nothing ever done it hes got bad attitude hes horrible everyone even mom hates hes youngest child hes always gonna extra leeway older brother never had know im older im expected extra work responsibility never stuff age hes lazy really honestly annoying makes fun stupidest shit like mom pick dog poop th july party its not today brother laughing calling names luckily mom made job took away phone week even still stop giving shit anyways enough talk brother lost person ive ever loved like died talked since took concert kissed end night even first time kissed rd time like like place guess holding hands whole night bought wore matching shirts ffs know im wrong kissing im definitely saying entitled feel like least deserved explanation im hoping love someone romantically again im basically aromantic romantically attracted him really like identities anyways aromantic description guess ugh people ask talk like illness im broken im interested romantic relationships dad oh god hes awful like calling dad mom got divorce  went city across state could take concert hes horrible like ive finally realized hes really actually emotionally abusive im crybaby gaslighting horrible like compassion fear feetsockssome shoes like cant within feet sure af cant touch them getting laundry dropped sock even clean ones freak ok asked pick bit shaky reluctantly avoid yelled at guess what still yelled at saying clean knew pointless try explain cried also dog allergic dogs anything it let sleep thats it sick whoooole trip wanted die sick anymore dog staying another days clearly important wellness thanks dad guess suppose im live buys things try make shittiness early life know hes still shitty got weezer concert doc martens trip pretty cool crying time wasnt feel like mentioned earlier cut burned long ass time started like   stopped january st  time got psych ward near redflag attempt go know im glad didnt thing gotten better worse since then one best friends since th grade were going junior year hs right now like person world talk wanting exist general suicidal ideation trusts kill id trust ever thought might hurt make attempt know loves lot love too cant help feel paranoid might actually like me know get along family feels like never really have were horribly incompatible point healthy us living together im  im gonna stuck least go college like  years less feel like living worth effort im even afraid die anymore thats depressed long done me sorry wall text thanks anyone whos read much