struggled ptsd depression physical pain hate fear ect ect ect since left military right deployment  mental hospitals rating va issues day goes life think redflag stooping much hurt keep feeling bay time today day afraidish feel confident try attempt life tonight  sure mood getting worse every minute passes trying figure call help things consider this last time made call help mental ward topeka ks many months muuuuch longer average stay want go again many reasons one want bring bc nasty catch  understand spend days month ward it loose disability month homeless again option swore last time matter what even day ever homeless again deserve this so said reluctant ask help bc feel almost signing life away make little money va anything would fall financial hiccup would crush life know do want stop pain want old life back miss me