sure actually suicidal fear redflaghello everyone  years old history mental illness exept trichotillomania think somekind ocd sure diagnosed story started  months ago remember exact date day feel like changed life sitting laptop friends house working new project saturday afternooneverything awesome sun shining birds sining drinking favorite coffee logged facebook chat one colleague yeahawesomebut thenthe news chester benningtons redflag popped right face freaked without reason started suicidal thoughts started googling results wereas guessmajor depressive disorder completely freaked out went home went right bedi felt sick stomach felt like vommiting sleep eat next day felt way eat everything felt pointless without reason anxiousnowtwo months later feel like everything changed constantly anxious everything seems pointless half day times day feel almost back normal still time constantly head constantly googling mental health still thoughts googlinglife worth living want kids terrible world would easier give oneverything fine news chester poppes up never thought redflag before get it questions thoughts are  suicidal obsessed fear itmy stomach always anxious arrives tell  something wrong brain ocd mddanxiety  always way  happened me  happened