lost friend lost liveever since  best friend always struggled dark thoughts overall sadness i know depression could always count him could always count considered family four guys group throughout teenage years  friends im alone bestie joined college started work started drift apart would still hang could could feel growing cold days ago asked hed like hang said hes got project college able come left it hours later scrolling instagram post one friends popped hanging pub course without me clear day wanted nothing me years meant nothing anymore know ive ever felt like life felt like whole world crushed me heart started race trouble breathing understanding happened sent message asking hed lie said friends wanna hang me even though hurts like fucking hell told okay wished best blocked even though want lose best friend know beg thats wants it am  years old literally  friends hobbies social life achievements life parents probably disappointed fuck me dead end job im aware people way worse get low point  even start  even  right feel like ending all one would probably even notice im gone it know strangers online probably care maybe someone tell