constantly feeli keep thinking time limited fantasize  different redflag scenarios alcohol sleeping pills ordering cyanide salt drinking i know cant talk methods much cant stop thinking these couple years since ive depressed  months since ive started staying bed excessively desire anything including fixing situation im going run money eventually forced sell house process literally terrorizes me given little energy anything redflag ultimate avoidance now ultimate relief constant anxiety preventing perhaps becoming homeless parents offered let go there theyre getting now theyre physical pain themselves need coming back  fucking years old cant die already ive posted along lines before know cant fucking keep myself much cant tell parents understand depression want scare them scared say much dr case get sent hospital involuntarily hotline maybe thats need know want get better keep living shitty life im tired this