dropped shortly turning  turned  now cannot believe fast time moves barely recall anything happened  almost nothing years probably deep undiagnosed depression looking back iti feel like mentally physically developed since turned  makes sick stomach could coma  years nothing would changedmy real excuse major surgery  put commission  course wielded shield questions responsibilities passed faked distance education age   covid served grand excuse first  months last year snapped ridiculous mindset mid  earned spot decent university starting properly age many people mind straight  finished iti redflag   even  completely palmed life money game without considering experiences missing going answer age question  maintaining straight face   months feel like missed much already actions taking mostly meaningless people knew already kids getting promotions going grad school fun got big circle friends show iti fucking  even  time  year degree over thinking close  makes upset taking stock writing helps even one reads it hold hatred anyone myself deal much lost time