need scared dyingi feel like even know normal anymore even happy  years ago feel like body even remember again recently turned drinking help cope freak boyfriend break heart withdrawals two days top destruction one point drank bunch cleaner ended throwing basically right away certainly enough kill me missed work call go back tomorrow telling hospital wasnt maybe been im getting much anxiety sadness it degree work retail im even good capable that social anxiety constantly killing making hard carry conversation around anyone boyfriend whole life one constant fuck up im honestly bother im going ever fuck more deserve world deserve patient loving boyfriend wish could die everytime overdose end getting scared telling someone landed ward twice considering crashing car next since would something come back from even im still scared im waiting kinda wanted vent see anyone feels point lives