thoughts redflag life seems like much effort ma bit current situation first thing im depressed im even unhappy fact happy relationship supportive family good friends im bit cynical im usually rather good spirits bad times still little kid  abusive stepparent hes outta life now plus think really relevant suicidal thoughtsiam also student university zoology iam well im overly smart little motivation even though find topic interesting socially awkward ive grown accept really see implications negative also motivation issues since ish years old ive never really passionate anything video games anime chilling friends girlfriend im thoughts redflag im thoughts redflag think effort takes happy life worth actual happiness gain like struggle hard uni course fully prepared more likely fail realistically may possibly get low paying job animal related jobs tend low paying worry money rest life try enjoy good moments support hobbies know sounds really negative guess is honestly think realistic view future life think average joes life be yes good times happy times life seems like lot stress effort happiness know normal people stress way jobs life etc motivation that guess laziness core it stress make happy like rich set life even bother committing redflag amount stress life would drastically go down obviously deaths would occur etc etc stress would still minimal doubt accomplish anything change anyones life drastically know make people happy probably missed x amount time think im kind replaceable people lives thought ways could myself worry im going near future something im considering moment per say would something consider like moving house long thought decision moment im ready commit redflag also fear death fear pain death may bring death also incredibly curious death brings something always option always since like  could say never sometimes obvious also think would rather homeless sometimes  know coming someone whos never homeless sounds bad feel would rather go hungry cold stick really stressful timeline life conclude know post must sound selfish petty compared everyone elses problems im  sure even place it im trying understand feel way thoughts prominent going stress uni also particularly want tell family friends type stage intervention something also sorry post messy hard understand edit formatting