ventfantasizing redflag due pessimistic yet realistic imo views men feel like im delaying inevitableits long want read it thank you least might make feel little better want scream growing up like many girls belief point meet wonderful man marry children childhood never wavered thought saw parents love always true strong values towards love intimacy working team together get hard times life teens still remained true feelings believed knew id kiss frogs found prince knew cheating men lies actions without compassion sympathy empathy thought stuff happened troubling childhoods missing parents severe trauma knew feelings towards men then stronger ever now ive never pessimistic accepting reality ever ive cheated every relationship  them ranging  months  years ive constant receiving end actions made feel like never enough partner however men im also with still comment im perfect blah blah insert compliment here problem finally me firm believer man loves always wander women point theyre better me another shiny pretty object theyre infatuated moment dont care affects long run ever im young attractive female great body end committing redflag positive everyone say idea thought perfect life im educated lawyer beautiful confident etc let explain want sexy someone deserves it feel sexy confident feel confident ever never felt insecure body wasnt beautiful man though constantly compared females every female menu instagram tiktok feel worthless feel less every single time instead someone paying attention beautiful sexy woman front them constantly wondering else there like need new trick something keep someones attention truly sad exhausting even exhausting continue come crawling back begging forgiveness take back still two exs contacting sending things house apologize havent relationship sex two years online dating even depressing get many men asking cum face suck fart ass starts effect you im relationship person core ive never one night stand ever  know much family means family everything reason still family reason other cats committed redflag run visions head parents sisters reactions would would find garage floor car on cant bear put pain keeps pain fantasize redflag almost daily now differs sometimes days entirely think about every time walk room think it corner granite countertop nice would hit head hard became unconscious im lucky hit hard enough bled die would nice look christmas lights wonder strength hold body dangle ceiling staircase railing im walking stairs wonder stood top took deep breath let fall forward stairs would enough falling backwards could hit head sufficiently found thing matters family thing keeping earth family need husband children need reason awake live love loving someone everything have love providing someone cleaning someone things someone cant that way world now think better remove world entirely settle havent decided timeline be end see possibility point conclusions men changing fact longer im alive evidence accumulate solidify conclusions hasnt man yet prove otherwise know everyone tell seek therapy do ive going last five years see psychiatrist well hard therapy therapist tell much know much she know morals lie keeps telling find someone dont know much mentality take even one man cheat me simply cannot again settle eaten apart inside ruin rest make regret committing sooner thanks reading