new type suicidal thoughtsfirst off might well give basic information im  ive plagued thoughts since early teens ive years therapy tonnes different antidepressants antipsychotics none really seemed help much all ive learned live it even going different professionals ive still never properly diagnosed anything slight anxiety disorder like therapy though nice that since im work next month so im therapy get insurance back pills year now past used idealize redflag escape pain monotony living lately become much intriguing idea nothing necessarily wrong life fact things going pretty well hang friends much can im well college courses two possible internships lined summer go back work month previously stated lately ive hooking girl every weekend free despite still constantly live suicidal thoughts seem there theyve always had think them interesting seems actually go it honestly want thoughts stop everything perfect hate end day still wish wake next day exercise frequently eat healthily smoke cigarettes drink know thats contributing factor honestly something ive picked last year half help pass time help cope stresses juggling relationships friends family work college courses short want commit redflag escape suicidal thoughts rather escape living never experienced before know do maybe much free time now maybe itll go away little go back work highly doubt itll go away fully  hours lot time try use best ability reading exercise writing netflix video games school work classes hanging people matter im still left alone thoughts im getting sick it though know happy