theres pointi understand happening me ive always generally quiet person never stuck head belong intrude anyones business feel im punished like devil past life theres light life glimpse enjoyment whatsoever really begin with thought joining military would different would help become confident outgoing same wake up go work get back home nothing sulk go bed start cycle over went depressed high school student depressed military member little year found months ago mom sick things physically mentally needs take care her light life suffering cant take care her im trying things get stationed closer her realistically much chance air force care me well being family care work do feel route destined take while im finally preparing it cant see living end next year let alone end enlistment theres point im gonna state misery entire time cant talk mental health theyll put redflag ward cant talk chaplains always ends talking religion something gave ago nobody truly talk it nobody probably cares anyways want stop feeling way even means stop feeling everything things used stop thinking family much would hurt them potential become something getting lot easier disregard things feel sooner later theres gonna nothing dissuade going it looks like notable thing happen life ill add air force redflag statistic maybe theyll start caring people more