melancholicim sad depressed depth reason know feel this hard alive every day becoming deeply monotonous everyday wake wait night arrive sleep again feeling negativity started arise lately well feel like existence cause negativity around anyone whos happy around feel negative talking me emotions mostly gone numb feel completely empty wishing get enough courageous end myself fear attempt fails stuck body forever saddest part envy happiness around now makes frustrated see others happy might sounding like sadist wish bad anyone looking feel highly envious feel like ever one may suggest interests me whatever find interesting nothing drives me nothing all dull sad melancholic time never knew would happen me happening ive carry every day convince day pass too till keep fooling myself sometimes feels like feelings happiness joy pretended everyone life feels like mass lie told there understand happening blank empty