life meaningless cannot fall asleep night thoughts keep awake cannot get bed morning point days exactly reset everyday wish would stop death sounds like peaceful happy state long happiness truly happy years even know feels anymore showering brushing teeth functioning human activities pointless me care anything make plans might tomorrow care possessions going need them want endgetting help horrible firstly need admit something right thoughts normal need tell others feels like convincing problem call problem everyone sees infact solution problems others see it people say permanent solution temporary problem problem temporary delaying inevitable going die someday want happen sooner rather later fuck world everyone honestly care life constant suffering small instances happiness start taking medication lucky works often not still feel even worse go psychiatrist tell entire lifes story even parts never told anyone feel beter walk room last long right back old self constantly trying fix exhausting see results makes everything worse begin think worth give up way easier end yet keep trying day many times going able catches youi tired tired pretending ok tired pretending give fuck tired thoughts tired putting work fix even know fixed ask way time wish normal maybe even bit closer bottom iq range maybe would accept everything is laugh peoples stupid jokes pathetic human stuff normal feel alive one big dream honest real difference reality dreams maybe kill finally wake dreamfuck worldi want pretend anymorei depression never understand want give advice tell suck go fuck yourself inside mind suicidal person