im lost know anymoreive depressed suicidal ive always able hold together extent right though clue do im college getting degree want late change it ive got great job ive less quit told im welcome back whenever want specialty work outside perfect life mask starting fall apart too ive made lot mistakes hurt lot people hate every single day it ive nearly killed  times last minute chickened hated more lost always thought would get shit point know point making progress failed struggle get bed morning struggle fall asleep night lay cry talking another person awhile back im pretty sure committed redflag makes feel even worse volunteer firefightermedical responder help either takes pieces me mask wear around colleagues falling apart late last year one passed away everything builds top little big thing happens cant take anymore