made two attempts last week long backstorysighhere goes guess long fuck it backstory girlfriend dating  years living together  years back november  girlfriend event florida something like  hours came back event started messaging one guys met event facebook christmas eve called talked phone  hours i parents house afterwards messaged feeling confused feelings man met  time knew almost exclusively facebook messages february  saw messages first time i knew talked trusted enough never question it saw said things like i love you such never responded advances ignored them told made feel uncomfortable want talking anymore told cant control friends whoever wants acknowledged force stop talking made uncomfortable hurt knowing would keep talking him also start notice distant getting angry often fast forward june event together texted i know see able control something regret regret regret it i found message recently also notice grown distant begin seriously worry around time july says event tennessee keeps changing story kind event chalk bad memory end july comes around drive airport event really text whole time people event dont allow use phone it underground i signed nda well know looking location findfriends puzzle solving guys house entire time basically lied set  day vacation cheat me gets back trip notice extremely distant basically always phone sits side couch pushes away try show affection week cant contain anymore finally grab phone sleeps look it see telling due loves even sending lewd photos talking what if abortions such destroyed confront first lies says anything yet admits kissing him finally admits sex lies says event got hotel remember later found event house whole time notice plans see another city event mid august tell goes done etc says want lose going tell friends also notice plans staying hotel event tell get room tells go event comes packs bags goes days event give ask least stop talking crushed daily finish lease together ended october little  month agrees stop talking month next fucking morning wake closing bedroom door we central ac close bedroom door gets hot there get open door ask closed find playing ps him even  hours agreed stop talking lived last month together even wait went work lost it completely broke me tried go bathroom kill tried stop me sat bed tried kill stop me knife cut deep enough gave collapsed tears crying went bathroom wash face police knocked door heard yell come slowly hands air  cops guns drawn grabbed put cuffs questioned us separate rooms denied wanted kill myself police told  minutes pack bag leave ever came back would arrested one pays billsrent lease care days good friend mine talked gf convinced let come back house stay i nowhere else city go things okay little bit beginning september event city went stay at friends hotel planned days go event together try get along better final month turns came town stayed sex  block house forgave finally agreed and appeared to stop talking  days days nice soon blatantly talking again moved moms house another city got place still talk avoids actually seeing person know dump move cant gave  time earth love damn much cant get head matter hard try drugs alcohol friends nothing gets head always mind even dream her prison cant escape tried hang week ago knot hold feel throat hurts like hell close even rope fell blacked out tried last night xanax alcohol failed everything planned future ruined continues lie everyday we still text came saw last weekend needed place stay event refuses see anymore keep asking honest actually understand continues lie lie friends left another country city schoolwork nobody left tried hang old work friend ditched me nobody left anymore meant world gone know love anymore need move cant see future without her lonely sad feel hopeless know purpose life anymore gave life meaning grow old her family her accomplish dreams together best position life new well paying job graduated college sad ever been people keep telling move find someone new never good making friends let alone meeting women casual things nothing serious content forever alone know find anyone else weird ugly asshole just hope tldr girlfriend  years cheated left know turn feel hopeless worthless want die