even doi thought making throwaway this figured even matter people knew found out depressed close  years comes goes kind hard think long  years wanting kill myself  years self hate feeling worthless  years wondering im alive im happy anymore goals life nothing makes enjoy life anymore wake everything feels fake ive graduated high school gone post secondary ive experienced like work hobbies relationships none feels like matters hobbies past used make feel happy longer do think it like trying distract myself hate alone cant stand alone make hate more ive talked people before regular friends even people know psychiatrists end really make feel like nobody really cares seems like people reciting comforting lines before inflict self harm scared hated pain lately though ive noticed become easier easier still scared still it little time ive always done things others life laid front followed it know wanted younger know want now matter since ive gone school told become feel fulfilling though ive always done best school simply told to hate alone cant stand people end feels like everyone fake me of course care soon need talk someone dodge like plague want talk someone nobody ever really cares even know im typing this maybe feel like write want say end it feel empty sort like little spark life slowly gone away throughout years dying seems really good right now