family except dogno siblings parents dad passed away little mom severely terminally ill rest family dont want anything me  years old year  family own even so really jealous peers close families  mother daughter brunches family trips etc one nothing live for one share joys tears with thing keeping going dog fantasize giving adoption i know family really wants her kill finally cant work details though go peacefully bed but would find dead body literally one would look me woods car sounds pretty ideal wish guns legal country maybe finally take trip europe ive always wanted kill myself waiting saving go trip special someone thats clearly never going happen absolutely terrifying alone world want mind shut permanently