actually point livingim  struggled redflag past three four years usually school also everything else news always awful people murdering dumb reasons theres whole fucking pandemic country usa done hardly anything about first time long time feel genuinely scared whats going happen future meanwhile pretend optimistic prepare adulthood spending three hours online schoolwork day parents tell im trying hardest ive clean self harm around six months jesus whats point it want talk parents would even do last time attempted got sent hospital week nurses glared patients way worse take back there like would give break school im keen therapy pandemic last time went therapy could never work courage actually trust therapists i went three antidepressants before made feel even worse ive abandoned friends im awful person everytime talk someone shake usually ghost people online im confident enough take art commissions im dedicated enough write book talents cant even use anything feels like keep living ill watch everything spirals downward actually reason die sorry ranty  im emotional right now im probably edgy teenager ill also probably regret wake