failing bar examafter third attempt taking bar find failed im going end life im  dollars debt cannot find job law field save life im doctor laws im working retail making like  bucks hour cant afford live own im burden everyone around me think im mentally emotionally handicapped leading problems people im total asshole even though try fun friendly anxiety high think people hate me end prick ive never romantic relationship longer  months sex anyone since july  people try get dating apps im all ive women approve profile told things make available others see best light im old someone damaged me im unattractive feel wanted swiped right tens thousands times im apparently offputting cant get match all ive depression whole life went one hardest law schools country ive done great things standards lived good life accounts cannot happy depression eating alive failing bar twice urged try again heartbreak failing twice see way me something wonderful happen first week november resigned fate probably place post publicly it want die dont reason live more love meaningful relationships light end tunnel get better gets worse ill get older sadder ill get fatter balder ill get lonelier angry better wait boils hit someone else want something one ever find body like ever im obviously coward without getting eaten alive wolves drowning painfully dont want traumatize family anyone find gross body want disappear forever body burial ive already thought ocean need something render body completely gone trace eg cant use gun someone could hear it go somewhere could found thoughts miracles appreciated