knowi know note cry help ive stuck downward spiral since teenager keep thinking well time ive hit rock bottom floor crumbles continue years ive struggled alone reasons want get family upbringing sad story heard thousand times cant seem connect anyone enter girlfriend lets call lala absolute angel whatever reason seems love me love too may reason ive systematically onesidedly everything destroy relationship ive cheated times count told heartbroken forgave begged never again look face broke heart stop me longer heart tell her know it even want it far knows were happy couple im dying inside keep telling shell leave eventually itll get forgive second time says shell forgive many times takes thats bullshit everyone limit im coward disgust myself deserve her deserve anything even death deserve sit hell ive created even shred identity left deserve stay alive suffer gotten whatever justice needs whatever justice deserves wont though im working nerve quit job easy part enjoys purpose even slinging food whatever fat load wobbles door cant make decisions ive heard everyone least one positive thing them im probably exception rule im worst person ive ever met