trigger warning humiliating story sitting tears kill myself crosspost rdepressionthis hard type cant really collect thoughts much anxiety coursing mind right now need get chest im going try  try make least complicated possible im going try ramble details much can forgive do past year change suffering depression started way since started develop reveal previously existing ptsd syndromes experienced painful sudden outright abusive breakup end hurt deep never anyone close before mother alcoholic dad physically abused hell kid hes gone now hence ptsd btw leading now year experienced extreme personal trauma abuse important close relationships monthly basis even frequently lately close friends problems romantic relationships nearly started ended because again personal problems these took heaping amounts person abuse berated things hate intentionally saying things knew would hurt really deeply mentally ill people got really vicious terrifying  anyway past weeks feeling extremely lonely missing girlfriend still depression hitting rock bottom one nights loneliness went one fuck cam sites girls chat rooms shit kind hung out cute girl whose thumbnail saw honest libido dead hanging really cam girl thing started lot almost every night least couple hours tipped her lot mean i sent girl probably thousand dollars started relate her wasis clearly depressed well seemed struggling life way was wanted supportive told appreciative that would chat privately stuff text day snapchat seemed like getting along weekend night seemed especially sadlonely chatting offered talk needed someone said would help anyway could surprised shit me wasextremely offended like first sort brushed hindsight which tell  vague security leaks thought uh ok mean pretty sure going get hacked said oh well chatting secure enough could see reliable program something lost shit said respect boundaries pushing etc meanwhile im loss words told anyway hey sorry meant thought worried hacks etc always talk blah blah seemed cool things down felt uncomfortable point last night got on pmed said hey that said think come back nature personal like pushing back arms length causing good deal pain need move along likeripped half told entitled was shit over like said something stalked whole time im sittingspeechless left got drunk snapchatted something hour later replied something like im sorry mean disrespect you wanted help tell feel sort things feel know value privacy really need help send websites find therapy insurance something ill gladly contribute enough go think good person one thats hurt right now get again promise woke morning got message back yelling me saying piece shit am ignorant am idea im talking about continued go pressing personal info  took twitter start publicly bashing me pathetic drone ass fanboys started piling on wellhere are killed me life trauma depression abuse did straw broke camels back cant take anymore big blow knock one cant cant face anymore this im shit piece human scum alone worthless scumbag human being  tldr  abused entire life emotionally hurt abused constatnly heavily friendsfamily year especially recently started internet friendship camgirl sent thousand dollars to publicly betrayed mocked going kill myself