wish friend wish loved meim beginning struggle life reality ive struggling long time im  years old always afraid grow up child hood wasnt great either fact something would never wish upon anyone parents married  years divorced six years old torn two eventually stopped seeing mum years physically emotionally didnt know felt cant remember good times childhood going school wasnt great either never focused failed every exam thrown cant seem focus anything all interests value life dont see enjoyment wake up hoped die sleep every night never happened  years old life took huge turn met love life mean knew something right valued life met her enjoyed conversations meeting her spending time her everything together everything mean everything moved together  point planned ahead time future seemed pained clear day least thought move din everything great wanted get careers sorted ensure enough money enjoy life threw us october   lost job wasnt able provide anymore became severely depressed didnt seek help while finally seemed help put sertaline nothing me didnt say anything stopped taking tried deal problems myself id stay night contemplate life point redflag impact would everyones life march th girlfriend out home myself went bath room wrapped shower cord around neck put something feet ensure would slip possibility going back girlfriend comes home shower knocked out shower cord must broke left went back out broke admitted messaging people behind back meeting them spending nights them ive tried redflag since continue till something works longer happy im product thats past sell date nobody wants me know this friends seem like strangers try talk make jokes try lighten mood cant handle it dont know do maybe last thing ever write is always love woman broke end fed insecuritys led months made feel special wanted made chance didnt always love her