today i had an important college presentation to do but since last night i ve been so dead feel like with my brain my body ha also given up i have to pull myself together to even get out of bed i had to wake up early today and i did but i just couldn t leave my bed i wa cry so much the whole night for no specific reason i decided not to go and explained my partner that i won t make it i told them how i wa feeling funnily they re my best friend who were doing the presentation w me one of them said i didn t have the ball to just say it straight to their face that i just don t want to go because i m being lazy or whatever it hurt me so much how do i explain this to them it make me feel like i m good for nothing i feel like a piece of shit for not doing thing i should be doing everyday it keep on getting worse for me i tried therapy but it just expensive and doesn t work for me plus i always have this stress of spending so much on therapy being a student if this is how it going to be like then i don t even wan na carry on lmao i d rather just kill myself but i can t do that also because i m such a coward and always think about the consequence of my action and how other people would have to deal w it the shame that my parent will have to face i have so much fear and anxiety it so difficult to survive