think go onfirst sorry english im fluent im  diagnosed ocd always shy child friends growing up knowing science history observing actual world society getting lonely feeling belong world since remember hated myself always thinking worthless unwanted anyone first girl could get life s smashed feelings suffered lot this reinforcing i wish dead feelings ive always had last year diagnosed ocd months thinking depression instead took daily medications ocd finally forgot girl year  years suffering her all obsessive passionlove her im getting symptoms depression aside ones ive already had im sorry really hard keep thoughs tell right always though wish dead sometimes kill myself ive never courage myself side job im college was studying electrical engineering quited like almost everything simply cannot think anything future single career yeah ocd probably depression loneliness selfhatred almost friends disdain mankind hope future career dismay anything ive enjoyed courage end alone know anymore cannot stand pain