feeling incrediblydepressedalonemiserablemy fiance moved across country him week later got cancer fighting that terrible genetic disease caused its called nf tumors body anyways k miles away home friends except few doesnt even matter destryoing fiance neediness lonliness cant work lost clothes shoes move many reasons ready die want die going die point anyways serve pain terrible pain worst want die trying hard live brain keeps telling die want wake fiance ask help ive asked enough whats point even writing problems much explain also see therpaist via phone cant see anymore due insurence reasons falling apart cant hold together anymore physically sick emotional sick hate look hideous ugly fat want exist