tomorrow shall attempt reaching freedomit took lot convincing courage post this goes cant take torment anymore dealing mental illnesses years mother damaged further dad left behind soak mothers nearlyconstant rage years ago started seeing therapy parents fighting diagnosed array illnesses panic disorder anxiety depression schizoaffective disorder soon that dad take fighting anymore left twin mother live somewhere else mother still mad leaving us behind without financial support still letting fury me im scared live decent day long time cant go day without auditory hallucinationspanic attacks andor getting yelled sometimes even hit attempted redflag twice past  overdoses first time hardly affected second time close cigar attempted redflag since two years ago thank best friend two years managing give reason live shame hardly contact anymore miss much almost much dad thankfully ill get see dad one last time tomorrow birthday say last time plan attempt redflag way tried two times manage succeed well guess mother finally happy waste space around anymore bothering inch life sister worry ruining plans panic attacks and dad least hell happy around mother anymore guess hope best friend miss much  is doubt hell heal quickly succeed hope get thrown away hospital like last time hospital made worse  gained habit staying several nights end there everyone scared there traumatized event vivid nightmares almost every night horrid place succeed want go back hellhole school ever since people heard go hospital people called horrible names friends left  feared friends someone a freak mentally unstable want face ridicule im sorry bother ill update anyone wants know fail chicken out thank spending time listen