lost liveevery day dive selfpity hate point find point pleasure living anymore im useless terrible person get easily irritated everything everyone cant sleep night im busy day barely sleep i slept  hours week three hours per day less im way behind everyone else college lectures cant find motivation read anything anymore interview therapist week ago said theyd call set schedules start treatment im getting really tired impatient might well abort evertything depression also makes home life fucking horrible feel guilty every time talk family members knowing know depression makes feel disgust towards myself plus past haunting like never esp guilt towards knowing happened childhood knowing memories back even real all im also forgettable people whod miss would little brothers parents even would get sooner later lost friends still talk care anymore suck getting new friends im shy awkward social anxiety romantic life sucks too basically im whiny little asshole cant get shit together deserve live neither wants to even motivation kill despite much want die hope someday get hit car smth die horrible painful death deserve