abusive relationship destroyed everythingmy boyfriend six months told needed choose family knew insane thing ask walked door days ago nc since im realizing relationship destroyed much id realized small culture small community culture region everybody knows him telling people crazy family blame leaving me incidentally family might seemed crazy openly consistently rude them ties community stronger authoritative mine longer show face around community house worship or ones affiliated region connected them addition career tightly linked community dependent good relations many communitys institutions destroyed me even going far estrange important professional contacts happens close to making lies me contacts really instrumental helping build career met him developing good relationships people felt happy getting opportunity earn respect him top that pressure man put family caused pull away me say done me become different person even though longer him changed me say want part new person become six months trying separate family i stupidly thought could get point would ok them snapping me saying mean things guise caring me screaming randomly reason finally bad relationship everything life shattered it bright future used be destroyed relationship family career standing community nothing ever good again never thought redflag before cannot stop thinking swallowing bottle tylenol pm bottle vodka ending it last night even took first baby step practicing ive taken unisom help sleep even though know sometimes makes heart feel funny stop breathing night normally ill take mg last night took  knew nearly enough kill me wanted see would happen know sounds sick hour went jump bed vomited not purpose unpleasant thing really stopping trying thought might actually survive fucked life work field even little bit brain damage would end career cant afford fail sometimes think what life gets better see could possibly get better relationshipwith man really thought onehas failed also left life shambles thanks reading