stay gotoday day second thoughts tools backpack deed work want go though it hate much feel like life irreparable place want ball paranoia stomach go away scared damage im going leave behind empathy left family could care less parents siblings going feel girlfriend going happy this twin daughters  months old people actually care for understand know daddy around anymore playtime funny faces snuggles want push them cant cant handle emotions constant whirlwind mind anymore piece shit even thinking this office right  want it may go hospital instead decided yet either way getting settled tonight