byemy sob story im s born poverty still poverty sexuallyphysicallyemotionally abusive childhood abusers everybody immediate extended family barely scraped graduating high school flunked college lost financial aid first year ive never friends life recently thought talking feel like take much people feel guilty dont deserve help im depressed time bot problem wont bother them ive never relationship even date life im messed trauma severe ptsd think im probably also either autistic im disconnected dissociated myself everybody else isolated entire life never got chance learn humans work im fundamentally different everybody else also chronic illness causes physical pain constantly ranging moderately distracting best debilitating ive  jobs since  cant hold anything down cant anything right anybodys standards even simplest things tried therapy didnt work tried lot things feel like ive never loved never loved never loved im nothing theres nothing