sorry vent one tell to lost friends week fucked huge way inner turmoil bad things like lie broke trust spoke poorly them know actions warrant losing them loved them somehow despite this alone right scary painful know consequence actions hurts much know do recently broke boyfriend chest head feels like going explode went hospital earlier week get admitted inpatient scared try get help afraid failing ill feel hopeless now feel like redeeming myself want get better want change hard one along way one talk to tried reaching people life circumstances prevent us talking scared feel getting desperate cannot see way feeling like