im weak worldi finished last day junior year feel lost diagnosed depression overcome eating disorder sometimes use problems make excuses hate it ive tried kill twice hospitalized once reason attempted frequently greatest goal life become vet dream school cornell seems laughable grades gone badly know  math final might seem like end world some seeing grade broke me junior year important year school wasted wallowing self pity know get rejected never forgive myself im frustrated want achieve goals badly time feel like motivation everything seems meaningless feel mediocre inadequate compared amazing kids grade used think fairly smart  act capable everything crumbling around know do spend time ignoring friends care sleeping locked away room exercised month feel disgusting might attempt soon im scared fail parents find bloody messy ill spend whole summer hospital think could go second time sorry post place need get thoughts out