no matter how hard i try i just seem to be a background character to everyone else for year i have tried to be a better person socialize more be extroverted dress nicely workout try to be friendlier love yourself yada yada yada it s all bullshit lie i told myself delusion that i thought would make me be noticed and at least somewhat respected but in the end it seems like i don t even exist it s absolutely soul crushing i feel like most people just look right through me a if i were a ghost the shadow of what once wa a person i ve never had anyone i could truly call a friend just recently my best friend told me that i wasn t even his best friend that there wa someone else that he see a his true best friend i m not angry at him just dissapointed at the circumstance i m just another shoulder to cry on for every person i talk to i ve never had a girlfriend no one ever really loved me that sting the most i constantly hear story about people and their experience with love yet here i am at 0 year old never even having kissed anyone at my age my brother already had several girlfriend so did all the other people at my age that i know i feel like a fucking clown i really am le than human i ve always been the laughingstock of the fucking world never been respected always ignored i m depressed and suicidal but most of all i m angry if people don t want to see me i will fucking force them to see me they ll have no other choice but to see me one way or another