felt ecstasy feari tried out sort of way want go quit could anything harmful  want found goes plan ill try hours know want work im pretty sure do maybe ill choice taken away me know started feel immense pressure windpipe scared scared situations knew could easily get out tester all split second  gloriously ecstatic going free cant stop coughing still feels like theres pressure throat also feel relief long anymore feel like ive stabbed heart every time hes somebody else deal terrible obsessive personality mine anymore deal intense longing desire love never be deal intense sessions highs lows  fine week writing notes next even notes time want go least hell attend funeral hope im  rollercoaster started  started him know ever going stop cant forever much im done