everything life gone shit reasons im still catsim  grew emotionally verbally occasionally physically abusive home dad became alcoholic result abuse mom became unwilling referee parental therapist preteen eventual side punching bag teen mom tried kill times   after also kidnapped child dad fight spent adolescence waiting chance get out cps came twice nothing ever helped got dream school everything senior got ripped away too mom refused sign loans  could get without cosigner went escape divorced became physical punching bag mom cut hair prevent grabbing it dad got worse tried kill times failed reason another got d mom proceeded use threat could send behave stayed dad that cut off still depressed fuck though person could talk grandma one night talked aunt whos racist hates me happened also there took phone screamed me told never call grandma again told stop making shit family stop talking redflag elder grandma could handle it used feel way  could talk it fast forward little bit dad just finally patched relationship things looked better suddenly died drinking problem go back mom relative option mom immediately took me became terrified even wake up tried smother death tried choke aux cord tried shove stairs tried push moving vehicle etc yet every time blamed me worst year life thought least grandma depressed too losing son abused daughter the racist aunt trying help always got covered somehow exactly one year later grandma suddenly died left half estate protect myself wanted move live near her person left wanted help me aunt the one before got hissy fact mom closer ever were lawyered up refused give key refused give items grandma specifically wanted because proof informed sale well happened state also kept going mom idiotic  parents divorced adult asked it dodged wrote letter never contacted months get attorney that cant afford tbh weve back forth since threatening file taxes name without permission without ssn irs comes me fucking recipe cards desk always think wanting end it end pain end inevitable suffering always comes cant cant leave cats refuse rehome word hurts even type see could thing family ones me anytime cry sit purr lick face one legit meows talk keeps meowing till im done snuggles literally closest ones keep going wish could something like find new place live cant mom recently made credit cards name maxed out told id understand position im in anyone asks says help build credit im sure somewhat true intends sign name cosigner property wants buy ive ever means end want out want die want place cats safe sound feel like ill never get out im afraid wish everytime get something worse