suicidal thoughts back feel like getting worse tried hope tried therapy three help fourth tried made feel worse ed gets worse ocd too probably bpd too gotten point believe living everyone happiness exist atleast me boyfriend shitty job it parents struggling financially worrying making waste money therapy time going things differently going jump backing out telling anyone cannot stop even try written two three letters already know tell boyfriend really want end me know make sure try get better atleast strong stay planned outfit know going spend last days people happy memories going bake cake them last cake ik one thing would remember by strong enough everything happened life broken point unfixable sorry this happening thoughts back