tell dadive feeling worse every day pretending parents everything fine taken toll me sleep time force wake sleep  hours get less  hours whole body feels awful fantasize throwing traffic jumping buildings hate life hate fact hard time forming relationships anyone relationship family siblings friends close hate one go to feel like dont home feel like ive tried wont let get close anyone ive joined clubs sorority volunteer places feels like form group im part of family life sucks too mom alcoholic extremely delusional dad another country honest one closest family however never around life know everyone given fair circumstance hate cant even feel independent feel trapped home time area live public transportation walking takes hours make plans someone pick take home want go shopping ask someone want go grocery store ask someone asked father car get one old happy it let mother drive totaled it i car  months destroyed brother speculated mother crashed purposely would force father buy brand new car believable delusions father rich secret family much story dont want long im currently university financial aid feel like taking time off however problem would pay financial aid given well loans  know family afford pay back im really happy here  also seen psychologist psychiatrist  months dont feel much better