cant stop lonelinessmy whole life feeling lonely on always felt like everyone liked me friends always kept contact with times feelings subsided others comes back full force mostly constant feeling feel like never loved always wanted big group friends stuff time other always planning events other see time people me guess couple years ago slowly subsided feel like friends always make initiative didnt would never keep contact me sure though amongst friends always invited inviting others forgetting me often get jealous people especially hispanics see friends family time parents probably take initiative see multiple times week mom doesnt take initiative me dont know unliked life  years old white male living bay area married child way feel like ending terrible fear loneliness want loved dont want die alone would rather end feel like later life want feel loved big family bunch close friends care me