i don t know if this is the right place but i just want to get this out of my system somewhere and a journal won t do if it doesn t belong here please delete my girlfriend and i are in an open relationship we both agreed on it and i never had any problem with it but after year of trying i have had zero success while my girlfriend can basically choose and it hurt it hurt seeing her choose other guy over me it hurt knowing she d rather spend time with them than with me what hurt the most is seeing her being happy listening to her talking about how exciting it is how much self esteem she gained from it and thus knowing that if i ever tell her that it hurt me i ll make her sad and i don t want to make her feel said even if it mean cry myself to sleep while she is having fun with our friend it s not her issue though she is always asking beore and afterwards if it is okey checking in on me and she would stop this instant if i would tell her about any of this but i know it would still hurt and limit her losing this part of her life and i can t and don t want to do that because i know that if i loose her my life would get miserable i d most likely stay the rest of my life alone and die alone i d lose almost everything positive in my life and i d rather die than having to live 0 miserable year alone thanks for putting up with my ridiculous and self inflicted shit and just remove it if it doesn t belog here