nothing helps staying alive inviting abusei love brothers love friends dont want hurt them mother doesnt love ive lost family speaking fathers abuse ive sexually assaulted times want count including really violent rape never stop affecting me dont think im capable relationship sex point also know twentytwo stay alive happen again ive put year long waiting list therapy ptsd say discharge flashbacks one event already am suppose im supposed lie two years ago diagnosed life changing condition put drugs degrade emotional health cognitive functioning stop taking them might well die anyway dont want live dont want hurt anyone dont want burden people love know things likely get easier cant ask help anymore know wont solve anything ill feel guilty opening up dont remember like fight suicidal plans time ive tried everything