looking anything pointhi all know guys dont feel like reading book ill try keep short sweet ive awful anxiety depression since teen ive tried hard last decade dig hole ive learned socialize made lots friends working graduating college year despite best endeavors none ever brought fulfillment life despite great friends who know love me still always feel like outcast  years ago one brief glimmer hope fell love spent truly happy year life selfdestructive behavior pushed away fast forward now havent seen her yet alone spoke months although try wake every day move life feel grip loosening  questioning even want live anymore nothing makes happy pain ive felt since child amplified x shown glimmer hope live fact ruined it anyone advice im open hear it doubt help much though always cycle misery end leaving world least ill die knowing really try get better im running strength