im scared myselfive dealing suicidal thoughts years last year would think would get away redflag death someone knew redflag deterred actually anything year thoughts getting worse redflag mind almost everyday past month ive told friend it think knows deal it especially since friends family think im cheery girl always laughing something hurts try put mask even try act way front friend mentioned ive ignoring past weeks becuase im scared hell dissapointed im better im happier confessed surprised learn thoughts noticed change behavior done much except get another friend check me point mind confused make do ive irregular emotions actions lately sometimes slip mindset kill becuase one care scares me really want someone talk