over the last year my life ha completely fallen apart i grew up happy a ever with a very well off family a brother i got along with friend i hung out with all the time then my baby sister died out of nowhere shortly after my parent said they were getting a divorce after having a loving caring family my entire life in the span of just a month everything flipped upside down i don t have a family outside of my mother and baby brother anymore and my mother ha robbed the house of peace by becoming fixated on an emotionally abusive boyfriend my entire life wa destroyed and it s only gotten worse year into the divorce my best friend died all of my other friend and friend group i wa in slowly just forgot about me due to depression and anxiety from everything i had going on making me become incredibly introverted and just not fun to be around anymore he wa the only person i had that i could talk to besides my girlfriend who i put through hell because of how much i hated myself and my situation and now he wa gone shortly after his death her and i broke up and i deserved it i wasn t abusive but i wasn t a good boyfriend i never wanted to go anywhere or do anything i stopped wanting sex and intimacy because i didn t think i deserved those thing the divorce ha only gotten worse over the year and after year of stress and anxiety being a constant my health ha now started to decline i ve lost my toned body i ve lost my nice smile i ve lost my sense of fashion i ve given up entirely on trying to form new relationship or make new friend because i know that i just don t have what it take to foster deep relationship anymore i ve seen a therapist about this and she said she belief it s because of my family and my best friend and that now my brain correlate love with loss which prevents me from getting attached to people or make me act in way to push others away before they can get attached to me with my health issue getting worse due to the constant stress i m now out of work on medical leave i sit in my room every day just watching youtube not talking to a single soul and no one talking to me i truly believe that my life ha reached a point where it just isn t worth living anymore besides my mother and baby brother i don t believe there is a single person that would even notice especially if i made it look like an accident with all the free time i now have i ve been reading a lot about spirituality and i ve stumbled across the plausibility of reincarnation the idea of death being the entry to a new life with life being a series of goal to fulfill a purpose from each life to the next it s been very difficult for me to try and think of any purpose my life ha at this point i m debilitatingly lonely i ve stopped caring about anything i ve become very cynical and i m letting thing that should be important to a person just waste away like just ceasing to pay my car bill because i no longer care if it get repossessed the idea of even the possibility of being able to start again since truly no one ha any idea what happens when you die is more appealing to me than continuing to live i m now and my life is going absolutely nowhere and i don t know what else to do i have no support system i have no one but myself and i hate myself more than anyone else the worst kind of lonely is when you aren t even there for yourself and that s where i m at now i ve always thought of myself a a great person i consistently go out of my way to help others even now if someone reach out to me for something i don t hesitate but i just can t get anyone to stick around not even my own father give a shit about me anymore i used to think the world wa just fucked up and bad thing happen to good people but it s becoming more and more evident a i witness the relationship other people have the family other people have the friend other people have that that theory just doesn t add up the more likely possibility is that i myself am the issue i m the problem and i ve come to that realization now the idea that death might not be the end but a new beginning is very appealing to me like to think ha anyone else thought about these concept ha anyone else found themselves in a similar situation and thought about what come after death and whether it s worth it just curious and looking for some input thank you