bad thoughtsi struggled suicidal ideation now got better time im back now started new job january worst jobs times makes feel like im incapable keeping one got part time one dog shelter dogs cats animals make really happy somehow gives feeling safety wont let hang dogs anything dog related lot experience rescue world drive two hours round trip get get paid shit accepted supposed animal care instead paperwork filing stupid things like that could close home getting paid more point job again leave yet another job nothing feel fulfilling everything feels pointless married amazing husband think much hold down dog cat much attached me another dog equation wanted get service dog found unless willing write check  take  years thought training own husband uncomfortable getting another dog afraid training wont work out day every day think hell here point feel like shit time dont bandwidth one thing makes happy cant financially afford it many times every day thought even here quit this one side dont want to another feel like dont know long ill put energy fight back dont want tell doctor put back psych hospital husband told would step far would break us apart dont know keep gathering energy good wife wish could bed day every day sometimes wish would physically sick enough that many people wish chance go live wish could switch places them