way outeverything screws kids over brought screws over leaving screws over dying screws over wish could hand life someone else wipe memories kids husband mother put new woman let take over better thought ok right now anxiety pmdd acting im struggling bit knew hormonal pass took kids morning engagements spent afternoon playing river enjoying early spring weather husband randomly picked documentary mother young child trying kill felt like throat closing over feel envious think methods try justify it try think theyll better long run wont kids adore me fight yell sometimes go far purposely mean think honestly think im wonderful cuddle kiss tell love much mama love moon theyd destroyed want mummy want mummy ive held whole lives awful pressure wish here want medicated ive hated cant deal again buckle push ill manage fuck wish could replace me go somewhere die somehow hurt anyone done