got medical condition birth defect almost untreatable live one functioning kidney however kidney getting worse years severe redflag depression see future myself living occupy someone boredom loneliness today life span cut  years average kidney could overload taking load one kidney keep mind high blood pressure redflag kidneys itself eventually could kill myself struggle make friends slowly surely trying reunite old friends tampered decided push away thought would help me instead left massive debt loneliness sure get job probably pay back parents spent bit million birth practically save me take care true friend someone love deeply enough supply happy life not sure would like enjoy life knowing end near person loves attention idea love general would love wife kids one day horrified thought would happen left anyways thanks reading another rant good daynight take care dying away