aloneive dealt suicidal thoughts depression whole life depressed state ive fucked life up im failing school im thirties wife sure wants stay me confided ive dealt depression years thought making way excusing actions wanted support im taking steps think take  ive started therapy ive working hard atwell working hard im trying everything man see future with im afraid matter enough cant sleep night cant eat stomach attacks me thing look forward life moment hope wife one day trust again like ive said ive dealt suicidal thoughts whole life theyve never strong theyve last days sometimes guts swallow handful pills done life short term people may sad may better long run