update failed morei finally able talk girlfriends parents conversation ready stick knife chest feels like thousand years passed since death especially since gotten hours sleep since then finally spoke parents disgusted want see ever again also tagged responsible saying worthless save her knew right knew thrown way died knew failed chance good human moment even care anything anymore literally nobody turn to cant stand sight people anymore always somewhat misanthrope perversion humans supposed be people smile laugh feel sick self harmed felt physical pain seen strife others smiled inwardly know typing all probably going end stain civilization  hours goodbye hopeful sw community society miss me