today realized im probably going actually commit redflag sometime lifeit may today tomorrow even  years now honestly think theres  chance way end dying killing myself ive struggled depression since  ive making significant progress therapy happiest ive ever been somehow keep ensing depressed coming back thoughts fear elderly alone divorced kids many friends im afraid living old folks home forgotten about today realized pretty much already forgotten about moved across country couple years ago none family friends ever call me mom never calls sister call time best friwnd messages complain life never asks im whats going me im always one calling them simply talk like fear alone come true difference im younger able take care still amazing boyfriend lately keep screwing shit doubt left soon too ya may today tomorrow might even   years now unless accident sort probably die