believe it want pull trigger cant deal knowing unknown ahead time fucked  lolive reading posts forum past weeks breaks heart time get weird feeling comfort knowing one wants commit redflag planning redflag quite based many different events happened life feel really want go it bought gun new sig mm legion guess want go style also want make sure bullet maximum destruction ive read enough human anatomy base brain know want aim gun practiced putting gun mouth pulling trigger however cant get brain accept real bullet condition able pull trigger think im afraid happens next tell next basically nothingness exist anymore thought seems illogical cant comprehend nonexistence anyone else problems way getting past instinctive need survive thanks readinglistening