going medsi feel exactly taking every day three months before still wake middle night sobbing panicking wakes boyfriend gets angry works early morning think ive wanted die much today since last time oded therapist officially dodging  weeks ive gotten drunk andor high every night last two weeks come shit again even get hungover anymore im numbing point weeks ago mom told shed rather dead failure im never going good enough her boyfriend told today hes going town th th visit friend birthday th think im going commit birthday like originally planned months ago friends mom told hardest days sisters birth date death date itll easier brothers day itll birthday present guess im supposed work morning think ill call im fucking miserable cant move bed right now