whats wrong wanting permanent solution temporary problemin case temporary ive struggling suicidal thoughts five years already loving parents im attending medical school according standards ive hit lottery life well ill completely honest tell feel like drew short end stick everyday feel like failure feel miserable surrounded people dislike tired living perpetual state anxiety panic cramming head hundreds pages information weekly basis probably life do something enjoy people even understand depression makes unable enjoy things used enjoy then take time school drop medical school altogether already tried taking time away academia worst two years life believe me drop medical school default neet lots money wouldve dropped already parents need grow old stable jobs need become successful member society make proud pay back bullshit theyve went raise me time wish could switch brain stop worry  things time im solidified mass depression anxiety panic regret stress