feel like ever able escape thishi im mess ive always mess really became mess long time ago mother literally abandoned us came back reason bit left forever absolutely contact mother like people mother recently partner im suspecting narcissist discarded horrible state depression little month ago still feel horrible cant bring go nc even worse struggle ocd ocd narcissistic abuse mix well obsess narcissist myself caused this horrible person obsess people love hating me think much anybody ever loved loves now friends one talk deals issues want add theirs friends busy stuff theyve helped lot feel good enough anybody guess also mention father think going downward spiral ever since mother left ive forced endure feel much family really evil narcissist it feel hindered much feel trapped here time ive brought mental health downplayed father also busy working feel connected father really know anything me anytime ive tried open up seems dismiss me want escape cant know im going fail senior year im  never job car much way social skills either feel like creep people out ill forced stay home never able succeed life escape go college pursue want do even think id good enough it feel like piece shit horrible person someone here feel like everybody agree me probably sound like egotistical bag shit cant even fully convey feel here cant even kill means to far know maybe im overreacting im sorry everyone everything