see pointill try keep short possible wanna bore anyone ive demons do matter do theyll never go away suicidal since  think theres point living anymore bad many here feel hopeless anyway plot points interest you bullied nd grade til st year high school catholic boys school bullying bad made resent catholicism like trigger word find anyone catholic immediately trust them sorry catholic offends thats much bullying rewired brain found god became bornagain enough think anything enough demons always here found refuge woman loved never loved back now started reeking desperation sought love wrong places im convinced one accept anyone ill never good enough anyone good enough friend best friend close yet cigar currently graduated college radio dj keep getting shit mother tells real job verbal attacks starting hurt know else keep living ive never lived always felt necessity live them simply exist want need to think best way describe situation the world expects much someone never wanted anyway lacking live lacking courage die wrote case end all theres big fucking clue right post thank you