maybe is a defense mechanism idk but a few week ago i really tried all the fake it until you make it schtick for a few day it wa fine and people at work were impressed however soon i started to make mistake and i went overboard because now everyone is pointing out my flaw i wa a cry mess and i felt super weak and exposed today i reversed back to my usual you are worthless you really thought you could achieve something mental mantra and somehow i feel better it is like it feel better if i am the one saying it and not the others i feel so effed up for being relieved a i am now i really thought i wa getting better and believing in myself for a change but i guess i am not just built that way