first all english main language try write best cani suicidal thoughts since  probably never told anyone know make bullshit like allow alone things like thati psychology treatment year half never told psychologist every day want diebecause tell know professional obligation tell momi also told girlfriend want commit suicide would make panic know is would try call everyone tell want diewhy selfish cannot understand fact willing continue living would tell them going pain asssorry make much sense trying to know write even want help