fucking stupid statement is wanting forgotten feel want feel wanted gives redflag try want me try talk relate touch me hurts feel warmth long caged pain tormented said pain know gets better eventually finagled internal prison gained control whatever animal thing locked their happy them me watch suffered watch mother hold knife throat still remember looked finished sat staring nothingness eyes bleak yellow walls looked empty pull it would bleed floor husband son watched happen taken away next day someone got rid knife using still feel graininess wood handle still feel serrated edges neck try understand fuck happened wish would pulled trigger  wish wish could go back day pull trigger wish could go want always loved idea dying violently something crashing freeway divider going  mph fastest car goes well fastest went going way committed plan monday never set exact date know soon thursday totaled car driving street lamp oops cannot even fucking die want wish wish could take pain anger away die it forgotten one remember go through read stories fantasize get happiness serenity deserve know right speak others truly feel calm mind us want mean sub exist would die happy knowing could take grave id release pain ones want now could wanted earlier sorry seems ungrateful people actually alone everyday feeling dread fills stomach gets darker darker lately hill battle becoming hill stroll void fucking stupid i want forgotten anyone wants video chat call text like go long walks id love hear you want forgotten