im  year old loserim  reason completely unable hold job  heres story every since sister moved back home town   time  ive nieces babysitter  hours used babysit went work college adhd completely unable focus anything school little complicated  sister moved back hometown well nephews babysitter eventually moved sister babysat everyday fun friend lived road babysat would go hangout mind  still job ive ever kept babysitting turned  started looking jobs id stay places  months quit well  getting paycheck  bucks fucking stupid went back school finished highschool  went work shop worked  months am pm eventually getting fired working fast enough ended working rd shift meijers moved sisters friends trailer park quit meijers  months  months later still jobless getting kicked trailer park slept park harsh winter burning stuff keep warm week two later mom found let move first  months want get job getting completely absorbed anime staying till am watch read manga took temp jobs summer started quit one first day probably hundred degrees ended getting angry messing bad manager kept coming telling much money costing got fed left took another coffee factory work took another temp job factory actually kinda liked even though repetitive kinda boring liked got listen music temp service pay whole  months asked yelled eventually quit took another temp job quit  days kinda boring got yet another liked assignment ended leave took job painter like month something ended took job one moms friends ended ended getting job really cool factory people area refused train would throw bus constantly laught call idiot something right cousin also worked get trained area moved around areas bit ended back mine time got orders months early ended month co workers super happy ridicule began  months finally got fed oh time trying get aparment friend quit everything got put hold eventually took two jobs speedway sams club  weeks quit speedway cause sams better hours pay  months later quit sams cause cut hours  hours week took temp job step dads ship stay month two extremely boring kinda soul crushing jobless two months feeling like real piece shit buddy money saved appartment added since last job know whats wrong love work hated am till  repetitive boring bullshit wish could suck stay place tell need year  experience move different shop something seems piss make wanna place anymore guess maybe sometimes look people place years still get shitty pay get scarred get fuck outta soon possible anyway lately ive really depressed suicidal thoughts mind alot usual find looking around items around house could quickly mostly spend time inside head fantasize way wish life like gf trying cook dinner watching stupid shows netflix someone laugh smile joking around stupid settling someone come home lately feel like soul screaming someone let like itd happier makes sense cant really describe feeling know really smile anymore wanna sleep dream day fun anymore even hanging friends space dream used love driving around aimlessly listening new music anymore usually dream fantasy life lately putting gun head emptiness inside cant filled ive drinking keys taken away weekend openly talked crashing car tree kinda dont want live anymore already guess