probably going dead hours goes dear anyone even bothers read this break everything touch broke family broke friends broke friends families broke life break everyone around me everything problem involved ever make things better even know exist technically supposed born exist make life worse exist punching bag whoever wants hurt someone scapegoat every bad thing every day new problem life sick pretending getting better not amount exercise meditation whatever fix me mistake punished done many unspeakable things short life get deserve guess really hope people pity sob story truly evil sight disgusts me know people miss gone first know much hurt really spend time crying  foot under people get it see anyone crying granddad died died  years ago assume  years time people forget gone please look mum grandma tell fault knowing them blame themselves tell ok now pain more tell love them hurt many people past truly sorry every single person strangers worst enemies feel though need make amends die everyone know now sorry meet way sorry everything please get better me please live life would wanted live make proud watch you remember me remember name remember storylove jadeaster final goodbye hopefully