or having a good day like aren t you supposed to be depressed if you keep acting like this nobody will believe you that kind of mentality i take hard class i take the max number of credit i can because if i m not working i m wasting time i don t study for shit i get good grade surely this must mean i m decently smart but i fucking hate that my grade don t drop noticeably because i wish someone would notice or just care or something but i clearly can t stand feeling like a failure more and it doesn t make sense because i feel like a failure all the time why not one more it extends to stupider shit too like being in a good mood laughing stuff i m not happy but it s like the reflex is still there and i m so good at hiding it i don t know what i m like when i m actually happy but i m guessing better le angry awkward and doe this mean people like that version of me better or do they just think this is me normal fuck me i wouldn t ever go up to someone and ask for help i couldn t do it but it would just be nice to have someone be concerned for me naturally without me asking