hey thanks reading m europe diagnosed major depressive disorder ocd redflag last year also spent time psychiatric ward ssris benzodiazapenes depression series traumatic embarrassments mistakes mostly caused myself never really good decision maker even though read ton selfimprovement books whatnot real hard time remembering things learned often act emotionimpulse make everything even worse rejected girl infatuated behaving cringey found embarrassing stuff me left open vulnerable people deserve sense hurtsi high school drop biggest passion pursue music career rap however also thinking finishing last year school go college mostly want plan b able make money rap also think would help depression depression actual thing keeps stuff love keeping stuck past feeling intense redflag afraid people think me never problem now possible reach happiness become athletic quickwitted confident happy guy things went south life also want dedicate time gym amp writing lyrics lack motivation so pull dark amp scary rock bottom fulfill dreams hate wasting life time cannot shut depression peace  years old depressed regain confidence amp happiness become successful life