feel dangerously alonei dunno deserve constantly beat thinking im bad person maybe xyz different people would like me id friends likely case still believe thoroughly friends almost identical pasts thought patterns behavioral patterns hot talented etc get away flaws cannot current friend group operates wholly conditionally things like get attention slip up get boot convinced one friends clinical narcissist needs help id never dare say it cant even say hes hurt feelings flipping without punished feel dangerously alone moved away home  friends family near me friends hold bc feel like family shit  idk do ill text apologize think ive done something wrong theyll either ignore use me even know anymore took  shots alone monday night hands numb nobody dont even real job risked leaving grandma mom sister k miles away career doesnt exist friends gaslight cry dont even give time day theyll give friends time day me never felt lifted inspired one them clear dont want me im dangerously alone amount self care save career theyre gonna keep trying ruin slander ive ever done defend