want end alli cant take suffering anymore cant take sleepless nights constant brain fog irritated  feeling fucking hopeless despite best efforts years dont see point staying alive two reasons im still cat fact im afraid kill yet dont give shit anything anymore ive ruined life years ago tried time time something failed miserably friends nobody talk to even mood get better day week always fucking thing right back suicidal thoughts upon waking up cant sleep multiple time day motivation energy hope nothing fucking interest anymore im numb everything way years keeping suffering would worth  cant stand 