soul mateim  years old nearing  ive praying death year now always felt like never good enough older brother always better everything parents seemed love always felt like dissapointment got uni met girl fell madly love get insanely well would anything her person makes feel like normal person im away feels like theres nothing left me completes makes feel whole boyfriend really nice guy would get really well way treats makes despise him always late everything unorganized past laughable asked go meal old friends ex recently got engaged girl love want go persisted agreed blew friends go him tells her long shift work go something get known weeks understandably angry went home got pjs meal family finished phoned told meal asked was phone comforting her upset angry said would see evening turned turned  hours later said would said apologise would take breakfast late too still forgave him also took girl wanted sleep before see girl loves favourite play theatre understandably upset this somehow convinced unreasonable im always one comfort boyfriend whatever wants everything im left nothing ive desire death met girl found felt human since ive comforted boyfriend many times desire death never greater reason write now help found felt incredibly sad promised would stay around long needed boyfriend visiting since arrived barely says word feel use finally run out stuck girl described worst year life often referred rock always tried hardest make happy put smile face boyfriend long distance relationship btw tried make situation people made feel awful better made worse often forgets consider hard tried last year her continually mentions boyfriend perfect glandular fever thats hard says looked grim glandular fever saw pictures still looked beautiful glorifies everything feel like im becoming worth less less seem need anymore feel getting closer closer redflag even boss work realised something up know do want end