earl grey anhedoniabitter tannin sticking tongue palate astringent mouthdrying bergamot earthy sharp flavour gone waste aroma longer dreamy rather harsh making feel nauseous subconsciously choke back gagging feel get lost nothingness put teaspoon honey glistening like amber watch dissolve sound hefty metal clacking pierces ears saccharine golden strings slowly disappearing rich hazel pool bitterness every little touch fragile porcelain numbs hearing set spoon aside drown bittersweet chaotic fantasies loathe it sometimes allow indulge truly wonderful taste earl grey light stove admire pretty flames put kettle lose sight them water boiling put teabag cup contemplate whether put hand piping hot bubbling tasteless liquid daydream pain wounds attention sound pouring water dulcet sizzling steam theyre pleasantly distracting admire rich brown colour slowly creeping tea leaves waiting exactly three minutes pass taking out second longer sweeteners milk distinct smell taste black tea particular robust flavour burning sensation numb tongue matter seconds rest cup feels like nothing tastes grey angers me come get short overwhelming moments extreme emotion end blink eye washed apathy violent urges selfdestructive behaviours hold thin porcelain handle painted pretty swirls gripping tightly suppressing desire throw wall see shatter innumerable shards getting scattered floor making shrill deafening noise collecting broken bits sounds like hassle however imagining razorsharp solid slicing arm open sound bad one vertical swipe takes instead spill tea sink leave cup aside feel nothing harmonic lack equity feels unfair yet justified painfully repetitive everything seems distant foreign whats do sometimes want poison someone someone dear put effort attention making drink best be euphoric floral flavour lethal aftertaste creating masterpiece consume adore last second last sip times want mix something quickly make existence come end bothering people sounds like waltz end injuring me two steps third one breaks legs point death feels like home confusing grey mayhem ive gotten used to bother im way home