trying find lightive realized simply looking place die quite got courage yet pull shotgunhowever think im getting close ive contemplated slitting wrists ive attempted even cant cut deep enough ive gone days without food water eventually cave mostly due alcohol place die courage determination so wantneed life over thingreason kept going past daughter morenot me know is looks like even remembers me pain past ex excruciating struggle find hope struggle find anything really puppet still puppet form true lovethat never truly loved way loved him