look forward dying im ready end it ive tried reaching help ive tried improving life attempting go back school ive made way north carolina washington state looking job would allow pay bills let set little aside rainy day past  years ive talking therapists drugged attempt force accept life is im tired way things always turn out im tired starting hit road blocks again im tired talking about venting help need solution viable solution killing myself ive toying idea  years now friday really hit hard one able help me tried reaching online real solutions seems like people approach problems like would  years ago started expect anything different really ive fucked bad advancement life life everyone even way fix everything im point would way saving enough could retire one day anything serious happened afford fix it teenagers much resources disposal cant even afford get vision fixed left eye things better  normal would want stay life since even basic things hard get think im going end tonight want compete anymore im happy kill end right now least theres kind control me