sure go thisi remember thoughts always felt like struggle like them mean either hating telling shut fuck hating myself rolled pillow tried make stop sure sleeping know going on confused shit night carried morning hear back friends tried getting back ex fearing id made biggest mistake thought could handle leaving him made decision think thought people really needed them didnt needed ex back started questioning everything again felt like mistakes around felt really stupid still dont know believe need ex need friend james could talk james would begging ex break ex thought could james ever even make clear headed decision thought thinking rationally decided break him maybe wasnt mistakes around mistakes around know believe anymore people cant trust cant trust people makes pretty hard get day sometimes think im losing mind help ill find time times think ive already lost it want someone fix want die guess simple mind helping myself ive done lot help myself look like really got anywhere need someone take let turn around ive done many right things im going therapy working stuff own therapy helped anxiety think helping redflag stuff helping knowing believe feel like anxiety one smaller manifestations whats really going on no really know whats going feels bad im afraid ever okay could find someone cares enough make sure im okay maybe id feel better safer least right idea whats going happen feel like im going make it feel like matters probably reality doesnt guess could matter better person stands right now really matter know guess think itd easier died would be everyone talk to guess think think im going get better im always going need someone talk to find people get tired me feel bad it time desperately need them stop talking me find new people think handle helping eventually wear out sometimes im caught feeling bad one care every one times worse whats going happen eventually know bother anything all guess im slightly hopeful come together one day ill better ill good ill find need both one two things happen going really hard every time things feel bad gets harder harder believe either one things happen