new sub first time posting think anyone really wants read  paragraphs life wanted make simple could anyone feeling empathetic today edit fact  paragraphs female entering mid twenties feel like mess somehow put together well put together mess willim going would light past briefly canredflag child witnessing medical problems father lots blood etc also diagnosed redflag disorder medicated redflag abused drugs throughout teen years landed rehab due  cocaine overdoses age  diagnosed redflag depressiondeveloped panic disorder rehabmedicated redflag zero meds rehab help all mid s loosely diagnosed add medicated stimulant never abused helped ton dad died two years ago close haunts daily outbursts ill cry alone car alone apartment live boyfriend guess trying find comfort feel like fixing me young much happened nothing works feel like add diagnosis correct yet one medication worked eating disorder entire life abused cocaine understand doctors looking issue trying treatment it aside life good financially stable loving boyfriend dog pay bills etc constantly feel like hell either angry want cry reason alli cannot hold job life unless bartending get drink no abuse alcohol  drinks night lot understand customer serviceinsurance broker type job hours  daily even much handle granted people screaming constantly sure depression terrible ungrateful human find beauty things life feel terrible often thank reading support appreciated not short sweet