literally zero friends family really care alive deadim going lot right now tried level best escape situation failed used work restaurant lockdown able earn enough pay food bills rent lost job covid right im hopeless sorry poor english tried learning new employble skills finished full stack web developer course udemy angela yu basic entry level laptop help build beautiful websites e commerce store webapps downloaded course torrent money buy legally finishing course created account fiverr hope paid work get gigs right know do think myself redflag becomes attractive option want die really cant afford live like stray dog im coward cant afford hang ceiling fan want end suffering know