try get someone understand felt bad enough wanted commit redflag potentially hurt take seriouslyyears ago terrible time life made halfass attempt commit redflag know people say halfass attempts disagree kind hard die home household items without suffering extended periods time people want experience long painful death household item want stop hurting really want talk did want communicate really want die enough try it tried bring spouse telling depressed want live problems brushes like saying fuck it tried commit redflag among things turned fucking lives completely upside down think aspergers want get help badly shitty truth see reasonable way address problem already tried hardest besides talking actual professional getting diagnosed cant live own cant leave problems behind dammit want someone acknowledge hurt badly tell understand okay give shit even though probably essentially mentally handicapped husband least give goddamn fucking hug no ten years ago life took tortuous unexpected turn twisted fucked turn twisted fucked turn that trying hard hell deal keep going why even know guess optimist heart even though cynical struggling make best situation things problems keep hurting much ive tried tell spouse want help aspergers tried get help get help doesnt know myself cant even pick phone talk family love much talked years even though think every day want tell wanted die hoped would die things hope actually would longer person life brushes like saying make feel bad no saying feel really fucking bad communicate that know even possible damn fucking problems need help problems go away trying hoping would pass years years longer suicidal try hard think realize way die terribly prolonged likely work mean probably best prevention redflag fact really incredibly easy tries kill turns world upside gets kinds support medical care it wished dead prolonged period silently things hoped would make die tried tell wanted die told things hopes know scoff brush off guess war redflag attempt justified know want communicate felt badly really wish could understand sometimes still feel badly want understand feel badly feelings real well cant figure it sure war got everything came back top problems causes addition fucked relationship try understand respect problems feel like ever real respect mine nothing feel like express much things hurt still even though things much better superficially feel like could get help somehow least feel helpless worst thing everything life wish like people age see taking care dealing life normal life problems instead feel like housepet people could without take care anyways simply living would feel bad didnt keep trying leave issues behind adult way possible working try ask help makes feel like burden child last thing want look forwards rest life like this almost feel like actually likes feel like shit say something make victim feeling horrible somehow stopped talking every friend want talk life them eventually gets old realize person one always talks problems tried stop problems still here escalate epic proportions less frequently going grow old die horrible stupid problems one else seems probably fucking aspergers or whatever fuck wrong me take care themselves