depressed several years ago thought ok seems come backlong story short fucked youth scarred pretty badly got shit together thought right track this  years ago however lately past  months so feeling horrible back point suicidal thoughts cannot talk people problems matter hard try tried several psychiatrists etc hate job get recognition anything do hours exhausting see change future applied several jobs reply qualified finance wise stuff going shitter well surprise costs makes savings like bucket hole it last  euros moment luckily girlfriend but stupid know wrong dick towards her means well frustrations get irritated work her relationship tense weird thoughts dumping click anymore crying im alone thought leave sooner later nobody friends only drinking buddies family non existing due problemsissues first sentence feel lonely lot even though like alone really know going post apologies possible mistakes english first language sort weird back phase killing scare calms sort way knowing could end miserybe peace one little act