hopes up crushed epicallyive suffering depression long remember stopped taking meds two months ago make feel keep mind good place begin with already inches swallowing  bottles pills have weeks ago encouraged apply promotion work interviewed really well according interviewer asked later on even acting supervisor days supervisors available told supervisors  sure means got it get work today check email find complete utter denial explanation nobody else applied position tonight taking pills ive saved up im worthless im  worthless deserve live nobody severe ptsd raped military twice got months later given hiv  yr old male btw want keep living maybe ill swallow pills maybe ill jump front train maybe ill even bleed out ten years left live anyways nobody would care