feel like never belonged anywhere people accept surface always obligation reality tell people find weird time judge me told abnormali know brightest person pretty damn stupid survive competitive world also fucking depressed dumb taken advantage  people  yars sex really depressed suicidal family life mess fucking ashamed never forgive think deserve iti sexually abused kid brother parents knew nothing it mediator parents listening ear argued threw stuff around house threatened kill us all opened bottled anger  years ago simply told move keep quiet voice up affect brothers future since let go anger towards entire family love deeplyi friends always one people feel sorry shiti worked ass off got good job despite crippling depression suicide attempts shit grades saved lot money really selfsufficient relying anyone financially exercise everyday still deemed stupid weird enough still suicidal depressed finding wanting od whim still odd one out still dissociate much often without realising still disadvantaged game lifebut still feel worthless fucking tired done really want fucking kill myself want break parents heart done sorry wish born life tiring done fighting zero energy fight longer get fighting hard find constantly disadvantaged burned depressed suicidal life sucks want appear whiny done going attempt soon start self harm cannot wait slice arm vertically bit least try fucking lover fuck shit