tried everything could think of even came close still failed againever since turned  legal rights change situation tried everything despite anxiety get situation im  currently live one baltic states losing hope thing left probably death friends removed life kept asking help got angry kept telling know help removed all care money fame transgender unable get therapy currently at attempted redflag several times already recently ive done will cant sleep night always sick ive issues body cant afford get checked body feels like living hell sometime mind jail cell ever since parents divorced argued every single night getting worse never almost friends weird kid honestly deserved awful pissed self afraid go bathroom bit toenails nasty stuff know anymore tried escape america get therapy meet friends would helped me visa wrong notice late flight failed left here life ruined wasted almost money spare that mother debt im completely ideas willing escape country europe forced sterilization transgender people im willing work want help mother sister stable want good person help everyone want see everyone happy know go know message more im scared even post message feel like option left die theres point trying want live want push beliefs anyone free hate trans ok im sorry bothering everyone doubt anything done help me feel like end dead matter what apologise bad grammar badly collected thoughts cant think straight anymore want away here