need ventto start im  years old id grade severely depressed started guess  family owned restaurant brother always helping step dad hired apprenticejosh young time main part josh feel like apprentice felt like family used take driving would always let play phone work boring me attending first year highschool time woke one morning parents tears eyes tell josh involved traffic accident killed absolutely destroyed me role model one closest friends happened noticed family close more step dad got increasingly quieter life consisted school restaurant want give whole sap story wanted end  tried times decided talk somebody get help worked briefly much shitfest last two years ive living states capitol im looking work able hold stable job whole time currently unemployed almost  months im medication seem work either soon course doctor says im fine get feels back want pill morning decide im going feel today destined keep eating ssris hopeful theyll work  thing keeping girlfriend people considered best friends years never talk me people ive made friends same feel like inconvenience really ill go way see people things rarely mutual like that idea fuck want life used ambitions goals determination feel empty girlfriend working moment get slum applying countless jobs reply you unsuccessful remember teenager made pact kill late s hint successful future recently ive fantasizing killing driving highway running barrier kms hour would trick fantasies becoming frequent thing im certain girlfriend person keeping right now