even fail testing methodi saline kcl powder not made medication made research syringes learned kcl iv painful prepared pain real put bit kcl powder saline loaded like ml ml syringe tried find vein arm difficult check got vein one hand needed pull slightly draw blood took like  mins pressed felt rush saline coming system panicked managed put ml pulled out even real get test pain monyh ago halfassedly tried bleed using syringe tube putting vein blood filled like half small cup stopped someone end me want go hospital beg put anesthesia die lonely fuck scared life parents already hate place say know so cant even pass parttime job interview fuck good at