finally told grandmother reason want dieshe long antagonizing family mom favorite child cant accept son forgotten her son always says take country us family lives never did never even told grandmother cousin got married already take care her feed her give stuff wants were still evil eyes likes twist words actions look like protagonist terrible drama likes make us look like were ganging really right need know fight among ourselves everything were still good enough everyday makes us feel worthless always feel like enough family im good person try best be keep quiet even want scream stay still even want kill all hold everything burden grandmother likes play favorites favorite among siblings me siblings like unnecessarily extra nice like giving food siblings watch making drink siblings watch expects side want take sides all want die resilient motherfucker would rather die myself greatest reason hate waking all today fought screamed her told reason want die kept quiet screamed loud neighbors heard screamed loud  minutes later throat still hurts crying think hate seeing cry annoying shut trap suffer quietly cant she shaking mad sitting still want either us die get with whether goes first go first matter want end suffering already suggests move therapist keeps telling me easy need month advance month deposit paying bills were already paying current house is also easy third world country