whys hardlast night got drunk wrote redflag note laid diaries filled every suicidal depressive thought past year tried hang myself ive anti depressants week theyve taken away fear killing myself would chicken breakdown time sat trying trying hour cant cry anymore theres drop go one methods cuts carotid arteries hurts maybe im cutting carotid arteries enough one worst pains ive ever felt head throbbing front brain almost feels like two knives inserted eyes kept trying falling unconscious whatsoever one point started stopwatch phone see long attempts were one  seconds hurt much tried adjusting using cut airwaves made choke cough last attempt time it instead sang along song playing itunes head distracting pain longest attempt hurt much kayne song came on fucking dying kanye lmao gave up put everything away went bathroom going bed noticed eyes completely bloodshot burst capillaries face theyre still  hours later whys hard die know people successfully it