want pain stop goodive suicidal  years straight severely depressed long remember things life improved large others gotten worse ive gotten older biggest one mental health ive psych ward three times tried kill twice recent attempt unfortunately botched left agonizing pain every single day nearly  months later im surrounded people love care none ever really get matter hard try im tired trying everything sun seems work everyone else doesnt jack shit frustrated disappointed im getting worse meantime im tired miserable pain im nothing helps shitty life turned be all im tired pretending like things improve know deep probably wont life fucking joke im tired goddamn punchline