need end soonim tired everything everyone leaves matter hard try good friend girlfriend whatever never enough feels like matter im anymore friend probably sick hearing crying shell probably leaving soon too every day vivid image blowing brains pops mind night get urge pills feel reaching constantly stop myself know stop myself job high school diploma drivers license im fucking  im trying fucking hard get things pandemic made nearly impossible   things happen feel fucking useless worthless love life left someone else friends abandoned im starting push away family well nobody stand around anymore used happy fun around even want leave bed want die want pain heart end want stop god need stop