want kill myself cant though hate iti wish wasnt born  sisters aged   could leave   year old sisters pick school play every day burden one day gone understanding why want exist world feel trapped  year old sister depression bipolar disorder cut wrists wants run away tells forces tell nobody im scared her dreams loses mind kills me dont sleep night anymore hate school im always tired friends smart want engineers cant fucking pass grade  math test im  grade  fucking hate every day school pretend sick skip it cant drop dad would lose it cant commit redflag mom already thinks failed parent older sisters doings parents put effort eldest sister keep inside me ive told  counselling sessions dad cut thought attention faking it believe me put resources helping ive neglected hate them two younger sisters equation would instantly kill myself even note written laptop containing help explain redflag young kids alongside everything goes friends younger sisters im trapped trapped shitty life joy happiness keep everything inside tell friends want get hit car die accident tbh even know im writing this got here researching efficient ways die want waste space ever work guts leave shitty world take life wish life kick ground keep kicking you like fuck man want die want whatever world contain me wish like immune system infection flushed out im trapped paradox cant want bad hate younger sisters theyre keeping alive love keeping alive know made sense whoever read far jumbled mess thoughts self loathing does wish parents would take school week two mentally try heal reset im danger school want die there could easily run away finish it im goddamn tempted to honest know deep deep dont want die believe exists us least us thats write wish someone somehow internet sees name mojoit goes oh hey thats one friends aliases im going contact  stop this feeling deep deep nearly enough save me ive called parents many times ignored take serious enough maybe know meant hate dad most wish saw knew different wants lawyer savant never be sees inferior everyone embarrasses me day family dinner made fun dropping soccer dance due anxiety around it mom forces dance school wont get fat hate it performance tomorrow pretended sick know dances pushing dying tonight know dad comment bad mom disappointed friends calgary met online want go meet cause important way kill would met person im vancouver bc know wrote this maybe feeling talked earlier knows know maybe tonight night theres bleach upstairs tons meds could take dont want make mess go gory knife rought much parents clean up im trapped reddit want never existed im stuck work courage commit wish parents understood im trapped