im  years old ambitions want get far life thought killing haunting long time want end itthis going long one type read long piece text think move elsewhere  im  years old male live uk im aspiring filmmaker im currently university filmmaking course young age wideeyed kid saw world playground imagination run wild place become almost anything time life discovered many things created many goals aspire towards everyday would look important relic something thrive towards time childhood fun full optimism carried forward early years teenager friends school moved on first sense loss next grandmother grandfather passing away within year carried forward time high school optimism still alive far remember high school fun time dispute overly shy able gain good group friends dreams ambitions seemed closer ever began watch films range arthouse cinema built love writing able come stories im still working even day shy was think would remembered everyone latter half final year got stage sang songs everyone loved remember boy came shell sang heart out attended college soon finally wanted do held back little poor maths grade level one art design media course first moving towards level  film course years went on began lose confidence myself disregarding scripts calling awful even deleting computer attending classes began lose hope able get highest grades class got university made happy spark gone know why ive enjoyed university far ive working likeminded people reason feel like lesser person them latter half first year considering redflag stopped shortly attended music festival ive attending festival since  last year helped forgive see thousands people time lives made think would lose kill myself that want got back work but thought killing stuck again ive degrading ive person before parents worried brother worried really affected filmmaking well think future hold me haunting long time wish could end life right now write this im edge hope itbut urge overwhelming me actually read this want thank taking time wonderful life hope everything works you certainly me ive never love sense success really see point continuing life take life post this want reflect life makes wonderful want see flaws hope stronger point overcome tough times live see happiness waiting you again thank reading wish happy life know mine worth it life worth everything