think feel emotions right making nutsyup again still thinking dying according parents always relatively happy child age  so started noticing something emotions just off really hard describe happiness just brief almost unpleasant anger feels like impulse something sadness like wanting cry recently cannot seem even get reduced feelings everything made happy anymore ive also tried new things also dont make feel happiness cannot reiterate much hate this enjoy anything again suffering just plain suffering torture even thing sort enjoy sleeping even getting old want anything anymore anything old hobbies serve distraction suffering know anymore also sorry hard understand english native language describing issue really hard well