hi friend i hope you all are well well i should explain myself i guess i don t feel like i exist i mean that i don t have many people in life and those who are i don t see them missing me friend are nonexistent i do have a few acquaintance i guess i ve tried to make new friend and reconnect with old but school work and the guard don t allow for much down time and it s like i m the only one trying so why bother the logic also go into my luck on dating though to be honest i haven t really been trying i think i would rather make friend first work school and the guard are just thing i do now i don t really do them because i want to but because they re thing i have to do and i don t remember why i just do them like i m on autopilot my family is currently ripping itself apart i ve known my parent haven t been happy for a while but i didn t realize how deeply they hated each other and in their crossfire is everyone else i ll keep it short but somehow a hundred mile away they still managed to hurt me a way i didn t expect and i ve decided to cut tie with my parent for the mean time at least my brother are quite literally the only thing keeping me tethered to the world i don t want to hurt them but i just don t feel any joy in any action i take or any agency i just feel numb to everything not angry not upset not frustrated just hallow i don t feel like the same person that played lego batman with his brother split a milkshake on his boyfriend played minecraft with his parent partied with his friend took pride in what i did could claim myself i m just not i look in the mirror and i don t feel like a person is looking back at me just this husk and i don t know how to undo that i don t know how i got here i don t know how to feel like a person again and not this ghost haunting the park i walked and the clothes i wore well thanks for listening to my rambling i wish the best for you have a good day