hi feeling one worst felt life older get become hopeless always dream better days time riddled fears redflag life could beautiful seem attract negativity even describe pain soul feeling even know start need write comfort moment severe pain lung beeing chainsmoker years daily paranoid death cancer even writing everything exhausting sometimes even power get get something drink lazy tired life disapointent give little power still without parents friends help would drown sure man sad know women attracted depressed skinny guy girlfriend  years hugged kissed cuddled girl  years dying inside need get chest thinking sharing reddit whatever reason longer time always spoon pillow imagine girlfriend everyday afraid die without ever knowing feels loved pain lung moment scaring death id happy someone would chat little thank read whole post appreciate friend hopeless