edge much pain solutionstoday lost last real job offer due communications error family told believe told raped child edge raped  school covered up school lawyer convinced family press charges ive stuck living family since got college struggling find fulltime work get money move outits goodwe get along cant communicate weve fighting years fighting mother escalated point hardly talk one another father completely oblivious everything although supportive goes whatever mother says even disagrees posterchild emotionally dominated spouse week ago mother beloved elderly pet rat euthanized without telling town weekend found getting vet bill gets angry mental problems take mental health seriously upon telling ptsd told build bridge get it lied terminally ill cancer years ago for attention actually hoped would die several months ago aggressive harassment took really bad turn causing ptsd get really badduring particularly awful fight took knife kill dared it almost did something stopped me checked mental hospital aftermath causing lose job process stay mental hospital ironically counterproductive mental health too since ive tried stay stable struggled find work managing get job struggling retail chain get breaks get yelled id like friends live far away work long hours get see often successful friends look like im crazy burnout humiliating relationship rest family struggled failed get girlfriend enough times ive given up sexual problems ptsd depression plus im looker i suffer physical deformity hand think scary movie two butler makes finding girlfriend painfully impossible task spend time locked room waiting form unemployed mother leave house she rarely does take handfuls drugs sleep night soon able afford lose insurance coverage ive seen dozen therapists none helpful ive tried talk problems friends problems personal dark want hear it lost know anymore want escape spend lot time thinking dying backing bag fleeing west destination mind know much longer go without completely losing it life string catastrophes since childi know take life kicking ass one time