even fuckin know damn fucking tired  dont know nothing midnight cant sleep feeling really shitty maybe mayo salad bad idk maybe explain venting bc right feel fucking bad probably delete later feels good write down dont even care grammar fukc it please dint feel concerned contemplating self harm anything christmas new years eve really unsatisfying every year certain magic feel it anither day except ate lot junk got little drunk family played game end laughing like maniacs good next day fucking bad ithought would good parents walk day friends sister home could play games day long feel like things really wanted got late wait fir everybody get somwhere else could wank bit horny waited two fckin hours even thou watched youtube whole time felt wait least changes pyjamas  afternoon spend rest day wondering play ended playing watching many things bored really quick continued nothing do basically spend whole day things supposed joy ultimately made feel like nothing mattered nothing makes sense whatever cannot distract wierd feeling existing without dreams needs feel like exits bad good thing anymore honestly life might throw soon think ate much mayo salad ad stuff anyway took calming pill help sleep pill calms stomach hopefully work far nothing writing comes fucked mind find something interesting read fear sentenced look wall whole night eyes wide open feeling every minute like hour considering wank serotonin shit pause like five minutes staring wall latetly found way utilize pillow bed understand implying fuck post probably broke lot rules guy usually reads rules manuals rn fucking care enough read hope mofos read shit gonna regret posting tomirrow clarify drunk high rn type writing used famous wtiters forgot called something along lines of train thougt think hemingway used too forgot good memorizing literature like reading well helped bit hope nobody know sees good night going stare wall