everything ive ever wanted since rememberi know eventually im going die way know cant escape truth undeniability it matter much distance put truth still blind me reflective surfaces everywhere never able live without evidence failures lack ability cope honest truth want rip screen window fingers climb walk back suburban roads sun rises without thinking bombedout topography ruined face used think got older might look fine abuse could think thirteen told pretty knew belowaverage think specifics it told even watched sleep even recorded rise fall breathing even woke panic god forgive me took granted focusing terror felt would anything exchange terror that every source find every study trawl looking answers tells skin condition irreversible incurable undeniable never good base start with ratios bones protrusions skin way eyes sit hollows skull haunt every second breathe wish could make stop moment wish could loved like wished could loved tried kill first time terrified love synonymous fear is now still fear exist anyone looks like me uneven rough colour red crayons used child unaware fact would never experience something rest world takes granted real love real touch would touch someone scarred bloodflushed face would look like person living breathing human being never even chance never even chance one red shiny swollen skin bug eyes colour dirt want sink into nose big elegant small cut open bone poor philtrum chin ratio want held like person tip mouth sun catches would anything it negative canthal tilt failing curve jaw have hopes dreams ever wanted poor mouth shape teeth spaced large wish dead eyelids like crushed olives want die lips blood them want die want die want die ive never seen eighteen year old destroyed ive never seen anyone like loved ive never date kissed person alive eyes heart beating throat turn nineteen two months unlikely ever will think sometimes maybe could good could forget chemical burns gave years salicylic acid misuse products nothing poor face destroying face thing hated me always me one cares good not face good unruined still knowable still loveable theres little left kill truth  take take contribute meaningless platitudes carbon dioxide die want ashes one urns turns tree want beautiful want people take care me want touched warm hands want something dying world could never life forgive failures