fucking bother anymoreim done everything im  years old training teacher else im struggling depression anxiety every day every day deal shitty little kids respect me told lessons standard matter long stayed plan put together deal fear failing ive already  months due mental illness came back want career also problems home deal constantly fearing money im going finish training whether pass fail always tell im dead man walking redflag way out ive watched videos perfected technique tying noose even hardware store look right rope job even considered booking flight san francisco go golden gate bridge end life ive watched many videos redflag clips livestreams indulge suicidal fantasies im medication problems much every time hear people jokingly talk killing laughing subject redflag wish gun blow head teach lesson im asking pity advice want whoever reads know might live much longer may see  lifes fucking hard dont want anymore