alcohol numbing guilt committing redflagi dependence alcohol however drinking every day every weeks couple months may seem like much drink feel dependent it recently something horrible happened feel happy somewhat drunk now know im harm thought dying mental state makes seem much easier doi feel free somewhat happyi plan drinking awhile possibly staying  days max avoid ptsd dreamsthese usually triggered stress fear going sleep thats im staying want feel crappy staying up life feel guilt killing myself guilt family may think feel like would okay etc think im going drink daily know healthy feel like way feel alright okay