want anymore bpdpersistent depressive syndrome   years unstable relationships friendships im left one good friend across ocean anyone else probs wishes well cant bothered say anything else matter hard time making friends becoming close people mainly find people interested wanting friends connectionchemistry terms social circle legit alone clearly good reason   years suicidal ideation recently intense attempts  firm belief always way  want way always way ruins follow life evidence sort also revealing messed person am  cant job effectively anymore could even that  reaching incredibly hard justify reasons so hard do  cant around people family job im unhappy life be cant around sake cant anymore