cant bear thought continuing lifei thinking killing myself ive disappointed many people fit in cant concentrate work cant find enjoyment anything do every year hit new lows ive depressed since   graduate school cant keep work state mind ive done next nothing year ive degrading experience let superiors know depression problem order hate appears laziness first said quitting phd program said wanted stay im frustrating enough general piece advice read simply take things slow luxury anymore ive tested everyones patience enough already consume resources contribute nothing always depressed lacking motivation ive tried meds therapy sports gym eating healthy temporary effects lose steam quickly know it confront true self again course fuck expect hate everyone envy everyone time people always say just live life see happens die anyway think shows lot ignorance sure lot fortuitous things happen life keep struggling chance something good happen ive given life countless shots im tired hope finding disappointment cant live family friends hurt kill myself ultimately strong survive weak die off strong enough accept death make it not kill too theres point wallowing shithole concerned someone else think depart fuck shit