sense making plansmaking plans parents leave watch house take care cats even though clearly said want anymore like alone here give advice leave cant go outside anymore people constantly hitting triggers me cannot risk going anywhere public meet people agoraphobia feeling trapped inside house closes chest makes difficult breathe safe place yet also place family caused physical pain violence city live in alcoholism family abuse plan protect myself free myself harm myself contact law enforcement cause harm long pause typing thoughts turning feelings change thoughts say myself reach better feeling thought gratitude list believe everything always working you take nap cant take nap thoughts never stop arm pain someone play hitting comment made assault someone illegal put jail committing clear crime superpower wherewithall abraham hicks spoke come me lack based focus turn attention could be meditate like trying do shut up fuck inner voice debating angel devil shoulder crap friends talk anymore lost temper car got stolen cant get job hopeless lack stuck trapped fear excitement joy cats man love cats tears streaming face  year old man love myself protect people violence already done im still hurting it yoga teacher says healing inevitable long pause typing go back time run away home cant get here long pause typing put facebook event invited  people come house parents gone im calling upon support one shows again long pause typing hahaha im stupid