so outside looking great life better average person country kenya  parents worked hard grown good home enough food tablei feel lucky hate here always feel like deserve wish could give someone underprivileged better deserving opportunities feel like forced so much live for life great people fight everyday fraction opportunities disposal want this want leave want forfeit feel like ever make whatever doing never good enough nd living everyday postpones death time harder leave failed ton classes first year college could focus everlasting cloud life feel guilty knowing parents paying lot international tuition wasting iti drugs escape another problem life another reason hate always dream feeling nothing going far away maybe sea dying without trace family get hurt believe many years hated forever life depressing think dying every daymaybe cursed tired fighting tired getting toim tired tired