my anxiety is so through the roof it cause the whole host of problem depression agoraphobia extreme cynicism trust issue assuming everyone hate me that i come off a mentally incompetent everyone look down on me which cause extreme bitterness and resentment towards everyone i interact with feeling inferior to everyone constant feeling of guilt over everything ultra self conscious always worried that something is going to go wrong if i m not always on high alert and never being able to relax everything feeling really fake because i have to pick and choose what i say very carefully otherwise someone might beat the shit out of me too nervous to look anyone in the eye too nervous to talk to anyone always looking nervous and keeping my head down and staring at the ground zero self esteem because i noticed every little thing i do wrong and mentally flagellate myself for it feeling so hopelessly inferior i can t talk to anyone because i don t notice anyone else s mistake ever major anger issue being so nervous i start cry not knowing how to start conversation because i overthink everything i say or just assume everyone want me to fuck off forgetting thing because i m so nervous i try to do everything super fast so nobody get mad at me and i m always in a rush always really nervous and looking over my shoulder to make sure no one s behind me stomach issue because i m so anxious that i vomit getting this point where i m so anxious that i get overwhelmed or something and i dissociate and can t understand what s going on around me everyone think that i have severe autism or that i m retarded i don t know maybe i am but i ve noticed that these symptom go away if i actually feel fucking safe usually i have to be in a place where there are no fucking human it s got nothing to do with autism i just associate human with danger after having the shit beaten out of me so even being in the same room with someone else put me on high alert no one is screaming at or threatening me and no one is fucking watching me unfortunately i get lonely but people pick up on how nervous i am and they say that it make me unlikeable they say that i come off a creepy shy and weird and i can t even bring myself to talk to people because i hate people fucking looking at me after the incident unfortunately i never feel safe anymore i am stuck clinging to my abuser and being unable to leave them because i know if i m out on my own i ll be destroyed by everyone who see me it s like i m walking around with a giant red target on my back that say kick me probably because i m short and they know they can easily kill me if they want to in my personality is so unlikable they know that people probably thank them for killing me i don t know what to do im really lonely but everything about me is wrong and shitty and i m a garbage human who doesn t deserve to exist all i ve heard from god damn human since the incident is how unlikable my personality is i m sorry i got beaten within an inch of my life for 9 month straight and i m fucked traumatized by it don t you dare call me a wimp if it happened i bet you d be fucked up too and you wouldn t be mr tough guy