struggling hard thoughts redflag fact one carelately ive thinking redflag lot happened ive hospital months ago starting again im really starting realize meaninglessness existence world feel like matter anyone im always excluded people ask ask hang ask help im always one things feel like im always reaching friends respond gratitude like im cool enough time im loser live home parents like asshole moved living cooler friends never invited hang im not allowed whatever never try accommodate me im one always go are feel like one day im going explode them ive told several times feel inconsiderate changed think im one problems realize actions affecting me leading think matter redflag reasonable option give fuck die right asking me talking me theyre obsessed even though live together tertiary character star show want fucking die feel worthless stupid like loser never like them talked counselor said never say death matter people seemed extremely offended said that truly feel though hurts bad friends know often get suicidal think want deal shit anymore ignore me well die deal fucking problems anymore thanks anybody read this total whine fest im taking space sorry that