want tell story die dealt mental health issues whole life tried harder anyone expect need to earliest memories father coming home drunk high beating mother would hide bed play dolls sister would hear beating her always wanted friends never any weird kid could go anyones house unless invited remember peeing pants outside door invited in remember father living  minutes road never there holidays look good front parents remember mothers family hating me telling would like him men worthless stepfather beating me would blame say lying remember kicked house still school defending raised fist her hitting him making cry mom good person get it remember homeless remember meeting wife second job breaking grandparents house gone winter drinking much wanted stop blackouts gave peace remember years happiness wife well close someone like have remember us going school planning future going chef wanted writer remember knock door hearing ok hospital seeing her telling call family calling them knowing say got headache work started crying sitting passed said sent bigger better hospital remember driving there drove fast reckless took helicopter tests remember told aneurysm brain dead asking sign papers unplugged donate organs brother wanting father see again father molested her molested her went prison it remember stalling could see her know right thing do hated him daughter reason important brother remember supposed touch her remember touching anyways remember breaking already broken bipolar whole life remember signing papers take life support able passed much apologize kid could handle much  killed stroke pen say brain dead already dead ended it remember getting mail told organs saved lives calling family even father them remember next years well drank lot trying kill myself stayed family mine made unforgivable mistakes got angry came close killing remember pulling knife going commit suicide cop remember multiple times tried get help remember giving up going group home hoping would get help trying many medications counseling left rot spent near decade there tried anything offered failed me failed well never following through promising things never happened group home infested bed bugs cockroaches covered bites always roommates needed help none us got jumped teeth broken mistaken one sexual offender years trying leave another bringing weapons house would drink together would pull one tell kill would kill himself went stay mom trouble typing more need break finish later anyone wants story much could write