introductionthis post cry help im looking end life right minute depressed suicidal varying degrees  years guess see place might frequent then thought get little story there first suicidal thoughts  id depressed years then never put much thought redflag junior high one teammates committed redflag opened eyes knew must felt felt too ultimate solution thoughts plan rest junior high high school kept hunting rifle single bullet would end room spent lot time thinking where sitting night loading unloading gun testing way could hold rifle get job done would range gun safety know want hurt others know people say matter bad it matter low are life get better know future holds well no know future holds thats supposed give hope people help hang on problem future always bright worse thought life turning around end high school thought made dark time things looking up years depression already lead dark path came head brought crashing down say life get better put effort work improve situation ive done last  years ive gutted out put best forward changed better ive put effort improving life showing others ever thought me none matters someone power always hold put back place sure people care love me enough society general hates me friends left me matter do never reach potential life killing inside last  months life hardest yet courts struck down want see ive done life power let go yeah context makes sense trust me job decent dead end cant ever see escaping stress piling unbearable levels lately wife loves me family life nothing constant stress weve done fix it seem much hope theres go escape low life become options left unexplored make things better life many years choose accept tough end it im smart enough know whats wrong me smart enough know options have smart enough know life crap many ways continue be sometimes wish could understand much blissfully unaware happy longer rifle bullet im sure id gone now would take one rash decision plan end life timetable would take day preparation purposely done thats safety net end life itll thought thought right time would take prepare no warning never post saying ive set timedate im attention happen ill probably posting threads im antiredflag think last resort hope mods accept always posting happy replies trying cheer people giving false hope im honest others sometimes honesty pretty think situation get better im going tell too im  years road initial thoughts redflag things turn around everyone says ive hurt many people around along way ill honest could talk  year old self say hang things get better id tell self much look forward to save others hurt next  years it