this past year ha been my get out of hand year i normally handle my depression well i know what trigger low point i know how to get myself out of my funk i know how to manage it but this year oh this year ha beat the ever loving shit out of my mental health i had a baby and got ppd really bad i have ptsd from being in a horrible accident with my best friend and having him literally die while i wa trying my hardest to stop the bleeding and the anniversary of his death is coming up on the st the only person i ever would talk about it with wa our friend sarah who wa dating his brother and she really took me in and helped me the week following his death i had started drinking heavily and just being wreck le and not caring if anything happened to me she wa the biggest ball of sunshine and positive person i had ever met and she killed herself last month i didn t even know she wa depressed so my mind is a wreck right now she wa my positive person my rock and she couldn t handle her sadness and took her own life and i feel even more horrible because how selfish wa it of me to not see that she wasn t okay i have cried every day for two week i am angry and hostile and don t want to be around anyone i don t even want to me around my own kid my mom temporarily moved in for the next couple of week because of how bad i wa getting my neighbor are even texting me asking if i m okay and i have hit the point where i don t even try faking it i just say no no i m not okay