know much longer gofor  years ive fought misunderdiagnosed mental illnesses  years ive tried failed everyone else easily turns borderline personality disorder and depression anxiety ruined life things ive done hurt everyone love wife holding on strained uneasy makes skin crawl says loves never hugs kisses me never snuggles me kids hate me give  effort and depression looks like tried tat care am  unable things need show wife love her unable loved failed everything one talk all sit fantasize feeling last time tried kill myself pills kicked warm calm serene sit look photos people committed redflag wonder much longer go is obviously part want die talk it im scared know anymore im going anything soon even it lot before but god im exhausted unbearably sad want loved accepted even though nothing offer anyone want over