even botheryo back september almost ended life didnt though keep thinking mistake to got bullied  years never really friend besides mom family even acknowledge existence let alone family tried months make friends always find looking like fool female crush whenever talk gives one word answers acts uninterested me try make freinds week two never talk again glad never drank used drug did would probability lose control end life everyday drink looks tempting make forget pain live day hiding feelings get home feel like worst thing planet time go sleep near tears wake morning feel like physical embodiment pain cycle continues want stop want give up