 years old enoughill try keep short even though feel lot could cover post turned  long ago failed course college moment undecided whether go back college spend another year studying try find employment honest wish could neither stay home im tired everything long remember ive detested contributing member society ive always punching bag everyone else relentlessly bullied throughout schooling years left choice embrace worsening social isolation talk anyone want talk anyone years torment put through dread s play out dread resort wageslave society disgusted existence deal even bullying harassment hands manager coworkers dread continuing live knowing life gets harder enter adulthood ive always thought ill one die young recount thoughts hurting early  years age even scares myself see dying natural death oldage never have honestly thing stopping ending all know family devastated see go also fear happens next another thing keeping back idea happens die utterly terrifies me miserable myself want try hold onto life long can know long be want reason stay alive