fighting since  hero killed himself stunted socially unplugged form passion  lived life without passion without skills develop around socialization path forward spent past  years failing changing situation tried learn countless skills none thrived would like quit now really worried hurting young nephew unplugging way unplugged cannot go like this hear see beauty head cannot express fingers workout starve best can body change sad time would like strength selfish would also like spit gods stupid face cruel hack  years in totally stuck