fakeeveryday act happy want mom worrying killing anymore forced anti depressants feel worse dont talk boyfriend see struggles himself also feel like people care superficially im always begging people including parents care act like care beneficial them like around people raped  ever since felt like nothing body mine ive thrown away sex terrible guys thought would make feel something instead opposite hate much hurt burns much hurt happy im fun best friend boyfriend even feel insecure time many reasons used like im always sad makes panic im myself wish could crawl skin dont know go on ive tried get help one without judgement world