dont think make itten years ago wasnt good year compared whats happened earth shattering handle everyone live either moved away friendships severed died overdose know one person left alive arent good terms all care addict always feels like trap sunday went hospital panic attack god damn time hate conflict lot started three years ago boyfriend four years found dead overdose didnt know addict less year died im stupid didnt know hid well tried hard enough carry guilt die literally feel gutted friend whos good terms cutting actions hurts like hell hes one left knows through losing friends even turn  trapped watching even something bad happens hearts hurting much nothing helps hell father died  cant take it miss death dont know live life changes mom threw away years work things went ahead changed whole house thats fine taken darkest places almost died three times last year tried hardest save her theres guy im catching feelings im already scared hell feel like shouldnt feel like im cheating boyfriend whos dead three years moment feel like im going heart attack non stop shake feel like crap tried take life many times cant take world hate it cant eat sleep nightmares get wish lived state assisted redflag allowed afraid live leave house cant function im sick stomach theres help there