a little over four month ago my relationship of over two year ended my partner left me for the person they told me they couldn t ever love more than me and that i had nothing to worry about i trusted them and they destroyed that i moved back home all the while they gaslit me into thinking it wa my choice once i got home almost a thousand mile away i began to spiral my family wa in the midst of drama between my aging parent one struggling with memory loss the other with alcoholism my dog from high school ha also begun declining and will be crossing the rainbow bridge any week now following the breakup i struggled with alcohol and substance abuse for several month which i ve only just begun to get control of i wa sexually assaulted twice in the span of two month my relative have died of covid i ve been unable to find a good job that actually us my degree in the time since moving home a well i find myself unable to form meaningful connection with friend or family i can t be open with anyone because i don t feel i can trust them i m worried that anyone and everyone could leave me at a moment notice i can t get my ex off my mind and the feeling of inadequacy and abandonment are staying strong i don t feel the ability to love i don t know where i m going with this but it s my first time posting here and i guess i just need to know that i m not alone and that i can stop spiraling and live a good fulfilling life i need to recover from the fallout of what s been my life for about month now i m sorry if this isn t the kind of post i should be making but at this point therapy and psychiatric treatment and medication are all failing me what can i do where do i go from here