im absolutely terrified kill myselfi dont want die dont want live depressing lonely life used kind joke killing way cope everything honestly never really considered it iv always said would kill ever hit  never girlfriend l  things gotten worse right next days time decide go it first time looked methods imagined would like shit terrified me literally started tearing shaking whats options live always horrible life filled people telling oh dont worry itll get better keep trying attempt hang going described horrible experience risk surviving like come on kind crap that