ever since little parents always fought blamed everything me turned  yesterday still nothing changed parents put expectation initially becoming tennis player trained  years life childhood would immediately pm eating would play tennis  hours years end high school difficult unable multitask tasks i good tennis know limitations told give up blamed months end ruing dreams money told younger scared would happen parents hateddespised existence use them aimed become doctor year  age  breaking first girlfriend emotional scapegoat since parents hated me relationship toxic first love chose another individual much coward ask out girlfriend year  parents would antagonise fall love ruined tennis career education relationship girlfriend realised way parents treating me lack social awareness enclosed life did know youtube anime insta etc till  slowly began shut life parents would antagonise me act like support immediately backstabbed chance blame everything common enemy this norm life still is parents still antagonise falling love point depressed friends slowly forgot form happiness still left anime lego gamesmy parents antagonise successful much disgrace iam compared them freeloading leech takes everything granted whilst offering nothing return way parents brought speech impediment stutter cannot formulate sentences quickly struggle talk get bullied still laugh get emotional scarred people still expect smile laugh smile school friends since graduated friends one talks me except parents ostracise existence mistake everyday also biology class receiving crappy marks chemistry getting scolded parents slit wrist scalpel friends time took nurse medicinebandaid applied wrist scared parents say hid it woke up bandaid gone sure saw since live small apartment sleep room come morning seemed care wanted care injury wanted kill since age  prayed would die everyday relive parents burden f me afraid end myself would hope got freak accident killed unfortunately nothing happened yeti go uni study software engineering received atar  far cry studying medicine want make friends uni speech impediment look i exactly call good looking guy know ugly still continue hope on skipped alot past better left unknown turned  yesterday hoping would die turning adult kind disappointed honest woke immediately scolded looking sad  friends remember birthday  family friends parents obligated wishes time flew people forgot me bad always wanted forgotten guess cutting cake asked smile would since sad still alive started curse like always thankful have always like monitor check phones stuff younger sibling blessed receive everything parents wish had also stopped talking parents routinely check email discovered friends joke round calling names stuff one friends called gay joke sister called infront friends highschool too person close relations made feel betrayed putting trust them parents made reconcile them acted did never felt sincere happened  years ago trying get first job retail leave house contribute money family leech one hiring since covid work experience need wait covid bans lifted still alive lolnow today parents spoke much disappointment iam make numb pain holding back tears looking pan face time cried first time first time  years despite calling out different things even wishing dead known going born would aborted calling mistake parents said probably made mistake received baby nursery broke heart act stone face hide tears sadness say anything back them whenever would make things worse expressing feelings imagine ur friend consoling despite reluctant finally get consoled pissed taking forever things get worse like quiet nod head giving  word answers feel remorse continued talk me later one comes asks cried saying surprised choose say anything lecture  hr mins asking why telling hardships much failure am verge decided whether jump apartment not written signed couple draft notes done body die donated medical research organ transplants removes burdens parents idk sorry wasting time rant anything thank time sorry bad english despite first language do