went hospital called nsph visited psych still feel emptyso sunday overwhlemed everything im  im decently high corporate ladder technically support system nothing helping heart mind see everything okay im aware enough know sound like whiny bitch throwing tantrum attention however rest doesnt want live anymore sunday called national redflag hotline got response line another caller shed call back literally nothing happened felt even like sign finish wasnt worth it went hospital got asked typical questions sent way home told visit psych following day werent open mlk day feel uncomfortable skin im half mexicanhalf white gay overweight food makes feel temporarily happy gained  lbs past year half it im east tennessee  things feel like case even worse actually is people expressed important them much love much ive done life feel nothing except wanting stop living brain wont stop going back dark side whatever hell is life guess want magic pill stop thinking everyone lying dont really care theyre using me past keeps coming like elevator started floor  someone pressed every button floor  cant un press them someone felt way advice pulled want help understand trust people life honest true word want pain thoughts stop want make world better place want one feel way feel terrible thing shake off want happy again