entirely sure doi really want complainer whiner ive really hard time lately im beginning think need help growing whole life revolved around mom jealous condescending way required special treatment colon cancer traveling specialist specialist chemo treatment chemo treatment got used hospital environment soon enough settled fort knox ky louisville ky getting best treatment could best professionals field went well approaching last treatment surgery remove last cancer around colon would free battle shed fought many years long story short last surgery go way doctors planned short stem cancer thought disconnected body fact connected heart slight tug resulted catastrophe  year old child hard believe news fact next year rounding corner hope standing porch still lingers joke cruel sick joke corners rounded close  times finally set in reality think thats depression began recovered time that senior year college tried taking life due rusty knife self actualization survived day im still struggling pretty poorly depression days good days debilitating cant admit family theyve suffered enough really really want get better im sure do im afraid go psychiatrist therapist im really feeling creep back anyone advice theyve done improve