rant maybe ventthis prolly gonna long one stay please also sorry spelling mistakes grammar ive crying writing this ive feeling really depressed suicidal way month sure long one friends asked out dated week broke saying cant trusted broke tried best treat right happened halloween finally got home hanging friends went room cried sleep ive feeling like killing severely hurting since dea keep thinking find positive reasons live friends surprisingly ex none want die think theyre lying trying keep humiliate make suffer even already busy stressful life school problems home want stay am want to go missing another country still feel like killing id friends know went know sound selfish hell wanting leave cant think better reason want see dead body deal knowing im dead theyd prolly traumatized seeing happy last time talked them ive self harming really bad since got dumped point cuts leave awful scars stopped  weeks since broke blade accident cuts healed showed guess tried showing happens leaving alone like already alarming amount suicidal thoughts like say anything relationship but say accident mean harm im reflecting ive feeling way suicidal happened problems home started cutting broke blade aswell anything week ago pe got hit leg right cuts continue playing went bathroom check cuts hurt bad almost started crying resulted slightly bright colored pants get bit red blood teacher asked everything alright tell did class asked alright told school counselor agreed friends blackmailed telling ive slowly getting bit better writing feel depressed im writing here words meaning ive falling back really bad ordered boxcutter online im waiting arrive feel like cut throat open die knowing burden everybody anyways thanks reading this appreciate precious individual took time read something useless this im posting hopes feeling bit better great day though