redditor attempted redflagi wanted share experience trigger warning history ive major depression  years ive almost every medication still hard still get lonely still get sad ampxb diagnosed  make misdiagnosed treating bipolar disorder twenty years later find anxiety mdd things looked minute take  medications sometimes felt good felt bad felt bad ampxb one night sad again week showered called work week terrified going lose yet another job due depression drank drank lot got super emotional cause got fight friend felt hopeless death felt right redflag notes written past felt like everyone else selfish selfish wanting die selfish wanting stay like this ampxb tried knife first it hurt bad found razor able cut wrists successfully im blood thinners took whole bottle would bleed out woozy wanted end faster kept going kitchen get medicine ended taking lot lamictal lamictal extremely dangerous large doses know time pee one point tried get literally legs legs fell me walk poisoned severely tried pull arms couldnt kept flipping furniture attempt get back bed vomit pillow slept face it hallucinations started morning alarm started go off screaming mom who cause im adult live alone turn alarm screaming obscenities torturing alarm shortly able crawl bedroom door open realized mom there computer alarm realized blind see anything like one backgrounds see mac thats bunch fuzzy colors crawled computer unplugged would stop collapsed see walk alive ampxb later day mom come find me thought attacked due disarray bedroom told happened begged take back pysch ward stay help heal could go work monday ampxb slowly weekend lot oatmeal bread water  electrolytes could walk again eventually could see too monday came go back work took leave absence work knew would happen again ampxb called psych doc left message happened well see two months fuck him found closer doctor  better doctor rxed something called tms httpswwwmayoclinicorgtestsprocedurestranscranialmagneticstimulationaboutpachttpswwwmayoclinicorgtestsprocedurestranscranialmagneticstimulationaboutpac ampxb saved life work insurance covered it treatment three psych meds as opposed  thought redflag since ampxb read stories see going through hope you find way late wanted share story two reasons  terrifying blind unable walk  much much better thoughts clear depression minimal anxiety gone ampxb hope ever feel like committing redflag feel free reach me im listen story mine