want shove box rusty nails throat childhood selfto childhood self fuck effeminate little boy made easy target could interesting fucking way yet fucking vanilla ass piece shit corner people show shoot shit at thought would make stronger interesting person made quiet boring easier ignore fuck remembering physical emotional abuse dad family fuck letting mom run little experiments body like sort lab rat fuck speaking suffering did going adults really improved life make abusers hate got slaps wrist huh fuck remembering childhood especially bad parts im  experiencing again idea sort hell im getting vague memories again fault want dead like want dead want suffer way ever survive experience anymore hold fraction malice horrible wishes anyone you person world deserves suffer ash kill kill me too