sorry post againi want use sub place go groan guess im now past couple weeks rough life saying much every thing crumbling around me mind broken afraid pushed dearest friend away ive intense lately many people open to know im much know  throw sick weight onto loved ones shoulders ive watching videos people dying redflags favorite especially ones guns ive gotten murder videos freak accidents torture never  never liked sort thing seeing hurt always made sick love now soothing pleasurable watch videos release drugsmeds always cheap masks make feel real pleasure watch suffering gore actually calm im filled hatred want hurt everyone crosses me want people hurt every fucking day hurt me always pinning screaming ears cant get quite anywhere everyones feeling forced onto me want stop it want eyes leave me ive never fight believe opportunity ive never hurt anyone want bash break people make feel like complete shit opened friend think scared off even give details needed get back wanted person care know completely breaking whats wrong me lived constant urge end life  violence pounding head  think really turned friend away me im tired everything loud want good man