catastrophic failurei cant accept done screw life cant bear face consequences still come cant go back time win lottery need shot like broken horse one else shoot me im going get nerve hang myself tried really hard certain want kind life remains available me even miraculously cured tomorrow mistakes made cant fixed worst consequences still come im ashamed say time read posts here first response envy lives totally ruined im glad still hope you even see way makes realize none me anyone else feel way cant carry on want die