always felt like would end going redflag think time almost herethe past years life nonstop nightmare nothing punching bag world around me think squeezed extra years numbing drugs dont want keep though become exhausting today figured someone used know pressed charges offhand comment angry nearly year ago know whats gonna happen going stain life ruin part me like everything else does find almost perpetually envy others nothing ever seems come moderation im cripple depressed personality disorder covered scars accidents surgeriesi cant take anymore makes worse go part world watching everyone go along ease listening people talk struggles makes jealous im trying invalidate peoples struggles know people much difficult time am also know however great majority people age dont struggles bad things come justgo like them tackle gonei would give anything that problems arise life seem always take part never get back broken world beaten completely never stood chance always sort expected would go redflag certain it truly finally end rope simply cannot keep up every waking second spent slowly coming terms nothingness waiting me im beginning want embrace it dont feel scared anymore long much tired