sorry bother youi usually things like want get know else say it reason im alive father raised belief selfish people kill made terrified selfish tried kill college got really drunk took bottle sleeping pills slept days desperate sleep woke morning realized id done sad still alive loving family good friends wonderful partners live away them hate live im  minutes away partners id love live boyfriend want to pay  per month apartment hate two roommates stopped liking found polyamorous think gross gossip diseases im barely making enough rent ive trying find new place live costs less scary areas im heartbroken man im living stupid city take although im also aware selfish makes makes hate myself job hated left freelance working  hours per day try make ends meet im constantly sad tired feel like every day same im sure im still around for im failing everything anyways im failing life keep going remember id selfish kill cry every morning every night miss family miss best friends want feel home place first time years once im tired