need get chesti need someone something talk to ive spent last weeks vicious cycle feel okay happy neutral guess something minor goes completely wrong spiral get angry lash spend next several hours contemplating life sobbing bedroom alone knowing problems worries would gone dead know tricks people say help depression try reaching people talk someone really friends one acquaintance boyfriend acquaintance always says talk need it try theyre obviously disinterested say fine know exactly excited someone know well tried tell darkest emotions know course boyfriend ive talked circles million times said things imagine starting wear him want burden him want put problems him things worry about shoulder issues well so leave alone im angry tell im going bed stay  morning wishing normal wishing came built friends have wishing could support much supports me wishing could muster courage meet friends without anxiety attack know hed happier gone hed probably feel freer least cant talk mom tells see someone know should therapists psychiatrists area take insurance cant afford cover costs appointment week biweekly even month really im also afraid im lazy even work make better busy yourself get job hobby want get job badly want selfsufficient suffer really bad anxiety im terrified ill go job interview immediately burst tears im nervous would want hire someone cant keep emotions check half hour job interview income worry constantly money feel guilty buying anything it things might interested cost money boot want take candlemaking costs  dollars even begin thats  dollars have want upgrade pc start stream thats  dollars want spend much money myself honestly even gaming made angry lately explode know why get overwhelmed die explode hit myself bruises thighs beating died fucking overwatch ridiculous embarrassing im embarrassed wish still brought joy instead negativity like used to finally im college student right now watch country live circles drain devastating watch prospects might get set fire front me im terrified graduating never able get job aforementioned anxiety issues im terrified living poverty housing prices around college keep going up know do life seems pointless feels like future know im going kill myself really dont want to know how maybe ill stop looking ways cross road maybe itll look like accident  people funeral mourn thought was deeply angry depressed girl am im sorry long know one really wants read strangers emotions needed get chest