everyone policy mine one weird thing holding back guilt know really care emotions turn back need laugh throw struggles face manage pull dark place enjoy like something even know worried guess feel empathy know feels like anyone care whatever really anything left tried hobbies making friends patience energy maintain them like feel connected people whatever people life definitely least favorite least liked hate school hate program longer find joy little things like music food tried therapy multiple therapists either expensive good tried joint program feel like id around caring people feel community someone sees world similarly also backfired nothing keeping anymore going go read finish policy start planning family taking life insurance policy least leave something