currently i m under and life is hell i have ptsd i wa sexually assaulted at my mom didn t feed me when i didn t do all my homework every day didn t oh and ofc ma hit me when i cried and gaslight me to believe my dad wa actually the abusive one she wa also anti vax and flat earth right when the ptsd started to get better life decided naaaaah i like you in pain so during covid i masked and baisicly hid in my apartment like a bunker i caught covid so you might say so what well guess the duck what turn out i had a dormant gene that cause lupus and covid sparked it and now mom traumatized me so that i never asked for help so now you have lupus literally causing organ failure and i m not going to the hospital my god i wish i died and ducking ofc i lived but not without permanent pain and needing harsh medicine for the rest of my life don t forget about school im at my dad now but guess what he care more about my grade than my physical and mental health so when my grade tanked he yell and guilted me into working harder and i m in the gifted program so i recive a workload nearly x my grade level and now lupus is in the story meaning i can t do school well anymore i have no social life due to being in an enriched class nobody doe anything but work so no friend in fact i got bullied and shoved context if i fall i can t get up due to lupus me around so no suppor there i wa already suicidal before the lupus and now i m in constant agony mentally and physicaly oi i m lesbian and my family is half homophobic and half racist my only friend just us me to get sympathy point for taking care of me nobody even care that every few second it feel like 00 knife are stabbing me that s not hyperbole i am in that much pain that i can not sleep 9 pain make it hard to sleep and no sleep make the pain worse then i get stressed about my grade and then i sleep le and the pain get worse 0 i m just a burden on my family lupus is a very hard condition to live with and it s even harder on dad wallet all i do is just cost him more money my dad yell at me to stop faking when i m having a flash back mom come back electric boogaloo nobody care about how i feel all i do is work work work all day even now i had to lie to dad that i m working in my room to write this my sister fat shame me my dad tell me his grandma had it worse holocaust survivor my nena guilt me into saying i m fine and doing more all dad care about are grade my brother is never there my friend only care about themselves and say they have it worse i just want the pain to stop please i just want it to end i m in constant pain my life is hell and i m in so much pain breathing hurt and there is nothing the doctor can do