want diei really see point living anymore im going spend rest life alone friendless ill go work day put good face keep moving career along  career im really suited  go home empty house waste time fall asleep friends see regularly long distance friends live parents im looking houses right thats do financially responsible thing think could live another year parents im waste space resources theres point alive anymore im disappointment parents even admit themselves im burden world even want risk passing fucked brain chemistry children probably have ive tried exerciise that helped bit ended back here something everything  choices actions  pretty much determined genetics past im pretty much doomed fail time might try get healthy eeod im lost cause ive watching reading lot horror stuff lately guess because kind wish could get killed monster ghost whatever itd make things easier probably easier family too im probably going kill weeks maybe sleeping pills itd kind nice go sleep never wake up im sorry friends family deal awkward annoying depressing alloftheabove bullshit me im sorry mom amp dad im sorry ali  good friends good family ok without me probably better even never even nice except big sister college sorry incoherent ramblings im halfasleep moment im going try get rest another week work