think im alive love sona bunch shit happened recently past year half actually one thing another something big happened october weeks ago something big happened again last week worst all first time life im depressed anxious bad things happening feel nothing nothing all ive felt happier guess upbeat most part think thats know wont make much longer know cant keep going energy to want stop everything think didnt young child id already done it hes thats getting through im hard time believing hes benefitting anyway thats time get sad think im failing whether im not ive always struggled mental health part cared much future success family wouldnt gone killing self dont care anything really except love son hope even go eventually knows hard tried him