give upi know normal people it just smile keep living get throguh tough situations barely trauma it im ashamed way feel mental problems wish never born least one severeal redflag attemps would worked couldve prevented hurting people making life worse ive tried getting help life ive hospitalized like  times since  ive seen therapiste psychatrists either call names completely ignore everything say know me many people manage overcome mental illnesses get good professional help cant find one decent fucking doctor keep getting shit everyone openly suicidal everyone knows want kill ive tried reaching people get shut ignored people say care act like it swear god finally kill theyre gonna come running obituary saying wish couldve helped cared much missed fucking hurtful thing need stay alive people tell things now know need help know im going kill yet one says word me soon die everyone magically start care bullshit cant care now cant anyone help now dont know soon im exhausted tired all fight every day day fucking keep breathing miserable stupid fucking life one wants in