living actively drain care aboutme alive draining care about disappoint let down drag me generally cause difficulties anytime ive wanted change improve myself always past point could solved things always realize error ways far late keeps hurting people care about many small mental issues yet single fucking one excuses plethora issues must fundamental level bad person yet cant even obviously bad person im ensnaring disappointment grinds away good will brings worst people unfair them nothing going beside typical things people say someone nothing tangible give career future ever seem motivation suppose must coddled much child work ethic im already  cant seem functional adult leech others slowly cause resentment alive first place dead single ounce real care around me brains would painting wall could motivated even god damn second could turn arm fleshly red ribbons save everyone time im much coward try again