when i tried to km the second time what stopped me wa a terror unlike anything i have felt before i ve been planning an overdose for a while now and just planning it out ha brought that feeling right back to me i feel butterfly in my stomach and my heart racing and i know if i were to grab my med crush them up and went to take them i wouldn t be able to fight this terror i ve been told before that that just mean that somewhere deep inside you you want to live but i disagree this feel like basic primal instinct it s so hard to just say do x and then all of your perception will end that s not something you can just do yet people have i want to do this but i don t know how to prepare for this terror i remember when i backed out of my second attempt i kept on saying to myself nothing can prepare you for that i can plan and prepare all i want but taking an action that self destructive is incredibly difficult especially when you have a realistic fear of not dying and being left severely injured i m terrified and i don t know what to do anymore it seems like the best option but it s so cruel that it just ha to be so difficult dying shouldn t be too much to ask for yet absolutely everything fight against you i hate this so incredibly much this is hell