looking respect decisionhi im trying really hard rationalise please bare here always struggled confrontation asserting personality others means shy surface introverted naturally first met boyfriend similarly pessimistic position lives bit stuck wanting slog hopefully journey relative happiness propped around  years actually i think quite healthy supportive way love so much truly believe unique connection couldnt find anyone else lot deep understandings world him although loves me doesnt believe idea one true love never another woman believes himself though medical diagnosis perhaps autism spectrum struggle emotionally driven trains thought attracted initially never conducted bull relationship politics beginning relationship always hated men dated previously that treatment pure honest recently noticed really trying upheave life get rid bad habits has came close tonight ending think underlying feelings came sure characteristics wants lifelong partner although loves me understand approach life must make things hard him problem loves leave despite stressing would always support regardless already faced rough times short relationship  years family deaths horrible job situations uprooted moved  hours away family live him etc want soar holding back choice loves much make sacrifice himself love enough that know isolate continue live fight get back part thinks doesnt want alone also feel strongly deciding die general watched father die painful spinal cancer around  years ago want experience mental anguish inability decide fate want come terms mortality pace help it think around time start processing that view end life year end april end goal could reach  one final birthday everyone love want gradually say goodbye way everyone peace it want meaningful conversations little cousins occur naturally instil bit wisdom learn short life function bit hope know gone life cruel experiences chew spit nothing left self want live for would never want anyone hurt inside like must right thing definitely going this question please dont leave messages trying convince otherwise amazing seeking respect decision would best help support wonderful community could receive know lot understand understanding rare need contentedly go rather angrily funeral fund set aside cover costs letter instruction written brother law funeral director scared die hope loved ones understand wish could see future know love cared for certain kick needs become person wants years come happier this p reading this know grateful love everything done me brilliant rooting hard next life one shared xxx