helpwhen born put nicu i think thats called couple weeks released sent house around three months father supposedly shook me thats mother told me growing hard anything one kids didnt friends wasnt junior high mother told happened younger father rushed emergency room shunt placed inside me many surgeries graduated college stay house feelings come back ive always thoughts head saying things like drove truck bridge something similar sister kid father tries gentle him know im supposed hate him always start thinking couldnt treated way get feelings im wanted would person look something like that made promise ever buy right gun try make pain go away