getting closeer time years later one wife three kids disabled  plus years loveless marriage kids really much tried give could riddled health issues lost house almost died blood clots sure wished would of much explain enough energy care bother afraid end trying tell wife going kill seem think serious afraid use gun want mess vegetable building courage hoping either get sign life get better kidding year goes gets worse doctors taking away pain meds chronic pain slowly surely way young going much sister killed mom handle gone killed dad gave loss pile shit within  years died one one younger brother disowned me guess family give end would much easier kids older get less shown really much gotten little easier get final push done all tried reach family seems like take seriously cry help sound projected hear one day end