playing deathfor ive suicidal thoughts become increasingly overwhelming one point went hospital overdose attempt recently ive noticed walk roads thoughts like im going cross road without stopping looking ahead get run hopefully ends dont im somewhat lucky therapist told mindset little like playing russian roulette selfish playing death redflag end pain something long for way itd method control one thing life since im selfless every respect try things other others mind im sure im going end things soon not time part knows things live cant help wanting cut life short im exhausted whole therapist thing ive seen  pretty much lost count prescribed lexapro prozac seroquel point medication seems pointless professional professional tries still cannot help me whos say anyone else will dont see change happening life anytime soon sit watch everything go by suffer try fix peoples problems instead own