need serious help soonim giving treatment everyone says hope help eventually person runs options feel different started tell person really wants help havent im sure inability causes suffer suffering higher importance theirs causing suffering getting relieved fair im going slowly withdraw world clearly help medical field ive two psychiatrists  therapists ive  appointments current psychiatrist  different meds id say  meds wanna run risk sounding like im exaggerating feelings cant defined explained therefore cant helped able put words im feeling anyone know people around feel like people around take  pills day still feel incredibly hopeless take xanax lorazepam drink almost every night spend  per week weeddabs know rare cant helped ive seen top doctors area excruciatingly guiltproducing since know much parents worry much spend afford fine feel like monetary equivalent specialneeds kid im  live home commuting great college apply medical leave absence freshman year reasons suicidal time reached breaking point let know expand anything read above also please let know breaking rules kind wrote frenzy desperation try post throwaway similar last  serious posts account got response maybe long people read input helps next move mostly stay bed bath im still open try couple things call quits