let tell story want end life right nowi honestly know kind catharsis expect feel posting suicidal ideation reddit lets go guess life fine fact given current state world fine im financially stable job tolerate family loves me got going me still want kill myself problems selfimposed dropped college due severe anxiety such associates broke one person truly loved years ago never gotten it cause instigating breakup fault well cant even muster effort cook myself takeout here feel like best years behind im better cutting losses heading oblivion feel anything anymore said still think ive properly described feel way feel difficult put words imagine will every action world take waking morning going shitter energy cost pay every time it biologically actually right takes calories anything well feels like me costs three four times costs someone else anything this im tired time oversleep usually range  hours ive slept  hours before thing keeps taking pills morning one similar nature adderal ive always weird relationship sleep year half ago things never felt bad never felt drained time ive always difficulty motivating things feels like ugh dishes taken kind twisted extreme dad killed teenager brother tried shortly after genes fucked im honestly tired fighting them to cant mom brother newly born nephew guess posting go back cycle sleeping going work without much inbetween guess tldr heres nice numbered list reasons want kill myself guess enough care lazy people want read full thing mostly spirit animal  past relationship stuff  academic failure  narcolepsy maybe  suicidal ideation runs family oh im actually going kill like said one paragraphs got many people care that fortunately unfortunately make call