dont understand parents cursed gift lifei never asked this never asked born especially birth defects abuse bullying school tried kill  times ran home  full hope got crushed again got relationship lasted  years im stuck ex shows signs abuse threatens kill move out cant even get proper job got hospitalised nearly  years  never chance finish high school people close but wouldnt call friends insisted would get job knew wouldnt got hopes nothing older get worse gets diagnosed cptsdadhdi combo never treated tried get help therapist went turned huge asshole cares money sometimes im starting think dont even know talk people anymore ive used abandoned generally hurt almost everyone met life never chance normal ill never be im sick it im sick everything meaningless life never gets better people keep lying will never does matter much work put it  days left th birthday im going make sure mark th time ill actually succeed