ive always thought inevitable way seems creeping closeri quit job january schedule environment made depressed thought thats life is cant worth doing time economy trouble job market begin made feel like crappy job probably best life ever going me im special life surely owes nothing think deserve exist way would make happy ive worked hard try work out meaningful degree meaningful university cant even get emails back bank teller positions rejection specifically hard issue father man refer father rejected whole adolescence found  im likely product rape explained lot things still hearing dad say thought someone elses kid something ive never able get over ive ever tried get approval quit things loved young things like ive ever done sometimes wonder underneath all seems series failed attempts win fathers love think moment every day decade sometimes like im still right living room ampxb get rejection emails phone calls difficult dealing rejection world getting harder harder feel like ive already given much can googled cheapest way commit redflag today hard even get sad now life feels done