feel like im hellprior year  burning problems optimism  motivation hope  quarantine started back march  mental started deteriorate stuck inside four walls bedroom first month  kinda fun relax chill  watch tv  play games etc get bored  brain starts unearth pain trauma u put deepest depths subconscious realised alone  realised nobody loves  realised relationships ive exs lust n love  realised friendships never authentic  realised died today person would keep connected world mother n isnt well suffer hidradenitis suppurativa  body constant pain  theres cure everyday rest life put burning sensation way since   sitting painfull sometimes cant even get bed  wonder whats point living way  cant even take shirt swim wear certain clothes stings dont emotions left  want cry try cope heart cold wont let me feel like hit brick wall every time try  thought death went something used scare something gives inner peace  dont know something look forward to try tell people feel always response  get better im sure turnt  pain aslong remember used hold onto hope thinking people go pain find joy later life  used optimistic thinking good deeds karma good thats life works  dont really know typed feel like life im like red rose wilted  feel like everyday earth hell death doesnt phase me dont want live keep going mother  im sure