planning end near futureim usually type make harsh decisions due emotions anything like that ive really depressed since child soon afterwards suicidal reason taken action fear hurting family entire life ive struggling life amp myself see failure cant seem improve myself im usually real optimistic lifeenjoying person maybe thats think im trying seem always put happy mask im alone give everyone much love can never myself things ive loved life cant seem enjoy anymore feel pain regret look mirror achieved done life know leaving world leave people devastated would like think make selfish choice ive watched every motivational video therapist etc every thing heardseen told ages ago nothing really helps lowers feeling just quit anyone experienced anything similar amp got better honestly know do