lonely feel useless whats pointnot sure start here found today ive weighing options head kill try get help seem feasible me part thinks get help going make fit anywhere suddenly make people like months cant see change life significantly im living city adore moved country five years ago city nearly year it however feels city thing have family here people never stay friends year best know cant take odd moods when let guard depression anxiety is im girl im gay ive proper relationship dated girl  months two years ago broke off really probably best never would worked ive fallen couple girls since then initially liking me decide dont one closest i use term loosely friend one girl time last year staying place instead travelling work incredibly happy several considered dates things going great im quite sure even wants friends me could tell becoming distant earlier year march told felt got youre amazing person but im sick people give shit telling im amazing disappearing life hear family much family have used speak dad skype time however life changed new partner years ago months go without us speaking place feel needed work also socialising know good thing like people work time even always enjoy work itself outside work feel existence pointless im important necessary part anybody elses life think dying think people would eventually notice would work think every makes sad im overweight incredibly enough im comfortable doctor told lose weight ive tried dieting made hungry tried going gym got bored it im thinking trying couch k dunno arsed junk food vice drink smoke drugs instead ill junk food seems much simpler end it though im sure go it stand rail platform want either jump rails electrocuted front train pulls in think jumping infront traffic think drowning river tried actually anything since teenager tried choke several times span couple years would feel terrified afterwards thought maybe trying cbt ive read help depression anxiety get really anxious nervous social situations point leave cry  hyperventilate outside event tonight thought id enjoy didnt aware person made uncomfortable situations im fine own otherwise id never go anywhere anything thats usually things everyone else mostly well were really expected socialise gigs walks lectures stuff like that antidepressants couple years now dosage halved months ago thought feeling better im thinking ill need revers continue on want find peace hurt anymore apologies cohesive lot thoughts head share somehow someone