crashingits getting point cant hold together anymore ive high functioning years becoming much reason ive lived long want hurt loved ones getting point cant even take care anymore ive become adult infant brain fucked up sure im really lucky people love me honestly makes feel shittier long run feeling miserable do ive really good putting mask long starting crumble motivation get better point honestly get point enough freedom make death look like accident want anyone think anything could done save me want spend last time making everyone feel loved special want donate things need create inspiring story travel healing helping others gathering community want death traumatic others want hearts full happy memories want feel loved cared for tired confined physical body tired hurting badly feel defected maybe trauma maybe drugs ive done cope maybe is feel completely drained deteriorated know keep going anymore cant even think work without panic attack physical symptoms anxiety causing basically bedridden im broke fuck taking parents resources love want help feel far past level able ever get better continues cycle feeling shitty feel powerless