really living guess still alivemy mind undersand killing now instead waiting years parents cant work motivation keep living would rather dead waiting time kill gets boring makes people think want live need kill myself try die instead pass time things really want do keep mind occupied whats point going kill anyways made decision years ago changed mind since then stacking benzos antiemetics future redflag attemp hopefully attempt really get people choose live care it gets better want it seem able make final choice many things could go wrong fuck