dont want live anymorehello im struggling suicidal thoughts feel alone lot mean friends guess kinda consider acquaintances manly  people close im band with ex true friend feel like people dont relate too im  years old smoke drink lot manly numb world around me dont get wrong love enjoy beer find drinking much work good job im unhappy working midnights midnights years cant get better shift im it hardly ever sleep maybe   hours day really gets years it girlfriend argument something fucking stupid usual ended relationship stress time fight freaked out regret dearly said really mean things hate it would constantly argue everything seems would make feel like cant anything right love much miss im trying hold together stress life routine gets me hate myself hate job hate sleeping hate world sometimes evil ways ive held  head several times cant get pull trigger dont know anymore feel empty inside work  hours ive sense pm yesterday slept  hours yesterday life sucks dont know even talking this guess feels somewhat good get chest makes hate wanting fucked sounds first time ive thought though sat gun hand desire hurt anyone myself sucks ive smoked entirely many cigarettes typing dont even post probably try lay keep thinking ending it im broken dont know fix myself