im pathetici turned  entered st year highschool days ago depression dysphoria anxiety pretty bearable  months holidays come back one crippling anxiety prevents building meaningful relationships friendships either forced faked sake someone talk school ended shortly horribly hate people area cant form relations online due brave enough say something group chat like public discord cycle responding gt guilt gt responding manage talk someone also feel like never say right thing burden everyone includes family my mom got huge fight grandma stay touch even mention third family also strangers such people staying behind queue shop would finished shopping earlier there im also trans guy misgendered really hurts cant really avoid like summer parents overprotective generally feel powerless strengthens get it hopelessness example moms telling serious cleaning reorginising room least month ive done maybe fifth whole thing time keeps telling day shell come herself pressuring fear even invasion privacy make stressed prevent able even think mess room without breakdown passions pursue hobbies except browsing reddit watching youtube sometimes playing nintendo activities enable think real life idea want life tried following do want fun plan worked free time school makes impossible anything think future worry ill doing im lazy posts like rgetmotivated sadden im unable things like people do school subject enjoy english im european second language even felt proud passed cae test june remembered  years probably need translators anyways thing im good used around wizz kid fell grace fell hard mentioned thing im kind good languages love failing learn literally anything  years german middle school attemting teach italian using online resources month getting lazy giving up feel like failure potential never used someone could great goddamn lazy everyones something im avoiding work schools started new teachers new expectations soon start giving pop quizes asking questions answer live front whole class grade i forgot called english used enjoy going therapist someone talk recently ive started lie omitiom stuff understanding trans thoughts defend opinions ive avoiding certaun subjects wishing time go faster meetings makes feel guilty parents paying even though also get pocket money generally feel like deserve lot things ive got makes feel guilty anxious even know im way calm listen bob ross hells sake think world would better never born