i don t get it i ve know i have a future i know have a route but i don t see the point anymore no matter what i do it s never enough for the people around me family friend even myself no matter what i do i feel like i m always doing it wrong i have severe social anxiety and i m too scared to reach out to anyone close to me i know they ll just turn their back like they always do everyday i have to put on a mask and pretend like everything is okay i don t want to put it on anymore i don t want anyone to feel sorry for me i don t want to cause that stress in anyone but myself my mind is so fucked up that i don t even know what s wrong with me anymore all i know is that something is i ve kept all my emotion bottled up for year i m too numb to feel anything anymore i can t remember the last time i felt legitimate happiness the only thing i feel at this point are physical besides stress shame and a crippling caffeine addiction it s so bad that i m taking at least 000mg a day at this point at this point i just have a bottle of mixed medication at my bedside that i stare at every night and each day i feel myself moving closer to downing them all this is my last call i don t know what else to do