everything getting down im loss for everythingthe first thing probably explain is im  probably somewhat pertinent struggle recall period time greater  weeks everything ranging stuff sucks im really sick this want die thoughts even redflag attempts tldr is im love girl reciprocate it cant finish anything start hobby education hate feeling like constant stream failure toward father greatest man ever met matter much want success make proud always fuck things up always ive avoiding contact last  months this hate fact im overweight really try lose weight struggle back second point never seem finish anything start hate way get jealous smallest things really see point around anymore im burned upon friends family even people even met like government whore subsidising education which ive broken again im even sure im posting ive erased rewritten post several times now know im trying say anymore last day haze me recall vague parts day theyre usually worst things like cutting fact ive taken smoking even though find disgusting mind mess