want existi want die want happy feels impossible do cant remember last time honestly deserve be want normal want normal things friends cant matter much try wish never born keep living want hurt family im complete mess heads mess lifes mess ive fucked everything up cant get job money im struggling college cant even afford get college anymore walk  hours day get there im physically mentally exhausted ive started self harming again body already covered scars im ashamed become wish someone could hold tell everything okay theres one im alone hurting badly know anymore im scared ask help im control all deserve help anyways sorry rant