hell dohello taken time gather well read subreddit else post brink want more however deserve depressed happy life want die makes feel worse comes story life one mildly popular guys never belonged elite popular neither ever feel lack friends neither search friend short friends always given me even friends expressed jealousy all smarts always top grades school yet friends among cool kids always girls however half year ago started feel like shit went trip girlfriend went cuba vacation could afford worked travel industry could get cheep tickets way there flight started feel extremely nauseous bordering unbearable nausea  minutes landing pulled through arrived feel better nausea kept albeit diminishing rate days felt fine back home sweden felt almost fine would start bouts nausea work would sometimes result go home work this saw option go doctor doctor told expressed seemed like nothing stress accepted diagnosis time stressed out masters thesis work time decided wait things out eventually master thesis finished passed work deal with nausea never ended one time girlfriend went south sweden go party would normally entail two hours train whatever fuckup train cancelled go bus took extremely ill busride time thought common motion sickness never life previously motion sick grew boats cars suffer motion sickness nevertheless ascribed sickness motion sickness fell ill two weeks luckily caught ride car back home town horrible better bus ride back home get better finally started think ailment psychosomatic would frequently bouts describe anxiety doctor prescribed hydroxine me helped momentarily write feel fine relationship girlfriend finally ended went semester abroad felt nothing relief could finally focus self longer think of contend failure relationship due constant depression leaving supposed go couldnt heres bad part single ive extremely successful ive constantly girls ive slept around even offers long term relationships yet never happy extremely unhappy extremely unhappy write throwaway one friends happen upon post easily identify circumstances point is extremely unhappy return home offered sleep girl yet still want to seriously believe related former relationship simply want live more severely depressed suffer random bouts nausea anxiety personally subscribe wholly something psychosomatic still much aware fact deserve unhappy everything going me great education girls throw feet yet whatever happens want die return tonight night town resulted least two offers coitus want die always want die usually suicidal wish end life wish die tonight something different think met old crush mine failure ever get got me never less tonight first time ever wanted end life fully aware text nothing convince people even depressed problem fucking depressed and fact know makes things worse hate depressed think man up thinks everyone ive told troubles work fucking depressed first time ever want end all cried know why want die want die badly painlessly tldr reason want so hate want die please rredflagwatch feel like do cry thought stepping onto plane want end all want kill self now end all want feel better speak rather going bridge realise deserve unhappy am please help me