feel like redflag pervasive thought mindhi im female im constantly thinking much easier dying would life life many expectations pressures work  hospo jobs final semester uni feel though direction sure average reading writing analytical skills average look jobs online theres always skill im missing good enough at feel like im average everything skills music sing write songs even good theyre average im meant achieving something feel stupid time even im slightly good something never good enough im friends someone never lasts long fuck start rumours ignore like friend feel stop friend makes feel like even like person looks let get close in sense spend lot time together im lonely end leaving anyway recently happened guy close  months straight want relationship start tried gave up friendship worth kept ignoring me proper boyfriend either im seeing guy ive seen  years still love know end together told that friends become people actively avoid else ill feel even shit myself family distant really feel like one cares ive stopped feeling like friends boyfriend kind future ampxb also really short attention span hinders academic abilities great deal want working stuff care im losing interest things used love every day feels exhausting ampxb really know post become attempted redflag three times past years time take enough pills kill myself want sleep wake im tired thinking feeling me someone please offer advice life worth living not