know take anymorei moved large city small city lived midwest nothing gone right since ive moved here found partner cheated me lost money job thankfully partner feels guilty hes let live apartment without contribution part hardly get bed havent met single person since ive moved here ive gained  lbs ptsd managed therapy medication havent found therapist psychiatrist ive never poor ive never inconsolably depressed ive never lonely spend hrs day myself think killing constantly cant move back nowhere else go dont know do thing is nothing new ive spent life emotional pain therapy works little bit meds dull pain still spend days stuck bed still cry time even im best im waiting break again life maintenance hobbies anymore hardly read book lost friends traumatic experience ive labeled liar peers moved get away experience nothing hold here exist head think dying time first time wanted kill  years old want thoughts stop want hobbies dreams goals years since ive felt true happiness every day get closer closer feel inevitable end think killing myself think beautiful would make it would turn ritual even something end life least last moments would enjoyable im getting better im old live like anymore