today twentieth birthday know live see thirtieththe following post going compilation petulant unimportant first word problems whining form incoherent hyperbolic rambling so want help someone actual issues que leave even blame you wouldnt you nothing least bit likeable memorable even fucking worthwhile everything existence nothing one giant mistake never made first place know truth myself see strangers people know look me everything see look mirror see worthless useless creature looking back mirror absolutely worth value whatsoever every time look mirror see creature absolute waste ill made spiteful indolent insolent talentless waste space tried long pretend otherwise truth am someone devoid anything least bit unique worthwhile semigood aspects already present every person earth barely merit mentioning lazy greedy spiteful toxic waste space complete lack actual humanity worst part know never change matter tiny minuscule changes could possibly make same sad void emptiness always been fixed abomination change all actually got live for friends cant make friends never capable making friends used think could once used people hung around thought got along high school that obligation pay attention one else obligation around either found easily disposable trash am shouldnt discovered eventually aside thoroughly uncharismatic unlikeable bore im naturally vile toxic person person spent extended period time able tell worth time trouble means dont blame people used hang around deserting me good people one right mind would ever want around me never good enough them exception one online friend talk me sporadic occasions pity never get better that family extended branches family could care less live die know uncle thought something wrong time two though turned correct aunt would put false smiles around cover fact annoying person ever seen theres grandfather actively despises me though tries cover too hardest someone always respected loved hear things thought broke me course also helped see truth much clearer borne fact never ever voluntarily talk me would they would want even acknowledge lazy dull emotionless disappointment human nothing worthless empty meaningless life must wonder exactly cursed relation mongrel parents though abortion had mum least capacity pretend im autistic worst mistake ever happened her dad well im almost certain hes biological father making bastard every sense word hes never felt shy expressing disgusted me criticising every act every tiny mistake lectures last hour long regaling every problem loser son is though even stopped recently gave even trying get improve dont blame him everyone around testament standup guy naturally likeable many people disappointment return know wishes nephew place hell always proud me see every time look me every time fuck way cause ive ever make proud good grades overhype like greatest achievement ever achievement fuck up real feelings come see eyes know see fat degenerate waste space would never time hadnt made monumental mistake unleashing world crowing embarrassment lives wonder every day karma universe punishing whatever deeds heinous decided offspring youve probably guessed ive never abused neglected anything serious like that perfectly good upbringing still turned like pathetic useless loser youd blind ashamed obvious black sheep family am love thats funniest thing ive heard year funny woman would actually deranged enough look actually want spend unpleasant bumbling conversation me let alone majority life im funny talented charming charismatic cool clever attribute least bit attractive anyone circumstances thats biggest fucking disgrace all never loved ill never know like hold persons hand while let alone close someone feel like person world worth around ill never get married father life amount anything whatsoever dont even look possibility look people relationships like people look millionaire lifestyles oh itd nice understand never will trudge along empty useless life alone even fucking miracle someone actually want relationship me wouldnt last long wouldnt able handle cheated course would be maybe would make enough depressed wreck actually give confidence finally pull fucking trigger know thats likely one would ever want stay me nothing inspires least bit loyalty someone ive never fantasied flirted with one ever wanted share moment me one ever cause so even idea actually kind relationship laughable insulting never ever happen could it one single aspect miserable creature like anyone could ever find endearing especially funny consider socially inept retard high school looking way guys behaved dismissing loud obnoxious childish ones relationships always loser realise retrospect actually lively energetic fun around people drawn good times drank partied played sports thought even years werent that would find real relationship years later patience paid off course never going happen dull bore ones fantasy still take small comfort fact make lives countless women happy every single day them someone actually cursed enough stuck me lives would much worse contrast honestly reasons like make ok living dying virgin used something really bothered me now now abundantly clear impossible ever get close that ugly unpleasant face doesnt turn someone off repulsive grotesque body will sight anyone would ever want lives even im shower im disgusted have thats even taking account microdick final nail coffin ensuring never ever circumstances able enjoy experience someone special ever doesnt bother much anymore finally realised never possible never possible fat ugly loser scale ever even get close that embrace ugly sin inside well outside perhaps ill able let go relationships one thing work it kind employment ive volunteering discovered antisocial unlikeable am perhaps might fine actually worthwhile talents attributes strengths make stand out dont guess im pretty eloquent mediocre writer well possessing measure intelligence what plan future drive passion fucking anything used play idea journalist writer could be im nowhere near articulate talented clever enough actually make field like have im stem student im athletic discernible hobbies beyond crappy fanfic writing im even studying fucking history degree worth thats going have least high school felt happy work like essays amounting building something never were way waste life away end shitty dead end job want kill even already thats even possible dont end unemployed years little sister already recognises im loser  surpasses every field every attribute parents dedicated ensuring dont get another me one fuckup would enough couldnt cope two still least look forward tombstone significant thing ever accomplish lifeif im tossed ditch forgotten like diseased wretch actually am it summary twenty years miserable worthless useless spineless lazy indolent pathetic insignificant waste space alive planet know worst thing is fucking nerve complain it another fucking thing wrong cant anything fix it comfortable moderately wealthy lifestyle comes actual serious issues dont want anything feel completely worthless overall incompetent fucking reason to able fix miniscule problems completely incapable even would point would point ever holding hope anything ever changing me wont wont ever pathetic nothing wrong life grotesque failure completely incapable even basic requirements functioning human being used believe nice good person held back shy anxious lie lie told myself never that ugly inside outside used hope one day someone might take pity see hidden beauty inside one else could life would begin get better course would actually require hidden beauty isnt theres never been still remember like day life changed asked people thought friends wanted hang summer one ever responded one one ignored shunted ghosted first thought really driven home me finally realised completely utterly alone actually world realised made one single friend wanted spend time whatsoever started cry like pathetic little weasel was ive cried least every day since did looked mirror still weeping must hour saw die saw person used die sure wasnt best company sarcastic sly quirky generally happy person enjoyed life mostly looked eyes watched peel away emptiness inside replaced hes dead occupy corpse empty void nothing person one wants around wishes gone find courage maybe world favour kill corpse way killed personality doubt that addition everything else im coward theres really point discussion there theres nothing it would fruitless waste even try think cure none exists hope way living disease kill one day lived two decades one term that know nothing show point disputing fact wont survive see third reach conclusion would look forward to know when finally push edge one day ill look mirror final time able take anymore cant liked wont loved could never mourned could ever believe differently bother charade cant cut pretence life done it rid world stain upon finally done it cowardice alone fucking stupid actually think might miss something die still nave wish could find resolve done it yeah happy th birthday me guess many have wonder