advice intrusive thoughtshi m cutting it intrusive thoughts redflag days week kind creep thought process ill sitting desk work get daydreams walking door traffic example another example picturing driving sunset throwing severn bridge ill good time friends switch picture drowning cant stop it understand keeps happening someone suffered depression growing stressful disruptive childhood thats behind became fully independent moved messed childhood home  trying really invest ever since  socially friendships trying online dating not really gone anywhere serious economically im training low level lawyer personally taking music trying read more still struggle combat background feeling vapid apathy alive  got better since becoming independent feel like im treading water mental health wise words wisdom would appreciated