goes againthe past week tough depression kicking again lifelong issue tend coast okay fall again started tell people im struggling keeping casualnoninvasive trouble sleeping feeling fragile rather low selfdestructive actually feel tomorrow appt support worker see occasionally hope talking help change appointments occasional frequent help learned past warning signs look for almost every time hits bad start clinging selfhate seeing hope despite knowing ive done got it start feel like every suicidal moment leading current moment chance fulfill im desperate achieve know get til tomorrow start reaching getting help still worried feel strongly feel it despise myself feel need run escape cant escape myself recently trying sleep battle hours  die live hard deal thoughts feelings anyone relate anything stop thinking im going try take prn medication listen podcasts hope sleep eventually