til dont think actually get helpi went psychiatrist didnt get diagnosed straight told depression anxiety followed saying really suicidal im going put inpatient care make sure safe pretty much asked things looked made realize suicidal pretty much scared actually admitting want need help lied said plans future tell everyone else cant even get meds bc im  shits going get worse cant get anything done bc sleep dont sleep cant get anything done bc procrastinate cant even finish single load laundry start everything never finish im always deep back out make friends never actually get close them im pretty sure accidentally lead people avoid friendship bc everything going get weird awkward like last year actually told two friends thought comfortable talking bc would listen abt really suicidal beginning year as changed better dont acknowledge talk essentially summarize said oh feel like got used lying faking im thinking killing every waking moment crying sleep sleeping chance get bc better way cope cant actually open person problems tldr talking psychiatristfriends made paranoid made lying norm im afraid actually getting help