hey reddit this may be long and just me talking about random shit but i just feel like it would make me feel better so a you guy saw it wa my th birthday today and today wa probably one of the shittier day i have my best friend had a pretty bad panic attack today and i chilled with him to comfort him but it made me kinda realize how lonely i am i have friend and a loving family but i just feel deep and dark loneliness during most day i can kinda just ignore it and have mediocre day but most day like today i just think about it i don t want to make it a big deal because my friend is going through some tuff shit right now and i need to help him a much a i can but i just feel like laying down and doing nothing for a while obviously i can t do that with all the homework and exam coming up but i just don t know what to do like i wa saying earlier i just feel so empty when i m by myself and sometimes i feel like a have no personality i feel like people only like being around me when i m high because i m a lot more talkative and just more enjoyable to be around i don t know it s hard for me to talk to people about it because i feel like they might just blow it off or something and my friend deserves all the attention i just feel bad that i m feeling bad if that make sense like my friend is hurting and i feel bad that i feel so empty i m starting to think that life won t have a lot to offer for me i m not suicidal or anything but i wouldn t mind just like disappearing and just chilling on the top of a mountain or something like that i m sorry that this is so long i just feel really empty and it s my birthday i feel bad that i can t be happy for my parent i love them so much and i wish they knew how much i do but i m just feeling really exhausted all the time i don t know sorry if i selfish in this post i don t mean to i just feel really empty when i can think clearly almost like i built my personality around being with people thanks for listening whoever read this it really mean a lot to me