one talk toi really friends say care let know im down im fucking time im tired around time surely want either ive burned people guess ever fully believe say care im messed weak needy go on ive thought calling someone  am everyone asleep want talk anyway dead feel way one would worry helping me feel like im holding people back get enjoyment life logical basis assume things get better things magically change im going wake happy ill change myself highly unlikely happen ive pretty much known id end life now finding right moment plan everything seems painful od unlikely work without stronger meds hanging cutting suffocating seem painful gun would quick gun want leave gruesome scene someone find either want check out fall asleep never wake up im sorry feel way cant take anxiety self hatred fear sadness anymore nothing look forward to want someone notice me friends ask im say couldnt happier assume mean i happy really i physically incapable happy childish cant seem bring tell person feel easier tell strangers internet wish born closest friends really care cant anything disclosing change anything ultimately comes back me choose happy actively work towards it ive tried think happy