breaking pointi know else put this know cant keep inside anymore cant confess anyone knows me way finding me got back college today ive never felt sick worst semester ive ever had im sophomore drop course altogether halfway through im gonna take summer course make it since counts towards major resultingly pass classes semester still considered full time student live campus next semester think ive done im almost entirely convinced havent ive gone math either one two classes failed entirely cant even sure attended ones class take midterm probably didnt options point everything revolved around going college embarrassing performance breaking point cant explain try harder always slacked attend classes excuses need full time tuition paid otherwise cant afford it ill also kicked insurance able afford medication thats kept longtime illness flaring up last time done made drop  pounds goals beyond college pathways avenues ambitions college everything pin holding everything together road future have if when grades come back options cant even look parents cant talk them would destroy completely would options left ive always lagged behind siblings final nail coffin cant overstate much college mattered much fucking joke let slip past like this ive considered redflag long time first time felt immediate physical feels like wall pressed me fills feeling dragged doctors kid feel like reasonable avenue me cant succeed single bare bones thing future depended on kind person i kind future would lead ive done nothing bring unnecessary stress financial pain family ive never felt like before claustrophobic anxious burning sensation chest numbness jaw shaking hand ive never felt trapped skin theres way out think reasonable ways go this methods ensure success ive failed many things im terrified thisll another ill live family knowing alongside failures person never amounted anything wasted money failed redflag im afraid even posting this instinctively nervous someone seeing something embarrassing low cant even fucking listen music watch funny video without feeling guilty sick inside feel like death necessary urgent every time think it remember blame end always me