today second time past six months put together tools end life ate potatohow fucking stupid that thoughts still there nothing done logic reasoning continues lead want end it sat tools planned methods redflag notes making sure loved ones find first even finding method leave mostly unmutilated corpse figured want go empty stomach hours later sit still here think hate nearly thirty years dealing facets make me well me powerless continue find changing them get wrong know motivations difference nice person asshole pretending nice person year right two decades shortage methods facades put parade function normal human adult developed ive started therapy actually seems going somewhere yet sit medication control little episodes also seem jack shit moment though truly honestly felt like whole person ones surprise fallen love importantly let fall love someone broke off really really try hold gained but well sometimes surrounded wrong kind people almost year half later remain completely shattered constantly questioning people try help me paradoxically feeling painfully alone unable share pain also good bit self inflicted social isolation sucks whole fucking lot lived extrovert whole life naturally kind trust issues added bonus honestly cant figure whether feel valid feel begin with communication takes pretty big fucking hit lost job thanks one almost four years pissed drain skewered relationships bonus and well put spot want end life get talked eating fucking potato see im lucky next time rears retarded head