ready give upwell make qualms  wanted die  nay dying solution problem minda started look fastest less painful ways wanted shot hang myself fantasized many ways dying  throwing tall building  hanging electricalpole  thought done  nothing else offer suffering overwhelming ever present comfortable sleeping  woke suffered either anedhonia profound sadness deepest depression life  ready meet maker  fear death hungered it lusted  wanted much met wonderful person  person brought life life  person made feel special wanted needed  person told i love you  person told awesome meant world person everything common  make fell good happy  together feel anything confidence fortitude lacked fell happy life food thought guys  killed wound felt happiness warmth  feel found soul mate sometimes dont deny future happiness  deserve it