wanted die long period life truth actually terrified die think tell want die make think afraid deathim really sure  constantly need around others give sort insight order feel like myself really idea could tell like like constantly anxious  scared  worried  sad always tell people okayi tell people okay feel deserve empathy sorrow zero confidence myself usually end quitting job think good enough work even deserve make money take care myself addicted nicotine  alcohol adult films internet necessarily really know actually feeling time sometimes think actually awake alive even broke ex thought deserved better hate alone like alone be dream mine since kid known  sort legacy honestly think ever achieve that tell people believe god actually think worthy god struggling identity crisis zero motivation solve problem constantly unmotivated comes things good  bad stop nothing get it put shitty situations like pain think deserve constantly seek affirmation others really want feel comfortable mind body molested five years old adhdi afraid die  people forget within couple days things dying get chest