feel like thisi really even know say here ive never posted something like before know long post be sorry advance gets long thoughts also pretty jumbled right now sorry seems like im rambling structure post well so go feel guess im  years old never good thing called life life never terribly bad beat molested no nothing like that never good life ive dreams goals never made come true get wrong im pretty smart guy im quitter feel like putting forth effort really like outdoors fishing hiking camping make feel good times im even going college environmental sciences next year well maybe know ill make long even going school something love get career something actually enjoyi think enjoy life know feel way do used good amount friends used girl loved pushed away know it mistakes ive made making like anymore ones turn away mistakes ive pushed away stopped putting effort stay friends them know why guess want truly hurt them end hurting me so ive become lonely want social im good it talk texttyping pretty well comes talking face face always find struggling find words matters much live small town almost everyone knows me would fine basically outcast school thats remember me cant really make new friends here two friends left keep things anonymous also keep things easy understand ill call john sam so john hes best friend anyone could ask for hes loyal fun smart strong willed would die anyone considers family know happened blessed way become friends him wed anything other were almost exact same well makes getting along easy were pretty fucked head humor sometimes even him subconscious stuff try push away try toit happens thankfully hes stubborn bastard kind knows feel try hide him ive become really good hiding it sometimes slip up know tell feel least little sam amazing caring nice smart funny beautiful outside truly beautiful inside too dated couple times never worked out better friends moved long ago lives couple states away text lot ive shared darker thoughts her caring best hard truly something text live far away two friends lot good ones even them amazing are feel lonely feel way life terribly bad feel like im cut life want livei truly do feel like cant it scares me