im  failure everything tired abuse since kid looking end pain soon need talk human tooi failed everything im  years old failed abused age  mom age  present mom step dad remember telling teachers school nothing ive never friends entire life remember told one teachers going kill sixth grade told get back work mom pulled school punishment th grade made sign papers dropping out whenever went work always yelled screamed work fast food retail always deal bullies workplace see much ugly me ugly fat disgusting easy pick people like me went got ged twoyear degree joined new career field me ive deal nothing bullies workplace understand mechanical stuff became cad operator like wanted money move out end  known failure whole life everyone hits yells screams calls failure workplace failure son remember trying draw something boss made fun said stupid join different career field ive worked seven jobs career field fired them seven jobs career field time span eight nine months deal people calling failure work saying cant draw need change career field im sorry even want work career field wanted money could move out matter anymore end  worked since october work career field anymore hate looking mirror seeing fat ugly monster want know like friend ive never entire life friends mom would never allow friends kid adult never learned make friends im honestly scared people cuz know everyone hurt me like said see someone fat ugly judge them everyone judges people even admit it one wants friends someone makes hunchback notre dame look like elvis presley im  years old im trapped hell last week stepdad got mad something think accidentally broke tool took me bruises scars body im  years old keep getting hurt yelled at used punching bag never held another humans hand years ive eat bucket whenever eat whatever leftovers put bucket animals eat bucket too sorry im rambling much talk spoken another human months mean know like little kid sleep outside dog house yearold im even allowed bed house room stay day night sleep outside im always scared stay room hate it im trapped like animal want death release prison want die please someone come kill me im much coward kill myself im scared itll hurt ill give address please come kill me one ill im scared succeeding guess make coherent timeline idk know start mom step dad home soon cant computer theyre here login late tonight stay late anyone wants address let know make quick one ill figure use one guns tomorrow know tomorrow itll make easier figure use gun kill myself