i realized the only reason i haven t killed myself is i don t want to be a burden on my brother and cause him and harm idk realizing that made me freak the fuck out the idea that i haven t lived my life for myself for year is making me have the urge again for some reason and it s scaring me the only thing that give me comfort is planning a day to end it so i don t end it now i really don t want to be here anymore i feel like people only want me around when it s convenient for them or when i can help them i am a last resort for everyone because i have no need at all i fucking hate myself and the only people who care about me are the people who have to this is stupid but it wa cathartic to write lmao