optioni awful person around good intentions matter fucking hard try different always end fucking asshole everyone around me three best friends stopped talking january got pregnant march lost baby tubes told cant get pregnant now live boyfriend told end month nowhere go money thought living roommate excruciating cant bear close another person end hating me every single relationship ever ended unbearable around really try fail over ive done therapy emdr im going change im going get better want get hotel room shoot enough heroin die ive clean sober five years graduated nursing school none matters literally make everyones life encounter worse tired scared disappointed became