know how whenmy life fallen shit abusive stepmother controls life father took father sister moved thousands miles away me could live mommy best fried im love him nothing done there lives friend friend hates me nothing brings joy day anymore playing saxophone listening favorite bands even giggle innocent  year old girl bring smile face anymore small insight list reasons self hatred so ive decided best choice death relieve world one awful soul leave oxygen people actually things lives just best option me ive struggled depression years going therapy taking meds everyday nothing works im hopeless ill pop pills many pills thats taking effect ill slash gash wrist cant fail ill written close friends specific note know much mean me ill truly free ill completed seems be escape thanks reading lt if typos please accept dearest apologies im ipod exactly easy write tears swelled eyes