redflag answeri socially isolated making friends several times consistently abandoned shunned various reasons abused even getting tired me long lonely journey yet havent killed yet consistently try help various mental illness shall say diseases since chronic issues persisting problems d maybe someday find enjoyment life stop countless suicidal thoughts time time get closer attempting redflag another time maybe world fiction imagination shall know current consciousness dissipates maybe preonset schizophrenia d anyways hope nothing enough pain attempt kill take miserable life terrible existence