ive hit rock bottomm ish ive suffering lot depression lately ive depressed month now time since stopped going office cant get basic things without breaking crippling anxiety ive good dad mom sister feeling good enough matter anyone world close friends anyone talk right fucked state mind cant bear misery living wanted put rest it part wants run away live like nomad without human contact become saint part wants die it took amount rat poison two weeks ago apparently fucking enough swallowed  tablets fucking aspirin last week still nothing happened know now access firearms anything would little bit easier thinking stabbing heart sometime soon cannot carry living like this ive nothing live for ive hobbies anything help distract me ive tried various things thought liked found fad someone really not totally hate myself strength would totally rip head apart two know writing either probably place could talk it