everyone leftsince two friends left college  days ago downward spiral ive angry depressed angry depressed constant cycle currently anxiety attack type this th  days ago another friend left college albeit much closer  none said goodbye one left saturday even said shed stressed want another thing deal with know said much worse meant still felt worthless like another thing deal with know see way ill get that thats feel have since th numerous thoughts redflag more usual thoughts much vivid prolonged usual ive talked two left th several times since talked mean everything talking yelling getting really quite sorry today reconnected someone talked long time told im feeling specifically friend left saturday made feel well friend went told friend left thisshe messaged talking since friday i devastated talk her message shocked hurt would think care told consider point view ive tried really have seem bad told first time thought selfish really hit hard try selfish hate might be anyways message brought current anxiety attack im waiting reply message sent back trying explain andor apologize know kill myself strength it wanted type and selfishly get words encouragement anything really feel like im toxic friends left college every time say theyre something get depressed angry feels like nothing nobody nothing do everyone else everything please help meplease