attempted suicide third grade why sick parents arguing sick one weird kid school nobody talks too sick seeing family poverty trying raise family course still love parents hate watching struggle needs is split hated seeing single parent cry handed  bill christmas tears eyes barely able keep straight i however beyond belief grateful getting  never owned much money beforenow comes self insecurities self doubt depressionredflag lovetrust issues spend hours day wondering ugly kid life would much easier dead i know killing look something do insecurities wondering skinny like people seen physical appearance eat enough self doubt good enough burden parents ever suicidal ideation held together want see pain circles around head eventually driving madness causes break tears know love hard time trusting people causing push awayif hard talk feelings peoplereach get help getting understand going inside mind life maybe id different point state mind rant post thoughtslife