whats least painful way dieits  long sad painful years last year filled much heaviness heartache dread find hard stay positive calm normal im alone anymore last  weeks ive unable stop crying public emotional pain feel makes feel like legs stop working sometimes im especially bad day cant seem make go away go numb usually doesnt come back  mins time im really ask help ive tried many times get help doesnt last people dont care near unless im usual happy self dont access guns want end life soon closing loose ends family friends would appreciate advice