sick living deniali think first time really became aware depression  so kind snowballed point let control life resulted failure neglected even basic achievements  everyone says always chance turn things around think time give up used keep motivated small goals family things become increasingly strained years become hard think worth them especially thoughts would endanger others used dream committing redflag way would inconvenience others minimally all even then afraid act it recently ive thinking easy would end life least ruin something stupid driving point staring concrete  lanes snapped would much risk others hurt want continue pretending things okay get point consider impact actions make told therapist thoughts redflag possibly harming others since thought intrusive thoughts now unable trust people point even mention bothering passing although family love other always felt barrier up even supposed closest kept distance try gets glossed over always told say feel uncomfortable truths since pandemic getting pretty bad options treatment limited honest much desire continue getting treatment anyways feel like never get point pros outweighs cons world die remains used compost better wasting resources mention organs donated used people actually deserve chance