collecting thoughts looking opinionshey guys long time lurker first time poster ill attempt brief yo white male attending college large university south diagnosed depression two years ago ive cycled bunch different antidepressants im currently lithium effexor lithium bipolar psychiatrist trying something different drug ive tried far noticeable effect week started smoking weed couple months ago wake bake regularly now probably help situation thing know always make feel ok ive stopped smoking though since want reach kind conclusion weed makes apathetic therapy helped some progress ive made far things ive realized myself good student high school succeeded college two main possibilities either depressed know study hard know correct since depression started entered college ive managed get much trouble now lost main scholarship past semester im currently failing current classes spent past weekend expecting kill monday afternoon ive postponing deadline last days realistically know probably wont ive stood parking deck looked before know jumping would take willpower right now would easier go something fun friends go get high probably end hardship withdrawal none grades semester count im trying figure now logical option ect would go get shocked weeks probably start classes january think would solve problems truth probably need work problems combination introspection time instead electricity  course health things do weight fine eat much sugar exercise cant find willpower fix though part proud believe problem could ordinary solution