quit job end alla little background im  year old guy diagnosed borderline personality disorder recently started therapy going start group work retail cashier nearly every coworker around age feel like pretty good albeit superficial relationship everyone im mostly quiet sometimes bubbly energetic guy manager  pretty close especially discuss anxiety other months ago started crushing hard new coworker asked find already relationship outside say cool remain friends inside im devastated romanticized her put pedal the one started dating problems low self esteem would go away mean amazing person told loved surely id never feel bad again fit feelings jokingly told manager wanted kill girls boyfriend obviously joking manager laughed along even told manager actually thinking hurt intense fear social rejection im paranoid everyone around talking behind back making fun me purposely inviting out stems experiences believes abuser middle high school incident college confided friend suicidality lead shaming telling rest class leading ostracizing me open feelings bit ass great number times today ended working coworker crush on asks ive talking behind back heard lot people im obsessed want kill boyfriend able explain told manager joke said that seemed okay that know truth manager confided in told secrets everyone else actually making fun behind back caused worst fears come true decision quit job ive always hated wanted quit anyway realize im overreacting situation work tomorrow im thinking calling quitting phone without giving reason why want make one phone call never think place ever again im currently living family car payments bills every month honest want quit job release album kill myself want another job another chance embarrassment another chance failure another chance ruining everything im damn tired care life anymore maybe im overreacting cant tell