things get worsethings get worse sometimes get confused seems like things starting get better confusion caused fact things actually getting worse things get worse effort put in faith hard work taking risks putting oneself and ruin myself almost positive life implode get horrible fast makes sense things never stay course lieu positive growth decay want die feel like person held gun point begging life one take me just nothing here embarrassment shame frustration failure humiliation dread pain schadenfreude expense nothing ever right nothing right nothing find information gleam experience attempt have nothing correct wrong wrong wrong fit in fitting important power nothing cant talk hate world lie people know lie know why tell tell putting act am feel nothing dread shame perfect example fail airplane stalling seemingly reason all somehow reasons once bit everything knew felt am would never talk all sometimes even convince myself moments others best getting back need be gutter always be scared scared death pain death pain death pain see misery me anyway runt litter cant shit gets pruned pack natures beautiful wrathful glory death without care