multiple half assed redflag attempts since elementary schoolnot sure much actually intend say ive suicidal long remember think first attempt around age  suicidal thoughts constant life since then age   ive tried kill times success struggled self harm that got close trying lost motivation even resorted staring floor realizing would fuck like past times planning going field near house jamming knife stomach probably badly worded whatever im incredibly frustrated especially years denied help medical malpractice bullshit pushing closer closer killing myself kept alive peoples sake