dont knowive thinking lot lately honestly main thing holding back mom specifically pain endure go it cant help think way regardless much would love believe otherwise secretive person speak problems anyone all hate feeling like charity case especially feel like someone feeling sorry me know everybody goes shit understand problems dont want mention problems are trust taking toll long time ive trying justify committing redflag myself even death dont want hurt mom sometimes drive late night close eyes hoping crash something end all make stupid judgement calls could end dying purpose feels like ive pain long remember