clearly something wrong mei always try kind many people wax poetically world needs kindness yet ever gets shit shoveled face getting used friends whatever whole schtick point ive edged last facebook friends  college friends high school friends even family gone numbers deleted phone anyone contacts anyway ive managed scale back social side life barest minimum maintaining decent job yet cant shake discomfort around people especially young women around age frustration almost much bear first girlfriend dumb rocks entirely codependent next turned lesbian next emotionally manipulative latest and significant started developing schizophrenia   years in even better thanks way come waves got watch lose mind twice eight months life eggshells hoping return im alone get thinking why nobody around seems worth time i honestly think anymore redflag mind decade long wait sacking it like itll hard