finally feel relaxedits long ride honestly im male  lot happened life live third world country grew alone real interaction people age kindergarten either missing basic socializing sent school age  youngest class made life worse screwed over got bullied everything never understood wrong people hate much also lived really far away school take bus came every hour skipped school sometimes really let socialize free time either  years ive outcast whole time one really cared tried talk least shoo away tried talk them tried talking transfer students caught associating would turn scapegoat well really blame them stung quite bit one point got pneumonia parents able treat time healthcare system utter garbage hospitals underequipped personnel qualified one knows whatre doing really ruined health later line due additional complications  kidneys liver something else even know whats called english english skills really far away good even health either back up blacked pe one thing teacher dumped like sack potatoes onto small bench left whole thing over thats fine too paid nearly enough care teachers paid enough care escaped computer soon could afford one years ive spent obsessing ebooks video games basic chats absolute best time life finally someone end screen hate outright existing however friends online lived really far away neither us could afford travel remained cold text screen dozen years bit more learned english tried talking people overseas strange experience theyve lived different happy lives could never understand said friends someone hang with relationships steadily losing voice years talking point started forgetting whats like talk verbally every time try talk stutter horribly cannot put thoughts order magical floating keyboard turn things want say something understandable came university afford dorms commute took roughly  hours every day years learned make basics human communication  hell internet widespread acceptable tried using advantage long story short get friends university either single relationship look horrendous deformed blame single woman much looking direction thats fine want too would anyone else tried signing psychology doctor  im sure whatre called english properly tried unhelpful garbage looked empty eyes waiting official time spend patient would run out gave ordeal like afford good private one later line annoyance started settling in ive technically friends internet stopped existing lives second stopped posting almost none noticed hospitalized month think someone would notice suddenly gone weeks without notice guess not invisible irl seeped invisible internet well superpowers yo hollywood movies made look lot interesting turned real life found likeminded people also never person could really call friend say loved someone loved back point life gone now left world peace used envy greatly weighs dozens years alive one single outside family considered attractive worth talking despite trying go libraries uni clubs walking around outside trying read park told get hell stop creepy fine too know im failure ultimately fucked everything ever happened life used work dead end kinda job finishing university get bills food mindnumbing waste time days ago feel like something flipped switch inside me im finally ready go feels relaxing like breath fresh air locked cellar years pretty close reality sucks ive pulled short straw make longer effort maybe things would different support pillar sort hang rather crawling around floor trying get places im closing accounts ive services one uni acquaintances provided materials go sleep paid debts ive point one things wanted post small life story internet nothing truly lost internet much difference ill ever make planet use reddit normally reply wanted post somewhere itd get archived maybe remembered one person least  minutes so thatd great thats could ever ask for still preparations left long  finalizing papers thank you ill going now