keeps getting worse starting feel horrible loneliness ive depressed long remember moving varying degrees unhappiness  months time recently ive begun feeling terrible loneliness im popular enough school lot friends feel like ended one would even notice except best friend family younger problem thought dying im coming grips fact die matter what even dont want beyond control feel like anything pointless eventaully lasting impact dead even farther future every star universe die since january year hasnt day serious suicidal thoughts havent crossed mind ive started think i hate myself whenever walk mirror idea why consider attractive problems self esteem im trouble dealing recent increase horribly sad thoughts far worst ive ever felt depressive cycles feel like unfair deal this im  time feel enjoyment im im relationship with dont know anymore want stop honestly cant take anymore