storyi havent bad life honestly things considered fortunate but still happened thought gaping blackness lurks within minds rose took grasp twice life twice looked death face emerged scathed yet alive able learn move on tines girl different girls tine two deeply cared for friends quickly fell love them exact makeup type witty sassy sweet caring always trying make smile finally got nerve confess feelings turned backs me times thought killing myself seriously considered it fact recall pair scissors open neck crying mirror changed mind yesterday started crying work pause look mom completely oblivious pain bring back considering again  year old white man never girlfriend kiss relationship kind body image issues related manhood raised religion teaches lust desire sure fire tickets hell perhaps important others wanted say struggle thought well do trick decide keep going gets better know sounds like cliche genuinely believe it give up fight on one day emerge victorious faith you you yourselves catch later good day try smile