suicidal ideation told manipulativei feel awful told someone trying date felt suicidal took ploy manipulation even though feel way lot told found someone died redflag note explain took cries help badly know need seek professional help feel like expressions feeling way taken manipulative regardless real feels me guess matter much need address late feel guilty saying emergency thought like terrible manipulative person thought normal live thoughts long time times worse others hurts lot feeling like must seem faking manipulate feel like thats true dont want hurt real attempt prove wrong think guess im fake all