theres one reason killed yet good one cw rapewhen  raped boyfriend time hed done something asked ok slept someone else upcoming th birthday something like that disgusted me want sex night no answer liked hear previously id said no got drunk night kept pushing pushing gave in felt like to history abused that family good one knew this also systematically isolated friends knew nobody else life knew gave power cried whole way through even though finish it really started feeling like raping you im rapist erase previous fifteen minutes remember correctly stop me stopped selfimage day person sex with willingly otherwise thats reason killed yet want die knowing person ever fucked me feels like hes winning especially since half decade since happened ive still able someone else feel like thats slowly becoming less less concern though nobody would want anyway life me theres nothing would attract another person recently realised spending several months without friends contacting me could literally already rotting nobody would noticed know ive done it maybe im scared pain failure