deletedont know else post this care think might clinging things understand reinforcing them im suicidal anger problems reckless bad money skilled freelancer cant get work im starting think illusion really reasons angry sad depressed really reason happy except want be maybe want be maybe unfamiliar scary maybe scared everything thats struggle even simplest tidbit bad news maybe awful person like mind tells me im pathetic sad maybe thats used to think dreams dead nothing makes glow anymore inside nothing matters thing get angry angry im hungry is future looming ahead certainly kill us much anger myself everyone much judging anymore judge say should help anything things need trhat would help me scared do grown man scared even wake face bullshit tomorrow brings many people would trade life mine instant selfish spoiled brat deserves internal torture getting know whats real guess one people care im sick myself want someone else possible anymore probably not ideas cling to ideas me ideas people me defines person things head truly sick handle ashamed them know sick people disagree me cling sickness wish many times dead tired shit since little kid fear anxiety shame guilt awkwardness backstabbing know room people good long anyone read now comforts me knowing one give fuck say ironic discovered today cling notion people listen me like infuriates listened to makes sound like huge selfish prick guess am whatever see normally would want defend explain like fuck it like want be see try correct anyone ever let die let hate me hate they deep inside feel like really love everyone world  realize awful are awful natural world is awful am come conclusion evil terrible needs destroyed ramble bad things would make better could since cant nothing matters migth well dead stupi dis that stupid much say do stupid normally id sorry say mean it get like this trying protect anyone already doomed world especially protect stupidity least possible thing spent years trying learn communicate well still suck it care anytmore makes sense flapstick jo jo cock lapodoo its going ghet views votes anyway care quite opposite hope one sees it want read later easiest