title says really hours inbetween socializing friends slow agonizingmy brain gets scared annoy friends say something hurt intentionally make excuses need take break few probably go bedall lies course lay bed idolize world exist sleep way fall back nightmares living world feel content happy even ripped away eyes openi feel like drink even struggle pick bottle even like really am really even amalgamation ideas would want sewn together poorlyi feel purpose life even though would say otherwise feel truly one world surrounded people care yet never felt alone