every single time gets better drops much worse before fim tired hearing gets better does gets so much worse im sick feeling okay feeling human once feeling like maybe actually this maybe ive overcome this give week maybe months im shrouded darkness more hurts fucking much before im tired suffering im tired getting better im tired suffering again time much painful last im tired feeling comfortable im tired feeling fucking human wake stripped away again almost four years since first redflag attempt sometimes look back think wow ive come far agonizing sadness comes back realized ive sunk in im exhausted im tired fighting this ive therapy four years nothing helped im begging help id anything make go away know help exist people like me sadness utterly consuming throw pills it try cbt dbt interpersonal residentials psych wards inpatient outpatient resilient wonder stop trying mend cracks wounds maybe born broken unfixable truly truly wretched want anymore want live want fight ive given up