made bit mess lifei keep typing paragraphs paragraphs deleting lets say want kill myself since im posting here ex wants move on want try again  years feels obligation try again cant even blame him would never speak again mental illness hurts everyone around im fucking tired im going end selfdestructing im sorry anyone party it wake every morning knowing im living world together makes feel worth anymore ive tried everything positive thinking therapy im meds now smoking weed im even fucking seeing someone else nothing helps everything reminds him everything comes back him still go work mornings im shirking responsibilities mope im everything be nothing helps  months feels like someones torn middle body something missing hate without him even everything happened badly hurt would still give fucking anything come back deem worthy take risk for im worth it