for context i m a yr old mom of two kid my daughter is and my son is month i have been struggling with all type of mental illness for a long a i can remember i wa raised by a narcissist alcoholic mom and a dad who wa barely there because he wa working to support u i have attempted to take my life more than time and have been hospitalized for my mental health and nothing seems to help i m in therapy and on med and i am just tired of fighting myself i just want it all to stop my husband is never really home do you work and i m all alone all the time with our kid the only reason i m still alive is because they need me not even because i want to be alive there is nothing enjoyable for me anymore every time i think about it i cry i cry for my kid who deserve a better mom and a better life i cry for my husband who doesn t understand what it s like to feel this way and think i should just be ok i cry because i want it all to end so badly and i can t even do that right i m not still here because i want to be and i feel so much guilt for that i just want to feel normal and sometimes it feel like dying is the only way to make it stop