dealing aftermath best friends redflagoh god jesus fuck me found corpse best friend late april  friends house time watching tv lounge  hung bedroom right next door never heard thing saw done like meltdown head felt neuro tissue synapses everything snapped screaming like tidal wave ripped body tore every fibre apart  months depressed hell feeling alone due wide impact friends present night suffered trauma well anyone rely support ive suppressing it managing best  im highpressure postgrad programme year simply option fall cry sleep im angry weepy cold cant talk talk much weirdest thing trauma seems morphed selfloathing depression im paranoid anxious easily distraught feel completely alone keep thinking following killing too sparks redflag cluster everything fucked feel like ill never  like disturbed years years come