cant care anymoreive lost ability care everything anymore  weeks left college cant imagine anything except waiting die beginning semester ok passion once excited finish up ive lost im lowest point cannot relate people well terrible time talking anyone hindrance existence pull humor nice cant anything else trouble expressing feelings deeper thoughts small talk everything cant explain properly feel like shit around me ive offon girl bit ive accepted im type really hard understand layers complications deal far better talking dont know stand right except friends feel like giant bother her made friends college connections feel loose now half openly expressed wanting kill themselves plans stop it guess think im losing mine ive started unhealthy things one cutting never really understood get now fasting past weeks ive keeping track calories lose weight taken drastically im  lbs options dramatic long periods time decided dramatic now meeting school counseling thursday going explain everything probably use post guide help talk really thing im sort looking forward now way tell someone whats happening without feeling like burden im taking lexapro depression half dose things get real shitty know taking extra help since takes time work system might im expecting end institution counselor needs one also family midwest im massachusetts own talk mom every week thats contact back home im kind done tried faking til made cant anymore want out