force go nothing live forhey everyone frequent lurker first time poster wanted reach guys feel like im wits end here ive gone pretty much everywhere else think of years therapy medication countless conversations family members multiple calls redflag prevention hotlines nothings really made better one able convince life worth living thats despite fact good deal stuff going me family destitute means go good school good friends get decent grades mom says id feel better ungrateful things life maybe right always seemed good things far outweighed hopelessness sadness im dealing time want good things have hate myself see indolent useless waste person goals ambitions life feel like placeholders  theyre really want them theyre feel like im supposed something really want die think killing every day im tired feeling selfhatred despondence people life would probably feel sad die even though im convinced affection sorely misplaced lives would much better never entered them make people grieve do thing world want thing cant do everything feels empty hollow feel like losing drive survive know anyone say anything help feel like redflag solution life makes sense know keep going anymore