helloim unsure type really word this honestly think need somewhere get out im oif veteran believe ptsd though believe depression began early age recently panic attacks severe thought stroke  heart attack finally went local va hospital prescribed antianxiety medicine appointment psychologist told may ptsd unsure feel right diagnosing me gave support groups go to though really like speaking tour really telling anyone ive served things ask ive suicidal thoughts service rarely severe feel isolated everyone including wife children often times feel like im ghost house wife constantly phone children wanting  needing her go bouts depression first time years ive thought pulling trigger ive spoken wife concerns nothing seems help see big deal little real friends point im reaching strangers internet want pity its going work out talk blah blah blah know want know since ive felt heavy really sucks