trying sort things areim sorry sounds whatever need put cards table paper everything looks well swell well educated great parents great family good group friends really feel like phoney im honest friends as friend lie general im life party am feel alone im  exist everything seems happen life positive thing leads working out always feel like  step forward  steps back  sorry sound cliched much try tell friends family things arent ok get people believing me people telling suck up really cant cope wake every morning unfortunately first thing think  say wake fuck dont know woke go another day woke up really cant cope ive never real gf im king friendzone happens anytime girl me end missing cues time notice late think girl me make move end wrong seen just friend end day im alone feel like always alone wish someone would nonjudgmental want shoot shit know alone im bigger guy   take space feel like imposing dont know ps realize rant probably sounds like diatribe need outlet want cry cant need outlet even tear ducts cooperate understand things could worse understand alot people gone alot shit feel helpless know go turn to friends married exist am think packing moving cities would lead to baggage would follow end day know much farther go live strong reason strange want let go cant less me leaving parents sister guilt amazing guilt guilt keep going either way know is eventually raft run air sink im tired im tired putting face im tired waking tired im tired know others feel way is either way wake tomorrow say fuck start day usual make day im tired