m cannot keep fighting fighting long time remember long problems simply cannot hold anymoretoday first day  years alcoholic father threatened hit told kim nobody could stand around drunk adult first time life change thati cannot describe awful feel hearing call idiot several times threatening mei always felt disappointment everyone specially himhe always called useless idiot lazy many things always felt like son never wanted happened today simply makes want run away end alli also feel like disappoint mother specially talking school ever since depression started struggled concentrate work even subjects like every time talk highschool feel like burden disappointment gifted child used tomy sister another problem sometimes feels like everything alright others treats like annoy her like care meanother problem feel like belong anywhere even friends consider brothers mothers even though gone several groups friends never manage feel like belong like truly care even like mei feel alone lost want pain end want stop feeling like burden everyone elseevery time knife hands cannot bring end everything cut arms swallow pain today different even cuts helped deal pain matter many times it deep were feeling go awayi really want push blade chest simply slash veins afraid afraid next afraid hurting mom sister afraid leaving alone stupid father cannot get enough courage itsorry bad english native language feeling way help writingi needed get chest so thanks listening kind strangers cannot go anymore