cognitive function declining much time left im catatonic vegetativeive making rounds telling friends im going kill myself theres trend understanding decision couple days ago started trouble balance speech starting slur today needed help navigate menu called medicaid ill probably need caretaker soon window functional enough end life closing feel doctors still monotonously shrugging shoulders issue treating like number think dealing heart issues  years would real struggle prisoner body unable lot things panic attacks schizophrenia came normal day me adapted peyronies hit dicks still process painfully shriveling scar tissue especially rough worrying future love life relationships hoping have still managed least still future now im sure thing going brain much like dead alive cant experience world anymore process beauty understand im empty shell useless soul it id almost believe god seems like universe get me making life progressively worse time torturing me always thought things get worse started laughing would actually happen expect it predictable bizarre absurd maybe thats gives comedic value really want friend go knowing way things ill probably die alone room ever wanted held everything would been would okay someone would hold me