ill never experience lovei realized never loved life hate unable find love affection throughout life way cope high sexdrive masturbation porn addiction close  decades hate even every time fap pathetic grown man watching people sex fantasizing girl side fully know never able that used go callgirls times felt even like pathetic loser afterwards though every time found girl liked managed mess far either cant really open got awkward around her didnt make move whatever probably seem cold interest maybe even plain boring really know point never working relationship girls usually tell either even rare occasions really liked me somehow fucked up started ignoring lose interest whatever always same happened mostly younger actually around girls decent amount time nowadays chance meet girls online seem success either means success back then fuck success now im already  years old never relationship depressed fuck hardly going anymore job anymore failed university student even try things going get better on friends married partners even see hardly anymore im slowly losing friends s many friends social contacts acquaintances even many girls interest me theres nothing left feel like alien nowadays tbh really hate lonely always used social person nowadays every day lonely stuff home laptop going gym alone occasionally dreams anymore goals complete failure life point pretty much feel pathetic life over time courage yet take life want hurt mother friends tldr  feel like loser hate lonely never gotten experience true relationship best years wasted end life eventually