im really lose killing tongihtim scared cant take anymore pain anxiety levels skyrocketing reason cant keep holding on know could kill almost time theres reason hang on im scared though know make stop anything edit today got really close im relieved kill myself im actually frustrated sad get chance attempt parents interrupted could start place realized want anything want work study succesful fulfill dreams love someone future i lot pain hesitating becuase preperation done plan parents came unrelatedly mom freaked stupid thing clean im legal visiting home cried bit it got whole redflag sin implication selfharming wrong speech also threatened commit ever admit danger myself mom tells meet pastor whos going tell things familys religious many peoples opinion pain need trust god more spiritual all things work good bad im sort becoming atheist reasons anyway im upset beause thing want die thats literally only desire have balls yet actually kill myself solace got pushed little farther alcohol maybe could it hard hurts much alive hurts since cried earlier feel better nothings hanged dont want feel betteri wantthe problem solved dead guess need drink next time jave ready thank tldr i living nightmare thing want death guilt tripped staying also im weak it hurts feel guilty wanting die trying get better feel better cried want feel better temporarily een get better want die