see pointi currently teenager high school childhood bad certainly worst one thing ive learned life far work really hard life die like nothing cant see future anyway failing classes atm motivation even try ive starting think possibilities life cant see way like playing video games get every morning another crappy day motivation play favorite games hanging friends seem like option im antisocial mom thinks worse leave house know it want end im stuck top hill nothing push continue life nothing push back side kill myself stuck top seeing shitty future then look behind see shitty childhood nobody knows thoughts sharing would turn another problem would think about  put anti depressants events childhood made cry sleep every night currently trying find hope listening music seems like chore find music make stop thinking first time posting subreddit like thought blind interaction help calling hotline even tho im antisocial cant even bare think speaking random stranger phone call situation even discuss friends family thank time suggestions personal stories could help think top hill