feels like constant battle mind recently ive started losinghey first time posting google sub this ive dealing what assume is diagnosed anything depression years part could push past thoughts even get day week recently graduated uni perhaps lack social interaction bringing lack motivation anything forced careers event long ago touched cv advice got still complete lack motivation im much familiar depressive thoughts getting ive never dealt real suicidal thoughts past ive thought dark times real intent passed normally taking walk dog time friends would clear thoughts too usually longterm recently first time day real suicidal thought intent dog felt defeated since usually helps clear mind yesterday another step happening previously finally managed get house friend although hours leading really wanted cancel fun part way wanted go home again thankfully convinced stay  drink turned another hours fun rest yesterday mind clear today im writing here forced bed shower make something upon sitting back bed sat silence wondering imagined scene im top building wanting fall off weird talking mind me  different entities i want commit redflag mind making think good idea im constantly reminded mistakes ive made uselessuglystupid etc currently am im scared get worse gets better scene roof want job relationship everything else normal cant find motivation push forward know get it sorry turned bit long