going new school th grade fall terrified get bullied wherever go private school public school international school wherever transfer to matter always isolated labelled loser school bc covid given break school year experiencing graceful one year think could go back enduring high redflag redflag get see faces people treat like trash want to desperately want to thing scares even think bullying ostracizing stop even finish high school clearly problem lies within me cannot fix myself right future looks like life getting stepped used wherever go dreadful would rather live even courage kill myself sad sick living like this sick way out sick people around give shit feelings alli tired alone ridiculous even make effort making people feel better expect cared loved return nothing say sick people caring feelings also care theirs crazy crazy selfish am want deal anymore terrified go back school