never endinglast night bugs crawling body werent husband assured werent there could hear rats wall could not sirens gave headache know none real time was havent hallucinated bad while times year become deeply suicidal life forever know be theres guarantee kids would better mother leave chances good risk it could worse occasionally psychotic self ive never hurt them ive afraid going to havent quarantine two small children helping illness love them husband amazing know could find amazing woman making sense then dealing dead body takes paperwork lot time first respondersmedical personnel hands full is cant add that moot point anyway cant kill myself cant risk hurting kids know husband loves me resilience incredible hate brought children worldnot shit going on predisposition mental illness well take care them trying hard love them tired