ive wanted die past  yearsive reached point wake go sleep dreaming im strong enough kill myself im  years old ive never wanted alive friends know im wrong try happy enjoyable around im obviously awkward idea fix this want enjoy life right worth continuing ive told gets better ive felt way decade cant wait longer get better something now either need make improvements fucking end it ive tried antidepressants need know kind person people actually like anyone advice would really appreciate it edit feel anything fear pain anymore smile feel like im lying