cant deali moments yearn take life scared it guess characteristic trait mine severely depressed serious heavy suicidal ideations strong pull hard black dealt depression since child one would think id uses now imagined razor slitting vein wrist i even researched it happened twice times gave hard jolt back reality present immense fear right situation created almost myself feeling pulls strong almost hard fight wrote final goodbye today children anything else able see kids  years taken hidden me thay result depression situation vile human control know happening yanked me no sexual abuse thoughts feeling torturous know strong enough