question less answeari dont really know start this guess could go ahead explain story im average guy tries social circle feels inviting surround people i think wants best me recent events turn feeling security feeling fear space merely  months life went sweet dream tormented nightmare started girl met  years back had huge crush her made fall love her every little bit her made realize person created thoughts never really tried have guess could say made see best myself made think worth something eyes like something special her started downfall soon after dated  months thought found right one gonna make best relationship ended fooling myself talking boys job one friend lets call jake kyle time jad idea started panic attacks frequently ate less paranoid time one point remember molly ended sex remember told one important relationship life one week later left hooked jake kyle  guys presented her span one week even confessed friends enjoyed watching low guess question start know since particular day december life started shatter one piece time loosing love friends job really close friend me guess made descision brought but point end bottom barrel categories feeling redflag way look cara passing by subway coming station heights bridge sharpness knife products lay around house could cause death thought rope feel place like something went missing lost focus life know way usally think loosing one loved got point im always stress panic attacks frequently lost job didnt help pile already damn whats purpose everytime build something crumble one day