going kill september th ended hospitalized  weeks instead ive one week already want kill again new date october th long vent sensitivei setting date since failed last time making mistake telling therapist spent two weeks straight hospital got put meds increased weekly therapy eating sleeping week straight constant suicidal thoughts wanted stay inpatient stepdown program hospital family talked yelling telling stupid idea regret going least would let live away abusers cut live way world currently is currently unemployed therapist trying help get disability fit work due multiple mental illnesses taking forever run health insurance coverage unemployed quickly running money cant afford high cost takes insurance run insurance simply blow little savings pay bills without money debt hospital unable afford therapy meds options going try apply medicaid cant understand process keep messing application going lose school scholarship preform class drop courses likely owe large sum money school this tried getting touch student services brushed off going say goodbye therapist subtly can able see anymore run money thinking one support kept going enough give courage finally kill myself want cry thinking therapy anymore puts verge panic attack think much am october th date obsessed numbers end   fail th try october th forth hope fail time going try hard accidentally tell someone again write notes paper keep car people find theyre ready overdose meds jump bridge found several good spots accomplish late night early morning prepare mentally next weeks cant live life full mental illness trauma ocd alone bad enough give strength complete redflag want thank tried reach last time messages kind fail end hospitalized likely let long time please pray me pray fail death quick painless possible praying take prayers end