slipping again help get pleasehey all  male developing country first time im losing grip always find way time feel like kick strong first time think need guidance interested in please skip single word kindly read this itll interesting read least first all little background problems social anxiety throughout teenage years put lot effort close friends romantic relationships last year highschool ive changed took reins many friends lovely life companions everyone left one one university happens hardest  years life getting mixed depressionanxiety another thing ive always felt belong country never feel like im socalled friends feel like act around survive live on ive always dreamed escaping adulthood sneaked in ive started accept ill never follow dreams something happened summer ive decided visit friend different country changed whole life cities ive visited fun sex people no people befriended there ive felt born again social mask ive created home needed among them decided finish last year uni home move next year like said many hard years trying find good friends ive found probably best people ive ever met best part left also love much told theyve never met person lives think theyre kind else spend full  weeks day night oh yeah theres girl much time spend interested little say were friends much could ask atm first thought like another country actually not  hot perfect human like us think like person much anyway ive decided go back winter vacation like said im planning live near future ive found job save money im focused finishing uni feel social alter ego exactly opposite thought years social less anxious better person me problem starts here soon stepped homeland people started disgust me friends graduatedon vacation theres social life got used years even was itll people problem getting along with misanthropy kicked in came anxiety since also feel lovesick weird way im afraid losing new friends every evening get home work want call listen speaking get rid problems head busy life thousands kilometers us ive realized best thing keep talking her getting better slowly get back winter heavy burden me look calendar feel closer every day also burden feels heavier especially starting week feel anxious old me feel like darkness starts sneak again feel lost weak almost broken years ive learned need talk people moments like this friends really bad listening me new friends vacation wanna scare her choking text messages personal problems moment im slowly sinking deep stupid ideas giving everything and know tldr lazy people read post feel like giving try please help me wanna anxiousdepressive grumpy lifeless waste skin again