might made mistakehello everyone first post reddit  first time feel like ive got something relevant post need get chest go think ive made mistake thinking ahead ive never attempted redflag think lot definitely mind dying actually knew tomorrow day id die try even slightest stop  whats more id looking forward it moment cant say im certain commit redflag day neither say im certain it now think went wrong whats often mind friends often make redflag jokes and know ones it supposed mean anything  were fooling around however find contemplating redflag really often despite mentioning ironically humorous context day decide kill myself feel like friends might feel guilty anything it start blaming recognizing jokes warning stopping me cant blame them because said many people joke way every single one suicidal friends good people last thing id want feel miserable me honestly thing keeps going feel like ive trapped here recklessly fooling around thingsand regret now things get better able endure longer lose day give decide take life way avoid feeling responsible read whole thing thank 