even get readmy family finally showed true colors feel suspecting long time resent me mother sees biggest failure life bc never anything right live summer live house verbally abused life physically beaten every day kid scarred every day greeted hostile looks hatred screamed things wrong things dont even do hands pockets despite facts never laid hand with exception hug occasional kiss incidental contact yet feels unsafe living bc tall kinda strong feels wasted life away father left tenth birthday somehow one feel doesnt hate me barely even knows me brother criminalizes leaving go college another state studied commuting home thinks reason life difficult difficult stays home chores thinks reason family use them thinks think im better him many times said trusts friends me thinks always right fucking delusional every thought have theres me im fucked cant even hold normal relationship ignore friends know nothing me romantically dont open either someone interested person cant help think must something extremely wrong point fixate smallest things makes imperfect me often times find thinking much better me leave relationships even chance bloom skin disease itchy honestly makes hate every second dont require help treatment anything tho suffer get panic attacks often home family matter dont sighyawnbreathe like front me think im nuisance everyone close thinks youre monster honestly start believe too fucked up bad person never loved capacity honestly wonder time whats even point things always end way longest time ive felt dont want anymore id always tell itll get better see really doesnt maybe point oddly enough first time long time feel peace never shared someone read far thank you need someone world know this even one person maybe someone find perspective eternal fuckup somewhat enlightening sorry essay