boring sad tonight take life handsi little say alot say last time remember happy three weeks ago cuddling somebody thought cared me passions evaporated past years hope self actualization disappearing them adult always close grandma dad deadbeat piece shit never around grandfather dead death albeit close cousins mom like part died past year improved much joined wonderful fraternity excelled uni got ideal weight cleaned diet hell started dating  stopped  while lost virginity found attractive etc everything seemed fucking great first breakup happened realized empty without relationships cue meaningless sex realizing sex fucking worthless without affection got back uni well far lost weight shit hit fan started dating girl seemed wonderful like cared me told promiscuous past behind her sex good told next date night spent cuddling really care much  wanted sex needed get experience slept again understandably hurt like mofo really liked though ive breakups actualy loved person before frustrated prospect relationship thing enjoyed gone ehhh like field enjoy enough really happy recently ive undergone bulemic behavior time spent losing weight changing lifestyle healthy gone feels like everything shambles rambling one thing another bulemia straw thats breaking camels back eating simultaneously thing makes feel good makes feel horrible mentally physically went store tonight get rd pint ice cream nobody smiled nobody said hi none brothers time talk me ive noose closet while pup miss me love little self tonight take life hands end it ampxb titles reference favorite russian poem lermontov