world hates me like actual world want alive anymore whats pointi treated badly everyone life think ive bad person purpose get really anxious easy out freak out people often mistake mean say think attitude even tell dont grandma adopted mother  daughter would laugh say she daughter take want her aunt would laugh whenever cried upset would scream me would ask hug would recoil disgust mother would punch stomach hard could aunt would scream whenever would make noise watching me overweight always teased bullied even teachers called fat bitch constantly told i left whore mother im going take back people mean even im nice people laugh gaslight try confuse me whenever im talkative nice basically run away me say anything make lies me think im autistic well people like me world treats like shit older get realize much hate me im black woman im treated like dog im white black people im black anyone want stay apartment forever nothing makes happy anymore  whenever find something look forward something realize point one share with whenever see people happy immediately realize alone useless am ampxb use happy guess stupid realize world wis family friends literally zero family literally zero friends dead never any high school people forced groups real friends people deal month start showing signs hate want around im fat anymorei even thought pretty little bit world reminded disgusting black girl done things proud of im nice world still hates me im shown hate everyday starbucks bus drivers therapists try get help im dismissed wish could happy wish autistic black woman different could blend people would treat like person would