oh god god damn itthis awful excruciating havent gotten work done months everyone knows it handful people take pity pity wont get work next year officially starts couple months im right fucking mess wailing desk trying work missed am appointment today slept pm even though work am even though slept entire weekend   days straight could die one would notice weeks left stupid job one would notice months maybe years ones called cops screaming wailing yet one called pest control dead animal wall stunk duplex im physically sick  shaking im mentally sick dont think ever truly recover this true breakdown one cares me fact people claimed abandoned abused insulted me over over girl loved ghosted me well claimed busy guess busy post instagram try find enough energy make fake profile maybe hopefully get add see shes posted maybe give closure wouldnt thought might dead said cared didnt call like promised accident outside house  mph head collision  mph past midnight screech boom lady screaming screaming wailing baby wailing crying quiet go outside crowd already there missing limbs apparent fatalities drivers messed up girl saw always visited me didnt like wear seatbelt would dead waited weeks months weeks response texts called her answered  minutes alive happy good her ive cut myself ive picked follicles arms legs tweezers want gone one