five days ago decided going today planned wrote note alli promised best friend go roadtrip him wanted time cuddle girlfriend go work it work night receptionist thought would give enough time space clear mind get itand keep climbing roof cannot it keep trying saying going back reception order cry uncontrollably  mins continue working another  found new meaning life would happy everything seems fucking desperate was feel like better was deserve want  days ago planned outso point venting know happening want jump cannot make it feel stuck limbo whatever is thought going today