every feeling overwhelmingposting throwaway never felt terrible before ive gone motions suicidal feeling fixed went free happy now different never felt insignificant worthless miserable before im  years old every last bit life nothing used much creativity used creative genius one smartest kids one artistic one best writers now nothing nothing makes unique nothing defines me ive lost identity im nobody everything want far live different life want to every thought different do body acts independently mind self control hate it feel alone everything do feel like failure like nobody im afraid call hotline physically speak mom hears gets concerned then shell port someone get help want bring pain suffering parents lives need be hate myself cant control myself crying way comfort myself want feel lonely want feel useless whats point living ever mediocre