rough life start with  years old birthday less month turn  today way home movies dropping friend pouring backing ran large rock size large basketball realize timeso drove home smelled burning got home saw rock still lodged underneath car destroying radiator key components believe totaled would third car totaled past  years father extremely redflaged think ever let drive car again redflaged college well little desire continue due lack able focus money recently girl love left got new guy still think every day know kills me nothing want live anymore seriously considering ending life cannot deal redflag anymore want free feel like financial burden family feel like future feel like never find love again eyes nothing know would hurt family would save lot money redflag long run many real friends talk to close family members listen like trapped myself cannot take anymore think really going this cannot take anymore need help driving isane think time