i need therapy and i finally fully acknowledge it i am an unemployment year old student in lebanon middle east not the u my parent are some old school arab folk that would never entertain the idea of me going to therapy and the fact that i could never share the real reason behind it only make thing harder and the possibility of them cooperating even more impossible thankfully i can figure out how to sneak to therapy behind their back and although i have it really hard money wise i could afford a mid to low budget therapist a long a it will get me anywhere it would be the absolute biggest financial burden ever but i guess i got ta heal my problem among a couple lesser one i am what would be best described a in my own word casually suicidal i have been for so long just wanting to die and although i have no intention to act on it it weighs a lot on you to be jealous out of all thing from people that die around you i am scared that talking about it to a therapist might make her have to break confidentiality another thing that i am worried about is that any therapist i d go to might not be okay with me because of my belief i am pretty certain that my nihilistic philosophy backed by my lack of religious belief would have to be talked about problem is that i live in a muslim community and in these community my perspective on religion isnt taken lightly what is your take your opinion and all of that sorry if the text is messy and all over the place i just wanted to journal and thought that i might use this opportunity to take someone s opinion a well