hate socially awkward people ive come find one want fucking diei get nervous cant fucking keep conversation going id like think im confident convo begins im monotone im called quiet fucking hate it want girlfriend badly cant talk women seems like convo ends quickly lose interest hell even guys lose interest whenever fucking talk speech impediment people always ask repeat look way know know wtf im saying theyre trying appear nice im fucking sick this force social situations hell im part club like  people literally parties stand someone talks cnat talk group cant act interested anyone cant ask multiple questions hard care try think anyones judging doi find someones judging me wish could stay alive want die feel like something would benefit society socially awkward people weird im weird im shy quiet women hate fucking shit hard confident knowing women like confident guys know im life used able give people handshakes normally somehow fuck up im fucking  college making friends im not miss community college social group left left cant fucking go therapy money need therapy money insurance therapy hope right constantly state anxiety im always anxious ive tried drugs alcohol make confident nope im still quiet give fuck talk people still give weird look really hard continue pretending watch faces confused talk someone else say anything bad say boring shit like whats major what like do groom dress decent workouti see results well that still confident hate socially awkward knowing im socially awkward makes worse knowing people hate insecurity hate shyness men hard despise myself hard love nobody giving reasons love myself like someone hated everyone treating others bad person starts loving narcissism know know wtf im life idk fuck going on idk im doing fuck spent  everyday past  days escorts ive lonely keep looking bottle codeine wanting drink thats drug made social ive pulled driving like shit honestly cant figure whats going on im panic mode  cant distract either studying try meditate working negative thoughts destroy mind need help want die do want therapist money dont even know fuck im writing shit