girl interested me thought would escape self loathing id finally found reason give second chancei bullied high school got called ugly lot high school guys really shot self confidence one wanted associate anyone find voice stand bullies caused isolate  develop social anxiety hate myself ive already tried commit redflag two times back high school little sister saving suffocating myself nearly everyday feel like im good enough womans romantic interest see attractive people relationships  makes mad want have makes feel like im meant alone thought previous girlfriend great extremely attracted her really clicked  lost interest ever since  ive working trying rebuild selfconfidence finally built courage verbally flirt girl  something ive trying since th grade hd date  even kissed  tells interested anymore mightve little shy besides idea wrong im left assume looks lack selfconfidence ever want feel like again im also tired much consumerism affects life wish want money attractive  relationship need someone something take mind much hate  dead none would matter