idk must do living dying easyso ive suffering toxic household effects sudden fall grades social anxiety feeling bad myself extremely low selfesteem considering redflag option year now sometimes get depressed start hurting myself now think death could solve problems honestly parents care dead somehow survive suffer entire life  now lot research first attempt hanging retreated later read lot articles paralysis due suicidal hanging right confusedwhether must live die one even cry vent out hug pillow tightly move corner bed cry shit out feel ashamed myself want die nothing else ready accept tolerate pain want survive attempt