probably kill bulk suppressed child abuse memories resurfacea bit scenario here lets say savannah bitten poisonous snake unable move see distance pack hyenas coming towards surely kill state better let poison enter heart die without experience flesh limbs torn body back reality already going pretty rough depressive episode less forced think childhood memories friend asked watching movie new therapist asked could get background first weird remember much time autistics like usually great memories took time mind suddenly presented terrifying flashbacks childhood concerning father already hate eg constantly threatening family threatening siblings take us family health insurance hes mostly life new memories things know whether live with chased around grandmas house cornered bathroom trying strike even people watching him shot cork gun bb gun blamed getting bullied grade school ever since fourth grade problems using hand belt discipline me forced eat jerky animals killed backyard time middle school absolute oldest theres going memories know it forget big moments childhood reason combined fact im survivor sexual assault think mind able let survive less able live college im even doubts whether survive thursday therapist appointment feels like shaped today personality trait lot things scare im victim choice whether would prefer trash person father wanted could childhood person today childhood starting consume life cant trust people say love andor worth father said exact things mentally cannot see getting better worse whether current events im american see life one includes chronic mental anguish im probably whining point im sensitive see nothing like myself cant even trust mind stable death preferrable