hello i hope you are having a good day i have been suicidal for the last year at least i am 9 male idk if that matter and i never told anyone about it because well i am too shy today i built enough strentgh to be able to open up about my suicidal thought to my mother just to feel absolutely destroyed by her reaction she immedately asked if i am autistic no joke and didnt stop saying that i wa telling her this to threaten her or make her feel guilty i wa very confused when i heard that and she still continued doubting my academic performance even though i told her many time i am still doing well in my study then finally she somehow ended up beating me up out of rage telling me that i am lazy that i dont help at home that i dont pay the bill that i dont get the highest grade making feel me like i am burden to everyone well i guess that must be true right i am worthless so i should disappear soon trust me i want to die really badly but i get slapped by reality and i realize how weak i am when i try killing myself i am sorry for being such a disappointment to everyone i am truly sorry