know title need helpi felt really hopeless since probably th grade years things gotten worse good kid high school  gpa completely sober four years despite good life was constantly felt lost since coming college ive begun drown sorrows drugs alcohol im first semester im well school guarantee academic probation come end semester parents paying lot money go school finding im academic probation devastate them feel like disappointment going put edge family members people ive able maintain legitimate relationships with ive ruined friendships people overly sensitive ive ruined every romantic relationship ive ever within month starting lack self confidence everything overall feel im wasting parents hard earned money realize it im going lose too lose them feel like nothing live for suicidal thoughts almost everyday redflag seems like best way go know exactly im looking feel like cant tell things anyone wanted get look advice guess