 london life living torturing without realising it way think messed stemmed early child regretful fixing since last year realised something severely wrong me sense child friends self isolated whole life without knowing affecting kid never went high school remember primary high school came home straight school even go weekends totally warped perspective school took seriously realise anything wrong year haunting me more grew quickly young went far left mum passed  life hit hard anything bad life exaggerated due this like poor got head insecure clothes go clothes saddened could experiences buy things like kids lack support system parents fully care overprotective never showed love like growing never gave advice tips take anywhere like shops normal parents get really jealous friends talk experiences playing sports dad going shopping mum know neglect cannot balme parents care end day abusive also got addicted porn young age sure started remember trying quit  years old remember trip school redflaged watching porn scared going die well  yrs idk dying probably started  obviously probably indirect attempt brain soothe pain time vicious life think worst part first half life lost mum dad worked hard himself stepmom came worked hard eventhough know me hard part nd half loved blindly torturing myself grief childhood never felt like child cannot remember memories high redflag feel like lived negative thousand years feel like  year old going counselling since beginning year barely helps whole life feels like illusion never understood school was never social life recently started developing one realised way lived thought normal hurt teenagers actually psychological torture cannot help keep thinking lived yet even though  hurts  want live anymore