feel socially romantically validated end year im going either jump thfloor apartment window stab death hang myself overdose sleeping pillsenough enough ive tried fitting year old aspergers since   years ive anxious good enough fitting in friends popular finding girlfriend destroyed sense selfworth identity became persona hate never wish grow back into ive recently started discover am even that sucess attending normal elementary school somewhat functioning kids made people validate fitting in normal kids based still base value person that want confident want sucessful anxious time wanna go parties nonsocial outcasts get drunk girl find hot attractive sweet caring girlfiriend loves me finds funny one nice to make laugh take places fall asleep couch watching movies together im unatheletic short country im  average height guys  highpitched voice plain somewhat ugly face girl ever said looked hot ive never gf wanna normal tell wait until someone comes along that  years way im sticking around long fuck that ive suffered enough im gonna go ardeous selfimprovement shit like that id rather die goal life take suicidal friends me position me hope people like us ive lived long enough parents peoples hopes expectations me