i m a m recently diagnosed with autism and adhd i have a long struggled with mental health i have attempted suicide a numerous amount of time been addicted to drug several time and i have given up completely my mum ha cancer and is going into surgery next week to have half of her lung removed my youngest brother ha non verbal autism and i think about what he might be like if he wasn t autistic and all the thing i would ve done with him one of my brother died six hour after he wa born from heart failure and the only memory i have of him is having my photo taken beside his corpse dressed in pjamas before he wa buried a a result i constantly breakdown whenever i remember or see anything from my childhood i wa bullied by my only friend group when i wa because i wa anxious about talking to my crush at the time and it got to the point where they made me extremely suicidal i wa then in an abusive relationship during the pandemic where i wa constantly gaslighted verbally abused emotionally abused insulted threatened with suicide and self harm a a result my severe anxiety and depression ha been increased to a point where i can t even go into school from how overwhelming it is i haven t been in since early february and i m on different medication for my mental health adhd and sleeping problem my life is so fucking miserable and i hate myself my inability to do anything and how i look i just want to completely tear my body apart from how disgusted i am being in my own body and i just want to kill myself more than anything a i know nothing will improve in my life and i will always forever be like this just getting worse and going down a further spiral