i ve been on med for a few year now which have worked for the most part up until last year i contracted an illness which gave me stomach problem and the issue ha kind of persisted ever since my health ha never been great eating disorder and weight issue mainly a well a really unsightly skin but this stomach issue ha taken what life i had away and now a much a i m not screaming and cry about wanting to die it almost feel like a logical step at this point i want to live i want to have a life and live it freely to the fullest but i m trapped now in this body and have to cancel most plan i do make if i couldn t work from home i d probably be jobless and the work that is site based i let people down on a lot which i hate i feel like a failed experiment of a human that should just be put in the bin i feel guilty because of the somewhat privilege i do have but that s still not been enough i ve failed myself and now my body is failing me there s also a history of cancer and tumour in my family which make me scared that i ll lose the ability to use my limb just like my mom and i don t have anyone in my life to take care of me like she doe what s the point in just sitting around and waiting for that time to come every week is a fight to get back on track but it s always step forward and or back i m scared to die but i don t feel like i have a choice i m just putting off the inevitable i don t even know the best way to do it i m even too much of a coward there s always been this one little bit of hope holding me back but that light of hope is getting dimmer by the day