feeling overwhelmed tired lostim  live mom disabled extremely mentally abusive manipulative think borderline personality disorder get help previous attempts failed chased away everyone lives even online friends currently engaged absolutely wonderful guy lives us im canadian take  months year get marriage visa move there know happy light end tunnel keep feeling hopeless mom work income one me feel awful leaving her time seriously damaging me constantly attacks me gives guilt tripe threatens kick out file visa says leave keeps stuffeven end thw street months take much fiancee could lose job worried me cry time feel overwhelmed tried call engagement time seems impossible me keep pushing filing scared moms reaction feel like im failure daughter fiance friend person friends want hear problems anymore blame them ive stuck home situation since dad died years ago even really feel like fake happy fiance stops worrying something cant fix like taking healthy steps impossible cant afford meds last time counsellor involved mom caused many problems forced walk away me keep thinking killing myself know face next year new life cant bare think suffering cause love thought mom probably either disown me make process hell never stop harassing guilt trips part want come home work today start hour keep thinking turning phone nd disappearing ending life alone even know posting do ive helped people various aliases one else talk to sorry long whiny post