livehi redditers posting feel like whilst people around care much cant understand hell exist in  yo female anorexia  bulimia early s diagnosed depression  medicated therapy since ive depressed since then many periods suicidality year ago lost live things free fall care anymore still dont ive problems alcohol drug abuse sober  months moods cycle rapidly often multiple times day recently also diagnosed borderline personality disorder low immunity probably depression get multiple colds flus year polycystic ovaries acne herpes endometriosis lost mum  suddenly brain aneurism stigma herpes devastating could probably deal shit that prospect telling future partners causes much anxiety always use condoms always worry possibility infecting someone else wouldnt wish anyone dont get physical symptoms stigma worse anyway feel dirty damaged like one would want put risk that prospect gossip labelled also terrifying drugged g probably sexually assaulted earlier year say probably dont remember it found naked balcony afterwards dont drive live dad havent able work study year due damned depressed idea want careerwise one true passion life ballet wanted professionally wasnt allowed drop school it quit havent experienced passion happiness like since smart attractive kind family financially secure people always tell look much have makes feel guilty like someone else life scattered friends group depression broken me im end tether matter do always end back here many times someone that im emotionally numb didnt bat eyelid possibility sexually assaulted feel like sack bones floating space ive learnt repress emotional pain point dont feel anymore cant keep shit doesnt get better feel empty heavy time hollow weighed weights made black holes went emergency week ago felt psychotic kept thinking throwing nearby cliff id nightmare woken didnt stop nightmare life im medication go therapy sadness centre always there always end back place torture want sink back earth turn dust