going really hard time lately need ventive struggled alcoholism depression poverty quite bit past quite bit present certain point blacking friends acquaintances couches place place while basically homeless basically wandering aimlessly stopped counting exact days ive sober ago  years ive trouble finding aa meetings area closest area ive found reddit applies problems people whove dealt similar things ive dealt with mostly became sober pure necessity even really hard big motivator used member radical cult recruited bottom luck saw horrible things there treated horribly people managed get treated much worse managed escape easy that time got job apartment even gone apartment likely long welder recently laid due cuts make reason even utilities landlord understanding really tolerated beyond grateful towards him right now really even food quite literally food money food that feel incredibly weak numb mostly ive drunk water hungry quite bit last time low least liquor better nothing really friends lost quite friends feel suicidal much feel tired hungry urge drink badly months least maybe id distraction mostly vent id like someone talk well