phantom noosesive felt phantom noose around neck last two week cant walk past height railing without imagining world feel jump neck snap rope pulls taut hit ground wet splat scenario gets appealing day got fired year ago fulltime job since then parttime work field terrible boring stressful work ive ever done boring work barely uses degreeyou could train anyone read joband stressful theres guarantee assignment last even half time staffing agencies promise hustle send resumes every day keep parttime work ill quit job thats about end work one thats start broke two months this contribute relationship working plenty people jobs make happy always agreed equal partnership cant sos equal im working also depend financial support wed experiences exes leeching us would rather alone leech ive cut expenses bare bones hobbies eating out sold clothes books furniture netflix tv videogames sold too enough internet look jobs cheapest data plan phone company sells even turn lights anymore ive stopped using ac hot water history depression history redflag attempts want talk doctor told truth theyd probably commit and id get fired temp work stuck hospital bill afford dont tell truth theres point talking doctor want told things get better im irrational crazy stupid find platitudes helpful know lurking week common enough pieces advice here let get way right now also want need keep trying doctors find one trust because a cant afford that b do trust doctors serious tmifridays trauma last doctor saw put family through c ive looked states laws involuntary commitment think thoughts urges specific enough qualify and want committed know do want though job life back thats happen