believe anything help mein last three years have  single longest stretch life since age  breaking yet another codependent abusive relationship  sober longest stretch life since age  finally quitting drugs drinking smoking  living alone dog trying learn fill space  steadily therapy  tried variety medication options spent lifetime swearing would never try  completed group therapy program people experienced trauma  formed joined meetupcom ravelry groups gone meetings total strangers try make friends get house  spent nearly two years completely estranged dysfunctional family  gotten back touch parents gotten agree family counseling  made significant career advancements  done well budgeting shitty income  flown far away places visit foreign countries cities meet spend time people strangers colleagues last three years also  continued intermittently selfharm  barely slept  able get week without least one anxiety panic attack  spent countless nights sobbing floor dog unable calm  consistently wished dead  felt completely incredibly painfully isolated alone  experienced loss betrayal two closest friends  felt joy anything life past weekend i  erworthy breakdown  emailed therapist desperate cry help message reply  could actually go er none friends could watch dog hours  watched documentary redflag read redflag notes counted pharmaceuticals adjusted life insurance etc trying steel  stopped believing hope things cannot stand hear  it takes time  you cant see better  things get better  you try xit totally help even know posting this guess wish kind help feel like though