yesterday when i woke up i made my final decision to take my own life i have thought it over and even though there may be other option i decided that i am ready to just simply give up a the ongoing struggle ha made me decide it s not worth the pain i haven t felt anything but numbness for year i ve become obese my body is in terrible shape i ve battled with addiction but somewhat recently ive started to get over it when i finally thought that wa going well and started to be proud i wa met with people who didn t seem impressed and moreso judged the small victory i felt i guess because they didn t realize just how bad my situation wa three week off of hard drug wa a major milestone for me but people said it wasn t good enough and that i wa pathetic for thinking it wa impressive i don t see a bright side a i am finishing college even though i wa given a great job offer because i would just be continuing a life in a city where everyone hate me while i can work a lot and be miserable i am not the type to go out and leave on my own i would do nothing but recluse myself and probably miss home if i moved away i recently came to the realization that outside of the people that are friend with me my public perception is very much that i am a loser my antic have made people that used to consider me a friend not even like me a a person a girl i used to love decided to lead me on somewhat recently just to tell me her friend and everyone else hate me and that she would never consider dating me this wa essentially my tipping point i have decided that thursday night when i am returning from a work trip i am going to park my car on the way home by a bridge i am going to start drinking heavily i will make it look like i lost control a i drive through the rail and into the water those that know me will find this heartbreaking but ultimately not shocking and devastating in the way a suicide might affect them they will be able to cope with the loss without wondering if it wa their fault the only flaw in my plan is i have written a note to be left with my closest friend because one thing i can t do is leave without letting him know how much i appreciated everything he s done for me i simply can not do that but that is one thing that might ruin the hidden intent of my action