want preempt thisill brief because frankly care anymore within days hours something like that absolute love life going tell feels nothing anymore woke one day everything different mind including me loving mate never fought got along perfectly matched right places deeply madly love opened new worlds one another made life worth living going end anything cause it matter end so question is avoid killing myself like idea antidepressants pointless pride prevents getting therapist ive awful depression almost killed there one already several magnitudes worse even really started yet know do