emergency im worriedhey all long time lurker first time poster years ive commented posts shared strategies generally helped felt could however first time podium im  ive suicidal like  years know tricks even gotten point feel episode coming prepare properly anyway month loose seasonal job and break lack success stuff feel real dark periods like  weeks away time something weird happening im scared normally idea might finally fills dread brain completes checklist consequences anxiety bubbles freak out recently though feels great anxious situation thinking leaving like breathing holding hours like im finally getting permission relax before im burdened ideas hurting family friends peers brain accepts moves on days thought redflag zen thing world im immediate danger happen next week ive fought thing bunch times think im starting make peace fact last fight might coming weird thing like anyone else similiar place before let know ps community awesome darkest episodes amazing see people thinking way me lets keep shit up