think deal lifei need talk life im  year old college student ive always scared fucking everything literally everything look letting anyone down treat people education finding job planning move out say point ive also distanced friends family feel much better alone love place myself away everyones fucking bullshit want hear shit already much shit own late night everyones asleep really feel peace fuck sake point tired bottle inside supposed man up everyone says look confident im crumbling shit inside im scared future finishing college getting fucking professional career able live those procrastination always biting ass im afraid measure ideals end putting things last minute normal anyone deal this good way beating this want say want kill myself idea starting seem attractive way deal lifes disappointments  sometimes burst crying feel like smashing head wall even depression want seek professional help stigma behind depression need anyones pity want peace