failed adulthoodi diagnosed depression years ago stopped getting help soon after heard mom talking believe mental illness complained much costed already tried killing twice felt like burden feeling ate away me moved parents  new city got new job left university thought change independence growth leaving would spark something me did things going well started exercising going out social work momentum decided time go back therapy started saving could afford sessions medication ruined everything got fired accepted elderly womans coupon known valid thought good deed thought helping someone loss prevention found owned thinking honesty best told sorry made things worse let go able find job everything saved therapy disappeared bills came around feel like burden best friends live with roommates leave work party im left alone empty apartment cant afford anymore sit room plan note settle drinking fall asleep want get better want stronger feel slipping more know bounce back keep wanting check somewhere going er telling thoughts always back mind hope itll keep something myself im terrified monetary cost