knewif knew years abuse through earliest memories life caused develop depression anxiety fear expressing emotions trying hardest cry least alone behind closed doors knew constant pain put through innocent little girl without mommy thanks marriage ended divorce made sure know war taking everything mommy ever adored courts im even daughter anymore unless count supervised visits last couple minutes took life clothes home papaws belongings gone daughter lost father going divorce told lost custody baby girl people knew many times yelled knowing do  years old drunk driving home grew always ignored leaving home alone get drunk party more  occassions  pick drinking whole night through remember find jacket remember one navy blue got angry threw across room front aunt cousins put arm protect scared  little girl becoming teenager want heard lied avoid punishment scared talk you knew amount times grabbed hair threw floor hit head pushed floor knew slot belongs broken you holes bedroom wall thing threw yelling me never caring pain caused would linger throughout adult years father one ill love lose knew much wish mess emotions wish could tell im sorry took venting right rude always appreciated loving kind wish knew loved every moment spent getting closer you wish knew amount love you knew find love could heal past abuse a