hey thing keeping alive possibility study abroadi fucking feel guilty raped fingering count rape saying count rape sitting crying making finish could leave count rape still feel like thats fault fault fault went dorm stayed even though didnt want to thought id help get francisco made everything much worse hate making decision hate saying nothing nothing hate look hate feel hate body soul heart im ugly twisted little thing thats limping around hurt cant get fact theres nobody else blame cant blame him stupid didnt know doing cant blame world fuck world even define that cant blame francisco even wasnt that bad least told truth sometimes terrible gross disgusting rest world im waste space contribute nothing take everything dont give anything return parents barely call mom never say love her ask ask ask dad things never give anything back literally definition excess waste nothing important act like deserve important voice head thats disillusioned positive fuck think is