constantly feeling stressed suicidal anxietyridden ive enough someone fucking stop thisso probably going turn wall text ill try keep short sweet guess started year ago first panic attack  horrible ive never really recover ive constantly downwards spiral anxiety constant throughout day time never truly giving break sometimes manageable im room daytime anywhere else fucking painful cancer even things like movies themeparks make want cry puke anxiety sometimes get lucky get couple minutes burst endorphins quick put anxiety background everything difficult now anxiety caused worse worse mental health memory focus completely shot cant sleep night typing  am cant even get sleep unless theres sunlight coming in causing vicious cycle sleeping  am  pm ive tried much get back normal body simply cooperate go bed  pm ill wake hour later sweat bursting energy cant use exhausting it want normal sleeping pattern  pm  am appetite control im hungry day starving night hate fucking much past six months selfharm suicidal thoughts becoming worse day bombarded thoughts hanging myself throwing stairs chocking out sometimes close eyes see grotesque image its becoming frequent friends im going insane that parents completely emotionally unavailable useless every time bring up get stepped ignored constantly keeping leash refusing let house decree even single fucking friend hell fucking teenager friend hell could stupid jesus fucking christ grace found job get house parttime theres nobody around help causing many problems every day feels exhausting terrifying nothing feels real anymore emotions thoughts clashing like waves brain fucking stop mean im woozy faintish whenever stand up motivation game write anymore used love everything hurts now honestly want die get hell with want rest want everything stop im fucking honestly helpless far gone know would even want live got better worst year fucking life hopefully last