tomorrow going home visited dad first time year probably last time ever plan equipment date even time know stop me friends more like acquaintances know mental health optimal family life family abusive anything dysfunctional one knows thought daily last months one last therapy session goes down unrelated issues seriously doubt going tell anything all get tiny little moments doubt like right now sure choice pass way soon mindset completely decided it everything cold meaningless here supposed stuff plan stuff good person really want disappear one fucking day wake wish not drift middle conversations fantasizing ending it snappy total nightmare around starting lose grip reality fucking hard deal bullshit stuff bad going get worse want happens ask this want this want this fuck know want know whatever is would never able achieve it know trying here sorry hope grandma sad think anymore