sure say here looking talked need talk outso im sure people would envy life im still kinda young mid s wife daughter full time job home im loved family im respected professionally too sent wife running house crying knife throat reason cut would family ive wanted end years now wife keeps telling bad itll end it im sure itll worse stay heres story since afghanistan keeping two thoughts together challenge came home  months combat unscathed home relax drank drunk year doctors base threatened put institution sober up lied said sobering up didnt drank quietly months met girl would become wife years felt good calm sobered real got married kid wedding started getting angry angry stupidest shit always getting angry angrier become am simplest thing set off cant see straight cant think even im angry distract reddit xbox movies always work especially tablet game crashes really sets off ive counselling since got back fools quest every doctor either stereotypical joke pushes pills get military so end explaining things talk now im wits end cant think clearly see clearly except im thinking ending it thing keeping would family im afraid working anymore im positive stayed id damage wife not physically emotionally daughter would end like me angry distraught distant like said im talked down wanted somewhere could talk out im going today ill need find place method make worse anyone walking traffic would fuck whoever hit me jumping building would fuck anyone saw eating bullet would create mess want family see want gun community another statistic hanging would leave someone find me could get boat id step side tied bag rocks kind want family body bury is crazy writing actually helped calm down now next time think may walk never return thanks reading