cannot decide whenmy parents visiting right now wait till friday want husband love thing stops going thinking upset hed be cant hold longer month two now every night close eyes think hanging rope thought soothes lot pain gone wish way reboot myself isnt strength live everyday force wake up get ready go work come back home try live routine life work think alive anymore helps lot solution see ceasing exist begged support difficult taken seriously pretend everything fine externally yearned feeling wanted needed life maybe oversensitive wanted months till time tough love jokes happy around words everyday much mean him fantasize fatal car accident without hurting anyone else course one needs know killed myself easier everyone get it cannot strong anymore sure do it waiting till friday seems impossible now