context post struggled depression life position anything before recently never problems going on always serious issue slammed eight things work way around every day order actually function lot happened past two years stabler notredflag friends like i cannot really talk issues never experienced long lasting significant mental health issues personally told me understand frame reference understand going through things deal past six seven years extreme mood swings crushing apathy towards anything loss interest activities eating etc mostly died would call normal levels almost everyone experiences life manageable guess lack better words downside meant week long sometimes even months long depressive episodes sudden onsets debilitating depression its depression severe bland dictionary meaning severe feelings despondency despair way explaining it gone pushed side lines order deal stuff front centre life now cry commute back forth classes two weeks ago feelings depression would crushing week suddenly peaked skipped last two classes genuinely feel mentally able concentrate focus bad felt depressed was wish exaggerating order make coherent simple case yeah proof debilitation depression affects life  not say every day fight majority goes avoid friends hide bathrooms intervals breaks normal capable human interaction again even know head around friends make feel better seeing remind matter stupid things mentally right there sometimes win sometimes not feels like uphill battle none lessons learn being friends good isolate yourself get retained remembered idk brain muscle memory anything best years managed keep one step forward two steps back herculean effort take another one step forward balance things again cycle know going get harder intense school next year increase workload general insanity redflag uni applications important exams determine future decisions making year supposed plans next five years life right feels like opportunity take kind action medication lmao get used side effects academic stakes still relatively manageable even makes cry sometimes guess always money made feel  getting diagnosed leftover remains seriously mentally ill being alive waste money complex hahaha counsellor seeing past three something years tried broach topic possible diagnosis depression just opinion mgiht wrong let say opinion disagree based know seeing semi regularly last years two weeks ago same day missed last two classes lmao shot really pathway getting diagnosed least me end medication friends people diagnosed major depressive disorder among depression disorders took medication fallen contact due past year lockdown pandemic etc still remember talking side effects medication whether really worth still pain still struggling even medication talking made realize right could get worse treatment taken potentially severe side effects worth feeling like hell obstructed mind every day life the issue parents despite knowing almost zero absolutely nothing depression mental health issues genuine quote one i know nothing understand need explain me medication terrible side effects ruin life yet still manage hardline antimedication lack better words views percieved horrific life ruining side effects medication worth despite side effects