maybe death fastest way outthrowaway obvious reasons ive raised abusive parents make feel like shit berating small thing ive done wrong bringing past mistakes like fucking scrapbook feels like horrible unhealthy lifestyle would willingly leave small chance standing ominously around like vultures ive subject verbal abuse  years physical abuse first  yo feel anymore compassion parents great academically ive picking pace starting work towards better future however nothing seems change perception me view waste space money money could spending better stuff son want last ive contemplating redflag  years now understand live anymore always thought good child small things one took note grateful for cant live household parents might end point youll never amount anything fucking life cant even keep shit together i understand hes aiming be you lazy fuck playing games never studying slacking off even waste money going school i want help people ive always wanted doctor you want become fucking doctor yeah right quit school go work would useful slightest huh funny im studying become doctor occupation saves lives yet cant save myself funny irony works world tonight night ive cracked decided act upon wishes ever since middle school written long facebook post going end myself people truly came support middle school classmates ive better family school hoe life set ultimatum end year nothing changes im going take fathers firearm shoot head it better live drowned alive course ive thinking long hard whether go it seems dead husk might well saving grace eye parents seems ill either become stronger this leave world forever friends would maybe go way help someone im afraid damage could cause leaving suddenly brother person love envy most never gone ive gone through get berated abused baby family take blunt blows like punching bag even punching bags break really know im post maybe bit solace empathy people going experiences also edge much closer blissful kiss death guess im also looking reason live defy odds win war attrition them want pity want reason smile laugh ruins wall parents ravaged im sorry wordiness seems much empathetic real writing image words hey thanks reading reddit pretty cool place ive come many times back find solace real pain leaps every step goodbye may last chapter ever come across ampxb