need help advise anythinghello fellow redditors hope wonderful day bit background depressed individual who life dealt best can depressed since wee age eight young boy feelings sadness loneliness unfamiliar became bully time realized mean help much middle school found peace books learning continued high school true deppression came fruition scolar high hopes ambitions changed academic dreams shattered moved best could went college dropped out found decent job nonetheless tried luck love multiple times failed right now alone friends support plee paradoxes id like start things cherish life anything go socialize much possible best friend knows depression live mostly care free life sad part never clinically diagnosed depression know damn well suffer it made attempt life multiple times failed attempts damn suck too mostly hide sadness either funny dick suffer insomnia spend nights thinking creative ways end existence going years managed deal going friends messing stuff somehow able get rid feelings many days simply want disappear think affected break down want end life cant live sense know make whole lot sense dont know whats wrong me tend push people away me often ill use awkwardness say things mean like talking feelings often become hostile feel less people know higher chance get hurt know anymore currently wraps honest know anymore im entirely sure ill able stop future attempt myself cant alone anymore tldr depressed several years made attempts life need help stop myself