going drown tomorrowi terrible gambling addiction general bad person truly believe potential good good heart someone profound said the road hell paved good intentions like here good intentions get life together inevitably sucked back vices hold me expect anybody understand cant stop gambling wasnt position would share views shame thrust world fault own expected make something ourselves yet us would better returning primordial ooze wherest came report back tomorrow unsuccessful guess either put euphemistcally pass away near death experiance which knows could life changing going go surfing late local uncrowded surf break know ledges put longest leg rope surf board im going space monkey swim hook leg rope ledge pass out body automatically breath salt water hoping enough kill me know space monkey hyperventiate  breathes breath hold breath til quickly pass out used high school shits gigs also highly intoxicated hopefully increase probabilty success hopefully fail like everything else life choosing drown want burden family idea committed redflag really shame pretty amazing potential us squander it well atleast have also relatively short life space negative impact im  years old still living home pay rent money bank car cleaning work even spend money ive lost  grand sisters money managed pay last year ripped people selling racing tips promising people would make lot would sent negative ripples this everything matters hope anyone reading this hope alright edit post tomorrow night means removed gene pool cya