struggling long never able venti loathe hopelessly unhappy want die that like cruel joke tell anyone low ostracized berated guilt tripped how selfish am met empathy world keeps selfishly saying dont want die piece shit coward miraculously wonders depressed people reach out ive talked friends just stop depressed dude ive talked therapists years take lots drugs admit super depressed ruin life flag dangerous person theres one talk to talking literally makes worse seems reason besides fear going hell killed know mom would die grief mom managed get diagnosed cancer bit tick get lyme disease get bit brown recluse spider one day considering recovering breaking legs arm feet accident still cant recover partner  years telling go kill think hold much longer cant help see life sick comedy terrible is laugh world laughs you cry cry alone guess wanted rant talk myself sorry bother annoy anyone