existence hopefully coming end maybe idkmy mind always races races find sickly foul way commit redflag time tries distance family friends give trauma mind races public online im alone find people act ways appease try get good side feel like im needed im naturally kind others time im always toes constantly guarding others incase say mugged kidnapped attacked etc trust anyone im always thinking im wrong compared others opinions politically morally etc difficult think anymore im self conscious stomach way walk close others order draw attention worry seeing hearing well forgetting shit ton things barely think that fucking burden blackened hole heart mind make better want never hurt anyone want alone forever im worthy relationships allowed live never existed fucking hate depressive asshat mind time find comfort it knowing pain go away know how maybe years move out maybe pandemic maybe bleeding alleyway alone maybe quick death gun shot know im hoping happen just hope im cut away everyone ive ever known never seen again fuck existence fuck humanity fuck self conscious fuck world all fuck existence