ive given life yet im still alivei constantly think killing myself ive done endless amounts research trying figure methods least likely fail ive planned redflag again setting dates writing notes yet ive never gone it maybe im lazy maybe im unmotivated mostly think afraid failure really know im going this anyway feel like im constantly waiting waiting magically get better waiting perfect opportunity kill myself like im stuck inbetween place im able get better time im able end suffering mentally completely given living even attempt live life anymore physically im still here know im here certainly want here am