change plan kill soon possiblethe thing preventing lack apposite resources and unsurprisingly laziness dont know best organize obligatory list reasons im sold thing definitely dont need life story im temperament go rant would laced expletives lamentations selfloathing sporadically reveal rationale coincidental cipher randomness inelegant although fits mood guess cliff notes fine never want be personality ive dreamt complete fiction even though may stages phases moments life possess ideal qualities im degenerating every respect ive never skill except lost never many begin with never anything except fail quite humiliating catastrophic fashion that im stupid literally dont understand things cognitive powers and use term almost ironically rapidly deteriorating cant talk people anymore cant hold conversation cant make joke there brief period funny guy thats exactly would want summative ascription lose ability funny one redeeming features saving grace one qualities could seize wistful poignant joy say thats mine hard thing im super slow cant respond slur words point people literally cant understand me etc say wrong things instead right things now is manage say anything all somehow manage humiliate even quotidian circumstances unimpressive reticent humorless anonymous forgettable misunderstood make misunderstood external factors exacerbate misery ill name em reaffirm internal ones really ones pushed edge ive making  month past  months something dont care money id happy poverty line absolute lack financial independence add consonant notes cosmic orchestra playing cant anything e minor fair interview soon first one long time dont expect get it theres direction take except im blocked path pursue except im cut off endeavor undertake except fail mean literally yo im exaggerating almost comical health taken nosedive would bear grace taking toll cant really go like this even stay sane cant eat much anything without arousing sort deleterious disabling mental physical reaction theres nothing gross going on though thank god that going long now dont know began perniciousness accelerating anyway ive kind digressed point real issue things outside self mere horror worldly tribulation might keep depressed fact problem ways insoluble makes suicidal things fundamental immutable qualities changed arent problem biggest challenge existential combustion result solutions problems talking isnt going make back cliff dont think need solutions im writing mainly hopes miracle god one suggests something strikes me moves way partly catharsis partly because even going ultimately solve anything im human sometimes people talking feels good tldr dont want kill myself cant see survivable options change plan ama want too ps im posting real account without privacy browser apparently willing breach manner civility track peoples locations im tech savvy enough stop regardless listen let tell right now dont track me going make feel humiliated thats part led first place please please dont molest anonymity got think youll knight shining armor chivalrously ignoring wishes youre working best interests no no youre villain egotist dont hurt anymore am dont full yourself ____________ thank reading end did wish reward end long arduous journey you take love consolation prize x xoxo