seriously thinking taking life everything needed too stilla days ago pretty dark me still cant find decent enough job enough hours start saving cash think lost last friend one call text broke down stop crying hours while started packing bag warm clothes water got paper wrote notes even one friend stopped talking me left house outside waiting sun go would try end life made sure letters secured book bag made sure phone  already called hit send made sure id cards bag knife hand staring mid mind started go own imagined long would take die lying woods bleeding out wondered long would take police ambulance show pushed send thought mom would react found out wondered friend would even get news took life thought whether vision would go white fade black brain really mind fucked put thought forefront everything well going this hit me stopped tracks paralyzed completely still minutes what fuck mean this believe god heaven devil hell believe ill turn ghost haunt body family friend would dead wanted fear pain would put through knew would giving peace cant accomplish stayed alive would over came home everyone else came home not like would noticed gone days put everything away still letters sealed envelopes knife tucked bed clear head mindfuck brain put take life still plan cant get help need