hi early s right teen recently depressed borderline suicidal never told anyone scared internalize every negative feeling get which currently working on past year found amazing friend group online love dating one quite issue keep making edgy jokes suicide mind jokes since edgy sometimes gets lot joke hey name go kill something  times minute mentioned longer suicidal definitely moments past couple months overwhelmed sadness wanted die either way main issue person partner absolutely love much point jokes like ruin day give extremely much redflag terrified telling want either ruin fun want act different me know mad anything mostly scared something could completely change relationship since would become like emotional baggage and already enough thati mentioned sometimes deal lot redflag used really bad never anything else could possibly tell this try best ignore leave chat goes on tell someone suicidal past