want kill myselfi want kill happened back parents started showing attention siblings me bad gradually disconnected started staying room day playing video games started going without come oldest younger sister started hurting eg kicking me punching pinching complained parents nothing one day kicked hard possibly could complained jack shit hit back hitting shouting screaming shit like boys shouldnt hit girls asked hit said take like man game sister idea could hurt get away continued horrible thing experienced couple weeks ago full bottle mine mothers body wash sink fucking mixture  fucking years old laughed parents left said wasnt paying didnt yeah dont want shitty family ive assholes general annoy school time friend slammed football face purpose laughed called weird blocked him theres ton shit could barely write without breaking apart need advice want kill badly right