need little supporthi im new here looked briefly rules best follow them please let know say something wrong suicidal ideation since  decade now side effect depression im used it ive learned lot coping skills really good controlling days ive actually really well lately exactly crossed mind months couple weeks ago friend mine brother committed redflag brutal whole family talked offered condolences kept distance today heard another aquaintence whose boyfriend committed weekend close either again offer condolences stay bay honestly though im really hard time coping ive always quick trigger comes hearing someone else it surprised handled first one well did one making things difficult feeloff like little dissociative apathetic usual im afraid whats going underneath emotions bubble way surface want tell anyone know everyone understandbly high alert copycats around here know fall high concern list many loved ones guess needed get chest somewhere judge worry me understand mean say things feel guilty like im making tragedies even really mine also know perfectly valid someone history struggling right now guess need reassurance im alone here