see endi see end life days away could mean killing changing thought process try again would like start fact everything world im young adult lovely relationship loving family enough income get by decent savings account ive met god understand meaning god every loving hating action she does feel like im kill anyway know tremendous sadness destruction bring loved ones everyone cares me yet still want kill myself this th year suicidle thoughts depresstion thought started two months ago remembered actually matter since life slowly falling apart mean good deeds going unseen way longer even selfish actions favours either part  got promtion workplace manager find promotion lead walking egg shells boss every action started get micro mangered recent covid situation making customers crazy leads egg shells ieds them guess smarten started follow everything book still good enough them everyday still getting called old misbehavours even though them wtf right part  everything owned started break replasement ideams broke to headphones bust go bye new pair within week new pair break go get another pair guessed it new ones broke too stero system busted game get try escape reality breaking glitches galor bunch crashes new cyber punk game hoped end spiral sadness broken start ps ok maybe problem im bying stuff others dad wants metal signs kitchen thought getting cool signs vintage shop brought home hung wall first thing hear mouth tell price why fuck spend much money signs fucking waste exact words becuase awhile ago energy rub face week later buys new toy something need money get first place worry theres go on part  think anyone understand everytime try speak it get shot down could boyfriend mom dad even bosses coworkers get nothing hell even people tell do example tell bring phone work dont next day tell need phone work bring fact allowed phone work say test following day ask take phone again power trip wanted yell someone part  im young adult one actully trusts yet tried get loan told pay plan it got denied paper work pay stubs becuase get payed staight bank account tried get apartment denied tried  places denied going back work im trusted job even im job properly book come yell something preseve job part  said met god devil real hell even earth form video games what hell constint villance place looks quite real real enough make keep going cant feel dam thing god love concept anyway im trying good man even one excepts good deeds know im slave devil form art must make art otherwise feel feeling unless part  final chapter started becuase remembered matter one person world  billion people art special another artist great job shitty job everyone around still thinks beautiful thing theyve seen got promotion deceided me need stress see newest employee get spot even though said got position needed trust takes alot time trust employees guess lie told people think im going sober got bunch cares was sober month till needed smoke get head space bunch stuff part  fact forgottenwas never important all live long life become important become emortalish though art put world still nothing long enough timeline forgotten keep going everything nothing everyone around tells love everytime speak im feeling push aside like im acting crazy understand im saying start new type theropy tueday hopefully figure out secertly think going work im pretty sure suicidle thoughts contine point except fact cant run fate ampxb thank reading ill push though like always do one meaning life its get close divinity spread rays mankind