middle nowhereim stumped fact think everyone stumped comes life things bad  im well top school friends care great relationship family nontheless im lost ive social anxiety since  years old finally realized live way halfway high school saw therapist psychiatrist ive several medications every one works well  months later side effects emerge reason sweat constantly live northeast right still come home covered sweat every evening ever since first medicine id taken im still way even without medications face gets flushed hours like clockwork every night   every evening ive dermatologists tried rosacea meds tried laser treatments kept food logs tried extra exercise exercise assumed psychological yet even tonight saturday evening nothing im sitting typing icepack face life now every evening involves sitting trying help avail ive gone days without eating thinking sweating flushing could caused something im putting inside me im medical student even realize stupid im still desperate two dermatologists said theyre stumped cannot help either issue all returned psychiatrist admitted current medicine could cause told lower dosage problem lower dosage makes incredibly depressed something never emerged before reluctantly agreed lowered it difference minimal best call says go back higher dosage still know higher dosage causes problems me im stuck lower dosage makes depressed anxious doctor telling take higher dosage may well causing physical symptoms making even anxious addition crippling stomach problems gastroenterologist unable find cause for problems come around ill spending hours curled ball bed thing seems help cramps additionally sleep hair quickly falling out joints hurt ive blood tests thyroid problems vitamin deficiencies lyme disease celiac disease everything according every doctor see happy healthy twentysomething parents constantly tell head bring up ive tried highvitamin diets supplements thinking may cause ive tried like right now nothing bread water days ive lost thirty pounds since september am list medical problems  doctors say exist  parents insist purely due mind feel like im eaten away inside physically psychologically im anxiety depression medication causes problems higher lower dosages psychiatrist im paying  dollars per visit saying options higher lower dosage take lesser two evils want know cannot function without something feel like im eaten alive physiologically mentally ive yet find someone believe say dreading college class subconsciously hating family crap ill beat someone say literally billions people worse me every day see children cancerous tumors slowly spreading throughout bodies spend days smiling laughing nonetheless im point see hope patient terminal cancer least told truth prognosis patient curableyettoughtobeat illness responding treatments least someone says i know nothing working were going keep trying stop start making feel better heterogeneous group people different relationships professions telling go home push head is feel like boy cried wolf comes health mental issues know something wrong nobody else take word it am im hope helping problems ive had ive done share ive seen multiple experts ive tried putting smile pretending world fine thing think perhaps death better this deal physical mental health problems think deal nobody believes say might something wrong beyond he feel well know typed shared this honest maybe want get chest regardless anyone brave wall text want thank wish happy weekend