want happy want die wish never born first placemy parents two ignorant people good people ignorant fact existing pain think pain because think much thinking much case means realizing shit living in realizing alive much proves point living worst yet able understand living sensation alive existing like multiplying pain already unbearable thought slashing flesh liquid holds alive absurd ask me fucking liquid red liquid reason suffering fucking liquid pouring mind organ ridiculous form colour details mass shit fucking flesh fucking frail flesh cannot stand anymore taking lexapro month half now shit work fucking shit fucking work doctor insists continue taking it fuck fuck medicine would alive matter dump money fucking pill pack fuck shit cannot stand alive cannot stand existing