thinks time see point anymore working shitty job gf split year ago sick way succeed anymore nothing name reason keep going moved already entire reason see succeeding point infertile ex wanted kids could give made feel less man hopefully new boyfriend give that keep going  reason to want work shitty job pay live even want to even want anyone know feel alone entrapped like world closing know do want take gun head leave all want relapse drugs temporary numbness want permanently numb everyone always asks okay always try make seem like okay okay soon ill free cruel world emotions bad mentality really took over forget check people never know going it think time