everyone ups downs everyone goes though good bad days however realized missing something more feeling like even though told heard feels like quite opposite feeling misunderstood long remember catching me almost communication parents friends busy life girlfriend  years left couple days ago exhausted true need find settle things me lacking motivation past years nothing feel inspired by nothing drives feel like another person awaits time go suicidal thoughts before time scare guess asking help help see haveare feeling way coping holding tothank reading unable find happiness peace