perceived terrifies years suicidal ideation plans cannot tell anyone know overreact refuse give privacy weeks again makes things much worse know typing this actually intend post it impermanent draft way allow express it want rest want die sick dismissed invalidated bring symptoms parents doctor sick parasite living parents basement tired existing like this soon chance going looking lorazepam hidden me full bottle enough want reassurance platitudes guess mostly wanted say it want die years much coward go it past attempts got found careful enough goddamn tired really know posting