im lost roadbeen struggling lot heavy depression recently lost  family members grandma raised grew since little boy  uncles tia always supportive encouraging ive battling lot health issues well people tell go ahead get life together not havent able properly jump start vehicle get place uncle close kid admire appreciate lot hes always one cool uncles got diagnosed cancer right broke girlfriend said shit shouldnt oh well parents never really there one considered mom dad grandma shes one whod take doctors mexico not im left alone ive dealing horrible suicidal thoughts day actually thinking bout taking xanax not bumping one lil peeps songs another song driving expressway seeing attempt would successful theres nights break crying break pain everything hard really cant control thoughts dont want go psych ward dont help want drug up idk guess overwhelming im constantly throwing up im constantly faking smile faking im ok one loves fucks more year ago people wanted now ones ok though im used it oh well cant wait  another life disaster pandemic doesnt help honestly haha