really not cannot hold job end showing cannot take mental load fucking pathetic  working since  already burnt mentally really fucking pathetic cannot show anymore something make happy point going bring joy least worth time cannot it also pathetic people offer solutions none solutions want sure would probably help solve problem make happy literally want now want feel something good someone really close killed last weekend even go fucking funeral going make feel better go think ill regret long time tried therapy tried meds dna testing done fucks sake see meds body metabolize best know handful body actually metabolize tried half already either make worse make numb sure id rather have neither want exist anymore guts commit really wish did think gets better