think im control freak im also tiredi think anyone would shocked died ive long history mental illness neglectfulemotionally abusive childhood high school dropout etc met h  current boyfriend broken me without getting it jumped relationship h patient kind nightmarish volatile hateful semblance healthy relationship was and still dont know recognize someone actually loved me together  years broke seemed like final time thing is h sick entire time id known him cancer still always unrelenting bitch bit ego him guess blame much genius iq dealt crazy family members whole life ever catch fucking break reason  feel like dying h deserve life dealt good boy sweet boy started relationship someone else months later h wants get back together panic tell im single im  relationships  years pass h gets sicker feel guilty even kissing him boyfriend  shitty girlfriend shitty person love him loves even though bad person smart perfect grows sicker still get bored talks much youtube videos hes able leave house socialize agoraphobia depression make hard visit often bad person it foolishly believe get better handle polyamorous thing absolutely handled h dies sleep unexpected month pass month pass tired people continue come short comparison waiting waiting waiting baby