im doneits th birthday tomorrow surprised im still im excited anything anymore know everyone wanting pretend like like always mean difference today tomorrow legally drink till cant fuckin see  idk find ever look people older anymore cant understand still everyone seems pathetic im worse fucking bullshit want pull trigger already look pills take every day change brain chemistry feel false happiness wonder took would even die would end disabled would even pathetic scenario ive weak far cant even find proper way im much pussy go jump bridge dont even know could hang myself dont want anymore wish would end dont want get older one step stupid fucking nothingness