talking optionsi want say im imminent danger right now im bed thoughts feelings week longer actually since  started hurting myself releases pain inside struggle deal myself often think dying would like die would less painful easier found quicker walking car seems unfair ever driver is painkillers cliche are well thats meant painful done properly thought irreversible damage changing mind seems daunting think hanging seems safe option falling height hitting concrete little hardcore ive suffering depression anxiety years started take medication it kept telling okay things would go away moods would change ill begin met someone covid lockdown hit off things good beginning things took turn became suspicious paranoid her feeling lead feeling insecure good enough pleaded me hindsight listened pregnant now im happy baby mine clear things up although thoughts feelings never really went away started unbelievably cunt get details past months hardest her feel cunt never put stress have im facing court charge spoke solicitor im probably facing prison time baby getting signed name father cannot together anymore reasons caused personal reasons cant really contest that hurts like motherfucker im damned im made example courts ive genuinely enough bullshit life im living hearing lame excuses tomorrow another day think family well thats made mind this lost job too soon months pay gone too one nice blow  litres vodka later ill swinging balcony like bauble wind want this plenty reason to  children feel selfish leaving behind fatherless get see much bothers them ill going away new year while ive before kind thing follows ever go unborns mother currently custody battle child charges hinder chances getting result wants child stay alive ill go bullshit centers seeing baby months maybe years assessed im bad person danger child said something really shitty intoxicated really fucked things myself anything quiet poetic choice end life kind like last sorry die battle things pinned ill longer issue courts eyes thats something ill happily go thinking plan yet want enjoy freedom now see things plan change close incarceration ill put actions motion really know anyone say reading make difference doubt it im fed living am shit hole flat heating middle winter ive turned drink im big drug taker dabble bit green then mainly sleeping medication doctor really help feel neither it anxiety stuffs amazing like really slows heart rate down wonder take quiet alcohol itll stop heart sleep know ill google one might strong enough would peaceful ill leave note shell get one kids dad ill probably post heartfelt status facebook memoir fakebookers life good take right choices ive really screwed mine theres going back