sabotaged academically want diemy school work far biggest problem right now immediate one slept night class  hours im failing classes senior year weeks behind every single one classes done multiple projects tests tried catching looking fucked am making feel discouraged want give again truth loathed years feel like ive died inside used well school ive fell behind partially due numbness partially feel like deserve well so sabotaged myself now slowly realizing graduate even fucked would mean ive wasted years moms life buying school supplies driving school honestly want kill myself tried one two summers ago got scared last minute told anyone burden many ways really cherry top wanted die since  cant explain teachers get family involved whole fucking shit show another problem longer even focus on understand school work swear god brain shrunken something nothing sticks anymore like good spending hours nothing worrying finding reasons hate myself literally know way dying fault know do want get back regular suffering without top point