everything hurtsmy best friend saved life day kind weird think now thinking back hours mean try it always weird always me weird numbness feeling acceptance almost thinking feelings odd gonna hang night plan asked okay started asking things loved which mean distracting me know were worked even know bad was still dont makes feel worse mean really nice know good friends idea someone would miss hurts hurts lot last time bad anyone like that feel bad everything feeling way notes plans feelings everything id hurting people makes everything worse hate feeling way big spiral keeps going want die feel bad people love makes feel worse makes want end all keeps going like that constant feedback loop hurt physically emotionally nothing left give theres energy going spare yet keep pushing past limits help people keep life even despite many things getting much better last year want go want hurt anymore wish easily distracted