sinking feelingmy girlfriend left me id always felt like waste gotten expelled back middle school thats first tried take life swallow pills easily ended taking anywhere near enough hurt myself wailed smacked head floor finally made unconscious one knew except brother found note left page scrabbling shoved couch wanted die on highschool odd time id spent eating lunch alone stairwells horrible student motivation every week wanted die got arrested menace friend parents forbade seeing me became truly alone tried breaking out joined schools football rugby team went denied freshman year starter senior junior talk anyone teams anymore never went parties except athletic award theres way remember years one ever took picture memy parents never came game became cynical faked played cool cat feel drugs drove drunk high times care admit id drive fathers motorcycle near kmh hilly roads countryside regard others id sometimes close eyes hope id veering course it id break crying pretty often randomly things explain it sometimes id look mirror notice frowning intensely tearing up hurt way cant describe feel university rolled around getting high everyday every day failed program first semester ah side garbage current girlfriend ex introduced friend shed room late night floormates would tease locked door time friend told theyd bang id begun lose weight went  current  past year id think love someone would mean something yelled publically telling me confided in she actually never asked life feeling used talk get him awh man fuck