dont want die sometimes alive muchim  years old dads side abused brainwashed me made blame mom divorce rift family happened eight granny on dads side threatened kill last year screamed betrayed her dad didnt believe me blamed told apologise couldnt dont want relationship anymore hates im moms daughter thats something cant change blame everything dad recently asked talk couldnt understand told didnt want contact her stresses out things theyve said hurts head ive lot mental breakdowns recently hate myself live mom relationship bit awkward im working it sinking feeling chest crawls spine behind throat