edge backi  fell love wonderful girl drove away  years later due alcoholism bottle flushed away aspirations attorney then  dated around started new path found something else good found wonderful woman got married drank occasion never overindulged done that life good new job higher pay  american dream one evening comes living room proceeds i want divorce im attracted you hate here shattering moment drove back bottle knew it hammer cocked sobbing uncontrollably front her wanted die ill never forget feeling cocked gun pointed towards head everything felt control regained it liberating feeling feel much control ill never forget cold steel felt pressed side head something inside decided let go tell you gets better im  quite lonely grew middle class yearning life went college enjoyed immensely went grad school lost myself embarked new career path found myself  years later lost myself whatever going easy im  newly single going wicked divorce reflect happened two weeks ago think great feels knowing glock fail went lowest bidder spring