seems like woken today knowing thinking full clarity sitting desk thinking mistakes made  feel calm scared lost everything lead fault manipulative second language hurt people meant everything me marriage failed held tight needed let go words say apologize take back pain caused suffocating eventually cheating her still crosses mind everyday even relationship tried everything right failed inherently bad person gaslighting without even knowing made miserable point fight air lungs get away ill never know make right you hope someday forgive meeven joined navy sense normalcy life messed left little pocket meant to stay awake night suffocating memories almost dying hope morning light bring life every part knows situation would pain now terrible person know deserve happiness life calm knowing calm knowing everything end somehow lowest ever felt also calmest ever felt anyone takes time read this thank you everything end