cant stand aloneive feeling lonely lately really know do sexually abused child depressed cutting close  years though past  months  ive therapy well mental hospital half year helped lot left college last fall things going downhill ever since  ive always big family alone apartment really difficult me ive slept floor beside pc past  weeks noise blinking makes feel relieved less alone tried moving back bed twice times ive anxiety attacks panicked  cant stay weekends thought alone long absolutely terrifying me visit parents id like get another pet my dog staying parents fear able properly care it additionally lend parents money even took loan promised itd weeks turns itll take longer borrow made rent otherwise made really angry much fact make it still said theyd pay well rent due i already paid then im trying really hard get life control ive way worse ive genuinely happy little im point ask really worth  overall pretty good perspective im getting rich means usually enough cover bases apartment study field im interested top university found things enjoy doing thats quite improvement able get morning needing hurt every day still feel like riding stupid rollercoaster cant seem get stop  go here ive considered going back therapy think im worth time mean ive much worse think could handle little depressed angry sometimes without selfdestructive suicidal always go kind rage makes feel terribly helpless and want walk traffic _ anyone that specifically alone thing able get feelings level cope with phew feel lot better already writing this took quite time  sorry little incoherent thank anyone took time read d edit jesus thats horrible wall text ill try make little readable s edit found another thing im really bad at formatting d think id hard 