life always revolves around redflagthat life about think about strive for want goals life first attempt redflag  fucking  sitting hill motor bike xr  took helmet off jumped bike without really thinking it went full speed hill towards parked truck closed eyes breathed cool air dust woke hospital  broken arms tracheostomy tube cut neck  made friends neighbour cute girl age thought would badass way die killed pitbull expected chained dogs attacked straight away went it got good hold hip bone father jumped balcony  story whipped dog face steel cap boots pulling away dog never let go meaning got chunk me always creative kid  made device pulley system dam designed went underneath pulled rope would keep get out one cousins coming play saw finishing touches it told raft could fish with helped played little catch anything diagnosed cancer  much energy kill myself  discovered evolution happiest studying that  antidepressants swallowed   minute little later mother comes notices sweating looking good rushed hospital cleaned stomach put fluids  put plastic bag head spray deodorant inside it plastic pressed button extract gas bag tied around neck cutting oxygen went sleep woke middle night bag beside me  reconnected rough cousin well knowing probably something painless death mm wanted look kept bullets another locked box gave would obvious asked see bullets suicidal want sent psych hospital  bought home every night since go sleep bath head hoping one night little tight wake up im  cant go sleep without bag head im pretty sure point brain damage enough people notice enough to im looking help wanted tell story one life cry too im telling story internet thanks coming ted talk