told parents depressioni told parents believe depression go well dad told make choice world god although hed allow seek professional help going work theyll drug therapist much except sit around listen problems told solution best ignore feelings follow christ knows fact god real get worse realize it asked least loved myself lied told little said good would really serious hurt thing keeping going parents telling last resort also said fault feel way fault letting wanted to mom said youre gay you also asked suicidal thoughts lied told no thought could rely time need theyve failed me dont know keep going nothing close giving up