sad truth life isnt worth itwhat life makes worth it relationships children money figured anything reason killed really belief kind failure so really found reason wanting beyond vague sense trying something completing life cycle terms lifes accoutrements seems really pointless much im starting think point life might actually kill yourself fruits life mean nothing life possibly mean redflag goal lived seems stupendously irrelevant wonder path easy difficult easier kill oneself difficult so cant tell anymore ambivalence towards redflag seems taken morbid fascination folly continue bang head wall test head strength cant perceive cant derive cant make conclusion exist ambiguity really upset bored annoyed sick stupid game reason it something could delude valuing maybe could make end