suicidal thoughts scaring mehello need somewhere share story hopefully get advice ive depressed think ive sunken back want live on see light end tunnel anymore ive lost confidence know do good days suffer anxiety always worry things go bad ill suffer heartache cant happening again know happens im scared whatll ill do days triggers smallest things hear something want hear something excited happen could sat alone mind wanders overthink suddenly im crying again frustrating scary gorgeous family always me love much think world try think push always work happened got heart broke guy loved seeing casually nine months never wanted anything serious though always hoped eventually went asked relationship said really liked cared him said no want girlfriend fair enough let go talk that found three weeks later girlfriend devasted time lost job nearing eviction house hardly friends social life friends busy relationships also self esteem issues  raped cousin eight bullied school college  cherry top slowly sunk depression move bed cried time drank alcohol even took overdose though survived it confidence felt like nothing eventually sorted out went doctors went anti depressants took therapy session sorted though family kept going gave advice support got job managed pay rent arrears went more got well guy friends hung enjoyed hanging house felt better enjoying life again last since ive two guys hurt both one went another lass front face party went week dumped saying would still sex want relationship go further gutted feel like anything wrong still see im normal usually bubbly self always goes wrong think somethings wrong me first guy especially hurt really liked him friend well lost him ive sunken low again hate myself cant stand look mirror sometimes feel like theres hope me horrible thoughts thoughts whisper weak am pathetic go work come home what nothing guys lost friends well keep trying think positive thinking oh bad concentrate work concentrate thoughts let up always come back one guy wanted anything me never wanted relationship used shot away like im nothing went lasses time lives cant see nothing valuable myself cant see nothing good wonder anyone would want me thats wanted someone know happen now im dreading christmas new year know depress more alone try think matter enjoy single loss friends social life time anything im always working makes think it life make goals myself like wanna learn drive next year dark thoughts come forget that care goals anymore worst im still attracted one guys one walked another girl party scares more want feelings ill get hurt cant take heartache hes still friend family see often act causal around friendly distant want get close cant rid feelings im scared one days ill hear getting girlfriend hurt me cant take that know do anxieties throttling me want go whole process tablets therapy part sees silly get depressed over probably feeling like this im broken know fix me im actually even planning commiting redflag christmas thoughts petrify know part im pushed hard enough dont want family cant take thoughts life anymore always wait something bad hit im scared feel blows get christmas new year feeling like this advice anyone