whats wrong mei raped  years ago female friend im also female recently caught me hate alot wish never see reason cannot cut contact her add her delete her add delete again recently ive wanting raped again dont want experience yet do happened obviously wouldnt either fetish  kink thing dont know means im unable tell anyone right personal problems someone please tell feel way could be forced send nudes past early january year years ago rape happened would also suffocate seconds incredibly rough abusive me never relationship never kissed hugged really made seem like sexual relationship abusive one that feel connection her loving one one want part of please help me