want die decorate first ever christmas tree life cause cousin sister decided instead megrowing up christmas big deal family due poverty could never buy decorate christmas tree life went on grew lost interest buying decorating christmas treecoz life fucked mood disorder severe depression two years loosing father therapy sessions decided try celebrating festival time celebrate living make mom happy according therapist advice probably reminded wishes going left wishes high expectations always end big disappointments turns cousin specifically informed ill decorate tree mistake brought decorated without minemy mom involvement sweet actually meant good sadly one joy looking long fcking time got robbed off felt extremely cheated im left dark thoughts hand looks like butchered meat blood came sufficient sooth anymore favourite chocolate icecream pizza comforting me wish cut little deeper enough end pathetic life all