need someone listeni tell story looking sympathy recently employed restaurant manager portland lost job benefits luck finding another management position found job server restaurant with benefits beautiful wife loves supports me crumbles tell feel like dont want live anymore cant discuss feel her tried redflag before woke really sick taking many pills story dont want live anymore child always wished could go sleep never wake up felt way throughout schooling went citadel college first half assed attempt redflag roommate caught talked it dropped went back parents house fast forward nowi  never drink alcohol maintain good credit score fake smile face burns soul fake happy dying inside cant take life anymore crushed debt overwhelmed life taking life soon build courage to sit right contents medicine cabinet wondering long would take painful would be would want know would clean painless often every time drive bridge ask if someone asked stops me actually thinking trauma would cause someone witness it secretly wish wife would leave could alone worry hurting her desire leave devastated carries day day pick fights purpose saintly patience never leaves side plan telling cheated her never would ever cheated her want hate me want last push edge give courage end life story right now dont know make tomorrow chances good wake tomorrow hating hoping die cowardly anything thanks reading david