even know writing herei want kill myself badly guess guts woulda done long time ago thought years feels different maybe listening frank sinatra wanna it wanna badly everytime think it think family dead care family get sad lonely  year old guy give fuck anything  years staying home playing video games failed college parents expect enter again much problem really bored life biggest problem gambling addiction parents send little bit money every month spend mostly ciggaretes gambling sometimes even money buy food feel sad gamble feel betterlose feel bad even know thoughts now usually think redflag bed nothing block thoughtsthe next day wake sit pc goes away now im sitting pc thoughts probably even commit today even know writing feeling sad really sad good wayeasy way seems redflag troubles gone sadness gone reason it