suppose im pathetic thenim young adult god hoping id make this fifteen midlife crisis made deal things gotten better time thirty id end life later line realized ridiculous seventeen committed mental hospital three times eighteen mother passed away due cancer senior year high school when seventeen really pushed edge eleven learned redflag could fact balls sort person living for loved lot family living my father wife exwife since siblings always good time feel like cant anything anymore major depressive disorder general anxiety im medicated see therapist every couple weeks feel im getting anywhere lately safest serene place life bed even im sleeping sort laying there imagining better world im twenty years old imaginary friends way go college job moment applied local community college per request father even though im pretty sure im going absolutely horrible cant even take shower every week going keep classes sleep maybe twenty hours day may bit stretch feels like sometimes think dad side late certainly proven true see dad met woman now fiance okcupid dating site english professor seems high high standards everyone seven yearold daughter who complete brat slightly ruining life much yells cant deal says bullshit ugh want get much suppose know dad tells certain things around thoughts kid learn deal things like censored around not like im cussing saying explicit things around her practically demands play piano read books she rarely watches tv too whatever even goes ohsofancy private school hate say stereotypical crap dads fiance taiwanese im beginning wonder highass standards anything it im familiar taiwanese culture be anyway think high standards rubbing dad used really give shit chill felt like shit time asks apply classes volunteer stuff honestly feel overwhelmed want even look either im incapable things want do went university fall  drop due sort meltdown third time ended mental hospital also constant migraines least three four week leave sick nearly bedridden job month leave that too managers understand migraines make ill guess needed work getting migraines control anyway  basically feeling exact except worse cant get job whatever fucking reason ive applied nearly every store area even consider bit far away know wrong one wants hire me thanksgiving overheard dad telling fiance just cant get job assume means bothering getting job never talks directly dad know cares either im kid okay first im finding extremely difficult even tolerate her horrible brat child make easier sometimes think love dad times outright hate him one time ate oreos package i developed issues binge eating recently sucks couple years ago straightup called pathetic right face package oreos gotten today text saying ridiculous chores around house agree him ridiculous im fucking depressed hell barely get ass bed yeah maybe dishes takes minutes even want walk downstairs eat something which comfortable ultimately survive dishes suck entire bag dicks id rather lay bed die right now thanks dad obviously goddamn issues always acts like im pretty sure problems stem his vivid memory laying bed very young in elementary school cough yelled stop coughing cant come problem become upset me believe complete asshole know get woman like ever im person to even yells younger brothers four eight nearly nine cant bear see treat like that know feels clam frightening yelled someone bigger you supposed love care you instead screams stupid shit like oreos fuck him wish could move out think would make lot anxiety dissipate right im walking eggshells fathers fiance apparently thinking like which dont say hi her also lied dad told never thanked borrowed car cars battery dead able sleep thank something like that explicitly remember going office thanking her saying youre welcome know heard me just ugh cant make good money right cant get fucking job even though ive trying forever dad wonders want get job instead going college whatever cant handle fulltime classes disqualifies living campus anywhere believe id like get job room friends itd hell lot easier heart here migraines oh god migraines happen least twice week get worse near menstrual cycle used get month around time debilitating would puke puke hours theyre manageable still point actually function one help neurologist wants schedule appointments every three months six months time want life move on like this thanks sometimes feel good something little like dad calling pathetic sets like this know im completely irrational honestly cant help it thats irrational like rabbits hole me dad says im ridiculous people house his fiance daughter literally people house pitch money chores guess cant give money barely chores makes useless piece shit ive disconnected friends wish stayed contact with hard time approaching people hard keep touch dad acted like supportive really doubt that think ever get better see future myself occasionally im able see cute sensitive wise even smart times right one times productive useful never list qualities ive trying get better change situation working even told dad ive feeling like shit recently long drawnout text therapist called heartfelt think took seriously thought bitching fiance id get it well still gotten it now worried enough pills actually million seems may tonight kind feel like sobbing bed sleeping comfortably one time love sleeping thanks reading summary im depressed right point want sleep day barely get bathe even eat live father fiance seem supportive slightest ive trying best get job move least something im pathetic and own eyes everywhere applied turned down especially want this otherwise here mind very long time guess good time any