readyi thinking long time got plan bought needed wrote letter son ready gut it cry day im almost cash lost family im  time drunk fuck pills im scared it wtf wrong me im scared pain anything me fear miss ill explain hospital family probably get see son  biggest fear work would son become fuck me try get help see guy alcohol abuse got psychiatrist follow me another girl try help anxiety problems problem nothing work today made prescription pills starting think might starting state schizophrenia want become insane am keep thinking son keep neglecting im already fuck head say im gonna get worse wtf suppose live for thing live son know im gonna deceive hurt emotionally keep going on wish could disappear without hurting him