happens make every bad decisioni  year old male diagnosed social phobia depression high iq undiagnosed ptsd derealizationdepersonalisation live completely socially isolated apartment interacted another human  months also criminal found ways pay rent essentials plus everything want basically also found way fake prescriptions i morals make money big companies even realise im stealing them also got raided months ago  face prison time soon wanted give guys story life thats way much writing do also poly addict take  mg diazepam  mg pregabalin daily stay far enough away edge redflag happy get heroin meth mail also sad lonely see way out live witness court date anxiety strong last days consist laying bed dreaming away looking photo albums times dad still alive mum still talked loved me live germany getting late here hope able sleep dream reality everything better  thanks reading fuck lonely