care anymore good world cant even perceive im caught suicidal thoughtsi friends asshole cant change mother cant even stand company grandfather nothing live to anymore dreams future know im going school job ill hate pay bills ever wish could lay turn off courage kill myself pray get killed everyday redflag mind  point cure kill stop thinking it bad brain stop perceiving bad want die badly wish could cant whole life going wracked depression ive seen older people post sub depression really never get better gets worse biggest regret every day die day before im fuckup loner literally cannot make friends break friends future future hell anymore except die almost thirst redflag wish somebody else could pull trigger heavens sake