know doim recovering metheverything junkie going year two weeks last night went visit sister friend place ive never really before ended rather going home right sister left flight sitting buffalo wild wings drinking turned  year never drunk bar suppose wanted feel like everybody else place felt absolutely terrible three beers decided drive home told roomates happened entire three hour drive could think disappointed myself made progress life throw away peer pressure felt like failure still right now know silly seems even think silly feel though let everyone around me want give up solid support system set trying get sober feel disappointed well feel horrible called work today let boss down lied calling place recently got promoted actually rising ranks great job im lost desperately want like people went high school college partying acting normal becoming suicidal fact drank couple beers ive thought today giving up drive home last night took everything slam gas pedal let drift something time past year actually looking forward future im back last  years feeling like shit ashamed deeply wanting anything take away worst part drugs now used use drugs take pain away worked time anymore even picked meth heroin whatever chemical gave put much could make feel better thats worst part want end im tired trying hard better go right back demoralizing tunnel leads bitter end either directly killing slowly dying addict death