wanting kill since th grade im scared please listen know anymore im last straw everything im going give fair bit background bear me assume lot people felt way felt hopeless sick feel way time ive gotten used it ive gone crying trying hurt th grade able keep lid very well school im happy all unless im best friend also boyfriend im apparently supposed like better relationship hit quite potholes one gave time opportunity enjoy things took granted sister says look back this ashamed break push head feel horrible someone makes happy feel better guess bottom line nothing makes truly happy nothing lasts always ends devastation every happy moment go away im strong enough deal pain everything anything life ive told im smart young attractive care want live it hurt bad know much pain later on wish could give life someone would appreciate it make good use it every choice take going consequences im tired dealing seeing everyone family try hard happiness fail cant spend time them feel sick want live anymore im exhausted much would love someone hug tell going alright cant accept it cry everyday losing virginity alone family torn apart cant get bed im dead set killing soon things get worse better suppose second thoughts im posting this since im seeking consolation instead immediately want way hurt family friends love much understand help im sorry wasted time nonsense im young enjoying can want to me look back memories im actually happy content hurt want happy memories ripped away feel alone edit im feeling much worse cant stop feelings all everything fault cant deal increasing guilt feel sick want die feel horrible cant handle it regret much cant breath want die bad every happy memory deserve want kill right now know how im scared