tldr fck this i m out i can t fcking do this i m tired of myself why do i feel like this i would ask for help but it s not worth it at this point i give up i should be at the happiest point in my life i have more friend than ever before that love me i ve been out of a really toxic abusive friendship for month now i don t know i m tired i m done all my grade are good but rapidly slipping i worry everyone i m around my entire family think i m suicidal and they re fcking right although they just think it because of my shitty humour they keep telling me to drop they only hear the half of it my friend are the one who are extremely worried even though i think it might be bc of my joke too i m not sure if this is a rant or a cry for help because i have a beam in my room thats perfect for a noose and a letter and i ve spent since december finding a date that won t f up anyone s bday or special event early april it wa gon na be early this month but my friend ha invited me to a convention and tbh that s the only reason i m here i didn t want to mess it up for them because they seemed really exited and i really love them and although i ve come to term with leaving them i know it ll take them a while i m not sure why i m writing this help advice idk i just feel like i m at the point of no return