im failure am woke half hour ago seems like monthly nightmare college theyre similar usually wandering around school borrowed traits ones ive before feeling panicked final starting soon im prepared for makes sense happened me calc   years ago course failed final though time panic me knew prepared accepted fate whatever happens happens mentality it first class get least b in semester life started fall apart worsening depression remember starting strong semester even highest score one  exams class also remember week wheels came off started insignificant troubles snowballed life today wish could go back slap keep track cant afford go back school even could worry would fail again least relive negative emotions associated it feeling inferior students based dress general demeanor lecture remember well intimidating felt trash kid like sitting among crowd kids uppermiddle class parents tons friends life experience me remember feeling like belonged went back wonder much worse feelings inferiority would be given im years older im straight failure great opportunity go college lot financial assistance blew it tried becoming lol pro failed that settled trying become streamer failed well always close failing end ive done last  years work shitty  dollar per hour jobs advice myself cant born trash cant escape it honestly point alive anymore picture future minimum wage worker rest life theres anything wrong that lifestyle me need something need successful traditional standards ie good degree job equal quality cant know cant ive tremendous fucking failure life im going poor life never get experience things want to heart racing last  minutes cant go back sleep obsess failures ive made plans kill july know wait perhaps worst part knowing help me clinic afford within  miles i car look elsewhere  month waiting list something absurd like that every time called redflag hotline ask location refer  clinics around me feels super shitty like im talking robots care me thinking makes angry really hotline people much fact government help lowincome people seek psychiatric attention yeah hotline people kind frustrating too ive called several times point say almost exactly things every time makes whole thing feel scripted insincere ive calmed little bit rambling wait july still feel slightly impatient wish could get with hate alive matter anyone tells me im piece shit need die