understand lifei know im posting here feel ashamed im posting here want die want live feel like ive never really gotten life ground im  im smart talented educated creative people love artwork ive built following around it whenever opportunity comes get scared say no maybe right opportunity know feel like cant make decisions feel like life drastically different might sound sad ive never fully sex man boyfriend years ago things never went way i wanted to reason still get want know feels like one things thats keeping going eventually know thats going enough writing sentence makes want break tears want go ive living toxic parents house almost  years boomeranging actually right ive got  name crazy credit card debt theyre almost point charged off real income speak of feel like im always running direction know why cant give dream famous successful creative people tell maybe get job art stuff works out feel resistant feel like way make art thing work now something tells can know grit it especially exhaustion im going right now ive indecisive years believing hardest thing know life me look around life right now living shitty parents know totally me making money cant help wonder fuck im doing know im strong ive incredible pain months now im gaining weight really quickly probably medical condition money go get diagnosed im sure exacerbated stress parents offered pay bills go therapy tempting feel like life completely do god hate hear complaining know much better know do sometimes go library bag packed swear im going sell art online day find place stay night figure rest later never do give easily hard eat sleep  hours night i guess thats better nothing im parents house feel much better know im sorry vomit one else knows im going this sometimes push hard enough get back positivity feels like pushing  ton boulder hill feel pathetic me know find again feel like eventually im going end hospital condition homeless end it part feels ridiculous writing sentence like knows truth