made promise commit redflag birthday i think it im strong enough it knowing probably cant follow through worst part actually pretty ok crushing despair knowing ill alive past date unbearable posted dating profile okcupid recently distant friends work it posted reddit overwhelming critique really figure it know anymore im person gave long time ago things writing im going anymore interests goals desires im even sure even mine followed pursued achieved everyone else wanted living goal everyone else me living goals people but goals ones worth talking about killing myself feeling bad things people bond on im pretty much alone theres noone close enough lean ask friendship from