back even though feels like never lefti spent today like ive spent last three days bed thought dog pissed somewhere room morning realized sweaty sheets must smell like sewer academically im mediocre barely scraping by im completely disinterested everything university im deep debt doesnt matter point nothing years now unthinkable last summer cheated girlfriend found earlier week still together hasnt spoken couple days ive agreed relationship counseling dont know itll help anything judge want spend every minute im awake punishing anyway realize ever insufferable live ive alienated  friends  couple affair with mostly keep myself think time either leave us kill myself ive hurt many people including loved most im monster