almost finishedhello again grown weary existence parents curse life could courtesy abortion sick waking up night close eyes sleep pray whatever chooses must continue may finally eternal rest finally let go tired done everything society suggests become less unhappy well paying job hobbies friends mother father sisters care me sick going on continue them something must broken take medications sit lamp season affective disorder want finished would easy meander car close garage door start vehicle rest pull razor blade keep finally disgusted everything decide end it going back hospitals seen councilors psychiatrists tried coping methods lived long enough tried well living kindness heart giving freely others asking nothing return do time feel nothing truly matters feel little positive emotion rage unhappiness lucky sadness friend killed felt jealous could justify longed long hope peace know wife struggles son will everyone look disgust done rambling want stop hurting