dont even know nowive sexually abused ages  multiple family members  assaulted first boyfriend  drugged raped camera emotionally physically abused neglected childhood im  self esteem literally non existent cant keep friendships person husband married older guy cheated lot long time high school girls promised stopped dont even know father passing away wont see me father abused wouldnt speak forcefully removed care one friend see rarely feel im ugliest person alive lost  pounds year starving purging feel still enough things love husband pets people dont believe husband would miss me told spouse dies supposed move on think would okay animals would though would forget feed give shelter cant happen think alive them love them babies ive crying night tonight wanted disappear trying hard hold on