first time contemplating ending thingsive battling depression since teens never really taken idea taking life never reached point close now recent break made spiral state despair could never imagine possible feelings worthlessness ive spent nearly decade fighting came back one moment constant feeling hopelessness pain cant take anymore one person thought would spend rest life with deleted though meant nothing ruined me try put brave face remind eventually get move work nothing helps days ago came mind would better dead ever since think about even dreamt successfully killing myself brings comfort knowing option available