yesterday said would regret killing myself didthe maintenance quadriplegic unbearable bailed attempt kill yesterday regretted it feeling regret came hours minutes ticked close signal arrival caregiver bathes strips carcass naked regret stronger lay bed feeling feces uncontrollably make way ass fill diaper exhausted wear fake smile day therapy wanting nothing sleep never wake freedom love stripped me replaced with pain humiliation endure life quadriplegic life goes on yes mines life hallow