thought fought past turns im right back again risk dragging someone else meits since ive use throwaway quite happy fact guys awesome last time got back feet couple months intense motivation living you choice comes emotions moods deal amazing stopped meds happened thought headed recovery merits suppose partly correct back story pretty bad childhood often left alone so deal lot abandonment issues adult abused sexually mentally depression start  years that  years old nan who raised lived time died pretty bad bad would leave room days weeks one time months time mum powerless depression long term deal one top hers never finished school this now back present managed find amazing lady girlfriend lives  hours away by train go see  days off im happy distance weve going  months cant really anything that real problem is know real qualifications working dead end retail job  years know confidence could make pretty good manager want work retail rest life know change that know start id love something it even answering phones deal peoples problems i anyway people right front me know start ive applying jobs require previous experience hearing back really starting get me feel trapped helpless im falling familiar dark place almost claimed fear try soon im really scared im gonna fall time able get back again really want things going head live country family one go advice guidance desperately need feel alone want take easiest way out please help me