really hurtful memory mom back going lot shit really want explain everything going much although backstory needed right answer ill give little everything happening time escape goat family made feel horrible point ended carving branding monster course happened years ago also really depressed happened opened suicidal family handed knife said oh were waiting day ive wanted question soo long im scared to probably gonna always mention past act like never happend live sunshine rainbows mean narcissistic yeah shell flip shit try say im accusing shit never happend anyone wondering bad mom fucked childhood going lot no hate her tries really hard keep roof head would anything family however causes much stress pain life turns around works hard us im mental conflict one hand want hate her hand works hard us feels unfair selfish im getting topic back saying originally im wondering question it want feel would cause harm anything know please someone help decide