everything enjoyed bores me life pretty much stopped worth pain experiencing every day pain got  times worse due recent breakup losing meant losing source happiness got leftbut still cannot decide want keep living not hope left things could get better time something tells maybe hang onim relapsing self harm again least gotten drinking time being really know much able drink again replacing booze means self harm think working really well cave go bottle think expect final goodbye herei stuck weird limbo cannot decide end already maybe coward sure want live