think herei put rdepression maybe goes instead scared myself hallucinating im scared happening please someone talk help anchor reality depressed whole life never gets better anything offer look forward proud of hate myself know people say lot really do im afraid alone depressed ive tried everything meds therapy psychiatrists books websites food exercise nothing works except getting wasted thats wake again know would ever get better used optimistic become impossible every day get take enough meds im crying lot anything im daring end every day really know much longer last brain always wrong whole life made see things made sad weird different belong anywhere lot people hurt veryvery bad ways made weaker weaker trapped rock bottom years now lot sad things hard say would hard read feel like im living nightmare future right also very bleak honestly think face it