im losti dont know anymore cant eat yet im always hungry cant sleep yet cant seem get bed face day dont want lonely anymore cant bring talk anybody want die every single day tried kill once yet im scared dying im stuck loop suffering doesnt seem way out ive depressed past couple years always manageable ive never really identity never really fit in joined army hoping would help become confident give sense belonging then two weeks supposed ship basic training something came put gun head felt ashamed never again looking back it first time felt control life long time honestly im sure im writing here guess sort feels good say people im worried judging me right im point army want either quit suck up im sure right decision is anything want sense direction feel like purpose life felt way so deal it