getting worsei used hit head really hard got headaches blurry vision fantasize cutting today threw tantrum scratched arms nails really old best friend dead told rapist fault his wish rapist dead wish new girl friend told rape matter dead happiness makes miserable want kill myself die fault want gone badly hate skin want body back body broken me cant sex without panic attacks cant get aroused easily cant orgasm anymore since started abusing me supportive friends wish dead badly cant keep anymore know im probably going start cutting know thats going lead worse things ive tried get counseling help many times work always tell im depressed refer someone else constant support arms burning much