life sucksi dont relationship mom dad barely even feels like father figure life gone month week hes sitting ass watching tv sleeping understand provide family sucks grades currently shit parents getting ass dont understand im purely stupid im fucking idiot know nothing say change think ive abusing drugs past year now almost anything get hands do turned  ive already done heroincoke meth fuck doing im  months time ive already dropped  pounds people congratulate it tell work shit feel better even know drugs dont drugs everyday im constantly thinking got raped age  even remember sucking dudes dick like fuck remembers sees visually head feel worthless uncared ive already  actual redflag attempts parents think times wanted get drunk high hold me first time downed whole big ass bottle  percent liquor hoping id get alcohol poisoning nope woke next day feeling like shit didnt throw anything second time took  expired pills grandma used take epilepsy got rushed hospital rd day due throat closing able breath cant even kill right im fucking failure thinking paycheck im getting next wednesday ive thinking minute ill enough money finally go way want to hate life im sick want fucking die