enoughthrowaway account obvious reasons really enough everything thing kept death affect family kids mean parents brothers sisters friends thankfully physically healthy could give body somebody could make use would gladly so reason feel guilty killing myself tortured inside head shitty childhood always physical pains sad inside didnt know feelings child didnt know word it havent gone away adult got worse tried years therapy point blank refuse meds refuse meds wont actually fix anything also mother meds describe functional zombie days drinks takes xanax prozac something else too fucked anything else dont want end like her dont want end half like her fucking meds thanks come conclusion  years planet nothing torture think something wrong mentally like learning disabled borderline schizophrenic something know actual medical term one people spoke thought may bpd maybe do anyway frustration feel torture head sometimes hear screaming inside head hear voices various people like family ask things etc literally going around inside head like screaming roller coaster tell anxiety seem understand asked help point really care well feel anyway fucked comes relationships sex trust anyone sex reminds one bitch fucking despise makes feel sick physically sick mentally often stopped said fuck cant this makes look like total fucking weirdo god knows makes person feel zero confidence zero self esteem sex relationships something doesnt apply me think things like would even want me even get would probably cheat leave knew really like wouldnt want you stage life seeing friends little sisters etc relationships almost everybody else somebody im saying even want relationship highlights loneliness feel feel dont understand people dont understand relationships dont trust people im angry im hurt im sad im frustrated feel worthless words think describe moment suppose feel sick too sick inside head go im really angry family like stay worried sad kill myself dont live life way do wish would understand supportive going miserable planet hate it enough want go