im tired feeling painive depressed since  now  ive always thought would kill eventually never thought would wanna live past  recently gf  years broke dont think deal pain longer felt reason smile feel good dont know future people whatever process getting pain discomfort top everything else dont wanna pain unbearable cant sleep cant eat ive headaches last  days want end thing thats stoping me family dont wanna cause pain cause know would probably destroy mother push edge feels like im fighting wanna makes feel much harder anything dont know do