dont really know say hereon saturday mom house  im going one two things im going either find gun may may hidden somewhere house shoot head bedroom im going run away nothing change clothes find way kill another way cant find gun course dont want sympathy ive gotten enough that dont want help people tried im beyond help im done living life alongside people lie cheat treat like shit used afraid people would gonem dont care want die wont face whatever happens put bullet brain selfish maybe dont care anymore threatened living story life thus far especially mother never consolation love asked wrong feeling always threats anger frustrations never telling wrong mom love me maybe probably going change decision kill two days all cant keep friend without teased bullied brunt jokes  cant hold conversation girl age matter time theyre drawn away constant sadness boring personality youre likeable youre good looking funny things dont think would situation burden ive set friends teachers family many others finally lifted wont holding back anymore long find gun hopefully go quickly quietly nobody hear news spread among school especially hope special ceremony goes me let die fade obscurity extra unneeded pity sadness thanks coming ted talk