when people ask me what i wan na do or what my plan for something is i always kinda give a vague idea or like say very generic thing everyone around my age might be saying like oh i wan na move out and pursue this or that type stuff but in reality i don t even know if i want to be here i think that my lack of proper planning for thing or goal setting is because when i wa younger i had to go through a lot of difficult thing that traumatized me and made me minimize the space i took up not only in everyone else s life but in my own so much to the point that i didn t even think i wa gon na make it to the age that i am today i really only planned on being here a day longer than i wa yesterday and eventually it s added up and i have been here for this many year i don t know how to look forward or plan for thing ahead farther than tomorrow really because i never intended to be here for that long anyway but it s becoming a really bad problem a i am in my 0 and everything i do now is going to affect the rest of my life it s hard to know what i want to do or what i want to pursue when my whole life i didn t think that i would even be here i am so lost and genuinely don t know what i am doing or who i am and i feel detached from everyone around me i feel like i am just existing and i am thankful for the thing i ve experienced and the people in my life and all that but i m just so lost i genuinely have no word to describe the void i feel and sometimes can not believe that i did this to myself i made myself so small i don t even see me so how could anyone else see me it s so hard when your own mind is the thing that make it hard for you to do anything and i ve just been struggling a lot lately