hate menobody really seems want around one closest friends forgets text best friend basically said better without life boyfriend now ex broke day myself sexually assaults drinks never respects hes still me tempting reach know doesnt treat well instead reached ex see could get anything found could care less want trying start drug empire hoped posting subreddits getting validation well dms would give something look forward didnt adding one rats passed away fault mom dad think im sleeping couch difficult sleep room since quincy passed really fully made noose intend using it cutting doesnt work anymore usually coping strategies either hurt kms since sh doesnt appeal anymore want need kms dont want hospitalized again doesnt help tried order stuff online give something wake couldnt decide wanted tried reward w donuts  months clean second longest ive  years ive hurting myself somebody ate all mom didnt want change medicine doesnt think handle it dont even know meant that cant handle switching medicine cant handle meds sounds petty hate myself made promise three years ago still heavily suicidal crying sleep would kill myself matter life turn cant worth this ill likely go redflag closest ive dying since age  started tldr everybody better without cant find something live for