point think ending life best optionlet start something mom told me you millennials something wrong way thinking also first time ive thought ending life would actually benefit people around me first post sub though ive lurker months reached end rope though try positive parents seem growing restless me may seem calm words currently crying typing out apologize advanced long post filled possibly unnecessary details turn to one would truly understand position idea start disclose namesgenders want remain anonymous possible refer oldest sibling one second oldest two youngest  often treated better siblings matter bad felt matter much tried hard side siblings demand equal treatment parents nothing ever changed times parents even took demanding equal treatment denouncingrejecting parents clearly point making im going pretend rough childhood explains today didnt average middle class nuclear family id say taught good values ended good character one two extroverted know socialize make friends easily startkeep conversations going independent confident decisions two though extroverted prefers lowkey lifestyle i hand introverted shy im observant talkative always been friends close family able converse interact quite normally id say much hate center attention makes feel uncomfortable soon parents start talking suddenly lose voice try disappear used quite confident decisions event event turned around flash back middle late teenage years would think formative years permanent consequences early twenties seem changed except think ive gotten much quieter think given teenagers meant rebel make mistakes stupid shit means trying justify actions trying victimize know large fault consequences mistakes translated personality now became close one years spent lot time together love them really do years grew close one manipulative realized finally left household bit example one charismatic extroverted easily get anyone side issue one occasion someone would wrong them would explain situation way perspective correct perspective would believe it would ones side would antagonize whoever wronged them might think well familysibling bias were prone siding person were close to people wronged one took side either friends family members one life realized always wrong side parasitic relationship bad done wrong toward one feel bad immediately become frightened scolding me never afraid scolded experienced scolded one parents scolded before respectful like mutual respect end would feel bad enough bad would terrified make another mistake one scoldings authority fury became self conscious actions learned stay silent accept fate scolded even littlest things would warrant scolding i saw flirting guy dating know lot our peers think flirt started distance friends became cold started hate going familyfriend events still always went obligation  years things like that normal interpersonal skills replaced anxious shy traits became overpowered anxiety graduated university one moved then learned function like almost normal adult became independent things own myself became little bit confident actions one gone two kind gone two moved university years went school little far home whereas one still quite close home grew lot closer pressure parents became focused me kid left living house though become independent confident graduating suddenly put weight me say two kind left mean two still comes home visit know hate coming home told me real job parents support lifestyle one left kind basically ran away good enough job parents support lifestyle either left everyone sleeping time really understand totally parents side one left wrong way could handled better one never comes home visit even know now anyway back present unemployed unless count freelance real job parents not trying find real job since graduated trying possibly make freelance main thing case never find real job almost  years since still job feel absolutely horrible live parents refuse let leave like controlling kind way like want know good job stand own nearing age retire still work siblings left kind bad terms parents like lifestyles im trying one kid leave bad terms able live lifestyle would support feel like deserve much feel bad almost every second every day good news tell job search started feel bad cant even talk parents anymore feel like useless kid worthless kid im point wish parents would get fed kick house free will im lazy ambition like parents like tell me reached point anxiety cant things people watching expecting something me know anyone else problem seems like hated center attention much cant even confidently things independently unless parents know badly want go nearest establishment apply cashier job secretary assistant anything said jobs good enough parents cant seem find confidence around know whats wrong me earlier mom confronted me started crying saying dad getting old worried me theyre frustrated me want retire want live lives without worrying me understand im not trying think listen advice getting job even though ive already taken advice still job said you millennials something wrong way thinking point realized made political put box box labeled millennials want associated word associating negative definition conservative idealism concocted top everything else deal living parents completely different political mindset me hard try think really started remain silent often im here realizing burden them told countless times much want retire pray id get hired almost got hired told turn job good enough earlier mom talking said go back job made turn down really know do want leave money leave want leave bad terms like siblings feel like cant need long living parents want burden want burden anymore much want life feel like dying right would thing would help parents now maybe last farewell telling life story end it maybe hoping someone able convince burden even though know thats lie know im burden thats basically mom said want move lives retire cant im still here