not sure why i m doing what i m doing not sure why i m writing this it feel like there s no point in doing anything i am not happy currently and i will not have a future so why do i do anything i try to push all my problem to the back of my mind but that doesn t fix anything i still question what the point of doing anything is i m so happy i defeated this super hard bos in this game but what greater purpose doe defeating that bos have what greater purpose doe completing a video game have fundamentally i do not enjoy life so all i m doing by playing game is distracting myself it doesn t matter if said game i played add to my knowledge or expands my worldview because i know i will kill myself in the future right now i m just on autopilot for year i ve tried not to think about my problem and had hope that thing would get better but i had false hope thing haven t gotten better there s only a slim chance thing will ever get better i wish i realised this sooner maybe the fact people keep repeating that one generic line thing will get better wa why i believed they would now i ve learned hope is nothing but a coping mechanism im just so frustrated that my consciousness wa ever brought into existence why couldn t i have stayed in the void now i see no point in doing anything i m just floating here unsure of what direction to go in i m unsure if there is any point in watching a movie letalone making any meaningful decision i m stuck in limbo i told myself i d wait this year out at least but i m starting to see there s really no point in prolonging the inevitable so why am i here writing this not sure what this will do not sure about anything