im failurethis probably going long ass post explaining background story ill start now was part straight student throughout th th th th grade always work time even got award never missing day school th th grade then start th grade well felt classes bit difficult slipping little bit first time ive two cs report card first semester rest year fine stepped gpa  end year year th grade schedule classes completely changed moved alternating schedules x block schedule basically classes every day except wednesday thursday wednesday first  classes  thursday  classes  mildly disturbed felt fine then started noticing missing assignments sometimes since alternating schedule always least  day work things new schedule work could due next day started slip f c two bs two as a whole spectrum grades started get sloppy without enough sleep  week vacation right  weeks winter break ive missed much class everything kind collapsed me point talents lifting fighting im even strong bench less bodyweight since break gained  lbs  now bench   rep max pretty weak know another contributing factor years ago th grade made friend online got pretty close spoke every day turning pretty good friends plans meet irl college then one day blue said was a sad person people pity pretty confused kept telling creep never contact again blocked speak recently messaged unblocked me said quote look boyfriend go watch porn cry loneliness obviously closure ill tell one last time ever want speak again kind blocked point brushed off started thinking though sad excuse human being always pretty correct guessing going life could tell me im thinking ive wasting life antisocial behavior couldve fun spending time better friends fun leads now tonight cried first time year curled fetal position cried half hour got came post sob story try get people care me cant tell parents theyd flip really feel throwing bridge one best options oding oxycodone ive never given anything full dedication  also lose pieces win chess right im pawn game might well go waste create opening people use death justify things wrong education system us live aspen colorado hopefully ill throw terrellwade bridge tomorrow  feet  seconds freefall acceleration  mph go splat river rocks it dont ill edit post say otherwise