im supposed essay think ending itread least doubt get attention cause probably long respond feel like time worth it it probably be wanna make compromise reply read whole thing read last part im senior highschool m every morning struggle thought process every morning first fight leave bed im contemplating shower not finally get bed keep thinking if make throw need go school take swig hydrogen peroxide puke guts out finally end taking shower sit toilet  minutes hoping suddenly get sick avoid people hate talking people im listener introvert im fucking place guys gravel road im safe driver really care happens crash crash oh well ive slid road several times serious impacts yet constantly think its straight stretch easily hit  mph hit tree depersonalization getting bad again thought gone guess not best friend says probably caused brother also thinks thats reason im cool headed hate arguments try deescalate peoples arguments people say im kindest person theyve ever met never mad anyone longer  minutes except myself theres one dislike even theyre total dick me need energy dislike someone theres point causes trouble ive grown treat others want treated ive taken heart thats ive lived life go way help others helping others helps get stuff done example never homework someone asks help theres ill gladly help boost own heres main point post im suicidal  years now im supposed writing essay descriptive thats due tomorrow took friends aderall help focus i adhd doctor cant prescribe aderall vyvanse focussed essay family life fucking shit im sure people worse lives complain well am im adopted infant adoptive parents connection with know am know like feel like im living house theres love presence brother nut not bio severe anger issues cause many problems think think home shake badly get depersonalization episode hes  months younger me im afraid sleep hes awake past hes woken beating bat throwing rolling chair me weve gotten fist fights hes put blades neck repeatedly like swords knives every single time screamed fucking godamn pussy know balls it hed drop knife run crying caught dragging sister not bio shirt hitting her lost slammed wall punched knuckles bled ran downstairs crying sat bed trying fight back tears came back shotgun stood looked eyes walked him put head tears streaming face im going put fucking slug head feed dogs touch one time turned around said do it hate place fucking much cps cant anything idk theyve tried scar arm pulled knife cut me im done rant read thanks send message comment even bigger thanks oh well least waste time reading it guess ill try stupid essay cut myself cut chase hang myself im done also last part meant chunk this