achieved lot  years life extremely fortunate friends fun parents me fantastic job starting couple weeks everything fine rightlast year around time drinking numb nights would drink would write letters myself would draw sometimes would harm myself hole chest big gave friends even myself realized needed disappear point living held go cannot believe someone elsenow year later deep down hole still there tried focusing positives still there know much longer take alone want find someone believe in need someone believe in hate pangs loneliness cannot get rid even others sometimes even miss wreck last year least dealing emotions rather ignoring themeverything feels hollow anyone life understands awful really feel point living understood