im going leave house family th junein early  started getting frustrated mad friends started noticing flaws obviously didnt care friendship aspect wanted friends play video games things style never cared actual person friends with struggling emotionally back never asked support obvious wasnt going work eventually dont know started trolling anonymously online didnt recognize first eventually one asked me immediately felt guilty tried delete everything happened immediately snapped back reality realized much hurting them called sick school days left summer shut life idea happened might puberty aspergers ive recently considering hypomanic episode happened next  years ive completely isolated havent meaningful social interaction anyone except family ive tried finding friends  different schools along places never worked summer ended started second school basically isolated entire summer developed social anxiety got panic attack entering classroom forced work alone another room room got almost nothing done constantly watched youtube phone escapism stayed room breaks therefore didnt meet anyone school year switched another school people given support actual work went okay part almost everyone else school unbearable extremely socially awkward constantly made uncomfortable year half switched school again time constantly longed someone vent never happened majority awake time spent escapism early  started fourth school normal state run people werent socially awkward also werent socially anxious anymore everything pointing towards things getting better never did work okay might able get good job im extremely lonely down later day birthday june decided write thoughts notes phone didnt anyone could vent to kept writing almost  hours without realizing much time passing done felt happier ive felt years like drank energy drink typing realized one make difference life me everything happens world happens indirect consequence dont do want stop lonely im one fix nothing one else also realized everything okay long one gets hurt it made accept lot things ive ashamed of also found venus project gave goal life hard explain go wwwthevenusprojectcom want find out felt amazing week half felt numb usual point figured might form bipolar probably cyclothymia still contradictions ive still figured key solving every problem world happy im not might sign im faking give feeling control bipolar isnt fun would nice know caused life suck much since still believe figured hypomanic might faking whole thing know aparently common thing think paranoid bipolar subs im going let affect think ive decided im going leave whole family th june get monthly money ill able buy food im gone im sure im going kill im gone im going sleep dont want think now havent planned anything im going gone im turning brain basically cant stand lonely scared faking mental issues leaving house family could escape that longer worry think actions really worry anything kind like temporary redflag dont know right sub dont even know wrote this