im tiredive carrying weight whole life ive met people willing shoulder while end leaving cant blame them realize heavy carry it hand back pretty quickly tried honest partner told depressed trying get better reaction like everyone either derision disbelief outright disgust said going me help me whenever actually talked it pure hatred eyes said feels like im trying oneup him feels like cant complain want feel way feel like cant unload leave desk cry bathroom today shout darkness unpopular subreddit garage exterior switch radio switch opens it im heavy enough partial hanging reliable car hose bleach ammonia plastic bags many options im trying resist know hell sad it hell get it right like prisoner prison bars warden mean son bitch inmates telling torture big deal walk away quit time put weight down finally sleep