thinking would kill suicidalstruggled depression whole life im spot right second im faced lot things coming together potentially disappointing lot people including kids mainly myself feel like shallow pointless useless thing im even sad more im just empty feel suicidal think redflag daily think easy would turn car bridge divider  easy would take entire bottle sleeping pills wonder would feel would able actually slit wrists could bring it reasons to many reasons right now hurt would cause people still big priority me want hurt people love made mistake telling husband things think daily hes freaking out feel like theres distinction thinking redflag suicidal really convinced plan except ways think it like ive sat put calendar maybe im denial maybe suicidal want kill myself just want alive more prospect facing future overwhelming feel like can worry point desire hurt people around overtaken desire live asked would tell got point answered honestly know think honestly point caring hurt pain much probably tell him now telling that ive inadvertently hurt him increased worry lot wish hadnt im sorry told him wants sorry tell sooner kind thoughts know know exactly started want think using excuse trump card argument attention seeking thing know want tell him know im posting this feedback feel like low level call hotline something like this like thats people knife hand car bridge someone thinking it way think grocery list chores