older tried lot still failed go onso im late s male going motions settling affairs ive already decided method purchased need tested everything date shortly approaching tried number things deal feelings years hundreds hours volunteer work medication therapy a long time ago got sober exercisingeating healthy relationships etc nothing worked dont really want die feel limping along long im tired want sleep miss home place safety comfort known long time felt way throughout life brought head  year relationship my fault laid work also kind fault really nothing keep here social network were older shit deal with messaged friend last night asking it heard back tried contact redflag helpline made feel worse guess im looking for well anything guess im looking others thing it feel tried decades failed failed everything highly unlikely going getting better point death feels way out way feel broken alone anymore tried much go there