honestwhen stop finding new things hang onto disappearhell lot times even me destroys me everytime find way cope something gets way physically cant continue using coping methods one day ill run ways cope thats day ill die actually die day run ways cope ill die  years day ill grasping onto hope somethingll change even try change theres use  years ill living complete agony end wishing killed much younger hope year maybe next knows ill finally learn mistakes build courage kill myself ill build even courage make redflag attempt actually die know thats gonna happen thats thing sorrows saddens me know ill find little things hold to end dissappearing again causing feel immense grief times fuels die know ill hessistant itll attempt truth mentally im still optimistic thingll get better im clinically depressed still find moderate enjoyment stuff too truth ill die much older age probably  anything life constent suicidal thought cant happy get born born speech impediment caused develop social skills bad way still speak people yeah really fucked speech impediment like really bad inconsistent far gotten worse im getting older friendships fake girl crash cant anything it destroys me fuck everything  ill happiest die much wanted write fuck it