cant live standards killing mei know do semester long project worked on got data write up hate much finish it see useful well done enough good peoples likely are feel like sham turning terrible keep rushing final assignments classes gotten as semester in feel like sham failure cant bear thought getting poor grade cant get shit done keep getting worse cant keep consistently improving grad program want me job want me one want me damaged make anything good life feel bad hold back move forward get exhausted barely continue feel like anything less outstanding useless deserved every little bit hell went child times put down ignored beaten deserved every last fucking bit it feel like trying finish graduate level work combating fucking ptsd cant take it nothing ever feels like itll ever enough cant get better cant time recover wish offed like another student school did cant accept waste would rather die