im scared growing upi turned  week ago many things say im sorry  sentences might make sense knew wasnt born right body elementary school im scared tell parents grandmother live me hate called deadname hate called good son  id rather human live seclusion go outside see people dont feel like mean anything world small could mean something years hate condition human nature easy push people away see ugly dont want cry anymore im biggest waste money parents relatives grandmother doesnt give fuck live die im ugly dont care hell society thinks dont want anyone lick wounds im stuck body think already cried tears already dont see mirror anymore ive always outsider even among people like me dont want go outside put people high pedestals realize one really loves anybody spent birthdays crying sleep scared next year bring me dont know throw numb dull pain consumed me im happy really live genuine selves free things shackle down people dont happy endings thats okay ill live cis guy rest life treated sort fucjing essence love respect ill finally break nobody really loves one