birthday always makes feel horribleim tired burden family wasnt even supposed make here feel like ive somehow cheated redflag attempt months back relocated icu big city hospital stayed days couldnt walk using bathroom worst sorts heart monitors remember ripping chest woke up screamed cursed angry woken up one wish world even taken me remember mustering courage call two friends had one declined call second made excuse hang phone remember family coming visit family stamped thousands medical bills since pretend didnt happen reality dont think anyone wanted wake up ive trying hard dont believe friend me need time successful please