home  years  basically isolated outside world last couple years cry eyes every night wondering pain sadness feel ever go away feltfeel alonei friendsnot even onlineno one talk tountil met guy online sweet timevery religious godly timei wanted feel lovedand less lonelyless sadi wanted make feel better instead gave stithat stuck lifehe told knowand stupidly believed time later friend told sti way mei feel usedlike trash hated long thisbut  times worsei cannot even stand look mirror i felt lonely before guaranteed likely going die alone going want diseasei feel dirty stupid trusting him knowing purposefully gave disease makes feel worthless isolated world nothing thoughts company mind rn darkest place bei hate myselfi hate ami keep shit over end place time on bathroom floor crying praying pain loneliness go away feel stupid  want pain stopit hurts never goes awayeverytime try make pain stop make loneliness go away replace paini feel like escape deathi cannot take anymore cannot m purposefully gave mef hpv things could get anyworse