todays birthdayim uselessim suicidal yet think ive done anything world worth anything perfect childtag classes ap classesautomatic admittance state school  admittance certain professional school first try people go couple application cycles now im dropping out yet nothing regret  used every resource available me studied hard school weekends study yet failed two classes high school til now ive ever skipped  classes one  f fever accident im back home im going go take assessment tests bit local community college ive tried hard years good personon first glance seem normal friendly silent shy esl student social skills hard im scared going i want mom how pathetic that x years old wanted go health professions felt like useless way could useful knowfailure hits especially hardwhen used stress out caused incapacitating stomachaches whole body muscle tremors felt like deserved happy suffered inadequate many people worse mebut feel horrible todayand  people remembered 