cant stay functionable two daysnor hopeful matter though hopeful even peace since began freshmen year college first finals week everything feels fake barely find comfort online redflag resources half depression might never get better kill live miserably next  years half even worse well need things depression keeps doing keeps bed get bed mean yeah get it could act depression still guess im depressed sake insufferable burden family revel making people mad me argue that sorta treatment developed used actual psychologists hope know better brain works i spent lot money yk guess cant follow probably secretly subconsciously dont want get better bc im shitty person wtv idk whats catch im extra pissy bc havent found anything worth staying considered notterrible future realistically attainable since s im  yk feel like crap corner web psychologist country ever able make feel better still feel bc im lazy liar everything get better wont bc ive become complacent wtv last psychologist told me sorry rambling post im crisis bc college life demands act like reasonable human since im unable productive way guess college happening unfortunately dont much option dying bc family going accept living daughter attend college