selfishi struggling suicidal thoughts fear ive become reckless behaviors lost satisfaction joy helping others uplifting them volunteered crisis text line still find wondering pointless help them start wondering allowed selfish even plan redflag would consider ways make look like accident save others truth die way organs could salvaged others live from become okay selfish want someone cherish love me kind selfish clingy desperately claw onto someone love feel like im desperate ok someone want selfishly myself feel like im chained im thinking others first  ok greedily selfish hate every thought wanting reach feels like attention grab cry night missing people life lived far always others feel alone people say arent are touch hug kiss skin deep feel know alone cannot share feeling mine ours thought understand point me wait struck taken death step step closer death accelerated recklessness know need life know want get nothing