want family backi thought perfect family thought marriage perfect traded world turns wife pretending everything okay several months finally become much her leaving opportunity try fix wrong considers months hiding feelings trying says already tried daughter able control crying around every time see reminds im going waking school anymore idea losing family much bear hate wife want lose her best friend looks hated years feel alone empty everything me could talk anything thought could hiding truly felt want wake find horrible nightmare ive wanted die much since told way fix this want live life without best friend even talk like friend want give hug let hold way used to right closest thing friend  year old concerned daddy crying much think id already killed myself planned shoot yesterday think way without traumatizing anyone idea daughter wife finding witness made impossible know do never even remotely thought possibility marriage weve together almost  years happiest  years life without struggles years would never give up im fucking alone