changei also posted rdepression sorry shows twice you  year old man depressed since  suicidal since  come  bullied lot pushed people away small due growing community removed people age completely ruined development social skills years trouble people talking like functioning human being picking social queues making eye contact people friends long stretch time probably  none all physically online really two right infrequent anything overweight  lbs  balding quite noticeably poor skin never wanted anyone hugged kissed nothing all never felt validation terrified never will dad thinks useless failure freak mom loves really pities me halves family share views loss right now know hope want to want normal friends feel loved someone cant feel happy unless someone cares one would care despise myself hate find hard consistent weight loss eating well amp exercise always falter went   im back  feel like im stuck cant unstick die need help need way break cycle want know do feel loved care enough fix way look much can please help me