strength anymoreday  ive feeling like seems like long time almost every day past year contemplated ending life ive selfharmed somehow slitting wrists open watching blood trickle calmed down ive done everything promised wouldnt night went sleep theres something inherently wrong that wanting kill myself despite everything kid age needs around  months ago started slipping college wouldnt attend days stretch days turned weeks weeks turned months knew wasnt good head space id hiding something parents while sent counselling lied woman well couldnt tell anyone one night however mother caught crying sleep told honest said would support matter was told time inappropriately touched grown man almost two years ago ever since like this felt depressed wrong disgusting always called mother best friend literally nothing havent shared her everything sixteen year old girl indian household remains silent about able discuss freely her quite understanding mother much shell go lengths defend argument father still doesnt know doubt would even understand speaking father never hit me hurls abuses me never physically hurt me reminds every day failure wasted investment useless impure negative slacking reminds best hope life job call centre boss yell ill suck desperate money ill husband berate ill mercy dont bring joy im meant anything good regrets giving things has ruin everything touch complete utter disappointment then hours later sweet words usual want whats best you know does person says things every single day start believe it first words pinched would cry listen him scared explain ive become mess am started screaming back pretending dont care calls rude shameless way know block out cry leaves room say is ever finds this im sorry know expected promise tried ive thought months know people worse problems maybe im selfish mine cant live like this strength anymore know im writing this wanted see could put thoughts together theres dayweek rule one must follow committing redflag day one well see happens tomorrow