seriously close redflag idea do real advice neededi  canada lots important details dont want get into basically cant continue living way redflag seems likely dealing immense self hatred since entire life also isolated never friends currentlly unemployed pessamistic future incredibly depressed every day painful already tried meds exercise diet cant make friends therapy self help books moving much self hating make friends anyways basically cant anymore need real action platitudes die destroy family miss world live go crazy cant handle it tell authority redflag hotline doctor therapist bad doing hospitalized forcefully medicated ruin life thats option could tell family severely annoyed almost slightly hate parents dont want talk them cant help except try throw money me take guns away guilt living unhelpful annoying option could tell older sister really helpful smart good stuff like this ive spoken immideately told parents really uncool guarantee tell im suicidal tell parents friends talk to poorly poi t also cant wait slow recovery shotgun cant friends anyone real talk to bound happen soon die theres going back dont want die dont want live way living even more feel bad go insane angry believe need die punish myself seriously guys dont want break sisters hearts parents hearts also cant talk see alternative need actual solution fucking happening dont wabt get detail everything thats going on need real world change fuck do die sorry thanks reading