accidentally wrote suicidal monologueive real bitch panic attack tonight kind went trance wrote this im afraid tell thoughts best friend need someone see them would gun im afraid poison practice see many ibuprofen pills swallow gives much time reconsider indecisive gun quick im good making fast irrational emotionally driven decisions know could kill bullet slitting wrists low success rate considering ive never succeeded anything whole life dont feel confident id succeed that could take pills maybe dont swallow many higher success rate ive looked barbiturates think thats marylin monroe used although illegal ordering online sounds scary difficult could never hang myself wont let someone find like  thought scary gives chills im hoping gun face still tact back head feel eager throw away life like trash im romantic still want body found beautiful like fallen angel snow white think found remembered kill wont able see that ill gone dont get leave come back one life people may think back fondly anything mark painful memory everyones mind dont want painful memory lost loved one want love want make people feel loved want good things help people fuck sadness hard feel weak dont feel like guess could continue like dont know long handle doesnt get better dont know make get better