ive considering  years  years old now think finally time gosince seven years old ive wanted end life suffered home drugaddict parents heavily emotionally abusive father contribute financially emotionally life school always worse despite straight student spent every day life cowering classmates beat up excluded me threatened kill me always overweight even though ate healthy foods took martial arts resulted severe criticism family friends severe selfloathing part depression nothing new me think keeping alive whole time little half brother closest dearest friend life backed defended everything looked despite tortured child im  never month gone redflag surface thoughts never courage tell single soul insecure ive recently seeing doctors dropping college my gpa quickly became  gpa semesterlong severely depressive episode grades much low accepted school scholarships revoked ive diagnosed severe thyroid problem reason ive fat whole life never children first boyfriend past  years taking advantage emotionally entire relationship threatens break every months loses temper due crippling insecurities today broke again want anyone else cant help feel cant stand sometimes im set move hellish home live him feel nowhere go prescribed prozac take phobia taking medication want live anymore even want happy get better want go bed want wake up ive felt way better half eleven years ive lost optimism want everything end