want put story therehi ive never done im sorry mess past filled abuse childhood sucked every time take shower get lost thoughts past abandoned abused poor every moment must filled music distraction recede mind problems cant sleep it dreams always nightmares killed different fashions ive worked hard ive worked large companies finally made management making good money fired ive worked hard since  fired last year spent life saving start buisness failing spent ever last penny start new llc good friend mine said needed consultant got everything done decided didnt ive fighting whole life little little have dont want fight anymore whats point living nothing rest life im intellectual struggles emotions hurts relationship relationship bland anyway arguments sex aggravation dont want fight anymore dont want struggle feel maximum potential slowly slipping away ive achieved im ready take seat final swing set also ya know id call help line power call police would end right there makes angry wish someone would listen judge thank reading thank replying do