fantasies killing myselfi depression  years never suicidal although thought redflag knew could never it met awesome guy make short broke year relationship it second final breakup anyway thought coping whole situation quite well realized im thinking killing first time life thinking planning it buying gun shooting myself therapy much im depressed im miserable thing help talking guy thought asking something stupid like hey want save life talk like  minutes please fantasizing sending text waiting hour shooting ignores i really try contact broke up stalk something like that ps please tell go life something like that fucking waited year feel better working going friends tried guys therapist end day still find single happy thought put sleep going life whatever means option me