so fairness entirely sure found here want leave life behind no really honestly good life people love me physical sense know alone reality am attempted multiple times past mostly drugs remember sort thoughts went it time happened know anything either woke throwing guts hospitali really know anymore beaten batted mind years break mind gives fills false hope never long everything comes crashing back gotten point life things continue get worse memory nearly nonexistent point sometimes see hear things real mind feels like everywhere time somehow feel nothing want die also want beaten mind longer losing touch maybe even lost touch already maybe end maybe not truly know anymore hello