lost sure proceedi m nearly shot three times past month nearly front friends long story involves complicated family social life recently suffered concussion friend hit head day receiving hit lost control emotions real fake amazing gf willing anything help also love desire thats lived  years never go away love close friend well call x x close friend knows feelings recently admitted feeling afraid rejection pain never dated think anything good would happen relationship would constricting love gf dearly loves dream girl day admitting everything burned me said want anything me x whenever gets scared family help neither friends were closely knitted want hurt social circle have told gf everything happened forgiven feel worth love hate x shit pulls through hate able count family hate suicidal since age  long story just sure place next foot death seeming sweet oblivion final note x said shed help issues instantly burnt afterwards gf long distance