cant continue lifeim hopeless last days really understand depression mental illness im sane anymore im awful mood swings ruining me one hour feel suicidal hour feel kinda ok start questioning whether im making up even though know im not always convince moments also makes feel guilty every time vent people feel better feel like using them barely function cant clean room cant get bed everyone tells push through cant cant explain feel like im lazy incompetent useless bad person general already gave many aspects life feel like ill never find love dont deserve it avoid lectures im either tired anxious lately cant even thing love  making music sometimes get excited it start cant im completely empty feel drained cant go like this crash inevitable point im going therapy social anxiety prevents telling therapist many things makes feel awkward pathetic overdramatic depression makes impossible work social anxiety dont want giving like this cant force anything help myself im afraid ill fail college would last straw want go medication week going help time im already behind idk do want stop cant help myself