bipolarim sick ups downsim back manic swings depressed lows havent slept night  days got hrs sleep last night im sick craziness head loud there want stop want normal much live for like hiking adventuring friends cant take ups downs tearing apart matter time starts affecting everyone around me girl seeing see crazy quit talking me friends see dropping get sick swings leave matter time part sucks ive done everything healthy im sober recovery trauma counseling medication compliant im still fucked up im never going ok airsoft gun looks realistic enough get cop end things me every time try fail want live see beauty world want get away pain fear dont control head