days passing byi know people talking killing seek attention it talk killing anyone hear out anytime feel like killing think like would like fall really tall building center town catch im seeking attention hand see joy living always struggle live think making happy playing games didnt think nescessity go school get education get job everything new try brings joy got information get points assignment copied part friends work didnt would chance pass didnt know back then basically make even worse probably study one year this enjoyed studies first two years became nightmare got much work much things dont like dont feel like using future job lost positive feelings studies back wasnt depressed oportunity end life painlessly without making family suffer would go  time life music helped time even doesnt help friends like spend time still prefer die live cant even come viable reason dont enjoy anything feels same finish one assignment comes another know everyone got problems dont see enjoying anything future maybe get job something change dont even dream getting girlfriend picky  ugly problem thats ok first try happy right took medicines effectin year helped lower giant social anxiety like stressed h wanted die stressed anymore want die