diei want die cant seem kill myself decade ive struggled depression fought again exhausted tired climbing hill never get reach peak sliding back down terrible person need change better motivation so broke boyfriend five years let coworker move me let fall love let get heart broken let used used others let anger hatred bubble everything have lost best friends im going lose job everyone hates there loser im  im alone broke depressed bitter cant drive rely friends family everything cause problems could ever hope solve never made single persons life better it once suicidal years often thought almost comforting point never wanted die right now im fuckup comes redflag too cant commit access gun im chickenshit take pills try hanging myself work then failed life much would feel like failed death too want die tonight never known wanted clearly this yet feel trapped cowardice always maker nightmares would ever think would different right know point die