ruined husbands life know else dowell title already explained really ampxb unemployed possibly unemployable pregnant first child husband cant stand anymore together ten years cant keep job motivate study stable within time cost husband career chance hopeful future this believe ever forgive me future looks hopeless terrified tomorrow sent emails everywhere practically begging someone employ least contribute little family finances sending numerous applications received little response im scared im scared future husband hates me scared ive trapped miserable marriage could id make would work fulltime could stay home look kids want think children better me better person me occurred could get husband agree life insurance me could insure lot money female ablebodied otherwise healthy something happen maybe husband could fresh start something else never forgive kill myself hes never going forgive anything else ive done either problem im pregnant think baby deserves die really need help