feel goodi kind figured future id end killing myself oddest foreign feeling instead really feeling sad depressed exclusively feel also sense philosophical rationality comes wanting kill yourself all suffer entire life instead suffering lot little never suffering again entire life revolved around failure many times life ever genuinely good coping mechanism emanating sense fake happiness joy morbid jokes im sure someone shoes probably see bright future ahead either im depressed suffering mental illness final year high school likely getting colleges universities want again entire experience school fucking horrible matter hard try always fucking fail school worst fucking thing ever happened me want go near another institution again literally even know want life even want anything it life fucking garbage want anymore this hope sound like anything menial fear life fear want end midlate s jobless or fucking horrible  broke worthless actually helpless literally one even parents around help figured killed sooner bad compounded depression turning even deeper utter sense failure guilt regret comes living ive relatively high achiever life feeling low really fucking hurts makes question value existence literally cannot connect anyone cannot talk anyone want talk anyone pseudo bullshit hotlines web services fucking horrible making lose faith humanity makes hate existence even more ive depressed several years gone it acid summer kind changed life better reality life hitting me shitty forseeable future showing again ever since born life actually shit abused young kid til now immense levels neglect throughout entire areas life want contribute something great things past weeks realized thinking could ever thing delusion everyone around telling im delusional thinking make anywhere realized right im sure believe either shoes really potential im stupid fucking dreamer wanna help impact guess deserve much im always known things really extreme insane fashion want go bang make chances living really low want quick never temporary looming long time since young ive tried several support groups counsellors lot stuff im done here unfortunately im really good lying nooses proper rope long drop system place potassium cyanide pills  gauge shotgun im looking help guidance cant really neglect longer really thought would fade away im also curious would humans ever feel like killing themselves dogs animals that mean humans much better quality life compared dogs humans resources get yet still decide cost alive exceeds benefit value extracted enhanced quality life