feeling giant mental breakdown coming past days ever since mom started shit last week got sociopath something bc truly feels remorse sympathy anyone herself crazy gaslighter always makes feel like everything fault know not anyway abundance issues started dad unexpectedly passed away last year think due immense amount redflag grief upsetting bc health issues take much life away  physical limitations strict diet restrictions hard adjustment especially hitting time able handle tho mom starts shit me get triggered break way down extremely upset due this writing list reasons hate life literally middle writing mom walks door starts shit me shaking feel paranoid even delusional like losing touch reality upset memories past year come flooding back stuck cannot get break