i hate myself i am the reason i m sad i have no excuse some day i m so happy and blissful but then there are a lot of day most of them where the only thing in my mind is killing myself in multiple way i overthink i plan to perfection i have ish plan to kill myself without my family cleaning anything up i already have an unofficial will written for when i do kill myself i don t want my family to struggle to pick up the piece of why i killed myself so there s always a note then i just do something where no one can find my body i m sad for no reason there is no porpoise to existing i want to help people but i fail to do so all the damn time i joke about killing myself but those joke are getting more specific and i m pretty sure people are catching on that i actually wan na kill myself i actually tried but thankfully failed i didn t have a rope or gun so i started choking myself to do the job i really wan na but i just can t please help me