took meds nearly week feel terriblei getting brain zaps jumps body fatigued sleepy  although parts medicationi dreading going sleep past days fear dreams second reality life get real rest dreams strange odd feelings leave wake unexplainable makes feel low touch life begun hate dreamsi want dreams anymore want blip non existing hours leastmy patterns same nearly  years now wake eat trapped room sleep repeat memories past years days nothing years nothing anymorenot time makes sensei looking move abroad chase dream really plausible motivating anymore got left last hope life work least tried endi waking sad miserable lonely tired life seeming meaningless every minute real thing keeping going family musici still virgin bothered normal age never love feelings anyone one woman meant world me  years still mind time fantasising cannot together starting care like attitude lifei still strong faith god hard keep going let live born let doctors save collapsed lung  months premature god knew life would like life getting me joke you still love though hope forgive ever know need talk get system