third post on this subreddit from this account most day are anxiety inducing i spend the majority of my life in my bed no job struggling to complete my coursework or even just to take a shower a of the last year these day that i have struggled with since i wa ten have become many and far in between i wake up dreading the fear that the day will bring the argument the pain and the inevitability of my own suicide i know one day the suffering will be too much to bear and without doubt i will hurt many people i have felt for month that day is getting closer than ever a few day when the argument subside and i feel a little more hopeful about where my life is going i am filled with a passion and love for everything about life that i hate i want to strive to get a job get my license succeed in college again reach out to people and take care of myself in way that i can t bear to do usually i still have hope i crave to escape the hole that i am in but it feel inescapable whenever i try to turn my life into something more positive i am met with another detrimental setback that put me at square one all over again it make me fear being happy because i know those period will only last a few day at most i feel so desperate to not feel miserable i really don t want to die but i am sick of this cycle i see other people so content in loving relationship with family and i crave it so badly i feel helpless to my own circumstance and i am unsure of how to get better