cheated onhi there little background information me name alex turned  last month broke things ex  last weekend weve dated two years longest time borderline personality disorder issues abandonment growing up first met hooked rather quickly huge red flag mother i never girlfriend before ignored pursued relationship her throughout course relationship kept lot male attention claimed friends reality either cheating making money escort online shed cheat id find out wed break up wed miss other wed get back together on eventually started take toll attempted take life felt like worth anything anymore abandonment issues running childhood started surface handle overwhelming feeling good enough anyone love long story short ended d release found phone flooded sobbing messages regret ex hard hearing voice someone love saying much miss love regret everything theyve done apologize like theyve never done before looking back know fell love someone exist time together months started thing ended things off spent alone trying date around ended meeting someone else paper seemed like ideal girlfriend mental problems job car placeeverything girlfriend lacked problem physically attracted her broke things two months realized fair waste time falling love like ex month later mother stepdad planning thanksgiving dinner local country clubhouse ex worked i assumed due borderline personality disorder work history held job offered buy seat agreed ended still working entire time really pleasant nice parents tried asshole ignored attempts strike conversation end dinner leave asked parents hug agreed whole time falling shit really hated walked car alone got home messaged back telling eff ever run appreciate little show put on defended self said break it  months since last talked done growing up kept job really ashamed everything talked long time eventually got back together together since nov ended last weekend caught talking guys openly flirted despite mentioning me i know extent flirting went deleted history prior day broke up day did flirted seemed giving good morning texts so either way right feel bit hopeless feel worthless lost right now know im going purpose is cant help feel like im fault sex bad giving enough attention ugly poor short whats wrong deserve this know do want run away pit despair gut want go home beer cry crap much live for cant go back wanting end time want move forward need someone talk friends