convinced myself putting much pressure current partner incredibly selfish so way unintentionally emotionally manipulating boyfriend stay even though feelings  genuine sentiment if breaks up die cannot see move pain way much handle already not make better work stuff i feel need commit suicide unless fight sometimes underlying feeling messed way much redflag depression pain going driven point think nothing fixable cannot deal present live without partneri need suggestions answers anything hope life cannot even think suicide cannot equate relationship even stuff gets worse absolutely cannot it cannot put kind pressure partner wants leave able to already told this wish not might take decisions based thishow stop feeling equate relationship made mind committing suicide event breakup