see future myself think means im supposed onei know im actively suicidal actually redflag attempt years really view self harm redflag attempt since really point life threatening see point living though feel sort hollow numb time like smile laugh enjoy things think actually ever happy im ashamed myself im ashamed way body looks im ashamed fact im fat ive ruined self harm scars im ashamed cant seem keep people life fact im anxious depressed always comes out even though try hard normal functional partners im ashamed relationships ive in significant others greatest people im ruined fucked one would actually good long term would ever want me ive honestly given ever another loving relationship im slutty chick people fuck leave one would ever proud me even worthless im imposter job know anything hardly anything office im sort here know fired me let alone hired first place im school specific job field actually see graduating getting job see anything life ive never able see future myself honestly big emptiness there ive living day day basically past decade im surprised killed already honest always kind head think maybe fact right completely alone means optimal time it fuck life even more one really going miss devastated passing could sort pretty much affairs like hour so biggest issue would making sure house clean organized want anyone deal cleaning messes feel like even serious thing im experiencing sort mania sadness im just calm exactly resigned like im ready life supposed end