cant find reason keep goinglife thrown wrench toolbox full wrenches me due event suffer ptsd depression anxiety paranoia night terrors get average  hours sleep night  years now hear voice see sometimes paranoia distrust caused end marriage divorce left  name moved friends another state opened one woman one two roommates something similar loved one another ended pushing away shes since left sleeping roommate night horrific hearing them job easy stressing poorly employees do cant handle all ive since far surpassed threshold want end all motivation life whatsoever im robot autopilot wake or simply get dont sleep go work go home lay down waiting end sometime dont want kill know hurt family friends also want die want hit car choke something die lose control car poor conditions someone rob end shooting me ive keep going all