nothingim sorry im sure people worthy people would actually go it think im going to matter much want end even plan anymore thought always plan going happen worthwhile people spend responses on guess needed scream space yknow feel like failure part am went incredible college im working artist even though artmaking fellowship closed show day job parttime though honestly love it make less spend rent month theory making art getting jobs using money survive ive depressed anything stay bed days off im supposed using art cant even that im fat seems like nonsequitor im dancer first round suicidal ideation came disordered eating behaviors stopped managing depression least thats campus therapist told me made enough sense believed her ran away therapy stupid reasons wanted anorexic bulimic time worked nerve go therapy transitioned mostlybulimic behaviors ashamed wrong eating disorder fucking stupid that accept help disorder thought less glamorous one started with fucks sake started dating girl also anorexic behaviors depression wonderful tried make healthy fueled behaviors didnt dumped nowhere seven months ago im sure best seems happy now ive barelyfunctional since then rock best friend person knew extent going head totality support system though tried rely much left someone else now seems happy lot healthier talk much anymore im fat working working partially im afraid go auditions weight do also afraidashameddepressed go classes gym take care myself im stuck stupid cycle even convince one day hey yeah lets take steps make better takes much energy lasts maybe day maybe two im back curled covers staring netflix distract thoughts anybody died coworkers would first notice think im supposed go work tomorrow show think would call text probably think check show tuesday timed right died work thursday would four days anyone would even notice im sorry im mostly crying ex still silly happier without me feel like failure cant make take steps become anything else know make things better just it know im scared convinced ill fail depressed really fucking lazy it nothing nothing mean nothing provide nothing im sorry im going go it im sorry wasting time