used think redflag realized death nothingnessmy reasons thinking redflag might silly others reasons boredom mediocrity young everybody including myself believed great potential success family circumstances prevented reaching potential live normal life struggling like people felt equated failure wanted die instead work  getting by thats saw future felt worth living still enjoy little things though comfortable bed watching favorite shows good food treasured friends kill myself what nothing i unlike others want redflag healthy pain would really want exchange little things nothingness even times burdened regrets self pity still things worth living recently realized big things life like successful career expensive travels amazing able release suicidal thoughts little things little things exchange nothingness death