f really messed life dont hopemy family always shitty me dont speak family anymore it speak mom phone week speak brother birthdays holidays sister father contact with extended family grew isolated from dont speak either dont friends like mean isnt single person world call phone casual conversation otherwise with one person call husband got married last year knew schizophrenic knew family antisemitic mom saluted hitler front knowing im jewish married anyway werent even contact family much stopped taking meds psychosis relapsed couldnt function work staying parents house stressed psychosis triggering suicidal thoughts keep thinking much fucking hate family like zero repercussions would want actually cause physical harm mother also really angry would jeopardize finances ability work taking meds feel really alone like reason live like need divorce husband dont want kill myself divorce starting life seems harder killing myself dont know im fucking exhausted emotional support whatsoever feel like failure like made poor naive decisions im paying feel like want life doesnt matter existence doesnt matter feels like wont ever get better cheers