 already  years of budding addiction job again perpetually selfdestructing family complete inability make new friends girlfriend  onoff years moved back baggageboroi spent entire teenage life abstaining drugs wanted enjoy adult fresh brain realized threshold child adult hopeless blur bad genes genes winning far enjoy altered im college dropout skills retailfastfoodlevel experience vehicle day job applications essentially shittiest lottery ever hope placed lucky enough win minimum wage im person real life internet theres real mask anonymity use flatten selfesteem palatable wafer bitterness may come girlfriends proliferous digital social life utterly failed thing lived room years charming best feels like matter luck moved back came months telling know wanted me couple weeks expressly wanting baby family future moved conversation week know need do try harder get job learn marketable skill open people more move worst need dragged it need friends somewhere go id like beach im right there car get it