helpi messaged before tried look positive things life let get dragged hurt constantly feel wife cheated me spent savings move out leaving rented home wife dog desperately miss doctor  months medication see counsellor weekly also psychiatrist able work since christmas cant handle emotionally pretty much said job anymore living brothers house enough money get divorce done thats it  close friends best cant around  suicidal year now try hard tell things get better friends find hard understand feel even though emailed explained fell alone lost everything worked for cry constantly really want go anymore know would end life think it makes feel much relaxed point even want try find way out want die thing stopping right now sister would gone know feeling cant keep putting feelings mine want selfish want instead putting people first wrong want go life pain someone else wants one person tells it get better swear scream wrong putting first