lost everything everything everyone around me one person keeping alive left stopped talking me played people used me look mom mental abuses talks me always arguments us horrible relationship  cannot anything help myself wish could kid feel pain dad left everything anymore stayed night hand full pills wondering live anymore cannot look good things life anymore numb pain point mom care feel help cousin close severely suicidal almost went mental hospital think dying wish wake mornings miss life easy worry anything family homeless half life living people stay room day nothing zero mental energy even get bed even eat one closest friends living tried killing mom police involved actually nothing it even charge him tried calling saying sorry sick person want scream loud kind done living