tried overdose last night brother standing front methis exactly title says no partial attempt counter painkillers situation didnt walked me forgot lock door laid bed little rows mg prozac mg zoloft mg prazosin singular extra strength ibuprofin know came downstairs say anything happening fight that weve lot lately ever since got girlfriend hes different now episode panicking body looked trying make eat ive diagnosed anorexic years started yelling triggered ptsd went walk outside hour came home went straight room laid pills came started ibuprofin  prazosin theyre hard swallow get gritty stick tongue taste bad wanted get way upset crying telling understand ive getting better told people tend fall pushed theres much know ive diagnosed bundle things cptsd did depression generalized anxiety also experience psychosis time time body covered scars forearms legs chest sides throat everywhere ive multiple attempts past always stopped something found time taken hospital ive tried drowning suffocation slitting radial artery slitting throat even stabbing myself ive close attempts trains nooses why feel like reading backstory means click away skip it tldr abused trans kid used smart dropout living away home ampxb used get absolutely perfect grades never failed anything several years ahead school work fathers old mechanical engineering textbooks seventh grade graduated eighth grade honors grades slowly started slip parents manipulative emotionally abused us kids two biological siblings sister called e younger brother named z currently   respectively raised z parents always working going places together takes much fed clothed got trouble it e hated ever since came trans constantly told kill myself would hit scream retaliated got trouble parents accepting either told phase know  came  years ago hated looked began starve myself cooked refused eat table them always excuse ready time   sexually abused one person relied trusted help sexually abused me want go court november think ill able to want go detail this hurts ive experiencing psychosis since kid saw therapists young age grandma always took me would hear voices see mutilated bodies horrid creatures still experience this suspicion may schizophrenic cant diagnose currently psychiatrist last one saw listen told diagnoses brushed ptsd tried double already high dosage zoloft stopped going taking meds high risk back march year hospital got back school principal told valid excuse falling far behind courses dropped out three days birthday last year turned  packed clothes school bag sent parents email school saying going home withdrew parental consent live ontario form emancipation law that would homeless friend called a told last minute allowed stay place thats still turn  october  call brother thats essentially is family feels like family mine things started get better like said less ptsd episodes live with really talked it  alters know of theyre like another family head blanks day bother me even though things getting better also getting worse relapsed anorexia recently skin bone ive selfharmed twice past month close friends girlfriend brother people understand this everyone age hates ex spread rumors school brother girlfriend  months now lots friends hes  im jealous wish could him wish born male wish friends wish could relationship like has tell this hurts upsets me pretty much ignores me sit room alone work sleep cant sleep im trying make career working online blogging made anything yet ive lost hope even though ive week motivation cant keep day job many episodes ive tried nobody accommodates many mental issues have working difficult brother tried get friends friends think call friends close cant go anything play magic gathering sometimes im tired im tired hurting im tired sleepless nights im tired hated alone im tired knowing nobody really cares live die except one person ampxb came last night still trying swallow two prazosin tried scoop pills grab all picked rest sat there staring him told eff leave alone yelled saying it started mockingly repeating earlier words back him yelling much jerk hes lately took  zoloft right front him hit water bottle hand dry swallowed told leave again remember feeling nothing rage fear even tired felt nothing wanted pills done trying push way life everything going on still am took last night lethal sickening knocked  hours hate forgot lock door want get better ive really trying im tired im sick fighting want sleep never wake up