feel sick days end eat enough lay bed listen stomach smell dirty dishes sink think washed hair days feel sick go back sleep shut out feel sad feel sick exhausted disinterested used much like art guitar hikes teenager interests sit across room collecting dust days work manage get done unless end going bed around pm get home usually random bursts motivation allow cleaning hygienic things embarrassing boyfriend gets home sees laying bed still  pm go things spent day thinking maybe able drag bed go something course usually busy even go things always come back feel like want sleep helps chores cannot expect pick me sitting thinking need get shit together attracted someone like this show parents house looking great convincing life going well go home lay bed again think body going deteriorate longer lay here know get shit together though weird people call admirable capable half decent job degree inside feel like really anything half memorable interesting read people saying like learn lot really mean different anyone else end life interests actually mean anything make difference kind live die it health conditions also make functioning hard me pots structural issues makes hard walk around sometimes get up stay active feel full energy think emotions related that combines larger hurdle overcomei dunno feel lot fact feel lot sob like child heart feels like explode go back numb hungry sleep next time alive enough feel pain again rambly borders nonsensical saying thinking certainly talk people life feelings done made realize sound like broken record point need ask crying bailed plans heard million times breaking cycle feels impossible