really adult ft fault theirsmy mom asked looking job because yknow hit  im adult capable adult things like told everyone else asked bad wanted kill school idiot doctors think way theyve asked ive socializing school going plan school ends like every minute im awake spent thinking much id love cover room walls blood ive told stupid pills work said i notice changes they _the months said magic pills help me_ said wanted start testosterone said unstable would higher risk killing started _after telling months pills are helping im getting better_ fuck everyone going hear say want kill say _we hear understand anyways almost  plans future_ real kicker professional idiots heard say _i hate living_ _i stopped taking pills_ believed next month said _everything ok_ _ive taking pills_ last  years change mind transgender think ill change mind now ive told feel always _oh old enough decide_ _youre stable enough_ ask uncertain future functioning member society adult makes old stable enough _now_ warned _very_ long time ago think worth much trouble im sure ill dead  decided try anyway im room wishing final push really funny mom pissed told spent whole day cutting myself even going tell her said glad stopped messaging tell feel self destructive got head thought depression gone took sharp things ok though  doesnt know about