close people suffering death enough reason to honestlyi want fucking kill would suffer it want continue numb existence others want actual concrete reasons would make me feel better living feeling worse dying want reasons me wanting live further want wake one day think misery one fucking  trillion people parents couldve given birth to want look gratitude instead life gift say well could fucking donate soul someone actually wants use truly live would would right fucking now ask here time machine id go back parents met would prevent ever happening feel like fucking mistake feel like im worth air im breathing atoms im occuping even here even feeling alone anymore feeling better described alone whole planet  times bigger earth athmosphere crushing everyday bit day im completely broken feel like obnoxious piece sand inside mechanism perfect clock fuck me