want hereive never depressed whole life family longer talk ive deleted social media except reddit live boyfriend fuck felt wanted felt loved like two years makes feel like shit express frustrations invalidates feelings calls crazy says people usually say you me im telling you me summer told kill one occasion went vegas actually purposefully sliced leg open badly night vegas massacre happened too bad concert right uncle died year go january father ever was feels like father figure look died cant see point more even loaded gun including silencer wake anyone loudly everyone work id feel awful ive got everything ready problem im pussy want live want hurt want find im going burn forever hell even though think exists like happened exist ive already lived full lifetime pain cant get break even decided id bathroom bit easier clean up even though know itll get everywhere pretty much least could run shower get lot it one loves me one cares family friends children pets im burden everyone knows me want wish could stop bitch pull trigger