slowly surrendering thought never completely happy even know writing this watching football match italy uk everyone cheering teams victory felt lost touch like everything slowing around me could feel anything seeing everyone happy made feel much pain thought never reach anything like made feel scared terribly devastated wanted express feelings someone life anyone could really understand lot empathetic faces smile one really knows feels feel tears eyes breath caught throat thought ending non stop mind know ever it want hurt anybody making others happy continue suffer inside sorry badly written mind fog right now much feel need say little actually say feel defeated giving up