life fine want diei desire die cant get rid of life objectively bad issues anxiety bipolar disorder depressive state right now panic attacks response stress cry everywhere  home walking reading gym bus  honestly even feel shame nothing matters reason kill think would waste organs corneas since would brought hospital soon enough viable would kill violently outside hospital pretty sure kill least suitable method order cant anywhere find least one person going feel knowing alone makes unsure survive feeling much longer mystical experience something beautiful side life flat pale comparison utterly pointless cannot feel pleasure strong desire end waste life love everything everyone want hurt anyone dissociated body want free used feel ok feeling think ashamed feeling like this start feel horrible guilt want die someone help tell alone crazy cant take feeling anymore one talk cant keep alone edit know talk anyone scared me whenever someone says redflag people call cops come get me feeling better getting mental ward worse life less organized effed up makes even worse cant even tell anyone feelings