losing fucking marbles im going ranti want start saying bait im fishing attention posting really need rant calm down thanks ahead read this know going lot dad always thinks talk shit bathing self pity like way get attention fucking not im slowly surely going fucking insane know dad thinks excuse half ass alive cant help it really im trying even went therapy took meds gave really cannot see point keep trying nothing working kind getting better little trying avoid triggers like certain people situations ive found sheltered real world intense urge kill keeps coming back matter hard try switched bottle desperate attempt smother intense impulses counter productive would end miserable drunk made redflag seem justifiable get angry least im angry im sad least  years would sad im   sister  time got molested front baby sitters son could feel ashamed anything mom would cry drunk mind father left her little game would play called bird says dont cry would lean say dont cry thats think now shit happened young keeps coming back boiling anger aimed particular direction talking helps much thing keeping going family mom bipolar drug addict brother angry nothing plus hes slowly surely developing extremely intense alcohol problem try cope everything brother recovering drug addict sister best friend kept going dark ass times shes strong tarnish selfish reasoning know shes got lot shes repressing whole family brink besides dad happy live blissful ignorance situation cant throw board myself wouldnt fair god damn getting hard keep going thank read this side note dont mean ripping family love rant