get helpi graduated college ive struggling depression now took turn worse summer  first scary night went hated life fully completely first time know going do texted someone talked calm state suicidal ideation became common experience senior year culminating nearbreakdown graduation since then ive unable find job effort call walkin talk manager uses energy im running money depression seems getting worse rarely go week without thinking much want dead moms health insurance cover therapy really know do im isolating girlfriend scared might something stupid impulse bad day go do know need get job try jobs basically source anxiety future theyre enormous emotiondump me since hate idea getting soulless job thats going crush years time im end rope need help clue find it