go know going get betterim  friends family  debt working marginal job getting by worthless college degree old retrain retirement savings working die wage slave something wrong know is like around people ones tolerate feel nothing towards in care never saw people again social situations give anxiety eccentric something odd me disturbing others one reasons trouble finding holding onto real adult job could never forge social relationships get anywhere smart enough skate pure ability bother torture hope suffer endlessly little hope return efforts want die instincts betray me disgusting instinct forces irrationally cling life wish defeat die finally free truth death