im sure anythingi know even belong here even sure depressed while point think must be suicidal thoughts best times last  years therapist says theres good chance ever go away bipolar disorder episodes even im medication sloppy taking last month so im sure thats contributing factor lately the past week half maybe ive nothing sleep cant get bed one two days made outside one made work im essentially using sick days right now go sleep wake take benadryl nyquil sleep again rinse repeat day feel purposeless lonely thats true while feel like im slipping acute sharp painful kind depression numbing sort drives nuts anyway feel like want end it scare anymore ive essentially suicidal six years im sure good used it many good things happened recently cant seem hold them feel like im stuck way down