thank  thank still here isnt easy horribly beautiful world easy feel alone easy feel hopeless maybe community gives even smallest semblance togetherness minuscule amount hope still dark clouds dont seem going anywhere thank sitting darkness feels weird write  ive browsed awhile reached times  new accnt though  pain overwhelming sometimes dont know pain hurt heart  amp people fail empathize someone truly suffering  barely hanging  make much worse despite intention thank deep ocean pain going  dunno  darkness dont flashlight  us  share experience  pain  amp maybe something even know intention wanting share  id like hope wholesome maybe ego say never shut either thank dark cloud suffering easy mind want compare try amp see itself darkness right  used  left  day silent vipassana meditation retreat agonizing heart feels stronger now thank agonizing human existence depressed amp suicidal  years still sometimes deep darkness like before  held knife chest  didnt push held amp kept saying want die want die mom witnessed fast forward blah blah pain darkness depression youve heard far worse amp maybe worse comparing help us thank confusing unmerciful house dont know id alive someone didnt pull lost someone started really leave darkness darkness baby  year old sister dying arms car accident amp almost dying too gave little strength swim up introduced meditation  meditation  dont like word lot connotations attached it havent thought good replacement word really sitting  along movement important like yoga amp qi gong training training bodies minds amp hearts muscles grow amp psychedelics amazing pitfalls thank river sorrow anyway blah blah whats use anything fast forward  years path amp am id probably dead without stuff amp wanna invite try smallest things  imagine sitting front you feeling terrible right now sitting hunched pain amp take one giant deep breath inhaling pain amp darkness sitting front you amp imagine filling body  hold  amp breathe cooling soothing relief yourself thank tried amp thank didnt maybe something maybe bullshit like everything else wanna tell one time thank here amp sucked im sorry tried like rest assholes try make worse 