think im done lifei cant describe feel anymore ive social issues since  struggled making new friends eventually lost old ones go school homeschool dropped youth church group two years ago since constantly getting picked on im   month im sitting bed dark realising one going birthday next month thought numb wasnt actually hurts knowing past three years ive mainly myself girlfriend year ago slowly opened betrayed trust using sick purposes since ive spiraling depression without able anything it cant talk parents theyre kind understand things like this ive tried talking sister moved work either since one talk stubborn asshole refusing vent online friends ive resorted cutting drinking painkillers every day life got sick crying sleep resorted drinking painkillers help sleep motivation life anymore im much pain im beyond point thinking others think end life