cant even imagine feeling better ive suicidal almost year or down say day cleaned room moving home summer felt awesome felt really really happy next day downhill today even lower know is school absolutely nobody home least parents room comforts feel bad even feel gets worst feel like happiness all feel future humdrum holding on weird day ask questions felt awesome now even imagine world friends every ideal thing cant see feeling better hurts think someone something something completely unaffected like operating outside normal reality know kill myself one hand hurt feel bad see reason put death hand feel like resist this must reason everyone throwing bridges often think means something feel better one event affect differently makes feel better end would it edit someone would suggest it bipolar good mood equate manic episode