redflag im currently  years old ok life uppermiddle class teen easy thats problem mother tried hard give life wanted thats good thing made mud worked hard position society turn like shit fs school nothing going me used varsity baseball player started getting horrible grades kicked team want get good grades care subconsciously dont give fuck anything ive indirectly taught work anything mother resents it father left  never supportive father figure life confide trust ive taught show emotions ive keeping bottled years away anyone emotions ask well one  people ever trusted life passed away  years ago accident crossing road going store cousin kyle struck car october    died impact hes person ever shared emotions taken me  seconds slower would fine one except girlfriend idea im mess doesnt know im depressed doesnt know im failing school doesnt know childhood trauma ive forced through doesnt know shit ive showed good stuff deserves better depressed thats really even reason im going end life reason nothing look forward to everyones life ends point ive decided ending day turn  good morning today october th  regret inform native teen dontei lecue aged  died morning due high speed collision suspect due state drowsiness influence narcotics