seriously feel like shell everyday struggleim m im terrified life friends girlfriend fault though girl broke months ago really stressed life worried relationship changing makes sense used friends brother cut old friends life nothing drama queens often stay awake nights wondering lost girl supposed with like quick silly relationship real thing slowly time developed feelings eventually clicked really sweet girl best boyfriend her sometimes would want go somewhere something id say im busy work something looking back wonder that seem like me even felt guilty sex had felt dirty awful days after felt like scumbag felt weird someone care like did really worry one chance love know know im  experienced world yet really love me cant get back even tried hardest another guy started dating  weeks split up hurt one ended things night texted told felt listened understood told need move ill find amazing girl future id like believe im best looking guy im short pretty average looking kinda boring learn lot relationship weird way heartbreak kinda good thing ive learned better person really treat people much respect really worry im going punished breaking heart worry hurt someone come along hurt worse ive learned lesson past months hell ive learned people objects love inst game something take care maintain almost like car mental health plummeted therapist im sure really helps aside losing pushed old friends away me really regret doing toxic people looking manipulate cause drama every little thing ive never seen men act like fools stopped talking them walked away told handle bs left course like it find lonely work come home eat ill play video games every again try go things find fun find constantly lonely upset ive tried making new friends work really kind crowd ill starting senior year fall cant wait get with want go college meet new people get fresh start dad works security guard one local colleges get free tuition im sure understand great is really even know major in id also like join military point life id like adventure get old ive always interested military cant decide want ill drop college join military find something like ill get degree join officer work walmart today guy work told works mcdonalds  comes walmart works  hes  divorces everyone ex wifes cheated him really want end like that want start living cousin gave great advice comes life love told never afraid losing people never ever think girl dated the one millions like her see point programming freak things worry ill eventually marry convenience end getting cheated on ive seen terrible is mom cheated dad twice turned shell man want like that feel like im destined explore see much see idk really believe spiritual mumbo jumbo multiple people told old soul me theres something gives old soul vibe maybe thats true maybe well never know want live life want make great life long friends want fall love amazing girl become man want be id like think im bad person someone needs help im there im personable person ill talk anyone always try see everyone point view understand everyone thinkingfeeling im stingy money either sure im trying save money someone needs cash ill help out im introvert super outgoing personality everyone works seems like school ive fair share headbutts couple pleasant people go way start problems ive really working improve feels like im stuck theres nothing really driving forward anyone give advice id really appreciate it ive used analogy older posts ill use again best way describe im feeling feel like im ship ocean im helm compass thick film fog surrounding entire vessel pick heading compass wont know whats front know anymore whats point going ive already messed life up feel like complete shit guess deserve punishment