pointi good friends job drop college year never relationship either im always looking way human contact despite this life particularly bad home state supports enough live minimal life could still finish degree apply jobs least train skills time world see would want that sit home pointless stuff keeps somewhat happy sane hand brought another problem mind months is even continue living point anything matter die today live another  years accomplishing nothing past week thinking ending void feels far better option today spent entire day researching different redflag methods could drift away but im starting feel somewhat content pointless stuff actually preventing making final decision constant desire dying im sort middle ground cant kill cant live either want way feeling