literally waiting die im assuming like people here know start please excuse throwaway seems popular please do also already see therapist please no you get help it already know how thing brings solace ive familiar death since young age would really rather acceptforce alternative obviously im hurtdepressedanxious managing  years think manage anymore problem brother died  years ago cant put family again although im actively trying kill myself im becoming reckless daily actions decisions hopes accidentally die know pretty much it im pretty super keeping happygolucky faade want family thinking anything different four years later still blame brothers clearly accidental overdose im essentially waiting immediate family die also know written well deleted need posting rredflagwatch