it ha almost been month since i lost my nephew more like my brother though i wa at the time and he wa he wa the person that meant the absolute most to me we have both struggled with suicide our entire life i used to be a very emotional and empathetic person and i tried to make everyone happy i am no longer that in fact in the past year leading up to the event i had slowly lost my emotion empathy my ambition and pretty much everything that make a human human but when it happened i lost everything i wa and am no longer the person i wa i want to be happy again i want to care about people i want to care about music again i want to care about car again i want my hobby back most of all i want him back and what we had we were the same person our emotion the way we thought our diet everything affected our body the same way we thought about thing the exact same way our reaction were the same the thing we loved were the same for the most part our depression wa the same the thing that haunted u were the same the thing we were scared of were the same we were the same person i don t really know how to go on without him i have people that care about me but it doesn t matter they aren t him i don t even know why i m writing this this won t change anything i just wa listening to music he used to love and i wa finally able to cry a bit it s gone now though my feeling are gone again my life feel fake now