want deadim stuck im really good expressing emotions ive always told show negative emotions parents ive behavioral problems stemming mostly bullying throughout elementary school ive suicidal feelings since grade   found easy talk people reason people kept putting harshly tried telling parents problems tell cry get upset got psychiatric help started acting severly public ive made attempts redflag younger mostly trying strangle blankets entered highschool ive learnt supress emotions leads pouring bottled emotion situation came feel way always felt fake always feel like emotions foul mimicries real emotion always feel distant people interact them painful especially bad parents make activites want social activity dad always insists coaching hes tougher kids make think hes giving special treatment immediate family loves tease tell embarrassing stories even im obviously unhappy tell themit makes uncomfortable single pick me recently feelings started getting worse longer supress im alone comes feel awful told parents ive started feeling depressed wanted see psychiatrist dad bringing along public dealing puberty things relate kids feeling sad started telling people outright ive horrible feelings making programs really help started insisting letting work eventually lied told worked talked mom said im mostly exaggerating cause reason sad brought relationship parents school life told face bad others problems reinforced another problem im having see people worse lives feel like im faking attention feel horrible parents never seemed satisfied anything do always encourage better without giving much praise difficult things ive accomplished gave trying since ill never satisfy anyones expectations parents really nice stuff sometimes got gaming setup recently pay lot stuff want feel horrible talk problems like hover me giving much privacy getting upset find things say theyve always said things like ive never loved cant tell love not parents bad experiences ive adults either elementary used punish getting bullied easier even suspended times reason sent summer camps one made calender system rate behaviour grandma recently died point funeral weekend want anything told make excuses gave bad day banned camp trip jungle gym place two teenage girls pushed one elastic spider web tower things hurt got upset told wrong telling cause theyre girls feel like im everything wrong longer live upset hurt people want end badly cant even tell people lying feel guilty dying theyre genuinely concerned wrong cant make anyone happy want kill badly never it im breaking im even sure posting okay selfish