suicidal heres personal story im even world think am think probably bestory part feel free skip tldr  ive accused suicidal since high school friend mine committed redflag boarding school soon after accused suicidal ideation school wanted remove remaining sinners i atheist religious school prior foster care attacked daily abusive foster mother accused foster children conspiring made public grabs attention for foster parent apparent disabled children bullied school held back segregated classroom sat alone room till state shut program down brought back normal schooling segregated due bullying eventually sent religious boarding school foster parents started watching crime programs started reading biased psychology books got pretty weird ideas heads attacks children increased  teenage masterbation sign psychopathywitchcraft  bullied made loner therefore psychopath  thing bullied affluent teachers found foster care  rejecting religious doctrine made satanistwitch  meditation to cope abuse type satanism  anxious around violent attacks proved disorganized thinking and attacked violently humiliated punishment thinking going so catch   bullied forcibly dressed geeky goodwill clothes meant trying look ridiculous attention people forcibly dressed them school tormented staff peers two specific bullies in school one eventually got expelled behavior often joked murdering me claims remember fabricate wild stories justify behavior example tried give food from younger aggressive brothers stash gave small portion homeless guy outside bus station going boarding school bully slapped down called fake christian main reason bullied aggressively competitive another reason fact christian often used excuse torment me punched lights out walked away bathroom see damage was came back sitting attractive girl asked crying brother chuckled told spazz myself laughed me eventually expelled younger brother caught dvd containing porn normal porn violation schools rules dean which often harassed abused powers make life living hell demanded come office answer crime biased towards brother the athlete school bully even gave condo room forced live childrens dorms complaints criminal bullying that catch  im child fight im psychotic do said possession s law punish whomever found on told could punish whomever spirit told to called preacher two accused suicidal stated abuse power accusing people lead friends redflag which meant unlike going stand it hence sitting correcting them said friend committed redflag changing school policy teens previous mental health problems other sins would admitted school locked bedrest quarantine three days without food water bathroom break told parents caught porn threatened commit redflag really course one stuck me told teens christian allowing people bully till day adults people believe extreme social segregation order got job pizza parlour things looking younger brother showed demanding free pizza refused leave start try coercion get free pizza saying he give brother free pizza hes mentally ill hes bipolar fuck hell spaz you boss told leave soon   people worked started bullying made demands else would lie acting mentally ill refused start sticking day clothes toilet shoes ended roof etc relationship coworker went south yelled work police called fired it affluent area ran screaming also attracted attention admit fight stupid nothing insane said said i cant believe slept chick over job hunting landlord owned slimey porn store apartment the apartment religious foster father forced into even shirt pushed car screaming me started demanding extra cash declined started making accusations like smoking apartment i never smoked still dont letting strangers ridiculous eventually called intercom called smartass told gun family refused pick phone later would claim never attempted contact them left town bounced around awhile met back one biological sisters moved condition got job week week later started realizing save enough started yelling needed get another job tried managing two job calendars without transportation hard second week came knife stating told boyfriend wanted stab i said slap her bf obsessed interpreting everything either us said extremely violent manslaughter happened family also minor lisp blamed on constantly misread every word people said violent terms eventually realized mistake tried make amends point angry life ended friends house girlfriend wanted threesome left circled back year later found evicted without notice friendlandlord wanted live father we yelling match that police called turned sour bounced around found homeless chicago police dhs homeless sweeps wealthier gentrifying neighborhoods partly due gentrification partly mayors plan get rid homeless campaign forced shelter us sign i homeless because cards filled out card torn lectured told get funding mental illness drugs alcohol checked redid card themselves knew forced shelterplus care program told feign sorts illnesses sent sistercenter heavily relied shelters referrals keep afloat whole deal called warehousesocial services pillmill specialized bum diplomas meaning get use medicaremedicaidgrant claims get ssdissi public benefits otherwise get threatened institutionalization the cycle police pick back cycle begins again left sisterprogram a mental health center abusive therapist called  made fake redflag threat police arrived see fuss since joking around friends came in sro landlord also testified always seemed fine like social service mental health care agencies treated me like piece meat used gain access grants etc eventually one agencies got shut able record director social services admitting illness claims grants scam let leave without incident threatened send social security administration eventually left according social workers given option leave get fired fled california great deal abused people hoping quite foolishly still happy hippy land cool bros many us remembered seeing tv movies stupid know thinking could chill there stroke my second eventually found cool little place beach problems started one roommates lost job three times row drunk work started screaming lyrics songs am back porch police called eventually started dragging homeless tweakers sleep floor back porch money dragging recycling cans hopes making rent one roommates started using heroine again dragging druggies friends eating personal groceries helping cash savings one night stress bad bit shattered one teeth decided going evict them went much smoother though yes yelling occurred police called people actually apologized first time life score  point california tried get tooth fixed current public insurance cover it switched one quick internet search went interview phone decided go regular check get referral dentist see whole hmo thing worked asking kind insurance plan got it ended back psychiatric office speaking another unqualified biased social worker interview went bad listen me refused help dentist issues even though theyre hmp dental program ties brought back feelings program chicago get feeling head three months later try calm taking hot shower slip fall i see white soap white tub wear glasses shower smacked head started seeing white flashes stars eventually pain reminded beaten school home started flashbacks called  asking help due psychiatric emergency which recorded video knew trust system point oversight biased laughing hanging said im psychiatric emergency happened three days sat pain vomiting myself moments consciosness roommates home periods awake eventually police came told taken unless suicidal wasnt prompted immediately state falsely accused suicidal before asked insurance card weird took station er  hours er whisked away mental hospital listened to quotedmined directly lied about told lack adls insight judgement treated inhumanely told sign voluntary status  days else would petition court keep there fear confusion broke crying reporting everything family told accused of told confession allowed prove via emails informaiton flaws report mentioned thinking abuse suffered home got roommates stated never realized gone tried reporting abuses state appointed outpatient therapist refused make eye contact me refused listen exploitation claims told foster care thing blame rather aggressive looked online afterwards found degree psyd specialized blaming foster care ptsd tried reporting abuses suffered time police er hmo hospital stuck protecting reputation members told video witnesses contradicting reports matter time period turned reddit sympathy everyone said lying exaggerating called aggressive delusional refused blame exploitation abuse got fed called ssa complain and make requests told lying later confirmed accurate told right something must wrong head told recently gotten hospital stupid head fine called police checkup me police said fine decided take one guts told to chained bench mental health officers started accusing superquick succession trying trip laughing me kept straight face corrected whole time kept laughing accusing totally unreal took break came back told definitely suicidal placed permanent care liar psychotic lying them said going sent away life said suffered illnesses never even accused of claimed record lies awestruck asked passing officer speak admin mental health officer interrupted said leave we leave another  minutes er said anything asked suicidal said no checked yes anyway finally mental hospital  hours later deny suicidal ideation psychiatrist signed out although rn demanded stay needed sure stats psychiatrist looked confused said free go way rn lectured questioning authorities forced outpatient care via mental health law california included talk therapy told make reports abuse learn cope recent abuse one point told see good abusers exploiters she used adolf hitler example recorded another therapist told complacent abuse happens admit everything anyone acuses appease abusers hope would leave alone left hmo complaints hmo hospitals police etc met doubt aggression took year one one them allow hippa enforced corrections record police dropped internals affairs case oig said went interested came back reddit lambasted called psychotic delusional etc tldr antiredflag part  so abused bullied exploited lied about victim blamed threatened etc completely damaged record feel suicidal never felt suicidal easy secret religious egotistical magical even special goals human history let explain goals always have goals always future even worst case scenario goals always important goals part defines you people accuse of look ive little rough patch babynonsense compared humans already gone through jungles deserts crossing deserts mountains wars genocide slavery even things like cannibalism braving certain death freezing cave humans lot durable lead believe combining knowledge humans survivors concept multiple sometimes changing goals define closest thing purposefulsoul combination history forward thinking powered knowledge even biggest pigheaded egotists change mind system would change one day many ways has days changing even faster like think quicker system messes up quicker realize errors till waiting game right spend time telling truth internet hopes people talk problems less abuse exploitation doubted try speaking logic epistemology reason critical thinking evidence hopes one day world better place people survive did im claiming world gold rainbows im absolutely claiming perfect still ptsd episodes i even one today told telling story bs im saying hang there wait things out pick hobbies maybe ill even see california one day plan marching golden gate bridge holding antiredflag prosocialchange signs handing fliers asking people hurt themselves help change world instead theres anyone needs change system effected witnessed dirty underbelly professionals politicians academics deny said  forgive accept forgiveness get change possible half life nurture overinternalize the crafty turn faults strengths were dust end never attribute malice attribute ignorance conditioning  years renewed we want things improve ironically hate change people taught epistemology must seek give back much give much if one change one grow unwillingness change chosen limitation thank god missed train met wife next one when elders say if could again listen at end day king pawn go back box the mature expect utopia expect learn time makes fools perfectionist watch makers peace  homeboy ego_by_proxy