throughout past years stuck rock bottom facing biggest depressive episodes ever deal with recently somehow overcame together started putting life back togetherthat nice good haunting question got years ago creeping back up point wish overly successful life gather achievements want happy happiness never lastsi see reason struggle adversities life nothing gain so fact effort involved probably would get farther away happinessi wish could enjoy world live normal life deep know simply meant be slowly pushing away everyone support network nothing want help myselfi tried everything suicide always ultimate answer afterall never wanted anyway tired pretending do guys cannot see way