everything feels fine fine enoughits first post reddit hopefully im right english native language ive struggled depression whole life irregular way im constantly switching feeling super fine feeling depressed suicidal long period time  months year so last depressive episode occured winter lot going life dropped classes lost boyfriend live dads toxic environment lot handle take it  months since ive started considering healed fine again im meds anymore im lot stuff seing lot friends travelling started working freelance artist living again city deeply love passionate again even crush someone seems interested am im super active getting stuff done everything can honestly first time good episode feels great im pretty optimistic positive general yet feel fine enough still constant suicidal thoughts im unhappy im happy either feels great feel like theres point reason wanting end all feel like  grateful  feel like good enough motivation keep going often find thinking accident matter mind ill glad act thoughts im rational actually logical reason so keep wondering ideas actually go away someday feel like im missing survival instinct somehow anybody relate feeling could share experience recovering depression go away content situation 