ive never felt way beforeive never really contemplated redflag happy long time going college well loving boyfriend knew wanted life graduated broke  years together know want myself feel like anything anymore was still is love life said loves love me needed time found talking another girl asked why said didnt want talk me says could still talk him yet completely ignore me ive struggling keep busy seems like everything great him hurts much  weeks ive feeling like complete piece shit feel stupid keep telling ill leave alone cant go   days without trying contact him cry sleep dreams everything good him wake cry again constantly thoughts ever thought would feel way never thought would something like me there lot story obviously want write out anniversary birthday day thats coming up want badly go impossible me moved across country thinking would help working money now planning getting incredibly drunk day calling him large possibility may then know heart hes one me want me want anyone else ive also fantasizing scrapping enough money together flying out going house front him want see hes done me broke me know im asking help know im writing this guess maybe listen me one else know gonna happen next weeks like plan ahead