hey guy been lurking on here for a while but finally here to make my first post trigger warning talk of suicidal ideation ironically enough it s anxiety that prevented me from ever posting but we re doing it now i never struggled with anxiety very badly before the pandemic i wa in my first year of college and life ha always been good to me but last year after i went back to school for my second year thing never felt quite the same i now realize it wa general anxiety but it wa kind of scary i wa always stressed sometimes i wouldn t be able to fall asleep at night for a few day in a row everything i did or didn t do felt like a huge deal then i had my first panic attack and severe anxiety attack in the early spring and i finally looked into what wa going on i talked about it with friend and family and that ha helped me get through it then this fall came i wa working 0 hour a week while being a full time math student on the side the anxiety wa worse than it had ever been the level of generalized anxiety wa heightened and the anxiety attack on the side would sometimes push me to suicidal ideation i reached out to on campus treatment and had an appointment scheduled but it got pushed back due to the building that the mental health wa in being closed for a water pipe breaking and the second date didn t work in my busy schedule so i cancelled it it s been a few month since then and my anxiety ha gotten better but still not in a good place i ve gotten really good at normalizing my anxiety telling myself everyone deal with this like i do but after coming home for spring break and talking to my sister and a hometown friend i realize that this is not normal a they both reminded me that there are resource for me that i should pursue i m finally scheduled for counseling next week and am really looking forward to hopefully getting a treatment plan to work through this all