another ruined holidaywhen growing up dad ruined every holiday ever fighting mom well is another ruined holiday time boyfriend ex boyfriend even fucking knows told pessimistic negative everything life honestly cant remember negative supposed say hes bitching parents borrowing money oh sucks im really sorry apparently wrong also telling im sorry sucks sessions show also wrong told unsupportive also said heard rumor said sleeping around behind back envr said understand heard that keep second guessing everything ive done past months keep flash backs good memories spent day laying around crying tried contact redflag hotline waited hold asked leave message social anxiety cant call back cant bring try want disappear want cease exist dont know ill kill myself took ap woke deep scratches arm scratched sleep ive cut well hope wake morning really never want wake again