ma couple weeks ago latest attempt end life years mental health stabilizing getting better every year year pandemic relapsing depression girlfriend breaking with new redflagful job led dark rabbit hole gotten control finally tried taking life again found parents hanging tree unconscious losing last bit oxygen taken hospital literally time got tested treated injuries held safety week life back normal buti want try againlast time note prepared do bought new rope stare rope tens minutes something else distracts mei want die badly know anymorei enough money insurance counseling medications know direction go towards also none friends serious enough people imit feels like pressure chest death get rid ofi sick typical it selfish people miss you arguments since obvious point give fuck that know bad think that really bad right nowi feel lost guys might actually try end life again failed attempt want try again