the title sum up my whole life perfectly i wa born to a loving caring family my father is my personal hero a real masculine role model who taught me pretty much everything i know my mother gave me all the love a child can ask for they were always supportive in all the good thing that i used to do but always very strict about the bad thing when i chose a career path they paid for a private school which i m so grateful for high school wa the best time of my life they supported me in sport i used to be an amateur middleweight boxer i love them both dearly that s why it hurt so much knowing that i m nothing but a disappointment a burden a leech to them i made the worst decision possible after i finished high school i got accepted into the best technical university in my country it is so embarrassing to think back about it now i actually thought it wa an achievement to study i m ashamed to even type this be free to laugh software engineering i can t explain how a person can do something so stupid i only recently found out that most programmer and software engineer with a master degree which only about of student finish make minimum wage if they are lucky i m from the czech republic central europe programming is a dying career here everything is getting outsourced to the east job are disappearing left and right moving to a different country is not an option since i don t know any foreign language except for english which i m really not good at a you can see and most position require you to know the language of that nation anyway if you want to work in poland you got to know polish etc it s soul crushing to think that all this hard work is worth nothing and even if i manage to finish my degree i m gon na be making the same salary a people with no education and skill whatsoever the minimum wage here in czechia is not enough to afford even a room apartment so i m either gon na live in my parent basement for the rest of my life or i m gon na end up homeless if they decide to kick me out and probably freeze to death when it get cold but then again i m the only one to blame here i should have been thinking more when choosing a career path it s too late to change my profession now firstly because of all the money that my parent invested into it i feel like cry writing that and secondly because i know deep down that i can only do this that i would be a complete failure trying anything else the moment reality of my situation hit me my life took a bad turn a you can imagine having those thought every day just ravage your mental health i can t sleep properly and there are sequence of day when i don t eat anything i m losing weight i would be a lightweight boxer by now but i stopped training anyway my grade got worse i get feeling of despair and misery every day i don t smile anymore i get no joy from anything all my friend are gone i m very lonely i m invisible to woman and i completely lost interest in pursuing relationship no woman is ever gon na date a homeless software engineer i can t remember the last time i had morning wood i m never going to have child my bloodline end with me sorry for the wall of text if you read it all the way here you have my thanks