everything nothingi know begin one could put life table like photoreel might make sense someone got here maybe even id see iit went wrong im depressed credible reason poverty divorce struggle loss etc depression pitiful result privilege laziness perhaps even intelligence time things going well creating music writing fucking reading sleeping exercising socializing etc dying inside everyday another part soul crumbles ash making things pull hole impossible accomplish want things want make money properly want find love loved ive spoiled easy sex beautiful women easy money seems flow faster squander trips shows alcohol blah artistic bullshitthreshold far acute allow create anything anymore things previously could pull depression longer me love dead remember feeling touching womans hand wanting forever even think feel anymore  crippling money family money past projects nothing funnel  week excursions europe end back home depression meant something something earth brain deserves put work heart deserves loved understand things cant seem anything it gets harder everyday everyone seems find easy wake up latch warm member opposite sex find shitty career get married annoying kids simply spoiledto deathand killing slowly nothing good enough anymore night put jeep th gear gunned  hollywood blvd going drive hit wall people crossed street stopped saw little girl holden caulfield moment may saved life realized cant bring kill myself exgirlfriends lives would shattered know want back i deserve it meaningful thing left life taking care poor girls probably depressed paralyzed inside parents would blame themselves brother probably even reason depressed looks greatly would crushed might even commit redflag himself theres way it get tears thinking collateral damage all theres justification living life like everyday goes nowhere thats left passively experience artmedia created people bang exgirlfriends could care less me maybe watch sports teams perform decided ever really feel like ending life going spend time snowboarding surfing friends first since know things cheer up also recognize escapism cant always me fine now spare hotlines plz its want figure thing out