i ve felt like this for a bit but never super realized until i looked into a depression a i ve thought more and more recently that i might have depression i ve just kind of been watching youtube and show recently not doing anything i like recently i haven t had any good motivation to get up and do stuff like playing video game even though i want to i just can t get myself to i ve been failing school i can t motivate myself to sit down and even do that which i really really need to do and i feel bad for it too since i haven t done really anything and my mom stuck her neck out to help me i ve just about always had good grade up until spring of last year i think i m always happy when out doing stuff around people basically but i m not always feeling that way i ve just kind of been feeling off and a bit sad i want to reach out to people but i don t have the courage to do so even if they re a relative or a close friend i don t want anyone feeling sad because i am and i m just kind of trying to keep people other than myself happy people have asked me sometimes if i m ok but i always respond with i m fine sometimes i know like at the beginning of conversation i sound a bit sad which is why people ask if i m ok but then i kind of just go to a normal somewhat happy tone i don t want to really say i m depressed cause i think it s just my own fault for being too lazy and i know recently especially i haven t been getting to sleep really at a time i should just cause i don t feel tired basically ever so i just stay awake and sometimes force myself to sleep i m not really ever cry which isn t very depression like which is guess is kind of why i ve just thought for awhile that i don t which i probably don t i m sure i m exaggerating but i don t really get to a point where i feel sleepy and then when i do go to sleep i sleep for hour and even if i do set alarm i wake up but i m just not motivated enough to actually get up so i usually just fall back asleep but i just haven t told anyone up until now especially not irl until now but even this ha taken some courage to admit even to myself but i probably didn t say everything a im just kind of piecing stuff together in no specific order or anything and just ramblind on but i m sorry this ha been long thank you for reading and have a nice day or night i did forget to mention some stuff i don t really have suicidal thought i mean i ve thought of suicide but never actually thought about doing it and i have been thinking about talking to a friend that i believe ha had depression in the past but i don t know if they still do so i don t really want to put that weight on their shoulder a well and also i haven t been eating a much probably not because of depression if i even have it which i m sure i don t at this point and also my hygiene i haven t been taking care of my hygiene the best i kind of stopped brushing my teeth for awhile i hate to admit it but my teeth are pretty yellowed and i haven t really been taking care of thing such a acne a well