planning unexpected breaki lot redflag contemplation recently came way escape system loop everyday life  weeks parents go weekends often weeks preparing moment loneliness head  miles around  bottles water lot food disused quarrywith tent stay  weeks day go walking running working writing latest book this im sureits definitely going happen maybe ill go  weeks school break july either way im going staying ill leave note know committed redflag murdered something reason this gets away suffering modern society endless loop misery brings natural world away modern horrors something seek even short amount time post go explain went