hello whoevers reading this little something mehi noah  years old live place outside city called manchester northwest england hobbies sit bedroom day bored wondering life even worth living anymore live dull depressing live small box house shit weather nearly year round particularly clean people seem smile faces all parents clueless understand feel gain courage come emotions old activities used longer interest me gaming photography going watch football team called manchester city play going walks sometimes drink cut relive pain everything seems black white everyone elses life seems much better mine everyone seems hobbies success wealth loving understanding parents  family rare occasions bad moodmy girlfriend farrah helped depressive episodesjust little her  years old lives us tennessee huge house large loving supportive family family full success hobbies like basketball softball sociable understanding going best high school state lucky live life think takes granted precious beautiful perfect me reason still alive today sometimes possibly due depression instant just turn off even little triggers random sometimes feel emotions sometimes hurt due living perfect  ideal lifestyle already car time  guess puts perspective amazing life is live completely different areas opposites personality sometimes think understand like me cut myself hurts her drink hurts her talk emotions says hurt deep feel does want one ruining mood life absolutely perfect me want spoil her really need help cannot stop worrying possibly affecting her need find ways stop making shit boring need help see living longer kinds emotions affecting me need way find colour lifethank reading made far sorry make sense sounded rushed wanted get someone listen to thank you everything boring dull meaningless