please read thishey everyone im guy early  seriously considering killing myself long time friends moving life relationships becoming established  unsuccessful long term relationship multiple hookups im fucking tired hookups know someone emotionally dull constantly it every week monotonous shit working  days week  day usually spent alone sometimes jobs blend wind working  days straight spent alone coworkers connect better time off substitute teach frequently go drink stay late weeknights we work restaurant interaction girls outside work either relationships want fuck around tired getting nowhere personal life career but mostly personal life drink much anymore becoming problem smoke  cigarettes day cut cant stop want fucking kill every time wake up ill often wake crying wishing face day matter hard work certifications degrees get jokes make ive told everyone thinks im hilarious personable hahahaha plans make go bed every night alone wake plans single textcall throughout day asking spend time or someone know call spend time with worst part everyone socialize cheers enter room even nickname me laugh everything say hangout together constantly never get invited unless basically force it im seeing psychiatrist therapist im lamictal mood swing possible bi polar disorder things better still feel empty every fucking day im going drive gun expo next month walk firearm im going drain account go road trip favorite hobby traveling im going go everywhere united states ever wanted go comes time come back im gna blow fucking head off