cant force care anymoresorry make sense memories last months little broken cant really piece together well little  months ago broke long term highschool girlfriend search fulfilling life got together want smoking weed anymore stopped pothead sort made little sad decided worth it naturally broke up started smoking again else highschool senior doing smoked every single day  months trying sorts new drugs along way cigarettes alcohol opiates shrooms lsd mdma cocaine sorts fun stuff thought would give new perspective life left shell person used be graduated high school  months broke her thats drug use really took off chose attend college  miles away hometown effort start anew different person now alone live huge city money im verge failing important classes nothing left want anymore want anyone want nothing wonder else could been hurts cries help lonely nights account overdrawal emails antidepressants never worked contributed person today ive tried blame people creating monster am person blame me im dr frankenstein tried kill myself thought best seek therapist maybe antidepressant medication therapy jack shit thing thank medication nonexistent sex drive life fucking bland christ fucking killing me