thoughts feelings every day wall detailed text inbound hey guys going long one going read way end might want get comfy would first like disclose immediate distress sort making plans snuff anytime soon least yet ive lurking subreddit little now ive got say actually refreshing see people getting helpful answers comfort rather typical know feel classic help there even better people spam redflag hotlines number everywhere look im knocking redflag hotline anything like that helps someone immediate crisis power them knocking friends really know better help distressed state like that personally redflag hotline never effective parrot back things im telling add im sorry must tough everything say offense mirror effective people need someone listen thats okay im need well bit point ive seen others getting things chest guess thats im right now things ive seen people post similar thoughts others not one similar things intent taking immediate action quite people basically accepted likely going die redflag one people already method mind one messy mostly painless make easy clean authorities find body likely thing eventually get sick given familys medical history father brain cancer got treatment got witness slow decline new wife leaving she one destroyed relationship first place nursing home possibly dementia one thins lot cancer survivors talk toll takes loved ones medical costs constant treatments doctor visits spite strong person withering away shell former self ive already decided something similar happens me start putting plan motion loved ones assuming even still alive taken care of going way nah takes courage however something conflicted by long mother father alive cant put that circumstances went far en extreme would ever even consider that slowly developed toxic trait wish harm loved ones find wishing would go freak accident would pass away sleep something effect longer world could finally give permission take life thoughts feelings like make feel like real piece shit course past couple years distanced away acquaintances even closest friends hoping think little bit less and less day way reason end taking life hurt badly forget wrote it said person dies once first time physical body twice name spoken aloud last time last fleeting thought crosses someones mind last time know mean well friends is things say annoys hell me professional help there situation wouldve gotten long time ago thats things though took long time realize this want help already takes much motivation te bare minimum get by im going go someone ive never met develop trusting relationship break barriers put brick brick tell entire uncensored life story theyre going tell slowly start working things like thought process give pills keep among things work next  years life away pray major catastrophe happen mean time die yay besides really much go far religious beliefs afterlife feel like magic words pills could put would magically make believe santa clause god change views world matter know probably thinking that point seen way certain situations play out way sociological constructs work cant really unsee it past ive told people things run mind daily basis im told need grow thats life quite frankly never asked begin with thinking way im ungrateful selfish immature person fuck that no whats selfish people claim would miss shit like that go says months time without talking eachother staying here thoughts feelings suffering worth minutes interaction eachother interactions even give second thought go sleep night im selfish one right ive come realize humans one shittiest things happen earth know good ones there humansare cutthroat species ever exist one going friend unless something gain use you nice something people edge bets society taught way theyre suppose act behind closed doors kind remarks love hospitality vanishes cant okay find comfort fact way society is future ahead me one riddled bullshit always struggling make ends meet im tired trying giving all pushing feelings thoughts putting happy face draining always struggling make ends meet im tired best never enough started new job month half ago keep saying iwas great im good everything do hire new person thats fill pick extra shifts okay thought lets see goes im pretty sure know going lets see low behold sudden getting shifts would normally get later find lot experience already front desk agent hotel im basically getting two days night audit lady off rest basically played ear helping house keepers shit like that matter put little euphemisms such busy work sure might lending hand makes jobs little easier helps cut time take clean rooms im part time guy now matter job im doing try try again amazing work ethic always time im great customers im professional time personal engaging guess understand always second choice know happy even job right now swift kick balls finally found something like doing im always pushed aside people makes feel like failure cant even thought adequate basic level jobs like front desk agent holiday inn express making  hour half decent job always picks people me trying best applying never good enough places decide give chance take in point highlight day getting work watching bit youtube take ungodly amount counter sleep aids pass out theres something love much warm fuzzy feeling get kick in fighting bit enjoy finally kick in really wish could give life someone would actually use it someone would actually enjoy it way intend going out maybe call authorities right it get time organs able donated need them way death could give someone new lease life hell ever robbery something someone tried mug id everything power get killed ive even thought something horrible ended dying result loved ones miss much even bring that putting weight moms shoulders especially would bury child mother guy decided shootout police gun full blanks redflag cop also messy even though job would go home sit dinner table remember shot guy earlier today one deserves live weight shoulders stupid decisions want go sleep wake up slowly forgotten everyone elses lives go normal maybe even better perhaps someone scientific mindset imagine death like going sleep never wake again believe afterlife reincarnation heaven hell anything effect think trying imagine anything death would like trying remember birth time spent womb speaking biological son barely knows existence tried there mother see good father man god fine dandy though since found someone ended two kids married him signed rights full custody best regardless bringing churchgoing godfearing christian didnt loving siblings something wanted did stable family father figure couldve actually taught things things could never do lot friends think want know older strongly disagree honestly thats best disrupt natural order things make suggestions get told tell raise child made right decision seeing watch grow sidelines place polar opposite person spiritual beliefs hanging around hes happy thats whats import me hes happy without me take chance confusing fucking things up theres much could type make damn bit difference im ready end time im terrified it reasons know best guess would death permanent thing cant comprehend existing like explaining earlier really like reason fear it since going happen us eventually embrace it made far wall text would like thank patience so another day life suicidal nutcase someone take comfort knowing alone way feeling thinking maybe afraid say aloud type out know word right way even anonymity bunch strangers reddit applies you best say take one day time think many ahead end eventually