 south east asia rn im sitting phone hand typing out got college know deserved it know ill successful ill fail feel way told feel feel suicidal ive life u may look say be happy childhood ive known nothing physical abuse stopped cause parents cant actually hurt i mean im  beat shit them ever since  grade abuse lifted ive less violent memories feel like shit time worthless hidden scared feel like one single leaf bouquet beautiful flowers im bi anyone know id tortured raped arrested police would help torture me may say free speech lets say im convinced hunt people like me know walking road do maybe ill skip end road one childhood friend like me zero friends general mother believe mental health thing cant tell get bed cant tell im angry waking up life expectancy farther  years old im stuck shit hole bad bad feel like crying time ive become devoid emotions cant even cry want to feel like im going insane mom dad fight every day day make angry makes want repay physical abuse did makes want hurt them shut up one thing loves unconditionally thats pet bird remember last time mother father hugged said i love you unconditionally remember last time one did really hurts much seeing posts saying i got girlfriendboyfriend she said yes hate imperfect born world cant love boy girl cant girlfriend boyfriend theyll kill me id one bastard sinner right moment im  im buying fire arm blowing brains away mom know meanings hateful words said me father dead naturally hes old brother well hell love mother share us ive searched god ive seen nothing witnessed love beauty however books calls people like sinners devils wants people like dead detest god life gave me detest everything am hurts stay alive pointless now call whatever want matter me