slow deathjacob drank rest bottle emptied much life could this wished better wasnt tried best alleviate suffering distraction work birthday week hed  years old life would meaningless time spent alive wasted literally figuratively wanted meds work didnt pain still there suicidal thoughts overrode him erased little left alcohol made honest least done unforgivable deserved suffer deserved pain least could make right could control suffering suffered  years enough could sweet release redflag save him deserve die well afraid death subconscious decided kill instead eating slow painful one day free one day suffering end one day dead