world beautiful dayim senior high school right now dealing major depressive disorder possibly bipolar since th grade with symptoms since birth caused sabotage destroy every single relationship shred happiness life ever known frequent suicidal thoughts occasional attempts battle drug addiction secret abusive parents came abusive person abused friends girlfriends myself life pretty regular th grade something kind missing which assume normal depression hit everything juste empty friends make happy things used love like film comics boring im majoring music next year conservatory yet music even intrigue anymore like everything became pointless feeling many probably familiar with unfortunately happened fell love intimate connection whenever life became meaningful while started date like every time abused emotionally forced away two months dating year extremely close relationship broke me every second every day im plagued know her evil drove away arms someone else one closest friend reconnecting soon break up were point says loves strong feelings still also feelings him wonders depression sarcastic literal course made feel lowest lows least felt made and makes me happier anyone else ever has ive seen two extremes life feel like now lived gained new perspective saw stars clouds trees totally new light deepest sorrows yet found beauty everything music amazing again days now nothing really changedbut feel like im reverting back past years im losing appreciation world know do love her changed months self loathing accepted good person regardless terrible things many people trusted protect harm truly changed person experienced life im terrified lose it im terrified lose her accepted regardless feelings other theres way were getting back together fuck rambling even coherent fuck saying this fucking ruined it deserve this fuck right hes house street supposed come leaves fuck long fuck know hope gain posting this im fucking bitchy fuck cant end it relies me want one thing it fucking ruined it think tears cried fucking apathetic it fucking change late fuck even alive people meant here convince let it know parents care friends deal it other hate anyway im fucking worthless im evil post make fucking sense want one thing ill anything everything one thing fucking late happy anymore rest life im damned remember pain caused im living right now damned remember mistake made never take back never fucking redeem get let fucking it