want explain fucking terrible feel young y female generally mental health struggles since childhood due diagnosed treated severe clinical depression lots trauma variety areas made friends lacking support systems many misdiagnoses variety adults failed getting dream career joining military  know stupid thing sad plans could afford college own starved developed eating disorder still miss  inches per standardsi managed recover that somehow managed sit pandemic kind caring even felt like last bit kindness left gotten apartment spent entire year change quarantine yet angry exhausted hurt literally could end think would mind seen people care about feels almost like final time given quiet goodbye hope figure out ready go ready stop peace once ready want die typing unsure anyone care plans matter enough keep here think maybe hurt parents best friend lost important people demon before tired fighting everyday gets stronger hands shake every morning cry wishing would end laying sword down giving up everything bleeding bones broken alone want fight anymore place before real reason keep going time