suicidal christmasso spent christmas bed wishing dead nothing new ive suicidal since childhood lot time wish would done child avoid pain suffering told family sick didnt want affect anyone im sure know didnt want come prepared gifts wrapped decided stay home smoke weed know made choice wtf like normal person would this part happy it wonder people dont like me im miserable around hate everyone everything friends crap job on totally get people like well change well  years change today supposed day go find building tall enough would die relief