want live my birthday week always thought would feeling better then ive really trying past years especially past  months know point im going achieve want to im unhappy it im proud things accomplished life bit disappointed time lost trying get better ive already admitted hospital want go back know im  know people think waste life believe ill good it ive lost lot friends ive hurting best friend feel like ive emotionally manipulative needs stop im content knowing could want hurt anymore ive trying delay smoking weed heavily getting bit unbearable relief knowing end soon