really want get out maybe please hopefully someone words might able help all really really sorry long need get outim  year old indian man grown quite traditional household uk means mental health always taboo subject never brought issues parents think level might know experienced issues capacity given done lot reading subject done charity work mental health charities etc part wonders upbringing makes obvious believe true problem sorted hugso went good school excellent university great grades show great social skills front whenever need to good job took two years moved japan moved back month ago living parents first time  yearssomething wrong feel mentally fragile time nothing gets mental strength run rolling  day cycle feeling ok heavy useless again backstory grew friends situation actually remember recently realised sdam inability remember anything recent years always saw positive whatever was past beyond that  university always felt completely mentally strong myself time found infidelity father person felt close time excluding brother person id ever call anything went wrong fortunately trust issues compensated finding first love time moved america compensated drinking excessively entire year pretty much joining frat drinking troubles away year without talking family all year concluded breaking girlfriend time due lies infidelity side back uk finish studies started work years initial getting trust ex  years probably strongest life felt confident trust issues or thought regained relationship family friends great job great house good circle friends great round timethen went japan again first  months life exciting new city new culture incredible new career learning much myself found love nd time happened covid quarantine went  incredible comfortable  months life someone people say connect way never experienced time finding truly someone feel relationship reciprocated rare me excited slowly next year half turned steady comfortable relationship different people somehow worked think slowed much needed way although good times previously mentally strong highfunctioning probably needed someone lived bringing back healthier version strong mindhowever halftruths lies past side next  months sort put damper it made continually question relationship thing time round although condoning it actually see logic lies clearest mind see still confident future together malicious intent long story short year since constant rumination mental battles issues again mainly trust whenever get stuck thinking it takes weeks even months get regresses back worst depressive states although know true because think it rather actual issues relationship think underlying issues previous trust broken father first love put position although want to cannot let go past new relationship struggle trust again screws whole mindthese ruminations kept bay japan still surrounded loving relationship meditation yoga surfing keep mind clear possible although often getting stuck found getting much quicker way really however almost limit longevity relationship mind limit much hurt caused become unfunctional human back uk month stuck beyond belief feel like thought loops get stuck head find going thing conversations brain trying apply logic get it mentally weigh beyond belief continually ruin daytoday life cannot bring things helped yoga meditation everything gets stuck way cannot live know back parents home long relationship lack trust lack job culture shock them think idle mind devils plaything seems playing relationship view ruining mindnow every interaction leads state mental instability today parents came back day told bought new bedsheets gift prospect anything new  surprise  ordinary breaks me walk away saying want it half angry trying hold back tears crumbing mentallythen get angry acting like dick face kind gesture people love mei know do nothing feels like helps want anything stay bed day torn putting brave face parents see me want get back healthy self point life know itif anyone read maybe provide help something do something focus on anyone something similar even someone talk to would really appreciativei really sorry long post know continue life