needed talk thisim second semester college right things exactly going way barely made pretty depressing first semester im stem major enrolled rotc last semester dream longest time go space one day id settle pilot too anyway first semester depressed shift difficulty academics incredibly jarring me trouble making friends made think something wrong me failing math class rotc inherently stressful felt alone ashamed shitty lot time barely passed math class made lot friends second semester rolls around things starting look up finally feel comfortable rotc get  first chem exam still things im sad about ill talk later anyway im feeling generally happy semester far get  first math exam dug hole again thats okay though ill better next one final academic performance starts slipping across board im trouble math class fast forward month so im told medically qualify rotc adhd medication  years ago devastating me finally feeling comfortable finally made friends thought adhd going obstacle anymore never identified certain group felt like part something worth part before dangled front face ripped away felt horrible okay though end world im still eligible apply officer training school graduate two days later meet cadre review case tell certain skin condition medically qualify military service means cant pilot went back dorm first time life seriously considered redflag felt like nightmare like presented puzzle solve wanted hurt someone myself anything though really know do week later take second math exam semester week that find failed ill drop class studied really hard thought got least  incredibly frustrating go high school never studied anything almost never got  test quiz good math science academics general college actually study quizzes exams almost never get  even frustrating friends people floor talk got bs exams took im running ways convince im fucking moron feel like fraud ways one ive also never girlfriend thats always reason feel like waste skin ive never experienced mutual romantic love friends yeah need me ive always problem comparing people thats ive recently start feel awful im alone thoughts long feel like nothing proud anymore sorry making really long ive never talked stuff anyone friends family good comforting im pretty sure nobody knows im unhappy im afraid change that need talk someone