ready go right placeim sat end plan front me healthcare professionals told foolproof could gone two hours thing stopping im currently staying parents unfair ones find me could gone within two hours want anymore childhood trauma fucked up raped kid fucked chances healthy relationship eventually people get sick able fake smile realise matter happy might able make me never lasts ill back rut cant get bed shower drink water eat drugs used help escape im wanting temporary escape want out last time attempted didnt succeed much better place back then wish could fortunate keep experiencing trauma cant fixed anymore multiple therapists give cant help antidepressants havent ever worked ive fluoxetine sertraline mirtazapine citalopram venlafaxine nada help stuck docs dosage schedules ive doses raised ive tried different types specialist therapies nothing works nothing stop shit im going possible change pain intolerable flashbacks intolerable dissociate much im missing things important keep getting told things get better without fail life gets harder harder cope with dont think im going see end year through guess  year old right wasnt going live past age  all