seem pointi ruined relationship girl dreams dated lived together three years small little family unit adorable little cat imagined growing old children depression thought help her strong ignored depression tried force thought best really needed help terrified vulnerable tough approach towards others opposite effect turned monster became terrifying her spent year broke hopeful would get back together still numb still ignoring issues know do took affection granted something changed got rid distractions able see become i go felt like years suddenly bore full brunt guilt shame hurting girl realized loved ever confessed her suggested take time love first trying make codependent relationship work again agreed went contact fool abandonment issues hurt more started dating someone new suppose hurt last time month since then stopped eating first want feed horrible person hurt vulnerable person went fluoxetine went therapy im trying take care now new breakups heartbreak understand time heals wounds understand abusive childhood created issues still need deal also lot pressure issues sides far complicated explain times happy now see happy new boyfriend still seem exist instrument happiness cant contact her live know humans supposed love themselves know loved myself could avoided hurting her know ill likely meet someone new able occupy heart similar way focusing healing hurt another person like again every day painful getting point exist future pieces seems hopeless heart hurt long ive never prior physical pain come close matching feels theres much life normal person would want live memories want die want die it i ill keep living guilt shame loneliness ennui become completely different person now find wanting die day long every day wish something would kill me im nihilist something worth living for gone cant seem find something valuable anything excites me gives reason keep living fear continues one day ill become numb ill casually myself worse continue starving develop illness slowly die it want something live for find around reasons die think anyone read this upsetting know even someone does able understand everything wrote im tired living needed put something there im tired suffering alone