im scared come  years im supposed university like think everything sorted mere thought actually becoming responsible member society makes anxious am good enough something ask every day without finding answer try making answer try to simply get distracted keep failing come terms fact maybe im best could be maybe ill never since place mental state live in constant fear living expectations dissapointing parents two younger siblings look since im oldest ever competing family see who best way want live im tired many times ive suicidal thoughts simply push aside since matter do need keep going forward even feel like crying no cry help trying accept reality push forward again like many times before  years im supposed university know life