lamentations wasterthis life whatever make it know need change want results pain loneliness losing every friend family relation drug habit took life privileged complete waste price pay although im fucking miserable cant recover soon get money im high cant enjoy world sober everything try never stick heart nothing do see snakes eyes staring mirror want drift off place world sensitive overthinking junkie connect anyone selfhate locks prison atrocities commit myself never resting incessant thoughts life passing by lost dark hell made inside skull drugs turn everything dead hate selfishness suffering helped one ive tried ultimately im lost empty ive ever been want finally die am trying hard enough wait pain revelation god waiting savior cant anything beyond exist point mindnumbing insanity live ive cut world  dad lives me leaves alone im erratic violent sometimes hate everything ive done ive become life bleak really know do i happened upon emergency stash good enough now suicidal thoughts hold life bearable know thinking posting here advice might get would along lines get help stay sober gets better could suboxone dad want pay anything treatment ive rehab three times one year