think finally timeive dealt way much past months hopes anything getting better means balls sick surviving everyday waiting next following sort pattern feel stuck life cant move forward all ex boyfriend almost two years wants nothing me im acting recklessly doesnt even make feel thing feel numb alone dont feel like anyone truly understands thing stopping whether abuser go court im dead dont care hes taken everything enjoy life anyways difference make im suffering either way cant this want someone know tried hardest could ultimately failed im sorry given up