im fucking lonely want diesorry huge wall text needed get chest im  almost  severe social anxiety disorder depression body dysmorphia past  years ive going various residential treatment centers my familys fairly wealthy afford sorry seems pretentious want understand situation better right really social life bunch friends made treatment centers live across country life barely talked girls anxious therapeutic boarding school went year ago stupid dance allboys school another therapeutic school thats allgirls horribly anxious stood alone close friends almost entire dance then attractive girl walked asked dance surprised anxious initially said no friend made go ask dance danced talked amazing probably best experience life believe actually happening song finished wanted talk tolerate anxiety said no end dance even went said goodbye realized fuck ive missing entire life thought disgusting hopeless id always single brought mind possibility be saw pictures dance absolutely destroyed me thought holy shit im ugly thought could girl possible wanted dance me kind body dysmorphia ramped full gear anyway fastfoward present im back home im going outpatient treatment center social life desperately want feel connection girl like dance even actual inperson friends cant live like longer im also scared kill self access carbon monoxide gun anyway think anyone understands bad ive gotten im good talking girls people seem like lot improved treatment really despite fancy treatment centers  years im  super skinny average average face got really gym year got sort decent shape stopped going regularly anxiety depression