im trying things feel really dark right nowim going go much detailfirst time posting bit lurker looking back years ago always life family party joking things comedic sarcastic responses everything generally happy person went breakup lockdown happened got new job found new girl lost her suicidial sister feel like everything suddenly hit short period time divorce papers split new girl sister still suicidal feeling worthless new job dont find release anything ive developed alcohol dependency allow feel constantly thought head  i keep hurting people cant help want to hurt people one last time cant again know need help fhere lot demons head dont want talk someone cant express im sober want go therapist drunk assume alcohol do im fine line away giving up ps theres backstory ive disclosed want entire life there