feel deserve live anymoreive done something awful cant deal it wrote letter institution doctor saw realize misguided wrong karen move completely understand situation doctor definitely negative reaction it bad place wrote listened wrong people think deserve live really feel im awful person general keep making mistakes ive hurt people ive let money destroy relationships im going hurt people feel coming back things ive done want better try guilt shame eating alive making everyday struggle want worry everyone life cant tell therapist asks im committed killing myself feel cant even talk suicidal thoughts getting day consists trying work job day im worried guilt shame make cant work anymore night talk friends try watch mindless television drink wine know terrible things come one day know move forward