want stop scaredi want die want die bad want end all want hang myself overdose something maybe gas asphyxiation want quickly with want fall unconscious wake up fucking amazing brain ive endowed likes fun make thought committing act terrifying im scared death im scared dying im scared dead im scared making dead terror instinctual deeprooted illogical want die bad im done get closer every day started making plan moved every day getting bit closer closer executing plan plan ever attempting failing this hopefully inevitably work willpower do want work places go found done methods mind plans action put consideration ive done lot planning lot thought need willpower need fear go away maybe chug ample liquor around ive always good kid never drank done drugs im sure ill able get good buzzed pretty quickly sounds easy sounds fun finally fucking done expending effort takes exist