cannot even that scared pain afraid weak regret ever letting get age always hoped would dead  here loneliness carving away parts hoped already gone alone disgusting worthless trans depressed special hell whole world sees circus clown best likely dangerous perverted freakish disgusting abberant abomination agree assertion everyone hates me hate me find strength anything improve circumstances make irrelevant rotting corpse dead alive disgusting worthless dead pay food want fight anymore every day gets harder harder matter hard try want dead