mind talking everything bad literally everything even relationship gfevery slight bit work perfect boom mind head try make feel bad everything completely worthless moment hope nothingin last weeks got far even feelings overwhelmed turned sides gf busy felt ignored even something dowhile work do sit here knowing end relationship regret losing team position game server highest achievement almost  years know useless canceled study means future work distanced almost friendsall head mind hates wants see suffer alonei sitting things never done like trying cut arms blades scissor hittingpunching head hope goes awayif something would wrong anesthesia last week would finally sleep peaceampxbits first time really doubt survive till next therapy meeting without serious harm mind killing