died need tell storythis life long sad story one must tell someone born middle kid middle class family parents were first abusers dad alcoholic beat brother nights good listen music mom much better abuse dad abuse emotionally financially bad other around third grade diagnosed autism testing traumatic first experience gender dysphoria waiting room vhs worked alice wonderland wanted alice could handle new world handle mine parent filled pills till high school pill made slow fat easier dope parent lead getting  lbs develop boob im guy ive spent whole adult life trying get fit this one biggest failures  raped friends got drunk payed girl sex me happen party ive told therapist still cant talk about theres proof left too one one would believe me collage failure to know bpd depression still talk rape let build inside me met ex great first became emotionallyverbally sexually abusive hide friends family spend next three years deep denial come phone sex cam girl addiction itd year cant stop ive spend  theres coming back this im stuck dead end job life forfeit theres coming back this