started struggle completing routine tasks especially deadlines somedays want work set schedule though always fail following it time management something become incapable of extremely depressed even suicidal thoughts time management never issue extremely satisfied january thought fought depression  time seems fly away know goes keeps running away going faster faster sometimes struggle get bed staring feed phone even feeling content day another aspect noticed chasing excitement thrill without life seems completely boring cannot even seem get bed get excited whenever buy something even completely useless btw remembered need take money book ordered eat lot want eat time keep wasting ordering food food problem getting hand already strict definitions body type rooted brain spent  minutes food delivery app trying order something even though hungry kept searching baskin robbins even though knew closed keep opening fridge even though know nothing inside somedays lose ambition completely usually long term goals always keep failing at extremely unlucky something me even smallest tasks attempt become increasingly difficult array problems pop nowhere today get bed  hours straight writing rant probably one going bother reading nothing better life cannot even find new music good thought would get excited go day friends people would text meet grown distant too meet anyone text couple people off none real friends anyways make journey bearable sometimeps diagnosed depression unofficially local clinical psychologist last year covid spread way content lockdown even life began get normalized it everything currently normal country effect lockdown never felt like before could depression one forms