know live sober throw away account going written like slop would like apologize first that abusing drugs alcohol since   feel like cannot deal life sober state started using heroin two years ago bi polar young lady needed put manic mind rest amazing although using lot less due resent overdose substituted alcohol pills again matter always self harming myself whether drugs cutting starving always need harm body cannot cope taking advice reading here past  months keep telling kill today ill wait till tomorrow weekend see feel im end cant keep going tried get help many times clinics hospitals never seem help resent doctor drop health insurance dropped me stop taking meds last summer due well poor student medical bills overdoses attempts even process mother kicked recently bare watch anymore cant even talk really fathers passing anyway even want die feel to cant live like anymore thank reading