unrelenting cant anymoreive thought redflag daily  years now grindingly poor future im worthless never get decent job partner seem even like anymore let alone love me dog even seem like much hate major stupid college remeber last time enjoyed anything remember last time want kill myself im going parents holidays think ill take dads sawedoff put mouth last time there like physical compulsion barely resisted self harm clean four years back worse ever one knows it legs slashed pieces ive medicated ive therapy medication help lie therapists trust them trust anyone thought checking hospital acute crises center getting help cant afford it cant afford kill myself worthless