lot thought past year matter hard try cant find reason want keep livingim yo guy put still diagnosed think pretty clear depression social anxiety  years now started cutting around everything started couple days ago even something happens barely get sad get angry hate everything around even more almost every day think killing want live world anymore think fucked getting books movies games feel completely empty excitement life feel like itd help immensely could manage get girlfriend something ive started talking not really girl seems like likes physically cant believe matter hard try somebody actually likes me think friends friends pity even disgust looking mirror could friends say im attractive possibly telling truth ive already tried experimenting ibuprofen  mg knew anything wanted see could feel anything kinda want help ive mostly lost faith somewhere inside feel like normal break free depression fuck me point im almost crying nothing happening cant cry able cry months now god kidding want fucking die even though hate every bit want fix everything want good school again make friends again leave house every awhile all girlfriend want nearly kill forced accept help find myself ive thought trying hang cut rope ive thought cutting deep nearly die anything else close downing whole bottle pills want help none matters even get help ill fall back depression nobody love point im sorry wasting anybodys time wont fucking save myself im going slowly go deeper deeper im point return really sorry wasting time edit thinking girl briefly mentioned somewhere middle makes want cry really really like like said think actually feels anything me cant make move im fucking awkward stupid know friday and winter break starts passes done anything ill lost chance completely even less reasons live know wrote either stupid