cancel culture loss friends loved onesin august last year lost nearly friends woman never slept telling people privately raped her six months new band started become bit successful six month mark person scene wrote facebook post calling serial rapist liked hundreds people shared expartners mine commented saying glad someone standing right others shared said never liked guy one involved asked going on took truth year now havent known respond dont side story panic disorder barely think subject without feeling like im heart attack stopped going restaurants bars grocery store everyone stopped talking me save handful good people luckily partner keep company help get it two months ago partner broke tears shopping mom furniture new home said never going get better referring life cancelled losing friends wasnt well mentally depressed beyond belief friends stayed beginning leave too seen rape apologists apparently worn her told difficult together accusations wasnt told conversation recently partner engaged new home still completely set coming along nicely things looking us when one morning got small fight something seemingly trivial left wasnt expecting dont blame her dont think anything wrong left got job  miles away pays quite well since shes opportunity live work fianc broke good day called job told wouldnt next day seemed understanding fired days later dont income made great deal plans future together  days since fianc left me havent speaking her dont know say days running one another stare window stare ceiling fan ive lost interest things attempted kill once  ive struggled suicidal ideation since kid new me know may another low swing became worse best friend mine hung  im  now managed three years without going sort plans still struggled with feel mean is isnt new me ready knowing close happening parents moment refuse go back home fianc cant stand see it loaded pistol dresser drawer here dont get internet much stumbled upon subreddit googling circumstances cant pursue music anymore film even people play video games abandoned me im afraid go anywhere may see people think im terrible human being cant text old friends ask theyre doing think im monster probably dont feel like human anymore feel completely discarded society think going kill soon hope attention seeking behavior hope real want die want stop dont want pussy constantly feel necessary way want it dont know else anymore nothing going get better wait get house tomorrow morning right time dogs sound hurt ears woods behind house walk deep into far enough hurt ears love dogs anything dont know do theyre better friends people seems needed write story it dont want leave note friends family dont know people okay dont know people dont know me sad really hope okay well please kind people life please reach people tell everything okay please try tell anything all im sorry