feel broken know take anymoreive one failed attempt  months ago parents even know it felt like years gotten close unbearable past weeks ive always two best friends reason this lately theyve even getting annoyed bullshit im ftm transgender person dysphoria completely destroying past couple months especially seeing family lot holidays feel like im trapped able escape running air want able take deep breath first time life thought able one day transition live normal life something thats always gotten tough times lately thought worth getting days absorbed suffocating feeling similar topic im called preferred name pronouns school extremely transphobichomophobic parents know anything trans however art teacher called came trying me beginning end way seeing caused spiral fit feeling though purpose worth human being people would think situation lasted week month greatly affected even today every time phone rings panic thought could call outs me really want say fuck jonathan schnieder know sounds like teenage drama is things friend said made upset ever wouldve imagined longs story short crush one friends school got talking crushes class told liked him never answered me waiting say anything talking best friend random things conversation ended telling lot time im too much although like told people think things me still negatively affected thought wouldve even care things said much thought even want friend even though weve really close since nd grade know im nothing annoying people thought mad absolutely destroys me know sounds completely obsolete today really shitty went home tried listen music favorite bands always able start digging mood today sound became annoying nothing else giving idea listening music tried watch favorite musical dear evan hansen fitting right even seemed fruitless pointless overall theres nothing think would get state depression im sorry post made seem like im dramatic needed place vent actually read this thank even caring enough that