my parent recorded a great deal of my early childhood so there is a lot of footage of me when i wa very young i used to be the most innocent and carefree little boy who never even once thought about what others thought about him or the way he looked i never cared about being lonely it wa just me with me and my mom and dad and i wa the happiest kid in the world the smallest thing made me smile year later i am now miserable and wishing i wa dead i barely even speak to my parent anymore and i push away and resent everybody around me my parent are heartbroken by the fact that i don t speak to anyone i m horrified by how shit my life ha become and how terrible of a person i am now due to my own mental health deteriorating beyond control i had so many friend a year ago but all i do is push people away and be a burden seeing what i used to be and comparing it to what i am now make me want to cry every time i see a little kid being happy and innocent i wish so badly that i never grew up and i could have remained a happy little boy forever