well im making final plans im going get haircut wear best clothing step away lifei actually decided end life two years ago  months death beloved wife living relatives lifelong struggle bipolar disorder substance abuse issues left pretty much alone earth wife yin yang  enjoyed six short years bliss stability  love mine finally allowed normal im happy years alone unstable addicted  alone well interesting story  decided summer  first serious snowfall required get shovel would triggering moment im old enough unhealthy enough im really capable clearing driveway without assistance  figured moment accept best days behind take final step crazy thing though   winter first winter recorded history tiny swath northern indiana live got appreciable snowfall snow  redflag pray courage this ive studied thought lot take life think made right choice one real question remains  think wait snow