voluntary committed psychiatric ward asked friendfamily member come supervise fear harming others made it tipping point knew something safety feel likei struggle vague suicidal ideation time time mostly takes form morbid fantasycuriosity driven felt inability manage life desire free it think ive ever reached point ive felt serious urge it thank god gamed could accomplished flirted precariously logic would lead there carrying thought experiments never trouble intellectually grasping sympathizing trains thought could lead someone selfharm but frighteningly im completely unfamiliar emotional experience close danger know warning signs look im afraid recognize feeling or already given depression tends corrupt ones ability reason think clearly would nothing internal prevent following urge want know im ever grips bitching depressive episode anyone keep eye me depend higher cognitive functioning least recognize red flags allowing protect myself hopes collecting data im asking whove flipped kill switch given responsibility safety hospital friend you know feel like