even possible fix always broken fell apartplease anyone anyone all hear say want feel alone anymore good life far all im beginning think meant feel happiness begin with maybe time go ive never told anyone life detail ive always wanted vent cry know someone else earth knows ive gone through im going through please read need someone know im bad person life  female  years old parents dropped nanas house day birthday never came back me told want me mom pregnant step dads child wanted start family him dad also girlfriend left reason never got divorced dad ended  children several different women know moms kid sister others met briefly fathers funeral mom never liked me look much like dad hated him younger great grandmother forced meet twice week home could get know sister mom would tell sister things like spit face hit me push ask stop without getting yelled at thankfully sister grew older adore now dad hand really know well man shwed nanas house every steal money belongings drug money also liked show drunk wanted fight nana also like much reason kept grandpa loved cherished greatly sadly died first grade angel kept safe everyone else died one protect me nana began telling much despised died pulled hair told devil someday world would know evil was would say son want me something wrong me want either promised me second grade graduated high school longer welcome home would get rid sooner would look bad so uncle worst all always hurt me also man showed wanted money drugs would hurt arms knees leaving bruises gave money great grandmother would give helping around house visited one night around am showed house again banging door nana asleep felt brave night locked deadbolt told leave yelled banged louder refused let in next day saw news night showed home left house immediately went family friends home sadly familys friend opened door unlike me turned uncle high crack night looking money buy drugs with visited man murdered taking money used crowbar man  years old man helped nana many many times nothing eat needed something family children us broke heart asked nana going funeral said fault died given son needed instead going funeral sent away days hid uncle house decided turn in man funeral one attended uncle nana girlfriend side entire time people school bad group even claimed nothing wrong represented okay part left time life long event dad used dirty needle drug use got aids take care moved us state gave money since work spent drugs instead homework dad would call drug dealer sort pills look pill using school provided laptop make sure paying for often found bags unknown powders crack hidden room grades started slip point often fell asleep class dad would get high turn lights on pee everywhere scream night felt brave one night asked stop school two hours needed sleep told go hell promised turned  kicked house two months later high school graduation idea give tickets ended giving mom sister step dad dad nana program left building looked family see anyone crowd called mom showed up stood looked nana friend mine got phone call her called tell come feel like it instead decided visit uncle prison two hours away thats realized one come one cared enough take hour day me surrounded families yet nothing cried spot friends mother let stay day graduation moved around streets awhile nice police officer offered help contacted grandma mothers side really know thankfully said could stay her tried get college point neither mother father would give information could fill paperwork get financial assistance throughout years developed severe depression anxiety suffered panic attacks daily leave house whole life revolved around fear eventually got help that least temporarily took trip florida grandma first time year later finally felt little bit okay point life two days trip received text blue read youre piece shit dad spoken nana since made leave help schooling paperwork understand done immediately broke tears right there hotel trip ruined five words stole another part me continued therapy psychiatrist tried talking getting disability refused work time no function normal human being goal get better get job wanted prove could make something myself months later  night someone knocked door got bed looked window nanas boyfriend opened door asked going on looked second saying your dad died days ago head raced could even respond turned around got car nana left cry yet walked room sent mom text dad died minutes later called pick up sat awhile last words youre piece shit let go cried rest night went another piece me funeral one worst days life showed anxious look sad enough act want go home walked room mom asked go see him want to knew looked like skeleton point hed lost ton weight looked nothing like himself denied went straight nana gave hug may mean knew hurting everyone stared kept whispering thought head nana opened mouth you disappointed him stared wondering meant he suffered lot stole him stole anything anyone understand all he knew bad person everyone knows stood tying keep straight face legs began shake continued i know way are thought would come see died kids came except you even know hospitalized time remember exactly way felt point eyes me filled hate lips started tremble tried speak couldnt kids brothers sisters never knew giving looks like belong there ran room cried turned dad told everyone stealing money bank account never course ive never even bank account myself cousin told hed actually gotten high spent money forgot spent told everyone stole it wanted run explain would never thing im type person would believe know loved him stand chance bad one knew would live that branded waste space long time ago wash away could try harder nothing could stop trying months received hateful messages via facebook ignored everything tore apart inside lost progress id made therapy one night little bit later took bunch pills cut arms legs up nana found kitchen floor called ambulance ended mental facility week though things started look up felt like life mattered facility nice me helped me day discharged went facebook looked old messages deleting people brought down saw several unread messages old highschool friend trying get reply two years replied thinking could use friend years since one eventually hung together since year later mother another child decided move offered live boyfriend old home happily so thinking wed stable living situation is step dad started showing house high saying house car driveway one would steal things would dig trash leave hateful notes door mom stole car began lose weight went  pounds  pounds bones stuck everywhere looked sick time handle constantly coming around acting crazy drug use mom came one day knocked door opened stuck finger face said raising rent  raked yard two weeks told rake broken shwed told leave flipped off got car broke down asked could treat way could act like never acted like mom should asked could steal car yell leaves yard response fuck you flipped backed driveway sank knees front porch panic attack want homeless again id homeless many times before called boyfriend work even speak could cry phone finally able tell happened came home soon could calmed went back work hour later step dad showed up stood scared open door know much could take surprisingly apologized told go mom wrong said realized once high left work felt little bit relief asked small told stressed developed stomach ulcer true wouldnt accept that told knew crack like looked like abusing it never touched drugs life began telling people addicted drugs boyfriend abusing me take anymore boyfriend decided needed get away them longer taking care myself miserable made  month knew moving would hard decided anyway brought home boxes work began pack things slowly surely nights later someone banged bedroom window around am began yelling step dad screamed answer door calling police boyfriend jumped answered door step dad burst hit boyfriend friend recognize step dad continued hitting boyfriend head screamed me threw mail floor dug trash said going call police said stealing mail mail actually junk mail cable internet grocery store junk mail step dad shaking terribly spitting boyfriend high again digging though trash again said leave right would call police finally enough told call police knew wouldnt pushed towards door yelled get out finally left another panic attack lived tent that last part gone finally it live camper now working water electricity use old tablet local wifi im far gone point never leave camper bathe brush hair change clothes cant breathe anymore anxiety bad cant go buy groceries cant look people eye im skeleton now im afraid people im afraid everything boyfriend told long ago im strongest person ever met could never dealt this strong im here taking space im not exactly wanted be worthless nothing broke piece piece nothing left fix hope me empty empty nothing nothing