hi all tried posting redflagwatch alt need someone know im here guys pretty active copypasted it trigger warning everything guess want know someone sees me help comfort anything acknowledge exist main account feel like im edge crumbling cliff im going slip soon goes lose childhood never one first place stuff goes much deeper this heres summary background mentally abusive mom small child parents disciplined me stopped around became preteen wanted run away  elaborate thoughts murdering family  tried kill  started self harming  anorexia  relapsed badly year hundred times ive cried maybe  family much worse summary want spend  minutes typing pitiful childhood used friends get feeling like much none talked quarantine started real conversation anybody know months thought id fine own was recent events home pushed edge it even anything big something made realize something else hate fucking world hate myself hate people ruined life even more want sister go hell tortured rest eternity want mom see much suffering caused me know actually love me fucked never gotten help multiple mental illnesses has im narcissist perfectionist im self absorbed im selfish im immoral also th percentile school tests ive taken im going freshman taking onlevel senior courses im amazing artist work featured state galleries play  instruments im straight student enough tried hard good person guess still standard way would help clean mess someone made pick trash im nice friendly strangers truth theres thing karma bad people get punished heavenly force im long tangent reality reality ill never live normal life normal memories loving family id rather feel nothing im planning overdose soon even want think happen fail thanks world beautiful cruel