ive enough lifei honestly see point life anymore got military last year four years deployment afghanistan kept thinking life would much better out truth far worse friends hang anymore im fucking school im tired frustrated time think friendship woman truly care love death night drunken sex honestly think straw broke camels back person would hang love fucking much know see way got drunk friday evening asleep started fondling initiated sex know basically sexual assault love much know intents malicious guilttripping even speak anymore want know okay im afraid whatll happen friendship really over leaves thats it ive got one im close family im even sure actually love anymore crippling depression keeps night tired throughout day depression let sleep ptsd attempted redflag three times military first time afghanistan nightmare last night crushing top everything else woke covered sweat kept feeling back head exit wound stand laid bed crying alarm went class seriously cant take much this loneliness killing faster anything it im resorting alcohol escape fear becoming alcoholic again want pain despair go away badly im sure long last time since severe feel like buying gun finishing started afghanistan