 complete failure myself friends country familywell begin currently high seems way escape abused childhood burned beat cut home went private school surrounded millionaires even billionaires sons daughters came family  even going home got dream th grade trip trip would get go airplane well got kicked th grade could participate pe fat first thoughts redflag th grade well gay thought monster highschool people touched bathrooms called names made feel like shit attempted redflag  lived thought amazing reason purpose new life nope  years later high school peers top private universities bullying high school stayed home never spoke class final year showed teachers true intellect said late show world deep down believe that am drugged escape cold world alone fat gay used joy fun happiness life died th grade reading online would get fat shamed gay men existence meaningless never move on want pain stop anyone say well anything know guess late