made video last one phone know going do keep picking knives putting down hurts much kind medicine take much afraid hanging myself need die know how two daughters not home moment would never let see melike this want everyone know tried really hard cleaned life things supposed make us happy years cannot forget past assaulted  hurts watch guys live lives happy feel disgustingand cannot go on called fat waste life junkie people supposed love most feel stuck thick mud cannot breathe hurts bad old still hurting past traumas want maybe located one day decision easy know kids home soon find maybe hotel tomorrow night cannot go on put name want stopped go phone see this please nobody like me get help late me love daughters love much everyday held you note them