feel like miserable human makes lives around miserable ill always miserable matter do feel drenched it sinks clothes clumps hair together chunks wears bones makes hard move think impacts love most nothing life get better tried better life work everyone life either hurt way cannot forgive hurt way cannot forgive for feel disgusting disgusting person disgusting body disgusting sick brain makes think disgusting sick thoughts  people personality disorder attempt suicide  successful lot dead  even bother vent feel like existence misery