psychotic break best thing happened mefor life operated highlow basis manic would act physically emotionally impulsively manipulatively would sink lowest lows months later get bed shower take care basic needs convinced unworthy manic powered thoughts selfworth surprised people wanted around me clung semblance acceptance could would manipulate situations benefit feel like shit depressive episode came along took millionth suicidal intention mixed manic phase urge check institution insurance cover mental health knew last day didnt best friend ended relationship  years way hospital text medication prescribed earlier year working me instead muffling depression brought redflag knowing would it planning would happen rose water drowning hour morning knew time better medication mood stabilizer given life back still working fallout finally hope reaching friends spoken years talking strangers internet going movies myself enjoying instead fearing time myself trust again happy confident ever hope guys proud here need someone talk to know here