likely dead new yearssooo im sick trying get existence depressed almost  years struggling anxiety social phobia least  years last year great healthy person finally got boyfriend lot activities people consider fun nothing sad life mood kind ok mostly apathy went really downhill autumn tried jump building block least  times enough fucking balls it got locked mental hospital  weeks suicidal thoughts much handle got prescribed new antidepressants work last  weeks started find interacting people cringe hard tired it instead partying year im going get lot alcohol hopefully drugs go bench far away fuckers fun living happy life blast music hopefully get fucked courage jump fucking ugly ass building want keep fighting waiting get better people telling it gets better trust me not living like fighting like lying ground beating raping bottle ing survive make follow up hope dont