hate myselfive come conclusion hate myself cant stop putting down got chewed missing many days cars broken i deliver stacked on cant accept compliments cant accept gifts bad things criticism myself every single day whole life cant make stop everytime date never lasts long maybe month sweep feet first get know find self esteem one girl let out put table told flat out depression problems know fix them went detail way am actually ill now mom especially siblings put time growing up matter tried stupid ugly good enough remember first grade considered putting birthday party invite friends sister quick note waste money friends frankly right knew it think around age accepted abuse would family lie worthless never went away im  still think im shit told girl much that never told physical abuse kid embarrassed used get really frustrated myself used metal box kept canned things in id punish slamming head wall it really hard grade school age st nd grade told cut already eventually stopped id punch arms legs middle school age would get frustrated myself girl ended leaving ex ago since dated on think ill always alone nobody wants around somebody cant accept pleasure others self esteem low ever was need therapy cant afford it really know do think im close redflag thinking would did maybe awful option people make be done right so id cost efficient way possible also want somebody finding body like said im so guess needed vent depression episodes go stages ill feel better tomorrow hopefully come emo douche