stupid super lucky got beautiful wife  kids  mortgage steady job nearly  years  turned  supposed feel like shit time supposed suicide ideation every second day supposed get point week nearly jumped multi story car park good things feel like meet distractions world slows enough immediately think ending all react negatively everything first response putting unwanted strain notredflag reinforcing idea burden around me see lot posts people shit situations here understand completely feel way feel feel guilty feeling way counts not do still sure turn around hang got lot thankful for still want end all