wish endim done im fucking exhausted fighting brain live honest dont even want anymore people say im kind  opened heart ive used atm lot money dont ever see getting back ive blocked said person borrowed money ask mom borrow money havent done ages shows im useless hate debt anyone especially mom works damn hard money medication made fat dont know shift it absolutely zero motivation literally move bed go downstairs watch tv want slim pretty again sharp objects taken away crave release feeling blade across skin family told disappointed self harm cut im cutting ive pushed friends family away wish could go euthanised everyone favour im fat ugly mess  cant even look mirror  im disgusted myself medication increased months back isnt working ive saving up getting courage end want pain stop please whichever higher power may there kill end suffering