spending another christmas thinking thing every dayanother night spend hours trying fall asleep cant ive depression many many years killed yet family try fall asleep time usually cant unless im totally exhausted write thoughts cant fall asleep usually ends paragraph hate life kill myself know go make things better want bother family shit anymore know happy ive years therapy jack shit im antidepressants still wanna kill myself ive heard everything book people said feeling better still feel like trash makes posting seem pointless hey im still hanging thread something tried yet hell not want live life learn work boring cycle realizing makes wish born im already sick it