trans woman suffers bpd adhd severe redflag feel like cannot go on suicidal since teenage attempted suicide twice last resort starting hrt made significantly less miserable since still ugly progress seems stopped  years hope anymore think would ever able look mirror want throw upi hate adhd bpd mental illnesses ruined life mention gender dysphoria makes cry every day sometimes look mirror days keep sanityi cannot accept look like rest life cannot accept nobody knows woman rather predatory straight man day father said transitioning able easier access women rape them rape victim raped everyday age  coach later classmates high school fucking unfair internalized fear around women feel like occupying space wrong there always afraid go since beaten severely twice past always sexually physically verbally harassed out lost almost friends transmisogyny sure always alone people want date fetishizers see exotic creature man woman never able find sb see like thatnothing change always pain wisest thing end things courage times attempted chickened out sure again cannot endure hell anymore either feel suffocated place world girls like want out