one of my biggest fear is trying everything possible to turn my life around from grade to career career to myself then still come out being the same or still having the same hallow feeling i wan na take this next year to change my life around for the best i wan na look back and be happy with my life and what i ve accomplished i ve learned throughout the year that i really do want to be alive i just don t want to be me i wish i could change myself and who i am and where i came from but i can t so i would like to better myself do something to make myself proud i just don t want to waste even more time trying to fix myself then still be unhappy this fear probably came from my dad he s a ex heroin addict yet in his 0 he went from a crackhead to owning his own auto repair shop ha a beautiful yr old and amazing wife yet he still the most cold hearted asshole he still cant get more then a couple hr of sleep he s drunk every night he rarely speaks a word to me so from heroin addict to a shop owner yet still unhappy still suicidal still fighting after doing so fucking much is that really all there is to life constantly fighting to be happy without ever truly feeling it you may hide it or distract for awhile but it always come back and harder everytime till one day