wrecked everything built back up still want dieits year still cant forgive fucking up getting degree clinical psych course one year got kicked research project cared lot about lost job clinician treatment clinic got kicked last practicum  months set graduate tried kill then didnt succeed fast forward year half graduated masters degree general psych im even proud im sort glad covid cancelled graduation want part it im working research assistant hospital doesnt pay much dont get much recognition level im kind yeswoman someone knowledge money me entry level position future thought would get better still looks dim ever wish id die heart attack ill never successful like wanted be ive tried losing  pounds becoming leader church group everything might make feel worthwhile dont l pray god end doesnt dont want here