hello i am i had been very reluctant to admit i wa depressed but it s very hard to hide at this point plus who am i kidding apparently it written over my face for people who have known me for a while it really hurt me when people ask how are you i can not tell if they are just being cordial or they truly care i assume the former for them and respond i am good okay but every time i say i am good i feel slightly sadder because i know that is not the case i want to speak about this to friend but i do not really feel close to any friend anymore i moved country so this could be a contributing factor so here i am on reddit i have attended university twice now and already going to have a delay on this degree which mean another year of my life wasted to chasing a degree 9 i have been very disconnected from friend over the last two year and have felt like i am in a prison because i have mostly spoken extensively to just two people over last two year maybe this is because i am extroverted i do not recognise myself anymore i used to be so positive and strong mentally but a lot of negative thinking and bad thought have engulfed me for a while now i used to be very funny and enjoyed joking around but thats vanished these day i used to be very athletic and worked very hard to get lean after antipsychotic made me gain weight but now i am starting to put some weight back on because i have been using unhealthy food to cope these day my mind is flooded with so much negative thought pattern it s becoming too exhausting and i can barely study despite my best effort and knowing final are next week mostly quit social medium especially instagram because all it make me do is compare myself to others and reminds me of how unaccomplished i feel and the older i get the more i start to fear that i might actually go nowhere and how it might be better to die young and full of potential than a wasted life will i get back to how i once wa before my mental health went to shit is there a way out for good i have tried therapy but didn t work my last therapist told me she doesn t know why i am depressed because i am very good looking smart likeable and said to cheer up like it wa that simple