therapy stopped thought getting better moving returned state depression redflag obsessive thinking feel unable cope difficulty lifei appointment online therapist obviously cannot say anything suicidal bad thoughts  yo young know life always bad cannot stand world works sick societyi regularly go phases suffer feel miserable enjoy anything anymore food socializing meeting people hobbies etci really want try commit suicide fail may deal side effect horrible health problems caused method pity peoplei far away home abroad want family suffer hear death even managed fuck real bad cannot vent anyone suicidal irl