guess preface saying talking work damned stubborn baseless negative thoughts want burden mom telling anything get therapist way guess ill list mistakes led here well school well enough go good college good college good job shame rest life older sister flourishes fear going end like deadbeat dad id rather die leech others like does good person downer anything useful offer anyone entirely replaceable grandma died  days ago grandpa probably far behind probably thing slightly control though spend much time thembut suppose cannot complain many people suffered much worse still loved life useless coward giving up hydrocodone overdose looking really tempting right now ill tell stupid little story try properly plan death time