someone talk pleasei friends awake realized need talk someone epiphany life think spiraling failure know im afraid this want kill gets worse care family think feel know depression pass onto kill myself frankly care going difficult think put aside feelings go away blackness ease consider pretty good redflag ive tried failed twice know dos dos know go pawn shop wait background check walk pistol tomorrow walmart hunting store straight gun store want talk maybe convince pull life together fighting hopeless person doubt it also want vent life