want distance loved onesi feel hopeless future things gotten better  years therapy work first time time around impossible even schedule meeting unless want deal time conflicts schooling feel pointless existence think mom loves child think loves person know boyfriend cares me think name friend would realize died beyond showing school might message first time want distance family boyfriend make less painful give kill myself know how know make less painful them cant go like anymore want slowly stop part lives leave room much join mom anything stop talking boyfriend much become less important cause issues distress maybe well break eventually make process much easier want keep living like this