tw self harm blood gaslighting but feels like option have cannot live abusive household anymore mom outrageous bpd symptoms remains undiagnosed fucking upset treats me tried talking calmly could going carnival cousin whose family despises dad convinced outside family bad going judge toxic relationship want get mad tried nicest could blame everything bad happened two younger brothers idea would happen came back womens shelter fucking mad allowed say oh remember happening your dad never hit me i remember saying this you makimg stuff againthen j start crying feels like mum beyrayed me start sobbing words shaking talking louder talking me says call cops say psycho fuckingn godsddddddd whyyy whyyeu time nicer  treats adult literally self harmed much past days one arm her fight came upstairs almost  times crying hard know iti therapjst teied calling pick up arms sting going die cannot believe mum fucking assholei want tell therapist evertthing abuse brothers get taken away scared domt want getting abused foster home want family back normali want admitted psych ward scared ill hurt worse cut deeper scared ill hit beaten dad finds cuteverytime tried telling wanted kill would tell stop talking it coward everyone household depressed special sorry making long sorta crying inbetween words here need get chest domt know get better know telling rherapist cut get cps called know telling want activsly kill also get cps called i canada domt even know fjcking cannot stand parents thw abuse neglect fucking scared going one day pretend never happened wanma show awful theyvw treated wknt care dieim going clean blood arm right still terrified crying meanwhile pretending thw whole argumwnt had mever happened making lunch evrry one me dads work idk domt want