know anymorei needed somewhere write something sit tub warm water surrounds hips legs slight contrast cold metal blade hand know long sat looking left wrist asking myself are gonna it thought death fascinated scared me fascinated pain anything blood way heart rose eventually fell way would feel gave let droopy eyelids fall last time eternal sleep freedom riddance everydays burdens lifted right hand left arm held blade place cut cut cut mind chanted over pushed blade skin alone made little drop pool around edge blade smiled slightly pain felt good way letting know come slowly firmly pulled blade along skin repeated spot couple times then lowered wrist water watching blood fall wrist bottom tub simply fascinating loved how peaceful  looked drove further made cuts arms went couple times well time blade went across skin blood would come out keep track much blood lost steady inflow water draining mastered technique younger age keep water warm came great handy now keeping left wrist water near drain set blade ledge tub rest head knee could already feel drowsiness coming made happy id leave pain behind all shut eyes done kinda exactly like sleep dreaming anything woke bright fluorescent lights head smell death latex gloves around realized sleep closed eyes slept more running away guilt id feel would see sorrow parents eyes one day would put except wake then true story