know much live for thats makes worsei dont know start this dont know right place me dont think ill kill myself cant write this toddler asleep chest kindergartner asleep next room husband left work feel irreparably broken want stop im getting help im medicated enough im afraid tell doctor enough were running pills try im afraid im broken plan ive plan like fantasy vacation play head go beach leave keys phone shoes sand take pills left swim swim far can fall asleep go under one find clean me im really trying everytime feel like im ok something knocks again tired completely tired keep throwing things hole chest cant fill it medication working self harm burns leg working family loves fucking much working fuck wrong me desperately want ok want happy want ok swimming fall asleep feels like way