still  still feeling like shit crazy think depression hit me ask anyone knew would say radiant full joy life insouciance lost completely trust anymore all doubt every decision make end anything anymore tendency shut people noticed matter social could covid make like weekends party like nothing mattered time people stop reaching out never reach ashamed feel like shit every day passes worst self estimei ugly dumb raised abusive household never developped sence identity never successful relationship always chasing wrong guys wrong guys chasing me never said love someone even though felt never guts did even matter played anywayi never recognition parents family friends anymore nothing cati tell everyday go work self worth least something day tired switching  apps day tired hopeless future future get uglier day day lose confidence stay alone lonely time cannot reach people lost interest live best life hurt self estime rejected again cannot take rejection time let anyone anymore age people care anymore feel like waiting mom pass away take away life human gave little bit love of course lot manipulation hurt too outlook life different now life cool fun used be sometimes cannot point mid depression growing deep know mostly depressioni went psychiatrist even feel like anymore know wrong cannot fix it feel like alone long cannot get back tonight free amazing party next place hear music people shooting reminds time that think twice would always plans weekendsnow sports cat netflix memoriesi want part  club more let writing heard cannot take anymore nothing bad luck life beg over never good was let go away let people happy cannot need vent bit again