im depressed since im  years old gets worsehi im native english speaker excuse faults diagnosed depressions  years old im  now never learned job still living mom winter last year girlfriend cheated me tried forgive ended relationship  months later us made mistakes lived year january moved march stopped contacting me tried contact times day since  nothing thought would ok honest went outside half year except buy food contact friends last half year either felt fine im depressed long time kinda felt good terms today tried check facebook deleted it feel like died contact  months try now gone conversations her like good days happy every day since broke me thats healthy know consider redflag normal now got nothing life real friends job even chance get home go mental hospital   weeks im waitlist  months now know admission hospital really need someone talk new thoughts head