 hate writing right now especially reddit god damn places regardless that want die years first thought conceives mind awake death it especially weird know happy moments life mine yet suffice makes upset try hard survive push yet head keeps feeling way does years therapy months psych ward experience still crave death thing breaks heart recognize happier moments yet still unhappy normally would treat positive instances progress solely still left emptiness before besides that imma save money hire hitman myself already done research know look need moneyhopefully next life live holds better things ill gone soon thanks listening bullshit want hire hitman