wish could stop existing moment twim sorry want pour heart right now please read vulnerable right now wish could see counselor sooner itll three weeks meet again flashbacks day every day stupid stupid stay him ended things even meant id die redflag suicidal alone him sure friends nobody knew going inside head him let abuse me let rape me let coerce me let slap me let assault me let him five years fault stupid stupid maybe im liar maybe never happened realized sooner flashbacks day every day taken care house sure kid kid nobody never taught take care house nobody taught clean nobody cleaned disaster slept floor floor see due trash dirty clothes such surrounded insects beetles larvae couldve done something right theres much couldve done stupid whatever done something dog shit everywhere dog piss everywhere nobody took dog out smell ate plastic caused pipes get clogged fault take showers standing shitwater pieces shit floating water ankles remember smell fault fault lived house expensive us fault cried mom said move again even now social anxiety depression anxiety schizotyal disorder fault too social anxiety just try endure it symptoms anxious around people just cant help it anxious around people guess fault just want stop while want black without memories thoughts want disappear want hurt know cant want throw up want cry stop existing im stupid useless im slow im awful cant anything right sorry venting im sad right now