im contemplating redflagthrowaway account contemplating redflag dont see point life point living life painful ive suffered depression life looking back suffered young age nephew turning  soon makes stomach turn look him innocent child thoughts hopelessness anxiety age didnt bad childhood definitely lonely one ass beat times brother think sometimes honestly nothing major ive reached help im currently waiting list counselling referred for  months waiting list put medication mh nurse socially im relatively normal wouldnt guess looking im often life party quite chatty lot banter work come home broken person ive lot people life thrown away ive always quite disposable person ive things happen shouldnt have ive knowingly let people take advantage use me probably selfesteem many people let done shitty things apparent problem cant go life blaming people must reason always happens me nobody wants probably fault ive enough ive thinking lot think people would really care mum dad id leave savings letter explaining theyd much better off lot heart break lately stress work grievance put member management bullying me rejection im mess im looking advice pleas it needed place rant