random noisei anyone share with reddit it hard time right now thought might write this get unpleasant unsettling feelings head strong longing death feeling squatting around head try analyze feeling always come back  conclusions  existential point humanity exist cant known  gain joy act working task genuinely believe brain receives reward chemicals successful completion task am seemingly highly intelligent person feel helpless really deliver potential yet really external observers recognize praise me feel core existence truly gifted intelligent person feel like retarded genius left devices without action unable leverage life motivated action external events feel small slice time soon started transition curse lifted raised long enough get surrounded external force education riding wave aliveness number years now know going this lost metaphor trying say external force enacted work requires push myself take action accord makes want die know languished life away participating life depressing work nothing accomplish nothing yet potential unmeasurable unify two emotions bleakness empty existence knowing must way humanity unify overcome this saviors ourselves want alive anymore cant even save myself tired fighting bullshit whole thing makes want think feel act anymore know make stop want feel alas know want feel perhaps could get there right now feel stuck