want die really really want die cant waitthe past three years worst life throughout high school life amazing star athlete healthy friends family great girlfriend since first year college tricked taking one cycle steroids life changed year cycle ive  surgeries constant pain lost life contract girlfriend connection friends family im  years old ap classes high school hardly able read im sick tired pain im done life im  cant work travel party study without constantly pain ive lost everything used im fucking done im fucking sick done life cant wait over pain constant pain pain even areas didnt surgery like shoulders cant play guitar lift food mouth without pain im sick fucking done dont want live pain reality im even alive sitting room immobile alive im done