suicidalive suicidal better part life started treatment  ever since ive made progress much feel like total loser depression bad im ssi idk ssi makes feel like ill never normal friends family connections birthday coming making everything worse thinking back past year ive done absolutely nothing ive burning bridges anyways going ever get lucky enough commit without much interference life would little live fori keep deluding think im young enough turn situation around thats wishful delusional thinking years life meant build foundation rest life right im depressed barely leave apartment disability much foundation build of idk ive never really reached strangers internet late im ive already called crisis line help much yelling void