please helpim  turning  months past ive struggled heavily depression anxiety im college school anxiety much different bc college youre own dont want go school paid also feel like im failure parents dont finish getting point everyday wake feel like im going motions stay alive never look forward anything feeling like lost hope falling back cycle depression isolate become even depressed moment dont feel depressed want live see value life back heavily depressed ive thought committing feelings coming back ive seeked help professionals see change myself way get without thinking joking around smoking weed dont feel past longer wish live struggle courage bc think people affect decision dont want family friends end feeling also wouldnt want feeling like this came write get suggestions people experiencing similar things question build courage alternative see value keeping on want happy