completely fucking crazy making sense you toook so bear me along process now universe mass energy birthed  billion years ago point singularity concept time space physics speak indefinite period then sudden seemingly random expansion big bang theoretically inaccurate explosion much inflation singularly dense infinitely energetic massive point small could fit proton neutron lightyears two anyhow expansion stars matter form energy eventually enough break particles mass waves energy get sun this gravity allows particles collect form earth solar system et al human race born dies billion years sun perhaps before every single atom particle energy everything sun eventually become white dwarf transtion small black hole another point singularity though infinitely energetic massive however swallows lot whole lot see swallows earth every celestial body can even bigger black hole perhaps andromeda swallows it now process continue seemingly impossibly large or small black hole swallows one mass energy everything contained single infinitely dense infinitely energetic space inconceivably small light thus time space literally incomprehensible thus chain begins anew new singularity recycled mass energy indestructible eternal forever mean say is were fucked really really fucked destined swallowed singularity another mass energy bound point singularity preceded universe proceed another given information concept matter anyone anywhere swallowed forces beyond control possible reason could continue existence im even depressed facts im simply accepting realize fate share every atomic structure organic not so why ive struggling nihilism philosophical points while ridiculous know know logical necessarily true feel gripped it stuns me seen therapist weeks im still sleeping feel captured idea cant let go try distract temporary im drinking right now desperate rid mind seeming inevitability cant fuck me cant im tired unbelievably sick thinking want endless loops logic feel like fucking jack box predetermined pop destined fall back down im so tired damned tyrannous stars edit thank you everyone talking me know sometimes incredibly frustrating talk with really understand want throw hands say fuck it exactly feel time apologize errors thought reason et al errors spelling grammar etc slept much past two weeks so