know constantly feeling alone kinder always bullied really make much friends neighbors playmates always felt reason play brother brother throughout grade school one really want friend high school came thought finally making progress friends made drifted away usually fun cousins even feel like fit like would better without there feel like inconvenience people around me right  close friend teacher knife wrist x life time could cut kind feel like coward going it constantly imagine family seeing dead pool blood cannot talk mom views people kill weak siblings often told suicide never answer feel like need it sorry long read lonely