constantly feel like shit see ever happyno matter many steps forward try take life feel like im running place doomed keep falling flat face job sucks raise barely anything still make enough ever afford live own plus stress running entire company sole employee  crushing causing fuck school even school people genuinely mentally retarded bar set pretty low fucked midterms which sucks major basically entire identity admitting fucking suck thing im supposed good at risk needing essentially take semester ever getting parents house even overcome bullshit somehow manage live own think would make anywhere near happy think ill ever allow happy id really love blow money booze bullshit kill rather cleaning neverending mess life top off since im crazy depressed people get along crazy hell well every time date someone slits wrists fingernails argue reminder im crazy loved anyone psycho ill never worth someone elses time lives impossible standards anyone nearly normal ghosts long ones stick around insane desperate like me want go back therapy ive tried therapy onoff since th grade first attempted redflag none done much anything me last one never said anything likeever insight offer argued  minutes get speak repeating insight already said uncertain terms one likely molested one patients lost license one misdiagnosed bpd turned irrelevant conversation one drinking far problematic truly awful enough told friend raped asking it ontop that even find someone competent solution problems problem fucking suck fail attempting change im reminded pushing forward fucking sunk cost fallacy grandest level