existence is always meaninglesssomethings wrong many years getting better got fucking diagnosis friday im bipolar ii mother started crying  got home heard phone grandmother telling know grandmothers fault terribly bipolar passing medication gets sent dormitory tomorrow evening honestly think im going take get hands it theyre putting  mg lamictal daly start sliding mg twice daily along prozac help fucking work even copious amounts drugs nonprescription drugs work boyfriend start watching wilfred told started watching tried kill helped healing process know hes trying help lately nothing works want die nothing ever works want end