ending paini lost appointment mental health clinic next week know make it panic attacks last months last week became painful fainted street morning walking girlfriend idea never waned tell her together short period time few months cant imagine life without her probably reason typing right now father paranoid schizophrenia left  slept street crushed friends couches occasionally year moved another country left sister mother provide take care them felt good focused finally paid ever needed lost everything else home come back to solitary killing every day job hardest one world work sort programmer make good buck cant function work get panic attacks feel anxious cant concentrate stopped eating feel hungry anymore felt good providing family mother sister need anymore place anymore wasting everyones time oxygen girlfriend mentioned earlier beautiful creature world  weeks ago found drug addict pills whatnot actually mentioned casually text message panic disorder got point scream night want rip skin off know go here could get fired using antidepresives therapy appointment probably get canceled confront two possibilities end scenario shit get fucking worse something stupid tells fuck deal tells stop know work way wont stop upon that father creating shitload legal problems everyone related including living abroad go embassy month report bring lawyer deal shit well edit feel bad know might seem like overreacting spent entire life dealing peoples problems solving peoples problems colecting mine boxing way through cant handle anymore much story hurths tried talk people every time did lost person forever dont talk lose people dont talk share things cant handle judge hear them