quite close friendcolleague mine committed redflagshort preface senior  year old medical student mentorampfriend young orthotrauma surgeon bit older  children wife man like substitute father me sometimes even risking are teaching rather specialized trauma knowledge amp allowing perform interventions patients still student well time listen lifes issues today side side channels told weekend abandoned world volition seriously think end too due terrible family background alcoholic amp mentally abusive mother fk father neurotic bit ocd plagued terrible headache flares nearly whenever begin really stress something nearly friends  except one close friend whos living another country moment truthfully terrible making friends somehow people age tend stay away me social contact colleagues academic group most hate me rather uptight shity sense humor ergo social life good studies helping patients sports personal enjoyment  swimming there consider husk human being performing day day functions well eat study sht sleep repeat well appeasing grandmother whom raised me truthfully person today keeping earth things feel really inside emptiness sadness loneliness  is even allow myselfhave time think them teacher way stronger person am finished gruesome residency friends good sense humor wholesomely terrific human being yet decided leave life behind strong person decided stop earth continue living biological husk human life full misery