wake morning first thought want dieyou want die eat want die try sleep want die work want die exercise want die shower want die phone sure sometimes get focused present forget im moment obviously soon enough though comes again wonder every night next morning thought would stop coming like magic course moment wake thought pops head daily ritual like current situation hard me thing thats hard cant get thoughts come true either get thoughts action thoughts gone tried twice already didnt work wasnt able myself dont know afraid suffocated several minutes maybe gunshot would easier country in thats possible im sick therapy im sick tests took last years im sick talking strangers encounter job life boring used like gaming used like technology dont stuff anymore dont interest anymore reason ive done things know about current merely remnant past used curious nothing really intrigues anymore miss old past self hes gone now im tired tired living like people get hungry dont eat long enough want die ive lived long without pauses wish easy eating