dont know doive hoping death since stepfather died about  years ago asshole emotionally fucked every second daily life  years killed leaving us heap debt year wrecked mother emotionally afraid kill myself maybe mother would follow soon after sincerely hope best want great things raising sister easy task everything seems hopeless desolate everything society life know dying slowly dont see point feeding anyones bank account forcing go college burying family debt ive thoughts often im seeing scenarios dreams im coward terrified pain suffering ive waiting chance get firearm surefire way think of thing im unsure mother