tears eyes pain heart thought would feel better day went on convinced brother stay friends weekend posted earlier roffmychest things gone depressing almost unbearable sitting room nearly  hours contemplating long funk go on ive lost anything eat shower leave ive done nothing today sob crawl ball recently put best friend wonderful german shepard cancer age   months diagnosis final vet told truth help anymore felt awful prolonging pain im grown man met end rope job unrewarding im able make ends meet feels like day goes find behind ive tried make everyone happy holiday things know cant afford ive maxed credit cards paying bills buying gifts bring joy others ive told everyone thing want xmas mother father love again blew tire car dropping brother friends alone side street pulled lug wrench began change tire rain grip nut slipped dug knuckles asphalt frustrated sat sidewalk sobbed shivering put smile face finish changing spare get back car know days know cant anymore