feel empty dayslast week found fiance year cheating me background met girl year ago really tough situation ex moved city home state dude work stuck ended falling her progressively minded butted heads family alot always stuck fought matter what ended moving studio apartment get away family im  year old college student make  month working lab could afford apartment times rough end bad falling dad thought worth fight me grandmother agreed let us move house long helped bills times good untill found cheating me asked leave new guy sleeps floor aunts apartment buy bus ticket coming wednesday ive living ever since killing me one hand feel betrayed im terrified well being dude job cant work subsists aunt know comfortable there love feel empty feel like whenever let someone always find someone better me fact ive come accept im never first choice anyone im piece st deserve happiness im worried cant sleep really want die cutting latelt think thing holding back want find body im afraid much would hurt im spiritual thats fear me ive researching painless ways death really want nothing pain emptiness go away forever