know anymoreive living constant sinking feeling inside quite time now approaching two years quite number ups downs life time dunno every time silver lining comes even bigger cloud comes life raining lot shit me ive got people care about people care me yet feel isolated ever ive got beautiful so even her still feel alone unwanted regardless around me connect mentally know even family sucks mother got diagnosed cancer fighting chemotherapy brought family together home feel anymore theres different feeling air everybody seems like sort isolating themselves including myself feel like home anymore im alone too feels like ive got nowhere nobody want kill myself think least  times day always plan im going it play around knife bed night thinking could end right wanted to im sure bring it know people care me least think do mind tells dont mind still alone want go it want time know cant think straight anymore think something wrong head scared