you ruin everythingim  ive physical mental health issues long remember ive spent time hospitals body mind trying best person be always coped well teenager id lash family adult ive learned turn anger hurt inwards something rather outward family cutting parts lives while holding responsible sins long past committed failing recognize work ive put try better soon brother uncle friend month ago got together without even  minutes apartment acted like fault include me started discussing childhood therapy turning stones id looked long long time got ptsd diagnosis realized idea less ideal childhood blamed for actually pretty abusive well last days telling come home christmas see kids love dearly want told things wanted grab medical paperwork know id back went tense want bring things brought said felt told running christmas leave asked like told abuse played called liar said remembered never happened either lying nuts im shook remember things clearly vividly happenedi think im pretty sure ive burned last bridge family theyve called liar crazy told ruined everything im left doubting everything im hurting physically mind falling apart heart never felt broken part really wants leave world guess think ill ok really mind ended im trying best