planning ending life turn i cant take anymore im much failure hate much hate alive reason im still alive today shove knife heart  years ago really want kill im afraid ill suffocate long time hang someone would save me thus decided im going give chance try live  years left turn legal adult ever kiss girl get girlfriend turn  im going go trouble getting shotgun im going kill myself quite impossible get back pull trigger shall finally put rest cant wait die get rid pain suffering know never get girlfriend matter hard try no know fact girl would look right past im hopelessly ugly so id better start looking shotgun right now