living joyless life exhaustingim necessarily suicidal life feeling overwhelming im lot moments want burry head beneath blankets scream fu life general im dysthymia add drowning student loan debt graduate degree child special needs single mom feel ive ruined life going grad school older age owe k wont able pay student loans im  even im paying much humanly can ive single twelve years since left ex likely lose rental new year due landlord bringing family nothing car likely fall apart within six months cant even save money replacement due huge loan payments sons specialists living one expensive cities world feel like ive accomplished nothing life life consists waking talking  hours order get up working  hours weekly crying way home putting energy lovely teen child eating chocolate make feel better passing bed nothing used enjoy gives pleasure joyful feelings dont see way make life better like years im going tomorrow child love immensely though feel like lost parenting jackpot maybe years hes adult