want freeits long time since ive felt genuinely good lately felt usual mom passed  dad didnt acknowledge felt told youre swiftpicklelicker youll fine im early s learn cope own never quite figured cope healthy way funneled energy video games  kids wife happy right truthfully years ive declined steadily more ive shell years dont feel anything sadness rarely feel joy put mask day day basis draining me ive contemplated many times easily could free earthly problems wife always tries help doesnt know to neither i time went help  months ago lady told im liar im manipulator depressed would already killed myself shocked rooted people wont understand me hide it fake til make it right lately ive thinking hard one thing driving motorcycle straight big truck maybe brick wall dont know anything it dont know im afraid to get excited adrenaline starts pumping get rush im lowest point ever felt life seems get worse every day knows want free