want dieagainif read previous posts here would come know tough time friends however theyre reason wanna kill myself reason wanna kill me see never son parents could proud always friend friends who awesome way deserved ive realized im disappointment all one series realizations come know span short period time i still am struggling alcohol problem one bad apples batch got hooked it honestly cannot seem stop either getting back point also realized suicidal thoughts like aids cannot really go back way things were ease pain really good friend met pretty recently also left well essentially exploded her told things boyfriend know pretty bummed kinda maintaining distance he best friend found something wrong leave told up asked promise tell n exactly that got pissed essentially exploded her problem is taking anti depression meds time idk now kind person whos check even exhibit slight hints killing yourself shed literally call phone answer texts used too combined aforementioned factors makes feel like monster way know get rid kill  actually optimistic last time posted know went also realized cannot make everyone happy trying that disappoint everyone so thought disappointing everyone last time ending all way kill right jumping window get panic attack every time try jumping window im scared heights honestly know anymore im lost think ill person was im sorry wasting time