 yo male throughout life feel like peaked really early on either selfinduced calamity circumstance combo came crashing down even though lived long time already experienced long term relationship sex life abroad college recognition realize lucky actually tick moments relationship ended became selfgrandiose deemed settling someone me whatever hell meant time life abroad ended forgot nonchalant file paperwork crucial legal standing realized ba ms degrees even though acquired top universities mean shit apparently thousands software programs mastering instead wasting time passing introduction beer ge course college remember used extremely motivated driven three four years ago always deemed best quality could find motivation within ever since times kept falling away subjective optimal human life be find hard motivated everyday tasks grown dislike people think finally realized superficiality modern society least segment know everything seems extremely pointless job since grad school relationship said breakup might grown lazy might severely depressed lucky leech am expenses are time think paid for make stupid mistakes like getting married adopting baby starting business way add anyone anything payroll could retire small bungalow country meagerly live rest life without working engaging society might grow alcoholic severed lung bet going make posing question here writing seriously thinking past couple months want know opinion it think way vertically thinking change position horizontally ultimately falling radar idk make sense folks tired bored hopeless life thinking retirement