want lifeits year since ex dumped me think ever loved even liked much maybe first started dating moved away maybe part lust too firsts him visited last april he lived  hours away move back home losing first job college dumped went home really care told make tinder account make friends see therapist ask parents dating advice basically nice life wanted ground swallow die time honestly since happened still feel depressed happened moved back area almost year ago he dumped last april already started seeing someone else year fuck cant let go cant fucking move on like me want friends want back ship sailed long gone much happier without even miss me brain stuck cant get him past year gotten new job moved nice new place own dating someone probably smart successful him new group friends much enjoying life past year gained almost  lbs still work job fucking hate developed hate field studied chose work i longer take seriously became extremely cynical negative angry world barely made enough money get by spent impulsively friends social life ate feelings cut family life for part every time come contact parents dad takes time tell much embarrass useless failure am spent way much time checking social media obsessing him crying especially car shower bed overdosing pills cutting myself selfharming drinking smoking getting ghosted hilariously tried dating again friends stop talking depressing around traumatized tried going therapy again got  traffic tickets wrecked car not fault lonely useless waste person ive wasted time life wish could unfollow social media see updates anymore move fuck on easier said done part scared looking petty crazy unfriendunfollow him like she angry mestill feelings me whatever part thinks keep social media come back judging broke me latter extremely unlikely wish large group friends like does wish become mute anxiety im group people current situation maybe like  friends never see initiate contact want see themknow theyre doing hard even keep conversation see losing interest too much want friends kind gave trying keep contact them lost interest like lost interest me maybe accept fact im going alone rest life either live accept it kill myself im  savings shitload debt accomplishments friends family im alone sucks alone ive alone whole life born child general stereotype child parents spoil rotten give attention opposite parents older early life could tell never interested becoming parents time mom always friends dad garage working cars getting drunk interaction dad hitting criticizing me putting mom taking side friends kids parents school really like parents and still arent nice people alone time child im alone time now im sick hearing you need love accept alone go things alone travel alone great etc etc im fucking sick alone social anxiety terrible makes want kill myself wish friends cared me wish boyfriend gave shit feelings gave love affection especially much give back even group people feel singled out cant communicate cant relate close feel awkward last time went social even coworkers went bowling went along maybe laughed couple times answered question someone asked barely talked even three beers still anxious mess went straight home afterwards instead eat like everyone else feel like cant anything situation anymore like theres helping me shy scared kid im shy scared depressed adult life living hell even think try anymore theres point therapy help never has im cynical effective anymore think im great person proud me great im paying tell that sorry hear ive through thanks make feel better want go more would money energy confidence time would friends want write things like myself like anything myself no im going try meditation put pills body bullshit generic advice one big business take field seriously anymore feel like death really option point get constant mental suffering part depression half situation family friends emotional support attractive outgoing interesting enough part society nothing contribute nothing look forward to cant even count hands many times ive driven empty parking lot past year half cry disturb roommates remember calling crisis hotline several times never helpful im sick messaging people message back honestly though talking problems solve make feel better kind dont understand point talking either im sick going suffering im negative shallow waste person here course world affected gone everyone would forget week maybe week half two weeks im done trying improve situation feel like death option left