felt suicidal since  years old emotionally abusive parents absentee father mother lived grandmother emotionally abusive one met wife rd year highschool started dating senior year awkward first real girlfriend outside long distance ones also end well changed people throuout  years together mostly good growing empathy ability communicate one thing grow self esteem see objectively particularly ugly anything skills nothing really added self worth wife primary source confidence last week found involved someone via internet destroyed even though cut contact saying lot right things stay together major anchor world feel like really meant me told never thought would make far right feet dragging guess venting work go here good moments wife since still feel like life drained me know plenty worse plenty people would wayward spouse show remorse feel selfish honestly everything feels selfish feel like deserve nothing death broken infidelity