big dealim considering redflag absolute failure life failed academically failed socially failed everything theres nothing life worth salvaging think family lot would put through blocks it committing it harm really depressed little get it mother one im worried most weak mentally able get it time religion think thatd give strength hope least ive considered writing redflag note asked forgiveness im do im religious person asking forgiveness helps mother deal it id definitely it brother sister would depressed little see getting it strong dad would angry rightfully so think hed hard time getting it ive thought lot losing happy experiences that way see it better someone happy fulfilled life gets experience things instead know people experiencing things bad someone gets it me noose made place want go it think long enough im afraid ill botch it theres also shotgun house use itll really hard get access it since dad hidden key ever since first attempt im terrified family blame everything anything end getting frustrated angry whole thing entirely fault im entirely blame want blame hate me guess thats do