brother killed thingthis short version story older brother one always depressed even tried kill self stopped parents happened  years ago i  ive recently turned  one month later somehow got fathers gun shotgun shot self head rushed room saw exploded head since ive never said word im able speak anymore im mute trauma called selective mutism want look up extremely depressed everytime close eyes see image dead brother head blown off multiple panic attacks everyday dont want talk friends familyby talk mean communicate literally talk cant anymore im sitting knife next me dont know it please help