ocean redflag vs sdcci want swim cant  fine becoming part ecosystem makes useful ive last decade life know ill get there abuser extremely intensely controlling day badge sdcc amp idea badly wish could instead painfully submitting death kept planning pretending something would work out things kept getting worse me cant stand live another thing supposed never did finished mercy someone elses severe mental illness never getting situation help amp leaves hope sounds trivial dumbass kills themself cant go comic con it though used real toilet weeks shower months even let earn  eat more victim horrific abuse collapses crushing weight another hopeful escape yanked reach victim chooses walk field instead playing another forced inning abuser so crying but yall eyes dry amp even lump throat really good time sometimes amp eternally thankful experiences way except die accept now peace you