feel useless society really know going doi fired every job pick depression gets best end miserable matter do start showing late lack enthusiasm super slow overall give fuck attitude last time tried go college ended suicide attempt taking financial emotional redflag debt lasted way long handle mention credit card also paid credit score gone shit try get professional help end answering calls showing appointments process takes forever always stuck waiting start medication end trying use end lifethe one thing supposed passionate art love art since child got opportunity make money art a family friend requested portrait daughter took  months finish hated it although loved paid me still put existential crisis hell going cannot even handle something love job tv definition bum live mom freeload playing video games nothing time two friends talk every months boyfriend seems love lot thinks help get life together one day needs realize really disappointment sure fix this know honestly stopped caring life long time ago live shame guilt acting like plan family friends ask itthe worst part cannot even talk without becoming extremely depressed overwhelmed f jobless school ambitions