hope iti live dread unknown everyday worry future event may happen may not does able survive it go specifics except involved mistake part psychologically spiritually selfinjurious feel like live right hell fear paranoia sad part even way kill comes that lot time hanging out reason im broke afford method well couple days weeks time maybe afford quick exit strategy even though im happiest person world ive thought redflag before ive never close actually following through even extreme insecurities fear intimacy crippling continue condemn life loneliness may miserable life continues uneventful many previous years continue sake continuing however event fear much comes me choice die fear unknown hellish ive ever experienced came tonight right feel particularly overwhelmed darkness around right now palpable know feel better exit strategy hand enormous relief know final option said really hope come that im religious person care worship dont please pray me im halfway decent person ever hurt myself