seems patternive dealing mental health issues since age   years old born halloween rd generation grandmother great grandmother also born halloween diagnosed major depressive disorder severe recurrent also panic disorder ptsd trauma suffered age   self harm regularly unfortunately though done weeks depressive episode came today realized almost christmas lights tree nothing indicate time year mention always celebrated christmas despite fact sister atheist make parents happy honest get joy normally happiness around altar boy young believed knew bible well would become priest lo behold sciencedriven mind landed atheist category know sparks particular depressive episode although several panic attacks today sitting car outside coat thinking googled forums redflag since im already member reddit although post much interested saw called crisis team knew going bad things plan sell harm im sitting confused im upset anyway im truly sorry right get somehow thank