cant make hell every day might seriously end todayevery day beyond hell every day lower deepest level hell never able get memories head someone put heart into never even got kiss fought for treated worse hitler treated jew history world lived it remember every day years end ive deeply deeply suicidal years ever since then ruined entire life one fills gap every time someone could fill comes life like recognize happened me god takes away me women like come way tell give time ive given seven years nothing fills gap going blow head off logical conclusion cant get rid memories im done waking hear hate betrayal towards me wish happened never happened wish wouldve worked out wish never committed loyal faithful three qualities mocked replacement im going die nothing fills gap nothing changes never understand like tortured long tell understand someone like come life soon way was person motivated anyone im going dead tonight im sick hearing lies im sick hearing peoples opinions  ampxb im sick hearing peoples opinions know level suffering endured throughout entirety life timeline hundredfold worse yours want hear it want hear say kill yourself done living im done dead alive earth im done expected find happiness impossible find im done told understand me im done told understand pain im done everything want die right now every day right now want die just dont get how much suffered wish could bring everyone else around me realize magnitude heavy wake traumatic memories every day feel like im stabbed more god gave cancer top ruining life blesses people destroyed entire soul wish everyone felt pain