want people know whats happening life since cant really tell someone irl without freaking somethingi really dont want to stuff going happen soon resulting loosing family school long term girlfriend im really scared im coward honestly would rather dead try fix mess mess putting lightly though life large puzzle itd like throwing entire thing fire shame im thinking cutting artery idt id stomach that ill figure something out hear takes bleed out dont hit artery people usually discovered saved fortunately live alone dorm room one ever visits lot time wrote note class addressed girlfriend looking back it kinda place dont feel like fixing it hear slit arm cause permanent damage fuck up got medical stuff case wake decide try right after guess im writing make sure people know dont history depression havent really shown obvious reasons something think id ever kill myself feel certain sense control calmness im actually looking forward time make decision decide go it ill let guys know