month since partner  years left birthday bags packed said leaving closure still even know happened physically emotionally abusive never told anyone account emasculating feels know tell people female partner punches home arguments begged go therapy years started covid worked hard become better person mentally healthy hated version me waste life s reason live took friends anyone anymore drove cross country family try sort out quickly reminded spend much time family made mental health worse happier alone dog car go anything stopped taking medication drinking heavily done year really took last ativan today thing keeping going deep end doubt psychiatrist prescribe seems like end me think people suicide lifes purpose feel like finally becoming content that cannot even talk like openly therapist psychiatrist fear committed know self know lie get drive killing myself understand people thought loved want hurt badly guess bad karma done something deserve feel like nature telling time die expect one respond even read this one cry help