thinking itmy dad suffered bipolar depression committed redflag last july moms current boyfriend coming house since day dads death since moved in clearly cheating him blame mother dads death currently broke im scrambling find job help pay school gas found take year away school appeal dismissal failed classes slept almost week really bad nightmares killing everyone love left alone wake cuts wrists remember doing today started panic attack tried find psychologist start seeing week schools health dept answer tried finding offices area closed today felt need see psychologist today find single place also insurance money pay expensive first visit chatted redflag hotline online asked find reasonably priced place area did called closed day started panicking again got car drove boyfriend called yelled get back home state drive like he saw wrist thinks purpose lying bed wondering take many sleeping pills tonight exhausted physically mentally feel like purpose importance wish alone right now