need advice pleasethis fourth time rewriting this sorry gets long wrote notes two best friends gorgeous kind person whos totally selfless everyone loves her person always makes feel valid laugh relate many levels whos proud cant help proud too older brother relies fix problems guilty conscious thinks hes bad favorite cousin whos like sister want books little cousin love much shes little buddy ill miss lot also childhood best friend feel like even though relationship point pretty one sided still write parents principal im close her want let know wasnt bullied wasnt anyone school kind kids school bullying dont really acknowledge anymore im never anyones first choice even best friends best friends love know better me sucks started rambling sorry im also writing one therapist say fault shouldnt feel like couldve helped me didnt give chance to doesnt think im suicidal anymore doesnt know started cutting again first met started clean streak seven months relasped feel worthless that among things shell tell mom open things right talk loneliness depression anxiety shes bringing papers hospital next session making friends try help me shes trying best guess asking write parents plan sometime november need done soon focus things then want hadnwritten even though typing way faster easier theyll feel like part guess anyone tips say thanks anyone reads this though assume itll get buried one talk im trying here im sorry long