wasted whole life hoping things change im back square one know do know long please readi see anything rules age restriction im sorry age makes uncomfortable im going state name want people going personal life trying contact social media etc im female  need relevant advice im supposed even worth fighting life anymore born mother met ill call biological father bf know looks weird mom states manipulative mentallyverbally abusive let friends barely let get job got really bad meth refused use protection let get birth control think get it mother even know stayed conceived two sons another man allowed see go town visit with assume brothers lost custody not fault want anymore children became pregnant none me bf took get tests whatever make sure kid make sure actually pregnant see would even chance born live long story short tried convince get abortion strewn drugs nearly financially stable enough support baby quite frankly wish born night found pregnant went moms house drank alot thought do low behold decided keep leave bf met ill call step dad  sd decided hell one raise her horrible bipolar disorder suicidal strewn sorts drugs physically violent abusive remember distinctively one time tried kill me chased hallway huge kitchen knife fell onto floor bedroom held inch away face around   told acted would put face mentioned several years later said and promise mother stayed sd put life danger  years would always go back fight apologize left moved one best friends thats probably best life ever ever be apartment shortly christmas met ill call step dad  sd nice friendly first family friends things quickly switched around made see really was theres list things could type help understand tearing head childhood stuffed animal since  stole quarters book fair would throw across room in way told stop pussy grow pair tried tell bullied beat school cheated mom ex wife saying things like no one makes cum like do talking women would meet craigslist would constantly belittle me friends mom insult intelligence told friend tried take life slitting wrists swallowing bunch pills said she attention reason to good life would also tell things like deserve happiness im allowed cry feel sad angry beginning  years forced life  years begged mom leave him  years endured mental abuse brainwash first time wanted kill myself redflag introduced social media news books wanted everything end felt unwanted felt like everyone me eventually left sd found messages moms phone wanting move leave basically kicked us out went move grannie moms mom thought everything would finally okay everything would much better couple weeks new school went started issue small school new kid automatically rumors me long people started calling stds spitting football games getting trouble things do things home great grannie kept verbally abusing telling want there flipping off telling everything fault wanted worse sd everything kept getting worse worse eventually tried take life school bathroom overdosing hydrocodone whatever grabbed moms prescriptions went hospital im exactly sure happened brought back summer mom found new house us move deal grannie either went new school bad much better home much better landlord got botched surgery put nursing home selling ranch lived kicked us out mom try new home told wed move back grannie id go back school tried commit redflag in told hell convinced let move uncle cousin month home life even better school absolutely amazing soooososososo great cousin kicked got frozen yogurt without telling freaked out im back here grannie mom first night mom fought admitted inconvenience burden her im told live close enough school went mom moved here ill go one overdosed in ive fighting life telling everything happens reason keep hoping things work obviously never im back here people hell hole get first swear im offing myself im going beaten humiliated maybe even shanked students im back know mom let timeline events happen know deserve this want die im tired worrying told found go school id gash wrists throat open want that need help need answers need something please help