sure right subredditi apologize poor explainerorganizer things advance anyways idea start post like jumping right it fantasizing redflag past couple months ill get later first let state think would actually ever act thoughts think id balls too like idea putting people close traumatic experience im much coward live life like idea ending depression pointless life suicidal thoughts well guess attributed depression which turn attributed inability make decisions failure appreciative successful yr old male attending well respected university east coast however idea want life turn makes feel like failure currently second semester college idea to far ive managed waste k parents money what discover want job major chosen feel like deserve opportunities given parents individuals throughout life knowing want life makes hard motivate work classes turn leads poorly classes turn leads becoming depressed situation depressed makes even difficult motivate work basically guess im somewhat trapped nonstop cycle afraid im going fail calc  exam basically going set back whole year college major pursuing due fact calc  pre req lot courses going sound little clich ripping movie easiest way explain way feel seen office space understand easily part movie office space main character basically says could whatever wanted job would nothing pains say it feel could anything life would nothing well actually nothing bit deceiving let rephrase would whatever wanted do view life makes feel like shit know never able live way unless win lottery something another reason feel like failure closest friendsfamily around went college knowing exactly want finished either  years under brother computer scientistprogrammer finished college career semester early even job already juicy salary best friend also friend finished school early well also job friends attending institution go also lives well line one getting ready graduate two others well way promising careers basically im surrounded successful people polar opposite myself know want do getting jobs it seem found meaningpurpose life little old sitting pretending know want parents see lazy ungrateful piece shit really want talk someone im afraid theyll think im crazy person throw psych ward shit fuck that really know im posting this guess part get things chest also maybe get suggestions do suggestions do means voice them