want kill decided kill next week so past two years depressed wanted kill havent it life shit low self esteem scared go outside someone know might recognise me hardly talk half words mumbles even understand voice quiet still hardly understand me grades gone shit feeling even try assignment fail anyways parents also care things brought lot things mum acted cared night went back nothing wrong dad couldnt care less never want anything busy work something else ignore me big brother drug addict parents pour attention into blatantly treat higher knew everything decided take ski trip try discipline witch obviously didnt work wanted suit year ten formal say got him decided wanted bed got day feel dont care trying sugar coat anymore meanwhile asked pc christmas would pay give gifts year mum said yes expressed concern whether would get promised would meanwhile two days new years still word it make feel unwanted money problem dad got porsche  last year getting another car soon parents always latest things meanwhile outdated budget things two people actually care little brother family cat ones somewhat care shows dont want kill dont want cat come favourite follows everywhere sad  writing making realise pathetic life actually  dont want fell to name james phillips live sydney australia need help please