dont know copehi im really sure start ive contemplating idea redflag while  years now im much coward recently urge getting stronger stronger lack close friends open ive never actually told anyone would feel bad did every day wish wouldnt wake cry nights due reject school home since parents refuse give attention pleasure life currently ramadan im struggling living due fasting im  weigh kg parents dont care say good me refuse eat take anger food recently ive eating less less making hate body more ive also recently gotten government issued student loan mum wants im trusted im  one thing ive looking forward month since bit shopping myself today shes said doesnt get end week ill start paying rent start paying food get im also muslim cursed sexuality problems dont know caused thing ive living entire life lie cant tell anyone since friends publicly made known dont accept lgbt people wouldnt friends idk change feelings towards genders main thing thats holding ending able see happy family would be dont think like me life right hard deal im starved sorry posting unserious enough wanted let people know bit soon maybe die