im killing september th even though im scared diei feel like im always scared kill myself ive always wanted die hands know changed mind partway id able stop it id able cut rope call ambulance puke whatever ive taken jumped bridge stepped front car would changing mind stopping dying thats scares me permanence it even though want die badly know death forever feel like can want die want dead im terrified permanent bad decision made drunk tired think thats set redflag date gives time change mind plan things way save things go pear shaped change mind im killing myself im much coward actually die make sense sound stupid