im running ways convince life worth fighting fori know say anymore anyone come conclusion cant fix mind life clear option go terms watch one closest people die painfully cancer two years ago diagnosed early stages young cant seem get insurance matter hard try last year including fact diagnosed bipolar last year stay psych ward longer afford medication finally helping longer insurance able hold job  months time eventually lose mind start panic attacks work even manage drag in noticeable usually get reprimanded point emotional sad threatened losing hours causing hate even quickly get much worse point stop showing thinking better without me currently second month staying mother found cameras set house recording my roommate apparently thought decided make sure cheat else go hoping would short stay knowing abysmal credit going need substantially increase savings cover moves plus things left behind forced recent job tried proactive talk manager things trouble tension staff involving me starting make able preform job solution public discussion course bringing situation found new shit job fuck got get place live right day start work get text saying grandfather died needless say fucked job up mom want badly relationship head thought made much progress believe hate needing ask help i mean hate lot but pretty disgusted me mean disgusted myself think fix it get car accident insurance company total car decide damages greater car worth same