wish cared mommom killed would cry yourself would cry knowing pain in would cry knowing id never paint portrait again mom knew going kill myself would stop me even knowing easy would lock closet straitjacket physically unable harm would actually put time heal mind even knowing long would take even knowing fucked am even knowing feel pain understand help think anyone world would me understand sometimes im depressed im holding knife wish could call mother comforted wish mother wish mother cared child wish live wish cared whether lived died too