unsure doi necessarily suicidal however dark thoughts late past indication thoughts permanent solution may start pop head again know talk to two closest friends listen unsure tell me cannot go family job causes quite bit stress grief many tasks complete single day numerous people count lot pressure succeed despite decent do sometimes would like simply disappear however job pays better places around many choices live rural town real opportunities hours away finances leave second source stress school work fulltime take classes fulltime they online try best balance two graduate year half bachelors ideally would like get job field home life greatest husband separating still live together financially support other situation changing complicate matters mom also lives us gave place escape leaving awful situation ive let live without asking pay bills worries three bills it sometimes feels like mistake gets terribly upset small issues today threw massive fit cable anymore cannot watch football get tired blamed stupid shit come home work tiny bit free time want sit spend getting screamed at lease stupid know cant simply kick mom maybe im simply wuss im cut this ive lot hurt life ive told im still quite young only  theres look forward to working like used to sense dread every morning wake up im happy things used make happy longer make happy know im depressed cannot think way get situation thats even possible know make best this way young feel hopeless life