suicidal thoughts calm scaryi pretty much joined reddit came straight really need let something out used suicidal urges lot ive attempted before used mind chaos pain redflag way escape panic desperation last months different ive contemplated life really deeply keep coming conclusion mother dog passes best thing die know want die days do days dont spend maybe hour two day bad days actively thinking killing myself panic seems like cold logic though attempted scares attempts know fight mind rational even know anymore know im suicidal part wants live want live part suicidal even know hope get this guess hope getting help idk