wanting give upim sure talk this cant talk anyone im close struggle talking therapist thought strangers ill never meet last year november exhusband forced bed raped fist one week later kidnapped drove mountain beat me charged kidnapping da talking letting probation feel like failing everything im afraid go anywhere fear ill run someone family comes money bond lost career struggling support two children blame happened abusive marriage seen coming always confident life im   pounds good shape made lot accomplishments  none stuff feels good enough feel ugly worthless smart enough afraid everything everyone meet nights im trying go sleep think hanging myself want life back way cant ever get want live all