im trying tonighti let live once extra time living showed living worth it care anymore still gotten better school fact ive gotten worse cant focus think hurt people classes halls ive previously wronged im failure well  classes instead one now come home homework fall asleep stress wake go back school saturday waste life sunday im dragged church im unintentionally berated am waste rest day physically able concentrate homework im overloaded im burnt out cant tutoring im scared talk teachers either like get mad know content ill never able meet goal pet fox one fucking thing could possibly give life meaning even id suck it pass college cant get easily fail high school im stupid college point want to cant get job lazy ive gotten want stay parents burden down cant take five years school everything seems broken sexuality work ethic speech way look way think memory hearing eyesight everything nobody ever expressed interest me one case someone has turned away stupid impulsive assholish side myself cant talk professional cant fix situation medicate lie situation care leave theyll get it letting suffer people might get sad most people school probably get disappointed best finally end seems selfish part me im getting put meds want blind drugs hellish situation im living in parents get real care apparently real therapists christian enough many reasons im stupid remember right now im tired im trying new version last time likely real time even know im posting im set this end miserable cycle soon im lost cause id rather pass away radar everyone forgets ever existed im sorry make sense forgot something im god awful writer  cst im it  hours left goodbye