feel completely lifelessive felt way couple years now hardly feel real emotion put happy face throughout day want nothing break get home cant thing keeps happy skateboarding girl loved last  years life seeing totally dropped life feel left nothing im start second year college royally fucked first year im pretty much retaking classes get kicked ive academic probation since first semester course parents know make seem everything great ill never able hold steady job life know fact ill either able find job within skateboarding industry stuck working pathetic job rest useless existence tip iceberg terrible person am could go day terrible things done huge disappointment parents generally worthless am im ready end all ive thought rational irrational times decided whats best me world around leaving make space someone succeed wont want die pill bottle could demise mere feet away calling possibly night end bullshit