finally ready dieive depressed long time ever since never truly happy suffering due ugliness unforgivingness idiocy hatred family country two days ago straw broke camels back mom one people truly believed believed me told failure never amount anything always trying latch bit hope miserable life trying best stay alive hoping happy ending trying find someonesomething live foror maybe finally able love someone curious phenomenon wait see through give life meaning rather let stay pain is sure possible anymore every day ask life ever going become worthwhile going matter long run worth embarrassmentthe tearsthe painand work maybe one mistake could ruin endured knowing knowing much idiot be knowing even defending believe could get worst situation one live right now due much more sure life never going liveable never mind good ever matter matter hard try always broken unrepairable guess good bye cruel world