want tell someone want tell anyone know ive ready kill thought way  times now ive never felt alone depressedi shitty childhood depressedanxious teen time im  feel like ever going get better friends im open relationship girl feel connected anyone really much family years just grandmother started new job seem distract like work used to im tired ive never afraid death pain failure could find instead cant time now ive never wanted alive feel loved connected anyone life baseline rock bottom anything better feels like much effort not