 years depersonalizationderealisation depression suicidal thoughts gotten better hate know ever like again become robot cannot even talk look family members eyes friends understand dpdr side hurts opened two people friends one said thought bad asked imagining going decide future now going college month pick job all antidepressants working gotten fat cannot even care reason live would family pain grateful family loves even though love eachother even deserve love hate past mistakes believe ever deserve love happiness sometimes think death easy way think maybe living suffering would better punishment me idk life hard slept day today even energy socialize anymore never really forced cannot even that think old friends think rude like even true one even takes seriously anyway joke group think stupid laugh nod gets awkward never say actually want to whatever though really want live happy life forgive know impossible relief