sure doi used go ivy league school last winter really tough time wanted kill myself decided ask help much faith psychiatric process hoping someone would able give reason get day reason something rather nothing much surprise put mental hospital thrown school sent home  week prescription antidepressant told could reapply future reapplied current term rejected apparently think need time recover even though bother talk doctor home give warning might reaccepted week beginning fall semester sorry tedious background story wanted provide context question keep trying try hard eke existence pretty much every day fucking miserable ive spent long time therapy ive probably taken half dozen different antidepressants times life ive felt even slightest hope future result massive delusions possibleplausible ive ever felt slightly happy influence terribly unrealistic dreams idea do keep trying go admissions process former college find new university might accept transfer next couple months probably go find job why go effort exactly end goal im working towards sorry tedious selfindulgent rant seriously idea do