feeling suicidali accidentally killed pet budgie happened right front traumatic still haunts me kicking died pain fault scene still haunts day sometimes dream it cried  days row also started skipping classes afterwards exams basically failing college also social anxiety pretty much friends spend time alone pretty sad boring ive going depression shit nearly two months now entire family also pretty much hates treats like shit still living big failure one really cares me life pretty lonely boring friends life future feel tired feel like done life wanna rest ive thinking drinking pills around house even effect weak theyll probably cause kidneys fail