want careever since little felt anxious never really problem now sixteen boyfriend felt happy really cared him showed like adventurous things started going hill one day quarterback football team something bad me one believed said did prove anything ended spiraling depression boyfriends seemed getting abusive break him started sending pictures cutting saying going kill himself made everything worse tried killing myself ended surviving put hospital months thought could leave parents moved towns word spread around town nothing ever same feel like passion like care anything started talking quarterback felt like needed forgive order move on wanted use again feel like point living want die reason kill want parents deal dead daughter im eighteen now tried tinder wanted allow happy again meet lot people ive really promiscuous like all met nice boy says cares tries help afraid cant give wants deserves better someone care him knows issues tries help me met yesterday cuddled told felt happy still feel anything manic episodes cut everyone off ive tried therapy medication seem work parents always annoying me want normal want alive anymore