severe depression taken away live mit hard believe actually happening again dwelled event throughout summer  fall  im getting set extremely negative thoughts cant anything about event certain date spring  still  years old almost yearandahalf later  years old still uncontrollable unwanted ruminating dwelling thoughts event cannot control odds event happening luck equivalent rolling snake eyes dice   times row beyond ridiculously poor luck event ruminating long fucking  unwanted uncontrollable thoughts coming back sober sober depressed strong die weak live im great deal pain agony mentally cannot single thing it