nobody talk feel deadi know im posting this anybody life talk maybe want someone acknowledge existence maybe sounds weird maybe not feel like talking someone anonymously online genuine person face face person pretend care acknowledge you ive drug problem years ive clean number months now everyone says slowly gets better ive slowly getting worse seem worst luck past years even im clean ironically enough cant speak parents friends fault left college year getting degree failing classes wake feeling terrible hopeless tired gets worse throughout day therapist likes talk  minutes hour session cant change right now money im interviewing job looks promising im worried im afraid ill mess up ive felt like years years starting using drugs even cant foresee getting better every day feel like ive zombie autopilot majority last decade even nobody responds wanted type ive never said feel really terrible right now