motivation live anymorei depression since  taken medication since currently  generally ive okay since then occasion relapses however major relapse started back january shown little signs improvements months depressed motivation get bed go outside stopped enjoying use find fun goals future seem pointless starting see psychiatrist therapist adjustments medications since january seen improvements symptoms realized  finally buy gun access one really thing stopped sometimes past killing myself gun store street live considering go get one kill awhile might go tomorrow morning motivation live part want die wants help