hi all think might verge suicide feel like run options live country free medical care i cancelled private insurance public hospitals frightening thing ever here i live rd world country go public facility get abusedmistreated etci started taking antidepressants years ago redflag partner wanted doctor bad redflag since kid broke up found hard stop taking meds got terrible withdrawals eventually side effects got bad i went psychiatrist tried various antidepressants got worse worse decided quit taking last september withdrawals crazy felt super depressed stopping even though tapered months ago still struggling booked rehabsuper expensive dealt coming psychiatric medication worst idea ever middle nowhere put hardcore drug addicts cldnt leave plus semicultish scariest experience ever since leaving still problems withdrawal plus traumatized terrible sensations body result totally screwed knw anyway cannot anymore tried reaching family really helping type pretty much since kid ie parent surprised even made fari written goodbye note bought gear decided going hike middle nowhere die unfortunately country social security feel shitty cannot possibly hold job plus country get basic job like working mcdonalds pretty much living shack dire poverty pays way little survive savings decided little me lost carry fighting case realised actually make difference peoples lives instead wasting mine enough build house friend nepal enough send girl rural india school look needs graduates enough donate religious organization something substantial feel spend taking away cld give someone else also tired feel like get better feel completely alone isolated used social lately withdrawn really think it biggest fear becoming ghost praying alot feel hopeless think got another day two left me tried withdrawal money today cld donate told got hr lock savings wait that pray next life things better tried live good life really always tried live morallyso open suggestions feels like though would previously thought suicide never come far plan everything decide moneys going die etc also left apartment staying hotel close mountains cut worldthanks advance  pretty sure end advice