theres gotta living this righti feel caught endless cycle abandonment self pity im tired it months back realized really friends sure people get along with sports helped feel like kid gets picked last dodgeball time feel used friends cant recall many times ive hosted lent money invited paid back father treated like shit years watched raise cousin place wonders difficult time connecting one bright spot life girlfriend broke  weeks ago said unhappy really thought best go separate ways much want to going hold hostage messy breakup text refused even near since ceased contact me unfriended different platforms deleted old posts me everything good week before wed highschool together talked futures together cant help wonder change mind suddenly ill never know respond me told parents mom asked screw up comfort nothing sort wrong dad made lame ass remark told beginning went spiralling days nobody me even two closest friends said sorry bud feel alone world many responsibilities uphold made choice college yet clue want now got drunk guys thursday probably ive felt like while dad finds threatens kick out point im unmotivated anything drag work every day what money nonexistent couple months sold car buy new one enough money cover late expenses spent day hiking alone calling people thought friends asking lives going  people called couple asked was finished redflag letter im afraid read over whats point hour wont