hate myselfive dealing suicidal thoughts about years now started family dads side started dying first grandpa dad greatgrandmother moms dad grandfatherlist goes onall extremely close dad bairly got know besides fact loved time got see casket funerali dealt bullying people colorado elementry school middle school one elm trying get expelled fake hurting him middle school worse kids harrasing day hitting me calling names making fun long hair im male cheyenne whats worse teachers principal condoned itim joking let happen finally leaving woodland park middle school spent freshmen year online school alone heard moms dad gotten cancer mom dropped everything stopped working come help moving us small cabin woods loved home dad got us rent back colorado got massachusetts via driving flying took care grandmother grandfather got several cases melanoma lung cancer half lung pace maker s valentines day  years ago died cause hospitals staff overdosed steroids cause paying attention take care wife mentally ill due past issues insufferable ways ive little friends life taken away via bullies back school hang me part feels like people hate me hate meive never relationship cause this almost one girlfriend could meet since met online got brain cancerand last least im un employed tried joining several jobs ever got one aweful sum one worst things getting beaten patrons getting bathroom food regular break pm am shift local farm event dressed costume halloween life hell ive never gotten happy ive plauged suicidal thoughts day day out dont wanna act them but like tortureto hate feel people hate feel worthless cant find kind way make life better