social anxiety redflagi want kill never felt close anyone life come notsodecent family life filled drugs abuse history mental illness developed extreme social anxiety top everything else diagnosed with never felt true human connection closeness growing family felt like bunch strangers me even house none us ever spoke other could go easily week without uttering word eachother moved back home drug issues school think killing family myself social anxiety causing suicidal homicidal ideation slit wrists neck daily day stole one fathers guns loaded it held throat ended shooting open window want disappear get away family live normal life becoming aware possible cant live normal life middleclass job husband kids fucking suburban neighborhood even capable speaking another human without wanting murder myself really want give up whats point going forward therapy shit medication shit mental hospital shit nothing really helps