sitting car lunch thinking situation right now point life lot people hate living expectations someone thought friend cut life likes  even though dropped lot things normally happy trying find place live wish say happy not feel empty eating properly id one small meal day redflag gets higher higher passing thoughts would happen died right would friend  ex friend  carei cried sleep horrible nightmares felt like burden nuisance past month able want work ill disturb everyone sleeping feel like everyone elses life would better disappeared feel right now want feel like do know okay think like that trying talk counselor work called back yetin honesty want curl bed cry real friend crawl bed cuddle cry hurts even thinking that know going happen time sooni know everyone around going lot too would ask feel like burden distancing everyone cannot tell getting better getting worse too want loved point held wish happier