ive said before want kill ive never able admit now always used say want disappear turn invisible ive come terms suicidal thoughts want go detail situation hate life love friends family besides that hate everything it ever since diagnosed high functioning autism fourteen felt like deserve live since im worthless unintelligent retarded much more additionally ive heard people say autistic people deserve live lives started cant anything etc even diagnosed autism dealt isolation middlehigh school isolated long began feeling crazy strangest things like playing insects even though  used always sit small corner lunch recess sometimes used cry people never cared since teacher told cant make friends anything tried joining three groups school ghosted rd day hanging them felt boring uninteresting like fault one wants friend used three friends current school unfortunately left one went another school went tafe still friend school really great come school often sadly think thats enough reason live really know else say want ask something go ahead guess