thing holding back happen dieim afraid death redflag thing holding back happen jump punished taking life god like sleeping ive thinking months still cant settle answer reason live parents terrible figures traumatized since born dad delusional raging alcoholic jumps opportunity break dishes humiliate us eyes neighbors one time brought bottle superglue aampc project accused mother poisoning food it mother submissive overdramatic woman may sound unfair mother seeing victim side parent fight begging pleading forgiveness bawling eyes verbally assaulted one traumatizing sights think of given school social life too friends talk anyone even though grades pretty good since abandoned group friends online friends shared lot issues even though extremely loyal great friends snapped once said sorts things cant bring face anymore even im sure theyll take back instantly get mad anyone tries talk  seconds im frustrated lack emotion constant anger occasional sadness know english my th language far better mother tongue ever talked aforementioned group friends never compatriots meaningful future due abysmal social skills know kind replies want post im really posting vent thank reading