nearly killed day im glad didntthis painful still pain better was know im going okay ampxb came yearslong emotionally avoidant selfsabotage campaign come close greatest fear realized hands id successfully ruined best thing ever happened me pushed woman dreams away much shed enough coming back manifested greatest fear rejected left alone nobody blame myself fullblown panic attack total meltdown wanted end life straight up either going jump bridge take couple valium cut open arm drift away pain knowing caused demise pain knowing id deliberately let wonderful person go misery put last years super condensed returnedtosender straight heart was word unbearable truly ampxb humbling know powerful be willed would ruin life relationship that im done that im choosing goodness love happiness muster once truly believe deserve it ive forgiven pain ive inflicted onto onto me ready person already am best version myself im sure end sharing with hope is im opening whatever might come next ampxb im glad hurt myself im sad got point