really want itso imma completely honest im  years old im shy person always struggled friends currently like  friends really hang lot almost  years ago met awesome girl made change way looked life made happy made feel like something else live for first person ive ever loved person truly understood me shes gone several trust issues low self esteem us made us fight lot still love im sure still loves tries convince shes better without me felt sad almost every day never really tried kill still wanted it ive become dependent person literally need feel ok without want kill feel sad overall already tried oding substances didnt work good like life without her perfect me