spirals keep getting worse  hopei keep falling intense depressive spirals  lead emotional outbursts make situation worse wife probably going leave cant deal that fallout pornsex addiction helped much either im boring deadend job pays well put geographically somewhere ive wanted years  live ocean away close friends im still nowhere musical dreams  beginning think never keep screwing everything up ive medication therapy keep falling apart  keep losing cool putting marraige gutter leads feeling hopeless know family cares im tired calling worry  theres nothing do thinking would losing effectiveness stopping committing redflag im sure anymore know theres future me im trouble feeling  beginning think going filled disappointing im broken advice