im ideation againive depressed usual ive thoughts redflag last days feel like display im hurting people care cant let bother them feel like act way call help make vulnerable theyd think im attention seeking know people already think im pathetic empathy compassion agony in feel like committed redflag people would finally know hurt ive been would prove coward really hurt pushed past limit maybe theyd respect following through want people hurt care impact theyve had theyll think im disgusting matter what much want it cant would crush mom dog love depends me im scared forfeit life even much pain causes sometimes wish people really understood level pain going through wish people could see much impact weighing me wish people took seriously wish people hurt would finally understand wounded left me one leave ever attempted ive also thought ending life beating punch could abandon me maybe one day theyll understand