give signim honestly considering ending tonight never felt alone entire life lost nan month half ago amp grief unbearable nan best friend love much ive always said ever passed would kill wasnt expecting soon im trying stay strong grandad really dont think this im trying positive abt future think nan isnt it feel trapped inside head amp feel way escape end it ive suicidal amp way got better support nan gave n shes cant deal it want die badly amp doubt ill even see nan thought nothingness eternity calming think it even dont see again ashes could put near nans ashes would world im sick tired now reasons wanting end thats main one idk dont even know im looking amp dont want like nan wouldnt want bc shes shell never know god sound selfish want die none friends family seem care ive dropping hints since may amp ive said outright multiple times whats point continuing existing dont want anymore one seems care whether live die