tried od xanax alcohol wednesday lost minimum wage jobi got fired pizza place counting drawer slowly going slowly counted drawer two years working well paying stressful call center job eventually quit mental health reasons previously one said anything pace work pizza place fact complemented customers speed even given tip taking pizza dining area customary business attempt guess say impulsive part really needed pizza job source income right search engine evaluator working home organization work doles hours sparsely standards difficult understand even harder meet everything pay employees arrived home angry fired room mate works home representative call center quit back march snaps going stairs loudly so shout back him person ive known almost  years never argument with and best described acting without thinking took xanax room probably   pills ran liquor store there got sort fruit flavored vodka cooler downed fast can friend come pick drive house show supposed play memorys bit hazy point got eveyone got clued happening let lay couch people checked breathing next thing remember waking couch next day people seemed glad ok guess obviously play going first show new project mine let lot people down saw therapist friday morning really wanted hospitalize me refused thought worst passed hospitalization would waste time make financial issues worse immediately therapy went pick check job incident manager fired me something im proud never happened before im supposed see therapist monday im trying get psychiatrists appointment moved up therapist recommended increasing lexapro dose guess ive survived redflag attempt now little physical harm consider lucky feel scared guilty intense depression ive experienced since ive meds