life always nightmarei know people worse thinking help though im diagnosed gender dysphoria had tranny top this hopes transitioning ive diagnosed chronic depression since barely twelve im almost  now ptsd mom drug addict name common street drug tried it also alcoholic badly mentally ill drugs alcohol since  whatever base mental illness made hundreds times worse sure has definitely suffers psychosis delusions also abused me yaya surprise there emotional physical excuse bruises falling every day school stereotypical tell elementary school kid me dad really around stop stayed away around other fought constantly always got physically violent other one day took us abuse shelter highly manipulative everyone convinced abuser her including me living fucking horrible way im ever abused again id rather die go one places lost custody siblings  yeah thats best estimate hardly think straight hates guts course know dad cares me cared enough basic things like take dentist take doctor go hospital several times throughout life breathing recent doctors ive seen said need see pediatrician get checked asthma care enough make appointment that severe attack really know asthma panic attack ive never panic attack bad kept breathing bad enough hands feet numb chest hurt badly strain two days could care less thats one example mention sister thats years younger acts exactly like mom does extremely abusive destructive tried ruin lives multiple times get way constantly steals things barely clothes right taken nearly them sake family fight it course much worse happened this thats really for reading want kill myself recently ive going sisters amazing escape able go corona chance stay there soon want move bad cant cant leave dog even asked dad could keep days could take back others said no feel trapped thousandth time life might kill myself cant take living here cant handle mental state anymore ive attempted before need courage try again