dont know stay suicidal girlfriend throw away obvious reasons amita deleted post need help  hello reddit native english speaker really really exhausted apologize bad english advance ampxb go met girlfriend  years ago online chat room became best friends depressivesuicidal thoughts minor self harms finally met first time real life perfect fell love sure love care could fix problems  enough long distance relationship mother really care her father lot temper grandmother hit lot child downs ampxb depression get better started get me every single time left house something would happen felt lonley argument mother asked time would coming back call her eventually stopped going partys dampd sessions wanted talk her tell feel complete break down started scratch arms hard got scared forced hands fingernails arms prevent worst damage gave night eventually came back weeks later told much love her wanted help feeling burnt out told wanted see psychologist love her want feel happy dont want relationship end offered help find one help make appointments said late one could help asshole telling insane broke heart depressive episodes got really bad often said things implied going commit redflag day far future tried cheer up comfort went away one time actually begged knees crying get help begged see professional said no  kinda  gave  eventually started things again went friends houses played bit dampd again everytime super sad even fight afterwards told many times things helps sleep way stop fears etc stayed home sometimes helped like used do decided leave alone end even threatened arguments one day would kill  would fault stupid things maybe even said hurtful things  croseed line crossed multiple times much happend much could ever right down ampxb cant anymore  tired dont think love like used to want stay friend want help dont think stay boyfriend much longer hate thinking asking another girl univerty 