brother attempted redflag last night sobering moment mei sleeping mom woke around  am brother lying sideways room blueish green vomit carpet mom asked do first thought weird drug mixed juul sniffed vomit smelled like cleaning product said mom need call  lady line kind empathetic gave details situation shaking inside felt heart pound fast brother good terms often incites domestic violence me knew depressed extent yesterday night saw kitchen knife hallway floor peeked room expression world looked far away despite like physically  feet me thoughts redflag daily too never courage attempt honest feel really empty inside feels like wake call me get life together im also worried brother course possible permanent damage itll cause covid one person allowed per patient mom hospital visiting im waiting car now dont know feel keep thinking bad things keep happening amidst quarantine doesnt help weather cold dreary