im going kill drag everyone else meive sliding depression god knows many years now ive really noticed sought kind help least took effort remedy within past two years none helped  therapists  medications improving lifestyle friends girlfriend getting better job moving out basically achieved everything wanted age still spend  hours work fantasizing redflag past weekend saw new therapist said cant help im unwilling put work in well im not ive got enough plate already support system doesnt seem help either im starting find people annoy me even ones used like theyre still helping me whether true empathy dont want take care hit rock bottom bother going work want get better want participate shitty life daily grind punctuated occasional bits fun everyone laughs say real goal work honestly thats condition stay alive cant another  years this im already worse year ago started job moved out also every time get short lived motivation fix things people assume im normal expect fix everything ive broken life cant run gauntlet ever increasing amounts misery work scary standing next proverbial edge is think day im waiting rest good filter life finally end it hopefully people dont invest much time money energy keeping current shell human alive much longer