fighting really hardi recently started college got first job ever startedi pretty happy once excited even sudden things started get real quick struggling push thoughts ending away thoughts life even attempted kid times several attempts dosing sh past couple years i  now going pretty well nothing invasive pretty happy however school stressing since lot sudden keep trying perfect grades done well keeping stress tears since want good student struggling high school due manic depression taking life over keep trying happy time since parents hospital lately in cases life threatening health issues keeps making feel like would better life over part wants live keep going keeps constantly thinking ways die cant go day without considering wanting car hit working something even financial problems rising refuse tell parents struggling money especially give good amount make bills gas want know little rn irresponsible me cant help lie say okay hate people worrying me even missed assignment yesterday apparently caused snap stressed cannot let show it even starting hate major hate days off hating parts life probably making much sense tldr put position extremely stressed making consider killing working hard get better idk go help