day the thoughts staple life sense urgency safety blanket always ticket things got rough life sob story anyone elses sub different fell ill tweens struggeling mentally somewhat physically aftermath ever since breakupcheating scenario first love sent spiral never recovered thats really crux boil down without going much detail left everything behind year ago moved half planet away took steps improve life which others seemed successful one try happy worked better could ever expected ive best year life women seem like me im definitly far removed  fitish good sense humor appear confident tho ive never able get anything run away made decision try put there recently lead getting gf second girl ive ever kissed first time  years loved thought could possible happy genuinly happy guy really bad thoughts needless say pan out loves needs time figure out its you me lets friends first anxiety attacks life ensued next day fall ill aforementioned illness again anxiety meds made high kite fun chemo followed chrused whatever left me  months breakup im still crippling mental pain tried rebound thing made worse feel ive cheated girl want me pathetic life now people think successful alpha ive told ive people looking guidance leadership adult life im guessing stems the apparently well constructed fasade ive built years high iq think helps fake well enough people respect like me people would say live pretty kickass life im sitting pot money penthouse apartment place could described paradise saying blind leading blind comes mind comical think it know ha hafunny given up far much hurt far long feels incredibly unfair tired fear unable take much more ive started list computer desktop things make life worth living fucking scares short is am thoughts gotten specific ive never close  theres cliff name it hope able muster courage definitly cant go more thank taking time read jibberish better person am th day suicidal thoughts