hello everyonei rarely post reddit buti nowhere else go talked selected friends inputs important would like warn everyone may religious talks depressionyeahlike thati bestfriend  years year getting married love life genuinely happy her really am story bestfriend got engaged last january  currently living united kingdom wonderful job loving fiance engagement told us closest friends family wed next year july  really ecstatic hearing wonderful news last settle create family own told wants bestfriend wedding three bestfriends since high school got fired save lot money plane ticket pocket money special day since live asia cost go uk cost lot since salary like x lower people earn western countriesampxbtil one time suddenly asked could ask uncle priest cohabitation sin asked like why told fiance wants live together living separate houses traveling back forth every weekend tiring them told want live together without tying knot yet big deal help save gas transportation allowance go told looking answers admitted abstinence sex many months now felt guilt premarital sex always seeks answers god asking signs that nothing wrong that religious person do know limits saying country god mercy us man doing talked uncle priest asked cohabitation straightly answered that cohabitation sin told bestfriend contemplated it know asking lot people even religious leaders country told nothing wrong want live together still reluctant fighting anxieties matter point raised voice video call told life become shitty karma lived boyfriend  years really big stab heart cried dismiss felt still prioritize know vulnerable am fast forwardi remember announce decided wed year surprised partly disappointed first thing thought never see walking aisle person partly know reason sudden shift short span time understand wants live peace blessing god express surprised am told happy last settling man dreamsthey small wedding year big wedding next year month july but months go on always asks thing why people reaction whenever told decided marry year cannot happy look dissapointed cannot happy me deserve happy always answer her people surprised course told wedding next year sudden change mean happy ever think that know redflag talking deeply understand also one depression redflag many years always put shoes ever bestfriend always asks it answers it fiance getting married us people two create happinessi also answer thing everytime asked it know say anymore asked therapist friends got married it say tell create happiness everyone else know redflag big enemymy bestfriend become anxious months passed point became bitchy patience shortened one point angry bishop responding email even told within  weeks reply it find another one told person get married also plenty couples wants wed pandemic rules schedules changed understand it like is god wantsso weeks decided transfer another parish surprise schedules weddings parish priest told available  weeks time could wed want soon shocked fast is told her there ya go worries finding priest schedule answered me it fast muchthe priest asked venue already catering services photographer others plainly answer no anything yetthe official schedule wedding september  year became anxious understand called wedding jitters still ask thing why people reaction whenever told decided marry year cannot happy look disappointed cannot happy me deserve happy like thatlast friday conversation again told want know truth give answers ready so told possibility people see desperation lack security insecurity something like that remind one time one coworkers commented afraid lose fiance something like that word desperation struck her asked also think our bestfriends name it plainly answered her no another question disappointed announced getting married year tell truth know thinking time told truth bit disappointed like  short time passed it long time ago me focused want walk aisle even volunteered process needed papers countryshe told disappointed expecting me time genuinely happy like fake told not actually felt guilty time want make helping could give even asked bestfriend felt way told position answer behalf told chat friend uk genuinely happy asked could bridesmaid told better take care things alone knowing people genuinely happy rather people helping mewhich pertaining me genuinely happy want justify more answered whatever push further decided let cooldown know redflaged outampxbi contacted bestfriend called talked lot via messenger time talking bestfriend uk teacher country patience kind running out remind redflag talking right know listen even us bestfriend kind admitted said desperation kind struck her somehow thinks true perhapsi decided mute chats messenger need time alone played online games talking different people shift impending redflag happened feel like terrible bestfriend that also dealing lot shit life prioritize wellbeing needs me bestfriend ever talked former boss turned male bestfriend told happened like advice correct point told bestfriend white lie even forced tell truth feel seeks positivity assurance person bestfriend give assurance that learned matter morei worried her snapping lot wedding work well told breathe last time got extremely mad fiance simple comment flowers like who walk aisle bride wedding year next year fiance afraid whenever gets mad waited outside apartment okay bestfriend ignored her made up worry fiance wants know plan admitted really one told two sit talk listen says easily snapat least okay now found beautiful wedding gown really really beautiful still read last message thinking might justify myself even bestfriend also redflaged worried always burst always explodes never cools down shared predicament married friends told wedding redflag normal much balanced things talk couple understand bestfriend wants acceptance wants wedding everyone happy around her wants like thateven told plenty times peoples opinion matter important love otherbutshe still ask questionampxbi really know say feel like bad person telling felt before sorry kind rollercoaster longi really worried hard talk someone closedmind right now thank reading everyone feel like bad person