absolute lowest hate job cannot think straight job want always there want forget play games friends lost love self worth non existent therapist wants go anti depressants drained thinks put fuel fire seem any haunted things want cannot get like decent relationship someone loved hurt me cannot get shit straight scared anti depressants scared depression live family put pain cannot make headway cannot feel good think yes can no cannot worthless scared everythingi feel like treading water delaying inevitable one day time work work work bloody work