one best friends killed himself know handle iti seen year college together always happy kind everyone even people dickheads everyone else single bad bone body ive struggled suicidal thoughts ideation number occasions attempted take life times well suicidal back year  when last made post here ages ago know friend got helped feet found today wednesday monday done it one told me sisters friends brother who told sister told sister me found out now thankfully felt suicidal couple months instead anxiety explosive  repressed anger im right state im angry killing himself still college at ends college fault dealing helping him think im going something bad always thought itd whod commit redflag anyone knew found friend died part wish died instead im speechless numb ive idea funeral taking place im also going ireland holiday friday hopefully give peace mind allow process this someone suicidal numerous times before lose someone redflag last expect it need guidance do