go hospital suicidal ideationsorry typos im mobile feeling well class worst mental health life nearly every day want die see hopeful future myself little problem happens immediately want kill myself thing is dont specific plan ive thought ways would go would nothing set stone also scared go it often want to know wont know one day im tired feeling like this im tired normal social anxiety ocd dont diagnosis mood disorders symptoms lot im going self diagnose hate that ny fault feel like anyway make efforts make feel better  started depressed purpose thought cool thing like fucking idiot even feel like valid know real put situation feel better time try ive tried thinking positive pointless me know thats subconsciously trying depressed cool still isnt cool though im psych student gonna sound stupid dont even reason sad know thats works case feel would anyone even take seriously im scared cant anytime soon anyway exams both redflag voluntary commitment also almost christmas want ruin everyone mom would hate me im adult dont live anywhere near would hate me dont want make live either go protection live brother sil know wouldnt force im scared go even go it im embarrassed tell brother feel thinking id go work one day message them feel like thats asshole move none friends would care ones would wouldnt able visit know would feel wprse like life didnt matter im  live toronto im going therapy even though school offers thats fault cant give enough shit make appointment go dont want family talk it theyll never treat same embarrassing dont want know feel