m depressed becoming suicidal looking friend also miserable possibly suicidalsometimes people driven away cant understand longterm suffering like vantage point understand im offering unconditional friendship try good faith someone caring ear other desire make persons life better possible care funny witty whether like booksshows etc awkward period judging see click state im care much superficial stuff want commit redflag despite life pushing way want feel okay again im m depressed isolated escapism hope things getting better making good progress towards goals decided get surgery improve appearance resulted brain damage im still trying get answers it reduced ability think somewhat please make allowances also seems hit right hurts most messing reward system making physically impossible feel much enjoyment im still searching proper diagnosis possible treatments day day existence bleak future worrisome cant get help this think one things still get satisfaction helping others though