every single night comes back thisi feel like someone never made world never gets better ive depressed eight straight years love partner much love family love dog sometimes connections enough make worth it nothing else  education job right now nothing nothing im even remotely good im anxious wreck cant take risks feel like seem lack intuition drive happiness come easily neurotypical people sat awake every night long remember wishing dead hate inside out hate pathetic am crying write this never bringing loud know burden everyone else