feel like ive tried everything try keep afloathi  year old male here depressed since high school severely depressed since beginning college still think redflag days problem telling things get better always turn wrong things might get better moment moment general way way truly counts always find asking why kill last yearor last month  years ago nothing made want live since ive always felt impending doom future ie insecurities say thats depression gets unreasonably think sure enough currently experiencing doom gradually intense way over years always feared happened everyone telling life gets better ive learned right hate sporadic periods hope end disappointing me hope curse convinces stick around longer ive tried therapy meds talking friends gym sports like build tolerance simply effect anymore know else do