went sleep depressed woke depressedthe first time thought redflag mom whipped across back one day star encrusted belt ive beat really young think around th grade beating sat daze felt like island surrounded unwanted found butter knife room started stabbing lol imagine trying kill self butter knife  anyways fast forward im  everyone thinks im happy wish never born hate loneliness feel everyday every serious relationship  ive cheated never knew dad mom life person really sat said loved sincerely grandmother shes gone im crying hard im going stop forum now yall please pray every week think ending living flesh hate soon think depressions gone comes back hunt much wrong happened want know why cant find somebody love damn sure love never try wrong hurt