lot suicidal thoughts todayim actually diagnosed depression cause dont trust psycologists think need help epilepsy doctor told seek therapy keeps going feel broken  like ive broken inside im starting forget feels like whole parts friend send lot keanu reeves memes promised would write something entertain wait im scared becaused day ive daydreaming dying naturally sleep start reading ways die withouth pain th less pain possible oh mama difficult die want im scared pain scared ending notdead withouth chances trying feel like prolonging buying time one day pain greater fear