ill likely dead soon now next weekits easiest way take pill never wake again ill finally feel sense tranquility again cant remember feeling all cant remember last time genuinely felt peace mind torturing me skinning alive laughing face voices finally gone demons gone ampxb todays date th december near christmas new years close family celebrations love family much know love me deserve feel pain losing son brother kindest souls cant carry living nightmare someone elses happiness im  pain unimaginable scary were quick judge think what whiny fucking teenager please remember never know whats happened end heartache constant hammering already shattered bleeding screaming heart whenever think cant get worse always somehow gets worse how brother leave him fair him cant anymore hurts hurts much ive tried best ive reached limits ive let everyone around destroyed image think turn back anymore ive taken several ritalin pills heart rate keeps jumping    beats per minute im hallucinating seeing glimmers light zoom past eyes hospital last week thing took several ritalin pills causing seizure dislocating shoulder im sitting bed writing arm mental pain hope another seizure leading stuck hospital family crying doctors giving meds writing reports sending municipality social services family done nothing wrong me whats happened last six months recognize myself ampxb im sorry love mom love dad love bro