suicidal bc impulses  controli hate right now hate myself feel suicidal cant deal impulses anymore  whether hurt reckless say something ill regret contact someone past control anymore love people despite time thoughts deal every day causing havoc dont know want emotions results actions  im hurting everyone around parents friends everyones letting go one help feel alone therapy isnt option one help bur gave long time ago dont usually think redflag strongly  usually push it feel like ill always way always confuse people emotions lately  cant even trust ill next  minutes dont know im even supposed earth point  someone please try give reason stay besides basic people love  true dont see light  ive cycle years im still