supposed go todayi everything planned out pills plan comfortable going today here reason done particularly difficult appointment camhs monday admit something planned im bad liar im angry saying something easiest way out essentially rd attempt past month ive admitted hospital twice discharged couple days later come back shitty cycle desperate rest want sleep waking painful knowing get continue live shitty hell life nauseates me ive trying tell therapist im getting worse continue stop telling people actually it get told focus moment im frustrated im falling behind subjects horrible health issues ive last  months aspirations future really want go rest now ive pills taken mean im considering methods maybe soon ill get guts it properly