life redflag attempta week passed since first redflag attempt ive struggling years silence best maintain facade thought finally ending pain relieving moment im still here everything changed terrifying im fearful many things including activities used effortlessly psychiatric hospital attempt three days convincing everyone around okay left still feeling empty wanting live part wants others able see pain im good composing speaking positively convince everyone around opposite real truth feel alone needy feeling hate have im returning work tomorrow far soon sick days terrified possible trigger feel perpetually anxious jittery antidepressants guilty feel much shame surrounding everything never told family major support system dark makes feel lonelier told boyfriend upset worried may affect him everyone always tells honest really mean that find hard believe someone deeply invested well would want hear intimate details demons haunt constant basis