sorryhow people keep going people keep going cant figure out abusive relationship age  fucked up im  still wake screaming ive lost friends nobody believed wanted friends still easier friends pretend like nothing happened admit raped repeatedly controlled years become control eventually give accept thats life situations like that didnt tell anyone  years didnt believe me keep trying okay im college take semesters attempted redflag twice im  now ive therapy  years cant find joy anything used fucking joyful days want hug im isolated everyone used love still love didnt love enough believe me im fucking desperate right now im scattered retraumatized something happened week suicidal every day thing like volume knob thing somedays want others somedays   im checking ceiling fan aware could hold weight days  im smashing things head bleed pain seen outside cant see ptsd way see broken leg people get im hurting time explain i raped hear every night im tired explaining myself taking time school get worse again feel stupid worthless forgettable idk fuck im posting reddit pay therapist call whenever im tired trying convince go inpatient facility would rather die cheaper thats sure