never loved wish guts end iti never get break it born abusive family hated me im adult ive found probably girl would ever deal me girl dreams like everyone else care love me least way would stop immense pain see videos proposals prom questions makes want kill myself  years said tried go prom stupid cunt lesbian friend behind back say no proposal unromantically snatched ring presented said something along lines sure whatevercome find later reason really want it maybe another time then moment seems forever ruined remember whether said not think knows handed ring back probably wouldve ended day so still ring guess were engaged technically cant ever really pop question still one special time made utterly ruined without time machine told night lonely said never really gets lonely general huge fan affection recently told  whether loves significant family member list goes on day day out see lovebirds everywhere live them see about see scrolling reddit happy proposal videos theyre crying joy nobody would ever joy me nobody wants me nobody ever wanted me family anyone else sometimes question god hates too every time see proposal video area chest used light butterflies becomes ever slightly empty numb longest time way id feel butterflies animals stuffed animalsbut slowly withered away too im dead inside wish dead outside ive going deep end recently world may trash nothing go wrong headevery day get stuck even more started talking stuffed animal never leaving bed imagining dates imagining wedding imagining happy life someone finally loves me enough life worth it happiness love always synthetic see changing statistically ever way live life single prolonged death possible outright damage mental anguish leads unhealthy habits slow damage slow pain slow torture slow death inside out lungs pitch black hard breathe cigars cant go day without spanking smoking weed harder things sometimes maybe attempt die every part body sluggish broken cant afford doctor im losing mind post tip iceberg like life hand crafted important details cut heart open dump lemon juice it want world anymore wish guts wrap wire around neck take start passing time awaits afterlifemore torturefor eternity thats fair wish exist wish irresponsible parents used condom got abortion anxiety depression probably autism life life alone makes advocate eugenics assisted redflag people like exist lifes like mine exist feel pain whole planet full irresponsible selfish people theres dumbfuck rich kid getting rd ferarri hes going crash meanwhile family cant even find decent family home  combined incomes whole world bullshit someone please kill me please end misery