came backi m live christian neighborhoodi attempted redflag  obviously failed started seeking help keeping secret everyone including parents recovered midend spring  accidentally told people attempted redflag luckily think joke reason depression i never actually diagnosed symptoms abuse yelled beaten since kindergarten about  years old humiliated bullied looks overweight since start primary school increasing pressure fulfill high expectations straight as told abuse normal ever since recovery making efforts get slimmer mostly stopped parents saying cant go diet young instead diet started eating healthier dad stopped beating knew getting stronger working out would fight back emotional manipulation verbal abuse stop start august staying aunts uncles house week week great expectations kept working out kept stable weight cat made way less lonely inside time came back home second day back dad came nowhere tried kiss me arm got way immediately started yelling saying respect him know love love him ungrateful done me also yelled take away rights including free speech whenever tried say anything would cut yell do answer me said hated relaxed started yelling me another similar case happened weeks ago went walk started yelling food want him said similar case described above except one mental breakdown punched me gave promise never get angry ever i knew bullshit except screw up day yelled me made cry enough fill  male tears mugs broke promise next day acted nothing happened one thing got right night love him realized love  years ago laws country would murdered him could even defend emotionally overwhelmed was could say anything imagined killing him ever since day suicidal thoughts came back slowly did emotional support know tell this except you