watched neighbors todaytoday canada day stood inside house peering window watching everyone leave festivities saw people leaving kayaks dogs swimwear drink coolers blow rafts heard laughing chattering singing huge wake call made think what hell life agoraphobia generalized anxiety disorder messed sleeping schedule sleep am pm generally people leaving fun day getting ready go sleep spend time awake panic attacks laying bed laptop cant much chronic nausea hate routine hate life want anxiety anymore im tired fighting myself cant it