please talk it ive never close itive neared redflag one time life someone called police worst  hours hospital life since moment decided ever needed it wouldnt tell anyone jar super strong painkillers take right ill die nearly instantly ive jar waiting closet year so everyone says look good things live for seem happy successful outside i admit reception ivy league college example life horrible fucked stomach flu mom accused lying shes heartless little would cut stuffed animals front force copy bible remaining isolated friends im emotionally scarred fact constantly tries ruin life never proud me hurt many times child wanted love yet called evil even blamed grandmas death me parents throw knives other divorce lengthy pay price boyfriend loved left intimidated me found new one love raped beat many times friends seems vacuous dont want end think im going to im sorry grim somebody please tell something convince