comes wavessome days feel great really look forward whats next me days feel like get hit wave something pure depression suicidal thoughts started around  years ago havent gone day didnt think killing myself usually deal days think fuck it lose since suicidal thoughts come also something prevents it death anxiety dont know happens die freaks out limited time here whats next would say im spiritual really happens im sorry im getting topic tried drowning twice couldnt it drive along cliff consider yanking wheel taking down thoughts come whats gonna happen die andy curl ball let thoughts take brain hate thoughts prevent kill myself days call blessing days curse maybe primal thing thats keeping alive maybe brain sends thoughts make sure dont kill myself dont know do cant take anyone want know someone thoughts deal it usually work play video games read watch movie keep mind time googled anything people dealing death anxiety werent helpful thank taking time read this really appreciate it