sometimes wonder killing way find peaceim  years old im working job hate anxiety pandemic gotten spiraling control think im poisoning im keep getting sick cant drink cans bottles cant even eat sweets chips without spraying lysol using disinfecting wipes them im scared getting sick unreal think im subsequently making sick process dads trying get go medication dont think itll help know im lucky others boyfriend loves family tries help everytime start spiral feels like cant help me hell tried vent mom phone started cry saying cant help give im gonna accept help im last year school online cant anything im lower classes bc act score shit everyone around makes feel like failure comparison know im posting this maybe want attention idk im tired waking everyday pm getting ready go job makes feel miserable thing thats given joy engaging kind sexual acts bf feel like piece shit feel sick want over thought moving dads house would make everything better didnt everything feels way makes think maybe way ill ever truly find peace go heaven im even able go sinful things ive done make feel kind emotion feel bad even posting bc know im well others im truly sick living way do feels like theres way out