bf wants kill himself help himtldr know form believe worth could great life could great bad cant see excited able work something enjoys see life could filled experiences would worth it think love life going lose him think already crying death still here boyfriend depressed  months now medication since beggining year first said want continue life like himself want try change would like killing personality grow one new would like another person also struggled finding occupation field able live incomes now says hope days vanished is objectively really intelligent person knows take advantage it would like work creative work field game developer mainly other hobbies music magic manualities studying physics great although this late course like anymore really good teacher also want spend rest life programming enterprise enjoy working would represent half life awake h awake  free  sleeping see another outcome like study another career struggle life end like that tells sees life distance judge life goes objectively which agree know pills depression emotions anything right not even me first time able judge life want continue see life could turn right happy according him could also turn boring sad know tell him really hard time accepting decision right seems terminal although wants wait rebuild life lost make suffer cant avoid thinking times told go party outside see opportunity go friends my friends kind weird going bfs meant  us cant keep thinking memories good times would had misunderstandings plus situations could help value more blind apathetic make bigger change him cant stop thinking could help more maybe views life now extreme cant keep thinking made value himself work capabilities more maybe see future dark thinks life like sudoku book nothing else offer him exciting experiences great job boring common life understand said hope says least had understand capable valuing himself would capable many things probably would worth it video game industry place options understand see effort would make unnecesary already judges life turn valuable great denies making effort least try it know him guess cant anything bit cant imagine life cant see face ir talk anymore know form believe worth could great life could great bad cant see excited able work something enjoys see life could filled experiences would worth it think love life going lose him memories could been think go crazy unable function person much rage sadness think it guess writing see anyone help someone gone something similar sometimes think kill first live pain want die want go pain either want born know think already crying death still here think going anything now would still suffer lot exams weeks now sees never get it think would point even included suffering