cant think titlei really know start im unemployed live mother recent state affairs recently hospitalized father visited told move shit out hes pissed cant say blame him hes paying education fucked up struck out last chance pursue dream left ill never able afford go back own mother urging move back while said would better here would people talk to full shit talks convenient her time try talk acts put it like conversation chore mean demonize parents father least all hes good me ive consistently fucking since became ill senior year high school got tired it wasted lot money me mother martyr drama queen cant talk either them father intimidating thinks hes smarter really is get wrong hes one smartest men know severely overestimates himself hes stubborn presumptuous seems think knows exactly im going through seems think able healthy handle told hes wrong well all fact tells leave room time try correct matter matter anyway relationship essentially over know deal mother every time try talk shit gives generic advice makes herself whatever guess girlfriend exhausted tired bullshit ive put lot past seven years unhappy relationship contributes relationship lot able thats shitty relationship in little offer deserves lot more handle diagnosis well said lot shit have things im really comfortable repeating ive given every chance leave says want to cant talk either plenty shit worry grown tired listening say im bitter angry depressed irritable person guess sort gets exhausting listen while friends band mates really cant talk reason were pretty tight weve playing together five six years thats enough put frustrated ramblings schizophrenic loser mother girlfriend band mates thats left cant talk single one them that really respond im talking something particularly interesting them guitarist probably best friend lot alike really problem him drummer good dude general talk anything long im dumping bullshit him everyone else pretty much ignores try talk something girlfriend lot kills me like ill bring something id like talk shell respond shell flat ignore say start talking something wants talk about im interesting anymore really anyone whos interested say reach internet frequently someone talk to join forums websites according interests meet people talk think im interesting while never lasts long get bored eventually stop talking me every single time ive quite while know maintain friendship ive lost social skills im alone thoughts theyre dangerous thoughts have medications effectively gotten rid hallucinations still episodes bimonthly basis terrifying experience one im sure explain disorienting confusing suffocating me im nightmares dream people love care me people think im interesting enjoy company wake inside dream eventually fade back feeling loved happens eventually figure im dreaming wake try remember dream fade back feeling loved never can worst part never wake up keeps happening over crushing every time apparently none medications fatal consequences overdose suppose thats good thing maybe ill try heroin lol