suicidal thoughts constantly coming backso suffering depression long time now nearing  years good days feel overwhelmed thinking many things money friends work home things stable home  years moving time nothing left pre  years old financial future next  years least due really unluckystupid seems every single financial obligation make goes tits up end debt nothing show it weather non fault car crash leaving k debt even though insured overdraft still high drug abuse  years ago feel burden best friends live offered them im dealing transitioning  years still tough fighting tooth nail basic treatment possible sustain place want quality life im single cant earn good enough income part family raised dead part different people cant connect with genuinely want die every pain ache ive felt ive hoped cancer incurable thing excuse die cant speak anyone person it feel like cant want attention ice spoken feelings recent past imagine talking people know take it week occasionally feel happy whole feel sick waste space go away 