care lazy trying restart life  years life shittier  excercised dieted got hobbies gone therapy things drones constantly drone forums insipid generic platitude never succeeded always failed time stepped face dirt more believe myself zero self esteem since kid nothin proud of horrible hand eye coordination always picked last sports ooor academic performance socially clueless hate myself that despise everyone else want go msss shooting massacre bunch retards feel terror pani maybe would cathartic lucky able get gun license poisonously envious anyone something want intimate notredflag friendships money degree independence respect charisma beauty youth one things best feign indifference cannot pretend happy tlothers longer wish worst care fairness care earned what thing deserve deterministic universe repeat would love horribly injure ruin peoples lives deserve it would cathartic me would especially love stab every cunt ever yttered phrase pull bootstraps normie fucktardstion interested fitting society want every single person die come afterwards ah would antnatalist paradise done fighting