know anymorethe first time thought ending around  felt really guilty thinking like that feel guilty all would i one know cares enough even talk time would care died mom used want put therapy anymore though im pretty sure thinks im going normal teen issues care enough find bad really is turns blind eye it guess refuses acknowledge problem have thinks choose lazy maybe normal teen issues im dramatic know even know im posting here honestly feel like reason live know id kill anyway someday tonight nothing distracts thoughts anymore im tired alive feels like option really tempting right now know im posting instead whatever edit anyone cares im fine now still feel like shit ill kill day ive found adequate materials use feel like getting any oh well guess ill procrastinate redflag like every thing else even life edit holy shit even know im updating need vent somewhere since talked teens helpline thing police went house talked parents found self harm suicidal urges and reacted better thought would relieving im confused nothing feels real