ive accepted itive thoughts redflag since  years old im  really thru much handle mental health dad died mom abandoned  months bounced around different family member homes feeling im good enough one wanted keep me ive gone thru lot dealt lot death always contemplated redflag could never think way actually go it today ive lost hope completely girl told loved wanted foreveri soul mate told today wasnt sure meant it im sick feeling alone one actually cares me many failed relationships mother abandoning ive convinced im unlovable ill alone forever cant that decided today im gonna buy gun week work last shift friday enjoy time friends weekend sunday june rd im going take peaceful place get drugs drink finally shoot head finally end pain cant handle anymore pain constant life long remember im past breaking point thanks giving place put thoughts existence hope go thru