im ready dieeverything fault ruined sisters birthday mom isnt talking bc didnt guts tell suicidal im scared talk dad im afraid itll awkward im fucking pathetic feel alone maybe better hate me wont care im dead schools starting soon feeling wont make it somehow feel calm knowing wont live hell anymore everybody better without me burden family talent ambition hobbies hope future whats point living need try hard everday barely get by work ass school im going end shitty  job barely pay rent life pointless im done trying get better evrytime things looking fall deeper hole feel like everything attempt make others proud im living myself id much rather first place im ready die couldnt feel peace