im tiredits hard keep fighting have somehow thought id made darkest parts havent live place making depression worse day day theres always something going wrong theres never break all matter try gets worse thought finally managed catch break going able slowly dig way out so much slower tolerable willing trade small resolve left get this knowing could try fix later relapsed self harm eating disorder snowballed depression kicked ass told worth it stood chance getting out gone stupid believed would help me naively fell bullshit got hopes up sent crashing earth soulshattering speeds last chance know way place thats killing me exhausted options family made clear want help help tried get better tried myself fighting wanted digging tooth nail giving pride could make work fell apart cant again ive hopes raised shattered many times past fourteen months cannot handle rollercoaster emotion turmoil longer cant ive tried talk people it theyre busy tonight im depressing ive tried get feeling out nothing working feel empty hollowed full nothingness cannot live like this want alive