bday yesterday n people live  mom said something tired actually glimmer hope someone say happy birthday nah hope crushed always tell everyone happy bday merry christmas yk drill one ever wishes anything thought friend mattered appears saw delusions never talks outside wants ask advice cannot give love clothes etc  ask smth get met replyi cannot even force work anymore hope never go back office boss also forces us give happy answers time how you why bad smile life get better idk feeling good used find joy drawing anymore just there time everytime hurts sit room work stare screen daydreaming tired also used like job boss threatened fire us nothing christmasi used think id finally happy not changed reverted back before even worse think idk want anymore cannot fucking talk people know nothing n cannot anything myself always paranoid mess even deserve anything anyone friendswho would want friends w fat ugly person thing care r cats n see twice week even feel like post bother tired