want commit redflag really want liveim  years old im going university next year im going best school country choice four better schools state successful parents willing help problems have lot people would give lot position makes really sad lived could been could one best students high school put enough effort schoolwork ended enough bs stop even applying really good schools even trade good memories every day nothing besides attempt drown whatever find internet nothing continue cycle close zero social interactions necessary way even parents fault im unattractive unable communicate make effort make interesting anyone want anything me want commit redflag much would hurt people around already worked hard help me right now given option never exist would take without hesitation know cannot happen though need fix problem find direction goal guys found purpose lives