 first timewhen ten learned could kill self mother depressed would panic attacks ways would hurt kill herself would tell everything never remember feeling mentally okay learned this tried taking lot tylenol didnt work really thought counts  became much trauma childhood along current burdens tired again didnt work day wish did however survival today shown much best friend tried kill last week rope broke friends brother committed redflag worked hes gone forever im thinking unfair is best friend got second change brother hes gone forever hate regretting fact alive much cause got second chance guess wish died someone else got second chance sorry nonsense let out