pray wake upim  year old guy college come middle class family dads father abusive alcoholic thus father abused much older brother time fathers child gotten little better used spank sister kids reason sister completely shut someone yells us changed gotten better yell get angry never lays finger either us however always expect to even though point life know cares would never that anger saw ingrained since child hate it mothers mother alcoholic well terrible childhood never physically abused mentally broken down exgirlfriend emotionally abusive manipulative combination mother live constantly thought everyone always passiveaggressive hate me often feel like capable loved hate much believe anyone could hate me nothing makes happy anymore job video games movies lost motivation couple friends tell care me quite frankly feel like would better without me feel like issues weigh realize much better would without me nothing live anymore nothing makes happy reason alive feel guilty leave  friends sister hate life feel like everyone hates mad time everytime go sleep when trouble sleeping pray wake up hopefully pop tire car flips over don know hell read far thanks guess all