dont want herei dont want live anymore havent since  im  everyone made seem like things would get better sober anti depressants nothing helped alcohol ssri benzo marijuana dont want live great boyfriend mom couldnt live without me couple friends however still want purchase pistol end it feel guilty still cause got dui  even though didnt crash hurt someone feel like cant redeem myself quit drinking successfully completed probation chance removed record next year dont want deserves there  watched step dad die house help mom clean shit blood up honestly since things awful loved much dad real dad colon cancer wont get help even though hes bleeding everyday reminds everything month ill probably end to also drinks everyday doesnt gives fuck get better isnt really anyone read needed place rant somewhere safe say want end it dont want live want gone good