exactly sure ask that better subreddit it let know go there storyi began depression aroud  specific reason recall  try strangulate death sleep  tried asphyxiate car nobody noticed it  shot mouth  long rifle harder hide family friend finally knew it incredibly lucky since paralysed disfigured little sequels understand biology huge amount luck cannot seem explain though since depressed anymore  years downs depending life situation course dark thoughts everyday nothing could make disappear so anybody theory depressed anymore  curiosity nothing change find answer manage  years thanks clear know incredibly lucky mentally physically course would never ever suggest suicide attempt end depression depressed tried kill myself depressed anymore 