really think ill make past hell barely see making next birthday everyday wake disappointed wishing dead agony life would over much shit happened past year wish successful tried could nothing instead go trauma ive gone through past year ive  people come forward one abuser themselves public manner concerns ive acting think something wrong dismiss them know dissuade them least throws trail like fake throwing ball dog concerns ive suicidal almost decade now public part gets most feel like im talking piece rather sentient person makes feel like really reason topic eventually forgotten forgotten role