relief felt realised could itive meds years family built foundation lies ive given dreams practical cant even read book anymore whats point trying make sort future looking field marginal interest in coronavirus struck im stuck home parents welcomed home telling prepare arrival brother biggest abuser reason ive victims mentality got picked everywhere went went online searched final solution saw chemicals ill need readily available am never felt kind relief felt saw that never felt good peaceful used care loved ones seem important anymore know im trying say first message here im superstitious maybe sign