first attempt soonfor solid year told things get better continuously get worse pushed every single friend away due depression one left broke boyfriend  years months ago biggest mistake life even speak me good state mind thought best fucked am person close mother left go rehab gone months go days without talking anyone fact think anyone would notice absence days longer shitty job hate cant drive one teach me live brother father terrible relationship dad good brother literally never speaks avoids me thing makes happy cat ive struggled depression entire life im tired fighting never pays off mental illness runs deep family mom severely bipolar think too told therapist symptoms gave weird look even acknowledge said ive tried get help im burden everyone try even talk anyone im depressing stress out reason ever attempted mom heartbroken would be learned something tried kill multiple times growing know care would done me care then feel like perfect time since away even care physical pain anymore want it think whole life leading this actually feel ease peaceful right feel like gonna relatively soon need worry anymore feels right