know suicidal feelings probably result trauma modern life capitalism sucks definitely parent making feel like deserve existence definitely case aware solve anything feel unable heal feel like cannot move on feel like tired cannot go on young living own want dad tell loves pushed away want play xbox want hang him want help pay doctor help figure going inside mind mom abused bad want go running him cannot ruined relationship cannot fix it afraid fix it want ex hold pushed away too want never hurt important friends life late want become better singing cannot bring disciplined enough practice want workout feel like it want good job always fucking boss present thinks mediocre want okay feel ready okay used absence caos feel like trying get better trap feel like mothers abuse started moment decided conceive killing would actually rebelling maybe fact still here suffering without justice me exactly wants cannot stop feeling much pain soul tired cannot go on cannot this want out cannot fixed