confessionat beginning seventh semester already riddled feeling guilt parents spend much money education took upon whatever recover it refrained going friends eating out never went trips them started working online earned enough sustain save little future opportunity save arose internship opened company upon consulting seniors learnt good company work for even joined monetary benefits provided would paid stipend also dormitory fees final semester would returned little know signing to first day joining immediately regretted decision place far people even so travelled public transport many time standing journey took hour half way little money left spent travel bought gifts family travelling came physical strain chronic back ache put five months hoping could make six months would suffice would work getting abroad little know hard part yet come little know parents sacrificed much would make feel pain even experienced before always thought could take pain right could two types pain physical mental one realises latter much worse sacrificed much them need most turn me treat like criminal working brining income putting money table taken time out write gre ielts gate learn german language know enough time yet misunderstood taunted harassed working making money place used call home criticized sit using laptop wires surround it criticized way sleep man needs two things life know belong there lack place live lack respect neither here contemplated ceasing exist decided people know me dream mother come despise constant taunting chiding narcissistic nature love me anger issues irritable nature changed me deepy fundamentally come realise value money anything else past months depression lurking head like dark cloud feel finally taken over feel numb devoid love feeling come point beginning wonder go on