whats annoying nagging thing stops every timeive teetering suicidal whole life im currently  first time attempted and failed horribly  times around  point wouldve done couldve found means it big thing terrified physical pain im less terrified physical pain itd lot easier it something seems stop every time last year horrible me moved back home town deal abusive father first time years since moved house  fell drugs under control now car stolen gotten pregnant amp abortion got fired recently shitty experiences people thought close friends robbed overall dangerous situations year live life extreme depression extreme anxietyparanoia lately holds back a baby sister around  weve actually started talking little parents kind nightmare deal know im sane person life love like crazy worry repercussions death would her b ex boyfriend angel cares deeply would devastated gone really try hes extremely busy live different states top that longer romantic feelings me mainly bullshit claims hes going internal process give time theyll likely come back know hes saying keep hurting myself regardless lack romantic feelings hes really attached me hurts cling hope yaknow love him hope kind keeps going anywhere shit even lying cant cope guilt would died im exhausted though like honestly truly energy get life want it want die lot bullshit last year put bad situations im trying move away get them depression consistent regardless kind situation throughout life im pretty sure sort mental illness never health insurance means seeing therapist anything biological mom mental asylum  years family says schizophrenia suspect borderline im starting worry hereditary ive getting crazy levels paranoia lately thinkin feds amp shit also could just again lifestyle choices shit something wrong keep fucking friendships ruining reputation etc last boss told reason firing literally vibe off thats kind stuff really makes think something seriously wrong me know bottom heart im least malicious person know guess im place needed vent think closest friends know im suicidal tbh theyre kind tired hearing it nobody life wants deal negativity really feel inadequate survival difficult me real support system financially emotionally