want diei many could wish for apartment share friends one best friends many friends truly care go way take care me parents love support however can two sisters consider friends poor ive love before yet feel despair sadness perpetually keep telling going build life stop lying myself want here ive hurt people past shouldnt get thrive thought could good world remedy past much suffering cant save everyone though wish could want die dont want see suffering dont want cause suffering think forgiven past dealings suicidal ideation since young attempted redflag before survived last attempt chance alone time plan jumping bridge feels guaranteed know family friends distraught suffer also see good come it life one live anymore harm anyone else plan ending soon want die believe god afterlife pray leave behind pray find happiness live lives better could hope make better choices faced decision selfish hope instead make choice help fellow man instead