self hatred hurting around methis recurring issue life past year ive grown depressed sad myself ive lost capacity give others treatment deserve course leads people agitated leads becoming even depressed makes cycle worse become grossed cant even jerk anymore ive tried multiple times past week leads feeling sick disgusted myself dont honestly think ill commit redflag thought become rather prevalent back mind kind always there waiting something wrong point becomes louder louder drowns everything else typically goes away pretty quickly incident like this fuck cannot handle hurting close dont like myself fuck even done that order stop hurting others stop hating myself hard hate hurt others