warning long basically describing problems  supposed finished first year really good law school told everyone am instead actually graduate student masters legal science less reputed college near me actually applying now lied everyone left hometown go law school moved apartment high schoolcollege bestie works lot engineer moving great idea regret still love her good roommate honestly talks lot life feel like never asks me also good deflecting wish would push little harder ask am tend avoid chill room lot also need time relax also smoke weed almost every day lie it vaping problem hard quit trying lost gramps earlier year difficult favorite man planeti diagnosed adhd generalized redflag disorder bordering depression also prescribed medication never kept with going psychiatrist moved different clinic take insurance like  months since still gone another issue think triggered become asshole cousin graduation extravaganza party lot worked lot fucking cleaned vomit managed send  teenagers home am ubers closed worked ass never felt appreciated whole moment even worse feel like annoyed everyone so triggered real bad pushed away everyone stuck one talk to really good friends completely stopped talking to time realized id pushed everyone away stopped talking could figure respond still day trying get talk them group friends two stopped talking rest people close with planned trip months ago hotel reservation name discount go would able stay there went felt like everyone hated whole trip last day super bad cried many times secretly day bathrooms lmao then got super wasted cried hours front  them one cared really talk  hour drive day so right trip ready apologize friends trip happened longer really want talk anyone suicidal want live reason still planet mom could never kill cannot fail her imagine dying getting cancer time want anything lost passion everything know real depressed lie everything want anyone think negatively bc already severe body image issues cannot stand let others thinks wrong besides fact clinically obese push everything off pretty sure rotting tooth could probably get infected kill time gone dentist energy scared also want to need know asshole friends also advice get rut last  days smoking vaping go coffee shops work super hard applications also helps left adhd meds finally started feel hope light diet good longer binge eat like used everyday also go gym like  times week something feels different time need advice forward problems loser asshole sad