cant relate counting downi told close friends would dead  im  turning  december everyday hell dont leave bed barely want get pee days end fucking personal hygiene stare ceiling hours one moved states harder expected cant take thought staying continuing live sick life nothing live for nobody love nothing do dont cry anymore cant remember last genuine cry session had everyone life hates nobody would miss me even people know im suicidal dont give shit stopped talking everyone ive gone mute nod head think ive started lose mind hear things see things arent there like im constantly taking double takes scary dreams turned worse nightmares cant catch break im sorry family either wish wasnt alone battling demons theyre winning