im monsteri ruined everything like birth catalyst unplanned horrific event father never cared elementary middle school ugly stupid deserved called names front whole class messy deserved heart broken dive deep depression deserved hurt make others care me deserved used thinking smart dumped older guys online fall stepped on ruined life dating horrible person letting break get think smart again deserved assaulted one else deserves that im exception something horribly disgustingly wrong me got there got here meet amazing person disrespect them make feel small im stupid im broken damaged dragged someone keeps going im annoying person suicidal relationship im annoying attention seeker ruin myself life ruin others real reasons wanna stop ruining things wanna stop disgusting horrifying sickly beast wanna go care theres heaven hell disappear cant ruin everything anymore executed need execute me need one right thing know even that wouldnt right