i really talki feel like im going type type type need talk something really know feel shitty know try hard everything wrong cut scratched starting th grade got caught junior year hs got diagnosed general anxiety clinical depression homeschooled senior year went community college withdrew classes ab w th year university student withdrew classes  units away graduation ditched intership team  corps members  little humans failed redflag valentines day year mute just cant get talk anyone write  words down most talk boyfriend via messages skype money issues nothing completely unsolvable preventable valentines day thing really know myself boyfriend trying keep happy try happy every day work parents restaurant smiling nodding running away treated like im two years old someone tries get talk thing gets know head really reason depressed theres table food roof head clothes laptop try hard keep busy take hobbies go places gift people stop im thinking ways kill without failing breaking boyfriend blamed taking flight anywhere parents see cadaver like shit head time want get better fall this know one point  pounds  year would buy chocolate ice cream go grandmas house id refuse leave underneath covers weeks cant anymore want visit emergency crisis team medication anything shrink nothing good me want talk her feel like want end all want one end it kind jokingly asked boyfriend kill instead reaction really bad felt really bad realized awful say realized thats really contradictory know sometimes im just pretend im better maybe ill get better keeps making feel worse makes head hurt parents going much already really need this worry yearold daughter graduated student financial services just want think right now health issues know popped up im wondering really point if im ending burdening family worrying people better end grieve little go live lives load little lighter tried really did never missed therapy contacted asked help psychologists kept busy outgoing made friends got accepted internship volunteered gave alone time went shopping ate lots lots chocolate candy took pictures made scrapbooks got boyfriend tried nothing worked know im willing try anymore but know know want get want want even right really know want go sleep tonight wishing wake tomorrow want wake see just know feel like everythings wrong