eveningim really never sure im supposed write here think im writing hope someone read say consider it im sure theres anything take consideration doubt anything could taken away reading thoughts anything positive case thank taking time anyway happen reading this feel weighed societal expectations way need speak intonation language expected go life functioning person work voice really small thing always annoys me feels disingenuous like that like im betraying living lie really cant stand it pretty childish way think understand think ill ever get it see dehumanizing factory standard planned mechanical theres warmth there nothing guess complaints living similar vein call deviant contexts theres feels theres point feel life im sitting here desk computer paid money car end day ill freely admit this know im unique far distract myself im going eat food im going go bed ive finished tequila go work company feels nothing people know beside show me enjoy this know fact raised type people who problem anything something working right would fix that immediately taught teach fix things solve problems ive chronic depression entire life nothing feel like fix this problem cant fixed fucking love living idea sensation look universal scale fucking amazing think reason plan see happens create shape view complex patterns shapes experience simple part hearing tones certain order make electricity brain different things special would take involuntary mood swings voices head telling want die parts go away would love it live planet people see things way do people understand basic idea cause effect could apply them people see everyone else perceived wealth ignorance plan sociopathy culturally socially reinforced nihilism understand people could fucking arrogant beautiful gorgeous possibility people ruin it thats see anyway see way change people change situation sorry seems dramatic im glad write thoughts maybe ill go live pond write book it