go arnt oki individual therapy group therapy since last august depression suicidal ideation worse ever since brought knife school intention kill  years ago cant help feel disappear like im somehow burdening everyone proximity them intrusive thoughts redflag ranging drinking household cleaner jumping top school parking garage feels like every day im inching closer taking thought action today stood top parking garage actually leaned edge seen therapist  times last two days another meeting tuesday im sure live long feel like check hospital missed even two days work school life would totally fucked since would lose job able afford rent would mis two midterms drop graduate program finally made into dont know do dont want anyone deal mess killing myself idea living even two days feels impossible