first time im  rationalso ive messed everything life looked part time job call own want rich would gladly settle free time lower pay thing necessary degree part time jobs accountants couldve gotten degree time aware thing needed live life capable enjoying realize basically me thats im thinking simply ending know lies ahead simply made me accuse mocking serious intentions ive already attempted redflag twice back completely emotional wanted pain stop rescued time twice brings us here intentions serious feel urge it simply something pops mind feel like but rationally screwed big time late correct mistake past shitty high school degree worthless im old start university still worthy hired tax benefits employer basically screwed without experience