got better im relapsingi wrote longer version several times gave it know say ampxb long story short ive always social shut in untreated depression anxiety disorder high school kept making friends led least couple serious considerations redflag although that found easier make friends internet easy somehow getting know good people therapy taking medication disorders managed pull gutter ive college three years ive managed produce handful good friends person support lovely people online ampxb now first part last sentence theres reason had recent social circle came two years ago became close friends man chance liked game did became close started making mutual friends end it want say  us things good two years loved everyone server grateful people like could trust traded world fucked up ampxb put simply wronged number members group without realizing it mix inappropriate behavior one biggest spoke much failed pick hints undesired behavior enjoyed company people much failed think felt everyone went way me many blocked me including best friend couple said wanted break never heard again handful gave benefit doubt still talk keep low suffer retribution others one absolutely idea want driving insane ampxb anyone else could chalk learning experience move on  months think every day losing many people care one go like chance say anything would absolutely demolish man like me since ive trying claw back friendships little success best friend gone plenty people wouldve trusted life too anyone still willing associate scared might happen anyone else finds out im paranoid going hang head anyone else try get know case someone group badmouths stupid ass ampxb ive seriously thought ending several times since theres several large bridges ocean city month half back seriously thought driving it thing stopped realizing concrete barrier would leave father broken car sectioned may gone it thoughts common remain reason think proactive killing im also terrified comes death know thats thing thats saved times past know much longer thats gonna hold theres war raging brain side losing ampxb read that thank you im sorry post utter mess name seb done people still think friends