im failureim tired living every day feels like thoughts control life control cant eat starve myself lost  lbs im underweight negatively cope staying bed long possible moving manage energy all anything eat exercise seem exist burden anyone ive called redflag hotline couple times past  weeks sucidial thoughts become default everyday thing know death solve much fact itll cause trauma people around me ive already traumatized know feels im already making everyone life suffer silence serious abandonment issues issues feeling everything fault maybe caused breakup two years ago maybe mom died born nobody ever told truth it whatever sad story tell myself cannot stop telling story failure im going quit job tomorrow ive already done before  years ago quit job ended hospital depression feel like gonna another cycle relying others never really able help myself honestly idk im sharing this idk much relatable want know stop getting stuck cycle hate living reality