conundrumsim alive someone else die alone knowing full well fate ___ ive suicidal  years ive hospitalized  times st time pills drugs time tolerance handled long enough someone find pump stomach nd time someone found got gun called cops knowing planning use it rd time voluntary then  years ago dad died st conundrum dad always truly kept anything dad best friend person whole life knew gave shit im son son world died sleep nowhere undiagnosed sleep apnea found dead taking nap  st conundrum is  family members grandparents real old killed moment truly utterly lowest would go losing son grandson would also noone ro take care visit them last yearmy grandpa died grandma epileptic handicapped situation literally none feelings world want alive _ profession lets people work feed kids nd conundrum work lot good people big families kids card pocket says im cant work im journeyman work boss loses money too take food mouths  families im around nd conundrum is much ive tried last  years relationships start family find significant worth time ive failed everyone help gets that watch work effort give others things honestly deserve  feel like ive drowning whole life cant handle anything anymore im tired