cant live done thisok trying make brief possible mental breakdown around january last year went extremely heavy skinny smoker ate garbage gym rat eating eating eating  calories healthiest food per day becoming strong healthy always hitting gym however get filled regrets contrast huge feel like im die also get fucking angry feel like biggest failure ever mean smokes neglects health losers that selfesteem zero suicidal thoughts extremely depressed contact ex talk it look  years older im   start wrong foot extremely negative texts like calling life pointless bullshit fucking toxic behavior me gets angry feel like explain myself constantly says something want reply blocks keep making new accounts one time says you change bit went backwards make new account one last time reply but change explodes writes message hurt much possible says never reply again says shit like youll never learn live life saying situation pure poison brain black white becomes engrained brain everything went wrong here started negative texts tried save continuing make new accounts ex wanted leave alone ex also unempethatic fuck makes want explain even more ending horribly cruel last message keeps repeating head every single minute day im frustrated sad said completely ruins mental health makes feel hopeless know full story thing made feel proud ive turned life around feels completely vain last message cant cope constantly write messages delete write everyday explaining apologizing telling know bad did never replies like  months shit gets rid instagram wrote last extremely personal email work left company got forwarded coworkers holy shit conclusion ive turned stalker kill myself cant live embarrassment shame also something heat moment kept contacting day day pattern im fucked person