even know im botheringi dont ive failed everywhere else world cruel full hate world longer wish live in people tell keep trying know why gets worse worse worse trying torture stay alive devil sent fate torture wrongs always been afterthought even parents love think afterthought making fun bipolar people right front me ive got something tell dad environmental factor bipolar means took part making one them im trying pick peaceful way go get final things order want mean make transition easier others everyone failed me failed everyone spiral anyone know  benadryl would let fall asleep forever want leave peace peace live never given me