whats point going onive utterly depressed  years im sick all go on  years seem getting better fact seems get worse get wrong days im content even happy shit certainly ways it cluster fuck atoms bacteria trying survive free concept brain makes decisions even consciously know made it humans designed keep going eating sleeping mating ego  personality merely brains collective memories decisions see carry on ive spoke doctors psychologists family friends nothing changes hesitation leaving family behind although longer go easier decision redflag becoming existence pain  mr meeksees doubt makes much sense im sure understand life suck balls