try anything anything think anything end want kill myselftoday way home visited good friend caught spiral thinking able treat girlfriend decently depressed bad days dream family think need to reason try would better would dead another dream mine become engineer although passed tests semester able go lecture class went took exam cant around people thats pretty much never electrical engineer thus want die cant fight battle alone even though tried  years now hard scream help get marked someone needs attention sometimes seems people think therapy fun always smiling kind defense mechanism makes want end life end alone sick tired get rejected withyoure nice guy looking someone right now  like afraid tell good enough them need wait painful years something obviously happen know friends understand mental illness definitely support system way talk someone reddit makes want die nobody know cares shit honestly blame them nobody likes looser society definitely losing life