deserve livei raised normal healthy im emotionally defective toxic social failure potential friend push away hope stop interacting me think im healthy around want ruin life unfortunate upbringingtraumas think explains end total fucked psychologically told much lies like im daughter high ranking military man lies im still cringing think day reason general hate feel towards although kind authentic person dislike something her god still eager friends me im like please leave im toxic reclusive talk months except initiate first im bad friend know friendship works leave cant everyones cup tea thats ok person know that think im able talk stop interacting me admit envy living normal life normal mind blessed likeable face sounds pretty dumb immature know well tried work myself spent money time effort get better turns damages cant repair talk anonymously online helps time im back suicidal idealation contemplating much could cause serious harm people completely lost self control hate admit im bit narcy sometimes cant help it like whats going inside head either want cause possible harm could someone want associate cant help it here strong potential commit something awful law im done life