kharealumnicaltechedu article nytimescom sent kharealumnicaltechedu sure explain fork yet abandoned rohit kharealumnicaltechedu friends indeed harm good september 10 2002 mary duenwald friends supposed good recent years scientific research suggested people strong friendships experience less stress recover quickly heart attacks likely live longer friendless even less susceptible common cold studies show friends salutary effect lie insult betray overly needy give much advice psychologists sociologists calling attention negative health effects bad friends friendship often painful said dr harriet lerner psychologist author dance connection close enduring friendship jealousy envy anger entire range difficult emotions rear heads one decide whether best thing consider phase long friendship say bad health im disbanding another book friendship hurts dr jan yager sociologist university connecticut stamford advises deliberately leaving bad friends wayside theres myth friendships last lifetime dr yager said sometimes better end social scientists would wait spotlight dangers bad friends understandable considering recently paid close attention friendship marriage family relationships siblings parents children seen important course troubled friendships far less likely lead depression suicide troubled marriages children seldom seriously affected friendships go bad popular author relationship advice books dr lerner said never anyone write say best friend hits dr beverley fehr professor psychology university winnipeg noted sociological changes like 50 percent divorce rate added weight role friends emotional physical health marital relationship cant counted stability way past people less likely living near extended family members people shifting focus friendships way building community finding intimacy said dr fehr author friendship processes past couple years research friendship focused health benefits starting look full relationship said dr suzanna rose professor psychology florida international university miami like marriage friendship also negative characteristics research infancy psychologists yet measured ill effects bad friendship dr fehr said far surveys interviews figured significant problem early research dr fehr added showing betrayal friend devastating experts thought friend bad obviously dr rose said drawing person criminal otherwise illadvised pursuit think people friends enron added see friendship support antisocial behavior betrayal also makes bad friendship friends split said dr keith e davis professor psychology university south carolina often cases one shared personal information secrets one wanted kept confidential another form betrayal dr yager said friend suddenly turns cold without ever explaining pulling away said silent treatment actually malicious least devastating affair friends romantic partner recently happened one dr lerners patients would encourage hang work one dr lerner said third type bad friendship involves someone insults person dr yager said one 180 people responded dr yagers recent survey friendship described 11 best friend called derogatory name woman 32 devastated feels unable fully open people ever since dr yager said emotional abuse may less noticeable verbal abuse insidious dr yager said people constantly set friends explained theyll party invite friend make sure finds risk takers betrayers abusers extreme kinds bad friends dr yager said ones identifies 21 different varieties occupying second tier badness liar person overly dependent friend never listens person meddles much friends life competitor loner prefers spend time friends common promise breaker includes everyone person says lets cup coffee something always comes last minute someone promises need isnt dr yager said friendships go bad romantic relationships one people gradually suddenly finds reasons dislike one couples take 18 24 months someone discover theres something important dont like person said dr rose florida international one might find example subtle ways person racist friendships less intense may take even time one person meet others dislike criteria whether friendship worth saving dr lerner said depends large injury sometimes mature thing lighten let something go added also act maturity sometimes accept another persons limitations acceptance come easier among friends among spouses dr lerner said people one friend need full range emotional support one friendship deteriorated point one friend truly dislikes one finds friendship causing undue stress healthy response pull away dr yager said stop sharing personal intimate details life start busy get together ever takes two people start maintain friendship one end dr yager said friendship voluntary unregulated far easier dissolve marriage also comparatively fragile experts say ideally loss bad friendship leave person time appreciation good ones dr lerner said wise pay attention friendships order youre healthy life work going well said crisis hits someone love dies lose job health insurance universe gives crash course vulnerability discover crucial lifepreserving good friendship httpwwwnytimescom20020910healthpsychology10friehtmlex1032684795ei1en2a88a6d1b985c977 advertise information advertising email newsletters creative advertising opportunities new york times web please contact onlinesalesnytimescom visit online media kit httpwwwnytimescomadinfo general information nytimescom write helpnytimescom copyright 2002 new york times company tue 10 sep 2002 150636 0400 edt nytimescom article friends indeed harm good