Avoidant (I’m okay, Loses or destroys I have no of the Validate the child’s you’re not okay) property value of anything. I feelings can see you “I have little interest in are angry” emotion – things if they are not coaching. Help the mine. I am and I child to repair/restore take it out on things. where possible – If I disrupt the class, I together. Restorative might be able to justice approaches. escape. I’m not as Accept that the child good as the others - may not know why don’t really want they behaved the way me here. they did and they might not remember what happened, as they were surviving a dangerous situation. Attachment style Behaviour What it to the What might you do? child Avoidant (I’m okay, Unable to accept I am not worthy of Do praise, do not be you’re not okay) praise or have fun too effusive and be praise and you are stupid if you do not specific the work, realise how bad I am. behaviour or Freeze I am a failure and not achievement you are worth bothering praising. Giving praise about. I feel privately might be humiliated and more acceptable. embarrassed. Thumbs up or subtle indications that they have done well could be more acceptable. Attachment style Behaviour What it means to the What might you do? child Avoidant (I’m okay, Physically or verbally Avoid threat of I respond to you’re not okay) abusive frightening or removal or rejection. threatening situations in” not “Time “Time by fighting, freezing or out”. If unavoidable, fleeing. have them taken to a safe person or safe space (secondary attachment figure). Speculate out loud why it might have happened (emotion coaching), and do not expect the child to
Avoidant (I’m okay, you’re not okay) Loses or destroys property I have no of the value of anything. I have little interest in things if they are not mine. I am and I take it out on things. If I disrupt the class, I might be able to escape. I’m not as good as the others don’t really want me here. Validate the child’s feelings “I can see you are angry” – emotion coaching. Help the child to repair/restore where possible – together. Restorative justice approaches. Accept that the child may not know why they behaved the way they did and they might not remember what happened, as they were surviving a dangerous situation. Attachment style Behaviour What it to the child What might you do? Avoidant (I’m okay, you’re not okay) Freeze Unable to accept praise or have fun I am not worthy of praise and you are stupid if you do not realise how bad I am. I am a failure and not worth bothering about. I feel humiliated and embarrassed. Do praise, do not be too effusive and be specific the work, behaviour or achievement you are praising. Giving praise privately might be more acceptable. Thumbs up or subtle indications that they have done well could be more acceptable. Attachment style Behaviour What it means to the child What might you do? Avoidant (I’m okay, you’re not okay) Physically or verbally abusive I respond to frightening or threatening situations by fighting, freezing or fleeing. Avoid threat of removal or rejection. “Time in” not “Time out”. If unavoidable, have them taken to a safe person or safe space (secondary attachment figure). Speculate out loud why it might have happened (emotion coaching), and do not expect the child to -
Attachment-Styles-and-Teacher-Responses.docx