things that people believe and I believe this I wonder what you believe? You … … may change what you believe as you grow older’. Time passes You will come across many beliefs about grief. Only you will find out what is true for you and for your children and they may be different things. – You will probably be told that or that first year is the worst’. Some ‘time ‘the families find this is true but others find that the second year can be even harder. Or – the fourth. It can be when family and friends ask less about how you are coping or when the invitations fall away or when people assume you are it’ that the loneliness and ‘over the yearning hit hardest. Children and young people tell us that, after a while, their friends stop talking about the person who has died, that teachers no longer ask how they’re doing and that sometimes even their own families stop communicating, assuming that it’s the ‘for best’ if the person fades from memory. Yet these young people passionately want to keep talking about the person who has died they just need some help to do so. – We often hear from families who say something like: never talks about his dad, I ‘He think he’s forgotten him’. Children and young people need your help to keep talking about the person who has died. They need your that it is OK to do so, ‘permission’ and this is best demonstrated by you talking about them regularly and naturally. Young people want to preserve their memories and maintain a bond’ with ‘continuing the person who has died for as long as they choose. Feelings, thoughts and behaviour Children and young people can experience a huge range of feelings and thoughts after the death of someone close. You may feel that your children are reacting in unexpected or surprising ways. You may feel that some reactions are inappropriate. Each child and young person will have a unique response to this unique event and – every reaction is natural. Some people expect or maybe that should be that grief will follow a pattern – ‘hope’ – of responses from disbelief and shock through to acceptance. Bereaved young people will tell you that grief is nowhere near as organised or straightforward. Grief feels chaotic. Grief follows no rules. Think about yourself and how it has felt for you.
things that people believe … and I believe this … I wonder what you believe? You may change what you believe as you grow older’. Time passes You will come across many beliefs about grief. Only you will find out what is true for you and for your children – and they may be different things. You will probably be told that ‘time or that ‘the first year is the worst’. Some families find this is true – but others find that the second year can be even harder. Or the fourth. It can be when family and friends ask less about how you are coping or when the invitations fall away or when people assume you are ‘over it’ that the loneliness and the yearning hit hardest. Children and young people tell us that, after a while, their friends stop talking about the person who has died, that teachers no longer ask how they’re doing and that sometimes even their own families stop communicating, assuming that it’s ‘for the best’ if the person fades from memory. Yet these young people passionately want to keep talking about the person who has died – they just need some help to do so. We often hear from families who say something like: ‘He never talks about his dad, I think he’s forgotten him’. Children and young people need your help to keep talking about the person who has died. They need your ‘permission’ that it is OK to do so, and this is best demonstrated by you talking about them regularly and naturally. Young people want to preserve their memories and maintain a ‘continuing bond’ with the person who has died for as long as they choose. Feelings, thoughts and behaviour Children and young people can experience a huge range of feelings and thoughts after the death of someone close. You may feel that your children are reacting in unexpected or surprising ways. You may feel that some reactions are inappropriate. Each child and young person will have a unique response to this unique event – and every reaction is natural. Some people expect – or maybe that should be ‘hope’ – that grief will follow a pattern of responses from disbelief and shock through to acceptance. Bereaved young people will tell you that grief is nowhere near as organised or straightforward. Grief feels chaotic. Grief follows no rules. Think about yourself and how it has felt for you.
Age%20and%20Understanding.docx