Critical Communication Errors As I talk with people each week, I often hear about things people say that really get in the way of effective and respectful communication. I am not sure that it is often done with intention, or perhaps more often, in haste, out of impatience, or due to conflict. In any event, these words prevent understanding and often undermine the important relationships we have here at NDSU. Here are a few things to avoid, and how to respond to them: would you do that?” your door to avoid work isn’t going to help you.” “Why “Shutting *Making assumptions. You may have an idea about what’s going on for a person, but you have no way of knowing for sure until you ask. was simply WRONG.” (Criticizing) is all your fault.” (Blaming) know “That “This “You what your problem is?” (Diagnosing) Judging a person and what he or she is doing or saying results in defensiveness, misunderstanding, and even feeling unsafe. Offering solutions by: Ordering need to fix that right away.” – “You Threatening you don’t do this, I won’t help you.” “If – Moralizing should apologize to her.” – “You Excessive Questioning did it happen?” you sorry?” did you say – “When “Are “What then?” do you regret saying that?” did he do then?” “Wow, “What Advising is what I think you should do…” – “Here Surprise: Offering solutions in these ways can leave others feeling manipulated, coerced, demeaned, anxious, dependent and resentful. Avoiding concerns by: Diverting you think that’s bad, let me tell you what happened to me!” – “If Logical Argument you keep saying that kind of stuff to Susan, you can expect this – “If treatment.” Reassuring have the tools to handle this. You’ll deal with it and get over it.” too – “You “This shall pass.” Impact: When we avoid others’ concerns, they leave feeling unheard, unimportant, and diminished. How can we respond effectively in the face of the examples above?
Critical Communication Errors As I talk with people each week, I often hear about things people say that really get in the way of effective and respectful communication. I am not sure that it is often done with intention, or perhaps more often, in haste, out of impatience, or due to conflict. In any event, these words prevent understanding and often undermine the important relationships we have here at NDSU. Here are a few things to avoid, and how to respond to them: “Why would you do that?” “Shutting your door to avoid work isn’t going to help you.” *Making assumptions. You may have an idea about what’s going on for a person, but you have no way of knowing for sure until you ask. “That was simply WRONG.” (Criticizing) “This is all your fault.” (Blaming) “You know what your problem is?” (Diagnosing) Judging a person and what he or she is doing or saying results in defensiveness, misunderstanding, and even feeling unsafe. Offering solutions by: Ordering – “You need to fix that right away.” Threatening – “If you don’t do this, I won’t help you.” Moralizing – “You should apologize to her.” Excessive Questioning – “When did it happen?” “Are you sorry?” “What did you say then?” “Wow, do you regret saying that?” “What did he do then?” Advising – “Here is what I think you should do…” Surprise: Offering solutions in these ways can leave others feeling manipulated, coerced, demeaned, anxious, dependent and resentful. Avoiding concerns by: Diverting – “If you think that’s bad, let me tell you what happened to me!” Logical Argument – “If you keep saying that kind of stuff to Susan, you can expect this treatment.” Reassuring – “You have the tools to handle this. You’ll deal with it and get over it.” “This too shall pass.” Impact: When we avoid others’ concerns, they leave feeling unheard, unimportant, and diminished. How can we respond effectively in the face of the examples above?
Critical_Communication_Errors.docx