Communication styles Passive Aggressive Passive-aggressive Assertive Behaviour Keep quiet. Don’t say what you Express your feelings and wants Failure to meet the expectations Express your needs, wants and feel, need or want. Put yourself as though any other view is of other through feelings directly and honestly. Don’t ‘deniable’ down frequently. Apologise unreasonable or stupid. Dismiss, means: forgetting, being assume you are correct or that when you express yourself. ignore, or insult the needs, delayed, and so on. Deny everyone will feel the same way. Deny that you disagree with wants, and opinions of others. personal responsibility for your Allow others to hold other views others or feel differently actions. without dismissing or insulting them. Make yourself small. Look Make yourself large and Usually mimics the passive Body is relaxed, movements are down, hunch your shoulders, threatening. Eye contact is fixed style. casual, eye contact is frequent, but avoid eye contact. Speak and penetrating. Voice is loud, not glaring. softly. perhaps shouting. Beliefs Others’ needs are more Your needs are more important You are entitled to get your own Your needs and those of others are important than yours. They and more justified than theirs. way, even after making equally important. You have equal have rights; you don’t. Their You have rights; they don’t. Your commitments to others. You are rights to express yourselves. You contributions are valuable. contributions are valuable. not responsible for your actions. both have something valuable to Yours are worthless Theirs are silly, wrong or contribute. You are responsible for worthless. your behaviour. Emotions Fear of rejection. Angry or powerful at the time, Fear that you would be rejected You feel positive about yourself and Helplessness, frustration and and victorious when you win. if you were more assertive. the way you treat others. anger. Resentment toward Afterwards: remorse, guilt, or Resentment at the demands of rises. others who you. Reduced self-hatred for hurting others others. Fear of being ‘use’ self-respect confronted. Goals Avoid conflict. Please others at Win at any expense to others. Get your own way without Both you and others keep your any expense to yourself. Give Gain control over them. having to take responsibility. Express yourself without others control over you. having to win all the time. No one controls anyone else
Communication styles Passive Aggressive Passive-aggressive Assertive Behaviour Keep quiet. Don’t say what you feel, need or want. Put yourself down frequently. Apologise when you express yourself. Deny that you disagree with others or feel differently Express your feelings and wants as though any other view is unreasonable or stupid. Dismiss, ignore, or insult the needs, wants, and opinions of others. Failure to meet the expectations of other through ‘deniable’ means: forgetting, being delayed, and so on. Deny personal responsibility for your actions. Express your needs, wants and feelings directly and honestly. Don’t assume you are correct or that everyone will feel the same way. Allow others to hold other views without dismissing or insulting them. Make yourself small. Look down, hunch your shoulders, avoid eye contact. Speak softly. Make yourself large and threatening. Eye contact is fixed and penetrating. Voice is loud, perhaps shouting. Usually mimics the passive style. Body is relaxed, movements are casual, eye contact is frequent, but not glaring. Beliefs Others’ needs are more important than yours. They have rights; you don’t. Their contributions are valuable. Yours are worthless Your needs are more important and more justified than theirs. You have rights; they don’t. Your contributions are valuable. Theirs are silly, wrong or worthless. You are entitled to get your own way, even after making commitments to others. You are not responsible for your actions. Your needs and those of others are equally important. You have equal rights to express yourselves. You both have something valuable to contribute. You are responsible for your behaviour. Emotions Fear of rejection. Helplessness, frustration and anger. Resentment toward others who ‘use’ you. Reduced self-respect Angry or powerful at the time, and victorious when you win. Afterwards: remorse, guilt, or self-hatred for hurting others Fear that you would be rejected if you were more assertive. Resentment at the demands of others. Fear of being confronted. You feel positive about yourself and the way you treat others. rises. Goals Avoid conflict. Please others at any expense to yourself. Give others control over you. Win at any expense to others. Gain control over them. Get your own way without having to take responsibility. Both you and others keep your Express yourself without having to win all the time. No one controls anyone else
Communication-styles-completed-table.docx