versus people unknown to them nearly everyone *Tend to be cold, “unfriendly,” and wary *Treat close friends and casual towards strangers acquaintances alike *Feel much more secure in the company *Find friendliness of strangers normal of a few close friends and reassuring; people can be trusted *Employ a much more formal language *Their friendliness may appear shallow with strangers and insincere to Excluders *For many Asians, strangers don’t *Feel/think differently about close “exist,” even when they are close by friends, but this doesn’t show *Have very well-developed “social skills *Have well-developed “social skills for for closeness” superficial interactions” *Tend to have low need for social *Feel high need for social approval from approval from friends or strangers everyone, even strangers *Enjoy spending extended periods of *Are uncomfortable spending prolonged time with a close friend time with friends *Can be offended by an Includer friend’s *Tend to use the term “friend” very tendency to talk to everyone loosely *Are less comfortable than Includers *Others may interpret their friendliness with meeting new people. as a desire for friendship Realists Idealists *Do not hold idealized notions of their *Tend to hold positive illusions about closest friends their closest friends *Think about friends as having both *Think about their friends as having positive and negative traits mostly positive traits *On surveys, do not rate traits of friends *On surveys, rate their friends higher as highly as do Idealists than do Realists *Don’t see it as their role to boost the *Rate friends positively, indirectly egos of their closest friends enhancing their own self-esteem *Are comfortable speaking directly and *Tend to avoid strong disagreement with frankly with a close friend close friends *Can disagree strongly with a friend *Emphasize the positive when in the without it feeling like a conflict company of their close friends *Are less concerned about issues of face *Are concerned about issues of face with with their closest friends their closest friends *Rate friends less highly, thus lowering *Their positive ratings result in higher scores on relationship closeness scores on closeness *See friendships as predestined; thus not *See friendships as fragile, needing needing “maintenance” constant “maintenance”
versus people unknown to them *Tend to be cold, “unfriendly,” and wary towards strangers *Feel much more secure in the company of a few close friends *Employ a much more formal language with strangers *For many Asians, strangers don’t “exist,” even when they are close by *Have very well-developed “social skills for closeness” *Tend to have low need for social approval from friends or strangers *Enjoy spending extended periods of time with a close friend *Can be offended by an Includer friend’s tendency to talk to everyone *Are less comfortable than Includers with meeting new people. nearly everyone *Treat close friends and casual acquaintances alike *Find friendliness of strangers normal and reassuring; people can be trusted *Their friendliness may appear shallow and insincere to Excluders *Feel/think differently about close friends, but this doesn’t show *Have well-developed “social skills for superficial interactions” *Feel high need for social approval from everyone, even strangers *Are uncomfortable spending prolonged time with friends *Tend to use the term “friend” very loosely *Others may interpret their friendliness as a desire for friendship Realists *Do not hold idealized notions of their closest friends *Think about friends as having both positive and negative traits *On surveys, do not rate traits of friends as highly as do Idealists *Don’t see it as their role to boost the egos of their closest friends *Are comfortable speaking directly and frankly with a close friend *Can disagree strongly with a friend without it feeling like a conflict *Are less concerned about issues of face with their closest friends *Rate friends less highly, thus lowering scores on relationship closeness *See friendships as predestined; thus not needing “maintenance” Idealists *Tend to hold positive illusions about their closest friends *Think about their friends as having mostly positive traits *On surveys, rate their friends higher than do Realists *Rate friends positively, indirectly enhancing their own self-esteem *Tend to avoid strong disagreement with close friends *Emphasize the positive when in the company of their close friends *Are concerned about issues of face with their closest friends *Their positive ratings result in higher scores on closeness *See friendships as fragile, needing constant “maintenance”
WISEhandoutS16-1.docx