You’re ugly. _____ did it! You made me do it. Nobody loves me. In good times, the voice is playful, spontaneous, curious, etc. Let’s play again. outside and play. It’s raining; let’s go What is that? Why _____ ? Parent Voice In conflict, the voice is directive, judgmental, demanding, shaming, insulting, etc. do that! Don’t Put that down! Because I told you to! If you to you. weren’t _____, this wouldn’t happen In good times, the voice can be loving, supportive, kind, encouraging, etc. Great job. so proud of you. I’m I know you can do it. get it next time. You’ll Adult Voice In both good times and conflict, the adult voice is non-judgmental, fact-based, often asks questions to learn, believes in win-win, remains impartial, etc. What happened then? What are your options? What would happen after you did that? I agree with your choice, but your choice. don’t it’s Young children who must parent themselves, their siblings, and/or even their parents 4 51 will likely not have an adult voice. They lack the voice that allows for negotiation and peacemaking. The church tends to talk to the poor in a parent voice, and since even children can be in 4 51 the parent role, the voice is unbearable. It is offensive. It creates anger. church’s If the poor respond in their parent voice, they sound sarcastic. If they respond in the 4 51 voice, they feel subservient to the church member. And they have no adult voice. child’s The adult voice, the language of negotiation, is introduced by teaching adult phrases 4 51 then using them in skits. Other training programs are available. The parent voice can lead to verbal abuse and manipulation: 4 56 To eliminate verbal abuse it must be: defined and recognized 4 60 practice in role play use only adult voice
You’re ugly. _____ did it! You made me do it. Nobody loves me. In good times, the voice is playful, spontaneous, curious, etc. Let’s play again. It’s raining; let’s go outside and play. What is that? Why _____ ? Parent Voice In conflict, the voice is directive, judgmental, demanding, shaming, insulting, etc. Don’t do that! Put that down! Because I told you to! If you weren’t _____, this wouldn’t happen to you. In good times, the voice can be loving, supportive, kind, encouraging, etc. Great job. I’m so proud of you. I know you can do it. You’ll get it next time. Adult Voice In both good times and conflict, the adult voice is non-judgmental, fact-based, often asks questions to learn, believes in win-win, remains impartial, etc. What happened then? What are your options? What would happen after you did that? I don’t agree with your choice, but it’s your choice. 4 51 Young children who must parent themselves, their siblings, and/or even their parents will likely not have an adult voice. They lack the voice that allows for negotiation and peacemaking. 4 51 The church tends to talk to the poor in a parent voice, and since even children can be in the parent role, the church’s voice is unbearable. It is offensive. It creates anger. 4 51 If the poor respond in their parent voice, they sound sarcastic. If they respond in the child’s voice, they feel subservient to the church member. And they have no adult voice. 4 51 The adult voice, the language of negotiation, is introduced by teaching adult phrases then using them in skits. Other training programs are available. 4 56 The parent voice can lead to verbal abuse and manipulation: 4 60 To eliminate verbal abuse it must be: defined and recognized practice in role play use only adult voice
what-every-church-member.docx