Some of our kids who come into care are not to be confused with Star Trek’s “cling-ons,” Klingons. What I mean is that they cling on to you. These are kids who have been in your home for only a day or two and are already calling you mommy and daddy and saying that they just love you so much and that you will be their forever family. Now these children do not somehow intuitively know how wonderful a person you are. These kids have an attachment issue and will go with just about anyone who shows them attention. Kids who have an insecure attachment like this are also particularly vulnerable to predators. Special focus will need to be given to teach these kids healthy boundaries, language to use to get their needs met, and ways to self-soothe when someone is not available. They will also need other healthy ways of getting the need to belong met, outside of their relationship with you. Discussion Lead a quick discussion. Sample dialog: Trainer (T): What are some of the healthy ways that kids get this need met? Participant (P): Sports, scouts, family chores, school activities, cultural activities T: The next basic need is enjoyment. What do you think would be some examples for this one? P: Drawing on the wall, playing with food, listening to loud music, prank calls T: Next up is power or freedom. In general, people in our society spend a tremendous amount of time trying to exercise power and control over things that are out of their span of control. What are some examples? P: Weather, politics, taxes, time, traffic, death, spouses, other people, other people’s children, other people attitudes, beliefs and drama T: And how do we feel when we try to control things that are out of our control? P: Frustrated, powerless, and defeated T: Essentially, what you are saying is that when people try to control things out of their span of control, they suffer. Why do we cause so much suffering for ourselves? Parents often have real trouble with this, because when children are small we can often overpower them or scare them into submission. If you really want to see how much power you have then just try to make a child swallow her food, go to the bathroom when and where you want him to, or make them go to
Some of our kids who come into care are “cling-ons,” not to be confused with Star Trek’s Klingons. What I mean is that they cling on to you. These are kids who have been in your home for only a day or two and are already calling you mommy and daddy and saying that they just love you so much and that you will be their forever family. Now these children do not somehow intuitively know how wonderful a person you are. These kids have an attachment issue and will go with just about anyone who shows them attention. Kids who have an insecure attachment like this are also particularly vulnerable to predators. Special focus will need to be given to teach these kids healthy boundaries, language to use to get their needs met, and ways to self-soothe when someone is not available. They will also need other healthy ways of getting the need to belong met, outside of their relationship with you. Discussion Lead a quick discussion. Sample dialog: Trainer (T): What are some of the healthy ways that kids get this need met? Participant (P): Sports, scouts, family chores, school activities, cultural activities T: The next basic need is enjoyment. What do you think would be some examples for this one? P: Drawing on the wall, playing with food, listening to loud music, prank calls T: Next up is power or freedom. In general, people in our society spend a tremendous amount of time trying to exercise power and control over things that are out of their span of control. What are some examples? P: Weather, politics, taxes, time, traffic, death, spouses, other people, other people’s children, other people attitudes, beliefs and drama T: And how do we feel when we try to control things that are out of our control? P: Frustrated, powerless, and defeated T: Essentially, what you are saying is that when people try to control things out of their span of control, they suffer. Why do we cause so much suffering for ourselves? Parents often have real trouble with this, because when children are small we can often overpower them or scare them into submission. If you really want to see how much power you have then just try to make a child swallow her food, go to the bathroom when and where you want him to, or make them go to
Trainer%20Manual%20-%20Session%206%20Option%20B.docx