Ken Cloke is a leader in the mediation and conflict transformation field. The following chart sets out differences in language, its purposes and consequences. If your language takes the form of the Language of Interests, while you are working with family members and difficult parties, you will be more successful in building a good relationship, maintaining trust, and eliciting valuable information. The language Applicable to Examples Domestic cases Language Favored by power-based Used by abusers You must … of Power organizations, such as military, police. and perpetrators of You shall … Requires clarity, simplicity and uniform domestic violence. You will … interpretation in order to encourage unthinking obedience. or else … Used by Takes the form of declarations, because I said … authoritarian pronouncements, and orders, which so, why. that’s parents. reinforce hierarchy and command, and imply punishment and contempt for those who disobey. Language Favored by rights-based organizations Used by victims of You should … of Rights such as legal institutions, domestic violence, You ought to … bureaucracies. Requires narrow as they remove You need to … distinctions, exceptions and themselves from adjudicated interpretations in order to danger, and realize You have a right to maintain control by permitting some they deserve don’t … behaviors and forbidding others. the behavior You are entitled to Takes the form of rules and … regulations, policies and procedures, Used by parents, which reinforce bureaucracy and setting rules and control and imply coercion and boundaries for censure for those who do not comply. children Language Favored by interest-based Used by parties You could … of organizations such as teams, civil who are able to You might consider society, and radically democratic Interests successfully. … states. Requires affirmation of What would happen diversity, dissent, and dialogue in order Recognizes nuance if you … to encourage collaboration and and of “shades participation. What would you like rather than gray” to have happen? Takes the form of open-ended seeing things in questions, public dialogues, Why black/white rules, and concensus decision manner. What do you think making, which reinforce social equality, will happen if you economic equity and political … democracy.
Ken Cloke is a leader in the mediation and conflict transformation field. The following chart sets out differences in language, its purposes and consequences. If your language takes the form of the Language of Interests, while you are working with family members and difficult parties, you will be more successful in building a good relationship, maintaining trust, and eliciting valuable information. The language Applicable to Domestic cases Examples Language of Power Favored by power-based organizations, such as military, police. Requires clarity, simplicity and uniform interpretation in order to encourage unthinking obedience. Takes the form of declarations, pronouncements, and orders, which reinforce hierarchy and command, and imply punishment and contempt for those who disobey. Used by abusers and perpetrators of domestic violence. Used by authoritarian parents. You must … You shall … You will … … or else … because I said so, that’s why. Language of Rights Favored by rights-based organizations such as legal institutions, bureaucracies. Requires narrow distinctions, exceptions and adjudicated interpretations in order to maintain control by permitting some behaviors and forbidding others. Takes the form of rules and regulations, policies and procedures, which reinforce bureaucracy and control and imply coercion and censure for those who do not comply. Used by victims of domestic violence, as they remove themselves from danger, and realize they don’t deserve the behavior Used by parents, setting rules and boundaries for children You should … You ought to … You need to … You have a right to … You are entitled to … Language of Interests Favored by interest-based organizations such as teams, civil society, and radically democratic states. Requires affirmation of diversity, dissent, and dialogue in order to encourage collaboration and participation. Takes the form of open-ended questions, public dialogues, rules, and concensus decision making, which reinforce social equality, economic equity and political democracy. Used by parties who are able to successfully. Recognizes nuance and “shades of gray” rather than seeing things in black/white manner. You could … You might consider … What would happen if you … What would you like to have happen? Why What do you think will happen if you …
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