Conversations about illness and death will be painful for everyone, and nothing can take away the pain of a but open, honest conversations help children to child’s loss, make sense of what is happening and the physical changes they see. It will reinforce the trust between you and enable you to grieve together and prepare together for what is ahead. Parents often want to know when they should talk to their children. As a general rule the sooner the better. Remember that other people inside and outside the family will also know about the illness so talking to your children early on, reduces the chances of them overhearing conversations or hearing information from people other than you. If children happening from other people and they know that you find out what’s can make it harder for them to trust you in the future. haven’t told them, it that you have to tell them everything in one go. Think about it as That doesn’t mean a process rather than a one-off conversation and make it appropriate to their age and understanding. It can be easier to have difficult conversations when you’re doing other things, washing up or taking the dog for a walk, especially with older children who may find it difficult to make eye contact. A good place to start is to ask them what they think is happening and what information they want to know. Some want a lot, others just need the bare bones, although this may change as time goes on. important that children feel they can It’s ask questions including whether the person is going to die and that they will be – – answered honestly. There will be questions you as when someone is going to die, but can’t answer, such if you know to say so. Language is important too. There are a whole don’t it’s ok range of euphemisms that we to - that can use like ‘pass on’, ‘go sleep’, ‘go home’ leave a child feeling confused and uncertain. Don't shy away from using words like and it provides clarity and certainty. ‘death’ ‘dying’-
Conversations about illness and death will be painful for everyone, and nothing can take away the pain of a child’s loss, but open, honest conversations help children to make sense of what is happening and the physical changes they see. It will reinforce the trust between you and enable you to grieve together and prepare together for what is ahead. Parents often want to know when they should talk to their children. As a general rule the sooner the better. Remember that other people inside and outside the family will also know about the illness so talking to your children early on, reduces the chances of them overhearing conversations or hearing information from people other than you. If children find out what’s happening from other people and they know that you haven’t told them, it can make it harder for them to trust you in the future. That doesn’t mean that you have to tell them everything in one go. Think about it as a process rather than a one-off conversation and make it appropriate to their age and understanding. It can be easier to have difficult conversations when you’re doing other things, washing up or taking the dog for a walk, especially with older children who may find it difficult to make eye contact. A good place to start is to ask them what they think is happening and what information they want to know. Some want a lot, others just need the bare bones, although this may change as time goes on. It’s important that children feel they can ask questions – including whether the person is going to die – and that they will be answered honestly. There will be questions you can’t answer, such as when someone is going to die, but if you don’t know it’s ok to say so. Language is important too. There are a whole range of euphemisms that we use like ‘pass on’, ‘go to sleep’, ‘go home’ - that can leave a child feeling confused and uncertain. Don't shy away from using words like ‘death’ and ‘dying’- it provides clarity and certainty.
Honesty-comes-first-when-talking-to-children-about-bereavement-by-Dorothy-House-Hospice-Care.docx