Collaboratively engage in negotiation, problem-solving or problem management; this starts with problem definition, then goes step by step through collaborative problem solving (management); NOTE: this kind of problem-solving works better with some kinds of problems than others; and, the person can opt out and move instead to acceptance at any point, if desired, but ideally not because of exasperation) IF both people are using good skills (accurate expression, validation), this can lead to nice, joint ownership of a solution, and mutual support to implement the solution. But, this is very hard to do! That’s why it is at the end. Also, this can sometimes prove impossible…either the problem literally cannot be solved regardless of desire (lack of skills, or laws of physics and behavior), or one or both people are not willing to give up what is needed to satisfy the other (and vice-versa). Use a Double Chain Analysis either to help with creating a solution or implementing the solution you generate (problem solving), OR a double chain can be used on its own to understand the other person better and change the larger pattern of interacting AROUND the problem (managing, rather than solving it) The chain can be more useful for some problems (more relational) than for others (more technical) The double chain can be used to help increase understanding and validation (acceptance) or to help with problem solving (change) III. Then, when the person has tried all available options to get what he or she wants (at least for this moment) back to “Radical Acceptance” or “Acceptance and Closeness” skills, step-by step, to help the person still want what he or she gets.
Collaboratively engage in negotiation, problem-solving or problem management; this starts with problem definition, then goes step by step through collaborative problem solving (management); NOTE: this kind of problem-solving works better with some kinds of problems than others; and, the person can opt out and move instead to acceptance at any point, if desired, but ideally not because of exasperation) IF both people are using good skills (accurate expression, validation), this can lead to nice, joint ownership of a solution, and mutual support to implement the solution. But, this is very hard to do! That’s why it is at the end. Also, this can sometimes prove impossible…either the problem literally cannot be solved regardless of desire (lack of skills, or laws of physics and behavior), or one or both people are not willing to give up what is needed to satisfy the other (and vice-versa). Use a Double Chain Analysis either to help with creating a solution or implementing the solution you generate (problem solving), OR a double chain can be used on its own to understand the other person better and change the larger pattern of interacting AROUND the problem (managing, rather than solving it) The chain can be more useful for some problems (more relational) than for others (more technical) The double chain can be used to help increase understanding and validation (acceptance) or to help with problem solving (change) III. Then, when the person has tried all available options to get what he or she wants (at least for this moment) back to “Radical Acceptance” or “Acceptance and Closeness” skills, step-by step, to help the person still want what he or she gets.
FCModule6ProblemManagementTNDRAFTwithAlansnotesFall2015.docx