Recalling the history of the events, as she presumes it had happened, appears to have extended the unhappy and sad feelings for her. Whilst the details remain unconfirmed she has had periods of sadness where she has explored possible permutations of the events, and even as she speaks now, some 9 years later, her speech is in the present tense suggesting that this episode continues to make her feel sad. The emphasis seems to have shifted from the ‘breakup’ of her parents to the lack of information, and to the fact that she has unconfirmed details as to why her parent’s relationship ended. It leaves her with a feeling of disconnection to the family and particularly her parents, because of the way she has been excluded from the information. Once again, it can be seen that the emotional management is challenging because of the position that they occupy as a child. They have been judged by the adults in these situations to not be emotionally competent, in the traditional developmental way (Saarni 1990), being able to deal with the reality of what is occurring, and are therefore they given limited information. Both Jessica and Mary however view the world differently to the adults. They see that they there is more to the story, and have to not only deal with these feelings of rejection, where they are seen as not able to hear the information, but also to manage the feelings it generates. This could be viewed as them managing their emotions in a complex set of circumstances and are in deep demonstrating an emotional competence in the way in which they are responding to their audience. They are both engaged in a considerable amount of deep acting, which involves significant relationships in their lives, but neither of them share their feelings with the adults concerned. For others the loss of control was not around information specifically, but more to do with life events and dying. For Penny the loss was of a grandparent which created feelings of
Recalling the history of the events, as she presumes it had happened, appears to have extended the unhappy and sad feelings for her. Whilst the details remain unconfirmed she has had periods of sadness where she has explored possible permutations of the events, and even as she speaks now, some 9 years later, her speech is in the present tense suggesting that this episode continues to make her feel sad. The emphasis seems to have shifted from the ‘breakup’ of her parents to the lack of information, and to the fact that she has unconfirmed details as to why her parent’s relationship ended. It leaves her with a feeling of disconnection to the family and particularly her parents, because of the way she has been excluded from the information. Once again, it can be seen that the emotional management is challenging because of the position that they occupy as a child. They have been judged by the adults in these situations to not be emotionally competent, in the traditional developmental way (Saarni 1990), being able to deal with the reality of what is occurring, and are therefore they given limited information. Both Jessica and Mary however view the world differently to the adults. They see that they there is more to the story, and have to not only deal with these feelings of rejection, where they are seen as not able to hear the information, but also to manage the feelings it generates. This could be viewed as them managing their emotions in a complex set of circumstances and are in deep demonstrating an emotional competence in the way in which they are responding to their audience. They are both engaged in a considerable amount of deep acting, which involves significant relationships in their lives, but neither of them share their feelings with the adults concerned. For others the loss of control was not around information specifically, but more to do with life events and dying. For Penny the loss was of a grandparent which created feelings of
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