Appendix D Assertive – behavior looks like… People tend to display different patterns of behaviour depending on the situation they are experiencing. The common categories are: × Flight × Fight Flow (Passive) (Aggressive) (Assertive) Assertive behaviour means we communicate what we think, feel and want in a way that respects the other person. It is honest and appropriate verbal and non-verbal communication. The following tables provide you with an outline that describes these different communication techniques. Non-verbal behaviour Passive - Flight Aggressive - Fight Assertive - Flow Body Hunching shoulders Finger pointing Open hand movements movement Covering mouth with Fists clenched Sitting/standing upright hands and relaxed Crossing arms Crossing arms for (unapproachable) protection Eye contact Evasive Trying to stare down and Firm direct eye contact intimidate without staring Looking down Facial Ghost smiles when Smiling may become Smiling when pleased expression expressing anger or sneering Frowning when angry being criticised Scowling when angry Features steady Raising eyebrows Jaw set firmly Jaw relaxed Jaw trembling, lip biting Speech Hesitant and filled Fluent, few hesitations Fluent, few hesitations pattern with pauses Often abrupt, clipped Emphasising key words Fast to slow language Emphasising blaming Steady, even pace Frequent throat words clearing Often fast Voice Often dull, Sarcastic tone Steady and firm monotonous Hard and sharp Middle range tone Quiet, often dropping Strident, often shouting, Sincere and clear away rising at the end Singsong tone Verbal behaviour Passive - Flight Aggressive - Fight Assertive - Flow Type of Long rambling Excessive emphasis on statements that are brief, “I” “I language statements clear and to the point view “My is…”, “I think” Fill in words “I like”, “I feel”, “I prefer” Boastfulness Distinction between fact “maybe”, “er”, “sort of” got problems like “I haven’t and opinion Frequent justifications you” experience is say Opinion expressed as fact “My different” “I wouldn’t normally Suggestions without anything, only…” a useless way to do “That’s or ‘should’ ‘ought’ Apologies to behave it.”, “Nobody wants like you to that” “How about…”, “Would “I’m terribly sorry
Appendix D – Assertive behavior looks like… People tend to display different patterns of behaviour depending on the situation they are experiencing. The common categories are: × Flight (Passive) × Fight (Aggressive) Flow (Assertive) Assertive behaviour means we communicate what we think, feel and want in a way that respects the other person. It is honest and appropriate verbal and non-verbal communication. The following tables provide you with an outline that describes these different communication techniques. Non-verbal behaviour Passive - Flight Aggressive - Fight Assertive - Flow Body movement Hunching shoulders Covering mouth with hands Crossing arms for protection Finger pointing Fists clenched Crossing arms (unapproachable) Open hand movements Sitting/standing upright and relaxed Eye contact Evasive Looking down Trying to stare down and intimidate Firm direct eye contact without staring Facial expression Ghost smiles when expressing anger or being criticised Raising eyebrows Jaw trembling, lip biting Smiling may become sneering Scowling when angry Jaw set firmly Smiling when pleased Frowning when angry Features steady Jaw relaxed Speech pattern Hesitant and filled with pauses Fast to slow language Frequent throat clearing Fluent, few hesitations Often abrupt, clipped Emphasising blaming words Often fast Fluent, few hesitations Emphasising key words Steady, even pace Voice Often dull, monotonous Quiet, often dropping away Singsong tone Sarcastic tone Hard and sharp Strident, often shouting, rising at the end Steady and firm Middle range tone Sincere and clear Verbal behaviour Passive - Flight Aggressive - Fight Assertive - Flow Type of language Long rambling statements Fill in words “maybe”, “er”, “sort of” Frequent justifications “I wouldn’t normally say anything, only…” Apologies “I’m terribly sorry to Excessive emphasis on “I” “My view is…”, “I think” Boastfulness “I haven’t got problems like you” Opinion expressed as fact “That’s a useless way to do it.”, “Nobody wants to behave like that” “I statements that are brief, clear and to the point “I like”, “I feel”, “I prefer” Distinction between fact and opinion “My experience is different” Suggestions without ‘should’ or ‘ought’ “How about…”, “Would you