and are able to explore their environments because they feel they have a secure base. Slide 67 Bids for Connection The way parents respond to older children is also important to children’s social and emotional development. Children of all ages reach out for attention and affection to build positive bonds. This is often referred to as making bids. Researcher and author John Gottman describes bids as attempts to create a connection between two people. Their purpose is to keep the relationship moving forward in a positive direction. We all make bids to our partners, colleagues, and others. NOTES: – Children constantly make bids for connection to their parents and caregivers for attention, affection, reassurance, and help. How parents – and caregivers respond to these bids has a big influence on children. It affects their sense of self, feelings about their parents, and whether or not they will continue making bids in the future. Sometimes misbehavior is a bid for connection, especially if other bids have gone unnoticed or were not successful. Children love when parents watch them perform, try something new, and provide encouragement. Responding positively when children bid for attention or affection provides children assurance that parents care for them. Think back to our discussion about Time for 9,” children make numerous bids for “Make connection, and many of them occur during these segments of 9 minutes. There are three ways to respond to a person’s bid for connection: Turning away Turning against Turning toward Example: (Share the following, or think of your own example) When a young child first jumped off the diving board with a lifejacket, he really wanted his dad to watch. He called out to his dad over and over. He wanted to connect. After he jumped in and came up out of the water where did he immediately look? What was the parent’s reaction? If you were that child, how would you want your parent to react? The father went crazy cheering for him! What would have happened if he was on his phone when he came up out of the water? Or not looking? Or said something mean, like about time you jump in, you little baby!” “It’s Questions: Why do children do that constantly?
and are able to explore their environments because they feel they have a secure base. Slide 67 Bids for Connection The way parents respond to older children is also important to children’s social and emotional development. Children of all ages reach out for attention and affection to build positive bonds. This is often referred to as making bids. Researcher and author John Gottman describes bids as attempts to create a connection between two people. Their purpose is to keep the relationship moving forward in a positive direction. We all make bids – to our partners, colleagues, and others. NOTES: Children constantly make bids for connection to their parents and caregivers – for attention, affection, reassurance, and help. How parents and caregivers respond to these bids has a big influence on children. It affects their sense of self, feelings about their parents, and whether or not they will continue making bids in the future. Sometimes misbehavior is a bid for connection, especially if other bids have gone unnoticed or were not successful. Children love when parents watch them perform, try something new, and provide encouragement. Responding positively when children bid for attention or affection provides children assurance that parents care for them. Think back to our discussion about “Make Time for 9,” children make numerous bids for connection, and many of them occur during these segments of 9 minutes. There are three ways to respond to a person’s bid for connection: Turning away Turning against Turning toward Example: (Share the following, or think of your own example) When a young child first jumped off the diving board with a lifejacket, he really wanted his dad to watch. He called out to his dad over and over. He wanted to connect. After he jumped in and came up out of the water where did he immediately look? What was the parent’s reaction? If you were that child, how would you want your parent to react? The father went crazy cheering for him! What would have happened if he was on his phone when he came up out of the water? Or not looking? Or said something mean, like “It’s about time you jump in, you little baby!” Questions: Why do children do that constantly?