Appendix Feelings as Messengers Chart Feeling Stimulus Message Need or Response Fear Real or perceived There is danger. I need to get safe. danger I am threatened or I need protection, in peril. support, or I find new ideas and reassurance for relationships scary. trying new behaviors or ways of being. Anger Real or perceived There is a violation. I need to set limits, violation My boundaries have to reestablish been crossed. boundaries, My expectations to renegotiate have been smashed. expectations. Sadness Real or anticipated There is a loss. I need comfort, loss I am experiencing or space, or support to anticipating grieve, remember, bereavement. and let go (as I liked things the appropriate). way they were. Peace Deep awareness of I am centered. I need to continue to connectedness I am connected to be focused, God and myself centered, or (and others). connected. Power or Agency Accomplishment or I am competent. I need to continue to anticipated success I am able. foster my own competence and to empower others. Joy Inner gratitude, awe, I am excited, happy. I need to continue to wonder relish the joy and share it as appropriate. Adapted with permission from a VISIONS-Inc. training tool (). See also William Kondrath, Tapestry: Understanding and Celebrating Differences (Alban Institute, God’s 2008). Also William Kondrath, (Alban Institute, Facing Feelings in Faith Communities 2013).
Appendix Feelings as Messengers Chart Feeling Stimulus Message Need or Response Fear Real or perceived danger There is danger. I am threatened or in peril. I find new ideas and relationships scary. I need to get safe. I need protection, support, or reassurance for trying new behaviors or ways of being. Anger Real or perceived violation There is a violation. My boundaries have been crossed. My expectations have been smashed. I need to set limits, to reestablish boundaries, to renegotiate expectations. Sadness Real or anticipated loss There is a loss. I am experiencing or anticipating bereavement. I liked things the way they were. I need comfort, space, or support to grieve, remember, and let go (as appropriate). Peace Deep awareness of connectedness I am centered. I am connected to God and myself (and others). I need to continue to be focused, centered, or connected. Power or Agency Accomplishment or anticipated success I am competent. I am able. I need to continue to foster my own competence and to empower others. Joy Inner gratitude, awe, wonder I am excited, happy. I need to continue to relish the joy and share it as appropriate. Adapted with permission from a VISIONS-Inc. training tool (). See also William Kondrath, God’s Tapestry: Understanding and Celebrating Differences (Alban Institute, 2008). Also William Kondrath, Facing Feelings in Faith Communities (Alban Institute, 2013).