Chapter: SCENE II.

Verona. The garden Of JULIA'S house

Enter JULIA and LUCETTA

  JULIA. But say, Lucetta, now we are alone,
    Wouldst thou then counsel me to fall in love?
  LUCETTA. Ay, madam; so you stumble not unheedfully.
  JULIA. Of all the fair resort of gentlemen
    That every day with parle encounter me,
    In thy opinion which is worthiest love?
  LUCETTA. Please you, repeat their names; I'll show my mind
    According to my shallow simple skill.
  JULIA. What think'st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour?
  LUCETTA. As of a knight well-spoken, neat, and fine;
    But, were I you, he never should be mine.
  JULIA. What think'st thou of the rich Mercatio?
  LUCETTA. Well of his wealth; but of himself, so so.
  JULIA. What think'st thou of the gentle Proteus?
  LUCETTA. Lord, Lord! to see what folly reigns in us!
  JULIA. How now! what means this passion at his name?
  LUCETTA. Pardon, dear madam; 'tis a passing shame
    That I, unworthy body as I am,
    Should censure thus on lovely gentlemen.
  JULIA. Why not on Proteus, as of all the rest?
  LUCETTA. Then thus: of many good I think him best.
  JULIA. Your reason?
  LUCETTA. I have no other but a woman's reason:
    I think him so, because I think him so.
  JULIA. And wouldst thou have me cast my love on him?
  LUCETTA. Ay, if you thought your love not cast away.
  JULIA. Why, he, of all the rest, hath never mov'd me.
  LUCETTA. Yet he, of all the rest, I think, best loves ye.
  JULIA. His little speaking shows his love but small.
  LUCETTA. Fire that's closest kept burns most of all.
  JULIA. They do not love that do not show their love.
  LUCETTA. O, they love least that let men know their love.
  JULIA. I would I knew his mind.
  LUCETTA. Peruse this paper, madam.
  JULIA. 'To Julia'- Say, from whom?
  LUCETTA. That the contents will show.
  JULIA. Say, say, who gave it thee?
  LUCETTA. Sir Valentine's page; and sent, I think, from Proteus.
    He would have given it you; but I, being in the way,
    Did in your name receive it; pardon the fault, I pray.
  JULIA. Now, by my modesty, a goodly broker!
    Dare you presume to harbour wanton lines?
    To whisper and conspire against my youth?
    Now, trust me, 'tis an office of great worth,
    And you an officer fit for the place.
    There, take the paper; see it be return'd;
    Or else return no more into my sight.
  LUCETTA. To plead for love deserves more fee than hate.
  JULIA. Will ye be gone?
  LUCETTA. That you may ruminate.                           Exit
  JULIA. And yet, I would I had o'erlook'd the letter.
    It were a shame to call her back again,
    And pray her to a fault for which I chid her.
    What fool is she, that knows I am a maid
    And would not force the letter to my view!
    Since maids, in modesty, say 'No' to that
    Which they would have the profferer construe 'Ay.'
    Fie, fie, how wayward is this foolish love,
    That like a testy babe will scratch the nurse,
    And presently, all humbled, kiss the rod!
    How churlishly I chid Lucetta hence,
    When willingly I would have had her here!
    How angerly I taught my brow to frown,
    When inward joy enforc'd my heart to smile!
    My penance is to call Lucetta back
    And ask remission for my folly past.
    What ho! Lucetta!

                     Re-enter LUCETTA

  LUCETTA. What would your ladyship?
  JULIA. Is't near dinner time?
  LUCETTA. I would it were,
    That you might kill your stomach on your meat
    And not upon your maid.
  JULIA. What is't that you took up so gingerly?
  LUCETTA. Nothing.
  JULIA. Why didst thou stoop then?
  LUCETTA. To take a paper up that I let fall.
  JULIA. And is that paper nothing?
  LUCETTA. Nothing concerning me.
  JULIA. Then let it lie for those that it concerns.
  LUCETTA. Madam, it will not lie where it concerns,
    Unless it have a false interpreter.
  JULIA. Some love of yours hath writ to you in rhyme.
  LUCETTA. That I might sing it, madam, to a tune.
    Give me a note; your ladyship can set.
  JULIA. As little by such toys as may be possible.
    Best sing it to the tune of 'Light o' Love.'
  LUCETTA. It is too heavy for so light a tune.
  JULIA. Heavy! belike it hath some burden then.
  LUCETTA. Ay; and melodious were it, would you sing it.
  JULIA. And why not you?
  LUCETTA. I cannot reach so high.
  JULIA. Let's see your song.     [LUCETTA withholds the letter]
    How now, minion!
  LUCETTA. Keep tune there still, so you will sing it out.
    And yet methinks I do not like this tune.
  JULIA. You do not!
  LUCETTA. No, madam; 'tis too sharp.
  JULIA. You, minion, are too saucy.
  LUCETTA. Nay, now you are too flat
    And mar the concord with too harsh a descant;
    There wanteth but a mean to fill your song.
  JULIA. The mean is drown'd with your unruly bass.
  LUCETTA. Indeed, I bid the base for Proteus.
  JULIA. This babble shall not henceforth trouble me.
    Here is a coil with protestation!         [Tears the letter]
    Go, get you gone; and let the papers lie.
    You would be fing'ring them, to anger me.
  LUCETTA. She makes it strange; but she would be best pleas'd
    To be so ang'red with another letter.                   Exit
  JULIA. Nay, would I were so ang'red with the same!
    O hateful hands, to tear such loving words!
    Injurious wasps, to feed on such sweet honey
    And kill the bees that yield it with your stings!
    I'll kiss each several paper for amends.
    Look, here is writ 'kind Julia.' Unkind Julia,
    As in revenge of thy ingratitude,
    I throw thy name against the bruising stones,
    Trampling contemptuously on thy disdain.
    And here is writ 'love-wounded Proteus.'
    Poor wounded name! my bosom,,as a bed,
    Shall lodge thee till thy wound be throughly heal'd;
    And thus I search it with a sovereign kiss.
    But twice or thrice was 'Proteus' written down.
    Be calm, good wind, blow not a word away
    Till I have found each letter in the letter-
    Except mine own name; that some whirlwind bear
    Unto a ragged, fearful, hanging rock,
    And throw it thence into the raging sea.
    Lo, here in one line is his name twice writ:
    'Poor forlorn Proteus, passionate Proteus,
    To the sweet Julia.' That I'll tear away;
    And yet I will not, sith so prettily
    He couples it to his complaining names.
    Thus will I fold them one upon another;
    Now kiss, embrace, contend, do what you will.

                        Re-enter LUCETTA

  LUCETTA. Madam,
    Dinner is ready, and your father stays.
  JULIA. Well, let us go.
  LUCETTA. What, shall these papers lie like tell-tales here?
  JULIA. If you respect them, best to take them up.
  LUCETTA. Nay, I was taken up for laying them down;
    Yet here they shall not lie for catching cold.
  JULIA. I see you have a month's mind to them.
  LUCETTA. Ay, madam, you may say what sights you see;
    I see things too, although you judge I wink.
  JULIA. Come, come; will't please you go?                Exeunt

 Meanwhile, Julia is lounging around her garden having a little girl talk with her woman in waiting, Lucetta. Julia is in desperate need of some advice about the following: Should she fall in love? If so, which one of her dozens of suitors should she hook up with? Julia ticks off a few names of guys who are drooling over her before she gets around to asking Lucetta what she thinks of Proteus. Lucetta's first response is something like "That clown?" But then she catches herself and says what Julia wants to hear--that Proteus is the best of the lot. Plus, he seems to love Julia the most. Julia wonders why Proteus hasn't proposed to her yet and declares that you can measure a guy's love by the amount of time he spends telling you he loves you. According to Julia, Proteus hasn't spent nearly enough time doing this. Then Lucetta is all, "Oh yeah, this letter from Proteus came for you earlier" and gives Julia the love letter. She also says that, um, she may have led the page to believe that she was Julia and accepted the letter in Julia's name. Julia is miffed! How could Lucetta accept a secret love letter on her behalf? Sneaking around is bad behavior for a lady of Julia's class, and she can't believe Lucetta represented her so poorly. Doesn't she take her job seriously? Sheesh. Julia orders Lucetta to return the letter to Proteus. Now. As soon as Lucetta leaves, Julia regrets her decision. She pretended to be mad that Proteus sent her a letter when deep down inside she was jumping for joy. She calls back Lucetta, who returns and then plays "keep away" with the letter and teases Julia about Proteus. Julia, who is now back in tantrum mode, grabs the letter and tears it to shreds to demonstrate that she doesn't really care about love. Julia's roller coaster ride of emotions isn't over--she immediately bends down and gathers the bits and pieces of the letter. She reads each snippet of paper aloud and tries to piece the fragments together. Lucetta comes back and tells Julia dinner's ready, and Julia again pretends not to care about the letter, even though Lucetta saw here picking up all the pieces. Lucetta lets her know she sees what's going on, even if Julia likes to pretend otherwise. Then they head off to get some grub.

