Chapter: SCENE VII

  TARTUFFE, AN OFFICER, MADAME PERNELLE, ORGON, ELMIRE, CLEANTE,
  MARIANE, VALERE, DAMIS, DORINE


  TARTUFFE (stopping Orgon)
  Softly, sir, softly; do not run so fast;
  You haven't far to go to find your lodging;
  By order of the prince, we here arrest you.

  ORGON
  Traitor! You saved this worst stroke for the last;
  This crowns your perfidies, and ruins me.

  TARTUFFE
  I shall not be embittered by your insults,
  For Heaven has taught me to endure all things.

  CLEANTE
  Your moderation, I must own, is great.

  DAMIS
  How shamelessly the wretch makes bold with Heaven!

  TARTUFFE
  Your ravings cannot move me; all my thought
  Is but to do my duty.

  MARIANE
  You must claim
  Great glory from this honourable act.

  TARTUFFE
  The act cannot be aught but honourable,
  Coming from that high power which sends me here.

  ORGON
  Ungrateful wretch, do you forget 'twas I
  That rescued you from utter misery?

  TARTUFFE
  I've not forgot some help you may have given;
  But my first duty now is toward my prince.
  The higher power of that most sacred claim
  Must stifle in my heart all gratitude;
  And to such puissant ties I'd sacrifice
  My friend, my wife, my kindred, and myself.

  ELMIRE
  The hypocrite!

  DORINE
  How well he knows the trick
  Of cloaking him with what we most revere!

  CLEANTE
  But if the motive that you make parade of
  Is perfect as you say, why should it wait
  To show itself, until the day he caught you
  Soliciting his wife? How happens it
  You have not thought to go inform against him
  Until his honour forces him to drive you
  Out of his house? And though I need not mention
  That he'd just given you his whole estate,
  Still, if you meant to treat him now as guilty,
  How could you then consent to take his gift?

  TARTUFFE (to the Officer)
  Pray, sir, deliver me from all this clamour;
  Be good enough to carry out your order.

  THE OFFICER
  Yes, I've too long delayed its execution;
  'Tis very fitting you should urge me to it;
  So therefore, you must follow me at once
  To prison, where you'll find your lodging ready.

  TARTUFFE
  Who? I, sir?

  THE OFFICER
  You.

  TARTUFFE
  By why to prison?

  THE OFFICER
  You
  Are not the one to whom I owe account.
  You, sir (to Orgon), recover from your hot alarm.
  Our prince is not a friend to double dealing,
  His eyes can read men's inmost hearts, and all
  The art of hypocrites cannot deceive him.
  His sharp discernment sees things clear and true;
  His mind cannot too easily be swayed,
  For reason always holds the balance even.
  He honours and exalts true piety,
  But knows the false, and views it with disgust.
  This fellow was by no means apt to fool him,
  Far subtler snares have failed against his wisdom,
  And his quick insight pierced immediately
  The hidden baseness of this tortuous heart.
  Accusing you, the knave betrayed himself,
  And by true recompense of Heaven's justice
  He stood revealed before our monarch's eyes
  A scoundrel known before by other names,
  Whose horrid crimes, detailed at length, might fill
  A long-drawn history of many volumes.
  Our monarch--to resolve you in a word--
  Detesting his ingratitude and baseness,
  Added this horror to his other crimes,
  And sent me hither under his direction
  To see his insolence out-top itself,
  And force him then to give you satisfaction.
  Your papers, which the traitor says are his,
  I am to take from him, and give you back;
  The deed of gift transferring your estate
  Our monarch's sovereign will makes null and void;
  And for the secret personal offence
  Your friend involved you in, he pardons you:
  Thus he rewards your recent zeal, displayed
  In helping to maintain his rights, and shows
  How well his heart, when it is least expected,
  Knows how to recompense a noble deed,
  And will not let true merit miss its due,
  Remembering always rather good than evil.

  DORINE
  Now Heaven be praised!

  MADAME PERNELLE
  At last I breathe again.

  ELMIRE
  A happy outcome!

  MARIANE
  Who'd have dared to hope it?

  ORGON (to Tartuffe, who is being led by the officer)
  There traitor! Now you're ...

 Tartuffe shows up, with a police office in tow. He's got even worse news for Orgon: he's headed to prison. Orgon curses Tartuffe and calls him a villain. Tartuffe pays no attention, saying that "those who serve Heaven must expect abuse" . He still hasn't given up his self-righteous act. Cleante and Dorine insult Tartuffe, then Mariane, then Orgon again. He doesn't care; even when Orgon reminds him that he saved him from poverty, Tartuffe merely says that his "first duty is to serve King." He would sacrifice his wife...family...friend...to serve him" . Again, Elmire and Dorine insult Tartuffe. Cleante asks him where this newfound patriotic zeal came from, and wonders how he "could condescend" to be the heir of a traitor. Tartuffe pays no attention to this; he sics the police officer on Orgon. Plot twist! The officer turns around and arrests...Tartuffe. Tartuffe is, of course, blown away. The office turns to Orgon and explains himself. The King, it seems, is a little more with it than Orgon; he saw right through Tartuffe's little scheme. He's the kind of guy that Cleante would love: he knows true piety when he sees it, he's wise, and he has experience foiling these kind of liars. Oh, and as it turns out, this isn't the first time Tartuffe has tried to swindle someone; he's got a long criminal record, long enough to fill "ten volumes and be writing still" . He's a bad, bad, bad dude. The officer gives Orgon back the papers from the strongbox, and declares that the deed Tartuffe had written up is invalid. The King also pardons Orgon for hiding the papers, on account of his loyal deeds in the late civil war. Orgon a war hero? Whodathunkit? Everyone breathes a sigh of relief and praises the Lord. Except for Orgon. He begins to chew out Tartuffe, but luckily Cleante intervenes before he can say anything too stupid. He reminds Orgon that Tartuffe is already going to suffer for what he's done. Hopefully, he says, Tartuffe can actually find God, become a good person, and maybe get out on parole. You'd be better off, he tells Orgon, thanking the King for his kindness. And so Orgon lets bygones be bygones and gets ready to go see the King. Once that's been done, he says, we can finally get Mariane and Valere married. And they all lived happily ever after.

