Chapter: Scaena Secunda.



Enter Prince, Poynes, and Peto.

  Poines. Come shelter, shelter, I haue remoued Falstafs
Horse, and he frets like a gum'd Veluet

   Prin. Stand close.
Enter Falstaffe.

  Fal. Poines, Poines, and be hang'd Poines

   Prin. Peace ye fat-kidney'd Rascall, what a brawling
dost thou keepe

   Fal. What Poines. Hal?
  Prin. He is walk'd vp to the top of the hill, Ile go seek
him

   Fal. I am accurst to rob in that Theefe company: that
Rascall hath remoued my Horse, and tied him I know not
where. If I trauell but foure foot by the squire further a
foote, I shall breake my winde. Well, I doubt not but
to dye a faire death for all this, if I scape hanging for killing
that Rogue, I haue forsworne his company hourely
any time this two and twenty yeare, & yet I am bewitcht
with the Rogues company. If the Rascall haue not giuen
me medicines to make me loue him, Ile be hang'd; it could
not be else: I haue drunke Medicines. Poines, Hal, a
Plague vpon you both. Bardolph, Peto: Ile starue ere I
rob a foote further. And 'twere not as good a deede as to
drinke, to turne True-man, and to leaue these Rogues, I
am the veriest Varlet that euer chewed with a Tooth.
Eight yards of vneuen ground, is threescore & ten miles
afoot with me: and the stony-hearted Villaines knowe it
well enough. A plague vpon't, when Theeues cannot be
true one to another.

They Whistle.

Whew: a plague light vpon you all. Giue my Horse you
Rogues: giue me my Horse, and be hang'd

   Prin. Peace ye fat guttes, lye downe, lay thine eare
close to the ground, and list if thou can heare the tread of
Trauellers

   Fal. Haue you any Leauers to lift me vp again being
downe? Ile not beare mine owne flesh so far afoot again,
for all the coine in thy Fathers Exchequer. What a plague
meane ye to colt me thus?
  Prin. Thou ly'st, thou art not colted, thou art vncolted

   Fal. I prethee good Prince Hal, help me to my horse,
good Kings sonne

   Prin. Out you Rogue, shall I be your Ostler?
  Fal. Go hang thy selfe in thine owne heire-apparant-Garters:
If I be tane, Ile peach for this: and I haue not
Ballads made on all, and sung to filthy tunes, let a Cup of
Sacke be my poyson: when a iest is so forward, & a foote
too, I hate it.
Enter Gads-hill.

  Gad. Stand

   Fal. So I do against my will

   Poin. O 'tis our Setter, I know his voyce:
Bardolfe, what newes?
  Bar. Case ye, case ye; on with your Vizards, there's
mony of the Kings comming downe the hill, 'tis going
to the Kings Exchequer

   Fal. You lie you rogue, 'tis going to the Kings Tauern

   Gad. There's enough to make vs all

   Fal. To be hang'd

   Prin. You foure shall front them in the narrow Lane:
Ned and I, will walke lower; if they scape from your encounter,
then they light on vs

   Peto. But how many be of them?
  Gad. Some eight or ten

   Fal. Will they not rob vs?
  Prin. What, a Coward Sir Iohn Paunch?
  Fal. Indeed I am not Iohn of Gaunt your Grandfather;
but yet no Coward, Hal

   Prin. Wee'l leaue that to the proofe

   Poin. Sirra Iacke, thy horse stands behinde the hedg,
when thou need'st him, there thou shalt finde him. Farewell,
and stand fast

   Fal. Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hang'd

   Prin. Ned, where are our disguises?
  Poin. Heere hard by: Stand close

   Fal. Now my Masters, happy man be his dole, say I:
euery man to his businesse.
Enter Trauellers

   Tra. Come Neighbor: the boy shall leade our Horses
downe the hill: Wee'l walke a-foot a while, and ease our
Legges

   Theeues. Stay

   Tra. Iesu blesse vs

   Fal. Strike down with them, cut the villains throats;
a whorson Caterpillars: Bacon-fed Knaues, they hate vs
youth; downe with them, fleece them

   Tra. O, we are vndone, both we and ours for euer

   Fal. Hang ye gorbellied knaues, are you vndone? No
ye Fat Chuffes, I would your store were heere. On Bacons,
on, what ye knaues? Yong men must liue, you are
Grand Iurers, are ye? Wee'l iure ye ifaith.

Heere they rob them, and binde them. Enter the Prince and Poines.

  Prin. The Theeues haue bound the True-men: Now
could thou and I rob the Theeues, and go merily to London,
it would be argument for a Weeke, Laughter for a
Moneth, and a good iest for euer

   Poynes. Stand close, I heare them comming.
Enter Theeues againe.

  Fal. Come my Masters, let vs share, and then to horsse
before day: and the Prince and Poynes bee not two arrand
Cowards, there's no equity stirring. There's no moe
valour in that Poynes, than in a wilde Ducke

   Prin. Your money

   Poin. Villaines.

As they are sharing, the Prince and Poynes set vpon them. They all
run
away, leauing the booty behind them.

  Prince. Got with much ease. Now merrily to Horse:
The Theeues are scattred, and possest with fear so strongly,
that they dare not meet each other: each takes his fellow
for an Officer. Away good Ned, Falstaffe sweates to
death, and Lards the leane earth as he walkes along: wer't
not for laughing, I should pitty him

   Poin. How the Rogue roar'd.

Exeunt.

 The robbers appear near Gad's Hill. Poins announces that he has hidden Falstaff's horse and disappears with Bardolph and Peto as Falstaff enters, cursing him. Hal offers to go find Poins and Falstaff continues complaining. When Hal and the others return, he curses them and demands his horse. Hal tells him to be quiet and listen for the travelers and teases him about his missing horse. Falstaff then asks Hal to help him find his horse, and, when the prince refuses, he further curses him. Gadshill enters and announces that the travelers are on their way. Hal presents the plan: Bardolph, Peto, Gadshill, and Falstaff will attack the travelers in a narrow lane while Hal and Poins will wait downhill, in case the travelers escape from the first group's attack. The robbers split up. The travelers come down the hill, where they are robbed and tied up by the first party. Falstaff says that Hal and Poins are cowards and don't deserve any of the loot. As they begin splitting it up, Hal and Poins emerge in disguise and rob them. Gadshill, Bardolph, and Peto immediately run away. Falstaff fights for a moment and then flees as well. Hal and Poins collect the loot and laugh at their adventure.

