Chapter: SCENE III

  MARIANE, DORINE


  DORINE
  Say, have you lost the tongue from out your head?
  And must I speak your role from A to Zed?
  You let them broach a project that's absurd,
  And don't oppose it with a single word!

  MARIANE
  What can I do? My father is the master.

  DORINE
  Do? Everything, to ward off such disaster.

  MARIANE
  But what?

  DORINE
  Tell him one doesn't love by proxy;
  Tell him you'll marry for yourself, not him;
  Since you're the one for whom the thing is done,
  You are the one, not he, the man must please;
  If his Tartuffe has charmed him so, why let him
  Just marry him himself--no one will hinder.

  MARIANE
  A father's rights are such, it seems to me,
  That I could never dare to say a word.

  DORINE
  Came, talk it out. Valere has asked your hand:
  Now do you love him, pray, or do you not?

  MARIANE
  Dorine! How can you wrong my love so much,
  And ask me such a question? Have I not
  A hundred times laid bare my heart to you?
  Do you know how ardently I love him?

  DORINE
  How do I know if heart and words agree,
  And if in honest truth you really love him?

  MARIANE
  Dorine, you wrong me greatly if you doubt it;
  I've shown my inmost feelings, all too plainly.

  DORINE
  So then, you love him?

  MARIANE
  Yes, devotedly.

  DORINE
  And he returns your love, apparently?

  MARIANE
  I think so.

  DORINE
  And you both alike are eager
  To be well married to each other?

  MARIANE
  Surely.

  DORINE
  Then what's your plan about this other match?

  MARIANE
  To kill myself, if it is forced upon me.

  DORINE
  Good! That's a remedy I hadn't thought of.
  Just die, and everything will be all right.
  This medicine is marvellous, indeed!
  It drives me mad to hear folk talk such nonsense.

  MARIANE
  Oh dear, Dorine you get in such a temper!
  You have no sympathy for people's troubles.

  DORINE
  I have no sympathy when folk talk nonsense,
  And flatten out as you do, at a pinch.

  MARIANE
  But what can you expect?--if one is timid?--

  DORINE
  But what is love worth, if it has no courage?

  MARIANE
  Am I not constant in my love for him?
  Is't not his place to win me from my father?

  DORINE
  But if your father is a crazy fool,
  And quite bewitched with his Tartuffe? And breaks
  His bounden word? Is that your lover's fault?

  MARIANE
  But shall I publicly refuse and scorn
  This match, and make it plain that I'm in love?
  Shall I cast off for him, whate'er he be,
  Womanly modesty and filial duty?
  You ask me to display my love in public ... ?

  DORINE
  No, no, I ask you nothing. You shall be
  Mister Tartuffe's; why, now I think of it,
  I should be wrong to turn you from this marriage.
  What cause can I have to oppose your wishes?
  So fine a match! An excellent good match!
  Mister Tartuffe! Oh ho! No mean proposal!
  Mister Tartuffe, sure, take it all in all,
  Is not a man to sneeze at--oh, by no means!
  'Tis no small luck to be his happy spouse.
  The whole world joins to sing his praise already;
  He's noble--in his parish; handsome too;
  Red ears and high complexion--oh, my lud!
  You'll be too happy, sure, with him for husband.

  MARIANE
  Oh dear! ...

  DORINE
  What joy and pride will fill your heart
  To be the bride of such a handsome fellow!

  MARIANE
  Oh, stop, I beg you; try to find some way
  To help break off the match. I quite give in,
  I'm ready to do anything you say.

  DORINE
  No, no, a daughter must obey her father,
  Though he should want to make her wed a monkey.
  Besides, your fate is fine. What could be better!
  You'll take the stage-coach to his little village,
  And find it full of uncles and of cousins,
  Whose conversation will delight you. Then
  You'll be presented in their best society.
  You'll even go to call, by way of welcome,
  On Mrs. Bailiff, Mrs. Tax-Collector,
  Who'll patronise you with a folding-stool.
  There, once a year, at carnival, you'll have
  Perhaps--a ball; with orchestra--two bag-pipes;
  And sometimes a trained ape, and Punch and Judy;
  Though if your husband ...

  MARIANE
  Oh, you'll kill me. Please
  Contrive to help me out with your advice.

  DORINE
  I thank you kindly.

  MARIANE
  Oh! Dorine, I beg you ...

  DORINE
  To serve you right, this marriage must go through.

  MARIANE
  Dear girl!

  DORINE
  No.

  MARIANE
  If I say I love Valere ...

  DORINE
  No, no. Tartuffe's your man, and you shall taste him.

  MARIANE
  You know I've always trusted you; now help me ...

  DORINE
  No, you shall be, my faith! Tartuffified.

  MARIANE
  Well, then, since you've no pity for my fate
  Let me take counsel only of despair;
  It will advise and help and give me courage;
  There's one sure cure, I know, for all my troubles.

  (She starts to go.)

  DORINE
  There, there! Come back. I can't be angry long.
  I must take pity on you, after all.

  MARIANE
  Oh, don't you see, Dorine, if I must bear
  This martyrdom, I certainly shall die.

  DORINE
  Now don't you fret. We'll surely find some way.
  To hinder this ... But here's Valere, your lover.




SCENE IV

  VALERE, MARIANE, DORINE


  VALERE
  Madam, a piece of news--quite new to me--
  Has just come out, and very fine it is.

  MARIANE
  What piece of news?

  VALERE
  Your marriage with Tartuffe.

  MARIANE
  'Tis true my father has this plan in mind.

  VALERE
  Your father, madam ...

  MARIANE
  Yes, he's changed his plans,
  And did but now propose it to me.

  VALERE
  What!
  Seriously?

  MARIANE
  Yes, he was serious,
  And openly insisted on the match.

  VALERE
  And what's your resolution in the matter,
  Madam?

  MARIANE
  I don't know.

  VALERE
  That's a pretty answer.
  You don't know?

  MARIANE
  No.

  VALERE
  No?

  MARIANE
  What do you advise?

  VALERE
  I? My advice is, marry him, by all means.

  MARIANE
  That's your advice?

  VALERE
  Yes.

  MARIANE
  Do you mean it?

  VALERE
  Surely.
  A splendid choice, and worthy of your acceptance.

  MARIANE
  Oh, very well, sir! I shall take your counsel.

  VALERE
  You'll find no trouble taking it, I warrant.

  MARIANE
  No more than you did giving it, be sure.

  VALERE
  I gave it, truly, to oblige you, madam.

  MARIANE
  And I shall take it to oblige you, sir.

  Dorine (withdrawing to the back of the stage)
  Let's see what this affair will come to.

  VALERE
  So,
  That is your love? And it was all deceit
  When you ...

  MARIANE
  I beg you, say no more of that.
  You told me, squarely, sir, I should accept
  The husband that is offered me; and I
  Will tell you squarely that I mean to do so,
  Since you have given me this good advice.

  VALERE
  Don't shield yourself with talk of my advice.
  You had your mind made up, that's evident;
  And now you're snatching at a trifling pretext
  To justify the breaking of your word.

  MARIANE
  Exactly so.

  VALERE
  Of course it is; your heart
  Has never known true love for me.

  MARIANE
  Alas!
  You're free to think so, if you please.

  VALERE
  Yes, yes,
  I'm free to think so; and my outraged love
  May yet forestall you in your perfidy,
  And offer elsewhere both my heart and hand.

  MARIANE
  No doubt of it; the love your high deserts
  May win ...

  VALERE
  Good Lord, have done with my deserts!
  I know I have but few, and you have proved it.
  But I may find more kindness in another;
  I know of someone, who'll not be ashamed
  To take your leavings, and make up my loss.

  MARIANE
  The loss is not so great; you'll easily
  Console yourself completely for this change.

  VALERE
  I'll try my best, that you may well believe.
  When we're forgotten by a woman's heart,
  Our pride is challenged; we, too, must forget;
  Or if we cannot, must at least pretend to.
  No other way can man such baseness prove,
  As be a lover scorned, and still in love.

  MARIANE
  In faith, a high and noble sentiment.

  VALERE
  Yes; and it's one that all men must approve.
  What! Would you have me keep my love alive,
  And see you fly into another's arms
  Before my very eyes; and never offer
  To someone else the heart that you had scorned?

  MARIANE
  Oh, no, indeed! For my part, I could wish
  That it were done already.

  VALERE
  What! You wish it?

  MARIANE
  Yes.

  VALERE
  This is insult heaped on injury;
  I'll go at once and do as you desire.

  (He takes a step or two as if to go away.)

  MARIANE
  Oh, very well then.

  VALERE (turning back)
  But remember this.
  'Twas you that drove me to this desperate pass.

  MARIANE
  Of course.

  VALERE (turning back again)
  And in the plan that I have formed
  I only follow your example.

  MARIANE
  Yes.

  VALERE (at the door)
  Enough; you shall be punctually obeyed.

  MARIANE
  So much the better.

  VALERE (coming back again)
  This is once for all.

  MARIANE
  So be it, then.

  VALERE (He goes toward the door, but just as he reaches it, turns
  around)
  Eh?

  MARIANE
  What?

  VALERE
  You didn't call me?

  MARIANE
  I? You are dreaming.

  VALERE
  Very well, I'm gone. Madam, farewell.

  (He walks slowly away.)

  MARIANE
  Farewell, sir.

  DORINE
  I must say
  You've lost your senses and both gone clean daft!
  I've let you fight it out to the end o' the chapter
  To see how far the thing could go. Oho, there,
  Mister Valere!

  (She goes and seizes him by the arm, to stop him. He makes a great
  show of resistance.)

  VALERE
  What do you want, Dorine?

  DORINE
  Come here.

  VALERE
  No, no, I'm quite beside myself.
  Don't hinder me from doing as she wishes.

  DORINE
  Stop!

  VALERE
  No. You see, I'm fixed, resolved, determined.

  DORINE
  So!

  MARIANE (aside)
  Since my presence pains him, makes him go,
  I'd better go myself, and leave him free.

  DORINE (leaving Valere, and running after Mariane)
  Now t'other! Where are you going?

  MARIANE
  Let me be.

  DORINE.
  Come back.

  MARIANE
  No, no, it isn't any use.

  VALERE (aside)
  'Tis clear the sight of me is torture to her;
  No doubt, t'were better I should free her from it.

  DORINE (leaving Mariane and running after Valere)
  Same thing again! Deuce take you both, I say.
  Now stop your fooling; come here, you; and you.

  (She pulls first one, then the other, toward the middle of the stage.)

  VALERE (to Dorine)
  What's your idea?

  MARIANE (to Dorine)
  What can you mean to do?

  DORINE
  Set you to rights, and pull you out o' the scrape.

  (To Valere)
  Are you quite mad, to quarrel with her now?

  VALERE
  Didn't you hear the things she said to me?

  DORINE (to Mariane)
  Are you quite mad, to get in such a passion?

  MARIANE
  Didn't you see the way he treated me?

  DORINE
  Fools, both of you.

  (To Valere)
  She thinks of nothing else
  But to keep faith with you, I vouch for it.

  (To Mariane)
  And he loves none but you, and longs for nothing
  But just to marry you, I stake my life on't.

  MARIANE (to Valere)
  Why did you give me such advice then, pray?

  VALERE (to Mariane)
  Why ask for my advice on such a matter?

  DORINE
  You both are daft, I tell you. Here, your hands.

  (To Valere)
  Come, yours.

  VALERE (giving Dorine his hand)
  What for?

  DORINE (to Mariane)
  Now, yours.

  MARIANE (giving Dorine her hand)
  But what's the use?

  DORINE
  Oh, quick now, come along. There, both of you--
  You love each other better than you think.

  (Valere and Mariane hold each other's hands some time without looking
  at each other.)

  VALERE (at last turning toward Mariane)
  Come, don't be so ungracious now about it;
  Look at a man as if you didn't hate him.

  (Mariane looks sideways toward Valere, with just a bit of a smile.)

  DORINE
  My faith and troth, what fools these lovers be!

  VALERE (to Mariane)
  But come now, have I not a just complaint?
  And truly, are you not a wicked creature
  To take delight in saying what would pain me?

  MARIANE
  And are you not yourself the most ungrateful ... ?

  DORINE
  Leave this discussion till another time;
  Now, think how you'll stave off this plaguy marriage.

  MARIANE
  Then tell us how to go about it.

  DORINE
  Well,
  We'll try all sorts of ways.

  (To Mariane)
  Your father's daft;

  (To Valere)
  This plan is nonsense.

  (To Mariane)
  You had better humour
  His notions by a semblance of consent,
  So that in case of danger, you can still
  Find means to block the marriage by delay.
  If you gain time, the rest is easy, trust me.
  One day you'll fool them with a sudden illness,
  Causing delay; another day, ill omens:
  You've met a funeral, or broke a mirror,
  Or dreamed of muddy water. Best of all,
  They cannot marry you to anyone
  Without your saying yes. But now, methinks,
  They mustn't find you chattering together.

  (To Valere)
  You, go at once and set your friends at work
  To make him keep his word to you; while we
  Will bring the brother's influence to bear,
  And get the step-mother on our side, too.
  Good-bye.

  VALERE (to Mariane)
  Whatever efforts we may make,
  My greatest hope, be sure, must rest on you.

  MARIANE (to Valere)
  I cannot answer for my father's whims;
  But no one save Valere shall ever have me.

  VALERE
  You thrill me through with joy! Whatever comes ...

  DORINE
  Oho! These lovers! Never done with prattling!
  Now go.

  VALERE (starting to go, and coming back again)
  One last word ...

  DORINE
  What a gabble and pother!
  Be off! By this door, you. And you, by t'other.

  (She pushes them off, by the shoulders, in opposite directions.)

 After Tartuffe inquires about Elmire's health and pays her some obvious compliments, he then expresses his joy at being alone with her. She tells him that she wants to discuss something confidential with him and he responds by saying that he has long wanted to open his heart to her. He takes her hand and expresses his great admiration for her and Elmire draws back. She moves her chair just as he begins to feel her knee and to comment upon the softness of her gown. Tartuffe pursues, declaring his passion for Elmire. She reminds him that such declarations ill become a pious man, but he replies by pointing out that even religious men can feel the power of such charms as those of Elmire. He then offers her his love with the assurance that she will be safe from gossip and slander because he also will want to protect his name; she can feel quite secure, he says, in having an affair without being discovered. Elmire rebukes him and tells him that if he does not put an end to the forthcoming marriage between himself and Mariane, she will inform her husband of his proposal. At this moment, Damis cannot restrain himself any longer and comes forth, asserting his determination to expose Tartuffe for the hypocrite he is. Elmire tries to restrain him, but his hot temper and hatred for the hypocrite are too strong for him to listen to reason.

