Chapter: Candide, yet more moved with compassion than with horror, gave to this
shocking beggar the two florins which he had received from the honest
Anabaptist James. The spectre looked at him very earnestly, dropped a
few tears, and fell upon his neck. Candide recoiled in disgust.

"Alas!" said one wretch to the other, "do you no longer know your dear
Pangloss?"

"What do I hear? You, my dear master! you in this terrible plight! What
misfortune has happened to you? Why are you no longer in the most
magnificent of castles? What has become of Miss Cunegonde, the pearl of
girls, and nature's masterpiece?"

"I am so weak that I cannot stand," said Pangloss.

Upon which Candide carried him to the Anabaptist's stable, and gave him
a crust of bread. As soon as Pangloss had refreshed himself a little:

"Well," said Candide, "Cunegonde?"

"She is dead," replied the other.

Candide fainted at this word; his friend recalled his senses with a
little bad vinegar which he found by chance in the stable. Candide
reopened his eyes.

"Cunegonde is dead! Ah, best of worlds, where art thou? But of what
illness did she die? Was it not for grief, upon seeing her father kick
me out of his magnificent castle?"

"No," said Pangloss, "she was ripped open by the Bulgarian soldiers,
after having been violated by many; they broke the Baron's head for
attempting to defend her; my lady, her mother, was cut in pieces; my
poor pupil was served just in the same manner as his sister; and as for
the castle, they have not left one stone upon another, not a barn, nor a
sheep, nor a duck, nor a tree; but we have had our revenge, for the
Abares have done the very same thing to a neighbouring barony, which
belonged to a Bulgarian lord."

At this discourse Candide fainted again; but coming to himself, and
having said all that it became him to say, inquired into the cause and
effect, as well as into the _sufficient reason_ that had reduced
Pangloss to so miserable a plight.

"Alas!" said the other, "it was love; love, the comfort of the human
species, the preserver of the universe, the soul of all sensible beings,
love, tender love."

"Alas!" said Candide, "I know this love, that sovereign of hearts, that
soul of our souls; yet it never cost me more than a kiss and twenty
kicks on the backside. How could this beautiful cause produce in you an
effect so abominable?"

Pangloss made answer in these terms: "Oh, my dear Candide, you remember
Paquette, that pretty wench who waited on our noble Baroness; in her
arms I tasted the delights of paradise, which produced in me those hell
torments with which you see me devoured; she was infected with them, she
is perhaps dead of them. This present Paquette received of a learned
Grey Friar, who had traced it to its source; he had had it of an old
countess, who had received it from a cavalry captain, who owed it to a
marchioness, who took it from a page, who had received it from a Jesuit,
who when a novice had it in a direct line from one of the companions of
Christopher Columbus.[3] For my part I shall give it to nobody, I am
dying."

"Oh, Pangloss!" cried Candide, "what a strange genealogy! Is not the
Devil the original stock of it?"

"Not at all," replied this great man, "it was a thing unavoidable, a
necessary ingredient in the best of worlds; for if Columbus had not in
an island of America caught this disease, which contaminates the source
of life, frequently even hinders generation, and which is evidently
opposed to the great end of nature, we should have neither chocolate nor
cochineal. We are also to observe that upon our continent, this
distemper is like religious controversy, confined to a particular spot.
The Turks, the Indians, the Persians, the Chinese, the Siamese, the
Japanese, know nothing of it; but there is a sufficient reason for
believing that they will know it in their turn in a few centuries. In
the meantime, it has made marvellous progress among us, especially in
those great armies composed of honest well-disciplined hirelings, who
decide the destiny of states; for we may safely affirm that when an army
of thirty thousand men fights another of an equal number, there are
about twenty thousand of them p-x-d on each side."

"Well, this is wonderful!" said Candide, "but you must get cured."

"Alas! how can I?" said Pangloss, "I have not a farthing, my friend, and
all over the globe there is no letting of blood or taking a glister,
without paying, or somebody paying for you."

These last words determined Candide; he went and flung himself at the
feet of the charitable Anabaptist James, and gave him so touching a
picture of the state to which his friend was reduced, that the good man
did not scruple to take Dr. Pangloss into his house, and had him cured
at his expense. In the cure Pangloss lost only an eye and an ear. He
wrote well, and knew arithmetic perfectly. The Anabaptist James made him
his bookkeeper. At the end of two months, being obliged to go to Lisbon
about some mercantile affairs, he took the two philosophers with him in
his ship. Pangloss explained to him how everything was so constituted
that it could not be better. James was not of this opinion.

"It is more likely," said he, "mankind have a little corrupted nature,
for they were not born wolves, and they have become wolves; God has
given them neither cannon of four-and-twenty pounders, nor bayonets; and
yet they have made cannon and bayonets to destroy one another. Into this
account I might throw not only bankrupts, but Justice which seizes on
the effects of bankrupts to cheat the creditors."

"All this was indispensable," replied the one-eyed doctor, "for private
misfortunes make the general good, so that the more private misfortunes
there are the greater is the general good."

While he reasoned, the sky darkened, the winds blew from the four
quarters, and the ship was assailed by a most terrible tempest within
sight of the port of Lisbon.





Half dead of that inconceivable anguish which the rolling of a ship
produces, one-half of the passengers were not even sensible of the
danger. The other half shrieked and prayed. The sheets were rent, the
masts broken, the vessel gaped. Work who would, no one heard, no one
commanded. The Anabaptist being upon deck bore a hand; when a brutish
sailor struck him roughly and laid him sprawling; but with the violence
of the blow he himself tumbled head foremost overboard, and stuck upon a
piece of the broken mast. Honest James ran to his assistance, hauled him
up, and from the effort he made was precipitated into the sea in sight
of the sailor, who left him to perish, without deigning to look at him.
Candide drew near and saw his benefactor, who rose above the water one
moment and was then swallowed up for ever. He was just going to jump
after him, but was prevented by the philosopher Pangloss, who
demonstrated to him that the Bay of Lisbon had been made on purpose for
the Anabaptist to be drowned. While he was proving this _a priori_, the
ship foundered; all perished except Pangloss, Candide, and that brutal
sailor who had drowned the good Anabaptist. The villain swam safely to
the shore, while Pangloss and Candide were borne thither upon a plank.

As soon as they recovered themselves a little they walked toward Lisbon.
They had some money left, with which they hoped to save themselves from
starving, after they had escaped drowning. Scarcely had they reached the
city, lamenting the death of their benefactor, when they felt the earth
tremble under their feet. The sea swelled and foamed in the harbour, and
beat to pieces the vessels riding at anchor. Whirlwinds of fire and
ashes covered the streets and public places; houses fell, roofs were
flung upon the pavements, and the pavements were scattered. Thirty
thousand inhabitants of all ages and sexes were crushed under the
ruins.[4] The sailor, whistling and swearing, said there was booty to be
gained here.

"What can be the _sufficient reason_ of this phenomenon?" said Pangloss.

"This is the Last Day!" cried Candide.

The sailor ran among the ruins, facing death to find money; finding it,
he took it, got drunk, and having slept himself sober, purchased the
favours of the first good-natured wench whom he met on the ruins of the
destroyed houses, and in the midst of the dying and the dead. Pangloss
pulled him by the sleeve.

"My friend," said he, "this is not right. You sin against the _universal
reason_; you choose your time badly."

"S'blood and fury!" answered the other; "I am a sailor and born at
Batavia. Four times have I trampled upon the crucifix in four voyages to
Japan[5]; a fig for thy universal reason."

Some falling stones had wounded Candide. He lay stretched in the street
covered with rubbish.

"Alas!" said he to Pangloss, "get me a little wine and oil; I am dying."

"This concussion of the earth is no new thing," answered Pangloss. "The
city of Lima, in America, experienced the same convulsions last year;
the same cause, the same effects; there is certainly a train of sulphur
under ground from Lima to Lisbon."

"Nothing more probable," said Candide; "but for the love of God a little
oil and wine."

"How, probable?" replied the philosopher. "I maintain that the point is
capable of being demonstrated."

Candide fainted away, and Pangloss fetched him some water from a
neighbouring fountain. The following day they rummaged among the ruins
and found provisions, with which they repaired their exhausted strength.
After this they joined with others in relieving those inhabitants who
had escaped death. Some, whom they had succoured, gave them as good a
dinner as they could in such disastrous circumstances; true, the repast
was mournful, and the company moistened their bread with tears; but
Pangloss consoled them, assuring them that things could not be
otherwise.

"For," said he, "all that is is for the best. If there is a volcano at
Lisbon it cannot be elsewhere. It is impossible that things should be
other than they are; for everything is right."

A little man dressed in black, Familiar of the Inquisition, who sat by
him, politely took up his word and said:

"Apparently, then, sir, you do not believe in original sin; for if all
is for the best there has then been neither Fall nor punishment."

"I humbly ask your Excellency's pardon," answered Pangloss, still more
politely; "for the Fall and curse of man necessarily entered into the
system of the best of worlds."

"Sir," said the Familiar, "you do not then believe in liberty?"

"Your Excellency will excuse me," said Pangloss; "liberty is consistent
with absolute necessity, for it was necessary we should be free; for, in
short, the determinate will----"

Pangloss was in the middle of his sentence, when the Familiar beckoned
to his footman, who gave him a glass of wine from Porto or Opporto.




After the earthquake had destroyed three-fourths of Lisbon, the sages of
that country could think of no means more effectual to prevent utter
ruin than to give the people a beautiful _auto-da-fe_[6]; for it had
been decided by the University of Coimbra, that the burning of a few
people alive by a slow fire, and with great ceremony, is an infallible
secret to hinder the earth from quaking.

In consequence hereof, they had seized on a Biscayner, convicted of
having married his godmother, and on two Portuguese, for rejecting the
bacon which larded a chicken they were eating[7]; after dinner, they
came and secured Dr. Pangloss, and his disciple Candide, the one for
speaking his mind, the other for having listened with an air of
approbation. They were conducted to separate apartments, extremely cold,
as they were never incommoded by the sun. Eight days after they were
dressed in _san-benitos_[8] and their heads ornamented with paper
mitres. The mitre and _san-benito_ belonging to Candide were painted
with reversed flames and with devils that had neither tails nor claws;
but Pangloss's devils had claws and tails and the flames were upright.
They marched in procession thus habited and heard a very pathetic
sermon, followed by fine church music. Candide was whipped in cadence
while they were singing; the Biscayner, and the two men who had refused
to eat bacon, were burnt; and Pangloss was hanged, though that was not
the custom. The same day the earth sustained a most violent concussion.

Candide, terrified, amazed, desperate, all bloody, all palpitating, said
to himself:

"If this is the best of possible worlds, what then are the others? Well,
if I had been only whipped I could put up with it, for I experienced
that among the Bulgarians; but oh, my dear Pangloss! thou greatest of
philosophers, that I should have seen you hanged, without knowing for
what! Oh, my dear Anabaptist, thou best of men, that thou should'st have
been drowned in the very harbour! Oh, Miss Cunegonde, thou pearl of
girls! that thou should'st have had thy belly ripped open!"

Thus he was musing, scarce able to stand, preached at, whipped,
absolved, and blessed, when an old woman accosted him saying:

"My son, take courage and follow me."

 Irony of ironies! The diseased, pathetic beggar turned out to be that confident exponent of optimism, the learned Doctor Pangloss, and he had a most dismal report of what had been happening in the best of all possible worlds. Candide's adored Cunegonde was dead. After having swooned and then revived, Candide might well have asked, "Ah, best of worlds, where are you?" -- especially when he learned that she had been repeatedly ravished and then disemboweled by Bulgarian soldiers, who had cut her to pieces, smashed the head of the baron, killed his son, and destroyed everything -- more evidence of the heroics of warfare. Irony of ironies! The diseased, pathetic beggar turned out to be that confident exponent of optimism, the learned Doctor Pangloss, and he had a most dismal report of what had been happening in the best of all possible worlds. Candide's adored Cunegonde was dead. After having swooned and then revived, Candide might well have asked, "Ah, best of worlds, where are you?" -- especially when he learned that she had been repeatedly ravished and then disemboweled by Bulgarian soldiers, who had cut her to pieces, smashed the head of the baron, killed his son, and destroyed everything -- more evidence of the heroics of warfare. Once more Candide swooned. When he revived, he inquired of his mentor the cause and effect, the sufficient reason, which had reduced Pangloss to such a pitiable state. He learned that his mentor and Paquette, pretty attendant of the baroness, had become intimate. But earlier Paquette had become infected with a social disease as a result of relations with a learned Franciscan. Pangloss then traced the infection back to companions of Columbus, who first brought it from the New World. "Wasn't the devil the root of this strange genealogy?" asked Candide. But he is assured that all was logical and for the best: had not Columbus and his men sailed to the New World, Europe would not now enjoy chocolate or cochineal; the reason had been sufficient. And is it not marvelous how the disease has spread? Again the charitable Anabaptist came to the rescue. Pangloss was cured, suffering only the loss of one eye and one ear. The optimistic philosopher became his bookkeeper. With Candide, the two made a trip to Lisbon. En route, Pangloss expounded his philosophy to his benefactor, but the latter remained unconvinced of its validity: men were not born wolves, yet they had become wolves and sought to destroy each other. But Doctor Pangloss assured him that private misfortunes make up the general good; the more misfortunes there were, the more all was well. At this point, the ship began to endure a frightening tempest as it sailed in sight of the Port of Lisbon. Crew and passengers alike were terrified as the ship tossed helplessly in the turbulent waters. No one commanded, none of the crew cooperated. Only the Anabaptist endeavored to help, but a frightened sailor struck him a hard blow, and from the force of it the sailor himself fell overboard. Caught on a masthead, he seemed to be lost. The good Anabaptist rescued him and lost his own life in the action. Candide wanted to sacrifice himself when he saw his benefactor die, but Pangloss convinced him that a wise Providence had arranged all this so that the Anabaptist would not survive. For the doctor, all things continued to be for the best. And at that moment the ship split open. Everyone perished except Candide, Pangloss, and the heartless sailor who had been saved by the Anabaptist. The first two reached shore on a plank. No sooner had they reached Lisbon than they experienced, with all the others in the city, a terrific earthquake in which many thousands lost their lives and the city itself was left in shambles. Even Pangloss was at a loss to explain the sufficient cause for that catastrophe. As for Candide, he was sure that the end of the world had come. The sailor whom the Anabaptist had saved lost no time looking for money, getting drunk, and enjoying the favors of any girls he could find among the ruins. Reproved by Pangloss, he replied that he was a sailor who four times had renounced Christianity in Japan , and who had only contempt for Pangloss and his universal reason. While Pangloss reasoned about the cause of the earthquake, the injured Candide pleaded for succor; at last the confident philosopher brought him a little water. On the next day the two found some food and worked to relieve the surviving victims of the earthquake. Pangloss, of course, gave everyone philosophical comfort. He was challenged by a little dark man, who charged that it would seem Pangloss did not believe in Original Sin: if all is for the best, then there could be no fall and punishment. But Pangloss glibly defended his position. Since three-fourths of Lisbon had been destroyed, the wise men in Portugal, especially the scholars at the University of Coimbra, decided that auto-da-fe was called for if total ruin were to be avoided, and that the spectacle of people ceremoniously burned by slow fire should take place at once. Among the victims was a Biscayan charged with having married the godmother of his godchild, and two Portuguese known to have eaten chicken only after removing the bacon . Later Pangloss and Candide were seized and imprisoned, the former guilty of having spoken, the latter of having listened -- obviously capital offenses. A week later, each was given a paper mitre and a sanbenito . Mitre and robe alike were adorned fearsomely with flames and devils. The two marched in procession and heard a morning sermon followed by vocal music. Candide was flogged in time to the music; the Biscayan was burned at the stake; and, contrary to usual procedure, Pangloss was hanged. But on the same day, another terrible earthquake occurred. Little wonder that Candide, reviewing all the things that had happened since he was turned out of the baron's castle, should wonder what other worlds were like if this one was the best. As he was being flogged and preached to, absolved, and blessed, an old woman appeared. She bade him to take courage and then to follow her.

