Chapter: SCENE V.

Milan. A street

Enter SPEED and LAUNCE severally

  SPEED. Launce! by mine honesty, welcome to Padua.
  LAUNCE. Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not
welcome. I
    reckon this always, that a man is never undone till he be
hang'd,
    nor never welcome to a place till some certain shot be paid,
and
    the hostess say 'Welcome!'
  SPEED. Come on, you madcap; I'll to the alehouse with you
    presently; where, for one shot of five pence, thou shalt have
    five thousand welcomes. But, sirrah, how did thy master part
with
    Madam Julia?
  LAUNCE. Marry, after they clos'd in earnest, they parted very
    fairly in jest.
  SPEED. But shall she marry him?
  LAUNCE. No.
  SPEED. How then? Shall he marry her?
  LAUNCE. No, neither.
  SPEED. What, are they broken?
  LAUNCE. No, they are both as whole as a fish.
  SPEED. Why then, how stands the matter with them?
  LAUNCE. Marry, thus: when it stands well with him, it stands
well
    with her.
  SPEED. What an ass art thou! I understand thee not.
  LAUNCE. What a block art thou that thou canst not! My staff
    understands me.
  SPEED. What thou say'st?
  LAUNCE. Ay, and what I do too; look thee, I'll but lean, and my
    staff understands me.
  SPEED. It stands under thee, indeed.
  LAUNCE. Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one.
  SPEED. But tell me true, will't be a match?
  LAUNCE. Ask my dog. If he say ay, it will; if he say no, it
will;
    if he shake his tail and say nothing, it will.
  SPEED. The conclusion is, then, that it will.
  LAUNCE. Thou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a
    parable.
  SPEED. 'Tis well that I get it so. But, Launce, how say'st thou
    that my master is become a notable lover?
  LAUNCE. I never knew him otherwise.
  SPEED. Than how?
  LAUNCE. A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.
  SPEED. Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistak'st me.
  LAUNCE. Why, fool, I meant not thee, I meant thy master.
  SPEED. I tell thee my master is become a hot lover.
  LAUNCE. Why, I tell thee I care not though he burn himself in
love.
    If thou wilt, go with me to the alehouse; if not, thou art an
    Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the name of a Christian.
  SPEED. Why?
  LAUNCE. Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to go
to
    the ale with a Christian. Wilt thou go?
  SPEED. At thy service.                                  Exeunt





SCENE VI.

Milan. The DUKE's palace

Enter PROTEUS

  PROTEUS. To leave my Julia, shall I be forsworn;
    To love fair Silvia, shall I be forsworn;
    To wrong my friend, I shall be much forsworn;
    And ev'n that pow'r which gave me first my oath
    Provokes me to this threefold perjury:
    Love bade me swear, and Love bids me forswear.
    O sweet-suggesting Love, if thou hast sinn'd,
    Teach me, thy tempted subject, to excuse it!
    At first I did adore a twinkling star,
    But now I worship a celestial sun.
    Unheedful vows may heedfully be broken;
    And he wants wit that wants resolved will
    To learn his wit t' exchange the bad for better.
    Fie, fie, unreverend tongue, to call her bad
    Whose sovereignty so oft thou hast preferr'd
    With twenty thousand soul-confirming oaths!
    I cannot leave to love, and yet I do;
    But there I leave to love where I should love.
    Julia I lose, and Valentine I lose;
    If I keep them, I needs must lose myself;
    If I lose them, thus find I by their loss:
    For Valentine, myself; for Julia, Silvia.
    I to myself am dearer than a friend;
    For love is still most precious in itself;
    And Silvia- witness heaven, that made her fair!-
    Shows Julia but a swarthy Ethiope.
    I will forget that Julia is alive,
    Rememb'ring that my love to her is dead;
    And Valentine I'll hold an enemy,
    Aiming at Silvia as a sweeter friend.
    I cannot now prove constant to myself
    Without some treachery us'd to Valentine.
    This night he meaneth with a corded ladder
    To climb celestial Silvia's chamber window,
    Myself in counsel, his competitor.
    Now presently I'll give her father notice
    Of their disguising and pretended flight,
    Who, all enrag'd, will banish Valentine,
    For Thurio, he intends, shall wed his daughter;
    But, Valentine being gone, I'll quickly cross
    By some sly trick blunt Thurio's dull proceeding.
    Love, lend me wings to make my purpose swift,
    As thou hast lent me wit to plot this drift.            Exit

 Speed welcomes Launce to Milan. Launce replies that no one can truly feel welcome in a town until someone buys him a shot of liquor at the local tavern. Speed offers to do so, but first inquires after the status of the relationship between Proteus and Julia. Launce confuses Speed, implying through a series of puns that they are simultaneously broken up and engaged. The interchange ends with Launce's traditional dirty joke about how when Proteus is "stand" well, Julia is happy too. Speed, who is not so speedy at comprehending Launce's jokes replies, "What an ass art thou! I understand thee not" . Launce tells Speed to ask Crab if Julia and Proteus are engaged, saying that if the dog talks or wags his tail, the answer is "yes." Speed boasts that his master Valentine has become a "notable lover" . Launce, feigning to have misheard him, replies that he has always known that Valentine was a "notable lubber" . Launce finally convinces Speed to buy him a drink, like a good Christian. Proteus debates whether or not to pursue his infatuation with Silvia. He says that to stay true to the impulse of love, which previously compelled him to promise himself to Julia, he must betray both Julia and Valentine, and worship Silvia. Prizing his amorous desires over friendship, Proteus devises a plot to snatch Silvia from Valentine's arms while simultaneously gaining favor with her father. He will notify the Duke of Valentine's plans to elope with Silvia; the Duke will then banish Valentine and encourage Thurio, Silvia's family-appointed betrothed, to continue his courting. Proteus plans, however, to trick Thurio out of his path, leaving Silvia with no choice but to love him. His soliloquy ends with the couplet, "Love, lend me wings to make my purpose swift,/As thou hast lent me wit to plot this drift" .

