Chapter: SCENE II

  ORGON, MARIANE, DORINE (coming in quietly and standing behind
  Orgon, so that he does not see her)


  ORGON
  Well spoken. A good girl. Say then, my daughter,
  That all his person shines with noble merit,
  That he has won your heart, and you would like
  To have him, by my choice, become your husband.
  Eh?

  MARIANE
  Eh?

  ORGON
  What say you?

  MARIANE
  Please, what did you say?

  ORGON
  What?

  MARIANE
  Surely I mistook you, sir?

  ORGON
  How now?

  MARIANE
  Who is it, father, you would have me say
  Has won my heart, and I would like to have
  Become my husband, by your choice?

  ORGON
  Tartuffe.

  MARIANE
  But, father, I protest it isn't true!
  Why should you make me tell this dreadful lie?

  ORGON
  Because I mean to have it be the truth.
  Let this suffice for you: I've settled it.

  MARIANE
  What, father, you would ... ?

  ORGON
  Yes, child, I'm resolved
  To graft Tartuffe into my family.
  So he must be your husband. That I've settled.
  And since your duty ..

  (Seeing Dorine)
  What are you doing there?
  Your curiosity is keen, my girl,
  To make you come eavesdropping on us so.

  DORINE
  Upon my word, I don't know how the rumour
  Got started--if 'twas guess-work or mere chance
  But I had heard already of this match,
  And treated it as utter stuff and nonsense.

  ORGON
  What! Is the thing incredible?

  DORINE
  So much so
  I don't believe it even from yourself, sir.

  ORGON
  I know a way to make you credit it.

  DORINE
  No, no, you're telling us a fairly tale!

  ORGON
  I'm telling you just what will happen shortly.

  DORINE
  Stuff!

  ORGON
  Daughter, what I say is in good earnest.

  DORINE
  There, there, don't take your father seriously;
  He's fooling.

  ORGON
  But I tell you ...

  DORINE
  No. No use.
  They won't believe you.

  ORGON
  If I let my anger ...

  DORINE
  Well, then, we do believe you; and the worse
  For you it is. What! Can a grown-up man
  With that expanse of beard across his face
  Be mad enough to want ...?

  ORGON
  You hark me:
  You've taken on yourself here in this house
  A sort of free familiarity
  That I don't like, I tell you frankly, girl.

  DORINE
  There, there, let's not get angry, sir, I beg you.
  But are you making game of everybody?
  Your daughter's not cut out for bigot's meat;
  And he has more important things to think of.
  Besides, what can you gain by such a match?
  How can a man of wealth, like you, go choose
  A wretched vagabond for son-in-law?

  ORGON
  You hold your tongue. And know, the less he has,
  The better cause have we to honour him.
  His poverty is honest poverty;
  It should exalt him more than worldly grandeur,
  For he has let himself be robbed of all,
  Through careless disregard of temporal things
  And fixed attachment to the things eternal.
  My help may set him on his feet again,
  Win back his property--a fair estate
  He has at home, so I'm informed--and prove him
  For what he is, a true-born gentleman.

  DORINE
  Yes, so he says himself. Such vanity
  But ill accords with pious living, sir.
  The man who cares for holiness alone
  Should not so loudly boast his name and birth;
  The humble ways of genuine devoutness
  Brook not so much display of earthly pride.
  Why should he be so vain? ... But I offend you:
  Let's leave his rank, then,--take the man himself:
  Can you without compunction give a man
  Like him possession of a girl like her?
  Think what a scandal's sure to come of it!
  Virtue is at the mercy of the fates,
  When a girl's married to a man she hates;
  The best intent to live an honest woman
  Depends upon the husband's being human,
  And men whose brows are pointed at afar
  May thank themselves their wives are what they are.
  For to be true is more than woman can,
  With husbands built upon a certain plan;
  And he who weds his child against her will
  Owes heaven account for it, if she do ill.
  Think then what perils wait on your design.

  ORGON (to Mariane)
  So! I must learn what's what from her, you see!

  DORINE
  You might do worse than follow my advice.

  ORGON
  Daughter, we can't waste time upon this nonsense;
  I know what's good for you, and I'm your father.
  True, I had promised you to young Valere;
  But, first, they tell me he's inclined to gamble,
  And then, I fear his faith is not quite sound.
  I haven't noticed that he's regular
  At church.

  DORINE
  You'd have him run there just when you do.
  Like those who go on purpose to be seen?

  ORGON
  I don't ask your opinion on the matter.
  In short, the other is in Heaven's best graces,
  And that is riches quite beyond compare.
  This match will bring you every joy you long for;
  'Twill be all steeped in sweetness and delight.
  You'll live together, in your faithful loves,
  Like two sweet children, like two turtle-doves;
  You'll never fail to quarrel, scold, or tease,
  And you may do with him whate'er you please.

  DORINE
  With him? Do naught but give him horns, I'll warrant.

  ORGON
  Out on thee, wench!

  DORINE
  I tell you he's cut out for't;
  However great your daughter's virtue, sir,
  His destiny is sure to prove the stronger.

  ORGON
  Have done with interrupting. Hold your tongue.
  Don't poke your nose in other people's business.

  DORINE (She keeps interrupting him, just as he turns and starts
  to speak to his daughter).
  If I make bold, sir, 'tis for your own good.

  ORGON
  You're too officious; pray you, hold your tongue.

  DORINE
  'Tis love of you ...

  ORGON
  I want none of your love.

  DORINE
  Then I will love you in your own despite.

  ORGON
  You will, eh?

  DORINE
  Yes, your honour's dear to me;
  I can't endure to see you made the butt
  Of all men's ridicule.

  ORGON
  Won't you be still?

  DORINE
  'Twould be a sin to let you make this match.

  ORGON
  Won't you be still, I say, you impudent viper!

  DORINE
  What! you are pious, and you lose your temper?

  ORGON
  I'm all wrought up, with your confounded nonsense;
  Now, once for all, I tell you hold your tongue.

  DORINE
  Then mum's the word; I'll take it out in thinking.

  ORGON
  Think all you please; but not a syllable
  To me about it, or ... you understand!

  (Turning to his daughter.)
  As a wise father, I've considered all
  With due deliberation.

  DORINE
  I'll go mad
  If I can't speak.
  (She stops the instant he turns his head.)

  ORGON
  Though he's no lady's man,
  Tartuffe is well enough ...

  DORINE
  A pretty phiz!

  ORGON
  So that, although you may not care at all
  For his best qualities ...

  DORINE
  A handsome dowry!

  (Orgon turns and stands in front of her, with arms folded, eyeing
  her.)
  Were I in her place, any man should rue it
  Who married me by force, that's mighty certain;
  I'd let him know, and that within a week,
  A woman's vengeance isn't far to seek.

  ORGON (to Dorine)
  So--nothing that I say has any weight?

  DORINE
  Eh? What's wrong now? I didn't speak to you.

  ORGON
  What were you doing?

  DORINE
  Talking to myself.

  ORGON
  Oh! Very well. (Aside.) Her monstrous impudence
  Must be chastised with one good slap in the face.

  (He stands ready to strike her, and, each time he speaks to his
  daughter, he glances toward her; but she stands still and says not a
  word.) [3]

  [Footnote 3: As given at the Comedie francaise, the action is as
  follows: While Orgon says, "You must approve of my design," Dorine is
  making signs to Mariane to resist his orders; Orgon turns around
  suddenly; but Dorine quickly changes her gesture and with the hand
  which she had lifted calmly arranges her hair and her cap. Orgon goes
  on, "Think of the husband ..." and stops before the middle of his
  sentence to turn and catch the beginning of Dorine's gesture; but he
  is too quick this time, and Dorine stands looking at his furious
  countenance with a sweet and gentle expression. He turns and goes on,
  and the obstinate Dorine again lifts her hand behind his shoulder to
  urge Mariane to resistance: this time he catches her; but just as he
  swings his shoulder to give her the promised blow, she stops him by
  changing the intent of her gesture, and carefully picking from the top
  of his sleeve a bit of fluff which she holds carefully between her
  fingers, then blows into the air, and watches intently as it floats
  away. Orgon is paralysed by her innocence of expression, and compelled
  to hide his rage.--Regnier, _Le Tartuffe des Comediens_.]

  ORGON
  Daughter, you must approve of my design....
  Think of this husband ... I have chosen for you...

  (To Dorine)
  Why don't you talk to yourself?

  DORINE
  Nothing to say.

  ORGON
  One little word more.

  DORINE
  Oh, no, thanks. Not now.

  ORGON
  Sure, I'd have caught you.

  DORINE
  Faith, I'm no such fool.

  ORGON
  So, daughter, now obedience is the word;
  You must accept my choice with reverence.

  DORINE (running away)
  You'd never catch me marrying such a creature.

  ORGON (swinging his hand at her and missing her)
  Daughter, you've such a pestilent hussy there
  I can't live with her longer, without sin.
  I can't discuss things in the state I'm in.
  My mind's so flustered by her insolent talk,
  To calm myself, I must go take a walk.

 Dorine shows up; Orgon accuses her of eavesdropping and tells her to buzz off. Dorine says to Orgon, that the gossip around town is that he wants to Mariane to marry Tartuffe, The maid says that the idea is so silly she has to laugh. Orgon can't believe that Dorine can't believe that he would want Mariane to marry Tartuffe. The more he tries to convince her the more she mocks him. She tells Mariane that it's all just a hoax and that she shouldn't believe her father. Dorine finally drops the hoax thing and tells Orgon straight out that nobody can believe he's acting like such a twit. How could you have your daughter marry a man who claims to be so religious? And what about that whole poverty thing - Orgon's a rich gentleman after all. Orgon tells Dorine that Tartuffe lost his "earthly fortune" because he was so occupied by heavenly things. He says Tartuffe needs only a little monetary support, in order to regain his estate . Dorine tries another strategy. Wouldn't it be something of a strange match, she asks Orgon, considering that Mariane really doesn't like Tartuffe? Because, she says, when a bride doesn't like her groom, she usually cheats. Oh, and a father who gives her daughter to such a man will pay for his sins. Yeah, she really lays it on thick. Orgon can't believe what he's hearing from the servant-girl; he tells Mariane to ignore Dorine. Oh, and it turns out that Valere gambles and doesn't go to church too often. Orgon tries to convince Mariane that he's doing the right thing. Dorine continues to make fun of him and Tartuffe. She interrupts him again and again, until Orgon finally threatens to hit her. The saucy servant immediately starts acting coy, making comments only when Orgon turns his back. Orgon tries to hit her, but misses, and soon leaves the room in anger.

