Chapter: SCENE V

  TARTUFFE, ELMIRE; ORGON (under the table)


  TARTUFFE
  They told me that you wished to see me here.

  ELMIRE
  Yes. I have secrets for your ear alone.
  But shut the door first, and look everywhere
  For fear of spies.

  (Tartuffe goes and closes the door, and comes back.)
  We surely can't afford
  Another scene like that we had just now;
  Was ever anyone so caught before!
  Damis did frighten me most terribly
  On your account; you saw I did my best
  To baffle his design, and calm his anger.
  But I was so confused, I never thought
  To contradict his story; still, thank Heaven,
  Things turned out all the better, as it happened,
  And now we're on an even safer footing.
  The high esteem you're held in, laid the storm;
  My husband can have no suspicion of you,
  And even insists, to spite the scandal-mongers,
  That we shall be together constantly;
  So that is how, without the risk of blame,
  I can be here locked up with you alone,
  And can reveal to you my heart, perhaps
  Only too ready to allow your passion.

  TARTUFFE
  Your words are somewhat hard to understand,
  Madam; just now you used a different style.

  ELMIRE
  If that refusal has offended you,
  How little do you know a woman's heart!
  How ill you guess what it would have you know,
  When it presents so feeble a defence!
  Always, at first, our modesty resists
  The tender feelings you inspire us with.
  Whatever cause we find to justify
  The love that masters us, we still must feel
  Some little shame in owning it; and strive
  To make as though we would not, when we would.
  But from the very way we go about it
  We let a lover know our heart surrenders,
  The while our lips, for honour's sake, oppose
  Our heart's desire, and in refusing promise.
  I'm telling you my secret all too freely
  And with too little heed to modesty.
  But--now that I've made bold to speak--pray tell me.
  Should I have tried to keep Damis from speaking,
  Should I have heard the offer of your heart
  So quietly, and suffered all your pleading,
  And taken it just as I did--remember--
  If such a declaration had not pleased me,
  And, when I tried my utmost to persuade you
  Not to accept the marriage that was talked of,
  What should my earnestness have hinted to you
  If not the interest that you've inspired,
  And my chagrin, should such a match compel me
  To share a heart I want all to myself?

  TARTUFFE
  'Tis, past a doubt, the height of happiness,
  To hear such words from lips we dote upon;
  Their honeyed sweetness pours through all my senses
  Long draughts of suavity ineffable.
  My heart employs its utmost zeal to please you,
  And counts your love its one beatitude;
  And yet that heart must beg that you allow it
  To doubt a little its felicity.
  I well might think these words an honest trick
  To make me break off this approaching marriage;
  And if I may express myself quite plainly,
  I cannot trust these too enchanting words
  Until the granting of some little favour
  I sigh for, shall assure me of their truth
  And build within my soul, on firm foundations,
  A lasting faith in your sweet charity.

  ELMIRE (coughing to draw her husband's attention)
  What! Must you go so fast?--and all at once
  Exhaust the whole love of a woman's heart?
  She does herself the violence to make
  This dear confession of her love, and you
  Are not yet satisfied, and will not be
  Without the granting of her utmost favours?

  TARTUFFE
  The less a blessing is deserved, the less
  We dare to hope for it; and words alone
  Can ill assuage our love's desires. A fate
  Too full of happiness, seems doubtful still;
  We must enjoy it ere we can believe it.
  And I, who know how little I deserve
  Your goodness, doubt the fortunes of my daring;
  So I shall trust to nothing, madam, till
  You have convinced my love by something real.

  ELMIRE
  Ah! How your love enacts the tyrant's role,
  And throws my mind into a strange confusion!
  With what fierce sway it rules a conquered heart,
  And violently will have its wishes granted!
  What! Is there no escape from your pursuit?
  No respite even?--not a breathing space?
  Nay, is it decent to be so exacting,
  And so abuse by urgency the weakness
  You may discover in a woman's heart?

  TARTUFFE
  But if my worship wins your gracious favour,
  Then why refuse me some sure proof thereof?

  ELMIRE
  But how can I consent to what you wish,
  Without offending Heaven you talk so much of?

  TARTUFFE
  If Heaven is all that stands now in my way,
  I'll easily remove that little hindrance;
  Your heart need not hold back for such a trifle.

  ELMIRE
  But they affright us so with Heaven's commands!

  TARTUFFE
  I can dispel these foolish fears, dear madam;
  I know the art of pacifying scruples
  Heaven forbids, 'tis true, some satisfactions;
  But we find means to make things right with Heaven.

  ('Tis a scoundrel speaking.) [5]

  [Footnote 5: Moliere's note, in the original edition.]

  There is a science, madam, that instructs us
  How to enlarge the limits of our conscience
  According to our various occasions,
  And rectify the evil of the deed
  According to our purity of motive.
  I'll duly teach you all these secrets, madam;
  You only need to let yourself be guided.
  Content my wishes, have no fear at all;
  I answer for't, and take the sin upon me.

  (Elmire coughs still louder.)
  Your cough is very bad.

  ELMIRE
  Yes, I'm in torture.

  TARTUFFE
  Would you accept this bit of licorice?

  ELMIRE
  The case is obstinate, I find; and all
  The licorice in the world will do no good.

  TARTUFFE
  'Tis very trying.

  ELMIRE
  More than words can say.

  TARTUFFE
  In any case, your scruple's easily
  Removed. With me you're sure of secrecy,
  And there's no harm unless a thing is known.
  The public scandal is what brings offence,
  And secret sinning is not sin at all.

  ELMIRE (after coughing again)
  So then, I see I must resolve to yield;
  I must consent to grant you everything,
  And cannot hope to give full satisfaction
  Or win full confidence, at lesser cost.
  No doubt 'tis very hard to come to this;
  'Tis quite against my will I go so far;
  But since I must be forced to it, since nothing
  That can be said suffices for belief,
  Since more convincing proof is still demanded,
  I must make up my mind to humour people.
  If my consent give reason for offence,
  So much the worse for him who forced me to it;
  The fault can surely not be counted mine.

  TARTUFFE
  It need not, madam; and the thing itself ...

  ELMIRE
  Open the door, I pray you, and just see
  Whether my husband's not there, in the hall.

  TARTUFFE
  Why take such care for him? Between ourselves,
  He is a man to lead round by the nose.
  He's capable of glorying in our meetings;
  I've fooled him so, he'd see all, and deny it.

  ELMIRE
  No matter; go, I beg you, look about,
  And carefully examine every corner.

 Tartuffe strolls into the room. Elmire gets right to the point...but not before telling Tartuffe to close the door and "look about for spies" . He apparently doesn't look very well, as he fails to find Orgon. Elmire tells Tartuffe that she only acted the way she did earlier in the day because she was caught off guard. Now that everything has blown over, she tells him, they can get busy without fear of interference. Tartuffe is justifiably confused by this turn of events. Elmire tells him to chill out. If he didn't see what was going on, it's only because he doesn't understand what women want. Women, according to Elmire always act coy; even when they say no, or perhaps especially when they say no, they really mean yes. Would I have listened to your whole confession of love, she asks, if I didn't, you know, want you? Would I have asked you to convince Orgon to let Mariane marry Valere if I didn't want to keep you all for myself? Despite the persuasiveness of her arguments - at least compared to those of Tartuffe - the trickster is still wary of being tricked. He won't believe her, he says, until she demonstrates her love "somewhat more concretely." At this point, Elmire is getting a little creeped out. She coughs to let Orgon know that she's a bit uncomfortable. Elmire tries to buy herself a little time, but Tartuffe won't let up. She tries again - but no luck. He's a veritable animal. When Elmire pulls the whole "Isn't this a sin?" card, Tartuffe promises that he can clear the whole thing up with the Man Upstairs. When she acts surprises, Tartuffe promises to teach her all his tricks, let's call it Hypocrisy 101. He also tells her that, if anything goes down, the fault will be his. This prompts Elmire to cough again. Tartuffe comments upon it and offers a piece of licorice to help her feel better. She declines. Tartuffe tries to reassure Elmire again, telling her that, really, no one will know about what happens. Elmire coughs again and then finally gives up. She tells Tartuffe that yes, clearly she has to "demonstrate" her love. Before anything happens, though, she asks Tartuffe to open the door and check for her husband. Tartuffe tells her to chill out; he's got stupid Orgon wrapped around his finger, he says, and she needn't worry. Still, she insists, and Tartuffe leaves the room.

