Chapter: ACT II. SCENE I.

_Milan. The DUKE'S Palace._

  _Enter VALENTINE and SPEED._

_Speed._ Sir, your glove.

_Val._                  Not mine; my gloves are on.

_Speed._ Why, then, this may be yours, for this is but one.

_Val._ Ha! let me see: ay, give it me, it's mine:
Sweet ornament that decks a thing divine!
Ah, Silvia, Silvia!                                                  5

_Speed._ Madam Silvia! Madam Silvia!

_Val._ How now, sirrah?

_Speed._ She is not within hearing, sir.

_Val._ Why, sir, who bade you call her?

_Speed._ Your worship, sir; or else I mistook.                      10

_Val._ Well, you'll still be too forward.

_Speed._ And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.

_Val._ Go to, sir: tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?

_Speed._ She that your worship loves?

_Val._ Why, how know you that I am in love?                         15

_Speed._ Marry, by these special marks: first, you have
learned, like Sir Proteus, to wreathe your arms, like a malecontent;
to relish a love-song, like a robin-redbreast; to
walk alone, like one that had the pestilence; to sigh, like a
school-boy that had lost his A B C; to weep, like a young           20
wench that had buried her grandam; to fast, like one that
takes diet; to watch, like one that fears robbing; to speak
puling, like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were wont, when
you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you walked, to walk
like one of the lions; when you fasted, it was presently after      25
dinner; when you looked sadly, it was for want of money:
and now you are metamorphosed with a mistress, that, when
I look on you, I can hardly think you my master.

_Val._ Are all these things perceived in me?

_Speed._ They are all perceived without ye.                         30

_Val._ Without me? they cannot.

_Speed._ Without you? nay, that's certain, for, without
you were so simple, none else would: but you are so without
these follies, that these follies are within you, and shine
through you like the water in an urinal, that not an eye that       35
sees you but is a physician to comment on your malady.

_Val._ But tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia?

_Speed._ She that you gaze on so as she sits at supper?

_Val._ Hast thou observed that? even she, I mean.

_Speed._ Why, sir, I know her not.                                  40

_Val._ Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and
yet knowest her not?

_Speed._ Is she not hard-favoured, sir?

_Val._ Not so fair, boy, as well-favoured.

_Speed._ Sir, I know that well enough.                              45

_Val._ What dost thou know?

_Speed._ That she is not so fair as, of you, well favoured.

_Val._ I mean that her beauty is exquisite, but her
favour infinite.

_Speed._ That's because the one is painted, and the other           50
out of all count.

_Val._ How painted? and how out of count?

_Speed._ Marry, sir, so painted, to make her fair, that no
man counts of her beauty.

_Val._ How esteemest thou me? I account of her beauty.              55

_Speed._ You never saw her since she was deformed.

_Val._ How long hath she been deformed?

_Speed._ Ever since you loved her.

_Val._ I have loved her ever since I saw her; and still I
see her beautiful.                                                  60

_Speed._ If you love her, you cannot see her.

_Val._ Why?

_Speed._ Because Love is blind. O, that you had mine
eyes; or your own eyes had the lights they were wont to
have when you chid at Sir Proteus for going ungartered!             65

_Val._ What should I see then?

_Speed._ Your own present folly, and her passing deformity:
for he, being in love, could not see to garter his
hose; and you, being in love, cannot see to put on your hose.

_Val._ Belike, boy, then, you are in love; for last morning         70
you could not see to wipe my shoes.

_Speed._ True, sir; I was in love with my bed: I thank
you, you swinged me for my love, which makes me the
bolder to chide you for yours.

_Val._ In conclusion, I stand affected to her.                      75

_Speed._ I would you were set, so your affection would
cease.

_Val._ Last night she enjoined me to write some lines
to one she loves.

_Speed._ And have you?                                              80

_Val._ I have.

_Speed._ Are they not lamely writ?

_Val._ No, boy, but as well as I can do them. Peace!
here she comes.

_Speed._ [_Aside_] O excellent motion! O exceeding puppet!          85
Now will he interpret to her.


  _Enter SILVIA._

_Val._ Madam and mistress, a thousand good-morrows.

_Speed._ [_Aside_] O, give ye good even! here's a million
of manners.

_Sil._ Sir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand.              90

_Speed._ [_Aside_] He should give her interest, and she
gives it him.

_Val._ As you enjoin'd me, I have writ your letter
Unto the secret nameless friend of yours;
Which I was much unwilling to proceed in,                           95
But for my duty to your ladyship.

_Sil._ I thank you, gentle servant: 'tis very clerkly done.

_Val._ Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off;
For, being ignorant to whom it goes,
I writ at random, very doubtfully.                                 100

_Sil._ Perchance you think too much of so much pains?

_Val._ No, madam; so it stead you, I will write,
Please you command, a thousand times as much;
And yet--

_Sil._ A pretty period! Well, I guess the sequel;                  105
And yet I will not name it;--and yet I care not;--
And yet take this again:--and yet I thank you;
Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more.

_Speed._ [_Aside_] And yet you will; and yet another 'yet.'

_Val._ What means your ladyship? do you not like it?               110

_Sil._ Yes, yes: the lines are very quaintly writ;
But since unwillingly, take them again.
Nay, take them.

_Val._ Madam, they are for you.

_Sil._ Ay, ay: you writ them, sir, at my request;                  115
But I will none of them; they are for you;
I would have had them writ more movingly.

_Val._ Please you, I'll write your ladyship another.

_Sil._ And when it's writ, for my sake read it over,
And if it please you, so; if not, why, so.                         120

_Val._ If it please me, madam, what then?

_Sil._ Why, if it please you, take it for your labour:
And so, good morrow, servant.    [_Exit._

_Speed._ O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible,
As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a steeple!          125
My master sues to her; and she hath taught her suitor,
He being her pupil, to become her tutor.
O excellent device! was there ever heard a better,
That my master, being scribe, to himself should write the letter?

_Val._ How now, sir? what are you reasoning with                   130
yourself?

_Speed._ Nay. I was rhyming: 'tis you that have the reason.

_Val._ To do what?

_Speed._ To be a spokesman for Madam Silvia.                       135

_Val._ To whom?

_Speed._ To yourself: why, she wooes you by a figure.

_Val._ What figure?

_Speed._ By a letter, I should say.

_Val._ Why, she hath not writ to me?                               140

_Speed._ What need she, when she hath made you write
to yourself? Why, do you not perceive the jest?

_Val._ No, believe me.

_Speed._ No believing you, indeed, sir. But did you perceive
her earnest?                                                       145

_Val._ She gave me none, except an angry word.

_Speed._ Why, she hath given you a letter.

_Val._ That's the letter I writ to her friend.

_Speed._ And that letter hath she delivered, and there
an end.                                                            150

_Val._ I would it were no worse.

_Speed._ I'll warrant you, 'tis as well:
For often have you writ to her; and she, in modesty,
Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply;
Or fearing else some messenger, that might her mind discover,      155
Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her lover.
All this I speak in print, for in print I found it. Why muse
you, sir? 'tis dinner-time.

_Val._ I have dined.

_Speed._ Ay, but hearken, sir; though the chameleon                160
Love can feed on the air, I am one that am nourished by
my victuals, and would fain have meat. O, be not like
your mistress; be moved, be moved.    [_Exeunt._



  Notes: II, 1.

  19: _had_] _hath_ Collier MS.
  21: _buried_] F1. _lost_ F2 F3 F4.
  27: _you are_] _you are so_ Collier MS.
  32: _Without you?_] _Without you!_ Dyce.
  33: _would_] _would be_ Collier MS.
  41: _my_] F1 F2. om. F3 F4.
  68, 69: See note (IV).
  76: _set,_] _set;_ Malone.
  85, 88, 91: [Aside] Capell.
  91: Speed.] F1 F4. Sil. F2 F3.
  96: _for_] om. F3 F4.
  102: _stead_] _steed_ Ff.
  106: _name it_] _name 't_ Capell. _and yet_] _yet_ Pope.
  109: [Aside] Rowe.
  114: _for_] _writ for_ Anon. conj.
  124, 125: Printed as prose by Pope.
  129: _scribe_] _the scribe_ Pope.
  137: _wooes_] _woes_ Ff. (IV. ii. 138. _woe_ F1. _wooe_ F2 F3 F4.)
  149: _there_] F1. _there's_ F2 F3 F4.

 In Milan, we find Speed taking great pleasure in aggravating his master, who shows all the external signs of being in love. "You have learned," he tells Valentine, to wreathe your arms, like a malcontent; torelish a lovesong, like a robin redbreast;to walk alone, like one that had the pestilence;to sigh, like a schoolboy that had lost his A B C. . . . When the object of his affections requests the letter she had commissioned him to write for her to a "third party," it is obvious to Speed that the love letter was really meant for Valentine himself, an indirect expression of affection from Silvia. Valentine, however, does not seem to catch on. The previous words exchanged with Speed are all too appropriate: Speed: If you love her, you cannot see her. Valentine: Why? Speed: Because Love is blind. Speed turns the talk to more practical matters, in the tradition of eternally hungry comic servants, "though the chamelon Love can feed on the air, I am one that am nourished by my victuals, and would fain have meat," and the two exit.

