Chapter: SCENE IV

  VALERE, MARIANE, DORINE


  VALERE
  Madam, a piece of news--quite new to me--
  Has just come out, and very fine it is.

  MARIANE
  What piece of news?

  VALERE
  Your marriage with Tartuffe.

  MARIANE
  'Tis true my father has this plan in mind.

  VALERE
  Your father, madam ...

  MARIANE
  Yes, he's changed his plans,
  And did but now propose it to me.

  VALERE
  What!
  Seriously?

  MARIANE
  Yes, he was serious,
  And openly insisted on the match.

  VALERE
  And what's your resolution in the matter,
  Madam?

  MARIANE
  I don't know.

  VALERE
  That's a pretty answer.
  You don't know?

  MARIANE
  No.

  VALERE
  No?

  MARIANE
  What do you advise?

  VALERE
  I? My advice is, marry him, by all means.

  MARIANE
  That's your advice?

  VALERE
  Yes.

  MARIANE
  Do you mean it?

  VALERE
  Surely.
  A splendid choice, and worthy of your acceptance.

  MARIANE
  Oh, very well, sir! I shall take your counsel.

  VALERE
  You'll find no trouble taking it, I warrant.

  MARIANE
  No more than you did giving it, be sure.

  VALERE
  I gave it, truly, to oblige you, madam.

  MARIANE
  And I shall take it to oblige you, sir.

  Dorine (withdrawing to the back of the stage)
  Let's see what this affair will come to.

  VALERE
  So,
  That is your love? And it was all deceit
  When you ...

  MARIANE
  I beg you, say no more of that.
  You told me, squarely, sir, I should accept
  The husband that is offered me; and I
  Will tell you squarely that I mean to do so,
  Since you have given me this good advice.

  VALERE
  Don't shield yourself with talk of my advice.
  You had your mind made up, that's evident;
  And now you're snatching at a trifling pretext
  To justify the breaking of your word.

  MARIANE
  Exactly so.

  VALERE
  Of course it is; your heart
  Has never known true love for me.

  MARIANE
  Alas!
  You're free to think so, if you please.

  VALERE
  Yes, yes,
  I'm free to think so; and my outraged love
  May yet forestall you in your perfidy,
  And offer elsewhere both my heart and hand.

  MARIANE
  No doubt of it; the love your high deserts
  May win ...

  VALERE
  Good Lord, have done with my deserts!
  I know I have but few, and you have proved it.
  But I may find more kindness in another;
  I know of someone, who'll not be ashamed
  To take your leavings, and make up my loss.

  MARIANE
  The loss is not so great; you'll easily
  Console yourself completely for this change.

  VALERE
  I'll try my best, that you may well believe.
  When we're forgotten by a woman's heart,
  Our pride is challenged; we, too, must forget;
  Or if we cannot, must at least pretend to.
  No other way can man such baseness prove,
  As be a lover scorned, and still in love.

  MARIANE
  In faith, a high and noble sentiment.

  VALERE
  Yes; and it's one that all men must approve.
  What! Would you have me keep my love alive,
  And see you fly into another's arms
  Before my very eyes; and never offer
  To someone else the heart that you had scorned?

  MARIANE
  Oh, no, indeed! For my part, I could wish
  That it were done already.

  VALERE
  What! You wish it?

  MARIANE
  Yes.

  VALERE
  This is insult heaped on injury;
  I'll go at once and do as you desire.

  (He takes a step or two as if to go away.)

  MARIANE
  Oh, very well then.

  VALERE (turning back)
  But remember this.
  'Twas you that drove me to this desperate pass.

  MARIANE
  Of course.

  VALERE (turning back again)
  And in the plan that I have formed
  I only follow your example.

  MARIANE
  Yes.

  VALERE (at the door)
  Enough; you shall be punctually obeyed.

  MARIANE
  So much the better.

  VALERE (coming back again)
  This is once for all.

  MARIANE
  So be it, then.

  VALERE (He goes toward the door, but just as he reaches it, turns
  around)
  Eh?

  MARIANE
  What?

  VALERE
  You didn't call me?

  MARIANE
  I? You are dreaming.

  VALERE
  Very well, I'm gone. Madam, farewell.

  (He walks slowly away.)

  MARIANE
  Farewell, sir.

  DORINE
  I must say
  You've lost your senses and both gone clean daft!
  I've let you fight it out to the end o' the chapter
  To see how far the thing could go. Oho, there,
  Mister Valere!

  (She goes and seizes him by the arm, to stop him. He makes a great
  show of resistance.)

  VALERE
  What do you want, Dorine?

  DORINE
  Come here.

  VALERE
  No, no, I'm quite beside myself.
  Don't hinder me from doing as she wishes.

  DORINE
  Stop!

  VALERE
  No. You see, I'm fixed, resolved, determined.

  DORINE
  So!

  MARIANE (aside)
  Since my presence pains him, makes him go,
  I'd better go myself, and leave him free.

  DORINE (leaving Valere, and running after Mariane)
  Now t'other! Where are you going?

  MARIANE
  Let me be.

  DORINE.
  Come back.

  MARIANE
  No, no, it isn't any use.

  VALERE (aside)
  'Tis clear the sight of me is torture to her;
  No doubt, t'were better I should free her from it.

  DORINE (leaving Mariane and running after Valere)
  Same thing again! Deuce take you both, I say.
  Now stop your fooling; come here, you; and you.

  (She pulls first one, then the other, toward the middle of the stage.)

  VALERE (to Dorine)
  What's your idea?

  MARIANE (to Dorine)
  What can you mean to do?

  DORINE
  Set you to rights, and pull you out o' the scrape.

  (To Valere)
  Are you quite mad, to quarrel with her now?

  VALERE
  Didn't you hear the things she said to me?

  DORINE (to Mariane)
  Are you quite mad, to get in such a passion?

  MARIANE
  Didn't you see the way he treated me?

  DORINE
  Fools, both of you.

  (To Valere)
  She thinks of nothing else
  But to keep faith with you, I vouch for it.

  (To Mariane)
  And he loves none but you, and longs for nothing
  But just to marry you, I stake my life on't.

  MARIANE (to Valere)
  Why did you give me such advice then, pray?

  VALERE (to Mariane)
  Why ask for my advice on such a matter?

  DORINE
  You both are daft, I tell you. Here, your hands.

  (To Valere)
  Come, yours.

  VALERE (giving Dorine his hand)
  What for?

  DORINE (to Mariane)
  Now, yours.

  MARIANE (giving Dorine her hand)
  But what's the use?

  DORINE
  Oh, quick now, come along. There, both of you--
  You love each other better than you think.

  (Valere and Mariane hold each other's hands some time without looking
  at each other.)

  VALERE (at last turning toward Mariane)
  Come, don't be so ungracious now about it;
  Look at a man as if you didn't hate him.

  (Mariane looks sideways toward Valere, with just a bit of a smile.)

  DORINE
  My faith and troth, what fools these lovers be!

  VALERE (to Mariane)
  But come now, have I not a just complaint?
  And truly, are you not a wicked creature
  To take delight in saying what would pain me?

  MARIANE
  And are you not yourself the most ungrateful ... ?

  DORINE
  Leave this discussion till another time;
  Now, think how you'll stave off this plaguy marriage.

  MARIANE
  Then tell us how to go about it.

  DORINE
  Well,
  We'll try all sorts of ways.

  (To Mariane)
  Your father's daft;

  (To Valere)
  This plan is nonsense.

  (To Mariane)
  You had better humour
  His notions by a semblance of consent,
  So that in case of danger, you can still
  Find means to block the marriage by delay.
  If you gain time, the rest is easy, trust me.
  One day you'll fool them with a sudden illness,
  Causing delay; another day, ill omens:
  You've met a funeral, or broke a mirror,
  Or dreamed of muddy water. Best of all,
  They cannot marry you to anyone
  Without your saying yes. But now, methinks,
  They mustn't find you chattering together.

  (To Valere)
  You, go at once and set your friends at work
  To make him keep his word to you; while we
  Will bring the brother's influence to bear,
  And get the step-mother on our side, too.
  Good-bye.

  VALERE (to Mariane)
  Whatever efforts we may make,
  My greatest hope, be sure, must rest on you.

  MARIANE (to Valere)
  I cannot answer for my father's whims;
  But no one save Valere shall ever have me.

  VALERE
  You thrill me through with joy! Whatever comes ...

  DORINE
  Oho! These lovers! Never done with prattling!
  Now go.

  VALERE (starting to go, and coming back again)
  One last word ...

  DORINE
  What a gabble and pother!
  Be off! By this door, you. And you, by t'other.

  (She pushes them off, by the shoulders, in opposite directions.)

 Valere comes in, looking concerned. He's heard that Mariane is supposed to marry Tartuffe now, and he wants some answers. Mariane gets him up to speed. When Valere asks Mariane what she's going to do, she's reluctant to tell him. Eventually, she says, she doesn't know what she's going to do. Valere, clearly annoyed, tells her to go ahead and marry Tartuffe. Mariane tells him that of course she'll follow his advice. The two continue fighting - for no reason in particular - while Dorine watches. Valere says he knows that Mariane never really loved him, and that, like, whatever, he doesn't need her. He can get some loving just like that, Mariane'll see soon enough. Turns out there's some kind of "mystery woman" waiting in the wings for him. Of course, when Mariane calls his bluff and tells him to get lost, Valere pretends not to hear her. At this point, Dorine has had enough, and she tells the both of them to get their acts together. She gets them to put aside their silly, totally made-up problems, at least long enough to discuss the whole Orgon-Tartuffe problem. Dorine tells Mariane to pretend to play along with her father's plan, but to find anyway possible to delay the proceedings-- faking sick, seeing bad omens etc. Valere, on the other hand, has to go tell his friends what's up and try to get them to pressure Orgon. Oh, and they'll get Damis and Elmire on their side too. With everything settled, Mariane and Valere finally kiss and make up. Dorine has to forcibly separate them before things get out of control.

