Chapter: SCENE II.


                           OLIVIA'S _Garden_.

        _Enter_ SIR TOBY, _with_ SIR ANDREW, _in a great fright_.

    _Sir To._ Why, man, he's a very devil;--

    _Sir And._ Oh!

    _Sir To._ I have not seen such a virago. I had a pass with
him,--rapier, scabbard, and all,--and he gives me the stuck-in,----

    _Sir And._ Oh!

    _Sir To._ With such a mortal motion, that it is inevitable: they
say, he has been fencer to the Sophy.

    _Sir And._ Plague on't, I'll not meddle with him.

    _Sir To._ Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can scarce
hold him yonder.

    _Sir And._ Plague on't; an I thought he had been valiant, and so
cunning in fence, I'd have seen him damn'd ere I had challenged him. Let
him let the matter slip, and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.

    _Sir To._ I'll make the motion: Stand here, make a good show
on't.--[_Aside._] Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you.

                      _Enter_ FABIAN _and_ VIOLA.

I have his horse [_To_ FABIAN.] to take up the quarrel; I have persuaded
him, the youth's a devil.

    _Fab._ [_To_ SIR TOBY.] He is as horribly conceited of him; and
pants, as if a bear were at his heels.

    _Sir To._ [_To_ VIOLA.] There's no remedy, sir; he will fight with
you for his oath sake: marry, he hath better bethought him of his
quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of: therefore
draw, for the supportance of his vow; he protests, he will not hurt you.

    _Vio._ [_Draws her Sword._] Pray heaven defend me!--[_Aside._] A
little thing would make me tell them how much I lack of a man.

    _Fab._ [_To_ VIOLA.] Give ground, if you see him furious.

    _Sir To._ Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman will,
for his honour's sake, have one bout with you: he cannot by the duello
avoid it: but he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he
will not hurt you. Come on; to 't.

    _Sir And._ [_Draws._] Pray heaven, he keep his oath!

    _Vio._ I do assure you, 'tis against my will.

 [_They fight._--SIR TOBY _and_ FABIAN _urge on_ SIR ANDREW _and_ VIOLA.

      _Enter_ ANTONIO, _who runs between_ SIR ANDREW _and_ VIOLA.

    _Ant._ Put up your sword;--If this young gentleman
  Have done offence, I take the fault on me;
  If you offend him, I for him defy you.

    _Sir To._ You, sir? Why, what are you?

    _Ant._ [_Draws._] One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
  Than you have heard him brag to you he will.

    _Sir To._ [_Draws._] Nay, if you be an undertaker, I
am for you.

                   [SIR TOBY _and_ ANTONIO _fight_.]

    [SIR ANDREW _hides himself behind the Trees_.--VIOLA _retires a
                               little_.]

    _Fab._ [_Parts them._] O good Sir Toby, hold; here come the
officers.

    _Sir To._ [_To_ ANTONIO.] I'll be with you anon. [ANTONIO _shows
great alarm_--SIR TOBY _sheathes his sword_.]--Sir knight,--Sir
Andrew,--

    _Sir And._ Here I am.

    _Sir To._ What, man!--Come on. [_Brings_ SIR ANDREW _forward_.]

    _Vio._ [_Advances._] 'Pray, sir, [_To_ SIR ANDREW.] put up your
sword, if you please.

    _Sir And._ Marry, will I, sir;--and, for that I promised you, I'll
be as good as my word: He will bear you easily, and reins well.

                    _Enter two Officers of Justice._

    _1 Off._ This is the man; do thy office.

    _2 Off._ Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit
  Of Duke Orsino.

    _Ant._ You do mistake me, sir.

    _1 Off._ No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well.--
  Take him away; he knows, I know him well.

    _Ant._ I must obey.--This comes with seeking you;
  But there's no remedy.
  Now my necessity
  Makes me to ask you for my purse: It grieves me
  Much more, for what I cannot do for you,
  Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed;
  But be of comfort.

    _1 Off._ Come, sir, away.

    _Ant._ I must entreat of you some of that money.

    _Vio._ What money, sir?
  For the fair kindness you have showed me here,
  And, part, being prompted by your present trouble,
  Out of my lean and low ability
  I'll lend you something: my having is not much;
  I'll make division of my present with you;
  Hold, there is half my coffer.

    _Ant._ Will you deny me now?
  Is't possible, that my deserts to you
  Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery;
  Lest that it make me so unsound a man,
  As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
  That I have done for you.

    _Vio._ I know of none;
  Nor know I you by voice, or any feature.

    _Ant._ O heavens themselves!

    _1 Off._ Come, sir, I pray you, go.

    _Ant._ Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here,
  I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death;
  And to his image, which, methought, did promise
  Most venerable worth, did I devotion.
  But, O, how vile an idol proves this god!--
  Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.--
  In nature there's no blemish, but the mind;
  None can be call'd deform'd, but the unkind:
  Virtue is beauty; but the beauteous-evil
  Are empty trunks, o'erflourish'd by the devil.

                                       [_Exeunt_ ANTONIO _and Officers_.

    _Sir To._ Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian.

                                                [_They retire together._

    _Vio._ He named Sebastian; I my brother know
  Yet living in my glass; even such, and so,
  In favour was my brother; and he went
  Still in this fashion, colour, ornament;
  For him I imitate: O, if it prove,
  Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love!

                                                         [_Exit_ VIOLA.

                           [_They advance._]

    _Sir To._ A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than a
hare; his dishonesty appears, in leaving his friend here in necessity,
and denying him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian.

    _Fab._ A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.

    _Sir And._ 'Slid, I'll after him again, and beat him.

    _Sir To._ Do, cuff him soundly;--but never draw thy sword.

    _Sir And._ An I do not!--                                 [_Exeunt._

 Inside Olivia's house, Maria, Sir Toby, and the other servants have locked Malvolio into a small, dark chamber. Maria asks Feste to put on the robes of a clergyman and pretend to be Sir Topas, a fictional curate, or priest. Sir Toby and Maria then send Feste to talk to the imprisoned Malvolio in the voice of Sir Topas while they listen in on the conversation. Pretending to be the priest, Feste addresses Malvolio, who cannot see him inside his prison. Malvolio tells Feste that he is not insane, and Malvolio begs Feste to get him out of the locked room. But Feste deliberately misunderstands and misleads the steward. He tells Malvolio that the room is not actually dark but is full of windows and light and that Malvolio must be mad or possessed if he cannot see the brightness. Malvolio denies Feste's claims, and he urges Feste to question him in the hopes of proving his sanity. But Feste uses ridiculous questions and then contradicts the steward's answers. He concludes by telling Malvolio he is still mad and must remain in the darkness. Sir Toby and Maria are delighted by the joke but are also tiring of it. Sir Toby is worried that Olivia, already offended by his drinking and carousing, might catch him in this prank. They send Feste back to Malvolio, where Feste--now using both his own voice and that of Sir Topas, as if the two are having a conversation--speaks to Malvolio again. Malvolio swears he isn't crazy, and begs for paper, ink, and light with which to write a letter to Olivia. Feste promises to fetch him the items

