Chapter: The business was practically settled from the moment I never followed
him. It was a pitiful surrender to agitation, but my being aware of this
had somehow no power to restore me. I only sat there on my tomb and read
into what my little friend had said to me the fullness of its meaning;
by the time I had grasped the whole of which I had also embraced, for
absence, the pretext that I was ashamed to offer my pupils and the rest
of the congregation such an example of delay. What I said to myself
above all was that Miles had got something out of me and that the proof
of it, for him, would be just this awkward collapse. He had got out
of me that there was something I was much afraid of and that he should
probably be able to make use of my fear to gain, for his own purpose,
more freedom. My fear was of having to deal with the intolerable
question of the grounds of his dismissal from school, for that was
really but the question of the horrors gathered behind. That his uncle
should arrive to treat with me of these things was a solution that,
strictly speaking, I ought now to have desired to bring on; but I
could so little face the ugliness and the pain of it that I simply
procrastinated and lived from hand to mouth. The boy, to my deep
discomposure, was immensely in the right, was in a position to say
to me: "Either you clear up with my guardian the mystery of this
interruption of my studies, or you cease to expect me to lead with you
a life that's so unnatural for a boy." What was so unnatural for the
particular boy I was concerned with was this sudden revelation of a
consciousness and a plan.

That was what really overcame me, what prevented my going in. I walked
round the church, hesitating, hovering; I reflected that I had already,
with him, hurt myself beyond repair. Therefore I could patch up nothing,
and it was too extreme an effort to squeeze beside him into the pew: he
would be so much more sure than ever to pass his arm into mine and make
me sit there for an hour in close, silent contact with his commentary
on our talk. For the first minute since his arrival I wanted to get away
from him. As I paused beneath the high east window and listened to the
sounds of worship, I was taken with an impulse that might master me,
I felt, completely should I give it the least encouragement. I might
easily put an end to my predicament by getting away altogether. Here
was my chance; there was no one to stop me; I could give the whole thing
up--turn my back and retreat. It was only a question of hurrying again,
for a few preparations, to the house which the attendance at church of
so many of the servants would practically have left unoccupied. No one,
in short, could blame me if I should just drive desperately off. What
was it to get away if I got away only till dinner? That would be in
a couple of hours, at the end of which--I had the acute prevision--my
little pupils would play at innocent wonder about my nonappearance in
their train.

"What DID you do, you naughty, bad thing? Why in the world, to worry us
so--and take our thoughts off, too, don't you know?--did you desert us
at the very door?" I couldn't meet such questions nor, as they asked
them, their false little lovely eyes; yet it was all so exactly what I
should have to meet that, as the prospect grew sharp to me, I at last
let myself go.

I got, so far as the immediate moment was concerned, away; I came
straight out of the churchyard and, thinking hard, retraced my steps
through the park. It seemed to me that by the time I reached the house
I had made up my mind I would fly. The Sunday stillness both of the
approaches and of the interior, in which I met no one, fairly excited
me with a sense of opportunity. Were I to get off quickly, this way, I
should get off without a scene, without a word. My quickness would have
to be remarkable, however, and the question of a conveyance was the
great one to settle. Tormented, in the hall, with difficulties
and obstacles, I remember sinking down at the foot of the
staircase--suddenly collapsing there on the lowest step and then, with a
revulsion, recalling that it was exactly where more than a month before,
in the darkness of night and just so bowed with evil things, I had
seen the specter of the most horrible of women. At this I was able
to straighten myself; I went the rest of the way up; I made, in my
bewilderment, for the schoolroom, where there were objects belonging to
me that I should have to take. But I opened the door to find again, in a
flash, my eyes unsealed. In the presence of what I saw I reeled straight
back upon my resistance.

Seated at my own table in clear noonday light I saw a person whom,
without my previous experience, I should have taken at the first blush
for some housemaid who might have stayed at home to look after the place
and who, availing herself of rare relief from observation and of the
schoolroom table and my pens, ink, and paper, had applied herself to the
considerable effort of a letter to her sweetheart. There was an effort
in the way that, while her arms rested on the table, her hands with
evident weariness supported her head; but at the moment I took this in
I had already become aware that, in spite of my entrance, her attitude
strangely persisted. Then it was--with the very act of its announcing
itself--that her identity flared up in a change of posture. She rose,
not as if she had heard me, but with an indescribable grand melancholy
of indifference and detachment, and, within a dozen feet of me, stood
there as my vile predecessor. Dishonored and tragic, she was all before
me; but even as I fixed and, for memory, secured it, the awful image
passed away. Dark as midnight in her black dress, her haggard beauty and
her unutterable woe, she had looked at me long enough to appear to say
that her right to sit at my table was as good as mine to sit at hers.
While these instants lasted, indeed, I had the extraordinary chill of
feeling that it was I who was the intruder. It was as a wild protest
against it that, actually addressing her--"You terrible, miserable
woman!"--I heard myself break into a sound that, by the open door, rang
through the long passage and the empty house. She looked at me as if
she heard me, but I had recovered myself and cleared the air. There was
nothing in the room the next minute but the sunshine and a sense that I
must stay.

 The governess does not follow Miles into the church but instead sits on a gravestone outside, considering the meaning of his words. By the time she has thought it out, it is too late to go into church without everyone noticing. She realizes that Miles has sensed that she is very afraid of something and believes that he will use that knowledge to gain himself freedom. She is afraid of dealing with his dismissal from school and even though she knows a visit from the uncle should be desired, she does not want to face the pain of such an encounter. She knows that Miles has every right to demand a return to school, and her newfound awareness that he is consciously planning something keeps her outside pacing around the church because she is too afraid to sit in silence next to him for an hour. The idea of getting away dawns on her. She realizes that the house is nearly empty, with all the servants in church, but that even if she disappeared just until dinner, the children would confront her for her reasons. Nonetheless, she rushes home, deciding to leave. She is overcome, worrying about arranging transportation, and she sinks down onto the stairs until she suddenly remembers that she saw Miss Jessel sitting in that very place. The governess rushes up to the schoolroom to collect her belongings. There, she sees a woman sitting at the table, with her head on her hand, who she first thinks is a servant. When the woman does not look up after she has entered the room, she realizes that it is Miss Jessel. Miss Jessel stands up and stares at the governess, who yells, "You terrible miserable woman. The ghost then vanishes. The governess recalls feeling as if she, and not the ghost, is the intruder and knows that she must stay.

