Chapter: The Rat put out a neat little brown paw, gripped Toad firmly by the
scruff of the neck, and gave a great hoist and a pull; and the
water-logged Toad came up slowly but surely over the edge of the hole,
till at last he stood safe and sound in the hall, streaked with mud
and weed, to be sure, and with the water streaming off him, but happy
and high-spirited as of old, now that he found himself once more in
the house of a friend, and dodgings and evasions were over, and he
could lay aside a disguise that was unworthy of his position and
wanted such a lot of living up to.

"O, Ratty!" he cried. "I've been through such times since I saw you
last, you can't think! Such trials, such sufferings, and all so nobly
borne! Then such escapes, such disguises, such subterfuges, and all so
cleverly planned and carried out! Been in prison--got out of it, of
course! Been thrown into a canal--swam ashore! Stole a horse--sold him
for a large sum of money! Humbugged everybody--made 'em all do exactly
what I wanted! Oh, I _am_ a smart Toad, and no mistake! What do you
think my last exploit was? Just hold on till I tell you--"

"Toad," said the Water Rat, gravely and firmly, "you go off upstairs
at once, and take off that old cotton rag that looks as if it might
formerly have belonged to some washerwoman, and clean yourself
thoroughly, and put on some of my clothes, and try and come down
looking like a gentleman if you _can_; for a more shabby, bedraggled,
disreputable-looking object than you are I never set eyes on in my
whole life! Now, stop swaggering and arguing, and be off! I'll have
something to say to you later!"

Toad was at first inclined to stop and do some talking back at him. He
had had enough of being ordered about when he was in prison, and here
was the thing being begun all over again, apparently; and by a Rat,
too! However, he caught sight of himself in the looking-glass over the
hat-stand, with the rusty black bonnet perched rakishly over one eye,
and he changed his mind and went very quickly and humbly upstairs to
the Rat's dressing-room. There he had a thorough wash and brush-up,
changed his clothes, and stood for a long time before the glass,
contemplating himself with pride and pleasure, and thinking what utter
idiots all the people must have been to have ever mistaken him for one
moment for a washerwoman.

By the time he came down again luncheon was on the table, and very
glad Toad was to see it, for he had been through some trying
experiences and had taken much hard exercise since the excellent
breakfast provided for him by the gipsy. While they ate Toad told the
Rat all his adventures, dwelling chiefly on his own cleverness, and
presence of mind in emergencies, and cunning in tight places; and
rather making out that he had been having a gay and highly-coloured
experience. But the more he talked and boasted, the more grave and
silent the Rat became.

When at last Toad had talked himself to a standstill, there was
silence for a while; and then the Rat said, "Now, Toady, I don't want
to give you pain, after all you've been through already; but,
seriously, don't you see what an awful ass you've been making of
yourself? On your own admission you have been hand-cuffed, imprisoned,
starved, chased, terrified out of your life, insulted, jeered at, and
ignominiously flung into the water--by a woman, too! Where's the
amusement in that? Where does the fun come in? And all because you
must needs go and steal a motor-car. You know that you've never had
anything but trouble from motor-cars from the moment you first set
eyes on one. But if you _will_ be mixed up with them--as you generally
are, five minutes after you've started--why _steal_ them? Be a
cripple, if you think it's exciting; be a bankrupt, for a change, if
you've set your mind on it: but why choose to be a convict? When are
you going to be sensible and think of your friends, and try and be
a credit to them? Do you suppose it's any pleasure to me, for
instance, to hear animals saying, as I go about, that I'm the chap
that keeps company with gaol-birds?"

[Illustration: _Dwelling chiefly on his own cleverness, and presence
of mind in emergencies_]

Now, it was a very comforting point in Toad's character that he was a
thoroughly good-hearted animal, and never minded being jawed by those
who were his real friends. And even when most set upon a thing, he was
always able to see the other side of the question. So although, while
the Rat was talking so seriously, he kept saying to himself
mutinously, "But it _was_ fun, though! Awful fun!" and making strange
suppressed noises inside him, k-i-ck-ck-ck, and poop-p-p, and other
sounds resembling stifled snorts, or the opening of soda-water
bottles, yet when the Rat had quite finished, he heaved a deep sigh
and said, very nicely and humbly, "Quite right, Ratty! How _sound_ you
always are! Yes, I've been a conceited old ass, I can quite see that;
but now I'm going to be a good Toad, and not do it any more. As for
motor-cars, I've not been at all so keen about them since my last
ducking in that river of yours. The fact is, while I was hanging on to
the edge of your hole and getting my breath, I had a sudden idea--a
really brilliant idea--connected with motor-boats--there, there! don't
take on so, old chap, and stamp, and upset things; it was only an
idea, and we won't talk any more about it now. We'll have our coffee,
_and_ a smoke, and a quiet chat, and then I'm going to stroll quietly
down to Toad Hall, and get into clothes of my own, and set things
going again on the old lines. I've had enough of adventures. I shall
lead a quiet, steady, respectable life, pottering about my property,
and improving it, and doing a little landscape gardening at times.
There will always be a bit of dinner for my friends when they come to
see me; and I shall keep a pony-chaise to jog about the country in,
just as I used to in the good old days, before I got restless, and
wanted to _do_ things."

"Stroll quietly down to Toad Hall?" cried the Rat, greatly excited.
"What are you talking about? Do you mean to say you haven't _heard_?"

"Heard what?" said Toad, turning rather pale. "Go on, Ratty! Quick!
Don't spare me! What haven't I heard?"

"Do you mean to tell me," shouted the Rat, thumping with his little
fist upon the table, "that you've heard nothing about the Stoats and
Weasels?"

"What, the Wild Wooders?" cried Toad, trembling in every limb. "No,
not a word! What have they been doing?"

"--And how they've been and taken Toad Hall?" continued the Rat.

Toad leaned his elbows on the table, and his chin on his paws; and a
large tear welled up in each of his eyes, overflowed and splashed on
the table, plop! plop!

"Go on, Ratty," he murmured presently; "tell me all. The worst is
over. I am an animal again. I can bear it."

"When you--got--into that--that--trouble of yours," said the Rat,
slowly and impressively; "I mean, when you--disappeared from society
for a time, over that misunderstanding about a--a machine, you know--"

Toad merely nodded.

"Well, it was a good deal talked about down here, naturally,"
continued the Rat, "not only along the riverside, but even in the Wild
Wood. Animals took sides, as always happens. The River-bankers stuck
up for you, and said you had been infamously treated, and there was no
justice to be had in the land nowadays. But the Wild Wood animals said
hard things, and served you right, and it was time this sort of thing
was stopped. And they got very cocky, and went about saying you were
done for this time! You would never come back again, never, never!"

Toad nodded once more, keeping silence.

"That's the sort of little beasts they are," the Rat went on. "But
Mole and Badger, they stuck out, through thick and thin, that you
would come back again soon, somehow. They didn't know exactly how, but
somehow!"

Toad began to sit up in his chair again, and to smirk a little.

"They argued from history," continued the Rat. "They said that no
criminal laws had ever been known to prevail against cheek and
plausibility such as yours, combined with the power of a long purse.
So they arranged to move their things in to Toad Hall, and sleep
there, and keep it aired, and have it all ready for you when you
turned up. They didn't guess what was going to happen, of course;
still, they had their suspicions of the Wild Wood animals. Now I come
to the most painful and tragic part of my story. One dark night--it
was a _very_ dark night, and blowing hard, too, and raining simply
cats and dogs--a band of weasels, armed to the teeth, crept silently
up the carriage-drive to the front entrance. Simultaneously, a body of
desperate ferrets, advancing through the kitchen-garden, possessed
themselves of the backyard and offices; while a company of skirmishing
stoats who stuck at nothing occupied the conservatory and the
billiard-room, and held the French windows opening on to the lawn.

"The Mole and the Badger were sitting by the fire in the smoking-room,
telling stories and suspecting nothing, for it wasn't a night for any
animals to be out in, when those bloodthirsty villains broke down the
doors and rushed in upon them from every side. They made the best
fight they could, but what was the good? They were unarmed, and taken
by surprise, and what can two animals do against hundreds? They took
and beat them severely with sticks, those two poor faithful creatures,
and turned them out into the cold and the wet, with many insulting and
uncalled-for remarks!"

Here the unfeeling Toad broke into a snigger, and then pulled himself
together and tried to look particularly solemn.

"And the Wild Wooders have been living in Toad Hall ever since,"
continued the Rat; "and going on simply anyhow! Lying in bed half the
day, and breakfast at all hours, and the place in such a mess (I'm
told) it's not fit to be seen! Eating your grub, and drinking your
drink, and making bad jokes about you, and singing vulgar songs,
about--well, about prisons and magistrates, and policemen; horrid
personal songs, with no humour in them. And they're telling the
tradespeople and everybody that they've come to stay for good."

"O, have they!" said Toad, getting up and seizing a stick. "I'll jolly
soon see about that!"

"It's no good, Toad!" called the Rat after him. "You'd better come
back and sit down; you'll only get into trouble."

But the Toad was off, and there was no holding him. He marched rapidly
down the road, his stick over his shoulder, fuming and muttering to
himself in his anger, till he got near his front gate, when suddenly
there popped up from behind the palings a long yellow ferret with a
gun.

"Who comes there?" said the ferret sharply.

"Stuff and nonsense!" said Toad, very angrily. "What do you mean by
talking like that to me? Come out of that at once or I'll--"

The ferret said never a word, but he brought his gun up to his
shoulder. Toad prudently dropped flat in the road, and _Bang_! a
bullet whistled over his head.

The startled Toad scrambled to his feet and scampered off down the
road as hard as he could; and as he ran he heard the ferret laughing
and other horrid thin little laughs taking it up and carrying on the
sound.

He went back, very crestfallen, and told the Water Rat.

"What did I tell you?" said the Rat. "It's no good. They've got
sentries posted, and they are all armed. You must just wait."

Still, Toad was not inclined to give in all at once. So he got out the
boat, and set off rowing up the river to where the garden front of
Toad Hall came down to the water-side.

Arriving within sight of his old home, he rested on his oars and
surveyed the land cautiously. All seemed very peaceful and deserted
and quiet. He could see the whole front of Toad Hall, glowing in the
evening sunshine, the pigeons settling by twos and threes along the
straight line of the roof; the garden, a blaze of flowers; the creek
that led up to the boat-house, the little wooden bridge that crossed
it; all tranquil, uninhabited, apparently waiting for his return. He
would try the boat-house first, he thought. Very warily he paddled up
to the mouth of the creek, and was just passing under the bridge,
when ... _Crash_!

A great stone, dropped from above, smashed through the bottom of the
boat. It filled and sank, and Toad found himself struggling in deep
water. Looking up, he saw two stoats leaning over the parapet of the
bridge and watching him with great glee. "It will be your head next
time, Toady!" they called out to him. The indignant Toad swam to
shore, while the stoats laughed and laughed, supporting each other,
and laughed again, till they nearly had two fits--that is, one fit
each, of course.

The Toad retraced his weary way on foot, and related his disappointing
experiences to the Water Rat once more.

"Well, _what_ did I tell you?" said the Rat very crossly. "And, now, look
here! See what you've been and done! Lost me my boat that I was so fond
of, that's what you've done! And simply ruined that nice suit of clothes
that I lent you! Really, Toad, of all the trying animals--I wonder you
manage to keep any friends at all!"

The Toad saw at once how wrongly and foolishly he had acted. He
admitted his errors and wrong-headedness and made a full apology to
Rat for losing his boat and spoiling his clothes. And he wound up by
saying, with that frank self-surrender which always disarmed his
friends' criticism and won them back to his side, "Ratty! I see that I
have been a headstrong and a wilful Toad! Henceforth, believe me, I
will be humble and submissive, and will take no action without your
kind advice and full approval!"

"If that is really so," said the good-natured Rat, already appeased,
"then my advice to you is, considering the lateness of the hour, to
sit down and have your supper, which will be on the table in a minute,
and be very patient. For I am convinced that we can do nothing until
we have seen the Mole and the Badger, and heard their latest news, and
held conference and taken their advice in this difficult matter."

"Oh, ah, yes, of course, the Mole and the Badger," said Toad,
lightly. "What's become of them, the dear fellows? I had forgotten all
about them."

"Well may you ask!" said the Rat reproachfully. "While you were riding
about the country in expensive motor-cars, and galloping proudly on
blood-horses, and breakfasting on the fat of the land, those two poor
devoted animals have been camping out in the open, in every sort of
weather, living very rough by day and lying very hard by night;
watching over your house, patrolling your boundaries, keeping a
constant eye on the stoats and the weasels, scheming and planning and
contriving how to get your property back for you. You don't deserve to
have such true and loyal friends, Toad, you don't, really. Some day,
when it's too late, you'll be sorry you didn't value them more while
you had them!"

"I'm an ungrateful beast, I know," sobbed Toad, shedding bitter tears.
"Let me go out and find them, out into the cold, dark night, and share
their hardships, and try and prove by--Hold on a bit! Surely I heard
the chink of dishes on a tray! Supper's here at last, hooray! Come
on, Ratty!"

The Rat remembered that poor Toad had been on prison fare for a
considerable time, and that large allowances had therefore to be made.
He followed him to the table accordingly, and hospitably encouraged
him in his gallant efforts to make up for past privations.

They had just finished their meal and resumed their arm-chairs, when
there came a heavy knock at the door.

Toad was nervous, but the Rat, nodding mysteriously at him, went
straight up to the door and opened it, and in walked Mr. Badger.

He had all the appearance of one who for some nights had been kept
away from home and all its little comforts and conveniences. His shoes
were covered with mud, and he was looking very rough and touzled; but
then he had never been a very smart man, the Badger, at the best of
times. He came solemnly up to Toad, shook him by the paw, and said,
"Welcome home, Toad! Alas! what am I saying? Home, indeed! This is a
poor home-coming. Unhappy Toad!" Then he turned his back on him, sat
down to the table, drew his chair up, and helped himself to a large
slice of cold pie.

Toad was quite alarmed at this very serious and portentous style of
greeting; but the Rat whispered to him, "Never mind; don't take any
notice; and don't say anything to him just yet. He's always rather low
and despondent when he's wanting his victuals. In half an hour's time
he'll be quite a different animal."

So they waited in silence, and presently there came another and a
lighter knock. The Rat, with a nod to Toad, went to the door and
ushered in the Mole, very shabby and unwashed, with bits of hay and
straw sticking in his fur.

"Hooray! Here's old Toad!" cried the Mole, his face beaming. "Fancy
having you back again!" And he began to dance round him. "We never
dreamt you would turn up so soon! Why, you must have managed to
escape, you clever, ingenious, intelligent Toad!"

The Rat, alarmed, pulled him by the elbow; but it was too late. Toad
was puffing and swelling already.

"Clever? O, no!" he said. "I'm not really clever, according to my
friends. I've only broken out of the strongest prison in England,
that's all! And captured a railway train and escaped on it, that's
all! And disguised myself and gone about the country humbugging
everybody, that's all! O, no! I'm a stupid ass, I am! I'll tell you
one or two of my little adventures, Mole, and you shall judge for
yourself!"

"Well, well," said the Mole, moving towards the supper-table;
"supposing you talk while I eat. Not a bite since breakfast! O my! O
my!" And he sat down and helped himself liberally to cold beef and
pickles.

Toad straddled on the hearth-rug, thrust his paw into his
trouser-pocket and pulled out a handful of silver. "Look at that!" he
cried, displaying it. "That's not so bad, is it, for a few minutes'
work? And how do you think I done it, Mole? Horse-dealing! That's how
I done it!"

"Go on, Toad," said the Mole, immensely interested.

"Toad, do be quiet, please!" said the Rat. "And don't you egg him on,
Mole, when you know what he is; but please tell us as soon as possible
what the position is, and what's best to be done, now that Toad is
back at last."

"The position's about as bad as it can be," replied the Mole grumpily;
"and as for what's to be done, why, blest if I know! The Badger and I
have been round and round the place, by night and by day; always the
same thing. Sentries posted everywhere, guns poked out at us, stones
thrown at us; always an animal on the look-out, and when they see us,
my! how they do laugh! That's what annoys me most!"

"It's a very difficult situation," said the Rat, reflecting deeply.
"But I think I see now, in the depths of my mind, what Toad really
ought to do. I will tell you. He ought to--"

"No, he oughtn't!" shouted the Mole, with his mouth full. "Nothing of
the sort! You don't understand. What he ought to do is, he ought
to--"

"Well, I shan't do it, anyway!" cried Toad, getting excited. "I'm not
going to be ordered about by you fellows! It's my house we're talking
about, and I know exactly what to do, and I'll tell you. I'm going
to--"

By this time they were all three talking at once, at the top of their
voices, and the noise was simply deafening, when a thin, dry voice
made itself heard, saying, "Be quiet at once, all of you!" and
instantly every one was silent.

It was the Badger, who, having finished his pie, had turned round in
his chair and was looking at them severely. When he saw that he had
secured their attention, and that they were evidently waiting for him
to address them, he turned back to the table again and reached out for
the cheese. And so great was the respect commanded by the solid
qualities of that admirable animal, that not another word was uttered,
until he had quite finished his repast and brushed the crumbs from his
knees. The Toad fidgeted a good deal, but the Rat held him firmly
down.

When the Badger had quite done, he got up from his seat and stood
before the fireplace, reflecting deeply. At last he spoke.

"Toad," he said severely. "You bad, troublesome little animal! Aren't
you ashamed of yourself? What do you think your father, my old friend,
would have said if he had been here to-night, and had known of all
your goings on?"

Toad, who was on the sofa by this time, with his legs up, rolled over
on his face, shaken by sobs of contrition.

"There, there!" went on the Badger, more kindly. "Never mind. Stop
crying. We're going to let bygones be bygones, and try and turn over a
new leaf. But what the Mole says is quite true. The stoats are on
guard, at every point, and they make the best sentinels in the world.
It's quite useless to think of attacking the place. They're too strong
for us."

"Then it's all over," sobbed the Toad, crying into the sofa cushions.
"I shall go and enlist for a soldier, and never see my dear Toad Hall
any more!"

"Come, cheer up, Toady!" said the Badger. "There are more ways of
getting back a place than taking it by storm. I haven't said my last
word yet. Now I'm going to tell you a great secret."

Toad sat up slowly and dried his eyes. Secrets had an immense
attraction for him, because he never could keep one, and he enjoyed
the sort of unhallowed thrill he experienced when he went and told
another animal, after having faithfully promised not to.

"There--is--an--underground--passage," said the Badger, impressively,
"that leads from the river-bank, quite near here, right up into the
middle of Toad Hall."

"O, nonsense! Badger," said Toad, rather airily. "You've been
listening to some of the yarns they spin in the public-houses about
here. I know every inch of Toad Hall, inside and out. Nothing of the
sort, I do assure you!"

"My young friend," said the Badger, with great severity, "your father,
who was a worthy animal--a lot worthier than some others I know--was a
particular friend of mine, and told me a great deal he wouldn't have
dreamt of telling you. He discovered that passage--he didn't make it,
of course; that was done hundreds of years before he ever came to live
there--and he repaired it and cleaned it out, because he thought it
might come in useful some day, in case of trouble or danger; and he
showed it to me. 'Don't let my son know about it,' he said. 'He's a
good boy, but very light and volatile in character, and simply cannot
hold his tongue. If he's ever in a real fix, and it would be of use to
him, you may tell him about the secret passage; but not before.'"

The other animals looked hard at Toad to see how he would take it.
Toad was inclined to be sulky at first; but he brightened up
immediately, like the good fellow he was.

"Well, well," he said; "perhaps I am a bit of a talker. A popular
fellow such as I am--my friends get round me--we chaff, we sparkle, we
tell witty stories--and somehow my tongue gets wagging. I have the
gift of conversation. I've been told I ought to have a _salon_,
whatever that may be. Never mind. Go on, Badger. How's this passage of
yours going to help us?"

"I've found out a thing or two lately," continued the Badger. "I got
Otter to disguise himself as a sweep and call at the back-door with
brushes over his shoulder, asking for a job. There's going to be a big
banquet to-morrow night. It's somebody's birthday--the Chief Weasel's,
I believe--and all the weasels will be gathered together in the
dining-hall, eating and drinking and laughing and carrying on,
suspecting nothing. No guns, no swords, no sticks, no arms of any sort
whatever!"

"But the sentinels will be posted as usual," remarked the Rat.

"Exactly," said the Badger; "that is my point. The weasels will trust
entirely to their excellent sentinels. And that is where the passage
comes in. That very useful tunnel leads right up under the butler's
pantry, next to the dining-hall!"

"Aha! that squeaky board in the butler's pantry!" said Toad. "Now I
understand it!"

"We shall creep out quietly into the butler's pantry--" cried the
Mole.

"--with our pistols and swords and sticks--" shouted the Rat.

"--and rush in upon them," said the Badger.

"--and whack 'em, and whack 'em, and whack 'em!" cried the Toad in
ecstasy, running round and round the room, and jumping over the
chairs.

"Very well, then," said the Badger, resuming his usual dry manner,
"our plan is settled, and there's nothing more for you to argue and
squabble about. So, as it's getting very late, all of you go right off
to bed at once. We will make all the necessary arrangements in the
course of the morning to-morrow."

Toad, of course, went off to bed dutifully with the rest--he knew
better than to refuse--though he was feeling much too excited to
sleep. But he had had a long day, with many events crowded into it;
and sheets and blankets were very friendly and comforting things,
after plain straw, and not too much of it, spread on the stone floor
of a draughty cell; and his head had not been many seconds on his
pillow before he was snoring happily. Naturally, he dreamt a good
deal; about roads that ran away from him just when he wanted them, and
canals that chased him and caught him, and a barge that sailed into
the banqueting-hall with his week's washing, just as he was giving a
dinner-party; and he was alone in the secret passage, pushing onwards,
but it twisted and turned round and shook itself, and sat up on its
end; yet somehow, at the last, he found himself back in Toad Hall,
safe and triumphant, with all his friends gathered round about him,
earnestly assuring him that he really was a clever Toad.

He slept till a late hour next morning, and by the time he got down he
found that the other animals had finished their breakfast some time before.
The Mole had slipped off somewhere by himself, without telling any one
where he was going to. The Badger sat in the arm-chair, reading the paper,
and not concerning himself in the slightest about what was going to happen
that very evening. The Rat, on the other hand, was running round the room
busily, with his arms full of weapons of every kind, distributing them in
four little heaps on the floor, and saying excitedly under his breath, as
he ran, "Here's-a-sword-for-the-Rat, here's-a-sword-for-the-Mole,
here's-a-sword-for-the-Toad, here's-a-sword-for-the-Badger!
Here's-a-pistol-for-the-Rat, here's-a-pistol-for-the-Mole,
here's-a-pistol-for-the-Toad, here's-a-pistol-for-the-Badger!" And so on,
in a regular, rhythmical way, while the four little heaps gradually grew
and grew.

"That's all very well, Rat," said the Badger presently, looking at the
busy little animal over the edge of his newspaper; "I'm not blaming
you. But just let us once get past the stoats, with those detestable
guns of theirs, and I assure you we shan't want any swords or pistols.
We four, with our sticks, once we're inside the dining-hall, why, we
shall clear the floor of all the lot of them in five minutes. I'd have
done the whole thing by myself, only I didn't want to deprive you
fellows of the fun!"

"It's as well to be on the safe side," said the Rat reflectively,
polishing a pistol-barrel on his sleeve and looking along it.

The Toad, having finished his breakfast, picked up a stout stick and
swung it vigorously, belabouring imaginary animals. "I'll learn 'em
to steal my house!" he cried. "I'll learn 'em, I'll learn 'em!"

"Don't say 'learn 'em,' Toad," said the Rat, greatly shocked. "It's
not good English."

"What are you always nagging at Toad for?" inquired the Badger, rather
peevishly. "What's the matter with his English? It's the same what I
use myself, and if it's good enough for me, it ought to be good enough
for you!"

"I'm very sorry," said the Rat humbly. "Only I _think_ it ought to be
'teach 'em,' not 'learn 'em.'"

"But we don't _want_ to teach 'em," replied the Badger. "We want to
_learn_ 'em--learn 'em, learn 'em! And what's more, we're going to
_do_ it, too!"

"Oh, very well, have it your own way," said the Rat. He was getting
rather muddled about it himself, and presently he retired into a
corner, where he could be heard muttering, "Learn 'em, teach 'em,
teach 'em, learn 'em!" till the Badger told him rather sharply to
leave off.

Presently the Mole came tumbling into the room, evidently very pleased
with himself. "I've been having such fun!" he began at once; "I've
been getting a rise out of the stoats!"

"I hope you've been very careful, Mole?" said the Rat anxiously.

"I should hope so, too," said the Mole confidently. "I got the idea
when I went into the kitchen, to see about Toad's breakfast being kept
hot for him. I found that old washerwoman-dress that he came home in
yesterday, hanging on a towel-horse before the fire. So I put it on,
and the bonnet as well, and the shawl, and off I went to Toad Hall, as
bold as you please. The sentries were on the look-out, of course, with
their guns and their 'Who comes there?' and all the rest of their
nonsense. 'Good morning, gentlemen!' says I, very respectful. 'Want
any washing done to-day?' They looked at me very proud and stiff and
haughty, and said, 'Go away, washerwoman! We don't do any washing on
duty.' 'Or any other time?' says I. Ho, ho, ho! Wasn't I _funny_,
Toad?"

"Poor, frivolous animal!" said Toad, very loftily. The fact is, he
felt exceedingly jealous of Mole for what he had just done. It was
exactly what he would have liked to have done himself, if only he had
thought of it first, and hadn't gone and overslept himself.

"Some of the stoats turned quite pink," continued the Mole, "and the
Sergeant in charge, he said to me, very short, he said, 'Now run away,
my good woman, run away! Don't keep my men idling and talking on their
posts.' 'Run away?' says I; 'it won't be me that'll be running away,
in a very short time from now!'"

"O _Moly_, how could you?" said the Rat, dismayed.

The Badger laid down his paper.

"I could see them pricking up their ears and looking at each other,"
went on the Mole; "and the Sergeant said to them, 'Never mind _her_;
she doesn't know what she's talking about.'"

"'O! don't I?' said I. 'Well, let me tell you this. My daughter, she
washes for Mr. Badger, and that'll show you whether I know what I'm
talking about; and _you'll_ know pretty soon, too! A hundred
bloodthirsty badgers, armed with rifles, are going to attack Toad Hall
this very night, by way of the paddock. Six boatloads of Rats, with
pistols and cutlasses, will come up the river and effect a landing in
the garden; while a picked body of Toads, known as the Die-hards, or
the Death-or-Glory Toads, will storm the orchard and carry everything
before them, yelling for vengeance. There won't be much left of you to
wash, by the time they've done with you, unless you clear out while
you have the chance!' Then I ran away, and when I was out of sight I
hid; and presently I came creeping back along the ditch and took a
peep at them through the hedge. They were all as nervous and flustered
as could be, running all ways at once, and falling over each other,
and every one giving orders to everybody else and not listening; and
the Sergeant kept sending off parties of stoats to distant parts of
the grounds, and then sending other fellows to fetch 'em back again;
and I heard them saying to each other, 'That's just like the weasels;
they're to stop comfortably in the banqueting-hall, and have feasting
and toasts and songs and all sorts of fun, while we must stay on guard
in the cold and the dark, and in the end be cut to pieces by
bloodthirsty Badgers!'"

"Oh, you silly ass, Mole!" cried Toad, "You've been and spoilt
everything!"

"Mole," said the Badger, in his dry, quiet way, "I perceive you have
more sense in your little finger than some other animals have in the
whole of their fat bodies. You have managed excellently, and I begin
to have great hopes of you. Good Mole! Clever Mole!"

The Toad was simply wild with jealousy, more especially as he couldn't
make out for the life of him what the Mole had done that was so
particularly clever; but, fortunately for him, before he could show
temper or expose himself to the Badger's sarcasm, the bell rang for
luncheon.

It was a simple but sustaining meal--bacon and broad beans, and a
macaroni pudding; and when they had quite done, the Badger settled
himself into an arm-chair, and said, "Well, we've got our work cut
out for us to-night, and it will probably be pretty late before we're
quite through with it; so I'm just going to take forty winks, while I
can." And he drew a handkerchief over his face and was soon snoring.

The anxious and laborious Rat at once resumed his preparations,
and started running between his four little heaps, muttering,
"Here's-a-belt-for-the-Rat, here's-a-belt-for-the-Mole,
here's-a-belt-for-the-Toad, here's-a-belt-for-the-Badger!" and so on,
with every fresh accoutrement he produced, to which there seemed
really no end; so the Mole drew his arm through Toad's, led him out
into the open air, shoved him into a wicker chair, and made him tell
him all his adventures from beginning to end, which Toad was only too
willing to do. The Mole was a good listener, and Toad, with no one to
check his statements or to criticise in an unfriendly spirit, rather
let himself go. Indeed, much that he related belonged more properly to
the category of what-might-have-happened-had-I-only-thought-of-it-in-
time-instead-of-ten-minutes-afterwards. Those are always the best and
the raciest adventures; and why should they not be truly ours, as much
as the somewhat inadequate things that really come off?



When it began to grow dark, the Rat, with an air of excitement and
mystery, summoned them back into the parlour, stood each of them up
alongside of his little heap, and proceeded to dress them up for the
coming expedition. He was very earnest and thorough-going about it,
and the affair took quite a long time. First, there was a belt to go
round each animal, and then a sword to be stuck into each belt, and
then a cutlass on the other side to balance it. Then a pair of
pistols, a policeman's truncheon, several sets of handcuffs, some
bandages and sticking-plaster, and a flask and a sandwich-case. The
Badger laughed good-humouredly and said, "All right, Ratty! It amuses
you and it doesn't hurt me. I'm going to do all I've got to do with
this here stick." But the Rat only said, "_Please_, Badger. You know
I shouldn't like you to blame me afterwards and say I had forgotten
_anything_!"

When all was quite ready, the Badger took a dark lantern in one paw,
grasped his great stick with the other, and said, "Now then, follow
me! Mole first, 'cos I'm very pleased with him; Rat next; Toad last.
And look here, Toady! Don't you chatter so much as usual, or you'll be
sent back, as sure as fate!"

The Toad was so anxious not to be left out that he took up the
inferior position assigned to him without a murmur, and the animals
set off. The Badger led them along by the river for a little way, and
then suddenly swung himself over the edge into a hole in the river
bank, a little above the water. The Mole and the Rat followed
silently, swinging themselves successfully into the hole as they had
seen the Badger do; but when it came to Toad's turn, of course he
managed to slip and fall into the water with a loud splash and a
squeal of alarm. He was hauled out by his friends, rubbed down and
wrung out hastily, comforted, and set on his legs; but the Badger was
seriously angry, and told him that the very next time he made a
fool of himself he would most certainly be left behind.

[Illustration: _The Badger said, "Now then, follow me!"_]

So at last they were in the secret passage, and the cutting-out
expedition had really begun!

It was cold, and dark, and damp, and low, and narrow, and poor Toad
began to shiver, partly from dread of what might be before him, partly
because he was wet through. The lantern was far ahead, and he could
not help lagging behind a little in the darkness. Then he heard the
Rat call out warningly, "_Come_ on, Toad!" and a terror seized him of
being left behind, alone in the darkness, and he "came on" with such a
rush that he upset the Rat into the Mole, and the Mole into the
Badger, and for a moment all was confusion. The Badger thought they
were being attacked from behind, and, as there was no room to use a
stick or a cutlass, drew a pistol, and was on the point of putting a
bullet into Toad. When he found out what had really happened he was
very angry indeed, and said, "Now this time that tiresome Toad _shall_
be left behind!"

But Toad whimpered, and the other two promised that they would be
answerable for his good conduct, and at last the Badger was pacified,
and the procession moved on; only this time the Rat brought up the
rear, with a firm grip on the shoulder of Toad.

So they groped and shuffled along, with their ears pricked up and
their paws on their pistols, till at last the Badger said, "We ought
by now to be pretty nearly under the Hall."

Then suddenly they heard, far away as it might be, and yet apparently
nearly over their heads, a confused murmur of sound, as if people were
shouting and cheering and stamping on the floor and hammering on
tables. The Toad's nervous terrors all returned, but the Badger only
remarked placidly, "They _are_ going it, the weasels!"

The passage now began to slope upwards; they groped onward a little
further, and then the noise broke out again, quite distinct this time,
and very close above them. "Ooo-ray-oo-ray-oo-ray-ooray!" they heard,
and the stamping of little feet on the floor, and the clinking of
glasses as little fists pounded on the table. "_What_ a time they're
having!" said the Badger. "Come on!" They hurried along the passage
till it came to a full stop, and they found themselves standing under
the trap-door that led up into the butler's pantry.

Such a tremendous noise was going on in the banqueting-hall that there
was little danger of their being overheard. The Badger said, "Now,
boys, all together!" and the four of them put their shoulders to the
trap-door and heaved it back. Hoisting each other up, they found
themselves standing in the pantry, with only a door between them and
the banqueting-hall, where their unconscious enemies were carousing.

The noise, as they emerged from the passage, was simply deafening. At
last, as the cheering and hammering slowly subsided, a voice could be
made out saying, "Well, I do not propose to detain you much
longer"--(great applause)--"but before I resume my seat"--(renewed
cheering)--"I should like to say one word about our kind host, Mr.
Toad. We all know Toad!"--(great laughter)--"_Good_ Toad, _modest_
Toad, _honest_ Toad!" (shrieks of merriment).

"Only just let me get at him!" muttered Toad, grinding his teeth.

"Hold hard a minute!" said the Badger, restraining him with
difficulty. "Get ready, all of you!"

"--Let me sing you a little song," went on the voice, "which I have
composed on the subject of Toad"--(prolonged applause).

Then the Chief Weasel--for it was he--began in a high, squeaky voice--

        "Toad he went a-pleasuring
         Gaily down the street--"

The Badger drew himself up, took a firm grip of his stick with both
paws, glanced round at his comrades, and cried--

"The hour is come! Follow me!"

And flung the door open wide.

My!

What a squealing and a squeaking and a screeching filled the air!

Well might the terrified weasels dive under the tables and spring
madly up at the windows! Well might the ferrets rush wildly for the
fireplace and get hopelessly jammed in the chimney! Well might tables
and chairs be upset, and glass and china be sent crashing on the
floor, in the panic of that terrible moment when the four Heroes
strode wrathfully into the room! The mighty Badger, his whiskers
bristling, his great cudgel whistling through the air; Mole, black and
grim, brandishing his stick and shouting his awful war-cry, "A Mole! A
Mole!" Rat, desperate and determined, his belt bulging with weapons of
every age and every variety; Toad, frenzied with excitement and
injured pride, swollen to twice his ordinary size, leaping into the
air and emitting Toad-whoops that chilled them to the marrow! "Toad he
went a-pleasuring!" he yelled. "_I'll_ pleasure 'em!" and he went
straight for the Chief Weasel. They were but four in all, but to the
panic-stricken weasels the hall seemed full of monstrous animals,
grey, black, brown and yellow, whooping and flourishing enormous
cudgels; and they broke and fled with squeals of terror and dismay,
this way and that, through the windows, up the chimney, anywhere to
get out of reach of those terrible sticks.

The affair was soon over. Up and down, the whole length of the hall,
strode the four Friends, whacking with their sticks at every head that
showed itself; and in five minutes the room was cleared. Through the
broken windows the shrieks of terrified weasels escaping across the
lawn were borne faintly to their ears; on the floor lay prostrate some
dozen or so of the enemy, on whom the Mole was busily engaged in
fitting handcuffs. The Badger, resting from his labours, leant on his
stick and wiped his honest brow.

"Mole," he said, "you're the best of fellows! Just cut along outside
and look after those stoat-sentries of yours, and see what they're
doing. I've an idea that, thanks to you, we shan't have much trouble
from _them_ to-night!"

The Mole vanished promptly through a window; and the Badger bade the
other two set a table on its legs again, pick up knives and forks and
plates and glasses from the _debris_ on the floor, and see if they
could find materials for a supper. "I want some grub, I do," he said,
in that rather common way he had of speaking. "Stir your stumps, Toad,
and look lively! We've got your house back for you, and you don't
offer us so much as a sandwich."

Toad felt rather hurt that the Badger didn't say pleasant things to
him, as he had to the Mole, and tell him what a fine fellow he was,
and how splendidly he had fought; for he was rather particularly
pleased with himself and the way he had gone for the Chief Weasel and
sent him flying across the table with one blow of his stick. But he
bustled about, and so did the Rat, and soon they found some guava
jelly in a glass dish, and a cold chicken, a tongue that had hardly
been touched, some trifle, and quite a lot of lobster salad; and in
the pantry they came upon a basketful of French rolls and any quantity
of cheese, butter, and celery. They were just about to sit down when
the Mole clambered in through the window, chuckling, with an armful of
rifles.

"It's all over," he reported. "From what I can make out, as soon as
the stoats, who were very nervous and jumpy already, heard the shrieks
and the yells and the uproar inside the hall, some of them threw down
their rifles and fled. The others stood fast for a bit, but when the
weasels came rushing out upon them they thought they were betrayed;
and the stoats grappled with the weasels, and the weasels fought to
get away, and they wrestled and wriggled and punched each other, and
rolled over and over, till most of 'em rolled into the river! They've
all disappeared by now, one way or another; and I've got their rifles.
So _that's_ all right!"

"Excellent and deserving animal!" said the Badger, his mouth full of
chicken and trifle. "Now, there's just one more thing I want you to
do, Mole, before you sit down to your supper along of us; and I
wouldn't trouble you only I know I can trust you to see a thing done,
and I wish I could say the same of every one I know. I'd send Rat, if
he wasn't a poet. I want you to take those fellows on the floor there
upstairs with you, and have some bedrooms cleaned out and tidied up
and made really comfortable. See that they sweep _under_ the beds, and
put clean sheets and pillow-cases on, and turn down one corner of the
bed-clothes, just as you know it ought to be done; and have a can of
hot water, and clean towels, and fresh cakes of soap, put in each
room. And then you can give them a licking a-piece, if it's any
satisfaction to you, and put them out by the back-door, and we shan't
see any more of _them_, I fancy. And then come along and have some of
this cold tongue. It's first rate. I'm very pleased with you, Mole!"

The good-natured Mole picked up a stick, formed his prisoners up in a
line on the floor, gave them the order "Quick march!" and led his
squad off to the upper floor. After a time, he appeared again,
smiling, and said that every room was ready and as clean as a new pin.
"And I didn't have to lick them, either," he added. "I thought, on the
whole, they had had licking enough for one night, and the weasels,
when I put the point to them, quite agreed with me, and said they
wouldn't think of troubling me. They were very penitent, and said
they were extremely sorry for what they had done, but it was all the
fault of the Chief Weasel and the stoats, and if ever they could do
anything for us at any time to make up, we had only got to mention it.
So I gave them a roll a-piece, and let them out at the back, and off
they ran, as hard as they could!"

Then the Mole pulled his chair up to the table, and pitched into the
cold tongue; and Toad, like the gentleman he was, put all his jealousy
from him, and said heartily, "Thank you kindly, dear Mole, for all
your pains and trouble to-night, and especially for your cleverness
this morning!" The Badger was pleased at that, and said, "There spoke
my brave Toad!" So they finished their supper in great joy and
contentment, and presently retired to rest between clean sheets, safe
in Toad's ancestral home, won back by matchless valour, consummate
strategy, and a proper handling of sticks.

The following morning, Toad, who had overslept himself as usual, came
down to breakfast disgracefully late, and found on the table a
certain quantity of egg-shells, some fragments of cold and leathery
toast, a coffee-pot three-fourths empty, and really very little else;
which did not tend to improve his temper, considering that, after all,
it was his own house. Through the French windows of the breakfast-room
he could see the Mole and the Water Rat sitting in wicker chairs out
on the lawn, evidently telling each other stories; roaring with
laughter and kicking their short legs up in the air. The Badger, who
was in an arm-chair and deep in the morning paper, merely looked up
and nodded when Toad entered the room. But Toad knew his man, so he
sat down and made the best breakfast he could, merely observing to
himself that he would get square with the others sooner or later. When
he had nearly finished, the Badger looked up and remarked rather
shortly: "I'm sorry, Toad, but I'm afraid there's a heavy morning's
work in front of you. You see, we really ought to have a Banquet at
once, to celebrate this affair. It's expected of you--in fact, it's
the rule."

"O, all right!" said the Toad, readily. "Anything to oblige. Though
why on earth you should want to have a Banquet in the morning I cannot
understand. But you know I do not live to please myself, but merely to
find out what my friends want, and then try and arrange it for 'em,
you dear old Badger!"

"Don't pretend to be stupider than you really are," replied the
Badger, crossly; "and don't chuckle and splutter in your coffee while
you're talking; it's not manners. What I mean is, the Banquet will be
at night, of course, but the invitations will have to be written and
got off at once, and you've got to write 'em. Now sit down at that
table--there's stacks of letter-paper on it, with 'Toad Hall' at the
top in blue and gold--and write invitations to all our friends, and if
you stick to it we shall get them out before luncheon. And _I'll_ bear
a hand, too, and take my share of the burden. _I'll_ order the
Banquet."

"What!" cried Toad, dismayed. "Me stop indoors and write a lot of
rotten letters on a jolly morning like this, when I want to go around
my property and set everything and everybody to rights, and swagger
about and enjoy myself! Certainly not! I'll be--I'll see you--Stop a
minute, though! Why, of course, dear Badger! What is my pleasure or
convenience compared with that of others! You wish it done, and it
shall be done. Go, Badger, order the Banquet, order what you like;
then join our young friends outside in their innocent mirth, oblivious
of me and my cares and toils. I sacrifice this fair morning on the
altar of duty and friendship!"

The Badger looked at him very suspiciously, but Toad's frank, open
countenance made it difficult to suggest any unworthy motive in this
change of attitude. He quitted the room, accordingly, in the direction
of the kitchen, and as soon as the door had closed behind him, Toad
hurried to the writing-table. A fine idea had occurred to him while he
was talking. He _would_ write the invitations; and he would take care
to mention the leading part he had taken in the fight, and how he had
laid the Chief Weasel flat; and he would hint at his adventures, and
what a career of triumph he had to tell about; and on the fly-leaf he
would set out a sort of a programme of entertainment for the
evening--something like this, as he sketched it out in his head:--

        SPEECH                                      BY TOAD.
            (There will be other speeches by TOAD during
                         the evening.)

        ADDRESS                                     BY TOAD.
        SYNOPSIS--Our Prison System--the Waterways of Old
        England--Horse-dealing, and how to deal--Property,
        its rights and its duties--Back to the Land--A
        Typical English Squire.

        SONG                                        BY TOAD.
                   (_Composed by himself._)

        OTHER COMPOSITIONS                          BY TOAD
                 will be sung in the course of the
                 evening by the           COMPOSER.

The idea pleased him mightily, and he worked very hard and got all the
letters finished by noon, at which hour it was reported to him that
there was a small and rather bedraggled weasel at the door, inquiring
timidly whether he could be of any service to the gentleman. Toad
swaggered out and found it was one of the prisoners of the previous
evening, very respectful and anxious to please. He patted him on the
head, shoved the bundle of invitations into his paw, and told him to
cut along quick and deliver them as fast as he could, and if he liked
to come back again in the evening, perhaps there might be a shilling
for him, or, again, perhaps there mightn't; and the poor weasel seemed
really quite grateful, and hurried off eagerly to do his mission.

When the other animals came back to luncheon, very boisterous and
breezy after a morning on the river, the Mole, whose conscience had
been pricking him, looked doubtfully at Toad, expecting to find him
sulky or depressed. Instead, he was so uppish and inflated that the
Mole began to suspect something; while the Rat and the Badger
exchanged significant glances.

As soon as the meal was over, Toad thrust his paws deep into his
trouser-pockets, remarked casually, "Well, look after yourselves, you
fellows! Ask for anything you want!" and was swaggering off in the
direction of the garden, where he wanted to think out an idea or two
for his coming speeches, when the Rat caught him by the arm.

Toad rather suspected what he was after, and did his best to get away;
but when the Badger took him firmly by the other arm he began to see
that the game was up. The two animals conducted him between them into
the small smoking-room that opened out of the entrance-hall, shut the
door, and put him into a chair. Then they both stood in front of him,
while Toad sat silent and regarded them with much suspicion and
ill-humour.

"Now, look here, Toad," said the Rat. "It's about this Banquet, and
very sorry I am to have to speak to you like this. But we want you to
understand clearly, once and for all, that there are going to be no
speeches and no songs. Try and grasp the fact that on this occasion
we're not arguing with you; we're just telling you."

Toad saw that he was trapped. They understood him, they saw through
him, they had got ahead of him. His pleasant dream was shattered.

"Mayn't I sing them just one _little_ song?" he pleaded piteously.

"No, not _one_ little song," replied the Rat firmly, though his heart
bled as he noticed the trembling lip of the poor disappointed Toad.
"It's no good, Toady; you know well that your songs are all conceit
and boasting and vanity; and your speeches are all self-praise
and--and--well, and gross exaggeration and--and--"

"And gas," put in the Badger, in his common way.

"It's for your own good, Toady," went on the Rat. "You know you _must_
turn over a new leaf sooner or later, and now seems a splendid time to
begin; a sort of turning-point in your career. Please don't think that
saying all this doesn't hurt me more than it hurts you."

Toad remained a long while plunged in thought. At last he raised his
head, and the traces of strong emotion were visible on his features.
"You have conquered, my friends," he said in broken accents. "It was,
to be sure, but a small thing that I asked--merely leave to blossom
and expand for yet one more evening, to let myself go and hear the
tumultuous applause that always seems to me--somehow--to bring out my
best qualities. However, you are right, I know, and I am wrong.
Henceforth I will be a very different Toad. My friends, you shall
never have occasion to blush for me again. But, O dear, O dear, this
is a hard world!"

And, pressing his handkerchief to his face, he left the room, with
faltering footsteps.

"Badger," said the Rat, "I feel like a brute; I wonder what _you_ feel
like?"

"O, I know, I know," said the Badger gloomily. "But the thing had to
be done. This good fellow has got to live here, and hold his own, and
be respected. Would you have him a common laughing-stock, mocked and
jeered at by stoats and weasels?"

"Of course not," said the Rat. "And, talking of weasels, it's lucky we
came upon that little weasel, just as he was setting out with Toad's
invitations. I suspected something from what you told me, and had a
look at one or two; they were simply disgraceful. I confiscated the
lot, and the good Mole is now sitting in the blue _boudoir_, filling
up plain, simple invitation cards."

       *       *       *       *       *

At last the hour for the banquet began to draw near, and Toad, who on
leaving the others had retired to his bedroom, was still sitting
there, melancholy and thoughtful. His brow resting on his paw, he
pondered long and deeply. Gradually his countenance cleared, and he
began to smile long, slow smiles. Then he took to giggling in a shy,
self-conscious manner. At last he got up, locked the door, drew the
curtains across the windows, collected all the chairs in the room and
arranged them in a semicircle, and took up his position in front of
them, swelling visibly. Then he bowed, coughed twice, and, letting
himself go, with uplifted voice he sang, to the enraptured audience
that his imagination so clearly saw:

                TOAD'S LAST LITTLE SONG

        The Toad--came--home!
        There was panic in the parlours and howling in the halls,
        There was crying in the cow-sheds and shrieking in the stalls,
        When the Toad--came--home!

        When the Toad--came--home!
        There was smashing in of window and crashing in of door,
        There was chivvying of weasels that fainted on the floor,
        When the Toad--came--home!

        Bang! go the drums!
        The trumpeters are tooting and the soldiers are saluting,
        And the cannon they are shooting and the motor-cars are hooting,
        As the--Hero--comes!

        Shout--Hoo-ray!
        And let each one of the crowd try and shout it very loud,
        In honour of an animal of whom you're justly proud,
        For it's Toad's--great--day!

He sang this very loud, with great unction and expression; and when he
had done, he sang it all over again.

Then he heaved a deep sigh; a long, long, long sigh.

Then he dipped his hairbrush in the water-jug, parted his hair in the
middle, and plastered it down very straight and sleek on each side of
his face; and, unlocking the door, went quietly down the stairs to
greet his guests, who he knew must be assembling in the drawing-room.

All the animals cheered when he entered, and crowded round to
congratulate him and say nice things about his courage, and his
cleverness, and his fighting qualities; but Toad only smiled faintly,
and murmured, "Not at all!" Or, sometimes, for a change, "On the
contrary!" Otter, who was standing on the hearthrug, describing to an
admiring circle of friends exactly how he would have managed things
had he been there, came forward with a shout, threw his arm round
Toad's neck, and tried to take him round the room in triumphal
progress; but Toad, in a mild way, was rather snubby to him, remarking
gently, as he disengaged himself, "Badger's was the master mind; the
Mole and the Water Rat bore the brunt of the fighting; I merely served
in the ranks and did little or nothing." The animals were evidently
puzzled and taken aback by this unexpected attitude of his; and Toad
felt, as he moved from one guest to the other, making his modest
responses, that he was an object of absorbing interest to every one.

The Badger had ordered everything of the best, and the banquet was a
great success. There was much talking and laughter and chaff among the
animals, but through it all Toad, who of course was in the chair,
looked down his nose and murmured pleasant nothings to the animals on
either side of him. At intervals he stole a glance at the Badger and
the Rat, and always when he looked they were staring at each other
with their mouths open; and this gave him the greatest satisfaction.
Some of the younger and livelier animals, as the evening wore on, got
whispering to each other that things were not so amusing as they used
to be in the good old days; and there were some knockings on the table
and cries of "Toad! Speech! Speech from Toad! Song! Mr. Toad's song!"
But Toad only shook his head gently, raised one paw in mild protest,
and, by pressing delicacies on his guests, by topical small-talk, and
by earnest inquiries after members of their families not yet old
enough to appear at social functions, managed to convey to them that
this dinner was being run on strictly conventional lines.

He was indeed an altered Toad!

       *       *       *       *       *

After this climax, the four animals continued to lead their lives, so
rudely broken in upon by civil war, in great joy and contentment,
undisturbed by further risings or invasions. Toad, after due
consultation with his friends, selected a handsome gold chain and
locket set with pearls, which he dispatched to the gaoler's daughter,
with a letter that even the Badger admitted to be modest, grateful,
and appreciative; and the engine-driver, in his turn, was properly
thanked and compensated for all his pains and trouble. Under severe
compulsion from the Badger, even the barge-woman was, with some
trouble, sought out and the value of her horse discreetly made good
to her; though Toad kicked terribly at this, holding himself to be an
instrument of Fate, sent to punish fat women with mottled arms who
couldn't tell a real gentleman when they saw one. The amount involved,
it was true, was not very burdensome, the gipsy's valuation being
admitted by local assessors to be approximately correct.

Sometimes, in the course of long summer evenings, the friends would
take a stroll together in the Wild Wood, now successfully tamed so far
as they were concerned; and it was pleasing to see how respectfully
they were greeted by the inhabitants, and how the mother-weasels would
bring their young ones to the mouths of their holes, and say,
pointing, "Look, baby! There goes the great Mr. Toad! And that's the
gallant Water Rat, a terrible fighter, walking along o' him! And
yonder comes the famous Mr. Mole, of whom you so often have heard your
father tell!" But when their infants were fractious and quite beyond
control, they would quiet them by telling how, if they didn't hush
them and not fret them, the terrible grey Badger would up and get
them. This was a base libel on Badger, who, though he cared little
about Society, was rather fond of children; but it never failed to
have its full effect.

_The Wind in the Willows_

 "Like Summer Tempests Came His Tears" Now that Toad is back at the river, he wants to return immediately to Toad Hall. However, Rat has bad news: weasels and stoats moved into the property when they learned about Toad's sentence, and are now squatting there. Badger and Mole had tried to save the house, but were chased away by the weasels and stoats. Angry, Toad rushes to Toad Hall to reclaim his property. However, the interlopers fire at him, and he retreats back to Rat's home. There, Badger and Mole are waiting with Rat. Toad wants to tell everyone about his post-jail adventure, but Badger chastises him for treating his shameful escape from justice like an epic story. The other animals argue over the best plan to break into the hall, but Badger interrupts with inside knowledge: he had once learned from Toad's father about a secret passageway. Badger proposes a plan: they will break into Toad Hall during Chief Weasel's birthday party, during which time the Wild Wood creatures will be taken by surprise. The animals agree. The next day, Mole returns to tell of a reconnaissance mission that he operated on his own. Dressed in Toad's washerwoman clothing, he warned the Wild Wood guards outside Toad Hall that a huge surge of animals would arrive during the birthday party to defend Toad's honor. Rat and Otter are shocked at Mole's folly, but Badger praises him for his ingenuity; Mole's warning will ensure that more of the weasels and stoats will be outside the house, rather than inside. Toad, meanwhile, is jealous that Badger compliments Mole but pays no attention to him. Chapter 12 - "The Return of Ulysses" Later that day, the group collects their weapons and sets out through the tunnels. Once they arrive, they are easily able to surprise and ambush the weasels and stoats in the house. When those Wild Wood guards outside hear the commotion inside, the run away immediately. Thus, the animals have retaken Toad Hall. Excited to be back, Toad plans secretly to compile a story that begins with his jailbreak and ends with this success. When Badger insists Toad throw a party to celebrate his return, Toad sees the perfect opportunity to tell that story. At first, Toad imagines an entire event planned around telling his adventure. On the invitations - which he tries to hide since he knows his friends will find the event too self-involved - he prepares a schedule that mostly offers him occasion to talk and sing. Toad was always mocked gently for parties of this sort in the past. However, the other animals intercept the invitations, and stage an intervention. There, Badger and Rat force Toad to abandon his plan, since such bragging could backfire. Once the party starts, Toad is angry and humiliated, so he delivers the speech he was preparing, but only to himself in his room. He recites it over and over, then bows to make himself look respectable. He then joins the other animals downstairs at the party; they are surprised by his behavior, which is entirely gentlemanly. He sings no songs and delivers no speeches. Instead, he is humble and pleasant, a perfect host. After the party, Badger convinces Toad to reimburse everyone who helped him on his journey from jail. Chapter 11 is entitled "Like Summer Tempests Came His Tears." This is an allusion to the Alfred, Lord Tennyson poem "Home they brought her warrior dead." In the short poem, a warrior's body is brought home to his wife. Though she does not cry during his funeral, she breaks down when her nurse brings her child to her, realizing that her son is now her purpose for living.

