Chapter: Scene 2.

Enter Iohn and Borachio.

  Ioh. It is so, the Count Claudio shal marry the daughter
of Leonato

   Bora. Yea my Lord, but I can crosse it

   Iohn. Any barre, any crosse, any impediment, will be
medicinable to me, I am sicke in displeasure to him, and
whatsoeuer comes athwart his affection, ranges euenly
with mine, how canst thou crosse this marriage?
  Bor. Not honestly my Lord, but so couertly, that no
dishonesty shall appeare in me

   Iohn. Shew me breefely how

   Bor. I thinke I told your Lordship a yeere since, how
much I am in the fauour of Margaret, the waiting gentlewoman
to Hero

   Iohn. I remember

   Bor. I can at any vnseasonable instant of the night,
appoint her to looke out at her Ladies chamber window

   Iohn. What life is in that, to be the death of this marriage?
  Bor. The poyson of that lies in you to temper, goe
you to the Prince your brother, spare not to tell him, that
hee hath wronged his Honor in marrying the renowned
Claudio, whose estimation do you mightily hold vp, to a
contaminated stale, such a one as Hero

   Iohn. What proofe shall I make of that?
  Bor. Proofe enough, to misuse the Prince, to vexe
Claudio, to vndoe Hero, and kill Leonato, looke you for any
other issue?
  Iohn. Onely to despight them, I will endeauour any
thing

   Bor. Goe then, finde me a meete howre, to draw on
Pedro and the Count Claudio alone, tell them that you
know that Hero loues me, intend a kinde of zeale both
to the Prince and Claudio (as in a loue of your brothers
honor who hath made this match) and his friends reputation,
who is thus like to be cosen'd with the semblance
of a maid, that you haue discouer'd thus: they will scarcely
beleeue this without triall: offer them instances which
shall beare no lesse likelihood, than to see mee at her
chamber window, heare me call Margaret, Hero; heare
Margaret terme me Claudio, and bring them to see this
the very night before the intended wedding, for in the
meane time, I will so fashion the matter, that Hero shall
be absent, and there shall appeare such seeming truths of
Heroes disloyaltie, that iealousie shall be cal'd assurance,
and all the preparation ouerthrowne

   Iohn. Grow this to what aduerse issue it can, I will
put it in practise: be cunning in the working this, and
thy fee is a thousand ducates

   Bor. Be thou constant in the accusation, and my cunning
shall not shame me

   Iohn. I will presentlie goe learne their day of marriage.
Enter.

 At the prince's bachelor pad in London, Hal and his buddy, Ned Poins, chill out and shoot the breeze. Prince Hal complains that he's exhausted and Poins teases that he thought guys with royal blood didn't get tired. Hal says that, embarrassingly, he gets tired a lot. Then he asks Poins if he thinks he, Hal, is a chump for craving the taste of "small beer." FYI: "Small beer" is the kind of thing that commoners, not royalty, usually drink. In other words, Hal has developed a taste for his Eastcheap lifestyle and he's worried that he's becoming too much like the commoners. In fact, says Hal, he shouldn't even be hanging out with Poins because he, Hal, is a prince, whereas Poins is a guy who has spent all his cash in the brothels and has fathered a bunch of illegitimate children. Poins plays along and points out that it's most unbecoming for a Prince to even talk of such things, especially when his father, the king, is so sick right now. Hal confesses that he can't reveal to anyone just how sad he is that his father is ill. He would look like a hypocrite if he wept because he's spent so much of his youth rebelling against his dad and thumbing his nose at authority. Still, his "heart bleeds inwardly" for his father. Bardolph and Falstaff's Page enter and the guys immediately fall into a familiar routine of horsing around and volleying insults at each other. Poins, for example, bags on Bardolph's notoriously red face and then accuses him of blushing like a girl. According to Poins, what Bardolph should be doing is chugging beer and sleeping with virgins. The Page joins in on the fun and cracks a joke about Bardolph's red face and Prince Hal notes that Falstaff has definitely rubbed off on the kid because the Page is quite a smart aleck. Hal gives the Page some money as a reward for being so clever with his insults. Poins gives the Page some money too and jokes that he hopes the extra cash will help prevent the young Page from being corrupted . It won't, of course. Bardolph gives Prince Hal a letter. The letter's from Falstaff and it's obnoxious so, the guys take turns passing it around and reading it aloud so they can mock the contents of the letter. Poins bags on the pretentious Falstaff for always referring to himself as a knight and then Hal reads a part of the letter that warns the prince not to hang out with Poins because Poins has been telling everyone that Hal is going to marry his sister. Poins is ticked off - he threatens to dip the letter in wine and then shove it down Falstaff's throat. He never said the prince would marry his sister. Hal says this is all a big waste of time and asks where Falstaff is hanging out that night. When he learns that Falstaff's having dinner at the Boar's Head tavern, with Mistress Quickly and Doll Tearsheet, he decides that he and Poins should pay a surprise visit to Falstaff. Hal gives the Page and Bardolph some money so they'll keep their mouths shut about Hal visiting the tavern - that way, he can spy on Falstaff. Then Hal and Poins crack jokes about Doll Tearsheet, who Hal says, must be "some road." Translation: Doll Tearsheet must be a prostitute. Poins chimes in that Doll Tearsheet is a well-travelled "road" at that. Poins and Hal decide to go to the Boar's Head Tavern and dress up like waiters so they can spy on Falstaff. It'll be tons of fun to see how the old man acts when he doesn't know they're there. Prince Hal says that when he dresses up like a lowly waiter, it will be like Jove transforming himself into a bull.

