Chapter: Mrs. Flint proclaimed her intention of informing Mrs. Sands who was the
father of my children. She likewise proposed to tell her what an artful
devil I was; that I had made a great deal of trouble in her family; that
when Mr. Sands was at the north, she didn't doubt I had followed him in
disguise, and persuaded William to run away. She had some reason to
entertain such an idea; for I had written from the north, from time to
time, and I dated my letters from various places. Many of them fell into
Dr. Flint's hands, as I expected they would; and he must have come to the
conclusion that I travelled about a good deal. He kept a close watch over
my children, thinking they would eventually lead to my detection.

A new and unexpected trial was in store for me. One day, when Mr. Sands and
his wife were walking in the street, they met Benny. The lady took a fancy
to him, and exclaimed, "What a pretty little negro! Whom does he belong
to?"

Benny did not hear the answer; but he came home very indignant with the
stranger lady, because she had called him a negro. A few days afterwards,
Mr. Sands called on my grandmother, and told her he wanted her to take the
children to his house. He said he had informed his wife of his relation to
them, and told her they were motherless; and she wanted to see them.

When he had gone, my grandmother came and asked what I would do. The
question seemed a mockery. What _could_ I do? They were Mr. Sands's slaves,
and their mother was a slave, whom he had represented to be dead. Perhaps
he thought I was. I was too much pained and puzzled to come to any
decision; and the children were carried without my knowledge. Mrs. Sands
had a sister from Illinois staying with her. This lady, who had no children
of her own, was so much pleased with Ellen, that she offered to adopt her,
and bring her up as she would a daughter. Mrs. Sands wanted to take
Benjamin. When grandmother reported this to me, I was tried almost beyond
endurance. Was this all I was to gain by what I had suffered for the sake
of having my children free? True, the prospect _seemed_ fair; but I knew
too well how lightly slaveholders held such "parental relations." If
pecuniary troubles should come, or if the new wife required more money than
could conveniently be spared, my children might be thought of as a
convenient means of raising funds. I had no trust in thee, O Slavery! Never
should I know peace till my children were emancipated with all due
formalities of law.

I was too proud to ask Mr. Sands to do any thing for my own benefit; but I
could bring myself to become a supplicant for my children. I resolved to
remind him of the promise he had made me, and to throw myself upon his
honor for the performance of it. I persuaded my grandmother to go to him,
and tell him I was not dead, and that I earnestly entreated him to keep the
promise he had made me; that I had heard of the recent proposals concerning
my children, and did not feel easy to accept them; that he had promised to
emancipate them, and it was time for him to redeem his pledge. I knew there
was some risk in thus betraying that I was in the vicinity; but what will
not a mother do for her children? He received the message with surprise,
and said, "The children are free. I have never intended to claim them as
slaves. Linda may decide their fate. In my opinion, they had better be sent
to the north. I don't think they are quite safe here. Dr. Flint boasts that
they are still in his power. He says they were his daughter's property, and
as she was not of age when they were sold, the contract is not legally
binding."

So, then, after all I had endured for their sakes, my poor children were
between two fires; between my old master and their new master! And I was
powerless. There was no protecting arm of the law for me to invoke. Mr.
Sands proposed that Ellen should go, for the present, to some of his
relatives, who had removed to Brooklyn, Long Island. It was promised that
she should be well taken care of, and sent to school. I consented to it, as
the best arrangement I could make for her. My grandmother, of course,
negotiated it all; and Mrs. Sands knew of no other person in the
transaction. She proposed that they should take Ellen with them to
Washington, and keep her till they had a good chance of sending her, with
friends, to Brooklyn. She had an infant daughter. I had had a glimpse of
it, as the nurse passed with it in her arms. It was not a pleasant thought
to me, that the bondwoman's child should tend her free-born sister; but
there was no alternative. Ellen was made ready for the journey. O, how it
tried my heart to send her away, so young, alone, among strangers! Without
a mother's love to shelter her from the storms of life; almost without
memory of a mother! I doubted whether she and Benny would have for me the
natural affection that children feel for a parent. I thought to myself that
I might perhaps never see my daughter again, and I had a great desire that
she should look upon me, before she went, that she might take my image with
her in her memory. It seemed to me cruel to have her brought to my dungeon.
It was sorrow enough for her young heart to know that her mother was a
victim of slavery, without seeing the wretched hiding-place to which it had
driven her. I begged permission to pass the last night in one of the open
chambers, with my little girl. They thought I was crazy to think of
trusting such a young child with my perilous secret. I told them I had
watched her character, and I felt sure she would not betray me; that I was
determined to have an interview, and if they would not facilitate it, I
would take my own way to obtain it. They remonstrated against the rashness
of such a proceeding; but finding they could not change my purpose, they
yielded. I slipped through the trap-door into the storeroom, and my uncle
kept watch at the gate, while I passed into the piazza and went up stairs,
to the room I used to occupy. It was more than five years since I had seen
it; and how the memories crowded on me! There I had taken shelter when my
mistress drove me from her house; there came my old tyrant, to mock,
insult, and curse me; there my children were first laid in my arms; there I
had watched over them, each day with a deeper and sadder love; there I had
knelt to God, in anguish of heart, to forgive the wrong I had done. How
vividly it all came back! And after this long, gloomy interval, I stood
there such a wreck!

In the midst of these meditations, I heard footsteps on the stairs. The
door opened, and my uncle Phillip came in, leading Ellen by the hand. I put
my arms round her, and said, "Ellen, my dear child, I am your mother." She
drew back a little, and looked at me; then, with sweet confidence, she laid
her cheek against mine, and I folded her to the heart that had been so long
desolated. She was the first to speak. Raising her head, she said,
inquiringly, "You really _are_ my mother?" I told her I really was; that
during all the long time she had not seen me, I had loved her most
tenderly; and that now she was going away, I wanted to see her and talk
with her, that she might remember me. With a sob in her voice, she said,
"I'm glad you've come to see me; but why didn't you ever come before? Benny
and I have wanted so much to see you! He remembers you, and sometimes he
tells me about you. Why didn't you come home when Dr. Flint went to bring
you?"

I answered, "I couldn't come before, dear. But now that I am with you, tell
me whether you like to go away." "I don't know," said she, crying.
"Grandmother says I ought not to cry; that I am going to a good place,
where I can learn to read and write, and that by and by I can write her a
letter. But I shan't have Benny, or grandmother, or uncle Phillip, or any
body to love me. Can't you go with me? O, _do_ go, dear mother!"

I told her I couldn't go now; but sometime I would come to her, and then
she and Benny and I would live together, and have happy times. She wanted
to run and bring Benny to see me now. I told her he was going to the north,
before long, with uncle Phillip, and then I would come to see him before he
went away. I asked if she would like to have me stay all night and sleep
with her. "O, yes," she replied. Then, turning to her uncle, she said,
pleadingly, "_May_ I stay? Please, uncle! She is my own mother." He laid
his hand on her head, and said, solemnly, "Ellen, this is the secret you
have promised grandmother never to tell. If you ever speak of it to any
body, they will never let you see your grandmother again, and your mother
can never come to Brooklyn." "Uncle," she replied, "I will never tell." He
told her she might stay with me; and when he had gone, I took her in my
arms and told her I was a slave, and that was the reason she must never say
she had seen me. I exhorted her to be a good child, to try to please the
people where she was going, and that God would raise her up friends. I told
her to say her prayers, and remember always to pray for her poor mother,
and that God would permit us to meet again. She wept, and I did not check
her tears. Perhaps she would never again have a chance to pour her tears
into a mother's bosom. All night she nestled in my arms, and I had no
inclination to slumber. The moments were too precious to lose any of them.
Once, when I thought she was asleep, I kissed her forehead softly, and she
said, "I am not asleep, dear mother."

Before dawn they came to take me back to my den. I drew aside the window
curtain, to take a last look of my child. The moonlight shone on her face,
and I bent over her, as I had done years before, that wretched night when I
ran away. I hugged her close to my throbbing heart; and tears, too sad for
such young eyes to shed, flowed down her cheeks, as she gave her last kiss,
and whispered in my ear, "Mother, I will never tell." And she never did.

When I got back to my den, I threw myself on the bed and wept there alone
in the darkness. It seemed as if my heart would burst. When the time for
Ellen's departure drew nigh, I could hear neighbors and friends saying to
her, "Good by, Ellen. I hope your poor mother will find you out. _Won't_
you be glad to see her!" She replied, "Yes, ma'am;" and they little dreamed
of the weighty secret that weighed down her young heart. She was an
affectionate child, but naturally very reserved, except with those she
loved, and I felt secure that my secret would be safe with her. I heard the
gate close after her, with such feelings as only a slave mother can
experience. During the day my meditations were very sad. Sometimes I feared
I had been very selfish not to give up all claim to her, and let her go to
Illinois, to be adopted by Mrs. Sands's sister. It was my experience of
slavery that decided me against it. I feared that circumstances might arise
that would cause her to be sent back. I felt confident that I should go to
New York myself; and then I should be able to watch over her, and in some
degree protect her.

Dr. Flint's family knew nothing of the proposed arrangement till after
Ellen was gone, and the news displeased them greatly. Mrs. Flint called on
Mrs. Sands's sister to inquire into the matter. She expressed her opinion
very freely as to the respect Mr. Sands showed for his wife, and for his
own character, in acknowledging those "young niggers." And as for sending
Ellen away, she pronounced it to be just as much stealing as it would be
for him to come and take a piece of furniture out of her parlor. She said
her daughter was not of age to sign the bill of sale, and the children were
her property; and when she became of age, or was married, she could take
them, wherever she could lay hands on them.

Miss Emily Flint, the little girl to whom I had been bequeathed, was now in
her sixteenth year. Her mother considered it all right and honorable for
her, or her future husband, to steal my children; but she did not
understand how any body could hold up their heads in respectable society,
after they had purchased their own children, as Mr. Sands had done. Dr.
Flint said very little. Perhaps he thought that Benny would be less likely
to be sent away if he kept quiet. One of my letters, that fell into his
hands, was dated from Canada; and he seldom spoke of me now. This state of
things enabled me to slip down into the storeroom more frequently, where I
could stand upright, and move my limbs more freely.

Days, weeks, and months passed, and there came no news of Ellen. I sent a
letter to Brooklyn, written in my grandmother's name, to inquire whether
she had arrived there. Answer was returned that she had not. I wrote to her
in Washington; but no notice was taken of it. There was one person there,
who ought to have had some sympathy with the anxiety of the child's friends
at home; but the links of such relations as he had formed with me, are
easily broken and cast away as rubbish. Yet how protectingly and
persuasively he once talked to the poor, helpless slave girl! And how
entirely I trusted him! But now suspicions darkened my mind. Was my child
dead, or had they deceived me, and sold her?

If the secret memoirs of many members of Congress should be published,
curious details would be unfolded. I once saw a letter from a member of
Congress to a slave, who was the mother of six of his children. He wrote to
request that she would send her children away from the great house before
his return, as he expected to be accompanied by friends. The woman could
not read, and was obliged to employ another to read the letter. The
existence of the colored children did not trouble this gentleman, it was
only the fear that friends might recognize in their features a resemblance
to him.

At the end of six months, a letter came to my grandmother, from Brooklyn.
It was written by a young lady in the family, and announced that Ellen had
just arrived. It contained the following message from her: "I do try to do
just as you told me to, and I pray for you every night and morning." I
understood that these words were meant for me; and they were a balsam to my
heart. The writer closed her letter by saying, "Ellen is a nice little
girl, and we shall like to have her with us. My cousin, Mr. Sands, has
given her to me, to be my little waiting maid. I shall send her to school,
and I hope some day she will write to you herself." This letter perplexed
and troubled me. Had my child's father merely placed her there till she was
old enough to support herself? Or had he given her to his cousin, as a
piece of property? If the last idea was correct, his cousin might return to
the south at any time, and hold Ellen as a slave. I tried to put away from
me the painful thought that such a foul wrong could have been done to us. I
said to myself, "Surely there must be _some_ justice in man;" then I
remembered, with a sigh, how slavery perverted all the natural feelings of
the human heart. It gave me a pang to look on my light-hearted boy. He
believed himself free; and to have him brought under the yoke of slavery,
would be more than I could bear. How I longed to have him safely out of the
reach of its power!

 This chapter has a bunch of confusing business about Linda's children. It begins with Mrs. Flint threatening Linda that she's going to tell Mrs. Sands that Benny and Ellen are Mr. Sands's children. Before she can, Mr. Sands tells his wife that the two children are his, with the vague phrase "his relation to them" . It's not clear, but it sounds like he actually told her that he'd fathered them, which is super surprising for the time. Mrs. Sands decides that she wants to take Benny, and give Ellen to her sister. Even though both Mrs. Sands and her sister seem nice, Linda is just so tired of her children being enslaved. So, she sends Aunt Martha to Mr. Sands, asking him to free the children. Mr. Sands says that, as far as he's concerned, they are free. But he agrees that they probably shouldn't hang around Edenton, because Dr. Flint still claims they belong to him. So Ellen goes to live with some of Mr. Sands's relatives in Brooklyn, where she'll go to school . Benny's going North with Uncle Phillip. The Flints are super mad when they find out about these arrangements. It sounds like Mr. Sands has actually 'fessed up to his wife, because Mrs. Flint is outraged that he's actually acknowledged them. So, that's shameful. But it's apparently not shameful that Mrs. Flint is encouraging her daughter--who is technically Linda's mistress--to "steal" back Linda's children, since Dr. Flint allegedly had no right to sell them. Yeah, seriously messed up. Anyway, Ellen is off. Linda doesn't hear from her for a while, but eventually she gets word that the little girl had landed safely in Brooklyn.

