Chapter: ACT III. SCENE I.
The wood. TITANIA lying asleep

Enter QUINCE, SNUG, BOTTOM, FLUTE, SNOUT, and STARVELING

  BOTTOM. Are we all met?
  QUINCE. Pat, pat; and here's a marvellous convenient place for
our
    rehearsal. This green plot shall be our stage, this hawthorn
    brake our tiring-house; and we will do it in action, as we
will
    do it before the Duke.
  BOTTOM. Peter Quince!
  QUINCE. What sayest thou, bully Bottom?
  BOTTOM. There are things in this comedy of Pyramus and Thisby
that
    will never please. First, Pyramus must draw a sword to kill
    himself; which the ladies cannot abide. How answer you that?
  SNOUT. By'r lakin, a parlous fear.
  STARVELING. I believe we must leave the killing out, when all
is
    done.
  BOTTOM. Not a whit; I have a device to make all well. Write me
a
    prologue; and let the prologue seem to say we will do no harm
    with our swords, and that Pyramus is not kill'd indeed; and
for
    the more better assurance, tell them that I Pyramus am not
    Pyramus but Bottom the weaver. This will put them out of
fear.
  QUINCE. Well, we will have such a prologue; and it shall be
written
    in eight and six.
  BOTTOM. No, make it two more; let it be written in eight and
eight.
  SNOUT. Will not the ladies be afeard of the lion?
  STARVELING. I fear it, I promise you.
  BOTTOM. Masters, you ought to consider with yourself to bring
in-
    God shield us!- a lion among ladies is a most dreadful thing;
for
    there is not a more fearful wild-fowl than your lion living;
and
    we ought to look to't.
  SNOUT. Therefore another prologue must tell he is not a lion.
  BOTTOM. Nay, you must name his name, and half his face must be
seen
    through the lion's neck; and he himself must speak through,
    saying thus, or to the same effect: 'Ladies,' or 'Fair
ladies, I
    would wish you' or 'I would request you' or 'I would entreat
you
    not to fear, not to tremble. My life for yours! If you think
I
    come hither as a lion, it were pity of my life. No, I am no
such
    thing; I am a man as other men are.' And there, indeed, let
him
    name his name, and tell them plainly he is Snug the joiner.
  QUINCE. Well, it shall be so. But there is two hard things-
that
    is, to bring the moonlight into a chamber; for, you know,
Pyramus
    and Thisby meet by moonlight.
  SNOUT. Doth the moon shine that night we play our play?
  BOTTOM. A calendar, a calendar! Look in the almanack; find out
    moonshine, find out moonshine.
  QUINCE. Yes, it doth shine that night.
  BOTTOM. Why, then may you leave a casement of the great chamber
    window, where we play, open; and the moon may shine in at the
    casement.
  QUINCE. Ay; or else one must come in with a bush of thorns and
a
    lantern, and say he comes to disfigure or to present the
person
    of Moonshine. Then there is another thing: we must have a
wall in
    the great chamber; for Pyramus and Thisby, says the story,
did
    talk through the chink of a wall.
  SNOUT. You can never bring in a wall. What say you, Bottom?
  BOTTOM. Some man or other must present Wall; and let him have
some
    plaster, or some loam, or some rough-cast about him, to
signify
    wall; and let him hold his fingers thus, and through that
cranny
    shall Pyramus and Thisby whisper.
  QUINCE. If that may be, then all is well. Come, sit down, every
    mother's son, and rehearse your parts. Pyramus, you begin;
when
    you have spoken your speech, enter into that brake; and so
every
    one according to his cue.

                          Enter PUCK behind

  PUCK. What hempen homespuns have we swagg'ring here,
    So near the cradle of the Fairy Queen?
    What, a play toward! I'll be an auditor;
    An actor too perhaps, if I see cause.
  QUINCE. Speak, Pyramus. Thisby, stand forth.
  BOTTOM. Thisby, the flowers of odious savours sweet-
  QUINCE. 'Odious'- odorous!
  BOTTOM. -odours savours sweet;
    So hath thy breath, my dearest Thisby dear.
    But hark, a voice! Stay thou but here awhile,
    And by and by I will to thee appear.                    Exit
  PUCK. A stranger Pyramus than e'er played here!           Exit
  FLUTE. Must I speak now?
  QUINCE. Ay, marry, must you; for you must understand he goes
but to
    see a noise that he heard, and is to come again.
  FLUTE. Most radiant Pyramus, most lily-white of hue,
    Of colour like the red rose on triumphant brier,
    Most brisky juvenal, and eke most lovely Jew,
    As true as truest horse, that would never tire,
    I'll meet thee, Pyramus, at Ninny's tomb.
  QUINCE. 'Ninus' tomb,' man! Why, you must not speak that yet;
that
    you answer to Pyramus. You speak all your part at once, cues,
and
    all. Pyramus enter: your cue is past; it is 'never tire.'
  FLUTE. O- As true as truest horse, that yet would never tire.

            Re-enter PUCK, and BOTTOM with an ass's head

  BOTTOM. If I were fair, Thisby, I were only thine.
  QUINCE. O monstrous! O strange! We are haunted. Pray, masters!
fly,
    masters! Help!
                                  Exeunt all but BOTTOM and PUCK
  PUCK. I'll follow you; I'll lead you about a round,
    Through bog, through bush, through brake, through brier;
    Sometime a horse I'll be, sometime a hound,
    A hog, a headless bear, sometime a fire;
    And neigh, and bark, and grunt, and roar, and burn,
    Like horse, hound, hog, bear, fire, at every turn.
Exit
  BOTTOM. Why do they run away? This is a knavery of them to make
me
    afeard.

                          Re-enter SNOUT

  SNOUT. O Bottom, thou art chang'd! What do I see on thee?
  BOTTOM. What do you see? You see an ass-head of your own, do
you?
                                                      Exit SNOUT

                          Re-enter QUINCE

  QUINCE. Bless thee, Bottom, bless thee! Thou art translated.
 Exit
  BOTTOM. I see their knavery: this is to make an ass of me; to
    fright me, if they could. But I will not stir from this
place, do
    what they can; I will walk up and down here, and will sing,
that
    they shall hear I am not afraid.                     [Sings]

          The ousel cock, so black of hue,
            With orange-tawny bill,
          The throstle with his note so true,
            The wren with little quill.

  TITANIA. What angel wakes me from my flow'ry bed?
  BOTTOM. [Sings]
          The finch, the sparrow, and the lark,
            The plain-song cuckoo grey,
          Whose note full many a man doth mark,
            And dares not answer nay-
    for, indeed, who would set his wit to so foolish a bird?
    Who would give a bird the lie, though he cry 'cuckoo' never
so?
  TITANIA. I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again.
    Mine ear is much enamoured of thy note;
    So is mine eye enthralled to thy shape;
    And thy fair virtue's force perforce doth move me,
    On the first view, to say, to swear, I love thee.
  BOTTOM. Methinks, mistress, you should have little reason for
that.
    And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little
company
    together now-a-days. The more the pity that some honest
    neighbours will not make them friends. Nay, I can gleek upon
    occasion.
  TITANIA. Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful.
  BOTTOM. Not so, neither; but if I had wit enough to get out of
this
    wood, I have enough to serve mine own turn.
  TITANIA. Out of this wood do not desire to go;
    Thou shalt remain here whether thou wilt or no.
    I am a spirit of no common rate;
    The summer still doth tend upon my state;
    And I do love thee; therefore, go with me.
    I'll give thee fairies to attend on thee;
    And they shall fetch thee jewels from the deep,
    And sing, while thou on pressed flowers dost sleep;
    And I will purge thy mortal grossness so
    That thou shalt like an airy spirit go.
    Peaseblossom! Cobweb! Moth! and Mustardseed!

       Enter PEASEBLOSSOM, COBWEB, MOTH, and MUSTARDSEED

  PEASEBLOSSOM. Ready.
  COBWEB. And I.
  MOTH. And I.
  MUSTARDSEED. And I.
  ALL. Where shall we go?
  TITANIA. Be kind and courteous to this gentleman;
    Hop in his walks and gambol in his eyes;
    Feed him with apricocks and dewberries,
    With purple grapes, green figs, and mulberries;
    The honey bags steal from the humble-bees,
    And for night-tapers crop their waxen thighs,
    And light them at the fiery glow-worm's eyes,
    To have my love to bed and to arise;
    And pluck the wings from painted butterflies,
    To fan the moonbeams from his sleeping eyes.
    Nod to him, elves, and do him courtesies.
  PEASEBLOSSOM. Hail, mortal!
  COBWEB. Hail!
  MOTH. Hail!
  MUSTARDSEED. Hail!
  BOTTOM. I cry your worships mercy, heartily; I beseech your
    worship's name.
  COBWEB. Cobweb.
  BOTTOM. I shall desire you of more acquaintance, good Master
    Cobweb. If I cut my finger, I shall make bold with you. Your
    name, honest gentleman?
  PEASEBLOSSOM. Peaseblossom.
  BOTTOM. I pray you, commend me to Mistress Squash, your mother,
and
    to Master Peascod, your father. Good Master Peaseblossom, I
shall
    desire you of more acquaintance too. Your name, I beseech
you,
    sir?
  MUSTARDSEED. Mustardseed.
  BOTTOM. Good Master Mustardseed, I know your patience well.
That
    same cowardly giant-like ox-beef hath devour'd many a
gentleman
    of your house. I promise you your kindred hath made my eyes
water
    ere now. I desire you of more acquaintance, good Master
    Mustardseed.
  TITANIA. Come, wait upon him; lead him to my bower.
    The moon, methinks, looks with a wat'ry eye;
    And when she weeps, weeps every little flower;
    Lamenting some enforced chastity.
    Tie up my love's tongue, bring him silently.          Exeunt

 As Titania sleeps on a cushy bed of flowers, the Mechanicals enter the woods to practice their play, Pyramus and Thisbe. Bottom points out that the play has a lot of content that isn't appropriate for Theseus and his bride, like the part where Pyramus draws his sword and kills himself. Starveling suggests they just leave the killing out . Bottom comes up with a marvelous solution. Quince should write a prologue to let all the delicate ladies know that the action isn't real and the characters are only actors. If the women know Pyramus isn't Pyramus, but really only Bottom the weaver, they'll be comforted. Then the Mechanicals quibble over whether the play's lines should be written in the usual style of verse, a line of eight syllables alternating with six. Bottom suggests they write it in the style of eight and eight. Snout then brings up another question: Will the lion in the play frighten the ladies? Starveling admits the lion frightens him. Bottom adds his two cents, saying the group should think twice before bringing a lion in among ladies. Brain Snack: According to the editors of the Norton Shakespeare, this might be an allusion to something that happened at a real-life court entertainment in 1594, when a tame lion was supposed to pull a chariot across the stage. The lion was replaced by an African man so the audience wouldn't be scared. To remedy the situation, Bottom suggests that the actor playing the lion should show his face through his costume. Also, Snug, in the Lion's costume, should tell the ladies that he's not really a lion. With that settled, Quince brings up two more issues. They need moonlight, because Pyramus and Thisbe meet by moonlight. Quince suggests that maybe they could have the guy playing the moon carry a lantern, and be dressed up as the man in the moon, who usually has a dog with him in folklore. The last problem is that they'll need a wall, because, without one, there's no hole in the wall through which Pyramus and Thisbe can talk, which is also a major part of the story. The group decides to have a man dress up as a plastered wall. Also, the guy playing the "part" of the wall should use his fingers to make an O-shaped hole so Pyramus and Thisbe can whisper to each other through it. With all the important casting and staging stuff out of the way, the Mechanicals begin to rehearse. Puck sneaks up to the scene, delighted to have so many fools around. He decides to watch and participate. The men begin to rehearse the play with lots of misspeaking. Flute, as Thisbe, says all his lines at once, instead of waiting for cues. Just as the Mechanicals are clearing up that issue, Bottom comes back onto stage. He now has a donkey's head where his own should be, thanks to one of Puck's tricks. As you might expect, this donkey-Bottom hybrid is frightening. All the other men run away in a panic. Puck follows them, leading the Mechanicals in circles about the dark woods and chasing them in the guise of scary things: a headless bear, hounds, and flames. Snout informs Bottom that he has been transformed. Bottom doesn't believe it and calls Snout an "ass-head." Quince comes back, also claiming Bottom has changed. Bottom then announces that he sees that they're just trying to make "an ass" of him. Yep. This is a case of dramatic irony all right. Go to "Symbolism, Imagery, Allegory" if you want to know more about it. Bottom insists he won't move from this place, and will even sing a song to prove he isn't scared. Bottom's singing wakes Titania . Titania sees Bottom and instantly falls head over heels in love...with an ass. Titania begs Bottom to sing some more. Bottom, a little taken aback, tells her she has no reason to love him. He does add that reason and love aren't related these days. He philosophizes on this for a bit, and Titania praises him for being both wise and beautiful. Bottom says he isn't wise, but only needs enough wit to get out of these woods. Titania informs Bottom that he'll stay whether he wants to or not. She loves him and he will remain with her. Titania promises to have her fairies tend to him - they'll bring him jewels from the deep sea, he'll sleep on flower petals, and she'll rid him of his "mortal grossness" so that he'll be as airy as the fairy spirits. Titania summons her fairies: Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Moth, and Mustardseed. She charges them to tend to her new lover with all the best nature has to offer. The fairies bring in grapes, figs, mulberries, bee's honey, and glowworms to light her bedchamber. In addition, the fairies should fan the moonbeams away from Bottom with the wings plucked off of butterflies. Bottom then does what Bottom does best--he rambles on and cracks a bunch of lame jokes. Titania orders the fairies to bring Bottom to her sleeping space, and to keep him quiet as they do. She also comments that the moon looks sad, likely because someone is being denied love .

