Chapter: I

THE Zenith Street Traction Company planned to build car-repair shops in
the suburb of Dorchester, but when they came to buy the land they
found it held, on options, by the Babbitt-Thompson Realty Company. The
purchasing-agent, the first vice-president, and even the president of
the Traction Company protested against the Babbitt price. They mentioned
their duty toward stockholders, they threatened an appeal to the courts,
though somehow the appeal to the courts was never carried out and the
officials found it wiser to compromise with Babbitt. Carbon copies of
the correspondence are in the company's files, where they may be viewed
by any public commission.

Just after this Babbitt deposited three thousand dollars in the bank,
the purchasing-agent of the Street Traction Company bought a five
thousand dollar car, the first vice-president built a home in Devon
Woods, and the president was appointed minister to a foreign country.

To obtain the options, to tie up one man's land without letting his
neighbor know, had been an unusual strain on Babbitt. It was necessary
to introduce rumors about planning garages and stores, to pretend
that he wasn't taking any more options, to wait and look as bored as a
poker-player at a time when the failure to secure a key-lot threatened
his whole plan. To all this was added a nerve-jabbing quarrel with his
secret associates in the deal. They did not wish Babbitt and Thompson
to have any share in the deal except as brokers. Babbitt rather
agreed. "Ethics of the business-broker ought to strictly represent his
principles and not get in on the buying," he said to Thompson.

"Ethics, rats! Think I'm going to see that bunch of holy grafters get
away with the swag and us not climb in?" snorted old Henry.

"Well, I don't like to do it. Kind of double-crossing."

"It ain't. It's triple-crossing. It's the public that gets
double-crossed. Well, now we've been ethical and got it out of our
systems, the question is where we can raise a loan to handle some of
the property for ourselves, on the Q. T. We can't go to our bank for it.
Might come out."

"I could see old Eathorne. He's close as the tomb."

"That's the stuff."

Eathorne was glad, he said, to "invest in character," to make Babbitt
the loan and see to it that the loan did not appear on the books of the
bank. Thus certain of the options which Babbitt and Thompson obtained
were on parcels of real estate which they themselves owned, though the
property did not appear in their names.

In the midst of closing this splendid deal, which stimulated business
and public confidence by giving an example of increased real-estate
activity, Babbitt was overwhelmed to find that he had a dishonest person
working for him.

The dishonest one was Stanley Graff, the outside salesman.

For some time Babbitt had been worried about Graff. He did not keep his
word to tenants. In order to rent a house he would promise repairs
which the owner had not authorized. It was suspected that he juggled
inventories of furnished houses so that when the tenant left he had
to pay for articles which had never been in the house and the price
of which Graff put into his pocket. Babbitt had not been able to prove
these suspicions, and though he had rather planned to discharge Graff he
had never quite found time for it.

Now into Babbitt's private room charged a red-faced man, panting, "Look
here! I've come to raise particular merry hell, and unless you have that
fellow pinched, I will!" "What's--Calm down, o' man. What's trouble?"

"Trouble! Huh! Here's the trouble--"

"Sit down and take it easy! They can hear you all over the building!"

"This fellow Graff you got working for you, he leases me a house. I
was in yesterday and signs the lease, all O.K., and he was to get the
owner's signature and mail me the lease last night. Well, and he did.
This morning I comes down to breakfast and the girl says a fellow had
come to the house right after the early delivery and told her he wanted
an envelope that had been mailed by mistake, big long envelope with
'Babbitt-Thompson' in the corner of it. Sure enough, there it was, so
she lets him have it. And she describes the fellow to me, and it was
this Graff. So I 'phones to him and he, the poor fool, he admits it! He
says after my lease was all signed he got a better offer from another
fellow and he wanted my lease back. Now what you going to do about it?"

"Your name is--?"

"William Varney--W. K. Varney."

"Oh, yes. That was the Garrison house." Babbitt sounded the buzzer. When
Miss McGoun came in, he demanded, "Graff gone out?"

"Yes, sir."

"Will you look through his desk and see if there is a lease made out to
Mr. Varney on the Garrison house?" To Varney: "Can't tell you how sorry
I am this happened. Needless to say, I'll fire Graff the minute he comes
in. And of course your lease stands. But there's one other thing I'd
like to do. I'll tell the owner not to pay us the commission but apply
it to your rent. No! Straight! I want to. To be frank, this thing shakes
me up bad. I suppose I've always been a Practical Business Man. Probably
I've told one or two fairy stories in my time, when the occasion called
for it--you know: sometimes you have to lay things on thick, to impress
boneheads. But this is the first time I've ever had to accuse one of
my own employees of anything more dishonest than pinching a few stamps.
Honest, it would hurt me if we profited by it. So you'll let me hand you
the commission? Good!"


II

He walked through the February city, where trucks flung up a spattering
of slush and the sky was dark above dark brick cornices. He came back
miserable. He, who respected the law, had broken it by concealing the
Federal crime of interception of the mails. But he could not see Graff
go to jail and his wife suffer. Worse, he had to discharge Graff and
this was a part of office routine which he feared. He liked people
so much, he so much wanted them to like him that he could not bear
insulting them.

Miss McGoun dashed in to whisper, with the excitement of an approaching
scene, "He's here!"

"Mr. Graff? Ask him to come in."

He tried to make himself heavy and calm in his chair, and to keep his
eyes expressionless. Graff stalked in--a man of thirty-five, dapper,
eye-glassed, with a foppish mustache.

"Want me?" said Graff.

"Yes. Sit down."

Graff continued to stand, grunting, "I suppose that old nut Varney has
been in to see you. Let me explain about him. He's a regular tightwad,
and he sticks out for every cent, and he practically lied to me about
his ability to pay the rent--I found that out just after we signed up.
And then another fellow comes along with a better offer for the house,
and I felt it was my duty to the firm to get rid of Varney, and I was
so worried about it I skun up there and got back the lease. Honest, Mr.
Babbitt, I didn't intend to pull anything crooked. I just wanted the
firm to have all the commis--"

"Wait now, Stan. This may all be true, but I've been having a lot of
complaints about you. Now I don't s'pose you ever mean to do wrong,
and I think if you just get a good lesson that'll jog you up a little,
you'll turn out a first-class realtor yet. But I don't see how I can
keep you on."

Graff leaned against the filing-cabinet, his hands in his pockets, and
laughed. "So I'm fired! Well, old Vision and Ethics, I'm tickled
to death! But I don't want you to think you can get away with any
holier-than-thou stuff. Sure I've pulled some raw stuff--a little of
it--but how could I help it, in this office?"

"Now, by God, young man--"

"Tut, tut! Keep the naughty temper down, and don't holler, because
everybody in the outside office will hear you. They're probably
listening right now. Babbitt, old dear, you're crooked in the first
place and a damn skinflint in the second. If you paid me a decent salary
I wouldn't have to steal pennies off a blind man to keep my wife from
starving. Us married just five months, and her the nicest girl living,
and you keeping us flat broke all the time, you damned old thief, so you
can put money away for your saphead of a son and your wishywashy fool
of a daughter! Wait, now! You'll by God take it, or I'll bellow so the
whole office will hear it! And crooked--Say, if I told the prosecuting
attorney what I know about this last Street Traction option steal, both
you and me would go to jail, along with some nice, clean, pious, high-up
traction guns!"

"Well, Stan, looks like we were coming down to cases. That deal--There
was nothing crooked about it. The only way you can get progress is for
the broad-gauged men to get things done; and they got to be rewarded--"

"Oh, for Pete's sake, don't get virtuous on me! As I gather it, I'm
fired. All right. It's a good thing for me. And if I catch you knocking
me to any other firm, I'll squeal all I know about you and Henry T. and
the dirty little lickspittle deals that you corporals of industry pull
off for the bigger and brainier crooks, and you'll get chased out of
town. And me--you're right, Babbitt, I've been going crooked, but now
I'm going straight, and the first step will be to get a job in some
office where the boss doesn't talk about Ideals. Bad luck, old dear, and
you can stick your job up the sewer!"

Babbitt sat for a long time, alternately raging, "I'll have him
arrested," and yearning "I wonder--No, I've never done anything that
wasn't necessary to keep the Wheels of Progress moving."

Next day he hired in Graff's place Fritz Weilinger, the salesman of his
most injurious rival, the East Side Homes and Development Company, and
thus at once annoyed his competitor and acquired an excellent man.
Young Fritz was a curly-headed, merry, tennis-playing youngster. He made
customers welcome to the office. Babbitt thought of him as a son, and in
him had much comfort.


III

An abandoned race-track on the outskirts of Chicago, a plot excellent
for factory sites, was to be sold, and Jake Offut asked Babbitt to
bid on it for him. The strain of the Street Traction deal and his
disappointment in Stanley Graff had so shaken Babbitt that he found
it hard to sit at his desk and concentrate. He proposed to his family,
"Look here, folks! Do you know who's going to trot up to Chicago for a
couple of days--just week-end; won't lose but one day of school--know
who's going with that celebrated business-ambassador, George F. Babbitt?
Why, Mr. Theodore Roosevelt Babbitt!"

"Hurray!" Ted shouted, and "Oh, maybe the Babbitt men won't paint that
lil ole town red!"

And, once away from the familiar implications of home, they were two men
together. Ted was young only in his assumption of oldness, and the only
realms, apparently, in which Babbitt had a larger and more grown-up
knowledge than Ted's were the details of real estate and the phrases of
politics. When the other sages of the Pullman smoking-compartment had
left them to themselves, Babbitt's voice did not drop into the playful
and otherwise offensive tone in which one addresses children but
continued its overwhelming and monotonous rumble, and Ted tried to
imitate it in his strident tenor:

"Gee, dad, you certainly did show up that poor boot when he got flip
about the League of Nations!"

"Well, the trouble with a lot of these fellows is, they simply don't
know what they're talking about. They don't get down to facts.... What
do you think of Ken Escott?"

"I'll tell you, dad: it strikes me Ken is a nice lad; no special faults
except he smokes too much; but slow, Lord! Why, if we don't give him
a shove the poor dumb-bell never will propose! And Rone just as bad.
Slow."

"Yes, I guess you're right. They're slow. They haven't either one of 'em
got our pep."

"That's right. They're slow. I swear, dad, I don't know how Rone got
into our family! I'll bet, if the truth were known, you were a bad old
egg when you were a kid!"

"Well, I wasn't so slow!"

"I'll bet you weren't! I'll bet you didn't miss many tricks!"

"Well, when I was out with the girls I didn't spend all the time telling
'em about the strike in the knitting industry!"

They roared together, and together lighted cigars.

"What are we going to do with 'em?" Babbitt consulted.

"Gosh, I don't know. I swear, sometimes I feel like taking Ken aside and
putting him over the jumps and saying to him, 'Young fella me lad, are
you going to marry young Rone, or are you going to talk her to death?
Here you are getting on toward thirty, and you're only making twenty or
twenty-five a week. When you going to develop a sense of responsibility
and get a raise? If there's anything that George F. or I can do to help
you, call on us, but show a little speed, anyway!'"

"Well, at that, it might not be so bad if you or I talked to him, except
he might not understand. He's one of these high brows. He can't come
down to cases and lay his cards on the table and talk straight out from
the shoulder, like you or I can."

"That's right, he's like all these highbrows."

"That's so, like all of 'em."

"That's a fact."

They sighed, and were silent and thoughtful and happy.

The conductor came in. He had once called at Babbitt's office, to ask
about houses. "H' are you, Mr. Babbitt! We going to have you with us to
Chicago? This your boy?"

"Yes, this is my son Ted."

"Well now, what do you know about that! Here I been thinking you were
a youngster yourself, not a day over forty, hardly, and you with this
great big fellow!"

"Forty? Why, brother, I'll never see forty-five again!"

"Is that a fact! Wouldn't hardly 'a' thought it!"

"Yes, sir, it's a bad give-away for the old man when he has to travel
with a young whale like Ted here!"

"You're right, it is." To Ted: "I suppose you're in college now?"

Proudly, "No, not till next fall. I'm just kind of giving the diff'rent
colleges the once-over now."

As the conductor went on his affable way, huge watch-chain jingling
against his blue chest, Babbitt and Ted gravely considered colleges.
They arrived at Chicago late at night; they lay abed in the morning,
rejoicing, "Pretty nice not to have to get up and get down to breakfast,
heh?" They were staying at the modest Eden Hotel, because Zenith
business men always stayed at the Eden, but they had dinner in the
brocade and crystal Versailles Room of the Regency Hotel. Babbitt
ordered Blue Point oysters with cocktail sauce, a tremendous steak with
a tremendous platter of French fried potatoes, two pots of coffee, apple
pie with ice cream for both of them and, for Ted, an extra piece of
mince pie.

"Hot stuff! Some feed, young fella!" Ted admired.

"Huh! You stick around with me, old man, and I'll show you a good time!"

They went to a musical comedy and nudged each other at the matrimonial
jokes and the prohibition jokes; they paraded the lobby, arm in arm,
between acts, and in the glee of his first release from the shame which
dissevers fathers and sons Ted chuckled, "Dad, did you ever hear the one
about the three milliners and the judge?"

When Ted had returned to Zenith, Babbitt was lonely. As he was trying
to make alliance between Offutt and certain Milwaukee interests which
wanted the race-track plot, most of his time was taken up in waiting for
telephone calls.... Sitting on the edge of his bed, holding the portable
telephone, asking wearily, "Mr. Sagen not in yet? Didn' he leave any
message for me? All right, I'll hold the wire." Staring at a stain on
the wall, reflecting that it resembled a shoe, and being bored by this
twentieth discovery that it resembled a shoe. Lighting a cigarette;
then, bound to the telephone with no ashtray in reach, wondering what
to do with this burning menace and anxiously trying to toss it into the
tiled bathroom. At last, on the telephone, "No message, eh? All right,
I'll call up again."

One afternoon he wandered through snow-rutted streets of which he
had never heard, streets of small tenements and two-family houses and
marooned cottages. It came to him that he had nothing to do, that there
was nothing he wanted to do. He was bleakly lonely in the evening, when
he dined by himself at the Regency Hotel. He sat in the lobby afterward,
in a plush chair bedecked with the Saxe-Coburg arms, lighting a cigar
and looking for some one who would come and play with him and save him
from thinking. In the chair next to him (showing the arms of Lithuania)
was a half-familiar man, a large red-faced man with pop eyes and a
deficient yellow mustache. He seemed kind and insignificant, and as
lonely as Babbitt himself. He wore a tweed suit and a reluctant orange
tie.

It came to Babbitt with a pyrotechnic crash. The melancholy stranger was
Sir Gerald Doak.

Instinctively Babbitt rose, bumbling, "How 're you, Sir Gerald? 'Member
we met in Zenith, at Charley McKelvey's? Babbitt's my name--real
estate."

"Oh! How d' you do." Sir Gerald shook hands flabbily.

Embarrassed, standing, wondering how he could retreat, Babbitt
maundered, "Well, I suppose you been having a great trip since we saw
you in Zenith."

"Quite. British Columbia and California and all over the place," he said
doubtfully, looking at Babbitt lifelessly.

"How did you find business conditions in British Columbia? Or I suppose
maybe you didn't look into 'em. Scenery and sport and so on?"

"Scenery? Oh, capital. But business conditions--You know, Mr. Babbitt,
they're having almost as much unemployment as we are." Sir Gerald was
speaking warmly now.

"So? Business conditions not so doggone good, eh?"

"No, business conditions weren't at all what I'd hoped to find them."

"Not good, eh?"

"No, not--not really good."

"That's a darn shame. Well--I suppose you're waiting for somebody to
take you out to some big shindig, Sir Gerald."

"Shindig? Oh. Shindig. No, to tell you the truth, I was wondering what
the deuce I could do this evening. Don't know a soul in Tchicahgo. I
wonder if you happen to know whether there's a good theater in this
city?"

"Good? Why say, they're running grand opera right now! I guess maybe
you'd like that."

"Eh? Eh? Went to the opera once in London. Covent Garden sort of thing.
Shocking! No, I was wondering if there was a good cinema-movie."

Babbitt was sitting down, hitching his chair over, shouting, "Movie?
Say, Sir Gerald, I supposed of course you had a raft of dames waiting to
lead you out to some soiree--"

"God forbid!"

"--but if you haven't, what do you say you and me go to a movie? There's
a peach of a film at the Grantham: Bill Hart in a bandit picture."

"Right-o! Just a moment while I get my coat."

Swollen with greatness, slightly afraid lest the noble blood of
Nottingham change its mind and leave him at any street corner, Babbitt
paraded with Sir Gerald Doak to the movie palace and in silent bliss sat
beside him, trying not to be too enthusiastic, lest the knight despise
his adoration of six-shooters and broncos. At the end Sir Gerald
murmured, "Jolly good picture, this. So awfully decent of you to take
me. Haven't enjoyed myself so much for weeks. All these Hostesses--they
never let you go to the cinema!"

"The devil you say!" Babbitt's speech had lost the delicate refinement
and all the broad A's with which he had adorned it, and become hearty
and natural. "Well, I'm tickled to death you liked it, Sir Gerald."

They crawled past the knees of fat women into the aisle; they stood in
the lobby waving their arms in the rite of putting on overcoats. Babbitt
hinted, "Say, how about a little something to eat? I know a place where
we could get a swell rarebit, and we might dig up a little drink--that
is, if you ever touch the stuff."

"Rather! But why don't you come to my room? I've some Scotch--not half
bad."

"Oh, I don't want to use up all your hootch. It's darn nice of you,
but--You probably want to hit the hay."

Sir Gerald was transformed. He was beefily yearning. "Oh really, now;
I haven't had a decent evening for so long! Having to go to all these
dances. No chance to discuss business and that sort of thing. Do be a
good chap and come along. Won't you?"

"Will I? You bet! I just thought maybe--Say, by golly, it does do a
fellow good, don't it, to sit and visit about business conditions,
after he's been to these balls and masquerades and banquets and all
that society stuff. I often feel that way in Zenith. Sure, you bet I'll
come."

"That's awfully nice of you." They beamed along the street. "Look
here, old chap, can you tell me, do American cities always keep up this
dreadful social pace? All these magnificent parties?"

"Go on now, quit your kidding! Gosh, you with court balls and functions
and everything--"

"No, really, old chap! Mother and I--Lady Doak, I should say, we usually
play a hand of bezique and go to bed at ten. Bless my soul, I couldn't
keep up your beastly pace! And talking! All your American women, they
know so much--culture and that sort of thing. This Mrs. McKelvey--your
friend--"

"Yuh, old Lucile. Good kid."

"--she asked me which of the galleries I liked best in Florence. Or was
it in Firenze? Never been in Italy in my life! And primitives. Did I
like primitives. Do you know what the deuce a primitive is?"

"Me? I should say not! But I know what a discount for cash is."

"Rather! So do I, by George! But primitives!"

"Yuh! Primitives!"

They laughed with the sound of a Boosters' luncheon.

Sir Gerald's room was, except for his ponderous and durable English
bags, very much like the room of George F. Babbitt; and quite in the
manner of Babbitt he disclosed a huge whisky flask, looked proud and
hospitable, and chuckled, "Say, when, old chap."

It was after the third drink that Sir Gerald proclaimed, "How do you
Yankees get the notion that writing chaps like Bertrand Shaw and this
Wells represent us? The real business England, we think those chaps are
traitors. Both our countries have their comic Old Aristocracy--you know,
old county families, hunting people and all that sort of thing--and we
both have our wretched labor leaders, but we both have a backbone of
sound business men who run the whole show."

"You bet. Here's to the real guys!"

"I'm with you! Here's to ourselves!"

It was after the fourth drink that Sir Gerald asked humbly, "What do you
think of North Dakota mortgages?" but it was not till after the fifth
that Babbitt began to call him "Jerry," and Sir Gerald confided, "I
say, do you mind if I pull off my boots?" and ecstatically stretched his
knightly feet, his poor, tired, hot, swollen feet out on the bed.

After the sixth, Babbitt irregularly arose. "Well, I better be hiking
along. Jerry, you're a regular human being! I wish to thunder we'd been
better acquainted in Zenith. Lookit. Can't you come back and stay with
me a while?"

"So sorry--must go to New York to-morrow. Most awfully sorry, old boy.
I haven't enjoyed an evening so much since I've been in the States.
Real talk. Not all this social rot. I'd never have let them give me the
beastly title--and I didn't get it for nothing, eh?--if I'd thought I'd
have to talk to women about primitives and polo! Goodish thing to have
in Nottingham, though; annoyed the mayor most frightfully when I got it;
and of course the missus likes it. But nobody calls me 'Jerry' now--"
He was almost weeping. "--and nobody in the States has treated me like a
friend till to-night! Good-by, old chap, good-by! Thanks awfully!"

"Don't mention it, Jerry. And remember whenever you get to Zenith, the
latch-string is always out."

"And don't forget, old boy, if you ever come to Nottingham, Mother and
I will be frightfully glad to see you. I shall tell the fellows in
Nottingham your ideas about Visions and Real Guys--at our next Rotary
Club luncheon."


IV

Babbitt lay abed at his hotel, imagining the Zenith Athletic Club asking
him, "What kind of a time d'you have in Chicago?" and his answering,
"Oh, fair; ran around with Sir Gerald Doak a lot;" picturing himself
meeting Lucile McKelvey and admonishing her, "You're all right, Mrs.
Mac, when you aren't trying to pull this highbrow pose. It's just as
Gerald Doak says to me in Chicago--oh, yes, Jerry's an old friend of
mine--the wife and I are thinking of running over to England to stay
with Jerry in his castle, next year--and he said to me, 'Georgie, old
bean, I like Lucile first-rate, but you and me, George, we got to make
her get over this highty-tighty hooptediddle way she's got."

But that evening a thing happened which wrecked his pride.


V

At the Regency Hotel cigar-counter he fell to talking with a salesman
of pianos, and they dined together. Babbitt was filled with friendliness
and well-being. He enjoyed the gorgeousness of the dining-room: the
chandeliers, the looped brocade curtains, the portraits of French kings
against panels of gilded oak. He enjoyed the crowd: pretty women, good
solid fellows who were "liberal spenders."

He gasped. He stared, and turned away, and stared again. Three tables
off, with a doubtful sort of woman, a woman at once coy and withered,
was Paul Riesling, and Paul was supposed to be in Akron, selling
tar-roofing. The woman was tapping his hand, mooning at him and
giggling. Babbitt felt that he had encountered something involved
and harmful. Paul was talking with the rapt eagerness of a man who is
telling his troubles. He was concentrated on the woman's faded eyes.
Once he held her hand and once, blind to the other guests, he puckered
his lips as though he was pretending to kiss her. Babbitt had so strong
an impulse to go to Paul that he could feel his body uncoiling, his
shoulders moving, but he felt, desperately, that he must be diplomatic,
and not till he saw Paul paying the check did he bluster to the
piano-salesman, "By golly--friend of mine over there--'scuse me
second--just say hello to him."

He touched Paul's shoulder, and cried, "Well, when did you hit town?"

Paul glared up at him, face hardening. "Oh, hello, George. Thought you'd
gone back to Zenith." He did not introduce his companion. Babbitt peeped
at her. She was a flabbily pretty, weakly flirtatious woman of forty-two
or three, in an atrocious flowery hat. Her rouging was thorough but
unskilful.

"Where you staying, Paulibus?"

The woman turned, yawned, examined her nails. She seemed accustomed to
not being introduced.

Paul grumbled, "Campbell Inn, on the South Side."

"Alone?" It sounded insinuating.

"Yes! Unfortunately!" Furiously Paul turned toward the woman, smiling
with a fondness sickening to Babbitt. "May! Want to introduce you. Mrs.
Arnold, this is my old-acquaintance, George Babbitt."

"Pleasmeech," growled Babbitt, while she gurgled, "Oh, I'm very pleased
to meet any friend of Mr. Riesling's, I'm sure."

Babbitt demanded, "Be back there later this evening, Paul? I'll drop
down and see you."

"No, better--We better lunch together to-morrow."

"All right, but I'll see you to-night, too, Paul. I'll go down to your
hotel, and I'll wait for you!"





I

HE sat smoking with the piano-salesman, clinging to the warm refuge of
gossip, afraid to venture into thoughts of Paul. He was the more affable
on the surface as secretly he became more apprehensive, felt more
hollow. He was certain that Paul was in Chicago without Zilla's
knowledge, and that he was doing things not at all moral and secure.
When the salesman yawned that he had to write up his orders, Babbitt
left him, left the hotel, in leisurely calm. But savagely he said
"Campbell Inn!" to the taxi-driver. He sat agitated on the slippery
leather seat, in that chill dimness which smelled of dust and perfume
and Turkish cigarettes. He did not heed the snowy lake-front, the dark
spaces and sudden bright corners in the unknown land south of the Loop.

The office of the Campbell Inn was hard, bright, new; the night clerk
harder and brighter. "Yep?" he said to Babbitt.

"Mr. Paul Riesling registered here?"

"Yep."

"Is he in now?"

"Nope."

"Then if you'll give me his key, I'll wait for him."

"Can't do that, brother. Wait down here if you wanna."

Babbitt had spoken with the deference which all the Clan of Good Fellows
give to hotel clerks. Now he said with snarling abruptness:

"I may have to wait some time. I'm Riesling's brother-in-law. I'll go up
to his room. D' I look like a sneak-thief?"

His voice was low and not pleasant. With considerable haste the
clerk took down the key, protesting, "I never said you looked like a
sneak-thief. Just rules of the hotel. But if you want to--"

On his way up in the elevator Babbitt wondered why he was here. Why
shouldn't Paul be dining with a respectable married woman? Why had he
lied to the clerk about being Paul's brother-in-law? He had acted like a
child. He must be careful not to say foolish dramatic things to Paul.
As he settled down he tried to look pompous and placid. Then the
thought--Suicide. He'd been dreading that, without knowing it. Paul
would be just the person to do something like that. He must be out of
his head or he wouldn't be confiding in that--that dried-up hag.

Zilla (oh, damn Zilla! how gladly he'd throttle that nagging fiend of a
woman!)--she'd probably succeeded at last, and driven Paul crazy.

Suicide. Out there in the lake, way out, beyond the piled ice along the
shore. It would be ghastly cold to drop into the water to-night.

Or--throat cut--in the bathroom--

Babbitt flung into Paul's bathroom. It was empty. He smiled, feebly.

He pulled at his choking collar, looked at his watch, opened the window
to stare down at the street, looked at his watch, tried to read the
evening paper lying on the glass-topped bureau, looked again at his
watch. Three minutes had gone by since he had first looked at it.

And he waited for three hours.

He was sitting fixed, chilled, when the doorknob turned. Paul came in
glowering.

"Hello," Paul said. "Been waiting?"

"Yuh, little while."

"Well?"

"Well what? Just thought I'd drop in to see how you made out in Akron."

"I did all right. What difference does it make?"

"Why, gosh, Paul, what are you sore about?"

"What are you butting into my affairs for?"

"Why, Paul, that's no way to talk! I'm not butting into nothing. I was
so glad to see your ugly old phiz that I just dropped in to say howdy."

"Well, I'm not going to have anybody following me around and trying to
boss me. I've had all of that I'm going to stand!"

"Well, gosh, I'm not--"

"I didn't like the way you looked at May Arnold, or the snooty way you
talked."

"Well, all right then! If you think I'm a buttinsky, then I'll just butt
in! I don't know who your May Arnold is, but I know doggone good and
well that you and her weren't talking about tar-roofing, no, nor about
playing the violin, neither! If you haven't got any moral consideration
for yourself, you ought to have some for your position in the community.
The idea of your going around places gawping into a female's eyes like
a love-sick pup! I can understand a fellow slipping once, but I don't
propose to see a fellow that's been as chummy with me as you have
getting started on the downward path and sneaking off from his wife,
even as cranky a one as Zilla, to go woman-chasing--"

"Oh, you're a perfectly moral little husband!"

"I am, by God! I've never looked at any woman except Myra since I've
been married--practically--and I never will! I tell you there's nothing
to immorality. It don't pay. Can't you see, old man, it just makes Zilla
still crankier?"

Slight of resolution as he was of body, Paul threw his snow-beaded
overcoat on the floor and crouched on a flimsy cane chair. "Oh, you're
an old blowhard, and you know less about morality than Tinka, but you're
all right, Georgie. But you can't understand that--I'm through. I can't
go Zilla's hammering any longer. She's made up her mind that I'm a
devil, and--Reg'lar Inquisition. Torture. She enjoys it. It's a game to
see how sore she can make me. And me, either it's find a little comfort,
any comfort, anywhere, or else do something a lot worse. Now this Mrs.
Arnold, she's not so young, but she's a fine woman and she understands a
fellow, and she's had her own troubles."

"Yea! I suppose she's one of these hens whose husband 'doesn't
understand her'!"

"I don't know. Maybe. He was killed in the war."

Babbitt lumbered up, stood beside Paul patting his shoulder, making soft
apologetic noises.

"Honest, George, she's a fine woman, and she's had one hell of a time.
We manage to jolly each other up a lot. We tell each other we're the
dandiest pair on earth. Maybe we don't believe it, but it helps a lot
to have somebody with whom you can be perfectly simple, and not all this
discussing--explaining--"

"And that's as far as you go?"

"It is not! Go on! Say it!"

"Well, I don't--I can't say I like it, but--" With a burst which left
him feeling large and shining with generosity, "it's none of my darn
business! I'll do anything I can for you, if there's anything I can do."

"There might be. I judge from Zilla's letters that 've been forwarded
from Akron that she's getting suspicious about my staying away so long.
She'd be perfectly capable of having me shadowed, and of coming to
Chicago and busting into a hotel dining-room and bawling me out before
everybody."

"I'll take care of Zilla. I'll hand her a good fairy-story when I get
back to Zenith."

"I don't know--I don't think you better try it. You're a good fellow,
but I don't know that diplomacy is your strong point." Babbitt looked
hurt, then irritated. "I mean with women! With women, I mean. Course
they got to go some to beat you in business diplomacy, but I just
mean with women. Zilla may do a lot of rough talking, but she's pretty
shrewd. She'd have the story out of you in no time."

"Well, all right, but--" Babbitt was still pathetic at not being allowed
to play Secret Agent. Paul soothed:

"Course maybe you might tell her you'd been in Akron and seen me there."

"Why, sure, you bet! Don't I have to go look at that candy-store
property in Akron? Don't I? Ain't it a shame I have to stop off there
when I'm so anxious to get home? Ain't it a regular shame? I'll say it
is! I'll say it's a doggone shame!"

"Fine. But for glory hallelujah's sake don't go putting any fancy
fixings on the story. When men lie they always try to make it too
artistic, and that's why women get suspicious. And--Let's have a drink,
Georgie. I've got some gin and a little vermouth."

The Paul who normally refused a second cocktail took a second now, and
a third. He became red-eyed and thick-tongued. He was embarrassingly
jocular and salacious.

In the taxicab Babbitt incredulously found tears crowding into his eyes.


II

He had not told Paul of his plan but he did stop at Akron, between
trains, for the one purpose of sending to Zilla a postcard with "Had to
come here for the day, ran into Paul." In Zenith he called on her.
If for public appearances Zilla was over-coiffed, over-painted,
and resolutely corseted, for private misery she wore a filthy blue
dressing-gown and torn stockings thrust into streaky pink satin mules.
Her face was sunken. She seemed to have but half as much hair as Babbitt
remembered, and that half was stringy. She sat in a rocker amid a debris
of candy-boxes and cheap magazines, and she sounded dolorous when she
did not sound derisive. But Babbitt was exceedingly breezy:

"Well, well, Zil, old dear, having a good loaf while hubby's away?
That's the ideal I'll bet a hat Myra never got up till ten, while I was
in Chicago. Say, could I borrow your thermos--just dropped in to see
if I could borrow your thermos bottle. We're going to have a toboggan
party--want to take some coffee mit. Oh, did you get my card from Akron,
saying I'd run into Paul?"

"Yes. What was he doing?"

"How do you mean?" He unbuttoned his overcoat, sat tentatively on the
arm of a chair.

"You know how I mean!" She slapped the pages of a magazine with an
irritable clatter. "I suppose he was trying to make love to some hotel
waitress or manicure girl or somebody."

"Hang it, you're always letting on that Paul goes round chasing skirts.
He doesn't, in the first place, and if he did, it would prob'ly be
because you keep hinting at him and dinging at him so much. I hadn't
meant to, Zilla, but since Paul is away, in Akron--"

"He really is in Akron? I know he has some horrible woman that he writes
to in Chicago."

"Didn't I tell you I saw him in Akron? What 're you trying to do? Make
me out a liar?"

"No, but I just--I get so worried."

"Now, there you are! That's what gets me! Here you love Paul, and yet
you plague him and cuss him out as if you hated him. I simply can't
understand why it is that the more some folks love people, the harder
they try to make 'em miserable."

"You love Ted and Rone--I suppose--and yet you nag them."

"Oh. Well. That. That's different. Besides, I don't nag 'em. Not what
you'd call nagging. But zize saying: Now, here's Paul, the nicest,
most sensitive critter on God's green earth. You ought to be ashamed of
yourself the way you pan him. Why, you talk to him like a washerwoman.
I'm surprised you can act so doggone common, Zilla!"

She brooded over her linked fingers. "Oh, I know. I do go and get
mean sometimes, and I'm sorry afterwards. But, oh, Georgie, Paul is so
aggravating! Honestly, I've tried awfully hard, these last few years, to
be nice to him, but just because I used to be spiteful--or I seemed so;
I wasn't, really, but I used to speak up and say anything that came
into my head--and so he made up his mind that everything was my fault.
Everything can't always be my fault, can it? And now if I get to
fussing, he just turns silent, oh, so dreadfully silent, and he
won't look at me--he just ignores me. He simply isn't human! And he
deliberately keeps it up till I bust out and say a lot of things I don't
mean. So silent--Oh, you righteous men! How wicked you are! How rotten
wicked!"

They thrashed things over and over for half an hour. At the end, weeping
drably, Zilla promised to restrain herself.

Paul returned four days later, and the Babbitts and Rieslings went
festively to the movies and had chop suey at a Chinese restaurant.
As they walked to the restaurant through a street of tailor shops and
barber shops, the two wives in front, chattering about cooks, Babbitt
murmured to Paul, "Zil seems a lot nicer now."

"Yes, she has been, except once or twice. But it's too late now. I
just--I'm not going to discuss it, but I'm afraid of her. There's
nothing left. I don't ever want to see her. Some day I'm going to break
away from her. Somehow."





THE International Organization of Boosters' Clubs has become a
world-force for optimism, manly pleasantry, and good business. Chapters
are to be found now in thirty countries. Nine hundred and twenty of the
thousand chapters, however, are in the United States.

None of these is more ardent than the Zenith Boosters' Club.

The second March lunch of the Zenith Boosters was the most important of
the year, as it was to be followed by the annual election of officers.
There was agitation abroad. The lunch was held in the ballroom of the
O'Hearn House. As each of the four hundred Boosters entered he took from
a wall-board a huge celluloid button announcing his name, his nick name,
and his business. There was a fine of ten cents for calling a Fellow
Booster by anything but his nickname at a lunch, and as Babbitt jovially
checked his hat the air was radiant with shouts of "Hello, Chet!" and
"How're you, Shorty!" and "Top o' the mornin', Mac!"

They sat at friendly tables for eight, choosing places by lot. Babbitt
was with Albert Boos the merchant tailor, Hector Seybolt of the Little
Sweetheart Condensed Milk Company, Emil Wengert the jeweler, Professor
Pumphrey of the Riteway Business College, Dr. Walter Gorbutt, Roy
Teegarten the photographer, and Ben Berkey the photo-engraver. One of
the merits of the Boosters' Club was that only two persons from each
department of business were permitted to join, so that you at
once encountered the Ideals of other occupations, and realized the
metaphysical oneness of all occupations--plumbing and portrait-painting,
medicine and the manufacture of chewing-gum.

Babbitt's table was particularly happy to-day, because Professor
Pumphrey had just had a birthday, and was therefore open to teasing.

"Let's pump Pump about how old he is!" said Emil Wengert.

"No, let's paddle him with a dancing-pump!" said Ben Berkey.

But it was Babbitt who had the applause, with "Don't talk about pumps to
that guy! The only pump he knows is a bottle! Honest, they tell me he's
starting a class in home-brewing at the ole college!"

At each place was the Boosters' Club booklet, listing the members.
Though the object of the club was good-fellowship, yet they never lost
sight of the importance of doing a little more business. After each name
was the member's occupation. There were scores of advertisements in the
booklet, and on one page the admonition: "There's no rule that you have
to trade with your Fellow Boosters, but get wise, boy--what's the use
of letting all this good money get outside of our happy fambly?" And at
each place, to-day, there was a present; a card printed in artistic red
and black:


SERVICE AND BOOSTERISM

Service finds its finest opportunity and development only in its
broadest and deepest application and the consideration of its perpetual
action upon reaction. I believe the highest type of Service, like the
most progressive tenets of ethics, senses unceasingly and is motived by
active adherence and loyalty to that which is the essential principle of
Boosterism--Good Citizenship in all its factors and aspects.

DAD PETERSEN.

Compliments of Dadbury Petersen Advertising Corp.

"Ads, not Fads, at Dad's"


The Boosters all read Mr. Peterson's aphorism and said they understood
it perfectly.

The meeting opened with the regular weekly "stunts." Retiring President
Vergil Gunch was in the chair, his stiff hair like a hedge, his
voice like a brazen gong of festival. Members who had brought guests
introduced them publicly. "This tall red-headed piece of misinformation
is the sporting editor of the Press," said Willis Ijams; and H. H.
Hazen, the druggist, chanted, "Boys, when you're on a long motor tour
and finally get to a romantic spot or scene and draw up and remark to
the wife, 'This is certainly a romantic place,' it sends a glow right
up and down your vertebrae. Well, my guest to-day is from such a place,
Harper's Ferry, Virginia, in the beautiful Southland, with memories of
good old General Robert E. Lee and of that brave soul, John Brown who,
like every good Booster, goes marching on--"

There were two especially distinguished guests: the leading man of the
"Bird of Paradise" company, playing this week at the Dodsworth Theater,
and the mayor of Zenith, the Hon. Lucas Prout.

Vergil Gunch thundered, "When we manage to grab this celebrated Thespian
off his lovely aggregation of beautiful actresses--and I got to admit
I butted right into his dressing-room and told him how the Boosters
appreciated the high-class artistic performance he's giving us--and
don't forget that the treasurer of the Dodsworth is a Booster and will
appreciate our patronage--and when on top of that we yank Hizzonor
out of his multifarious duties at City Hall, then I feel we've done
ourselves proud, and Mr. Prout will now say a few words about the
problems and duties--"

By rising vote the Boosters decided which was the handsomest and which
the ugliest guest, and to each of them was given a bunch of carnations,
donated, President Gunch noted, by Brother Booster H. G. Yeager, the
Jennifer Avenue florist.

Each week, in rotation, four Boosters were privileged to obtain the
pleasures of generosity and of publicity by donating goods or services
to four fellow-members, chosen by lot. There was laughter, this week,
when it was announced that one of the contributors was Barnabas Joy, the
undertaker. Everybody whispered, "I can think of a coupla good guys to
be buried if his donation is a free funeral!"

Through all these diversions the Boosters were lunching on chicken
croquettes, peas, fried potatoes, coffee, apple pie, and American
cheese. Gunch did not lump the speeches. Presently he called on the
visiting secretary of the Zenith Rotary Club, a rival organization.
The secretary had the distinction of possessing State Motor Car License
Number 5.

The Rotary secretary laughingly admitted that wherever he drove in the
state so low a number created a sensation, and "though it was pretty
nice to have the honor, yet traffic cops remembered it only too darn
well, and sometimes he didn't know but what he'd almost as soon have
just plain B56,876 or something like that. Only let any doggone Booster
try to get Number 5 away from a live Rotarian next year, and watch the
fur fly! And if they'd permit him, he'd wind up by calling for a cheer
for the Boosters and Rotarians and the Kiwanis all together!"

Babbitt sighed to Professor Pumphrey, "Be pretty nice to have as low a
number as that! Everybody 'd say, 'He must be an important guy!' Wonder
how he got it? I'll bet he wined and dined the superintendent of the
Motor License Bureau to a fare-you-well!"

Then Chum Frink addressed them:

"Some of you may feel that it's out of place here to talk on a strictly
highbrow and artistic subject, but I want to come out flatfooted and
ask you boys to O.K. the proposition of a Symphony Orchestra for Zenith.
Now, where a lot of you make your mistake is in assuming that if you
don't like classical music and all that junk, you ought to oppose it.
Now, I want to confess that, though I'm a literary guy by profession, I
don't care a rap for all this long-haired music. I'd rather listen to a
good jazz band any time than to some piece by Beethoven that hasn't any
more tune to it than a bunch of fighting cats, and you couldn't whistle
it to save your life! But that isn't the point. Culture has become as
necessary an adornment and advertisement for a city to-day as pavements
or bank-clearances. It's Culture, in theaters and art-galleries and so
on, that brings thousands of visitors to New York every year and, to be
frank, for all our splendid attainments we haven't yet got the Culture
of a New York or Chicago or Boston--or at least we don't get the credit
for it. The thing to do then, as a live bunch of go-getters, is to
CAPITALIZE CULTURE; to go right out and grab it.

"Pictures and books are fine for those that have the time to study 'em,
but they don't shoot out on the road and holler 'This is what little
old Zenith can put up in the way of Culture.' That's precisely what
a Symphony Orchestra does do. Look at the credit Minneapolis and
Cincinnati get. An orchestra with first-class musickers and a swell
conductor--and I believe we ought to do the thing up brown and get
one of the highest-paid conductors on the market, providing he ain't a
Hun--it goes right into Beantown and New York and Washington; it plays
at the best theaters to the most cultured and moneyed people; it gives
such class-advertising as a town can get in no other way; and the guy
who is so short-sighted as to crab this orchestra proposition is passing
up the chance to impress the glorious name of Zenith on some big New
York millionaire that might-that might establish a branch factory here!

"I could also go into the fact that for our daughters who show an
interest in highbrow music and may want to teach it, having an A1 local
organization is of great benefit, but let's keep this on a practical
basis, and I call on you good brothers to whoop it up for Culture and a
World-beating Symphony Orchestra!"

They applauded.

To a rustle of excitement President Gunch proclaimed, "Gentlemen, we
will now proceed to the annual election of officers." For each of the
six offices, three candidates had been chosen by a committee. The second
name among the candidates for vice-president was Babbitt's.

He was surprised. He looked self-conscious. His heart pounded. He was
still more agitated when the ballots were counted and Gunch said, "It's
a pleasure to announce that Georgie Babbitt will be the next assistant
gavel-wielder. I know of no man who stands more stanchly for common
sense and enterprise than good old George. Come on, let's give him our
best long yell!"

As they adjourned, a hundred men crushed in to slap his back. He had
never known a higher moment. He drove away in a blur of wonder. He
lunged into his office, chuckling to Miss McGoun, "Well, I guess you
better congratulate your boss! Been elected vice-president of the
Boosters!"

He was disappointed. She answered only, "Yes--Oh, Mrs. Babbitt's been
trying to get you on the 'phone." But the new salesman, Fritz Weilinger,
said, "By golly, chief, say, that's great, that's perfectly great! I'm
tickled to death! Congratulations!"

Babbitt called the house, and crowed to his wife, "Heard you were trying
to get me, Myra. Say, you got to hand it to little Georgie, this time!
Better talk careful! You are now addressing the vice-president of the
Boosters' Club!"

"Oh, Georgie--"

"Pretty nice, huh? Willis Ijams is the new president, but when
he's away, little ole Georgie takes the gavel and whoops 'em up
and introduces the speakers--no matter if they're the governor
himself--and--"

"George! Listen!"

"--It puts him in solid with big men like Doc Dilling and--"

"George! Paul Riesling--"

"Yes, sure, I'll 'phone Paul and let him know about it right away."

"Georgie! LISTEN! Paul's in jail. He shot his wife, he shot Zilla, this
noon. She may not live."





I

HE drove to the City Prison, not blindly, but with unusual fussy care at
corners, the fussiness of an old woman potting plants. It kept him from
facing the obscenity of fate.

The attendant said, "Naw, you can't see any of the prisoners till
three-thirty--visiting-hour."

It was three. For half an hour Babbitt sat looking at a calendar and
a clock on a whitewashed wall. The chair was hard and mean and creaky.
People went through the office and, he thought, stared at him. He felt
a belligerent defiance which broke into a wincing fear of this machine
which was grinding Paul--Paul----

Exactly at half-past three he sent in his name.

The attendant returned with "Riesling says he don't want to see you."

"You're crazy! You didn't give him my name! Tell him it's George wants
to see him, George Babbitt."

"Yuh, I told him, all right, all right! He said he didn't want to see
you."

"Then take me in anyway."

"Nothing doing. If you ain't his lawyer, if he don't want to see you,
that's all there is to it."

"But, my GOD--Say, let me see the warden."

"He's busy. Come on, now, you--" Babbitt reared over him. The attendant
hastily changed to a coaxing "You can come back and try to-morrow.
Probably the poor guy is off his nut."

Babbitt drove, not at all carefully or fussily, sliding viciously past
trucks, ignoring the truckmen's curses, to the City Hall; he stopped
with a grind of wheels against the curb, and ran up the marble steps to
the office of the Hon. Mr. Lucas Prout, the mayor. He bribed the mayor's
doorman with a dollar; he was instantly inside, demanding, "You remember
me, Mr. Prout? Babbitt--vice-president of the Boosters--campaigned for
you? Say, have you heard about poor Riesling? Well, I want an order on
the warden or whatever you call um of the City Prison to take me back
and see him. Good. Thanks."

In fifteen minutes he was pounding down the prison corridor to a cage
where Paul Riesling sat on a cot, twisted like an old beggar, legs
crossed, arms in a knot, biting at his clenched fist.

Paul looked up blankly as the keeper unlocked the cell, admitted
Babbitt, and left them together. He spoke slowly: "Go on! Be moral!"

Babbitt plumped on the couch beside him. "I'm not going to be moral!
I don't care what happened! I just want to do anything I can. I'm glad
Zilla got what was coming to her."

Paul said argumentatively, "Now, don't go jumping on Zilla. I've been
thinking; maybe she hasn't had any too easy a time. Just after I shot
her--I didn't hardly mean to, but she got to deviling me so I went
crazy, just for a second, and pulled out that old revolver you and I
used to shoot rabbits with, and took a crack at her. Didn't hardly mean
to--After that, when I was trying to stop the blood--It was terrible
what it did to her shoulder, and she had beautiful skin--Maybe she won't
die. I hope it won't leave her skin all scarred. But just afterward,
when I was hunting through the bathroom for some cotton to stop the
blood, I ran onto a little fuzzy yellow duck we hung on the tree one
Christmas, and I remembered she and I'd been awfully happy then--Hell. I
can't hardly believe it's me here." As Babbitt's arm tightened about
his shoulder, Paul sighed, "I'm glad you came. But I thought maybe you'd
lecture me, and when you've committed a murder, and been brought here
and everything--there was a big crowd outside the apartment house, all
staring, and the cops took me through it--Oh, I'm not going to talk
about it any more."

But he went on, in a monotonous, terrified insane mumble. To divert him
Babbitt said, "Why, you got a scar on your cheek."

"Yes. That's where the cop hit me. I suppose cops get a lot of fun out
of lecturing murderers, too. He was a big fellow. And they wouldn't let
me help carry Zilla down to the ambulance."

"Paul! Quit it! Listen: she won't die, and when it's all over you and
I'll go off to Maine again. And maybe we can get that May Arnold to
go along. I'll go up to Chicago and ask her. Good woman, by golly. And
afterwards I'll see that you get started in business out West somewhere,
maybe Seattle--they say that's a lovely city."

Paul was half smiling. It was Babbitt who rambled now. He could not tell
whether Paul was heeding, but he droned on till the coming of Paul's
lawyer, P. J. Maxwell, a thin, busy, unfriendly man who nodded at
Babbitt and hinted, "If Riesling and I could be alone for a moment--"

Babbitt wrung Paul's hands, and waited in the office till Maxwell came
pattering out. "Look, old man, what can I do?" he begged.

"Nothing. Not a thing. Not just now," said Maxwell. "Sorry. Got to
hurry. And don't try to see him. I've had the doctor give him a shot of
morphine, so he'll sleep."

It seemed somehow wicked to return to the office. Babbitt felt as though
he had just come from a funeral. He drifted out to the City Hospital to
inquire about Zilla. She was not likely to die, he learned. The bullet
from Paul's huge old .44 army revolver had smashed her shoulder and torn
upward and out.

He wandered home and found his wife radiant with the horified
interest we have in the tragedies of our friends. "Of course Paul isn't
altogether to blame, but this is what comes of his chasing after other
women instead of bearing his cross in a Christian way," she exulted.

He was too languid to respond as he desired. He said what was to be said
about the Christian bearing of crosses, and went out to clean the car.
Dully, patiently, he scraped linty grease from the drip-pan, gouged
at the mud caked on the wheels. He used up many minutes in washing his
hands; scoured them with gritty kitchen soap; rejoiced in hurting his
plump knuckles. "Damn soft hands--like a woman's. Aah!"

At dinner, when his wife began the inevitable, he bellowed, "I forbid
any of you to say a word about Paul! I'll 'tend to all the talking about
this that's necessary, hear me? There's going to be one house in
this scandal-mongering town to-night that isn't going to spring the
holier-than-thou. And throw those filthy evening papers out of the
house!"

But he himself read the papers, after dinner.

Before nine he set out for the house of Lawyer Maxwell. He was received
without cordiality. "Well?" said Maxwell.

"I want to offer my services in the trial. I've got an idea. Why
couldn't I go on the stand and swear I was there, and she pulled the gun
first and he wrestled with her and the gun went off accidentally?"

"And perjure yourself?"

"Huh? Yes, I suppose it would be perjury. Oh--Would it help?"

"But, my dear fellow! Perjury!"

"Oh, don't be a fool! Excuse me, Maxwell; I didn't mean to get your
goat. I just mean: I've known and you've known many and many a case of
perjury, just to annex some rotten little piece of real estate, and
here where it's a case of saving Paul from going to prison, I'd perjure
myself black in the face."

"No. Aside from the ethics of the matter, I'm afraid it isn't
practicable. The prosecutor would tear your testimony to pieces. It's
known that only Riesling and his wife were there at the time."

"Then, look here! Let me go on the stand and swear--and this would be
the God's truth--that she pestered him till he kind of went crazy."

"No. Sorry. Riesling absolutely refuses to have any testimony reflecting
on his wife. He insists on pleading guilty."

"Then let me get up and testify something--whatever you say. Let me do
SOMETHING!"

"I'm sorry, Babbitt, but the best thing you can do--I hate to say it,
but you could help us most by keeping strictly out of it."

Babbitt, revolving his hat like a defaulting poor tenant, winced so
visibly that Maxwell condescended:

"I don't like to hurt your feelings, but you see we both want to do our
best for Riesling, and we mustn't consider any other factor. The trouble
with you, Babbitt, is that you're one of these fellows who talk too
readily. You like to hear your own voice. If there were anything for
which I could put you in the witness-box, you'd get going and give the
whole show away. Sorry. Now I must look over some papers--So sorry."


II

He spent most of the next morning nerving himself to face the garrulous
world of the Athletic Club. They would talk about Paul; they would
be lip-licking and rotten. But at the Roughnecks' Table they did not
mention Paul. They spoke with zeal of the coming baseball season. He
loved them as he never had before.


III

He had, doubtless from some story-book, pictured Paul's trial as a
long struggle, with bitter arguments, a taut crowd, and sudden and
overwhelming new testimony. Actually, the trial occupied less than
fifteen minutes, largely filled with the evidence of doctors that Zilla
would recover and that Paul must have been temporarily insane. Next day
Paul was sentenced to three years in the State Penitentiary and taken
off--quite undramatically, not handcuffed, merely plodding in a tired
way beside a cheerful deputy sheriff--and after saying good-by to him
at the station Babbitt returned to his office to realize that he faced a
world which, without Paul, was meaningless.

 Chapter Nineteen begins with details of Babbitt's involvement in unethical business practice with the Street Traction Company and with reference to his loan from Eathorne, which did not appear on the bank books. His company has also bought property that does not use their names . Babbitt expresses concern about unethical practice but his partner and father-in-law, Thompson, disagrees and Babbitt continues to profit from their dealings. Babbitt's hypocrisy is highlighted further when he discovers one of his outside salesmen, Stanley Graff, has been dishonest with a customer. Babbitt is ironically described as being 'overwhelmed' to find he has a dishonest person working for him and sacks him. Graff defends himself by accusing Babbitt of also being crooked and calls him a 'damn skinflint'. He warns him that if he were to inform the prosecuting attorney of the dealings with the Street Traction Company, both he and Babbitt would go to prison. Jake Offutt asks Babbitt to bid on land for him on the outskirts of Chicago. Babbitt agrees and takes Ted for a trip. They bond as men, rather than father and son, whilst together. When Ted returns to Zenith, Babbitt becomes lonely and then realizes he is sitting next to Sir Gerald Doak in the hotel lobby. Doak and Babbitt get on well and they go to the cinema together, then share a drink in Doak's room. After their drinks, 'Jerry' tells Babbitt that he has been the only one in the United States to treat him like a friend. The next evening Babbitt sees Paul dining with a woman he does not know. Babbitt insists that he will meet Paul that night at Paul's hotel. In Chapter Twenty, Babbitt waits for Paul at his hotel and begins to worry that Paul has committed suicide. When Paul arrives, he tells Babbitt not to interfere or moralize. He also says that he just wants comfort. Babbitt backtracks then and says he will do anything he can for him. Babbitt decides to send Zilla a postcard from Akron and lets her know that he has seen Paul . He also visits her when he returns to Zenith, and she promises to 'restrain herself' when arguing with Paul. On Paul's return home, he and Zilla and Babbitt and Myra go out together. When they are alone, Paul tells Babbitt that there is nothing left and he will leave Zilla 'somehow'. Chapter Twenty One is concerned with the most important Boosters' Club meeting of the year. It is to be followed by the election of officers. Frink wants them to accept his proposition for a Zenith Symphony Orchestra and says that this will bring more visitors to the city. The elections are then the focus of the meeting and Babbitt discovers he has been nominated as a candidate for vice-president. He wins the election and returns a missed call from Myra to let her know. She eventually manages to tell him that Paul is in prison for shooting Zilla, and she may not live. Babbitt visits Paul in prison in Chapter Twenty Two. Initially, Paul does not want to see him, but Babbitt gets an order from the mayor which overrides Paul's decision. Paul had not wanted to see him in case he moralized over what he had done, but he refrains from this. Afterwards, Babbitt visits Zilla in hospital and we are told she is not likely to die now. Babbitt then goes to see Paul's lawyer and offers to lie for Paul. Maxwell says he does not want Babbitt involved as he talks 'too readily' and Paul is pleading guilty anyway. Paul's trial is over in 15 minutes. He is evaluated as having been 'temporarily insane' and is sentenced to three years in the State Penitentiary. On his return to the office, Babbitt realizes he is facing a 'meaningless world' without Paul.

