Chapter: A room of state in TIMON'S house

Hautboys playing loud music. A great banquet serv'd in;
FLAVIUS and others attending; and then enter LORD TIMON, the
states,
the ATHENIAN LORDS, VENTIDIUS, which TIMON redeem'd from prison.
Then comes, dropping after all, APEMANTUS, discontentedly, like
himself

  VENTIDIUS. Most honoured Timon,
    It hath pleas'd the gods to remember my father's age,
    And call him to long peace.
    He is gone happy, and has left me rich.
    Then, as in grateful virtue I am bound
    To your free heart, I do return those talents,
    Doubled with thanks and service, from whose help
    I deriv'd liberty.
  TIMON. O, by no means,
    Honest Ventidius! You mistake my love;
    I gave it freely ever; and there's none
    Can truly say he gives, if he receives.
    If our betters play at that game, we must not dare
    To imitate them: faults that are rich are fair.
  VENTIDIUS. A noble spirit!
  TIMON. Nay, my lords, ceremony was but devis'd at first
    To set a gloss on faint deeds, hollow welcomes,
    Recanting goodness, sorry ere 'tis shown;
    But where there is true friendship there needs none.
    Pray, sit; more welcome are ye to my fortunes
    Than my fortunes to me.                           [They sit]
  FIRST LORD. My lord, we always have confess'd it.
  APEMANTUS. Ho, ho, confess'd it! Hang'd it, have you not?
  TIMON. O, Apemantus, you are welcome.
  APEMANTUS. No;
    You shall not make me welcome.
    I come to have thee thrust me out of doors.
  TIMON. Fie, th'art a churl; ye have got a humour there
    Does not become a man; 'tis much to blame.
    They say, my lords, Ira furor brevis est; but yond man is
ever
    angry. Go, let him have a table by himself; for he does
neither
    affect company nor is he fit for't indeed.
  APEMANTUS. Let me stay at thine apperil, Timon.
    I come to observe; I give thee warning on't.
  TIMON. I take no heed of thee. Th'art an Athenian, therefore
    welcome. I myself would have no power; prithee let my meat
make
    thee silent.
  APEMANTUS. I scorn thy meat; 't'would choke me, for I should
ne'er
    flatter thee. O you gods, what a number of men eats Timon,
and he
    sees 'em not! It grieves me to see so many dip their meat in
one
    man's blood; and all the madness is, he cheers them up too.
    I wonder men dare trust themselves with men.
    Methinks they should invite them without knives:
    Good for their meat and safer for their lives.
    There's much example for't; the fellow that sits next him
now,
    parts bread with him, pledges the breath of him in a divided
    draught, is the readiest man to kill him. 'T has been proved.
If
    I were a huge man I should fear to drink at meals.
    Lest they should spy my windpipe's dangerous notes:
    Great men should drink with harness on their throats.
  TIMON. My lord, in heart! and let the health go round.
  SECOND LORD. Let it flow this way, my good lord.
  APEMANTUS. Flow this way! A brave fellow! He keeps his tides
well.
    Those healths will make thee and thy state look ill, Timon.
    Here's that which is too weak to be a sinner, honest water,
which
    ne'er left man i' th' mire.
    This and my food are equals; there's no odds.'
    Feasts are too proud to give thanks to the gods.

                  APEMANTUS' Grace

           Immortal gods, I crave no pelf;
           I pray for no man but myself.
           Grant I may never prove so fond
           To trust man on his oath or bond,
           Or a harlot for her weeping,
           Or a dog that seems a-sleeping,
           Or a keeper with my freedom,
           Or my friends, if I should need 'em.
           Amen. So fall to't.
           Rich men sin, and I eat root.       [Eats and drinks]

    Much good dich thy good heart, Apemantus!
  TIMON. Captain Alcibiades, your heart's in the field now.
  ALCIBIADES. My heart is ever at your service, my lord.
  TIMON. You had rather be at a breakfast of enemies than dinner
of
    friends.
  ALCIBIADES. So they were bleeding new, my lord, there's no meat
    like 'em; I could wish my best friend at such a feast.
  APEMANTUS. Would all those flatterers were thine enemies then,
that
    then thou mightst kill 'em, and bid me to 'em.
  FIRST LORD. Might we but have that happiness, my lord, that you
    would once use our hearts, whereby we might express some part
of
    our zeals, we should think ourselves for ever perfect.
  TIMON. O, no doubt, my good friends, but the gods themselves
have
    provided that I shall have much help from you. How had you
been
    my friends else? Why have you that charitable title from
    thousands, did not you chiefly belong to my heart? I have
told
    more of you to myself than you can with modesty speak in your
own
    behalf; and thus far I confirm you. O you gods, think I, what
    need we have any friends if we should ne'er have need of 'em?
    They were the most needless creatures living, should we ne'er
    have use for 'em; and would most resemble sweet instruments
hung
    up in cases, that keep their sounds to themselves. Why, I
have
    often wish'd myself poorer, that I might come nearer to you.
We
    are born to do benefits; and what better or properer can we
call
    our own than the riches of our friends? O, what a precious
    comfort 'tis to have so many like brothers commanding one
    another's fortunes! O, joy's e'en made away ere't can be
born!
    Mine eyes cannot hold out water, methinks. To forget their
    faults, I drink to you.
  APEMANTUS. Thou weep'st to make them drink, Timon.
  SECOND LORD. Joy had the like conception in our eyes,
    And at that instant like a babe sprung up.
  APEMANTUS. Ho, ho! I laugh to think that babe a bastard.
  THIRD LORD. I promise you, my lord, you mov'd me much.
  APEMANTUS. Much!                                [Sound tucket]
  TIMON. What means that trump?

                        Enter a SERVANT

    How now?
  SERVANT. Please you, my lord, there are certain ladies most
    desirous of admittance.
  TIMON. Ladies! What are their wills?
  SERVANT. There comes with them a forerunner, my lord, which
bears
    that office to signify their pleasures.
  TIMON. I pray let them be admitted.

                          Enter CUPID
  CUPID. Hail to thee, worthy Timon, and to all
    That of his bounties taste! The five best Senses
    Acknowledge thee their patron, and come freely
    To gratulate thy plenteous bosom. Th' Ear,
    Taste, Touch, Smell, pleas'd from thy table rise;
    They only now come but to feast thine eyes.
  TIMON. They're welcome all; let 'em have kind admittance.
    Music, make their welcome.                        Exit CUPID
  FIRST LORD. You see, my lord, how ample y'are belov'd.

      Music. Re-enter CUPID, witb a Masque of LADIES as Amazons,
          with lutes in their hands, dancing and playing

  APEMANTUS. Hoy-day, what a sweep of vanity comes this way!
    They dance? They are mad women.
    Like madness is the glory of this life,
    As this pomp shows to a little oil and root.
    We make ourselves fools to disport ourselves,
    And spend our flatteries to drink those men
    Upon whose age we void it up again
    With poisonous spite and envy.
    Who lives that's not depraved or depraves?
    Who dies that bears not one spurn to their graves
    Of their friends' gift?
    I should fear those that dance before me now
    Would one day stamp upon me. 'T has been done:
    Men shut their doors against a setting sun.

         The LORDS rise from table, with much adoring of
        TIMON; and to show their loves, each single out an
          Amazon, and all dance, men witb women, a lofty
            strain or two to the hautboys, and cease

  TIMON. You have done our pleasures much grace, fair ladies,
    Set a fair fashion on our entertainment,
    Which was not half so beautiful and kind;
    You have added worth unto't and lustre,
    And entertain'd me with mine own device;
    I am to thank you for't.
  FIRST LADY. My lord, you take us even at the best.
  APEMANTUS. Faith, for the worst is filthy, and would not hold
    taking, I doubt me.
  TIMON. Ladies, there is an idle banquet attends you;
    Please you to dispose yourselves.
  ALL LADIES. Most thankfully, my lord.
                                         Exeunt CUPID and LADIES
  TIMON. Flavius!
  FLAVIUS. My lord?
  TIMON. The little casket bring me hither.
  FLAVIUS. Yes, my lord. [Aside] More jewels yet!
    There is no crossing him in's humour,
    Else I should tell him- well i' faith, I should-
    When all's spent, he'd be cross'd then, an he could.
    'Tis pity bounty had not eyes behind,
    That man might ne'er be wretched for his mind.          Exit
  FIRST LORD. Where be our men?
  SERVANT. Here, my lord, in readiness.
  SECOND LORD. Our horses!

               Re-enter FLAVIUS, with the casket

  TIMON. O my friends,
    I have one word to say to you. Look you, my good lord,
    I must entreat you honour me so much
    As to advance this jewel; accept it and wear it,
    Kind my lord.
  FIRST LORD. I am so far already in your gifts-
  ALL. So are we all.

                       Enter a SERVANT

  SERVANT. My lord, there are certain nobles of the Senate newly
    alighted and come to visit you.
  TIMON. They are fairly welcome.                   Exit SERVANT
  FLAVIUS. I beseech your honour, vouchsafe me a word; it does
    concern you near.
  TIMON. Near! Why then, another time I'll hear thee. I prithee
let's
    be provided to show them entertainment.
  FLAVIUS. [Aside] I scarce know how.

                     Enter another SERVANT

  SECOND SERVANT. May it please vour honour, Lord Lucius, out of
his
    free love, hath presented to you four milk-white horses,
trapp'd
    in silver.
  TIMON. I shall accept them fairly. Let the presents
    Be worthily entertain'd.                        Exit SERVANT

                      Enter a third SERVANT

    How now! What news?
  THIRD SERVANT. Please you, my lord, that honourable gentleman,
Lord
    Lucullus, entreats your company to-morrow to hunt with him
and
    has sent your honour two brace of greyhounds.
  TIMON. I'll hunt with him; and let them be receiv'd,
    Not without fair reward.                        Exit SERVANT
  FLAVIUS. [Aside] What will this come to?
    He commands us to provide and give great gifts,
    And all out of an empty coffer;
    Nor will he know his purse, or yield me this,
    To show him what a beggar his heart is,
    Being of no power to make his wishes good.
    His promises fly so beyond his state
    That what he speaks is all in debt; he owes
    For ev'ry word. He is so kind that he now
    Pays interest for't; his land's put to their books.
    Well, would I were gently put out of office
    Before I were forc'd out!
    Happier is he that has no friend to feed
    Than such that do e'en enemies exceed.
    I bleed inwardly for my lord.                           Exit
  TIMON. You do yourselves much wrong;
    You bate too much of your own merits.
    Here, my lord, a trifle of our love.
  SECOND LORD. With more than common thanks I will receive it.
  THIRD LORD. O, he's the very soul of bounty!
  TIMON. And now I remember, my lord, you gave good words the
other
    day of a bay courser I rode on. 'Tis yours because you lik'd
it.
  THIRD LORD. O, I beseech you pardon me, my lord, in that.
  TIMON. You may take my word, my lord: I know no man
    Can justly praise but what he does affect.
    I weigh my friend's affection with mine own.
    I'll tell you true; I'll call to you.
  ALL LORDS. O, none so welcome!
  TIMON. I take all and your several visitations
    So kind to heart 'tis not enough to give;
    Methinks I could deal kingdoms to my friends
    And ne'er be weary. Alcibiades,
    Thou art a soldier, therefore seldom rich.
    It comes in charity to thee; for all thy living
    Is 'mongst the dead, and all the lands thou hast
    Lie in a pitch'd field.
  ALCIBIADES. Ay, defil'd land, my lord.
  FIRST LORD. We are so virtuously bound-
  TIMON. And so am I to you.
  SECOND LORD. So infinitely endear'd-
  TIMON. All to you. Lights, more lights!
  FIRST LORD. The best of happiness, honour, and fortunes, keep
with
    you, Lord Timon!
  TIMON. Ready for his friends.
                              Exeunt all but APEMANTUS and TIMON
  APEMANTUS. What a coil's here!
    Serving of becks and jutting-out of bums!
    I doubt whether their legs be worth the sums
    That are given for 'em. Friendship's full of dregs:
    Methinks false hearts should never have sound legs.
    Thus honest fools lay out their wealth on curtsies.
  TIMON. Now, Apemantus, if thou wert not sullen
    I would be good to thee.
  APEMANTUS. No, I'll nothing; for if I should be brib'd too,
there
    would be none left to rail upon thee, and then thou wouldst
sin
    the faster. Thou giv'st so long, Timon, I fear me thou wilt
give
    away thyself in paper shortly. What needs these feasts,
pomps,
    and vain-glories?
  TIMON. Nay, an you begin to rail on society once, I am sworn
not to
    give regard to you. Farewell; and come with better music.
 Exit
  APEMANTUS. So. Thou wilt not hear me now: thou shalt not then.
I'll
    lock thy heaven from thee.
    O that men's ears should be
    To counsel deaf, but not to flattery!                   Exit

 Everyone is invited to a banquet at Timon's house. There's music, laughter, and excellent food. Ventidius comes in and thanks Timon for getting him out of debt. Timon's all, "No problem, man. It's the least I could do for a friend." Of course, gloomy Apemantus isn't happy to be there. He makes a point of telling Timon all about it, and he gets called a "churl" in response. Oh, snap. Timon is too nice to let the grumpiness continue. He offers Apemantus some meat, but Eeyore insists he's not enough of a brownnoser to take anything from Timon. "Don't you see that these fools are just using you?" Apemantus asks Timon. Nothing can ruin Timon's mood, not even grumpy Apemantus. Timon proposes a toast of health and good cheer. Two can play at this game: Apemantus says he'll take Timon's "health" and make it "look ill." At least that's what will happen to Timon for giving so much to his friends. All these people, Apemantus says, are drenched in Timon's blood. Apemantus makes a few more sarcastic quips while Timon talks with his other guests. Timon takes it upon himself to deliver a heartfelt speech. He tells his guests how he wishes he were poor so he could be closer to them. Um, okay. Let's get ready to par-tay, because Cupid and a bunch of ladies have just arrived, prepared to dance. Just when we think it's going to go Lionel Richie-style--all night long--Timon tells his steward Flavius to fetch his casket of jewels. As Flavius runs off, he tells the audience in an aside that Timon is spending more than he should. Brain snack: an aside is used in theater when someone says something that no one else on stage can hear. It's basically a secret note passed just to the audience. Timon starts giving out jewels like they're going out of style, and Flavius asks to speak with him in private. No, that can wait, Timon says: let's have some fun. All the guests are stoked, but Flavius warns us again that Timon is overspending. We're beginning to think this isn't just a one-time thing. Timon bestows all of his guests with more gifts, and then they eventually leave. Only Apemantus remains, with a warning that only fools give all their money away. "Don't worry so much, Apemantus. Let me give you some gifts, too," Timon pleads. But Apemantus will have none of it. He can't be bought, and he won't flatter Timon, either.

