Chapter: SCENE III   ELMIRE, TARTUFFE


  TARTUFFE
  May Heaven's overflowing kindness ever
  Give you good health of body and of soul,
  And bless your days according to the wishes
  And prayers of its most humble votary!

  ELMIRE
  I'm very grateful for your pious wishes.
  But let's sit down, so we may talk at ease.

  TARTUFFE (after sitting down)
  And how are you recovered from your illness?

  ELMIRE (sitting down also)
  Quite well; the fever soon let go its hold.

  TARTUFFE
  My prayers, I fear, have not sufficient merit
  To have drawn down this favour from on high;
  But each entreaty that I made to Heaven
  Had for its object your recovery.

  ELMIRE
  You're too solicitous on my behalf.

  TARTUFFE
  We could not cherish your dear health too much;
  I would have given mine, to help restore it.

  ELMIRE
  That's pushing Christian charity too far;
  I owe you many thanks for so much kindness.

  TARTUFFE
  I do far less for you than you deserve.

  ELMIRE
  There is a matter that I wished to speak of
  In private; I am glad there's no one here
  To listen.

  TARTUFFE
  Madam, I am overjoyed.
  'Tis sweet to find myself alone with you.
  This is an opportunity I've asked
  Of Heaven, many a time; till now, in vain.

  ELMIRE
  All that I wish, is just a word from you,
  Quite frank and open, hiding nothing from me.

  (DAMIS, without their seeing him, opens the closet door halfway.)

  TARTUFFE
  I too could wish, as Heaven's especial favour,
  To lay my soul quite open to your eyes,
  And swear to you, the trouble that I made
  About those visits which your charms attract,
  Does not result from any hatred toward you,
  But rather from a passionate devotion,
  And purest motives ...

  ELMIRE
  That is how I take it,
  I think 'tis my salvation that concerns you.

  TARTUFFE (pressing her finger tips)
  Madam, 'tis so; and such is my devotion ...

  ELMIRE
  Ouch! but you squeeze too hard.

  TARTUFFE
  Excess of zeal.
  In no way could I ever mean to hurt you,
  And I'd as soon ...

  (He puts his hand on her knee.)

  ELMIRE
  What's your hand doing there?

  TARTUFFE
  Feeling your gown; the stuff is very soft.

  ELMIRE
  Let be, I beg you; I am very ticklish.

  (She moves her chair away, and Tartuffe brings his nearer.)

  TARTUFFE (handling the lace yoke of Elmire's dress)
  Dear me how wonderful in workmanship
  This lace is! They do marvels, nowadays;
  Things of all kinds were never better made.

  ELMIRE
  Yes, very true. But let us come to business.
  They say my husband means to break his word.
  And marry Mariane to you. Is't so?

  TARTUFFE
  He did hint some such thing; but truly, madam,
  That's not the happiness I'm yearning after;
  I see elsewhere the sweet compelling charms
  Of such a joy as fills my every wish.

  ELMIRE
  You mean you cannot love terrestrial things.

  TARTUFFE
  The heart within my bosom is not stone.

  ELMIRE
  I well believe your sighs all tend to Heaven,
  And nothing here below can stay your thoughts.

  TARTUFFE
  Love for the beauty of eternal things
  Cannot destroy our love for earthly beauty;
  Our mortal senses well may be entranced
  By perfect works that Heaven has fashioned here.
  Its charms reflected shine in such as you,
  And in yourself, its rarest miracles;
  It has displayed such marvels in your face,
  That eyes are dazed, and hearts are rapt away;
  I could not look on you, the perfect creature,
  Without admiring Nature's great Creator,
  And feeling all my heart inflamed with love
  For you, His fairest image of Himself.
  At first I trembled lest this secret love
  Might be the Evil Spirit's artful snare;
  I even schooled my heart to flee your beauty,
  Thinking it was a bar to my salvation.
  But soon, enlightened, O all lovely one,
  I saw how this my passion may be blameless,
  How I may make it fit with modesty,
  And thus completely yield my heart to it.
  'Tis I must own, a great presumption in me
  To dare make you the offer of my heart;
  My love hopes all things from your perfect goodness,
  And nothing from my own poor weak endeavour.
  You are my hope, my stay, my peace of heart;
  On you depends my torment or my bliss;
  And by your doom of judgment, I shall be
  Blest, if you will; or damned, by your decree.

  ELMIRE
  Your declaration's turned most gallantly;
  But truly, it is just a bit surprising.
  You should have better armed your heart, methinks,
  And taken thought somewhat on such a matter.
  A pious man like you, known everywhere ...

  TARTUFFE
  Though pious, I am none the less a man;
  And when a man beholds your heavenly charms,
  The heart surrenders, and can think no more.
  I know such words seem strange, coming from me;
  But, madam, I'm no angel, after all;
  If you condemn my frankly made avowal
  You only have your charming self to blame.
  Soon as I saw your more than human beauty,
  You were thenceforth the sovereign of my soul;
  Sweetness ineffable was in your eyes,
  That took by storm my still resisting heart,
  And conquered everything, fasts, prayers, and tears,
  And turned my worship wholly to yourself.
  My looks, my sighs, have spoke a thousand times;
  Now, to express it all, my voice must speak.
  If but you will look down with gracious favour
  Upon the sorrows of your worthless slave,
  If in your goodness you will give me comfort
  And condescend unto my nothingness,
  I'll ever pay you, O sweet miracle,
  An unexampled worship and devotion.
  Then too, with me your honour runs no risk;
  With me you need not fear a public scandal.
  These court gallants, that women are so fond of,
  Are boastful of their acts, and vain in speech;
  They always brag in public of their progress;
  Soon as a favour's granted, they'll divulge it;
  Their tattling tongues, if you but trust to them,
  Will foul the altar where their hearts have worshipped.
  But men like me are so discreet in love,
  That you may trust their lasting secrecy.
  The care we take to guard our own good name
  May fully guarantee the one we love;
  So you may find, with hearts like ours sincere,
  Love without scandal, pleasure without fear.

  ELMIRE
  I've heard you through--your speech is clear, at least.
  But don't you fear that I may take a fancy
  To tell my husband of your gallant passion,
  And that a prompt report of this affair
  May somewhat change the friendship which he bears you?

  TARTUFFE
  I know that you're too good and generous,
  That you will pardon my temerity,
  Excuse, upon the score of human frailty,
  The violence of passion that offends you,
  And not forget, when you consult your mirror,
  That I'm not blind, and man is made of flesh.

  ELMIRE
  Some women might do otherwise, perhaps,
  But I am willing to employ discretion,
  And not repeat the matter to my husband;
  But in return, I'll ask one thing of you:
  That you urge forward, frankly and sincerely,
  The marriage of Valere to Mariane;
  That you give up the unjust influence
  By which you hope to win another's rights;
  And ...

 Elmire enters. Tartuffe immediately showers her with blessings. She asks him to sit down. Tartuffe asks about her health, and tells her that he prayed and prayed for her...but that he didn't think his prayers were enough. Elmire thanks him for his concern and tells him not to worry. Still, Tartuffe does not stop. She tells him that there's an important matter she'd like to discuss. She's glad there's no one around to annoy them. Tartuffe is very glad to hear her say this... It seems he's prayed and prayed for the chance to be alone with her. Elmire asks him to be open with his answers. He agrees, but before he goes any further he reassures you that all his visits were prompted only by religious feeling and respect. At this point, he starts trying to put the moves on her...but he's not very smooth. He takes her hand, but manages to pinch her. When he puts his hand on her knee - and is caught - he tells Elmire that he was only feeling the fine fabric. Elmire starts moving away from him, but he continues. He feels the lace on her collar and compliments its quality. Elmire ignores him and gets down to business. She asks him if the whole Tartuffe-Mariane wedding thing is true. Tartuffe tells her that he's heard something about that, but that he'd rather be united with someone else. Elmire takes this to mean that he has no interest in worldly things. Tartuffe tries to tell her that a man of God can appreciate worldly beauty, and that it's especially easy to see the magnificence of God's creation in her. He confesses his love to Elmire, and tells her that his fate is in her hands. Elmire tells Tartuffe he should have thought a little longer before opening his trap. Tartuffe uses the whole "I'm just a man, I'm not an angel!" defense, and tells her that he simply couldn't refuse her charms. He promises her that everything will be one hundred percent secret, on the down-low. Elmire asks Tartuffe if, you know, he might be a little afraid of her telling on him. Tartuffe knows, he says, that she'd never do such a thing. Elmire agrees to tell no one about what happened, as long as he convinces Orgon to let Mariane marry Valere.

