Chapter: ACT II. SCENE 1.

France. Before the walls of Angiers.

[Enter, on one side, the ARCHDUKE OF AUSTRIA and Forces; on the
other, PHILIP, King of France, LOUIS, CONSTANCE, ARTHUR, and
Forces.]

KING PHILIP.
Before Angiers well met, brave Austria.--
Arthur, that great forerunner of thy blood,
Richard, that robb'd the lion of his heart,
And fought the holy wars in Palestine,
By this brave duke came early to his grave:
And, for amends to his posterity,
At our importance hither is he come
To spread his colours, boy, in thy behalf;
And to rebuke the usurpation
Of thy unnatural uncle, English John:
Embrace him, love him, give him welcome hither.

ARTHUR.
God shall forgive you Coeur-de-lion's death
The rather that you give his offspring life,
Shadowing their right under your wings of war:
I give you welcome with a powerless hand,
But with a heart full of unstained love,--
Welcome before the gates of Angiers, duke.

LOUIS.
A noble boy! Who would not do thee right?

AUSTRIA.
Upon thy cheek lay I this zealous kiss,
As seal to this indenture of my love,--
That to my home I will no more return,
Till Angiers, and the right thou hast in France,
Together with that pale, that white-fac'd shore,
Whose foot spurns back the ocean's roaring tides,
And coops from other lands her islanders,--
Even till that England, hedg'd in with the main,
That water-walled bulwark, still secure
And confident from foreign purposes,--
Even till that utmost corner of the west
Salute thee for her king: till then, fair boy,
Will I not think of home, but follow arms.

CONSTANCE.
O, take his mother's thanks, a widow's thanks,
Till your strong hand shall help to give him strength
To make a more requital to your love!

AUSTRIA.
The peace of heaven is theirs that lift their swords
In such a just and charitable war.

KING PHILIP.
Well then, to work: our cannon shall be bent
Against the brows of this resisting town.--
Call for our chiefest men of discipline,
To cull the plots of best advantages:
We'll lay before this town our royal bones,
Wade to the market-place in Frenchmen's blood,
But we will make it subject to this boy.

CONSTANCE.
Stay for an answer to your embassy,
Lest unadvis'd you stain your swords with blood:
My Lord Chatillon may from England bring
That right in peace which here we urge in war;
And then we shall repent each drop of blood
That hot rash haste so indirectly shed.

KING PHILIP.
A wonder, lady!--lo, upon thy wish,
Our messenger Chatillon is arriv'd.

[Enter CHATILLON.]

What England says, say briefly, gentle lord;
We coldly pause for thee; Chatillon, speak.

CHATILLON.
Then turn your forces from this paltry siege,
And stir them up against a mightier task.
England, impatient of your just demands,
Hath put himself in arms: the adverse winds,
Whose leisure I have stay'd, have given him time
To land his legions all as soon as I;
His marches are expedient to this town,
His forces strong, his soldiers confident.
With him along is come the mother-queen,
An Ate, stirring him to blood and strife;
With her her neice, the Lady Blanch of Spain;
With them a bastard of the king's deceas'd:
And all the unsettled humours of the land,--
Rash, inconsiderate, fiery voluntaries,
With ladies' faces and fierce dragons' spleens,--
Have sold their fortunes at their native homes,
Bearing their birthrights proudly on their backs,
To make a hazard of new fortunes here.
In brief, a braver choice of dauntless spirits
Than now the English bottoms have waft o'er
Did never float upon the swelling tide
To do offence and scathe in Christendom.

[Drums beat within.]

The interruption of their churlish drums
Cuts off more circumstance: they are at hand;
To parley or to fight: therefore prepare.

KING PHILIP.
How much unlook'd-for is this expedition!

AUSTRIA.
By how much unexpected, by so much
We must awake endeavour for defence;
For courage mounteth with occasion:
Let them be welcome, then; we are prepar'd.

[Enter KING JOHN, ELINOR, BLANCH, the BASTARD,
PEMBROKE, Lords, and Forces.]

KING JOHN.
Peace be to France, if France in peace permit
Our just and lineal entrance to our own!
If not, bleed France, and peace ascend to heaven,
Whiles we, God's wrathful agent, do correct
Their proud contempt that beats his peace to heaven!

KING PHILIP.
Peace be to England, if that war return
From France to England, there to live in peace!
England we love; and for that England's sake
With burden of our armour here we sweat.
This toil of ours should be a work of thine;
But thou from loving England art so far
That thou hast under-wrought his lawful king,
Cut off the sequence of posterity,
Outfaced infant state, and done a rape
Upon the maiden virtue of the crown.
Look here upon thy brother Geffrey's face:--
These eyes, these brows, were moulded out of his:
This little abstract doth contain that large
Which died in Geffrey; and the hand of time
Shall draw this brief into as huge a volume.
That Geffrey was thy elder brother born,
And this his son; England was Geffrey's right,
And this is Geffrey's: in the name of God,
How comes it then, that thou art call'd a king,
When living blood doth in these temples beat,
Which owe the crown that thou o'er-masterest?

KING JOHN.
From whom hast thou this great commission, France,
To draw my answer from thy articles?

KING PHILIP.
From that supernal judge that stirs good thoughts
In any breast of strong authority,
To look into the blots and stains of right.
That judge hath made me guardian to this boy:
Under whose warrant I impeach thy wrong;
And by whose help I mean to chastise it.

KING JOHN.
Alack, thou dost usurp authority.

KING PHILIP.
Excus,--it is to beat usurping down.

ELINOR.
Who is it thou dost call usurper, France?

CONSTANCE.
Let me make answer;--thy usurping son.

ELINOR.
Out, insolent! thy bastard shall be king,
That thou mayst be a queen, and check the world!

CONSTANCE.
My bed was ever to thy son as true
As thine was to thy husband; and this boy
Liker in feature to his father Geffrey
Than thou and John in manners,--being as like
As rain to water, or devil to his dam.
My boy a bastard! By my soul, I think
His father never was so true begot:
It cannot be, an if thou wert his mother.

ELINOR.
There's a good mother, boy, that blots thy father.

CONSTANCE.
There's a good grandam, boy, that would blot thee.

AUSTRIA.
Peace!

BASTARD.
Hear the crier.

AUSTRIA.
What the devil art thou?

BASTARD.
One that will play the devil, sir, with you,
An 'a may catch your hide and you alone.
You are the hare of whom the proverb goes,
Whose valour plucks dead lions by the beard:
I'll smoke your skin-coat an I catch you right;
Sirrah, look to 't; i' faith I will, i' faith.

BLANCH.
O, well did he become that lion's robe
That did disrobe the lion of that robe!

BASTARD.
It lies as sightly on the back of him
As great Alcides' shows upon an ass:--
But, ass, I'll take that burden from your back,
Or lay on that shall make your shoulders crack.

AUSTRIA.
What cracker is this same that deafs our ears
With this abundance of superfluous breath?

KING PHILIP.
Louis, determine what we shall do straight.

LOUIS.
Women and fools, break off your conference.--
King John, this is the very sum of all,--
England and Ireland, Anjou, Touraine, Maine,
In right of Arthur, do I claim of thee:
Wilt thou resign them, and lay down thy arms?

KING JOHN.
My life as soon:--I do defy thee, France.
Arthur of Bretagne, yield thee to my hand;
And out of my dear love, I'll give thee more
Than e'er the coward hand of France can win:
Submit thee, boy.

ELINOR.
Come to thy grandam, child.

CONSTANCE.
Do, child, go to it' grandam, child;
Give grandam kingdom, and it' grandam will
Give it a plum, a cherry, and a fig.
There's a good grandam!

ARTHUR.
Good my mother, peace!
I would that I were low laid in my grave:
I am not worth this coil that's made for me.

ELINOR.
His mother shames him so, poor boy, he weeps.

CONSTANCE.
Now, shame upon you, whe'er she does or no!
His grandam's wrongs, and not his mother's shames,
Draws those heaven-moving pearls from his poor eyes,
Which heaven shall take in nature of a fee:
Ay, with these crystal beads heaven shall be brib'd
To do him justice, and revenge on you.

ELINOR.
Thou monstrous slanderer of heaven and earth!

CONSTANCE.
Thou monstrous injurer of heaven and earth!
Call not me slanderer: thou and thine usurp
The dominations, royalties, and rights,
Of this oppressed boy: this is thy eldest son's son,
Infortunate in nothing but in thee:
Thy sins are visited in this poor child;
The canon of the law is laid on him,
Being but the second generation
Removed from thy sin-conceiving womb.

KING JOHN.
Bedlam, have done.

CONSTANCE.
I have but this to say,--
That he is not only plagued for her sin,
But God hath made her sin and her the plague
On this removed issue, plagu'd for her
And with her plague, her sin; his injury
Her injury,--the beadle to her sin;
All punish'd in the person of this child,
And all for her: a plague upon her!

ELINOR.
Thou unadvised scold, I can produce
A will that bars the title of thy son.

CONSTANCE.
Ay, who doubts that? a will, a wicked will;
A woman's will; a canker'd grandam's will!

KING PHILIP.
Peace, lady! pause, or be more temperate:
It ill beseems this presence to cry aim
To these ill-tuned repetitions.--
Some trumpet summon hither to the walls
These men of Angiers: let us hear them speak
Whose title they admit, Arthur's or John's.

[Trumpet sounds. Enter citizens upon the walls.]

FIRST CITIZEN.
Who is it that hath warn'd us to the walls?

KING PHILIP.
 'Tis France, for England.

KING JOHN.
England for itself:--
You men of Angiers, and my loving subjects,--

KING PHILIP.
You loving men of Angiers, Arthur's subjects,
Our trumpet call'd you to this gentle parle.

KING JOHN.
For our advantage; therefore hear us first.
These flags of France, that are advanced here
Before the eye and prospect of your town,
Have hither march'd to your endamagement;

The cannons have their bowels full of wrath,
And ready mounted are they to spit forth
Their iron indignation 'gainst your walls:
All preparation for a bloody siege
And merciless proceeding by these French
Confronts your city's eyes, your winking gates;
And, but for our approach, those sleeping stones
That as a waist doth girdle you about,
By the compulsion of their ordinance
By this time from their fixed beds of lime
Had been dishabited, and wide havoc made
For bloody power to rush upon your peace.
But, on the sight of us, your lawful king,--
Who, painfully, with much expedient march,
Have brought a countercheck before your gates,
To save unscratch'd your city's threatn'd cheeks,--
Behold, the French, amaz'd, vouchsafe a parle;
And now, instead of bullets wrapp'd in fire,
To make a shaking fever in your walls,
They shoot but calm words folded up in smoke,
To make a faithless error in your ears:
Which trust accordingly, kind citizens,
And let us in, your king; whose labour'd spirits,
Forwearied in this action of swift speed,
Craves harbourage within your city-walls.

KING PHILIP.
When I have said, make answer to us both.
Lo, in this right hand, whose protection
Is most divinely vow'd upon the right
Of him it holds, stands young Plantagenet,
Son to the elder brother of this man,
And king o'er him and all that he enjoys:
For this down-trodden equity we tread
In war-like march these greens before your town;
Being no further enemy to you
Than the constraint of hospitable zeal
In the relief of this oppressed child
Religiously provokes. Be pleased then
To pay that duty which you truly owe
To him that owes it, namely, this young prince:
And then our arms, like to a muzzled bear,
Save in aspect, hath all offence seal'd up;
Our cannons' malice vainly shall be spent
Against the invulnerable clouds of heaven;
And with a blessed and unvex'd retire,
With unhack'd swords and helmets all unbruis'd,
We will bear home that lusty blood again
Which here we came to spout against your town,
And leave your children, wives, and you, in peace.
But if you fondly pass our proffer'd offer,
'Tis not the roundure of your old-fac'd walls
Can hide you from our messengers of war,
Though all these English, and their discipline,
Were harbour'd in their rude circumference.
Then, tell us, shall your city call us lord
In that behalf which we have challeng'd it?
Or shall we give the signal to our rage,
And stalk in blood to our possession?

FIRST CITIZEN.
In brief: we are the King of England's subjects:
For him, and in his right, we hold this town.

KING JOHN.
Acknowledge then the king, and let me in.

CITIZEN.
That can we not; but he that proves the king,
To him will we prove loyal: till that time
Have we ramm'd up our gates against the world.

KING JOHN.
Doth not the crown of England prove the king?
And if not that, I bring you witnesses,
Twice fifteen thousand hearts of England's breed,--

BASTARD.
Bastards, and else.

KING JOHN.
To verify our title with their lives.

KING PHILIP.
As many and as well-born bloods as those,--

BASTARD.
Some bastards too.

KING PHILIP.
Stand in his face, to contradict his claim.

FIRST CITIZEN.
Till you compound whose right is worthiest,
We for the worthiest hold the right from both.

KING JOHN.
Then God forgive the sin of all those souls
That to their everlasting residence,
Before the dew of evening fall, shall fleet,
In dreadful trial of our kingdom's king!

KING PHILIP.
Amen, Amen!--Mount, chevaliers; to arms!

BASTARD.
Saint George, that swinged the dragon, and e'er since
Sits on his horse' back at mine hostess' door,
Teach us some fence!--Sirrah [To AUSTRIA.], were I at home,
At your den, sirrah, with your lioness,
I would set an ox-head to your lion's hide,
And make a monster of you.

AUSTRIA.
Peace! no more.

BASTARD.
O, tremble, for you hear the lion roar.

KING JOHN.
Up higher to the plain; where we'll set forth
In best appointment all our regiments.

BASTARD.
Speed, then, to take advantage of the field.

KING PHILIP.
It shall be so;--[To LOUIS.] and at the other hill
Command the rest to stand.--God and our right!

[Exeunt severally.]

[After excursions, enter a French Herald, with trumpets, to the
gates.]

FRENCH HERALD.
You men of Angiers, open wide your gates
And let young Arthur, Duke of Bretagne, in,
Who, by the hand of France, this day hath made
Much work for tears in many an English mother,
Whose sons lie scatter'd on the bleeding ground;
Many a widow's husband grovelling lies,
Coldly embracing the discolour'd earth;
And victory, with little loss, doth play
Upon the dancing banners of the French,
Who are at hand, triumphantly display'd,
To enter conquerors, and to proclaim
Arthur of Bretagne England's king and yours.

[Enter an ENGLISH HERALD, with trumpets.]

ENGLISH HERALD.
Rejoice, you men of Angiers, ring your bells:
King John, your king and England's, doth approach,
Commander of this hot malicious day:
Their armours, that march'd hence so silver-bright,
Hither return all gilt with Frenchmen's blood;
There stuck no plume in any English crest
That is removed by a staff of France,
Our colours do return in those same hands
That did display them when we first march'd forth;
And, like a jolly troop of huntsmen, come
Our lusty English, all with purpled hands,
Dy'd in the dying slaughter of their foes:
Open your gates and give the victors way.

FIRST CITIZEN.
Heralds, from off our towers, we might behold,
From first to last, the onset and retire
Of both your armies; whose equality
By our best eyes cannot be censured:
Blood hath bought blood, and blows have answer'd blows;
Strength match'd with strength, and power confronted power:
Both are alike, and both alike we like.
One must prove greatest: while they weigh so even,
We hold our town for neither; yet for both.

[Enter, on one side, KING JOHN, ELINOR, BLANCH, the BASTARD, and
Forces; at the other, KING PHILIP, LOUIS, AUSTRIA, and Forces.]

KING JOHN.
France, hast thou yet more blood to cast away?
Say, shall the current of our right run on?
Whose passage, vex'd with thy impediment,
Shall leave his native channel, and o'erswell
With course disturb'd even thy confining shores,
Unless thou let his silver water keep
A peaceful progress to the ocean.

KING PHILIP.
England, thou hast not sav'd one drop of blood
In this hot trial, more than we of France;
Rather, lost more: and by this hand I swear,
That sways the earth this climate overlooks,
Before we will lay down our just-borne arms,
We'll put thee down, 'gainst whom these arms we bear,
Or add a royal number to the dead,
Gracing the scroll that tells of this war's loss
With slaughter coupled to the name of kings.

BASTARD.
Ha, majesty! how high thy glory towers
When the rich blood of kings is set on fire!
O, now doth Death line his dead chaps with steel;
The swords of soldiers are his teeth, his fangs;
And now he feasts, mousing the flesh of men,
In undetermin'd differences of kings.--
Why stand these royal fronts amazed thus?
Cry, havoc, kings! back to the stained field,
You equal potents, fiery-kindled spirits!
Then let confusion of one part confirm
The other's peace: till then, blows, blood, and death!

KING JOHN.
Whose party do the townsmen yet admit?

KING PHILIP.
Speak, citizens, for England; who's your king?

FIRST CITIZEN.
The King of England, when we know the king.

KING PHILIP.
Know him in us, that here hold up his right.

KING JOHN.
In us, that are our own great deputy,
And bear possession of our person here;
Lord of our presence, Angiers, and of you.

FIRST CITIZEN.
A greater power than we denies all this;
And till it be undoubted, we do lock
Our former scruple in our strong-barr'd gates;
King'd of our fears, until our fears, resolv'd,
Be by some certain king purg'd and depos'd.

BASTARD.
By heaven, these scroyles of Angiers flout you, kings,
And stand securely on their battlements
As in a theatre, whence they gape and point
At your industrious scenes and acts of death.
Your royal presences be rul'd by me:--
Do like the mutines of Jerusalem,
Be friends awhile, and both conjointly bend
Your sharpest deeds of malice on this town:
By east and west let France and England mount
Their battering cannon, charged to the mouths,
Till their soul-fearing clamours have brawl'd down
The flinty ribs of this contemptuous city:
I'd play incessantly upon these jades,
Even till unfenced desolation
Leave them as naked as the vulgar air.
That done, dissever your united strengths,
And part your mingled colours once again:
Turn face to face, and bloody point to point;
Then, in a moment, fortune shall cull forth
Out of one side her happy minion,
To whom in favour she shall give the day,
And kiss him with a glorious victory.
How like you this wild counsel, mighty states?
Smacks it not something of the policy?

KING JOHN.
Now, by the sky that hangs above our heads,
I like it well.--France, shall we knit our powers,
And lay this Angiers even with the ground;
Then, after, fight who shall be king of it?

BASTARD.
An if thou hast the mettle of a king,--
Being wrong'd, as we are, by this peevish town,--
Turn thou the mouth of thy artillery,
As we will ours, against these saucy walls;
And when that we have dash'd them to the ground,
Why then defy each other, and, pell-mell,
Make work upon ourselves, for heaven or hell!

KING PHILIP.
Let it be so.--Say, where will you assault?

KING JOHN.
We from the west will send destruction
Into this city's bosom.

AUSTRIA.
I from the north.

KING PHILIP.
Our thunder from the south
Shall rain their drift of bullets on this town.

BASTARD.
O prudent discipline! From north to south,--
Austria and France shoot in each other's mouth:
I'll stir them to it.[Aside.]--Come, away, away!

FIRST CITIZEN.
Hear us, great kings: vouchsafe awhile to stay,
And I shall show you peace and fair-fac'd league;
Win you this city without stroke or wound;
Rescue those breathing lives to die in beds
That here come sacrifices for the field:
Persever not, but hear me, mighty kings.

KING JOHN.
Speak on with favour; we are bent to hear.

FIRST CITIZEN.
That daughter there of Spain, the Lady Blanch,
Is niece to England:--look upon the years
Of Louis the Dauphin and that lovely maid:
If lusty love should go in quest of beauty,
Where should he find it fairer than in Blanch?
If zealous love should go in search of virtue,
Where should he find it purer than in Blanch?
If love ambitious sought a match of birth,
Whose veins bound richer blood than Lady Blanch?
Such as she is, in beauty, virtue, birth,
Is the young Dauphin every way complete,--
If not complete of, say he is not she;
And she again wants nothing, to name want,
If want it be not, that she is not he:
He is the half part of a blessed man,
Left to be finished by such a she;
And she a fair divided excellence,
Whose fulness of perfection lies in him.
O, two such silver currents, when they join
Do glorify the banks that bound them in;
And two such shores to two such streams made one,
Two such controlling bounds, shall you be, kings,
To these two princes, if you marry them.
This union shall do more than battery can
To our fast-closed gates; for at this match,
With swifter spleen than powder can enforce,
The mouth of passage shall we fling wide ope,
And give you entrance; but without this match,
The sea enraged is not half so deaf,
Lions more confident, mountains and rocks
More free from motion; no, not Death himself
In mortal fury half so peremptory
As we to keep this city.

BASTARD.
Here's a stay
That shakes the rotten carcase of old Death
Out of his rags! Here's a large mouth, indeed,
That spits forth death and mountains, rocks and seas;
Talks as familiarly of roaring lions
As maids of thirteen do of puppy-dogs!
What cannoneer begot this lusty blood?
He speaks plain cannon,--fire and smoke and bounce;
He gives the bastinado with his tongue;
Our ears are cudgell'd; not a word of his
But buffets better than a fist of France.
Zounds! I was never so bethump'd with words
Since I first call'd my brother's father dad.

ELINOR.
Son, list to this conjunction, make this match;
Give with our niece a dowry large enough;
For by this knot thou shalt so surely tie
Thy now unsur'd assurance to the crown,
That yon green boy shall have no sun to ripe
The bloom that promiseth a mighty fruit.
I see a yielding in the looks of France;
Mark how they whisper: urge them while their souls
Are capable of this ambition,
Lest zeal, now melted by the windy breath
Of soft petitions, pity, and remorse,
Cool and congeal again to what it was.

FIRST CITIZEN.
Why answer not the double majesties
This friendly treaty of our threaten'd town?

KING PHILIP.
Speak England first, that hath been forward first
To speak unto this city: what say you?

KING JOHN.
If that the Dauphin there, thy princely son,
Can in this book of beauty read 'I love,'
Her dowry shall weigh equal with a queen;
For Anjou, and fair Touraine, Maine, Poictiers,
And all that we upon this side the sea,--
Except this city now by us besieg'd,--
Find liable to our crown and dignity,
Shall gild her bridal bed; and make her rich
In titles, honours, and promotions,
As she in beauty, education, blood,
Holds hand with any princess of the world.

KING PHILIP.
What say'st thou, boy? look in the lady's face.

LOUIS.
I do, my lord, and in her eye I find
A wonder, or a wondrous miracle,
The shadow of myself form'd in her eye;
Which, being but the shadow of your son,
Becomes a sun, and makes your son a shadow:
I do protest I never lov'd myself
Till now infixed I beheld myself
Drawn in the flattering table of her eye.

[Whispers with BLANCH.]

BASTARD.
[Aside.] Drawn in the flattering table of her eye!--
  Hang'd in the frowning wrinkle of her brow,
And quarter'd in her heart!--he doth espy
  Himself love's traitor! This is pity now,
That, hang'd, and drawn, and quarter'd, there should be
In such a love so vile a lout as he.

BLANCH.
My uncle's will in this respect is mine.
If he see aught in you that makes him like,
That anything he sees, which moves his liking
I can with ease translate it to my will;
Or if you will, to speak more properly,
I will enforce it easily to my love.
Further, I will not flatter you, my lord,
That all I see in you is worthy love,
Than this,--that nothing do I see in you,
Though churlish thoughts themselves should be your judge,--
That I can find should merit any hate.

KING JOHN.
What say these young ones?--What say you, my niece?

BLANCH.
That she is bound in honour still to do
What you in wisdom still vouchsafe to say.

KING JOHN.
Speak then, Prince Dauphin; can you love this lady?

LOUIS.
Nay, ask me if I can refrain from love;
For I do love her most unfeignedly.

KING JOHN.
Then do I give Volquessen, Touraine, Maine,
Poictiers, and Anjou, these five provinces,
With her to thee; and this addition more,
Full thirty thousand marks of English coin.--
Philip of France, if thou be pleas'd withal,
Command thy son and daughter to join hands.

KING PHILIP.
It likes us well.--Young princes, close your hands.

AUSTRIA.
And your lips too; for I am well assur'd
That I did so when I was first assur'd.

KING PHILIP.
Now, citizens of Angiers, ope your gates,
Let in that amity which you have made;
For at Saint Mary's chapel presently
The rites of marriage shall be solemniz'd.--
Is not the Lady Constance in this troop?
I know she is not; for this match made up
Her presence would have interrupted much:
Where is she and her son? tell me, who knows.

LOUIS.
She is sad and passionate at your highness' tent.

KING PHILIP.
And, by my faith, this league that we have made
Will give her sadness very little cure.--
Brother of England, how may we content
This widow lady? In her right we came;
Which we, God knows, have turn'd another way,
To our own vantage.

KING JOHN.
We will heal up all;
For we'll create young Arthur Duke of Bretagne,
And Earl of Richmond; and this rich fair town
We make him lord of.--Call the Lady Constance:
Some speedy messenger bid her repair
To our solemnity:--I trust we shall,
If not fill up the measure of her will,
Yet in some measure satisfy her so
That we shall stop her exclamation.
Go we, as well as haste will suffer us,
To this unlook'd-for, unprepared pomp.

[Exeunt all but the BASTARD. The Citizens retire from the Walls.]

BASTARD.
Mad world! mad kings! mad composition!
John, to stop Arthur's title in the whole,
Hath willingly departed with a part;
And France,--whose armour conscience buckled on,
Whom zeal and charity brought to the field
As God's own soldier,--rounded in the ear
With that same purpose-changer, that sly devil;
That broker, that still breaks the pate of faith;
That daily break-vow, he that wins of all,
Of kings, of beggars, old men, young men, maids,--
Who having no external thing to lose
But the word maid, cheats the poor maid of that;
That smooth-fac'd gentleman, tickling commodity,--
Commodity, the bias of the world;
The world, who of itself is peised well,
Made to run even upon even ground,
Till this advantage, this vile-drawing bias,
This sway of motion, this commodity,
Makes it take head from all indifferency,
From all direction, purpose, course, intent:
And this same bias, this commodity,
This bawd, this broker, this all-changing word,
Clapp'd on the outward eye of fickle France,
Hath drawn him from his own determin'd aid,
From a resolv'd and honourable war,
To a most base and vile-concluded peace.--
And why rail I on this commodity?
But for because he hath not woo'd me yet:
Not that I have the power to clutch my hand
When his fair angels would salute my palm;
But for my hand, as unattempted yet,
Like a poor beggar, raileth on the rich.
Well, whiles I am a beggar, I will rail,
And say, There is no sin but to be rich;
And being rich, my virtue then shall be,
To say, There is no vice but beggary:
Since kings break faith upon commodity,
Gain, be my lord!--for I will worship thee.

[Exit.]

 The second act of the play starts in France, in front of the city of Angers. At this point in history, Angers was the property of the King of England. An army led by King Philip of France is getting ready to storm Angers and take it by force. The following people are also ready to rumble: Austria , Louis , Arthur , Arthur's mom Constance, and the soldiers under their command. By the way, the Duke of Austria is wearing the dead King Richard I's lion-skin coat. More on this in a minute. King Philip starts off by saying something like this to young Arthur: "Listen, kid. We all know that Austria killed your uncle, Richard the Lionheart. But you need to forgive him and give him a hug because we're all on the same side now." Brain Snack: In real life, Austria didn't kill Richard. The King was shot by some dude with a crossbow during the siege of a castle in France. Arthur forgives Austria and says that God forgives him, too, especially now that he's agreed to devote all his time and energy to making Arthur the king of England. Austria adds that heaven is totally on their side in this "just and charitable war." Hmm. We wonder what the people of Angers think of this theory. Constance, Arthur's mom, thanks Austria for sticking up for her little boy, who doesn't have the "strength" to stick up for himself. King Philip is about to let his soldiers open fire on Angers, but Constance stops him and asks him to wait and see if King John will give up the city peacefully. At that very moment, in walks Chatillon. He tells everyone that he had trouble leaving England because of bad weather. By the time he was able to set sail, King John had his whole army in gear. In fact, says Chatillon, King John and his army are in France already, and headed for Angers. Uh-oh! Just then, lo and behold, in walks the whole English crew: King John, Queen Eleanor, Blanche of Spain, the Bastard, and the English army. Some very formal and polite trash talk ensues. King John is all, "Peace to France... if they back the heck off and don't make any claims to my land or my crown." King Philip is all, "Hey, I totally love England. That's why I brought all these soldiers here with me. By the way, John, you don't love England, because you stole the crown from its rightful king--little Arthur." Gee. It doesn't look like anyone's going to be signing a peace treaty in the near future, does it? Then a nasty little fight breaks out between Queen Eleanor and Constance. The sight of his mom and grandma fighting makes Arthur cry. Eleanor and Constance both accuse the other of cheating on their husbands and giving birth to "bastards." Things get all Jerry Springer when the Bastard jumps into the fray, and starts insulting Austria, who's running around in the lion-skin coat that used to belong to the Bastard's biological dad. The Bastard threatens to kill Austria. Get your highlighters out, because this is important. At this point, King Philip repeats his demand to King John. Now he is speaking as if he wants to take control of England, on Arthur's behalf. King John refuses and tells Arthur to swear allegiance to him. This prompts another war of words between Queen Eleanor and Constance, who are all, "Your son is a bastard," and "No, your son is a bastard." Psst. Go to "Symbols: Mothers" if you want to know what this is all about. Finally, King Philip says that the people of Angers should get to decide who should be their king: Arthur or John. One of the citizens of Angers, a guy named Hubert, comes out onto the wall to hear each king's case. King John speaks first. He tells Hubert that, unlike the French, who really want to destroy Angers and are only pretending to like it, he, John, wants to save it. Therefore, Angers should let him and his army inside the city ASAP. King Philip speaks next. He says that his cause is legitimate, because he is fighting on behalf of the rightful king, Arthur. King Philip also says that, if Angers doesn't accept Arthur as their king, the French army will completely destroy the city--even if the whole English army is inside it. At the end of the two speeches, Hubert says that Angers will always be loyal to the King of England. The problem is, they don't know who the King of England is right now: John or Arthur. The good people of Angers are just going to hang out and see what happens. They'll swear allegiance to whoever wins the battle. The two kings are up for this. After trading some more insults, they head back to their armies. Soon, the English and the French are going toe-to-toe. When the battle quiets down, the French herald appears in front of the walls and is all, "We just kicked the English army's butt. Time for you to surrender to Arthur." About two seconds later, the English herald shows up and tells the citizens of Angers to surrender to King John, because England has won the battle. Hubert reappears on the city's battlements. He says something like, "Yeah, we can't figure out who just won the battle, so we're not declaring our loyalty to anybody just yet." At this point, King John and King Philip each come back onstage, surrounded by their cronies. Now the two kings start arguing over who won. As you might expect, they don't come to an agreement. Hubert continues to refuse to open the city gates. The Bastard now speaks up and suggests a solution. "Hey, King John! Hey, King Philip! Why don't you guys join forces and destroy this annoying city. Then, once you've done that, you can fight with each other and settle this once and for all." The two kings think this is an awesome idea and are about to go rearrange their armies, when they suddenly hear Hubert calling out to them from the walls. Hubert's got an even better idea. He thinks that Blanche of Spain, King John's niece, should marry Louis, King Philip's son. According to the old custom of political marriages, this would create an alliance between France and England. Queen Eleanor encourages King John to go for the deal. She hints that, if King Philip's son stands to benefit from the marriage, he won't be that interested in helping young Arthur pick a fight with King John. After some more prodding from Hubert, King John speaks up. He tells King Philip that he is willing to offer Blanche's hand in marriage. To sweeten the deal, he offers to throw in, as dowry, some territories he owns: Anjou, Touraine, Maine, and Poitiers--the very same territories that King Philip was demanding for Arthur. King Philip seems interested; he asks Louis to take a look at Blanche and sum her up. Louis takes a look and likes what he sees--himself, reflected in Blanche's eyes. As for Blanche, she says that, even if Louis doesn't knock her socks off, she doesn't see any reason hate him. With some prodding from King John, Louis and Blanche agree to the match. King Philip commands the citizens of Angers to open their gates to let in the wedding party. Just as they are about to go in, King Philip realizes that Constance has disappeared. Louis tells him that she is off crying. King Philip figures that it must be because he broke his promise to young Arthur. Hearing this, King John offers to patch things up: he will make Arthur Duke of Britain , and Earl of Richmond, and he will give him Angers. After these words, everybody heads inside the town. The only one left onstage in the Bastard. The Bastard makes a cynical speech--he can't believe these scumbag politicians. The Bastard goes off about how King John was willing to give away part of his kingdom in order to keep Arthur from getting all of it--and how King Philip was willing to stop helping Arthur in order to secure a good deal for his son. The Bastard argues that these acts of betrayal go to show that "commodity" is what makes the world go round. By "commodity," the Bastard means self-interest, the desire for personal gain. The Bastard rounds off his speech by saying that he is only complaining about the corrupt ways of the world because he hasn't gotten rich yet. Once he's rich, he'll think the worst people are the poor. The Bastard ends his speech by praying to become rich.

