Chapter: ACT II. SCENE I.

Milan. The DUKE'S palace

Enter VALENTINE and SPEED

  SPEED. Sir, your glove.
  VALENTINE. Not mine: my gloves are on.
  SPEED. Why, then, this may be yours; for this is but one.
  VALENTINE. Ha! let me see; ay, give it me, it's mine;
    Sweet ornament that decks a thing divine!
    Ah, Silvia! Silvia!
  SPEED.  [Calling]  Madam Silvia! Madam Silvia!
  VALENTINE. How now, sirrah?
  SPEED. She is not within hearing, sir.
  VALENTINE. Why, sir, who bade you call her?
  SPEED. Your worship, sir; or else I mistook.
  VALENTINE. Well, you'll still be too forward.
  SPEED. And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.
  VALENTINE. Go to, sir; tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?
  SPEED. She that your worship loves?
  VALENTINE. Why, how know you that I am in love?
  SPEED. Marry, by these special marks: first, you have learn'd,
like
    Sir Proteus, to wreath your arms like a malcontent; to relish
a
    love-song, like a robin redbreast; to walk alone, like one
that
    had the pestilence; to sigh, like a school-boy that had lost
his
    A B C; to weep, like a young wench that had buried her
grandam;
    to fast, like one that takes diet; to watch, like one that
fears
    robbing; to speak puling, like a beggar at Hallowmas. You
were
    wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you walk'd,
to
    walk like one of the lions; when you fasted, it was presently
    after dinner; when you look'd sadly, it was for want of
money.
    And now you are metamorphis'd with a mistress, that, when I
look
    on you, I can hardly think you my master.
  VALENTINE. Are all these things perceiv'd in me?
  SPEED. They are all perceiv'd without ye.
  VALENTINE. Without me? They cannot.
  SPEED. Without you! Nay, that's certain; for, without you were
so
    simple, none else would; but you are so without these follies
    that these follies are within you, and shine through you like
the
    water in an urinal, that not an eye that sees you but is a
    physician to comment on your malady.
  VALENTINE. But tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia?
  SPEED. She that you gaze on so, as she sits at supper?
  VALENTINE. Hast thou observ'd that? Even she, I mean.
  SPEED. Why, sir, I know her not.
  VALENTINE. Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet
know'st
    her not?
  SPEED. Is she not hard-favour'd, sir?
  VALENTINE. Not so fair, boy, as well-favour'd.
  SPEED. Sir, I know that well enough.
  VALENTINE. What dost thou know?
  SPEED. That she is not so fair as, of you, well-favour'd.
  VALENTINE. I mean that her beauty is exquisite, but her favour
    infinite.
  SPEED. That's because the one is painted, and the other out of
all
    count.
  VALENTINE. How painted? and how out of count?
  SPEED. Marry, sir, so painted, to make her fair, that no man
counts
    of her beauty.
  VALENTINE. How esteem'st thou me? I account of her beauty.
  SPEED. You never saw her since she was deform'd.
  VALENTINE. How long hath she been deform'd?
  SPEED. Ever since you lov'd her.
  VALENTINE. I have lov'd her ever since I saw her, and still
    I see her beautiful.
  SPEED. If you love her, you cannot see her.
  VALENTINE. Why?
  SPEED. Because Love is blind. O that you had mine eyes; or your
own
    eyes had the lights they were wont to have when you chid at
Sir
    Proteus for going ungarter'd!
  VALENTINE. What should I see then?
  SPEED. Your own present folly and her passing deformity; for
he,
    being in love, could not see to garter his hose; and you,
being
    in love, cannot see to put on your hose.
  VALENTINE. Belike, boy, then you are in love; for last morning
you
    could not see to wipe my shoes.
  SPEED. True, sir; I was in love with my bed. I thank you, you
    swing'd me for my love, which makes me the bolder to chide
you
    for yours.
  VALENTINE. In conclusion, I stand affected to her.
  SPEED. I would you were set, so your affection would cease.
  VALENTINE. Last night she enjoin'd me to write some lines to
one
    she loves.
  SPEED. And have you?
  VALENTINE. I have.
  SPEED. Are they not lamely writ?
  VALENTINE. No, boy, but as well as I can do them.

                           Enter SILVIA

    Peace! here she comes.
  SPEED.  [Aside]  O excellent motion! O exceeding puppet!
    Now will he interpret to her.
  VALENTINE. Madam and mistress, a thousand good morrows.
  SPEED.  [Aside]  O, give ye good ev'n!
    Here's a million of manners.
  SILVIA. Sir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand.
  SPEED.  [Aside]  He should give her interest, and she gives it
him.
  VALENTINE. As you enjoin'd me, I have writ your letter
    Unto the secret nameless friend of yours;
    Which I was much unwilling to proceed in,
    But for my duty to your ladyship.
  SILVIA. I thank you, gentle servant. 'Tis very clerkly done.
  VALENTINE. Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off;
    For, being ignorant to whom it goes,
    I writ at random, very doubtfully.
  SILVIA. Perchance you think too much of so much pains?
  VALENTINE. No, madam; so it stead you, I will write,
    Please you command, a thousand times as much;
    And yet-
  SILVIA. A pretty period! Well, I guess the sequel;
    And yet I will not name it- and yet I care not.
    And yet take this again- and yet I thank you-
    Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more.
  SPEED.  [Aside]  And yet you will; and yet another' yet.'
  VALENTINE. What means your ladyship? Do you not like it?
  SILVIA. Yes, yes; the lines are very quaintly writ;
    But, since unwillingly, take them again.
    Nay, take them.                      [Gives hack the letter]
  VALENTINE. Madam, they are for you.
  SILVIA. Ay, ay, you writ them, sir, at my request;
    But I will none of them; they are for you:
    I would have had them writ more movingly.
  VALENTINE. Please you, I'll write your ladyship another.
  SILVIA. And when it's writ, for my sake read it over;
    And if it please you, so; if not, why, so.
  VALENTINE. If it please me, madam, what then?
  SILVIA. Why, if it please you, take it for your labour.
    And so good morrow, servant.                     Exit SILVIA
  SPEED. O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible,
    As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a steeple!
    My master sues to her; and she hath taught her suitor,
    He being her pupil, to become her tutor.
    O excellent device! Was there ever heard a better,
    That my master, being scribe, to himself should write the
letter?
  VALENTINE. How now, sir! What are you reasoning with yourself?
  SPEED. Nay, I was rhyming: 'tis you that have the reason.
  VALENTINE. To do what?
  SPEED. To be a spokesman from Madam Silvia?
  VALENTINE. To whom?
  SPEED. To yourself; why, she woos you by a figure.
  VALENTINE. What figure?
  SPEED. By a letter, I should say.
  VALENTINE. Why, she hath not writ to me.
  SPEED. What need she, when she hath made you write to yourself?
    Why, do you not perceive the jest?
  VALENTINE. No, believe me.
  SPEED. No believing you indeed, sir. But did you perceive her
    earnest?
  VALENTINE. She gave me none except an angry word.
  SPEED. Why, she hath given you a letter.
  VALENTINE. That's the letter I writ to her friend.
  SPEED. And that letter hath she deliver'd, and there an end.
  VALENTINE. I would it were no worse.
  SPEED. I'll warrant you 'tis as well.
    'For often have you writ to her; and she, in modesty,
    Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply;
    Or fearing else some messenger that might her mind discover,
    Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her
lover.'
    All this I speak in print, for in print I found it. Why muse
you,
    sir? 'Tis dinner time.
  VALENTINE. I have din'd.
  SPEED. Ay, but hearken, sir; though the chameleon Love can feed
on
    the air, I am one that am nourish'd by my victuals, and would
    fain have meat. O, be not like your mistress! Be moved, be
moved.
                                                          Exeunt





SCENE II.

Verona. JULIA'S house

Enter PROTEUS and JULIA

  PROTEUS. Have patience, gentle Julia.
  JULIA. I must, where is no remedy.
  PROTEUS. When possibly I can, I will return.
  JULIA. If you turn not, you will return the sooner.
    Keep this remembrance for thy Julia's sake.
                                                 [Giving a ring]
  PROTEUS. Why, then, we'll make exchange. Here, take you this.
  JULIA. And seal the bargain with a holy kiss.
  PROTEUS. Here is my hand for my true constancy;
    And when that hour o'erslips me in the day
    Wherein I sigh not, Julia, for thy sake,
    The next ensuing hour some foul mischance
    Torment me for my love's forgetfulness!
    My father stays my coming; answer not;
    The tide is now- nay, not thy tide of tears:
    That tide will stay me longer than I should.
    Julia, farewell!                                  Exit JULIA
    What, gone without a word?
    Ay, so true love should do: it cannot speak;
    For truth hath better deeds than words to grace it.

                          Enter PANTHINO

  PANTHINO. Sir Proteus, you are stay'd for.
  PROTEUS. Go; I come, I come.
    Alas! this parting strikes poor lovers dumb.          Exeunt

 Speed helps Valentine put on his gloves, only to realize that there is one glove too many. The third glove, we quickly realize, belongs to Silvia, the object of Valentine's affection. Valentine, however, is shocked when Speed refers to Silvia as "he that your worship loves" . Valentine interrogates Speed on the source of this knowledge. Speed humorously rattles off a long list of Valentine's lovesick behavior: he adores love songs; sighs; weeps; has no appetite; and crosses his arms discontentedly. Speed says that these love-struck traits are as clear in Valentine as "water in a urinal" . Valentine confesses that Silvia has entreated him to write a love letter to an unnamed recipient. Silvia enters, and when Valentine gives her the letter, she coldly replies that it is written in a very scholarly fashion, and insists that he take the letter back. She wished Valentine to write the love letter to her; by misinterpreting her request, he has displeased her. Valentine is disappointed, but Speed chides him for not being overjoyed at receiving a letter from Silvia, even though it is the letter that Valentine originally wrote for Silvia's anonymous "friend." Valentine tries to convince Speed that Silvia is the fairest maid of all, but Speed refuses to be swayed, saying that Valentine's love has blinded his ability to judge rationally. Proteus and Julia bid a tearful goodbye and exchange rings as a pledge of their devotion to one another. Proteus vows that the ring Julia has given him will remind him eternally of her, his true love. Julia departs wordlessly and Panthino arrives to hasten Proteus aboard the ship to Milan.

