but a woman, who, when her own needs aren't met, and when she's slowly disintegrating, is not going to be able to give very much to the children, or give as much as she could, so it makes sense, if she's really concerned about those children, that she will put, quite often, her own needs above them in order to get her act together, so that she's in control and feels good about what she's doing so she'll be able to give more.