labels to leave the self-fulfilling prophecy so i knew it was going to be a rough day just by that label so when i walk into the classroom it already starts half of the students are hanging out the window screaming obscenities at their friends and of court had so i've made a request usually i would like you ought to come on over and sit down please i'd like to tell you who are and what i'd like to do today half the students come over i wasn't sure the other half it even heard me say i repeated it would you all please come over now everybody comes over with the exception two young men just my luck pictures it didn't come over the biggest ones in the class and again i wasn't too sure they'd heard me and i was praying it might just be a problem with acoustic so i said uh... would one of you two gentlemen tell me please what you heard me say merely said we had to come over in favour you see the problem and make a request he hears a dinner so i said shouldn't i have learned always you share with people have biceps like he did especially with that that provides i said sir could you tell me how i could have let you know what i was requesting thought wouldn't sound like i was telling you what you had to do he said prone one see that's a radical paradigm shift for somebody who's been educated under domination conditions domination structures where authorities claim to know what's right you have to do it or helps so it's a medical paradigm shift in giraffe schools people don't make the man this make requests and i realize this is not going to be the with mr he's probably carrying with him a lot of traces of being punished when he doesn't do one of the people or blame expecting him to give it up like so that's that's their how can i let you know that i was requesting something u without it sounded like i was blocking your alone i said just what's happening between you and me right now is much that i wanted to talk about i was wanting to look at the way we couldn't get to react where nobody bosses others around and i didn't expect life to be so easy and it was all he needed interested at that point that i wasn't trying to tell him what and he came over and we had a very cooperative day but as long as people here are request as the man they have only two choices submission or rebuild and neither of us are going to connect us with people in a way that's good for anybody so the main thing that's the difference is not how nicely we say but how we treat people when they don't do what we want now let's here a few of these uh... we concede what kind of reactions you might get back if u hopefully express your heart to tried your best not to criticize to nag what do you get back she gets excited and defends herself but i i don't need to hear the specific state prison but which means i defend his but he said now to be specific for the next exercise we need to know specifically what the president said fitted diagnosis which is the first when she said sometimes things happen and i i'm not ready to leave on when you create will sometimes things happen and i'm not ready to leave one uh... i agree that's what the president said i can't do that because i have a hard time connecting people as partners i can't do that because i have a hard time connecting to people in the park this is their response yet as to what the person's on and he says nothing accused evergreen nothing i do is never good enough decisions are through the whole thing says she doesn't like the way i watched a systematic actually extent yours as i expressed because i need to be accepted from our willingness and ability to do job without yes i would like you to acknowledge my work positively unified or feel like how do you want me to how would you like me to respond positively than idiot could do a better job making a bet that you've that's the s_o_s_ think she would say can't because i'd never do a little