"but that evening and that night were sown the first seeds of my ‘last conviction.’ i seized greedily on my new idea; i thirstily drank in all its different aspects (i did not sleep a wink that night!), and the deeper i went into it the more my being seemed to merge itself in it, and the more alarmed i became. a dreadful terror came over me at last, and did not leave me all next day.