uh... reminding if there is sometimes when summary here it's on i'm feeling some anxiety about a trip from planning to visit my mother c and we have a dynamic where she really wants to helped me figure out every detail of what it's stay he so it should either and i'm afraid that if i talk to her like this can make matters much located and what did you know if it does we'll show you how to enjoy it when it gets ok k but first let me show you the first thing to do if we want a person to consider another behavior than the one they're doing start the communication by showing them that what they're doing is the most precious thing that could be start by empathizing with mothers intent in the evening is good mother and guessing that when you jump in and want to so me all the things that could be done you really care a lot about nine jo and myself on this trip and one of the issue you support that or yes yes it was a lot of them really very important to you the independent complete that's kept wants you to mean that's what i mean by started by showing you understand not the more we're concerned about that and even more important is to start that's why when i work in prisons in this person has been sexually molesting people lake people if i would like this person to find another way of being the first thing i got to do is make sure they don't hate themselves for what to do it when they hate yourself for what to do and when will continue doing so much that night that the fed with what their needs are doing okay seemed at that next step what we started off the day with uh... tell thing on my my field for americans act and grateful for your intent i really haven't needed time to make my own choices here consenting to be very hard for anybody else to really know what i need and i need this place to figure it out for myself would you tell me what you heard mister celebrity if i'm making myself clear