dear catriona i could guess you probably worked this out a long time ago but i might as well get it over with once and for all and i finally managed to summon up the courage to do so, a s a, a secret admirer, no longer exists, he no longer admires secret or otherwise and hasn't existed for almost a year now and again you probably know who he is but i might as well tell you it's me johnny  the eleven year old, now fourteen, you met at christmas ninety and boy do i feel stupid.