"i don’t understand you. how could he have me in view, and not be aware of it himself? and yet, i don’t know perhaps i do. do you know i have intended to poison myself at least thirty times ever since i was thirteen or so and to write to my parents before i did it? i used to think how nice it would be to lie in my coffin, and have them all weeping over me and saying it was all their fault for being so cruel, and all that what are you smiling at?" she added, knitting her brow.