it is better for me to die! i should tell some dreadful lie too; nature would so contrive it! i have corrupted nobody. i wanted to live for the happiness of all men, to find and spread the truth. i used to look out of my window at the wall of meyer’s house, and say to myself that if i could speak for a quarter of an hour i would convince the whole world, and now for once in my life i have come into contact with... you if not with the others! and what is the result? nothing! the sole result is that you despise me! therefore i must be a fool, i am useless, it is time i disappeared! and i shall leave not even a memory! not a sound, not a trace, not a single deed! i have not spread a single truth!... do not laugh at the fool! forget him! forget him forever! i beseech you, do not be so cruel as to remember! do you know that if i were not consumptive, i would kill myself?"