"no, no, lizabetha prokofievna, take no notice of me. i am not going to have a fit. i will go away directly; but i know i am afflicted. i was twenty-four years an invalid, you see the first twenty-four years of my life so take all i do and say as the sayings and actions of an invalid. i’m going away directly, i really am don’t be afraid. i am not blushing, for i don’t think i need blush about it, need i? but i see that i am out of place in society society is better without me. it’s not vanity, i assure you. i have thought over it all these last three days, and i have made up my mind that i ought to unbosom myself candidly before you at the first opportunity. there are certain things, certain great ideas, which i must not so much as approach, as prince s. has just reminded me, or i shall make you all laugh. i have no sense of proportion, i know; my words and gestures do not express my ideas they are a humiliation and abasement of the ideas, and therefore, i have no right and i am too sensitive. still, i believe i am beloved in this household, and esteemed far more than i deserve. but i can’t help knowing that after twenty-four years of illness there must be some trace left, so that it is impossible for people to refrain from laughing at me sometimes; don’t you think so?"