last question and i'm going to get into subjective i'd like to cover before the end it you talk about and seminar cannot star emotional came instead enacting and uh... did you use the nancy families and suffering yes experienced nightmares matter uh... yes and other people worse than it was for yourself and you were participant well you know abhorred for example if you follow me and my work you would see this very clearly in places like rwanda thoroughly sierra leon i'm working with people that have had their families some of those people have such rage that only lived for a moment by moment is the possibility of engines others have knowing had never had c_n_n_'s extended they had deep feelings not great so it is not the stimulus that determines how r u motion reaction that part is up to us i work with some women unfortunately a lot who've been raped and some of them feel shame deep shag some feel rage some field other things the same stimulus depends how people take it with me feel shame rage or other things working with the woman from rwanda meant she heard her three children being killed concei got underneath the sink hid underneath the sink in time children to make it to the hiding place in time they got killed she heard them your husband being you know brother she had to stay underneath it eleven days to save the life 'cause they stayed in the house after they killed and this woman has deep feelings but never once said she had the kind of thing that makes you want to get vengeance she's put all of her feelings and lots of into protecting preventing this happening to anybody else so the way she looked at it means here to want to prevent this happening to anybody else she came to my work yet because you want to have you with the rage toward her from other people in her trial who work here is we've heard it you don't want she will join their efforts killian faced in the last quite different reactions okay so i had a stimulus uh... to deal with him away had dealt with it and i'm going to change their house the worst thing of course would be no matter how you get used to deal with this to think it was something wrong with how you chose to do them not wanting us to get into one was right or wrong and just stand that no matter what happens to us the other persons responsible for what they do and i'm not saying the other person doesn't have a responsibility question about catholic and persons responsible for what they did what he did we're responsible for how we deal with that