love them what they want from other people to meet the needs of to see that it's impossible to meet them which brings us to the next step in the process how to make clear requests after we have expressed our unmet need and a clear request the finding giraffe is first it's a positive action we say what we do not what we don't want solar woman gave me a very good example of what happens when you say what you don't in a workshop she said he really help me understand what happened uh... recently marshall i said to my husband i don't want you spending so much time at work and then i got furious with him when he signed up for a golf tournament