let's get jericho becomes responsible still children first arrived here as i wouldn't want you to tell the lesser i just thought you until i had given that child all the empathy that child needed would guess it would be a lot store conceive myself doing with the long term care in this child's enormous pain as a result of this but then in the course of this i would be seeing this trial having some pain created by how they look at so i would see that they're creating pain on the top of pain but how they look bad after the child had all the empathy usually then i would do what i could to get them to t in a way that wouldn't we it consisted this is a baby japanese okay now what i'd like to do it up precious time that we have left to deal with a very important part of giraffe cuz i wouldn't want you to get the idea that the nonviolent communication is solely interested in conflict resolution because it's equally interested in celebration how could we celebrate life in fact the part that we have left for ten minutes before then in some respects the most important part because that's where we get the fuel two-state giraffe in a what's often a very jack list world so it's going to be pretty hard to make this radical transformation into back to our nature in many situations unless we're getting plenty of fuel now where does the fuel conference feel comes from someone bridge and what kind of celebration comes from saying thank you injury so let's see now in the last minutes how we celebrate by saying thank you injury expressing gratitude injury and first i'd like to remind you about jackal is jackals statement you get a good job on that paper you are very kind person you're a good dancer can you see why that's jack moralistic judgments positive moralistic judgments are equally as violent in my estimation is negative mainly the reinforce the idea that the negative exist pricing your kind person i'm inclined to such a thing as another kind person i'm also find it on the judgment knows the difference so no more praise a conference ok no more preserve conference actually when u_n_ cameras in the war that's the ultimate dehumanization use thank you as a reward to say that for the purpose of trying to reinforce something to get the person to continue doing simpson unit would put goes on and on will be in school punishment and rewards urinate compliment or praise for the purpose of reinforcement is giving the daughter something to me to reinforce a cruise were people are not for that treatment and it destroys the beauty thank you when people have to wonder business being sent out of that energy but it works what does jack studies in management indicate that is managers praise and compliment employees daily production goes on studies in school so that if teachers prison compliments to this day they worker we'll take another look at the res i think you'll see that that only works for a very short time until people see the manipulation and then it no longer works and it destroys the beauty of thank you because now you can not even trust gravity without wondering whether it's being used as a reinforcement as we reward well what about if i want a bill that the other person selfesteem what's wrong with that jackal you don't see the irony that what if the other person can only like himself when you compliment that they have no selfless users convicted them to your rewards that they only feel good when you say something about them they have no self-respect hazards arrested program first there's three things that are involved in the giraffe expression of gratitude that give us energy to keep being a jerk first thing in a giraffe expression of gratitude as we bring to this other persons attention concrete lee what they have done that has made life more wonderful for see that's what we need to do we need to bring our consciousness kind attention through the power of attorney one of us to make life more wild each of us busy powerhouse we have words that have the power to contribute to making people's lives more wonderful we have talked we can't cut people and waves that can make life more wonderful we can provide services for people we are powerhouses the more we remember will not get caught up in any violent game why would we use our energy anyway other than to make a lot of wonderful when we remember we have this problem so that's one thing we got to make clear in our expression of gratitude specifically what the person here nazim beg generality for example a woman in geneva switzerland came up to me at the end of the workshop here's what she said to me your brilliant has said that somehow disagreement i said you know man i have been called a lot of names in my life some positive and some farmers gram-positive and i can never recall learning anything valuable by somebody tell me what i i think there is zero information value and being told what you are and great danger you might believe it and assist it's just as dangerous to believe majors markers that you're stupid both of the reduce you to a thing were much more than either of those but i can see in your eyes did you want to expressing gratitude yes and i want to recently doesn't help me to be told what i have what do you need to hear what time do to make life more wonderful well here so intelligent uh... doesn't help doesn't help what can i do all i'd that had she opens up a notebook she showed me two things that i had said that she had written she put a big star c that helped me okay that helps me to know that somehow monster in those two things this person's life more so that's the first thing we need to say and appreciation we need to bring that to the person's attention concretely what they did they'd like more what at the moment we're giving the graphic to to say how we feel at that moment about the person having done that so i said to this woman could you tell me how you feel now as a result of my head and said those two things she said hopeful and really hopeful that gives me much more than telling me what i just to know that somehow my saying those two things wells person feels hopeful and now when i hear the third thing i'll be able to really enjoy this threat i said what needed years was fulfilled by my saying what i did