that's all human beings are ever saying. the only thing is jackal speaking people haven't learned to say plays in a suicidal way think about that from a what else is human beings ever sent except please you're behaving in a way that is a meeting nine these are my needs are not getting that by something else would you please do this to meet my needs it we need to know how to say that well to survive in the world when our needs are not getting that we need an out-of-state please in a way that makes it enjoyable for people to give it to us right this morning we learned how to do that just learn how to say what you were feeling make a clear request make sure that no words come out of your mouth would imply wrong that's on the part of other people do everything you can get promoted people to trust that when you make a request that has requested not to do and that increases the likelihood that people will enjoy getting to so weak we studied at this moment now the other half of the process is how to restrain from other people what's the live in them and what they are needing to make life wonderful however receive that without hearing any criticism order to hear what's the line and we need to learn how to do this either one of these other people are saying plea has been this range where we've been educated distinctly drop you are all speaking perfect giraffe for about a year so what i'm thinking about you're not a second language it to you first line bringing you back throughout to make sure to your first line so now the other how do you respond to a juggled please wanted jackal is expressing the please this way the problem with you is is that you are too that's please that person's input that person has a name that is in getting that isn't it sad that they only know that way to ask for is in that tragic for this person to be saying ploy is in a way that almost guaranteed you're not going to get what you're or if you do it's going to be motivated by fear guilt and shame and you're gonna pay for how sad to be educated that way of course it would be even sadder if when the person says please that way you don't hear the please you hear criticism that's when we have war somebody and paying as their best to express it person on the other end here is a tradition so let me tell you what the person that you're working on this morning all of the message is that i heard you relate what you predicted might say that here's what adhere to the person said i heard the person you're speaking with saying this back i mean play i have the needed is getting there that's what the person was staying in the message that you wrote down i'm in pain because in the united now hear that put on giraffe ears and say this back to the press are you feeling and guess what that person is feeling when they say would because you are in need and guess what their needs so i'm asking you to go back to the message that you predicted you might get back when it came out of the person that refers this to you and now if you had your air fares on here will be your reaction are you feeling guest appealing because you are needed destiny with direct ears all you can hear our feelings and needs you can hear no criticism number of years ago i was working with group of women in religious life and we have the conflict for some fifteen months it was creating great pain within their community and they asked me to help them resolve this and uh... as suggested that we begin by having everybody expressed loony sweat needs of yours are not getting in this situation and after the first speaker second word i could see why after fifteen months not only have they not been able to resolve the issue but what was causing increasing okay anybody gets with the second world but what was the second where first one was that i think that's as soon as i had the second word i can see why it with notice my question of them was what means of yours and not getting and instead of an answer i got i'd think immediately i knew here's what the rest of the message that i think that if we had to be in religious life we must take our commitment seriously and dressed as though intrested appropriate yes clooney that's what i got mad and then another religious is just that sister and i agree but i think fifteen months what was the issue the issue is whether to wear traditional clothing it's seniors fifteen months had not been able to resolve it effective prepayment fifteen mins community was divided as for the meeting and i got thoughts fall so took me awhile complete slim never to hear the phone unite here if new thoughts of the world