teacher gave me a similar examples he said that just yesterday marcia listen to this young boy please i don't want to tapping on your book while i'm talking so we started kaplan is dead saying what we don't want doesn't make clear what we do but worse than that if we frame our objectives and getting rid of some these departments very off makes violence and attractive when we try to get rid of some for example i was working with some teachers school in rockford illinois their observable behaviors they wanted to work on this on the average every three months thirty-eight bright broken windows in the school so we got down to the requester said what do you want different from the school it's obviously don't want to breaking windows you say you don't want to children breaking windows yes what should we do kill them research because demonstrated dead children break no windows and almost anytime we think of what we want to get rid of the things violence look attractive in a stupid is an example was i just gave me a but in the newspaper on any given day and see how many world leaders i think we're going to teach them not to we're going to get them to stop and they think the violence is going to be she's always makes my listing the track it's only as i said earlier when we get two questions clear what do we want people and what do we want their reasons to be for doing and i think we'll see violence networks okay so we want to say what we want to stay in the positive what do we want the other person what do we want them to start doing different and second that it needs to be clear action line can't do with this one wife did with her husband came to a workshop with she said i want you to listen to me when i thought he said i do miss no you don't yes i do you don't they told me that had the same conversation for eleven years the problem is with the wordless what does that we can use the word listeners need i have a need to be listed when we moved to pack request we really been speak action what specific action we want this person fit we can't use the verb to be i want you to be more friends that do we can't use feeling i want you to feel confident six that's not true so we need to be able to make very concrete requests try it out with were is under d in relation to what the other person did in your feelings that need to know in relation to the action an engineer talking directly to the person and express request using this for i would like you to what do you want the person to do to meet your needs i want you to in my instructions how see is the word i want you to do what i told i wanted to do what i told and if you are a giraffe you would get back to the person with a little car that said please do as i requested all moving if you can do so with the joy of the little child feeding the hungry dot please do not do as i request if there is any fear of punishment motivating please do not do as i request outperform for rewards that i will like it please do not do as i request argue chain duty obligation