how do you feel? when a person does what you wrote down under in write that down when you do this i feel angry saying there is a feeling created by a natural setting will get to that when here when you're not ready to leave at the agreed time i feel anxious and impatient when he speaks out bill intimidated intimidated is a diagnosis be careful of words that are more descriptions of other people if you think they're doing to you like intimidating right down the following is not feeling words matt mistake these words is feelings i feel misunderstood i feel use i feel manipulated i feel judged i feel criticized i feel ignored per example aren't there times when you think somebody's ignoring you don't you feel relieved and at other times don't you feel angry uses so of words like that really say very little about what's alive in you they say much more about how you are in pretty the other person's behavior and above all never mistake the word rejected it i feel dejected that's not feeling that's a suicidal interpretation okay who's got the mike tyson hurt disappointed dismantlement feel angry in the train and rehearse all all-party tray the trade is one of those words like intimidated ignored misinterpreted use manipulated more diagnosis of the other person than a few contracted contracted if you mean canceled like that okay them when you call me up and speaking of lead tell me you're going to cut off sunday until ingredients there when you leave the dishes in the same i feel powerless of remind fireman time which feels frustrating and scary when you start talking loudly in the middle of my sends how i feel hurt because the president here are not listening to me though the feeling is great that you're going to lose it when you fall of the word feel with the word because i think anytime you're thinking your chance to get what you need is greatly decreased especially when you follow the word think with the word you then i think you not only what you heard i predict the defense of the dress of reaction so going to be hard for people to care about your feelings when you follow that with the diagnosis that implies wrongs this is a warning for that next 'cause we're going to see you next that remit we went after the feelings there's two places we don't go and one is up to our hair restate in the heart the few we don't go up to them you stay in the heart and connect with needs but we'll get there want to use nonviolent communication we want to be sure that we do not use the ceiling in a violent way because feelings can either connect this at the heart or they can contribute two more division and violence so we certainly do not want to ever expressed our feelings in this way i feel as i do because you we never want to express our feelings this way you make me feel now that will be a hard habit to get away from because in a jackal culture feelings are very instrumental to using guild as a way of manipulating wait a minute pilate people as if you can convince them that they make you feel as you do then they should feel guilty and change it's another form of this wilensky so for example if you are a parent you want to use feelings in a violent way rather than a connecting with you express that this way it really hurts me when you don't clean up your room or you make me angry when you say that i was talking during the break about one of my happiest days is a parent when my oldest son went to a jackal school for the first time he had gone six years to address glue right helped create repent use i wanted him to learn how to enjoy jackals as well it and ensure at schools we also want to be aware that the children are not always going to be in the seven so we want them to learn how to stay with their own values week regardless of which structure there solely comes back the first day from school look less than half sir house a new school rip and he said it's ok dad who by some of those teachers as to what happened today i wasn't even in the front door really i was halfway through the front door and some and teacher comes running over and said is my ma with the little girl can you guess what the teacher was reacting yeah my son's here was down the shoulders c_n_n_ jackal spose we all know before he knows what's right see there's a right way to wear your hair is aboard and wrong right way to do everything and all of the teacher and then what do you do if somebody doesn't do it you sharing guild and so forth use the word guerrillas or someone's welcome to jackal land. so i'll get burned up ready to go to middle back therapy with the teachers mine teaches the and i said to my son, how did you handle it?