Cannot be taking out his anger on you. It is not healthy and it's not teaching your children to respect you. Either of you or other people as a matter of fact. How you treat each other as how your children are also going to treat you too. Might be part of the problem as to why he throws tantrums. Daddy does it so why can't he? 

That is how children think. Also I understand how hard it is. My son has ADHD severely and he also has o d d. O d d stands for Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Meaning he defies every single thing I tell him and does the opposite of what's right. There are days where I've had to hold him to the ground to keep him from punching himself in the face. I have done this by myself for 13 years. Parenting with a troubled child is a fucking nightmare to say the least. But it has to be done. I understand stress, because I have it every day. So what your husband needs to understand is there are healthier ways to deal with it rather than the way he's doing.