&gt; Rape play requires MORE consent not less. Otherwise it isn't play.

I just want to really hammer this point home, OP. 

I was raped while blackout drunk as a teenager. In addition, Consensual Non Consent (aka rape play) is something I am into. my husband has permission to wake me up with sex whenever he wants, but even so: he almost always waits until I am "awake" before actually beginning PIV. And we discussed it dozens of times before he even felt comfortable with the idea, wanting to be sure that I was okay with it.

Can reenacting your rape possibly help with the healing process? Maybe, but not with this guy. He's trying to get you to run a marathon when you're still working on running a mile without a break. 

This is dangerous territory, OP. Please be ever so cautious. I'm not going to say break up with him, but he's waving around a lot of red flags.