I have depression all of my life, i believe since 13, now i'm in my early 20s and i've been diagnosed by my ex-therapist with severe depression and anxiety. I started anti-depression meds over the last week but haven't seen any changes for the better.Currently i'm living a very dark chapter of my life, and i can't do anything. Essentially i have anhedonia but also feeling guilty that i don't do anything. I want to do something like read a book, watch a movie, study for my degree, search for work, but my thoughts go directly to "It's pointless", "how reading a book will get you out of this mess, that's partly your fault?" (I appreciate that my depression doesn't put all the blame on me hahaha), "you will 100% fail", "you are broken and not like the others", "you can't defend yourself if someone is trying to abuse your rights." etc.The only thing i do every day is go out and try to be surrounded by others in social settings all the time. It kinda relaxes me.  Wake up -> staying in bed for hours browsing mindless things on SM -> go out and return early the next morning -> sleep. Repeat.The difficult part is that my feelings enforce my thoughts and vice versa.