I have always been an (a below) average engineer. I was a good student during my school. In college I started getting inferiority complex. From there it has been a downward spiral.I work at FAANG and this is my third job. At second job I was fired, at first I was about to get PIP'd.In my current job I have high and low phases. I don't feel respected at my job and it has had severe effects on my self esteem. I have been anxious/ depressed for around a decade-- I am taking anxiety medicines and planning to start therapy.There are phases where I work with high motivation but it fades easily. I have found I work on my side things with interest but I am not a completer. I complete around 80% of things and then leave them.I am not sure I can keep working this way. Not having a good relationship with my manager (I never feel secured or that they have my back) has made me tired and don't know exactly what to do.