&gt;You and your wife are supposed to be the parents, but it sounds like you're treating your 13 year-old as your partner instead.

Ding ding ding. Not to mention the online activity is porn. He's encouraging his child to watch porn.  If any parent had posted on here saying "My spouse is encouraging our child to watch porn" all the responses would be "call CPS".  It's emotionally scarring for a child to be exposed to porn.  Sets them up for body image issues and sexual dysfunction - girls feel like they "have to" do sex acts they don't really want to because their boyfriends expect it (you're such a prude and uncool if you don't like anal/BDSM/violent blowjobs), and boys can suffer impotence and lack of desire for their girlfriends.  I remember a post not too long ago where a guy was saying he was unattracted to his girlfriend because her asshole was darker than the rest of her skin.  You know, like a normal person's.

Yes, kids need a modicum of privacy but it's a parent's responsibility to be aware of what their children are doing.  If OP's wife had found a suicide plan or a school shooting plan would he still be upset for "snooping"?

OP is trying to be supportive but he's going way over the line into "friend" instead of "parent" and setting up the "you &amp; me" against "mean old Mom".  I think he honestly feels closer to the kid because Mom is the 'adult' in the relationship, more prestigious job, makes more money, seems to be more rational in that she's not immediately on board with this sudden announcement.  They all need counseling.