Life does not end where your relationship does. Marriages are a nice fairy tale idea but people do change and it is 100% okay to say "Things are different and this is not what I want from this life anymore" I know it's hard when you've dedicated so much time and energy into this, but if he's refusing counseling and being a general chode, it's your best call to leave. You can STILL be happy, you can STILL find someone who genuinely cares about you. Your happiness and self worth is not anchored to your husband. Pursue happiness!