"until all this is over"
My friend, all this is over- it's time to start healing again. 

Do your best to move forwards and forget this idiot,  you're an incredibly strong woman and the way youre feeling is perfectly normal but you're too important to waste another moment stressing about HIS mistakes. 

I too have just ended a 4 year long relationship in a similar way, and the moment i realised it was her not me,  moving forwards became a ton easier. 

I know you've got this, we're all behind you !
Onwards and upwards.