I recently (in my late 30s) dealt with some repressed memories and am suffering C-PTSD as a result.  It's not easy and I feel your pain.

What my therapist tells me:  Guilt = I **did something** bad that I need to apologize for.  So apologize.  Did you?  Great, you're done.  Shame = I **am** bad.  That's patently untrue.

You mention "guilt for betraying her trust and shame for all the pain I have caused the person who matters most to me."  Let's break this down.

You did not betray your wife's trust in any way.  You came to terms with your trauma at your own pace, and told her when you were ready.  She may be a little disappointed that you didn't come to her immediately, but if so, that's a selfish (completely human) reaction; she might want to be the #1 person to help you.  But therapists exist for a reason.  If our spouses could fix all our problems, therapy wouldn't exist.  So please don't feel guilt for betraying her trust.

I understand you may feel guilt for causing her pain with your behavior.  This certainly wasn't your fault.  It was the result of your trauma.  But if you feel the need to apologize for specific actions you took, you can.  Then let it go so you can begin healing.

Shame, the feeling that you **are** bad, has no place here.  It sounds like you're a strong, resilient, brave man who loves his wife and is taking action to heal.  I admire you so much!  You can do this!

(Obligatory edit to say thanks for the gold!  I wish I could pass it on to my therapist.  Texting her now to tell her that her advice is helping others.)