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# How to Find a Mentor: What to Look For and How to Ask
by  | Jan 20, 2025 | 
January is **National Mentoring Month**, a time to recognize the life-changing impact of mentorship. Whether you’re starting your career, navigating a life or career transition, or approaching retirement and seeking clarity for your next chapter, the right mentor can make all the difference. This article will help you find and engage a mentor with confidence—so you can build a meaningful mentoring relationship that supports your growth and success.
> *“A mentor is not someone who walks ahead of you to show you how they did it. A mentor walks alongside you to show you what* ***you*** *can do.”  ~ Unknown*
Throughout my life, I’ve had the privilege of being mentored by incredible individuals who have guided me through educational and career transitions, personal growth, and defining moments in my life. These mentors have not only provided wisdom and encouragement but have also challenged me to think bigger, trust myself, and take bold steps forward.
Because of the impact mentorship has had on me, I am deeply passionate about and committed to mentoring others. It is one of the most rewarding aspects of my journey—being able to pay it forward by guiding and supporting others as they navigate their own paths.
Yet, with all the benefits mentoring provides, I know that seeking a mentor isn’t always easy. Many people hesitate because they don’t know how to ask or fear they might be a burden. If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. But I want you to know this: a great mentor can be life-changing, and finding the right one is worth the effort.
In one of my earliest blogs, , I shared some of the most valuable lessons I’ve gained from those who have mentored me. That article was written in 2020, and now five years later, I must say that I continue to learn from my mentors *and* mentees, and the lessons I gain from them support my growth both professionally and personally.
In this article, I want to spread my enthusiasm for mentoring to as many people as I can. I want to help you take the first step in finding a mentor by exploring:
* When to engage a mentor
* What to look for in a great mentor
* How to approach and ask someone to be your mentor
* Questions to ask a mentor that deepens the conversations
* How to be a great mentee
If you’ve been considering finding a mentor but weren’t sure how to start, this will help you feel more comfortable and confident in the process.
### **When to Engage a Mentor**
A mentor can be incredibly valuable at any stage of life, but especially during times of transition. Some of the best times to seek mentorship include:
* When you’re starting a new career or entering a new industry
* When stepping into leadership for the first time or elevating to the next level
* When navigating a career change or considering entrepreneurship
* When you’re feeling stuck and unsure of your next step
* When preparing for retirement and seeking purpose beyond work
* When acquiring a new skill or hobby
A mentor can help you see possibilities you may not have considered and offer insights that make the journey smoother. I’ve partnered with a mentor on all those reasons, and more. My mentors have also challenged me and helped me to confront limiting beliefs and old narratives that once held me back.
### **What to Look for in a Great Mentor**
Not every accomplished person will make a great mentor for you. The best mentors:
* Have experience in the area you need guidance and support.
* Share your values and align with your goals.
* Are great listeners who ask insightful questions rather than just giving advice.
* Are selfless—they genuinely want to see you grow and succeed. They offer guidance and support with your best interests in mind.
* Have a growth mindset and are open to learning from you as well.
* Encourage you to think for yourself rather than providing all the answers.
The best mentoring relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and shared learning.
### **How to Approach and Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor**
One of the biggest challenges in finding a mentor is knowing how to ask. Many people feel awkward about it, but approaching someone with authenticity and clarity can make it easier. Here are some things to keep in mind:
1. **Build the relationship first.** Remember, mentorship is a relationship, not a transaction. Engage with the potential mentor—follow their work, attend their talks, or comment on their insights before making a direct ask. In other words, getting to know them, their work, values, and how they treat others can be super helpful as you discover whether they’d be a great match for you.
2. **Be clear and specific.** Instead of just saying, *Will you be my mentor?* (which can feel like a big ask), try something like this: *I admire your expertise in [specific area]. That’s something I’d like to learn more about. Would you be open to a short conversation where I could ask for your insights?*
3. **Make it easy.** Suggest a brief initial meeting (30 minutes over coffee or a virtual chat). If the conversation flows, a mentoring relationship may develop naturally.
4. **Express gratitude and set expectations.** If they agree to mentor you or follow up with additional meetings, thank them and discuss how often you’d like to connect (monthly, quarterly, etc.).
Most successful people are open to mentorship because they’ve benefitted from it themselves. The key is to approach them with respect and clear intention.
### **Questions to Ask a Mentor**
Okay, you’ve secured a mentoring match. Now what? A great mentoring relationship is about meaningful conversation and learning. The best conversations emerge over time, unfolding naturally as the mentoring relationship grows. Rather than asking everything at once, let your conversations evolve, allowing deeper insights to surface. Here are some meaningful questions to explore with your mentor as your relationship develops:
* *What key experiences shaped your career/life path?*
* *What mistakes have taught you the most?*
* *How have you learned to handle failures or setbacks?*
* *How do you approach big decisions?*
* *What habits have contributed to your success?*
* *What books, podcasts, or other resources have been the most valuable to you?*
* *What’s one piece of advice you wish you had received earlier?*
* *How might I be helpful to you?*
Asking thoughtful questions helps you gain deeper insights and build a stronger connection with your mentor.
### **How to Be a Great Mentee**
Seeking a mentor is an intentional act, and before you approach someone, it helps to reflect on *why* you want mentorship. What are you hoping to gain? What areas of your life or career do you want to grow in? Taking time for introspection allows you to seek out the right mentor and ensures that the relationship is meaningful.
A great mentee also understands that mentorship is not just about receiving advice—it’s also about being open, engaged, and willing to grow. Here’s how you can be a great mentee:
1. **Be prepared.** Come to each meeting with questions, topics, or Aha’s you’d like to discuss.
2. **Take action.** Apply what you learn and share with your mentor how their advice has helped you.
3. **Respect their time.** Keep meetings focused and don’t expect your mentor to solve every problem for you.
4. **Be vulnerable.** When trust is established—even as a way to establish trust—be willing to share challenges you’re facing, uncertainties, insecurities, and areas where you feel stuck. True growth happens when you’re open to learning and feedback.
5. **Give back.** Find ways to add value—whether it’s offering a fresh perspective, sharing insights from your own experiences, or simply expressing appreciation. Remember, your mentor is also learning more about themselves and their lives through you.
6. **Stay open to feedback.** Great mentors will challenge you—not just tell you what you want to hear. Accept constructive feedback with a growth mindset.
A strong mentoring relationship is built on mutual trust, learning, and growth. The more intentional and engaged you are as a mentee, the more rewarding the experience will be.
I opened this article sharing how valuable mentoring has been to me, as a mentor and mentee, and how much I’ve learned and grown through the relationships. Finding a mentor may feel intimidating at first, but I can say from experience, it’s one of the most valuable relationships you can cultivate. My mentors have helped shape my career, encouraged me through challenges, and helped me grow in ways I couldn’t have imagined on my own—perhaps in ways they don’t fully realize either. And in mentoring others, I’ve found incredible fulfillment in supporting their journeys. I’m confident you will find a great mentor who will help you continue to grow and succeed.
### Call to Action:
If you’ve been considering finding a mentor, now is the time to take that first step. Reflect on what you need, identify someone you admire, and start the conversation. You might just find a relationship that changes your life.
If you know someone who would benefit from this article, please take seven seconds to share it with them now and invite them to  today.
And if you’re curious about some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from my mentors over the years, read my earlier blog, . It might give you even more insight into how powerful mentorship can be.
**Exciting News!** I’m now offering a **30-minute complimentary coaching session** to help you jumpstart your journey to living Your Aha! Life. . I’d be honored to assist you in navigating your life or career transition and creating the life you desire – a life with more joy, more purpose, and more fulfillment!
This is the year of inner peace, harmony, and *Equanimity.*
Tonya
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