I feel this so much. Last summer I was extremely depressed and going through bouts of suicidal thoughts. One night I was sitting on my couch and just thought about how I just wanted it all to stop and to just leave, to ‘go home.’ I wasn’t manic, I was very calm with that train of thought. Which is what made the more rational voice jump in. It was late, but I got up and just walked around the neighborhood until I started thinking of other things.