The time was 4:30am.  It was dark and a little chilly with the sun not yet up.  Perhaps that's why they call it Black Friday, but my money was on the delicate hint of malice in the air as I stood shoulder to shoulder with  veteran soccer moms with steel and fire glinting from their eyes, Scowling teenagers and college students bubbling with nervous energy and the occasional hen-pecked dad who got talked into dealing with shopping insanity as some sort of a special treat before trudging off to the salt  mines for the day.

There were at least five hundred infantry ahead of me and five hundred behind me and our numbers kept growing.  There were scattered bits of conversation but most of us were silent, contemplating the chaos we were about to charge into for the sake of our families, our friends, our lovers.  But mostly for the sake of savings.  We glanced ahead and behind, sizing up the competition, mentally calculating our strategies for navigating the battlefield.  We were at least a battalion strong.  Perhaps a regiment by the time the doors would open.  And it would be every man woman and child for themselves.

Occasionally, someone would open a wallet or a purse, checking and rechecking their ammunition, occasionally running a finger along the edge of a bank card or bill to make sure they maintained their razor edge.  Slowly, we began to march forward and the slow but steady trudge was a stark contrast to the sense of frantic urgency that crackled in the morning air.  Not all of us could walk away victors, but all of us were determined to try.

Then something happened.  Something I would have never expected.  As we approached the double glass doors, we were greeted by another army.  With their bright blue uniforms, they could have been UN peacekeepers.  They handed us each a large plastic bag and ushered us into the store with bleary eyed smiles.  The fear and tension started to lift.  I have been at Toys R Us on Christmas eve.  I have seen the very worst of Holiday spirits and I was ready to face them again all for the sake of an (CENSORED) that (CENSORED) just had to have.

Yes the store was crowded.  But there were so many helpful, indeed cheerful sales attendants on hand that most of us shoppers just melted into a gentle wave of requests which were quickly and cheerfully met before anyone could get bent out of shape or stressed out.  A sales clerk simply asked me to wait for a moment while she located a reserve ticket for the doorbuster item I had stood in line for.  One minute and fifteen seconds later she returned with a document which guaranteed me my desired item at the desired price to be delivered to me as I left the store.  Another clerk helped me locate the other items I needed and I was done with my shopping within ten minutes.  

Of course it took another hour or so to work through the serpentine line at the checkout but all of us were so relieved at how painless and indeed bloodless the shopping experience had been. We were more than happy to stand in line waiting for the opportunity to plunk down our hard earned cash on the latest objects of technolust that had caught the eyes of our loved ones.  We left tired.  And we left poor.  But I dare say most of us left happy and for that Best Buy and the entire Best Buy army have my eternal gratitude.  Thanks for taking the ass out of Christm.