Before the lockdown, I used to shower in the morning, drive, get greeted by the coffee shop person, saying hello to my workmates, go to team lunches every one or two weeks and hike on weekends.It's all been eroding slowly to a point that I can't recognize myself anymore. When Google sends me the notification to re-discover photos from early last year or the year before, I curl up in bed and sob for hours.Yes, I asked for professional advice and it didn't help. The different medicines only made me sleepy and unable to focus, none made me un-depressed.I even took two month vacation of road trip to another state.I've lost many friends due to my mood change that made me turn rude or say strange things when talking to them over the phone, and many stopped talking altogether by themselves since the lockdown started. I haven't been out with friends for almost a year now. Everyone either goes out with their close friends and family or goes into "strong isolation" and don't meet anyone outside their household.Software engineering we got hit the hardest. Now when I go outside it seems like almost all the rest of society is back to regular on-site work except us. In my case I am more or less in solitary confinement even if it has YouTube in it. I can no longer enjoy music or movies and while I always had 1-2 active books at a time, I haven't read a book in over 4 months now.PSA: Do not use the depression/suicide line. What they do is, without telling you, once they sense a certain threshold in your words or of that who called them (e.g. girlfriend), send the police, get you arrested in front of your neighbors, handcuffed behind your back, searched in the public and put in the police cruiser until an ambulance takes you handcuffed too, and that's where round 2 of humiliation starts in the psych ward. If you are alone, you'll have no chance at all of easily getting out of there.In the worst case you'll get shot like Vanessa Marquez or Walter Wallace.