Telkom why you do this. *pepehands* 
Hi Telkom,

First of all, I don't expect you to read this. Because I know you wont. Maybe someone will get a laugh out of it.. maybe I'm just trying to look busy at work with an important e-mail.

Secondly, I want to congratulate you for making it nearly-impossible to actually lodge a complaint on your official website, call center or any other virtual platform. You have done a great job at re-directing customers around and around until you eventually realize that your going nowhere fast. By the way, I sat in your online chat for nearly 2 hours waiting for one of your "friendly operators" to respond. Worst date ever. 

I eventually got to a down detector site and oh boy.. let me tell you.. the complaints are coming in faster than a speeding Taxi filled with ZCC members on their way to an annual Moria holiday. Every time I refresh the page, those things multiply like C'roaches in a Sunnyside flat. And the best thing is.. nobody cares. Nobody gona' read those things. 

I saw your "award-winning" trouble shoot guide and I have to say.. I dont know who awarded you anything on that. Maybe you showcased this guide to a bunch of 12-year-olds and they liked the nice pictures and gave you a golden star. Something tells me Telkom staff awarded that, to you. Kinda like a circle-jerk ya know? Like a Minister of Finance appointing himself a performance bonus.

My internet speed sucks. Yes, I've restarted my router. Yes, I've unplugged it for 5 minutes. Yes, I've checked all my cables. It's not normally like this but it's gone down since Sunday. I need my internet speed to be fluid. When it's slow, I cant react fast enough when trying to compete online. Resulting in my friends telling me I'm trash. I try to blame my ping but no one believes me. I end up crying in my pillow at night. Feeling unfulfilled. I cant even try to make myself feel better by jacking it because my p*rn isnt even HD! Whose gona get aroused by 140p tiddies?! Not me! this isnt 1995! 

Please. I pay every month. I need to click heads. I need to live a life where I can stream Netflix anime like a weeb. I'm a Diamond player but because of your poor connection, I am once again stuck in Gold. I cry. I want to watch American Idol and be able to see Simon Cowell's nose hair again.  

Give me back my normal internet speed. 