It sounds like you need therapy, to be honest. Violent outrage (seeing red) when you're upset and flying off the handle is really toxic in a relationship. It's likely something you can unpack and handle while in therapy, which would be a great sign of strength and desire to improve to her family.

Something for you to consider - do you find yourself longing for her because she is your only relationship? It can be really easy to fall back onto the things that are comfortable for you, especially a SO. 

you mentioned all the things she's doing to improve her life, so what have you done to improve after these past months?