You've got it man. You need to tell her that you know it won't fix things, but what you said to her comes from how you feel about yourself. That she's not trash, it's how you feel about yourself in your very being.

Are you doing therapy or have you looked up anger management tips online? You can totally overcome this. It's a ton of *really* hard work, but on the other side is a new life where you feel like a totally different, actually happy person.