I think you are very brave and authentic in telling her this painful part of your life. I am a 53 year old woman, mother of three. I was sexually assaulted at 13. I never told a soul about it until the Brett Kavanaugh crap, when my brother said " why would she not come forward til now? Shes lying. Nobody would keep an assault like that a secret for so long." And then i told him.  Took all the wind outta his hot air bag. You keeping this horror to yourself is not unusual. We all process this crap our own way. Youve done nothing wrong. You can get thru this, and i would suggest talking to a therapist.  I wish you the best and want ypu to know that what happened was not your fault. At all.