Look OP, I don’t know you and I know even less about your relationship, but my concern is that you’re too eager to please and it can cause you a lot of problems.

Firstly, when you say “we” decided to open the relationship, and then you follow by saying you learned so much from it while in the same breath admitting that it left you an anxiety-riddled mess... whose idea was it to open the relationship, really? Yours or hers? Because it sounds like it was hers, and you just went along with it to please her while suffering immensely as a result. Obviously I could be totally wrong though and it was your idea to see other women while seeing her..?

Then, If not her banging other men, then what was it that caused your depression otherwise? I’m genuinely curious as you don’t go into much detail here.

Lastly, did you manage to get the closure you were hoping for from your last conversation with her? Please do let us know how it went.