text: No doubt over the next few days and weeks, children across the UK – and the world – may be asking and wondering about life, death and what it means now Queen Elizabeth II has died.
  On the evening of Thursday 8th September, Buckingham Palace announced the death of Queen Elizabeth II after a historic 70 year reign. For children who have this year just celebrated the Platinum Jubilee, and who will be gaining more awareness about the world around them, it is natural to ask questions and be inquisitive about what this means, and the changes ahead.
  It’s important to remember that during this time, children will pick up on what’s going on around them, whether it’s from overhearing things on the news, snippets of conversations between adults or talk in the playground – kids take in more than we realise, and when not addressed or explained, this can affect their emotional wellbeing.
  Why do the deaths of prominent figures hit us hard?
  Whether you’re a fan of the royal family or not, there is no denying that the death of Queen Elizabeth II will resound round the world. Logically, we know it doesn’t make a lot of sense to feel sad about the death of someone we didn’t really know on a personal level, but according to psychologists, the grief we feel is very real – and it’s all thanks to our memories.
  Celebrities or public figures that have been prominent in our lives become a repeat figure in our minds – and this can often make them appear to be immortal. Queen Elizabeth II has been a huge part of all our lives, and for many of us, a prominent figure since we were born – when these prominent figures die, it can really hit us, and cause us to remember that death happens to everyone. It causes us to question our own immortality, and grieve as we would someone we knew in real life.
  How might our children be feeling?
  Depending on the age of your child and their understanding of death, there may be some confusion around what has happened. For a younger child, they may not understand why this is suddenly huge news that everybody is talking about or why things around them seem to be different.
  For older children, it may bring about anxieties of death, bringing this topic to the forefront of their minds. They may think ‘well, if the Queen can die, who else might die?’ It is important to talk to children about what they have heard or seen and ask them how they’re feeling about what’s in the news.
  How to talk to children about death
  It’s a topic that no one likes talking about, but one that children will often wonder about and ask questions about. Over the next few weeks, it will be natural for your child to ask about what has happened to the Queen, what it means when we die or what will happen when we die.
  Here are our tips on how to talk about death with children:
  1. Ask them what they think and know first
  Ask your child about what they’ve heard or what they know first, as this will help you build your answer. They may already know more than you realise.
  2. Use simple, clear words
  When we talk about death, it’s almost innate within us to use euphemisms such as ‘passed on’ or ‘gone away,’ but research shows that using realistic words helps children to come to terms with death much more easily. It’s ok to use words like ‘death’ or ‘died,’ as these are words that they will hear as they go through life.
  3. Be comfortable saying ‘I don’t know.’
  You don’t have to have all the answers, no one does. If your child asks something you’re not sure about, say you’re not sure but you’ll try to find out. Being honest is better than making something up.
  4. Avoid the phrase ‘ gone to sleep.’
  Avoid saying that someone ‘has gone to sleep,’ or ‘gone away,’ as this can make children fear going to sleep at night, or fear you leaving them.
  5. Share discussions about emotions regularly
  Death can be a confusing subject and can bring about a lot of anxiety for some children. During this period, or any period when someone you know dies, be sure to open the channels of communication regularly. Ask your child how they’re feeling and if there are any questions that they have about what is happening. It is best to do this when they are feeling relaxed and undisturbed.
  If you would like to explore the subject of grief and loss with your child in more detail, you can download our free eGuide here:
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