text: Okay, I know this is shallow, but I've got to get it off my chest.
  Back in my high school days, my friends plucked their eyebrows. Every now and then I would attempt it, not knowing what I was trying to accomplish and usually quit once I got a good one or two eyebrow hairs out. Let's face it. OUCH.
  One time I mentioned this eyebrow plucking thing to a person who I would consider a fashion diva of our high school. I can't tell you who died and left her in charge of what was in (I think it was the fact that her mother let her shop with her credit card so she got whatever she wanted) but I must have thought I would appear cool to talk about eyebrows.
  She said, "But Jamie, you have perfect eyebrows. Why would you worry about them?" Good enough for Diva, good enough for me. I never worried about my eyebrows again.
  It just occurred to me that she might have been disparaging me and I missed it. I shall continue as if that wasn't the case.
  Fast forward ten years. I've just had my third baby. I'm feeling ugly. I've gone to a friend for a simple haircut. After all, while in labor I lost a half a head of hair and the rest needs to be balanced out. "Friend" talks me into highlights...Just a few...Just to lighten things up.
  Next thing I know this friend has offered to do a free eyebrow wax, "just to clean them up. Not super thin or anything."
  I'm wondering what's wrong with my perfect eyebrows. I submit because when this friend starts nagging about something, she doesn't stop and it was free.
  I walked out of there thinking I was something else. I pranced all over town with large red welts surrounding my brows.
  And ever since, I've fretted about them. I've tried to maintain with the tweezers. I lost. So now I pluck stray hairs and wish for another free wax. I eye every woman my age and analyze their eyebrows. THEY ALL HAVE THESE CRAZY THIN LITTLE EYEBROWS.
  I'm pretty sure they talk about my caterpillar eyebrows when I'm not there. They must at least think about it. When I had mine done I noticed everyone who hadn't. I wondered how I'd never noticed it before. And I hate how shallow it has made me that I think about it.
  I wish Diva was still in charge.