41_https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSHbCBfkLcE_unidentifiable
gpt
So, thank you for coming in today.
human
Yes.
gpt
How are you feeling today?
human
I feel great actually.
gpt
Yeah? Good.
human
Yeah.
gpt
Good.
human
I feel good.
gpt
And so you did your clarifications, value clarifications-
human
Yeah.
gpt
-and what are your top five?
human
Yes. It was a good, uh, experience for me. It was different. It was different than usual. There were several things that were different, and, uh, the number one value that I put was self-respect. And I-I don't even know if self-respect has ever been in my top five let alone my number one.
gpt
Really?
human
Yeah. And, um—
gpt
Do you have any idea why that is?
human
I do have an idea, I think, why that is. Um, I think that there's been a few things that have happened recently and something that really came to my awareness, when I visited with my family, is that I have consistently through my whole life, probably, put other people first. And I have consistently, uh, almost not even considered myself in the equation. It was, uh, kind of sad in a way, at the time that I realized it. Uh, I didn't realize how severe it actually was, but I was kind of glad that I realized it because I feel like it's never too late to change-
gpt
True.
human
-and I feel like I can- I can, uh, respect and value myself just as much as I have other people. I know that's important. And I feel like when I do that, I'm a better person for other people as well.
gpt
Mm-hmm. By not putting yourself on the back burner so much?
human
Yeah.
gpt
Yeah.
human
Because I get stressed, I get resentful, I get overwhelmed and, uh, out of- out of alignment, I guess, out of sorts.
gpt
Mm-hmm.
human
And I can't be the best- the best me possible.
gpt
For someone else?
human
Yeah.
gpt
For your family?
human
For myself or for someone else, either way, yeah.
gpt
You think it is so much of a fact that you put yourself on the back burner that you were neglecting yourself, or that you were putting others so much before you that you just didn't even think about yourself?
human
I-it's almost-- Like, I think that some people might not even think that I put that first, but in my mind and my emotions, I was carrying concern about what other people think, and I was letting that concern dictate my actions. Instead of letting my own values dictate my actions, I was letting what I thought other people wanted me to do to dictate my actions.
gpt
Wow.
human
And that's something that I had done for so long, literally since I was a child, that I didn't even know I was doing it.
gpt
There's so much of your-- Part of your paradigm?
human
Yes, yes.
gpt
So, do you think sometimes you weren't even aware
human
Not aware at all. Completely unaware. Totally unaware, yeah. And so to me, I feel like it's a celebration. I used to, uh, moan and complain about my childhood and about all the things that I didn't get to have, and all the cruel, mean things that people said and did, and I felt-- I feel like I had this aha moment where I realized that I could be my own parent, and I could give myself the things that weren't given to me, now. I can give myself a voice. I can give myself an opinion. I can live like that, if I want to. Nobody's stopping me from it, only me.
gpt
Yeah.
human
So, that's what I want to do.
human
Mm-hmm.And it's the first time in my life I haven't felt guilty for saying that.
gpt
The very first time that you can remember?
human
I would say so, yeah. I don't know if I've ever said that in front of people and not felt the least twinge of guilt for it. [chuckles]
gpt
That's not a selfish thing.
human
No-
gpt
Right.
human
-it's not, it's really not.
gpt
Cool, that's great.
human
Yeah.
gpt
Yeah. And so you felt you came about this change, and-and-and how does it make you feel?
human
Well, it makes me feel jubilant. It makes me feel joyful. It makes me feel hopeful. It makes me feel like I count, like I matter. Uh, it makes me feel like I'm going to be able to do what I want to do with more joy and more passion, and less dread and a sense of responsibility, because one of the things that kind of happened along the way I really didn't notice, is that, um-- Like, let's say for example I like being a teacher or I like being a teacher or I like being a counselor to a certain degree but because of all the shoulds and all of the sense of responsibility and all of the caring about what people think, I started to lose joy doing things I actually enjoy doing.
gpt
Because you're- felt so obligated.
human
Yes, because it turned into an obligation instead of just really really a sense of like you know passion you know. My passion is gone completely. I don't know I'm just happy to, I feel like I got back in touch with myself. It's like I was like lost for a while and now I'm like back again, yes, now I remember why I wanted to do this or like why this is important to me because it is actually one of my values to be and help, but it just has to be, uh, balanced.
gpt
Yeah, is that on your top five also
human
No, but um, the other ones I have on there, uh are, number two, inner harmony. For the same reason, like I feel like I need to harmonious within myself before I can be harmonious with other people.
gpt
You get peace with yourself?
human
Yes, and then I put family happiness.
gpt
That's very good.
human
Yes, because I think that when I'm at peace with myself, uh, that automatically contributes to my family happiness. When I am unhappy with myself, I bring my unhappiness to my family.
gpt
Sure.
human
Uh, yeah, when I don't have self-respect and I am only giving my family a say on who I am and what I should do, I'm angry at them, I quarrel them.
gpt
You feel resentful.
human
I resent them, I really do, when I am in the mode. But when I just say, "Hey, I'm a person of this family and I deserve this much time and energy and attention and just more than anybody else," I don't care, you do what I do I do what I do life goes on [chuckles].
gpt
Right.
human
And then I have health and achievement, and to me, this one on achievement says a sense of accomplishment and to me that kind of goes along with what we were talking about earlier like I think I can show up and be a teacher and be a counselor in many different, uh, capacities. I could be your- I could be- I could be a teacher and I could be a really bad teacher. I could still be a teacher you know, I could show up an I could just do a really poor job and I could go home and I probably could keep my job for a while, it wouldn't be the first time right?
gpt
Right.
human
But I don't feel good about that.
gpt
You don't feel fulfilled.
human
No.
gpt
Like you've done anything helpful.
human
Right, right.
gpt
It's because you showed up and you gave out
human
It's not enough for me to just show up and get my paycheck. That doesn't, I don't feel fulfilled so it-it, that's the way I see it going together with the helping. It's not just about helping to like look good or to exhaust myself or do what I think I should do but to really give something needy, something substantive, something real.
gpt
Meaningful.
human
Yeah, meaningful, even if it's-it's small.
gpt
Sometimes it's the small things that really count, too.
human
Yeah.
gpt
So all of these things put together feel like right now at this point in life, that it is really healthy change for you, like where you are right now.
human
Yeah. Yeah.
gpt
That's great and is there anything else on the list you felt like it was coming close to some of the other top five that you had or something similar?
human
Well, one of the things about this list that kind of surprised me is almost every time I have done this list, uh, creativity and freedom have been really high up there. And it didn't even make it to my top five. It was in my top 12.
gpt
Uh-uh.
human
But I think the conclusion that I came to is that I can be more creative and have more freedom if I have inner peace and self-respect. Part of what- part of what binds me, part of what takes my freedom away is when I just explain all over the place and I don't give any attention to myself. Part of what steals my creativity is when I'm- my mind is reeling around in stress and I am not- I can't even hear myself. I can't even hear myself think. How can you be creative if you can't even hear yourself?
gpt
All the chattering.
human
Yeah, exactly, to me the creativity comes from the silence, comes from the quiet. It's literally-- I can just be in silence for even if for a few moments. It's amazing the ideas that come to me so quickly and so easily that would take me hours to figure out if I'm stressing.
gpt
Thank you so much for sharing.
human
Thank you, thank you for listening.