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 == All words with a ""T"" are now property of the totally authentic horse-ridin' arrow-shootin' Turks == 

 I knew this would be a hot one.  I don't expect you to trust the Jews...Turks already invented monotheism, you guys didn't need literacy or anybody but your great selves.  But how dare those Armenians steal your ""T"" words!  Obviously the Jews were getting deported to Armenia and sort of looked up to them and the Iberians and Kossags and Chechens.  No way would we scribble little codewords like ""Togarmah"" which refers to Armenia and the Cimmerians in about six different ways.  And why would we mention the Medes?  Turks never made friends with a filthy Iranian.  All us Jews we just knew we had to get thousands of miles east to join forces with you guys.  Even in 700 BC the Chinese were totally aware of who you guys were and in no way were you slow to evolve a distinct culture...you guys were just right off the bat doing everything big and totally Turkish.  

 Hell, the Jews were actually Turks too!  All the semites were! Shabat and Sabir and Habiri look kind of Turkish, right?   

 Plus...you guys were the Egyptians.  And the Aztecs.  And probably the Mormons too.     

 How about the shroud of Turin?  I see a T, U, R...it's RACIALLY PURE TURK AND NO ONE CAN QUESTION YOUR MOTIVES BECAUSE IN TURKEY IT IS ILLEGAL!  AND IT IS RACIST BECAUSE ONLY YOU GUYS CAN BE RACIST!  (Lotta racism in Turkey.  Didn't realize you guys were so down on everybody.  You guys like those ISIS guys?  Are you guys gonna start torture-murdering Assyrians and Greeks and Armenians and Kurds again?  Just remember to start a war first.  And keep America sweet because your opium contract might go Kazakstan and they are just peasants compared to you guys.)  

 Why do you guys do sick shit like that?  Everybody likes the Armenians.  The Assyrians get a bad rap but I sure bet they'd send any ""Ordu"" (you guys even stole your army word from the Mongols?  Also...why do they always beat you when there's more of you, and war is the only think you guys find impressive?) 

 So you guys are awesome.  You were: the Sumerians, Etruscans, the Hittites, the Japanese, those super-cool Scythians...who else...oh, you guys were the Greeks and the Trojans too.  The Vikings...the Alans (cuz that Roman guy said they were cute...that's all that matters).  ALL YOU NEED IS A CYNICAL ATTITUDE AND A PATENT ON EVERY TURKISH WORD...because dudes like the Huns weren't about conquest and shit...they were about linguistic purity.  At least the Goths aren't those evil Aryans, right?  Cuz no way do you guys like Hitler.  What's he next to Timurlane, right?   

 Yeah Siberia can TOTALLY support an enormous Turkish population and right off the bat you guys knew ""TURK"" was the word to hang your hat on.  No way were you I mean, everybody has fond memories of the Ottoman empire.  Sure you guys were more Jews, Armenians, Arabs, Serbs, Circassians, Kurds...And yeah you guys started in Anatolia and You Turks are really making Ataturk's dream come true.  You gotta tell the world they're Turkish and they just didn't know it.  Oh yeah we'll believe you guys.  Just keep posting EVERYWHERE.  Get really offended.  Embarrass all the normal Turks.  Keep at it.  Yeah yeah yeah    

  
 YEAH!"