" 
 :::Sorry for taking so long to reply. I wrote this long reply yesterday and ended up discussing a little of what I've been working on, when I had an insight and went with it. Why I'm going to close my account is complicated. It's part of a much larger thing. In a month or two I'll be beginning the process of fashioning a new identity by changing my legal name. I was born a nominal member of an incredibly pretentious and loathsome family, homeowners and club members in an exclusive zip code and the like. They disowned me when I was five years old, when my mother divorced my father, and I grew up in a lower middle class income household. When we had contact I was more often than not treated like an illegitimate mistake and a servant because even though my lineage was theoretically superior these parvenus had a great deal more money than my mother's family and it made them feel powerful to badly treat their social betters where it matters and whenever they could get away with it. I'm in my early 30s and still have their hateful name, which I haven't been able to speak for years, and live in the same state. What I read on my driver's license is not a name but a curse.  

 :::My identity here is still an aspect of that. It's still poor me looking at my pedigree and telling myself I'm better than them, hoping my long dead grandmother will come and save me and put them in their place. She was prevented and it has all been over for many years now. I also realize it's meaningless because I don't belong to Society even if I theoretically could. My mother could join the Daughters of the American Revolution but she hates all of that. Society can go fuck itself. I'll make my own. 

 :::This loathsome family are not one of those I have mentioned here before, who are at least of minor note. In this case I'm talking about nobodies, corporate scum and their brood, tennis people. Fuck them and their Pretentious Island Club. My mother turned down an offered membership because they don't admit Jews and Blacks or any ethnic people and she has some ethnic friends, and because she didn't need it. Her family were established before it existed and my pretentious ""grandpa-to-be"" showing off his Rockefeller cocktail buddy (actually a good guy) didn't help because it artificially lowered her relative status even further. This event contributed greatly to my later being disowned.   "