Hello good sir, 
 I am King Dick McLong of Pelican Island. You must not live on Pelican Island or else you would know me and all the good things I do for my people. So quit being an arrogant little shit or I will be forced to bring my armies to your house and skull fuck you in the ass. I'm sure you understand me. Thank you so very much for your time. 

 Very respectfully and with love, 

 King Dick McLong of Pelican Island