There comes a time in our lives when we have to decide what we truly want. For example, I want an infinite supply of Kit-Kats, a fashion sense Noel Fielding would be envious of, and for RT to finally release Day 5. For the characters of RWBY, I imagine they’d want things to stop being so sad and “oh god we’re about to die”-y all the time. Hang in there guys, the beach episode is coming, I’m sure of it! In this week’s recap of pain, Ruby goes to bizarre lengths to save her sister’s soul, Raven Branwen continues to exceed parental expectations in a way John Winchester would be proud of, and Pyrrha can’t escape her destiny, fall leaves, or montages. For previous episode recaps check out the RECAP MASTERPOST, but for your chance to win a shiny new set of steak knives, click the KEEP READING below!

Cheers (all eleven seasons) to all those who read, laughed, liked, reblogged, shared, commented, absorbed via osmosis, snorted, sauteed with a side of mushrooms, took a magic carpet ride with, defeated seven evil exes for, suffered through Battle Before Dawn on Hector Hard Mode for, or genetically spliced a fly’s DNA with tragic results with last week’s recap. We’re two thirds into the season, which means - if my math isn’t failing me - we’ve got four episodes left, and if they’re anything like these last three, we’re in for a hell of a ride. Or, again, beach episode arc. Don’t think the traumatised fanbase would mind at this point, really.

We begin the episode in Team RWBY’s dorm, as the team suffers through the comedy stylings of General James “Kramer” Ironwood.

As you’d expect, the team is busy protesting Yang’s innocence - sans a silent Blake, who refuses to protest for anything less than an actual thing worth protesting, like a race war, or the unjust cancellation of the CW show Reaper.

Thankfully, Yang isn’t, y'know, in jail or anything, and the whole thing’s being chalked up to stress and adrenaline. Ironwood relates the idea of seeing things on the battlefield - or after - while rubbing his potentially robot arm, so, y'know, hinty hint hint of some kind there.

But in the end, it doesn’t matter if Yang believes Mercury attacked her first. The whole world saw otherwise, and the outcry’s worse than after Janet Jackson performed at the Superbowl.

Her Vytal Festival tournament days are over.

And so are Ironwood’s explaining of how Yang’s Vytal Festival tournament days are over. Ironwood away!

It’s not surprising Ruby believes in Yang, but I feel that Weiss being the same is kind of underlooked in this week’s reactions by folk. The Weiss of Volume One would not have been so quick to support, if at all. But, not only has she grown as a person, this is her buddy Yang! They designed a ball and fought in a doubles rounds against two memes together! If that doesn’t forge a bond, what will?

So now attention turns to Blake, in the throes of being her quiet self, and she… can’t join Ruby and Weiss on the midnight train to FreeYang2K16 Town.

I wasn’t shocked at all by this, though the team are.

But, I mean, c'mon! Blake sees a friend do something crazy and she thinks of her last friend who did something crazy. It’s exactly what people do when they’ve been through some crap: they doubt, they fear, they’d even start to wonder if they’re the root cause of it.

Blake not believing in her made Yang cry, which was admittedly less fun, but the tears turn to happy once Blake does. Again, shocking no one. We don’t have time for a whole arc of the team being split up, there’s too much to do!

In order to facilitate this doing of much things, RWB leaves Yang to her own devices.

Out in the hall, the extended family members poke their heads out.

We learn that, conveniently, Mercury and his team have been rushed off to Haven to be with Mercury’s family, so no one can get his side of the story, so Yang must be left alone to marinate for a while.

Which, again, less fun, but I’m comforting myself with the fact this incident has RWBYJNPR coming together as one. Ruby especially wishes Pyrrha the best of luck, in a very “we’ll wish Cedric Diggory to win the Triwizard Tournament because he’s Hogwarts’s champion” kinda way, though hopefully that doesn’t end in a “kill the spare” way…

But still! The family. The feels. These recaps became 150% RWBYJNPR OT8 4EVA trash since the start for good reason, and this is it. Unfortunately, like most families, they’re so focused on one troubled younger sibling’s drama to notice the redheaded middle child’s got problems of her own.

And so, Ruby plans to head off to the coliseum, and Blake and Weiss bail from watching anymore fight scenes to go get some caffeinated beverages.

Or whatever. Back in the JNPR dorm - flawless shifting from RWBY focus to JNPR in the scene, by the way - Nora begins to get Pyrrha pumped for her fight.

Real pumped.

Pumped with style.

Thankfully, she’s stopped before she can get to the Kegel exercises by Ren, finally giving in to the madness and getting a bit whacky himself. (Side note: Nora saying that P-Money’s fight might be “the most important fight of your entire life"… Hah.)

Guys. Guys. Guys. Look. Apron-wearing Ren confirmed.

That’s just defeatist talk, P-Money. Misty came back for a one-off special and then, like, two episodes a season later! And THEN never again!

Ren thinks Pyrrha’s mood is caused by concern for Yang - why would it be they’ve had like half a second of interaction together - and tries to poison her with some algae-filled deliciousness. Ugh. Who knew that under all his sane pink-streaked glory, Ren was secretly a health nut hipster. No wonder Nora jumps onto the straight man role here.

Which is rather nice, actually, seeing Nora actively holding Ren’s crazy back instead of the usual. Makes them feel more equal-y. In fact, the whole scene was rather nice overall. More team feels! And although I loved it, trust me I did, the fact that was exclusively Nora and Ren interacting with Pyrrha just sent so many "hey let’s have this happen before she dies/gets soul merged” kind of flags it hurt. Yeesh.

Jaune, who had been watching on in silent horror, steps in when he sees Pyrrha’s smile disappear again.

So the team heads out for a day, united as the Three Musketeers (see, that line’s funny because there’s actually four musketeers), and a forlorn Yang fornlornly watches, forlorn.

And is watched on by her drunken uncle. Who she probably smelled entering the room before actually she heard it, tbh.

Torchwick’s been in prison so long he’s discovering religion, just like Paris Hilton. #FreeTorchwick2K16 City, Population: Me.

Also, side note: it’s kinda weird how used to Qrow I am at this point. This is a guy who’s appeared in every episode since his first appearance in V3C2 and done some pretty meaty scene work since then. He’s very much less this mythical figure turned mythical presence, and is now just another guy hanging out, y'know? Like, when I first saw him I was like, “That’s the Qrow?! Dude!” and now I’m like, “Sup.” It’s nice.

So yeah, Qrow comes in swinging, accusing Yang of either being an assaulting assault who assaults things, or just regular crazy. Not quite sure if he’s just being blunt or sarcastic, or both, but he’s also vaguely on his least favourite niece’s side, so. Either way, Yang changes the subject with great gusto, to finally address the Raven-sized elephant in the room.

Yang talks about how Raven saved her from Neo, and Qrow knows she didn’t say a word in the process. Why? ‘Cause she keeps in touch with her brother, and not her daughter. And does so whenever she pleases. What.

Again: What. I mean, it’s kind of obvious or whatever, but at the same time, we never really thought Qrow was just going to say one day, “Oh btw your mom said hi.” Instead, you’d expect some grave mystery, some resentment or guilt that makes him dramatically never ever speak her name, and now Yang’s pressing on an open wound blah blah.

But nope. Raven talks to Qrow, Qrow doesn’t tell anyone. This is all there is. And recently, quoth the Raven had a tip for Qrow’s most recent assignment - boy that’s ominous - and left a message for Yang in the process.

The message does not make Raven sound like a particularly fun person to hang out with at parties. She’s saved Yang once, but she shouldn’t expect the same kindness again. Like it was inconvenient to her to save her daugher’s life in the first place. Jesus Christ, Raven, you’re writing the goddamned instruction manual on how to be a crappy parent, the actual hell.

Qrow explains this kind of behaviour from his sister is just Raven being Raven. She’s got “interesting” ways of looking at the world, to a point where even noted cynic Qrow doesn’t agree with. And, to top it all off, she’s dangerous. And while that doesn’t scream good person, it does belt out an hour long opera on the possibilities of a great character that I can’t wait to meet for more than a minute, dayum. Also, there is a slim possibility of Qrow being biased against his sister for reasons unknown, so maybe there’s a good explanation for her general life choices?

For example, Daftprodigy here on Tumblr had a great theory about Raven’s Semblance being the reasons she is the way she is. I’m personally angling towards Raven’s issues being somehow Maiden-related, given how it would tie into things so far this volume. Maybe Summer was involved, maybe not. Or maybe she’s not a good guy. We’ve had people theorising up and down about Raven possibly being in league with Cinder, or her boss, or a competitor with the same end result of… whatever. She’s something, that Raven. And, again, I’m definitely looking forward to meeting her properly… Which may happen very soon.

Like next couple of episodes soon! Qrow tells Yang to forget the incident at the tournament, because he has a lead on a possible location for Raven. And now it’s time for the buddy comedy we’ve all been waiting for.

Hells to the yeah. I love how this volume is coming together. We’ve gotten our Weiss arc, we’re waist deep in arcs for Yang and Pyrrha, we might be swinging by a quick Blake arc should Adam come along to ruin her and Weiss’s tea party, and then circle back into a Ruby development arc by the end of all this. Speaking of the Pyrrha arc, we now move on to find poor Pyrrha, who is being tormented to near Hitchcockian/Sam Raimi levels, both by the seasonally appropriate foliage -

- and flashes of her destiny.

Before she can get assaulted with further reminders thanks to a nearby bottle of maple syrup, something even sweeter shows up.

Aww Jaune, you romantic. If there’s any way to declare your romantic intent, it’s by giving cotton candy to them. It’s a real “I’ll love you even if all your teeth fall out” statement!

A nearby Nora shepherds Ren away from interrupting the fun, thus proving she was secretly the ultimate wingman all along. I’ve seen a fic or two where Cardin Winchester repays his debt to Jaune by getting him laid, but now we need the Nora versions. That chick would have detailed plans, plots, and schemes.

Yeah, I may make jokes about how much I miss Blake and Torchwick this volume, but the real loss is the annual nighttime rooftop scene for these two. Really letting down the team. Speaking of someone who constantly lets down teams - dodgeball ones mostly - Jaune decides to encourage Pyrrha in a heartfelt way by reminding her of what it means to believe in someone.

Belief is something of a recurring theme for this episode, be it Team RWBY in Yang, everyone in Pyrrha, and now Pyrrha in Jaune’s comes to the forefront as he tries to help her. Also, side note, one of the greatest things this episode did is confirm that Jaune’s parents know he’s at Beacon. No more “Jaune steals his family’s sword and runs away” plots in fics, no more “Why aren’t Jaune’s parents seeing him on TV fighting in the tournament and coming to get him?” questions from people. Nope. They know he went to Beacon, they just didn’t believe in his ability to stay there. Ouch. Thank Dust for P-Money, who gets something of a reward for all her troubles.

D'aww. The cotton candy is abandoned completely as Jaune gets to his point: Pyrrha believed in him, and it meant something to him. Just as Jaune treated Pyrrha like a normal girl, and that meant something to her. The parallels, the symmetry, the complimentary nature of these two… here and now, they’ve never seemed more together, two brilliant flames flaring brighter in each other’s presence, beating back the darkness as long as they can. Jaune just wants to help, and while there’ll come a time in like two minutes when his earnestness gets him magnetically thrown into a wall, it’s not now. Just being himself - a himself that’s had to grow so damn much emotionally, and is nailing it now - is enough for The Invincible Girl.

You finally did it, RWBY. You finally made me well and truly want to call them an OTP. And yeah, it’s probably only because I know it’s going to end in tears, but still. Way to go. You finally did it, RWBY. We’ll all be crying soon.

I have some pretty solid jokes planned for the rest of the recap not gonna lie, but… are they worth acknowledging what happens next? We end it here and call it a day, and we’re saved quite a fair amount of pain. We could create new adventures out of all the screencaps of everything so far! How The Torchwick Stole Christmas! Invasion Of The Shadowy Background People! Sage’s Odyssey, Volume Six! And Pyrrha and Jaune stay there, and their lives will be forever autumn… Which is probably what the conspiring local fall leaf population wants. For their secret plans, plots and schemes.

The moment can’t last. The recap continues. P-Money is snapped back to reality. Oh, there goes gravity. And now she tries valiantly to broach the topic of her impending doom with her J-Bank.

For all her life, Pyrrha has believed destiny - there’s that belief theme again - to be a final goal, and herself to be Destiny’s Child, just without the infighting and diva-ness. She didn’t expect what that destiny would look like, in the end. She didn’t expect that she’d find friendship and love, and that she might have to sacrifice them and get her soul devoured by a hungry hungry Fall Maiden’s soul hippo. The uncertainty is killing her, and not even Jaune’s attempt to call back to the Volume Two Opening by putting his hand on her shoulder works.

It doesn’t work. She’s too caught up in just how messed up her situation is. I summed up a couple of recaps ago just how crazy screwed up the position she’s been put in by Ozpin’s gang of peer pressurers, but damn, man, this hurt. And Jaune has no idea how to handle her freaking out.

But he tries anyway. Something best intentions something paved roads to hell something. He has no reason to believe her doubt over saving the world has anything to do with her very sense of self getting unselfed, so he encourages her. She can’t let anything stand in her way.

Yeah, no need to be a downer, Pyrrha. With your powers you can do some real good, like bring back the CW show Reaper!

Look, that show had Ray Wise as the Devil! It does not get much better than that. Oh, and speaking of the devil, the writing here is like a solid kick in the crotch region. Jaune sincerely thinks he’s doing the right thing in believing in her, and we love him for it, but all Pyrrha can hear is that he’s telling her it’s cool to go off and go full Ambyrrha. Her emotions are off the charts, and Jaune’s attempts to comfort her just sets her off in a way we’ve never seen from her.

Jaune is sent flying into the nearest - hopefully not load bearing - column. Which, again, just ouch. And not just Jaune’s spine. Our hearts will not go on after this one. Although, probably a good thing they weren’t on a roof, huh. Also, many feet below the school, Amber sighs because P-Money just screwed up her future chances with the best blonde noodly guy in town. He brought you cotton candy! C'mon Pyrrha!

It’s crazy how much this parallels their other arcs. Like, in Volume One Jaune’s problems and doubts made him push Pyrrha away as she tried to help, and in Volume Two, it was both of them that were having the problems. And now it’s Pyrrha having problems, and Jaune being pushed away… It’s like a perfectly palindromic bar graph or something. Of pain!

And she runs. She runs because she’s sorry, because she’s lost, because she’s facing a life-changing choice. Redhairedvictor summed it up best about Pyrrha being at Achilles’s crossroad, and unfortunately this thing does have the Greek tragedy vibes going strong. And she’s left poor Jaune, who’s of course already forgiven her and still cool to go steady, to wonder just what the hell happened.

Across the campus, where things are less painful, Ruby gets in line to catch a ride to Amity Colosseum, and then catches something else: a Pokemon Snap cosplayer in her natural habitat.

It’s our favourite bunny person, and we find her taking pictures of our favourite monkey person. Velvet’s doing something new, so… good for her!

Ruby heads on over to say hello -

- and gets a glimpse of what the Fatal Frame Bun’s future collage is going to look like.

Velvet’s a real Britta when it comes to her photography, as it turns out, but I’m sure there’s a reason for it. Like the common consensus that she was taking a picture of Sun’s weapon - no, not his abs, the less effective bo staff shotgun nunchunks - instead of just a bad one of him. Since the camera goes into her dreaded box, there’s all kinds of wild theories involving her being able to conjure copies of what she has photos of or whatever, basically Unlimited Blade Bunny Works. Not bad for a character originally meant to be a one-off way back when.

But that’s enough of that. Velvet helpfully informs Ruby about Coco’s own hallucinatory experience on the battlefield against Emerald and Mercury.

To her credit, Detective Rubabble starts to put the pieces together almost immediately. She’s got a good mind for the detective game, just not the alcoholism and noir monologues. Not yet, anyway.

Oh, and Velvet snaps her picture, the nerd. I’m sure that won’t come up at some point.

Now to Amity Colosseum, on the eve of another, hopefully less broken leg-y, battle. Ruby takes her seat by herself, with Yang off buying Cheetos for her road trip with Qrow and Weiss and Blake no doubt staring at each other lovingly across a plate of scones, and then locks eyes with a familiar face all the way across the stadium…

A familiar face that’s supposed to be in Haven! Oh no! Ruby bails for the nearest maintenance tunnel, and then sees yet another familiar face.

Just so we’re clear, Mercury was told to “lay low until the end” by Cinder. Hanging out in maintenance tunnels is laying low, and the end may be a little sooner than expected, so it’s no big deal he’s there. Yeah, there’s a chance this Merc is just Emerald’s semblance at work - or Neo, I’m sure someone’s theorised with complete seriousness - but still. It’s more of a problem for Ruby, really…

'Cause, like any good noir detective, she’s at the wrong place at the wrong time. Her mind races as she hears the match-up happening in the stadium, and, as Mercury prepares every murdering bone and bolt in his body, Ruby realises what’s about to happen.

Bad things. Bad things are about to happen. Because who’s in the fight to come? The stars of Cinder’s newest episode of Remnant Freaks Out? Why, it’s exactly who we’ve expected.

And yet, the scary scary music does not make us feel any better about this actually happening. Because it is. Happening. Something I remember writing down as a half-thought notion in my Volume Two Opening Recap. Something that’s been building in our heads as a possibility for drama, a potential for tragedy, a likelihood for tears. Pyrrha Nikos V Penny Polendina. Place your bets.

I bet on pain.

So here we are. On the eve of the war, five minutes to midnight, and, well, I’ve got something surprising to say: I don’t think either Pyrrha or Penny are dying in this fight. Yes yes, I know, it’s still me writing this, don’t worry. The thing is, as ouchy as it’d be, there’s still four episodes left, and I just don’t kinda see something so permanent happening and then we get three episodes of aftermath of a big death. One episode or two of aftermath mixed in with the more traditional-y finale thing, maybe, but not three. It helps that four whole episodes feels like enough time to do some wild stuff; yes, maybe either of the Doomed P-Named Duo are taken out here so that Team RWBY can take over the arc prominence until the end, but I don’t super really think so?

Like, something bad that’s going to happen in this fight, duh. Cinder’s planning for it, we’re all expecting it, it just seems inevitable. Pyrrha’s unchecked emotions could cause her to trash Penny, Penny could get taken over by Cinder and have to be put down, et cetera. The aftermath of this will have Grimm bash down some kingdom walls, Adam’s White Fang do their thing, and probably somehow end with Amity Colosseum finally falling out of the frickin’ sky… Usual stuff. We don’t know the specifics, however, but a death might not be it. It could lead Pyrrha down the path of accepting her destiny and dying (either actually or soul-y), yeah, but I have a good feeling about Penny’s survival chances, if only for one thing: she said in V3C5 she has a plan to stay at Beacon forever. That kind of line is put in there for one of two set-ups. Either Penny gets a chance to execute that plan (maybe in a way no one expects when she becomes the new P on JNPR come Volume Four if that’s how it goes), or she calls back to it in some kind of sad death quote as she shuts down in Ruby’s arms. That kinda thing.

And there’s other stuff to consider, for sure. Like Emerald’s part in this, and Mercury’s. Are they there to finish the job on one of the girls if they don’t die? Are they there just to cause chaos? Secure an exit? Is Emerald going to use her mind semblance on Pyrrha in some way to make her go all out on Penny in a new way (Like, making it look like Penny’s attacking Jaune…)? What’s Ruby’s part in this? Will she be able to stop the fight and save her friends? Meanwhile, are Blake and Weiss about to get targeted? A former White Fang member and a Schnee seem like ripe targets for some kind of shenanigans, so… Also, will Yang and Qrow’s hunt for Raven be shown here or pushed back? How’s that all going to connect? And will the episode end on a horrible cliffhanger and then we’re doomed for a two week hiatus? That one’s probably a yes…

Yeesh. This is just going to be a thing. Maybe even a thing and a, dare I say it, half. I can’t believe things are getting this intense. Yeah we dreamed of such possibilities way back when, but to see it playing out? The uncertainty of what’s in store? That’s just wild. And we’ve still got like over an hour of the season left to play out… A lot of things can happen in that amount of time. Just look at the back half of Red Vs Blue Season 13. Oh god. Is next episode going to be RWBY’s Armonia Part Two? Miles why. Kerry why. RWBY why.

Time to pull on out with my sanity intact. Best of luck with the next episode, no matter what happens - c'mon beach episode! - and thanks all for reading!