The apartment. Craigslist If you're a "relatively young, hetero, professional male bachelor who grew up in America," then we may have just found the apartment of your dreams.

First spotted by Gothamist, the ludicrous Craigslist listing (which has since been deleted) is for a three bedroom in Long Island City's Arris Lofts. The "palace" is 2,000 square feet with two floors, a washer and dryer, enclosed garden area with koi pond, roof deck, gym, pool, and sauna.

Though the amenities and room sound awesome, the two 30-something men who live there do not. "Do not respond to this ad unless you make, at minimum, six-figures a year," the now-deleted listing reads. "You will not be able to afford to live here or maintain the lifestyle that is necessary to keep up with the rest of us."

Those fresh out of college are not welcome either, along with anyone who can't speak English, is passive aggressive, or is sensitive to "awesome music played at high decibel levels, the aroma of amazing gourmet cooking emanating through the house, lengthy intellectual debates with people who have an amazing sense of humor, or loud moans of sexual delight creeping out from the various bedrooms at any given hour of the day."

But don't worry. They're also accepting of ladies if you are "an extremely hot (at least a 9), lipstick lesbian with bi tendencies and an exhibitionist streak when you get hammered."

Charming. And while the listing is now gone, thankfully Gothamist took screenshots of the outrageous ad. Enjoy.