TYPES OF ABUSE Domestic Violence comprises a wide range of types of abuse. Incidents are not generally a one-off event, but can be seen as forming part of a coercive pattern of controlling behaviour. This list includes some of the ways in which a person experiencing domestic violence might be abused: not all of these behaviours would necessarily fall within the criminal law. Slapping Insisting on having sex whenever he wants it Restricting her movements Making her put things back in an exact order Threats of physical violence Smacking Having sex with her when she doesn't want it Preventing her from keeping appointments Finding endless trivial tasks for her to do Threats of future physical violence Smacking in the face Refusing to have sex with her Timing her movements Making her continually redo tasks after finding fault with what she has done Threats of sexual violence Pushing Having affairs to humiliate her Accompanying her everywhere Making her polish the soles of his shoes Threats of future sexual violence Shoving Having sex with others in front of her Following her everywhere Enforcing a routine Threats with weapons or objects Pushing downstairs Denying her sexuality Making decisions for her Only letting her use the bathroom or toilet at certain times of day Threats to kill her Punching Expecting to have sex with her after having physically assaulted her Making her work long hours Preventing her from sleeping Threats to harm or kill her children Kicking Using objects during intercourse against her will Preventing her from working Making her sleep on the floor Threats to take her children away Hitting Forcing her to watch or engage in pornography Isolating her from her friends and family Preventing her from eating Threats to harm or kill another loved one Hitting her with objects Enforcing sado-masochistic activity Making her family and friends too scared to contact her Making her eat inedible food or disgusting things Threats to harm or kill pets Holding her against the wall Forcing her to perform sexual acts in front of her children Turning her family and friends against her Preventing her from getting or keeping her job Threats to self harm or commit suicide Holding her down Forcing her to perform sexual acts in front of other people Getting his family or friends to intimidate her Preventing her from studying Threats to have her deported Banging her head against the floor Forcing her to perform sexual acts with other people Isolating her from her community Destroying her work Threats to report her to the authorities Banging her head against the wall Forcing her to perform sexual acts with animals Telling her no-one else cares about her Taking her money Threats to destroy possessions Bruising Refusing access to contraception Taking away her documents and papers Refusing her money Threats to burn down her home Blacking eyes Refusing to let her have an abortion Removing her passport Refusing her economic independence Threats to exclude her from her family or community Biting Making her have an abortion Preventing her from learning the local language Demanding receipts for all spending Threats to make her lose her job Breaking bones Assaulting her when she is pregnant Having others believe him over her despite evidence to the contrary Making her ask or beg for money Threats to expose things she is ashamed of to others Burning Prostituting her against her will Telling her children lies about her Keeping her misinformed about her entitlements Exposing things she is ashamed of to others Burning her with cigarettes Refusing to practice safe sex Telling others lies about her Incurring debts and expecting her to pay them Saying things he knows are deeply hurtful Burning her with acid Sexually abusing her children Making her tell lies for him Incurring debts in her name Using racism against her Setting fire to her Sexual name calling Manipulating her children Forcing her to commit acts of fraud Using her sexuality against her Scalding Forcing her to engage in sexual practices she does not like Telling her children things she doesn't want them to know Shouting at her Using her disability against her Shaking Making her afraid by looks, actions, gestures Turning her children against her Screaming at her Telling her her reactions are irrational Strangling Breaking objects Harassing her after separation Swearing at her Telling her there is no escape Suffocating Breaking valued possessions Using child contact to harass her Insulting her Telling her he will find her is she does escape Choking Driving dangerously whilst she is in the car Having her children taken away from her Undermining her Physically preventing her escape Throwing her Driving the car at her Getting information about her from her children Telling her what to wear Withdrawing affection Throwing objects at her Driving the car at her children Sending her unwanted gifts Criticising her appearance Ignoring her Attacking her with a weapon Being violent to others as a lesson to her Being obsessionally possessive Criticising her abilities Refusing to talk to her Stabbing Hurting her in front of her children Being obsessionally jealous Criticising her sexual performance Repeatedly interrogating her Stripping her of clothing and making her stand there Hurting her children Watching her at home or work Criticising her work or housekeeping Behaving unpredictably Forcing her to hurt herself Hurting her children in front of her Destroying her letters Making her do housework in the middle of the night Keeping her constantly on edge Forcing her to drink alcohol Telling stories about how he has hurt others Sending threatening letters Making her lick the dinner plates clean Making her afraid to go to sleep Forcing her to take drugs Telling her how he would like to hurt her Phoning her and making her feel afraid Criticising her in front of others Making her afraid to wake up Withholding medication Locking her out Not letting her use the phone Telling her she is mad Continually breaking promises Withholding care if she is ill, disabled or elderly Keeping her locked in Cutting off the phone Telling her she is ugly Making her do things she doesn't want to do to prove her love Holding her head underwater Keeping her locked in a room Mocking or humiliating her Telling her she is stupid Telling her nobody else would want her Drowning Keeping her locked in a cupboard or under the stairs Mocking or humiliating her in front of others Telling her she is a disgrace Telling her no-one would believe her Attempted murder Taking away her possessions Abusing her in front of others Telling her she is a slut Telling her that his behaviour is normal Murder Destroying her possessions Intimidating others so that they do not intervene to help her Telling her she is useless Making her accept that his behaviour is normal Rape Taking away her clothes Allowing her no privacy Telling her she is worthless Telling her he only abuses her because he loves her Forced oral sex Destroying her clothes Spitting on her Telling her she is a failure Minimising the harm that he has caused Forced anal sex Saying 'next time it will be you' Urinating on her Telling her she is a bad mother Denying that any abuse has taken place Sexual assault Vandalising her home Degrading her Doing so in front of her children or others Telling her that it is her fault Having sex with her when she is asleep Setting fire to her home Brainwashing her Making her think she is mad, ugly, stupid, a disgrace, a slut, useless, worthless, a failure, a bad mother Making her believe that it is her fault

REFERENCES, LINKS & FURTHER READING

This list was developed from: A risk assessment and safety planning tool prepared for the Council of Europe Police and Human Rights Programme, by Prof Liz Kelly (Child and Woman Abuse Studies Unit, University of North London)

St Helen's & Knowsley Working together for Safer, Healthier Families 'Domestic Violence Prevention Training Toolkit

Harwin, N (1997) Understanding Women's Experience of Abuse in Bewley, S., Friend, J. & Mezey, G Violence Against Women London: RCOG