Hello again fair and fanciful friends! It is I The Plaid Avenger, coming at you live from Nigeria where I have been partying all day with my main man Manmohan Singh….that would be Prime Minister Singh to you! But he ain’t no politician from Nigeria my brothers and sisters; he is the leader of India . So what’s this Indian brother doin’ hanging in western Africa ? I’m glad you asked! It’s got everything to do with India’s thirst for energy…two different types of energy to be exact, combining two different issues with two different Indian allies…but all the shit is going down at once! Dig it:

Indian prime minister seeks more trade with oil-rich Nigeria

India’s ties with Nigeria, Africa enter new era

India eyes Nigeria energy

PM moots strategic ties with Nigeria

Manmohan To Bush: Difficulties In Implementing N-deal

Singh’s Nuclear-Energy U-Turn Lets India Down

Difficulties in n-deal operationalisation, Singh tells Bush

Our main man from New Delhi has been meeting with the Nigerian President Umaru Yar’Adua today to firm up a whole shitload of commitments between the two countries. India and Nigeria want to work together to increase trade between the states; to form a united front to counter the current international financial systems which are not very ‘developing-country friendly’; and even to work together to ensure that India gets a primo spot on the UN Permanent Security Council…should that group ever get around to expanding. But mostly they talked about cash! Oops, I mean economic ties…that’s the more politically correct term for politicians…

But dudes, we all know its about the dollars man! These two world leader cats were cementing trade deals and promising investment packages and doing everything they can to work together better. Nigeria is India’s largest trading partner on the planet, and the Nigerians are anxious about getting more basic manufactures and cheap shit from India , in return for some resources that the Nigerians hook up the Indians with. Africa as a continent is just loaded with resources that rich and poor countries alike are hungry for. Lots of resources!

Dollars and resources! And the one resource in particular that India gets is…can you possibly even guess?….it’s oil! Nigeria is the world’s 8th largest exporter of oil on the planet right now, and India is the 6th largest user of oil on the planet….and here is the kicker: India ain’t got none of their own! None! They’ve got to import it all baby! So Singh and his boys from Bollywood can claim that they are hooking up with the Nigerians for a million and one different reasons…but we all know that it’s really all about that petroleum! India has got to have the oil, man!

Oh BTW, when countries talk about getting oil nowadays, they refer to it as ‘energy security talks’ Ha! I got something you can secure! What the hell ever! You guys are talking about buying and selling oil, and the Avenger knows this!

And Singh knows this too. India must have energy to continue on their path of development. They must have the go-go juice in order to build and operate all those new factories and industries which will be supplying the world with lots of cheap labor trinkets. India also has serious development in the high-end computer and software sectors too…and you need energy to keep those screens on as well. And there is the small matter of a billion people in the country that would like to have lights and TVs and microwave ovens and all that shit. Therefore, India must import more and more energy in order to keep their economy running….ergo, they import a fuck-ton of oil from Nigeria .

But wait…I thought the world was trying to get away from oil dependence? Why don’t the Indians just use some other type of energy? Well, as stated above, India ain’t got no oil. They do have some coal, but that is awfully polluting fuel for a billion people to use. As is wood. Or dried cow dung. So India simply doesn’t have a lot of energy options. Oh! Oh….wait! Oh….Oh….Oh…I got it! Call on me teacher! I’ve got the answer! Call on me! My hand is up!…How about nuclear energy? Yeah! Damn I’m good. See , India already has nuclear technology; hell, it has a nuclear program and nuclear bombs! So they can just start making nuclear energy….right?

Wrong! Check the other stories above for the ‘no to nukes’ bomb that Singh dropped today. Pun intended. US President Bush had to call back Indian Prime Minister Singh while he was in Nigeria today to hear the bad news that a proposed Indian-US nuke deal was going to get shot down in the Indian Congress. How bizarre is that story? US calls India in Nigeria . Confused enough yet? Let me clarify quickly…

Almost all the major world powers which possess nuclear weapons have signed the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty (NPT), which basically states that they won’t proliferate or distribute nuke technology to anybody else. However, I did say almost all. India , Pakistan and Israel are three states known to possess nuke technology, but who have not signed this treaty—and all for very, very different reasons too, which I won’t get into here. As you can imagine, this treaty is mostly to ensure that nobody is making nuke weapons, but nuke power technology is allowed by the NPT, which makes enforcement of it tricky…i.e. see IRAN in current events.

Just know this for now: if you aren’t signed up for the treaty, then you are not allowed to access civilian nuke technology or buy fuel for nuke energy production either. Which is why India is stuck. But the US likes India ! The UN likes India ! Hell, everybody likes India ! Okay, maybe not Pakistan . But most of the world sees India as a multi-cultural society and stable democracy that is developing rapidly in the modern world. And since they already have the nuke technology, most think they can handle nuke energy. But that pesky NPT! What to do about that?

Well, US President George Bush thought of what to do a few years back: bend it a little. In an effort to strengthen US-Indian ties, Georgie has been working tirelessly (okay, someone who works for Georgie has been working tirelessly) to make India the exception to this NPT rule. The United States-India Peaceful Atomic Energy Cooperation Act of 2006 is the legal framework for a bilateral pact between the US and India under which the US will provide access to civilian nuclear tech stuff and access to nuke fuel in exchange for IAEA-safeguards on civilian Indian reactors.

In other words, the US will personally work with India to get them the goods (nuke energy technologies and fuel) and in return India promises to abide by all the major rules of the NPT (especially the ‘no proliferating’ part) and the IAEA—International Atomic Energy Agency—would also be participating to do inspections and enforce the rules.

Everybody was all about this shit man! Mohammad El Baradei of the IAEA thought it was a good idea. Prime Minister Singh thought it was sweet that India would be getting all kinds of cheap fuel for his economy. Sweet!

And the Bush Administration? Holy shit! They were tickled pink! Not only would the US get to make tons of money on selling India nuke secrets and fuel, but US corporations were going to be getting a hefty share of building the nuke plants to boot! And the US really wants the growing Indian economy to produce its own fuel….thereby lessening its demand for world oil…lower Indian demand means more left over for us! At cheaper prices too! President Bush whipped up this agreement overnight, got it passed by Congress and signed it into law in a hot shit minute. The IAEA was working out the details, and all that was left to do was have the Indians formally sign the treaty. Let’s get this game on! Win-win-win baby!

Oops. Unfortunately it lost-lost-lost. That’s what the sad phone call from Nigeria to Air Force One was about earlier today. The Indian political system is one of those kind of freaky parliamentary systems where there is no clear cut political party in power. Like in the US right now, the Democrats control the House, the Republicans control the White House, etc. But in India , there is like 50 different parties in Congress, and for a Prime Minister to get any piece of legislation passed, he has to have a whole shitload of parties working together. He has to form a coalition government to get things done.

You dig what I’m saying? The coalition is comprised of a bunch of different political parties that together form a majority. On top of that, this coalition that forms has the responsibility of electing the Prime Minister himself. Which means if enough folks in the coalition get pissed, they can actually crash the whole government by declaring a stalemate…in which new elections would be called for and a new Prime Minister picked.

Long story short, that is where our main man Manmohan Singh found himself over this Indian-US nuke deal. A main party named BJP declared that India ‘s entering this agreement with the US would compromise their national security by limiting their weapons program. Worse yet, a bunch of Commie/Marxist parties declared their boycott of the nuke deal on the grounds that it made India a subservient pawn to the ‘imperialist policies of the U.S.A. ’. Dudes, did anyone tell those Indian commies that the Cold War is over? Read the papers man!

Anyway, this rant is over. End game: Prime Minister Singh had to throw in the towel this weekend. If he would have pushed harder, there was a threat that the BJP and the commies could have gone for the government crash, so Singh let it drop. Singh has egg all over his face, because he swore this deal was going to go thru, and now he kind of looks like a dork. The Bush administration/The US takes a serious hit too because this was one of the only bright spots of foreign policy they have been able to muster for 7 years. They were really fired up to be making India a stronger ally. Oh well, that may still come to pass. But for now: no nukes in India , India is tied to oil dependence, and the US will have to figure out some new ways for people around the word to stop using all the oil that we want for ourselves. Go get’em fellas!

Comments

Please enable JavaScript to view the comments powered by Disqus.