Are you familiar with the internet? If so, you're probably familiar with The Oatmeal.

The Oatmeal is a ridiculously popular online comic that tackles topics from grammar to the mantis shrimp to Nikola Tesla to paradoxical dogs, with smart writing and illustrations that are equal parts sweet, grotesque, and laugh-out-loud funny. The man behind it all is Matthew Inman, a 30-year-old former website designer turned comic artist in Seattle, Washington.

As it turns out, Matthew is also a runner, which I only recently found out after seeing his six-part comic The Terrible and Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances. Think of it as a graphic, online version of Murakami's What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, only with fewer words and more Blerch.

Shortly after reading that, and re-reading it, I got to thinking, Hey, wouldn't it be cool if I could somehow persuade Matthew to do an interview with me for Remy's World? Shortly after that, I thought to myself, Maybe I should try contacting him to see. And shortly after that, I actually followed through.

To my surprise and delight, Matthew responded right away and agreed to answer some questions via email. Our exchange is below.

(I should pause at this point to stress that -- unlike most of the crap I write -- the following interview is an actual, real thing that happened. Not just something I made up. FYI.)

Remy's World: When did you start running?

Matthew Inman: Ten years ago.

Were you athletic at all before you took up running?

Not at all. I hated any kind of exercise, especially running.

Do you remember the first moment you felt “like a runner”?

Running used to feel like a chore. The day I truly became a runner was the day that I realized that being sedentary now felt like a chore. Running makes me feel relaxed, healthy, and great. Not running makes me feel like a bloated pile of uninspired, forgettable crap. Being a bloated pile of forgettable crap is more of a chore for me now than just putting my running shoes on and sweating for 20 minutes.

What was the last race you did, and how'd it go?

I ran the White River 50-mile ultra at the end of July, and then a week later ran the Grande Ridge 13.1. The ultra didn't go so well. I'd done it two years before and flew through the course, loving every minute of it. (Almost every minute, anyway. I'm not sure love adequately describes how I felt at mile 47). This year when I ran it I got really sick at mile 17: nausea, dry-heaving, and stomach spasms. I managed to lumber my way to mile 50, but I was an hour slower than my previous time. A week later I ran the Grande Ridge half marathon trail run. It had some respectable elevation gains, but the race went really well. After running WR50 I wanted to do a quick race that I could just sail through and enjoy, without all the relentless 11 hours of agony that comes with running an ultra.

What's next, racewise?

The Seattle Marathon. I'm running it mostly because I want to see all my fellow Seattleites wearing "I believe in The Blerch" shirts.

What, if anything, does your job have in common with running?

Both produce an endless supply of poop jokes.

Has running affected your work in any unexpected ways?

The majority of my comics are written in my head while I run. I find when brainstorming ideas, if I focus really hard trying to come up with something I wind up empty-handed. If I focus on something else, however, such as running, showering, or even having a conversation, I find that those ideas will spring up. The tough part is getting them down on paper before they disappear back into the ether of my brain.

A few surprisingly heavy themes pop up fairly often in your comics: life, death, loss, the nature of existence… Are these things you think of while you run? Or is running an escape from such thoughts?

We've all got loudspeakers in our heads that are constantly shouting fears, worries, and doubts at us. Running, at least for me, turns the volume on that loudspeaker way down. It's my way of saying "Hey brain, shut the f**k up for a half-hour. I'm taking a little vacation from you." It makes terrible thoughts seem trivial, albeit temporarily. I don't know if it's just the endorphins doing the work on that one, but if so it's a drug-addiction I fully endorse.

What are your lifetime running goals? (I refuse to use the phrase “bucket list.”)

A [Boston qualifier], maybe, although probably not realistic -- I can't run very fast. I'm more of a slow and steady kind of guy, so I think running Western States would be a more realistic goal. Plus I really want one of those belt buckles.

How do you measure success as a runner?

Have you ever tried to chase a deer? They are REALLY hard to catch. I've never seen a wild animal in the forest that I didn't chase. I think success as a runner means eventually overtaking a deer and tackling it. I would even settle for a caribou, or even something fatter and slower like a mountain goat, but ideally it would be a deer. Aristotle once said that the true measure of the human spirit is the ability to outrun and pile-drive a wild animal. I subscribe to that philosophy completely.

You seem to be a bit of a contrarian when it comes to things like nutrition. Yes?

Yeah, I run well and eat badly.

Explain your philosophy on diet and nutrition, assuming you have one (and maybe you don’t)?

My eating habits are that of a circus animal. Every time I do a trick, I get a reward. Ran 20 miles? Heck yes it's time for meatloaf and gummy bears. The best advice I can give other runners is to not eat like I do.

Are you a “follow a training plan to a T” sort of runner? Or a “make it up as you go along” sort?

I just make it up as I go along, mostly. I know the importance of having a training plan but I just tend to do my own thing.

Do you run alone, mostly, or with a club or group?

A few years ago I ran with a group, which I really enjoyed. We'd meet at various trails all over Washington state and I'd get paired up with various runners. Nowadays I run by myself most of the time. Running is kind of a private matter for me. I'm not one of those people that slathers their Facebook wall in posts every time they go outside and exercise.

How often do you get recognized while running or racing?

I don't typically post photos of myself on my website so very few people know what I look like, but in Seattle it's becoming a bit more common for people to stop me and ask if I'm The Oatmeal. When people meet me in person they always say the same thing: "I thought you'd be fatter! :(" [ED: See above for a photo of Matthew racing.]

If you could guest-edit an issue of Runner’s World, what would you add or change?

I'd write a six-page piece on how to effectively chase, catch, and tackle a deer. Deer-tackling is the new 5K.

What’s the coolest place you’ve ever run?

The Monteverde Cloud Forest in Costa Rica. Imagine a forest with trees that are hundreds of feet tall laced with vines, rolling fog, and crazy amounts of jungle critters -- it looked like a scene from Avatar. Our hotel was near the park entrance so we snuck in at night and went for a short run. Overhead was an ocean of falling stars, and below us was a glittering sea of lightning bugs. Eventually the park rangers chased us out on motorcycles for being in there after-hours, so technically it was a night run lit by stars and lightning bugs, followed by a dramatic car chase.

If you could deliver one message to every runner reading this – and you can! – what would it be?

When stopped at an intersection, don't jog in place. You look like an idiot. [ED: As readers of The Runner's Rule Book know, I agree.]

Have you ever pooped yourself while running? Be honest.

Like, in my pants? No. Although I did get the runs pretty bad while out on an 18-mile trail run by myself. I wound up crapping all over the place and using my 2009 Seattle Marathon shirt as toilet paper. It was one of my favorite running shirts so I had this idea in my head that I could just wash it in a stream and then properly wash it when I got home. I eventually defiled the shirt enough times that I wound up throwing it into the woods. As far as I know that shirt is still out there on a mountain somewhere, along with my dignity.

Lightning round! Beer or wine?

Wine.

Running with music: Yes or no?

No. Don't try to drown out the agony of running with music and other distractions.

Hills or heat?

Hills hills hills. I'm from the Pacific Northwest so heat is like my Kryptonite.

Energy gel or banana?

Banana.

Road or trail?

Trail.

Meb or Ryan?

I don't know what that question means, so I'll just reply and say that I really enjoyed all of Meg Ryan's films.

Short-shorts or regular shorts?

Short-shorts. They look horrible on 99.9% of people, but running isn't about looking good.

NYC Marathon or Boston Marathon?

I want to run both of them while wearing Heelys.

Fill in the blank: Barefoot running is _________.

...a good way to DNF. If we were supposed to run barefoot we'd have evolved hooves by now.

My favorite thing on the internet (besides RunnersWorld.com) is _________.

Zombo.com

If you're one of the 18 people in the world who aren't familiar with Matthew's work, check it out at TheOatmeal.com.