Mid-4, #Phillies trail Toronto 8-0. But this happened earlier…so that was cool. pic.twitter.com/nUlnFVr9JE — Phillies (@Phillies) June 17, 2016

OK this guy is a wizard, but I don’t understand how someone can be so cool, so calm when a ball is coming at them and they’re holding a child. When I’m holding my son I turn into a protective cacoon, absorbing every glancing blow from a passerby or rogue wall. I move around like we’re on a moon bounce, turning life’s edges into soft ripples. It’s similar to the move I used in my post-collegiate years, The Tuck and Tumble – not a sex move, not even close – where I would curl my beer-carrying hand and allow my shoulder or elbow to absorb all blows in a crowded bar, creating a steadicam effect with the beer, to minimize or reduce spillage. That’s how I hold my son, only it’s a full-body protective shield. So if there was a foul ball coming at us, I’d tuck him under my seat, stand up proudly and scream wildly, while one-handing the ball like Tanaka in Major League II…

… or probably just turn my back and take a devastating kidney shot.

Anyway, credit to this guy. So cool under pressure.